Death is just around the corner

Morticia:

My daughter's getting married.

I can't believe it's true.

She doesn't ask her parents

before she says "I do".

And what about my husband?

Oblivious, naive.

This evening's getting serious:

these Ohioans won't leave.

But I can't let these latest problems

rob me of my bliss.

For when I'm scared of true disaster,

I remember this:

Death is just around the corner

waiting patiently to strike.

One unplanned electrocution

that's the kind of end

I can comprehend.

When I'm feeling uninspired

Or I need a little spree

I'm reborn knowing

death is just around the corner

coming after me.

(spoken) Get it? Coroner. Death is just around the... corner.

Death is just around the corner

Waiting high upon the hill

Someone buried in an avalanche (gasp)

that's the kind of gig

I can really dig.

Marriage often disappoints you.

Not each husband is a gem.

So I'll mourn

knowing death is just around the corner

coming after them.

If life's all plums

I'll muddle through some.

But when death comes

I hope it's gruesome. (hot-cha)

Some people die from public stoning,

faulty wiring, faulty zoning,

cherry pits they didn't know were there. (choking noise)

It could be by a jungle cat

Female Ancestor:

A slippery mat.

Male Ancestor:

A baseball bat.

Morticia:

Perhaps an unsuccessful love affair. (crying noise)

It could be on a speeding train,

It could be underwater.

It could be too much Novocain

or even by your daughter.

Female Ancestor:

Perhaps a bad mosquito bite.

Male Ancestor:

A title fight.

Female Ancestors:

Religious rite.

Morticia:

My darlings, it might even be tonight.

Death is just around the corner

no one's ever been immune.

Turning off a respirator

with a simple click

strenuously quick.

I can face a new tomorrow

if I make it past today.

I feel good saying

death is just around the corner

simply on its way.

Death is just around the corner

and you have to heed the call.

(Don't ask why)

For your death is just around the corner

(You and I)

Happy being both the mourned and mourner

(Say goodbye)

Because death is just around the corner

coming for us all.