Fly Me to the Moon

Roxanne

Jump to new as of March 6, 2003
Jump to new as of September 18, 2003
Jump to new as of October 18, 2003

Part 1

Posted on Thursday, 26 September 2002, at 8:29 p.m.

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me
Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

~

I can't think of Charles Bennet without remembering the lyrics to the song, "Fly me to the Moon."

My sister Lizzie loved to go to the air fields on her day off and watch the airplanes. And I would take my dad's brand spanking new 1946 Buick Road master. I loved that car. Anyway, we would go out on the Saturdays that we weren't working, and sit in the car, with the top down. We would watch the planes come in and go out.

It was such a thrill for Lizzie. She would watch with her eyes sparkling... She had such a sense of wonder. I think that is why he loved her so much.

But, I am getting ahead of myself!

I loved to sit in the car and Listen to the Radio. Wow! The Shadow, Sam Spade, The Whistler, and as unpopular as it was, I liked the Philco Radio show with Bing Crosby. I almost felt like a traitor when I laughed at Bob Hope.

But, one evening when Lizzie and I were sitting in the car, her watching the planes and me putting my feet up and listening to Nat King Cole singing "I love you for sentimental reasons" which is not usually my style. I like mysteries and comedies, but the sentimental stuff... it was for the birds.

But this time instead of flipping the dial disgustedly, I let my eyes scan across the field. Have you ever gotten into one of those moods where you just go where your mind takes you? You aren't really thinking about much, but you amaze yourself with where you free fall? Well I was in one of those dazes. Thinking back on it, I am sure that Lizzie and I looked like the boy craziest teeny-boppers ever, But the truth was, It wasn't the boys! Sometimes the house was so full and noisy that we wanted to go somewhere that we could be by ourselves.

Anyway, there was a young flyer, and he turned and looked me straight in the face and smiled. I can't even remember if I smiled back. Jerk that I was. I think I was just shocked that he actually noticed us. We did this just about every Saturday and no one had even made a peep at us. It was our secret place. And now we realized that we really weren't alone.

Neither Lizzie nor I were the belles of the ball. I think I was only asked out twice during my high school career, and one of those was from a 6 year old I babysat. He was a honey.

Some people say I look like June Allyson, but I think that is more my demeanor than my looks. I have hard time thinking anyone is really all bad. Lizzie says it is my worst flaw. Lizzie can size a person up immediately and usually she is right on target. Myself on the other hand, I am a sucker. The stray dogs and cats can find me a mile away. I am always helping the guys I fall in love with, and most of the time I help them right into someone else's arms.

Anyway, I thought my beaming flyboy was a one time experience, only significant in that it was a first. Boy was I wrong.

Part Two

~

Once I get you up there, where the air is rarefied

We'll just glide, starry eyed

Once I get you up there, I'll be holding you so near

You may hear, angels cheer - because were together

Weather wise it's such a lovely day

You just say the words, and we'll beat the birds

Down to Acapulco Bay

It's perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say

Come fly with me, we'll fly we'll fly away

~

If you had told me that day that I was going to meet my soulmate, the man that I loved and cared for the rest of my life, I think I would have never made it out the door. I would have worried about my hair and my dress, my shoes and my nails. And I would have copped out and mowed the lawn.

But I didn't have a clue. I had on my grungy pink gingham skorts. I was just walking to the post office to buy stamps. It was a beautiful day and I had a skip in my step. I wasn't in a big hurry to be anywhere.

When I think about where we lived, I realized how lucky we were. It was like "Leave it to Beaver." I cannot imagine the past without rose colored glasses. There are always roses on the trellis and hopscotch patterns written in chalk on the sidewalk.

I think that I remember jumping hopscotch for a minute before I actually was on my way. And then I laughed at myself for giving in to a fit of childishness. Early twenties are an odd age, you still have the energy of a teenager, but somehow the weight of the world feels like it is on your shoulders. Maybe it is the choices you make may affect the rest of your life, or maybe it is how big life really is.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about the post office was the man who ran it. He had a handle bar mustache and still wore garters on his sleeves. He was not the kindest person in the world in fact he was rather cantankerous, but for some odd reason he liked me.

There was a line in the office for stamps. That was not too unusual. But I saw the flirty fly boy waiting in line ahead of me. I tried very hard to stay out of his view, just in case he was a masher or something.

Although I had to admit, I liked his face and build. He was kind of a boyish Joseph Cotten. I just love Joseph Cotten. "Love Letters" was one of my favorite movies last year. I must have seen it 5 times in a row one Saturday.

When my grinning prince charming was buying stamps , he realized that he didn't have enough change. I waited to see if anyone would offer him some money to help him along, but no one would show pity on a stranger. Sometimes small towns can be clickish.

I couldn't just let him stand there with a bewildered look on his face, so I stepped up and handed him a nickel. It was as if I had given him the moon. I was surprised at how well-mannered and agreeable he was. Surely he was the kindest man in the world.

He waited until I had finished my purchase and then he walked me halfway home. We talked about everything and nothing much all at the same time. If I had known talking to a guy was this easy, I would have started doing it a long time ago.

We stood on the street corner and chatted for a while not even noticing anyone else was around. It wasn't until later that I found out that my sisters saw me talking to him and went home to tell my Mother.

I hoped he would ask me out before we left each other. It wasn't very lady like for me to ask him. It seemed he wasn't going to ask. Perhaps he didn't even want to ask me. We said good bye and he walked away. I sighed. That was it... no more.. No less.

I didn't notice him run up behind me until he said, "by the way, what is your name?"

"Jane Bennet" I said with an almost too eager tone.

"Can I call on you and meet your parents sometime?"

"Ummm, I don't know. I need to talk it over with my Dad." I had to string him along for a minute... don't ask me why.

"Oh, I understand."

"But I am sure they wouldn't mind another mouth to feed tomorrow for dinner. 6pm at 1817 Longbourn Ave."

"I will be there with bells on." he said with a smile.

Part Three

As I walked across my lawn I had the irrepressible urge to turn a cartwheel. So I did.

My sisters Lydia and Kitty were looking out the window at me. I heard them giggle. Nothing like sisters.

When I came in the door my Mother yelled out, "Is that you Jane?" No, I thought, It's Santa Claus. But I never answer that way. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. "Yes, It's me."

Lydia came up to me with a smirk on her face, "I told Mom about the guy you were talking to. You have some explaining to do." When I was younger, I had a hard time confronting people or fighting back. Lydia especially could intimidate me. All she had to do was make me feel guilty and boom... I was speechless.

My Mother came in and said, "Jane, Lydia and Kitty said that you were talking to a young man on the way back from the post office."

"Yes, I was."

"Was he a nice young man?"

"Yes, I think so, he seemed very much a gentleman. But you should judge for yourself. I invited him to dinner tomorrow."

I heard a collective gasp from Kitty, Lydia, and even My bookish sister Mary.

When Mother realized we had company, she would automatically go into a cleaning spree, actually it was more like an obsessive fit. But this time she first picked up the phone and bragged to my Aunt... "Jane has caught a live one." Then and only then did she pull out the Borax.

I was surprised to find that the news had even traveled to My father's laboratory. Actually it was a library that had been slightly converted into a jumbled mess of test tubes and compounds. I really can't remember seeing him in any other room of the house much unless we had company, or it was Christmas. Dad always put on the ritz during the holidays.

