The Course of True Love

By Elizabeth Ann

Chapter 1

Posted on Tuesday, 25 January 2005

Charles Bingley finished his letter with a flourish and a blot and handed it over to be sent out with the morning's mail. He settled back in his chair with a contented sigh. He had finally finished the onerous task of writing to his sister Caroline and informing her of his engagement to Miss Jane Bennet and that of his friend Fitzwilliam Darcy to her sister, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Knowing Caroline and her aspirations, she would not take the news well. Charles was extremely glad that she would be miles away in London when she received the news.

Satisfied with himself, Bingley allowed himself to slip into daydreams of his love…in a beautiful white dress…wearing daisies in her loose blonde hair…running to greet him… These pleasant thoughts were interrupted by a commotion in the front hall and a shrill voice crying “Charles!” Bingley bolted upright. That was Caroline's voice. Surely he hadn't been dreaming for such a long time that she had received the message and come to Netherfield to demand an explanation. Glancing at the clock on the mantle, he saw that only a quarter of an hour had passed, which meant that she had left London far before the messenger had left Netherfield. He groaned as Caroline flung open his study door, posed in the doorway for a moment and then flounced into the room. As she gracefully settled herself into a chair, she exclaimed “Charles, darling! How are you dearest? I hope you don't mind that I came unannounced. I was simply stifling in the city. I find that the country can be so refreshing.”

While Charles was trying to figure out how to respond to such a reversal from her usual opinion, she continued. “Furthermore, I was talking to Lord ________ at Lady _____'s party last weekend, and he said that a lovely estate in Kent was for sale. Imagine that! Very beautifully situated and right near Mr. Darcy's aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Isn't that just wonderful! I know you can't plan on renting this place,” she waved a hand distastefully, “forever.” Charles bit his tongue to prevent himself from asking why she was here if she had such disdain for the place. Caroline finished her speech with a breathless demand for all the news. “Not that there can be much. What, did a barn cat have kittens?” She laughed delicately at her wit.

“Actually, Caroline, I do have news. I had just finished writing you a letter when you arrived.”

“Oh?” She arched an elegant eyebrow, “Do tell.”

“Miss Bennet has agreed to become my wife.”

“WHAT?” she hissed, her face paling under her rouge. She drew a breath to begin her angry tirade about Charles' duty to his family, but she stopped. This decision may have been influenced by the fact that Charles' normally affable countenance was suddenly grim, but she certainly wasn't going to admit that, even to herself. Imagine, submitting to her brother's will. It was laughable. Either way, she effusively began to offer her congratulations and make plans for the wedding. As the torrent of words flowed over him, Charles began to feel guilty for not telling Caroline about Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. She was going to find out soon, as Darcy was staying at Netherfield. He just didn't want to be the one to tell her. He knew she wouldn't react well and he didn't want to be around when she lost control. He was pondering bribing the servants to casually mention it in front of her when he heard a horse's hooves in the courtyard. He swallowed. That would be Mr. Darcy returning from his morning ride. Caroline rushed out to greet him and Charles retreated to the billiards room, ashamed of his cowardice and not at all anxious to meet Darcy.

Mr. Darcy dismounted and absent mindedly handed the reins to a stable boy. He was trying to determine how early he could visit Longbourn without looking like a lovesick fool. He was so wrapped up in these thoughts that he ran right into the figure that was scurrying towards him. “My apologies, miss….Miss Bingley?!” Caroline batted her eyelashes furiously and cooed, “Your apologies are accepted. Indeed, they are hardly necessary. I can guess what has distracted you so.”

“Indeed, I should imagine not.”

Out of politeness, Mr. Darcy took Miss Bingley's arm as they headed into the house. “You are endeavoring to devise a method to rescue Charles from this horrid engagement. I'm not sure how Miss Bennet managed to entrap him, but I have no doubt that you shall succeed in freeing him, especially with such incentive. Imagine being associated with that family!” Completely taken aback, Darcy dropped her arm and gaped. Oblivious, Miss Bingley continued to prattle about the “horrid engagement” and her faith that Mr. Darcy would “set matters right.” Mr. Darcy couldn't comprehend how she could say such things when she knew that he was planning to unite himself to the same family. Unless….. Suddenly, things began to make more sense. “Excuse me.” Darcy muttered and ran into the house to find Mr. Bingley. Baffled, Caroline followed, hiking up her skirts in order to keep up with his long strides.

Mr. Darcy stopped the first servant he saw and ascertained Mr. Bingley's location. After thanking her kindly, a gesture that confused Miss Bingley, he strode off to the billiards room, failing to notice Caroline scampering behind him.

The door to the billiards room opened and Darcy entered. “Charles,” he growled menacingly. “Darcy! How are you? Did you have a nice ride? I'm sure you did, the weather was quite lovely. I was afraid that it would be too chilly when you rode out, but it has warmed up considerably.” Mr. Bingley was babbling and he knew it. He stopped.

Mr. Darcy slammed the door. Outside, Caroline groaned. How was she supposed the hear anything properly through those thick doors? Inside, Mr. Darcy continued, “Charles, how long has your sister been here?”

“About half an hour.”

“And in that amount of time, you couldn't find a moment to inform her of my engagement? Perhaps you were too busy discussing the weather? Charles, I specifically asked you to tell her.” He fixed Bingley with his most supercilious glare. Mr. Bingley had been friends with Fitzwilliam long enough not to be affected, but he did feel bad about letting Darcy down.

“I'm sorry, but my news made her so unhappy, and I knew that when she heard your news she would be,” he paused “less than delighted.” Mr. Darcy smiled wryly at this tactful understatement. “Our double wedding might send her into hysterics.”

On the other side of the door, Caroline could only hear snippets of the conversation. “Your sister mumble mumble mumble engagement mumble mumble ask mumble cough” Speak up, Charles! “Unhappy mumble mumble be delighted mumble mumble double wedding” Caroline was in such a tizzy she almost fainted. Dear Mr. Darcy had just come to his senses and asked Charles for his permission to marry her! That explained his odd behavior in the courtyard. He had obviously been so entranced by her beauty that he had not been able to wait another minute. She ran, at a rather unladylike gait, to her room to start preparing for dinner. She needed to look breathtaking when he proposed.

Meanwhile, Darcy was pacing in the game room. “One of us has to tell her before dinner. It would be rather awkward if she didn't know before the Miss Bennets arrive.” The two eldest Miss Bennets were engaged to dine at Netherfield that night. It was the first time either of the gentlemen had truly been grateful for Mrs. Bennet's machinations. Somehow, she had managed to finagle it so that the only members of the dinner party would be the Miss Bennets and their fiancées. Well, and now Caroline. He turned to Charles “You're her brother, you should tell her.”

Charles shot his friend a nasty look, “Your graciousness astounds me. As you have said, Caroline is my sister, which means I love her deeply and will forgive her faults, a fact of which she is very well aware. If you should tell her, she will have to behave because you owe her no such loyalty. Please!!” Mr. Darcy had to laugh and then shook his head. “I will tell her. But you must be here to pick up the pieces.”

“Thank you!” Charles was grinning. It was said that he was too affable, too easygoing to be astute, but, as this conversation shows, his skill at using his amiability was often underestimated. He could convince people to do things before they were even aware that he was asking. Mr. Darcy summoned a footman and asked him to call Miss Bingley to them. The footman returned a few minutes later to inform him that the lady was indisposed. She had retired to her room and would not be available until dinner time. The gentlemen groaned. Darcy sent the footman back to tell Miss Bingley that guests from Longbourn would be dining with them that evening and telling her that he and Mr. Bingley had something they wished to discuss with her before the guests arrived.

When she received that message, Caroline was quite perturbed. First of all, guests would hinder Mr. Darcy's ability to ask her to marry him. Charles could be counted on to find an opportunity to leave them alone together but Mrs. Bennet and Jane would probably be to dense to understand any hints. These two were who Caroline assumed would be the guests from Longbourn, her brother's fiancée and a chaperone. Furthermore, she had already declined Mr. Darcy's request to come down. He had to learn that she would not submit to his whims. When she declined, she meant it. It was insupportable for him to question her a second time. He had to learn that, so she refused to come down when asked even thought she was afire with curiosity about the matter that needed to be discussed so urgently. She assumed that Mr. Darcy and Charles intended to finalize the engagement before the guests arrived, and wanted her to come to them so that Mr. Darcy could ask her. However eager Caroline was to get engaged, she felt that teaching Mr. Darcy the rules of their relationship was more important. If he got the wrong impression early on, it would take months to straighten things out, and she didn't have that kind of patience.

When the footman returned with her second message, the gentlemen were shocked. They didn't know why Caroline was being so capricious, but it was obvious that there would be no reasoning with her. The gentlemen looked at each other in dismay. Mr. Darcy spoke “If your sister does not know of my engagement to Miss Bennet before dinner…..”

Charles grimaced “I don't know which will be worse, Caroline's behavior or the girls' reaction. Jane is not going to be happy.” Mr. Darcy raised an eyebrow. “Jane isn't going to be happy? I dare not dream of what Elizabeth will say.” Mr. Bingley conceded that Mr. Darcy had more to fear from his beloved's lively temperament and the gentlemen spent the rest of the afternoon miserably contemplating the dinner that they had been anticipating so eagerly a few hours before.

Chapter 2

Posted on Friday, 28 January 2005

That evening, just as the Bennet carriage rolled to a stop in front of Netherfield, Caroline Bingley floated down the stairs, completely overdressed for the occasion. It must be admitted, however, that she looked stunning. She had chosen a light pink dress that complemented her pale skin and blonde hair perfectly. It was a pity that there was no one to notice. Elizabeth and Jane descended from the carriage and hastened towards their fiancées, faces aglow. When they saw Caroline waiting to greet them, expressions of surprise and puzzlement crossed their faces. An identical expression graced Caroline's face. Miss Eliza?? What was she doing here? She would throw off the number of gentlemen and ladies. And where was their chaperone? Surely Jane hadn't brought Elizabeth as a chaperone? Caroline hadn't thought her capable of such a skillful slight. Her respect for Jane grew immensely. All of the ladies recovered from their astonishment quickly, and hastened to greet each other. Elizabeth was puzzled when Caroline congratulated Jane profusely and ignored her completely. She hadn't expected Caroline to be thrilled, but she had assumed that the other woman was too well bred to show her disappointment. She looked at Mr. Darcy, to see how he was taking this snub. To her surprise, he looked more concerned than angry. Seeing her glance, Mr. Darcy managed a tight smile. As they walked into the house, Elizabeth used Mr. Bingley's nervous chatter as a screen to ask Mr. Darcy what worried him. He merely shook his head and murmured that he would tell her later. Frustrated, Elizabeth moved past him to join Caroline and Jane as they walked into parlor. As they entered, there was a rapid burst of the eye to eye communication involving all but Caroline, which resulted in Jane asking Caroline to show her some detail of a guest room across the house. Elizabeth was left alone with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley. Once Mr. Bingley finished his hurried, scattered apologetic explanation, Elizabeth looked from one grim face to the other and laughed. “Surely all this fuss is not about this?” She laughed again, harder this time. “Imagine, Mr. Bingley, being afraid of your own sister. I understand that she once might have cherished hopes ….” she trailed off tactfully. “In any event, she needs to be told. I give you until dessert, gentlemen. After that, I will tell her myself, and I doubt that that is the easiest way for her to hear the news.”

Before the gentlemen had a chance to respond, they heard Caroline and Jane returning. Caroline was apologizing furiously “. . . so sorry about not paying you more attention in London. I was very unwell. I was subject to terrible tremors. Often I would be confined to my room for hours and hours just shaking. . .” Jane, in her own sweet way, just smiled and said “I'm sorry to hear it.” As they entered the room, Caroline rushed to Mr. Darcy's side and began cooing, “Mr. Darcy, I was so disappointed not to see Georgiana at Lady _______'s party the other night. London society simply loses some of its sparkle when she is not there.” Mr. Darcy was accustomed to Caroline's attentions, but Elizabeth's presence made him exceedingly uncomfortable. Elizabeth, however, was watching with thinly veiled amusement. Elizabeth was not a particularly vindictive person, but after all Miss Bingley's snide remarks and her attempt to hurt Jane, Elizabeth thoroughly enjoyed watching Caroline making a fool of herself over a man who was already spoken for. However, she pitied Mr. Darcy, who seemed as if he was going to faint from embarrassment, so when dinner was announced Elizabeth rushed to claim his arm with an alacrity that bordered on discourtesy.

Caroline was completely taken aback. How dare that chit try to steal HER fiancé! Did her brazenness know no bounds? Her fury escalated as she realized that she had to enter the dining room alone. Miss Eliza had thrown off the number of men and women in the party and didn't even have the grace to accept the consequences.

When Caroline entered the dining room, she sat next to Jane, who was sitting at Charles' right. This placed her directly across from Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, who was sitting next to him on his right. As the food was served, the two couples began talking about a gathering at the Lucas's a few nights before. This excluded Caroline from the conversation, and gave her time to brood. Her anger towards Eliza Bennet and her presumption grew and grew. Look at her smiling and teasing Mr. Darcy! That should be her sitting there! Mr. Darcy loved her! Caroline could contain herself no longer. She broke into the conversation “Pray tell me, Eliza, what did your sister Lydia decide to name her child?” Stunned silence fell on the table. Caroline knew as well as the rest of them that Lydia had been married for only three months.

