In A Little While

By Andréa

Prologue

Posted on Sunday, 21 July 2002

Struggling with recent memories
June, 2001

Elizabeth Bennet moved the covers aside and sat down on the bed. It was useless, the more she wanted to get to sleep, the more her mind seemed to keep her awake. She had been tossing and turning for at least half an hour, and could not blame her bed for it though, as the four-poster bed where she was now lying sleepless was one of the most comfortable she had ever been in.

Nor could the decoration of the guest room where she was be described as "oppressive" or "suffocating", the kind of setting that would cause insomnia in a good sleeper. Although it was mainly formed by old pieces of furniture, a very common style still in vogue in this kind of country house, the effects created by the light shades of blue in the curtains and wallpaper were actually soothing. "Oh yes! Even the guest room has plenty of the family's elegance and power", she acknowledged, thinking of her hosts.

Her eyes moved around the room, searching for something to do so that she could tire herself to oblivion. "As if I could set my mind on anything but..." She nodded her head. "Perhaps I shouldn't have come to Derbyshire after all." Lizzy, as she was called by family and friends, heard herself saying this before sighing in resignation. Not used to dwelling on past events, she could not help feeling quite uncomfortable for continuing to assess either what had happened lately or what a certain person had done or said.

"Self-control is all I need now!" She decided and then slipped down to the floor, crossing her legs in the lotus position. Next, closing her eyes, she made an attempt to clear out her mind by practicing some breathing exercises she had learnt at the Yoga classes she had started to take last Spring. An incoherent succession of images and sensations did not leave her be though, insisting on breaking the counting of her breath into and out her lungs, so she was now closer to burning in hell than reach Nirvana.

"Oh! I guess I need more practice at class first, with a teacher guiding me. I'm not ready yet to try it alone." She finally exclaimed a little frustrated, pretending that her problem was something related to her relaxing "skills". If she now looked at a mirror, she would see how much her brown eyes were brightening her face, her cheeks red, as a result of a strange mix of excitement and somewhat disappointment. But she was not worried about how she looked at the moment.

Lizzy undid the cross-legged position and reached for a golden pin lying on the bedside table. Then, she carelessly turned the mass of dark curly hair into a knot held still by the pin and rested her back in the bed, bringing her knees to her chest. "Perhaps I should've stayed in Japan", she said it loud. It was not a fortnight yet Lizzy had arrived from Japan, where she had spent three months replacing a colleague who had seriously fallen ill. Working as an auditor for Pride Independent Auditors for almost two years, a well-known and highly respected audit enterprise with branches world-wide, Lizzy knew that this had been only the first country where she had been to work. Actually, as soon as this ten day-trip was over, she would be packing for moving to another country where she would stay for at least a year.

This trip to East Midlands had been planned last May, before Lizzy had headed to Japan, with her best friends from college Anne Elliot and Maddy Gardiner. Together with Charlotte Lucas(now Mrs. Collins), Lizzy's best friend since childhood, they had formed what they called themselves the "Fab 4" and had had a great time together for a decade, while dealing with tons of papers, professors hard to bear, summer jobs and broken hearts.

Charlotte was the eldest and had always acted towards the others as the "big sister", or even the "big mommy", as the girls liked to tease her. Lizzy was the most responsible of them, always to trying to keep their feet on the ground, especially when Maddy, fond of new experiences and adventures, frightened Anne to death. The youngest and most prudent, Anne's reserved attitude could sometimes be taken as haughtiness, which was very far from the truth. Anne came from a once wealthy family (now decadent due to her father and older sister's expensive habits, much beyond their means) and did not like to talk either about her past or about herself, still she was the best shoulder to lean on if one of the girls were in need. Plus, she would go to any lengths to help their friends.

Maddy was to marry and move to France, hence the girls had planned the trip as a farewell party. Their first intention was to visit Scotland, where they would stay for a fortnight. However, on her arrival in England, Lizzy had been informed that she would only have ten days off before being sent to a branch overseas. Thus, the friends had picked up a shorter itinerary instead, passing through Maddy's hometown, Lambton. Even so, Charlotte's husband hadn't agreed with his wife "scampering around" the country as if she were still single and at college in the last minute, and the three friends had ended up leaving for the country without "mom".