I always checked in on him, mainly because Lizzie was always spending her spare time with dad. I was always equally in awe of both my Parents, but Lizzie was definitely a daddy's girl.

As I passed the door of the Lab, my dad called out to me, "Jane! come talk to your old man."

"You aren't an old man..." I said with a smile.

"I feel like one... especially when there are young men standing in line to talk to my Baby Girl."

I really didn't know how to respond to that one...

"He isn't a wolf is he?" he said without looking me in the eye.

" I don't think so... I hope not."

"He had better not be. Maybe I should learn some intimidation skills." at this point he began rubbing his hands together and imitating a villain in a horror story, "So, you want to date my Jane do you? Well, beeewaaaarrrree!"

I laughed so hard. Lizzie and Dad are so much alike. They are very clever, although sometimes Dad is a little, well I hate to say it but, corny.

"Dad please! Don't you or Mother embarrass me. "

"Just me and your Mother? What about Lydia, Mary, and Kitty?"

"Well I was going to include them but I thought it was too much to ask."

He laughed very hard at that one. Then he gave me a hug and said, "I hope he knows what a sweetheart you really are."

Again, I didn't know how to respond.

Part Four

"Lizzie I am so nervous!" I whined pitifully. I really was a nervous wreck. I kept telling myself it was just dinner, not a big deal. I really did seem to want everything to be perfect. Was I in love?

It was too soon to know yet. But I was definitely more than aware of his presence.

Lizzie was going through our closet like a mad woman saying things like, "you should wear this one. It makes you look like a vamp. Maybe he doesn't like vamps. Is he the vamp type?"

"I dunno. I just met him at the post office and we small talked all the way down main."

"What were you wearing? "

"That little biking outfit with the shorts underneath."

"Definitely not the vamp type." she muttered to herself. "Ok, Now I know , you have to wear the yellow dress with the heart shaped neck."

"Lizzie! That one is too... too... "

"Exactly!" she said with a devilish grin.

I wore a little white blouse with a plaid skirt. I couldn't see myself being "too exactly" yet. I am a little shy when it comes to my figure. It is almost too thin. Lizzie and Lydia are curvy just where they need to be. Mary, Kitty, and I on the other hand are on the thin side. I just feel like people stare more at what isn't there, than what is.

I did however part my hair like Veronica Lake. I like to wear it that way and Lizzie helped me get the wave in the top. With a locket clasped around my neck I felt like I looked rather special. I wondered what HE would think.

HE... It had never occurred to me that I didn't ask his name. I don't know why. He somehow within the last few days had been known as Jane's guy or just the guy. Poor man! Thinking back on things, My parents were so desperate that he was lucky they didn't shanghai him or something. Everyone was so excited that I had asked someone to come home that no one even noticed he was nameless.

He arrived 5 minutes early, and he came with a friend. We really weren't expecting anyone else so Mother, Mary , and Kitty rushed into the kitchen to make another place at the table. Later I was to learn they were not too happy about the surplus guest, especially after he had something to say about Lizzie. But again, I am getting ahead of myself.

I planned to introduce him to my family as he walked in I said "Dad, I would like you to meet-" The pause was disgracefully apparent. I felt my cheeks and face get hot and flushed. Lydia began giggling uncontrollably.

"Hello Mr. Bennet, My name is Charles Bingley. I forgot to tell your daughter my name when we met last." He said humbly.

Lydia burst into a roll of laughter. Charles's friend glared at her but didn't say a word. He seemed terribly uncomfortable in our presence. Lizzie later said he was the worst kind of snob.

Charles introduced him as Fitzwilliam Darcy, but everybody just called him Darcy. I hate to admit it, seeing as he was so unpleasant, but I thought he rather looked like Cary Grant.

We sat and broke bread together. Charles fit in like one of the family. Darcy on the other hand... stuck out like a sore thumb. Lydia tried to flirt with him but to no avail. It seemed nothing would please him.

Now what happened to Lizzie was interesting. She had gotten bored with the polite conversation and couldn't seem to steer the topic to aviation. She tried her darndest, but it didn't seem to work. So she decided to sneak out on the front porch and swing.

As Darcy and Charles were walking out, they were unaware she was present. So she overheard a conversation similar to this.

"Didn't I tell you Darce! Huh? Isn't she irresistible? And she has sisters enough for you to choose from . I thought the second one was quite stunning." Charles said in an animated tone.

Lizzie said that in a bored tone Darcy replied, " she is cute... But not really attractive enough to tempt me. I like the sophisticated ones, like I knew in the City."

Lizzie took it all as a joke. She really never thought about it again until the time we visited them. But that is a little further away in the story.

From that time on Bingley would drop in for dinner at least twice a week, sometimes he was even invited. Can you imagine that? Jane Bennet has a beau! I could barely believe it myself.

Part 5

Posted on Thursday, 10 October 2002, at 2:47 p.m.

