Masks and Mysteries ~ Section I

By Elke

Section I, Next Section

Chapter 1

Posted on Wednesday, 16 April 2003

Elizabeth savoured the fresh breeze coming from the sea. Her little cousins were on the mend, therefore her uncle had taken her along with him to the warehouse. Mr. Gardiner was aware of how hard it was for Lizzy to stay indoors for so long, so he was all the more thankful for her constant help and never ending patience and good humour with the ill children. He knew of her faible for ships and the „Tar Pomoga“ was due with the incoming tide. That and the fact that he had forgotten some important papers in the contour was the reason for them being down at the harbour on a Sunday in the otherwise empty warehouse.

Elizabeth was well aware of the possible unpleasantness that awaited unaccompanied young women near a port but her quick wit and one of her uncle´s walking sticks seemed protection enough combined with the fact that she was within shouting distance of her uncle´s establishment.

Lizzy raised her face to the sun and sniffed in the air. It was a running gag in the family that she was able to smell the turn of the tide - the somewhat stale odour of the River Thames was replaced by the salty, fresher wind that spoke of countries and places far away. Her nose however told her not to expect the regal ship with four masts for some time, so she enjoyed herself just being there in the warm April weather and watching the bustle at the pier about hundred yards ahead.

Somebody singing a shanty slightly off tune made her turn her head. A man dressed like a harbour official sauntered down to the pier. He looked like he hadn't slept that night with his wrinkled cloths and shadow on his cheeks but was in a fabulous mood nonetheless. A passing sailor's enquiry revealed the source of this - with a pat to his pockets the man told of his luck at the card tables. Elizabeth smiled to herself in her hiding place among some barrels and was about to direct her attention to the sea again when a movement in the corner of her eye made her look closer. A somberly clad, masked figure with somewhat military bearing was standing in the shadows of some crates a little up the way on the other side of the road connecting her uncle's warehouse with the pier. The mask didn't disturb Lizzy greatly, she had seen quite of few sailors wearing them. In her younger days she used to fantasize about them being pirates until her uncle explained to her that usually the men wore them to hide a disfigurement caused by some exotic diseases or wounds from a battle. What did strike Lizzy odd about the man was that he clearly tried to stay hidden and that he seemed to expect somebody not from the pier but from the other direction.

She craned her neck and saw a man dressed like a gentleman just passing Mr. Gardiner's warehouse. His slow gait spoke of absentmindedness, he seemed to be very much out of place in this surrounding. Lizzy pondered whether her long confinement with her poor cousins had triggered her imagination to be even more lively than otherwise when she suddenly realised that she knew the man who was approaching the pier.

Usually he walked with much more confidence and he appeared to be thinner than the last time she saw him but there was no mistaking him for anybody else than Mr. Darcy! Elizabeth knew not what to think or whether and where to hide. However - there was no time left, he was nearly at the barrels where she sat partly hidden.

Mr. Darcy seemed to have been the person the masked man was waiting for because he approached quickly to catch up with him. Their meeting was likely to give Lizzy an opportunity to escape unnoticed. She was about to make her way round the barrels on the other side when she saw steel flashing.

Chapter Two

The masked man was attacking Mr. Darcy from behind with a sword. Elizabeth involuntarily cried out, „No! “which made Darcy turn in her direction. The attacker still managed to hit his left shoulder. Lizzy grabbed her walking stick and hit the man on the ribcage knocking the air out of him and leaving him momentarily stunned on the ground. She took Mr. Darcy, who had turned a ghastly grey, by the elbow and dragged him along to Mr. Gardiner's warehouse.

„Uncle, uncle, come quick! “

Mr. Darcy struggled to keep on his feet and Lizzy glanced back to his attacker. They were about twenty yards from the backdoor of the warehouse - the man looked at them for a moment and then turned around and left quickly.

Mr. Gardiner appeared at the door and helped to guide Mr. Darcy inside. They leaned him on the counter. Lizzy's uncle quickly locked the backdoor and turned back to them just in time to catch Mr. Darcy from falling. Mr. Gardiner was worried by the amount of blood seeping through Darcy's waistcoat.

„Lizzy, help me to lay him on the table. There, much better.“

There was not nearly as much conviction in his speech as Lizzy would have liked.

„I will lock you in - no one can break the door without a battering ram - and go and fetch a doctor." Elizabeth nodded.

„Just try to keep him awake until I´m back with the doctor.“

As soon as she heard the key turn in the lock she took a closer look at Darcy. He was lying very still with eyes closed and very pale, looking not severe but very vulnerable. His breathing was shallow and even his cravat was already reddening from blood.

„Mr. Darcy, can you hear me? “

He opened his eyes slowly. Elizabeth couldn't fathom what he was thinking or whether he recognised her at all.

She remembered an accident on Longbourn farm about eight years ago. A gardener had hit himself with an axe on the thigh just above the knee. Whilst all the others just watched in horror the gushing blood her father had moved quicker than she ever had seen him do and had used his tie for a compressive. The doctor had assured them that Mr. Bennet's fast action had saved the gardener's life.

Elizabeth had observed all this from an upstairs window while Jane had herded the little ones into a room at the other side of the house thus preventing them to see what was likely to give them quite a shock.

„Somebody attacked you with a sword. My uncle is gone to fetch a doctor, everything will be all right.“

Elizabeth knew herself to be babbling but couldn't do anything about it. Fear gripped her as Darcy didn't seem to respond at all.

„Do you recognize me?“

A ghost of a smile appeared briefly on his face.

Lizzy wished desperately for somebody to help but was conscious that her uncle was gone but a few minutes and that he would be gone quite some time as it was Sunday and the doctor would not be found in his surgery.

Darcy's face was turning even whither and if his blood loss had caused him to be dizzy first now the seriousness of the situation seemed to register in his mind and Lizzy saw the despair in his eyes. She knew she had to do something, she couldn't just watch him bleeding to death. Touching his hand she found it to be cold. She draped her cloak over his legs and with a deep breath started to remove his neck cloth. Then she tried to open his waistcoat. This was a difficult task as the cloth was saturated with blood. All the while she talked to Darcy.

„Look at me, do not close your eyes. The doctor will come soon. Does it hurt? Forgive my babbling. Can you talk?“

Elizabeth was loosing patience with the waistcoat buttons. The room they were in was used for packaging goods before they were delivered or shipped of. On a board above the counter she found scissors.

Cutting with great care the waistcoat and shirt she soon located the wound. Lizzy's knowledge of human anatomy was limited but the stab seemed to be too high on the left shoulder to have perforated the lung. It must have hit, however, a major blood vessel. Elizabeth tried to wipe away some of the blood with the cut shirt which caused Darcy to moan. She spotted a large flat pebble on the windowsill, weighting down some papers. It was a bit dusty therefore she wrapped it in a ripped off piece of her petticoat before pressing it on the wound. This was painful for Darcy. Elizabeth shot him an apologetic look.

„I hope to stop the bleeding. Try not to move.“

She wiped around the wound again and was very much relieved that it worked! A little bit of blood still seeped from under her makeshift compressive but not nearly as much as before. Lizzy secured the stone as tightly as possible with Darcy's cravat. She pulled her cloak further up to keep Darcy warm. When she took his hand again it was still ice cold. His fingers fastened around hers.

„Miss Bennet, please, if I ..., when I, ... please look after Georgiana.“

His voice was so low she had to lean closer to understand him. Pressing his hand she said, „Just hold on, the doctor will be coming soon, you will not ... that is you will be well again soon and enjoy the company of your sister.“

With even more urgency he pleaded, „Please, look after her, she will need a friend.“

„Shh, I promise, do not worry. Just hold on.“

„And tell Bingley that I was wrong. He is in Scarborough. I didn't want to write about your ... that is I wanted to talk to him in person. I ...“

„Don't worry, everything will turn out all right, just hold on ...“

„I never wanted to harm you in any way, please, I want to apologize for causing you pain.“

„Shh, all is forgiven, just hold on and get well again.“

„Elizabeth, I ...“

Darcy's voice was nearly inaudible by then. Elizabeth was now truly frightened for him. She pressed his hand again but got no response. She didn't know what to think or feel but right at this moment there was nothing more important than his getting well again.

„Mr. Darcy, please, open your eyes! Look at me!“

He didn't react and his pallor was frightening.

„Mr. Darcy, Fitzwilliam, please stay with me!“

With difficulty he opened his eyes. There she read an utter trust, an unerring devotion that left her numb. When he closed his eyes again with a sigh she cradled his head with her arm whilst still holding his hand in her other hand.

„Oh where is that wretched doctor.“

Lizzy started crying.

Chapter Three

The key turned in the lock. Lizzy carefully laid Darcy's head down and stepped back from the counter. Mr. Gardiner ushered the doctor into the room. Dr. Smythe was a small man with a kind face. When he saw Darcy he moved with determination. Elizabeth anxiously watched his face for some clue of Mr. Darcy's condition.

„Was it a knife or a sword ?“

Elizabeth spoke up, „ A sword. And it appeared to be a forceful attack.“

Dr. Smythe nodded thoughtfully.

„ ´Tis certainly a deep stab and judging from the amount of blood here it most certainly punctured the main blood vessel leading to his left arm.“

Mr. Gardiner interrupted. „What can be done for Mr. Darcy? Could he be moved to somewhere more comfortable?“

The doctor wiggled his head doubtfully.

„We have to be very carefully in moving him, the wound must not start bleeding again.“ Elizabeth couldn't wait any longer.

„But he will be well again, won´t he?“

Smythe gazed at her sympathetically before answering slowly.

„The only reason he is still alive and might even keep his arm is that you managed to stop the bleeding. He is young however, in good shape and his pulse is steady though weak - if we can move him where I can treat him properly and if he doesn't get feverish there is a reasonable chance of recovery.“

Mr. Gardiner had procured a blanket to keep Darcy warm and gave Lizzy back her cloak. Finally everything caught up with her and she had to sit down.

„Do you know this gentleman? Do you know where he lives?“ Dr. Smythe asked.

„Mr. Darcy of Pemberley, Derbyshire. I believe his townhouse is on _____ Square.“ Mr. Gardiner answered.

Dr. Smythe frowned. „That is too far.“

„I believe his uncle is the Earl of Matlock.“ Elisabeth told them.

The doctor nodded. „I know his townhouse. It is about half a mile from the park up the road and as the roads are quite good we can risk moving Mr. Darcy there in a carriage with good springing.“

Mr. Gardiner took the doctor to his office where he penned a note for the Earl of Matlock.

Elizabeth stepped closer to the counter. She sensed that Darcy was not conscious but felt compelled to do something nonetheless. Taking his hand in hers and brushing an erand curl from his forehead she leaned closer and whispered urgently.

„Please hold on. I know you can't hear me but I want you to know I never wished you any harm and I am deeply sorry to have caused you pain.“

Darcy, still very pale, looked very young and actually quite peacefully. Lizzy desperately wished to be able to convey some of her strength to him for a recovery.

As she heard the men returning she pressed his hand once again and resumed her seat.

Mr. Gardiner and Dr. Smythe had decided it to be the best course of action that Mr. Gardiner would call on the Earl of Matlock in person and explain the situation rather than sending an errand boy. Dr. Smythe was to stay with the patient and an errand boy was sent to Gracechurch Street for the Gardiner´s manservant to assist Elizabeth on her way home.

„I'll be fine, Uncle Gardiner, do not worry on my account.“

„I know you are a level headed young woman not prone to hysterics but I fear the strain will be too much.“

With that he boarded his coach for _____ Square.

Lizzy had not to wait for long. Sam didn't ask any questions. Elizabeth donned her cloak and with a parting glance and saying her thanks and goodbyes to Dr. Smythe they set off for the short walk to Gracechurch Street.

Elizabeth addressed Sam, „There has been an accident near the warehouse, we were able to help.“

„Pardon, Miss, you are awfully pale. Should I try to get a hansom?“

„No, thank you, Sam. The walk will do me good.“

Mrs. Gardiner and the children had gone for a short walk in the park nearby. Elizabeth asked her aunt's housekeeper to draw her bath. When she saw the startled look of the maid at her bloodstained clothes she told again the tale of the accident. Relaxing in the warm bath she allowed her tears to flow freely though she still was too stunned to think properly about what had happened.

With a soft knock Mrs. Gardiner enquired, „May I come in, Lizzy?“

The housekeeper - upon seeing Elizabeth's appearance - had the good sense to send for her mistress.

Despite the warm bath Mrs. Gardiner found a trembling Elizabeth. She didn't ask any questions but helped her to clean up and wrapped her securely in a robe and a blanked. A maid appeared with hot milk laced with honey.

Often interrupted by fresh tears Lizzy managed to give her aunt an account of what had happened. Mrs. Gardiner suggested Lizzy to lie down. To this Lizzy appeased but only after eliciting a promise from her aunt to wake her immediately upon Mr. Gardiner's return.

Chapter Four

Posted on Saturday, 19 April 2003

When Elizabeth awoke two hours later she felt composed enough to dress and go downstairs. Mr. Gardiner had not returned yet. Mrs. Gardiner didn't talk about the recent events but gently managed to occupy Lizzy's thoughts with small talk and games with the children. Upon hearing the front door the children were sent up to their nanny and tea for Mr. Gardiner was ordered.

Not wanting to burst forth with the question furthermost on her mind in the presence of the maid Lizzy searched her uncle's face for some clue. At last they were alone and Mr. Gardiner quickly assured her that all was as well as could be expected. Mr. Darcy's transport had gone smoothly and upon closer examination Dr. Smythe detected no signs of an imminent fever. Thankfully the Earl of Matlock had been at home and had taken matters in his hands with calm reassurance.

