The Heart Never Forgets

CHAPTER 1


Rain pelted softly against the windows of the commuter train that stormed north through the countryside towards Derby. It was a typical dreary English day. Charlotte remembered weather like this when she was a student studying in London. That was ages ago it seemed. She knew she certainly wasn't the same person now; she was young and naïve then. She felt she had grown up quickly since the day she had gotten her first job out of school. The past three years of her life, however, had worn her down and made her age beyond her years. Or at least she felt so.

She looked at her reflection in the window. Her eyes had dark circles under them. She was pale. The youthful pink of her cheeks had long gone. Of course, travelling didn't help matters, but it was hardly to blame for her tired countenance. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass and stared out into the countryside.

What was she doing here? She was a continent and ocean away from the life she had re-established in Portland. Everyone was so surprised three years ago when she left Meryton and her job at Meryton College—no one more surprised than her good friend Lizzy. Charlotte wanted to get away from her old life. Everyone she was close to had moved on from Meryton, and yet, she was still there. She felt a great desire to distance herself from the life she had lived. It was time to leave the old Charlotte behind and establish something new.

Her family said they would miss her, but they were happy for her. Lizzy and Jane were happy as well. This was to be Charlotte's chance to completely turn her life around, but little did she know that her life during those three years would go from one painful heartache and illness to another.

She curled her feet beneath her and sighed quietly as she recalled the events that set in motion her move to the west coast. Everyone knew Charlotte wanted to move away somewhere fresh, but no one suspected that once the time finally arrived she needed to. She needed to put physical distance between herself and someone else and she was never more grateful to have a chance to get away.

The ringing laughter a few rows behind her brought back memories of that night, and the morning she decided she was never looking back.

~*~

Swing dance music was blaring on the stereo, and couples were dressed in their finest. Lizzy and her new husband, Darcy, were throwing their first New Year's bash at their loft. Although the couple called England home now, after their wedding and honeymoon in the Bahamas, they returned to New York to spend their first Christmas together with Lizzy's family. It was also the first time Lizzy's family was able to meet their precious son, Henry. He was an adorable sweet baby who looked exactly like his father, but had a sparkle in his eye from his mother.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…” she remembered the crowd chanting together. She was happy that night—happy to be with her friends Jane and Lizzy, happy for Lizzy and Darcy, and for Darcy's excellent taste in champagne.

The only thing that upset her was the presence of a certain late arrival to their soirée, Darcy's cousin, Richard Fitzwilliam. It was bad enough he arrived late, but did he have to look devastatingly handsome on top of that in his classic black tux? His piercing blue eyes caught hers as soon as he entered the room, yet he didn't smile or offer her a greeting. He pretended to smile and look away when his cousin went up to him and gave him a welcoming slap on the back.

Charlotte simply tossed back another glass of champagne and tried to ignore the feeling that she was being watched for the rest of the evening.

She was surprised that he had arrived alone. He always boasted of his ways with women when they were together, and he was right, he did have a way with women. She remembered he always had a devilishly wry smile and a sarcastic joke waiting for anyone willing to listen. He was the type of man who could make any woman instantly fall, if not in love with him, at least into bed with him. He was smooth, confident, and not to mention drop dead gorgeous with sandy blond hair and chiselled features. Seeing him stand along side his cousin, who was similar to him in looks but just the opposite in hair and eye color, was enough to make any woman swoon. They were the epitome of masculine beauty—tall, muscular, and strong, yet lean. Lizzy certainly is one lucky lady, Charlotte thought. Any woman would be crazy to kick either of them out of bed, but she knew better, when it came to Richard's behavior.

Yet now he seemed so much more subdued and severe than he ever used to be. Outwardly, he looked the same, but his eyes didn't have that same sharpness, and his lips rarely formed a smile. She could tell when he was forcing a smile, too, because it didn't cause his dimple to show and his eyes to flicker. Charlotte felt a tinge of guilt rise in her chest. She wondered if he were still hurt by her. She had never seen him look more sincerely saddened than the day she rejected him…for the second time.

No, she told herself. It was for the best. She and Richard had used each other for sex, and it was not a healthy relationship for either of them and had to end. Never mind that he wanted to try and form a true relationship with her and wanted to give them a chance outside of the bedroom. It would never have worked, and she refused to have regrets.

Or did she?

Another glass of champagne sounded like a good idea. She didn't even notice when the countdown hit one and everyone screamed, “Happy New Year.” Couples around her were kissing and hugging. Lizzy and Darcy were locked in a passionate embrace. A few of the guests wished her happy New Year and kissed her on the cheek, and she saw Richard accept good wishes across the room, although not as warmly as they were bestowed.

After the excitement of ringing in the New Year, Charlotte reached for another glass of champagne and turned to face the New York skyline alone. After several minutes of solace, she felt a light tap on her shoulder.

She turned and was face to face with Richard Fitzwilliam.

“Hello, Charlotte. Happy New Year,” he said with a timid smile.

“Happy New Year, Richard,” Charlotte responded with an unreadable look. Her hands were occupied holding her glass, but her feet shifted nervously.

“I brought you a glass of champagne, but I see you've already got one.”

“I'll take a rain check for later.”

“It is excellent champagne, might as well not let it go to waste.”

“Darcy has good taste.”

“Yes,” Richard responded as he took a sip of his glass.

At that moment Charlotte looked around for Lizzy, hoping she might find a chance of escaping this awkward conversation with him. Richard guessed who she might be looking for and spoke again.

“Lizzy and Darcy went to check on Henry and little Charles. Lizzy was afraid the noise of the cheers might have woken them.”

“Oh…” Charlotte saw the nervous look on Richards face and felt impolite for not trying to have a pleasant conversation. So she decided to carry on the subject of their mutual friends and relations. “I'm very happy for them, and Henry is such a beautiful baby.”

“Yes, Henry is a wonderful baby. He's so well-behaved and likes to sleep a lot. I love spending time with him when I can.”

“Oh, do you visit them often in Derbyshire?”

“As often as I can get away from London. My parents live in the area as well, so we try to get together and have a family outing every once in a while. But in November Darcy and I took Henry to his first proper football match. Lizzy was worried about taking him to the game after she read about fanatic football thugs, but we were in a private suite away from the crowds.”

“I bet it was fun.”

“We all had a blast, and the funniest thing is that Henry slept through most of it, and Lizzy ended up being the one yelling at the players. She pretends not to enjoy the sport because she likes to tease Darce…He needs the teasing, of course. I think he actually craves it from her.”

“I think they both needed each other. Their personalities compliment each other so well. I've never seen a better matched couple.”

“I agree. I can't recall when I've seen my cousin happier. He and Lizzy are perfect for each other.” Richard looked down in shame and shook his head. Charlotte knew what he was thinking.

“They've forgiven you, you know.”

“Yes, I know.” Then he continued quietly, “But somehow I feel as if there's another person's forgiveness I need…for all my past transgressions, but I don't think that person is willing to bestow it.” He gave her a meaningful look, his eyes full of pleading and sorrow.

Charlotte had to turn away. They stood side by side now, looking out from the large garage style window at the skyline. Charlotte quickly finished her glass of champagne and took the glass Richard had offered to her earlier.

“I don't think you need to seek anyone else's forgiveness. I think…” she chewed her bottom lip. “I don't know what I think.”

Richard was looking at her in anticipation, and Charlotte didn't know how to say everything that was on her mind. Richard then reached his hand out hesitantly and touched her arm.

“I'm sorry, perhaps tonight is not the time to bring up the past. We should be celebrating new beginnings instead.” He smiled that old charming Richard Fitzwilliam smile and offered to make a toast with her instead.

“What will we toast to?” Charlotte asked.

“To…let me think on it a moment. To finding joy in life and the one thing that will make you happy forever.”

“It seems an impossible wish, but I will toast to that nonetheless.”

While she sipped her drink, she missed the sad frown that was upon Richards face from her words. He was at a loss with her, yet he couldn't walk away from her. He did the only thing he knew how to do in the past—be fun and flirtatious with her and hope that it would lead to a good conversation.

=====

Lizzy re-entered the room a few minutes later looking slightly flushed and her hairstyle was pulled down. Darcy followed her holding her hand and wearing a ridiculous grin on his face. He had pulled off his black tie and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his tux shirt, which was also un-tucked now.

Guests had slowly started to say their goodbyes while Richard continued talking with Charlotte. He was his old friendly self, and Charlotte seemed to be enjoying his company. Lizzy halted and turned to Darcy.

“What is it, Bella?” he asked her and then continued with a wicked grin. “Do you want to go somewhere quiet and ring in the New Year together again?”

A vision of what they had just done on Darcy's study desk flashed in both of their minds. They were still very much enjoying the honeymoon stage of their marriage.

Lizzy pointed to the other side of the room. Darcy glanced over casually and saw his cousin and his wife's best friend bent in earnest conversation.

“Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything.” Darcy muttered teasingly.

“You think Richard might still have feelings for Charlotte?” Lizzy arched one of her brows as she turned to her husband.

“He hasn't mentioned her, but he's never been the same since she rejected him.”

“I think he still likes her very much.”

“Even so, Charlotte may still reject him if he ever gets the courage to ask her out again.”

“Your cousin has an ego larger than this city. Of course, he'll ask her again.”

“But you forget, my pretty, sweet wife, how difficult it is for a man violently in love to profess his feelings.”

“You didn't do so bad once you got started.”

“But if you recall, after the initial rejection, I was too afraid to tell you how I felt until I had some assurance from you first.”

Lizzy stroked his cheek fondly and rested her thumb on his dimple. “I will assure you again and again for the rest of our lives, if that's what you need to hear.”

He tipped her chin up for a lingering kiss and responded, “Bella, I love you whether you want to say it or not, whether you feel like calling me an arse on a particular day because I left my clothes all over the room or forgot to put the toilet seat down in the middle of the night…”

“…Which you always forget to do…” she interrupted.

“Not always,”

“Yes, always.”

“Okay, sometimes I forget, but now you make me forget my point…Oh yes, I wanted to say that even if you're in a foul mood with me, I will still tell you I love you because I know you love me back, always.”

He kissed her again and again. Lizzy tried to speak but was bordering on losing all rational thought.

“But what are we going to do about Richard and Charlotte?”

Darcy glanced over at them again. “I think they seem to be doing fine on their own tonight. Perhaps if we encourage them to spend more time talking this evening, they might sort some things out.”

“Yes, perhaps.”

=====

By two a.m. all the guests finally said their goodnights except for Jane and Charles and Richard and Charlotte. Richard was to return to his penthouse, Charlotte was a guest at the loft, and Jane and Charles were staying at a nearby hotel. They gathered little Charles from the crib where he slept with his cousin and hailed a cab back to their hotel. Lizzy kissed her nephew goodbye several times. Their boy certainly did look like Jane, he had finally grown some hair and it was as blond as his mothers. She dearly wished that Jane and Charles could come to England soon and let the boys be together. She really wanted them to be very close as they grew up.

Charlotte and Richard commiserated together with a laugh about how their friends and relatives had become wrapped up in baby universe now.

Another ten minutes saw Lizzy falling asleep next to her husband. He lifted her in his arms and announced it was time for bed.

“You two can stay and chat as late as you like, if you want to go into my study. But my darling wife can't seem to keep her eyes open.”

Lizzy mumbled something incoherent towards Charlotte.

“All right, Bella,” Darcy said with a laugh as he kissed her brow, “you've clearly had too much champagne.”

As they ascended the stairs to their bed, Lizzy whispered to her husband as she burrowed her head into his shoulder, “I liked being in New York, but I wish we were home celebrating at Pemberley…I miss Pemberley, and our bed.”

“You have no idea how much it warms my heart to hear you say that, Lizzy.”

They turned the corner to their loft, Darcy helped his wife undress, and they were soon settled into bed.

=====

Richard felt it was probably time for him to say his goodbyes to Charlotte, but he didn't want the night to end. He stood near the door to leave with his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet slightly. With his head bowed nervously, he began to speak.

“How much longer are you in town?”

“I'm leaving tomorrow...”

“Oh, I see.” He coughed then looked her in the eyes. “Have you ever spent an entire night roaming the city?”

“Not on New Years…”

“You haven't lived until you have. Let me show you New York as you've never seen it before, Charlotte.”

“With the other all-night partiers?”

“It's the city that never sleeps! Come on, it will be an adventure.”

“I, umm…Lizzy will wonder where I am…”

“Trust me, I don't think she or Darcy will be waking up anytime soon. Come on, its New Years. Let's start the year off with some fun.”

“I…All right, let's go have some fun.”

And with that, Richard helped her in her wrap, placed his warm coat around her shoulders, and took her hands as he led her to the elevator. Charlotte would never forget that night for the rest of her life, even if she wanted to.

~*~

The train finally arrived in Lambton and pulled up to the station. The rain had stopped and the skies had started to clear slightly. Charlotte took her bag from the overhead rack and walked to the end of the car. She stepped onto the platform and looked up and down its length, keeping an eye out for Lizzy. She had promised she would meet her here after all.

Finally, she saw Lizzy emerge from indoors. Lizzy looked just as Charlotte remembered her. The years apart hadn't aged her one bit. She was absolutely radiant; her face was flushed with excitement. She was seven months pregnant with baby number two, and as with the first, she was carrying the baby well.

Darcy was quick behind her carrying Henry, who was now three years old. It was amazing how much he had grown, and he looked even more like his father, except that the blue eyes he had as a baby remained. He was all skinny arms and legs like his father was at that age, had unruly dark brown hair, and a very studious expression upon his face, as if he were concentrating greatly upon the new strange lady his mommy was greeting.

Lizzy bounded up to her friend and swept her into a tight embrace.

“Oh Charlotte, it's been too long! Far too long,” she gushed as she hugged her friend again and again.

“Lizzy!” Charlotte breathed a soft sigh as she felt the comfort of a friendly embrace for the first time in ages. “I've missed you so much.” Tears began to slip down her cheeks.

Perhaps some other time Charlotte would tell Lizzy how important this moment was for her. She had felt so lonely for so long, and suddenly, all the feelings of their childhood came flooding back—playing on the tire swing, gossiping during sleepovers, sharing drinks at the local bar when they were old enough, visiting Lizzy for extended weekends in the city, and sharing more gossip over bottles of wine. It all seemed so long ago, yet all those warm memories returned to her and made her heart feel alive again.

Lizzy was crying happy tears as well.

“Papa, why is Mummy crying?” Henry asked in loud kid whisper, but of course, Lizzy and Charlotte heard him.

“Mummy's only happy to see her friend, Henry. You don't remember Miss Charlotte, she last saw you when you were in nappies.”

“Mummy cries a lot when she's happy, doesn't she?”

“Yes, she does.” Darcy smiled.

“But don't people cry when they're sad?”

Lizzy and Charlotte couldn't help laughing at Henry's conversation with his father.

“Only sometimes, Son. Mummy and Miss Charlotte have been friends since they were as big as you are, and they haven't seen each other in a long time, so they're very happy to see each other again.”

“Mummy was as big as me once?” Henry's eyes were wide with amazement.

“Yes Henry, so was I.”

“That's not true.”

“Indeed it is.”

“But Mummy says that you're the biges…”

“Henry, shush!” His father scolded gently. Lizzy and Charlotte were both trying not to laugh. Darcy was afraid of what his son might have overheard. He had to remember his son, like himself, was very observant and did not easily forget the things he heard.

“Papa, were you really as big as me once?”

“Yes, Henry…” Lizzy interrupted as she tickled her son, causing him to laugh and smile. Now Charlotte could see his resemblance to both his parents. “Mummy and Daddy were both children once. You'll see how small you once were when the baby comes. Now, it's time for you to be a little gentleman and say hello to Mummy's best friend.”

Darcy put his son on the ground, and he stood again with a serious wide-eyed expression on his face as he looked up at Charlotte.

“Henry, this is Mummy's best friend, Miss Charlotte.” Henry tried to duck behind his mother's legs, but his father's voice stopped him.

“Henry, what do you say when making a new acquaintance?”

Henry looked at his father for approval then spoke slowly. “Please…to meet you ma'am.”

“I'm very happy to see you again, Henry.” Charlotte laughed and took his extended little hand.

“Are you my aunt?”

“No, but you may call me aunt if you want?”

Henry looked to his mom and dad for permission, which was happily granted. “All my aunt's live in `merica. Do you live in `merica?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Will you live with us now?”

“For a little while.”

“We have a swimm' pool. Can Aunt Charwette swim with us, Mummy?” Charlotte thought it was endearing how Henry stumbled over her name.

“Of course.”

“Will Aunt Charwette play football with us, Papa?”

“If she wishes.”

“Will you?” Henry's round blue eyes pleaded with her.

“I would love to.”

“Yay! Papa, did you hear? She'll play!” Darcy scooped up his son again as they all laughed at the boys enthusiasm and his only concerns of swimming and playing ball. Ah, to be a child again!

“Come here, you cheeky monkey,” Darcy said as he brought his son up for a kiss on the cheek before settling him on his shoulders. “Now listen to your father, young man. The ladies need time to talk and catch up on memories, so you and I must be perfect gentlemen and not bother them while they do so. So when we get home, we will cook Mummy and Aunt Charlotte's dinner.”

“Can we have ice cream?”

“Only after.”

“Oh, all right.”

Charlotte and Lizzy couldn't help laughing at Henry again.

“Lizzy, you're lucky he's so well-behaved.”

“Don't let this brief meeting fool you. He still finds plenty of time to be a little terror around the house. But I think mostly it's at Darcy's encouragement. The two of them get into so much trouble together. I'm still finding bits of mud from the other day when they came tromping through the halls with their wellies still on, after playing out in the fields.”

“Lizzy, you've picked up an accent.”

“Have I? I suppose I don't notice anymore. I've been living here for a little over three years now so I guess it was bound to happen.”

“We have a lot to catch up on.”

“We really do…How are you Charlotte, truly?” Lizzy stopped and pressed her hand over Charlotte's.

“I'm tired from traveling, but it's to be expected, I suppose.”

“Goodness, I just noticed your hair…It's all shorn off,” she commented once she got a good look at her hair peeking out from the hat she wore. “I like the look on you, though you can pull anything off, but you do look exhausted. Perhaps an early night will be best.”

“Yes, I'm sorry to be a bore, but I think I have to agree with that.”

“We have plenty of time to catch up. You know you're welcome to stay as long as you like.”

“Actually, I'm…well, I'm in between jobs right now, and I've been meaning to take an extended vacation. I think I really needed some time to clear my head before I continue looking for work.”

“I'd love for you to stay with us, maybe you can stay a full month. You really need a month to see all of the countryside to its best advantage, and with spring blooming, it will be a lovely time of year.”

“I think I'd like that.”

“You know what I would really love is for you to stay and see the new baby arrive. Jane will be coming over for the birth with her little ones.” Since having Charles Jr., Jane had given birth to a set of identical twin girls over a year ago. “But I know that would be asking too much of you to stay that long.”

“I might consider it, but I'd have to find some work of some sort to keep myself occupied.”

“Who knows, maybe you'll like Derbyshire and want to stay for the rest of your life.”

“It is beautiful country, from what little I've already seen.”

“You never know, you might be sitting at a café in Lambton one sunny afternoon and some gorgeous local might sweep you off your feet.”

“Love? That's a bit far-fetched.”

“Always the cynic, Charlotte,” Lizzy laughed. “But I'm not giving up on you yet.”

Chapter 2

“Charlotte, my beautiful, sweet Charlotte!…You have no idea do you? Just no idea how much I…”

Charlotte gasped and bolted up in bed. She panicked briefly and tried to recall where she was. She felt swallowed up in a sea of vast darkness. Finally after flicking on the light switch, she calmed and remembered she was in a large guest room at Pemberley. She wasn't used to being in such spacious rooms after living in her tiny studio apartment for so many years. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she tried to forget the dream she just had.

After several minutes, it was no use. She had to move about and clear her head. She took the flashlight Lizzy thoughtfully left for her in her nightstand drawer and went out to the hall. She wandered down one corridor and then another. She knew how to get back to her room from where she was, but she had no idea where she was going. Finally, she saw a light peeking from under a room at the far end of the hall.

When she reached the door it was cracked slightly, so she knocked as she pushed it open.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

“Char?”

“Lizzy?” She poked her head around the door. “Why are you up at this hour?”

“I can't sleep right now. The baby is too active…would you like to feel?”

“Sure.” She walked to the worn couch Lizzy was seated on and sat down cross-legged on the cushion next to her. “Is this your studio?” She finally asked when she got a good look around the room at the painting supplies, canvases, and easels set up.

“Yes, Fitzwilliam prepared the space for me, and I've been slowly adding my personal touch to it over the years.”

“It's a beautiful space.”

“I love it here. It's a perfect space to work, and think. I also like to come here to relax when I can't sleep. It's the only place here that is completely my own.”

“Does Darcy know you're up?”

“I didn't want to wake him. He needs his sleep tonight.”

“Busy day for him tomorrow?”

“Yes, he's going to London for the weekend.”

“He's still commuting back and forth?”

“Here, let me see your hands.” Lizzy took her friends hands in hers and placed them on the side of her stomach. Charlotte smiled in amazement when she felt the firm kick and watched Lizzy's stomach shake from the baby's activities.

“Wow, that's a miracle Lizzy!” She looked away quickly so that her friend would not see her suddenly become overwhelmed with emotion.

“It's less of a miracle when you're on the receiving end of one of those kicks so late at night, but to answer your question, yes, he's still commuting. It's usually only two days a week, every week or every other week. He's rarely there for a weekend, but this time he needed a chance to get some extra work in. The rest of the time he works from his study through video conference.”

“Why doesn't he just move the office some place closer, wouldn't it be less expensive than keeping a location in London?”

“It certainly would, and it would probably bring a lot of jobs to the area, but it would be too difficult for his current employees. A lot of them have families—young children in school, and they are settled around London. Darcy didn't want to have to let any of them go simply because he wanted to be closer to his own family.”

“He's a good boss.”

“Absolutely, his employees are like his second family.”

“You're okay with him being away so often?”

“Honestly? No. It's been three years, and I still hate having him so far away sometimes. Henry and I used to come along before he had to start preschool. And now with me being so far along, I haven't quite had the energy to keep making the train trip. Plus, I'm teaching at the local secondary school now. So I find ways to pass the time until he returns.”

“It must be hard. I mean, this place is so…”

“Big?”

“Yes,” Charlotte laughed. “It's really intimidating.”

“I thought so at first. I almost persuaded Fitzwilliam to move somewhere smaller before Henry was born, but after he came along we didn't even have time to think about that. We have so many memories here now, it's truly become home. Henry loves to explore the house and play in the fields, and I wouldn't trade that for life in London. Besides, I guess I've gotten better at coping. Absence only makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Don't take this the wrong way, but doesn't it scare you being so dependent on him?”

“No, not at all. We're dependent on each other, really. It's comforting, when you think about it. I like knowing I have someone for love and support and that I can be his support when he needs it.”

“Sorry, I didn't want you to think I thought you rely on him completely.”

“No, I know what you meant. You know how I used to be Miss Independent when I was single and how stubborn I was relinquishing that roll, but now...I can't even explain how incredible it is to have Darcy in my life.” Lizzy hesitated a second. “Is there anyone in your life now, Char? I know you were never one for romance and relationships, but surely you've thought of settling down, as well?”

“I've thought about it, but…well, there's the little problem of finding that one person worth settling down with. Finding my own Mr. Darcy or Bingley. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to come by.”

“Yes, but you never know, he could be the next man you bump into like I did, or perhaps he's someone you've already met but overlooked. Or maybe…” Lizzy's face suddenly brightened with an idea.

“Maybe what, Lizzy?”

“Maybe we should throw a dinner party for you and invite some people we know.”

“No, please don't. No set ups. I don't want anyone to see me like this.”

“What's wrong with your appearance? I mean you've lost a little bit of weight, but you can gain it back. You just look tired from traveling. It will wear off.”

“Lizzy,” Charlotte sighed and lowered her head, “it's not just the traveling.”

“What's wrong?”

“I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want Darcy to hear everything, and Henry was in the room playing. I didn't think…I didn't want to bring a dark cloud over your happy family evening.”

“Charlotte, please tell me what's bothering you.”

“I…I don't even know where to begin.”

Lizzy pressed her hand over Charlotte's and squeezed them with reassurance. “You can take all the time you need, and you are welcome to stay here as long as you need to sort things out. I know things cannot be easy for you and your family right now…with your father's sudden passing.”

Both of their faces became grim. Charlotte lowered her head and tried to hide a tear that fell, but this did not escape Lizzy's notice. She gave her friend a tissue and wrapped her arms around her and rubbed her back as Charlotte's tears fell rapidly. Lizzy was truly grieved the day she found out two months ago of his passing. If her doctor hadn't warned her against air travel during this pregnancy, she would have attended the funeral. She remembered the phone calls she had with Charlotte during that time, and her restrained conversation seemed bordering on desperation and loneliness.

No one had expected Mr. Lucas to pass away so suddenly. He seemed to be in perfect health and was younger than Lizzy's father, who had suffered a stroke a few months before she met Darcy almost four years ago. He suffered from a sudden heart attack and simply passed away in his sleep, leaving behind a devastated widow and children. She couldn't help thinking how fortunate she was that her own father was still with them and alive to see his grandchildren grow. Mr. Bennett still chugged along stoically in his old age, despite his reduced health. Charlotte was not so lucky.

Charlotte pulled back suddenly from Lizzy's embrace. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm still so emotional over his death.”

“It's only been a few months. We all grieve in different ways. Besides, I had a feeling you really needed a good cry. I'm glad to be here for you Charlotte, you know that don't you?”

“You and I have always been able to sense each other's true feelings, haven't we?” Charlotte sniffled and wiped her eyes.

“I'd swear we were separated at birth, but I suppose it's just as well you didn't have to grow up with my mother,” Lizzy joked.

“Lizzy, please,” Charlotte slapped her friend's arm, “your mom's improved quite a lot in the past years. She loves her grandchildren, and she's been so good to my mother during this time to help her with the household and keep her company when she's lonely.”

“True, and you know how she and your mom love a good bit of gossip.”

“Well, I suppose she will always be the same silly woman she's always been.”

“Yes, at least I can expect her constancy in that.”

“You know, it would be funny if we ended up like them—neighbors with nothing better to do than come visit each other, talk about our children and grandchildren, and gossip about the other neighbors.”

Lizzy chuckled at the idea and they both started to laugh now.

“Charlotte, I would love for nothing more than to have those I love live in my neighborhood. If only I could persuade Jane to come as well, but she's happy where she is. It's hard to leave a place where there are so many happy memories.”

“Yes,” Charlotte thought of her little home in Portland. Was she truly happy there? There were a few particular good moments that stood out, but they were buried beneath ones she tried to block out lest she break down in tears again.

After some moments of silence Lizzy breathed a sigh of relief.

“What's the matter?”

“Oh nothing, I think the baby has finally calmed down, so I can get some sleep.”

“Oh that's good news. Is it really strange the feeling of the baby moving inside you?”

“Well it's not a normal feeling, you know. It took some getting used to with Henry. But it was amazing. Even though the baby is performing it's own little gymnastic act against your organs, it just feels incredible that there is a life inside of you.”

Charlotte could only smile at her friend. She couldn't truly relate to her feelings.

“You know what I think we both need?” Lizzy continued. “A cup of warm chamomile tea to help us get back to sleep.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Lizzy tried to get up, but couldn't with her round tummy. Charlotte tried to hide her laughter but then offered her friend both hands. After a bit of a struggle on both their parts, she managed to help Lizzy from the couch. They made their way to the kitchen to prepare tea and chatted quietly as they shared a cup. Lizzy's eyes started to droop, as they were finishing up, so Charlotte offered to clean up. Lizzy went to bed to snuggle against her husband, who had just awoken and realized she was gone, and was happy to have her back in his arms for the rest of the night.

Charlotte did not sleep well the rest of the night. She sat up on the sofa near a window in her room and did not find slumber until the sun started to peak over the tree line of the groves surrounding Pemberley.

When Lizzy checked in on her the next morning, she found her curled up with a throw blanket on the sofa. She contemplated waking her so she could move to the bed to be more comfortable, but she looked so worn out that she decided against it. Instead, she retrieved another blanket and placed it over her. She smoothed Charlotte's hair, the same way she smoothed Henry's or Darcy's when they appeared restless in their sleep, and spoke softly, “you are welcome to stay here as long as it takes to get yourself back to the Charlotte I knew.”

=====


Gradually, Charlotte started to adjust to the quiet life that the Darcy's lived at Pemberley. She was surprised though, at how normal their lives were. Darcy had his career with his publishing company, and Lizzy had hers teaching art at the local secondary school. She still did her own work to exhibit, which she did regularly in a few galleries, but in the evenings they spent time as a family. They often cooked their own meals and cleaned up together.

Their love for each other was only matched by their love for their son. Lizzy hated the idea of having a nanny for him. For a while they traveled together as a family on Fitzwilliam's business trips till they realized that it was hurting Henry's schedule, and he was often cranky from lack of structure. So Lizzy didn't work away from home and her studio until he was old enough to attend a nearby day care and preschool. There he could play and make friends with other children his age, and she could be close enough to drop in and have lunch with him. Sometimes they hired a young girl who lived in one of the cottages nearby to baby-sit him during the evenings she and Fitzwilliam wanted some time alone. If they needed someone for longer, Mrs. Reynolds or Georgiana were happy to take him.

Henry was probably the most normal, grounded, and well-behaved child Charlotte had ever met. He was content to play with his toys, which were not fancy expensive ones—with blinking lights and annoying sounds. No, in fact, his favorite toys were a teddy bear that went on all his adventures with him and his football. Charlotte did eventually see that, like all children, he had a mischievous streak in him, which Lizzy swore he got from his father.

The only thing odd about this family was that they were the Darcy's. They lived in a private wing on an enormous historic estate, and they happened to be billionaires. On the other side of the wall separating their own private grounds, the estate ran tours and booked private parties from spring until fall. For the most part, the press left them alone, except for some recent interest in Lizzy's second pregnancy, and they stayed out of the public eye and preferred to donate money to charities quietly rather than showing up to some fancy dinner.

Charlotte soon discovered that despite the quaintness of it all, she liked being a part of their family life. It was something she had missed, living on her own these past years. Slowly, she began to feel rejuvenated. Lizzy was happy to see her complexion look a bit healthier, and she was sleeping better as well. She spent many hours in Darcy's library, taking full advantage of its resources to keep her mind sharp for the poetry and literature she taught. In the evening she, Lizzy, and Fitzwilliam would discuss books, art, and music. It was completely refreshing to sit around in the evening and talk of such topics without the sound of a television or any hint of modern life to distract her.

She also enjoyed the humble, picturesque countryside. She often rode a bike into Lambton with the front basket filled with books and sat at a table in the window of a café and read for hours as she sipped tea and ate warm scones fresh from the oven. Yes, she certainly could get used to this life. Perhaps, she mused, I could apply to a university in the area for my PhD. She wouldn't mind living in England again as she had for her masters degree.

Charlotte sat in her favorite seat in the Lambton café dissecting the poems of Emily Dickinson. She paused from her reading to take a sip of tea, when the bell on the door rang announcing a new customer. She turned the page to the next poem and began reading.

HE touched me, so I live to know
That such a day, permitted so,
I groped upon his breast.
It was a boundless place to me,
And silenced, as the awful sea
Puts minor streams to rest.

And now, I 'm different from before,
As if I breathed superior air*…

“Charlotte?” A hesitant male voice almost stumbled over her name. Her eyes jerked from the page in agitation at the interruption. Upon becoming face to face with the man she spent three years trying to forget, all the color drained from her features, and she could hear her heart pounding in her ears.

Richard Fitzwilliam was the last man she wanted to see. She figured it was inevitable that she would see him on her trip, since he was so close with his cousin, but she had hoped that Lizzy would have given her enough warning so that she could make other plans for the day.

“Charlotte Lucas, I thought it was you.” Richard's kind blue eyes rested on her panicked ones. “I hope I'm not interrupting.” He paused waiting for her to respond, but there was no response. “Is something the matter? I—”

“No, no, nothing is the matter. I…the sun got into my eyes, I thought I was imagining, umm…”

“It's been a long time since I've seen you.” He attempted to smile, but could not maintain it as he took in her nervous expression.

“It has.” Charlotte nodded slowly and looked down at her lap as she began to fidget with the short ends of her hair.

“How have you been? Good I hope?” He looked at her expectantly and she hoped to God he wouldn't notice that she had changed a lot since he had last seen her.

Finally, she looked up straight into his eyes and gave him a small smile. “I'm good. I'm taking a holiday to visit Lizzy, and it's been wonderful.”

“Excellent, I'm happy to hear that. I was just heading to Pemberley myself to drop in for a visit.”

“Oh, well, they were all at home when I left earlier.”

“Do you need a lift back?”

“No, thank you. I'll be fine.”

Richard peered out the window. There were grey clouds in the horizon.

“It looks like rain, and the weather up here changes at the drop of a hat.…perhaps I should give you a lift.”

Charlotte looked out the window. “Still sunshine and blue skies. I'll be fine. I wasn't going to head back till closer to dinner, anyway.”

“Oh, I see. Well, I shall see you at dinner tonight, then.”

“Yes.”

“It was good to see you, Charlotte.”

“Good to see you, too, Richard.”

When he was gone from the shop, Charlotte leaned back in her seat and breathed a huge sigh of relief. She didn't imagine their first meeting going so well. Just as quickly, her mind wandered to their last meeting, and her heart gripped with panic. She suddenly felt like she was smothering in the tiny café, so she packed her things, paid her check, and decided to ride her bike around for a while and view the countryside before she headed back to Pemberley.

She pedaled as fast as she could, as far away as she could. Focusing on the road and her bike allowed her not to think about what had just happened in the café. She finally reached a high point and was able to view the countryside in every direction. Pemberley looked like a small building hidden among the trees. She did not realize how far she had gone until that time. She glanced up at the horizon and saw grey clouds looming.

Damn, Richard was right! The last thing she wanted was to be caught in the rain. Fortunately, she had a plastic bag to keep her books dry, but she was not so lucky, wearing only a light spring jacket with no hood. She rode back down the lane from which she came, hoping to retrace her steps back to Lambton and from there on to Pemberley.

=====

Richard walked out of the shop and back to his car in a daze. He couldn't believe after three years of no contact whatsoever from Charlotte, that she was standing right in front of him. He hadn't seen her since New Years three years ago. She never called him back, and simply vanished from his life completely.

Lizzy was very tight lipped about her friend. She was a bit wary for a while whenever Charlotte happened to be mentioned around him. He dreaded that perhaps she had the wrong idea about his intentions towards her friend. They were only just repairing their relationship, so he knew Lizzy was very guarded around him.

If Lizzy had known that he hired a private investigator to find Charlotte, she probably would have been furious. He didn't want her to think that he was stalking her. He resolutely refused to contact her since she obviously had no interest in contacting him. All he hoped to gain was the satisfaction of being able to sleep at night, knowing that she was alive and well. He had, after many long aching months since their last meeting, decided that he had to face the fact that she despised him, but at least now he had peace of mind.

Now that he had actually seen her again, he didn't know what to think anymore. He couldn't help having flashbacks of that night. The last night he remembered actually feeling complete.

“Darling?” The irritated voice from the passenger seat broke through the turmoil in his head. “Richard.” She snapped her fingers this time to get his attention. “Is something the matter you've not said two words since you've gotten back in the car.”

“No, nothing is the matter, I was just distracted is all.”

“Oh, did you run into someone you knew in there? You took a while.”

“Hmm?”

“I asked what held you up in the café.”

“Oh, nothing…I had to wait for the waitress, she was busy.”

“Well, I suppose that's what you get in these two-bit towns—lousy service.”

“Umm, yeah…well, we'll be at Pemberley before you know it, Helena.”

“Good. I can't wait to meet your family.” She practically squealed.

To be honest Richard didn't understand why his girlfriend of six months was so eager to spend a weekend in the country. She normally detested stepping a mile outside of London.

She spent the remainder of the drive prattling away about how much she couldn't wait to see Pemberley, and how charming everything must be. Even the sheep on the side of the road were charming. When they finally reached Pemberley, a light rain had started. Richard looked at the sky in worry, but then Helena grabbed his arm and started to pull him towards the great house. Richard then looked over at the Darcy's cars. They were all accounted for. Charlotte was either on foot or rode a bike into town. He should have insisted she come back with them.

“Isn't this amazing?” she cooed in his ear.

“Yes, it's a beautiful home.” He looked at the sky again, a crease of worry forming on his brow. By the time they got their bags the rain had started to fall at a steady, heavy pace.


=====


*Part Three: Love
By Emily Dickinson

LII

HE touched me, so I live to know
That such a day, permitted so,
I groped upon his breast.
It was a boundless place to me,
And silenced, as the awful sea 5
Puts minor streams to rest.

And now, I 'm different from before,
As if I breathed superior air,
Or brushed a royal gown;
My feet, too, that had wandered so, 10
My gypsy face transfigured now
To tenderer renown.

Chapter 3



“Damn, damn, damn.” Charlotte cursed as she pedaled as fast as she could. Yet the rain simply fell faster, slowing her progress because the wind gusts were strong. There was no shelter on the back roads to Pemberley for miles between the house and Lambton.

“How do I always manage to get myself into these situations?” She yelled at the sky in frustration when a car drove by, honked at her, and splashed a large puddle all over her, soaking her even more completely.

She finally made it to the road that led to Pemberley's drive. It was surrounded by trees, and she tried to ride her bike closer to them to shelter herself from the rain, but her tires were dragging in the mud. Staying on the road was her only option. She was distracted by some deer running through the trees along side her, when suddenly, there were headlights approaching her. The road was only wide enough for a single car to pass, and it seemed the motorist wasn't giving way for her. Instead, they started honking their horn.

“All right, all right I'm over as far as I can go! Bastard!” she screamed at the driver. The last thing Charlotte remembered was trying to move out of the way of the approaching car, she didn't see a tree branch lying in the road until it was too late.

=====

Richard could vaguely make out a cyclist riding down the lane. He knew it had to be Charlotte, so he flashed his lights and honked at her to get her attention. She moved as far as she could to the side of the road, and before he could blink an eye, he saw her bike skid on the wet road and Charlotte falling down hard.