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-aaye,
My, oh, my what a wonderful day.
Plenty of sunshine headed my way.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-aaye.
Mister Bluebird on my shoulder,
It's the truth, it's actual.
Everything is satisfactual.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-aaye,
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day.
~~~
I remember Lydia singing that song for a solid month after they started playing the commercial on the radio. Lydia loved cartoons. She wanted to work for Disney when she grew up, but none of us really expected her to ever reach maturity.
She had the hardest time with me having a beau. Mainly I think because she felt left out. You see Lizzie and I were inseparable. We were the oldest and we really didn't do much with our younger sisters. So when Lizzie and I made the jump between being alone with each other to going out in groups with other young people, Lydia had to stay at home and watch us. There was a lot for her to be envious of. I am saying this now, because later it will figure in the story.

I often wondered if Charles and I rushed into things too soon. We were inseparable. Which of course, made Darcy and Lizzie miserable, for like it or not , they would have to be together.
I remember one event in particular. We all went bowling. When I say we all, what I really mean is Lizzie, Caroline (Charles' sister), Darcy, Charles and myself. Anyway, We went bowling. What I remember most is not really being able to enjoy myself much because I could tell that Lizzie was miserable. She really didn't like Caroline or Darcy much, and I wasn't much company. As she put it "From the moment you and Charles met, you began revolving around each other". She said that one day to me when things between me and Charles were not doing so well.

One way that Lizzie would combat the "Platoon of snobs" as she so aptly called them, was to bring a book. Not just any book mind you, No, she loved to read books about science and engineering. So she brought along this book big enough to use for a coffee table and became engrossed in a chapter on aerodynamics.

Charles whose mind was only on yours truly, and yes it was wonderful. Started talking about how much he liked small towns, especially small town girls. Darcy seemed extremely bored and seemed to watch Lizzie read to combat his tedium. Caroline began chirping trying to be funny... and not really succeeding. "Elizabeth despises bowling and would rather be a great scientist. It is the only thing she really enjoys."

"I am not a great Scientist... and I enjoy many things." Lizzie replied as she got up and heaved her bowling ball down the lane. She didn't even turn around to see the incredible strike she had just thrown.

She looked incredible as she did it too. Her eyes were blazing and her face flushed with embarrassment. The flustered look suited her. As soon as she sat back down and settled back into her book, I saw a glimmer of admiration cross Darcy's face. It really didn't register as fondness when I saw it then, but now, as I look back, I think he was enamored even then.

Caroline realized that she wasn't really funny, so she gave up on wit and began reading over Lizzie's shoulder. She turned to Darcy and said "You have a bunch of these kind of books at your house don't you ? I always see you buying this stuff at bookstores."

Darcy nodded and said, "I should think I would considering my father and grandfather liked technology just as much as I."

I could tell just the mention of technology bored Caroline to tears and she quickly changed the subject. "How is Georgiana? I miss her terribly. Jane, have you ever met Darcy's sister? She is a genius at piano. She is so polished and sophisticated for her age."

"It amazes me," said Charles rather wistfully, " that girls can do so much now days. I mean our grandmothers just sat around and sewed samplers. Now they compete in athletics and work in factories. They are in every trade and discipline. And even more graceful in work than they were generations back. They astonish me."

"Yes but you generalize too much. As much as Marie Curie and Amelia Earheart have done for their sex, I can say I only know about 10 ladies who can do a job as well as a man." Mr. Darcy said smugly.

" I know less than ten." Caroline quipped.

"Then you must think men are super natural or something." Lizzie said as she looked up from her volume.

"No, It is just women don't have the strength of men, nor do they have the singularity of mind. Whether you believe it or not women and men are different, especially in the way they think."

" Yes and I believe it makes a woman smarter when it comes to doing a task.." Lizzie smiled sweetly.

"Smarter?" Darcy replied.

"Yes, Men have one tract minds and women can do many things at once. Considering that don't you think that they could do a job much better?"

"Perhaps... and perhaps not." he muttered as he looked deeply in her eyes. For the first time I saw Lizzie blush and look away. Did she realize what was going on? I think not. It was still too early to judge anything.

"What is the most admirable trait in a woman? Just that she can keep house? " Lizzie said in a defensive tone.

"Fine weather we've been having..." Charles mentioned in effort to be a peacemaker.

" First of all," said Caroline who was tired of being left out of the conversation, " Every woman has at least one admirable trait, even if it is not the same trait in each one. Secondly, I think that If I had to pick a trait for a wife for my brother, It would be someone with a strong will like myself."

Lizzie looked at me and rolled her eyes at Caroline's statement. I had to snicker. It was obvious those two would never be close friends. We were lucky that they could stand being in the same room with each other.

" A strong mind, a good heart, and a sweet nature, that is what I look for in a woman." Darcy said softly. "Oh! and a tendency to read something besides pulp fiction..." He looked directly at her again. He almost smiled. He walked by her as he picked up his bowling ball. His hand brushed the corner of her book.

She furrowed her brow and sighed. I could tell that this was not going well. I suggested we hurry and complete the game so we could grab a few burgers at the drug store where Lydia worked.

I loved the drug store. It had only been around for a few months then. It was like the diners that you see in Edward Hopper's paintings. We dined inside. Caroline, Lizzie, and I on one side and the guys on the other.

I was always fascinated at how they used diner talk. It is a lost art now. A wimpy with a side of frog legs (which is a hamburger and fries) or a bow-wow painted red (hot dog with ketchup) or stretch one and paint it red ( a cherry coke-a-cola, my favorite), they had a new name for everything.

Charles sat across from me. I can still see him almost slouched in the corner. His eyes almost never left mine. Our feet brushed under the table. My heart pounded a mile a minute. And oh! The look of his hair and face with the high back of the wooden booth behind him. He just sent me...!

I don't really remember what was said much after that. I just remember the way it looked in shades of mahogany and silver. And the sound of the juke-box in the background playing, " Come Rain or Come shine." The thing I remember most, is hearing Darcy humming to the tune. It seemed so out of character for him to hum and yet it was so... intrinsically him. Neither Lizzie nor I were aware at this point, of the depth of the still waters inside him.

"I'm gonna love you, like nobody loves you, come rain, or come shine. Happy together, unhappy together, come rain or come shine..."

What a romantic evening.

Part Six

I don't exactly remember how it happened but Lizzie found out that Charles and Darcy gave Pilot lessons. But she was ecstatic. That is until she found out the price.

"1,000 dollars! That would take me months to earn. Jane can't you kiss Bingley or something so he will go down on the price?"

I felt myself blush all the way to my roots. We were still in the very beginning stages of the relationship. And the thought of kissing him was just so overwhelming. What if it was really lousy?

"I wouldn't want that to be the reason we kissed. " I whispered.

"Me either Kiddo. I was just being sarcastic. Doesn't really suit me does it?" she said with an apologetic shrug. "Maybe I'm envious or I just have the blues. You are so lucky, you know what you want and it is attainable. Me, on the other hand, why must I be cursed with the desire to get up and go? As for the love department, zilch, a zero. Its not that I don't want someone, far from it. I am convinced that I will only marry for love, and for someone to love me, he has got to be a screwball, and I could never love a guy off in the head. At least I hope not anyway."

Poor Lizzie. She never did see what I saw. She was adventurous, stunningly beautiful, clever and had a good heart. She could effortlessly do anything, from sewing to repairing small engines. She was who I wished I could be.

" I don't know what I want either Lizzie. Everybody is reading so much more into this that what is there. It makes me feel so smothered." I felt tears come to my eyes. Up until I said it, I really hadn't even consciously realized how I felt.

