Waiting For Reassessment

By Delwyn

Posted on Wednesday, 11 December 2002

This is a short story. Let me set the scene for my writing it. It's three in the morning and I have plenty of homework to get done. I've been kicked out of my room by one of my roommates who can't sleep with any light on at all, even the dim light of my laptop monitor. So I'm sitting on the floor with stacks of books by my side, and of course my mind isn't on my homework. I go to the bathroom and set absentmindedly staring at the Far Side cartoons taped on the walls of the stall. And upon looking at one set in Hell with devils torturing the people in comedic ways, I get the idea to set Pride and Prejudice in Hell. The idea doesn't go away as I wash my hands and walk back down the hall to my little work place by my bedroom door. It develops and moves away from a setting in Hell to something else. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out, but I don't want to spoil it from the beginning anyway. This is lighthearted, fun, and for Pete's sake, PLEASE don't take offence by it. If you do, don't say anything on the board, feel free to email me. The last thing I want to do is spark another dispute in the DWG. I hope it diverts you for half an hour away from the worries of your day.

"What are you in for?" Elizabeth asked the beautiful blonde next to her. She expected the blonde to say she'd been a harlot or indulged in pornography or maybe she had done drugs. But instead, the blonde said, "I was too easygoing."

"What?!"

"He said I was too easygoing. I let people walk all over me."

"I didn't know you could get in for that."

"Of course you can. I'm in for the same thing," announced a young man sitting across from the two women. Funnily enough, he had a grin on his face as he said it. "So why are you here?" the man asked.

"Unfinished business," Elizabeth replied with a shrug.

A dark, brooding man sitting uncomfortably in the corner snorted. Elizabeth turned indignantly to him, but as her eyes did a sweep of his stunning face and body, she decided not to dignify him with retaliation.

"So. I hear you can be in here for a long time," said the blonde, cheerful man.

"Who'd you hear that from?" asked the brooding man in the corner.

"Some guy who was called below a couple of days ago."

"How do you know it was a couple of days ago?" the man challenged. "Time is relative, and when you're looking at eternity, two years can seem like two days."

"You're right. I don't know when it was."

"That's why you're in here, you know."

"You're right."

The brooding man shook his head in exasperation, and went back to studying the blank, white walls.

"I'm Charles, by the way," the cheerful man announced.

"I'm Jane," said the blonde woman beside Elizabeth, smiling sweetly at him.

"My name is Elizabeth."

"Well! Now that we've introduced ourselves, what should we do next?"

"We could be here for eternity, so I wouldn't be in a hurry to waste all your ideas now," said the brooding man.

"What's your name?" asked Charles.

"Why do you care?"

"As you pointed out, we could be here for a while, and it would be easier attaching a name to you rather than always referring to you as 'the dark brooding man in the corner'."

"Darcy."

"It's so nice to meet everyone!" Charles exclaimed.

"Are you sure you weren't accepted because you're too cheerful?" growled Darcy.

"I'm not sure, actually. I was so busy being pleased with everything around me, I didn't catch everything that the man said."

"How do you know what to fix in order to enter if you didn't hear why you weren't accepted?"

"I don't know."

Just then, a woman was shoved into the room. She stumbled, but was caught by Darcy. She smiled winningly at him and batted her false eyelashes.

She up righted her tall, skinny self and slunk onto the bench beside Darcy. Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. This would make things more interesting.

The woman wore a very low-cut, skimpy red dress that rode up her thighs when she crossed her legs toward Darcy. Darcy, if possible, huddled into the corner more.

"My name's Charles."

"I'm Caroline," the woman purred, speaking to Darcy rather than Charles.

"What happened to you?"

"One of the heels of my Prada pumps broke and I fell down three flights of stairs."

"What are you in here for?"

"I cared for my appearance more than people."

Elizabeth's initial distaste grew to a strong dislike. But it was tempered with her pleasure at seeing the rude Darcy being bothered by the woman.

She lost track of time, as Darcy had predicted. She did know, however, that it was not very long at all before Charles had formed a very strong attachment to Jane and Elizabeth suspected that Jane returned his feelings. She didn't know this was supposed to happen. Or rather, allowed to happen. Caroline continued to shower the unwilling Darcy with attention. It made Elizabeth sick to watch and she would have felt sorry for him if he hadn't been so insufferable and hateful. They couldn't seem to converse without it becoming a heated debate bordering on an argument. In a way it was refreshing since Jane and Charles were so easygoing they agreed with whatever she said. But Darcy didn't have to take it to the extreme of arguing with everything she said and manipulating her words to mean something else.