Rising to the occasion, Elizabeth smiled and said “You must be mistaken; none of my sisters has any children. As you know, Lydia is the only one of us who has married, and she has not been married more than three months.” Caroline smiled “I'm terribly sorry, I had heard that she was with child.” “Caroline!” snapped Charles. Elizabeth saw that Jane was terribly upset, so instead of showing how outraged she was, she said “It's fine, Mr. Bingley. Caroline was just worried about Lydia. I think it is sweet of her to show so much concern for her new sister.” Caroline paled when she heard Lydia referred to as her sister, but managed a tight smile. Angry and somewhat ashamed of herself, Caroline let the conversation turn to another subject. However, she was still fuming, and her anger had been exacerbated by the admonition of her brother, and when the subject of dancing came up, she turned to Miss Bennet and said sweetly “Perhaps you can help me, Miss Eliza, a friend of mine came to me asking for advice. You see she is in her early twenties, and she finds that many of the men she encounters at balls are younger than she is. This makes her feel very awkward and she was asking how one would handle such a situation. Perhaps you have some experiences that might help her?”

Darcy had opened his mouth to object, but Elizabeth cut him off, saying smoothly “I'm afraid I have no experience in such matters. But surely she asked you because she knew you would be knowledgeable enough to be able to advise her. Tell me, what did you say?” Caroline sputtered, but could not act insulted without admitting that she had meant the question as slander against Elizabeth. “I said, as you did, that I had never experienced that but I would ask around to see if anyone else could help her.”

The dinner continued in this manner. Caroline would inquire about Mrs. Bennet's nerves or Mr. Collin's chimney piece or something else intended as a subtle snub and Elizabeth would either pretend not to have noticed the insult or deflect it back onto Caroline. It went against Elizabeth's nature to take such abuse without replying in kind, but the sight of Jane's miserable face was enough to keep her scathing comments to herself. People can do amazing things for the ones they love so Elizabeth stayed silent for Jane and Fitzwilliam stayed silent for Elizabeth. Poor Charles tried to keep his sister in check, but she always insisted that she hadn't meant any insult to Miss Bennet and apologized most sincerely. No one could figure out why she was being so nasty to Elizabeth, as her flirting with Mr. Darcy showed that she still didn't know of Elizabeth's engagement.

Finally Elizabeth lost her temper. The comment that pushed her over the edge was a comment about her health. Miss Bingley mentioned that Elizabeth was looking more “solid” than the last time they had been together and inquired about her diet and asked if she was eating healthy enough. “It seems” Elizabeth snapped, “That there is no pleasing you. As I recall, the last time we met you thought I looked sickly and ill because I was too thin. Furthermore, there have been no changes in my figure since you saw me last!”

“Well!” sniffed Caroline, “It is not necessary to be so sharp. I am merely concerned for your health as any friend would be. Really, Miss Eliza, and I tell you this as a friend,” she leaned forward conspiratorially “You have a very quick tongue, and you should really learn to control it, especially when making people's acquaintance. Why after you the way you behaved when you stayed with us at Netherfield, I'm surprised Mr. Darcy even speaks to you at all. Really, it is a mark of his greatness that he was not offended by your impertinence.”

Remembering in what way the man in question had actually viewed her impertinence, Elizabeth was hard pressed to suppress a grin, her anger diffused by Miss Bingley's foolishness. Adopting her most solemn voice, she said “Oh, indeed. Where I would be without Mr. Darcy's graciousness and generosity of spirit, I really do not know. I should be desolate.” Mr. Darcy let out a strangled sound that might have been a laugh in another life, and quickly turned to Charles to ask him to pass the …ummm…. whatever was in that bowl there. Charles looked at him in astonishment “You want me to pass the turnips? But you hate turnips! In fact, I don't even know why these are on the table.” Darcy thought quickly. “Well…uh…they aren't for me. Elizabeth wants some.”

“But Elizabeth hates turnips.”

Shaking with suppressed laughter, Elizabeth decided to rescue Fitzwilliam.” Yes Jane, I do hate turnips, but I felt so bad that no one was eating them that I decided to have some. We wouldn't want to insult Mrs. Hemming.”

Everyone at the table stared at her in disbelief. She smiled and helped herself to a heaping serving. She took a bite, and attempted to smile. It came out as more of a grimace and when she tried to swallow, she gagged. Stuck with a mouthful of hideous mush, determined not to spit out her food in front of Caroline Bingley, Elizabeth glowered at Fitzwilliam. It was his fault she was in this predicament. He looked away, trying not to laugh. In the end, Elizabeth managed to swallow the turnips and Jane spent the rest of the dinner discussing fashion with Caroline so that Elizabeth was free of harassment.

Chapter 3A

Posted on Tuesday, 1 February 2005

As dinner was wrapping up, Elizabeth kept waiting for someone to tell Caroline about her engagement. The gentlemen's deadline was approaching fast. Mr. Darcy cleared his throat and moved as if to stand, but Charles waved to him to sit down. Confused, but glad that he was no longer saddled with the responsibility of being the bearer of bad news, he sat. Suddenly, Charles announced that they had tarried over their dinner for so long that there would not be time for dessert and suggested that they adjourn to the parlor. Furious, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam stopped Charles before he left the dining room.

“What is the meaning of this foolishness?” demanded Fitzwilliam.

“You realize that this will not stop me from telling her, don't you?” put in Elizabeth.

“I'm truly sorry to inconvenience you Miss Bennet, Darcy, but Caroline is obviously in a foul mood tonight and I do not wish Jane to bear the brunt of her displeasure. I shall tell her after you leave.”

“Bingley, this is ridiculous!”

“You underestimate my sister, Mr. Bingley, and she would not thank you for doing so. She is not made of glass. She is a strong woman, who has overcome more than you can ever know, including some things that were caused by your actions, and the spite of your sister, while it would grieve her, would be nothing. She will not thank you for this, especially since it causes me so much hurt.”

“Nonetheless, it is my house and I have made my decision. Miss Bennet, you have given your word and if you do not feel bound by your honor, I would suggest you think of your sister and her happiness. Darcy, as my friend, I expect you to abide by my wishes.” (It seems that Mr. Bingley had learned more than a love of horse riding from his imperious friend.)

“That was base, Mr. Bingley. To think, I mistook you for a gentleman.” Elizabeth turned on her heel and rushed from the room. Darcy turned to follow her. “Darcy, I'm sorry, but I …” “I have nothing to say to you, Mr. Bingley”

Let it be noted that Charles Bingley was not a coward. While he was not eager to deal with his sister, neither was he afraid of her. Actually, it was quite the opposite. It takes a person with a great deal of strength to face either Elizabeth Bennet or Fitzwilliam Darcy when they are enraged. To deal with both at once is a remarkable feat. The fact of the matter is that Mr. Bingley was torn apart by the idea that he had ever caused Jane any pain. It gave him nightmares, and he had sworn that he would never let anything hurt her again while he could prevent it. Now his actions this night were completely misguided, and Elizabeth was right, Jane wouldn't thank him, but he couldn't help himself. He was blinded by his love and all he could see was Jane.

As Darcy was walking into the sitting room where the ladies were, he heard Miss Bingley say snidely, “How sweet, Miss Bennet. You pay so much attention to the wedding details one would think it was yours.”

Elizabeth was about to demur when Jane said, confusedly, “Haven't you heard? It is. Elizabeth and I are going to have a double wedding.” Miss Bingley blanched. “Really? .... Oh my….I had no…I can't believe Charles didn't tell me….well,” she swallowed hard, “Congratulations. Who is your fiancé?”

Elizabeth smiled at this unlikely solution to her problem and turned to Miss Bingley “Actually, you know him quite well. My fiancé is Mr. Darcy”

Caroline let out a shrill of hysterical laughter “Oh, Miss Bennet! You are such a wit.”

“What is so funny, Caroline?” asked Mr. Bingley, who had just entered the room.

“Miss Bennet made the cutest joke. She said she was engaged to marry Mr. Darcy!” She let another peal of that eerie laughter which held no mirth.

Mr. Darcy broke in disapprovingly “I fail to see what is so funny about my engagement to Miss Bennet” At the same time, Charles said wildly “What? Who told her?”

“Jane did.” Elizabeth was triumphant.

The reactions of Mr. Darcy and her brother confirmed what Caroline had feared all along. Miss Bennet had not been speaking in jest. She turned, furious, to the gentleman standing by the doorway “This isn't possible! I heard you this afternoon! You were…”but she knew before she said it that the double wedding they had been discussing had been hers. “How could you do this? Have you forgotten everything? Duty? Honor? Your family? Have you forgotten your sister? All for this ...girl” she spat the word, disgusted by the woman it referred to. “Sure, she's pretty now but give her a few years…”

“That is enough, Miss Bingley! I will not allow you to question my morals nor Miss Bennet's worth.” Mr. Darcy had retreated behind the mask he presented to society, stiff and imposing, trying to keep control of his temper. Years of self-discipline were the only things that stood between Caroline Bingley and a severe tongue lashing. She turned to Elizabeth “And you…. I don't know what you've done to ensnare him, you shameless hussy…”

“Caroline!”

“Miss Bingley!”

Elizabeth clenched her jaw. This was ridiculous. The room had descended into utter chaos. “Perhaps it would be best if we continued this conversation in the hall, Miss Bingley.” Caroline narrowed her eyes, but swept out of the room anyway. Elizabeth closed the door behind them.

“You brazen county nothing! You may have bewitched him for the moment, but it won't last. He'll see where true value lies. He'll see that you have none of the skills he needs to help him in society.”

“Did it occur to you, Miss Bingley, that Mr. Darcy might be looking for something in a marriage besides social mobility?”

“Do you really think he is in love with you? You are sillier than I thought. He is mine. He has always belonged to me and he will return to me. You are nothing more than a pretty face to him; you have none of the qualities he desires. You are a trifle, Miss Bennet. He will tire of you soon enough. Do you imagine he will risk his family's displeasure for you?” She gave a short laugh, “Not likely.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath, remembering the pain she had felt when she thought she had lost him forever. She imagined that this was something akin to what Miss Bingley was feeling and tried to pity her. “I imagine that you are hurting, indeed, I know the pain of losing the one you think you love, but there is no need to be rude…”

Caroline continued as if she hadn't spoken. “I knew you had aspirations, but this is absurd. Are you to be Mistress of Pemberley? Are you to preside over his great house in London? It is laughable!”

Unnoticed by the women, Darcy, Charles and Jane had come into the hallway just in time to hear Elizabeth's next comment.

“Mr. Darcy has been managing his estate for years without a wife. I hear he has excellent housekeepers, I doubt he would marry just to find another. I must say Miss Bingley, you have interesting priorities. So far you have mentioned his connections and his estate. You have said nothing about the man himself. Or does he not matter to you?”

Caroline's face contorted with rage, “You fortune seeking little tramp! How dare you!” Provoked beyond control, she reached up and slapped Elizabeth with all her strength. Elizabeth stumbled back as Mr. Darcy literally roared “CAROLINE BINGLEY! Thus far your status as a lady and your position as the sister of my friend have protected you, but this has gone too far. You have revealed that you are not a lady but a spoiled brat with the tongue of a viper and you shall be treated as such. You have disgraced yourself and your family. I have NEVER been so appalled. You have behaved in a vile manner that would embarrass even the lowest rogue in the streets. You are not half the woman Elizabeth is, nor can you ever hope to be. You are not fit for polite company. Get out.” Miss Bingley fled.

Elizabeth, who had by this time stood up with Jane's help, turned to Mr. Bingley with tears in her eyes “Your sister finds the excitement of the evening too much for her. She has retired for the evening. I find that I too am not feeling my best. I believe I shall step outside for a moment. Alone.” She walked down the hall with as much dignity as she could muster, and Jane followed, disregarding her request for solitude. Charles turned to Darcy but Mr. Darcy cut him off “Not now, Charles.” He ran his hand through his hair, went into the library and poured himself a brandy. He had not even taken a sip when Jane came running into the room, near tears.

“Mr. Darcy, you'd better go out to Elizabeth. I've never seen her like this. I can't get her to listen to a word I say.”

Chapter 3B

Posted on Saturday, 5 February 2005

Jane came running into the room, near tears.

“Mr. Darcy, you'd better go out to Elizabeth. I've never seen her like this. I can't get her to listen to a word I say.”

Mr. Darcy rushed out of the room with out a word. As he rushed through the hallways of Netherfield, he was beside himself with worry. This is saying something since that description is usually reserved for Mrs. Bennet. As he headed across the lawn, he could see Elizabeth in a small copse by the side of the driveway pacing and muttering furiously. Once she stopped to viciously kick a stone out of her way. Fitzwilliam was a bit surprised. It seemed to him that Elizabeth was behaving quite normally for a woman who had been treated as she had. From Jane's reaction, he had assumed she would be threatening to set the house afire or something equally dramatic. Nevertheless, he approached cautiously. Hearing him coming, Elizabeth turned and said bitterly “Coming to see the show? Come watch me be completely irrational, free of charge. That is if I don't frighten you away like I did with Jane.”