“Dear God!” He slammed on the brakes, put the car in park, and ran a few paces to her side. She wasn't moving, and her pant leg looked as though it was tangled around her chain. She landed in a bit of gravel so her cheek was scrapped, and there was some blood on her forehead.

“Charlotte,” he cried, “can you hear me? Charlotte?” He shook her gently but she didn't stir.

“Charlotte, please answer me. Please be okay,” he pleaded softly under his breath. He looked down at her ankle and carefully pulled her ripped pant cuff off the spokes of the chain gears. He prodded her ankle gently for breaks, but fortunately found none. He quickly shifted back to examine her head but saw that her eyes were open now.

She blinked slowly several times as she tried to focus. There were two Richard Fitzwilliam's hovering above her. She blinked again, and this time there was only one.

“Charlotte, can you hear me?”

She tried to speak, but her voice seemed not to respond. Her head hurt, and she felt dazed.

“Can you move your neck?”

She tried to do as he asked and found that she could. The worry lines around his eyes softened slightly.

“Can you try and sit up?” He reached for her hands and assisted her in the task.

Her vision spun as she moved, and she groaned from the sudden pain in her head. Richard wrapped his arms around her to steady her body. For a short period of time, she sat upright, leaning against his strong shoulder until she felt better. She didn't realize that he had begun stroking her back and shoulders softly, trying to comfort her. All she comprehended was that she felt safe and secure at that moment, and she was slowly starting to feel better. However, it only brought attention to her throbbing ankle.

“Wha-What happened?” she finally spoke.

“You took a nasty spill. I came to look for you in the rain when Lizzy told me that you were riding a bike from Lambton. She was worried, and I confess I was too.”

“How long was I unconscious?”

“Not long at all. Come, I must get you out of the rain. Can you stand?”

“I think so,” she managed to say weakly.

He helped her to her feet, but as soon as she put pressure on her right foot, she yelped in pain. Richard quickly supported her under her arms to hold her up and soothingly shushed her.

“It's not broken, you'll be okay. You obviously can't walk on it, though.” He then wordlessly scooped her into his arms. She was no burden to his strength. In fact, she seemed much lighter than he remembered. “Put your arms round my neck and hold on. Rest your head against my shoulder again, if it will help.”

She nodded and silently did as he asked as he walked the short distance to his Land Rover. He made sure she was secure in the passenger seat then ran back for her bike and tossed it into the cargo area before jumping into the drivers seat. He turned the heat up high then faced her again to inspect her head wounds.

His strong fingers gently felt along her check, then around the cut on her forehead. He took tissues from the console and tried to clean the wounds as best he could.

“Thank God you're all right.” He smiled kindly. “The cuts aren't deep, but I think you'll have a pretty bad bruise and a headache tomorrow.”

Charlotte sat silently the entire time. She could feel his warm breath and hands on her skin. She closed her eyes slowly as he pushed her bangs from her forehead. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so peaceful.

Suddenly she had a vision of Richard hovering above her, looking at her as he just had—his blue eyes flashing with mirth and a lopsided smile upon his lips. Except this time, they were naked, rolling around in his bed together, anticipating the feeling of when he would enter her and their bodies would join. She felt flushed, and her eyes shot open again. Her body shivered.

Richard sat back at her reaction and looked at her with a concerned expression. He took her small hands in his and stroked them to create friction.

“You're hands are like ice. I have to get you dry. Should I take you to the hospital?”

Charlotte shook her head in the negative. “No…I don't think it's necessary. “

“If you're sure?”

“I've sprained this one several times before when I was younger. I'm sure that's all it is again…I'm just a bit dazed right now.”

“Naturally. Pemberley is closer, I'll take you there.” He smiled the disarming smile that she remembered was always capable of luring her in. He quickly turned the vehicle around, and they headed back to Pemberley.

She leaned her head back against the seat and shut her eyes again. If felt so good to rest her eyes.

“Charlotte, don't fall asleep. You could have a concussion.” He shook her shoulder gently until she turned and looked at him. “We'll be back before you know it, but talk to me until then. You have to stay awake.”

“All right,” she nodded sleepily.

They conversed sparsely until they made it back to Pemberley. Lizzy was looking out the windows from the sitting room for their arrival. When she saw Richard pull up and walk around the car to open the door for Charlotte, she was relieved, but when she watched him lift her into his arms and carry her into the house, she started to panic again.

“Fitzwilliam, something's happened to Charlotte. We must go to her. Richard is carrying her into the house.”

“Lizzy do not exert yourself…”

But it was too late. Lizzy was out the door of the room, so Darcy was quick on her heels. He grabbed an umbrella and finally caught up with her and told her to stay within as he ran out to the courtyard. He went to Richard and held the umbrella over them as he carefully maneuvered Charlotte up the steps. The drenched pair arrived in the foyer, leaving a puddle in their wake.

“Is she all right? What's happened?” Lizzy was frantic with worry.

“Lizzy, calm down. I'm fine,” Charlotte's weak voice replied. “I only fell off my bike.”

“She's got a few cuts and scrapes, and her ankle's twisted pretty badly.” Richard took over speaking on Charlotte's behalf. “We need to get her out of these wet clothes, get her cuts cleaned, and wrap her ankle for her. She can't walk on it.”

“Oh goodness, Charlotte!”

“Lizzy, I'm fine, truly.”

“Okay, quick, follow me, Richard. We'll take her into my bathroom. I have the first aid kit in there we can use.”

Lizzy waddled down the hall as fast as her pregnant stomach would allow her, and Richard and Darcy followed. Charlotte was still a bit dazed and firmly clinging to him, and he held her just as tight.

Richard had taken small liberties while having Charlotte in his arms again. He stroked her thigh slightly, and ran his fingers along her shoulder. When she leaned her weary head against his shoulder again, he bent and placed his lips softly against her hair, and whispered to her, “You'll be all cleaned up and resting in bed before you know it. I promise you.”

He didn't notice that Helena popped her head out of the sitting room and witnessed his secret kiss. She didn't know who this Charlotte Lucas woman was, but just by Richard's behavior, she was certain she was competition. And she was not about to let anyone take Richard from her.

=====

When Richard finally had his burden placed in the master bathroom, he looked around for something to occupy him. Lizzy, however, shooed the men out the door and told them she would take care of things from there on. Only Richard lingered in the doorway.

“Richard, the last thing I need is you getting a cold as well…Go dry off and warm yourself up. There's tea and coffee in the living room.” Richard nodded his acquiescence. He glanced at Charlotte whose face was drawn to her lap in embarrassment before leaving the room.

“First things first, take some aspirin, you're going to need it. Why didn't Richard take you to the hospital?”

“I asked him not to…there's nothing the matter with me.”

“I'll be the judge of that. Char, we really need to get you a cell phone that will work over here so you don't have this problem again.”

Charlotte was in no mood to argue with Lizzy over the situation. All she could think about was dry clothes and resting under a large goose down blanket.

Lizzy carefully removed her tennis shoes and pulled her socks off.

“Good Lord,” she exclaimed at the sight of Charlotte's ankle, “this isn't `nothing' to me. It's swollen and turning a nice shade of blue. Come on, you're going to have to help me get your pants off past this.”

Once that task was completed and the rest of her clothing removed, Lizzy wrapped Charlotte in a very plush terry cloth robe. She cleaned and bandaged her cuts and wrapped her ankle very carefully.

“As soon as Henry started to crawl, I took a first-aid certification course. I knew it would come in handy some day.” She smiled at Charlotte. “Wait here, I'm going to get ice for your ankle. You need to elevate it, and you should rest now. I'll have to get Darcy or Richard to help you back to your room. I don't think we don't have any crutches lying around. You're sure you don't want to go to a doctor?”

“No, I think I can manage. It's only the fourth time I've sprained this one. It will heal in a week, if I stay off it.”

“If the pain is too unbearable, I have to take you to the hospital.”

“I'll see how I feel in an hour or two.”

Lizzy was about to leave the room but then popped her head back in. “Oh, and Char, I'm sorry for Richard's sudden appearance. I know you two were never on the best of terms.”

“No…Lizzy…”

“He called up at the last minute and wanted to come visit for the weekend.”

“It's all right. If it weren't for him, who knows how long I would have been lying by the side of the road. Then again, I probably would have seen that tree branch in front of me.”

Lizzy shook her head in dismay at the situation.

“But I am grateful for him. He rescued me. I am indebted to him now. Perhaps I should take him to lunch.”

“Perhaps. I'll be right back with the ice and one strapping man to help you on your feet.”

Charlotte didn't know if she wished or feared that Richard would be the one to carry her to her room. When Lizzy came back with Richard, however, she definitely feared being seen in such a state. She was more aware of her appearance. Her hair was still a mess, her face was starting to bruise, and she was wearing only a robe.

Richard carefully lifted her again as if she were a mere feather and walked her down the hall to her room. He placed her on her mattress and helped Lizzy elevate her foot and bring the covers up to warm her. Lizzy fussed over Charlotte a bit longer, fluffing her pillow and making sure she was comfortable.

“Thank you, Lizzy, you can switch off of mommy mode now,” she teased.

Lizzy only laughed in reply. “You know you enjoy being babied, just a little bit. And I can't help mommy mode. I'm going through my nesting phase again.”

Char and Richard shared a teasing glance when Lizzy fussed with the covers once again.

When Lizzy was finally finished, she and Richard went to leave the room.

“Richard?” Charlotte's soft voice called out for him. He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. “Thank you…so much for all your care. I…I don't know how I can repay you.”

“Please, you owe me nothing. I only wish none of this happened.”

“But still, I am grateful, and you have my thanks. Perhaps I can treat you to dinner sometime.” She smiled at him tiredly.

“Perhaps.” He met her gaze and returned her smile. They seemed lost, gazing upon each other. Charlotte's eyes slowly started to droop shut.

“Rest well, Charlotte.” He received only a soft sleepy moan in response before he switched out the light.

=====

Richard closed the door and leaned against it on the other side. He groaned softly and rubbed his hands over his face in frustration.

Not good…not bloody good. Why is this happening to me again? It had taken him two and a half years before he learned to open himself up to another woman. He went out on dates with some women mostly to please friends who wanted to set him up, but it never became serious. He had given up casual sex after he met Charlotte. It was difficult for him to remain celibate in the years since, but whenever he thought of having sex with another woman, it reminded him of their last night together, and he just couldn't make himself do it.

He and Charlotte were meant to only be a notch on each other's bed posts, however, she ended up being the one captivating him. He was the one who fell hard and he was completely at her mercy. He knew she was his match in every aspect. Her personality in bed was so like his that it was almost scary. On the outside she was just as feisty and confident. She was witty, funny, extremely intelligent and sophisticated. What scared him the most was realizing that this was the first time he ever needed someone—someone to laugh with, and hold on to at night like he had when Charlotte was too sleepy to protest. It hadn't take him long to realize that no amount of sex with anyone else was ever going to satisfy his need for her, the feel of her soft skin, or the light floral fragrance of her body. Yet he couldn't have her. She made that perfectly clear three years ago.

He couldn't help thinking how beautiful she looked, even now at her worst—bruised, tired, and tussled—she was beautiful, just as he remembered. Her skin was clear and delicate like porcelain, her hair dark and straight, although she was styling it much shorter than he had ever seen before. He rather liked the look on her. She looked a bit like a pixie fairy. She was always petite, which is another reason he loved her, she just felt comfortable to hold. Wait, loved…why am I thinking such things again?

He was in a lot of trouble and he knew it. Charlotte and Helena were in the same house for an entire weekend. How in the world was he going to show his constancy to Helena when Charlotte would torment his every thought? I have to be strong. I will be strong. She's rejected you three times. How can you even have feelings for someone who has none for you? Helena is not perfect, but she does care for me.

Helena was far from perfect. She was a bit prissy and self-absorbed, but she wasn't mercenary towards others. She was just a bit of…well how did he put this nicely, a bit absent-minded and not very worldly. Politics, current events, and books were low on her priority list, but then again, she was considerably younger than he—even more than ten years.

They had met at a charity function. She was working the bar, and he spent most of the night nursing drinks and avoiding his mother who had been harassing him weekly about settling down. Perhaps it was because Helena was far from what his mother wanted, or perhaps it was because she flirted with him and made him laugh, and offered him a warm smile when he was lonely. Whatever it was, he decided to ask her out on a date that night. He took things slowly, very slowly, almost to the point where she was becoming frustrated because he hadn't made a move to bed her. He insisted that he wanted to learn to value the person inside before they took that step, but the past month they had started to warm towards each other, and she was showing signs of being very much taken with him. He was still unsure of his feelings, but their physical relationship had started to grow very recently, and he thought a trip to the country would be a good idea for them to get away.

Christ, what am I going to do?

=====

That night Charlotte slept soundly from exhaustion, but Lizzy was the one up tossing and turning again.

“Bella, my love,” Darcy's sleepy voice grumbled as he rolled over and put an arm around her, “why are you so restless? Is it the baby again?” He stroked her stomach slowly trying to feel for a kick.

“No, Fitz…I'm the one who is restless for once.”

“Is something troubling you?”

Lizzy started to beat the pillow behind her head trying to get comfortable.

“Here, let me do that for you. Now, tell me what's on your mind?”

“I'm worried about Charlotte.”

“Naturally, she gave us quite a scare today.”

“Yes, but it's not just that. She isn't the same, she hasn't been the same for some time.”

“I've noticed.”

“You have?”

“Yes, I'm not blind, Lizzy.”

“Darling, has Richard ever mentioned her?”

“Richard? What has he to do with all this?”

“Don't play stupid. You know about their past as well as I do.”

“I know…I'm sorry Lizzy, there are just some things he's told me in confidence.”

“And everything Charlotte tells me is in confidence, but when it comes to you and I, there are no secrets. Are you sure you can't tell me what Richard has told you?”

“It's not a pretty tale. He loves her, well…loved her, you know. He cared for her deeply, and she rejected him—several times, in fact. It's taken him a long time to get over her.”

“Darling, I have a feeling Charlotte cares for Richard more than she'll ever admit to me. She was always so cool and collected when she talked about him in the past, but I have a feeling she was simply evading the truth.”

“What reason would she have not to be truthful with you about him?”

“None really that I know of. It's just that she had this reputation when we were younger of being the type of woman who never lets her feelings towards a man show. She had a bad patch of relationships when she was in college and grad school, and well, remember how I had a difficult time learning to trust you because of a previous bad relationship?”

“Yes.”

“Well imagine that ten fold in Charlotte's case. Plus, she is extremely career-driven, and a man never exactly fit into her plans.”

“So, she has trust issues, and that's what kept her from being open towards Richard?”

“I suppose. She was always a bit more like a man in her attitude towards relationships.”

“Like a man?”

“You know what I mean…well, perhaps I should say she was more like Richard used to be. Growing up, she had all brothers, and her family treated her like one of them. Then, in high school she was bookish and had no figure, so the boys made fun of her. She was afraid of them. I think when she got to college she was sick of being humiliated and decided to be the one to have all the men at her mercy. Her figure filled out a bit, but really they all knew she was smarter than them. She was Summa Cum Laude and valedictorian of her college you know.”

“I think it's all a façade. We know what a sweet person she is. There must be a deeper issue hiding beneath her behavior.”

“You've been talking with your therapist too much,” Lizzy smirked.

“Lizzy, have you ever asked her why she was so afraid of men and suddenly she went through a period of using them? She doesn't let anyone close, and simply goes through life with no emotional attachments.”

“I really don't know, but I am sure that if there was something, she would have told me.”

“Well, so now what do we do for the rest of the weekend?”

“Yes, we've got a bit of a predicament on our hands. Richard used to love Charlotte, but Charlotte doesn't love him…but I think she's just afraid to admit the truth. She hasn't seen him for three years, and now they're going to be under the same roof…with his girlfriend. D-r-a-m-a.”

“Yes, of the worst kind. But I have decided not to interfere whatsoever, and I think you should adopt my policy as well, Lizzy.”

Lizzy pretended to find her negligee interesting.

“Right, Lizzy?” Darcy gently nuzzled her cheek. “Don't get any silly matchmaking ideas in your head. Richard is his own man, and if he and Charlotte ever had a chance, I'm sure something would have happened by now. Helena is a guest in our home as well.”

Lizzy huffed, “Helena. First of all, she's younger than I am, and Richard is older than you are. And it seems to me all she was concerned about was her manicure.”

“Perhaps she was nervous tonight—meeting us and being in such surroundings. I think you don't want to like her because of your friend.”

“I have a bad feeling about Helena. There's something false in her affection towards Richard.”

“She seemed amiable to me, just a bit well…silly. But she is young.”

“Too young for him. Richard should be dating someone closer to his own age.”

Darcy leaned forward and kissed her brow. “Come on, Lizzy, don't get too worked up over it. He may not be that serious about her after all.”

“Perhaps not.”

“I do wish he would settle down, though. I only wish he would be as lucky as I am.”

“He has proven to me over the years that he is a good man, and he deserves a good woman. There's something about the way he interacts with Char…I think they would be right for each other.”

“Well, that is for them to decide.” Darcy paused in thought for some time. “I do have to admit the last time we saw them together…it was New Years three years ago, there was a spark. They looked happy together. I'd like to see them be friends or at least to see Richard reconciled and moved on. He's been miserable for too long.”

“But if only we could get them together somehow…”

“Lizzy,” Darcy warned gently.

Darcy became quiet. His eyes were gazing intently upon her breasts through the transparent fabric. He slowly unbuttoned the top few buttons of her negligee and pushed it open to reveal them. He took great delight in watching her breathing slowly change and her eyes darken under his inspection.

“Enough of my cousin and your friend. I only want to think about my wife and how ravishing she looks tonight in this transparent little number.”

“You certainly do know how to take my mind off of stress,” Lizzy smiled devilishly.

“Yes, and Henry wouldn't be having a brother or sister soon if it weren't for all that stress relief.” He ran a single finger over her bare breast and watched her breathing hitch, then pulled his hand away.

“Teasing man.”

He moved in for his target again. “Beautiful woman,” he commented before pulling a nipple into his mouth and suckling gently. It wasn't long before her generous husband was placing kisses all over her body paying special attention to her stomach, before moving to arouse the favorite part of his Bella. Lizzy was writhing from his every touch.

This was one thing they both enjoyed about pregnancy. Her sex drive was high, and he was insatiable with her body swollen with their child. Sex was usually very wild and passionate between them. She was reminded of the hours of sex they used to have as newlyweds, or in the beginning of their relationship. They were more comfortable now and knew exactly how to push each other's buttons, but they promised to always try and keep things fresh in the bedroom. The special books locked away in Pemberley's library were dusted off and had gotten plenty of use over the years.

Since she was so far along now though, they calmed things down a bit. Darcy was always considerate and made sure she was comfortable and that she always came first. He moved back up her body and kissed her neck and shoulders as he settled along side her and spooned her body from behind. He wrapped his arms around her and cupped her breasts. Lizzy reached behind her for his manhood and felt along his length.

“I see my favorite Darcy is ready for me,” she teased lightly.

“What's his name, Lizzy?” He bit her neck gently as he moved one hand between her legs. He found she was definitely ready for him.

“Mmm,” she groaned in pleasure, “the Master of Pemberley.”

Darcy chuckled a deep throaty laugh in her ear. He remembered the night she dubbed his member. They had a wild romp in main house because they were determined to christen every room in the great house. It was silly, but then again, he loved to have his ego stroked. Speaking of stroking, he was going to go mad if Lizzy played with that sensitive spot again. He could resist no longer he pushed his knee between her legs and gently ran his tip along her sex as she tried to move to accommodate him as best she could. He pushed into her warmth slowly. Their bodies found their home in each other as she pressed her bottom against him, and he pushed into the hilt. She reached her hands behind her and ran her fingers through his hair as he wrapped his arms tighter, surrounding her in the strength of his embrace.

He moved slowly within her, waiting for her to signal her comfort. He tried to drive into her harder when he could tell her body was demanding it, but the angle didn't allow her to climax.

“Hold my hands,” he groaned as he grabbed her waist. He moved to his back and took her astride with him with her back facing him. He lifted her on his manhood then lowered her hard. He was rewarded with a sharp cry of pleasure from her, so he repeated the action again and again. Lizzy was almost over the edge.

It was times like this that he blessed having the mirror installed above their bed. She tossed her hair, and he watched in the mirror as her head rolled back exposing her neck. Her back arched, pushing her breasts out on beautiful display. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer under such a sight. He raised his hips hard and thrust into her. Darcy finally got his reward as he felt her sex pulsing around his hard length. When she exclaimed she would faint from the pleasure, he sat up and wrapped his arms around her, the movement causing him to spill into her with a throaty groan.

“My lovely Bella,” he whispered into her ear as he lowered her back against the bed.

She merely sighed contentedly as he moved her from atop him to spoon her again. He ran his hands along her stomach and kissed her neck and held her till their bodies calmed. They were both soon on the verge of slumber. However, the baby had another idea for its mommy, and the kicking beneath his hand woke Darcy up with a smile.

“I'm so excited that our family is growing. I always wished I had loads of brothers and sisters. I want Henry to have at least one or two more after this baby.”

“One at a time, Fitz, one at a time. Let me get through this one first.” Lizzy said with amusement in her voice.

“I'm only sorry it's so difficult for you.”

“Nobody ever said life was easy. It's a burden I gladly bear because the end result is so beautiful.”

“And I certainly love my part in the whole affair.”

Lizzy laughed and smacked his hand as it moved sneakily along her thigh.

“A big family is not all it's cracked up to be,” Lizzy smirked as she thought of fighting with her siblings, “but I admit I wouldn't change my childhood one bit. Besides, you have Georgie who loves you greatly, and Richard is practically a brother.”

“But still, I always envisioned a large family with you. Lots of dark-haired, bright-eyed little Lizzy's.” He burrowed his face against her neck, “And you know how much I love your body when you're pregnant…especially these.” He gave her breasts a quick squeeze.

“Careful, honey, they're tender right now.”

They both became silent again, but Lizzy apparently wasn't ready for sleep.

“You know if Richard and Char just…”

“That's it. I see someone might need more of a work out before they're ready for sleep tonight.” Darcy quickly dove beneath the sheets before Lizzy could respond. They both knew she wouldn't protest anyway, and he was rewarded when her body shivered from his touch.

=====

Down the hall Richard was not sleeping well, either. He sat up in bed with his robe on attempting to read a book, but in truth he had been reading the same page for probably ten minutes. There was a soft knock on his door. He bolted up in bed at the thought that Charlotte might come to him, but then he remembered that she could barely walk right now. The only person it could be was Helena.

“Come in,” he called out to her.

The door opened slowly, and she sashayed into the room wearing a skimpy little nightdress, and fluffy slippers. He put his book aside and went to her.

“Helena, this old house doesn't have the best heating. You have to be freezing.” He took a throw and put it around her shoulders.

“Good evening to you, too,” she nearly huffed in frustration.

“Sorry, forgive me.” He smiled and kissed her hand. “You look lovely.”

“I suppose I should be grateful you're always such a gentleman.”

“I try to be,” he smirked.

“Richard, you're wearing glasses.”

“Yes, reading glasses.”

“You look like an old man,” she giggled.

“Thanks,” was Richard's sarcastic reply. “I suppose compared to you, I'll always be old.”

“But you're still sexy.” She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his neck.

He kept his hands to his side while she continued to kiss him slowly. She finally stopped when she noticed his lack of response.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing, it's late. I'm a bit tired.”

“Oh, you're not in the mood to…you know, fool around a bit?” She ran a finger down his chest and tugged at his robe belt.

“No, not right now. Sorry.”

“Oh.” Helena looked crestfallen.

He kissed her forehead, “Sorry, honey, it's just that I'm tired and with a child and other guests in the house, I didn't think it would be appropriate for us to…” he trailed off. He didn't want to say have sex because they actually hadn't yet.

“I see. Can I at least cuddle with you tonight?”

“I suppose, if you want to stay.”

Helena didn't want to tell him what was on her mind at the moment. Since he hadn't asked her to leave, she decided to take the opportunity to sleep next to him. Perhaps she could finally get him in the mood for sex later tonight. At her age, she was not used to a man who didn't want to jump in the sack with her after the first date. It had taken some getting used to with Richard's behavior, but she learned to see that he had morals and valued her as a person. At the same time, though, she couldn't help feeling like he treated her more like a protective older brother sometimes. She often felt there was something wrong with her… or them. She put on skimpy nightclothes, and it was as if she was wearing a burlap sack. Why couldn't she turn him on? She considered herself a hot blond, after all.

She got into bed with him, and he snuggled up behind her and spooned her, but made no other moves. In fact, she heard his breathing start to become heavier.

“Richard?”

“Yes, Helena?”

“I don't understand you. Are you not attracted to me?”

Richard sighed and tried to hide his annoyance. “You're very attractive, Helena, you know that.”

“I asked if you were attracted to me, not whether or not I'm attractive.”

“Yes, I'm attracted to you.”

“Then why won't you…”

“I told you, I'm tired. It's late. And we're not alone in this house.”

“But the house is huge, and it's such a romantic setting.”

“Helena, I don't want to get into an argument tonight. Please, let's just go to sleep, honey.”

“All right, fine.”

However, she still had more to get off her chest. “Richard,” she asked after many minutes of silence, “who is the other guest here?”

“Charlotte?”

“Is that her name?”

“Yes, Charlotte. She's an old friend of Lizzy's, visiting from the States. She's an English Lit professor, so I suppose she's here doing research.”

“Do you know her?” She tried to make her questions sound like innocent conversation, but really, she was trying to gauge how Richard felt for this woman.

“I used to years ago, when I lived in the States,” he commented, but couldn't bring himself to offer any more information. “Time for bed now.”

“Oh?”

“Goodnight, Helena.” Richard leaned over and kissed her, which made her happy. However, about an hour later, he rolled away from her in his sleep and did not touch her for the rest of the night, which frustrated her to no end.

=====

I used to be years ago… were his last thoughts as he drifted off to sleep. It was not a peaceful sleep. His dreams were full of vivid memories of the past, and the woman who slept two doors down.

Chapter 4

Three years ago…

“Happy New Year!” Charlotte shouted into the night sky as she and Richard strolled along Park Avenue.

“Happy New Year!” Another couple shouted in return.

They had just come from dancing at a jazz club that was having a party all night long, and now Richard was taking her for a nighttime stroll.

“I'm having so much fun.” Charlotte said as she grabbed a street light pole and spun around it. Richard laughed at her playfulness. He grabbed her free hand and spun her from the pole into his arms. Charlotte's opal eyes were glowing from the exercise, and Richards features were filled with a large smile that reflected in his eyes

“I'm having fun, too.” Richard started an impromptu dance with her cheek to cheek on the sidewalk under the streetlight. Even If it had been pouring down rain it would have been one of those perfect moments, where doing such silly spontaneous things like dancing in the cold night air, seemed the only way to express how they felt.

“I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be,” he whispered softly against her cheek.

Charlotte stopped and looked at him, she hesitated briefly then whispered, “Me, either.” She looked into his pale blue eyes and smiled softly. Her eyes wandered down to his lips. Suddenly she had an urge to kiss him. She wanted to remember what his lips felt like. Before she lost her nerve, she stepped up on her tiptoes and kissed him quickly on the lips then took a step back innocently.

Richard looked at her stunned. He couldn't believe what had just happened. The feeling of her lips pressed against his, even for the briefest of touches, sent a shock of pleasure through his body, but it was immediately followed by confusion. He looked at her trying to read her expression. His unsure eyes were met with a smile. He allowed himself to hope again as he had scarcely allowed before. Hesitantly, he closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her tighter, bringing her body up against his.

He lowered his head slowly as he wondered if she would reject his advances as she had last time they were alone together. His lips brushed against hers softly, more a whisper of a kiss than a true kiss. He pulled back to see her lidded eyes and then lowered his lips to hers again and bestowed another gentle kiss.

Charlotte began to respond as hesitantly as he was advancing. She moved her hands up his torso and clutched the lapels of his wool coat. His hands moved along her shoulders then one cupped her cheek.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you look tonight?”

Charlotte couldn't think of a response, so she merely bowed her head in modest embarrassment. The hand that was cupping her cheek moved to tilt her chin back up to face him.

“You are beautiful.” He smiled weakly when her eyes met his. Charlotte stood on tiptoe again and kissed him, this time without any of the hesitation that they both first held towards each other. Her arms went around his neck, and his went around her lower back holding her up to him. His lips met hers tentatively again, but she quickly deepened the kiss.

Richard wasn't sure if he should thank God for this moment or be wary when he felt her tongue against his lips, but a soft groan that escaped from Charlotte's throat made him forget his uncertainty, and now he was the one kissing her ferociously. His tongue met hers in a seductive, heady battle that left both of them gasping for air. Their breath made clouds of white steam in the winter night.

“It's been such an incredible evening,” she whispered against his chest, when they finally caught their breath.

“It has,” he nodded, not sure if he could even think clearly to say more.

“Does it have to end?”

“Do you want it to?”

“No.”

“You're sure? I thought that…I don't know if…”

Charlotte grabbed Richard's hand and started heading north towards the direction of his apartment.

“I'm sure.” She turned and looked boldly into his eyes.

He kissed her hand in response.

“Taxi!”


=====


The elevator doors opened, and a mess of limbs stumbled into the hall with a loud laugh between kisses. Charlotte practically jumped into Richard's arms.

“Wait,” he laughed. “We're almost inside.”

Charlotte giggled when he playfully slapped her bottom.

“Behave yourself. I don't want to disturb my neighbors.”

He quickly got his keys out, and they stumbled again into his foyer. Richard kicked the door shut with his foot as his hands were otherwise more pleasurably occupied unfastening the buttons on Charlotte's coat.

A trail of clothing was left behind on their way to Richard's bedroom—shoes, shirt, trousers, dress, socks, camisole, slip, one black silk stocking, and then the other. Richard finally had Charlotte back against his bed, and they both fell onto it with a laugh. She scooted up to the headboard, and he was quick to follow kissing her neck as they moved.

One large hand went around her slender waist, and the other was tangled in her hair. He brought her body along his, and their legs intertwined with each other's—hers small, but toned and his long, and very masculine. He kissed down her neck, causing her to groan. It was a sound he so desperately loved to hear from her. He remembered it well. His hands cupped her small breasts and rubbed her nipples through the lace of her bra, and she arched against him.

“This is in my way.” He commented aloud more to himself than to her. He quickly worked on unfastening the sexy little number and tossed it across the room with the rest of her things. A smile filled his face all the way to his eyes when he beheld his favorite pair of perky small breasts.

“You're perfect,” he commented before moving in to kiss them. He kissed the underside of each breast then enclosed his mouth around a nipple. Richard took his time slowly seducing her as he kissed every inch of her body. His rough fingers ran over her skin, taking in every curve. He felt how smooth and delicate she was, his five o'clock shadow had reddened her cheeks slightly, and his kisses caused her lips to swell.

When he finally reached the apex of her thighs, he kissed her with determination before parting her sex and running his tongue over her clitoris. He had never had the opportunity to pleasure her in such a way before now. He had been too selfish to think of her pleasure first, but now he was resolved to do whatever it took to make her climax first, before he even thought of his own fulfillment. Richard had to show her how much her pleasure and her happiness meant to him. His tongue moved fiercely, and two fingers slipped into her, applying pressure.

Charlotte's back arched up, and she leaned back on her elbows. Her head rolled at the warm wet sensation of his tongue manipulating her with tenacity. He stopped briefly only to tell her that she should tell him exactly what felt best. With a little bit of coaching, he found which spots gave her the most pleasure and was rewarded when her body began to shiver, slowly at first, and then with more intensity.

Her hips bucked once, then again.

“R-Richard,” she called to him with ragged breath. He only responded by holding her hip down with one hand, but increasing thrusting his fingers inside her. She gasped loudly and cried his name again.

One small hand ran through his hair, entangling it around her fingers, the other grasped at his shoulder as her body began to climb higher. Yes, Charlotte thought, Richard Fitzwilliam's tongue was lethal.

“Please Richard,” she whimpered.

Richard couldn't allow her beg. The sound of her voice only made him harder, but he wanted to be generous and attentive to all of her needs tonight. He gently bit her inner thigh then bestowed a kiss upon it.

Charlotte's eyes darkened as she watched his teeth nibble her skin. She grabbed at his broad shoulders again, and this time, he followed her command, and raised his body till their faces were aligned.

“Tell me what you want, Charlotte.”

“I want you.” She cried as she felt his hands continue the work of his tongue.

“Tell me how you want me.”

“I want you inside of me…now.” She groaned against his neck. She nipped his skin with her teeth, and grabbed his firm buttocks, pressing him against her fiercely.

“I see you're ready for me,” she caressed the length of him and gave his testicles a gentle but deliberate squeeze.

His breathing hitched, and he wasn't able to stifle a groan from her touch. He had doubted briefly whether or not he should rush back into bed with her, but feeling her hand caress him again at the base of his manhood and run firmly up to his velvety tip—paying extra attention to that spot—he knew he could not deny her or himself this night of pleasure. He had been desperate for her for so long, and his power to resist her was completely broken.

Before either of them could think twice about stopping, Charlotte guided him to enter her. He grabbed the back of her knee as she ran his tip along her sex.

“Oh God, Charlotte, don't torture me any longer!”

“You're the one who is torturing me. No more playing. I want you, and I want you hard.”

He entered her swiftly. The first thrust was gentle, but the second pushed to the hilt. They groaned simultaneously from the sensation. He from being sheathed in her tight wet warmth, and she from the feeling of being filled completely for the first time in ages. She was petite, but he was very large and could reach places inside her that ached to be stroked.

They became quiet while they concentrated on the sensations; the only sounds were gentle pants of breath from Charlotte and deeper throaty ones from Richard.

Charlotte's hands ran up along his strong forearms, and she placed them gently on either side of his face. She stroked his cheek, and they looked into each other eyes. This was an unfamiliar place for each of them, being so intimate during sex. It was as if suddenly nothing mattered besides being together and holding each other. Richard lowered his body closer to hers and they pressed their foreheads together. His thrusting slowed to long languid strokes.

The only thoughts running through Charlotte's mind was how to pleasure him, and Richard, in turn, focused completely on touching her to bring her to climax. Her hands ran along his solid chest then clutched at his back. He kissed along her neck then met her lips again fiercely.

“Come with me,” she pleaded against his lips.

He felt her writhing below him, her small torso arched to meet his. He wrapped his arms around her lower back and raised her hips to allow him to penetrate deeper and fill her completely. His thrusting became even harder, and he felt her body react instantly.

With a cry that started out low and increased in intensity, Charlotte began to orgasm. Her body felt weightless as her sex pulsed to meet each of his thrusts. She dug her nails into his skin and held on as he took her for the most passionate ride of her life.

In the heat of the moment, thoughts that were running around his head came pouring out of his mouth. “Charlotte, my beautiful, sweet Charlotte!…You have no idea, do you? Just no idea how much I need you, how much I've missed you. God, I love you.”

His words were spoken with such emotion that his name was cried softly from her lips. He grinned proudly when he felt her peak multiple times, but suddenly Charlotte began moving her hips in tune with his, he felt his control begin to slip. With several more thrusts, he came with a deep throaty growl, and his release pulsed into her.

His body collapsed against hers, and their arms and limbs entwined in a tight embrace. Slick with perspiration, their hot breath mingled as he kissed her softly while they came down from paradise. Slowly he pulled away, and they gazed intently at each other with silly grins on their faces.

“How did you do that?” he asked her as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“How did you do that?” she laughed, as she repeated his question.

Richard tossed his head back and laughed heartily along with her. He grabbed her about her waist again and rolled with her on his bed in a fit of giggles. He felt elated, as if he were ten years younger. This was the greatest night of his life.

“I forgot how feisty you were, my perfect, beautiful little Charlotte.”

“Hmm, yes, and I forgot how big you were,” she teased but then became a little more serious. “You are so handsome right now, just being Richard. Your hair's a mess, and you need to shave, but you look delicious.”

He smiled. If there was any doubt his in his mind earlier about sleeping together again, obviously it was long gone. He remembered dozing off to sleep feeling content for the first time in a long time. His head was filled with thoughts of their future, and he was certain he would never let her go again now that she had come back to him.

=====

When he woke it was past noon. He felt along the other side of the bed for Charlotte. The space was empty and the sheets were cold. He sat up in a panic and looked about the room.

“Charlotte?” he called out for her.

Silence.

“Charlotte?” He called louder this time as he climbed out of bed. He looked into the bathroom then ran to the main part of his apartment. It was empty, and only his clothes remained strewn on the floor from the night before. He paced briefly and brought a shaky fist to his mouth. Then he quickly bolted to his closet, threw on some clothes, grabbed his keys and wallet, and ran out the door.

He hailed a taxi to Darcy's loft downtown. He called his cousin while he was in the cab on his way. Darcy buzzed him into the building, and a few minutes later, he busted through the door to the loft and went straight to the guest room. Darcy looked at his cousin in surprise at his behavior. Richard came storming out of the guest bedroom. His face looked grim.

“Where is she?” he demanded.

“Shhh.” Darcy then pointed a thumb into the sitting area, and Richard looked over his shoulder to see the perfect picture Lizzy made slumbering on the couch with Henry folded in a blanket against her chest. Darcy grabbed Richard's arm and guided him into his office then quietly shut the door.

“What's the matter? Why are you looking for Charlotte? She left early this morning.”

“What! She left? But…Why?” Anger, then bewilderment quickly crossed his features.

“She had a flight to catch?”

“A flight? But where is she going?”

“Portland, then on to a small town college where she…”

“Where?”

“Can't remember the name exactly…it's some tiny, liberal arts school.”

“What for?”

“Work, of course. She was offered a job as a professor of English, not just an assistant…with tenure track. Of course, she took the job.”

“Work?”

“Yes, Richard. Is something the matter? You look dazed.”

“I don't understand. Why didn't she tell me?” he questioned softly more to himself as he started to rub his temples.

“What's wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Something is the matter for you to be acting like this. What the hell happened last night? I didn't hear Charlotte come in until around nine-thirty this morning then she ran out with her things and left us a quick apology note because she was running late for the airport. Then you come busting in here this afternoon, and demand to know where she is. Obviously something is up. I'm not blind, you know.”

Richard couldn't think clearly. He sat down on Darcy's leather sofa and leaned his head in his hands. Darcy watched with shock as his cousin's shoulders began to shake.