Then, an addition was made to the group, which certainly livened things up, a bit. He was tall and dashing in the marines' uniform. Elizabeth was flattered that he immediately singled her out for attention. But when he saw Darcy, Elizabeth witnessed his face turn pale, and looking at Darcy, she saw his face flush red. She didn't know what to make of it. Was it possible they had known each other when they were alive??

Some time later, Elizabeth had the opportunity of speaking in private conversation with the new man, who was named George.

"Why are you here?"

"Well... since you asked!" and George proceeded to launch into a long explanation of how Darcy had wronged him. It involved a will and a deliberate misinterpretation on Darcy's part that forced George into the army, where he had accidentally caused some civilian deaths.

"But..." said Elizabeth. "There are always civilian deaths. It's part of war."

"Someone must pay for their lives."

"But if it was an accident...."

"I'm hoping I won't be here long because of that."

"Do you think that is why Darcy is here then? Because of what he did to you?"

"He didn't cause misery to me only."

Elizabeth gasped. "Well if he's as bad as that, why is he here and not down there?"

George shrugged. "The Lord works in mysterious ways."

Elizabeth's dislike of Darcy turned to hatred after that conversation. However much she avoided it, she did find herself alone in his corner of the room while everyone else was playing some game on the other side. Elizabeth hadn't wanted to play and so had been forced to move to his end of the room. She stared away from him, and imagined all the horrible things she would do to him when she was free to make decisions again.

Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled into his corner and being kissed passionately on the lips. She couldn't do anything for several seconds due to her utter shock. Then she came to her sense and shoved him away from. She clenched her fist and swung it hard, just like her father had taught her, and made contact with his upper cheekbone and eye. Darcy reeled backwards, clutching his face in agony. Both of them didn't want to attract the attentions of the others, so Darcy bit his lip hard to keep from crying out in pain and anger. Pain of the physical and emotional kind. He loved her, did she not see that? Did she not yearn for him too?

"What in all of the universe and celestial beings do you think you are doing?!!" she hissed.

"I thought it was obvious!"

"What possessed you? Are you delirious?"

"No, but I may be now, thanks to you!"

"Did you get the wrong woman? It is I, Elizabeth, not Caroline!"

Their argument continued in urgent, hushed whispers.

"I know who you are! I love you!"

"What?? How could you? This is no place to fall in love! What were you planning on doing? Marrying me? Then you go to Hell and I go to Heaven, then what?"

"Well I had thought about this a lot, and even though you did not die a noble death and despite your choice of friends and the reason you are in here, I still love you!"

"Enough!" she said. Then with a backward glance at the others who were still engrossed in their game, she continued, "I hate you!"

Darcy looked like she had poured cold water all over him - stunned.

"George told me all about how you treated people in your life, and how you forced him into a career that led to his death and his being here!"

"And you take such interest in his concerns."

"What else am I to do here? You gave me no reason to believe otherwise."

"Perhaps if I had flattered you and showered you with attentions you would not have been so quick to believe him."

"Hardly. From the first time you made a sound in my presence, you have impressed me with the fullest extent of your rudeness and arrogance. You are conceited, care nothing for anyone else, and you are evil! I cannot fathom why you are here and not down there!"

"You have said quite enough, woman!"

And for the first time since she saw him, he got up from his corner and walked to the opposite corner, facing the wall and nursing his wounds - again, both physical and mental.

Elizabeth, fuming, stalked off to watch the game the others played but was still in no humour to join in.

Somehow, he managed to procure some paper and a pen, for shortly after their confrontation, she received a letter from his hand. She almost tore it up, but her curiosity got the better of her. His face looked very painful. Her father would have been proud of her. When the others had seen him, he had made the excuse that he had fallen asleep sitting up and fell against one wall of his corner.

Elizabeth read the letter and wished she could begin her journey to Hell. She deserved it after the false accusations she had made. She had been all wrong. George had been lying. He was here for having sex with a minor - Darcy's sister to be precise. And George had waived his inheritance for immediate payment, which he had received from Darcy.

Elizabeth was then angry with herself and George. But she refused to get into another fight. She would just have to avoid both men - Darcy out of embarrassment and George as a precaution against killing him or socking him one in the eye, too. Her skilful avoidance continued for a short length of time, before someone else joined them. Elizabeth was startled when her younger sister Lydia was ushered into the room.

"Lydia! What happened to you?"

Lydia snorted with laughter. "I got in an accident when I was driving home from a party."

"Were you drunk?"

"I'd only had about six shots. Not much."

"Oh, Lydia!"

"Don't preach at me."

"What reason did they give you for sending you here?"

"I don't know, something about being too easy and flirty. I couldn't understand that. I was only trying to see if angels had to wear underwear."

