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Miuncsota's Excellcnt Ventura The State proves it can rock V roli. Now cornes scliool By GARRISON KJEILLOR Nov. 16, 1998

Georgia had Lester Maddox and Louisiana had Earl Long, and now Minnesota has gone and got an interesting Govcmor of our own: a pro wrestlcr with a shaved head and a bad-boy swagger whosc voicc is hoarsc from bellowing at opponents and threatening to rip their arras from their Sockets. He was the protest candidatc, a chancc to tlirow toilet paper in tlić trees and piss off Dad, nobody dreaming lic would actually be clccted. But in a three-way race the bali takes funny bounces. and that is how Minnesota got a 6 fi. 4 in., 250-lb. Governor naraed Jesse ("The Body") Ventura, and all week Minnesotans were feeling sort ofgiddy about it, like Lutlierans who’vc drunk a little raore tłian we raeant to and now herc we are singing Alley Oop and dancing on the sofa. Who woulda thunk we could get tłiis crazy?

"Rest assured. You got tlić most cxciting Govemor in the United States," Jesse announeed aflcrward in his alpba-male voice to all of us turkey nccks. He uses tlie phrasc "rest assured" a lot, and when hc wants to sound official he says, "At this point in timc." He Ioves to talk and does it stream-of-consciousncss style, segueing suddcnly, coniing back to his basie reference points, which are pro wrestling, talk radio and the Navy SEALS. He doesn't autoraatically shut ofF, reporters have disco vered.

He ran a sniart race, snarled, boasted, was entertaining, canipaigncd in a sw^rcatshirt ("Rctaliatc in ’98"), sat in on the televiscd debates with his two opponents (who didn't bother to mess w^rith him), kept saying he was no połitician and exprcssed liiraself morc blnntly tlian had been customary in Minnesota politics. He cussed a little. He was vagucly outrageous, tlie right tłiitig to be when you’re ruiuiing against two suits.

The Republican and tlie Dcmocrat were pcrfect fali guys for him. The Republican was an ex-Dcmocrat and glibnoss on whecls, and his big sniile looked as if hc’d worked on it all summer. The Dcinocrat rcminded you of your classic, cheerfully cluclcss high school principal. Both of them had that tcndcncy coinmon to carcer politicians of putting their mouths into gear with tlicir rainds only partly engaged. Thcy blathcrcd. This madę Jesse look like Abe Lincoln.

Pcople were gratcful for tlie diversion, and of course politics is pretty much debased tliis year anyway. When the farm econoray is tanking and mcanwhile Washington is in the thralls of scxual obsession, and Congrcss is donnant until late Octobcr when it produccs a $500 billion spending bill that is passed unread and undebated, then what exactly is the objcction to Jesse ("The Body") Ventura?

Hc glided in under the political radar. Right up to about 10 o'clock on election night the local press treated him like a cartoon charactcr. It vvasn't reported until later, for example, that Vcntura is his stage namc, tliat his legał name is James Janos--a smali dctail, but Minnesotans had nevcr clccted a pseudonym before. Hc mused about the dcatli pcnalty and legał prostitution. which are not winning issues herc cxccpt among drunks, but nobody hcld it against him. He likened tlie war on drugs to Prohibition and called it a failure. People let that one go too.

So, late on election night, tlie suits are up in their suites, brooding and trying to look confident, waiting for the Glocca Morra vote to roU in and save them, and Jesse is strutting tali turkey at his campaign hcadąuarters at tlie racctrack, looking like everyonc's nightmarc of a brothcr-in-law, shaking his big fist, yelling, "We shockcd the world!” and comparing himsclf to Muhammad Ali and tlie U.S. Olympic hockey team of 1980 tliat beat tlie Russians. All across Minnesota, the quict, dcccnt pcople who bclieve in Good Govemmcnt and Working Togcthcr to Resolvc Diffcrcnccs arc leaning forward in disbelief at tlie thought tliat tlie next Govcmor of their State might be THIS GREAT BIG I IONKING BULLET-HEADED SI I0VEL-FACED MUTHA WHO TALKS IN A STEROID GROWL AND DOESNT STOP. And fłien hc won.

Weil. We arc a State of highly repressed Scandinavians, and sometimes we like to surprise oursclvcs. Minnesota is a $12 billion-a-ycar operation, and we have taken the janitor and madę him the CEO, but hcy. Now we have the inauguration to look forward to. Hc promised to be lowcrcd by hclicoptcr to the capitol dome and rappel down tlić sidc of the building, and tliat would surę be sometliing to sec. Mcanwhile, everybody in Minnesota can do a pretty good Jesse imitation. A good way to start the winter.