Mr. Gardiner's delay was due a prolonged talk with the Earl in which he vented his opinion that the vicious attack should be reported to the authorities. The Earl didn't want to do so, he despised his family's exposure to public attention when it was likely a random attempted robbery and nothing was to be gained by involving the police. Mr. Gardiner promised his secrecy and to obtain from Lizzy a detailed account on what had happened and possibly a description of the attacker. Both men had parted in mutual respect upon agreeing on a further meeting in the cause of a few days.

Shortly after dinner Elizabeth pledged fatigue and went upstairs. Mrs. Gardiner followed her with assurances that she could come to her any time at night if she felt in need of someone to talk to.

„I appreciate your concern, Aunt. I think I will be all right with a little time in my own to think everything through.“

„ You are a brave young woman, Lizzy and I know that you are not prone to hysterics but today's events would have been a shock for anyone, even if one didn't know the injured person. I know you, my dear niece, you have a compassionate heart and are of a generous nature - I know that even if you are not particularly fond of Mr. Darcy you must feel strongly about what happened to him.“

„I hardly know what to think or feel, Aunt.“

„Just as well. I only beg of you to give yourself time and to allow yourself to be appalled and shocked, it is only natural.“

„You are the kindest and wisest of aunts, I am very glad to be your niece. Rest assured that I will turn to you if I'm in need of a sympathetic listener. - I find myself surprised of myself. I didn't think of propriety for one moment when I cut Mr. Darcy's shirt and did what I did. I do not know what to make of it.“

„Mr. Darcy is very lucky that you are such a sensible and quick-witted person who doesn't have a false sense of shame. My husband told me that the doctor repeatedly stressed the point that Mr. Darcy wouldn't have stood a chance if you hadn't stopped the bleeding when you did. Rules of propriety are important in the day to day run of life but not when faced with such a situation as you found yourself in.“

„I am truly glad that he is safe for now and do hope for a speedy recovery.“

„Do not worry too much, Mr. Darcy is young and in good shape and he will surely have the best care at his uncle's house.“

„I will try to keep that in mind and try to get some sleep, I feel totally exhausted.“

„Good night, my dear.“

„Good night, Aunt Gardiner.“

Chapter Five

Sleep didn't come easily for Elizabeth. Close to midnight she got up again. Maybe if she tried to write everything down, including a description of the attacker for her uncle to give to Lord Matlock she would be able to sleep.

Task accomplished Elizabeth was still unable to find some sleep. She found that she no longer could avoid examining her feelings closer. Before this morning she perceived Darcy as no longer to have acted dishonorable but still being conceited and proud. Or so she thought. In the last weeks her anger at being addressed like he did that fateful evening at Hunsford had faded somewhat. She had taken into consideration that there might be more to Darcy than what was obvious.

She had striven to avoid thinking about Mr. Darcy after Hunsford, her ill cousins a welcome distraction. But at closer examination she had to admit to herself that she couldn't help but feel flattered by his violent declaration of love. Lizzy didn't think him to be stupid, she was quite sure that if he would have been able to think rationally where she was concerned he would have addressed her differently. Of course it had been wrong to be so very sure of acceptance, on the other hand - why propose if not sure of a positive answer? `T was no use to ponder about Mr. Darcy's feelings and motivations, her own heart was to be examined closely.

He was handsome, if not a necessity though a welcomed asset in a suitor. He was intelligent and well read, traits without which Elizabeth absolutely couldn't do in a husband. Husband? Lizzy quickly forced her musings to back away from such a thought. He kept himself aloof in company, quite likely a mixture of natural unease and not giving himself the trouble.

With a sigh Elizabeth had to conclude that it wasn't a monstrous error on Darcy's part to mistake her lively manners as her returning his affections. What was on her side sometimes just bare civility, sometimes voluntary challenge and a sport in his eyes must have been flirtation. This revelations gained even more weight when added to Lizzy's shame over blindly trusting Wickham.

What puzzled her further was Darcy's entrusting Georgiana in her care in case of ... - she didn't finish the thought. After such a refusal he still trusted her with his sister, the most important person in the world for him. Lizzy was perfectly aware that she couldn't do anything legally concerning Georgiana but she was resolved to keep her promise, to somehow befriend the young woman and to be her guardian angel. Come to think of it - Elizabeth really had meant it when she assured Darcy that she bore him no ill will, that all was forgiven. Those weren't words spoken just to pacify a dying man. Lizzy couldn't and wouldn't give her feelings towards Darcy a name like regard or friendship or love but she knew deep down in her heart that she would loose her peace of mind should he perish.

Chapter Six

Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner had a long talk that evening. Concern for Lizzy was uppermost in their minds. Mr. Gardiner also vented a suspicion that there might be more to the relationship between Lizzy and Darcy than their niece let on. They were sure however that Lizzy would turn to them if in need of a confidante and was generally too sensible to do anything rash.

Whether to tell everyone in Longbourn was a different question. Between Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner it was agreed that Mr. Bennet should be appraised. They were to ask Lizzy's opinion on this but felt it necessary that her father knew what had happened.

Lizzy came down to breakfast as usual. When the children scampered off with their nanny the Gardiners and Lizzy withdrew to Mr. Gardiner's study.

„I have no news from Lord Matlock but I didn't expect some anyhow. And there isn't anything in the papers.“

„The papers?“ Lizzy quipped.

„The obituaries, dear,“ Mrs. Gardiner explained with a sympathetic pat on Lizzy's knee.

„Oh.“

„Lizzy, what do you think about telling at Longbourn what happened yesterday?“

„I thought of confiding in Jane but I'm afraid it would disturb her greatly, she is such an affectionate soul.“

„I think you are right in that aspect. Your aunt and I would recommend however that you tell your father. You might feel the aftermath of events and require a confidante, I think your father fits that role.“

„I'd rather not tell him. I fear he will get angry with you for allowing me to be down at the warehouse.“

„No, Lizzy, this shouldn't be a reason for not telling him, your aunt and I will bear the brunt of his anger, G-d knows I have been blaming myself as well.“

„Uncle, there is no need for that as you know. A more selfish reason for not telling Father is, that he quite likely wouldn't react reasonably, I am afraid that he won't allow me as much freedom as before. He tends to be overprotective where it concerns me.“

Mrs. Gardiner spoke up, „If you insist, Lizzy. Just know that you can always come, that you can always write and that we will support you in case you would want to confide in your father later.“

Agreed on this they rose to attend to their various duties when the maid announced Mr. Bennet.

Chapter 7

Posted on Monday, 21 April 2003

„Good morning to you all,“ Mr. Bennet announced cheerfully.

„Thomas, this is unexpected. Welcome!“

„Good morning, Father. I do hope nothing of a serious matter has arisen to bring you to London.“

„Do not worry, child. It is more a tedious than a serious matter but by having the pleasure of being able to take you home with me it will soon be forgotten. You remember the east meadow bordering on Sir Lucas´ estate? I was going to exchange that for another meadow plus a right of way most advantageously. Because of the entail Mr. Collins has to give his permission. A letter of him to the solicitor would have been quite enough, he insisted however to meet in person at the solicitor's. I wouldn't have yielded to this request if not for bringing you home a bit earlier than expected.“

With a twinkle he added, „He wouldn't want to escape the formidable Lady Catherine de Bourgh for a day on this pretense, would he?“

„No, Father, nothing could induce him to that - I rather suspect that Charlotte couldn´t resist the chance of a quiet day on her own. Although she seems content enough on the whole.“

„Be it as it might. I am off to the solicitor´s. Would it disrupt any plans of yours greatly if Lizzy and I depart tomorrow morning?“

It was agreed upon. When Mr. Bennet left for the Temple Inns Lizzy went upstairs to pack.

The next morning Mrs. Gardiner hugged her far more fiercely than on similar occasions before for which Lizzy was grateful. She knew it to be irrational but she dreaded leaving London; here she felt closer to Mr. Darcy than in Hertfordshire and the fact that all news of his wellbeing would reach her with two days delay didn´t make her go home with an easier mind.

Alas, there was nothing to be done about it.

Having just admitted to herself that Mr. Darcy´s well-being was - for whatever reasons - vital for her own equanimity, Lizzy didn´t feel ready to discuss this with her aunt, much less her father.

When finally seated in Mr. Bennet´s carriage her father commented, „You do look pale, Lizzy.“

„Do not worry, Father. I was glad to repay Aunt and Uncle Gardiner some of their kindness to me by tending my little cousins. I must admit though that I missed my usual walks.“

„Well, let´s hope the Hertfordshire air puts some color onto your face soon.“

Mr. Bennet started to unfold the newspaper and Lizzy didn´t dare to ask for the society pages, something she never did and that would mean to be teased about by her father for the rest of the journey. Elizabeth looked out of the window, trying to think of somebody else than Mr. Darcy. ´How glad Jane will be.´ Jane wouldn´t complain but Elizabeth was sure that she felt the strain of her mother´s and younger sister´s company sometimes just as acutely.

Tossing the paper aside Mr. Bennet settled for a nap. Lizzy quickly scanned the obituaries and to her relief found no familiar name. She decided to take everything day by day and not for the first time since the attack on Mr. Darcy reminded herself to be more patient and less quick with rendering judgment on the people around her. Dreadful things happened all too quickly and then it was too late. She made the resolution of bearing her mother´s nerves with good cheer and to make more efforts in the education of her younger sisters.

Chapter 8

„No news are good news,“ kept Elizabeth muttering to herself all the way down from Oakham Mount.

The past two days had been busy - her mother had constantly been asking about the latest fashion in London (which had been her least concern during her stay there), her sisters had told her about the latest news in the neighbourhood, Lydia and Kitty had wanted to know which one had trimmed her new bonnet smarter, Mary had wanted to discuss her recent dicoveries of pearls of wisdom out of `Fordyce´s Sermons´ ...

On one hand Lizzy had been glad about the distraction, on the other hand she found that she could stand only as much. Jane worried her. They had resumed their bedtime talks and Lizzy quickly sensed the underlying sadness in Jane´s forced serenity. She felt all the more the impossibility of burdening Jane with her own worries.

Today, Friday, was the earliest Elizabeth could expect to hear from Mr. Gardiner about what he had learnt of Darcy´s state from Lord Matlock during his visit on Wednesday. She would have to wait for Monday though.

Upon returning to Longbourn she found the household aflutter. Mrs. Bennet had had a visit from Mrs. Phillips who in turn had brought the most astonishing piece of news: the housekeeper of Netherfield had received an express to reopen the house and prepare everything for the return of its master.

Lizzy couldn´t help but notice the hopeful glow on Jane´s countenance and did her best to shield her elder sister from Mrs. Bennet´s unwanted advice and reprimands about how Jane was to secure Mr. Bingley this time.

Elizabeth herself anticipated Mr. Bingley´s arrival with eagerness. She allowed herself to hope because Bingley´s sudden return to Hertfordshire could only mean that Darcy was well enough to ask Bingley for a visit and make a clean breast of his past interference. Lizzy was torn between hope and caution, Bingley was a jumpy creature after all, maybe something had happened in Scarborough that had prompted his return to Netherfield without having seen Darcy, or without even knowing of his injury.

Saturday brought rain and Jane and Lizzy fled the noisy drawing room. They applied themselves to the task of going over their stock of dried herbs and flowers in the still room, also checking jars and glasses for cracks.

Lydia and Kitty were not interested in the process of making creams and perfumed water, they only pilfered the shelves when their elder sisters were finished. Mary on the other hand could hardly be persuaded to use a little cream of calendula for her hands - she was too afraid of committing the mortal sin of vanity when using lavender water.

Quite a few sighs escaped the sisters whilst diligently working in practised ease alongside each other. Elizabeth´s playful nature finally won over and after catching Jane´s eye they both broke into a fit of giggles.

„What a sad sight do we present,“ Lizzy managed to say after some minutes.

„Not for very much longer if we are to believe Mama.“ - That was as far as Jane would go in criticizing their mother.

„He has legally rented the place after all,“ Lizzy added with a wink, to which Jane threatingly rose a jar.

Chapter 9

A bright sunny morning broke on Sunday. Lizzy rose early enough to go for a walk in the misty, dew covered meadows before church. She felt herself being truly calm for the first time since last Sunday.

Tomorrow or the day after Mr. Bingley would arrive and possibly he would have news of Mr. Darcy. Even if not - by then a letter from her aunt would come.

Elizabeth felt a strange serenity envelope her. She had taken her time the previous evenings to think about her acquaintance with Mr. Darcy so far. She had scolded herself for her blindness. When viewed without her prejudices their interaction looked vastly different now. Darcy had born her barbs with great patience, he had staid calm when questioned in the most impertinent manner (how could he talk of Wickham and Georgiana in a ballroom?), he had distinguished her as early as the Netherfield ball when she had been the only Hertfordshire lady he danced with.

Furthermore Elizabeth finally connected in her mind her aunt´s stories about the magnificent manor near Lambton - about how proficiently and just the estate was run, about how generous the family was to the poor - with Pemberley and the Darcy name. And it registered with her that all this and the care for an eleven year old orphaned girl was Darcy´s responsibility from the age of 23 on or perhaps even earlier, if the elder Mr. Darcy´s illness had forced his son to take over sooner.

Only now was Elizabeth able to understand some traits of Darcy´s character and also the great compliment he had paid her by choosing her for his partner in life. She was sure now that she wished him every happiness in the world, she was not sure however to what extent this happiness should depend on her.

