I Felt it was Glory

By Sania

Section I, Next Section

I

Posted on Saturday, 15 July 2000, at 1 : 52 a.m.

The church was empty and silence loomed through the air, hanging thick like cobwebs in an old mansion. Small clicks of a heel were heard tapping along the marble floor as a young girl hurried towards the alter, her hand held to her face. She kneeled before it and lit a small candle, and rather than wait for priest, she made her confession to the silence itself, praying to God for absolution.

"Bless me My Heavenly Father for I have sinned, I have tried to kill a man. My husband George...he beats me," she sighed as she gingerly touched her swelling face hoping that her jaw wasn't broken, "and today I swung at him with a bat. I swear that I didn't mean to hurt him. But when I did hit him and I thought that he was dead...Father I felt relief flow through me at the thought that I was free. I wanted him dead...but he isn't dead and now I have to leave" she said the words tumbling out, "...for I cannot trust myself to simply take the beating the next time he touches me." She said almost in a whisper.

She heard someone clear his throat at her back she turned quickly half fearing the sound of George's growl at the doorway. Yet, the voice was heard from one of the pews. The man had seen this young girl come and go sometimes for confession sometimes just to light a candle and seek solace in the old church. He had taken to spending his evenings here, for it provided him with a peace that quieted his turbulent thoughts.

The girl ran to the door, yet something, that indefinable something that changes our lives, let's call it fate, made her stop. She turned cautiously, "Is someone there?" she managed to croak out.

"Yes, I'm a fellow parishioner...and I couldn't help but hear your confession. Is there anything that I could do?"

"that was not meant for anyone but God," she said quietly. Her eyes flew up in panic, "Oh, you won't tell anyone will you...especially if a man comes looking for me, you won't tell him you saw me here will you?" Her tone at once both frightened and pleading, as if she were begging for her life, and in many ways she was.

"Of course I won't but first we need to take a look at you jaw."

"How did you know?" she said still speaking to the darkness.

"Well your right hand has been holding something to it ever since you came in. And I heard the sloshing of water, so I assumed it was a bag of ice."

"that was very perceptive of you. But I can't go to a hospital...you see that's the first place he would look for me."

"we don't need to my sister's fiance, Rick...he's a doctor...we could go there." Said he as he rose and came towards her.

Instinctively she backed into the corner, almost shivering like a frightened animal. He realized his folly and returned to his seat. "come and sit down," he said softly.

She cautiously took a seat in one of the pews, still to far to make out his face...but something about his voice was kind...and familiar.

"Where are you headed?"

"Somewhere, anywhere, just someplace he would never think to look for me...maybe Bermuda." She said with a small laugh. "My husband managed to completely deplete my bank account, but I still have enough of my trust fund to get me through. What are you doing here so late at night?" she asked.

"Well, my wife died two years ago and after I tuck my daughter in for the night, the house is so quiet I can't bear it. So I leave her with the nanny and come here." He said with an intense weariness in his voice.

Lizzy felt a pang for the poor man bereaved so early in life. "I'm so sorry... how old is your daughter?"

"she's almost 3."

"Do you live around here?" for some reason it was pretty easy for her to speak with this relative stranger.

"No, I live about 45 minutes away from the city...we used to though, when my wife and I first got married. I went to school right around the corner." He said wistfully.

"you went to Yale" she said her voice small.

"why Yes."

"Class of '94" she said almost knowingly.

"I thought it was you Lizzy, would have recognized those legs anywhere" came the somber response, but Lizzy could tell he was smiling.

"I would have recognized your voice any..." she stopped drawing in a breath, "Oh my God, please tell me that...that you were not speaking of Anne just now. Please tell me...that...Oh Dear God." She cried as tears flowed and a series of racked sobs ushered forth from the very depths of Lizzy's soul. "Oh Annie" she mumbled between tears. Will managed to come closer to her and stroke the bowed head till the sobs calmed and the tears subsided.

"I wondered why she hadn't written" she said still dazed by the news. "I always thought she just lost our new address, and when I called you had already moved." She said her head still bowed. "Oh Anne." She cried as her tears flowed once more, yet this time they came to a rather more abrupt end, "I'm so sorry Will" she said as she straightened herself and turned away from him, "I can't believe I'm burdening myself to you like this." She said.

"Don't worry, I don't mind people crying in front of me, it rather makes me feel comforted, as if I'm not alone in my grief, it makes me realize how many lives she touched." He said wistfully.

"So how are you holding up," she asked as she turned towards him.

Will's response died in his throat, at the sight of her. She was still as beautiful as the day he first saw her sitting on that bench. She seemed unchanged except for the dark circles that hung beneath her eyes and the swollen jaw that was now beginning to bruise.

"Oh Dear God Lizzy," he cried hoarsely as he reached out to touch her face.

She recoiled slightly but allowed him to inspect it gingerly, "I don't think it's broken, he's broken it before and this feels different." She said calmly.

Will was livid with rage, yet filled with pity and tenderness for the creature who sat before him. "Oh Lizzy this is my fault, if only...if only I had been firmer all those years ago...if only I had been more definate about his character... then maybe you..."

"I would still not have believed you." She said with a small smile, although it hurt to make the effort, "young girls in love can be rather stubborn." She said with a little giggle.

"So what are you going to do know?" he asked.

"I don't know, I honestly don't know." Lizzy shook her head. "I was thinking of getting a hotel room tonight and then flying out tomorrow."

"Lizzy...look I know this is rather sudden but...my nanny...I mean my daughter Janna's nanny...is getting married...and consequently leaving us...I was wondering if you might be willing to take on the role temporarily...until you get back on your feet and I get another nanny....you have a huge support staff of servants...it's mostly just caring for Janna and playing with her during the day."

"Does she look like Anne?" asked Lizzy wistfully.

"Actually Janna is adopted, Anne had ovarian cancer and had to have a hysterectomy...we adopted Janna after we thought we'd beat the cancer...Anne only had a few months with her before she was rediagnosed."
He said quietly.

"I'll do it." Said Lizzy resolutely

"It's room and board and a generous salary."

"I can't take your money Will."

"No Lizzy I insist."

"I don't need it, and I can't take money for taking care of Annie's daughter." She said as her eyes shone.

"Alright, we can discuss the details later, but let's go see Rick first."

"So Georgie is engaged?"

"You still remember my sister's name?" he asked incredelously

"I lived with Anne for four years Will, you were her favorite topic of conversation, there was a time when I could quote your favorite books alphabetically." She said her voice shaky as she spoke of Anne.

"Yes, Anne did love to talk."

"Especially about you, there were times when I felt as if I knew you better than you knew yourself." She said as a small smile worked at the corner of her mouth.

"You know somehow I don't doubt that." He said returning the glimmer of a grin. He opened the door for her as her small form slipped through the doorway.

They walked to his car in silence and as Lizzy got in Will noticed the bruises that covered her arms and the backs of her legs and he silently resolved to ensure that Anne's friend never suffered at that monster's hands again.

II ~ History Lessons

Posted on Sunday, 16 July 2000, at 10 : 45 a.m.

The silence that had enveloped them since entering the car had only deepened after they had seen Rick. In her presence he had been calm and collected, he was after all a professional, after assuring her that the jaw was not broken, merely bruised he had sent her to change. Yet, after he had left Rick had broken down overcome with guilt and remorse for allowing another woman to suffer at the hands of a men he knew to be a villain.

The true extent of the damage George had caused was yet to be evaluated, there were scars of cigarette burns and bruises, broken bones that hadn't fused. He had filled her arms with medicines and ointments and made her promise to come the next day and get x-rayed.

It was those medicines that she now clutched in her arms. Beside her Darcy was lost...deep in thought for anger overwhelmed him as Rick had explained all of her scars...he seethed, his knuckles had turned white against the steering wheel...as he only wished they had been 'round Wickham's neck.

Lizzy was lost in altogether different type of reverie...recollections of the brief yet emotion laden past she shared with the man who sat by her side.

History Lessons: Princeton, May 1995

"Lizzy, Lizzy wake up Lizzy-bean." Whispered a voice in her ear.

"Leave me alone Anne, I just finished my last final ever, which means I just finished University, I'm sleepy and I'm depressed, all I want to do is lay here."

"Elizabeth Scarlett Bennet, did you or did you not say this morning that you would take Will out tonight."

"But Anne that was this MORNING, does he have to go out, can't he just sleep in tonight until you come back on Monday?"

"Lizzy, he doesn't want to go out either, but he's tired and he needs some fun before we go back to Connecticut and start getting wedding stuff together."

"You make it sound like you want me to give him one last fling or something...Ok...if you insist." Smiled Lizzy coyly to which she received a pillow in the face.

"You know that's not what I mean, just show him a good time so he loosens up a bit, the MBA finals at Harvard make ours look like a joke you know, I bet he's twice as tired as you are."

"Yes that's real incentive to drag the poor guy out tonight, why do you have to leave anyway."

"Because it's a fantastic opportunity for me, once in a lifetime really...the birth of a killer whale in captivity doesn't happen everyday...and as a Marine Biology major this is like the Oscars and Christmas rolled into one." She said getting the breathless voice and faraway look she'd get whenever she spoke of something truly important to her.

That was the look that Lizzy could never refuse, for despite their bickering they were as close as two friends could be. Their polar personalities had drawn them together from the first day they had met, and in a few months when Anne married Will, it would be Lizzy who would stand at their side as Anne's maid of honor.

"Oh alright." She said as she swung her legs off the bed and leaped down from the top bunk, something that always made Anne cringe for her safety. "But you have to help me find something to wear before you leave."

"I know exactly the thing," cried Anne as she went to her closet and drew out a pair of jeans and a white halter top.

"Anne! That is so risque, I'm not going to wear that...that's frat party wear" said Lizzy with a shocked expression.

"Oh come on I thought you two were going to hit the frat scene."

"Are you sure about that, Will is pretty good looking, the girls are going to be falling over him tonight."

"It's your job to act as deflection, but I'm not worried Will never even looks at other girls." Said Anne with a grin.

"Ok, now you have to get out of here or you'll miss your flight." Said Lizzy with a maternal air.

"Oh alright, I'll miss you sweety, and I'll see you in two weeks right..."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world...to plan a grand wedding! Plus I need to pick out an appropriate bride's maid dress right." Sighed Lizzy as she clasped her hands together.

"'Til then cherie," said Anne as she kissed Lizzy's cheek.

"Love ya Annie," cried Lizzy to Anne as she walked into the hall. Anne waved back at her and blew her a kiss.

Lizzy looked upon her nearly empty room as a small tear glistened at the corner of her eye. College was over and every one was moving on so to speak...

After pulling on her clothes and slipping on some boots she'd bought in Texas she pulled her hair into a loose chignon. Yet, hair care had never been easy for Lizzy; in fact dozens of tendrils had escaped and were now laying on her neck and falling about her face. Frustrated she abandoned the effort applied her make up. As she took up the endeavor once more holding her hair with one hand, a knock came at the door. "GREAT!" she cried as she opened the door.

And there he was...sure Lizzy had seen pictures before but none that had done him justice. They didn't capture his bottomless eyes, his tousled curls, his sexy grin and lean, well tanned body.

For Will the moment was perfectly heart stopping it was the girl He'd seen her sitting on a park bench some months ago, merely observing the happy children, the light in her eyes had captivated him and now here she was...

Lizzy released the bundle of curls that she held with her hand in order to shake his. Consequently they cascaded down in a disordered wave down to her waist. "Will...it's a pleasure to finally meet you...Annie didn't do you justice."

"The feeling is definitely mutual." He said with a shy smile.

"Are you ready?" she asked as the stepped into the hallway and then out into the night.

6 hours later...

"Oh that was awesome." Cried Will his head still favorably buzzy after the couple of beers he'd knocked back.

