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CERTIFICATE IN PROFICIENCY ENGLISH -PAPER 3 - ENGLISH IN USE

FILL IN THE GAPS EXTRA PRACTICE

(CLUES AT THE END OF THE DOCUMENT)

FILL IN THE GAPS EXERCISE 1 FUNERALS (PEARY PERRY)

This past week was a tough ................................. 1 for all of us. The wife of one of our oldest friends .........................2 of cancer after a relatively short period of ............................. 3 after being diagnosed. She was a smoker, but had ............................ 4 up twenty years ago, so think about it. Anyway, my wife had to go over and help ......................... 5 the final arrangements and then we went over for two days of funeralizing. I have my .............................. 6 thoughts about what you can do with me ..........................7 it comes to be my time. I want to ........................... 8 some arrangements for the donor program to use and keep whatever parts of me they want for whatever reason. If they need my eyes, skin or anything that's still viable then let it be ........................... 9 to use somewhere, because I'm certainly not going to need it. I mentioned ........................ 10 to someone this past week and they stared at me with a shocked look and told me that I might need everything when I go to heaven.

Well.......................... 11 of all, I don't think we carry these old bodies or any Earthly body with us when we get to heaven, those of us that are going. Second, I don't think God is going to be hacked at me if I donated my eyes to some child so they can see what this world is all .......................12 , or if my skin can be used for some burn victim. If God is going to get mad at me for that, I'd be really surprised. Nope, they can use all they can get ...................... 13 me, then create me and toss those ashes on the roses for all .........................14 care. After looking at the cost of a casket and funeral plot, I think the money would be ........................ 15 spent sending some kid to college rather than entombing me intact for eternity. I won't be there, so how do I know and what do I care? Have a memorial service and a good reception with ..........................16 of food and laugh about the good parts and cry about the ............................. 17 if you want to, but don't look for me a place under some large old tree to be at rest forever because it's not ............................. 18 I want.

FILL IN THE GAPS EXERCISE 2 “ REALITY TV”

Years ago when I was a kid, television was just .............................1 into existence and was more of a novelty than a source of entertainment. As I recall I think we had three channels to choose.........................2 , all in black and white with nothing able to be seen until sometimes late in the afternoons. No one seemed to be overly `obsessed' with the fact that we didn't have anything to be `glued' to for long periods of every day. In fact, the first programs that were broadcast could easily be taken or left unwatched without any problems. We had other things to occupy our time. We talked, we read, we visited our neighbors. For kids, we played. We .......................3 bicycles and did things kids are supposed to do. Somehow over these past years this concept seems to have changed. Now, we get regular reports on the number of hours in every week that the average American ...............................4 watching their television.

We have chosen to use the device as an escape from reality. What truly amazes me and causes me to digress back to this subject again is the new infusion of so called `reality' shows, which are coming on line for ....................................5 of us to watch. Isn't it ironic that millions of people in the world are choosing to shut the door on real life relationships and sit in ..................................6 of some electronic piece of machinery to watch how ...............................7 people live? I truthfully believe we are living in strange times, when the number one rated program at this time is a `reality' program centered around an aging rock star and his family who can't string more than four or five words together ................................8 using a word of profanity. One word in general is used so often that if it .....................................9 eliminated from the program, you be watching a silent movie. I suppose since we have umpteen numbers of channels available twenty-four hours each day, it was inevitable that television producers would soon run ............................10 of program content. But, please do we really want to know what Anna Nicole Smith and Liza Minnelli do in the bathrooms at their homes? I don't.

Who really cares if Sean “P Diddy” Combs knows how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Have we morphed into such a lemming like culture that producers actually believe we are interested in peeking in on the lives of the famous and not so famous people in order to fill up our days and ...........................11 our lives more enjoyable? Are we that shallow? I think not. I do believe we have a segment of our population who cannot or will not interact with other members of our society on a regular basis. Television is not the problem. Addiction to television is a problem. At our home we receive about three hundred channels of programming. On ...........................12 given day there may be one or at the .................................13 two that I feel are actually worth my time to watch. Not so much more than when television first .............................14 out when I was a kid. I challenge you to do this, look at the programming guide before you tune into some programme.

If it says something like…”Two drifters, who robbed a bank get picked up by a psychotic driving to Las Vegas ...........................15 they encounter a vampire cult.” Save yourself, run don't walk to the library or to your neighbors or call your mother. Our time is all the same, we get the exact amount handed to us each day, we need to use it wisely and with ...........................16 thought, not to be squandered on the mindless drivel that some entertainment production companies think we are only capable of being interested in. Come to think ...........................17 it, those three channels operating for a limited number of ................................18 each day when I was a kid sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

FILL IN THE GAPS EXERCISE 3 GARAGE SALE

Point of discussion of this article, is the approach taken by men and women when it .............................1 to selling things.