“Elizabeth, that's…”

“Ridiculous? Oh, I know. It seems that I've taken leave of my senses. Heaven forefend I actually express anger at my mistreatment. I'm acting as badly as Miss Bingley.”

“Did Jane actually say that?” Mr. Darcy asked incredulously.

“No, but she thought it. You should have seen the look on her face. She was positively horrified, as if I had turned into some monster.”

Elizabeth resumed her pacing as Darcy made an objection to the term monster. She continued as if she hadn't heard him “I'm the one who is behaving badly! Me!! That …that…woman struck me! She called me a tramp…a hussy…. She said I was a fortune hunter! This was after an HOUR of insulting comments and veiled snubs, and I'm the one at fault for being upset! And her brother! That fatuous, overbearing, tyrannical, jerk with delusions of grandeur decides that he can make decisions for me because it's his house. He doesn't even own it!! He's renting!! What a fool. He should have known better. Jane isn't stupid and she doesn't need to be treated like a child! Besides, she's loved me much longer than she's loved him and she isn't going to just forget me because she's marrying him. She would never sacrifice my happiness just to spare someone a bit of unease. The idiot!! A lot of good his decrees did anyway, his sister still threw a fit a ruined the evening.”

Every time Elizabeth insulted Caroline or Charles, she glanced over at Darcy to see if she had shocked him yet. He wasn't shocked though, as a general rule, he agreed with her. Enraged, she turned on him. “And you!! A lot of help you were! Thanks for your effort defending my honor. You just sat there and let that sorry excuse for a human being insult me every few minutes. No wonder she was so surprised when she heard we were engaged. Most people defend the people they love when they are attacked. I know its asking a bit much, but I thought you might be able to rouse yourself for some sort of objection. Obviously not.”

Darcy interrupted her “Elizabeth, that's not fair. You know I tried because every time, you stopped me.”

“Fair? You want to know what isn't fair? Sitting in a room with the people who are supposed to be closest to you in the world and watching as they sit and listen to you be attacked repeatedly and don't do anything about it.” Tears of rage and frustration began to spill down her cheeks.

“Elizabeth…”

“Aaaaaagh!” Screaming in frustration, she grabbed the forgotten glass of brandy from his hand and threw it against the nearest tree. It exploded and the shards of crystal and drops of brandy sparkled in the light from the house as they flew through the air. Suddenly defeated, she began to cry. “Jane was right to be horrified.” she sobbed “Look at me. I'm behaving like a spoiled child.”

“No, you aren't!” He grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her face so she was looking at him. “You are absolutely justified to feel this way. You were abominably mistreated and not just by Caroline Bingley. You're right; you were failed by the people you should have been able to depend on. None of us helped you when you needed us most.”

Undone by the pain in her eyes, he gathered her in his arms, ignoring propriety completely. He held her as she sobbed out her pain and frustration, stroking her hair and murmuring soothing phrases. He never told her that `everything would be okay' or whispered `Shhhh', but allowed her to vent everything on his shoulder. When she finished and hiccupping, he said quietly, “That was a magnificent throw. I'm impressed.” Her wet laugh was muffled by his shoulder and she pulled back and said sternly “Stop making me laugh! I'm trying to be upset.” He gave her his most courtly bow and said “My humblest apologies, miss. I shall endeavor never to make you laugh again.” She smiled weakly and then broader as she looked at him fondly. “I love you,” she whispered. Laughing at the joyful surprise in his eyes, she said “I've never said it before, have I? I do. I love you so much. I can't do without you.” Needing his touch, she stepped back into his arms, nestling her head under his chin. “You are my destiny, Fitzwilliam Darcy.” Stunned into silence, Fitzwilliam couldn't do anything but hold her tighter. He felt her arms tighten around him, and silently gave thanks for this miraculous creature. He had never imagined a greater joy, even in the midst of this turmoil, than he felt holding her right then. He had not expected this emotion from her. He knew that she admired and respected him. She would never have agreed to marry him if she didn't, but he hadn't allowed himself to hope that she felt the same fervor that he did. He couldn't believe that she had given him this love so freely, especially after he had failed her so horribly in the house. He was completely overwhelmed, and they stood in the dark holding each other, healing each other.

After awhile, she drew back reluctantly and said “I think that it is time I went home. Would you please go inside and have our carriage brought out and ask Jane if she is ready to leave?”

“It's a bit cold out, won't you wait inside?” Unwilling to let her go, he drew her arm through his and placed his hand over hers. She looked up at him grimly “I won't be crossing that threshold again tonight or any time in the near future.” Darcy understood and, although he didn't like leaving her alone, he went into the house to look for Charles and Jane.

Chapter 4

Posted on Sunday, 6 February 2005

While Elizabeth and Darcy were working things out in the yard, Jane and Bingley had been having their own discussion in the library. Poor Jane was very confused. She had not been part of the plan to tell, or not to tell, Caroline about Elizabeth's engagement, and she was not aware of what had happened during dinner. Caroline's attack on Lydia had presented a problem that Jane had not perceived when she had agreed to marry Charles. She had forgotten that Elizabeth and Caroline did not get along, and she was greatly troubled by the idea that her sisters would not love each other. She spent the dinner contemplating different ways of reconciling them, only half attending Charles as he talked to her. Charles spent most of the dinner engaging Jane in conversations so she would not notice the interactions going on around them. Any other day, she would have noticed immediately, but she was so concerned by the prospect of her marriage making either Caroline or Elizabeth unhappy, that she did not tonight. Therefore, she was still confused by the evening's events. As Darcy ran out of the room, Jane turned to Bingley, “Oh! It was horrible; I've never seen Elizabeth this upset. She was so hurtful!”

Bingley drew her down to sit on the couch beside him, listening sympathetically. “She was pacing and just talking and talking about how horrible Caroline was. I don't suppose we can blame her for that, for your sister did behave badly, but half the time I didn't even understand her. She said `I don't suppose your lovely Mr. Bingley is pleased now. His grand scheme seems to have failed. I wonder if he blames me for this…it would be just like him.' What did she mean Charles? What scheme? And what would you blame her for?”

Charles stood up and walked across the room. He turned to her, fiddling with his shirt cuffs, and said, very formally, “There are some things about this evening you should know.” He launched into the story of the entire day, starting with Caroline's unexpected arrival at Netherfield. The entire time, he kept his eyes on the fire, as if he expected his salvation to come leaping out of it at any moment. When he recounted his conversation with Elizabeth while Jane had been out of the room with Caroline, Jane stopped him, saying warily, “But you cancelled dessert, before anyone told your sister about Elizabeth's engagement. Why did you do that?”

Miserably, Charles continued, “I could tell that Caroline was in a terrible mood and I didn't want her to be told because I knew she would react badly.”

“But she had already been quite rude when she asked about Lydia, why wouldn't you tell her to keep her from acting worse?”

Charles took a deep breath and looked at his hands. “I didn't want you to hear.” He was speaking very quickly now, rushing so that she would hear everything he had to say. “I saw how upset you were when she asked about Lydia and I didn't want you to hear anything else. I thought that if I could tell her after you left that she would calm down before she saw you again and then you would not be upset. I just didn't want her to hurt you.”

“But by not telling her, you gave her the opportunity to continue to mistreat Elizabeth. You should have heard her taunting Elizabeth with the wedding details.”

“I know.”

Stunned, Jane said very slowly, “So you …sacrificed my sister's happiness to protect me from a few moments of unease.”

“It wasn't like that!” he said desperately. “You don't understand. I could see that you were upset, and I know that you don't show your emotions, so if I could see it, then it must be tearing you up and I couldn't let that happen if I had a way to stop it and I knew that Elizabeth could handle Caroline she'd been doing it all through dinner.”

“What do mean all through dinner?”

Charles swallowed and said hesitantly “Caroline was taking swipes at Elizabeth during dinner, but Elizabeth managed to disregard her most of the time.” She turned her face away, not sure how to react. “I love you so much, Jane, that I just couldn't stand it. I just….I wasn't strong enough, Jane. I wasn't strong enough to let you get hurt. I knew that I wasn't doing right by Elizabeth and Darcy, and that hurt, but,” he sighed “It would have killed me to stand by while you were hurting.”

Jane sat numbly on the couch, gazing into the fire. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. She didn't know how to react. She knew that Charles had thought he had been acting for the best, but he had knowingly betrayed her sister and his best friend. She could hear the pain in his voice as he begged her to say something, but she remembered the pain in Elizabeth's eyes as well. Her heart was tearing into pieces. She wanted to tell Charles that everything would be alright and that she forgave him and he didn't have to worry. She wanted to comfort him and wipe the tears from his cheeks, but she couldn't because that would be disloyal to Elizabeth.

Bingley was lost. He had told Jane everything and had expected her to be upset or angry or anything. Instead she sat silently. Except for a few quiet questions during the story, she hadn't moved or spoken at all. Unable to bear her silence any longer, he knelt by the couch, and took her hand. Slowly, in a daze, she turned to look at him.

“Please, Jane, tell me what you are thinking.”

“I don't know what I'm thinking.” As she regained her focus, she frowned, “I would have thought you would have given me a bit more credit than that. I certainly handled her outburst when it did come.”

“I know. It wasn't that I didn't think you couldn't handle it, but I didn't want you to have to handle it at all. I was wrong. I'm sorry.”

Softly she said, “You agreed to tell Caroline before dessert finished or to let Elizabeth tell her. You broke your promise.”

“Well, technically…”

She finally looked at him and said, gently but with a tone of reproach, “Gentlemen don't deal in technicalities, Charles.”

Mr. Bingley's heart broke. It shattered into pieces like the glass that Elizabeth had thrown. “Jane…” he choked out.

Her eyes filled with tears when she saw his agony, “Charles, I don't know what to think. I don't know how to feel. I can't choose between you and Elizabeth. I just can't. Please just leave me alone. I need to figure this out on my own. I'm sorry”

Blindly, he stumbled from the room and as he shut the door he heard her whisper, in anguished tones, “I love you too, Charles.”

He was unable to leave her completely and he paced the hall for an eternity and a half before he heard Darcy in the hall, ordering a servant to call for the Bennet's carriage.

As Darcy came down the hallway, he saw Charles wandering as if lost in front of the library door. He rushed forward “Jane won't talk to me! She could hardly bear to look at me. She…she called me…” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “ungentlemanly.” Darcy gave a short laugh and said coldly “That's nothing. Elizabeth called you a `fatuous, overbearing, tyrannical, jerk with delusions of grandeur,' and you haven't even heard what I'm going to say.” Charles winced, and Darcy, feeling some pity for his friend, said “Jane will forgive you, even though you don't deserve it. If you would excuse me, I need to talk to Miss Bennet.”

He knocked on the library door and entered. Jane was sitting exactly as Charles had left her, staring at the spot on the carpet where he had knelt. “Miss Bennet,” he said gently “Elizabeth wishes to know if you are ready to leave. I have ordered your carriage. I would have asked you first, but Elizabeth refuses to enter the house and I do not want her to stay any longer in the cold.”

Trying to pull herself together, Jane said “Yes. That will be fine.” She followed him out of the library and left without a word to Charles who was waiting anxiously by the door.

When she reached the front door, Elizabeth was already waiting in the carriage. Mr. Darcy handed her in, and the carriage rolled away. The two sisters sat in silence the entire ride home. Elizabeth felt that Jane condemned her for her actions and was hurt and angry, and Jane still hadn't worked out how she felt and didn't want to talk to anyone, especially Elizabeth, until she did. Altogether, it was a miserable journey. Charles and Fitzwilliam watched the carriage until it was out of sight and then turned into the house. Neither said anything as they headed up the stairs to their bedrooms. Charles was too miserable and broken to say anything, and Darcy was burning with a white hot rage and he knew he would say something he would regret if he spoke now. Neither thought to check on Caroline before they retired for the night.

Chapter 5

Posted on Tuesday, 8 February 2005

Caroline Bingley was not about to sit quietly and wait until her brother came, probably with Mr. Darcy, to chastise her for her actions. She had no intention of sitting around and watching people glare at her until her brother's wedding. She had a plan. When she heard her brother retire for the night, she began packing her things, for she would have to move quickly if she was to leave before dawn. Suddenly, she had a flash of inspiration and called her maid to her. The two spent some time planning Caroline's escape.

Mr. Darcy was lying awake in his bed, when he heard the clatter of carriage wheels. He leapt up, threw on some clothes and ran down the stairs. He met Charles, in a similar state of dishabille, on the landing. They saw a carriage just rolling out of the gate and a single rider galloping full speed down the lane in the opposite direction. The grooms had already readied their horses. Darcy leapt on his and headed for the rider, leaving Charles to catch the carriage. Thinking quickly, Charles ordered one of his footmen to take a horse and cut through the fields to cut off the rider.