"Oh my gosh! Don't let anyone push you into a relationship! Not even me!" she said ardently

"Nobody is pushing. I just, It's all so... fast."

"Well slow it down a bit then."

"How?"

She shrugged and smiled. " Don't ask me. I don't look like Miss Manners or Emma Woodhouse."

I had to giggle even as I was wiping away tears. Life... what a great lesson in humility.

I had a purple sweater I was awfully fond of. It was a soft lavender, and It flattered everything I had and didn't have. It had been missing for days. I was sure that I had it in my closet. But when I searched from pillar to post, it was nowhere to be found. I asked Lizzie, then Kitty, then Mary, but none of them had seen it. Where could I have put it?

The question was answered a few nights later when Lydia had company. Lydia worked at the drug store for a few evenings on weekdays, and on Saturdays. It seems that she had taken my example and brought 3 young men home. All grease monkeys at the garage, they fit right in with my fathers tinkering in the laboratory. Poor Lydia and Kitty had to compete with the smelly chemicals and stories about Shell oil.

There were I cannot for the life of me remember the full name of any of them, well, excluding one, George Wickham. The others... one's last name was Denny, the other... poor man, it is gone. Sorry whoever you are.

As you can see George made the most sensation around the house. I thought that Lizzie was a long goner. They talked and talked and then when they ran out of things to say, they still talked. But, when I realized what they were talking about, that is when things got interesting.

You see Mr. Wickham was a few years older than the other boys. He grew up in the same ritzy neighborhood as Darcy. It was strictly top drawer mind you. But there was one difference between Darcy and faithful George and that was what their fathers did for a living. Darcy's dad and grandfather, and great-grandfather for that matter, were tycoons in the shipping industry. Their only rival was the Vanderbilt family. Wickhams father and grandfather and so on had a trade passed to them too, they were butlers. Yes, they were the "my man Godfreys."

George was a social reformist and It was his hearts desire to become a preacher. He was very persuading, charming, disarming... an all American dreamboat. My mother thought he hung the moon.

When and Lizzie were together, it was like thunder met lightning. He was a world traveler, she wanted to be. He was a pilot in the air force, she wanted to fly. They both had read the same books and seen the same movies. They were perfect together.

But back to my sweater. Lydia had borrowed it without asking . I just hate it when she does that. Especially when she lies about it. Ooooh it just made me so made me so mad. I am not the confronting type, especially back then. I sat down and wrote out a steaming letter, I planned to give it to her after dinner, but I lost my nerve and threw it in the trash. I hoped I could trust her to give it back to me after she had worn it... but she never did.

The next night Bingley came again. Darcy came also. They stayed after dinner and we all played Kitty's Clue game. My younger sisters were thrilled that they were included in the game also.

"I think I have figured it out..." Lizzie said with a pause for dramatic suspense. "It is Col. Mustard in the kitchen with the wrench."

"It can't be!" Darcy said with a serious face. "I have the Col. Mustard card."

He turned his card around and Lydia , Kitty, and Mary all quickly checked their lists.

"Well, I've checked off all the others." Lizzie said.

"Hmmm... let me check something." Darcy said as he pulled up the little envelope that held the answer to the game. He looked inside for a minute and smirked. He handed the envelope to Charles and he looked inside and smiled. "Who put the cards in the envelope?"

"I thought Mary did." said Kitty

"No, I told you that I couldn't I was finishing my homework." Mary replied.

"Well, I didn't." said Lydia

I shook my head. I had trusted the girls to have prepared the game.

Lizzie did not come in until after she had made everyone a drink, so she was out of suspicion.

"I think I have solved the mystery Watson," Darcy said in his best Sherlock voice, "nobody murdered anybody, with anything, in any room. We played with all the cards. Lizzie was right, she did have all the cards checked but mine. I knew something was awry."

And we all laughed. We played again and this time I made sure we did the cards right. Miss Scarlet in the library with the lead pipe. I still like to play Clue. Sometimes I play it with my grandchildren. I have always remembered to put three cards in the envelope, and every time I do, I am reminded of a wonderful evening.

Part 7

Posted on Thursday, 31 October 2002, at 8:46 p.m.

Do I love you do I?
Doesn't one and one make two?
Do I love you do I?
Does July need a sky of blue?
Would I miss you, would I, if you ever should go away?
If the sun should desert the day, what would life be?
Will I leave you, never?
Could the ocean leave the shore?
Will I worship you forever?
Isn't heaven forevermore?
Do I love you, do I?
Oh my dear it's so easy to see,
Don't you know I do, don't I show you I do?
Just as you love me.
****
The first time Charles and I were alone together was at a movie theater. The theaters back then were extravagant. The walls were gilded and the looked exotic, like a middle eastern palace. There were giant chandeliers that hung from the high mirrored ceiling. Somehow they reminded me of the Phantom of the Opera. It was a magical place, where so many silver screened faces lived and told tales and fables. Beauty, riches, good guys and bad guys, all larger than life, all in hues of silver, grey, black and white. The stories that only came to you in the dark, with the click, click, click, of the projector running in the back.

The first movie my father ever took Lizzie and me to see was, "Little Women" starring Katherine Hepburn. We were so young then. 1934, before the war, I must have been five or six? Lizzie would have been four. Even at that age, she wanted to be Jo for weeks. Her independent spirit was nurtured by the soul of Miss Hepburn. And as for me, I cried so hard when Beth died. Perhaps I was too young.

After that I had more important things to cry about. The war had affected everyone in our little town. The theaters sold War bonds. All the boys we knew had gone to war and many of them did not make it back. Lizzie's best friend Charlotte Lucas became a nurse and went to the army base in Italy. Oddly enough so did one of our cousins who was a chaplain. He used to write Lizzie. Quite a lot actually. If he had not been a relative... Lizzie might have had to fend off a relentless pursuit.

Anyway, Lizzie really wanted to be a nurse, but Mom and Dad absolutely refused. They wanted us to finish school. And then consider our options carefully. My decision was to be a sales clerk at a jewelry store. Lizzie... she wanted to fly.

As I was saying before I began that little ramble, Charles took me to the Taj Mahal movie theater. I felt so nervous. It was my first time alone with any guy. I kept waiting for something terrible to happen and it be all my fault. I suppose in retrospect, I was simply afraid of a new situation, and I should have realized that. But I couldn't seem to reason myself out of a queasy stomach.

The movie we saw was "Notorious" with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman. What an on screen kiss! It must have lasted a full three minutes. Charles looked at me out of the corner of his eye during that scene. I knew I was blushing to the roots of my hair, but what could I do?

He stretched his arms and the next thing I knew, his arm was around my shoulder. I really wished Lizzie had been there to tell me what to do. Should I lean on him? Should I pull away? The whole thing was too much pressure. I stayed frozen for a moment or two not knowing how to react before I got up and ran to the powder room.

If I had known how this action would snowball, I think I would have snuggled up and never let go. But I really didn't know how to deal with all of the attention, and my stomach was dealing with it very negatively. Accidentally, you see, I sent poor Charles the wrong signal. He went home and told Darcy, and from that moment on, Darcy began working on plan B. I guess the best way to say it is, Darcy began trying to pull Charles away from me.

I was too humiliated to tell Lizzie what I did. And Charles slowly began to not show up quite so frequently. While faithful George began taking his place at the table. It was all pretty terrible for a few weeks. But then Lizzie had a plan....

Lizzie had done every spare job she could get her hands on for the last few months. She had cooked, cleaned, mowed, sewed, slaved, and baby sat a family of 9. ( They had a set of 3 month old triplets, so she got overtime.) Anyway, she had finally hit the $1,000 mark. And she marched her little self right up to my Bingley and said, " I have the money, and now you have to take me seriously. I want my pilot's license."