"Wasn't it." Said Lizzy as she unlocked the door to her room, although it had taken several tries, the stupid keyhole just kept moving. Lizzy was not a drinker by any stretch of imagination, tonight was actually the first in which she'd finished a beer. Now with two and a half of them cursing through her small frame she was a little tipsy and even more giddy.

They somehow managed to flop onto the small loveseat in the corner of the room. And after giggling for about 15 minutes on how ceiling fans always turned clockwise instead of counter-clockwise, Lizzy finally stood, "foffee, I mean coffee...we need coffee."

Minutes later she was back with two steaming cups, she handed one to Will and collapsed by his side. Yet she wasn't inebriated enough to not notice the proximity of his body. In turn Will's breathing had become shallow and labored as he felt her by his side and as wisps of her hair grazed his face.

"I...I think I should go..." muttered Will as he stood, trying to shake the feeling that was slowly sweeping over him.

"Ok, yeah maybe you should." Said Lizzy standing, then before either knew it, Will's mouth was upon her own. The feeling was exhilerating, it was liberating and beautiful all at the same time. As he kissed her she was aware that she was kissing him back, pulling him to the couch. It was magic and fireworks and all that they say in the romance novels and fairy tales. And more importantly it was unlike anything either had experienced before.

Yet, one cannot hold one's conscience at bay forever, Lizzy bolted up, "Oh my gosh...I can't...we can't...you're my best friend's fiance...I'm involved in a relationship...I..."

"You're right...I don't know what came over me." Said Will instantly repentant while he desperately fought the feeling to kiss her again.

"It wasn't just you Will" she mumbled, then her voice strengthening "it was the alcohol," she said with determination.

"Yes, that's exactly what it is, and probably just pre-wedding jitters."

"Exactly...that's it." She said.

"Yes, I love Anne" then why did it seem he had to convince himself of that fact

"And I love George then why did it seem she had to convince herself of that fact

"About George Lizzy..."

"You already told me everything...and I'm telling you he's changed."

"Lizzy..."

"Let's just agree to disagree about him." She said as she came to the door.

"Then we're agreed, this was just a drunken mistake." He said uneasy.

"Yes, definately." why did she get a pang when he called it a mistake?

"I want you to know Lizzy, that you're the first girl that...I've never even thought of being...you don't have to worry about Annie...I'd rather die than hurt her."

"I'm not Will, it was a mistake right." She said with a smile.

"Definately," yet, why did it hurt when she called it a mistake?

"Well then I'll see you in a few weeks," she said with her sparkling smile.

"Alright see you then." He said as he turned and walked down the hall shaking his head at what had almost been.

Overtime both had managed to convince themselves that the magic of that kiss had been based on the alcohol that the euphoria had been a fluke. Indeed, they both managed to tuck away the incident so well that the awkwardness at their second meeting dissolved quickly. Soon they were as excellent of friends as even Annie could have wished....yet, they had all lost touch...lost touch till now...Anne...

"Lizzy, Lizzy..." said Will as he touched her shoulder.

Lizzy came back to the present unaware that her face was drenched with tears. She looked up at him disconcerted.

"We're here," he said with a weariness in his voice.

"So this is Pemberley," she said of the imposing mansion that sat perched between the trees.

He was amused to see that she wasn't full of the normal raptures that were produced when he showed off his family home. Rather she seemed to sit back and take it all in.

He opened the door and quickly went to open hers and take some of the things from her hand. Yet as he reached for her hand to help her out. Lizzy smiled, "I'm not an invalid Will, but thank you" she said at his worried expression.

He smiled, "Let me show you to your room, the staff is asleep by now, I asked them not to wait up for me." He said as he unlocked the door to the mansion and helped her upstairs and to one of the large guest rooms.

"Its beautiful Will" she said with a smile, "thanks."

"Don't thank me, good night Lizzy...if you need anything....anything at all my room is at the end of the hall."

"goodnight Will." Lizzy changed into a cotton nightgown from the small overnight bag she had managed to pack. She carefully removed some of the pictures from her bag. Some of her parents, her English father and her southern belle mother now settled in London. Some of her sisters scattered about the globe. The first was of her oldest and dearest sister Janey, her husband Charles and their two twin sons. The next was Mary, married and with a small daughter settled in Australia doing research. Kitty was at Oxford finishing up her undergrad. Finally Lizzy drew the small frame of Anne and herself on their vacation in Italy the summer before graduation. They both looked tan and healthy, vibrant with life.

Lizzy popped in some of the pills for he pain Rick had given her and curled up on her side. She finally allowed herself to weep from the pain in her side from where George had hit her with the bat. She wept for herself, and she for the dearest friend she'd ever had... "Oh Anne" she whispered into the pillow as she sobbed herself to sleep.

III

Posted on Monday, 17 July 2000, at 11 : 18 p.m.

The next morning dawned bright, Lizzy waking early and rolling out of bed, her mouth tasting like an old sock from not brushing her teeth before bed. After tidying herself up and pulling on a gray knee length skirt and cream cardigan she swept her hair into a messy chignon, she had long since given up on attempting neatness.

She came downstairs to find Will seated at the huge dining table in the huge dining room sipping a tiny cup of coffee. He was dressed smartly in a tailored charcoal suit and silver tie. He rose as he saw her, "good morning Lizzy, how are you this morning. Did you sleep well?" he asked anxiously as he drew out the chair.

"Thank you Will, everything was fine." She said her soothing voice smoothing over his anxiety.

His face relaxed, "Don't thank me yet...you haven't met your charge yet." He called to the other room, "Michelle can you bring in Janna."

"Ms. Elizabeth Bennet may I present Janna Elizabeth Darcy."

"Please to meet you...Missy." said a small little voice. And with that...Elizabeth Scarlett Bennet, age 26 fell head over heels in love with the little girl who stood before her.

She got down on her knees to be at eye level with the child and held out her hand, "I'm very pleased to meet you Janna." She said seriously but with a huge smile on her face, one that the little girl shyly returned.

"Missy see Dolly?" the child asked with a smile as she reached for Lizzy's hand.

Lizzy nodded her head with a smile as Janna led her to the playroom.

Will looked upon them with a beaming smile that spread across the entirety of his face, "Michelle...how about I give you the next two weeks before you leave as paid vacation...I think we can handle it." He said still grinning despite the shrieks of thanks and joy from the young Nanny.

As Janna babbled to herself and occasionally to Lizzy while she showed off her toys, Lizzy felt herself becoming lost in thought as she smiled at the tiny angel before her.

Lizzy loved children, she always had a smile for a child at the grocery store, a happy word for a toddler on her walk, a moment to play catch with a lonely child in her neighborhood. At times she would find herself sitting on a bench outside a park, just enjoying their shrieks of joy and cheery play. She had longed to have children of her own, but could not in good conscience bring a child into her turbulent world.

Now, for a brief time at least, she had been given the unique gift to care for this beautiful child.

"Missy Tea?"

"Yes Angel, thank you." As the little girl poured a small bit of imaginary tea into a tiny little tea cup. As Lizzy brought the cup to her lips she couldn't recall a time when she'd felt more blessed.

Will came into the room, "Lizzy could I speak for you for a moment?"

"Of course Will." She said with a smile that lit up the room.

He looked at her carefully, happy to see that the swelling had indeed gone down; now her cheek was just beginning to show a purplish bruise spreading from neck to cheekbone. He offered his arm which she took thankfully.

He led her to a large room, the library, which he referred to as his sanctuary. "Lizzy we have a lot to talk about." She nodded a yes. "First and foremost your things, I'll have them collected from your apartment. Secondly you must go to see Rick in his clinic, the driver will take you in a few hours. Third, do you want to file a police report against Wickham, and fourth when would you like to begin the divorce proceedings.

"thank you, alright, I don't know, and immediately." She said her face serious. "No really Will, I can't thank you enough for all that you're doing for me, I must be a terrible burden to you." She said with a questioning look.

"You're my friend Lizzy, you could never be a burden." He said with that enigmatic smile of his.

"As for filing the police report I'm not sure...I just wish he would leave me alone...I don't want retribution...I just want peace." She said with a sigh.

"It's up to you Lizzy, I just want you to know that I'm behind you 100% on whatever you decide. I can have the divorce papers drawn up and delivered when your things are collected, is that alright?"

"Ok," said Lizzy looking as if she'd like to say more.

"Lizzy there's one more thing, I have something for you," he said as he drew out a small envelope titled simply 'Lizzy.' "It's from Anne, she asked me to give it to you if we ever chanced to meet again.

Lizzy's eyes moistened as she saw the familiar hand, elegant yet precise. "Thank you" she mumbled as she took the envelope and held it in her hands with reverence.

She stood, "Excuse me Will, but I...I would like to take this to my room if that's Ok."

"of course, I have to get to work, Phillip, the driver will be back in a bit to take you to Richard."

"goodbye Will, have a nice day."

"You too Lizzy." He said with a smile, it had been to long since someone had been there to wave him off.

Lizzy laboriously trecked off to her room, shaken by the letter that she held in her palm, she carefully opened the seal, handling it like one would touch a sacred text.

Dearest Lizzy Bean,

I hope you're reading this safe and secure in your own home settled nicely with George surrounded with lovely children. I hope that you're happy and content. I hope...oh I just hope.

If you're not don't make me say I told you so.

Oh Lizzy, I do hope you're happy, I've missed you so these past few years.

If you're actually reading this two things must have happened, A) you must have found Will B) I'm dead.
You're probably shocked at this, but then you always did shock easy. I know I'm dying Lizzy, you just know...and I'm not angry at God, or furious at fate, although I'm not ready either. God knows that's there's still a thousand things I'd love to do. Watch Janna grow up, grow old with Will, see the world, win a Nobel Prize. But we don't always get what we want. And I've had a wonderful life- I still think of the night we went and saw It's a Wonderful Life during Christmas Break and quoted lines all the way home every time I think of that phrase.

Oh Lizzy, I know I'm rambling, but you always were the writer, but how does one say goodbye to your best friend? Lizzy, Will told me about that night you went to the frat parties. I want you to know that I never blamed you, I never forgave you because there was no need, I wasn't upset to begin with. I always felt as if Will married the wrong roommate, you two always did get along like a house on fire.

But Will was a wonderful husband, and a better friend never was born. I'm content with the life that I've lived...it's been fulfilling and more jam packed with joy than others experience in a centuries worth of lifetime.

Now that's done, the difficult part begins...how do I explain to you how much you truly mean to me my dearest Lizzy. Your stupid jokes, the way you tilt your head when listening thoughtfully, that silly grin that covers your face when you see a child.

The way you made me laugh till I cried after I lost the state debate finals. The way you held my hand while I waited for the results of my exams. The way you let me cry on your shoulder after the first time I was dumped. The way you dragged me out of bars and clubs in Europe for my own good.

The four years I spent in your company for perhaps the best four years of my life, and not just because of your famous Chicken Fried Steak (although that had a lot to do with it), but because I spent it with YOU.

There's only one thing else I could do to truly explain how much I value you in every way. I leave you my most precious possession, my family. I'm not asking you to sleep with Will and become Janna's mother, although that would be ideal. Just take care of them dearest, because they need someone, and that someone is you.

I love you Lizzy, always and forever.

Your Annie.

Such a letter is not easily recovered from and the relief and the sorrow, coupled with sheer longing opened the floodgate of Lizzy's tears once more. Yet, after she had cried till one could cry no more, she looked upon the letter as a final sign from her dearest friend. I'll Take Care of Them Annie, that' my promise to you she thought as she folded up the letter and tucked it beneath the frame that held the picture of them together in Italy. It caught her eye once more as she lovingly traced her finger about Anne's face...noticing the smile that lit it so beautifully. That smile stayed with Lizzy long after she had replaced the frame and walked out the door.

IV

Posted on Wednesday, 19 July 2000, at 1 : 06 p.m.