The footman, whose name was James, reached the rider before Mr. Darcy and grabbed the reins of the chestnut from the oddly dressed figure on its back. Caroline Bingley was wearing her maid's dress and wearing a black silk scarf over her fair hair. She had tinted her face with her makeup, giving herself wrinkles and dark circles under her eyes. It had been excruciating for her to destroy her beauty in this way, but it was better than the alternative.

“Miss Bingley?” asked the footman incredulously.

“Unhand me, wretch. I do not know this Miss Bingley of whom you speak! I am Clarissa de Leon and I am on an important mission to France, which you are endangering.” The poor footman was quite confused, for he was willing to swear that this was the master's sister, but she certainly wasn't acting like the master's sister. As he stood there uncertainly, `Clarissa' ripped the reins from his hand and would have galloped off had Mr. Darcy not ridden up just at the moment.

“What is going on here?” he demanded furiously. Caroline realized that her charade had ended. There was no way she would be able to convince Mr. Darcy that she was Clarissa de Leon. Perhaps, she could just tell him she was leaving and he wouldn't need to know about her false identity. Just then the footman spoke up, “Said she's goin' to France, sir, and says her name is Clarissa de somethin' or t'other.”

“Thanks you, James. I appreciate your help. You may go home now.” He turned to Caroline, his patience exhausted from her antics this evening combined with this little adventure in the cold, wet night. “What do you think you're doing?” He looked at her outfit and said, “Never mind. I don't care. Just come with me.”

Caroline pouted. “I shall not. I am not returning to Netherfield. I am leaving, and you will not stop me.”

Darcy raised a skeptical eyebrow, “Oh no? Listen here, you will be returning to Netherfield. You can either ride yourself, or I will throw you over this horse with your head on one side and your feet on the other and carry you there. Do I make myself perfectly clear? “

Caroline flushed, “You wouldn't dare.”

“Oh wouldn't I?” He had dismounted and started to swing her off her horse before she could even think. “Stop!” she shrieked. “I'll ride myself!”

Later, Caroline, Charles and Darcy were gathered in the parlor trying to decide what to do next. More specifically, Charles and Darcy were trying to decide what to do with Caroline, who was sulking. Charles was explaining that the carriage had been full of Caroline's trunk and her maid, Abigail, who had instructions to wait at Louisa's house in London until Caroline sent her word. It was unclear if Caroline had actually intended to flee to France, and she wouldn't say. Mr. Darcy, who did not appreciate being disturbed in the middle of the night, was not in an agreeable mood. After a few rude comments, Charles finally snapped, “If you're going to be so unpleasant, Darcy, you can go to bed.”

“I'd still BE in bed, if your sister hadn't decided to play dress up and go masquerading as Juan Ponce de Leon.”*

Caroline thought she would take advantage of the gentlemen's distraction, and began to sneak out of the room. Charles saw her out of the corner of his eye and whirled around. “Sit DOWN, Caroline!” She sat and he turned back to Darcy. “I know you aren't pleased with the way this evening turned out, but…”

“Pleased? I couldn't be farther from pleased if I was……Sit down, woman, or I WILL tie you to that chair!”

“You wouldn't dare,” Caroline hissed.

Mr. Darcy pressed his fingers to his temples where he could feel a massive headache brewing. “I believe we have established that indeed I will dare.” He turned back to Charles. “I really don't want to deal with this right now. Will you please lock your sister in her room so we can go to bed?”

Charles looked at him oddly for a second and then started to laugh. Darcy glowered at him for a moment and Charles hastened to explain. “I'm sorry, but you have no idea how odd that sentence sounded. I'll just add that to my list of things to do before I go to bed. Lock the doors, check to make sure the candles are blown out and lock my sister in her room.” Darcy had to smile, “I see what you mea….Caroline Bingley, I warned you!” He walked over to the window and pulled off the sash that was holding back the drapes. “I'm sorry, Charles, but she was asking for this.” He tied Miss Bingley's arms behind her back and then tied them to the back of the chair. Caroline was indignant, “Charles! Are you going to let this savage do this to me!! I am a lady!” Mr. Bingley only said, “Don't tie the knots too tight, Darcy.”

Caroline was naturally quite put out by this development and voiced her resentment quite shrilly. “Charles Bingley! I am still your older sister and I will not stand for this. Untie me, this instant! You will be sorry! When Louisa hears of this, she will be outraged. She will have Hurst challenge you to a duel and then…” She paused here, because it was quite obvious to everyone present that Bingley could beat Hurst with his eyes closed hopping on one foot. “And then you shall kill him and Louisa will be distraught and you will have broken up the family and disgraced our father's memory and…”

It was obvious that she had touched a nerve with that sentence; Charles stiffened, turned and barked “That is quite enough, Caroline! If you do not cease your yelping, I shall have Darcy gag you as well!”

“I cannot believe you! When did you learn to be so cruel? You are cold and heartless and…” In her agitation, Caroline knocked over her chair and ended in a heap on the floor with the chair on top of her. Although it was tempting to leave her shrieking on the floor, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy set her aright. Bingley turned to Darcy and said, “I think you are right. We shall accomplish nothing when she is in this state. I suggest we retire for the night.” Reluctantly, they untied her. It took both of them, because as soon as she got a hand free, Caroline tried to smack her brother. Charles had to hold her down while Fitzwilliam untied her other hand. They marched her up the stairs, with Caroline fighting like a mad thing the entire time. Charles locked her in her room and sighed, turning to Darcy and saying “I never imagined there would be a time when I would have to lock my sister in her room like a criminal.” Darcy, who still had not forgiven Charles for his actions earlier, just shook his head sympathetically and went down the hall to his room.

The scene at the Bennet household was much more tranquil. The entire family was in bed, except for Elizabeth, who prowled around her room like a caged lioness. She was far too restless to sleep. She felt too much to stay still. She was ecstatic and furious and miserable and comforted and every extreme. She was still enraged about how she had been treated that evening, but those thoughts led to how wonderful Fitzwilliam had been when he comforted her, how understanding. That brought her to the joy in his eyes when she told him she loved him. Then she would sink into a chair and sigh and think about how joyful and warm and giddy he made her feel, and she would reach up and touch her hair, remembering how good it had felt when he had run his fingers through it. This would lead to more sighing and dreaming, but then she would compare his reaction to Jane's and leap to her feet, angry and hurt again. This cycle repeated itself a few times before she realized just how silly she was being and decided to run down to the parlor to get the book she was reading. As she headed down the hall, she heard muffled crying from Jane's room. Elizabeth may have been hurt and angry, but nothing could keep her from her sister when she was hurting.

“Jane?” she inquired tentatively.

“Everything is fine, Elizabeth. Go back to sleep.”

“Don't lie to me, Jane Bennet! You may think that my behavior tonight was horrible and unprovoked and I may disagree, but I'm not going to let you shut me out. You're upset and I'm going to help you and that's final.”

Jane looked at Elizabeth in complete shock. “I don't think your behavior was wrong or unprovoked. I completely understand why you were upset.”

Feeling a bit disoriented, Elizabeth sat down hard on the bed. “But you ran away from me…and you wouldn't even look at me in the carriage.”

Jane began to weep afresh, her lovely cheeks marred by tears “I never blamed you, I'm just so confused. I don't know where to turn.” Elizabeth gathered her in her arms and held her and began to sing a lullaby their mother had sung when they were very little. She couldn't help but reflect on the irony of the situation. She, who had been so lovingly consoled less than an hour before, was now providing the comfort. Haltingly, Jane explained that she had not been horrified, but confused by Elizabeth's actions at Netherfield. Since she didn't know what had happened between Elizabeth and Charles, she didn't understand what Elizabeth meant, and she was worried that Elizabeth might be so upset that she was losing her senses. Jane said that Elizabeth's attacks on Charles had upset her because she didn't understand why Elizabeth would target Charles. She paused here and almost began to cry, but recovered and said, “That's why I'm so confused. I should be angry at Charles, because he did a horrible thing, but I'm not and then I feel bad that I'm not because you're my sister and I should stick up for you, but he just looked so sad and I don't know what to do and I would NEVER have imagined that he would be so …so…ungentlemanly as to sacrifice your happiness and Mr. Darcy's, who is his closest friend, just to protect me and I'm upset because he underestimates me and he treated me like a child but on the other hand it really is sweet that he was so concerned but..” Jane said this entire paragraph without taking a breath and was about to start another when Elizabeth interrupted her. “Take a deep breath. Good. Now take another one. Now listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy and I will work out our problems. You don't have to take sides at all. I would never ask you to choose between me and Mr. Bingley. I understand that you love him and could never turn your back on him, even if his actions weren't the most honorable because his intentions were good. No one will blame you for that. As long as he's sorry, and you really do forgive him for underestimating you, don't stay angry for my sake. I wouldn't want you miserable because of my grievance.”

It hurt Elizabeth to say that. She meant it, because she never would ask Jane to choose, but a small selfish part of her missed the time when Jane could be counted on to leap to her defense unequivocally. She was jealous of Jane's divided loyalties even though she shouldn't be, even though her own loyalties were divided.

Jane smiled weakly “Thanks, Lizzie. That makes me feel better. I'm still angry at him, but I'm glad that you don't blame me for wanting to forgive him. I should have known you would understand.”

Elizabeth lay down next to her sister and pulled her close, suppressing all of her less charitable thoughts, and that was how Mrs. Bennet found them the next morning, although not until after she had roused the household screaming that Elizabeth had been kidnapped by gypsies. Apparently, this was the only conclusion she could draw from the empty bed and an unlocked window.

*Juan Ponce de Leon was a Spanish explorer who lived around 1460 to 1521. He discovered Florida in his quest for the Fountain of Youth. Well, discovered in the sense that he was the first European.....definitely not the first person. ;)

Chapter 6

Posted on Monday, 28 March 2005

Gypsies notwithstanding, Elizabeth woke in a foul mood. Her head ached from the chaos of the night before and she felt drained both physically and emotionally. Having to listen to her mother's tirade just as she woke up had not improved her temperament. As she was heading down to breakfast, Mary caught up to her in the hall.

“Elizabeth, you really should sleep in your own room. Sleeping with Jane is a childish habit, and it is necessary to give up our childish pursuits as we grow older and turn our minds towards more lofty ideals. Some of the best theologians have written about this subject. Indeed, I have often read that…”

“Oh do be quiet, Mary! You know nothing about it!”

As Elizabeth reached the dining room, she heard Kitty giggling uncontrollably. Suddenly, the prospect of facing her entire family was too much for her to bear. She ducked into the kitchen, grabbed some bread and headed outside to walk off her irritation.

Breakfast at Netherfield was a dismal event. Charles and Fitzwilliam still weren't really speaking to each other and Caroline was eating in her room. After breakfast, Charles let Caroline out of her room, and the two siblings met Darcy in the parlor. Caroline was somewhat subdued. Her entire perception of Mr. Darcy had been shattered, and she didn't know how he would react anymore.

Darcy stood staring out the window. He had no desire to be present for this. If it had been up to him, he would have let Caroline run to France the night before. The only reason he had chased her down was because he knew that the scandal it would cause would hurt Mr. Bingley terribly. He may have been furious with Mr. Bingley, but his sense of loyalty would not allow him abandon him. Further conversation with Caroline's maid this morning, facilitated by a bit of bribery, had revealed that Caroline had been intending to sneak off in order to frighten Charles. She planned on remaining in hiding for a few weeks so that he would be incredibly worried about her and realize how badly he had mistreated her, and then, when she felt he was appropriately sorry, she would reveal herself to him and accept his apologies. She had worn the disguise in order to fool anyone who saw her riding away, to thwart Charles' search for her.

Now, Mr. Bingley started the conversation, “Caroline, what did you think you were doing last night? You know that I would let you leave anytime, but you can't just sneak away in the middle of the night. Don't you know what people would think? It would be all over town within days that you had run away with your Italian paramour or something silly like that. If you are not happy staying at Netherfield, I will help you make provisions to return to London.”

Carrying herself like a wounded queen, Caroline said stiffly, “Thank you. I will not be returning to London. I will be joining my friend Mrs._________ at her estate in Scotland and staying with her for a few weeks. I was planning on returning to London and taking Louisa's carriage, but if you are offering yours I accept the offer. If you will excuse me.” She swept from the room. Darcy had not moved from his position at the window. When the last clicks of her heels on the floor had completely receded, Fitzwilliam moved towards the door. The atmosphere in the house was absolutely suffocating, so he had decided to go riding.

Before he reached the door, Charles' voice stopped him. “You're the only one who hasn't berated me for last night. I assume this is because of a lack of opportunity and not a lack of things to say. I wish you would just come out and say what you are thinking as I would prefer to get this over with.”

Darcy was completely taken aback. Charles sounded put out, as if Fitzwilliam was being ridiculous for being angry at what had happened. He turned slowly “Excuse me? This is not something you can dictate. I will talk to you when, and if, I feel like it. Didn't you learn your lesson last night? I think that was a clear example of what happens when you try to control things that you shouldn't.”

Charles leapt to his feet, “Oh will that be your manner of attack then? Sarcasm? How brave. Characteristic though. Instead of just facing the problem, you dodge the issue and make snide, passive-aggressive remarks. Anyway, you're not one to talk about trying to dictate other people's lives. If I remember correctly, you have some experience in that matter. Or have you forgotten your actions of last winter?”

