The Twelve Days of Christmas

By Julia

Author's Note.... I am sitting here very sick, and while I am sick... my mind tends to do strange things.... Anyway this story has been poking about in my head for over a year... and I decided to finally put it onto paper... or whatever... hope you enjoy it!!!

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

A partridge in a pear tree.....

LONDON

Fitzwilliam Darcy was away from Pemberley on business during the weeks before the holiday what would take our beloved hero away on business before Christmas, you ask????? Who knows!!! It's my story and I can take it where I want it to go... besides I am sick and as stated before my mind does weird things when I am sick..... and wanted so terribly to be home with his wife, after all this was only their second Christmas together as man and wife. So to make this Christmas special, while they were separated, he thought it would be nice to send his true love a special treat.

After an immense amount of thought and some frantic searching, he found a merchant who would send his wife a partridge in a pear tree on the first of the twelve days of Christmas.

PEMBERLEY

Elizabeth was sitting in the Library missing her hubby something awful when Mrs. Reynolds enters the room bearing a rather large shrubbery that is making a peculiar sound.

"This has just arrived for you Mrs. Darcy."

"Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds. What is it? And have you any idea why it is making such noise?" after all a carriage ride from London to Pemberley would make you cranky too...Mrs. Darcy asked as the shrubbery was set upon an end table.

"I believe, Mrs. Darcy, that it is a gift from the Master, 'a partridge in a pear tree.'"

"Oh, how wonderful! And romantic! I think?!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she walked around the shrubbery, examining it for the partridge and likewise the pears.....

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.......

LONDON

Mr. Darcy was searching again. He had to find two turtledoves and a partridge in a pear tree.... Not an easy task in London 11 days before Christmas. On a stroke of genius, he decided to go back to the same merchant that had sold him the pear tree yesterday. He found he was in luck, not only did the merchant have the turtle doves, but he also had another pear tree and knew where he could get his hands on another partridge, as well. Mr. Darcy was very delighted and wondered what Elizabeth thought of the gift he had sent the day before.

PEMBERLEY

Elizabeth sat again in the library, wondering when the next delivery would take place. She knew what the delivery would be, two turtledoves, but not when.

She was immersed in her own thought when she heard something at the door of the library. She got up and opened the door to Mrs. Reynolds with her arms full of a shrubbery and a small cage.

Elizabeth quickly grabbed the cage and examined the contents therein. "OOOOhhhh," she squealed in delight, "two turtle doves. But what is the deal with the shrubbery???"

Mrs. Reynolds put the shrubbery down on the matching end table and deadpanned, "A partridge in a pear tree."

Elizabeth's response to this was a bemused smile, hoping Mrs. Reynolds was not put out.

"Oh well, it shall be a noisy library until Fitzwilliam returns. This is kind of fun, wouldn't you agree Mrs. Reynolds?" Elizabeth asked of the retreating figure.

"Only if you don't have to clean up after this mess." Mrs. Reynolds mumbled the last hoping the Mrs. Darcy would not be able to hear her.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Three French hens
Two turtle doves and
A partridge in a pear tree...

LONDON

Mr. Darcy, thinking ahead this time, went back to the original merchant who had gotten him the turtledoves and the pear trees. This time he went in and asked for three French hens.

"What the heck is a French hen?" the merchant asked.

"How should I know," replied Mr. Darcy, "you are the one who deals with the exotic birds!"

"Alright, Mr. Darcy, I will do my best to procure these birds for you. Do you want me to send the same things as yesterday and the three French hens as well?" the merchant asked in a tired tone. He had only been doing this for two days, but he was already wondering where he would get another pear tree. Birds, he had those... and if Mr. Darcy wanted birds, he would do his darndest to get them for him...

PEMBERLEY

Elizabeth had been in the conservatory( with the knife, no wait, maybe it was the candlestick) when the latest gift had been delivered.

Mrs. Reynolds came to her with a weary expression on her face. "Mrs. Darcy, ma'am, there has been a delivery for you. You will find it in the library."

Elizabeth rushed into the house and around to the library. The place was in utter cacophony. The turtledoves, of which there were four now, were cooing at each other from across the desk. The partridges were singing a song now that there were three of them and the French hens were squawking loudly.

Elizabeth put her hand over her ears and looked about her. If she wanted to she could actually build her own aviary and stock it well on only the first three days of Christmas. She left the room with her hands still over her ears.