“Richard?” He hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. Richard merely shook his head. He did not want Darcy's comfort or sympathy, and he certainly wasn't ready to talk about what had just happened. The only thoughts that ran through his head asked, what had he done wrong? And why did she leave with out saying goodbye?

=====

Pemberley, Three years later…

Charlotte lay in bed with her foot propped up on a pillow. The sun was rising and starting to peak through the curtains. She had slept that night but only because of the exhaustion from yesterday's fiasco in the rainstorm. Seeing Richard again made her think about three years ago—the last night they spent in each other's arms as if they were the only two beings on earth. Then she remembered the morning after.

That morning so long ago, she had woken up with the worst hangover in history. Her head pounded, and the sunlight hurt her eyes. She immediately groaned and rolled over. It was then that she realized she was naked, and she felt some one's warm breath on her neck. She looked up to discern who it was, and she was both relieved and distressed to discover that it was Richard Fitzwilliam.

She thought back to last night, or what she could remember it. Their legs were wrapped together, and she felt his morning erection pressing against her stomach. Her lower body ached. So many thoughts ran through her head at that moment. The one that prevailed was fear. What was she thinking just jumping back into bed with him? What on earth was wrong with her? He was the worst womanizer she ever met, and she was like putty in his hands.

She actually wanted to let herself believe that he wanted to get to know her. But it was obviously all lies. Lies he simply fed to her to get her into bed again, and she was drunk enough last night to let it happen. Stupid, stupid alcohol! Stupid, stupid Charlotte!

She panicked and tried to push away from him, but he only clung tighter to her in his sleep, pushing her breasts against his firm, broad chest and his tickling chest hairs. This had to stop. She wondered what time it was? Almost nine o'clock.

Her flight!!

She turned back around and looked at the clock again, then she squirmed away from his warm embrace as quickly as possible. Fortunately, he didn't even flinch at her escape. She got her things together, dressed, and didn't even have time to wake him or say goodbye she was running so late. She didn't have the heart to wake him, any way. He looked worn out and was beginning to snore loudly.

When she was boarding a flight from JFK to Portland, she finally had time to stop and think about what she had done. She was exhausted from being up all night drinking and dancing, and apparently having wild sex as well, but she was also angry with herself.

Foolish woman! She wanted to leave that promiscuous part of her life behind, and one stupid night ruined it all. Why did she let herself simply fall back into those old habits with him as if there were no consequences?

She didn't remember all the details of that perfect night that first morning after. They came back to her slowly in daydreams in the days that followed. She did finally recall that he treated her as if she was his lover that night, and she would be foolish to deny that he made her feel loved. She knew Richard cared for her, or at least she thought she knew. Actually she didn't know what to think now. Was any of it real? Or was it all a dream.

She was so confused. She was supposed to loathe him, and yet, when she thought of him and remembered the look in his eyes that night as their bodies joined so pure and full of adoration, she knew it wasn't just sex between them this time. Charlotte's mind, however, continued to deny what her body was telling her.

There was something more there, but she was too afraid to admit it. Every time she resolved to call him and apologize, it just seemed easier to talk her self out of it as time slowly crawled forward from that night. I didn't even have the decency to say goodbye. He must despise me now, were the thoughts that entered her head when she thought of calling him. She was afraid he would simply hang up on her, and she felt she deserved no less from him anyway. She often went to bed alone at night wondering why she was being such a coward.

She could not shake off her guilt. It plagued her daily. She knew she had hurt him by what she had done, and she would always regret it. She felt she didn't even deserve his love now. If only she hadn't been so foolish. If only I could have learned to trust him and to trust myself.

Her mind had began to wander to darker thoughts, when she heard the door to her bedroom click open and the padding of tiny feet heading towards her bed.

“Aunt Charwette?” Henry's small voice called out to her. “It's time to get up, Aunt Charwette.”

“Henry, it's early. What are you doing up? And where are Mommy and Daddy?”

“Sleeping.” He jumped on the empty side of her bed. Charlotte couldn't help smiling at his exuberance.

“Aunt Charwette, you promised to go swim with me today.”

“Oh gosh, I completely forgot!” Charlotte watched as Henry's face fell. “Henry, Auntie Charlotte hurt her foot. Look.” She pointed to her bandaged ankle. Henry moved to inspect it carefully. He poked her foot gently then tried to wiggle her big toe. “Careful, sweetheart.”

“Sorry,” he apologized.

“So what's wrong with my ankle, Doctor Henry?”

“You have bruises, and one on your forehead too.”

“Indeed?”

“Yup,” he nodded. “Black and blue all over. I had bruises, too.”

“Come up here, and tell me what happened.” Charlotte patted the pillow next to her and Henry plopped himself on it and leaned a chubby cheek on his little hand.

“I fell, and Mummy was very upset.”

“What did you do?”

“I was a pirate, and I jumped to save my treasure.”

“Actually he was climbing on one of the large marble statues in the garden,” his father spoke from the doorway, “and he fell a few feet down into the shrubs on one side. We're lucky he didn't hit his head on the stone bench beneath it. Why don't you show Aunt Charlotte your scrapes, Henry?”

Henry lifted the sleeve of his pajama top and showed Charlotte his elbow that was still healing and the other cut on his knee.

“Goodness, well, did you save your treasure, Henry?”

“No, Mummy took it away.”

“His action heroes,” Darcy whispered. “He was also in big trouble for misbehaving and scaring his Mama so much, weren't you?”

Henry looked down and nodded.

“And we also learned that day not to sneak away by yourself, and to listen when Mummy tells to stay out of the part of the garden where she can't see you and to play pirate adventures only on your playground, didn't we?”

“Yes,” he nodded gravely.

“Good. Now, come here and give Daddy a hug and kiss good morning.”

Henry quickly leapt into his dad's arms, and Darcy spun him around making airplane noises as he gave him a kiss then made raspberries on his stomach. Charlotte couldn't help laughing at the scene the two of them made.

“Now, young man, why are you bothering Aunt Charlotte so early in the morning?”

“Oh, he's no bother,” Charlotte insisted.

“We're suppose' to swim today.”

“Not today, Henry. Aunt Charlotte hurt her foot. I'll swim with you instead, okay?”

“Okay.”

“But first things first.” He set Henry down. “You need a bath since you refused last night. And swimming does not count for soap and a scrub brush.”

“Ohhhh, but…” he started to whine.

“No, buts.” His father gave him a stern look, “Go get your tub toys, and I'll be down to help you in a minute.” Henry then scampered off down the hall.

“Sorry, about that, Charlotte.”

“Oh, he's no bother really.”

“He's an early riser like me, as you can already tell, but Lizzy needs to rest more these days. Anyway, I found these in our storage closet.” He pulled a pair of crutches from leaning against the doorway. “They were Georgie's. I think she's about your height, but let's find out.”

He helped Charlotte up, and she adjusted herself on the crutches and hobbled around a bit.

“I'm an old pro at this,” she laughed at herself.

“I'm glad they're working out.”

“Yes, now I don't need a personal carrier.” Charlotte tried to laugh but then remembered what it was like to have Richard holding her again.

“Oh, Mrs. R is cooking a nice breakfast for all of us at eight, so you can rest up a little more until then. Is there anything else you need?”

“No, I'm fine. Thank you so much.”

“No problem, and please call for me if Henry is bothering you. I know he can be a handful—takes after his mom.” He winked.

“I think Lizzy would beg to differ,” Charlotte teased in return.

Darcy heard Henry shouting for him from down the hall, and he yelled out the door at him.

“Henry! What have I told you about shouting?” He turned back to Charlotte. “I've got to run before there's bubble bath everywhere.”

Charlotte shook her head. She couldn't help laughing at how alike the two were. She hobbled back over to the bed and rested until it was time for breakfast.

Chapter 5

Charlotte managed to get out of bed, go through her morning routine, and now stood staring at her closet.

Boring, boring, dull, what was I thinking? This one screams teacher! She commented to herself as she sifted through her things. She spied a pair of sexy jeans and thought about wearing them briefly, but then remembered that she probably couldn't get them past her ankle without some help.

Who are you kidding? Who are you trying to impress anyway? She berated herself. She settled for comfortable gym pants, and a college sweatshirt. Lizzy was right about the house being drafty from fall through late spring. She always needed an extra sweater to stay warm.

Charlotte eventually made her way down the hall to the breakfast room. The smells of fresh sausage, warm muffins, and eggs and the sounds of laughter warmed her heart. She hadn't eaten dinner last night. She fell asleep from exhaustion, so she looked forward to good food and conversation.

She hobbled through the door and took in the happy view of the family sitting down to breakfast. Henry was in his booster seat, and Lizzy cut his food for him in small bites. Darcy placed Lizzy's plate in front of her and she kissed his cheek in thanks as he sat down. However, there was a stranger in the room sitting next to Richard. Charlotte watched with shock as the young blond casually placed her hand on Richard's thigh while they were conversing. She slowly ran her fingers up his leg until he placed his hand over hers and stilled her movement. She then looked at him and gave him a cheeky grin.

Lizzy was the first to notice Charlotte standing in the doorway staring at Richard and Helena with a look of confusion.

“Charlotte, honey! Good morning, it's good to see you up and about.”

All eyes in the room turned on her, Darcy and Richard stood instantly to offer their assistance, however Richard was by her side faster and claimed the honor of helping her to her seat.

He pulled her chair out and held her crutches for her as she attempted to sit. She tried not to be affected by his proximity or breathe in his light cologne. She felt herself become unsteady as she tried to turn on one foot to sit. In an instant, a strong arm hooked under hers and supported her.

“Steady on.” He smiled softly.

“Are you all right, Char?” Lizzy asked with concern.

“Yes, I'm fine. I just seemed to have lost my footing.”

Richard held her arm as she carefully lowered herself to her seat. Just as quickly, he took a step back and stood behind her. Charlotte looked over her shoulder and offered him a quiet thank you. He merely nodded, his expression neutral.

“Everything is on the buffet. Let me get you a plate.”

Lizzy was about to try and stand, but Richard halted her. “Sit down and relax, Lizzy. I can get Charlotte a plate since I'm already up. What would you like?”

“I guess only an egg and a piece of toast or two.”

“That's all? Nonsense, you're having a full English breakfast.”

He came back with a plate loaded with beans, roasted potatoes, two eggs, sausage, a thick slice of Canadian bacon, grilled tomatoes, fried mushrooms, some strange slice of black stuff, and a cup of brown sauce on the side. Then he returned to his seat next to Helena.

“You do realize I'm only one person and my breakfast diet usually consists of plain yogurt and granola.” Charlotte eyed the plate suspiciously and poked at the black stuff with her fork.

“Yes, but you're in England now,” Lizzy laughed. “Not hippie-ville. Don't worry, the blood pudding doesn't bite.”

“I don't know what that is, but that is not pudding, and I think I've lost my appetite.” The entire table began to laugh now.

“Lizzy tell me you don't eat that stuff?”

Lizzy shrugged.

“That's it! You're officially an expat.”

Darcy placed his arm around Lizzy's shoulder and rubbed her arm. They smiled ridiculous cheesy grins at each other.

“Oh aren't you two just so pervy.” Helena's voice practically squeaked from across the table.

Lizzy looked at Helena and smiled faintly at her enthusiasm, then her eyes widened as she remember that she had forgotten her duties as hostess. “Where are my manners this morning? Helena, this is my childhood friend visiting from the States, Charlotte Lucas. Charlotte this is Helena Sotherton, Richards…”

“Girlfriend.” Helena made sure to interrupt.

“Yes, Richard's girlfriend.” Lizzy tried not to look exasperated by her interruption.

Charlotte felt a sudden shock, but she collected herself and replied with a neutral voice, “I'm pleased to meet you. I'd get up and shake your hand, but well, it's a bit tricky for me right now.”

“Oh, no. You don't have to move for my sake.” Helena however made no attempt to shake Charlotte's hand. She looked down at her nails then placed the perfectly manicured hand protectively over Richards. Richard simply looked down at his plate.

Darcy seemed to adopt his strategy as well and ignored the catty glances the women were sending around the table. Henry soon needed his help buttering his toast and could claim his father's complete attention.

Charlotte continued to watch Helena make possessive advances towards Richard. She knew Richard was raised to have impeccable manners in public, however strange his private ones were. Richard would never allow Helena to get him to make a public display affection, especially with a child at the table. She was almost disgusted at watching Helena's proprietary demeanor. It was so obvious she did not understand Richard as a person at all.

She berated herself for being too critical toward Richard. He was not a fool. She had learned, perhaps a little too late, that he was a good, kind man. But it was a single glance and smile that Richard finally gave Helena that made Charlotte's stomach drop. What if there was true affection between them? She had no right to feel loss or remorse towards him when she was the one who rejected him so thoroughly.

She watched as he told silly jokes to Henry that made him laugh with delight at his Uncle Richard. Richard ruffled his dark curls and gently smoothed his nephew's hair back into place, but he left his hand on top of his head protectively.

She suddenly lost her appetite completely and began idly pushing her food around her plate. Charlotte heard Helena laugh at something Richard whispered to her, and she couldn't take it anymore.

“I'm sorry I'm such horrible company this morning, but my ankle is hurting again. I think I need to lie down again.”

“Char, are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?”

“No, Lizzy. I'm fine. Remember I sprained this one so many times when we were younger. It will heal as long as I keep it wrapped up and elevated.”

Charlotte stood and put her crutches under her arms.

“Richard, why don't you help her?” Lizzy asked as she gave a concerned glance towards her friend.

“No!” Charlotte protested quickly then lowered her voice. “No, thank you, but it's really not necessary. All I need is more aspirin and rest.”

“If you're sure?” He asked her with a soft expression in his eyes.

“Yes, thank you. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your meal.”

With a final farewell from her friends, she hobbled out of the room. She tried to tell herself not to cry as she made her way down the hall. By the time she got back to her room, tears were falling silently from her eyes. He had moved on. There was no hope for her now, and she shouldn't have even allowed herself to hope. Everything was her fault anyway.

=====


“Why didn't you warn me she was here?” Richard hissed at Darcy when he got a moment with him alone after breakfast.

“Warn you?” Darcy looked at his cousin with a bewildered expression. “How in the world was I supposed to warn you when you showed up unexpectedly with a guest in tow.”

“You've always told me I was welcome here whenever I wanted to drop in…but you know that's not what I meant. Why didn't you tell me Charlotte was here and has been for weeks apparently?”

“What was I supposed to tell you Richard? Just casually drop it in a conversation that `Oh, by the way, the woman who broke your heart three years ago is here so steer clear.'”

“Yes, precisely.”

Darcy raised his brow at his cousin, “Look, I never thought you'd just drop in without a call first. How was I supposed to inform you? The mere mention of her name still gets you completely bent out of shape, just as you are now.”

Richard turned his head away and scowled. Darcy reached out and placed a comforting hand on his cousin's shoulder.

“I was trying to protect you, Richard. That's why I didn't tell you she was in town. You never got over her, did you?”

Richard took a few moments to think before responding. “It's not that…I'm here with Helena, and well, it's just a bad situation all around.”

Although his words avoided the subject of his feelings for Charlotte, Darcy would tell from his far-off expression that he was thinking about her.

“Richard, I don't know what to tell you to do, or how in the world you should be expected to act in this situation. I do know, though, that you and Charlotte are both adults and will handle things accordingly. You were all cordial and pleasant at breakfast.”

“Oh bull! Did you see her face? I've never seen her look so distressed.”

“I'm not familiar with the nuances of Charlotte's expressions, Richard.” Darcy couldn't help thinking on the inside that this was a hopeless situation, and Richard still had it bad for Charlotte. He had no idea how his cousin was going to get through the weekend and still come out a gentleman in the eyes of either lady.

“Richard, do you really like Helena?”

“I…yes, of course. She's a nice girl.”

“She certainly is a girl.”

Richard looked at Darcy sharply. “Yes, I know she's a lot younger than me.”

“Don't you think you should be seeing someone who might be ready to settle down and start a family before you get too tired to chase around little ones?”

“Yea, and how am I supposed to find her? I'm not lucky like you are Darcy, you don't have to rub it in.”

“That wasn't my intention.”

Richard ran his fingers through his hair and began to pace back and forth now. “What the hell am I going to do?”

“I hate to say this, but I haven't a damn clue.”

“Great, just bloody great!”

“Papa? What's bloody mean?”

“Henry, when did you get here?” Darcy and Richard both turned around instantly and looked down at the cheeky three-year-old, gazing up at them.

“It doesn't mean anything, Son.”

“Uncle Richard,” Henry tugged his hand, “will you come swim, too?”

“He's been dying to go swimming ever since Charlotte promised to play pirates with him.”

“Aunt Charwette is hurt. Who will play pirates with me now?”

Richard crooked his finger into a hook and did his best impression for Henry. “Arrr, ye little scallywag, I be just the pirate you're looking f'ar.”

Henry laughed with delight. “You're funny, Uncle Richard. Papa, Mummy has her bathing suite on. She said that you need to get in yours, too.”

“All right Henry, let the grown ups finish their conversation, and go tell Mummy that I'll be right along.”

With that, Henry took off down the hall, looking for his Mom.

“Just so you know, if you ever have children Richard, don't count on having many adult conversations as soon as they learn to talk.” Darcy laughed and shook his head.

“Yea, but he's a great kid, Darce, you have to admit. I hope one day I have one just like him—mischievous streak and all.” The two cousins seemed to forget their earlier discourse as they strolled down the hall to their respective bedchambers to change for the indoor pool.

“Life is always an adventure with him. Has been since the day he came into this world. It would be nice to have a girl this time, though.”

“Why is that?”

“I always feel as though I have to be the disciplinarian with Henry. If we have a girl and she has Lizzy's eyes, I'm done for. She'll walk all over me, so Lizzy will have to be the one to discipline her.”

“Nah, you're not hard on Henry. He looks up to you completely, and you have a way of making sure he knows what's right and wrong without being too firm or too yielding. You're a good father, Darce.”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well you're a good uncle, Richard. His favorite, after all.”

“Papa! Hurry up!”

“Henry, you're shouting again.”

“Papa, hurry up.” He whispered this time.

They stopped outside of Darcy's door now. “Listen Richard, I think you know deep down how you need to act. Just follow your gut.”

After Darcy shut the door behind him, Richard couldn't help thinking that his gut instincts hadn't always been right in the past when it came to relationships. The only thing he could do in this situation was hope for the best.

=====


While the men were in Darcy's study down the hall, Lizzy went to find Charlotte to check on her after her unusually hasty retreat from breakfast.

She knocked softly on her bedroom door. There was no response, so she peeked her head in and called out for Charlotte. There was a shuffle of bed sheets and a sniffle before she responded for Lizzy to come in.

Charlotte quickly sat up and wiped her eyes. Lizzy instantly went to her side and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Charlotte? What is the matter?”

Charlotte gulped quickly and tried to stifle her tears. “Nothing, it's nothing. I'm just tired, and there's a dull pain in my ankle.”

“Here, let me get you more aspirin.” She went to Charlotte's en-suite bathroom and grabbed her a glass of water and some aspirin.

Charlotte thankfully accepted the medicine. “Would you look at me Lizzy? I'm a complete wreck!”

“No, you're not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“But, well…”

“Yes…”

“Well, I'm not sure what's happened to you since I last saw you, but I wish you would tell me. I can't help get the feeling that your father's passing is not the only thing on your mind these days.”

Charlotte looked down at her hands that she twisted together in her lap.

“Why exactly did you leave your job?” Lizzy decided to start her inquest there.

“I'm taking a sabbatical, only for this semester. The college granted it to me in the winter for research purposes, and they found part-time professors to take my classes, but then my father passed away. Sometimes I wonder if I want to continue teaching there. I don't know if I'm happy being so far away from my family anymore.”

“So that's the only reason you left?”

“Yes, and being here in England is allowing me to get a lot of work done.”

“I think you needed a break, not just a chance to come here for research.”

“Well, I'm killing two birds with one stone then.”

“So that's it then? There's nothing else you want to share.”

Charlotte hid the quiver she felt in her bottom lip very well, or at least she thought she had, and Lizzy wasn't willing to push her much more.

“There's not much else to say about my life in Portland,” she continued neutrally. “I mean, my professional life has been great, but my personal life has been one screw up after another since I moved away. I was so sure of myself when I lived at home, but now…I'm just floundering. I'll be thirty soon, and well, sometimes I just wish I had someone to share my birthday with.”

“Don't despair, Char, there's someone for each of us out there.”

“Lizzy, who is Helena?”

“Richard's girlfriend…” Lizzy imitated Helena's high-pitched voice.

Charlotte tried not to laugh. “She seems…”

“Too young for him.”

“Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought so.”

“I've only just met her, and I hate to be rude…but I don't like her yet. She hasn't done or said anything to impress me with her manners or personality.”

“I don't know what he's thinking. She's completely not his type.”

“Really?”

“Richard needs someone who can understand his jokes and reciprocate them, and someone who he can carry an intelligent conversation with. He's very smart when it comes to history. Especially war history and strategies. He has a bizarre knack for remembering and analyzing that stuff.”

“You've talked to him about that stuff before?”

“One night he…” Charlotte paused as a memory came flooding back.

Oh, God! How could I have been so blind? She remembered one night, long before he ever confessed any sort of feelings for her. They were in bed together after some kinky sex. They weren't touching, just having some small talk. Somehow they got on the topic of ancient Rome. Charlotte was discussing an epic poem with him, which led to Richard explaining the history of the Second Punic War. Not your typical bedroom talk, but then again the conversation was between two people who were not traditional in any way when it came to relationships.

She remembered how she had unjustly accused him once of never trying to hold a decent conversation with her, and yet they had. Of course the conversation quickly turned to how he would next conquer her in bed, but still, if she had stopped to pay attention, she would have realized that he was unknowingly trying to get to know her little by little back then. It was just that the setting was in bed after sex instead of a dinner date.

“One night what, Char?”

“Hmm?”

“You were about to say something.”

“Oh, it's nothing.”

Lizzy tried not to laugh at her friend. “If you say so, Char. Look, Henry is going to drive his mommy crazy if we don't let him in the pool today, so why don't you put on a bathing suit so you can soak in the hot tub while we swim.”

“A hot tub sounds amazing.”

“Come on, let me help you up.”

====


The pool house was connected to the courtyard off the main entrance. Since it was still early spring, the weather was cold in Derbyshire, but the heated indoor pool was an oasis of warm sunlight away from the northern cold. Large floor to ceiling windows and skylights let natural sunlight in, and bright daylight lamps filled the rest of the room. Large hanging baskets of flowers and other ornamental topiaries gave the room an exotic feel. Chaise lounges and a pillow covered hide-away surrounded by sheers added to the comfort of this little haven. Henry also has his own sandbox and a small playground set in one corner.

Lizzy entered the pool house with a bag of towels and pool toys for Henry. She walked into the sight of her husband standing in the pool, encouraging Henry with little orange floaties on his arms to jump to him from the side. It made her heart warm with love for her family. Charlotte hobbled behind her.

“Mummy, Mummy! Watch me!”

“I see, Henry. Show Mummy your jump.”

“I can do a cannonball!” Without warning, he jumped in the pool, splashing water in his dad's unsuspecting face. Darcy was too busy looking at Lizzy in the little black bikini he loved on her, especially when she was pregnant.

Lizzy couldn't help laughing at Darcy's expression. Darcy quickly grabbed his son and spun him through the water

“Come here, you little sea monster!” he said as he tickled Henry's side.

“Throw me, Papa, throw me!”

“One, two, three… lift off!” he said as he tossed Henry, who was bursting with laughter, into the deeper water. His father was quick to grab him back to the surface, and the two worked on their swimming lessons again.

Henry turned out not to be a very attentive pupil, though. As soon as Richard entered the room, he begged for him to play. Helena followed shortly after wearing a string bikini that bordered on indecency, but her body was nearly flawless. Charlotte had to admit if she had such a figure, she'd show it off—however not at a family function. She was wearing a one-piece suit that she barely filled out and it made her feel plain and self-conscious of her figure. Helena was chesty, had a perfect round ass, and a small trim waist with abs to die for. How in the world was Charlotte to compete with someone nearly seven years younger?

Helena paraded over to sit near the ladies. Lizzy had stationed her lounge chair near Charlotte to keep her company while she soaked her foot in the hot tub. The baby was kicking mercilessly that afternoon. She and Charlotte watched her stomach move with the baby's acrobatics.

“Does that hurt?” Helena asked innocently.

“No, it's kind of like I have butterflies in my stomach. Sometimes a little more firm than that, though. It will get worse as the baby's due date gets closer.”

“I don't know how you can handle pregnancy. I don't think I ever want to have kids,” Helena replied with a disgusted look on her face.

“Well, I'm not going to lie and say pregnancy and labor is all peaches and cream, but the end result is worth it. You might change your mind one day.”

“No, I don't think so. I don't want to ruin my figure. You get so fat during pregnancy.”

Lizzy wanted to answer her that proper diet and exercise during pregnancy and a gradual work-out regimen afterwards helped her get back into shape fast, but she didn't have a chance. Helena seemed to be able to carry on the conversation all by herself.

“My older sister is a cow after having twins. I don't ever want to look like her. Besides all babies do is poop and cry. Yuck, I can't handle that.”

“That's not all a baby does,” Lizzy replied in a clipped tone.

“And then they grow up, and they can be so demanding.”

“Uh-huh.”

Lizzy glanced over at Charlotte, hoping her friend could rescue their conversation, but Charlotte wasn't paying attention to her. Lizzy followed her line of sight and saw that Charlotte was gazing at Richard as he played with Henry in the pool.

She watched the strong muscles on his arm flex as he lifted Henry from the pool and tossed him on his shoulder.

“I've captured you! Time for ye to walk the plank!”

“No, no, help! Uncle Richard's got me!” Henry managed to slink from his arms, and Richard let him get a head start, trying to doggy paddle away before they began the chase again.

Charlotte watched their game with a wistful smile and a heavy heart. She couldn't help but admire Richards trim figure, the strong muscles on his back and chest. He was complete sex appeal, and his swim trunks showed off his legs and lower torso quite nicely. Adding to the appeal was how well he got along with Henry. The two of them were simply adorable together.

Since Richard was watching Henry, it gave Darcy the opportunity to spend some quiet time with Lizzy, and they moved over to the double lounge. Lizzy lay on her side as Darcy massaged her lower back and occasionally ran his index finger lazily between her thigh and shoulder. Lizzy's eyes started to droop as Darcy stayed by her side, cuddling with her while she napped. Eventually, Henry tired himself out and fell asleep hap-hazardously on a towel with his floating toys. Richard carried him over to a lounge and wrapped him in a dry towel.

Richard looked around the pool house and noticed that Helena was on her cell phone. He looked over at Charlotte who had returned to the hot tub and was sitting there alone. He looked back over to Helena, and shook his head in dismay. Of course, he had to do the right thing and go sit by his girlfriend. However, he was saved having to make that decision because Helena got up and walked out of the room as she chattered away on her phone.

He slowly walked over to Charlotte, who was facing away from him. He took in the delicate line of her soft skin where her neck met her shoulders. He wished he had the right to reach out and touch her. Instead, he just stared at her unobserved for a few moments before he coughed to get her attention.

“Ahem?”

Charlotte turned her head over her shoulder, and her velvety dark eyes looked up at him beneath thick lashes. She looked absolutely beautiful at that moment, her skin flushed pink from the warm water, despite the bruise and small cut on her forehead near her hairline.

“Would you like some company?”

“Sure.” She smiled weakly.

Richard moved into the tub and sat opposite her, making sure they did not touch. Charlotte could barely control her breathing as she watched his cut abs slowly disappear beneath the water. Finally only his broad shoulders and upper chest was visible.
His blond hair was tussled slightly from Henry making such a mess of it when he was on his shoulders in the water.

“Henry seems to have worn himself out.” Charlotte commented with an affectionate smile as she looked at the small boy sleeping with his limbs tossed in every direction.

“He wished you could have played with us, as well.”

“Oh, I know. He was so disappointed this morning when I told him I couldn't.”

“It's funny the way he says you're name, isn't it, `Aunt Charwette?'”

The sound of Charlotte's laughter, soft and melodious, enveloped around his heart. His mind was in absolute turmoil. All he could think about was how that sound felt against his ear. He snapped out of it and was thankful that she could not see clearly beneath the bubble jets.

“So,” he turned his head to the side inquisitively, “how is the invalid?”

“Doing better. The water feels great.” Charlotte raised her ankle out of the water and inspected it. “I'm still swollen, but I can move it a little more.”

“Don't strain yourself too much. Sprains need more time to heal slowly than breaks sometimes.”

“Oh, but I've hurt this one before a few times, actually.”

“How so?”

“You'd laugh at me if I told you the truth.”

“Tell me a tall tale, then,” he smirked.

“Well, the first is the adventure of a small girl and her evil elder brother, who insisted that it was a good idea to jump down from the top of the hay loft in our barn into a pile of hay. Unfortunately, the girl didn't land in the middle of the pile, and that was sprain number one.”

“Ouch.”

“Yes, ouch. Number two was youth soccer league. I was slide tackle, and for number three, I was thrown from a horse. I'm lucky that's all I injured.”

“So this makes number four?”

“Yes, I was a lot more adventurous in my youth. I thought I was beyond those days, but I guess not.” Charlotte grimaced slightly because she tried to rotate her ankle too much. Richard reacted instantly and moved to sit a little closer as he took her foot in his hand.

He marveled at how tiny her foot was. Every bit of her was so petite, yet she carried herself with such confidence, it was as if she were unbreakable. He gently massaged her calf down to her ankle and the balls of her foot, then placed her heel against his palm and slowly moved the joint back and forth.

“Better?” he asked softly. His voice was deep and husky, just as she remembered during moments when they were intimate.

“Yes.” She practically squeaked, then she coughed to try and regain control of her voice.

Richard lowered her foot and moved a little closer to her. Charlotte was lost in his deep-set, bedroom, blue eyes. She noticed upon closer inspection he had aged a tiny bit over the years. He had a few more fine wrinkles around his eyes, but they only made him appear more distinguished. His firm jaw twitched with tension. All she wanted to do was reach out and stroke the bit of stubble on his chin, but she sat on her hands to still herself.

“This looks painful.” He reached out and gently placed a hand upon her brow. “Is it so bad? I still feel horrible about yesterday.”

“No, please don't feel bad. I'll be fine.” She swallowed. “The aspirin has helped a lot, and it will heal. All wounds eventually heel.”

Richard looked at her sharply at her words. “Some take a long time, though, if not treated properly, and some never heal.”

Charlotte looked down at the water, then brought her hands up to the surface. “I…I'm turning all prune-ish. I think I should get out.”

Richard sat back instantly then got out of the water. “Let me help you.”

She held her hands out to him, and he helped her stand. Charlotte looked down ,and before she could think how to navigate the two steps from the tub, she felt his strong hands grasp the side of her waist and lift her with ease. She regained her balance, as he eased his grip from her, but she felt her skin burn where his hands had been.

“My…my crutches are just out of reach.”

“Here, lean your weight on my arm.” They walked to a chair, and she sat. He carefully placed a towel around her shoulders and hesitated before he retreated to bring her crutches.

Helena came back into the room as he was placing them near her chair.

“Richard?” she called for him from across the pool.

“I…excuse me, Charlotte.”

Charlotte nodded her thanks and watched the firm muscles of his back as he walked away from her again. Helena stood on tip-toe and kissed him plainly on the lips for all to see as she greeted him with a smile.

“Richie, let's go for a swim.”

Charlotte eyed her crutches. She put them under her arms and stood to leave. She managed to get out of the room undetected since Richard was now occupied.

He's lost to me, and I don't deserve his love now, anyway.

Chapter 6

The weather had turned from a sunny afternoon into a dreary rainy evening. After dinner, the family relaxed by the fireplace in the informal sitting room. Lizzy and Darcy sat on the floor with large pillows. Henry sat cross-legged between them, and the three played with his building blocks. Richard and Helena were playing cards, and Charlotte decided to curl up with one of her books.

It was difficult for her to remain focused, though. Occasionally, she stopped to gaze at the happy picture the young Darcy family made playing and laughing together. But her biggest distraction was Richard, who at that moment, was losing in gin rummy against Helena.

She wondered at them as a couple. He was much older than Helena, but he had told her once of his type in women, and Helena seemed to fit the description to a tee. Richard also tried convincing her once that he was a changed man when it came to his womanizing, and yet here he was with a woman much younger than he, boobs much bigger than hers, and legs much longer. Clearly, some things hadn't changed, she thought.

It was strange watching them interact, though. Charlotte got the impression that he treated her more like a friend that he needed to protect than a lover. Perhaps they were just being reserved around his family. She would never be able to tell for sure, but they didn't act like they were in love like Lizzy and Darcy were.

When the clock struck eight, it was time for Henry to be ushered off to bed. Of course, he protested as he rubbed his sleepy eyes and let out several big yawns. Darcy finally took his little hand in his, and after the promise of a bedtime story, they walked down the hall to get ready for bed. Darcy returned a half-hour later, and the group opened a bottle of wine and settled in for a night of conversation.

“Charlotte, would you like a glass? I have a wonderful sweet Riesling from Germany and a full bodied, aged Pinot Noir from the Burgundy region of France.”

Charlotte had become so engrossed in her book it took her a second to realize Darcy was trying to get her attention.

“Oh…the Nior sounds nice. Thank you.”

As the wine flowed, so did the conversation between four of the occupants of the room. Helena and Lizzy even conversed occasionally. They finally found a topic Helena could enjoy and that was the wine. As a server she had opportunities to taste a lot of different wine so she was moderately knowledgeable on the topic. She also listened with rapt attention as Lizzy talked about art. Helena had always wanted to draw, but admitted she could hardly draw a stick figure, and she didn't know much beyond Monet. However, she was willing to listen, and exclaimed that everything Lizzy was discussing was very interesting.

Charlotte, however, didn't engage in conversation. Her book had her attention, and she didn't notice that Richard went to stoke the fire and had walked behind her chair.

“What are you reading so secretly, Charlotte?” Richard leaned over her shoulder and looked down at her book.

“It's no secret, and it's poetry.”

“Greek Epics?” He asked with a sharp look in his eye.

Charlotte tried not to blush. Did he remember that conversation as well? “No, Bryant.”

Richard looked a bit confused.

“He's an American Romantic Poet,” she told him.

“I didn't know American's could write poetry.”

“Hmm, well we tried,” she replied sarcastically. Their conversation seemed to quickly draw the attention of Helena, and Lizzy and Darcy soon followed.

“Will you read it to us?” Richard asked.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Darcy agreed quickly. “We never read poetry anymore. It's become a lost art to the modern world.”

“Yes, please read it for us Charlotte, I'm sure you do it perfectly. You probably have the meter and tone down perfectly.”

“Well, okay, but not Bryant. He's so long-winded sometimes. I have to find something shorter.” Charlotte rapidly flicked through the pages of her book. “Oh, this one will do. How about Keats?”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Charlotte glanced over the poem a bit longer. She stood, leaned against her crutches, cleared her throat, and began to read. Her voice was crisp, and heartfelt as she recited the poem from memory.

WHEN I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high piled books, in charact'ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!

Here she paused and looked down at the pattern on the carpet. Her voice was laden with sorrow as she continued more softly.

That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love! - then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

She didn't even notice the applause from the room at first. She sat again and thanked them for their praise. All the occupants but one seemed to think she did a perfect dramatic reading of the poem. Only Richard was left to ponder her reaction towards the end of the poem. She was soon begged to read another and then another. Finally, Lizzy took a turn and read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's sonnet, “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways…”* to Darcy who recited her a sonnet of the Bards from memory.

Richard changed the tone by reading Wilfred Owen's, Dulce Et Decorum Est,^ which launched the group into a political discussion over foreign policy and war. Once again, however, only Charlotte was left pondering his choice of poem. It was far from romantic, but she knew the history of the Latin phrase, and Richard's beliefs about war. His father had always intended him to be an officer in the army, but the ideals and idleness of his youth prevented him from enlisting. He hadn't become serious about anything in his life until recent years.

By the time everyone decided to turn in for the night, they were all light hearted from the wine—except Lizzy, naturally—and a night of interesting conversation.

=====


Richard was restless again when Helena came into his bedroom. She wore a more sensible night outfit this time, but the look in her eyes was more determined than ever. She walked up to him and straddled him playfully as he lay on the bed. Richard smiled pleasantly at her, but she had other ideas than mere pleasantries. She leaned down and kissed him fiercely. Richard placed his hands on her shoulders and held her back as he sat up.

“Well, hello to you, too, Helena.”

“Mmm, Richie… don't talk, just kiss me.” She pushed him back down on his bed with force, and a rush of air came out of his lungs. She lay fully atop him and ran her fingers through his hair as she continued to kiss his lips and neck. She was determined to have her way, and he was intoxicated enough from drinking wine and brandy all evening not to resist.

Still, Richard was lethargic and hesitant to respond. His hands lay by his side. Helena had other ideas as she entwined her fingers with his and slowly moved them till they rested on her bottom.

Richard shut his eyes and tried to let him self forget everything. He had been celibate for so long, and the little make out sessions he had occasionally with Helena did little to satisfy him. Perhaps it was possible to blame the alcohol and the fact that Helena was seductively grinding her hips into his, but he slowly became aroused. Helena felt triumphant when she felt it, too. His hands slowly ran up her back, and entwined in her hair.

Helena sat back against his arousal. She felt how large he was, and a lustful grin spread across her face. She reached for the edge of his top and pulled it slowly off of his body. Then she started to unbutton her pajama top. Richard watched her breasts slowly revealed to him. They were large and perfectly shaped. However, he did not have time for a good long look because she leaned down again and began to kiss him. The feel of their bare skin touching caused him to respond, and he pushed her off him and leaned her against the bed so that now he was in control. His hands slowly moved along the curves of her waist, but that was where they stopped.

“Richard?” Helena spoke his name seductively. “Won't you touch me?” Her eyes were lidded with passion. She was on the top of the world with the thought that tonight might actually be the night.

Richard leaned down to kiss her. He closed his eyes as he felt along her perfectly toned body. She was too curvaceous in parts and her legs were too long. He stroked the underside of her breasts, and Helena moaned from the attention. They were supple and more than filled the palm of his hand. Any man would say they were a perfect pair of breasts, but they were not what he wanted. His mind was suddenly overtaken with a remembrance of the feel of a different, yet familiar pair of small breasts—perky with tender nipples, beneath his hands. The thought only aroused him further.