Fitzwilliam just stood and stared.“D*mn it, Charles! That was a mistake! At least, I had your best interests in mind. But it doesn't matter, because you will not make this about what I have done. We are talking about you and your abominable behavior last night.”

“My `abominable behavior'? Who do you think you are, my father? I don't need your approval or your permission. Who put you in a position to judge me? I didn't do anything wrong. I protected the woman I love as best as I could; I don't see anything wrong with that.”

“You betrayed me and Elizabeth and went back on your word to her. You don't see anything wrong with that? You were condescending to the woman you claim to love. You hurt your sister by allowing her to discover some painful news in company. You failed to control her behavior and allowed her to completely embarrass herself. It seems to me that you have alienated everyone you have in the world. Think about it, Elizabeth and I are furious, Jane is hurt, Caroline is livid and Louisa will side with Caroline, especially after she hears that you locked Caroline in her room. As far as I can tell, there isn't anyone left who is speaking to you, and you still insist that your actions were correct. If you were protecting Jane from a major attack or some other catastrophe, I might be able to understand, but the worst you expected from your sister was some rude remarks. How do you justify that?”

“I don't have to justify anything to you. You are not…”

“I know! I'm not your father and I don't have any sort of authority over you. I KNOW that. However as someone who at the very least used to be your friend, I don't think it is too much for me to ask you to account for you actions. I would think that you would feel driven by our history to at least try to explain this to me. Obviously not. I would like to remind you that even though I was upset with you last night I still went galloping off into the night to help you apprehend your sister.”

“Who asked you to? Who asked for your help? No one! You always appoint yourself savior and leap into action. Did it ever occur to you that you help wasn't wanted? Poor Caroline. Can you imagine how embarrassing it was for her to be seen by you, the man she loves, dressed in her maid's apparel? The poor girl. She is absolutely mortified.”

“Do you know this because you've talked to her, or are you just assuming?”

“Well, I think I know my own sister and…”

“As I thought. First, let me say that you sister does not and never did love me. She fancied herself in love with me because she admired my status. Second, I did nothing to embarrass her. She did that all on her own.”

“Darcy! What a terrible thing to say!”

“Why? It's true. She acted like a spoiled child, complete with temper tantrum. She was a disgrace to her upbringing last night and you can't deny it. Third, I think she welcomed her "mistreatment" last night because now she can convince herself that she is a victim. She doesn't have to feel badly for what she has done because she can convince herself that we behaved worse. All in all Charles, I don't think Caroline is the one I will pity."

Mr. Darcy could not believe what he was hearing. Did Charles remember nothing of the night before? He could understand why Charles would protect Jane, even comprehend to a small extent why insisted that he had done nothing wrong, but to defend Caroline? That was unbelievable.

“You know what, Darcy? I am sick of your sanctimonious attitude. I am so tired of you and your rules and your “advice” and your self satisfied attitude. You always think that you know exactly how thing should be and exactly how people should act and if they fail to meet those standards even the tiniest bit you either dismiss them entirely or you lecture and scold and try to “fix” things. Did it ever occur to you that sometimes people don't do things your way because they don't want to? That sometimes people have worthwhile ideas of their own? Just because you are perfect and never make a mistake and always follow the strictest moral codes doesn't mean that you have to go out and be everyone's conscience. Just let me make my own mistakes sometimes, would you? You're my friend not my nanny. Honestly, do you have that little respect for me that you can't even let me make my own decisions?”

Charles didn't even wait for a response. He turned and stalked out of the room. Darcy was completely overwhelmed. Is that really how Charles saw him? How long had he felt that way? Is that how everyone saw him? Was Charles right? Was he really just a stuck up jerk? Waves of guilt and confusion rolled over him. He staggered and sunk into a chair, his head in his hands. After a few minutes he sat up. He had been thinking in circles; he was just as bewildered as before, but he had a desperate desire to see Elizabeth. He needed her calming presence, her joyful manner, but most of all he needed her keen perception and her blunt honesty. He needed to know how much of what Charles had said was true, and he knew he could count on Elizabeth to tell him, even if it was painful.

Chapter 7

Wandering in the gardens behind Longbourn, Elizabeth was startled to see Mr. Darcy approaching. It was a bit early for the gentlemen to visit and they never came on foot. She was even more surprised when she noticed that Mr. Bingley was not with him. Mr. Darcy, on the other hand, was relieved to find Elizabeth alone. Although he knew it was terribly improper, he could not share what he wanted to discuss with another and he had feared that explaining to Mr. Bennet why he needed to speak with his fiancée alone would prove nigh impossible.

As he approached, Elizabeth was concerned to see that his face was ashen and there were dark circles under his eyes. “Good morning, Fitzwilliam. Are you well?”

“Good morning, beloved. May I walk with you”

Elizabeth flushed and smiled at the unfamiliar, but welcome, endearment. “Of course.” He drew her arm through his and placed his hand on top of hers. Elizabeth noticed that his hand was icy cold and became even more worried. “So, what brings you out for a walk this early?”

“I wished to talk to you. I wanted to tell you what happened at Netherfield last night and this morning.”

“Oh?” Elizabeth raised a sardonic brow “More theatrics?”

“You cannot even imagine.”

Mr. Darcy proceeded to relate the nocturnal adventures of Clarissa de Leon. When he had finished, Elizabeth wiped the tears of laughter from her cheeks and said “That woman has taken leave of her senses. She is completely insane. Where did she think she was going to stay in the middle of the night? And did she really think she could convince anyone she was French?” She started to laugh again. Sensing that Fitzwilliam was not finding this as amusing as she was, Elizabeth asked, “And what happened this morning?” Mr. Darcy described the events of the morning, excluding Charles' comments at the end of the argument. When he finished, Elizabeth said soberly “I am so sorry.” Mr. Darcy said, “Why? You didn't do anything.” She turned away from him and said in a low voice, “I've brought you so much sorrow. First at Hunsford, then with Lydia and now I've...”

She didn't get to finish as Mr. Darcy grabbed her arm and spun her roughly around. “Never, ever apologize for loving me. Ever.” Driven by desperation and a fear of something he couldn't name, Darcy grabbed her by both shoulders. In a hoarse voice, he said “You are everything. Do you understand? You have brought me so much…oh G*d you cannot know how much… how empty everything was, how barren….. and now nothing else matters. Do you hear me? Nothing. You cannot….I cannot bear to hear you talk like that.” He exhaled sharply, “You are my life, Elizabeth.” Near tears, he ran his hand through his hair and turned away, trying to regain his composure.

Tears streamed down Elizabeth's face. She could see his pain, indeed she felt it with him, but she didn't know what she could do to help him. Stepping to his side, she laced her fingers though his. Turning, he gathered her in his arms. She felt him shudder as he fought the emotion that overpowered him. Unable to do anything to help him, she offered her silent support, holding him and stroking his hair. Elizabeth desperately wished to make him understand that her apology had in no way threatened their relationship; that she would be there forever. From his reaction today and the shadows that occasionally darkened his eyes, Elizabeth knew that her rejection at Hunsford had not been entirely vanquished. It seemed that he still had doubts about her devotion to him. Wretchedly, she tried to think of some way of proving it to him, but was unable to think of anything.

When he had calmed, she said “I love you so.” She paused, “But this is not what has you so upset. What else happened this morning?”

The sound of his deep laughter had always thrilled Elizabeth, but the sensation of hearing him chuckle while her ear was pressed to his chest was something completely different. She felt chills run up her arms and she felt a bit lightheaded. “You are entirely too perceptive for your own good, beloved.”

“For my own good? No, I think I am too perceptive for your good.”

“Perhaps.”

“Either way, you're stalling. What happened, Fitzwilliam?”

Darcy pulled her to sit with him on a bench a small ways off the path.

“Elizabeth, do you think that I am …overbearing? Answer honestly.”

Slowly she said, “I might have at one point, but I certainly don't now. Why?”

“Why did you think that before?”

“Fitzwilliam, why are you asking me…”

“Just answer…. please!”

Shaking her head, Elizabeth paused before answering. “I can't say really. I suppose it was just an assumption I made. If you were proud and disdainful, which I thought you were, then being overbearing seemed to be a logical addition. My sense of anything like that faded when I got to know your character. But you know that. Why are you asking me this?”

He groaned. “I didn't tell you everything Charles said to me this morning. I don't know what happened. One minute we were arguing over what happened last night and then he just exploded. He must have been carrying this around for a long time because he was furious.” He told her everything Charles had said. “I don't know what to think. How long has he been carrying this resentment around with him? He's my closest friend, has he secretly hated me this entire time? And is he right? Am I really such a tyrant?” He sighed, “I don't know what to think.”

“Listen to me, and I will tell you what to think. You are NOT a tyrant. Yes, you offer advice. Yes, it is usually the good kind that everyone knows is right and no one wants to do. But I have never ever heard you command anyone to do anything… with the possible exception of last night. Besides, we all offer advice to the people we care about. It is their choice whether to listen or not. As for not respecting him and not letting him make his own decisions, that's ridiculous. When have you ever forced him to do something or made a decision for him?” She paused, “…with the possible exception of last winter. Furthermore, you are the best man I have ever met. You are strong and caring and kind and capable and honest and …and wonderful and I will not let Charles Bingley make you think otherwise. I swear, if Jane didn't love him…”

She turned back to where he was standing, “The thing is, I love you and I promise you that I would not love you if you were domineering or condescending. In fact, if I recall correctly, we had a conversation about this already awhile ago. I haven't changed my mind; I just learned to understand you better. So if Charles can't see that, then he's the one who needs to learn to see clearly.”

“Elizabeth….” He closed the distance between them in a stride and clutched her to him. Suddenly very aware of his presence and the intensity of his gaze, she would have stepped backward, but he grabbed her hands in his. He slowly brought one of his hands up to her cheek and drew his fingers slowly down the side of her face and along her jawline. She shivered from the power of his skin on hers and closed her eyes. Drawing his thumb across her cheek, he slowly caressed her face again, this time bringing his hand down the side of her neck. He murmured her name again, and would have kissed her if a very familiar voice had not been heard shrieking, “Elizabeth!!! Elizabeth!! Oh, I warned her about the gypsies, that vexing child. She delights in tormenting me! Finally I see her engaged, and she gets kidnapped by gypsies! Elizabeth Rebecca Bennet!! Where have you run off to now?”

Elizabeth groaned and reluctantly stepped back. “I fear I have been out of the house a bit too long. I had better return. What will you do now?”

“I suppose that I shall take lodgings at the inn. I shall send you a note when I am settled.”

“The inn!” Elizabeth was about to protest when she heard Jane's voice calling awfully close by. “Coming, Jane!” Mr. Darcy watched her run away and then turned to follow the road into Meryton.

Chapter 8

Posted on Saturday, 16 April 2005

Charles Bingley was miserable. As he sat in a chair in his study, he heard Darcy rush past the door, headed, no doubt, for the stables. Bingley buried his head in his hands. Over and over in his head, he heard Darcy's voice, harsh and angry, “You have alienated everyone you have in the world.” It was frightening because it was true. Pressing his fingers to his eyes, he tried to figure out how this had happened. He was Charles Bingley. He never fought with anyone. Ever. He was known for it. And now, in two days he had lost everyone he had in the world. But how? He didn't see what he had done that was so wrong. He had only wanted to protect his lovely Jane. Why couldn't they see that? Why couldn't Darcy see that? He was always so disapproving. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Charles paced the room, his anger and resentment building. Why did it even matter what Darcy thought? What made Darcy such a perfect judge of right and wrong? Who had blessed him, appointed him judge of the world? From the depths of his mind, cool and untouched by the storm of resentment, a voice asked When did Darcy become the enemy? Staggered, Bingley clutched the drapes and sank to the ground. Without his fury for fuel, his legs had gone weak and shaky. When had Darcy become the enemy? And why?? Darcy was his best friend. He had helped Charles through many trials. When had Darcy's advice stopped eliciting admiration and appreciation and had started generating resentment? Charles sat on the floor trying to piece together the disintegration of his friendship. In his fog of gloom, he slowly became aware of movement in the hall. Coming to the doorway, he demanded of the closest servant “What is going on here?” His steward appeared from what appeared to be nowhere and said “There you are, sir. Mr. Darcy sent you this note, sir.” Charles looked at the small scrap of paper warily. Reluctantly, he opened it and saw a short note scribbled in Darcy's unmistakable hand. Although it was not as neat and even as Darcy's usual penmanship, the bold strokes and heavy lines were characteristic of Darcy.

Mister C. Bingley
Netherfield
I have ordered my possessions moved to the local inn where I will be staying until the wedding so as not to impose on your hospitality any longer.

F. Darcy

Bingley stared at the note for a few minutes and then turned and reentered the room, closing the door without a word. He did not emerge even as the sun began to set and preparations were laid for dinner. He did not come out even after the sun had set and the lamps were lit. When the servants were locking up for the night, the maid extinguishing the lamps in the entryway saw the light from under the door. The master was still awake.