Mrs. Reynolds went into the library just seconds after the Mistress had left and began to assess the situation, making mental notes as to whom she would assign the nasty task of cleaning up after all of these birds.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Four colly birds,
Three French hens
Two turtledoves and
A partridge in a pear tree....

LONDON

Where in London am I going to find colly birds? Mr. Darcy thought to himself as he woke up that morning in the Darcy townhouse. The exotic bird dealer had come through so far, so he returned to that merchants shop after a good breakfast and a brisk walk.

"Four colly birds?" asked the merchant in a slightly surprised voice. "As well as all the rest????"

"Yes." Replied Mr. Darcy in a most eager tone of voice. "I want this to be very special."

"More like smelly," the merchant said under his breath. "Alright, sir... I will see what can be done."

PEMBERLEY

Mrs. Reynolds was tired. She did not sleep well with all those birds in the library. So, it was with a slight grumble that she informed the mistress that a new delivery had arrived and was waiting for her in the Library.

"Oh, good heavens!" Mrs. Darcy cried when she neared the Library and heard the commotion. "What in the name of Sam Hill does he think he is doing? The Library is a complete madhouse, much in the same vein as Bedlam!"

Mrs. Reynolds, who had followed her mistress into the Library, just stood there and sadly shook her head. "Poor Zeke. He will have such a time cleaning up after these nasty, smelly creatures. Methinks, it is only going to get worse...." This last bit was said under her breath, so as not to have her mistress too put out.

Lets take a total now.... So far we have 4 partridges in 4 pear trees, affectionately known as shrubbery. 8 turtledoves, six French hens and 4 colly birds..... As of this moment residing in the Pemberley Library......... Wow... what a lot of bird poop........

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Five gold rings.....
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves, and
A partridge in a pear tree......

LONDON

Mr. Darcy knew exactly where to get the five gold rings. An old school chum of his had set up a business in jewelry and was doing fairly well. His creations were of very good craftsmanship. So, to the jewelers on --------- St. he went.

"Good day to you, Simon. I have need of 5 golden rings. Actually if you want to get technical, I will need a total of forty. But, not all today... but five a day for the next eight days. Do you think you can handle this order?" Mr. Darcy said....

Simon, smiling happily at the sight of his old school chum, and I might add the order he was about to fill.... His eyes were filled with dollar signs as well...(okay I have no button on my computer for the Pound sign,....... "Of course, Mr. Darcy. Have I ever let you down before??? Where shall I send them, and to whom should I bill them?"

Well, the order was placed, filled and then delivered. But, Mr. Darcy still had to make a trip to the exotic bird's merchant. He promptly finished that order and went back to his business. you know... that business that kept him in London and away from his loverly bride and home ...

PEMBERLEY

By this day, Elizabeth was waiting in the foyer for the delivery. She was not disappointed, for the delivery was right on schedule, in regards to the last four days.....

Mrs. Reynolds, waiting beside her mistress, was overjoyed when the deliveryman stepped out of his wagon with only five small boxes. But, her joy was soon deflated as he went back to the wagon for the rest of the mess.

"Where shall I put these loverly birds, Mrs. R," the deliveryman asked.

"What are you talking about?" Mrs. Darcy enquired.

"Whelp," says the delivery man, "I got a whole mess a'birds sitting in the back of the wagon and I needs to get back to work."

With a huge sigh of exasperation, and a nod of her head, Mrs. Darcy led the way to the Library.

"This is getting to be more trouble than it is worth, I mean, I love Fitzwilliam with all my heart, but this is getting to be a monstrous mess!!! And the Library is starting to smell.... It will certainly ruin all these wonderful books. What are we going to do Mrs. Reynolds?????????"

"Well, you could have the grounds men try to build a pen or some sort of aviary for the bigger birds, and the turtledoves and the partridges and their shrubberies could be moved to the conservatory." Mrs. Reynolds suggested.

"Make it so, Mrs. Reynolds," Mrs. Darcy responded with the authority of the very overwhelmed.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Six geese a laying,
Five gold rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens
Two turtledoves and
A partridge in a pear tree.....

LONDON

Mr. Darcy was particularly enjoying this Christmas, like none other in his life. He wondered if the Mrs. Darcy was enjoying it as well.