Slightly out of breath Lizzy met her family assembled for the short walk to the church. Lagging behind with Jane she nearly run into her mother when Mrs Bennet stopped abruptly.

„Mr. Bingley! We didn´t expect you so soon! Welcome back to Hertfordshire,“ Mrs. Bennet cried.

Jane blushed furiously and Mr. Bingley for once didn´t know what to say or where to look. Mr. Bennet ushered his wife and younger daughters into the church, leaving Lizzy and Jane with Mr. Bingley outside.

Jane overcame her embarrassment and politely addressed him, „Good morning, Mr. Bingley, it is good to see you. I trust you are in good health?“

„Oh, yes, Miss Bennet, I am in very good health and I am glad to be back in Hertfordshire.“

Both didn´t seem to know what to say else.

Elizabeth couldn´t contain herself any longer and asked, „And you family and your friends are all in good health too?“

At this Jane shot her a puzzled glance which didn´t go unnoticed by Bingley.

„My family members are in excellent health, thank you. As for my friends - Darcy had an unfortunate accident, he will take some time to recover fully from it, but when I visited him on Friday he was well enough again to be already annoyed by being confined to bed.“

Lizzy could hardly keep herself from laughing and dancing so overcome she was with relief. Tears of joy threatened to rise in her eyes but Jane unwittingly saved her from further drawing attention from late churchgoers to them by reminding them of the time.

Chapter 10

Posted on Tuesday, 22 April 2003

A letter from Mrs. Gardiner to her niece Elizabeth Bennet which reached Longbourne the following morning.

My dear niece,

Before any preliminary niceties - Mr. Darcy is out of danger. He didn´t get any fever and will in time be able to use his arm as before.

On Tuesday I had a surprising visitor: Miss Darcy called on us. She is a sweet girl who seemed - to my astonishment - to be afraid of us. I tried to put her at ease for she is painfully shy. This is another fact Wickham has deceived us about, for no one could mistake the girl´s demeanor for pride. The presence of the children helped Miss Darcy to get comfortable enough to explain the purpose of her visit. Apparently her brother had told her of your help when gaining consciousness again and sent her to enquire after your health and to express his thanks.

Miss Darcy was very disappointed to find you gone and bade me to express her heartfelt thanks too. She clearly worships her brother and is still shocked because of the attack. I assured them on your account and do hope that I was right - my dear Lizzy, I know you will be very glad now and I only hope that the past week has been bearable for you.

Give my best regards to your family.

Your Aunt Gardiner

A letter from Mr. Bingley to Mr. Darcy, written Sunday evening.

Dear Darcy,

I do hope your recovery goes well. As much as hoping this for your sake it is a selfish hope; I do not want to presume too much where I once presumed too little but after attending tea at my beloved`s house I am quite sure to be in need of a best man soon. And if I´m not completely mistaken the maid of honor will be pleased with your presence at the wedding as well. Miss Elizabeth´s smile at hearing of your comparatively well being would have illuminated winter solstice night.You have been very sly I have to say! You are to blame if she is to be dubbed an Enthusiast by the people of Longbourn parish because the joyful rise of her lovely voice like a lark on a summer´s day didn´t go unnoticed by others. Give my best regards to Georgiana and get yourself to Hertfordshire quickly!

Your very elated Charles

Upon reading - or rather deciphering - this missive Mr. Darcy felt that if not for the distress all this had brought to his family, especially to Georgiana, he might even be able to be grateful to his attacker.

Chapter 11

Elizabeth walked on clouds.

The amount of relief she felt upon hearing that Darcy was out of danger made her realise her own feelings finally. The sentiments shared with Mr. Darcy during their time in the warehouse and those expressed by him by sending his sister to the Gardiner´s so soon gave her reasonable hope that the gentleman´s feelings for her were still unchanged.

Therefore she allowed herself to be in love. Sometimes reason wanted to intrude - nothing was settled after all - but soon Elizabeth´s cheerful disposition won again. She felt for sure to have found the one person that complemented her personality perfectly and her hopes for her feelings to be returned were not at all unreasonable.

The whole household was in exceedingly good spirits as Jane´s and Bingley´s happiness with each other was nearly palpable - Lizzy would have to be forced hard to entertain gloomy thoughts.

During a walk with Bingley and her sisters she had managed to caution him that no one, not even Jane was aware of what had happened at the pier. Bingley assured her that he wouldn´t have mentioned it anyway out of fear of causing her pain with the memory.

Elizabeth often acted as a chaperone to Jane and Bingley. Most of the time she left them to themselves but when they were all talking she tried to manipulate Bingley to tell stories which involved Darcy.
Sometimes he shot her a knowing look that made her blush.

One evening in Lizzy´s bedroom Jane enquired, “Lizzy, upon hearing so many favourably things about Mr. Darcy you cannot continue to think so ill of him.“

„Oh, no, Jane. In fact, I already began to reconsider my opinion of him when I met him in Kent.“

„I am very happy to hear this, with him being Mr. Bingley´s best friend I think you will be in his company quite often. I wouldn't want you to be uneasy because of me.“

„Jane, you sly thing! Did Mr. Bingley propose?“

„Oh, Lizzy, I am the happiest woman in the world for Charles and I are to be married.“

The sisters spent a very agreeable evening talking about many pleasant things.

In her first relatively quiet moment in the flurry of events following the official announcement of Jane's engagement Elizabeth tried to find out what had bothered her these previous days. Something was logged in the back of her mind, something she felt she ought to remember. It had to do with the vicious attack on Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth tried to envision everything in detail but to no avail. She would have to be patient.

Help came from an unexpected source. The whole Bennet clan and the Bingelys and the Hursts had been at a party at Lucas Lodge. Elizabeth was passing Sir Lucas who was standing near the hearth, obviously the proud host and quite pleased with himself for having provided a splendid evening´s entertainment for his dear neighbours. He was humming quietly to himself, no tune from the previous dances but a shanty. This triggered Elizabeth's memory: It was the same melody the card player at the pier had sung shortly before the attack on Mr. Darcy occurred.

She went out on the balcony. There a realisation hit her full force and cold fear gripped her heart as she realised that Mr. Darcy's life was still in very grave danger.

Chapter 12

Posted on Wednesday, 23 April 2003

The masked man had been standing there even before the drunk with his pockets full of money from the card table had passed them. Furthermore, if not the very appearance of that passer by would have marked him an easy prey for a robber the masked man was as near to him as Elizabeth herself and must have heard the revealing dialogue between a sailor and the drunk about the latter's good luck.

This was no common robbery, it was a premeditated attack - the masked man had been waiting especially for Mr. Darcy. Also the thrust of the attacker was meant to be deadly and not to frighten somebody enough to hand over valuables.

Mr. Darcy had not had business in his mind when walking down to the pier. His slow gait and thoughtful stance spoke of different intensions. Furthermore Elizabeth was quite convinced that he wouldn't conduct any business on the day of the Lord. For a gentleman like Mr. Darcy to have a social appointment on Sunday morning on the pier was also highly unlikely.

From what she remembered he had seemed to have no aim at all lest to stroll down to the harbour and watch the sea and ships. For him to do just this didn't strike her as impossible, he seemed to be not too fond of the city and maybe he experienced - like herself - this craving for open spaces, for clean air, for peace and quiet when forced to be in town too long. Parks and the harbour were the only places in London where Elizabeth felt she could breathe freely and where she wasn't overwhelmed by the buzz of the town. Considering Darcy's reluctance to social encounters this left only the harbour if he wanted some time to himself outside. She couldn't imagine him to divulge such private yearnings to everyone therefore his enemy must be someone who knew him well and maybe whom he trusted.

Wickham would be someone to know if Darcy had a habit of disappearing sometimes for a whiff of sea air. The attack had been on Sunday April 26th. Elizabeth would have to ascertain the whereabouts of Wickham and his closest friends on that day.

A casual enquiry however revealed this particular Sunday as the date of a celebration of the Philips's wedding anniversary where all the officers had been present.

Elizabeth thought of apprising her uncle of her fears but quickly overthrew this idea as the Gardiners had already left for their tour of the Lakes and she didn't have an exact schedule of their travels. A letter would reach Mr. Gardiner - if at all - surely belated. Lizzy didn't think Darcy to be in any danger as long as he was confined to the house but felt that time was crucial as he would soon be well enough to leave the house and possibly give his enemy - whoever it was - another opportunity to carry out his murderous plans.

After much deliberation Elizabeth resolved on the only sensible course of action - to write to Mr. Darcy herself.

Chapter 13

Elizabeth could send the letter to Darcy by herself. Thereby she would risk her reputation because such an action would be noted in the Meryton post office and at the very best people would gossip.

Her second option would be to tell her father everything and ask him to write the letter or allow her to enclose her letter. Elizabeth was very reluctant to do this, her father was quite unpredictable when it concerned herself. She thought it not too unlikely that his wrath would prevent her from contacting Darcy at all if she didn't manage to convince him entirely of Darcy being in imminent danger.

This left her with a last option: to confide in Mr. Bingley. Lizzy forced herself to examine the possibility of Bingley being the mysterious attacker. Events of the last six months had taught her not to take everyone for face value but in the case of Bingley it just didn't seem possible. For the sake of Jane it couldn't be possible! Elizabeth tried hard to think of something that eliminated Bingley as a suspect - yes, there it was: the attacker had had nearly the same height as Mr. Darcy. Furthermore she remembered the villain to be more heavy set than Bingley and to move with military precision - things that hardly could be faked.

After ascertaining how the letter would reach Mr. Darcy the missive was to be written. Elizabeth went for a walk but close to the peak of Oakham Mount she still hadn't decided whether to open her letter with „Mr. Darcy,“ or „Dear Mr Darcy“. She had to try a different approach, she would write as her heart dictated and then smooth out as common sense told her.

Longbourne, May the 8th 1812

Dear Mr. Darcy,

For dear he was to her and she thought it not the right moment to be missih.

Please forgive me the impropriety of writing this letter. I would have communicated what I have to say through my aunt and uncle but they are touring the Lakes and I thought quick action to be in order. I remembered something about the vicious attack on you that convinced me that it was premeditated, that you were not the victim of a random robbery. Let me explain: Minutes before you came down to the pier a drunken man passed who talked loudly about his winnings at the card table. The masked man was already there - if he was waiting for somebody to rob, this drunkard would have been the logical target.

Please, Sir, take care. I have made enquiries as to the whereabouts of W. and his closest friends on this particular Sunday and have found out that they are all accounted for by reliable people.

The next problem presented itself: Elizabeth wanted to wish him a speedy recovery, wanted to assure him that she would be happy to see him at Bingley´s wedding. To put this last wish into words was not quite possible but trying to write between the lines was not a very good option either given their previous history of misunderstandings.

I was very glad when Mr. Bingley told me that you do very well in your recovery. As he hinted that you are already well enough to be annoyed by being ill I hope for your sake that your uncle keeps a good library.

Lizzy was proud of herself - he would work it out for himself that she wouldn't tease him if she had written this letter only out of a sense of duty or obligation.

I am very sorry to have missed your sisters visit. My Aunt Gardiner thinks her a lovely young lady and for my little cousin Emily she is just the embodiment of all the princesses in her fairytales. I do hope she has recovered from her shock.

If she thanked him for righting things with Bingley and Jane she might just be able to introduce the matter of his return to Hertfordshire without being too obvious.

I feel you wouldn't want to be thanked for correcting an error but I hope I'm not offending you when I thank you anyway for doing so because I am so happy for them. Jane and Mr. Bingley have made up and are very happy as you hopefully will be able to observe yourself in due time.

God bless you

Elizabeth Bennet

The only possible ending for a letter such as this.

Chapter 14

Posted on Sunday, 27 April 2003

Elizabeth felt better after having given Bingley her letter. Bingley proposed to send his letter express for which Elizabeth was grateful. She tried to reason with herself - as long as Darcy was confined to the house there won´t be any danger - but still couldn´t be really at ease until Bingley got a letter in reply.

Lizzy wondered what Darcy´s reaction in receiving her missive would be. At best he felt like she did and could gain reassurance from her words, at worst she´d grossly misinterpreted his behaviour in the warehouse - he was surely not in possession of all his senses that time - and was now making a fool of herself.

At this point Lizzy´s good sense usually took over reminding her that there were worse fates than making a fool of oneself. Furthermore Lizzy was convinced that his injury rather prompted Darcy to speak his mind openly than to voice things he didn´t mean. She wondered whether his relationship with Bingley allowed him to greet her in his letter to him. But Darcy was a very private person, it was not likely.

Lizzy had to acknowledge that she longed for an answer, for a sign, for a little hint.

Elizabeth didn´t have to wait very long.

Two days later Bingley puzzled everyone with proposing a walk in rather uncertain weather. `T was a short walk anyway, just long enough to hand Lizzy a thick letter. Lizzy had confided in Jane a few days before - not the whole story, only that by chance she had witnessed an accident where Darcy was involved. Elizabeth never felt comfortable having to withhold anything from Jane and was relieved to talk now with Bingley relatively openly in the presence of Jane and that her sister knew enough to understand why her fiancée handed her sister a letter.

After returning from their walk Bingley excused himself quickly because he didn´t want Elizabeth to be detained in the drawing room. Lizzy locked herself in her room, a rare occurance, but she wouldn´t and couldn´t afford Lydia or Kitty dashing in with a request for help with a bonnet or a shoe rose or whatever they were too impatient to fix themselves. With trembling hands she broke the seal.