" I have no problem with you becoming a pilot. I really don't. Don't look at me that way."

"Well what's the hold up then?" She truly doubted his honesty and he could tell.

"Darcy is my instructor."

That was all he had to say. She threw her hands in the air. " So essentially, I have a snowball's chance in Arizona of ever getting a pilot's license from you?"

Bingley shrugged his shoulders and nodded. "Yep."

Did I ever mention that taking no for an answer was NOT one of Lizzie's many virtues?

With her most determined walk, she marched up to the dark haired man who was nearly a foot taller than her and looked him squarely in the face. She took her finger and pointed it at his chest and said, " Look, King Kong, I have the money for Pilot's lessons and a license, the only thing that is standing in my way is YOU! I have worked my fingers to the bone for this, and if you don't teach me, I will get my uncle Gardiner, who is an incredible lawyer, to come down here and sue you for the shirt off your back."

It was all he could do to keep a straight face. He took the money from her fist and said, "Would you be angry if I took you up in one first?"

"No, I would like it, very much, thank you." she said softly. She had begun to feel quite silly about her little outburst.

"Not a problem. In fact it's a pleasure." he said as he took her hand and helped her into the cockpit.

"Here is a helmet and goggles. You have to wear these." he said.

"Don't you have a modern plane? Something at least made in this decade. I feel like a bug these goggles." she said as she looked at him through the glasses.

" One that buzzes around and annoys people." he muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. But hang on. This is an old plane and I plan to do a few tricks while we're up there."

He took some gum and put it in his mouth and then offered her some too. "Might help you with the altitude.." he said.

"I'm fine."

I suppose I must explain why Lizzie believed Darcy would put up a fuss. Faithful George had filled our heads with stories about the younger Fitzwilliam Darcy and how he was a arrogant promise breaker. Lizzie was sure that our Darcy was a spoiled brat, and a horrible man. So was I for that matter. I really hate to think badly of someone... but they both couldn't be good could they?

I think Darcy tried to scare her. He even flew upside-down and loop the loop. Later he would say that he got sick and she was beaming. Lizzie came home that day with a look in her eyes that couldn't be explained. She didn't stop talking about it for days. All that was going on in that mind of hers were daydreams of the Wild Blue Yonder.

All I knew was... I wished she felt that way about a person instead of a machine.

Part Eight

Posted on Friday, 3 January 2003, at 5:54 p.m.

I think the saddest day of my young life was when I received a letter from Caroline. In it she said, that Charles was going to an air base in Florida to get some training on a new type of plane. She didn't know when he would come back. She didn't even know if he was coming back. She also mentioned an old flame he was planning to visit.

I was crushed. Why would he leave me? He must have not have really loved me. All that we both felt.. It must have been a sham. I cried into my pillow that night and all through the week. I must have looked a mess. Everyone was so sweet to me that I felt guilty and tried to put up a front. Underneath it all my heart felt shattered into a million pieces. Why should it hurt so much? It wasn't even that important in the scheme of life. Was it? Maybe I was just overreacting like Mama.

A few weeks later there was a visit from our cousins. And by Coincidence, fate, and other names for the Grace of God, They needed a Babysitter for their vacation to Florida. It just dropped in my lap. Without even a moment of hesitation, I agreed to sign on for the job.

I hoped Lizzie would come with me, but if she did she would have missed Charlotte's wedding. She was a bridesmaid so she couldn't come with me. The scariest thing was that Darcy was flying her there. Charlotte had moved next door to Darcy's aunt. She now lived in a parish in Park Ave. Lizzie and I got a few giggles out of that idea.

I must have packed and unpacked my bag 15 times. I imagined what I would say when I saw him again. I imagined it down to what pantyhose I would wear. I would be Ingrid Bergman in Spellbound. I would be calm cool and unaffected. I had to show him that he couldn't break me. (Although the very fact that I was seeing him disproved that!)

Why oh why, wasn't I sensible? Why didn't I pack some of my less expensive and more casual clothes? A twelve-hour station wagon ride with four and a half kids - My aunt was pregnant- was definitely not a time to wear cocktail attire. How foolish we are when it comes to appearance. But I felt sure that when Charles saw me, he wouldn't let me go again. And if I had a chance, I was not going to let him go either.

I loved the house we stayed at. It was right off the beach. This was before Disney World and all the big tourist shops. It was more sunshine, sand, ocean and chaotic kids running and screaming in and out of the water. Florida was beautiful then. I still have a sea shell that I found in the ocean. All pink and silver on the inside. The exterior was the opposite rough and grey.

Caroline Bingley was beautiful on the outside, and cold hard and grey on the inside, Not that I was aware of that then. When I took time to go and visit her she said that Charles was too busy to see me. She was going out and couldn't possibly visit with me. I had planned that I would tell Charles off. I didn't even get a chance to try. I left my calling card on the table in the dining room. I turned the edge up... which meant I was sorry for the death in his family. Maybe he would realize that I missed him. Or at least sense something was wrong.

I heard nothing from him at all.

A few days later I parked across the street from the boarding house. I watched Charles and Caroline leave the boarding house. I hate to say it but I followed him around all day. I waited for the right moment to walk up to him and reveal that I loved him. I really did. When I saw him, I was sure I loved him.

As I stepped from the car, I took my eyes from him. When I looked back to his face, he was kissing a shapely brunette on the cheek. The official old flame! My heart stopped. I realized that he didn't love me. Somehow it hadn't donned on me that he didn't love me. I don't know why. But now I was sure.. He was not ever MY Charles.

As I think back... He never really was like a steady boyfriend. He never kissed me nor did he ever give me gifts or any love letters. Now I feel even more incensed because I couldn't even return his letter with a polite lie of my own stating that I was engaged to a billionaire... Maybe a Rocka-built.

I came home and cried - again. I think I spent more time crying than I did swimming that trip. But, I was rescued from my depression by a letter from Lizzie. She said that Darcy's aunt was a dingbat and she understood him better by meeting her, but the most interesting part of the story was this,... DARCY ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM!

Of course she said no, not only did she say no, but she told him it was because of the way he treated Wickham. And then there was the comment that she had more to say when I got home. I felt sure that more than another shoe was about to drop. I just had no clue when or where.

Part 9

Posted on Sunday, 19 January 2003, at 5:26 p.m.

"Rumors are Flying
and I'm not denying
That people are sure that I'm Falling in love.
Cause for a change, Darling
All the Rumors are true."

- The Andrews sisters.

I had one day left on my trip to Florida. I was all packed and in my mind I was already home. But as numb as I felt inside, I knew I had to let it all go. I sat on the beach, curled up on a towel watching the sunset. The orange and purple against the blue-green waves. I let it go.. All of it, Caroline, Charles, the dark haired girl and my broken heart. I said to myself, When the sun goes down, it will be as if it all never happened. I will love again. I will survive and thrive.

I was never so happy to be home as the day we arrived. My own journey had ended in a sad self awareness. I had hoped that Lizzie's was more joy than sorrow. But I my hopes were not accurate

When I had settled in, and delivered all the gifts I had bought for everyone, Lizzie and I plopped down on our twin beds and talked. She let me read a letter, written in the steady and cautious handwriting of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. I realized that Mr. Darcy was a man of fortune and misfortunes. I was deeply saddened for him.

"Surely, he wouldn't tell such a fib... I mean it concerns his sisters- well, you know... And yet Wickham seems like such a nice guy. Can't they both be right?" I said softly.

"No, it seems that one is good, and the other just seems good." she replied, "But, you aren't mad at me for believing Wickham are you? Do you think I am to blame?"

"No, We all were taken in." I said, "And Mr. Darcy proposed?"

She smiled a sad smile, "Yes, He did." she chuckled. "Against his will..."

"You didn't laugh when it happened did you?"