As he set off towards the farmers market on the outskirts of London, he remembered that he would have to make some changes to his honey-do list when he returned to his estate. Well, for one he knew that his dearest, loveliest Elizabeth would want some sort of aviary built to house all the birds. And, his stables and the barn would need to be upgraded to house the cattle.............

PEMBERLEY

"Mrs. Reynolds, have the grounds men completed the pen for the larger birds?" asked Mrs. Darcy on the sixth day. "Because, I have a strong feeling we will be needing it today. I know that geese are loud and noisome creatures, and will need the extra room."

"Not to mention smelly and ugly," added Mrs. Reynolds as quietly as she could. "If this continues on in the same vein as it started in, we will be needing the eggs......" Mrs. Reynolds trailed off as the delivery wagon rolled up the snowy drive to the main house. "Shall I send him off towards the back of the house, Mrs. Darcy?"

"Yes. Mrs. Reynolds, if we are to get through this together, would you mind calling me Elizabeth? After dealing with this mess, I think that I shall be able to face anything that life hurls at me...." Mrs. Darcy responded.

The geese a' laying were sent around the back and unloaded into the pen near the stables. Mrs. Reynolds and Elizabeth sat down in the kitchen to figure out what was coming next and how they would be able to deal with it all.....

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Seven swans a' swimming,
Six geese a' laying,
Five gold rings,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens
Two turtle doves, and
A partridge in a pear tree...

LONDON

'The swans will be so much fun. Elizabeth will absolutely love them. And I know that they will look beautiful on the front pond. Although if I leave them there, we will not be able to go swimming there as often. Oh well, Elizabeth will know what to do with them. I trust her judgment.' Mr. Darcy thought as he was on his way to the business meeting he was required to attend.

PEMBERLEY

"Is the driver here yet?" Mrs. Darcy tiredly asked the exhausted Mrs. Reynolds.

"I believe I see the wagon coming up the drive now. But where did you plan on putting the swans?" responded Mrs. Reynolds in kind.

"The pond out front is not yet frozen, I believe that they will be fine there. Although we will not be able to swim there come summer......" Mrs. Darcy added wistfully remembering the first time she saw Mr. Darcy at his home before she called it her own...

"The swans will be pretty loud, Mrs. Darcy. I do think I remember cook having a good recipe for broasted squab....oh no , wait, that would be the turtledoves...." Mrs. Reynolds stated with an equanimity that encompassed all the fowl.

Before she knew what had been said, Mrs. Darcy was laughing so hard her sides hurt. Mrs. Reynolds was not far behind. When the two finally calmed down, they set about planning what to do when tomorrow's delivery arrived.

let's recap now what fowls run amuck on the Darcy land....shall we????? We have seven partridges in seven pear trees, twelve turtledoves flying around in the conservatory, fifteen French hens doing whatever it is that French hens do in the pen in the backyard, sixteen colly birds doing whatever it is that they do in the pen, fifteen gold rings (which the Mrs. Darcy could not help but admire), twelve geese a laying their eggs in the backyard pen (both Mrs. Reynolds and Mrs. Darcy agreed that these eggs would come in handy towards the end of our little tale), and seven swans a' swimming out in the famous front pond. And yes, our heroines did know what was next and they were prepared....

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eight maids a' milking,
Seven swans a' swimming,
Six geese a' laying,
Five gold rings,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves, and
A partridge in a pear tree....

LONDON

Mr. Darcy was not enjoying his stay in London, but he was having fun trying to get all of the gifts ready for his wife back home at Pemberley. He knew that she would be having the time of her life enjoying his gift this year.

As he struck out early the eighth morning to the dairy farm just on the other side of town, he realized that he did not really have the facilities to house eight cows and their maids a' milking them. But, there again, he trusted Elizabeth's judgment.

PEMBERLEY

Mrs. Reynolds was sure she was ready for this day's delivery. However, she believed that the mistress was just a bit over this by now. With the menagerie she had housed in the conservatory and the pen in the backyard, very few residents of the grand old house got very much sleep.

"Elizabeth, why don't you write to your husband and tell him to quit now while he still has a house standing?" Mrs. Reynolds tried to say this tactfully, but failed miserably.

"My dear Mrs. Reynolds, I would truly not want to discourage him in this attempt to do something nice for me while we are parted. But, I do know this, if he even dares to come home before I am completely over this, I will have to punish him." Mrs. Darcy replied in her most civil tone.