As in selling things that belong to her as compared to selling things that belong to me. Now, we have had our fair share of garage sales during our married life. I'm sure you have as well. Answer me this…..how is it that when women price our stuff (men's) it goes for almost nothing, but their stuff is priced almost as if it ............................2 brand ............................3 ? I've seen baseball gloves that I felt were practically priceless go for $2 or less. Books I felt were collector's items…get priced at 50 cents. Good, I mean good tools that are virtually brand new are pushed out the door at a fraction of their retail price at the store. Now, on the other .............................4 ,look at how women put value.................................. 5 something like their old purses. Pieces of leather that saw better days years ago, will be priced within 10-15% of their original value. Dresses, hats, books, kitchen appliances all get marked up to within retail limits if women are doing the evaluations.

Our stuff gets marked down to almost worthless status and in some cases if we aren't careful, they will pay to have our stuff moved off from the property. Now about two weeks ago, we put my wife's car 6 ........................... for sale since it had a bunch of miles on it. She liked that car, but realized it was at a point in time that we needed to get ............................... 7 of it. She priced it way too high, but I didn't think I should be the one to tell her she was wrong. It was in the classified section for 3 weeks without one call. Finally I told her I thought it was a ............................. 8 of time to list it this high and she reduced it, but not by that much. Another 2 weeks goes...........................9 and we get 2 calls, but nobody comes to look at it. In the meantime, the car is sitting here in the garage, costing me money for the balance of the note, the insurance and the cost of the newspaper ad not to mention my mental stress. Last week a fellow calls and offers to ............................10 the car, but at $1500 less than we had it in the paper.

He had cash. I said deal and she about had a conniption fit. We got into the most insane argument going to meet the people and collecting the money. She said the cash might be counterfeit. I said that yes, that certainly was possible, but I wasn't worried. First off, I'm taking the cash to the bank to pay off the balance of the note and get the title. Second, it the cash was counterfeit, then we would find it 11 ..........................at the bank.

..............................12 , the guy wouldn't get the car, since we would ........................13 have the title and finally we'd turn the guy over to the police and besides we had insurance if it was stolen. So, how can we lose? We end up meeting the guy who called. He shows ........................14 with four carloads of relatives who swarm over the car. It was like a family reunion for all of these people. The buyer brought his wife and family, then his brother, wife and kids appeared. Then some nieces and nephews arrive, one of the nieces had just gotten engaged, so everyone (including us) got to see her ring.

We sign the papers, I tell him I........................15 have the title for him in two days, we get the cash and go home. Now, the wife thinks we are going to be robbed that night .............................16 we lock everything extra tight and sleep with the shotgun in the bedroom. Couple of days later, we meet the buyer and give him the title. Everyone wins. He gets a nice car and we get our money. Nice people ..........................17 got a good deal . I think we've done good. She still thinks we should have held out for more since it was her car. We..........................18 still be waiting to sell it if that were the case. When I bought up the price she put on my Al Dark baseball glove (she practically .........................19 it away) she couldn't see the relationship ..............................20 that and selling her car.

All she could say was…”It was old and we didn't want it anymore.” I think this is exactly what I said about her car, but it somehow got lost in the translation. The mystery continues.

FILL IN THE GAPS EXERCISE 4 Packing for Vacation

This is one year my wife won't be ...................... 1 on holiday with the rest of us. She cannot get .....................2 from work this time. .................................. 3 , it's just me and the kids going. And I thought this would mean less luggage--you know, the proverbial kitchen sink the little woman always wants to take along? Well, I was........................ 4 Because the kids are going, she still insists on packing the kitchen sink.

Every year it's the ........................ 5 thing: Pack for two days before going on holiday .

Lug half the house along with you and not even use a third of ......................... 6 !

I can ....................... 7 remember last year: Honey, why are you packing all ............................ 8 formal dresses when we are going camping?

"Well, Tom, you never know. We might get ................................... 9 to a party, or maybe even a dance or something!"

This time I figured it would be easier being she is not going. In her zest to ....................... 10 sure the boys have a good .................................. 11 ,she went out and bought the kids everything ............................. 12 the sun to take with them instead. Each of ...........................13 now has a two-man inflatable boat, oars, inner tubes, beach balls, flippers and goggles and much, much more.