Will loosened his tie as he stepped across the threshold of his home. The whole place had a different look, a different feel. Not that Lizzy had altered much of his home, no she had been too respectful of his wishes and his desires to do that. Yet, the whole atmosphere of the place had changed in the past three months she had been with them, it was as if she had brought the house back to life once more. Flowers bloomed on tabletops again, gone were the plastic ones of old. Potpourri and fragrance laced the air in seemingly every nook and corner. Her knitting or her books could be found resting delicately upon the tabletop; he'd even found violets in his study one morning. violets where they even in bloom? How had she remembered?

Yet the most amazing change that she had wrought had been in Janna. The child had always been friendly, but a little temperamental. Lizzy had taken the little fuss pot and made her bloom, under a mother's care-for Lizzy certainly didn't treat Janna as merely her 'charge'- the little girl had transformed into an angel. Open and friendly, happy and bright. What other nannies had endeavored to do for years, Lizzy managed in a few months.

Will hadn't been back to the church (with the exception of Sunday's for mass of course) since Lizzy had arrived. At first it had just been in an effort to ensure her comfort, and make her seem more at ease...then gradually he no longer felt the need to run from his home. The memories that laced the place like cobwebs soon grew secondary...for now the house had a present...no longer living solely in the past. Yes, Will had found a reason to stay... Weekends were no longer filled with solitary walks, or talking Janna to play groups. Now, together they would go to the park or the zoo, or picking strawberries at a friend's house. People would remark 'what a charming family' for Lizzy and Janna shared an uncanny resemblance. Yet, if they looked closer they would see the sadness that still hung in Will's eyes and the faint remnants of bruises brushed across Lizzy's body; ever reminders of what had been...

She had taken the rambling mansion and made it into a home. She had taken a desolate man and a wild little girl and made them into a family once more...

"Unforgettable," trilled Lizzy's soprano voice from the hallway, awash in sweetness. Then he saw them standing there, Janna hanging from Lizzy's neck, riding piggy back. Lizzy looking up at her and singing to her softly. To Will a sweeter sight never was seen.

"Daddy!" cried Janna hoping from Lizzy's back down onto the ground and straight into her father's arms. Will picked up the little girl and swung her around, much to her delight. "How is Daddy's little tiger?" he asked Janna as she sat atop his shoulders.

"Rowrr.." she growled producing quite a chuckle from Lizzy and Will.

"How are you Lizzy," he said as his face softened.

"I'm fine. How was your day?" she asked as she automatically put his briefcase aside and straightened the flowers in the vase."

"Wonderful. How about you tiger?"

"Vondurful" she said with another little growl, then returning to her normal voice, "Daddy, Daddy put me down, watch me and Missy." She cried as she ran over to Lizzy and pulled her down to whisper something in her ear.

"Oh Sugar we just sang that song."

"Puh-lease." She asked with a little tug of her pigtail that Lizzy could never refuse.

"Oh alright." She said with a smile as she scooped her up so that Janna's legs wrapped around Lizzy's middle and put one little hand on Lizzy's shoulder and the other in Lizzy's hand so it appeared as if they were about to waltz.

In her sweet little coo, Janna sang, "Unfow-geddable."

"...that's what you are"- came Lizzy's soprano

"Unfow-geddable"

"...though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more"

"Unfow-geddable"

"...in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable."

Then as Lizzy whispered in Janna's ears, and Janna repeated, "Thinks dat I am Unfow-geddable too." The grin that spread across Janna's cheeks only intensified as Lizzy dipped the child down until her pigtails brushed the floor. Janna dissolved into a fit of giggling and then bounced off Lizzy, "Did you like it Daddy?"

"It was...unforgettable." he sang in his deep baritone as he laughed, his eyes crinkling with mirth.

That smile brought a warm glow to Lizzy's heart as she watched them a picture of fatherly love. Janna came and bounced over to Lizzy wrapping her arms around her leg, giving it a squeeze, "I go play now."

"Alright lil' miss, but I'm coming in 15 minutes to tuck you in, you better be ready," she called after her as Janna disappeared.

Lizzy turned towards Will, "I've been meaning to talk to you as well."

"Go ahead," her tone worried him a bit.

"I...I don't want to be a burden on you any longer...you may want more for Janna than I can give her...I've gotten a wonderful job offer to edit and rework novels from a publishing company."

"That's wonderful." He said with a forced smile.

"thank you."

"Lizzy...Lizzy wait...I know that being a nanny isn't your foremost career goal in life...and you must be tired of Janna and my cranky ways...but is there any way at all you would consider staying on here. We need you Lizzy...somehow you've made this broken family and crumbled home whole once more...please...stay."

"Oh Will, I was hoping that you would ask...the job that I was offered is part-time...and I can work at home. I would like nothing more than to stay on here. You see...I've fallen in love with your daughter Will, I don't think I could bear parting with her." She said as tears glistened in her eyes.

"Nor she with you. She's become your fifth limb I see." He said with a smile, "Thank you for staying...thank you for everything."

"No Will, Thank You for rescuing me...and bringing me to a place I've come to love." She said as she placed a hand on his cheek.

Their proximity to one another did not go unnoticed by either, and Lizzy quickly withdrew her hand, "I have to go tuck in Janna." She said as she ducked her head and walked out of the room while Will's eyes trailed after her. The pounding in his heart didn't settle for sometime and began just as quickly as he thought of her hand upon him once more.

After changing his clothes he wandered by Janna's nursery to kiss her goodnight-from outside the door he heard Lizzy's voice singing,

"...how long I've loved you?
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to, I will"

He poked his head through the doorway.

"For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same"

To see Lizzy gently rocking Janna back and forth, the child curled up quietly in her arms.

Love you forever, and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

Occasionally Lizzy would plant a small kiss on the child's forehead or smooth some of the curls away.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Ah, you know I will I will..."

As Will observed this perfect picture of maternal felicity, a few tears stung his eyes and fell down his cheeks unnoticed. His daughter had finally found solace, and Lizzy a home.

Will was sitting in his sweats reading a very tired looking book of red binding with a faded gold inscription. Lizzy came in quietly and sat next to him on the large sofa, tucking her feet beneath her and laying her head against the back of the couch.

"I never knew you had such a beautiful voice." He said with a smile as he lay the book aside.

"You heard me?"

"I popped in to say goodnight to Janna and I saw you rocking her to sleep."

"I know I'm kind of spoiling her, but sometimes she just can't sleep." She said sheepishly, "what are you reading?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

Will smiled at her consternation, "it was Anne's- Palgrave's Treasury of English Songs and Lyrics"

Lizzy gave a small gasp, "I gave her that for her 21st birthday." She said as she took the well-worn little book, fingering it carefully. She turned the page to the inscription written in her careful hand,

to my Annie, let your life be as beautiful as these verses, and as noble as their meaning, remember that I love you always, Lizzy

"She loved it so much, as do I...my favorite is All for Love,

O talk not to me of name great in story;
The days of our youth are the days of glory;
And the myrtle and ivy of sweet two and twenty
Are worth all your laurels ever so plenty

Lizzy noted with pleasure how brown his curls still were, and the quiet grace with which he read. two and twenty her age when they met in her dorm room. Did he ever think of that night? Stupid drunken mistake the words echoed in her ears. For her it had been what? It had been her last moment of true happiness before George...It had been so much more than a mistake...so much more than he would ever know...

Will finished the poem, ...that was bright in my story, I Knew it Was Love, I Felt it Was Glory. .

He shut the book with a snap, "that's what I always imagined love to be like, to Feel like Glory."

"Did it live up to your expectations?" she asked with a small smile.

"I don't know." He said as he gave her a strange look.

Lizzy automatically felt as if she had overstepped her boundaries, she was instantly repentant. The Lizzy of old would never have retracted nor retreated such a harmless question, but this was not the Lizzy of old. This was a woman who once proud and so vibrantly alive had been almost broken by abuse. "I'm sorry Will, I didn't mean..."

"It's alright Lizzy...you didn't..."he said as he placed a comforting hand upon hers." She instinctively backed off, pulling her hand away.

"I'm sorry Will...it's not you...I just can't bear to be touched it seems...I feel like such a fool." She said as she curled up tighter. Will's heart lurched, aching for her.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"My life is an open book" she said with a tiny smile, relaxing a bit.

"Why? Why did you stay with him all these years?"

Lizzy was a little taken back, "I...It wasn't always like this you know. We had broken up after college...then he called me out of the blue, it must have been a few months after your wedding, and I was feeling lonely so I went out with him, one thing led to another and we got married. For a while it was wonderful I built castles in the air that had no foundation, soon he'll find work, soon we'll stop living off my trust fund, soon we'll stay in one place long enough to get a job. But soon never came, George eventually gave up pretending to want to make me happy, I just became his meal ticket, then his punching bag. I don't even know when the abuse really started anymore."

At the word, Will's fist tightened...his throat burning with anger and his eyes stinging with tears.

"He was sleeping around, and I think dealing drugs...but I...I don't know. One morning I went to apply for work in one of these dinky little convenience stores in one of the dinky little towns where we went to follow one of George's 'leads' and I'm filling out the application and I realize that there's no space for college education. There I was a summa cum laude Princeton graduate, without work, without a home, without a family. I had failed my career, I had failed my chance at motherhood, I sure as hell wasn't about to fail my marriage too. So I stayed."

"Listen to me, listen." Said Will as he took her head gently between his two hands ignoring her flinching. "You failed at nothing, do you hear me NOTHING, it's George that failed You. He failed as a human being, he became less than that, he became an animal." He looked at the tears welling up in her eyes and pulled her towards him, enveloping her in his strong embrace. She clung to him like a child, allowing for the first time for some one to comfort her. She didn't sob, merely wept for the past that had slipped away. He smoothed her hair back, kissing her forehead, his lips warm on her cool velvety skin.

She let out a small sniffle and pulled back to her original seat. "It seems like you're there every time I need you. How will I ever manage to repay all that you've done for me." She said with a bit of a laugh.

"Oh I don't know, I'm sure I'll think of something." He said mischievously, a grin working at the corner's of his mouth.

"I'm sure you will." She said with a smile. The small red volume caught her notice, and she fingered the cover lightly, tracing the golden engraving with a thoughtful smile, "you never asked me of my favorite."

"Well, what is it?" he asked grateful to see a smile brighten her countenance once more.

"It's incredibly cliched but I still adore it."

"Now my interest is peaked."

"Promise you won't laugh."

"Cross my heart and hope to die." He said as he pretended to stab himself and then fall comically on the sofa.

"Well...it's The Ways of Love by Browning."

Will let out a small groan, then dramatically, "How do I love thee let me count the ways..."

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the Ends of Being and Ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need by sun or candlelight."

She finished quietly. "For the Ends of Being and Ideal Grace." She said with an awed voice and that same faraway expression on her face, then looking back at him, "Isn't that beautiful."

William had watched the transformation that had taken place with a keen interest, noting how the fear that left it's indelible mark upon her eyes had slipped away. How the lines of sorrow that creased her brow had smoothed and how her mouth often in a tight smile had relaxed to produce the most genuine and least self-conscious of smiles.

The beauty that resided deep within her for a brief moment at least came bursting forth to the surface and for the first time he saw the return of the girl he knew so many years ago...And Will could not tear his eyes away.

"Incredible."

Lizzy felt her heart fly to her throat, he had no conception of what his gaze did to her, still did to her after all these years. She had begun to read meaning into his friendly actions, to fool herself into believing that...She was a fool. Will had met Perfection, been married to her for a few years in fact...what would he want with a someone not even good enough for George Wickham. She swallowed, "Caroline Bingly called today." She said as she referred to an old college friend of them all, Charles, her brother-in-law and Will's best friend's, sister.

"Really"

"Really," she said as she deliberately ignored his gaze upon her. "She wanted to know if you'd go out to lunch with her...she has something to discuss with you."

"I don't think that..."

"I think you should."

"Really...and why is that?" he asked.

"Because you can't hide from the world forever, can you honestly tell me that this is all you want." She said waving her hand around.