Then he felt a small hand work its way into his flannel bottoms, wrap around his length and stroke him. He felt the sudden physical need for release and quickly worked on pulling down her panties and held her bottom, pushing her against his arousal. She was not soft enough to his touch. He leaned down to kiss her neck and breathed in her scent. It was strong and floral. Her fragrance was so different from the light aroma of fruit and vanilla that he had made him self so familiar with.

Richard opened his eyes and looked down at the woman beneath him, and she returned his gaze expectantly. She was so different from what he desired. He desired a woman who was petite, and she was bodacious and voluptuous. He desired a woman who had imperfections, yet Helena was toned and sculpted to perfection. Most importantly, he desired a woman who not only wanted him, but one he wanted desperately in return. He suddenly realized with shame that the entire time he was kissing and touching Helena he had been thinking of Charlotte—her body, her breasts, her kisses, and her scent.

He quickly released his hold on her body and retreated from Helena to the edge of the bed and pulled a blanket over his lap. He could not do this to her. She was too young and naïve to have her ideals of romance and relationships destroyed by him. He could never forgive himself if he did. He leaned his head down against the palms of his hands.

“Richard, what happened?”

“I don't have protection,” he lied.

“But I'm on the pill. We can still…”

“No,” he interrupted. “I can't to do that to you. Neither of us has really discussed our histories.”

“But…you've told me in the past that you're safe, and so am I.” Helena suddenly became agitated she crossed her arms and looked him square in the eyes. “So what is it, Richard, you can't have sex with me tonight, or you don't want to have sex with me?”

Richard looked away from her. He didn't know how to answer without hurting her, and that was the last thing he wanted to do to anyone.

Helena suddenly gasped. “You're gay aren't you? I knew it. I knew this was too good to be true.”

“Helena…” he tried to interrupt.

“I mean you dress perfect, you have impeccable manners and grooming, and you're almost thirty-eight and still single. It all makes so much sense now.”

“Helena.” He placed a hand over hers to silence her. “I am not gay. Trust me. I just like to take care of myself and dress well. I was raised with the means to be able to do so, and now I hold a job that allows me to maintain that. I have been lucky in that respect.”

“But I don't understand. Why don't you want to have sex with me?”

“He sighed heavily. “I don't know how to say this with out hurting your feelings.”

“Oh, my God! Are you going to break up with me?” she squeaked.

“I…don't know. I think so, yes. Hear me out, please.”

“I can't believe this is happening. I thought you cared for me.”

“I do. You're a very sweet young woman.”

“But why? What did I do wrong?”

“You did nothing wrong. It's just that I don't know how you and I can work out long term.”

“Am I not smart enough for you?” Her bottom lip began to quiver. “That's it isn't it?”

“What? Why would you think that?”

“Tonight, when we were all talking, you rarely asked my opinion on anything, and I was having a hard time keeping up with you all. In fact, no one ever included me in the conversation.”

“Helena I'm sure it wasn't intentional.”

“I'm sorry I'm not so smart,” she spit at him bitterly. “I don't even know who Keats is. I know I've never been book smart. I never did well in school, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings like everyone else. I use what I have to get by,” she indicated her naked body. “And not even that is good enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not smart like her.”

“Her?” he asked confused.

“Charlotte. I'll never be smart like her.” A tear slid down her cheek.

“Helena, I don't know what she has to do with any of this. And I really don't know where this insecurity is suddenly coming from.”

“I see the way you look at her. I'm not blind you know.”

“Helena, please let's focus on you and me right now.” He took her shoulders gently. “You are not stupid, and I don't know what makes you think you need to use your body to get by.”

She turned her head away from him. His hand reached out and touched her cheek till she turned and faced him again.

“I am stupid, and I'm pretty sure your family doesn't like me either. Lizzy barely talks to me, and I wanted them to like me.”

“Well it doesn't help when you call a pregnant woman fat. I overheard her complaining to Darcy about that in the kitchen.”

“I didn't mean it that way. She has a lovely figure, and she looks pretty just as she is. I just know if I ever had children, I'd ruin my figure. I can't do that.”

“Helena, listen to me. There are all types of intelligence in this world. There is no one person who is excellent at everything. You are selling yourself far too short if you think that your body is the only way you can get by in this world.”

“But, what am I good at? I'm not good at anything.”

“I think that's something you need to discover for yourself. But I'll tell you why I asked you out.”

“Why?”

“Because I felt you were…are a kind, welcoming person even if others don't see that right away. You're always happy. That's why I can't do this to you. I can't hurt you. I would hate myself if I did. I like you, but I don't love you.”

“But I like you, too, and this does hurt.” She began to cry now.

“I'm so sorry, Helena, but I can't allow myself to sleep with you simply because I have urges. My head and my heart say it's all wrong.”

“I don't understand you.” She sniffled.

“What do you mean?”

“Men are never like that, they only think with their penises.”

“Not all men do. There are a few of us who are a bit more rational.” He offered her a lop-sided smile. “Look Helena, as a man, trust me, you're very attractive. Your body is perfect, perhaps a little too perfect. In fact, I think I'm a little terrified of you.”

“Terrified of me? Don't be ridiculous.”

“Have you ever seen me work out?”

“Hmm, well sometimes.”

“But you, you do spinning, and yoga, and kick boxing in your free time. And me, I sit around on the couch on weekends scratch myself and drink beer while watching football and Fawlty Towers re-runs.”

“Yeah, you are a bit of a slouch.”

“I think what I'm trying to say is perhaps I want someone who is imperfect, someone who will snap at me when I get on their nerves, and argue with me when I'm being a pompous arse.”

“But why would you want that?”

“Because that's life I guess. There are lots of ups and down, and I want to experience them all with someone. I think sometimes we're too alike. We both have the tendency to be happy-go-lucky people. I think I want someone whose going to ground me more often.”

“I don't know what I want yet.”

“But you're not even twenty-five yet. You have a long time to figure it out. This is another problem, you don't want the same things I want in a relationship right now either.”

“But I thought we did…I thought we just wanted to be together.”

“Well you pretty much told me earlier you don't ever want a child, and I know most men would probably be happy about that, but I would like a child. At least one and I'd like to have one before I lose the energy to be a good father.”

“I don't think I could give that to you Richard, children are…just too much responsibility.” She moved away from him and pulled her shirt back on. She hadn't expected this turn in conversation.

“And I think I'm ready for that. I want to settle down and start a family, and you're not ready for that.”

“I agree with that completely.” Helena looked down at her crossed arms. Her face was tight with anger.

“Helena, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I lead you to believe that there could be more between us. I didn't mean to have to end things this way. I thought perhaps you and I might have had a chance. I wanted things to work out for us, but it's clear that it just won't work out. I can't keep dragging this out and leading you on. It's not fair to either of us.”

“Perhaps you're right.”

“I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to, honestly.”

“So this is it?”

“I think it has to be.”

“Okay.” She accepted neutrally. Somehow, even though it felt painful now, she knew this was the right thing to do. She and Richard were too alike sometimes, but they were also at different places in their lives. It would never work. “What will we do tomorrow?”

“Well, we were going to leave in the morning as planned so we can get back in London, by the afternoon.”

“Actually, I think I'll take the train back. You can drop me in Derby.”

“If that's what you want?”

“Yes, I need some time alone to think.”

They turned from each other and she put her clothes back on in silence.

“Good night, Richard.” Helena said as she left the room.

“Good night, Helena.”

Richard went to bed that night with a strange feeling. He felt a little guilt for hurting Helena. He didn't tell her the full truth about his feelings Charlotte, but in reality, Charlotte wasn't the only reason they wouldn't work. She was part of it, though.

Now he was alone again. He was free to try and pursue Charlotte, but a sudden terror gripped him. Was he being stupid for even considering trying to pursue her? She would likely just run away from him once again. It was obvious she didn't trust him and didn't trust herself with him, either. He needed to change that if he was ever going to win her, but how?

=====


The next morning Richard saw Helena in the hall. She looked tired, but she offered him a weak smile. She whispered to him as they walked to breakfast together that she wanted him not to tell his family anything that had happened last night till she was gone, and he respected her wishes.

Only Lizzy, Darcy, and Henry were present at breakfast. Afterwards, they gathered their bags and packed the car. Lizzy finally thought of Helena warmly. They didn't have a lot in common, but she eventually realized she wasn't a bad person. A few more years of experience in her life would probably benefit her greatly, though.

Richard was still in his room, looking out at the grounds surrounding the great house. He saw in the distance a figure hobbling along the side of the lake. He quickly grabbed his coat, and slipped out the side door. The weather was crisp; spring air was finally starting to win over the harsh winter of the northern counties.

He watched her along the shore of the lake from a distance. Occasionally she pulled the crutches from under her arms and tried to put her weight on her tender ankle. Richard watched her slow progress, and smirked when he heard her swearing out loud every so often.

He coughed to make his presence known and Charlotte turned around and glared at him sharply.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long, really. I didn't know you swore like a sailor.” He put his hands in his pant pockets and grinned at her.

“Funny.” She looked at him expectantly and raised and eyebrow when he still didn't speak.

“Oh, umm. I came to say goodbye.”

“You and Helena are leaving then?”

“Yes…we, I mean that is to say that I…”

“I hope you have a safe trip back to London. I don't suppose I'll be seeing you again for some time.”

“I'm not sure if my plans for the next few weeks will bring me back north, but perhaps you would like to come to London and visit? I'd love to show you around.” He immediately kicked himself. Of course she would say no, he should have worded that better.

Charlotte was becoming irritated now. She remembered the last time he offered to show her around town. How could he dare presume to ask her such a thing when he had a girlfriend?

“I mean, it would be great to have Lizzy and Darcy visit with Henry. It's been a while since the whole family came down. There's a new children's museum that Henry would have a blast at, and I think you'd have a good time, too.” He was quick to recover. That was a close call.

“I'll have to ask Lizzy. I promised to help her organize a charity baby shower. Since she and Darce don't need a thing for the baby, she wants the community involved to purchase baby items for needy families at a local halfway house.”

“Well, that does sound like a wonderful cause. I'd like to help if I can.”

“I'll be sure to tell her you're interested.” Charlotte didn't let her features betray that she felt Richards offer to help very kind and sincere. Who is this man? I cannot make him out at all!

There was silence between them now that was filled by the sound of the wind and waterfowl on the lake. Charlotte looked down at her feet briefly then met Richard's eyes again. He was looking at her strangely. Almost as if he were trying to commit her features to memory again.

“Charlotte…” he reached out and took her hand. “Umm, well.”

“I suppose that's how we will say goodbye. A friendly handshake.”

Richard grimaced at hearing the word friendly. She damn well knew he always wanted to be more than friends. “I think a hug is more appropriate.”

He drew Charlotte into a tight embrace. They both lingered too long, Charlotte breathed in the woodsy smell from his coat, and he breathed in the fragrance of her hair…that familiar scent that drove him wild. She felt the warmth of his breath against her skin, and her stomach rolled with repressed desire when she also felt the pressure of his lips against her temple. She stood on her one good tiptoe and kissed his cheek in return, letting her lips linger against his skin.

He looked down at her in surprise. There was a loud squawking of geese that startled them, and the tenderness of the moment was broken. He released her and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

“Right. Well I guess I should be hitting the road.”

“Yes, goodbye, Richard.”

“Good bye, Charlotte.”

She watched him walk away sadly. She kept telling herself to run to him and confess her feelings and all the secrets she had been hiding all these years from him, but she stopped herself. She was not his, and he was not free to be hers. It would only hurt other people to act on that wish. She remembered something she had to tell him though.

“Richard,” she yelled across the length of the lawn to his retreating figure.

He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her.

“I…I owe you dinner still.” She said breathlessly. “For, for that little thing you did...rescuing me from the rain…remember?”

“Of course, how could I forget?” He smiled sheepishly.

“It's only a small token, but I can make anything you want.”

“You cook?”

“Yes, I love to cook.”

“Oh, well then, how can I say no?”

“So we'll do dinner?”

“Yes. Absolutely. I'll be in touch. You'll be here for a while right?”

“My plans to leave are not yet fixed.”

He nodded and smiled. They said goodbye again. Within a matter of a few minutes, Richard's outlook on his chances with Charlotte went from bleak to bright. He allowed himself to hope that this could be another chance for him…for them.

Chapter 7


Time eventually moved forward from that moment when Charlotte was left to watch Richard's retreating back across the great lawn at Pemberley. Life started to return to a normal pace at the great house now that the guests were gone. Charlotte, however, seemed to draw further back into the sorrow that was so noticeable when she first arrived to Pemberley.

Hearing Richard as a constant topic of conversation from Lizzy did not help matters. She learned so much about him in the days that followed his visit. Charlotte learned how changed he was. He lived very quietly, and modestly. He relinquished his father's penthouse in Manhattan, which was later sold for a ridiculous amount of money. When his father offered the money to Richard as part of his inheritance, he refused to take it. He lived off his own earnings. He left his father's company where he got his start and landed a successful position at a private security firm. His job sometimes required him to travel, so he only kept a modest flat that was convenient to the airport and to his job in London.

Every afternoon when he was in town, he brought in his elderly neighbor's mail and occasionally helped the sweet old widow with her grocery list when her family wasn't around. It was rewarding for him emotionally to know that he was able to help. He was also rarely seen about town—only taking in a drink or two after work with his co-workers and never appeared in the gossip rags like he used to. It seemed he was completely forgotten about by the press, which suited him perfectly. He wanted to forget that he ever lived such a wasteful life style.

As for his womanizing ways, those were long gone as well. Charlotte broke the mold, and he never could find another to his liking. They were always too tall, too thin, too large, too loud, too flirty, too silly, too dull—simply, they were not her. He knew his desire for her was not healthy, but there was nothing he could do to change his feelings as much as he tried.

When Charlotte heard that he rarely dated and only just started seeing Helena recently, she was shocked. Richard had told her, when they first started their affair all those years ago, that he moved on quickly and was never interested in settling. That was why they had agreed to sleep together in the first place, after all.

But this was a different Richard. This was a man who was modest, monogamous, and completely not the Richard she knew. She berated herself for being so hard on him. This was the Richard that he wanted her to know, and now she never would truly know him. She lost her chance, and it appeared that he had moved on now. Two weeks would pass before they set eyes on each other again.

=====

London—one week after Richard's departure.

Richard tapped his fingers idly against the white tablecloth. He glanced towards the entrance of the restaurant and occasionally, to his watch. His cousin was late for their dinner appointment, as usual. His business always ran over.

Finally, Darcy arrived. The Maître d' saw that his trench coat, suite case, and umbrella were taken care of and then showed him to their table.

“Hello, Richard. Typical bloody English weather we're having out there.”

“Evening Darcy. Late again.”

“Couldn't be helped, mate—meetings.”

“Right.”

“How's your job?”

“Good. I just found out today I'm leaving for Japan in a few weeks.”

“Not permanently, I hope?”

“No, at least I'm told it's only temporary.”

“What for?”

“It's hush-hush type stuff.”

“I see, you know I'd swear by the way you talk about your job sometimes, that you've become a government spook.”

Richard laughed into his coffee cup.

“So Darce, how is the family?”

“Good, good. Lizzy just had a scan done, and the baby seems fine. They have these fancy 3-D scans, and we think this one looks like me again.”

“Another boy?”

“Well we're waiting. We figure there are very few surprises left in life, and we want to be surprised about the sex of our children.”

“And how is Henry handling the new baby coming?” Richard asked as their first course arrived.

“Bloody awful.” Darcy wiped his hand over his face. “He's been used to being the only child for so long. We tried to move him to his own room, because the baby needs the room closest to us, and he threw an absolute fit. Started kicking and screaming, and saying the crib he hadn't used in years was his, and the baby table was his, the baby toys were his, and the room was his.”

“He'll get over it soon. I'm sure it's just a phase for him.”

“Well it got to a point where Charlotte had to come in and distract him so we could set the crib up without him trying to get in it. She took him outside to play. Thank god she was around. I've never seen him react that way before. I'm almost afraid if he's going to respond even worse when the baby actually comes.”

“Pray for a girl, and teach him that he has to protect his baby sister, otherwise, if it's a boy, they're going to fight like hell.”

“Like you and I did.” Darcy laughed.

“You're in for one hell of a headache if that's the case, Darce.”

“I'm sure it won't be so bad. This will be good for Henry. He needs to learn how to share.”

“Kind of like you never did?”

“Yes, pretty much.” Darcy admitted as he shrugged his shoulders.

“So,” Richard tried his best to appear casual, even though on the inside he was desperate for any bit of information about Charlotte he could gather, “Charlotte is still in the country then?”

“Yes, although I think she plans on leaving within the next week or two.”

“So soon?”

“Well, she's been here for almost two months doing her research.”

“Why doesn't she stay…for the birth, I mean?”

“I'm not sure. She's more than welcome to. Everyone will be here. Georgie's coming home from school, Jane and Charles and their bunch.”

“Well, either way, she can't leave. I'm still promised a dinner from her.”

“Is that such a good idea?”

“What?”

“You two having dinner together?”

“I don't see what the matter is?”

“One word: Helena.”

“Oh, we…well, we ended things after that weekend at Pemberley.”

“Why didn't you tell us?”

“Helena asked me not to till after we left. Then I was away last week on business.”

“So what happened?”

“I realized very quickly she wasn't what I wanted.”

“I'm going to be perfectly honest with you when I say how relieved I am.”

“I know, I know. We were not right for each other.”

“I'll say. Lizzy usually gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but she got the impression that she didn't care to get to know our family, and she even insulted her about her weight during pregnancy. And Henry didn't warm to her either, and he usually takes an immediate shining to everyone. He gets that from Lizzy, because you know I never trust anyone on the first meeting.”

“She was a temporary lapse in judgment. If anything she made me realize what I tried to forget. She made me realize what I want in a relationship, and perhaps in a wife one day. In light of this new information, I'm glad I ended things before we did anything I would regret.”

“You mean you never slept with her?”

“No, I didn't.”

“Thank god…Christ Richard! You must be ready to burst. When I was separated from Lizzy for about four months, I was ready to go insane. How the hell can you of all people be celibate for three years?”

“It hasn't been exactly three years, and I've been discreet. Plus, my special channel bill for TV is through the roof, if you catch my drift.”

“We need to get you laid.” Darcy joked light heartedly.

“Shut up, Darcy! When you were away from Lizzy, did you ever once think that having sex with someone else would help you forget her?”

“No, I couldn't think of anyone else.”

“So now you know how it is for me. I can't think of someone else. Helena tried to get me to sleep with her, and I only imagined Charlotte the entire time. I couldn't do it—it wasn't right.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“I honestly don't know. But you could…”

“What?”

“Can you get Lizzy to talk to her for me? See if her feelings have changed? I can't ask her again, not unless I know for sure she'll want to be with me this time. I can't take the rejection anymore.”

“I don't know, Richard. I don't think we should interfere.”

“Darcy, I'm desperate. She's here, and this is the perfect opportunity for me to let her see who I really am. I've fucked that up royally so many times before. I obviously need some help.”

“How did you screw things up before?”

“Put yourself in her place. I was a certified womanizer and all around prat. I'm not proud of that fact, but I've changed.”

Darcy pretended to cough teasingly, but then sobered when Richard gave him an evil glance.

“That was her first and only impression of me. Instead of letting her get to know the changed me like wanted to three years ago, I end up in bed with her again that night. I couldn't help it; I just wanted to be with her so badly. We were both too drunk to think clearly and things happened that I want to regret but I can't. I don't blame her from running from me. I am angry she never called again, but I had a lot of time to think, and I know I'm not entirely innocent. Then I show up at your house with someone like Helena.” Richard rubbed his temples. “She must think I never changed.”

“I'm not sure what she thinks. She's very tight lipped about you.”

“She's not one to really talk about her feelings—that was something we stayed away from completely. But surely Lizzy must know something…anything, please Darcy. I have to know.”

Darcy rested his head on his fist and looked at his cousin across the table from him. “It's not really my policy to interfere in the affairs of others. But…”

“Yes, but…”

“If you hadn't brought me that news paper clipping three years ago, and I never met Lizzy at that gallery, who knows how the events in my life would have turned out?”

“So you'll help me?”

“I can't promise it will work, and I don't want to see you hurt again.”

“If she doesn't want me, then that's it. I'll close this chapter of my life. I'll tell the company I'm going to accept the contract in Japan, and I'll move on with my life.”

“I'll talk to Lizzy and see what we can do. We have to act fast, though. She wants to return home soon.”

“Thank you, Darcy.”

“Why don't you plan a trip to the country again? Matlock perhaps…this weekend?”

“That sounds like a good idea. Mother has been begging me to come out there, and she'd be happy to see her two nephews as well…and Lizzy of course.”

“We'll make sure Charlotte's there. Perhaps you could show her that little nest egg you've been working on?”

“Hmm, good idea.”

Darcy glanced down at his watch. “I have a seven-thirty train to catch home. Hopefully, Henry has been behaving himself while I was gone.”

“Of course, I won't keep you any longer.”

“Goodbye, Richard.”

“Bye, Darce. See you in a few days.”


=====

Meanwhile at Pemberley…

“And breathe, one, two, three, four. And hold. Remember tighten your core, belly button sucked back to your tail bone. Hold it, hold it. And release, slowly let the tension move down, deeper and deeper. Release it out of your toes. And breathe.”

Charlotte and Lizzy sat on yoga mats on the floor in front of the TV in Lizzy's sitting room.

“I'm telling you, Charlotte, these exercises make me feel amazing. And the breathing exercises will help during the birth.”

“Didn't you say with Henry's birth that it was so painful you couldn't focus on anything?”

Lizzy laughed, “I know you're trying to make fun of me for getting into the latest pregnancy fad, but it won't work, Charlotte.”

Lizzy's cell phone rang, and Charlotte got up to retrieve it for Lizzy.

“It's Darcy,” Charlotte said as she handed the phone to her.

“Hello, honey?”

“How are my Bella, Henry, and Baby?”

“I'm doing my yoga, Henry is playing in the corner with his dinosaur, and the baby is giving me a break from kicking right now.”

“Glad to hear. I'm just calling to tell you that I've made the seven-thirty and will be home in a few hours. You don't have wait up for me, though.”

“You know I will anyway.”

“I know.” Darcy smiled into the phone. “Oh, I have some news.”

“Yes?”

“I ran into Richard. Helena is out of the picture. He wants our help.”

“With?”

“Your friend,” he spoke low into the phone now.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“So you're caving, and I am free to do what I please?”

“Yes.”

“I'll reward you tonight,” she said saucily.

“I'll be looking forward to it.”

“Bye, Fitzwilliam.”

“Bye, Bella.”

Lizzy hung up the phone with a playful grin on her face. Darcy had just given her free reign to match-make to her heart's content.

“So what was that all about?” Charlotte asked with an inquisitive brow raised.

“Only a bet Darcy and I had.”

“I never realized he was kinky. He always seemed like he had a poker up his ass.”

Lizzy burst out laughing. “Charlotte, you have no idea, and Darcy would kill me if you knew. But let me just tell you he is grateful for all the bedroom tricks I've learned, but I'll never reveal my source.” She elbowed Charlotte.

“Perhaps I should start an advice column for married couples. I'm very rusty, though. I haven't had any inspiration in a while.”

“Speaking of inspiration. What do you think of Richard? He hasn't slouched, huh?”

“Lizzy, you're married!”

“Of course, and Darcy is the only man on earth for me, but I'm not blind—to you or him. I saw you checking him out at the pool.”

Charlotte blushed bright red. Lizzy was surprised because she had never been able to make her friend blush before. It was usually the other way around.

“Should we talk about this in front of Henry?”

“Hmm, probably not, but watch this.” She called to Henry, “Henry, sweetie, Bob the Builder is on.”

“Really? Yes! Bob the Builder! Bob the Builder!” Henry ran over and plopped himself on the floor in front of the TV, and Lizzy turned it to the channel for his show. He started to sing along to the theme song.

“Henry,” Lizzy tried to get his attention three times before he turned around and shushed her for interrupting his show. Lizzy and Charlotte both started to laugh. They were now able to have a hushed conversation on the other side of the room.

“Now we can talk. So, what do you think of Richard?”

Charlotte looked down at her hands twisted in her lap for a few moments as Lizzy waited patiently for her response.

“He's…he's just as attractive as I remembered, if not more so.”

“I knew it! You're attracted to him.”

“Yes, fine I admit it. I am attracted to him, more than you'll ever know. He's so…he's my ideal of a perfect man. He's funny, outgoing, intelligent, extremely handsome.”

“Not to mention he's very principled and hardworking.” Lizzy pointed out since those were attributes Charlotte was not very aware of.

“And I've never allowed myself to look at him that way.” She lowered her head and took a moment to compose herself before she began to speak softly. “He's so different from the man I knew. I'm so ashamed and now I've realized too late…that.”

“What?” she asked sympathetically and rubbed Charlotte's shoulder.

“I think I've fallen in love with him.” Charlotte choked out the words. “I sometimes wonder how I can fall in love with someone who I feel I don't know enough about to love, but I have. My head keeps telling me that it's too soon, that I don't know enough about him, but my heart is just aching to be with him Lizzy. I don't know if it's right. I don't know what to do.”

“Charlotte, did you know that Darcy and I only knew each other for two weeks before the first time we…well honestly, it was not just sex it was making love from the beginning.”

“Only two weeks?”

“Yes, and I knew from the very first moment we kissed that there was something about him. I didn't know him completely, that took much longer to happen. I knew that what was felt between us was love, though. Sometimes you just need to take that risk Charlotte, and let your heart make the decisions for once. I know how difficult that is for you, you were never one for romance or sentimentality, but I think a little of that might do you some good.” Lizzy smiled. “And this is a good start, admitting your feelings.”

“It feels good to admit my feelings. I do love him so much. I don't know how it all started, and it's come on so gradually that suddenly I just felt such strong feelings for him. Much stronger than friendship. I care for him more than anything and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt him again. Even thinking of that makes me feel horrible inside, but it's too late. It's far too late.”

Lizzy moved closer to Charlotte on the sofa and wrapped her arms around her friend. “It's not too late. It's never too late. Trust me, we'll work things out. I promise you.”

“It's so complicated Lizzy. I've hurt him too much. I don't know if we can.”


=====

Later that night.

“You waited up anyway.”

Darcy walked over and greeted his wife with a kiss. Lizzy sat by the fire in their room, wrapped warmly in a terry clothe robe.

“Of course, I waited up for you. I have some wonderful news.” Lizzy stood and walked over to him and started to loosen his tie. Then she grabbed him by his belt and pushed him towards the chair she had been sitting in. In one swift movement she whipped his belt off, and lowered his pants to the floor. She reached up pushed the flat of her palm against his chest, and pushed him down in the chair.

She stepped back from him, and slowly started to undo the belt of her robe and let it fall to the floor. She was wearing one of her sexiest pieces of maternity lingerie. The vision made Darcy gulp, and she saw the muscles in his jaw tighten. She slowly and seductively let the garment fall off her shoulders and join the robe on the floor. Now she stood before him completely nude. She turned around and bent over for him and picked up his tie off the floor, and put it playfully around her neck.

She then lowered herself on her knees and crawled towards him. He watched her large breasts sway and her hips slink as she crept towards him. His boxers started to tent quite noticeably.

“Have you had a stressful day, my love?”

“Hmm, yes.”

“I see you need a bit of relief.” She placed a pillow below her knees. Then she grabbed his hips and pulled his boxers down past his knees till they pooled around his feet. She ran her hands up his legs, then passed his swelling erection and ran them up his chest. She worked her way back down as she unbuttoned his shirt, and pulled it open. She ran her fingers through his chest hair then leaned forward and kissed his neck.

“I missed you terribly last night,” she said as she leaned her breasts against his strong chest and kissed his lips this time. His hands moved to her shoulders, and she backed away. “Ah, ah, Fitzwilliam.” His name purred off of her tongue. “This is all for you.” She took his hands from her shoulders and placed them firmly on the armrests of the chair. “Now behave yourself.”

She kissed and licked down his chest again and paused at his erection. She gave him a teasing peck on his tip, causing his breathing to hitch.

“Lizzy, please.”

The next thing he saw was her mass of dark curls over his lap as he felt her take him fully in her mouth. He felt her tongue swirling around his shaft as she moved up and down his length. Her fingers gently cupped his testicles, and he was done for. He leaned his head against the back of the chair and groaned. His breathing became more labored, and he grew harder. She could tell he was trying to restrain his hips from thrusting into her mouth. She could sense his urgency for release, and she paused.

“Lizzy, I'm going to come.”

She started to lick him again, and he stopped her. She began to pout, but the fiery look in his eyes told her how he wanted her.

“No…stop.” He leaned forward and grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up from on her knees. “Not like that,” he said as he maneuvered her in his lap.

“I can't, Fitzwilliam—my stomach.”

“Damn it, okay.” He released her on her knees again, and she leaned down on all fours.

He moved behind her and grabbed her hips as he entered her hard from behind. He gripped her soft fleshy bottom and helped her move more forcefully against him. She cried in surprise when she felt a decided slap against her backside.

He leaned forward against her back, and whispered in her ear, “I love your ass.” He groped her breasts. “Mmm, and these.” Finally, he wrapped an arm around her stomach to help support her and ease the pressure of her back, and she wiggled her bottom against him.

“You're such a little tease,” he whispered again between grunts, then he started to ride her fiercely. The only sounds that filled the room were flesh meeting and the lustful cries from Lizzy and throaty groans from Darcy.

The indescribable familiar feeling of his wife's orgasm started as her cries grew in volume. She could barely support her weight with her arms, so he leaned back and held her limp body as he continued to thrust until finally her grinding hips and pulsing sex sent him over the edge. They collapsed back against the rug in a tangle of sweaty limbs.

He pulled her against him and rubbed her back. “Mmm, Lizzy, I can't stand being away from you.”

“Me, either, but when you return it makes it worth the wait.”

Without a word, he carefully helped her to her feet, lifted her in his arms and carried her to bed.

“I wanted to seduce you, and you ended up wearing me out,” Lizzy chuckled.

“You did seduce me…but I wanted you there with me.” He kissed her as he lay down beside her.

“You're always so generous,” she said sleepily. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Bella. Rest well.” He kissed her and lay down behind her. “Wait, you never told me your news.”

“Oh, only that Charlotte is in love with Richard.”

Darcy looked down at her with surprise. “You're sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“He'll be ecstatic.”

“We need a plan—a way to get them alone together.”

“Already got that under control. We'll have them meet this weekend at Matlock.”

“Perfect. You're such a wonderful husband.” She turned and kissed him quickly on the lips.

“I'm glad you think so.”

And so the two happy schemers went to sleep, hoping the weekend would be eventful for everyone.

Chapter 8

Lizzy and Darcy quickly worked on planning a trip to Matlock that weekend. The trip served two purposes—the first to give Henry a change of scenery in hopes that he would be distracted by all the changes being brought on by the upcoming arrival of his baby brother or sister, and the second was to give Richard a chance to show Charlotte who he really was on the inside surrounded by his family.

Darcy's car traveled from Pemberley towards Matlock Moor. They had traveled south along the peaks, past Chatsworth where Richard's family estate was just south outside of that district. Charlotte looked out the windows eagerly at the wild countryside. She couldn't help but feel that it was no wonder that England produced such beautiful literature with such inspiration surrounding its poets and writers.

“Lizzy, how much longer until we arrive to Matlock?” Charlotte asked eagerly.

“Oh, not much longer at all.”

“Where exactly are we staying? In the town itself?”

“Oh, no…Did Darcy forget to tell you?” Lizzy looked slyly over at her husband in the driver's seat, who only shook his head and smiled at his wife. “We're staying with his family.”

“Which family?”

“Richards' parents, his elder brother and wife, and their two children. Their daughter loves Henry, and they have a little boy as well who just turned two.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I could have sworn we told you. It must have slipped my mind. I'm so preoccupied these days.”

“Will all of the family be there?”

“I believe so. Well, we're not sure about Richard.” Darcy only offered this small bit of information to help with Lizzy's game. “He'll probably be in London working…or I think he's expected in Paris this weekend. Yes, that's what it was. He's to be gone all week.”

“I suppose his job keeps him very busy.” Charlotte responded neutrally. She wondered if that were the reason he never called her back about having dinner together.

Or what if he decided it would be crazy to even see me? He's moved on after all.

Lizzy noticed Charlotte was being unusually pensive as she stared out the car window.

“You don't need to worry about the family, Char, they're all very nice, once you get to know them. Darcy's aunt, Richard's Mum is a bit…well old fashioned, but she's very worldly. I think you'd really like her. And she just adores her grandchildren and grand nephew.”

“Mum, are we going to see Aunt Ari and Uncle Hild too?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“And Cousin Rachel and Daniel?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“Cousin Rachel isn't going to make me play tea and dolls again, is she?” Henry crossed his arms and scowled. Lizzy had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter; he looked exactly like his father.

“Henry, you will be nice to your cousin. She doesn't have a lot of children to play with.” Darcy said firmly which only made his son frown further. “Henry? You will be nice, or you're going to go to bed with no dessert tonight.”

That quickly changed his son's expression.

“Mummy!”

“Don't even try it, Henry.” Darcy scolded.

He only frowned further and started to pout. Lizzy and Darcy shared a glance at each other. They were beginning to feel they were at their wits end with his recent behavior. Charlotte decided to intervene and distract Henry before he started to throw another tantrum.

“He gets this from you, you know,” Lizzy whispered teasingly in the front seat. Darcy only focused on the road in front of him.

“He keeps trying to get you to be the nice parent when I say no,” Darcy responded. “You need to be more firm with him as well, or he's going to always think I'm the bad guy, and tonight he is not sleeping in the bed with us, yet again.”

Lizzy stroked her husband's thigh. “He's having a hard time adjusting to his new room and big boy bed, and the fact that he knows he's not going to be number one anymore. He'll get over it.”

“But not if you run to him and smother him every time he throws a fit.”

“I'm sorry, I can't help mothering him. I can't ignore him all the time, you know. It tears me up when he cries at night.” Lizzy sounded upset, and felt Darcy was accusing her of doing the wrong things.

“I know. I'm sorry my Lizzy. You're such a wonderful mother. The best mum and wife ever.” He kissed her hand. “Though, we need to be firm with him, or he's going to walk all over us.”

“I know.”

“And I missed you last night when you left to sleep with him after his nightmares.” He stroked her palm and entwined their fingers.

“I missed you, too, darling. I love you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder for the remainder of the drive.

Charlotte couldn't help observing them and listening in on their conversation. If there ever was a couple that was made to be together, it was Lizzy and Darcy. She wondered if she would ever be so lucky in love. Of course her next thoughts were what it would be like if she and Richard were in the same place one day in the future—happily married with one point five children. She quickly shook her head. It was impossible for her to wish of such things, so she told herself not to.

=====

They finally arrived to Matlock house, and Charlotte stood in awe before the old battlements and gothic architecture. She felt as if she was stepping into an Anne Radcliffe novel.

A young girl ran out to greet them followed by a toddler who was still running awkwardly with little chubby arms and legs. They were beautiful children with sandy- blond hair and green eyes. Two adults followed, one looking strikingly like Richard that Charlotte almost froze in her tracks, until she realized he wasn't as tall. He also had his arm around a woman who had the lithe body of a ballet dancer. Lizzy and Darcy introduced her to their cousins Hildebrand, Arienne, and their two children.

When Arienne shook her hand, she looked sideways at Lizzy and spoke something in French and Darcy nodded. Charlotte was confused, but Arienne quickly tucked Charlotte's arm in her elbow and warmly welcomed her as she escorted her into the house.

She gazed at the large baroque tapestries with mille-fleur motif, surrounding knights and ladies in waiting, and high stone arches of the entrance to the great old house. It amazed her that people were able to maintain such homes with modern conveniences. Either they were filthy rich, or they froze in the wintertime, because the stone entryway was drafty even in early April.

She was lead into a family room where the rest of Richard's family was gathered. His father, Lord Randolph Fitzwilliam, the Earl of Matlock, was a stoic elderly man. Charlotte could tell instantly by the spark in his eye where Richard got his sense of humor. His mother, Lady Agatha, who true to Lizzy's word looked like a member of the royal family, sat in a very large wingbacked chair. She looked as if she were presiding on her throne over the family. Charlotte was sure the old woman was a battleaxe, and this was where Richard got his stubborn, snobbish streak.

The introductions were formal. Charlotte kept her sarcasm at bay and was very polite to the elderly couple. Lady Agatha—whom Charlotte learned was only to be address as such or her Ladyship, never ma'am or madam—rose from her seat and insisted on giving a tour of the house to the newcomer. Lizzy couldn't stand being on her feet for such a long time and declined, so Arienne volunteered to keep Charlotte company for the tour of the great house and grounds.

Charlotte was led down long corridors into great hall's galleries then finally out to the formal gardens. She was glad her ankle had healed enough to walk on it, but it was starting to ache. Charlotte had no idea how Lady Agatha had so much energy in her old age. She looked like she was still fit enough to run a marathon.

Charlotte begged to take a break under the pretence that she wanted to enjoy the view a particular bench offered. A man dressed in a suit and wearing white gloves came out with a note on a tray for her Ladyship, who took the letter and dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

She opened it, read its contents, then spoke to her guest and daughter-in-law. “It appears that we are wanted by our husbands.”

Charlotte looked at her oddly and wondered if these people had ever heard of cell phones.

“Can you find your way back, Ms. Lucas?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“Pull the bell cord in the hall if you are lost, and Watkins will assist you.”

“Yes, thank you, ma'…your Ladyship.”

Charlotte sighed a breath of relief when she was finally left alone. The formalities of this household were completely foreign to her. Lizzy and Darcy never behaved in such a way. She sat in silence for sometime, staring at the stream that cut through the grounds. She enjoyed the feel of the breeze and the afternoon sun on her face.

There was a sudden cough and tap on her shoulder. Charlotte bolted up and whirled around in alarm. She almost tripped over a stone and fell flat on her bottom, but a pair of hands grabbed her wrists and kept her on her feet.

“Richard?” Charlotte squeaked in surprise and turned crimson red. “You startled me.”

