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AnyaForest

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Copyright2015AnyaForest

Themoralrightsoftheauthorhavebeenasserted

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ChapterOne

Christiestaredoutattheagateocean,gaspingastheseaspraywhippedaroundher.Theferryploughed

intothenextswellandshetookastepback,tryingtokeepherbalance.

“Youshouldholdon.”
Assheregisteredhisvoice,sherealisedhehadlightlyputhishandsonherhipstoensureshedidnot

fallover;justasquicklyheremovedthem.Christieadjustedherholdontherailingandturnedtoface
him.

Hiseyeswidenedappreciativelyasthehoodofherjacketblewback,exposingwindsweptdarkhair

framingapairofblueeyesandflushedcheeks.Tallasshewas,Christiehadtocranehernecktomeetthe
eyesofthisstrangerasshethankedhimconciselyandturnedawayagain,hopinghewouldthinkher
flushedcheekswereduetothecold.Again,shelookedouttosea,consciousofhimmovingtostandnext
toherattherailing.Herfleetingglancehadbeenenoughtosendhersensesreelingassheregisteredhis
darkeyesandthesheenofseasprayonhisface.Christiegrippedtherailingmoretightly,willinghimto
moveaway.Insteadhespoke,seeminglyunawareofhertensionandrigidstance.

“Andwhatbringsyoutotheislandonthisfinesouthernday?”Hisvoicewasgentlymockingand

despiteherselfChristiefoundherselfgivinghimquickglances,turningtohimasshetriedtoformulatea
reply.

“Justaspurofthemomentdecision.”Shesmiledneutrallyafterspeaking,hervoicecool.
“Well,you’recertainlyamineofinformation,aren’tyou?”
Christie’seyesnarrowedashegrinnedopenlyather.Words,whichusuallycameeasilytoher,

allowedhertopresentpolishedseminarsandleadmeetings,fledfromhermindandshewasatalossfor
aresponse.“Ijustwantedtoseetheisland,”shesaideventually,inwardlycringingasshereplayedher
inaneresponse.

“Yes,that’susuallywhypeoplevisitaplace.”Christieknewhewasteasinghernowandherface

flamed.Defensively,shepulledthehoodofherjacketup.Hiseyesremainedfixedonher;unabletohelp
herselfshegazedback.Theglintinhiseyesremindedher…Shesnappedhermindawayabruptly,didnot
realiseherfacehadchanged.

Shehadtravelledheretoforget,wantingtogetaway,andnow,shelookedawaybrieflybeforelooking

backupathimandinvoluntarilytakingastepback.“Itoldyoutoholdon.”Hischeekygrinbeliedthe
suggestivenessofhistoneandonlyintensifiedChristie’swhirlofemotions.

“Excuseme,”Christiemurmured.Shecouldseethequestionsinhiseyes.
“Letmeguess,youhavetomakeanimportantphonecall.”
“Yes,Ido.”Shetookouthermobileasiftoprovethetruthofherwords,preparingtowalkaway.
“Whatphonecompanyareyouwith?”Christielookedathim,surpriseonherfeatures.
“Youprobablywon’tgetreceptionyet—oratall.Youneedtowaituntilwecomeintothebay.”Not

waitinguntilsheanswered,hewentontotellherabouttheplacesontheislandwherereceptionwas
available,ornot.Christie’sfacefell.

“Blake?Blake!”Christiecouldhearawoman’svoicecallingout,andsawhimswingaround.He

turnedbacktoChristie,hisfaceseriousnow.

“Well,I’llleaveyoutomakeyourphonecall.”Heemphasisedthelasttwowords,sarcastic,makingit

clearhehadneverbelievedherexcuse,receptionornot.Shestaredspeechlesslyathim,atthedarkeyes
thatslidawayfromhertohiscompanion.Christieturnedtostareatthechurningoceanashewalked
away.Forseveralminutesshetriedtoconcentrateontheseascape,onlydimlyawareofothersonthe
ferry.Hersolitaryfigurewasacontrasttotheholidaycrowdtravellingtotheremotenationalparkand
smallsettlementontheisland.

DoubtscrowdedChristie’smindasthestormyweatherandroughseacurrentscausedtheferrytopitch

againandthechildrentoshriekwithexcitement.Sheremainedbytherailing,tryingtofocusonthevague
outlineoflandcomingcloser.

Nowsheshiveredastheferryenteredthebayandinthedistanceshesawtheoldindustrialwharfand

corrugatedironshed,thecommercialfishingboatsandwoodendinghies.Shesearchedforaglimpseof
thehotelwhereshewouldbeworking,onthehilllookingoutoverthebay.

Somuchforspurofthemomentdecisions,Christiethoughtruefully,thinkingoftheharboursidecity

shehadlivedallherlifewithitsbusycosmopolitancafesandpromenades,itsyachtsandcruiseships.
Shehadleftherfast—pacedcareerabruptly,wantingtogetawayfromthegossipandopenspeculation.
Thestiltedexchangewith—Blake—hadonlyheightenedChristie’srealisationofhowmuchshehad
dependedonbeingpartofacouple,howremovedshewasfromherfamiliarcircleestablishedthrough
yearsinoneplace,andasuccessfulcareer.

Shedidnotdarelookaroundtheferry;didnotwanttoriskrunningintoBlakeandhiscausticwit.Now

theferryhadcomeintothebaytheseawascalmerandChristiefeltmoreabletothinkahead.Shehad
seentheadontheInternet,onlyglancedatitcasuallyasshesearchedfor—shehadhardlyknown.
Something,anything,toallowhertogetaway.Hadseensomanyadvertisementsforsurelymore
appropriatepositions,workwhereshecouldatleastearnacomparablesalary.

Butshehadkeptgoingbacktothatadandallitrepresented,foundherselfpickingupthephoneto

makeanenquiry,talkingtothemanager,downplayinghercareer.Insucharemoteenvironment,the
managerhadtoldChristieapplicationswereinshortsupplyandhadjumpedatthechancetoemployher
forthesummerseasonafteronlyacursoryreferencecheck.

SomeofChristie’sfriendshadbeenshockedandotheracquaintanceshadopenlyderidedherdecision.

Atleastitgotmeawayfromallthetalk,Christiethoughtasshelookedahead,watchingtheferrycome
intotheberthnexttothewharf.ThepronouncedbumpastheferrynudgedthewharfjoltedChristieand
sheshookherself.Shewasn’texpectingtobemetbyanyonebuthadbeenassuredshecouldeasilywalk
toheraccommodationandfromtheretowork.

Christiemovedovertocollectherluggage,spottingherpackthroughtheclusterofpassengers.Itwas

heavy,crammedwithsomuchgearherflatmateshadlaughedastheywatchedhertrytoliftit.Shetugged
thepackupright,preparingtoliftitontohershoulders.Christiethreadedanarmthroughthestrap,leaning
slightlyasshebracedherselffortheweightofthepack,herotherarmsearchingfortheremainingstrap.

Suddenlytheawkwardweightonhershoulderseasedandshefeltastronghandgraspherwristand

smoothlyguideherarmthroughtheremainingstrap.Christietriedtoswingaroundonlytofindherself
heldfirmlyinoneplacebywhoeverhadholdofthepack.Sheheardaquietcurseasthepackonher
shouldersmovedtowhatsherealisedwasamorecomfortableangle.

“Whathaveyougotinhere?Rocks?Thekitchensink?”Christie’sfaceflamedassherealiseditwas

Blake;Blakewhohadheldherwrist,Blakewhohadadjustedherpack,Blakewhowasstandingsoclose
tohernow,stilltighteningthestrapsacrosshershoulders,movingfromonetotheother.

Shesawagirlstandingofftotheside,watchingthemwithalookthatwashardtodecipher.Christie

lookedaway,embarrassed,intenselyawareofBlake’scloseproximity.“Icanmanagemyself,”she
muttered.Heignoredher,givingonestrapafinaltug.“Icanmanage,”sherepeatedlamelyashestoodin
frontofher.Sherealisedhewaslookingdownattheclaspswhichneededtobefastenedacrossherchest
andhipstosecurethepack.

“MaybeI’llleavethosetoyou.”HiseyesmetChristie’sashegaveheraquickgrin.
“Yes,”shesaidrepressively.
“Youcan’tpossiblywalkanydistancewiththatpack,”hesaidreasonably.“Howmuchgeardoyou

reallyneedonholiday?Especiallyaholidayhere!”

“I’mnotonholiday!”Christieburstout.“AndI’llbefine.”
Heturnedandgesturedtowardsthevehiclesparkedaroundtheforeshore.“I’llcarryitoverandthrow

itonthebackofthetruck,”hecontinued.“Giveyoualifttowhereyou’restaying.”

Christieshookherheadandlookedovertowherethegirlwasstillwaiting.Irrationallyshesuddenly

feltlikecrying.Partofherlongedtohandovertheheavypackto

Blake.Itwouldbesoeasy,afteralmostadayofsolitarytravelling,toseizeonhisofferofassistance

andlethimtakecontrol,tojustfollowalong.

Shetookadeepbreath.“No,Idon’tneedanyhelp,thanks,”shesaidcoolly.Shearrangedapolite

smileonherfaceandlookedupathim.Shesawtheglintinhiseyeschangetoaflashofanger.“Suit
yourself,”hesaidequallycoolly.Hewatchedherwalkaway,rankledbyhertersenessandremote
manner,rememberingthecovertglancesofotherwomenontheferry.PerhapsIshouldhavetalkedto
oneoftheminstead,hethoughtwryly.

“Lookslikethatwentwell,mate,”oneofhisfriendscalledcheekily.Instantlyherespondedinkindbut

hisfacewasreflectiveashewalkeddownthewharf.

Christiepausedattheendofthewharf,determinedtopresentaconfidentfront,notwantingtoadmitto

Blakeshehadnoideawhereheraccommodationwas,knowingshewouldneedtoaskdirectionsfrom
someone.Shelookedaround,realisingmostofthepeopleshecouldseehadbeenontheferrytooand
seemedtobevisitors,hardlylikelytoknowtheirwayaroundthesettlement.

SeeingasignpointingtotheNationalParkInformationCentre,Christiewalkedinthatdirection,soon

obtainingatouristmapofthesettlementandanassurancethatheraccommodationwasonlyafew
minutes’walk.“Lookslikeaheavypack,”theguidesaidcheerfullyafterhandingChristiethemap.“Ifyou
dothosestrapsupacrossyourfrontthepackwillsitbetter.”Notyoutoo,Christiethought,recalling
Blake’stoneashecommentedonthosesamestraps,hiseyesmeetinghers,hisirrepressiblegrin.

WithoutdifficultyChristiefoundheraccommodation,ashortbutsteepwalkfurtherroundthebay.The

modestcottage—thecrib,Christieremindedherself,localswouldcallitacrib—wasbasicbutlooked
outoverthewindsweptbay.Sheknewotherworkersmightmoveinlaterinthetouristseasonbutthe
hotelmanagerhadexplainedshewouldbethesoleoccupantofthecribfornow.

WithasighofreliefChristieputherpackdown,shruggedoffherjacketandsankontothesofa,looking

aroundattheinteriorofthecrib.Ifsheturnedherheadshecouldseeacrossthebay,downtothewharf
nexttotheferryshehadjustarrivedon.Shewatchedpeopleboardthevesselforthereturnjourneyand
herminddrifted,stillunnervedbyherexchangewithBlake.Sheflushedmiserablyasshereplayedher
stiltedresponsesandawkwardness.Whatmusthethinkofme,shethoughtsilently.Whydoyoucare?a
smallvoiceinsideasked.Herblueeyes,usuallysobright,becametroubled.

Unbidden,Christiethoughtbacktoatimewhenshewouldhavelovednothingbetterthantosparwitha

gorgeousstranger,herusualquickwitandsenseofhumourthrivingonsuchexchanges.Automatically,
Christieclampeddownonhertrainofthought.Icameheretogetaway,shetoldherherself.Newpeople,
newexperiences.Awayfromthecitywithsuchpainfulmemories.

Hereyesfocusedonthebayandtheferryoncemore.Nowitwasmovingacrossthebay,headingback

tothemainland.ChristiecouldnotlookatitwithoutthinkingofBlake,oftheirexchanges.Hehadbeenso
—brazen.Sosureofhimself.Andshehadbeenreducedtosomethinglikeashyschoolgirl,stumbling
overwordsandthencaughtinanoutrightlieoveratelephonecall.

Sheshiveredassherememberedthebrieftouchofhishandsonherhips.LikeI’dbeupforthat,

Christiethought.Butifhehadn’tsteadiedme,I’dhavefallenoverforsure…Excusesfloodedhermind.
Rousingherselfsheexploredthecrib,draggingherpackintoabedroomandstartingtounpack,wantingto
getout,explorethesettlement.

Impatienttofindthehotelthatsheknewwasahistoricbuilding,atleasthavealookaroundbeforeshe

officiallystartedworkinafewdays,Christiewalkedbackdowntothesettlement.Murray,themanager,
hadmadeitclearChristieshouldcallinanytime,makeherselfknown,emphasisedtohertheinformality
oftheisland.

ShefoundthehotelandalthoughMurraywasnotthere,shemetseveralworkmateswhoshowedher

aroundtheroomsreachedbyahugecurvedwoodenstaircase,theguestloungewithamagnificentsea
view,thebar,caféandrestaurant.Unabletostopherself,

Christiewalkedtothefrontoftherestaurant,totheimposingpicturewindowlookingdownoutover

thebay.Theseaglowedinthelateafternoonsunandshesawthesimplepromenadestretchingaroundthe
entireharbour.Entranced,Christiepausedtoappreciatetheview,andasifrealising,herworkmatesdid
notinterrupt.

“Amazingisn’tit,”agirlwhohadintroducedherselfasLisasaidwhenChristieturnedbacktothem.
“Yes,”Christiesaidsimply.“ButI’llbeworkinginreception,won’tI?”
“That’swhatMurraymentioned,”Lisasaid.“Butweallhelpoutindifferentareas;it’sasmallhotel

comparedtoothersontheislandbuttherestaurantandbarcangetreallybusy.”

LaterthatdayChristiereturnedtothecrib,puttingawaythefoodshehadpurchasedintheoldbut

pristinekitchenbeforestartingtolookatasheafofpamphletsshehadcollectedfromtheinformation
centre.Asshelookedthroughinformationonthetours,thesightsandthewildlife,anoldenthusiasm
stirredinChristie.Theoriginalunspokenemotionthathadpromptedhertoenquireaboutworkonthe
islandreasserteditselfandinstinctivelyChristieknewshecouldenjoyhertimehere.

Beforeshecouldchangehermind,realisingitwasalreadyearlyevening,sheshruggedintoherred

jacketandleftthecrib,intentonwalkingdowntothesettlement.Shedidnotwanttositinthehotel
restaurant—orthebar—byherselfbutwassoonscanningamenuondisplayoutside,intendingtoreturnto
thecribwithatakeawaymeal.Shepushedopenthedoubledoorsofthebar,wasmetwithawaveof
warmthandthenoiseofseveralcompetingconversations.BeingaFridaynight,thebarwasbusyand
Christiewaitedtoorder,notinahurryandcontenttolookaroundatthewalldisplays,localphotosand
memorabilia.

“ChristieMitchell?Christie!”Althoughthemalevoicewasnotfamiliarshespunaround,thinkinghe

couldbeoneoftheworkmatesshehadmetbrieflytoday.Shegavethestrangerinfrontofherapolite
smile,sureshedidnotknowhim.“MurrayCochrane,”hesaid,puttingouthishandtoshakehers,giving
herafriendlygrin.“SorryImissedyouthisafternoon.Lisasaidyoucalledin.”Hegesturedtoagroup
drinkingaroundatable;ChristiesawLisagiveherawaveofacknowledgment.“Comeoverontheferry
todaydidyou?Iheardthesailingswereabitlumpy.”Murraygaveherasympatheticlook.“Rough,”he
clarified,seeingthelookonChristie’sface.

“Yes,”Christiesaid,herexpressionsmoothingoutasheexplainedwhathemeant.
“Badluck,”saidMurraywithasmile.“Anyway,weshouldhaveadrink,now—notwiththatcrowd—

doyouhavetime?”MurraykepttalkingashesteeredChristieovertoasmallcirculartable,pausingas
thepreviousoccupantsmovedaway,leavingitfree.ChristierealisedMurraywascompletelydirectand
genuine,puttingheratease,chattingaboutthehotelandherrole.Someonecameovertotaketheirdrinks
orderalmostimmediatelyandthenbroughttheirdrinksovertothem.“Theultimateperk,”Murraysaid,
grinningather.“TableserviceonaFridaynight.”

ChristiefoundherselfrelaxinginMurray’scompany;conscioushewasheremployerbutstillcaught

upinananimateddiscussionaboutthehotelandisland.WhenChristiestooduptogoshewaslaughing,
hereyessparklingatthepunchlinetoMurray’sstoryaboutamishapinthehotelkitchen.Stillsmiling,
Christiemovedovertothebar,suddenlyconsciousofhowhungryshewas,waitingtoorderhermeal.

“Makingfriends,Isee,”Blake’swordsweredeceptivelylightbutChristieheardthesteelinhistone,

andhopedshewasnotblushingassheregisteredhisnearness.Christieherselfwastall,butrealisedwith
ashockthatBlaketoweredoverher.Nowhewaslookingdownather,hispiercingeyesunreadable,
holdinghers.Christiewrenchedhergazeawayassherealisedshewasbeingaskedtoorder.

“Coward,”sheheardBlakewhispersoftly,mockingher.Christietriedtofocusonorderinghermeal,

reachingforherwallet,butstillacutelyawareofhim.“We’llhavetwobluecodmeals.”Blake’s

authoritativevoicebrookednoargument;shocked,Christierealisedthebarmaidwascancellingherorder
andreplacingitwithBlake’s.Shepivotedtoglareathim.“No.”Shespokebluntly.Christieturnedback
tothebarmaid,coveringherconfusion,wantingtoreinstateherownsingletakeawaymeal.

“Youdon’twantthebluecod?”Blakedeliberatelymisunderstoodher.“Youshouldtryit,it’salocal

speciality.”Christie’susualpoiseandsocialconfidencefled.Shelookedatthebarmaid,whomether
lookexpressively.

“Fine,”Blakesaidcalmly,changingtheordertoincludeChristie’soriginalmeal.“Ifyou’reluckyyou

cantrysomeofmine.”Desperatetoregainsomemeasureofcontroloverthesituation,Christieopened
herwallet;atagesturefromBlake,thebarmaidhastilywavedawayherattempttopay.Christieturned
immediatelytoBlake,openinghermouthtoprotest.Shebithertongueasshesawtheunfathomablelook
onhisface,hisfaintlyquestioninggaze.“Thankyou,”shemutteredungraciously.Heinclinedhishead
slightlyasthebarmaidwatchedthemboth,fascinated.

“Whydon’tyoufindusatableandI’llgetthedrinks.”ChristietensedatBlake’ssuggestion,reality

swampingher.Hereshewasinanewplace,knowingnoone,havingdinnerwithacompletestranger.
Yearsofcautiondevelopedinacityenvironmentmadeherwarynow.“I’llgetthedrinks,”shesaid,too
quickly,ashamedeven,assheheardthewaythewordscameoutofhermouth,clearlyimplyingthatshe
didnottrusthim.

ChristiesawhurtandincredulitywashoverBlake’sface;sherealisedhewascontrollinghimselfwith

difficulty,hisjawclenched.Heturnedtothebarmaid.“PutthedrinksforLittleRedRidingHoodhereon
mytab.”HegaveChristieawrysmile.“Whenyou’reready,theBigBadWolfwillbesittingoverthere.”
Hegesturedtowardsacornertable.

Utterlyhumiliated,Christiewatchedhimwalkaway,beforeturningbacktoorderdrinks.Thebarmaid

gotherwinesilently,hadalreadyplacedabeeronthebar;ChristierealisedBlakemustbearegularand
hisfavouritebrandknown.Christiepickedupthedrinks,thankedthebarmaidquietly.“Youknow,we
don’treallygetthatsortofthinghere.”Christielookedatthebarmaidblankly.“Guysspikingdrinks,”the
barmaidcontinued,grinningatChristie.“Justgoodoldfashioneddrunkenpasses.”Christiesmiledatthe
barmaid,unsureofhowtorespond.“AndIhavetosay,there’dbeafewofusontheislandkeenfora
passfromthatone.”ThebarmaidlookedovertowhereBlakewassittingasshespoke.

Unbidden,Christiethoughtofthegirlontheboat.RememberingwhatMurrayhadsaidearlierabout

thespeedatwhichgossiptravelledaroundtheisland,Christiesaidnothingasthebarmaidmovedoffto
serveanothercustomer.Christiepaused,holdingthedrinks,overwhelmedattheturnofevents,asenseof
unrealitycomingoverher,disjointedthoughtstumblingthroughhermind.Idon’tevenknowhim…It’s
onlybeensixweekssincePaul…Ihaven’tbeenonadatesince…OnanotherlevelChristiewas
consciousofhercasualattire,herjeansandwoollentop,thepracticalityofherjacketnotdisguisedbythe
flamboyantcolour.

Atthesametimeatraitorouswhisperoflongingsnakedthroughher,fightingtobeheard.Shethought

backtothebarmaid’swords,moreconfusedthanever.ChristieglancedovertowhereBlakewassitting;
hehadpulledthechairawayfromthetabletofacethebar,hislithe,powerfulbodyleaningback,hislong
legsstretchedoutinfrontofhim.Hehadcasuallyfoldedhisarmsashewaited;shesawhisgazewas
fixedonher,hisfaceinscrutable.

ChristielookedoverquicklytowhereLisahadbeensitting;perhapsshecouldsuggesttoBlakethat

theyjoinagroup.Asifreadinghermind,Lisacaughthereye,gaveheraconspiratorialgrinanda
discreetthumbs-upsign.ChristierealisedLisawasencouragingher,assumingthismealwithBlakewasa
romanticdate,thatChristiewouldbelookingforwardtoit.

Bitingherlip,tryingtokeepherfaceneutral,ChristiewalkedovertowardsBlake,awarehewas

watchingher.Sheheardadrunkenwolfwhistlefromanothertable;sawBlake’sheadwhiparound,his
eyesnarrowingashesingledoutthewhistler.AsChristieapproached,hestraightenedinhischair,

realigningitwiththetableandthenstandingbrieflytopulloutChristie’schairassheplacedthedrinkson
thetable.Christiesatdown,smilingfaintly,reflexivelypickedupherwinetosipatit.

“Christie.”HereyeswidenedassherealisedBlakealreadyknewhername.“Therearenosecretson

theisland,”hesaid,grinningather,seeinghersurprise.“SoyouwerehavingadrinkwithMurray?”
Blakesaidinacarefullyneutraltone,onlyhistensegriponhisdrinkbetrayinghisemotion.

“Yes,”Christiesaiddefensively.“I’mgoingtobeworkingatthehotel,”shecontinued,asBlake’sface

cleared.“Where’s…”hervoicetrailedoff,wonderingaboutthegirlthathadbeenwithBlakeonthe
ferry.Heraisedhiseyebrows,waitingforhertofinish.“Where’syourgirlfriend?”Christieburstout.
Blakelookedather,clearlytakenaback.Christierealisedhewasgenuinelyataloss,triedtomake
amends.“Yourfriendontheboat…Ithoughtfromwhatthebarmaidsaid—”

“Thebarmaid?”Hestartedlaughing.“Itravelledoverontheferrywithsomeonefrommyfriend’s

work.Don’ttellmetheislandrumourmillhasalreadygoneintooverdrive!”Hegrinnedather.“Well,I
guessthat’sitthen.”Hewasdeadpannow,givingheramockseriouslook.“You’vehadadrinkwith
Murray,I’vetravelledontheferrywithShannon,soundslikewe’revirtuallyengagedtootherpeople.”

Christieflinched,avertedhereyes.Blake’seyesnarrowedperceptivelyashenoticedChristie’s

suddenlossofcomposure.“Whatisit?’hesaidtersely.Christietookadeepbreath,asipofwine.
“Nothing,”shesaidquietly,hopinghewouldnotaskagain.Hewastakenabackatthechangeinher
demeanourasheleanedforwardslightly,determinedtogetananswer,watchingherintently.Blake
thoughtbackoverwhathehadsaid,siftingthroughhiscomments,tryingtopinpointtheproblem.He
realisedChristiewasnowsittingupstraighter,nolongeralmostshrinkingbackinherchair.

Blakestartedtoaskagain,insistently,whenChristiespoke,clearlymakinganeffort.“Murraywarned

meabouttherumourmill,”Christiesaid,smilingathimuncertainly.“Iguessthingscangetexaggerated.
WheredoesShannonwork?Areyouvisitingyourfriend?”Hisfacesetattheobviouschangeofsubject.
Herealisedsheclearlydidnotwanttotellhimthereasonforhersuddenreaction,andwasannoyedat
herreserveevenashetoldhimselftheybarelykneweachother.

Blakepauseddeliberatelybeforeansweringherquestion,lettingherknowhesawthroughherploy.

PainwashedthroughChristieassherealisedshehadoffendedhim,demonstratedherlackoftrustyet
again.Herbreathcaughtasshewatchedhim,intenselyawareofhispiercingeyesanddarkgoodlooks,
thecoiledstrengthevidentashesatoppositeher,listeningtohimtalkabouthisfriendTony’stourism
businessontheisland.

Christiestartedtoaskanotherquestion,realisingBlakehadnotactuallytalkedabouthisownwork,

buthecutherofflightly.“Enoughaboutme.”Shelookedupasthebarmaidapproachedwiththeirmeals,
lookedatBlakeasheaskedthebarmaidtobringthemanotherroundofdrinks,tensingasheordereda
specificwineforherwithoutaskingwhatshewouldprefer.

“Iprefertochoosemyownwine,”shesaidfirmlywhenthebarmaidhadleft.
“Tableserviceshouldbesafeenough,”BlakesaidtoChristie;sheflushed,knowinghewasteasing

her,deliberatelymisunderstandingheragain.

“I—”shebegan.
“Murray’snottheonlyonewhocangettableservicearoundhere,”hesaid,makingChristierealise

BlakemusthavebeeninthebarwhenshefirstsatdownwithMurray.SherealisedBlake’scheeky
irreverentattitudemaskedasharpandhighlyperceptivemind,hadnoticedhisabrupt—butadroit—way
ofendingherquestionsabouthim.Shestartedhermeal,lookingupquicklyasBlakeplacedapieceof
fishonherplate.Hegrinnedatherasshelookedathim.

“Tryit,”heurged.Christiewasrewardedwithaburstofflavour,realiseditwasfreshfish,really

fresh,notlikethefishincityrestaurantsPaulhadtakenherto.PushingthoughtsofPaultooneside,
ChristierealisedBlakewaswatchinghereat,obviouslypleasedtoseeherenjoyingthefish.Sheglaredat
himashepolitelyaskedhowherwinewas,ungraciouslyacknowledgedhowmuchshewasenjoyingit,

unabletoresistaddingitwasnotwhatshewouldhavechosenherself.

“Soyou’llbeworkingatthehotelthen,”Blakesaidcasually,ignoringherbarb.Christietookadeep

breath,nodding,answeringhisfurtherquestions.“Andso,apartfromwantingtoseetheisland,”Blake
wassayingwithasmile,remindingherofherstatementfromtheferry,“whycomehere,fromAuckland?”
Christiegavehimwhatshehopedwasaconvincingexplanation,simplytellinghimshewastiredoflife
inabigcity,theratraceandlonghoursworkingbehindadeskondesignprojects,theconstantpressure
ofdemandingclients.Hisjoking,hisarrogantsinglemindedness,wasgone;Christierealisedwithastart
Blakeseemedgenuinelyinterestedinherresponses,wasnotsimplybeingpolite.

ChristieshookherheadwhenBlakesuggesteddessertafterthemeal.“Coffeethen?”
Suddenlynervous,Christieglancedathimquickly.“No,thankyou,no,Ishouldbegoing.”Shestood

upabruptly.Hiseyesflashed;hestoodupalso.Againshewasawareofhisimposingheight;she
swallowedconvulsively.

Hisvoicewasabsolutelywithoutinflection.“I’llwalkyoubacktowhereyou’restaying.”
“No,I…”shelookedoutatthedarknessofthepromenadewiththeinkyblacknessoftheseabeyond.
“Youshouldbeperfectlysafewalkingontheisland.Notlikethecity,”hesaid,realisingherdilemma.
Blushingassherealisedhehadsoeasilyguessedherthoughts,Christietookadeepbreath.“Thank

you,”shesaid.“But,asyousaid,I’llbefine.”

Shestartedthreadingherwaythroughthestillcrowdedbartowardsthedoor,consciousofhim

walkingimmediatelybehindher.Blakereachedouttopushthedooropenforherjustasshegottoit,
shepherdingChristieintothelobby.“Idon’tneedanescorthome,”Christierepeatedstubbornly,looking
upathiminthemutedlightofthereceptionarea.

“Ofcourseyoudon’t,”Blakesaid,asmiletuggingthecornersofhismouth.“Godforbidyoushould

everneedanyhelpfromme.”

Unbidden,Paul’sfaceappearedinChristie’smindandthepainofhisbetrayalblottedouther

awarenessofBlake.Hertroubledemotionswereevidentinherfaceanddimly,asiffromagreat
distance,sheheardBlake’svoiceaskingwhatwaswrong.Shakingherhead,

Christiesteppedback,turningawayhastilyandwalkingquicklytothemaindoor,focusingonlyon

gettingbacktothecrib.

Blakemovedafterher,realisingshehadalreadystruckoutalongthepromenade.Powerlesstostop

her,powerlesstogoafterherinthefaceofheropposition,heneverthelessstoodwatchingheruntilshe
disappearedaroundthecliffroadseveralminuteslater;hisfacecontemplativeasheturnedtowalkback
intothebar.

ChapterTwo

Christiestumbledintothecrib,wrenchingoffherredjacketandthrowingitdown,uncaring,onthe

nearestchair.Shesankdownontothesofa,noticingthepamphletsshehadbeenlookingatearlier.The
previousoptimismshehadfeltearliermockedherlikealivingthing.HowdidIeverthinkIcoulddo
this?Christiethoughttoherself.Tearsseepedoverhereyelids.Sheallowedherselftothinkbackto
Paul’smatter-of-facttoneashetoldheritwasover,theirengagementoff,heartlesslyspellingoutforher
thathedidn’tloveheranymore,andforgoodmeasure,lettingherknowhewashopingtomakeagoofit
withAmanda.Amanda,Christie’sbestfriend,herclosestally.

Christie’smemoryreplayedAmanda’shelplesstears,herendless,meaninglessapologiesandtrite

justifications.Weary,numbedwithshock,toohurtevenforanger,Christiehadjustwalkedoutofthe
room.Ifanything,Amanda’sbetrayaloftheirfriendshiphadhurtjustasmuchasPaul’sbehaviour;the
combinedeffecthadbeenalmostunendurable.

Inadaze,ChristiehadmovedoutoftherentalapartmentshehadsharedwithPaul,foundaflat,

cancelledtheweddingplansshehadstartedtomake.InthecloseprofessionalcirclessheandPaul—and
Amanda—hadmovedin,thesituationbecamethelatestgossipyscandal,Amanda’sinvolvementsendinga
doubleshockwavethroughChristie’sfriendsandacquaintancesasthenewcouplewastednotimein
beingseenaroundtown.Christie’sonlythoughthadbeentogetaway,ignoringthewell-meaningadvice
ofherparentsandfriendsastheycautionedheragainstmakinghastydecisions.

Andnowhereshewas,anewplace,anewjoband—Blake.Onarollercoasterofemotion,agonising,

Christiethoughtbackovertheday,thecasualmealsharedwithBlakeintherowdyatmosphereofthepub.
Halflaughing,halfcrying,ChristiecouldnothelpcontrastingtheeveningwithBlake,hereontheisland,
withamealwithPaulinAuckland,focusingnotonherpreferencebutbeingseenatthe“right”restaurant,
themostfashionablebar.

Thatfishwasbeautiful,shethought.Blakewasright.Herfaceflamedasshestaredunseeingoutover

theperfectblacknessofthebay,asthoughtsofBlakepushedPaulfromhermind.Hisbrazen,almost
arrogantbehaviourhadannoyedherevenasshewasuncomfortablyawareofhisimposingpresence,his
teasingeyesdisplayingunfeignedinterestashehadaskedherquestionsaboutherself,hercareer.And
whenwasthelasttimePaulspoketomelikethat?asmallvoiceinsideheraskedsilently.Overcomeby
weariness,heartsickatrecallingPaul’sdeception,Christiestoodup,intentonsleep.Herdullgazefellon
herdiscardedredjacketasshewalkedsleepilyintoherbedroomandeventuallyfellintoatroubled
sleep.

ThenextmorningChristiesleptlate.Shehadarrivedontheislandafewdaysearlierthanherstart

date,wantingtosettleinandhavealookaroundbeforestartingwork.Christierealisedtherewere
severaltrampsshecoulddoontheisland,extendingthroughtheNationalParkaswellasdaytramps
aroundthesettlementitself.Shewasdrawntothevastwallmapoftheislandintheinformationcentre,
focusingonthecoastwherealongbeachwasdepicted.

“MasonBay.”Therangerwalkedupbehindher.“There’sahutthere,youcanseekiwis.”Christie

thoughtbacktotheexhibitofNewZealand’srarenationalbirdshehadseenasachildatAucklandZoo.
Shementionedthistotherangerandhelaughed.“No,kiwisintheirnaturalhabitat.Inthewild.”
Embarrassedbutfascinated,Christiepressedhimforfurtherdetails,alreadywonderingwhetherherwork
schedulewouldallowherablockofdaysoffsoshecouldgoonanextendedtramp.

—#—

OnSunday,ChristiesetouttowalktotheAckersPointLighthouse,thepeacefulcoastalwalkbeing

anotheronerecommendedbythehelpfulranger.Asshewalkedpastthehotelonherreturn,Lisacalled
out,suggestingadrinkwhenhershiftfinishedintenminutes,gentlyteasingChristieaboutherdinnerwith
BlakeonFridaynight.Smiling,Christienodded,tookaseatatoneoftheoutdoorpicnictables,relaxing
inthesunshineandwaitingforLisa.

Halfanhourlater,ChristiewasdeepinconversationwithLisa,enjoyingaglassofwineandthe

platterofsnackstheyhadordered.ChristiehadpolitelyparriedLisa’sgood-naturedcommentsabout
Fridaynight;smilingneutrallyasLisaobservedChristiewastheenvyoftheisland’sfemalepopulation.
ChristiewasstarklyawareshehadnoonetoconfideinaboutBlake,abouttheturmoilhecreatedinher,
butwascautiousabouttellingLisatoomuch.Instead,Christiesteeredtheconversationtothenational
parkandtotheinformationshehadaboutMasonBay.

ToolateshesawLisa’sfacechangetoalookofmischiefasshestoodup,drainingthelastofherglass

ofwine.“Hello,Lisa,Christie.”Blake’sdeepvoicewasunmistakableandChristierealisedwithaslight
panicthatLisawaspreparingtoleave.

“Hi,Blake,”Lisareplied.“I’vegottobeoff,butChristieistryingtogetinformationonMasonBay.

“Doesn’tTonyorganisetoursthere?”SheturnedtoChristie.“TonyisBlake’sfriend,hehasoneofthe
tourbusinesseshere.”Christienoddedpolitely,rememberingBlakementioningTonyonFridaynight.
Lisa’stonewascompletelynaturalbutChristieblushedattheobviousploy,realisingshecouldnotnow
leavewithLisa.

BlakegaveChristieanassessinglookasLisawalkedaway.“YouwanttogotoMasonBay?”His

voicewasfriendly.

“Yes,”Christiesaidnervously.“ButI’vealreadyspokentotherangerand—”
“Youdon’tneedmyhelp,”finishedBlake,givingheraslightsmile.Christiecouldnotmeethiseyes;

thesilencebetweenthemdrifted.Blakeexhaledheavily.“WellIdon’thavetimetostopanyway.I’m
meetingmymatestowatchtherugbyatthepub.Havefunplanningyourtramp.”Hewalkedawaywithout
anotherword,leavinghersittingatthepicnictable.

Christiehadneverfeltmorealoneinherlife.Shewasbitterlyawarethatshehadeasilyaskedthe

rangerquestions,thoughtnothingaboutseekinginformationfromatotalstranger.Yetshehadfrozenwhen
Blake,ideallyplacedtoalsoassistherwithherplans,stoodinfronther,totheextenthehadsimply
walkedoff,nodoubtexasperatedbyhercontrariness.TheexchangeplayedonChristie’smindoverthe
nextfewweeksasshesettledintowork,thrivingintheinformalfriendlyenvironment,easilypickingup
thehotelsystems,hernaturalintelligenceandpeopleskillsbringinghermoreresponsibilityandpraise
fromMurray.

“Takeafewdaysofflaterthisweek,”hesaidonedaywhilethankingherforthelonghoursshehad

worked.“Youdeservetorelax,you’veseemedtiredlately.”Christienodded,realisingshecouldgoto
MasonBay,thinkingalsoofthewayworkinglonghourshaddistractedherfromthoughtsofPauland
Amanda.

Immediatelyafterhershiftfinished,Christiegrabbedherbag,intentonmakingconfirmedplanstogo

toMasonBay.Herfacetense,shewalkeddowntotheshore,wheresheknewTony’sofficewas,not
acknowledgingshewasalsohopingBlakewouldbethere.Asshewalkedinsherealisedtherewere
severalpeoplethere;almostlosthernerveasshesawBlaketalkingtoothers.Shannon,thegirlChristie
hadseenontheferry,sawherfirst,cameover.“You’reheretoseeBlake.”Shannonassumed,turningto
callouttoBlakebeforeChristiecouldsayanything.Christiesawtheshockonhisfacebeforehequickly
assumedamaskofpoliteindifference,movingovertowardsher.Sheflinchedashecamecloserandshe
readtheslightcontemptinhiseyes.

“Christie.”Blakesaidnothingmore,simplystoodwaiting,keepingapolitedistance.Christieachedas

sherecalledhisclosenessontheferry,atthepub.

“IwanttogotoMasonBayattheendofthisweek.Whatoptionsareavailable?”Sherealisedher

voicesoundedformal,stiff.

Blakeshruggedcasually.“Itsoundedlikeyoualreadyhadeverythingsortedoutafewweeksago,”he

saidcuttingly.

SomewelcomesteelcameintoChristie’sspine.“I’lljustgettheinformationfromthepamphletsthen,”

shesaidacidly.“Thankyouforyourhelp.”

Gracefully,shemovedovertothedisplay,scanningthepamphlets,burningwithangerandhumiliation

atBlake’scooldismissal.Guiltily,sherememberedherearlierrudeness,realisedthatshehadpushed
Blaketoofar,andthathewasstrongenoughtopushback.

TheonlypamphletsChristiecouldseewereadvertisingguidedtours;shefrowned,wantingtotravel

independently,somethingtherangertoldherwaspossible.PerhapsIshouldtalktoMurray,shethought.
Hewouldknow.ShewasuncomfortablyawareBlakewasstillwatchingher,hadnotmovedevenafter
shehadwalkedaway.

Blakestood,asiffixedtothespot,noticingChristie’sfigure—definitelynoticingherfigure,hethought

wryly—thenarrowwaist,theimpossiblylonglegs,theslightlyunrulydarkhairspillingdownherback.
Butalsonoticingtheslightlyhunchedshoulders,thetensestance.Hesworetohimselfandwalkedoverto
her.“Christie.”Againhesaidhername;shelookedaround,herfaceuncertain.Hecouldseeanger
mingledwithhurtinhereyes.“I’mjustracingtocatchtheferry,”hesaidquietly.“ButI’llcallintothe
hotelinthenextcoupleofdaystomakesuretherangerhasansweredallyourquestions.”Withoutanother
wordhewalkedoutoftheoffice;Christiewatchedhimwalktowardstheferryterminal,disappearinside.

—#—

ChristiedidnothaveachancetotalktoMurrayuntillatethefollowingday;hecameintoreception

justasshewasabouttofinishhershift.“Tellyouwhat,Christie,Ianisprobablyinthebaraswespeak,
comethroughnowandI’llintroduceyou.”Heledherthroughtothebar,introducinghertoanolder,
weather-beatenmansittingwithothersbythepooltable.“Ian,ChristiewantstogotoMasonBayatthe
endoftheweek.Whatarethetideslike?”

SatisfiedIanwouldbeabletotakeChristie,Murrayleftthemtalkingtoconfirmthedetails.Gruffly,

Ianemphasisedthatbecausetheestuarywastidal,Christieneededtostrictlyobservethetimeshehad
givenher,otherwiseshewouldbestrandeduntilthenexthightide.Christietookoutherwallet;Ianeyed
itsuspiciously.“We’llsortitoutlater,”hesaidbriefly.

Gladtohavethelastdetailforthetripsortedout,ChristiethankedIanbeforesittingdownwithadrink

towaitforLisa.Shewasexhaustedeventhoughshewaslookingforwardtocatchingupwithherfriend,
whohadmentionedaskingafewotherhotelstafftojointhem.

Smotheringayawn,Christiesankbackintoherchair,sippingherdrinkandcheckinghertextmessages

whileshewaited.It’snowonderI’msotired,shethought.Eachnightshefellasleepinstantly,eachnight
shewokebeforedawnafterasleepoftentroubledbynightmaresthathadherstirringrestlessly,echoesof
Paul’svoicefadingasshewoke,callingout.Lisahadtoldhersomeofthecasualstaffshared
accommodationandChristiewasrelievedtherewasnoonesharingthecribtohearhernightmares.At
leastthey’renothappeningasoftennow,shethoughttoherself.

Assheflickedthroughthetextmessages,Christieacknowledgedthat,likehernightmares,herthoughts

ofPaulwerefadingasthefriendlinessoftheislandcommunityandtheremotebeautyoftheisland
allowedheremotionstorecuperate.AndBlake.Shehadspentthedaylookingupaseachpersonwalked
intothereceptionarea,eachtimehopingitwouldbeBlake,replayingthesceneintheoffice,analysing
whathehadsaidandthewayhehadsaidit.Shehadtakenextracarewithhermakeupthatmorning,not
acknowledgingtherealreason,tellingherselfitwasforthegroupdrinksthisevening.

Blakehadnotsaidwhenhewouldreturntotheislandandheranticipationhadheightenedeachtimean

influxofcheck-instoldheraferryhaddocked.Sheclosedhermobile,lookingaroundforLisa.“Looking
forsomeone,Christie?”Blakesaid,lookingdownather.Heraisedhiseyebrowsslightly,puttinghishand
onthechairoppositeher,checkingitwasfree.Christiesmiledtentativelyashesatdown.

“Lisa,”shemanagedtosay.“There’sagroupofusmeetingfordrinks.”Toseehimsittingoppositeher,

hisdarkeyessparkling,fixedonher,madeChristiecatchherbreathwithsuddenlonging.Blakestudied
her,hiseyesnarrowingatherwords,wonderingwhowouldbeinthegroupashenoticedherflawless
makeup,thewayitemphasisedherstrikingblueeyes.Christieblushedasshemethisgaze,strugglingfor
composure,tornbetweenprotectingherdamagedemotionsoractingonherfeelings.

“Sohaveyoumadeallyourplans?”Blakeasked,clearlymakinganefforttobeconciliatory.“Ready

toseethekiwis?”

Christietookadeepbreath.“Ithoughtwhentherangermentionedkiwishemeantsomethinglikethe

exhibitatAucklandZoo.”

Blake’sgazesoftened;hechuckled.“Thebay’sanamazingplace,”hesaid,smilingather,recognising

herpeaceoffering.“Nocellphonereceptionthough.Soyou’llhavetokeepthatinmindifanyonestartsa
conversation.”

Hewasbacktohisusualgentleteasing;Christiesmiledbackathim,determinednottoletPaul’s

shadowintrudeonanopportunitytobewithBlake.“Yes,youcantellI’mfromthecity,can’tyou,”she
said,holdinguphermobile.“Can’tleavehomewithoutit.”

“Wellatleastthere’llbeonelessthinginyourpack.”Hiseyeswerewarmashelookedather,paying

carefulattentionasshementionedmoredetailsofherplannedtrip.“Thatmustbemysignaltoleave,”
Blakesaid,grinningasChristie’smobilerangwithanincomingcall.

Laughing,hereyessparkling,Christiepickedupthephonetoturnitoff,notwantingtoansweritnow.

HersmilefadedinstantlyassherealisedthenumberwasAmanda’s,herfacebleakassheturnedthe
phoneoff.SheknewshehadnothingtosaytoAmandanow,wouldnothaveansweredthecallanyway.
Blakewatchedherreactionintently,hiseyesnarrowed.“Whowasthat?”heaskedtersely.Christiebither
lipnervously;heleanedforward,pickinguponherreluctancetotalktohim,astarkcontrasttothejoking
opennessofonlyafewmomentsago.ShemetBlake’seyes,agonised,tornbetweenconfidinginhimand
herfearofagainbecomingthefocusofgossipandspeculation.

Frustratedatherpatentunwillingnesstotrusthim,Blakestoodupabruptly,clearlycontrollinghis

wordswithdifficulty.“It’sasimplequestion,Christie.Ifthatcallhasupsetyousomuch,whynottellme
whoitwas?”Hestrodeacrossthebartothepooltablewithoutanotherword.Dully,Christiewatched
himgo,overcomewithsuddenweariness.

—#—

ChristieleftthebarearlyaftermeetingLisaandherfriendsonlybriefly,pleadingtiredness,wantingto

returntothecribandsimplyrelax.Stiflingayawn,shewalkedoutthemaindoorontothepatio,realising
withashockBlakewasjustoutsidethehotel,lookingathismobilephone.Helookedoverathersilently,
hisdarkeyesglitteringinthelowlight.Christiecaughtherbreath,herblueeyeswide,troubled,reflecting
herinnerturmoil.

“Offhomealready?”Hisvoicewasneutral,polite.Christielisteneddesperatelyforanyhintofthe

usualteasingtone,thecheekysuggestiveness.Shesmiledhesitantly,searchinghisfaceforanyhintof
expression.“I’mfeelingtired,thoughtI’dhaveanearlynight.”Blake’sfacerelaxedslightly.“Youlooked
tiredearlier,”hesaidabruptly.“Youmustbeworkingtoohard.”

Relieved,Christiesawaslightsmileappearonhisface.Shethoughtofthenightmares;herface

cloudedbriefly.“No,Blake,I—”Shestoppedashetookastepclosertoher.“Ihaven’tbeensleeping
thatwellrecently,”shesaidquietly.Hiseyesnarrowedashewatchedher.“Butit’snothing,really,”

Christiesaidhastily,shockedatwhatshehadrevealed,herfacetingedpink.

“JustwhenIwasgoingtooffertohelp,”Blakesaidmischievously.Helookeddownather,thebrazen

doublemeaningofhiswordsbalancedbytheconcerninhiseyes.

AninvoluntarysmiletouchedChristie’smouthassheregisteredhisoutrageoussenseofhumour,

acknowledgingherownsenseoflonging.SherealisedBlakewasmovingcloser,hishandsrestingslightly
onherhips,beforeencirclingher,pullinghertowardshim,watchingherintently.Christieslidherhands
aroundhisback,clingingtohim,unabletoreleasehergazefromhisface,consciousofhisstrength.Blake
movedhishandsslightly,holdinghertightlyashebentdowntokissher.

Christierelaxedagainsthim,respondingtohistouch,insensibletoreality.Gradually,shebecame

awareBlakehadraisedhishead,hisgazefixedonher,hishandslightlymovingoverherback.Christie’s
sensesswambacktorealityasshetriedtoregainhercomposure,onlytorelaxagainassherealisedshe
wasstillheldinBlake’sarms.“Andisyourlackofsleepanythingtodowithtonight’stelephonecall?”

ChristietensedassheheardBlake’svoice,rememberedAmanda’stelephonecallandallit

represented.Blake’svoicebecamePaul’svoice,tellingherhedidn’tloveher,wantedtobewithAmanda
instead.Blake’sembracehadallowedChristietoforgetPaulasifhehadneverexisted;Blake’swords
nowallowedthememorytorushback.SensingChristie’ssuddencoldness,Blakeinstantlyrelaxedhis
arms.“Christie—”Shesteppedaway,Paul’sfacemomentarilyblindingher,tearsglitteringinhereyes.

“Goodnight,”shesaidwoodenly,notlookingathim.
“Comeon,Christie,you’reexhausted.JumpinthetruckandI’lltakeyouhome,”Blakesaid,alljoking

gonefromhistone.Christieshookherhead,stillshakenbyBlake’sembrace,herresponse,embarrassed
byheradmissionofweakness.“Christie.”Blake’svoicewastaut,dangerouslylow.“Youaretired.You
aresuddenlyupsetandIdon’tknowwhy.Youarenotwalkinghome.I’lldriveyou.Noarguments.”

Sheglancedathimquickly,hisuncompromisingwordsstrangelyreassuring,easingthedoubts

sweepingthroughhermind.Shesmotheredaninvoluntaryyawn,noddedslightly.Asuddensmiletugged
atBlake’smouth.“I’mgladtheofferofalifthomewithmefillsyouwithsuchexcitement.”Christie’s
heartachedassheheardBlake’scomment,thoughtsofhistouchfillinghermind.Shelongedtoreply,
silentlyrepeatingtheresponsesshewantedtomake.

Instead,shewalkedquietlytothecarparkwithBlake,satnexttohimsilently,watchinghishandson

thesteeringwheel,hisshadowedprofile.He,too,wasquietassheautomaticallygavehimdirections;he
pulledupoutsidethecribonlyacoupleofminuteslater.Blaketurnedofftheengine;thenightairwas
quiet,theonlysoundthemuffledbreakingofwavesalongtheshorebelow.

“Thankyou,”Christiesaidinthequietofthecab.Blakenodded,watchingher.Christieheldher

breath,awareofthestillnessbetweenthemasBlakegazedather,makingnomovetotouchher.Asif
pinnedtotheseat,Christiedidnotattempttoopenthedoor,rememberingBlake’skiss,hisarmsholding
her.

“Whatdoyouwant,Christie?”SheflushedassheregisteredBlake’swords,openedthecardoor

abruptly,walkedquicklytowardsthecribwithoutlookingback.Automatically,Christiefumbledforthe
doorkeyashertearsspilledover,onlydimlyawareofBlakestartingtheengineanddrivingoff.

—#—

ChristiewokeuponthemorningofhertriptoMasonBayfullofrestlessenergy,pleasedtorealiseher

everpresenttirednesshadlifted.SettlingherpackonherbackshethoughtimmediatelyofBlakelifting
herpackuponthewharf,adjustingthestrapsoverhershoulders,hishotgazeonherchestandhips.Her
eyesbecametroubledasshethoughtbacktothenighthehadgivenheralifthome,hisvoiceburningher,
askingwhatshewanted.Andhisembrace…Christieshutthefrontdoorofthecribwithaslamasshe
startedwalkingdowntothesettlementandthenoverthehilltoGoldenBay.

Ijustneedsometimetomyself,shethought.Thesmallclose-knitcommunitymeantthatChristiehad

madefriendsquickly,easily,butshealsoknewshewouldenjoytimeexploringthenationalpark,away
fromBlake’sdisturbingpresence.ItwasagloriousearlysummerdayandChristiestoppedtoappreciate
theviewoutintoGoldenBayasshewalkedtowardsthewharf.Sheknewshewasinplentyoftime,could
seeIanandtheboathehaddescribedtoher.Herstepquickenedasshewalkeddownthewharf;Ianhad
seenherbutwastalkingtosomeoneintheboat.Christiecouldfeelthewharftremblingslightlyasothers
steppedontothewharf,theirfootstepsheavyontheoldwood.Shedrewlevelwiththeboat,smiledat
Ian.

ChapterThree

“I’dbetterliftthispack,Ian.”Christiestopped,stunnedatthesoundofBlake’svoice.Shelookedinto

theboatdisbelievingly,herheartloudinherearsasshestruggledforcomposure.Blakestoodthere
unsmiling;Christiequailedatthelookinhiseyes.Sheglanceddown,unabletomeethisgazeforany
lengthoftime.

Iangaveheraperceptivelook.“Blake’salastminutefill-inforagroupgoingtotheHomestead

Block.”

“HomesteadBlock?”Christierepeated,stillunabletobelieveBlake’spresence.
“Hunting,”Blakesaid,steppingfromtheboatontothewharf.
Mesmerisedbyhisnearness,Christieunclippedthestrapsofherpackasifinadream,meeting

Blake’sgazewithaflamingfaceassherecognisedtheamusementinhiseyes.ShebarelyheardIan
explainingthattherestofthehunterswereflyingintoMasonBayfromInvercargill.Silently,Blaketook
thepackfromChristie,puttingitintheboatandthenturningbacktoChristie.

“Ican—”
Beforeshecouldprotestfurther,shefeltBlake’sarmencircleherwaistinanirongrip,steadyingher

asheswungherintotheboat,settingherdownonthedeck.“Toolate,”hesaidroughly.

Unabletospeak,hersensesreeling,Christiesatdownabruptlyonthepaddedbench,lookingaround

forIan,tryingtocalmherself.Othersclimbedontothewatertaxi,theboatrockingslightlyaseachperson
climbedaboard.Christiestaredunseeingoutintothebay,focusingherangeronBlake,silentlyaskinghim
furiousquestionsinhermind,oblivioustotheconversationoftheotherpassengers.

“Readytogo,Christie?”Sheturnedaround,sawIanlookingather,noddedpolitely.Soontheboatwas

skimmingoverthebayanddespiteBlake’sunexpectedpresenceChristiestartedtorelax,captivatedby
thesceneryandwatchingfortheapproachofthetidalestuarythatsheknewtheywouldturnintobefore
stoppingatFreshwaterLanding.Althoughthewatertaxiwassmall,Blakehadignoredherafterliftingher
intotheboatandsettingherdown;shecouldseehimtalkingtoanotherpassenger,hisbackturned,his
casualtrampingclothesnotdetractingfromhistall,powerfulframe.Otherpassengersrecognisedheras
beingpartofthehotelstaffandChristiewassoondrawnintoadiscussionaboutthenationalparkandthe
MasonBayarea.

“Incrediblethattheparkis85percentoftheisland,isn’tit?”onetouristsaid.“Andtheentirebeachat

MasonBayis19kilometreslong.”Christiesmiledpolitely,listeningtothetouristcontinuingtorecite
factsandtriviaaboutthearea,thinkingofherownplansforthenexttwodays.Shehadpurchaseda
detailedmapfromtheinformationcentre,confirmedthatshecouldwalkrightdownthebeachtowhatthe
rangerhaddescribedasawildanddesolateareaknownasTheGutter.

Christiewasdeterminedtoputherheartbreakasideandmakethemostofthetrip,thinkingbacktothe

manytripsshehadenjoyedyearsagoaspartoftheuniversitytrampingclub,theweekendcampingtrips
withherparentsasachildthathadfosteredherloveoftheoutdoors.AndthenshehadmetPaul,bothof
themfocusingontheircareers,thecocktailpartiesandnetworking,thebusinessdinners.AndsoIstopped
tramping,Christiesaidsoftly

toherself,herfaceset,realisingwhatshehadsacrificedasshelookedaroundthevastlandscape.

SuddenlyshecouldnotwaittogettoFreshwaterLanding,tostartthetrampandexploreMasonBay.

SoonthewatertaxiwasturningintotheestuaryandChristielookedahead,watchingforthejetty.“It’ll

beawhileyet.”SheheardBlake’svoice,turnedherhead,strivingforaneutralexpression.Blakestood
there,perfectlybalancedagainsttheangleofthedeck.ThesightofBlake’sthinwoollentopmouldedto
histoned,lithetorsomadehercatchherbreath;shewatchedashefoldedhislightlytannedarmsacross
hischest,fightingawaveoflongingshecouldn’tdefine.

Christienoddedbriefly,angeratBlake’spresenceonthewatertaxistillsmouldering.Heseemed

unawareofheremotion.“AworldawayfrominnercityAuckland,isn’tit?”hecontinued,uncannily
mirroringherownthoughts.Reluctantly,sheraisedherfacetolookathim,wasunabletoreadanythingin
hisface.“Yes,”Christiesaid,unawareherenthusiasmaboutthetripwasshowingonherface.“Iwent
trampingalotatuniversity,”shesaidsuddenly,almostunwillingly,Blakethought.“Butnotsince?”Blake
asked.“No,”Christiesaid,seemingpreoccupied.“It’sgoodtobeoutdoorsagain.”

“Yes,”Blakereplied.“Especiallysinceyourpackissomuchlighternow.”
AreluctantsmilecurvedChristie’smouthassheheardhiswords.Paulneverteasedmelikethat.The

thoughtwasgonebeforeChristiefullyacknowledgedit.“IfI’dknownyou’dbehere,I’dhavemadesure
itwasheavier,”sheretorted,unabletokeeptheedgefromhervoice.

Hegrinneddownather.“Andstillnotletmecarryit.”
StillneedledbyBlake’sunexpectedpresenceonthewatertaxiandunnervedbyhiscasualreferenceto

Auckland,Christiespokevehemently,overreactingtohiswords.“SowhatifIdon’t?Idon’tneedyouto
treatmelikesomesortofdoll,Blake.Ifyoureallywantedtohelpyou’djustleavemeinpeace!”Shesaw
thehardangerinhiseyesandstopped,appalledatherownwords,lookedaway.

“Don’tsulk,Christie,”Blakeshotback,hisvoicedangerous.“Ifyoudon’tknowwhatyouwant,don’t

blameme.”Herfaceburnedwithhurtassherealisedhewasreferringtohiswordstheothernight.He
sawtheagonyinhereyes,controlledhimselfwithdifficulty,furiousatherwordsandherstubbornness.

Christierealisedthatthevibrationandsoundoftheboat’smotorhadcamouflagedmostoftheir

conversationfromthosearoundthem;wasconsciousofBlakewalkingawayfromhertothefrontofthe
boat.Sheremainedperfectlystill,bitterlyregrettingheroutburstandhurtbyBlake’sresponse,moresoby
itsaccuracyassheacknowledgedherownchildishbehaviour.Sheexhaledslowly,lookedovertowhere
Blakestood,talkingtoIan.Furtheruptheestuaryshecouldseeasmalljettyandabridge;sherealised
theywereapproachingFreshwaterLanding.

Christiestoodup,filledwithsuddenresolve.Blaketurnedaroundjustasshereachedhim,looking

downatherimpassively.“EverythingtheysayinthepubaboutAucklandersistrue,”Christiesaid
tentatively.

“Seemstobe,”Blakesaidimplacably,turningbacktotalktoIan.
Embarrassed,Christielookedaroundastheboatbumpedintothejetty,pickingoutthetrackleading

awayfromtheclearing,lookingatherwatch.BlakecontinuedtalkingtoIan,bothoftheminvolvedin
manoeuvringtheboattoberthitsothepassengerscoulddisembark.Shewalkedbacktoherpack,
knowingBlakewouldnothelpwithitnow,hopinghewould,despiteeverything.Herhandclosedover
thepaddedstrapasshetuggedthepackupright,preparingtoliftitupontothejettyandthenputitonher
back.

“Justwaitonthejetty,Christie,I’llpassthepackuptoyou.”Ian’sgruffvoicecutthroughChristie’s

thoughts.ShefeltratherthansawBlake’sgazeonherassheletgoofthepack,steppedupontothejetty,
reliefanddisappointmentflowingthroughherinequalmeasure.Surprisingher,Iansteppedupontothe
jettyaswell,holdingthepacklevelsoshecouldputiton.Shethankedhim,confirmingthetimeofher
returntrip,beforehemovedofftohelpanotherpassenger.Outofthecornerofhereyeshecouldsee
Blakestillintheboat,obviouslyinnohurrytoleave.Christieturnedandfledtowardsthestartofthe
track.

—#—

Afteratimeshesloweddown,enjoyingthefeelingofbeingouttrampingagainaftersomanyyears.

Theskywascloudlessbuttheairwasslightlycool,despiteitbeingalmostthestartofsummer.I’vebeen
ontheislandfourweeks,Christiethoughttoherself,herspiritsbuoyedasshethoughtbackoverhertime
ontheislandsofar,thefriendsshehadmade,thepeopleshehadmet.Herwork,whichwasacomplete

changefromhercareerandyetwassosatisfying.SherealisedleavingAuckland,removingherselffrom
everythingthatwasfamiliarhadbeenexactlywhatsheneeded.

Thenightmareswerefadingandshewasgraduallycatchinguponsleep;shehopedthehutatMason

Baywouldnotbetoobusyandshecouldfindanannexthatwouldmeanshecouldsleepwithoutbeing
disturbed.ChristiecontinuedthinkingaboutMasonBay,tryingnottothinkofBlake,oftheangryexchange
onthewatertaxi,ofBlake’sresponsetoherapproachastheboatreachedthejetty.

Eventually,Christiereachedavastplain,catchingherbreathatthelandscape,thetussock,thescaleof

theterrain.TheheartbreakofPaulandAmanda’sbetrayalseemeddistanttoChristie,unimportantinthe
faceofsucharaw,remotelandscape.AboardwalkstartedtoreplacethetrackandChristiecouldseea
hugesandhillacrosstheswamp.Inthedistancetheskywasturninggrey.Herbootsandtrouserswere
alreadyspatteredwithmudandshewonderedifitwouldrain.

Bythetimeshereachedthehut,Christiewaslookingforwardtoaleisurelylatelunch.Sheknewthe

bayitselfwasnotfarfromthehutandassheatelunchshestudiedhermap,tracingthepathshehadtaken,
planningthenextday.Thesilencewasabsoluteasshesatinthecoolsunshine,herminddrifting.Onto
Blake.Sheregrettedheroutburstthatmorning,realisingwithhindsightshehadoverreactedbutstill
smartingathisresponse.OfcourseIknowwhatIwant,shethought.Timetomyself.

Christiewalkedinsidetoherpack,pickedupherredjacketandanextrawooltop,decidingtowalkto

thesanddunes,explorethebay.Shesetoff,refusingtoacknowledgeshewasstartingtowonderwhere
Blakewas,whenhewouldarrive.Shestartedupthesandyinclineleadingbetweenthedunes,looking
forwardtoseeingMasonBay.Shecaughtherbreathasshecaughtaglimpseoftheoceanandthevast
crescentofsandstretchingintothedistance.Christiestoppedabruptly,watchingthebreezewhippingthe
waves,noticingthewindsweptpatternofthesand,thedriftwoodaroundthetideline.Shecouldseeno
oneelseonthebeachalthoughsheknewsomeofthetouristshadwalkedonfromthehutearlier.

Christierealisedsomeonewaswalkinguptheinclinebehindher,turnedaround,hereyessparkling.

“Isn’tit—”ShebrokeoffinconfusionassherealisedBlakewasstandingthere,watchingher,his
expressionsardonic,daringhertofinishhersentence.Christieswallowedasshewatchedhim,finally
foundhervoice.“It’samazing.Likeyousaid.”Shesawaflickerofemotioninhiseyesashegavehera
slightnod.Blaketookastepforward,movingtowalkdowntheinclinetowardsthebeachitself.

“Blake.”
Hestopped,lookedbackather.Christie’sbreathcaughtinherthroatasshelookedathim,standing

againstapanoramaoftheseaandthesand.“I’vestillgotawaytogotothehunters’hut,Christie.Whatis
it?”

Confusionswampedher.“Thehunters’hut?Whydohuntershaveadifferenthut?”shesaidbeforeshe

couldthinkthroughwhatshewassaying.

“TokeepthemselvessafefromgirlsfromAuckland,”Blakesaid,watchingChristieintently,ahintof

suddenamusementinhiseyes.

Despiteheruncertainty,Christiesmiled,unabletomatchhisquickwit,notknowingwhattosay.She

thoughtbackovertheday,herrealisationaboutPaul,herjoyatbeingouttrampingagain.Blakespoke
beforeshecould,hisvoicecareful.“Myfriendsflyintomorrowmorningandthebookingdoesn’tstart’til
then.I’mjustheadingdowntothehunters’huttoseewho’saround.”Heshrugged.“Itcouldbecrowdedif
thepreviousguysarestillthere.”Christiestudiedthesand.“SoI’llprobablybebackatthemainhutlater.
There’llbedinnerandkiwiwatchingonoffer.”Hisvoicebecamerough.“Uptoyou.”

Christietookadeepbreath,holdingontoherresolvelikeshewasdrowning.ShewouldtalktoBlake.

ShehadtotalktoBlake.Otherwiseshewouldsitaloneinthehutbecauseofpride.Blakesmiledather.
“OryoucantalktoMrStatisticsfromthetaxiaboutafourhourtramptoa22bedhutnexttoabeach
that’s19kilometreslong.”ChristiesmiledbackathimassherealisedBlakewasmimickingthetourist
shehadtalkedtothatmorningonthetaxi.

“Lifeisfullofdifficultdecisions,”Christiesaidrecklessly,hervoicedeadpanbuthereyessparkling.

Sheflushedslightly,keepinghereyesonBlake.

Heshookhisheadslightly,grinningather.“Outhere,eventhedifficultdecisionsareeasy,”hesaid

matter-of-factly.

Howdoeshedothat?Christiewondered.Besosureofhimselfbutstillpickuponmythoughts,

echowhateverI’mthinking?“I’lltakeyourwordforit,”shereplied,strivingforanormaltone,feeling
slightlysickasshethoughtbacktoherrecklessremark.

Blakelookedathiswatch.“I’llprobablybebackatthemainhutbetweenfiveandsix;areyougoingto

lookaround?”Christienoddedmutely.“WellI’llleaveyouinpeacethen,”hesaid,hispiercinggaze
remindingChristieofherangrywordsonthewatertaxi.

“HopefullyIwillhavestoppedsulkingbydinnertime,”shesaid,meetinghisgaze.
Blakeburstoutlaughing,surprisingher.“Christie,let’sjustdeclareatruceforoneevening.”He

smileddisarmingly.“YoucantrytorelaxforonemealandI’lltrytokeeptheconversationonsafe
topics.”

“Likestatistics?”Christiesaidbeforeshecouldstopherself,stungbyhisperceptiveness.
“Maybenotquitethatsafe,”Blakesaid,givingheraquickgrin.“So,truce?”Christienodded,her

heartpounding.“Good,”Blakesaid.“Nowthatthat’ssettled,I’llheadoff.”Heturnedaway,continuing
downthesandyslope,walkingalongthebeachpurposefully.Shewatchedhimgo,tookadeepbreath,
exhaledslowly,hersensesstillclamouringasshewalkeddownontothebeach.Christielookedout
acrossthebeachatthewildsea,thewaveschurningastheybrokeonthesand,sprayingflecksoffoam.

SheacknowledgedwrylythatsheandBlakewouldbehavingdinnertogether,whatevershesaidabout

it,giventhecommunal,basiclayoutofthehut.Shewalkedalongthebeachforatime,followingthe
tideline,herbootscrunchingonlayersofshells.Thebreezehadbecomebrisk,cool,andwithafinal
glancedownthebeach,Christieputherjacketonandturnedbacktowardsthehut.

—#—

Blakestoodinthedoorwaysilently,watchingChristie.Shewascurledupinanoldarmchair,holding

anoldmagazinebuttalkingtoothertourists,herfaceanimated,alive.Shelookedup,herexpression
smoothingouttoahesitantsmile.Hiseyesnarrowedasheregisteredherabruptchangeindemeanour.He
noticedthehutwasalmostfullnow;consciousofhisriflehelookedforsomewheretoputhispacksohe
couldensuretheammunitionandboltoftherifleweresecure.

“Blake.”Helookedaroundabruptly,realisingChristiehadgotupfromthearmchairandcomeoverto

thedoorway.“Whataboutyourgun?”sheasked.

“Youreadmymind,”Blakerepliedeasily.“It’ssafewiththeboltandammokeptseparatebutI’d

ratherkeepitoutofsight.”Christiefellsilent,seemingtoweighsomethingup.Herealisedshewas
lookingupathim,herfaceslightlyflushed.

“Isitaproblemtohavetheguninthemainroom?”sheasked.
Blakelookedather,frowning.Heshrugged.“It’snotideal;huntersarediscouragedfromusingthishut.

Butit’llbefine;I’llchecktheotherrooms.AndIcandisabletherifle.”

Hecouldnotunderstandherconcern,wonderedwhereherpackwas,unabletoseeitintheroom.“I’ll

justchecktheotherrooms,”herepeated.Christiefollowedhimaroundtheveranda,herheartpounding.
Shehadthoughtherselfluckytogetoneofthesmallerroomsbutnowrealisedtherewaseverychance
Blakewouldwant…Indecision,apprehensionanddesiremingledasChristietriedtothinklogically.

Likeanythingcouldhappeninseparatesleepingbagsonbunksinasharedroom,shetoldherself

roundly,ignoringthesenseofdisappointmentthreadingitswayupherspine.WhatifIhaveanother
nightmare,Christiethought,whatif…SherealisedBlakehadopenedthedoortotheroom,wouldsurely

recogniseherpackleaningagainstthebunkintheotherwiseemptyroom.Hestilledforamoment;
Christietensed,wonderingwhathewouldsay.Heturnedaway,glancingather,hisdarkeyesshadowed.

“Thattrampermightwanttobeleftinpeace.”Speechless,Christiewatchedhimstridealongthe

verandatotheothersmallerrooms.Asheopenedeachdoorhecouldseetrampinggearstrewnaround;
theroomsseemedfull.Unbidden,sherecalledtrampingwiththeclubatuniversity;shehadneverminded
sharingroomsordormitories,hadnevergivenitathought.Sowhycarenow,shethought,tryingto
rationaliseit,findingnoanswers.

“Blake,”Christiespokequicklyandthensubsided,hearingherownvoiceasiffromadistance.He

lookedather,hisgazeintent.Shespokeagain,hervoicesurer.“Itlookedliketherewasasparebunkin
thatfirstroom,”shesaid,strivingforaneutraltone.

“Wasthere?”hesaid,hisvoicelow.
Shecouldn’tlookathim.“Yes,”shesaidquietly.
“Whichbunkwasthat?”heasked.
Shecouldfeelhiseyesonher,realisedwithashockhewasdeliberatelyleavingituptoher,wanting

hertolethimknowwhatbunkheshouldtake.Animageofhisdevastatingkiss,hisembrace,flashedinto
hermind.“Anyone,”Christiemanagedtosay,wonderinghowBlakecouldbesoconsiderateandyetso
forceful.Shewatchedhimopenthedoor,shrugoffhispackandputitdownnexttoanemptybunk,drawn
tohisgazeashelookedather.

“Ithoughtwe’dagreedyou’dtryandrelax,”hesaid,ateasingsmileonhisface.
“Onlyfordinner,”Christieretorted,hereyesnarrowing.“Andyousaidyou’dkeeptheconversation

onsafesubjects.”