No, at first I was very angry at him. He said my family was inferior and that I was a tomboy, someone his Aunt would never approve of, Instead of giving me reasons he should love me, he gave me the reasons he shouldn't. It was horrible. I wanted to cry, and I never want to cry."

My heart bled for my sister. I knew how she felt. Men can be unfeeling, and their words (or lack of words) can cut you to the quick.

"And when I reacted, I felt worse. I broke his heart. I knew, I had broken his heart. I told him it was unintentional and I hoped it would heal quickly. Then he sent me a letter. When I read it... It was like looking in the mirror for the first time. I saw what a jerk I really was."

"You aren't a jerk. If he were less stand-off ish and more of a gent, we would have trusted him."

" Jane, I am a fool."

"We all are."

She laughed and said, "True, But my one question is, should we tell everyone what Wickham is really like?"

The thought had not occurred to me that we had been entrusted with such power. "What if Wickham is trying to make a new start and we ruin it for him?"

"You are too nice! You always have been. But, I don't think he would harm anyone we know, do you?"

I shook my head.

It wasn't until much later that Lizzie told me how that first proposal happened. It took her a few months to feel free enough to talk about it. And after that, she would, in small spouts, tell me things that happened.

It seems Darcy spent more time with her than with his Aunt. The Park Avenue set seemed to have a lot of dinner parties in honor of the new couple. And they both had to attend. He made sure he was always seated near her. Asking her questions nonstop, he wanted to know every little thing about her. She thought he was making fun of her. So she didn't take him seriously. He introduced her to his cousin. It was a kind of acid test I think.

Rich Fitzwilliam was the one who told her it was his cousins persuasion that caused Bingley to take his Florida trip. Lizzie almost fainted on him. She was so angry she didn't go to the last party before Charlotte's big day.

I have to switch ahead a bit... you see, Darcy told this part of the story much better than anyone else could. So I am going to insert sections from one of his letters.

"I don't think I have ever felt as out of control as I did that night. It was as if I had stepped outside myself and my passion began to control my will. I had found that she would not be at the dinner and I knew I had to see her. I had even picked out one of my mother's rings for her to wear. All day long I was doing crazy things like, changing my clothes and brushing my hair, I had even shaved twice. I wanted... I didn't really know what I wanted.

I don't remember how I got there. I think it was sheer will power. But I walked to her door and the servants let me in. I tried to get control of myself before I saw her. I stood at the door and took a few deep breaths. And yet I couldn't stop the joy that was pounding through my whole being. This is it! This is the one.... it pounded over and over.

She was sitting on the window seat, the moon was shining on her soft gleaming skin. She was wearing the gown that she would wear at the wedding. Shimmery, soft blue, off the shoulder with a skirt that puddled to the floor. She was my ice queen. It took my breath away. I think I inquired about her health. I noticed her eyes were not as bright and full of amusement as they usually were.

Like a fool I began babbling. "I have fought it as much as I can Lizzie. I can't do it anymore. I will never stop loving you. To be in love with you, it is against my will and my own better judgment. I want to marry you, even if it will be a terrible match."

I will never forget her face... calm, cool, and defiant.

" I think that the usual way of handling this sort of situation is to say, yes. And ease the suitors burden."

My heart lifted and I handed her my mother's ring.

She pushed my hand away and said, "But I can't."

I felt sick.

"How can you ask me to say yes to a proposal like that? Marrying you will make my life miserable but I will do it anyway, because I will be more miserable without you? Oh, Jimminy Christmas! That sweeps me off my feet." she said sarcastically

"Well, what did you want me to say? How glad I am that your family's connections are so inferior to mine. Or that you are such a Tomboy that my aunt would never approve. You don't seem to understand... I could marry a wealthy socialite tomorrow if I wanted to. There are women who would hang off my every word. But I don't... I want you." Why oh why did I say that? Why didn't I give up the fight and go home?

"Well, I don't want you. How do expect me to feel. If you had only been kinder to the people around you. You told Bingley that my sister didn't love him. And I didn't even like you before that.... I didn't like you when I heard about the way you treated Wickham. The poor man lives hand to mouth because of you..."

"The poor man??? and you think I am too blame? I must be, what was it you called me? King Kong. I not trouble you anymore."

I slammed the door with all of my might. Her stinging words rang in my head. My only thought was- At least in the case of Wickham... I can defend myself."

Yes, Only Darcy can tell it well. Lizzie was sure that was the end of him... That is until she visited Long Island... His house was in West Egg.

But, as usual, I am getting ahead of myself.

Part 10

Posted on Tuesday, 4 March 2003

And two young lips were gently kissed
And two young hearts learned to fly....
A shepherd boy awoke from a doze
And blew his horn,
The sun came up and smiled on a rose,
And love was born.

-Jerome Kern

I was such a good girl. I only thought about Charles every time I took a breath. Only every time my heart beat. I wasn't crying anymore at all. The thing that hurt the most was knowing that he wasn't hurting. He had probably forgotten my name. And then...

It was one of those days; the ones where you know you should have stayed in bed. My mother father and Lydia had been having a deep and loud discussion of whether or not Lydia could go camping with a group of girls to Brighton Park Cove. It was not time for peace of mind.

Wickham had left to meet some girl "Miss King..." Lydia said she was a little freckly thing. Lizzie breathed a sigh of relief. She felt like the danger had left us in the sunset. And at least in Lizzie's case things returned to normal.

I was sent to the store to fetch some butter and other little trifles. I passed the post office, the place where we, that is Charles and I, met. The contrast between the joys I felt then, and the sadness I feel now was such an enigma. Would I have been happier if we had never met?

I moped my way back to my home, dragging my feet. I felt like a prisoner returning to her cell. When I entered through the door, everyone seemed to be waiting for me. There was a package sitting on the entrance table, a box of flowers. I looked at the card, it was for me. Flowers sent just for me.

Of course everyone made a big deal out of it. My Mother got on the phone and called my Aunt. She bragged and made it sound so much bigger than what it was. The odd thing was, they were very expensive orchids. The kind you would find in a tropical environment. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought they were from Bingley. But if they were from him, why didn't he sign it? Why all the secrets?

I felt reassured that at least someone, somewhere, was thinking of me. Whoever they were, they seemed to know when I needed a pick-me-up most. I wish I could have told them thank you.

Lydia of course, got her way again. She always does. So we packed her off while Kitty sobbed saying "Lydia gets to do everything ... and I am older."

Lizzie had a deep foreboding about this trip. She really didn't want Lydia to go. Everyone knows that where Lydia goes, trouble follows. The child was born make mischief. My fathers' argument was that it was a Campfire girl's summer jamboree and that She would only with girls her age or younger. He honestly couldn't see how he could tell her no, simply based on one of Lizzie's hunches.

However, Lizzie's hunch was right on the nose...

Lizzie was invited to go up north for a few weeks. The Gardiners were quite intent that either Lizzie or I would accompany them. I really didn't want to go. I wasn't at all interested in the lifestyles of the upper crust. But Lizzie had met some of the Long Island set at Charlotte's wedding and was rather looking forward seeing some of them again. She had hoped to even get an early start and stop by Charlotte's house. She was so looking forward to seeing her newly wedded friend.

The house seemed quite different with both Lydia and Lizzie gone. Kitty and I seemed to find solace in each other. Both of us had confided in our sisters. And with them both gone, we seemed to need each other.

One night, we stayed up late, and talked the whole night. I told her everything about what had happened to me in Florida. She asked me if I knew who had sent me the flowers and I told her I didn't think it was Charles. She believed it was.