“Hi, Charlotte,” he said with a grin on his face as he steadied her and let go of her hands.
“I have got to stop running into you this way, or I'm going to land you into a body cast.”

Charlotte laughed, “Yes, you do, but at least you've kept me on my feet…again.”

“So…”

“Umm…What are you doing here?”

Richard raised an eyebrow at her. “Visiting my parents and family.”

Charlotte nearly smacked her forehead. “Of course…It's their house and you're their son.” She bit her tongue to keep herself from making more stupid conversation and wondered why, as someone extremely educated in the English language, she suddenly lost her ability to speak it intelligently.

“Yes,” his eyes had a familiar twinkle of humor in them.

“I didn't expect you to be here.”

“No?”

“Well, I was told you were in Paris on business.”

“That's strange. I was a week ago but not this weekend. I told Darcy…” He stopped and wondered if lying to Charlotte about his absence was the only way they convinced her to come to Matlock.

“Our dinner. You never got in touch.”

“I know. I apologize. It's just that I suddenly had a lot on my plate, and I was out of town for a week, then in negotiations this week. Anyway, I don't want to bore you with all that stuff. I'm here now…as you see.”

“What are you in negotiations over?”

“A contract with my job. They want to send me out of the country.”

“Oh, really? I hope not far?”

“Japan actually.”

“For how long?”

“It hasn't been determined yet.”

“I see. Will…will you be leaving soon?”

“It may be in a month it may be in two weeks.”

“So soon?” she replied sadly.

Richard looked at her sharply trying to decipher her meaning.

“I mean…that is to say…I.” She shook her head and took a deep breath to compose herself. “We haven't had our dinner yet.”

“No, we haven't.” He smiled. “I see you are walking with out crutches now. I guess that means you can move around the kitchen easily?”

“Yes, my ankle is much better. Just a slight limp now.”

“I'm very glad to hear.” He stroked her shoulder affectionately. He hand remained on her arm, and Charlotte seemed not to notice or care.

A strong wind blew through the trees, and Charlotte began to shiver. Richard instinctively placed his other hand on her shoulder and rubbed her arms to warm her. “Looks like winter wants to keep fighting spring. We might be having a storm tonight.”

“I'll make sure not to be out bike riding in it this time.” Charlotte commented sarcastically, causing Richard to smirk.

“Perhaps we should go in. I wouldn't want your nose to turn red from the chill.”

Charlotte nodded, and they walked back to the house, their bodies brushing against each other every so often along the way, sending tingles up their spines.

=====

Dinner was an interesting affair. Lady Agatha dominated the conversation from her end of the table, and Sir Randolph made sarcastic comments that flew right over his wife's head. Richard's older brother, Hildebrand, kept Darcy and Richard deep in conversation over the family financial firm. Arienne, Lizzy, and Charlotte broke off in their own conversation, though. Their topics mostly consisted of their children and trying to keep their food on their plates and off the floor. Henry and Daniel were the two biggest offenders. Rachel, insisting that she was a sophisticated seven-year-old, tried to act as grown up as the ladies.

When the family all sat around in a large, formal sitting room after dinner, Lady Agatha brought up a certain topic of interest to everyone in the room: Richard's love life.

“Richard, who is that girlfriend of yours…Oh, what's her name? Christina? Angelina?”

Charlotte's face instantly shot up, and she looked at Richard. She detected a look of discomfort spread across his features.

“Her name is Helena.”

“Yes, that's it,” she said as she adjusted her bracelets.

“We're not seeing each other anymore, if you must know, Mother.”

“Oh. what a pity!” she replied with not emotion in her voice.

“So you gave her the old heave-ho?” Hildebrand asked his brother.

“Things were never going to work out between us. It was inevitable.”

“Shame, she was a perfect ten.” Arienne smacked her husband's arm and gave him a disapproving glare. “You're an eleven darling, you know that.”

“Well, either way, it was more our personalities that were mismatched, but that's the end of it.” Richard tried to stop the conversation there, but his mother continued on.

“You know, Richard deary, I was speaking to Mrs. Furesen, and her niece is visiting her.”

Richard rubbed his temples and felt an instant headache developing. Darcy and Lizzy looked at each other, than glanced between Richard and Charlotte. Richard looked as if he wished to be swallowed up by the sofa, and Charlotte was staring intently at her lap, playing with a pleat in her skirt.

“Mother, I thought she was barely out of the finishing academy they sent her to in Switzerland.”

“Oh, she's finished now.”

“No—end of discussion.”

“Oh, you remember my good friend, Lady Yates?”

“No, can't say that I do.”

“Well, her daughter was recently divorced. That's what she gets for marrying a corporate lawyer—terrible mess it was.”

“Mother, this is hardly appropriate after dinner conversation.”

“I could give you her number, you know.”

“No, that won't be necessary.”

“Richard, what am I going to do with you? You're thirty-eight years old, for goodness sake! Your older brother has been married for years and has two children already. Will I ever see you settled down and starting a family of your own?”

“One day,” Richard replied as he stood. “And I thank you for your concern, Mother, but I am capable of getting my own dates.” He stalked angrily off to the sideboard and poured himself a strong drink of whiskey in a short tumbler.

Darcy stood not too long after and joined him.

“This has turned out to be a pleasant evening,” he remarked dryly.

“Indeed. I think my mother has been sneaking the claret again. She's normally not this outspoken about my marriage status when a stranger to our family is in the room.”

“You've both been rather quiet this evening. Why don't you go talk to Charlotte? She seems rather lonely.”

“She does. I just wish I could have a chance to be with her alone. But when I am, I feel like I am dealing with a frighten cat. I don't know what to say anymore.”

“You could just start with a hello and a friendly talk about the weather,” Darcy joked.

“How did you and Lizzy get past the awkward stage when you were first reconciling?”

“Hmm, I think we were just casually talking of music and dancing, and Lizzy got so fed up, she broached the subject first. I was too afraid of being rejected again. Or course, it helped that we had our privacy, and some wine, and a nice fire for mood.”

“Well, I won't be having any privacy tonight it seems.”

“Why don't you invite Charlotte to your cottage? She seems keen on the idea of having this dinner for you. You take her there, she'll cook, you be a proper gentleman, do the dishes, and she'll be all over you.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Women love a man with a dish rag in his hands. You know people say a diamond is a girl's best friend, but I beg to differ—it's a man who cooks and cleans.” Both Richard and Darcy shared a laugh over that comment.

“I'll remember that.” Richard took another sip of his glass, and the two cousins stood in silence for some time. Darcy raised a brow questioningly at Richard.

“What?” Richard asked as he took another sip of his drink.

“What? What the hell are you waiting for, someone to light a bloody fire under your ass? Get over there and talk to her.” Darcy paused to take a sip of his drink. “Look, you didn't hear this from me, but I have it on very good authority that the outlook is more favorable this time.”

With that, Darcy turned on his heel and left Richard to his own devices. As the meaning of Darcy's words finally sunk in, Richard jaw nearly fell to the floor.

He gazed back at the occupants of the room. His mother seemed completely unaffected by the raised tones of their conversation as she sipped a cordial. Darcy rejoined his father and brother, and they quickly got into a conversation about cigars. Lizzy and Arienne were bent deep into conversation about motherhood. Only Charlotte was silent and aloof.

He watched her sitting up stiffly, her hands were folded in her lap, and her delicate ankles were crossed. She gazed across the room at a painting on the opposite wall, but her stare was blank. He watched her swallow and close her eyes as her head bowed. The light from a lamp behind her caused her dark hair to shimmer and highlighted a few short pieces that escaped from her simple tortoise shell combs.

He was lost looking upon her distant countenance. There was something about her that created and urge deep inside of him to hold and protect her and most strongly too love her. At that moment, she turned her head and looked at him, standing in the shadows of the room. He stepped forward when he saw her eyes glistening. Silently, he went to her side and sat beside her. He handed her his glass, and with a nod of thanks, she accepted and took a sip before handing it back to him.

“Thank you. I didn't realize how much I needed that.”

“You're welcome.”

They sat beside each other quietly as the rest of the room chattered away. Neither felt the need to say much in the presence of others. Although they had a small conversation between themselves.

“I'm sorry to hear about you and Helena.”

“It's okay. I'm fine with it. Things should have been over long before they ended.” He paused as if he were mulling over his words carefully. “She was a nice girl, but she wasn't my type.” He spoke barely above a whisper.

Charlotte took in a deep breath, and closed her eyes. Richard's hand brushed along hers on the sofa cushion between them, yet she didn't move her hand away. His pinky slowly started to wrap around hers, until ultimately, his large hand rested over hers and their fingers interlocked.

For some strange reason, Charlotte wasn't frightened by his touch or entirely turned on by it. His touch was different. It felt comforting and reassuring, and as if he were trying to say, I'm here. I won't leave. Please talk to me. Charlotte looked over at him and slowly released the breath she had been holding.

“So…” she said with a sly smile that reminded him of the Charlotte he used to know. “About that dinner I owe you.”

“Yes, about that.” He returned her smile.

“Do you think we could do it this weekend? Since we're both here, I could go to the market in the morning and pick up a few fresh ingredients.”

“What's on the menu?”

“It's a secret, but I think you will like it. There's only one small problem.”

“That being?”

“Well, either I cook for everyone, or we find a way to have a meal for just the two of us.”

“I have a solution for this slight dilemma. I know a place not too far from here—it's a little cottage that used to be part of the estate. It's a bit run down, but things are in working order. It's a bit of a project of mine to restore it.”

“That sounds nice. So, tomorrow afternoon then? I'd love for you to show me around.”

“I'd like that.”

“Okay, it's a date.” As soon as the words came out of her mouth she blushed furiously. Why did she feel like a teenager asking a boy out on their first date?

Richard beamed at hearing her words. They agreed she could cook the appetizers and entrée, but he would provide the dessert.

When all the guests parted for the evening, Richard kissed Charlotte's hand lightly as he bid her goodnight. Lizzy, Darcy, and Arienne all shared smiles and thumbs up as well.


Chapter 9

Charlotte had never been so nervous in her entire life. She was rarely the type to lack self-confidence. She wasn't even nervous when she gave her first ever lecture as a young teacher's assistant. But this was different and the stakes were very high.

She paced back and forth in her room, wringing her hands. Her stomach was equally twisted in knots. She had a deep pain in the pit of her stomach, and twice she felt she would lose its contents. She had tried lying down to calm her nerves, but that hadn't worked. The aspirin helped dull her headache, but she wasn't any closer to getting rest tonight.

As a child, her father would read her stories at night and that was the only thing that helped her calm down and sleep. She missed those days terribly, and since then, books had become her one true comfort. She looked at the small stack next to her bed and found none that she was interested in perusing. One of the benefits of the great houses where she had been staying was that they had excellent libraries. If only she could remember how to get there.

She put on her robe and slippers and crept down the hall, hoping that no one else was awake at that late hour. After one wrong turn, she remembered the library at Matlock was one floor below her room at the opposite end of the house. When she approached the double doors to the room, one was ajar, and a lamp was lit from within. She peered in slowly, not wanting to disturb a member of the family that might have been seeking solace there.

What she beheld made her grin. Lizzy was standing on tiptoe, cursing under her breath as she tried to grab a book on a high shelf. Charlotte knocked and coughed to make sure her presence was known.

“Lizzy what on earth are you doing up?”

“I couldn't sleep because of the baby, so I decided to get a book to read. Darcy already dozed off a half- hour ago.”

“I bet you'll be glad when this one arrives, huh?”

“Yes, of course, we can't wait…but then a whole new set of sleepless nights begins. It's worth it, though, to see and hold your baby. I guess if you ever have a child, you'll understand one day.”

Charlotte sat down on the nearest sofa and rubbed her stomach. Lizzy watched her face grimace in discomfort.

“Charlotte? Is something the matter?”

“I…I don't feel so good.” Charlotte swallowed heavily trying to keep the bile down. “I think I'm going to be sick.”

Lizzy quickly grabbed her friend's hands and took her to the bathroom across the hall. She rubbed Charlotte's back as she retched. When she was finished, Charlotte still did not feel relief. She laid her head against the cool tile wall as Lizzy filled a glass of water for her.

“Charlotte, this has gone on long enough. You need to tell me what's wrong. This is not normal behavior for you and I'm worried.”

“I know.” Charlotte replied weakly.

“What's happened to you, honey?”

“I'm so nervous about tomorrow, Lizzy.”

“Why? You should be excited. This is your chance to make something happen with yourself and Richard, and it's about time!”

“I'm scared, Lizzy! I'm afraid of being alone with him!”

“But why? He's never given you reason to be afraid of him. He's very protective of the people he loves.”

“I'm not afraid of that. I'm afraid of what he will think of me…” tears started to fall from her eyes.

“But Char, he thinks very highly of you.”

“No, he has no reason to think highly of me. I'm a horrible, horrible person for what I did.”

Lizzy looked at her friend with alarm and spoke cautiously. “What did you do, Charlotte?”

Charlotte turned to Lizzy and looked at her solemnly. “Three years ago, at your New Years Eve party at the loft—do you remember that night?”

“I did get a bit smashed, but what happened?”

“I left the party with Richard.”

“So that's what happened to you? I had thought you just went to bed after I did, and you were gone by the time I woke up to catch your flight, but you ended up going out?”

“I don't know why I went with him. He was being so charming—he was being everything I wanted in a person I could see myself falling in love with. I was incredibly drunk, and I let myself get carried away. It was just all too romantic, the jazz club, taking a moonlight stroll, holding hands. Then we kissed. Oh, Lizzy the kiss. It was the most magical kiss I've ever received.”

Lizzy looked at her friend in shock. She had no idea she was such a romantic at heart.

“At that moment, I don't know what I was thinking, but he was more intoxicating than all the champagne I drank that night. His smell, the feel of him, and I saw that beautiful dreamy look he gets in his eyes when I know he's becoming aroused.” Charlotte bit her bottom lip and blushed. “Sorry, perhaps I shouldn't be so detailed.”

“It's alright. Please tell me what happened next.”

“I had such a wonderful night with him that I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want it to end. We kissed under a streetlamp, and he wrapped his arms around me, and I felt so warm. Then we hailed a cab back to his place. Before I knew what was happening, we were all over each other, and then we…” She gulped. “We were making love. It was not just sex, it was simply…perfect, wonderful, passionate. I had never felt those things before.”

“When you have sex with the person you love it can be those things and so much more.”

“But, I was such an idiot. The next morning, I didn't remember what I had done. I panicked and left.”

“Charlotte, did you wake him?”

“No,” she looked down at her hands in shame. “I'm so ashamed of myself. I don't know why I did it. I was afraid of what he would think of me, and I was angry with myself. He behaved the opposite of everything I thought he was, and I still wanted to believe that he was this horrible womanizer.”

“Be fair, Charlotte, you used each other when you first hooked up.”

“I know! I know! I'm the worst hypocrite ever! I know in the past I had no right to censure his behavior, but after I ended things with him, I firmly decided to change my ways. Then I just let all those months of determination and self-improvement slip away completely in one night. I wanted to think the worst of him, but when I remembered our night…I couldn't hate him. I only hated myself.

“I never called him. I never told him my plans to move to the west coast. It was a mean, horrible thing for me to do.”

“Char, it was only one night. I think you're being too hard on yourself.”

Charlotte looked down again and started to cry anew. It was an anguished cry, one Lizzy had never seen her friend reduced to. She wordlessly moved to the floor with her and stroked her back tenderly and tried her best to comfort her.

“Char, is there more that you're not telling me?”

Charlotte nodded. “About a month later, I realized I was…late.”

“Late? For what?” Charlotte placed her hand on Lizzy's stomach and her eyes widened in shock. “You…you were…”

“Pregnant.” Charlotte wiped her eyes with trembling hands.

“But, what happened? Where is the baby?”

Charlotte suddenly felt like she was being gripped by another wave of nausea. She had to tuck her head between her knees and take several deep breaths of air.

“I didn't carry the baby to term,” she said between gasps.

Lizzy gripped her hands tightly as she waited for Charlotte to continue. It took a while before she felt composed enough to continue.

“I began to wonder why I never remembered that night, when I woke up the next morning. It slowly came back to me. I had been having trouble sleeping for months, and I was always exhausted. When I did find sleep, I usually blacked out for hours.

“I thought it might have been because I was just depressed and unhappy with my life. I was excited about starting over in Portland. But carrying a baby was like a sudden crash against a brick wall for me. I was afraid of what it would do to my position at the college. I was just starting there. I seriously considered an abortion, but when it came down to it, I couldn't do it.”

“I was afraid of having to make that decision as well. I understand what you were going through. When I found out I was pregnant with Henry, I was terrified. But once I got through telling Fitzwilliam, I realized everything was going to be okay.”

“One of my TA's was a single mom, and she invited me to her support group. They were all young women, some of them didn't even have a career as well paying as mine, but they were still making ends meet. I decided there was no reason for me not to keep the baby. If the school had a problem, I would simply find another position.”

“You did tell Richard, didn't you?”

Charlotte shook her head.

“Oh, Charlotte…why didn't you tell him?”

“I didn't know what to say. I never spoke to him after I left that morning, and as the time dragged on further and further, it just became easier for me to accept that I was a coward. I was afraid he wouldn't have supported my decision to keep the baby, either.”

“I suppose you never would have known the answer unless you told him.”

“I dreamt that he wanted the baby like I did, that we could raise him together. It was a boy, and I named him Richard Dylan.”

“That's a beautiful name.”

Charlotte nodded as another tear fell. “I've never told anyone this before.”

“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, honey. Just know that I'm here for you if you need to talk, though.”

“Have you ever heard of Hyperthyroidism?”

Lizzy shook her head in the negative.

“My doctor wasn't aware of it, either. At least, he never thought to check for the condition. I never even knew I had it. Before I was pregnant I simply thought that my body was fatigued from stress, but everything became worse rather quickly. The symptoms were overlooked because they were similar to normal symptoms of pregnancy. I was horribly sick, I lost a lot of weight, but things seemed to turn around and regulate themselves, and I thought I was doing better.

“I went into labor early. If it had only been a week or two later, he might have survived. The doctors thought there was a chance he would survive, but he was just so…he was so tiny and helpless. I tried to comfort myself by saying that even if it were two weeks later, at least he never experienced pain, and at least I got to hold him just once.”

“Oh, Charlotte.” Lizzy was in tears now as well. “How did you bear that alone? You should not have borne it alone. You should have called Richard.”

“I can't take it back now. I had actually been determined to tell him before everything went so terribly wrong. It just happened so suddenly. I didn't want to talk to anyone after I was released from the hospital.”

“I'm so sorry, Charlotte, so terribly sorry for your loss.”

“It's been tormenting me for years, keeping this inside. I want to tell Richard, but I'm so afraid of how he'll react. I was stupid and wrong for not telling him, and now I'm certain that any sentiments he might still harbor for me will vanish instantly if I do.”

“You don't know that, Charlotte.”

“I did a horrible thing. Perhaps it is my fault I lost the baby. If I had taken better care of myself, if I slowed down my work schedule…I replay things in my head over and over, thinking if there might have been a way I could have changed things. I never knew women who suffer from the condition are more likely to miscarry or have babies with birth defects.”

“You didn't do anything wrong, Charlotte, and you could not have prevented anything that happened. Perhaps you should have that doctor investigated, he might have overlooked vital treatment.”

“Even so, it won't bring him back.”

“I know…Charlotte, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish there was something I could say to make things better.”

“Don't worry, Lizzy. I've had a long time to try and cope. I can't forget it, but I've tried to move on.”

“Now I understand why you were always so downcast whenever we had discussions about babies. I'm sorry if I ever upset you unknowingly.”

“No, please, Lizzy…how could you have known. No one knew what happened to me.”

“Not even your parents?”

“My parents are so religious it would have upset them a lot. I was ashamed. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm still terrified of what Richard would think of me if he knew. How can I tell him now?”

“Charlotte, you need to tell Richard everything. Be perfectly honest with him. He deserves an explanation after all these years. He will be upset and rightly so. But there will be no chance for a relationship between you two if it is founded on deceit. Once Darcy told me everything about his past, we were able to share his grief, and it was comforting. I know Richard loves you still, and I'm sure he will only want to share your grief as well and help you recover from it.”

Charlotte nodded silently. Lizzy stood and offered her more water. The clock in the hall struck two a.m. They both decided it was time for bed. Charlotte hugged Lizzy tightly for a long time before they said goodnight.

=====

Richard's mother had always taught him never to eavesdrop and for a good reason, but he heard Charlotte crying from the cracked door of the bathroom near the library. He was about to step forward to offer his assistance. He heard Charlotte talking about kissing him, and he smiled smugly and thought it wouldn't be so bad if he listened for a little while. But then her conversation changed drastically, after he had heard that he had gotten Charlotte pregnant that night, his stomach dropped. Fear gripped him as he realized that he might have a child that he never knew. Then anger rushed over his body as he wondered why Charlotte would hide his child from him. When he heard her say that she didn't carry the baby to term, he felt as though his heart was pulled from his chest and ripped in half.

He didn't listen another moment. He ran to his room and punched his wall. He knocked over a vase from his nightstand accidentally. When it didn't shatter to pieces, he picked it up and tossed it into the fireplace making sure it was destroyed. Then he grabbed his keys, and took off. He couldn't stay in the house a moment longer—he needed to get away.

Richard stormed out of the house, and got into his car and drove furiously for a long time. He finally came to a point where there was not a farmhouse anywhere for miles. He pulled to the side of the road and got out of his car, slamming the door shut. He paced in one direction and then another before he kicked a stone in his path.

“Why? Fucking hell! Why the fuck would she do that to me?” Richard screamed. He let out another yell of anguish that echoed far into the night.

His knees felt weak, and he fell on them against the damp dewy grass. His entire life had just been turned upside down. How could he get past such blatant betrayal? He thought he understood Charlotte as a person, he thought she was good and kind underneath her quiet exterior, but this—this was not the Charlotte he dreamt of at night. This was not the woman who inspired him to become a better man. Nor was this the behavior of the Charlotte he thought he knew. She would not do what he had just heard her say she did.

His thoughts then turned to the baby he never knew he fathered. What became of the child? Charlotte had said she did not carry the baby to term. Did she miscarry early on? Or worse did she terminate the pregnancy? Was she so uncaring as to simply take care of the “problem,” as well as not even inform him of her situation? All he could think at the moment was the worst, especially of Charlotte.

He was wrong—wrong about her, and wrong about them. Everything he thought he knew and wanted in love was completely wrong. How could they ever get past this?


=====
The next morning Charlotte felt restless, she had tossed and turned till three am before she was able to sleep. She knew she would be worn out, but she forced herself out of bed the next morning. She planned a healthy yet delicious meal for her dinner with Richard, and she wanted everything to be perfect. It had taken many months after her tragic miscarriage before the source of her health problems was identified, since then she had lived a very healthy life style. Doctors had recommended a permanent treatment of radioactive iodine for her condition. However, they hoped her case was only temporary, and decided against surgery, so they prescribed her medication for the symptoms. She was told for many patients, the medication cured them of any problems.

Years later she still felt symptoms of her condition, but tried to regulate them with proper diet, exercise, and rest. It had helped her feel and look better, but was difficult to maintain with a full work schedule. She refused to have surgery, in fact she would have been happy to never step foot in a hospital again after he last stay at one. So she had to go back on the medication. She had a temporary slip when her father passed away, but ever since she had been in England she had time she truly needed to rest and relax away from work. For the first time in years she began to feel better.

She had made up her mind to tell Richard everything that had happened to her, and she was very nervous. She knew she risked him walking out of her life completely, but if that were the case, at least she would have been able to get everything out in the open between them. She would not despise him for whatever decision he chose to make about their relationship.

Lizzy drove Charlotte to a farmer's market in the morning, and she picked out the ingredients for her dinner: a lemon and rosemary chicken entree, a sweet potato and fig side dish, asparagus with a sherry vinaigrette, and bruschetta as an appetizer. She cooked all afternoon in the large gourmet kitchen at Matlock and transferred everything to dishes she could use to warm the food at Richard's home.

She changed into a modest 1950's style navy blue dress with lace that trimmed the v-neck line, and grabbed a sweater to wear over top. Lizzy helped style her hair and loaned Charlotte her favorite pearl earrings. She said she wore them the first time Darcy told her he loved her, and that they've always brought her good luck.

With all the food loaded into the car Lizzy had loaned her—and Charlotte feeling at least presentable—there was nothing left for her to do but gather her courage and face Richard.

She had driven for twenty minutes and missed a few turns, but finally pulled down a driveway to a small stone cottage with a red door and an old, bluish-gray slate roof. The gardens were a bit overrun with weeds, the shutters needed repairing, and all the exterior trim needed a fresh coat of paint, but with a little work, it would be a charming home.

Richard saw her vehicle approaching. He was up all night trying to decide how to confront Charlotte about the events of three years ago. Perhaps she would offer her side of the story over dinner. Finally, he had decided he needed to keep his temper in check and let her speak. If she did not confess, then he would broach the subject.

Charlotte walked up to the door with her hands full of dishes and a bag hanging off of her elbow. It opened before she would ring the bell, and Richard quickly offered his assistance with the things. Keeping him self occupied in some manner helped keep his mind away from the things he overheard the night before.

He showed her into the kitchen. It was not large, but not too cramped. It was just the right size with enough counter space for someone who loved to bake. The appliances were dated, but they still functioned. The best part was the large window above the kitchen sink framed with simple white curtains. It overlooked meadows and a stream that separated the property from a neighboring farm far in the distance.

Charlotte gazed out the window for several moments and thought how perfectly quaint the view was. There was a willow tree behind the house and a new swing bench sheltered among the branches. She turned from the window and looked at Richard who was leaning against the doorframe. His face bore a neutral expression. Charlotte was at a loss to know how to strike up a conversation, and Richard seemed not to welcome one, either, which was far from what she expected of him this evening.

The only thing that was going through his head at that moment was how beautiful Charlotte looked. He had imagined her standing in his home for so long, and now that she was here, he could only think of what he had over heard yesterday evening. Still, he thought she was gorgeous. She was the only woman alive who had such power over him. The only woman who had brought him such pain in the past, but also the one who had the potential to bring him all his future happiness. If that were ever going to happen, this situation hey were in was going to require some delicacy, if either of them was going to come out unscathed.

“Perhaps you could show me where a few things are?” Charlotte asked.

“Yes, of course,” Richard snapped out of his thoughts. He showed her where some utensils were, the bathroom was at the end of the hall, and they would be dining in the living room, since the dining room had drop clothes for painting covering the floors.

Charlotte then shooed him out of the kitchen, even though he kindly asked to help her. She needed the time alone to think, and hopefully dull the ache in her stomach from her anxiety.

He was relieved when she refused the help. The longer they avoided speaking to each other, and the longer he was left to his own thoughts, which tended to wander to the worst right now, the angrier he became.

Everything smelled absolutely wonderful. True to her word, Charlotte was an excellent cook. He complimented her when he tasted each dish, but their conversation was stilted. He was trying to tell himself to keep his temper in check and wait for her to speak, but she was not talking anymore than he was and it was only making him more angry as the clock on his mantle ticked by.

Likewise, Charlotte was becoming frustrated that he hardly spoke to her, but his silence was fueling her anger as well. Finally, she could take is disinterested manner no longer.

“Richard,” she looked at him with questioning eyes, “is something the matter? Is the food not to your liking?”

“No, no, of course not. The food is wonderful.”

“What is the matter then? You've been so quiet all evening. I thought…I thought we…I mean to say. I thought this would be a good opportunity for us to talk. To get to know one another better?” she asked hopefully.

“Yes, it seems we really don't know each other, do we? You think you know a person, and then they don't really turn out to be what you thought they were.” He glared at her, and his expression startled her.

“I'm afraid I don't understand your meaning?”

“Tell me, Charlotte, what happened three years ago?”

Charlotte paled and looked down at her hands. “Perhaps we should have another glass of wine.” She was trying to stall, but she really needed a second glass to help calm her nerves. Richard obviously wanted to get right to the crux of their past problems. She poured them each a glass and took a big sip from hers, but Richard's remained untouched.

He crossed his legs and folded his arms defensively and waited for her to speak.

“I know I owe you an explanation for my behavior,” she said quietly. “If I could take it all back I would. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret my decisions.”

“They were obviously only your decisions, since you didn't bother to consult me for my opinion, and had complete disregard to my feelings.” He was clearly upset.

“I deserve that. I know I hurt you.”

“I don't think you'll ever understand how deeply.”

Charlotte stood and walked to the window, he obviously wasn't going to make this easy for her. Richard watched her shoulders tense, and one of her small hand wiped at her cheek. When she turned to face him again her eyes were brimming with tears.

He couldn't bear to see her crying so he stood, stalked over to the fireplace, hung his fist against the mantle, and stabbed at the grate furiously with the poker.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I didn't want to hurt you…I was…”

“Did you ever care for me at all? Even just a little?” He cut her off. His voice was filled with venom and a touch of despair.

“Yes,” she insisted.

“Or was I simply a tool for your pleasure?”

“No.” Charlotte balled her hands into fists. “You have no right to ask me that question because I could say the same of your behavior years ago.”

“You knew I cared about you, though, when we slept together that night. Whatever happened before that, at least you knew that night I wanted your heart, Charlotte, not just your body.”

“I didn't know what to think of you. If you really wanted to get to know me, then why did we sleep together again? It just didn't feel right.”

“Jesus Christ! You wanted to. You know it was right. Don't tell me it was against your will, because you and I both know that would be a lie.”

“I was drunk.”

“Obviously, because I'm just a mistake, aren't I. You wouldn't have slept with me any other way.”

“No, Richard. Can I just explain please?”

“So, you thought you'd just give me one last fuck, and then you'd be on your merry way, never to see me again?”

“Stop!”

“Why did you leave? Why didn't you call me? Neither of us used protection that night. Did you think I didn't worry about you for months afterwards? And I didn't hear a single word from you.”

Charlotte's heart gripped with panic.

“Well?” he raised his voice slightly. “What's your excuse?”

He didn't even wait for her answer. “I suppose my suspicions were right, then. You didn't give two shits about me, did you? And what's more—something did happen to you that night, didn't it?”

“Richard, please…” a tear slid down her cheek.

“Something happened, didn't it? Tell me what happened!” he screamed at her now.

“I was on an antibiotic for what my doctor thought was a sinus infection. I thought the Pill would be enough, and we've never used condoms. I didn't even think about it that night, but a few weeks later…I realized I became pregnant,” she said numbly.

“And you couldn't fucking tell me? You couldn't pick up the goddamned phone and tell me you were pregnant. Am I that repulsive, Charlotte, that you didn't want me to be around to be a father to my child.”

“No, if you would just let me get a word in,” she shouted at him.

“But there is no child, is there, Charlotte? You hated me so much you didn't even want to have my baby. Is that what it was—you simply took care of the situation without asking if I wanted to have any sort of involvement, without asking how I felt about your being pregnant. You just went and terminated…”

Richard didn't even have a chance to finish his sentence, before Charlotte took two quick steps across the room closing the distance between them and delivering a decisive slap across Richards face.

The crack of her hand against his cheek filled the silence in the room. Charlotte's small fists then pounded weakly against his chest, but he grabbed them, and she struggled against his strength, trying to hit him again. Finally, she tore her hands from his grasp.

“How can you say that?” she cried, trying to hold back her tears. “How can you accuse me of that? You have no fucking idea what I went through. No idea at all!

“You'll never, never understand what it's like to be in that situation. Can't you understand I was scared? I didn't know what to do, and I was afraid you'd want nothing to do with me as well if you knew. But how dare you, how DARE you think that I would do that to our baby. I wanted our baby!” She turned away from him and sobbed.

“I was going to tell you. I had made up my mind to call you, and ask you to be a part of the baby's life. If you want to know the truth, I went into premature labor. I have a condition the doctors weren't aware of and it caused the baby to come too early. I'd give anything to change that, but I can't.”

Charlotte grabbed her purse and sweater from the side bar, and stalked towards the front door and paused with her hand on the door knob. “We had a boy, he was the most perfect, tiny baby.” Her voice choked. “I named him Richard.” Both their hearts broke at hearing her words.

“Charlotte...wait!” he called out to her, but she slammed the door and ran to her car.

Richard was quick on her heels, but she was in the car and started the engine before he could stop her.

“Charlotte…please, wait! Stop! I'm sorry! Please listen to me!” he yelled as she peeled wheels out on to the main road. She looked in the rear view mirror and saw him running after her, but she couldn't make herself stop.

A quarter-mile down the road when her car disappeared around a bend, Richard was bent clutching his knees, gasping for breath. His heart was pounding. He felt like a monster for his accusations. How could he have been so cruel? Why did he choose that moment to let anger he had held inside for years consume him? And what made him feel worse was that he had just deeply hurt the one woman he had always sworn he would do anything to make happy.

He walked to the side of the road and collapsed against a fence post and cried. He hadn't cried since he was a boy and his grandmother had passed away, but once he started he could not stop. He wept for himself and all the pain Charlotte had caused him, but what really caused the most tears to fall was when he thought of her, alone scared and pregnant, and how she bore the lose of their child alone. He pounded his fist against the fence post when he thought of the horrible hateful words that spewed out of his mouth just moments ago. Then he thought of the last words she had spoken to him before running out of the house. She had named their baby after him.

Richard wiped his tears and pulled his mobile from his pocket.

=====

Darcy looked out the window and saw Charlotte pulling up, and Lizzy looked at him with worried eyes. It wasn't a good sign she was back so soon. She went out to meet her, and he watched from the window as Charlotte wrapped her arms around his wife and wept against her shoulder. He felt his mobile vibrating, and answered with out looking at the caller.

The anguished, and sniffling voice on the other end of his cousin was barely recognizable, and alarmed him deeply.

“Richard? Is that you? What is the matter?” He had never heard him sound so troubled before.

“Darcy, is she there? Just tell me she's ok?”

“Yes, she's here. She's just pulled in.”

“Make sure she's ok?”

“Lizzy's with her, I'm sure she's fine. Richard what is the matter?”

“I need your help, please…please can you come over here. I need someone to talk to.”

“I'll be over in five minutes.”


Chapter 10


Darcy pulled up to Richard's cottage. The exterior lights were on, but the house was dark. He let himself in and found Richard in the living room leaning against the mantle. He was still occupied stoking the glowing embers of the fire that was dimming. Darcy coughed to announce his presence, and Richard set the poker aside and slowly turned to face his cousin.

When Darcy saw his elder cousin's face streaked from slowly drying tears, he was shocked. Richard never cried. Ever.

“Good god, Richard, what is the matter?”

“It's over.”

“What do you mean over?”

“I've ruined everything. There's no chance now. No hope at all. It was a stupid dream anyway.”

“Did you argue?”

“Somewhat.” Richard walked to his sofa and collapsed in the seat half-lounging and let out a defeated sigh.

Darcy walked to the sideboard and poured them both a strong drink.

“Do you mind telling me what the hell happened, then? Charlotte was very upset when she came back.”

“I said horrible things. I'll never be able to take them back, and I'm sure she'll never forgive me. Darcy, why am I such a stupid, stupid fool? Why can't I learn to keep my mouth shut and not rush to judge people?”

“Because even though you've changed, you've still got that loud-mouthed, arrogant streak in you.”

“And it chose to rear its ugly head again at the worst possible time.”

“Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me what happened?”

“Late last night, long after we had all turned in, I went to the library to get a book. I couldn't sleep, so I thought it would help. Across the hall I heard crying and muffled voices coming from the bathroom.”

“Who was up that late?”

“The door was cracked, and I could tell it was Lizzy and Charlotte. Charlotte was the one crying, though. I was concerned for her and was about to ask if she needed help, but then she and Lizzy started talking.”

“And you listened in?”

“I shouldn't have, I know…but they were discussing me.”

“Regardless, you should have walked away or made your presence known.”

“I didn't stay long. I overheard Charlotte confessing something to Lizzy about our past…something that happened after the New Years party three years ago in New York.”

Darcy's eyes flashed with recognition. He remembered when his cousin came storming into the loft the morning after, looking for Charlotte, who had already left for the airport.

“Charlotte and I ended up…well you know.” He rubbed his brow. “And you know how that story goes—I never heard from her again until I saw her sitting in the café that day in Lambton.”

“Is there more to the story?”

“Yes. After that night Charlotte became pregnant. It was mine, and she never told me. She never had the decency to tell me I was going to be a father.”

Darcy leaned his elbows against his knees, steepled his fingers, and pressed them against his lips. This was shocking news indeed.

“I simply don't understand why she would do that to me. If you say she claims to love me now, where are those feelings coming from? Why didn't she love me enough to tell me then?”

“I don't know, Richard.” Darcy sat in silence a few moments. “Perhaps she was scared? Maybe she didn't know how to tell you. It's not a real excuse, but put yourself in her shoes. Maybe she didn't know what to do.”

Richard was about to protest, but Darcy held his hand up. “Just hear me out. I'm trying to help you see how this could have happened. When Lizzy became pregnant with Henry, I was not around because of business travels. She knew she was pregnant for almost a full two weeks before she had the courage to tell me and only then it was face to face. Lizzy was very scared of being pregnant, especially since she was young and single. She was worried about her career and how a baby was going to affect our relationship. Women are freaked out by that sort of thing. It's a major life change, and Charlotte probably didn't know how to handle the situation. Think about you and Charlotte. You weren't exactly in a relationship. Perhaps she had no reason to believe you would want to be a part of the child's life.”

“But she knew my feelings. She knew I wanted to be with her!” Richard interrupted.

“Yes, maybe she did, or maybe she wasn't certain of them. But what is probably true was that she was scared.”

“Damn it, Darcy, she could have just bloody told me.”

“You're right, she could have. In fact, she should have told you. But maybe you shouldn't be so hard on her about the decisions she made three years ago.”

“But those decisions affected me!”

“So this is why she was so upset? Why aren't you the one consoling her right now?”

“Well, last night I must not have heard the full story. I heard her say she didn't carry the baby to term.”

Darcy frowned at those words. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “What happened?”

“She went into early labor, and the baby didn't survive.”

“Jesus, I'm sorry to hear that, Richard.”

Richard nodded solemnly. “I only wish she didn't have to go through that alone. If she had told me, I would have been there for her.”

“Is that why she was so upset tonight?”