"What if I told you it was." He said, his gaze never wavering from her face.

"Then I would tell you that you're not being realistic." She ended quietly, "go out with Caroline Will." Her voice flat, "I suddenly feel sleepy...I'll see you tomorrow." She said as she rose. But something inside her made her choose to forego her usual wave and kiss him lightly on the cheek.

At the feel of her lips on his skin, the breath collapsed in his throat, and his heart stopped in his chest. It was sometime before he could regain control of either...

*All for Love- Lord Byron
*The Ways of Love- Browning
*Unforgettable- Nat King Cole
*I Will- The Beatles

V

Posted on Thursday, 20 July 2000, at 11 : 26 p.m.

Will came in quite after the last ray of sunshine had departed to it's nightly bed. The house was still, the peace unbroken by sound. As he entered the drawing room his stomach rumbled slightly reminding him of his hunger. He flipped the light only to find Lizzy sitting on the sofa, her legs tucked beneath her, her head resting upon her folded arms. The dark curls that usually were bound now lay with abandon about her face and rested gently upon her arms, creating startling contrast against her ivory skin. Her rosy lips were parted as she shallow breaths pressed against them. Her thick lashes were lush against the translucence of her face.

She was in a word--breathtaking.

He came to her side, he touched her shoulder gently, "Lizzy, Lizzy." To no avail, he scooped her up into his arms, he had carried files heavier than she, and carried her to her room. The climb was difficult, not because his lean, muscled body was out of shape, or that she was a burden, merely because her proximity made his breath come in short, labored bursts- she had that effect on him.

As he laid her upon her bed, beneath her covers, she stirred, her lids fluttering open. "Will, you're home." She said with the sweetest of smiles as he leaned over her. For he sat on the edge of her bead, one arm resting across her body. "What am I doing here?" she asked looking around.

"You fell asleep on the sofa downstairs I carried you up here."

"Oh, I was waiting up for you, I guess this schedule tires me out more than I thought." She said with a smile.

"Go to sleep, I'm here now."

"No, I'll warm up dinner, you must be famished."

"And you must be exhausted." He said as brought her blanket up for her.

"Oh Will," she cried as she placed her hand on his cheek, "I'm not tired now" as she looked up at him.

A sweeter sound had never fallen from a pair of lips, and it took every bit of restraint that was left in Will to keep from brushing those lips with his own. She rose from the bed, taking his hand within her own pulling him up gently. Her tiny hand within his own felt so right, so perfect nestled there beneath his fingers, he was loath to ever let it go.

As they ventured down stairs, Lizzy headed into the kitchen and pulled two plates from the fridge. "I thought I would cook tonight and give Alex the night off, poor thing says he hasn't seen his son in a quite a few days because he comes home after the child goes to sleep." She said with a little smile.

"Why didn't you eat?"

"Well, I'm not going to eat at 5:30 when I give Janna dinner," she said wrinkling up her nose in distaste, "and I can't very let you eat alone in this dreary kitchen" she said. Then affecting her very best Southern accent, "My momma always said that dinner without conversation is like an ice cream sundae without the cherry; fill's you up but just doesn't seem complete." She said as she placed a plate of chicken fried steak and heaping mashed potatoes before him.

"What's this?" he asked with a smile.

She pretended to look affronted, "This Sir, is my world famous Chicken Fried Steak and Mashed Potatoes with Peppercorn gravy. Perhaps the best thing I can make and may I mention Annie's favorite food in the whole world." She said as she took a bit of gravy off with her finger and plopped it in her mouth.

"What? Anne always told me her favorite dish was my Teriyaki Beef."

"Fickle creature that Anne, she would tell you anything just to make you happy. I once got the world's most horrific hairdo before the President's Ball and she assured me that it was beautiful all the way home just so I wouldn't cry. She kept assuring me it was beautiful even as she took all the pins out, redid it and really made it look nice." She said her mind drifting back to happier days filled with their blithe young laughter.

"This really is incredible Lizzy." Said Will between bites, "leagues better than anything I or even Alex for that matter makes." He said with a grin as a bit of gravy had conspicuously arrived on the tip of his nose.

Lizzy resisted the desire to wipe it off, she leaned over with a napkin and gently dabbed the gravy away. Will stopped breathing for a moment as she was so close to his body. "That's the great thing about having a Southern mother, you learn to cook all these fabulous foods," she said as she sat back down. She composed her voice, "speaking of food...how was lunch?"

"Long, what began as a 45 minute lunch break lasted for two hours."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun." She said her heart breaking once more.

"It was different...oh I'm glad you reminded me, the banquet for Anne's foundation is this Friday. That's what Caroline needed to speak with me about, although it was something that could easily have been done on the phone."

"Oh, do you need me to watch Janna on my night off...I don't mind" she said with such a resigned smile that it tugged at Will's very heart.

"No Lizzy, I want you to come with me...to the banquet."

"Will, I don't know what to say,"

"Then say yes."

"You should probably take Caroline," for Lizzy's tender heart recognized Caroline's thinly veiled admiration and sympathized with all who suffered from unrequited love. "I haven't been out in society in what seems like forever." She said with a mischievous smile, "and I must admit it wasn't exactly my favorite thing to do back then either. That's the downside of having a Southern matchmaking mamma, they make you have a debutante ball, which is synonymous with torture in my humble opinion."

"You had a debutante ball?"

"Yup, my mother's a southern belle, only fitting that her daughters should be as well. When I was 15 I 'came out' it was horrible because I was terribly shy and very gawky looking, I think Mamma actually bribed some young men to ask me to dance." She said with a grin.

"So let's rectify that situation, I promise you'll not be short of partners on Friday."

"I don't know Will..."

"Lizzy, Lizzy look at me. I love the four walls of this house and everything that lies between it. I adore my daughter more than words can say and actions can ever do justice to. And I know that you feel the same way...but Lizzy you cannot hide behind them any longer. You have a life to live...and that entails venturing from this house once in a while." As a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"You should be one to talk..."

"And didn't I go to lunch with Caroline after your little pep talk last night?" he said in a cajoling manner.

"Oh Will, I'm perfectly happy just spending time here, you should go by yourself...maybe you'll meet someone nice." The words fell like stones from her lips and landed with a thud upon Will's heart. I don't want to meet anyone else

"Alright, if you don't want to come...think of it as doing me a favor, I was sort of hoping you would do the introductions...especially on Anne's behalf." It was low, for he knew Lizzy would never deny him a favor, but desperation had got a hold of his tongue before his head had even had a chance.

Lizzy's heart cracked a little at this, although her composure never faltered. he didn't really WANT you Lizzy, he needed a favor...why do you keep doing this to yourself?

"Ok, I'll go...but I have to find something to wear..."

Will's heart soared, "I'll have Phillip take you wherever you need to go."

"Alright,"

"Alright...now tell me about your day?" he said with an eager smile, for he could spend hours just listening to her tinkling laughter and her breathy voice as her eyes would sparkle over some of life's little wonders.

"Oh it was pretty standard," she said as she wiped her mouth with the napkin and laid it aside, "I took Janna to the park, and she learned how to play catch." She exclaimed as a grin spread across her face. "And then I read the most amazing new autobiography, It's by a Ms. Tabitha Winterbourne. Oh, Will...the prose sparkles, it really does, and I was so moved by her recollections and the manner in which it was..." she stopped as she heard a noise in the distance, "did you hear that Will?"

He cocked his head, "yeah, it sounds...it sounds almost like..."

"It sounds like Janna crying," she said a little fearfully, "I'll go check up on her."

"I'll come with you." He said rising as well. Lizzy tried to make her steps even, to keep herself from breaking into a run. For through Lizzy was tumbling all the sensations of motherhood which normal women have 3 years to adjust to; and the mother's instinct that was beginning to well up inside of her ensured that something was wrong with her Janna.

When she got to the stairs, and heard that it was indeed Janna crying in the nursery Lizzy could no longer maintain appearances and broke into a full fledged sprint to her room, she opened the door and switched open the light. Janna sat up in her large, canopied, princess style bed; sobbing uncontrollably for her Missy.

"Missy," she managed to garble between sobs as Lizzy sat on the child's bed Will stood by her side. Janna crawled out of bed and wrapped herself around Lizzy's body koala style. Lizzy rocked the little body, smoothing the hair and whispering calming words into her ear until she relaxed.

"What's wrong precious?" she asked the almost shivering child.

The tears welled up in her big brown eyes once more, "I had a bad dweam."

"Ok, Sugar what was wrong?"

"In my dweam I dweamed that you went away Missy."

"Oh Sugar, I'm right here." She said as she kissed the warm brow. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You pwomise...Daddy make her pwomise she'll neber-eber leave." She said as she tugged on Will's sleeve.

"Sugar...I can't make promises, but I love you and I'm not going anywhere right now." She said with another kiss.

"Pwease...Daddy." Will sat down on the bed next to Lizzy.

"I won't let her leave," he said with a little wink to Janna.

"Stay with me pwease." She said as she tugged on her little pig tail. Lizzy nodded a yes and took off her shoes, "you too Daddy," she said as she looked up at her father, his heart melted towards her...so rarely did she ask anything of him.

"Of course Darling."

"Now ebery body lay down," she said her lip still quivering. The adults did as instructed and soon Will and Lizzy were lying close to one another in Janna's huge bed with the child snuggled between them. "I lub you Missy, I lub you Daddy." She whispered into Lizzy's hair.

"We love you too Princess." He said as he stroked his daughter's dark curls. Will's last thought before drifting into slumber was an expression of his contentment with the world, for here he lay...happy at last...his family intact.

The sunlight streamed through the window, alighting upon Will's face gently, his eyes opened squinting...unused to the light. He heard Janna's happy babble as she played with her dollhouse at the foot of the bed. Like children are apt to do, the nightmare had become a distant memory and she was engaged in the happy present.

Lizzy still lay next to him, deep in sleep, she had moved closer after Janna had risen and was now snuggled in the crook of his arm. Will let out a contented sigh as he watched her shallow breaths seemingly float from her rosy lips. He brushed an errant curl from her face with his fingertip.

Will's momentary lapse of good judgement may be pardoned for a moment. For had his mind control, he would have long since gently displaced Lizzy, yet his heart now ruled...ay...his heart, were that organ forever ruling, he would be content to lie there with her till the ends of time.

"Will" she mumbled as a small smile played at her lips, she snuggled closer to him until her body was molded against his own and her head resting upon his chest.

"I'm right here Lizzy." He whispered as he placed a chaste kiss upon her forehead.

"George...oh dear God" her body stiffening and a look of fear passing her face, "...George...please don't...Will!" she screamed as she sat up with a start.

"Lizzy I'm right here, please..." Will said as he held her.

"Oh Will," she cried as she clutched his body, still shaking like a leaf in the wind. Her arms drew about his neck and his arms encircled his back drawing her close. She sobbed into his neck, and he held her as one would hold a child. "Is Janna, where is she," she said as she drew away.

"I'm right here." Said she as she bounded out onto the bed. Then as the child noticed the tears that Lizzy desperately wiped away she asked, "Oh Missy whas wong, why you cy-ying?"

"I'm Ok Sugar, just come over here and give your Missy a big hug." She said. Janna quickly complied and ran directly into her arms, leaping and thus knocking Lizzy's slight frame over backwards onto the bed. Both she and Janna burst into giggles, the dream...and all that it so ominously foretold...now pushed into the background.

"Come on you two, let's go...I'll make you both breakfast...how about pancakes!" said Lizzy.

Will looked down only to see that she had never let go of his hand, and even now her fingers were entwined with his own. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, expecting her to draw it back. Yet, his heart soared on wings of hope as she gave it a small squeeze in return and whispered quietly, "Come on, I hear that my pancakes are even better than my chicken fried steak."

And with that our dearest trio alighted, unaware of the storm that brewed outside their sanctum.