Sitting alone in the ever darkening room, Mister Bingley tried to determine what had gone wrong in the last few days. He tried to figure out when he had stopped viewing Darcy as a friend and started seeing him as an oppressor. Most of all, he tried to figure out how to fix it. Charles Bingley was not in the habit of devoting himself to introspection, as he was generally at peace with himself and the world. However, now that he had started, he devoted himself wholeheartedly to the process. It was easiest to admit that Jane was right. He has secretly known that he was discrediting her by trying so desperately to shelter her. He realized that it had been his own feelings he had been trying to protect. It hurt him when she was upset so he tried to avoid allowing her to be upset. That wasn't fair to her and it wasn't logical. In the course of a lifetime, things would happen that would upset her. It was inevitable. He decided to apologize to her and to show her that he did respect her by staying away until she asked him to return. He wouldn't give her up, but he wouldn't visit until she specifically invited him.

Once he had admitted that he had been wrong to be so overprotective of Jane, it was easy to come to the conclusion that he hadn't been fair to Elizabeth and Darcy. He had backed out of their agreement, and for that he was sorry. However, he still felt that they had overreacted and that they were placing too much blame for Caroline's actions on him. He understood why they were upset; he would have been had he been in their situation. It wasn't fair though, to blame him for the actions of his sister. He couldn't control her. He never had been able too. Louisa was the only one with influence over Caroline. Anyway, shouldn't Caroline be held responsible for the fiasco at the dinner party?

Speaking of Caroline, he supposed he owed her an apology. He wasn't really sure. She had acted horribly, but did it really warrant house arrest? And there really was no excuse for allowing Darcy to tie her to a chair. The mind still boggled at the idea. Darcy, proper, self-controlled Darcy, had threatened to tie Caroline to a chair! And then carried through with it! Bingley decided that he cared about familial peace more than he cared about being right and he decided to send a note of apology to his sister. She still wasn't invited to the wedding, but perhaps they could be civil at their next meeting.

That brought him to Darcy and Elizabeth. This was perhaps the most complicated part of the process, because he still couldn't determine why his feelings toward Darcy had changed or what to do about it. He wished he could merely offer his apologies to Elizabeth and have her accept them for that would simplify matters. He knew, though, that Elizabeth was inexorably intertwined with Darcy and she would not forgive him until he had made amends with Darcy. The problem that arose there was that Bingley didn't want to apologize to Darcy. He felt bad that it had been delivered in such a harsh manner, but he meant what he had said. If only he could figure out why and when he had begun to feel this way. Head spinning, Bingley stepped out of the dark room and headed up to his room just as the first light was dawning. On the desk, two letters had been left to be sent out the next day. One was addressed to Miss Caroline Bingley. The other to Miss Jane Bennet.

Across town, Fitzwilliam Darcy had spent the day in similar reflection. Or, he had attempted to, but he had been interrupted quite frequently by the various staff members of the inn. They were not used to such distinguished visitors and were desperate to make sure his accommodations were just to his liking. After the fifth chamber maid knocked to make sure he had enough towels and that he knew how to open the drapes, he had to politely ask that she tell her compatriots that everything was satisfactory and he would ring if he needed anything. One more maid knocked after that, but he didn't answer, effectually ending their “assistance.” Darcy was trying to sort through his rampaging emotions and determine what exactly had happened to him in the last few days. His relationships with Elizabeth and Bingley had been completely turned around and the change left him spinning. Furthermore, he had been pushed past his breaking point more times in the past two days than any time in the last ten years. He prided himself on his self-control, but it seemed to have deserted him lately. So had his sanity it seemed. Had he actually tied Miss Bingley to a chair? It seemed impossible, yet it was true. And he had threatened to sling her over his horse and essentially kidnap her. He sighed and rolled over on his bed so that he was looking out the window. He had done a lot of thinking that day, and he was not pleased with what he had found. The closer he looked at his interactions with Bingley, the more displeased he became. It was true that he was frequently heavy handed. And, unfortunately, he was often self-righteous. He did frequently feel that he knew how to handle situations better than Bingley. The fact of the matter was that oftentimes he was better equipped to deal with situations. He simply had more experience. Furthermore, he agreed with Elizabeth that Charles had been free to refuse any advice offered. Eventually coming to the conclusion that they were both to blame for the misunderstanding, Darcy was still haunted by the thought that his oldest friend had been secretly resenting him for some time. Finally, still in his clothes, he fell into a restless sleep.

Chapter 9

Posted on Monday, 18 April 2005

Jane Bennet sat in her window seat staring out at the new day that was dawning. It looked like it would be a beautiful day. If she had been of a gloomier disposition, she would have wished that it was a dark, rainy day to match her mood. As it was, the beautiful sunrise and the singing birds failed to lift her spirits. Yesterday had been a horrible day. She had only gone one day without seeing Mr. Bingley since they had been engaged, and this was worse than a normal separation because they had parted so horribly. She could still hear the pain in his voice and see it in his eyes. She wished he had called or at least written. She didn't know what it meant that she hadn't heard from him. Was he angry with her? Confused and hurt, Jane pressed her forehead to the cool glass.

Her sister slipped into the room and, putting her arms around her, pressed her face into Jane's hair. “Good morning, dearest.” Her tone was sympathetic, and Jane had to fight back tears. “Good morning, Lizzy.” Elizabeth sat down facing her on the window seat. They sat in silence for awhile, but finally Jane spoke, quietly, “I wish I had news from him, if only to have something to tell Mama. I know our mother means well, but I do wish she wouldn't fret so much about him.”

“Poor Jane. I know. But don't worry. I'm sure you'll hear from him today.”

“But what if I don't? Lizzy. What if he's angry with me? What if he doesn't forgive me?”

“Then he doesn't deserve you. You didn't do anything wrong, and I'm sure he knows that.” Lizzy reached over and hugged her tightly. “Mister Charles Bingley may not be my favorite person right now, but I can say this for him. He appreciates how wonderful you are. He may have made quite a few mistakes lately, but he wouldn't be stupid enough to blame you for any of this. That man is silly in love; he can't see any of your faults. You're perfect to him.” Jane smiled. “Lizzy, you're ridiculous. But you're right. I shouldn't worry. I always worry too much.”

Elizabeth smiled inwardly. Jane always found a way to blame herself. “That's my girl. Let's get dressed. If we're lucky, we can rush and finish breakfast before Mama finishes dressing.”

“Lizzy!!” Jane squealed as her sister laughed and ducked out of the room. When they came down to breakfast, their father was already eating and Kitty was running around between the parlor and the dining room searching for some lace she had lost. The sounds of the piano from the sitting room indicated that Mary had also risen and had already finished breakfast. Their father was particularly animated this morning and the girls were giggling. Elizabeth was pleased to see the Jane so amused. However, the girls were not in luck that morning. Mrs. Bennet heard the merriment and decided to come down early. She immediately began bemoaning the lack of visitors yesterday and how it had kept her from sleeping a wink. For the third time Mrs. Bennet interrogated her two eldest as to what they had done wrong at the dinner party. Again, she demanded to know every single detail of the entire party, saying that perhaps she could determine what they had done that had caused both gentlemen to stay away for an entire day. Elizabeth and Jane bore her histrionics with as much forbearance as they could.

When they finished their breakfast, the girls moved into the sitting room and Mrs. Bennet followed, still harping on how ungrateful they were. After all she'd done for them; the least they could do was hold on to their fiancés. Was it that much to ask? Really, she thought not. Jane had just picked up her embroidery when their father entered. The ladies were surprised, for he usually avoided their sitting room until later in the day; he said he needed to build up his strength before facing the chaos. Mr. Bennet was holding a letter, which he presented to Jane. Jane's face lit up when she saw the Netherfield address. As she opened it and began to read, her expression grew puzzled. Mrs. Bennet screeched from across the room, “Well? What does it say? Come now, child! Read it aloud!” Casting a confused glance at Elizabeth, Jane began to read.

Miss Bennet,

Thank you for the delightful evening the other night; it was a pleasure to have you. Please excuse me for not calling yesterday. I fear the business that kept me then, will also keep me from visiting you today. However, I hope to see you soon. Yours,

C. Bingley

Ignoring their mother's speculations as to what business could possibly be of more importance than her daughter, Elizabeth and Jane cast worried glances at each other. What could that note possibly mean? Why was Mr. Bingley pretending that nothing had happened? Jane turned her attention back to the paper, to read it again and noticed something. She unfolded the third flap of the paper, and there, underneath, was another note!! It read:

My dearest Jane,

Please excuse my deception, but I am familiar with your family's tradition of reading correspondence out loud, and I did not want you to feel uncomfortable. Let me also apologize for my behavior the other night. I was wrong. I should have trusted that you could handle yourself, as you always have. I have thought about it and I realized that I wasn't trying to protect you so much as I was trying to protect myself from the pain I feel when you are hurt. It was cowardly of me, I admit it, and I beg your forgiveness. I am nothing when you are not here. Just being apart from you this long has been torture. However, I will respect your wishes. I will not write again or call at Longbourn until you ask me to. I understand that you need to think and that you need your space, but please know that I am thinking about you constantly and I miss you terribly. Yours, with all my love,

C. Bingley

Jane's face flushed with pleasure, and when she looked up at Elizabeth, her eyes were shining with joy. Just as Jane finished reading, she heard Mrs. Bennet say “Give me the note, Jane. Perhaps I can read something from it that you can't see. I'm very experienced with such things. I was young once, you know, and I received a great many such notes.” However, Lady Luck had finally decided to take pity on poor Jane, for just at that moment, Mrs. Phillips burst in crying, “Mrs. Bennet! Mrs. Bennet! Have you heard? Mr. Darcy has left Netherfield”

“What? Oh this is a tragedy! Lizzy, what have you done?? I told you he was too rich to ever look at you. I told you that you had to work to make him love you. Why didn't you wear that dress of Lydia's to the dinner party like I told you to.” Elizabeth stiffened and noticeably paled. She said nothing, however, and Mrs. Bennet continued. “Oh, my nerves, my nerves. Why does no one have any compassion on my nerves? No one understands how I suffer.” She threw herself back onto the couch, gasping for breath. Mrs. Phillips fluttered around her plumping her pillows and fanning her, all the while exclaiming “I know, dear, I know. But it's definite. Mr. Phillips saw that Darcy carriage leaving Netherfield carrying Mr. Darcy's trunks.” Mrs. Bennet gave a sharp cry of anguish. When the two had settled, Elizabeth said languidly “Mama, Mr. Darcy did not leave. He simply removed himself to the inn.”

“To the inn?! To the inn?! Why would he move to the inn? Lizzy, speak sensibly!”

Elizabeth's indifferent air didn't change, “I am speaking sensibly. Mr. Darcy moved to the inn. He told me so himself.”

“But why?”

“Mr. Darcy did not acquaint me with his motives. You shall have to ask him yourself.” Forgive me, Fitzwilliam, for directing my mother to you, but I don't know what excuse you are telling the world and it would be bad if I said something different.

Mrs. Phillips and Mrs. Bennet were both speculating wildly as to what could have cause Mr. Darcy to leave Netherfield so abruptly when Jane interrupted them. “Mama, would it be alright if I asked Mr. Bingley to dine with us tonight?”

“Certainly, Jane! It would be lovely to see Mr. Bingley. And Lizzy, you must invite Mr. Darcy.”

“I do not think that would be a good idea, Mama. Mr. Darcy only moved yesterday and I'm sure…”

“And I'm sure that he would appreciate having a home cooked meal instead of that mess they serve at the inn. I will not listen to you argue, Elizabeth. Invite Mr. Darcy.”

Fuming but powerless to disobey her mother without a real reason, Elizabeth joined Jane at the table to write a letter to Mr. Darcy. As she wrote, Elizabeth reflected that her fortunes seemed to be indirectly related to Jane's. When she was pleased with her meeting with Mr. Darcy yesterday, Jane had been miserably fretting over Mr. Bingley. Now that Jane was joyously anticipating inviting Mr. Bingley, Elizabeth was dreading inviting Mr. Darcy to a dinner that would give him pain. Thus, the temperament of the letters differed drastically. Jane wrote

Mr. Bingley,

I was very pleased to receive your note. I would be glad to see you whenever you are available. In fact, if you are not otherwise engaged, you would be welcome at Longbourn for dinner. Perhaps, during the evening, we could find a moment to discuss our last dinner meeting. I look forward to seeing you,

Jane Bennet

Although this letter was very formal, especially compared to Mr. Bingley's, it was the boldest she had ever written to him and when Bingley received it, he was overjoyed and immediately wrote back to accept the invitation. Elizabeth's note was much less formal, but her tidings were not nearly as cheerful.