She began telling me about Lydia's jealousy concerning Lizzie and myself. Until then I had never realized how confused and misunderstood, Lydia was. There was one thing she said that stuck in my head. I didn't understand why...

"Lydia especially used to get mad when Wickham would flirt with Lizzie." She said flatly.

Now I must tell you that Lizzie and Darcy should tell the next few parts of the story. I only have bits and pieces of what happened. So I will try to tell you the best I can.

There are many beautiful houses in West Egg, Long Island. The most infamous was the Gatsby Estate just on the edge of the lake. Lizzie remembered the story of Jay Gatsby and the tragedy of his death. She knew if she could she would try to at least catch a peek and maybe a photo of the house and grounds.

What she didn't know was Fitzwilliam Darcy now owned the Estate.

They now gave tours of the Gatsby house. The housekeeper would tell about all the famous writers and celebrities that visited the house. Then they tell of Daisy Buchanan and the mysterious death of Gatsby.

Lizzie was incredibly interested mainly in the photos of the parties. In the middle of an eclectic crew was her hero, Amelia Earhart. She found her in many of the photos, but the one that intrigued her most was one where a well-dressed gent had his arm around her.

Then she wandered into the next hall with all the other gawking tourists. She was shocked when she found herself being stared at by a life-sized portrait of Darcy himself. "Even now his eyes follow my every move..." she mumbled.

Somehow now however, her feelings had changed toward him. She had always assumed it was anger and then guilt that had motivated her churning stomach and sweaty palms every time she laid eyes on him. But somehow, she now realized there was something else there ... She missed seeing Darcy.

While she was experiencing her epiphany, the tour had up and left her alone in the library. She wandered up and down the shelves half heartedly reading the titles of the books. Again she turned and faced the portrait.

"It is all your fault, I hope you know. I made a mess of things, I know that. I assume part of the blame. But if you hadn't- I wouldn't have. We could have been friends, maybe more than friends. Now, I have to walk around knowing you think badly of me. - I find to my amazement that- I care, and I miss you. Not the flying lessons- but you. "

She heard footsteps behind her. It must have been the guide. She turned and faced the living version of the portrait. If he had heard what she had said he did not acknowledge it. She found herself holding her breath waiting for his reaction. Time stood still. What could she say?

"Miss Bennet! How is your family?" He said sheepishly.

"Fine, thanks." She felt a blush creep up her cheeks.

"So, do you like the house?" His voice seemed to be stronger.

"Yes, it is amazing. I have always been fascinated by the Gatsby story." She found her footing and began looking him in the eye.

"When I bought it, it was in terrible disrepair. Everyone told me to tear it down. But- there was something about it. It seemed to draw me to it. As if, Mr. Gatsby himself wanted me to have it. My parents knew him and I met him once when I was little, here actually. I liked him immediately. The way he died was so sad." he said.

She was surprised at his vulnerability. Somehow he had gone from a stick in the mud, to a romantic dreamer. She realized how much she had misjudged him.

He again broke the silence by saying, "did you see Amelia Earhart's pictures?"

"Yes! Do you know who is the man in the picture?"

"My Father's business partner. My dad sponsored one of her flights."

"Really?"

"Yep."

A slow smile of satisfaction spread across his lips. He had finally impressed Elizabeth Bonnet. Now all he had to do was keep it that way.

Part 11

Posted on : Sunday, 14 September 2003

This is when the story gets a little dark. It seems all innocence up to this point. It was simply beaus and heartbreak and the inevitable path of growing up. But there was a shadow looming over our lives that none of us were aware of. Its darkness grew until it was all we could see on the horizon.

I drove with my Father and Kitty to pick up Lydia at Campfire girls. We pulled up to the main cabin and waited for her to come to the car . She did not come but we weren't really alarmed. Lydia never was aware of time. She was always late to everything. So as all of the girls were picked up or loading up on the bus we were not surprised that we didn't see her smiling face among them. Kitty and I decided to go ask were she was so we would not have to wait in the heat.

Kitty had been acting strangely all afternoon. She was touchy and fretful. We weren't going to let her come at all but she begged us until we finally agreed.

When I asked one of her councilors were she was they told me that she had gone home earlier in the week. I asked how this was possible considering we were her family and she was not with us ... Well you can imagine the chaos.

Kitty remained gravely silent. And I knew something was severely wrong. When I look back on the situation now, I realize that Kitty knew what was coming. Lydia must have mentioned something to her. But Kitty must have thought that Lydia was not really going through with it or she would have stayed home with Mom.

It took a few hours of complete and utter terror before we found out that Lydia was kidnapped.- Willingly kidnapped. She thought she was getting married. She thought she was marrying Wickham. Visions of the Lindbergh baby case ran through my head. I saw her lying on some deserted road, hurt or even possibly dead. My throat went dry and I found it hard to find my voice. I kept thinking and hoping I was dreaming. I would wake up and find that everyone was safe and home. No innocence lost. No hopes crushed. No broken trust. I kept whispering "1,2,3, wake up!" but I never did.

My Father's mood was beyond dark, he was angry, hurt, afraid, and deeply sad. Kitty began crying. By the time the police arrived she couldn't control herself. There were a lot of girls who testified and it turned out that our all American Wickham had a police record already. I was not surprised.

It seems my theory on Wickham turning a new leaf was erroneous. He was a diabolical fiend. Why didn't we warn the family? Stupid, stupid move Jane! The 'be prepared" sign on the wall mocked me. A thousand times I played the conversation Lizzie and I had about Darcy's letter over in my head. Should we alert the family? Oh, yes, a million times, yes!

I remember in particular sitting on one of the bunks at the camp with my knees pulled to my chest, Looking up at the clear night sky, wishing that Lizzie were here to comfort us.

She was with Darcy in his own private plane. They were looking at Islands along the Atlantic coast. Darcy was always a gadget and gizmo devotee so he always had whatever was the newest mechanism to have. It would make him millions and also cause him to lose money on a few occasions.

Lizzie was beyond enthralled. She had just realized was the man of her dreams and he was a rich sugar daddy with his own plane. Could her life get any better? Would her feet ever touch the ground again or would she be the first successful icarus and touch the sun?

She looked at Darcy and said, "Jimminy Christmas! You know what you are?"

He looked at her with a bewildered smile. "King Kong?"

" Nope! A 100 per cent, bona fide, genuine, 24 karat, gilded prince charming!" she said laughing.

He was speechless. He even felt a bit dizzy. He had her now. All he had to do was lean in close and...
The radio interrupted his thoughts. Bad news. A storm was sighted and he had to get back as soon as possible. He replayed her words in his head over and over. Bona fine, genuine, 24 karat, gilded prince charming , she was in love with him. He sighed. "As soon as we hit the ground I am going to kiss you, just a warning."

" A warning or a promise?" she said with a challenging look.

Lizzie came in the Gardiners' house draped around Darcy's neck. Her eyes were bright as a perfect diamond. Nothing could spoil this day, absolutely nothing.- Except maybe a telegram from me about Lydia. She read it aloud to Darcy but she wasn't prepared for his reaction. His countenance was suddenly darkened. He was shaking with hatred. "I have to go. I can't stay." Was all he said. Over and over he repeated it.

She was afraid to ask if she would see him again. She knew the answer was "no" anyway. She knew love was never enough for a man with a reputation to keep. George, "Kiss the girls and make them cry" Wickham had struck his final and fatal blow to Darcy, and he wasn't even aware that he had.

She watched him leave the room, the door opened and the rain and wind came blowing in. He did not turn around and look her in the eye. He did not kiss her good-bye. All the sweet things that were said in the day dissolved when he walked out in the rain. She knew this was how she would remember him. He left while the while the wind howled and the storm raged.

Conclusion

Posted on Tuesday, 14 October 2003

I don't want to walk without you, Baby
Walk without my arm about you, Baby
I thought the day you left me behind
I'd take a stroll and get you right off my mind
But now I find that
I don't want to walk without the sunshine