Mrs. Reynolds knew that the mistress was joking, but was now guilty of having the same thoughts herself, and not joking.

The deliveryman arrived with a wagon full of young milking maids with their cows tied behind the cart. He looked up the stairs to the main door of Pemberley with an apologetic look on his face and stated as humbly as he could, "You won't kill the messenger, will ya?"

Both Mrs. Darcy and Mrs. Reynolds reassured him that they held him in no way at fault for this mess, and asked the driver to tote his cargo around the back of the house to the stables, and unload it there.

Mrs. Darcy stood with one hand on her hip and the other running tiredly through her hair and asked, "Mrs. Reynolds, what is the weather to be like tonight? I mean, I know it is cold, but do you think it will snow? I should not be able to sleep knowing those young ladies are out there in the stables if it is to snow tonight. Do we have rooms and linen enough for them?"

"Let me see, there are eight of them, and if this trend continues, we will have forty of them by the time this is through. If we put eight in a room we will only have to use five rooms. I think we should be able to handle it. Would you like them in the east wing or the west wing for the next few nights? And oh yes, I do believe we will have snow tonight. I cannot bear the thought of them freezing out there as well.... Well, I best get busy. There are a lot of things that must be done before the next delivery comes." With this said, Mrs. Reynolds walked off down the hall, murmuring about all the crud that needed to be done.

Elizabeth, who was, as we know, no stranger to hard work, was up all night assisting Mrs. Reynolds in getting the extra rooms ready for their already unwelcome guests, most of whom had not even arrived yet. She was also busy helping the kitchen staff come up with new and exciting ways to cook fowl.........

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a' milking,
Seven swans a' swimming,
Six geese a' laying,
Five gold rings,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves, and
A partridge in a pear tree...

LONDON

Mr. Darcy thought he was doing the most wonderful thing in the world for his wife, as he made his way towards the ___ Militia's local camp. He was absolutely sure that he would be able to find the next two items on his list there. He strode up to the commander in chief and laid his deal on the table. Less that half an hour later, he strode out of the camp with the next two days taken care of. He thought that with two days taken care of in one day, he might spend the next two days actually shopping for the perfect Christmas present for his dearest, loveliest Elizabeth. (Just saying that phrase made him all misty and foggy-like... and no... it wasn't the weather)

PEMBERLEY

"Where in the name of all that is holy am I going to put half of the regimental band?" Mrs. Darcy screamed as she heard the drumming coming from in front of the house. "I am seriously going to need a holiday after this all blows over!"

Mrs. Reynolds, who herself was beginning to experience the first signs of premature senility herself, suggested the long abandoned summer house on the shores of ____ lake just a half a mile to the east of the main house. "There they should not be able to make enough noise to bother anyone, least of all us, Elizabeth."

"Shoot, Mrs. Reynolds, why did not I think of that. Why don't we plan on sending the pipers that will be on their merry little ways tomorrow there too?"

To which Mrs. Reynolds heartily agreed. She disappeared for a few moments, and returned carrying a large bottle and two glasses. "Here, Elizabeth, I do believe we both deserve a good long swig of this stuff, as well as need it to bolster our courage to deal with the remaining three days of this catastrophe."

It is not necessary for me to state here, that the two ladies in charge of the house, slept very soundly that night and well into the next day, waking only soon enough to witness the screeching of the pipers piping up the drive.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Ten pipers piping,
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a' milking,
Seven swans a' swimming,
Six geese a' laying,
Five gold rings,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves, and
A partridge in a pear tree.....

LONDON

Mr. Darcy was blissfully unaware of the state of cheese in Denmark, well that is to say... He had absolutely no blinking idea what a mess his house had become. He went on his merry little way, shopping for the perfect Christmas gift for his loving and soon to be certifiable wife. He stopped at the milliners and at the dressmakers. He thought he would surprise his wife with a complete outfit for the New Year.

Little did he know what he was in for when he showed up at the estate the day before Christmas.

PEMBERLEY

The Mrs.'s Darcy and Reynolds had stationed an under-butler at the beginning of the drive to ward off the pipers (let us not forget the drummers and the rest of the whole she-bang) as they came marching along. They had also given instructions that they were not to be disturbed.