Blakegrinnedather.“I’mtryingmybest.”
“Todowhat?”Christiesaidbluntly.
Deftlyhefinishedremovingtheboltfromtherifle,lookingather,suddenlyserious.“Whatdoyouwant

metosay,Christie?”Sheblushed,caughtoffguardagain.Blakemovedclosertoher,hisgazerueful.
“Timetogettheconversationbackontothosesafesubjects.”Hecontinuedspeaking,concisely
explainingwhatwasneededtokeepboththeboltandammunitionseparatefromtherifleandsorender
therifleunusable.

Hecontinuedtalking,askingabouthertramp,whatshehadseenonthebeach,casuallyleaningagainst

theframeofthebunks,seeminglyunconcernedaboutherstiltedreplies.WhyamIlikethis?Christie
thoughtfuriously.Can’tIevenholdaconversationnow?HermindflashedbacktoAuckland,tothe
socialisingshehadenjoyed,theseminarsshehadpresentedsowell.NowI’mstandingherelikeashy
schoolgirl,shethoughtwryly.

“Doesmyhuntingbotheryou?”Blakeaskedabruptly.
Christielookedathim,surprised.“No,”shereplied.“Itlookslikeyouneedtobequietforalotofthe

time.MaybeIshouldtakeitupmyself.”

Hetiltedhishead,watchingher,registeringherdefianttone.“SodidyourmotherreadyouBambiasa

child?”heaskedflippantly,tryingtogethertoadmitwhatwasbotheringher.

“Yes,”Christiesaid,hereyessuddenlyclearing.“ButRedRidingHood’sstillmyfavourite,”she

addedunexpectedly,makinghimchokebacksuddenlaughterashesmiledather.QuicklyBlakemadea
jokeinreply,referringtothewolf,testingthewaters,wantingtoseeherreaction.Christiefroze,ignoring
hisjoke,hisclearattempttoflirtbackinresponsetohercomment.Shetookadeepbreath,thinkingback
tohisdeliberatetactaboutsharingaroom,theconcernhecouldnotquitecamouflagewhenAmanda
calledher.Deepdown,ChristierealisedshewasbeingunfairevenassheregisteredBlake’snearnessin
thesmallroom.

“MaybeIshouldtrytorelaxbeforedinner,”Christiesaidquietly,tryingtoframewhatshewantedto

say.

“Ithinkso,”Blakesaidcalmly,asherummagedthroughhispack,removingfoodandasmallcooker.
“Areyoucookingdinnernow?”sheasked.
Henodded,straighteningup.Christiemovedovertoherpack,intendingtogetoutherowndinner.She

lookedaround,herfacequestioningasBlakesaidhernamequietly.“I’vegotenoughfoodforbothofus;
myfriendsalwaysflyinwithenoughfoodforanarmy.”Christiewasabouttorefusebutcaughtherselfas
sherememberedherearlierthoughts.Outhere,PaulandAmandaseemedadistantdream;shehadbeen
enthralledbytheday,thescenery,thebayitself.Icanatleastrelaxforoneevening,shethought,smiling
toherselfassherealisedherthoughtsunconsciouslyechoedBlake’swords.

“Thatwouldbegreat,”shesaid.
“Watchit,”hereplied,instantlyteasingher,tryingagaintomovepastthereserveshehadputup.“Too

muchofthatandImightgetthewrongidea.”

“I’dsoonputyouright,don’tworry,”Christieshotback.Iknowyouwould,hethoughtsilently.
Thirtyminuteslater,Blakeplacedaplateofsausages,instantpastaandbutteredbreadinfrontof

Christie.“Finedining,”Blakesaid,deadpan.ChristielookedupquicklyasBlakenamedoneof
Auckland’sbestrestaurants.OnethatshehadfrequentlybeentowithPaul.

Shehidthequestioninglookonherface,smiledupatBlake,continuingthejoke,gesturingtoher

bottledwater,askingBlaketosendthewinewaiter.ChristieblushedasBlakeputaminiaturebottleof
wineinfrontofher,lookedupathim,realisinghehadclearlypackedthewineknowingshewouldbe
here.Hiseyeswereintentonhers.

“Dohuntersdrinkwine?”shesaidlightly,herheartpounding.
“It’sforyou,”Blakesaidbluntly.“Andit’sstillsealed,sonoworriesthere.”
Suddenlyunabletospeak,ChristiereachedfortheminiaturebottleandthesmallplasticcupBlakehad

alsoplacedonthetable.ShenoticedBlakehadopenedabottleofbeer,hadalreadystartedhismeal.
Christieatesilently,embarrassedatBlake’sjokingreferencetohercautionatthepub,atthewayhehad
insistedoncookingthemealtonight,acceptingnohelpfromher,leavingherwithnothingtodobutsimply
standandwatch.Shehadbarelyregisteredtheothertouristsinthehut,focusedcompletelyontalkingto
Blake,deliberatelyshuttingPaulfromhermind.Blakehadcontinuedtheconversation,askingherabout
herplansforthenextday,continuingtodiscussawiderangeofsubjects.

Excepthimself,Christiethoughtnow.“Soifyou’rejustvisitingTony,areyouworkingontheisland?”

sheaskedcasually.

Blakeshookhishead,suddenlywatchful.“IworkjustoutofArrowtown,”hereplied.
Quickly,shetriedtorecallwhatlittlesheknewaboutthatareaoftheSouthIsland.“Sodoyouwork

inavineyard?Oranorchard?”sheasked,genuinelyinterested,suddenlyrememberingthatareawasalso
knownforadventuretourism.

Blakesmiledslightly.“Avineyard,”hereplied,beforeChristiecouldaskabouttourism.
“Youhelpwiththeharvest,”sheguessed,awareofBlake’sloveoftheoutdoors.
Blakeinclinedhishead,sayingnothing.Christiesmiled,assumingshehadguessedcorrectly,realising

theopeninghehadgivenherbybringingoutthewine.“Soisthisthevineyardyouworkin?”sheasked,
gesturingtothewine.Blakelookedather,hesitatingslightlybeforeshakinghishead.Christielistenedas
hespokeaboutthevineyardnearArrowtown,fascinatedbyhisstories,askingmorequestions.Athought
struckher.“That’sthewineyougotmeatthepub,”shesaid,embarrassedassherememberedher
commentaboutthewinenotbeingoneshewouldchoose.

Blakenodded.“Whywouldn’tyouhavechosenityourself?”heaskedcalmly,obviouslyremembering

hercomment.Christieapologised,realisingagainhowrudeshehadbeen.Blakeshrugged.“Tellme
why.”

Christietookadeepbreath.“Thelabel,”shesaidquietly,blushingasBlakelaughed.
“Butyousaidyouenjoyedthewine,Christie,that’stheimportantthing,notthelabel.”

Defensive,uncomfortablywonderingifhewasprovokingher,Christieexplained.
“Thelabelissosimilartotwootherbrands,”shesaid,namingthem.“Anditdoesn’tmentionwhere

thewineismade,whichisthemainpointofdifference,whenyoulookatwheretheothertwoaremade.
Especiallyforthepinotnoir.Ihadheardofthatwinery,butdidn’trealiseitwasinCentralOtago.”She
continuedtalkingaboutthedesignofthelabel,herloveofdesignandtechnicalknowledgecoming
through.

Smiling,quietlyshockedasChristiemirroredhisownviewsaboutthelabel,expandedindetailon

pointshehadonlythoughtaboutgenerally,Blakespokewithoutthinking.“They’retalkingabout
rebranding,youshouldputadesignforward.”

Christieshookherheaddefinitely.“Idon’thavemylaptophere,orthesoftwareI’dneed.Redesigning

labelsforawinerylikethat,theownersshouldreallygotoafirmwithalltheresourcestofollow
through.”

Blakeeventuallychangedthesubject,talkingagainaboutMasonBay,thekiwisthatcouldbeseenafter

dark.Christiefellsilent,suddenlyconsciousoftheeveningthathadflownbyinBlake’scompany,unable
totakehergazeawayfromhisface,hisdarkeyes,noticingthewayhisfacelitupwhenhesmiledather.
Herheartcontractedwithlonging;Paulwasgonefromhermind,hisbetrayalremote,unimportant.

ChristiesmiledatBlakeasheplacedtwoslicesoffruitcakeonthetable,offeredtomakecoffee.

“Maybelater,”shesaidquietly,growingmoreandmoreawareofthepassageoftime,theimplicationsof
theapproachingdarkness.ShechokedbacklaughterasBlaketeasedheroutrageouslyabouthavingcoffee
later,hisdoublemeaningclear.

“Justcoffee,”shereplied,doubtsinstantlyassailingher,crushingherdangerousthoughtsofamoment

ago.ChristiesawBlake’seyesflickerbrieflybeforehesmoothlyresumeddiscussingplanstowatchthe
kiwis.Rackedwithdesireanddoubtinequalmeasure,Christiestoodupabruptly,excusingherself,
tensingslightlyassherealisedsheandBlakeweresharingaroom.

“I’llknock,don’tworry,”Blakesaid,furtherunnervingherassherealisedhehadeffortlessly

understoodherthoughts.

Christielookedupathim,herexpressionslightlydefiant.“I’mjustgoingtogetajacketandtorch,”she

said,strivingforacasualtone,almostboltingfromthemainroomofthehut.

TakenabackbyhoweasyitwastobeinBlake’scompany,Christiesnatchedupherjacketandtorch,

satdownonthebunk,tornbetweenstayinginthehutandgoingout.Iwanttoseethekiwis,shethought,
but…Herthoughtscircledendlesslyassheclosedhereyes,tryingtocalmherself.Christielookedup
quicklyassheheardasharpknockonthedoorfollowedalmostimmediatelybyBlake.Herheart
poundingunreasonably,Christiestoodup,suddenlyself—conscious.SherealisedBlakewasholdinghis
ownjacketandtorch,waswatchingher.“Where’sthebestplace?”sheasked,consciousonlyofhiseyes
onhers.

“Toseekiwis?”Blakeasked,teasingher.Embarrassed,Christielefttheroom,unabletoreplyas

Blake’sincessantteasingonlyemphasisedherownthoughts.

Blakefollowedherout,allsignsofjokinggone.“Sothetruceisover,isit?”hesaidroughly.
“Likethesafesubjects?”Christierepliedquickly,unwillingtolethimseehowmuchsheenjoyedhis

quickwit,howattractedshewastohim.Silently,sheacknowledgedthatBlake’steasingwordswere
oftendirect,infactvergedonbluntness,butsheneverthelessfoundherselfunabletotakerealoffence.

“Stilldecidingwhatyouwant,areyou?”Blakeasked,hisvoicedeceptivelylight.Christieglaredat

himinresponse,infuriatedbythewayheseemedtoturneverythingbackonher.

“Iwanttoseethekiwis,”Christiesaid,tryingtoremaincalm,deliberatelymisunderstandinghim.

“Aretheyclosetothehut?What’sinvolved?”Shekepthergazefixedonthejacketshewasholding,
tryingtoregaincontrol.

Blakewassilent;eventuallyshelookedbackupathim.“Theymightbe,”hesaid,quietlyannoyedat

herrejection,herrefusaltoflirtwithhim.“ButIthoughtwecouldwalkthroughtothebeach.”Christie
hesitated,unabletoresisttheideaofgoingtoseeMasonBayagain.WithBlake.Inwardlycursingher
ownindecisiveness,Christietriedtothinkofawaytoretrievethesituation.

“Uptoyou,”Blakesaideventually,asChristieremainedsilent.
“Istheremorechanceofseeingakiwionthebeach?”Christieasked.
Blakeshrugged.“Probably.Butyoumightwanttostayaroundthehut.”Christie’sheartsank,

recognisinghisimpersonaltone,astarkcontrastfromhisearlierjokingandteasing.

Shetookadeepbreath,tryingtothinkbacktoatimebeforePaul,tobringoutherusualconfidence.“I

thinkI’dliketolookaroundthebeach,”Christiesaid,checkinghertorch,notlookingatBlake.“Areyou
headingoverthatwaysoon?”Sheglancedupathim,breathlessatthelookhewasgivingher,alookthat
washiddensoquicklysheconvincedherselfshewasimaginingit.

—#—

ChristiestoodquietlyinthedunesaroundMasonBay,lettinghereyesadjusttothenight,intensely

consciousofBlakestandingcloseby,watchingthetussock.ShehadturnedhertorchoffearlieratBlake’s
whisperedsuggestion,thenheardthetussockrustling,theharshcalling,unlikeanythingshehadheard
before.Involuntarily,sheglancedquicklyupatBlake,herfacealightwithamazement,beforelooking
backatthetussockasakiwiburstoutoftheundergrowth,walkingrightpastChristie,headingawayup
thedune.ChristietensedasshefeltBlake’shandonherarm.“What—”

“Quiet,look.”Hegesturedovertothetussock.Incredulous,Christiewatchedanotherkiwiemerge

fromthetussock,followingthefirst.SherealisedBlakehadkepthishandonherarm;herheartlurchedas
thecontinuedtouchofhishandsentwavesoflongingthroughher.Suddenlynervousshelookedupat
Blake,feltherselfheldbyhisgaze,hisfaceshadowedinthedarkofthenight.

“Blake,I…”shebegan,fellsilentashecontinuedtowatchher,hypnotisedbyhisgaze.
“Quiet,”herepeated,hisvoicewarm,stillmakingnomovetoshifthishandortomoveclosertoher.

Christieshiveredwithlonging;shesensedBlaketense.“You’recold.”Christienodded,unabletosay
anythingoradmitthetruth.Imperceptibly,hemovedcloser.

“Here,takemyjacket.”Christieshookherhead,frozenwithdesire.ThementalimageofBlake

sheddinghisjacketwasseductive,dangerous.Shefelthimremovehishandfromherarm,heardthezipof
hisjacket,loudagainstthedistantroarofthewavesbreakingonthesand.

“Blake,no,Idon’tneedyourjacket,”shemanagedtosay.Shetookastepawayfromhim,lookedup,

tryingtocalmherselfbyfocusingonthenightsky.Thestarsseemedimpossiblybrightagainsttheblack
sky,unlikeanythingshehadeverseeninAuckland.ChristietensedasshefeltBlakemovetowardsher.
Heregisteredhertension;disappointmentgrippedhimlikeavice.

“That’stheSouthernCross,”Blakesaidquietly.“Nocitylightsorpollutiontodullit.”Asthough

hypnotised,ChristiegazedattheSouthernCross,focusingontheinkysky,hearingBlakeashepointedout
thepatternthatmadeupthefamousconstellation.Sheremainedsilent,intenselyconsciousofBlake’s
proximity,thesoundofhisvoice,thevastnessofthelandscape.“Sothat’sitthen,”Blakecontinued,a
rangeofmeaningsinhisvoice,hopingagainsthopeshewouldturntohim.“You’veseenthekiwisnow.”

“Yes,”Christiesaid,stilllookingupatthesky,abletofeelhisgazeonher,realisinghewasmoving

closertoher,realisingwhatthatmeant,whatitwouldleadto.“Blake,Ijustcametotheislandforsome
timeaway,timetomyself.”Shesensedhisshockatherwords.Ishouldbeabletoexplain,Christie
thought,hatingherselfforherinconsistentactions,hervagueexplanations.Shefinallylookedathim,able
tothinkofnothingelsebutbeinginhisarms,unabletofindthewordstoopenlyacknowledgehowshe
felt.TobeinBlake’sarms,tosharethenightwithhim,toforgetabouttheheartbreakPaulhad
caused…

Sheremainedstubbornlysilent,unabletoexplainevenasshetriedtofightherdesperatelonging.

Blakedidnotmove,saidhernamequietly,insistently.“Itwouldbeamistake,”Christiesaideventually,
eachwordheavyonherheart.

“Idon’tbelieveyou,”Blakesaid.“You’renotbeinghonestwithme.Oryourself.”Shesaidnothing

further;heshrugged.“Haveityourwaythen,”Blakesaid,hisvoiceimpersonal.“I’mheadingbacktothe
hutnowanyway.”

—#—

Christiepushedopenthepaintedwoodendoortotheroom,sickatheart.Blakehadbeencompletely

silentonthewalkbacktothehut,asChristiebecameincreasinglyupsetwithhowshehadhandledthings.
Icouldhaveexplainedproperly,shethought,stilluncomfortableatthewayshehadshutdownBlake’s
advances,socompletely,numbattheideaofsharingaroomwithBlake.Oractedonmyfeelings.She
cringedinwardlyasshereplayedthewayshehadignoredorturnedawayfromeachandeveryoneof
Blake’scommentsandblatanthintsovertheevening.Hypocrite,shethoughttoherself,Blake’sfinal
wordsabouthonestyringinginhereyes.

Christiebrieflycontemplatedmovingintothemainroom,rememberedhowcrowdeditalreadywas.At

leastthere’sathirdpersoninherenow,sherealised,seeinganotherpackasshelookedaroundtheroom,
notknowingwhethertolaughorcry.AtraitorousvoiceinsideheraskedwhereBlakewas;hehad
disappearedimmediatelyaftertheyreachedthehut,pushingopenthedoortothemainroomwithout
sayinganything.

Exhaustedbyherthoughts,Christieunfurledhersleepingbag,eachactionseemingtotakesuperhuman

effort.ClampingdownonherdisappointmentthatBlakehadnotreturned,shegotintohersleepingbag,
unabletobelievehowtiredshewas.AtleastIdon’thavetimetothink,shethoughtsleepily,asshe
clickedoffhertorchandimmediatelyfellasleep.

ChapterFour

Christie’seyessnappedopeninthepitchblackofthehut,herheartpounding,panickingassherealised

thenightmarehadwokenher.DidIcallout,shewonderedwildly,chokingbackasob.IsBlakestill
asleep…whatdidIsayinmydream…Christie’sthoughtsspiralled;unsurewhattodosheturnedover,
facingthewall.Shetensedinhersleepingbag,tryingtocalmherself,tryingnottocryasmingled
heartbreakandconfusionsuddenlyoverwhelmedher.Sheheardtherustleofasleepingbag,shuthereyes
tightly,listening.“Christie.”Hereyesflewopeninthedarkness,wonderingwhethertoanswer.“Iknow
you’reawake.”Blake’svoicewasrough.“You’right?”

“Yes,fine,”shesaidsoftly,nottrustingherselftosaymore.Shetriedtorelax,deliberatelynotthinking

ofwhatBlakemighthaveheardhersay.Sheshuthereyesagain,utterlyexhaustedemotionally,onedgeat
theknowledgeBlakewasawake.Acutelyattunedtoeverysound,ChristieheardBlakeunziphissleeping
bag,thecreakoftheoldwoodenfloor.Unabletobreathe,ChristielistenedsilentlytoBlakewalking
acrossthefloor,standnexttoherbunk.Shecouldfeelhishesitation.

Withoutstoppingtothinkshesatup,unabletoseehisfaceinthedarkness.Halfasleep,stillgroggy

fromthenightmare,Christiefeltforhertorch,movedtotheedgeofthebunk,reachingovertoherpackfor
anotherwoollentop.“What’sgoingon?”heasked.

“Justcold,”Christiesaid,holdingthewoollentop.
“Cold,”herepeateddisbelievingly.“Let’strythetruth,Christie.What’sgoingon?”
“Imusthavehadabaddream,”shesaidcarefully.“SorryifI—”
“Whatwasthedream?”heinterruptedtersely.
“Idon’treallyremember,”Christiesaid,hervoicetremblingdangerously.Blakesaidnothingandin

hissilence,Christierealisedhedidnotbelieveherdenial.

Sheheardhimexhaleashesworequietly.“Areyougoingtobehonestwithme?”Blakeasked,his

voicelow.

Christietensedassheheardthefrustrationinhisvoice.“It’sjustabaddream,”sherepeated,stillnot

comfortableexplainingPaultoBlake.

“Idon’tbelieveyou,”hesaid,hisgazepinningherintheglowofthetorchbeam.
“Whatever,”Christiesaid.“Pleasedon’tmakeabigdealoutofit,Blake.Justgobacktobed.”

Christiecouldhardlybreathe,acutelyconsciousofBlakestandingbyherbunk,watchingher.Desperately,
shehopedherexplanationwouldatleastshutdownhisrelentlessquestions,theunbearablehintof
concernbehindhisroughtone.Hedidnotmove,stillstandingbythebunk,frustratedshewouldnottalkto
himwhenhehadheardhercallout,thinkingwhathehadheardhersay.

Hetriedafinaltime.“Youwon’ttalktomethen?”
“Blake,justleaveit,please.Idon’twanttotalkaboutit.”Shefelthisfrustrationlikeitwasaphysical

barrierbetweenthem,heardhisquietoath.Christiestaredblanklyathertorch,watchingtheshaftoflight
glowing,illuminatingthewoodenbunkframe,thetopofherpack.SheheardBlakereturningtohisbunk,
foughtthemingleddisappointmentandrelief.

Toolate,Christierealisedhewasreturning,crossingthesmallroominonlyafewstrides,duckinghis

head,climbingaroundherintothebunk,catchingherwithhisarmandsilentlypullingheragainsthim
beforeshecouldreact.“Notalkingthen,”hesaid,hisvoiceunreadable.

“Blake,I…Stop,”Christiebegandisjointedly,tryingtoformasentenceashethrewhisopensleeping

bagoverthembothlikeablanket.Sheacidlypointedoutitwasasinglebunk,franticallyseizingona
practicalcomplaintasdesirerippledthroughher,instantlyrealisinghowrevealinghercommentwas.

“Isthatyouronlyproblem?”Blake’svoicewaslow.
“No,it’snot,”shebeganheatedly,denyingherdesire.“Justbecause—”
“Christie,listen.”Blake’svoicewasstillunreadable.“It’sawidebunk.You’restillinyoursleeping

bagandwe’rebothwearingGodknowshowmanylayersofwool.And—”hepaused,“—youcanchange
bunksanytime.I’mtheoneagainstthewall.Uptoyou.”Christiestayedsilent,incapableofmoving,able
onlytothinkofthereassuringstrengthofBlake’sbodywarmingherthroughhersleepingbag,theextra
warmthofhissleepingbagoverhers.“Youdidsayyouwerecold,”headded,hisvoicelowinherear,
sendingashiverofdesiredownherspine.

Ishouldleavethebunk,hermindtoldher,evenasherheartrejoicedatBlake’scloseness,thecocoon

ofwarmthhisbodycreated,thelightpressureofhisarmburningthroughhersleepingbag,sendingatrail
ofdesirearoundherwaist.Unabletospeakwithoutcompletelybetrayingheremotions,Christiemadea
half-heartedattempttoswingherlegsoutofthebunk,feelingBlaketense.Shehesitatedasshefelt
Blake’sarmtightenalmostimperceptiblyaroundher.

“Iwanttogo,”Christiewhispered,hervoiceheavywithunshedtearsandhiddenlonging.
“Nothing’sstoppingyou,”Blakerepliedcalmly.
“Yourarmisaroundme,”shesaid,hatingherselfforherpretence,herdenialofhertruefeelings.
“Youcanstillgo,”Blakesaid,thetensioninhisbodybelyinghistone.Christiepaused,herheart

pounding,consciousonlyofBlake,hernightmareadimmemorynowsweptawaybyhispresence.“Or
youcanstay.”

Blake’svoiceremainedlowbuttoChristieitassumedtheimperativeofadirectcommand,echoingthe

voiceinherheart.Asifinadream,shecurvedherlegsbackontothebunk,tryingtorelax.“You’re
stayingthen,”Blakesaidquietly.

Christiesnappedoffthetorch,castingthehutbackintodarkness.“Notalking,”sheremindedhim,real

light-heartednessinhervoiceforthefirsttimeinweeks.Sheheard,felt,thelowrumbleofBlake’s
laughter,sensedhisarmtightenaroundher.

—#—

Christiewokeupslowlythenextmorning,realisingwithastartherheadwasrestingagainstBlake’s

chest,feelingtheroughwoolofhisjersey,theevenrhythmofhisbreathing.Panicfilledher,humiliation
closebehindassherememberedkiwiwatching,thenightmare,Blakesharingherbunk.Christietensedas
sherealisedshewasstillfullyclothed,embarrassedatthedirectionherthoughtsweretaking.She
realisedshehadsleptthroughtherestofthenightwithoutwaking,thatitwasnowmorning,palesunlight
lightingtheroom.

“Don’tworry,nothinghappened.”ChristieheardBlake’swordswithashock,desperatelytriedto

remaincalm,casual.

“Youjumpingintothebunkwashardlynecessary,”shesaid,hatingtheedgeinhervoice.
“Hindsight,”Blakesaid,hissarcasmunmistakeable,hisvoicecloseinherear.
“Godknowswhatthatothertouristthought,”Christiecontinuedwaspishly.
“IthoughtitwasfairlyG-ratedactually,”Blakeretorted.“Apartfromyourdream,ofcourse.Which

youwon’ttalkabout.”

“Thatdreamhadnothingtodowithyou,”Christiesaid,pullingawayfromBlake,hurt.
“Thatwasobvious,”Blakesaidcuttingly,notwantingtobetrayhisconfusion,hishurtatChristie’s

reluctancetoexplain.Hehadinstantlyacceptedtheoffertojoinahuntinggroupatthelastminute,hoping
tospendtimewithChristie,thatthehutwouldnotbetoocrowded,that…Hethoughtbackoverthe
evening,thekiwiwatching,stillabletotastethedisappointmentofChristie’sindecision,oftheother
touristtakingabunkintheroomatthelastminute.Eachmomentoftheeveningplayedoutinhismind.

Ifonlythosememoriesweren’tsovivid,Blakethought,fightingdownthecautioushopehehadfelt

whenChristiepointedouttheemptybunkintheroom.Tolietherethroughthenightknowingshewasin
theroomandthennexttohim,inhisarms,hadbeenalmostunendurable,knowinghecouldmakenoreal

physicaladvance,tryingtodecipherhermixedmessages.

Stilltryingtodisguiseherfeelings,Christiesatupontheedgeofthebunk,ignoringBlake,unzipping

hersleepingbagasshetriedtoforgetherdreamandthenightinhisarms.Silently,shefocusedonlooking
inherpackforbreakfast,consciousofBlakestilllyinginthebunk,watchingher.Shesmiledpolitelyat
thetouristashewalkedintotheroomtocollecthispack,leftagain.

ShesensedBlakemove,halfturned,acutelyawaretheywerenowaloneintheroom.Hastily,shemade

acommentaboutbreakfast;Blake’seyesnarrowed.“AndnowI’llmentiontheweather,shallI?”hesaid
scathingly.“Wecanhaveanicesafeconversation.”Christieturnedaway,herfaceburningathisobvious
derision.Whichisjustified,shethoughtdespairingly.Onemomentwe’realmostkissinginthesand
dunesandthenextasleeptogether,andnowI’mmakingsmalltalkaboutporridge.

Blakesawhershouldershunchslightlyassheavertedherface;hesworetohimself,remindinghimself

ofherobviousdistresswhenshehadwokenovernight.Hegotoutofthebunk,movedovertohispack.
“Wereyouactuallycoldlastnight?”heaskedabruptlyashezippeduphissleepingbag.Christielooked
athimquickly,glancedaway.Shehesitated.“Beforeyouwokeup,”headded,hisfaceimpassive.Her
heartachedasshethoughtoftheflirtatiouscommentsshecouldmake,wantedtomake.

“Notreally,”shelied,notwantingtoadmittheuncomfortablecoldinherthinsleepingbagthatshehad

packedsohastilyinAuckland,notthinkingthroughthefactthatevensummernightsontheislandwould
becolder.Sheshookherheadslightly,realisingagainhowmuchherusualhabitofplanninghadfallen
awayintheshockofPaulandAmanda’sbetrayal.I’lljustwearanotherjumpertonight,shethoughtto
herself.

ChristierealisedBlakehadwalkedacrosstheroom,pickeduphersleepingbag,wasrubbingit

betweenhisfingersandthumb.“What?”shesaiddefensively,onedge.Blakeshrugged,puttingher
sleepingbagbackonthebunk.Christiepickeditup,startedrollingitup.

“Where’sthebag?”heasked,clearlystillwatchingher.
“Itdoesn’thaveoneanymore,”shesaid,self-consciousasshenoticedBlake’ssleepingbag,sawit

wasobviouslytopoftherange,fittedintoanimpossiblysmallstoragebag.Andyetwassowarm,she
thought,herself-consciousnessincreasingashermindveeredbacktothenight.“Ihaven’tbeentramping
foryears,”shemuttered,hastilystuffingitintothebottomofherpack.

“Soyousaid,”hecommentedneutrally.
FortyminuteslaterChristiewasreadytoleave.Shehadputherpackon,ignoringthestabof

disappointmentasBlakemadenomovetohelpher,seeminglyfocusedcompletelyonpackingawaythe
cookeronwhichhehadcasuallyofferedtocookthembothporridge,makingabsolutelynoreferenceto
thenightbefore,eatinginrelativesilence.

NowallChristiewantedtodowasheadoff,getawayfromBlake’sunnervingsilence,histense

watchfulness.Shehadlookedagainathermapoverbreakfast,planningthetrip,andthetiming.Blakehad
expressedpoliteinterestinherplans,subsidedintosilenceagainwhenshedisagreedwithhissuggestion
aboutthetimingssheshouldallow.Sheshookherhead,thinkingbackasshewalkedtowardsthebay,
turningslightlyasBlakecaughtupwithher.

“Imightseeyoubackatthepub,”shesaidpointedly.
“Youmight,”hesaid,refusingtorespondtoherrudeness.Shequickenedherpace;heeasilymatched

it,seemingcontenttowalkinsilence.Avertingherheadslightly,Christiewalkedpastthedunes,herheart
poundingatthememories.ThesilencelengthenedasBlakestayednexttoher,acoldandremotestranger.

Eventually,thebayopenedupbeforeher,theoceansparklinginthemorningsun,thefoamonthe

waveswhippedupinthelightbreeze.Again,thestarkbeautyofthebaycaptivatedChristie.Shestopped,
noticingasmallaircraftapproaching,wonderingwhereitwasgoing.“Myfriends,”Blakesaidshortly.
“They’lllandonthebeach,”hecontinued,anticipatingherquestion.“Stayandwatch.”Christieshookher
head,suddenlyuncertain.Blakehadbeencold,barelypoliteallmorning;shewasintenselyawareofthe

raw,unfamiliarenvironment.Herusualconfidencefledasshelookeddownthespectacularbeach,
Blake’spresencesuddenlyunbearablypainful.

“Uptoyou,”Blakesaid,inwardlyfuriousthatshehadhardlyacknowledgedhimallmorning.“After

all,you’vegotsuchabusyday.”

Christie’sheartlurchedathiscuttingtone.“It’snotthat,”shesaidquickly,andthenstoppedabruptly,

realisingwhatshehadsaid.Blakelookeddownather,noticingherexpressiveblueeyeswereunguarded,
troubled.Inaflashofperceptionhesawtherewasnomaliceinthem,onlyconfusion.

Hetriedagain.“Theplanewillbelandinginafewminutes.Stayandwatchitfromhereifyouwantto,

thenyoucanheadoff.”Still,Christiedidnotmove;Blakewatchedher,silentlyadmiringherfigure,her
longlegsasshebalancedontheslopingsand.Andlastnighthehadagainnoticedherquickmind,her
obviousintelligence.Hehadalwayspridedhimselfonstayingonestepahead,yetwithChristie,thiswas
aconstantchallenge.Shedidnotseematallunnervedbythesolotramp,wasobviouslywellprepared.
Apartfromhersleepingbag,hethought,aslightsmileonhisface.

Christieshrugged.“I’llkeepgoing,watchtheplaneontheway.”
Ofcourseyouwill,Blakethoughtsilently.Becausethat’stheexactoppositeofwhatIsuggested.

“Seeyoulaterthen,”hesaidcasually,turningtofocusontheapproachingplane,watchingherwalkaway
outofthecornerofhiseye.

—#—

Christiereturnedtothehutlatethatafternoon,moreconfusedthanever.Onlyyesterday,Paulhadstill

intrudedregularlyonherthoughtsasshetriedtocometotermswithhisbetrayal.Sheshiveredasshe
thoughtofthevividdreamlastnight.Andyettoday,Paulhadbeensweptoutofhermind;herthoughts
werefilledwithBlake,withtheeveningtheyhadshared.Withthenight.

EvenasChristiereachedTheGutterattheverytipofthebay,sawtherawpoweroftheoceancurrent

throughthenarrowchannel,allshecouldthinkofwasBlake,wishinghewaswithher,wonderingifhe
hadbeentothisplace.Shehadlingeredinthearea,amazedatthesizeofthesanddunes,theremote
landscape.Eventuallysheturnedbacktowardsthehut,stillhearingthewavesbreakingalongtheshoreat
thetipofthebay.

Christie’smindveeredbacktoBlake,reluctantlyacknowledgingtoherselfhowunfairshehadbeento

him.Evenlookingaroundthebay,recallingseeingthekiwis,remindedherinexorablyofBlake,atthe
bay,showingherthekiwis,cookingherdinner.Keepingherwarm.Verywarm,Christiethought,blushing
assherealisedthepathherthoughtsweretaking.Again.

Ishouldhaveexplained,shethoughtnowasshesearchedforafreebunk.Sherealisedshehadnoreal

ideawhatBlakefelt.Lastnightmaybe,butafterthismorning…allbetsareoff.AndlastnightI
couldn’tmakeupmymind.Shecursedherindecisiveness,thelingeringhurtshestillfeltoverPauland
Amanda’sbetrayal.I’mjustnotready,shethought,weighinguptheseductiveideaofaflingwithBlake,
hissenseofhumour,hisincrediblegoodlooks,acknowledgingtheoutcomewouldsimplybemore
heartbreak.

—#—

Christiespentarelaxingeveningatthehut,cookingdinner,talkingtoothers.ThoughtsofBlake

intrudedateveryturnassherememberedthedinnerhehadcookedforthemboth.Shefellinto
conversationwithalocal,Mark,fascinatedbyhisstories,takenabackashequietlyconfidedthereason
forhistrampingtrip.

Otherseventuallyjoinedtheconversation;afriendofMark’stogetherwithothertourists.Christie

relaxedinthefirelight,asenseofcalmnesscreepingoverher.Ihaven’tthoughtofPaulallevening,she
realised,relieved.InsteadshesatlisteningtoMark’shuntingstories,madeconversationwithsome
Australianbackpackers.AsMarkcontinuedtotalkknowledgeablyabouthuntingsheinterjected,guiltily
tryingtofindoutmoreaboutwhatBlakewouldlikelybedoingovertheweek.Markansweredher
questionsindetailalthoughChristiewascarefulnottomentionBlakebyname.

Christiereturnedtoherbunknotlongafterwards,consciousofneedingtobeatFreshwaterLandingby

latemorningthefollowingdaytocatchthetide.Automatically,shereacheddowntoherpack,recoilingin
surprise,sittingabruptlyonthebunk.Hermindrefusedtoacceptwhatshehadseenasshefrantically
thoughtbacktothemorningwithBlake.HerfirstthoughtwasconcernforBlake,followedbyguiltanda
spiralling,dangeroussenseofhope.

Shereacheddownagain,pullingthecompactbagoutofthecompartmentofherpack.Blakehad

clearlydeliberatelyswappedhersleepingbagforhis,takingherold,wornsleepingbagonanextended
huntingtrip,leavingherwithhiswarm,top-qualitybagforonenightinahut.Sheshookherheadin
wonder,herheartalternatingbetweenhopeandfearassherememberedherearlierdecisiontoavoid
furtherheartbreak.

Withoutstoppingtothink,Christiequicklyreturnedtothemainroomasanideatookhold.Urgently,

sheaskedMarkseveralmorequestions,tryingtoworkouttimes,wonderingifwhatshewantedtodowas
evenpossible.“Christie,thehunters’huthasafiretoo.Huntersusuallyreturnthereeverynight.Whydo
youwanttoknow?”

Christiehesitated.“Afriendleftsomethingwithme,”shesaid.“Accidentally.AndIthinkthey’llneed

it,”sheadded,blushinginthesubduedlightofthehut.Markwatchedher,politelynotaskingfordetails.

“Blakeshouldbefine,”hesaideventually,surprisingher.“I’msurehe’sgotallthegearheneeds.”

Toolate,ChristierealisedthatMarkseemedtoknowBlake,thatthesmallislandcommunitywouldhave
instantlypairedherwithhimonthebasisofonedinner.

ShelookedatMark,embarrassedbutdetermined.“It’shissleepingbag,”shesaidafterapause.Mark

raisedhiseyebrowsslightlyasasmiletuggedathismouth.“Iwon’task,”hesaiddryly.

Hewassilentforamoment,thenspoke.“I’mheadingdownthebeachtomorrow,”hesaidquietly.

Christienodded,realisinghewasreferringtothetragicstoryhehadtoldherearlier.“Ifyouwalkdown
thebeachwithmeI’llpointyouinthedirectionofthehut.”Henamedthetimetheyshouldleave,smiled
atthelookonChristie’sface.“Itisearly,”hesaid.“Butthenyou’vegottobacktrack,comebackthrough
heretothejetty.”

Christieshrugged.“IwanttogetthesleepingbagtoBlake.Anearlystartdoesn’tworryme.”Shewent

backtoherbunk,herheartpoundingunreasonablyassheburrowedintoBlake’ssleepingbag,hersenses
awhirlpoolofmixedemotions.Shechokedbackahalflaugh,realisingthatnotonlywashersleepingbag
abasicmodelitcouldnotpossiblybetherightsizeforBlake’stoweringheight.Herungraciousandrude
wordsfromthemorningplayedonhermind;sheeventuallyfellasleep,wokeintheearlydawn,
determinedtofollowthroughwithherplan.

ChristiestruckupaneasyconversationwithMarkastheywalkeddownthebeach;thankinghimashe

directedhertothepathwhichwouldleadtothehunters’hut,repeatedthedirectionshehadgivenher
earlier.DeterminedtofindBlake,Christiefollowedthepath,steppingonsomedrydriftwoodthat
snappedunderherweight.Sheheardarustleintheundergrowthasthoughananimalwasrunningaway
followedbyabluntoath.Christieturnedquickly,unnerved.Twohuntersstoodthere;sheswallowedat
theirgrimexpressions.

“I’mlookingforBlake,”shesaidfirmly.
“Whoelse?”sheheardoneofthehuntersmuttersarcastically.
“BlakeRyan,”sheadded,rememberinghislastname.
“Andwe’relookingfordeer,”thesamehuntersaidtersely.“Nearlyhadone,too.”

ThesecondhuntersmiledatChristie,makingaslightdismissivemotionwiththeflatofhishand.“I’m

surethere’llbemore,”hesaideasily,steppingforward.“Scott,”hesaid,introducinghimself.“Youwant
Blake,heshouldbe—”

“Here,”Blakesaid,comingdownthepathwithsuchstealthChristiewasamazed.Feelingawkward,

realisingshehadruinedthehunters’shot,Christielookedathimsilently,herfaceflaming.Whycan’tthis
beeasy,shethought.“Howdidyougethere?”Blakeasked,shockedatChristie’sarrivalandawareof
howearlyshemusthaveleftthemainhut.

“Walked,”Christiesaid,notansweringhisquestion.SheheardScott’squietlaugh,sawtheslowburn

inBlake’sexpression.

“Thattellsmealot,”hesaidtersely.
“Thatwastheintention,”Christieretortedwithmocksweetness.“ImetMarkyesterday,hegaveme

directions,”shesaideventually.

“Youhavebeenbusy,”heresponded,hisvoicedeceptivelypleasant.
Christietookadeepbreath,suddenlydesperatetotalktoBlakeratherthantradebarbs.“Iwasn’tcold

atalllastnight,”shesaid,ignoringalowwhistlefromthedirectionofBlake’scompanions.

“Andwho’stothankforthat?”Blakeaskedcoolly.
Christieglaredathim.“Blake,please.Thankyouforwhatyoudid.Itwasn’tnecessary,butthankyou.”

Hisfacerelaxedslightly,buthiseyesremainedguarded.“Itcan’thavebeenbigenoughforyou,”she
added,smilingslightlyasshesawScottgrinningather,holdinghisflathandoutfromjustbelowhisribs,
silentlymimingwherehersleepingbaghadreachedonBlake’sbody.Blakeswunground,followingher
gaze,strugglingnottolaughhimselfasherealisedwhatScottwasdoing.

BlaketurnedbacktoChristie,shrugged.“Atleastitwasn’tpink,”hesaidflippantly,deflectingher

commentwithhumour.

WheneverItrytotalktohimhejokesaround,shethoughtdesperately.Andwheneverhetriestotalk

tomeIjustclamup.Shespokewithdifficulty.“Ididn’twantyoutobecoldfortheentireweek,I…”Her
voicetrailedoffasshewatchedhisface,acutelyawareScottandtheotherhunterweremovingaway.

Blakeshruggedagain,disguisinghisamazementatherearlymorningappearancesimplytoreturnhis

sleepingbag.“IwouldhavewalkedovertothemainhutthismorningifIreallyneededit,”hesaid,not
tellingherhehadinfactbeenabouttowalkbacktothehunter’shuttocollectherbagbeforewalkingto
themainhuttocollecthis.Andtoseeher.

Christie’sheartsankatBlake’simpersonaltone;silently,sheacknowledgedthegapingchasmbetween

them.Whenhehadappearedafewminutesagoshehadfeltfaintwithlonging,seeingBlakeforthefirst
timeinhiskhakiovercoatandhuntingtrousers,noticingthedistinctstubbleonhisface.Evennowher
eyesstrayedtothegunslungoverhisshoulder,realisingshehadneverseenonebeforeshehadmet
Blake.“It’snotloaded.Andthesafety’sonanyway,”hesaid,seeingthedirectionofhergaze.

“Ofcourse,”shesaidquickly.“Imean,Iwouldn’tknowwhat’sonthegunornot.”
“Therifle,”hecorrectedsoftly,explainingthemechanics.Christiemadeanotherremark,instantly

blushedasshesawthelookonBlake’sface,realisedthedoublemeaningofhercomment.“I’mnotsaying
anything,”hesaid,obviouslystrugglingtokeepastraightface,hiseyesteasingher.Christie’ssenseof
awkwardnessincreased;sherememberedtheotherhunter’scomments,feltcompletelyoutofplaceeven
asshefoughtherattractiontoBlake.

Blake’seyesnarrowedashewatchedChristiehunchhershoulders.Hewonderedwhathadupsether

somuch,totheextentthatshecouldnot,wouldnotevengentlyflirtwithhim.Andwhyshouldthatbea
surprise,hethoughtbitterly.She’sbeencoldtomeeversinceyesterdaymorning.Atleast,headded
silently.“YoushouldprobablybeheadingbacktomeetIan,”hesaidgruffly.

Christienodded,defeated.“Blake,I—”
“Don’tworryaboutit,”hesaid,assumingshewasgoingtothankhimforthesleepingbagagain.

“Letmefinish,”Christiesaidfirmly.“Iwantto—”
“Youwanttowhat?”Blakeinterrupted.“Finallydecidetoloweryourselftotalktome?”Heknewhe

wasbeingunfairbutcouldn’thelphimself.“Letmewatchyoutalkingtoeveryotherpersoninthehut,on
thewatertaxi?GetescorteddownherebyMark?ButassoonasI—”

“That’snottrue,”Christiesaid,hervoicelowassheheardthehurtinhisvoice,knowinghehada

point.“Blake,wehaddinner,wewentkiwiwatching,wesharedabunk.Becauseyouwantedto,”she
couldn’tresistadding,shockedassheheardherownwords,rememberinghowdesperatelyshehad
wantedtobeclosetoBlake,thefeelingofwakingupheldcloseinhisarms.

ToolateshenoticedthecoldangerinBlake’sface.“Yeah,youreallydidmesuchabigfavour,”he

saidsarcastically.

“No,youdidmethefavour,Blake.Ididn’tmean—”
“Sure,Christie.Likeyoudidn’tmeantovirtuallyignoremeyesterdaymorning.Youdidn’tmeantosay

—”

“You’vemisunderstoodme,Blake.Pleaseletmeexplain,”Christiesaid,steelingherselftotellBlake

aboutPaulandAmanda.“AndIdidmeetMark,yes.ButonlybecauseImentionedI’dwalkedfurther
downthebeach.Sohewantedtotalk,talkabout…”Shehesitated,sensingthatwhatMarkhadtoldher
wasnotsomethinghesharedreadily.“Hewasgoingtowalkalongthebeachtoday.”Sheamendedwhat
shehadbeengoingtosay.

“AndIcantellthatevennowyou’renottellingmeeverything,”Blakeaccused.Hemadeaneffortto

moderatehisvoice.“Christie,IknowyoutalkingtoMark,towhoever,isinnocent,butwhynottalktome
thesameway?Youcan’tevenbestraightwithmeaboutwhatyousaidtoMark.”

“BecauseIdon’twanttobetrayMark’sconfidence,”sheburstout,surprisinghim.
“Fairenough,”hesaid.“Soundslikethetwoofyouhadquiteatalk,”headded,amazedthatMark,

whowasusuallysoprivate,hadtoldChristie.Inthatmoment,ChristierealisedthatBlakeknewalso.She
noddedandhiseyessoftenedslightly.

“AndIfeltguiltylastnightwhenIrealisedwhatyou’ddone.MarktoldmehowIcouldfindyou,

pointedoutthetrack.”

“Youfeltguilty?”Blakeechoed,watchingherintently.
“Yes,”shesaid.“Ithoughtyou’dbecoldallweek.”
Blake’seyesflickedawayandbacktoChristieagain,disappointmentfloodinghimasherealisedshe

wastalkinginapracticalsense,ratherthanabouthercoldbehaviourthepreviousmorning.“Wellyoucan
stopfeelingguiltythen,”hesaid,hisvoiceunreadable.“You’vedischargedyourduty.”

Christienoddedsilently,realisingshehadexplainednothingofsubstance,merelyparriedBlake’s

questions.“Iwantedtotalktoyou,”shesaid,tryingonefinaltime.

“You’vehadsomuchtimetotalktome,Christie.AndI’vetried.Butit’slikegettingbloodfroma

stone.”Thefinalityinhisvoicemadeherheartclench;shecouldnotspeak.

“Arewegoinghuntingornot,mate?”Christieturnedassheheardthesurlymalevoice,seeingthe

hunterwhohadcomplainedwhenshefrightenedawaythedeer.Herthroatachedwithunshedtears;she
lookedupatBlakeafinaltime,knowingsheneededtoleavetocatchthewatertaxi.

“You’dbetterheadoffthen,”Blakesaid,notknowingwhatelsetosay,howtogetthroughtoher.“I’m

goinghunting.”

Christienodded,glancingatthedunesinthedistance,tryingtobringherselfundercontrol.“Itwas

onlybecause—”

“What?”Blakeinterruptedharshly.
Becauseyoumeanmore,Christiefinishedsilently.“Thankyouagainforthesleepingbag,andfor

everythingtheotherevening,”Christiesaidinstead.“Everything.”Sheturnedabruptlyandwalked
quicklydownthetrack,notwantingtobreakdowncompletelyinfrontofBlake.

Blakewatchedhergo,exhaling,uncomfortablewithoutknowingwhy.HeheardGregcomplaining

again,roundedonhimsavagely,swearingbluntly.Idon’tknowwhothehellinvitedGregalong,Blake
thought,hisinstinctivedislikeoftheothermanincreasing.HecouldseeChristiewasstillwalkingswiftly
downthetrack,roundingaslightcurve,almostoutofsight.Shewantedtotellmesomething,herealised.
AndIkeptinterrupting.

IgnoringGreg,Blakestrodeupthetrack,catchinguptoChristiealmostimmediately.Sheswung

around,obviouslysurprisedassheheardhimsayhername.Shocked,hesawshehadbeencrying.
“What?”shesaiddefensively,embarrassedthathecouldseehertears.“Youweregoinghunting.AndI’ve
gottogetgoing.”

“Bambicanwait,”hesaidirreverently.
“Notaccordingtoyourfriend,”Christiemuttered.
Blake’seyesnarrowed.“Scott?”hequeried,rememberinghehadheardScottintroducehimself.
Sheshookherhead.“Itdoesn’tmatter,”shesaid.“Idoreallyneedtogetgoing,Blake.”
“Youwantedtotellmesomething,”hestated.

Christieshrugged,hereyesdefeated.Hefoughttheurgetotakeherinhisarms,consciousofhisrough

attireaftertwodaysandnightscamping.“You’vesaiditall,Blake,”

shereplied,notwantingtoadmithowshefeltinthefaceofhiscoldness,awareofhismasculinescent,

thestubbleonhisfaceemphasisinghisdarkeyes.

“That’sitthen?”hesaidabruptly.
“Whatmoredoyouwant?”shesaid,anedgeofbitternessinhervoice.Unabletostophimselfhe

steppedcloser,lookingdownather,standingsonearshecouldseethecoarsewoolofhisjacketcollar,
thestrongcolumnofhisneck.Hergazecreptupwards.Unbidden,shehalfraisedherhand,wantingto—

“Agoodbyekiss,”sheheardBlakesay,hisvoicedeep,rough.
BeforeshecouldreactshesensedBlakemovecloser,unslinginghisrifleandlayingitdownonthe

tussock.

“Blake—”
Hisstronghandsmoveduptounclipthestrapofherpackacrossherchest;Christiehadasudden

intensememoryofhiswordstoherontheferry.“Forgottogetmysleepingbag,”hesaidsoftly.“Andit’s
inyourpack.”Histouchbrushedoverthefrontofherthickwoollenjersey,seemingtoburnthrougheven
thefinemerinotopunderneath.

“Whyareyouundoingthe…”Christie’sbreathstrangledinherthroatashishandsmovedlower,

snappingopentheclipacrossherhips.

“SoIcandothemupagain,”Blakereplied,laughter,desire,inhisvoice.Effortlessly,heeasedthe

packoffhershoulders.Again,Christiesaidhisname,hardlyrealisingshehadspokenoutloud,aware
onlyofBlakestandingclosetoher,thedistantroarofthewavesfromthebay.Christielookedupathim,
movingcloserimperceptibly.Shefeltthestubbleonhis

cheekasheturnedhishead,pullingheragainsthim,kissingherhungrily.Christiereturnedhiskisses

ardently,clingingtohisheavywooljacket,pressingagainsthim.

Blakekepthisarmsaroundher,holdinghertightlybeforerelaxinghisembrace.“SoI’llseeyouwhen

Igetback,”hesaid,tryingtobecasual,instantlyregisteringhertense

reaction.“Toreturnyoursleepingbag,”headdedquickly.“It’sbackatthehut.”Christierelaxed

slightly,suddenlyrelievedshedidn’thavetoexplaindespiteherearlierresolve.Sheknewitwasfartoo
soontobeinanotherrelationship,evenacasualone,whichBlake’scommentsclearlyhintedat.More
likespelledoutinveryclearwords,Christiethoughtwryly,unabletoclearhermindofthespiralling
desireshefeltforBlake,belatedlytryingtodisguiseherfeelings.

Paul’sfacesuddenlyfilledhermind;herquicklyindrawnbreathmadeBlaketilthisheadtolookdown

ather,frowning.Reluctantly,feelingstrangelyempty,Christiestraightenedup,steppedoutofBlake’s
embrace.“Ishouldgo,”shemutteredwoodenly.Blakenoddedsilently,stungbyhercontinuingrejection
despiteherinitialreactiontohisembrace.Bloodfromastone,herepeatedtohimselfsilently.

Withoutspeakinghemovedovertoherpack,discardedonthegroundonlyafewminutesago.

Mechanically,heunzippedthelowercompartment,removedhissleepingbag,putittooneside.Christie
movedovertowardshim,reachedforherpack.ShestilledatthelookonBlake’sface,knowingshehad
upsethim.Suddenlyintenselyweary,shestoodasBlakeheldthepackforhertoslideherarmsthrough
thesidestraps,thememoryofhishelpontheferry,hiswordsonlyafewminutesago,threateningto
overwhelmher.

Blakemovedtostandinfrontofher;beforehecoulddoanythingmore,Christiedeliberatelyreached

upherselftofastenthestrapsacrossherchestandhips,thedecisivesnapofeachcliploudinthesilence
betweenthem.ShewatchedasBlakeslunghisrifleoverhisarm,reachedforhissleepingbag,quietly
appalledatherownbehaviour,knowingsherichlydeservedthecoldlookheslantedatherbeforehe
walkedoffwithoutanotherword.

—#—

ChristiewalkedintotheclearingatFreshwaterLandingjustasIanthrewtheropeoverthewooden

postonthejetty.Thetrampbacktomeethimhadpassedinablur.WithnotimetolingeratMasonBay
shehadwalkeddownthebeachasifinadream,staringblindlyatthecrashingsurfasshereplayed
Blake’swords,herownbehaviour.

ShespoketoIanforseveralminutes,minimisingBlake’spresence,emphasisingtheincrediblescenery.

AsshemechanicallyansweredIan’spolitequestions,Christie’smindwasstillonBlake,realisinghestill
hadtoreturnhersleepingbag.I’lltalktohimthen,shedecided,notwantingtoleavethingsbetween
themastheywere.ChristiewasuncomfortablyawareofthegrainsoftruthinwhatBlakehadsaidasshe
agonisedagainoverhowtoexplainherself.MaybeIshouldn’tsayanything,shedecidedsuddenly,as
thewatertaxibumpedagainstthewharfatGoldenBay.Blakewilljustdropoffthesleepingbagatthe
hotelandthatwillbethat.Icanhardlyexpectanythingmore,shethought,rememberingthecoldnessof
hiswords,herowncontrarybehaviour.Anexplanationwon’tfixthings.

Again,IanhelpedChristiewithherpack,notcommentingonhersuddenblush.SoonChristiewasback

atthecrib,lookingforwardtoahotshowerandacomfortablebed.Exhausted,shefellintobedearly,
thoughtsofBlakefillinghermind.SomuchforPaul,shethoughtsleepily.MaybeIwilltalktoBlake.

—#—

Thenextdayatthehotelwasahazeofpeopleandroutines;Christiewasrelievedassherealisedit

wasalmosttheendofhershift.Smiling,shehandedroomkeysandcopiesofatouristmapoftheislandto
twomiddle—agedwomenwhohadjustcheckedin.Theysmiledback,stillpreoccupiedwiththeirown
conversation.Christiefocusedonwhatsheneededtotellthenextreceptionist,onlyhalflisteningtowhat
thetwowomenweresayingastheywalkedupthestairs.

“She’ssothrilled,”Christiecouldhearoneofthemsay.“They’vebeentryingforsolong,andshe’sso

lucky,nomorningsickness.”

“Really?”theotherwomancommented.Christiefroze,feelinglikeicecoldwaterhadjustwashed

overher.

“Shesaystheworstthingisjusttheconstantexhaustion.”Dimly,Christieheardtheirlaughter.
“Notasbadasmorningsickness,I’llbet,”oneofthemcommented,theirvoicesfinallyfadingasthey

reachedthetopofthestaircase.

Shakingviolently,Christiegrippedthedeskforsupport,hermouthdry.Herstomachswirledwith

nerves.Whatif?Whatif?Hermindrepeatedthesamewordsoverandoveragain,rememberingtheutter
shockofthebreakup,rememberingthewayshehadfeltsince.Theoverwhelmingtiredness,theother
signsshehadblamedongriefandstress.Suddenlyhermindcleared;shestraightenedup.Iwasusing
contraception,Christieremembered,almosthyperventilatingasshethoughtback.ButIshould—She
tensedatherreplacement’scheerfulgreeting,excusingherself,almostboltingoutofthefrontdoorofthe
hotel.

ChapterFive

Anhourlater,Christiefumbledtoopenthedoorofthecrib,breakingdownintearsassheblindly

stumbledthroughthelivingroom,fallingontothebed.Noticingherobviousdistressthenursehadbeen
practical,sympatheticasthetestconfirmedChristie’spregnancy,suggestedshemakeanappointmentto
seeadoctorinInvercargillforacheck-up.

Now,asrealitysetin,Christiestartedtoquestionwhatthebestcoursewas,unabletostopherthoughts

asalternativesspunthroughheroverwroughtmind.ButIcan’tdoit,shethoughtbrokenly.Ican’thavea
termination.Shewincedasshethoughtoftheeuphemism.Freshtearsoverwhelmedherasshethoughtof
Blake,desperately,irrationally,wantinghimtobetherewithher.Likehewould,shethought,distraught.
Hewouldonlywantacasualhookup,he…Christiewept,agonisingmemoriesofBlakejokingwithher,
holdingher,fillinghermind.

Nowsuddenly,herlifewasgoingdownadifferentpath,evenifasmall,barely-heardvoiceinsideher

hadwantedasummerromance,acasualrelationshiptoforgetthehurtofPaulandAmanda.Noweven
thatpossibilityhadbeentakenfromherastheshadowofherpregnancyfelloverher.HowamIgoingto
cope,shewondered,herthoughtstwistingendlesslythroughthenight.

TheeveningwithBlakeatMasonBaytauntedherwiththevividnessofhermemory,onlytobe

replacedwithimagesofPaulinthefirstheadymonthsoftheirrelationship,hiscallouswordswhenhe
toldheraboutAmanda.ChristieknewshewouldhavetocontactPaul,atleastlethimknow,butthe
followingdaysbroughtnorelieftoherexhaustedmind.Shebarelygotthroughworkeachday,relyingon
adeepcoreofprofessionalismbutspendingeverysparemomentsortingthroughplansinhermind.
ChristieavoidedLisa,makingvagueexcusesanddelayingrepliestoLisa’stextmessages.

Eventually,LisacorneredheratthereceptiondeskinfrontofMurray,insistingChristiejoinherand

othersfordrinksonSaturdaynight.Trapped,notwantingtosayanythinginfrontofMurray,Christie
noddedquickly.Guiltfilledherasshethoughtofthewinesshehaddrunk,oblivioustoherpregnancy.The
resultsofthefurtiveInternetsearchesshehaddoneattheInternetcaféhadterrifiedher;shewondered
whatLisawouldsaywhenshesawChristiedrinkingjuice.Ihavetotellhertoo,sherealised,knowing
LisawouldtellBlake,dreadingthereaction.

Again,Christieleftthehotelquicklyattheendofhershift,wantingtoreturntothecribtothink.She

staredmindlesslyatthetelevision,realisingshewasatleaststartingtorecoverfromtheinitialshockand
startingtomaketentativeplans.ChristiestillhadnottoldPaul,knowingthephonecalltohimwould
makeitallreal.Sheheardaknockatthedoor,lookedaroundquickly.Herheartleaptandthenrelaxed,
reasoningthatBlakewasmorelikelytogotothehotelthancallintothecrib.EspeciallyafterthewayI
behaved,shethought,amirthlesssmileonherface.

ItwillbeLisa,Christiethought,dreadingopeningthedoortoherfriendandherbluntquestions.She

reachedforthefrontdoorhesitantly,steppingbackabruptlyasitwasforcefullypushedopen.“Christie,
whatisgoingon?”SheclosedhereyesbrieflyatBlake’sdirecttone,theshockofseeinghiminfrontof
hermakingherthroatachewithyetmoretears.I’mnotreadyforthis,shethoughtweakly.Ijustwantto
curlupinaballand—“Answerme,”hesaid,steelinhisvoiceashesteppedintothecrib.

“I’mfine,”Christiemanaged.Blake’seyesrakedoverher,assessing,relentless.
“Spareme,”hereturned.“Nextyou’llbetalkingaboutporridgeandtheweather.”Hestrodeintothe

lounge,notwaitingtobeinvitedin.Casuallyhesetthesleepingbagdownononeofthechairs.

“Thanks,”Christiesaidtonelessly,hermindfilledwithmemoriesofMasonBay,oftheeveningwith

Blake,returninghissleepingbag.Ofhimkeepingherwarm.Dangeroustearsthreatened;sheblinkedthem
away.Hestoodintheroom,stillwatchingher,hisfaceunreadable.“Howdidhuntinggo?”shesaid
lamely,wantinghimtoleave.Wantinghimtostay,wantingtothrowherselfinhisarms.Idon’tknowwhat
Iwant,shethought,panicked.Andheisgoingtofindout,whetherItellhimornot.

“Reallywell,”hesaidbriefly.“Apartfromonemorning,whentherewasadistraction.”Christiesaw

thewarmthinhiseyes,warmththatdisappearedsoquicklyshethoughtshehadimaginedit.

“Soyourfriendsaid,”shemanaged,barelyabletocopewithBlake’spresenceletalonetrytoflirt

withhim.

“Forgethim,”Blakesaidroughly,surprisingher.“ScotttoldmewhatGregsaid;hetakeseverything

tooseriously.”

Christietookadeepbreath.“Actually,I’mnotfeelingthatwell,Blake.SoI’llletyouheadoff.But

thanksagainfordroppingoffmysleepingbag.AndforeverythingatMasonBay.”Unabletocontinueshe
simplylookedaway,bitingherlip.

“Sothat’swhyyouignoredmethisafternoonbythehotel?”Hisvoicewascool.
“Ididn’tevennoticeyou,Blake,”Christiesaid,hersurprisegenuine.
“Anotherwinformyego,”hemuttered,justloudenoughforhertohear.Christielookedupathim,her

heartbreaking,knowingthatwhatevershesaidnow,therewouldbenofutureforthem.

“Soyou’renotwell.”Blakerepeatedherwords.Sheshookherhead,notknowingwhattosay.He

lookedouttowardsthebay,knowingChristiewasnotbeingcompletelyhonest,notbelievingher.“The
islandrumourmillhasyougoingintothemedicalcentrewaitingroomafewdaysago.”Christietensed
withshock,dimlyrememberingthecrowdedwaitingroom,realisinganyonetherecouldhaveknown
Blake.

“Whyaskmeatall?”shesaidwithdifficulty.“Youcanjustrelyongossip.”
“Iprefernottodothat,”hesaidquietly,notmentioningthathisfriendhadalsothoughtChristiewas

upset.Christieremainedstubbornlysilent.Blaketookastepclosertoher.“Wegottothepartwhereyou
weren’twell.Andyoumighthavebeentothemedicalcentre.”Hisvoicewaslow,dangerous.“Butdon’t
bothertellingmewhat’sgoingon.”

Christieheardhiswords,rememberedhiscommentswhenshehadreturnedhissleepingbag.She

knewsheshouldjusttellhimtogo,lethimfindoutthroughtherumourmill.Itdoesn’tmatteranymore,
shethoughtbleakly.PartofherstillhopeddesperatelyforBlake’ssupport,forthebenefitofhispractical
clearmind.Idoneedtotellhimnow,sherealised,bracingherself.

“I’mpregnant,”Christieblurtedout,terrorrushingthroughherasshesawtheshockinBlake’seyes.

Shewaitedforhimtosaysomething,anything,soshecouldgaugehisreaction.

“Congratulations,”hesaidhoarsely,blindedbyhurt.“Ididn’trealiseyouwereseeingsomeoneonthe

island.”BeforeChristiecouldreacthelaughedbitterly.“Somethingtherumourmilldidn’tpickupon.”

“I’mnot,”Christiewhispered,stunnedathisautomaticassumption.
“WellIknowit’snotme,Christie.Iguessthat’swhyyouwouldn’tsleepwithme.”Blake’stone

becamederisive,sarcastic.“Eventhoughwedidactuallysleeptogether.”

“No,”Christiesaidfirmly,realisingwhateveranswershegavewouldangerhim.“Ididn’tknow,

Blake,untilafewdaysago.”Shelookedupathim,pleadingwithhereyes,notwantinghimtothinkshe
hadknownbutnottoldhim.

“Christie,”hesaiddeliberately,“youcan’thaveitbothways.Yousayyou’veonlyjustrealised,but

youhaven’tmetanyoneontheisland.Getyourstorystraight,atleast.”

“Idohavemystorystraight,”shesaidwithdignity,inwardlyflinchingathistone,thelookinhiseyes.

“Justgo,Blake,please.”Shelookedathim,hisimposingheightdwarfingthesmallroom,hisjeansand
casualshirtonlyemphasisinghisfit,tonedbody.

“Withpleasure,”hesaid,takenabackbyherinherentstrengthanddignity,despiteherobviousdistress.

Withoutanotherwordheturned,stridingawayfromher,wrenchingopenthedooranddisappearinginto
thenight.

—#—

Christiesatwithagroupofstafffromthehotel,tryingtotakehermindoffherpregnancy.Cautiously

sippingatajuice,shefeltoutofplace,unabletorelatetothehappyatmosphereintherestofthegroup.
ShehadnoticedLisaglanceatheracoupleoftimes,mademoreofanefforttojointheconversation.
Blakehadwalkedpastearlier;ashehadstoppednexttoLisa,Christiehadbeenunabletolookathimfor
anylengthoftime,takingagulpofjuice,herhandtremblingslightly.

HerfacehadburnedasshehadheardBlakemakeajokingcommenttoLisa,seenhimcasuallyputhis

handonhershoulderasLisalookedupathim,laughingathiscomment,herdarkeyessparkling.Blake’s
eyeshadbarelyflickedoverChristie,hisgazecold,impersonalashecontinuedtotalktoLisa.
Eventually,atLisa’spointedlook,BlaketurnedtoChristie.

“Hello,Christie.Howareyouthisevening?”Hispolite,almostformaltonemadeanothergirlinthe

grouplooktwiceatthemboth,obviouslycurious.

“Fine,thankyou,”Christiesaidbriefly,registeringtheothergirl’slook,awareofthedarkdepthsin

Blake’sgaze.“Howareyou?”sheaddedpolitely.Inclininghishead,Blakesaidnothingfurthertoherand
leftshortlyafterwards,walkingovertojoinagroupacrossthepub.

Christie’shurtonlyintensifiedovertheevening;theconversationofthegroupbecomingablurasher

worryincreased,theexchangewithBlakeplayingonhermind.Lisahadjustleftthebartomakeaphone
callawayfromthenoisycrowdandChristielookedaround,resolvingtosayhergoodbyesandfindLisa
outside.ShecaughtaglimpseofIanacrossthebar,apparentlyalsopreparingtoleave.

“Stayforonemore,”theguywhohadbeensittingnexttoChristieurged.“Onemorejuice.”Helaughed

unpleasantly,tooloudly.Christieshookherhead;shehadfoundhimhardtotalkto,consciousthathehad
obviouslybeendrinkingbeforeheevengottothepub.Shestoodup,stillworried,preoccupied,frowning
toherselfashecontinuedtomakeloudremarksaboutherleaving,hiscommentsincreasinglycrude,even
asshefirmlytoldhimtostop.

Christiesensedothersatanearbytableturningtoseewhattheproblemwasasherworkmatesalso

urgedhimtobequiet.Shesteppedawayfromthetable,relievedasshesawbothIanandMark
approaching.Bothofthemobviouslyrealisedwhatwashappening;Marksteppedclosetoher,glancing
acrossthepubbriefly,shepherdingherawayfromthetablesilentlyassheheardIanspeaktothedrunken
patrontogetherwiththebarstaff,hisairofquietauthoritysoberingtheothermaninstantly.

Christiestartedtofeeldisorientatedassherealisedtherowdinessofthepubwasfading,dimlyheard

Lisa’sconcernedvoiceastheywalkedintothefoyer.“Mark,Idon’t—”shesaidweakly,collapsing
againsthim,barelyawareofstrongarmsliftinghereffortlesslybeforeeverythingwentblack.

—#—

Christieopenedhereyesgroggily,heardIan’sgruffvoicetalkingto—Blakewascarryingher!She

tensed,triedtofocusonBlake’sface,hisdarkeyeslookingdownatherasherealisedshewasconscious.
“JusttakingyoutoIan’splace,Christie.Hiswife’saretirednurse,andanothernursewillmeetusthere.”

“Ijustfainted,Blake,”shesaidsoftly.Coldfearinvadedherasshethoughtofthebaby,Blake’s

reaction,thefacthewascarryinghernow.Sherepeatedherself,becomingmoreandmoreawareof
Blake’sbody,soclosetoher,hisdistant,impersonaltone.

“Fine,”hesaidgruffly.“SortitoutwithValerie.”Christiewaveredonthevergeofconsciousness,

blackedoutagain.Whenshewokeupshewasinabed,fullyclothed.Immediately,shesensedshewas
notalone,sawaladysittinginachairacrosstheroom,heardherintroduceherselfasValerie,Ian’swife.

“You’llbefine,Christie.You’rejustverytired,Isuspect,andneedtotakethingseasy.”Christie

thankedher,wonderinghowtoaskaboutthebaby.Valeriesmiledreassuringly.“Blakesaidyou’re
pregnant,thatyou’veonlyjusttoldhim.Thebabyseemsfine.AtfirstIwasconcernedthatyoumightbe

miscarrying.Buteverythinglooksgood.”

Christiebarelyheardthereassuringwords.“Blaketoldyou…”
“Privately,”theotherwomanemphasised.“Onlybecausehewasconcernedaboutyouandthebaby.”

Christie’smindwhirledassherealisedwhatValeriewassaying,theassumptionshehadmade.That
Blakehadmade.

“I’mnearlythreemonthspregnant,”Christiesaid,noticingtheshockValeriecarefullyconcealed

behindaprofessionalmask.

“Well,Blake’sbeenwaitingoutsidewithIan,untilrecently,anyway.Ithinkhe’sjustleft.Letmeseeif

Icancatchhim.”ShesmiledatChristie.“Andofcourseyou’vehadMarkwaitingaswell,andLisa.
Quiteasupportcrew.”ShelefttheroombeforeChristiecouldprotest,returnedtoconfirmBlakehad
gone.

“Christie.”SheturnedasValeriespoketoher.“Iwouldpreferthatyoustayedwithusforafewdays

untilyoucatchuponsomesleep.I’mgoingoverontheferryearlyonTuesday,whydon’tyoucomewith
me,gotothedoctorforathoroughcheck—up?”

Christienodded.“Thankyou,”shesaidquietly.“I’llgetmyrosterchanged.”
ValeriepulledherchairclosertoChristie’sbed.“Now,Christie,”shesaidinamoremotherlytone,

“what’sallthisaboutapregnancy?”Christieburstintotears.

—#—

Fourdayslater,Christiewasfeelingmuchbetterphysically,hadbeentothedoctor,startedmaking

plans.Thefinancialimplicationswerehuge;Christiehadworriedendlesslyabouthowtosupportababy
shehadresolvedtokeep,despiteeverything.Shedidnotthinkshecouldstayontheisland,buttherents
inAuckland,inTauranga,theonlyplaceshehadrelatives…Againandagainshehadbeenthroughthe
figures,tryingtoworkouthowlonghersavingswouldlast.

Shebitterlyregrettedthesixmonthcontractshehadsoblithelyaccepted,neverdreamingshewas

pregnant.WithPaul.Whohadonlyreactedwithscorn,angerwhenshehadcalledhim.Evennowhis
contemptuouswords,hiscommentthatshewassimplybeingneedy,ranginherhead,shockingher.There
wouldbenosupportthere,sherealised.Andherparents,onanextendedtripofalifetimearound
Australia…therewaslittlepointinmovingbacktoTaurangaintheirabsence.