Richard squeezed his temples. “Partly. I…I accused her of terminating the pregnancy.”

“Richard! Why on earth would you do something like that? Why didn't you ask her about what happened first?”

“I was so angry she didn't tell me about the baby, all I heard was that she didn't carry the baby to term…I assumed that meant she had an abortion. How was I supposed to know? I just assumed the worst, and I've created a bloody nightmare now.”

“Well, yes. No wonder she was so upset.”

“What the hell am I going to do now?”

“Well, short of throwing yourself at her feet and begging for mercy, I'm not quite sure.”

“I feel like the lowest creature on earth. Everything went so terribly wrong. I wanted to be patient, to hear her out, but my anger got the best of me. She finally slapped me to get me to shut my stupid mouth and set the record straight.”

“Seems like both your tempers were in high ire.”

“Did you know she was sick? Do you know what's wrong with her? She wouldn't tell me. She's been ill for a while. I can look at her and see she's not been herself, but I didn't know she was ill.”

“I didn't know she was ill, either. Lizzy hasn't told me anything.”

“I don't think I could bear her being ill.” Richard bent over and hid his face in his hands.

“Look, Richard, do you love her?”

“Yes.” He didn't even hesitate. He had never really vocalized those feelings aloud before, but it seemed so right to do it now.

“Why exactly do you love her?”

“Because she's intelligent, witty, beautiful. She understood my jokes, and she can make me laugh as well. And, well…frankly, she changed me, Darcy. She made me realize what a childish, simpleton I was before. She opened my eyes to how wasteful my life was, and she made me want to become a better person. There was a time when I felt friendless, and she was the only person there for me. All I ever wanted was a chance for her to see that I was not the same Richard she first met. I seem to keep ruining that.”

“Then if you love her, forgive her for not telling you about the baby. It's as simple as that. You have to forgive her irrevocably. And then you have to move on together from there. I know from experience that the path to true love is never smooth, and you two have had a lot of pit falls, but there's a chance. Trust me, everyone can see it in your eyes and hers. Neither of you is the first to act like fools, and you won't be the last, either.”

“How am I ever going to get her to forgive me, though?”

“If she truly loves you, she will forgive you.”

“I'm sure she'll never want to speak to me again.”

“Are you really going to give up that easily?”

Richard pressed his lips together firmly.

Darcy's mobile rang at that moment. It was Lizzy, so he excused himself to take the call.

He hung up and turned to Richard. “Lizzy is wondering when I'll be back. She wants to take Charlotte to Pemberley tonight. Charlotte wants to leave in the morning.”

Richard's eyes looked panic. “What? No, she can't leave…not yet.”

“Look, Charlotte can't skip town in one night. She'll still be here in the morning. I'll make sure of it. Sleep on it, and then do whatever you have to do—whatever it takes to win her back. This might truly be your last chance.”

The muscle in Richards jaw tightened, he nodded at Darcy's words. Darcy patted his cousin on the shoulder and left him alone in the dark room.

=====


Dawn rose over Pemberley with the melodic sounds of birds chirping and wind rustling through branches where leaf buds were starting to bloom. Charlotte was up early. She didn't sleep well last night. They returned to Pemberley late, after making their excuses to their hosts for their early departure, citing that Henry was being fussy about sleeping lately (which was partly true), and it would be best if he were in his own bed. Charlotte stayed up and packed all of her belongings, and her suitcases were ready to go. She stepped out of bed and walked to the bathroom.

Her body felt raw, as if she had been dragged over a bed of nails and back, and her emotions felt numb. A hot shower did not help, nor did a nice cup of tea and a warm, freshly baked scone. She nibbled on the scone and wrapped another in her pocket to take with her on a walk. She wanted to see the beautiful gardens of Pemberley just once more.

She wandered aimlessly till she arrived in a cherry blossom grove. This was a garden that Lizzy and Darcy started together the first year of their marriage. The young trees had grown so much in such a short time. The blooms were full on the trees and many were falling to the ground. When a gentle breeze passed, the air was filled with swirling pink blossom petals and a sweet fragrance.

That was how Richard saw her, with her head tilted upwards towards the branches as she looked at the delicate blossoms, a tender smile on her lips. For the rest of his life, he would never forget this brief moment nor the short period of silence they shared when she turned and saw him staring at her intently from the other side of the grove.

She watched him approach. She was too weary to protest or run away. When she saw a bench between two trees she sat down, because she felt her legs were no longer able to support her weight.

When he was finally standing before her, he saw a tear trickle down her cheek. Her hands griped tightly to the edge of the bench she sat upon until her knuckles turned white. They did not greet each other. Richard only coughed and shifted nervously on his heels. He pulled a piece of paper from the breast pocket of his jacket and unfolded it.

“I wrote a letter,” he said with an embarrassed tone. “I never seem to be able to express myself as I should, especially when it is important. You've always been better at that.”

Charlotte nodded slightly at his compliment.

“If you will allow me some of your time, I'd like to read it to you.”

“All right.”

“Dear Charlotte,” he coughed nervously, and his voice almost choked during the first sentence.

“Please don't be alarmed that this letter contains any repeat of the argument we had yesterday evening. I wanted to have the opportunity to speak with you about many things, but I have never seemed to be able to say the right words at the right moment, and last night was a classic example of my foolish arrogance.

“From the very beginning I have always thought you the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance. I remember the night we first met clearly in my mind. However, I was too immature at the time to realize that we had potential beyond the bedroom. Slowly, I began to see what a loving, passionate woman you are. You are immensely loyal to your friends, you always spoke tenderly of your family, and with exuberance about your career. You had wit and charm beyond any woman I had ever met before, and you were even gracious enough to laugh at my terrible jokes and put up with my childish humor and behavior.

“When I saw the passion you had for every aspect of your life, I began to reflect on my own. I had put off having any sort of real career because of my wealth. I didn't see the need to work for a living, but you taught me that having a career could bring enrichment to my life. There was merit and value in what you did, and I began to see that my existence in this word was pointless at best. I respected you immensely because of that.

“You made me realize how I had taken advantage of my father's kindness and money. I went to him not long after we first parted ways and sought employment. I did not ask for special treatment, and I worked a shift with strict hours like everyone else. I did not want a position high up in his company, so I was put in to accounting. A month or so later, a position opened in security, and I was moved there. By chance that has become my calling. Like you, I had discovered a career I could enjoy and be proud of. I now have a position at a private security firm, but I can't say much more on that subject.

“There was a brief time when I was friendless, due to my own actions. I believe you remember the bruises on my face brought on by my own stupidity. You were the only person who cared for me, the only person who stayed with me. You pressed Epsom salt to my bruises, and massaged my shoulders. And then we made love. That was when I began to realize I was falling in love with you. It wasn't just the sex for me, Charlotte. I was arrogant enough to believe that you felt the same, simply because I was able to bring you pleasure in bed.

“Although it brought me pain at the time, your absolute honesty and criticism of my faults did me more good than harm. I realized that all my notions of pleasing a woman worthy of being pleased were completely wrong. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my life after you slapped me on the face and rightly so.

“Most importantly I thought also about my promiscuous past. I realized I had used many women simply for my pleasure. I finally understood how much hurt I had probably caused them, and I swore if it were under my control, I would never hurt another like I had before. I can understand why you were once so hesitant to believe that I had changed my ways, especially considering the circumstances of the beginning of our acquaintance. I can only ask that you believe my sincerity that since you there has been no other, not even Helena. I could never bring myself to sleep with someone when all I could think of was you.”

Here he paused and looked at Charlotte who was staring at him with a wide-eyed incredulous expression.

“Now I want to address the more weighty issue of the last time we were together…”

He became nervous again, and Charlotte saw that the paper in his hands began to rattle from his trembling. She reached out to still them.

“Would you like to sit?”

“Yes. ” He nodded with relief and sat next to her but far away enough that they weren't touching.

Charlotte could see that his letter was covered with strike marks. He had clearly been in a high state of agitation when he wrote it.

“It had been many months since I had last seen you, and we did not part on good terms. When I saw you standing by the window at Darcy's New Year's Eve party, I don't know what compelled me to talk to you that night. I never forgot how beautiful you looked that night. You had on a simple black dress, your hair was done up in a twist. I couldn't stay away, so I became determined to speak to you to set the record straight and to make things right between us.

“You didn't say much, but you were friendly towards me. I took that as a positive step. I invited you out with me afterwards because I thought perhaps if I spent a few more hours with you, I would muster up the courage to tell you how I felt about you still. We danced instead, and we drank, and laughed. I remember when you kissed me I felt elated. It was a wonderful feeling. I had wanted to feel your lips against mine for so long.

“Every fiber of my being wanted to be right there with you. I didn't want to let you go, especially not after such a welcoming reception on your part. Have you ever longed for someone so much that every moment with that person felt like the most splendid dream?”

Charlotte stood and walked several paces away from him. Richard watched her with interest. She chewed her bottom lip and paced back and forth, at one point she placed a trembling hand upon her chest. She walked back over to him and took the letter from his hands, folded it and handed it back to him.

“I've had enough of the letter,” she said. “I want you to tell me how you feel unrehearsed. We need to talk about last night.”

“Yes,” His jaw clenched nervously, and his eyes shifted between his hands and hers before he finally looked up at her. “Charlotte. I'm sorry. I'm so very, very sorry. I should never have said the things I did last night.” He grasped her hands. “I didn't know what to think …I confess I eavesdropped on your conversation with Lizzy the night before. I didn't hear the whole thing, and I creating assumptions from what I heard. I was so angry that I just couldn't help myself. Words came tumbling out of my mouth before I could check them…and I can't tell you how much I regret what I said to you.”

He saw tears fall from her face, and then she began to speak. “You had every right to be angry with me. My treatment of you has been despicable.”

“No, not at all… I have deserved every angry word from you. I deserved your censure.”

“You did not. I should have called you, I should have told you about the baby. I had no right to hide it from you.”

“But the things I said to you, Charlotte! I can never forgive myself.”

“You misunderstood. I was up all night thinking over our conversation, and I can easily see how your anger led you to such conclusions. I once thought you would have done the lowest things on earth as well to get what you wanted, especially after that time…”

Charlotte hesitated, she didn't want to drag up more painful memories of the past but they needed to get through this. “That time you tried to separate Lizzy from Darcy. I didn't want to think you were sincere about falling in love with me then. I was wrong about you…and I think I have begun to realize too late now that you are the best of men.

“I remember that same night, too. It felt different and you treated me differently. I've clearly never been good at relationships, and I've never been close to a man before emotionally. I wasn't sure what to think of your feelings when you confessed them. When I heard from Lizzy what you had done to her and Darcy, I was so angry that I couldn't take your feelings seriously.”

“And rightfully so. My behavior was unpardonable then.”

“But you clearly changed your ways and quickly sought forgiveness. Lizzy told me everything you did, especially the role you played in helping her and Darcy get back together.”

“That was nothing.” Richard never wanted any credit in the small roll he played in helping Lizzy and Darcy get back together.

“But it made a huge difference. They both say if you hadn't informed Darcy, they might never have gotten back together. Lizzy was too afraid to tell him, and Darcy was completely unaware she was in town. It was a very kind thing you did.”

“Really, it was nothing, I thought my cousin would want to know she was in town was all.” Richard spoke nervously.

“When you asked me for a second time for a chance at a relationship, I was caught completely off guard. I certainly didn't expect you to still have feelings for me. I wondered, why me? I didn't understand…”

“Why did you wonder that I wanted to see you again?”

Charlotte shrugged, “I never thought any man would find me interesting enough to date…let alone pretty enough. I thought all they wanted was a good lay.”

“Charlotte, how can you say such things?”

“I'm well aware that I'm rather plain and pretty dull.”

Richard blanched at her words. He looked at her in disbelief. “Charlotte, you never let your self confidence waiver before, and you are far from `plain and dull.' You're beautiful Charlotte, in every way.”

“Before I was an expert at hiding my true feelings, after everything I've been through I'm not so good anymore. But that was how I felt at the time, I was shocked that you wanted to still try and see me. I wasn't sure if a relationship was worth trying for, so I said no. Then you went away again, and I didn't think I would ever see you again.

“Lizzy kept me up to date with you, though. She told me things about you that made me realize that you were my ideal of a good man. I realized too late,” she continued softly, “that I had feelings for you—that I cared about you. It wasn't just about sex. Even with your temper, your arrogance, your stubbornness… I still care for you. Because underneath that is a man who is loyal, dedicated, compassionate, and I can only hope forgiving.”

Richards smile grew larger at her words. He knelt on the ground before her and outstretched his hand till his fingertips stroked the delicate skin of her pale cheek. His other hand clasped hers in her lap and covered both of them with a protective squeeze.

“You know, at the end of my letter, I was prepared to simply walk out of your life, if that was what you wanted. I still am, but it will be the most difficult thing that I'd ever have to do. All I need is one word from you, and you will silence me on the subject forever.”

“No, stay…please. Don't go.”

Richard practically beamed at her words, a small smile grew on Charlotte's lips as well.

“I want you to stay.”

He stood and pulled her up from the bench and wrapped his arms low around her back, pressing her against his body. Her hands slowly moved up his strong torso till he felt her small fingers on his neck. Charlotte stood on tiptoe, which brought her lips closer to his, but he was still much taller than she. He looked into her dark eyes brimming with unshed tears, and her lower lip quivered. He placed a large hand against her cheek and ran his thumb along her lips.

Richard lowered his head further till his lips were close enough to hers that she could feel his warm breath. “I want to kiss you, and once I do, I am never going to let you go. I am not going to let either of us simply walk out of each others lives and drift apart because of some stupid miscommunication, and I'm never going to give up as easily as I did before when it comes to winning your heart. On that I am adamant.”

“I won't ever run away from you again.”

“I forgive you, Charlotte, absolutely about everything in our past. But can you ever forgive me for all the horrible things I said to you?”

Charlotte nodded.

“Tell me,” he begged.

“I forgive you, Richard. I'll never let you go, either.”

He pressed her tighter to him and pressed his lips to her forehead. She felt his chest shake with sobs he was trying to hold in. Tears started to escape from Charlotte's eyes, and she reached up to wipe one that was falling down Richard's cheek.

“Won't you kiss me now?”

He lowered his head with a smile on his lips, and Charlotte tried to stand up taller to reach him. Finally with a mutual sigh, his lips met hers for the sweetest kiss. He pulled away and looked down at her face. Her eyes were closed and her lashes were still wet with tears. Her cheeks were a delicate shade of pink that almost matched the color of the blossom petals stuck in her hair, and her lips were pursed awaiting his kiss. He kissed her eyelids and then the tip of her nose before moving back to her lips. Between kisses they spoke words of sorrow and regret, apology and forgiveness.

Finally, Richard grasped the sides of her face and his dark blue eyes met hers, and he said resolutely, “I love you, Charlotte—now and always.”

Charlotte immediately pulled his head down for a searing kiss, and slowly their tongues began to meet. Their breathing became ragged, and they clutched each other's backs hungrily, wanting their bodies to be even closer.

He felt her body shake with tears, he simply held her closer to him and soothed her. “I'll never let you go, Charlotte. I'll never let you grieve alone again.”

Charlotte nodded, and he ran his hands up and down her back warming her and offering comfort. He felt her begin to cry again and he took his hand and tipped her chin up to face him.

“Please don't cry.” He kissed her softly. “I hate to see you in such pain.”

“I can't help it. My emotions are so mixed up right now. I'm so happy, but at the same time I still feel sad about everything in the past, about all the time we've wasted.”

“We have a lot more to discuss, but don't worry. Whatever it is, we'll be there for each other now.”

“You have no idea how comforting it is to know that.”

He simply held her. It was all he could do for now, but for Charlotte it was enough. There was still much they need to talk about and work out in their relationship, but this was the start of a new beginning for them.

=====

Lizzy and Darcy sat down to breakfast later that morning. Henry was in his booster chair, and Darcy was trying to teach him to cut his food. Lizzy looked up and saw Charlotte and Richard entering the room hand in hand, and her teacup paused in mid-air before it reached her lips. Darcy let go of Henry's hands and looked at his cousin and Charlotte in disbelief.

“Are we too late for breakfast?” Richard said jovially.

“Not at all,” Lizzy replied and asked them to pull up two chairs.

Richard held a chair out for Charlotte, and as soon as he sat beside, her he grasped her hand again.

Lizzy raised and eyebrow and addressed Charlotte. “I suppose you won't be needing a ride to Heathrow today, then?”

All eyes turned to Charlotte before she spoke. “No, thank you, Lizzy, but I think I would like to stay a bit longer. If you and Darcy would be so kind as to extend your hospitality, I would be incredibly grateful?”

“Absolutely!” Darcy replied. Henry started to clap his hands in delight, he was glad “Aunt Charwette” was going to stay, and even happier Uncle Richard was here for a visit as well.

“What will you have for breakfast?” Richard's thumb stroked Charlotte's hand tenderly.

“A full English breakfast and don't spare the blood pudding.”

Richard grinned widely and kissed her hand. He brought them back two plates heaping with food.

“All right everyone, tuck in.” Lizzy said with a smile.

Chapter 11

Charlotte called home to her mother immediately after breakfast. She informed her that she wouldn't be returning right away after all.

“But why, honey? Do you still have more work to do?”

“Not exactly. I've met someone, Mom…”

“Who? You're staying there for a relationship?”

“Well, we haven't exactly just met. We've known each other for years. His name is Richard.”

“It wouldn't be Richard Fitzwilliam, would it?” Her mother sounded hopeful, and Charlotte was surprised at her reaction.

“What? You know him?”

“Oh, not directly. Lizzy has told me about him. He's from England, and Lizzy said he is related to Darcy, so I just put two and two together. You've probably been thrown together quite a bit over there. And then he called around here not long after you moved to the west coast wondering if you were home. He left his name and number.”

“He did? Why did you never tell me?”

“He said only to give the message that he called if you asked after him, and you never did. And then I was going to tell you anyway, but it must have slipped my mind. You never called much back then though. He sounded like such a sweet young man…Is he as handsome as he sounds on the phone, Charlotte?”

Charlotte blushed. “Yes, I really think so.”

“So it's serious then? Serious enough to keep you over there?”

“Yes, Mom, I believe it is. I still have a few more months before my visa runs out, so I'll have to figure things out in the meantime.”

“I'm happy for you, honey.”

“Really? I thought you'd be upset? I know I've been slacking on my promise to visit again. I haven't since you since….since the funeral.”

“It's all right honey. I'm not upset with you, and you sound brighter than I've heard in years. I know you haven't had it easy with your illness and your father's sudden passing. But you deserve to be happy, and if this Richard fellow is the one to provide that for you, then I'll give him a big kiss when I meet him.”

Charlotte laughed, “I'll give him one for you.”

“Just promise you'll visit me and your brother and your niece when you have a chance.”

“I will, Mom, I promise.”

After they said their goodbyes, Richard came up and wrapped his arms around Charlotte from behind her. He ran a firm hand over her stomach and kissed her neck.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that to you.”

Charlotte smiled warmly and leaned into his embrace as he continued to kiss her. Before things became too heated, she turned and kissed him chastely on the cheek then stepped away.

“What was that for?”

“It's from my mother. She said if she ever met you, she'd give you a big kiss on the cheek. I told her I would do the honors.”

Richard grinned.

“She also told me you called once at our house not long after I moved to the west coast.”

Richard had no wish to deny it. “Yes, I did.”

“But you told my mom not to give me the message you called unless I spoke about you.”

“Yes. Call it my stubborn pride, but I didn't want you to feel obligated to call me unless you wanted to. You aren't angry I called, are you?”

“No, apparently my mom was quite taken with your accent, though,” Charlotte teased.

“Seems the Lucas women can't resist my charming, gentlemanly behavior.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes at him, but kissed him again, this time on the lips.

“Seems that way, doesn't it?”

“Charlotte…can I confess something else to you?”

“What?”

“I had a private investigator look into you about a month after you left.”

“You did? But why?”

“I hadn't heard a single word from you, and Lizzy wasn't willing to talk. All I wanted to know was if you were alive and well and perhaps happy.”

Charlotte looked down at her hands guiltily. “I'm so sorry I never called.”

“No, you had every reason not to want to pursue a relationship with me at the time. I never gave you real reason to believe I wanted you beyond sex.” He placed his hand gently on her neck, then stroked the soft skin of her cheek with his thumb. “I gave you words, but my actions spoke louder. This time I've learned from my mistakes. I want to date you. I want to take you out for dinner and movies. We'll go for walks in the countryside, spend afternoons reading, have picnics in the sun. There will be flowers and love letters…all the things you deserve, Charlotte. We can take things as slowly as you like—it's your call, but I promised to win your heart, and I won't fail on that promise.”

Charlotte felt as though she could swoon right in his arms. She felt all those clichéd butterflies in her stomach. After a few moments that were needed to gather her reason again, she finally spoke.

“I confess, I'm a little scared of rushing into a physical relationship again. I do want to take this time we have to really get to know each other, as we should have all along. I wish I wasn't so insecure about myself not to be able to take you at your word back then.”

Richard held her tighter and kissed her forehead. “Please don't blame yourself anymore, Charlotte.”

“Perhaps…perhaps we should wait a while before we sleep together again?” Charlotte looked at him nervously and hoped she wasn't disappointing him. She was met with a tender and understanding smile.

“Anything for you, Charlotte. I agree, and I want to get to know you better than I already do. I can wait for you because you're worth waiting for. Believe me, I'm an expert on this,” he winked.

“Oh, must you always bring up that little incident again. You know—the part where I made you wait four years before allowing you to date me.”

“Only if you promise not to bring up the part where it took me four years to become worthy of dating you.”

Charlotte leaned her head against his chest and laughed at their behavior.

“I like hearing you laugh. I'd almost forgotten how pretty that sound was.”

“I like yours as well. It's deep and rich, and it always manages to bring a smile to my face.”

The two sat together all afternoon at Pemberley simply talking of trivial things, laughing, stealing kisses, and holding hands. Lizzy and Darcy decided to take a trip in to Lambton with Henry to get a few more baby things and to give them privacy. They both knew that eventually their conversations would turn more serious and to darker subjects, but for now they needed the comfort of simply being together.

When the time was right, Charlotte would reveal everything to Richard about her illness and the baby. Right now, though, Charlotte leaned against Richard's chest, looking at their entwined fingers. She marveled at the size and feel of his large hand and how protected her small fingers felt enclosed by his.

“So how long exactly do you want to wait?” She turned and looked up at him with a wry smile on her lips.

“Hmm, well I'm not sure…I don't want to put and exact date on it, you know.” He scratched the back of his head with his free hand before he spoke again. “How about one month. We could wait at least that long and see where things go after.”

“One month, huh?” Charlotte poked his ribs, “I don't think you can hold out that long.”

“So what are you implying that you're going to try and seduce me? I dare you to try. I haven't had sex in three years, three full months, three weeks, five days…” He glanced at his watch. “And thirteen hours, to be precise.”

“Were we really each other's last?”

“You mean you haven't, either?”

“No, I haven't. I wonder if either of us could hold out now.” She laughed. “How exactly did you abstain for that long?”

Richard squirmed a little beneath her. “Well I would lie to my friends…even Darcy, so they wouldn't give me grief about how badly I needed to get laid.”

“And…”

“Okay, fine. I went through a lot of Kleenex and had a very high cable bill for…special channels…there was one in particular I really liked, staring Connie Corvallis. She played a college professor who seduced her students.”

“A professor of what?”

“…English.” He actually blushed. He was sure Charlotte figured out that he thought about her every time. Charlotte made a mental note to store all this information for later. They both decided to drop the conversation at that point. Waiting a month was going to be hell, but the reward would be so sweet.

=====

True to his word, Richard took Charlotte out on several dates and completely changed all her preconceived notions of relationships and romance. Spending time with Richard was like getting to know someone who was quickly becoming her new best friend. She almost felt as if they were teenagers in the fifties. He would pick her up from Pemberley, and they would drive into Lambton for dinner or go to the cinema. One afternoon, they rode bikes around the countryside, but the dates would always end with Richard leaving her at Pemberley again.

He would kiss her goodnight each time. At first their kisses were playful. Sometimes he would hold her to him and kiss her teasingly until she pulled him down to meet her lips for a firm kiss. As the month slowly moved on, their goodnight kisses became more demanding and less satisfying. Richard tired of leaving her and driving nearly forty minutes home after their dates. He didn't quite mind the drive—it was the simple fact that he was making the trip alone, then awaking each morning at the crack of dawn to catch a train to London. He couldn't keep up this schedule forever, but it was worth it to see Charlotte.

She absolutely brightened his day with a single smile, but he was beginning to long to wake up to those smiles as well. The end of their first month of dating was approaching and Richard wanted to casually broach the topic of having her stay over for the weekend over the phone one afternoon, but he was afraid of sounding too demanding.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he smiled into the phone.

“How are you, handsome?” Charlotte still couldn't help blushing every time he called her pretty. “How is work?”

“Work is good. I was in a meeting most of the morning.”

“What was it about?”

“The offer to move to Japan and the contract to head up operations in the new branch.”

“Oh, I see.” Charlotte tried not to sound so frightened as she awaited his response.

“Well, I thought about it, and as glorious as it all sounds…I turned them down.”

“You did?”

“Yes. The only reason I showed any initial interest in the transfer was because I felt there was something in my life that I was still looking for. But now, I realized I have everything I need right here.”

“Do you?”

“Well, yes except that she lives about forty-five minutes away, deep in the north of Derbyshire from my home there, and a couple hours away from my place in London…but it's close enough for me.”

“You must be exhausted with all this back and forth travel?”

“It's worth it, trust me.”

“Be honest, Richard, you're wearing yourself out.”

“Well I do wish you could stay with me, but I'm afraid of…” He paused a moment.

“Tell me what you are afraid of,” Charlotte spoke softly with a sympathetic voice.

“I'm afraid you might think I am trying to rush you.”

“Richard, please don't think that. I like the way things are going for us right now, and I don't feel like you're rushing me at all. We've had years to think about each other, and no matter what, I want to be with you—wherever you are. And if that means you want me to come see you in London, I will hop on the next train down there.”

“You don't have to do that, honey. Remember, I already said I would come up there this weekend.”

Charlotte smiled into the phone. “Do you keep a spare key for your cottage anywhere?”

“Under a lose brick near the back door, but the workmen should be there right now. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was thinking I owe you another dinner, since the first one was such a disaster…and perhaps I could have something warm waiting in the oven for you when you get back to Matlock.”

“That would be so nice. Maybe you could stay the weekend, I'll show you the area? It will be a lot of fun.”

“I'd like that.”

“Good, excellent. I will see you later tonight then?”

“Yes…oh, is there anything in particular you want for dinner?”

“What ever you decide to make will be amazing, I just know it. Just make yourself at home there, but mind the mess in the living room. The dinning room was just finished and the living room is next on the list.”

“You know I don't mind a mess at all.”

“Yet another thing to add to the list of things I love about you, Char.”

They quickly said their good byes and hung up, leaving Charlotte smiling for the rest of the afternoon as she made preparations to go to Richard's cottage for the weekend.

Richard was also grinning foolishly on the other end as they rang off. He was amazed and delighted at how easy it was to convince Charlotte to stay with him.

=====


Charlotte packed her weekend bag, and with clear directions on how to get to his little cottage from Richard, she borrowed a car from Lizzy and headed towards his place. After a stop at the market, she was all set for a late dinner with Richard. She let herself in, set her bag in the hall, and then went to the kitchen to start work on the dessert.

Richard arrived home late, and as soon as he neared his front door he could smell the scent from a mixture of different foods wafting from his kitchen. He went inside and called out for Charlotte. She yelled hello from the kitchen and came out to greet him. She had on one of his grill master aprons, which was a few sizes too big, covering her almost like a lab coat, and she had a bit of flour smudged on her check.

Charlotte kissed him quickly on the lips, and when he tried to follow her into the kitchen, she shooed him out into the living room. She had pulled drop clothes off of two wing back chairs and a small side table for them to use that evening for after dinner. She reached up and started to unknot his tie, then gently pushed him back into an armchair and pulled over an ottoman for him. A bell went off in the kitchen, she kissed him on the cheek and scurried off quickly. It was the best welcome home Richard had had in a long time, perhaps ever.

Charlotte came back a few moments later and brought him a light snack of mushrooms stuffed with minced onion, peppers, garlic, and cheeses, drizzled in a wine sauce. Then she disappeared again into the kitchen. He stuffed one of the mushrooms into his mouth, and his eyes nearly rolled back into his head as the warm, tasty treat melted on his tongue.

She had everything ready and ran to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. She changed quickly into a plum colored wrap dress and did her best to tidy her hair with bobby pins.

When she returned to the kitchen she caught Richard peaking under the dishes to see what she had made.

“Get your hands out of there!” She went over to him and playfully smacked his arm.

“Charlotte, this smells incredible. How on earth did you learn to cook like this?”

“Well, I had a lot of time alone these past years, and I really wanted to learn how to cook healthy. So I took a few classes, threw a few dinner parties for friends. I discovered I really enjoyed watching people taste my dishes, and I like cooking…as long as someone else cleans up.”

“I promise to wash every dish.” Richard remembered Darcy's earlier advice.

“You're so romantic,” Charlotte teased and kissed his cheek. “Now help me bring these into the dinning room.”

When Charlotte brought the last dish in, Richard had just dimmed the lights. He produced a set of lit candles from his sideboard and set them neatly on the table, creating a soft glowing atmosphere for them.

Charlotte prepared a field green salad tossed with pears, gorgonzola cheese and a light lemon vinaigrette, side dishes of angel hair pasta salad with sundried tomatoes and steamed vegetables, and as the main dish, a salmon filet with a marinade of soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, brown sugar, garlic, chopped green onions, and peppers. It sounded like a strange mixture for a marinade, but mixed together, it was sweet, tangy, and spicy at the same time.

By the time Charlotte brought out a dessert of apple halves baked with butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, and centered with a paste of mixed nuts and drizzled caramel, Richard felt like he had gone to food heaven and back again. Charlotte felt it was okay to treat yourself every once in a while with a sweet dessert, and apples were her favorite. She quickly discovered Richard loved it as well.

“Charlotte,” he said as he placed his napkin on the table and slouched back in his chair, “you're going to spoil me to death with this food. Either that, or I'll fatten up rather nicely.”

“I have every intention of spoiling you. I'm tired of cooking for one, anyway. Now all I need to learn is how to make an English breakfast, and I'd say I'm set.”

Richard reached for her hand and clasped it lightly in his. He stood and kissed her sweetly on the lips before he remembered his promise to clean up for her.

When everything was done, they sat in the living room together in front of the fire. Charlotte now wished that she pulled the drop cloth from the sofa instead of the separate chairs, but Richard seemed to anticipate her wishes by asking shyly after a period of sitting apart if she would like to join him in his chair. Charlotte didn't hesitate at all.

She snuggled into his lap. One of his strong arms went around her back, and the other caressed her legs as she idly played with one of his shirt buttons.

“Richard,” she said his name in a soft and uneasy voice, “I sometimes wonder why you are so hesitant around me.”

Richard's hands stopped stroking her knee, and he looked into her eyes. He was unsure of how to respond. He then stared ahead into the fire until he felt Charlotte's hand touch his rough cheek and turned his head until his eyes met hers again.

“I told you earlier on the phone and the very first day we decided to put our pasts behind us that I wouldn't run from you.”

“I know. I know you won't…but part of me still has this irrational fear that if I push you too hard, you might back away again.”

“If I think you're pushing me too hard, I will let you know. I expect you to do the same, but I won't back away from you.” Her fingers entwined with his. “I promise.”

“Do you think that I don't trust you?”

“No, no, not at all. I understand how you feel about us being a couple. I think no matter how much we want to be together there is going to be some hesitancy. But we have time, and I want this, Richard. I want this to work.”

“I do, too, Charlotte, more than anything.”

“So tell me what you were so afraid of earlier?”

“Well it's a combination of things…”

“What's part of it?”

“I was worried about asking you over for a few reasons. First, because I was afraid you would think I was moving to fast to ask you to stay the weekend, and second but most importantly, how in the world am I going to keep my hands off of you?” he said as he began to move his hand from her knee towards her thigh.

Charlotte wrapped her hands around his neck and played with a bit of his hair which had grown a little longer than usual.

“What makes you think I want you to keep your hands off of me?”

“Because we promised we would wait.” Richard sighed and pressed his head against the back of the chair.

“We actually don't have that much longer to wait,” a playful grin spread across Charlotte's lips, “and there are other ways to be intimate besides sex.”

Richard returned her grin. His curiosity was piqued. “Such as?”

“Oh, I don't know…We could talk for hours, late into the night.”

“And?”

“…and then we could simply lie together and hold each other till we fall asleep.”

Richard thought about it, smiled at her warmly, and then kissed her nose. “That sounds like a perfect night.” He shifted Charlotte off of his lap and stood, than he took her hand and led her to the stairs. He saw she left her bag in the hall and grabbed the handles with his free hand. He took her to his room. Charlotte will not be staying alone in one of the guest rooms, he thought, ever.

That master bedroom was not enormous like any of the rooms at Pemberley, but it was spacious enough. Charlotte thought it was rather cozy. The room was very masculine and obviously needed a woman's touch, but it was filled with his favorite personal possessions. Photographs, a framed and signed Manchester United jersey was on one wall, a cricket bat sat in one corner, a framed Rothko reproduction hung above the modern styled bed that wasn't made, a few articles of clothing were strewn across the floor, and his night stand had an old stack of magazine on it topped with a dirty dish or two.

Richard blushed a little in embarrassment and started to pick up some things off the floor. Charlotte grabbed them from his hands and tossed them right back down where they came from.

“I said I didn't like to clean dishes…Well, that goes for the rest of the house, too. I only keep things tidied-up a bit, but never spotless.”

Richard grinned, “Yea, I'm not a neat freak as you can tell.”

“Good, because I couldn't stand it if you were.”

Richard set her bag down on the armchair near one of the windows. He went into the bathroom to change in to his night things while Charlotte quickly changed in the bedroom. When she was finished she peered over some of the photographs. There was one of Richard with Henry hanging off his back, and another with his other niece and nephew, and a third with all three of them wrestling with him. There were more formal photographs with his parents and elder brother and a few of him and Darcy at a football game. But there were none of him with other women besides his relatives, except for one that was tucked into the corner of his dresser mirror. Charlotte looked at it in disbelief. It was an older photograph of her and Richard. There were empty pint glasses on the table in front of them, his arm was draped casually over the back of the bar booth, and his hand almost touched her shoulder. He was grinning down at her, and she had a half-lipped smile at the camera. Charlotte tried to remember when it was taken. She pulled it from the mirror and looked closer when she felt Richard's arms around her.

“Lizzy had someone take that the first night we met at that pub down in Chelsea, remember? I went back there a few years later and it was closed down. She and Darcy were in it as well, but I had it cropped.”

She remembered perfectly now and turned to him and said playfully. “You were looking down my top.”

“Was not.”

“Were too, right there…See, your eyes are looking right in that direction. You were caught red handed on camera.”

Richard laughed defeated. “So sue me, I like your breasts. I liked them the first time I saw your perky pair in that little top you were wearing.”

“And the rest of me?”

“Huh?” He was starting at her breasts again.

Charlotte punched his arm lightly. “There are some things that haven't changed, I see,” she teased. Richard quickly scooped her up into his arms and lifted her off the floor.

“Admit you gave me a nice long look over too the first time you saw me.”

“I did nothing of the sort and I will admit to nothing.”

“Oh, yes, you will. I remember. Your dark eyes looked me over head to toe and stopped some where in the middle.”

“I think you're making that up. How can you remember something like that anyway?” Charlotte huffed, then sighed. “Okay fine, I remember I did look at your bunchage. You had those damn sexy jeans on, and I wondered if you would be good in bed.”

“My what?…Bunchage?”

“You know—package, bulge. You were nicely on display by the weathered ribbing on your jeans. They fit perfectly. I love a man in a nice pair of well fitting jeans”

“My wicked Charlotte.” He smiled as he lowered her for a kiss.

“So much for an evening of innocent pleasures,” Charlotte laughed.

Richard set her down and began to pace the room. Charlotte went and sat on the bed and Richard stopped in front of her and looked into her eyes. “I'm sorry, Charlotte. I didn't mean to be so suggestive and egg you on like that. I'm so sorry. You must think that I would still treat you the way I did before.”

Charlotte reached up and grabbed his hands and guided him to sit next to her on the bed. “Richard, stop. Look at me. Did I ever tell you that you made me uncomfortable before when we slept together?”

“No.”

“I don't mind when you get suggestive with me, I like it…and I know you do, too.”

“But I want to show you that I really care. I want to treat you the way a lover should. I wasn't so good at showing you that before. I just…I feel that I'm not quite familiar with what that is sometimes.”

“Neither am I, but we can teach each other perhaps?”

“You know one of the reasons I love you so much, Char?”

“Why?”

“Because when I get worked up, you remain calm and rational. You always balance me.”

Charlotte smiled. “You can get a bit hyper sometimes.”

“I was that way as a child.”

“Tell me another reason why you love me.”

“Well, you're smarter than I am, and interesting, and so very pretty. I love your soft brown doey-eyes and your silky black hair, the way you smell, and when you get very nervous, you sit very still but your fingers fidget. But when you're excited your whole body shows it.”

At that point, Charlotte lay down on the bed with a contented smile on her face, and Richard leaned back and joined her. He pushed a wisp of hair from her forehead.

“And I love you most of all because you love me and you care about me, and that means so much.”

“I think you're doing a perfect job as a lover already.” Charlotte squeezed his hand resting on the bed between them.

“Now it's your turn.”

“Hmm.” She tapped her chin with her index finger and pretended to think long and hard on the topic.

“Oh, come on, Charlotte. Is it that difficult?” He laughed and attempted to tickle her.

Charlotte wasn't able to move away fast enough, and he tickled her side, sending her laughing hysterically and trying to get away from him. He proved too strong though, and she found herself on top of him instead. Finally he ceased as he looked into her dark eyes. Charlotte smirked and leaned down to kiss him.

“That was very cruel of you.”

“It was cruel for you to leave me in such suspense,” he countered.

“Well, if you must know…it's because you can do that to me. You can make me smile and laugh. I need more laughter in my life.” She leaned the palms of her hands against his chest and rested her chin on her hands. “You're always so optimistic, aren't you? You had faith in me when I thought there was no hope.”