Fitzwilliam,

My mother has requested that I invite you to dinner tonight since my sister has invited Mr. Bingley to dine with us. I thought it might be a bit awkward for you and tried to dissuade her, but she is adamant. She has gotten the notion that I did something wrong at the dinner party and that I have lost your affection forever. She is convinced that the reason you left Netherfield is that you are looking for a way to negate our engagement. My mother's speculations aside, please feel free to refuse the invitation. I offer you a second invitation to come to visit tomorrow morning. I shall ask Jane to tell Charles to stay away in the morning. Yours,

Elizabeth

Although Elizabeth had meant to sound flippant when discussing her mother's comments in her letter, Mr. Darcy saw through that immediately. He could tell how much those comments hurt Elizabeth and he cursed both Mrs. Bennet and Mr. Bingley for putting her in such a situation. He was so upset, he considered attending the dinner, but decided against it. Instead he declined the invitation to dine, accepted the invitation to visit and included this post script:

If your mother really needs convincing, I think I could manage to write a sufficiently affectionate love letter that you could leave lying around where she could find it. FD

When Elizabeth read that, she laughed but she also teared up. His tenderness was exactly what she needed, because her mother had been berating her all afternoon. If she reminded Elizabeth one more time that she was not worthy of Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth thought she would scream. Furthermore, she was very distressed by the idea of dining with Charles Bingley. She was happy that he was coming because it pleased her to see Jane so joyful. Jane was glowing and she had been smiling for no reason all afternoon. She had even taken Elizabeth aside and asked Elizabeth to see if she could possibly manage to maneuver it so that Jane had some time alone with Charles. This request was positively shocking from Jane, since she always followed every rule to the letter, and it showed how important this evening was to her. Still, the idea of eating dinner with him and pretending that nothing had happened made Elizabeth sick to her stomach. Furthermore, her mother had worn her patience so thin that she didn't think she would be able to spend much time in his company without snapping at him. About fifteen minutes before Mr. Bingley was due to arrive, Elizabeth reached the conclusion that she simply could not handle dinner with him and pleading a headache, excused herself from dinner. Trying to avoid her sister's disappointed gaze, she ran upstairs.

She considered throwing herself on her bed and crying out all her pain and anger, but she hated crying so instead she tried to read. Eventually her distress overcame her and she wept quietly. When she had recovered, she went downstairs and, remembering her promise to Jane, she entered the parlor and said, “I think my headache would be cleared up by some fresh air. May I take a walk?”

“In the dark? When we have company? Certainly not. Go back upstairs and rest.”

Jane spoke up, “I'll go with her.”

Mrs. Bennet, seeing an opportunity, made a complete turn around, “What an excellent idea, Jane. See if Mr. Bingley will accompany you.” Thus Mr. Bingley was fetched and the three set out into the garden.

When they had gotten clear of the house, Mr. Bingley approached Elizabeth and said “Miss Bennet, I would like…”

He didn't get any farther than that, because Elizabeth cut him off, saying harshly, “You are out here to talk to Jane, and we do not have much time. I suggest that you don't waste it.” She walked off into one of the side paths. Mr. Bingley stood watching her walk away, unsure if he should follow her or do as she said and talk to Jane. Jane stepped next to him and said quietly, “Let her go.” He took her arm and they moved slowly into a small glade off the side of the path. Sitting in the bench, Bingley turned so he was facing Jane and began to apologize.

Elizabeth, meanwhile, had fled to a small pine grove that stood farther from the house. It had been a favorite haunt of hers when she was a child because if you pushed past the low branches of the trees, they swung back behind you and you were hidden to the world. Sitting with her back against a tree trunk, Elizabeth curled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her skirt. She tried to take deep breaths to calm the tears that seemed to be omnipresent these days. Elizabeth was furious. Just the sight of him made her want to scream. He had hurt her, he had allowed his sister to hurt her and he hadn't even apologized. Worst of all, he had hurt Fitzwilliam. And yet she couldn't tear into him, she couldn't tell him how much he disgusted her, because Jane loved him. And as if that wasn't enough, her mother had spent the entire afternoon talking about how Elizabeth wasn't really good enough for Mr. Darcy and she'd better take care not to lose him. She acted as if it was a miracle he ever saw her to begin with. Elizabeth was a practical girl, and she knew that a lot of people thought that way, but it is different to know something and to hear it said to your face, especially by your own mother!! Weren't mothers supposed to be blind to your faults? Weren't they supposed to love and support you? Her mother made her feel worthless. It didn't matter that she knew that her mother was wrong; it hurt to hear her say such things. Angry beyond control, Elizabeth sat in the dark, fingers pressed to her face, trembling.

By this time, Mr. Bingley had finished apologizing to Jane and he sat with his arm around her waist and her head resting on his shoulder. (For the sake of accuracy it should be noted that Mr. Bingley will probably never be finished apologizing to Jane. He has merely taken a break because she forgave him and then told him to stop.) He took a deep breath and said, “And now I don't know what to do. You're the only one who is talking to me right now.”

“Well, you apologized to me. Have you apologized to the others?”

“I tried with Elizabeth right now.” He raised a hand to stop her protest, “I know, she won't forgive me until I've talked to Darcy. But Darcy is….complicated. For other reasons. And I've apologized to Caroline.”

“You apologized to Caroline? She's the one who caused all these problems. Why would you apologize to her? She should be apologizing to you. And what would ever posses you to apologize to her before you apologized to Lizzy and Mr. Darcy?”

“I don't know, I don't know. It's just…well, you know Caroline. And we treated her rather harshly and ….well, she isn't going to forgive me unless I really grovel and I don't want to do that, but she is my sister and I don't want to ruin that and Louisa won't talk to me after she hears what I did and I just thought it would be a good idea.”

Jane paused and then said ever so softly, “Isn't avoiding confrontation what got you into this mess in the first place?” Charles groaned. “You're right. I just keep making a mess out of this. Every time I do anything I end up making things a hundred times worse. Jane, what can I do?”

“What if you wrote to Louisa? Tell her everything Caroline did, tell her you've apologized to Caroline for your misbehavior and that you expect Caroline to apologize for hers. Maybe tell Louisa that Caroline will not be welcome in your…”

“Our”

She smiled at him, “our home until she does. That way you can express your disapproval without sounding too harsh. But, Charles, why are things so complicated with Mr. Darcy?”

Charles told her everything that had happened the day before. Speaking haltingly he finished with, “I'm not even sure why I said that. I was never really even aware of feeling it before. The thing is, now that I've said it I feel like, even if I didn't express it very well, it's true. I've been thinking about it, and I think that after my father died, all I wanted was someone else to tell me what to do. I wanted someone to try to take his place, at least in that way. And Darcy fit that need. He knew so much and he was so self-assured and he always did the right thing and…and I knew I could depend on him. But lately, I've been trying to make my own decisions. First, finding a house and then with you. And I think that I've been feeling more capable and I've started to resent his assumption that he has any say in my actions, which isn't fair to him, since I changed the rules without telling him. But now, he's probably so angry with me, he won't even listen. Not that I blame him. I made a pretty big mess of our friendship.” Before Jane could answer, Elizabeth appeared in front of them and said coldly, “We should go in before they come looking for us.” She turned and walked away without even waiting to see if they were following.

Jane whispered to Charles “Don't worry. Everything will be fine, and Mr. Darcy will listen to you because he values your friendship.” She paused, “and I'll talk to Elizabeth and try to convince her to at least listen to you long enough to let you apologize.” Charles gazed at her adoringly and then moved and kissed her gently on the cheek. “I love you” he murmured. She blushed and looked at the ground. “I love you too.” With that, they headed into the house.

Chapter 10

Posted on Thursday, 14 July 2005

As they entered the house, Jane and Mr. Bingley headed into the parlor, expecting Elizabeth to join them, but Elizabeth ran up to her room and shut the door. Changing into her nightclothes, she crawled into bed and lay staring at the ceiling. Meeting Mr. Bingley had been harder than she had thought it would be and she was surprised at the strength of her reaction to him. Still angry, she prepared for bed with jerky movements. It was still early, but she looked forward to the oblivion that sleep would provide. Climbing into bed, she tried to banish all thoughts from her mind. It was difficult to eliminate her foul mood and she tossed and turned. Just as she found a comfortable position, Elizabeth realized that the drapes had fallen open and moonlight was streaming in. Muttering about how everything was determined to torture her tonight, Elizabeth climbed out of her warm bed and headed to the window. On her way there, she stubbed her toe on her nightstand. While trying to catch herself, she knocked over the stack of books that had been sitting there. Elizabeth gazed forlornly at the heap on the floor. It seemed that the entire world was conspiring to make this the worst day possible. Elizabeth sighed, climbed into bed and realized that she had not shut the drapes. With a curse and a groan, she left the covers for a second time and this time her mission to the window was successful. Snuggling into the blankets, Elizabeth eventually was able to release her anger, frustration and hurt and begin to relax. She had slipped into a drowsy stupor, not quite awake but still somewhat aware of her surroundings, when someone knocked on her door.

Her voice slurred with sleep she called “Come in.” Jane stepped into the room, “Lizzy, I want to talk to you.”

“Not now, Jane. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

“No. We need to talk now.”

Growing angry, Elizabeth sat up in bed. “Jane, it's late, it's been a very long, trying day and, honestly, I have nothing to say.”

“Well, I do. If you don't want to talk, that's fine. But you will listen to me.”

Elizabeth was taken aback by her sister's harsh tone, but she was too preoccupied with her own raging emotions to pay it proper heed. “Jane, it has been a very difficult day and now is not a good time. I'll talk to you tomorrow, I promise.”

“No, Elizabeth. I have things to say to you and I will say them now.” Jane shut the door and pulled out the chair from the dressing table so that she sat facing Elizabeth. Startled and a bit resentful, Elizabeth drew her knees to her chest and stared back. She had nothing to say and she was fully prepared to sit in silence until Jane spoke. It didn't take Jane very long. “I wish to talk to you about your behavior tonight. You were not very civil to Mr. Bingley.” She paused, waiting for Elizabeth to react, but Elizabeth just stared at her with a completely neutral expression. Being faced with a blank stare when she had expected emotion unnerved Jane, as it was intended to do. “All Charles wanted was to apologize to you. I understand that you are upset, but is it very productive to refuse to allow him to apologize? What good will sulking do?” She was about to continue when Elizabeth spoke, her voice calm but infused with a dangerous heat, “I think the problem is, Jane, that you don't understand. Nor have you any intention of doing so. You can only hear what Charles” she spat out the name,” has told you. As for your claims of `sulking,' I would again caution you not to condemn that which you cannot understand.”

Frustrated, Jane leaned forward in the chair, twisting her hands. “You say I do not understand yet you refuse to explain. How is it my fault that I do not know what you are feeling if you will not tell me? We may be close, but even I cannot read what is written in your heart.”

“Did it occur to you to bother to ask me?”

“I'm asking now.”

“No, you aren't. You are asking after your mind has been made up. If I tell you now, you will be silently listing responses to everything I say. Don't bother to deny it; I can see you doing it already.”

“Because you are making ridiculous claims! Lizzy, why are you treating me like I'm your enemy? All I want is for everyone to agree again. All I'm asking is for you to explain to me why you refuse to listen to my fiancé when he wants to apologize.” Jane was growing agitated now and was absentmindedly pulling the fringe from the throw pillow that resided on the chair. “Lizzy, you promised I wouldn't have to choose a side, you promised me you would work out your problems, but how will that happen if you will not allow him to make amends?”

Elizabeth paused before answering and then said bitterly, “When I told you I would never ask you to pick a side, Jane, I didn't expect that you would go running to his. After all, I was your sister long before he was your betrothed.”

“How can you say such a thing? I've done nothing of the sort. All I did was ask…”

“How can I say such a thing? How can I say such a thing? I'll tell you. I can SAY such a thing because you have not once paid any mind to how I was feeling after such a humiliating and hurtful evening. I can say such a thing because you have been so wrapped up in your worries about your relationship with Charles that you have not once asked me how I was faring or stopped to wonder why William hasn't called at the house since it happened. I can say such a thing because you were so busy daydreaming about your love that you actually asked me to arrange some time for you and Charles without stopping to think how I might be affected by his visit.” Elizabeth's voice was rising with every syllable and she was practically shouting when she said “I can SAY such a thing because this evening you immediately leapt to his defense without asking me why I refused to listen to his apology. I can say such a thing because it is true.” Elizabeth was standing by the window, shaking with the emotion she had set forth but staring defiantly to her sister. Jane stood and said, “You know, you're more like Kitty and Lydia than you care to admit. You all three have very nasty selfish streaks. It comes from Mama I suppose.” Elizabeth blanched, shocked beyond breath at those cruel words from her gentle sister. “I don't suppose it occurred to you that you weren't the only one hurt that evening. I doubt it crossed your mind that maybe Charles was as hurt and mortified as you. She is his sister after all. Most importantly, I don't suppose you stopped to consider that it wasn't Charles who caused any of it. It was Caroline who caused a scene. It was Caroline who embarrassed you. It was Caroline who slapped you.

“It was Charles who allowed it.”

Now Jane was shouting. “Oh for heaven's sake, grow up! He made a mistake! He meant well, but he made a mistake. We all make them, or don't you remember that?”

There was a tentative knock on the door, and Kitty poked her head into the room. “Jane? Lizzy? What's happening? Why are you yelling?”

Without taking her eyes off Jane, Elizabeth said “Everything's fine, Kitty. Go back to bed. Jane was just leaving.”