AtValerie’surging,shehadlookedintopaidparentalleave,realisedshewouldnotqualify,lookedat

othergovernmentassistance.Thesavingsshehadwouldcomfortablyseeherthroughifshewascareful.
I’lljustneedtokeepworking,savingaslongasIcan,shetoldherself.

Lisahadcalledintoseehereachdayafterwork,obviouslyconcerned,unawareofthereasonChristie

hadfainted.LisahadcasuallypassedonMark’sbestwishes,waswhollysilentaboutBlake.Christie
cautiouslytookLisaintoherconfidence,knowingBlakewouldtellheranyway,thatherpregnancywould
soonbecommonknowledge.StillhurtbyAmanda’sbetrayal,Christiesharedonlythebareminimumof
information;wassurprisedandtouchedbyLisa’simmediateunderstandingandsupport.

Gradually,ChristiefoundherselfdiscussingmoredetailswithLisaasLisatactfullyaskedabout

Christie’splans,hercircumstances.“Idon’tknowyet,”Christiesaid,tryingtobematter-of-fact.Lisahad
pressedherforspecifics,instantlyrealisingthefinancialimplications.

ChristiefoundherselfreflectingonLisa’swordsasshewalkedalongthepromenadeafewdaysafter

shehadreturnedtothecrib.ChristiewasdoubtfulaboutreturningtoAuckland;hercareerwastherebutit
wouldmeanstillseeingPaulandAmandaprofessionally,payingcityrentsandpriceswhilesupportinga
newborn,untilshecouldworkagain.Dully,Christierealisedthatthelifestyleshewouldhavewitha
newbornwouldhardlymeshwiththatofherfriendsinAuckland,themajorityofthemstillcareer
focused,planningtravel,socialisingheavily.

Christiehadcontactedherformeremployer,askingaboutcontracting,workingremotely,soundingout

options.AtleastthatwillgivemesomeflexibilityaboutwhereIlive,shethought.Sheremainedanxious
aboutwheretomoveto,tryingtoweighuptheprosandconsofdifferentlocations.Shethoughtofher
tramptoMasonBay;itseemedalifetimeagoyetitwasindeliblyetchedinhermind,togetherwith—
Blake.

Christiewalkedfurtheralongthepromenade,headingforoneofthewornwoodenpicnictables,

wantingtositandlookoutovertheharbour,watchtheboats.Shetookaseat,watchingtheferryarrive,
thetouristsspilloutontothewharf,waitingfortheirluggage.Shecaughtherbreathasatall,distinctive
figureshoulderedapack,movedpastthedawdlingtourists,knowingitwasBlake.Blake,whohadnot
visitedheratalldespitecarryinghertoIan’splace,apparentlyconcernedenoughtowaitwithIanbutnot
tomakeanyfurtherenquiryortovisither.Likehewould,shethoughtsilently,thinkingbacktowhathe
hadsaid,whatheobviouslythought.

Christieremainedseated,knowingBlakewouldsimplywalkpast,wasunlikelytonoticeher,not

wantingtodrawattentiontoherselfbygettingupanddeliberatelycrossinghispath.Sheturnedtolookout
tosea,findingittoopainfultowatchBlake,evenfromadistance.Theseagullsandlargemollymawks
dippedandflewonthebuffetingbreeze;shewatchedthemsettleonthechoppywater,theirfeathers
ruffledastheypreenedthemselves.Asalways,herpregnancyintrudedonherthoughtsassheagain
weighedrentalpossibilities,triedtothinkthroughpracticalities.

“IjustthoughtI’dseehowyouwere.”ItwasBlake,standingtothesideofthepicnictable.Christie

turned,smiledpolitely,coveringhershockathisapproach.

“I’mfine,Blake.Thankyouforyourhelptheothernight.”Hemutteredanacknowledgement,asked

abouttheincidentinthepub.Christiefrowned.“Itwasjustsomedrunkenguy,nobigdeal.Anyway,Ian
andMarkcameover.”

BlakeflinchedashereadChristie’swordsasacriticismofhisownlackofsimilarassistance,still

upsetwithhimselffornotrealisingwhatwashappeninguntilMarkhadcaughthiseye,evenashetold
himselfhecouldnothaveheardwhatwasbeingsaidfromacrosstheroom.Hethoughtofthecomments
MarkhadmadewhiletheywerebothwaitingforthenursetoexamineChristie,makingBlakeawareof
theseveralquestionsChristiehadaskedMarkabouthuntingatMasonBay,herdeterminationtoreturnthe
sleepingbag.“ItoldherIwasn’tgoingtoask,”MarkhadfinishedwithaperceptivelookatBlake.Blake
hadmadesomeflippantcomment,tooworriedandconfusedtoreallytakeonboardwhatMarkhadbeen
tryingtotellhim.

OblivioustoBlake’sinterpretationofherwords,Christiefellsilent,noticinghistenseness.“Ithought

thatguywaswhyyoufainted,”hecontinued,tryingtoarticulatehisconcern.

Christielookedathim,hereyebrowsraised.“Hewasdrunkandmadeafewstupidcomments,that’s

all.IanandMarkhappenedtobewalkingpasttoleave,andtheyheardwhathesaidandsorteditout.”
Sheshrugged.“Ifaintedbecauseofmypregnancy.WhichyouhelpfullymentionedtoValerie.”

“Ihadto,Christie,”Blakesaidmatter-of-factly.“Surelyyoucanseethat.ForallIknew,itcouldhave

beenaproblemwiththebaby.”Anotherthoughtstruckhim;inhishurtandconfusionhevoiceditwithout
thinking.“AndI’vegotnothingtogainbyspreadingthenews;mostoftheislandwillthinkI’mthefather
anyway,”hesaid,thinkingofMark’ssilenttact,Lisa’srefusaltoleavehimwaitingatIan’splaceby
himself.

“I’malmostthreemonthspregnant,”shesaid.Shesawemotionflareinhiseyes;helookedaway

briefly.

“Idon’tneedtoknowdetails,”hesaidneutrally.ChristielookedatBlake’sface;hiseyesweredistant,

guarded.

“Sodidyouthink…”Hervoicetrailedoffasshestruggledtoformherthoughts.Hewaitedsilently.

“Saysomething!”Christieburstout.

Blakeshrugged.“Whatdoyouwantmetosay?”hesaid,stillinthatneutraltone.
“Whatyou’rethinking!”sheresponded.“DidyouthinkIwouldn’ttellyou,ifIknew?Or…”She

stopped,herheartsinkingatBlake’sapparentdisinterest.Again,hewaited,notpromptingher,simply
watchinghersilently,hisdarkeyesstillguarded,unreadable.Desperately,Christiethoughtbacktothe
rawemotionBlakehaddisplayedwhenshehadtoldhimaboutherpregnancy,theanger,thewounded
pride.Nowbycontrast,Blakewascold,distant,almostformal.Christierealisedwithashockthatthe
completeabsenceofemotioninBlakenowwasinfinitelymoreunnerving.Shetriedagain.

“Findingoutwasashockforme,”shestarted.
“Sothat’swhyyoudidn’ttellme?”heasked.
“No!”Christieexclaimed,desperatetomakehimunderstand.
“Idon’tbelieveyou,”hesaidcoldly.“Youmusthaveknown.Ifyouarealmostthreemonthspregnant.”
“Blake,”shesaid,suddenangerwellingupinher,“IhavetoldyouthatIdidn’tknow.Youwere…”
Shestoppedasheturnedabruptly,lookedaway,obviouslypreparingtoleave.“Christie,doesallthis

reallymatter?Wehardlykneweachotheranyway.Ifyouwanttokeepsecrets,thathastobeyourcall.”
Hiswords,hisuseofthepasttensedevastatedher.

“Ihavebeenhonestwithyou,Blake,”sheemphasised.“Butitseemslikekeepingsecretsisthewayto

go,ifthisishowyou’llbe.”

ChristieclosedhereyesasBlakewalkedawaywithoutsayinganythingmore.Atleasthedoesn’t

realisehewasthefirstpersonItold…Alreadyshell-shockedaboutthepregnancyChristiefoundhis
lackofunderstanding,hisabruptexit,almostunendurable.Ibarelyknewhim,sheacknowledgedto
herself.ButI…Tearsseepedfromhereyesasheremotionsoverflowed.Gradually,shebroughtherself
backundercontrolasshewalkedbacktothecrib,startingtothinkaboutthebabyagain,continuingto
plan.

—#—

KnowingshecouldnotaffordtogetsidetrackedthinkingaboutBlake,aboutwhatmighthavebeen,

ChristietentativelystartedmakingenquiriesaboutspecificrentalpropertiesinAuckland,unableto
musteranyrealenthusiasmforareturntothecitythatheldsuchpainfulmemories.ThevastnessofMason
Bayhadstirredsomethinginher;nowshefacedapurelypragmaticdecision.Lisaraisedthesubjectof
herpregnancyfromtimetotimeoverthenextfewweeks,clearlystillthinkingaboutChristie’ssituation.

Now,Christierelaxedonthesofaofthecrib,staringunseeingatthenightsky,thebrightstars.I’vegot

tofigurethisout,shethought,suddendoubtassailingherastherealityofthepregnancyhither.
Mechanically,shereachedforherphoneasitrang,suddenlyfocusingontheblacknessofthebaybelow
her,belatedlynoticingthestarsglitteringinthesky.

ChristieforcedanimationintohervoiceassherealiseditwasLisa,politelyagreedasLisainsistedon

callingintoseeher,wonderingwhatcouldbesourgent.TenminuteslaterLisawassittingopposite
Christieonthesofa,askinghowshewas,clearlyburstingwithnews.Christiewaitedexpectantly.

“Haveyoufoundsomewheretostayyet?”Lisaasked.Christieshookherhead,explainingshewasstill

weighingupwhattodo.“Ihaveapossibility,”Lisainterrupted.“Somethingtothinkaboutanyway.It
mightnotbeexactlywhatyouwant,buthearmeout.”Christienodded,willingtoconsideranythingatthis
point.“HousesittinginQueenstown,”Lisaannounced.

Christiegaveherascepticallook.“TherentsinQueenstownmustbe—”shesaid,stoppingasLisa

interruptedfirmly.

“Iaskedyoutohearmeout!It’snotrenting,it’shousesitting.Andit’sactuallyanapartment.My

friend’shusbandhasajobtransfertoDubai.”Lisapaused,watchingChristie.“Andit’sforayear.They
wanttoholdontotheapartmentatthisstagebutdon’twanttorentitouttoatotalstranger…”Lisa

continuedtogiveChristiedetails;explainingtheownersmightcomebacktostayforaweekorso
occasionally,thatithadtwobedroomsandastudyaswellascentralheating,wouldbefullyfurnished.
“Andyou’donlyhavetopaypower,getalandlineifyouwantedto…They’releavinginafewmonths,so
thetimingwouldwork,”Lisaadded.“I’mgoingbacktoArrowtownforthewintertogetworkontheski-
fields;wecouldkeepintouch.Afterayear,ifyoudidn’tlikeit,youcouldmoveaway,andifyoudid—”

“Icouldlookforsomethingelseinthearea,”Christiesaid,feelingakernelofhopeinsideherforthe

firsttimesinceherpregnancywasconfirmed.“OnceI’mbackonmyfeetfinancially.”

“Yes,”Lisaagreed,smilingatChristie.“Andthiswouldsaveonoutgoingsinthemeantime.Yousaid

rentwasyourbiggestworry,financially,Imean.”

Christiecouldhardlybelieveit,wasamazedattheopportunity.Silently,shecalculatedhowmuchshe

wouldsaveonrent,realisedshecouldstillworkremotelyfromQueenstown.Nervously,sheregistered
thelocation,realiseditwasinthesameareaasthewinerywhereBlakeworked.Shecouldremember
everywordBlakehadtoldheraboutthewinery;guiltily,shewonderedhowfaritwasfromQueenstown.
Likeitmatters,shethought,concealingherfeelingsassheaskedLisaaboutherownworkontheski—
fields,thefriendsthatownedtheapartment.“They’releavingtovisitDubaitomorrow,”Lisaexplained.
“Buthaveathinkaboutit,Christie.They’renotexpectinganinstantanswer.Whydon’tyou—”

“Lisa,please,”Christieinterrupted.“It’stheonly…”Shepaused,stilltakingtheincredibleoffer.

“Thankyou.I’dbevery,verykeen.”

Lisanodded,obviouslypleased.“IknowyousaidyourparentsweretravellinginAustralia,butthey

couldcometostay,andyou’lllovetheQueenstownarea,Christie…”Lisacontinuedtalking
enthusiasticallyaboutthelocation.“I’mgoinghometoArrowtowninacoupleofmonthsforafamily
wedding,”shesaid.“Whydon’twetraveluptogether,stayaweekorso?Youcanseetheapartment,get
yourbearings.”Christienodded,thankingLisaagain,takingdownherfriends’e-mailaddressandcontact
details.

ChapterSix

Twomonthslater,onagloriousJanuaryday,LisadroveChristiealongtheedgeofLakeWakatipu,

seeingQueenstowninthedistanceacrossthewater,thehugelakeglisteninginthesummersun.Christie
hadgratefullyacceptedLisa’sinvitationtostaywithherparentsinArrowtown,waslookingforwardto
seeingtheapartment,exploringthearea.

ChristiehadspokentwicebytelephonetoLisa’sfriends,sentandreceivedfriendlye-mailsconfirming

thearrangements.“They’vetravelleduptoWellingtontoseerelativesbeforeheadingoverseas,”Lisa
explainednow.“Anyway,theyleftmewiththesparekey,saidIcouldshowyouaround.”

—#—

Thenextday,afterChristiehadmetLisa’sparentsandsettledin,Lisasuggestedtheydriveinto

Queenstown,seetheapartmentandhavealookaroundthetown.Filledwithtrepidation,Christiestepped
forwardintotheapartmentasLisaopenedthedoor.TearsofamazementfilledChristie’seyesasshe
lookedaroundthespectacularapartment,rightincentralQueenstown,theexpanseofLakeWakatipu
clearlyvisiblefromthehugepicturewindowthatdominatedthespaciouslivingarea.SheturnedtoLisa,
incredulous.“Really?Thisistheapartment?”Christiesankontooneofthesofas,crying,suddenly
overcomewithrelief.

“Christie,whatisit?”Lisaasked,movingquicklytowardsher.
“Iwassoworried,”Christieexplainedthroughhertears.“Ididn’tknowwhatIwasgoingtodo…

findingsomewheretostay.Thingsarefinallystartingtoworkout.”Lisanodded,obviouslytouched.
Christiecontinuedtoexploretheapartment,realisingshecouldinitiallyputthebaby’scotinherroom,
leavethesecondbedroomforhermother,workinthestudy.Theapartmentwasperfectandinan
unbelievablelocation;Christierealisedshecouldeasilywalkwiththebabyalongthelakeside.

ShelistenedasLisaexplainedthecentralheating,thesecurity,theparking.“Bettertobehereintown

forthewinterthanupinthesuburbs,”Lisasaid,explainingwherethesupermarketswere.“Easierforthe
lettingagenttocomearoundfordinner,too.”ShegrinnedatChristie.Smilingbackatherfriend,Christie
thoughtagainhowluckyshewasthatLisahadarrangedallthis,thateverythinghadfallenintoplace.
Christielookedagainaroundtheapartmentastheyleft,comparingittothefunctionalinnercityboxesshe
hadbeenenquiringaboutrentinginAuckland,stillunabletobelievehergoodfortune.

—#—

ChristiewalkedtowardsthemainstreetofArrowtown,lookingforwardtoexploringtheshopsinthe

historicarea,seeingtheArrowRiver.Lisahadgonetospendtimewithherfather’sextendedfamilyinthe
leaduptothefamilyweddingthatwasnowonlytwodaysaway.ShehadsuggestedChristielookaround
ArrowtownandQueenstown;althoughLisahadtakenhercar,shehadsaidshewouldkeepintouch,could
collectChristielaterfromQueenstown.

Theweatherwasspectacular;theskyavividblue.AsChristiereachedthemainstreetshesawthe

quaintpub,theperfectlypreservedbuildingsthatmadeArrowtownlooklikeanoriginalgoldrushtown.
Shesawashopsellingnurserygearandclothing,hesitatingbeforeentering.Ineedtostartlookingat
thesesortsofstores,Christiethoughttoherself.Nervouswithoutknowingwhysheself—consciously
flickedthroughtheracksofclothing,admiringtheclothes.

Disappointed,Christiequicklyrealisedtheexquisiteclotheswereexpensive.Icanstilllook,she

thought,inwardlyclampingdownonhersuddensadness.AndIcouldbuythebabyoneoutfit,ifIsaw
somethingIreallyliked.Shedeclinedtheshopassistant’spoliteofferofhelp,noticingothercustomers

enteringthestore.Christielookedaroundafinaltime,realisingaboutiqueshoplikethiswashardlythe
typeofstorethatsheneeded,unabletoshakethefeelingofbeingoutofplaceasshelookedaroundthe
pasteldisplays.

Christieleftthestoreabruptly,continuingtowindowshop,stoppinginfrontofafineartstore.The

southernscenesinthewindowmadehercatchherbreath;withoutpausingtothinkshewentin,wantingto
seetherestofthepaintings.Severalminuteslatershereturnedtoadmiretheartworkinthewindow
displayagain,smilingasshesawaviewofLakeWakatipu,halfawareofthesamewomenwhohadbeen
lookingatbabyclothesnowgoingintotheartstore.

Christielookedupassheheardanoldermanexclaimgood-naturedly.“Andnowthey’vegonetolook

atpaintings!That’sit.I’mwaitinginthepubwithacoldbeer.Thentheycantakeasmuchtimeasthey
want.”AninvoluntarysmiletuggedatChristie’smouthassheheardthetypicalmasculinedislikeof
shopping.“Leadtheway,”theothermanwithhimsaid.

Shemovedaroundtotheotherwindowoftheshop,realisingthiswasadisplayofwatercoloursrather

thanoils,couldstillheartheoldermantalkingashemovedovertositonabenchinthecourtyard.“We’d
betterwait,Isuppose.Blakesaidhe’dmeetushere.”Christiefroze,herheartpounding.Coincidence,
shethought,chidingherself.Idon’tneedtopaniceverytimeIhear—

“Hello,Christie.”Christielookedaround,instantlyrecognisingBlake’ssardonicvoice.Sheremained

silent,hermindgoingblankassheregisteredBlakestandinginfrontofher.SawthecasualjeansandT-
shirt,hisfacelightlytannedfromthesun.Seeinghimagaincausedarushofemotiontoswampherasshe
foughtthememories.ThroughamassiveeffortofwillChristieeventuallymanagedtoreturnhisgreeting
casually,unabletodraghergazeawayfromhiseyes,sodarkandunreadable.

“Invitedsomeonealongtolunch,haveyou?”theoldermanenquired,ashewalkedovertowardsthem.

HeintroducedhimselftoChristie;withashocksherealisedhewasBlake’sfather.Shereturnedhis
greetingautomatically,introducingherself,consciousonlyofBlake’ssilence.“Couldn’tyouhavemade
moreofaneffortforyourmother’sbirthday?”Blake’sfathergesturedtoBlake,clearlyreferringto
Blake’scasualclothesyetunabletocompletelydisguisehisunderlyinggruffaffectionforhisson.

Blakeshrugged.“I’mhere,aren’tI?”Theoldermannodded,aflashofsorrowinhiseyes.Christie

frowned,sensingthesadnessinBlake’sfather,noticinghiscarefullycamouflagedshockatherpregnancy.
Uncomfortable,sheturnedtoBlake,searchingforapolitewaytoexplainthesituationtohisfatherand
extricateherselffromtheassumptionsthathadbeenmade.BeforeshecouldspeakBlake’sfatherexcused
himself,hurriedintotheartshop.Belatedly,Blakeintroducedhertotheothermanlingeringbythebench;
Blake’sbrother-in-law,Christierealised.

“Blake.”Christielookedupathim,certainherheartwasabouttobreak.“Yourdad’sgotthewrong

idea—”

“Nokidding,”Blakesaid,ahintofamusementinhisvoice.“Braceyourselfformymother.”Christie

repeatedhisnamewithmoreforce,uncaringofBlake’sbrother-in-lawwatchingthemboth.

“Youcan’tletyourparentsthinkthatthisisyourbaby,thatyouinvitedmetoafamilybirthday

when…”Shebrokeoff,frustratedathisflippantattitude.SheswungaroundassherealisedthatBlake’s
fatherwasbackwiththetwowomenChristiehadseeninthebabywearshop.Shesawthetremulous
expressionontheolderblondewoman,theanxietyinherpaleblueeyes.Theassessinglookontheface
oftheyoungerblondewoman,herblueeyesandpetitestatureamirrorimageoftheolderwoman.

ChristiegreetedthembothpleasantlyasBlake’sfatherintroducedhiswifeanddaughter.Knowingshe

neededtosaysomething,takecharge,Christietookadeepbreath.“I’mactuallyjustsomeoneBlake
knowsthroughfriends,”shesaid,smilingatBlake’sfather.“ImetBlakerecentlyonStewartIsland.”She
shruggedlightly,callingonallherstrength.“I’mjustinArrowtownforaweek,mybabyisduesoon.I
thinkIsawyoubothinthatothershop?”

Exhaustedbyherspeech,herheartpounding,ChristiedidnotdarelookatBlake,felthimtensenextto

her.Butthere’snoreasonforthemtothinkwe’retogether,shethoughttoherself.Itdoesn’tmakesense.
Blake’sparentswouldknowwhohewasdatinganyway,surelyhewouldhavesaidsomethingtothem,
ratherthansurprisethemwithanobviouslypregnantgirlfriendathismother’sbirthdaylunch…

Clampingdownonherthoughts,ChristierespondedtoBlake’smother’scommentaboutbabyclothes,

preparingtopolitelyexcuseherself.Blake’sfathersmiledather.“Blakewillneedtoorderyoujuiceat
thewinerythen,”hesaid,shockingher.“Ihopeyou’llexcuseusallhavingsomethingabitstronger.”

“Afteramorningofshopping,ofcourse,”Christiereplied,unabletoresistthecomment.Sheheard

Blake’sbrother-in-lawlaughquietly.

Blake’sfathergaveheraquickgrin.“IthinkImightneeditwhileweallcatchupwithwhatBlake’s

beenupto.”

ChristieglancedatBlake,realisingitwasstillassumedhehadinvitedhertothelunch.Hiscomplete

silencechilledher.“Iwasjustoutwindowshopping,”shesaidpolitely.“Itwaslovelytomeetyouall.
Goodtoseeyouagain,Blake,”sheadded,almostchokingwithemotion.

“Pleasecometolunch,Christie,”Blake’smotherspokequietly,insistently.Christie’seyeswidened

slightlyassheheardtheinvitation,tryingtogaugeBlake’sreaction,bitterlyawarehestillhadnotspoken.

“Idon’twanttointrude,”shesaidhesitantly,tryingnottothinkofthepainfullyseductiveimageof

lunchwithBlake.

“Youwon’tbe,”Blakefinallyspoke,hisimpersonal,barelypolitetonecrushingher.“Anyway,we

shouldprobablygetgoing,tokeepourbooking.”

Blake’smotherturnedtohim.“IwashopingwecouldwalkdownalongtheArrowRiverforafew

minutesbeforewewenttolunch.”Blakesaidnothing.

“That’sagreatidea,”Blake’sfatherspokeintotheawkwardsilence.“Blakecanchangethelunch

booking,can’tyou,Blake?”

“Ofcourse,”Blakespokebelatedly,tookouthismobilephone.ChristiewalkedsilentlywithBlake’s

familydowntowardstheriver,waitingforBlaketocatchthemupafterhemadethephonecall.“Done.”
Sheheardhisvoiceasherejoinedthem.

“Thankyou,Blake,”hismothersaid.“ItjustseemslikeyesterdayIusedtocomedownherewithyou

whenyouweresmall…andRebeccatoo,ofcourse.Youbothusedtolovewatchingtheriver,throwing
stones…”Blake’smothercontinuedreminiscing,talkingaboutthetrackbytheriver,pointingouttoBlake
wherehisfavouritespothadbeenasachild.

Blake’sresponseswereminimal,instarkcontrasttoRebecca’slaughingcommentsandhisfather’s

storiesofBlakeandhissisterwhentheywereyoung.Itwasobviousto

Christietheriverwasaspecialplacefortheentirefamily,particularlyhismother.ExceptforBlake,

Christiethought,whoseemedillatease,almostdisinterestedinhismother’seffortstosharememories
withhim.

Eventually,theywalkedbackuptothemainstreet;stillstunnedattheturnofevents,Christiewalked

silentlywithBlakedowntheroad,climbedintothedustyoldwhiteutehepointedout.“Whereislunch?”
sheaskedeventually,wonderingaboutBlake’sexchangewithhisfather,noticingagainhisalmost
deliberatelycasualattire.

“Atthewinery,”Blakesaidbriefly.
“Whereyouwork?”Christieaskedunnecessarily.Henoddedonce,indicatedtoturnintoasideroad

andthenupasteepgraveldriveway.

Christie’sheartsankatBlake’sobviousimpatience,wonderinghowlunchwouldgo.Seeinghimagain

hadbeenunbelievableasanxiety,desireandregretwelledupinherinequalmeasure.Andhurt,she
thought,thinkingofhisfinalwordstoherontheisland.Sheturnedtohimasheparkedtheute,turnedthe
keyoff.Thedieselengineshudderedtoastop.

Blakecouldseehisparentsparkingtheircaracrossthecarpark,shookhisheadslightly,hisfather’s

wordsringinginhisears.Hisfather,whohehadalwaysrespected,wantedtoplease—despiteeverything
—seeingstraightthroughhischildishactioninnotevenbotheringtoputonafreshshirt.Hethoughtback
totheunexpectedphonecallfromhisfather,quietlyinsistingthatBlakeattendthislunch,bookthewinery.

AndthenseeingChristie,herclearintelligenceinstantlypickingupontheundercurrentsbetweenhim

andhisfamily.Hesworequietly,shutthedooroftheutewithtoomuchforce.HesawChristiewatching
him,herfacetilted,concerned.“Whatisit,Blake?”

Defeated,hemanagedasmile.“I’mjustonedge,worriedaboutlunch.”Hestoppedabruptly,appalled

athisownfrankness.

“Becauseofme?”heheardhersay.
“No,it’safamilything,”hesaidquietly,shockedChristiewouldthinkshewastoblame,ashamedat

hisownbehaviour.“Sorry,I’llseeyouinside.”Hewalkedaheadofher,disappearinginsidewithouta
backwardglance.

Christiefrowned,wonderingwhathadupsetBlaketotheextenthewassosullen,onedge.Knowing

shehadnoalternativeshewaitedpolitelyforBlake’sparents,walkedinsidewiththem,wonderingwhy
Blakehadracedahead.Thesmallschistbuildingwassetinmagnificentlandscapedgrounds,thefocusa
patiowithhugeumbrellasshelteringoutdoortables.

Christiecaughtherbreathasshelingeredbytheentrance,seeingthesurroundinghillscoveredinrows

ofgrapevines,vibrantgreeninthesummersun.Shewanderedaroundthefoyer,seeingthecellardoor,the
rowsofwinebottlesondisplay,theuniformedstaff.Thisisincredible,shethought,lookingoutagainat
thevines,lookingatthevineyardmapandtouristdisplays.ShesawBlake’sfamilywalkingoutontothe
patio;steelingherself,shemovedtojointhem.

“Sorryaboutthat,Mum.IrushedfromhomeintoArrowtowntomeetyou,didn’thavetimetochange.

Anyway,happybirthday.”ChristiewatchedinsilenceasBlake,nowdressedindarktrousersanda
fashionableshirt,leaneddown,kissedhismotheronthecheek.

“Youknowthatdoesn’tmatter,youalwayscutitfine,”hismotherresponded,smilingupathim.

“Thankyouforarrangingthislunch,Blake.”Hervoicefaltered;Christiewatchedalertly,remembering
Blake’sgrudgingwordstohisfather,demonstratinghisreluctancetobehere.Yethismotherseemedto
thinkthewholelunchwasBlake’sidea.Christieshookherheadslightly,tryingtoworkitout.

“Lookslikewe’llhavetoinviteChristietolunchmoreoften,”Blake’sfathercommentedquietlytohis

wife,seeingBlakehadchangedintodifferentclothes.Blaketensedasheheardhisfather’squietremark,
thankfulatleastChristieappearedtobeoblivioustowhathadbeensaid.

Hethoughtbacktohisterserequestsofthewaitstaff,thecellardoorattendant,wantingtosteerhis

waythroughthisfamilylunch,whichhadthepotentialtobeaminefieldonanumberofdifferentlevels
andcouldeasily…Blakeshuthismindtothepotentialconsequences,tryingtocalmhimselfbythinkingof
hisrecentdecisions,thecourseofactionhehaddecidedon;quicklyrealisingthiswasinfactpartofthe
problem.AllIcandoisseewhathappens.

HehadwantedtomakeagoodimpressiononChristie,againregrettingthecasualclotheshehadworn,

moretoirritatehisparents,childishlyproveapoint,thanbecausehegenuinelydidnothavetimeto
change.Hesworesavagely,silently,knowinghismotherwassopleasedtoseehimshewouldexcuse
anything,butuncomfortablyawareofthewayhehadbeenraised,thevalueshisparentshadtriedto
instill,knowingitwasthislackofrespectthathaddisappointedhisfather.ThentoseeChristie,allat
oncetheverypersonhewantedtosee,hopedtorunintoafterthetextsfromLisa,butalsotheverylast
personhewantedatalunchlikethis.

Christielookedatthemenu,acutelyconsciousofthescrapeoftheemptychairnexttoherasBlake

pulleditouttositdown.“Christie,whatwouldyouliketodrink?”heaskedpolitely,hisvoicelow.
“Theydohavepre-packagedfruitjuices.Orbottledwater.Theorangejuiceisfreshlysqueezedthough,
sowatchoutthere.”HerfaceflamedassheregisteredBlake’sreferencetohercautionatthepub,

relieveddespiteherselftoheartheslightteasinginhisvoice.

ChristierealisedBlake’sfatherhadoverheard,wasclearlywonderingwhatBlakemeant.Hopefully

he’llthinkit’ssomethingtodowiththebaby,shethoughtdesperately,hopinghewouldn’taskher
outright.SheturnedtoBlake,smiledathimpolitely,awarethatbothofBlake’sparentswerewatching
them.Shenamedabrandofjuiceshehadseeninthefridgeofthecellardoorareaasshewalkedin,then
pretendedtoimmerseherselfinthemenu,againunabletolookatBlakeforanylengthoftimewithout
revealingherfeelings.

“I’msurethere’ssomethingontherethat’ssuitable,Christie.Ifnot,Blakecanspeakwiththechef,get

somethingorganised.”ShewasconsciousofBlakelookingacrossthetableathisfather;hisfaceset.

Christieblushedagain,realisingBlakewasannoyedbyhisfather’ssuggestion,wouldhardlywantto

askhisworkmatestoprepareaspecialmealsimplyforher.“Itlookslikeagreatmenu,”shesaid
honestly,herheartlurchingpainfullyasshesawoneofthemealswasbluecod.“Whatwillyouorder?”
ShefoundherselfmakingconversationwithBlake’sfatherasBlakesatquietly,listeningtothemboth.

AsChristiesatintheshadeofthehugesunumbrellashegraduallystartedtorelax,enjoyingtalkingto

Blake’sfatherandthenhismotherwhoalsojoinedtheconversation.AcutelyawareofBlakeandhis
demeanoursherealisedthathetoowascalmer,morerelaxedandsheagainwonderedwhyhehadbeenso
concernedaboutthislunch.

Thekisshehadgivenhismotheratthetableonlyemphasisedthefacthehadnotspokenatalltohis

motherinArrowtownapartfromafewdesultorywordsbytheriver;hadnothuggedherorhissister;had
notgreetedhisfatherorbrother-in-laworshakenhands.

There’sobviouslysomefamilyproblem,Christiethought,findingthisrealityhardtoreconcilewiththe

genuinewarmthofBlake’sparentsandtheirclearlovefortheirson,eveniftheydidnotseemtohave
seenhimforawhile.

Christielookedupasthewaiterarrivedtotaketheirorders.Sheorderedthebluecod,hermindfilling

withmemoriesoftheeveningatthepubwithBlake,guiltilyacknowledgingthesensiblethingwouldhave
beentoorderthesummersaladshehadoriginallynoticedonthemenu,or,infact,anyothermealbutthe
bluecod.ShetensedasBlakeleanedtowardsher,casuallycommentedonherchoice.

Christietookadeepbreath,hearingtheteasingnoteinhisvoice.“I’vetrieditoncebefore,”shesaid,

recklesslyreferringtotheirmealatthepubontheisland,herheartpounding.“It’sgotabeautifulflavour.”
Blakegrinnedather,asuddenflashofwarmth,hiseyessparkling.Shesmiledasheorderedthesame
meal.

AsChristiehandedthemenubacktothewaitershecouldhearBlake’smothertalkingtoBlake,

obviouslykeentofindoutabouthistimeonStewartIsland,thrilledtoseehim.Christielistened,realising
Blakemusthaveonlyjuststartedfulltimeemploymenthereafterblocksoftimeontheisland.Shesmiled
toherselfathischangeofclothes,obviouslypromptedbyhisfather’scomment.Blake’smotherturnedto
Christie,drawingherintotheconversation.

“Blakementionedheworksoutinthisvineyard,”Christiereplied,indicatingtherowsofvines.“Isita

particularblock,Blake;canweseeitfromhere?”Blake’smothersatback,smilingslightly,glancing
quicklyatBlake.Frowning,ChristieheardaderisivesoundfromRebecca,Blake’ssister,only
confirmingherinstinctivecautionabouttheimmaculatelydressedandpresentedyoungwoman.Perhaps
Rebeccaistheproblem,Christiethought,unabletounderstandwhyRebeccawouldlookdownon
Blake’semployment,laughsoopenlywhenChristiereferredtoit.

Withoutwaitingforareply,ChristieturnedtoRebecca,determinedtobecivil.“Andwheredoyou

work?”sheaskedRebeccapleasantly.BlakeregisteredthesteelinChristie’stone;tookahastygulpof
wine,knowingwhatChristiewasdoing,knowingshehadmisinterpretedRebecca’sreaction.Knowinghe
shouldexplainandyetremainingsilent.

“Work?”Rebecca’sperfectlyshapedeyebrowsarchedassheregardedChristie.“Igotmarriedafew

monthsago.”ShenamedanexclusivelocalresortChristiehadreadabout.

“Awinterwedding,”Christiesaidpolitely,asuddenimageofherowncancelledweddingplans

flashingthroughhermind.

“Spring,actually,”Rebeccacorrected.“AndwewenttoAustraliaforourhoneymoon.”Shenamedone

oftheislandsoffQueensland;Christieassumedittoowasexclusive,anassumptionRebeccaonly
confirmedasshecontinuedtotalkabouttheluxuriousfacilitiesandspectacularscenery.Well,that
answersmyquestion,Isuppose,Christiethoughttoherselfwryly.

ShenoticedRebecca’sperfectmanicure,thebrightdiamondandgoldringonRebecca’slefthand;

unconsciously,Christie’shandcurvedaroundherstomach,thinkingofherbaby.Blakenoticed,spoke
flippantly.“Apparently,it’shardworkbeingmarried.That’swhyRebeccaleavesittotherestofustobe
gainfullyemployed.”ChristiesawBlakeandhisfatherexchangealook;shecouldhaveswornBlake’s
fatherwasstrugglingnottolaughatBlake’scomment.

Blake’smotherspokeagain;Christieturnedtoherpolitely,respondingtohergenuineinterestin

Christie’sownworkonStewartIsland.Blake’smotherfellsilentasChristiementionedhersingle
motherhood,theapartmentshehadbeenoffered;reachedforherwineabruptly.Frowningslightlyasshe
sensedBlake’smother’suncertainty,Christiesippedherjuice,pleasedwhenthemealarrived.

Christieturnedtheconversationtothewineryoverlunch,keentoknowmore,wassoondeepin

conversationwithBlake’sfatherasBlakeinterjectedcommentsoccasionally,holdinghisbreathashe
listenedtoChristie’svariousquestions,exhalingsilentlyasheheardhisfather’sreplies.Christierealised
Blake’sfatherhadstartedtalkingaboutanupcomingtriptoDunedinBlakehadmentionedatlunchearlier.
Christiesmiledpolitely,stillunnervedbyBlake’svirtualsilence,notcontradictingBlake’sfatherashe
assumedChristiewasalreadyawareofBlake’splans.

“YoushouldgotoDunedinwithBlake,Christie,”Blake’sfathersaid.“Havealookaround.”Rebecca

immediatelystartedtellingChristieaboutbabywearshopsinDunedin;Christietensedslightlyasshe
realisedtheshopsRebeccawasmentioningwouldnodoubtbeexclusiveboutiques.Christieresponded
neutrally,notwantingtoenterintocomplicatedexplanations,declineatriptoDunedininfrontofBlake’s
parentseventhoughshehadnointentionofgoingtoDunedinwithBlake.Andhehasnointentionof
takingme,shesaidsilentlytoherselfasBlakemadeabsolutelynocommentabouthisfather’ssuggestion.

ChapterSeven

Christielookedaround,wantingtopaythebillforhermeal.Thefooditselfhadbeensuperbbutseeing

Blakeagain,unexpectedlymeetinghisfamilyandsittingpolitelythroughRebecca’sunthinkingcomments
hadquietlydevastatedher.Shethoughtbackoverthemeal,Blake’sobviouspreoccupationwithsome
familymatter,theawkwardplayingofapartwhichnoonehadexplainedtoherandonlyunderscoredthe
futilityofhersecretdesireforBlake.Andthen,Blake’ssmile,hiswarmthwhensheorderedbluecod,the
chocolatedesserthehadorderedwithoutanyreferencetoherandtheninsistedshesharewithhim.

Politely,shemadeherexcuses,stooduptoleave,thinkingshewouldhavetoaskthewaitertocalla

taxifortheshorttripbacktoArrowtown.“Blakewillhavetoshowyouaroundthevineyardbeforeyou
go,”sheheardhisfathersay.SheheardRebeccastarttosaysomethingbutthensubsideasBlakeshother
afuriousglance.ChristiesmiledatBlake’sfatherashespoketoheragainacrossthetable,consciousof
Blake’smotherwatchingherintently.

Suddenlyuncomfortable,Christiewalkedovertothebararea,reachingforherwallet.Shefrowned,

confused,asthewaiterinformedhereverythingwastakencareof.Christieturnedaway,almostwalking
intoBlake.Hereachedouttosteadyher,touchedherarmbriefly.Herheartached;shequicklyblinked
backtears.“Blake,thewaitersaideverything’stakencareof.Ididn’texpect—”

“It’sallsorted,don’tworryaboutit,Christie.”
“Well,shouldIthankyourparents,itwasabeautifulmeal,I—”
“It’sfine,Christie,”Blakesaidfirmly.“Now,haveyougottimetolookaroundthevineyard,orI’ll

giveyoualiftbacktoArrowtown.YousaidatlunchyouweremeetingLisalater,whattime?”Numb,
Christierepliedautomatically,wantingtoseemoreofthewinery,followinghimoutsidetotheute.Blake
drovearoundthebackoftheschistbuildingwhereitwasobviousthetechnicalpartofthewinerywas;
Christiesawthevatsandemptywinebarrelsnexttoahugeshed.“Harvestinacoupleofmonths,”Blake
commented.

Hecontinueddrivingupagravelroad,headingupfurtherintothegentlyrollinghillsaroundthe

restaurantbuilding.“LikeDadsaid,I’mgoingtoDunedintomorrowforwork,”hesaidabruptly.Christie
nodded.“Ithoughtyoumightwanttotraveloverwithme,”hesaidneutrally.“Youcouldlookinthose
shopsRebeccamentioned.”

Christielookedoverathim,herheartpounding,fightingthebitternessrisingupinher.Shegaveashort

laugh.“Yes,that’saboutallIcoulddo,Blake.”

Suddenly,herealisedtearswereonhercheeks;alarmed,hestoppedtheuteabruptly,pullingoverata

vantagepointoverthevineyard.“What’supsetyou,Christie?”Ashamed,shelookedaway,brushingher
tearsawaywithherhands.

“I’mfine,”shesaidquietly.
“Youdon’tlookit,”hesaidbluntly.Christielookeddownatherlap,thenquicklyatBlakeashetook

outhismobile.SherealisedhewascallingLisa,tellingherChristiewouldbelate,thathewoulddrop
herbacktoArrowtownhimself.

“Iwon’tbelate,”shemouthedathim.Blakeignoredher,finishedthecalltoLisa,lookingoutoverthe

valleywhilehewaitedforChristietospeak.“IsaidI’mfine,”Christie

saidmutinously.“No!”hesaid,hisvoiceawhiplash.“AdrivetoDunedinisnotsomethingtocry

about.”Shecouldnotmeethiseyes,lookedoutthewindowatthestunningview.“Christie,”hesaid,the
toneofhisvoiceawarning.Hethoughtbackoverthelunch,whathadbeensaid,sworesuddenly.

Christielookedoverathim,alarmed.“Mysistercanbequiteself—involved,”Blakesaid,watching

hercarefully.Christietensed;watchingher,herealisedwhathadhappened.“Idon’tthinkitwouldoccur
toherthatnoteveryoneshopsatastorelikethat.”Christienoddedslightly.“Andshehasbeenplayingthe
happilymarriedcardquiteabitlately.”HesawfreshtearsinChristie’seyes,searchedforanappropriate

remark.“Youshouldhearmyfatherwhenhegetsgoingaboutit,”hesaid,tryingtogivehertheimpression
hewasinregularcontactwithhisparents.

Listeningtohim,Christierealisedhewastryingtoputherateasewithoutdirectlyaskingherabouther

savingsorpointingoutshewasnotpartofacouple.Shetookashudderingbreath,nodded.“Dunedinhas
quiteafewshops,Christie,”hecontinuedeasily.“Blake,stop.”Hewatchedherasshespoke.“Iknow
yourfatherdroppedyouinittoday.”Hiseyesnarrowedatherfrankexpression.“Idon’texpectyouto
takemetoDunedin,”shecontinued,tryingtoignorethelookonhisface,knowinghewasannoyed.“I’m
justgoingtolookaroundQueenstownandArrowtownforthenextcoupleofdays.”

Blakeshrugged,satback.“Uptoyou,”hesaid.“Asalways.”Christieflushedassheregisteredhis

vaguelysarcastictone.Shedidnotreply;thesilencedrifted.“Yousaidatlunchyouhadsomewhereto
stay,”hesaidsuddenly.

Shelookedathimquickly.“Yes,I’mstayingwithLisaatherparents’place,”shesaid.
“Imeantafterthebaby,”hesaid,afteranalmostimperceptiblepause.Christiecoveredhershockas

Blakereferreddirectlytothebaby,startedtotellhimabouttheapartmentshehadbeenofferedthrough
Lisa.Shecouldnotreadthelookonhisfaceasshespokeaboutherplans,explainingitwasfully
furnishedsoshewouldonlyneedgearforthebaby.

“It’sjustfortwelvemonths,”Christiecontinued.“Butitmeanslessoutgoings,whichwasmybiggest

concernbyfar.”Shesmiledwithouthumour.“AndI’vespokenwithmyoldbosstosetupsome
contracting,soIcangetsomedesignworkprojects.WhenthosecomethroughIcanworkfromdown
here,getmylaptopandotherstuffsentdownfromAuckland.”

Blakesaidnothingfurther,onlyincreasingChristie’sconcernabouthisvirtualsilenceatlunch,the

evidentwarmthshownbyhisparentscontrastedwithBlake’sownsullenattitude.Christiewascloseto
herownparents,wasuncomfortableatthewayhehadallbutignoredhismotherbytheArrowRiver;
therewasamomentwhenshewonderedifhewasgoingtoreplytoheratall.Unlesshewasjust
annoyedathisparentsinvitingmetolunch,shethought,immediatelyacknowledgingthatthiswaspart
oftheproblembutsurelynotthewholereason.

“Well,thisisthebestviewofthevineyard,”Blakeinterruptedherthoughtswithhisabruptwords.“So

ifyou’veseenenough,I’lldriveyoubacktoArrowtown,”headded,oneeyeonthevineyardworkers
walkingdowntowardstheute.Christielookedacrossathim,hurtbyhiswords,hisclearwishto
concludehervisitassoonaspossible.

Guiltily,shehadhopedforatour,anexplanationoftheindustrythatgenuinelyfascinatedher.Andtime

withBlake,hearinghimtalk,watchinghim.Instead,therehadbeenthisbriefdriveuptoavantagepoint,
Blake’soffhandcommentsabouttheupcomingharvestandhissuddenquestionabouttheapartment.

Knowingshecouldnothopeformore,Christienoddedpolitely,commentingontheview,agreeingthey

shouldreturntoArrowtown.Blakespuntheutearound,makingpolitesmalltalktocoverhis
disappointmentatChristieturningdownatriptoDunedin,herlack

ofinterestinseeingthevineyardwithhimafterallthequestionsshehadaskedhisfatheratlunch.
NoticingthecurveofChristie’spregnancywhenhefirstsawherinArrowtown,watchingherjoke

withhisfather,talktohismother,onlyservedtoincreaseBlake’sconfusionashewasforcedtoexamine
hisownbehaviourandthereasonsforit.Theknowledgethatthisfamilylunch,atthewinery,with
Christie,onabrilliantsummerdaycouldhavebeensomuchmore,wasbitter.Hewishednowhehad
talkedopenlyinsteadofrelyingonhisfathertoexplainthemechanicsofthewineindustry,hisentire
familytoshadethetruth,omitthingsonhisbehalf.

ChristiemutteredathankyouasBlakestoppedtheuteoutsideLisa’sparents’home.Hekepttheengine

running,obviouslynotwantingtostay.Lisa’smother,Brenda,cameouttogreetthem,smilingatChristie,
walkingaroundtothedriver’ssideoftheute.ChristiewasquietlyshockedasBrendagreetedBlake,was
metbyabarelycivilresponse.She’shurt,Christierealised,frowning.

Surprised,ChristiewatchedBrendacontinuetotalktoBlake,askingquestionsabouthiswork,his

family.Againhewascurt,dismissive,anunmistakableedgetohisvoice.Heseemedtoremember
Christiewasthere,clearlymademoreofaneffort;hisbodylanguagestillbetrayinghisimpatience.
ChristiewatchedBrendatrytogiveBlakeatupperwarecontainer.

“What’sthis?”sheheardBlakeask,histoneoffhand.
“Slicesofmychocolatecake,Blake,”Brendasaid.“Ithoughtyoumightlike—”
“Chocolatecake,”herepeated.“Howthoughtful.Givingthatawaytoo,areyou?”Hiswordshelda

hintofsarcasm.Christie’seyeswidened,uncomfortableatthesceneshewaswitnessing,tryingtoworkit
out.Notwantingtointrudeanyfurther,ChristiequicklysaidgoodbyetoBlake,lefttheute,walked
towardsthehouse.Brendawatchedhergo,turnedbacktoBlake.

“Youmakethissodifficult,Blake.Judgingme,judgingeveryone.”Brendaspokewithquietemphasis,

herdarkeyessnappingwithsuddenanger.Shestraightenedtoherfullheight,suddenlydeterminedto
speakhermind.“I’llsavemybakingforsomeonewhoappreciatesit.IhopeMarie’sbirthdaylunchwent
welltoday.Andthatyoudidn’tactliketoomuchofaspoiltbrat,forhersake,atleast.”

BlaketensedwithshockatBrenda’sbluntness.“Yeah,reallyspoilt,”hesaidderisively,tryingtocover

hishurt.“Withamotherthat—”

“Blake.”Brendaspokeoverhim,herfacepalingatBlake’stone,hiswords,whichsheknewwere

aimeddirectlyather.HefoundhecouldnotlookawayfromBrenda’seyes,knowingherexpressionso
well,knowingshewasfuriouslyangry.“Getoveryourself.You’reanadultnow.With—”shepaused,
obviouslyfightingforcontrol,“—parentswhohavealwaysthoughtthesunshinesoutofyou,despiteyour
selfishbehaviour.”

“Easyforyoutosay,”Blakeinterrupted,hishurtrisingtothesurface.“Andyouwouldknowallabout

selfishness.”

“No.”UntilheheardBrendaspeak,Blakehadnotrealisedonewordcouldcarrysuchemotion.“This

isnoteasyformetosay.Tothinkwhatmighthavebeen.IfIhadbeenmoreselfish.Notless.It’sdifficult
foryou,yes.AndIrealisethateveryday.Butit’sdifficultforme,too,andforyour…”Brendabrokeoff
suddenly.“Foryourparents,”shefinished,hermouthtrembling.“Lisatoldmewhat’sgoingon.You
haven’tbeenhonestwithChristie,either,haveyou?”Hereyesnarrowedperceptively.

“Ihavebeen…”Blakesaid,uncomfortable,hisvoicetrailingoff,foronceatalossforwords,

confrontedbyBrenda’semotion,herwordsstinginghisconscience.

“I’lltakethatasano,”Brendaspokecuttingly.“Sortitout.Orthinkabouttheconsequences.”Clearly

makinganeffort,shesoftenedhervoice.“Blake,youcouldhavethebestofbothworlds.”Sheturned
awaywithoutgivinghimachancetoreply.

BlakewatchedBrenda’stall,lithefigurewalkbacktowardsherhome,reachherhusbandstandingat

thedoor,sawherhusbandsaysomethingtoBrenda,puthisarmaroundher,watchedthemclosethedoor.
Hedrovebackinthedirectionofthewinery,agonisingoverBrenda’swords,eachoneofwhichhadhit
homelikeawell-aimedarrow,thinkingofChristie,ofherpregnancy,hisownchildhood.Brenda’s
partingcommentstayedwithhim;heacknowledgedhehadessentiallybaitedBrendaoverthelastfew
years,continuedtoneedleher;itwasnowondershehadsnapped.

Blakestrodebackintothewinerybuilding,foundhimselfunabletofocusonwork,thinkingofhis

mother’sbirthdaylunch,herconstantexcusingofhisinexcusablebehaviour,hisfather’squiet
disappointmentathisattitude.Herealisedwithapangofguiltthatbothofthemhadstillunswervingly
protectedhissecrets,loyallymaintainedtheirsilence.Hethoughtthroughhisworkcommitments,realised
thatasidefromsomelastminutecalculations,therewasnothingthatcouldn’twaituntilhisreturnfrom
Dunedin.

Abruptly,Blakewalkedbacktotheute,droveintoQueenstown,spendingconsiderabletimeexamining

differenttitlesintwodifferentbookshops,deliberatelyapproachingfemaleshopassistants,intenton

information.Heignoredtheirgigglingassumptionsandcomments,eventuallydealtwiththemanagerof
onestore,anolderwomanwhounhesitatinglyrecommendedtwobooksandaparticularwebsite,pointed
outamagazine.Hereturnedtotheutewiththebooksandmagazineshehadpurchasedfrombothstores,
anddrovehome,planningtoimmersehimselfinthebooksfortherestoftheafternoon,startlookingatthe
Internetthatevening.Andprepareforthetrip,hethoughtruefully.

—#—

Later,ChristierelaxedintheconservatoryofLisa’sparents’home,askingaboutLisa’sfamily

gathering,mentioningthelunchwithBlakeandhisfamily.Aprivatepersonherself,Christiedidnot
mentionBlake’sobviousattitudetowardshisparents,theexchangebetweenBlakeandBrenda,confined
herselftoemphasisingthewonderfulfoodandsettingofthelunchatthewinery.LisagrinnedatChristie,
askingwhatshehadordered.“Bluecod,”Christiesaid,blushingslightly,embarrassednowatthefoolish
impulsethatledhertohope,toorderthatmealinfrontofBlake.

Notwantingtomentiontheshareddessert,discussBlakefurther,Christietriedtochangethesubject,

mentionedtoLisathatshewantedtolookaroundattheshopsinQueenstown,startgettingwhatshewould
needforthebaby.Lisashookherhead.“Ifyouwantto,Christie,butyou’dbebettershoppingin
Invercargill.OrorganisingatriptoDunedin.You’dgetmorechoice.”Christietensed,againremindedof
Blake,toldLisaaboutthetripthathadbeenmentionedatlunch.ToChristie’ssurprise,Lisawasfurious.
“Christie,howcanyoubesoblind?”

“Blakewasjustbeingpoliteinfrontofhisparents,”Christiesaidmutinously,thinkingofBlake’s

reactiontothenewsofherpregnancy,hisimpatiencewhenshowingheraroundthevineyard.

Lisastoodupabruptly,grabbedhermobile,shakingherhead.“Christie,ifyouonlyknew,”shesaid.
“Whatdoyoumean?”Christieasked,watchingLisawhowaslookingintentlyathermobile.
“Nothing,”Lisasaid.Christie’seyesnarrowedsuspiciously,however,Lisawasconcentratingonher

mobile,wouldnotlookather.SuddenpanicgrippedChristieasheremotions,stillskewedbyPauland
Amanda’sbetrayal,seizedonthepossibilityofarelationshipbetweenBlakeandLisa.

WasthatwhatLisameant?ThatsheandBlakeweretryingtohelpher,thatChristiekeptturning

downassistancethatLisaherselfwastryingtoarrange,asafriend?Christie’smindflashedbacktothe
nightatthepub,beforeshehadfainted,Blake’shandonLisa’sshoulder,theirundeniableconnectionand
easyfamiliarity.Christietriedtocalmherself,sickatheart.

Lisaheldouthermobile.“There’sBlake’snumber.Callhimnow.Tellhimyouwanttogoto

Dunedin.”

Christiestartedtoprotest.“Why?Sowecanplayhappyfamilieslookingatbabygear?”shesaid,

unabletokeepthebitternessfromhervoice.

Lisawasobviouslylosingpatience.“Christie,putyourprideaway.Youarehavingababy.Idon’tsee

thefatherofyourchildsteppingup.”Christieblushed,shockedbyLisa’splainspeaking.“You’vesaid
youhavesavings.Youneedgear.Dunedinisthebestplace.”

“I’vebeenlookingontheInternet,”Christiesaid.Rebecca’swordsflashedintoherhead,madeher

defensive.

Lisasankbackontothesofa,shakingherhead.“Realitycheck,Christie.YouneedtogotoInvercargill

orDunedinatsomepoint.AndBlakewillprobablybetiedupwithworkmostoftheday.”Lisagaveher
aperceptivelook.“Butasyouclearlyaren’tinterested,thatwon’tbotheryoueitherway.Evenifhe
comesintoashop,asafriend,thatwon’tbeabigdeal,willit,Christie?”Lisa’stonewasclearly
sarcastic;Christiecouldmakenoanswer;herfaceburned,wonderingwhethertotellLisathatBlakewas
infactinterestedinher,notChristie.

Lisaleanedforward,notlettingup.“You’vesaidyouwanttostartgettingorganised.Now’syour

chance.”Hervoicesoftened.“Itmustbehardorganisingeverythingbyyourself.Areyouthinkingofyour
ex?”

“No.”Christie’svoicewasfirm,definiteasshethoughtofPaul’sharshwords,hissuggestedsolution.

“Well,onlyinthesensethatit’snothowIthoughtI’dbehavingababy.Alone,Imean.Soitisdaunting,
that’strue.”

“AlotlessdauntingifyougetalifttoDunedinwithBlake.”Lisa’svoicewasequallyfirm.
“I’llcallhimlater,”Christiemuttered.
“Now,”Lisasaid.“OrIwill.”Christietookthephone,herheartpounding.Shelistenedtothedull

ring,hopingitwouldgotoanswerphone,hopingitwouldn’t.ShetensedasBlakeanswered,hiscasual
greetingandfriendlyvoicegivingherashock.Hethinksit’sLisa,shethoughtinstantly.They’re
obviouslyclosefriends,whateverLisasays.

“It’sChristie,”shesaidhesitantly,listeningpainfullytothesilence.“Hello,Christie,”hesaid

eventually.Blake’svoicehadchanged,sherealised.Itwasdistant,reserved.ConsciousofLisa’s
presenceshekepttalking,askingifitwasstillpossibletogetalifttoDunedin,offeringtocontributeto
petrol.ChristieavertedherfaceasLisarolledhereyes,listenedtoBlakeconfirminghewouldbeleaving
earlythenextmorningandreturningthemorningafterthat.

Christie’shandshookassheregisteredwhatBlakewassaying.“You’restayingovernight?”sheasked,

tryingtoremaincalm,consciousofLisalisteningtotheconversation.ChristielistenedasBlakeexplained
itwastoolongadrivetodoareturntripcomfortablyinonedaywiththetimingofhismeetings.The
sharedroomatMasonBaywasimprintedonhermind,hernightmare,Blake’sstrongarms,theintense
emotionshehadexperienced.

Takingadeepbreathsheaskedaboutaccommodation,wantingtoorganiseaplacetostay,thedoubts

floodinghermindcombiningwiththeechoofthenightatMasonBay.“We’llsortsomethingout
tomorrow,”Blakesaid.

Christie’sheartfeltlikeitwouldbreak.“No,”shesaid,wantingtobeclear.“I’llbooksomethingfor

myself.Tonight,ontheInternet.ButifIcouldhavealiftthereandback,thatwouldbegreat.Thankyou,”
shesaid,tryingtosoundgrateful,determinednottobetrayherinnerturmoil.

“Christie,”hesaid,andshecouldhearthetensenessinhisvoice,“thewineryhasaccesstoan

apartmentrightinthecity.Icanusethat.Ithasseveralrooms.Itwon’tbeuptothestandardofMasonBay
butyou’rewelcometostaythere.”

ChristiecaughtherbreathashisreminderofMasonBaysetoffafreshwaveoftraitorouslonging.She

wassilent,suddenlyincapableofrefusing.I’malmostsixmonthspregnant,shethoughtwryly.That
solvesthat.“I’llseeyoutomorrow,”shesaidnervously.

“There’reafewshopsIcantakeyouto,butwecanorganisethatontheway.”Heinsistedon

collectingher,hungupabruptlyafterconfirmingthetime.ChristielookedatLisa’smobileinadaze,
handingitbacktoLisawithoutaword.

“Anddidhetakeyouuponyourofferofpetrolmoney?”Lisaaskedsarcastically.Christieshookher

head,notanswering.Lisa’suncompromisingviewsonlyhighlightedherownindecision.Christiewanted
thisbaby,wasexcited,butcouldnothelpcontrastingtherealityofsinglemotherhoodwithherdream
growingup,ofalovingpartnership,asharedlife,jointlyraisingababywithherhusband.Shethought
dullyofBlake’sevidentdisgustatherpregnancy,hisdistancesinceshehadtoldhim.

Sheshruggedmentally.AtleastIhavetheapartment,shethoughtgratefully.Lisawaswatchingher

closely,askedherifshewantedtorest.Christieshookherhead,knowingsheneededtofocusonthebaby.
“WhatstoresareinDunedin?”sheaskedherfriend.

Lisastoodup,smilingatChristie.“That’smorelikeit;haveyouthoughtaboutwhatyou’llneed?”
AnhourlaterChristie’sheadwasfilledwiththoughtsandplansaboutwhattobuyorlookatthe

followingday.SheandLisahadlookedatparentingwebsites,websitesforspecificstoresandalso

comparedprices.Haltingly,ChristiehadevenconfidedwhatRebeccahadsaid;Lisa’slaughtermade
Christiesmiletoo.“Youdon’tneedthosesortsofcomments,Christie.IknewRebeccayearsagoat
school.Onceaspoiltairhead,alwaysaspoiltairhead.”

Christieglanceddownatthelistshewasmaking,reflectingonLisa’swords,hidinghersurpriseat

Lisa’sdislikeofRebecca,decidingnottomentionBlake’scommentsabouthissister.Shecontinued
lookingontheInternet,wonderingaboutmaternityclothes,tryingtogaugewhatwasavailablesecond
hand.Lisanoddedheragreement.“That’sagreatidea,Christie.Saveonclothesforyourself,thenyoucan
affordtoshopintheplacesRebeccarecommendedforthebaby.”ShegrinnedatChristie.“Seriously
though,youcouldgetonespecialthingforthebaby,couldn’tyou?Thecontractingwillpaywell,won’t
it?”

“Idon’twanttospendmoneyforthesakeofit,”Christiesaidcautiously.“NotuntilIseehowthings

go.”

—#—

Blakearrivedthenextmorninginaglossyblackfourwheeldrive,theheadlightssweepingoverthe

dawn-litroad.BeforeChristiecouldprotest,hehadcomearoundtoopenthedoor,puttingherovernight
baginthebackseatandwaitingwhilesheclimbedin.Sherealisedhehadreclinedtheseat,hadapillow
andalighttravellingruginthefootwell.“It’sstillsoearly,”hesaid,hisvoicelow.“Youcansleeponthe
way,orI’lljustputthepillowintheback.”

Takenaback,hermindrecallingBlake’ssullenattitudeyesterday,Christiemurmuredherthanks,

reachedfortherugandpillow.Shefeltthecarstart,sawBlake’sstronghandonthegearlever,theoutline
ofhisthighthroughhisjeans.Stopit,shetoldherselfsleepily.Blakewassilent,focusingontheroad,his
profileinshadow.

ItwaslightwhenChristiewokeupfeelingslightlydisorientated;shelayquietlyforafewminutes,still

drowsy.ShegaveastartassherealisedBlakewasglancingather,hisfaceimpassive.Christiestruggled
upright,brushingherhairfromherface,stretchingslightly.“Nobaddreams,”Blakeremarkedtersely,
makingherblush.Shewastransportedfromthewarminteriorofthecartoaremotewoodentrampinghut
withbasicbunkframesandapainteddoor;hermindsensingthesmellofwoolandtherustleofasleeping
bag.“Nobaddreams,”sheagreed,hervoicecatchingslightly.

ChristielookedawayfromBlake,outthewindow.Shedidnotknowwhatelsetosay,howto

articulatewhathadhappenedthedaybefore,acknowledgingbleaklythatevenBlake’sbehaviour
yesterdaycouldnotchangeherheart’sdesireforhim,evenashermindurgedcaution,demandedan
explanation.Blakebrokethesilence.“We’reonlyanhourorsofromDunedin,”hesaid.“Youtookmy
ideaofsleepingonthewayseriously.”Christieshifted,adjustingherseatupright,removingthepillow.
“There’sacaféafewminutesuptheroad,”hecontinued.“Ithoughtwecouldstopthereforbreakfast.”
Christienodded,wantingtogetoutandstretchherlegs,haveabreak.

Whenshewalkedintothecafé,Blakewasalreadyseated,hisgazeintentashewatchedherwalktothe

counter.Hegesturedtoachair;Christie’seyesnarrowedassherealisedhewastellingherhehadalready
ordered.Shemarchedovertowardshim,annoyed,abouttolecturehimonherunpredictablefood
preferencesduringherpregnancy,stubbornlydeterminedtorefusewhateverhehadordered.

Blakehalfrosefromhischair,pullingoutachairforhertositdown.“Iaskedthemtocomeover,”he

saidcalmly.“Iwasn’tsurewhatyou’dfeellike.”

Christiesatdownabruptly,tryingtocoverherconfusion.“Ijustwanttoastandahotchocolate,”she

saidungraciously,longingforastrongcoffee,knowingsheshouldn’thaveit.

Blakenoddedslightly.“Howareyoufeeling?”heaskedpolitely.
“Fine,”Christiesnapped.Whathappenedtothelecture?asmallvoiceinsideheraskedquietly.

“Apartfromtheoccasionalmoodswing,”hesaid,aflickerofamusementonhisface.
“Yes,”Christiemuttered,staringatthetable,unabletoexplainherself,barelyrestrainingtheretortshe

wantedtomakeaboutBlake’sownattitudethedaybefore.SheheardBlakeorderinghertoastandahot
chocolate,hisownbreakfast,resolvedtoatleastbecivilfortheremainderofthetrip.Christierealised
thewaitresshadleftandBlakewaslookingather,askingwhereinDunedinshewantedtogo,jokingly
askingifheshouldhavebroughtthetrailer.AnunwillingsmileshowedonChristie’sfaceassheheardhis
teasingtone.Unconsciously,sheputherhandoverherstomachasshetalked,askingaboutthelocationof
thecentralcitymallLisahadmentioned,andtellinghimthenamesandaddressesofotherstoresshe
wantedtosee.

“Whereareyourmeetings?”ChristieaskedBlakeastheyate.
“Allacrosstown,”hereplied,tellingherthenamesofrestaurantsandretailers.
“Itsoundslikeanimportantsalestrip,”shecommented,wonderingwhyBlake’semployerwasnot

travellingwithhimorinhisplace.“That’salotofresponsibility,”shesaidinstead.

“Yes,”Blakereplied,turningtheconversationbacktoorganisingtheday,tellingChristiehewouldbe

inthecityformostofthedaybutintheafternoonhecoulddropheroffifneededandcollectheragain
lateraftercertainmeetings.“Oryoucancatchataxi,”hesaidneutrally.“ButI’llgetyournumberincase
I’mheldup.”

Christiearrangedanimpassivelookonherfaceasshelistenedtohisbusinessliketone.“Ofcourse,”

sheagreed.“AndIshouldprobablygetyours.IncaseIhaven’tfinishedshoppinganddecidetogeta
taxi.”Sherealisedanedgehadcreptintohervoice.Blakeinclinedhishead,choosingnottorespondto
her,standinguptogoandpay.Christiestoodalso,insistedonpaying,thinkingbacktothelunchtheday
before.

“I’llgetlunchthen,”Blakesaid.
ChristielookedupatBlake,surprised.“Whataboutyourmeetings?”sheasked,hervoicetense.
“Whataboutthem?”hesaid,lookingbackather,hisfacequestioning.Christiebitherlip,suddenly

nervous.Shewalkedbacktothecarsilently,consciousofBlake’srelaxeddemeanour.Lisa’swordsfrom
thedaybeforeranginChristie’searsasherfriend’splainspeakingbelatedlygaveherthejoltsheneeded.

Howmanytimeshadsheimaginedwhatitwouldbeliketohaveachild,toexcitedlyshopfora

nursery,choosingclothes,acot,apram.Alwaysinthatpicturewasahusband,lookingforwardtobeinga
father,planningforthechild’sneedstogether.Instead,Paulwaspatentlydisinterested,didn’tevenwant
hertohavethebaby,hadn’tcontactedhersinceshehadtoldhim.Andnowshewasspendingthedaywith
Blake,theoriginalplayboy,distantwithhisownfamilyandwithher,clearlyprimedbyLisatoatleast
meetforlunch,displayapoliteinterestinherplans.

FreshanxietyassailedChristieasshethoughtofLisa.RememberingBlake’seasygreetingwhen

ChristieranghimonLisa’sphone;Lisa’sfamiliarityandknowledgeabout

Blake’splansandfamily.AnimageofPaulandAmandaloomedinhermind.Youcan’tletthatdefine

yourlife,aninsistentvoiceinsidehersaid.AndevenifBlakeandLisadidgettogether,well,shehada
babytothinkabout.Onethatwasarrivinginafewshortmonths.AtleastI’vegotsavings.AndIwillbe
abletobuywhatIneed…

ChristiebeganfeelingslightlymoreoptimisticasthecarnearedDunedin,turnedtoBlake,askingabout

hismeetings,genuinelyinterestedinhisworkandwhatwasinvolved.Heansweredherquestionsbriefly,
seeminglyreluctanttogivedetails.“Anddoesyourbossmindmestayingattheapartment?”sheasked.

Blakeseemedpreoccupied.“No,”hesaidshortly,thinkingofthetelephonecallhehadmadeafter

Christiehadcalledhim.“I’vealreadycleareditwiththem.”

ChristielookedupinamazementasBlakedrewupatanornatehistoricbuildingthathadobviously

beenconvertedintoanexclusiveboutiquehotel.Shegotoutofthecar,lookingaround,suddendoubt
assailingher.“Ifyoudecideyoudon’twanttostayhere,we’reclosetothecity.There’slotsof

accommodationrightalongGeorgeStreet.”Blakedidn’tlookatherashespoke.Christienoddedsilently
atBlake’scomment,nottrustingherselftospeak.

TheportertookherbagandChristieautomaticallylookedatBlake.“Well,atleastthatsavesan

argument,”hesaidanddespiteherself,Christiesmiledathim,straighteninghercasualtopself—
consciouslyasshelookedaroundatthegrandlobby,theuniformedstaff,theimmaculatefurnishingsand
hugesweepingstaircase.ShehungbackwhileBlakecheckedin.

Blakewalkedbacktoher,steeredherovertotheconcierge.Incredulous,Christieheardhim

explainingshewasgoingshoppingandwouldneedhelpwithanyparcelsshereturnedwith.Shewas
abouttoprotestbutthenrealisedthesenseofwhathewassaying.ShesuddenlythoughtofPaul.Theyhad
stayedinnicehotelsonspecialoccasionsbut…Anotherthoughtstruckher;shecouldhardlyexpect
Blaketopayforherstayhereandthewinerycertainlywouldn’tpayforextras.MaybeIshouldlookfora
cheapmotel…Guiltilyawareofhowmuchshewantedtostayhere,bewithBlake,Christiereminded
herselfofhersavings.Rebeccawouldbeproud,shethought,smilingtoherself.

“Iwasexpectingyoutovoiceanopiniontotheconcierge.”Blakelookedatherastheyascendedthe

stairs,hisdarkeyesfilledwithsuddenamusement.

“Thankyou,”Christiesaid,meetinghisgaze,givinghimagenuinesmile.“ThoughIcouldhaveasked

theconciergemyself.”

“Wouldyouhave?”hecommented,uncomfortablyperceptive.
“Iwanttoreimburseyoufortheextracostofmestayinghere,”Christiesaid,strivingfora

businessliketone.“CanIpayatreceptiontomorrow?OrshouldIpayyoudirectly?”Shestudiedthe
richlycarvedwoodenpanellingonthewalls,sensedhimstillwatchingher.

“It’saflatrate,”Blakerepliedashewaitedforhertostepontothelanding,relievedtohearChristie

wasdefinitelyintendingtostay.“Sodon’tworryaboutit.”

Christie’seyeswidenedasshewalkedthroughthedoor.Aspaciousloungearealookedoutover

Dunedin,theplushcarpetandmodernconveniencestastefullyincorporatedwiththeclassicfurnishings.
Shecouldseeacompact,fullyself—containedkitchenandasmallhallwayopeningouttobedrooms.
ChristieheardBlake’slowwhistle.“Apparently,they’vedividedthisfloorintocorporateapartments.”

Shewalkedhesitantlydownthehallwayintoasideroom,assumingitwouldbeasmallerbedroom,

realisingitwasclearlythemainbedroomwithanensuiteandimmenseoversizedbed.Blake’sroom.
Christiespunaround,intentonleavingtheroomimmediately,registeredBlakeleaningagainstthedoor
frame,watchingher,hisfaceunreadable.

“Wouldyoulikemetotellyouthere’sabunkfreeinthisroom?”HiscasualreferencetoMasonBay

almostbroughttearstoChristie’seyes;shestraightened,steppedtowardshim.