London, May the 9th 1812

Dear Miss Bennet,

Thank you for your kind letter.

My uncle does indeed keep a fine library but I haven´t read anything from it these past few days as I had something more agreeable to read.

Lizzy gasped for air: That he would write back was astonishing enough but that he had dropped every pretense of propriety made her feel giddy with happiness.

Thank you for your warning, I was uneasy about the whole business but put in down to its having been a close call. When reading your letter it came all back to me, the attacker made no pretense of a robbery at all. I have no idea as to who and why but will find out. Do not worry an my account, I will be very careful.

Bingley told me of his engagement. I am happy for him and for your sister and grateful that my officious interference didn´t prevent their happiness forever. He has forgiven me most readily but I cannot forgive myself as easily - they could be married already but for my selfishness and stupidity.

Bingley has invited me to join him in Netherfield. I will heed his invitation in three or four weeks time as one of my cousins, Colonel Fitzwilliam's elder brother, needs our assistance in some scrape he got himself in, therefore we will travel to the continent shortly.

Your letter gave me hope as I scarcely allowed myself to hope before. I do not want to presume too much again when I have so grossly erred before, my feelings and wishes are unchanged but I will trust your guidance on this - one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.

Dearest Miss Bennet, I fear I have hurt you with what I thought then necessary honesty before and sincerely hope that this doesn´t happen again now but I feel that we are way beyond what could be considered an ordinary relationship. I just want you to know that - whatever direction our acquaintance will take - I am in your debt for saving my life not once but twice: you gave me reason to look at my life closely and examine my failings. For I was given good principles as a boy but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Such I have been for eight and twenty years and would have continued to be but for you.

Since my return from Kent I have striven to make amends and to be the man I always wished to be but had failed grievously and not noticed the failure on my own - for which I am thoroughly ashamed. You gave my life a new depth and meaning and for this I will be eternally grateful.

Yours

Fitzwilliam Darcy

Chapter 15

If Elizabeth had formed any expectation of how her first loveletter would be like she wouldn´t have thought it to be anything like Mr. Darcy´s letter. But now she wouldn´t exchange one word from his missive for commonly thought to be romantic phrases with comparisons to flowers, stars. Darcy´s letter showed a deep regard and respect for her and that he treated her as his equal in understanding, strength and courage. Elizabeth realized how unfit for her a suitor who put her on a pedestal like a delicate ornament would have been. Her own sarcastic wit would make her cringe should she receive sonnets full of declarations of love.

Lizzy felt she couldn´t leave her room. She just couldn´t stop smiling, she felt like laughing into everybody´s face. A bit sombering to her mood was that she felt that he took too much on hinself, that her words at Hunsford had been too harsh. On the other hand - she had a lifetime to make up for them, to assure him of her regard, to love and cherish him. She wanted to do him proud as his wife, as his partner in managing Pemberley and as mother of his children. Four weeks! It seemed a very long time.

Jane and Bingley´s wedding date was to be in six weeks time. Mrs. Bennet was at her best - lace, dress - fittings, trousseaus, flowers, ... Mr Bennet hid in his library and Lizzy strove to spend as much time outdoors as possible when she was not deflecting her mother´s attention from Jane who began to feel the strain of their mother´s ministrations.

The frequent gatherings to celebrate the engagement brought Mr Wickham in Elizabeth´s company again. After the removement of Mary King into the North he wanted to direct his attentions to Lizzy again but she let him know in a guarded manner but in no uncertain terms of her newly found knowledge of his past dealings with Darcy concerning the living.

When Lydia - upon the impending removal of the regiment - got an invitation from Mrs. Foster to accompany her to Brighton the general upheaval of the household at Longbourne was propelled into havoc. Mr. Bennet´s refusal to let her go to Brighton because of the wedding led to Lydia sulking, complaining and throwing tantrums constantly. As Elizabeth sensed that her father was close to giving in for the sake of a modicum of peace and quiet she ventured to speak to him. She tried to convince him of the dangers of leaving Lydia under the guidance of such an immature woman as Mrs Foster - in close proximity to Wickham too - and urged him to stay firm in his disapproval of Lydia´s trip to Brighton for Jane´s sake.

Bingley was it who brought some semblance of sanity into Longbourne again by demanding Lydia´s (and Kitty´s) assistance in organising a ball a week prior to the wedding where already some of his unmarried cousins were to be present.

Upon leaving for Netherfield he whispered to Lizzy „Darcy accepted my invitation to the ball already and begged my assistance in deflecting Caroline from securing his hand for the dinner dance as is usually her wont. Can you imagine why?“

Chapter 16

Days flew by with wedding preparations. Three weeks before the event Lizzy allowed herself to hope for Darcy´s immediate return. „In three or four weeks ..“ he had written, would he be able to join Bingley at Netherfield. Well, if he had departed for the continent and if his business there was concluded speedily and if he barely stopped in London upon his return ... so many „ifs“ that Lizzy had to smile because of her own folly, but still wasn´t deferred from expecting Darcy any day now.

She had been content in sharing Jane´s joy and hadn´t gone any lengths to discuss with her just how much her opinion of Darcy had changed. Jane only knew that Lizzy now was pleased to renew her acquaintance with him. Bingley was too well behaved a person to question her any closer but sometimes his looks and smiles gave away his knowledge of Lizzy´s and Darcy´s feelings of each other.

One particularly fine day Lizzy was returning from an errand at the milliner's shop in Meryton. From afar she had meant to have detected Bingley´s mount just being led to the stables and hurried her steps to the house. Bingley´s just having been in London where he had finished last details with his solicitor upon his nuptials gave her reasonable hope of his having news from Darcy. In entering through the garden gate however she perceived something to be very wrong.

Jane was sitting on a low bench at the far end of the garden and appeared to be sobbing uncontrollably. Bingley was standing nearby looking ashen, unable to comfort Jane and looking in dire need of a shoulder to cry on himself. Lizzy quickly put aside the notion of serious differences between the affianced couple, their posture didn´t indicate such a thing. Also it seemed unlikely that any financial loss or a misfortune that befell his sisters would affect him so severely.

Bingley looked positively lost in the world, but Lizzy was at loss as to why - his parents had been dead for years. Unless ... Elizabeth gasped for air as she realised where her thoughts were heading to. She felt herself go numb and a cold fear gripped her heart.

Chapter 17

Posted on Thursday, 1 May 2003

Bingley finally saw her standing there. Slowly he walked towards her and led her to the bench where Jane was sitting. He looked ten years older then when she´d seen him last time and only now she noticed the state of his clothes - he appeared to have ridden from London without stopping. Jane looked at her compassionately, taking hold of her hand.

„Elizabeth, I have very bad news I`m afraid,“ Bingley spoke with trembling voice. „There has been an accident on the ship, the sea was rough ...“

„How is he, tell me please!“ Lizzy interjected.

„Elizabeth, he fell over board. They think he was on deck due to easing sea sickness and that he must have lost his footing when a particularly high wave hit the ship. `T was a quite small ship with rather low railing. Sight was poor and no one has actually seen the accident. They only noticed when he failed to appear for tea and couldn´t be found on the ship. - I am so sorry.“

Bingley turned away to hide his tears. Lizzy sat completely silent. Her mind raced, unwilling to accept what Bingley´s narrative implied.

„Was there a search? Did they turn around to look for him? The water is not so cold to make it impossible to stay afloat for awhile.“

Bingley looked at her even more sorrowfully. „Dear sister, he didn´t stand a chance in this weather. They did search for .. ah ... for his body, but to no avail.“

Lizzy felt an unsuppressable urge to be alone. She halted Jane´s attempt to accompagny her and managed to reach her bedroom unnoticed. It couldn´t be true! Fate couldn´t be so cruel! When the realisation hit her that it indeed could be she started to weep uncontrollably.

Chapter 18

After Bingley and Jane had somewhat comforted each other they tried to think ahead about how to help Elizabeth. She wouldn´t be able to grief when forced to hide the turmoil of her feelings and it just wasn´t possible to tell the extent of her loss to everyone at Longbourne.

But they would need an ally to be able to help. It was agreed between them that they would talk to Mr.. Bennet. Jane went upstairs to Lizzy´s room. She pondered whether to respect her sister´s wish for privacy or whether to try to comfort her. After listening on the door and hearing Lizzy´s muffled sobs she decided that talking to Mr.. Bennet now, when her mother and sisters were still out would help Lizzy more than an intrusion into her privacy.

Mr. Bennet was startled when he saw the somber means of his daughter and her fiancée.

„Father, we have very bad news. We will need your help,“ Jane spoke.

Mr.. Bennet hadn´t seen Jane this serious all his life and thankfully for once didn´t think of any witticisms.

„Mr.. Bennet, my friend - Mr. Darcy that is, has died in an accident on a ship in the Channel.“

„My sincerest condolences on your loss, Mr. Bingley, I´ve got the feeling that you were very close.“

„Indeed we were, I´ve looked upon him as a brother, but it is not me who ...“

Mr. Bennet interrupted there, „Excuse my boldness, Mr. Bingley, I can understand that you want to postpone the wedding and will surely raise no objection if you are firm in your decision but I think you will be able to cope with your loss better if you are not near Meryton where memories and - I am afraid to say so - idle talk will hurt you.“

Jane and Bingley looked at each other. It bespoke the goodness of their hearts that not once a thought of how the tragedy would affect their wedding plans had entered their minds.

„We hadn´t thought about the wedding, no, Father, it is Lizzy.“ Jane said.

Mr. Bennet looked up sharply.

„It seems that my friend and Miss Elizabeth got to know each other better in Kent and when meeting accidentally in London formed an attachment - nothing clandestine or dishonorable, Sir,“ Bingley hastened to assure a by now quite agitated Mr. Bennet.

„I know for sure that Darcy had meant to declare himself when joining me at Netherfield this week. As to Miss Elizabeth´s feelings“ - at Bingley´s glance Jane took over, „She regards Mr. Darcy very highly and was looking forward to his return to Hertfordshire.“

Mr. Bennet paced the library, deep in thought.

Finally he spoke, „Lizzy and Mr. Darcy, hm, I had no idea. Upon closer inspection, I think they would have complimented each other quite formidably. Well, I am at loss at what to do, I only know that Lizzy wouldn´t give her heart lightly. This will devastate her. Jane, what are we to do?“

„I think she should go to London as quickly as possible as I am quite sure that she will want to confide in Aunt Gardiner. There she won´t be forced to keep up appearances.“

„Yes, that´s a sensible plan. I`ll write to them immediately. Now as to your wedding. I´d still recommend not to postpone it if Bingley´s feelings would allow it - Lizzy can´t stay in London indefinitely but an extended visit to a married sister might give her additional time. Mr. Bingley, what is your opinion?“

„I have reason to think that Darcy wouldn´t want us to postpone the wedding. I will not hold the ball however and - forgive me, Sir, for speaking plainly - I am aware that Darcy was not universally liked in Meryton and therefore I will hear things said that will disgust and hurt me. I cannot stand it from my own family however, I ask you to curb the behaviour of your family, for Miss Elizabeth´s sake too.“

Mr. Bennet was half annoyed at such an audacious speech and half pleased that the always accommodating Bingley would stand up for a worthy cause.

„You can count on me, son, that thought had already entered my mind.“

Chapter 19

After having spent all her tears Lizzy sat up on her bed. She listened to the sounds of the household, apparently her mother and sisters still hadn´t returned.

There was a knock on the door. Expecting Jane, Lizzy called „Enter.“

It was her father who hadn´t been to her room since she had had a particularly bad fall from a tree when the age of eleven. He sat down on the bed beside her and took her hand, „Lizzy, Jane and Bingley told me. I am very sorry for you, I wished I could have spared you this.“

Mr. Bennet ´s kind and sincere words made her cry anew.

„Papa, he is the best of men. It couldn´t have happened had´t I been so blind.“

„Lizzy, stop it, you must in no way blame yourself for rough sea on the Channel!“

„No, but if I hadn´t listened to Wickham´s slanderous words and been so violently prejudiced against Mr. Darcy we would have reached an understanding earlier and he wouldn`t have been on that ship!“

„Oh, Lizzy, dear child, please stop, this is not your fault, he´d gone to help a cousin, don´t you think that he would have gone anyway, engaged or not?“

Elizabeth was quiet for a while, she appeared to be thinking and Mr. Bennet wanted to hope that she might reach the right conclusions.

There was a look of determination on her face, „I have to ask Mr. Bingley about the particulars, if the accident was near the coast he might be lying ill somewhere and no one there to understand him.“

By now Mr. Bennet was really frightened but thought it too early to correct her irrational notions.

Lizzy knew perfectly well what her father was thinking - that she deluded herself from facing the inevitable. But she was sure that she would feel it if he really was dead. And didn´t logical reasoning demand it to examine every possibility carefully? She had to admit that chances of surviving such an accident were slim indeed - yet still it was possible, wasn´t it?

Elizabeth kept to her room the next few days with the pretense of a cold. She assured Jane and Bingley of her own conviction that Darcy wouldn´t want them to postpone the wedding.

Mr. Bennet was true to his word in keeping his family in check - the rage directed at Lydia upon her thoughtless whining about the cancelled ball was something the girl hadn´t witnessed before and therefore made quite an impression on her. Thankfully Lizzy was unaware of this.

When alone in her room sometimes desperation settled in - she had to admit that she was deluding herself and that with each passing day the chances of Darcy´s return went from slim to nonexistent.

Chapter 20

Posted on Sunday, 4 May 2003

A few days prior to the wedding the Gardiners arrived in Longbourne.