“Charlotte, I've always believed that you are inherently a noble person. You have convictions and a strong sense honor. Even though it hurt, I knew you had to have your reasons for not wanting to be with me, but now I just want to hear you tell me why you want to be with me. My ego needs a bit of stroking.”

“I will happily do that for you.” Charlotte smiled as his arms tightened around her, and he shifted them so that she lay beside him, but their bodies were still pressed together. “As I was saying, you never stopped believe in me. You are a very determined, and sometimes I wonder how I deserved someone as faithful as you.”

Richard pressed her harder against him. “Charlotte, why do you feel you don't deserve someone who is faithful and dedicated to you?”

He could hear her gulp. She seemed to tense in his arms. “I've never been in a relationship before?”

“Never?”

“Never.”

“Not even for a few months?”

“No. So you can see….this isn't exactly easy for me to vocalize these indescribable feelings I have for you.”

“I don't understand how it is possible for someone as wonderful as you are to have always been single.”

“Well, I just never met anyone I thought worthy of dating, till now.” Charlotte decided she needed to explain her history with men and relationships. Perhaps it would help him understand why she was so inexperienced in the relationship department. So she told him everything—everything about the harassment as a teenager, the young men in college who were too intimidated by her to take her out on a date, and then the string of casual sex.

“At first I was naïve enough to believe that if I slept with a man he would want to go out with me. After about two attempts at that, I decided two could play at their game. I never wanted to give anyone a chance because I figured it was the easiest way to make sure I never got hurt. If I can't let anyone close, how can my feelings get hurt?”

“Charlotte, it's almost scary, despite our differences, how alike you and I are.”

“I guess we're both a little out of our element, then.”

“Yes, but change is good. The right person will make you want to change.”

“You made me want to achieve something better in life than just floating through and never letting anyone in. Although it's strange, I feel certain about something for the first time in my life. I feel happy—like there is this constant warmth inside of me. And it feels even better when I see you or when I think about you.” Charlotte pressed her head against Richard's chest. “I feel safe with you. I feel that you'll always understand me.”

Richard pressed his lips to her hair. They did end up staying up late talking, kissing, and simply relishing in the feeling of being with each other. True to their promise, neither tried to progress their intimacy beyond some passionate kisses and touches. Richard felt it was enough. He was elated when Charlotte fell asleep in his arms, and when he awoke just before dawn broke she was still there curled into his body, sleeping peacefully.

Chapter 12

Charlotte woke an hour later and stretched slowly. Her body turned in Richard's warm embrace. He was breathing heavily, and his face was relaxed in slumber. She took her hand and gently laid it upon the light growth of his beard, feeling its coarseness. A loud snore came from his lips, and Charlotte tried not to laugh. Richard always swore he never snored.

She kissed one of her fingers and placed it upon his lips. He looked so wonderful at that moment. His hair was flatted on one side of his head, the other side was sticking out in all directions. His eyes were shut softly and every bit of him seemed relaxed and youthful. She looked down at the strong muscles of his arm, draped over her waist lazily, and admired each contour.

How could I be so lucky to be with a man like him? she wondered. Charlotte felt the urge to kiss him, so she leaned closer to his lips and placed the softest kiss upon them. She felt his warm breath against her skin, and she whispered against his lips so softly that her words were barely audible, “I love you, Richard Owen Fitzwilliam.”

Richard awoke with a start when she kissed him again and looked upon Charlotte with a lazy smile, which she returned.

“Good morning, handsome.”

“Good morning, lovely.” He leaned down for another kiss. “I could have sworn I heard your voice in my dreams,” he said, holding her closer as he stroked her back.

Charlotte fidgeted with a wrinkle in the fabric of his t-shirt and tucked her face against his chest. “It wasn't a dream.”

“Oh, it wasn't?” He looked confused.

“No…”

“Could you tell me again then what was it that I heard, if it wasn't a dream?”

Her fingers moved around his neck and tangled in his hair. He turned his head at her gentle request, and she whispered softly in his ear.

“I said, I love you.” She felt him tense, so she continued. “I love you, Richard Owen Fitzwilliam—truly, desperately love you with all my heart.”

Richard moved so that she was beneath him, and he was looking down upon her. His eyes were shining like glass in the morning light. Charlotte felt a single drop of moisture hit her cheek. It was not her own tear that she felt. She looked up into his eyes again and saw another tear begin to fall. He swallowed loudly, his throat constricted, and no words escaped.

His eyes flickered between disbelief and wonder and then finally adoration and love. Charlotte suddenly felt herself unable to contain the sob that left her lips. Before another escaped, the gentle pressure of his kiss silenced her. Charlotte instantly returned his kiss, and deepened it with strangled sighs, and suppressed sobs.

His hands roamed over her body, each of them trying to hold the other as close as possible. She found the edge of his grey t-shirt and started to run her hands up his back, pulling his shirt along with her. It was quickly tossed aside, and Charlotte ran her hands over his chest, relishing in the feel of the firmness of his muscles as they contracted beneath her fingertips.

Her top was just as quickly discarded and the rough pads of Richard's fingers started at her neck then moved along her collarbones. His lips followed everywhere his hands had been. Her eyes closed in the absolute bliss of his touch. When she felt his lips near her breasts, she looked down at him. His eyes were intent and reverent as he watched his fingers graze over her nipple, then he took one between his index finger and thumb and gently massaged the small bud. His lips lowered to her other breast, and just as he pulled the nipple into his mouth and began to suckle, his eyes locked on hers.

Charlotte watched his tongue trace a circle around her breast, and then her nipple was again enclosed in his mouth. Her back arched and moans escaped her lips, but her eyes never left his. When her body began to writhe beneath him, she twisted herself in such a way that she was able to rub her thigh against his manhood, and she was pleased to feel how hard he was. He groaned and closed his eyes as a look of exquisite torture crossed his features.

Richard's hands worked on the drawstrings of her pajama bottoms, and he felt hers slip beneath his waistband as she stroked his buttocks. She pushed him closer against her, and he let out a strangled groan. Richard swept his arms around her back pulling her in for a passionate kiss. When he released her, her neck swept to the side seductively, and her entire body was limp. He pulled her bottoms down triumphantly and looked down upon his Charlotte. She was a feast for his eyes and body that had been starved of sex for so long.

He ran his hands reverently over her breasts and down her stomach. Her body had hardly changed over the years. Her breasts were very much as he remembered them but perhaps a little bit fuller. Richard's eyes looked longingly at her stomach. He frowned where he saw the faint lines of stretch marks along her side that were never there before. He stroked them with the backs of his fingers but said not a word.

Charlotte seemed to understand his silent message. She bit her lip and closed her eyes as she turned her head away from him. His hands left her stomach immediately, and she felt one upon her cheek. He turned her face back towards him and kissed her.

“I love you,” he said against her lips. “You and only you, Charlotte.”

Charlotte pulled him down against her. “Please, Richard, I want us to make love. Please.”

His boxers were kicked off, and he reached silently into his nightstand for a condom. He had learned his lesson the last time from having unprotected sex, but mostly he thought of protecting Charlotte from another pregnancy. He opened the little package and Charlotte's small fingers stilled him. Her hands covered his, and she took the condom and placed it over the tip of his manhood. As she rolled it down his length sensuously, Richard's breathing hitched, his chin tucked to his chest as he tried to control himself.

“Charlotte,” he nearly croaked, “I won't be able to last long. I don't… I don't want to disappoint you.”

She held the sides of his face as they lowered together against the mattress. Soon he was settled between her thighs. “Richard, you'll only ever be wonderful in my eyes.”

He kissed her longingly as his hands held her hips closer to him till Charlotte placed a hand between them and began to guide him to her. With a kiss and shared sigh, their bodies finally joined.

Charlotte's vision blurred with pleasure. The feeling of Richard's slow thrusts caused quiet whimpers to escape from her lips.

Richard pressed his forehead against hers and whispered sweet words of love and adoration into her ear. She moaned low against his neck, and he felt his blood stir even deeper, and he pushed into her a little harder. He felt his control beginning to slip and the urge to thrust even faster was almost overwhelming. Despite that feeling, he wanted their first time together as a couple to be memorable, and so their lovemaking wasn't the unrestrained, wild sex of their past. Instead, it was slow, passionate, and real. For the first time, Charlotte felt Richard express physically the full extent of his love. Her body shivered with desire for him and the need to return it.

Her shoulders rose from the bed, and she kissed him fiercely. She felt her body becoming warmer with each of his strokes. Suddenly, she felt Richards fingers slip between her sex and seek out her clitoris. He rubbed her eagerly, and she gasped as she felt her orgasm begin to build. When Charlotte ran her teeth down his neck and raised her hips to meet him, Richard's resolve finally crumbled. He grabbed her hips and pushed into her deeply once and then again.

“Oh, God,” he cried in frustration and tried to slow himself. He grabbed a handful of the bed sheets, and his breath hissed between his teeth. The feeling was too much. “Charlotte…I'm…I can't…”

“Just let go, Richard. Please just let go,” she said soothingly as she ran her hands down his back. He thrust twice more, then his body stiffened, and with a loud groan, he came. His tired body slumped over hers, and Charlotte guided him to lie against her.

Richard's head rested just above her breasts as he regained his senses. He felt Charlotte's fingers running through his hair massaging his scalp. When his breathing slowed, he lifted his head and kissed her shoulder.

“Am I too heavy for you?”

“No, don't move. This feels nice.” She kissed his temple.

Richard turned and looked her in the eye now. “I'm sorry, Charlotte. I couldn't last long enough.”

Charlotte grinned as she smoothed out Richard's messy hair. “So maybe it wasn't perfect. So what. You know what though?”

“What?”

“I still love you.”

Richard cracked a toothy grin as she said those words. “Truly?”

“Truly.”

“I love you too, Char.”

Richard moved to the side and gathered Charlotte to him. She traced a line down his chest lazily.

“Besides Richard, I remember very…very well,” she punctuated her point by walking her fingers back up his chest, “just how capable you are in the bedroom, so don't for a second worry about feeling sorry. You have all weekend to make it up to me.”

Charlotte felt his chest shake slightly with laughter beneath her, and she looked up at his smile that hadn't left his face. She had never seen him smile so much before.

“You know, we didn't wait a full month like we promised after all.”

“I suppose we could let those mere forty-eight hours slide,” Charlotte responded as she waved her hand casually to the side as if she were striking their promise from the record.

“It's Saturday morning. I don't have to be in `til Tuesday because I took an extra day off, so that gives us a nice long weekend, doesn't it?” Richard turned to his side and gathered Charlotte beneath him.

“Yes, it does.”

“And I suppose there's no time like the present to remind you why you think I'm so irresistible.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes at him playfully. “Do your worst, Richard. Do your worst.”

“Oh no, my dear, I intend to do only my very best from here on out.”

And so he did. The second time was definitely better, but after a snack and a catnap, the third time around that morning left Charlotte absolutely spent. Her skin was slick with perspiration, and her cheeks were flushed. Her body trembled still with the lingering affects of the orgasms Richard had given her. She clung to him as he massaged her shoulders then moved to her lower back.

He listened happily to the soft sounds she made as his strong hands moved over her aching muscles. It almost reminded him of the purring of a content cat. Soon her eyes began to droop, and her breathing became steady and even. She burrowed her face deeper in the crook of his shoulder. She trembled one last time beneath his hands, and after a period of silence, he saw she had drifted off to sleep. Richard brought his blanket up and placed it snuggly around them. One of Charlotte legs wrapped around his waist, and they both settled in for a long afternoon nap.

Before he fell asleep, he smiled as he thought, so, this is what being in love is like.

=====

Charlotte awoke, and it was early afternoon. She stretched and moved her leg over Richard's torso, remembering the events of earlier that morning. She sat up in bed and stretched again and looked down at the slight tenting of the bed sheet. Charlotte grinned wickedly then chewed on her bottom lip. She was deciding if she should she dare to wake him. When she heard his stomach grumble, she had her answer. The desire to keep Richard's stomach full and content, as well as her own, was a slightly higher priority at that moment. She slipped quietly from the bed, grabbed his dressing robe from the closet door, and made her way down to the kitchen.

Richard turned to the side to place his arm around Charlotte, but he was met with a cool empty bedside. He sat up and rubbed his tired eyes and looked around groggily. He smelled the air once and then again. It was filled with the scent of spices and good food. He smiled at Charlotte's thoughtfulness, and he jumped from the bed, grabbed his discarded pajamas and hurried down to the kitchen.

When he heard singing in his hall, he crept to the doorway slowly. Charlotte was standing in the kitchen singing along to “A Fine Romance,” by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong*. He grinned as he watched her sexy hips shimmy and sway beneath his robe.

“As cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes, am I?”

Charlotte turned around startled but smiled at the sight of Richard, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a lopsided smile on his lips.

“Come dance with me,” she said as she crossed the room and grabbed his hands. Richard eagerly joined her and took delight in her laughter, as he spun her and dipped her playfully.

“Yes, indeed a fine romance, my dear duchess,” he laughed.

“I love the old jazz and blues singers. They're so timeless.”

“I've never really listened to them before, I guess. I mean, I've been to jazz clubs, but there weren't singers the times I went.” Richard smiled at her enthusiasm but then sniffed the air again. “What smells so incredible?”

“Quiche.” She opened the oven door to show him. “With some of yesterday's leftover veggies cooked in it. I was going to bake a pie yesterday, but decided to save the crust for this.”

Another song came on the stereo, and Charlotte turned to get a few dishes down for their meal. He watched her foot tap to the beat and her shoulders sway.

“You really do love these old singers, huh?”

“They sing straight to my soul.” She smiled over her shoulder at him.

“Come dance with me again.” Richard held his hand out, and Charlotte was quickly swept into his arms.

“Listen to the lyrics of this one. `Let's build a stairway to the stars^ and climb that stairway to the stars. With love besides us to fill the night with a song. We'll hear the sound of violins, out yonder where the blue begins, the moon will guide us as we go drifting along,'” Charlotte sang sweetly along.

“Hmm, it is…`heaven to climb to heaven with you,'” Richard said seductively.

“That is what it feels like, doesn't it?”

“Yeah,” Richard replied with a slow nod. “It really does.”

=====


They both decided to call off the sightseeing for another weekend and only left the cottage for a short trip into town to stock up more food and a surplus of condoms.

On Tuesday morning, Richard was up extra early to catch a train for London and back to his job. He felt like he was stepping out of a fantasy and returning to reality. The feeling made his heart heavy, and he wondered if it were possible for them to keep the indescribable love and passion they shared for each other from fading.

Charlotte knew he was leaving at 4 a.m. to drive to the station, and she told Richard to wake her. He tried only for a second, but when she groaned and pulled the blankets tighter around herself, he stood back and watched her with an amused smirk. She was so small bundled up in his blankets in the middle of his large bed, and she was so tempting that he wanted to just crawl back into bed with her. He sighed heavily and shook his head. He had to go to work. Richard leaned over and kissed Charlotte softly on her cheek then placed an envelope on the nightstand propped carefully against the base of the lamp along with a spare set of keys so she could stop by whenever she liked.

He set the alarm for 8:30. He would wait till 8:45 before calling to see if she read his letter.

=====

Charlotte awoke to the alarm. She hit the snooze button and fell right back asleep. When her phone started ringing fifteen minutes later. she grumbled as she got out of bed and made her way across the room to grab it from her purse.

“Hello?” she said sleepily.

“Good morning, sexy,” a chipper Richard said on the other end.

“Richard, do you have any idea what time it is?” Charlotte yawned.

“8:45 in the morning, sleepyhead.”

“Oh, it felt like it was earlier than that.” She crawled back on the bed and curled under the covers.

“Well, I did keep you up late last night.”

“Yes, last night. You were incredible, Richard.”

Even though Charlotte couldn't see it, Richard's cheeks blushed bright red from her compliment. “Thank you, but so were you, love.”

There was a brief period of silence on the line because they were each smiling too much to talk.

Finally, Richard remembered the reason why he had called. “Did you get my letter?”

“No, what letter.”

“Look on the nightstand.”

Charlotte rolled to her side and pulled the envelope off the nightstand. She pulled out the letter written in slightly messy blue ink.

Dear Charlotte,

I am writing you this brief note because I cannot stand to be without you all week. I am leaving a train ticket in your name at the will call kiosk at the station in Matlock. There is a train at noon that will take you to Derby and from there you can transfer to London, where I can meet you, hopefully, in time for dinner. I'm sure Lizzy wouldn't mind if you came to London for a week. There is so much I want to show you and so much I want us to do together. I have left you keys as well. One key is for the cottage, the other is for my flat in Windsor.

Imagine, if you can, at this point in the letter I am on my knees begging for you to come. This weekend was like a dream to me, and the thought of having to sleep alone again with you being so far away is a reality I do not want to face. Please say you will come. I promise to have you back at Pemberley by the weekend.

I miss you already.

Love, Richard

Charlotte grinned as she read the ending. “Of course, I'll come.” She leapt from the bed and started to gather her things.

“Really?”

“Yes, I miss you already, too. I just need to go back to Pemberley and get some more clothes.”

“If I had my way you wouldn't need any clothes at all.”

“Mmm… feisty, I like that.”

“But I promise to be a gentleman and take you out for a night on the town, so I suppose some evening clothes would be appropriate.”

“Well, I only have the clothes I wore to your parents.”

“That's fine. You looked beautiful that night you always do.”

“I better hurry up and get going then.”

“If you miss the noon train, that's all right, there's always another one.”

“Yes, but the sooner I get to the station, the sooner I get to see you again.”

A wide smile spread across Richards face at her words.

By noon Charlotte was on a train to Derby. After a few phone calls to make sure she was on the correct line, she arrived in London and was swept into Richard's arms as soon as she arrived. He took her bags from her and escorted her to his waiting taxi.

Richard's flat, just outside of central London, was more modern than the cottage at Matlock, but it lacked the homey charm. It was an average size unit, more than enough for one person, though. The furnishings were masculine and plain. Charlotte could tell that Richard put more of his heart and soul into the run-down cottage out in the middle of nowhere than in his posh flat. The kitchen, dining and living rooms were all in one large open area, and the bedrooms and bath were down a short corridor. The best part was that living room had large window with a view of the lovely garden that only tenants in that square had access to.

Charlotte looked from the west-facing window over the tree tops. She should have been able to view the setting sun like she could out in the country, but there were other buildings blocking the view, and the noise of traffic and people going about their business disturbed the calm. She had spent far too long in the solitude of the country and wasn't used to the bustle of city noises anymore.

Richard came up behind her and wrapped his arms about her waist. He kissed her neck then rested his head on her shoulder.

“It's a lovely garden,” she commented

“I want to have one like this at the cottage. A few flower beds here and there.”

“At my apartment near the university, I didn't have land for gardens. And the grounds were so plain, I had my windows and balcony covered in hanging baskets and boxes. The flowers grew so well, I always had a fresh bouquet in the dining room.”

“I confess I don't have a green thumb of any sort, so I'll probably have to hire a gardener.”

“Nonsense. My dad was an orchard farmer, and my mom ran the hot houses where we sold annuals and perennials. I know plenty about gardening.”

“Charlotte, you never cease to surprise me. Just when I think I've learned a ton about you, there's always something new for me to discover.”

“Well, it was no surprise to me that you don't have a green thumb.”

“And why is that?” Richard sensed a tease in her voice.

“Well first off, and don't take this the wrong way, but you really are horrible at all things domestic.”

“But I'm trying, I really am.”

“And two, your spider plant is practically dead, and those things are nearly impossible to kill.”

Richard groaned in defeat.

“Come here. Move it by the window.” Charlotte took his hand. He lifted the heavy pot and stand and brought it over to the window. She felt in the soil, and it was dry and cracking. “When was the last time you watered the poor thing?”

Richard shrugged, and Charlotte ordered him to water the plant.

“You know, Richard, it's a good thing you don't have ki…” Her voice started off sounding like a tease but quickly trailed off.

Richard looked at her expectantly, and Charlotte frowned and turned away from him and back to the plant. Her hands busily started removing dead leaves. He silently went over to the plant with the water and set it aside. He stilled her hands and gently placed one of his upon her cheek and turned her to face him. Her eyes were watery, but she was forcing herself not to cry. He could tell by the way she was trembling she was trying to keep things bottled up. He hugged her tightly, and eventually, he felt her relax in his arms.

“Look,” Charlotte pointed to a small patch of green shoots surrounded by dead ones. “There's still hope yet. We should separate one out, and put it in water. The plant is very resilient and it will grow it's own roots again.”

“Charlotte, unless you're making some sort of metaphor right now, I really don't think we should be talking about the plant.”

She nodded silently as he tried to move to the sofa.

Charlotte shook her head. “I'm sorry. I was about to say something I shouldn't have, that's all.”

“That's all?”

“Yes, that's all.” Charlotte kissed him on the cheek and went back to the plant. Richard sighed silently as he watched her delicate fingers move through the leaves and remove the dead ones before she watered it.


=====


That night Richard treated her to a lovely evening out to dinner and a new avant-garde play that was receiving rave reviews. When they got back to Richard's flat, they were both a little tipsy and playful. Charlotte had a devilish look in her eyes as she grabbed Richard by his tie and led him into the bedroom. She pulled a chair from the corner and pushed him down to sit as she pulled off his jacket and shirt and started to undo his pants. Richard eagerly helped her until he was down to his boxers.

“Charlotte, you're not keeping up with me. You have too many clothes on.”

“Don't you worry about that. Just sit there and relax,” she replied as she stroked her hands over his thighs.

She got up and pulled a cd out of her bagsand put it in his stereo, then walked into his closet. She returned with a handful of ties and lowered herself on her knees before him. Over the weekend, their lovemaking had slowly become more erotic. She remembered how much pleasure it brought Richard to play games in the bedroom in the past, and she wanted to do something to please him. She thought now was the right time to test those waters again.

“Char, what are you doing?”

“You'll see.” She took his right ankle and tied it to the leg of the chair and then his left. She slowly slipped her way up his body occasionally teasing his skin with a kiss as she tied his wrists to the arms of the chair as well. She could see he was quickly getting aroused.

She pulled a freestanding mirror over in front of him. She picked up the remote to the stereo and switched on her cd, then turned to face him. The opening sounds of an echoing guitar solo, and a shuffle drum beat filled the room as Chris Isaak's “Wicked Games”^^ played on the stereo.

Charlotte started to sway her hips slowly to the sensual music and began to unbutton her top.

“I believe you remember Ms. Lucas?”

“Yes, I was very well acquainted with her at one time.”

Charlotte slipped one arm out of her shirt and then another until she was only in a sexy lacy see through bra. She was about to remove her skirt, but when she saw Richard's eyes darken further, she decided to tease him for a while. She hiked it up a little and showed him the lacy tops of her stockings as she continued to sway her hips and shoulders sensously to the beat.

“Do you like what you see?”

“Very much.”

She turned and bent over for him as she undid the strap of one of her shoes. She could see him in the mirror struggling to free his hands to reach out and touch her ass. She slipped the skirt up a little higher for him and gave him a view of the scalloped lacy edges of her panties, and she saw his boxers tenting even more in response. She stood again and slipped out of her shoes and let the skirt drop to the floor. She reached behind her and unhooked her bra and let that fall with her skirt. She stepped closer to him and ran her fingers through her hair as she began to twist her hips in a circle as the lyrics sang, “what a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way, what a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you…”** Richard was still struggling to get free. This little striptease turned him on, and he was desperate to touch her.

She was about to pull off her stockings when Richard's seductive brusque voice telling her to leave them stopped her. She turned and looked at him with a sly grin walked towards him and put one leg up on the chair arm. He leaned over and kissed the inside of her thigh, then nipped her skin. Charlotte leaned her head back and let out a lust filled sigh. She then bent over till her cleavage was clear on display for him and kissed his lips roughly before she pulled herself away from him abruptly and began walking towards the closet, leaving his eyes lidded with passion and his head spinning with confusion.

He watched her hips sway as she walked across the room.

“Where are you going?”

“You'll see.” She quickly rummaged through her suitcase and hid something behind her back.

“Charlotte, let me go. I want you so bad right now.”

“I don't believe I gave you permission to call me that you wicked man.”

She pulled the infamous riding crop from behind her back. Richard's eyes widened with remembrance, and his grin became sly and devilish. It was time to play along at her game. He remembered just how compatible they were in bed together, and he knew he would never have to hide his true sexual nature from her. Sex was never going to be bland between them.

“You are being very bad, you know. I might be forced to punish you if you keep struggling to free yourself.” She slapped the crop against the palm of her hand.

“Ms. Lucas,” he said with a lust filled voice, “I'm sorry. I promise to try and behave myself.” He knew that was a lie, and Charlotte loved it when he was bad.

“Now that's better. I suppose I can put this down then, since you're behaving.” She ran the tip of the crop down his chest and let it gently graze his erection. She switched him gently on the thigh then set the crop aside and grinned at him as she straddled the chair. She felt his erection straining to be freed from his boxers. She placed her arms around his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair mussing it to her liking. “I remember exactly how you used to like it in bed, Richard.”

“I remember how you liked it as well…”

“I know some of your kinks, but I want to know all of them. Between us there should be no holding back, no restraints. I am yours completely.”

“Am I to be at your service tonight?”

“Yes,” she replied, looking him in the eyes boldly. Richard knew she would do the same for him later that night when it was his turn.

She stood again, than lowered to her knees. She pulled his boxers past his erection slowly and they pooled at his ankles. She wanted to show Richard just how much she worshiped his body as she licked, kissed his inner thighs towards his manhood. She licked his tip and took him entirely in her mouth working up and down his shaft until he was groaning with desire for her. She stood and retrieved a condom from his wallet and lowered it down his length.

She slowly lowered her lacy panties and stood before him in nothing but her stockings. Now he knew why she pulled the mirror in front of them. When he watched her straddle him and lower herself on his erection, he nearly lost control. The image she created for him was so erotic. The soft curves of her back and hips swayed over him, and he begged her to free his hands because he was desperate to touch those curves.

“Charlotte, let me use my hands. Please release me.”

He kissed along her neck then bucked his hips twice, and she let out a cry. That was when he knew she was no longer in complete control. It was now shared.

She pulled at his ties, and the second his hands were released, they clutched her breasts and she let out a loud gasp. The ties around his legs had loosened enough that he was able to slip his feet from them so that he could have better leverage.

“You are entirely too fuckable.” He groaned. “Tell me how you want me, Charlotte. Remember, I am at your service.” He kissed her fiercely and tightened his strong arms around her back, pressing her down against him completely.

Charlotte smiled against his lips and said teasingly, “That's Ms. Lucas, remember?” She kissed him again and trapped his bottom lip between her teeth.

Richard laughed briefly, but they both became to consumed with each other's bodies to think, let alone speak. He placed his hands on her hips and helped her move faster as his lips moved along her neck.

“Oh God!” Charlotte shivered when he pushed her down against him hard again. He felt she was on the verge of an orgasm, but he couldn't seem to bring her there this way.

“Stand up,” Richard commanded and Charlotte obeyed. “Now on your knees. Hold on to the chair.” He lowered himself behind her, and turned them and the chair to the side so she could watch in the mirror.

He placed a knee between her thighs to spread her legs and entered her hard from behind. Charlotte felt him fill her completely, and his thrusts quickly became more and more fierce.

“Do you like this?” he asked her as he placed one hand on her shoulder and the other on her hip, pressing her against him so that there was no end or beginning between them.

When her only response was a moan that started out low and became higher in pitch, he knew she was beginning to climax. Her body shivered, and she grabbed the arm of the chair. Richard's hand covered over hers protectively as they both felt the first of many indescribable waves move through her body. Charlotte felt herself becoming weightless, and she lost control of her limbs. Richard placed a strong arm beneath her hips to hold her as her body fell limp against the chair.

“Richard,” she cried repeatedly, “oh God, Richard, don't ever stop.”

He didn't want to ever stop. He wished with all his heart this feeling would last forever between them, but hearing his name moaned sweetly from her lips was what drove him over the edge. He thrust twice more, and Charlotte saw in the mirror his buttocks tighten and his head fall back as a look of absolute ecstasy crossed his features. He collapsed against her back briefly and then they both slipped into a sweaty heap of limbs against the floor.

She lay atop him and placed lazy kisses across his face. They were both so elated that they started laughing.

“My wicked wicked Charlotte,” He laughed as he kissed the tip of her nose and then the crown of her head as she snuggled beneath his chin.

Charlotte smiled against his chest and placed her lips over his strong heartbeat.

“Mine.” She said against his chest and he nodded yes in response. Then she reached down gently between his legs and he let out an “ummph” sound from deep in his chest. Charlotte looked at him questioningly but did not say a word. Richard nodded yes again. She stood and went to the bed and lounged against the pillows. She placed her hand over her heart and ran her fingers lightly over one of her breasts then down between her legs. He looked at her intensely from the shadow of the room, his blue eyes turning black and possessive as he grabbed another condom and walked over to her and placed his hand over hers.

“Mine?” He whispered against her swollen lips.

“Yours, always.” She breathed between kisses as he settled atop her and between her legs and kissed her between her breasts. “Yours.” She whispered as his hands went low around her backside. Her body shivered when he raised her hips and entered her again.

That night they cast any humiliation or inhibitions aside for each other's mutual satisfaction and pleasure. They left no position or part of the others bodies unexplored. Sexual compatibility was something that was very important to them, and their bond and dedication in the bedroom ended up making their relationship outside of the bedroom even stronger. They trusted each other completely.

Well, almost completely, Richard thought sadly as he held her in the early hours of the morning, stroking her shoulder idly as she slept against his chest. He knew Charlotte would eventually come around and talk to him about the loss of their son, it was only a matter of time. Meanwhile he had to prepare himself for what was likely to be the last, yet most difficult hurdle in their relationship. He kissed the top of her head and whispered his love to her as he wrapped his body around hers before he finally went to sleep.

=====

The next morning Richard and Charlotte were heading out for a walk when Richard saw his sweet old neighbor returning from getting a paper. She was a short petite woman, with gray hair that almost looked blue; she walked slightly bent over with a cane and always dressed in her Sunday best.

“Oh, Mr. Fitzwilliam, good morning, deary. It's a lovely day, isn't it?”

“Indeed, Mrs. Wesley. Couldn't be more beautiful. How have you been?

“Wonderful, wonderful. Is this a new lady friend of yours?”

“Oh, yes. This is my girlfriend, Charlotte Lucas. Charlotte, this is Mrs. Wesley, my flat neighbor.”

“Pleased to meet you, ma'am.”

“How charming! It's about time you had a lady friend, young man.” She turned and spoke to Charlotte now. “He's such a sweet one, I always say. I knew he couldn't possibly stay single for long.”

Charlotte grinned at Richard. It was clear Mrs. Wesley adored him as if he were her own grandchild.

“Mrs. Wesley, is there anything around your flat that needs taking care of? Are you out of groceries again? I can pop into the shop while we're out.”

“Oh, no I'm fine. But you might want to ask the gardener about that animal problem we have.”

“Animal problem?”

“Did you hear the ruckus last night? Sounded like a horrible wailing, and it lasted all night, too. I think the poor creature might have been dying.”

“Hmm, that's strange. I didn't hear a thing.”

“It might have been a badger or a wild cat. Very loud creature, whatever it was.”

Charlotte squeezed Richard's hand. “All night, you said?”

“Yes, off and on for most of the night. It was so odd.”

“Did any of the other neighbors on the square complain?”

“No one else seemed to know what I was speaking off. My ears aren't what they used to be. Well, you two have a pleasant day. I'm off to read my stories.”

“Goodbye, Mrs. Wesley,” Richard replied.

“It was a pleasure to meet you,” Charlotte said before they parted ways.

“Watch out for that wild animal in the garden,” she called after them.

When they were a block away, Charlotte looked up at Richard. His cheeks were a bit red, and he was trying not to laugh. Charlotte looked straight ahead and only said, “I think Ms. Lucas should only make appearances at the cottage from now on.”

After that, Richard started laughing, and neither of them could stop for the next block.

======

Chapter 13

Charlotte and Richard had been in each other's company for an entire week. Friday evening they returned to Richard's cottage at Matlock, and Saturday morning they awoke early and visited a local garden nursery. Charlotte helped Richard pick out all the necessary soil and nutrient supplies for his gardens and then together they selected flowers, grasses and small shrubs to fill the gardens. A truckload of mulch was to be delivered the next morning. They would spend all weekend working on the gardens and a few more outdoor repairs. By the time they were finished, the run down little cottage was transformed into a charming little home.

They ate a late meal Sunday evening after working all day. Richard had promised Charlotte a soak in the tub and some wine afterwards. The house line started to ring just as they were finishing up, and Richard went to answer it.

Charlotte only heard Richard's side of the conversation.

“Oh hey, Darce, what's going on, mate?...Oh, yeah she's here. She has? Uh huh, I understand. She does? Of course. We'll come right over. Bye.”

“Lizzy's gone into labor,” Richard told her.

“She's two weeks early.”

“Yeah, apparently Henry was born even earlier, but Lizzy's a bit upset because she really wanted her family to be there for this birth, and they aren't due to arrive till next week. So Lizzy wanted you to come and sit with her.”

“Me?” Charlotte's face turned pale. She hated hospitals. She doubted her ability to remain calm for her friend, but then she thought of Lizzy's decision to include her. They had always thought of each other as sisters, and she felt honored that Lizzy wanted her there for the birth. “I'm a mess. I'll…umm. Let me at least scrub up, and we should get going.”

Richard nodded solemnly. He could see the fear in her eyes at first, which was replaced by a brave mask.

They arrived to the hospital less than an hour later. Richard stayed in the waiting room and chatted with Darcy for a few minutes, while Charlotte was escorted by a nurse to see Lizzy.

Lizzy's hair was a mess, her face looked weary, and a bit of sweat pooled on her brow. However, she still had the same shining eyes she always did, and she smiled weakly at her friend in greeting.

“Hey, honey,” Charlotte said calmly as she sat next to her and took her hand. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm in pain, but this birth is progressing a lot faster than Henry's did, so that is a comfort.”

“So, it will be over soon, and you'll finally get to meet Baby Darcy number two.” Charlotte smiled.

“I can't wait. Neither can Darcy, and even Henry is beginning to wonder if he'll have a brother or a sister.”

“Well, that's an improvement from `I hate babies.'” Charlotte laughed as she remembered having to console Henry to the idea of sleeping in a new room.

“I swear he gets it from his father.”

“You know, you're stubborn as hell too, Lizzy.”

“I know, but I like to tease Darcy about it anyway because he's much worse,” Lizzy smiled. She paused briefly before she changed the subject. “Charlotte, Fitzwilliam and I were wondering if you would be the baby's godmother. We really want you to be the godmother.”

“Me, but what about Georgiana? Wouldn't she be upset? I wouldn't want to overstep my bounds. She is family, after all.”

“She was a little upset, because Jane is Henry's godmother, but we talked things over, and she understands. She said it's best right now that someone else be chosen because she's not out of college yet, and she's staying in for medical school. She felt she wouldn't have any time to spend with the baby. She's happy being an aunt again. We've promised her that the third baby will definitely be her godchild.”

“So you and Fitzwilliam want to have more after this one?”

“We've talked about it, and we decided that we want an average sized family. Maybe only one or two more.”

Charlotte smiled, “Well as long as I'm not stepping on anyone's toes, I'd love to be godmother to this one. So what names have you picked? I remember you and Darcy couldn't decide on a boy's name.”

“He refused Liam, which was his childhood nickname, he said it sounded too sissy, and no son of his was going to be a sissy.”

They both rolled their eyes, but they understood Darcy was just being protective of the baby. He didn't want his sons to be made fun of in school as he was.

“So, we liked the names Grant Alexander for a boy, and we still want to call our girl Ellenora Anne, or Nora for short.”

“They're both cute names.”

Lizzy smiled but then grimaced when another contraction swept through her. Charlotte wasn't sure what to do, so she called Darcy who came rushing into the room and helped Lizzy sit up to a position that was more comfortable for her. When the pain finally subsided, he smoothed her hair back and helped her relax again. This went on for another hour until Lizzy felt restless and needed to walk.

Charlotte couldn't help feeling sentimental when she saw how supportive Darcy was at this crucial moment for Lizzy. It made her wonder what would have been like if she had told Richard sooner. Perhaps nothing would have happened to their baby. If only… if only. I keep thinking up a hundred different scenarios, but it's never going to change what really happened. She shook her head back to the present.

After walking around a bit, it was less than an hour before Lizzy was ready to push. As Darcy helped her back into the hospital bed, Charlotte politely stepped aside to leave and return to Richard.

“Charlotte,” Lizzy asked, “you wouldn't want to stay in the room, would you?”

Charlotte tensed. Horrible memories of pushing came rushing back to her head. She shook her head sadly. “I…can't. I'm sorry, Lizzy.”

“It's all right. I understand. Thank you for keeping me company.”

“You're welcome, Lizzy. I'll see you soon with the baby.”

Lizzy smiled at her dear friend and at the thought that, not too long from now, a new member of their family would arrive.

=====

Charlotte returned to the waiting area to join Richard. He smiled warmly at her when he saw her heading towards him, and she returned it with the faintest curve of her lips. He was a bothered by her subdued reception. He couldn't know that she was thinking at that moment of the pain of her loss three years ago. She sat next to him silently. Richard tried to hold her hand, but her hands were cold, and her body was rigid.

Her behavior reminded him of the time years ago when she was rejecting him—for the second time. He swallowed down the taste of bile in his throat. He couldn't lose her again, not now, especially when it was in his power to console her and help her heal. If only he could figure out a way to start the conversation they desperately needed to have. It was not going to be an easy task, and he knew no matter what happened, Charlotte was going to hurt inside.

Time crept by slowly. Every little sound made him aware of just how slow—the receptionist's phone ringing, the cough of a stranger from across the room, the clip-clop of heels along the corridor floor, Charlotte's fingers taping nervously on the arm of the chair. Richard watched her fingers move almost as if of their own volition, as Charlotte stared straight ahead, completely detached.

The security doors to the delivery area opened, and the sound of footsteps approached them. Richard looked up to see his cousin smiling widely. He and Charlotte both stood and stepped towards him eagerly waiting for his announcement.

“It's a boy! Seven pounds, four ounces and in perfect health.”