Truth be told, they were trying to figure out sleeping arrangements for the lords a leapin' and the ladies dancing. You must remember that they were definitely 'old school' and would not be accused of having anything untoward happening while they had this mess to take care of. They soon realized that the leapers and the dancers would not put up with being out in the yard for long, so they decided to turn the west wing into a dormitory for the ladies and reserve a few rooms in the east wing for the lords that would come a' leaping onto the grounds of Pemberley within 2 or so days.

The Mrs.'s Darcy and Reynolds breathed a sigh of relief when they heard the last of the drummers marching by through the yard and out towards the summerhouse.

"We must remember to send them something to eat," sighed Mrs. Darcy.

"Well, if there is one thing we do have, it is food, albeit, live, but we can soon remedy that situation," replied Mrs. Reynolds wearily. "It is not like we don't have any geese to cook or eggs to make breakfast with....", she added with a very exhausting sigh.

"Not to mention the fresh milk, cheese and butter. By the way, Mrs. Reynolds, what exactly do we have in our menagerie at this moment??? Oh, and how many people will that summerhouse actually hold? We now have twenty drummers and eleven pipers. And by the time this whole nightmare ends we will have... hmmmm.....(here Mrs. Darcy is trying to do the addition in her brandy addled brain let me see....."

"Thirty-six drummers and thirty pipers, not to mention the twenty-two ladies and the twelve lords."

"How do you do that?", Mrs. Darcy asked with a smile on her face. "Haven't you had as much of this stuff as I have? By the by, this brandy is a lot better than that swill they think we ladies should be drinking. No wonder the men always go off after dinner for this stuff. I think I could get used to this stuff as well!"

"Years of practice, my dear," Mrs. Reynolds replied. "And I will heartily agree with you on the Brandy thingy."

This last bit brought on a fit of brandy and humor induced laughter, which only subsided when a young servant from the kitchen came to bring them tea.

a recap for those of you who hate maths as much as I do.... We now have ten partridges residing in shrubberies, eighteen turtle doves hanging out in the conservatory, twenty-four French hens hanging out with the turtle doves in the conservatory, twenty-eight colly birds (doing whatever it is that colly birds do) snoozing in the pen in the yard, thirty gold rings (gathering dust on the top of Mrs. Darcy's dressing table), thirty geese laying eggs in the pen by the stables, twenty-eight swans polluting 'the pond' out in front of Pemberley, twenty-four maids milking their cows out in the stables, eighteen drummers drumming out at the old summer house, along with their housemates the ten pipers piping.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eleven ladies dancing,
Ten pipers piping,
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a' milking,
Seven swans a' swimming,
Six geese a' laying,
Five gold rings,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves, and
A partridge in a pear tree.....

LONDON

Darcy knew that if he dropped a name or two around the Royal theatre in London, that he would be able to fill the next two days worth of gifts for his adorable and loving wife. So, that is just what he did.

Giving directions to his driver, Mr. Darcy set off towards the theatre district. He realized that the dear old bag, Lady Catherine, would probably skin him alive if she knew that he was using her name in the same room as his wife's, but he was willing to take that chance. He also paid the acting troupes very well to keep their mouths shut.

With the last two days taken care of, he breathed a sigh of relief. However, he still had to find the perfect accoutrements for his wife's new outfit. He sat in the coach, getting all hot and bothered dreaming of the time when he would be able to see his wife in the new outfit. He had been told it was all the rage in Paris at this time. So, he decided, that nothing was too good for his dearest, loveliest Elizabeth... again, getting all misty and foggy-like...

PEMBERLEY

"Well, at least we are ready for them." Mrs. Darcy stated to the room, as she watched the drive for the latest delivery of chaos. She knew it was coming, and had approached, and been joined by Mrs. Reynolds, in a brandy to bolster their resolve to not let this mess get them too down during the last few days before Christmas.

"Dear Georgiana will be joining us this year, will she not?" Mrs. Reynolds asked the quiet room.

"I do believe so. OH my soul, we have given her room to the milkmaids. She will not only be extremely put out, but where are we going to put her?????" Mrs. Darcy replied.

Mrs. Reynolds let out a huge sigh, and explained that she had remembered that Georgiana would be home for the holidays this year and let Elizabeth know that all was well in the lodging department. For you see, Mrs. Reynolds had not only remembered, but also planned on the arrival of Georgiana, for a diversion from the nastiness that now enveloped the entire estate of Pemberley.