“Iwalkedintothewrongroom,”shesaidwithdignity.Heinstantlysteppedasideassheapproached

thedoorway,watchingherwalktotheendofthehallway,intoanotherroom.

ChristielookedaroundasBlakesaidhername,hereyestroubled.“Ithoughtyoumightbemore

comfortableintheotherroom,”hesaid.Shecouldnotreadhistone.“Orifnotthatroom,thenadifferent
roomtothisone.”Embarrassed,Christierealisedthetwinsinglebedsintheroomwouldbeimpractical;
increasingly,shewasfindingsleepinguncomfortable,eveninadoublebed.Blakeshrugged.“Uptoyou.”

Christie’seyescleared;hewonderedifhehadimaginedtheflashofemotion.Silently,shewalked

backintothehall,lookedinanotherroom.Recoveringhercomposure,sheturnedtoBlake.“Imighttake
thisone,”shesaid,indicatingasmallerroomwithalargedoublebedandanensuite.

Blakeheardtheporterarrive,returnedwithChristie’sbag,putitdownonthehamper,andturnedto

leavetheroom.“Ihopethesemoodswingsstopsoon.”Shespokesoquietlyhebarelyheardher.He
realisedshewastryingtoapologise,pivotedbacktofaceher.

“You’vegotalottodealwith,”hesaidevenly,holdinghimselfstill,notdaringtoapproachher.

Christielookedupathim,hereyessearchinghisface.“Althoughlunchmightbemoreenjoyableifthey

did,”hecontinued,histeasingtonetakingtheharshnessfromhiswords,thinkinguncomfortablyofhis
ownbadtemperthedaybefore.“Andyou’vecertainlylettheconciergeofflightly.Iwasalmost
disappointed.”Blakelefttheroomabruptly,leavingChristiestaringafterhim.

Whenshecameoutintothelounge,ChristierealisedBlakewasrelaxinginasinglechair;shestopped

ashestraightened,gesturedtothesofa,seeminguncomfortable.Perplexed,Christietookaseat,looked
outovertheviewofthecity.“DifferentfromMasonBay,”shesaidsoftly.

Blakegaveashortlaugh.“Whatsortofgearwillyoulookattoday?”hesaidsuddenly.Christiewas

quietforseveralseconds,takenabackbyhisquestion,thenexplainedherInternetsearches,whatshe
wantedtobuy.Shefrownedslightly,sensinghewasstillillatease,astarkcontrastfromhisusualbrash
confidence.“Anygoodsaleson?”heasked,confusingherfurther.

Blakewouldhardlybeinterestedinthepracticalitiesofshopping.Forababy.Christieflashedback

tothedistance,borderingonrudenesshehadshowntowardshisownparents.“Nothing’sadvertisedasa
sale,butIwillcompareprices.Seewhat’saround.”Shesmiled,realhumourinhereyes.“Thebaby
won’tbewearingdesignerbrands,butI’vegotsomegooddealsontheInternet.”Christiecouldn’tresist
mentioningRebecca.“Ijusthopeyoursisterdoesn’tmindthefactI’veshoppedelsewhere,”shesaid
irreverently.Blakesmiledbackather,hiseyeswarm,seemingmorerelaxed.Shelookedawayquickly,
unabletofathomhislineofquestioning,unabletocopewiththelookinhiseyes.

ChapterEight

ChristiethoughtbacktoBlake’squestions,hisdemeanourlaterthatmorningasshelookedarounda

children’sclothingstore.Shehadfoundthemorningdifficultasarangeofemotionswashedoverher.Her
initialexcitementaftermakingplanswithLisathenightbeforehadbeentemperedbytherealityofa
baby’simminentarrivalandtheimpactitwouldhaveonherlifeandcareer.ThenewsofPauland
Amanda’sgiddyengagementhadfilteredthroughfromwell—meaningfriendsandacquaintancesafew
weeksago;nowhereshewasshoppingforclothesforababyPauldidn’twanthertohaveandmadeno
movetosupport.

HermindturnedtoBlake’sreactionwhenshetoldhim;hisshock,hiscuttingcomments,whenshehad

reallyhoped…Christieblinkedbacksuddentears,triedtofocusonthedisplaysofclothing.Shehadonly
purchasedacoupleofthingssofar,contenttolookaroundatfirstratherthanbuythefirstthingshesaw.

Christielookedatherwatch,realiseditwasapproachingthetimeBlakehadsuggestedmeetingfor

lunch.ShedecidedthatafterlunchshewouldgotothestoreshehadseenadvertisedontheInternet;she
couldalwayslookaroundtheothercitystoreslaterthatafternoon,beforereturningtothehotel.She
walkedoutofthestore,intentonfindingherwaytothecaféBlakehadsuggested.Shesawitupahead,
realisedthatitwasnexttooneofthestoresRebeccahadmentioned.

Curioustoseethedisplay,Christiestoppedtoglanceinthewindow.SherememberedLisa’swords

aboutbuyingsomethingspecialforthebaby.Icouldaffordit,shethought,butIjustdon’tseeanything
specialthatIreallylove.“Thosedon’tseemthatpractical.”Blake’sdryvoicemadeChristieswing
around.

“Certainlynotformybaby,”sherepliedwithequaldryness,pleasedshecouldatleastarticulatea

response,realisingwithashockBlakewaswearingbusinesstrousersandaformalshirt.Christiehad
onlyeverseenBlakedressedcasually;guiltily,longingly,hermindveeredbacktoBlakewearinghis
huntingjacket,histrampingclothesonthewatertaxi.

Standingclosetohim,ChristiesawthebuttonsofBlake’sblueshirt,theanglesofhisperfectlypressed

collar,hislightlytannedchestandneck.Shetiltedherhead,lookedupathim,sensingthediscreetglances
ofotherwomenonthefootpathastheyregisteredhischarismaticgoodlooks,hisheightandlithe,toned
frame.

Christienoticedtheshadowsinhiseyes,frownedslightly.“Blake,howareyourmeetingsgoing?”she

asked,wonderingifhewaspreoccupied,concernedaboutwork.Shelistenedtohisresponses,not
convinced,pressinghimfurtherfordetails.

“Itallwentreallywell,”hesaidagain.“BettereventhanIthought.”Heseemedkeentohavelunch

ratherthantalkonthefootpath;soontheywerelookingatmenus.

Christietookadeepbreath,exhaled.“Youlookedpreoccupiedthismorningattheapartment,”she

said,hereyesfixedonhermenu,notdaringtolookathim.

Blakeshrugged,clearlytakenabackbyherwords.“Youaskalotofquestionsaboutthebusiness,”he

said,hisvoicelow.

“Itinterestsme,”Christiereplied.Shetriedtojoke,realisedBlakedidnotwanttodiscusshiswork

further.“Butifyou’dratherdiscussmymoodswings,that’sfine.”

Hegrinnedather,theshadowofguilteasingfromhiseyes.Shewaseasilyjustas—ormore—

intelligentthananyoneelseheknew;hewonderedhowlongitwouldbebeforeshefoundout,andyethe
couldfindnowordstotellher.Andwhyshoulditmatterwhethersheknewornot?Blakethoughtto
himself,thinkingofhisparents,thewinery.

Hismindturnedtotheproblemoftheafternoon;hecouldnotthinkofhowtoframehisconcern;his

eyesnarrowedashenoticedChristieonlyhadacoupleofsmallbags.Andthentherewasthebusiness
meetingtonight.Hedecidedtobitethebullet,abruptlymentionedit,noticinghersuddenuncertainty.

“SoIthoughtyoumightliketocomewithme,”hesaidneutrally.
“Imighthaveanearlynight,”Christiereplied.“Idon’twanttocauseyouanyawkwardquestions.I’m

notacolleagueand…”Shelethersentencetrailoff,unabletolookathim.Henoticedherhandwason
herstomach,curvedprotectivelyaroundthechild.

Blakeshruggedeasily,hisfaceimpassive.Christierealisedshehadbeenwaitingforhimtoprotest,

askagain.Whenhedidnot,herheartplummeted,evenasshetoldherselfitwouldhardlybeappropriate
forhertoattend,despiteBlake’sinvitation.Blakeknewheshouldfeelonlyrelief,acknowledgedthe
senseofherwords,evenashefoughtthesharpsenseofdisappointmentflaringinhim.

Maskingherfeelings,Christielookedathimacrossthetable.Hisgazeonherwasintentasheasked

aboutthemorning,whatshehadpurchasedforthebaby.Christieshrugged.“Justsomeclothes,”shesaid.

Henoticedherhandstillonherstomach,herflattone.“Yousaidthismorningyou’dneedquitealotof

gear,”Blakesaid,tryingtoarticulatewhathewantedtosay.“Didn’tyouseeanythingyouliked?”

Christiestareddeliberatelyatthetablecloth,playingwithherforkasshespoke.“Ididn’twanttobuy

thefirstthingIsaw,”Christiesaid,explainingherplantolookaroundthecityagaininthelateafternoon.

Blakedidnotpressher.“Sothemajorthingswouldbewhat:acot,apushchair?”Christienodded.He

paused.“I’llbeinDunedinoccasionallyoverthenextfewmonths,”hesaid.“Soyoucouldlookatlay—
by…IcouldcollectthegearwhenI’mhereagain.”

ShelookedatBlake,suddenlyrealisedhewasconcernedaboutthecost.Shethoughtbacktohis

questionsthatmorning,tohercommentafterlunchthedaybefore.Hereyesflashed;shewastemptedto
railathimthatitwasnoneofhisbusiness;justintimesherealisedhewasofferingtohelp,remembered
histactyesterdaywhenshehadbeensoupset.

“Iwon’tneedlay—by,”Christiesaidquietly.“Idohavesomesavings,soIwashopingtogetalmost

everythingtoday.Andwithnothavingtopayrentforthefirstyearandthecontracting,Ishouldhave
enoughtotidemeover.IfI’mcareful,”sheaddedself—consciously,slightlyembarrassedatrevealing
herfinancialsituation.

Blake’sfacecleared;hecasuallyaskedseveralquestionsaboutthecontractingshehadmentionedat

lunchthedaybefore.Henoticedshehadbarelytouchedthesmallsaladshehadordered;hisfacesetat
herdefensiveresponsewhenhepolitelysuggestedorderingsomethingmore.Soonafter,hesuggestedthey
leave;Christiestoodup,wantingtoheadouttoanotherbiggerstoreshehadseenadvertised.

Atthedoor,Christiepaused,wonderingwhereataxirankwas,notwantingtopresumeBlakewould

rememberhisofferthatmorning.“Arewegoingtotellmysisterwe’velookednextdoor?”Christie
lookedupatBlake,herthroatdryassheheardhisteasingvoice,realisedhewasstandingclose.

“You’vegotyourmeetingsthisafternoon,”shesaid,strugglingtosoundcalm,businesslike.
“Rescheduled,”hesaidbriefly,grinningdownather.Sheechoedtheword,incredulous.“Theyrang

justbeforelunch,”hecontinued,explainingthemeetingswouldnowbelaterintheafternoon.“Ihavea
coupleofhoursfree.SoI’mtaggingalong.Tocarrythecot.Makesitarushlateronthough.”Heseemed
unconcerned.

“Blake…”Christiestopped,notknowingwhattosay.
“Idon’twanttointrude,”hesaid,quietly.“ButIthoughtIcouldputthecotandpushchairstraightinto

thetruck.”Christienodded,stillspeechless,uncertain.ThecruelironyofBlake’sofferthreatenedto
overwhelmher;shetookadeepbreath.Justfortwohours…Sheresolvedtomakethemostofthisstolen
time,tolookaround,makedecisionsaboutwhatthebabywouldneed.

Blake’stone,histeasing,remindedChristieofherearlierexcitementaboutherplansfortheday;her

ambivalenceofthemorningfaded.ChristielookedatBlake,hercheeksflushed,determinednottobetray
herinneremotion.“Iwouldliketohaveaquicklooknextdoor,justtogetideas.”Shewalkedtowardsthe
shop,mutteredathankyouasBlakereachedpasthertopushopenthedoor.

“Ideasforwhat?”heaskedastheyenteredtheshop.

“Coloursforthenurserygear,”Christiesaidbriefly.“Ilovedesign.”
“Easy,Christie.Pinkorblue?”Shecouldtellhewasteasingheragain.
“Palegreen,”shereplied,walkingovertothedisplaysofblanketsandbedding.
“Pinkorblue?”herepeated,hisvoicelow.SheturnedtoBlake,realisinghewasinfactaskingabout

thegenderofthebaby.

“Idon’tknow,”shesaidquietly,unnervedbyhisquestion,thinkingofherseesawingemotionsthrough

herpregnancy,thecontrastingfear,excitement,apathy.Withsomuchelsetothinkabout,shesimplyhad
notcaredorthoughtitimportantwhenshehadbeenaskedwhethershewantedtoknowthebaby’sgender
atherpreviousscan.Blakesaidnothingfurther;Christiebrowsedsilently.Theselectionwasamazing;a
shopassistantapproachedbutChristiehastilyconfirmedshewasjustlooking.Theassistanthovered,
clearlytryingtoinvolveBlakeintheconversation.

ChristiewasacutelyconsciousofBlakesteppingforward,standingnexttoher,almosttouchingher,

talkingeasilytothefemaleassistant,seeminglycompletelyateaseinashop

likethis,askingtheassistantaboutcots,movingovertoadisplay.Christieshookherheadslightly,

knowinglookingatcots,anythingsubstantial,inashoplikethiswouldbefutile.

ShewatchedtheshopassistantrespondtoBlake’snaturalcharismaandairofauthority,apangof

emotionflashingthroughher.Christiemovedovertolookatanotherdisplay,unabletoseeanythinginthe
colourschemesshehadimagined.Someofthepricestookherbreathaway;sherealisedthiswasthesort
ofshopsheandPaulwouldhavelookedinifthingshadbeendifferent.

ChristiewatchedBlakeoutofthecornerofhereye,notacknowledginghersuddenirritationorthe

reasonforit.Shesmoothedherhandoveraplainwoodencot,admiringtherichcolour,theperfectfinish.
“That’snotsolidwood.”Blakewasback,standingnexttoher.

Christieshrugged.“Don’tletmeinterruptyou,”shesaidacidly.
Hegavealowwhistle.“Wouldthatbeanothermoodswing,Christie?”hesaid,hisvoicedeceptively

light.

“Probably,”shemuttered,tryingtocoverheroverreaction,guiltilyawareshewasactingpossessive

whenshehadnorightto.

“AsIwassaying,it’sjustimitation,”Blakesaid,ahintofamusementinhisvoice.“Isthisthesortof

thingyouwereafter?”

“Notatthisprice,”Christiesaidquietly.“Ijustlikethecolour,itlookslikekauri.”
Blakesmiled.“That’saNorthIslandwood,”hesaid.“Doyouwantalight—colouredcot?”She

nodded,continuingtoexaminethecot,brieflymovedtoanother,whichhadadarkerfinish,andthentoa
paintedwhitecot.Blakewatchedhersilently,noticingshewentbackagaintolookatthefirstcotshehad
seen.

ThistimewhentheassistantapproachedhewasrelievedtoseeChristieaskingquestionsasthe

assistantdemonstratedthefeaturesofthecot,showedherthedifferentmattresses.Theassistantwalked
offandChristieturnedtowardshim,herfaceneutral.“Itseemsexpensive,”shesaid.“AndIwas
imagining…”Shedidnotfinishthesentence,seeminglypreoccupied.

“What?”Blakesaid,promptingher.
Shelookedupathim.“Idon’tlikethedesignsomuch.”Heshrugged.“We’lllookaroundthen.”

—#—

Christiewalkedintothelargestore;Blakehadinsistedondroppingheroffatthedoorandthen

parkingthecar.Shewalkedovertothecotdisplay,lookingforwardtoseeingwhatwasavailable.She
hadlikedthecolourofthecotatthepreviousstorebutthedesignwasso—plain.Christiehadnarrowedit
downtotwopossibilitieswhenBlakejoinedher;althoughneitherwasexactlywhatsheimagined,she

wasrealisticenoughtoknowthatthiswouldprobablybeascloseasshecouldgettowhatshewanted.
Shementallycalculatedthedifferenceinprice,tryingoutthefeaturesofeach.

ChristiewasconsciousofBlakewatchinghersilently,suddenlyremote.Sherealisedsheactually

preferredthecheapermodel,turnedtoBlake.“That’stheonethen?”heasked,hisvoiceunreadable.
Unnerved,Christienodded.“Christie…”hespokeabruptly,stopped.Shelookedathim,herface
questioning,rememberingherearlierresolvetoenjoythesetwohours,despitetherealityofthesituation.
Enjoyeverything,exceptBlakeflirtingwiththesalesstaff,shethoughtdryly.

“That’saquickdecision,”hesaidafterapause.Christiecontinuedtolookathim,intuitivelysensing

hewasnotsayingwhatheoriginallyplanned.Shesmiledathim,hereyessparkling.

“Icouldlookaroundsomemore,butit’stheoneIlikethebest,”shesaid.“Stillabitplainthough.”

Sheshrugged.“Iampleasedwithitthough,Blake.”

“Plaininwhatway?”heasked.
Christiegrinned.“Idon’tknow…Ijusthadanimageofsomecarvedwoodenthing.Realcotsarealot

morepractical.”Shelaughed,unawareofhowherfacelitupwithmirth.Afterlookingaroundbriefly,she
walkedovertolookatpushchairs,immediatelydrawntothebuggytypedesignsratherthanthe
conventionalpushchairs.

Christiefrownedasshetriedtoworkouthowtoadjusttheparticularmodelshewasinterestedin.

Blakeheldhimselfperfectlystill,tenseashewatchedher.“Thanksforhelping,”shesaidmutinouslyas
shestruggledwithalever.

“Don’tyouwanttobeleftinpeace?”Blakeretorted,hisvoicesuddenlyhard,adangerousreminderof

heroverwroughtwordsonthewatertaxi.Christie’seyesflashedassheglancedatBlake,silently
acknowledgingherowncontrarybehaviour.

Shebecamemoreandmorefrustratedastheleverdidnotmove.“Christie.”ShelookedupatBlake

suspiciously,hearingthesuddenamusementinhistone.“Eitherlookatadifferentmodel,orreleasethe
brake.”Christieblushedbrightred,realisingshewouldneverbeabletowheelthebuggywithout
rememberingthisexchange.Blakesworequietly,reachedover,releasedthebrake,hishandtouchinghers
briefly.

Christiefeltasthoughhistouchburned;notlookingatBlakeagain,sheoncemoretuggedonthelever;

itswivelledsmoothly.“Withabitofpracticethatcouldbetheidealbuggy,”Blakesaidcalmly,hiseyes
warmwithamusement.Shenodded,stillembarrassed,herheartstillpoundingattheremembered
sensationofBlake’stouch.Tryingtofocus,Christieflickedoverthepricetag,makingsureitwaswithin
herbudget.“Howdoesitcompare?”Blakeasked,hiseyesnarrowing.

“Fine,”Christiesaidbriefly.
“Doyouwanttolookatacoupleofotherplacesbeforedeciding?”
Sheshookherhead,remindinghimoftheInternetsearchesshehaddone.“IthoughtI’dgetthecotand

pushchairhere,”shecontinued.“Iwanttolookattheothershops,butmainlyforclothes.”

Blakewassilent;again,Christienoticedhisremoteness,theshadowsinhiseyeswhenmomentsagohe

hadbeenteasingheraboutthebuggy.“Whatisit,Blake?”sheaskedbluntly.

Hetensedatherwords,shrugged,clearlymakingadeliberateefforttorelax.“Justthinkingaboutthe

meetingsthismorning.”

Christie’seyesnarrowed,surethatinfactheregrettedaccompanyingher,resentedtimespentwithher.

NodoubtLisahadinsistedheatleasthelpherwiththeheavierpurchases.Suddenfuryfilledher,
mixedwithdisappointmentassherealisedBlakewasjustbeingpolite,waskeentogetbacktowork.
Whatdidyoureallyexpect?sheaskedherselfbitterly,rememberinghiscasual,almostautomaticflirting
withtheshopassistant.

“Whataboutthemeetings?”EmotionmadeChristie’svoicesharp.Shestruggledtomoderatehertone,

notwantingtobetraythewayshefelt.“Don’tfeelyouhavetohangaroundhereifyouneedtogetbackto

work.Ortheshopassistant.”Shewasunabletodisguisethecatchinhervoice.Helookedatherfora
longmoment;sheglaredupathimstubbornly.

“Idon’tknowthatIdohavetimetohelpyouafterall.”Blake’svoicewashard,uncompromising.“I’m

toobusyspikingdrinksortryingtopickupcompletestrangers.Atleastit’snotyourbestfriend,”hesaid
cuttingly,shockeddespitehimself,asChristie’sfacesuddenlybleachedwhite,fillingwithpain.“MaybeI
shouldcallLisa,”hecontinued,wantingtoemphasisethewildnatureofChristie’saccusations.“Then
you’dbeprovedright.Maybethenyoucouldrelax.”

“You’realreadywithLisa,”Christieretorted,devastatedbyhiswords,hisreferencetofriendship,her

suspicionsspillingout.“Soflirtwithwhoeveryouwant.Notmyproblem.”

“Christie—”Blakebegan.
“AndallIdidwasaskyouaboutwork,”sheflungathimbeforehecouldfinish.“Iknowyou’drather

notbehere.Iknowit’sabusydayforyou.”Shebrokeoff,unabletolookathim,humiliatedbyhiscutting
wordsandherlossofcontrol.

ChristiewasconsciousofBlake’srigidself—controlassheheardhisprecisewordsinreply.“You

knowI’mnotwithLisa,Christie.AndI’mnotwithyoueither,”hesaid,hiswordsmakingherflinch.“So
you’reright,IcanflirtwithwhoeverIwant.”Hisvoicebecamerough.“AndifIchoosetotalk—”he
emphasisedthelastword,“—withashopassistant,atleastitfinallygotyouinterestedinshoppingfor
whatyouneed.”

Blaketookasteptowardsher.“Lisadidmentionyou’dtalkedaboutgettinggear.Youheardmyfather

atlunchyesterday.InvitingyoutoDunedinmadesense.”Christiewasunabletolookathim,letalone
respond.“Andincaseyou’reworriedaboutmyworkpressures,ahighstakessalesmeetingpalesin
comparison…”headded,stoppingabruptly.

Todealingwithyou.ChristieheardtherestoftheunspokenwordsasclearlyasifBlakehadfinished

thesentence.Hetookanotherstepcloser,hisnearnessstrangelycomforting.Christiewasbitterlyaware
hemadenomovetotouchher,simplystoodclosetoher,gazingdownather.Sheturnedherheadslightly,
focusingonthefabricofhisshirt,intenselyconsciousofherlossofcontrol,theaccusationsshehad
made,hiscoldly,controlledresponse.

“Christie.”Shelookedupathimashespoke,hereyeshuge,troubled.“Icantalktofemaleshop

assistants,”hesaid,unerringlyfocusingontheflashpointofheroutburst.“Ican’thelpthewaytheyreact
tome,”hesaidoutrageously,hismouthcurvingintoasmileatChristie’sappalledlook.Ittookhera
momenttorealisehewasjoking,pretendingtobeexactlywhatshehadaccusedhimofbeing.

“YouandLisaseemtohaveaclosefriendship,”Blakecontinued.Christiesensedhewaschoosinghis

wordscarefully.Shenoddedmutely,lookingaway.“Sosurelyshe’sexplained…”Helethisvoicetrail
off,clearlygenuinelyataloss.

“Ijustjumpedtoconclusions,”Christiemuttered,nowembarrassedbeyondmeasureatwhatherangry

wordshadrevealed,desperatelyhopingBlakewouldnotcontinuewithhisperceptivecommentsand
questions.

Henoddedslowly,stillthinkingaboutherwords,herreaction,decidingnottopressherfurther.

“Alwaysdangerous,”hesaidneutrally.“Doyouthinkyoucangetthroughthenexthourwithoutthat
happeningagain?”Christienodded,herfacestillflushed.“Good,”Blakesaidcalmly,standingsilentlyas
ashopassistantapproached.HewatchedChristie’sfaceastheassistantexplainedthatthebuggywould
needadaptingtobesuitableforanewborn,showedherwhatwasrequired.

ChristieglancedatBlakequicklyastheassistantturnedtohim,obviouslyassuminghewasthebaby’s

father.“Isthatstilltheoneyouwant,sweetheart?”BlakeaskedChristie,amusementglintinginhiseyes,
slightsarcasminhisvoice.Shenodded,dullyregisteringhisendearment,thelookinhiseyesdaringher
tomakeasceneasheplayedontheshopassistant’sassumption.

“Whataboutthatextrapaddingforanewbornbaby?”BlakeaskedasChristieremainedsilent.“Isthat

included?”Silently,hecalculatedtheextracostofthedisplayedadd-onsthatwereavailable,noticingthe
rowofdurableplastictoysandevenasmallanimalmobiledisplayedbythepushchair,wonderinghow
thetoyscouldbeattachedtothepushchair.

“Andisthisagoodqualitymodel?”Hefoundhimselfstillquestioningtheshopassistantinthefaceof

Christie’scontinuingsilence,knowingheshouldstop,unabletodosoashispracticalmindseizedonthe
featuresofthebuggy.“Canthesetoysbeattached?”Theassistantspoketothembothassheanswered.

BlakeknewthiswasthepushchairChristiewanted,hadseentheuncertaintyonherfaceattheextra

costs,knowingthatshetoo,withherquickmind,wouldbecalculatingthetotal.Heheardheraskabout
anothermodel,dismissit.I’lljustspendabitmore,Christiesaidtoherself,remindingherselfshehad
savingsforexactlythissituation,unabletoresisttheoptionaltoystheassistanthadreferredto.Sheheard
Blake’sauthoritativevoicetellingtheassistanttheywouldlookaroundbeforedeciding.“ThisistheoneI
want,”ChristiesaidtoBlake,determinedtomaintainaciviltone,stillunsettledatBlake’ssarcastic
endearment.

“Stillinyourbudget?”heaskedgruffly.
“Moreorless,”Christiesaid.“It’snotthatmuchmore,anditseemslikeanall-in-one.”Shefelt

drainedafterheroutburst,herwordscautiouslypolite.Sheturnedtothehoveringassistant,confirming
whatshewanted.

Blakespokebeforehecouldthink.“Andoneofthoseattachments,thebiggeronewiththetoyzoo

animalsandtheshapes.Andthedolphinmobile.”

“No,”Christiespokefirmly,embarrassedatBlake’sinvolvement,athischoosingtoysforthebaby,

wheninrealitysheknewhewasonlyherebecauseLisahadaskedhimtohelp.Nodoubtafterallhis
questionsaboutpriceshethoughtChristiecouldn’taffordtobuyevensmallextras;feltcompelledtobuy
agift.Prideflaredupinher.“Idon’twantthem,”shesaidungraciously,despitethembeingtheexact
designsshehadplannedtoget.

“No?”saidBlakeinmocksurprise,tryingtocoverhislapsebutstilldeterminedtogetthetoysfor

Christie’sbaby.Toolate,Christieheardthesteelunderneathhisteasingtone.“Ifit’saboyhewon’tthank
youforthepinkunicornmobile,Christie.Orthematchingplasticdolls.Imaginelookingbackatthe
photos.”

Christieroundedonhim.“Idon’tmeanthedesigns,Blake.Idon’twantyoubuyingthem.Icanpayfor

them.I’mnotacharitycase.”

“Lisaaskedmetokeepaneyeoutforsomethingforthebaby,”Blakeliedsmoothlyasinspiration

struckhim.“Thosetoysandmobileseemideal,somethingthebabywouldenjoy.”Heshruggedinwhathe
hopedwasacasualmanner,privatelythinkingsuchasmallmobilewouldbeacompletewasteoftime,
eventhoughChristiekeptglancingatit.

Christiecoloured,evenmoreembarrassedattheconclusionshehadjumpedto.OfcourseBlakewould

simplybefollowingLisa’sinstructions.“Thankyou,Blake,”shesaid,reluctantly,knowingshecould
hardlyturndownagiftfromLisa.Christielookedagainatthemobile,stilldoubtingitspracticality.“I
wasdefinitelygoingtogetthosezooanimaltoys.ButI’mnotsureaboutthemobile.Itdoesn’tseemthat
practical.Imean,Iknowtheycangoovercots,but…”hervoicetrailedoff.

“It’stoosmall,”Blakesaidbluntly,shakenbyChristie’smirroringofhisthoughts.Heturnedtothe

shopassistant,askingtoseebiggermobiles,nurserydecorations,followingtheassistantovertothe
display.Hefrowned,suddenlyconsciousthatChristiewouldsurelyguessthereasonforhisinterest,that
hewasrevealingtoomuch.HerealisedChristiehadfollowedhimovertothedisplay,waslookingatthe
mobilesandwalldecorationssilently.

“Thatone,”Blakesaid,indicatingalargemobilewithbeautifullycrafted,brightlypaintedanimalsand

birds.Christiecaughtherbreath,imaginingthemobile,sofrivolousandunnecessary,turningabovethe
plaincotshehadchosen,thecolourscatchingthesun,drawingtheattentionofasmallinfantasthey

settledtosleep.Hersmallinfant.

Ican’treallyjustifybuyingthat,shethought,evenasavoiceinsideherproddedher,remindedherof

themoneyshewouldearnfromcontracting,knowingstillitwouldbetheultimatefrivolitywhenshehad
somuchmoretoorganiseandbuy.Christiewassilentforamoment,reluctanttoevencontemplatebuying
somethinglikethemobile,agloriouscelebrationofcolourandanimals,when,sometimes,shewasstill
filledwithsuchambivalenceandmixedemotionsaboutthebaby.

“Amobileisnotpractical,”shesaidfirmlytoBlake.“Thebabyhardlyneedsthatinthenursery.”
Helookedather.“It’snotmeanttobepractical,”hesaid.“It’satoy.Definitelyneededinthe

nursery.”

Christieshookherhead,moreandmoreunsettledbyBlake’scomments,stillembarrassedather

assumptionaboutthegiftLisawantedtogetthebaby,hopingBlakehadnotrealisedhowshefelt.“Blake,
I’llbehousesitting,”shesaidfinally.“Icanhardlyattachthattotheceilinginsomeoneelse’shome.”
Evenasshespoke,sheknewitwasaweakexcuse.Withoutanotherword,Christiewalkedovertoother
displays,startedtolookatclothes.

Hesitating,strangelyhurtbyChristie’scontinualrejectionofanyofhissuggestions,Blakeeventually

followedherovertotheotherdisplay.IwouldhavegotthatmobileforthebabyifChristiehadlooked
keenonit.Evenasheadmiredherfocusonstrictpracticalities,atthesametimehewasconcernedbyher
almostruthlessdismissalofanythingthatwasnottotallynecessaryforthebaby.Theonlytoysshehad
shownanyinterestinweretheplasticanimaltoysforthepushchair.

Mostexpectantmotherswouldsurelyfinditalmostimpossibletorestrainthemselvesinastorelike

this,Blakethought,lookingaroundattherowsoftoys,clothesandnurserydecorations.Hethoughtofher
choiceofwhatseemed,eventohim,tobeanextremelyplain,basiccotinthefaceofhercommentsabout
wantinganornateone.

Stillsmartingoverhisrejectedsuggestionaboutthemobile,Blakemadefewcommentsonherchoices,

apartfrominsistingshebuyextrawoollenclothingforthebaby,remindingheroftheharshwintersin
Queenstown.Christiethoughthewasexaggerating,didnotwanttobuyalotofclothesthebabywould
growoutofsoquickly.Hisfacesetasherealisedshewasnotgoingtotakehisadvice;heshrugged,
obviouslyputout.

Christieturnedawaytolookatanotherdisplay;hereyesblurred.Setonaninfantsizemannequinwas

aminiatureredparkaoverabrightjerseyandintricatelydetailedjeanswithtinysneakers.Toseeachild
sizeoutfitsosimilartotheoneshehadwornsooftenontheislandmadeherheartcontract.Sheturned
awayabruptly,hearingtheechoofBlake’svoice,hisjokesaboutLittleRedRidingHood.Shenoticed
withreliefhewasnolongerwatchingher,movedawayfromthemannequintolookatanotherdisplay.

“I’llneedtogetgoingsoon.”ChristielookedaroundasBlakespoke,walkingovertoher,suggesting

heputthepurchasessofarinthecar,leavinghertoshopforsmalleritems.Christiewenttothecounterto
pay,hereyesnarrowingastheassistanthandedheranotherbag.

“Thisisn’tmine,”shesaid,checkingthroughtheitemsonthereceiptsheknewshehadbought.
Theassistantsmiled,hercheekstingedwithpink.“Yourhusbandchosesomebabyclothesaswell.”
ShockmadeChristiefeelfaint,evenasshenoticedtheassistant’sreactiontoBlake.“We’renot

married,”shesaidclearly.Flustered,theassistantapologised,stillassumingthoughthatChristieand
Blakewerepartners.Christiegaveup,unnervedbytheassistant’sassumption,whichsheacknowledged
wasperhapsunderstandable,butstillacruelreminderofreality.AtleastI’mnotthinkingofPaul
anymore,shethought,halfhysterically.Blakehadalreadytakenthepackagesouttohiscar;atleasthe
wasn’tstandingatthecounter.Christiesmiledtoherselfreluctantly,wonderingwhatjokehewouldhave
madeifhehadheardtheassistant’scomments.Sheturnedaround,holdingthelastbagtheassistanthad
givenher,walkingtowardsthemaindoorsofthestore,realisedBlakehadjustwalkedbackin.Christie
heldupthebag,knowingitwasn’tthemobile,wonderingwhathehadpurchased,anuncertainsmileon

herface.

“Thankyou,”shesaid,unnervedbyBlake’sreserved,politeresponse,hisclaimsthatitwasLisa’s

idea.

“Willyoulookaroundtherestofthisrowofshops?”heaskedabruptly,takingthebagfromher

unopened.Christienodded,makingherexcuses,determinednottoletherhurtshow.

ChapterNine

Threehourslater,Christiereturnedtothehotel,exhaustedbutconfidentshehadpurchasedalmost

everythingshewouldneed,tryingnottothinkofBlake.Shewasstillhauntedbyheroutburst,hisreserve
whenshethankedhimforthe—joint—gift.Sheclimbedoutofthetaxi,thankingthedriverashehelped
herwithherbags,watching,bemused,asboththeporterandtheconciergerushedover.

Shehadevenboughtsomematernityclothesforherself,relievedtohaveclothesthatactuallyfittedher

properly,resolvingtochangeintothemstraightaway.Christiefollowedtheporteruptotheapartment,
lookingforwardtoarelaxingevening,pleasedtobebackatthehoteleventhoughBlakehadsaidshe
couldcallhim,thathemightbeabletocollecther.

Herphonebuzzedwithatextmessage;shepickeditup,realiseditwasLisa,wantingtoknowwhat

shehadbought.Christierepliedimmediately,stillashamedofwhatshehadsaidtoBlake,wondering
whatLisawouldsaywhenBlaketoldher.Hopefullyshe’lllaughitoff,thoughtChristie,thinkingofthe
apartmentLisahadarrangedforher.

Christiewasjustgettingdressedafterashowerwhenthephonerang;shesnatcheditup,justmissing

thecall,realisedshehadmissedatextwhileshewasintheshower.Herphonerangagainimmediately;
sherealiseditwasBlake,strivingforacasualtoneassheansweredthecall.

“You’reallright,”hesaidroughly,cuttingheroff.
“Ofcourse,”sheanswered,puzzled.
“Youdidn’tanswerbefore,”hecontinued.
“I’mfine,”shesaidshortly.“Iwasjustintheshower.”
Hepaused.“You’rebackattheapartment.”
“Yes,”shereplied.“Seeyousoonthen,”hesaidabruptlyandhungup.Christielookedatthephone,

herbrowcreased.Shecheckedthetext,ittoowasfromBlake,askingifshewantedtobecollectedfrom
shopping.Christiecontinueddressing,thrilledwiththematernityjeans,thegatheredtops,lookingagainat
thewarmerclothesforwinter.Shemovedoutintothelounge,lookingfortheextramerinobabyclothes
shehadboughtlater,afteracknowledgingthesenseofBlake’swords.

Shewasrelaxingonthesofalookingatthetinymerinoleggingsandlong-sleevedtopswithminute

domeswhensheheardthedoortotheapartmentopen.Blakecrossedthefloorinafewquickstrides,
pausingimperceptiblyasheregisteredChristieonthesofa,herlonglegsinwhatseemedtobenewjeans
andadeepbluetop,coveringthecontoursofherpregnancy,thesoftdrapingofthenecklinedrawinghis
eyestoherchest,hintingathercleavage.Herblueeyeswererelaxed,herunrulydarkhaircurlingaround
herface.

Blakesaidhername,hisdarkeyesstillsweepingoverher.Christiesmiled,seeminglyoblivioustohis

scrutiny.“Igotsomemorewintergear,”shesaid,holdinguptheminiatureleggings,tryingnottothinkof
theanimalmobile.“Likeyousaid.”Henoddedsilently,hiseyesstillfixedonher,suddenlyuncertain.He
hadalwaysbeenawareofChristie’sfigure,herarrestinglooks,buttonight,toseeherwearingthattop…
Heswallowed,acutelyconsciousofher,strivingforcontrol.

ChristiesawBlakewasholdingabagfromthestoretheyhadvisited.“Ithoughtyoumightwanttosee

whatLisaandIgot,”hesaid.Shenodded,stillsmiling,puttingdowntheleggings,swingingherlegsoff
thesofa,preparingtostand.“Don’tgetup,”Blakesaidabruptly,takingastepcloser,handingherthebag.
Sheunfoldedcarefullywrappedtissuetoseethreeminiaturewhitesleepingsuitsinvaryingsizes,
smoothedherhandoverthesmallestone,knowingtheywouldbeincrediblywarm,practical.

“Thankyousomuchforthese,Blake.I’llcallLisatonight,thankhertoo.”Christiesmiledupathim,

refoldedthetissue,slidthesleepingsuitsbackintothecarrybag.Herhandbrushedsomethingsoft;she
realisedtheoutfitswerenottheonlythingBlakehadpurchased.Sheliftedoutmoretissue,unpackedan
exquisitepalegreenembroideredwoolcardiganandmatchingleggings,thepatternoftheembroidery

carriedthroughtotherimofabeaniehatwithanoversizepom-pom.

Christierealiseditwasoneoftheoutfitsshehadlingeredover,weighingupthepracticalitybefore

dismissingit.Blakemusthaveseenher,sherealised.“Wethoughtwe’dgetyousomethingtoday,soyou’d
knowyouhaditanddidn’tdoubleup,”hesaidshortly,watchingherreaction,thinkingoftheanimal
mobile,themanytoydisplayshehadseen.Christienodded,heremotionsclamouring.Shekepthereyes
onthecardigan,notdaringtolookatBlake,hearingtheemphasisheputontheplural.

“I’lldefinitelycallLisa,”sherepeated.“Thanksforchoosingthese,though,Blake,”Christiesaid

politely,reluctantlyreplacingtheoutfitinthecarrybag.Blakeshrugged,wassilent,turningtowalkover
totheminibarafteraslighthesitation.Hehandedheramixedfruitjuicewithoutaskingwhatshewanted,
tookaseatoppositeher,drinkingdirectlyfromabottleofbeer.

Christiesatback,settingthebagdownandsippingherjuice.ShewatchedBlakeoutofthecornerof

hereye,thinkingfleetinglyofPaul,ofhisinsistenceofalwaysdrinkingfromaglass,acknowledgingthat
infactshehadn’tthoughtofPaulformostoftheafternoon.NowshewasacutelyconsciousofBlake,
thinkingbackovertheday,hiscomments,thegiftshehadchoseninconsultationwithLisa.

EmotionbattledwithreasonasChristiebecamemoreandmoreconvincedBlakeandLisawerein

somesortofrelationshipdespiteBlake’sdenial,hermindreplayingtheireasycommunication,theirjoint
gifttoher.HerlingeringdistrustafterAmanda’sbreachoftheirfriendshiponlyincreasedherfarreaching
assumptions,asChristiereluctantlyacknowledgedtoherselfBlakehadonlyreallybeenpolitetoday,
obviouslyatLisa’ssuggestion.

ConsciousofherthoughtsshewasscrupulouslypolitetoBlakewhenhespoketoher,askingabouthis

meetings,hisimminentbusinessdinner,makingapointoftalkingaboutthevarioustrampsandwalksshe
hadcompletedontheislandwithLisa.ChristiedidnotnoticeBlake’squestioninglookashetriedon
severaloccasionstoturnthediscussiontoherpersonallyonlyforhertobringLisa’snameintothe
conversation.

EventuallyBlakeshrugged,stoodupinonelithemovement.Christiekepthereyesfirmlyonherdrink,

emotioncrashingthroughher,guiltnotfarbehindasshecomparedherbehaviourtoAmanda’s.Blake
stretchedcasually,wanderedovertothekitchenwithhisemptybeerbottle.Christiestaredoutattheview
overDunedin,intenselyconsciousofBlakemovingaroundthelounge,realisinghehadreturnedtoher
withamenu,wasaskingifshewouldorderroomservice.Christielookedathim,smiledpolitely,shook
herhead,rememberingthefinediningrestaurantshehadseenadjoiningthehotelastheyarrived.“No,I’m
fine,thanks,”shesaidbriefly.

Christiehadwillinglyspentthemoneyshehadsavedthroughnothavingtopayforaccommodationand

petrolonextrasforthebabyandstillhadacushionofsavings,despitethematernityclothesshehad
purchased.Nonethelessshedidnotseethepointofspendingmoneyunnecessarily,uncomfortablyaware
ofwhataroomservicemealinahotellikethiswouldcost.Instead,Christiehadeatenalightmealata
foodcourtandpurchasedadrinkandsnackatasupermarketforlater.

“Isthatallyou’rehaving?”Blakeasked,thinkingbacktohercarefulbudgetingoverthedaydespite

hermanypurchases.

Christienoddedsilently,realisinghemusthavenoticedthesupermarketbagonthekitchenbench.

“Don’tyouhaveameetingtogoto?”sheasked,tryingtojokewithhim,distracthim,uncomfortableathis
questions.Hesmiledbrieflyinacknowledgment,lefttheloungeabruptly.

ChristiesaidgoodbyepolitelyasBlakelefttheapartmenttwentyminuteslater;theimageofhim

burnedintohermind,hishairstillslightlydampfromtheshower,hisfashionableshirtandbusiness
trousersemphasisinghisdarkgoodlooks.AtleastnowIcanrelax,Christiethoughtasthedoorclosed
behindBlake,stretchingoutonthesofa,theremoteinherhandasshechangedchannelsonthetelevision,
flickedthroughthemoviechannels.Hermindrangedbackovertheday;almostguiltily,sheagain
unwrappedthegiftsBlake—andLisa—hadgivenher,admiringthedetailingonthecardigan.Sheswung

roundattheknockonthedoor,frowning.

Blakemusthavecomebackforsomething,forgottenhiskeycard.Christiewalkedtowardsthedoor,

openingitautomatically,expectingittobeBlake,hergreetingfadingasshesawtheroomservicewaiter.
Hastily,shetoldhimhehadthewrongroom.

Thewaitersmiled.“Iwastoldtoprepareforanargument,”hesaidpolitely,hisprofessional

demeanournotquitedisguisinghisamusement.Christieblushed,realisingBlakehadorderedamealfor
her.Withoutanotherwordsheletthewaiterintotheroom,watchingashesetoutornatesilvercutlery,a
beautifullypresentedmealandasmallercoveredplatetogetherwithbottledmineralwaterandthe
particularjuiceshehadorderedatthewinery.

“Bluecodwithrisotto,”thewaiterexplainedasheopenedthejuice.“Anddessert.”Hetookthecover

offtoshowheraminiaturechocolatepudding,surroundedbypreciseswirlsanddotsofberrysauce,
smalldishesofcreamandicecream.Christie’seyesblurredasshesankintoadiningchair,quietly
thankingthewaiter,onlydimlyhearinghimshutthedoorbehindhim.

Blakehadorderedherbluecod.Hermindflewbacktothepubontheisland,Blake’sarrogant

assumptionsaboutwhatsheshouldorder,arroganceshenowrealisedwasamaskforhisperceptive
mind,hisuncannyabilitytounderstandher.Assheate,shelookedunseeingattheluxuriousfurnishingsof
theapartment,thetopqualityembossedchinathemealwasservedon,theflutedcrystalwineglassthe
waiterhadinsistedonpouringthejuiceinto.

Althoughthemealwassuperb,inherheartshecouldnothelplongingforthesausagesandinstantpasta

BlakehadcookedforheratMasonBay;themismatchedcutlery,thedented,speckledenamelplate,the
plasticcup,thesausagesthatwereburntononesideandbarelypinkontheother.Shesmiledtoherself,
rememberingBlake’slaughterduringthemeal,hisself-deprecationasheblamed“thecooker,notthe
cook.”

ChristiesuddenlythoughtofPaul,ofhisshallowfocusonappearances,onsuperficialmatters.I

wonderhowlongIwouldhavestayed.OrhowhappyIwouldhavebeen.Evenifhehadn’tcheated,
endedithimself.Allhisflashyclothes,hisendlesssocialisingandpretentiouscomments.That’snot
me,notreally.

AndhereIam,eatingwhatmustbeoneofthemostbeautifullypresented—andexpensive—meals

I’veeverhadandallIcanthinkofisapubmealandamealcookedonacampingstove.It’snotthe
food,though,isit,sheacknowledgedtoherself,sittingback.

Orthecost.
Christieshookherheadslightly,rememberingwhatBlake’smotherhadsaidaboutBlakeapparently

juststartingatthewinery.Orderingthiswasawastefulextravagance,shetoldherselffirmly,evenas
shesavouredBlake’sgesture,guiltilywonderingwhetheritwasasimplereactiontohisbeliefshehadn’t
eatenenough,orsomethingmore.Takeawayswouldhavebeencheaperthough,shethought,smilingto
herselfwryly.

Intheprivacyofhermind,ChristieallowedherselftothinkbackoverthetriptoMasonBay,thedesire

shehadfeltforBlake,thewarmthofsleepinginhisarmsafteraneveningofconversation—real
conversation—whereherideasandcommentswerechallengedbutrespectedatthesametime.And
Blake’ssenseofhumour,sometimesdry,oftenoutrageous,alwaysmakinghersmilereluctantly,orlaugh
helplessly.Anditwasthesamethatnightatthepub,admitit.Oritwouldhavebeen,ifIhadn’tbeen
sohungupaboutPaulandAmanda.Andontheferry…

Christietriedtostopherownthoughts,focusontherealityofhersituation,herpregnancy,knowing

Blakehadonlyeverwantedacasualflinganyway,rememberinghisreactiontoherpregnancy,his
coldnesstohisownfamily,hissilencewhensheaskedhimanythingpersonal.Noneofitaddeduptoany
possibilityofagenuinecommitment,sheknew.Andherowncontrarybehaviour,thespectreofPauland
Amanda’sbetrayal,hadhardlyhelped.

ToobadI’vefalleninlovewithBlakethen.Christieshookherself,suddenlyfilledwithasenseof

despairassheacknowledgedthefutilityofheremotions.Shepushedtheplateawayfromherfirmly,
decisively,seeingthebeautifulmealasasymbolofherlove,herdesire,forBlake,knowingitwas
pointlesstotrytofinishthebluecod,eatthedessert,toenjoytheflavoursandyettortureherselfwithher
unrequitedemotionsatthesametime.

TearssprungtoChristie’seyesasshestudiedthemeal.Unabletobearthesightofitonthedinner

table,shewrenchedherselffromthediningchair,mechanicallystackingtheplatesinthesinkasshe
discardedthepartlyeatenfoodintotherubbishbag.

—#—

Inherhazydream,ChristiecouldseePaul,turningtoyellatherashewalkedoutthedoor,hisface

indistinct,blurredasshecalledouttohim.AsiftoprotectherfromtheaftermathofPaul’sharshwords,
hermindlovinglyreplayedBlakecarryingheraftershehadfaintedintheislandpub,seizingonthe
opportunitytoembroiderherdreamwithatouchofpreciousmemory.

ChristieturnedawayfromwherePaulhadbeenstanding,relaxingintothestrongarmscarryingher,her

facepressedagainstthewarmcotton,murmuringtoherselfassheacknowledgedherattractiontoBlake,
realisingtheintimacyofherthoughtsasthedreamcontinuedtoentranceher,leadherfurtherawayfrom
reality.Sheclungtohim,lovingthesoundofhisvoice,thetouchofhishands,thestrengthofhisbodyas
helaidherdownonthebed,stretchedoutnexttoher.AndBlakewasrespondingtoherinarticulate
words,kissingher,hishandsmovingoverherbody,hisvoiceroughinherear.

Christiemovedclosertohimashecontinuedtotouchher,kissingherwithincreasingpassion,kisses

shereturnedardently,secureinthesafetyofthedream,adreamuntouchedbytheconstraintsofreality.
ShemurmuredaresponseasBlakesaidhername,hisvoiceuneven,urgent.Shefeltherselfbeingtakenin
hisarmsagain,hisvoicerepeatinghername.Christierelaxedinhisarms,notwantingtotalk.

“Christie,”Blakesaid,insistently.“Christie,wakeup.”HereyesflewopenassherealisedBlakewas

holdingherclose,hadcarriedherintothebedroomfromthesofa.Shecouldfeelhishearthammeringas
heheldher;shetensedinstinctively,notfullyawake,rememberingherresponses,thehazymemoryof
Paul.

“Ican’t…”shewhispered.
“Iknowwecan’t,”heagreed.Shefelthishandmovetolightlybrushthecurveofherstomach,return

toholdherinanembrace.

ChristiekeptherheadcurvedagainstBlake’schest,unabletolookathim.“Ifellasleeponthesofa…”

shesaid,sosoftlyhehadtostraintohearher.

“YouwerehavingabaddreamwhenIgotback,”hesaid.Shewassilent.
“WhoisPaul?”Blakeasked,hisvoicesuddenlybleak.Sheshiftedagainsthim,thinkingbacktoher

dream,tryingtorecallhersubconsciousthoughts.

“Thebaby’sfather,”Christiesaidquietly.“IthoughtLisawouldhavetoldyou.”
“LeaveLisarightoutofthisdiscussion,”hesaidbluntly,andChristiefeltashiverofuneaseatthe

threadofangerinhisvoice.Hewasquietforamoment.“Sothat’sthesamedreamyouhadatMason
Bay?”

Shenodded,herheadmovingagainsthischest.“But…”Christietriedtoexplain,fellsilentas

uncertaintygrippedher.Blakewaitedsilently.“Notexactlythesame,”Christiewhispered.

“No,”Blakeagreeddryly.“Thisoneseemedtohaveafewextrascenes.”Shelisteneddesperatelyfor

anyhintofhumour,ofunderstanding,somesortofsensitivity.

“Imean,Idon’thavethatdreamsooftennow,”shesaid,tryingtoexplain,determinedtoignoreher

humiliationatwhatshehadrevealed,herabandonedresponsestoBlake’stouch.

“Youtoldmeyoudidn’tknowyouwerepregnant,”hesaidbluntly.
“Ididn’tknow,”Christiesaid,realisinghestillthoughtshehadknownearlierandnottoldhim,was

connectingthedreamtoherpregnancy.“IjustthoughtIwastired,upset.”

“AboutPaul?”hesaidharshly.Christietriedtopullaway;herelaxedhisarmsslightly,moderatedhis

voice.“Whywereyouupset?”

“AboutPaul,”Christieconfirmed,pullingawayfromhiminearnest,hereyesagonisedathisfailureto

believeher.“Blake,please,Idon’twanttodiscussthisnow,”shesaid,overwhelmedbythecontrast
betweenBlake’sphysicalclosenessandhisharshquestioning.

“Whynot?’heasked,hisvoicerough.
“BecauseI’vealreadyexplainedandyoudon’tbelieveme,”shesaid,hervoicecatchingasshelooked

away,theglowofthehalllightdefininghertroubledexpressionintheshadowsofthebedroom.

Blakewasfuriousathisownlackofcontrol,atherwordsnow.“Idon’tbelieveyou?”herepeated

withrawemphasis.“ThenwhykeepmentioningLisa?Evennow?Whatwillittaketoconvinceyou?”he
said,emotioninhisvoice.

“BecauseIthought—”Christiebegan;heinterrupted,notlettingherfinish.
“WherewasyourconcernaboutLisatwentyminutesago?”heaskedcruelly.
“Blake—”
Hecontinued,notlettingherexplain,relentless.“ThishasnothingtodowithLisa,”hesaid,finalityin

hisvoice.“Youdon’ttrustme.Andyou’llinventanyreasonyouneedtoprovethattoyourself.That’s
reallyit,isn’tit?”Hemovedawayfromher,offthebed,stoodlookingdownather,hiseyesunreadable,
opaqueinthelowlight.“Iwokeyouup,Christie.Whatdoesthattellyou?”Heturnedandwalkedout
withoutanotherword.

ChristiestaredafterBlake,numb.Sheheardhimmovingaroundthelounge,thenthehallplungedinto

blacknessasthedoortohisroomclickedshut.Sheremainedonthebed,losingtrackoftimeasshestared
intothedarknessasshetriedtosortthingsthroughinheroverwroughtmind.Shedidnotremember
slippingbeneaththecovers,stillfullyclothed,uncaringofhernewclothes,fallingintoadreamlesssleep
thatwascolddespitethewarmthoftheroom.

ChapterTen

AvaguefeelingofnauseawokeChristieearlythefollowingmorning;almostimmediately,sheheard

thedistantbeepingofhercellphonealarm;itwasstillearly.Shelaystillforseveralminutes,realising
herphonewasstillintheloungeaftershehadsetitwhilewatchingtelevisiononthesofathenightbefore.
Anguishseepedthroughherassherememberedwhyithadbeenleftthere.Christiedreadedthethoughtof
thedrivebacktoArrowtown,steeledherselfforthenextfewhours.Shepushedbackthecovers,stillhalf
asleep,determinedtohaveashower.

ChristiemovedovertoclosethebedroomdoorjustasBlakeappearedinthedoorway,hisface

impassive.“You’reawake,”hesaidbriefly,noticingChristiewasstillwearingthesameclothes.Her
heartachedassheheardhisimpersonaltone,noticedhisdistantmanner.Shenodded,sayingnothing,
shuttingthebedroomdoorasBlaketurnedandwalkeddownthehallway.

Thirtyminuteslater,Christiewaspacked,readytogo,havingresolvedtotryandatleasttalktoBlake

onthewaybacktoArrowtown.Shewashurtathisassumptionsaboutherpregnancy,butstartingto
realisehowmuchPaul’sbetrayalhadskewedherusualtrustingnature.Christiepickedupherovernight
bagandhandbag,determinednottoaskforBlake’sassistance,realisingwithreliefthenauseahadfaded.

Blakestoodinthekitchen,lookingdownattheplatesinthesink,hisfacehard.Althoughhehadtried

todismissChristie’swords,hefoundhimselfturningtheconversationoverinhismind,tryingtopiece
togetherwhatshehadsaid.HeresentedherconstantmentionofLisa,unabletounderstandhowChristie
couldpossiblydrawsuchconclusions,knowingLisawouldneverhavesaidanything,impliedanything,to
giveChristiethatimpression.

Heheardasoundinthelounge;asheturned,herealisedChristiewasstandingbythecoffeetable,

pickingupherphone.Hiseyesnarrowedashesawshewascarryingherovernightbag.Blakehesitated
slightly,tryingtogaugehermood,thensmiledtohimselfasherealisedthefutilityofthatexercise.He
coveredthedistancebetweentheminafewpowerfulstrides.

Christielookedathimdefensivelyashereachedfortheovernightbag.Blakeshotheralook,exhaling

loudlybutsayingnothing.Hesawhermovetothesofa,lookovertowardsthedoor,herexpression
puzzled.“I’vealreadypackedallthegear.Allyourpracticalpurchases,”hesaid,inatonethatmadeher
lookaroundquickly.“There’sjustyourbag.Soifyou’rereadyweshouldgetgoing.”Christienodded
silently,stillnotsayinganythingastheywalkeddownstairsandcrossedthelobby.

Shestoppedabruptly,realisinginherturmoilshehadforgottenabouttheroomservicemeal.“Blake,

theminibar,themeal…”

“Allsorted,”hesaidimpassively.Christiedidnotmove;helookeddownather,wonderingwhyshe

stillwaited.

“Blake,you’vealreadypaidforpetrol,forlunch,you—”
“It’sfine,Christie,”hesaidshortly,interruptingher,wantingtogetontheroad,uncomfortably

remindedofherassumptionsabouthim,abouthiswork.Assumptionshehaddonenothingtocorrect.And
whatifIdidtellher,whatthen?Heturnedtheproblemoverinhismind.Dispassionately,hewondered
whatherreactionwouldbe.Hehadthoughtshewouldrealiseafterlunchatthewinery;hehadseenhis
father’sdiscreetglancestowardshimasChristiecontinuedtobeblithelyunawareofthetruesituation.

Blakethoughtbacktotheconversationsaboutthewinery,herreluctancewhenhetriedtoshowher

aroundthewinery,contrastedwithallofherquestionsandcommentsthatdisplayedherintelligence,her
perceptionaboutbusiness,eveninanindustrysheknewnothingabout.

ChristienoticedthatBlakewaspreoccupiedassheclimbedintothecarthatwasalreadyparkedonthe

hotelforecourt.Heslammedtheboot,comingaroundtothedriver’sside.“I’mgivingamatealiftbackto
Clyde,”hesaidunexpectedlyashestartedthecar.“Scott.You’vemethim,Iwenthuntingwithhimon
StewartIsland.”BlakelookedbrieflyatChristie,hisfaceimpassive.

Christie’smindswervedbacktoMasonBay,tothecheeky,friendlyhunterwhohadbeenquickto

introducehimself,jokedwithheraboutthesizeofhersleepingbagthatBlakehadsleptin.Again,her
mindveeredtotheeveningwithBlake,theconversation,sleepinginhisarmsonlyafewdaysbeforethe
factofherpregnancyroseuplikeawraithtoovershadowanyhopeof—LikeIneedtobethinkingof
thatnow,shethoughtpainfullyasshemadeaconsciousefforttoclampdownonherthoughts.

“Andhissister,Mel,”Blakewassaying.“Hecameupforaninterviewonafarm,andsheseemsto

havetaggedalongtoDunedinfortheshopping.There’sbeensomechangeofplan,Ijustgotatextlast
night.”Blakeshrugged,smilingwryly.“Nodoubtwe’llhearallthedetailsfromMel.Anyway,Ioffered
todrivethemback.Sowe’llpickthemupnow,they’restayingabouttenminutesdowntheroad.”

Irrationally,afterdreadingthetrip,Christienowfeltdisappointed,realisingshecouldhardlydiscuss

anythingsignificantinfrontoftwoofBlake’sfriends.“WhereisClyde?”Sheheardherselfaskthebanal
questioninafutileattempttobanishthememoryofthepreviousnight,therealisationshewasinlovewith
Blake,thedreamthathadsimplybeenasleepyreality.

Blakelookedather.“AfterAlexandra,”hesaid.“OnthewayIthoughtwe’dseeNasebyandSt

Bathans,followpartoftheRailTrail,”headded,wantingtoshowChristiesomeofthepicturesque
CentralOtagoscenesandtowns.Christielookedathimblankly,notrecallinganyofthesenamesfromthe
tripover.

“Youwereasleep,”hesaiddryly.
“I’mstartingtothinkit’sthestoryofmylife,”Christiesaidbeforeshecouldstopherself.Blake

grinnedather,abriefflashofhumourbeforeaguardedlookreturnedtohiseyes.“Ithoughtlastnight
aboutwhatyousaid,”Christiesaid,determinedtoatleasttrytoresolvethingsbetweenthem.Ifshewas
goingtobelivinginthedistrictforayearshewouldlikelyseeBlakefromtimetotime,evenwhileoutin
agroup;shedidnotwanttoleavethingsthewaytheywere.Shetoldherselfitwasbettertobe
businesslike,matteroffact,relentlesslyshuttingdownthesmallvoiceinsideherwantingtotalknormally,
flirteven.

“OnlywhatIsaid?”ChristielookedatBlakequickly,noticinghisemphasisonthelastword.Theflash

inhiseyeswasgonesoquicklyshethoughtshehadimaginedit;shelookedaway,outthewindow,before
turningbacktolookoutthewindscreen.

“Yes,”Christiesaid,hervoicedefinite.Blakewassilent,watchingtheroad.“YousaidIdon’ttrust

you,”shesaid,tryingtodisguisethesuddentremorinhervoice.Hesaidnothing,onlyglancedather.“At
thepub,whenIfirstarrivedontheisland,I—”

“Ididgetahellofashock,”hesaid,surprisingher.“Butyou’refromAuckland;you’dneedtobemore

cautiousupthere,wouldn’tyou?”Casually,henamedacoupleof

Auckland’smostwell-knownnightclubs.Christielookedathim,surprisedathiswords,hisknowledge

ofAuckland.

“Soundslikeyou’rearegular,”shesaidlightly.
Blakeshrugged.“Wereyou?”Nowhewaswatchingherintently,glancingbackattheroad.
“Yes,”shereplied,thinkingofPaul’sconstantneedforsocialising,theamountofmoneyhe—they—

hadspentonendlessnightsout,visitingnewclubs,tryingnewrestaurants.Christierealisedinhermonths
ontheislandshehadnotmissedclubbingatall,actuallypreferredthecasual,friendlyatmosphereofthe
pub.

“Withthefatheroftheyear?”ChristielookedawayasBlakespoke,brieflywonderinghowtorespond,

turnedbacktofacehim.

“Yes,”shesaid,herfaceset.“Withmyfiancé.Andmybestfriend.Whoarenowtogether.And

engaged.”Hewasshockedbyherwords,byhermatter-of-factexplanation,suddenlyrealisingwhyhis
angryreferencetocallingLisayesterdayprovokedsuchareaction,areactionhehadnotintended.

“Wellyou’rebetteroffoutofthatthen,”Blakesaidwithtypicalmasculineunderstatement.Despite

herself,ChristiesmiledatBlake’sbluntassessment.AnotherthoughtstruckBlake;hesworesoftly,
realisingheneededtotalktoher,now,beforetheyarrivedatthemotel,tellherwhatheshouldhavemade
clearyesterdaywhenshewasaskingabouthismeetings.

Again,heaskedhimselfwhyhehadinvitedheroutthenightbefore.Itwouldhavebeenaloteasierto

explainyesterday,hethoughttohimself.HerealisedChristiewastalking,askinghimabouthisfriends.
Heansweredherbriefly,stillpreoccupied.

“Christie,”hebegan,wonderinghowtotellher.Shelookedathim,herfacequestioning.“Mywork,”

hebegan,asherfacecleared.

“Iforgottoask,”Christiesaidpolitely.“Howdidthemeetinglastnightgo?”
“Howcouldyouforget?Wereyoudistracted?”hereplied,unabletoresistteasingher,watchingher

blushasshemethisgaze,herblueeyesuncertain.Toolate,Blakerealisedtheywerenearlyatthemotel.
Heswungthecarintothekerb,thinkingtheycouldtalkforamomentbeforedrivingintothemotel
forecourt,realisingwithasinkingfeelingScottandMelwerealreadywaitingonthefootpathoutsidethe
motel.

Blakedroveuptothem,jumpedouttoputtheirluggageintheboot.Melclimbedintothebackseat,

introducingherselftoChristie,hergenuinefriendlinessobviousimmediately.Christieshiftedinherseat,
turningtofaceMel,smilingatScottasheclimbedintositbehindher.“Goodtoseeyouagain,Christie,”
hesaid,grinningather.

ChristietriedtoignoreherowntirednessasMelaskedfriendlyquestions,seeminglyoblivioustothe

earlyhour.Christierespondedinkind,hereyeseventuallygrowingheavier,uncomfortablyawareaslight
feelingofnauseahadreturned,whichfadedagainevenasshebecameawareofit.“I’msorry,”she
apologisedsleepily,reachingforthetravellingrug,driftingoffassheheardBlake’svoicetellingherto
puttheseatback,Scott’svoicejoininghis,tellingherhewouldhaveplentyofroom.

Shewokeacoupleofhourslater,realisedtheseatwaspartlyreclined,smiledinwardlyassheheard

Melstilltalking.Christiestraightenedherseat,sittingquietlyforafewminutes,stillwakingup.“The
SleepingBeautyawakes,”Blakesaidlightly,gettingalaughfromMel.HelookedatChristie,hisgaze
intent,hisdarkeyesburning,remindingherofthenightbefore.

“Thisisn’tafairytale,”Christiesaidquietly,irritably,thinkingofhispreviousreferencestoLittleRed

RidingHood,knowinghewasteasingheragain.Melkepttalking,completelyoblivioustothe
undercurrentsbetweenBlakeandChristie,askingChristiewhenthebabywasdue.Christieanswered
politely,noticingBlake’shandstenseonthesteeringwheel,hiscarefullyimpassivefaceashewatched
theroad,hisprofilegivingnothingaway.

“That’sashame,Blake,don’tyouhavethatbigmarketingtripcomingup,toCalifornia?”Mel

continuedinnocently.“You’retryingtobreakintotheAmericanmarket,aren’tyou?Willthatmeanyou’ll
missthebaby’sbirth?”Stunned,Christieshrankbackinherchair,summoningallofherabilitiestokeep
herfaceneutralalthoughshepaledinshock,staredspeechlesslyatBlake,embarrassedbyMel’snatural
assumption,butalsowonderingaboutthetrip.

BlakeglancedatChristiequickly,immediatelynoticinghowupsetshewas.“Thedatesforthetrip

aren’tdefiniteyet,”Blakesaideventually,notcorrectingMel’sassumption,realisingChristiewouldbe
instantlyawareaninternationalmarketingtripwouldnotbemadebyavineyardworker.

“WellIguessyoucanarrangethedatesaroundthebabyanyway,”Melcontinued.
“I’msurehe’llsortitoutonewayoranother.”Scott’sdeepvoiceinterruptedMel;Christiesilently

thankedhimasMelfinallysubsided.Christielistened,stillnumb,asScottaskedBlakeaboutthenew
househewasbuilding,makingChristierealisejusthowlittleshereallyknewaboutBlake;theminimal
informationhehadsharedabouthimselfcontrastedwiththesearchingquestionsheaskedher,his
expectationsheshouldhavetoldhimaboutherpregnancyeventhoughshedidnotknowherself.

Shelookedatthedashboard,herfaceset,realisingfromScott’scommentsandBlake’srepliesthatthe

houseBlakewashavingbuiltwasonlymonthsfromcompletionandonalargelifestyleblock.Furyrose
upinChristieasshecontemplatedBlake’ssecretiveness,hermindreplayingherquestionsoverthepast
severalmonthsandBlake’sblandrepliesassoonassheaskedanythingpersonal,theadroitwayheturned
theconversationbacktoher.

Whycouldn’thebehonestwithme?Christieaskedherself,agonisingassherealisedhowmuchhe

haddeliberatelyshutherout.Theattractionshehadmadeobviouslastnightroseuptochokeher,the
memoryofherphysicalreactiontoBlake’stouchmockedher.Partofherwantedtojointheconversation,
butsherealisedthatwouldbeunwise,wouldonlybetrayhercompleteignoranceaboutBlake’sworkand
hishouse,causefurthercommentfromMel.

Christieelectedtostaysilent,acknowledgingtoherselfshewouldnotbeabletopolitelyanswer

furtherwell-meaningquestionsfromMel.SheheardMelsuggesttheystopforbreakfastasthey
approachedaroadsidecafé;satsilentlyasBlakeparked,hearingthetyrescrunchoverthegravelofthe
carpark.

Christieopenedthepassengerdoorafterabriefhesitation,misjudgingthepositionofthestepinthe

unfamiliarvehicle,almoststaggeringasshetriedtocatchherbalanceonthegravel.Scotthadjustclosed
therearpassengerdoor,instantlyputhisarmaroundher,supportingher,keepingheronherfeet.“You
‘rightthere?”heasked,concerned.

Distantly,ChristieheardBlakeswear,ashequicklywalkedaroundthecartoher,tookherarm,clearly

concerned.Deliberately,sheleanedslightlyintoScott’sside,stillfuriouswithBlake.“I’mfine,Scott,”
Christiesaid,asBlake’seyesnarrowed.“Thanks.”

Melhadwalkedonahead,keentogetintothecafé,hadnotseenChristiestumble.Scott’scheekyblue

eyesmovedfromMel’sretreatingback,metChristie’s.Hegrinned.“IcouldcallMelbacktointerview
you,reallymakesure?”Christiefoundherselfsmilingbackathimassheshookherhead,secretlywishing
itwasBlakewhohadhisarmaroundher.ShestraightenedupasScottremovedhisarmfromaroundher
waistasherealisedshewasallright,hadnotfallenover.Hewalkedonahead,clearlyassumingBlake
wouldlookafterChristie,wouldwanttotalktoherprivately.

Blakestoodclosetoher,hishandstillonherarm,makingherheartlurchassheacknowledgedher

reactiontotheslightesttouchfromBlakecomparedtoScott’spoliteassistance.“Christie,areyoureally
allright?”Ignoringhiswords,ignoringthetraitoroushopeinsideherthathewouldembraceher,she
straightenedtoherfullheight,facinghimassheshruggedoffhisarm.

“Whatisyourexactpositionatthewinery?”Christieasked.Blake’sfacetensed,hiseyesdarkening.
“Matterstoyou,doesit?”Thewordsspilledoutbeforehecouldthink;hehatedhimselfevenashe

deliberatelymisunderstoodChristie’squestion,impliedthroughhiscommentshewasonlyinterestedin
status.“I’mapartowner,”headdedquickly,knowinghewouldonlyhaveonechancetoexplain,tryingto
ignorethehurtplainonherface.

“Apartowner?”Christierepeated,stunned.“Sowhyletmethinkyouweresimplyworkinginthe

vineyard?”Hervoicebecameopenlysarcastic.“Andhelpingoutwithsales.”

Blakeexhaled.“Christie,let—”
Sheshookherhead,definite.“Ihavetotellyoueverylastpainfuldetailaboutmypregnancy,my

financesandyoucan’tevenbestraightwithmeaboutyourwork?”Christieglaredathimasshespoke.
“LittleMissChatterboxknowsmoreaboutyouthanIdo.”

“I’mnotresponsibleforyourassumptions,”hesaid,suddenlycold.“JustbecauseIdon’twearasuit

likePaul—”

Christiebrokein.“Ihavenevertoldyou—”
Blakeoverrodewhatshewastryingtosay.“YouwentandassumedwhatIdidatthewinery.You

assumedmyparentspaidforyourlunch.”Hesawherblush,embarrassed.“Itdoesn’tmatteraboutlunch,”
hesaidquickly.“WhatImeanis,youjustassumed—”

“Youneveransweredmyquestions,”Christieburstout.“AndhowwasItoknow…”Shebrokeoff,

thinkingofBlake’stactfulconcernaboutherbudgetingthedaybefore,feelinglikeafool.“Whoorganised
thathotelinDunedin?”sheaskedsuddenly,suspicionfillingher.