Elizabeth buried her face in shame. Everyone heard her. He heard her. He would certainly stop loving her now.

It wasn't long at all before Lydia had singled George out as an easy target. Elizabeth thought she would be physically sick if she had to remain. Maybe this was Hell. Maybe this was already the beginning of her eternal torture.

Then, after taking a nap, Elizabeth woke to find her sister and George had gotten it into their heads to escape.

"Escape?? Where are they going to escape to?!" exclaimed Elizabeth.

Jane shook her head sadly. Even Charles looked serious for once.

It wasn't long after that, when Darcy also vanished. "Where did he go?" asked Elizabeth.

"Said he had some business to attend to," explained Jane.

While Caroline sulked in Darcy's corner, Elizabeth retreated in the opposite direction to berate and pity herself. He wanted nothing to do with her, especially after Lydia's foolish behaviour. He'd gone to move himself somewhere else.

She spent a period of mourning, for she realised during his absence that she had changed her mind about him. She missed their heated debates.

Then, when she was visiting his corner of the room where he had always ensconced himself, she looked up to see him entering the room. Their eyes met, and Elizabeth felt a wonderful rushing feeling at seeing him again. He seemed startled to see her in his corner. He paused, then came over to her and awkwardly began a conversation about what had happened in his absence. He asked if she was well several times. Elizabeth wanted to laugh at their mutual embarrassment but couldn't.

Then Darcy said very seriously, looking passionately in her eyes, "Elizabeth-"

"Darcy! You've returned to me!" cried Caroline.

Darcy closed his eyes in frustration and exasperation. He turned to her to greet her and then turned back to Elizabeth, only to find she had escaped and returned to the other side of the room, avoiding looking at him. He didn't know if she was frightened away by Caroline or him. Either way, Darcy was very disappointed.

Before he got another chance to speak to her alone again, Lydia returned to the group.

"Lydia! Where have you been? I thought you would be in Hell by now!" exclaimed Elizabeth in surprise.

"Oh no. But George went. It's all that Darcy's fault! He separated my love and I. He made them send me back here for a while to 'come to my senses' while my love was sent to Hell!" Lydia sulked.

Elizabeth was shocked. "Darcy arranged for you to be sent back here?"

"You were right to hate him, Lizzy."

She wanted to correct her younger sister, but decided it was useless. She wondered why he would go to the danger and risk of making such a deal. Did he sell his soul to the Devil for it? Surely not! She still could not help hoping he did it for her.

Elizabeth didn't know how much time had passed by the time Jane and Charles had openly declared their love. The occasion brought Darcy himself from his corner to speak with Charles. Elizabeth, though not part of the conversation, still overheard it.

"I caution you Charles not to do this."

"Why?" asked Charles, fear tingeing his voice.

Elizabeth mentally asked the same question, wondering if Darcy had reverted his old arrogant self.

"Think about the consequences of such a match. What are you going to do when she goes to Hell and you go to Heaven? How happy will you be in Heaven knowing that you have attached yourself to a soul in Hell?"

Charles doubted and considered the matter. Darcy did have a point. Maybe he was right. Charles was about to verbally accede to what Darcy argued, when something snapped inside of him. No. He did not agree. He loved Jane, and surely she would not go to Hell. She was too good a soul not to go to Heaven. And if he were the one in Hell... well it wouldn't be worse than not having her.

"I don't agree," he stated simply.

The whole room went quiet and everyone except Lydia stared at Charles. He had just asserted his own opinion!

In a hushed voice, Darcy cautioned him. "You must save your own soul, Charles!"

"My soul is no good without hers."

"I'm warning you, Charles."

"I have taken your advice into consideration. I would still like your blessing."

"Do you need it?"

"No, but I should like to know I have it all the same."

"Then go to it, man."

At her earliest opportunity, Elizabeth confronted Darcy.

"What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? Obviously I was wrong about you recently. You have not changed, you still think yourself better than the rest of us!"

"Elizabeth, that is not true, you wilfully misunderstand me."

"Do I?"

"If you would just calm down. Listen. Charles is in here for being too easygoing. I just gave him an opportunity to prove himself. He didn't comply with my demands. He proved that he is not too easygoing, and has certainly assured himself a place in Heaven."

Elizabeth opened her mouth, and then closed it. She didn't know how to respond. He was too good, too great. She was about to say something, she didn't know what, but she had opened her mouth to allow for something to come out of it, when Jane touched her arm.

"Forgive me, Darcy. May I steal Elizabeth away from you? I have something urgent to say to her."

"By all means, I will not keep her from you."

Elizabeth looked sharply at him, wondering if there were some double meaning she was supposed to be picking up and if so, what was the message.