"Mrs. Darcy, ... Elizabeth, it is the eleventh day of the twelve and I have been thinking. I know that is dangerous considering the amount of brandy we have consumed in the last five days, but, what would you think about making this fiasco into a grand party? I mean, most of these people will be away from their families on Christmas Eve, and we certainly have enough to go around. Plus, we will not have to send out for food, or musicians. We could invite the tenants. I am sure they would love a good party, don't you think?" Mrs. Reynolds stated with just a hint of enthusiasm. "Besides, it will be a good way to get rid of all the excess birds. We could broil and bake then, maybe even sauté little pieces parts of some of them and put them over noodles and then, we could have some as garnishes for the salads, of course we will have to send off for the greens, and then we could make soup for the masses, and of course, the feathers will adorn next years ornaments and bonnets, and wouldn't you like to send some of those feathers to your sisters? I do remember you saying that they were fond of making their own bonnets. Oh, and everyone shall have new feather pillows... what a wonderful and fun evening this would make..."

Mrs. Darcy sat there listening to the head of the household rambling on like some lunatic, unsure of what judgment exactly to give her. However, the longer she listened, the more it made sense. These poor actors and such, would be away from their homes and families this Christmas and the least she could do was share the wealth.

Mrs. Reynolds had stopped babbling long enough for Elizabeth to get a word in edgewise. "Mrs. Reynolds, I think that this is a wonderful idea, however, we do have to be careful so as not to, uh, shall we say dispose of the original idea, so to speak. I mean, when Mr. Darcy returns home on the day before Christmas, we must have at least one of everything that he sent available for him to see. I would hate for him to be disappointed in the realization that we ate one of the six geese, or slaughtered one of the eight cows, dontcha know????"

"I see your point Elizabeth, and we will be very careful not to step on our loving masters toes." Mrs. Reynolds burst out into a fit of laughter.

As laughter is contagious, Mrs. Darcy soon joined in. After their fit subsided, the two of them called the senior staff together and laid the plan out before them. The Mrs.'s Darcy and Reynolds decided that all the plans and cooking would have to be done by about this same time tomorrow. And that the party would begin very shortly after the twelve lords a' leaping and the rest of the entourage had arrived.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Twelve Lords a' leaping,
Eleven ladies dancing,
Ten pipers piping,
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a' milking,
Seven swans a' swimming,
Six geese a' laying,
Five gold rings,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves, and
A partridge in a pear tree.....

LONDON

Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy was ready to be home. He had been ready, since the day his carriage had brought him to the city. He was savoring the memories of Pemberley, waiting for the new day to be able to get him back home.

He had decided to cut his business short until after the New Year, in order to be home with the most important women in his life. He really did miss Mrs. Reynolds, who had become a surrogate mother to him in the years since his own mother's death. And of course he missed his lovely wife and well, that is enough said about that. And the third woman he missed was his darling little sister, who had conveniently absented herself from Pemberley for most of the last year, in order to give himself and Elizabeth the time to get used to things at home. But this year he was to join the family again for Christmas.

Mr. Darcy was so looking forward to being home, that he quite forgot the hour and spent the rest of the day before he was to leave in bed dreaming of sugarplums and other delectable sweets...(we shall not delve any further into the subconscious of our beloved Mr. Darcy)

PEMBERLEY

The last day of the nightmare had arrived. Most of the servants and houseguests had worked through the night trying to ready everything for the party that was to take place that evening. The Mrs.'s Darcy and Reynolds had sent out invitations to all the tenants that morning and had received back positive responses from all of them.

"Well," sighed Mrs. Darcy very wearily, "all that is left to do now is wait for the last delivery. We have already taken care of all the excess animals, and they are now being prepared. This last delivery will cover the entirety of the twelve days and we have only to send the extra's back home tonight with the tenants. The gardeners have already dismantled the pens that were holding those foul birds and the cows have been taken care of. The milkmaids have been busy all day churning butter and making cheeses. The ladies have all helped hang the decorations and I think that that is all there is to be done..."

Mrs. Reynolds plopped down on the couch where Elizabeth was slouching. "My dear, we have gotten through this. There is no reason for Mr. Darcy to ever wonder what went on. However, if you chose to give him a piece of your mind, what little you have left after this adventure, let me know... I will want to join you and give him what little I have left as well....."

As they sat there in their own respective undignified heaps, the hour drew close for the last delivery. They decided to go and freshen up for the party before the arrival of their goodies and guests.