Hell, I had to go out and buy the kids another suitcase just to carry all the junk. And then, too, ...................... 14 is all the other stuff she packed for them , like all their medications--and also medications for just in.......................... 15 , suntan oil (5 different kinds), beach towels, etc., etc., etc. Might as ........................16 pack in the kitchen sink, too.

Oh, well, me and the boys are going to have a great time despite mom not going ............................17 year. We will stay ........................... 18 late, throw our clothes all over the motel room, eat pizza every night, and act like real men.

One thing I did pack for our vacation was a box of plastic bags. Plastic bags are a "Guys" best friends, especially the big ones. They carry .......................... 19 of dirty clothes to take ....................... 20 home. Good to store leftover pizza in, too.

Okay, time to go. Would someone call a taxi? I need a way to carry all this stuff to the car.

FILL IN THE GAPS EXERCISE 5 The Difference In Age Between Spouses

Being a man, it is hard not to notice that most of my male counterparts who are married, are married to women younger than they are, some as ...........................1 as twenty years younger. I do not know how it came about, but my wife is two years older than me.

She says I should stop talking and thinking about my friends that have younger wives and that we are going to be around together to check each others moles as they develop in our old age. This may be true.

I guess it is a parallel universe in that most men want young women and most women want young men when they hit middle age.

.............................2 is a given that women seem to take ..........................3. older men when young. I believe a young lady desiring a much younger male would be a complete turn-off to her.

So, what is it that makes the sexes think the way they do? Does it have something to do with sex, or is just a way of perceiving how one or the...............................3 will derive the most attention from the other? Dr. Sigmond Freud had most of the answers.

Freud said that when a man looks at a woman, unbeknown to him, he is looking at her ...........................4 a potential bearer of his children. The voluptuous curves that excite him are really a way if seizing up her ability to produce offspring.

When a woman looks at a man, she is looking at him for his physical abilities to protect and provide for her and her offspring. Those protruding muscles and that wedge shaped body represent security.

The age difference between men and women in American marriages, puts the woman on average four years younger than the man. So, Freud .................................. 5 be correct. It is obvious the more mature male would make the better provider while the younger woman is more appealing to the man as a producer of his offspring.

Now, what about the ...........................6 of norm marriages like.....................7?

Well, Sigmond Tom Ivines has the answer to that question: You see, we no longer live in a society that uses all brawn and physical abilities . ...........................8, some of us derive our potential from the cranial area. In other words, though the majority still unwittingly function out of Neanderthal actions, some have developed beyond and look upon the opposite sex as other than something totally physical. The opposite sex attraction becomes as much mental as physical.

Some modern men have come to view women as potential companions based .........................9 their ability to give them fulfillment in all realms of life, not simply how .............................10 they are of producing offspring.

On the other........................11 , most modern woman still see the man as a provider of security for 12 ................... and their offspring, but realize it is not always his physical abilities that are required to achieve this goal.

............................13 is a glitch in this theory of mine, though, and it is that no ........................14 what the age of a man or how he thinks, a young, voluptuous woman will always draw his attention. And ladies? You know good and well you cannot resist to stare at the buns of a well developed and physically attractive man. Come on, don't deny it.

Okay, honey, I will try to control myself but remember, if I stop looking at beautiful young........................15 , then it is time to bury me.

FILL IN THE GAPS CLUES/ ANSWERS

EXERCISE 1 FUNERALS 1. One 2. Died 3. Time 4. Given 5. With 6. Own 7. When 8. Make 9. Put

10 this 11 first 12. About 13. From 14. I 15. Better 16. Plenty 17. Bad 18. What

EXERCISE 2 clue REALITY TV 1. Coming 2. From 3. Rode 4. Spends 5 all 6 front 7 other 8 without 9 was 10 out 11 make 12 any113 most 14 came 15 where 16 some 17 of 18 hours

EXERCISE 3 GARAGE SALE 1. Comes 2 was 3. New 4 hand 5 on 6 up 7 rid 8 waste 9 by 10 buy11 out

12 thrid 13 still 14 up 15 will 16 so 17 who 18 would 19 gave 20 between

EXERCISE 4 Packing for Vacation clue 1. Going 2. Off 3. Instead 4. Wrong 5. Same 6. It 7. Still 8. Those 9. Invited 10 make 11 time 12 under 13 them 14 there 15 case 16 well 17 this 18 up 19 lots 20 back

EXERCISE 5 The Difference In Age Between Spouses 1. MUCH 2. It 3 TO 3 OTHER 4 as

5 must 6 out 7 mine/ours 8 Instead 9 on 10 capable 11hand 12them 13 There 14 matter 15 women/ladies

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