VI

Posted on Sunday, 23 July 2000, at 12 : 36 p.m.

It had taken hours to find a gown with sleeves. Such a simple task seems unequal to the amount of effort that Lizzy poured into it, yet with the scars of cigarettes and beatings still fresh upon her back and arms, Lizzy was loath to reveal more skin than absolutely necessary. And in a time where skin is in, it was impossible to find something appropriate.

In desperation Lizzy had ventured into one of the high-end boutiques and finally allowed a sales-lady to aid her in her search. After loads upon loads of matronly dresses, there was one that finally caught her attention, however the fitting was all wrong, hence she had to have it altered. A process that involved Lizzy being measured in just her slip- a process she dreaded.

The sales woman was too thorough of a professional to mention the scars that lined Lizzy's slight frame like veritable diary of abuse. Yet, the sharp intake of breath taken by the woman was enough to ensure Lizzy, that like any other human with eyes, she had noticed.

The pity with which she looked upon Lizzy was irksome, and almost humiliating. As the dress was wrapped up Will entered the boutique to pick up her up. The daggers the woman sent Will's way prompted Lizzy to lean towards the woman and whisper, "those scars are courtesy of my ex-husband...he's just a friend." Although professionalism prohibited the woman from commenting her face relaxed, and she breathed a sigh of relief to know that such a handsome exterior did not indeed house a monster.

just a friend the woman thought with a chuckle, for the feeling that shone in the eyes of both was unmistakeable. If they're still just friends after that dress, I'll turn in my tape measure. Yet, as the two left the shop the kind-hearted soul put Professionalism aside for moment and allowed a single tear to form in silent sympathy with the young woman and a small prayer float up for the happiness of a young woman so long deserving of it.

Lizzy pulled back a curly lock and secured it with a pin. In an effort to somewhat mask the scars that were still visible on her neck she had let her dark curls cascade almost down to her hips, small sparkling beads were affixed amongst the curls, giving the appearance of drops of gold on mahogany. Her dress was essentially a gold brocade tube gown covered with a wine colored chiffon that hug every curve, but also hid every scar.

It had taken her an extraordinary amount of time to apply her make up, not out of any sense of misplaced vanity, merely because it had been so long since she last put it on, she had to learn all over again.

"Missy," said a small voice at the door. And like all the mothers before her and likely all the mothers who will come after; with complete disregard for her appearance and the amount of time it had taken to perfect that it, she scooped the child into her arms.

"what is it Sugar...didn't I just tuck you in?"

"I miss you Missy." She said burrying her head in Lizzy's shoulder still half asleep.

"Oh really," she said as her heart melted towards the child, "How about you go to sleep on my bed then,"

"Otay," she said as she smiled up at her Missy, "you look bootiful."

"Why thank you," then as she swung the child around, "now if I could just find a necklace."

"I'll be your necklace!" she screeched with joy as she wrapped her arms about Lizzy's neck and the two collapsed in laughter on her bed. She tucked the little girl, content to watch her drift to sleep, her little fist curled beneath her face.

After some time there was a soft knock at her door, "I'm coming she whispered" softly. She slowly swung the door open.

And there he was....

He was as gorgeous as the first time she saw him, sleek and elegant in the black tux. The lines of sorrow and worry that had marred his countenance were replaced with a look of what? Something all together different, something Lizzy wasn't able to identify yet...

For Will time had stopped, he couldn't speak...Heck he was lucky if he remembered how to breathe. His memory burned her image in his mind; the curve of her lips, the sparkle in her eyes, the glow of her cheeks. And the feeling that threatened to well up inside him...nay...overcome him...silently tucked itself away in the recesses of his heart.

Impulsively Lizzy stuck out her hand, just as she had all those years ago, at the doorway of her dorm room when she first met him. "Will, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Annie didn't do you justice."

"The feeling is mutual." He replied automatically.

"You remembered" her voice twinged with awe as she looked to him searching his face.

"How could I forget." He choked out, for his heart had flown to his throat at the merest reminder of that night.

The ballroom was magical, crystal chandeliers dripped from the ceiling and flowers sprouted atop every surface. The sheer elegance and magic of it all briefly removed Lizzy's mind from the indescribable sensations Will's arm linked with her own produced. They slipped in inconspicuously, well as inconspicuously as two people as stunning as they can be. The floor was alive with dancing as couples swirled by; gliding to the last filtering beats of a fading melody.

Will excused himself for a moment and walked over to the band leader, it gave Lizzy a moment to gather her thoughts and summon her resolve. He had no conception that his slightest touch sent shivers down her spine, the softest word from his lips was as precious as a jewel, his gaze shook her to her very core.

"Elizabeth," she loved it when he called her by her full name, "May I have this dance." He said as he extended his hand to her.

"I'd love to Will...but...don't you think you should...I don't know find Caroline or notify them that we're here."

"Yes I suppose you're right...I guess I will." He said, she turned away to start back to their table...unwilling for him to see the hurt in her eyes.

He grabbed her arm, drawing her close, "I will....later. For know will you dance with me Lizzy?"

All she could manage was a nod of the head, Will signaled softly to the bandleader and soon a familiar tune wafted through the air.

Someday when I'm awf'ly low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight

The look of recognition that passed over Lizzy's face was unmistakable, and certainly not lost on Will.

"Do you remember this Lizzy?" he said as he drew her closer within his arms.

"How could I forget." She said with a smile as she thought of the song they had danced to that night at Princetion....on the lawn outside a bar, merely swaying to some distant music...content to be locked in one another's embrace.

Oh but you're lovely
With your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
Just the way you look tonight

"It's perfect for you Lizzy. Do you have any conception of how incredibly beautiful you look?" he whispered hoarsely in her ear.

"Lizzy...I for sometime now...I've been feeling as if I were ready to see people...but I don't want to date...I've already been through that mill...and why would I need to when I already know the perfect woman." All this was uttered as Will gazed past her face, knowing if he looked into those sparkling eyes, it would be impossible not to kiss her.

"Lizzy what I'm trying to say..."

With each word my tenderness grows
Tearing my fear apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart
Lovely, never, never change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight

Cautiously Lizzy's hand went up to his curls and stroked one near his neck, her hand traveling down and finally resting on his cheek, cupping his face, "Will...you can tell me anything."

"Lizzy...I.."

VII ~ Enter the Devil

Posted on Monday, 24 July 2000, at 11 : 45 p.m.

"Oh Hello...who do we have here." Said a rather smarmy man of forty as he brushed back what was left of his greasy hair with his thick mutton of a hand.

"Hi Bill." Said a rather perturbed Will, as his declaration had been so ungraciously interrupted.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your...lady friend." He said with a smile that made Lizzy's stomach turn.

"Bill Collins...Ms. Elizabeth Bennet." He said anxious to return to their conversation.

"Well, now that we've been introduced...you wouldn't mind if I cut in now would you Will." As he licked his grotesque lips in glee.

"Actually I would" as he caught the look of terror that passed over Lizzy's countenance. "You see Bill, she and I were having a bit of private conversation...so if you'll excuse us."

"Oh come on Will, I'm sure you'll have another chance," as he eyed Lizzy appreciatively, "to 'talk' now let me take a spin."

"She's not a race car Bill...and further more..."

"Will...oh Will." Cried a voice from the almost opposite corner of the room and then a mass of orange taffeta alighted towards them. "Oh Will I have so much to talk to you about, can we go somewhere private." She said as she grabbed his arm.

"Hello Caroline, how are you?" asked Lizzy sweetly.

"Oh why hello Eliza, I didn't see you, oh Will you're such a sweetheart for bringing your Nanny, well Eliza, this must be the most elaborate party you've ever seen."

"Caroline, Lizzy is not Janna's Nan..." Will began angrily, yet his tirade was interrupted by a squeeze of his hand by Lizzy.

"Why yes, it was very kind of Will to bring me, and everything here is so beautiful." She said with a simple grace that quieted Caroline. Will was agape in silent admiration for the woman he loved. As for Lizzy, she had so long since given up on the opinion of others that even Caroline's spiteful words had no effect on her. As long as she held on to the good opinion of Will she was quite content.

"Well, we've got to go, so if you'll excuse me...Will we must go speak to Kimmie Martin...you know the head of the Woman's League...she's the wife of Senator Ewan Martin, remember how crucial his support is."

"Yes I suppose I should," he turned to Lizzy offering his arm, "shall we?"

Lizzy brightened, but her face fell as Bill took it instead, "Will...since you're leaving you can't object to me taking this pretty young thing for a spin can you." He said as he leered at Lizzy.

"Really Bill, I think that..." he was once again stopped by the squeeze of Lizzy's hand

Despite her revulsion by the man, she didn't want to hinder Will in any manner, "that's alright Will, I suppose one dance won't hurt." She said as she forced herself to paste a smile onto her countenance.

"Alright Lizzy, but I'll be right back." He said as he gave her hand a comforting squeeze.

"So you and he seem to be rather close." Remarked Bill as his paw encircled Lizzy's waist bringing her close to his bulging belly, his smelly breath beating upon her brow.

Lizzy loosened herself from his grasp, "yes, we're very good friends." She responded tightly.

"Aaah....so that's what you call it, and I'm sure he pays you well?" he said as he leered at her body, undressing her with his eyes, all Lizzy wanted was away from him once and for all. "you know I could pay VERY well, and I dare say I'm just in much of need of some tender loving as anyone else," he said as his hands began to travel over her body. "You know I have a room upstairs...we could head over right now." He gurgled in her ear as a large paw caressed the small of her back.

"Yes, let's go." She said through her teeth and allowed him to lead him out of the hall. Her stomach fell with a sickening thud as he held her arm. As soon as they exited the hall, Lizzy turned towards him and forcefully slapped his hanging jowl.

"It's an important day for the foundation, for Will, and for the legacy of my dearest friend. And it's a lucky day for you that I didn't want to ruin it by making a scene. Otherwise I would have done that a long time ago. You disgust me...and you give your sex a bad name." She almost spat as she spun and sprinted to the door.

He reached for her again, pining both her arms behind her and moved to bring his lips upon hers, she quickly kneed him in the groin. "I advise you never to touch me again Sir," her words oozing with contempt, "or otherwise I won't be so merciful," she said as she left him a writhing mass on the floor.

She composed herself as she went to the doorway of the hall, Will caught sight of her, brightening. "Lizzy I've been looking all over for you, where did you go?" he whispered deliciously in her ear.

"oh just taking out the trash." She whispered suppressing a giggle with some difficulty.

"Come on, dinner's starting...and then the speeches begin."

"I'm actually really nervous Will...I haven't spoken in public in so long."

Will turned towards her, brushing away a curl, "you'll do great...I know it."

"I wish I had your confidence." She said with a small smile as they were seated.

Dinner progressed without incidence, each forced to make casual small talk with those that surrounded them, even as the speeches began Lizzy's thoughts traveled back to Anne her Annie . Even after all this time it still stung like a knife through her very soul to think of her as gone. Her reverie was broken by Will's hand upon her own, "It's almost your turn Lizzy-bean." He whispered.

"What did you call me?" her breath catching in her throat Anne

"oh Lizzy-bean, just sounds right doesn't it:" he said a little confused, "I wonder why I called you that myself."

Anne

"...could we please have another round of applause for Dr. Kathy Crawford," said the M.C. as a beautiful young woman alighted from the stage and almost ran straight into the arms of whom Lizzy could only guess to be Mr. Crawford, a rather remarkably handsome man.

"Now can we give a rousing welcome to our next speaker, Ms. Elizabeth Scarlett Bennet." Will gave her hand a final comforting squeeze, Lizzy walked up to the stage, still clutching her note cards, amidst the furious whispers of speculation and applause of the audience.

"Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, before I begin I'd like to answer what seems like a rather pressing question , 'Who am I?'" the audience laughed guiltily, "well, I've heard some rather interesting guesses, although my favorite would have to be 'Russian Astronaut' but unlike the other speakers today I'm really no one special." She paused slightly, the note cards discarded, her hand going directly and unconsciously to her heart. "Well, that really depends on your definition of 'special' for in a way I have been extraordinarily blessed, for I have known Perfection, I even roomed with Her for the four years I was in college."

Small tears began to form in Lizzy's eyes, "I know that this night isn't just about Anne Darcy, but I see no greater testament for a cure for the disease than she. If only to ensure that the world never loses such a woman again."

"I know that she also wasn't entirely without faults, what human being isn't? But she only fought too hard, loved too much, and gave too much of herself. She has always been everything that I ever desired in a friend and everything I admired in a human being."

Lizzy brushed back a single tear that had begun to fall down her cheek, "I hope you'll excuse me...I was never really the orator roommate, that was always Anne. Sometimes I would writer her a speech for a debate class or something....she would look over it and tell me that it was great. I would go to her speech, and she would start talking...and I wouldn't even recognize the words that had flowed from my own pen. She was miraculous, she could make grown men cry like babies. She brought tears to my eyes in a speech about sea snails. And it wasn't any great gift of melodrama, it was simply because she spoke from the soul."

Lizzy wiped a few more tears away, as did just about every member of the audience. A stifled sob was heard from the back of the room.

"That was my Anne, she did everything from the soul...that's how she lived, and I have a sneaking suspicion that's why she was so loved." Came out as a choked gasp.

Lizzy composed herself, "We're really gathered here today, to ensure that another child doesn't lose her mother, that another man doesn't lose his wife, that another profession doesn't lose another of it's leaders, than the world doesn't lose another phenomenal woman, that another Lizzy doesn't lose her Annie."

"Anne once wrote to me, I think it was during graduation...and the letter ended with, "remember Sugar, learn to love deeply and live every day like you're leaving a legacy."

"what we have today is my Anne's legacy, this foundation, and this cause. It is up to us to ensure the eradication of this horrible disease. Anne's life was certainly not in vain, it's up to us to ensure that her death wasn't either." Lizzy ended bravely, scrounging up every bit of strength to keep from dissolving into a mass of tears.

She walked down calmly into the audience but couldn't stop the tears from coming once Will enfolded her in his arms and led her back to their table.

There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, and indeed that of the of the entire viewership...for thanks to the 'Make Cancer History Week" at the local station the speeches at the banquet were being telecast all over the city. More than a few concerned sons and daughters, husbands, and brothers all urged the women they loved to become tested that evening doing more good than Lizzy could ever have conceived.

Yet, a few blocks away, in a seedy motel...amidst strewn trash and steeped heavily in the smell of alcohol and marijuana, another person watched the screen with rapt attention. The woman in the bed beside him turned over, he wasn't sure of her name or really even where he had picked her up. He was out of money and out of options, and then like luck itself there she was...his meal ticket...

"Though you could hide from me forever didn't you Lizzy." He said before throwing a bottle at the screen. "I can't wait to see you again, dearest.' He said with a sneer.

Posted on Wednesday, 26 July 2000, at 11 : 39 a.m.

"I had a wonderful time Will," said Lizzy shyly as Will walked her to the door. She felt like she was sixteen again on her first date the way her heart flip flopped each time Will touched her.

"So did I Lizzy, Lizzy there's something I've been trying to tell you all night." He said as that same look entered into his eyes, "Lizzy, I..."

"Will...You know that you can tell me anything." She said as her palm went delicately to cup his face, he kissed her hand that pressed against his cheek, causing a faint gasp to escape from Lizzy, and then as he moved towards her Lizzy's back pushed lightly against the door. The slight jangle caused a small voice to call out from inside the room, "Missy...is dat you." Followed by a whimper.

Lizzy inhaled deeply, "I better go check on her."

"Alright." Will said, almost with a sigh, "I'll wait right here for you." He said as she slipped quietly into her room.

"Missy...I dot scawed..." mumbled Janna half-asleep, as she clung to Lizzy.

"It's alright my little Angel, it's alright...I'm right here." She said as she smoothed back the dark hair.

"Stay with me pwease..." she said softly.

"Alright...I'm right here."

Fifteen minutes later Will was awash with anticipation, and he quietly opened the door, and leaned in only to see Lizzy sleeping lightly her breath coming in shallow breaths. Janna curled in the crook of her arm. He scooped Janna's tiny little body into his arms and bent down and placed a kiss on Lizzy's forehead, shutting the door behind him.

The next morning dawned bright as Lizzy took Janna to the park to play and the two swung on swings, battled dragons of their own creation, and laughed till they were undone. Lizzy carried Janna back, a feeling of fear gnawing at her, as if her mother's instinct alerted her that danger was near...and it shook Lizzy to her core.

After Lizzy tucked Janna in for a nap, she heard a knock on the study door.

"Ms. Elizabeth this just came in for you."

"Thank you Sarah...I appreciate it." She said as she took the letter from her hand. A plain white envelope with neither return address nor postage was affixed on the envelope, all that remained were the words Ms. Lizzy Bennet typed across the front. Lizzy ripped open the envelope, "Sarah," she called into the hallway

"Yes ma'am?"

"How did this get here?"

"A man about Mr. Darcy's age, quite handsome delivered it himself Ma'am"

"Thank you Sarah.," she said her hands shaking.

She pulled the single sheet of paper from the envelope, it was in a scrawl that she knew all too well.

Hello Lizzy,

Did you miss me?

You didn't think you could hide forever really did you?

Did you think I would just disappear like a bad dream?

Think again...my dear...

I saw you on TV, sobbing away about your dead friend, I always hated that snot- nosed little prick. I saw you cosying up to her husband, tell me Lizzy where you screwing around with him while she was in the hospital or did you wait till she was dead?

Oh and I saw the cutest thing today, I was walking by this park and I saw a little girl with dark curls playing with someone who looked a lot like...that wouldn't have been you and Darcy's little brat would it?
She's so small, and fragile...wouldn't it be a shame if something happened to her.

Don't think I've grown a heart while we've been apart...I'm willing to do whatever the Hell it takes to get what I want, even if that means putting a hole through your lover's head or ripping your little brat limb from limb.

You know what I want Lizzy. Meet me tonight in St. Mary's. Don't think I'll hesitate destroying everything you care about if you screw around me...

Lizzy's hands where shaking as she read the last part. Her heart was pounding with fear. Yet, she knew in her heart of hearts what she had to do, what must be done.

After all this time the Mother's instinct had kicked in at last.

Yet it would kill her to do it. At least she hoped it would. Death was a far better alternative to that life.

Lizzy crept into Janna's room as the child slept peacefully, her cheeks rosy with health, her tiny little fist curled beneath her cheek. She mumbled something unintelligible, followed by a whimper and 'Missy'

"I'm right here my Angel" whispered Lizzy with a sigh, how much longer would she able to comfort her. Janna would be alright she had Will...eventually she would forget all about her Missy. But for Lizzy the past months had bored a hole into her heart, a hole now filled entirely with Janna. And now all she would have left would be her memories...

She covered Janna's face with tiny butterfly kisses, pressing the chubby little hand to her cheek as the few renegade tears that had managed to escape the guard of her reserve slipped onto the sleeping child.

Yet, what would she tell Will? How could she protect him, and not destroy his faith in her? It was too great a burden to bear her love for him. He and Janna where her everything, her family. Indeed, they had long since ceased to be her obligation to Anne and found their way into her heart.

You see, she would have died for Anne's family. Yet, for her own she was ready to go back to Hell.

VIII

Posted on Thursday, 27 July 2000, at 9 : 42 p.m.

Will's hands shook as he read the note, Everything is moving too fast, please forgive me for leaving His heart beat wildly in his chest as if any moment it would explode and end it all. Yet, it was not so merciful and rather left a dull ache, a void where there had once been joy.

The church was dimmed by the fall of darkness, lit only by the candles that rose imposingly against the walls. Silence loomed through the air, silence save the quiet whisperings of a young woman. Her lips moved in fervent unison, words falling rapidly as they recited prayers that where constant reminders of her faith. She was not alone however, by her side stood another, yet he was not subject to any great outpouring of devotion, rather he stood silently shuffling his feet, smoking a cigarette and dropping the ashes onto the marble floor.

"Get up Lizzy," he said as he kicked her with the tip of his boot, as one would kick away a piece of stray garbage in one's path.

Lizzy continued to pray, her whole heart pouring forth from her lips. She prayed not for absolution, nor for help, all she asked for was mercy. "Dear God, All I ask of you at this moment is that he kill me and take my money, I cannot go back there my Lord, I cannot, please take pity on me, please God let him be merciful and end my life."

"I told you to get up you Whore, I'm still your Husband and you shall obey me." He said furiously as he burned the end of the cigarette into her skin. Lizzy winced with pain, but she continued to pray, "Dear Lord I ask you to protect Janna and Will, please God keep them safe, please." As tears began to fall from her eyes, yet she was unsure whether they sealed her pact with God or rather just an outlet for her pain.

George grabbed Lizzy's hair and pulled her to her feet, "Let's get the Hell out of here, this place gives me the creeps." Lizzy hesitated, for which she was rewarded by her head being smashed against the pew, and for a brief moment darkness blotted out the pain of the present. He pulled her to her feet again, blood oozing from the wound that lined her brow. All Lizzy could pray for was that the darkness would reclaim her once more, but by now the hope of such Felicity had vanished.

And then a pair of footsteps where heard in the corridor, "I'll consider letting you walk out of here with both your legs if you let her go right now Wickham, otherwise you can consider Mercy as a luxury you won't be afforded with." Came a growl at the door.

Panic consumed Lizzy, her breath catching in her throat. "Oh Dear God in Heaven, Will please get out of here. Please Will, please just leave, think of Janna....I'll be fine, George isn't trying to hurt me are you George? Please just leave Will, get out of here." Yet her voice had been weakened by the blow, and what might have been effective as a command was merely pitiful as a plea.

Self-doubt had gnawed at Will back at Pemberley, it had eaten him alive. His natural humility assured him that Lizzy had never truly cared for him. Indeed, her leaving had been a product of her desire to spare his feelings. It was with that idea had he set off for the one place he was sure she would go, to bring her back...to assure her that his feelings had no bearing on their relationship, to draw her back for Janna, for the house, for anything. Just bring her back.

And now as the pieces of the puzzle fit together his stomach tightened in disgust and his heart swelled with love for this courageous woman. "Let her go George." Came a growl that can only be described as gutteral, for it was ushered from the very depths of his hatred for the man who stood before him.

"Oh have you come to rescue your whore Will, just like you came to get your sister, you didn't think I remembered that did you? Well this one," he said as he gave a forceful yank against Lizzy's hair bringing her close to his wiry body. "Well this one is a better lay than your little sister, but trust me not by much...you could do better scrounging around on a street corner. But then she wouldn't have her easy access I guess...I'm guessing her bedroom's right next door."

"I'm telling you for the last time let her go."

"Or what, what are you going to do? Get blood on your hands for your whore, trust me bud she's not really worth it. And Lizzy I'm surprised at his loyalty, I mean you certainly don't have any...running away from your husband and into the hands of your lover." He said as he shook a finger in her face.

"It never stopped you. Besides I rather be his whore than your wife any day of the week." She said with a grimace, he slapped her across the face, hard, the noise echoing in the church, and in Will's heart.

It was more than even Will's resolve could bear and he charged George, knocking him flat with a left hook to the jaw, "Get up you pile of sewage, I want the pleasure of seeing you fall to the floor again." Said he as he towered over the cowering figure. George struggled to his feet, throwing a punch that connected with air, and received a stalwart fist in his stomach as a reward for his efforts.

Then as if fate itself lent a hand Lizzy eyes caught George reach for something inside his jacket and like a flash of lightning she stood between the two of them the barrel of George's gun pressed into her chest.

"Lizzy get out of the way." Will said a note of panic creeping into his voice.