Long walks with her aunt were a relief for Elizabeth but the pain resurfaced afresh when she heard of Colonel Fitzwilliam´s - who was to be Bingley´s best man now - arrival at Netherfield. Upon paying her condolences Lizzy tried to gather as much facts about the weather and the position of the ship as possible without raising suspicion. Having dreamt of Darcy and herself not only as best man and maid of honour she now dreaded to perform the task with the Colonel as the date approached.

The day before the wedding Lizzy met a quite distraught looking Theo Lucas, Charlotte´s eldest brother, on her way to Meryton. Him being a childhood friend and good neighbour she enquired as to his troubles.

„I have to blame only myself,“ he answered, „I should known better than to play cards with the officers. I lost heavily last night and will have to use strictest economy to tide me over for the next months.“

„But ... I hope no one cheated on you, I have known you only as level headed and strictly honest at cards,“ Lizzy asked puzzled, Wickham on her mind.

„No one cheated, that would not only be dishonorable but also a very foolish thing in such confined surroundings, word would get around quickly. But there are ways to coax and trick somebody into continuing when he should stop and while I know all the schemes Wickham and his disciples are wont to apply Colonel Fitzwilliam is another matter altogether. I should have stayed out of the way of an experienced London based soldier for I´m clearly no match for his skills. Well, `t is a lesson learned.“

With that they bade farewell and continued their ways.

While Theo Lucas in no way had hinted at anything dishonorable or only improper in Colonel Fitzwilliam´s way of playing cards Lizzy corrected her mental image of him. She was however perfectly aware that psychological skills were as much needed in a good game as a good hand and furthermore that competitiveness required in a soldier would not likely be left aside when playing cards and thus required worthier stakes than matches or fish - however, gaming was not an occupation she had pictured the Colonel to be intimately acquainted with.

The night before the wedding Lizzy hardly slept. She knew that she had only distracted herself so far and would have to face the inevitable - that Darcy was dead - soon.

It was an effort only her love for her sister enabled her to make to appear tolerably cheerful throughout the ceremony and the wedding breakfast. Elizabeth knew with absolute certainty that she would not be able to keep her composure if she allowed herself to think just once of who should be standing opposite her instead of Colonel Fitzwilliam. Plastering a smile on her face she looked just past the best man´s left ear beyond him and concentrated on the angry ups and downs of the peacock feather on Miss Bingley´s headwear.

Col. Fitzwilliam didn´t appear to notice her distraction, no one noticed in fact and those who knew - Jane, Bingley and her father - wouldn´t risk her or their own composure with acknowledging it.

Elizabeth having been one of the first well-wishers to the newly married couple escaped out on the terrace for a few quiet moments before the breakfast commenced. A thoughtful looking Colonel joined her. After a few polite sentences on the service he addressed her,

„Miss Bennet, I want to ask your advice. My cousin Georgiana of course was unable to attend the wedding but begged me to convey her sincerest greetings and wishes to your sister and Bingley. I failed to do so yet because I feel Bingley still to be very much affected by Darcy´s death, I wouldn´t want to embarrass him or spoil his wedding celebrations. Having seen him often the last weeks, what would you advise me to do?“

Elizabeth had to hide her gasp at this. She lowered her head with what she hoped to be read as thoughtfulness until she trusted herself to speak.

„I think you course was wise. Wait to talk to him until you say your farwells.“

She had to partly turn away from Col. Fitzwilliam to hide her emotions but to no avail.

He was quickly at her side, „Oh, Miss Bennet, forgive me, I brought this on you. Of course you must feel Bingley´s distress through your sister, I have noticed how close you are to her. How insensitive of me.“

Elizabeth suddenly felt an overwhelming need not to be in his proximity. She summoned all her strength to convince him to let her be.

„It is nothing, Colonel, believe me. I do not like to see my sisters´s husband grieve - for his sake as much as hers.“ Col. Fitzwilliam didn´t seem to buy this explanation as sufficient for her apparent distress therefore she felt it necessary to continue.

„Though I didn´t know Mr Darcy well I was shocked to hear of his sudden demise, it does seem such a cruel twist of fate - I have been fortunate to have been spared to lose anyone of my acquaintance so young. Maybe I´m distressed because of having to face for the first time that death really can strike most unexpectedly. It gave me a great deal to think about.“ - Lizzy was surprised how easily these lies flowed from her lips and even more surprised that she felt no remorse at all about issuing them.

It seemed to satisfy the Colonel and shortly afterwards they were summoned to the table.

Chapter 21

The rest of the wedding breakfast passed in a haze for Elizabeth. After biding farewell to the newlyweds the Bennet clan and the Gardiners went back to Longbourne. Alone in her room Elizabeth pondered about Col. Fitzwilliams behaviour. He had seemed so little moved by the tragedy, Lizzy had Darcy and the Colonel believed to have been quite close. On the other hand, how little did she really know about their relationship. Furthermore was Col. Fitzwilliam as a soldier neither prone to wearing his heart on his sleeve nor as rattled by unexpected deaths as a non military person.

And hadn´t she herself been able to keep her emotions nearly at bay throughout the whole day? No, she couldn´t hold it against the Colonel that he appeared to be quite unperturbed by Darcy´s death.

Darcy´s death. She had even said it aloud today. Elizabeth settled for another sleepless night but soon the strain of today´s events took its toll and she fell asleep.

It was agreed that Elizabeth should go back to London with the Gardiners. Mrs Bennet protested, she wanted Kitty and Lydia to go if anyone should because Elizabeth had already spent weeks in London after Easter.

But the united front of her husband and the Gardiners settled the dispute quickly, Lizzy was to go to London with her aunt and uncle.

At first Mr and Mrs Gardiner had been relieved to see that Lizzy was coping but soon they were forced to acknowledge that in fact she wasn´t coming to terms with Darcy´s death at all but was still denying that it had happened. Mr Gardiner pointed out to his wife that she - Mrs Gardiner - would most likely be the person Lizzy would listen to and that she should try to make her niece see reason.

Mrs Gardiner however wanted to give Lizzy more time still and let her reach the conclusion that there was no hope of Darcy miraculously returning and that she should try to get on with her life on her own. Mr Gardiner acquiesced to this cause of action but both agreed upon monitoring Lizzy closely - they wouldn´t want their favourite niece lose her grasp of reality forever.

Lizzy spent her time in Cheapside either with her little cousins or perusing every book or chart on the channel and its tide. Even without seeing the worried faces of her relatives when doing so she knew that it was the stuff of romance novels - Darcy lying with amnesia in a fishing hut on the Belgian coast. She told herself that she was only trying to find out where his body would have been washed ashore but still clung to her hopes. The evenings alone in her room proved to be most difficult, then she couldn´t keep the despair that was threatening to engulf her at bay.

And then there were the nightmares - when she was trying to reach Darcy and either her feet weren´t moving or he was being snatched away from her just as she had reached him.

From one particularly bad dream she awoke panting and covered in sweat - she had actually seen who was dragging Darcy away. The direction the dream suggested seemed so unbelievable, so outrageous - it made her shiver even more. But she would have to examine the possibility and - after changing in dry nightclothes - she finally slept undisturbed for the reminder of the night - Elizabeth had a purpose.

Chapter 22

Lizzy was the first down at the breakfast table. Drinking a cup of tea she mentally made a list of what to do.

Her suspicion still felt outrageous and she was inclined to dismiss it as what it was - a bad dream. But after only examining it perfunctorily she had to take it seriously - too many coincidences there. She had given Darcy her promise to look after Georgiana and if her suspicion proved to be true Miss Darcy could be in danger as well.

It was Col. Fitzwilliam´s face Elizabeth had seen in her dream, distorted with fury but his face nonetheless. First she had shoved that notion aside as ridiculous but upon closer examination everything fit: growing up with Darcy he would know when it was likely that Darcy would go to the harbour; the military bearing of the attacker and his height.

As to why the Colonel would do something like murdering his cousin - Elizabeth knew from her reading that usually it came down to either love or greed.

In this case it could be a combination of both - his telling her that the second son of an earl couldn`t marry where he chooses gained more weight suddenly. It was possible that he lacked the money to marry the woman he loved ... A dreadful possibility popped up in Elizabeth´s head. Could it be about herself? Col. Fitzwilliam would have recognised Darcy´s partiality for herself. She didn´t think the Colonel to be in love with her but couldn´t be sure of her ability to discern such feelings - she hadn´t noticed Darcy´s love for her after all.

As to greed: Theo Lucas´ tale could be a clue as well. Col. Fitzwilliam wouldn´t be the first man to be driven to desperate actions by gambling debts.

Elizabeth had no way of learning the contents of Mr. Darcy´s will but his father´s will was a matter of public record at Somerset House. She thought it likely that Mr Darcy would provide means for Col. Fitzwilliam to enable him to resign from the military should he himself die before Georgiana was of age because she would need a guardian at home, not one who didn´t know when and to where his next assignment may take him. And for such a provision Elizabeth hoped to find a clue in the will of Mr. Darcy´s father. She tried not to speculate before she had written proof but couldn´t help thinking that it would present a powerful motive for Darcy´s murder.

What weighted even more was the fact that Col. Fitzwilliam had been on the same ship as Darcy. Elizabeth now saw how easy it would have been - just a slight push - and nothing short of an eyewitness would proof it to be murder rather than an accident should the body be discovered. And as the weather and the sight had been very poor a casual observer would be hard pressed to tell the difference between a push and an attempt to save a stumbling friend.

Elizabeth told her aunt that she had to „look something up“ and let her assume that she would go to the library where she had been before for sea charts and the like. Not telling the whole truth made her uneasy but - so she told herself - it was a necessary omission for the sake of Georgiana. Furthermore Lizzy knew her task to be quite a wild goose chase and wouldn´t want to worry her aunt unduly.

Chapter 23

The clerk at Somerset House looked surprised - women didn´t usually venture there - but asked no questions and vanished to procure the requested document.

When he finally returned with Mr. George Darcy´s will Elizabeth took the surprisingly thick bundle of papers and settled on one of the tables provided for reading and copying. She skimmed the first pages quickly until she found the paragraphs about Georgiana´s guardianship. There it was! If Mr Darcy died before Georgiana´s twenty-first birthday a family lawyer was to join Col. Fitzwilliam in guardianship and the Colonel was to receive 20 000 pounds plus a living in Derbyshire in order to enable him to quit the military. At twenty-one Georgiana was to inherit Pemberley, should she fail to reach that age the whole estate was to go to Colonel Fitzwilliam. Elizabeth shuddered. Georgiana was in grave danger. Even if the Colonel didn´t plan to murder her as well because it would raise suspicion it didn´t seem unlikely that he might marry her. And eventually his true character would surface and then Georgiana would know or at least suspect that she had married her brother´s murderer.

Elizabeth copied down everything that seemed necessary and then perused the rest of the document. The amount of donations surprised her - from a bedridden old servant to several schools and orphanages - Mr George Darcy generously supported them all. Clearly more than a tenth of the estates worth per annum went to the poor.

As Lizzy had no reason to assume that the son would be less generous than the father this first filled her with shame for so easily believing Wickham´s tales about the Darcys but later she was proud of her beloved and his family and understood better just how much responsibility rested upon his shoulders.

A small paragraph detailed the bequest of the Kympton living to Mr Wickham. What Darcy had failed to tell her in his letter after Hunsford was that his father requested in his will that Wickham was to receive 1500 pounds in lieu should he chose not to enter the church. Wickham had received this sum doubled and still not refrained from blackening the reputation of his childhood companion.

After returning the papers to the clerk and making a short detour to the library Elizabeth slowly sauntered home to Gracechurch Street. She knew that she would need the Gardiners support in protecting Gerorgiana and possibly bringing Col. Fitzwilliam to justice - that she didn´t think to be possible but resolved on trying anyway.

Chapter 24

Posted on Wednesday, 7 May 2003

Elizabeth´s hope that Darcy would return was vanished - nearly. Sometimes when her spirits hit rock bottom she allowed herself to indulge in fantasies of his returning, to picture herself on the pier and him embarking from a ship. But deep down in her heart she knew that it was vain, that she'd better accustom herself to the fact that her dreams were not meant to come true.

Elizabeth was aware of her aunt's and uncle's hesitation to address this topic with her and resolved on speaking to them as a first step towards gaining their help with protecting Georgiana.
One evening after dinner seemed to be the perfect moment. Elizabeth assured them of her no longer expecting Darcy´s return. She didn't try to con ceil her anguish over this but managed to convey to them that she was sure to cope somehow, eventually. The Gardiners showed their relief on this and again and again assured her of their unerring support - unspoken between them stood Lizzy´s conviction of never marrying.

„I am afraid I will worry you afresh now but I beg you to hear me out and take your time to consider whether there is any truth in what I plan to tell you.“

She then proceeded to take them along with her growing suspicions and then certainty of Col. Fitzwilliam´s guilt and the conclusive danger for Georgiana. Furthermore she didn´t omit this time Mr. Darcy´s desperate plea in the warehouse to look after his sister should he perish and made them understand of how she felt bound to the promise given then.

Mrs Gardiner looked indeed sorrowful but kept her counsel. Mr Gardiner however had leaned forward eagerly during Lizzy´s tale and now took his wife´s hand reassuringly.