The girls had had a wonderful time journeying through Midlands, getting to visit many historical sites and old country houses in the area or just wandering around the small towns, observing the locals and their calm way of life. Lizzy had only become a little upset when they got to Lambton. The town was adjacent to an opulent country manor which, being open for visitors some days a week in Spring and Summer, attracted tourists to the town as well as further the sleepy local business. After a nice gathering with her relatives in Lambton, Maddy made up her mind about taking her friends to visit the manor, Pemberley, much to Lizzy's dismay.

Anne and Maddy wanted to go there on the fourth day of journey, but Lizzy had said no. The two girls had no idea, but Lizzy had already met the Pemberley's owner himself, William Darcy. They had met and opposed each other in her hometown last Autumn, when his best friend Charles Bingley had rented a country house there. Their paths had crossed again in Kent last Spring, while Lizzy was paying a visit to a newlywed Charlotte Collins and her husband. At that time, Lizzy could not stand Darcy - since the very beginning, she had thought he was too proud and sure of himself for her taste.

She used to think he could not stand her either until the events in Kent proved to her it was the opposite. After having pursued her company for the whole time she spent at Charlotte's, including a night out for dinner, he had finally asked her to marry him. However, her dislike of him had grown so strong then, due to events related to her sister Jane and Darcy's friend Bingley, plus the haughty manner in which he had proposed (I know we run in different circles and that you may not be a suitable wife for me, especially when I think of your family, still I can't help loving you , he had then said) had made it impossible to her to accept him

Reacting badly to Darcy's proposal, Lizzy had rebutted his feelings for her, and accused him not only of separating Jane from Bingley, but of also ruining George Wickham, Darcy's "friend" from childhood. Darcy did not defend himself at that night, but he wrote a letter to her explaining about his "interference" on Jane and Bingley's affair as well as the truth of his relation with Wickham.

Although Lizzy could not forgive Darcy in which concerned her sister and his friend, even if he had acted protectively towards Bingley as a brother would have done so, she could not feel less guilty about the manner she had defended Wickham. Through Darcy's letter, Lizzy had come to know that Wickham had lied about everything and everyone, and she had bought all of them without even giving them a second thought. Worse than this, she had used these false premises to accuse and attack Darcy. She could not be more ashamed of herself.

She did not regret having refused Darcy's proposal, yet for months she had blamed herself for having being so stupid and blind for taking Wickham's side and criticizing Darcy for something he had never done. Thus, when she saw herself in the neighbourhood of Pemberley, she could not help dreading a meeting with Darcy - what would he think of her? Could they be civil to each other? Would he talk to her or just walk on by, pretending he did not know her at all?

Those were Lizzy's thoughts four days ago, while Anne and Maddy were attempting to persuade her to go and see Pemberley. The recollection of the past events made Lizzy smile bitterly and put her chin on her knees. "How would Anne and Maddy have reacted if they'd known that the owner of Pemberley himself had asked me to be his wife? The 'mistress' of this estate they wanted so much to stop by." She sighed.

Her thoughts came back anew to her friends' obstinacy. The two of them had worn down Lizzy's resolution by tiring her - they had first pleaded with her, then threatened to make known that she snored ( a lie!) and finally argued that Pemberley was not different from any other house they had visited in the area and they could not thus understand why Lizzy refused to go. Cornered, she gave in, but not before getting assured that the family was not at Pemberley at that moment.

Lizzy grinned anew and arranged her cream cotton night-gown over her knees. "But Maddy was right, I'd never seen such a beautiful manor as Pemberley." Her musings drove her now to four days ago, when she had firstly seen Pemberley House standing in the middle of a vast park far-reaching of woods and prairie - it had been breathtaking. On seeing her face, Maddy had stopped the car and allowed her to have a better view of the blue lake shining under the sun, having the impressive building mirrored on its waters.

Inside the house, Lizzy's amazement had grown even more. They had visited the part of the manor open for tourists and, despite the additions and alterations made to adapt the house to more modern tastes and facilities, the core of its refinement had remained. However, nothing could have astonished her more than the positive comments she had heard about the Pemberley's owner. From the gardener to the housekeeper, a thin woman in her late fifties, it was unanimous that the "master" was the best man in the world - a nice, attentive and concerned master, a caring son (when the late Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were alive) and brother.

This different outline of a man she used to believe being rather the opposite had made Lizzy wonder. She had stayed in front of a portrait of him, studying his handsome face and enigmatic smile, attempting to come to understand what lay behind the apparent calm and cold mask. The same one he had already undressed in Kent, displaying a passionate side she would never have thought him capable of.