Nevertheless, Elizabeth walked with Jane away from Darcy's corner. In hushed tones and whispers, Jane informed her friend that Caroline had said some really mean things to her face about Charles.

"What should I do?"

Thinking of what Darcy had done for Charles, Elizabeth replied, "I agree with her."

"Really?" Jane's face fell. "I thought you liked Charles."

"Oh, I do. He's a nice fling for while you're in here, but I think it's not a good idea to get too attached to him. He'll probably go to Hell and you're sure to go to Heaven, then what will you do?"

"You think he'll go to Hell?"

"You never know."

Jane fell into a despondent silence. Elizabeth suddenly wondered if Jane would rise to the bait. She seemed to just accept what Elizabeth said. Silently, Elizabeth yelled at her, Come on, you ninny! This is True Love! Grab it, run with it, take it as far as it will let you! Don't just give up like that!

Suddenly, Jane looked up at her friend. Elizabeth caught a glimmer of defiance in her air. "Elizabeth, I appreciate your friendship and your advice. But I think you're wrong. I love Charles. And I think it would be wrong not to join together."

"Are you sure? Think of what you are doing! You must think of your own soul!"

"I am thinking of my own soul. I think I am doing what is best for myself."

"So you don't agree with me?"

Jane hesitated, appalled that she was going to say she didn't agree with someone. But she said it. "No, I do not."

Elizabeth laughed. "Good, I'm glad!" She hugged the bewildered Jane, and mentally praised Darcy even more.

Over some time, Darcy and Elizabeth were able to have normal conversations and more civilised debates about things of their past life and of things to come. Elizabeth found herself becoming more and more attached to him. In fact, she loved him. She had loved him ever since she didn't think he would return. But now he seemed not to love her. She despaired and wished the interminable waiting would end so she could go to Hell like she deserved.

Then the time came for Jane and Charles to leave. They had been summoned before St. Peter once more. Everyone gathered to say goodbye and wish them happiness in Heaven. Jane hugged her friend and said, "I hope to see you in Heaven very soon."

"You are too good, Jane," Elizabeth said. "I don't have any expectations on being there soon. I shall suffer with you gone."

"You will not suffer for long."

They hugged again, and hand in hand, the couple left purgatory.

Lydia quickly found new amusement in bothering Caroline about clothes and fashion. This gave Elizabeth the opportunity to thank him for what he did for her sister.

When she spoke her thanks, Darcy looked visibly disturbed. "If you will thank me, let it be for yourself alone. I only thought of relieving your suffering. Elizabeth, I still love you. If you still have violent feelings toward me, just tell me and I will leave you alone for the eternity we may be here for."

"Darcy..." she faltered, not knowing how to express her feelings at the moment. She felt like she had been given Life all over again. "I do have violent feelings toward you-" Darcy's face fell. "But they are of quite a different nature. I ... am violently in love with you," finished Elizabeth, shyly.

Darcy's doubted her at first, thinking this was another one of her witty replies, but then realised her sincerity and acted accordingly.

Suddenly, the door opened, interrupting their passionate kisses. "Darcy and Elizabeth, you have been summoned before His Excellency, St. Peter."

Darcy and Elizabeth looked at each other, startled. They followed the angel up to the gates of Heaven and faced St. Peter.

"Ah, at last. It took you two long enough."

"Excuse me?" said Darcy.

"Your unfinished business."

Elizabeth turned on Darcy. "You had unfinished business too?? Why did you snort derogatively when I said it?"

"I didn't! I laughed. I thought it ironic we were in for the same thing."

Elizabeth shook her head, amazed at her own capacity for thinking badly of Darcy.

"Ahem. Yes, well, you see, we made a mistake with you two."

"Excuse me?" this time Elizabeth said it.

"It happens every now and then. You two were supposed to be soul mates in your lives. And when we accidentally called you, Darcy, to Judgement about 30 years too early, we had to bring her too. But since you two hadn't even met in your lives, yet, we couldn't let you into Heaven without your soul mate. So we sent you both to purgatory to solve your unfinished business. Now that it's all settled and worked out between you two, we can get down to business."

Elizabeth wanted to be angry, to get mad and offended at being used and manipulated in such a manner. But then she caught Darcy's eye, and smiled. Well, she got a soul mate out of the bargain, didn't she?

Caroline, having not improved her ways when her purgatory ended, was sent to a place surrounded by mirrors, where clothing was from Wal-Mart, makeup was for Ebony-coloured skin not her colour, and only greasy food was available for consumption. Lydia was sent to counselling with Mary Magdalene and as a result, earned herself a place in Heaven.

Elizabeth and Darcy did find Jane and Charles and the four of them lived happily for eternity in the Kingdom of God.

The End

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