„Lizzy, you must not feel uneasy in mentioning your suspicions, Maddy, don´t worry too much on Lizzy´s account. - Your narrative - as astounding and unbelievable it may sound - fits perfectly with some rumours I have heard in the city. I first discarded them as malicious gossip, but in light of your tale they may well be true. Mind you, no one indicated any foul play on Col. Fitzwilliams side, no. It was merely said that there are some disagreements regarding Mr Darcy´s will, that the appointed executioners of the will do not agree upon when to act. Appointed are apparently a Mr. Richardson, the family lawyer, and someone from the Fitzwilliam family, I am not sure as to whether Col. Fitzwilliam or his elder brother or his father. The lawyer wants to wait the period of time required by the law after someone goes missing at sea when no body is discovered which is six months. After this period the person can be declared dead and the will can be executed.“

„There you see!“ Lizzy interjected.

„Well, this alone proves nothing for apparently the Fitzwilliam family argued that some decision regarding Georgiana´s future should be made earlier than that for her sake. And there's truth in this, she will be able to come to terms easier if she knows where she will live and if she is not kept in false hope by awaiting the pass of the legally required period. Furthermore with the situation in France, it is also in Georgiana´s interest if her remaining guardian is able to resign immediately - he could be sent to war any moment. You see - it can be seen both ways, either that the Fitzwilliam family doesn´t want Georgiana´s future to be hindered by formalities and spare the girl as much uncertainty and anxiety as possible or that Col Fitzwilliam is in dire need of his 20 000 pounds.“

Here Mr Gardiner paused. Mrs Gardiner seemed to be lost in thoughts and Lizzy quickly scanned her conclusions for any flaws. There were non - yet her uncle was right; the Colonel could be entirely innocent, the attack a robbery and Mr Darcy´s drowning an accident.

Mrs Gardiner spoke up, „I cannot be convinced of the Colonel´s guilt but the possibility must not be discarded. Trying to befriend Miss Darcy can´t do any harm, can it?“

Mr Gardiner nodded his consent, „Yes, I think the wisest course of action would be that I will keep my ears open in the city and that you two try to establish an acquaintance with Miss Darcy. This would have been quite impossible to accomplish before but when the Bingleys return from their honeymoon they can be helpful in this.“

Lizzy agreed eagerly, Mrs Gardiner however had the last word, „Edward, Lizzy, we must not forget that we have to be very careful - if our suspicions prove not to be true - which I still do hope - and anyone hears of them, our families and the Bingleys will be ruined. If they are true we must keep in mind that even if we can deliver proof for Col. Fitzwilliam´s guilt, the Earl of Matlock might want to protect his son and the family name. We must be very careful, not just for Georgiana´s sake but also for our sake and that of our children.“

Chapter 25

As it was nearing mid July the Bingleys were expected back at home any day now. Mr Gardiner didn´t find out anything conclusive but a lot of his acquaintances in business and law where in the country at this time of year. Mrs Gardiner had found out that Miss Darcy indeed was in London, staying at the Matlock townhouse, deep in mourning of course. That meant she didn´t attend any social events and both Lizzy and Mrs Gardiner felt a visit without an invitation or to attend the church Miss Darcy was likely to visit was out of the question.

They had to wait for the Bingleys. Lizzy longed for Jane´s return in particular. The gentleness and goodness of her sister always had a soothing effect on her. Until the desired event Lizzy strove not to wallow in despair but to be of use to her aunt and uncle. During the day she sometimes managed not to think of him. It would have been against her very character - to do things she did not with all her heart. When playing with her cousins she was the kind and funny Aunt Lizzy as always, she only chose not to read any stories with dark-haired princes in them. In the evenings Elizabeth allowed her mind to wander freely - she talked to Darcy about anything, she imagined how their life would have been, she tried to envision him.

A happy coincidence helped Mrs Gardiner and Elizabeth. They were visiting an orphanage managed by Mrs Burton, an old friend of Mrs Gardiner from Lambton. The orphanage was not in need of any charity from them, it was very well run compared to others. Nevertheless visited Mrs Gardiner her friend quite often for a chat, sometimes bringing books and toys, sometimes teaching the elder girls fine needlepoint and once she even had had a pupil on the piano there, a very gifted girl. Mrs Gardiner never thought to mention it and Lizzy never asked, therefore she was unaware that the institute had been founded by Anne Darcy and was still financed by that family. And she couldn´t know that Darcy and his sister visited there too, that the very swing she watched the children playing with had been brought by Mr Darcy when he last visited in April.

After greeting Mrs Burton Lizzy had excused herself to go and play with the children as was her wont when visiting. She passed the courtyard with the new swing and went to the schoolroom from where she heard the piano.

An unexpected sight greeted her: A young woman, scarcely more than a girl, in a charcoal dress set at the piano, a small child on her lap, and was teaching her young charge a children's song, much to the delight of the other children assembled ´round the piano. Lizzy stood in the door when one of the older girls named Anne noticed her.

„Miss Lizzy, do come in!“

The young woman stood up startled and dropped to an awkward curtsey, the child still in her arms. Lizzy did likewise. Anne stepped forward „Miss Georgiana, may I introduce Miss Lizzy. Miss Lizzy, this is Miss Georgiana.“

Both had to smile at this. Lizzy spoke first, „I am delighted to make your acquaintance, my name is Elizabeth Bennet. Please accept my apologies for my untimely interruption. - Anne, you are quite a young lady already, thank you for the introduction.“

The girl blushed and the other children giggled. The young woman looked at her curiously and addressed Lizzy, „Yes, Anne is, isn´t she? You didn't interrupt. My name is Georgiana Darcy, I am pleased to make your acquaintance as well.“

It seemed to Lizzy that she was about to say more but couldn´t bring herself to it. Lizzy saw all the ease Miss Darcy had shown when alone with the children vanish and her shyness settle in again. Unsure of how to proceed - to offer condolences might cost them both their composure - Elizabeth smiled at her and chose to try to set Miss Darcy at ease again by asking, „ Do you teach the children here regularly?“

„I do not visit here often enough for that but I try to encourage them whenever I am here. Usually I spend half of the year in the country, at home at P ...“

Her voice began to falter and Lizzy quickly turned to the still assembled children.

„Will you excuse us, please? Anne, take the little ones into the courtyard, please.“

Miss Darcy was weighted down with grief and had such a forlorn air about her that Lizzy´s heart went out to her. When the last child had scampered off she stepped closer and took Miss Darcy´s elbow.

„Dear Miss Darcy,“ Georgiana looked up with tear-filled eyes, „Won't you sit down? Shall I get you a glass of water?“

The girl declined the water but sat down on the piano bench. Her hands were cold and trembling and Lizzy gently rubbed some warmth into them. There were no appropriate words to console her, Lizzy could only try to help her keeping her composure - losing it in front of a stranger would only rattle Miss Darcy further.

With a deep sigh Miss Darcy summoned her strength - grieve stricken as she was, she was still a Darcy. Lizzy let go of her hands with an apologetic smile and asked her „Shall we play?“

Miss Darcy was surprised by that request but quickly selected music for four hands. After some confusion as to their seating arrangements they started.

Chapter 26

Playing the piano seemed to have the same effect as children on Miss Darcy because after they had finished an easy sonatine with a flourish she had regained enough confidence to enquire,

„Are you from Hertfordshire, Miss Bennet?“

„Indeed I am, I live in Longbourne, near Meryton. Mr Bingley´s estate Netherfield is but three miles from my home.“

„My brother mentioned making your acquaintance when visiting Mr Bingley last autumn.“

The mention of her brother seemed to overwhelm Miss Darcy anew. Wringing her hands in her lap she looked like trying to make up her mind. Then she turned round to face Elizabeth and addressed her,

„Is it really terrible wrong of me that I cannot stop expecting Fitzwilliam to come through the door any moment? My family is very kind but still - I can sense them thinking that I should move on.“

Now Elizabeth´s composure was at risk for this very question figured heavily in her life as well.

„No, I don´t think you are wrong. You alone are to determine when you hopes cease to be what they are and turn into dreams or fond memories.“

Elizabeth tried very hard not to give herself away but on closer introspection thought it quite likely that Miss Darcy at least must have an inkling as to how her brother regarded Elizabeth because otherwise she wouldn´t have spoken as she had. To talk openly about this was out of the question, both women felt it too early in their acquaintance for such revelations and in mutual understanding they rose to join Mrs Burton and Mrs Gardiner at tea.

A third lady was introduced as Mrs Annesley, Miss Darcy´s companion, who had been in the nursery when Lizzy and her aunt had arrived. Miss Darcy and Lizzy had both much to think on and therefore the elder ladies carried the conversation. When saying their goodbyes Mrs Gardiner issued an invitation for the next day to Miss Darcy which was gladly taken up.

On their way home Mrs Gardiner and Lizzy discussed their meeting with Georgiana. Mrs Gardiner thought her to have lost weight since her last visit and Elizabeth remarked upon the quite unexpected swings between extreme shyness and quite bold speech.

Mrs Gardiner thought this - the boldness - a combination of Georgiana´s knowledge of her brother´s relationship with Lizzy and the possible effect of grief - to gain strength for overcoming her shyness. Both women however sensed that the past weeks had put a terrible strain on Georgiana and even if she might show some desperate bravery around Elizabeth they would have to treat her very carefully. Hearing of her other guardian's terrible betrayal - murdering her beloved brother - would be enough to put her over the edge. If they ever were to bring Col. Fitzwilliam - still not proven guilty - to justice, it would have to be done without Georgiana´s knowledge.

At home a pleasant surprise awaited them. A note from the Bingleys had arrived, stating them to be all well but exhausted - they had only arrived in London this afternoon - and announcing a visit for the morrow.

Though Lizzy was overjoyed with the prospect of seeing Jane again soon this evening it proved to be very difficult for her to find sleep. Miss Darcy didn´t resemble her brother greatly but enough to give Lizzy a heavy heart. She had meant every word of advice she had given Georgiana. Had any body asked her before, she would have affirmed that her hopes long had turned into dreams and that she knew the difference between the two.

Yet hope is a strange thing. One is sure to have relinquished it and then if resurfaces all of a sudden. And so Lizzy cried herself to sleep over the image of Fitzwilliam Darcy coming through the door - just as Miss Darcy.

Chapter 27

Posted on Sunday, 11 May 2003

The morning brought a joyful reunion of the two sisters. Jane radiated happiness and Mr Bingley - Charles now to them - was in his usual high spirits. The children were delighted with their gifts as well as the adults.

When Miss Darcy together with Mrs Annesley called a spell was cast over all as especially Charles and Georgiana were affected by their knowledge of who was missing in this setting. But Jane and Mrs Gardiner managed to bridge the awkwardness with comparing their views of various sights in the Lake District - where the Bingleys had spent their honeymoon - and managed to draw Miss Darcy into the conversation who had visited the area as well as a child with her father.

Even if during this visit Lizzy and Georgiana had no opportunity for a private exchange they grew more at ease with each other and agreed upon visiting each other regularly.

The Gardiners together with Lizzy thought it too soon to acquaint the Bingleys with their suspicions and fears for Georgiana´s safety and postponed their revelation to the following Friday when a family dinner was planned.

The said Friday, when all dishes were cleared, Mr Gardiner and Charles withdrew to the study. This afforded Jane with the opportunity to speak privately with Elizabeth as Mrs Gardiner was occupied upstairs with the children. Jane had seen the underlying sadness in Elizabeth´s demeanor but still was shocked to hear from her sister the whole extent of her sorrow. As Jane was visibly shaken Elizabeth began to fear that all this would be too much for her gentle sister. But after regaining her composure Jane showed that underneath her serenity a quiet strength was to be found. As much as Jane was inclined to think the best of everybody she met she was also fiercely loyal to her family and her compassionate and generous heart made her want to protect young Georgiana in any case.

When Mrs Gardiner was down again the women joined the gentlemen in the study as there was less likelihood of being overheard there. Charles was looking very grave and sad. He felt the betrayal of his friend acutely and - after stating that Col Fitzwilliam could be innocent - agreed with the others that the possible danger for Georgiana outweighed any concern of falsely accusing the Colonel.

Charles had to add another piece of information: The thought of Col. Fitzwilliam possibly wanting to marry Miss Darcy in the future had entered his mind a few months ago upon the Colonel´s remarking in how much grown up Georgiana was - a remark that had rang in Bingley´s ears not entirely as that of a proud guardian only.

It was agreed that the Bingleys would alter their plans. They were to stay in London instead of retiring to Netherfield thus giving inconspicious means of seeing Georgiana regularly. Bingley sometimes had called on the Matlocks together with Darcy or the Colonel, it would not be frowned upon if he continued to do so.

Elizabeth could be included in this visits and she longed to go because she wanted to see with her own eyes where Georgiana lived, whether she was been looked after by kind people. But she was also afraid of betraying anything should she encounter Col Fitzwilliam during such a call. They thought it wise that Bingley would call alone at first, trying to find out the Colonel´s schedule. Legal questions were also pondered upon: there wouldn´t be any evidence and a confession was highly unlikely. If they could convince the Earl of Matlock of his younger son´s guilt it would depend on him. Mr Gardiner, from his brief acquaintance, thought the Earl to be an honest and just man but pointed out that one couldn´t predict his actions in a matter that would destroy his son and possibly tarnish his family´s name forever.