Why'd you have to turn off all that sunshine?
Oh, Baby, please come back or you'll break my heart for me
'Cause I don't want to walk without you
No, siree
- Harry James

The house was in shambles when Lizzie came home. My father had not left his laboratory for days. The only sign that he was still breathing was the picked over food tray that he would set out for me to clean. I made trays for both my Father and Mother. Neither of them had come down for dinner in nearly a week. Kitty and I began to have meals in front of the radio.

There was no chance that Lydia's misfortune was kept under wraps. It was even on the news bulletin. Neighbors from miles around brought us food. Sometimes my mother would take visitors but not often. I had to talk to them and accept their sometimes-fake sympathy. I honestly wished that Lydia would be found soon for selfish reasons. I wished that she would come back so that I would not have to do so much housework. Isn't that terrible?

Lizzie was not in a good mood when she came back with my Aunt. I didn't expect her to be happy, but I did not expect her to be so moody. It took her a while to open up to me and tell me about it.

"I knew you were in love with him." I said softly.

"How?" she said in a shocked tone.

"When have you ever worried about a guy as much as you have him? Most of the guys we've known you didn't care a fig whether or not you hurt them."

She smiled between her sadness. " I guess it was obvious, and it was that darn letter that made me realize it. Why are things so ... frustratingly hard! I could ring Lydia's neck!"

"Don't ask me. I still love a man who ditched me for Florida's sunny beaches!"

"We are a sorry pair aren't we? I can just see it now, spinster sisters living in a little farm house out somewhere in the country. You making jams and home-baked bread, and I am repairing a tractor."

I laughed but there was some truth to it. I don't think that she would ever love anyone as much as she has Darcy. I had decided a long time ago that I would fall in love again. But my heart did not agree with my head. It was a matter of will, though, I knew that if I held out long enough I would get over it, mind over matter. Right?

Meanwhile, Darcy was sitting alone in his room tapping codes into a black box. Nothing, He had nothing so far, no answer. He would send his message into the wee hours of the morning. Every now and then his sister would come in and check on him. She would shake her head in wonder at him. Sitting their drinking cold coffee, his hair falling in his sleepy eyes. He didn't sleep for 3 days.

He had tried to contact anyone on his radio first with code and then with voice. He had received some information on the whereabouts from the wife of a preacher. It seems they had stopped by when their car had trouble. Wickham had told her that Lydia was his niece. She did not see any indication that they were married. Darcy's heart sank. But he realized that he might know where Wickham was headed. Now all he had to do is charter one of Bingley's planes. He could be there in an hour maybe less. One sudden realization stopped him short though ... He needed a co-pilot.

It was always a big deal when we received a long distance call. It was an even bigger deal when Lydia was missing. It was Darcy calling Lizzie. He needed her help. She was the only one he trusted to help him fly. My father actually came out of his room to see Lizzie off. We all did actually. My mother was terrified. My father wanted to go with them. But only Lizzie and Darcy took off together. They sailed off into the wild blue. I couldn't help but feel that everything would turn out terribly. I just hoped that Darcy wouldn't shoot George. Darcy didn't need to go to jail; George needed to go to jail.

We didn't hear from them for days. You could cut the suspense with a knife. I kept wishing that I had at least one shoulder to lean on. My wildest dream was someone just like Charles to lean on.

Then we heard a bulletin on the radio. They were found, and Lydia was on her way home. The phone rang and Lizzie was ecstatic. "They say that George is looking at ten to twelve years in the big house." She said without remorse.

Part 13 You'll never know how many dreams
I've dreamed about you
Or just how empty they all seemed without you
So kiss me once, then kiss me twice
Then kiss me once again
It's been a long, long time.
- Harry James

I still have my doubts about Lydia and George. Lydia married a soda jerk the next year, but she did not stay with him for more than a few years. George got out on good behavior and they later married and moved to Hawaii. George made a fortune from real estate.

Depression shadowed us through the holidays. There is nothing worse than a house full of mourning women. Sometimes Lizzie and I would drive out by the airstrip in hopes of seeing some sign of life. We never did.

But my mother had decided that Thanksgiving dinner was going to be the best and most delicious meal we had ever had. I helped with a disheartened attitude, well, that is until I started baking pies. It is hard to have a bad attitude around fresh baked goods.

As the smell began wafting through the house, it was like a curse was lifted. Everyone began crowding around the kitchen. All of a sudden we were laughing again. It was like we began again, and everything was different but parallel.

At this point in my life there was still a small flicker of hope for Charles in my heart. I had never closed the door; it was still cracked a bit. So when he and Darcy pulled up in a shiny red Oldsmobile I worried I was hallucinating. Lizzie's eyes were sparkling and she was beaming. She pulled me into the kitchen for a moment.

"Jane, you know when you told me about Bingley and that curvy brunette?"

"Yes..." confusion filled my heart. My first thought was that Charles was getting married, but then I thought, why would he come here?

"I met her with Darcy. That was Georgiana, Darcy's sister. Bingley has been kissing her on the cheek since she was five." Lizzie beamed. " There was absolutely nothing to worry about there. She is in love with another flyboy. Your Bingley has been mooning around Florida for months because his idiot sister was on trial for avoiding paying her speeding tickets. He didn't write because he didn't think you wanted him to. Honestly, Darcy told him you didn't want him too."

"So he loves me?"

"With all of his cotton picking, sun-burned, being." She giggled "Now that he has shown up, the word proposal keeps popping up in my head ... diamonds, orange blossoms, and the whole nine yards. "

I really was trying to remain calm. I calmly walked into the living room. I calmly forgot that I was covered in flour and was wearing my "kiss the cook" apron. I calmly said "hello" to our guest, while my mother was franticly motioning about my looks. Lizzie and Mary had to drag her out of the room.

"Jane!" Bingley said in an affectionate tone, "I feel stupid saying this, but I missed you so much it hurt."

What girl couldn't resist that opening line?

"I - don't- umm- I missed you too." I stammered.

He was close enough to reach and hold me. I pulled closer and laid my head on his shoulder. I was surprised at how comfortable I felt with him. It was as if he had been holding me all his life.

"I like your apron, and I plan to take what it says seriously." He said.

"What are you talking about?" I said, as I looked him in the eye.

"This!" he said as he kissed me.

Memories like that are the ones that you wish you could put in a bottle and keep forever. They get sweeter as time goes by.

In the meantime, Lizzie slid in the seat next to Darcy in the Oldsmobile.

"So, it seems you have done your good deed for the day." She smiled.

" Nope, this is just penance from my bad deeds." He said seriously.

She leaned in and kissed his cheek, "it sure is winning my affection."

" I need to come clean about something and then I want to ask you a question. When I was using my ham radio to find Lydia, I was talking to your Dad as well. I have been talking to him since then. He's a great guy. I asked him for your hand in marriage earlier but I need to know, Lizzie, would you reconsider marrying me- in spite of my King Kong behavior? "

"Nope, not in spite of ... but I will because of ... I don't think I would love you as much if I didn't see the repentant side as well as the wrong side. You really are an honorable man. You just have to have honor in the right cause." she said with a giggle.

"You amaze me, Elizabeth Bennet." He said as he touched her lips. " I don't think there is anyone in the world quite like you."

We all have our ups and downs, but for the most part, we all lived happily ever after. In this day and age, that is the best kind of life story you can tell. Charles and I have been married for 56 years and we still are! We have 4 lovely children and 17 grandchildren. When the good out weighs the bad, you're pretty darn lucky! Sometimes I think we are the luckiest people on the earth.

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me
Fill my heart with song
Let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

- Frankie Sinatra

The End

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