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The Popular Life

Make People Like, Respect, and Befriend You

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All information provided through The Popular Life and
http://www.thepopularlife.com is for informational
purposes only and is

not intended to replace the care, advice,

or instruction of a medical professional

. Its author will not be

held liable in any way for the information contained through
The Popular Life website or this book. Users should consult a
physician before making any lifestyle, dietary, or other
health related changes. This book solely represents its
author’s opinion. You are responsible for your own behavior,
and none of this book is to be considered personal,
psychological, or medical advice. See a Doctor before making
any changes whatsoever to your lifestyle (including both
psychological and physiological changes). Results will vary
for individual users.

Copyright –

reserved. It is illegal to copy, distribute, or create
derivative works from this book in whole or in part, or to
contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of
derivative works of this book.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION .............................................................................................................................. 6

HAT

’

IND IN

HIS

OOK

..................................................................................... 6

OW TO

ANDLE

HIS

OOK

........................................................................................................ 6

HY IS

ERSONALITY

MPORTANT

?............................................................................................ 7

PERSONALITY STARTERS........................................................................................................... 8

NIMAGINABLE

ENEFITS

.............................................................................................................. 8

OME

EWARDS OF A

ERSONALITY

.................................................................................. 8

HAT IS

EQUIRED

?...................................................................................................................... 9

GET IN THE MOOD........................................................................................................................ 10

HIS

’

T ABOUT

ORALS OR

EING A

OOD

ERSON

........................................................ 10

’

EOPLE

OTICE IF

I C

HANGE

?...................................................................................... 11

ATTRIBUTES OF THE SUCCESSFUL ...................................................................................... 12

ECOME

PPORTUNIST

.......................................................................................................... 12

I C

’

ELIEVE THIS

......................................................................................................... 12

HAT

BOUT THE

EOPLE WHO

IKE

E THE

I A

?................................................... 13

DYNAMICS OF CHANGE ............................................................................................................. 15

OW THE PROCESS WORKS

.......................................................................................................... 15

’

T IT

MPOSSIBLE TO

HANGE

OUR

ERSONALITY

? ....................................................... 15

DEFINING BETTER ....................................................................................................................... 16

HAT

AKES A

OOD

ERSONALITY

?...................................................................................... 16

HAT

HANGE

NTO

.............................................................................................................. 16

INITIAL RULES OF SUCCESSFUL PERSONALITIES....................................................... 17

UST

ONFORM

.................................................................................................................... 17

MITATING

THERS

....................................................................................................................... 17

ACTING VS. NATURAL CHANGE ............................................................................................. 19

ACKBONES OF

ERSONALITY

..................................................................................................... 19

EITERATE

: Y

OU ARE

OT AN

CTOR

.................................................................................. 19

ERSONALITIES

HANGE

.................................................................................................... 20

ORK AND

IME

............................................................................................................................ 21

BARRIERS TO SUCCESSFUL PERSONALITIES................................................................. 23

ERCEIVED

BSTACLES

................................................................................................................ 23

DMITTING

OURSELF

HAT

EED

THER

EOPLE

................................................. 24

OMBATING

NDIVIDUALISM

....................................................................................................... 25

ACCEPT THE UNPLEASANT....................................................................................................... 26

’

T BE

FRAID TO

DMIT THAT YOU

ATE

OURSELF

....................................................... 26

ORIGIN OF PERSONALITY ....................................................................................................... 27

’

ORN

ITH A

ERSONALITY

............................................................................... 27

UTURE

XPERIENCES ARE

LTERED BY

AST

NES

..................................................... 27

PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITIONING....................................................................................... 29

ALKING TO

OURSELF

................................................................................................................. 29

OW TO

TOP

ALKING TO

OURSELF

(

SELF COMMUNICATION

).......................................... 30

NTROVERT TO

XTROVERT

.......................................................................................................... 31

NTELLIGENT

CTING

EOPLE ARE THE

NHAPPIEST

............................................................. 31

ARE

HAT

THER

EOPLE

HINK

........................................................................................... 32

BEHAVING IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS ................................................................................... 34

OBODY

IKES

EOPLE WHO ARE

EGATIVE

............................................................................ 34

MILE

ORE

................................................................................................................................... 34

ELL

EOPLE

HAT THEY

ANT TO

EAR

................................................................................ 35

GETTING INSIDE PEOPLE’S HEADS..................................................................................... 37

ANT TO

ELIEVE THAT

THER

EOPLE

EEL THAT

AME

........................... 37

AIN

RUST BY

ETTING

EOPLE

OWN ON

RRELEVANT

OINTS

...................................... 38

EING

“C

ALLED

”

NCONSISTENCIES

................................................................................... 38

PURSUE CONVERSATIONS....................................................................................................... 40

AINTAINING

ORMING

ELATIONSHIPS

............................................................................... 40

FTER THE

IGHT

EOPLE

..................................................................................................... 40

’

OT WHAT

, I

’

S THAT

.................................................................. 41

OUR

OMMENT

OES

EEMINGLY

NNOTICED

...................................................................... 42

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ........................................................................................................... 43

OSE

EIGHT IF

EED

........................................................................................................... 43

AVE A

EARD

, G

ID OF

. ................................................................................... 44

LOSE THE IRRATIONAL DREAMS.......................................................................................... 45

’

OING TO

HANGE THE

ORLD

.......................................................................... 45

HANDLING CONVERSATION.................................................................................................... 46

THER

EOPLE

IKE IT

HEN YOU

ALK TO

HEM

................................................................. 46

LSO

’

EED TO

AVE

NYTHING

NTERESTING TO

AY IN

ROUP

ONVERSATIONS

............................................................................................................................ 46

NLY

ERSON

TANDING IN

OUR

AY IS

OURSELF

.................................................. 47

ETTING

VER

ERVOUSNESS OF

ALKING TO

EOPLE

......................................................... 47

OU DON

’

EED AN

XCUSE TO

ALK TO

OMEONE

.............................................................. 48

OW TO

AVE A

ONVERSATION

................................................................................................ 49

TAKING CONTROL OF PEOPLE ............................................................................................... 52

IKE

’

UCCESSFUL

................................................................................................... 52

ECOME A

ALESMAN

.................................................................................................................... 53

CLOSING POINTS ......................................................................................................................... 55

Introduction

This book is really all about personality so get used to it. In fact,

my one goal is to change your personality. I told you already that I

want to change who you are and that’s what this book is all about. I
may present myself online in an unconventional fashion, but don’t be
deceived. My behavior and image is no accident. In life, getting
people’s attention is key and soon you’ll realize that for yourself. For

now, just understand that you can change into a better, happier
person and one day live the popular life as well.

What You Won’t Find in This Book

I was in the bookstore today looking at a wall of self-help books

on topics like motivation, believing in yourself, confidence, strength,
finding yourself, etc. These books contain hundreds of made up terms,
pointless diagrams, stories, and more. The truth is: you don’t need

ANY of this stuff. Author Gurus include this fluff to increase the length
of their books, give a sense of “legitimacy” to common sense notions,
justify their opinions, and lure readers in.

When you water down your product, you make it more difficult

for the reader to concentrate on what is important. I’ve done my best
to keep this book as short, focused, and to the point as possible. This
means you cannot approach it as casually other books. You really have

to digest everything I say and implement my suggestions. If you don’t,
you’ll accomplish nothing.

How to Handle This Book

Many people read this book for entertainment, one-liners,

enlightenment, or a new perspective on life. If this is what you want,
that’s fine, but my goal is to change your personality and your life.

Teaching you how to change your personality gives you the ability to
become a happier, more successful person. I want to improve your
life.

Self-help books ought to truly help those who read them.

Though many people intend to take my advice literally and seriously,
some readers will inadvertently slip back into reading for
entertainment or fun. If you’re one of these people, you have to

approach this differently. You really have to work at and practice what
I tell you t do if you want to actually change. You must implement,

think about, and use my suggestions everyday before things start to
work naturally for you.

Changing your personality is a gradual process by nature and it’s

going to take time and commitment. While I can provide you with the
tools, I cannot do the work for you. Remember that you always have
to remain active.

You need to be working on my suggestions almost constantly. If

you stay active and keep going, eventually you’ll begin to approach
things differently without having to think about it (it becomes natural).

This type of change should be your goal.

It’s always a good idea to continually refer back to this book to

ensure you’re still on track. This is going to be a challenge for you, but

a worthwhile one.

This begs most to question: Why would I want to change my

personality?

Why is Personality Important?

Most people can just skip this because if they’ve chosen to get

this book, they understand the benefits involved. For those who

somehow don’t have this understanding, or just need a little
encouragement, read on.

So many things in life are beyond our control. We can’t control

what we were born into, what we look like, what is given to us at birth,
etc. What do people look for when they evaluate others? The big four
are unquestionably: Attractiveness, Wealth, Connections, and
Personality. Only one of these factors is within your immediate control:
Personality. It is therefore crucial that you develop and shape your

personality to be more compatible.

If you want to make more friends, have more people like you,

get further in business, make more money, more up the corporate

ladder, grow your popularity and influence, and become happier, this
is the way to do it.