Chapter 28

The days passed. Charles had called on Georgiana at the Matlock´s townhouse, first alone and then to introduce his wife. The Bingleys hadn´t seen the Colonel on either visit, only Lady Matlock and Miss Darcy an her companion had been present. Jane reported Lady Matlock to have been reserved at first - apparently too many gossip mongers of the ton had tried to invade the family´s mourning which had made her suspicious of any new callers - but them all amiability towards them. The countess was a warm, motherly kind of woman and Georgiana´s well-being was clearly uppermost on her mind. Jane´s perceptiveness and kindness when trying to prevent Miss Darcy from shrinking back into gloomy thoughts had earned her Lady Matlock´s respect and so Georgiana was encouraged to visit the Bingleys and even to help Jane to select fabrics and furniture for necessary remodeling of the Bingleys´ townhouse. There had even been talk of a possible visit to Netherfield for the city did not agree with Georgiana very well but in visiting Matlock, Rosings or Pemberley memories would intrude.

Elizabeth was relieved to know Miss Darcy in good hands. Her well-being had been a constant sorrow for her but with the acquaintance between the Bingleys and the Matlocks now firmly established they were in a good position to bring Georgiana out of danger should things get nasty. This lifted from her mind and heart Elizabeth was at leisure to direct her attention to herself. She had kept herself occupied with planning and scheming and worrying about Georgiana.

Lizzy was despondent. Her present and future looked utterly bleak to her. She had led a quiet life, had had no high expectations and still had been cheerful. But after having had a glimpse of what could have been, of the joy and fulfillment finding one´s soulmate can bring - she couldn´t go back to her old life. Lizzy tried to focus on what to do with her life, how to fill the void Mr Darcy´s death had created, a void which dimensions she only began to see now.

When thinking about her future she never got far, her resurfaced hope intruding, gauging her imagination with pictures of Darcy in a London bound ship, at her uncle´s doorstep, on the lawn in front of Pemberley, across her while dancing.

On some level Lizzy knew that she was only torturing herself yet she couldn´t stop. What made her predicament even less bearable was that she felt the impossibility of burdening her relatives with her sorrow, of worrying them anew.

Would they still live under the same roof Lizzy would surely be found out by Jane but as they were seeing each other frequently but nearly never alone Lizzy managed to conceal her state from her sister. Mrs Gardiner was an astute observer as well but quite affected by morning sickness and fatigue as she was expecting her fifth child.

Drawing consolation from her faith was for now out of reach for Elizabeth. She had always been thankful to the Lord for his splendid creations, she had prayed and sung in service with joy, she had tried to obey the ten commandments but nothing had prepared her for this. At first she had prayed for Darcy´s return, futile as it had seemed, then for his soul, for a swift, painless death and for Georgiana. Beyond this she didn´t dare to venture - yet. She couldn´t gain any relief from believing Darcy´s death to be part of the Almighty´s plan, Lizzy sensed that she would get very angry at fate and maybe even at God should she let her thoughts wander there.

Chapter 29

One hot and humid day Elizabeth accompanied her uncle and the two eldest children to the warehouse - for the first time since she had last seen Mr Darcy there. In passing through the packaging room and then the place where the attack had occurred she felt again tears prick at her eyes. She kept her composure for the sake of the children and in time could breath more freely. Her cousins were all excitement, jumping up and down the crates waiting for shipment, trying to guess the destination of the ships anchoring and asking the workers numerous questions. Lizzy let her eyes wander over the sea to the horizon, wanting to shout her anger at the waves that had taken him. When the children raised her from her reverie she squared her shoulders and went back to the warehouse with them.

After returning home to Gracechurch Street the Gardiners prepared for an outing. They were to visit a friend´s house on the outskirts of London where the air was fresher and cooler. Mrs Gardiner looked forward to the visit and the children were eager to meet their friends there. Lizzy felt a headache coming on from the mornings exertions and begged to stay at home. Mrs Gardiner was concerned but Lizzy assured her of her wellbeing after a lie down and a quiet afternoon and wished them a pleasant outing.

She went upstairs for a rest but the heat in her room on the second floor was opressive. After cooling her face and wrists at the wash stand she went down again. Lizzy prepared a jug of lemonade in the kitchen - as no dinner was to be cooked most of the staff had been given the afternoon off - and retired into her uncle´s study, the shadiest and coolest room of the house. She picked up a book but put it down again, feeling restless. Finally she fell into a light slumber in the leather chair by the hearth.

Elizabeth was roused by a scullery maid timidly knocking.

„Enter!“

„Miss Lizzy, there´s a stranger at the back entrance, ´e´s for the master on business we think, can´t say for sure though ´cause´e´s speaking french, mebby, and, Miss, ´e´s a monk!“

Lizzy followed the girl down to the kitchen. Back lighted against the glaring sun in the courtyard she saw a hooded figure standing in the kitchen entrance. She couldn´t discern his features because of the light but it was a monk to be sure, with a beard, a cowl and sandaled feet. He greeted her with a bow. Lizzy curtseyed and told him in French

„Good day to you, Brother. Unfortunately my uncle Mr Gardiner is out until the evening but you are welcome to stay and wait.“ The monk must have been really exhausted by traveling in this heat because his „Merci.“ was nearly inaudible.

Lizzy addressed the maid,

„Eleanor, please provide our guest with food and drink and show him where he can get rid of the dust of the road.“

„Certainly, Miss“

Mr Gardiner often had visitors from the Continent or even from overseas, his business interests ranging wide. There were quite a few monasteries renowned for their wine production in France. - Though, business with France was impossible at the moment because of the political situation. Maybe the monk was from Belgium.

Belgium!

Elizabeth began to pace the study, her mind reeling. It would not do, to invite the monk into the study and question him about the Belgian coast and its tide, even with a monk, propriety forbade her to be alone with a man.

She couldn´t question him in the kitchen as she didn´t want to display her inner turmoil in front of the maids there. Even to her the whole venture seemed like a crazy thing to do, the good Brother would fear for her sanity and quite rightly so. And didn´t she owe it to her relatives and to herself, not to endanger the comparatively stableness of her state of mind with yet another wild goose chase?

Alas, her heart spoke differently. Couldn´t this be a wink of fate? Couldn´t it be that this monk would give her answers which might enable her to come to terms with her grief?

Elizabeth rang the bell.

„Yes, Miss Lizzy?“

„Eleanor, please bring our guest to Mr Gardiner´s study when he is ready.“

„Certainly, Miss.“

Chapter 30

Posted on Wednesday, 14 May 2003

Elizabeth was already regretting her impulsive action and paced up and down in front of the window wringing her hands. When she heard the door open and close again she turned around but couldn´t bring herself to look up into the monk´s face, she didn´t want to read his dissaproval - or maybe pity for her - in his eyes.

Fastening her eyes on the simple wooden cross suspended from his neck she spoke hurriedly,

„Forgive me, Brother, for summoning you thus, I , ah, I was wondering whether, that is I think you might be able to answer ...“

„Elizabeth.“

The monk had stepped closer, taking both her hands into his. Elizabeth looked up into his face - pale, drawn, with a short, greystreaked beard, but the face of her mourned beloved nonetheless, the face of Fitzwilliam Darcy.

„Oh. Fitzwilliam ...“ Tears of joy rose in her eyes.

Upon hearing her saying his name he smiled and gently pressed her fingers.

Lizzy feared all this to be a dream. Reaching up she gently touched his cheeks. Unable to hold back her tears any longer Lizzy threw her arms aroung his chest, holding on to him for dear life and sobbing into the rough cloth of his cowl. His arms went around her, pressing her until it almost hurt.

After her tears had subsided a little bit she listened to the rapid beat of his heart, to his heavy breathing. When she finally stirred he lessened his hold but didn´t relinquish it. Elizabeth wouldn´t have had it any other way - fearing that if she couldn´t touch him he would vanish again. She studied him closely - he was much thinner and looked haggard, his eyes shining with tears too.

„I didn´t dare to hope that you would be here but how I wished you to be!“

„I couldn´t stand being at Longbourne. Here I am not forced to hide my feelings.“

„Have you seen Georgiana? How does she fare?“

„I´ve seen her, yes, she is as well as can be expected. She is staying in your uncle´s townhouse.“

Darcy´s relief was palpable but a sadness seemed to envelope him. Suddenly Lizzy understood - how hard it must have been for him, the betrayal of a cousin on whom he looked like a brother, the anguish over his beloved sister´s fate. But she couldn´t be sure yet, even if his coming to the Gardiners´ house rather than to Lord Matlock´s spoke volumes.

„You were pushed, weren´t you?“

He nodded sadly.

„Colonel Fitzwilliam?“

„Yes, it was him. How do you know?“

„I felt terrible for first suspecting him because of a bad dream but when thinking it through little pieces of information fell into place. And when I , ah, looked up your father´s will at Somerset House I was fairly certain ...“

Lizzy cast down her eyes with embarrassement when revealing this last bit. Darcy didn´t hide his astonishment first but then broke into a wide smile and pulled her closer again.

„Just the thing I would expect you to do.“

Then, getting very serious and overcome with emotion he continued

„It was the very thought of you, spirited and full of life, not to be intimidated by anybody or anything that kept me going, that made me fight when I was so weary, so tired, so tempted to let go.“

After some moments Darcy proceeded with an astonishing tale.

Witnessing Col. Fitzwilliam´s zeal in playing cards during their first Channel crossing had made him uneasy but not suspicious yet. The colonel´s nervousness during their trip in Flanders he had attributed to the unpleasant reason for their mission - helping the future earl, the colonel´s elder brother, out of a situation he got himself in without giving away its real nature to Lady and Lord Matlock.

When taking some fresh air on deck Darcy didn´t hear the colonel approaching but by chance turned around to see his face. Being unable to prevent a fall when his cousin shoved him over the railing he managed to stay afloat and to shout for help. But the wind and the fog swallowed his cries.

It was getting dark already when he felt his strength weaken. Unable to determine how far he was from the coast and to find out which direction to swim to he was nearly resigned to a wet grave when he encountered a plank. With its help he managed to stay afloat until the wind abated. In the small hours of the morning he was being rescued by fishermen. The ship hadn´t been that far away from the shore, it had trailed along the coastline before heading out onto the Channel because they had to avoid French territory on the Channel - a fact which either must have been unknown to Col Fitzwilliam or he was already desperate enough to try anyway.

Overcome with exhaustion and fever Darcy lost consciousness and regained it two weeks later in a monastery.

The fishermen had first tried to nurse him at their village. When his condition didn´t improve and they feared for his life they sent for a priest for last rites. The priest turned out to be a monk from the nearby monastery who arranged for Darcy to be brought to monastery. Later he was told that he had had pneumonia and that a few times he had nearly died. When finally regaining consciousness again he was terribly week and the old wound at his shoulder caused problems as well.

Still he wanted to get back to England as quickly as possible - anguished because of the grief the news of his death would cause Georgiana, enraged at his cousin´s betrayal and longing to see Elizabeth. During long talks the abbot, a kind and wise man, managed to convince him to take matters slowly. Sending a letter now - after nearly three weeks had passed - would achieve nothing because, as Darcy was still too week to write himself, the Earl of Matlock would question the authenticity of the letter, probably thinking it a ruse to extract money from the family. And even if Lord Matlock would believe the letter - as much as Darcy wanted to think that his uncle would do the right thing - one couldn´t predict the outcome when a man is forced to choose between his nephew and his son. Therefore the abbot wrote to a brother in faith in London for information, Darcy thus learning of the disagreement over the execution of his own will between the Matlock family and Richardson, the family lawyer. This gave Darcy confidence that he would at least be able to trust Richardson upon returning to London and confronting his family with his terrible tale.

The abbot however pointed out that Richardson could just as well be very fastidious - not an unusual trait in a lawyer - without suspecting foul play and cautioned Darcy to search for an ally elsewhere. So after a slow recovery he traveled back to London in the guise of a monk with the address of a London monastery in his pocket as a last resort and a plan to call on Mr Gardiner and enlist his help. And with the secret hope of seeing his beloved there. This he didn´t discussed with Brother Abbot but suspected the elder man knew anyhow, having heard Darcy calling out for Elizabeth in his fever many times.

During Darcy´s narrative they had moved into the drawing room. There they were now on the settee, huddled together, Darcy´s arm around Lizzy´s shoulders, his other hand firmly enclosed in her hands. When he was finished they sat in silence, both felt words unnecessary. There was nothing to be gained in talking through the terrible deed of Col Fitzwilliam, the anguish it had caused family and friends and Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked at Darcy and marveled at the wonder of being able to look at him, talk to him. She sent a heartfelt prayer of thanks heavenwards.

Darcy seemed to read her thoughts for he said „I cannot be thankful enough for being able to see you again, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth.“

He leaned closer and Lizzy tilted her head upwards, smiling in the happy anticipation of their first kiss.

But then he reconsidered and withdrew, standing up. Because - for all his new found awareness of what was really important in life - he was still Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley, Derbyshire. He wouldn´t kiss a woman he wasn´t bethrothed to. Darcy started to pace, searching for the right words. Elizabeth was surprised first by his sudden change of mind but put it down to his not wanting to drag her further in danger, as the outcome of his confrontation with Lord Matlock and the colonel was not sure. She stood up too and stopped his pacing by taking his hand.

„Fitzwilliam, dearest, I want you to know that I love you dearly. I cannot imagine to be without you, please do not consider trying to protect me by keeping your distance, I could not stand it, not now, after I found you again.“

His heartfelt delight at such a declaration overspread his features when he answered

„That is not what I´ve been thinking of, ah, or I have been thinking of it but ... I, ahem, Elizabeth, will you marry me?“

„Yes, Fitzwilliam, I will and I shall and I will be the happiest of women because of it.“

This time nothing stopped them and therefore the returning Gardiners were greeted by the astonishing sight of Lizzy kissing a monk in their drawing room.