Still trying to put together the different opinions she had about the man to the ones she had just heard from his staff, Lizzy had strolled through the house getting apart from her group. Her wandering around had not lasted long though, as going round the corner into the Main Hall she had literally bumped into a tall figure. In a matter of seconds she had lost her balance and would have fallen, had not the tall man held her close to his chest. She had then fixed her eyes on the pale yellow smart shirt first, to slowly look up to the man's open collar which allowed her to see the light shade of bronze of his high chest and neck, causing the hair on her neck to stand.

Even now Lizzy could feel shivery as she had on that occasion, when her eyes had finally met the ones of her "rescuer". "Mr. Darcy!" She had then exclaimed, appalled for having met William Darcy again and at his very house. Her confusion and unease were mirrored in his face, and he ended up stating in his turn, "Miss Bennet!" Lizzy had remained in his arms for endless seconds until Darcy realised he was still holding her and, somewhat disconcerted, he had released her.

Both of them had taken a step back and, unable to look at each other, struggled to find a neutral subject. Darcy had come to his senses first and asked, "Are your parents in good health?", putting his hands inside his back pockets.

"In excellent health, thanks", she had answered and looked up at him. "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to intrude." She had breathed, attempting to slow down her heartbeats. "I mean, we'd never have come if we'd known the family was around."

"It's not a problem at all." He had smiled a little, making that dimple in his chin come to life. "I've just arrived myself." He took his hands off the pockets and put them in front of him, circling the ring in his right hand with the left. "After a hectic week in Greece I was in need of a break at home. Where are you staying?"

Hectic indeed! One's only got to look at his tan to know. She had thought in mockery, before stammering a reply, "I-I see. My friends and I are at the Sheep Inn." Lizzy had felt naked near him - wearing a white T-shirt, blue shorts and sandals, her hair in an ugly pony tail, she looked like a high school girl rather than a woman in her late twenties. On the other hand, Darcy looked perfectly well, if a little thinner than last Spring. His bronzed skin enhanced his masculine nose and chin, and his eyes seemed even deeper and quite mysterious than the normal. Her eyes went down in their observation and she could not help noticing how well he looked in jeans, the cloth revealing well-made thighs.

He had caught her gaze and she had blushed in response, but pretending he had not done so, he had commented, "Of course." He rested his height in the right leg and asked, "Are your parents well? And your sisters?"

"They're all well, thanks." Lizzy had discreetly laughed at his awkwardness - he had repeated the question about her family - yet she had been far from being at ease either. Her consequent effort to find anything to comment on was interrupted by Darcy's suddenly taking leave,

"If you'll excuse me, I have to make an important call to Brussels ", he had said in a lower voice.

Lizzy had nodded her acknowledgment and seen him stride through the Main Hall towards one of the corridors that led to the private quarters of the house. Hardly had she sighed in relief and she had been surrounded by Anne and Maddy.

"The Pemberley's owner himself, I presume." Maddy had stated, her blue eyes shining in mirth.

"He's gorgeous, Lizzy." Anne had continued. Despite Anne's love life being close to nil, she was a deep-seated romantic. "And he seems to be a perfect gentleman." She broadly smiled, as if giving Lizzy her support to go after him.

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Lizzy had exclaimed waving her hands in the air, heading to the door. "I should never have come!" She could not help wondering what he might have thought of meeting her, who had treated him so badly in Kent last Spring, strolling around the rooms of his house. To make things worse, he had behaved perfectly well, absolutely civil to her, even if a little surprised by her visit. With such thoughts in mind, Lizzy had opened the door and left the imposing house with her friends at her heels. The bright summer sunshine had made the girls frown, as they had got used to the pale light inside.

"What happened? Were you taking a turn in the private wing of the house and he caught you red-handed? Was he curt with you?"

Maddy's questions had made Lizzy's head swirl and she only replied, "Oh, nothing! Nothing!"

But Anne had insisted, "Nothing? But you've just run out of the house as if you'd seen a ghost."

Lizzy had stopped short and turned around, "You may bet I have!"

Anne and Maddy had halted too and looked at each other, then at Lizzy. Finally, Maddy had put her hands on her hips and asked, "What the hell is going on here, Elizabeth Louise Bennet?"

Lizzy had sighed, opening her arms in apology, "I know I should've told you his name before."

"His name?" Lizzy's two friends had inquired almost in chorus.

"William Darcy doesn't ring a bell, does it?" It was a rhetorical question, as Lizzy already knew the answer.