“Itwasthroughthewinery.”Hedidn’tanswerherquestiondirectly,infuriatingherfurther.
“Whoatthewinery?”Christiesaidstubbornly.
“Oneofmybusinesspartnersknowstheowners,”Blakesaidquietly.“I’veneverstayedtherebefore

butIgotareallygreatrate,becausethewinerysuppliestheirrestaurant,”headded,holdinghisbreath,
wonderingwhatelseshewouldaskabout,relievedassheremainedsilent.Hecontinuedspeaking,trying
toexplain.“Idon’ttellalotofpeople.”Blakelookedatherashespoke.“Straightaway,Imean,”he
amended,hisvoiceroughashethoughtofthegirlswhohadthrownthemselvesathim;hesensedthat
Christiewasbycontrastextremelyupset.

Shewaslookingupathimnow,hereyessnappingwithanger.“Protectingyourselffromgold

diggers?”

“Yes,”Blakesaidhonestly.
“Sonowit’syouthatdoesn’ttrustme?”Withoutanotherword,Christiewalkedacrossthecarparkand

intothecafé,stillstunnedbyhiswords,embarrassedbytheassumptionsshehadmadeandhisfailureto
correctthem,tobehonestwithher.

Scottjumpedupfromthetable,cameovertoherasshewalkedintothecafé.“Where’sBlake?”he

asked.“Gettingsomethingfromthecar,”shesaidbriefly.“MelandIwanttogetbreakfastforyouboth,”
hecontinued.Suddenly,Christiebecametiredofthepretence,ofBlake’scarefulfieldingofMel’s
questionsaboutthebaby.

“OrderBlakebaconandeggs,please,”shesaid,automaticallythinkingofwhathehadorderedthe

morningbefore.“But,Scott,BlakeandI…Melhasthewrongidea.SoI’llgetmyownbreakfast.Thanks
anyway.”

Scottlookedather,clearlyshocked.Herecoveredquickly,grinnedather.“Anotherbreakfastwon’t

breakthebank,Christie.You’llneedsomethingtofortifyyouforthehoursofquestioningahead.Whatdo
youwant?”ChristiesmiledathisjokingreferencetoMel’sceaselessquestions,lookingatthemenu,still
tryingtogatherherthoughts.ShelookedupassheheardScottorderingthemealsandsidedishes,
speakingwithoutthinkinginherconfusion.“Withfriedeggsforoneofthemeals,please.Andalong
black.Doyoumakethemwithadoubleshot?”

Scottturnedtoher,aslightsmileonhisface.“WouldBlakelikesausagesandmushrooms,Christie?”
“Justsausages,thanks,”shereplied.“Hedoesn’tlikemushrooms,”sheadded,thinkingofhis

commentstothewaitressthedaybefore,realisingtoolatewhatshewasrevealing.

Scottwatchedhersilentlyforseveralmoments.“Andforyou?”hesaideventually.
“Justtoast,please,”Christiesaid,flusteredatScott’sperception,hopinghewouldnotsayanythingto

Blake.

Scottsmiledather,agenuine,friendlysmile.“Areyousurethat’senoughforyou?”heasked

courteously.“IshouldwarnyouthatMelcanbeverydetermined.”

Blakewalkeduptothecounter,hearingScottorderingtoastforChristie,seeinghersmileatScott,both

ofthemlookingliketheyweresharingajoke.Blaketookadeepbreath,notwantingtomistake
friendlinessforsomethingmore,antagoniseChristiefurther,makingaconsciousefforttomaintaina
casualtoneashespoketoScott.

“I’veorderedyouafullcookedbreakfast,mate,”Scottreplied,notlookingatChristie.“Thanks,”

Blakereplied.“Anychanceoffriedeggswiththat?Andalongblack?”

“Undercontrol,”Scottsaid,hismouthtwitchingslightly.BlaketurnedtoChristie,feelingstrangely

excluded,likeScottandChristiewereinonaprivatejoke.

BlakenoticedChristiewasslightlyflushed;hiseyesnarrowedashespoke.“Christie,surelyyou

shouldordermorethanjusttoast.”Hepickedupamenu,scannedit,tryingtocamouflagehisemotionwith
action.“Ordersomethingelse,youjusthadtoastandasaladyesterday.Andyoudidn’tfinishdinner
either.”Hiseyes,suddenlycool,methers.

Christie’scolourdeepenedasshethoughtofthesuperbroomservicemeal,thereasonshehadn’t

finishedit.Shefoundhervoice.“Toastisfine,Blake,”shesaid,thinkingoftheintermittentnauseaearlier
thatmorning,thelackofsleep,thewayshehadunintentionallyrevealedherknowledgeofBlake’sfood
preferencestoScott.

Christielingeredbrieflyatthecounterbeforewalkingovertothetable,smilingpolitelyatMel,still

thinkingaboutwhatBlakehadsaidinthecarpark.SuddenlyshecouldnotwaittogetbacktoArrowtown
toseeLisa,tohavesometimetoherself.Hermindwasinturmoil;nothingseemedasshehadthought.
Christie’shandunconsciouslycurvedaroundherstomachasshetriedtofocusonthebaby,herplansfor
thefuture,thecontractingworkshehadbeenoffered.

BlakewatchedChristiewalkawayfromthecounter,tookouthisownwallet,thankingScottforpaying

forthebreakfastsandcoffees,checkingwhatChristiehadorderedtodrink.Scottshrugged;clearly
Christiehadnotorderedanything.Blaketurnedbacktothewaitressbehindthetill.“Andaddononehot
chocolate,”hesaid,glancingatthefridgedisplayingthedrinks,recognisingthejuicehehadseenChristie
orderthedaybefore.“Withextramarshmallows,please.Andoneofthosebottlesofjuiceonthesecond
shelf.Theonewithapple.”

Thewaitressofferedtobringthejuiceoverwiththehotdrinks;BlaketurnedtoScott,consciousofthe

othermanwatchinghimintently.“What?”Blakeaskedimpatiently,hisemotionsclosetothesurface.

Scottshruggedcasually,smiledatBlake.“Nothing,mate.MayaswellsitdownwithMeland

Christie.”

BlakewalkedovertothetablewithScott,stillwantingtotalktoChristie,feelingillatease.He

searchedforsomethingtosaytoChristie,somewayoftestingthewaters,heardScotteasilystarta
conversationwithChristie,heardheraskingScottquestionsabouttheinterviewhehadattended.Scott
talkedeasily,openly,abouthishopesoffindingworkclosertoClyderatherthanaroundDunedin,
explainingtheotherpositionshehadappliedfor.

BlakelookedoveratChristieasScottstartedtalkingaboutNasebyandStBathans,watchingChristie’s

sparklingeyes,herinterestedsmileasScottexplainedtherenownedCentralOtagolandscapetheywould
bedrivingthroughshortly.JealousysurgedthroughhimasheacknowledgedhehadwantedtotellChristie
himselfabouttheplacesScottwasmentioning,hadplannedtherouteforthatpurpose.

Thedrinksarrived,followedbythemeals;ScottsawChristie’seyesflytoBlake’sfaceandbackto

thejuiceandthehotchocolate,heardheruncertainthankyou,directedatthemboth.“Blakegotthosefor
you,Christie,”Scottsaideasily.HeturnedtoBlake.“Howisyourlongblack,Blake?”Blakelookedat
hisfriendsuspiciously,willingtobetScottwaswindinghimup,knowinghisfriend’sirrepressiblesense
ofhumour.

“Great,”hereplied.“Theymadeitwithadoubleshotanyway,eventhoughIforgottocheck.”Blake

sawChristielookingfixedlyatthesmallpacketsofjam,couldhaveswornshewasembarrassedforsome
reason.Scottsaidnothingfurther,startedtoeathiscookedbreakfast.

Withoutrealisingit,Christiebecamequiet,atehertoastautomatically,tuningoutMel’ssmalltalk,

givingonlythemostminimalreplies.ChristiewasrelievedwhenScottandBlakesuggestedgettingback
ontheroad,feelingbetterafterthetoastandhotchocolate,intendingtotakethefruitjuicewithher.

Stillpreoccupied,ChristiewalkedbacktoBlake’scar;hecasuallywalkednexttoher,openingthecar

doorforher.BlakeremainedstandingclosetoChristie,carefulnottotouchher,onehandremaining
millimetresfromherback,onehandalmostatherelbow,waitinguntilshehadclimbedintotheseat.
“Thanks,”shemutteredungraciously,bitterlyawarehehadnottouchedheratall,stillconfusedbyhis
secretiveness.BlaketriedandfailedtostophimselfcomparingChristie’stonenowtothetoneshehad

usedwhilethankingScottbeforebreakfast.

“Doyouwanttobeleftinpeace?”heasked,readingherperfectly,hisvoiceroughashesawtheglitter

oftearsinhereyes.

“Yes,”Christiesaid,realisingScottandMelwereapproachingthecar,avertinghereyes.
Blakeusedhisbodytoshieldherfromtheirview,hishandsbracedonthedoorframe.“Christie—”
“Forgetit,”shesaiddefiantly,tellingherselfshedidn’tcarewhatBlakesaid.Heraisedhishands

slightlyinagestureofsurrender,pushedthedoorshutwithoutanotherword.Christiefeltasthoughher
heartwasbreaking;shefocusedontheroad,determinednottolettearsoverwhelmher.Shecouldhear
ScottandMeltalkinginthebackseat,Blake’svoiceasheoccasionallyjoinedin.SheheardScott
commentonthescenery,lookedoutthewindowwithrealinterest,amazedatthebarren,alienlandscape,
thetussockandundulatinghillsinthedistance.

ChristieglancedtowardsBlake;hewasgazingrigidlyahead,notlookingather,barelyacknowledging

Scott’ssuggestiontheydetourtoStBathanstoshowChristietheBlueLakeandthehistoricmainstreet.
Silently,BlakeindicatedtoturnoffontheroadtoStBathans,eventuallypulledintothecarparkopposite
thehotel,turnedofftheengine.ScottandMeljumpedoutofthecar,keentostretchtheirlegs.Christie
movedtoopenthedoor.

“Justwaitasecond,”Blakespokequietly.
Christielookedaroundindisbelief.“I’mnotaninvalid,Blake.JustbecauseIslippedonce—”
“Takeiteasy,Christie,”hereplied,hisvoicelow.Shecontinuedtoopenthedoor,climbedoutofthe

car,consciousBlakewaswatchingher.Christiewanderedaround,stayingclosetothecarpark,enjoying
thefreshair,drinkingthejuice,tryingtocooldown.Shestartedtorelax,walkeddowntowardsthelake,
admiringthecrystalbluecolour,readingtheinformationboards.

ThelongcartriphadonlydeepenedheracuteawarenessofBlake.Hisreactions,hisvoice,only

intensifiedherrealisationthatshewasinlovewithhim,madeherthinkagainofthenightbefore.Blake
holdingher,strokingher,kissing…Stopit,shetoldherself,gazingacrossthelake.

Mel’swords,hercasualquestions,hadshockedChristiedeeply,madeherrealiseBlakehadtoldher

virtuallynothingabouthimself,keptpartsofhislifetotallysecret.Hermindplayedoverthelunchwith
hisfamily,thedisconnectionthatwasapparentdespitehisparents’warmthtowardshim,andher.Ionly
hopeScottdoesn’ttellBlakeIfaithfullyorderedhimhisidealbreakfast,Christiethoughttoherself
wryly,furiouswithherselfovertheslip.IfhedoesI’lljusthavetosaysomethingaboutremembering
whathehadforbreakfastthedaybefore,shethought,acknowledgingtoherselfthewayshehad
unconsciouslystoredupeverypieceofinformationBlakehadtoldherabouthimself,noticedand
rememberedhispreferences.

ChristietensedassheheardBlakesayhername,spunroundtofacehim.“We’llneedtogetbackon

theroadsoon,”hesaid.Shenoddedsilently,startedwalkingbacktothecar.“Unlessthere’sanywhere
elseScottwantstoshowyou?”

Christieturnedbacktofacehim.“Whydon’tyourunoffandfindashopassistant?”sheretorted,her

eyeschipsofblueice.“Anddon’tlecturemeabouttrust.”Shesawhisfaceflushashestoodwatching
her,clearlyuncomfortable.

“Idotrustyou,”hesaidinalowvoice.
“Goodtoknow,”Christiesaidsarcastically.“SoIdon’tneedtoexplainaboutScottthen.”
“No,ofcoursenot,”Blakesaidafteraslighthesitation.Hesearchedforthewordshewanted,failedto

findthem.AtMasonBayhehadseenher,talkingtotourists,thatsameoutgoingnature,thesparklingeyes,
thefriendliness,thesameexpressionhehadseenonherfaceearlierasScottandChristiespokeinthe
café.Anunfamiliarflashofenvyshotthroughhimashecontemplatedhisfriend’seasy-goingopennature;
theopennessChristieseemedtovaluesomuch.Andthenbychance,Scotthadbeenthefirsttoassisther
whenshehadmisjudgedthecarstep.Unbidden,thenightatthepubedgedintoBlake’smind,thewayhe

hadfeltrealisingChristiehadbeenhassledbysomedrunkandMarkandIanhadbeentheretohelpher
ratherthanhim.

BlakethoughtbacktoScott’swordsafewminutesago;clearlywaitinguntilMelwasoutofearshot.

BlakehadbeenquietlystunnedasScottcasuallymentionedChristie’swordsatthecaféaboutnotbeingin
arelationshipwithBlake.Christie’sfaintsadnessatbeingasinglemotherwasobvioustoBlake,no
matterhowcarefullyshecamouflagedherfeelings;hefoundithardtobelieveshehadcasuallydisclosed
thisfacttoScottwhileorderingbreakfast.

UncertaintyhadgrippedBlakeashewonderedifChristiewasattractedtoScott,waslettinghimknow

shewasunattachedforthisreason;determinednottoletScottguessthetruth,hehadmadesome
noncommittalresponse.“Couldhavefooledme,mate,”Scotthadreplied,grinningathim,lookinglikehe
wantedtosaysomethingmore.BlakehadchangedthesubjectbuthadbeenunabletoeraseScott’s
mischievousgrin.

Now,Blakecouldnotthinkofwhattosay,howtoaskChristiewhathewantedtoknowwithout

ignitingherfieryresponse.Ataloss,hestartedwalkingbacktowardsthecarpark,decidingsilencewas
safer.

“IguessI’dbetterprepareforabarrageofquestions.”Amazed,BlakerealisedChristiewastalkingto

him,hervoicedeadpan.Hestoppedwalking,waitingforhertocatchup,hisgazequestioning.“Scott
thoughtweweretogether,wantedtogetbreakfastforbothofus.”Shelookedupathimbriefly,mentally
crossingherfingersScotthadnottoldhimaboutherorderingBlake’sbreakfast.“SoIhadtotellhimwe
weren’t.Anditwon’tbelongbeforeMelfindsout.”

AwaveofreliefwashedoverBlake,mixedwithhumourasherealisedChristiewassofiercely

independentshewouldn’tevenacceptafreebreakfastfromoneofhisfriends.“ButScottdidgetyou
breakfast,”Blakesaid,tryingtokeephisvoiceneutral,realisingnowwhyshehadtoldScott.

Christiesmiledsuddenly.“ScottsaidIneededtokeepmystrengthupforthehoursofquestioning

ahead.”

“Don’tworry,”Blakesaid,hisvoicebecominglight,teasingashestartedtorelax.“Scottwon’thave

beenabletogetawordinedgewisetotellMelanything.”Christiefellsilent,realisinghowmuchshe
enjoyedBlake’sabrasivewit,hisdrysenseofhumour,evenassheacknowledgedthehurtshefeltathis
lackofopennessabouthislife.Hergazebecametroubledassheapproachedthecar,filledwithdoubtas
shethoughtagainofBlake’ssecretiveness.

Christieheardtheclickofthecarunlocking,reachedforthedoor,tensedasshefeltBlake’shands

lightlyonherwaistashestoodclosetoher.“Itoldyoutoholdon,”hesaid,hisvoicelow,suggestive,an
unmistakeableechoofhiswordsontheferry,wordsthatseemedalifetimeagonow.

Herbodyalmostbetrayedher,thelongingtorelaxbackagainsthimsostrongitwasatangiblethingto

her,onlyemphasisinghissolicitousattention.“ItoldyouI’mfine,Blake.”Desperatetodisguiseher
longing,theseductivenessofBlake’sconcern,shespokecoldly.Heinstantlyremovedhishands,stepped
awaywithoutaword.Christieclimbedintotheseat,herfaceset.

Inhermind,Blake’ssecretivenesswasanotherrepresentationofPaul’sinfidelity,hisbetrayal,as

ChristieaskedherselfwhyBlakehaddeliberatelywithheldanyexplanationabouthiscareer,hisnew
home.Herthoughtsbattledwiththememoryofhistouch;shebarelynoticedBlaketurnthecarbackonto
theroad,hardlyregisteredorrespondedtoScott’squestionsaboutherimpressionsofthelandscapeand
thesmalltownstheyhaddriventhrough.

Exhaustedbyherthoughts,Christieeventuallymadeaconsciousefforttojointhediscussioninthecar,

welcomingthedistraction.Melhadfallenasleep;ScottandBlakewerediscussingBlake’shouse,the
progressofthebuilders,whatstillneededtobedone.Interesteddespiteherself,Christiemadeacouple
ofcomments,askingaboutthedesign,theplans.Blakeshotheralook,obviouslytakenabackbyhergrasp
ofpracticaldesign,thedimensionsofthehome.

Clearlymakinganeffort,hevolunteeredinformationaboutthedesign,answeringherquestions,

respondingtohergenuineinterest.ScottbecamequietandChristierealisedhetoowasasleep;thatthe
conversationwasnowsolelybetweenherandBlake.

“Yousaidyesterdayyouwereinterestedindesign,”Blakesaid,searchingforaneutralcomment.

Christienodded,explainedshehadstudieddifferentaspectswhileobtaininghergraphicdesign
qualifications.“Ineedideas,”Blakesaidsuddenly.“Forinside.”Christieshrugged,tryingtomaskthe
wayshewasfeeling.Itwouldbeanamazinghousetosee,obviously,thefeaturesthearchitecthad
includedsoundedinnovative,butthelastthingshewantedtodowasinvolveherselffurtherwithBlake.

Inherwork,hercareer,shewasconfident,decisive,butnowshewassuddenlyconsciousoffeeling

outofherdepth,uncertainofherability.Silently,Christierealisedthiswasbecauseofherfeelingsfor
Blake,instinctivelytriedtoshieldherselffrommoreheartbreak.Sheshookherhead,tryingtojustifyher
reluctance.

“Idon’tthinkIcouldhelp,Blake.Idon’tknowanyoftheshopsaroundhere.Andit’ssucha…”she

falteredsuddenly,“personalthing.It’syourhomeafterall…nooneelsecouldtellyouwhattolike,what
tochoose.”Christiestoppedabruptly,lookedaway.

Blakehadseentheflashofinterestinhereyes,herunmistakeableinterestintheconversation,was

frustratedatherrefusaltohelp.“Lookateverythingyou’vefoundinDunedin,justbyusingtheInternet,”
hesaid.“Anditwon’tbefinishedforseveralmonths.Youcouldlookatitthen,givemesomeideas.OrI
couldchoosethecolours,andyoucancheckwhatI’vechosen.”Hehadcontinuedtospeakasthoughshe
hadnotturnedhimdown.

“No,”Christiesaid,softlybutfirmly.“Sorry.”
“Butyou’dhelpifitwasLisa’shouse,wouldn’tyou?OrScott’shouse,”Blakecontinued,naming

otherpeopletheybothknew.Christiekeptherfaceaverted,didn’tanswerhim.SheheardBlakeexhale
buthesaidnothingfurther,droveinsilence,upsetatherrefusaltohelp.

“ThosenightclubsinAucklandsellyourwine,”Christiesaidsuddenly,surprisinghim.
Herealisedshewasthinkingaboutthewinery,glancedather.“Yes,”hereplied.
“Sothat’swhyyouknowthoseclubs,”shecontinued.Andthatrestaurant,shethoughtsilently,

rememberinghiscommentatMasonBay.Henodded.

Christiekeptaskinghimaboutthewinery,thepinotnoirtheregionwasfamousfor,theothervarieties,

followingonfromtheconversationatlunchwithhisfamily.“Andhowdidyoubecomeapartownerof
thewinery?”Christieasked.Blakeansweredafterabriefhesitation,explaininghowhehadstudied,then
workedoverseasatwineriesandinviticultureintechnicalpositionsandthenmanagement,saved
considerablecapital,thendecidedtoreturnhomeforthelifestyle.Christienoticedhedidnotmentionhis
familyasafactorinhisdecisiontoreturntoNewZealand.

Blakekepttalking,tellingChristiehowhehadfoundoutaboutthewinery,whichhadbeeninfinancial

difficulty,needingbackers,howluckwithaninvestmenthadmeanthehadbeenabletopurchasenotjust
aninterestbutamajorityshare,togetherwithbusinesspartnershehadknownforyears.

“SoI,we,areworkingtoturnitaround,”hecontinued.“IwenttoStewartIslandtohelpTonyout,he’s

alsogotasmallsilentshareinthewinery,aswellasthetourismventure.Heneededsomebusiness
advice.Onceweknewthewinerypurchasewasdefinitelyhappening,itwasagoodchancetogettogether
andplan.Andwiththehouse,it’sbeenbusy,”headded,silentlythinkinghowhehadtravelledbetween
theislandandthewinery,drawnbacktotheislandatanyexcuse,farmoreoftenthanhehadeverplanned,
byChristie’spresence.“Iwantedtohelpwiththehouse,butthere’sbeensomuchgoingon,intheend
I’veleftalotofittothebuilderandsubbies.”

BlakeglancedatChristieashedrove.“Subcontractors,”heexplainedautomatically,seeingher

unspokenquestion.

Christiesaidnothing,stillembarrassedbyherearlierassumptions,Blake’scommentsaboutthe

incorrectconclusionsshehaddrawn,thecomparisonstoPaulhehadaccusedherofmaking.Butthat’s
nottrue,shethoughtdesperately,stillupsetthatBlakehadnottoldherthetruthtostartwith.“Whatelse
haven’tyoutoldme?”sheaskedweakly,tryingtojoke,uncertainofherfeelings.

“That’severything,”helied,hisheartpounding.Christieremainedsilent.

ChapterEleven

Twentyminuteslater,afterdroppingMelatherflat,Blakepulledintoalongcurvingdrivewayonthe

edgeofClyde,shadedbymagnificentestablishedtrees.Christielookedoutthesidewindow,seeinga
hugecoppercoloureddogcomingouttobarkferociouslyatthecar.

“He’sateddybear,really,”Scottsaidwithalaugh,jumpingoutofthecar,grabbingthedogwithrough

affection,smilingasthedoggrowledsoftlyasifingreeting.IgnoringBlake’sautomaticcaution,Christie
gotoutofthecar,fascinatedbythedog—anotherthingPauldidn’tlike,shethoughtsuddenly—realising
itwasnowsittingobedientlybyScott,itstailthumpingthegravelingreeting.

Christieapproached,askingScottaboutthedog,reachingouttopatit,noticingitsambercolouredeyes

watchingher,thealertexpression,thesoftgrowlchangingintonebutnotintheleastthreatening.Scott’s
parentscameoutofthehouse,greetedherpleasantly.

Thedaywasalreadybakinghot;suddenlyfeelingfaint,Christiereturnedtothecarforherwater

bottle,realisedBlakehadcomearoundtotalktoScott’sparents,unloadedScott’sbag.Seeinghergetthe
bottledwater,Scottimmediatelysuggestedtheystayforadrink;ChristiewasawareofBlake’sstillness,
hishesitation.Shelookedathimoutofthecornerofhereye,recognisedthetensenessinhisbody.

Blakespokebeforeshecould,sayingtheyneededtobeontheroad,togetbackforhiswork

commitments.Christiefrowned,unabletofathomtheundercurrentinBlake’sresponsetoallofScott’s
suggestions.Halfannoyed,halfrelieved,wantingtobebackinArrowtownsoshecouldrest,Christie
turnedtoScottandhisparents.“Iwouldjustliketogoforaquickwalk,stretchmylegs,beforewego,”
shesaid,askingifshecouldwanderroundthegarden.

Thedogboundedtojoinher,hiscoppercolouredcoatglowinginthesun,thecoloursofthesummer

gardenbrilliant.BeingoutinthefreshairrelaxedChristieaftertheturmoilofthejourneybackfrom
Dunedin;sheknewitwasnowonlyaboutanhour’sdrivebacktoArrowtown.Stillnoticingtheheat,she
sippedatherwater,seeingawoodenseatintheshade,walkinginthatdirection.Shehadreadhow
pregnancycouldaffectbodytemperature,wasacutelyawareofthehotday,thesunonherface.

Christiesettledontotheseat,automaticallypattingthedogasitstayedclosetoher,pleasedtobeinthe

shade,thinkingaboutBlake’sreactiontoScott’sinvitation.ItwascleartoherBlakedidnotinfacttrust
her,wasoverreactingtoeverythingScottsaid,nomatterhowinnocuous.AndnowBlakewasupsetshe
hadrefusedtohelphimwithhishouse…Shesighedsoftly,hereyesreflectiveasshetriedtothinkofa
waytoextricateherselffromBlake’sassumptionshewouldhelp.

ChristiehadbeenembarrassedwhenBlakehadaskedwhethershewouldhelpLisaorScott,hadnot

knownhowtorespond,uncomfortablyawarehewasright.Christiesilentlyacknowledgedtoherselfthe
costtoBlakeforthetriptoDunedin,partownerofthewineryornot.Hehadpaidforpetrol,formostof
themeals,sharedhisownbusinessaccommodationandnowshehadrefusedtohelphimwithsomething
withinherexpertise.

Christiesquaredhershoulders,gazingatthemagnificentgardenwithoutreallyseeingitasshetriedto

thinkofawaytohelpBlakebutstillmaintainadistancefromhim.Hisevidentlackoftrusthurtherand
sheknewthatthrowingherselfintoadesignprojectwithhimwasarecipefordisaster.Thedogputhis
headonherknee,whinedsoftly.“Exactly,”Christiesaid,smilingsuddenly,rubbingthedog’sears.

“Feelingallright?”SheturnedaroundatthesoundofBlake’svoice.
“Fine,”shesaidbriefly,lookingupathim,clampingdownontherushofdesire,maintainingapolite

tone.

Blakewatchedher,hesitatingbeforehespokefurther.Hiseyesweredark,shadowed.“Isupposeyou

didwanttostayforadrink,didyou?”hesaidabruptly,thinkingofChristie’srefusaltohelphimwithhis
house,herevidentfriendlinesswithScott.JealousysurgedthroughBlakeagain.

Christielookedbackatthedog;itsambereyeswerefixedonher.Shestoodup,pickingupherwater

bottle.“No,”shesaidclearly.“NotifitmeanswatchingyoumisinterpreteverythingScottsays.”

“IsaidItrustedyou,”Blakeprotested.
“Yes,yousaid,”shereplied,emphasisingthelastword.
“ButnotScott?”sheguessed.
“Ofcourse,Itrustbothofyou,”Blakesaid,clearlyuncomfortable.
“Sowhat’stheproblemthen?”Christiesaidbluntly.
Hewassilent,notwantingtoacknowledgethewayhewasfeeling,bitterlyawarehecouldnot

reasonablyobjectevenifsheandScott…Deepdown,Blakeacknowledgedhewasbeingunreasonable,
thathisfriendwasonlybeingpolite,Christiethesame.Forsomereasonhefoundhecouldnotexpunge
theimageofChristielaughing,talkingopenlywithScottatthecafé,herrelaxedacceptanceofScott’s
assistancewhenshealmostfell,hercoldnesswhenhehimselftriedtohelpher,contrastingsocompletely
withherwordsinthenight.Imayaswellstillbethestrangerontheferry,Blakethoughttohimself
silently.

Ofcoursehehadbeenawareofthetalkontheisland,theripplethathadgonethroughthecommunity

onChristie’sarrival,hergenerallyacknowledgedstrikinglooksthesubjectofmuchdiscussionamonghis
mates.Hehadmanagedtokeepadistancefromallofthat;nowforthefirsttimehehadwatchedoneof
hisclosefriendsreallyinteractwithChristie,gettoknowher.

Realisingshewaswatchinghim,waitingforananswer,Blakekepthistonecasual.“Thereisno

problem,Christie.Scotthasinvitedustostayforadrink,evenforanearlylunch,uptoyou.”Christie
lookedaway,farfromconvinced,noticinghisdeliberatelyunconcernedtone.Thedoghadmovedoverto
sitbyBlake;shelookedatitamoment,hergazemovingbacktoBlake’sface.

Christierealisedshewasstartingtofeelslightlylight-headed,almostdizzy,eventhoughshewasinthe

shade.Suddenly,shelongedfortheair-conditionedcoolofBlake’scar,hopingtobeabletorest.“Can
wegetbackontheroad,Blake?”sheaskedsoftly.“Yousaidyou’vegotyourwork…”

Hervoicetrailedoff;Blakewatchedhersuspiciously,wonderingifshewasbeingsarcastic,thinking

hehadmadeapoliteexcusewheninfacthedidhaveacrucialmeetinglaterthatafternoon.

—#—

Christieleanedback,recliningtheseat,tryingtocounterthelightheadednessshefelt.Blakelooked

overather,saidnothingasshesatforward,adjustedtheairconditioning,tryingtocooldown.Shelay
backagain,suddenlyfeelingcold,pullingthetravelrugupasshedidso;discardingitimmediatelyasit
feltprickly,hot,onherskin.Herstomachlurchedassheflushedhot,thencoldagain.Christieclosedher
eyes,realisingtheextremelyhotdaywasmakingherfeeltired.

SheheardBlakeaskifshewasalright,nodded,mutteredareply.Thedizzyfeelingonlyintensified,

preventedherfromsleeping.InsteadChristiesimplykepthereyesclosed,tryingtorelax,focusingon
gettingbacktoLisa’sparents’place,wantingtobebyherself,heremotionsexhausted.Blakedidnot
speakagainandChristiewaiteduntilthecarstoppedbeforesheopenedhereyes,knowingLisaandher
parentswouldbeatthefamilywedding.

Christiesatupgroggily,tensingassherealisedtheywereinacarpark,notthedrivewaysheexpected.

WeshouldbeinArrowtownbynow.Shelookedaround,panickingslightly,lookingbackatBlake,
suddenlyanxious.“Wherearewe,Blake?IwanttogetbacktoLisa’splace.”

“Frankton,”hesaidtersely.TootiredtoargueChristiesankbackintotheseat.“I’lljustwaithere,”she

said,tryingtomakeherselfcomfortable,hopingwhateverheneededtodowouldbequick.Blakegotout
ofthecarwithoutanswering,gentlyshuttingthedoor.Christietiltedherhead,closinghereyesagain,
imaginingherselfresting,tryingtoblockoutthoughtsofthebaby,ofBlake,whathadhappenedatthe
apartmentinDunedin.

Blake’spresenceonlythrewPaul’sabsenceintosharprelief,seeingScottandMel,hearingabouttheir

carefreelives,onlyemphasisedthechangesababywouldforceontoherlifestyle,hercareer.Doubtsthat
shehadkeptatbayorignoredsuddenlyfloodedintohermind.Dully,sheopenedhereyes,gazedunseeing
throughthewindscreen.Herbabywasdueinaroundthreemonths;sheknewsheneededtomake
decisionsaboutthebirth,followtheprofessionaladviceofthedoctorshehadseeninInvercargill.
Christieclosedhereyesagain,triedtorelax,hopingBlakewouldreturnquickly.

Sheheardthesoundofthepassengerdoor,feltthewarmair,openedhereyesreluctantly.Blakewas

standingthere,watchingher.“What?”Christiesaid,unnerved.He

gesturedtothebuilding.
“Thisisthehospital.You’regoinginforacheck-up.”
Christielookedathim,stunned,shookherhead.“I’mfine.”
“No,you’renot.”Shecouldnotmeethiseyes,hisintentlook.Shelookedatthedashboard,said

nothing.“Areyou?”heasked,insistingonananswer.Christielookedathim,hereyeshuge,hunted,
refusingtoanswer.“Atleastyou’renotarguing,”Blakesaid,hiseyesneverleavingher.“Ican’tgethold
ofLisa,”hesaideventually.

“She’satawedding,”Christiesaid,heranxietyspirallingasshecontinuedtellingBlakeirrelevant

detailsabouttheweddingLisaandherparentswereattending,tryingtochangethesubject.

Blakeinterrupted,saidhernameabruptly.“Ifyoucanlookmeintheeyeandtellmeyou’reokay,I’ll

takeyoubacktoArrowtown.”

“I’mworriedaboutthebaby,”Christiesaidhesitantly,lookingbackatthedashboard.
“Wellcomeinandgetacheck-upthen,”Blakesaidmatter-of-factly.Christieunclippedherseatbelt,

realisingBlakehadassumedshehadaspecificconcernthatcouldberesolvedbyacheck-up,ratherthan
themingledanxiety,resentmentandfearthatwasfillingher.

BlakewatchedChristielikeahawk,movingonlyfractionallytoallowhertoclimboutofthecar,

walkingsilentlynexttoherintothehospitalwherehehadclearlyalreadyspokentothemedicalstaff.She
feltembarrassed,vulnerableasshesatonthehospitalbedinthesmallexaminingcubicle.Blakestood,
leaningonthewall,seeminglyunconcerned.

ThiswashardlythewayIwantedBlaketoseeme.Christiehazilyfoughtoffanotherwaveof

dizziness,dreadinganothercheck-upwherewell-meaningdoctorsaskedpolitequestions,enthusedabout
thebaby,toldherhowmuchshemustbelookingforwardtothebirth.

Suddenly,realfearswampedChristie.Whatifsomethingwasreallywrongwiththebaby;whatifshe

hadamiscarriage?Whatifshedidn’t;couldshereallybringupababyherself?Hermindseesawed,
imaginingdifferentvariables,herpragmaticplanningandusualcommonsensesweptasideasshe
struggledtothinkofanythingpositiveaboutthebaby.

Nervouslyswallowingherpride,ChristieturnedtoBlake,tryingtofindthewordstoaskhimtostayin

theroom.“Blake,canyouplease—”

“I’llleavewhenthedoctorarrives,”Blakefinishedhersentence,hiseyesmeetinghers.Hesawa

flashofemotioninhereyesbeforeshelookedaway,sayingnothingfurther.Herheartachedathis
impersonaltone,wishinghewouldstay,realisinghedidn’twantto.

Blakewassilent,seemingimpatient,glancingtowardsthecorridor.Hewantstogetbacktowork,

Christiethoughtdully.Notsitheredealingwithpregnancyandmoodswings.Sheheardhimtalking,
summonedapolitesmileashetoldherhewouldwaitoutsidenow,walkedoutwithoutanotherword.

Christieswungherlegsontothebed,leanedbackjustasthedoctorwalkedinandintroducedherself,

askedChristieseveralquestionstoensuretherewasnocriticalemergency,examinedherbriefly.“You
mightliketoaskyourpartnertocomein,”thedoctorwenton.“Puthismindatrest.”

“Yeahright,”Christiesaid,irrationallyfeelinglikeburstingintotears.“Hesaidhe’swaitingoutside.

Andhe’snotmypartner.”

Thedoctorraisedhereyebrowsslightly,givingChristieanassessinglook.“Wellhe’savery

concernedfriendthen,”thedoctorsaidcalmly.“PerhapsI’lljustdoublecheck;ifhewantstocomein,is
thatallright?”Christieshrugged,thedoctor’swordsonlyincreasingherturmoil.“Isthatayes?”the
doctoraskedgently.

Christienoddedbriefly.“Onlyifhewantsto,”shesaidlamely.“Idon’tneedhim.”Thedoctornodded,

smilingasshelefttheroom,returnedinstantlywithBlakewhoresumedleaningagainstthewall.Christie
avertedhereyes,suddenlyself-conscious.

“IsChristieallright?”Blakesaidsuddenlytothedoctor.“Thebaby?”
“Iamhereintheroom,Blake,”Christiesaidsarcastically,herownworryaboutthebabyspillingout

inhertone,knowingBlakewouldwanttogetgoingassoonaspossible.

ThedoctorspoketoBlakecalmly.“We’rejustestablishingthat.IsuggestedtoChristieitmightbe

betterifyouwereintheroomtoseethingsfirsthand,keephercompany.”Acutelyawarehewasonly
therebecausethedoctorhadsuggestedit,Blakefellsilent.

ThedoctorstartedaskingChristiequestionsabouthowshewasfeeling;sheansweredbriefly,

painfullyconsciousofBlakeasheshiftedposition,foldedhisarms.

“Sheseemstiredallthetime.”Unabletohelphimself,BlakeinterruptedChristie’smonosyllables.
“I’mpregnant,Blake,”Christiesaiddefensively.
“That’strue,”thedoctorsaidmildly.“Butyoushouldn’tbesotirednow,atthisstageofyour

pregnancy.Howareyousleeping?”

Christielookedatthedoctor,feelingtrapped,regrettingallowingBlakeintotheroom.Blakewhowas

soperceptive,Blakewhocouldalwayssecond-guessher.“Youdidn’tsleepwelllastnight.Andyou
barelyeat.”Again,Blake’smatter-of-factassessmentcutthroughherhesitation.

“Itwasjustonenight,”Christieburstout,stungbyBlake’sreferencetoherlackofsleep.“AndIdon’t

feelwelltoday,butit’sjusttheheatandlackofsleep.Simple.”

“That’sprobablyright,”thedoctoragreed.“Butwe’lljustmakesure.”ThedoctoraskedChristieif

thishadhappenedbefore;shetoldthedoctoraboutfaintinginthepub,flushedasthedoctorraisedher
eyebrowsslightly.

“Iwasn’tdrinkingalcohol,”Christiesaid,rememberingwithcoldterrorthewinesshehaddrunk

beforeshehadrealisedshewaspregnant,thepanickedInternetsearches,theconflictinginformation.

“Andhowareyoufeelingaboutthepregnancy?”thedoctorasked.
“Fine,”Christiemuttered.
“That’shardlyaringingendorsement,”repliedthedoctor.
“Yousaidyouwereworriedaboutthebaby,”Blakeinterjected,wishingChristiewouldtalktothe

doctor,frustratedbyherminimalresponses.

Christieshrugged.“Notmedically,”shelied,thinkingagainofthewines,winesshehadbeentoo

ashamedtomentiontothedoctorinInvercargill.Thinkingoftheheavypackshehadinsistedonlifting…
Toolatenow,shetoldherself.

“Inwhatway,then?”thedoctorprompted.“Givingbirth?”
Christieshookherhead,blushing,desperatelywishingBlakewouldleavetheroom.“Justmanaging

withababy…givingupmycareer…practicalthings.”Thedoctorkeptaskingquestions,askingabout
familysupport,accommodation,financialsupport.Thedoctor’sprofessional,practicalmannereventually
wonChristie’sconfidence.Shefoundherselffeelingcalmer,thehazinessreceding,beyondcaringabout
Blake’ssilentpresenceasshediscussedtheapartment,howatleastthathadfallenintoplace,howshe
hopedhermotherwouldbeabletotravelfromAustraliaforthebirth.

“Andhowareyoufeelingaboutthepregnancy,Christie?”Thedoctorrepeatedherquestion.
“Youwon’tgetthebabyanytoys,”Blakesaid,tryingtoarticulatethefeelingofuneasehehad

experiencedinDunedinthedaybefore.“Youjustfocusonpracticalthings.”

Thedoctorfrowned,glancedatBlaketoacknowledgehiswords.“Christie?”
“BetterthanIwas,”Christiesaidbluntly,tryingtoblockBlake’spresenceout,thememoryofthe

vibrantanimalmobiletauntingherwithallthatitsymbolised.Sheshrugged,notsparingherself.“Myex
wantedmetohaveanabortion.ButIcouldn’tdoit.AndthenIthoughtofadoption,thatthebabywouldbe
betteroffwithtwoparents.”

Shetookadeepbreath,realisingBlakehadmovedcloser,wassittingintheplasticchairnexttothe

bed,leaningforwardslightly.“IthoughtIwasselfishforwantingtokeepthebaby,thenselfishfor
wantingtoadoptitout.ButIrealisedIwanttokeepthebaby,definitely.Eventhoughit’sahuge—”
Christiebrokeoff,takinganotherdeepbreath,“—adjustment.Ineveryway,really.”

Blakeremainedsilent,nottrustinghimselftospeakashebattledhisintenseemotionsathearing

Christie’sfrankresponses.Hewasrelievedhervoicehadbecomesurer,moreconfidentasthedoctor
overcameChristie’sreserve.Hehadcontemplatedleavingtheroom,bitterlyawareshewouldtalkfreely
ifhewasn’ttherebuthadfoundhimselfstaying,guiltilywantingtoknowmoreaboutChristie,hearher
talk.Hethoughtbacktohercommentshewasn’tworriedmedicallyandhiseyesnarrowed,thinkingofher
tear-stainedconfessiononStewartIsland,wonderingifshehadaskedadoctorinInvercargill.

“Christiedidn’trealiseshewaspregnantforacoupleofmonths,”Blakesaid,realisingChristiehad

tensedathiswords.Hestilldoesn’ttrustme,shethought,devastatedbyhiscomment,knowinghewould
askthedoctorwhethersheshouldhaveknownearlier,implyshehadsomehowmisledhim.

“Ididn’tknow,”shesaiddefensively.
ThedoctorlookedatBlake,nodded.“That’squitecommon,”shesaid,lookingbackatChristieasshe

spoke,hervoiceprofessionalassheexplainedthereasons.Christieheldherbreath,wonderingwhat
Blakewouldsaynext,embarrassedbythedoctor’sreferencetothesymptomsofconception.

“Soabarbequemealandfewglassesofwinesociallyinthattimewouldn’tharmthebaby?”he

continued,strivingforacasualtone,nervousashethoughtoftheInternetsearcheshehaddoneonthe
effectsofdrinkingalcoholwhilepregnant.

“Again,that’squitecommon,”thedoctorsaid.“Ican’tgiveyouanabsoluteassurance,butI’dtrynot

toworrytoomuch,”thedoctorcontinued.“Alotofmothersareinthatsituationandtheirbabiesarefine.”
TearsofreliefspilleddownChristie’scheeks;shewipedthemawayabruptly,acutelyawareofBlake
tensinginhischair,makingnomovetotouchher,sayingnothing.“Itakeitthatwasaconcern,”thedoctor
saidbriskly.

Christienodded,notlookingatBlake.“AndIliftedaheavypack,”shemuttered.
“You’vegotthisfar,”thedoctorsaid.“Butnomoreheavyliftingfromnowon.”Someofthetension

leftChristie’sbodyasshethoughtbackoverthedoctor’sreassuringwords,lesseningtheguiltthathad
lingeredforsolong.Herdizzinesshadfaded;replacedbyoverwhelmingembarrassmentassherealised
Blakehadheardherresponses,seenherdistress.

Asenseoflossinvadedherassheacknowledgedthattheconsultationhadbeenaboutasfarremoved

fromromanticaswaspossible;answeringclinicalquestionsaboutherpregnancy,herconcerns.Notwhat
Blakeneededtohear,shethoughtwearily.Notwhenhecouldwalkintoanybarintownandpickupa
gorgeous,adoringgirlwithnopregnancyconcerns,nobabyonthehorizon.Whohetrusts,sheadded
silently.Andsharesthingswith.

“Isthatitthen?”Christieturnedtothedoctor,adoptingabusinessliketone,suddenlydesperateto

leavebeforeshebrokedownagain.

“Notquite,”thedoctorsaid.“Ijustwanttocheckthebaby’sheartbeatagain.”ChristieheardBlake’s

chairscrapeacrossthehospitalfloorashestoodupabruptly,obviouslyintendingtoleavetheroom.The
doctorlookedupathim,backatChristie.“Gobacktoyourfriend’splaceandrelaxfortherestofthe
day,”thedoctorsaid.“I’msurethebabyisfinebutjustmakesureyou’vegotsomeonearoundtokeepan
eyeonyou.”

Christiefroze,rememberingLisaandherfamilywereout.“Andhaveagoodhome-cookedmeal,”the

doctorcontinued.“I’mrosteredontomorrowsocallbackinaroundthistimesoIcanseehowyouare.”
HysteriaroseupinChristie.SheknewtherealitywouldbealightsnackonherownatLisa’splace,
realisedthatshewouldhavetoseewhetherLisacouldbringherbacktomorrowforthefurthercheck-up,
orelsecatchabusortaxi.

UnawareofChristie’sthoughts,thedoctorstoodup,obviouslyintendingtocheckthebaby’sheartbeat.

ChristieheardthedooropenasBlakelefttheroomwithoutaword.Sheshuthereyes,tryingtorelax,
relievedatleastthelight-headednesshadabated.“Thebaby’sfine,”thedoctorconfirmed.“Justtakeit
easy.”

Blakewasnotwaitingoutsideinthecorridorforher,orinreception.Unsettled,Christiewalked

towardsthemaindoor,wantingtoseeifthecarwasstillthere,sawitgone.Herheartpounding,shetook
outhermobilephone,unabletobelieveBlakewouldsimplyleave.“Hesaidtotellyouhe’llbeback
soon.”Christielookedupinsurpriseasthereceptionistspoke.Shrugging,thankingthereceptionist,she
tookaseatinreception,stillfeelingslightlyshaky.

“Ihopethedoctorprescribedbedrest.”Christieheardthewords,lookedatanotheryoungwoman

aboutheragewaitinginreception,frowningpolitely,notunderstandingthewoman’scheekytone.The
womangesturedtothedoorasthoughitwasobvious.“Yourboyfriend.Hot!”Blushing,Christieinclined
herheadaswordsfailedher,hearingtheotherwomeninearshotgiggle.

Blakestrodethroughthedoorsseveralminuteslater,hisdarkeyessearchingthereception,

immediatelysettlingonChristie.“Okay?”heaskedgruffly.Shenoddedsilently,consciousoftherustleof
oldmagazinesastheotherwomenlookedatBlakediscreetly.ChristiesawBlakeasifforthefirsttime,
noticingwithalmostdetachedappreciationhisunconscious,naturalcharisma,thestaggeringgoodlooks,
thedarkeyeshintingat…Stopit,shetoldherselffirmly.Don’tgothere.Focusonthebaby.Hewas
walkingovertoher,shenoticed,knowingsheneededtothankhim.

“Andthebaby?”Blakeasked,makingherrealisewithashockthathehadbeenaskingaboutherfirst.
“Bothofusarefine,”shesaidinabusinessliketone,standingup.“Sorryforthehassle;thanksfor

hangingaroundthroughallthat.”Shetriedtocamouflageherembarrassment,feelingridiculously
exposed.

Blakeshrugged,hiseyesstillonherface,watchingherintently.“Noworries.Tookmerightbackto

thefarm.”Herheartlurchedashegrinnedather,hiseyessuddenlywarm.

“Whatdoyoumean?”Christieasked,blushing.
“ListeningtothevettalktoDadabouttheewesonthefarm.”
Christiegaveashockedlaugh,unabletobelievewhatBlakehadjustsaid,fightingdownthefeelinghe

wastryingtoreassureher,putheratease.“That’sgoodthen.Ithink,”shereplied.Theywerealmostat
thecar;rememberinghercoldnessearlier,theprivacyshehadwantedintheconsultingroom,Blake
hesitated,unsurehowChristiewouldreacttohimassistingherintothecar.

ChristiebitbackherdisappointmentasBlakestoodbythecar,makingnomovetohelpherafter

openingthedoor.Hermindflashedlonginglybacktotherememberedsensationofhishandsonherwaist
assheclimbedintothecarsilently.Blakedidnotspeakagainforseveralminutes,wonderingwhen
Christiewouldnotice,wonderingwhetherheshouldsaysomething,unabletothinkofanothersolution,
bracinghimselftomaintainafriendlydistance,abrotherlydemeanour.

Thefeelingthathadgrippedhimatthehospitalstillshockedhimwithitsintensity.Thenewsthat

Christiewasambivalentaboutherpregnancy,evenkeepingthebaby,hadshakenhimtothecore,her
responsestothedoctor’swordsfillinghimwithasuddenawarenessofsomethinghehadneverrealised
before.

“Blake.”Christieturnedtolookacrossathimasheturnedoffbeforeabridgeshehaddrivenover

withLisa.“Thisisn’tthewaytoLisa’shouse,isit?IthoughtweneededtocrosstheShotoverRiverto

getbacktoArrowtown?”

“Yousaidshe’snothome,”herepliedbriefly.“Sowe’reheadingtomyplace.”
Struckdumb,Christielookedathim.“I’llbefineatLisa’s,”shesaideventually,findinghervoice.

“You’vegotwork.”

“Myplace,”Blakerepeated.“Doctor’sorders.”Christiesaidnothing,knowingsheshouldprotest

further,nottortureherselfwithanafternoonwithBlake,imagininghisteasing,hiswarmglances,sharing
hishome.Shesankbackintotheseat,tellingherselfshewastootiredtomakeexcuses,tryingdespite
everythingtoignoretheshiverofanticipation.

“Yourplacethen,”Christiesaidungraciously.
“Youcan’tbewell.Iexpectedmoreofanargument,”Blakesaid,hisvoicecasualashewatchedthe

road.

Christieflushed,sureherfeelingswereobvious,painfullyawareofBlake’sperceptiveness.“Ijust

wanttorest,”shesnapped.

“Soundslikeagoodidea,”hesaidcalmly.
Christiecouldseetheywereinthecountry;shewasunabletostoplookingatthescenery,theriverthat

sheknewtwistedthroughthegorge,flashesofitvisibleeverynowandthen.Blaketurnedintoatreelined
drivewaywindingupthehillside.Christiefrowned.“Isyournewhomecloseby?”sheasked,
rememberingthelocationScotthadmentioned.

Blakenodded,explaininghelivedinanoldcottagemadeofthelocalschiststone,thathewashaving

hisnewhomebuiltonthesameproperty.Christiefellsilentasthecarroundedthecurveofthedriveway,
seeingapictureperfectstonecottageandthetastefulstoneandwoodenhouseunderconstructiontothe
side.

“You’vebasedthedesignonthecottage,”Christiesaidbeforeshecouldstopherself,appreciatingthe

rakedlines,thepicturewindows,thestonefeatures.Blakewatchedhersilently,rememberingherrefusal
tohelp.

“Comeintothecottageandrest,”hesaidtersely.Christielookedathimquickly,hurtbyhiswords,his

tone.

“Ofcourse,”shesaid,acknowledgingtoherselfBlakedidnotwanttoshowheraround,realisingshe

wastootiredinanycaseandinnostatetolookaroundabuildingsite.

Christieclimbedoutofthecar,suddenlyovercomebyweariness,walkingtowardsthecottage.She

heardthecarbootclose,realisedBlakewascarryingherbag.Shestopped,suddenlyuncertain.

Blakewalkedpasther,unlockingthedoor,disappearinginside.Slowly,Christiefollowedhiminside,

lookingaroundinamazementatthecosyloungeandkitchen,thepolishedwoodenfloorscoveredwith
rugs,theopenfireplace.Shesawasmallhallway,heardBlakemovingaroundinoneoftherooms.Not
knowingwhattodo,Christiesankintothesofa,hermindatumultofemotion,findingtheinteriorofthe
cottagecool,restful,aftertheunbearableheatoftheday.

ChristielookedaroundasBlakewalkedintothelounge.Heseemedillatease,distant.“Doyouwant

somelunch…torest?”heasked.“OrTV,amagazine…”Hisvoicetrailedoffashedidnotlookdirectly
ather.

“IfIcouldjustrestinyourspareroom,”Christiesaid,unabletodisguisetheslighttremorinhervoice.

Shecouldn’treadhisexpressionashefinallylookedather.

“Downthehallontheleft,”Blakesaid.Christiestoodup,walkingpasthiminthesmallcompact

room,intenselyconsciousofhispresence.Shewalkedintotheroomhehadindicated,stoppedabruptly.
Tearsofangerandembarrassmentfilledhereyes;shetookastepback.Imagesofthepreviousnightfilled
hermind;shestartedtrembling.

ChapterTwelve

ChristiespunaroundassherealisedBlakewasstanding,framedinthedoorway,slouchingslightlyas

thetopofhisheadmetthetopofthedoorframe.“Ican’t,”shesaid,hervoicetremblingdangerously.
“AndIwon’t,ItoldyoulastnightI—”

“Christie,justletmeexplain—”
“No,”shesaidfuriously.“Ican’tbelieveyouthoughtyoucouldbringmeuphereandjustmoveme

intoyourroom.”Hervoicebrokewiththestrengthofheremotion.

“Iwon’tmentionlastnightthen,”heretorted,hisvoicelow,scathing.“Youweren’ttooworriedthen.”
BlakesawChristie’sfacebleachwhite,instantlyregrettedhiswords.“Christie,listen.”Sheglaredat

him,stillfuriousathisassumption,humiliatedbyhisreferencetothepreviousnight.“Idon’thaveaspare
bed.ButI’vechangedthesheets.Tryandrelax.”Hissmilewashumourless.“Anddon’tworry.I’munder
noillusionsaboutthereceptionI’dgetifItriedtojoinyou.”

Christieburnedwithshameassherealisedhewasonlytryingtohelp;instead,shehadimmediately

jumpedtoconclusions.Blakegesturedtothetowelshehadputonthefreshlymadebed,politely
suggestedshehaveashower,tryandcooldown.“Thankyou,”Christiemurmured,unabletomeethis
eyes,tirednesswashingoverher.SheshuthermindtoBlake’spresence,suddenlydesperatetorestinthe
coolpeaceofthebedroom.Blakelefttheroomabruptly,sayingnothingfurther.

Christiereturnedtothebedroomafterashower,feelingrefreshed,calmerasshegotintothebed,

determinednottothinkaboutBlake.Thesheetsfeltcool,scentedlightlyofsoappowder.Shefeltalight
breezeintheroom,playingonherface,realisedBlakehadopenedthewindow,pulledthecurtainsto
shadetheroomfromtheharshsun.Thecurtainsmovedslightlyinthegentlebreeze;Christiewatched
themsleepily,tryingtoemptyhermindoftheexchangewithBlakejustbefore,thewordstheyhadthrown
ateachother.Eventually,sheturnedherheadintoapillowthatstillheldahintofmasculinescentandfell
asleep.

WhenChristiewokeshesenseditwasfarlaterintheday;sleepily,shereachedforhermobileto

checkthetime.I’vebeenasleepforhours,shethought,shockedtoseeitwasearlyevening.Shelaystill
forseveralminutes,feelingsuddenlyawkwardatthesituation,hopingBlakewoulddriveherbackto
Lisa’splace.Christiewasstilltiredbutfeltrested,morerelaxed,knewLisaandherfamilywouldbe
homeinonlyafewhours.

Theswoopinganxietyaboutthebabywasgone;thediscussionwiththedoctorhadfinallymadeher

focus,plan.ThecautiousoptimismshehadfeltbeforehertriptoDunedinwasreturning;sheresolvedto
contacthermother,confideinher,askhertotraveltoQueenstowntobewithherforthebirth.She
rememberedthebillboardshehadseenadvertisingairfaresfromSydneytoQueenstown;shewondered
whereinAustraliaherparentswouldbeontheirtripinafewmonths.

Idohavesavings.Andthecontractingwillstartshortlyafterthebirth…Christie’smindranon,

makingplans,thinkingthroughoptions.ThedayswithLisa’sfamilyhadmadeherrealisewhataglorious
partofNewZealandthiswas;sheknewthehousesittingwouldallowhertoexplore,toenjoyarelaxed
wayoflife.

Christieslidoutofbed,pullingonanewsummerdressshehadbroughtinDunedin,makingafaceas

shethoughtofthecostoftheclothesshestillhadinAucklandcomparedtothematernityclothesshehad
carefullyselectedinDunedinatabudgetchainstore,onlybuyingtheclothesforherselfaftermakingsure
thebabyhadeverythingitcouldpossiblyneed.Exceptfortoys,asmallvoicesaidinsideher.Christie
shookherheadslightly,brushingherhair,hesitatingbeforeleavingthebedroom.

BlakelookedaroundasChristieappearedfromthehallway,unabletotakehiseyesawayfromher,her

longlegs,thehemofablueprinteddressswirlingjustbelowherknees,skimmingoverthecurveofher
stomach,theveeofthenecklineemphasising…Heswallowed,noticinghercleareyes,hercalm

untroubledexpressionbetrayingonlyahintoftiredness.

Relievedattheobviousimprovementinherdemeanour,BlakesmiledatChristie,leanedagainstthe

kitchenbench.“Lookingbetter,”hesaid,hisvoicelow.Christieinclinedherheadslightly,suddenly
nervous.Blake’sfacewaspolite,impassive,buthiseyes,hisvoice…Ashiveroflongingwentthrough
her;sheclampeddownonitinstantly.

ChristiewasstillunnervedbyBlake’sfailuretotellherthetruthabouthiswork,embarrassedbythe

assumptionsshehadmade.ThewhirlwindtriptoDunedinhadbeenexhaustingasshehadfoughther
attractiontoBlake,triedtoplanforherbabyanddealwiththerealityofPaul’scompletelackofsupport.
Blake’sreactiontoherconversationwithScott,Blake’sperceptivequestionscontrastedwithhisown
lackofdisclosurehadputChristieonherguard,madehercautious.

AndthenhermindkeptreplayingthosestolenmomentsinBlake’sarms,hisvoicewhisperinginher

ear,hishandsstrokingher,hisbitter,coldwordstoherafterwards.

Nowthatshewashere,withBlake,inhishouse—inhisbed—Christiestillfeltillatease,unsurehow

tobridgethechasmbetweenthem,unsurewhetheritwaswisetoeventry.Shestayedsilent,conscious
againofthetime.

“Iwasjustthinkingaboutdinner.”Blake’swordsjoltedChristieoutofherthoughts;hereyeswidened

slightly.SheknewsheshouldtellBlakeshewantedtogobacktoLisa’splace;somehow,thewordsfailed
tocome.Christie’seyesmovedtoasupermarketbagonthebench.Blakeansweredherunspoken
question.“Whileyouwerewiththedoctor.”Christiesteppedfromthedoorwayintothekitchen,stopped,
suddenlyuncertain.

“Doctor’sorders,”heremindedher.Thewarmthinhiseyesmadeherthroatconstrict,sheswallowed,

lookedaway,steelingherselftoaskBlaketodriveherbacktoLisa’s,knowingshecouldnotstayhere.
Christieheardthedistantringofhermobilephone,fledfromthekitchenwithamutteredexcuse,snatching
thephonefromthebedsidetable.

Lisa’svoicecameoverthephone,clearlyconcerned,despitethepoorreception.Christiesankontothe

bed,interrupting,assuringLisashewasallright,thattherewasnoproblemwiththebaby.Tryingto
alleviateLisa’sconcern,ChristietoldheraboutBlaketakinghertothehospital,himaskingquestions,her
ownembarrassment.ShecouldhearthesmileinLisa’svoice,becomingseriousasLisaaskedChristie
whereshewasnow.

“AtBlake’s,”Christiesaid,suddenlyrememberingwhatshehadthoughtaboutarelationshipbetween

BlakeandLisa.

“Promising,”jokedLisa,makingChristieflinch.“WhatashameI’mattheweddingwithMumand

Dad.You’llhavetostay.”

“I’mabouttoaskBlaketotakemebacktoyourplace,”Christiesaid,defensivewithoutknowingwhy.
“Why?’Lisa’sastonishmentwasplain,lacedwithathreadofanger.
“BecauseI…”Christiefellsilent,feelingsuddenlyawkward.
Lisa’svoicebecamecold.“Christie,think.Thedoctorsaidyoushouldhavesomeonewithyou.

Explaintomewhyyouseemhellbentonreturningtoanemptyhouse?”Christietriedagain,onlytobe
interruptedbyLisa.“Ifyouwanttotieyourselftothepast,goahead.JustbeupfrontwithBlake.From
whatyou’resaying,itsoundslikehecancelledanimportantmeetingtotakeyoutothedoctor,lookafter
you,andisnowcookingyoudinner.”

“Whatmeeting?”Christieaskedfaintly,realisingBlakehadbeentellingthetruthwhenhementioned

hisworkcommitmentstoScott’sparents.

“Askhim,”Lisasaidbluntly.“Anddon’ttellmehe’sjustbeingpolite.”
“What’sittoyou?”Christieasked,stungintoreplying.
“Nothing.”Lisa’svoicewasalmostweary.“ForgetIsaidanything,Christie.Ijustrangtoseehowyou

were.Blakeleftamessage.Butforthebaby’ssake,pleasestayatBlake’splacetonight.Don’ttake

chances.Notwiththebaby’shealthanyway.”ThesmilewasbackinLisa’svoice;sherefusedtoexplain
heroutburstfurthertoChristie,saidshewantedtogetbacktotheweddingreception,hungup.

Christieshookherhead,takenabackbyLisa’swords,acknowledgingtoherselfshewouldbebetter

offstayingatBlake’scottageovernight,tellingherselfitwasforthebaby’ssake.Justasshepushed
herselfoffthebedtoreturntothekitchenherphonerangagain;thinkingitwasLisaringingbackshe
answeredimmediatelywithafriendlygreeting,notlookingatthescreen,wantingtodiscusswhathad
beensaid.

ChristiefellsilentasPaulspoke;hiswordscold,arrogant,tellinghernottocontacthimagain,

emphasisinghehadnotwantedhertohavethebaby.“Ifyoucan’tsortoutyourbirthcontrol,don’tmakeit
myproblem,Christie.”Christiegaspedwithshockathiswords,suddenclarityalmostblindingherasshe
acknowledgedPaul’sselfish,chauvinisticnature,hiscompleteavoidanceofresponsibility.

Hervoicewaslikeiceasshecutthroughhistirade.“Ihavecontactedyoutwice.OncetotellyouI

waspregnant,oncetoaskforacontributionforgear.Andallyoucandoisblameme,tellmeit’snotyour
child,tellmetogetanabortion.Maybethebaby’sbetteroffwithoutyou.IknowIam.”Christiethrewthe
phoneonthebed,furious,shakingwithemotion.Herhandcrepttoherstomach,unconsciouslycradling
thebaby.

Sheturned,suddenlywantingtobeoutinthekitchen,benearBlake,feelingpollutedbyPaul’sviews

andattitude.ChristietensedwithshockassherealisedBlakewaswatchingherfromthedoorway;she
wonderedwhathehadoverheard.

“Paul,”Blakesaidhisnamematter-of-factly,calmly.Christienodded,avertedhereyes.“Ididn’t

realise,”hesaid,pausingashethoughtbacktowhathehadoverheard,whatChristiehadsaidtothe
doctor.“Ididn’trealisePaulwouldn’tsupportyouatall.”

Christielookedathim,noticingheseemedextremelyuncomfortable,hiseyesshadowed.“Isthata

politewayofreferringtoabortion?”ChristiesaidbluntlyasBlakelookedaway.“Yousaidityourself,”
shecontinued.“I’mbetteroffoutofit.Thewholethingwasabigshockforme.”Shepaused,faltering.
“Tostartwith.Youthoughtitwassomeonefromtheisland.AndthenPauldidn’tbelievethebabywas
his.Whenhewastheonehavingtheaffair.”Christieshookherhead,pleasedshehadgainedenough
distancefromthewholethingtobeabletotalknormallytoBlake.

“YoutoldmebeforeyoutoldPaul.”Instantly,Blakeregrettedwhathehadsaid.
“Andneitheroneofyoutrustedme,”Christiesaidwithoutrancour.TheuneaseBlakehadfeltever

sincehisintemperatecommentstoChristiewhenshehadtoldhimofher

pregnancyintensifiedashelistenedtohernow,realisinghowmuchhisaccusationhadhurther.Her

comparisonofhimtoPaulstung,embarrassinghim.ChristiewatchedBlake,unawareofhisthoughts,not
realisingtheimpacthercommentshadhadonhim.“Butthankyouforeverythingtoday,Blake,”shesaid
sincerely.“Lisarang,mentionedyouhadtocancelameeting?”Heshrugged,toldheritwasnoproblem.
“Whatmeetingwasit?”Shepressedhimfordetails.

“Justaroutinesalesmeeting,”helied.
Hereyesnarrowed;shewassilentamoment.“Blake,I’vebeenthinkingabouttonight.”
Hetensed,knowingshewouldwanttogobacktoLisa’splace.“Christie,”heinterruptedbeforeshe

couldcontinue.“OfcourseIknowIcan’tmakeyoustayheretonight.Idon’twantyoutogetthewrong
idea.”Hepaused,hiseyesintentonher.Christieopenedhermouthtospeak,crushedbyhiswords,his
reasonable,fraternaltone.“ButIjustthinkyoushouldtakethedoctor’sadvice,atleastfortonight.I’ve
gotenoughsteakforbothofus.IfyouwanttogobacktoLisa’slater,justletmeknow.”Blakepaused
again,gesturedtothebed,hisfaceimpassive.“Andifyoudecidetostay,I’lltakethecouch.”

Christietookadeepbreath,bothreassuredanddisappointedatBlake’splatonic,relaxedattitude.

MaybeIimaginedthelookinhiseyeswhenIwokeup,shetoldherselffirmly.Anditdoesmakesense
tostayincasethere’saproblemwiththebaby.

“Iwouldappreciatebeingabletostay,thanks,Blake.”Christiesaidpolitely.“Ifit’snottoomuch

hassleforyou.”Determinedtomatchhisplatonictone,fightingthementalimageofthenightbefore,she
gavehimatentativesmile.“I’lljusteatyourfoodandkickyououtofyourownbed.Nohassleatall.”
Blakesmiledbackather,relievedhehadsuccessfullypersuadedhertostay,stillthinkingaboutwhathe
hadoverheardfromherconversationwithPaul.

Christiemovedtowardsthedoorway,wantingtoleavethebedroom,gooutintothelivingarea.

Standing,talkingtoBlakeinhisbedroomonlyintensifiedthementalimageofhisembracethenight
before,bringingaslightflushtoherface.Blakemovedbackoutofthedoorwayimmediately,standing
backasChristiebrushedpasthiminthenarrowhallway,followingherintothekitchen,watchingthehem
ofthedressmovearoundherlegs,imaginingreachingforherasshewalkedslightlyaheadofhim.

Hehadnoticed,ofcourse,thatChristienevermentionedthebaby’sfatherandthatclearlyhewasnot

aroundforherpregnancy.ButhehadnotrealiseduntiltodaythatPaul’sattitudewassoopposedtothe
child,thathehadwantedhertohaveanabortion,wasprovidingherwithnosupportwhatsoever.Now
hereshewas,inhisownhome,aftershowinghimthefriendcardthroughouttheday,onlyallowinghimin
theconsultingroomafterthedoctorsuggestedit,refusingtohelphimwithhisnewhome.

Ifhewerehonestwithhimself,heknewhehaddeliberatelyletChristiewalkintohisroomwithno

warning,wanting,hoping,shewouldmakeasuggestion,somereferencetothenightbefore.Instead,she
hadbeenupset,shocked.Notsurprising,hethoughtruefully.

Now,BlakesawChristiehadmovedovertothesupermarketbag,waslookingthroughit.Hebraced

himselffortheeveningahead,openedthefridgetogrababeer,askingChristieifshewantedajuice.
Christieswungroundatthesoundofhisvoice,nodding,hereyesnarrowingasheopenedthenewbottle
ofjuice.Blakehadobviouslypurchasedarangeoffoodthatafternoon,easilyenoughforthetwoofthem.
Shesawthesteakonthebench,thepotatoesandvegetableshehadstartedpreparing.Christieexhaled,
askingwhatshecoulddotohelp.

“Undercontrol,”Blakesaid.“Sitdown,relax.”
“Andreadahuntingmagazine,”Christiefinished,grinningathim.Helookeddownather,hiseyes

suddenlyfillingwithlaughter.

“Ifyouwantto,”heagreed.“Orthere’sthis.”Hetookthecurrentinteriordesignmagazinefromthe

kitchenshelfwherehehadputitthatafternoon,placeditonthebench.

“Subtle.”Christierememberedherrefusaltohelphimearlierintheday,knowingthatwitheverything

hehadhelpedherwithtoday—andpaidfor—itwouldbeinexcusablyrudetocontinueinherrefusal.

“Thatwastheidea,”Blakesaid,hopingthenewmagazinewouldprovokeareaction,disappointed

whenshemadenomovetopickitup.Hereachedaroundher,takingherbytheshoulders,gentlysteering
herovertothesmalldiningroomtable.“Justrelax,”herepeated,hisfirmtouchsendingashiverthrough
Christieasshesatononeofthechairs,noticinghekepthishandsonhershouldersforamomentbefore
walkingaway.Shesatbackinherchair,disguisingherlongingwithaflippantcomment.

Blakelookedoverather,jokinglyrolledhiseyes.Christie’stonebecameseriousassheinsistedshe

wantedtohelp,feelingatadisadvantageaftereverythingBlakehaddone,wascontinuingtodo.“You
wanttohelpme,doyou?”heasked,lookingoverather,teasingher.“Withthepotatoesorthehouse?”

Christiestoodup,walkedbackintothekitchen,tookthesmallvegetableknifeBlakewasholdingout.

“Both,”shesaid,smilingupatBlake,hereyessparklingwithsuddenmischief.“Ifyouwantedhelpwith
thehouse,youonlyhadtoask.”

Blakeburstoutlaughing.“Andask,andask…”
“Andbuymeamagazine,”Christiefinished.Shekeptpeelingthepotatoes,unawarehersmilestayed

onherface,relaxingassheandBlaketalkedcompanionably.“I’llneedthesteakcookedwell,”Christie
saidpolitely,referringtotheneedformeattobethoroughlycookedbecauseofherpregnancy.

“Isupposethat’sahintnottocookthesteaklikeIcookedthesausages,”Blakesaid,withmock

woundedpride,remindingherofthemealatMasonBay.

“We’dagreedtoblamethecampstoveforthat,Ithought.”Shegrinnedbackathim.
Blakecontinuedpreparingtherestofthemeal;Christieofferedtosetthetable.Shemovedovertothe

table,intendingtoclearsomepapersfromtheoppositeend.“Blake,wheredoyouwantthese?”

Hestilled.“I’llgetthem,Christie,theyshouldbeinthestudy.”Sheglancedatthepaperscasually,

realisingtheyweredesignmock-upsandotherpapers,proposals.ChristielookedoveratBlake,sawhe
waswatchingherintently.

“Blake,”shesaid,suddenlynervous.“Whatarethese?Theylooklikedesignsforwinelabels?”Her

mindflashedbacktotheconversationatMasonBay,herunthinkingcritiqueofthedesignofthelabel,
thinkingBlakewassimplyanemployeeofthewinery.