"Will, please just get out of here...go back to Janna...please..." her voice resolute, yet the pleading that filled it could not be ignored.

"I'm not leaving without you Lizzy." He said his voice equally resolute.

"This is so touching really, but I don't think either of you will be leaving at least not on your own to feet." Yet George's careless smirk belied a note of desperation. His well-layed plan had crumbled to pieces, he could not leave here alive and he wouldn't get out the door without the police cutting him down in a matter of minutes.

It is said that the most desperate man is also the most dangerous.

"Go ahead George," said Lizzy as the gun still pressed into her flesh, "It would be the kindest thing you've ever done for me."

"As you wish dearest." He said as he cocked the gun, but then in one instant the gun and George went flying and the briefest of struggles ensued between Will and George each struggling for the gun that rested precariously between them.

And then two shots rang out. And the World Stood Still.

X

Posted on Sunday, 30 July 2000, at 8 : 59 p.m.

"WILL" it was more of a wail than a statement, more anguish than question. Lizzy couldn't remember her mouth forming the word, it was as if the tension in the room had just given birth to his name echoing about the vast church.

Lizzy could not breathe, nor cry...had she wanted to speak she couldn't have manuevered her lips. Everything was paralyzed, yet somehow she felt herself moving towards them, as if one moves through water. Slow and laborious, each contraction of the muscle acute and distinct.

George stumbled up, his back towards her, his head turned to catch her from the corner of his eye. A small trickle of blood oozed from his mouth, "whore," he spat at her before collapsing in a nearby pew.

Will rose unsteadily, his hand and shirt covered with George's blood, his palms open as the red fluid ran down his wrists. His face bore a look only describable as interminable horror, "Oh God," he cried almost in a daze as he looked upon his outstretched hands, as if they had been the proponents of the greatest of betrayals.

Then the tears that had welled up in Lizzy's very soul burst forth in an avalanche of sobs. Partially from grief, and it is a testament to the wonder of Lizzy's heart that she could still shed a tear for the man who had made her life a living hell. And partially from relief that Will was alright.

Yet to Will's much addled mind, her tears where only a further testament of his guilt. His twisted guilt ridden logic could only surmise that he had widowed the woman he loved, that he had killed a man with his own two hands. It would later be revealed the only prints on the trigger where that of George, Will's where only found on the barrel as he attempted to manuever the gun away from his own body. The shot that took his life had been fired by George's own hand.

"I'm sorry Lizzy I'm so so sorry." He cried as he turned away from her. Lizzy could not speak through her tears but even her conscious mind knew that words would be off no use. She turned him towards her and took the still extended hands which where still smeared with George's blood. The tears that fell in quick succession from her eyes fell into his palms, mingling with the red fluid and eventually washing it clean away. She drew his arms about her own waist and brought down his head to her shoulder.

A few racked sobs ushered forth from his body as she rocked him gently waiting for the quiet to overtake them. Lizzy drew them to one of the pews, content just to hold him until his grief had abated, yet his silence was unnerving.

As she pulled away from him slightly she noticed that the blood that appeared on Will's shirt was more somehow, almost as if...

"Lizzy I don't feel so good," he mumbled

Lizzy felt his shirt and the blood that pulsed out from the wound at his side.

"I'm so sleepy." He mumbled.

Panic gripped her heart like a cold claw squeezing the life out if it. "Will...hang on." She shook his body, "Will please hang on...please Will...I need you Will."

"I'm right here Lizzy" he mumbled with a dazed smile.

"I love you Will, I love you so much that it hurts." She said as she held onto him, trying desperately to press her hand to his side, to keep the life from draining from his body. She kissed him fully and wholly and proceeded to plant kisses all over his face.

"I love you Will, don't you dare leave me...don't you dare" she said as she held onto him. "Help me somebody please help me" she cried to the darkness.

"Lizzy I..." he began as a look of pain crossed his face,

"Shhh...don't talk, just hold on...please just hold on." She felt him grow weaker as she held him, "Will Darcy, you will not leave me...do you understand that? Think of Janna...she needs you Will, try for Janna...I need you Will, I need you."

She felt his body go lax and the cry that escaped her lips echoed throughout the hall, "somebody help me somebody please help me." Matched only by the hum of the sirens in the distance...

XI

Posted on Monday, 31 July 2000, at 10 : 39 p.m.

For anyone who has ever had the misfortune of being placed in the Emergency Room waiting area, there is no need to put into words the mix of utter despair and misplaced hope that fills the place to its very brim. For everyone else rest assured that it holds a terror unlike any other, a terror of the unknown. Mothers and siblings, fathers and friends wait with clutched hands, lovers and spouses offer up silent prayers, and others still are lost from this world, lost in the silent yet thorough contemplation of what lies behind the door.

Lizzy sat there in silence, or rather oblivion for the outside world was of no consequence. Yet, she thought of nothing either, she just sat there, waiting. Were an outsider to chance upon the scene they would have assumed that it had been she who had been shot, for her white blouse was soaked with Will's blood, her face drawn and pale and her eyes glazed over in a daze. She had somehow lost touch with the outside world when the paramedics had ripped her away from Will. She had held his hand throughout the ride, unsure of what incoherent nonsense she had mumbled to him, only sure that the swell of love that she felt for him as she squeezed his cold hand had been unequaled in her lifetime. Then as they had took him into the hospital, and into the emergency room something inside of her died as she watched them wheel him away from her and towards uncertainty.

That had been three hours ago, the doctors had said the procedure should take four hours or so and through greatest of difficulty Lizzy had managed to make it thus far. Somehow she had called Richard who was away at a conference in Cleveland and who would be flying in any moment now. She had called home and asked Rosa to stay the night with Janna. And then she had retreated back into her shell, watching the hand of the clock, willing it forward all the while dreading the finality of the future.

She couldn't really take it any longer, the uncertainty and more so the impotence she felt sitting here helpless while the man she loved fought for his life. There was only one thing she could do, and only one place she should be. Lizzy only stopped long enough to stop by the reception desk, assuring them that she'd be right back, and like a bolt of lightning she was off, heedless of the late hour, or the suspicious characters that littered the street like shiftless debris. She only saw one thing, the steeple of the church down the street, a symbol of her salvation.

A few police cars still surrounded the scene, and yellow police tape lined the premises, the young man who stood watch at the door was more than a little shocked to see the young woman standing at it's door. Lizzy's hair was windswept from running, her eyes glazed over, her face drawn, her cheeks pale, her shirt caked with blood, the side of her face beginning to bruise. "Excuse me Sir, could I get by?" she asked of him.

His orders had been to not let anyone in the crime scene, yet the sight of Lizzy made the sympathetic heart that beat beneath the blue uniform swell with empathy. "You can only stay a moment, and only at the back of the church."

She nodded and whispered her thanks and as she entered she felt a burden lift from her tired shoulders, the burden of impotence. She fell to her knees whither from exhaustion or grief or sheer need or perhaps a combination of the three. "Dear Lord, Today is the third time I have come to you in need, the first for absolution, the second for mercy, and today I have come merely to beg for your help. I ask you, I beseech you, I beg you to save my Will. I will do anything you ask, I'll give him up, I'll devote myself to helping others, anything. Dear Lord just spare his life, and I shall be in your debt for all eternity" she mumbled a few of the Lord's prayers and recited a few Hail Mary's. She made the sign of the cross and then as quickly as she came she took off once more towards the hospital, speeding against perhaps fate himself in a race for the love of her life.

What she expected back at the waiting room she was unsure of, but least of all what she saw. It was exactly as she had left it, the same eerie melancholy draping the room like a sheath. She settled back into her seat, attempting to regain some composure, and before long her thoughts reclaimed her.

"Ms. Bennet? Ms. Bennet?" came a voice breaking into her private reverie. Lizzy looked up to see two rather pretty young women attired in white coats looking down upon her.

"Yes, I'm Ms. Bennet. How is Will?"

"Ms. Bennet, I'm Dr. Kathleen Ellis and this is my student Tina. Mr. Darcy will be just fine, the surgery was very successful, and we've already moved him to a private room. He should be waking from the anesthesia in a couple of hours and we should have him up on his feet by this afternoon."

Both of Lizzy's hands flew to her mouth cupping it as not to release too great a burst of joy. "Thank you, thank you both so much she said as she embraced each young woman." She held back a happy sob, "when can I see him?"

"You can go in right now if you'd like, but there are still a lot of tubes and wires running through him, and we'll remove those as soon as he gains consciousness. His room is this way."

Lizzy was ushered down the hallway and up the elevator to a bright sunny room full of the light that dawn brings. Will lay there, his face no longer ashen...but still considerably weakened. Lizzy took his hand in hers, feeling a sense of relief flow through her body just to be near him once more. "Will, Will if you can hear me, it's Lizzy...thank you Will, thank you for fighting...thank you for not leaving us."

And she sat there for some time pressing his hand to her cheek, content that the world was right again, that she was once more in the presence of the man she loved above all things.

"Lizzy?"

"Richard!" She cried as she rose and went towards him, he enveloped her in a big brotherly hug.

"Lizzy, you're positively ragged....Oh God what did that monster do to you?" he asked as he saw the bruises that covered her arms and legs, and the one that had begun to turn purple beneath her jaw along with the bandages that covered the multiple cigarette burns and all the stitches that lined her brow.

"I'm alright Rich, He's dead, and he can't hurt me anymore, why should I dwell on it?" she said sadly.

"Lizzy you've got to get some rest."

"I want to stay here till Will wakes up."

"Elizabeth, I'm a doctor, and I'm telling you to go home for an hour, take a shower, lie down for a bit and bring Janna back. Will should be awake by then, and I'm sure he'd love to see her." He said persuasively.

"Well, I guess that I could maybe..."

"Maybe nothing...you're going home and I don't want to hear any buts about it. I'm going to go pick up Georgie from the airport, her plane should be here in about 35 minutes."

"Ok."

"That's my girl" he said as he gave Lizzy another hug and patted her hair affectionately, he felt a great swell of affection and empathy for the young woman.

"Bye Rich, I should be back in an hour then." She said as she brought Will's hands up to her lips and whispered a soft, "I love you."

An hour and half later Lizzy had changed and showered, her hair still clinging in damp tendrils about her face with a very sleepy little girl hanging about her neck. "Hi, I'm here to see Mr. William Darcy."

"I'm sorry Ma'am but you can't see him"

"Oh I know I'm not family but I'm his daughter's nanny and I think that he'd want to see her."

"No it's not that."

"Oh, then what is it?" she asked as fear gripped her once more.

"It's just that his fiance asked that they not be disturbed."

"Oh alright I'll wai...wait did you just say his 'fiance'?"

"Why yes, she's in there with him right now."

XII

Posted on Wednesday, 2 August 2000, at 2 : 07 a.m.

Caroline stepped out of the room and down to the hallway, to her credit she was genuinely pale and her eyes rimmed with unshed tears.

"Caroline...I didn't...I"

"What are you doing here?" she asked her eyes narrowing.

"I'm here to see Will and I..."

"I can't believe you had the audacity to come back here...to come back after you almost killed him. He pitied you...he helped you and this is how you repay him?"

"I didn't mean...."

"Does it really matter what you meant or what you didn't mean to do? All that matters is that Will is lying there injured, All that matters is that my Will almost died because of YOU" her voice raising.

Tears began to form in Lizzy's eyes she's right "Do you think I could go in and see him, just once?"

"You don't get it do you? He's awake, and he doesn't want to see you."

"Oh" she managed to choke out. "What about....what about..." she fought to keep her voice even, "what about Janna?"

"Oh yes, well....Janna is what 2 years old?"

"Three years and 8 months"

"Well, that's almost old enough for school, and besides after Will and I marry she'll have a mother."

"Oh"

"Now I suggest you leave and collect your things from Pemberley before I have them thrown into the street. Because Will is so benevolent I'm sure he'd want to allow you to stay the night there, so feel free to do so, but both of us want you gone by morning."