When the ladies had finished primping, (which didn't take long in their exhausted states of mind...) they walked out to the drive to await the full twelve days worth of gifts. They did not have to wait for long, for down the drive came the twelve Lords a' leaping followed by the eleven ladies dancing, then came the ten pipers piping and the nine drummers drumming. The eight maids were leading their cows followed by the wagon full of the seven swans and the six geese. The five gold rings were borne in a box by the driver of the last wagon. In this wagon were the four colly birds, the three French hens, the two turtledoves and the last partridge in a pear tree.

"That last shrubbery looks a little less like a pear tree than the first one, Mrs. Reynolds, don't you think?" Mrs. Darcy queried.

"At this point," exclaimed Mrs. Reynolds, "I don't give a bloody darn what it looks like, as long as it is the last one." At this, she burst out in a fit of very undignified giggles and the two ladies of the house almost fell over on the stairs to the stately mansion of Pemberley.

As soon as the last wagon passed by, the tenants who had been following it, came upon a sight they had seldom witnessed. The Mrs. Darcy and Reynolds, practically causing each other to fall over while trying to support one another in their fit of the giggles. But, as soon as the two ladies caught sight of the tenants following the wagon in their Sunday-go-to-meeting best, they tried to regain their composure.

It would suffice it to say that they failed miserably. The tenants failed to see what the ladies had found so amusing in the loving gifts the master of the estate had bestowed upon his deserving and loving wife.

Anyhow, the ladies welcomed all to the party and followed the last tenants' family through the front doors.

We shan't go into the particulars of the wonderful party here. It will be sufficient to say that a wonderful time was had by all. The maids, pipers, drummers, ladies and lords all made it home to their respective homes the next day.

On the thirteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

PEMBERLEY

The remains of the party had all been whisked away by the more than able hands of the servants of Pemberley, as well as the mistress and her new bestest friend in the whole wide world. By the time that Mr. Darcy arrived from London, there was not a trace of the fact that a raging party had occurred there the night before.

Elizabeth found herself wandering out by the front pond, awaiting the arrival of her husband. She found she bore him no ill will, but made a resolution to put a stop to any future nonsense before it had a chance to begin. She decided that if he should ever have to go away before Christmas again, that she would not be left alone at Pemberley, subject to the whims of her, dare I say...whimsical... husband, especially during the holidays..... She felt for sure that she would never leave his side for an instant during the month of December.

As she was so agreeably engaged, she heard the rumbling of the masters' carriage on the gravel of the drive. She glanced up and saw that it had come to a stop not far from where she had been standing. Mr. Darcy leaped out of the carriage, (not unlike those twelve lords that had been there the day before...) and ran to greet his wife.

Let us just say that the less said about the greeting the better....

Mr. and Mrs. Darcy walked arm in arm through the front door and towards the dining room. After all the work the servants had put in throughout the last eleven days, Mrs. Darcy had thoughtfully given then time off for good behavior.

As he glanced around, Mr. Darcy noticed the servants, or shall we say the lack thereof, and made a comment stating such to his beautiful, if somewhat tired looking, wife.

Mrs. Darcy responded, "It is the holidays my dear, and I thought it best after all the work they had done whilst you were away, to give them today and tomorrow off. I know we shall have to fend for ourselves on Christmas day, but it will not be that bad. I have gotten very familiar with the workings of the estate whilst you were gone. And I should like to be able to show these newfound traits off to you with none but you for an audience!"

Mrs. Reynolds, who had been hanging about just to make sure that the master and the mistress would be alright, heard this last lie spewing forth from the mistress and gave a little giggle. She sauntered into the dining room and bade the Mr. and the Mrs., a very happy holiday and goodnight.

On the way out the door, Elizabeth caught the small thumbs up sign that Mrs. Reynolds flashed her and suppressed a small giggle. Mr. Darcy caught her in her giggle and asked what was so funny.

"Only this my dear, if you are ever away before the holidays again..." here she paused a very, very, very, very pregnant pause, "I will be chained to your wrist. I have no desire to go through what you have put me through ever again. Besides, I still think that I have not gotten over my hangover yet."

Before the last bit was uttered, Mr. Darcy felt that the Mrs., had missed him terribly, until he heard and registered the part about the hangover...

"My dear Elizabeth," Mr. Darcy exclaimed... "Just what have you been doing while I was away?????"

"I shall never tell, my dear. I shall never tell..."

The End

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