Heseemedtohesitate,thennodded,hisexpressionunreadable.“Yes.I’vebeentoldthelabelsaretoo

similartootherones.IwantedtoemphasisetheCentralOtagolocation,makethedesignunique.”

Stunned,notknowingwhattosay,Christiewassilent,realisingBlakewasactingonherbluntadvice

givenoffthecuffatMasonBay;itwasnotthesortofwayshewouldhavemadeherpointtoaclient.
“Whatyousaidmadesense,Christie.AndI’dbeenwonderingaboutthelabels,theydidn’treallygrabme
either.Ispoketomypartnersandtheyagreed.Thewineconsistentlyscoreswellbutfortheimpulse
buyer,thelookofthebottleisimportant.Togetthesale,Imean.”

“WeusedafirminWellington,”Blakecontinued.Hementionedthename;Christie’sheadsnappedup

assherecognisedthenameofoneofthetopnationalgraphicdesignfirms.“Iaskedyou,butyousaidit
wouldbebesttogotoafirmwithalltheresources…”Hisvoicetrailedoff,thinkingofChristie’s
announcementofherpregnancy,howhispridehadgotintheway.Christienoddedmechanically,still
shockedatBlake’sunquestioningacceptanceofherviews,thefacthissuggestionatMasonBayabouther
puttinginadesignhadbeengenuine…Sheshruggedtoherself,knowingshewouldhaveturneddownthe
commissionoutoffoolishprideanyway,didnothavetheappropriateresourcesorsoftwarewithher.

“CanI...”Christiesankintoachairwithoutwaitingforananswer,reachedforthesheafofmock-ups.
Blaketookthepansoffthestove,movedtowardsthetable.“Iusedyourpointsforthedesignbrief,

toldthemwhatyou’dsaid,whatIwantedtofocuson.I’mhopingthey’llbereadytogoforthenext
harvest.”

Christiedidn’tanswer,focusingonthedesigns,discardingonecompletely,lookingatthenexttwo

withinterest.Thedesignerhadusedasimple,boldcolourscheme,modernisedtheletteringwhile
emphasisingtheregionandthevariety.Theseconddesignintroducedathirdcolour;hadadifferent
lettering.Inbothdesignstheextrainformationontheoldlabel—whichChristiehadtoldBlake
forthrightlyonlyclutteredthelabel—hadbeenremoved.Matchingmock-upshadbeenpreparedofthe
labelforthebackofthebottle.

“Thisoneisgreat,Blake,”Christiesaid,pointingtothedesignusingthreecolours,forgetting

everythingbutherenthusiasmfordesign.“Exceptyouneedtoaskthemtoshiftthenameofthewinery
downslightlytowardsthelogo,andthevarietyofwineup.Centreitmore,”sheexplained.“Sothatthe
logoisreallyprominentwhenthelabelcurvesaroundthebottle.Andgetthemtochangetheshadeofthe
accentcolour.”Suddenlyrememberingherselfshelookedup,blushing.“Butit’suptoyou,ofcourse.And
yourpartners.”

“Whatdoyoumeanabouttheaccentcolour?”Blakeasked,hisvoiceserious.
“Thiscolourhere—”Christiepointedtoagoldenhue,“—it’stoodull,oritwillbe,whenit’sprinted

onanactuallabel,eventhoughitlooksquitebrightnow.Thecolourslookdifferentondifferentpapersor
labels,andthatcolouralwayscomesoutdull.They’llgothroughallthatwithyou.”Shegrinnedathim.
“Inthenextstageyou’llseethedesignontheactuallabelandthenyou’llseewhatImean.Youneedto
askthemtomakeitbrighter,chooseadifferentshadeofthatgoldencolour.”

“Howmuchbrighter?”Blakeasked,feelinghisway,takenabackatChristie’scompleteabsorptionin

thedesigns,herconfidenceanduttercertainty.Christiefrowned,tryingtoexplainwhatsheenvisaged,
unconsciouslydisplayingherartisticviewoftheworld.“Liketheleavesinautumn,whentheyfirst
changecolour.Abronzeorgoldencolour.Or—”shepausedasinspirationstruckher,“—thecolourof
Scott’sdog,thatunusualcopperycolour.Thatwouldlookreallygood.”

BlakestruggledforcomposureasChristiementionedtheautumnleaves,thinkingofthecallhehad

madethisafternoon,themessagehehadleft.Patience,hetoldhimself.AllIcandoiswait.I’vedoneall
Ican…Thechangingleavesofautumn,awoman’svoice,fulloflove,talkingaboutthechangingofthe
seasons,thesoftrushingsoundoftheArrowRiverassheheldhishand.BlakebarelyheardChristie’s
commentaboutScottasmemorieswashedoverhim.Christielookedup,sawtheagonisedlookinBlake’s
eyes,frowned,fedupwithhimconstantlyoverreactingtoanythingshesaidaboutScott.

“IonlymentionedScottbecausehisdogistheexactcolouryoushouldaskthedesignerfor,”shebegan

hotly,determinedtohaveitoutwithBlakeonceandforall.

“Ofcourse,”Blakesaiddistantly,seemingpreoccupied.“Anyway,dinner’sready.”Startledathis

abruptchangeofsubject,hisunwillingnesstobebaited,Christiehurriedlysetoutcutlery,shuffledthe
designsbackintoorder,strangelyputoutbyBlake’ssuddenchangeinmood.

—#—

“Rebeccaisthreateningtotakeover,”Blakesaidashecarriedbothplatestothetable,pouredmore

juiceinChristie’sglass.Hehadnotmentionedthewinelabelsagainwhiledishingoutthemeals,had
unobtrusivelyremovedthepapersfromthetablewithoutaword.

“Takeoverwhat?”Christieasked,stillunsettled,notmissingtheedgeinBlake’svoice,wonderingto

herselfwhetherabrotherandsistercouldbemoredifferent.

“Myhouse,”hecontinued.“Ijustwantsomethingsimple.Likethiscottage.AllIneed.”
Christienodded,lookingaroundattherichcoloursofthewoodenfloor,thebeamsacrosstheceiling,

theopenfireplace.“Well,ifyouwanttodothat,whynot?”Christiesaid,

notwantingtocriticiseRebecca,consciousthatBlakeknewRebecca’scommentshadupsether.

ChristiewaspleasedtoseethatwhateverhadupsetBlakewhenshewastalkingaboutthelabelshad
obviouslyresolveditself;hewasbacktohisusualslightlyteasing,sardonicself.

Blakesmiledathernow,leaningbackinhischair.“Youmakeitsoundeasy,”hesaid.
“Itis,”shesaid,matter-of-factly,someofheroldconfidencereturning,hervoiceanimated,

enthusiastic.

“Rebeccacanbebossythough,”hecommented.
“Whatacoincidence,”Christiesaidwithmocksurprise.“Iknowsomeonelikethattoo.”
Blakegrinnedatherbriefly,continuingtotalkabouthisideas.Hemovedthecutleryonhisplateashe

spoke.“I’veseenacoupleofthingsIlike.ThingsRebeccawouldapproveof.”Christierealisedhe
wouldbeabletochoosecustom-madethingsforhishome;aslightblushwashedoverherfaceasshe
thoughtofhistactfulcommentsthedaybefore,alwaysconsciousofherbudget,supportingherchoices.
“ButthenI’veseensomeotherstuff—”

“Thatshewouldn’t,”Christiefinished,unabletoresist,meetingBlake’slaughinggaze,asmileplaying

onherface.Shewatchedhim,longingtricklingthroughher.

“IcanseethepointofbuyingacoupleofspecialthingsifIreallylikethem,”hecontinued.Christie’s

eyeswidenedslightlyasBlakeunknowinglyrepeatedherownthoughtswhileshoppinginDunedin.“ButI
thoughtyoucouldhelpmelookaround.”Hehesitated.“Idowantsomethingsimilartothiscottage,”he
repeated.“Notoverthetop.Itwouldn’tbeforafewmonthsyet.Afterthebabyisborn.”

Christienodded,suddenlynottrustingherselftospeakatBlake’scasualreferencetoshopping

together,tothebaby’sbirth.SheglancedatBlake,hersurpriseshowingonherfaceasheabruptly

changedthesubject,startedtalkingabouthisnexthuntingtrip.Blakegrinnedather.“Can’ttalkabout
designandcoloursfortoolong,”hesaidflippantly,obviouslybaitingher.

“Whathappensifyoudo?”Christiesaid,strugglingnottolaugh.
“Damagetomyreputationasastaunchsouthernman,”heretorted.
“Andhowwillyoueverrestorethat?”Christiesaid,shakingherhead,continuingthejoke.
“I’mopentosuggestions,”Blakesaid,hisvoicesuddenlylow,intimate,hiseyespinningChristie.She

openedhermouthslightly,unabletolookawayfromhispiercinggaze,thedesireinhiseyes.Shewas
shockedathiswords,atthischangefromhiscasualjokingtoanunmistakablesuggestiveundertonethat
frozeherinherchairasshecastaroundforareply.

“I’llletyouknowifIthinkofsomething,”Christiesaid,onlyaslighttremorinhervoice,desperately

tryingtomaintainherpreviouslighttone.Blakedidnotreply,frustratedbyherrefusaltoatleastflirt,her
determinationtoactlikesomesortoffriend.HerealisedChristiewastalkingnow,askingabouthunting.
Heansweredherquestionspolitely,kepttheconversationgoingassheturnedherquestionstohiswork,
askingaboutthetripMelhadmentioned.

BlakefoundhimselftalkingtoChristieinmoredetail.“Itwasalreadyonthecardswhenwetookover,

butIdon’tseethepointofbuildingupinternationalmarketswhenweneedtosortoutthedomesticone,
buildupthereputationofthewineryagain.AndCalifornia,it’sanotherhugepinotnoirregionsothe
competitionistough.Still,I’llprobablygo,forthecontactsifnothingelse.SeewhatIcanmakeofit.”
Uncomfortably,hethoughtofMel’scommentaboutthedatecoincidingwiththebirthofChristie’sbaby.

Blakecontinuedtalkingaboutthevalueoftheexportmarketcomparedtodomesticsales,mentioning

theadvantagesanddisadvantagesofeach.Fascinated,butatthesametimeintimidatedbythescaleofthe
numbersBlakewasmentioning,Christiesaidlittle,realisingthatBlakeobviouslyhadastronggraspof
theindividualbusinessandtheindustry,wascompletelyfocusedonbuildingupthewinery.

ShewasjustabouttoreplytohiscommentaboutplansfortheharvestwhenBlakestoodupabruptly,

reachedforherplate,tookbothovertothesink.Christienoticedheseemedsuddenlydistant,
preoccupied,seemedtobelookingathismobilephoneonthebench.“Itwasagreatmeal,Blake.
Thanks.”Awareherwordswereminimalinthecircumstances,Christiestoodup,walkedintothekitchen,
wastakenabackasBlakeswungaroundjustasshesteppedcloser.Hisfaceclearedashesawher
standingthere.

“I’lljustorganisedessert,”hesaid.“Doyouwanttoeatthatinthelounge,putaDVDon?”
“Dessert?”Christierepeated,notknowingwhattosay,disappointedhehadmentionedaDVD.
“Yes,”heagreed.“Fruitandicecream.”AninvoluntarysmiletuggedatChristie’smouthasshe

recognisedtheNewZealandstaplefromherchildhood.SheglancedupatBlake,couldtellfromhisface
heknewwhatshewasthinking.

“Ihopeit’scannedfruit,”shesaidflippantly.“Ithastobecanned.”
“No,it’snot,”hesaid,ahintoflaughterinhisvoice.“Justthisonce.Besides,”headdedteasingly,

“you’realmostinCentralOtagonow.Wedon’thavecannedfruithere.That’sforAucklanders.”

“IwasborninTauranga,”Christiesaidsoftly.
“StilltheNorthIslandthough,”Blakecontinuedtoteaseher.“GoandsortoutaDVD,”hesaid,again,

givingheragentlepushoutofthekitchen.Christiemovedintotheloungewithoutanotherword,still
feelingthelighttouchofBlake’shandonherback.WantingtodistractherselfshewalkedovertotheTV
cabinet,smiledasshesawthehuntingDVDsandactionfilms.Findingoneshethoughtshecouldsit
throughshepickedupthecase.

“OrputtheTVon,”Blakesaidashewalkedintothelounge.“There’sthemoviechannel,theguide’s

onthecoffeetable.Unlessthere’ssomething…”HehadautomaticallysuggestedaDVD,needinga
distraction,somethingtounderscorethecasualnatureoftheevening.Heglancedatthestereo,looked
quicklybackatChristie.

Christiemadeasnapdecision,replacedtheDVD,turnedtoBlake.“Couldwejustputthestereoon?”

shesaidsoftly.

Shocked,heinclinedhishead,putthedessertplatesonthecoffeetable.“Doesthatmeanyoudon’t

wanttowatchahuntingDVD?”heasked,smiling.

Christieblushed,sureBlakehadguessedhowshefelt,noticedtheincreasinglyoverwhelming

attractionshefeltforhim.LikeIhaveanythingtooffer,shethoughttoherselfruefully,consciousofher
advancedpregnancy,herpreviousdoubtsplayingthroughhermind,lockingawaythememoryofthe
previousnight.Deliberately,shetookthesingleseat,leavingtheoversizedcouchforBlake,noticingthe
flashofemotiononhisfaceashesteppedbackfromthestereo,handedhertheplateofdessert.

Christierealisedtheapricotswerepreserved,theirsyrupysweetnessconfirmingtheywerehomemade,

therichvanillaicecreamobviouslyapremiumNewZealandbrand.Suddentearscametohereyesasshe
realisedhowmuchthoughtBlakehadputintothemeal,theefforthehadgoneto.“Thisisn’tjustfruitand
icecream,”shesaidshakily.“Thiswholemeal…”Shestruggledforcomposure,triedtomakeajoke.
“Doesatruesouthernmandopreservingaswell?”

“No,”Blakesaid,watchingherreaction.“Buthismotherdoes.”Hefeltapangofguiltashesaidthe

words.Christiefellsilent,enjoyingthesweetnessofthefruit,thecreamyicecream.Themealhadbeen
delicious;Christiestartedtogenuinelyrelax,finallyabletoshrugoffPaul’sangrycall,pleasedshehad
spokenhermindinsteadofbreakingdownintears.Sherealisedhowmuchshehadneededtohavean
eveninglikethis.Withafriend,shetoldherselfdesperately,justcookingdinnerathome,talking,no
fashionablerestaurantsorloudnightclubs.

Unbidden,animageofPaulcameintoChristie’smindassherecalledhispretentiousattitude,his

shallowness.ShedoubtedPaulwouldeverhavearrangedaneveninglikethis,infact,couldnotrecall
himhavingdoneso.Hisanswerwouldhavebeentotakeherouttoarestaurant,invitefriendsor
colleaguesoverfordrinks.Orleavemeathomewhilehewenttoaworkmeeting,shethoughtsilently,
recallinghowcareerfocusedhe—they—hadbeen.

Shethoughtbacktotheafternoon,realisedthatifPaulhadneededtomissameetingbecauseshewas

unwellhewouldhavecomplained,somehowmadeherfeellikeitwasherfault.Blakejustdidit,she
acknowledged.

“Howisthebabytonight?”Blakesaidsuddenly,surprisingherbymentioningthebaby.
“Fine,”Christiesaid,smiling.
“Really?”Blakeasked.“Oristhatthesamereplyaswhenthedoctoraskedyouhowyoufeltabout

beingpregnant?”

Takenabackbyhisdirectness,Christieavertedhereyes,wonderinghowtoreply.“Blake,Ifeelso

muchbetter.Iwasjustfeelingtheheattodayandthebaby’sheartbeatwentupslightly.”Sheshrugged.
“AndthenIgotworried.Butwe’rebothfine.”

Heseemedunconvinced,keptaskingheraboutthedoctor’sconsultation.Christietriedtojokeaboutit.

“Iwouldhavethoughtyouheardfarmorethanyoueverneededtoknowaboutmypregnancytodayatthe
hospital.Whatelseisthere?”ShehopedBlakewouldleavethesubject;didnotwanttoendlesslydiscuss
herpregnancy,wantingonlytoappearindependent,self-reliant,ignoringthepartofherthatwanted
desperatelytoconfideinBlake,talkabouthowshewasfeeling.

“Whataboutthealcohol?”hecontinued.“Hadyoubeenworriedaboutthat?”
Christienodded,herfaceshadowing.“ThefirstdoctorIsawinInvercargillwasquitedisapproving.

SoIdidn’task.AndthentheInternetsaidsomanydifferentthings…”Hervoicetrailedoff.Shenoticed
Blakeseemeduncomfortable.

“WillyouhavethebabyinQueenstown?”heaskedsuddenly.
Christielookedathim,surprisedathisquestion.“That’stheplan,”shesaidlightly.
“Willyouenrolwiththedoctoryousawtoday?”Shenodded,takenabackbyhiscontinuedquestions,

hisdetailedinterest,explainingshehopedtoconfirmthedetailsatthefollowupconsultationthenextday.

“WithLisa,”sheadded,notwantingtoassumeBlakecouldtakeher.
Hetensed.“Ofcourse,”hesaidneutrally.“You’dprefertogowithLisa.ButI’maroundtomorrow,

couldtakeyou.”Heshrugged,strivingforacasual,unconcernedtone,knowinghehadalreadyrevealed
fartoomuchwithhisspecificquestions.“Seehowtomorrowturnsout.”

“Toremindyouofthefarmvetvisits?”Christieasked,tryingtokeeptheedgefromhervoiceand

failing.

Blakelaughed,hiseyesbrightinthelowlightofthelounge.“Pregnancyisapartofnature,Christie.

Nopointinbeingembarrassedaboutit.That’sallImeant.”

Mollifiedasheconfirmedhehadonlybeentryingtoputheratease,Christiefinishedthefruitinher

bowl,spooningupthelastofthesyrup.“More?”Blakeasked.Christienodded,embarrassedbutsuddenly
realisingthatforthefirsttimesinceherpregnancywasconfirmed,shefeltlikeeating,thatherappetite
wasreturning.

—#—

ChristierealisedBlakehadfallensilentsuddenly,wonderedwhy.Sherelaxedbackintothechair,not

wantingtointerrupthisthoughts,watchinghimsurreptitiously,herbreathcatchingasawarenessofhis
tall,litheframefloodedthroughher.Hermindwhirled,imagesfromthepasttwodaysplayinginher
head,instinctivelyawareBlakestillhadnotbeencompletelyhonestwithher,wasstillclose-mouthed
aboutareasofhislife.Hisabruptsilencejustnowhadbeenpronounced;shewonderedwhethertoask
himaboutit.

Asafriend,Christiethoughtruefully,stubbornlyrefusingtoacknowledgeBlake’scomments,the

blatantdesireinhiseyes,hiscontinuedassistance,hisinterestinherasaperson.Lostinherown
thoughts,ChristiedidnotrealiseBlakewaswatchingher,lookedupwithastartashespoke.“Youmust
betired.Aftereverythingtoday.”

Christietensed,miserableathisimpersonaltone,despiteherownthoughts,doubts.“Yes,”shesaid

politely,realisingtheywerebothtalkinglikeslightacquaintances.“Imightgo—”shehesitated,hereyes
fixedonthecoffeetable,“—tobed.”

“Allright,”Blakesaid,hisvoicecalm.Christiestoodup,carryingtheemptydessertplatesintothe

kitchen,seeingthedishesonthebench.Coveringayawn,Christieresolvedtodothedishesbeforeshe
wenttobed,openedcupboardsasshelookedfortheplug,thedetergent.“Leavethem.”

Shelookedaround,seeingBlakestandinginthekitchen.“Blake,I—”
“Leavethem,Christie,”herepeated,hisvoicerough.“Youcandotheminthemorningifyou’resohell

bentonit,”hecontinued,obviouslymakinganefforttomoderatehisvoice.Christiefled,boltingfromthe
kitchen,unabletostay,faceBlake’ssuddencoldness.

ChapterThirteen

ItwasmuchlaterwhenChristiewoke.Shelaywatchingthethinshaftofmoonlightreachacrossthe

woodenfloor,thinkingbackovertheevening,acknowledgingherregret,wonderingagainwhyBlakehad
beensodistantafterdinner.Again,shecontrastedBlake’sgruff,genuinesupportwithPaul.Thereisno
comparison,shewhisperedtoherself,tearsglitteringonhercheeksasthemoonlightplayedonherface.

Asifinadream,Christieslidoutofbed,realisingherwaterbottlewasstillinBlake’scar,telling

herselfsheneededadrinkofwater,lookingdownatherstomachandplaincottonpyjamasasshewryly
acknowledgedtheywouldbeaneffectiveantidoteforBlake,evenifhedidwakeup.

Christiestoledownthehallwayintothekitchen,startedlightlyopeningacupboard,tryingtoremember

wheretheglassesormugswere.I’lljustrinsemyoldglassandusethat,shethought,turningtothesink.
Shefroze,mesmerised,assherealisedBlakewasstandingbythekitchenbench,watchingher,hisarms
foldedcasually.Herfaceburnedashergazefellonhisblackboxershorts,histoned,tannedbody,his
muscularshoulders.

Blake’seyeswatchedherintently;Christierealisedshecouldnotlookaway.“Ijustwantedadrinkof

water,”shesaidfaintly,formingthewordswithdifficulty.Withoutaword,Blakesteppedovertoa
cupboard,gotaglass,hisbodyilluminatedinthemoonlightstreamingthroughtheuncoveredwindows.

Christietensed,watchingsilentlyasBlakemovedclosetoher,reachedaroundher,holdinghernextto

thesink,almostembracingher;instead,shesawhisstronghandturningthetapon,hisotherhandholding
theglasstofillitwithwaterbeforeheplacedtheglassonthebenchinfrontofthem.Christielooked
around,upathim,hereyeshugeashestayedstandingclosetoher,consciousofhisbarechestagainsther,
hisarmsstilllightlyencirclingher.

Christietookadeepbreath,awaveoflongingcrashingoverher,unabletobedenied.“Thankyou,”

shesaidquietly,relaxingslightlyagainsthim.“Foreverything,”sheadded.ShefeltBlakeshiftslightly,
felthimembracehermorefirmly,hisarmsclaspingaroundherwaist,drawinghercloseragainsthim,her
headtuckedunderhischin.

“Noworries,”hesaid,hisvoicestrangelyhoarse.Christiecrossedherarmsoverhis,leaningback

againsthim,secureinhisstrength,suddenlyuncaringofthechangesinherbody,herpregnantstomach.
Unwillingtomove,Christiestayedleaningagainsthim,feelinghishandslightlystrokingherstomach
throughthethincottonofherpyjamashirt,gentlymovingunderthefinefabric,overherbareskin,moving
upwardsashepressedagainsther.

KnowingsheneededtotalktoBlakesheduckedherhead,feelinghimtense,hishandsstillbriefly.

“Stillwanttodothedishes?”heasked,hisvoicelow,intimateinherear,hishandscontinuingtocaress,
holdher.Christiechokedbacklaughterassherealisedshewasstandingatthekitchensink,still
surroundedbydirtydishes,heramusementreceding,replacedbyfreshdesireasBlake’stouchbecame
moreinsistent.

“Notrightnow,”shewhispered,feelinghimrelaxatherresponse,thewarmthofhisbodythroughthe

thinmaterialofherpyjamas,notwantinghistouchtoend,steelingherselftoremindhimofthephysical
realitybeforebeingsweptawayagainonastrongcurrentofintensedesire.

Christietwistedagainsthim,turning,herbacktothebench,tiltingherhead,wantingtokisshim,almost

gaspingasshesawthedesireinhiseyes,felthisbodyagainsther.Shewasdimlyawareofhishands
rangingoverherbackashekissedherdeeply.Christieclungtohim,hersensesclamouring,knowingonly
thatshewantedtobewithhim,realitywashingoverherashishandscurvedoverherstomach.

“Blake…”shebegantentatively,hervoicelow,“Ican’t…withthebaby…”Hervoicetrailedoffas

Blakestartedlightlystrokingthesidesofherbody.

“Doctor’sorders,”hecommented,theintimacyinhistonemakinghervoicecatch,hearingtheechoof

understandingfromthepreviousnight.

“Yes,”shesaidsoftly,inhalinghisscent,hercheekagainsthisthroat.
Christieshiftedagainsthim,wantingtobeascloseaspossibletohim,unabletoimaginebeingapart,

realisinghishandswerestillwanderingoverherbody,tracingalinedownherspine,rubbingthesmallof
herback,herstomach,teasingthewaistbandofherpyjamas.“Blake.”Christie’svoicewasalmostasigh,
onlyconsciousoftheintensesensationhistouchwasevoking.

Hazily,sherealisedBlakewasrespondingtohercloseness,tothepressofherbody,toherkisses.

“Blake,wecan’t…”Hesilencedherwithhismouth,kissingher,lockingherinanembrace,eventually
movinghishead,whisperinginherear,hisintimatesuggestionsmakinghersuddenlyshy.Hishand
moved;Christiegaspedwithpleasure.

“Whatwouldthedoctorsayaboutmoreofthat?”hemurmured,hislowvoiceemphasisinghe

understoodaboutthebaby,repeatinghisneedtobeclosetoher,toholdher;histact,hishumour,
smoothingawayherdoubtsashemadenoattempttoinitiateleavingthekitchen.Completely
overwhelmed,Christienoddedagainsthim,suddenlyhesitantasshesuggestedreturningtobed.

“Youmeanthecouch?”Blake’svoicewaswarm,intimate.Herhandplayedlightlyacrosshisstomach;

marvellingatitstautness.

“Isthereroomfortwoonthecouch?”Hecouldfeelthetickleofherbreathagainsthisneckasshe

spoke.

“Notreally,”Blakerepliedhoarsely.
“That’syouranswer,”Christiemurmured.
“Sure?”Blakewhisperedagainstherhair.Shenoddedagain.“Justmakingsureyou’reawake,”he

said,athreadofdesiremixedwiththeamusementinhisvoiceasheguidedherdownthehallandintothe
bedroom.

—#—

Christiewokelatethenextmorning,thememoryofthenightbeforefloodingback.Shelaystill,

thinkingback,rememberingBlake’stouch,herreaction,hispassionateresponsetoher.Sheknewhewas
nolongerinthebed,feltherheartlurchassherememberedfallingasleepinhisarms.

Shestaredupattheceiling,focusingonthedifferentgrainsinthewoodenbeams,tryingtorationalise

whathadoccurred.ChristieacknowledgedtoherselfsheremainedinlovewithBlake;themagneticforce
ofhischarisma,hissenseofhumour,hisarroganttendencytotakecontrol,arrangethingsonherbehalf.

Andyetoverlayingitallwashiscontinuedreticence,hisreluctancetoshareentireaspectsofhislife.

SheallowedherselftothinkofPaulandAmanda;stillshakenbytheirbetrayal,shewastroubledatthe
thoughtofinvolvingherselfwithBlakewhoremainedselectiveaboutwhathetoldher,Blakewhose
charmclearlyattractednotonlyher.

Christieignoredthesmallvoiceinsideherheartprotestingthathehadgivenhernoreasontoworry

aboutfidelity,hadwantedhertogotoabusinessmeetingwithhim,takenheradviceaboutthewine
labels.Acold,foreignvoiceinsidehermindlistedthemyriadofissuesinherlife,herpregnancy,its
physicalconsequences,herfinancialposition,herimminentsingleparenthood.Alloftheseweresurely
disadvantagestosomeonelikeBlake,givenhislackofclosenesstohisownfamily,hisfinancialsuccess;
hisstunninggoodlooks.Again,thevoiceinherhearttoldhershewasthinkinglikePaul,equatinglooks
andmoneywithlove.

Blakehadmadehernopromisesovernight;shelongedtohearwordsoflove,commitment.Inthecold

lightofdayshewonderediflastnightwasjustopportunisticfromhispointofview,ifshewassomeone
topassthetimewithuntilhecouldwalkintothenearestbarandreplaceher.

Christie’smindskitteredfromthoughttothought,notacknowledgingtoherselfhowmuchPaul’s

betrayalwasstillaffectingher,damagingherjudgment.HermindreplayedBlake’soutrageousteasing

aboutreachingsecondbase,hisunquestioningunderstandingofherpregnancywhilestillmakingitclear
hewantedher,hiskissessilencingherself-consciousnessaboutherpregnantbody.

Christiefeltbetter,calmer,afterashower,wonderingwhatBlakewouldsaythismorning,hearinghim

movingaroundthekitchen.Steelingherself,shewalkeddownthehallway,intothekitchen,hereyes
involuntarilygazingatthebench,thesink,wherelastnight…Sherealisedwithashockthebenchwas
clear,hermindseizingonirrelevantfactsasshestilldidn’tlookatBlake.

“Goodmorning.”Hisvoicewascool,vaguelysarcasticashenoticedChristie’sapparentreluctanceto

lookathim,acknowledgehim.Shefinallyreplied,herfacetingedwithpink,glancingathimbriefly,her
facetroubled.Blakebreatheddeeply,alreadyonedge,knowingfromherdemeanoursheregrettedlast
night.Hehadstartedcookingbreakfast,determinedtotalktoherthismorning,explain.Heglanced
towardshismobilephone,sittingonthebench,silent.Icancallagainthisafternoon,herationalised.
OnceItalktoChristie…

BlakelookedbackatChristie,unfamiliarnervousnessfillinghimashethoughtaboutwhathewanted

totellher.Toolatehehadrealisedshehadn’tknown,thathisassumptionwassodangerous,thatpeople
wereassiduouslyprotectinghim,awareofhissensitivity.AndI’vebeengutless,hethought,notsparing
himself.Idon’tneedotherpeopletotellChristiewhatIcansoeasilytellhermyself.

AndherealiseditwasChristiewhohadmadehimseewhathisparents,Rebecca,hisfriendshad

constantlyreinforced,triedtomakehimunderstand.Justthenhisphonerang;hesnatcheditoffthebench,
seeingthephonenumberonthescreen,realisingChristiewaswatchinghim.Withamutteredexcusehe
headedoutside,closingthedoorbehindhim.

ShockedatBlake’sreactiontothephoneringing,Christiemovedovertocheckthescrambledeggsand

bacononthestove,shakingherheadassherealisedhehadsimplyabandonedthecooking,wondering
whocouldbeonthephonetomakehimanswersoeagerly,leavesoabruptly.

Withastart,sherealisedshecouldhearBlake’svoicedriftingthroughtheopenkitchenwindow,his

voicestrangelyhesitantashesuggestedmeeting,wantingtotalkinperson,askingwhenwouldsuit.
Christie’sheartwiltedassheregisterednotonlyhiswordsbuthistone,hishesitancywhenspeakinga
revealingcontrasttohisusualself-possession.TearsseepedfromhereyesassheheardBlakeaskifthey
couldmeetalone,hisvoicefadingashemovedawayfromthecottage,outofearshot.

Mechanically,Christiebrushedthetearsaway,gotoutplatesandcutlery,dishedoutthebreakfast,

everymoveacruelechoofthenightbefore.Shewasjustabouttotaketheplatestothetablewhenshe
heardthefrontdooropen,sawBlakeappearinthedoorway,hiseyessparkling,warm.Numbly,she
watchedhimputhismobilephonebackonthebench.

Heturnedbacktothedoorasacarcameupthedriveway,givingbreakfastaruefullook.“Ithinkthat’s

theneighbourwantingtoborrowabagofcement;youstart,I’llbeback.”Blakedisappearedoutthefront
dooragain,leavingChristiestandingaloneinthekitchen.Shecarriedtheplatesovertothetable,trying
nottothinkabouthisphoneonthebench.

Whatshehadheardhadshockedhertothecore.Maybethere’saninnocentexplanation,Christie

thoughtdesperately,unabletothinkwhatthatmightbe.Thatwasn’tahuntingtriphewasarranging,she
thoughtbitterly.Hermindjustifiedheractionasshewalkedbacktowardshisphone,evenasherheart
pleadedwithhernotto,tosimplyaskBlakewhenhecamebackinside,talktohimopenly.Christie
paused,hearingBlakestilltalkingtotheneighbouroutside.

Furtively,shepickeduphisphone,searchingforthelistofrecentcalls,herfacepalingwithshockas

shesawLisa’snumber,rememberingherearliersuspicions,knowingshehadbeenright.

“Doyouneedtomakeacall?”HereyesflewuptoBlakeasheleanedinthedoorway,hisvoicehard,

filledwithcontempt.Sheflinched,silent,herfaceflaming.Herepeatedhiswords,hisvoiceadeadly
echoofhiscommentontheferryallthosemonthsago.

Christiewasfrozentothespot,immobile,realisingtherewasnocredibleexplanationforheractions,

thatBlakehadimmediatelyguessedwhyshewasholdinghisphone.

“Ifyouwanttoknowsomethingwhydon’tyoujustaskme?”hesaid,angerinhisvoice.Christie

mutteredanapology,barelyabletospeak,holdingouthisphonetohim.“Goforit,”hesaid,hisanger
building.“Idon’tneeditback.There’snothingonthereyoucan’tsee.Sitdownoverbreakfast,takeyour
time,checkthewholething.”

Thecontemptinhisvoicelashedherconscience.“ThatwasLisa,”Christiesaid,hervoicedead,too

heartsickforanger.

“Noitwasn’t,”hesaid,stillfurious.
“Ohcomeon,Blake!”Christieexclaimed.“Thephonenumber’srightthereandyou’restill—”
“You’veusedLisa’sphoneyourselftocallme,”heinterrupted.Christiefellsilent,knowinghewas

right,notwantingtoadmitittohim.

“Itdoesn’tmatterwhoitwasanyway,”shesaid,hervoicesuddenlyweary.“Iheardtheconversation

sothenameoftheactualgirlisacademic.”

“Eavesdroppingaswell?”Blake’svoicewaslow,dangerous.
“No,actually,”Christiereplied,drivenbysomefutileurgetoexplain.“Well,notdeliberately,Iwas

cooking,thewindow…”Hervoicebrokeasshegesturedtowardsthestove.

“Wellthat’sallrightthen,”Blakesaidsarcastically,ignoringthevoiceinsidehimthatremindedhimof

thesmalldimensionsofthecottage,thewayhehadoverheardChristie’stelephonediscussionthenight
before.“Aren’tyougoingtoaskmewhowasonthephone?”

“No,”Christiereplied.“Idon’tcarewhoitwas.”
“Ithinkyoudo,”hestated.
Sheshookherhead,furiousnow.Blakeshrugged,hisfacefilledwithemotion,hiseyesbleakashe

heldhistemperincheck,hiscoldvoiceinfinitelymorehurtful.“Youwouldn’ttrustmyansweranyway.”

“Idon’tcarewhatyouransweris,”Christierepeatedstubbornly,herwordsdevastatinghim;only

minutesagohehadfeltthewayforwardwasclear,andnow…

“Andifthatconversationwassoinnocentwhynothaveitinthekitchen?”
“Becausesomethings—”
“Somethings,”Christierepeatedderisively,interruptingwhathehadwantedtosay.
Heoverrodeher.“Yes,Christie,somethingsarepersonal.Youdidn’twanttoansweryourphonethat

timeatthepub.Youdidn’twantmethereatthehospitalyesterday,didyou?”

“Idid,”shesaid,stungintoreplying.“ButIstartedtoaskandyouassumed—”
Blakelaughedshortly.“Whatever.Mypointisthatyouwereembarrassedatmehearingallthat.

You’renottheonlypersonwiththings—”

“No.”Furiousathim,attheparallelshewasdrawing,sheglaredathim.“Notinterested,Blake.Iwant

togobacktoLisa’s.”Herlastwordendedonasobassherealisedtheawkwardnessofthesituation,that
Lisawouldinevitablyknowwhohadusedherphone,wouldprobablycommentonthesituation.Christie
pushedpasthim,walkingdownthehallway,breakfastforgotten.

Shethrewherclothesintoherovernightbag,zippeditup.Hehadfollowedher.“Christie,atleast

comeandhavebreakfast,sitdownandtalk.”SheglaredatBlakeashestoodinthedoorway,tears
glitteringinhereyes.“IwanttogobacktoLisa’s,”sherepeated.Blakecouldseethepaininhereyes,
cursedhimselfforthesituationhehadcreated.Hewantedtoexplain,acknowledgeditwouldnotbewise
atthemomentwithChristieclearlyinthegripofaspirallingrage,matchedonlybyhisownemotion.

Heliftedhishands,tryingtoplacate.“Ifthat’swhatyouwant,Christie,”hesaid,tryingtomaintaina

reasonabletone.“I’llcallyoulater,takeyououtforajuice.”Hesmiledather,hisunconsciouscharm
devastatingher.

“Addmynametothelist,”shesaidscathingly.
Blake’sself-controlsnapped.“Ihaveofferedtoexplain.Youwon’tlisten,won’ttalk.Youwon’tmeet

melater.Youdon’twanttosortthisout.Getinthecar.Now.”Beforeshecouldreply,hestepped
forward,pickedupherovernightbag,walkedouttothecar.Christiefollowedhim,avertinghereyesas
shewalkedpastthekitchen,shutthefrontdoor.Sheclimbedintothecarmechanically,dullyrealising
Blakehadalreadystartedtheengine,wasnottheretohelpherin.

—#—

ThecarpulledupatLisa’splace;ChristiewasawarethatBlake’sangerhadonlyincreased,despite

hiscompletesilence,refusaltotalktoher.Sheclimbedoutofthecar,suddenlywantingtobeinside,in
theguestroom,alone.ShecouldseeLisaatthefrontdoor,talkingtosomeoneinsidethehome.Christie
turnedtoBlake,noticingthathewasillatease,hoveringontheroadratherthaninviewofthehouse.

“Christie—”
Sheinterruptedhim,unbearablyhurt,tryingtofocusonpracticalities.“WhataboutthegearIboughtin

Dunedin?”

“I’lldropitroundtoLisa’ssometime,”hesaidafterapause.Shenoticedthatheputherovernightbag

onthefootpath.

Thecoldnessofhisactionstunnedher.“Blake…”
“Lisawillcarryitinforyou.”HegesturedtoLisawhowaswalkingdownthepath,Brendafollowing.

“I’vegottoheadoffnow,”hesaid,watchingthetwowomenapproach,hiseyesshadowed.Speechless,
ChristiesteppedawayfromthekerbasBlakedroveoff.SheturnedtomeetLisaandBrenda,barely
coveringherheartbreak,answeringtheirquestionsaboutthebaby,politelyinventinganappointmentas
thereasonBlakecouldn’tstay.Brendacommentedonhisabruptdeparture,sayingshehadwantedto
speakwithhim,invitehimin.

Andthatwouldhavebeeninteresting,Christiethought,recallingthetimethatBlakehaddroppedher

offafterlunchatthewinery.LisacarriedChristie’sbagintotheguestroom,pushedthedoorclosed.

“And?”Lisaasked,hereyessparklingwithmischief.Christiemadeasnapdecision,notwantingto

jeopardiseherfriendshipwithLisa,thehousesittingarrangementatthefrontofhermind.

“Nothinghappened,”sheliedcalmly.
“Yeahsure,”Lisasaid,bluntasever.“Hedidn’tevencarryyourbagin.Something’shappened.”
IttookallofChristie’sstrengthtostaycalm,replycasually.“We’llprobablyjustbefriends,”shesaid,

hearingherownvoiceasiffromagreatdistance.“I’vegotthebabytothinkabout,afterall.”

Lisanoddedsilently,hereyesnarrowingassheassessedChristie’swords.“Ifyoucan’tbehonestwith

mejustsayyoudon’twanttotalkaboutit,thatit’stoopersonal,”Lisasaidperceptively.

Numbly,Christienodded,registeringLisa’sreferencetothingsbeingtoopersonal,thinkingbackto

whatBlakehadsaidaboutthesamething.“Sorry,”shesaid.Lisashrugged,decidingnottopry,changing
thesubject,askingagainaboutthebaby.Christietoldheraboutthefurthercheck-upsheneeded;Lisa
immediatelyofferedtodriveher,suggestedtheycouldlookaroundQueenstownthatafternoon.

—#—

ItseemedtoChristiethatthenextthreedaysflewpastasshekeptherselfbusy,madeadeliberate

efforttolookaroundtheareainLisa’scompany,planningforthebaby’sarrival,seeingthesupermarket,
theshoppingprecinct,gettingherbearings.Lisa’sparentswerefriendly,talkingtoheraboutthearea,
Brendaaskingdailyaboutthebaby,obviouslyconcernedafterhearingaboutChristie’shospitalvisit.

ChristiewentoutoneeveningwithLisaandherfriendswhowouldallbeapplyingforworkattheski

fieldsoverwinter.OnherfinaldayinArrowtownbeforesheandLisadrovebacktoBlufftocatchthe
ferry,Christiesatintheconservatory,readingamagazine,relaxinginthesilenthouse.Sheheardthefront

dooropen,calledout,thinkingitwasLisa,realiseditwasBrendaasshewalkedintotheconservatory,
tookaseatonthecouchoppositeChristie.

Politely,Christieputdownhermagazine,straightenedup,makingsmalltalk,noticingthepronounced

changeinBrenda’sdemeanour,herrelaxed,calmexpression,privatelywonderingwhathadcausedsucha
changefromBrenda’susualairoflingeringsadness.

“I’mgladyoucametovisit,Christie,”Brendasaidnow.
“Thankyouforhavingmetostay,”Christiereturnedpolitely.Brendacontinuedtalking,askingabout

thebaby,Christie’splans.Christieansweredherhonestly,unabletoshakethefeelingBrendawaspleased
withheranswers,unabletoworkoutwhyshehadthatimpression,whyBrenda’sopinionshouldmatter.

“Irememberreadingaboutpaidparentalleave,allthedifferentbenefitsthatareavailablenowfor

singlemothers,”Brendasaidsuddenly,surprisingher.Christienodded,mentioningshedidnotqualifyfor
paidparentalleave,makinggeneralcommentsaboutherownplans.“AndLisasaysyourparentsare
travellinginAustralia,”Brendasaid,interruptingChristie.Christienodded,frowningslightlyatBrenda’s
abruptchangeofsubject.“Willyourmothercomeovertoseethebaby,bewithyouatthebirth?”

Christienodded.“Ihopeso,yes.”ShetiltedherheadasshetriedtofollowBrenda’schainofthought,

puzzledfurtherbyBrenda’scommentabouthowluckyChristiewastohavefamilysupport.Perhaps
Brendadisapprovesofmedecidingtokeepthebaby,shethoughtsuddenly,wonderinghowthatcouldbe
givenBrenda’spreviouscomments,hercontinualfriendlinesstoChristieandinterestinherpregnancy.

“Well,we’reonlyaphonecallawayifyouneedanything,Christie.Youknowwhereweare.”

Touched,Christiethankedher,recognisinghergenuineoffer,knowingshedidn’tdisapprove,infact
sincerelywantedtohelp.

—#—

Blakesatatthediningroomtable,lookingaroundatthehomehehadneverseen,theperfecttaste

evidentineveryexpensivefurnishing,everythinghesawremindinghimofChristie,herflairfordesign.
Nowthathewasherehedidn’tknowwheretostart,lookedacrossthetable.

“Outwithit,”shesaidbluntly,realisingsomethingwastroublinghim,surprisedbutpleasedtoreceive

hisabruptcallaskingifhecouldcomeover.Althoughtheirpersonalitiesweresodifferent,theyhad
alwaysbeenclose,understoodeachother,until…Blakelookedagainatherhandsonthetableinfront
ofher,seeingherweddingrings,thinkingagainofChristie.

ShelistenedtoBlake’shaltingstory,instantlyrecognisedthesolution.“Well,you’vesortedthatout

anyway.Sothat’sgood,isn’tit?Betterforbothofyou.”Blakeagreedquickly.“Icanonlyguesshow
you’refeeling,Blake.Butyouhavebeenvery…sensitive…aboutthis.Anditdoesn’tchangethewayI
feelaboutyou.Ionlywish…”

“What?”heprompted.
“Thatyou’dsortthingsoutwithChristie,”shesaid,grinningathim.“Itwouldn’tbesuchabigdealif

you’djusttoldhertostartwith,”sheadded,choosingherwordscarefully.“Thenwecouldstopalways
watchingwhatwesay.Pluseveryonecouldmoveontoothergossip.”Shestoodupasthekettleboiled,
startedlaughingashestoodupalso,smiledupathimasheenvelopedherinasuddenhug,completely
dwarfingherwithhistallframe.

Sherealisedhestillwantedtotalk,hidingheramazementasshelistened,knowinghecouldeasily

becomeannoyed,defensive,ifsheinterrupted.“I’lldoit,”shesaidsimply,tellinghimwhatsheneeded.

“Whateveryouneed,”hesaid,stunnedbyheroffer.“Justletmeknow,here—”Hetookouthiswallet;

shewaveditaway.ShehadseenBlakehadarrivedwithasheafofpapers,pamphlets;nowheopened
themuponthetable.Shehidhersurpriseashepointedtooneofthepamphlets;satdownwithhercoffee,
herfaceintentasshespunthepamphletsaroundsoshecouldseethem,focusingonthenotesBlakehad

made.

Heleftsometimelater,huggingheragain.“Blake.”Helookeddownather,hiseyescalmbut

purposeful.“Christie’snottheonlypersonyouneedtosortthingsoutwith.”Shesawhisfacechange,
becomeguardedsuddenly,knewshehadsaidenough.Fornow.

—#—

ChristiewasrelievedtobebackonStewartIslandafteraweekintheQueenstownDistrict,slipping

backintotheworkroutine,countingdowntothebaby’sbirth.Everyevening,everymorning,shethought
ofBlake,agonisingoverhisbehaviour,missinghisreassuringpresence,histeasing,hisconcern.Hehad
notcontactedheragainafterleavingheratLisa’splacesoabruptlyandtherehadbeennosignofhimon
theisland.

Idon’tneedanotherPaul,Christietoldherself,desperatelyclampingdownontheinsistentvoice

insideher,tellinghertocontactBlake,talktohim,hearhisexplanation,apologiseagainforherownlack
oftrust.Shetookcomfortfromthestunningsceneryoftheisland,resolvingtocomebackoneday,return
toMasonBay,domoretramping.

MemoriesoverwhelmedherasshethoughtbacktohervisittoMasonBay,Blakeagainattheforefront

ofhermind.Paulhadbecomeadistant,shadowyfigureinherthoughts;dully,shewonderedwhetherthat
wouldchangeoncethebabywasborn.

OnChristie’sfinalnightonStewartIslandshemetLisa,Murrayandafewcolleaguesinthepub,

smilingatIanandothersaroundtheroomshehadmetoverhertimeontheisland.

“Youknowwhereweare,Christie,”Iansaidtohergrufflyinwhatshehadcometorealisewasthe

typicalSoutherners’wayofaskinghertokeepintouch.Later,asshesatinthecrib,staringoutatthe
moonlightilluminatingtheblacksea,shethoughtbacktoherarrival,acknowledgedhowmuchsheloved
theisland,whatherstayhadtaughther.

Sheknew,deepinherheart,thatshehadhadaluckyescapenotmarryingPaul.I’mjusthavinghis

babyinstead,shethoughtruefully.AndtomorrowshewouldbetravellingbacktoArrowtownwithLisa,
whohadevenarrangedforafriendtodriveChristie’scarupfromBluffsoChristiecouldhaveitwithher
inQueenstown.Lisahadpromisedtohelphermoveintotheapartment,andthebaby’sbirthwasonly
aroundsixweeksawaynow,intheautumn.

OnreceivingChristie’stelephonecall,hermotherhadinstantlymadefirmplanstotravelto

QueenstowntosupportChristieforthebirth,wouldarriveinjustoveramonth,staywithChristiefor
severalweeks.Thememoryofhearinghermotherandthenherfatheronthephone,theirunconditional
loveandsupportevident,stillmadeChristietearupwithemotionwhenshethoughtaboutit.

Sheranthroughherplansforcontractingagain,herhandsmovingtocradleherstomach,tryingnotto

thinkofBlake’stouch,thenightatMasonBay,inDunedin,athiscottage.AtleasthegotPauloutofmy
head,shethoughttoherself.Despiteherself,shewonderedwhatBlakewasdoing,howthehousewas
progressing,rememberedhimaskinghertohelp,hiscommentsaboutRebecca.

Stilltroubled,Christiereadiedherselfforbed,herthoughtsswirling.ThatphonecallBlakereceived

wasjustsounusual.Itwasobviouslyamajorthingforhim.Allofhisbehaviourthatmorningwasso
outofcharacter.LeavingmeoutsideLisa’sparents’place,hisfailuretocarrymybagin,whenfrom
thefirstdayImethimherefusedtobelieveIcouldliftanythingheavierthanacupofcoffee.Itall
stemmedfromthatcall.Shegotintobed,rememberingBlakeputtinghishandonLisa’sshoulderatthe
pub,rememberingLisaintroducinghermothertoChristie,dismissingherconclusionsasfanciful.But
whatifI’mright,shethoughttoherselfassheslippedintosleep.

ChapterFourteen

Christiewokeupsuddenly,turninguncomfortablyinthebedattheQueenstownapartment,tryingto

relax,thinkingofhermother’simminentarrival.Itwasnotevendawn;shefrownedasshebecame
consciousofadullacheacrossherback.Butthebabyisn’tdueforanothertwoweeks,shethought,
tryingtogetcomfortable.Suddenly,asharppainlancedthroughher;shegasped,struggledtositup.

Shereachedforhermobileinthedarkness,tryingtoremaincalm.Hermidwifehadexplainedthe

stagesoflabour,toldherthesignstolookfor,emphasisedChristiecouldcallatanytimeforpeaceof
mind.Shescrolledthroughherstorednumbers,calledthemidwife,notwantingtotakechances.Christie
tensedasthemidwifeaskedhertocomeintothehospitalasaprecaution,sayingshewouldmeether
there.

“Isthattypeofpainnormal?”Christieasked.“Thesharppain,Imean?”Themidwifereassuredher,

confirmedshewouldbewaitingatthehospital.Christiehungup,tryingtofocus.Hermotherwouldbe
arrivinginjustafewhours,butsheneededtogettothehospital.TheofferBrendahadrecentlymade
flashedintohermind;assheonlyworkedparttimeshehadofferedtobeChristie’semergencycontactin
casetherewasanyproblempriortothearrivalofChristie’smother.

Embarrassedtobecallingsoearlybutincreasinglyconcernedaboutthebaby,Christieagainscrolled

downthelistshehadstoredinherphone,lookingforBrenda’sname.Shefounditjustasanotheraching
painspreadthroughher;herfearintensifyingasshefumbledtopressthebuttononthephone,barelyable
tofocusthroughthepain.Christieheldthephonetoherear,desperatelywillingBrendatoanswer,
hearingtheringingstopwithprofoundrelief.

“Brenda?It’sChristie.I’msorrytocallsoearlybut—”
“It’snotBrenda.”
Christieclosedhereyes,overwhelmedassheheardthefamiliardeepvoice,seeminglywideawake,

realisinginherpanicshehadmistakenlycalledthenamebeforeBrenda’sonthealphabeticallist—Blake.
Shewassilentforamoment,wonderingwhattosay,inhaledquicklyasanotherintensesharppainshot
throughher.“ImeanttocallBrenda.”

“Christie,isitthebaby?Areyouinlabour?”Blake’svoicewascalm,reassuring.
“Ithinkso,”Christiesaid,tryingtospeaknormally.
Heheardthefainttremorinhervoice.“Whereareyou?Haveyoucalledthemidwife?”
“Attheapartment.Themidwifewantsmetocomeintothehospital.Justasaprecaution,”Christie

addedhastily.“BrendasaidIcouldcallher…Mymotherarrivesthismorning.I—”

“’Rightthen.”Heinterruptedher,realisingthatshewasworriedbuttryingtodisguiseit.“Youwaitat

theapartment.I’llcallBrenda.I’mclosertoQueenstownthanBrendais,I’llleavenowtogetyou.
Brendacanmeetusatthehospital.”

ChristieflounderedatBlake’scalmassumptionofcontrol.Thebaby,shethought.Iwanttogettothe

hospital.“Okay.”HerimmediateagreementmadeBlakerealisehowfrightenedChristiemustbe.

“I’llbetheresoon,Christie.Waitintheapartmentforme.”Herememberedtoaskfortheaddressashe

endedthecall,dressedquickly,waitingforBrendatoanswerhiscallasheleftthecottage.

Christieslowlygotoutofbed,strugglingintoclothes,tooworriedaboutthebabytoallowherselfto

losecontroloverhermistakencalltoBlake.Hearinghisvoiceaftersolong…Shedeliberatelyshuther
mindtoheremotionalquandary,thinkingonlyofthebaby,themidwife’sreassurance.Sheheardthe
securitybuzzer,thenaknockatthedoor,lookedaround,takingadeepbreath,walkingawkwardlytothe
door,openingit.SeeingBlakeagain,histoweringpresence,almosttookherbreathaway.

Thebaby,Christierepeatedtoherself.Hesteppedinsidetheapartment,hisdarkeyesrakingoverher.

Shewincedastheachesuddenlyintensified,notknowingwhattosay,notmeetinghiseyes.Ifeelso
vulnerable,Blakealwaysseesmeatmyworst…

“Christie.”Thewayhesaidhernamemadeherlookupathim.“Thisisnatural.Notsomethingtobe

ashamedof.Let’sgettothehospital,seewhat’shappening.”Surprisingher,hesteppedclosetoher,
althoughhedidnottouchher.“Somethingmustbewrongthough,you’vewaitedformetoliftyourbag.
Whereisit?”

Dangerouslyclosetoburstingintotears,Christietoldhim;hereturnedquickly,keepingcloseto

Christieastheylefttheapartment.Blakehadparkedhiscaroutthefront,hadthedooropenandthe
passengerseatreclined.Withoutasking,Blakealmostliftedherintothecar,offeredtoadjusttheseat,
seemedabouttosaysomethingmore.

Anhourlater,Christielookedaround,wonderingwhereBlakewas,frowningassherealisedBrenda

hadnotarrivedeither.Themidwifehadbeentherewaitingforthem;Blakehadstayedclose,reassuring
herwithhispresenceyetstrangelyimpersonal.Hehadaskedacoupleofquestionsofthemidwife;then
leftabruptlywhenthemidwifesuggestedexaminingChristie.

ThemidwifehadconfirmedChristiewasintheearlystagesoflabour,wasprogressingwell.Shetried

torelax,remindingherselfshewasatthehospital,thoughtbacktowhatshehadreadaboutthebirth
process,thinkingthingsthrough.FeelingillateasewithoutBlake’sreassuringpresence,Christiefoundit
hardtokeepperspective;suddenthoughtsofPaulswirledaroundinhermind.Shepleatedthethin
hospitalsheetinherhand,tensinginvoluntarilyastheacheofacontractionintensified,focusingonthe
pleatsshehadmade.

Mymother,shethoughtsuddenly.She’llbelandinginafewhours,Iwasgoingtomeether...

Overwhelmed,Christiefinallyburstintotears,theachingwavesofdiscomfortonlyincreasingher
distress.Sheheardfootsteps,realisedBlakewasbackatherside,feltherselfenvelopedinanembrace,
listeningtohismatter-of-factwords.“Istillcan’tgetholdofBrenda,Christie.Lisa’strackingherdown
now.Iknowyouwantherhere.”

Tooupsettorespondproperly,nottakinginwhatBlakewassaying,Christiesaidnothing,torn

betweenthefeelingofbeingbackinBlake’sarmsandworryaboutthebaby.

WorriedaboutChristie,upsetatherlackofresponsetohiswords,Blaketriedtothinkwhattosay,

howtobridgethedistancethathadgrownbetweenthem.Hewaspainfullyawarethingshadremained
unresolvedbetweenthemsincethenightshehadstayedwithhim.Agonisingatthelackoftrustshehad
demonstrated,heshutthatnightaway,tryingnottothinkofChristie,smiling,laughingevenandthen—

Andnowshewasdistant,distraught,wouldnothaveevenrunghimunlessbyaccident.Ishouldhave

explainedsooner,triedtomakeamends…Mypridegotintheway.Blakehadlefttwomessagesfor
Brenda,finallygotholdofLisawholikewisehadbeenunabletocontacthermother,wasdrivingtoher
parents’housenowafterhehadoutlinedthesituation.Hetookadeepbreath,rubbingChristie’sback,
tryingtocomforther.Amistake,hethoughtharshly.Rubbingherback.Hecursedashefoughtthe
memories.

Christieheardhim,tensed.He’simpatientwithme,shethought.He’sonlyhereundersufferance.Her

heartplunged.“Blake,”shesaidsoftly,makingasupremeeffort.“I’msorrytobelikethis,tocallyou.I
knowit’sahassle.You’llneedtoheadofftoworksoon.”

“Brenda’snothere.”HedeliberatelydidnotanswerChristiedirectly,closinghiseyesatherwords,

hisheartsinking.Iwouldsupporther,ifonlyshe’dletme,hethought.ThecruelironyofBrenda,maybe
onherway,maybeseeingherherewithChristie,filledhimwithemotion.Onethingatatime,hethought
eventually,hisincisive,practicalmindfinallytakingcharge.Thefocusnowneedstobeonthebaby.

Blakehadhadaprivatetalkwiththemidwife,notcorrectingherassumptionthathewasChristie’s

partnerorsupportperson,askingseveralquestionshehadnotwantedtoaskinfrontofChristie.The
midwifehadassuredBlaketherewasnoneedtotransferChristietoDunedinorInvercargill,emphasised
theprioritywastosupportandreassureChristie.“She’sverystrong,beenveryfocusedinourmeetings,”
themidwifehadcommented.“Youjustneedtokeepaneyeonher;shedoesn’tsaymuchaboutany

worriesshe’shaving.”

You’retellingme,Blakehadthoughtsilently.Fine.Icandothat.Suddenlyhethoughtofhiswordsto

Christie,thatshewouldhelpanyonebuthimwiththeinteriorofahome.Despiteeverything,heknewhe
neededtohelphernow,ashewouldanyone.Hismindmadeup,hedrewbackslightly,unabletocontinue
rubbingherback,facethememoriestheactionevoked.ChristiefeltthephysicaldistanceBlakeimposed,
triedtobringherselfundercontrol.

“Christie,let’shaveatalkforamoment,sortoutwhat’shappening.Whathasthemidwifetoldyou?”

Blake’sauthoritativevoicemadeChristiefocus;heachedtocomforther,knewhecouldonlygetthrough
thisbyremainingcalm,controlled.

HelistenedasChristiehaltinglyexplainedthetimeframethemidwifehadestimated,theoptionsshe

haddiscussedwithChristie,thedecisionsChristiehadtentativelymade.“Soundseasy,”hedeadpanned.

“Justanotherscenefromthefarm,”Christiesaidinthesametone,determinednottolosecontrolagain

infrontofBlake.

“Whendoesyourmotherarrive?”Blakeasked,listeningtoChristie’sreply,askingforflightdetails.

“Theairport’sjustdowntheroad,I’llmeether,bringherhere.”SuddenpanicfilledChristie;shefoundit
impossibletomaintainafaçade.

“Couldyoustay,please,Blake?”shemuttered.
“I’msureBrendawillbeheresoon,butIcanstayforaslongasyouneedme,”hesaidneutrally.
Christietensedathisimpersonaltone,swallowedhard.“Couldyoustay,please,Blake?”sherepeated

nervously,herheartpounding.

Unabletobelievewhathewashearinghestoodback,watchingher.Christieglancedathim,hesitating,

tensing,astheacheintensified.“Apparently,youneedtobreathethroughthose,”Blakesaid,hiseyes
unreadableashecoveredhisconfusionwithaflippantcomment,beforerememberingherdistress.“Ican
stay,Christie,”hesaidquietly.“JustletmeknowwhatIcando,orifyouwantmeoutoftheway.”A
thoughtstruckhim.“Isyourmotherontheplanealready,doyouwanttocallher,callyourfamily?”The
unspokenpossibilityofcallingPaulhungbetweenthem;Blakewonderedwhatthecurrentsituationwas.

Christielookedathim,realisingsheshouldprobablytryandwarnhermother,suggestshegetataxi.

Blake’svoicewasdefiniteasheagaininsistedonarrangingforhermothertobecollected.Christie
subsidedasshemadethecall,tearingupassheheardhermother’svoice,strong,reassuring,emphasising
toChristieshewasjustarrivingatSydneyairport,wouldlandinQueenstowninonlyafewhours,asking
whowaswithher.

“Justafriend,”Christiesaid.Blakeheardherwords,tensed.Tentatively,notwantingtoupsether,

BlakeaskedherwhethershewantedtocallPaul.Christieshookherhead,definite,bluntlytellingBlake
shehadhadnofurthercontactwithPaul.Blakekepttalking,makingsmalltalk,sensingChristieneededto
takehermindoffthecontractions,whichseemedintermittentbutincreasinginintensity.Hiseyes
narrowedasChristietensed,obviouslygrippedbyanothercontraction.Concerned,hemovedtowards
her,satontheedgeofthebed.

Hesaidhername;Christielookedacrossathim,hereyeshuge.“Takemyhandwhenthere’sa

contraction,”Blakesaidcalmly.“Putthepressureonmyhandifyouneedto.”Christiesaidnothing,but
henoticedsheseemedcalmer,notastenseduringthenextcontraction,keptherhandclosetohisalthough
shedidnottakeit.

Hewasstillsittingthere,makingtheoccasionalcomment,movingonlytohelpChristiegetmore

comfortable,whenBrendaandLisaburstin.Blakesawbothofthemhesitate,smiling.

“Christie,I’msosorry,I’mhopeless,Ineverremembertokeepmyphonewithme,italwaysgoes

flat,”Brendaspokequickly,apologetically.

Lisaspokejokinglyatthesametimeashermother.“Andsosheborrowsmine.Thebillalwaysgives

itaway.”

Brendakepttalking,ignoringLisa’scomment.“Thelandlinewasoffthehook,theworstpossible

timing…”

Brendamovedcloser,herwarmthandsupportobvious.Christiemademinimalresponses,hearing

Brendaonlydistantlyasshefocusedsolelyonthebaby.Christiefellsilentasastrongcontractionwashed
overher,herhandmovingtogripBlake’shandasshetriedtoconcentrate.Asthepainintensified,she
wasconsciousofBlakeremainingatherside,hissilent,calmpresencereassuringher.Shecouldhear
BrendaandLisatalkinginthedistance,Lisasayinggoodbye,headingofftowork.

Then,BlakeandBrendatalking.They’regettingonwell,Christiethought,muchbetter…Another

contractionlancedthroughher;sheinstantlyforgotherthought.Gasping,

Christietriedtogetcomfortable,stillholdingBlake’shandtightly,hearinghisvoice,hissupportive

tonecalmingher,joinedbyBrenda,herwarmtoneremindingChristieofherownmother.

Themidwifecamein,accompaniedbythedoctor.Beyondembarrassment,Christiedidnotrelease

Blake’shand,willinghimtostayasthesharppainwasreplacedbyadullache.Blakerealisedshehad
notreleasedhishand,frowned,wonderingifshewantedhimtostay,evenfortheexamination.Takinga
deepbreathheleaneddownclosertoher,offeredtostay,carefullyremindedChristiethatBrendacould
alsostay.

Christie’sgriponhishandonlybecametighter;Blake’sfacesetasherealisedherpainlevelwas

increasing.PuttingasidehisconcernaboutwhetherChristiewantedhimtostayornot,Blaketurnedtothe
doctor,themidwife,conciselycheckingprogress,askingaboutpainrelief.Hiseyesnarrowedashe
listenedtothedoctorsuggestoptions,realisedthesewerethesameoptionsChristiehaddiscussedwith
himearlier.

Recallingwhatshehadsaid,Blakecheckedhisunderstandingoftheepiduralprocedure,askedthe

doctorfurtherquestionsaboutthestrengthofthedosage,makinganinstantdecisionasheheardthe
doctor’sadvice.“Christiementionedthatasanoption,Iwantthatforher,”hesaid,histone
uncompromising.“Assoonaspossible.AndI’llstaywithherforit,”headded,lookingatBrenda.
Brendashookherheadslightly,signallingshewouldnotstay.Blakeshruggedasheheardthedoctortalk
aboutthehospitalpolicy,determinedtostaywithChristiethroughtheprocedure,whateverthedoctor
said.

ThroughthewavesofpainChristiecouldhearBlake’sstrongvoice,talkingtothedoctor,askingthe

questionsshewantedtoask,arrangingthepainreliefshelongedfor.Sherealisedthedoctorwas
preparingtoexamineher,thatanothercontractionwasbuilding.Incredulously,ChristieheardBlakeask
thedoctortowaituntilhercontractionhadeasedbeforestartingtheexamination.

“Ofcourse,”thedoctoragreedinstantly.WheredidBlakelearnthatone?Christiethought

hysterically,tryingtotakehermindoffthepain.“Christie,yourlabourisgoingwell.Abittoowell,your
baby’skeentoarrive.”Thedoctorwastalkingtoher;Christiemadeasoundofacknowledgment,tryingto
concentrateonwhatthedoctorwassayingasthedoctorexplainedtheepiduralprocedureagain,the
taperingdoseBlakehadwantedforher.

Christienodded,tryingtofindthewordstotellthedoctorBlakecouldmakedecisionsforher,

realisinghehadrememberedtheirearlierdiscussiondespitehisapparentlycasualapproach.Shetriedto
speak,onlymanaginganurgentwhisperthatthedoctorhadtoleandowntohear.

—#—

Theepiduralhadmadethepainrecede;Christielookedaround,notseeingBrenda,onlyhearing

Blake’svoiceashetalkedtothedoctor.Sheheardaringing,abuzzingsound,realiseditwashermobile
phone,reachedforitineffectively,feelingstrangelydetached.Blakewasathersideimmediately,picked
upthemobilefromthetopofthebedsidecabinet,handedittoher.

“Mum?”shesaid,hearinghermother’svoice,asuddenwaveoffearoverwhelmingherashermother

startedtoexplainherplanetoQueenstownwasdelayedbecauseoffog,calmlyemphasisingshewouldbe
thereassoonasshecould.“Ofcourse,Mum,”Christiereplied,notwantingtolethermotherknowhow
upsetshewas,makingahugeefforttotalknormally.“Noworries,I’llseeyousoon.”Hermotherwas
silentforamoment,thencasuallyaskedwhowaswithChristie.“Stillthefriendfrombefore,Mum,”
Christiereplied,wonderingwhyshewasaskingagain.

“Justputthemonforamoment,”hermotherinsisted.
“Noneed,Mum,I’mfine.Stillintheearlystagesanyway,”shelied,dullynoticingthequestioning

lookonBlake’sface.

“Christie,”hermothersaidfirmly.MaybeIshouldputherontoBlakeafterall,Christiethought,

hysteriawellingupagain.Theycanbothsaymynameinthesametone.Shewassavedthetroubleby
Blake,whogentlydisengagedthephonefromherhand,putittohisearwhilewalkingawayfromthebed.

Christiewatchedhimwalkaway,hereyessparking,heremotionsseesawingasshedealtwithher

disappointmentaboutthedelayofhermother’splane,herangeratBlaketakingover,interruptingthecall.
Thebaby,shethought.Ihavetofocusonthebaby.

Nowthatthepainhadeased,Christiestartedfeelingstrongerbutstillstrangelydetached,unableto

gaugethepassageoftime.Shetriedtorememberwhatthedoctorhadsaidaboutthetimeframe,thestage
shewasat.Thebabywillbebornsoon,shethought.Mybaby.Ourbaby.AnimageofPaulfloatedinto
hermind;sheblockeditout.Crowdingattheedgeofhermindwastheplanedelay;disappointmentand
fearwelledupinher.

Suddenly,Christiestartedtopanic,automaticallylookedaroundforBlake.Tearscametohereyesas

theenormityofhavingababyflashedintohermind.ShewasconsciousofBlakebackatherside.“I’ve
spokentoyourmum—”hepaused,“—andshe’shopingtoboardsoon.Anannouncementcameover
whileshewasonthephone.”HeexplainedhehadcalledQueenstownairport,confirmedthatthefogwas
predictedtoliftshortly,wouldcallagainforanupdate,arrangetohaveChristie’smothermetwhenshe
landed.

“Idon’twanttoworryher,”Christiesaidhesitantly.
“She’snot,”Blakespokedefinitely.“She’shadyou,sheunderstands.I’veexplainedyou’redoingwell

andhergrandchildwillprobablybewaitingheretowelcomeher.”Christiefellsilent;immediately,he
realisedshewasstrugglingemotionally.Hisheartclenched.“I’lljustsithereforamoment,”hesaid
casually,notdirectlyreferringtoheremotionalstate.Christiedidnotreply;hesensedherrelaxslightly.

Blakestayedclosetoher,continuedtomakeoccasionalcomments,notexpectingareply.Eventually,

hemovedtotheedgeofthebed,losingtrackoftimeashefocusedonsupportingChristie.Thedoctor
returned,examinedChristieagain.Blakerealisedthebabywouldbebornimminently,placedhishand
briefly,reassuringly,onChristie’sshoulder.Shelookedupathim;hewasstruckbythedeterminationin
hereyes.“Nearlythere,”Blakesaid,continuingtoencourageChristie,feelingstrangelyhelpless,knowing
thatsheprobablyhadnotheardhim,sofiercewasherconcentration.

Tearsofjoy,ofrelief,rushedtoChristie’seyesassheheardthedoctor’sannouncement,sawthe

newbornbabythedoctorwasholding,watchingthefeaturesofthebaby’sface,theminute,perfecthands,
thechubbylegskickingasthebabygaveacry,tookseveralhiccupingbreaths.

ChapterFifteen

“Agirl,”Christierepeatedthedoctor’swords,herheartfillingassherealisedshehadadaughter,

listeningasthemedicalstaffbrieflycheckedthebaby,placedheronChristie’sstomach.Shelookeddown
atherdaughter,overcomebytherealityofseeingherbaby,knowingshehadgivenbirth.

“Congratulations,Christie.”ShedistantlyheardBlake’swords,stillcaughtupinlookingatherbaby,

entranced,reachingtostrokethetinycheekwithherfingers.Christie’smouthcurvedintoasmileasshe
heardtheindignantwailingofherchild,watchedhertinyarmsandhandsmove,sawtheumbilicalcord
stillpulsingasthedoctorwaitedfortheplacentatoemerge.ThedoctoraskedChristiewhethershe
wantedherbabytostaywithherfornow,mentionedfurtherchecks,bathingthebaby.

Stillinahazeofdelight,Christiestartedtospeak,reluctanttoleavethebaby.SheheardBlake’svoice

joininghers,smiledfaintlytoherselfassheheardBlake’sbarrageofpracticalquestions,apangofregret
goingthroughherasshethoughtofthesymbolismofthebaby’sumbilicalcordbeingcut.Lotsofbabies
havetheircordcutbythedoctor,Christiereasonedsilently.AndIcanhardlyaskBlaketodosomething
likethat…ShestruggledforcomposureasshemomentarilythoughtofPaul,ofhiscompletelackof
supportorinterest.