"I grew up listening about the Darcys, I know William Darcy's Pemberley's owner and the guy you've just met in the Hall, but what?" Maddy had shrugged her shoulders and put her golden hair behind her ears.

"My sister and dad have already mentioned the Darcys a couple of times as one of the most 'illustrious families of the country', but I can't see the connection to you, Lizzy." Anne had completed in curiosity, her green eyes as always a mirror of her thoughts and feelings.

"How about Charles Bingley?" Lizzy had offered.

"The moron who dumped your sister last Autumn?" Maddy had looked incredulous. "I thought you (and I hope Jane as well) had already forgotten him and his friend --"

"Mr. Proud-Derrière." Anne had laughed but suddenly stopped. "Wait a minute. Now I realise you've never told us the guy's real name, Lizzy."

"Exactly." Lizzy had crossed her arms and waited .

"It can't be! You mean, is he the jerk who snubbed you at the Country Club party and later used to stare strangely at you every time you met until his friend fled from Jane's life?" Maddy had seemed not to believe in her friend.

"The one who treated George so poorly?" Anne could not talk about George Wickham without adding "poor" or "unfortunate" to his name, once she had been rather touched by the man's story of his unfair treatment by "Mr. Proud-Derriere". Somehow she was always affected by people who had been wrongly judged by their (lack of) money and status.

"Yep." It had been Lizzy's only answer, granting to herself that she would have to find a manner to tell the girls the "truth" about George.

"The picture of Mr. Darcy provided by his staff is quite different from what George or even you described about to me, Lizzy. Could his employees have been forced to give us such a view of the man only because he's the boss?" Maddy had wondered.

"I don't think so. They sounded rather natural in their praise of him - they seemed more than thankful to him, I dare say." Anne had disagreed.

Lizzy had not replied to her friends and before long she had directed herself through the carefully cut lawn towards Maddy's car, with the girls trying to catch up with her. So strong was Lizzy's desire to get away from Pemberley that she had not noticed the object of the girls' discussion approaching them through a shortcut.

"Elizabeth!" Lizzy had stopped in her tracks and spun around to look at a rather gasping Darcy coming towards her. "Forgive me for not having welcomed you properly few minutes ago." He had pointed out at the car and said, "You're not leaving, are you?"

"I'm afraid we are. We've already invaded your privacy too much today." Lizzy could not believe he had come back to talk to her. I wonder why.

"Not at all." He had grinned, making Lizzy even more embarrassed at her situation, as he had seemed even more civil than their previous meeting inside the house. "How did you like Pemberley?"

"It's delightful. I confess I'd never seen so charmed by a place before." Lizzy had started, but noticing that her choice of words could have been misunderstood by Darcy, she had become mute.

"I'm glad you approve of Pemberley . It's hard to get a praise from you, which makes it much more worthy." He had sounded relieved.

I can only be dreaming! He can't be here in front of me eager to please me, she had mused. "I--" Yet she had been interrupted by Darcy's comment, after he had looked over her shoulder and seen Anne and Maddy,

"I guess they're the friends you've mentioned. Would you introduce me to them?"

"Sure." Lizzy couldn't understand at that moment why Darcy had wanted to meet her friends. Anne was from a well-to-do family, like him, but she could hardly be spotted as a posh lass, being quite simple and a little shy. Maddy was as an ordinary girl as Lizzy was herself, the kind of people she had already seen Darcy scorn a couple of times and whom he would run away from as soon as good manners allowed.

Once again, he had proved her wrong - hardly had she made the introductions, and Darcy started a pleasing chat with the two girls, not only charming Maddy with his talk about the pleasant days of his childhood between Pemberley and Lambton, but also breaking the shell of the timid Anne, making her laugh her head off at a joke on Derbyshire's men and sheep.

Darcy had invited them to have some refreshments at his house, which the girls had declined. Still, he had offered to take them to a walk through the well landscaped garden around the stone building. He had been proud explaining that the house had been built in the eighteenth century and, through the ages, some rooms of it had been remodeled. However, the garden had never been altered - no abolishment of hills, no artificial lakes, no Classical statues. Everything had been kept as it used to be when the Darcys had first settled their residence in Derbyshire.

Such a "speech" could have been grasped as a conceited way of rattling on about his family and himself. It had not been so, though. Actually, the girls could notice he was only very happy for talking about something he liked as well as answering their list of questions. While Darcy had been in such a way involved, Maddy had grabbed the opportunity to whisper to Lizzy,

"Are you sure he's Mr. Proud-Derriere, Lizzy? He's been so sweet I think it hard to believe that he was a perfect jerk at your hometown."