“No actually, I'm not. Go back to bed, Kitty, Elizabeth and I have some business to finish.”

Frightened by the blood lust in both her sisters' eyes, Kitty crept back to bed and pulled the pillow and blankets over her head to block the horrifying sounds of her two eldest sisters screaming. As the door closed, Jane and Elizabeth looked at each other warily. Both had things to say, but neither wanted to be the one to restart the screaming match.

Quietly, Elizabeth said, “I realize he made a mistake. I'm not selfish enough to think that he deliberately set out to hurt me. But the fact is that he did. I do realize that it was Caroline who caused the scene. I do have a rather vivid memory of that night you know. But Charles didn't do anything about it. In fact, knowing him, he'll probably apologize to her.” Looking at Jane's guilty face, Elizabeth gasped and shook her head. Turning around, she pressed her fist to her mouth, trying to suppress the anger and shock she felt. As she turned, Jane heard her mutter “That lout…… that spineless immature “

“Don't say another WORD! He may have made some mistakes, but he is still the man I love and I will not listen to you badmouth him.”

Turning back around, Elizabeth said, “All that aside, I wouldn't forgive him anyway. Not until he speaks with Mr. Darcy. He absolutely tore into Fitzwilliam. I don't think you realize exactly how cruel he was. He took Fitzwilliam's deepest insecurity and just trampled him with it. Broke his heart. Trust me, I know the look,” she paused as her voice broke, “seeing as I broke it saying the same things just a few months ago.” Fighting back her tears, she continued, “So even if he hadn't done anything to me, you're asking me to forgive the man who did that to the man I love. And I won't.”

Fighting back tears herself, Jane said “But don't you see? You are that person for Charles. You're the one opposing him. You're the one breaking his heart. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

“I didn't break his heart. If anything, his sister did that.”

“Well, you're breaking mine.”

Elizabeth sighed, “Jane, I'm not saying that I won't ever forgive him. I will, in time. I know that he's sorry and that he feels horribly. I know that he wishes he could take it all back. But sometimes, the embarrassment and the hurt and the anger are so fresh and so painful and so strong that knowing doesn't make a difference. It isn't that I won't forgive him, but that I can't forgive him. I want to accept his apology and go back to the way things were, but I can't. Every time I see him, I see his face when he told us dessert was cancelled. I see him threatening me with your unhappiness if I didn't do what he wished. I'm sure that in time, this will fade, and I will be able to forgive him, and I promise you that I will work on that. And if it makes you feel better, I will listen to his apology. I just couldn't handle that tonight The insult is too fresh and I was worn out from listening to Mama all day. I don't think you noticed, but Mama was horrible today. She couldn't draw a breath without using it to criticize me or tell me why I didn't deserve my fiancé. I didn't have any patience left to listen to Charles stumble through an apology, I'm sorry.”

Jane hugged her sister “Thank you, Lizzy. That's all I wanted to hear. And I'm sorry for the horrible things I said and that you felt as if I was taking Charles side. I should have listened to how you felt first because I can understand your position now and I support your decision. Reconciled, the sisters shared a bed for the second time that week.

Chapter 11

Posted on Monday, 12 September 2005

When Elizabeth woke the next morning, she sat in bed for a few minutes, looking out the window at the bright morning sun. Jane had already awoken and, naturally, the blankets on her side of the bed had been pulled smooth. Elizabeth felt heavy and tired. Leaning back against the headboard and closing her eyes, she thought about all the anger and strife and tears that had engulfed her life during the past few days. Suddenly it all seemed so trivial. Was it really worth this? What was she holding out for anyway? No one was going to come along and erase the painful memory, no one was going to make up for it, and Caroline Bingley certainly wasn't going to apologize, or if she did, she certainly wasn't going to mean it. Elizabeth decided that she was ending this mess right now. She would make amends with Charles and forget that this whole fiasco had ever happened. She knew that for some time she would be just going through the motions, but it would keep the peace. She knew that it might seem as if she as admitting defeat and it might not give her the satisfaction of feeling righteous, but at this point, Elizabeth felt that she would rather be happy than right.

Putting her new resolution to be happy to work, Elizabeth focused her attention on the gentleman who was expected to call that morning and ignored her mother who was prattling about broken engagements and her younger sisters who were tiptoeing around her as if she would explode any second. Although she knew she could not expect Mr. Darcy for at least another half an hour, Elizabeth frequently found herself drawn to the window, copying his habit of standing and staring out. It seemed like hours before she saw the horse and rider coming down the lane.

When Mr. Darcy came riding up to Longbourn, he smiled to see Elizabeth standing at the window. As he watched, she raised a hand in greeting and disappeared from view. When he was shown in the drawing room, he was amused to see her studiously stitching a sampler. As he bowed to her mother, he caught her eye and lifted and inquiring eyebrow, but she merely smiled demurely and looked back down at her sewing. Before ho could go over to her, he was accosted by Mrs. Bennet. Although Mr. Darcy had anticipated some unpleasantness from Mrs. Bennet because of the warning in Elizabeth's note, he was still aghast at her blatant mentions of how surprised they were to see him again. When he had finally run out of civil replies to her questions about his intentions, he invited the girls to join him on a walk. Deterred by glares from their mother, Mary and Kitty declined. Jane would not be intimidated, however, and she accepted. The threesome had not taken twelve steps from the house when Hill came running out the say that Miss Jane was needed in the house right away. Watching them walk away, Elizabeth muttered “That woman's middle name should have been Subtle.” Assuming she meant her mother and not Hill, Darcy attempted to make her laugh by opening his eyes wide and asking innocently, “Why, whatever do you mean?” He was rewarded with an eye roll and a small chuckle as Elizabeth took his arm and they continued their walk. For a few moments the only sound was the sound of their feet on the leaves and then Mr. Darcy broke the silence, “Elizabeth, beloved, is something the matter. You seem tense this morning and your note yesterday was positively despondent.” Elizabeth shifted her shoulders nervously “Everything is fine.” When he continued to look at her skeptically, she confessed, “My mother has been more difficult than usual lately. I can't seem to ignore her criticism as easily. I wonder…” She paused, blushing “I wonder if it is because she is criticizing you.” Continuing quickly, she added “And I had a fight with Jane last night.”

Darcy winced sympathetically, “About Charles?”

She nodded. “It was horrible. We said all these awful things to each other, but as soon as I promised that I would forgive Mr. Bingley, everything was smiles and sunshine. I don't know what to do with that.”

“You promised to forgive Charles?”

“Well, I promised to consider it. I had to. As far as I can tell, Jane views my refusal to forgive Charles as an attempt to take him from her, to deny her her happiness with him. She is understandably very vulnerable about the idea of losing him again. I think that is the reason she has sided with him so decidedly. Mr. Bingley is the only thing that Jane has asked for herself in as long as I can remember and I think she feels that she deserves this. She's right too, she does deserve this. She is always so selfless. How can I deny her this? And that is why I've decided to make peace with Mr. Bingley and forget that this whole fiasco ever happened. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being angry. I'm only hurting the people around me. Besides, it isn't like it is affecting Miss Bingley at all and she's really the one who caused the trouble to begin with.”

She said the last bit quickly, pleading with him to understand why she had to do this. He looked at her solemnly for a moment and then pulled her into his arms “My poor girl. It's awful having to be the adult isn't it?”

Elizabeth relaxed against him. She should have known that he of all people would understand the sacrifices you make for your family. Pulling away slightly, she asked, “But what about you and Mr. Bingley? Have you decided what you are going to do?”

“Yes. I'm going to send him a note today asking him to meet me tomorrow so we can talk about what happened. I'll apologize for being overbearing, and hopefully, he'll apologize for screaming at me.”

He pressed her head back down to his chest and leaned his chin in the top of her head, then ran his cheek over her soft hair. She nuzzled closer, pressing her face into the side of his neck, drawing strength from his warmth, his solidity and the uniquely male scent of him that was quickly becoming familiar to her. She sighed and asked “Aren't we supposed to be deliriously happy right now?”

Confused and slightly alarmed by her question, Darcy drew her to arm's length. Seeing the apprehension on his face, Elizabeth hastened to reassure him. “I'm not saying we aren't happy together. I was just thinking about how many authors have written about lovers out enjoying nature. It's supposed to be the state of perfect happiness.”

“You're right. We shouldn't be moping. We're supposed to be frolicking or something.”

Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of the dignified Mr. Darcy frolicking through a field.

“Exactly! `Come live with me and be my love/ And we will all the pleasures prove/ That valleys, groves, hills and fields/ Woods, or steepy mountain yields.'”

Raising an eyebrow, Darcy quickly returned, “Come live with me and be my love,/ And we will some new pleasure prove,/ Of golden sands and crystal brooks,/ With silken lines and silver hooks.”

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, “Donne's reply to Marlowe. Impressive. But why didn't you go with the more obvious reply by Raleigh?”

Taking her arm, Darcy moved her along the path as he said, “Because in that poem, she says no.”

“I suppose it's my turn now.”

“It seems that way, yes. Unless you can't think of anything.”

Eyes flashing, Elizabeth replied “There's not a budding boy or girl this day/ But is got up and gone to bring in May;/ A deal of youth, ere this, is come/ Back, and with whitethorn laden, home./ Some have dispatched their cakes and cream/ Before that we have left to dream;/ And some have wept and wooed and plighted troth,/ And chose their priest ere we can cast off sloth.”

Laughing at her indignation, Darcy provoked her further. “Herrick, an excellent choice. Still, I don't know, beloved that that quote is quite as on topic as could be wished. A valiant attempt though. Perhaps another quote from Herrick could be better, like this one from The Argument of His Book ` I sing of blossoms, birds and bowers,/ Of April, May, of June, and July flowers/ I sing of Maypoles, hock carts, wassails, wakes/ Of bridegrooms, brides and of their bridal cakes/ I write of youth, of love and have access/ By these to sing cleanly of wantonness.'”

“That quote wasn't any more pertinent than mine, Mr. High and Mighty. You aren't as special as you think you are.”

Squabbling good naturedly, the couple spent their walk flinging quotes at each other as fast as they could think of them. Towards the end, Elizabeth recognized that Mr. Darcy did indeed have the upper hand and changed her strategy to getting him to laugh. She accompanied her quotes with dramatic voices and wild hand gestures and chose the most ridiculous quotes she could think of, thrilling each time she heard his deep rich laugh and saw the worry lift from his face. Darcy enjoyed seeing her return to her usual teasing self and was secretly delighted that he had been the one who had helped her.

Mr. Darcy was reciting a quote from a Shakespearean sonnet when Elizabeth realized that she had completely exhausted her supply of pertinent quotes. She hated to admit defeat, but her mind was completely blank. Thinking on her feet, Elizabeth said “Wander'ng the fields, my love, I saw a cow/ and thus we must watch our step for I fear that now/ a careful frolic this will not allow/ for beware the path trod by the cow.”

Darcy sputtered “Elizabeth! That is not a poem!”

“Surely you don't doubt me, my love? It is a poem by Donne. I will admit that it is not one of his more common works, but ...” She trailed off giggling.

“Minx! Are you trying to steal my victory through cheating and deception? This must be severely punished.” He quickly snaked an arm up and grabbed the branch above her head, shaking it so that the dew gathered on the leaves rained down on her. Screaming, Elizabeth leapt away and then began to chase him laughing back towards the house. Mr. Darcy ran fast, but frequently turned back to laugh at her as she followed. As they broke into a clearing, Elizabeth caught up with him and grabbed his arm. Turning him to face her, she gasped “Caught you!” before dissolving into breathless laughter. They leaned on each other laughing, and after a moment, Elizabeth grinned up at him and said primly “You know, Mr. Darcy, I think I am going to enjoy being your wife.” She was being facetious, but as Mr. Darcy looked down at her, his eyes softened and he was perfectly earnest when he said “I am going to enjoy having you as my wife.”

It was almost too much for him. She was gazing up at him glowing with laughter and love and flushed with running and it was all he could do to keep from kissing her. Elizabeth sensed the change in mood and knew he was deciding whether or not to kiss her. She was apprehensive about the entire idea of kissing (she didn't like heading into situations where she didn't know what to expect), but Elizabeth suddenly found that she wanted him to kiss her very much. She turned towards him, drawing closer and without an overt movement on either side, his lips closed on hers. Although they had both longed for this moment, the sensation was so unfamiliar they both startled back. Chuckling softly, Darcy dipped his head and reclaimed her lips. Gently, ever so gently, he caressed her lips with his, kissing the corners of her mouth then moving to claim her lips again. If Elizabeth thought that being held in his arms was overwhelming, she had no words to explain the exhilaration of this. He drew back; she smiled shyly and intertwined her fingers with his as they headed back to the house. As they entered the house she dropped his hand as he opened the door for her, and stepping through she exclaimed, `Colonel Fitzwilliam! What a surprise!”

Quotes:

Christopher Marlowe “ The Passionate Shepherd to His Love” 1599

John Donne “The Bait' 1633

Sir Walter Raleigh “The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd” 1600 (Not quoted but mentioned)

Robert Herrick “Corinna's Going A-Maying” 1648

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