Chapter 31

Posted on Saturday, 17 May 2003

Mr Gardiner cleared his throat. Nothing happened. He tried again, still to no avail.

Emily´s „He´s no monk for sure, he must be a prince,“ alerted the couple to the fact that they were not alone. They broke their kiss and blushed profoundly but kept holding hands.

„Aunt, may I present ...“ Mr Gardiner interrupted Lizzy there

„I am sure your aunt knows the gentleman. Sir, may I present my wife, Madeline Gardiner and my children Emily, Edward, Madeline and Samuel.“

Mr Darcy bowed and the others greeted him likewise. Mrs Gardiner took the children upstairs and Mr Gardiner ushered Lizzy and Darcy into his study.

„I am sorry for interrupting you, Lizzy, but as seeing Mr Darcy in disguise I thought secrecy in order. You can´t make sure that the little ones won´t talk to the servants and then ...“

Lizzy broke in „I am glad for your quick thinking, Uncle, ah, and for ...“ there she glanced at Darcy who took over

„Apologies for the , ahem, situation you found us in but be assured, nothing untoward has occured, I am happy to announce that El.., ah, Miss Bennet, accepted my hand in marriage.“

„Congratulations to you both! Rest assured that I am neither so unkind nor so fastidious as to find fault in your behaviour after witnessing Lizzy´s anguish for so long. Let me add that I am very happy to see you here and that you have my support in whatever your plans are because seeing you here in such disguise gives me reason to fear that our suspicions were true.“

„I am afraid to say so, yes, Mr Gardiner. Thank you for your kind offer.“

Mr Gardiner enquired if Lizzy knew the Bingleys to be at home and not entertaining guests. Lizzy could affirm this and Sam the footman was sent over there to fetch Charles, sworn not to breath a word of all this to anyone. Mr Darcy added a note to Bingley to bring over a change of clothes he had always kept at Bingley´s townhouse for when they were heading to their club after riding out in the morning.

When Mrs Gardiner came down again she shook hands with Darcy, expressing her heartfelt joy at seeing him whole and sound, not trying to hide her tears.

Mr Darcy told an abbreviated version of his trials and was just about to tell them of how he thought best to proceed when Bingley bounded into the room.

„I couldn´t believe my eyes upon receiving your note, Darcy, I can´t tell you how happy I am,“ he cried, hugging Darcy fiercely.

Darcy then told them that he planned to see his uncle in the morning but feared for Georgiana´s and the other´s safety. Bingley was of help there. He and Jane had an appointment to take Georgiana for a ride for the next day and furthermore he knew Col Fitzwilliam to be on a tour in the South to inspect troops. Of the Earl´s plans he knew nothing but that he was in London.

Mr Gardiner took over from there, „I think I left a favourable impression with Lord Matlock, I am quite sure that he would come if I sent him a message to meet me in the warehouse on the pretense that something came up on the attack on Mr Darcy - which wouldn´t even be a lie.“

Mr Darcy could confirm that Lord Matlock thought as highly of Mr Gardiner as could be expected from their short acquaintance and that he would heed the invitation.

Mr Gardiner then proceeded „A friend of mine is in New York for a year, his house is closed up but our housekeeper goes there once a week for airing the rooms and making sure that everything is all right. Just to be on the safe side I suggest that my whole household moves there and that Jane and Charles bring Georgiana when they collect her for the appointed ride. As it is a very fashionable, recently remodeled house Jane should tell Georgiana that she wants her opinion on some of the designs, whether they fit for their townhouse.“

Everybody agreed with this plan. Mr Darcy and Mr Gardiner were quite sure that the earl would do the right thing but didn´t want to take chances. Bingley left to tell Jane the good news and Mr Gardiner opted for retiring early because he noticed how exhausted Mr Darcy was. Lizzy went upstairs with her aunt. Mrs Gardiner stopped before Lizzy´s room saying

„Lizzy, I can´t tell you how happy I am for you. Do not worry, everything will be all right tomorrow, Edward won´t let any harm come to your young man.“

Lizzy bade her aunt good night but lingered in front of her room as she heard Darcy make his way upstairs. She felt embarrassed for waiting on a darkened landing but overcame such feelings quickly when she saw how Darcy´s face lit up on beholding her there. He put his candle on the windowsill and took her hands

„I would have been very sorry to miss saying good night to you, Elizabeth.“

„It would be insupportable.“ With that she rose on her toes expectantly. Darcy hesitated, notions of propriety ingrained for generations enabled him to withstand this temptation. When he already began to berate himself for his stupidity - Mr Gardiner wouldn´t shoot him for a kiss on the staircase with his bethrothed - his behaviour - call it stupid or proper - was rewarded. Lizzy rose further to reach his lips for the tenderest of kisses. It made his lips tingle and his knees go weak although it was light as the touch of a feather. Their first kiss down in the drawing room had been something like the first drink of water after crossing the desert, a reassurance that - after both had spent the past weeks in a state of haze - they indeed were alive. This kiss made Darcy remember when he first admired her - when he had watched her laughing in Netherfield, her cheeks rosy and eyes sparkling, when every apple blossom in Kent had made him thinking of her teint and lips. Now it gave him hope that there was something to look forward to after all the danger and ugliness he had encountered, that indeed there would be times when his only sorrow would be which beauty of Pemberley he was to show her first, whether to plant a kiss on the tip of her nose or on the corner of her mouth or whether it was too early for their children to ride a pony or not. With a small content sigh Lizzy broke their kiss, Darcy´s thoughts mirrored in her eyes.

„I feel certain that everything will be allright. Sleep well, Fitzwilliam.“

„Sleep well, Dearest.“

Chapter 32

Elizabeth was down for breakfast early. Although she´d only slept a few hours she felt more refreshed from it than in weeks. Mr Gardiner was already in his study writing to Lord Matlock. Darcy made his appearance in the dining room, clean shaven and in his clothes from Bingley - thus accentuating how much weight he´d lost. Lizzy quelched the urge to pity him for neither would he wish to be pitied nor did his smile ask for such a sentiment.

Though Darcy couldn´t forget that he was soon to give Lord and Lady Matlock pain he felt more confident than in a long time. This stemmed mainly from being able to take his fate in his own hands again but also from the backing he was sure to have in the Gardiner family. To be welcomed into the family without reserve gladdened his heart, it made him remember fondly his parents and made him realise how much he had missed the warm if not fashionable comfort one could gain from one´s family.

„Do you think the Gardiners would like to visit us in Pemberley at Christmas?“

„Good morning to you too, Fitzwilliam. I see you spent your time as agreeably as I spent mine, thinking of our future?“ Elizabeth gently teased.

Darcy blushed but was not deterred from his good mood.

„Good morning, most distracting of all females. I realise I was wrong in imagining quiet evenings in a snowladen Pemberley. Pray tell what you have in mind for our future?“

It was Lizzy´s turn to blush because she hadn´t thought of visits of relatives or even of Pemberley but fallen asleep with the memory of their kiss on the staircase on her lips and had tried to recall its feel upon waking up. Darcy was fascinated by his fiancées sudden swings between teasing and a - in his eyes most becoming - shyness. Gently he stroked her cheek.

Mr Gardiner´s entrance broke the spell and his quest - that Darcy should read the note for Lord Matlock before it was sent - served as a reminder of what lay before them. They broke their fast and when the Gardiners went to apprise their staff of the temporary removal to their friends house Darcy rose from the table and came over to Lizzy´s side. Lizzy stood up, her heart heavy. Although she didn´t really fear any bodily harm for Darcy as the outcome of his interview with his uncle she knew how much pain it gave him to have to relate to Lord Matlock all that had happened. She pressed his hand in reassurance and then he was gone. Lizzy and Mrs Gardiner watched the men drive off and then went to collect children and servants for the removal.

Elizabeth was all apprehension because of seeing Georgiana soon. She didn´t feel very confident in being able to hide her knowledge from the girl but Fitzwilliam thought it to be a necessary precaution should anything happen to him - Georgiana must not be told that her brother was alive and well only to loose him for good a few hours later.

The servants knew that something was wrong but were loyal to a fault to the Gardiners. Mrs Gardiner had found out that they had concocted a rather romantic story about Darcy being a French refugee and thought it wise to let them believe this for the time being.

The house they soon reached was pleasant enough and the next two hours were spent with exploring and setting up the kitchen for they expected to stay at least until tea time.

Midmorning the Bingelys and Georgiana arrived. Miss Darcy was not to be fooled easily, Lizzy sensed that she thought it odd - viewing a house whose proprietors were absent but was too polite to remark on it.

After lunch Lizzy and Georgiana took a stroll in the garden. At the far end on a secluded bench Georgiana turned to face Lizzy and said

„I feel that I should go to Pemberley soon. Mr Douglas, the stewart, wrote to me about how sad but also how worried the tenants are. They fear for their future. I know but little about the actual estate business but I will have help from my family and Mr Douglas and Mrs Reynolds and I will learn quickly. Hopefully the people of Pemberley will fell better when I am there and overlook mistakes I am likely to make kindly. - Miss Bennet, I would dearly like to have a friend with me and furthermore I am sure that my brother would have wanted you to see Pemberley. Will you accompany me to Derbyshire?“

Lizzy sat in stunned silence, full of admiration for the young woman´s sentiments and courage. When she realised that her long silence had made Georgiana unsure about her reception she forced herself to speak.

„Miss Darcy, Georgiana, your brother will be proud of you. Do know that I admire your resolve and courage and strength. Of course I will accompany you to the north.“

After puzzlement at Elizabeth´s supposed slip of using present tense for her brother relief washed over Georgiana´s face and Lizzy felt terrible for not being able to tell her that her brother lived.

In Mr Gardiner´s warehouse Darcy stood at the window on the lookout for his uncle´s carriage. He was surprised to see Richardson, the family lawyer, disembark too but then realised it to be an understandable act of caution on Lord Matlock´s side to bring the lawyer along. As he heard the men being led up the stairs he squared his shoulders and with a wry smile to each other he and Mr Gardiner stood to face the door.

Lord Matlock´s face showed disbelief in seeing Darcy, a joyous disbelief. He embraced his nephew tightly under exclamations of wonder and happiness. Richardson came forward to greet Darcy in a less effusive manner and Darcy read in his eyes that he had at least a suspicion as to why the meeting took place here.

As the earl was no stupid man soon the oddity of this meeting registered with him. When he saw the looks in the faces of the other men he took a deep breath and turned to look out the window. Mr Gardiner poured the brandy and ushered the men to sit. Darcy remained standing until his uncle was able to face them again.

„Richard?“

Darcy nodded sadly, noticing the looks passing between Richardson and the earl. Later he learned that the two had interfered on Col Fitzwilliams behalf a few times before, always because of gaming debts, but had held up hopes of him outgrowing the vice.

„What do you want me to do?“

„I want to spare my aunt and Georgiana the knowledge of this. With your influence and help I think we could accomplish him to be sent to America without returning to London from his troop inspection tour. The ladies will be told that he is on a special assignment, a top secret one.“

„That is generous of you, Fitzwilliam.“

„No, Uncle, it is not. The man who pushed me over the railing was not the Richard we know, it was as if something evil had taken possession of him. If it is anything, it is selfish, not generous - I want to remember him as the companion of my youth and cannot do that if I send him to the gallows. While I don´t want him near my loved ones and myself I sincerely hope that he uses this chance of redeeming himself in America.“

Mr Gardiner sent a note to his wife that everything was well so far and that they could expect Darcy in about two hours. While he stayed in his warehouse the other men set off to see Col Fitzwilliams commanding officer. The general´s reaction was bit similar to Richardson´s earlier - not as shocked as one would expect. He agreed to Lord Matlock´s proposed course of action and set off with an escort and the earl to Col Fitzwilliam´s quarters in the South.

Lizzy had strained her ears for Fitzwilliam´s carriage when the estimated time drew near. Whe she heard it stop she quickly ushered a puzzled Georgiana into the study. Darcy´s questioning look upon entering the hall she answered with „Georgiana is in the study, I will show you the way.“ She left him on the doorstep.

Col Fitzwilliam knew his case to be lost when his father and the general called on him in the Shepherd´s Inn in ________, Kent. After handing his sword and pistols over to the general he addressed his father

„Please spare Mamá this.“

The earl nodded and was about to tentatively embrace his son for the last time when the general`s escort whisked him away to Southhampton where he was to be detained until a suitable ship was found.

Georgiana would only release her brother to hug her new sister, after Darcy told her of their engagement.

Epilogue

Col Fitzwilliam wrote to his mother a few times from his „secret assignment“ and - after she´d waited several months in vain for the next letter - was declared missing by the military authorities.

Georgiana blossomed into a remarkable woman who - after a whirlwind courtship - married a politician who never forgot to thank his wife first after winning an election. Fifteen years after her marriage, when reading her youngest a tale of adventurers she put together the mystery of her missing cousin.

Lord Matlock was a broken man after the sad affair. His wife sensed that he hid something from her but believed it to have been the illness that soon afterwards took him.

Darcy and Elizabeth were married six weeks after Darcy´s reappearance. They did have their share of quarrels but every fight was tempered by their knowledge that fate indeed had shown them mercy for allowing them to be together.

Darcy soon found out even his anticipated small worries to be groundless - he never had to decide whether to kiss the tip of his wife´s nose first or the - now nearly constantly upturned - corner of her mouth because he found the little spot below her ear to be most tempting and they didn´t have to quarrel with each other whether their children were old enough to ride or not because all five of them wanted to start riding before both of their parents thought them to be quite ready for such an endeavour.

The End

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