"Alright," she said as she fought back the tears that welled inside of her, "can I leave him a message?"

"Go ahead," she said with a bemused expression lining her face.

"Tell him, just tell him that I meant every word that I said in the church."

"Alright, now will you please go...or do I have to have security escort you out?"

"what about Janna?"

"Well you'll give her to me of course, Janna and I are great friends right" she said to the little girl who let out a small whimper at the sight of the heavily made up face leering down upon her.

"Can I have a minute with her?"

"I guess, but make it quick I have to get back to Will, he gets jittery if I leave him for more than a minute."

Lizzy kneeled to the floor, lowering Janna to the ground and bringing the little girl to eye level with her, "Janna I have to go now, and I'm not sure when I'll see you again. But it will be alright Sugar, you know why? Because you have your Daddy with you and you have my love tucked inside right here" she said as she touched the child's heart and tears began to stream down her face.

"Missy no cry. Missy no leave me." Whimpered the child as she wrapped her arms around Lizzy's neck.

"I have to baby, I have to go" she said with a sob as she held onto the girl tightly.

"No Missy no don't leave me pwease." She cried clutching her hair tightly.

"I love you Sugar, I love you so much."

"Enough of this Eliza, come on Janna. Wipe away those tears child, and stop bawling." Caroline said as she roughly yanked the child away. Leaving Janna to sob for her Missy and Lizzy kneeling there her arms outstretched aching for her child.

When Caroline and Janna reached the door to Will's room Caroline left the girl outside and threatened her with a spanking if she didn't dry her tears and put on a smiling face for Daddy.

"Oh Caroline it's you." Said Will weakly his heart sinking in disappointment.

"Yes, where you expecting someone else?"

"No...well...yes...I though Lizzy would..."

"Oh Will Lizzy did just come by...she left you a message."

"Oh what was it?" he said his heart soaring once more in hope.

"Well, I don't know how to tell you this Will but she came to say that she's leaving on tomorrows first flight to London. She says that she can't take it anymore and that she needs to start anew. Oh and she mentioned something else"

"What?" he croaked, for his voice had died with the hope inside of him.

"She said that last night in the church, she hadn't meant any of it...it was all jus a spur of the moment ruminations."

"Oh," he said as his heart began to crumble into a million little pieces

"I had asked her to bring Janna, but hospital policies won't allow any one under the age of six into the room until tomorrow."

"Oh....Caroline if you don't mind...um I would really like to be alone right now." He said as he leaned his head back against the pillow wincing with pain.

"Oh of course sweetie, I'll be outside if you need me." She said as she turned to leave, unable to smother the smile that had crept to her face.

Richard opened the door slowly, to see Will leaning heavily against the side of the bed, his eyes staring off into the distance, his face drawn a look of pain etched onto to it. "Will, Will how are you doing buddy?"

There was no response.

"Will, are you alright?"

"Oh Richard I didn't hear you, come in." came his ragged reply.

"Will how are you feeling? Don't worry we'll have you out of that bed by tonight and up and about by tomorrow. With your healthy body you should be out of here in a few days tops."

"Richard?"

"Yes?"

"I need a favor."

XIII

Posted on Thursday, 3 August 2000, at 12 : 24 a.m.

The church was damp and cool in the wee hours of morning, the only noise the hum of the engine of the cab that waited outside. Lizzy had collected all of her things amidst the daze that had encapsulated her since her meeting with Caroline. It had at first seemed so unreal, as if the conversation had never really taken place at all. As if at any moment she could return to the security of her family her family they had never really been her family to begin with. Yet as she had sat watching the dwindling glow of the citylights from her hotel, it had all become so painfully clear.

He had never loved her.

The delusion that he had had seeped itself into Lizzy's very soul, she had wanted it to be so badly that she had almost convinced herself that it was.

And now she was alone again.

Her flight was for early this morning, and there had been just one place that she had wanted to stop, one place that she had needed to go before she left.

The place where it had all begun, and where it had all ended.

Lizzy drew closer to the alter and kneeled upon it gently, "Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you today not to beg for help, or pray for your intervention. I come merely to do something that few of us rarely do, offer my thanks. Thank you for saving Will's life, I shall be in your debt for al time. And thank you Father for these past few precious months. They have given me enough joy to last a lifetime, and enough strength to bare any sorrow. I thank you for blessing me with such a beautiful child at last, at least I will have known what it is to love with your whole heart and nothing less. And I thank you for blessing me with Will, loving him has been my life's greatest honor. I always dreamed of white nights and passionate kisses as a girl, but for the rest of my life I'll dream of his smile and the touch of his hand. Thank You Lord, you have given me so much more than I deserve." She made the sign of the cross on her chest and rose, her heels tapping against the marble of the aisle.

Someone cleared their throat at the back of the church, causing Lizzy's heart to stop beating and to freeze her body in place at the doorway.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't help overhearing your confession"

"Will! What are you doing out of bed, you need to be in the hospital." She cried as she rushed towards him.

"I signed over Pemberley and custody of Janna to Richard as a guarantee I wouldn't be gone over an hour. I had to come Lizzy"

"Please Will spare me your pity...I don't deserve it." She said her head hanging down as he moved towards her laboriously, "I almost killed you Will, and I'm so so so sorry, You've been so kind to me...and this is how I repay you. Please don't be kind to me...I can't take it."

"Why are you leaving?" he asked soothingly as he came by her side.

"Because I can't bare to watch you live your life with someone else," she said as a tear fell down her cheek. "Because I can't bare to see my family replace me, except it's not my family any..." Here she was stopped as Will leaned down and gently placed his lips upon hers.

"...more" she finished breathlessly as he pulled away.

"If you insist," he said as he drew her waist towards him. This time she didn't hesitate to wrap her arm gently around his back and bring her hand up to his cheek.

And it was as if time had never passed them by...for a brief moment they where back in Lizzie's dorm room...

And it was magical...

The fireworks that Will felt at her touch magnified a thousand fold as his lips pressed gently against hers. Her heart beat so wildly that she feared that it would just skip several beats altogether. The kiss could only be said to improve upon the perfection of their last by being made sweeter after all the bitterness they had survived together. It was some time before he released, and Lizzy's hand remained on his cheek, her head buried in the folds of his blue woolen robe.

"Will what about Car..." she was interrupted by his finger on her lips.

"Before you say anything can I say something?" she nodded her head in agreement. "Lizzy, I love you. I hope that my recollections of last night, and what you said just now aren't just figments of my imagination, because I want you to love me so much who knows what lengths my mind would go to. " she let out a small giggle.

"It wasn't your imgaination," she said as she drew his hand to her mouth and kissed his palm.

"Do you have any conception of how long I've loved you?"

"Yesterday?" she asked bringing his head down for a kiss.

"Longer"

"The day we met in the church?" he shook his head negatively.

"Longer"

"In my dorm room?"

"Longer."

"Well that was the first time you ever saw me silly, unless you're thinking of someone else."

"The first time I ever saw you was a few months before that night, I was walking through the park across from your dorm and I saw you sitting there by the swings, your luggage piled neatly at your feet, gazing at the small children playing on the equipment. The sparkle in your eyes, the color in your cheek, you where the most beautiful thing I had ever seen." He said as he brushed away a curl at her forehead. "I had always thought that the concept of love at first sight was a joke, and then when I saw you...when I saw you...I just knew."

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked as she played with the hair at the back of his neck as she leaned against his broad chest.

"Because I was on my way to see Anne, and by the time I had gotten hold of my facilitites to actually speak with you, you where gone. My heart told me to chase after you, but I couldn't stand Anne up. I think I regretted not running after your cab every single day...every day until I came to your dorm room that night."

"I think I fell in love with you when I saw you standing there looking like you stepped out of the catalog for the Harvard crew team, and I knew I loved you when you barely stammered out a greeting." She said with a shy smile.

"I felt as if fate was playing a cruel game with me, here was the girl of my dreams standing before me. And I was engaged to her best friend, I was engaged to the best human being I had ever known...and the dearest friend I had ever had. But I loved you. And I was torn in ways that are difficult to describe."

"So that kiss wasn't a mistake?" she said as she kissed his neck, just loving the feel of his warm skin against her lips.

"It was the greatest single moment of my life, perhaps en par with the day we got Janna. When I saw you again in the church, it was as if hope had given my heart wings and fate had allowed me to breathe again once more."

"You are my salvation Will, I prayed that night for salvation and what I got was you." She said as she kissed him, "You and Janna are my everything."

"Would you condescend to marrying a bruised and beaten man dressed in a bathrobe?"

"Only if he was you" she said as she kissed him again.

"So is that a yes?"

"What do you think?" she said as he wrapped his arms about her.

"I don't even have a ring."

"Yes I imagine there aren't many jewelry stores in the ER, but Will I already have everything I need" she said as she held him tight....

"The feeling is definitely mutual." He said as he sealed their bond with a kiss...

An Epilogue

"Mommy I can hear it kicking." Said Janna as she looked up at Lizzy with a face so full of awe and wonder. It still made her heart melt every time Janna called her 'mommy' It had been a year and a half since the day that Elizabeth had given up her father's name and become a Darcy in St. Mary's cathedral. Her mother had begged her to marry in London so that all of her society friends could attend the lavish affair, but Lizzy had insisted to be married in a place that had played so central a figure in her love story.

Now as Janna's ear was pressed firmly to Lizzy's swelling belly Lizzy felt a sweet contentment with the life that she lived, a loving daughter, a son on the way, and a husband whom she adored more with every passing day.

"Has anyone seen Daddy's little Princess?" came Will's voice from downstairs.

"Check the dungeon" cried Janna her voice full of mirth.

"I checked already and a dragon tried to eat me" said will, which produced a massive giggle in Janna.

"Check the gardens"

"I checked already, and a wolf tried to eat me" he called from the stairway. Janna dissolved into a fit of jubilant five year old laughter.

"Then check the Queen's chamber." She said in a sing song voice between giggles.

"Aaaahhh....I see the Princess is keeping company with the beautiful Queen" he said as he swooped down to scoop up his daughter and kiss his glowing wife in one swift motion.

"Ew...that's GROSS" cried Janna from atop her father's shoulders.

"Oh really?" asked William as he kissed his wife again.

"Yes you two kissy faces" the child cried as she made a pair of kissing lips.

"Well I think you're gross." Said Lizzy with a smile.

"No you don't you love me." She said with a giggle.

"Oh Ms. Confident you really think so." Said Will as he grabbed his little girl from his shoulders and proceeded to tickle her furiously. "Now who wants to go learn to ride a bike?" he asked to Lizzy.

"I do I do" Janna cried.

"Do you hear anything?" asked Lizzy looking around.

"I said I do" said the little girl.

"I don't hear anything," said Will with a roguish smile.

"Can I please ride the bike Mommy?" asked Janna as she wrapped her arms about Lizzy's neck.

"Well there's my little Angel, now where did you run off to?" asked Lizzy as she suppressed a giggle.

"I didn't go anywhere." Said Janna as she put her little hands on her hips.

"Ok but if you want to ride your bike you must go change into some shorts."

"But I like this dress." Said Janna as she twirled about in a pink concoction her Grandmother had sent her.

"Yes but if you like it you wouldn't want it to get torn while you're riding so go change."

"Ok," she said with a grin.

"Wait a minute did you forget something?" asked Lizzy as she pointed to her cheek.

"Oh yes, I forgot. I love you Mommy" she said as she kissed Lizzy's cheek and squeezed her tightly, "and I love you too William Byron Darcy." She said as she hugged Lizzy's stomach.

Will had been watching the scene with an over powering feeling of amusement and above all contentment. He quirked his eyebrows, "Byron?"

"Well of course Will, "I Knew It was Love..."

"...and I Felt it Was Glory." He finished before he proceeded to kiss his beautiful wife deeply.

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