Personality is the ultimate factor in determining how far you go

and most importantly is within your reach. You have the power the
change it.

Personality Starters

Unimaginable Benefits

People ask me all the time, “how important is a person’s

personality?”

Personality is the most important characteristic a person has. It

determines everything from how successful you are to how happy you
are. Almost everything you have both physically and emotionally is a
direct result of your personality. Your personality is thus more
important than any other skill or ability.

Some people are very happy with who they are and what they’ve

become, but not everyone is so fortunate. Some people hate
themselves. They hate how they think, speak, act, and interact. These
people feel trapped inside their own minds. If you can relate to this,

the only way to free yourself is to change how you think. By changing
your personality, you are able to alter your natural thought patterns
and behavior. The result: You live a happier/more successful life.

Isn’t it wrong to change who I am?

Interestingly, our society both encourages individualism and

punishes it simultaneously. Those who are different are shunned and
not rewarded while constantly fed the same advice: “be yourself.” This

is a double standard. Being yourself is only a good idea if you are
compatible with the rest of society. Otherwise, you’re going to miss
out huge.

Ask yourself, what’s more important, being yourself or being

happy? If who you are is not working for you, there is only one
solution: change. I wrote this book to not only teach you how to
change your personality, but also show you what you should change
into.

Some Rewards of a New Personality

Having a compatible personality can improve your life in myriad

ways. Here are the 10 most important benefits:

1. more friends
2. people like you more

3. people respect you more
4. you live a more interesting life
5. become healthier

6. become happier
7.  you get far more opportunities
8.  you are able influence others
9.  more attractive to the opposite sex

10. financial rewards

What is Required?

Now you know what’s possible, let me tell you what’s required.

A fair assessment of my suggestions is that they are simple in

theory, but more difficult in practice. Much of what you’re going to

encounter is stuff you already know (at least deep down you know),
but fear actually doing. For this reason, I’m not going to just tell you
what you have to do. I’m going to give you detailed explanations/tips
of how to go about doing it. Moreover, I want you to understand the
benefits involved in working at changing your personality.

Changing your personality is not an easy process, but it is a

rewarding one. This book is going to change your life, if you let it. I’m
going to ask you to challenge yourself, but while this may be hard at

first, it’s what successful/happy people do everyday. It’s how they live
their lives.

It’s going to take time for things to become natural to you, but

they will if you keep at it. Trust me, better days are ahead.

You are required to follow my suggestions and implement my

techniques. If you disagree with what I say (and I guarantee there will
be things you disagree with), do it anyway. You have to see things

from a new perspective. In order to fundamentally alter how you see
the world and think about things, it’s going to require difficult
behavioral changes. I’m going to ask you to do things that you will not
be comfortable with at first. I’m going to challenge your values and

your individuality. Just remember: If you’re not willing to do what I
say, you’re wasting your time with this book.

So now you’ve come to the first fork in the road. You can choose

to stop here and continue on the way you are, or you can choose to
change. Changing means giving up much of who you are. This isn’t

about making people see your personality as great it’s about changing
your personality into something people will see as great.

Get in the Mood

From this point on, you’re going to read a lot of things that

you’re probably not going to like. I don’t want to challenge your
beliefs. I want to give you a new set of beliefs. You’re going to have to
reevaluate and change how you think about things. You cannot change

your personality without changing who you are (and a big part of this
is your morals/beliefs/etc.). This should really go without saying.

This Isn’t about Morals or Being a Good Person

Sometimes people get a little confused. They think I’m out to

make you what society would view as a “better person”. In one sense,
this is true. I’m out to make you into somebody society respects and
admires (so you can reap the rewards that come with this). But, most

people, look at “better person” in somewhat of a moral/religious/right
or wrong type sense. Trust me: this has absolutely nothing to do with
my goals.

Some of the things I advise you to do can be seen as morally

superior. The type of stuff a good Christian would agree with. Let me
just say now that this is merely a coincidence (not that there is
anything wrong with being a good person, in fact I’d encourage it).

This book is all about you. It has no other goals in mind but

opportunistic ones. Just remember, death is the same as before you
were born: nothingness. The while “live while you can” philosophy is a
major driving force behind this book, but I’ll say right now that there’s

nothing I hate more than clichéd quotes. “Life is what you do while
you’re waiting to die”, “today is the first day of the rest of your life”,
“life is short make the most of it”. Not sure if I heard the last one or
made it up, but the point is life is about enjoying oneself.

You ought to enjoy your life. If you agree with this simple idea:

read on because nobody enjoys themselves more, or is rewarded
more, than those who society accepts/respects/likes/etc.

I wrote this book to show you how to become one of those

people.

Won’t People Notice if I Change?

This question is usually asked in the “they will think it is

abnormal/unnatural and that I am stupid/desperate for doing it”
framework. By the end of this book, you will realize why this is simply
untrue.

For now, just try to get used to the idea that most are not in the

‘business’ of analyzing others. Will others notice you have seemingly
become more outgoing? Some will, yes. But of those who do, the vast
majority won’t think much about it because it doesn’t matter to them.

It’s also accepted that people take some time to come “out of their
shell.” No matter how long you’ve known the people around you,
before long they will not think twice about how you now act or how
you acted before.

As for the small percentage that may have a problem with it, so

what? Their resentment is likely rooted in their own loss of
empowerment from you. Being introverted/shy gives some people a
sense of empowerment over you because they think you are nervous

of them (thus they must be important). Those who have a problem
with your newfound ways are merely upset that they are losing this
source of personal pride. So now they’ll call you a prick, big deal ah?

Attributes of the Successful

Become An Opportunist

I could have titled this book “how to be an opportunist” because

it truly is about making your life as happy as possible by getting
everything you can out of society. Have no illusions: this book is about
YOU. It’s not about your family, your wife, your girlfriend, your

children (oh yes, that’s right), it’s about YOU and only you. This is
YOUR life. Don’t be afraid to admit that you care about it.

This is not to say that those around you won’t benefit from your

implementing my suggestions. Hell, I bet your wife/husband would
appreciate your newfound successes. But you have to focus on
yourself and not anyone else to get there. Remember, by doing this
the people around you will benefit most (and if you have no people
around you, you soon will).

I’m not only going to teach you how to change your personality,

I’m going to teach you how to change it for the better. What this
means is that I’m going to tell you what is “better”. I’m going to make

generalizations and judgments. I’m going to say everything an
individualist hates, but I speak the truth. I know what is right.

If you learn to accept what I say as the truth, ignore your

emotions, and implement my suggestions you will live a better life.

I Can’t Believe this Guy

Most readers get this far and think: “I can’t believe I’m reading

something from this conformist, know-it-all prick.” I understand this.
People who read this are generally individualistic and thus hate 80% of
what I say. But like any other ‘bad medicine’ it is the answer to your
problems. Plain and simple.

Just remember: you are reading this for a reason. You don’t like

who you have become. Embrace this fact and understand that you’re
going to have to change your ways if you ever want to be

happy/successful.

Those who feed their own pride on believing people are stupid,

society is stupid, conforming sucks, etc. live unhappy lives and die

alone. And who cares at that point? Nobody. The truly smart people

realize that society offers many benefits and that they must accept the
realities of conforming or suffer the consequences.

Hey look: even -I- don’t like to admit the things I say in this

book, but I do for a very good reason. I wasn’t born a natural
conformer/popular person. I’m more like you than you know.

One thing is for sure: I chose happiness over being right. It’s like

when Dr. Phil (who by the way I hate and he certainly didn’t coin this
question) asks to men in relationships: “would you rather be right or
happy?’. The answer seems self-intuitive (which is why he asks it, he

wants something everyone can relate to). Happiness is more
important.

You were smart enough accept you have a problem so you ought

to accept the reality of the ONLY solution. Become a better person by
changing your personality for the better and live a happy/prosperous
life.

What About the People who Like Me the Way I Am?

Many people make the mistake of thinking that since they have

found a limited number of people who accept/enjoy their incompatible
personality that they are doing okay. They essentially think: “well if

these people appreciate me, surely others can as well and thus there is
nothing wrong with me.” Unfortunately, this is completely wrong.

There are also people out there who believe that “Achy Breaky

Heart” is an awesome song. Given the volume of people out there,
there will always be people who agree/like what you’re doing. Think of
all the death row inmates getting letters from interested women.

You have to be strong enough to realize that just because an

extremely small percentage of the population appreciates your
personality doesn’t mean you’re not losing out. The truth is, you are
missing out huge. People who are liked by the majority of the
population share an unimaginable amount of benefits. If the number of

people who like you is small, the rewards you get will correspondingly
also be small.

You have to go after more people. Don’t be happy with a limited

positive response to yourself. You are only selling yourself short. By
doing this you are acting against your own best interest. Don’t be one

of these people. Accept that changing your personality will change
your life in unimaginable ways.

Dynamics of Change

How the process works

The goal of this book is to teach you to think and approach

people differently. In order to do that, it takes both time and
behavioral change. I’m going to show you how to act and react to
situations in a new way. Over time, these responses become natural.

It is at this point that personality change first occurs.

Of course, I’m not -just- trying to teach you how to change your

personality, I want to change it for the better. For the purposes of this

book, better is defined as more sociable, likable, and respectable. Such
personalities reap the most rewards from society both socially and
financially. The result: increased happiness.

Isn’t it Impossible to Change Your Personality?

No. As a matter of fact, it’s impossible to live your life without

personality change.

Everybody can change their personality. Just think of how much

your personality has changed over your life thus far. It happens
naturally no matter what you do. Everybody changes.

Most people believe personality is the combination of

experiences and yet still think of personality as static. This is wrong. If
you alter your experiences through behavioral changes you can
change your personality. By guiding your actions I will not only change

your personality, I will change it for the better.

It’s about changing your experiences by changing your behavior.

What are you going to do differently? You’re going to do what I tell
you. I’m going to make the decisions for you. All you have to do is

follow my instructions and give it time.

Defining Better

What Makes a Good Personality?

There are millions of potentially “good” personality profiles. What

all successful personality types have in common is their ability to
relate and communicate with people. It’s all about how other people
perceive you. A good personality is one that is flexible and can adapt.

The result: Maximum compatibility with other people.

Those who have the most compatibility are the most successful.

They are the happiest and reap the most rewards. The aim of this

book is to give you such a personality.

What To Change Into

Before we work on how to change yourself, we must first

examine what you’re going to change into. Obviously, without a clear
goal in mind as to what you must become, you cannot change for the
better.

We all have ideas about what makes a person happy/successful.

Such ideas are usually derived from observing people we know. This
includes both celebrities and people we know personally. Most authors
would simply advise you to become what you want to become and

emulate those you admire. The problem with this is that it is
encouraging you to ‘choose’ what you should become. Since you have
developed a problematic personality to begin with, you obviously are
not the best candidate to make these decisions.

Let’s face it: if you need to read this book (and there is nothing

wrong with that) you have a perverted view of what makes a good
personality. This stems from having ideals that are likely not
compatible with society.

Many people assume it is a good idea to form their personality

around celebrities they respect. Music lovers tend to provide good
examples of this. While -you- may think it is cool to be apathetic and

withdrawn like Kurt Cobain, such attributes will work against you. But
it worked for Kurt Cobain? Well, not really. Being a rock star worked
for Kurt Cobain. You’re not a rock star, so you have to accept that you
must find a personality that matches your lifestyle. It’s all about

compatibility.

Initial Rules of Successful Personalities

You Must Conform

Many people who fail socially do so because they do not conform

with the rest of society. This usually stems from experiences of
rejection. While I appreciate your situation, you’re going to have to
shed this attitude completely.

In short, you cannot be successful and well-liked if you choose

not to conform to some degree. It’s just that simple. If your view is
that conformity is bad, look at where you are today. Are you happy?

Do you like your life? Do you have what you deserve? If you’re
unsatisfied and want to see things change, you’re going to have to
“suck it up” and lose the teenage attitude that not fitting in is “cool” or
whatever else.

It’s not cool because you end up losing in the end. Smart people

realize this and take advantage of it. They understand that the
benefits of conformity far outweigh what you get out of it not
conforming. Really though, trying to get what you want without

conforming is like swimming against the tide on purpose. It’s stupid,
so don’t do it.

If anything: just try to conform. See what you think. See if your

life improves. You owe it to yourself to at least try to bite your lip and
move with society instead of away from it.

Imitating Others

One thing a lot of people do is try to mirror the personality of

someone else. Usually this person is someone in the public eye, be it a
musician, actor, politician, comedian, etc. The two main reasons
people do this are:

They see someone who is successful and figure by
imitating them they will also be successful.

They have developed an appreciation for things this

person says and believe others will develop a similar
appreciation for them by replicating their behavior.

The first thing I want to say is: try not to do this. No matter how

good you think it sounds you must realize that you are not helping
yourself by doing this. First of all, by using lines, styles, etc. of people

in the public eye you run the risk of people noticing what you are
doing. Being ‘caught’ ripping someone off will destroy any credibility
you once had and is, not to mention, completely embarrassing.

Secondly, and more importantly, by doing this you hamper your ability
to develop a new personality.

Imitation prevents you from adapting your personality because it

is not natural. You become an actor and thus conversations are not
truly conversations. If you follow a certain script derived from what
you believe to be a good way to handle yourself you’re not changing
anything. You’re not even having a real conversation. This is not how

successful people do it.

Acting vs. Natural Change

I want to make it very clear that this book is not designed to be

a “guide” to acting in various situations. I want to teach you to change

the root of your personality. It is from this root that you thoughts,
comments, beliefs, etc. are derived. You cannot memorize an infinite
number of responses to different situations, but you can change the
overall theme of how you naturally behave. This is what personality

change is all about. It’s about spontaneous responses guided by the
backbone of your overall personality.

Backbones of Personality

Everybody’s personality has a certain backbone, which is

basically an overall theme to how they conduct themselves and think
about things. Each person’s backbone is unique and it is impossible not
to have one. It’s also impossible to completely copy someone else’s.

If you have an unsuccessful personality, it is due to a flawed

personality backbone. For whatever reason your backbone has
developed into something that is not compatible with the majority of

society. You must reprogram your backbone into something that is
compatible.

Some theorize that your personality is impossible to change.

These people are, of course, utterly wrong. To some this is evident in
looking at how people change throughout their lives. In many cases,
personality problems develop in later life, after childhood. What this
tells us is not only can personalities change, but it is also a natural
part of aging. In order to be successful, you simply have to point your

own development in the right direction.

Since everybody is different, some people have far more work

ahead of them than others. The amount of work you must do is

proportional to how dysfunctional your personality currently is.

To Reiterate: You are Not an Actor

There is a huge difference between changing your overall

personality and simply acting differently. Most people realize this
intuitively, but do not give it the proper attention it deserves.

When I make suggestions as to how you should act/behave, my

primary goal is to teach you how to train yourself to alter your
personality. This is not the type of book you read to train yourself to

act differently at a party or job interview. It’s designed to give you a
framework to live by that will eventually become so engrained that you
end up fundamentally altering how you -naturally- behave.

Anyone can deliver some one-liners in a crowd or make

themselves out to be someone they’re not. The question is whether or
not their behavior is natural or merely scripted. If your behavior is
scripted, you’re not only fooling those around you, you’re also fooling

yourself. The reason for this is that the behavior is not sustainable.

Moreover, you find yourself not actually enjoying conversation,

but simply “connecting the dots” and making ends meet. The goal of

this book is not to teach you how to “act” differently, but how to truly
become a different person.

This, of course, begs us to question: How is this accomplished?

How Personalities Change

By now you realize that a person is capable of fundamentally

changing how they think and behave. The question is: what makes this

possible?

The idea behind developing your personality into something new

revolves around the concept of psychological conditioning. Much like

physical conditioning, a person is able to alter their thinking patterns
by actively changing their behavior.

What most people don’t realize is that how we think is directly

tied to what we do. For instance, the act of smiling sends signals to

the brain to release chemicals that promote happiness. In other words,
your brain is taking cues from your body and altering its assessment of
your overall happiness.

The brain also is capable to changing its mental thinking

patterns. For evidence of this look at how religious cults are able to
completely transform a person into someone completely different.
Many view this “brainwashing” as negative because it is most often

used by one person to take advantage of another.

So am I trying to brainwash you with this book? Not quite. I’m

trying to teach you how to brainwash yourself. Instead of somebody
else forcing you to act a certain way and engraining ideas into your

head repeatedly, you’re going to be doing it yourself. It’s up to you
and it’s your responsibility to enforce my suggestions and live your life
the way I tell you to. While this is far from easy, keep in mind you’re
doing it for your own happiness. You’re going to improve your life in

countless ways.

People are successful with my method because they are rational.

They realize that the benefits of changing far outweigh the costs

(initial social anxiety, nervousness, risk of rejection, etc.). My book
simply provides them with the assurance and the tools they need to
make the transition.

Work and Time

Perhaps the most important factor in your own success is going

to be whether you put the effort into changing your own personality
for a significant amount of time or not. You must approach this book

as something you’re going to gear every aspect of your life around.
You have to be working at it all the time. There is no such thing as a
part-time commitment, or taking my suggestions “now and then”, it
must be followed constantly.

Many of the things I suggest you do will seem terrifying at first.

They will also seem terrifying the second time, and the fifth, and the
tenth, but eventually, that nervousness will begin to fade away. It

takes a lot of courage to initially confront social anxiety, act more
outgoing, approach new/more people, etc. and you should commend
yourself for it, but don’t celebrate too much. You really have to work
at my suggestions over a long period of time in order to truly change.

One thing I want to see you do is change from being an introvert

and extrovert. Becoming naturally extroverted requires a lot of time
and practice. You’ve likely spent years conditioning yourself to be the
exact opposite, so you cannot correct this overnight. Don’t worry too

much though. The important fact is that you can change this. Think
about it, if you could change overnight, nobody (including yourself)
would suffer from a problematic personality to begin with. If the
solution was that easy, you’d have found it by now (and so would

everybody else).

One thing I tell people all the time is that while you can’t change

immediately, the ease at which you progress will gradually increase
with time. It’s going to get easier as you go. With practice, you

improve and learn things along the way. You will not only learn about
the rewards, but you’ll also discover new ways to improve your own
approaches.

Barriers to Successful Personalities

So what makes people develop introverted, anti social, unlikable

(the list goes on) personalities? Well, experiences and initial
interpretation of these experiences plays a big part. A damaging
experience sometimes sets off a chain reaction of thought patterns and

habits that can be very difficult to break. Like any habit, however, it’s
something you have the ability to control.

Perceived Obstacles

I want to take some time to highlight some of the things you

likely perceive as standing in your way and why that perception is
wrong.

Rejection – This is by far the #1 fear people have. From birth

society has programmed us to fear rejection. This makes logical sense
because those who are rejected, in general, reap fewer benefits in
society (financially and socially). In order to get anywhere with other

people, you must risk rejection. Avoiding these risks (to subsequently
avoid rejection) will leave you in the same position as someone who is
rejected 100% of the time. This is not groundbreaking news. You
already KNOW this. Why do you still avoid rejection? It’s because the

rejection itself has prioritized itself over the benefits of acceptance.

Simply put, you must learn to accept rejection is natural and

move on in spite of it. Each new person/group is a new opportunity.

It’s like playing the lottery for free. If you are successful with
someone, you’re ahead. If you’re not successful, you’re essentially in
the same position as before. So start taking these free spins because if
you don’t you’ll always miss out.

Some will argue that the rejection itself is a loss because it

hurts. This is a logical point to make, however you must realize that
it’s only a loss if you view it that way. You have to develop an
understanding that other people’s disinterest in you is largely

irrelevant. It just doesn’t matter at all. Because there are so many
different people out there, individual rejections are no loss. What
would you rather? 3 people who like you and 3 who don’t, or 6 people
who don’t know you? The latter is completely useless to you. It’s a

waste. Don’t live this way anymore.

If you work at facing rejection it will become easier. Besides

most people, just like you, are craving for attention, acceptance, etc.
If you try, you will find success and learn to put failures (or rejections)

to the wayside with time.

I’m not going to beat around the bush/insult your intelligence

with exercises designed to make things easier initially because they

don’t work. No matter how many times you practice in the mirror or
with someone else, you’re still going to have to make a move
eventually. Just start doing it.

Judging – It is natural for us to fear being judged. We don’t like

people forming opinions of us because we fear they will be negative.
Much of what I said above under rejection is also relevant here (as
both are closely related) in terms of cost/benefit and there being

almost no effect of negative judgments. Let me focus on another point
instead: You’re hardly being judged to begin with.

We tend to have a perception that other people are genuinely

interested in what we say and how we conduct ourselves. This couldn’t

be further from the truth. 95% of what you do and say goes largely
undetected (or is soon forgotten). Trust me on this. Most people worry
too much about themselves to care about what other people say/do. It
is thus foolish to worry about people judging you because they likely

aren’t paying attention at all anyway. People do, however, tend to
notice/remember those who avoid them because they perceive it as
somewhat of an insult.

By not participating you are going to be judged the most. If you

say nothing, you’re going to be judged on your quietness. This means
people will negatively remember you as being shy, nervous, awkward,
etc. because it gives them a sense of empowerment over you. By
being quiet around them you are simply confirming their importance.

If you take part in conversations you will earn respect and

friendship no matter how pointless your remarks are (there will be
more on this topic later).

Admitting To Yourself That You Need Other People

Another reason some people develop personality problems is

that they are afraid to admit (to themselves and others) that they
need other people. They see it as showing a sign of personal
weakness.

The problem is that by avoiding people, others will view you as

weak and thus gain a sense of empowerment from you. Instead of

seeing you as independent, they see you as afraid. Don’t believe me?
How many loud, outgoing kids got beat up/made fun of in school? It’s
always the quiet, shy, reserved, people that end up taken advantage
of. If you’re one of these people, you’re going to have to change (or

continue to face the consequences).

Think about how you see people. Do you view outgoing or

extroverted people as weak? Or do you respect/envy them. The vast

majority of people will choose the ladder.

Realize the same is true when it comes to yourself. You’re not

demonstrating independence by avoiding others, you’re demonstrating

weakness.

Combating Individualism

Many people develop problematic personalities because they are

individualistic “thinkers”. They also tend to be critical, cynical,
pessimistic, opinionated, etc. What this means is that when someone
speaks to them the way I do in this book, they are naturally defensive,
critical, etc. “How dare this guy tell me what is good and bad?”

All I can say is that you got this book because you don’t like how

you’ve become. You’re unhappy or unsatisfied. You REALISE there is a
problem. Put your confidence in me and realize that I have the

answers. You’re wrong if you think I’m wrong. It’s just that simple.
Think about it. You are where you are today, at least in part, because
your idea of how to act/think is flawed.

You must read this with an open mind. When I say to do

something, do it. Don’t second guess what I say. Ask yourself: How far
has doubting and second guessing gotten me so far? Not very far.

This type of defensive thinking is a huge part of your problem.

Don’t let it stand in the way of the solution.

Accept the Unpleasant

Don’t be Afraid to Admit that you Hate Yourself

Don’t be afraid to say “I hate myself.” There is nothing wrong

with this. In fact, you should be proud to have the courage to actually
admit it. Some people ought to hate themselves. They’ve made bad
choices and failed miserably at a lot of things. What is there to like?

Coming to the realization that you don’t like how you’re operating as a
person is the first step in correcting it. Embrace it and move on.

People are depressed because they don’t like their lives or

themselves. Many ‘therapists’ will try to brainwash such people into
liking themselves. Does this make sense? This is merely rewarding
their flawed behavior. If a Dog fails to meet his trainer’s instruction,
should he give the Dog a biscuit anyway?

There’s a reason people are not successful: they are doing

something wrong. By encourage them to continue down the same path
you’re merely guaranteeing future failure. But hey, I bet it keeps them
coming back for treatment, doesn’t it? Sometimes I question the

motives behind these techniques because they seem so
counterintuitive.

This is not to say that all people who fail should just “give up”.

There are many instances when a person merely needs to refine/keep
going to achieve their goals. I’m not talking about specific instances,
but an overriding operational set. Sometimes persistence is part of the
solution. I’m referring to people who have an overall theme of
dissatisfaction in their lives.

We’re not trying to repair what’s already there. I need you to

recognize what’s there is trash and must be thrown away and
replaced.

Origin of Personality

You’re Not Born With a Personality

A lot of people like to convince themselves that they are “born”

with a personality. This makes it easier to accept their own flawed
characters because they see it as “not their fault”. It also makes the
notion of change impossible and thus takes the pressure off the person

to make difficult choices.

For the record: People are born with a clean slate. While genetics

is likely relevant on some levels, your personality, for the most part, is

something that develops with age that hinges on your interpretation of
your own experiences.

The idea behind recognizing that we are largely a product of our

experiences is that our personality is capable of changing. Whether we

realize it or not, our personality is changing everyday. We don’t notice
this because it happens so slowly. It’s just like looking in the mirror
everyday. The process is so gradual you are unable to perceive the
changes. Despite this, I’m sure if you were to think back to who you

were as a child you would agree that you had a very different
personality.

Typically our personality changes most significantly through

childhood and early adulthood. Unfortunately, when we reach
adulthood, changes become far more gradual. If you’ve reached
adulthood and are disheartened by what you’ve become, you must act
aggressively to change. This is the only way you’ll ever improve. Don’t
expect things to get better on their own.

The whole point of this book is to give you the tools to actually

make those changes – to be a different person.

How Future Experiences are Altered by Past Ones

How you perceive and live your life today is directly related to

what you’ve been through thus far (and how you interpreted it/learned

from it). If your life has been awful up until this point, there is a good
chance it will continue on this way. The reason behind this is partly
due to how you’ve developed to perceive the world and its impact
upon you.

Nobody wants to be unhappy, depressed, afraid, etc. Many end

up this way due to things largely beyond their control.

There are dozens of books about how to move beyond your past.

Psychotherapists deal with past issues constantly. I’m not here to tell
you to move on or give you a motivation speech. I solely want you to

realize that past experiences alter present ones. This is proof that your
personality is governed, at least in part, by what you do.

It is possible to change your personality/the way you view the

world by changing what you’re doing right now.

This book will teach you how to conduct yourself in a manner

that will lead to natural changes to your personality. This means

eventually you will essentially become a happier/more successful/more
social person. As you’ll soon learn, this is a process that takes a lot of
effort and a lot of time to accomplish.

Psychological Conditioning

Hopefully by this point you realize/appreciate that personality

change is possible through behavioral changes/time and that it is
worth your while to change for the better. Furthermore, you ought to

have a clear understanding of how people with successful personalities
behave/think (more social, less anxious, etc.)

What follows is what you have to do/not do to become one of

those people. Remember, these are behavioral changes that with time
will alter the backbone of your personality allowing you to “naturally”
behave in a new, more favorable manner. Follow these suggests and
give it time.

Talking to Yourself

One thing that people with flawed personalities do a lot is talk in

their heads. You have to stop talking to yourself immediately.

Why is this bad? For one thing, people talk to themselves to

replace talking to others. It’s antisocial. The more you talk to yourself,
the less you are going to be talking to other people.

People also tend to debate their own actions and words with

themselves. They criticize what they’ve done; second guess
themselves, debate future actions/words, talk themselves into being

nervous about their opinions, etc. It’s like living with a parrot on your
shoulder constantly calling you down. This leads to depression and
social anxiety. It makes you unsuccessful with other people and
destroys overall happiness.

Those with successful personalities don’t tend to “think” so much

about what they are doing. While you may consciously question
everything you do, successful people are driven more by impulse.
Talking/debating things with yourself is like driving with the brakes on,

you won’t get where you want to go. You have to stop this and I’m
going to teach you how. Right now you are simply in the habit of self-
talking. You have developed this way out of “comfort”, but it’s
something you can and will change with practice.

You’re probably thinking “if I act on impulse and stop

questioning myself, won’t I end up doing a bunch of stupid things.” No.
You won’t. I hate to go back to the car analogies, as some mechanics

likely would disagree with my last one, but here’s another: If you were
driving down the road and a child ran in front of your car, would you
discuss with yourself whether to slam on the brakes or just do it?

Subconsciously you are always monitoring your actions. Deep down,
you impulsively know what is wrong or right and this is evident in
urgent situations when your subconscious automatically takes over
(like the one I just described).

You need to learn to let your deeper impulses make more

decisions. You ought to go through life knowing that you simply
wouldn’t do anything stupid because subconsciously you’re monitoring

everything you do. The vast majority of what the brain does is
impulsive. What you actually have to “think about” is very slim. It is
SUPPOSED to work this way. Excessive self-communication merely
interferes with your own better judgment.

How to Stop Talking to Yourself (self communication)

Stopping the self-talking is truly one of the most important

aspects of personality change. It’s an attribute that nearly everyone

with a successful personality has to some degree. It will help you in
unimaginable ways, making you more outgoing, interesting, likeable,
and comfortable with yourself.

Here’s how you do it:

Monitoring – Knowing that self-communication must be stopped is the
first step in this process. You must teach yourself to “realize” when

you are doing it so you can stop. This will be tricky at first (and there
inevitably be times when you miss it), but with time and practice it will
get easier. When you get out of bed prepared to adapt a
fundamentally different approach to your life, you will remember that
self-communication must be stopped because it is such a crucial

aspect of the whole process.

Realization – This is the self-explanatory result of monitoring. It’s
when you realize you’re talking to yourself. You must immediately

stop. Using the focus shifting technique may help you accomplish this.

•

Focus Shifting – This is a technique of psychological conditioning
that helps a person redirect their conscious thoughts to “take

their mind” away from other, problematic, thoughts (such as
self-communication). To focus shift, you use the realization
stage as a trigger for other thoughts. It usually helps to have

something preplanned or to focus on something in the
environment.

Preplanned Thoughts
Having preplanned thoughts to prevent self communication can be
useful because it eliminates lag time (during which you are vulnerable
to accidentally revert back to self-communication). Maybe you want to

think about lying on a beach, maybe you like to count numbers,
whatever it is, so long as it takes you away from self-conversation, it
will work.

Continuation – Here you must move back into acting without self
communication. You move on. Continue whatever it is you are doing
without talking to yourself about it.

Introvert to Extrovert

Many people will see a lot of my suggestions as ways to turn a

person from an introvert into an extrovert. I would agree with this. I’m
not just trying to change your personality, I’m trying to change it for

the better. Extroverts tend to be happier, richer, healthier, have more
friends, lead more interesting lives, etc. They are more successful in
virtually every avenue of life.

How many extroverted people are trying to convert themselves

into being shy and anti-social? None. Nobody wants to admit their own
flaws. But if you’re thinking, “I like keeping to myself” or “my favorite
artist was the same way” or anything else in support of being an

introvert, remember:

1) you shouldn’t be talking to yourself
2) your favorite artist was probably quite unhappy (and I stress

was because there is also a good chance he’s dead)

Intelligent Acting People are the Unhappiest

Ever notice that those who pride themselves on being intelligent

also tend to be quite unhappy? If you’re one of these people, it’s in
your best interest to change. Let’s face it: the only person you’re
impressing is yourself (and you’re likely not even accomplishing that).
If you want people to respect/like you, don’t try to go over their head

and demonstrate your own intelligence. It looks bad, it sounds bad and
most importantly, it reflects badly upon yourself.

Unless you’re defending a college thesis, spare others the “smart

talk”.

Care What Other People Think

People hate to admit that they care about what other people

think of them. But anyone who lies and says otherwise is truly pathetic

(and trust me, those who say they don’t care, care the most). Really
though, the only people who don’t care aren’t thinking to say they
don’t care (and they are EXTREMELY rare).

Think back to high school, who were the people who cared the

most about what others thought? The preps? No. The jocks? No. The
gothic/music people? Yes. It was the ‘outsiders’ who cared. These
people go out of their way to act weird/different (as that is the root of

their “group”). The message they want to project is: we don’t care
what you think. The reality is that those who truly don’t care would
never think to make a statement out of it. Do you protest things you
don’t care about? No. Why? Because you’re not thinking about them to
begin with.

In terms of popularity/happiness/success think about how far

those who distance themselves go. Not very far. Those who reject
society are rejected by society. If you are rejected by society, you are

going to miss out huge on the benefits that society offers.

You have to think, what makes people happy? Being liked,

accepted, respected, etc. Those who don’t achieve these factors

generally remain unhappy. What can you learn from this? Accept the
fact that you do care and embrace it to the fullest. I’m going to teach
you how taking advantage of this can work to your benefit.

For those who pride themselves on being apathetic, realize these

two things right now:

1. You are likely among the least apathetic people out there

(apathetic people don’t go “out of their way” to show they are

apathetic)

2. Since pretending to be apathetic is so obviously

desperate/pathetic/etc. people will naturally avoid/not care
about you. The result of this is that you lose.

The truly smart people care what people think, yet never

outwardly mention it either way. They go about their lives with a

conscious awareness that they must “play the societal game” or suffer.
Let’s face it, not everything is going to be handed to you. You have to
work, in one way or another, to achieve what you want. By playing up

to societal norms, you are “working” to a certain extent. You either
play along or lose out: plain and simple.

Behaving in Social Situations

Nobody Likes People who are Negative

It’s fine to criticize and complain now and then, but if you make

a habit out of it people won’t like being around you. By pointing out
problems, you simply restrict the ability of other people to be happy. If
you are preventing the happiness of others, they won’t like you.

People become naturally critical/pessimistic for a number of

reasons. I think the most important one is that it makes easy
conversation. It’s easy to think of something to complain about. It’s

also easy for someone else to respond to it. In this way, it helps move
conversations along and gives those who are scrambling for words
something to say. The problem is that doing it hurts your overall
success rate in terms of people liking you.

Those who frequently use critical comments to contribute to

conversations do so largely out of habit. Somewhere along the line
they have discovered how easy it was to point out negative things
other people can relate to. When you point out an obvious negative

you don’t have to worry about other people missing your point – this is
why I say it’s easy.

For the critical speaker, there is an ill-perceived level of success.

They see other people react to their comment with interest and falsely
believe to be scoring points with the other person. In reality, they are
contributing to the other person’s disinterest in them. The illusion of
success leads them to repeat this behavior and eventually a habit is

formed.

You have to stop doing this by monitoring what you say and

screening out the negative.

Smile More

Ever notice TV personalities are always smiling? How often does

Regis frown? There’s a reason for this: Viewers like and appreciate

people they perceive as happy and will continue to tune back in.

It is no different in real life. If you want people to like you more

and feel positive about you it is imperative that you smile more often.

This is all about body language. When you smile it makes people more

comfortable and happy being around you. As a result, they like you
more.

Another reason why it pays to smile is that it’s been proven to

actually increase your own level of happiness. Our brain is influenced
by what we do physically. By smiling you, in a sense, trick yourself
into thinking you’re happy (which, I suppose, is no different than

“actually” being happy. Happiness is happiness.). Obviously being
happy is beneficial in more ways than the obvious.

You’ll be able to communicate better, illicit positive responses

from people, leave positive impressions, and be more willing to take
needed ‘risks’ if you smile more. Told you this stuff was simple.

Tell People What they Want to Hear

Almost all successful people get there by telling others what they

want to hear. This is a fact. You have to play to your audience.
Consider what these people are about and what their ideals are then
respond accordingly. If you know someone is into sports, act

interested. Educate yourself on the topic and let them have it. People
like those who they feel have similar views and interests. It’s just the
simple. If you want someone to like you, you have to figure out what
they want to hear and let them hear it.

Many people take this as meaning you have to be an ultra

politically correct person who never says anything risky or interesting.
This is simply not true. You just have to aim your comments within the

realm of acceptability of your audience. It’s okay to say surprising
things, just make sure the people you are talking to will appreciate it.
Don’t think that everybody, or even the majority of the population,
must agree with what you’re saying. It’s only the people you’re
conversing with that must agree with you. Know your audience.

What about people who make careers out of saying controversial
things?

Sometimes readers will see guys like Bill Maher on TV making

obviously unpopular statements and think: “well look how successful
and interesting he is, I’ll have to be more controversial.” This is
completely wrong. When you have an audience of millions of people,

and 20% of them like what you’re saying, you’re going to be incredibly
successful. The thing is, you don’t have a random audience of millions
of people. It’s a completely different situation in real life.

Don’t be fooled, Bill Maher is no different. He is playing into the

hands of his audience – and you should too.

Won’t I have to act like a completely different person depending on
who I’m around?

To some extent: yes. But keep in mind you’re likely doing this

anyway. Almost everybody acts different depending on who they are
talking to. I’m sure you act like a completely different person around
your coworkers than your immediate family, for example.

There’s a famous episode of Seinfeld where social “worlds” are

discussed and how combining them is bad. The reason for this is that
the way we act around some people we know is not compatible with

how we act around others.

Acting different is thus natural. The only question is whether or

not you are going to be smart and play to your audience as much as
possible, or if you want to maintain your personal stance and let the

rewards/benefits of conformity fall to the wayside.

Getting Inside People’s Heads

We All Want to Believe that Other People Feel that Same Way.

The first thing you must realize is that your personal perception

of yourself (and of right and wrong) is usually vastly different than
what others think.

It’s a distorted reality in which we live. It’s natural to believe

that the majority of people have similar views as us (known as
ethnocentrism). This is just simply untrue. You have to realize this and
watch what you say accordingly. Let people tell you what they like

before you tell them what you like. This gives you the upper hand in
the conversation. If you know what they want, you’re able to give
them what they want.

Don’t make the assumption that other people agree with you.

Work from the perspective that you have no idea what a person’s
opinions are and thus you cannot reveal your own (or what you want
to make them believe they are) unless you are sure they match.

Ask people what they think. Simply say “what do you think of

that?” People LOVE to hear that you are interested in their opinions
and you also get the upper hand in the relationship by knowing how to
impress them.

Every battle is won before it is ever fought. Prepare yourself and

base your comments on what you know and not what you think.

American Idol

A good example of how people unrealistically perceive

themselves is presented on the TV show American Idol. Part of the
show’s success is from portraying people who are unable to accurately
gauge their own abilities. They are unable to perceive how bad they

sound. Realize that when it comes to yourself, you’re in your own
reality. You just cannot always make accurate judgments.

This is why it is best to wait on the sidelines for other people to

show you what they appreciate instead of trying to use your own
intuitions.

Gain Trust by Letting People Down on Irrelevant Points

We live in a naturally suspicious society. For this reason, it is

essential that you gain people’s trust. There is no better way to do this
than to make them believe you are speaking against your own best
interest. In other words, learn how to give people a small degree of
information that makes you look bad.

If it is obvious that what you are saying is not to your complete

advantage, people will naturally develop a level of trust for you. They
will think “this person is willing to say things against his own interest”.

In reality, you are acting IN your own interest. The key is to never say
anything so against your own interest that it will hamper getting what
you want from the other person.

You simply must give enough information for them to believe

that you are not trying to act ‘in your own interest”. Tell them 95% of
what they want to hear. Hit the right buttons, but mix in a few things
that are less compatible. It’s also important that you only “disappoint”
them on fairly irrelevant factors. This requires you to gage what is

truly important and what isn’t. Let them down on a few less important
things.

By disappointing them on irrelevant information, the other

person grows to appreciate your ‘honesty’ and is thus more willing to
give you what you want from them. In other words, letting them down
marginally can work to your advantage.

Being “Called” on Inconsistencies

Given that you are going to inevitably wind up being a little less

than socially sincere, it’s important to discuss ways to react to others
potentially noticing this.

First of all, the chances of this ever happening are extremely

slim. If it does happen, most people would only bring it up in a
nonchalant way (meaning: they are just making conversation and

don’t really care). If this is the case, the best thing to do is say “oh
yeah” or “yeah well you know” or something similar and simply move
on in the conversation.

It’s important that you react without surprise or concern. If your

body language is smooth, it will go smoothly. You don’t have to
explain yourself. Never explain yourself. The ABSOLUTE worst thing

you can do is act like a deer caught in the headlights and then try to
argue your way out. Be smooth, don’t disagree, and then change the
topic.

Okay, but what about getting called in a more “serious” fashion?

What if the person is concerned about your inconsistencies?

Again, the deer in the headlights/explanation is the worst way to

handle it. What I like to do is simply say without emotion “I lied”. This
will work wonders because people will find it humorous. They won’t
know what to think other than to laugh. This also leaves you looking in

control, confident, and seemingly unconcerned. This is what you want
to happen. If this doesn’t work and the person continues to press you,
simply say “I changed my mind” and move on. If the person still
continues to try and out you, turn the tables on them. Say “It’s nice to

know you’re so interested in me” or something of that nature.

If you act like it’s not a big deal, it won’t be. Stay in control.

Pursue Conversations

Maintaining/Forming Relationships

In a perfect world, we would never have to put effort into

forming relationships (large or small scale). In reality, it’s an absolute
must. This isn’t just about approaching people for the first time, it’s
also about people you deal with on a daily basis. There has to be some

level of balance to each relationship. If you’re not making efforts to
contact/keep in touch with those you meet, eventually these people
will stop also (because it serves as a signal they are not wanted).

If you’re the type of person who doesn’t start conversation, call

people, approach, etc. you’re simply going to fail. People are not going
to care about you and you’ll end up missing out on all the benefits
involved in having successful contacts.

One of the reasons people fail to make an effort is that they fear

rejection (which is addressed above), and also because that they get
lazy. Let’s face it, not everybody in this world is a pleasure to deal
with, but if they have something you want, you’re going to have to grit

your teeth and go after it.

Following the advice in the above three paragraphs is an

absolute must. You simply cannot have a successful personality if you

don’t work to maintain and grow relationships with people.

Go After the Right People

If you want to be popular and admired, you need to be liked by

other people who are popular and admired. For this reason, it’s always
best to approach and befriend those who are popular. It’s like anything
else. If you wanted an actor’s autograph, would you rather get
someone acting at a local playhouse or Tom Cruise? One is WORTH

MORE than the other. No matter what you’re getting, getting what is
worth more leaves you better off.

Google.com indexes websites by rating them on a basis of

importance. If a website with a high rank links itself to your website,
your website’s rank will automatically be raised. It takes importance to
get importance. The exact same is true in the social world.

One of the reason’s people go after those at the lower rung of

the social ladder is that it seems easier. There is less of a threat and

less fear of rejection. Remember: You’ll not get very far by taking the
easy route. You’re just wasting your time to focus your efforts on
impressing those with little influence.

By going after those at the top, you’ll position yourself among

those people. This also gives you easy access to all the people below
them. Aligning yourself with those who are respected and admired will

almost instantly give you the same level of recognition.

It’s Not what You Say, It’s that You Say It.

While quality is more important than quantity in many things in

life, talking is not one of them.

If doesn’t matter what you’re saying, if you’re talking people will

like you. This is what I want you to realize. The more you talk, the
better off you’ll be (within reason). You have to keep this in mind.

One common mistake people make is thinking they actually have

to have something witty/funny/intelligent to say. You don’t. Successful

people are talking all the time. You really think much of what they are
saying is overly great? It’s not. The reason they are successful with
people is that they are talking.

Now, keep in mind that I’m not suggesting you talk over

everyone. I’m suggesting that you continually contribute whether or
not you have anything particularly relevant to say. Keep on topic, but
don’t worry about saying something particularly inventive. Think about

it, people talk constantly in public, how much of the conversation do
you think people actually remember? Most people walk away from
conversations (particularly group conversations) and never mentally
return to them (or even remember them) again. This is natural. People
won’t remember what you’ve said, they’ll remember that you had

something to say.

This is another extremely important realization you have to

make. The content is almost meaningless, it’s all about contributing.

You must contribute.

Your Comment Goes Seemingly Unnoticed

We’ve all experienced this. You’re talking in a group of 3+

people and you make a comment that is seemingly ignored. There are
a number of possible reasons for this. Perhaps someone else’s remark
overshadowed yours (the LIKELY scenario), maybe a situational factor
coincidentally killed your comment, maybe the topic of conversation

was switched at the same time you introduced your remark.

Now, the problematic personality will take this and think: they

didn’t care about what I had to say. If this is how you think, this is

something you must work on. Just remember, it’s a personal sign of
weakness to be so concerned of rejection. Learn to accept that it has
NOTHING to do with you.

EVERYBODY has times where their remark has gone unnoticed.

Pay attention to that: unnoticed. For whatever reason, nobody noticed.
What does this mean? It means you still have a clean slate. If you take
such incidents and use it as an excuse to hate everyone and stop
talking you are screwing yourself over. The reality is that, like many

comments, yours has slipped into oblivion, which is completely normal.
The successful person thinks nothing of this. The unsuccessful person
questions their worth/ability and restricts future speech. Remember
this.

When your comment goes unnoticed you must move on and

think nothing of it. Really now, think about it, if you were a successful,
liked, strong person, would it really matter? Of course not. If it

naturally matters to you, practice moving on and thinking nothing of it
(because that’s the rational response). Just give it a try. Keep talking.
Ignore your doubts and move on. Pretty soon those doubts will be all
but forgotten (or unnoticed, much like you comment).

Physical Appearance

This book isn’t about physical appearance. It’s about changing

your personality for the better. Since physical appearance can play a
huge part in helping this cause, I’m including a brief section on it.

Lose Weight if Need Be

And you thought black people were discriminated against? Man.

I don’t care what color your skin is or how insane the religious
nonsense you believe is, nobody in society is discriminated against
more than overweight people. If you are fat, people are looking at you
and facing a sense of empowerment and privilege from comparing

themselves to you. If that makes you feel like shit, it should. Realize
this (ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE FEMALE).

I should go on. Overweight women are at an extreme

disadvantage in society. You will almost never be accepted/respected

to a fair degree unless you lose weight if you are female. If you are
male, you also should lose weight. I like to ‘keep it real’, or whatever,
so I’m not going to pretend that this isn’t a bigger deal for women
than men: it is.

Don’t believe any nonsense you see on TV about Queen Latifah

or whatever else, you MUST lose weight if you are noticeably
overweight. Society is very hard on overweight people (and frankly,

this couldn’t be more obvious). It’s not fair, it’s stupid, it’s wrong, but
it’s reality.

This is no weight loss book, but I’ll give you one tip on losing

weight. It’s not about how much fat you consume or necessarily about

how much you exercise. It’s all about CALORIES. Calories are the
amount of energy you get from food. If you get too many, you will
store that extra energy as fat. If you get too few, you will lose weight.
It is impossible to lose or gain weight without a caloric

deficiency/oversupply. It IS just that simple. Vegetables, fruit, water,
jogging, gym, rice, low fat products, Atkins diet, zone diet, dr phil’s
bullshit, etc. etc. etc. FORGET all this.

If you want to lose weight, lower your caloric intake in

comparison with what someone your age/gender/weight/height needs
to maintain their weight. This is ALL that is needed. BELIEVE ME.

Why else would nutritional labels always so prominently feature

calories first?

I don’t care how angry you are about what you just read. This is

the reality we ALL live in. Accept it and capitalize on it. If you lack the
common sense to take advantage of this, it’s your loss. You’re not
going to change the world.

Oh, and do speak to a Doctor before making any dietary

changes. Can’t forget the disclaimer☺

If You Have a Beard, Get Rid of It.

If you have a full beard, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor by

shaving it off (especially if you are female (joking (well not really))).
Most people deep down feel uncomfortable with bearded people

because they are perceived to be hiding something. Survey after
survey has proven that in our culture a beard is simply frowned upon.
This does not hold true for all people. For instance, in some Muslim
cultures, if you don’t have a significant beard, they’ll kill you. Since

you are not living under the Taliban, shave it off.

By the way, some of the advice given in this book is less

important than others. Cosmetic suggestions like these are obviously

not a priority (unless you are taking something to an extreme), but
nonetheless will help you with your changes.

Sometimes changing your physical appearance can help you

alter your psychological approach (which is required to change). When

you see a different person in the mirror, it’s easier to act like a
different person. The result: It’s easier for you to implement my
suggestions and change naturally.

If you’re reading this and you’re sporting a Goatee, I’m not so

much referring to you. Goatees just don’t seem to have the “turn off”
factor that beards do. Mustaches are also fine (assuming you are over
35 years of age).

Lose the Irrational Dreams

You’re Not Going to Change the World

Don’t think that someday people are going to see things your

way if you continue on the way you are. This will never happen.

I bet you think that if you were president, you would be able to

save the world, find peace, etc. Did you really think it was this easy?
Do you really think you, of all people, have the answers? I can

understand if you do (because many people do -think- that way), but
trust me, you don’t. If it were that easy, it would have been done a
long time ago.

Look at Ghandi, one of the most respected/admired personalities

of all time. He was known for his great influence and ability to
persuade others. We all know his most famous words: “an eye for an
eye makes the whole world blind”. Look at the world today. Has he
made that much of a difference? No. People are killing each other as

you read this. And I’m not even just talking about the Muslims vs.
Westerners shit. Look at what goes on in Africa each day. People are
slaughtering each other.

I’m not trying to make a political statement here. I just want you

to realize that the world is what it is. Society is what it is. People are
what they are. The only thing you have the ability to control/change is
yourself and that’s what you have to do. You have to become

compatible with society (not the other way around).

The bottom line here is that living with a fantasy about people

someday seeing things “your way” is counterproductive. Maybe you
don’t like this FACT. But you must just accept it and move on. Move

beyond your fantasies and accept and take advantage of the reality
you are immersed in. Those who do this end up the best off, by far.

Handling Conversation

Other People Like it When you Talk to Them

This is the attitude you have to take everyday of your life. Is it

actually true? Of course it is. The vast majority of people love being
talked to (assuming the time/circumstances are appropriate). It makes

them feel wanted, accepted and important. These feelings are
universally positive. Everybody wants this. You have to understand
this. It’s important that you use this as an overall theme when
approaching people.

Work from the assumption that people want you to talk to them.

You Also Don’t Need to Have Anything Interesting to Say in
Group Conversations

People who “fit in” reap the most rewards in society. They are

the best off. If you can’t handle yourself in everyday conversations
you’ll never be socially successful.

First of all, what I’m about to say applies mostly to group

situations. This is where you have between 3 and 10 people talking to
each other. This is not to be applied so much to romantic dates, job

interviews, or anything else in which intelligence responses are
expected.

One common misperception socially anxious people have is that

they must have something interesting to say. The truth is: you don’t.
You simply need to say something. As much as it pains us to realize,
people just don’t pay that much attention to each other when there
are a number of people talking (you know this from above). This is
just a natural phenomenon.

Don’t approach regular conversations like you would an interview

on Larry King Live. You have to realize this. If you look at the way
people converse, the most successful people are not the ones who

meticulously plan each word like a movie script, but those who
basically say anything, within reason, that pops into their head.

If you’re the typical reader who sees this and sarcastically

thinks: “oh that’s intelligent now.” THIS is your problem. You are
thinking too much. Look, all this intelligent conversation is fine in “one

on one” situations. But, in general, if you are the type of person who
has trouble conversing with a number of people at one time, this is the
reason why.

Group conversations simply work differently. People are not

paying the same level of attention and your remarks must reflect that.
Otherwise, you may as well not be there.

The Only Person Standing in Your Way is Yourself

Some people get so nervous and worked up when dealing with

other people that they simply cannot function. What you have to
realize (for the 20

time) is that being rejected is completely

harmless. If you don’t take chances approaching people, you’re going
to miss out on an endless number of opportunities. You’ll also continue

to grow more alienated from society as you age.

One thing that can bring you comfort is that there is a truly

endless number of people out there who are capable of providing what
you want. For instance, if you’re after money, no one person is

standing in your way. If you want friends, girlfriends, followers,
whatever it is you want from people, there will always be new people
to offer you this opportunity. YOU are the only person that is standing
in your way. If you fail to impress someone, or if someone rejects you,

you wind up no worse off. So what do you have to lose?

Nothing. That’s what you have to realize. Once you start going

after people, you’ll learn to shrug off rejections. This is how successful

people do it. You think the guy that gets rejected 4 times in a club
cares when he takes home girl #5? Of course not. You’re either
successful or you’re back where you started. If you’re not embracing
this, you’re missing out.

If you work at and practice accepting this, it will eventually

become second nature to you.

Getting Over Nervousness of Talking to People

The only way to overcome the anxiety you experience with

talking to people (naturally), is to (1) alter how you fundamentally
think about other people and (2) converse with people more (practice

makes perfect).

Much of this book is dedicated to giving you a new view of other

people. I want you to see them from another perspective. You need to
realize that no single person is all that important and that other people

as a whole are your sole keys to opportunity. While you must try to
impress other people, failing to impress them leaves you no worse off.
There is no penalty for failure.

This book is about changing your personality. This means that by

implementing my suggestions everyday you will eventually develop a
new approach to how you deal with life and the people around you. It’s
not always going to be hard, just at first.

This is where the element of practice comes in. Nobody learns

anything overnight. It takes time. Retraining yourself to think
differently inherently takes a significant amount of time and effort.

Just know that as you progress, it will only get easier for you. Losing
your anxiety is one of the first areas in which you’ll notice your
progress. You may have to push yourself at first, but soon it will
become natural. Don’t forget to push yourself.

You don’t Need an Excuse to Talk to Someone

There is nothing that makes a person more respectable than one

who is able to just walk up to someone and smoothly talk to them.

Now, I don’t mean to freakishly approach someone and start talking
about some obscure topic. I mean open up conversation/or comment
to people who are naturally in your proximity (standing next to you,
sitting next to you already, otherwise similarly close by).

Think about it: when someone is so confident to think nothing of

talking with people they don’t know, do you look down upon them or
respect them? The vast majority of people are respectful and even
envious of such an ability. If you can do this, you will unquestionably

become more social and likeable. The only question is how to pull it
off.

Most people are unable to smoothly initiate conversation with

people they don’t know (and thus rarely do it). Here are some pointers
of how you can do it:

1. Topic – You MUST speak of something relevant in the

environment. This is usually something that just happened in
both your presence. Whether someone else said something,
something physically happened, etc.

Positive: You’re standing in line and a couple in the periphery
starts fighting loudly with each other. You may comment:

“now that’s entertaining”.

Negative: You’re standing next to someone in line at the
DMV. You say “so how about that war in Iraq”

I don’t care how anti-social or strange you are. Practically

everybody can recognize that the “negative” situation described above
is just plain awkward. Yet, despite this, people do this everyday. Of

course, they get rejected and are therefore fearful to try again.

To revise the title: You don’t need an excuse to talk to someone,

you just need to do it properly.

How to Have a Conversation

There are three separate pieces of everyday conversation: the

intro, content and the end. Those with social problems fear all three of

them. Here’s how to deal with it:

Introduction

This is the approach phase of conversations. One person speaks

first and the other reciprocates. People fear rejection at this stage and
it severely damages their social ability.

If you can’t enter the first stage, it’s also impossible for you to

form new relationships at will. Your sole source of connection is
through other people approaching you. As you know by know, social
people don’t approach those they believe to be anti social.

Unless you want to let other people control who you talk to,

you’re going to have to start approaching. This way you’ll vastly
increase the number of connections you make and get to select who
you talk to. As you become more sociable, you’ll also become more

approachable and people will start approaching you more (they read
your body language, see other people talking with you, hear about
your from other, etc. (in case you’re wondering how this happens).

Content

One reason people chose to avoid conversations is that they fear

they won’t have anything to talk about. The best way to combat this is
to pick your topics (topics, not individual lines) beforehand and

remember that you don’t need to say anything overly intuitive or
interesting (just make conversation). Just have a few things to say.

Avoid interviewing people: this is a huge problem many people

have. They approach conversations with new people like an interview
on the Tonight Show. Don’t just ask questions. Make comments and
let the other person respond. Try not to ask questions like “what do
you do”, “where are you from”, etc. etc. Just talk to them like you

already know them. If you’re able to do this, people will sense that
you’re special because you don’t need to ask the easy questions and
you’re comfortable enough to break out of traditional comfort zones. I
can’t emphasize this enough: Don’t just ask the easy/typical

questions.

Awkwardness: Awkward pauses are perhaps the most difficult

parts of conversations. They are also one of the reasons people are so
positively responsive to those who talk (as they prevent awkwardness

from occurring). My advice when it comes to awkwardness is to end
the conversation as soon as you feel it coming. It’s like when your
house is on fire, you get out. Move along and resume later. Don’t try
to fill silence by repeating yourself, saying “yup” over and over, or

anything else.

Ending

While how to end a conversation never receives much attention,

your ability to end a conversation is absolutely critical. It will help you
both approach conversations (because you won’t have to fear
awkwardness) and improve your social abilities.

My advice on ending a conversation is to make it swift, smooth,

and without explanation. You don’t have to keep standing around
talking to someone. When you’re finished discussing what you wanted
to discuss, get out.

You must realize that other people respond quite well

conversations breaking off abruptly. It’s surprisingly easy to say
“alright then”, “sounds good” or anything else and simply walk away

from a conversation. You don’t have to say goodbye or that you have
to go or anything else. Just say “okay” and leave. Of course, you do it
in a friendly manner, but you don’t have to make excuses for yourself.

You pretend you have somewhere else to go (or perhaps you really do)
and you leave.

If you’re reading this thinking “that may leave the other person

thinking I don’t like them” you’re wrong. This is how most people do it.
No explanations, excuses, or anything else. These quick exists are
painless and simple. If you go out of your way to excuse yourself,

you’re going to make the other person uncomfortable. Maximum
courtesy is not always a good thing when it comes to conversations.

When you leave the conversation this way it also puts you in a

position of power that people are naturally attracted to. We like people
who make things easy for us. If you make decisions on your own,
you’re going to be more respected.

So to recap: No excuses, reasons, or anything else. Move on with
confidence.

Taking Control of People

Now that you have a good understanding of the basics of

communication, it’s time you learn how to persuade and influence

people. Part of this involves projecting an image of importance. The
rest involves being proactive in getting what you’re looking for.

Act Like You’re Successful

Back in 1999, the movie American Dream was all the rage.

There was a very famous line in the movie along the lines of “you must
project an image of success to be successful.” I couldn’t agree more.

If you want people to listen to you, notice you, respect you, and

care about you, you must show them why you are worthy of their
attention. If you project an image of success, you will achieve the
attention you deserve.

A big part of this is not acting nervous. Always try to look as

relaxed and calm as possible. Remember, if you act like you have
nothing to worry about, you won’t worry as much (as you know your

physical actions impact your own state of mind). People want to be
around those who are in control and relaxed because it gives them
piece of mind. You want others to get this vibe off of you.

Try Not to Care Too Much about What Other People are Doing

Part of projecting an image of success involves showing a lack of

concern for the personal lives of others. After all, since your life is so
interesting, you simply don’t have the attention span, right? Maybe not

yet, but you must make people believe this is the case.

Gossip, criticizing, etc. It’s easy to talk bad about people. We

seem to thrive on it, but trust me, it won’t get you anywhere. If you

are the type of person who doesn’t care to gossip about what other
people are doing, what type of message does that send to others?

Importance. That’s what. It makes you seem as though your

own life is so successful and interesting that you don’t need to reflect
upon others. The result: People respect you more. This isn’t about
being a good person, it’s about making people like and respect you. It

just so happens that the honorable thing to do actually works in your
favor.

Trust me. If gossiping about other people led to social success, I

would be encouraging it. This isn’t about morals, it’s about turning into
someone who people respect, like, etc. I want you to reap the rewards
of societal acceptance. Nothing more. In order to do that, people must

think you are “special”. This is simply one element of achieving this
goal.

Become a Salesman

I’m not suggesting you apply for a job at a local car dealership,

instead I’m suggesting you alter your approach with how you deal with
people. You see, everybody out there has something you want.

Whether it’s a promotion, friendship, a date, good company, a job, or
a partnership, it’s useless to you if you’re unable to get what you want
out of other people. The only way to get what you want is to convince
other people to give it to you.

Selling people in everyday life is a lot like selling people in a

professional setting. All the same elements are required. You must
present an offer and persuade them to take it. If you don’t ask for, or
otherwise make an attempt to communicate what you want, you likely

won’t get it. Don’t be afraid to ask people for what you want.

Think of how a successful salesmen acts. They are positive,

excited, never negative, and build good rapport with people. They

laugh when you laugh and rarely disagree with what you say. This is
how you have to start acting. When you want something from
somebody, tell them what they want to hear. Listen to what they are
saying because they’ll tell you want they want to hear. Agree with
them. Compliment them. Make people like you by appealing to them in

this way, and then go at them for what you want.

Asking for the sale (so to speak) is commonly referred to as

closing. There are a couple of ways to close a person. The first is to

come right out and ask them (i.e. “so you want to go here with me
next weekend?”). This is known as an opened ended close. While this
is far better than not closing at all, an assumptive close is usually far
more successful. An example of an assumptive close would be “let’s go

here next weekend” or even “I’ll take you there next weekend”. You
assume they are going to say yes. Believe it or not, this is how most

people actually conduct themselves and it’s what you have to start
doing as well.

Many times people drop hints, beat around the bush, try to work

around to the topic they want, etc. You’ll be far more successful if you
start closing people instead of waiting for them to make a move. It
may be more difficult, but it will be far more rewarding.

Closing Points

Now that you know that personality change is possible through

behavioral change and what behavioral changes you must adopt
there’s only one thing left to do: go out and do it.

Hopefully you now understand that your life will only change if

you make changes. Perhaps the most encouraging thing you’ve
learned is that you have the ability to change and improve your life. As
you practice my suggestions they will become more and more natural
(this is how personality change works). Eventually, you’ll look back on

your progress and be amazed at how much you’ve changed. You’ll also
be shocked at what you once were.

For me, the ultimate moment in my own progress was when I

started seeing my old self in other people. When this occurs, you’ll

begin to see much of the things in this book from a new perspective.
For instance, you’ll really understand what it’s like to gain
empowerment from those who are alienated socially. Much of the
things I’ve discussed (many I’m sure you disagreed with) will come to

you full circle.

At this point you have two options. You can go on living the way

you are, or you can implement my suggestions and change your life. I

don’t doubt that you understand the benefits of personality change, I
only fear you won’t have the courage to make the behavioral changes
required for it to happen. If you don’t find the strength from my
words, hopefully something will happen to give you this strength (near
death experiences sometimes do the trick).

Just know that the sooner you begin, the sooner your life

improves. Similarly, everyday you wait is another wasted opportunity.
Don’t let your life pass you by. Make your move and don’t look back.

.. finis.