Richard stepped forward and gave his cousin a slapping hug on the back. “Congratulations! How is Lizzy?”

“Good, good. Excellent, actually.” If it were possible Darcy's face brightened even more when he spoke proudly of his beautiful wife. “This birth went much more swiftly than Henry's did. She's holding the baby in recovery now.”

“May we go see them?” Charlotte asked softly.

“Of course. Let me pop in the room first, though. Lizzy was going to try and nurse him. The nurses wanted to make sure he could suckle properly.”

Darcy swiped them through the security doors and walked them down the hall to Lizzy's private recovery suite. He went in ahead of the others, and Lizzy was sitting up against the raised back of the hospital bed. Several pillows were stacked beneath her arms, and their newborn son was suckling against her breast.

“I think he might be a lazy eater. Either that, or Grant is a very sleepy baby so far.”

Lizzy smiled down at the warm bundle in her arms and stroked the soft tuft of dark hair that poked out of his little cap. When it seemed he had fallen asleep against her breast, Darcy helped refasten her shirt, and the nurse came in to check on her progress. Once mother and son were settled, Charlotte and Richard were shown into the room. Richard purchased a soft blue teddy bear from the gift shop as a present for Grant and had his camera ready to take photos.

Darcy gently lifted the baby from Lizzy's arms. He was an expert at holding babies now, all the awkwardness he first had when Henry was born had long vanished. He lifted him to his shoulder and gently patted his back for a burp before presenting him to Richard and Charlotte.

“Richard, Charlotte, I would like to introduce you to our little Grant Alexander.”

Darcy smiled proudly as they gathered around to see the babe. His peaked little face was a healthy shade of pink, his eyes were shut tight, and his little lips puckered as if he still wanted to suckle. A tiny fist poked out from his snugly wrapped blanket and rubbed his ear.

“Well done, you two. He's perfect. Looks just like his elder brother did,” Richard smiled.

“Who wants to hold him first?” Darcy asked.

“Why don't you do the honors, Richard? He is your nephew, after all,” Charlotte volunteered him.

“Wait, let me sit. I'm still not an expert at this baby holding stuff.” He sat and Darcy cautiously handed him off. “Oh look, he's yawning. Charlotte, would you take a few pictures? Maybe he'll open his eyes for a bit.”

Richard was so excited about every little thing the baby did, Darcy watched on like the proud father he was, and Lizzy smiled tenderly at the scene.

Baby Grant's eyes blinked open, and everyone leaned in for a look. “Well, hello there, Grant. Welcome to the family,” Richard cooed. “Lizzy, I think he has the shape of your eyes. They're dark, too.”

“I remember Henry's were as well, but his turned blue a few months later and have stayed that color,” Lizzy commented. “He gets it from your mother, doesn't he, Fitzwilliam?”

“Yes, he has my mother's eyes.” Darcy went and stood by Lizzy and watched with her as his cousin and Charlotte coddled little Grant. He reached his hand out and gently touched Lizzy's cheek. She turned up and looked at him, her eyes shining brilliantly with joy.

“Can you believe there's another member to our family, Fitzwilliam? I was afraid of being able to share the love, but now I just feel like my heart has grown even more.”

“I'm so happy,” Darcy replied. “So happy and so proud I can't even truly begin to explain my feelings.”

Lizzy placed her hand over his and smiled at her husband even brighter.

“Lizzy, do you have any idea how absolutely beautiful you look right now?”

Lizzy blushed slightly and replied modestly in response. “I'm sure I look exhausted.”

“No, you look beautiful. I love you so much, so very much, my Bella. How did I get so lucky to have you be a part of my life?” He leaned down and kissed her tenderly and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I ask myself the same question every day.”

Richard and Charlotte were still admiring baby Grant during this exchange. Richard looked at Charlotte who was gently stroking the baby's small hand.

“Would you like to hold him now?”

Charlotte nodded, and Richard carefully handed her the baby. Her smile grew very slowly as she felt his delicate skin and looked down upon his face. She hummed softly to him and rocked him gently back and forth in her arms. Little Grant seemed to really enjoy the movement, and he made a soft mewling sound as his eyes drifted closed. She raised him up to her face and bestowed a kiss on his little cheek and another on his nose. She focused on his nose for some time. Her smile faltered slightly, and she traced her index finger lightly down his forehead between his eyes to the tip of his little nose. There was no mistaking that proud noble little nose. She knew it very well.

She looked at Lizzy, and her eyes were shining with unshed tears. Her voice remained light as she spoke. “He's perfect, Lizzy, just absolutely perfect in every way.”

=====

It was very late at night, almost early morning, before Richard and Charlotte returned to the cottage. They promised to be up early and go to Pemberley to help Georgiana with Henry. Lizzy and Darcy knew he could be a handful and didn't want her to feel overwhelmed by his exuberance.

The drive back to the cottage was mostly silent. They made a few comments about how pretty and perfect the baby was and how Lizzy seemed to be doing very well after the delivery, but other than that, neither had much to say.

Charlotte gazed out the window silently until they arrived back at the cottage. They went inside and started to get ready for bed. They were both exhausted when they finally pulled the covers up around them. Richard tucked an arm around Charlotte's waist, and they spooned until he fell asleep. Charlotte, however, did not sleep. She slowly moved from under his arm and sat up. She tucked her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

Memories came flooding back like a violent storm, and she could no longer hide her tears. She quickly got out of bed and ran to the bathroom, shutting herself in.

Richard wasn't asleep long when awoke with a start. He had one of those dreams where he was falling. He expected to wake up with Charlotte in his arms, but she wasn't there. He turned over and saw the light creeping under his bathroom door and was about to go back to sleep, when he heard a quiet sob. Followed by another, then a sniffle. He bolted from the bed and tapped lightly on the bathroom door.

“Char? Honey? What's the matter?”

Charlotte sniffled and tried to hide another cry from escaping her lips, but it didn't work.

Richard put his hand on the knob and turned it slowly. He cracked the door only an inch. “I'm going to come in, okay, honey?”

“Okay,” Charlotte replied with a breathless sob.

Richard entered the bathroom and saw Charlotte curled against the tub. He was by her side in an instant and wrapped an arm around her.

“What's wrong, Charlotte? Please tell me what's wrong?”

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. His face was etched with concern, but his eyes shimmered with gentleness. At that moment, she hugged him tightly, and she knew what she had to do. She had to talk; she had to end the silence between them about the baby. Since their argument, neither had ventured near the topic, but they needed to bring this out into the open or there would always be a barrier in their relationship.

“Come here. Your hands are cold. Let's go sit in bed and talk.”

He stood and helped her up from the floor. When he scooped her effortlessly into his arms and walked them over to the bed, she did not protest. She needed his strength right now.

He set her down, and they lay facing each other, their bodies pressed together and their hands joined between them.

“I'm not even sure how to begin.” She looked down at their hands.

“Why not tell me what caused you to start crying. Was there any one thing?”

“There are so many things,” she said in an embarrassed tone. She looked at his face and concentrated on his features. Her expression was odd, as if she were in a different time and not the present at all.

“Can you tell me everything that happened, please? I want to know everything.”

Charlotte's eyes snapped from his face. She was silent at first, but then she began to speak softly.

“I was on the pill, as you knew. We never used protection because of the pleasure.”

“I was so selfish back then.”

“No, no, don't. Don't even think that. We were careful before. We had tests done before we ever slept together, and we had an agreement so what was the point? I was on the pill, and sex feels better without a condom.”

“But look what happened to you. I can't help but feel it was all my fault. I don't know what I was thinking that night…well no, I do know what I was thinking, but I should have been more responsible.”

“Richard, I've thought for three years of who I should place the blame on, and there's no one.” Charlotte placed a hand on his cheek. “That night I wanted to be with you so badly nothing could have stopped us.”

“You did?”

“Yes, and not just for sex. I can't explain it, but I couldn't simply say goodbye that night. You were so sweet and charming and wonderful. It was so romantic.”

“But you simply left the next morning, and I never heard from you again?”

“I'm ashamed to admit this, but I didn't remember until later what had happened that night…”

“You didn't remember? But how? I don't understand.”

“Well, I did have a lot to drink, but that doesn't explain it. I have a medical condition. I didn't know I had it back then. It wasn't discovered until much later.”

“What's wrong? Are you sick?” Richard sounded panicked, and he took her shoulders in a protective grip.

“Yes and no. I don't feel sick all the time. It's controllable. I have hyperthyroidism.”

“What is that? What does it do?”

“Well, at the time, I was always fatigued, yet I could never sleep. I was up all hours, sometimes running on maybe one to two hours sleep at night. I guess that night the alcohol didn't help matters, but when I woke, I truly didn't remember anything until hours later, and by then I was so ashamed of what I had done.”

“But why were you ashamed?”

“Because I ran away from you, and I was terrified what you might think of me. I was afraid you were indifferent to me after that night because of how I treated you before, and I was afraid that maybe you hadn't changed after all. I was so stupid.”

“No, Charlotte please don't think that. You were right to think I hadn't changed, I should not have rushed back into bed with you. But as you said nothing could have stopped us that night. All I dreamed about for months…years actually, was how beautiful you were that night. When I never heard from you again I was afraid you rejected me again. I was resentful for a long time. We were a pair of fools. I should have gone after you and not given up so easily.”

“After my move to the west coast, I settled into my new job and my normal fatigue still plagued me, but it seemed a little worse, and it just kept getting worse every day. I didn't for a second think that I could have been pregnant. For the longest time my periods were irregular, so my doctor prescribed me birth control pills to help regulate them. They never stopped to wonder why they were irregular. Birth control was the quick fix, but apparently irregular periods are another symptom of my condition. Then my fatigue and insomnia eventually caused me to become sick a few weeks before we slept together, and the doctor put me on an antibiotic for that. I didn't even think to use other protection. Everything just happened so quickly between us.

“That's why I never thought I was pregnant. When I found out I was, it was a Monday towards the middle of February. I had been thinking about why I was feeling worse. I went to a doctor, and they examined me and tested me for pregnancy. I figured it was a waste of time, but I took the test anyway. The doctor came back in the room with an odd grin on his face, as if the answer to all my health problems was so simple. I was pregnant. The test was positive.

“He seemed relieved to find and answer, but I bawled my eyes out in front of him. I was scared, and I was afraid that after a month and a half of no contact you would want nothing to do with me.”

“If I had known, there's no doubt in my mind that I would have been there for you, Charlotte.”

Charlotte nodded silently in understanding. “I regret so much of what happened. Whenever I was sick, everyone always told me that it was normal, it was perfectly normal when you're pregnant. Doctors, nurses, other mothers—they all said it would pass. I never felt normal. I just felt sick all the time. I still had to work, and I was terrified of telling my new employers about being pregnant. It wasn't going to look good for me. I told them towards the end of the semester, and they started interviewing for a leave replacement.

“Some time in the spring I felt like my health was finally starting to get better. I thought maybe everyone was right—that being sick was just a normal phase of pregnancy. I had a few happy months. Months when I could feel the baby kicking, and I would sit and read to him. I bought a few baby things, but not many because there was still a lot of time for that.

“Every time I felt a movement inside of me there was this unbearable guilt pressing against my chest. You had a right to know, and the baby had a right to know you. So I decided I needed to get in touch with you. For a few weeks I kept picking up the phone. I worked out what I was going to say and then tried to dial the last number I had for you. I couldn't make myself do it. All I imagined on the other end was stunned silence from you and then a dial tone.”

“No, I would not have done that to you,” Richard protested and squeezed her hands tightly. “I would have come straight away to see you.”

Charlotte looked down at their joined hands, and she replied sadly, “I know, I know. I should have had more faith in you.” She gulped and swallowed back her tears. There was still more to the story. “I remember the morning it started. It was a bright sunny day in the beginning of July. I had a cramp in my side, but it went away. I was humming softly to the baby, having a quiet conversation, telling him about his dad and how Mommy was definitely going to call him that day. I picked up the phone, and I had told myself, `I can do this. It's only a phone call.' So I started to dial your number, and that's when I felt a terrible pain pass through me. I dropped the phone and clutched my stomach.”

Richard looked at her in horror, and the thought of her in pain gripped his heart. He pulled their hands apart wrapped his arms around her tightly and pressed her to his chest.

“When I could move, I went to the bathroom. I felt like I had to go, but I didn't. I looked down and there was a clot of blood. I began panicking and called my doctor. He told me to come to his office. I went to the emergency room instead. I knew something wasn't right, and I didn't want to wait in his office. I drove there, but I don't remember how I did it on my own. I remember the cramping and the pain was becoming unbearable when they finally admitted me. I don't remember much after that. My doctor was called in and another specialist. Every one in the room had grim looks on their faces as they discussed what was happening, and they discussed it as if I weren't even in the room. I could hear bits of what they said. `Possible chance,' and `Baby's coming today,' and finally, `Call up to the NICU to be on alert for the arrival.'”

Richard stiffened and tried to prepare himself for what she would say next. There was no real way to tell himself that he could bear hearing her tell him of the baby's death, but he had to be strong for her.

“They told me it was a boy. The nurse wiped my brow and told me I did a good job with the delivery and that they'd do whatever they could for the baby. She assured me most babies at this point had a very good chance of survival. I smiled weakly at her and prayed that was the case for my…our baby. For Richard, that was the name I gave him, it was the only name I could think of at that moment—that I thought of for a long time actually, so I named him Richard after you, with the middle name Dylan, after my older brother.”

Richard's dark blue eyes started to glaze over. He was holding his breath waiting for her to continue.

“I demanded to see him, so after some time, they took me up to the NICU. As soon as they could, they transferred me to a wheel chair and brought me next to his incubator. He was laying there…He was so small…smaller than most his age. I was too sick during my pregnancy. He hadn't grown enough…and his lungs weren't…they were not…developed enough.”

After some time of silence, he looked at her curiously as she took her fingertip and touched him light as a feather along the length of his nose.

“This nose—when I held him just before he…our baby had this same nose and this slight cleft in your chin. I saw Grant had the same little nose when I held him today.”

Richard swallowed heavily. He was heartbroken that Charlotte had carried his child alone, grieved that she lost him, but now…now that he knew the baby also looked like him—it was all too much. Tears started to fall from his eyes. Richard sat in stunned silence, words formed in his head, and his mouth opened a few time to speak, but what could he say? What could he possibly say to make things better, to comfort her?

“He looked like me?” Richard choked, as if the full realization of his roll in the baby's creation, and the loss of the poor helpless child that was his own flesh and blood, finally hit him.

They both could do nothing but weep. They clung to each other, and he kissed her— kisses filled with longing and regret, almost as if he sought forgiveness for evils he had no control over. Charlotte also sought reconciliation in his embrace. The need to join and find comfort in their union was uncontrollable. There was no doubt in his heart that he forgave her. He told her so over and over as he kissed and tasted the salty tears from her cheek, and they felt it as their bodies met repeatedly.

Richard looked down upon Charlotte as she pressed herself against his body. He stroked her cheek and pushed a short wisp of hair from her forehead. Charlotte's eyes shut as she felt his gentle hand against her cheek. She smiled from his touch and opened her eyes to meet his again.

“I love you,” she whispered softly and his head lowered for a kiss.

He held her hand and looked down at her small fingers laced between his. He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. “Charlotte, can you be treated for your condition?”

“There is treatment, but I…” She shied away from him and turned her head into his chest. “I don't want to be in the hospital again. I can't stand being in a hospital.”

“Tonight was difficult for you, wasn't it?”

“It sparked so many horrible memories.”

“But you blocked it out, you became distant.”

“You could tell?”

“Yes, you bottled everything up. You wouldn't hold my hand, you would hardly even speak to me.”

“I'm sorry… I simply don't deal well with certain situations. Especially this. I only thought about how much I wished things had turned out differently three years ago. How the baby could have been healthy like Grant.”

“I understand, but you don't have to hide your feelings from me.”

“Richard, I was seconds away from having an emotional break down in public. I couldn't let that happen.”

“It's all right, Charlotte. I just want you to know that I'm here. You can hide from anyone else, but please don't hide from me.” Richard's eyes were glistening with tears. “I couldn't take you running away from me again like that.”

Charlotte finally saw how fragile his ego was when it came to her. He needed just as much reassurance as she did. “I'll never run from you, surely you know that by now.”

“No, I know you won't…but please don't keep yourself distant from me emotionally. I simply can't take that. It tears me up knowing you hurt and won't let me know what I can do to help.”

Charlotte kissed him and whispered against his lips. “I won't. I promise I won't do that to you ever again.”

Richard released the breath he was holding in with a heavy sigh. He kissed her passionately. When he stopped he looked at her intently.

“Charlotte, I'm going to research this, and I'm going to find a doctor that will treat you, and we're going to make you better.” Richard said with absolute determination.

Charlotte nodded, “It's been so long since I've felt healthy. I'm not even sure if I would remember what it felt like. I'm tired of being on medication. There has to be another alternative.”

“I'm going to take care of you…I promise.” He kissed her softly as he pulled the covers up around them. Charlotte turned away from him and Richard pressed himself up behind her in a familiar and comfortable spoon, and they fell asleep.

=====

One Month Later…

“Charlotte and Richard, as godparents to little Grant Alexander Darcy, God will give you the wisdom and ability to hold within your heart forever the spiritual welfare of this child. You are charged with the responsibility of seeing to the spiritual welfare of this child, should the need arise, and it is you who stand as spiritual counselors. Do you accept this duty and charge?” The strong voice of the old pastor echoed off the ancient stonewalls of Pemberley Church.

"We do," they replied in unison.

“Do you promise to love, honor, support and encourage the child throughout his life?”

"We do."

Richard looked into Charlotte's eyes then gazed down at little Grant Alexander in her arms. Charlotte was bouncing him slightly as he was being a bit fussy. Lizzy and Darcy stood along side them and looked lovingly upon their son dressed in the Darcy baptismal gown, which has been a family heirloom for many generations. Every male Darcy since the late eighteen hundreds had been baptized in this gown—they had a much finer, lacier gown for the Darcy women.

The pastor continued the service and soon they all stood around the baptismal font and held baby Grant over it as water was poured on his head. Grant let out a soft cry of protest, but when it was over, Charlotte stroked his soft hair with a towel till he calmed again.

“Well, he didn't cry quite as loud as his father did,” the pastor joked to the gathering of family and close friends, receiving many soft chuckles from those in attendance and a mock-scowl from Darcy which Lizzy quickly kissed away.

Everyone that was dear to them had come to this celebration. Lord and Lady Fitzwilliam, and Darcy's elder cousin, Hildebrand, and his wife, Arienne, and their two children, Rachel and Daniel. All the Bennett's flew over as well. Since they were not able to attend the birth, they decided to delay their trip and the baptism was pushed forward so they could be there.

Mr. Bennett smiled warmly at his newest grandchild, and Mrs. Bennett fussed over Grant lovingly and pinched Henry's little cheeks much to the child's dismay. Mary, Kitty and Lydia, who were much improved in sense and education in recent years, all took turns holding Grant and entertaining their other niece and nephews. Jane and Charles were there with their two children, little Charles Jr. and a daughter, Emma, who was just over a year old and looked like a little blond angel. Georgiana was snapping tons of photos of the event.

Henry had finally warmed up to having a little brother. When he first met Grant, he declared his younger brother to be “all right,” though he didn't understand the fuss over the “funny looking baby.” He eventually got over the lack of attention he was getting. His personality was much like his father's, and Henry easily found ways to entertain himself with his imagination. However, after a short period of pretending not to care that he had a sibling, he began to take a very keen interest in his little brother, and soon he was bestowing sweet kisses on his cheek and told his parents he was going to be a good big brother.

The weather for the party after the christening couldn't have been more perfect on that day in early June. Henry, Charles Jr., and Daniel Fitzwilliam all laughed in delight as they played together, rolling down a grassy hill. Their mothers looked on fondly at the bond their children were making. No one more than Jane and Lizzy, since it was their dearest wish that their children grow up to be very close.

Charlotte lounged in a lawn chair holding Grant against her chest. The babe was sleeping curled up in a little ball as she rubbed his back and hummed a lullaby. Richard watched her from a distance then slowly began to move towards her.

She kissed Grant's head as she sang sweetly to him, and Richard overheard her whisper a wish. “One day, God willing, I hope I have a baby as sweet and beautiful as you.”

Richard coughed to alert her of his presence. Charlotte looked over at him and blushed.

“Did you hear that?” She was embarrassed that he had caught her acting broody.

“Yes.”

“I umm… I had hoped no one heard that,” she stammered. She wasn't sure exactly what to say.

The sides of Richard's lips curled into a slight smile. “I want a baby as sweet and beautiful as Grant one day as well, and I want to have the baby with you.”

Charlotte blushed even more, and her eyes lowered demurely before she returned her gaze to Richard.

“Charlotte, I found something out,” he spoke seriously. “I found an endocrine specialist. He can treat you and came highly recommended as the top in his field. However, he's in New York. I spoke with him and was able to get him to accept a new patient.”

“Oh…back in New York.” She looked down sadly. She knew her visa was running up, and she needed to go back to America in less than a month. “I had hoped that…I wouldn't be…”

“You wouldn't be what?”

“Going back—at least without a promise.” She rushed the words out, not believing that she actually said them.

Richard took her hand and kissed it lightly. “I can tell you honestly, the only thing stopping me is finding the perfect ring.”

Charlotte's head spun at his confession. He was thinking the same thing as she was. Richard cracked a toothy smile then fumbled around in his pocket for something as Charlotte watched him oddly. Finally he pulled out a piece of toffee wrapped in a silver wrapper. He knelt beside her, tossed the candy aside and took the wrapper and twisted it into a ring and slipped it on her fourth finger on her left hand.

“Charlotte, I want this to be a promise between us. A promise for a promise. I want you to promise me you'll go back to New York and see this specialist, and I promise to visit you there within a week. Darcy has already agreed to let us use his loft. I also promise that as soon as I find the ring that belongs on your hand, it will be yours, and I will propose to you.”

Charlotte looked down at the piece of foil on her finger and smiled. “I already have the perfect ring right here. There's nothing more I need besides you by my side always.”

Epilogue

Christmas Two Years in the Future…

Pemberley's family room was filled with the flora of the season. Garland made of pine branches, poinsettias, hellebores, holly, and ivy decorated the great stone mantle place. A beautifully decorated giant fir tree towered in the corner, and a paper chain Henry made in school was draped along one section of the wall. Christmas music played on the radio, a warm fire blazed in the hearth, and outside there was a fresh coating of snow.

The house was filled with family visiting for Christmas dinner—Lizzy's family had traveled from america, Richard and Darcy's family were there, and Charlotte's family had also been invited along with the Bennett's.

Four rambunctious boys—Henry and Grant Darcy, Daniel Fitzwilliam, and Charles Bingley Jr., who everyone called Charlie now—played on the floor near the fire with action figures. Henry and Charlie were both now six years old and Daniel was five. They had each grown up so fast.

Grant, who was going to be three in the spring, definitely had the same wild personality his mother had as a child. Combine with a wild imagination from his father, Lizzy and Darcy were a bit exasperated at how quickly and quietly he could get into things. He also inherited his mother's love for art and many of the walls at Pemberley suffered as a consequence.

Henry, however, had taken up the role of protector of his younger brother and tried his best to keep him out of trouble. Charlie was good-natured like his mother and father, and if Henry ever became too grave, Charlie told him a joke he heard from school and lightened the mood instantly. The cousins only saw each other at most twice a year, but they always looked forward to each visit eagerly.

Charles and Jane sat on a loveseat as Jane was discreetly nursing their third child, a six-month-old girl named Danielle. Their three-year-old Emma was playing with a tea set in the corner and was being sweetly entertained by Charlotte's elder nieces, Rachel Fitzwilliam and Maria Lucas, who were growing into beautiful young ladies.

Lizzy and Darcy sat next to Charlotte on the large sofa. Darcy had his arm around Lizzy's shoulder and his other hand rested on her stomach lovingly. She had just found out a few days before she was pregnant with their third child, and they both hoped that this one would be a daughter to complete their family.

Arienne and Hildebrand Fitzwilliam shared the other loveseat that had been placed in a U-pattern around the fire. They were both content not to have more children. Hildebrand worked too often, and Arienne took up ballet again and started her own academy. Their daughter, Rachel, was turning out to be quite the little Prima Donna of her troupe.

Mr. and Mrs. Bennett, Mrs. Lucas, and Lord and Lady Fitzwilliam, being the elders of the family, sat at a round table near the fireplace on the opposite end of the room. Lady Fitzwilliam was quite weary of having to mingle with the common folk that were now considered her relations and disparaged them as poor farmers until she learned of the many assets they held in property and decided they were worth some of her attention. They were all able to find common ground doting on their grandchildren.

Georgiana was there with her boyfriend who was also entering medical school. They were very serious about each other, but neither really had any ideas of marriage just yet.

As for Lizzy's younger sisters, Kitty and Lydia were present, and strangely, their noses were tucked into books. Kitty was doing some extra reading for her major in psychology; Lydia had her nose tucked into a romance novel. At least she was reading.

Mary was the only one not present. She shocked everyone in her family when she announced she had eloped six months ago, and with, of all people, her college organic chemistry professor. The story was not as scandalous as it might have been though. He was a young professor, and she had a crush on him all four years of her undergraduate degree. When she graduated and went on to continue her studies towards a PhD in Boston, they met as colleagues at a convention a year later. They had dinner together each night of the convention and then kept in touch. When he confessed that he always thought she was as beautiful as she was brilliant on a visit to see her, there was a different type of chemical reaction cooking up in her private lab at MIT. Her first baby was due any day now, and she couldn't travel for the Christmas gathering.

Charlotte sat looking down at her lap and smiled happily at how dear everyone in this room was to her. She went from having a small family to a very large extended one full of youth and life. She looked down fondly at her left hand. The engagement ring that Richard had promised her was there as well as a wedding band.

=====


When Charlotte left England for treatment in New York, Richard came to visit her as he had promised and was there for her initial doctor's appointment. Surprisingly, her case was not as complicated as anyone had initially thought it to be. She did not need surgery. Instead she was given Radioactive Iodine treatments, and within two months after a few follow up appointments, the doctor said she should no longer have any symptoms of her condition. When he informed her also that the treatment would not interfere with her becoming pregnant or lower her chances of delivering a healthy baby in the future, Charlotte cried tears of relief right in the doctor's office. Richard was there to hold her as all the fear and uncertainty of their future quickly faded into optimism.

Her greatest fear was reliving the memories of her first pregnancy and never being able to have a healthy child. Now she knew she could give Richard a family. She felt it was the last barrier between them no matter how much he assured her that even if she could not have another baby they could always adopt and he would not love her any less.

That afternoon, Richard and Charlotte took a long stroll hand in hand towards Central Park. On their way, Charlotte had paused briefly at a window display for an antique jewelry store. There were several beautiful rings on display. She didn't say anything to Richard because she didn't want to be obvious, but she couldn't help saying “how beautiful” when she laid her eyes on the perfect wedding band. She still wore her piece of foil beneath a plain band to keep it protected. Richard watched her closely, though, and saw which ring in particular she focused on the longest. That was the one. The very next day he went back to the shop and purchased it, however, she did not receive it for several more months.

She had one final semester to complete teaching at the college on the west coast. She had promised the college that semester so that the school could have enough time to find a replacement. Richard visited her three times in the fall, and they formed some lasting memories in her small apartment. There were bittersweet memories as well, when upon Richard's request Charlotte took him to the hospital where his son was born, and to his memorial site where he laid out flowers. It was more emotional for him than he thought it would be, but after having that final closure this was the last time either of them thought sadly upon the loss of the baby. They thought of the future instead and planned a memorial garden together for the baby at their cottage.

Charlotte was unaware that during the time they were apart, Richard was vigorously completing his repairs at the cottage. Everything was completely refinished, and an addition had been added with more bedrooms and a library just for Charlotte. He had all the shelving installed, brought in the most plush chairs he could find, and a large desk. He placed a few of his favorite reads on the shelves, but had hoped that Charlotte would fill the rest of them with her own extensive collection.

He had also been hinting to his parents that his relationship with Charlotte last spring was much more serious than what they had both assumed was another disappointing affair their son had entered into. It was his mother that needed the most convincing. Everyone else saw quite clearly that they were perfect for each other.

Lady Fitzwilliam was disappointed that neither of her sons was to marry aristocracy. Hildebrand ran off with a dancer and, now her baby Richard was set on marrying a dowdy professor, as she called her.. What was the world coming to! She finally admitted defeat to all her match making schemes and was preparing herself to welcome Charlotte into the family—rather it was a bit of an ultimatum if she ever wanted to see her youngest son again.

Charlotte had visited for a quick trip during her fall break, and Lady Fitzwilliam truly made an effort to know her better. One night after Richard confessed to his parents about the baby she finally began to truly understand how important Charlotte was to her son. She was quite grieved over the news, and when she saw Charlotte the next morning she squeezed her hand sympathetically. Lady Fitzwilliam understood what it felt like to lose a child. Although she never voiced her past, because she felt such things were better left in the past, she thought back to the child she lost between Richard and Hildebrand. It was the first time Charlotte saw the tough, poised and proper woman's façade crack and show emotion. Lady Fitzwilliam finally understood the strong bond between her son and Charlotte, and she did finally admit that Charlotte was somewhat of a miracle worker when she thought back to how her son used to be. Yes, she would be quite happy indeed to have such a daughter-in-law.

Charlotte spent that Christmas with her family in Meryton, and Richard joined them. Her mother was instantly smitten with his charm, sense of humor, and accent. She hinted a few times of marriage between the two, but her only response was out of character blushes from Charlotte and winks from Richard.

For New Years, they traveled to New York to stay at the Darcy's loft again and have some privacy away from Charlotte's mother and brother, sister-in-law, and niece all living under the same roof. They stood out on the terrace just after the New Year rang in. People were shouting from their balconies, and car horns were honking. Richard shouted, “Happy New Year!” into the night sky and turned and gave Charlotte a powerful kiss that left her speechless. He held her gloved hands in his afterwards, and stroked his thumbs over her small knuckles. A smile started to form on his lips and he removed her gloves, and slipped off the plain ring that she wore day and night. He smiled even brighter when he saw she still held onto that little piece of foil.

The memory now seemed a daze as she watched with shock when he lowered on one knee and held the ring out for her. She couldn't even remember now the exact words of his proposal as he said them because she was breathing to hard and trying not to cry. She did remember crying, “Yes! Yes, absolutely yes!” without any hesitation, and Richard jumped up and swept her into his arms. After kissing her several times he slipped a stunning antique art deco ring on her finger—the very one with the small canary-colored solitaire that she had admired in the store window several months ago. It was the perfect ring for Charlotte Richard said, modest but truly exotic. Once you got a good look at it and began to truly understand its value, you couldn't take your eyes away.

When they made love that night, he playfully pinned her hands above her head and admired the sparkle on her left hand, which was matched by the sparkle of passion in her eyes as she looked at him while their bodies met. She was his and he was hers; they belonged to each other only.

The marriage ceremony was held several months later at a church in Meryton, and a civil ceremony was later held in England. The church wedding was very small, and only the closest family and friends were in attendance. Charlotte's older brother, Dylan, walked her down the aisle, and she cried briefly, wishing her father was there to do the honors. When she reached Richard he lifted her antique lace veil, and wiped her tears away with his thumb. Any sadness she might have felt instantly left her thoughts. She was marrying the one man who truly understood her inside and out, she couldn't possibly ever feel sadness again with Richard by her side.

With marriage brought a new life and a new home in a new country. Lizzy was absolutely ecstatic to have her friend living in England permanently now. She said it was all part of her master plan to have her entire family eventually move to England. Charlotte barely recognized Richard's little cottage when they pulled up to it after their honeymoon. He gave her the grand tour of all the new renovations. He placed his hands over her eyes when they reached the last door.

“Okay, no peaking. You promise?”

“I promise. No peaking, but what is it Richard? I'm dying to know.”

“Be patient, sweetheart.” He hesitated and kissed her little pout away.

He opened the door and led her into the middle of the room before he took her hands away. Charlotte blinked at the bright light streaming through the windows. She looked at the shelving covering every wall, the fireplace, the large plush chairs, and table in the middle of the room and a desk beneath one of the windows. A large smile spread across her lips as she took it all in. Richard came up behind her and put his arms around her.

“I had this room built specially for you. I even helped make all the shelving.”

“Richard, it's wonderful…I… I'm speechless.”

“I figured you would need a quiet place to be surrounded by all your books while you write your dissertation.”

“My dissertation…but how did you know I wanted to…?”

“I saw the applications in your bag one morning a while back. So I thought it would make things easier on you if you had your own study space. This is your home now. I want you to be comfortable here. And I remembered how many books you had, so I knew we needed a lot of space for them.”

“Well, there's plenty of room in the cottage now with the addition.”

“Yes, but I kind of hoped those other rooms would be put to a different use eventually. So this room needed to be just for you.”

“And what else did you have in mind?”

“Oh, I don't know. Perhaps a nursery, a play room…”

Charlotte turned in Richard's arms and kissed him. “I guess I better get that PhD out of the way quick then, so we can get started.”

He grinned at her and ran her hands down to her back and placed them on her bottom. That afternoon the library became the first room they christened in the house as newlyweds.

=====


Charlotte was brought back to the present with a light tap on her shoulder. Richard leaned down and whispered in her ear, and Charlotte excused herself from the room and followed Richard into the hall and to the room directly opposite.

“Is something the matter?”

“I think she's hungry.” He twisted his wedding band a bit nervously and hoped that was the case. He was still trying to figure out this parenting thing.

Charlotte went over to the car seat resting on the sofa, and pulled the handle back. There sat their beautiful little angel. She and Richard had become parents less than a month ago. Charlotte hadn't completed her degree yet when she discovered, much to her surprise, she was pregnant. Richard was completely over-joyed with her news and instantly started planning the nursery. Charlotte was happy but she was also nervous about being pregnant again.

She felt healthier than her first pregnancy, but still suffered from severe morning sickness. Her doctor was well informed of her previous condition, but felt because of her treatment she should not have much to worry about. Still he was very thorough and cautious. Having Richard by her side to support her made all her worries go away, though. He was the most loving and attentive husband. He watched with awe how her body changed. It started with a subtle glow and softening around her eyes, then with amazement one lazy afternoon he actually felt the swelling low in her abdomen. She only became more beautiful to him as each day passed. Despite her mood swings, and complaints of feeling bloated he merely shrugged it off and told her every day she was more gorgeous than the last. Sex became a little more cautious, but twice as frequent and passionate. He couldn't get enough of her growing curves, and he felt an even greater connection between them now knowing that their love was creating a baby they both longed for.

Towards the end of the pregnancy, her doctor ordered her to get as much bed rest as possible. Charlotte was very petite, and it was difficult for her to carry the extra weight of the baby. Richard made himself available to her beck and call. He left his job in London and went to work for a bank headquartered in Derby as the head of securities and fraud investigation. He loved being able to drive a short distance home and spend more time with her in the evening.

Charlotte was scheduled to be induced once the doctor felt the baby was actually older than previously assumed. On the last day of November, Charlotte gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl. She cried the second she laid eyes on her and smiled when she heard her baby let out a healthy cry for the first time. Even Richard cried when he saw his little princess come into this world. They named their daughter Cecilia Grace. Cecilia had her father wrapped around her tiny pinky finger the second she opened her dark eyes.

Everyone declared her to be a beautiful newborn. She had a perfect round head, with wisps of dark hair, and delicate features just like her mother's, though some thought the curve of her bottom lip was similar to her father. For Christmas they bought a pretty lacy red dress with a matching bonnet and booties. The second they arrived to Pemberley with her every one fussed over how beautiful she was. She was passed around the room and admired greatly. Richard grinned proudly as he squeezed his wife's hand. They did make a beautiful baby together.

Now she was a bit fussy, though. Richard had taken Cecilia to a separate room to change her, but that didn't seem to quiet her, so he went back for his wife. Charlotte came scooped the baby into her arms and placed her pinky near her mouth. Cecilia immediately tried to suckle.

“Shh, shh. There, there my little Celia.” She kissed her cheek gently, “Mommy's here.”

Richard watched her soothe their baby. Charlotte was a wonderful mother and she seemed to be quite a natural at calming little Celia.

“Darling, would you hold her for a second while I adjust myself.”

Richard cradled her and rocked her back and forth as Charlotte situated herself, but the only thing that was going to satisfy Cecilia completely was her supper. Richard handed her off carefully and sat down next to Charlotte to watch her suckle upon his favorite pair of breasts. He toyed with a lock of his wife's hair idly, and gazed upon her beautiful features as she looked down at their baby.

“You know, it's not fair, really.”

“What isn't fair?” Her dark eyes snapped up and looked at Richard, as a grin spread across both of their faces.

“That she gets to spend so much time with them, and I'm practically banished.”

“Oh, you poor baby. I feel so sorry for you.”

“You should.”

“Well, you have been a very bad boy this year, but perhaps Mrs. Claus might have a treat for you tonight.” Charlotte patted his thigh, then stroked him fleetingly.

“Hmm, really? Can you already?”

“I'm not sure, probably not, but we can do other things.”

Richard's face brightened at the prospect. He couldn't wait to get his wife home and unwrap her beneath the Christmas tree. The passion in their sex life had clearly never waned, and Richard gave very implicit instructions on the quality of the locks and soundproofing when he remodeled the master bedroom several years before in anticipation of having a house full of children.

When Celia was finished feeding, Charlotte burped her then Richard changed her and helped readjust Charlotte's Christmas dress. Richard leaned his little princess against his shoulder and wrapped his other arm around Charlotte, and they went back to join their family.

Neither had ever thought in their wildest dreams that their lives would turn out in this happy way. Perhaps it was because years ago they were dreaming of the wrong things and did not pay attention to what was right before their eyes. They laughed now at how foolish they used to be. Richard joked that they would have wonderful stories for their grandchildren, and Charlotte smacked his shoulder lightly.

“You wouldn't ever dare tell such tales to anyone.”

“Is that a threat or a challenge?”

“Richard…” Charlotte huffed at his behavior and folded her arms across her chest.

“You know I always rise to every challenge,” he winked.

“Richard Owen Fitzwilliam, you're incorrigible.” A fond, sly smile passed over her lips. “And yet, I wouldn't have you any other way.”

The End.

---