"I'm as dumbfounded as you are, dear! I can't see why he's doing this." Lizzy had admitted.

"Can't you?" Maddy had winked at her.

Again, he can't behave like this for my pleasure only. He can't have changed so much, can he? If so, why? He can't be still in love with me! Lizzy couldn't help wondering.

The walk around the building had taken a good half an hour, with the group stopping here and there to look at the house, to have a different view of the lake, or only to see the roses and camellias in bloom. When they had finally got to the path that leads to the parking area where Maddy car was, Darcy had discreetly changed places to come near Lizzy. Maddy and Anne had also noticed his maneuver and slowly, but decidedly, wandered a good distance from them.

Still at a loss concerning Darcy's desire to be near her, Lizzy had walked in silence for few minutes, pretending to be enjoying the view of the daffodils in a nearby path to a small birds observatory. Realising where her gaze had been resting on, Darcy had asked,

"Would you like to go to the observatory? It isn't the best time to do so, but I think you could have an idea of the wildlife at Pemberley."

"I'm afraid it won't be possible." Lizzy had looked at him only to see a bit of disappointment cloud over his eyes. She had then looked straight of him and saw Anne and Mandy waiting for her next to the latter's car. "We really must go, we're going to have dinner with one of Maddy's friends who live in Lambton and it's getting late."

"I see."

"Again, I'm sorry for having bothered you at your place." Lizzy had started.

"Oh, not a problem at all! I decided to come home a day earlier I was expected by Mrs. Reynolds because I had to settle some things out before my sister and some friends arrived here." He had hesitated a little. "Err... Bingley and his sisters are coming with Georgiana to stay for few days."

"Ah!" It had been Lizzy's only reply. She couldn't help thinking of the last time Bingley's name had been spoken by them and in which circumstances. Apparently, it had had the same effect on Darcy, as he had seemed quite uncomfortable and had once again put his hands inside their pockets, like a little boy afraid of having displeased a beloved relative.

Both of them had gone on in the path in silence, only hearing the sound of their feet over the small cobbles until Darcy had anew broken the silence, "Elizabeth... Ahn... Would it be too much if I took my sister to meet you while your stay in Lambton?"

I can't believe in my ears! He wants me to meet his sister! But why, oh why? Lizzy had thought, still she had managed to say, "I - It'll be a pleasure to meet her."

"Thank you."

They had finally reached Maddy's car and, after saying goodbye to the girls, he had helped Lizzy got into the blue PT Cruiser, his hand holding hers a little bit longer than the usual. His soft but firm touch would still be felt many hours later. "Have a safe trip back town, ladies. I hope to see all of you again." Darcy had said, but his eyes had never left Lizzy's.

While Maddy had driven off the parking lot towards the path to the main gate, Lizzy could not help turning around only to see Darcy standing in the same place where the car had been parked, looking at the car leaving his estate. And there he had remained, likewise Lizzy had kept her head turned to the spot where he was until the first bend on the road had finally separated their gazes.

Four nights ago, she had not been able to concentrate on talk at the dinner table at all, although she could remember hearing Maddy's friends speak well about the Darcys - in spite of their being somewhat reserved, nobody in the town could deny that they were considered nice people, always willing to help the local community. The same could not be stated about George Wickham, who was known for having left many debts behind, all of them paid off by Will Darcy.

That night Lizzy had only fallen asleep after a couple of hours tossing, her thoughts always turning back to Darcy - what did he think when he met her at his house? Why did he wish her to meet his sister? Could he still be in love with her after everything that had transpired between them? Even after that rainy night in Kent?

Four days had passed by, and being in his constant company, first as a visitor at Pemberley then as Georgiana's guest, had not helped to solve out such questions. Quite the contrary, the more she wondered about the nature of Darcy's feelings for her, the more confused she became concerning her own heart. In the beginning, Lizzy had not known that their meeting again would definitely change her mind about him. However, this short period of time had showed much more of him than all the many meetings they had had prior to Kent. This is what had bothered her for the last days and caused her restlessness tonight.

"How funny things are! I couldn't stand listening to his voice few months ago and now I'm here, cherishing all the moments we've been together. Ridiculous!" Lizzy nodded her head, reproaching herself. "But this reaction seem now to be so distant I could swear I'd dreamt of it." And she remembered the first time she had seen Will Darcy - it had been last Autumn...

To Be Continued

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