“Christie,whatisit?”Thedoctormovedtowardsher.
“Canyoucutthecordassoonaspossible?”Christiemuttered,notwantingtotortureherselfwith

imagesofBlake,ofPaul,ofwhatmighthavebeen.

Thedoctorlookedatherperceptively,turnedtoBlake.“Ijustneedtodoafewchecks,couldyouwait

outsideforamoment,please.Theywon’ttakelong.”

Blakehesitated,thinkingbacktothebookshehadread.Seeinganimalsbeingbornasachildhadnot

preparedhimfortheemotionalonslaughtofseeingChristiegivebirth;hewantedtostaywithherto
ensureshewasthoroughlymonitoredforcomplications,concernedbythegruellinglabourandbirth
process.Hecouldtellthedoctorhadbeensurprisedbyhispreviousquestionsabouttheplacenta,his
detailedquestionsaboutChristie’scondition,herrecovery.

Blakeshruggedtohimself,knowinghisfirstpriorityhadtobeChristie.Andherbaby,alert,healthy

despitehertinyfeatures,partofChristie.Hehadlistenedasthedoctorcheckedthebaby’sresponses,
completedbasicchecks,halfhopingChristiewouldlethimholdtheinfant,knowingitwasunrealistic,
wantingnonethelesstospendtimewithababythatwassostrangelycaptivating.

“Ofcourse,”hesaidnow.“ButisChristieallright?Because—”
Thedoctorquicklyreassuredhim,watchedashelefttheroom,lookedbackatChristie,hereyebrows

raisedslightly.“There’snorealhurry,Christie.Infact,it’sprobablyagoodideaforsomeofthecord
bloodtotransfertoIsla.Andofcoursenowyouhaveasupportpersonhere,youroriginalplancould
change.Sometimes,aswediscussedwhenwefirstwentthroughyourbirthplan,thesupportpersoncould
cutthecord.IsthatsomethingyouandBlakehavetalkedabout?Ijustneedtobrieflyrecordsomenotes,
sohaveathinkaboutwhatyouwant.”

AthinkaboutwhatIwant,Christiethoughtwithatouchofblackhumour.Don’tworry,Ihavebeen.

SheremainedmuteasthedoctorreplacedChristie’snotes,turnedbacktowardsher.“Whatcheckswere
youreferringto?”Christieasked,moretoavoidtherealissue.

Thedoctorshrugged,gaveChristieasuddensmile.“Checkingwhoyouwanttocutthecord.Ifit’sme,

fine,butIjustthoughtIshoulddoublecheck.Ratherthanyouhaveregrets.”

Christiechokedbackabitterlaugh.Regrets…“Iwantmybabytohavewhatotherbabieshave,”she

said,suddenlysickofhidingherfeelings.“Alltheliteratureharpsonaboutthefathercuttingthecord.
Andherfather’snothere,couldn’tcarelessabouther.Itjustseemseasierforyoutocutit,really.”

ThedoctorwatchedChristieforamoment.“PerhapswithBlake’shelp?”Christienodded,blushing

slightly;thedoctorgrinned,askinganursetotellBlakehecouldcomebackin.

“Everything’sfine,”thedoctorsaidasBlakecamebackintotheroom,movedstraighttoChristie’s

side,hiseyesintentonherface,glancingoveratthebaby,hisgazequestioning.Christiemanagedasmile,
surethatBlakecouldseerightthroughheremotionsjustasthedoctorhaddone,wouldonlycutthecord
tohumourher.Again,Christiethoughtofthesignificanceoftheritual,tryingtothinkwhethershehaddone
therightthing,knowingsheshouldhavesimplyconfirmedthedoctorshoulddoitratherthanactoutwhat
atbestseemedafantasy.

“Christie,Ithinkit’sabouttimetocuttheumbilicalcord.Blake,couldyoujustholdthesescissorsfor

amoment?”Stunned,Blakeheardthedoctorcontinuetogivehiminstructionsassheclampedthe
umbilicalcord.ThedoctormustthinkI’mChristie’spartner,thebaby’sfather…Hismindflashedback
tothehospitalvisithehadattendedwithChristiemonthsago,knowingthatagainthisdoctorwastryingto
includehim,despiteChristie’sstrangecommentaboutcuttingthecordassoonaspossible.Hisheart
lurched.IknowIshouldsaysomething,butIjust…

BlakeglancedatChristie,couldnotreadherexpression,attemptedtofindajokingcommentashe

triedtodisguisehowhewasfeeling.Instead,hefellsilent,hesitating,theemotionunfamiliarinhim,
followingthedoctor’sinstructionsprecisely,watchingasthedoctorcarefullyplacedadifferentclampon
theendofthecordafterhehadcutit.HelookedoveratChristiequicklyasheheardhermurmuredthank
you,realisedthatinsteadoftalkingtohimChristiewasthankingthenursewhowasdryingthebaby.Now
thesamenursewashandinghimablanket,obviouslyassuminghewouldwanttotucktheblanketaround
theinfant.

Suddenlyawarehehadneverheldababybefore,Blaketookadeepbreath,layingtheblanketoverthe

baby,tryingtofocusontuckingthewarmsquarearoundthesquirmingbody.Thenursesmiled,reached
downtodiscreetlyassist,thengavethebabytoBlake,clearlyintendingthatBlakeshouldhandherto
Christie.AcutelyawareofChristie’ssilence,hisheartpounding,Blakehandedthebabyquicklyto
Christie.Hewassuddenlynervous,allthewhilewaitingforChristietocontradictthenurse,become
upsetatthefacthehadbrieflyheldthebaby,letaloneassistedthedoctortocutthecord.

Christietookherdaughter,focusingonthebaby’sfacetohideherdisappointmentatBlake’sabrupt

handover,hisobviousreluctancetoholdthebabyortomakeanycommentonthefacthehadcutthecord.
Doesn’therealisehowsignificantthatis,shethought,disappointedshehadfoolishlyconfidedinthe
doctor,wishingnowshehadsimplyaskedthedoctortocompleteit.Christieknewshecouldexpect
nothingmore,butwasmiserableasthesecrethopethathadcarriedherthroughlabourwitheredanddied.

—#—

Blakelistened,triedtomakesenseofwhatthedoctorwassaying.RealisingChristiewasbecoming

distressed,hetookadeepbreath,spokecalmly.“Christie,don’tworryifyoucan’tfeedhernow.Just
rest,tryagainlater.”

“Iwanttofeedher,”Christiesaiddesperately,realisingwithasinkingfeelingthatthedoctor’s

assessmentatherearliercheck-upshadbeencorrect.ThedoctorlookedatBlake,gesturingforhimto
movecloser.Hesteppedforwardreluctantly,stilldeeplyaffectedbywatchingChristiegivebirth,seeing
herholdthesmallinfant.

“Idon’tthinkthatwillbepossible,Christie,”thedoctorsaidgently.“Rememberwetalkedaboutthis

atyourcheck-ups,thatwithyourmedicalhistorymilkproductionmightbeaproblemforyou.You’llneed
togiveyourdaughterformula.”

Isthatall?Blakethoughtwithrelief,unabletounderstandwhyChristiewassoupset,realisingagain

shehadkeptprivatesomethingsosignificanttoher.“Iwantedtobeaperfectmother,”Christiesaid,tears
spillingoverassherealisedthetruthofthedoctor’swords.Blakeclosedhiseyes,tryingtothink,not
wantingtoleaveherbuttryingtofindasolution.

“Christie,fornow,let’sjustseehowyougo.I’lljustheadout,talkwiththedoctor.”
LeavingChristiewiththemidwife,Blakelefttheroom,waitedforthedoctortocomeoutintothehall.

“Whataretheimplications?”heaskedtersely.Helistenedasthedoctorgavehimadetailedexplanation
ofthecurrentresearch,theguidelinespromotingtheworthofbreastfeeding.“ButIwasraisedon
formula,”hesaidabruptly.

Thedoctorsmiled.“Alotofbabiesare.ButtheNewZealandhealthsystemisverysupportiveof

breastfeeding.I’llspeaktothenurses,ensuretheyareawareofthesituationanddon’tupsether.Butit’s
clearlyadisappointmenttoher,alotofmothersfeelinadequateiftheycan’tbreastfeed.”

“Isthisadefinitething?”Blakeasked,wonderingaboutChristie’smedicalhistory,knowinghe

couldn’taskwithoutbetrayingthefacthedidn’tknow.“Thelackofmilk,Imean.”Thedoctornodded.

“Canwe…”Blakepaused,realisingwhathehadsaid.“Isasecondopinionavailable,aspecialist?”
Thedoctorsmiledunderstandingly.“I’maspecialist,withaninterestinlactation,”shesaid.“ButIcan

easilyarrangeforasecondopinionfromoneofmycolleagues.Andyoucantalktothemidwifeabout
formula.”

Blakethankedthedoctor,askedhertoarrangethatandalsoaskedaboutChristiebeingtransferredtoa

privateroomsoshecouldrest.Helookedathiswatch,wasshockedtoseeitwasearlyafternoon,
realisedChristie’smotherwouldbearrivinginacoupleofhours.Brendahadleftearlier,clearly
emotionalandsubdued;luckily,Christiehadnotyetaskedwhereshewas.Thiscouldbeanidealchance
toexplainthingstoChristie,Blakethoughtsavagely.Hecursedhimselfashebracedtoreturnto
Christie,tryingtoplanaheadonherbehalf.

—#—

Eventually,themidwifesuggestedhelpingChristiehaveashower;sheagreedquietly,stillconscious

ofBlake’spresence.Themidwife’ssuggestiononlyemphasisedtoChristiethephysicalrealityofthe
birthprocess,thatBlakehadbeenpresentforabirththatleftlittletotheimagination.Christiewasalso
reluctanttoleaveherdaughter,evenasshetoldherselfthefurtherchecksandbathwerenecessaryforthe
baby,wouldberelativelybrief.Shelookedaround,wishingBlakewouldstaywiththeinfant,knowing
thiswouldbeunlikelygivenhisattitude.

Holdingherbreath,ChristieheardthedoctorsuggestingBlakecomethroughtoseethechecks,even

helpwiththebaby’sbath.BlakeglancedatChristie,unnervedathersuddendistanceevenashetold
himselfhertotalfocusonthebabywasunderstandable.“Yes,”hesaidtothedoctor,feelinghiswayinthe
faceofChristie’sabsolutesilence,herlackofanycommentaboutwhatshemightwanthimtodo.“But
firstI’lljusthelpChristiethroughtotheshower,staywithherincasesheneeds—”

“No.”Christiepanicked,humiliatedatthethoughtofBlakeassistinghertoshowerontopofeverything

hehadalreadyseen,beeninvolvedwith,evenasshedesperatelywantedhisreassuringstrengthtolean
on.Fleetingly,shewonderedwhereBrendawas.Brenda’stall,shethoughtsuddenly.Tallerthanme,
even.Shecouldeasilyhelpmetotheshower.

Blaketensed,realisingthatChristiewasonedgeforsomereason,didnotwanthimaround.Hesaw

thedoctorcalmlycomeovertoChristie,smileather,atthebaby.“Christie,itmightbeagoodideaif
Blakehelpsyouthroughtotheshower.You’vehadanepidural,afterall,andthatwillhavebarelyworn
off,evenwiththetapereddose.He’sprobablybettertoleanon.”Thedoctorsmiledatthemidwife,who
wasbarelyofaverageheight,farshorterthanChristie.“Andofcourseyou’llstillhaveyourprivacyin
theshower.There’sahandrail,andthemidwifewillstayaround.ThenBlakecanstaywithyourdaughter
whileyou’rehavingashower.”

Christienoddedsilently,guiltilyawarethedoctorhadsuggestedexactlywhatChristiewantedto

happen,herownpracticalcommonsensereassertingitself.Atthispoint,Blakewashardlygoingtocare

whathesawofChristieandifherbabyhadanyone—evensomeoneasdisinterestedasBlake—withher
whileshewashavingherchecksandbath,well,thatwasmorethanshe’dhaveotherwise.

Christiewassilentasshehandedherdaughtertoanurse,awkwardlytriedtomoveoffthebed,pulling

thehospitalgownaroundher.Asifthatmattersnowshethought,fightingtheirrationalurgetolaughat
herownbelatedmodesty.ShecaughtherbreathasBlakegentlyliftedherfullyoffthebed,heldherinhis
arms,abouttocarryherthroughtotheshower.“Icanwalk,”Christiesaid,anunintentionaledgetoher
voiceasshetriedtoremaincalm,hermindclamouringtoremindheroftheprevioustimesBlakehad
carriedher.

KnowingChristie’sfiercestreakofindependence,knowingshedidnotwanthishelp,Blakedebated

continuingtocarryherorputtingherdown;heknewheshouldputherdown.Carefully,helowered
Christietoherfeet,keepingasupportingarmaroundherback,stayingnexttoher.“Youneedtoholdon,
Christie.”ShecaughtherbreathasBlakerepeatedhislongagowordsfromtheferry,knowingthatifshe
saidanything,madeanycomment,shewouldbeundone,losecontrol.

ChristieremainedsilentasBlakewalkedslowlywithherovertotheshower,easilysupportingher

weightasshestumbledslightly,sloweddown.Hekeptonestrongarmaroundherwhentheyreachedthe
shower,pulledtheshowercurtainopen,spuntheshowerdial,testedthetemperature.

“Right,”Blakesaid,determinednottobetrayhowexcludedhewasfeelingatthewayChristiehad

suddenlyshuthimout.“That’stheshowersorted.You’llberightwiththatgown,won’tyou?Andstanding
intheshower?LikeIsaid,remembertoholdthehandrail.”HesmiledbrieflyatChristie,atthemidwife,
unawarethatChristiewatchedhimashewalkedaway,onlysheddinghergownandsteppingintothe
showeratthemidwife’sprompting.

—#—

Christiewatchedherdaughter,theminute,expressiveface,thelonglashes,thechubbycheeksand

squashed-lookingnose.Occasionally,thebaby’seyeswouldflutteropen,fixingChristiewitha
surprisinglysteadygazeastheminiature,doll-likefingersreflexivelyclutchedtheedgeofthehospital
blanket.

ChristierememberedhearingBlake’svoiceasheaskedfortheepidural,thewayhehadstayedwith

her,aconstantreassuringpresence,evenduringtheinitialstingingpainoftheepiduralprocedurewhen
thedoctorcarefullyplacedtheneedleinherlowerback.Untiltheepidural,thelabourhadbeenahazeof
pain,avoid.Shehadhadnoideahowmuchtimehadpassed,onlyawareofbandsofpainmovingdown
herbody.

Frowning,Christietriedtoremembersomethingattheedgeofhermind.Thehospitalpolicythe

doctorhadtalkedabout…herbirthplan…Hermindrefusedtoclear.I’llneverbeembarrassedagain,
shethought,blushingslightlyasshethoughtbackoverthebirth.I’mnoteventhinkingofPaul,she
realised,wonderingwhy,atthesametimefilledwithastrangekindofrelief.IwonderwhereBrendais,
shethoughtsuddenly,hermindsharpeningasshebecamemorealert.

Christie’sfacefellasshethoughtofherinabilitytobreastfeed,tryingtoacceptitasareality.She

trembledasheremotionssuddenlyplummeted,rememberingherdesperation,herlossofcontrolinfront
ofBlakeafterthebirth.Panichitherasshethoughtofthereadingshehaddoneafteranearliercheckup
whenthedoctorhadindicatedformulawouldalmostcertainlybenecessary.

Unwillingtoacceptwhatthedoctorhadsaid,shehadheldouthopemilkwouldsuddenlyappear,

refusedtoactivelyplan,instarkcontrasttoherusualcommonsense.Christielookedagainather
daughter,thrilledtofinallyseeher,tryingtoputthingsinperspective.Formulawilljusthavetobe
enough,shethought,clampingdownonherdeepdisappointment,herfeelingoffailure.

—#—

BlakecameinshortlyafterChristiewastransferredtoasmallward;theotherbedswereempty.

Christiesmiledathim,determinedtotreathimasafrienddespitethedevastatingargumentathiscottage
andhisinitialreluctancetostaywithheratthehospital.Shetookadeepbreath,makingasupremeeffort
tospeakcasually.

“Blake,thankyousomuchforstaying,”Christiebegan.“I’mjustsothrilledshe’shealthy,thatit’sall

over.Definitelyascenefromthefarm.”Hestoppedwherehewasabruptly,literallystunnedatthechange
inChristie’smanner,herpolitewordsandrelaxedreferencetothefarm.

Blake’seyesnarrowed,assessingheractualmoodcontrastedwiththefrontheknewshewasalmost

certainlyputtingon.Sayingnothing,hemovedovertolookatthebaby,noticingshewasawake.Hereyes
flutteredopenbriefly;Blaketensedashesawminiatureblueeyesmoving,unfocused,seemingtolookat
him,aroundtheroom.Christie’seyes.

“Whatareyoucallingher?”Blakeasked,clearinghisthroattodisguisehisemotion,noticingthe

baby’shandmovinguptoherface,theminutefingersbrushingherchubbycheek.Christieblushed,still
determinedtostaywithheroriginalchoice.

“Isla,”shesaid,realisingtheironyofBlakebeingthefirstpersonshetold,seeingBlake’simpassive

expression.Hehasn’tguessed,shethought,relieved.

Shaken,Blakeretreatedtoachair,tryingtofocusonsortingoutpracticalissues,almostcertain

Christiewasmoreupsetthanshewaslettingon.“Didyouhavemuchofatalkwiththemidwifeabout—”
hehesitated,“—feedingIsla?”Instantly,henoticedChristie’sdefensiveness.

“I’llbefine,”shesaid.“Noworries.”Blakebracedhimselffortheinevitablereactionashespoke,

makingasuggestion.“What’sthat?”Christieaskedsuspiciously.

“Amilksupplementforlambs.Daduseditallthetimeonthefarm.”Christie’smouthtrembled.“I

reallydon’tseeitasamajorproblem,Christie.Formula,breastfeeding,eitherway,Islawillbefine.”
Blake’svoicewasflippant,casual.

“Youdon’tunderstand,”Christiesaid,hervoiceshaking,hurtbyhiswords,uncomfortablywondering

ifhehaddeliberatelyprovokedherintoareaction.

“No,Idon’t,”Blakesaidcalmly.“Soexplainittomeandwe’llsortitout.”Christieburstintotears,

losinghercomposureinthefaceofhismatter-of-factsuggestion.

Blakemovedtositontheendofthebed,maskinghisconcern,knowingheneededtoremainneutral,

detached.Hewaited,realisingChristiewasbecomingcalmer.“Tellme,”hesaidbluntly.

“Iwantedtofeedhermyself,”shesaidhaltingly.“Ihoped…”Shebrokeoff.“Ijustwanttodo

everythingthebestwayIcan,beagoodmother.It’sdisappointing,notbeingabletogiveIslathebest
thingforher,bondwithher,”Christiefinishedmiserably.

“Whythehellcan’tyoubondwithIsla?”Blakeaskedbeforehecouldstophimself,hispracticalmind

unabletoacceptChristie’ssweepingstatements.“She’syourdaughter.Thewayshe’sfeddoesn’tchange
that.”Uncomfortably,hethoughtofhisownmother.

Christieshrugged.“BecauseeverythingI’vereadsaysbreastfeedinghelpswithbonding.Ihopedthe

milkwouldstart…”Hervoicetrailedoff;sheglancedatIsla.Blake’seyesnarrowedashewatched
Christie.Decidingtotreadcarefully,hetoldChristieaboutthesecondopinionhehadarranged,hoping
shewouldconfideinhim.“Thatwouldbegreat,”shereplied,asparkofinterestinhereyes.“But,Blake,
Idon’tthinkIcanchangeit.”

“Maybenot,”hesaid,stillchoosinghiswords,regrettinghisearlieroutburst.“Butnoharmingetting

anotheropinionanyway.”Christienoddedsilently,feelingcalmeratBlake’ssuggestion,oneshehadbeen
tooupsettothinkofherself.Hecontinuedtalking,casuallymentioningthemidwifewasgoingtocallin
soon,wouldhavesomesuggestionsaboutformula.“Soyoucantalktothisotherdoctor,andifyoustill

needformula,thenyoucantalktothemidwife,sortoutthebestoneforIsla.”Blake’ssimple,practical
suggestionmadeChristierelaxmore,starttothinkahead.“OrI’llgetDadtobringinsomesupplement
fromthefarm,”headdedteasinglyashestooduptolookagainatIsla.

Christiesmiled,suddenlyrecognisinghisfriendlyattempttocheerherupwasgenuine,anothereffort

tomakeherrealisethataninabilitytoprovidemilkhappenedthroughoutnature;shewasnotthefirst
mothertogiveherbabyformulathroughnecessity.

ThecolleagueofChristie’sdoctorwastactfulbutdefinite,emphasisedtherangeofreputableformulas

available.Christiewassilent.“Whataboutbonding?Howisthataffected?”Blakeaskedbluntly,unable
tostopthinkingofChristie’sdistress.Thedoctorlookedathim,clearlyincredulousatBlakeaskingsuch
aquestion.Blakeregisteredtheotherman’slook;hisfacesetwithdetermination,wantingananswer.

ChristielookedatBlake,herheartlurching,recognisingtheefforthewasmakingtoaddressher

concernsdespitehismasculineviewshewasoverreacting.Ishouldbeaskingthesemyself,shethought,
suddenlyangrywithherself.Blake’sorganisedasecondopinionandallIcandoissitheresilently.
Suddenly,Christiefeltaburstofsureness,confidence.Ineedtosortthisout,forIsla’ssake,notleave
everythingtoBlake.

Shesmiledslightlyatthedoctor.“That’sreallymyquestion,”shesaid.“EverythingI’vereadtalks

aboutthemother-childbondbeinghelpedbybreastfeeding.I’mworriedI’d…we’dmissoutonthat.”
Blakesatback,relieved.

ThedoctoremphasisedChristiecouldstillholdIsla,connectwithher,talktoherwhilebottlefeeding.

“AndyourpartnercanstillbringIslatoyou,helpyoubottlefeedeven.”

Christieheldherselfstill,notdaringtolookatBlake.“Infact,”continuedthedoctor,“thismaynotbe

therightexamplebutyoucouldalmostcompareittoachildonafarm,givingmilktoapetlamb.Of
courseabondforms.Betweenbothofthem.”

Christieburstoutlaughing,asmuchastoreleasethetensionshefeltasatthedoctor’scoincidental

example.ShecouldhearBlakelaughingaswell,glancedathim,meetinghiseyes.“ToldyouIwasright,”
Blakesaidwhenthedoctorhadleft,relievedtoseethegenuinechangeinChristie.Hetriedtomakea
joke,gesturedtoherhospitalbag.“Ifyourpackwasanythingtogoby,Ibetyou’vegoteverythingIsla
wouldevenremotelyneedforbottlefeedinginthere.”

Christie’sfacefellassheheardBlake’swords,unabletolookathim.Ididn’twantittobetrue…I

didn’tplan…Idon’thavewhatmybabyneeds.“Actually,no,”shereplied,tryingtobematter-of-fact,
ignoredthematernalguiltcoursingthroughher.“ButI’llspeaktothemidwife,andorganisesomething.”
AndwhatwillIorganise,exactly,shewonderedbitterly,interpretingBlake’ssilenceasdisapprovalat
herfailuretoplan.

Justthenthemidwifearrived;BlakesaidnothingasChristieaskedquestions,fightingdownherguilt,

determinedtotakethingsonestepatatime.I’llchooseaformula,maybethehospitalhassome,abottle
Icanuse…mymothercangooutlater…Takingadeepbreath,shestartedtoaskthemidwifeabout
whethertherewasanyformulaavailablethroughthehospital,heardBlakeinterrupt.

“I’llgooutandgetsome,thesupermarket’sjustdowntheroad.Islawillneedfeedingsoon,won’t

she?”Themidwifenodded,saidshewouldcomebackinaroundanhourtogothroughthingswith
Christie.Christiecolouredwithembarrassmentasthemidwifeleft,wasstiltedasshethankedBlakefor
hisoffer.

Heshrugged,knowingherlackofplanningwasanindicationofhowshehadfelt.“It’snoproblem,

Christie.Whatformuladoyouwant?”Asuddenthoughthithim.“Haveyouincludeditinyourbudget?”
Hereyesbecameshadowed;heguessedtheanswer.

Christietookadeepbreath.“I’vestillgotsomesavingsanyway,”shesaidquickly.“Itwillbemore

expensivebutreally,it’stheoneessential,isn’tit?”Shekepthereyesfixedon

Isla.“IwanttogetIslatheformulathemidwiferecommendedforher.”

Blakenodded.“Whataboutthatotheroneshementioned?”Hetriedtorememberthename,realised

howdistractedhehadbeenthinkingofthosebrightblueeyes,thelongdarklashes.Bothpairsofthem,he
addedsilently.

“Apparently,it’scheaper,”Christiesaid,falteringslightly.“Withslightlydifferentingredients.The

midwifethoughttheotheronewouldbebettertotryfirst.AndIdon’twanttocompromiseonsomething
asimportantasformula.”

Blake’sfaceset;henoddedinagreement.“Probablybesttofollowthemidwife’srecommendationfor

now,seehowitgoes.”Hestoodup,stretched.Christieavertedhereyes.Ishouldbethinkingtotallyof
Isla,nottorturingmyselfwithwhatmighthavebeen…

“I’llheadoffthen,”Blakesaid,moretotheroomatlargethantoChristie,leavingtheroomabruptly,

surprisingher.Shruggingtoherself,Christiesettledbackonthebed,hermindplayingovertheday,
lookingagainandagainatIsla,fascinated.

—#—

Christielookedupasshesawmovementatthedooroftheward.Stunned,shesawbothhermotherand

fatherwalkingtowardsher,startedcryingwithhappiness.Shereachedforhermotherasherfatherpatted
Christie’sarm,huggedheralso,hissmilewide,loving,assheexclaimedatseeinghim.“Asurprisefor
you,darling,”hermothersaid.“Wecouldn’timaginenotbeinghere.”ShesmiledatChristie.“Andso.Do
wehavea—”

“It’sagirl,”Christieburstout,allthreeofthemtalkingatonceassheshowedthemIsla,watchedher

beingheldbyhergrandparents.

Fortyminuteslater,Christiewasstilltalking,buoyedbyhermother’scalmpracticality,herfather’s

obviousdelightinIsla,inseeingChristie.ShewastellingbothofherparentsabouthavingtogiveIsla
formulawhenBlakewalkedbackintotheroom,strangelyhesitant.Christie’seyesnarrowedasshe
introducedherparents,watchedBlakemakepoliteconversation.“ThankyouforhelpingChristiethrough
today,”hermothersaidwarmlytoBlake,claspinghisarm,smilingathim.Christie’sfatherechoedhis
wife’sthanks,shakingBlake’shand.

“Iwouldhavedonethesameforanyone,”Blakesaidpolitely.Christie’smothercontinuedtalking,

obviouslytakenabackbyBlake,assumingChristiehadplannedforhimtobeatthebirth.

Christiequicklycorrectedhermother,humiliatedbyBlake’simpersonalreply,emphasisingtoher

mothershehadpressedthewrongnameonherlistofsavednumbers,mentioningBlake’sheavywork
schedule,theinconvenienceshehadcaused.Listeningtoher,Blakedeliberatelyremainedsilent,hurtby
herdismissivecomments.Sensingtheundercurrentsbetweenthemhermotherhastenedtochangethe
subject.“Christie,ifIslaneedsformula,shouldIgooutandgetsome?Whatdoyouneed?”

“Allsorted,”Blakesaid,holdingouttwobagstoChristiewhoimmediatelyreachedforherwallet,

askinghowmuchsheowedhim.Heshrugged,smiling,rememberinghisearlierdeterminationtosupport
herthroughthis,nomatterwhat.“Let’sjustgetIslaorganised,dealwithallthatlater.”

Christiefrowned,suddenlyrememberingBlake’sresponsetoherquestioninDunedinaboutgold

diggers.“Idefinitelydowanttopayfortheformula,Blake.”

“Iknowyoudo,”hesaid.“Butlater.”HeglancedatIsla,fellsilent.
“Blake…look,Christie,whatagreatidea!”Hermother’senthusiasmdistractedChristie,sheturnedto

seewhathermotherwaslookingat.Suddenlynervous,Christiereachedtopickupthetwodifferent
packages,immediatelydrawntothebiggerbox,witharounded,domeshapedplasticbottle.Theother
boxheldamorecompact,traditionalbottle.ChristieglancedatBlake,realisinghehadboughttwo
differentbottlesandsomesterilisingsolutionaswellastwobigtinsoftheformulashehadwanted.

“Thankyousomuch,Blake,”Christiesaidsoftly,ashamedshehadnotemphasisedhisvastsupport

overthedaytoherparents.“But—”

Hesteppedtowardsher,gesturedtotheboxshewasholding.“Iwenttothechemisttolookaround,”

hesaid.“Ihadn’tseenabottlelikethatbefore,Ithoughtitmighthelp—”hehesitated,consciousof
Christie’sparents,“—withwhattheotherdoctormentionedthismorning.”HenoticedChristiestill
seemeduncertain,hesitant.

“Christie,justtryituntilyoufigureoutwhatsuitsIslabest.Ifshelikesit,fine.I’llswaptheotherone

foraspare.Ifnot,we—youcanjusttrytheotherone.Butit’sworthashot,anyway.”

“Whatotherdoctor,Christie?Wasthereaproblemthismorningforyou?OrIsla?”Hearingtheconcern

inhermother’svoice,ChristieexplainedvaguelythatBlakehadarrangedforhertogetasecondopinion
aboutfeeding,notwantingtoworryhermother,tellherhowupsetshehadbeen.

Blake’seyesnarrowedasheheardChristieavoidhermother’sconcern,lookedaroundasthemidwife

arrived.Ifhewerehonestwithhimself,heknewthathehadhopedtostayatthismeetingwithChristie,
seeIslabeingfedfromthebottlehehadchosen,beinvolved.

HethoughtbacktothebriefholdthenursehadsuggestedimmediatelyafterIsla’sbirth,thewaythe

doctorhadallowedhimtohelpcutthecord,probablyjustassuminghewasthebaby’sfather.An
assumptionIdidn’tcorrect,Blakethought,guiltminglingwithamazementashethoughtbacktothe
emotionthathadcoursedthroughhimasheliftedafullyseparateIslaupintohisarms.

Thesamedoctorhadmadearealeffortatthelatercheckstoincludehim,answerhisquestions,

allowedhimtowrapIslainasoftblanketafterherbath.BlakerememberedthenursesmilingasIsla’s
smallfootescapedfromthefabric,patientlyexplainingtohimthebestwaytoholdIsla,howtosupport
herneckandhead.ThatonlyhappenedbecauseChristiewasn’ttheretocontradictthem,herealised.
AnditwasthedoctorwhosuggestedIbeatthosechecks.NowBlakehungback,sayingnothing,rapidly
realisinghecouldhardlyjustifystayingwhenChristie’sparentshadnowarrivedandsheherselfhad
madenosuggestionthatheshouldstay,noofferforhimtoholdIsla.

Toolate,herealisedthiswasthemidwifewhothoughthewasChristie’spartner,whohehadactively

encouragedtothinkso,tofindoutinformationtohelpChristie.Nowthemidwifewasobviously
expectinghimtoassistChristie,participateinlearningIsla’sroutine.Blakesmiledatthemidwife,taking
refugeinhisusualcharm.“Justthesupportperson,”hesaid,hisheartachingsavagely.“Ineedtoget
going,I’llleaveyoutoit.”

HesawtheflashofemotiononChristie’sfaceassheheldIsla;inanyothercircumstancehewould

haveswornitwashurt.HeglancedatIsla,noticingherblueeyes,mirroringChristie’ssoexactly,asher
brandnewgazewanderedaroundtheroom,againseemingtolookrightathim.

“Ofcourse,”Christiesaidsoftly,quietlydevastated,hearingBlake’spolitegoodbyestoherparents.

ShehadsecretlyhopedBlakewouldstay,spendmoretimewiththemboth.Getreal,shethoughtharshly.
Aftermylossofcontrolthismorning,aftereverything…Notknowingwhatelsetodo,Christielooked
downatIsla,focusingsolelyonherchildasBlakelefttheroom.

—#—

Blakedrovehome,therichlateautumnsceneryablurasheparkedthecaroutsidethecottage.He

walkedinside,wanderingaround,unabletosettletoanything,pickingupyesterday’snewspaper,a
magazine,turningthestereoonthenoffagainaseventhatactionremindedhimofChristie.Itwasalready
lateafternoon;eventually,hemadeacursoryphonecalltoBrenda,thenspokewithLisa.I’mjust
avoidingthis,hethoughtbitterly,thinkingagainofChristie,ofIsla.Hewentouttohisworkshop,thinking
hewouldtryanddistracthimselfwithapracticaltask.

Amistake,Blakethoughtharshly,slammingdownhisbeveltool.Comingoutherewashardlygoingto

distractmefromanything.Heswore,turningonhisheel,returningtothecottage,snatchinguphiscar
keysfromthebench.Hestartedthecarabruptly,almostfloodingtheengineinhishaste.Outofhabit,he
glancedatthesignmarkingtheupcomingturnoffashedrovepast,hisheartpounding.Withoutstoppingto
think,Blakeindicatedatthelastsecond,turnedthewheeltodriveintoArrowtown,pulledintothefirst
emptycarparkhesaw.

BlakewalkedpurposefullyalongtheArrowRivertrack;drinkinginthevibrantautumncolours,

rememberinghiswalkwithhisfamily—andChristie—onhismother’sbirthday.Rememberingsomuch
more,hismotherbringinghimheresoregularlyasasmallchild;howithadalwaysbeentheirspecial
place.Howshehadwatchedhimpracticeswimminghereinthesummer,laughedwithhimashefeltthe
freezingtemperatureofthewaterinthewinter,ranbacktohertodryhishands,togethelptoputhissmall
glovesbackon,beswoopedupintoherarms.

Herememberedlearningaboutthechangingoftheseasonswiththerichbronzeandcoppershadesof

thefallingleaves,beingtaughtaboutlocalhistoryasshehelpedhimpanforgold.Theexciteddrive
home,runningwithdeterminedsmallstridesouttohisfatheronthefarmtoshowhimthetinygranulesof
goldhehadfound.

Andthenthetimeshisfatherhadjoinedthem;Blakerememberedbeingswungbetweenhisparentsas

theywalkedalongthetrack,eachofthemholdingoneofhishandsashelaughedwithdelight,demanded
tobeswunghigher.Piggybacksfromhisfather;hisfather’spraiseofBlake’sswimmingability,howhe
hadhelpedRebeccaasshetoddledintotheshallows,theproudbigbrother,bothofthemunderthe
constantsupervisionoftheirparents.Familyoutingsfinishingwithanicecreaminthesummer,reluctantly
sharedwithRebeccainherpushchair,orevenasmallservingofhotchipsbythepubfireplaceinthe
winter.Herememberedhisfather’slaughterasBlakescreweduphisfacewithdistasteafteronce
sneakingasipofbeerfromhisfather’spint.

ThenwalkingasafamilytotheghosttownofMacetowntocamp;thedarkgreenhills;therelicsof

golddigging,excitedlyaskinghisparentsquestions,carryinghisownsmallpackforthefirsttime,turning
towaitforRebeccatocatchup,hisexceptionalheightandherpetitestaturealreadyforecast.Nowhe
lookedahead,sawtherivercrossingandthestartofthetrackthatheknewleduptoMacetown.
Memoriestuggedathim.Andthenhebecameateenager,andthen…

Eventually,Blakebecameconsciousofthechillyautumntemperature;withafinallooktowardsthe

riverheturnedaround,retracinghisstepstothecar.Thirtyminuteslaterhewasclimbingoutofthecar
again,determinedtoseeher,tofinallytalktoher.Shehadcometothefrontdoor,openedit,hereyes
fixedonhisface.

Shetookastepforward,hesitant,unabletobelievehewashere,herheartfillingashewalkedtowards

her.Shefeltherselfenvelopedinhisarms,realisedhowlongithadbeensince...“Blake,”shewhispered
againsthim,heardhisreplyastheywalkedbackinsidethehousetogether.

Alternatingbetweennervousnessandexcitement,shemovedaroundthekitchen,automaticallymaking

coffee,notneedingtoaskthewayhewantedit.Blakeshookhishead;sherealisedhewasopeningthe
winehehadbroughtwithhim.Laughing,shetooktheglassheheldoutforher,tiltingherhead,herblue
eyessparkling,filledwithlove.

“What’shappened,Blake?”Hesmiled,hisdarkeyesfixedonherashegaveherdetails,respondedto

herquestions.Theykepttalking,Blakeunabletostopaskingquestions,displayingtheemotionshehad
dreamedofforsolong.“IknowIsaidthis…sometimeago,”shesaidcarefully.Flinching,hethought
backtothatlongagoargument,herpleadingforhisunderstanding,hisrefusaltolisten.“ButIwantyouto
know,IfellinlovethemomentIsawyou.Ithinkwebothdid.”

Blakeinclinedhishead,unabletospeakasanimageofChristieholdingIslaflashedbeforehiseyes.“I

know,”hesaideventually,lookingacrosstheloungeather,realisingitwasgrowingdark;thewinebottle
wasnearlyempty.“YouwereeverythingIdreamedof.I’veneverwantedanyoneelse,”shecontinued.“I

missedyousomuchwhenyouwentoverseas.”Heheardtheemotioninhervoice.“ButIunderstand…”
Hervoicefaltered.“I’msoproudofwhatyouhaveachieved,doneforyourself.”

Shepaused,watchingasBlakelefttheroom,returningwithanotherbottleofwine.“Canyoustayfor

dinner?”sheaskedhesitantly,painfullyawareofhisstrongcharacter,onethatcouldneverbedictatedto.

Blakenodded.“I’dlikethat.”Helookedoveratthebackdoor.“Imightheadoutside.”Sheinclined

herhead,understandingwhathewastryingtosay.

Later,theycamebackinside,herheartfillingwithjoyasBlakestayedinthekitchen,hisfacerelaxed,

hisdarkeyesalight,sparkling,talkingtoher,helpingher.Eventually,sometimeafterdinnershemoved
overtohim,lovinglyputherarmaroundhim.“Blake,really,that’sanotherbottleyou’reopening.”

“Ihaven’tdrunkitallmyself,”hereplied,hiseyesglittering.Shesmiledbackathim,shookherhead,

filledwithhappiness.

“Idon’twantyoudriving,”shereplied.Hisfacecreasedintoasmileashelookedather.“GuessI’ll

havetostaythenightthen,”hesaidcheekily.“Ofcourse,”shesaidsoftly,takingasteptowardsthe
hallway.

ChapterSixteen

ChristieheldIsla,tearsoffrustrationwellingupasIslacontinuedwailing,tensinghertinylegs,

refusingtolatchontotheteatofthebottle.Hersmallhandfisted,knockingagainstChristie.Normally,
thatreflexalwaysmadeChristiesmile;now,itsimplymadeherweary.Christiehadnotsleptwellthe
nightbeforeinthenowalmostfullward,disappointedBlakehadnotvisitedatallthedaybefore,atthe
sametimetellingherselfshecouldnotexpecthimto.Sheglancedbrieflyatthebirthregistrationformon
thecabinet,herheartsinkingevenasshetriedtoremainpositive.

Muchofthelabour,thebirthtwodaysagoremainedhazy,butshefoundshewasrememberingmore

eachday,thepain,Blake,thedoctor.Ihaven’tthankedBlakeproperly,Christiethought.Iwantedtimeto
talktohim.Shewasgratefulnonethelessforthealmostconstantpresenceofherparents,oneorbothof
themvirtuallyalwayswithher.Nowtheyhadbothleft,takenChristie’scarintoQueenstowntohavea
shortbreakfromthehospital.Christiehadassuredthemshewouldbefine,carefullycamouflagingthe
suddenmiseryshefelt.

Isla,whoupuntilnowhadbeensoadorable,adreambaby,wascontinuingtowail,stilltenseasshe

resistedChristie’seffortstogiveherabottleofformula.Imustbedoingsomethingwrong,Christie
thought,startingtopanicasIslabecamemoreupset.

“Thatwouldn’thappenifyouwerebreastfeeding.”Christielookedupinshockasthewoman’svoice

invadedherconsciousness.“Don’tyouknowformula-fedbabiesaremorepronetocotdeath?Theyaren’t
asintelligenteither.You’rejustbeingselfish!”

Absolutelystunned,Christierealisedanolderwomanvisitinganothermotherinthewardhadbeen

watchingher,waschastisingherfornotbreastfeedingIsla.Tearsspilledoverasshetriedtodefend
herself,asparkofangerextinguishedbytheweightofhermisery.

“Thatisenough.”Christielookedtowardsthedoor,recognisingBlake’svoice,hearingthepowerof

thecoldangerinhisvoice.Christie’sheartfilledwithrelief,withlove,realisingBlakewasstandingjust
insidethedoorway,hisfacetaut,hiseyesblazing.“Don’tyoudarecriticiseChristie’sparenting.Don’t
youdaremakeassumptionsaboutIsla.”Theabsoluteuncompromisingstrengthofhiswords,histone,
tookChristie’sbreathawayassheregisteredhisdefenceofherandIsla.Thewomanshrankslightly,
blushing,muttering,obviouslyembarrassed.“Whatdidyousay?”Blakeasked,hisvoicelow,steel
behindit.

“Formuladoesn’tgivebabiestherightnutrientstodevelop,”thewomansaiddefiantly.Blakeleaned

againstthedoorway,absolutelysureofhimself,histoned,toweringframewatchedbyeverywomaninthe
ward.

“Really?”hesaidwithexaggeratedsurprise.“WillyoutellmymotherorshouldI?Sheprobably

won’tagreewithyou.”Blakeshookhishead,infuriatedbeyondreasonatthewoman’scriticismof
Christie.

Hestrodeacrossthewardwithoutanotherword,drawingtheprivacycurtainaroundChristie’sbed

decisively,realisinginstantlyshewasdeeplyupset,almostcrying,thatIslawasunsettled,fractiousinher
arms.Hiseyesscannedtherestoftheroom,noticingthebirthregistrationformonthebedsidecabinet,the
penontop.Withoutaword,hegentlytookIslafromChristie,reachedovertopressthecallbutton.

ChristierealisedBlakewasholdingIsla,thatshewasstartingtocalmdownasBlakecarefullyheld

herinthecrookofhisarm,hersmallfacerelaxing.Iknowthatfeeling,Christiethought,herheart
contractingpainfully.AndIthrewitallawaybecauseIdidn’ttrusthim.

“Doyouwanttojustshuffleover,Christie,”Blakesaidtentatively,hisvoicelow,almosthesitant.

Silently,shemovedoveronthewidehospitalbed;Blakeswunghislegsuptositnexttoher.Christiewas
nolongerconsciousofthenoiseoftherestoftheward,onlyofBlake’spresence,hiscloseness,hereyes
blurringagainasshesawIslainhisarms.AndI’velostcontrolagain,shethought,embarrassment

warringwithdesire.

I’vegottofocusonpracticalities,Blakethought,wonderingwhereChristie’sparentswere.I’vegot

tosortoutwhat’sworryingher.Hehesitated.“How’sIslagoingtoday?”

ChristietensedasheaskedonlyaboutIsla.“Obviously,notsogood,”shereplied,anedgetoher

voice.“Shewouldn’ttakeabottlejustnow,eventhoughthenursesaidIshouldfeedher.Ididn’teven
realiseshewashungry.Itturnedintoabitofawar.”

“Christie,ifyoudidn’tthinkIslawashungry,andshewon’tfeed,you’reprobablyright,”Blakesaid

reasonably.“Sojustflagthefeedingfornow.”Hegrinnedather.“Ifshe’sanythinglikehermother,there’s
nopointtryingtotellherwhattodo.”

AfaintsmilelitChristie’sface,diedawayagain.Blake’seyesnarrowed;heglanceddownatIsla,

alreadyregrettingholdingher,unpreparedfortheprotectiveemotionsweepingthroughhim.Hewas
desperatetocomfortChristie,knowingatthesametimehecouldhardlyinvolveChristieinadiscussion
aboutarelationshipwhenshewasrightlysocaughtupinlookingafterIsla.Andthere’sthesmallmatter
oftrust,hethoughtsilently.

ChristierealisedBlakewasshiftingIslaagainsthim,slouchingslightlysothatIslacouldfallasleep

againsthim,hertinyhandtryingtogriptheroughwoolofhisjumper,fisting,thenfallingbacktoherside
assherelaxed.“Youwereright,”heemphasised.“Sleep,notfood.”Christiefoundshecouldn’tevenlook
atBlakeasregretsweptthroughher,hearinghimcommentonIsla’shat.Christielookeddownather
sleepingdaughterhesitantly,realisingshewaswearingthepalegreenhatfromtheoutfitBlakehadbought
inDunedintogetherwithoneofthesmallsleepingsuitshehadalsochosen.

“It’stoobigforherrightnow,”shesaid,strivingforacasualtone.“Thewholeoutfitis.ButIcanroll

uptherimofthehat.”JustthenanursecalledtoChristie,camethroughthecurtain.

“Iwanttoseethelactationconsultant,”BlakesaidbeforeChristiecouldsayanything.“Urgently.AndI

wanttofindoutaboutChristiemovingtoaprivateroom,orasmallerward.Iaskedaboutittheotherday.
Thanks.”Histonebrookednoargument.Christielookedathim,shockedattherawemotionstillvisible
inhiseyes.Sheheardthewoman’swordsrepeatinginherheadagain,feelingfaintwithfear,focusing
onlyonthehealthofherchild.

“AndIdon’twanttotalktotheconsultantinhere,”Blakeadded,knowinghowprivateChristiewas.
“I’mbeingdischargedtomorrow,”Christiesaidwhenthenursehadgone.“Ithardlyseems—”
“Idon’tcare,”Blakesaid,hisvoicehard.“YoushouldjustbeabletoenjoytimewithIsla,notlistento

thatgarbage.”HecursedinwardlyatthesuddenlookoffearonChristie’sface.Ican’tletmyselfrelyon
him,Christiethoughtsilently.ItwilljustbemeandIslafromnowon,I’vegottosortthingsoutmyself.
Blakeseeingherdistress,thephysicalprocessofbirth,hadleftherfeelingvulnerable,exposed
physicallyandemotionally.

“Youdon’tneedtotakeover,Blake,”shesaidstubbornly.“Icansortoutthingsformyself.Andfor

Isla.Notyourproblem.”Herheartscreamedatherasshekepttalking,remindingherofherneedfor
Blake,forsomeonetotalktowhounderstoodhersocompletely.“Youhardlyneedtobehere,”Christie
continued.“Iappreciateyourhelpbutwe’llbefine.”Shecouldn’tlookatIsla,sleepingsopeacefully
againstBlake’sjumper,theoversizedpalegreenhatsquashedagainsthisarm.

“Iguessit’sgottobeyourdecision,Christie.”Blake’svoicewasheavy.“ButIwasjustconcerned

aboutIsla,”headded.“Andyouseemedconcernedtoo.Butnoworries;ifyou’resureyou’reokay,I’ll
headoff.”Christietookadeepbreath,thinkingagainofIsla,ofthecoldtentaclesoffearshehadfeltat
thewoman’sharshwords.Ican’tthinkofmyselfwhenit’saboutIsla,sherealised.

Involuntarily,shethoughtofBlake’sconstantreassuringpresenceduringIsla’sbirth;thethoughtofhim

stayingforthemeetingwaspainfullyseductive.“Doyouhavetimetostayforthemeeting?”Christie
asked.

“Ofcourse,”Blakesaid,notwantingtoadmithehadtakenthewholeafternoonoff,hopingtospend

moretimewithChristie.AndwithIsla.Hisfacesetashethoughtofhisbusinesspartners’good-natured
commentsabouthislackofconcentrationthedaybefore.

Twentyminuteslater,Christiewasinstalledinaprivateroom;thedoctorarrivedalmostimmediately.

Christienervouslyrepeatedwhatthewomanhadsaid,hervoicefalteringassheaskedaboutcotdeath.
“Thereareacoupleofstudiesthatpointtoformulaasapossibleriskfactor,refertointelligenceand
development,but,really,Christie—”Christieburstintotears,allheremotionsrushingtothesurfaceas
thedoctorreferredtoeventheremotepossibilityofIsla’shealth,herlife,beingthreateneddueto
Christie’sowninabilitytoprovidebreastmilkforher.

“Youcanfindastudytoshowmostthings,”sheheardBlakesay.“Surelytheserisksareremote,there

mustbesomanyvariablesforanybaby?”

“That’strue,”thedoctorsaid.“AndIslaisahealthylittlegirl,Christie,lookathowalertsheis…”

Christiewasstilldistraught,barelyheardthedoctor’swords.“Pleasedon’tlettheexaggeratedwordsof
astrangerdamageyourjoyaboutIsla,”thedoctorurged.Eventually,Christiebroughtherselfunder
control,tryingtothinkthroughwhatthedoctorhadsaid.

“Cotdeathisariskthough,isn’tit?Foranybaby.”
Thedoctornoddedcautiously.“Yes,butChristie—”
Blakeinterruptedthemboth,thinkingofthewayIslahadsleptsopeacefullyinhisarms,herblueeyes

peekingoutathimfromundertherimofherhatwhenshewoke.“Whataboutababymonitor,justtobeon
thesafeside?What’sinvolved?”

Thedoctornodded.“Yes,abreathingmonitor.”Concisely,sheexplainedthewaytheyworked,the

approximatecost.

Christiewassilentafterthedoctorleft.Suddenly,shespoke,calculatingthecostofhiringamonitor.

Blakeshookhishead,correctingher.Sheblushed,realisinghewasright,unusedtobeingwrong.“See,
formuladidn’tdamagemyintellectualdevelopment,”hesaidwithmockarrogance.

“Orthedevelopmentofyourego,”Christiesaid,areluctantsmilefinallyreachingherface,herheart

lurchingatBlake’sfamiliarteasingtones.“Whydidyouhaveformula?”sheaskedsuddenly,dangerously,
wonderingwhathewouldsay.

ChristiewasunpreparedforthechangeinBlake’sexpression,theflashofpain,theuncertainty.Justas

quickly,hemasteredhimself,shruggednonchalantly.Sheflushedslightlyashesmiledather,atthesame
timeknowingdeepinherhearthewasusinghisdevastatingsmile,hischarm,todeflectherquestion,
distracther.“HowwouldIknow?”hesaideasily.“I’veneveraskedaboutthatsortofthing.”Helooked
acrossatIsla,stillabletohearhismother’svoiceinhishead,answeringhisinnocentquestionswhenhe
gothomefromschoolafteraclassroomtalk.Butyouknowenoughtoknowyouhadformula…You’re
stillhidingthingsfromme,Christiethought,dismayed,herheartplummeting.

ShelookeddownatIsla,tryingtoconcentrate.IcanhardlydiscussIsla’shealthwithBlakewhenhe

stillcan’tbeopenwithme.ThedoctorhadreassuredChristietoalargedegreebutshewasstillnaturally
concernedabouteventheslightestrisktoIsla.BlakemustthinkIcryallthetime,shethoughtbitterly.
Christie’sthoughtsreturnedtotheideaofabreathingmonitor,ofaskingherparentstogoouttomorrowto
hireone,knowingshecouldhardlyringthemnow,outoftheblue.Theywouldwanttoknowwhy,be
upsetatwhatthewomanhadsaid.AlreadytheywerequietlyconcernedaboutChristiebeingasingle
mother,emphasisingtheirbeliefinherabilitytocopebutdisappointedinPaul’scompletelackofsupport.

WhileofcourseChristiehadnottoldthemthefullextentofPaul’sappallingattitude,theyhadasked

herseveraltimesabouttheapartmentarrangement,thecontracting,madecommentsaboutapplyingfor
childsupport.LikeI’daskthatbastardforanythingagain,Christiethoughtsavagely.We’llbefineon
ourown.

DisappointedatChristie’ssilence,noticinghertiredness,Blakelingeredagainsthisbetterjudgment,

oneminutetellinghimselfheshouldgo,thenextminuteresolvingtotalktoChristie.Hetriedtowill

himselftostandup,failed,instead,heardhimselfsayhername.Shelookedoverathim,clearly
preoccupied.“Ithought…”Heclearedhisthroat,unaccountablynervous.Islastirredinthetransparent
hospitalcrib;hecaughtaglimpseofherhat.

BlakelookedbackatChristie,hismindsuddenlymadeup,remorsetuggingathimforleavingso

abruptlyonthedayIslawasborn.He’sgoingtoleavenow,Christiethought.Again.

“ThanksforcomingtovisitIsla,”shesaidpolitely,deliberatelyreferringonlytoherbaby.“Youwere

ahit,”shesaid,smiling,breakingoff,unabletocontinueassherecalledthe

imageofIslainBlake’sarms,wearingthehathehadchosen.Again,Christieheardhisvoice,hisangry

defenceofherparenting.“Andforslayinganolddragon,”shesaidbeforeshecouldstopherself,hoping
thecommentcameacrossasfriendlybanter.

Christie’sjokepromptedBlaketocontinue,tobecautiouslyoptimistic.“Ithoughtabreathingmonitor

wouldbeagoodidea.Justforpeaceofmind.”

Shelookedathim,surprisedathisinterest.“Iagree,”shesaidsoftly.“Itdidn’tsoundlikeIsla’satany

greaterrisk,but—”

“Idon’twanttotakeanyunnecessarychances,”Blakeinterrupted,stoppedabruptlyasherealised

whathehadrevealed.

Christienodded,hermindcompletelyfocusedonIsla.“I’mgoingtoaskmyparentstolookatthem

tomorrow,”Christiesaid.“SoIcanuseitwhenIgethome.”Blakeleanedforwardinthechair.

“I’llheadoutandgetonenow,”hesaid.“Thenyou’llbeallsetfortomorrow.”Hekepttalking,not

givingChristieachancetorefuse.“I’llbebackinacoupleofhours,bringbackanearlydinnerforyou.
Doesthatgiveyoutimetorest?”

ChristielookedatBlake,overwhelmedathismatter-of-factplanning.Justforoneevening,she

thought.Hermindcreptbacktotheeveningatthepub,theeveningatMasonBay,theeveningathis
cottage,thenightathiscottage.Andthenherstupid,stupidmistake,themonumentalimplications,Blake’s
hurt,hisanger.Themoreshehadthoughtaboutitthemoreanuncomfortablerealisationhadcreptover
her,unabletobedismissed.Andyetshestilldidn’tknow,notreally.

Christietookadeepbreath.“Myparentsarecomingbacklater,”shesaidguiltily.Heshrugged,

seeminglyunconcerned.

“Welltellthemtobehereaboutsix,I’llbringenoughforthemtoo.”Christietensedashestoodup.
“Blake,here—”Shereachedforherwallet,tookoutallofthesubstantialemergencycashshehad

askedherparentstowithdrawfromheraccountearlier.“Canyoulookathiringoneorbuyingone,
whateverthebestmodelseemstobe.I’llpayanydifference,ofcourse,andforthetakeaways.AndIowe
youfortheformulaandthebottles…”HervoicetrailedoffatthelookonBlake’sface.

“Christie,IwaswantingtogetagiftforIsla.Apracticalthing.”Hesmiledather.“SinceIknowshe

hasenoughclothes.”Hegesturedatthecash.“Putthatawayfornow,I’llgetanideaofprices,models,let
youknow.We’llsortitoutlater,maybesplitthecost,”helied,havingabsolutelynointentionofletting
Christiepay,offendedatherrigidinsistenceonpayingherownwayforeverything.Helefttheroom
abruptly,sayinghewouldseeheraroundsix.

ChristierangherparentsandthencheckedIsla,whowasstillasleep.Exhaustedherself,shetriedto

rest,shakeoffherupsetabouttheeventsoftheday.Shepromptlyfellasleepinthepeaceoftheprivate
room,onlytowakeupagain,hazilyrealisingBlakewassittingonachair,holdingIsla.Stillsleepy,
Christietriedtositup.

“Justgobacktosleep,Christie.I’vegotIsla,she’sfine.”
“Yousaidyouweregoing,”Christiemurmured.
“Camebackagain,”hesaid,notwantingtotellherhehadbeenworriedabouther.Sleepovertook

Christieagain;shewokeupproperlyanhourlater,layquietlyforafewminutes.Eventually,shestruggled
upright,stilldisorientated,unabletoshakeoffherdisappointmentaboutthebirthregistrationform,her

concernaboutIsla’shealth.ChristietensedasshesawBlakestretchedoutinthechairbythewindow,
readingwhatlookedlikeahuntingmagazine.Helookedoverather,seeingshewasawake.Theireyes
met;ChristiemovedhergazeovertoIsla,asleepagaininhercrib,unabletolookbackatBlake,hearing
himputdownthemagazine.

ChristiesawapackagebyIsla’scrib,reachedovertoopenit,realisingwithashockBlakehad

purchasedratherthanhiredabreathingmonitor.“Isthatoneokay?”Blakeasked.Christienodded.

“Yes,itlooksgreat;wasthistheoneyouthought—”
“Yes,”Blakesaid,hisvoicedefinite.RealisingChristiewantedmoredetailsheexplainedthedifferent

versionshehadlookedat,whyhehadchosenthatone.Christienodded,thankinghimasshereachedfor
herwallet.Blakeputhishandoverhers;Christietensed,hereyesfixedonhiswrist,hisknuckles,his
fingerscurvedaroundhers.Thewarmthofhishandsentashockoflongingthroughher.

“No,”Blakesaid,hisvoicelow.“I’llgetthatforIsla.Noarguments.”Christiewasabouttoprotest,

lookedupathim,sawtheemotionflashacrosshisface.“Christie,maybeyoushouldfindoutaboutinfant
CPR.”HereyeswidenedatBlake’sbluntadvice,evenassherealisedthesenseofhissuggestionthat
mirroredherownthoughts.

“Ithoughtthattoo,Blake.I’mgoingtoaskthenursemoreaboutit.ButIdon’twantyoupayingfor

thingsfor—”Christiehesitated,“—forIsla.”

“You’llhavetoputupwithit,Christie.”Blake’sfacewasset.“Iwon’ttakeyourmoney.”Thesilence

betweenthemdriftedforawhile.ChristiewasunnervedbytheimpersonaltoneofBlake’svoiceevenas
herheartleaptathisgenerosity,hermindbreathlesslywonderingifitmeantsomethingmore.Thememory
ofhisfuryonthemorningofherstayathiscottagewashedoverher.Don’tbuildyourselfupfor
disappointment,shethoughtinwardly.

Blake’sfraternalattitude,hisfriendlyinterestinIslawasalmostconstant;tryasshemight,Christie

couldnotrealisticallygiveherselfreasontohopeforanythingmore.Blakehadnevermentionedthe
telephonecallorreferredtoanythingthathadhappenedbetweenthem,hadrigidlykepttheconversation
solelyonIslaatalltimes.

ChristiehadbeendisappointedatBlake’sreactiontoherparents’planstovisitherthatevening;he

hadnotraisedanyobjectiontoafamilydinnerratherthanadinnerfortwo.Shemadeaconsciouseffort
tostophertrainofthought,determinednottoreadmoreintoBlake’sactions.Great,shethoughtwryly.
Takeawaysinahospitalroomwithmyparentsaschaperones.Adefiniterealitycheck.

Bringinghermindbacktothepresent,Christietookadeepbreath.“I’llcallmyparents,askthemtoget

takeawaysonthewaytothehospital.”Shereachedforhermobileasshespoke.

“Done,”Blakespokebriefly.“Dinnerwillbedeliveredanyminute;howlongwillyourparentsbe?”
Christiepaused,lookingathim.“Delivered?”sherepeated.“Doesthepizzaplacedeliverouthere?”

WatchingBlake,sherealisedhewassmilingsuddenly;herheartstartedpoundingunreasonably.

“Blake,whathaveyouarranged?Ijustwantedtakeaways,somethingsimple,what—”
Hisphonebuzzedwithatext;hestoodup.“Thatwillbedinner,”hesaidcalmly.JustthenChristie’s

parentsarrived;shecouldnotinsistonanexplanationasBlakelefttheroom,wasinsteadcaughtupin
reassuringherparentswhenhermotherspottedthebreathingmonitor.Hermother’sperceptivequestions
unnervedChristie,remindedherofheremotionsduringtheafternoon.Emotionsshehadcamouflaged
fromBlakeshenowalsohidfromherparents,minimisingtheconcernshefelt.

ChristielookedtowardsthedoorasherfathernoticedBlake’sarrivalwithalargebox.Stunned,

Christiewatchedhimunwrapfourmealsthathadobviouslybeenprofessionallypreparedandwerestill
pipinghot.Blakemethergaze,hiseyessuddenlyintent,warm,fixedonher.Incredulous,Christiewas
speechless,barelyheardherparents’amazedcommentsas

Blakemovedtheslidingtableclosertoherandstartedopeningabottleofwineasherparentspulled

chairsclosertothebed.

“Thisisfromthewinery,”Christiesaid,suddenlyrealisinghowBlakehadarrangedthemeals.Blake

nodded,pouringheraglassofwine.ChristiecouldseehermothermouthingsomethingbehindBlake’s
back;sheshookherheadslightly,tryingtodiscouragehermotherfrom—

“Blake,thisissuchanextravagance,evenifitisChristie’sbirthday.Thankyouforgoingtosomuch

trouble.Andforgettingamealforallofus;wewerejustgoingtopickupsometakeaways.”Christie
lookedatBlake,embarrassed,feelingunaccountablyguilty.ShesawBlake’seyesdarkenashewatched
her,thehurtonhisfaceinstantlyhidden,replacedwithhismostcharmingexpressionasheturnedto
acknowledgehermother’scomment,offeringhermotherfirstchoiceofthefourmealsthathadbeen
delivered.

OblivioustothefactChristiehadnottoldBlakeitwasherbirthday,Christie’smotherlaughingly

suggestedChristiechoosefirst.BlaketurnedtoChristie.“Bluecodorsteak?”heasked,hisface
impassive.Christie’sfaceburnedassherememberedthebluecodBlakehadinsistedshetryonStewart
Island,thesteakhehadcookedforherathiscottage.Idon’tneedtotellhimeverything,Christiethought,
ignoringherfeelingofunease.ShesmiledatBlake.

“Youdecide,Blake,”shesaid,meetinghisgaze,seeingthehurtflareagaininhiseyes.

—#—

ItseemedtoChristie,lookingbackovertheevening,thatBlakehadbeenathismostrelaxed.Fromthe

momentheplacedabeautifullypresentedpanfriedfilletofbluecodinfrontofher,hehadengagedher
parentsandherineasyconversation,makingcommentsabouthisnewhome,askingaboutAustralia,
explainingaboutthewinery.

Hehaddisplayednodisappointmentatherparents’presence,goneoutofhiswaytobepolite,

attentivetothemandtoher.Theemotionshehadseensofleetinglyinhiseyeshadnotreappeared;
instead,hiseyeswereclear,direct.Idon’thaveabrother,Christiethoughtinwardly,butthiseveningis
whatitwouldhavebeenlike.Disappointmentfloodedthroughher.Againshefeltthedisbelief,the
stunnedwonderasshehadseenthemeals,thepreservedfruitandhalfmeltedice-creamBlakehadalso
broughttothehospitalroom.

Aromanticgesture,sheknew,andyetBlake’sentireattitudehadbeenso—fraternal.Shereplayedhis

casualassistancewhileshefedIsla,hispolitequestionsaboutherimpressionsofQueenstown,makinga
pointofbringingherparentsintotheconversation.

Herparentshadleftseveralminutesago;Blakehadtakentheplates,glassesandwinebottlesouttohis

car.Christiecaughtherbreath,lookingatIslainthecrib,realisingthattonightshehadseenthefriendly,
genuinesideofBlake,hisinherentstrengthofcharacter.

AndhethinksIdon’ttrusthim…he’sseenmeatmyabsoluteworst…andI’vegotanotherman’s

childintow…DoubtsassailedChristie.Theopen,expansivepersonalityBlakehaddemonstratedthat
eveningwasastarkcontrasttothereserve,thesecretivenessheusuallydisplayedwhiledemanding
extensivedisclosurefromher.Maybehe’snotattractedtomeanymoreafterwhathe’sseenrecently…
maybe…HerthoughtscircledendlesslyasshewatchedIslastir,herminiaturearm,hertinyhand,
stretchingoutasshestartedtowakeup.

“I’llgether,”Blakespoke,makingChristielookupquicklyassherealisedhehadreturned.
“Youdon’thaveto,shecanstayinthecrib,”Christiesaid,anunintentionaledgetohervoice,not

wantingtoupsetherselffurtherseeingherinfantdaughterbeingheldbyBlake.

“Yesofcourse,ifthat’swhatyouwant.”
Blakesoundsdisappointed,Christiethought,suddenlyweary.“Blake,Ididn’tmeanIslahadtostayin

thecrib,Ijustdidn’twantyoutothinkyouhadtopickherup.”Christietriedtosmooththingsover,aware
Blakewasnowoffendedonanumberoflevels.“Shealwayslooksverycontented,beingheldbyyou.”

Everywordwasaneffortasshetriedtokeephertonecasual.

“Unlikehermother,”Blakesaidbitterly,shockingChristie.
“Blake,please,Ididn’tmeanto—”
“What?”hedemanded.“Tellme,again,thatyoudon’ttrustme?DoyouthinkI’lldropher?”
“Ofcoursenot!”ImpatienceenteredChristie’svoiceasshesoughttoconvincehim,turnthe

conversationawayfromtheargumentithadbecome.Shecastaroundforsomethingtosay.“Howisyour
housegoing?WhatdecisionshasRebeccamade?”Sheimmediatelyrealisedhehadagaintakenherwords
thewrongway;wasscowlingather.

“Yousaidyou’dhelpme.”Blake’svoicewascool.“Yes,Idid,”Christiesaidawkwardly.“ButI

thought—”

“ThatI’dchangedmymind?”Blakeinterruptedharshly.
Christiefloundered,feelinglikeshewasmiredinquicksand.“Ididn’tknow,”shebegan,tryingtokeep

hermindfocusedonhisgenerositytowardsIsla.“Icanhelp,ifyoustillwantmeto.Ireallyappreciate
whatyou’vedoneforIsla,”Christieadded,desperatelyhopingthissoundedlikeacrediblereason,
knowingatthesametimeitwasthelastthingsheshouldbeofferingtodo.

“Yousoundsoenthusiastic,Christie.Don’tgotoanytroubleonmybehalf.”
Christieclosedhereyesbriefly,fightingdownherwarringemotionsandhergenuinegratitudeatallof

Blake’shelp.“Iamkeentohelpyou,Blake.Ijust…Idon’twantittobeawkward,”shesaidasneutrally
aspossible.“That’swhyIassumedRebeccawouldhelp.”

Hewatchedhersilently,notsayinganything.Ican’treadhimatall,shethought,flushing

uncomfortablyashisgazestayedonher.Christielookedawaybriefly,tryingtospeaknormally,continue
theconversation.“IaskedaboutprogressonyourhousebecauseIwasinterested.Youdon’thavetolet
meknownow.ButIcanhelp.”

“Maybeinacoupleofmonthsorso,”Blakesaid,surprisingher.“I’llletyouknow,sendyouatext.”
Christieinclinedherhead,silentlywonderingwhetherhewouldornot.“Ofcourse,”shesaidquietly.
“How’sitbeentoday?’Blakesaidsuddenly,bluntly.Christiethoughtbackovertheday,hertired

misery,thewoman’scomments,thebreathingmonitor.DinnerwithBlakeandherparents.

“Fine,”shelied.
Blakeexhaled.“Whenareyouactuallygoingtotalktomeratherthanjustpretendeverything’sall

right?”Shelookedathim,stubborn,notwantingtodisplayfurtherweaknessinfrontofhim.

Blakesaidnothingfurther,seeminglywhollyfocusedonIslainhercrib.Dully,Christierealisedhe

hadobviouslytakenoffenceathercommentandhadmadenoefforttopickupIsla,wasinsteadensuringa
blanketwassecurelytuckedinasIslawentbacktosleep.Christiewatchedhim,intenselyawareofthe
contrastbetweenhissuddencoldnesstowardsherandhiscontinuingtendernesstowardsIsla.

Reluctantly,Blakesteppedawayfromthecrib,knowinghecouldnotstaylongerintheabsenceofany

encouragementorinvitationfromChristie.Disappointmentfilledhimashebattledwithhisemotions,
knowingheshouldnotinvolvehimselffurther,knowingheshouldreallycuthislosses,hesitating
nonetheless.“Ifyouneedafriendtoheadbackin,justcallme.Pretendit’sbymistakeifyouneedto.”His
sardonicvoicecompletelymaskedtheconcernhefeltatherflat,apatheticdemeanour.

Christie’sfaceburnedassheregisteredBlake’sreferencetomistakencalls.DoeshethinkIdidthat

deliberately?shewonderedwildlyascommonsensebattledwithlackofsleep.“Thanks,butthatwon’t
benecessary,”Christiesaidpolitely.“We’llbefine.”

Blaketookasteptowardsher,achingtocomforther,knowingshewouldrebuffanyattemptatcomfort

fromhiminthiscurrentdetached,distantmood.Hefoundhimselfhavingtoconcentrateonmaintainingthe
fraternalmannerheknewwassafer.Hetriedafinaltime,drivenbyafutileimpulse,hisinitialangerand
hurtatbeingexcludedmeltingawayasherecalledthedepthofherdistressovertheday.“Icouldstay.”

Christie’seyesfixedonIsla,determinednottobetrayanyfurtherweakness.Herheartscreamedather,

itsvoicedeafeningherasshefoughttheurgetoturnintoBlake’sarms,talktohimopenly,shareher
thoughts.Sheshookherheadmutely,tryingtobringherselfundercontrol,watchinghimsilently,terrified
ofdisplayinganyemotion,notwantingtobreakdowncompletely.

Blake’seyesnarrowed,everywordaneffort.“Iknowyoudon’tneedme,Christie.Youmakethatvery

clear.Ijustthoughtyoumightwantafriendtostay.”Blake’smentionofthatword,hisreasonabletone,
wasenoughtomakeChristiestarklyawareoftherealityofthesituation.Shepushedasidetheseductive
thoughtofBlakestayingfortherestofthenight,hissilentsupport,hiscasualassistancewithfeedingIsla.

“Thanksagain,Blake.Butwereallywillbeallright.Besides,”Christieaddedlamely,“you’vegot

worktomorrow.”

Blakelookedather,smilingwithouthumour.“Tomorrow’sSaturday.Butyou’vemadeyourpoint.”

ChristielookedblanklyatthedoorasBlakewalkedoutoftheroomasabruptlyashehadarrived.Blake’s
gone.Numb,Christierealisedhehadnottakenhisjacket;almostguiltilyshereachedforit,stillfeeling
itswarmthagainstherasshefellasleep.

—#—

Christielayawakeinthedarkness,sensingtheshadowedformofthenursehoveringatthedoorofher

room,relievedassheheardthenursewalkquicklydownthecorridor.Christiecurledupinthebed,
tryingtocalmherselfwithoutsuccessasthetraumaticeventsofthepreviousdaycaughtupwithher,her
distressbreachingtheprotectivefrontshehaddisplayedtoherparents,toBlake.Freshtears
overwhelmedheratthethoughtofbringingIslaupalone.

Blindly,shereachedforBlake’sjacket,thewoolbecomingdampagainstherface,intensifyingBlake’s

scent.Herlackoftrusttauntedherasshereplayedthemanywayshehadtriedtosupporther,spendtime
withher.ButI’mjustoneinaline,shetoldherself,ignoringthevoiceinherheartremindinghershehad
notevenbotheredtoaskBlakeforanykindofexplanation.Hergazemovedtothebedsidecabinetinthe
semidarkness,knowingherphonewasthere.Callhim…It’s3a.m.…HesaidIcouldcall…

Christie’sheartwarredwithhermindasshelongedforBlake’spresence,movingtowardsthecabinet,

herhandfeelingalongthetopofthecabinet,closingaroundthecoldphone.Herheartpounding,Christie
settledbackontothebed,furtivelylookingattheglowingscreen,herthumbhoveringoverthesymbols,
herresolvewaveringassheglancedtowardsIsla.

—#—

Blakewaswideawakeinstantly,reachingforhismobilephoneinthedarknessofthenight.Hefought

offdisappointmentasheheardthevoice,knewhehadtofocus.Heaskedseveralprecisequestions,
endingthecallashehastilythrewonclothes,grabbingthecarkeysfromthecoldkitchenbench,heading
outthedoor.

—#—

Christiewatched,holdingherbreath,asBlakestrodeintothehospitalroom,glancingatIslainhercrib

beforehiseyesfixedonChristie,rakingoverher,satisfyinghimselfshewasallright.

“Blake?”Herfacecreased.Hesmiledather,hidinghisconcernatherobviouslyreddenedeyesashe

tookaseatnexttothebed.

“Thenurserang,”hesaidcalmly.
“Whywasthenurseringingyou?”sheaskedsuspiciously,glancingquicklyatthephoneshehad

replacedonthecabinet.

“BecauseIaskedthemtocalliftherewasaproblem,”Blakerepliedasthoughitwasobvious.“I

knewyouwouldn’tcallyourself.Goodtoseeyou’restillfine,”headded.

Blake’swordschilledChristie,adirectreferencetothepoliteassuranceshehadgivenhim.She

lookedupathim,wonderingwhethertotellhimshehadinfactconsideredcallinghim,marvellingathis
uttercalmness,hiscompletecontrol.Itwasasthoughshecouldseehimwithtotalclarity,couldnottake
hereyesfromhisface.Hisdevastatinglooksseemedevenmorepronounced,hisdarkeyesthecolourof
theshadowsinthedimly-litroomashewaitedforhertospeak.

Christieshivered,recognisingBlake’suncompromisingattitude.Thenurseranghimat3a.m.sohe

gotstraightinthecaranddrovehere.AndIdidn’ttrusthim.Panicflashedthroughherbrieflybefore
shebroughtherselfbackundercontrol.“Todaydidn’tgoverywell,”shestarted.“Isla’sfine—”

“Sobothofyouarethen?”Blakejoked,unabletostophimselfashesensedshewasalreadycalmer,

morerelaxed.

Christiegavehimareluctantsmile.“Ididn’tsleeplastnightbecause…Anyway,everythingseemedto

gowrong.Andthenthatwoman,shereallygottome.Andthatbirthregistrationform.”Christiestopped,
gaveanembarrassedlaugh.“Itjustallhithome.I’llhavetoleavehalfofitblank,becausePaulisn’t
interestedinIslaatall.AndI’dneedhissignatureifIputhimasthefather.ThenItoppedthatoffandhad
thatnightmareagain.”

Blakewatchedherassheexplainedfurther,talkingtohimmatter-of-factly.Herealisedthatthe

troubledlookhadgonefromherface,thathereyeswereclear,thefamiliarbrightshadeofblue.“Inother
words,thedayfromhell,”hesaid,deadpan.Christienodded,alreadyregainingperspective.Howcanhe
sitthere,sayalmostnothingandmakemefeelsomuchbetter,shethought,amazed.

“HasPaulbeenintouchagain?”Blakeasked,theknowledgeofPaul’spreviouscallinhiseyes.
Christieshookherheaddefinitely.“No,andIhaven’thadthatnightmareformonths,notsince—”she

faltered,rememberingthenightinDunedin,“—formonths,”sherepeated,lookingatIsla.“Andthenurse
heard,musthavecalledyou.”

BlakecontinuedtowatchChristie,thinkingoverhercomments,wonderingaboutwhatshehadsaid.

It’snotsurprisingshe’sstillhavingthatnightmare,herationalised.Butprimaljealousyplayedatthe
edgesofhismindevenashetriedtoignorethefactitwasthenursethatcalledhim,notChristie.Andshe
hadalwaystoldhimaboutthenightmare,alwaysbeenhonestwithhim.Herememberedthedreamshehad
hadinDunedin;clearlyhehadnothingtoworryabout.Then,hethoughtbleakly.Nowshe’stalkingtome,
butasafriend.

“Anyway,I’vegottofeedIsla,”Christiesaid,unnervedbyBlake’ssilenceevenasheassistedher,

gettingoutofhischairtopickupIsla,settlingablanketaroundthembothafterChristiehadmixedthe
bottleofformula.Ican’tdothis,Christiethoughtdesperately,growingmoreandmoreconsciousofBlake
watchingthemboth.Everythinghedoesissogenuine,practical.Sofraternal.

“Thanksforcomingin,Blake,”shesaid.“But—”
“You’refine,”hesaid.“AmIright?”
Christienodded,hermouthcurvingintoasmile,notreferringtotheconfidencesshehadmentioned.

It’slikeadream,Christiethought.Likewebothjusttalkedtoeachothernormally.Andnow…

“I’mstayinghere.”Blake’svoicewasuncompromising.
Christie’seyeswidenedwithshock.“That’snotnecessary,”shesaidfirmly,knowingshecouldnot

copewithanyfurtherfraternalcommentsoractionswhenshehadhopedforsomuchmore.“Thanks
anyway.”

Hisdarkeyesmetherwidebluegaze,hisexpressionimplacable.“Noarguments,”hesaid.
Feelingincreasinglyuneasyathisabsolutetone,theforceofhiswords,Christiesoughttoexplain.

“I’vejusthadonebadday,Blake.Anditwasmybirthdaytoo…Ijust…”Sheshruggedinwhatshehoped
wasacasualmanner.“Idon’tneedyouoverreacting,leavingdirectiveswiththenurses,rushinginhere

over—”shefalteredslightly,“—onebaddream.”

Blaketensed,realisingonceagainChristiewasshuttinghimout.Hurtandfrustrationfilledhim.Blood

fromastone.ThememoryofMasonBayroseuptochokehimasherememberedChristie’sbehaviour
then,thesamelackoftrust,themixedmessages.Andyet…Emotioncoursedthroughhimashereplayed
thewayChristie’smotherhadmentioned

Christie’sbirthday,clearlyassuminghewouldknow,thatChristiewouldhavesaidsomething.As

anyonewould,exceptChristie,withhersecretivenessandprivatenature.Blakeshookhisheadslightly,
speakingrashly,toolaterememberingChristie’searlierdistress,whateverfrontshetriedtodisplay.

“Yes,itwasyourbirthday.Accordingtoyourmother.Didyounotthinktotellmeyourself?”Christie

methisgaze,defiantnow,terrifiedhewoulddecipherhertruefeelings.

“Yes,Blake,Idid.AndthenIthoughtyoumightthinkIwasoneofthosegolddiggersyouguard

against,thatIwantedagift.”

Blakelookedather,genuinelystunned.“Golddigger?”heechoedtheterm.
“Yousaidthatwaswhyyoudidn’ttellmeaboutthewinery...Youaskedwhyitmattered…andyou’ve

alreadyboughtsomuchforIsla.”Christiegesturedtowardsthetinsofformulaonthecabinet.“AndI
can’treallyreciprocate.That’swhyIwanttohelpyouwiththehouse…”Hervoicetrailedoffatthelook
onhisface.

Blakelaughedharshly.“Yeah,sure,Christie.You’rethemostfinanciallyindependentwomanIknow.

Hardlyagolddigger.AndifIdidbuyyouagiftyouwouldn’tacceptitanyway.Youdon’ttrustmeand
youwon’tincludemeinyourlife.That’stherealreason.”

“Idotrustyou,Blake,”Christiesaidsimply,pausingasahalfrememberedmemorytuggedathermind.

Iwasspeakingtothedoctorduringlabour,wantingtotellthedoctorsomething…Ijustcan’t
remembermuch,shethought,sickatheart.

“Andthat’swhyyouwentthroughmyphone,”hesaid,hisvoicecold.
Christietookadeepbreath,angerfillingher.“Blake,Imadeaterriblemistake.Pleasetryto

understand,don’tjudgemejust—”

“It’snotjustthat,Christie,it’sallthe—”
Christieinterrupted,angertakingover,embarrassedatwhatshehadconfidedearlier.“SoIhavetotell

youeverything,doI?WhenI’mfeelingmiserable,instantlyshareallmymedical—”

“Iwasworriedaboutyou,”hecutin.“Ifyou’rehavingabaddaywhydon’tyoujustsayso,talktome.

Tellmeaboutthatbirthregistrationformorwhateveritisthat’sworryingyou.”Christieflushedat
Blake’scommentevenashiswordsechoedinhermind,crystallisingherearlierthoughts.Hereyes
snappedasshewatchedhim,hisfaceset,angry.Suddenknowledgefilledher.

“Mybirthday.”Christieemphasisedthewords.“Isla’sbirthregistrationform,”shecontinued.“What

aboutyourown?Wereyouevergoingtotellme?”Shesawhisfacebleachwhite,theagonyrealinhis
eyes.Toolate,ChristierealiseditwasthewrongtimetoconfrontBlake,washardlyasubjecttoraisein
anger.Shockedatherself,Christieswiftlytriedtomakeamends,apologising,emphasisingitwasnoneof
herbusiness.

Blakestoodup,glancingdownatIsla.“Yes,Iwas,”hesaid,hisvoicebroken.“Thatmorningatmy

cottage.Butyouwouldn’tlisten.”Hedidn’tlookatChristieagainashewalkedout.

ChapterSeventeen

ChristieheldIsla,unabletobelievehowtimehadflown.Already,Islawasalmostthreemonthsold,

hadgrownsomuch.HertinyhandgrippedChristie’sfinger,holdingonwithsurprisingstrengthasher
brightblueeyesmetChristie’s,hergazewaveringslightlyasshetriedtofocusonChristie’sface.Christie
carefullyplacedIslainthecarseat,bucklingherinsecurely,smoothingherotherhandoverIsla’shead
beforeclosingthedoor.

Christie’sparentshadreturnedtoAustraliatocontinuetheirtravelsseveralweeksagoandChristie

wasslowlyadjustingtocaringforIslaandthecontractingwork,whichwasgraduallyincreasingin
volume.NowshewaslookingforwardtothelunchshehadbeeninvitedtobyVanessa,oneofLisa’s
friends.Christiehadacceptedimmediately,wantingtomeetmorepeople,writingdownthedetailsofthe
smallwineryshehadnotheardofbefore.Atleastit’snotBlake’swinery.Shehadtriedtoignorethe
smallvoiceinsidehercontinuingtoremindheraboutBlake,Blakewhohadnotcontactedhersince
walkingoutofthehospitalroomthatfinaltime.

Iwanttomeetpeople,Christierecitedtoherself.Ican’tturninvitationsdownjustbecauseBlake

mightbethere.I’lljusthavetodealwithitifheis.It’sbeenalmostthreemonthsafterall.Sheshook
herheadasshethoughtbacktohisabruptarrivalatthehospitalafterhernightmare.Andthen,nothing.
RegretanduncertaintycoursedthroughChristieassheagaintriedtorationalisewhathadoccurred.

Icouldn’tcopewithfriendship,shethoughtnowasshewalkedintothewinerywithIsla.Nottheway

Istillfeelabouthim.Andthatwasallhewasoffering.Orafling.He’sneversaidanythingabouta
realrelationship.AndhethinksIdon’ttrusthim,wouldn’tlistentome.Ifonly…Christie’sinternal
musingcontinuedasshewalkedovertoalargetable,seeingshewasoneofthelasttoarrive.Vanessa
calledouttoher,clearlypleasedtoseeher,exclaimingoverIsla,introducinghertoothersaroundthe
table.ChristiesmiledacrossthetableatLisawhogrinnedbackather,commentingonIsla.

Christiewasimmediatelysweptupinconversationwiththecouplenexttoher,relaxing,enjoying

beingoutsocially.Therewereacoupleofextrachairsattheotherendofthetablebutreally,Christie
thought,whatarethechances.ShestartedtalkingtoJames,Vanessa’stwinbrotherontheothersideof
her,realisinghewasanarchitect.Christie’seyessparkledasshebecameincreasinglyanimated,her
naturalconfidencesurfacingastheydiscusseddesign.

Laughing,ChristiefollowedJames’recommendationonthewinesheshouldorder,jokingwithhimas

heorderedaglassforeachofthem.

“Sorrytogetheresolate,Vanessa,James.”Blake’svoicecutacrossherlaughter;Christiestared,

frozen,asBlakegaveVanessaasocialkissonthecheek,shookJames’hand.SeeingBlakeagain,his
magneticpresence,hisdarkeyes,madeChristiefeelfaintwithphysicalshock.Desireresurfaced,started
toclimbherspine,bringingaflushtoherfaceasshedesperatelytriedtocomposeherself.Leaningdown,
shecheckedonIsla,tryingtobuymoretime,painfullyconsciousofBlakegenerallygreetingthetable,the
scrapeofchairsashecourteouslypulledoutachairforhiscompanionbeforeseatinghimself.

Christiestraightenedupinherchair,barelymanagingtojoinintheconversationaroundher.James

obviouslywantedtocontinuediscussingdesign;Christiecouldbarelyfocusonhiswell-informed
commentsasshegraduallybroughtherselfundercontrol.SheglancedatBlakeoutofthecornerofher
eye;noticedhewasorderingwineforhimselfandforhiscompanion,astunningblonde.Jealousyripped
throughChristie,followedbyregret.

Thiswasgoingtohappensoonerorlater,shethoughttoherself.I’vegottomakethebestofit.She

leanedovertocheckonIslaagain,adjustingherblanketasanexcusetogivehermoretimetopullherself
together.Iwanttomeetmorepeople,shethought.That’swhyI’mhere.Knowingshecouldnot
reasonablyspendanymoretimecheckingonIsla,Christiestraightenedupagain,callingonallofher
strength.

“IsIslaokay?”SheclosedhereyesbrieflyassheheardBlake’squestion,thehintofamusementinhis

voice.Heknows,shethoughtbleakly.

“Yes,she’sfine.Thankyou,”shesaid,hereyessnapping,contradictingheroverlypolitetone.
“She’sfine,isshe?”Blakerepeated,clearlyreferringtoherpreviousassurancesatthehospital.

Christienoddedautomatically,noticingBlake’scompanionwatchingher.Blakesaidnothingfurther;
Christiefixedapoliteexpressiononherface,turningbacktotalktoJames.

Overlunch,ChristietalkedtoJamesindetail,realisinghowmuchshehadmissedhercareer,telling

himaboutthecontracting.OthersatthetableaskedquestionsaboutIsla;onefriendofLisa’sevenasked
toholdher,asdidLisa.Christieansweredtheirquestions,pleasedtobemakingfriends,beinagroupof
people.ShecouldhearBlaketalkingtoothersaroundhimatthetable,heardthelaughterfromVanessa
andherfriendsashemadeaquickjokeaboutsomethingshehadcommentedon.

IntenselyawareofBlake,Christiewasstilldeterminedtogetthroughthelunch,notloseher

composure.Shecouldnotstandtolookathiscompanion,wonderingwhoshewas,torturingherselfwith
regretseachtimesheglanceddowntocheckonIsla.

Shortlyafterthemealhadbeencleared,Christiecouldstanditnolongerbutknewshecouldhardly

leavethewineryabruptlywithoutseemingrude.QuietlygettingLisa’sattention,gesturingtoIsla,Christie
leftthetable,headingacrosstherestaurant,wantingtogivetheimpressionshewasinsearchofthe
restroom.Shewalkeddownthecorridor,sawadoorleadingoutside.Suddenlydesperatetobeoutsidein
thefreshair,Christiepusheditopen,retreatingafteronlyacoupleofminutesastheicyairswirled
aroundher.

I’llstaylonger,shetoldherself.I’llorderacoffee,talktoJamesandbepolite.Shehadfoundthe

peopleseatedaroundhertobefriendly,easytotalkto,didnotwanttosabotageoneofthefirstinvitations
shehadreceivedtogooutsociallysinceIsla’sbirth.

Christiewalkedbacktothetable,keepinghereyesfocusedonheremptychair.Shetensedasshe

approachedthetable,realisedIsla’scarseatwasempty.

“It’sokay,Christie.”
SheheardLisa’svoice,lookedather,frowning.“Where’sIsla?”
“Here.”Christielookeddownthetable,realisingwithparalysingshockthatBlakehadspoken,was

holdingIsla.Islawhowasnowwideawakeaftersleepingthroughlunch,lookingatthepeoplearoundthe
table,herblueeyestryingtofocusonthecoloursandunfamiliarfaces.“Thanks,”shesaidautomatically.
“ButIcantakeher.”

“Shestartedtocry,”Blake’scompanionsaidhelpfully.“ButBlakepickedherup,andshewasfine.”

Unabletohelpherself,ChristielookedatBlakebriefly,sawhiseyesflashwithamusementatthe
description.

InwardlycursingIsla’stiming,drawnagainstherwilltotheimageofIslainBlake’sarms,Christie

smiledweakly.“Lookslikeshe’sfinethen.”Shesankintoheremptychair,knowingshecouldhardly
createascene,demandBlakereturnIslatoherwithoutembarrassingthemboth.

Christiepassedthenextthirtyminutesinadaze,continuingtomakepoliteconversationwiththose

aroundher,sippinghercoffeeautomatically.ShehadmadeonefurtherattempttoretrieveIsla;Blakehad
lookeddownthetable,shruggedcasually.“She’sfinehere,Christie.”Christiehadseenthedangerous
glitterinhiseyes,knownhewasteasingher.

Now,shesetdownhercoffeecupasshesawpeoplepreparingtoleave,relievedshecouldgowithout

causingcomment.“Maybewecouldcatchupforacoffeesometime,Christie?Whereareyouliving;
somewhereclosetoQueenstown?”ChristieturnedtoJames,politelyexplainingwheretheapartmentwas,
herheartpoundingassheregisteredthatJameswasaskingherout,albeitcasually.Shetriedtoformulate
aresponse,realitycrashingoverherassheacknowledgedthatJameswasnotBlake.

“Actually,cometothinkofit,I’vegotafewbigprojectsonatthemoment.ButI’llstayintouch.”

Open-mouthed,ChristielistenedtoJames’awkwardretractionofhisownsuggestion,sawhimflush
slightlyasheglanceddownthetableatIsla.Christie’sfaceburned.LikeJamesdidn’talreadyknowI
hadIsla,shethought.Shewaswithmefortheentirelunch.Still,Isupposeit’sbetterhebacksoutnow.
AndI’mhardlyreadytomeetsomeoneelseanyway,sheacknowledgedtoherself,rememberingher
reactiontoseeingBlakeagain.

ChristieshruggedtoherselfasJamesmovedawaytotalkwithotherfriends.Shereacheddowntopick

upIsla’semptycarseat,fixinganeutralexpressiononherfaceasshepreparedtogetIsla,makepolite
conversationwithBlakeinfrontofhiscompanionandthenleave.Sheturned,almostwalkingintoBlake,
tensedautomaticallyasshestoppedherselfjustintime.“Lookingforsomeone?”

“Yes.Isla,”Christiespokepointedly,tryingtoremaincalm,ignoringthewavesofdesirethatonly

intensifiednowthatBlakewasstandingsoclosetoher.Memoriessweptthroughhermind,endingwith
therecollectionofhisresoundingsilencesincehehadleftherroomatthehospital.Seeingherinfant
daughtersocompletelysettledinBlake’sarmsfurtherunnervedChristie;heseemedcompletely
comfortableholdingher.

Sheglancedaway,sawtheblondgirlwhohadarrivedwithBlakepayingatthecounter.Christie

turnedbacktoBlake,herheartpounding.“Thanksforlookingafterher,Blake,”shesaid,reachingfor
Isla.“You’llbewantingtogetgoingnow.”Shewasrelievedtohearhervoicewasnatural,evenfriendly.

Christiesaidnothingfurther,frustratinghim.Seeingheragainwaslikeapunchinthestomach;seeing

Isla,howmuchshehadgrownhadmadehimcatchhisbreath.HearingChristie’svoice,followingher
spiriteddiscussionwithothersatthetablehadmadehimtense.HerconversationwithJameshadnotbeen
onehecouldjoin,makinghimfeelexcludedasheheardthetwoofthemtalkaboutarchitecture,design,
conceptshecouldonlyrelatetobecauseofthehomehewasbuilding.

BlakehadsensedtheothermanwasinterestedinChristie,hadbeenworriedandthenrelievedashe

hadoverheardtheendoftheconversation.Thedecisionhehadmademonthsagoflashedthroughhismind
asherealisedwithbitterhumourexactlywhyJameshadreversedhimself.

Atleastthatbuysmetime…timeItookforgranted,Blakethought,tryingtoignoretheinsistentvoice

ofhisconscienceremindinghimofthewayhehadsimplyleftChristieatthehospital.Ishouldnever
haveletthingsgettothis.HelookeddownatIslainhisarms,thinkingofthelasttimehehadseenher,
replayingtheabsolutedespairhehadfeltwhenChristieagainrefusedhishelp.

Hisresultingdecisiontosimplynotvisitheragain,madeinthehospitalcarparkthatnight,hadnot

givenhimamoment’speaceashefoundhimselfmissingChristie,hersparklingblueeyes,herquickwit,
herintelligencethatmatchedhisown.Thenthedreamshadstarted,dreamswherehismindreplayedthe
nightChristiehadstayedathiscottage,thesensationofhertouch,herreactiontohisembrace,hiskisses.
Thewayshelookedathimwhentheysharedajoke.Thewaysheunderstoodhim.Dreamsalwaysending
withtheharshrealityofherfailuretotrusthim,tobringhimintoherlife.

AndthenhehadwonderedaboutIsla,oneafternoonalmostguiltilyflickingthroughthebabybookshe

hadpurchasedinthatlongagosurgeofoptimism,tryingtoimagineIslagrowing,theminiaturesapphire
eyesbecomingmorealert.HelookedatIslanow,realisingshewouldbeclosetoproperlyfittingthepale
greenoutfitChristiehadadmiredandhehadpurchasedasagiftinDunedin.

Ireallygambled,Blakethoughtnow.Insomanyways…andshestillwouldn’tletmestayand

supporther,wouldn’tletmebeinvolved.Andyet…

“I’llwalkouttothecarwithyou,”heheardhimselfsay.
Christiestilled,herheartpounding.Desiresnakedthroughher,desireshecouldonlykeepaway

throughamassiveeffortofwill.Shenoddedslightly,suddenlyunabletolookathim.“I’lljustgoand
pay,”shesaidquietly.

“Noneed,”Blakesaidbriefly.
Christieclosedhereyesforamoment.“Icanpaymyownway,Blake,”shesaid,herprideflaring.

“Youdon’tneedtokeeprubbingyourwealthinmyface.“Immediately,Christiecoloured,realisinghow
unfairhercommentwas.Shesawhisfacecloseover,asuddenflashofanxietyinhiseyes.Shespoke
immediately,apologising,tryingtoexplain.“It’sdifficultsometimes,rememberinghowmuchmoneyI
wastedinthepast,andnowhavingtothinktwice…Iwantedtocomeouttolunchtoday…I’vegotan
incomenow,but—”

Christiebrokeoff,realisingherwordswerebecomingdisjointed.“Thankyou,Blake,”shefinished

weakly.

Heremainedsubdued.I’veoffendedhim,Christiethought,realisinghowtactlessshehadbeen.I

shouldjusttellhernow,Blakethought.Shestilldoesn’ttrustme.She’llfindoutanywayfromsomeone
elseandthen…Heshuthismindtoherreaction,lookeddownagainatIsla.Christieunlockedhercar,
strappinginIsla’scarseat,fumblingwiththeseatbelt,ableonlytothinkofBlake,knowinghewas
standingrightthere.

Sheturnedaround,feelingthewarmthofBlake’sbodyasshescoopedIslaoutofhisarms.Flustered,

ChristiefastenedIslasecurelyinthecarseat,shutthedoorassheturnedbacktoBlake.Hehadnot
moved,wasstillstandingclosetothecar.

Christielookedupathim,hisfaceunusuallyserious,hisdarkeyesintentonher.Shefeltasthoughshe

wasdrowning,wasnotevenconsciousofmovingclosertoBlake,slidingherarmsaroundhim,pressing
herselfagainsthim,thewarmthofhisbodyprotectingherfromtheicywind.Christietiltedherhead,
sensingBlakekissingherface,hermouth,herthroat,hishandsstartingtomoveoverherbody.

SheheardBlakemurmurhername;histonebroughttearstohereyesassheclungtohim,notwanting

toletgo.Acutelyattunedtohiscloseness,shewasuncomfortablyunawareBlakewaspullingaway,had
stoppedkissingherashespoke.

“Ionlypaidforthingstohelpyou,Christie.Nottomakeyoufeel—”hepaused,“—obligated,orto

remindyou…IpaidforthingsbecauseIwantedto.”Shenodded,tremblingslightly,hopinghewouldthink
itwasthecold,noticinghisuseofthepasttense,herheartsinking.Rejectionfloodedthroughher;she
tensedmiserablyashecontinuedspeaking.“Idon’twantyoutothinkthatI—”

“What?”Christieburstoutfuriously,embarrassedthathehadstoppedwhatshehadstarted.“That

you’drathertalkthan…”Tearsathisrejectionfilledhereyes;humiliated,shewipedthemaway.“Areal
southernman,”shesaidsarcastically.

Blakeignoredthehurtbeneathhertone;flushedwithsuddenanger.“Willyoujustlisten?”hesaid,

furiouswithhernow,futilelytryingtoconvincehimselfheregrettedtalkingtoher.Admitit,youcan’t
stayaway,hethoughttohimself.Andnowthere’sJames…

Christieglaredupathim,hereyesbrightwithmingledtearsandanger.Blakelookedintohereyesand

waslostintheirbluedepths.Withasilentcursehetightenedhisgriparoundher,pressingheragainstthe
sideofthecar,kissingherwithsuchpassion,suchstrength,Christie’ssensesswam.

Again,Blakepulledaway,hisexpressionstillangry,guarded.Christiewasspeechlessasdesireand

angerrippledthroughher,stillstrugglingwithherfeelings,Blake’shesitationandthen…Allshecould
thinkofwasBlake’smouthonhers,hiskisses,hisbodyagainsthers.Christiegazedupathim,seeingthe
emotioninhiseyes.

Withoutanotherword,Blakestrodeaway;Christieheardtheslamofhiscardooracrossthecarpark.

Shestoodthereforseveralminutes,finallynoticingtheicytemperature,gettingintothecarasifina
dream.

ChapterEighteen

BlakewalkedintothepopularstoreincentralQueenstown,knowinghewouldbecuttingitfinefor

Brenda’sbirthdayparty.Althoughthingswereresolvedbetweenthem,thethoughtofattendingthe
birthdaylunchandtheknowledgethatBrendahadalsoinvitedhisparentswasenoughtoputhimonedge.
HehadrealisedalmostimmediatelythatBrendawouldhavealsoinvitedChristie;triedtoprepare
himselfforherpresence.

ThebookstoreBlakehadfirstgoneintotochooseacardonlyseemedtocontainflowerycards;nothing

seemedappropriate.ThenhehadhitontheideaofgettingBrendaagiftforherkitchen,hadwalkedinto
thisshop,seenaselectionofplaingiftcardswithrelief.Twobirdswithonestone,hethoughttohimself,
realisinghowmuchhedislikedshopping,tryingtoignorethecontrarymemoryofthehoursthathadflown
byshoppingwithChristieinDunedin.

Idon’tknowwhatChristiewantedinthewinerycarparktheotherday,Blakethoughttohimselfas

hewalkedbackoutontothefootpathwithhispurchase,stillfuriouswithhisownlossofcontrol,his
inabilitytosimplyignoreher,walkaway.Christie’spublicreluctancetoallowhimanytimewithIsla
alsostung;hecouldn’thelpcomparinghereagernesstoretrieveIslafromhisarmstoherlaughing
agreementtoothersatthetableshebarelyknewwantingtoholdherdaughter.Won’ttalktome,doesn’t
trustmewithIslaandthenthrowsherselfatme,hethoughtcynically,ignoringhisownhurtatthe
situation.

“Blake,isn’tit?How’severythinggoing?HowareChristieandIsla?”Blakeswungaroundabruptly,

unnerved.HerealisedthatthedoctorwhohadhelpedChristiegivebirthwasalsoonthefootpath,had
stoppedtotalktohim.

Hesmiledpolitely.“They’regoingwell,thanks.Isla’sgrowing.Isawthemboththeotherday.”The

doctorwatchedhim,herheadtiltedperceptively.

Blakekeptthepolitesmileonhisface,preparingtokeepwalking,surprisedasthedoctorkeptthe

conversationgoing.“Christiementionedatanearliercheck-upthatyouweren’therpartner,thatshe
wouldberaisingthebabyalone.”Blakeshrugged,takenabackbythedoctor’sbluntness.“Shewasn’t
sureifshe’dhaveasupportperson,insistedondrawingupthemostdetailedbirthplanI’veseenina
while.”

“Icanimagine,”Blakesaid,thinkingofChristie’sconstantneedtobeincontrol,tohaveevery

eventualitycovered,wonderingwhythedoctorwasmentioningthistohim.

“Sheeveninsistedonpre-signingconsentformsforanepidural.”Blakenodded,waitingforthedoctor

tocometothepoint,hisheartlurchingpainfullyasthedoctor’swordsremindedhimofbeingwith
Christieduringherlabour.

“Ofcourse,Iwouldhavestoppedanyway,buthowdidyouknowexamscanbemoreuncomfortable

duringacontraction?Andthatanepiduralcanonlybegivenatacertainstage?”

“Igrewuponafarm,”Blakesaidcarefully.“Thatdoesn’texplainallofit,”thedoctorobserved

wryly.“Youevenaskedabouttheepiduralstrength.Andrecoverytimes.”Caught,Blakelookedaway.
“I’dbeendoingafairbitofreadingonline,gotsomebooks,”hesaidinalowvoice.“Aboutpregnancy,
givingbirth.”

“Well,IcouldtellChristiewasanextremelyintelligentwoman.Butwithalltheplanningshe’ddoneI

wasabittakenabackwithwhatshesaidtomeduringlabour.Idon’toftenseethattypeofabsolutetrust,
evenbetweenpartners.ButIhavetosaysheobviouslyknewwhatshewasdoing.”

Blakelookedatthedoctor,swallowinghard.“Whatdidshetellyou?”heasked,hisvoiceraw.The

doctorcarriedontalkingasthoughshehadn’theardhim.“Andthelevelofsupportyoushowed,youknew
exactlywhattosayanddo,stayedcalmyourself,keptChristiecalm.Welldone.”

“Thankyou,”Blakesaidautomatically.“But…whatdidshesay?”

“Shetoldmetolistentoyou,”thedoctorsaidsimply.“Tokeeptheplaninthebackofmymind,but

shegaveyouabsoluteauthoritytomakeanydecisionsnecessary.Forherorthebaby.”

Shocked,Blakecouldonlylookatthedoctorsilently,hismindwhirlingasherealisedwhatthedoctor

hadsaid.ThatChristiehadtrustedhimnotonlytomakecriticaldecisionsduringlabouronherown
behalf,butalsoinrelationtoIsla,thepreciousinfantChristielovedsomuch.“Thankyou,”hesaid
eventually,hopesoaringthroughhim.

Thedoctorpausedassheturnedtowalkintotheshop,smiledatBlake.“Peoplealwayssaydoctors

haveatendencytoplayGod.”

—#—

BrendawalkedacrosstheloungetowardsBlake,stillradiatingtheconfidenceandhappinessthathad

beensoevidentwhenshehadgreetedChristieearlier.Watchingher,Christiecaughtherbreathpainfully,
memoriesfloodingback.Brenda’sadifferentpersonnow,Christiethought,rememberingtheslightlysad,
quietwomanshehadfirstmetonlyin

January.ChristiehadhardlyexpectedBlaketoattend,hadknownshecouldnotaskBrendaorLisa

aboutwhetherhehadbeeninvited,hadknownsheherselfhadnoalternativebuttoacceptBrenda’s
invitationtothisbirthdaylunch.

Brenda’sheightwasonlyemphasisedbythehighheelsandperfectlycuttrousersshewore,herglossy

darkhairfallingtotheshouldersofherflatteringlongsleevedtop.AsChristiewatched,Brendalooked
towardsherbriefly,herdarkeyessparkling,hersmileflashingassheacknowledgedChristiebefore
reachingBlake.ChristiesawBlake’sfacelightup,hisdarkeyesmeetingBrenda’sashehuggedher,
handingherabeautifullywrappedgift,gesturingtothebottlesofwinehehadplacedonthebreakfastbar.
Inthoseheelsshe’salmostastallasBlakeis,Christiethought,shakingherheadslightlyasBrenda
exclaimedoverthegift,clearlythrilledtoseeBlake,hersmileoneofpurehappiness.

ChristiethoughtbacktotheargumentshehadheardbetweenBlakeandBrenda.Thatseemsalifetime

ago,Christiethoughtwonderingly,rememberingBlakedroppingheroffafterlunchwithhisparents.A
memorytuggedather,amemoryofBrendatalkingtoBlakeinthehospital.

Uncomfortably,ChristiethoughtofthewordsshehadflungatBlakeafterIslawasborn,wordsshehad

neverreallytriedtotalktohimabout,makeamendsfor.Suddenlynervous,Christiefalteredbefore
bringingherselfbackundercontrolassherealisedBlake’sparents—andRebeccaandherhusband—had
alsoarrived.ChristieknewBlakehadseenher,sawtherecognitioninhiseyesastheybrieflyfixedon
herbeforeheturnedtohisparents.

Christiebitterlyregrettedherrashwordsatthehospital,herrashactionsinlookingthroughhisphone,

thinkingbacktothatmorningatthecottage.Acknowledgingwithaterriblefinalitythatshestillloved
Blake,despiteeverything.Itdoesn’tmattertome,shethoughtbrokenly.Itjustdoesn’tmatter,butwhy
couldn’thetellmeanyway…Becauseitmatteredtohim,sherealised.Christiethoughtbackagaintothe
lunchatBlake’swinery,to

Brendaleavingthehospitalearly,tothelookinBlake’seyesashewatchedChristiewithherown

parents.Envy,sherealisednow.

Iwanttotry.Fromdeepinherheartcamethethought,fillingherwithsuddendeterminationevenas

sherepeatedittoherself.ThenatleastI’llknowforcertain.AnditwillbeeasiertofaceBlakesocially
knowingthetruth.Maybeit’snottoolate…

Hecouldjustwantafling,Christiethought.Ornothing,sherealised,acutelyawareofthewayshe

hadhurthim,unabletoforgethisfraternal,teasingapproach;foreveryromanticgesturetherewasequally
ablunt,brotherlycounterpoint.Ihaven’theardfromhimsincethatlunchatthewinery…butwhat
encouragementdidIreallygivehim?Christieaskedherself,herheadbowedasshethoughtofher

continualrejectionofBlake.Isitreallyanywonderhefinallycuthislosses?

IntrudingonChristie’sthoughtscametheloudcommentsofanothergroupofguests,clusteredcloseto

thetablewhereBrendahadstartedtoplacefood.Christietensedassherealisedthesubjectoftheir
discussion,focusedaroundacurrentaffairsprogrammeChristieknewfromadvertisementshadbeenon
eveningtelevisionrecently.Oneoftheguestswasparticularlycuttingaboutapersonthathadbeen
interviewedaspartofareporter’sinvestigation.Christie’sheartached,suddenlyacknowledgingherown
hurtpaledinthefaceoftherealdistressthatsuchunthinkingwordscouldcause,realisingthatBrenda
wasclosebyinthekitchen,andBlake…

Blakeflinchedasheheardthewoman’sloud,judgmentalcomments,fellsilent,allofhisprevious

insecuritiesfightingtosurface.HeknewthatBrendahadbeenpleasedtoseehimandhewasenjoying
himselfhere;despitehisdoubts,herfamilyhadwelcomedhim,seemedhappythathewaspresent.And
Christie…Memoriesofherdistressatthelongagohospitalcheck-updraggedhimawayfromhisown
situation;heknewChristiewouldalsoinevitablyhaveheardthecomments.Likemostoftheroom,he
thoughtwryly,animageofIslaflashingthroughhishead.

TryingtocoverhisemotionBlakeswungaround,suddenlyunabletobearevenlisteningtotherugby

conversationhehadbeenanactiveparticipantinonlymomentsbefore.Evenashescannedtheroomfor
Christie,Blakerealisedshewasstandingnexttohim,lookingupathim.

“Andwhat’sworse,thebabywouldthenhavetohaveformula,”Blakesaid,tryingtojoke,hisown

emotionalmostoverpoweringhim.Toolate,herealisedChristiewouldbeabletoseestraightthroughhis
attemptathumour,noticedtheconcernonherface.Hetriedagain.“Christie,nooneknowswhatit’slike
tohavetomakethatdecisionunless—”

“Iknowthat,Blake,”Christiesaidclearly.“AndIdecidedtokeepIslaanyway.ButIthinkyoushould

goandtalktoBrenda.Shelooksupset.”StunnedbythestrengthinChristie’stone,herperception,Blake
lookedtowardsthekitchen,sawBrendaleaningoverthecounter,hershouldershunched.Helookedback
atChristie,triedtospeak,findingitsuddenlyimpossible.

—#—

ChristiewatchedasBlakemovedquicklyacrosstheloungetothekitchen,leaningcasuallyagainstthe

pantry,obviouslytalkingtoBrenda.DoubtfilledChristieasshewonderedifshehaddonetherightthing.
Blakemightnotappreciatebeingtoldwhattodo…Aruefulsmilelitherfaceassheacknowledged
Blakedefinitelywouldnotappreciatebeingtoldwhattodo,especiallynotaboutsomethingsopersonal.
Christiesilentlyshruggedtoherself,knowingitwastoolatetochangewhatshehaddone,thinkingwith
blackhumourthatBlakecouldhardlythinkworseofherafterherearlierbehaviour,thelackoftrustshe
haddemonstratedtimeandtimeagain.

NowhermindsnappedbacktoIslaasshebegantofret;automatically,Christiebegantocomforther,

tryingtosootheIsla’sincreasinglyloudcrying.Christiesawotherguestsmoveovertothebuffetlunch,
decidingtowait,knowingshecouldhardlyleaveIslainthisstate.Shelookedaroundassomeonespoke,
realisingwithastartthatBlake’smotherwasstandingthere,askingifshecouldhelpwithIsla.

BlakestoppedabruptlyashesawhismotherapproachChristie,watchedthembothtryingtosettleIsla.

Hewishedhecouldheartheirconversation,debatedjoiningthem.Instead,hewalkedtowardsthebuffet,
anideaforminginhismind.

ChristielookedupasBlakestoodinfrontofher,holdingaheapedplateoffood,watchingashe

placeditonthecoffeetablenexttothesofa.“I’lltakeher,Christie,thenyouandMumcangetsome
food.”

“Ifthere’sanyleft,”hismothersaid,smilingasshestoodup,glancingathisplate.Blakesatdownnext

toChristieashismotherwalkedacrosstheroomtowardsthebuffettable.StunnedatBlake’scasual

words,hislackofreferencetoBrendaoranythingthathadjustoccurred,Christiewasmomentarilysilent.
ShelookedatBlake,suddenlythinkingofthelasttimetheyhadseeneachother.“I’lljuststayherewith
Islauntilshesettles,”shesaidlamely,unabletoeventhinkoffoodnowthatBlakewassittingnexttoher.

“Noworries,then,”hesaidequably.“Youcansharemyplate.”Herheartpounding,Christiesatback,

stillholdingIsla,realisingBlakehadgotextrafooddeliberately.Somewelcomesteelstraightened
Christie’sspine.Iwilltalktohim,shethought.IwanttoknowwhereIstand.OtherwiseI’lltorture
myselfeverytimeIseehim.Filledwithsuddenresolve,sheturnedtohim.

“Actually,Blake,wouldyoumindkeepinganeyeonIslawhileIgetadrink?”Shefoundhiseyes,held

themwithhergaze,sawtheflashofemotion.

“I’llgetyouadrinkifyouwantone,”Blakesaidafterabriefhesitation,tryingtomaintainacasual

tone,hearingtherowdyechoofthatlongagonightatthepub.

Instantly,Christiesawthereplysheneededtomake.“EitherwayItrustyou,Blake,”shesaid,thankful

hervoiceechoedthesincerityshefelt.Shesawhisfacechange,thesparklereturntohiseyes.Shesmiled
athim,ahintofmischiefinherexpression.“Thereseemedtobepinotnoir,”Christiecontinued
innocently.“Idon’tknowmuchaboutthewinery,butthelabellookedgood.”

Hope,realhope,soaredthroughBlake.“Fishingforcompliments,arewe?”hesaidsoftly,hiseyes

warm.Tohim,Christie’sgenuinegrinlitupherfaceasherincredibleblueeyessparkledwithmirth.

Shewatchedhimwalkovertothedrinks,relieffloodingthroughher.MaybeIcanreallytalktohim,

shethought,hopeflaringasshereplayedhiswords.Blakehastilypouredaglassofpinotnoirfromoneof
theadvancebottlesofthecurrentharvesthehadbroughttotheparty,wantingtoreturntoChristie.Images
fromthelastseveralmonthscrashedthroughhismindashegrabbedabeerforhimself,hisheartpounding
ashethoughtbacktoadecisionhehadmademonthsago,impulsiveandyetsosimple.Atthetime.A
decisionthathadseemedsoobvious,soclearcut,andyet…Hehadnotbeenpreparedfortherushof
emotion,fortheconsequencesofhisactions.

HeandLisacouldn’tnotbefriends,weresosimilar,butnow…HecouldseeBrenda,talkingtohis—

mother.AndhecouldseeLisatalkingtoRebecca.Heshookhisheadslightly.Clearly,Lisawasmaking
aneffort;hewasawareshewasonlyeverpolitetoRebeccafortheirfamilies’sake.Familiesthathad
suddenlybecomesomuchcloseroncehehadtalkedtoBrenda,sortedthingsoutwithhisparents.

Justthenhisfatherwalkedpastthedrinkstable,smiled.“Changedyourmindaboutthetaste,have

you?”

Blakelookedathimforamoment,thengrinned,realisinghisfatherwasreferringtothesipofbeerhe

hadoncecheekilytakenfromhisfather’spintasachild.“Yeah,wellatleastI’vegotmyownbeernow.”

Blake’sgazefellonChristieandIsla,suddenlycertainofthewayforward.Decisively,hestartedto

walkbacktothesofa,handedChristietheglassofwine.“How’sIslagoing?”heasked,realisinghow
muchhewantedtoknowwhileinwardlycursingthepredictablequestion.“Themonitor…theformula?”

Christiesmiled.“She’sfine.”Hereyessparkledwithmischiefbeforebecomingserious.“There’ve

beennoproblems,thankfully.AtleastthemonitorhasmeantIdon’tworrysomuch.Imean,Idoworry,
but—”

“Peaceofmind,”Blakeinterrupted,understandingwhatshemeant.
Christienodded,tookadeepbreath.“Thankyouforthat,Blake.Forallyourhelpatthehospital.My

parentsarrived,Ididn’treallygetachancetothankyou.”Shelookedathim.“Iwassorelievedwhenyou
saidyou’dstaywhenIwasinlabour.”

Hemethergaze,amazedathersuddenopenness.“Iwasrelievedwhenyouaskedmetostay,”hesaid

simply.

ChristielookeddownatIslaquickly,unabletobelieveBlake’sreply.Asurgeofconfidencefilledher.

“Ithoughtyoudidn’twanttostay,”shesaidquietly.“YousworewhenI…”Shestoppedashestarted
laughing.Heleanedcloser,whisperingtoher.Christieblushed,swattingBlake’sarmplayfullyashe

confidedwhathehadbeenthinking.“Nowyou’retheonefishingforcompliments,”shecouldn’tresist
saying,wasrewardedbyalookthattookherbreathaway.

Christie’sfacebecameserious.“Ishouldn’thavelookedatyourphone,”shesaidbluntly.“Idon’t

knowwhatcameoverme,becauseIdotrustyou.”

Blakesmiledather.“Iknow.”Christietiltedherhead,wonderingwhathadmadeBlakerealise.She

wasabouttoaskjustasshesensedaguestapproachingthesofa,heardBlake’spleasantgreeting.Christie
smiledpolitelyasBlakeintroducedhertotheolderman,realisinghewasBrenda’sfather,thathe
obviouslyhadnotseenBlakeformanyyears.

Eventually,Christieexcusedherself,wantingtomixabottleofformulaforIsla.Lisasawher,offered

hertheuseofaguestbedroomifsheneededitforIsla.Smiling,Christiethankedher.“Ofcourse,you
mightwanttostayonthesofa,”Lisacontinued.“EvenRebecca’ssaidsomething.”Christiekeptsmiling,
herfaceradiantasshereturnedtoBlake,whowasholdingIslaandstilltalkingtoBrenda’sfather.Ithink
IwillgointotheguestroomtofeedIsla,shethought,smilingtoherselfasshethoughtofLisa’scheeky
comment.

OnlyhalflisteningtotheconversationChristiesearchedinherbagforabib,turnedtotakeIslafrom

Blake.“SoBrendasaysyou’relivingbytheShotovernow,”theelderlymancommented.“Sellthat
lakefrontapartment,didyou?”Christiefroze,watchingBlake’sreaction.Sheclosedhereyes
convulsively,hearingBlake’sreplyasiffromagreatdistance.It’srentedout,shethoughtwithrelief,
wonderingwhyBlakehadnevermentionedit.Unless…

“Mustbegettingagoodrentalthen.IrememberBrendasayingithadabigwindowlookingrightoutto

thelake,”Brenda’sfathercontinued,mentioningthebuildingitwasin.Christiecouldn’tbreathe,went
ontoautopilot,theknowledgeofhowmuchBlakehadhelpedherfillingher.Sheautomaticallyreached
forIsla,tremblingasherhandsbrushedBlake’sbody.Notlookingathim,Christieboltedfortheguest
bedroom.Ididn’tknow,shethought.Ineverevendreamed.

Sherecalledtheparalysinganxietyshehadfeltwhenherpregnancywasconfirmed,theterrorabout

whereshewouldlive,findingarentshecouldafford.AndIalwaysrefusedhishelp,shethoughtbitterly.
Thenhestepsinanonymouslyanddoestheonethingthathelpsmethemost.Shamefilledheratthe
wayshehadbehavedtowardshim,notknowingitwashimratherthanLisawhowasinfactthekeytothe
housesittingarrangement.It’sawonderIwasn’tevicted,shethought,thinkingofhercrazyaccusations
aboutBlakeandLisa,herharshcommentsabouthiswealth.

MomentaryangerflashedthroughChristieasshewishedBlakehadofferedittoheropenly,hating

subterfuge,secrecy,recallinghisreticenceabouthiswineryinterests.LikeIcouldaffordthatrental
anyway,shethought,shakingherhead.Inaflashofinsight,sheknewshewouldhaveturneddownhis
helpinanycase,regardlessofhowdesperatelysheneededit.

AndIwasworriedbecauseBlakedidn’tsayhelovedme.ChristierecalledPaul’sglib,smooth

words,tellingherwhatshewantedtohearbutfailingabsolutelytobackuphiswordswithany
meaningfulaction.

BycontrastshecouldreeloffendlessexamplesofBlake’scontinualsupportinapracticaland

emotionalsense.Andphysically,sheaddedsilently,thinkingofthenightathiscottage,stillfeelingan
echoofdesire,evennow,smilingasshethoughtofhiswickedsenseofhumour,hisinterestinherasa
womanandaperson.

Allthatanditstillwasn’tenough,Christiethought,filledwithregret,recognisinghowblindshehad

been.Paul’scriticalobservationofherneedinesshadbeenanexaggeration,shecouldseethatnow,but
hearingithadsentherricochetingtotheoppositeendofthespectrum,herrigidindependenceoverstated
inthefaceofBlake’sconstantoffersofsupport,hisattemptstobecomeinvolved.Andtoorganisethe
apartment…theplanning,thegenerosity.It’snotjustthefinancialcost…it’severythingitrepresents.

SheglanceddownatIsla,feedingfromthebottlesopeacefully.KnowingsheneededtofindBlake.

Knowingwhatshewantedtosay,neededtosay.AmomentlatershelookedupassheheardBlakesayher
name,obviouslytryingtofindher.“Inhere,”shecalledout,hervoicefalteringslightly.Thedoorflew
open;Blakestoodframedinthedoorway.

Herepeatedhername,seemedtohesitate,sawthefainttraceoftearsonherface.“Ididn’twantyouto

know,”Blakesaid,crushingherhopes.HesawChristie’sfacefall,heragonisedeyes,realisedwhatshe
thought.Hetriedagain.“OnlybecauseIwantedyoutomakeupyourownmind,withoutfeeling—”he
searchedfortheword,“—obligated,”hecontinued.Blake’seyesneverleftherface.“Ithoughtayear
wouldbeenoughtime…”Hebrokeoff,chilledbyhersilence,takingastepcloser.

“Enoughtimeformetogetbackonmyfeetfinancially?”Christie’svoicewascareful,flat.
Blakeshookhishead,knowinghecouldnotturnbacknow.“No.EnoughtimeforyoutorealisethatI

loveyou.Andtoseeifyoufeltthesame.”TearsglistenedinChristie’seyes;hastily,Blaketriedto
explain,thinkingshewasupset.“IknowIshouldhavebeenmoresupportivewhenyoutoldmeyouwere
pregnant,Ijust…I’msorry,”hefinishedsimply.

“Moresupportive?”Christierepeatedsoftly.Sheshookherhead,rememberingBlake’suttershockat

hernews.

“I’msorry,Christie,Ishouldhavebeenthereforyou,”hesaidagain.
Christiestoodup,stillholdingIsla.ShewalkedquicklytowardsBlake,needingtobeclosetohim.

“Youwere.Youalwayshavebeen.Idon’tthinkanyonecouldbemoresupportivethanyou.Notjustthe
apartment…”Hervoicetrailedoff;shelookedupathim.

“Thankyou,Blake,”shesaidsimply.“Somuch.Foreverything.Ican’teverrepaywhatyou’vedone.

WhenIrealisedIwaspregnantIfoundastrengthIneverknewIhad.ButInevercouldhavegotthrough
everythingwithoutyou.”

BlakeslidhisarmsaroundChristieassheheldIsla.“SoundslikeI’minwithachancethen,”hejoked,

feelingaweightliftoffhismind,hisheart.

Christiechokedbacklaughterathisirrepressiblesenseofhumour.“Definitely,”shemurmured,tilting

herheaduptomeetBlake’skiss,hereyesfilledwithherloveforhim.“Iloveyou,Blake,”shesaid
softly.Hecontinuedkissingher;shefelthisarmstightenaroundher.

“Betternotforgetourlittlechaperone,”Blakesaideventually,hisvoicedeepwithemotion.
“No,”Christiesaid,reluctanttoleavehisembrace.
“Sowhen’shernextsleep?”hedeadpanned,givingChristieawickedgrin.
“Itmightnotbeforafewhours,”shereplied.“Whydoyouask,Blake?”sheaddedwithmock

innocence.Hetightenedhisembraceagaintowhisperinherear;Christierelaxedagainsthim,faintwith
longing.

“There’stimeforaquicklookaroundthehousethen,”Blakesaideventually.
Christienodded,returningtothebedtocollectIsla’sbottlebeforestraighteningtofaceBlake,

suddenlytroubled,needingtoknowdetails.“Blake,wouldyouhaverentedoutyourapartmentifIhadn’t
movedin?”

Heshookhishead.“Iwaslivingthere,”hesaideasily.“WhenLisasaidyouwereinterestedIjust

movedintothecottage,sworetheneighbourstosecrecy.Andthebuildingmanager.Lisagotfriendsto
pretendtobetheowners,sendyouthee-mailsandtakethephonecalls.”Helookedathercalmlyas
thoughnoneofithadbeentheslightesttrouble.

“Thecottage?”Christieechoed.“Inwinter?”
Blakeshrugged.“I’vestayedincolderplaceshunting,”hesaid.“Ithasafireplace,andIhadheaters

andaduvet.Ortwo,”headded.“Igottheapartmentyearsagoasaninvestment.

It’sgreat,butIpreferthecottage,theoutdoors.Ithoughtofgettingtheapartmentdoneupandsellingit

off.”Hepaused.“Therewereafewclosecallsthough.”

Christieshookherhead,stillamazedatwhathehaddone.“Ineverevenguessed!”

Blakegrinned.“Yeah,well,Ihadtoremembertoaskforyouraddresswhenyourangmethatmorning

whenyouwereinlabour.AndtopressthesecuritybuzzerwhenallIwantedtodowasraceinsidewith
mysparesecuritycard.ThenJameswantedtoaskyouout,butassoonasheheardwhereyouwere
staying,hethoughtweweretogether.”

Blakecouldlaughaboutitnow;evenChristie’smouthquirkedassherealisedhermistakenconclusion

aboutwhyJameswithdrewhisinvitation.“AndasformyparentsandBrenda…”Heshookhishead,still
smiling.“Youwerebusytellingeveryonehowhappyyouweretohavethishousesittingsetup!”Christie
startedlaughing,seeingthefunnysideofwhatBlakewassaying.

Shewalkedbackintothelounge,consciousonlyofBlakecloseby,ofIslanestledinherarms.His

words…therealisationthathelovedherasshelovedhim,thestrengthofhiscommitment,combinedto
fillherheartwithjoy.Shesmiledinwardlyathisquickwit,desireracingthroughherasshethoughtofhis
whisperedwords,hisquestionsaboutIsla’snextsleep.Brendawalkeduptothem;Christiesawshewas
beaming.“Areyoutwoheadingoffnow?Doyouhavetimefordessert?”

“Ofcourse,”Blakesaid,smilingbackather.“Thenwehavetobeoff,becauseIsla’shavingan

afternoonsleep.”Christiecaughtherbreath,hearingtheteasingnoteinBlake’svoice,aimedather,she
knew.ShewalkedwithBlakeovertothebuffet,smiledasshesawhimtakeasliceofchocolatecakeoff
theplatterBrendawasabouttoputdownonthetable;earningagood-naturedreprooffromBrendaas
Blakegrinnedbackather.Hereallyhasworkedthingsout,Christiethought,herheartoverflowingwith
mingledreliefandlove.ShelookeddownatIslaasBlakedrewherovertohisparents.

ChapterNineteen

Asifinadream,Christiemovedintothelight,airyroom,driftedtowardsthepalegreencurtains,

fingeredtherichtexturedfabric,overwhelmedbyherglancesaroundtheroom.Afraidtobreathe,shesaw
abeautiful,oversizedrockingchair,thecolourofthepalewoodsetoffbyplumpcushionsinvarying
shadesofgreen.

Shemovedhesitantlytowardsit,sawthefairytalecompilationbooksittingonacushion,herheart

contractingasshesawtheengravedcoverimageoftheyounggirlintheredcoatgazingatthewolfin
fascination.Christieclosedhereyes,openedthemagain.Thecotwasstillthere,thewoodglowinginthe
wintersun.

Sherecognisedthegrain,therichcolouroftheNewZealandnativewood.Drawntoit,sheranher

handalongtherail,marvellingattheornatedesign,theintricatelycarvedpatternoftheheadboardcarried
throughtothebarsandlegsofthecot.Kauri,sherealised.Thesameastherockingchair.

Unwillingtoletgoofthecot,Christielethergazeroamoverthepalegreenandwhitebedding,thetiny

redcoatandminiaturejeanslaidoutnexttoasturdyopenbackpack.Shetiltedherhead,unsureatfirst
beforesherealiseditcouldbeusedtocarryIslaontramps.

Finally,sheturnedawayfromthecot,herheartpounding,realisingsheneededtofindBlake.Allthis.

Hedidallthis.Forme,forIsla.

Christiestopped,heremotionsoverflowingasshelookedatthewall.MasonBay,shethought,seeing

theaweinspiringbaybroughttolifeintheflawlesslyexecutedmuralthatcoveredtheentirewall,the
mutedcolourstoningwiththerestoftheroom.Christie’seyesmovedoverthetoweringdunes,the
crashingwaves,theendlesssky,thecurveofthesand.Shewassoenthralledwiththeeffectofthemural,
thedetail,thesubtlecoloursshestartedslightlyasBlakeputhisarmsaroundher,hischinrestingonthe
topofherhead.

Christieleanedbackslightly,relaxingintohim,desireracingthroughher.Together,theylookedatthe

mural.“IfeelasthoughI’minadream,”Christiewhispered.

“I’vebeendreamingtoo,”Blakesaidsoftly.
TearscametoChristie’seyesathisresponse.“Inamedherfortheisland,”Christiesaidsoftly.“For

theplaceImetyou.”

“Iknow,”Blakesaid,suddenlyteasingher.
Christiegrinned.“Wecantakeherbacktovisit,”shesaid.
“Onlyifyouletmecarryherinthatbackpack,”heshotback.Christielaughed,turningintohisarms.

Blakebenthisheaddown,kissingherdeeplyastheyclungtogether.Anindignantwailsoundedfromthe
lounge;theymovedapart,laughingatIsla’stiming.

Blakeleftthenursery,quicklyreturningholdingIsla.Christieturnedtohim,noticingIslawasonce

againalmostinstantlysettlinginhisarms.“Blake,thiscot,thechair…I’veneverseenanythinglike
them…”Shelookedaround,movedagaintothecot.“Yourememberedmycommentaboutkauri…about
anornatecot…palegreen.”

“Imadeit,”Blakesaid.“Thecot,Imean.Andthechair’sanantiqueIgotfromtheInternet.Irefinished

itthough.AndIhadthecushionsmade.”Christieheldontothecot,feelingfaintwithemotionasshesaw
thehours,days,weeksofworkthatmusthavegoneintofindingthewoodandcreatingtheintricate,
beautifullyfinishedcot.AndIthoughtIneededhimtosaythewords,shechastisedherselfsilently.

“Christie,aboutIsla…Iwasatherbirth,Ihelpedcutthecord.Iheldher.AndIneverwantyoutothink

Iwouldn’tloveher,justbecauseshe’snotmine.IdidallthisbecauseIloveyou.Sincetheferry.Or
definitelythepub.”Hegrinnedather.“AndIloveIsla.Iwantustobeafamily.”

ChristiefellintoBlake’sarmsasheheldher,heldIsla.“Blake,Iloveyousomuch,”Christie

whispered,tearsofhappinessinhereyes.“Youalwaysunderstandme.”

“LuckyforyouIloveachallenge,”heretorted.
Christiesmiledassheheardtheteasingnoteinhisvoice.“You’reastaunchsouthernman,Blake,”she

replied.“Challengesareeasy.”

Heburstoutlaughing,keepinganarmaroundherastheywanderedaroundthenurserytogether.“I

thoughtyousaidyoudon’tdodesign,colours,”Christiesaid,grinningathim.

“Idon’t,”hereplied.“ButIknewthecolouryouwantedandthewood.Thecotdoesn’tcount,because

thatwasapracticalthing.IamdisappointedIcouldn’tfindacamouflagebedspreadthough.”Again,
Christieheardthelaughterinhisvoiceasshejokinglyrolledhereyes.“Camouflageisgreen,”hesaid,
laughingopenlyagainnow.“AndIdiddesignthecot,”hecontinued.“ButIhavetosay,itwasn’texactly
thesortofthingIcouldgetadviceonfromtheboysatthepub.IgotScotttocomedown,though,andgive
meahandtoassemblethelastpart.”

Christieshookherhead.“Swearhimtosecrecydidyou?”
“Heguessedanyway,”Blakesaid.“OnthedrivebackfromDunedin.Scott’sinvitedusoverforlunch.

Maybewecoulddriveovernextweekend.Iwanttogetadog,thoughtwecouldgetmoreofanideaabout
his.There’salocalbreeder,andI’vechecked,thatbreedissupposedtobegreatwithchildren.Andfor
hunting.”

“Adog?”Christiesaid.“Wecouldgetadoglikethat?”
Blakenodded.“Notforseveralmonths,Ithoughtwe’dfinishthehousefirst,waituntilIsla’sslightly

older.”ChristielookedatIsla,stillinthecrookofBlake’sarm;shewasyawning,abouttogotosleep
again.

Blakefollowedhergaze.“Iwouldsuggestputtinghertobedinhercotandthen…”Hefixedherwith

anintentlook.ChristiecaughtherbreathasshesawtheloveanddesirefillingBlake’seyes.“Butmy
planningdidn’textendtohavingthehousefinished,abedsetup—forus.Therestofthehousehasreally
onlybeengibbed,itstillneedsalotofinteriorwork.AndthecottagemightbeabitcoldforIsla,onaday
likethis.Foranextendedstay.”

DesiresweptthroughChristielikeacrashingwave.SheleanedagainstBlake,whisperingtohim.He

gaveashoutoflaughter.“JustaswellI’mapatientman,”hesaidjokingly.Christie’sheartcontractedas
sherealisedjusthowpatienthehadbeen.“Butyou’reright,sincewe’rehere,let’slookaround.Andwe
cangobacktotheapartmentafterwards.”Christienoddedashekissedheragainbeforestopping
abruptly.

“Anyway,youwantedtoknowaboutdesign,”hesaid,grinningather,obviouslyteasingher.Christie

lookedathim,herdesireminglingwithherloveforhim,withherexcitementaboutthehomeshenow
realisedshewouldsharewithBlake,withIsla.ForthisroomwhichBlakehadcreatedwithsucheffort,
suchattentiontodetail,ademonstrationofhisloveforher,forIsla.

“Blake,howdidyouorganiseallthis?”Christieaskedagain.“Themural?”
“ItwasmyideabutRebeccapaintedit,”hesaid.
“Rebecca?”Christierepeated,stunned.
“She’sreallyartistic,”heexplained.“WhenIconfidedinher,toldherIwantedtofindsomeonetodo

it,sheoffered.Ileftthatuptoher.ButIchosethepaintfortheotherwalls,thecurtainsandthecushions.
ButIranitpastherfirst.Iknewwhatyouwanted,butIdidn’twanttogetitwrong.Ifoundthebedding
myselfthough,Iwentlooking.”

Christieshookherhead.“It’sallbeautiful,whateveryou’dchosenwouldhavebeen.”Shelooked

againatthemural,noticingmoreofthedetail.

“Christie,Iwantedtofinishthenursery,getdrawersforIsla,afewotherthings.ButRebeccapointed

outyoumightwanttochoosetherestofwhatwe’dneed.Shedidn’twantyoutofeellikeeverythinghad
beenchosenforyou,thatyouwerestuckwithit.”Heshrugged.“Wecangooutshoppingtogetheranyway.
Andsortoutwhatyouwanttochange.”

ChristieturnedtoBlake,shockedatRebecca’ssuddensensitivity,athispatentwillingnesstochange

theentireroomifshe,Christie,expressedthemostminordislikeofevenoneaspect.“Blake,thisisthe
mostgorgeousroomI’veeverseen.Itmeanssomuchtomethatyou’vechosenthingsforIsla.Everything
isperfect,becauseyouchoseit.Thecot,themural,Iloveeverything.”

“DidyouandRebeccaagree?”Christiecouldn’tresistaskingasshewalkedoutofthenursery.
“Oneverythingexceptthechair,”Blakesaid,asmileinhisvoice.“Becauseitwasn’tnew?”Christie

guessed.Blakenodded.“Andshethoughtthecushionsclashed.”Heshrugged.“Buttoobad.Intheendshe
likedthem.”

BlakesteeredChristieintoasmallerroomwithwindowslookingouttowardstherivergorge.She

lookedupathimquestioningly.“Wecouldturnthisintoastudyforyou,”Blakesaidhesitantly.“What
doesthiscontractinginvolve?”heasked,stilluncertainaboutherexactplans.“Yousaidtothedoctorthat
timeyourcareerwasimportanttoyou;whatdoyouwanttodo,Christie?”Hekepttalking,notwaitingfor
heranswer.“Iguesswedon’tneedtodeciderightnow…it’suptoyou,”hesaidcarefully.“Wecouldput
Islaintodaycare,ororganiseananny.Parttimeorwhateverfits…”

Stunned,ChristielookedupatBlake,unsure.“Ananny?”sherepeated.
Henodded.“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.We’dneedtositdowntogetherandfigureoutwhat’sbest.Ifyou

wanttoworkatall,”headdedasanafterthought,awareofChristie’sstrongmind,herintelligence.“I
assumedyouwould,butyoudon’thaveto…”Hewatchedherface.

“Idowanttokeepworking,Blake,definitely.ButwhenIsla’ssoyoungIhadthoughtIwouldkeep

doingthecontractingfromhome,buildupthehoursfromthere.IusuallyworkaroundIsla’sroutine,I
don’tthinkwe’dneedtoorganisechildcareforher…”

Blakeshrugged.“Welltheoption’sthereanyway,”hesaidcasually,hesitatingslightly.“Maybejustfor

herbrothersandsistersthen?”

Christiesmiledupathim.“Brothersandsisters?Howmanyisshehaving?”Relaxingasherealised

Christiewasteasinghim,heleaneddowntowhisperinherear;shelaughed,agreeingwithhim.“I’mstill
workingthough,”sheadded.

“We’lldefinitelyneedanannythen.”Blakesmiledbackather,hesitatingslightly.Christietiltedher

head,watchinghim,hereyesnarrowing,waitingforhimtospeak.Shewasawarehestillhadnot
mentionedanythingaboutBrenda,wonderedifhewoulddosonow.

“Whotoldyou?”Blakesaideventually.Christiefrownedslightly.“Whatdoyoumean,Blake?”He

tookadeepbreath.“WhotoldyouthatIwasadopted?”

“Noone,”shesaidsoftly.“Ifigureditoutmyself.But,Blake,Ishouldn’thavementioneditthatnightat

thehospital.Likethat.”

Heshruggedbutshesensedhimrelaxslightly.“Ishouldhavetoldyou,”hesaid,watchingIsla.“ButI

thoughtyouknew…Icouldn’tunderstandwhyinDunedinyou—”

ChristiegaveBlakeanembarrassedsmile.“YouandLisaaresosimilar.Igotcompletelythewrong

idea.AndLisaalwaysdefendedyou.”

“Youfigureditoutyourself?”Blakerepeated,shakinghishead.“Trustyou.”
Christietensedathisuseoftheword,lookedawaybrieflybeforespeaking.“Yougotthatphonecall,

andIsawhowimportantitwastoyou.ThenIrealisedwhenyoutookmebacktoLisa’safterwardsyou
werecompletelydifferentto…howyouusuallyare,”Christiefinishedcarefully,notsparingherself.“It
wasBrendathatcalledyou,wasn’tit?”

Blakenodded.“She’smybirthmother,”hesaidquietly.“AndIblamedherforsolong,andshealways

triedtomakeamends.”Hegaveashortlaugh.“EverythingwasfinewhenIwasyounger,myparents
alwaystoldmefromthestart…theyneverhidanything,butthenwhenIwasateenagerIwantedtofind
outmore,pesteredmyparentstohelp.Andtheydid,theyalreadyhadsomedetailsanyway,butwhenI
foundoutBrendawasmybirthmotheritwasashockforme.Brendacouldn’treallytellmeanything

aboutmyfather,justthathewassomeguyshemetinabar.

“LisaandIwereathighschooltogetherandthewholethinggotabitmuch.AndIalwaysthoughtthat

myparents—thatoncetheywereabletohaveRebecca—thattheydidn’treallywantme.Asmuch,Imean.
Becausesheisjustareplicaofmymother,andmyfatherdotesonthemboth.Myparentstriedtotalkto
me,sortitallout,but…”Blakeshookhishead.“IntheendIjusttookoffoverseas.”

“But,Blake,yourfather,atthewinery…”Christiespoke,tryingtomakehimseewhathadbeenclear

toher.

“Iknow,”hesaid.“Iwenttoseemyparents,totalk.That’sallsorted.”Blakegrinnedather,thinking

ofthedayIslawasborn.“AndI’veevenspokentoRebecca.Apparently,I’mtheonlybrothershe’sever
wanted,”hesaidflippantly,maskingthedeepemotionhefelt.

“Exceptwhenitcomestoagreeingonapaintcolour,”Christiesaid,tryingtomatchBlake’sjoking

tone,sensingthegenuineemotionunderneath.

Heshrugged,hiseyessuddenlywarm.“Chalkandcheese,”hesaideasily.“AndIgohunting,”hesaid,

mockseriously.“Givesherthenoveltyfactoroverthelatteatthecaféwithherfriends.”Christiechoked
backsuddenlaughter.

Takingherbysurprise,Blakemovedclosertokissheragain.“Thankyoufortoday,”hesaidquietly,

suddenlyseriousagain.“Hearingthatwomantodayatthepartycarryingonaboutmotherswhoadoptout
theirbabies…ButonceIspoketoBrendawewerebothokay.She’sneverreallytoldanyoneaboutme,so
Iguessalotoffriendsdon’trealisewhatthey’resaying.”Christienoddedsilently,tryingtohideher
amazementatBlake’scandour,realisinghewasbeingcompletelyopenwithher.

Eventually,theywalkedintothebareshellthatwouldbecomethemainbedroom.Christiesawtheway

thewholeroomwasorientatedtowardsthesweepingviewouttotheShotoverRiver.Shecaughther
breath,imagining,lookingaroundbeforewalkingpurposefullyoutofthebedroom,backdownthehall.

“Christie,whereareyougoing?”Blakecalled,followingheroutofthebedroom,stillholdingIsla.

Shewasinthelounge,holdingthecarkeys,hertallfigureilluminatedinthepalewintersun,herblue
eyesbright,sparkling.Hecaughthisbreath.Shesawhimwalkingtowardsher,holdingIsla.

“Youmaybepatient.I’mnot,”Christiesaid,hersmilefulloflove,desire.Blakelaughed,hisstride

quickeningdownthehall.

TableofContents

Copyright
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChpterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNineteen