Storyid: 4850936

FanFiction.net

Name: Life, Liberty and Pursuit

Author: aerosoldoc

Chapter 1 to 23

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Chapter: 1

Author's Note: Stephanie Meyer (genius, goddess) owns all things Twilight. I own this story.

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Chapter 1 – Moonlight

EPOV

The boat was gently rising and falling as we made our way out of the bay and towards the open water. I had wanted to come to the bow of the ship ever since we had boarded, but had to wait until everyone was settled. I had suffered through dinner with my family and now I finally had time alone. The moon was nearly full, reflecting off the waves like shimmering silver fish just below the surface.

Shortly after boarding I had studied and memorized the ship’s floor plans, which was no small feat given there were over 15 decks. I had already decided that Deck 4, one of the pool decks, had the most forward position and would provide the best unobstructed view of the sea. I had underestimated just how far above the sea I would be—with several decks still below me, I was easily fifty feet above the water. These cruise ships were just enormous, as big as an aircraft carrier. I loved it.

The sea spray didn’t come close to reaching me, but the air was still filled with the salty smell of the open ocean. The ship was going only about 5 to 10 knots as we moved out of the bay. The steady breeze blew warm tropical air through my light shirt and my unzipped jacket whipped gently around my waist. Once we got out on the open water, it would probably be too windy to stay above deck. At least I would be able to enjoy it while it lasted.

I closed my eyes, lifted by the smell, the gentle whoosh sound of the waves far below, and the serenity of the empty deck. I had halfway expected company on deck when I went came up, but I was pleasantly surprised to find it deserted. From my perch at the bow, no passengers or crew in sight either above or below, the Miss Liberty could have been a ghost ship swiftly sailing out into unknown waters. I had been very much against the idea when mom proposed we take this cruise, relenting only because she wanted one last family outing before Alice and I left home. But a few nights like this would make up for having to tolerate the family-cruise-director-time during the day.

I took a deep breath of that ocean air, opened my eyes, and turned to fish my iPod out of the flapping pocket of my jacket. A little Debussy would fit just right. As I turned I saw someone—a girl—standing down the port side of the ship, just under the overhang from the deck above. With the glare of the moon and the shadows falling on her face, it was difficult to see her. She probably wanted to come outside for fresh air, as I had. Just as I was about to wave to let her know I wasn’t some kind of creep, she ducked her head and turned away. She quickly crossed to the other side of the deck, going under the overhang. Guess I scared her off. Good job, Edward.

I turned back to trying to capture my iPod, when I heard a slight muffled sound and a splash coming from the back of the deck. I froze, listening—a sloshing sound, coming from the direction of the pool? My feet were running before the thought formed in my head—did she fall into the pool? It was only 20 yards to the pool, another 10 down the side. The pool was inky black with a sheen of moonlight obscuring the water. I could barely see her, ghostly white hands thrashing, already under the surface and swallowed by the blackness.

My EMT training kicked in—I needed a floatation device, a life buoy, or anything that would float. A drowning person will grasp and pull down on anything they can reach—it was reflexive and they couldn’t control it. If I went in after her without one, we would both drown. My eyes raked the deck, covered with cushionless chairs and tables. There—hanging on the wall just outside the pool house. I grabbed the ring and dashed back to where I had seen her hands. There was nothing but black churning water. I jumped in.

The water was shockingly cold for a warm summer night. I was blinded by the water and the dark. With one arm hooked around the ring, I flailed around with my free arm, trying to find her. Suddenly I felt her hands bashing against my arm, grasping for something. Pulling the ring down under the water with me, I quickly evaded her grasp, reaching down to firmly grab her around her waist. Arm locked around her, face turned away as she grabbed panic-stricken at my shoulders and head, I kicked towards the surface. As we broke through the water, she finally got a firm hold on my shirt. She was clutching at my shoulders, coughing, choking and spitting up pool water. We weren’t far from the edge of the pool.

“You’re okay. I’ve got you,” I murmured softly to the side of her head, trying to calm her as she gasped for air. With a couple kicks, I towed her to the edge, and tossed the ring up on deck. Her body was convulsing with coughs, but I still had a good grip on her. Holding her tightly around the waist, I heaved myself up on deck and then hauled her up with both hands and gently laid her on the deck.

Oh my God, she’s beautiful.

Her soaked shirt clung to her pale skin, both shimmering white in the moonlight, like some ethereal doll. Her shorts revealed long legs that stretched out, ending in delicate feet—one with a red Keds tennis shoe, the other being lost to the pool. She was shaking violently with her continued coughing and sputtering.

You idiot! You’re supposed to be saving her, not ogling her!

I rolled her on her side, letting her hang her head down to the deck as she continued to cough up pool water. If she had swallowed a substantial amount she might throw up, and I didn’t want her choking. Her long dark hair was splayed across her face, hiding it. I carefully swept the wet hair off her face and tucked it back behind her head. She was shivering. My jacket was soaked, but it was lightweight and would at least provide a wind barrier. I shrugged it off, shook it once to get the water off, and laid it over her.

She was still coughing and gasping as I quietly said, “We need to get you out of the wind.” I quickly scooped her up, silently thanking Emmett for the brutal workouts he had put me through these last three months. She felt light and I easily carried her to the pool house a couple yards away. I set her down on a bench inside, out of the wind.

There were stacks of pool towels at the desk, waiting for the next day’s tourists. I grabbed two and wrapped them around her, one over the other, front to back. I didn’t like the way she continued gasping for breath.

“Can you talk?” I asked, knowing that talking meant enough breath to be out of danger of needing some kind of respiratory help.

She nodded, still shaking and wheezing. I repressed a smile.

“Please say something,” I asked again.

“No,” she said, between coughs.

“No?” I almost laughed, unable to stop the grin now.

“No, thank you?” she coughed out.

I laughed out loud then. She was in shock. I tried to reign in my laughter—it wasn’t kind to laugh at near-drowning victims who were in shock. She seemed to be able to speak, so she wasn’t in imminent danger. Her coughing was starting to settle a little. Still, she needed to see a doctor.

I stood up, saying “We need to get you to the ship’s doctor.” I held my hands out to help her up. “Can you walk?”

She nodded, taking my hands and standing up. I decided I had better help her with the walking part, just in case her shock went into overdrive. I pulled one of her hands over my shoulders, hooked around my neck, and slipped my other arm back around her waist holding her firmly to my side. It was a good thing I did, because just then her knees completely buckled.

“Whoa, steady!” I said. “We can do this, just lean on me.” I held her tightly, feeling the shaking of her cold body on my side, and started walking us to the back of the pool house. I knew there were stairs just outside the door that would take us down one level. The ship’s doctor was on that level, on the starboard side if I remembered correctly. She seemed to strengthen a little as we hobbled our way towards the stairs.

Through the door and into the hall, I stopped at the top of the stairs. They looked extremely steep for us to negotiate in her still shaky condition. I decided it would probably be better if I carried her again. It would have been more stable if I had carried her over my shoulder, but I didn’t think her stomach could take it. Without a word I released her hand and bent down and scooped her up under the backs of her knees. As I straightened up, suddenly her face was only inches from mine and I felt the air go out of me as I looked into the warmest brown eyes I have ever seen. I stared dumbly at her for a moment, until another coughing fit took hold of her and she turned her head into my shoulder. Released from her gaze, I tried to remember what I was doing.

Don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip, I thought on my way down the stairs, holding tightly to her as she continued coughing, then gasping for air, and then coughing again. Finally we were down the stairs. I set her down again, stealing a look at her face as I hooked her arm over the back of my neck. I half-carried her down the starboard hall towards what I hoped was the infirmary. Her skin was luminously pale, even inside with the warm cabin lights. Her wet hair was plastered all over her head and clung to the contours of her neck and throat. She looked like a drowned cat, and she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had a determined look on her face and didn’t look at me again until we reached the door of the doctor’s office.

The door to the infirmary was only slightly open. I kicked it open the rest of the way, revealing a very small cabin. It was stuffed with a raised cot, a desk bolted to the floor, and a few cabinets hopefully filled with medical supplies. I was not impressed. At the desk sat a short, older woman with unnaturally red hair tied up neatly in a bun on top of her head. Margery Cope, R.N. read the nameplate on her desk.

“Oh my! What happened to you, dears?” said nurse Cope, startled by our sudden appearance. She hastily put down the romance novel she was reading and scurried around the edge of the desk.

“She fell in the pool,” I explained quickly. “I think she may have taken in some pool water.” I watched nurse Cope carefully, unsure of the quality of medical care my patient was about to receive.

“Come, sit down, dear,” Ms. Cope said, soothingly, guiding her to the cot. “What is your name?”

“Bella,” she managed to get out in between coughs. Bella—what an interesting name. She was still coughing, more sporadically and with less intensity, but I didn’t like it. I considered calling my father.

“Is there a physician on staff on the ship?” I asked, trying not to sound too urgent.

“Well, yes, but first I think we need to take a look at Bella, before we call the doctor,” replied Ms. Cope with a somewhat disparaging look at me. I didn’t really care if she felt I was encroaching on her territory—I wanted a real doctor to take a look at Bella.

“Can I use your phone?” I asked, already moving to the table.

“Um, okay,” she said, turning back to Bella and removing the towels that were still draped around her. “I’m going to listen to your breathing, dear,” she said as she fumbled around for her stethoscope.

I was already dialing our room number and my father, Carlisle, picked up immediately. As quietly as I could, I said, “Dad, I have a patient for you. I need you to come down to the infirmary.”

One thing I loved about my father was that he always took me seriously. Mom would have panicked first, asked several questions, and then finally gotten to the business at hand. Dad simply said, “It’s on the third deck, right?”

“Right. Starboard side, near the front of the ship.”

“I’ll be right there,” he said, and hung up before I had a chance to say ‘thanks’.

Ms. Cope had managed to get her stethoscope out and was listening to Bella’s breathing. Bella was staring determinedly at the floor, trying to take deep breaths at the nurse’s commands, but was continually interrupted by further coughing. I looked her over carefully. She was very pale, but I wasn’t sure that that wasn’t her normal coloring. She still looked a little shaky, but overall seemed unnaturally calm for having just nearly drowned. She had no right to be so beautiful, just sitting there soaked, clinging to my jacket.

Ms. Cope had finished her fussing. “Your lungs sound clear, Bella. I think with a bit of rest, you’re going to be fine.” She turned away to put away her stethoscope and pick up the wet towels. Bella then looked up at me and got the strangest look on her face. Her eyes went wide and she seemed as if she was about to keel over. In an instant I was by her side, just as she started to tip sideways. I caught her by the shoulders and steadied her, holding her to my side with my arm wrapped around her waist again. Her head slumped against my shoulder, and I thought for a moment she was passing out. But then she steadied herself, placing her hand on my chest to hold herself up. She lifted her head up and shook it a little, seeming to try to clear it.

She looked up into my face and I was captured by those warm brown eyes again.

“You okay?” I asked softly, my voice somehow lost.

“Dizzy,” she replied softly, looking deeply into my eyes until another coughing fit took hold of her. Dizzy…I didn’t like the sound of that. Just then, to my immediate relief, my father walked into the small cabin, knocking softly on the door as he did.

“Edward, is this our patient?” he asked with that gentle bedside manner voice that I recognized so well. He looked over Bella briefly and then glanced at nurse Cope, who was staring at Carlisle with something between outrage and attraction. With his boyish good looks, blonde hair and tall, lanky build, he tended to send women’s hearts aflutter. My father especially seemed to inspire that reaction in nurses of all ages, much to my mother’s amusement. I imagined she would have been less amused if my father had ever shown any interest in anyone but her.

“I’m Dr. Carlisle Cullen,” he explained quickly. “Do you mind if I take a look at our patient?” he asked, beaming a smile at the befuddled nurse. She shook her head slightly, breathless. In two steps he was at Bella’s side.

“Bella fell in the pool—I think she may have ingested some pool water,” I briefed him. Looking at her still encased in my arms, and not really wanting to let her go, I added by way of explanation, “I think she’s dizzy.” She shook her head and pulled away from me, showing the good doctor that she could sit up on her own. Reluctantly, I released her.

“Well, Bella, do you mind if I take a look at you, to see how you’re doing?” he asked gently, setting his black bag down next to her and taking out his stethoscope. She nodded her assent. I stepped back to give them room, watching her carefully in case she decided to take another head-dive off the cot. But now that Carlisle was here, I was sure that she would be okay. He was the finest doctor in Forks, Washington, our hometown—but he could easily have been head physician at any hospital he chose.

He quickly, soothingly, checked her breathing and her pupils. He asked her to count his fingers and answer some standard questions, checking for concussion or oxygen deprivation.

“What day is it?” he asked, checking her pupil dilation once again with a flashlight.

“Flag Day,” she answered.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows, glancing quickly at me. I tried not to smile.

“Flag Day?” he asked, looking back at Bella.

“Saturday?” she tried again. “June fourteenth,” she stated finally.

Carlisle smiled, looking relieved. I glanced at the calendar Ms. Cope had hanging on the wall. I knew it was Saturday, but I honestly didn’t know if it was the fourteenth or not. I smiled involuntarily when I saw small red letters on the calendar—Flag Day.

Looking back at her and grinning, she glanced at me before looking back at Carlisle.

“Well, Bella, I think you’re going to be fine. You’re going to need some warm clothes and a long rest. But if you have any trouble breathing, or start to feel dizzy again, I want you to call me immediately. Do you understand?” She nodded. “Are you traveling with your parents?” he asked.

Bella nodded and whispered in a hoarse voice, “Cabin 535.”

“Nurse, could you please ring Bella’s parents and ask them to come get her?” Carlisle commanded, and the nurse immediately got on the phone and started calling.

Carlisle, having packed up his bag, turned to me and looked at me as if to say “Are you all right?” I nodded and said, “I’ll stay until Bella’s parents arrive.”

He nodded and then smiled warmly at Bella. “Goodbye, Bella. The next time I see you, I expect you to be completely recovered, okay?”

She smiled weakly and nodded as Carlisle left the infirmary. I went to stand closer to her again, telling myself that I wanted to make sure the she didn’t faint, or worse. She didn’t seem to mind, smiling at me in between coughs, but not speaking. In short order, a tall solidly built man rushed into the small cabin, which hardly seemed big enough to hold him. He didn’t look old enough to be Bella’s father, but his wildly panicked look left few other possibilities.

“Bella!” he croaked out, rushing to her side. “Are you okay?” He threw his arms around her, a little too roughly for my taste given her condition, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“I’m fine, Phil, really,” she said, smiling grimly, gasping a little.

“But the nurse said you almost drowned!” He was definitely panicking. I decided it was time to jump in.

“Um, the doctor was just here, and he said she was going to be fine,” I said, trying to be soothing.

He looked at me strangely. “Who are you?” he asked, just a little suspiciously.

“My name is Edward Cullen, sir. I, um, helped Bella when she fell in the pool.”

“Oh,” he said, trying to process this. “You rescued Bella?” he asked, putting two and two together.

“Um…” I started, not wanting to make a big deal of this, but before I could say anything I was wrapped in the same bear hug that Bella had just endured.

“Thanks, kid!” he said, enthusiastically, causing me to smile a little in spite of the utter embarrassment of the situation. When he released me, I could see that Bella had her face in her hands. Phil was drawn back to her as well.

“Bella, honey, are you okay?” he asked again.

“I’m okay, Phil. I just need…” she paused to cough again, “…to get some warm clothes.”

“Right, yeah, come on honey, let’s get you back to the cabin. Your mom is freaking out, anyway.”

Her eyes went wide. “You told her?”

He held his hands out, looking helpless in spite of his massive size. “She picked up the phone! It was all I could do to keep her in the cabin while I came to get you.”

Bella rolled her eyes and made to get up off the cot. I could see how unsteady she was and quickly held her by the elbow, one hand at the small of her back to steady her. Phil gave me a strange look and wrapped his arm protectively around Bella.

“Thanks, um…” he fished for my name.

“Edward.”

“Right, thanks, Edward. I’ve got it from here.” He guided her toward the door, holding her more firmly now, obviously sensing how unsteady she still was. She glanced back at me as they headed out the door, a small smile on her face. I felt an odd emptiness when they were gone. I just stood there for a moment, collecting my thoughts, and then decided that perhaps I could use some dry clothes as well. I left Carlisle and Esme’s cabin number with nurse Cope, in case Bella needed further medical assistance. I wound my way back through the ship to the cabin I shared with Emmett, exhaustion descending on me like the night.

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Chapter: 2

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Chapter 2 – Darkness

BPOV

I knew this was a bad idea, but I just now understood the full wrongness of it. When my mom suggested that we take a cruise to celebrate my high school graduation and eighteenth birthday, I protested, but not too strongly given that I would be leaving soon enough for college. What was she going to do after I left? Phil was nice enough, but was he really going to be able to take care of my mom? He was gone at training camp half the time. It seemed problematic at best. Then, when they decided to get married, my mom seemed to think a Caribbean cruise was just the right thing for a honeymoon. If it was possible to feel like more of a third wheel, I couldn’t imagine it.

At least they let me have my own cabin. As soon as we boarded, I hid out in there for a while, trying to establish the fact that I would not be hanging out with them every second of this four day cruise. I had brought a backpack full of paperbacks, armed and ready for long stretches of alone time. After the hectic end of school—finals and graduation parties and more graduation parties—I was ready for some relaxation time anyway. I suffered through dinner, where Phil and mom made honey eyes at each other and talked about all the fun things they were planning for us to do. The first thing on the agenda was, apparently, some kind of show involving comedy at the Latin-themed lounge. I cringed at the thought of it. I begged off, claiming that I was tired. I was finally free to roam the ship a little.

It was huge. I should have brought a map, knowing how little sense I could make of my own neighborhood in Phoenix, much less a completely unknown 15-deck cruise ship. The brochures had all claimed that this was a ‘motionless’ ship—as if one would not be able to feel the slow steady change in the orientation of the floor every few seconds. Fortunately there were handholds everywhere, and as long as I kept a steady hand on some surface I was generally okay to walk.

There was certainly a lot to see—rock climbing walls, theatres, TVs and all manner of pools scattered everywhere. I passed what looked like a miniature-golf course and made a mental note to use that as an excuse later, when I needed to escape the Renee-and-Phil love fest. There seemed to be a large number of tucked away couches and small sitting spots that would be ideal for curling up with one of my books during the day—lost amongst the literally thousands of other souls on this enormous ship.

I made my way forward—at least, I think it was forward—towards the front of the ship. I wondered what the view would be like out on deck. I planned on staying far away from the edge—no sense in tempting fate there—but I thought I could at least get a view of the ocean before I retired to my room and Wuthering Heights for the night.

I found an exit door to the outside deck and was met with a blast of salty ocean air. With a firm grip on the inside wall railing, I figured the front of the ship must be up ahead, since the wind was gusting from that direction. I guessed that the ship had set sail for the open seas. I remembered reading something about most of the traveling occurring at night, while the passengers slept. We must be picking up speed, having left Port Canaveral several hours ago.

I worked my way along the side of the ship, softly lit with deck lighting along the outside railing and intermittent spots from cabin and lounge windows along the way. As I came to the end of the walkway, I could see the front of the ship up ahead. A full moon behind me lit up the entire seascape, giving the water and decks a silver glow. And then I saw him.

Oh my god, he’s gorgeous.

At the very front of the deck stood an unnervingly attractive man. He was angled away from me, staring out at the water ahead, so I openly gaped at him. He had untidy, bronze-colored hair that shone in the moonlight and waved slightly in the breeze. His lanky, trim body was perfectly proportioned, modestly dressed in long khaki pants, an open collared shirt and a light jacket that flapped in the wind. But his face…it was astonishingly beautiful. His eyes were closed and his face was upturned as if he was drinking in the night air, reveling in the salt breeze on his face. It was almost too beautiful to be real, as if Apollo had alighted on the boat and was worshipping Diana, the moon goddess, from afar.

Just then he turned and looked straight at me. I started, shocked out of my mindless ogling and horrified that he had just caught me staring at him, mouth hanging open and probably drooling as well. I froze for a moment, as he continued to stare at me. Extreme embarrassment finally unlocked my limbs—I dropped my head and turned quickly to cross the deck away from him. I ducked under an overhang, which cast some deep shadows. Grateful that the moon was behind me, I hoped that I had made my escape into the shadows before he could really see me.

As I scrambled to find a door, some entrance back into the safety of the ship’s cabins, my foot caught on something and suddenly I was falling. Somehow I kept falling, longer than I should have, and then I was in the water. It seemed impossible—I was in the middle of the deck—how could I possibly have fallen off the boat? The chill of the water was shocking and complete darkness enveloped me. I fought to find the surface, but there was nothing but inky blackness all around me. I thrashed wildly with my hands, still trying to find the surface, my lungs starting to scream with the need for air. There was nothing but water, dark and cold, and it started to force its way into my mouth as I involuntarily opened it with a panicked scream that went nowhere. I choked on the water that was filling my throat and continue to writhe around, trying to find something, anything to grab onto…

Suddenly I banged my frantic hands against something hard—but then it was gone. I flailed around some more. Something was here and I had to find it again. I choked as water seemed to pour down my throat, sapping my strength and dragging me down. Then something grabbed me around the waist and I was being hauled—up or down, I wasn’t sure—and I felt something, someone, clinging onto me. In the utter blackness I couldn’t see anything, but I tried to grasp onto something, finally grabbing hold of some fabric. We broke through the surface and I was able to gasp some air. I was choking, panicked because I couldn’t get the water out of my throat. My shoulders were heaving with the violence of the coughing, but somehow he still held onto me, dragging me to the side of the pool.

He was whispering in my ear, but I couldn’t understand the words. I realized that I must have fallen in one of the dozens of pools, and someone had come and rescued me. I was still coughing and sputtering violently when he pulled me from the pool and gently laid me on the deck. He rolled me over so that my face was hanging down and I felt as if I was going to throw up. He held my hair back from my face and that’s when the wind started to cut through me. I shivered, shaking from head to toe. He put something over me, like a blanket, and whispered, “We need to get you out of the wind.”

I was moving through the air, and I realized he must have picked me up. I finally saw him—a pale angel face, brow furrowed in worry, gliding me across the deck and into the deckhouse. It was him. Oh God, I thought, first I gawk at him, and then I fall in the pool. My mortification was complete. I continued to stare at him, captured by the intense beauty of his face. My coughing interrupted my ogling as he carried me inside the pool house, out of the wind, and set me down on a bench inside. A wave of nausea gripped me again. He was gone for a moment, returning with towels which he gingerly wrapped around me.

“Can you talk?” he asked me. I was still shaking and gasping for breath, feeling a horrible ache in the pit of my stomach. I was terrified that if I spoke I would throw up on him. I nodded, and he seemed to think that was funny.

“Please say something,” he asked again.

I coughed, said “No,” and coughed again. I could feel the nausea rising in me.

“No?” he grinned at me, obviously amused now.

“No, thank you?” I coughed out, hoping desperately he would stop this inquisition so I wouldn’t lose my dinner all over him. He laughed, but stopped asking. My breath caught at the musical sound of his laughter, and my coughing subsided for a moment.

He stood up, and his soaked clothes only served to highlight how amazingly gorgeous he was. The reflected moonlight shone on his white shirt, nearly transparent now with pool water. He was saying something about getting a doctor, but I was too distracted by his face to understand his words. He was holding his hands out to me.

“Can you walk?” he asked and I took his hands automatically, nodding and standing up, my body responding before my mind had any thoughts about it. He pulled one of my hands over his shoulders, hooking my arm around the back of his neck, and slipped his other arm around my back, gripping me around my waist again. I was pressed against the side of his body…I felt all the air go out of me and my knees go weak. He had literally made me swoon.

“Whoa, steady!” he said. “We can do this, just lean on me.” There was nothing I wanted more than to lean on him, but I had to get a grip. Just because the man was dazzlingly attractive was no reason to faint at his incredibly warm touch. He held me tighter, and my body literally shook in response. My head was starting to swim.

Buck up, Bella! Don’t embarrass yourself, again, girl!

He started walking us toward the back of the pool house. I resolved to not faint and not throw up, if it was at all humanly possible. We hobbled through the door and toward a flight of stairs. He stopped, scooping me up behind the knees, and suddenly his face was only a few inches from mine. I stared at him. For the first time, I saw his eyes—they were an intense green than seemed to see right into me. Another coughing fit seized me and I buried my head in his shoulder, trying not to embarrass myself further by staring so baldly at him. He seemed to carry me effortlessly down the stairs. The scent of his skin as my face pressed into his shoulder was starting to overwhelm me. Just in time, we reached the bottom and he set me down again.

I was determined to get wherever we were going without swooning again—and that was only going to happen if I didn’t look at him—so I stared forward until we reached a small door. He continued helping me walk, kicking open the door to what had to be the doctor’s office. It was a small cabin, with what looked like a nurse sitting at a desk.

“Oh my! What happened to you, dears?” she said as we entered.

“She fell in the pool,” he explained. “I think she may have taken in some pool water.”

He sounded so calm—his lilting voice had a soothing effect on me.

“Come, sit down, dear,” the nurse said, guiding me to the cot. “What is your name?”

“Bella,” I said, in between coughs and gasps. I sat on the raised cot, feeling a little steadier with every passing moment. It helped that his body was no longer pressed against me.

“Is there a physician on staff on the ship?” he asked, sounding impatient.

“Well, yes, but first I think we need to take a look at Bella, before we call the doctor,” the nurse replied.

“Can I use your phone?” he asked, as she started removing the towels around me.

“Um, okay,” she mumbled, fumbling around for her stethoscope. “I’m going to listen to your breathing, dear.” She asked me to take deep breaths, but each time I tried just brought another round of coughing. At least the nausea had subsided somewhat—I didn’t feel I was in imminent danger of throwing up, but the shivering was getting out of control. I clenched my hands around each arm, hugging myself to try to keep from shaking so hard that my teeth chattered.

“Your lungs sound clear, Bella,” the nurse was saying. “I think with a bit of rest, you’re going to be fine.”

As the nurse turned away, I looked up and realized that he was staring at me. Not just staring, but boring a hole right through me with his brilliant green eyes. My heart stuttered with the intensity of his look. I didn’t realize I had stopped breathing until the room started to spin. I had the most amazing feeling of falling through space, and suddenly he was there catching me. Again. He held my shoulders and righted me, pulling me close to his side and wrapping his arm around my waist. Still dizzy, my head banged against his shoulder. I placed my hand on his chest to steady myself, shaking my head, trying to clear it.

Here I was, touching him again. I looked up into his face. That was a mistake. I was captured by those eyes, and felt dizzy again.

“You okay?” he asked softly, face only inches from mine.

“Dizzy,” was all I could eke out, unable to tear myself away from his gaze. Finally my body pulled me out of his trance, coughs wracking my shoulders. Someone came in the door of our small cabin, saying “Edward, is this our patient?”

I stared at him as he stepped into the cabin and immediately saw the resemblance. Tall, lanky build, untidy hair but blonde, and looking like an older version of the Adonis that still held me in his arms. He must have been a doctor, as he was talking to the nurse and asking her if he could take a look at me. Quickly, he was by my side and I was surrounded by two of the most incredible men I had ever seen. I was starting to wonder if this was all some kind of strange, delightful dream. Then I coughed again, reality intruding.

“Bella fell in the pool—I think she may have ingested some pool water,” he told the doctor. I liked the way he said my name in that sweet, soft voice. What did the doctor call him? Edward. Edward was looking at me again, still only inches away.

“I think she’s dizzy,” he said, with obvious concern that melted my heart. I sat up a little straighter, trying to resurrect some of my shattered dignity. He stepped back to let the doctor see me.

“Well, Bella, do you mind if I take a look at you, to see how you’re doing?” the doctor asked gently, looking at me kindly with those same green eyes that Edward captivated me with. I nodded—as if I could do anything else.

He checked my breathing and eyes and asked me to count, which made no sense, but I complied.

“What day is it?” he asked, shining a flashlight into my eyes at the same time. It didn’t make any sense—didn’t he know what day it was?

“Flag Day,” I answered automatically, thinking of how that day had been on my mind since we started our trip here to Florida.

“Flag Day?” he asked, looking surprised. Well, of course, silly—no one else would realize it’s Flag Day but you.

“Saturday?” I tried, more conventionally. “June fourteenth,” I stated with certainty. Perhaps that would end this crazy questioning. He seemed to like this answer, because he smiled at me and I involuntarily drew in my breath—that smile could stop a truck. It was a good thing I was gasping all the time anyway, or it would have caused me even further embarrassment. I wondered…if Edward had the same smile…I glanced at him and he was grinning at me, as if reading my mind. Oh my. I looked away quickly before I could start hyperventilating.

“Well, Bella, I think you’re going to be fine,” the doctor was saying to me. “You’re going to need some warm clothes and a long rest. But if you have any trouble breathing, or start to feel dizzy again, I want you to call me immediately. Do you understand?”

I nodded, feeling it was safer not to try to speak.

“Are you traveling with your parents?” he asked.

I nodded again, and felt compelled to at least try. “Cabin 535,” came out in a hoarse whisper.

“Nurse, could you please ring Bella’s parents and ask them to come get her?” he said. I tried to object—the last thing I wanted was my mother to receive an ominous call from the ship’s nurse. I’m sorry ma’am, but your daughter almost drowned. She would completely panic. Nothing came out but a squeak—no one heard me, so I gave up.

“I’ll stay until Bella’s parents arrive,” Edward was saying, capturing my attention with his gentle voice saying my name. I was strangely relieved that he would stay.

The doctor turned the full force of his smile on me again. “Goodbye, Bella. The next time I see you, I expect you to be completely recovered, okay?” I smiled back at him, as if I could do anything else. As the doctor left, Edward came and stood close to me again, looking as if he wanted to make sure he could catch me if I fell over. He had the most endearing look of worry on his face. Embarrassment ran through me. I knew I was horribly uncoordinated, but somehow I was hoping it wasn’t so pathetically obvious. I smiled at him in between coughs, trying to convince him I was really fine, he didn’t need to worry. I didn’t trust my voice to try speaking to him.

After a few moments, Phil burst into the cabin, looking around, panicked.

“Bella! Are you okay?” He rushed to my side and hugged me in his typical bear hug—Phil’s baseball sized physique nearly squished out whatever air I had left in me. Still, I was glad it was him and not my mom—at least he had gotten that right.

“I’m fine, Phil, really,” I said, gasping as little as possible.

“But the nurse said you almost drowned!” Phil seriously needed to calm down—I could only imagine the frenzy he would send my mom into, in this state.

“Um, the doctor was just here, and he said she was going to be fine,” Edward interjected, saving the day once again.

“Who are you?” Phil asked suspiciously. Phil tended to take the ‘I’m your father’ overprotectiveness just a little too far, which would generally make me laugh, but in this case was just annoying me.

“My name is Edward Cullen, sir. I, um, helped Bella when she fell in the pool.”

That stopped Phil cold. “Oh…you rescued Bella?” Phil wasn’t always the fastest on his feet in figuring things out. Then again, he was busy being panicked.

“Um…” was all Edward got out before Phil bear hugged him as well, which just about made me laugh out loud. I hid my face in my hands to cover my grin. “Thanks, kid!” Phil was saying enthusiastically. When he released Edward, he saw me with my face buried in my hands and assumed the worst.

“Bella, honey, are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m okay, Phil. I just need…to get some warm clothes.”

“Right, yeah, come on honey, let’s get you back to the cabin. Your mom is freaking out, anyway.”

What? “You told her?” I asked, horrified. Here I was thinking that Phil had actually handled things…

He held his hands out, “She picked up the phone! It was all I could do to keep her in the cabin while I came to get you.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Seriously, how was I going to leave for college when all I had for backup was Phil? I obviously needed to get back to the cabin and calm my mom down. I tried getting up from the cot, but was still unsteady, rocking back on my heels. In a flash, Edward was by my side, holding my elbow and his warm hand at the small of my back. Phil gave him one of those over-protective looks and wrapped his arm around me.

“Thanks, um…” Phil said, forgetting his name.

“Edward.”

“Right, thanks, Edward. I’ve got it from here.” I rolled my eyes at Phil, deciding he and I needed to have a serious talk when this was all through about his need to protect me from all males within a 1 mile. He did a good job of holding me up, though, as we made our way to the door. I glanced back at Edward, my unearthly beautiful guardian angel. I couldn’t help but smile at him, as his lovely face slipped from view. As we made our way toward our cabin, I wondered if I would ever see that face again.

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Chapter: 3

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight; I own this story.

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Chapter 3 – Daylight

EPOV

I was swimming, but it was nighttime, the darkness of the water making it seem like a fathomless pit. The pool was immense and it took forever to get to the other side, each stroke moving me only slightly along the edge. When I reached the end of the pool I stopped, clinging to the wall. I saw her standing there, silent, holding her arms slightly out and apart as if to beckon me or welcome me—I wasn’t sure which. Bella was beautiful, an almost unearthly vision. Everything about her was pale—her skin, her clothes, the moonlight reflecting off her ebony hair, her brilliantly white teeth as she smiled at me. But her eyes were as dark as midnight, as bottomless as the pool…

Something landed on my head with a thump, jarring me. I was in my bed, the bright sunlight of morning filtering through the pillow and blankets piled up around me.

“Rise and shine, pretty boy,” said Emmett, muffled by the pillow on my head. Another pillow landed on me with sufficient force to knock the first one off—which must have come from him as well. I groaned at him, pulling the pillow off my face.

“Sleeping here…did you notice?” I grumbled at him.

“Yeah, well they’re not going to toss pillows at you in Basic, kid. You better get used to it.” As my eyes creaked open, adjusting to the morning light, I could see Emmett was up and dressed. I looked around for a clock, but somehow our cabin didn’t have one. I guess no clocks were necessary on vacation? I fumbled for my watch on the nightstand.

“Late night, last night…”I grumbled again.

“Yeah, I heard about that,” he said with a grin. “Only six hours on the boat and you’re already a hero? Lucky you—I hear she’s a looker…”

My anger flashed and I glared at him. Emmett thought of every patient as a potential, um, girlfriend—or at least the one-night kind. My older brother was an excellent paramedic, but somehow he thought that the uniform entitled him to a certain hero status that he leveraged to his advantage with willing female patients—or friends of patients, or onlookers, or just about anyone. Being built like a linebacker, with unruly blonde hair and a certain charm didn’t hurt his chances. Emmett was well known in Forks for his success with women.

“I don’t take advantage of my patients, Emmett,” I retorted hotly.

He gave a short laugh. “She’s Dr. Cullen’s patient, not yours, junior. Still, I would think she would be grateful, you having saved her life and all.”

I gave him a disgusted look, shaking my head. “Don’t you have something to do? Besides annoy me, I mean.” I would not be taking advantage of any gratitude that might come my way, but I couldn’t help thinking about how appealing Bella had been in my dream…and in real life. There was something about that dream that tugged at the back of my mind…

“Hey, you don’t need to get all worked up about it,” he said with a laugh. “And I’m ready to go work out, so get your sorry butt up, bro,” he said, tossing another pillow at me, which I successfully blocked this time. Ugh…the last thing I wanted to do right now was another gym session with Emmett. A couple hours of sleep sounded nice…possibly another dream…

“Aren’t we on vacation?” I asked, trying not to whine.

“Don’t go soft on me now. I don’t want you messing up all my hard work here,” he said, pointedly. He was right, of course. Basic Training was only two weeks away and the only way I was going to survive was if I stuck to the maniacal workout schedule Emmett had put me through this last three months. At one time I thought I might follow in Emmett’s footsteps—granted, with a little more integrity when it came to female patients—or possibly become a doctor like my father, but somehow neither of those options quite captured the sense of purpose that I had wanted. Grudgingly, I got up from the bed and started hunting around for something to wear.

“I think we should check out the climbing wall,” he added, approvingly watching me get dressed. “We can hit the gym after that.”

I grunted my assent, waking a little more as I moved around. Mom and dad had sprung for a cabin with a porthole window and the streaming sunlight made the events of last night seem like a distant memory, almost as dreamlike as the one I had just awoken from. It was hard to believe that I had been as affected by her as I had. It wasn’t as if I had never seen a beautiful woman before. There were plenty in Forks, and at Peninsula College, and I certainly had some offers that Emmett wouldn’t refuse. They were just not as…interesting as she was. Maybe it had just been the adrenaline and drama of the rescue…maybe she just happened to look really good soaking wet…I shook my head, trying to clear it of that thought. I couldn’t think of her in that way—I’d be no better than Emmett—and that just wouldn’t do. Maybe the workout would distract me from my thoughts about last night…

BPOV

The fuss that Phil and mom had made over me last night was almost more traumatic than having nearly drowned. When I had finally calmed her down, took a bath and changed into warm clothes, I had nearly passed out with exhaustion in my room. It was completely dark when I woke up, and I had no idea what time it was. There was light streaming in from under the cabin door, and people bustling in the hall outside my room, so I guessed that it must be morning. I was grateful, once again, that mom had let me get a cabin of my own, so I wouldn’t have to face them first thing in the morning. It would have been horrific to share the honeymoon suite with the newly married couple.

I fumbled around for a light switch, only halfway remembering that all the lights were affixed to the wall. I remember being struck, as we first checked in, by how everything was bolted down. It was as if they were expecting some kind of torrential storm to kick up on the high seas and needed to make sure the furniture didn’t crush the guests inadvertently—very comforting.

Last night’s misadventure on the deck seemed like some kind of extreme waking nightmare—except for all the parts where he was involved. Edward. I rolled the name around in my mind and decided it suited him. He was amazingly gorgeous, but courteous, like some kind of dignified angel that didn’t really belong on this earth. That he had made me swoon was embarrassing, but understandable—he had an unearthly beauty. But that I had embarrassed myself multiple times in front of him was just very unfortunate. It was not as if I had any chance with him in any event. Silly girl. We were clearly from two different worlds. His being the one where people were ridiculously beautiful, made amazing rescues, and did not embarrass themselves by falling gracelessly into pools.

I dragged myself out of bed and glared at the mirror over the tiny sink in my cabin. The late night escapade in the pool, the hot bath that followed, and the long sleep had done a serious disservice to my hair. I decided to take a shower before I tackled breakfast. My stomach was still lurching from pool water, but I had managed not to throw up. I cleared my throat—it was still raw from all the coughing, but somewhere in the night the coughing itself had subsided. I was starting to feel somewhat human again.

I phoned Phil and Renee in the cabin next door, not wanting to knock on the door and interrupt whatever early morning honeymoon activities they might have planned. It turned out they weren’t there. Then I noticed a note they had slipped under my door. Eating, it seemed, was a round-the-clock activity on a cruise ship and they had already had breakfast and were now down at one of the dozen coffee shops on the ship. A double latte with extra cream sounded just about right. I remembered seeing several nooks that would make excellent reading spots in my exploration of the ship yesterday. I made a mental note to bring Wuthering Heights with me as I started the shower.

Standing in the steaming hot water, feeling it cascade over me, I felt a shiver that had nothing to do with the contrasting steam and cold air wafting in from outside the shower stall. I almost drowned last night…the shock of it was still settling into me. I would literally be dead if Edward had not pulled me from the pool. I shivered again. Having a near-death experience kind of put things in perspective. I was suddenly glad that Renee and Phil were waiting for me downstairs. I had an urge to go hug my mom and tell her I loved her. Possibly Phil, too, as long as he wasn’t too strange about it. And I was intensely curious as to what Edward thought about it…about me. Of course, I was sure he wasn’t really thinking about me, so much as thinking about making a daring rescue of some hapless girl. Surely he did not save someone’s life every day. It must have had some impact on him. He had seemed so…concerned last night. Not just saving my life, but helping me to the doctor’s office, bringing his father in to take care of me, generally not leaving my side until he was sure I was okay. He was so gentle, and yet strong, and…

My skin was starting to resemble a prune left out in the sun too long. I turned off the water, mentally shaking my head at myself for letting my thoughts dwell on Edward. I would probably never even see him again. There were literally thousands of people on this boat, with enough decks to make me dizzy just thinking about it. The chances that we would run into one another were infinitesimally small. We had already had our chance meeting—there would not be a repeat performance. I sighed.

I rustled through the clothes that were haphazardly strewn around the room in my incoherent struggle to find warm clothes last night. I hung up my still damp clothes from the night before—perhaps they would dry out enough to be usable tomorrow. That’s when I found a jacket I did not recognize, with the rest of my things. At first, I was perplexed—had Phil managed to mix up his things with mine? When I picked it up I realized it must be Edward’s. It was still damp from the night before, and I vaguely remembered that he had wrapped something around me when he first pulled me from the pool. It didn’t seem right for me to keep it. He had already risked his life to save me—he should at least get his jacket back. A small flame of hope flickered in me—maybe he would come looking for it? Best not to get my hopes up though—he probably had forgotten all about it. Gently washing it out as best I could in the sink, I hung it up to dry and went downstairs to find the Café Promenade and my family.

Renee didn’t wait for me to hug her, grasping me around the shoulders as if she had not seen me in a month.

“Oh, baby, how are you? I’ve been dying for you to wake up,” she said quickly, breathlessly. “I wanted to wake you up and check on you, but Phil wouldn’t let me. He said you needed to rest, and I know you did, but I was just so worried…” She kept babbling on for a little while. I hugged her back. My mom was a little goofy. Well, a lot goofy, but I loved her intensely.

“I love you, Mom,” I said, surprised to find tears welling up in my eyes—must be a delayed reaction to the pool water. I gave Phil a weak smile. “Phil was right, I just needed some sleep. I’m fine. Great, in fact.” I surreptitiously wiped the tears from my eyes before they could spill out and betray me.

Phil was grinning at me, and then disappeared to the coffee counter. I continued to reassure my mom that I was in fine working order, when Phil came back with a bagel and coffee.

“Double latte, extra cream, right?” he asked. Bless him. Phil was going to work out fine. Those double-crossing tears were starting to come back again.

“You’re the best, Phil,” I said and decided I needed to give him a hug after all. He looked embarrassed. I would have too, but I was too busy covering up my tears with a sudden need to get napkins. Seriously needing to move past this moment of mushiness, I changed the subject.

“So, what do you kids have planned for today?” I asked.

“Oh, well, honey,” Renee said, looking a little nervously at Phil, “I think maybe you should rest.”

“I meant what you and Phil have plan for today,” I reassured her. “I’ll be finding a sunny spot and spending some tortured-existence time with Wuthering Heights,” I said, patting the dog-eared paperback that I had brought along and smiling.

“Oh,” she said, relieved. “Good. Well, Phil and I were thinking about going to the ice skating rink.”

“Ice skating rink? Is there anything that this boat doesn’t have?”

She smiled, saying, “Isn’t it great?” She and Phil were smiling at each other again, with that look that meant they were off in their own private world.

“Well, run along, have fun,” I said, not wanting to feel like the odd-girl-out anymore than necessary.

Mom frowned and looked concerned for me again. “Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should stick around for a while, just to make sure.”

“I’m fine, Mom. Please—go have fun. I’ll just be here, relaxing with my book. I promise to stay away from any bodies of water, large or small.” I smiled my most reassuring smile. She smiled back, uncertainly, but Phil took the cue and pulled her up to go.

“Be careful, Bella. No more scares, okay?” he said, as he coaxed Renee from the table.

“Promise,” I said, still smiling, but relieved they were going. Looking around the Café Promenade, I realized the coffee shop was right next to the rock climbing wall and an assortment of couches and chairs scattered around the room. I spotted one couch nestled against an outside window, looking warm from the sunlight beating down on it—perfect. I dumped the bagel in the trash on the way to the couch, not wanting to chance solid food just yet.

As I sat on the sun warmed couch seat, I curled my legs up underneath me and set my latte on the table in front of the couch. I had a nice view of the rock-climbing wall, as well as the rest of the promenade. I gazed at the climbers for a moment, wondering what it would be like to be one of those coordinated people that could actually try things like that without risking death. I sighed and was about to find where I had left off in my book when a flash of bronze hair caught my eye.

My heart lurched a little, and I thought involuntarily, Edward? He was turned away from me, fixing the climbing harness onto his waist, but he had that same untidy reddish brown hair that fell luxuriously around his face as he worked at the bindings—the same lean, lanky but subtly muscular body that showed quite nicely under his gray t-shirt and dark shorts. It had to be him. Then he turned to his climbing partner, saying something I couldn’t quite hear and smiling, and I could see that glorious angel face of his. My heart stuttered again—Edward.

His partner was very muscular, built like Phil, but with a shock of blonde hair that seemed to spring out of his head. He was incredibly good looking as well, and obviously came from the same gorgeous-family gene pool as Edward and his father. I suddenly realized that I was gaping at them and hastily opened my book and tore my eyes away from them—the last thing I wanted was for Edward to find me staring at him, again. But I couldn’t help holding up my book at eye level so that I could steal glances at them as they starting climbing the wall.

Edward was strong, clearly, his muscles showing more as they strained with his movements from hold to hold. But he was strangely graceful in his movements, agile as he climbed and quickly outpaced his larger, bulkier brother. There was something determined and deliberate about his movements, as if he had already mapped out the entire wall of random rocks in his head and plotted a course— he was making a series of strategic chess moves to ascend in the most direct way. Occasionally he stopped to brush his mop of bronze hair back away from his face, to better see his path ahead. It was fascinating to watch and I had a hard time keeping my book high enough to block my obvious staring. Edward reached the top first, a triumphant look on his face as he said something to his brother, still further down on the wall. He kicked away from the top, repelling down in graceful hops. I burrowed my eyes into my book, just in case he happened to look this way.

My heart was pounding in my chest and it was difficult to make sense of the words on the page. I guessed that chance was smiling sweetly on me today, allowing me another opportunity to see him, if only from afar. I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm my heart and tell myself that if I tried looking up to find if he was going for another climb on the wall I would only regret it. My staring would eventually attract someone’s attention, and I had already filled my embarrassment quota for the week. I took another drink of my now cooling latte and determined to find where I had left off with Heathcliff and Catherine’s tale of unrequited love. The irony was not lost on me, but at least their love was a mutual adoration, not a one-sided ogling of strangers. My heart was just beginning to settle when I heard that already familiar lyrical voice say my name.

“Bella?” he said, and my eyes shot up in shock. He had a look of surprise on his face as well, which then quickly turned into the most brilliant smile I have ever seen. I smiled reflexively in return—how could I not, with that sunshine raining down on me?

“Edward?” I managed to croak out, when I realized that I had not responded to him.

His blonde brother, who was several meters away by now, said something to him, which Edward responded to with a glare and an “I’ll see you there.” Blondie raised his eyebrows, gave me a smile, and turned to leave. I was thinking of some kind of apology to say, for interrupting whatever they had planned, but Edward beat me to it.

“How are you feeling?” he said, moving closer and taking a seat on a chair next to my couch. He was staring straight into my eyes. My heart was beating erratically out of control, and I honestly felt a little dizzy. How did he do that to me?

“Great!” I lied, looking into those amazing green eyes and wondering if I was going to be able to speak to him without passing out. I untucked my legs from underneath my body, placing them on the floor for better leverage in keeping steady. He seemed distracted by that movement, releasing me from the force of his stare. His eyes wandered over to the book I still held clutched in my hands.

“What are you reading?” he asked, seeming intensely curious about it. I flipped the book around so he could see the cover.

“Just some light reading,” I said. As he read the cover, he had a curiously amused look on his face.

“Aren’t you on vacation?” he asked.

I didn’t really understand what he was getting at. “Yes,” I said, cautiously.

“Most people wouldn’t consider that light reading—more like homework,” he said, but with a light teasing sound in his delightful voice.

“I’ve read it a few times before,” I said, turning over my well worn copy with the broken-in binding. A few times…like, maybe seven.

“Why do you like it?” he asked, eyes shining with curiosity. I was surprised at his desire to know what I was thinking, and blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

“I guess I’m just fascinated by the characters—Catherine and her free spirit, and of course Heathcliff’s torment.” I watched him carefully to see what his reaction to this would be. Most of my friends did not understand my love of literature. I could picture Mike’s glazed eyes as I would discuss our English assignments. Even Angela had limited patience for my detailed analysis of Heathcliff’s obvious psychosis. Edward just seemed…fascinated.

“I always thought he got what he deserved—Heathcliff, I mean. Not exactly the kind of person I would want my sister to date,” he said, somewhat seriously, but also teasing. I was stunned.

“You’ve read it, then?”

“Well, I did go to high school,” he said with a slight smile. That smile again—it made my breath catch. There was something about him that was drawing me in like a bee to nectar, and it wasn’t just that gorgeous grin.

“So, you’ve already graduated?” I asked, knowing the answer. He looked at least twenty or twenty-one, and was obviously way more mature than the boys I had just graduated with.

“Um, yeah,” he said, but seemed to want to change the subject. “Is that coffee?” he asked, pointing at my cup.

“Double latte,” I corrected him. “Extra cream.”

“A nutritious breakfast,” he scolded me, a glint in his eye.

“Well, I am feeling much better this morning, but breakfast just didn’t seem…wise.” I was touched by his concern for me. It was the same as the night before—as if he felt some kind of responsibility to take care of me. Residual obligation of his hero status? I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t really want it to stop.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said softly. He was staring into my eyes again, and I felt my knees start to weaken. He seemed about to say something, then stopped, and released me from his gaze, looking awkwardly at the floor.

“Well, I should probably get going,” he said, obviously looking for an excuse to leave. My heart sank a little. I didn’t mean to take up his time. He flashed that smile at me again, zapping any thoughts out of my head.

“Emmett’s waiting for me at the gym. My brother,” he explained, ”is determined to get me mercilessly in shape, in spite of my tendencies to like Wuthering Heights.” He smiled that delicious smile as he rose from the chair.

“Take care, Bella,” he said seriously, and was walking away before I could even get out ‘bye’. He took whatever breath I had with him. He was just too impossibly good to be true. I shook my head. Bella, girl, don’t kid yourself. He couldn’t possibly be interested in me. I tried to go back to reading, but it was no use—my thoughts kept drifting back to what Edward had said, trying to make sense of it. Finally, I decided it would probably be best for me to head back to my cabin and get some rest. My mind was just too frazzled to keep up.

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Chapter: 4

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Chapter 4 – Evening

EPOV

I was through Emmett’s mindless repetitions on the weight equipment, and had just started on the treadmill, feeling every muscle of my body aching. However, I clearly needed something more to occupy my mind, because it kept wandering back to Bella. If it was possible, she was even more beautiful in the sunlight. Warm sunshine showing red highlights in her hair…her long bare legs stretching languidly to the floor…her liquid brown eyes drawing me in…I ran faster, turning up the speed on the treadmill a couple more notches. Perhaps, if I felt my heart would burst out of my chest from exertion, that would provide sufficient distraction.

It wasn’t working. I couldn’t believe she had even more impact on me this morning than she did last night. The drama of the night was over. There was no adrenaline rush, other than the one I felt when I looked in her eyes—and that was all before she even spoke. She intrigued me. She was obviously a fan of literature and a thoughtful one at that. I realized for the first time I didn’t even know how old she was—perhaps she was still in high school?

Agh. Not only was it inappropriate for me to want—what?—something from her, given that I had just rescued her, but what if she was underage as well? Could there be any more reasons why I should just stop thinking about her, especially in that way? I couldn’t believe I had run into her at the rock-climbing wall. What were the odds? Well, it was sure not to happen again. And if, somehow, I saw her again, I would just have to be careful to avoid looking at her legs…or her eyes…or I would have to run off again before I did something I regretted. I gave up on the treadmill, and went to find Emmett to see if he was ready to leave.

He was still working on the machines. It took a lot of work to bulk up the way Emmett had—I appreciated the effort, if not the result, more than before Emmett had started acting like my personal trainer.

“Almost done?” I asked, hopefully.

“Not yet,” he puffed out, between reps. “So, did you make a date?” he asked, grinning. I glared at him.

“I told you—it’s not like that. I just wanted to see how she was feeling.”

He looked at me skeptically. “Well, Carlisle certainly didn’t give the full scoop about your girlfriend.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Emmett, give it a rest.”

“I mean it, bro, she isn’t just a looker…she is hot,” he said, in all earnestness. I almost growled at him. I decided to ignore him, looking at my watch, trying to guess how much longer this particular torture session was going to last.

“Hey, if you’re not interested, would you mind if I…” Emmett started. I flicked my eyes back up to him. A small smile played on his lips and I definitely growled this time.

“Stay away from her, Emmett,” I said, a lot harsher than I had intended.

He laughed uproariously at me, and I realized he was just baiting me. There were times when I really wanted to hit Emmett, but self preservation generally held me back. If I had been able to get a good shot at him in between the arm-curl equipment, I think I would not have held back this time. Instead, I continued to glare at him.

“Oh, c’mon, little bro, I’m just kidding…” he said, making it difficult for me to stay angry at him. Still, I managed.

“I’m going back to the cabin to shower,” I said, turning and leaving. I was too angry and frustrated to hang out any longer at the gym.

When I arrived back at our cabin, I noticed the door to Carlisle and Esme’s cabin was open. I hadn’t had a chance to check in with them yet this morning, to see what the agenda was for the day. This was mom’s idea, this farewell voyage. I wanted to make sure I stuck to whatever plan we were supposed to be on. I knocked, poking my head inside.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Edward, come on in,” replied my sister, Alice, perched on Esme’s bed with a dozen fashion magazines spread around her.

“Did you really bring all those with you?” I asked, teasing.

“No, I bought them at the newsstand. Besides, don’t think I don’t know about your secret stash,” she replied, giving me an impish grin. I held my hands out, portraying innocence, and seriously wondering if she had seen me pack those manuals in the side pocket of my suitcase. I flopped down on the bed, bouncing her and her magazines slightly. I had always had a special affection for my little sister. She seemed to understand me better than anyone else in the family—or at least tolerated my moods. We were also comfortable in our silences, something I appreciated more and more about her as we grew older.

“Alice, I have a question for you,” I said, after a minute of gazing at the ceiling while she leafed through her magazines, looking for the latest trend in footwear or some such thing.

“Oh?” she turned her attention to me. Alice delighted in giving advice, especially to me.

“If you wanted to date someone older than you, say a couple years older, do you think dad would be okay with that?” I asked, obfuscating as best I could. It was hard to keep secrets from Alice.

“Don’t be silly, Edward! Dad’s not going to let me date until I’m thirty,” she said, laughing. “But what he doesn’t know, certainly won’t hurt him,” she continued with a mischievous glint in her eye. I laughed with her, but her answer made me uneasy.

“Hey, I heard you were a hero last night,” she commented, now lying on the bed on her stomach, facing me with her head balanced on her folded hands.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“That’s cool. Apparently, the family is pretty pleased with you,” she said, leadingly.

“What do you mean?” I said, propping myself up on my elbow to look her in the eye. Her spiky black hair was teased into the latest fashionable style, and her clear blue eyes shone.

“Well, I happen to know that the girl you saved…what’s her name?” she said, a small smile on her lips.

“Bella,” I said, giving her a look that said she better give up the goods soon or I was not going to be happy.

“Well, Bella’s parents called mom and dad this morning and invited us all to sit with them at dinner tonight—you know, to thank you for saving their daughter?” She ended with a grin, guessing what I would make of this.

Oh no. I groaned and fell back on the bed again. Alice laughed her tinkling, teasing laugh. “Oh, it’s not going to be that bad,” she said, poking me in the ribs.

I groaned, letting her think this was just my usual aversion to family dinners in general, and dinners with company in particular. It wasn’t that I didn’t like making conversation, or socializing—it was just difficult to compete with the amazing Dr. Cullen and his paramedic son, Emmett. I often felt like the son who didn’t….do something. But dinner with Bella and her family? How was I going to pull that off without staring at their daughter? It was going to be miserable. Alice knew something was up, but graciously declined to grill me about it, choosing to just look at me quizzically instead.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Mom wanted to try out the Fifties Grill and dad talked us into a round of family mini-golf. Emmett and I got roped into a round of water volleyball at one of the many pools, which helped take the edge off the increasingly hot and muggy day. Afterwards, Emmett was distracted with a large number of female admirers, giving me a chance to sneak off on my own to check out the boat. I wandered up to the bridge, hoping to have a chance to see the operations, or at least talk to the captain. But there were only a few crew on duty there—apparently these ships nearly drove themselves. At some point, I was hoping to see the engine room, but that might have to wait for another day.

As evening approached, I was increasingly nervous about dinner with Bella and her family. Apparently we were expected to ‘dress’ for dinner, meaning some kind of semi-formal attire. Although the days of wearing tuxedos and ball gowns for dinner had apparently disappeared with the emergence of casual Fridays, Alice made sure that we each had appropriate ‘country club’ clothes for the captain’s dinner tonight. I was hoping that the actual captain might be in attendance, and I might get a chance to ask for a tour of the bridge. The dark suit, white shirt and light patterned tie that Alice had picked out for me seemed sensible enough, and hopefully would make me presentable for Bella’s family. Not that I was trying to win their approval—I was just hoping they wouldn’t be able to read my thoughts, and I would be able to avoid making a fool of myself staring at Bella.

The weather had taken a turn for the worse in the early evening, with a storm starting to pick up. Now that we were on the open sea, a gentle rolling motion could be felt throughout the ship, as if it were a massive teeter totter. The dining hall was crowded as passengers milled around the tables looking for a place to sit and crew weaved between them, setting places and bringing drinks. The slow rocking motion of the ship, combined with the crowd, made crossing the dining room a little treacherous. The five of us slowly made our way through the hall, looking for Bella’s family’s table.

Mom was excited to meet Bella’s parents, but Alice was about to jump out of her skin with anticipation. I didn’t understand why all the fuss, but they were making me even more nervous. Finally, I spotted her at a table near the back, in a corner of the immense, gilt draped dining hall—and immediately realized I was in serious trouble. In keeping with the dress code, she was wearing a sleeveless cocktail dress that clung in all the right places—it was an amazing periwinkle blue color that was striking with her pale skin and long, dark hair. It was going to take a lot to not stare, open mouthed, as I was currently doing, the entire night. She was standing at the table, looking through the crowd for us. I managed to shut my mouth before she spotted me. She waved timidly at me, and I guided my family in their direction.

The table was set with formal place settings, with gold ware, china and crystal. I tried my best not to look at Bella while I introduced my family and she introduced hers. When we were finally settled, mom and dad were sitting on one side of the table with Phil and Renee, while Alice had quickly taken the spot next to Bella. I was relegated to sitting in between Emmett and Esme—with an excellent view of Bella and that dress.

She seemed to be avoiding looking at me as well, perhaps as excruciatingly embarrassed by this situation as I was. Alice was doing an excellent job of occupying her attention, in any event, something I was going to need to thank her for later. Phil was peppering Carlisle with questions about being a doctor in Forks, and where was that anyway? I overheard Renee tell my mom that they lived in Phoenix, but that Phil traveled as a ball player, and they might be relocating to Florida. Alice was asking Bella where she had found her dress and seemed to be chattering away about clothes, hopefully not talking about me. Emmett and I were keeping our heads down. Unfortunately, the conversation somehow turned on me, and Renee was asking me where I was attending college.

“At Peninsula College—it’s a small community college in Port Angeles, not too far from our home in Forks,” I said, noticing that Bella had stopped talking to Alice, so she could hear what I was saying. I was trying to focus on Renee. “So, you live in Phoenix?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation safely away from myself.

“Yes! Bella just graduated. She’s going to Dartmouth in the fall,” Renee gushed out with obvious pride. I couldn’t help but steal a glance at Bella, and she was blushing a delicious shade of pink that absolutely took my breath away. Bella was staring hard at her mom, no doubt trying to will her to stop talking. I tore my eyes away from Bella, knowing that if I didn’t, my thoughts would be plain on my face.

“Dartmouth is a really great college, very hard to get into. That’s impressive,” I said to Renee, deliberately avoiding looking at Bella, and trying to sound casual. I was failing miserably. I knew Bella was smart, but I didn’t realize she was Ivy League brilliant. I was sure my community college credentials weren’t looking too impressive right now. Fortunately, the servers chose that moment to start bringing out the first course. It was some kind of chowder with bits of baby octopus and some other kind of unidentified seafood. The servers only filled the bowls halfway with soup, no doubt taking into account the gentle rocking motion of the boat. It was not very noticeable, but slightly changed the level of the soup from one minute to the next. Everyone mostly busied themselves with their food and the conversation steered away from me, thankfully.

Renee was chattering away about the weather in Phoenix, and I noticed how different she was from Bella. She didn’t look at all like Bella—blonde, tanned—except she had the same liquid brown eyes. Her bubbly personality seemed completely at odds with Bella’s more reserved style. I stole another look at Bella, who seemed to be concentrating on, but not eating, her soup and listening to Alice’s animated conversation about shoes. Determined not to stare at her, I glanced back at Phil and Renee and noticed that Bella did not look anything like Phil either. He was tall, muscular, and apparently a ball player. His sandy blonde hair and blue eyes didn’t seem like they were in the same family as Bella’s dark haired, dark eyed beauty.

“Bella, are you okay?” I heard Alice say, very softly, concerned. My eyes flicked to Bella, and she did not look okay at all. She was still staring at her soup, but her fine featured face gone even more pale and seemed to have taken on a greenish cast. In my alarm, I failed to remember to not stare at her. I was about to say something when she quickly got up from the table and literally fled the room, heading for a door that lead to the outside of the ship. My wide eyed questioning look to Alice was met with a shrug. I glanced at Carlisle who, along with the rest of the table, had noticed Bella’s sudden departure. I was halfway out of my seat when he nodded and inclined his head, indicating I should follow after her. I didn’t need any encouragement and quickly got up and followed Bella toward the door. I noticed Phil start to get up, but I think Renee must have placed a hand on his arm, restraining him.

The door led immediately to the outside railing of the deck, and I was hit with a blast of the storm that had been rocking the ship. The wind was blowing fine sea mist along the deck, making it slick. Bella was several meters down, slightly sheltered by a curtain that was battened down but still flapping slightly in the wind. She was clutching the railing and seemed to be taking great gulping breaths of air. I came up quickly beside her, the noise of the wind falling in the small sheltered pocket where she stood.

“Are you okay?” I asked, bending my head to get a look at her face and placing my hand gently on her back, unsure if she would mind if I touched her.

“Seasick,” she said between deep breaths, eyes closed and clearly trying not to be sick. She actually looked a little better, a little more color than she had inside.

“Oh. I thought maybe you just didn’t like the soup,” I said, trying to tease a smile out of her. I was rewarded with the barest of lopsided grins. More seriously, gently rubbing her back, trying to ignore the incredible softness of her dress as it glided over her skin, I said, “Just keep taking deep breaths. It would probably help if you opened your eyes.”

She opened them, glancing at me and then looking away, as if embarrassed. The stormy sea tossed several stories below us, with wind whipping the waves into frothy peaks. You could barely discern the dark clouds on the horizon from the dark sea waves.

“Look out to the horizon. If you can watch the horizon, it will help unscramble the signals to your brain that are causing the seasickness.”

She did as I said, stealing another glance at me, probably wondering if I had any idea what I was talking about, or just making this up. She seemed to be breathing less forcefully though, so perhaps it was working.

“Better?” I asked. She nodded slightly, still staring at the horizon.

“I’m really grateful you came out here,” I went on, trying to distract her from the rocking motion of the boat. “I didn’t know if I was going to make it through dinner without embarrassing myself further.”

She gave me a questioning look, but quickly turned back to the horizon, taking another gulp of air.

“I’ll talk; you watch the horizon,” I said, turning my back to the waves so she could see me without having to turn her face. I stopped rubbing her back because, well, it was simply far too distracting to me and I was here to help her feel better.

“So, I was wondering how long it would take before my mom was going to start bringing out my baby pictures, or possibly worse, and I really would much prefer to be out here in a torrential rainstorm…” with you, I thought, hoping that didn’t show too much in my voice.

“Sure, I might get soaked, and Alice will probably never forgive me for ruining the expensive tie I’m sure she spent hours finding for me, but at least I’m spared the indignity of explaining how exactly I broke my arm in the third grade and that it really wasn’t my fault.” My prattling earned me an actual grin, which I quickly returned.

“You, in fact, spared us both from having to endure Emmett’s endless stories of his heroic rescues, or at least rescue attempts, as a paramedic in the vast metropolis of Forks, Washington. For that alone, my lady, I will forever be in your debt.” She let out a short laugh, and graced me with a smile. I stopped talking because she was looking at me again with those warm, brown eyes and I had a hard time concentrating on anything else right at that moment.

She took a deep breath, exhaling warm air on me, as our faces were quite close, now that she had turned slightly to look at me.

“Here you are, saving me again,” she said, smiling. “I never really thanked you for the first time.”

And then she leaned over and kissed me. The breath completely went out of me, in surprise and delight, as she gently brushed her cheek on mine and lightly pressed her lips to the side of my face. My hands automatically went around her waist. It felt like the most natural thing in the world that I should pull her closer, hold her tight against me and kiss her passionately—but I didn’t do that. She was thanking me…a surge of guilt went through me for even thinking about kissing her. She drew away from me, back to the railing. Looking into my eyes again, she said, “Thanks.”

I quickly removed my hand from her waist, as if burnt by an iron, and took a breath, trying to find my voice again. My mind was reeling from her having been so close to me—I couldn’t think of anything coherent to say.

“You’re welcome,” I said, but it sounded completely inane. She smiled again, looking down at her hands, now folded on the railing and not clutching it as before. Somehow being unlocked from her gaze cleared my mind.

“So, you’re going to Dartmouth in the fall?” I asked, trying to make some kind of conversation. I wondered what the blush from earlier was all about, and was halfway hoping to see it again. She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, well, my mom makes a big deal out of it.” She looked at me again, measuring me, as if trying to decide if she wanted to say something or not—probably wanting to spare my feelings, since I was only in community college.

“My mom didn’t go to college, so it’s very important to her that I do. She got married early, had me, and never really went back. Ever since I got my first ‘A’ in junior high, she’s wanted me to go to an Ivy League college.” Her confession fascinated and surprised me—she always seemed to be doing that.

“Don’t you want to go?” I asked, intrigued.

“Sure,” she said, clearly leaving something unsaid.

“You know, you can tell me,” I said, smiling what I hoped was a convincing smile of sincerity, but I was afraid just came out looking mischievous. “I promise I won’t tell.”

She smiled in return, but was still measuring me with her eyes. She dropped her eyes back down to her folded hands and said, “Well, there’s this guy, Mike.” A guy—of course. I was determined to keep smiling, in spite of that sinking feeling in my chest, so she would keep talking.

“Anyway, he’ll be going to Dartmouth, too, and I just don’t think that…well, I think he wants there to be more than there really is…you know, between us…and…” she paused, shaking her head, and then looking up at me with those chocolate eyes. “You know, I haven’t really told anyone else this. I can’t believe I’m telling you—I mean, we’ve just met and I…” she left the rest unsaid, but I felt my heart take a giant leap. She was confiding in me. I wanted her to know she was safe with me, that she could tell me anything.

“Your secrets are safe with me, my lady,” I said with a smile and that amazing blush came back up into her face. I thought my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. The gym had nothing on what Bella could do to me. She looked away from me again, out to the open sea.

“What about you?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. What are you studying at Peninsula?” she asked.

“Well, I’m actually not going back to Peninsula in the fall,” I started, wondering how much I could share with her. “I’m enlisting in the Navy. I leave in two weeks for Basic Training.” I watched her carefully. There were usually one of two responses whenever I told someone about my plans to join the Navy. Either they couldn’t believe I would throw my ‘future’ away like that, or they were horrified that I would join the War on Terror. They usually quickly changed the subject after that. Mostly I just avoided the subject in the first place, and that seemed to work well. But, for some reason, in our private bubble in the storm, I felt compelled to tell her about it.

She was studying me again, looking me up and down, which gave me the oddest feeling of satisfaction. Finally she said, “I would never have guessed—you don’t seem like you have the right hair to join the Navy.”

I laughed at the sheer unexpectedness of her answer. I ran my fingers through my thick mop of unruly, brownish hair and said, with a smile, “Well, they’ll probably take care of that first thing when I get to Texas.”

“Your Basic Training is in Texas?” she asked.

“Eight weeks there, and then I go to the Language Institute in Monterey, California. I’m training to be a linguist,” I said, again watching her carefully. I usually didn’t get this far in explaining my plans, but she didn’t seem horrified or appalled, and there was some part of me that wanted to share this with her.

“A linguist?” she said, eyebrows raised, seeming intrigued. “What will you do? Translate terrorist phone calls?”

I smiled at her obvious interest. “That, and whatever else they need me to do. I have to spend two years at the Institute first and then I’ll be deployed wherever they need me. I could be translating for a diplomat, or negotiating with a foreign power. I’m hoping to get to do intelligence work, though.”

She was completely absorbed in what I was saying, and I felt myself drawing closer to her, away from the periodic gusts of sea breeze whipping around the tied-down curtain.

“It must be nice to know that what you’re doing is…important—makes a difference,” she said, studying my face and sounding just a little wistful. I was completely taken in by her. Somehow she had figured out in an instant what some members of my family still didn’t understand. I had an overwhelming urge to kiss her again. I tried to distract myself by staring at her hands, instead of her face.

“What will you be studying at Dartmouth?” I asked, just glancing at her face.

She looked away. “I don’t really know yet. Is that strange?”

“No. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted, too.”

We were silent for a moment, and I realized that her dazzling blue dress was slowly getting soaked out here in the rain. Bella, soaking wet, was not going to help with my determination to not take advantage of the gratitude she felt for my past and current rescues.

“Are you feeling better?” I asked, examining her face again. She seemed to have regained some color, although she was still pale in the dim walkway lights.

“Yes. I think it was just being inside that warm room, and…”

“And…?”

“And I really haven’t had any solid food since last night,” she said, sounding guilty.

I shook my head at her. “Let’s get you inside, where it’s dry, and I’ll see if we can scare something up for you to eat.”

I took her hand, warm and delicate in mine, and led her back through a different door than we came out. I knew there was some kind of 24 hour food service two levels down in the mezzanine level, and the stairs should be nearby. Having memorized those maps early on was definitely coming in handy.

BPOV

I slowly tore bits of my bagel and ate them, one at a time, trying to prolong the process. Edward was watching me eat, concern on his face, and looking ridiculously good in his dark suit, the white shirt spotted with sea spray from our time on the outside deck. My pathetic attempt at flirtation had failed, utterly. When I kissed him, for a moment, I thought that…maybe…but then he had whipped his hand away, as if he didn’t want to give me any wrong ideas.

I was, of course, being silly. He was so far out of my league, it wasn’t even logical to think he might want someone like me. Still, he was here, caring for me. He was unfailingly polite and concerned, and seemed to at least enjoy my company. Perhaps we could be friends—even that was a substantial improvement over my original prospects for this trip. I guessed it would have to be enough.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, green eyes burning with curiosity.

“Wondering if this bagel is going to stay down,” I lied.

“You look good,” he said, then looking slightly embarrassed, “At least you’re not green anymore,” he said with a smile. My heart did a little flip, seeing that sunshine on his face and the worry lines gone. I looked at my bagel again, trying not to stare. It was simply not fair that he was so good to look at.

“I really don’t think I can eat this whole thing. If I promise to eat breakfast, can we let this rest in peace?” I motioned to the scattering of bagel bits on my napkin.

He smiled a crooked grin which I couldn’t help returning.

“I should probably get you back to your cabin, anyway, or your family will wonder where you are,” he said. Earlier, in making our way down from the deck, he had called Phil to tell him we weren’t coming back to dinner. We had quickly found the bagel shop, which was deserted—everyone must be in the dinner halls. I deposited my bagel shreds in the trash as we rose up and left the lounge.

“Um…” I said, stopping and realizing I had no idea how to get to my cabin.

“It’s this way,” he said, pointing to a stairwell down the hallway that I had not even seen.

“You certainly seem to know your way around the ship,” I commented. “I tend to get lost as soon as I leave my cabin.”

He grinned. “I memorized the maps.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, but didn’t say anything. He was smart as well as gorgeous. I was beginning to wonder if he was tailor-made to be impossibly attractive to me. I was sure they didn’t accept just anyone into the linguist program in the Navy, and I could see why they wanted him—smart, analytical—there was something fascinating about the way he thought. I was intrigued by his choice to join the Navy. He was going to be a part of something important, something with a purpose—defending our country, catching the bad guys. My agonizing over a major seemed an inconsequential thing by comparison. He would probably be devastatingly handsome in a Navy uniform. Oh my. I tried not to think about that as we walked up the stairs, towards the fifth deck and my cabin. I realized how very different we were and how little real chance there was that he would be interested in me—an aimless girl who literally fell into pools.

It depressed me, and I must have sighed, because he asked, “You okay?” He had that look of gentle concern again.

I smiled, as best I could, and said, “Yeah. Just tired.”

“Well, you should rest up,” he said, as we reached my cabin. I wondered how he knew which one it was, and then realized that he was stopping at my parent’s cabin. “Tomorrow we make port at Nassau. Are you and your family going to debark?”

“I’m sure mom and Phil have made some kind of plans, I just don’t know what they are,” I said, not looking forward to what tomorrow would bring. “Um, my cabin is over here,” I said, stepping past him to cabin 537.

“Oh,” he said, confused. “I thought you said you were in 535, before.”

“I only agreed to come if mom and Phil agreed to separate cabins,” I said, and he seemed to eye my door a little nervously. Curious. “They just got married, so this is really their honeymoon.”

“I thought he seemed a little young to be your dad,” he said, realization dawning on his face.

“Well, mom loves him, so I guess that’s what counts,” I said, just a bit embarrassed to be talking about my wacky family life. “I wouldn’t be coming at all, but mom wanted to give me a birthday-and-graduation present all wrapped into one.”

He blazed that breathtaking smile again, as if I had just said something that made him very happy. “So, how old is the birthday girl?”

“Eighteen,” I said, confused as to why this would be at all interesting to him. “Oh!” I suddenly burst out, just remembering. “I forgot! I have something for you…”

I punched the code to my room, giving silent thanks for electronic locks because I was horrible at keeping track of keys, and dashed into my room. I left Edward standing in the hallway with a bewildered look on his face, so I hurried through my small cabin, ran into the bathroom and snagged his jacket off the shower stall. Thankfully, it was already dry, although looking a bit wrinkled and worse for the wear. Hoping he didn’t think I was losing my mind, I hurried back out to him.

“I thought you might want this back,” I said, handing the jacket to him, a little out of breath. He looked surprised at first, and then realized it was his. “I’m afraid it’s a little crumpled, but it had a tough night,” I smiled up at him and was immediately captured by those green eyes again.

He seemed to hesitate, looking into my eyes with an expression I couldn’t quite understand. He dropped his gaze, studying the jacket for a moment. I hoped there was nothing seriously wrong with it, looking down at it as well.

Suddenly, he looked at me through those long lashes, smiling, and said, “Thanks. I’m sure I’ll need it tomorrow.”

That look made my heart flutter again, and I had a crazy urge to reach up and kiss him. I decided I seriously needed to get out of there before I embarrassed myself again.

“Um…well, good night, then,” I said, backing up. He didn’t make any motion to leave, just stared at me with a serious look on his face.

“Good night.”

I backed into my room, smiling nervously once more and closing the door. I sighed, back resting against the door, undone by my near encounter with him—again. How could he turn me to Jell-O with just one look? It was absurd to melt just because he smiled at me. I doubted I would see him again—unless he intentionally sought me out. I laughed at the zero chance that had of happening. Even if we did happen to be in each other’s company again, I was determined not to act like a love-sick puppy, just because he flashed those green eyes at me. I turned and looked through the peephole, hoping for one last look, but he was already gone.

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Chapter: 5

SM owns all things Twilight - I own the story.

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Chapter 5 – Landfall

EPOV

I was in the pool again, bottomless and cold. She sat at the far edge, silver moonlight making her pale skin radiant. She wore a brilliantly blue dress that was out of place at the pool’s edge. She was laughing and dipping her bare toes in the pool water, splashing the inky water up into the air and turning it into silver raindrops as they reflected the moonlight and splashed back down to the pool. I swam toward her, head up, not wanting to look away. I kept swimming and swimming but never seemed to get any closer. I looked away for a moment, to see if I was close to the edge of the pool and could possibly get out and walk to her. When I looked back, she was gone…

I startled awake, cringing against the bright sunshine streaming in the porthole. It was morning already—it felt as if I had been asleep for only a moment, a long dreamy moment. As I sat up, shaking my head a little to clear it, the events of the night before flooded back. I had so nearly kissed her, not just on the deck, but later when I walked her back to her cabin. I sighed, guilt weighing on me, as I thought about how tempted I had been when I realized she had her own cabin, that her parents weren’t likely to be back soon, and that she was eighteen…it was as if all my defenses were falling like dominoes. I glanced at my jacket, now draped across the back of a chair in our small cabin—getting it back was the reminder I needed to keep my hands to myself, no matter how tempting she was. Still, it was a good thing she retreated to her cabin when she did. As I started looking around for my watch, wondering what time it was, Emmett burst into our cabin.

“Hey, you’re finally up!” he cried when he saw me. He was dressed in gym clothes, obviously sweaty from a workout.

“Hey,” I said, still a little groggy. “You went without me?” I asked, wondering how I got so lucky.

“Well, you were having some kind a dream, little bro,” he smirked at me. “Didn’t sound like I should interrupt.” I frowned, slightly embarrassed that my nighttime Bella musings weren’t as private as I thought.

“I thought you didn’t want me to go soft,” I said, trying to steer the subject away from my sleep time activities.

“Well, maybe you can make up for it later. Right now, we’ve got to get going. The girls are going to be waiting for us,” he said, peeling off his sweaty workout gear and starting the shower.

“Girls?” I asked, frowning again. What had Emmett gotten me into this time?

He grinned a wicked, knowing look at me, as if he had just been waiting for me to ask. “Mom and dad are going on some expedition with Bella’s parents, and Alice wanted a shopping partner, so we’re taking the girls to port with us.”

What? I sat up straighter and looked at him to see if he was serious. “I thought that might catch your interest,” he gloated. “Don’t get your hopes up, though—they won’t be with us the whole time. You know how serious Alice is about her shopping,” he called as he climbed into the shower.

The whole time? How was I going to manage to get through the day without…what? Grabbing Bella around the waist and kissing her? More likely embarrassing myself by ogling her, especially with Alice and Emmett hanging around. I had barely made it through the brief time we had together last night. I decided I would just have to act as if we were just friends…which shouldn’t be hard, because we weren’t anything more than friends, and really couldn’t be anything more than friends. I wasn’t really sure if we were even really friends…my head was starting to hurt. I rubbed my temples with my fingers and resolved that I would just try to act as if I was not completely, hopelessly attracted to her—if that was possible.

I slipped on some shorts and a white polo shirt that had been stuffed in one of the drawers, dragging my fingers through my hair before deciding that it was hopeless. I barely had time to get ready before Alice was banging on our cabin door. I reluctantly opened it up to find Alice beaming, with a nervous looking Bella standing slightly behind her. Alice bounced into our room, which I just realized was a complete mess.

“Are you ready yet?” Alice sang, as she hopped onto the bed. I ignored her and gazed at Bella, who had stayed in the hallway, looking as uncomfortable as I felt. She was dressed in khaki shorts and sandals that showed off her long legs and delicate feet, and a white sleeveless shirt that bared her pale shoulders. Her dark hair was tied up off her face, revealing her long, slender neck. I swallowed, hard, and tried to sound normal.

“Good morning,” I said, hoping my smile didn’t look as anxious as I felt.

“Good morning,” she said, looking apologetic, with that beautiful blush rising up in her cheeks. “I hope you don’t mind me joining you. My mom kind of insisted—I think she’s afraid I’ll fall off Prince George Wharf and drown if I don’t have someone to keep an eye on me.”

I smiled wider, suddenly feeling more at ease and realizing she was just as uncomfortable with this as I was. “I’m glad you’re coming,” I said, adding quickly, “Alice is really annoying when she doesn’t have a shopping partner.”

She seemed to relax a little. “Apparently I can’t leave Renee and Phil alone too long before they start hatching plans,” she said. I tore my eyes away from her so I wouldn’t look like I was staring at her, and turned on Alice.

“And I suppose you had nothing to do with this?” I accused.

Alice shrugged and smiled her impish grin, “I needed someone to help me ravage the stores of Bay Street, and Bella is much more fun than you are, Edward.”

I flashed a smile at Bella and said, “Well, I’m sure you’re right about that.”

“So, let’s go!” said Emmett, finally coming out of the bathroom and joining us. He was dressed in a navy blue polo and shorts. “Good morning, Bella,” he said warmly, with a glint in his eye. With my back to Bella so she couldn’t see, I glared at him, warningly.

Alice jumped up with a small squeak of delight, and threw me a mischievous look as she glided over to Bella. Hooking an arm around Bella’s, she practically skipped down the hall, dragging Bella with her. Bella looked back at me, briefly, as if to say What have I gotten myself into? I couldn’t restrain a chuckle as followed them out into the hall.

It was a balmy, gorgeous day as we debarked, walking down the long, steep gangplank that connected the Miss Liberty to the pier. The ship was disgorging its passengers quickly and crowds were gathering on the pier as people milled around, deciding what their plans for the day were.

Nassau was the modern capital city of the Bahamas, but the downtown area was pure tourist trap. Even from the crowded pier, we could see the large casino buildings dotting the coast, and white sand beaches stretching away into the distance. Several cruise ships, ours being by far the largest, were docked at the numerous piers fronting the downtown Bay Street area. Gentle foothills, lined with Georgian style buildings left over from Nassau’s Colonial past, rose up behind the picturesque shopping district.

Alice and Bella were in the lead, still hooked arm in arm, Bella’s long, dark hair swinging with their determined steps. Alice looked back over her shoulder and grinned at me, catching me watching them. I scowled at her and her evil plans, whatever they were. When we had worked our way through the blockade of aimless tourists, and neared the end of the pier, we pulled to the side, out of the main flow of the crowd. Alice was a woman on a mission, and she quickly outlined our plans for the day as we gathered around the map she had unfolded and held between us.

I scanned the map, trying to memorize the major points of interest and our general location. The pier we were docked on emptied out onto Prince George Wharf, which in turn ended in the downtown area. Bay Street ran one block south of the Wharf and parallel to the beaches, comprising the majority of the downtown area. Several streets ran parallel to Bay Street, moving further up into the foothills—that must be the older, colonial section of town that I saw from the pier.

“First, Bella and I are going to hit the shops along Bay Street,” Alice was saying, as I was surveying the map. “You boys will just have to find something else to do, unless you want to come hold our shopping bags?”

Emmett gave her a disgusted look, to which Alice smirked. “This afternoon, we’ll hit the Straw Market. But we’ll meet back for lunch, here,” she said pointing to a major intersection. “Can you manage not to get lost?” she asked, to which I gave her a withering look. “All right then, see you at 12 o’clock, boys—stay out of trouble!” Then she grabbed Bella’s hand and they quickly disappeared in the streaming river of tourists flowing into the downtown. I stared after them a little too long, so Emmett smacked me on the shoulder.

“Stop drooling, pretty boy,” he laughed, and I narrowed my eyes at him, silently daring him to taunt me further. “Let’s go…” he said, shaking his head. We started walking and were quickly swept along by the flow of people onto the Wharf. Seagulls darted in and out of the tangle of tourist legs, snatching the leftovers from the many snack shops lining each edge of the wooden planked pier.

“Where are we going?” I asked, looking hopefully up at the foothills that could still be seen above the crowd of heads around us. I wouldn’t mind strolling around some classic Georgian architecture.

“I have an idea…I’ll know it when I see it,” he said cryptically. I gave him a skeptical look, but then he changed subjects.

“So, how was last night?” he asked with a lopsided grin.

“What do you mean?” I asked, frowning.

“Well, you and Bella were gone quite a while…did you have fun?” he asked, grinning at me.

I was suddenly steaming, as I realized that the assumption that must have gone round the table in our absence was a lot more damning that what had really happened. “I told you, it’s not like that. We’re…” I stalled out in my anger, realizing that I didn’t even know if I could say we were friends. “I mean, she’s just…”

Emmett was laughing at me, making me even angrier. Trying to explain this to Emmett was beyond ridiculous, so I gave up and just glared at him instead.

“Edward, seriously man, what is your problem? She’s beautiful, she obviously likes you…” Emmett stopped when I shot a look at him.

“What do you mean, obviously?” I said, eyeing him, wondering what he had seen, or heard, that I missed.

“I mean, are you dense? She’s looking at you with those big, brown eyes…”

“Shut up, Emmett,” I said, regretting my question instantly. He rolled his eyes at me and we kept walking in silence. Bay Street was more crowded than Bourbon Street at Mardi Gras. I wondered if Alice and Bella would even be able to find the stores they were looking for, but then I realized that no one could really keep Alice away, once she found a shopping target. Emmett and I crossed the throng, getting slightly separated in the process. When we reached the other side of the street, Emmett ducked into a narrow alley between shops and kept heading south, towards the foothills.

The alley opened up into one of the streets parallel to Bay Street. Emmett quickly crossed the street and kept going down another alley. This same alley seemed to drill a straight path through the buildings, climbing up the foothills along the way. By the time we had reached the next street, the surrounding shops and houses looked a little shabbier and the road had turned from paved to dirt. We had left the tourist traps behind and were solidly in the local section of town. Emmett saw something he liked and swerved to the right, heading for what looked like a tavern of some kind. Neon signs and dusty windows made it even seedier than the closed shops and abandoned buildings that surrounded it.

Inside was a smoky bar, filled with local residents enjoying a game of darts and watching some kind of sports game on the small TV tucked up in the corner of the room. All heads turned when we walked in, two obvious tourists. With our clean cut clothes, and especially Emmett with his shocking blonde hair, we stood out like aristocrats at a hoedown. I glanced at Emmett to see if he was really serious about this excursion into the local color, but he had an ear-splitting grin on his face.

“Perfect!” he said, looking around with satisfaction, and walking up to take a seat at the bar. I sighed and followed him, taking the seat next to him and wondering if I would have been better off going shopping with Alice and Bella.

Emmett ordered us two Diet Cokes, and turned around to survey the patrons. There was an assortment of people, from the grizzled old-timers with the cue sticks, hanging out by the pool table, to the two scantily clad, dark haired young women who were already checking out Emmett from their vantage point at the other end of the bar, no doubt planning their next move. I turned back to my Diet Coke in disgust, stirring the ice cubes with the swizzle-stick-and-cherry combination the bartender had use to dressed it up. I looked around the bar for something to distract me, given that Emmett would soon be occupied by female attention. The dart board looked promising until some burly looking locals wandered over and started making bets.

I sighed and drank my soda, wondering how far Bella and Alice had gotten through the crowds on Bay Street. I was actually looking forward to lunch, now, thinking I could probably keep my staring to a minimum. I wanted to talk to Bella—I was curious about her, intrigued actually, and if I was going to be able to spend some time with her, I could at least find out more about her. There was no reason I couldn’t talk to her, right?

I shook my head at myself. Talking to yourself, Edward. Not good. I took another drink of my soda, and noticed that the two girls had made their way to Emmett, who was smiling and looking like he thought he had won the lottery. When I realized that I actually would prefer to be shopping with Bella and Alice, rather than sitting in a dark bar watching Emmett flirt, I pushed the half-drunk drink away from me.

Turning to Emmett and tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention, I said, “I’m going for a walk.” He nodded and waved at me, barely breaking his attention from the girl who was talking to him, whispering something to him while she twirled her painted nails through the hair at the back of his neck. I shook my head and left.

The sun was brilliant as I left the tavern and I squinted against it. I figured I would just continue heading up the alley, towards the foothills. I could kill some time strolling through the older section of town, taking in some colonial architecture along the way, before I came back and retrieved Emmett from the den of iniquity.

The tavern was bordered by a wooden plank walkway, that apparently ended at the alley—I stumbled as I missed the step at the end. Swerving into the darkened alley, I could see a little better, shielded from the glare of the sun. The day seemed to have grown suddenly hot and muggy. I was a little surprised when I dragged the back of my hand across my forehead and it came away soaking wet—I hadn’t realize how hot it was. The heat was making me tired, too. I briefly looked up the long series of alleyways climbing the foothills, and wondered if it was going to be more of a climb than I thought. Did missing one session in the gym with Emmett really make me that out of shape?

I shuffled along the alleyway, finally reaching the next cross street. I was momentarily blinded again by the bright sun as I broke out of the alley into the street. I narrowed my eyes against the onslaught of the light, and tried to look around to orient myself and see if there was another way up the foothills that maybe didn’t involve climbing up the steep alleyways. I was disoriented a little by the sun and felt a little dizzy. I decided I would have a better view from the darkened alley just ahead, so I stumbled on and managed to reach the alley.

I paused, my hand against the cool wall of the building. I realized that I was breathing hard and my heart was pounding as if I had been running. My head was starting to hurt. That dizzy feeling came back with a vengeance and suddenly I was falling through space. The last thing I remembered was the dull smacking sound my head made as it hit the dirt floor of the alley, and sinking into blackness.

BPOV

Alice’s tiny hand had a death-grip on mine as we made our way through the tourist crowds on Bay Street. It was a good thing, too, because if I lost my tow-hold on her I was afraid I’d never find her again in this sea of humanity. I breathed a sigh of relief as we stepped inside one of the shops—it was a bit less crowded inside the store, but not by much. The apparel seemed to be mostly beachwear—shorts, bathing suits, and some crazy looking hats that I wouldn’t be caught dead in. Alice squealed in delight and started ransacking the racks. I mostly carried things for her.

Shopping had never been my forte, mostly because I didn’t really see the point. I mean, sure, I needed clothes that were suitable to the occasion, but most of the occasions involved me studying in the library and there really wasn’t much of a dress code there. This trip had presented a bit of a challenge, and mom had dragged me to a number of stores to stock up on ‘cruise wear’—whatever that was. I was pretty sure there was nothing else I needed. However, Alice seemed to have a need for just about anything that caught her fancy.

I didn’t really mind, though. Alice was sweet, and I was pleased she wanted me along as her shopping buddy. She bounced from rack to rack, blissfully examining the contents and chattering away. I smiled a little as she prattled on about some linen shirt she had just found, and thought about how different she was from her brother, Edward. Edward was serious—about everything, it seemed. I was looking forward to lunch and having a chance to ask him more about his plans for the Navy and why he chose that path. I had managed not to stare at him—or at least managed not to completely ogle—when we had departed the ship this morning. Maybe I could make it through lunch without embarrassing myself…

“Oh, Bella, you would look divine in this!” Alice exclaimed, holding up a bright blue bathing suit that was about the size of a postage stamp.

“Alice, I can’t wear that!” I protested.

“Of course you can—and I guarantee it will make Edward’s eyes bug out of his head!” she said, delighted in her choice and smiling smugly.

I flushed at the thought. “I doubt that,” I muttered, eyeing the suit that left very little to the imagination. Alice was watching me, thoughtfully.

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend, you know,” she said slyly. “He likes the quiet, thoughtful types.”

“Who?” I asked, still pretending to examine the bathing suit, but I had to admit a thrill was going through me with this new piece of information. I was much more interested than I should be in what she was saying.

She gave me a disgusted look. “My brother—you know, the good looking one with the bronze hair, not the ridiculous blonde flirty one,” she smirked.

I had to laugh at her characterization of Emmett. “Oh,” I said, hoping my laughter was hiding my nervousness, but Alice wasn’t fooled. I was still trying to avoid her gaze and became suddenly interested in rack of hideous island t-shirts.

She shook her head, black spikes shaking with disapproval. I pretended not to notice as she slipped the blue suit in with the other clothes in the ‘approved for purchase’ pile. She continued to hold up various clothes that she thought would look good on me—I was starting to feel like Dress-Up Barbie by the time we were ready to leave.

Laden with packages, we hit a couple more stores along the way, trying to spend as little time outside as possible. The crowds were starting to thin a little as the tourists dispersed to their various destinations, but it was still crowded. It was getting close to our appointed lunch time, and I suggested to Alice that we may want to get a reservation early, just to beat the crowds. She agreed and we started heading back to our rendezvous point, scouting for restaurants along the way.

As we passed a darkened alley, I glanced down the long string of alleys that climbed up the foothills and froze. Several streets away, two burly men were beating and kicking a third man who lay on the ground. I was shocked by the sight of it. They reached down, handling him roughly, and searched his pockets for something. Then they each took one arm of the inert form on the ground and started dragging him forward, out of the alley way and into the sunlight. I saw a flash of bronze hair…Edward!

“Call the police,” I said flatly without looking at Alice, who had finally turned around to see what I was staring at. I was running down the alley toward them before I realized what I was doing. I broke out of the darkened alley into a brightly lit street, ran across without taking my eyes off them, and plunged into the second alleyway. I stumbled as the paved road turned to dirt. God, Bella, this is not the time to fall down.

I dropped the bags I had been carrying as a plan formed in my head. They had dragged Edward away from my line of sight now, down the brightly lit street. I shoved my hand in my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, flipping it open and holding it like a weapon. I reached the end of the alley and rounded the corner to see them dragging him towards some kind of bar.

“Hey!” I shouted, sounding far calmer than I felt, trying to get their attention and holding the cell phone up towards them, as if I was taking a picture. They turned and squinted in the sunlight at me. I hoped they didn’t see my hand trembling as I continued holding the cell phone in what I thought looked like a threatening manner. “I’ve got your picture!” I shouted again, with as much force as I could muster. “The police are on the way!”

They dropped Edward and he landed with a sickening thud on the ground and didn’t move…at all. Fear ripped through my heart—was I too late? I ripped my eyes away from his still body and stared at the thugs who were now looking me up and down, obviously deciding whether I was a threat or not. My feet were planted wide in defiance and I kept holding the phone out, as they took a tentative step towards me. I realized I didn’t really have a Plan B, when I heard Alice come skittering out of the alleyway behind me, talking furtively into her phone. Thank God!

Either two small girls with cell phones were too much for the cowards to handle, or they decided my threat about the police was real—either way, they looked briefly at each other and decided to turn tail and run. I didn’t wait until they were out of sight—I just ran over to Edward, panic clutching at my chest. He was face down in the dirt.

“Edward! Edward, wake up!” I whispered hoarsely as I knelt down to him and tried to turn him over. He groaned, holding his stomach and trying to open his eyes in the glaring light.

“Bel…?” he said, thickly. Oh thank God!

“Edward, you need to get up—we need to get out of here…” I said urgently, trying to pull him up to a sitting position. He tried to open his eyes, but I could see that they were unfocused and that the sun hurt them. He seemed to hear what I was saying, though, because he tried to get to his feet. His legs were wobbly and he was clutching his head with one hand. His free hand was reaching for me, so I grabbed it and tried to help him up. Alice had been hovering nearby, talking on her phone. I vaguely wondered if the police were really coming, but decided it didn’t matter—we needed to leave before the thugs decided to return with reinforcements. Alice helped Edward up too, shoving her tiny shoulder under his arm, trying to balance him.

“Em…” he was saying. “Bar…”

“Oh, God, where’s Emmett?” Alice said, and I could see from the panicked look on her face she didn’t think it was good that Edward and Emmett were separated.

“Bar…” Edward repeated, trying to stand on his own. He was still shaky, but seemed to be getting stronger.

“It’s this way,” I said, turning him around to face the bar. I was pretty sure he still couldn’t see it, the way he shied away from the light. I kept his arm gripped in mine and guided him toward the run down bar just a couple doors down. Edward stumbled a little, but was obviously trying not to lean on me.

As we entered the bar, Alice got back on the phone, speaking quickly and quietly. In the dark inside, Edward seemed to be able to open his eyes a little more. He let go of me and staggered to the bar. Everyone in the bar was staring at us, and the place had gone silent except for the small TV whispering in the corner.

“Wheres..he?” Edward demanded, his voice slurring. The bartender gave him a cold look and said, “You’ve had too much, buddy. Time to leave.”

Edward took a deep breath and pounded his fist into the bar, making half the patrons in the bar jump, including the bartender and I. He then reached quickly over the bar, grabbing the bartender by the shirt, and demanded slowly, very close to his face, “Where…is…he?”

The bartender’s eyes were wide—he jerked his head to a door at the back of the bar. Edward released him and stumbled toward the door, holding onto the bar for support along the way. The two girls who had been standing at the bar quickly scattered to make way for him. Alice and I were right behind him as he leaned heavily against the door and opened it up, Alice still whispering into her phone.

It was a small dark room, with just a cot, chair and a small dresser. Emmett was lying on the cot, hands and feet bound behind him by zip ties. I looked wildly around for something to cut the ties with. I felt like we were trapped in this tiny room, and that we needed to get out immediately. Somehow we had to get Emmett untied. Alice was off the phone and trying to get Emmett to wake up. Edward was leaning one hand against the wall, breathing hard. I quickly looked through the dresser and found a pair of scissors, along with a scattering of more zip ties and what looked like an old roll of duct tape. I grabbed the scissors and quickly climbed on top of Emmett, making sure he didn’t move while I cut his binds.

“Alice, we have to get out of here,” I said, my voice rising in panic. Her eyes were wide as well, looking alarmed at the insurmountable obstacle of trying to move Emmett. There was no way either of us was going to be able to hold him up. There was some kind of movement outside the room, in the bar, and I felt like our time was running out.

Edward was still leaning one hand against the wall, and one clutching his head. I stepped quickly up to him and said in a hoarse whisper, “Edward, we have to get Emmett out of here.” He shook his head as if to clear it, looked at me with those unfocused eyes, and nodded. He launched himself away from the wall, and staggered to Emmett, who was now moaning on the bed, his head lolling back and forth. Alice was trying in vain to get him to sit up.

“Em! Got…to…go,” Edward shouted in his brother’s ear as he hauled him up to sitting. He took one of Emmett’s arms, slung it over his neck and lifted him to standing. He teetered backward and I thought they were both going to fall, but Edward caught his balance again, grimacing. Emmett’s head slumped against Edward, but he seemed to be able to stand with Edward’s support. I led the way out the door, and Alice brought up the rear. As we emerged from the small room, I looked warily around the bar. I half expected to see the two thugs from the street again, but just saw a bunch of locals gawking at us suspiciously. Still, I kept watch as Edward and Emmett slowly staggered through the bar and towards the door. I didn’t know what I thought I might do if someone tried to stop us—maybe threaten someone with my cell phone again. In any event, they would have to go through me first. Maybe I could fall down in front of them, at least slow them down. Thankfully, we made it to the door unmolested and were soon outside.

Then the impossible occurred. Mom, Phil, Esme and Carlisle came around the corner from the alleyway, running with worried looks on their faces to rescue us. I didn’t understand it—it didn’t make any sense. How could they have known? Mom was hugging me, and I told her I was fine—Edward and Emmett were the ones who needed help. Carlisle was already on the phone, calling 911, I think. Phil was helping Edward carry Emmett over to the far side of the street, where they could sit in the shade.

I was trembling in my mom’s arms all of a sudden, the adrenaline and anxiety starting to take a toll on me. We found Esme and Alice and huddled—I realized Alice must have called our parents when I asked her to call the police. All things considered, it seemed like a pretty good move at the moment.

Before I knew it, there was an ambulance coming down the street, and Edward and Emmett were being loaded into it. Edward didn’t want to sit on the stretcher, but Carlisle made him. Carlisle climbed in the back of the ambulance and suddenly they were gone, sirens blazing, leaving a small dust storm behind them. Alice hugged me before she and Esme climbed into a taxi that had appeared out of nowhere. They must be headed to the hospital.

I shuddered. My mom squeezed me tighter, her arm firmly clamped around my shoulders. I was very, very tired. I closed my eyes, just for a moment, resting my head on my mom’s shoulder. I must have fallen asleep, or something, because the next thing I knew Phil was carrying me up the gangplank of the Miss Liberty. I closed my eyes again, too tired to care.

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Chapter: 6

Chapter 6 – Sunshine

BPOV

I woke up later, feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I was disoriented and I wasn’t sure if it was day or night—being in the belly of a ship did that to you. I flipped on the light and checked my watch. It was either three in the afternoon or three in the morning—that was no help. I didn’t want to call and wake up Phil and Renee, so I decided to just drag a brush through my hair and venture forth. When I realized my clothes were still caked with dust, the events of the morning came back and kicked my pulse up a notch. I needed to find out if Edward was okay.

I quickly changed clothes and washed up. Once I stepped out of my cabin, I realized it must still be the afternoon, as the hallways were filling up with passengers returning from Nassau. I knew the ship left port at five o’clock—were the Cullens still at the hospital? I knocked on mom and Phil’s door. When mom opened the door, I could tell she had been crying, probably worrying about me. I regretted that I had been sleeping for so long.

“Mom, are you okay?” I asked, not liking the deep worry lines on her forehead.

“Oh, honey,” she hugged me tight. “Are you okay? Phil said you needed to rest…I’ve been going crazy!” I smiled a tight smile of thanks to Phil for managing the mom situation.

“I’m better now,” I said, coming in and sitting on the bed. “Phil was right, I just needed a rest. Have you heard anything—from the hospital, I mean?” Somehow I didn’t want to say his name, afraid I might reveal how frightened I had been. I didn’t want to freak mom out anymore than she already was.

“Yes. The boys are going to be fine,” she said. “Carlisle—I mean, Dr. Cullen—said they had been drugged with some kind of…I don’t know what it was called…”

“Rohypnol,” interjected Phil. “It’s like some kind of date-rape drug…”

“Right,” my mom interrupted him. “But I guess it gets used for kidnapping sometimes…” Her eyes were starting to well up with tears again.

“But they’re okay, right?” I said soothingly, immensely relieved myself. “We’re all okay, so you don’t need to worry about it, right?” I tried a half-hearted smile, but it didn’t work.

“I just can’t believe…you were so close…it could have been you…” The tears were coming again.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one they tried to drug and kidnap, Mom,” I tried to smile and lighten the mood. “I mean, they took one look at me and ran. They knew better than to try and mess with me and my cell phone.” That earned me a nervous laugh. That part was still a mystery to me, though—I guess sometimes you just have to get lucky.

“Oh, Bella, my brave Bella,” she said, hugging me again. “What would I do without you?”

When she released me again, I asked, “Are the Cullens coming back? I mean, the ship leaves in…” I glanced at my watch again, “…like 2 hours.”

My mom smiled at me in a knowing way that was very confusing, like she was in on some secret of which I had no knowledge—very unsettling. “Dr. Cullen said they would be okay to come back to the ship before we left, but that they would have to rest. He said the drug had made them disoriented and groggy…kind of like being drunk, only they weren’t…but that there weren’t any permanent effects and they should be back to normal by tomorrow.”

I sighed with relief, knowing they were okay and, even better, that they were coming back to the ship. I at least wanted to see Edward one more time, just to see for myself that he was okay. “Um, what about Edward? I mean, I saw them beating him up pretty bad…” My mom got that worried look again. Oops. I should have left that part out.

“Well, Dr. Cullen didn’t say anything about that…”she said, concerned again.

“Oh, then, it must have been fine. I mean, he’s a really great doctor and I’m sure he’ll make sure they’re all taken care of,” I prattled on, trying to look for an exit to this conversation. “You know what? I’m starved. I never did get any lunch. Would you mind if we went and got something to eat?”

“If there’s something this cruise ship has, it’s food!” said Phil, enthusiastically, picking up on my lead. Good job, Phil. Remembering that Phil was the one who had carried me, heroically, back to the ship, I gave him my warmest smile ever.

“Lead the way, Phil!” I said, standing up and leaving mom with no choice but to stop crying and join us. “I’m thinking hot dogs with the works. Do you think we could find some of those?”

“Anything you want, Bella,” he said softly, a little of his own concern showing for a moment. I squeezed his hand as I took his in one hand, and mom’s in the other, and towed them out of the cabin.

EPOV

The sun was streaming in the porthole, prying my eyes open. I rolled over and pulled the blankets over my head, blocking the light. I winced as my ribs protested, still sore from the beating I had received yesterday. I was groggy…but the normal kind, the kind you have when you haven’t completely woken up yet—not the hazy, drug-induced kind. Yesterday was a nightmare, and I had the bruises to prove it.

I didn’t remember everything that happened. Dad said that memory loss was a side-effect of the drug, but there were some things that I remembered…Bella leaning over me, calling my name …dragging Emmett out of the bar…riding in the ambulance, wondering if Emmett was going to be okay. Alice had filled me in on the details, but it still seemed like it had happened to someone else.

Emmett was snoring loudly, precluding any attempts at going back to sleep. Apparently, whoever had drugged us had slipped it into our drinks at the bar. Emmett had no doubt gotten the full dose—I was lucky to have left half my drink behind when I left the bar. That was probably the only reason we were still here, today—that, and Bella coming to our rescue. I smiled as I thought of Alice’s retelling of Bella’s heroic rescue—how she had somehow frightened off the kidnappers who were hauling me off for some unknown, but undoubtedly unpleasant, fate. How she had managed it, I didn’t really know, but I was very much looking forward to hearing the full story from her.

Slowly, tenderly, I rolled my legs out of bed and sat gingerly on the edge. The dizziness of yesterday was gone, along with the light-sensitivity. Whatever Carlisle had given me last night for my splitting headache had finally kicked in, and my head only had a dull throbbing now. I was lucky to not have a concussion. I felt a deep weariness, but that was probably just the shock still wearing off. My legs had been still wobbly when we boarded the ship last night, so we came in on wheelchairs. Embarrassing, but at least we didn’t fall off the gangplank. I tested them out by slowly walking to the bathroom and starting up the shower—so far, so good.

I stood under the hot water a long time, thinking about the day before. I still couldn’t believe our luck, getting away with a few bruises and a hangover. I was glad I was out of it for a while. Alice said that mom had completely panicked and had only settled down once Emmett and I were checked out by dad. It seemed impossible that everything had worked out okay in the end, and we were here back on the ship. It was as if there was some purpose to it, something I couldn’t quite wrap my still fuzzy mind around…

I dressed quietly, slipping on a t-shirt and shorts, not wanting to wake Emmett. I was sure he would need the rest. However, there didn’t seem much danger of waking him, with the logs he was sawing. Then I heard a knock. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was a knock at all, with Emmett’s noise blocking out all other sounds. I checked the peephole, and saw her standing outside my door. Bella.

I quickly pulled open the door, a smile wide on my face. “Hi,” I said, suddenly feeling a whole lot better.

She looked a little nervous. “Hi. I hope I didn’t wake you up. I didn’t want to knock too loud,” she said, peering over my shoulder at the racket coming from Emmett’s bed.

“It’s okay, I don’t think a fire alarm could wake Emmett right now,” I said, stupid grin still on my face. It was really good to see her, and not just because she was so good to look at. She was wearing white shorts and a blue halter-top that bared most of her shoulders, her dark hair spilling over them. I took a deep breath.

“Well, I just wanted to check and see how you were doing,” she said, still nervous. “If you’re still resting…”

“No, I just got up, in fact,” I said, moving outside and quietly closing the door behind me so that we were standing in the hall together. “Maybe we could go for a walk. I don’t really want to stay here and listen to Emmett snore.” She seemed to like the idea, because a shy smile brightened her face.

“Okay. Are you sure you’re all right to walk?” she said, looking a little concerned.

“I’m fine,” I said, leading the way down the hall, trying to ignore the soreness in my sides and back. I was pretty sure my t-shirt covered up all the bruises. “Would you like to go get some coffee?”

She smiled more confidently, now, saying “That would be great.”

We went down to the deck with the rock wall, where we had met before. I ordered coffees while Bella found a spot for us to sit. The place she picked was perfect—on the opposite side of the spacious lounge from where she had sat before. Tucked into a window alcove was a small couch warmed by the sun. We were sheltered from the early morning bustle of the lounge and rock wall by some large potted ferns that blocked our view.

“Double latte, extra cream?” I said, handing her the cup. I grinned when she looked surprised, taking it and cradling it in her hands.

“You remembered?” she said, slightly incredulous. I gave her an amused look and said quietly, “Some credit, please?”

I tried not to wince as I sat in the deep soft couch. We sipped our coffees for a moment, settling in. She tucked her legs up under her, still holding and blowing on her coffee, and staring at me with an odd look of concern.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked again, setting her coffee down.

“Why?” I asked, hoping she hadn’t seen me flinching.

“Well…I saw them—when they were beating you up. It looked pretty bad…” Her look of concern had deepened to worry, her eyebrows knitting together in a scowl. I cringed at the thought of her having witnessed that. I wanted to erase that look of worry, but I felt compelled to be honest with her.

“I have a few bruises,” I admitted, adding quickly, “but nothing that won’t heal.”

She had a grim look on her face, as if she suspected as much. Then something occurred to me and I smiled widely again.

“If it wasn’t for you, rescuing me, I’m sure it would have been much worse,” I said, drawing closer to her, and gently touching her cheek with my hand and brushing her hair away from her face. “Which reminds me,” I said, still smiling and gazing into those warm brown eyes, “I never had a chance to thank you.”

Slowly, trying to make sure she was okay with it, I bent closer and touched my lips to hers. I meant to kiss her softly, gently brushing her lips with mine, so that if she didn’t want my touch it could be easily dismissed. And, in all fairness, it did start out that way. But as soon as my lips touched hers, an electric jolt shot up through my body, causing me to gasp—and then I was pulling her towards me, my hand gently but firmly behind her neck and holding her cheek, pressing my lips urgently into hers. My other hand was on her other cheek, pulling her even closer, and I was kissing her deeply. I pulled back slightly, breathing ragged and shocked at my own intensity.

“Bella…” I said, my lips still brushing hers as I spoke. I pulled back further, so I could look into her eyes, confessing “I’ve wanted to do that ever since—“

But she didn’t let me finish. Her eyes were hungry, and she reached up behind my neck, fingers lacing into my hair and pressing her lips into mine. The force of it pressed me back into the couch. My hands went to her waist, holding her as she continued kissing me, bearing down on me. My heart was pounding ferociously. She was the most incredibly delicious thing I had ever felt. Too soon, she pulled away, breathing as hard as I was.

I didn’t want her to go anywhere, so I lifted her up by the waist, sweeping her legs to the side so she was sitting in my lap. I cradled her to me, softly kissing her along her jawbone, inhaling the amazing smell of her skin. When I had worked my way to her ear, kissing her softly behind her earlobe, she shivered, and that just about undid me. I stopped kissing her and just held her, pressing my face into her hair, and breathing her in. We stayed that way a long time, breathing together until our hearts calmed. Contentment spread through me. I couldn’t imagine anywhere I would rather be at that moment.

“You’re welcome,” she said softly, and I laughed quietly and resisted the urge to tilt her head up and start kissing her again. She snuggled down in my arms, head resting on my shoulder, her nose nearly skimming my neck. I could feel her soft, slow breath on my neck and it was sending shivers down my spine.

Trying to find my voice, I said, “Would you tell me something?”

“What?”

“Why is Flag Day important to you?”

I could feel her smile through the thin fabric of my t-shirt. “You remember that, too?” she asked.

“I remember everything about you, Bella,” I said, feeling like I was telling her a terribly important secret.

She paused for a moment, and then started. “My great-grandma’s birthday was Flag Day—June fourteenth, every year. She died this last winter.”

I was aimlessly stroking her hair, running my fingers through it and enjoying how soft it was. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. “You miss her,” I stated, gently.

“She was an amazing lady,” she said, voice tinged with sadness and a kind of awe. “She was very adventurous, traveled everywhere.” She had pulled back slightly to tell her story, so she was no longer breathing on my neck. This was a good thing, as it was about to drive me mad with her lips whispering on my skin.

“When she was eighty, she decided to go on an African safari. She couldn’t get her friends to go with her, so she just signed up and went on her own. She always brought back souvenirs for me. One time, she drove all the way from Phoenix to Alaska, just to see the glaciers.” She paused for a moment, adding quietly, “She would have loved to come on this cruise.”

I held her a little tighter, in silent wonder at this amazing creature I held in my arms. I had a vision of Bella as a scrappy little 80 year old woman, off on some kind of adventure, possibly taking on bands of thieves with her cane. I tried not to smile, and kissed the top of her head again, sighing.

She sat up suddenly, hands gently lingering on my chest, and asked, “Am I hurting you, leaning on you like this?” Truthfully, the dull ache of my bruises was more than compensated by the delicious feeling of her touching me with her hands. I smiled wickedly at her, and trapping her hand against my chest, said, “Please, hurt me some more…”

She pretended to disapprove, shaking her head, but she was smiling too. “Seriously, where are you hurt?” She tried to lift the edge of my t-shirt to see, as if she knew where the bruises were—which she probably did, having witnessed the whole thing.

I lifted her hand away from my shirt, lacing her fingers in mine and saying, still grinning, “I don’t think you’re qualified to play doctor with me, Miss Swan.” She blushed that delicious pink color and it spread all the way down to her shoulders. Breathing in sharply, I pulled her close, kissing her again, and I could feel that electric feeling shoot up in me. I settled her back down on the couch before I could get too carried away.

“You still haven’t told me how you rescued me…” I said, teasing, but seriously wanting to hear the story.

“There’s not much to tell,” she said, clearly not wanting to revisit it.

“Well, I don’t remember much at all—as you may recall, I was unconscious at the time,” I said, still smiling. “I remember you, calling my name,” I said more seriously. “Alice says you scared them off with your phone?”

“Pretty much,” she said, relenting. “I told them I had taken their picture and that the police were on their way. I don’t think they believed me until Alice came up behind me, on the phone. That’s when they decided we were too much for them to handle,” she smiled slightly at this, “and took off.”

I raised my eyebrows, impressed. Bella was resourceful as well as brave. I tried to picture Bella taking on the kidnappers, armed only with her cell phone and bravado—there was something irresistibly attractive about it.

“Did I already thank you for that?” I said, softly, moving to kiss her again. “I think I need to thank you again…” She laughed as I peppered her cheek with soft kisses. I really wanted to lower my kisses to her bare shoulders, but decided that wasn’t a good idea if I wanted to maintain any kind of self-control. I looked at her warm, brown eyes instead, feeling myself get lost in them.

“Would you tell me something?” she echoed me, staring intently into my eyes.

“Anything,” I blurted out, a little embarrassed with how readily I meant that.

“Why did you decide to join the Navy?”

I drew back a little, studying her. I didn’t think she was critical of my choice...just curious. I wasn’t sure how to explain it.

“Well, I started out thinking I would train to be an EMT, but shadowing Emmett around Forks got old pretty fast,” I grimaced, pausing. “I was looking to do something different, something that could really make a difference. I heard about the linguist program—it’s very hard to get into, so I wasn’t sure if I could pass the tests. Most of the work is highly classified, so I’ll have to get a clearance as well. Once I do, I’ll get a chance to travel all over the world, see things I would never see in Forks. If I could get in, it just seemed too good to pass up.” I had nervously spilled it all out in a rush, and now I was waiting to see what she thought.

She had listened intently, absorbing every word. “So, you took the tests, and now you’re in. What are you going to study at the Institute? Is it two solid years of learning Farsi?” she asked.

I smiled, enjoying that she wanted to know so much about it. I hadn’t really been able to talk to anyone but Alice about it, not in depth, and even she had a limited interest in it. “It will take two years at the Institute, but I won’t just be learning to speak a language. Learning a language is complicated—it’s part of a culture. So, I’ll be learning all the geo-political aspects to that culture as well—and I’ll be learning to be a sailor, too. By the end, I’ll have my B.A., but most importantly, I’ll be ready to go into the field.”

“The field? You mean, on a ship?”

“Not necessarily—I could be stationed anywhere that needs me—and I’ll probably move around a lot too.”

“Would it be dangerous?” she asked, frowning a little. “Would you be…fighting?”

“It’s possible. I’ll be a soldier, after all, and I could be assigned to a submarine or ship that could see combat.” She frowned more, so I quickly added, “But, it’s not very likely. You want to keep your translators and intelligence crew out of the line of fire, so they can keep the flow of information going.” I had thought about the danger aspect of it, but not really talked to anyone about it, except to assure my mom that I would not be at risk—a bit of a stretch.

Bella didn’t seem very reassured by my explanation, but didn’t press any further. She was quiet. We had drawn closer together while were talking, our private conversation tucked in the corner by the window.

“What are you thinking?” I asked softly, suddenly nervous of what she thought of all this.

“I think you are very brave,” she said quietly, leaving something else unsaid.

“And…?”

“And I guess I’m a little jealous…” she said, looking embarrassed, and turning away from me to look down at her hands between us.

“Jealous?” I said, not understanding at all. “Well, with your Dartmouth admission, I’m pretty sure you could get into the linguist program at the Navy, too, if you wanted…” I said, half joking and half mystified.

“I’m pretty sure they rule out the terminally uncoordinated from serving,” she said wryly. I smiled at her joke, but still didn’t understand what she was getting at. I waited for her as she seemed to be struggling with what she wanted to say. “I just wish I had your sense of purpose,” she said finally, looking up into my eyes again. “It’s a very cool thing you are doing.”

Some feeling I couldn’t identify was welling up inside me. I couldn’t help myself, I just had to kiss her again—softly, tenderly at first, cupping her cheeks in my hands—but then more intensely as she reached around me, pulling me in closer to her. I let my hands caress down her neck, trying not to moan as I felt the soft skin of her bare shoulders under my palms. Gripping her shoulders tighter, I slowly pulled back from her, not wanting to break from the sweetness of her lips, but very much needing to stop.

Breathless, I mumbled, “Um…maybe I should go…um, check on Emmett.”

She nodded, smiling slightly, but looking away from me. “Okay.”

As we awkwardly stood up to leave the lounge, my mind was whirling with feelings I didn’t really understand. I had this need to touch and kiss Bella that just didn’t seem to stop, and it wasn’t only because she was so very nice to touch. I wasn’t at all certain of what she thought of it, but she didn’t seem to mind too much. However, there was one thing I was sure of: I was going to spend as much time with Bella as possible.

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Chapter: 7

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Chapter 7 – Dining

BPOV

I was almost shaking with the nervous energy left over from my morning coffee with Edward. I was still trying to convince myself it wasn’t some kind of amazing dream. He had walked me back to my cabin and we had agreed to meet later for lunch, after he had had a chance to check in on Emmett. He had kissed me again before he left, making my heart stutter frantically. Then he whispered in my ear, It’s a date, before beaming sunshine at me and leaving.

A date. I sat on the edge of my bed, hands lying limp in my lap, trying to take it all in. Somehow, improbably and beyond all reason, Edward wanted to be with me. I didn’t understand it, but I wanted to hold onto it like a shimmering dream that would evaporate if I stopped thinking about it. He wanted to be with me. That I wanted to be with him was so obvious it didn’t even need stating—but that he wanted to be with me was so dazzling I was having a hard time comprehending it. Maybe he was just really grateful for my timely intercession with the cell phone…maybe he would come to his senses later, after yesterday faded away…I shook my head, trying to dispel those negative thoughts. Today, at least, we had a date.

It was then that I looked around my dimly lit room and saw all the packages for the first time. Bags and bags of what could only be the results of Alice’s shopping littered the floor of my room. I peeked inside one and found the tiny blue bathing suit that she had picked out for me—and promptly returned that one to the bag. The other bags had more reasonable contents—a couple of sleeveless shirts, something made of shear fabric that, perhaps, was a pool cover-up, and a green cocktail dress that seemed to be meant for dinner. Alice must have gotten my mom’s help to slip all this into my room while I was out with Edward. Which reminded me, I should probably check in with her to see what they had planned for the day.

I called Phil and my mom—they were out by the pool, enjoying the sun-filled day. I unpacked the bags that Alice had left, hanging everything up in the tiny closet in my cabin, except for the bathing suit bag, which I stuck far into the back of the closet. Then I left the cabin and climbed up several flights of stairs to the twelfth deck. Emerging from the artificial light of the hallways into the brilliant tropical sun made me wish I had brought my sunglasses. The twelfth deck was so high up in the air it felt as if we were flying over the ocean, rather than sailing on it. I gripped the inside railing, just in case, walking slowly toward the front of the deck to the pool.

“Hey,” I said, carefully giving the pool a wide berth and perching on the lounge chair next to my mom. She was soaking up rays with her book in one hand and some tropical drink with an umbrella in the other. My mom always looked so at home in the sun, with her bronzed skin and blonde wavy hair, as if she was a born beach bunny. I looked like I needed shades and a hat, just to avoid turning into a lobster. Even though my skin was unnaturally pale, thanks to my father, I still managed to avoid major sunburn, thanks to mom’s sun-resistant genes.

“Hey, sweetie!” she exclaimed, setting her drink down and pushing up her sunglasses to look at me.

“Where’s Phil?” I asked, just now noticing he wasn’t hanging around. I was surprised to see them separated.

“He’s in the pool, playing some kind of water game…” She gestured to the nearby pool, which had a lively game of water volleyball going on. Phil was easily the largest player there, but he was getting trounced by some younger, college-age guys. He looked like he was having a great time.

“So, how is Edward?” mom asked, leaning forward and talking quietly, conspiratorially.

“He’s fine. Great. We had coffee.” Mom was smiling that knowing look again. “Mom, what?” I demanded—that look was really starting to annoy me.

“He is pretty cute…” she said, smiling. I rolled my eyes at her, shaking my head.

“Oh, c’mon, Bella,” she scolded, edging closer to me, throwing a glance at Phil to make sure he was still occupied in the pool. “You always talked to me about boys before…”

“Mom, I never talk to you about boys,” I replied dryly.

“You always tell me about Mike…”

“Mike’s a friend.”

“Well, you always told me about Tyler, when he had that big crush on you… and what about that other boy…what’s his name? James?” She was fishing, now. James…I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, and didn’t really care to. I had hoped she had just forgotten about it.

“Mom, those guys are just friends,” I said, impatient for this conversation to be over.

“And Edward?” she probed, eyes alight with curiosity.

Strangely, I couldn’t speak. “I…um…”

“He is very cute…” she said leadingly, smiling.

I sighed, defeated. “He’s insanely gorgeous, Mom. Be real.”

She grinned wider. “So you do like him!” She seemed much more pleased about that than it seemed she should be.

“Well, yes. I mean, who wouldn’t, right?” I smiled, weakly. The last thing I wanted to do was discuss Edward with my mom.

“He seems so nice,” she went on, “and such a sweet family, too!”

“Mom, please…” I protested, starting to feel even more uncomfortable. She took my hand and held it for a moment.

“Okay. Just promise me you’re being safe…” Ugh—definitely not where I wanted this conversation to go.

“Mom!”

“Safe about what?” asked Phil, making me jump nearly out of my chair. I stood up, unsteadily, and glared at my mom, praying she would stop and not say anything in front of Phil. She smiled broadly at Phil.

“I just wanted to make sure Bella would be safe, if she ever decided to try out one of the pools again,” she said, lying smoothly. I was impressed—I didn’t think mom could be that sly on the fly.

“The pool is great, Bella—just like bathwater. You should try it!”

“I think I’ll be sticking to water that only goes up to my knees,” I said, stating something that should be obvious to everyone. “So, what are you guys planning for today?”

“Your mom wants to go mini-golfing—what do you say, Bella?” Phil asked, brightly.

“Um, actually, I’m having lunch with Edward,” I admitted, glancing warningly at my mom, who looked a little too pleased with herself. “I’ll meet up with you guys later, okay?”

“Sure, but you know we’re having dinner tonight with the Cullens, right?” Phil asked, grabbing a towel and starting to dry off.

“Uh, no, you neglected to mention that.”

“Yeah, they invited us to join them. I guess they were pretty impressed with your heroics yesterday, kiddo,” he said, grinning. He glanced at my mom, saying “We’re proud of you Bells, you know that, right?”

“Um, yeah. It was nothing, really” I mumbled, really embarrassed now, and not looking forward to another family dinner—the last one didn’t go well. I made my excuses and left before things could get any more embarrassing.

Edward and I had agreed to meet for lunch at the Portofino restaurant, an Italian restaurant he said was on the 7th deck. I wasn’t really sure what I should wear for our ‘date’. It seemed like I should dress, or change, or something, but I couldn’t bring myself to change clothes, given I had just seen him an hour ago. I settled on putting my hair up—it looked a little fancier, hopefully appropriate for the restaurant.

I found my way, after a few fits and starts, to the seventh deck. Not all the stairs seemed to go to all the decks, so navigating a straight path was challenging, especially for someone directionally handicapped such as myself. I left early for just this reason—I didn’t want to be late for our date, just because I got lost along the way.

I was nervous in a twitchy, agitated kind of way. I had never been on a real date before. Prom was a group thing, and James…well, that was just a mistake. I had definitely never been on a date where I was going to be with an unbelievably good looking man who made my heart flutter whenever I simply thought of his name—not to mention what he did to me when we kissed. I flushed just thinking about it.

The seventh deck was decorated to look like the atrium of an Italian villa. There was a pianist playing somewhere and an archway over the entrance to the restaurant. I was starting to wonder if I was underdressed for the white tablecloth, fine dining that Portofino seemed to be, but I didn’t have time to go back and change. I might never find my way back again. I was a few minutes early, so I waited by the archway, leaning against it and listening to the music. It was beautiful—romantic, sweet—and it sounded familiar. I searched around for the piano. It was tucked in the far corner of the lounge, opposite the archway. I gaped when I realized who the pianist was. Was there nothing Edward didn’t do well?

He was concentrating on playing, his brow furrowed and hands gliding over the keys, his angel face intense. He had changed from the t-shirt he had on before to a short sleeved, white collared shirt. The muscles of his arms flexed under it as he pulled those sweet, sad sounds out of the piano. A strange quivering feeling took hold of me, and I felt mesmerized by the music and the musician. It ended sweetly, gently, and then he paused and looked up at me, as if he had known I had been watching him all along. He smiled, and it was brilliant even from across the room. He got up and quickly crossed the room to greet me. He had changed into khaki slacks, and I felt decidedly underdressed in my halter top and shorts. I was rooted in the spot and couldn’t move, still entranced.

“Hi,” he said, as he reached me, quickly kissing me on the cheek and brushing the back of his fingers along my bare neck, sending shivers down my spine.

“That was beautiful,” I said, breathlessly. “What was it?”

He smiled. “Clair de lune, Debussy. Do you know it?”

“It sounds familiar. I think my mom played it when I was young.”

The host appeared and asked us if we had a reservation. Edward said yes, and I wondered when he had time to do that. The host whisked us off to a table with a window, at the far edge of the restaurant from the piano lounge. The brilliant sun shone on our white table cloth and white dishes, everything sparkling. I still wasn’t convinced this wasn’t some kind of magical dream.

“I figured I would get a view of the horizon, just in case,” he teased, giving me a crooked smile.

“Thanks a lot,” I said, unappreciatively.

Although I should have been hungry, having missed breakfast, the butterflies in my stomach seemed to take up all the room there. We perused the menu and I tried to pick out the thing that would be least offensive to my stomach. I ordered mushroom ravioli, and Edward picked out a pasta dish of some kind. I had a hard time taking my eyes off him, just like the first time I saw him, out on the deck in the moonlight. Only in the dazzling light of day, with his white shirt and tousled bronze hair he seemed like some kind of angelic dream date. He noticed my staring.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, curiously.

“Just…remembering something…” I said, vaguely, trying to think of something to say that didn’t involve drooling over him. He gave me a quizzical look, waiting for me to continue. “I just was thinking that…I think you were wearing that same shirt, the first night I saw you.”

He glanced down at his shirt, and smiled. “You mean the night I scared you into falling into the pool?” he asked with a grin.

I was confused. “Scared me? Unfortunately, I’m capable of falling into pools all on my own.”

He laughed a little and shook his head. “Well, I suppose that’s a good thing, or we may have spent this whole cruise on the boat together and never met. It certainly would have been a lot less interesting trip.”

So he thought I was interesting. I had guessed it might be something like that. Strange girl, falls into pools and wards off criminals with cell phones. It’s just the sort of puzzle that would interest someone smart and analytical like Edward. I sighed internally, resigned. He reached across the table, holding just my fingertips in his hand and gently rubbing the backs of them with his thumb. It was terribly unfair that he could make my blood race with just that simple touch, and all I was to him was interesting.

“So, would you tell me something?” he asked me, as he had this morning. Oh no. There was some other odd Bella factoid that he was curious about, something interesting about me.

“What?” I asked, biting my lip nervously.

“Do you have someone…special? Back home, I mean,” he said, looking oddly nervous. “If I remember correctly, some poor guy Mike is out of the running…” He smiled, slightly.

I frowned—talking about Mike was making me uncomfortable and I regretted my unfortunate openness before. I didn’t want to talk about other guys, as if there were any other guys to talk about. “Mike’s been my friend since…well, forever—since we were kids.” For some strange reason, this made Edward look sad. I pressed on. “We’re just friends, but we’ll be going to Dartmouth together, which I guess is good. At least I’ll know someone there when I start.” I stopped, looking for some way to change the subject.

“So…no one else?” he asked, eyes drilling into mine. Ugh. I guessed I was going to have to come clean about the pathetic state of my love life. I didn’t understand why it was so important, but I guessed that was part of why I was interesting to him.

“No, I…I guess I didn’t see any reason to get involved with anyone, since I’m leaving for college so soon.” I hoped that that was at least a plausible excuse. He had a bittersweet smile on his face that captured me again.

“And you?” I added. Alice had said he didn’t have a girlfriend, but that didn’t seem to make sense—or perhaps he was like Emmett, and had more girlfriends than he could count. The more I thought about it, the more likely that seemed, given his unreasonable good looks.

“No one I found interesting,” he said with a smile, taking my hand in his again, lacing our fingers and slowly tracing his thumb in circles on my palm. I was so distracted by his hand on mine, it took me a moment to process what he said.

“What do you find interesting?” I had to ask, feeling those butterflies beating their wings furiously in my stomach.

“You,” he said simply, looking into my eyes. The way he was looking at me was making it difficult to breathe. Interesting seemed to mean a lot more, all of a sudden. Fortunately, our server arrived with our drinks at that moment, forcing us out of our private intense repartee. I looked out the window for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. We had a beautiful view of the ocean, with small puffy white clouds dotting the royal blue sky.

“So, how is Emmett?” I suddenly remembered to ask, regretting it had taken me so long.

“He was still groggy when I checked in on him, but I think he’ll be fine by dinner.”

“Yeah, I heard our families are having dinner together tonight,” I said, chagrined.

“That’s my mom. She’s been talking non-stop about you and your amazing rescue,” he smiled, seeming to know that I wouldn’t like hearing that.

“There’s no way we can get out of it?” I complained.

“I doubt it—although I would definitely rather have dinner just the two of us.”

“You would?” I asked, butterflies taking flight again.

“Yes, it would give me more time to grill you about your boyfriends. If I torture you long enough, maybe you’ll tell me the truth.” He was grinning now, teasing me.

“You first,” I threw back.

“What? I’m being totally honest with you,” he replied, looking a little affronted. I could tell that he meant it, but felt the need to badger him some more. I was sure there was more to it. James had seemed so sweet in the beginning, too. He had a reputation as a player, and if I had been paying attention to such things, I might have spared myself the trauma.

“Seriously? Somehow, I find it hard to believe that there was no one you found interesting at Peninsula College. For obvious reasons, I’m sure there were plenty of girls that found you interesting…” I was starting to wonder why I was asking this, as I didn’t really want to hear the demoralizing answer—of course someone as gorgeous as Edward would have women all over him. But, somehow, it didn’t seem right to compare Edward to James…Edward was so very…different.

“Do you find me interesting?” he said, leaning in closer over the table, hands resting on his drink and eyes intense. He caught me completely off guard, and did that mesmerizing thing with his eyes again. How did he do that?

“Very much so,” I whispered, mysteriously compelled to honesty and feeling the heat rising up in my face. He smiled that sunshine again and seemed like he wanted to say something, when our server arrived with our food, rescuing me from my embarrassment.

We ate in silence for a while. I was afraid to speak, wondering what in the world I could embarrass myself with next. He asked me how my food was, and I said fine, and we continued in our silence.

“Tell me about Phil and your mom,” he said, conversationally, and I sighed in relief that the grilling was over. “You said they just got married?”

“Yeah. Phil’s okay. My mom left my dad a long time ago, and it’s been just the two of us. My dad’s cool. He’s the police chief in a small town outside Phoenix. He’s just not around a lot. My mom hadn’t gotten serious about anyone, until Phil came along.”

“Your mom said something about moving to Florida?” he asked.

“Well, Phil’s a minor-league baseball player. If he gets picked up by the Marlins, they might move to Florida next month. Since I’m off to college in the fall, there’s no reason for them to stay in Phoenix.”

“So, you’d be alone for the summer?” He seemed concerned about that, although I couldn’t see why.

“I can take care of myself,” I replied.

He smiled suddenly, saying “Of that, I have no doubt.”

“What about your mom and dad?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation safely away from me again. “Will they stay in Forks after you leave?” Thinking about Edward leaving made me cringe—he would be leaving the ship well before he left Forks.

“The amazing Dr. Cullen and his wife will be in Forks forever, I imagine. I don’t know what my mom’s going to do after we leave, though,” he mused.

“We?”

“Alice just graduated too—she’s going to CSU Monterey Bay in the fall, so mom’s losing both of us in the next couple months. That’s why we’re here, on this cruise—one last family outing before we leave,” he explained.

“Did you say Monterey Bay?” I asked, shocked at the coincidence.

“Yes?”

“That’s amazing. My friend Angela is going to Monterey Bay in the fall as well. She’s going to major in journalism—she’s been the editor of our school paper since she was a freshman. What’s Alice going to major in?”

“I don’t think she has any idea. Can you major in shopping?” he asked, sarcastically.

“Not officially. Maybe she could pick Retail Management with a minor in Fashion Studies,” I said with a smile. I could picture Alice taking her shopping to a whole new level at college.

He smiled crookedly in return. “I think my mom mostly wants me to keep an eye on her. But if she thinks that’s possible, I don’t think she understands Alice very well,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s strange that your friend is going to Monterey Bay as well—you should introduce them—maybe Angela can keep Alice on the straight and narrow.”

“More likely, Alice will corrupt poor Angela and turn her into a shopping fiend.” I laughed at the thought of Angela and Alice together, sensing a serious disaster in the making. We slowly made our way through lunch without any further major moments of embarrassment for me. The sun glittered on the sea, reflecting jewels of light into the restaurant, which was slowly filling with other passengers. Occasionally he would touch the back of my hand, or stare into my eyes again and send the butterflies fluttering. I really didn’t know what to make of it, but I didn’t want it to stop, either.

As we finished our meal, and the waiter was retrieving our check, I looked at him for a moment, my hands folded under my chin. His face was as captivating as the first time I saw him. I could imagine scores of college girls sitting in class next to him, ogling him as I was. He must have left many broken hearts behind—anything else just didn’t make sense. I wondered, in passing, if I was going to be next, not that I really concerned myself with that too much. That would require some kind of possibility of being together, and that just didn’t seem in the cards. Still, I couldn’t help but be extremely curious to know what, and who, he was leaving behind in Forks. I didn’t want to chance bringing the subject up again—too much danger of embarrassment. He caught me staring at him, but he just looked at me for a moment with those emerald eyes.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, softly.

“I was wondering what classes you took at school,” I improvised, hoping to get some insight into his life there.

He smiled that crooked smile that made my heart skip. “Well, I took a couple of English Lit classes,” he said, “and some biology. I thought I might go pre-med for a while…” he trailed off.

“Why did you change your mind?” I asked, distracted from my musings about all the girlfriends he must be leaving behind.

He looked a little uncertain, looking down at his hands folded on the table, as if he was deciding whether to tell me the truth. Then he looked up at me from under those long lashes, making me catch my breath. “It’s not the easiest thing, being the son of a very successful doctor in a small town,” he replied with a small smile. “Emmett seems to manage it, but I always felt like I wasn’t quite measuring up to the famous Dr. Cullen,” he continued, quietly. He smiled again, looking into my eyes, “You know, I’ve never really told anyone that before.”

My heart skipped and I had a feeling of liquid warmth flow through me. I didn’t understand why, but he seemed to think he could confide in me, and I wanted him to know that he could.

“Your secrets are safe with me,” I said, and he laughed, breaking the seriousness of the moment. The music of his laughter and his breathtaking smile lifted my heart, and I was sure I had a stupid grin on my face. Irrationally, I hoped that it was true, that he had not shared it with anyone else. Then I would have at least that one thing that belonged just to me.

The waiter came back with the check. After he paid the waiter and we got up to leave, I was suddenly unsure of what was next. Before I could ask, Edward took me by the hand and started leading the way. We wound our way around stairways and decks, Edward seeming to know where we were going. I was completely lost. Finally, we emerged out onto what seemed like the very top of the boat. A cluster of antennas and strange looking instruments loomed above us at the back of the deck. The forward part was a lookout over the front half of the boat—deck after deck below us, teeming with people, but there were only two other couples on the top deck with us.

It seemed strange for me to think of Edward and I as a couple—I wasn’t sure at all what he was thinking about us, or what I was thinking about us, for that matter. As if reading my mind, he turned around. His back resting against the railing, he pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around my waist and trapping my arms up against his chest. There was a slight wind coming from the movement of the boat across the water, but tucked in close to him, our faces only inches away, I was sheltered from the wind and could look easily up into his gorgeous face.

Looking straight into my eyes, he said, smiling “It’s beautiful up here, don’t you think?”

I just nodded, unable to say anything coherent at that moment, with his eyes so close. He bent down and softly brushed his lips against mine, not really kissing me, just touching me with his lips. I couldn’t help but gasp a little, and I hoped that sound was lost in the wind whipping around us. He softly brushed his lips across my cheek and down my jaw, and when he reached my neck, exposed because I had put my hair up, I could feel my knees start to go soft. It was a good thing he had a strong hold on me as he softly placed kisses on my neck and behind my ear.

“Edward…” I gasped, and he froze and then drew back.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered in my ear, just loud enough to be heard over the wind.

“No, I just…” I cleared my throat, acutely aware of the other couples standing on the deck, although they didn’t seem to be watching us, too busy with their own activities. He was smiling at me, and not letting me budge an inch away from him.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked, seeming rather amused by that prospect.

“Well, if I keel over, it’s going to be embarrassing for both of us,” I replied, a little annoyed at the effect he was having on me.

He pulled me closer again, whispering in my ear, “Is there a seriously a danger of you keeling over from my kissing?” His breath was warm on my ear and neck, and just those words were starting to make my knees soft again. This was ridiculous. It was simply unfair that he should have such an impact on me, and be completely immune to it himself. I flattened my hands on his chest and slowly, deliberately, moved them up, across his collarbones, up his neck and laced my fingers through his hair. I reached up on my tip toes, letting my cheek and lips nuzzle his neck on the way up and whispered in his ear, “Yes.” I could hear him gasp and reflexively hold me tighter. I placed two soft kisses just behind his ear before drawing back and daring him with my eyes.

“Okay, you win,” he conceded, breathlessly, and then pulled away slightly, letting the breeze blow through us. My head started to clear a little and I had to smile. So, perhaps I had an effect on him after all? It made me a little dizzy just to think about that prospect.

It was truly beautiful up on the top deck and the wind was making small tendrils of my hair escape from the knot I had tied it in, whipping around my face. He was silently smiling at me, studying me and calm again. I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and he held me gently. We stayed that way, not moving, enjoying the wind and the sun warming us, for a long time. It seemed too perfect to move. I wished that somehow I could capture this moment and keep it.

Finally, I pulled back and said, “You know, I told Phil and mom I would meet up with them later.”

“I suppose it is later,” he replied, not seeming to want to go. Reluctantly, he took my hand and guided me through the maze that was this enormous ship, down more decks than I could keep track of. Once we were inside the ship again, the blazing glory of the day was hidden, and our time on the top deck seemed, again, like some kind of brilliant dream. The way he held my hand as we walked, had a gentle quality to it—as if he were afraid to hold onto me too tightly. The way he kissed me made my head spin, but had a similar tender feel to it. My mind was whirling, trying to understand it all.

As we finally reached my cabin, I turned to say goodbye. Taking both of my hands in his, he smiled. “I very much enjoyed our date.”

“I’ll see you at dinner, right?” I asked, not really looking forward to the dinner part, but very much wanting to see him again. I wasn’t at all sure what we had happening between us, but I was sure that I didn’t want it to stop.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he smirked. Then he let go of my hands and pulled me close to him, one hand behind my neck and the other in the small of my back. He hesitated, checking to see if it was okay, just before pressing his lips to mine. I felt all the breath go out of me as he pressed me against his body and kissed me deeply. Just as I started to feel light-headed, he released me.

Eyes blazing, he said, “See you tonight,” and left me standing there, speechless. It simply wasn’t fair.

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Chapter: 8

Chapter 8 - Candlelight

EPOV

The sweet taste of her lips was still lingering on mine and my heart was still hyped from holding her against me. I had a strange sense of anticipation—not for the dinner tonight, which Bella and I had agreed was something we were simply going to have to endure—but a feeling of time running out. There were so many things I wanted to know about her, and there definitely needed to be more time for holding, touching, kissing…I took a deep breath and felt like I was in danger of falling into a bottomless hold, a severe sense of emotional vertigo taking hold of me and making me dizzy. How could it be that her effect on me just kept getting stronger and stronger? It didn’t make any sense, but I didn’t seem to be able to stop wanting it, just the same.

I checked on Emmett, but he was gone. I noticed that Mom and Dad’s cabin door was propped open, and I found Alice inside. Bags were strewn all over the room and she seemed busy sorting through the purchases she had made yesterday.

“You bought all this before lunch? What would have happened if you’d actually been able to shop the whole day?” I teased, giving her a start. She hadn’t heard me sneak in.

“Ah! Don’t scare me like that,” she scowled, turning back to her clothes. “This is just my half—wait till you see the things I got for Bella!” she added, sending a wicked smile back over her shoulder at me.

“You weren’t supposed to force her to buy things, Alice. She was just helping you.”

“What do you think of this?” she said, ignoring me and turning to hold up a golden dress that had only one sleeve.

“I think you got ripped off—where’s the rest of it?” I joked, earning a dirty look from her. I smiled wider.

“Fine! How about this one?” she said, holding up a maroon dress with some kind of golden threads running through it.

“Makes you look like Queen of the Pixies,” I replied, barely able to contain my smirk. She looked really disgusted now.

“If you keep this up, Edward, I’m not going to tell you what Bella said about you while we were shopping…” she retorted, giving me an angry look and turning away.

What? All humor gone, I asked, “What do you mean?”

“Oh?” she inquired, innocently. “Are you interested?” A small smile was on her lips now.

I was definitely interested, but unsure how much I wanted Alice to know. I was never able to keep secrets from her for very long, anyway, so I figured I might as well fess up.

“Yes, I’m interested,” I said, with only a small glare. “What did she say?”

“Nothing.”

“What?” I demanded, frowning and starting to get mad. Alice didn’t usually play these kinds of games with me.

“It’s not what she said, it’s what she didn’t say.”

“Alice, you’re not making any sense.”

“Well, I mentioned that you didn’t have a girlfriend,” she started, speeding up at my wide eyed look of anger, “and she pretended not to be interested. But, trust me, Edward—she was very interested. So?”

“So, what?” I asked, still angry.

“So, are you going to get together with Bella, or am I going to have to beat some sense into you?” she asked, scooping up a bag and pretending to beat me with it. I held up my hands in mock defense against her feigned attack.

“Um, well, we had lunch today…and coffee…” I mumbled out, knowing it was exactly what she wanted to hear.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, doing a little pixie victory dance and making me smile. More seriously, she added, “You know Mom’s ready to adopt her, right?”

“What?” I asked, outraged again. “Tell me she’s not going to do something horrific at dinner tonight.”

“You know Mom,” she said, just shaking her head. I rolled my eyes, filled with new dread for the dinner tonight. I would just have to try some damage control before dinner, and attempt to avert any major embarrassments—at least for Bella. It was going to be bad for me no matter what.

“She’s really great, you know,” Alice said quietly. “You’re not going to do anything to hurt her, are you?”

It took me a moment to realize she was talking about Bella.

“Why would I hurt her?” I asked, frowning. The last thing in the world I could imagine doing was hurting Bella. I wanted to do a lot of things with her, but hurting her was nowhere in the picture.

“I’m just saying…she’s special. I like her,” she replied, and I realized that Bella had won over more than just me. Alice walked over to me and patted her tiny hand on my arm for a moment and looked up at me with her wide, blue eyes. “I don’t want you to get hurt, either.”

“No one’s getting hurt here, Alice,” I said, still a little confused, but trying to piece it together. “I’m glad you’re friends, though—and that my little sister approves, because heaven knows I wouldn’t be able to date someone without your approval. You’d probably torch their hair, or something,” I joked, still trying to decide what this was about.

“Don’t you forget it,” she smiled, turning back to her clothes. “I’m going to help Bella get ready for dinner tonight,” she added in that offhand manner she used when she was up to no good. “You’re picking her up to bring her, right?”

“Um, I guess so,” I laughed.

“Good—be there at six o’clock,” she commanded, and I knew I was dismissed at that point. I left, looking for Mom in hopes of averting at least some of the disaster scenarios that tonight potentially held. We would have to endure dinner with the families—but after that, I was determined that Bella and I would have some time together.

BPOV

I was examining the green dress that Alice had bought, and the white one that my mom had forced me to buy for the trip, hung up side by side across my closet, when there was a quiet knock at the door. Baffled as to who it could be, I peeked through the peephole—Alice. I threw open the door.

“Hey!” Alice said, scurrying in the door, more shopping bags clutched in her tiny hands. “I’m here to transform you into the goddess you are!” she sang in that little voice of hers.

“Hi, Alice,” I replied, warmly. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but I think you’re setting your sights a little high with ‘goddess’—I’d be happy with ‘better than what the cat drug in’.”

She gave me a disgusted look, and then appraised my selections. “You’re wearing the green one, of course,” she stated.

“Of course,” I agreed, smiling at her.

“Well, you’re going to need these to go with it,” she said, pulling out some heels that looked impossibly high and made of some kind of gossamer string.

“Alice, I’m going to break my leg if I wear those,” I objected, looking skeptical.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied. Eyeing me, she added, “Well, we have plenty of time to practice with them before Edward picks you up.”

“Edward’s picking me up?” I asked, surprised.

“Six o’clock, so we better get hopping!” she said, gleefully, and literally hopped around my room, getting out bobby pins and various beauty items that I couldn’t identify. I let her have her fun with my makeup and hair, and truthfully it was a little fun for me, too. As she was fussing with what seemed like the hundredth pin in my hair, I remembered something.

“Alice, guess what? I have a friend who’s going to Monterey Bay this fall,” I said.

Her eyes went wide. “Seriously? That’s fantastic! Does she like to shop?” she asked eagerly.

“Well, no, she’s more like me in that way, but she’s really nice. Her name’s Angela and I think you’ll like her.”

“If she’s anything like you, doll,” she said, giving me a little squeeze and careful not to mess up my hair, “I’m going to adore her.” I smiled at her. It was really impossible not to love Alice.

“Speaking of adoration, I hear that you and Edward had lunch,” she prompted.

“News travels fast,” I said, noncommittally, not sure of who was supposed to be adoring whom.

“Well, his eyes are going to pop out when he sees you tonight,” she grinned, confident in her transformational ability. I smiled, liking the idea of it as well. “You know he really likes you, right?” she said softly, busying herself with my hair and only stealing a small glance at me in the mirror.

I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know. “What makes you think that?” I asked, trying not to sound too eager.

She stopped her fussing and looked at me in the mirror. “I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you, Bella,” she replied, seriously. That warm, liquid feeling was running through me again, and I found myself hoping, more desperately than I should, that she was right. “You are going to make an adorable couple tonight!” she sang again, all seriousness gone. It gave me a thrill to think of Edward and me as a couple, even if it was only for dinner. I smiled up at Alice through all the rest of the hair preparation, in spite of the fact that it took far more time than seemed necessary.

EPOV

The sky was a glorious red, filled with orange and yellow streaks as the sun dipped into the water and blazed an end to the day. I had heard that, sometimes, out on the open water, sailors would see something called the ‘green flash’. If the atmospheric conditions were just right, the final dying rays of the sun would be refracted—with the atmosphere acting as a giant prism, separating out all the different wavelengths of light—and for a brief time a flash of green could be seen in the setting sun. It was rare, and beautiful, and only could be seen at the exact moment that the sun disappeared below the horizon. I was watching, waiting until my appointed time to pick up Bella, and hoping I might see it—but there was nothing but the normal splendor of a sunset at sea.

Alice had laid out new dinner clothes for me, having replaced the tie I ruined in the storm with one that was an emerald green color. I supposed she thought it went well with my eyes, or some fashion nonsense. The suit and shirt had survived, so I was in good shape there. I wove my way through the decks, making note of places I might want to bring Bella sometime before the cruise was done…there was a brief pang when I thought about that, and that sense of urgency took hold of me again. My pace quickened. I really didn’t have any time to waste.

I arrived at Bella’s door a few minutes early. I paused, uncertain if Alice would still be there. Deciding it didn’t matter, I knocked softly, hoping my early arrival wouldn’t catch Bella unprepared. A short moment later, she opened the door and I stood there dumbly for a moment, utterly speechless. Oh my god, she’s beautiful.

She was wearing a vibrant green dress that skimmed her knees and seemed to be held up by wishful thinking—and then I saw the barest of thin spaghetti straps that sliced a line across her otherwise bare shoulders. Her hair was up, as it was earlier, but somehow artfully arranged so that small wisps and tendrils fell and danced around her face. Her long legs ended in high heeled sandals that likewise seemed to barely exist, made of thin straps of some kind of material that must be sturdier than it looked. Her pale skin and warm eyes glowed against the backdrop of that amazing dress, and her heels put her up so that she nearly came eye to eye with me. I definitely have to thank Alice for this.

“Hi,” I finally managed to breathe out.

“Hi,” she smiled at me. I must have still been looking her up and down, because she looked down and added, “Is this okay? Alice picked it out.”

“It is far better than okay,” I said, still breathless and finally moving forward to plant a kiss on her cheek. “You are stunning,” I whispered into her ear. She blushed that delightful color again, and I wished that I could take a picture at that exact moment and remember that image and color for the rest of my life. I doubted I would ever see something as beautiful again.

And then I realized…”We match,” I said, grinning and pulling back from her, showing her my tie.

She rolled her eyes. “Alice,” she stated.

“What would we do without her?” I asked, delightedly giving Bella my arm. “Are you ready?” She nodded, taking it, and I was surprised how good that felt, having her on my arm.

We walked, slowly, up to the dining hall, neither of us in much hurry to get there. The dining hall we were in tonight was a different one than before, with white linen draperies and sparkling white dishes and silverware—but it was just as formal and just as full of passengers trying to find their seats. We slowly worked our way through the room. I had tried to reason with my mom that the best way to thank Bella for her bravery was not to mortify her at dinner, but I was unsure how successful I had been. I was, however, sure that I would be sitting next to Bella tonight, on guard to defend her from awkward encounters with my family.

Alice spotted us first, running up to us and taking a picture of us, arm in arm, before I had a chance to protest.

“You look perfect!” she exclaimed to both of us, taking Bella’s other arm and guiding us back to the far end of the dining hall. We weren’t near any exit doors this time, but I was hopeful that we would not have a return of Bella’s sea-sickness, given that the ocean was as smooth as glass tonight. The only turbulence would be around the table. I sighed.

As we approached, Mom came scurrying around the table to embrace Bella, her dark curls bouncing and pale yellow dress complementing Bella’s nicely. I was starting to wonder if Alice had enforced a dress code.

“Bella, dear, I am so glad you’re here!” she cried, Alice and I both releasing Bella just in time for Mom to encase her in her arms. “Look at you—you’re absolutely gorgeous!” she said, holding Bella back by the shoulders and admiring her dress. I was about to intercede when Mom wrapped an arm around Bella, steering her toward the table and talking quietly in her ear, “Bella, I can’t thank you enough for bringing my boys back to me. Anything—anything—I can do for you, dear, please let me know!” Bella was smiling nervously at this.

At this point I nearly leapt in front of her and said, “Mom. Please. Bella just wants to have dinner,” gently prying Bella from her grasp and holding on tight to her arm. I wasn’t going to let her go until we were safely seated at the table. I had prearranged with Alice to sit next to Bella, to protect her other flank, so to speak—as if I could have prevented them from sitting together in any case. Before we could find our seat, Emmett intercepted us. I looked at him suspiciously, but was completely surprised when he reached out and practically tore Bella from my arms, enveloping her in an Emmett-sized bear hug.

“How’s my hero?” he asked with a giant grin. Bella smiled nervously again. “That was a seriously cool thing you did, little sis,” he said more quietly, earning a more genuine smile from Bella. I looked at him as if he were deranged, and retrieved Bella’s hand from his, steering her towards the closest seat. I decided we needed to sit before any more family weirdness popped up.

“I’m sorry about that,” I whispered to her as we sat.

“It’s fine,” she whispered back. Alice magically appeared in the seat next to Bella, beaming happiness and whispering something in Bella’s ear. I greeted everyone else at the table as they sat. Phil was looking suspiciously at me, and Bella’s mom looked like she was even happier than mine. I glanced at Bella to see if she knew what was going on with her parents, but Alice had her attention. I said hello to my father, but he was looking strangely at me, too, and I decided that I probably needed to steer clear of him as well. I sighed again. It was going to be a long dinner.

Once everyone was settled and conversations were starting that didn’t involve us, I made sure no one was looking and reached over and took Bella’s hand so that we were holding hands under the table. I gave her a small smile as I did, sure there was a mischievous look on my face, but trying to hide it. I just wanted to touch her, reassure her that we would live through dinner. I laced my fingers in hers and slowly rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, making small circles on her soft skin. We had to break our hold when the soup arrived.

I watched her carefully, but she showed no signs of turning green or getting sick. She looked…happy. She was smiling and laughing at something Alice was saying, and looked radiant in that green dress that seemed to enhance the darkness of her hair. I realized I was staring again, and quickly examined my soup. The dinner wore on, but my family was mostly behaving themselves by now, and there were no more embarrassing incidents. Whenever I had the chance, I stole my hand over to hold Bella’s, or traced small patterns on the back of her hand while it lay resting on her leg. Phil continued to glare at me occasionally from the other side of the table, causing me to secretly retreat until he wasn’t looking again.

When there was a break in the constant conversation between Bella and Alice, I leaned over to her and whispered, “What’s up with Phil?”

She glanced at Phil, who was talking animatedly with Carlisle, and back at me, giving me a shrug. Finally, dessert had come and gone, and I felt like we could make our exit without upsetting anyone too much.

“Are you ready to escape?” I whispered with a small smile.

“If you’d like,” she said, causing me to pause for a moment. I realized that this wasn’t nearly as painful for her as it was for me.

“We don’t have to, if you’d like to stay…” I whispered again. She looked straight into my eyes for the first time that evening.

“Where did you want to go?” she asked me, liquid brown eyes captivating me.

I shook my head, smiling, “Surprise.”

“Okay,” she said, returning my smile, and looking a little mischievous herself. We stood up, made our excuses and said our goodnights. Phil seemed about to grill us, but Renee restrained him long enough for us to sneak away without further explanation. I had every intention of returning Bella at a reasonable time tonight—I just didn’t want to ruin the surprise by saying where we were going.

Taking her small hand in mine, I guided her through the dining hall and out into the hallway. I felt as if I wanted to hurry, but had to go slowly so she didn’t trip with those beautiful, but deadly looking, shoes. We worked our way up to one of the top deck lounges that I had scouted before. I asked her to close her eyes before we entered, and to not open them until I said so. She did so, without question, which gave my heart a small surge that she trusted me so willingly. I guided her into the lounge and over to a small bench by the corner window. It was dark outside now, and the lounge was filled with small tables scattered around the room, each with a small votive candle in a frosted holder barely larger than the candle itself. I asked her to wait, eyes closed, while I gathered up candles from several of the tables and arranged them around our small corner—on the window sill behind us, on the table in front of us and around the sides of the bench. We were surrounded by our own constellation of candles, softly illuminating the window and turning it into a dark mirror showing our shimmering reflections. I asked her to open her eyes.

They were wide, and smiling, as she took in our candle-lit corner. The lounge was nearly empty, with most of the guests either still at dinner or at one of the after-dinner shows. For the moment, we had our own private retreat. She didn’t say anything.

“Do you like it?” I asked, wondering why she was so quiet. She just nodded. I took her hand, and moved to sit a little closer to her, resting my other hand on the window sill with the candles and looking into her eyes. “I’m sorry my family was so…strange, at dinner.”

She smiled. “They were wonderful.”

“They’re strange, but there’s not much I can do about it. Speaking of strange, do you know why Phil was giving me such odd looks over dinner?”

“Was he? I didn’t notice,” she said. Hmmm—I didn’t think I was imagining it. I realized I really didn’t know anything about her family or friends, other than the essentials she had told me already.

“Tell me about your friend, Angela,” I requested. “Is she like you?”

She smiled. “Yes and no—she’s quiet, like me, I guess, but much more driven. She’s known that she wants to be a journalist since she was very young. She’s very excited about school this fall, but I’m going to miss her—she’s my best friend. At least we’ll have the summer,” she said, a little wistfully. This made my heart twinge—I wished that I had a summer to spend with Bella.

“What will you do? Over the summer, I mean—I’m guessing not shopping and not swimming…” I teased. What did Bella do for fun? This seemed like something I should know.

“Hmm…” she frowned, looking at me as if she was trying to decide what to tell me.

“I want to know all your secrets, Bella,” I said playfully, taking my free hand and tucking one of the wisps of her hair behind her ear, giving me an excuse to feel the softness of her hair again. The candles flickered in her eyes, giving them a lively look that ran counter to the serious expression on her face.

“Angela talked me into working as a camp counselor with her this summer—and I’ll probably do some tutoring for extra money for college, like I usually do,” she said, seeming resigned.

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” I commented, amused.

“Well, it’s senior summer, right? It seems like we should be having some grand adventure.” She seemed wistful again.

“If you could take any adventure that you liked, what would you do?” I asked, curiosity burning in me now. She smiled at me shyly and then looked away, thinking.

“I would go somewhere I had never been—maybe to Alaska? If I had the money, I would go to Italy,” she stated, more firm in her fantasy.

“Italy? Why there?” I asked, intrigued.

“There is so much there I would want to see—churches, museums, ancient buildings—even the food is good there. I would have to have a lot of maps, or a guide, or something because I’m sure I would get horrifically lost in all those small, cobblestone streets and alleys. But, I think I could spend an entire summer there and not see it all. It just seems so…” but she stopped suddenly, looking embarrassed.

“So what?” I pressed, eager to know what she was thinking that caused that gorgeous color to rise up in her cheeks.

“I was going to say that it seems very romantic, but I guess that it wouldn’t really be romantic if I was there by myself,” she mumbled quietly. I had that warm, electric feeling rising up in me again. There was something about her confiding in me that did that. I didn’t want her to stop.

“Well, as long as we’re having an imaginary trip, you can take whomever you would like,” I said, grinning. “So, who would you take—and please don’t say Mike, because you might break my heart,” I teased, hoping that my hidden pangs of jealousy about Mike didn’t show through. When I thought of the fact that he was going to be with her at college…it just didn’t seem fair. I only had a few days with her. She smiled sweetly and I could see why someone like Mike would keep trying, even when she had turned him down—he would have to be a fool not to.

“Well, it would have to be someone devastatingly handsome, so that pretty much rules out Mike,” she said, playing along. I grinned even wider. “And it would have to be someone who was good at languages, so they could help translate. Do you know anyone who might be interested?” she asked, a little more serious.

“I’m going to go start studying Italian tonight,” I whispered, and leaned in to kiss her because I simply could not resist. Gently caressing her bare neck, I pulled her close and kissed her softly. After a moment, I stopped. Even in our secluded corner, I knew she would still be aware of the bartender and other guests. I didn’t care who saw us, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. “Sounds like a very romantic trip,” I said softly, still holding close to her, looking into her eyes and resting my hand on her bare shoulder, unable to resist the soft lure of touching her.

She surprised me by reaching up with her free hand and softly running her fingertips across my lips and then through my hair. “Only if you were there,” she replied, very softly.

Her touch and her words sent that shocking feeling through me. I pulled her to me again and kissed her, not caring at all who saw and actually hoping to make her a little uncomfortable. It must have worked, because too soon she pulled back away from me. I was starting to wish the bartender and other visitors would disappear.

“What about you?” she asked, and it seemed her voice was a little hoarse.

“Me?” I responded blankly, mind wiped clean of any thoughts by her kiss. What were we talking about again?

“Where would you go—if you could go anywhere?” she clarified, playful and yet still somewhat serious.

“With anyone?” I asked, smiling. She nodded. “I would take you to Great Britain. I would go exploring castles with you, and go to Yorkshire to see if we could find the real Wuthering Heights. I would find a small lighthouse that took in guests and keep you all to myself, out of the prying eyes of bartenders,” I grinned wickedly.

She looked at me wide eyed, and stared at me with the strangest expression. “Or not, if you’d rather not…” I fumbled, unsure.

“I would go,” she stated, a little breathless, reaching to touch my face with her fingertips again. If she didn’t want me to kiss her, that was not the way to go about doing it. I pulled her close to me again, both hands gently holding her cheeks, and brushed her lips with mine, lightly. I peppered her forehead and cheeks with kisses before I kissed her on the lips again, this time not very able to hold back. When I finally stopped, we were both a little breathless. Even I was starting to notice that people were wandering back into the lounge and taking up residence at the tables near us—the ones I had stolen the candles from.

“Hmm…I think that’s our cue to leave,” I said, nodding in the direction of the couple taking their seats near us. She nodded, not speaking, and we both rose up.

We were quiet on the slow walk back to her cabin. My mind was whirling and I realized I had still not asked half the questions that I had intended to. But, somehow, it didn’t seem the right time to grill her and I just held her hand as we walked. Her gorgeous green dress reflected the light of the hallway lanterns as we passed, making a mesmerizing highway of light as we walked.

As we finally reached her cabin, I held both of her hands and asked, “Will you spend the day with me tomorrow?” I was just starting to form some plans in my head for that day, not wanting to waste any of it. She nodded, still oddly quiet.

“All right. Be ready, bright and early. We debark at eight o’clock,” I said with a smile. She was looking at me with a serious expression that I had not really noticed in our silence on the way down. I was suddenly concerned. “You okay?” I asked, lightly brushing her cheek with the back of my hand. She nodded, but didn’t seem okay. I pulled her close and hugged her, my hand lightly rubbing her back and trying to ignore the incredible softness of her skin.

“Did I embarrass you back at the bar?” I guessed, whispering in her ear, but still holding her close. She shook her head softly into my chest. “Then what?” I probed, gently, pulling her face up to look into mine.

“You’ll be here in the morning?” she asked, although that didn’t seem to really be what she wanted to know.

“Promise,” I said, kissing her softly, once, and then twice. Finally, I pulled away, and she looked away from me, turned to her door and disappeared inside her cabin. I stood there for a moment, confused. What just happened?

I turned, started walking restlessly down the hall, and decided I wasn’t ready to return to my cabin yet. I walked aimlessly through the ship, encountering late night stragglers returning from the shows and lounges.

I had just started to get to know her, and there just wasn’t time left in this trip for all the questions I wanted to ask and conversations I wanted to have with her. It struck me that it wasn’t fair—as if life was supposed to be fair, and we were supposed to have the things that we wanted—but it did seem horribly unfair for Bella to be dropped into my life, only to be whisked away by fate, and college, and duty. I could hardly stay away from her, wanting to know her as much as I could in the time we had left. But…I was afraid if I got too close to her now, it would only hurt more when she left.

My mind was still churning as I stopped in one of the lounges I had wandered into, gazing out the window at the moonlit seascape, silver light shining from the decks and the pool. It was just like the first night that we met—decks empty, light shining—the only thing missing was her. If I hadn’t met her that night, if she hadn’t come out onto the deck, we wouldn’t have to face the prospect of having, and losing, each other.

I was beginning to understand what Alice meant about hurting…and being hurt. That dangerous precipice I felt I was hovering over—if I fell, it was going to hurt and hurt bad…and not only me. I didn’t want to hurt Bella—that had to be avoided at all costs. I had to be careful not to get too close to her, no matter how much I wanted to, or I might hurt her without even trying. It all started to click into place…Alice’s warning…Phil’s suspicious looks…even Carlisle’s distance at dinner…they all thought I was going to hurt Bella. Then I realized with a shock…they probably thought I was going to sleep with her.

I laughed out loud, suddenly, gathering strange looks from the passengers in the lounge with me. It amused me greatly to think that they had all thought of me sleeping with Bella before it had occurred to me. Not that I wouldn’t want to…in some alternative universe where Bella and I could be together, not just for four days, but as long as we wanted…some alternate time where we could…love each other. As I thought about this, my humor faded quickly. I realized they all thought I would sleep with her and leave her, like one of Emmett’s one-night girlfriends. I was suddenly angry that they thought I would do that—to anyone, but especially to her. She had saved my life! More than that—she was Bella. How could they think I would hurt her that way? I couldn’t do that to her…or to me, if I was honest about it. If I got that close to her, only to have her torn away from me—it would hurt more than I was even willing to think about. It was already starting to hurt, just thinking about the little time we had left.

For some reason, fate had brought us together for only four days. Perhaps we were only supposed to save each other, and then go on with our own, separate lives. But if four days was all we were to have, then I was determined to make it the best four days possible. I had things to do before tomorrow morning…we only had one day left, and I was going to make it count.

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Chapter: 9

Chapter 9 – Beaches

BPOV

My cabin was dark, illuminated only by the sliver of light coming in under the door from the hallway. In a daze, I slowly took off my strappy heels, deposited them in the tiny closet, and walked over to my bed. Then I sank to the ground and sat there, back resting against the bed and hands lying in the lap of my green satin dress.

I would go, I had told him, and I had meant it with every fiber of my being. I would go anywhere, do anything, with him. In that moment I realized: I was hopelessly, helplessly in love with Edward Cullen. My mind still spun with the force of it, and my heart felt like a hundred pound stone—I was in love with him, and we only had one day left. It wasn’t fair—no, fair didn’t touch it—it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right that I would find someone as perfect, as right, for me as he was and only have him for four days. It was wrong in a way that a hurricane or tornado wreaking destruction was wrong. It wasn’t evil—it wasn’t anyone’s fault—it was just horribly, tragically wrong.

I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way about me, but the way he kissed me, the way he talked to me…well, it certainly made me feel loved. If he didn’t love me, I didn’t care, because I loved him and that was all that mattered. I wouldn’t—I couldn’t—stop loving him, whether it was mutual or not. But all of it didn’t matter, because we only had one day left. That thought kept slicing through my mind like a knife, causing fresh pain each time it went through. There had to be some way out of this madness, but I couldn’t imagine what it was. The cruise would end the day after tomorrow. He would return to Forks, go to Basic Training in Texas, and then be off to the Navy—he was going to do his duty, and there was nothing I could, or even would, do to stop him. That was part of him that I loved, and I would never dream of asking him to do anything different.

I would just have to make the most of the time that we had left. He would be here in the morning—he had promised. I was afraid that he would disappear, like the mirage he seemed to be, and I would be robbed of even that last, and final, time together. But he promised, so he would be there. I had no idea what we would do tomorrow, but I wanted to be as close to him as I could be and not waste a second of the time we had left. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted something I could hold onto, like his need to break out of his father’s shadow. There was so much I still didn’t know about him, it seemed impossible that I could feel this way—and yet I did. My heart sank further, if that was possible, as if I had fallen into that pool and sunk like a stone to the very bottom.

Still in a daze of swirling thoughts and feelings, I stumbled around my small cabin, changing out of my dress and into some cotton pajamas that felt warm and reassuring against my skin. I washed up in the miniature sink and climbed into my bed. I could barely think straight as emotional fatigue washed over me, pulling me like a tide, relentlessly, into the fog of sleep. My last thought before drifting under was that anything that Edward could want, I would give to him. Tomorrow…

EPOV

I had forgotten something, and I couldn’t remember what it was. The deck was empty, cold, and harshly lit by the frozen moonlight. Something was missing. I started searching, looking, and running through all the decks and stairways…they were empty and I was starting to think I was the only one left on the ship. And then I remembered—Bella! I had promised, I had said I would meet her, but I was late, too late, and she was gone—everyone was gone, and I was left all alone on the empty soulless ship…

I awoke with a start, sitting straight up, heart pounding. It was dark, and for a moment I thought I was still in the dream. Then Emmett’s snoring brought reality crashing back in, and I realized it must still be the middle of the night. I glanced out the porthole and saw nothing but blackness, glittering stars and moonlight reflecting off the water. I lay back down, willing my heart to stop thumping so hard against my rib cage, and tried to think. I needed to go back to sleep, but I didn’t think that was going to happen. The adrenaline from the nightmare was still coursing through my body, and part of me was afraid to go back to sleep and relive it.

I swung my legs out of bed and checked my watch. It was already five o’clock in the morning. I gave up on sleep and decided to go to the gym—perhaps the exercise would calm me down. I was already keyed up about today with Bella and I didn’t need this crazy dream to linger in my mind.

Dressing hastily in the dark, I was out the door without disturbing Emmett. The corridors were dimly lit by hallway lights and were empty of passengers. The gym was barren as well, which was fine with me. My iPod had been soaked in that first night in the pool with Bella, so I had nothing to distract my mind while I pounded away on the treadmill. I went over my plans for the day, again, in my mind, to see if I had forgotten anything.

It’s surprising what a cruise line will do for you, after you’ve been drugged and kidnapped during one of their cruises. The cruise director was amazingly helpful when I asked how to make some arrangements for our landfall at Freeport. I just hoped that the day would be something that Bella would like. I realized, with regret, that I didn’t really know her. There hadn’t been time to find out all the little things that would allow that, and there wasn’t going to be. Still, I wanted to leave her with something—a memory, a kiss, a token—that would be undeniably ours, so our time together would not just vanish down the rabbit hole and be forgotten. I had to admit I wanted something, too. I wanted something I could hold on to, a day I could remember when the white sand beaches of the Bahamas were left far behind and I was on to my new life in the Navy.

Having run long enough to qualify for Emmett’s minimum workout routine, I jogged back to the cabin, taking the stairs two at a time and eager to start our day. Back in the cabin, Emmett was still sleeping, not disturbed by the grey light filtering into our room. I took a quick shower and was ready with time to spare before our scheduled departure at eight o’clock. With my backpack packed and ready, I decided to take an early morning stroll along the decks to burn off my nervousness. The ship was already docked at Freeport, having arrived sometime during the night. Perhaps I would be able to see some of the island from the top deck. As I left the cabin again, I remembered to tuck the small box I had acquired last night in one of the dresser drawers, hidden under some clothes of mine—just in case Emmett got curious.

BPOV

He was standing at the bow of the ship, his reddish hair catching moonbeams and throwing them off in all directions. The wind was blowing slightly and he looked like he was waiting for something. I wondered if, perhaps, he was waiting for me. I walked slowly towards him, but he didn’t see me coming. Not until I was nearly upon him, did he turn and see me. The smile that lit up his face was enough to stop my heart cold. It didn’t re-start until he closed the distance between us, reaching for me—and then it started like a heart attack, sputtering frantically in my chest. He didn’t seem to notice, just bending his lips to mine and crushing them with a ferocious kiss that seemed to tell me all that I wanted to know…he loved me…he wanted me…I was his.

I awoke, dreamily, disoriented by the darkness and his sudden absence. It had felt so real, my arms ached from the sudden loss of feeling him in them. And then I remembered—this was our day, our last day. I flipped on the light and found it was already seven o’clock. My hazy dream had pulled me through the alarm I had set for six and I only had an hour to get ready to meet Edward. Not that I needed an hour to get ready, but I had a need to be overly prepared for today, not having any idea what it held for us.

I quickly turned the shower on and stood under the steaming water for a while, washing away the last vestiges of the dream. So odd. I never dreamed—or at least, I never remembered my dreams. I had always slept like the dead, my mother had said, in one of her more fanciful moments. It wasn’t terribly surprising that Edward would infiltrate even my subconscious mind—thoughts of him seemed to fill every part of me, including the parts that craved his touch as much as his mind and his love. Of course he was impossibly handsome—what girl wouldn’t want him? But there was something more urgent to it than that, something that felt more like a need to be with him in order to feel whole. I was somehow more complete when I was with him, than when I wasn’t in his physical presence. His simplest touches and kisses drove me mad with longing, and I was determined that today, in our last day, we would have as much of that as possible.

I climbed out of the shower and dried off, thinking of what to wear for the day. Would we be shopping? Seemed unlikely. Would we be outside? Possible—Freeport had some of the most beautiful white sand beaches in the Bahamas. Just to be sure, I planned on wearing walking shoes and something durable for the outdoors. I hastily dried my hair and at the last minute decided to keep it down—Edward seemed to like running his hands through it, and I wanted him to feel free to do that. I glanced timidly at my closet, considering what else Edward would find appealing. Glancing at my watch, I decided I needed to hurry. I didn’t want to be unprepared when Edward arrived at my door early, which I had a feeling he just might do.

EPOV

Anxious to get started on our day, I made a final stop back at my cabin to pick up the backpack and then hit the coffee shop for coffee and bagels. We could have our breakfast on the way. Passengers were starting to fill the hallways and lounges as people prepared to debark. I wove between them, eager to get to Bella’s cabin. Holding two steaming cups of coffee made it a little awkward to knock on her door, but I managed. I was a little early, but I hoped she wouldn’t mind. I had run out of distractions to keep me occupied while I waited.

She opened the door and I could feel that irrepressible grin spread across my face, the one I always had when I saw her for the first time. She was beautiful, of course, but there was a different look to her this morning—it was hard to place, almost as if she were glowing. She wore a brilliant royal blue polo shirt that skimmed her waist and left her hair down so that her dark locks cascaded over her shoulders. Her cargo khaki shorts matched her tan Keds and she looked like she was ready for hiking.

“Good morning!” I said, brightly, trying not to make her uncomfortable by staring her up and down too much.

“Good morning. Are those for us?” she asked, pointing at the coffees.

“Double latte, extra cream for the lady,” I answered, handing the cup to her. “Do you mind if we take it with us?” She shook her head and quickly closed the door behind her.

She smiled up at me, and the sweetness of the look she gave me had me staring at her again. For a moment I forgot our plans and just felt incredibly lucky to have this day with her. Having a free hand now, I circled it around her waist, pulling her close to me and kissing her, softly but lingering a little. “Are you ready for our day?” I asked quietly.

“Yes,” she replied, just as quiet, and I thought maybe I heard a twinge of that sadness that I felt as well. However, I was determined that this would be a happy day, so I kissed her briefly again and said, “Well, then we better go. We don’t want to be late.”

“Late for what?” she asked as we turned to walk down the hallway and started making our way through the throngs of passengers to the gangplank. I had that stupid grin again and shook my head. “You’ll see.”

As we emerged from the door of the ship and walked down the gangplank, the brilliant sun reflected off the water and pier and was already starting to heat the air, creating a balmy, wind swept day. From the gangplank we could see downtown Freeport, and it was obviously very different from Nassau—much less a tourist destination and much more a tropical island. Gone were the casinos, and in their place were several docks with large shipping container vessels for the bustling trade that supported most of the Grand Bahaman Island’s economy. The island was long and narrow, and white sand beaches glistened and stretched into the distance.

Freeport was a reasonably sized port city, with some tourist attractions, but we would not be staying there. As we walked down the wooden pier, vendors were just opening their shops. Holding hands and our coffees, we passed the trinket shops and snack bars as they were rolling up their shades, and quickly reached the end of the pier. There we found a short, dark-haired man waiting for us, standing by the road next to a silver Volvo and holding a sign bearing the word CULLEN. I had asked the cruise director how to arrange for a private car, but I was pleasantly surprised to see such a fine machine. This was just the start to the day that I had hoped for.

Bella raised her eyebrows at me, but before she could ask, I smirked and said, “The cruise director wanted to make sure we had a very nice stay on this island.” She gave a short laugh, and kept smiling as I tipped the man and took the keys for the car from him. I held the passenger door open for her and closed it gently behind her after she stepped in. As I hurried around to the driver’s side and climbed in, I glanced in the back, glad to see the picnic basket was there, as I had pre-arranged. We placed our coffees in the cup-holders that popped out from the dash. I pulled two pairs of dark sunglasses and the bagels out of the backpack before I tossed it in the back seat with the basket.

I handed one pair to her. “You might want these.” She put them on, grinning and somehow looked even more appealing. I leaned over and kissed her again, twining my fingers through her hair as I placed my hand on the back of her neck. I leaned back and looked at her. She looked really good sitting in my car, even if it wasn’t really my car. Somehow it just seemed to fit, having her next to me. I slipped the key into the ignition and the Volvo purred to life under my hands. Perfect car for a perfect day.

We were flying down the winding two lane highway. It was more like a one and one-half lane highway, it was so narrow, but there were no other cars on the road and the Volvo just begged to be driven fast. The road hugged the coastline, dipping in and out of the trees, alternately giving us a spectacular view of the beach and the white-capped, gentle waves, and plunging us into the semi-darkness of the tropical forest. Bella looked radiantly happy in her dark glasses, her dark hair whipping out of the window and a gleaming smile on her face.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asked, seeming only idly curious at best.

I beamed at her. “No.” She seemed to accept this as a given, making me extremely happy that she was playing along. We broke out into a stretch of the road that was a little straighter and hugged the beach more closely, keeping us out of the dark of the surrounding forest. I slowed our pace a little, enjoying the view—of both Bella, and the scenery.

“So, you claim to have no girlfriends in Forks,” she started, and I raised my eyebrows in disbelief at her doubt, peering at her over my sunglasses. She grinned, continuing, “But you must have friends. Tell me—who do you hang out with?”

“A couple guys from high school, Tyler and Eric, are pretty good friends. They both went to Peninsula, so we still get together. The rest have left for college, so I don’t see them much any more.”

“No friends at Peninsula?”

“Not really. I don’t know,” I paused, glancing at her, “there aren’t a lot of serious students there. They’re mostly interested in partying.”

“But you’re not?”

“Well, I’ve been to a party or two in my life,” I smirked, “but I think I’d rather go rock climbing or hiking or just stay home and read Wuthering Heights,” I teased her. That got me a glare.

“You do not stay home and read Wuthering Heights,” she disparaged my lack of honesty.

“Well, not all the time,” I admitted. “Sometimes I play Guitar Hero.” I stole my hand across the car to lightly hold her hand while I drove with the other hand. With no other cars on the road, it was easy to concentrate on her. The shops had thinned out quickly once we left Freeport. Occasional palm trees dotted the side of the road, along with small stands of local vendors, but mostly the coast was devoid of civilization.

“You said you tutor—what subjects to you teach?” I asked, wanting to know more about her and trying to steer away from my rather pathetic social life.

“I wouldn’t call it teaching. Mostly I’m helping kids get up to speed on their English skills over the summer—it’s good money, and the kids say they like it better than summer school.”

“Kids? Aren’t you tutoring high school students?” I had just assumed Bella could easily tutor students her own age, given her Ivy League credentials.

“Sometimes. I get a lot of junior high kids that aren’t really ready for high school and I make sure they can succeed when they get there in the fall.” She seemed to take pride in helping her students, and I was sure she was good at it, although I imagined that she probably broke a few of the hearts of her young male students along the way.

“Maybe I could get you to tutor me sometime?” I asked, mischievous grin on my face. “How much do you charge?”

“Your lessons would be free, Mr. Cullen,” she teased back, sultry brown eyes boring into me.

“Alright, but you need to stop talking like that, or we’re not going to get to our destination in one piece,” I joked, but seriously commanded my heart to stop thumping like that in my chest.

“How far is it to our destination? Or is that a secret too?” She was smiling, and I loved that she was enjoying my adventurous plans for the day.

“It’s on the other side of the island, but we’ll be taking the scenic route. It shouldn’t be too long. Are you in a hurry?”

“No,” she said, simply, and lifted our entwined hands, using her free hand to gently massage the back of my hand and fingers. Her touch was seriously distracting me. I tried to keep my eyes forward, on the road. She ran her fingertips up to the crook of my arm, causing me to glance sideways at her, involuntarily. “Did you really break your arm in the third grade?” she asked idly, seeming more interested in inspecting my arm than finding the answer to that question.

“Um, yes,” I said, somehow losing my voice. We were going to have an accident, if she kept this up. She looked up at me, apparently not expecting that answer.

“What happened?” she was curious now, letting our hands fall back down on the arm rest between our bucket seats, and no longer distracting me with her gentle touch. This made it much easier to continue, but this wasn’t really a story I wanted to share.

“I didn’t want to tell this story, remember?” I stalled.

“But I want to know all your secrets, Mr. Cullen,” she said, echoing me and teasing again with her fingers running all the way up to my shoulder.

“Okay, okay!” I feigned surrender. “I climbed up a tree, fell out, and broke my arm. I was actually about twelve, in the sixth grade.”

“Oh, c’mon, there’s got to be more to the story than that!” she said, disappointed and disbelieving.

“I wasn’t supposed to climb the tree?” I offered.

“So, why were you up in the tree?” she asked, eyebrows arched.

I wasn’t going to get out of this, I could see. “I was trying to see in Katy Wilson’s window,” I admitted, keeping my eyes on the road again.

“What did you see?” she asked, smiling broadly now.

“Not enough to justify getting a broken arm!” She laughed and I loved the musical sound of it. I wanted to keep her laughing, and keep being the one to make her laugh. The day already seemed too short, and we were just getting started. I took a deep breath, determined not to succumb to the sadness that kept nibbling at the edges of my mind.

“Okay, your turn! What embarrassing, broken-arm, trip-to-the-emergency-room story do you have for me?”

“Just one? There are so many to choose from,” she replied sarcastically.

“This falling-into-pools thing is a regular issue for you?” I asked, suddenly concerned. I didn’t think that Bella was actually routinely in danger, and I was a little worried what would happen when I wasn’t there to save her the next time.

“Pools, stairs, cracks in the sidewalk. It doesn’t take much really. I’m terminally clumsy,” she joked, looking a little embarrassed. “Once, I wiped out so badly in gym, that I collided with my teammates and sent other people to the nurse’s office.”

“I’m going to order you up some dancing lessons, or something. I can’t have you getting hurt if I’m not going to be there to save you,” I joked, realizing what I was saying too late to stop it. She looked somber all of a sudden and I wished desperately I could take those words back. I didn’t want us dwelling today upon our imminent departure tomorrow. “Or you could just promise to be very, very careful,” I added quickly, and more lightly.

“Promise,” she said with mock seriousness.

We had rounded the west end of the island, a narrow peninsula that stuck out like a finger pointing to the northwest. According to the cruise director, this was the halfway point in our drive—we would continue driving along the coast to the south and east for a while. We sat in silence for a while, soaking in the sun that had risen higher in the sky and turned the air a little steamier. I released her hand when I realized we had forgotten the bagels.

“Are you hungry?” I asked, gesturing to the bagels balancing on the center console. “You haven’t touched your bagel.”

“Sure,” she said, taking one and shredding it into small pieces, as she had before, after dinner. She seemed to be thinking, chewing slowly as she contemplated something. I took a few bites of bagel, giving her time to think, before I gave in to my curiosity.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, unsure if I had permanently soured the mood by bringing up our inevitable separation tomorrow.

“Wondering what your Basic Training will be like—will they make you hike thirty miles with a fifty pound pack?”

I laughed, always charmed by her unexpected answers, and relieved that she wasn’t fixated on tomorrow. I was actually looking forward to starting Basic before the cruise. Now, it seemed like the end of something, rather than the beginning. “Not likely. Most of the physical training is indoors, which makes sense because most of the duty is onboard a ship or submarine. I don’t think that means it will be easy, though,” I said, glancing at her to see what she made of this. “Hopefully, Emmett’s brutal workouts will see me through. I’ve been reading the manuals and studying up, so the classroom part should be pretty straightforward.”

“Classroom? I thought this was boot camp,” she said, looking skeptical.

“The drills are mental and physical—they’re pretty much throwing everything at you at once. I don’t think it’s going to be anything like Dartmouth,” I teased.

“I don’t know…I hear Dartmouth has a really crazy orientation week…” she laughed. I didn’t like the direction of this, though—too much about the future, and I wanted to stay in the present. I wanted to know her—what her hopes and dreams were—even if I couldn’t share them.

“You said you haven’t settled on a major yet—but you seem to enjoy literature. Have you thought about majoring in English?”

“Well, I enjoy Sense and Sensibility far more than most normal people,” she admitted, “but that just doesn’t seem like enough.”

“Enough?”

“Important enough—I mean, I want there to be some purpose to what I do. I feel like…” she trailed off again, not wanting to share something with me—which of course only drove me mad with curiosity.

“Like what?” I probed, pushing my glasses up on top of my head to get a better view of her. She remained hidden behind hers and she was staring out at the striking blue of the ocean.

“I’ve been working toward getting into Dartmouth since the 7th grade—and now that I’m heading there, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do,” she admitted, as if this was something to be ashamed of. That warmth that came when she confided in me was spreading through me. She had long since abandoned the bagel, so I stole my hand over to hold hers again, lacing our fingers and rubbing her palm with my thumb.

“Bella, you’re brilliant—you can do anything you set your mind to,” I said softly, hoping she would hear my sincerity. She smiled weakly at my praise, but seemed unconvinced. “I’m sure you will figure it out, when the time is right,” I added, wishing I had something more compelling to say and that I could be with her while she tried to figure it out. The sadness started to creep in again, when suddenly I realized we must be near the turnout.

The road had veered away from the coast slightly, so that we were traveling through the forest. Dappled light littered the road as the forest canopy reached over and formed an almost solid ceiling above us. I was looking for the address when we came upon a large shining white house on the right, with a wide front porch and a small circle driveway that split off from the main road. I checked the number and this was it. I pulled off the highway and parked in front of the two-story, glass encased entryway.

Bella’s eyes had gone wide as I had pulled off, silently asking if this was our destination. “Apparently, the owner of the cruise line wanted to personally make up for our unfortunate business at Nassau,” I said, smiling. “This is his beach house, but it’s ours for today.” I grinned at her gaping expression, and hopped out, bringing the backpack and picnic basket with me. I ran around to open the door for her, but she was already out, still staring at the house, unbelieving. I took her hand and led her to the front door. The house key was on the same chain as the car key and in a moment we were inside.

Cruise line owners appeared to be quite wealthy. The house was an amazing study in white and chrome as natural light from dozens of skylights and windows bounced around the house. Natural wood furniture enhanced the effect, making everything seem to shine. We wandered through the enormous common room and found the spacious kitchen, which opened up onto a wooden sundeck facing the ocean. I placed our things on the circular kitchen table and gazed out the floor-to-ceiling windows leading out to the sundeck. The panoramic view was breathtaking.

I turned to face her, to ask her what she thought, but suddenly she was in my arms, reaching up on her tip toes to kiss me. Of course, I readily accommodated that, hands circling around to her back and pulling her close. I would have been happy to stand there for the rest of the day, kissing her, but soon she pulled away, saying “This is perfect.” I couldn’t agree with her more, pulling her back in for another, more passionate, kiss. No bartenders to interfere this time. As we parted, her eyes were blazing and her lips were curled up into a small smile. If I wasn’t already breathless, that look would have taken it right out of me. She took me by the hand and led me out to the sundeck, although I would have followed her just about anywhere at that moment.

The sundeck was perched above the forest we had just come through. A staircase wound down from the sundeck and led to a small path that disappeared into the trees. Past the tangle of mangrove and palm trees could be seen a wide strip of white sand beach and the clear blue Atlantic Ocean, gentle waves rolling up onto the sand. We stood for a moment, breathing in the salty air and earthy smell of the lush greenery below us.

I circled my arms around her from behind, holding her gently so that we could both take in the view, but still hold each other. She wrapped her arms around mine, so that we were intertwined and close.

“Do you like it?” I murmured in her ear, very pleased with how my plans were working so far.

“It’s amazing,” she said, resting her head back slightly against my shoulder and chest. I gently nuzzled my face into her hair, breathing in her delicate scent. Mixed with the musky smell of the forest, it was like some tropical perfume of paradise, and was starting to make me light-headed. I still couldn’t believe the effect she could have on me, without even trying. When she was trying, she was nearly impossible for me to resist. Add in the romantic setting, and I was completely at her mercy. Fortunately for me, Bella was merciful— and beautiful, and for the moment, all mine.

After a few minutes of gazing at the splendor of our secret retreat, I debated whether to continue burying my face in her deliciously scented hair, and possibly progress to nuzzling her neck, or whether it was time for the next step in my master plan. I decided there was time for nuzzling later, but that the sun may get too hot later on in the day and it was time to venture forth.

“Do you mind if we take a little hike?” I asked, still holding her close, in case the answer was no and I would need to resort to kissing her.

“Whatever you want,” she said, with a small sigh of contentment that thrilled me in the most unexpected way. I was pleasing her, with my plans, and we really were just getting started. I hadn’t realized how nervous I was that this day might not live up to the expectations I had set for it, for her, until I felt the relief that went with that sigh. She turned in my arms, placing her hands on my chest and looking at me over the top of her sunglasses, adding, “Although any hiking may carry the danger of broken ankles, or worse, for the terminally clumsy. Did you bring your first aid kit?”

“I won’t let you get hurt, Bella,” I said, an unintentional softness in my voice, as my unspoken plans leaked out. She flashed a look at me, but I covered my seriousness with a couple of light kisses. She reached up and wrapped her fingers around the back of my neck, turning our kisses a little more urgent. I pulled back before we could get too far along, and with her hand locked firmly in mine I towed her, somewhat unwilling, back into the house. I grabbed the picnic basket and backpack off the table, and hands clasped once more, headed back out onto the deck and down the creaky wooden stairs.

Once we were in the forest, the temperature dropped several degrees and it almost felt damp. The massive mangrove tree roots were twined and twisted everywhere, and our small dirt path had to bob and weave around and over them. I kept her hand firmly in mine—there would be no injuries on this trip, if I could help it. The dull roar of the waves was muted in the forest, replaced by the light screeching of birds and the rustle of wind through the canopy. The hike through the forest was short and we soon broke out into the private beach beyond.

We kicked off our shoes and left them at the edge of the path, not wanting to get sand in them. We walked nearly to the edge of the waterline, avoiding bits of driftwood and rocks that littered the sparkling white sand. There was no one on the beach, and I did not expect that we would encounter anyone today. The cruise-director had said that this entire stretch of beach was privately owned by the owner of the house. Bella walked slightly ahead of me, and I was mesmerized by her bare toes pushing through the sand and dark hair swinging as she walked.

At the edge of the water, ragged, crushed seashells snaked along the waterline and were rough on our feet. I stepped back several meters from the encroaching tide and set down the basket and backpack. I fished out a blanket from the basket and spread it out for us to sit on. The sand was already warm to the touch, and with the tropical sun beating down, it would be scorching hot later in the day. We would have our beach time now, and retreat to the house when the heat became too much. For the moment, the sun felt good, and looked good reflecting the red highlights in Bella’s hair. I motioned for her to sit and then sat down next to her. We watched the waves slowly lap up on the beach, creeping closer, rustling the quarry of broken shells, and then retreating.

“Are you ready for lunch?” I asked, thinking we hadn’t had much for breakfast.

“Is that what’s in the basket?” she asked, in turn.

“Yes. The Portofino made a special lunch, just for us,” I said, starting to unpack the basket. She raised her eyebrows at me, apparently impressed.

“They certainly seem to want to make you happy,” she noted. The Portofino had done a spectacular job with lunch, I had to admit. The basket contained small, white china bowls filled with antipasto, and silverware wrapped in cloth napkins. There was a small platter of cubed fruit, sliced prosciutto and salami, several different kinds of cheeses and a woven basket filled with slices of fresh baked bread. A bottle of sparkling water and two crystal water glasses capped the meal. As I laid out our picnic, she seemed to be watching me. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I hoped that she was enjoying the day. I handed her a glass, poured some sparkling water for each of us, and proposed a toast.

“To guilt-laden cruise-directors, for giving us a beautiful day,” I proclaimed. She smiled, we clinked glasses somewhat dramatically and each took a sip. We buried our glasses partially in the sand so they would stay upright, and busied ourselves with the food.

“You’re right, the Italians do make excellent food,” I commented, still wondering what she thought of all this. We made small talk for a while about the food. I discovered that she liked Thai and Mexican food as well as Italian, and truly was a travel bug at heart—she yearned to travel all over the world, although she had only made it to the Bahamas so far. I loved the ease with which we could talk, or not and just sit in our silence. She was always surprising me with her commentary, her sideways tilt on life, and I enjoyed just watching her as she talked. She was too terse, parsimonious with her words, and I felt I was always left wanting more from her. I knew there was more inside that beautiful head than she willingly shared, and that intrigued and frustrated me at the same time. I harassed her for some critical pieces of information; favorite ice cream flavor: coconut, favorite flower: lily, favorite color: blue.

We were finished with eating and I packed away the food as she laid back on our blanket, dark sunglasses fixed in place and toes digging their way into the warm sand. Her eyes were closed behind the glasses, and she seemed peaceful as she basked in the sun. Her dark hair spilled across the light grey blanket and I had the urge to scoop it up in my hands and press my face into it. Instead, I decided it was time to read. I pulled the book I had brought along out of the backpack. I lay down next to her on my stomach, close, so that my arm was nearly grazing hers. Propped up on my elbows, I found the place I had earmarked last night. Without preamble, I started reading aloud from Pride and Prejudice…

“Elizabeth’s spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her.” I stole a glance at her—she had immediately opened her eyes and turned on her side, holding her head up with her hand and watching me intently behind her sunglasses. “‘How could you begin?’ said she. ‘I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?’”

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." I looked sideways at her again, but she was saying nothing, motionless, so I continued. "My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners -- my behaviour to you was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?"

I couldn’t restrain a small smile now, thinking of Bella’s impertinence. Of course, she was never uncivil, but she certainly had more than a bit in common with the outspoken lady heroine who stole Mr. Darcy’s heart. I pressed on, "For the liveliness of your mind, I did."

"You may as well call it impertinence at once. It was very little less. The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking, and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike them.” At this I nearly stopped, because she had started touching me. Using her fingertip, she traced it aimlessly along the back of my hand as it lay on the blanket. I lay perfectly still, allowing it, and continued reading after only the barest of pauses due to the distraction.

“ Had you not been really amiable, you would have hated me for it; but in spite of the pains you took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and in your heart, you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously courted you. There -- I have saved you the trouble of accounting for it; and really, all things considered, I begin to think it perfectly reasonable. To be sure, you knew no actual good of me -- but nobody thinks of that when they fall in love." Her fingers were leaving my hand, splaying out and lightly tracing a path up my arm. I could feel my heart start to speed up, just with that light, and unintentionally seductive, touch. She edged a little closer to me, pretending to peer at the book, but mostly coming close enough to graze my arm with her body. I soldiered on.

"Was there no good in your affectionate behaviour to Jane while she was ill at Netherfield?"

"Dearest Jane! who could have done less for her? But make a virtue of it by all means. My good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasions for teazing and quarrelling with you as often as may be;” Her fingers were certainly teasing me now, and had worked their way up my arm and over the thin layer of my short-sleeved shirt. She edged closer again, sitting up more, so she could reach her fingers into the hair at the back of my neck. I shivered, and was shocked at the same time. She was driving me mad, and I was having a hard time keeping my voice steady. This wasn’t exactly the response I had expected, but I was far from complaining about it.

“ and I shall begin directly by asking you what made you so unwilling to come to the point at last. What made you so shy of me, when you first called, and afterwards dined here? Why, especially, when you called, did you look as if you did not care about me?" I thought ruefully of my first day with Bella, wasted in my unwillingness to cross the arbitrary line in my head about propriety and gratitude. I was so glad that all my defenses had come crashing down after Nassau. She had leaned even closer now, definitely pressing her body against my arm in an attempt to come close enough to breathe on my ear. My breathing was becoming ragged.

"Because you were grave and silent, and gave me no encouragement." At this, she sat up, and seemed to be adjusting her clothes. I kept my eyes glued to the page, but wondered furiously what she was planning on doing next.

"But I was embarrassed."

"And so was I."

"You might have talked to me more when you came to dinner."

"A man who had felt less, might." At this point, I glanced back at her. What was she doing? She had removed her shirt, casting it aside on the blanket and revealing the thinnest line of a blue bikini strap crossing her back. She lay back down, eyes closed and sunglasses gone, with her hands resting on her now bare stomach. The blue triangles of her bikini practically glowed next to the white satin of her skin, shining in the sunlight. I had completely lost any breath that I had left, not to mention my place on the page.

“Keep reading…” she said, eyes remaining closed and not moving a muscle. That was possibly the most ridiculous thing she had ever said. One finger still holding my place in the book, I reached across her, gliding my hand across her stomach and curling it around to her back. I pulled her close, tucking her halfway under me, so that I could reach her more easily. I ardently pressed my lips into hers, feeling her come alive under me. I tossed the book aside, moving so that I could more properly and thoroughly kiss her. Her hands had worked their way out from where they were trapped between us, reaching around to my back, gripping my shoulders, and pulling me down on her. I was trying to not crush her with my weight, but she seemed to want me there, pinning her body to the blanket. I moved my kisses along her jaw line, working my way back towards her ear and neck, and greedy for the shiver that came when I did so. My heart was pounding fiercely in my chest and I heard the echo of it, blood pulsing in my ears. My one hand was still under the small of her back, now lifting her slightly off the blanket to more insistently press her body into mine. Stop now…stop now…my mind was screaming at me, but my lips continued to kiss and nibble their way down her neck, to her shoulders, inhaling her incredible fragrance as I went. Can’t do this…need to stop…my better self was pulling at me. A war was raging inside me between the part that wanted this so much, and the part that knew it was wrong, wrong—not here, not now. Bella’s hands had moved from their clutching hold on my back, between us again, reaching down. What was she doing? She seemed to be trying to undo the buttons on her shorts, fumbling to take them off. Aagh! I grabbed her hands around the wrists and hauled them up over her head. Holding both of her small wrists in one hand, I propped myself up away from her body with the other.

“Bella, please stop taking off your clothes!” I whispered, hoarsely, shocked at how hard I was panting.

“Why?” she asked, eyes blazing at me, voice whispery and raw.

“Because you are driving me crazy!” I protested, stating the obvious, and loosening my hold on her hands, realizing I had a death grip on them that might be painful to her. She worked one of her hands free, gripping me behind the neck, and drawing me back to her.

“That’s the point…” she said, drawing the breath out of me again. She pulled my face back down, not to her lips, but back to her bare neck. Gah! She wants this! My mind was whirling in confusion as my lips automatically kissed her neck and started working their way down to her shoulders again. My hand grazed its way down her silken arms and worked around to her back again, feeling the thin line of the bikini strap on her back. A simple pull…No!

“No, Bella!” I cried, using every ounce of restraint I could muster to push myself away from her, rocking onto my back and elbows, and completely separating from her now on the blanket. I could see the shock and hurt on her face, and on her stricken body as it reacted to my violent departure.

“Why?” she whispered, pain in her voice.

“Because you are leaving tomorrow!” I croaked out, frustration and pain turning into anger and spilling out into my voice. She cringed away from me, and I instantly regretted what I had said. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. This was not supposed to happen. She seemed to cave in on herself as she rolled up to a sitting position, fumbling for her shirt and trying to work her way through the arm-holes to put it back on. Before she could do so, I was back next to her, hovering, not wanting to touch her, but needing to comfort her.

“No. Bella. Please. I’m sorry,” I gushed, trying desperately to find some way to fix this. I hurt her! How had I completely messed this up? She moved away from me, hurt and rejection clear on her face. She was hiding her eyes from me, letting her hair fall to cover her face. I reached my arms around her, stopping her fumbling with the shirt, which was still only halfway up her arms. She struggled against me, trying to pull away, obviously angry and hurt. I didn’t let her go, pulling her even closer, arms locked tight around her until she stopped struggling and just sagged in my arms.

“Bella, I’m sorry, so sorry,” I whispered in her ear, groveling as best I could, my arms still forming an unbreakable hold around her. Her eyes were closed, but I could see small tears leaking from the corners. Waves of guilt surged through me. I pressed my forehead lightly into her hair, closing my eyes and wishing I wasn’t such a complete idiot. How do I make her understand?

“I want you more than you can possibly know,” I sighed softly into her hair. She had to know that, with the way I reacted every time I was within arms reach of her. “I just…” I was stumbling, searching for the thing that would make this better. “It would hurt too much,” I said, pain searing me already. She seemed to flinch under my arms, causing fresh pain to stab through me. “Please, Bella,” I begged, unable to think of anything else to do. “Please say you forgive me.” She didn’t move or speak.

We sat there, locked in silence for an agonizingly long minute, during which I was filled with regret and self-loathing. How had it come to this? This was what I was trying to avoid all along. I had tried to make this a perfect day, a last remembrance, and in a moment I had ruined it all. The agony of it was like a snake writhing inside me, biting and crushing me from the inside out. After an eternity of waiting, she took a long deep breath and straightened up in my arms. I released her instantly, and she turned around to face me. The tears were wiped away by the wind, but I could still see the pain in her eyes. She smiled at me, but I feared it was more of a grimace. She reached up and put her arms around me and hugged me, whispering into my ear, “It’s okay, Edward.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding, gathering her into my arms and pulling her into my lap. I held her for a long time, unwilling to let her go. She finally pulled away from me, snuggling down in my arms the way she had that first time that we kissed, resting her head on my shoulder and breathing softly on my neck. It still sent shivers down my spine, but more importantly, it told me that she forgave me—or at least, that she didn’t completely hate me. I sighed in relief, tension slowly seeping out of my body.

We sat that way for a long time, not thinking, just being. After a while, I realized that the sun was truly blazing now, and she never had managed to fully put her shirt back on. I gently disentangled her from the shirt, untangled it from itself, and then gently sat her up and slipped it back over her head. She put her arms through it, and then stared into my eyes for a moment, still sitting in my lap. She smiled again, and this time it seemed a little less grimace-like. Silently, she rose up, and before I could get too anxious that she had changed her mind and was going to demand to leave, she held her hand out to me. I gladly took it, getting up quickly from the blanket.

We slowly, leisurely, walked down the beach, holding hands, our toes occasionally getting washed with warm Atlantic salt water from waves that extended beyond their normal reach. We walked just outside the water line, to spare our tender feet from the broken shells. As we were walking, I spotted one white, perfect half shell—unbroken and glistening on the wet sand. I bent to pick it up, and noticed that it wasn’t pure white, but had a faint touch of pink in it—the exact color of that beautiful blush that rose in Bella’s cheeks. I slipped the shell into my pocket.

My heart was still aching from the hurt I had caused her earlier, but fingering the shell in my pocket I felt that somehow it was going to be alright. I stopped walking and pulled her around to face me, gently taking her cheek in my hand and gazing into those molten chocolate eyes. The hurt was gone, but there seemed to be a sadness rimming them—or was it just redness from the tears of before? Taking her face in both hands, I kissed her lightly on her eyelids, her forehead, and her cheeks, wishing I could kiss away the sadness. She smiled at me again, a little more of the true Bella smile that I treasured.

“Do you want to leave?” I had to ask. She had hardly spoken and I wanted to make sure she knew that she was not trapped here with me, if she did not want to be.

“No,” she replied. She closed her eyes for a small moment, taking a deep breath. I waited, inwardly trembling at what she was gathering her courage to say. “Edward, I want to spend every moment with you that I can,” she said, a small, shy smile on her face.

I exhaled involuntarily, relieved and amazed at my incredible luck. It occurred to me that I didn’t deserve her—I didn’t deserve someone that understanding—and that I would do just about anything for her. “Your wish is my command, my lady,” I replied, smiling and bending to kiss her softly.

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Chapter: 10

Chapter 10 - Farewell

BPOV

The embarrassment and pain still burned in my chest like a tiny flame licking at my heart. It had faded somewhat from earlier, when we were on the beach, when I thought it would consume me and I might spontaneously combust right there. If it hadn’t been for Edward’s obvious pain about it, I think I would have simply fled. He had been so kind, so gentle, practically begging me to forgive him—me forgive him, when I was the one who had presumed way too much.

I lay on the couch with him now, my head on a pillow in his lap, staring at the fire he had insisted on starting in the massive white stone fireplace in the great room. It was a natural gas fireplace and he had been fascinated by the fact that you could start it with the push of a button, and so we had turned it on, in spite of the tropical heat that was starting to seep into the house. He was idly playing with my hair as it fanned out across the pillow, occasionally stroking my head as well, and causing me the most incredible feeling of being loved.

What had possessed me to throw myself at him on the beach? I knew the answer, but it was painful to admit. I had desperately wanted something from him, something to remember him by, after our tragically brief time together was at an end. It seemed like a good idea at the time. In that initial haze from the night before, when I realized that my heart was completely owned by Edward Cullen, it seemed like the logical thing—he was incredibly beautiful, I loved him, and I was never going to see him again. What could make more sense? Now I saw that it was a terrible idea, and briefly threatened to ruin what we had, this beautiful beginning, even if it was destined to end prematurely. It had hurt so much when he had pulled away from me, rejected me. When Edward said it would hurt him too much to be with me, that just seemed to make the pain worse, as if being with me was something horrible for him to endure. It had, very slowly, dawned on me that it was because Edward actually cared about me, more than I realized, that he reacted the way that he did. That settled my heart, still riddled with pain but calm, replacing the pain with that aching sadness that came when I thought of how short our time was. He was everything I had hoped to find in someone, and several things it hadn’t even occurred to me to look for…

“What are you thinking?” he asked me, pulling me back into the present.

I turned my head to look up at him, curiosity and concern on his face. “I was thinking about you,” I said, not wanting to lie to him.

He smiled, green eyes sparkling. “What about me?”

My voice caught in my throat. I didn’t know if I could say the things I was feeling, without bringing back some of the pain. I reached up and touched his face lightly with my fingertips. I absolutely loved doing that. “About how good you are to me,” I whispered, eyes locked on his and hoping he would hear the love in my voice.

His face changed abruptly and he seemed staggered by what I said. He recovered quickly, though, curling his fingers through the hair by my face, and saying, “You deserve someone who will treat you right, Bella. Promise me…” he trailed off, blinking and looking away, seeming to lose his nerve.

“What?” I asked.

He looked back at me, with a determined, almost severe, look on his face. “Promise me that you won’t ever settle for anything less,” he demanded. Then his face softened, and he added, “Okay?”

I was breathless with the emotion in his face, so I just nodded, and looked away before I could start to cry. Damn tears always showed up at the least convenient of times. We were silent for a moment, and then he went back to stroking my head and running his fingers through my hair.

Looking for some way to change the subject, I said, “This place is amazing.” My eyes swept the room, taking in the natural white granite of the fireplace, the polished wooden beams of the floor and ceiling, the fine white woven rug and modern furniture. This was easily the nicest house I had ever been in. “Can you imagine living here?”

He laughed a short laugh. “Well, that’s not likely on a Navy salary,” he said, playfully. Then, more seriously, he asked, “It that important to you?”

He was looking at me again, with curiosity burning in his eyes. I sat up, but close, so that I could rest my hand on the back of the couch next to him and casually stroke his shoulder. I loved being able to touch him. “Not really. It’s kind of impersonal, don’t you think?” He smiled. “It’s beautiful, but it would be like living in some kind of magazine, if you actually lived here.”

“I prefer something that feels like home,” he agreed, a strange look on his face. Almost…wistful? He brightened. “We might as well enjoy it while we’re here, though. We haven’t really explored the house. Shall we?” he asked, getting up from the couch and holding out his hand. I took it automatically, thinking there wasn’t anywhere he would ask me that I wouldn’t go.

We wandered through the main floor of the house, finding an entire guest suite, a recreation room and a few bathrooms. The second floor was mostly bedrooms and an office. The last room that we came to, at the very end of the upper hallway, was a large library room. I was instantly in love. The walls were alternately filled with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and windows that looked out onto the beach. Bright sunshine streamed into the room, falling on the overstuffed couches that filled the center of the room. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect place.

I drifted over to the bookshelves, running my fingers along the book bindings and taking in the eclectic combination of modern art coffee table books to classics to ancient books that seemed like they might crumble under my fingers if I tried to open them. Edward had the same look of giddy excitement on his face that I did, so we pulled a few books from the shelves and settled into one of the couches. We sat at opposite ends of the couch, bare toes playfully intertwining, reading our separate books. Later, when Edward found a collection of Jane Austen’s works, he snuggled me close, my head resting on his chest while he read to me. The sound of his deep, yet incredibly sweet, voice resonating in his chest as he read was amazingly soothing. My hands were busy playing with the fabric of his shirt, no doubt distracting him from what he was reading. When he paused, I lifted my head up and reached up to kiss him lightly on the lips.

“What was that for?” he asked smiling.

“For reading so well,” I said, grinning.

“Well, I’ll have to do more of that,” he said, turning back to the book. I very much wanted to kiss that angel face again, but I restrained myself, returning my head to his chest and looking out at the sun sinking down towards the water.

“Oh no!” I said, sitting up suddenly.

He looked alarmed. “What is it?”

“We’ve got to get back to the boat! What time is it?” We scrambled around to find a clock and realized we had to leave immediately if we had any hope of catching the last boarding call at five o’clock. When we had breathlessly scooped up our picnic basket and things, jumped in the car and were speeding down the winding highway, I laughed.

“What if we missed the boat?” I asked mischievously, looking sideways at him, my dark sunglasses protecting me from the glare of the sinking sun.

He grinned. “Well, I guess I’d be stuck on a tropical island with you forever.”

“Would that be so bad?” I asked, feigning injury.

“I think I could endure it,” he replied, wicked smile on his lips. His hand slid across the console to capture mine, fingers interlacing. “Might get kind of boring though…” he continued.

“Boring?” I demanded, slightly affronted now.

“There’s only so much paradise I can handle in one sitting,” he said, greatly enjoying teasing me. “It would be much better to be trapped in Italy with you…or, perhaps we could go to Australia?”

“Okay,” I said, mollified, “but if we’re going to hack through the outback, you’re going to need to protect me from the wild dingoes and wallabies…and probably bring lots of first aid as well.” He laughed heartily as we sped down the highway, and I was entranced by it. How I wished I would be around to make him laugh like that all the time. He broke whatever speed limits might have existed on the island getting us back to the boat, because we were there in no time. The last few straggling passengers were heading up the gangplank as we parked the Volvo and ran hand-in-hand down the pier. We were out of breath when we reached the bottom of the gangplank, and received some arched eyebrow stares from the crew manning the boarding desk, but we were safely aboard.

As we walked into the entry lounge of the ship, I suddenly realized I had no idea what was next. Was this goodbye? Is this where we parted? Before I could get too panicked about the thought of it, Edward turned to me, pulling me close and kissing me quickly.

“Meet you in an hour for dinner?” he asked.

I hoped that my relief did not show too strongly on my face as I nodded vigorously.

“I’ll pick you up.” He grinned and left me to find my own way to the cabin. That was unfortunate, given that I still had no idea about the general layout of the ship, but he hurried off before I could ask him to point me in the right direction. Afraid I would spend the next hour wandering, I caught the sleeve of a passing crew member and asked him for directions.

Safely back in my cabin, I checked in with Mom and Phil, and told them I would be having dinner with Edward. They didn’t seem terribly surprised. I dodged questions about our day on the island. I would have plenty of time to explain everything to Mom later, and I really had no interest in Phil ever knowing. I needed to shower and get the sand and grime off before Edward would be back to pick me up. I didn’t have any idea how to dress, not knowing where we were eating. I had to assume that it would be formal again, so I perused the remaining dress selections. I was pretty much left with the white dress that my mom had picked out, although it looked woefully inadequate next to Alice’s selections. I had to admit, Alice had good taste. I was halfway tempted to call her in for a consultation, but decided I didn’t really want to go over all the details of the day with Edward’s sister. I realized suddenly that I might not see her again, either, and that thought weighed me down. I pushed it away as I hopped in the shower. I still had the evening left, and I was determined that we would enjoy it. No sad thoughts tonight.

The steam from the shower made the air thick. I breathed it in deeply, trying to release some of the leftover pain of the day. Edward was like a dream that I was still living, one that I could still shape and guide, and I wanted to have the rest of the dream be happy and loving. But, tugging at the edges of my mind, was the clear knowledge that when the end came it was going to hurt like nothing I had ever felt before.

EPOV

Emmett was getting ready for dinner when I arrived back at our cabin. I didn’t want to discuss the day—I needed to get a shower and get ready for dinner as well—but there was no avoiding it, apparently.

“Hey! How’d the big day go?” he asked.

“Great,” I said, casually, trying to inhibit further questions, and heading for the shower. He frowned at me, clearly not satisfied with my answer.

“Everything go okay?” he probed, looking concerned.

“Yeah, it went fine,” I insisted. “I need to get a shower. I’m taking Bella to dinner.”

Emmett smiled. “Well, that’s about the only excuse that would get you off the hook with Mom, you know.” I smiled slightly back, and hoped that he would be leaving before I had to go get Bella.

“So, everyone’s eating together tonight?”

“Yeah, I think we’re eating with Bella’s parents again. With you two not there, we’ll probably end up talking about you most of the time.” Emmett laughed.

I grimaced. I wasn’t sure which was worse—enduring the family dinner or having them talk about us while we weren’t there. It didn’t really matter, though—I was determined to have Bella all to myself tonight.

“You could give me something to tell them, you know…” Emmett said, leadingly.

“Not a chance!” I grinned as I got in the shower.

“I’ll just be forced to make something up…” he threatened loud enough to be heard over the shower. I ignored him.

I took my time in the shower, hoping Emmett would leave, and letting the hot steamy water relax me. The day had started out great, gone disastrously wrong on the beach, but somehow still ended up okay. I was afraid that Bella would have been so hurt that it would have ended our time together, even before the end of the trip. But she had forgiven me, and seemed to be over it—or at least the worst of it. The more time I spent with her, the more we seemed so much alike, enjoying so many of the same things…it was as if she was my mirror, alike in so many ways and yet opposite in others. I wished there was more time to explore that, but our time was quickly coming to an end. I brushed that thought aside, before my heart could sink too much, and I heard a slight click come from the cabin that I hoped was Emmett leaving for dinner. When I got out of the shower, I remembered to retrieve the shell from my pocket. I carefully washed and dried it. Emmett had gone, so I tucked it away in my drawer and brought out the small box so I would remember to bring it to dinner. I threw on a grey polo and khaki slacks, not needing to be quite so dressed for dinner tonight.

I was early again, knocking on Bella’s door. I wondered briefly if she had figured out my maniacal tendency to be on-time. When she opened the door, she looked refreshed and happy to see me, and had dressed for dinner in another beautiful dress that clung in all the right places. Her hair was put up again, exposing her neck. I couldn’t decide if I liked it better down, so I could touch it, or up showing off the graceful curve of her neck. I decided I was lucky man either way.

“Hi,” I grinned at her. “Am I too early?”

“No. I was hoping you would be,” she said, shyly, making me grin even wider. Then I noticed a slight sunburn on her cheeks and I frowned.

Tenderly running my finger across her cheekbone, I said, “I think I kept you too long at the beach. Does it hurt?” She caught my hand in hers and pressed it against her cheek, closing her eyes for a moment. She shook her head. The feeling of her cheek on my palm, so soft and pulsing with the warmth of the slight burn, made my breath catch and I found myself pulling her into me, kissing her softly. Our kisses had been soft and sweet, since that ardent and unfortunate time on the beach. I found myself wanting more now and yet afraid—I didn’t want to make her feel awkward. I lingered a little longer, and then moved to pepper her reddened cheeks with my kisses to erase any awkwardness left behind.

As I pulled back, I said, “I’m afraid you may be overdressed for dinner.”

She looked chagrined, glancing down at her dress. Looking back up at me, she said, “Where are we going?”

“To the Fifties Diner.”

“Ugh. I can go change—it will only take a minute.”

“Absolutely not!” I grinned, pretending to be outraged, and taking her hand firmly in mine, I towed her down the hallway. She protested only a little.

The diner was relatively empty, most passengers having opted for the final, formal dinner of the cruise. We managed to get a booth, so we would have a little more privacy, but still had a great view of the setting sun out the window. The red from the sunset brought out the reddish highlights in her hair, providing a beautiful contrast to the warm chocolate richness of her eyes, and I realized I was staring when I didn’t hear what she had said.

“Sorry?”

“I said, ‘What are you thinking?’” she laughed.

Taken in by your beauty? “Um, hoping you’re not disappointed with the down home fare at the grill?” I scrambled to answer.

“I’ve never had so many formal meals as I’ve had on this cruise. It’s nice to have something normal for a change,” she smiled. I realized that nothing was going to be normal for me again—my life was changing, but even more, I never knew there could be someone like Bella in the world for me. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it definitely wasn’t normal. I had thought I would wait until the end of our meal, but it was taking some time for our server to arrive. I fished the small box out of my pocket.

“I have something for you,” I said, watching her reaction carefully as I placed the box in front of her on the gingham checked tablecloth. “Something for you to remember me by.” Her eyes went wide and she seemed at a loss for words. She seemed hesitant to take it, just staring blankly at the box like she thought it might bite her.

“Well, at least open it up before you decide you don’t want it,” I teased. She looked at me like I was being ridiculous, and reached for the box. Inside, nestled in some white cotton, lay a tiny golden lifesaver ring on a delicate gold chain. Her lips formed a silent ‘Oh’ and she reached inside to lightly touch the ring.

“Do you like it?” I asked, anxiously waiting for some kind of response from her. I was afraid she might think it was strange, this token of our life saving adventures together.

“It’s perfect,” she whispered. Her hands seemed to be trembling, which I didn’t understand, until I realized mine were doing the same thing. She was having trouble getting it out of the box, so I got up and went to her side, kneeling one knee down next to her chair so I could easily be at face level with her. I wordlessly took it out of the box, unclasped it, and looped it around her bare neck. I moved in close to clasp it behind her, breathing in her intoxicating scent as I did. I couldn’t resist inadvertently brushing my cheek against hers as I drew back and looked into those chocolate pools again.

She touched my cheek, the one that had just touched hers. “Thank you.” She seemed hesitant, as if she didn’t know if she could kiss me, maybe still embarrassed about earlier at the beach. But whenever she touched my face like that, I had a hard time not kissing her anyway, and so I did. Fervently. Until I realized we were still at the grill and it probably was neither the time nor the place for that kiss. I grinned sheepishly at her and went back to my seat.

She bit her lip in the most appealing way, and I joked, “We may have caught the waitress’ attention with that one...” I could see her coming to take our order. She laughed, smiling conspiratorially with me, and we just managed to compose ourselves when the waitress arrived. We ordered and talked and dinner seemed to pass quickly. Occasionally she would reach up and finger the lifesaver ring, sliding it up and down the chain, almost unconsciously. It made my heart swell each time she did it.

By the time we finished dinner, it was dark. The deep indigo sky was quickly fading to black and stars were starting to twinkle. We decided to take a walk on deck, but it was too windy, the ship having made it to open water and picking up speed. Instead, we walked the hallways aimlessly for a while, holding hands and chatting. It was getting late, and passengers were starting to fill the hallways as they left the after-dinner shows and made their way to the lounges or their cabins. I reluctantly started steering us back to her cabin, several levels down in the bowels of the ship. My heart started pounding in my chest as we rounded the corner to the hallway where her cabin lay. We had fallen silent, our easy conversation giving way to an uneasy silence as we approached her door.

This was the part I had been dreading, the part I had been avoiding thinking about. I couldn’t seem to find anything at all to say, and felt the blood rushing in my ears as my heart continued to pound ferociously. She seemed nervous as well and her fingers flew to the little lifesaver hanging around her neck, wringing it unconsciously. That simple motion touched me deep inside and I pulled her to me and kissed her with all the unspoken feeling I had within me. She teetered on those dangerously high heels that she wore, and I caught her, holding her tight against me with one arm, the other hand behind her neck and trapping her to me. When I released her, I was breathless, mind spinning from the force of that kiss.

“Goodnight,” I breathed, and turned and walked away. The trembling in my body didn’t stop until well after I was back in my cabin, under the covers, trying desperately to stop my mind from thinking, and seeking the oblivion of sleep.

BPOV

Passengers had to debark by ten o’clock, which would seem to leave a tremendous amount of time to get ready, but I was traveling with my mom and Phil, so naturally we were pushing the limits of getting out on time.

Goodnight, he had said last night, after that passionate kiss that left me breathless and bewildered. Not ‘goodbye’, but ‘goodnight’. That meant I would see him again, this morning, before we left, right? But there had been no sign of him. When it was obvious that Mom was not going to be ready to go until just before the deadline, I had snuck up to his and his family’s cabins, just to try and say one last goodbye—but they had already checked out. I had the sinking feeling that I wouldn’t get another chance.

I had one small roller bag, but my mom had managed to bring more than the three of us could comfortably manage, so I had to tow one of hers as well as mine. I struggled to get them down the gangplank, stunned by the brightness of the mid-morning Florida sunshine as I emerged from the ship. I looked around the pier below, thinking I might catch a glimpse of bronze hair…but, nothing. I continued my wrestling with the luggage all the way to the bottom of the gangplank before finally tripping at the bottom, sending luggage flying in two different directions, and barely keeping myself from falling.

And then he was there, holding my arm, steadying me and looking into my eyes. I was so glad to see him that I forgot about the luggage and just threw my arms around him. He hugged me tightly, and my arms seemed to be locked of their own volition around his neck, not wanting to release him. When I finally, slowly, let him go, he kissed me again, as he had the night before, with such tenderness mixed with passion that I completely stopped breathing and very nearly swooned, as I had that first night that I saw him.

Without a word, he turned and walked away, not looking back. I watched him as he disappeared into the crowd, ripping a piece of my heart and taking it with him.

Dearest Readers,

Fear not! Farewell is not Goodbye and this is NOT the end of the story. How could it be? No, there is much more to tell, so please stay tuned and I promise to get the next chapter out soon. In the meantime, here is a teaser from Chapter 11, just to whet your appetite…

I had managed to survive the day, which surprised no one more than me. Even more of a surprise was how much I had enjoyed it. I was thankful, because I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to feel normal again. I was waiting for the pickups to arrive, clipboard and walkie-talkie in hand, sure I could handle this final task. Angela had talked me into going with some friends out for pizza later—and I was actually looking forward to it now, rather than dreading it as I had ever since she brought it up.

The first car, a small red sports car that looked like it cost more than my first year of tuition at Dartmouth, had arrived and was pulling up to the check-out spot where I stood. I quickly looked at my clipboard to make sure I was ready. As the car pulled up to me, I said, “Name and class?” looking more at the car than the driver.

“Lily Cooper in Fairies and Fairytales,” said a deep, resonant voice that chilled me. I slowly looked up and saw those brilliant blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair that I knew well. James. What was he doing here?? He smiled at me, with a knowing look that rendered me speechless and angry at the same time…

Chapter 11, coming soon…!

Please Review!!

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Chapter: 11

Chapter 11 – Waiting

Dearest Readers,

In this chapter, and future ones as necessary, Edward and Bella’s points-of-view will be overlapping in time, and not sequentially as they have been before. Hopefully, it will be clear as you read! Enjoy!

BPOV

That first week back from the cruise seemed like waking from a beautiful dream, albeit one with a very sad ending. Only I couldn’t seem to wake up. I stumbled through the days, doing post-vacation laundry, catching up with friends and generally going through the motions of life in the lazy days of summer. But somehow I was never truly awake—unless I was thinking of Edward and those days with him, which seemed to take up a lot of my time lately. My mom and Phil just tip-toed around me. A couple of times, Mom asked if I wanted to talk, but I really didn’t—somehow I wasn’t ready to share it with her. I wondered if I ever would be.

Angela noticed my gloom, of course, and I told her about Edward—the highly edited, but still pertinent version. She had suggested that I come over for a sleepover and have a Jane Austen marathon. Spending some girl time with my best friend seemed like the right thing to do, even though all I really wanted to do was stay home. I agreed to drag myself to Angela’s house, but had to refuse the Austen marathon—it was just too raw a wound in my mind. I suggested Get Smart instead, hoping a comedy might lift my mood and I wouldn’t be completely annoying to be around. When I arrived, Angela had popcorn popped and a selection of comedies stacked by the TV. I felt better already.

Angela was eyeing me, concern on her normally untroubled features, her sleek dark hair tucked neatly behind her ears. Her dark brown eyes were somber tonight, and I could tell she wanted to talk about something. She normally was so reserved and never pried, which was one of the things I loved about her. But she wasn’t afraid to make her point known, either, which I also respected. We settled into the couch, popcorn bowl wedged between us, and remote control on standby.

She paused for a moment, considering, and then stated, “You should call him, you know.”

I frowned, wishing that the more reserved Angela had shown up for the movies, instead of the smart, pointed one. “I don’t have his number,” I replied, hoping that would end it.

She looked exasperated. “Bella, that’s lame! You can get his number if you want to. That’s why God gave us the internet.”

I gave a short laugh, the first since I had returned from Florida, and then smiled nervously. “I’m not sure he wants me to call him, Angela,” I said, very quietly.

“Are you kidding? The man gave you jewelry,” she said, gesturing to the small lifesaver still around my neck. I hadn’t taken it off since he’d put it on me. “He definitely wants you to call him.”

“Ang, he…” I hesitated, not knowing how to talk about my greatest dread in all of this. “He probably just wants to move on and forget about me. I mean, it’s not like we’re ever going to see each other again. I don’t want to…” My voice was somehow lost, my throat closing up.

“What?” Angela asked, very softly.

“I don’t want to bother him. He’s probably gone anyway.” My shoulders slumped and I was miserable again, just like when I first got back, when I could hardly get out of bed for days. Angela was quiet. She was one of the most serious people that I knew, another thing that I loved about her. I realized that, although he had never met her, I was sure that Edward would like her too—they were both serious, and thoughtful. I was really going to miss her when we went off to our respective schools. I sighed, waiting for her to say something, as I knew she would when she was ready. She took a bite of popcorn and chewed it thoughtfully.

“You should write him a letter, then,” she finally said. “If he doesn’t want you to bother him, he doesn’t have to write back. If he does want you to bother him,” she said with an uncharacteristic glint in her eye, “then he will write back. Simple.”

I smiled, and shook my head. It was hard to argue with her logic, but the thought of writing Edward both terrified and thrilled me. As soon as she said it, though, I knew I would do it. “You know you’re the best friend ever, right?” I said.

“Yup,” she replied calmly, hitting the play button and turning the movie on for us.

The next day, I was anxious to write my letter. It was Sunday, so the letter wouldn’t go out today, but I just wanted to get it done. Yet when I was sitting on my bed, stationery in hand, sun falling through the window and lighting up the page, somehow I couldn’t even start. After staring at the blank sheet for half an hour, inspiration struck and I decided to write Alice instead. I wrote her quick note, writing that I missed her already and wished her luck at Monterey Bay. I included Angela’s cell phone, so they could meet up in the fall. A cursory look on found a Carlisle Cullen living in Forks, Washington. I addressed and stamped the letter to Alice and laid it on the bed next to me. The blank page intended for Edward was still staring at me. I took a deep breath and started writing.

Dearest Edward,

I’ve missed you so much it makes my heart cry every time I go to sleep.

Ack! True, but completely ridiculous. I crumpled it up, tossed it on the floor, and got out another sheet.

Hi!

How are you? I’m fine. Hope things are going well there! Good luck in Basic!

Ugh! Pathetic and completely, transparently false—another one for the floor. I put my head in my hands, wondering how I could be so fantastically bad at this. I leaned my head back against the headboard, nervously sliding my lifesaver ring back and forth on its chain. I thought of that time in the library, when we sat reading for hours and it seemed like minutes. I picked up my pen again.

Dear Edward,

I foolishly forgot to give you my address before. I don’t know if you’ll have any time to write, but I would love to hear about Basic Training.

I know you’ve prepared well for it, and will be brilliant at it.

Take Care,

Bella

p.s. My address is Bella Swan, 432 Avalon Dr., Phoenix AZ 85045

I hastily folded the letter up, before I lost my nerve, sealed the envelope and addressed it. It sat next to Alice’s letter and I stared at it for a long time. I sighed and took the two envelopes downstairs, placing them in the mailbox for the next day’s mail.

The next day came sooner than I would have thought. Sending the letter, knowing there was some possibility that he might respond, set my heart lighter than it had been since I had returned. Today was also the first day with the summer campers, which was an excellent distraction. Instead of being depressed and missing Edward, I could be terrified that I would be miserably bad as a camp counselor. Angela kept trying to reassure me that it would be easy, maybe even fun, but I think I preferred the terror to the gloominess that kept nibbling at my mind.

At least Angela and I would be working together, running an all-day camp called Fairies and Fairytales. The brilliant sun blazed down, already well over ninety this morning, as we pulled up to the YMCA. I was thankful that our camp was going to be indoors—the dry furnace that was Phoenix in the summer had already started to burn. The camp was supposed to be for 6-10 year olds, although most of the campers seemed to be 7 year old girls. There was one, Lily, who attached herself to me right away. Her blond curls bounced up and down as she looked up at me with clear blue eyes and practically begged me to read Garden Fairies, a slim book that she was waving in front of me. She tugged on my hand, pulling me to the carpet in the center of the room, and like gravity we pulled in the other milling campers to sit and read. Angela smiled approvingly at me as she scurried around, getting the supplies ready for the first camp activity, some kind of art project that I was certain the girls would be able to complete better than I. One of the girls had reddish brown hair, almost the same color as Edward’s, only hers was long and sleek falling far past her shoulders. Trying to push away that thought, I dove into the book, dramatically reading the various Garden Fairy voices and somehow entrancing all ten girls and one boy. I silently thanked Lily for instinctively knowing how to get things off to a smooth start.

“Miss Bella!” she cried when we were done. “Another one!”

“I think Miss Angela is ready for our project,” I said, guiding them to the project stations that Angela had prepared. Thank God she was on top of this.

The day went remarkably smoothly, thanks to Angela’s preparations. Lily was my lunch buddy, insisting on sharing her teddy grahams with me when she saw I had neglected to bring a lunch. She was my constant companion through the day, and by the afternoon I was even thinking of some fun things I might bring the next day, especially for her. Her excitement was infectious.

At the end of the day, I was assigned pickup line duty. I had managed to survive the day, which surprised no one more than me. Even more of a surprise was how much I had enjoyed it. I was thankful, because I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to feel normal again. I was waiting for the pickups to arrive, clipboard and walkie-talkie in hand, sure I could handle this final task. Angela had talked me into going with some friends out for pizza later—and I was actually looking forward to it now, rather than dreading it as I had ever since she brought it up.

The first car, a small red sports car that looked like it cost more than my first year of tuition at Dartmouth, had arrived and was pulling up to the check-out spot where I stood. I quickly looked at my clipboard to make sure I was ready. As the car pulled up to me, I said, “Name and class?” looking more at the car than the driver.

“Lily Cooper in Fairies and Fairytales,” said a deep, resonant voice that chilled me. I slowly looked up and saw those brilliant blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair that I knew well. James. What was he doing here?? He smiled at me, with a knowing look that rendered me speechless and angry at the same time. I felt the blood rising up in my face. I shook my head, looked away from him, and called, “Lily Cooper—Fairies and Fairytales,” into my walkie-talkie, just now piecing together that Lily, my Lily, must be James’ little sister.

When I looked back, James’ smile had faded, apparently registering the anger in my face. “She’ll be here in a minute,” I said, tightly, feeling frozen.

“Bella…” he said, stopping at the look on my face. There was really nothing I wanted to hear from him. “How have you been?” he asked, more timidly, seeming to genuinely want to know.

“Fine.” The last thing I wanted to do was talk to him. Where was Lily?

“Miss Bella! Miss Bella!” Lily called, breaking the tension and running around the car to throw her small arms around me for a goodbye hug.

“Lily, honey, be careful! You can’t run out in the parking lot like that!” I admonished her gently. She couldn’t help who her big brother was.

“But I wanted to give you a hug goodbye!”

“Next time we’ll have our goodbye hugs before pickup, okay?”

“Okay!” she sang. I opened the back door for her and helped her climb in. She expertly buckled herself up. James was watching us and I was doing my best to ignore his stares. When I closed the door and stepped away, he said, “It looks like you’ve made a new friend.” Before I could respond, he added, “See you tomorrow, Miss Bella!” with a brilliant smile on his face.

“Bye, Miss Bella!” called Lily, sticking her small hand out the window to wave at me as they drove away. A tight knot formed in my stomach. Tomorrow?

Later, Angela and I met up with her friends at the pizza place. She could tell something was wrong, but I didn’t want to talk about it, and today she was being reserved Angela, perhaps unwilling to pry after our talk about Edward. Her friends were mostly other camp counselors, some of whom I had met today, and of course Mike. I was surprised that I had not seen Mike before now, having been home almost a week and a half. I wondered if Angela had said anything to keep him away for a while…probably not. He was beaming at me, his familiar short spiky blonde hair and bright blue eyes comforting. He seemed joyously happy to see me, as usual, and I tried hard to muster a smile for him. I failed, and he noticed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern etched on his round, sweet-natured face. It was hard not to like Mike, when he so obviously cared for me like that. I thought wryly about what Edward had said, ‘some poor guy Mike is out of the running…’—if I had ever had any doubts about my feelings for Mike, they were gone now that Edward had stepped into my life, dazzling and devastating me. Angela was looking at me with arched eyebrows, no doubt curious if I would talk about Edward with Mike. I certainly was going to dodge that at all costs.

“Oh, I’m fine. I just saw James today in the pickup line.” Both Angela and Mike looked alarmed at that.

“Is he harassing you? Just say the word, Bella, and I’ll make sure he doesn’t.” The fierce chivalry in Mike’s eyes would have been funny if it wasn’t so terribly sweet—and I knew that he would do anything that I asked of him. I sighed.

“No, no, it was fine. He just caught me off guard, is all. I haven’t seen him since…well, in a long time. He was nice, really.” I wanted to convince Mike that he didn’t need to go hunt James down, or do anything crazy. They both looked skeptically at me and Mike looked like I shot his puppy. I think he really wanted an excuse to go after James.

“Angela, maybe you could work the pickup line tomorrow for me?” I added, to put them both at ease.

“Can do,” she replied, and that seemed to satisfy them both, Angela more than Mike. I was relieved as well—at least I wouldn’t have to face the prospect of seeing James again tomorrow.

EPOV

I was searching, scanning the faces on the pier. I wasn’t going to come, but I simply couldn’t stay away, and now I was afraid I was too late. Where was she? First I saw the luggage, flying in different directions, and then I saw her, stumbling, looking like she might fall. I flew to her side, catching her arm and keeping her from falling. She grabbed me and hugged me tightly, pulling all the breath out of me. I held onto her like I would never let her go. When she finally, reluctantly loosened her hold on me, I didn’t want her to leave with such desperation that I pulled her to me again and kissed her, softly but urgently. There was so much pain mixed with passion in that kiss that I couldn’t speak. I had meant to say goodbye, but I couldn’t open my mouth without having all the torment spill out of me. I turned and walked away, feeling ripped in half…

A shrieking whistle startled me awake, and I bolted out of bed, just barely missing the top bunk with my head and only grazing the top of my hair, which was still short enough to stick straight out from my head. Only three days in, and at least I had gotten the hang of that. I still had bruises from the first two days…

“You have two minutes to strip your rack in accordance with RDC instructions!” Recruit Division Commander McMillan was yelling at us as my fellow recruits were scrambling to get dressed. RDC McMillan was short, loud and not someone you wanted upset with you. In no time I had my smurfs on—the grey sweat suit I had to wear that branded me a new recruit until I could get my first uniform issue—in spite of the fact that my muscles were screaming at me to lay back down on my rack and end the agony. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the 0600 sunlight filtering in the windows high above us, and saw that at least I was faring better than my bunkmate, who had spent a good part of last night throwing up in the infirmary. He didn’t look much better this morning as he dizzily tried to climb into his sweats after practically falling out of the top bunk. I felt sorry for him and mentally thanked Emmett for the 100th time since I arrived here for the workouts he had helped me with over the last three months, in preparation for this. I had long ago stopped thinking of them as brutal…more like gentle exercises with encouragements of brotherly love…unlike the brand of Physical Training I was likely to get more of today from my RDC.

I had the sheets off, rolled up with my pillow and blanket and stowed at the end of the bed. Our two minutes were up and my bunkmate was still working on getting his smurfs on. I felt badly for him, but had no time to dwell on it.

“You have 15 minutes to make your rack in accordance with RDC instructions!” shouted our RDC, pausing to chastise my bunkmate with a flurry of colorful words. He was receiving instruction in how to ‘swear like a sailor’ today. I tried not to smile, and concentrated on making my rack such that I could avoid receiving my own cursing instructions.

I had dreamt about Bella again. The days were a blur of PT, orders, marching, classroom study, more PT and finally literally falling into my bunk, completely exhausted at lights out at 2200. I had signed up for 900 Division, which meant there would be some time for music during my 8 week stay in Texas—and it meant I would have extra practice duties, on top of all my other duties, to get ready to play with the Navy band. First practice was today, and I was hoping to be assigned trumpet. This had the double benefit of making my mom happy watching me play in the band at graduation, and giving me more distractions to keep my mind off Bella. It was hard to think about anything other than the task at hand during the day, but somehow Bella kept slipping into my thoughts here and there—and she completely ruled my nights. Each night was a different dream, tonight returning to that last agonizing kiss…

My rack was in order, remade hopefully in acceptable fashion for my RDC. If it wasn’t I’d be late to breakfast again—which meant no breakfast at all—and that day had not gone very well. Then again, my bunkmate had lost his breakfast during the first round of PT, so maybe missing breakfast the first day wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Emmett would be laughing his head off if he were here. He had driven me down from Forks, reassuring my mom that he would keep an eye out for me by sticking around the Corpus Christi Naval Air Station for the first couple weeks of Basic. He had some old friends who had moved to San Antonio, who he was no doubt getting into some kind of trouble with. I didn’t much appreciate the lack of confidence in my ability to make it through the first few weeks of Basic without a backup babysitter, but that was when most recruits washed out, and I knew he just did it for Mom. She and Dad had already left for two weeks in Hawaii, and he knew she would feel better if Emmett was close by, just in case. With Alice in Europe with her friends, it was a good thing Dad had signed her up for some time away from Forks. It was going to be hard enough for her once Alice left at the end of the summer—she didn’t need to face an empty house right away.

“Height line!” RDC McMillan shouted. Our fifteen minutes were up, and apparently my rack passed inspection because I didn’t attract any unwanted attention from our RDC. My bunkmate wasn’t so lucky. We started to fall out, exiting our ‘ship’ as we affectionately referred to our massive 1,000 person dormitory, and queuing up for breakfast. My division had classroom duty after our brief trip to the galley, so I was looking forward to a little more time for my muscles to recover before more PT. Hopefully we would have Petty Officer Reynolds for classroom duty today—she made learning Navy regulations slightly less tedious, giving me a small chance of not falling asleep in class, or daydreaming about white sand beaches in the Bahamas, and getting more unwanted attention. Getting unwanted attention was never a good thing.

We fell back into ranks after breakfast and marched to the classroom building across the outdoor training grounds. The sun was blazing hot—hotter than the most scorching August day in Forks—and I gave thanks that most of our training, including PT, was inside in the relatively cooler, air-conditioned environment of the station buildings. As we marched outside between buildings, the hot, damp salt breeze coming off the Gulf reminded me of when Bella and I were on the very top deck of the Liberty, holding each other. I had sheltered her from the wind and had tried not to embarrass her, too much, with my kisses. I took another deep breath of that salty smell before we marched indoors, something to hold onto and carry me through the class.

“Ready, SEATS!” yelled Recruit Petty Officer Simpson, who was in charge of getting us to and from where our division needed to go that day. We all attempted to sit in unison, and for the third day in a row, had to repeat it two more times before we got it right. Once we did, Petty Officer Reynolds walked in and quickly started up the class, an endless stream of PowerPoint lessons on a Navy-blue background. Unfortunately, even her animated lecturing on Navy ranks couldn’t keep my mind from wandering today…

Those first few days back in Forks I thought my mom was going to die from worry. I must have been in a world-class dark mood, because she kept trying to make me feel better, which only made me want to flee the house—and I couldn’t do that to her, having only a couple days left before we had to leave for Texas. I didn’t want to explain how much I was affected by Bella—I couldn’t put it into words when I was with her, much less with my family. So, I spent a lot of time on the piano those few days, thankfully finding that when I played my mom’s favorite songs, she calmed down a little and harassed me less. It worked out well for both of us.

Alice had buzzed around, as she normally does, but had kept her distance from me until it was nearly time for me to leave. She made a mushy scene, which I tolerated as best I could. I would miss her while I was in Basic, but at least I knew I would see her occasionally, eventually, when we both finally landed in Monterey Bay. Surprisingly, Emmett was the most emotional of them all. On the ride down, he kept talking about how everyone was going to miss me, leaving unsaid his feelings about it. When he dropped me off at the NASCC front gate, with my spare amount of civilian clothing and other items that were required stashed in my seabag, he had practically cried, something I hadn’t seen him do since we were kids. Strangely, I was the strong one, patting him on the back, telling him I’d call him first telephone privilege I had, just to boast about how fantastically I was doing. I had called him, too, after that first week of processing, although he was in some kind of bar and could barely hear me. I laughed for a solid minute after that call, it was so typical Emmett—the first time I had laughed since I returned from Florida. Most of the time, I just carried around a dull ache in my heart, in the place where Bella should have been.

I roused myself from my thoughts, looking up at Petty Officer Reynolds, and noticing for the first time that her hair had red highlights in it, brought out by the blazing sunlight streaming in the window and reminding me of Bella’s hair on the beach. I forced myself to pay attention to Petty Officer Reynolds’ words, not her hair, knowing that if I didn’t get the regs and ranks down, I wouldn’t do well on the written test coming up at the end of the week, and I certainly didn’t want to find out what happened then. I would save my Bella musings for later, when I had time to think, once the lights were out and the night was mine…

BPOV

The second day of camp went almost as smoothly as the first, and Lily was now permanently attached to my side. I had brought an old book of poetry for her, called The Faerie Queene, and we shared it with all the campers. The poetry was far too complicated for their seven-year-old patience, but it had fantastic pictures and intricate paintings of medieval fairies that they all loved. They each had a turn during the day to look at it, but I told Lily it was special for her and that she could take it home to look at, as long as she promised to bring it back. That earned me an extra hug and a kiss on the cheek that warmed my tired, leaden heart for the first time since Edward had left me on the pier. I sighed. It seemed I could never get far from thinking about him.

Angela kept her word, taking my place on pickup line duty, and even arranged with the head camp counselor to keep me off pickup duty for the rest of the week. I was lucky have such a good friend, but I was still tired by the end of the day, and begged off another round of pizza with her friends. I just wanted to go home and mope…and check my mailbox. I knew it was completely irrational, there was no possible way that Edward could have received my letter by now, much less written me back. But now that I had opened the possibility in my mind, it stuck there like a small ray of hope in the black cloud that was my thinking most of the time.

The next day, thunderstorms kept all the campers inside most of the day, adding to the general mayhem. We did double duty at lunch, watching the campers as they ran around the gym, resembling a swarm of bees more than children and all antsy from being cooped up inside all day. Lily had brought back my Faerie book, just as I asked, and when she gave it to me I saw there was a note tucked inside. I didn’t have time to read it right away and put the book away with my things for later. I was doing better in not thinking about Edward every time I looked at the bronze haired girl—her name was Julia, and I had finally memorized the camper’s names—but I still found my thoughts drifting to him during the slow parts of the day. The anticipation of having written to him, but not having heard back from him was starting to eat away at me. I wondered what he was doing right now. He must be in Basic Training by now, and I tried to envision what that would be like. But every time I thought of him, I only came up with snapshots from the cruise—kissing him the very first time…walking hand-in-hand along the beach…his hand gently rubbing mine under the table at dinner. And each time, it was like a fresh stab to my heart. I really needed some kind of serious distraction. Focusing on the kids helped, and I tried to keep my attention from wandering.

The day was over before I knew it, and I was stationed at the camper pickup table with the Fairies and Fairytales kids, awaiting their parents. One by one, each of their names were called, until only Lily was left. As I realized that it was well past time for her to be picked up, I collected my things and walked her to the front of the pickup area, and only figured out what had happened when I saw him. He was leaning casually up against the chain-link fence, long, lean body looking completely at ease and blonde hair shining in the afternoon sun and falling across his face. I briefly remembered why I was so attracted to James in the first place—he had that same charming look of casual innocence that Lily did, only all grown up…and obviously waiting for us.

I grimaced as I started to walk Lily over to him. When he saw us, his face lit up in a smile that was all charisma and friendliness. His eyes raked over me, and seemed to be studying the Faerie book that I clutched somewhat like a defensive weapon in front of me.

Before I had a chance to chastise him for not picking up Lily in the regular pickup line, he said, “I missed you in the car line, yesterday.” I narrowed my eyes at him, not sure what to say. I was trying to avoid you, didn’t seem like the right thing to say in front of Lily.

“Well, we switch jobs a lot around here,” I managed.

“I’m glad I caught you, then,” he said with a smile that looked like it was meant to be sweet. “I’m taking Lily out for ice cream, and I thought you might like to join us.” My mouth hung open for a second, just long enough for Lily to understand what her brother said and start jumping up and down.

“Oh, ice cream! Please, Miss Bella! Please come with us!” she begged, small hands clutching at my arm as she pleaded with those baby blue eyes. I clamped my mouth shut and flat out glared at him. How dare he put me in the position of having to turn her down like that!

I was furious, and at the same time felt trapped. His eyes were dancing as he watched Lily plead, and raised his eyebrows at me. I relented, trying to contain the anger I felt welling up in me. I didn’t want to hurt Lily, in spite of what her brother had done and was doing now.

“Okay,” I said, bending down to talk to her. “I can come get ice cream with you.” I straightened up, looking at him and adding, “Just this once.”

“Yes!” she yelled, jumping around and doing a small fairy dance. James smiled at her exuberance, obviously genuinely delighted in his little sister, and pleased with himself that he had trapped me into this. I was mystified, however—why on earth did he want me to—what?—go with him? Spend time with him? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I asked them to wait a moment while I went back to tell Angela I was leaving with James and Lily and would get a ride home from there. She looked at me like I was insane, and I hastily explained that Lily had begged me to go, and I promised to call her as soon as I got home. She obviously still thought I was crazed, but I wanted to get this over with, so I just said I would explain later.

We drove in James’ ridiculous red car to the Dairy Queen, Lily thankfully chattering away from the back seat, recounting line and verse of our day in camp together. I realized that he was probably getting the full report every day, including the parts where Lily and I had special moments reading and crafting and lunching. James kept looking over at me, trying to make eye contact. I steadfastly examined the road. I didn’t know what his purpose was in this, but mine was only to keep Lily happy.

Ice cream actually sounded good as we escaped the Phoenix heat into the artificially chilly Dairy Queen store. Lily ordered a swirl cone with bubble gum dip, which made me smile because it seemed silly and fit her perfectly. I ordered a small vanilla cone, and James asked for the same. We sat, a stack of napkins between us, and Lily was silent as she dived into her frosty pink treat.

“Bella…” James said, not eating his cone and trying to capture my attention. I was finally forced to look at him, my face carefully neutral. “Bella, I’m really sorry…about what happened before…” he started. My anger flashed again.

“We really don’t need to talk about it…” I said, looking pointedly at Lily, who had worked her way through most of the pink dip and was making a mess of ice cream all over her face. He looked a little abashed, and rightfully so.

“Did you read my note?” he asked.

“Note?” I repeated, perplexed. Then I realized the note in the Faerie book must have been from him—I hadn’t given it any thought before, just assuming that it was a thank-you note from Lily’s mother. “Um, no.”

“Oh,” he said, pausing to think about that. “Well, when you do, I hope that, maybe, we can talk again?” His face was soft, questioning…almost nervous? I was utterly confused and completely taken aback. What did this note say? He continued, “In any event, I want you to know that I am truly sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, Jimmy?” Lily piped up, obviously paying attention now to what we were saying. I restrained a slight smile at her pet name for him. I guessed he was only James to his grown up friends.

He smiled broadly at me now, and then turned to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up in the car line today, like I was supposed to.” Then, looking at me, he added, “I promise I’ll do that from now on.”

“Oh, okay,” said Lily, returning to her ice cream. He held my eyes for a long moment, and I felt like that promise was more…it was a promise to leave me alone, if that was what I wanted. I relaxed a little. Maybe this would turn out alright after all. I smiled at Lily and wiped off the extravagant amount of ice cream smeared on her face.

“Are you going to eat that or wear it?” I asked, and was rewarded with a giggle. She was almost done, and without further grown-up conversation, James drove me home.

“Bye, Miss Bella!” Lily called from the back seat, as I climbed out of the tiny red car.

“See you tomorrow, Lily.”

“Good night, Bella,” said James in that soft voice I remembered from before, the one that I used to think was sweet and kind. I didn’t say anything, gently closing the door of the car and going into my house.

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Chapter: 12

Chapter 12 – Letters

Author’s Note: I know that most of the Naval Basic Training happens at Great Lakes, but I have a friend leaving shortly for Naval Basic Training in Texas, so they must have some kind of training there as well…I’m assuming for the purposes of this story that it’s taking place at the NASCC (Naval Air Station, Corpus Christi), which houses lots of different programs, but follows the same Basic Training that happens at Great Lakes. After that, Edward will be going to the Defense Language Institute in Monterey (.edu/) a real Naval Defense Language Training program that trains the Navy’s linguists. Thanks to my reviewers for helping me keep it real!

Warning: This chapter contains references to underage drinking, and we all know that’s a bad thing, no one should do it, and awful things can happen if you do. Clearly, Bella knows it’s uncool too.

EPOV

Sweaty, exhausted, and aching in joints I didn’t even know I had, I stumbled back to my rack, leaning my head against the empty top bunk. Chief McMillan’s idea of sufficient PT was beginning to feel like it was going to kill me. I briefly wondered where my bunkmate was, thinking he would be in worse shape than me, but I hadn’t seen him since the Chief dressed him down this morning before breakfast.

“Ten minutes to all shower up!” RDC McMillan shouted as he walked down our ship. Recruits were scrambling to the showers and I willed my body to follow them. Rest would come soon, plus the added bonus of nighttime…my Bella time.

I felt slightly more human coming back from the shower. It was mail call, so I would have a few minutes of peace. Lights out would be soon and I was contemplating whether to just lie down now, sure I could sleep with the lights fully on and the noise of a thousand recruits shuffling and shouting, when a recruit I didn’t know walked up to my bunk.

He was tall and lean, looking like he had just weathered the full day of extra PT without breaking a sweat. With a big grin, he extended his hand and said, “Hey! I’m your new bunkmate—name’s Jasper Hale.” He had a distinctly Texas accent and sounded like he had just dropped in from Corpus Christi. I glanced at the neatly made top bunk and realized my first bunkmate had washed out…I never did get his name.

I took his hand, shaking it, saying, “Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you.” He looked at me strangely for a moment, as if he was trying to figure out something that puzzled him. I gave him a quizzical look in return. “You don’t look like a new recruit.” His bright blonde hair was already starting to grow out enough to look slightly messy and his clear blue eyes danced as he grinned again.

“I’m not. You’ve got the best bunk in the place, Cullen, and seeing how your bunkmate is no longer among us, I asked if I could have it.” He said this as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I was stunned. I had yet to see anyone ask for a special favor here without sorely regretting it.

“You what? And why do I have the best bunk?” Either the PT was going to my head and making me groggy, or this boy was making no sense.

Jasper pointed to the ceiling high above my bunk, at a vent directly above us. “See that? That’s air conditioning, son, and you’re right underneath it. Trust me, you’re going to want more of that once we get into August.” His easy grin had returned, and I had to laugh even as I shook my head.

“I don’t understand,” I said, still shaking my head, “How did you get the chief to agree to let you switch bunks?” I couldn’t even picture asking, must less receiving permission to do so.

“Well, see, the chief isn’t in charge of bunk assignments. That would be Petty Officer Reynolds.” His grin grew wider and he leaned his lanky body against the top bunk, making himself at home as he told his tale. “I just explained, real nice like, that I got really hot in the summer time, and it would be just a lot more comfortable if I had something to cool me down.” He gave a look of pure innocence now, and I could just see Petty Officer Reynolds melting under that steamy blue stare.

“You said what??” I choked out. “And that worked??” I was even more amazed, smiling in disbelief. Jasper Hale either had supernatural powers of persuasion, or he was pulling my leg—possibly both.

Jasper gave me a Texas-wide grin, saying “It’s all in the asking, friend.” Then ‘tattoo’ started playing over the com, signaling we had about five minutes to lights out. We both climbed into our racks, not wanted the chief to call us out as he made his rounds. My body felt like it was ascending a fifty story elevator as I sank into the thin cot and my muscles began to relax.

“Hey, Eddie!” called Jasper in a whisper voice, hanging his head over the side of his rack.

I looked askance at him. No one called me Eddie, not even my mom. “Edward,” I said flatly.

“Okay, Edward,” he grinned that infectious smile again. “Just hang in there, man. The worst is over. You’ve got me for a bunkmate, now. You’re life just took a turn for the better!”

I had to laugh as he rolled back up to lay flat in his rack as the chief walked by. I wondered what he meant by that, exactly. Was my gloom that obvious? Or was he just using some of the same charm on me that he used on Petty Officer Reynolds to work his way to a better bunk? Either way, he was right, I was already glad to have him for a bunkmate.

The lights soon went out, and the noise settled, a little. In the dark, illuminated only by the harsh yellow lights from the grounds outside our ship, I finally had time to think about Bella…the feel of her soft brown hair…the way she liked to touch my face. Sleep crept over me quickly tonight, my exhausted body pulling me down into my own personal darkness. I went to sleep with a smile on my face, imagining Bella nestled in my arms as we floated out on a boat somewhere on the darkened waters...

BPOV

I closed the door behind me. The house was empty—Mom and Phil had left a few days ago for Milwaukee, where Phil was playing this week. My head was reeling from my encounter with James, trying to make sense of it. I stumbled into the kitchen and made a bowl of cereal, glad that Mom wasn’t here to chastise me for it.

I stared at my cereal bowl, wondering what the food was like in Basic Training. Better or worse than cereal for dinner? Probably worse. Ever since I had returned from the cruise I had missed Edward, but mostly because I wanted to be with him—touching him, kissing him, talking with him. Now, I wished he was here for a different reason—I wished he could be here to be with me, to hold me, calming my fears and anger. I remembered the soft, loving feeling I had every time he held me…just standing on the deck or sitting at the beach…it was like being enveloped in a cloud of comfort and safety.

Instead, I was here, alone, staring at the Faerie book, wondering what James’ note said and whether I really wanted to read it. I quickly finished my cereal, snagged the note from the book, and brought it to the living room. Settling into the couch, I decided I had better read it before I called Angela, or I would just end up opening it then.

Bella,

You have every right to be mad at me. I was a jerk the last time I saw you, and I’m really sorry for that. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. When I saw you at Lily’s camp, I thought that maybe I could make it up to you. I really have changed since last fall, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to show you. If you’re still angry, and don’t want anything to do with me, I’ll understand. I just wanted to make sure you knew how sorry I was.

I’ll drop by at pickup. If you would like, maybe you could join Lily and I for ice cream after camp?

See you soon,

James

The letter was so sweet, earnest, and almost pleading…the same James that had asked me out for weeks before he talked me into going to Lauren’s party. In the beginning he seemed difficult to refuse—he was undeniably attractive, terribly romantic with his constant attention, and seemed unnaturally interested in going out with me. I couldn’t understand why—he was popular, and I certainly wasn’t in that crowd. I was vaguely aware that he had a lot of girlfriends—I never kept track of the social drama going around Phoenix South High, it just didn’t interest me. I had applications to fill out for college, essays to write, and grades to keep up if I was going to make it into Dartmouth. Finally, I had a weekend open, having sent off the last of my applications for college, and James asked if I would go with him to the party. He made some pathetic excuse about not knowing anyone there, and if I would just come with him, at least he wouldn’t be lonely. Considering he was one of the most popular boys in school, and I knew Lauren thought he was particularly hot, it was laughable…and sweet, and when he looked at me through those long blonde lashes I had a hard time finding a reason not to go. I decided I needed something different to do, to relax after all my hard work. That was where I made my mistake…

…Lauren’s parents were gone for the weekend, some kind of vacation out of town, so she was hosting the big, blowout fall party. I normally didn’t go to parties like this, but James had been so persistent, and so charming, that I decided to give it a try. Mike was flat-out angry at me, saying I shouldn’t get caught at a party like that—there was probably going to be drinking and other things we didn’t get into. I knew he was just jealous, and frankly that was part of why I went. At some point Mike was going to have to figure out that he wasn’t my boyfriend, even if I didn’t have much interest in dating anyone else.

All kinds of kids I didn’t know, mostly the popular ones, mingled and wandered around Lauren’s house carrying drinks that almost certainly were not the legal kind. Someone had cranked up the sound system in the basement, but all that came through was the dull thumping of the bass. James was grinning ear-to-ear and had been ever since he picked me up from my house. It was hard not to like him, when he was so happy to have me with him. He seemed to be parading me around, showing me off to his friends. We walked all over the house, greeting everyone before we finally settled on the couch in the living room. He left me there to go get us drinks, and I watched people looking out of the corners of their eyes at me, like I was something strange and out of place. I was just starting to feel uncomfortable, as if they knew something I didn’t, when James returned with our drinks.

He handed me mine, and I could smell the alcohol in it before tasted it. I took a small sip to be sure, but there was definitely rum in that Coke. I put it down, telling James I didn’t drink. He looked aghast at me…that should have been my first clue. But I was clueless that night. In great gulps, he downed his drink and set his empty cup down next to mine. It was impossible to talk over the noise, so he leaned in close and talked into my ear. “I’m so glad you agreed to come tonight.” I nodded, but was already starting to question it myself. If I had listened to that inner voice, I could have avoided what came later. James seemed agitated, and left to get us another round of drinks. I was hoping he would bring back a normal drink for me, but there was no luck there. When he came back, he downed his drink, and then mine as well. James was quickly getting drunk, and I was really starting to feel like I had made a mistake in coming here. I was just about to ask if we could leave, when he stared at me with a hungry look in his eyes and leaned in to kiss me. He tasted like rum and sour Coke, although his kiss was sweet and tender. He gently stroked my cheek, whispering in my ear, “Bella, I’ve wanted to do that for so long, now.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that. His breath was hot on my ear as he started kissing my neck. I pulled away from him, not really sure how I felt about him. He was very appealing, with his moppy golden hair and brilliant blue eyes, but right now those eyes were clouded and dilated, and had a dark, wild look in them that made me pull back even more. “Bella…” he groaned my name, and then was crushing his lips to mine, pressing me back into the couch, grabbing my body in places he had no business touching. I tried to shout and push him back, but my sounds were lost in the muffle of his mouth on mine and the noise of the party. When he released my mouth, bending to feast his way down my neck, I gasped for air and shrieked “Stop!” He jerked off me as if he had been shocked with electricity. Several people around the room were staring at us, and James’ face was red with rage. He looked for a moment as if he didn’t know what to do, then launched himself off the couch and stalked out of the room. I was shaking, I was so angry and embarrassed. I sat up on the couch trying to straighten my clothes and ignore the amused stares of the other people in the room. When I finally collected my wits, I decided I would go find James and insist he take me home. I followed him out of the living room, into the family room by the front door, looking around to find him. It took a moment before I realized that James and Lauren were on the couch there, bodies and lips entwined…kids all around the room were laughing behind their hands and pointing at the horrified look on my face…I felt sick and stumbled my way out the front door, before collapsing into a heap on the sidewalk. I pulled out my cell phone and called Mike…

I shuddered as I remembered how angry Mike had been, how I could barely keep him from tracking James down and doing heaven knows what. The stares and behind-the-mouth snickering that had occurred at school for weeks afterward, was just further torment for both me and Mike. Needless to say, I never spoke to James again. And now…now, for some unearthly reason, he wanted to say he was sorry? I didn’t understand it—maybe Angela would. I dialed her number as I sat numbly on the couch. She picked up on the first ring.

“Bella, thank God, I’ve been waiting for you to call. Are you all right?” She really sounded worried, and I felt bad for making her anxious.

“I’m fine, Ang, totally fine. James just wanted to…apologize.”

“Well, he’s about nine months too late for that. Seriously, why is he harassing you now?” Angela didn’t usually get this upset. I was feeling even worse for making her worry.

“Angela, he’s not harassing me. He bought me ice cream—he’s trying to make up for what happened last fall.” Here I was defending James, which seemed completely upside down. What in the world?

Angela was silent on the other line for a moment. I waited—I knew she was thinking, and that was why I called her. I needed her calm advice to help me sort this out.

“Bella, I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I have no intention of letting him hurt me, Ang.” I would never let myself get into a situation like the one at the party last fall…ever. She was quiet again for a moment.

“I think maybe he wants you to go out with him. You know you’re the only girl he never, you know, had that he wanted.”

“Oh.” It hadn’t occurred to me that James could still be interested in me in any way. But the way he was acting now—back to the same, sweet James that he had been when I first met him—it made some sense. Angela paid more attention to the social scene and things going on around us at PSH—I was mostly clocking time until I could get out of high school—and sometimes she understood these kinds of things better than I did. “Well, I have no intention of going out with him either.”

I could hear an audible sigh of relief on the other end of the line. Did she really think I would go out with James? When I had met Edward, the impossibly gorgeous man that ruled my heart and virtually all my thoughts? I was surprised she even thought that was a possibility. “Good,” she said. After a moment, she asked, “Are you okay?”

It was my turn to sigh. No, I was not okay, and I didn’t know if I was ever going to be. I had maniacally checked the mail when I got home, even though there was no possibility of a letter there. I was hopelessly in love with Edward, but would probably never see him again, except in my constant daydreams about him. The guy who had ditched and humiliated me last fall was trying to date me. The only decent guy in my life was Mike, who also wanted to be my boyfriend—which was more awful the more I thought about it, especially considering he would be going with me to Dartmouth in the fall. I was definitely not okay.

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just tired. I’m going to get some sleep.” Perhaps the oblivion of sleep would help sort things out. Life had to look better in the morning, right?

“Okay,” she said, not sounding convinced. “See you tomorrow.” I could tell she was still worried about me, but there wasn’t much she could do. I would see her tomorrow, and maybe I would be better then…maybe. I slowly trudged up the stairs, washed up and climbed into short-sleeved pajamas. There wasn’t much relief from the relentless Phoenix summer heat, even at night. I opened the window to try to at least get some movement of air through the room, and lay down on top of my covers on the bed.

That night I had another dream about Edward.

I was wandering the cobblestone streets of Italy. The streets were shiny, the bright Mediterranean sun reflecting off the polished stones, and were filled with people going about their daily business. I was searching for a clock…I knew I had to get to the clock and I had to be there at exactly the right time—but I didn’t know the time or where the clock was, so I just kept looking and looking through the streets. As I came out into a courtyard, nestled between opposing sides of ancient stone buildings, I saw it—a large clock tower, and the time was almost noon. Below it, standing on the steps, was Edward. He was waiting for me…I ran across the courtyard, and he finally saw me as I got closer, reaching his arms wide to welcome me. I literally leapt into his arms and felt them circle around me, holding me tight. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time, so long that he had changed—his face was more angular, more somber somehow—but it felt as if we had never been apart. When he bent down to kiss me, I laced my fingers through his auburn hair and it felt like that last, passionate kiss we had shared, only now there was no sadness, no pain, only joy and the light-headed feeling that comes when too much emotion crowds through your brain at once. I was so happy to see him, so glad to see the smile that lit up his face as I looked at him, that I almost forgot. There was something I needed to do…something I needed to tell him…and I had to do it before the clock struck twelve. The massive gong of the clock started to sound, and I searched my mind as I was captured by his emerald eyes…what did I need to tell him? The sound reverberated off the stone streets, reflecting back a hundred echoes, and still I couldn’t remember. As the final gong sounded, it came to me. “I love you, Edward,” I said and a smile broke out on his face…

I awoke to the rising heat flowing in the window and the sun crawling across my bed. The dream lingered in me, leaving a feeling that was sweet and urgent—I felt like I had remembered something important, something that I needed to do. I grabbed a sheet of stationery and started writing. I didn’t want to think too much about what I was doing—I just wanted to do it, before I lost that warm feeling from the dream or had time to think it through. I stuffed the letter in an envelope and addressed it to Edward. I stared at it, hand trembling slightly, and practically ran to put it in the mailbox before I could change my mind.

My heart felt light the entire day, and I couldn’t entirely explain it. Perhaps it was because of the dream, or the letter that I wrote…perhaps it was the way that Lily held my hand on the way to lunch and I realized that in just a few short days I had become very attached to this adorable and adoring little girl…perhaps it was James’ note last night, saying he was sorry for the pain he put me through last fall, and I felt I could finally put that chapter behind me. Angela noticed but didn’t ask, happy just to see me in a better mood, and back to her reserved self once again. She suggested that we go out tomorrow, Friday, for dinner with her friends again. It seemed like a good idea, and she brightened when I said yes, but then seemed disturbed when I asked her if she could get me back on pickup duty again.

“Why?” she asked suspiciously.

“Because I want a chance to talk to James again,” I explained. I needed to finish that last piece of business, so I could be done with it.

“Why?” she demanded again quietly, eyebrows arched in concern. We were putting away the supplies from the last project, while the kids had free time. Most of them had wandered over to the growing collection of poetry books I had brought in, carefully leafing through the pages and examining the pictures of fantasy creatures and mythical beasts.

“I just want to tell him I accept his apology. It’s okay, Angela, nothing bad is going to happen.” I wasn’t sure why she was so concerned—it was as if she thought I would secretly agree to go out with him. Although, I guess I did give her cause for concern yesterday. I added, “I promise I won’t go out for ice cream with him again, okay?” I tried to smile, to put her at ease. It didn’t work. She just shook her head at me.

I didn’t get put back on pickup duty until Friday, the last day of camp. I was going to miss Lily—I knew she was coming back to camp next week, but she would be in Junior Chefs and Angela and I would still be teaching Fairies and Fairytales to another round of campers. Lily and I agreed that maybe we would find each other at lunchtime, so she could share her teddy grahams with me, which made me smile.

I was waiting for James, clipboard in hand, when he pulled up in his red sports car with the top down. He looked like a prep student headed for some rich college, with his casually elegant clothes and expensive car. It occurred to me that I didn’t know where, or even if, he was going to college—not that it mattered to me. When he saw me in line, he grinned, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head to see me better.

“Hi, Bella,” he said, eyes expectant. I wanted to squash that expectation right away.

“Hi, James. Listen, I read your note and I accept your apology. I appreciate that you, you know, took time to write it, and I’m glad we can move past that now.” Somehow that didn’t quite come out the way that I meant it, because his grin grew wider and he obviously thought I meant something else by what I said.

“Good. Great! I really am sorry, and I want to make it up to you,” he started eagerly. I tried to stop him, but he just kept going. “Look, maybe we could go grab some dinner tonight? I mean, later, not right now, I have to take Lily home.” He was talking quickly, thinking faster, and obviously not seeing my look of distress.

“James!” I stopped him, and he finally saw the look on my face, bringing him up short. “I’m not going to go out with you. I just wanted to let you know that…that I accept your apology. Okay?” I was trying to be as clear as I could.

“Oh,” he said, finally registering what I was saying. His eyes clouded over, and he seemed to be thinking furiously. I took that moment to call ‘Lily Cooper—Fairies and Fairytales’ into my walkie-talkie. The sooner this was over, the better. “I, um…” he was speaking slowly now, cautiously. “I didn’t mean that we would go out on a date. I meant, you know, just as friends, maybe have a chance to talk.” He looked hopefully at me.

“I already have plans with friends tonight,” I said, thinking briefly about what a disaster it would be if James showed up for pizza with Angela, her friends and Mike. Lily had arrived and was climbing into the car. I glanced in the back seat, checking to see that she was buckled. She waved at me from the back seat.

“Bye, Miss Bella! See you next week!” She was waving her magic wand around, the one we had made in camp today.

“See you soon, Lily,” I answered, ignoring James. He had a smile back on his face. I wasn’t sure why.

“Another time, then. See you later, Bella,” he said as he pulled away, leaving me to wonder how I had left open the possibility that there would be another time.

EPOV

The weekend days were no different from the weekdays in boot camp, but when Monday of Week Two arrived, it still felt like a triumph. I hadn’t washed out, and in spite of my aching muscles, I felt like I was going to make it through. Having Jasper as a bunkmate was making life better, too, or at least more entertaining. His tendency to play jokes and, maddeningly, get away with them, broke the monotony. He was easy to be around, and to talk with.

My hair had started to grow a little, but I was convinced that Jasper had somehow talked the barber into leaving his hair a little longer than the rest of us—either that, or his hair grew unusually fast. Hair length was status, and I still looked like a fresh cut new arrival, whereas he was sporting a mass of golden locks that seemed to get longer by the day. We received our regular uniforms this morning, so at least we no longer stood out in our smurfs. We also got measured for our dress uniforms—Jasper made a great show of modeling his until the chief showed up. Jasper had an uncanny ability to straighten up just before his antics got noticed, having some kind of sixth sense for staying out of trouble.

The classroom training stepped up a little, and it was getting easier not to fall asleep. Of course the PT, drills and generally getting yelled at continued. We were training for the Confidence Course now, and Chief McMillan was describing what we could expect. It was a team event, complete with oxygen masks for fire-fighting, climbing through portholes with our sea bags, and tossing life rings. That, of course, made me think of Bella. How was it that the smallest things kept bringing my thoughts back to her? I wondered if she was still wearing the lifesaver ring I had given her, and I pictured her touching it like the last time that I saw her. A feeling of satisfaction mixed with sorrow went through me with that mental picture, and I realized I’d just missed the second half of Chief McMillan’s explanation. I was probably going to regret that. Jasper was on my team, hopefully he would fill me in. He stood next to me, eyes attentive on the chief, seeming to scan his face for something…extra clues? I wasn’t sure. Jasper seemed to be always looking at people as if he was trying to figure them out. He certainly had an understanding of them that was beyond me.

I had discovered early on that Jasper was also going to the Institute to study languages. I had a suspicion that he knew this before he sought out my top bunk as his new home. He seemed well informed on everything that went on in our ship. He apparently had already mastered Japanese, which struck me as strange for a Texas boy, but there was a lot more to Jasper, it seemed, than there appeared on the surface.

He was looking at me sideways now, noticing my reverie, and giving me a quick quirky smile that I was sure no one else noticed. As the chief looked our way, he was the picture of the attentive recruit, whereas I was left looking dazed.

“Am I boring you, recruit?” snapped Chief McMillan.

“No, Chief!” I shouted, hoping I was loud enough. Jasper was biting back a laugh, which made me want to hit him.

“What’s your name, recruit?” asked the Chief softly. Damn! I was in for it now.

“Seaman Recruit Cullen, Chief!” I yelled, eyes locked on the Chief.

“Seaman Recruit Cullen, can you tell me the name of the standard equipment you will be using for shipboard fire-fighting?” the Chief asked, louder so that all the recruits in our division could hear. I was doomed.

“No, Chief!” I shouted again. As I dropped to do my fifty push-ups, I could swear I heard Jasper laugh. He was going to regret sleeping in the bunk above me tonight.

Soon after, we marched through the damp heat to the galley for lunch. We had exactly ten minutes to eat once the last recruit in our division was seated, but Jasper and I happened to be at the front of the ranks today, so we had a little more time. I was concentrating on my food, arms still aching from the extra PT, thanks to Jasper. Jasper was watching me eat, getting on my nerves.

“What were you thinking about, back at the ship?” he asked, eyes alight in curiosity.

“Wondering why I’m getting in trouble, when you’re the one acting up?” I complained between bites of mystery sandwich. His eyes were dancing now.

“Well, I can’t help you there, Edward, but I aim to figure out what’s got you all tied up in knots.” He said it softly, so even the recruits sitting next to us, hastily downing their chow, probably didn’t hear him.

“I’m fine,” I said, flatly, not the least bit interested in sharing my thoughts with him. I was starting to wonder if he could read my mind, and everyone else’s, anyway.

“Sure, sure you are. Especially if you like pushups,” he was biting back a laugh again, teasing me. I narrowed my eyes at him, refusing to take the bait. I was only slightly annoyed. Somehow Jasper’s teasing always had a hint of real caring in it that made it hard to get angry at him. Still, not impossible. Lunch was soon over and it was on to classroom duty with Petty Officer Reynolds. Knowing she was susceptible to Jasper’s charms was just another reminder of how Jasper seemed to get away with things no other recruit could. I sighed, trying to keep my focus off her Bella-like mane of hair, and concentrated on Naval Customs and Courtesies, our lesson for the day.

Later that night, after several kicks to Jasper’s top bunk, just to make sure he knew I didn’t forget those fifty extra pushups, I settled in for my nightly Bella musings. I wondered what she was doing now. She must have started helping her friend Angela as camp counselor. In my mind, I could see her laughing with her friend, relaxing after a day of working at the camp. I wondered if she thought about me—I was a world away, it seemed, in the alternate reality that was boot camp. I imagined she would be carrying on with her life, as she should be, forgetting about me and getting ready for Dartmouth in the fall. This gave me a pain in my chest that I tried to ignore. I certainly hadn’t forgotten about her, but I was trying to be realistic. She had a life to live, and it wasn’t likely to include me. The sooner she forgot about me, the easier it would be for her. Still, I couldn’t help wishing that she wouldn’t, at least for a while…I briefly thought about what she would think if I called her. I had another phone privilege coming up at the end of the week, but I quickly pushed that thought aside. It was hard enough to say goodbye—so hard I couldn’t even say it properly. It was probably better, would hurt less, if I left her alone, rather than remind her that I was out here, still thinking about her every night…and day. I sighed, and I could hear Jasper shifting around in the bunk above me. Better to let the darkness of the night take my mind to a place where Bella and I could actually be together…since that place wasn’t here and wasn’t now, and probably never would be.

Dearest Readers,

I promise not to torture you endlessly…and I promise to get the next chapter out soon! Reviews make me want to write faster, so please let me know what you think of Bella and Edward…and Jasper…and don’t hate James TOO much…

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Chapter: 13

Chapter 13 – Dreams

Dearest Readers,

Thanks for the awesome reviews! I have been trying to get these chapters out quickly because I knew it would be too hard to wait too long for them. I’ve had the first part of this chapter in my head for a long time, so I loved finally being able to write it. I hope you enjoy it too!

EPOV

Tuesday was even better than Monday, with my muscles seeming to repair themselves overnight. The day had passed with the same routine, quickly becoming entrenched in my head…PT, drills, classroom duty, quick trip to the galley…I was excused from the second round of drills today to join the 900 Division for band practice, breaking up the monotony somewhat. Usually practice time had to come out of the evening, but tonight we were starting Night Study to get ready for our written exams at the end of the week. I was fairly sure I had it covered the first time Petty Officer Reynolds drummed Naval Chain of Command into our PT fogged brains, but then again I really didn’t want to fail the test. I joined Jasper in the study hall, and he seemed as unimpressed as I was with the idea of further studying—and I had quickly realized that a bored Jasper was a dangerous Jasper.

“Whatever you’re planning, Jasper, you are on your own,” I whispered across the table to him. He gave me a wide-eyed innocent look that said, Whatever can you mean, Seaman Recruit Cullen? I just about lost it and laughed out loud in study hall, which would easily have cost me a hundred pushups. I glared at him through my barely suppressed smirk. Most of the other recruits barely looked up from their books, intent on using the time wisely. Whatever Jasper had planned, however, failed to materialize before we left.

After our evening PT, and showers, we finally had a few minutes to ourselves, back at the ship. Recruits were milling around, talking or lying exhausted on their bunks. I was about ready to grill Jasper to let me in on his nefarious plans, just so I was prepared when they went down, when I heard someone call my name.

“Seaman Recruit Cullen, mail call!” Recruit Petty Officer Simpson was handling mail call today. I was surprised when a small brown package came sailing over the racks. I barely caught it before it smacked me in the head. It was a small package wrapped in brown paper, not much bigger than an envelope with what looked like Alice’s handwriting on it. Jasper was checking it out, eyebrows arched and obviously curious. I couldn’t imagine what Alice was sending me, but it couldn’t be anything too serious, so I let Jasper watch as I unwrapped the package. Out fell two smaller envelopes, a small note, and a picture that fell face down on my bunk. I picked up the picture and turned it over—it was the picture Alice had taken of Bella and I, coming dressed to dinner on the cruise. My heart leapt up in my throat seeing her, chocolate brown eyes shining out at me from the picture, dark curls falling over that incredible green dress. My memories were a dim echo of the real Bella, and just looking at her again was making my head reel. I sat down heavily on the bed, staring at the picture in my hand, flashing back to that night we had come together to dinner, as a couple…

“Is that Bella?” Jasper asked, interrupting my thoughts and peering down at the picture I had clutched in my hand. I turned slowly and stared up at him in disbelief, all but convinced he could read my mind. I was certain I had never mentioned Bella to him, or anyone else at boot camp. He smiled kindly at me, resting a hand lightly on my shoulder for a moment. “You talk about her all the time…at night,” he said softly. Without another word, he hoisted himself up on his top bunk, giving me privacy to read my mail. I was chagrined, once again, that I had been talking in my sleep—that was supposed to be my private time with her. Looking back at the picture, I remembered the note and the letters.

The note was from Alice. It said that she had received these two letters for me from Bella, and was forwarding them on. She would have forwarded them sooner, but she just gotten back from Europe on Saturday, and they had been waiting when she arrived. Two letters…from Bella. I just stared at the envelopes for a moment. They were cream colored, some kind of stationery that seemed just like her…simple, beautiful, unassuming. I picked them up, turned them over, and realized that I had no idea what her handwriting looked like. It was pretty, but slightly messy, as if it was written in a hurry. One was postmarked before the other, so I decided to open the one sent first.

It was short, and I read it through quickly…and then read it again, and once more. It was as if I was thirsty for it and couldn’t get enough, knowing that she had written it just for me. It didn’t say much, although she managed to call herself foolish, which somehow seemed typical, and there was one part I particularly liked (I would love to hear…). Realizing I didn’t have much time until lights out, I forced myself to put down that first letter and quickly tore open the second one. This one was much longer, and I don’t think I breathed the entire first time that I read it.

Dear Edward,

I had a dream about you last night.

I was wandering the streets of Italy, looking for a clock. It was beautiful, just as I had imagined it, but I couldn’t stop to admire the beauty because I needed to find the clock at just the right time. When I found it, it was in the middle of a cobblestone courtyard, and you were standing under it, waiting for me. I ran up to you and you held me and kissed me. I was so happy to see you. It was as if we had never been apart. The clock started to chime. It was noon and there was something that I had forgotten to tell you. When I told you, you smiled. That was when I woke up.

Maybe, someday, at just the right time, and just the right place, we’ll meet again?

I love you.

Bella

I gasped, sucking in air to my straining lungs. I felt an incredible rush, like I had fallen over that abyss that I had teetered on, backed away from, and thought I had avoided completely. I love you. Bella.

“You okay?” Jasper called softly, head hanging over the edge of his bunk. I had forgotten he was there. I had forgotten where I was completely.

“Um, yeah. Thanks,” I replied, sure I sounded like I was in a daze. I read the letter again, and then again, pouring over the words and memorizing each sentence so that I could hold it in my mind once the lights were out. Each time I read the line…the one where she said she loved me…my heart did the strangest quiver and I was sure that the shaking was going to start taking over my entire body.

Suddenly, the lights went out. I hadn’t heard the announcement over the com, so it took me completely by surprise. The light coming in from the courtyard wasn’t enough to read by, so I carefully folded the letters up, put them back in their envelopes, and tucked them into my pillowcase for safe keeping. I moved slowly, in a haze of feeling. A strange buzzing sensation was running through my body. I laid down on the top of my blankets, not bothering to climb under them. The letters made a crinkling sound as I put my head on the pillow.

“Jasper,” I said, softly.

“Yes?” he responded quickly, as if he was waiting for me.

“I need some paper.”

“Of course,” he replied softly. “You’ll be writing a letter. I know just what you need, and right where to get it.”

“Thanks,” I said, so softly I wasn’t sure if he heard me, but I was lost in my thoughts again. She was thinking about me…she was dreaming about me. I loved it so much I had to turn over on my side with the aching of it. My heart felt lifted, as if all my thoughts before about her moving on with her life were ancient history, forgotten in an instant. She hadn’t moved on, hadn’t forgotten…it was as if I had been thrown a lifeline, as if I was the one who had been drowning in a pool of inevitabilities, and she had just rescued me from it. It made no sense for us to be together—no path that I could see would bring us back together—and I didn’t care at all. She loved me. The thought of it completely captured my mind. I thought about the last time that I saw her, holding and kissing her on the pier, and I wondered if she felt that way then. I could still feel the force of our last kiss on my lips, and I knew. It was undeniable, and painfully obvious, really. I was completely, hopelessly and irretrievably in love with Bella Swan.

The power of that thought was like a tidal wave, irresistible and all consuming. It was more than my brain could handle and I could feel myself shutting down. Sleep came over me quickly, drunk as I was with the thought of loving Bella. As I sank into the darkness, I wondered if I would talk about her, if Jasper would hear…I didn’t care.

…Bella was beautiful. She was always beautiful, but somehow the wispy white sundress that she wore, blowing in the breeze that was whipping around the giant boulders strewn on the beach and making the dress wrap around her bare legs, made her lovely in an innocent and playful way that completely captured my heart. I loved her. I loved her so completely that it seemed strange that there could ever have been a time that I didn’t love her, didn’t know her, didn’t have her with me. She was laughing and running, bare toes in the sand, and holding some kind of book that she was bringing to me. I caught her up in my arms and kissed her for a long time, not really wanting to break the hold that I had on her. She playfully beat me back, pulling away slightly and insisting that I take the book. It was a manual on Navy regulations, and about two inches of misery in binding. She was telling me that I needed to study, needed to pass my test, so that we could be together. I took the book, curving the arm holding it around behind my back and pulling her back to me for another kiss with the other hand. She was laughing as she kissed me…

The morning reveille shrieked its call to rise, breaking into my dream about Bella. I jumped out of bed and hastily made it, remembering to retrieve the letters and picture from my pillowcase before rolling it up. I hurried to put the letters in my locker, carefully placing them on the top shelf, next to the shell tucked into the back corner. I pinned the picture of Bella and I to the inside of the locker door, and stared at it for a moment before I had to rush back to my rack. I got there just before Chief McMillan passed by, ordering us to make our racks. I was proud of my Jasper-like ability to stay just barely out of trouble.

“Good news, I take it?” Jasper said, quietly observing my good mood from the corner of his eye, but appearing to stand ready for orders after making his rack.

“Um, yeah,” I answered, still struggling to get mine done in time.

“I’ve got you covered for supplies, but it’ll take me till tonight,” he added, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Thanks,” I said, stopping to take time to look him fully in the face. He smiled broadly at me now, a glint in his eye. I appreciated that Jasper understood, without explanation, that I needed something a little, well, nicer than Navy-issue lined notebook paper for the letter to Bella that I had been composing in my head all night. I had a feeling he would enjoy the challenge, regardless, and it was probably best if we had a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ kind of arrangement as to where he got it from.

Outside, a typical Texas heat wave scorched the grounds and baked the buildings. Inside, my day was a blur—the idea of loving Bella, and the words from her letter, kept ringing through my mind—I felt like I was floating through most of the day. I had never felt like this about someone before…in fact, I had never come close. I was in some completely uncharted territory, without a map, a compass or anything to guide me. There had been a few girls I had dated, some I had even cared about more than just friends, and several that were very appealing, but this was so very different. It was an overwhelming feeling that eradicated everything in its way, leaving only the connection between us. Amazingly, it didn’t even depend on us being together, or trivialities like how or when we might see each other again. It just was.

I think I must have spent the entire night dreaming about Bella, because images of her that weren’t memories kept creeping into my thoughts when I should have been paying attention to drills or my RDC. I paid particular attention to Petty Officer Reynolds, however. I was determined to get caught up on my rules and regs so that I would have time tonight for writing. I managed to get through the day, and was eagerly awaiting Jasper’s arrival at study hall. I had my books out, but was surreptitiously reading Bella’s letters, which I had retrieved from my locker. Jasper arrived just before they closed the doors for night study.

As he sat down across from me, he handed me a stack of thick, white paper and several plain envelopes. I could see the paper had a very pale watermark of the official Navy seal printed across it—it looked like it had come from the commander’s office. I looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yer welcome,” Jasper said with a grin.

I gaped at him and couldn’t resist asking, “How?” I had slipped the pages, like the contraband they were, into my book to hide them.

“Simple. I just told them the truth. I had a sorry recruit for a bunkmate that needed to make up, in a bad way, for something he did to his girlfriend, and the only way to do it was to write a really, really romantic love letter to get back in her graces again.” He smiled that bigger than Texas grin again, confident of his assessment of my situation. I smiled back, only slightly tempted to correct him about my circumstances.

“And that’s all it took?” I asked, still incredulous.

“That, a little sunshine smile, and the fact that I’ve known the Chief Petty Officer in charge at the Commander’s office since she was knee high to a grasshopper.”

“She?” I asked, wicked smile on my face.

“Hmmm…that too,” he smiled again, with absolutely no trace of guilt. I seriously wondered if there was a woman who hadn’t fallen for Jasper’s charms.

I laughed quietly, then turned serious and said, “Thanks,” finally remembering my manners.

“Well, son, get writing! You don’t have much time to get that done, if you want to get it out at mail call tonight.” He opened up his books and pretended to start studying, but I knew he would be watching me the whole study hall. I did need to start, though. It wasn’t going to be easy to put what I wanted to say into words. In a way, Jasper was right. I needed to make up for some things, set a few things right, and if I was lucky—very lucky—stay in Bella’s good graces. As I started writing, the words seemed to flow a little easier, and I could almost picture her opening the letter, holding it in her hands, my words on her lips and hopefully working their way to her heart.

BPOV

Dinner with the other camp counselors on Friday had gone well, and I think Angela forgave me for talking to James when I explained how it went. The weekend was quiet, especially with Mom and Phil still out of town. Apparently, they would be gone most of the summer, traveling to different cities, even if they didn’t move to Florida before the fall. The endless Phoenix heat droned on, and I spent most of the weekend inside in the air-conditioned retreat of the house. I didn’t mind being alone, in general, but somehow alone was a lot more lonely when I had thoughts filled with Edward, or more precisely, the lack of Edward in my life.

Mike had called and wanted to go out to dinner on Saturday, which I made some pathetic excuse for declining. No matter how much I avoided spending time alone with Mike, he never seemed to get the idea that we weren’t…together. Angela offered to have another movie marathon on Sunday, but I declined that too. She seemed worried about me, and maybe she was right. Maybe I was just trudging through life and I needed to get a grip and do something, even if Edward wasn’t around to share it with me. Every day, I still checked the mailbox, but nothing came. I had sent my first letter a week ago, more than enough time for him to write me back…if he wanted to. The small clutch in my heart spoke to that fear that I had, that maybe he really didn’t want to. I kept layering excuses in my head as to why there were no letters arriving, but reality was trying to sink in. It didn’t make much sense that he would write, not really. He had moved on to his life in the Navy, starting with his Basic Training, which would probably occupy his complete attention for weeks on end. And then he was off to Monterey. There was no possibility for a future, so why would he want to keep in contact now? So we could be long-distance friends? That almost seemed worse than not keeping in touch—having the constant reminder of what we couldn’t have. I sighed.

I was glad today was Monday—I needed something to keep my mind off this repetitive brooding. It was just not good…no, it was unhealthy. I needed some kind of distraction. I was pleasantly surprised to find I had missed the kids over the weekend. Of course, Lily in particular, and I was looking forward to finding her at lunch today. But the others as well…Samantha, Caroline, Katherine, Michael…I could still remember their names and picture their faces. I knew I would have a whole new batch to get to know today, and I already felt like a veteran with one solid week of camp experience under my belt. I laughed a little at myself as I pulled up in my beater truck to pick up Angela. She was waiting outside in the already sweltering summer morning.

“Hey!” she said as she climbed up into my truck. “How was your weekend?”

“Grand,” I lied, not wanting to worry her. I failed, probably exaggerating too much, because she immediately frowned.

“What happened?” she asked, brows creased and looking unhappy.

“Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. I didn’t do a thing the whole weekend, just hung around the house.”

“Oh,” she said, pondering something. “Seriously, Bella, we need to get you out more.”

“I’m fine.” She seemed to consider this for a moment as we drove along the suburban streets on the way to the YMCA.

“Why don’t we go to Mike’s game tonight?” she suggested. Mike coached a boy’s baseball team in the spring and summer and had for years. He was good with the kids and, if I remembered correctly, he was coaching a sixth grade team this year. Baseball, popcorn, and an evening in the stands cheering on some scrappy future stars and one of my best friends seemed like more fun than anything else I could have planned. And Angela would stop worrying about me.

I smiled. “Sounds great.” She returned my smile and I decided the day was looking up after all.

Feeling like a pro, I sailed through the first day with the new campers. I managed to find Lily at lunch, with her blonde hair up in pigtails due to the heat, and her smile still infectious. I purposely left my lunch behind, so I could share some of hers, and you would think I had given her a new puppy with how happy she looked as she shared her crackers with me. That little girl had definitely won me over as well. Unfortunately, she had a white carnation for me, courtesy of James. I obviously needed to still straighten him out about the status of things, so I gave her a note to give him, stating in no uncertain terms that he was not to use Lily as a vehicle for whatever his plans were. If he wanted to talk to me, he knew where to find me.

Mike’s game was in the evening, so I had time to go home, check the mail and have dinner. The mailbox was empty and so was the fridge. I supposed I would have to actually buy groceries at some point if I was going to spend the summer on my own. I checked in with my mom, and she was worried about me being alone so much. I was starting to get annoyed with everyone worrying about me all the time. It was time to buck up and not mope quite as much, so I wouldn’t make everyone so concerned. I was glad that Angela had suggested going to Mike’s game tonight…it was just like old times—the three of us, hanging out, and being there for each other. After I downed another bowl of cereal for dinner, I hopped back in the truck to pick up Angela on the way.

The sun was still blazing when the game started at six o’clock, but it was lower in the sky, not as intense as it had been during the day. Angela and I wandered over to the refreshment stand to get popcorn and Cokes before going to find Mike. We spotted him near the benches, looking over a clipboard while his kids were warming up, blonde spiky hair mostly covered by his baseball cap. He was surprised to see us, a broad smile spreading over his face when he saw me, making my heart sink a little.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming,” he said, looking quickly back and forth between us, but eyes mostly on me. I noticed the way he looked at me, more and more these days, as if he wanted to hold me instead of just standing and looking me over like he was now.

“Do you mind?” I asked, knowing the answer already, but it seemed polite to ask.

“No, no!” he responded a little too eagerly, which was part of the problem with Mike. He was just a little too enthusiastic. It made him a fantastic friend, and I loved him that way…I just knew he could never be more than that for me. We had practically grown up together, and I could still picture him as that straggly little boy who played on the playground with me. “I’m glad you’re here,” he was saying, looking at me, eyes shining with excitement.

“Well, we’ll be up in the bleachers, cheering you on,” said Angela, thankfully pulling me away from Mike’s obvious stare.

“See you after the game!” Mike called after us, and then went reluctantly back to his clipboard and started walking over to get his players ready for the game.

We found a spot high on the risers so we could get a good view of the field. The metal seats were hot, but tolerable. Mike was lining the kids up in batting order and talking to them about something. He seemed taller, more muscular, from a distance…or maybe it was the uniform. The kids looked up to him—and not just because he loomed over their 6th grade bodies—some of those kids were almost as tall as I was. I could tell they looked at him with respect, an eagerness of their own for the game and to please their coach. He looked different through their eyes…all grown up. I wondered if I hadn’t been stuck in a rut in the way I thought about Mike all this time.

Angela was reaching over to steal some of my popcorn. It was really our popcorn, but I hadn’t had much lunch, or dinner, so I was making a meal of it. “You need to tell him, you know,” she stated, looking sideways at me as I stared at Mike.

“Tell him what?” I asked, distracted by my thoughts.

“About Edward,” she replied. I sighed. That was one conversation I really didn’t want to have, even though I knew she was right. Eventually, I would have to tell him. I just didn’t want to do it now. I didn’t even know where things stood with Edward—how would I explain it to Mike?

“What would I tell him? Hey, Mike, I met this guy and fell in love with him, so sorry I’m not going to go out with you? That’s just cruel.” I was being difficult about this, and it wasn’t Angela’s fault—I shouldn’t be taking my guilt out on her.

“You love Edward, right?” she pressed.

“Yes.” That was the one thing I was sure of, although it seemed a particularly vicious twist of fate that I would fall in love, so quickly and so completely, with the one man that I couldn’t have. I wondered for a moment if I had some kind of psychological problem, only wanting men that I couldn’t have. If so, this was the first time. I hadn’t really wanted anyone before, certainly not in the heartbreakingly intense way that I wanted Edward.

“So, don’t you think it’s only fair to tell Mike that?” Angela was my best friend, but she was also best friends with Mike. It was like that, the three of us, and always had been. I knew she would be hurting for Mike as much as I was. So, of course, she was right—as usual. I had to tell him. I just didn’t know if I could stand the thought…of losing him as a friend. He had been my friend forever—there had never been a time, that I could remember, when Mike hadn’t been a part of my life. My mom had these crazy pictures of us holding hands when we were three—we went that far back.

“What if he hates me, Angela? Really, I’m not sure I could take that right now.” My heart was aching enough from being left behind on the pier, and that empty mailbox was starting to be my ritual torture each day. I didn’t want to lose one of my best friends on top of that.

“He’s not going to hate you, Bella….he’s Mike. He’ll always love you, even if he can’t, well, be with you the way he wants.” She sounded so sure, but I wasn’t at all. I had seen the looks Mike had been giving me. He was not going to take this well. I really didn’t want to hurt him—that was part of why I had been such a coward all this time.

“I don’t know, Ang…” I was seriously looking for a way out of this, but I couldn’t find it.

Angela looked sternly at me, saying something that shocked me so badly I nearly dropped my popcorn. “Bella Swan, you’ll tell him or I will.” There was a fierce determination, and protectiveness, on her face. I knew I would have to cave. I couldn’t lose both of them.

“Okay, okay, I will. Just, give me a little time, you know, to do it right.” God, I so didn’t want to do this. Angela wasn’t entirely convinced, but she had at least extracted the promise from me, and she knew I wouldn’t go back on that.

The game wore on as the sun set and the park lights came on. It was nine o’clock before they were done. We wandered down to the field as Mike gave the kids their high-fives and released them to their parents. He really did a nice job with them, and they obviously adored him—even the parents liked him and stayed behind to compliment him on the game, which they had won. Sports never really interested me, with my terminal clumsiness, but I could at least keep score. He was all smiles when he finally turned to us.

“Thanks for sticking it out till the end,” he said with a grin, looking at me again with those baby blue eyes that I had such a hard time disappointing.

“Nice game, Mike! Hey, I’m going to go get a drink, you want one?” Angela said, starting to walk to the concession stand, and giving me a pointed look. I rolled my eyes at her obvious attempt to give me time to talk to Mike.

“Uh, no thanks, I’m good,” Mike called back, giving me a look that said, What’s with Angela? How could he be so observant sometimes and completely clueless others? I just shrugged.

“You really were great with the kids, Mike. I could tell they look up to you,” I started. He practically glowed under my praise, making me feel even more like a heel for where this had to go.

“Thanks! Say, how about having dinner this Friday? I know you were busy last Saturday—you aren’t already booked up for Friday are you?” He looked at me hopefully.

I breathed a sigh of relief—a reprieve until Friday. “No, that sounds good. We, um, need to talk,” I said nodding my head, trying to hint around that this wasn’t really going to be a date.

He frowned at that. “Is something wrong? Is James harassing you again?” I could see the anger welling up in him, so I needed to stop that immediately.

“No, no, James is fine.”

“Bella, please, let me just go pound on him—just one time. It’ll make me feel better. I’ll take Jacob with me, for backup, if that’ll make you feel better.” He was mock pleading with me now, but I knew he would follow through in a second if I let him. Jacob was our 6’ 2” muscle-bound friend that was up for a fight most any time, so bringing Jacob was code for bringing the SWAT team for backup.

“Mike, stop, please! He’s apologized, I’ve told him I’m not interested in him, it’s over. Just leave it alone,” I said. He seemed relieved and it occurred to me that he was concerned that I might go out with James again, just as Angela had been—only Mike was jealous on top of it.

“Good. That guy is such a creep, Bella, and he’s no good for you. He just uses people, and doesn’t care for you like…” Mike stopped, on the verge of saying something he clearly hadn’t intended to, “…like your friends do,” he finished smoothly.

Angela had arrived back with her superfluous drink.

“I know, Mike,” I said. “Well, it’s late, we should get going. I’ll see you on Friday?” I added for Angela’s benefit.

“Great! See you then!” he replied, the brilliant smile returning. Angela gave me an inquiring look on the way back to the car, but I didn’t feel like explaining right then. I was picturing in my mind that smile that I loved turning into anger, possibly fury, and my stomach tied up in a knot that just kept getting tighter and tighter.

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Chapter: 14

Chapter 14 – Confessions

BPOV

The next day at camp was wonderfully distracting. The kids were great, I was at ease with teaching, and I brought mini-Oreos to lunch to share with Lily, which earned me Best Teacher status in her adoring mind. It was a good thing, because the anxiety about Mike and the lonely ache for Edward were starting to eat away at my mental health.

I decided to grocery shop on the way home, after dropping off Angela. She had agreed to let me wait until Friday to talk to Mike about Edward, satisfied that I would carry through on my promise. I was starting to wish I had just gotten it over with, so I didn’t have all week to worry about it.

I arrived home with two armloads full of groceries in plastic bags, which should be plenty to get me through the week, possibly the month, when I noticed the mailbox was stuffed with the usual assortment of junk mail. I dropped the groceries off inside, dumping them on the kitchen table, before returning to retrieve the mail. I leafed through the various ads, bills I would have to pay for Mom, and other junk mail, when I saw it. My heart stuttered when I realized the handwritten envelope had a postmark from Forks, Washington. The handwriting seemed a little, well, feminine and when I turned it over and saw the return address, I realized it was from Alice.

I breathed out heavily, not realizing I had been holding my breath. I wasn’t disappointed to get a letter from Alice. I was glad, in fact—I just, well, had been hoping for something from her brother. I walked into the kitchen, throwing the rest of the mail on the table with the groceries, and opened Alice’s letter…and there he was. Alice had sent me Edward after all. He smiled uncertainly at me from the picture she had taken of us, just before the dinner we had together with our families. I remembered he had been so nervous about that dinner, and it had turned out to be absolutely wonderful. Looking at his amazing green eyes and auburn hair, I felt I was transported back there, to that other world that almost seemed a dream now…that was the first night that I realized I loved him.

Tears were burning in the back of my eyes, and I had to blink them several times before I could read Alice’s note. She said she missed me too, and thank you for Angela’s number…and that she had forwarded my letters on to Edward at boot camp in Texas. Seeing his name, knowing she had sent my letters, made my heart spasm again. She didn’t say when, and I tried but couldn’t piece together the timeline. When had she sent the letters? Did he receive them already? How long had he had them? My mind was spinning. I took a deep breath and tried to think calmly. If Alice had sent them, surely he would read them, right? Of course, he may not write back, but if he had just received them recently, he might not have had a chance to…which meant, a letter from him might be coming soon. I quickly tried to tuck that thought away and not get too excited about it, but it was impossible. I knew I would be in an agony of waiting for the next several days.

EPOV

Tonight I had pulled watch duty, which meant I had to stay awake all night ‘watching’, or guarding, our ‘ship’. I was fairly certain the intent was to deny some much needed sleep to recruits on a random basis, but I didn’t exactly mind. I had smuggled a sheet of Jasper’s bootleg paper out with me and had all night to pick the exact words I wanted to say. The yellowed lights of the hallway outside our ship were bright enough to see and write by. I tried bracing the paper against the wall, but the rough texture made it difficult to write smoothly. I decided I would have to write on the floor. I was vigilant for the RDC, who would probably try to catch me sleeping on my feet while on watch, and wouldn’t be pleased to see me writing either.

The night before, I had to hastily get my first letter to Bella written, in order to get it out for mail call. There were many things I had thought of to say since then, and I wasn’t going to wait for a response from her to write again. To say she was ruling my thoughts would be an understatement. The thought of holding her, kissing her, but even more importantly talking to her, was driving me to distraction. I only had one, fifteen minute phone privilege per week, and I was seriously considering calling her on Friday, when our privileges came available. The small matter that I didn’t have her phone number would have to be solved, but what really held me back is that she didn’t know I was calling. She might not be home…she might be out…with someone else. The idea of that was also starting to kill me. I didn’t think I would be able to stand calling her and getting her answering machine.

I decided instead that I would call Alice—I needed to thank her for forwarding the letters, and the picture, but also to ask her to send Bella’s number…and I was going to need more paper. I couldn’t ask Jasper to use up all his favors, and charms, to keep me well supplied in stationery…and I planned to do a lot more writing.

The words were coming easier now, since I had already sent that first, difficult letter. I pictured her, sitting on the couch in that amazing library by the beach, holding the crisp, white pages in her hand and smiling as she read. I imagined us sitting together, just talking, fingers intertwined. When I thought of that, the things I wanted to say to her just flowed out of my pen, leaving an inky confirmation of my love for her on the paper. I had missed the outgoing mail tonight, but tomorrow my thoughts would be on their way to her.

BPOV

The week was agonizing, but not as bad as I had feared. The campers were an excellent distraction, and Angela had started coming over in the evenings, keeping an eye on me, I think, not that I minded. I appreciated her subtle caring for me and wondered how on earth I was going to manage with out her at Dartmouth. It seemed unlikely that I could ever find another friend like her.

Friday arrived, finally, and my anxiety just continued to rise. What was I going to say to Mike? I tried to think of some way to put it, but all the words in my head just ended up sounding cruel and the picture of his furious response never changed.

The last of the campers were being picked up, and I was busy straightening up the last leftover lunch debris from the tables that served as lunch area as well as pickup holding station. The sun had baked the tables so that they were almost hot to the touch. I was lost in my thoughts of what to say to Mike, when I noticed a shadow fall over the table.

“Hi, Bella,” said James brightly.

“James!” I replied, startled. Looking around, and not noticing a small blonde head bobbing around him, I frowned. “Where’s Lily?”

“My mom picked her up today. I came just to see you.” He smiled as he said it, obviously thinking it was a compliment.

“Oh,” I said, not sure what to say to that.

“I was hoping you might want to get something to eat tonight, just as friends,” he added, with emphasis.

“I’m going out with someone tonight,” I said, hoping he would take that like it was a date, even though it wasn’t—maybe he would leave me alone then. His eyes darkened, as if that was not the answer he expected and he really didn’t like it.

“You’re dating someone?” he asked, disbelief in his voice. Was it so inconceivable that I might date someone? He was starting to anger me.

“Yes, I am.” And it’s not you, I wanted to add, in my bitterness. I wasn’t sure if Edward and I could be considered dating, but being hopelessly in love with someone surely qualified as something.

“Is it that Newton guy?” he pressed, getting tense.

“That’s none of your business.” There was definitely bitterness in my voice now. He had a shocked look on his face, as if he realized he had made a critical error.

“No, you’re right. It’s not.” I could see he was mentally backtracking, trying to regroup. He frowned slightly. “Bella, I really just wanted to talk to you. Could we do that sometime? Please?” He was almost pleading with me, as if he needed to talk to me for some reason beyond just wanting to go out on a date.

“I don’t know, James. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” My uncertainty just gave him fuel, however.

“Look, we could go somewhere public, lots of people…it wouldn’t be a date, just a chance to talk, that’s all. I promise.” He was trying to charm me, I could tell, and yet there was something about what he was saying that made me feel…I guess sorry for him. It was as if he needed my help for something and, although I had no idea what that could be, it seemed heartless to turn him away. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to meet with him.

“It’s not a good time right now,” I said, shaking my head slightly. The disappointment on his face lasted only a moment, and was replaced by a frown.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, seeming to actually care.

“I’m…working through some things,” I mumbled. James was the last person I wanted to confide in, and I just wanted to get home. He seemed to finally get the hint, because he backed up a step, giving me room as I resumed cleaning up.

“Okay. Well…take care, Bella. Another time, maybe?” he asked, apparently not giving up after all.

“Maybe,” I said, hoping that sounded a lot more like ‘no’ than ‘yes’.

He smiled regretfully and thankfully drifted back to his car, which was parked nearby. I watched him drive away with the top down, and wondered what that had been about. I shook my head to clear it, finished cleaning up, and went to meet Angela. I needed to get home and get ready to meet my doom tonight with Mike. I was just sure I was going to mess that up completely. Angela seemed to agree as we discussed it on the ride home.

“What did you tell Mike about tonight?” she asked, suspicion in her voice.

“I told him we needed to talk.”

“Well, he thinks it’s a date,” she said, disapproving.

“You’ve talked to him about it?” I asked, incredulous. Did she already tell Mike about Edward, and I was walking into Hurricane Newton? How could she do that to me?

“Ye-es,” she said, like it was obvious that she would talk to one of her best friends about going out with the other one. I couldn’t believe it.

“Angela! I told you I would tell him.” I was beginning to feel like things were going downhill fast and I had no way to get off.

“I didn’t tell him about Edward!” she chastised me. “I just asked him what you were doing on Friday. He’s got all kinds of notions that this is some big romantic date.” She was disapproving again.

We had stopped at her house, and I leaned forward to bang my forehead on the steering wheel a couple times. “What am I going to do? He’s going to be absolutely furious with me. He’ll probably never speak to me again.”

She was quiet for a moment. I peeked sideways at her, and she had a distressed look on her face. She knew it, just as well as I did, that this was going to hurt Mike in a huge way.

“He might not speak to you for a while,” she finally said, “but he won’t be mad forever.” I wasn’t at all sure about that, but at least she understood how badly this was going to go.

“Can I call you afterwards? I mean, after he abandons me at the restaurant and I need a ride home because I’m a miserable wreck?” I sounded pathetic, even in my own ears. Angela leaned over and gave me a hug.

“You had better call me,” she said. “And it’s not going to be that bad. It’s the right thing to do—remember that.” She gave me a half-hearted smile that didn’t help at all.

I was miserable on the drive home. With no air-conditioning in my truck, opening the windows only served to heat-blast my hair and make me hot and sweaty. I was going to need a shower before Mike arrived. But my misery had nothing to do with the heat. I wished, more than ever, that somehow Edward could be here. I reassured myself a little by gently touching the tiny lifesaver around my neck. He was my lifesaver in so many ways, I wished he could be here to save me from this. It would be easier to explain to Mike if Edward was physically here, not just some apparent figment of my imagination. And I would have Edward’s arms afterward to comfort me. I sighed heavily as I pulled up to my house. The mailbox was stuffed with mail, but I was sure none of it was for me. I was right.

I showered quickly and changed clothes three times. I was almost as nervous as if this really was a date. I didn’t want to wear anything that remotely resembled ‘date’ clothes, but I realized that I had no idea what that even meant. I settled on khaki shorts and a white top. The only date I had gone on was with Edward, and clothes were not really at the top of my mind. I thought back to that lunch at the Portofino, and how I had been so unsure of how Edward felt…not unlike I was now. What would Edward think of the letters I had sent him? I had bared my soul in that second one, feeling compelled to tell him what I really felt. It seemed wrong to let it go unsaid, to not let him know that I loved him, even if he didn’t feel the same way. It suddenly dawned on me that it was the same with Mike. I needed to let him know how I felt, even if he didn’t feel the same way. It was only fair—it was the honest, right thing to do. I took a deep breath, and for the first time I felt a little less fear about tonight.

The doorbell rang, pulling me out of my thoughts. I ran downstairs, and threw the door open. Mike stood there, blonde hair backlit by the lowering sun, dressed in a freshly pressed blue button down shirt and chinos, looking very nice for our dinner. The smile on his face as he saw me was so filled with love and caring that it actually warmed my heart, when it should be terrifying me. He was my friend, one of my very best friends. I threw my arms around him and hugged him, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time I was able to do so. He seemed shocked, but quickly recovered and hugged me back. I pulled away, not letting the hug last too long, and his arms seemed to linger a little longer than they should around my waist.

“What was that for?” he asked, grinning and not exactly unhappy about it.

I smiled in a way that I hoped was loving, but not leading. “For being such a great friend.”

He gave me a quizzical look, like that didn’t explain anything, which of course it did not. I stepped back, and looked at him for a moment. I needed to clear something up right away—maybe we wouldn’t even make it to dinner. “Mike, there are some things I need to tell you. But first, you know this isn’t a date, right?”

His face fell a tiny bit, but he covered it quickly. I had the sense that he had a lot of practice doing that, which made a stab into my heart. How long had I been tormenting him by not telling him the truth?

“Well, that’s good, because I forgot to bring you flowers, or whatever you’re supposed to do on a date.” He grinned sheepishly, doing a fine job of teasing me about it. Mike had been on more dates than I, which obviously wasn’t hard to do. There were plenty of girls who were enamored with his blue eyes and easy smile—he just never really gave them much of a chance, while he was waiting for me. My confidence that this was the right thing to do was growing by the minute.

“So, where are we going for dinner?” I asked, taking his arm and closing the door behind me. His shiny blue Corolla was parked next to my ancient truck, a study in contrasts. I was thankful we would have air-conditioning in his car as we walked through the waves of afternoon heat coming off the sidewalk.

“La Bella Italia,” he said, grinning happily at me. “I’ve wanted to take you there for a long time…Bella.” I couldn’t help laughing at his sad joke.

The ride over to the restaurant was easy, comfortable. We chatted aimlessly. I wanted to wait until we were at the restaurant until we started the hard part of this…confession? That’s what it felt like. I wasn’t even sure how to start it, but I was hoping the right time would surface somewhere in the evening.

La Bella Italia was nice…too nice. It was upscale and quiet—elegant, classical music played in the background as the host seated us at a small table for two, darkly lit by one small candle. Although the sun still burned outside, it was cool and dark inside the restaurant, with the window shades drawn tight against the heat. It was a perfect first date, and a terrible place for what I was about to do.

After we were seated and had ordered our pizza, there was a lull in the conversation. I sensed the tension rising and, thankfully, Mike came to the rescue by asking me, “So, what do we need to talk about?” He looked steadily at me, as if he had steeled himself for this. He obviously knew something important was on my mind, but I doubted he had any idea what it was. I nervously toyed with the lifesaver dangling from my neck.

“I, um…” I faltered. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a brief moment. Then, looking back at his still steady gaze, I said, “I want to tell you about someone I met…on the cruise.”

He looked perplexed. “Someone you met,” he echoed me, “on the cruise? Okay…” This clearly was not what he was expecting.

I tried again. “I met someone on the cruise, and I’ve fallen in love with him.” I waited for the wincing, the anger, but all he did was look more confused.

“You met someone on the cruise, and fell in love? Bella, that doesn’t make any sense.” Well, he was right about that. None of it made any sense at all. Still, it was true all the same.

“His name is Edward,” I said, not sure how much detail to go into. None, seemed the right answer on that one. Mike was still shaking his head, trying to decipher what I was telling him.

“Wait, the cruise lasted four days, right?” he asked squinting at me as if he was trying to see what I was saying. I nodded.

“And you fell in love with some guy…on the boat…in four days…” It was starting to sink in, and I could see the anger building up inside him.

“Yes,” I said, very quietly. Mike was speechless for a while, a long agonizing while, as I waited for him to say something.

“Who…who is this guy?” he finally asked, confusion struggling with anger on his face.

“His name is Edward,” I repeated, not sure what else I should say about him. I started sliding the lifesaver back and forth on the chain, feeling the room close in on me.

“But…I mean, where is he? Does he work on the boat?” I could see he was trying to piece it together, and I needed to give him more information, to help him sort it out.

“No—he and his family were vacationing on the cruise, like me and my mom and Phil. We met during the cruise and then he went back home to Washington. He’s in Texas now.” I didn’t want to go into the explanation of everything. I was fairly certain that Mike didn’t want to know.

“So, he doesn’t even live here?” he asked, incredulity taking over confusion. I shook my head. We had been unconsciously leaning in towards each other during our intense exchange and now he pushed himself back away from the table, away from me, a look of distaste on his face.

“You sure can pick them, Bella,” he said, anger plain on his face now. I cringed away from his resentment. “First James, who couldn’t treat you right for one night, and now this guy, who you were with for all of four days, and now is gone.” He was angry, and hurt, which I expected. I didn’t expect him to try to hurt me back. I bit my lip and held back the tears—I didn’t get to be the injured one here today. I stayed quiet.

“You can’t even…” he was shaking his head, in disgust and disbelief. “You can’t even see what is right in front of you…” He looked like he couldn’t decide whether to be furious, or just hurt. I was aching so badly inside for him. I had to tell him right now, or I wasn’t going to make it through this.

“Mike, I see you. I see my best friend, who’s always been my best friend, and I love you for it. I love the way you care for me, and look out for me, and I don’t want to hurt you. Because you’re my best friend, you have a right to know…to know I’m in love with Edward. It…it’s not fair to keep it from you.”

“Fair??” he practically shouted at me, opting for furious. “You fall in love in four days with some guy you don’t even know, and you’re talking about fair?”

Oh no. I had really blown it now. I just sat there, struck dumb by his anger.

“How? How can you fall in love in four days, Bella? You’re joking, right? It doesn’t work like that.”

“I don’t know,” I said softly, defeated. “It just happened. I didn’t choose to fall in love with him, Mike, I just did. And it’s exactly like that—it’s something that happens, and you’re in love, and you can’t just wish it away…you can’t make yourself stop loving, because it’s not really in your control.” I was staring at the table as I spoke, trying not to cry, but those traitorous tears were leaking out anyway. I glanced up and Mike was just staring at me, open mouthed, like I was some alien creature from Mars. I wanted so desperately for him to understand, but that was completely beyond hopeless. I wondered if this was the end of our friendship—if he would just walk away and never speak to me again. The pleading look in my eyes reached him…or possibly it was the tears, I’m not sure which…but his look softened and he reached out to touch my hands, which I didn’t realize were clasped upon the table, shaking. His large hand lay softly on top of mine.

“I know,” he said, slowly, looking at me with wide, uncertain eyes, “you can’t make yourself stop, even if you try, because it’s just part of who you are.” I wasn’t sure what he was saying now, but it sounded like he was talking about himself, and not me. That he understood—because he loved me that way, too.

That was too much for me, and I just broke down in tears, putting my forehead down on top of his warm hand and sobbing. He reached over and stroked my head, comforting me. He was comforting me—it was horrible. I felt like a wretch. I sat up, pulling my hands away from his consoling touch, wiping my tears away, and angry at myself for crying. Mike was the one who should be crying, breaking down, and cursing my name…something. Instead, he was just looking at me, soft blue eyes searching my face as if he was seeing me for the first time.

“God, Mike, I’m sorry! I’ve no right to sit here and cry on you! I’ve no right to ask you to still be my friend…” I was miserable, and I couldn’t look at those blue eyes that, incredibly, were looking kindly at me, all anger gone. I just stared at the table.

“No, you don’t,” he said very softly. “But I love you anyway…”

At that unfortunate moment, our waitress appeared with our pizza. Mike quietly asked her to box it for us to take home. She looked confused for a second, then seeing my tear stained face, hurried away, taking the pizza with her. We were both quiet until she brought it back, boxed, with the check. Mike paid and picked the pizza up to leave. I rose numbly and followed him out of the restaurant. At least he wasn’t going to abandon me here, like I deserved. He was too much of a gentleman, too much a good friend, to do that. I should have known.

We were silent on the drive back to my house, Mike’s eyes glued to the road, mine staring out the window. I couldn’t think of anything to say, although my mind was casting about desperately for something that could make this better, ease the pain for him and for me. I couldn’t come up with anything.

He walked me to the door, waiting for me to open it. To my surprise, he walked inside, putting the pizza on the kitchen table before walking back to me as I stood, dazed, at the front door. I was still unable to say anything. He looked into my eyes for a long moment, and then pulled me close, wrapping me in his strong arms and hugging me. He held me for a long time, his face buried in my hair. I was trembling, but I held him as best I could.

“Goodbye, Bella,” he whispered in my ear, and walked out my front door.

I didn’t call Angela. I walked upstairs and cried myself to sleep that night.

EPOV

Friday was test day—our first written tests, as well as the Indoor Confidence Course. But most importantly, it was phone privilege day. I asked Jasper who he was using his phone privilege for, but he gave some vague answer about it already being taken care of. I had the sense that he wasn’t leaving anyone behind, didn’t have anyone he wanted to call, but didn’t press. Sometimes he was a very private person, I was finding.

Recruits were lined up at the phone bank, waiting their turn for their fifteen minute slot or talking furtively into their phone, trying to hear and be heard over the noise. My family was expecting my call, and my mom picked up on the first ring. I had used my first phone privilege to call Emmett, so this was the first time I had talked to her—she sounded anxious. After repeatedly assuring her I was fine, and checking my watch to make sure I still had time, I asked to speak to Alice. Fortunately, she was home.

“Hey, good looking, did you get my package?” she sang into the phone. It was really good to hear her voice.

“Alice, you’re the best, you know?”

“I’ve got you covered,” she said in a knowing way, sounding eerily like Jasper.

“Well, I need your help again. Can you get me Bella’s phone number and send it to me before next Friday?”

She snorted in disgust. “Of course.”

“And I need some stationery, too.”

That sharpened her interest just a little. “Are you going to write Bella?” she asked, a little too nonchalantly. I smiled into the phone.

“I already have, but my bunkmate had to use some favors to get me stationery, and I don’t want to have to ask him again.”

“Your bunkmate helped you out with Bella by scoring some stationery for you?” She sounded impressed.

“Yeah, Jasper’s pretty cool. Can you send it soon?”

“Of course.”

“Also, can you tell Mom and Dad that next week I’m going to be using my phone privilege to call Bella? Tell them I’ll write instead. And can you convince Mom she really needs to stop worrying about me? I’m fine.”

“Well, you know how that goes.”

I sighed. “Right. And Alice—thanks for the picture.”

I could hear her smiling through the phone. “You are most welcome, big brother. So, do you have it pinned up in your locker?”

“Yes,” I conceded. I could hear a small, barely suppressed squeal on the other end of the line. “My time’s almost up. Can you put Mom back on the phone? I need to make up for next week.”

“Love ya, Edward.”

“You too, sis.” I hadn’t realized how much I missed Alice until I had heard her voice. I spent the rest of my time slot reassuring my mom that I wasn’t dying of dehydration or something worse, and promising to write.

I was weary from being up for almost two days, having successfully stayed awake for my entire ‘watch’ last night. I had already sent the letter for Bella that I wrote during my watch standing, but there would be no more time for writing tonight. Tomorrow I would write for both Bella and my mom. I was asleep almost before my head hit the pillow, a smile lingering on my face.

BPOV

My eyes were following the lines in the ceiling—tiny cracks and contours that formed barely discernable patterns above my bed. I was just lying there, feeling the numbness that still hadn’t lifted, having spent most of the night tossing and turning. My cell phone buzzed and jumped on my desk. Angela was calling me again. I had turned it to silent earlier so I wouldn’t have to listen to it ring.

I would have to call her back eventually, of course. I just didn’t want to talk to her right now, while I was still mired in the depression of telling Mike that I didn’t love him. I shuddered when I thought of what it must feel like for him. I could just imagine how I would feel if Edward told me he was in love with someone else—actually, I couldn’t imagine it, because as soon as I let my mind go in that direction, it shut down completely. But I knew that Mike must feel horrible right now, and I knew I was the cause of it. I sighed, the guilt weighing me down, sinking me further into the bed.

I must have drifted back asleep again, because I was startled awake by a pounding on the door downstairs. I finally forced myself out of bed and stumbled down the stairs before it occurred to me that I had no idea who could be at the door. I opened it cautiously and there stood Angela, a worried and angry look on her face, holding my mail.

“Bella! Why haven’t you answered your phone?” she demanded in a rush. I stepped aside, letting her in.

“I’m sorry, Ang. I’ve just been…” What? Moping? Depressed? Still dressed in my khaki shorts and cotton top from last night, I must have looked like a wreck.

Angela seemed to take in my appearance as well, and the anger left, leaving only concern behind. “Was it really that bad?” she said, an anxious look on her face.

“Yeah, pretty much,” I said dully, taking the stack of mail from her and heading over to the couch. I knew she’d want to hear all about it, and I guess I couldn’t put it off any longer. I sank heavily into the couch as I sat, and Angela joined me. The early afternoon sun was making shadows across the room, making me squint from the glare. “Did you talk to Mike?” I asked, hoping maybe she had some idea already and I wouldn’t have to go over everything.

“Yeah,” she said, looking stricken. “He was very…down. He didn’t want to talk to me much.” I just nodded. “What happened?” she pressed.

“I told him I loved Edward, he got really mad…and then I started crying, and really made a mess of it.” I paused, trying not to go back over that conversation again, the way it had been replaying in my mind for the last twelve hours. “He brought me home, hugged me and said goodbye. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see me again.”

“No! Bella, he just needs time. He’ll get over it.” Her anxious look seemed to say she wasn’t entirely convinced herself.

“I don’t know, Ang,” I said, shaking my head dejectedly and flipping through the stack of junk mail sitting on the couch between us. I froze as I saw it—a plain white envelope, handwritten address, postmarked in Texas—a small gasp escaped me. I picked it up, flipped it over, and saw it was from Edward. I looked up from the envelope at Angela with wide eyes. “He wrote back,” I said, and her eyes flew wide open as well.

“I knew it,” she said, a small smile on her face. I went back to staring at the envelope, not quite believing it was real. “Call me later,” Angela was saying as she got up from the couch and started heading to the door. “Promise, Bella.”

“Promise,” I replied, nodding as she slipped out. I opened the envelope as soon as she was gone, and read the letter with one hand clutching my tiny lifesaver ring, and one hand trembling as I held the thick, white paper.

Dear Bella,

I was so glad get your letters, especially the second one. I haven’t been able to think about anything else since I read them. I’m sorry I didn’t write, or call, you sooner. I was afraid that maybe you wouldn’t want me to. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.

I had a dream about you, too.

You were beautiful, like you always are. You wore white, and that smile that I love, and your hair was soft, just like I remembered it. I kissed you for a long time and didn’t want to stop.

It reminded me of that last time I kissed you, on the pier, and I wanted to say I was sorry for that, too. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but I think, even then, I loved you too much to be able to say it. Goodbye was too final, and I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that I would never see you again. I hope you can forgive me for that.

I know that there are plenty of other guys who would do anything to be with you. I know I would. I don’t know how, or when, we can be together again, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re all I can think about.

Yours,

Edward

I closed my eyes and pictured him, bent over the thick white paper, writing furiously to send me this lifeline. The hope and love welled up in me and I held the paper to my chest, hugging it. Edward was rescuing me again—from the agony of telling Mike, from my own heartache and doubt, from the sheer terror that he would love someone else…someone not me. I looked at the letter again, just now noticing the pale watermark at the top and the elegant script that was his handwriting. I read it again and again…I loved you too much…you’re all I can think about…Yours, Edward…the words were imprinting on my mind, a tattoo of his love, etched in words. My heart was fluttering so badly it was making me light headed.

I remembered that I should call Angela. I promised and I wanted to let her know that I was going to be fine…everything was going to work out, because the one thing that I needed most desperately in this world was true. Edward loved me. I fumbled with the phone in my pocket, flipping it open and hitting the speed dial. She answered quickly.

“Bella! Are you okay?” she asked, worry still coming through phone.

“Edward loves me.”

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Chapter: 15

Chapter 15 – Privileges

Icrodriguez – Navyward sends you his love, and this chapter has a letter written just for you – enjoy!

BPOV

It was a revelation to me how much I was affected by Edward’s letter. Simply knowing that he loved me, missed me, was dreaming about me, had changed everything. It was as if the universe suddenly came into focus—everything was clear and suddenly made sense. The time between now and when I had last seen Edward at the pier was just a dream—an anxious dream of waiting and doubt, mixed with misery and longing. Now, I had finally awoken to find that he loved me, setting everything right in the world. Of course the intense feelings that we had both had during that first four days wouldn’t disappear with a plane ride home. Of course we would be thinking of each other, wondering what the other was doing, preoccupied with thoughts of one another—we loved each other. It only made sense, now.

Still, I was surprised when I arrived home from a second day back at camp, my third week of teaching Faeries and Fairytales, to find another letter from Edward in my mailbox. I had written him a letter immediately after I read his first letter to me…well, immediately after I had called Angela and re-read his letter a dozen more times, committing it to memory so I could carry it with me throughout the days and into the nights. I had already missed the Saturday mail, but I made sure it went out first thing on Monday. I never suspected that I would receive another letter so soon, but my heart just about burst out of my chest in excitement when I realized what it was. I dropped my keys on the coffee table, and sat down on the couch. I opened the letter as quickly as I could without damaging its contents.

Dear Bella,

I’m standing watch outside my ship, tired from a long day of training, studying and drills. Normally, I can’t wait for the nighttime, because that is when I get to think and dream about you. Did I tell you I dream of you every night? But tonight, I will gladly trade dreaming about you for the chance to write to you again.

All the time we had together on the boat, I felt as if our time was too short. There was not enough time to hold you, or kiss you, or find out all the things about you that I wanted to know. You have intrigued me from the first word you ever said to me: ‘No’, as I recall, which I found terribly funny at the time, because I had only asked you if you could speak. Now, I take whatever time I can steal in the evening before lights out, to write my hasty letters and hope that they find their way to you before you forget about me, or give up hope of hearing from me.

You asked about boot camp, and I will tell you, but only if you promise to fend off your many admirers and sit down and write me a letter to answer my questions as well. I have so many. But first, I will tell you some things about me.

I have your picture in my locker, and start every day looking at your beautiful smile and wondering why I didn’t take the opportunity to kiss you more frequently while you were wearing that green dress. I have a bunkmate named Jasper, who is also going to the Language Institute in Monterey, who was very helpful in acquiring the paper I’m using to write you. We have most of our class work together, although we are only learning Navy rules and regs so far. We spend a lot of time on drills and physical training, and I am also doing extra duty in the military band. I daydream about you during all of it.

Now, you must answer the following questions: Is being a camp counselor the drudgery that you thought? What have you been doing with your friends since you’ve been home? Have you thought more about your major in the fall? Are you still wearing my ring?

Since I won’t be getting any sleep tonight, and will miss dreaming about you, I will have to create my own waking dream about you. It starts with you waving from far away, as I come off the gangplank. I’m dressed in my navy whites, because I’m returning from a tour of duty, and you are dressed in an amazing blue dress that doesn’t touch your knees, but seems to touch everywhere else. I have to wade through other sailors and their girlfriends and wives to reach you, but when I finally do, I hold you for a very long time, lips pressed to yours, not wanting to let you go.

Please write soon.

Yours,

Edward

My heart was racing—how on earth could he do that to me from 1,126 miles away? His letter left me weak in the knees and it was a good thing I was sitting down on my couch while I read it. I held his ring, his ring, and thrilled to the way that he thought of it, and of me. I couldn’t understand how he could want to know such mundane things about me and my life here in Phoenix, but I would be a good girl and write him the answers, if only to receive another one of those letters that set my heart alight in return.

EPOV

The end of the day had finally arrived. Recruit Petty Officer Simpson was delivering mail tonight in Hawaiian under shorts, the rest of his regular uniform and smurfs having mysteriously disappeared from his locker while he was in the shower. I was trying to contain my laughter as he shouted, “Seaman Recruit Cullen, mail call!” but Jasper was stone cold silent and didn’t even crack a smile. I was certain he was the one responsible. I rushed to pick up the brown envelope Simpson had tossed at me, hoping it was from Bella, but it was just the package Alice had promised to send. I guessed that it was too early for a letter from Bella to arrive, but it made me a little nervous, nonetheless.

“Mail from Bella?” Jasper asked, peering curiously at the brown package I had retrieved from the floor next to our bunks.

“No—Alice,” I replied. He gave me a disapproving look, which prompted me to add, “She’s my sister?”

He nodded, but didn’t drift away, apparently still curious. Jasper had yet to receive mail at camp, or use a phone privilege, and it was starting to make me wonder. I showed him the stationery Alice sent—some very nice, heavy-weight linen paper with matching envelopes. Alice’s idea of masculine style came in handy sometimes. I told him that Alice had also sent Bella’s phone number and I was planning on calling her at my next privilege.

“Who are you going to call on Friday?” I asked, trying not to appear to pry.

“No one. Hey, do you want my slot? I could pretend it’s my call, and then let you talk.” Jasper knew I was thinking about Bella night and day, and he always seemed keen to help, but I couldn’t help asking.

“Don’t you have a girl, back in San Antonio?” I knew he had come from there before boot camp, but he really hadn’t said much more about his family than that.

“Not any more,” he said, typically cryptic.

“What happened?”

He took a deep breath and looked at me intently before answering, as if gauging whether he wanted me to know. He must have decided it was okay, because he folded his arms, and leaned languidly against the top rack, settling in to tell me. “She didn’t care for me quite the way I cared for her, you could say. After I found her with my best friend, I finally told her she needed to get out. But she was gone long before that.” I felt badly that I had pried into his business, dredging up old pain. Jasper seemed to sense my concern and before I could say anything, he added, “Hey, don’t worry about it. She wasn’t the right one for me anyway. I haven’t found that one yet. Not like you and Bella. Now that’s something to write home about.”

I grinned, enjoying Jasper’s vicarious fascination with Bella and I. Still, I was worried about him. “Well, what about your family? Shouldn’t you call them and let them know you’re doing okay?”

He snorted, finding what I said very funny, although I wasn’t sure why. “I don’t think the Commander wants me to check in and tell him I’m okay,” he laughed. “He’d probably make sure I got assigned extra PT if he thought I wasn’t miserable enough.”

“The Commander?” I choked out. “Wait, Commander Hale is your father?” Why I had never put together before that our Base Commander had the same last name as Jasper, I’ll never know, but it all started to make sense to me. His unnatural ease with all things Navy…his ability to run circles around all the chiefs and petty officers…his being close personal friends with the Chief Petty Officer in charge at the Commander’s office.

“Well, I don’t exactly advertise it, son. Boot camp’s hell as it is,” he said, but his eyes were dancing, enjoying my surprise.

“But…” I was sputtering, still trying to wrap my head around it, “what about your mom? Or sisters and brothers? Come on, Jasper, there’s got to be someone you can use your privilege for, besides donating it to my Bella crusade.” I was trying to tease him a little, but he suddenly got serious.

“My mom would be turning over in her grave if she knew I enlisted, so I don’t think I’ll be calling her. As for Jenna, well, she’s not likely to be home on a Friday night.” He said this all with a cool, calm expression on his face, but there was something…some inner churning just below the surface.

“Jasper…I’m sorry,” I started, but he cut me off, waving me to stop.

“Edward, it’s fine. But now that you mention it, there is someone I’d like to call…”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t suppose you could give me your parent’s number—where are they, in Washington, right?”

“Um, yeah...” I was starting to get a little concerned.

“Maybe I should call up your mom, you know, just to let her know how her little boy is doing.” He was grinning wide again and I gave him a disgusted look.

“The last thing I’m going to do is let you anywhere near the women in my family,” I said, seriously meaning it.

“Oh, now you’ve hurt my feelings,” he grinned even wider, and feigned a heartbreak, hand over his chest. I couldn’t help laughing again. Jasper always seemed to know just the right thing to say to lighten the mood, and I was grateful to have him for a bunkmate. Boot camp would be a lot less tolerable without him. I wished I could figure out what his inner turmoil was, as easily as he figured out mine. It might help if he talked in his sleep, as I apparently did, giving away all my secrets. Jasper was easy to talk to, friendly and charming…and as tight as a clam when it came to the contents inside.

I went to sleep that night wondering what Bella had thought of the letters I had sent her. The elation I felt after receiving her letters had not faded in the days since, but a small worry kept gnawing at me that perhaps she had changed her mind, or thought I didn’t care enough to answer. I wasn’t sure if all my apologies had met their mark, convincing her to…wait for me. I didn’t know how long that might be, and I couldn’t make any promises, except that I would keep loving her, no matter what—as if I had a choice about that. I’m not sure when I drifted off, but it was long after the lights went out.

…Bella was on the beach again, only this beach was in the Bahamas with white sand and no boulders, and she was wearing her blue bikini…and nothing else. My heart lurched as she stepped out of the surf, which was gently lapping at her legs, and walked towards me. The cool water had made her skin wet and taut with small goose bumps as the wind blew over and chilled her. As she reached me, I felt my breath coming in small gasps as I pulled her next to me. For some reason, I was fully dressed in my summer uniform, and her bare skin felt incredible pressed against the crisp, pressed fabric. I could barely contain my passion for her, kissing her fervently on her lips, her neck, my hand wrapped in her hair…I realized there was no reason to stop, we had all the time in the world now…

My body was on high alert as the alarm sounded, and I realized I must have been nearly awake when it went off. Jasper and I were off our bunks, running through the drill as the RDC barked his orders, and I barely noticed Jasper’s sideways snicker as we finished making our racks.

“Sleep well?” he asked in a whisper, just out of the chief’s hearing and smirking. I couldn’t decide whether to be more annoyed at my inability to keep quiet at night, or his determination to tease me about it. If I was lucky I might be able to team up with him during first aid training today—I would make sure he was the injured party this time.

Today’s physical training was particularly brutal since we were going to be outdoors. Most of our PT took place inside, given that most of us would be assigned to a ship of some kind. But today we got to enjoy the Texas wet heat as we were put through our paces on an outdoor confidence course that seemed to simulate the top deck of an aircraft carrier. Most of the recruits who were going to wash out had already done so—we didn’t lose anyone today, but by the end of it we were all drenched with sweat and weary to the bone. I had a couple rope burns on my hands from handling lines and tying knots. Even Jasper seemed to be taken down a notch from his usual cool and collected self.

Our RDC must have thought it fantastically funny to send us straight to classroom training without showers. Petty Officer Reynolds surely didn’t appreciate a room filled with fully baked recruits, but she was keeping me more awake than usual today with interesting coursework on naval history and shipboard communications. Jasper seemed just as bored as always, and I realized he probably already knew everything there was to know, being a Navy brat. The rest of the day passed relatively quickly, and I was glad—I was anxious for mail call tonight.

I wasn’t disappointed when Recruit Petty Officer Simpson, who had reacquired his uniform, called my name during mail call. I was ready and snatched it from him before he could toss it across the bunks. Cream colored envelope, delicate handwriting—this one was definitely from Bella. I answered Jasper’s unspoken question with a nod, and he graciously gave me privacy on my bunk to open it up.

Dear Edward,

Your letter arrived just in time. I was having a hard time today, and your letter rescued me, as you seem to keep doing over and over. I miss you more than you can imagine.

Your apologies are so silly, and if you were here I would tease you endlessly about them. Let me just say that I will forgive you for anything, as long as you continue to send me letters like this one. Your words have an effect on me that is difficult for me to describe. Painfully wonderful? Achingly soothing? I wish you were here. I would show you what I mean.

There is no one that could ever make me feel the way you do.

Love,

Bella

I didn’t know what effect my words had on Bella, but the effect hers had on me was going to drive me insane. But at least I knew…she hadn’t changed her mind, she still loved me, and she would wait…for how long, I didn’t know. I would write letters as often as she wished, if it would keep reminding her that I was here, thinking about her. My barely contained longing for her was interrupted by a twinge as I re-read the letter and realized that something had happened that had caused her pain. I wished she had shared that with me, but maybe I could ask her about it on Friday. I was almost afraid to know, since there was nothing I could do about it. If someone had hurt her…a fierce anger flew up inside me and caught me by surprise. If someone hurt her and I wasn’t there to stop it…but, no, she had only said that she had a ‘hard time’…that could be anything. I would definitely ask her on Friday.

Jasper somehow sensed my abrupt change in mood.

“Everything okay on the home front?” he asked, hanging his head off the edge.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I just wish I was there.”

“You’ve got my time slot on Friday. Use it wisely,” he said with a soft smile. I decided that Jasper was okay after all.

BPOV

I skated through the week on the leftover high from Edward’s second letter. Camp continued to be enjoyable, but I missed Lily—she must not have attended camp this week, but at least James wasn’t around either. I hadn’t heard from Mike since Friday night, and Angela had stopped coming over in the evenings. I think she was keeping an eye on him, making sure he was okay this time. I was glad Mike had her for a friend, too, now that I had turned out to be not much of one.

I had gotten another letter from Edward yesterday, a short one telling me he was going to call me tonight. I had been strangely anxious all day. I was tremendously excited about talking to him, but also terrified. What would I say? I couldn’t say those things I had written in the letters—somehow it was a lot easier to write it down than to say out loud. I wanted to know what it was really like in boot camp. Was it very difficult? Did they treat him badly? I was sure he could manage, but I was still concerned. Mostly I just wanted to hear his voice again.

I was literally waiting by the phone. He said he would call between nine and ten o’clock and that he didn’t know the exact time because he had to wait his turn with dozens of other recruits. It was only 9:10 when the phone rang, making me jump, even though I was expecting it. I didn’t recognize the caller ID, but I wasn’t sure what it would be, coming from a military facility. I clicked the phone on.

“Hello?”

“Bella?” It was him and his sweet lyrical voice made my heart skip.

“Edward,” I breathed out, unbelievably happy just at the sound of his voice.

He seemed to sigh, too. “It’s really good to hear your voice.”

“I miss you,” I said, without thinking, and suddenly there was a lump in my throat and I didn’t know if I was going to be able to say anything else.

“You have no idea how much I miss you,” he replied, sounding like he wanted to reach through the phone and touch me. I was completely unable to say anything, and there was an awkward silence for a moment. “Bella, are you okay?” he asked, suddenly sounding worried.

“Yeah,” I managed, finally finding my voice.

“You said something in your letter, about having a hard time,” he started. I did? Oh, that.

“That was before I got your letter. I really like your letters,” I said, hoping he understood how much they meant to me.

“Yours make me crazy,” he said. I could almost hear him smile through the phone.

“Crazy in a good way?”

“Crazy in the best way,” he said, laughing now. I sighed, feeling the anxiety melt away, and that easy feeling we had before coming back. “But, I do want to know. What was making you have a hard time? Was it just that I hadn’t written you?” He seemed worried that he might be responsible somehow.

“No, I, um…” I hesitated, wondering how much to tell him about Mike.

“Bella, please don’t…” he begged.

“Don’t what?” I asked, surprised.

“Don’t edit. Don’t keep things from me. You don’t know how it tortures me,” he said softly, and my heart just about broke from wanting him.

“Okay. But it might not be what you want to hear.”

“I want to hear it,” he said, determined, and seemed to be steeling himself. I didn’t want him to think it was anything that dramatic, so I quickly went through it.

“I told Mike, about you, and he didn’t take it very well. He’s pretty mad and not really talking to me right now.” I waited to see what he thought of this.

“Oh,” he said, and seemed relieved, almost happy about it. Then he seemed to think better of that, adding, “I’m sorry your friend is mad at you.”

“Angela thinks he’ll get over it, but I’m not so sure.” I didn’t really want to talk about Mike—I wanted to talk about him. “Anyway, how is boot camp going?”

“It’s complete hell most of the time, but I think I’ll survive,” he was laughing about it, and didn’t sound like he was suffering. I loved his laugh and for a moment, I forgot to say anything. “I’m joking, Bella,” he added.

“I really like hearing you laugh,” I blurted out again, wondering what happened to my internal dialogue filter. Talking to him was almost like being back on the cruise, I felt so comfortable, spilling my secrets without a second thought.

I heard him take a sharp breath in. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that when you’re over a thousand miles away.”

“Eleven hundred and twenty six. I looked it up.” I was rewarded with a genuine laugh that time, making me smile ear to ear. God, it was killing me to have him so far away. “Are you really okay?” I added, more seriously. “I need to know. I can’t tell from your letters…” I had lost my voice again, on an emotional seesaw in this phone call.

“Other than missing you, I’m fine. Besides, I’ve got Jasper here to keep an eye on me.” I could hear him smiling again, wondering how that could be.

“He’s your bunkmate?”

“He’s great. Which reminds me, he’s going to call you back here in a minute. My time’s almost up, and he’s going to let me use his phone privilege time. So, just be prepared, okay?”

“Prepared for what?” I asked, perplexed.

“Prepared for Jasper. Whatever he says, just completely disregard it, okay?” I could hear he was joking, but only by half.

“Um, okay.”

“Alright. I’m going to go now, but I’ll talk to you in a minute, as soon as Jasper can call you.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Bella.” He seemed like he didn’t want to say the words, even though it was only for a minute.

“Bye.” The phone clicked dead, and I turned it off. It was only a few minutes before the phone rang again, but it felt like an excruciating amount of time. I thought furiously about what I had forgotten to ask, what I needed to know. I didn’t know when I would be able to speak to him again. Mostly, I wanted to know that he was still thinking about me. The phone rang, impossibly making me jump again. I clicked it on.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Bella, it’s Jasper,” a voice with southern boy accent drawled through my phone. I smiled.

“Hi, Jasper.”

“It’s nice to meet you, little lady. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He seemed to think that was funnier than it should be. I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Well, I appreciate you looking out for Edward. Are you guys really doing okay there?”

His voice got softer, gentler. “He’s fine, Bella. Other than pining away for you, of course.” A little louder, he added, “Whatever you’re writing in those letters, just keep them coming. He lives for those things.” He seemed to be hurrying up. “Well, here’s lover boy, now. Bye, Bella.”

“Bye, Jasper.” I was trying to rein in my laughter before Edward got back on the line.

“Please tell me you didn’t listen to a thing he said, Bella,” said Edward, sounding just a bit flustered.

“What? Did he say something?” I teased. I could almost hear him groan.

“I swear, I don’t know whether to kill Jasper, or thank him. What do you think?” He was back to teasing again and less upset.

“I’d stick with thanking him. Besides, I need him around to keep an eye on you for me.” He laughed again, and I loved the sound of it. We talked easily some more, about my camp and his, about the heat and the summer sun, and suddenly our time was over. It didn’t seem like it could possibly be fifteen minutes had gone by in what seemed like an instant.

“I have to go now,” he said, sounding like that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do.

“Will you call me again?” I asked, hoping that didn’t sound too desperate.

“Don’t you like my letters?” he teased.

“I’m in love with your letters, Edward,” I admonished. “But…I…” I stumbled, knowing I couldn’t say any more without completely breaking down.

“I’ll call you next Friday,” he said very softly.

“Okay,” I breathed out, relieved. There was a pause for a moment, neither of us quite knowing how to end the call, and really not wanting to.

“I love you, Bella,” he said, so softly I could barely hear it. But I did, and it completely took my breath away to hear those words from him.

“I love you, too,” I somehow managed to get out around the lump in my throat.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” he said, a soft, but determined, promise in his voice.

“Bye.” The line went dead, and my heart sunk with it. I clicked off the phone, and leaned back on the couch, staring up at ceiling. This long distance love affair was going to tear me apart.

Dearest Readers,

I am going to go back to skipping POVs through time, as the story moves ahead. Let me know what you think of the phone call…the letters…and most of all, Jasper!

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Chapter: 16

Chapter 16 – Friends

Dearest Readers,

Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews – they definitely inspire me to write faster!

EPOV

Five weeks into boot camp, more than halfway through, and I finally feel like my muscles aren’t aching every time I get out of bed. I passed the PT test, and avoided the ‘individual’ training that some unluckier recruits were now enduring. We received our dress uniforms last week, and I had a flashback to my waking dream about meeting Bella at the pier. Someday, I would have that dream come true…I hoped. Bella was writing me letters nearly every day now, and they were keeping me afloat. I was finally getting a chance to ask her all the things I wanted, but never had time to, during the cruise.

She said she was enjoying working with the kids at her camp, more than she expected, and that her friend Mike was still not talking to her. If I had to be honest, that part didn’t upset me too much, but I felt guilty about it—it wasn’t exactly fair for her to be losing friends over me. I just couldn’t help feeling jealous that he was there and I was here, and I didn’t want him to have an opportunity to win her over in any way in my absence.

The letters were a slow, and tortured, way to communicate, but at least there was time to discuss things there. The time during our phone calls was so brief it felt like we had no time at all before we were done. Still, I was eagerly awaiting our phone privilege tonight. If I was really lucky, a letter would be arriving for me as well. I had asked her a few letters back about her plans for a major in the fall, and what she might want to do after college. We had avoided talking about the future too much, by unspoken mutual agreement. It just seemed too difficult to contemplate, with years of separation stretching in front of us like a barren desert with no end.

“Look alive, recruit,” Jasper whispered next to me, drawing me out of my daydreaming and back to attention just before the Chief passed me. We were getting weapons training today, and the Chief was giving us a pep talk, of sorts.

This was our first time on the firing range, with M-9 pistols. “You will not be firing live rounds today,” Chief McMillan was shouting as he passed. “You will be using a laser firing system, which, if you prove yourself capable of not shooting your own damn foot, we might consider giving you a real weapon.” This gathered a few snickers from some of the recruits, which was followed by extra pushups. I was sure the RDC’s were more concerned about not getting ‘accidentally’ shot by one of the recruits, than they were about recruits shooting themselves. Having not handled a gun before, this was fine with me, but Jasper seemed disgusted with the idea of using the simulator. I could tell just by looking at him. Five weeks of constant time together, and I was beginning to be able to read him—not as well as he read me, but at least I was leveling the playing field a little.

“Where’s the fun, if there’s no chance of actually shooting anyone?” I asked, rhetorically, in the same whispered voice, earning a sideways grin from Jasper, who still had his eyes locked forward on the Chief. His blonde hair was growing out so that it almost looked moppy again, and it shook slightly with his muffled laughter.

The simulator felt a lot like a computer game, although the weapon was real—or at least felt real, in spite of shooting lasers rather than bullets, with a pressurized gas canister giving realistic recoil action. I had a feeling firing a real gun was still going to be a completely different experience. Jasper was a fine shot, but then I didn’t expect any less. I was better than I thought, and didn’t embarrass myself too badly—must have been all that time playing Halo 3 with Emmett.

Only a few more hours, and then phone time with Bella. I was going to have to use my privilege next week to call my mom, or she wasn’t going to forgive me. I had been buying time with letters, but Alice had warned me I better call next week or it was going to be unbearable in the Cullen household.

I took careful aim for my last shot…

BPOV

The last two weeks had been a slow walk through time, punctuated by thrilling moments of hope when I received a letter from Edward. I had a stack of them now, growing in my room, and they kept coming, nearly every day. I was getting so addicted to them that it was a difficult day when I arrived home and there was nothing in the mailbox. Sundays were simply purgatory.

The things he wrote seemed designed to go straight to my heart, even the simple questions that he asked. But my favorite parts were where he shared something new, answered one of my questions, or in some way sent a piece of himself through the mail. Last night’s letter was particularly rich with those small treasures. Of course, I had memorized it by the end of the evening…

Dear Bella,

I laughed out loud at the last letter you sent, and your story about your mom, the priest and the grey potatoes. Jasper thought I had lost my mind, so I shared it with him. I hope you don’t mind.

So, here’s my own snippet from the Cullen Family Archives…One day, when Alice was about 7, she came home proclaiming that Santa did not exist. Being the sweet older brothers that we are, Emmett and I concocted a plan to convince her that the jolly old elf was real, but that he only brought lumps of coal to naughty little girls that didn’t believe. Emmett was going to sneak out Christmas Eve onto the roof, stomp around, and ring some bells. My job was to wake Alice and tell her that Santa had arrived, and then guide her to the freshly placed charcoal briquette in her stocking. Emmett, being eleven at the time, and already over confident, somehow managed to fall off the roof just after I had woken up Alice. He screamed the entire way and somehow managed not to kill himself by landing in the bushes. Needless to say, Mom and Dad were not impressed. Emmett and I improvised a story about how Emmett was going to try to convince Santa to still bring Alice presents, but one of the reindeer bit him and made him fall. Alice, to this day, has an unnatural fear of deer.

If that doesn’t drive you away from wanting to be a part of the Cullen family, I’m not sure what will.

I hope this letter reaches you by Friday. I can’t wait to hear your sweet voice again. It’s the sound that fills my dreams. Unfortunately, next week I will have to call my parents to reassure them that I haven’t died while at boot camp.

I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I miss you more each day.

Always Yours,

Edward

Whenever I thought of the letter, I giggled, which I was doing right now in the middle of camp. A few of the campers glanced at me, but at least I didn’t attract Angela’s attention. Last week we had started a new camp, Undersea Creatures, which wasn’t quite as much fun as Fairies and Fairytales, but at least it was something new. Even better, Lily was in my camp this week. Lily had explained, in enthusiastic detail, that she and her family had gone to Hawaii for two weeks, which was why she had been absent from camp. Unfortunately, that meant James was back too, and had been coming through the pickup line again this week, casually making conversation and thankfully not pushing for more. I wondered if he had finally gotten my not-so-subtle hint that I was not interested.

Angela had suggested going out for pizza with the other camp counselors again, tonight, and I agreed—with the condition that I would be home in time for Edward’s phone call. She had been coming around more, so I was hoping that meant Mike was getting over the worst of the trauma. She and I didn’t talk about it, and Mike still hadn’t called me—I figured he would, in time, if he wanted to. Eventually, we would be going to Dartmouth. Originally, that would have been together, but now…I just didn’t know. Meanwhile, Alice and Angela were busy trying to coordinate on-campus housing at CSU Monterey Bay. They had been talking on the phone, and although they had never met, they already had decided that it would be best for everyone if they were roommates. I was honestly jealous—I would have been happy to have either one of them for a roommate, but instead I was off to an uncertain future at Dartmouth, with Mike, my maybe-friend. I sighed.

The Phoenix heat was really starting to burn, now that it was July. The YMCA had erected shades over the pickup area, but I was out on pickup duty, clipboard and walkie-talkie in hand and feeling my skin getting crisper by the minute. James’ ridiculous red convertible was one of the last cars through the line today.

“Hello, Bella. Are you glad it’s Friday?” he asked, bright smile lighting his face and sunglasses hiding his eyes.

“Yes, I am,” I said, not trying to hide my enthusiasm. Friday was phone call day. He lingered a little as Lily climbed into the car. There was no one behind him, so he didn’t see any need to rush, apparently.

“Do you have plans tonight?” he asked, trying to act casual, but we had already been through this before.

“I do…going out with some of the camp counselors for pizza.”

“Really? What pizza place are you guys going to?” he asked, again a little too innocently.

“I don’t know. Angela’s setting it up.” And I wouldn’t tell you if I did, I added in my thoughts.

“Oh. Well, you should try Nick’s sometime. They have great pizza.” There was finally someone behind him in line. “Have fun! See you later, Bella.” He waved as he drove off, and I felt a little guilty about jumping to conclusions. He seemed like he was just being friendly, and honestly, he had been nice all week. I found myself waving goodbye.

Angela drove me home in her car, a red Audi that thankfully had air-conditioning, which we had decided was necessary in Phoenix in July. My truck spent most of its time resting at my parent’s house. As she parked to drop me off, she promised to pick me back up for pizza later. Before I got out, I hazarded bringing up the subject of Mike.

“Have you talked to Mike recently?” I asked, hand on the door, ready to cut this short if she didn’t want to talk about it.

“Yes,” she said, cautiously.

“I was just wondering,” I said. “You don’t have to tell me what he’s said, or anything, I just wanted to know how he was doing.” This felt very uncomfortable. I didn’t want to put Angela in the middle, but that was exactly what I was doing.

She took a deep breath and paused for a moment. “He’s doing better…a little better.”

I nodded. That was enough, for now. “I’ll see you around six?” I asked.

She smiled and nodded, thankful that I wasn’t asking more of her. I hopped out and hurried to check the mail as she drove away. Nothing. My heart sank a little, only slightly comforted by the fact that I would actually be talking to Edward tonight.

I consoled myself by re-reading his letter from yesterday, and writing one of my own for him. What he said about wanting to be a part of the Cullen family intrigued me, and I let my fantasies run wild about that. The fact that we weren’t even in the same state right now had no bearing on what was possible in my daydreams. I could see his mom and dad welcoming me to their home for Christmas. I imagined that the famous Dr. Cullen had some kind of mansion estate, and Edward was bringing me in the front door, arm-in-arm, home for the holidays. His mom embraced me and called me ‘dear’. The gorgeous Dr. Cullen hugged me as well. I wondered briefly if it was wrong to think of my possible-future-father-in-law as gorgeous, but it was a simple fact. They did have the beautiful-family genes all around. Alice, of course, would be Alice and would bounce up to me and put some silly Santa hat on my head, and I would tease her about looking out for biting reindeer. Emmett would wrap me up in a bear hug. And later, after hot chocolate was drunk, and everyone was nestled in their beds, Edward and I would sit in front of the fireplace and snuggle and kiss and kiss some more and…

My rampant daydream was interrupted by the doorbell. I wondered if I had completely dozed off, because it seemed too early for Angela to have returned. A quick glance at the clock showed it was only five thirty. Wondering who it could be, I skipped down the stairs, still basking in the glow of my thoughts of Edward. That came abruptly to a halt when I opened the door. It was James.

“Hi, Bella!” he said enthusiastically, sunglasses pushed up on his head, his blue eyes dancing.

“James,” I replied, frowning and tense, “what are you doing here?”

“I hope you don’t mind me stopping by,” he said, a sheepish smile on his face. “I was hoping to catch you before you went out with your friends.”

“Angela’s coming to pick me up soon,” I warned him, feeling very uncomfortable with him on my porch. I didn’t understand why he was here.

“I won’t keep you long,” he promised, “I just wanted to tell you something. I’ve been meaning to say this all week, but I never really seemed to find the right moment.” He shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. “I’m not really good at this, sometimes…this talking thing.”

I sighed and relaxed a little. I knew he wanted to talk to me, but he really hadn’t had much chance to do so—and he had been pleasant all week. “What did you want to tell me?” I asked, trying to be a little less tense. He seemed to relax, too.

“First, I wanted to tell you I was sorry for kind of acting like a jerk before.”

“Which time?” I asked, unable to completely hide my sarcasm.

“Ouch,” he said, recoiling slightly back as if I had slapped him on the face, and grinning while he did it. I had to smile slightly, because it was a little funny. “Okay, I deserved that. But I can take it. Here,” he said, jutting his jaw out slightly, inviting me to slap it for real, “if you want…it’s long overdue.”

I smiled for real this time, but kept my hands to myself.

“Seriously,” he went on, “It was not very cool, prying into your business…you know how you said you were working through some things?” I nodded, vaguely remembering that was just before my disastrous dinner with Mike. “Well, I was kind of working through some things, too, and…I wasn’t being very nice about it.”

I remembered thinking he had something he wanted to talk to me about, something that wasn’t just about going on a date, and I was kind of curious now what that had all been about. He at least seemed more reasonable now, whatever it had been that was bothering him before.

When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “So, look, how about if I drive you to meet your friends. I know I’ve said this before, but maybe we could talk a little on the way?” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, holding it out to me. “You could call Angela and tell her I’ll bring you instead. That way she’ll know we’re coming.”

I looked uncertainly at him. I didn’t want to spend time alone with him, but we were already alone on the porch and he seemed okay. If I finally gave him a chance to talk, maybe that could be the end of it, and he would stop thinking this might be something more than it is. When I didn’t reach out and take the phone right away, he pulled it back, saying, “Or not, if you’re not comfortable with it. Maybe another time?”

He was letting me have the option of saying ‘no’, and somehow that made the difference to me. I pulled my own cell phone out of my pocket and said, “I’ll call Angela and tell her you’re bringing me. But that’s it, okay?”

A smile broke out on his face, and I could see this was just what he was hoping for, which made me slightly nervous. Angela picked up right away.

“Hey, Ang, where are we going for pizza tonight?” I asked.

“Victoria’s, why?”

“James is going to give me a ride over there, so I’ll meet you there,” I said, knowing what was coming next.

“What??” she asked, outraged. “Bella, you can’t be serious…”

“Yes, I am,” I said, cutting her off. “We’re leaving now,” I said, looking at James, who was nodding, “so we’ll be there soon. You’ll meet me there, right?”

“Bella!” she said, exasperated. “This…this…isn’t good.” She was casting about for some way to talk me out of this, but she needed to trust that I could handle this.

“It’s fine, Ang…I’ll see you soon.” I hung up, and noticed James’ red convertible hiding behind my beastly truck in the driveway. “Okay, we’re meeting at Victoria’s.”

His smile hadn’t dimmed and he swept his hand out, letting me lead the way to his car. As I climbed in, it was like sitting down in a tiny shoebox, it was so low to the ground. He had the top up, to keep in the air-conditioning, and the engine purred quietly as he turned it on. Some soft music was playing, and I had a feeling he had planned that part, too.

As we pulled out of my driveway, I got right to it. “So, what did you want to talk to me about, James?”

He looked sideways at me, looking me up and down and seeming to be very satisfied having me in his car. A victory for him, I supposed, as he had wanted to get me alone to talk for weeks now. I sighed, hoping this wasn’t a mistake like Angela thought, and looked at him expectantly.

Finally, he said, “You’re still going to Dartmouth in the fall, right?”

Words escaped me for a moment. Of course I was still going to Dartmouth in the fall. I was sure he knew that I was going—even last fall we had talked about it. Naturally, he had heard that I had gotten in—it wasn’t that big of a school. I had been accepted, so of course I was going to go. Wasn’t I? Then why couldn’t I answer?

“Um, yeah, that’s the plan,” I stumbled, wondering why my heart was lurching like that.

“Me too,” he said softly, looking at me to see my reaction. My eyes went wide. As far as I knew, Mike and I were the only ones who had been accepted to Dartmouth from our school. I looked anew at his car. How much money did his family have? Could he have gotten in on a legacy admission? My head was starting to spin.

“Really?” I eked out. This just encouraged him.

“Yeah. I just found out a little while ago.” He looked at me again with a soft expression on his face. “Bella, all along I’ve felt like there was some kind of connection between us. I know you’re not dating anyone…” he said, a gentle admonishment in his voice, as if he had caught me lying to him.

I stared at him. “What? Have you been…watching me?” I asked, horrified.

He laughed a little self-consciously. “You make it sound so creepy, Bella. I’ve just been looking out for you. I know Mike’s heartbroken over you, so you’re obviously not dating him. And I know you go home every night after camp and don’t go out again, so it’s not hard to figure out.” He smiled that sheepish smile, but there was a little too much wolf behind it. He was seriously creeping me out now.

“James, you’re stalking me??” The horror of it was sinking in, and I was wondering how far it was to Victoria’s.

“I’m not stalking you!” he said, getting a little angry. He took a deep breath, and thankfully we pulled into Victoria’s parking lot. I was considering bolting from the car as soon as he stopped. After a moment, he continued, “Bella, I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t already involved with someone else. I thought I had blown it with you last fall, and then when I saw you this summer…it just seemed like we were given another chance. And then my Dartmouth admission finally came through. Don’t you see? It’s like we’re supposed to be together. If you just give it a chance, you’ll see…” His eyes were shining now, and my head was spinning like a mad Ferris wheel.

“We’re not supposed to be together James. I told you, I’m not going out with you.” He had stopped the car in front of the door to Victoria’s. I could see the gang of counselors seated in the window by the front door, only ten yards away. I was pretty sure I could make a run for it. “Goodbye James,” I said, hand already on the door and yanking it open.

“Bella, wait!” he said in a panicked voice, grabbing my arm and pulling me back inside the car. I angrily shook his hand off my arm and glared at him, trembling from the tension and adrenaline pulsing through my body. He looked stricken, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“Don’t touch me again!” I spat at him, slowly enunciating each word and causing him to cringe away from me. In the next instant, his door flew open and someone yanked him out of the car and threw him down onto the pavement. I gasped involuntarily and jumped out of my still half-open door to see what had happened. I saw Mike standing over James, who was lying crumpled on the pavement, looking defeated. Mike looked like he was ready to pummel him, and James reflexively had a hand up to protect his face.

“Mike, don’t!” I yelled, not wanting this to become any worse than it already was. Mike’s head jerked up at me, red fury on his face.

James took that opportunity to taunt him. “You think you’re her boyfriend, Mike? Well, guess again!” Mike’s head snapped back to James. He reached down toward James and I was afraid he was going to hit him. Instead, he grabbed him by the shirt, hauling him up to his feet and slamming him back against the tiny car, bending him backwards over the soft roof.

“I’m not her boyfriend, I’m her friend,” growled Mike through clenched teeth. “And you,” he said, slamming him against the roof again, straining the taut soft fabric of it, “are neither!” Mike shoved him back into the driver’s seat of the car and stepped back. “Get out of here,” he said low and soft, full of menace and unspoken threat.

James pulled his door shut, angrily, and I closed the passenger side as well, stepping wide away from the car. He screeched out of the parking lot and was gone. I stood, shaking, looking at Mike across twenty feet of empty parking lot where the car had just stood.

“We need to talk,” Mike said, anger still rattling his voice.

EPOV

Phone privilege had finally arrived, and I stood in the line of recruits waiting to use the phone, trying not to listen in to the private conversation of the recruit in front of me. It wasn’t hard as my thoughts were occupied with what to say to Bella. Somehow, all the important things I wanted to say were easier to say in my letters. On the phone, it was more like just being together…it almost didn’t matter the words that we said, as long as she was saying something, and the sound of her voice would implant in my mind and hold me until the next time. I was already dreading having to go without talking to her next week, but that couldn’t be avoided.

The perpetual waiting of this long-distance romance was slowly driving me mad. I ran my hand through my hair—it was finally getting long enough for that nervous habit of mine to come back. If Jasper hadn’t offered up use of his time slot, we really wouldn’t have any time to talk at all. Allowing Jasper a moment or two to talk to Bella seemed like a small price to pay. I wasn’t jealous of him, so much as leery of what he might say about me in that few moments they had each week. Jasper was quickly becoming my best friend, and I actually trusted him more than I wanted to admit. In spite of being a ridiculous flirt and prankster, he really seemed to like to make people…happy. It was almost like he got a vicarious thrill out of giving people the things they most desired. And the thing I most desired right now was for this recruit in front of me to finish his call.

When he was finally done, I dialed Bella’s number. It rang several times before she picked up, putting me already on edge. She usually picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?” The uncertain sound of her voice pushed me over the edge into full-fledged doubt.

“Bella, what’s wrong?” I demanded.

She seemed to be holding back tears on the other end of the line, and my heart sank. What had happened?

“Bella, please, tell me what happened…” I added more softly when she didn’t answer right away, and completely unable to keep the pain out of my voice. My mind was whirling with possibilities…was she mad at me? Was she hurt? Did I miss something in the letters?

“Edward, I’m fine,” she choked out, seeming to recover her voice a little. “There was this guy…James…he was stalking me…” she trailed off, having a hard time saying the words.

What?? “Did he hurt you?” I gasped. Please no…

“No, no, I’m fine, Edward, really,” she was trying to reassure me now, but it wasn’t working. My panic was just getting started. “He just upset me, that’s all.”

The anger welling up in me made my voice gravelly and harsh. “What did he do?”

“He just had this demented idea that we belonged together, and was following me. It’s okay, Mike stopped him and I don’t think he’ll be back again.” Mike…my dormant jealousy raged forth, mixed with the anger, and I was speechless for a moment. I clutched the phone, feeling like I wanted to hit something with it.

“Mike…stopped…him…from what?” I choked out, almost unable to tolerate saying the words.

“Nothing, he wasn’t going to hurt me. He just grabbed my arm, to stop me from leaving. Honestly, Edward, I don’t think he would have done anything to me. Mike just straightened him out so he won’t bother me anymore.” She seemed like she was worried about how I was reacting to this, but I couldn’t think about that right now. All I could think was that I wasn’t there. Some guy was bothering her and I wasn’t there to stop it. Guilt was thrown into the chaos of emotions that was wracking my body.

“Wait…” I stopped, just realizing what she said. “Anymore? Has he bothered you before?”

Now she sounded guilty. “It was a long time ago…and then he started trying to see me again this summer…I didn’t think it was important…I didn’t want to worry you…”

“Is there anything else you’re not telling me?” I burst out, now completely unable to contain my anger.

“No, Edward…no…” She was crying now. I had made her cry. God, I was an idiot.

“Bella, I’m sorry,” I said, all emotion draining from me now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. This isn’t your fault.”

“Edward, I’m sorry, I should have told you…Oh, Edward, I wish you were here…” she was crying outright, and I was a miserable wretch for having done that to her—first I wasn’t there, now I was making her feel worse.

“Bella, I wish I was there so much. I’m sorry I’m not…I’m sorry I’m not there to take care of you.”

“Please don’t be mad…I…I can’t take it if you’re mad…” She sounded so frail. I pounded my own head with the phone. Idiot.

“I’m not mad, Bella, I promise…I not mad at you…I’m mad at myself for not being there, and I want to kill this creep that scared you.” This seemed to stop the crying a little.

“Are you sure?”

“I am quite sure I want to kill him, yes,” I tried to lighten it a little, although I was seething inside, not sure how much longer I could keep this going. She seemed to breathe a small sigh of relief. “I, um, have to go. My time is up. Jasper will call you back in just a minute, okay?”

“You’re not mad?” she asked, still unsure.

“I’m not mad at you, Bella. I love you,” I choked on the words, the turmoil threatening to break out again. I needed to get off the phone, quickly. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Bye.” She sounded very uncertain.

“Bye,” I said and hung up the phone, realizing that my hand was shaking. I turned away from the phone wall, a red haze of anger clouding my mind. Jasper was staring at me from across the room with wide eyes, arms folded across his chest and body tense. The look on his face became more horrified as I stumbled over to him.

“What happened?” he asked, looking all over my face and body, doing that scanning thing that he does that annoys the hell out of me.

“Agh!” was all I could get out before I slammed my palm flat against the wall. I had intentionally held back from hitting it with my fist, because I probably would have put a hole through it. I had that much self-control, at least.

Jasper glanced around, making sure I hadn’t attracted the attention of anyone in charge. Luckily they were all out taking a smoke or whatever the hell they did when they weren’t harassing us.

“Is Bella okay?” he demanded from me in a whisper.

“Yeah, I think so,” I conceded, losing some of the steam of my anger. She was okay, she called me and she sounded like she was okay…until I made her cry. Idiot. My anger and frustration were threatening to take control again.

“Tell me what happened,” he commanded in a tone I had not heard from him before. It brought me up short and cleared my head a little. I briefed him on what Bella had said. He was examining me again, which annoyed me, but I knew I needed his help on this, to sort it out, so I didn’t reach out and punch him like I wanted to.

“So…” he said slowly, piecing it together, “some guy was stalking Bella, her friend Mike ran him off, and you got angry at her. Have I got that right?” He was staring at me steadily with those icy blue eyes.

“I’m an idiot, alright? We’ve established that,” I threw back at him. His stern face softened and he almost smiled at me, which completely baffled me. He reached up and smacked me lightly on the side of my head.

“You’re a love sick idiot, true. But mostly, you’re hurt and scared. You need to stop being so worried she’s going to leave you, and make sure you grovel enough to keep her,” he said softly to me. I stared at him, open mouthed. I was worried Bella was going to leave me. She would go off to Dartmouth with that Mike character, and since I wasn’t around to do even the most basic job of protecting her from crazed ex-boyfriends, I was sure Mike would step up to the plate…and I would lose her.

“Jasper, maybe she’s better off without me,” I whispered, dejected. “I can’t be there to protect her. She’ll just end up…” I couldn’t even say it.

“Well, you could make sure she ends up in Mike’s arms by not calling her back. Or, you could kiss her angel feet and beg for forgiveness and hope like hell she loves you enough to take you back. Choice’s yours.” He was staring steadily at me again, cold blue eyes boring into me. I was sure Jasper was right, which just made me angry.

“Of course I’m calling her back. Don’t be stupid.”

“Like I said. And, no, I’ll be calling her back. You need to pull yourself together, son, and I’ll let you know when you can speak with her.” Then he strode over to the phone bank, found an empty phone and started dialing, leaving me speechless and watching helplessly.

BPOV

I had spent several minutes cradling the phone, waiting to for it to ring, when I realized that Jasper wasn’t calling me back…at least right away. My hand was shaking when I finally set the phone down, convinced that Edward was horribly mad at me. So angry that he couldn’t bring himself to call me back. A little panicky feeling clutched at the back of my throat. Why didn’t I tell him about James earlier?

This was turning into the Titanic of days, slow moving, wreaking unstoppable destruction throughout my life. First James was stalking me, and then Mike was angry at me, and now Edward was too. I was going down without a life vest in the chilly waters. Mike’s idea of talking to me, after James had sped away in his trust-fund sports car, was to angrily demand why I had let James drive me to dinner, and to further explain that if James ever went near me again, he would beat the hell out of him, no matter what I said, so don’t bother telling him to stop next time. I only realized later that Angela had talked Mike into coming to dinner so that we could try to talk and be friends again. She had tried to patch things up and I had ruined it, utterly.

And Edward…I had never heard him so angry before—it frightened me. And he was angry at me—for not telling him about James, for keeping things from him. And it was true—I hadn’t told him, partly because I didn’t want to worry him and partly because it was embarrassing. I didn’t want to tell him the whole sordid story. It was easier to just ignore James and hope he would go away. And now…and now…I had ruined everything. I put my head in my hands, feeling the tears start to come back again, when the phone rang and made me just about jump out of my skin.

I shakily picked the phone up and clicked it on. “Hello?”

“Bella, honey, are you okay?” It was Jasper, and his soft sweet voice was like a smooth blanket over my shaking nerves.

“Y-Yeah…Jasper, how mad is he?” I begged.

“He’s not mad at you, sugar. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not hurt?” His soft, lilting voice was calming me down.

“I’m okay. He’s so upset with me, Jasper…”

“Hush now, Bella darlin’. He’s not upset with you. He’s upset with himself. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

I didn’t really. Why would Edward be upset with himself? “Um…”

“He needs to hear that you love him, honey. Can you tell him that?” His voice was sweet persuasion, but his words weren’t making any sense. Edward knows I love him.

“Yeah,” I agreed tentatively, not at all sure why.

“He needs to hear that from you, right now, because he’s afraid he’s going to lose you.”

“What? Why?” Jasper wasn’t making any sense at all.

“I’m going to let him explain that to you, sweetheart. Just go easy on him, okay? And no more crying…I don’t want to have a crying recruit on this end to clean up. Can you help me out with that?” That honey coated drawl was working on me. I didn’t fight it.

I took a deep breath before agreeing, “Okay,” and wondering if I could keep that promise.

“Good girl. Alright, here he is.” After several seconds passed, Edward was on the phone.

“Bella, I am so sorry I yelled at you. You’ve had a horrible night and I was just the biggest jerk. I wish so much that I was there, and could take care of you…it’s killing me, Bella…” Edward was gushing into the phone and I had to make him stop.

“Edward, I love you,” I said, interrupting him.

“What?” he said, not apparently hearing or maybe comprehending.

When I was sure he was listening, I repeated it slowly and with emphasis, so he would know I meant it. “I love you.” I heard him breathe heavily out, almost a sob, and I remembered my promise to Jasper not to cry…or make him cry.

“Look, if I promise to tell you about all the crazy men stalking me, will you promise not to leave me for some pretty female recruit?” I tried valiantly to keep my voice light, hoping it would keep us both from breaking down into tears.

At that he gave a short laugh, but it sounded more like a gasp, and said, “There are no pretty female recruits here, Bella.”

“I don’t believe that was a promise,” I teased him, but wondering for the first time how many female recruits there were.

“Well, if I promise to tell you about all the pretty female recruits, will you promise not to leave me for all the men who are competing for your affections?” He was trying to sound joking, but there was a strain in his voice.

“I promise. You know, on second thought, I don’t really want to hear about all the pretty female recruits—just the ones that want to date you. I’m going to put Jasper onto them.”

“Don’t worry, he’s already found them.” He was truly laughing now.

“Ah ha! I thought you said there weren’t any…” My heart was soaring now, in spite of the new found worry of female recruits at boot camp. He was still mine, and he still loved me.

“Bella,” he said suddenly serious. “There’s no one I want but you.”

“I know,” I replied, “because I know exactly how you feel.”

He sighed and it sounded like contentment. “I have to go now,” he said softly.

“I know,” I repeated. “I love you, Edward.”

“I love you, too, Bella.”

I sighed as I heard the click on the other end, and just held the phone to my ear for a while longer, not wanting to break the connection between us. Somehow this was going to work. Somehow I was going to make this work—find a way for us to be together, because anything less would simply be horribly, tragically wrong.

Dearest Readers,

What do you think? Did James get his due? What do you think of Jasper’s intervention? I don’t know about you, but I have a feeling things are going to work out okay for Bella and Edward…

Reviews make me happy!

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Chapter: 17

Chapter 17 – Decisions

Dearest Readers,

Sorry for the wait on this chapter – real life has a way of interfering with my writing on occasion. Anyhow, here it is…enjoy!

EPOV

In the week since I last talked to Bella, or rather yelled at Bella and then groveled for her to forgive me, I felt a strange sense of ease. My greatest fear, about losing her to someone else a thousand miles away, had been forced to the surface and smacked back down by those simple words from her lips…I love you. I was so giddy with the realization that she was really still mine, that if I hadn’t been in a room full of testosterone pumped recruits I would have been tempted to kiss Jasper for his help. Well, hug him at least. As it was, I settled for thanking him for saving my neck.

Something else happened this week, although I couldn’t decide when it did, exactly. It just stole over me, until I realized it today, while I was contemplating our trip to the Gas Chamber this afternoon. I was finally starting to feel like a sailor…and a soldier. Not only could I survive boot camp, but I felt like I could actually do well at this. There was a confidence that was settling in me, like I had found a place where I could measure up and do something right, a feeling that had escaped me most of my time in Forks. Perhaps it had been the live round firing on Tuesday, when I had shot over 40 rounds and managed not to kill anything other than my target. Maybe it was the anti-terrorism briefings we had been having all week in Petty Officer Reynolds’ class. It could simply be that my uniform fit and my hair was longer than most of the recruits, fresh waves of whom arrived every week, nearly bald and looking scared. Jasper and I laughed, not so kindly, while the chief yelled mainly at them, instead of us. It felt good.

We had received lots of instruction about the Confidence Chamber test we were about to take, but even Jasper seemed a little leery of it. Let’s face it—no one wants to take off their gas mask and inhale tear gas just for the fun of it. Sickly yellow lights lit the windowless hallway as we marched in. Our entire division lined up along the walls, waiting for our turn through the chamber, somberly standing silent and watching the division before us come out, coughing, gagging and some of them losing their lunch. I had remembered to go light on lunch today.

We had practiced putting on our gas masks before, in the classroom and in drills back at the barracks, but that was when we had all the time in the world to get it right. Inside the chamber we would have 30 seconds while Chief McMillan lit the tear gas pellet. The normal joking that occurred whenever the RDC’s weren’t around was absent as we waited. The light went green above the chamber door and we filed in, the entire division standing in rows one after another. At six weeks, we were finally able to do that without stumbling. Chief McMillan passed us our masks as we came in, and we all stood, masks in hand, awaiting the signal. I could swear that the chief dropped the pellet before we were instructed to don our masks, because just before the signal came, a whiff of that acrid smell drifted across my face and my eyes started to water—which made donning the gas mask just that much more difficult, given that I couldn’t see.

I closed my eyes, since they were useless anyway, frantically putting the mask on by feel and remembering not to breathe until it was fully on. That first gasping breath that I sucked in was still full of gas. I panicked before I realized that the mask must have already filled with gas before I put it on. Blindly feeling all around the seal, I could tell it was tight, although I still couldn’t see anything with tears running down my face and pooling in the bottom of the mask. I calmed a little when the air seemed to clear, having apparently already breathed in all the remaining gas. The mask now seemed to be functioning properly, allowing only stale rubber-smelling air to make it to my lungs, a vast improvement.

I waited my turn as the chief went down the line, barking at recruits to remove their masks. His orders were muffled by his own gas mask, but he made his intent known. My eyes had cleared a little, so I could just make out his blurry form through the glass eyeholes of the mask. When he reached me, I took a deep breath, pulled the mask off as quickly as I could, removed the filter cartridge, threw it in the trash basket the chief held in front of me, and shouted, “Seaman Recruit Edward Cullen, Division 535!” while trying not to breathe any of the tear gas that filled the room. It was impossible. The gas seeped in my eyes, nose and mouth, causing me to cough and gasp in more gas, which just made it worse. Tears were streaming down my face again as I stumbled out of the chamber, following the recruit who had just fled for the sweet freedom of the hallway before me.

Out in the relatively clear air of the hall were dozens of recruits coughing and gagging. I managed to keep my lunch down and my eyes started to uncloud pretty quickly. Jasper came stumbling out, only a few seconds behind me. He looked like an absolute wreck and I started laughing and couldn’t stop, still hacking extra gas out of my lungs. The rest of the recruits were too busy trying to keep their lunches to bother with the two of us, laughing hysterically, hands on our knees and spitting out gas flavored saliva.

After the Confidence Chamber, we were let off the hook for afternoon PT and instead started fire fighting drills, preparing for next week’s Battle Stations training. Battle Stations was a comprehensive review of all we had learned about being sailors, and looked to actually be enjoyable.

The afternoon passed quickly and before I knew it, it was evening and we were waiting our turn for phone privileges. There would be no talking to Bella this week, and it was depressing me more than I wanted to admit. After last week’s phone call, I had started thinking about how we could be together. I couldn’t come up with much. I was committed to boot camp, and then two years at the Defense Language Institute, and then at least two years commitment serving after that, who knew where. She was going to Dartmouth for at least four years to get her degree. Maybe she would visit me in California in the summers? Possibly, I could take a leave and come to Dartmouth for a while. The idea of an endless stretch without seeing her was beginning to eat away at me. It wasn’t that I loved her any less. If anything, I was more in love with her with each letter she wrote, each time I spoke to her. I was finally getting to know her, the way I yearned to do during those four magical days on the boat, and every new thing I discovered about her intrigued me and made me want to know more and more. It made me want to be with her even more intensely. The days were completely filled with drills and training, and yet they were empty unless there was a letter or phone call at the end.

But even that was not enough for me, and it never would be. One week without a phone call was hard enough—four years of phone calls and letters, with an occasional visit, seemed like an eternity. I didn’t know if I could endure it. I wasn’t worried that I might fall out of love with Bella, or find someone else, although I was less certain about her. I had known enough girls, been around long enough to know that girls like Bella were one in a million—and I had found her. The more I thought about it, I was certain that she was the only woman I would ever love. But for her…I was reassured for now, but in time…she was younger than me, and I had a feeling she was less…experienced. The cringe in my heart still said that in time, she might find someone else—or they would find her. I knew all too well how irresistible she was, and I obviously wasn’t the only one. Even if she remained in love with me through four years of constant separation, it would still be heartbreaking to endure the endless waiting and time without her. It would hurt…a lot.

Perhaps it would be better once I was out of boot camp and we could talk more frequently. Maybe the occasional visit would be enough to carry us through. If I could find a way to be stationed near her school after I graduated from DLI, then it would only be two years, not four. In any event, I had to keep thinking about it, keep trying to come up with some way we could be together the way we were meant to be. I had to keep hoping, or I might go mad in the mean time.

I moved up in line as the recruit farther ahead of me finished his call, and Jasper moved up as well. Jasper had finally come up with someone he wanted to call, so I was stuck with having only one fifteen minute phone privilege this week. I was pretty sure he had saved it for when I wouldn’t be calling Bella, for which I was grateful to him, once again. Jasper’s unwavering support of my long-distance affair with Bella continued to amaze me, and I should have shown my appreciation by keeping my nose out of his business, but it was killing me to know who he was going to call. I really didn’t want to pry, knowing that Jasper would tell me if he had wanted me to know, but curiosity got the better of me.

“So, who are you calling?” I asked, trying not to show that I was dying to know. We were standing side by side in line, waiting for the recruits ahead of us to finish up.

He shrugged. “A friend of mine. He’s helping me set up accommodations once we get to DLI,” he replied.

“Aren’t we spending the first few weeks in lock down at the Presidio?” I said, somewhat confused. Since this was our ‘A’ school, our first long-term duty assignment out of boot camp, we were going to be restricted to the Presidio of Monterey, where DLI was located, for the first few weeks. We would be living in the barracks there, not unlike here at boot camp, and would only have weekend liberty privileges. I had assumed we would be assigned housing after that.

“Yeah, but you’re going to need some place to live after that. The Navy’s not going to take care of you hand and foot, son, you’ve got to figure some of this out for yourself.” He was teasing me now, I could see, but I wasn’t sure about which part.

“Well, where are you staying?” I asked, assuming that Jasper would have worked out the best deal possible already. That’s just how it seemed to go with him.

“I’m going to check, but I think I may have secured some quarters for us at Fort Ord,” he replied with a smile.

“Us?” I asked, surprised that I was a part of this plan.

“Unless you’d rather take your chances on a new bunkmate…” he shrugged, but I could tell that he was hoping I would say ‘yes’. Of course, there was no way I was going to pass up a chance to room with Jasper.

“I’d just have to break him in…” I said, grinning. “Hey, wait…did you say, Fort Ord?”

He nodded, eyebrows arched. “That’s where my sister’s going…” I trailed off, wondering how that could be. I remembered Alice saying something in her last letter about setting up campus housing with Bella’s friend Angela at Fort Ord. “I think that CSU Monterey Bay is located on, or maybe near, Fort Ord. Alice said she was rooming there with a friend. Maybe they converted part of the military base for campus housing.”

At this, Jasper looked extremely interested. “Are you saying they’ve berthed thousands of sailors, marines and airmen on the same campus housing thousands of college coeds?” he asked, a look of amazement on his face.

“It would appear so,” I said, grinning at his obvious interest.

“Sweet mercy.”

I laughed at the look of wonder on his face, and then realized that it would be a lot easier to look out for Alice if I was virtually on the same campus with her. Then again, she would also be on the same campus with thousands of young soldiers. I frowned, realizing I had no actual ability to look out for Alice, if she didn’t want looking out for, which she surely did not. It was just our mom’s delusional thinking that anyone could keep Alice under wraps.

As I pondered this, the recruit in front of me finished up his call, and I stepped up to dial home. Mom answered, and I spent the first five minutes apologizing for not calling for weeks, and telling her all about how Bella was doing, although I had already said everything I wanted to say in my letters. They were fond of Bella, so I didn’t mind telling them that we were writing and calling, but I didn’t want to go much further than that. I didn’t know what they would make of this romance we were having, and I didn’t want to explain that I had no idea what the future held for us—even though I was committed to making sure there was one, somehow. Thankfully, Alice asked to be put on the phone.

“Hey, cute stuff!”

“Hey, junior sprite!”

“Don’t call me that,” she said, pretending to be put out.

“I’ll stop—just as soon as you start growing,” I said, smirking into the phone. It was really good to hear her voice, even if I had to give up a phone night with Bella.

“Be nice, or I won’t tell you my brilliant plan,” she pouted.

“Does your brilliant plan include me?” I asked, feigning horror at the thought.

“You and Bella…” she said, turning coy.

I immediately stopped joking and said, “Okay, fabulous little sister, what are you talking about?”

“Well…” she teased.

“I’ve only got a limited time here, Alice. Don’t make me beg.”

“Okay, since you asked so nicely…you know how we’re all planning on flying down for your graduation?” she asked, innocently.

“Uh, no, actually, Mom failed to mention that,” I said, although I had suspected as much. I was still planning on playing in the band, just for that purpose.

“Well, they are. Prepare yourself, because Mom’s going to be all mom-ish on you,” she warned—as if I didn’t know that already. “But, since I’m going to need a car while I’m at Monterey Bay, if I’m going to be able to do any shopping at all, I’m going to be driving my car down to Corpus Christi.”

“That’s your brilliant plan?” I asked, wondering what this had to do with me, or Bella for that matter.

“Oh, no. My brilliant plan is the part where I pick you up and drive you to Monterey Bay…with a small detour in Phoenix, which just happens to be on the way.” I could practically hear her glowing through the phone.

I was speechless for a few seconds. I was going to get to see Bella…soon. “Alice, there aren’t words to describe how awesome you are.”

“I know,” she reveled in my praise. “I do have one condition, though.”

My mind was spinning with the thought of being able to see Bella in—what? I was quickly doing the math in my head. Two weeks to graduation, one day to drive…I would be there two weeks from tomorrow if we drove straight through. I just barely registered that Alice had said something.

“Huh? Condition?” I echoed, wondering what she was up to.

“I just want to have a little, teeny bit of time with Bella, too. You can’t keep her all to yourself the entire time.”

An entirely reasonable request, especially given that she was driving thousands of miles out of her way, and I knew that Alice loved Bella, too. But somehow I still didn’t want to agree to even a moment away from her. I could already tell I was going to be horribly greedy when I was there, images racing ahead in my mind about seeing her again. I would agree to just about anything to have this happen.

“Alice, my favorite sister, whatever you want is yours. Just please don’t make me suffer too much.”

“I’m your only sister, and you know I like to make you suffer. But I won’t make Bella suffer, so don’t worry. Well, I gotta go. Mom wants to talk to you again. See you in two weeks!”

Two weeks…I could hardly believe it. I stumbled through the rest of my call with Mom, unsure if she was briefed on Alice’s insanely wonderful plan. My head was still whirling when I got off the phone. Jasper had already finished up his call and was waiting for me.

“Good news!” he said. “We have spacious two-bedroom accommodations at the playland otherwise known as Fort Ord…” he trailed off as he saw my face. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked, looking surprised.

“Wrong?” I repeated, still a little dazed, images of Bella running dangerously through my head—Bella greeting me at the door of her house…kissing me hello…pulling me inside. “Nothing’s wrong.” I shook my head to clear it. “I’m going to see Bella. Alice is coming down with the car at graduation and driving me to Monterey Bay…and we’re stopping in Phoenix.” It still didn’t seem real, even as the words were coming out of my mouth. I was going to see Bella… “Hey!” I added. “You should come with us! You could meet Bella!” Jasper could finally meet the mysterious object of my affections, after all his efforts to help us both. This plan was looking better all the time.

He stared at me, thinking for a moment, no doubt trying not to laugh at the stupid grin that had formed on my face, as soon as Alice had told me about her idea, and was still plastered there.

“So,” Jasper started slowly, “you want me to give up my liberty weekend after graduation, drive over 20 hours in a car to get to California, when I could take a short four hour plane ride, and all I get out of it is a chance to meet your girlfriend and watch the two of you make eyes at each other?” he asked, looking skeptical.

“Well, when you put it that way…” I said, frowning and wondering why I had thought he might want to come along. It seemed like a good idea at the time…

He broke into a smile. He was teasing me again and I had completely missed it, my mind was so befuddled. “Don’t be silly, son—I wouldn’t miss it!”

BPOV

The last week and a half seemed to fly by and at the same time crawl on its knees begging for the agony to end. My mind had been working furiously since my last phone call with Edward, trying to figure out how we could be together, and all my thinking seemed to speed time up. Being separated from him was, of course, the agonizing part, and not getting my Friday phone call relief had made it worse. Angela had come over last Friday, bringing an armload of movies for us to pick through, so at least I wasn’t alone when the phone call didn’t come. She was a great friend, knowing just what to do and say, which was why I had asked her to meet me for dinner tonight. I needed to get some of the rumbling thoughts I had running around in my mind out of my head, and I needed her sage advice about them. She seemed more than happy to meet me for dinner, and surprisingly uncurious, although that was the way she was normally. It was only recently, with all the drama in my crazy life, that she had started to step in and gently tell me what I should do.

The Phoenix heat continued to burn, with even the tumbleweeds finally giving up and letting loose down the highway, trying to escape the oppressiveness of it. Angela’s car was getting quite the workout with driving her and me everywhere…I needed to remember to put gas in it the next time we were out. I didn’t want her to have to foot the bill for shuttling me around everywhere, just because my wreck of a truck didn’t have air conditioning. We had stayed late at camp today, helping out in the after-hours supervision of the late pickups, so we were going to go straight to dinner at a little Thai place I had been wanting to try. She obliged my mailbox obsession by stopping by my house first, so I could see if there was mail from Edward. Thankfully, there was, not only because I literally lived for his letters, but because I didn’t feel so guilty about making us go out of our way.

The Thai place looked perfect, a little dark but smelling wonderful. We each picked out a noodle bowl dish and were waiting for our order to be called. She was looking at me with a serious and thoughtful expression, and I was just about to broach the subject I had brought her here for, when she spoke up first.

“Bella, I’m glad you suggested dinner tonight, because there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she started. A sudden dread filled me. I was afraid she was going to want me to talk to Mike again, try to patch things over. I had wanted to do that ever since he came to my rescue with James, but there never seemed to be an easy time when we were simply around each other to make it happen. I was busy with camp. He was busy with baseball and work at his dad’s shop. We just didn’t cross paths anymore, which made me a little sad as well. But I knew that day of reckoning was coming soon.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to Mike,” I said, trying to get the jump start on it, “and I promise I will. Just let me find the right time, okay?” I decided pleading was probably the better way to go.

She smiled, shaking her head a little. “Well, good, you really need to do that. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” Uh-oh. It was something worse than Mike. Angela never brought up things like this…ever, in all the time that I had known her, which was pretty much my entire life. I had a nervous twitch in my stomach as I waited.

She took a deep breath, as if she was trying to make sure she remembered just what she wanted to say. “Bella, I know it’s your life, and I would never tell you how to live it, or what you should do. That’s your decision. I just wanted to tell you something that, well, I’ve kind of noticed about you and I don’t think you, well, see about yourself.” The nerves were about to kill me know. She was obviously hedging and nervous about this. It must really be awful. She was the best friend I had, so I tried to make it a little easier for her to hit me with whatever she had.

“Angela, just tell me, please. You know you’re my best friend, right? Whatever it is, you can tell me.” My internal feeling of terror must have reached my face or my voice, because she was instantly contrite.

“No, no, Bella, it’s not like that,” she said, reaching over to reassuringly pat my hand, which was nervously quivering on the table. Why was I so incredibly on edge? Maybe it had more to do with what I wanted to tell her, than the other way around. “This summer,” she continued, “while you’ve been working at camp with me, I’ve noticed something. You’re really great with the kids, Bella. You seem to be really happy when you’re working with them. I know you’re still thinking about what to major to take in the fall. I think you should be a teacher, Bella. You’d be great at it.”

The air went out of me in relief. That was it? “Angela, why would you worry about telling me that?” I couldn’t help asking.

“I know you’ve been, well, wrapped up in Edward,” she said, glancing at the letter that was waiting, unopened on the table. I was planning on sharing it with her, as long as there wasn’t anything too, um, steamy in there. A few of the things Edward wrote tended to get my heart racing, and it wouldn’t do to read that aloud at the Thai restaurant. “However,” she continued, “you do still have a life to consider, you know, outside of boys,” she teased. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget that. And besides, I really do think you would make a great teacher, Bella. The kids adore you, and you get so into teaching them all about your poems and books.” Angela was not the fan of literature that I was, preferring current events in her search for journalistic truth. But she was right that I enjoyed the kids—everything was new in their eyes and their excitement was infectious. Having a chance to bring something new and wonderful to them, to broaden their minds and their world, sounded really satisfying to me.

“I do like it, more than I thought I would,” I admitted. “And, actually, that’s part of why I wanted to talk to you tonight.” Her eyebrows lifted in surprise, and I was dreading the look that was going to come next. “About college, in the fall. I’m thinking about not going to Dartmouth.”

Now she looked shocked, as I knew she would. And she jumped to the next conclusion, because my friend is no dummy. “You want to go be with Edward,” she stated, not bothering to make it a question, just a clarification. I nodded. And that’s where my agony started again. I knew it was wrong to give up going to Dartmouth, just to follow a boy—but I couldn’t convince my heart of that, and the war raging between my heart and my head was about to tear me apart.

“Your mom is going to kill you,” she added, but she looked thoughtful, not angry, and I was so relieved I let out the air that I had been holding in. This is what I needed…I needed Angela to help me think this through, come up with the right decision. I had been trying for a week and a half and kept going back and forth in my own head. I had been working for years to get to Dartmouth—getting there had informed every decision I made, every class I took, and every grade I’d worked for. It was my mom’s source of endless pride in me. I couldn’t just throw it away—my mom wouldn’t just be upset. I wasn’t sure if she would actually forgive me. And to do it just to follow a boy to the West coast was the ultimate in bad decision making—at least that was the way my mom would look at it. I would be doing exactly what she did wrong, the thing she had been trying to make sure I never did—giving up my future for a boy. But when I thought of going to Dartmouth in the fall, of moving farther away from Edward, with years of separation looming ahead of us…I didn’t know if I could bear it. Eventually, he would meet someone, or he would slowly forget why he loved me, as the years and miles separated us and we went on with our different lives. And then I would lose him…and I knew that I would regret that for the rest of my life.

We had both been silent for a while. Angela brought me out of my agonized thoughts, saying “You really love him, don’t you?” And then all the pain and agony that had been wracking my brain for a week and a half spilled out in tears as I nodded and hid my face in my hands. I was hopelessly, pathetically in love with him and that was the entire problem. She gave me a moment and I struggled to compose myself, wiping the tears away with one of the paper napkins lying on the table. She handed another one to me, a small smile on her face. “You know, I think Monterey Bay has a really great Education Department,“ she said, her smile breaking into a small grin.

I laughed, but it sounded like a small strangled snort. “Angela, how can I not go to Dartmouth? My mom will never understand. And how…how can I be sure it’s the right thing to do? I keep thinking I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons. I mean, I shouldn’t pick where I’m going to college based on wanting to be with my boyfriend, right?” I was pleading with her now, asking her to help me justify what I wanted, deep in my heart, to do.

She rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s what Mike did…and apparently James as well,” she said scornfully. I was shocked. It had never occurred to me that Mike had gone to Dartmouth just to be with me. I had thought he just shared the same dream that I had, but it was obvious in retrospect. I was really going to have to talk to him soon about this, if I was at all serious about not going.

“But that just shows it’s the wrong thing to do, right?” I argued. I would be no better than my lovesick, but oblivious, friend and a pathetic stalker. My heart was sinking back into the black mire where it had been stuck since I talked to Edward.

“No, it shows that they were willing to go to great lengths just to have a chance to be with you, Bella. There’s nothing wrong with that. Well, in the case of James, there was something seriously wrong with that—but there was something horribly wrong with him. But you and Edward love each other, so it’s a completely different story. If there were ever two people that were meant to be together, it’s you two.” She was thoughtful again. “But if you really want to be sure, you should visit CSU Monterey Bay. Come out with me, take a tour, and see if it’s really someplace you would like to go.” The idea of coming with her to visit the school suddenly made an incredible amount of sense. I had already checked it out on-line and I was certain I could get in, if I wanted to. But if I visited…well, I would visit any college I was planning on attending, right? I had visited many schools last fall. It only made sense that I would tour it before I made a big decision like this.

“Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Angela, I knew you would help me with this. You always know the right thing to do.”

“Now, now, this is not my decision,” she hedged. “You have to decide. The fact that I would love for you to be roommates with Alice and I should in no way influence your decision,” she said, grinning at me again. I grinned back, unabashedly happy. At that moment, they called out our order, and Angela went up to the counter, bringing back our noodle bowls. She was a little more serious when she returned.

“Are you going to tell Edward?” she asked, glancing at the letter again.

“No,” I said quickly, picking up my chopsticks. “I don’t want to tell him until I’m sure, until I’ve decided. And I’m going to wait until I come out to visit before I make my decision.” It occurred to me that Edward might already be in California when I came out for my tour. “When are you going to leave?” I asked her excitedly.

“Two weeks from Friday, so you don’t have much time…and you need to talk to Mike before you go,” she warned me. I nodded, but was already thinking ahead. Two weeks from Friday…I was pretty sure Edward would be in California by then, which would mean that I could see him when I came out. That put an entirely new spin on the tour, and it was starting to look like an absolute necessity now. My head was spinning. Two and a half weeks…that was practically around the corner…and it gave me time to talk to Mike, but…

“What am I going to do about my mom?” I asked, despairing again. She was going to be furious. “I can’t tell her about this over the phone!”

“Well, you can’t go to California without telling her you’re leaving. Is she coming back in town soon?”

Mom and Phil had been gone most of the summer, only stopping back twice for a day, and then they were off to the next game series in another city. Last I heard, they were planning on coming back again next week. “I’ll call her tonight. I think they’re going to be back before you leave. How in the world am I going to explain this to her, Angela?”

“I have no idea,” she said, digging into her noodle bowl. With that depressing thought, I decided it was time to open my letter from Edward. I opened it and quickly scanned it for embarrassing phrases or implied acts, but what I saw was more surprising than any letter before. My shock must have shown on my face, as Angela froze, noodles halfway to her mouth, asking, “What’s wrong?”

“Edward’s coming here.”

Dearest Readers,

Are you as happy as I am that Bella and Edward are going to get a chance to see each other again? Do you think Bella should give up Dartmouth? What do you think Navyward is going to think about that?

Reviews make me happy and make me want to write this next chapter even more (hint, hint)….

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Chapter: 18

Chapter 18 – When Jasper met Alice

Dearest Readers,

First, I want to thank all my wonderful reviewers- your insights are great and I enjoy how excited you are about this story! This chapter went really long, because I just loved it so much. I literally cried when I was writing part of it (see if you can guess which part), and couldn’t love some other parts any more. I thought about splitting it into two chapters, and make you wait for the second half, but I care for my readers too much to do that to you. So here it is! Enjoy…

BPOV

I thought the whirlwind in my mind would stop once I had talked with Angela, and got her help with working through my thoughts, but instead it was turning into a full-fledged tornado. My mom was coming back into town for a brief stop next Thursday, I needed to talk to Mike about Dartmouth, and all the while my mind kept wandering to images of what it would be like to see Edward again—first here in Phoenix, and then only a week later in Monterey Bay. His letters were filled with excited anticipation about seeing me again and they made my heart flutter every time I read one. I hadn’t told him yet about coming to Monterey Bay, and maybe not going to Dartmouth. That seemed like a conversation I needed to have in person with him, just like with my mom, and besides I wanted to wait to talk to him until after I had at least made up my mind about it. Otherwise, I would be hopelessly lost. I didn’t want him to tell me to come to Monterey Bay—I was pretty certain I wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’. Even worse, I didn’t want him to tell me to go to Dartmouth—I thought it might crush me, and I would never recover. First things, first—I needed to talk to Mike.

The summer sun glowered low on the horizon, sending deep shadows across the ball field. Even though it was almost nine o’clock, it was still light enough that the night lights had not come on over the field. I hung back in the shadows, watching Mike coach, feeling that familiar stab of guilt mixed with a new sadness that we had spent nearly the entire summer not talking to each other. He smiled easily, encouraging the kids as they finished up the last of their game, which it looked like they were going to win. I cringed at the thought of the hard-set line that sweet smile would become, if he knew I was here.

When the game was over, and he was dispersing the last of his players, I slowly walked up to him from behind the benches. He was busy looking at his clipboard and didn’t see me at first. When he looked up, scanning around to see if there was any equipment left behind, he saw me.

“Hi, Mike,” I said, tentatively. He looked shocked, and then frowned.

“Bella.” It was more of a statement than a greeting. I sighed.

“Mike, I’ve wanted to thank you, you know, for what you did with James. That was pretty great,” I started, but he went from frowning to angry quickly, and I sped up. “But that’s not why I came. Can we talk?” I wasn’t sure if he would agree to it or not. He still seemed angry with me, and we never really had talked since he said goodbye to me, in that sadly final way, at my house. I didn’t count the yelling outside of Victoria’s, since that was a fairly one-sided conversation, consisting of him shouting at me.

“Yeah, okay,” he said, seeming resigned.

“Can we go get ice cream? I’m buying,” I tried to smile, half-heartedly, but he just looked at me like I was trying to trap him into something. “Or,” I faltered, “we could just stay here?” This was going to be harder than I thought, and I was starting to second guess why this was even necessary.

He shook his head, seeming to try and clear it of something, and said, “No, let’s go. Did you drive here?” He looked around at the empty parking lot, with just his car in it.

“No, Angela dropped me off. No air conditioning.” It was a plausible excuse. I didn’t mention that Angela had been insisting for days that I talk to him, and her dropping me off was her way of leaving me no way to escape. Best friends can be annoying that way.

“So, how were you going to get home?” he asked, a small smile finally showing up on his face.

“Well, I figured if you kicked me off the ball field, I could always call a cab…” I replied, or call Angela sobbing and ask her to pick me up…

He sighed, shaking his head sadly. “Bella, I wouldn’t kick you off the ball field.”

“Well, I would deserve it…” I said, trying to be playful and not sure if it was working.

“That’s true,” he agreed a little too readily. But then he smiled and it was just the courage I needed to go through with this. We chatted amiably, but still strained, on the way over to the ice cream store. It was the kind where they mixed your favorite toppings in with a ridiculous amount of ice cream on a cold slab that was meant to keep everything from melting. I think the air conditioner in the store had to work overtime to keep anything in the store cool, but it was a breath of relief from the ball field when we arrived. Mike made faces at my ice cream and topping selection, although I failed to see what was wrong with coffee and pistachios. As we settled in to tackle the enormous amount of ice cream they had given us, it almost felt natural again, sitting with him, just being together. I would genuinely miss him if I didn’t go to Dartmouth—I already did.

“So, you wanted to talk?” Mike started, when there was a lull in our conversation. “If you’re going to say you don’t love me, don’t bother. I got that the first time.” He was bitter, but was making an attempt to be light-hearted about it. It just about broke my heart. I studied my ice cream for a while, pulling tiny pistachios out one at a time with my spoon.

“I’m kidding,” he said softly, after I couldn’t think of anything to say for a while. “It’s okay, Bella. I get it. You’re in love with this guy…Edward.” It seemed like it was difficult for him to say his name out loud. “I don’t like it, but I get it. Just don’t get all jealous on me when I find some brilliant, beautiful college girl at Dartmouth to fall in love with.” He was teasing, but he couldn’t fool me—I could see the pain in his eyes. Well, it was now or never.

“Mike, I’m thinking about not going to Dartmouth,” I said, barely able to look at him, but feeling like a coward if I didn’t. The look in his eyes went from shock to a knowing look that didn’t think much of me.

“You’re going to be with him, aren’t you.” It was more accusation than a question or statement.

“I haven’t decided yet, I’m still thinking about it. I’m going to go out there and tour the school, Monterey Bay, the one Angela’s going to.” My indecision seemed to put a spark back in his eyes. “I thought you should know.”

“You want to know what I think? Is that why you’re telling me?” He was accusing again, and I could guess what he thought of it, of me. I didn’t honestly want him to tell me. When I didn’t say anything, he softened again, slowly shaking his head.

“Bella, I don’t know who this guy is or what kind of hold he has over you, but I’ve known you for…” he trailed off, choking up a little, “…for a long time, and I thought…” he stopped again, seeming to lose his words.

“I know,” I said, dejected. “You thought we would be together at Dartmouth.” I was miserable again. It was just like the last time, at my house.

“I’ve been re-thinking a lot of things in my life, lately,” he said, his eyes an icier blue than I had seen in a long time. “I’m thinking it was a mistake for me to decide to go to Dartmouth, to put all that time and energy into that, when I didn’t even know if you wanted me there.” His words sliced through me, not only for letting him down, but stoking my uncertainty. What if Edward didn’t want me to come to California?

It must have been Mike’s intent to put that thought into my head, because he seemed satisfied with the expression of doubt and worry that must have been playing across my face.

“I didn’t know you were thinking that way, Mike. I guess I should have, but I didn’t—I thought you wanted to go to Dartmouth because…well, because you wanted to go Ivy League. You knew I wanted to go ever since the 7th grade…” I trailed off, feeling oddly about saying that. I had wanted it all that time, hadn’t I? I certainly had been working for it ever since then.

“Then how could you just give it up? Just like that?” Mike asked, and I realized he was going to try to talk me out of it. “For what? Some guy you barely know?” He was getting angry now, and I couldn’t expect him to understand why I would want to go to California. “C’mon Bella, don’t make the mistake I did. At least I traded up—if I hadn’t wanted to…” he choked up again, twisting my insides, “…be with you so much, I would never have pushed myself to get all those good grades, and everything else, so I would at least have a chance at getting in. I’m not brilliant like you, Bella. I had to really work hard, but wanting to be with you drove me, made me better than I would have been otherwise. That’s what love is supposed to be like, Bella. It’s supposed to make you better. You shouldn’t have to give up, trade down, be less than you are, just to be with this guy.”

I couldn’t argue with what he was saying, but a small part of me kept getting angrier and angrier every time he called Edward just a ‘guy’. He was so much more than that to me, but I couldn’t expect Mike to understand. He was right about one thing, though. I should probably talk to Edward about it, before I made any decisions. If there was any chance that Edward didn’t want me to come, then I didn’t want to find that out, like Mike did, after I had already given up my chance to move away, start over, and have a new life at Dartmouth.

“Mike, you’re right,” I said, and before he could get too happy about that, I added, “I need to talk to Edward before I decide what I’m going to do.” He face turned sour, and I could see the anger coming back. I don’t think that was the conclusion he wanted me to reach. My ice cream had turned into a small green lake in my bowl, and the tornado in my head was spinning again. “I’m sorry, Mike, for everything. Can you take me home, please?” I asked, with no energy left in me to continue this fight or conversation or whatever we were doing.

He still had anger in his eyes, but he nodded, and we left our ice cream soup on the table as we made our way back to his car. We were silent on the way back to my house, and I truthfully just wanted to go home and crawl under my covers. He tried one more time, as he was dropping me off at my house.

“Bella?” he asked, as I was starting to get out. “Please…think about what you’re doing, okay? Don’t do something you’ll regret. I…I really don’t want you to get hurt.” I could tell he meant it, that he still cared for me, probably still loved me with the tender way he was looking at me now.

“Thanks, Mike,” I said, wearily, leaning over to give him a quick hug before I left. He held me a little too long, so I felt like I was pulling away from him when I left. His sad blue eyes haunted me the rest of the night.

EPOV

The last two weeks of boot camp seemed to sail by, once I knew that a visit with Bella was waiting for me at the end of it. What seemed impossible when we first arrived—drills, PT, endless classroom time—seemed like a breeze now. Our Battle Stations training and review had actually been fun—twelve straight hours of hands-on exercises in fire-fighting, damage control, and swimming survival. I was exhausted and exhilarated at the end and when we passed the final inspection, we all received our hats. That, along with our newly issued dress uniforms, made us like legitimate sailors. Even more, I felt like I could wear the uniform and not be pretending to be a soldier.

A flurry of out-processing and final pass-in-review, and Friday had finally arrived. Mom, Dad and Emmett had flown down for graduation and we would see them after the ceremonies. Alice had arrived a little earlier, having no doubt broken all the speeding laws in three or four states driving down from Forks.

Jasper and I were waiting to meet her at the family visiting area just before we had to report for final drills for ceremonies. There were dozens of recruits in the large cafeteria room, visiting with their families or milling around looking for them. I spied Alice near the door and waved her over to where Jasper and I were waiting. She danced across the room, her sundress flowing behind her. She was wearing some kind of fashionable outfit, as always, but had made a concession to the heat by at least wearing something sleeveless and airy. She always drew the line at shoes and, true to form, was wearing some extremely high heeled sandals that made her tiny pixie form seem a little taller. I was always amazed at how she could glide across a room so effortlessly in shoes that looked designed to cripple. Her spiky dark hair danced with her, her clear blue eyes shining as she reached us.

“Hey there, sailor boy!” she squealed, and threw her arms around me, hugging me. It felt so good, it surprised me.

“Missed you,” I murmured softly to her, just now realizing how much. When I released her, she stepped back, examining me up and down, making me smile. I was wearing my summer dress whites for graduation, short sleeved and pressed crisp to my RDC’s specifications. Since we were indoors, my hat was in my hand.

“Damn, Edward, you’re going to give Bella a heart attack with that!” she said, appreciatively. I couldn’t help but laugh.

I suddenly remembered my manners and realized I hadn’t introduced her to Jasper. I glanced at Jasper and was shocked—he was staring open mouthed at Alice, the strangest look on his face. He was scanning her in that annoying way of his, and I was so taken back, I stumbled through my introduction.

“Uh, Alice, this is Jasper, my, uh, bunkmate.” Jasper managed to close his mouth, but his face was still blank surprise. “Uh, Jasper…Alice.”

I glanced at Alice as I said her name and was even more surprised. She was busy looking everywhere but Jasper, finally settling on examining her nails for a moment. It was my turn to have my mouth hang open. Alice was bubbly and friendly and teasing. All the time. With everyone. She was never shy, and I’d only ever seen her awkward one time…it was with that guy, Emmett’s paramedic friend from last year…oh no.

“Hi,” she said curtly, eyes still locked on her nails, and I could see one foot nervously tapping inaudibly on the linoleum.

“Uh, hi,” said Jasper awkwardly, but his eyes were still glued to Alice. I frowned at him, wondering what on earth was wrong with him. Alice’s strange behavior couldn’t be that off putting.

Alice seemed to snap out of it, or perhaps was looking for something to do with her hands besides nervously stare at them, so she reached up and tousled my ever-lengthening hair, saying “And that hair!”

“Everyone got theirs cut, I couldn’t help it,” I said, grinning and relieved she was acting normal again.

“No,” she said admiring the few strands that were starting to flop over on my forehead, “it works for you,” she insisted.

Jasper seemed to recover as well, regaining that easy smile he always wore. “Edward, are you sure this is your sister?” he asked, a glint in his eye now. I looked at him like he had lost his mind. I was beginning to wonder if they both had. “Not your step-sister?” he continued. “Maybe your adopted sister?” I continued to slightly shake my head, thinking he was deranged.

He turned that smile on Alice now, looking at her through those long blonde lashes and drawling, “I’m just having a hard time seeing how you’re related. I mean, she’s amazing and you’re…well, so Edward.” My mouth hung open in shock as Alice snickered behind her hand. Jasper grinned that Texas wide smile at my expense. Wait…Jasper was flirting with my sister! No, no, no.

Still shocked, I moved to Alice and put my arm protectively around her. “She’s definitely my sister, Hale. Don’t forget it,” I glared slightly at him, but it was nothing compared to the king-sized glare daggers Alice was shooting at me. What?? I couldn’t help but shrink away under her look curses and Jasper laughed outright at me.

This was completely out of control. “We need to get ready for commencement,” I stated pointedly at Jasper. “I’ll see you afterward, sis.” Before I could drag Jasper away, Alice piped up, finally looking Jasper directly in the eyes, “Are you going to drive to California with us, Jasper?”

“Yes, please…” said Jasper quietly and the two of them were locked in some kind of stare that was turning my stomach into knots. Oh no…no, no, no!

I grabbed Jasper’s arm and literally dragged him away from Alice, who just stood there watching us go, like she was mesmerized by Jasper’s stare. When we were far enough away from Alice for her not to overhear, I hissed at Jasper, “What the hell, Jasper!”

“Huh?” he said, apparently still dazed by whatever trance he had been trying to put on my sister.

“She’s my sister!” I spat. I could not believe he would do this.

He grinned at me. “Are you sure?” Which, of course, just made me angrier.

“Jasper, don’t be using that Southern charm on her…” I warned, big brother protectiveness in full force now.

His eyes went wide as he thought of something. “Do you think she liked it?” he asked innocently, which just about made my blood boil. Of course she liked it, was he blind? And then I realized, Jasper couldn’t read her—at least not like I could. She was my little sister and I had known her since she was born. Alice and I could read each other like books, having whole conversations without words, which often came in handy. For once, I had the advantage over Jasper. It was time to use it.

“No,” I said harshly.

His face fell and he looked…hurt. A stab of guilt went through me. I had just completely lied to my best friend…and hurt him in the process…on purpose. What kind of a wretch was I?

“Jasper, I’m kidding,” I added quickly. “Alice always loves a good joke at my expense.” Good God, what was I doing?

He brightened considerably, saying, “Yeah, but I couldn’t be sure, I mean, she didn’t even want to look at me…” he trailed off, looking back toward Alice, and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Jasper…and Alice…it was going to be a long drive to California.

BPOV

After talking to Mike, I was even more conflicted about whether I should talk to Edward or not. Of course, I talked to him on Friday, on the phone, but mostly I listened as he told me how excited he was to come see me, and that boot camp was going really well, and that he couldn’t wait for me to meet Jasper, who would be coming with him, along with Alice. I could barely get a word in edgewise, but that was okay, because I really didn’t know what to say. My mind was filled with voices raging in the war over Bella’s Future—it would have been comical if it wasn’t driving me so crazy.

This was our last week of camp, as the summer was wrapping up. All week I had been thinking about what Angela said, about being a teacher, and the more I thought about it the more I liked it. I had been looking for something that had meaning, something that would make a difference in the world. Being a teacher certainly seemed that—I knew from my own experience how much a difference a good teacher could make, or a bad one. There was one teacher in junior high that was personally responsible for my hatred of Biology—and another, without whom I would never have discovered my love of classical literature. If I could bring that to a student, open the world up to them…well that seemed like it was making a difference, one that could last the rest of their lives. I struggled with what I would want to teach—I really loved the little kids, they were so eager and soaked up every word you said, but if I could teach something that I loved, like Literature…well, I couldn’t think of anything more perfect. So, I had, more or less, figured out something I could major in—either English or Education, or even better, both. Now I just had to figure out where to do it.

The showdown with my mom was looming. She and Phil had arrived late last night, and I would have to talk to her tonight, after camp. Edward was graduating today, and would be arriving tomorrow, so there was no putting it off. He wouldn’t be calling me tonight, though, as I think his family was already down there, visiting. He promised to get on the road first thing in the morning, as soon as he was released on liberty, and drive all fifteen hours straight through so that he would arrive that evening, late. It boggled my mind that Edward would be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow night.

It was bittersweet checking the kids out at the end of camp, giving them final hugs as they ran off to meet their parents. Angela seemed a little sad, too, that it was coming to an end, but at least she had an exciting week ahead to prepare for her trip, now our trip, to Monterey Bay. My week was looking exciting for a different, more agonizing, reason.

“You’re talking to your mom, tonight, right?” she asked as she drove me home along the parched suburban streets. It was strange to know that Mom and Phil would be there when I got home. I had become used to having the house all to myself for most of the summer.

“Yeah. Any last minute tips on how to keep from giving my mom an aneurysm?” I asked, gallows humor in full bloom. She just grimaced and shook her head.

“Call me later?” she asked.

“If I don’t, you should check the morgue,” I said dryly.

“Bella, it’s not going to be that bad. You just have to talk it out with her…” she trailed off, utterly unconvincing.

“Yeah, that’s what you said the last time…” I said, but I was teasing her. This wasn’t her fault, and I would just have to march in and get it over with.

“Talk to you later…” she said, uncertainly, as I climbed out, letting a blast of Phoenix heat into the car as I left.

My mom was busying herself in the kitchen, concocting something unidentifiable. I wondered if we would end up ordering pizza tonight. Either way, it was sure to be an improvement over my usual cereal-for-dinner routine, so I wasn’t going to complain. It probably would have been wiser to wait until she was done cooking, giving dinner a better chance of success, before I launched into my confession, but I was too anxious for it to be over to wait.

After she hugged me hello, I said, “Mom, we have to talk.”

“Sure, sweetie, what about?” She was only half paying attention to me as she stirred a pot of some kind of sauce and checked the cookbook for further instructions.

“Mom, I’ve been thinking about Dartmouth in the fall,” I started. She interrupted me, like she had just remembered something.

“Oh, yeah! Phil and I were talking about that, honey, and we really think you need to get a new car. I don’t think that truck’s going to make it all the way to New Hampshire.” She turned away from her cooking, and looked at me for the first time, an impish smile on her face. “Phil just got a signing bonus from the Marlins, and he wants to buy you a car, sweetie! Isn’t that great?”

I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel more guilt, more agonizing dread, about what I was about to say, but apparently I was wrong. The moment had arrived, and it was cripplingly worse. I briefly closed my eyes, steeled my nerves with a deep breath, and said, “Mom, I’m thinking about not going to Dartmouth in the fall.”

I cringed as I waited for her reaction. She just stared at me blankly. “What?” she said, like she hadn’t heard me, but I knew she had. I was sure that the words just made no sense to her. I was going to have to repeat it, which was almost worse than saying it the first time.

“I’m thinking about not going to Dartmouth in the fall,” I eked out, losing some of my nerve. She was shaking her head, blinking, trying to comprehend what I was saying. Her pot was starting to boil, and I was pretty sure dinner was going to be ruined, if it wasn’t already. She walked in a daze to go sit down at the kitchen table, not looking at me, not really looking at anything. I went over and nervously stirred the pot, then decided to just turn it off.

“But why?” she asked, still bewildered, as if she had been trying to understand what I was saying, but came up with nothing.

“I want to go check out another school, in Monterey Bay—the one where Angela is going,” I said, coming over to sit across from her at the table. “Edward’s going to be…going to school nearby,” I added quietly, embarrassed, knowing that this was the worst part.

Her eyes opened wide, realization finally dawning. “I didn’t know you liked him so much,” she replied softly.

“I love him, Mom.” She knew this. I had told her multiple times when she called to check on me. I told her about the letters and the phone calls, and how hard it was to have him so far away. I guess she didn’t take it seriously. She was nodding her head, as she contemplated this. I was still waiting for it to hit her, for her to fly off the handle, run screaming around the room. She just sat there quietly. It was unnerving me.

She was shaking her head slightly. “You’ve worked so hard for this, sweetie, and I’m so proud of you,” she was saying, finally looking up into my eyes. “I’d hate to see you give it up, and regret it later on….”

I was almost wishing she would yell at me now, this calm rationality was going to make me come completely unhinged. “I’m afraid…I’m afraid…” God, I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence now. “I’m afraid that I’ll regret it if I don’t give it a chance…being with Edward, I mean.” I was nearly trembling, the full anxiety of it coming completely out. I had expected to be fighting with her, defending myself, and here I was melting down into a mess.

“Oh, honey…” she said, coming over to hug me and then sitting down in the chair next to me. “I know you want to be with Edward, but he knew you were going to go to Dartmouth, right? Have you talked to him about it?”

“No,” I admitted, fighting back tears. “He’s coming here tomorrow, to visit, on his way out to California.”

She looked surprised at this. “Tomorrow? Oh…” She thought about this some more, as she reassuringly patted my arm, still shaking on the table. “Well, I think you should talk to him about it. If you think you really want to go to school near him, well, it’s your decision, sweetie. I’ll support whatever you decide.” My mouth hung open at this. This was the last thing I expected her to say, and it took a moment for it to sink in. I’ll support whatever you decide, she had said. I had a hard time understanding, now, why I would expect anything less from her. She had always been crazy, goofy, irresponsible…and loved and supported me, no matter what. She smiled at me, still patting my arm and thinking for a moment more. Suddenly, she brightened a little. “Maybe you could defer your enrollment for a year…I’ve heard some schools do that. Do you think Dartmouth would do that?”

That had never occurred to me, and the idea of postponing Dartmouth, rather than giving it up entirely, seemed like the escape hatch I was looking for. I stared at her in amazement. “Mom, that’s a terrific idea. I…I don’t know if I could get a deferral, but maybe…”

“Then,” my completely irrational mother reasoned, “you could have some time to see if things are going to work out with you and Edward…”

“Mom, you are the most amazing, best mom that ever lived!” I exclaimed and hugged her hard across the kitchen chairs. That impish smile was back and I was quite sure I had never loved her as much as I did right now. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and they just started falling down my face.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay…” she said, when she pulled back and she could see my tears. She took my face in her hands and wiped away my tears with her thumbs. “It’s all going to work out, I promise.”

I just nodded mutely, tears still falling, overwhelmed by her love for me and her understanding. “Now,” she smiled brightly in the face of my tears, “I think we need to call the pizza guy!” I smiled and wiped my face as she scurried across the kitchen to pull out the phone book to order dinner.

EPOV

Graduation went smoothly, and we were granted liberty until lights out. My family was glad to have Jasper join us for dinner after the ceremonies—Alice particularly so. The fact that Alice found Jasper attractive just about screamed out from her little face and body every time she looked at him. Jasper, meanwhile, had turned on the full Southern charm, and I was convinced there was a lot more drawling going on than normal. It was driving me crazy. I insisted that we turn in early, over my mom’s protests, because we had to get an early start in the morning for our drive to Phoenix. If we were going to get there before midnight, we needed to leave as soon as they released us in the morning. But I also wanted to end the agony of watching them.

We planned on taking turns driving and Alice insisted on driving first. It being her car, I didn’t object, until Jasper claimed shotgun and I was left in the back seat. I gazed out the window as we flew down I-37 at Alice-speed out of Corpus Christi and towards San Antonio, watching the barren Texas landscape whiz by and trying not to listen in to the conversation between Jasper and Alice. I had warned Jasper, last night before lights out, that Alice was off-limits. Just because we were going to be in a car together for the next three days did not mean that she was fair game. Whatever sweet talking he wanted to do, he could save for the thousands of coeds waiting for him at Monterey Bay. He had laughed at me, saying he didn’t think Alice was interested in him anyway, so I really didn’t need to get all big brother defensive about it. But I knew him too well by now—I could tell he had no intention of staying away from Alice. I hadn’t had much opportunity to talk to Alice about it, so I was just going to have to be vigilant during the car ride—once we made it to California, we would be safely back in lock down, and Alice would be distracted with getting started at her new school. Then I could explain to her the dangers of flirting with overly charming sailors who had broken up with their girlfriends in the not too distant past.

In spite of my best efforts to not hear their conversation, it was difficult to ignore. I was badly missing my iPod.

“So, Miss Alice, what are you planning to study at Monterey Bay?” asked Jasper.

“Studying? No one said there would be studying required!” replied Alice, typically for her. Jasper chuckled. “I’m going there to work on my tan,” Alice added, making me groan internally.

“Really?” said Jasper, with just a little too much interest in his voice.

“Have you been there before?” Alice asked.

“No. Well, not in a long time, since I was a kid,” Jasper added easily. He seemed to talk freely around Alice, which was a little unusual for him.

I tried counting tumbleweeds, but they went by too fast. I tried humming a song in my head, to drown out the conversation in the front seat. It worked for a while. When I was running out of distractions, I glanced over at them. They were holding hands…! More accurately, Jasper was leaning over the center console, Alice’s tiny hand turned upright in his, palm up, and he was tracing some kind of lines or pattern on her hand. His fingers were lacing through hers, gently, softly, such that she probably didn’t even notice that he was caressing her hand with his. Ack! I decided it was time for me to drive. At the next turnout, I feigned the need to use the restroom. They both looked strangely at me. We had been on the road less than an hour, and were barely halfway to San Antonio. When we came back to the car, I insisted on driving and had Alice ride in front with me, where I could keep an eye on her.

It was no use. As soon as we started on the road again, Jasper leaned up against the back of Alice’s bucket seat, his face braced against the headrest, looking at Alice adoringly. Alice had twisted around in her seat, wreaking havoc with the seatbelt, so that she was facing him as well, and now their faces were only inches away. I ground my teeth and tried to keep my eyes on the road. I turned up the air conditioning, hoping the sound of the fan would drown them out. That worked for a while, until we all froze and Alice insisted on turning it back down, snarling at me.

After San Antonio, we took the I-10, and would be on that empty road the entire way to Phoenix. It was unbelievable how much empty open space there was in Texas. I kept waiting for Jasper and Alice to run out of things to say, but if there was something my sister could do, it was talk. Jasper was a talker too, apparently. In fact, I’d never heard so much out of him as I did during the next few hours, as much as I was trying not to hear.

“So, why didn’t your family come to graduation? Are they far away?” Alice asked, quietly and innocently, my ears involuntarily perking up to hear Jasper’s response. I was still trying hard to appear not to be listening.

“Oh, the Commander was there,” Jasper said sarcastically. “I think he saluted me. Or that could have just been his salute to all the graduates. It’s hard to tell.”

“The Commander is your dad?” Alice asked, confused. She probably didn’t know much about Navy command structures, but she managed to piece that together. Jasper must have nodded. “Well, what about your mom? Is she the First Lady Commander?”

Jasper was silent a moment. “My mom died when I was thirteen,” he said, quietly.

“Oh!” said Alice, chastened. She paused a moment and then said very quietly, “You miss her.”

Jasper leaned even further forward from the back seat, resting his head on the back of the Alice’s seat again, only inches from her face. In a furtive whisper I was sure I wasn’t meant to hear over the hum of the engine and the road, Jasper said, “She was sick, for a long time, but the Commander didn’t tell us, my sister and me, anything. They wanted to keep it a secret, I guess. But, of course, I could tell. I started ditching school every afternoon. I came home and stayed with her. We talked about a lot of things—she pretended that I wasn’t ditching and I pretended that she wasn’t sick. Sometimes she was too tired to talk…” he paused, seeming unable to go on.

“Oh, Jazz…” Alice breathed, reaching up to touch his face. I stole a look out of the corner of my eye. Was Jasper crying? I locked my eyes on the road ahead, trying not to see what was happening in the seat next to me.

Jasper laughed a little, choking chuckle, whispering again, “What kind of spell are you putting on me, Baby Girl? I haven’t told anyone that…” he trailed off again. Clearing his throat a little, he continued, “After she died, the Commander told us it was cancer. He hasn’t really been right since then. It’s not his fault…he lost the woman that he loved.” Jasper paused again, and then regained some of his sarcasm. “Although he could be less of a jerk about it.”

After that, they were both quiet. If Alice was kissing him, I didn’t want to know about it, so my steely gaze stuck to the road. As we continued to drive in silence, I began to rethink things a little. Jasper was my best friend. He was incredibly supportive of Bella and me, and had done everything possible to help us out—even coming on this trip, just because I wanted him to meet her. Of course he would like Alice—everyone did. And of course he would use his charm on her—he used it on everyone. Jasper could charm the pants off any female recruit at boot camp, which was exactly what was stoking my big brother over-protectiveness. But, in all the time we had been together at boot camp, Jasper had not actually charmed his way into a coat closet with any female recruits…or petty officers…or chiefs…at least, that I knew of. And there was certainly some of that going on at boot camp, much to my shock, initially. Who knew there was even time for such things? In any event, Jasper was, in fact, a really great guy, and if Alice liked him, well I guess I shouldn’t be trying to stand in the way. It still didn’t seem right, though. Jasper needed to know that if he hurt Alice in any way, I would likely have to kill him, whether he was my friend or not. And I didn’t want to be put in that position, so he better not do anything even close to hurting her.

I decided it was better for me to keep driving, even though my turn was long over. With the two of them making eyes, or holding hands, or whatever else they were doing, we would surely get in a wreck. After a few more hours, we decided to stop for lunch and gas in Sonora, population three thousand sixty. Jasper recommended we stop at a small down-home diner just off the interstate, because it “looked Texan”, by which I think he meant something positive. When Alice had gone off to use the ladies’ room, I took the opportunity to set Jasper straight.

“Look, it’s obvious you like Alice…” I started, talking furtively to him, sitting across from him in the booth we had chosen.

“Oh?” he said, noncommittally, no doubt remembering my earlier warnings.

“And it’s obvious she likes you,” I conceded, knowing he would want to hear this. On cue, his ears perked up.

“How can you tell?” he asked. He really couldn’t read her at all, if he was even bothering to ask that question. I couldn’t help smirking at that.

“Well, she’s tolerated listening to you a lot longer than I would have, so there must be something she likes about you,” I said, sarcastically, but he seemed to take this and thoughtfully consider it.

“She does seem to get me to say things I normally wouldn’t,” he mused aloud, and then looked embarrassed that he had actually said that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jasper embarrassed before, and it shocked me for a moment. This drive was full of firsts.

“Look, Alice has that effect on people. Don’t worry about it,” I reassured him, wanting to hurry to my point before Alice came back. “Here’s the thing. She’s my sister, and if you do anything to hurt her, Jasper, I’m going to have to pound you into the ground. Do you understand what I’m saying?” I was trying not to growl it out, but wasn’t entirely successful. He looked a little shocked, and then thoughtful again.

“If I do anything to hurt Alice, I’ll deserve whatever you can dish out, Edward.” His voice was soft, and surprisingly tender. It was almost as if he would hate himself more than I could, if he hurt her—and it was almost enough to mollify the big brother in me—almost.

Alice returned from the restroom, and had to decide which of us to sit by. Jasper was quicker than I, was out of his seat in a flash, and offering his seat to Alice. How did he do that? She scooted in the bench and he took his place next to her. The look on his face when he saw her surprised me again—he was so taken by her, he could hardly keep his eyes off her. I didn’t know if Alice realized it yet, but she had completely smitten Jasper.

I sighed, shook my head and we made our way quickly through lunch, so we could get back on the road. I tried to ignore the accidental touches and sideways looks during lunch. Even if I wasn’t going to interfere, there was only so much of that I could take.

I decided it was still safer for everyone if I drove, this time with Jasper in the front seat. Alice could barely reach the front seat and still remained buckled, but somehow they managed to still be in contact all the time. I finally was able to achieve a near perfect zoning out that I hoped was not going to impact my ability to drive the car. I focused my thoughts on my destination….Bella.

It was easier to ignore the two lovebirds next to me when I thought about seeing her. It seemed as if so much had happened since I saw her last. When we were physically together on the boat, we barely knew each other—even though I think I was already in love with her, without realizing it. Now, we knew we loved each other. For me, at least, it was an all consuming love that completely ruled my thoughts. But so far we had only been able to express that love through our letters and phone calls, which was a poor substitute for the real thing of being with her.

When I pictured being there with her, I had a hard time seeing myself doing anything but kissing and touching her the entire time. I truthfully wanted to take her up to her bedroom and not come out for the next 24 hours that I would be there. Just thinking about it was so distracting I had to shake my head a little so that I would still pay attention to the endless straight miles of Texas highway.

I had a lot of time to think about it, and as much as I wanted to make love to Bella during our one chance to see each other, for who knew how long, I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. Just as it wasn’t the right time when we were on that beach in the Bahamas, faced with never seeing each other again, it wasn’t the right time when we were only going to be together for a day. I wanted so much more than that with her—I wanted as many days as we cared to have, and all the time in the world to spend them together. I had no idea what she must be thinking about it, but I decided that I wanted to wait until we could be together for more than just one day, or even a few days. It wouldn’t be easy, but if we agreed to it up front, maybe we could make it through the incredible temptation that twenty-four hours was going to present. I wanted to make sure we avoided the misunderstandings and hurt feelings we had back on the beach, so I was determined to talk to her about it as soon as possible after we arrived.

I had overheard Alice saying to Jasper that Angela was going to be coming out next weekend. My plan, other than having as much bodily contact with Bella without crossing that line I had just constructed, was to convince her to come out and visit me next weekend when Angela came out to Monterey Bay. I knew it would be out of her way, and I wasn’t exactly sure when she was going to Dartmouth, but I hoped that if I could be very convincing she might see the benefits of coming out. I smiled when I thought of ways that I might use to convince her.

The long Texas miles droned on, and Alice and Jasper finally lapsed into silence, just holding hands, fingers interlacing around the headrest or to the side of the bucket seat. When we made it to El Paso, we stopped for dinner and gas. Everyone was getting tired, so we made it quick and were determined to get back on the road. We were into New Mexico now, and the vistas were beautiful. Although the sinking sun was in our eyes, the mountains were gorgeous and a welcome relief from the endless flat terrain of Texas. As we passed into Arizona, the sun sank behind the horizon, turning the sky a deep indigo blue. We finally lost the light in Tucson and drove the final stretch in complete darkness. It was late, past eleven o’clock, and I hoped that Bella didn’t mind staying up to greet us.

As we got closer to her neighborhood in Phoenix, Alice called Bella to let her know we were almost there. I didn’t talk to her, being strangely nervous about seeing her again. As Jasper navigated by the map light in the car, my heart started to race a little in anticipation of seeing her—from a weird anxiety, as much as excitement. I wondered why I was so nervous, given that I had been envisioning this over and over in my head since Alice first suggested this trip.

When we arrived, I was out of the car before Jasper and Alice. My heart was starting to pound as I neared the porch, where Bella had left the light on for us. Before I could reach the door, it swung open and there she was. She was dressed in dark shorts and a white sleeveless top, her hair down and bouncing around her shoulders as she stepped out of the door and into my arms. She was amazingly more beautiful than the dreams and the picture and all of my fantasies…she flew into my arms and I held her so tightly I was afraid I might be hurting her, my face buried in the sweet smell of her hair. After a moment, I loosened my grip on her slightly, so that I could kiss her. When my lips found hers, it wasn’t the tender sweet kiss that had filled my endless reveries about our reunion. It was a passionate, almost rough, kiss that felt like possession…she was mine. It was unrestrained, but she clung as tightly to me, her hands pulling my face even deeper into hers, as I was holding her body to mine. We remained welded to each other for a long moment, and then broke away, gasping for air and release from that hold we had on each other. We looked at each other, unspeaking, for a long moment. I finally heard Jasper clearing his throat behind us, and I realized it must have been the second or possibly third time he had done it, with the exaggerated emphasis he gave it. I grinned, unabashedly happy, and turned to introduce Bella.

“Jasper, this is Bella. Bella…Jasper.” I had stepped to the side, but still had my arm firmly locked around Bella’s waist. Bella extended her hand to a smiling Jasper, but he was having none of that, and I was forced to release her momentarily as he swept her up in a hug.

“Nice to finally meet you, Bella,” he said, as he lifted her slightly off the ground and then gently dropped her back down. By the time he released her, it was worth the momentary lack of holding her to see that beautiful crimson shade creep up on her cheeks. It was Alice’s turn to bounce up and hug Bella, and then we quickly decided to go inside, as even at nearly midnight, the Phoenix heat was making us all damp.

My arm was permanently attached to Bella now, so Jasper offered to bring in our luggage. Jasper and I had one seabag between us—Alice had three bags of her own. Bella explained that her mom and Phil left earlier today, so Jasper and I would be staying in their room while Alice stayed with Bella in hers. Jasper quickly delivered the luggage to their respective rooms, while Bella and I drifted to the couch. We weren’t doing a lot of talking. I was busy planting small kisses on Bella’s cheeks and lips, when Jasper called from halfway to the kitchen, “We’re going to get some drinks!” and apparently taking Alice with him. I had given up trying to keep them apart hours ago, so it didn’t even cross my mind to object.

“I think they’re leaving us alone,” I said, between kisses.

“It doesn’t take that long to get drinks…” Bella warned me, apparently expecting them back at any moment.

“I doubt they’ll even bother with drinks in there,” I said, smiling slightly and surprising myself at how not-over-protective I was feeling at the moment. I was much more preoccupied with running my hands through Bella’s hair and finding my favorite spot behind her ear. I heard her gasp slightly as I found it, and couldn’t believe the thrill that gave me.

“Wait,” she said, pulling back so she could look in my eyes. “You mean Jasper and Alice…?”

I smiled and nodded, and she looked amazed. “But, didn’t they just meet?” she asked, trying to piece it together.

“It was a long car ride,” I said, mischievously, earning a smile from her. “I gave up trying to keep them apart about five hours in, but I had to drive the whole way, or we were not going to get here in one piece.” She giggled a little, and it was the most delightful sound. I decided I needed to start kissing her in earnest. The force of my kisses was bending her back along the couch until soon I was lying half on top of her and half against the back of the couch, nibbling my way down her neck and feeling like my heart was going to pound straight out of my chest. I heard her gasp as my hands slipped under her shirt and ran along the smooth skin of her stomach. My brilliant idea of not making love to Bella while I was here was starting to look like utter foolishness with her warm and breathing hard underneath me on the couch. I should have known this was going to be incredibly more difficult than it sounded while driving alone in the car across the Texas landscape. I stopped kissing her, grabbed her hip to secure my hand in place and pounded my forehead gently into her shoulder, groaning slightly in frustration as I did.

“What’s wrong?” she said, hands gently caressing my head as it lay on her shoulder, my lips brushing the bare skin of her arm. I had to say something now, before there was some kind of disastrous misunderstanding.

“Bella, I think we should wait, until we can be together for more than a day or two…” I said, speaking softly into her shoulder, placing a light kiss on it, and then raising my head to look into her eyes and see what her reaction was to this.

“Wait for what?” she asked, not understanding at all what I was saying.

I exhaled, eyes bleary from the long drive. “Wait to make love,” I said as gently as I could, hoping she would understand and not be hurt like she was before.

She smiled, and was unable to completely stop a small laugh from escaping. For some reason that my brain, foggy with exhaustion, could not understand, she thought this was amusing. “Bella Swan, you had better tell me quickly why this is funny, or I’m going to get a little upset,” I warned.

“I’m sorry!” she said, smiling, not really explaining herself at all. Then she got more serious, grabbing my face in her two small hands, and reaching up to kiss me, long and sweet. “As long as I can have plenty of those, I can wait as long as you want for the rest,” she breathed at me, causing my heart to skip. And so I kissed her again, and again, and a few more times just to show that I intended to be doing a lot of that very soon. I breathed a long sigh of contentment into the cloud of hair that had pooled to the side of her head and then snuggled my face into the crook of her neck, settling in and just holding her. I had never been so happy in my entire life.

BPOV

My heart was still pounding from his kisses as he settled down next to me on the couch. His head was resting on my shoulder, his warm breath blowing across my chest and leaving goose bumps even though it was still very warm in the house. He surprised me then by yawning, his jaw and mouth moving deliciously against my sleeveless shirt. I felt his long eyelashes brush against my neck as his eyes blinked slowly several times.

I smiled. “Am I boring you, love?” I said softly.

“Never,” he breathed on my chest again, but I soon heard his breathing slow and felt his eyelids droop close as he gently fell asleep on my shoulder. It felt so natural, so right, having him here, the last thing I was going to do was move. I shifted slightly to get more comfortable, being careful not to jostle him awake, and closed my eyes. Having him here in my arms was more perfect than anything I had imagined when I pictured what it would be with him here. I smiled again when I thought about how he wanted to wait to make love to me, until we had more time to spend together than just our day tomorrow. I had been so wrapped up in all my mental battles about whether to go to Dartmouth or not, that it honestly had never crossed my mind to think about whether we would be together in that way this weekend. I hoped that he hadn’t taken it the wrong way when I giggled about that.

I heard Jasper and Alice tiptoe out of the kitchen and head up the stairs to the bedrooms. There were noises from the upstairs hallway that sounded a lot like kissing, and then very quietly, I heard two distinct doors click shut. I assumed they had gone to their separate bedrooms, but I wasn’t about to get up and check. I was busy being Edward’s pillow, and with any luck, I would be for the rest of the night.

Dearest Readers,

Sigh. I’m happy now, how about you? I have an offer for you: if you review and/or tell me what scene you think made me cry, while I wrote it, in this chapter (or which one made you cry), then I will send you a sneak peek of Chapter 19!

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Chapter: 19

Chapter 19 – Last Tango in Phoenix

Dearest Readers,

This is another overly-large chapter, or it would have been done yesterday…hopefully it is worth the wait! Thank you for your wonderfully awesome reviews, especially those who shared their cry-worthy moments! I promise there will be no crying in this chapter…well, not much anyway. Tension, on the other hand….yeah, plenty of that…enjoy!

EPOV

I woke up, alone on the couch. My eyes creaked open to the morning sun, and I was disoriented at first, not being in my rack. Some kind of delicious smell filled the air, and I remembered I was at Bella’s house. I didn’t remember Bella getting up…in fact, I didn’t remember anything at all past when I laid my head down on Bella’s shoulder last night. It had felt so right there, snuggled up next to her. I had slept deeply, dreamlessly, content for the first time in so long I couldn’t remember. I looked down and saw I was still in my traveling civvies and probably in desperate need of washing up. I remembered that Jasper and I were supposed to be staying in Bella’s parent’s room. I staggered up the stairs, avoiding the breakfast-scent filled kitchen for now, hoping to get a little cleaned up before facing everyone this morning.

The reunion with Bella last night had been exactly what I had hoped for and needed. It felt like we had reconnected immediately—the fact that we hadn’t seen each other for over eight weeks didn’t seem to matter at all. It was reassuring on a very basic level, and an anxiety I hadn’t even known I was carrying around was absent this morning. I noticed the bed looked slept in, so at least Jasper made it to his assigned sleeping site last night. I did a double take at the bed, wondering what had happened with Alice and Jasper after I had fallen asleep, and if there was more than one occupant in the bed last night…it didn’t seem so. I would have to find a time later to grill Alice about what was going on with Jasper, but for now even that worry did not dim my excitement for the day ahead.

Dressing and washing up woke me fully, and I began to wonder what our plans were for the day. I hadn’t thought that far ahead, having been focused completely on seeing Bella again. I had assumed her parents would be here, so it felt a little strange to be in their room, and to know that we wouldn’t see them during our stay. Then again, I was extremely glad for it, as I wouldn’t have to worry about Phil’s protective stares as I spent most of my time holding Bella. Whatever we would be doing today, I would be by Bella’s side, and that was all I was really concerned about. Missing her already, I picked up my pace in getting ready. I had a limited amount of civilian clothes with me at boot camp. Alice, thankfully, had brought some with her. I threw on some khaki shorts and a dark collared shirt she had brought for me. It was strange not to be in uniform…I hadn’t realized how used to it I had become. Mindful that I needed to thank Alice for making me presentable, I hurried downstairs.

Bella and Jasper were talking and laughing in the kitchen. I had noticed on the way down that Bella’s door was still closed, no doubt Alice taking her usual extended preparation time to get ready for the day. The sun streamed in the kitchen window, and Bella looked as lovely as she did the night before when I laid eyes on her for the first time in too long. I drank her up for a moment. She was dressed in soft white shorts, a pale blue top that bared her arms and her hair was pulled back exposing her neck to my hungry eyes. She was putting dishes on the table for breakfast, with her back turned to me. Before she could notice me in the doorway, I snuck up behind her, wrapping my arms around her and kissing the side of her neck.

“Good morning,” I murmured, holding her tight, loving the feel of her in my arms.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she replied, turning in my arms and giving me a proper kiss. When we parted, I noticed the thin golden chain and tiny ring around her neck. It gave me the most amazing feeling of satisfaction to see it there. I wondered if she knew what it meant to me, to see it there. I held it between my fingers, almost no weight to it at all, and bent down to kiss her again. I realized this was something I desperately wanted to have every morning for the rest of my life…except for the onlooker. Jasper was watching us with a strange mixture of amusement and happiness on his face.

“Are you going to kiss or eat breakfast?” he asked, lightly teasing as he brought an omelet he had just made, steaming hot, to the table. He had changed into fresh civvies as well, and looked like he had been up, busy in the kitchen, for some time.

“You cook?” I asked, astonished.

“I have many hidden talents,” he grinned at me, and I narrowed my eyes at him. He shouldn’t make comments like that when he’s apparently dating my sister, but Bella seemed to think it was funny. She wiggled her way out of my arms to continue setting the table, and I unwillingly let her go.

“Bella, sugar, could you go wake little Miss Alice and tell her breakfast is ready?” Jasper asked as he turned back to the stove to conjure the next round of omelets from assorted piles of ingredients next to the stove. I saw my opportunity and took it, even though I would have preferred to capture Bella in my arms again for a few more kisses before breakfast. But that would have to wait—this might be my only chance to talk to Alice alone today.

“I’ll get her!” I threw in. Looking meaningfully at Bella’s surprised look, I added, “I’ll be back in just a minute.” I dashed up the stairs before anyone could object. I paused at the closed door for a moment, thinking about what I wanted to say to her, and then knocked softly.

“Hey, midget,” I called through the door. “It’s me.”

Alice opened the door a moment later and then glided back across the bedroom to the mirror over Bella’s dresser, singing, “Good morning, Edward!” in a tone that was just a little too happy for my taste. Normally my diminutive names for her at least gathered a scowl, if not a retort, but it was as if she hadn’t heard me. She continued fixing her hair into spiky perfection while looking in the mirror. A sweet, small, almost unconscious, smile lit her face. She was dressed in tiny hiking boots, a strange departure from her usual footwear, and a sensible set of shorts and top, as if she was planning on hiking. I wondered if she was in on our plans for the day…knowing Alice, probably.

I was distracted from Alice for a moment, realizing I was in Bella’s room, and suddenly I wished I had waited to let her show it to me. It fit her—a neat, eclectic collection of stacks of books and music, and just the right amount of messy to show that it was lived in. I noticed a pile of letters on the desk, and felt a surge of love, hoping they were mine. Well, I would find a reason later to bring her up here and have her show me around. Right now, I needed to talk to Alice before anyone came looking for us.

“Alice, about Jasper…” I started. She wheeled on me in one smooth motion, suddenly angry and pointing her finger at me.

“Edward, don’t you even try to tell me to stay away from Jasper!” she said, raising her voice and making me involuntarily look at the open door behind us, hoping no one heard. I threw up my hands in defense.

“I didn’t say that!” I cowered, and her anger instantly dissipated, but she fixed a steely stare on me.

“What are you saying, then?” she asked, coolly. I fidgeted under that icy blue look. She was half my size but I was more scared of Alice when she was angry than I was of Emmett. Perhaps because I knew Emmett could only physically pound me into the ground. Alice could do much, much worse. I backtracked and thought madly for a moment.

“I’m saying I don’t want you to get hurt, Alice,” I finally managed, saying it softly and hoping she would hear my real concern in that. It seemed to work, because her look softened and she came over to pat my arm, which was defensively crossed over my chest, and look up at me.

“I’m not going to get hurt, Edward. Jasper would never hurt me.” She said it with that certainty she has about things that she simply knows to be true. The strange thing was that I almost believed her.

“I’ve known Jasper a lot longer than you have…” I started again, but unsure of how much or even what I wanted to say. Look out, he’s a charmer? That didn’t seem fair to Jasper.

“Well, I might know him better than you,” she countered. “It was a long car ride, after all.” I couldn’t help smiling at her, but my smile faded as I thought about the time after the car ride. I didn’t know exactly what had happened with the two of them last night, but I wanted to make sure Alice wasn’t getting taken advantage of.

“I just want you to be careful, Alice. You guys just met…” I struggled with some way to tell my little sister I didn’t think she should sleep with my best friend, but there was no good way to say that, I decided. Hopefully she would get my meaning without forcing me to actually say it.

“Edward, Jasper and I are right for each other,” she argued, which was not what I was looking for.

“You can’t know that!” I protested. “You barely know each other!”

“I know it, just like I knew that you and Bella were right for each other, from the very beginning. And I was right about that, wasn’t I?” She smiled sweetly at me again, oh so sure of her assessment. That smugness was certainly something she and Jasper had in common, which just made it more infuriating when she was right.

I hated it when she was right…and it happened way too frequently to just be coincidence. Still, she needed to know that her big brother was looking out for her. “I’m just saying I want you to…take it slow. You and Jasper have time to figure out it you’re right for each other.” I had a sudden pang of jealousy as I realized how true that was, and how little time, once again, Bella and I had to spend together. Jasper and Alice could see each other as often as they wanted, or as often as classes and homework and training would allow. It seemed like an incredibly precious gift that they had been given, but one that Bella and I had been denied. I stuffed my jealousy into the back of my head.

“I know…” she said and that dreamy smile returned as her eyes drifted to the door, undoubtedly thinking about Jasper downstairs, clanging around in the kitchen. It reminded me of the look Jasper had at lunch when Alice had returned to the table. I sighed. Alice was probably right, again. My little sister was bubbly and brilliantly happy, with an infectious cheerfulness that would have drawn in someone like Jasper with a magnetic attraction. Jasper was charismatic and whimsical, a devastating combination for Alice, who seemed to live just this side silly town with her determined playfulness. They probably were meant for each other.

My shoulders slumped, resigned, once again giving in to the inevitable Alice. “I just want you to know that I will have to beat him senseless if he ever does something to hurt you, Ali,” I said very softly, looking down into those soft blue eyes. She reached up on her tip toes to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Don’t worry—he wouldn’t dare,” she smiled mischievously, and then added, “Time for breakfast!” She skipped past me, leaving me alone for a moment to consider that. I hoped for Jasper’s sake he realized that hurting Alice wasn’t in his best interest, and that I wasn’t the one he needed to worry most about making angry. I smiled, shook my head, and then hurried down after her.

Breakfast was delicious, and the hand-holding and whispered thoughts on the other side of the table didn’t bother me so much when I had Bella to occupy my attention. I had wondered if it would be awkward once we saw each other again, with all the revelations in our letters and sweet words in our hasty phone calls, but it was amazingly comfortable. It was so natural to be sitting with her, eating breakfast with her, smiling at her…as if we were meant to do this all the time. At the same time, I knew it was just for today, and tomorrow the reality of my life without Bella being with me would slam back. Soon she would be off to Dartmouth and I had no idea how long our separation would be then. While I was here, there were some things we needed to talk about…things that could only be said in person, and I had a small window of time today to do it. I was suddenly very curious as to what she had planned for our day.

As we were cleaning up, I took the opportunity to grab Bella around the waist from behind, capturing her with an armload of dishes and no way to fight back.

Smiling, I murmured into her ear, “What are we doing today, love?” I could feel her shiver slightly as my warm breath reached her, but she surprisingly did not seem uncomfortable with my advances, in spite of Alice and Jasper only feet away. Admittedly, they were preoccupied, with Alice threatening to turn the sink sprayer on Jasper if he didn’t let her wash the dishes. Bella handed the dishes over to Jasper, who was mock cringing from Alice’s threat of sprayer attack, and turned to snuggle up closer to me, running her hands under my loose shirt, softly touching the skin across the small of my back. I gasped slightly, again surprised at her boldness with witnesses nearby. Something had changed about her, but I absolutely wasn’t going to object.

“Well, I thought we might take a walk, while it was still cool this morning…” she said. It was already eighty degrees out, but I knew what she meant. The afternoon would be best spent indoors. She ran her palms up my back, sending shivers up it as well, and pulling me closer for a quick kiss. “Later we’ll meet my friend Angela for lunch. Is that okay with you?” she asked, looking at me with those deep chocolate eyes, as if I could do anything but agree.

“Anything with you is okay with me,” I said, kissing her again, more deeply and wondering how long we could stand here kissing before she would get uncomfortable. But before she gave any sign of breaking away, we caught some crossfire from the sprayer as Alice and Jasper wrestled with it. We both laughed as we moved out of range and shook our heads at those two. Life would not be dull with Jasper and Alice around.

Bella gave each of us a pair of dark sunglasses, as they were required to keep us from going blind during our stroll through the Desert Botanical Garden. It was only a short drive from Bella’s home, and she promised that it would give us a flavor of Phoenix. I let Alice drive, hoping that she would manage not to crash, even with Jasper in the front seat. Besides, begin in the back seat with Bella gave me a little extra time to explore how comfortable Bella had become with public displays of affection. I whispered in her ear and kissed her neck on the way, waiting for the blushes to come or for her to push my hands away. The suburban Phoenix streets slipped by unnoticed.

The sun was hot, but not unbearable, as we walked hand in hand along the pathways winding through the Garden. It was an maze of walkways filled with giant, prickly cactus plants interspersed with explosions of wildflowers. I paused in front of one of the unique glass sculptures that were strewn haphazardly throughout, letting Alice and Jasper, who were walking and talking together ahead of us, gain a little more space. I pretended to examine the strange brilliant blue flames of glass—they rose straight up out of a bed of tiny round cactus—but I was really thinking of how to broach the subjects that I wanted to discuss with her, while we had a moment.

“These are truly strange,” she said, looking at me sideways to see my impression of them.

“Not as strange as some of the people in Phoenix, apparently,” I objected. She gave me quizzical look, so I quickly got to my point. “Has that creep, James, come around bugging you anymore?”

Now understanding what I meant, shook her head and replied “No, no. I think Mike scared him off for good.”

“But he’s going to Dartmouth, too, right?” I probed. I wanted to make sure she was going to be safe while she was there, especially with me so far away and unable to do anything. I needed to do what I could, now, to ensure her safety at school.

She opened her mouth, as if she was going to say something, and then stopped, looking ahead to where Jasper and Alice had disappeared around the corner of some large group of rocks and desert plants. Finally, she said, “He’s been accepted, but I don’t know for sure if he’s going to go.” I nodded, filing that away, and moving on to my main point.

“So, how are things going with Mike?” I asked, trying to sound casual, and burying that green upwelling of jealousy clouding my brain, so it couldn’t interfere with my plans. We had started walking again, and I gently took her hand, lacing our fingers together, to try to let her know I wasn’t jealous or mad.

She looked at me a little strangely, but answered, “He’s still angry at me, but I guess we’re sort of talking now, so it’s better.”

I stopped her and took her other hand in mine, too, pulling her in so I could gently touch my forehead to hers. “I’m sorry about that, you know. Sorry I came between you and your friend. It’s not right that you should lose a friend because of me, so I’m glad you’re talking again.” It was getting harder and harder to bite back the jealous wave sweeping over me. Of course I wanted to come between her and Mike, although I was sorry for any pain that had caused her. I didn’t want her to be talking to him in any way, but I needed her to fix that friendship…I needed Mike to look out for her when I couldn’t…while they were at Dartmouth…together. I clenched my teeth, hoping she didn’t notice, and quickly unclenched them. It was easier to say this while I wasn’t looking at her, so I kissed her gently on the forehead, closing my eyes and trying to contain the emotions swirling inside me. “I need you to tell me everything, okay?” I breathed, my lips whispering the words into her hair. “Especially when I’m not around, and even more so if you think I’m not going to like it.” That was the hardest part of all, knowing that she wouldn’t tell me everything. Perhaps, now, she would tell me more. I was afraid the more time she spent with Mike, away from me, the more opportunity there would be for me to lose her. But I knew she would be safer with Mike around, and I would simply have to trust her. That trust would have to be enough to keep me from going insane with envy.

She nodded her head slightly, “I promise.”

I managed a small smile, although my stomach was tightly clenched, as I pulled away from her and we started walking again. My sunglasses hid my eyes, which helped me to fake my way through the next several minutes, while we walked quietly and I got my emotions under control. We rounded a corner of the path and found Alice and Jasper by a brilliant orange and yellow glass sculpture that looked like a giant sea anemone gone berserk. They weren’t paying any attention to the sculpture, or us, too wrapped up in each other’s arms and looking like they were either about to kiss or had just finished kissing. Glad to have a distraction for once, I cleared my throat and nearly laughed when Jasper jumped slightly and quickly put a little distance between Alice and himself. We decided that the heat had become too much, and it was time to retreat back to the air conditioned comfort of Alice’s car and Bella’s house.

BPOV

The morning couldn’t have been more wonderful, like one of my Edward fantasies come true, only it kept going and going. Breakfast was cozy. Edward took every opportunity he had to hold my hand or kiss me, and I took a few myself. He seemed surprised that I didn’t hold myself back. Part of me was reassured that we had already made the decision not to make love—it was liberating in a way, like we were free to express ourselves physically now, without worry that it would lead to something we weren’t ready for. But it was more than that for me. I had realized a while back that when James had messed with my head last fall, it made me uncomfortable about showing affection in public. It felt like an embarrassing reminder of the humiliation of that night. Now, with James gone and dealt with, a burden had been lifted from me and those images no longer lurked in my mind. And, quite simply, I had a hard time keeping my hands off of Edward—the man was just that unbelievably lovely.

I wanted to share a little bit of Phoenix with Edward, and I thought our walk through the Gardens was nice, except for that awkward time when he asked about James and Mike. It seemed like a weight he had been carrying around, so I readily agreed to whatever he wanted. I almost had told him then, about Dartmouth, but I wasn’t prepared and it didn’t seem like the right time, with Jasper and Alice right around the corner.

We picked up Angela on the way to lunch, and sandwiched her in the back between Edward and I. Jasper and Alice were about as cute as a couple could be, sitting in the front seat, holding hands across the center console. They acted as if they known each other for months, not hours. Angela had been so excited to meet Alice for the first time, and I was relieved when they took an instant liking to one another, not that anyone could dislike Alice. On the way, Angela was giving me wide-eyed looks in the back seat that said, Good God, Bella, you didn’t tell me he was that hot! I just smiled wide and giggled a few times. Edward was looking strangely at us, unable to understand our secret code about his generally incredible gorgeousness, which at one point made me just melt down into hysterical laughter. I was sure he thought we had lost our minds.

The Thai place looked and smelled the same as the last time we were here, when I had my agonizing conversation with Angela about Dartmouth. I still hadn’t broached the subject with Edward, and I knew that would have to come soon, but I was delaying it as long as possible. Later, when we were alone, I would find the right time to bring it up. I was a little afraid of what his reaction would be.

We placed our orders and settled into one of the oversized booths. Angela was grinning ear to ear, and it was difficult to say which of the five of us was the happiest. In fact, the cloud of bliss that surrounded us would have inevitably sucked in the other customers, had there been any in the restaurant. Edward’s green eyes shone, staring deeply into mine and capturing me as they had so long ago on the boat.

And then it all changed in an instant as a pinging sound, signaling that another customer had entered the restaurant, rang and caused me to reflexively turn my head to look at the door. I saw him and froze. What was Mike doing here?

He hadn’t seen us yet. I looked quickly at Angela and her wide-eyed expression told me she didn’t know he was going to be here. What were the chances of him coming here, now? I was starting to panic, and Edward, who had been holding my hand on the table, noticed and frowned. “Who is that, Bella?” he asked in a quiet, strained whisper.

I felt the blood drain out of my face. “It’s Mike,” I said, barely audible, my eyes flicking to look at him. He had seen us, and was staring at us from across the room, his jaw clenched. He seemed to be struggling to decide what to do, finally making a decision and starting to walk towards us with a grim determination. I was already panicky, but now my heart leapt up to my throat. I stood as he approached our table, and Edward was on his feet in an instant. He still held my hand gently in his, but made no motion to pull me closer, protectively, to him. I was terrified.

Mike stopped a few feet away, leaving some distance between himself and Edward and I. “Bella,” Mike stated, only glancing at me, but staring openly at Edward, sizing him up.

“Mike,” I replied. I wasn’t sure if I thought they would fight, or yell, or something worse, but what came next shocked me.

Edward dropped my hand and offered it to Mike. “Mike, Edward. Nice to finally meet you,” Edward said in a level, calm voice. I stared at him in amazement, and so did Mike. Mike regarded Edward’s outstretched hand only a moment longer than was polite, and then took it and shook it briefly before they both dropped their hands. Edward’s hand found mine again, and gently held it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Jasper was on high alert, and my nerves were completely frazzled with this unexpected turn.

Mike was clearly struggling with what to say. “You’re…here,” he stated, leaving unsaid all kinds of things that seemed to be going through his head, and glancing at me. I was sure Mike was wondering if Edward had come to take me to California, or perhaps had changed plans entirely and was coming to Phoenix. I only wished those things were true.

“I’m just stopping by for a visit on my way to California,” said Edward, voice still unnaturally calm and seeming to choose his words carefully. “I think I owe you my thanks, Mike. I appreciate you saving Bella from that guy James.” Mike’s eyes went a little wider, and I was completely stunned. Edward smiled a little at me, and then looking back at Mike, said, “Bella’s lucky to have such a good friend to look out for her.”

This left Mike speechless for a moment, as he processed what Edward was saying. Then he replied, “Bella knows she can always count on me.” His eyes were narrowed now, though, as if he suspected Edward of something, but couldn’t figure out what it was.

“That’s good. I hope you don’t mind keeping an eye on her while you’re at Dartmouth…” Edward said, tentatively, and it seemed like he was finally a little tense. The tension of this whole conversation just shot through the roof for me, as Mike quirked an eyebrow at me. I hoped fervently that the panicked look on my face would convince Mike to not say anything about my plans to not attend Dartmouth. If he wanted to hurt me now, drive a wedge between Edward and I, he could do it and there was nothing I could do to stop him. The fleeting emotions that crossed Mike’s face as he looked at me told me that he knew this, and I literally started quaking with the anxiety of it. Edward’s hand closed a little tighter around mine, and I knew he could feel me trembling.

Mike took a deep breath before answering. “I’ll always look out for Bella, if I can,” he said to Edward, and then turned to look at me. “Bella? Can we talk?” he said, tilting his head back to the far side of the restaurant.

I nodded, jerkily, as the shaking in my body didn’t seem to be under control yet. I looked at Edward and said, “I’ll be right back.” He nodded, but the look on his face frightened me a little. He seemed to be holding something back, something terrifying, and I couldn’t understand what it was. As I turned to follow Mike, who had already turned away and was purposefully striding to the other side of the small restaurant, Edward pulled me back by the hand he still held, kissed me briefly on the cheek and whispered, “I love you, Bella,” in an almost pained voice that made me want to cry. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I was cursing myself for not having already talked to him about Dartmouth. At the same time, I was incredibly grateful to Mike for not spilling the truth out when it could have hurt me the most.

I joined Mike at the farthest point of the restaurant from Edward, Alice, Jasper and Angela, who were all trying to watch us without appearing to do so. Edward had taken his seat, and Jasper’s hand was lying on Edward’s arm, to restrain him or comfort him, I wasn’t sure which.

“What is he doing here, Bella?” Mike hissed at me in a hushed voice, his back turned to our observers.

“He’s just visiting, Mike, like he said. And thanks for not telling him about Dartmouth…I…I haven’t told him yet,” I bumbled out.

“Obviously,” Mike said, sarcastically, but the anger seemed to go out of him. “So, are you still thinking about going?” he asked, more hope in that question than I wanted there to be.

“I don’t know yet, Mike…I’m still trying to sort it out. I talked to my mom, and she thought maybe I could get a deferral for a year…” I was getting increasingly nervous, standing here talking to Mike, when I knew Edward was watching us and I was sure he wasn’t happy about it. My eyes kept moving anxiously back to the table where they were seated and I could see that Mike’s angry tone was upsetting Edward. Jasper seemed to be keeping him calm.

“A deferral…” Mike seemed to mull this for a moment. “Bella, I meant what I said. I’ll always be there for you, if you need me…” I looked back into Mike’s clear blue eyes, and I knew that he meant it, and that he was already a better friend than I deserved.

“Thanks, Mike. I’ll…I’ll let you know when I make my decision, okay? I promise.”

He seemed satisfied with this, and willing to let me go. I hurried back to the table as Mike watched me go, and then he turned and left the restaurant without another look back. I was glad he had not decided to stay and prolong the agony. Edward grasped my hand, a little roughly, when I sat down at the table again, and asked quietly, “Is everything okay?” He glanced at Mike’s retreating back outside the restaurant windows.

“Yeah,” I said, shakily. Jasper was watching Edward carefully, his hand still clutching mine, but Jasper didn’t seem as alarmed now. Angela had a permanently shocked look on her face, which she tried to hide by staring at the menu, even though we had already ordered. Alice was the only one who seemed relaxed, as if she knew the worst was over.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea he would be here.” I was desperate for something to say that would relieve the tension at the table. At my words, Edward’s face softened. He released my hand and reached up to tenderly touch my face. There was relief on his face that I didn’t understand, but it calmed my panicky heart to see the fear and anger that was there before had vanished.

“It’s not your fault, Bella,” he said as he gently stroked my cheek. How could I ever possibly deserve someone as beautiful and understanding as this man in front of me? I didn’t have any answer for that, but I was grateful beyond measure that he seemed to want to be with me…still. As soon as possible, I needed to be honest with him about Dartmouth…he deserved nothing less.

EPOV

My heart was still pounding with rage, anxiety and flat out fear, as our order for lunch came up. Jasper and I went to retrieve the food, and just getting up and moving around helped to ease some of the tension. When we returned to the table, a reasonable conversation resumed.

My carefully constructed plan to repair Mike and Bella’s friendship in order to keep her safe at Dartmouth seemed to go well enough when Mike fortuitously showed up, but then quickly unraveled when he had wanted to talk to her alone. I couldn’t hear them, partially because the blood was pounding in my ears, but I could tell he was angry and she was defensive, and it was about all I could do to keep from flying across the room and pulling Bella away from him. “You need to trust her,” Jasper had whispered to me, reassuring me, and of course he was right. If I couldn’t trust her to talk to him when I was sitting in the same room, how could I trust her going to school with him two thousand miles away? Still, it was one thing to know and another thing to watch. I was terribly relieved when Bella had quickly returned. The torrent of emotions still running through me started winding down as we ate.

After lunch, Alice announced that she and Angela had some important shopping to do, and that they would be requiring Jasper’s assistance. As Jasper did not look exactly disappointed about this, and I was looking for some alone time with Bella, we easily agreed to split up, dropping Alice, Jasper and Angela back at Angela’s house, and Bella and I returning to hers. The Phoenix heat was set on ‘high’ today, and the inside of Bella’s house felt almost refrigerated, with the air conditioner running at maximum.

We quickly found our way to the couch, and I briefly thought of grabbing a blanket to take off the chill, but then I decided that I would much rather create our own warmth. I had one more thing I wanted to ask Bella, and it was taking on more urgency given the turn of events at lunch…

BPOV

As soon as we were back at my house, I was intent on talking to Edward about Dartmouth, but he seemed to have other ideas. I curled up on the couch next to him, tucking my legs underneath me, getting comfortable, and was just about to launch into a serious discussion of our future, when he piped up.

“I was going to ask you to show me your room,” he grinned wickedly, “but the couch will do,” and he started kissing me. I’m not exactly immune to that sort of thing, so I figured a little kissing would be okay to pave the way for talking of a more serious nature. But his kisses progressed to something a lot more distracting as he slowly brushed his lips along my jaw and lightly trailed kisses along my neck to behind my ear, finding that place that always gives me the shivers when he touches it. I grabbed onto his shoulders and was torn between pushing him, oh so gently, away and pulling him down on the couch and giving as good as I was getting.

I sighed and realized I had better stop things now, or Alice and Jasper would be back before we came back up for air. “Edward?” I said, but it came out more as a gasp as his kisses had worked their way down and now were drawing a hot line across my collarbones, his warm breath contrasting with the chilly air conditioned air.

“Mmm…” he responded, which was more of a comment on what we were doing, than an answer to my query. He kissed right over his ring around my neck, continuing on to the other side.

“Edward,” I tried again, “I have something I need to talk to you about.” I was unsuccessful in keeping my voice entirely steady as he was kissing the hollow of my throat and it was, frankly, driving me insane. But I did manage to get the words out.

He pulled away, looking up into my eyes. His were dancing—he knew exactly what effect he was having on me, and seemed very pleased with himself. “Well, good, because I have something I need to talk to you about, too,” he replied, grinning. I was fairly certain they weren’t the same things.

“You go first,” I said, trying to get my heart rate under control before I launched into this discussion that I did not want to have. He sat up, leaning his head against his hand with his arm braced against the back of the couch, and was staring seductively into my eyes, our faces only a few inches apart. At least it felt seductive, as I was sucked into the twin emerald lakes of his eyes. A small, crooked grin played on his lips.

“I think you should come visit me in California,” he said, and paused to see what I thought of this. I opened my mouth and closed it, stunned that maybe we were talking about the same thing. He took my gaping as hesitation, as if somehow I wouldn’t want to come, which of course was crazy.

“I know it’s a long drive, and out of your way, but you could come with Angela,” he continued, quickly, trying to talk me into it. “I don’t know how soon you’re planning on leaving for Dartmouth, but it would only be for a few days.” I continued to be speechless, wondering how to get from this to what I wanted to say. “But…” was all I managed to get out before he was leaning in again, kissing me and smiling at the same time.

“Of course, I could try to talk you into it…” he said, as he peppered more kisses down my jawbone, completely scrambling my thoughts again.

“Edward, stop,” I said, unsuccessfully trying to push him gently away, so I could think coherently and form a complete sentence.

“Not until you say yes…” he said, outrageously brushing his lips against my skin as he spoke, sending more shivers throughout me.

“Yes!” I croaked, grabbing him by the shirt and hauling his lips up to mine so I could stop him, and also because I was desperate for a proper kiss from him. He kissed me back, fierce all of a sudden, as if he had actually expected me to say no. It was a possessive and urgent kiss, no teasing about it, and it left me breathless when he finally pulled back, suddenly tender and gently nuzzling my cheek.

“It was going to be very hard for me to leave tomorrow, if I didn’t know I was going to see you again soon,” he admitted softly. I pulled a little away from him and looked into his eyes again.

“Edward, I was already planning on coming,” I told him. “I’m driving out with Angela. We should be there by Friday night.”

“This Friday?” he asked, surprised and delighted, making me smile that he was so happy about it.

“Yes,” I reassured him, but then he shook his head a little.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked, confused.

“Well, that’s what I needed to talk to you about…” I started, taking a deep breath to steady myself and my nerves. “I’m thinking about not going to Dartmouth this fall.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking about what I said. When he still looked confused, just frowning, I added, “I’m coming out to tour Monterey Bay, to see if I want to go there.” It finally sunk in and he let out a small sigh as if he was in some sort of pain. I’m not sure what reaction I was hoping for—maybe a happy hug or a delighted smile—but a gasp of pain was definitely not it. “Unless you don’t want me to…” I eked out, a weird trembling feeling starting inside me.

“Want you to?” he asked, loudly, almost shouting and angry at me. He grabbed me and hugged me, and buried his face in my hair. “Don’t ever, ever, think that I don’t want you with me, Bella,” he said, voice choked with emotion. He pulled back, softly now, holding my cheek in one hand, looking gently into my eyes. “Bella, I want you with me all the time. I want to wake up in the morning and have you there. I want to have all the time in the world to spend with you.” As he rushed through, saying these words that were making my heart pound with gladness, he looked more and more sad. “But,” he continued, “you can’t give up Dartmouth just to come be with me.” It looked like it was causing him pain to say these words. “If…if…” he was struggling now, conflicting emotions on his face, “if you come to Monterey Bay, and then decide at some point that I’m not the right guy for you,” he cringed even further, the pain clear on his face, “then you’ll have given up your dream, and I’ll just be the guy who ruined your life. I can’t be that, Bella.” He was shaking his head, and he looked so hurt I couldn’t help but reach out and hug him and hold him close for a moment.

“You could never be the guy that ruins my life, Edward,” I whispered as I held him. “Unless you decide you don’t want to be with me…”

He pulled back again so he could look into my eyes with a very serious expression. “That’s never going to happen, Bella.”

I nodded, not sure whether to believe it or not, but wanting to, with everything I had. He turned sad again, with a tortured expression on his face. He shook his head slowly. “Bella, you can’t give up Dartmouth to follow me around the world. It’s your dream…”

“It’s not my dream,” I protested, earning a confused look from him. “I mean, yes, I’ve been working for it forever, but it was never really my dream. It was my mom’s dream, or maybe some idealized idea I had in my head, a goal I set a long time ago and never really thought about again. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do when I got there!”

He nodded slightly at this, thinking it over.

“Now, I’m thinking I want to be a teacher,” I continued, “and I don’t have to go to Dartmouth to do that. Monterey Bay has a teaching program…” I trailed off at the surprised look on his face.

“You want to be a teacher?” he asked.

“Well, maybe, I’ve just started thinking about it. But, yeah, I think I’d like to teach English. I could torture generations to come with Wuthering Heights. There’s quite some appeal, there…” I smiled and he laughed a little, before turning serious again.

“Bella, it’s still a huge thing to give up. And even if you came to Monterey Bay, which I would love,” he paused to gently stroke my cheek, “I’m only going to be at DLI for two years. I’m going to be in the Navy for a couple years, at least, possibly my whole career,” he said, growing exasperated again. “Who knows where I’ll be deployed! You can’t give up your whole life just to follow me around the world!”

I leaned in and kissed him tenderly, smiling as I pulled back. “Leaving aside that following you around the world sounds absolutely wonderful to me,” I said, grinning now, and loving that he grinned back, “I’m not giving up my life. I may not even have to give up Dartmouth,” I said, at which he held still and paid close attention to what I was saying. “I might be able to get a deferral, put it off for a year. That way…” I hesitated a little, the emotion clogging up my throat all of a sudden, “…that way we would have a year, to be together—to decide things.” He had a slightly shocked look on his face. It quickly turned into hope and a hunger that I had not seen before. It finally occurred to me that he wanted this as much as I did.

“Do you think you could get it, the deferral?” he asked, eager and yet almost afraid to ask.

“I…I don’t know…my mom thinks so. I’m going to call them tomorrow and see if I can find out. It’s not long until school starts…I don’t know…”

“Bella,” he breathed out, almost unable to contain his excitement, “if you could come, be with me, even for a year…” His eyes were almost pleading and he couldn’t go on.

“It’s what I want too…” I said, stopping him, fingers pressed to his lips. I dropped my hand and he held gathered my hands in his.

He was thoughtful for a moment, not looking at me, staring at our hands which were intertwined between us. “If you can’t get the deferral,” he said quietly, still not looking at me, “then what are you going to do?”

I couldn’t speak for a moment. I wanted to say that I would come anyway, because it was what I really wanted. Once I had the possibility of coming out there, giving it up seemed like a horrible tragedy…I didn’t know if I could not come. “I’m not sure,” I said, “That’s part of why I’m coming out to visit the school. It might be just what I’m looking for, anyway…” I trailed off, waiting to see what he would think. He finally looked up at me, green eyes filled with hope, hunger and…love.

“You know that no matter where you are, that I’m still going to love you, right?” he asked softly.

“I know,” I said, and in that moment, I did, although I still wondered if it would last. “And you know that no matter where I go, I’m still going to be madly in love with you…so don’t even think about finding another girlfriend…”

He laughed quietly and gently grabbed my face and kissed me. His lips gently brushing my cheek as he spoke, he whispered, “Bella, there’s no one else for me, but you. There never will be.”

After that, we held each other for a long time, curled up on the couch, my head tucked underneath his chin, feeling the warm pulsing of his heartbeat and the steady thrum of his breathing. There wasn’t much left to say, so we just stayed quiet. Eventually, he went and found a blanket for us, and wrapped us up tightly in it, the warmth of our bodies mingling and creating a safe haven. Together…somehow, together we would find a way to make this work.

Dearest Readers,

Sigh. Please let me know what you think…reviews make me happy!

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Chapter: 20

Chapter 20 – Bridge to California

Dearest Readers,

Yes, I am shamelessly stealing movie titles for my chapter titles now…I’m not sure what’s possessed me. This chapter is short and fluffy, but hopefully will tide you over until the last chapter…so enjoy!

EPOV

The two of us, cuddled up on the couch, was one of those timeless moments. It reminded me of when we stood on the top deck of the ship for a long time, just holding each other, her head tucked under my chin, feeling as if everything was right in the world and that time had stopped just for us. Of course, it hadn’t, and although Alice took most of the afternoon to shop, she and Jasper did eventually return.

Even when they did, we were reluctant to pry ourselves from the couch, but Alice insisted that she have her ‘Bella-time’ and I had to let her go. I could tell she didn’t want to leave either, but Alice is irresistible and her delight in taking Bella shopping was infectious—Bella was smiling on her way out the door.

Jasper had retrieved two Cokes from the refrigerator and brought them to the living room, handing me one as I still sat on the couch. He had a smile on his face, something that seemed permanently etched there ever since he had met my sister. Perched on the arm of the stuffed chair next to the couch, he toasted me with his Coke and said, “Let’s hear it for deferrals!”

“Angela told you?” I guessed.

He nodded, looking carefully at me, “It’s the answer to all your problems, right?”

“It would be great,” I admitted, “but what if she doesn’t get it? What if she has to choose—between coming to Monterey Bay and going to Dartmouth?”

“You mean…what if she has to choose between coming to be with you or going to be with that Mike character?” Jasper asked, one eyebrow raised.

“No,” I said, angrily, resenting the implication that she might choose to be with Mike. “Bella loves me,” I retorted. I feared I might lose her one day, if she was there long enough with Mike, but I didn’t think she would choose him outright, today. I knew she loved me…now.

“That’s right, she does,” Jasper replied seriously, satisfied with my answer, apparently. “You need to trust her to make the right choice,” he said calmly, taking a sip of his Coke. I nodded, morosely, finding no comfort in that. If she chose to go to Dartmouth, my life would still be a misery.

“Besides,” Jasper added, with the hint of that smile returning, “if you two are anything like Alice and I, you’ll be getting married soon, anyway.”

“What??” I yelped, jumping up from the couch and nearly spilling my Coke. Jasper burst out laughing. At the look on my face, he doubled over he was laughing so hard.

“Edward,” he choked out between snorts, “…the look on your face…Alice is going to kill me…” He paused to take a breath to calm his hysterics. I glared at him, extremely not amused at his joke. “I only meant that you and Bella are meant to be together, just like Alice and I.”

“Not if I kill you first…” I continued glaring at him, only half joking myself.

“Oh, c’mon, you know it’s true…” he said, shaking his head, which I was tempted to smack just for good measure. More seriously, he added, “You know, I don’t know how you managed, only seeing Bella for four days on the cruise, and then being separated all this time. No wonder you were so messed up when you got to boot camp. If I had to be separated from Alice, now, after just getting to know her…” he trailed off, shaking his head again. “Look, I know how hard it would be if she ended up choosing to go to Dartmouth. But, you guys are going to make it work somehow…”

“Yeah, but we really haven’t had a chance yet…we need some time together,” I argued. I paused for a moment and then added, quietly, “I think I could talk her into coming to Monterey Bay, even if she doesn’t get the deferral.”

“Do you really want to do that?” Jasper asked, skeptically. “Isn’t it better if you let her decide?” Before I could answer that, he continued, “She knows you want her to come to Monterey Bay, right?”

“She knows.”

“Then you have to leave it up to her,” he stated.

“It’s going to kill me if she doesn’t come, Jasper,” I said, softly.

“It will be hard, but it won’t kill you. I hear you write a mean letter…” he was grinning at me again, and I frowned, wondering if he had been reading over my shoulder at boot camp. “The girls are impressed, at least,” he added, shrugging. I was shocked when I realized that Bella must have shared some of my letters with Angela…and Alice? I pondered that for a moment.

“Yeah, well, letters are nothing like the real thing,” I said, bleakly.

“Amen, brother,” Jasper said, leaning forward and clinking Coke cans with me. I frowned at him again. He really needed to stop talking like that about my sister.

BPOV

I was beginning to wonder what the limits of Alice’s shopping endurance were. She had been shopping all afternoon with Angela, with Jasper likely holding her bags and following them around, and now we were out for round two. Except for the fact that I wanted to be back on the couch at my house with Edward, I wouldn’t have minded at all. Alice’s exuberance always swept me up and I was game for whatever she had planned.

We were looking through the new round of fall clothes for school…well, Alice was looking and I was holding her selections while I waited until she ordered me to start trying things on.

“Deferral, huh?” Alice mused as she pulled out a pair of chocolate brown slacks and held them up to me, checking to see if they were just the right shade.

I nodded. I knew that Angela would have briefed Alice and Jasper on my plans. “Maybe,” I added. “I’m going to call tomorrow, to see if I can find out how hard it is to get one.”

“You know Edward will be in heaven if you come to Monterey Bay, right?” she asked, not looking at me and still eyeing additional choices in brown slacks.

“Um, yeah, me too,” I said quietly. I smiled at the thought of being with him, and felt my heart trip a little. I didn’t know what I was going to do if the deferral didn’t come through. I would be right back to having to decide to give up Dartmouth, and while I could see all the reasons why it would make sense, there was something holding me back. I needed to be sure, and I didn’t have any idea how I could be. Ever since I had met Edward, everything had been turned on its ear…things that I thought I had known since I was in seventh grade were being thrown out the window…all my plans for life were being changed…

“You know, I’ve known you two were right for each other from the beginning,” she said, holding two different pairs of brown pants up to me. I couldn’t see any difference between them.

“You did?” I asked, teasingly skeptical.

“Of course. All I ask is that you let me help you pick out the bridesmaid’s dresses, because I absolutely refuse to wear anything with chiffon,” she said offhandedly, but looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she put the pants back on the rack.

“Alice!” I gasped.

“What?” she said innocently, but she was unable to restrain a smile.

“We’re not getting married!” I said, a little outraged, although I had to admit to myself that the thought had strayed across my mind on occasion. Just as a passing thing, nothing serious. I mean, we were both so young, and…

“Of course you are, dear,” Alice interrupted my thoughts and patted my arm with her tiny hand. She was maddeningly sure of herself, and it was unnerving me. Everything was rushing so fast…

“I can’t even decide where to go to college, Alice!” I said, exasperated and frustrated at the same time.

“What’s to decide? You’re coming to Monterey Bay,” she said, but with a knowing look.

“But what if I don’t get the deferral?” I asked rhetorically, feeling like she was leading me down some path here. “Then I have to decide if I still want to go to Dartmouth, or if I’m going to give that up completely and go to Monterey Bay instead.”

“And when you decide to come to Monterey Bay, you will have to be roommates with Angela and I,” she stated calmly, still leafing through the racks. “It will be awful, but you really don’t have a choice there,” she said, grinning.

“It’s that easy, huh?” I asked, laughing uneasily.

She finally turned to me, her blue eyes intense. “No, it’s not easy, but it is simple.” She took my hand in hers and gave it a small squeeze, before releasing it. “Eventually, you and I are going to be sisters. Whatever you decide, it won’t change that.” She turned back to a rack of blouses and said, more lightly, “You know, I think tomorrow I need to make my own phone call to Dartmouth, see if I can find some dirt on the admissions officer. I’m sure a little blackmail would go a long way…”

“Alice!” I chastised her, only half seriously.

“Don’t ‘Alice’ me! This is important. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and all that…what do you think of this?” She held up an emerald collared shirt that looked too bright for my pale complexion, but she seemed to think that it worked for me, because it went into the ‘try on’ pile. I just shook my head, resignedly, and enjoyed the time I had left with her.

EPOV

By the time Alice and Bella had returned, the pizza guy had delivered dinner. I didn’t realize that we had plans for the evening until Bella ordered us back into the car and drove us to an outdoor amphitheatre. We spread our blankets out on the grass and sat down as the sun started setting, bringing a fiery red haze to the sky. Just as the sun dipped below the mountains to the West, the concert started, featuring a jazz pianist I didn’t recognize. Bella was snuggled up next to me, her head leaning back softly on my chest and my arms wrapped around her. I gave her a small squeeze to let her know how perfect this was—the music, the warm evening out under the stars just starting to peek out of the indigo sky. I lightly tapped the rhythm of the music on her hands, crossed underneath mine across her stomach. Her hair blew softly in the light breeze, tickling my face, until I smoothed it back down her neck and tucked it behind her back. I was trying to absorb it all…the smoothness of her skin, the softness of her hair, the sweetness of her smile when she leaned back to look at me…I wanted to commit it to memory, so I would be able to recall this night when I was spending endless hours in class or countless nights without her. I shook my head slightly, trying to clear those thoughts away and just enjoy the evening. Before I knew it, it was over. A slight cooling had seeped in over the theatre and it was time to go back to Bella’s house.

We said an extended goodbye that night, Bella and I, before retiring to our respective rooms. Jasper and Alice had already said their goodnights and gone to bed. We would have to leave early in the morning if we were to make the ten hour drive to the California in time for the six o’clock check-in at the Presidio quarterdeck. I briefly thought of keeping Bella up all night, quite willing to give up sleep to have a few extra hours with her. But, I could tell she was tired, eyes drifting close even during the concert…it had been a long day, and I knew I would see her at the end of the week. She had promised to come for the weekend, and I could see her as soon as I was out on liberty. After that…well, we would have to see. For now, it was enough to kiss her goodnight several dozen times, and tell her I loved her a few more. It would hold me until then.

BPOV

He was leaving. Even though I knew I would see him in a few short days, I was still having flashbacks to the pier, that wordless goodbye that ripped my heart out. I knew this was different. He loved me. I loved him. So why the aching hollow feeling in my chest?

I hadn’t slept much, tossing and turning, tiny Alice taking up an enormous fraction of my full sized bed. Here I stood, at six o’clock in the morning in my pajamas, hair some kind of atrocious mess, kissing the love of my life goodbye as if I would never see him again. I couldn’t help clinging to him desperately, even as Jasper yelled from the car that he didn’t want to get cursed out by the intake officer because Edward had to kiss his girlfriend goodbye. It felt only slightly better that Edward made no move to leave, in spite of Jasper’s repeated threats to come out of the car and physically drag him to it.

“Can I call you?” I asked.

“I don’t know what our phone privileges are, yet. I’ll call you if I can. Otherwise, I’ll see you Friday night, as soon as we get released on liberty.” His voice was hushed, although there was no one to overhear us.

“Promise you’ll call?”

“Do you want me to write? I could send one letter, maybe, that would get here before Friday.”

“Call and write.”

“Promise.”

“And think about me all the time, and have dreams about me. Maybe daydreams too.” He smiled at that, and I basked in the sunshine of it. How could I possibly live without that, even for a few days? No wonder my hands wouldn’t let go of him.

“I really do have to go now. It won’t be pretty if Jasper gets out of the car.”

I smiled, kissed him one last time, and said, “Go.”

And he went. I stood a long time in the driveway, bare feet on the concrete, watching Alice’s car slip away down the street and disappear around the corner. It was going dangerously fast, and I think they probably would get there on time, if they let Alice drive. I stood there until the silence of the early morning street made me feel even lonelier. I turned to go inside, have a good cry and pray for Friday to come.

EPOV

Ten hours in the car with Jasper and Alice. It wasn’t as stressful as the first ten hours out of Corpus Christi, because I was used to their hand-holding, their furtive whispers and occasional kisses when they thought I wasn’t looking. But it was much more painful—leaving Bella was more difficult than I thought, and it was worse when I had the lovebirds to watch. I couldn’t decide if it was worse to watch Jasper gaze at Alice with those love-sick puppy eyes, or occasionally play with her spiky hair as she drove, or to see the same look on Alice infused with an undisguised attraction that seemed like I should avert my eyes from seeing it—which I mostly did.

The early morning drive through the painted Arizona desert was easy on the eyes and provided a reasonable distraction. Even the high desert of California was interesting, with scrub brush and low winding mountains to traverse. But once we hit the endless city of Los Angeles, and mired in the midday traffic there, it was a tossup as to whether we would make it to the Presidio before evening or if I would go mad with the waiting in the meantime. Fortunately, traffic dissipated as we left the north side of the city and made our way through the artificially irrigated San Joaquin Valley. With endless rows of vegetables and flowers growing in swaths on either side of the freeway, sheltered from the coastal sprays and the desert heat by the low lying mountains surrounding the valley, it seemed like we were stuck in some kind of endless loop of an agricultural film.

Then, we swerved towards the West and I had my first glimpse of the California coastline. The crashing waves, high rocky cliffs, and large flotillas of seaweed looked nothing like the Bahamian beaches where I often went in my daydreams with Bella—but they were a bittersweet reminder all the same. The last hour of our trip we flirted with the beach, the road dipping closer to the shore, and then shifting inland so that we could only smell the salt water, but not see it. The sun was slowly sinking, but it looked like we would make it in time for check-in after all. I was looking forward to it. I needed the rigor of Navy protocol to keep my mind off the empty space inside where Bella should be, and to endure the week while she decided if she wanted to change her life just to be with me.

Dearest Readers,

Poor Edward – at least he has the beautiful Monterey vistas to calm him while he awaits Bella’s visit. I promise not to keep you waiting too long either…but reviews make me write faster!

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Chapter: 21

Chapter 21 – A Campus with a View

Dearest Readers,

As many of you noticed from my subtle hint last time, this was supposed to be the last chapter of Life, Liberty and Pursuit…but the story had other ideas, and apparently I was wrong, because this is not the last chapter! However, we are near the end—there will be one more chapter after this, and then an epilogue…

BPOV

Love is sudden and fierce. One minute you’re living your life as you’ve planned it all along, the next moment you’re plunging into the murky depths of love, falling, unsure where the bottom is. Love is slow. It steadily steals over you, seeping into your skin, your thoughts, and the fabric of your life until it is so completely a part of you that you could never be separated from it again. It is part of who you are. But love is not just something that happens to you. It is a choice, a decision that is made with the conscious, rational part of yourself—a deliberate action that you are completely responsible for and which you have to live with the consequences.

These thoughts were rumbling through my head as I spent most of the day on Monday moping. Not just your general, sit around, watch a video, and eat some ice cream kind of moping. This was serious, lie in bed, stare at the ceiling, and re-read Edward’s letters kind of moping, and it was bordering on unhealthy. I did manage to call the Dartmouth admission office and the very kind, but bored sounding, receptionist said that I needed to write up the reason I was requesting a deferral and FAX it in. Simple, right? After dragging myself from bed, I had been staring at the computer screen for half an hour now, trying to figure out what to write.

Dear Dartmouth Admission Officer,

There is an extremely hot young Naval linguist in California that I would really like to get to know better, so I am requesting that you defer my enrollment for one year, while I pursue my options there.

Honest, but I didn’t think that was going to earn me the deferral that was going to make this all so easy for me. I held down the delete key until the truth disappeared. If I had the deferral, I wouldn’t have to make a choice…as Alice said, what’s to decide? Of course I would take the deferral—I would go to Monterey Bay for a year and all would be well. I think. And then?

That was the question that kept nagging at the back of my mind. As Edward pointed out, he was only there for two years. Then he would be deployed…somewhere. It could be anywhere in the world. He could be on some super secret floating command vessel somewhere in the world, and I wouldn’t even know where he was. And then what?

And what about my life, my dreams? I was just beginning to figure out what those were. I think I want to be a teacher, but I had only recently even considered that…and I didn’t even think of it, Angela did. College was supposed to be the time where you prepare for the rest of your life, decide what you want to do. Maybe it was a being a teacher…maybe not. Dartmouth was one of the best liberal arts colleges in the country. Whatever I decided to do there, I would come out with a good start. If I went to Monterey Bay…well, I knew Mike was right about that. I would be trading down. It was a fine school, but it wasn’t Dartmouth. If I knew for certain what I wanted to do, maybe Monterey Bay would be enough…I just didn’t know. I needed more time, time to figure it out. I felt like I was making a decision I wasn’t ready to make.

It was the same with Edward. Edward and I needed more time…time to figure out if we were going to work. Although I loved him desperately from nearly the moment that we met, I didn’t really know him…I knew parts of him, but I discovered something new with each letter, call, and visit. And I loved that, I wanted to know more and more about him. That was part of how I knew that I loved him—this wasn’t some kind of crush or fleeting attraction, although the way that boy could make my heart stutter continued to be monumentally unfair. I just needed more time to get to know him. Could I change all my plans, just to be with him? Did I know him well enough for that? I had no idea what the future would hold with him, in any event. What future could we have together?

Fate wasn’t just a harsh mistress, she was an evil bitch wreaking havoc in my life and tearing my heart to pieces. Fate had brought Edward and me together on that boat, what seemed like forever ago but was only a few months, and now seemed to be doing everything possible to keep us apart. It was wrong. But I didn’t know if going to Monterey Bay would make it right.

I stared at the computer screen. I wasn’t at all sure if the deferral was the right thing to do, but I had to at least give it a try. I wrote some complete lie about pursuing academic opportunities at CSU Monterey Bay and FAX’d it into the admissions office, along with my cell phone number so I would know as soon as they decided.

I returned to moping. My mom would be coming home again tomorrow, and I needed to get all my gloom out before she arrived…

EPOV

We were back in uniform, restricted to barracks or the library after classes and still doing a lot of PT and drills, but at least there were no RDCs in our face or early morning reveille. In fact, DLI felt a lot more like school than boot camp, even though we still weren’t on liberty and apparently wouldn’t have phone privileges until our four week “lock-down” period was over. Jasper had managed to get us bunks together, which was fairly unnecessary since I rarely left his side. We were both studying Arabic, the largest division of the Navy’s CIDD (Center for Information Dominance Detachment), next to Asian languages, so we spent all our time in classes together. Seven hours a day in class, plus two to three hours of homework at night. There wouldn’t be much point to having liberty as we never left the library anyway.

Fortunately, my daydreams of Bella continued, and my nightly visitations resumed. The two nights that I had spent with the real Bella, my dream Bella had been strangely absent. She was back now, much to my relief, although Jasper was probably regretting requesting the bunk above me now.

Our instructor, Dr. Karida, was a civilian and a native speaker, which I was sure made the language instruction more authentic, but I was having a hard time understanding her at all. My Basic Arabic Course was filled with officers and enlisted of all ages and branches, as well as some government type civilians, and I wasn’t the only one struggling two days in. There were a number of female military and civilians in our class, some even attractive, but I was pleasantly surprised to see Jasper hardly noticed. He seemed to have his own daydream distractions now.

We broke for lunch, grabbed something from the snack truck run by the Air Force guys and sat in the open courtyard, enjoying the amazing California weather. Gone were the mugginess of Texas and the furnace of Phoenix, leaving just a gentle warmth, a light breeze and the faint scent of the ocean. It was unfortunate that we had to spend so much time inside. I was beginning to think there might be some merits to studying in the courtyard instead of the library tonight.

I had written Bella a letter the first night that we arrived, and then again yesterday, but anything I sent now would surely not arrive before she left Phoenix. It was constantly in my thoughts, the number of days and hours until I would see her again, but there was a hollow feeling that followed when I realized I didn’t know where she would be after this weekend. I could send a letter today, but to where?

“How are you holding up?” asked Jasper, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Fine. You?” I knew he was missing Alice already. Although she was just a few miles away at Fort Ord, he couldn’t contact her any more than I could call Bella.

“Bi khairiñ,” he said, using our newest conversational phrase, meaning Good. “Ready for Friday to get here,” he added. I nodded and focused on finishing my lunch. I had been thinking, when I wasn’t trying to concentrate on how to decipher Dr. Karida, about the conversation Bella and I had over the weekend, and the decision she would be making this week. I hoped like crazy that the deferral came through. I wanted Bella to come to Monterey Bay like I had wanted nothing before. I didn’t even know it was a possibility before this weekend, but now I was convinced we needed it. We needed the chance to spend time together, get to know each other better, so that we could trust each other. Even if we were separated after that, if we had that time to hold onto…if I had that time to hold onto, anything would be bearable. Even now, separated for only a few days but uncertain of what she was thinking, was difficult to endure.

I threw away the trash from lunch and pulled out my books so that I could look over our lessons for the afternoon before class started up again. Yesterday, during our induction class, the commander had spoken to us about a special training program that the top students in our class might qualify for. If we excelled during our first year of coursework, we might be one of the few selected to transfer to the Washington, D.C. branch of DLI, as a part of the special Defense Attaché Office, where we would train to be Defense Liaisons to an Embassy or Consulate. There was also the possibility that we could do some intelligence work. It was exactly the kind of assignment I wanted, and it had the advantage of being a lot closer to New Hampshire, where Bella might be going to Dartmouth. If I worked hard enough, I might qualify. I cracked open my books, determined to get a head start on my lessons for the afternoon. Besides, I needed a distraction from my thoughts about waiting for Bella…and Bella’s decision.

“Aren’t we supposed to be on break?” complained Jasper as he saw me diving back into our conversational Arabic text.

“Iaa,” I replied with a small grin. No.

BPOV

My mom had come home to help me pack for my trip, which was laughable since I was usually the one helping her pack, she was so terrible at it. But I knew that was just an excuse to come see me off—Phil was still in Florida—she had come back just for me.

She was in the kitchen again, trying a new recipe, something for dinner. I smiled as I watched her haul out an old mixer that hadn’t been used in years. It looked like it was as likely to short out and start a kitchen fire, as mix whatever she was whipping up. I had been trying not to drag around the house like depressed puppy, but my head was still swirling with thoughts about Edward and college. I waited until she had turned the mixer off before asking her—I didn’t want her to lose any fingers.

“Mom?”

“Hmm?” She was stirring something that might be mashed potatoes.

“Why did you and Dad get married?” I asked. I had heard the story before, of course. He was a dashing young police officer, she was the popular cheerleader turned community college student. They were in love, they got married. It had an eerie ring of familiarity to it, but it seemed like I had never gotten the full story.

She turned to me, tasting her creation, and laying the spoon on the kitchen counter. “I married your Dad because I loved him, and because we were having you, sweetie.” She smiled tightly. “I’ve told you that story a thousand times.”

“Would you have married him, if I hadn’t been part of the picture?” I asked. It had never occurred to me before to ask this. She looked at me for a moment, and then looked down at her hands as they twisted before her.

“I’m not sure. We certainly had no plans to get married before you came along. In time, your Dad and I…we just grew apart. I still love him, you know…never really stopped loving him. We just sort of fell out of love, I guess.” She looked back up at me with concern in her face. “I don’t regret it, though. I got you out of it, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, sweetie.” She came over and knelt before me, as I sat on the kitchen chair. “You know that, right?” Of course I knew she loved me…and I also knew that having me really changed her life, and not for the better. It was something she had always wanted to make sure I didn’t do…repeat her mistakes.

“I know, Mom, don’t worry. I was just wondering, you know, if you would have chosen to be with Dad, if you’d had the choice.” She straightened up, and then sat on the chair next to me, looking thoughtful.

“I think that maybe, by the time we would have gotten around to getting married, I would have figured out that he and I really were very different people. Your dad is wonderful,” she said, smiling at me tightly again, “but he doesn’t have much tolerance for my antics.” She rolled her eyes. She knew she was a little nutty sometimes. More seriously, she added, “That’s why I’ve wanted you to get your education first, why I’ve maybe pushed you, a little too hard, to take college seriously. I wanted you to figure out who you were first, before you got locked into a marriage that might not be right for you. I just didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”

“I know, Mom,” I said, patting her reassuringly. This part I did know—it had been the mantra of my childhood…go to college…don’t get married early…I was still planning on doing both of those things, no matter how things worked out with Dartmouth. I knew that Mom had been trapped into an early marriage, and then chose to leave when it didn’t really work out. I knew that was one mistake I was never going to make—I wouldn’t get married until I was sure, and then I would make it work. She was looking into my eyes now, her clear blue eyes filled with some soft emotion…love or pride, it was hard to tell.

“You are so much smarter than I was at your age, Bella,” she said. I gave her a skeptical look. My mom acted ditzy, but she was nowhere near as dim as she seemed. “It’s true,” she insisted, “and not just school smart. You are wise, my little Bella. You always seem to know the right thing to do. If I had been as perceptive as you, at your age, I think I would have made some different choices in my life.”

I just looked at her, biting my lip, unsure if I should object to what she was saying or console her. I certainly didn’t feel wise, just agonized.

“What about Phil?” I asked. “How did you know you wanted to marry him?”

She laughed lightly, as if I was asking a silly question. “Marrying Phil was easy! What’s not to love about a gorgeous guy that wants to play games all day?” My crazy mom was back again. I just shook my head at her. “Phil makes me feel loved and cared for, and he accepts me for what I am. That’s all I’m looking for now, sweetie.” I nodded, actually understanding this time. I could see the way they looked at each other, the love Phil had for my mom. It was the only reason why I tolerated the big lug in my life…that, and he kind of grew on you after a while. He adored her, would do anything for her, and was shaping up well enough that I could entrust him to take care of her while I was gone…wherever I ended up going.

She rescued me from my dive back into depression by smiling at me again, this time with a glimmer in her eyes. “You know I’m going to miss you so much, sweetie,” she said, and those were definitely tears in her eyes now. Great, I was making Mom cry. Not where I wanted to go with this.

“But, you know, I’ve seen how you are around him,” she said, smiling the tears back. “You’re…confident…happy…” she was searching for words. “I know he would take good care of my baby.” The tears were back, but now they were mine. I knew she would miss me, but I hadn’t realized that maybe she might worry about me…like I was worried about her. It was way too mom-ish for me, and I had to put a stop to it.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Mom, I can take care of myself! That’s how my mom raised me.” I soldiered on through my little speech, trying to pretend that I wasn’t about to erupt into tears. She laughed, more lightly now.

“Well, I guess I didn’t leave you much choice about that, did I?”

I gave up and threw my arms around her, hugging her. “I’m going to miss you, too, Mom.”

She hugged me back hard and we were quiet for a moment. Then, more brightly, she added, wiping away the tears, “Any word on the deferral?”

“Not yet. They said it might take a few days.” She nodded and returned to her potatoes, cooling on the counter.

Marriage…I thought back to Alice and her utter conviction that Edward and I were going to get married. I could barely figure out where I was going to start school in a couple weeks, much less think about marriage. When she said that, it had panicked me. If I gave up Dartmouth to go be with Edward, was that what I was doing? Was getting married just inevitable after that? I knew I wasn’t ready for marriage, not even close.

What would being married to Edward be like? Just being with him at all seemed impossible on the face of it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Edward and I would always be apart, at least some of the time, if he continued to be in the Navy. Deployments, reassignments, short leaves followed by long absences. We would never be together the way that a normal couple would. At any time, he could be sent on an assignment in a distant land, and then we would be separated again, for who knew how long. I had a hard enough time enduring the separation while he was in boot camp…and yet, we had lived and somehow grown stronger during that separation.

I suddenly realized that the time in boot camp was actually wonderful in many ways. It forced us to be honest, through our letters, in ways that we probably would not have been, had we not been forced to put pen to paper. I missed and ached for him, yes, but I had also found other things, like teaching the kids in camp, that I enjoyed. The hardest time wasn’t so much when we were apart, as when we were unsure…about what we meant to each other, what the other one was thinking. That, more than anything, was why I wanted by going to Monterey Bay. I wanted to know for certain that he loved me, that he wouldn’t forget about me as time went on—that he wouldn’t find someone else. The longer we were separated over the summer, the more deeply in love with him I fell—not less so. I just wasn’t sure if it was the same with him. I was afraid. Everything he said, everything he did, told me that he loved me, but I was still afraid that I would lose him, and I knew I would regret that for the rest of my life.

I watched as my mom was cooking some kind of chicken now. Oregano and tomato sauce wafted through the air…it actually smelled good. With any luck, we would be eating in tonight.

EPOV

I was having a dream. Some part of me knew it was dream, the same dream I had before…I was on that beach, the one with the giant boulders strewn across it, but this time I recognized it…Monterey Bay…Bella was there with that white sundress whipping around her bare legs, looking lovely and playful. She was laughing and running towards me, bringing the book. I caught her up in my arms and kissed her for a long time, not wanting to let go. She playfully beat me back, pulling away slightly. I saw now that she had two books, and she insisted that I take the one she held out to me. It was a different book this time, filled with Arabic words and their translations. She was telling me to study, to work hard, so we could be together. I took the book, curving the arm holding it around behind my back and pulling her back to me for another kiss with the other hand. She laughed as she kissed me, her book pressed between us, and then moved back away, walking backwards and smiling at me as she went. I was left holding the book, and nothing else. When I looked up again, she was gone…

I awoke from the dream to the morning sun filtering through rows of barracks. Jasper was already up, and I quickly rose and made my bunk. The dream left me unsettled, like there was something that I had forgotten.

I stumbled through my shower and slid on my uniform at my locker, gazing at the picture of Bella I had put up as soon as I had arrived. I reached back to the corner of the top shelf and retrieved the shell that I had kept from that long ago beach in the Bahamas. It was the same as before, beautifully pale with a hint of pink, like the blush in Bella’s cheeks that I loved. I ran my thumb over it, feeling the textured ridges of the outer shell and the smooth satin of the inside. When I found Bella’s shell, the beach was littered with broken bits and pieces of other shells similar to hers, and yet this one was whole, perfect and unbroken. A fierce protectiveness came over me, and I realized I had forgotten, in my greedy desire to have Bella with me and my fear of losing her if she went to Dartmouth, to think about what was best for her. I gently placed the shell back in the furthest reaches of the shelf where it would be safe, and gathered up my books for class, a dull ache slowly filling my chest.

As we were walking across campus, in the hazy sunshine of the early morning, Jasper noticed my mood, as he always does. “What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning.

“What would you do,” I asked, the question coming out before I had thought it through, “if you had to give up what you wanted most, so that Alice wouldn’t be hurt?”

He looked taken aback, frowning further and probably was thinking I was trying to trap him with some big brother nonsense. “I’m not going to hurt Alice, Edward,” he said warily.

“I know,” I said, sighing. “I’m just afraid…I’m afraid I’m going to lose Bella if she doesn’t come to Monterey Bay. And I’m afraid that that’s the best thing for her.” My heart was sinking, and we were almost to our classroom.

“Why would losing Bella be the best thing for her?” he asked, bewildered.

“I don’t know,” I replied. I needed time to think, but it was already time for class, and thinking about Bella would have to wait. More than ever, I needed to concentrate on my class work, to give myself the best chance possible of getting to D.C.

BPOV

Angela and I were up before dawn. Mom had helped me pack the night before, and I had repacked again after Mom went to bed. We wanted to get an early start—get to Monterey Bay with time to tour the school before meeting Edward and Jasper at Alice’s.

The sun was at our backs, lighting up the desert landscape. It was beautiful, reds and coppers weaving through the mesas, which looked like giant sand paintings. Whatever I decided, I would be leaving Phoenix behind, and I was a little sad as we drove away from the city. We had been driving for a while before either of us spoke. I knew Angela was excited to be going off to school, rooming with Alice, and looking forward to starting her journalism classes soon. Her car was stuffed with music and books, clothes and a million small things to start her college career off right. I was jealous of her easy excitement, no cares other than making sure to bring her pillow and her favorite cactus, which was tucked in the cup holder between us for safe transport.

“Have you heard back about the deferral yet?” she finally asked, as I knew she had been wanting to since we started out. Alice had called nearly every day, checking in on the deferral. I had called the admissions office every day, but they said they would let me know, which is what I told Alice. But she kept calling.

“Not yet. They’re supposed to call me on my cell when they decide. Should be any time now.”

She nodded and we were quiet for a moment. Finally, I asked, “How did you know you wanted to be a journalist?”

She looked at me oddly. “You know I’ve wanted to be a journalist forever.”

“I know, but why? How did you know it was what you wanted?”

She paused for a moment, seriously thinking about it. “When I was in junior high, there was a series of articles in the paper about a charity that was collecting money to help poor children in South America, but that the head of the charity had embezzled a lot of the money and skipped town.”

“That’s awful,” I said, cringing.

“It was. But, it made me think. If there was no one to report on stories like that, no one to investigate, then people would never know it happened, and they would think that their money went to help the kids, when it really went to help this guy have a vacation in Bermuda.”

“So, you wanted to investigate the bad guys?”

“Yes! But being a reporter is a lot more than that. I didn’t realize it at first, until I actually was on the school paper in high school. But then I saw that reporting was a way to let people know what was happening in the world, so they could make better decisions about the government, their lives…all kinds of things.”

I nodded. “So, why Monterey Bay?” She smiled at me, as if she was finally figuring out why I was asking about this.

“Monterey Bay has one of the best Journalism majors in the country. It’s a small school, but they have lots of connections, a great media center, good faculty, a great school paper…” she trailed off, uncertain again. “I’m sure their Education department is good, too,” she added.

“I’m sure it is,” I said, knowing that it didn’t measure up to Dartmouth’s Education department, but I wasn’t going to say that to her. I wished I had her same enthusiasm for what she wanted to do, but the truth was that I just didn’t know yet. I knew I wanted to do something that made a difference, something I could feel passionate about the way that Angela did. I just hadn’t figured out what that was…yet.

We fell silent again as we passed into the California desert, which was beautiful in its own way, but more barren and colorless than Arizona. I wasn’t sure when exactly I decided what I was going to do. Somewhere in the winding roads of the California mountains, or the endless car-jammed highways of Los Angeles, it settled into my mind, with the firmness that came from knowing it was the right thing to do. I could have discussed it with Angela, or called my mom to let her know, but last time I had discussed my decision about Dartmouth with everyone else, before I talked to Edward about it. I decided that was exactly backwards, and this time, he would be the first one to know.

We hit the city at the tail end of the morning traffic, and made it through relatively quickly. Central California was an endless fruit basket, with lush crops for literally hours as we drove. We stopped at a roadside stand and bought strawberries and blueberries to snack on while we drove. We finally broke through the low lying coastal mountains and drove along the beach. The high cliffs along the coastline looked beautiful and treacherous. We stopped, trying to wind our way down one of the sandy paths leading to the beach a hundred feet below, but gave up, convinced we would fall off the cliff before reaching the bottom.

As we traveled north along the beach, the cliffs gave way to large rolling sand dunes, covered with succulent plants feeding off the estuaries reaching inland. The smell of the salt air had me flashing back to my time in the Bahamas with Edward. My heart was aching for that magical time, wishing I could go back there in some way other than just my fantasies. The sun was still high in the sky when we arrived at the CSU Monterey Bay campus. It was gorgeous, with gleaming white buildings and the ocean visible over the rise of the beach in the distance. We gave ourselves a self-guided tour, driving past the major campus buildings, including the Humanities College, where Angela would be studying, and the College of Professional Studies, which housed the Education department. The summer sun was gentle as we parked and walked across the campus quad, already bustling with students finding their way to the coffee shop or making last minute checks on their registration. When we were done picking up Angela’s schedule and some registration forms for me, Angela called Alice to let her know we were on our way to her apartment. Apparently the CSUMB campus was part of Fort Ord, which had both on-campus dorms and off-campus housing, so their apartment was somewhere close by. It was nearing dinner time, and Edward and Jasper would soon be released. We wanted to be at Alice’s when they arrived, to not to waste any of their leave time, so we found our way back to Angela’s car and drove over to Alice’s apartment.

EPOV

Between classes…during lunch…when my head was about to hit the pillow from the exhaustion of stuffing it full of Arabic phrases…these were the times I thought about Bella. More specifically, I thought about Bella coming to Monterey Bay…or not. That uneasy realization that I had forgotten to consider what was best for Bella had grown into a full sized obsession in my thoughts.

I didn’t know what was best for her. Part of what I loved about her was that she always was surprising me…but that also meant that I didn’t really know her. I wanted to, and had spent a lot of time in letters and calls trying to get to know her, but we just hadn’t had time to do much of that yet. I simply didn’t know what her hopes and dreams were.

I wasn’t sure if Bella knew either. She was young, just starting to figure those things out. She said she was thinking about becoming a teacher, but that had just come up recently…she hadn’t even mentioned it in her letters. I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I was eighteen. If I’d had to make the choice then, I would probably be a paramedic now, working with Emmett, or working on a pre-med degree. If I’d had to choose then, like Bella was choosing now, I would never have ended up here in Navy, doing something that was finally giving me that sense of purpose I had craved, the sense of accomplishment I needed, and could only get by leaving Forks. It wasn’t fair to Bella to have to make that choice now…she needed to figure out what was right for her, first.

I loved her desperately, and wanted what was best for her…I just didn’t know if I could bring myself to do it. I was afraid that doing what was best for Bella meant insisting she continue on to Dartmouth, as she had planned, and figuring out for herself what her calling was. But I was terrified we would drift apart and she would end up with Mike, or someone else…someone not me. My fear of losing her made me need her to be here, with an aching feeling that felt worse than all the lonely nights. I could bear being away from her, surviving on phone calls and letters…I didn’t know if I could stand losing her. Maybe before I knew she existed, before I knew she was out there. But now…now, I knew I would never find someone like her again, and the thought of that was like an arrow lodged in my chest. If the deferral came through, or she insisted on coming anyway, I wasn’t sure if I would be strong enough to tell her not to come. I didn’t know if I could give her up, if she was determined to be here. Could I say ‘no’?

I nervously fingered the shell in my pocket, like some kind of talisman for good luck, or perhaps courage. Jasper kept shooting me strange looks, no doubt feeling the tension that was rolling off me in waves. I couldn’t help it, although I tried to be calm, in truth I was twitchy with nervousness. We took the military shuttle from the Presidio to Fort Ord as soon as we were released. It was a short walk to Alice and Angela’s apartment, according to Alice’s map, which had North pointing sideways and was certainly not drawn to scale. However, it sufficed, because we were soon knocking on their door, both Jasper and I eager to see the ladies within.

Bella answered the door and practically leapt into my arms. She was wearing all white, and my heart about stopped. I swept her up and to the side, so that we would not be blocking Jasper and Alice’s reunion, and kissed her like I hadn’t seen her in weeks, instead of days. Just holding her in my arms, some of the tension drained out of me and a sense of calmness took hold of me. The effect she had on me was so strong…

“Hey, you,” I murmured into her lips between kisses. She was holding my face in her hands, and I had the delicious feeling that I was hers…that she wanted me to belong just to her.

“Hey, yourself,” she whispered back. We stood kissing and rubbing noses and generally pressing our bodies together, just outside the door, for a while. When we finally noticed the rest of the world again, Angela was calling us from inside the apartment. The scents of dinner were wafting from inside and, based on smell alone, would beat the Presidio fare hands down.

“Who’s making dinner?” I asked.

“Technically, Alice. But I had to rescue the enchiladas before they became jalapeno overdose pills, and the rice is probably starting to burn…so, just pretend that Alice did all the work, okay?” She spoke quietly as we walked into the apartment, so Alice wouldn’t overhear, but I doubt she would have noticed in any event, due to the way she was already curled up in Jasper’s lap on the couch.

“I think you better go save the rice,” I replied, smiling and inclining my head to the two of them, not exactly kissing but being as close to one another as they could be without actually touching lips. This, strangely, did not bother me, like it should. I knew what Jasper was feeling, and the best I could summon was jealousy that he would be seeing Alice every weekend, and my time with Bella…well, I didn’t know what it would be. I wanted to ask her about the deferral, whisk her away from here and grill her about her intentions, but instead I set the table and asked everyone what they wanted for drinks. Soon, we would have our time alone, and we would talk then.

Bella makes a mean enchilada, it turned out, and I realized that I had never tasted her cooking before—just one more thing that I didn’t know about her, driving another nail in the coffin that held the reasons why Bella should come to Monterey Bay, just to be with me. I watched her, as we all sat around the tiny dining table that Alice had acquired in her flurry of decorating earlier in the week. Bella was laughing and smiling and chatting, but she was on edge. I could tell by the way the smile didn’t reach her eyes, and how she nervously played with her hair while she was talking. There were some things I knew about her, after all. But I couldn’t read her mind, and I didn’t know what made her so anxious—was she still awaiting the deferral? The last time I had asked Alice, which was just before we got here, she said there was still no word. I knew Alice wanted Bella to come as much as I did.

We cleared the dishes and cleaned up. Angela invented a reason to leave, saying she needed to get groceries or something, obviously wanting to give Jasper and Alice some time together. I dragged Bella out to the small porch at the back of the apartment to enjoy the view of the sun as it dipped down towards the water. I realized that the apartment wasn’t far from the beach, and you could actually see a sliver of blue ocean, red sunlight glinting off it, in the distance. Leave it to Alice to score an apartment with an ocean view.

“Let’s leave the lovebirds alone,” I suggested, with my best low voice to convince her to come with me. It wasn’t difficult—when she saw the beach, she met my gaze with wide eyes. Hand in hand we snuck off, skittering across the narrow campus drive separating the apartment complex from the rolling dunes. We quickly abandoned our shoes once we crossed the road, to better navigate the sand, steering clear of the desert strawberry and thistle plants that created a maze along the dunes.

The euphoria I felt walking with her, holding her hand as we reached the water, was making it difficult to breathe. I was transported back to that beach where we had walked together, where I had found her shell and where I probably fell in love with her for the first time. It was a glorious and heartbreaking day, one where I hurt her, even though I had nothing but the best of intentions. Somehow we had survived that day, and many others, and she was still here with me, stealing glances at me as we walked in silence. When I couldn’t bear the suspense any longer, I stopped and pulled her to me, holding her hands curled up to my chest. I looked into those soft brown eyes and wondered where my courage went. I took a soft breath and asked the question I had wanted to know since I had first seen her this evening…

BPOV

I was finally alone with him, the time I had been waiting for, and I couldn’t speak. I kept looking at him from the corner of my eye, wondering if this would be the last time I would see him. If it was, it would be fitting to have it all end on a beach, so much like it had all started.

He pulled me around to him, holding my hands in his. Just being close to him, held by his touch and the love in his eyes, gave me courage that I didn’t know I had, as if the strength of his arms spread to me and made me safe.

“Have you heard about the deferral yet?” he asked softly, his green eyes sparkling in the setting sunlight, but looking sad and concerned.

“They’re supposed to call me on my cell…” I said, slipping one hand out of his grasp to fish my cell phone out of my pocket. There was a message on it, from the same prefix in New Hampshire that I had been calling all week. I put the phone back in my pocket. I didn’t need to know what it said, because I knew it didn’t matter.

I looked back up in those emerald eyes again and asked the one thing I really needed to know. “Did you mean it, when you said you would love me no matter where I was?” I hoped he didn’t hear the tremble in my voice, but I was sure he could feel the tremor that was going through my body.

“Yes,” he replied, sighing as he said it. After only the briefest pause, he added, “You’re not coming, are you?” There was such sadness in that question, that it just about broke my heart right there, and I couldn’t answer right away because there was a sudden tightening in my throat. His eyes held me as I cleared my throat and told him.

“No.”

He sighed, in what almost seemed like relief, but couldn’t be. He wanted me to come, right? A thrill of fear went through me. There was nothing to do but to tell him now. He needed to know how I felt, because I might not have another chance to tell him.

“I’m afraid…” I started, but suddenly he was kissing me as if we hadn’t just spent the last hour together, as if this was his last chance to sear his love into my lips. He left me breathless, thoughts scrambled as he pulled away.

“I’m afraid, too,” he said, words tumbling out of him as I tried to make sense of them. “I’m afraid that you will go to Dartmouth and forget about me. I’m afraid you will discover that you really love Mike after all, and I was just some…” he paused, as if tasting something bitter, “brief love that you had…” He was staring into my eyes now, holding my face so that I couldn’t look away. “I’m afraid you’ll find someone else to love, but you can’t come here just because I’m afraid of losing you.”

I was speechless, as if he had just sucked the words out of my mouth, and I had nothing left. I tried to understand what he was saying, but I wasn’t sure that I did. He was saying that he was afraid of losing me, just as I was afraid of losing him…but that he didn’t want me to come to Monterey Bay.

“I don’t understand…” I said, still confused and afraid. “Don’t you want me to come?”

He looked anguished, releasing his hold on my face and closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them, they were so filled with pain that I instinctually reached up to touch his face and smooth away those grimace lines. He pulled me close so that we were nearly touching, staring down into my eyes. “Bella, I want you to come be with me more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But, I want what’s best for you…more. I can’t decide your future for you, just because I want you to be with me.”

I dropped my hands from his face, stepped slightly away and just gaped at him. I couldn’t believe the words that were coming from him. He understood. Without me telling him anything, without any explanation of my nightmare fears of losing him, he understood why I needed to go to Dartmouth. It was almost beyond reason that he could be saying these things to me.

“Bella, please say something. Please tell me that you won’t forget about me when you go…” he pleaded with me. Now it was my turn to kiss him ferociously, shutting him up and showing him with my lips that I would never forget him. How could I possibly?

When I stopped, I told him, gasping slightly with the intensity of it, “Edward, I love you so much that I was desperate to find a way to come here. I was willing to give up everything, because I was afraid if I didn’t, I would lose my only chance to be with you. I couldn’t stop loving you now if I wanted to. But I need to go to Dartmouth. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life...please tell me you’re sure…please tell me you’ll still love me if I go…”

He finally smiled, almost laughing. “Bella, don’t you see I can’t stop loving you? If I could, I would have stopped long ago.”

“You would have?” I asked, not quite sure how to take that.

“Yes,” he said, still laughing. “It would be much easier to not love you. It would be so much simpler to just say good-bye after four days of bliss in the Bahamas. Instead, you dropped into my life, turned it upside down, and I’ve never been the same since. And I don’t want to be. Whatever your future is, I will be there. I can’t stop loving you, Bella, and if I have to wait to spend my life with you, I will. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

“Are you sure?” I eked out, trembling with the force of his words.

“Much more sure than I am that you won’t fall under Mike’s spell once you’re there…” he said, that pain returning to the edges of his eyes.

“Mike? You can’t be serious.”

“I’m very serious about that,” he said, and I could tell he was. Well, that needed to be stopped, immediately.

“I’ve already broken Mike’s heart. He probably still hates me and I’ll be lucky if he even speaks to me.”

“I want you to talk to him.”

“What?” I asked, incredibly confused now. He ran his fingers through my hair, slowly, lovingly running his hand down my back.

“I want you to be friends with Mike, because I need him to look out for you while I’m not around,” he said, causing me to gape at him again. I was having a hard time keeping up with him and the turns in this conversation.

“You want me to be friends with Mike?” I asked.

“Yes, and absolutely…positively…nothing more than friends,” he said, possessively kissing me in between words. “Otherwise, I’ll have to kill your friend, and I’m afraid that might make you sad,” he said with a slight smile.

I smiled grimly, my mind reeling with the thought of Edward jealous of Mike, when the only reasonable thing was the reverse. “I’ll make sure Mike knows about your intentions,” I said, still grimacing.

He laughed lightly at that, his hands traveling down to hold me around my waist. “Now, when you go to Dartmouth, you need to keep writing me, and calling, too. I want to know everything you’re doing—all the classes you’re taking, all the friends you’re making, all the boyfriends you’re turning away…”

I gave him a disgusted look. Of course I would write, call, text, email, and find whatever other means I could to remind him daily that I still existed. “I will be stalking you from the East Coast, you realize. And you better write me back—I want to hear all about your classes, and all the pretty female students that you have to say no to…”

He laughed, actually sounding light-hearted and happy, making me smile at the sound of it. “I won’t have Jasper to keep them occupied any longer…seems he’s too interested in Alice now. But you don’t have anything to worry about. I’ll be spending all my time in the library.”

“And writing me…”

“And writing you, and thinking about you, and counting the days until I get to see you again…you are coming back to visit, right?”

I gave him a look that said, Of course, silly boy. “As soon as I have a break, I’m coming back here.” My mind was suddenly turning with all the possible ways that I could come visit…breaks, summer…maybe when he had a leave he could come see me? We were going to rack up some serious frequent flyer miles.

“Good,” he said, with a glint in his eye. “But I’m also going to try to come see you.”

“Can you get some kind of leave, long enough that you could come for a visit?”

“Better than that,” he said quietly. “There’s a special program I’m going to try to get into. If I’m one of the top students, I might get selected to go to the Attaché Office next year…in Washington, D.C.”

My eyes went wide, trying to remember how close D.C. was to New Hampshire…whatever it was, it was a lot closer than California. “Really?” I could hardly believe it.

“I’m going to have to work like crazy to get in, Bella. But it’s a great program—I might even be able to do intelligence work. If I can get accepted, we should be able to see each other on weekends…it’s a long drive, but it’s possible…”

I threw my arms around him. An incredible happiness filled me…that was only a year away, I would see him even before then…suddenly this was looking a lot more possible. I could feel his smile and warm breath as he buried his face in my hair.

“Would you do that for me?” I asked.

“I would do it for me, and for us,” he replied. He held me for a minute and it all became clear to me. We could manage the separation…I knew this to be true now, and wondered how I could have doubted it before. We could handle being apart because I knew….I knew he loved me…he was willing to let me go, willing to let me find my own calling at Dartmouth, simply because it was the right thing for me. That was how much he loved me, and the love I had for him in return turned, in that instant, into something that I knew would never go away. If he loved me enough to do that, to give me that freedom, then I knew he was mine, and always would be.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “I’m going to be around Bella, you’re not going to be able to get rid of me. You’ve been warned.” He smiled that crooked little smile that I loved so thoroughly I couldn’t help but kiss him again. Then I curled up in his arms, placing my head on his chest, closing my eyes and loving the feel of the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. I couldn’t imagine anything better.

Dearest Readers,

I don’t know about you, but I have a feeling things are going to work out for these two…there are two more chapters coming: Chapter 22 (Trust) and Chapter 23 (Epilogue). I promise not to make you wait too long for them…

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Chapter: 22

Chapter 22 – Trust

Dearest Readers,

This is our final chapter (to be followed by an epilogue). If you’re old school like me, and need a translation of Bella and Edward’s texting, see the author’s note at the bottom!

BPOV

It is unbelievable how much sameness there is in Oklahoma. There were plains of golden wild grass, and then farm fields where yellow wheat waved, and then empty lots where high brown weeds grew. It was my turn to drive, and my new silver Volvo hummed under my hands, taking the straight highway at an alarming speed without a tremor. I smiled at the memory of sweet surprise when I flew home from California to find it waiting in the driveway for me, courtesy of my impulsive mom and Phil’s signing bonus. Phil had wanted me to have something safe to drive, but that he picked the same car from that long ago day at the beach was surely fate telling me I had made the right decision in going to Dartmouth—there was no other explanation.

We were only on our second day of the drive, but we had already exhausted all the CDs we had brought with us, and had listened to two books on tape. We drove in silence now, but eventually we were going to have to start talking. I glanced at Mike, noticing how his short blonde hair was waving in the air conditioned breeze from the vent, just like the waves of wispy wheat out the window. I was losing my mind, I decided, driven mad by the relentless, unchanging landscape. I was looking forward to when we would cross into Missouri, just hoping for a little greenness to break up the monotony.

I tried daydreaming a little about the weekend with Edward. It was a string of frozen moments in time, where we just held and loved each other, mixed with Alice and Jasper silliness, hanging out with Angela, and long walks and talks on the beach. There were so many things we needed to talk about and still didn’t have time for—the two days were gone in a flash and he was putting me on a plane back to Arizona, a determined smile on his face. God, I missed him already.

When I realized that Mike would be driving with me to Dartmouth, I wrote Edward about it. He would get the letter after we had arrived, and it would all be over, so hopefully he wouldn’t get all jealous about it. If he did, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t tell me about it anyway. We were each determined not to let our fears about this separation get the best of us. He would be released on liberty by the weekend, and I could call him then and tell him all about our trip.

Mike had been wary of driving out with me, too, still mad and not a little perplexed that I was still going to Dartmouth. We hadn’t really talked about it, and I think he only agreed to come because my mom had begged him to—I told him I was fine to travel across the country by myself, but he was having none of that, and I think that’s when he decided that he could tolerate spending four days in the car with me. I was hoping we might be friends again by the time we arrived in New Hampshire, but so far we hadn’t made much progress on that.

“Is the air conditioning okay? Too cold?” I asked, trying to keep myself awake, and hoping I might get more than a one word answer out of him.

“It’s fine,” he said, looking like I had roused him from some deep thought.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked timidly, unsure if he would answer or just glare at me.

He just sighed and looked out the window. “I think we’ve died and purgatory is an endless sea of wheat grass.”

I didn’t know if he meant for that to be funny, but I laughed a little and then the giggles just took hold of me and I couldn’t stop—must be the strain of the drive. Mike looked at me, grinning just a little, and then finally laughing quietly with me, shaking his head. When I regained my composure, I said, “I’m sorry to drag you into purgatory. You should have just told my mom I would be fine. I would have been, you know.”

He rolled his eyes. “Bella, I’m not going to let you drive across the country by yourself. That’s just crazy.” I felt a stab of guilt. I knew he was still trying to protect me, take care of me, be a really great friend…even after all I had put him through. He lapsed into silence again, staring out the window. I thought it would be another couple hours of quiet, and I was wondering how I might endure it without passing out from boredom. More Edward fantasies, I decided…

Unexpectedly, he spoke up, again. “Do you really love him?”

This jarred me. “Yes,” I answered definitively. He nodded as if this was what he expected.

“Then why are you coming to Dartmouth?” He was looking at me, and I returned his stare for a moment before turning my eyes back to the straight road stretching ahead of me. There wasn’t anything I could hit for miles, but it seemed safer to keep my eyes on the road.

I wasn’t sure how to explain it to Mike. “Because I need to figure out what I want to do with my life…” I stopped, remembering something Mike said, “…and you were right,” I glanced at him. “Love doesn’t make you trade down. It brings you up, makes you a better person.”

He seemed surprised at this, frowning slightly, thinking back on our conversation no doubt. I had known Mike since we were kids running through the sprinkler together—I could read him in so many ways, which was why it surprised me that he didn’t seem to be able to understand how I felt for so long. I kept expecting him to figure it out, but he never did.

“So, he told you to go to Dartmouth,” Mike stated, having apparently thought it through and come up with an explanation for why we were here in the car.

“No!” I said, a little more forcefully than I should have. “I decided to come.” Realizing he might take that to mean that Edward didn’t want me to go, I added, “But Edward totally supports me going. He wants what’s best for me, even though we both wish I was there.”

Mike seemed to cringe a little at this, but was back to thinking again. I wondered what he really thought of Edward. He didn’t know him at all, and I could imagine that he would simply hate Edward, for taking me away from him, even though I never belonged to Mike in the first place. That time they met in the Thai restaurant…I think Mike was surprised, as I was, at how friendly Edward had been.

“Edward wants us to be friends, you know,” I stated quietly, determined to try and make that happen, and undoubtedly interrupting Mike’s musings about Edward and me.

“Huh?” he said, skeptical look on his face.

“I think he’s worried about James,” I explained.

Mike broke out into a wry smile. “Well, he doesn’t need to worry about that. James won’t be coming to Dartmouth, after all.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since I told him you weren’t going.” His grin was ear to ear, now, quite proud of himself. “I tracked him down at a party. He was all over some girl named Lauren. I told him you’d found a new boyfriend and weren’t going to Dartmouth.” He stopped, laughing a little. “You should have seen the look on his face! It was worth the swing he took at me after that.”

“What?” I asked, horrified by this entire story. “Did you get hurt?”

“Heck, no! He was drunk and couldn’t land a punch on me if he was sober,” Mike boasted. “It wasn’t a lie—I was pretty sure you weren’t coming at the time. And it felt good to share the pain a little…” he trailed off, looking sideways at me.

“So, what? He just decided not to come?”

“I guess. Last I heard he was going to some college in Washington. I probably saved him the embarrassment of flunking out of Dartmouth. He should be thanking me.”

I didn’t know about James, but I felt like I should be thanking Mike, once again.

“You’re always so good to me, Mike. I don’t deserve it.”

“That’s true,” he said easily, but I could tell he was joking, and I loved how it felt…easy, like we used to be, just a little. He was quiet again, and I didn’t want to lapse back into our awkward silence.

“Do you really regret it?” I asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. When he looked confused, I added, “Getting into Dartmouth—do you regret it, still?”

He looked at me warily, and then seemed resigned. “No, not really. I didn’t exactly get what I wanted,” he said, looking meaningfully at me, “but getting into an Ivy League college is a pretty good consolation prize.” He looked a little disgusted.

I sighed. I guessed I should take it as a compliment that I was the real prize that he wanted, but it just left me sad inside. I hoped that Mike would find a way to let me go, even though I was going to be around. It seemed selfish, in a way, to want to continue to be his friend. It was probably easier for him to forget about me and start a new life at Dartmouth. I resolved to try to be a true friend, a better friend to him. He deserved to be happy and I would see if I could find a way to make that happen.

“Have you thought any more about a major?” I asked, conversationally.

He looked at me, as if to say, So, we’re going to talk, huh? Then he relented, and said, only a little sarcastic, “As a matter of fact, I have been doing a lot of thinking this summer…”

We talked easily for a while about majors and classes and what waited for us at Dartmouth. He wanted to study public policy, which surprised me. I had never considered what he might be interested in. I told him about maybe wanting to teach, but that I wasn’t sure yet. Our conversation carried us into Missouri, and we didn’t quite make it to Illinois before we had to stop for the night. By the time we said our goodnights and went to our separate rooms, we had recovered some of that comfortable feeling we used to have together, and I slept well, happy in the thought that things might just work out okay after all.

EPOV

The first three weeks were the hardest. There was that brief moment of insanity I had, when I found out she was driving to Dartmouth with Mike and I was convinced I had just made a horrible, tragic mistake. Then the sweet sound of her voice on Friday night, when I could call her, soothed the raging jealousy beast in me. Not only had she arrived safely, but, more relevant to my mental health, she was still in love with me.

After our “lockdown” lifted, and we had moved to the apartment Jasper had secured for us, things got much better, quickly. Bella and I talked or texted almost every night. Jasper and I were studying so much that Alice was started to complain that she didn’t get to see Jasper as much as she wanted to. Jasper, not being quite so desperate to make it into the Attaché program, and having Alice nearby, ended up studying a bit less and spending his evenings at Alice’s apartment. That was when I usually called Bella, or texted, like we were tonight, if it was late and I didn’t want to keep her roommate up.

WYD?

Studying, apt U?

Reading, dorm. Miss you.

MUSM. WRU reading?

Eng Lit, essay TAM. Teacher looks like you. Makes my heart race.

Do not go to office hours.

Yes, sir! ?

Dreamed about you, last night. In Arabic.

How is that diff than in English?

Steamier.

Not fair, 3221 miles away.

You started it. Write me. Get me back.

Ah, a challenge.

Take it any way you like.

Sigh. L8. Should go to bed.

CM TPM before bed OK?

Promise.

Good luck TAM

GNITE

GNSD

It was late there, but it was three time zones earlier here and I still had some studying to do. I tried to shake my mind free of thoughts of Bella, snuggled in her dorm bed in Hanover, thinking delightful thoughts about me, and tried to concentrate on conjugating the verb to write: katabtu…katabti…kataba…katabat…it almost made a song. There was a lyrical quality to the way the consonants and vowels ran together—consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant. I concentrated on memorizing a few more verbs before I tackled the homework. I had just finished it, and my eyelids were about to droop shut, when Jasper came back.

“Did you finish my homework for me?” he asked with a grin.

“Ibn al-kundara,” I replied, quite pleased with my ability to put our recent fascination with Arabic swear words to use, and roughly implying that Jasper was the son of a shoe.

“Hey, no need to get nasty, son!” he said, looking chagrined.

I laughed out loud and added, “Do your own homework!”

He grimaced. “How bad is it?”

“Not too bad. Should only take you an hour or two. I’m going to bed,” I said, yawning and stretching. We only had a couple days left until Thanksgiving break and I would be flying out of here to go see Bella in Phoenix. Now that baseball season had wound down, Renee and Phil were back in Phoenix. Her mom had given Bella her frequent flyer miles for the holidays, and we had worked it out that we would meet in Phoenix for Thanksgiving and Forks for Christmas. Convincing our respective mothers that this was a great idea took a little more effort, but it was worth it. Our families wouldn’t miss us too much, and we would be able to spend the holidays together. I could hardly wait.

The two days flew by, and I got top marks on our test just before the holiday. The extra studying was paying off, and I felt like I had earned the break and could safely not think in Arabic for four days. I realized as I flew over the California desert, barely visible below in the setting sunlight, that we would roughly double the time we had together just in this short Thanksgiving break. And yet, I felt like I had known Bella for so long that we nearly finished each other’s sentences on the phone. The time apart seemed to evaporate in the jet contrails as I sped towards her in Phoenix.

Even though it was nearly midnight, she was waiting for me at the airport. Her flight had arrived earlier, since she had gotten out of classes early today and taken the first flight out. She had further to fly, but had the time change working for her and she had beaten me to the airport by an hour. We were to meet at the baggage claim and the plan was to take a taxi to Renee and Phil’s house.

When I saw her, standing there by the baggage carousel, hair down and disheveled from a long day of travel and standing next to her roller bag, all I wanted to do was take her somewhere we could spend the next four days alone. She didn’t see me, although she was looking all around, so I snuck up behind her, grinning like a fool and hardly able to keep from grabbing her.

“Are you looking for someone, Miss?” I asked in my deepest voice.

She nearly jumped off the ground, whirled around on me, and not wasting words just reached up and pulled me down to kiss her…which of course I did…for a long time.

“Missed you,” she murmured between kisses. She knew how I felt, so I didn’t bother replying, just held her tighter, pulling her up off her feet so I could more properly kiss her. When I finally put her down, my head was spinning slightly from the late night and her intoxicating presence.

“Ready to meet the parents?” she asked.

“I’ve already met your parents, Bella.” My brain was a little foggy, but that much I knew.

“Yes, but you’ve yet to spend a Thanksgiving with my mom’s cooking. Guaranteed adventure.”

I smiled. Renee’s cooking was the least of my concerns. As I released her to gather up our luggage, I starting thinking about ways we could escape Phil’s overprotective oversight during the next four days to have some time alone, and wondered how much kissing we could get in during the taxi ride before we arrived. Bella’s eyes never left me as she hooked her arm through mine and we navigated our way through the travelers to the taxi stand outside. Happiness was mine again.

BPOV

I was still floating on the residual high from my Thanksgiving break with Edward. Those four days of constantly being wrapped in his arms, lacing fingers, or stealing touches under the table felt like a stolen treasure. The fact that I was going to see him again soon at Christmas was even more of a distraction, and I was finding it hard to concentrate on my early childhood brain development class. It was fascinating, actually, and I had no problems with it before Thanksgiving, but now I was having a hard time keeping my focus. It didn’t help that Mike and Jessica were arguing again.

They were both sitting on her bed, legs crossed and facing each other in their now familiar battle pose. Jessica was my roommate, but she was also in Mike’s public policy class and he had been coming around a lot more frequently lately, ostensibly to work on homework with Jess, but all they did was argue.

“You know a flax tax is better for the economy—it has all right incentives to increase investment and production…” Mike was arguing, holding his hands out palm up, as if explaining the obvious to a toddler.

“You can’t ignore the regressive nature of a flat tax—it hurts those at the bottom of the economic ladder, the ones that need help the most in a down economy…” countered Jess, with her typical determination to rescue the world’s poor. Her curly dark hair was bouncing on her shoulders as she shook her head back and forth at the hopeless inanity of Mike’s argument.

I tried to ignore them, and get back to reading about how infants start acquiring speech almost from the womb. It was a fascinating class, really, although it was much closer to being a science class than literature, and much different than what I expected when I signed up. However, it was almost impossible to concentrate with the two of them going at it.

“How can you ignore the effect it has on real people’s lives?” accused Jessica. This was the part where the real accusations usually started to fly, and one or the other of them would stomp off in a huff. I honestly didn’t see the point of the arguing, or why they kept coming back for more. I was contemplating stepping in, like Switzerland, and calling a cease fire, when Mike’s tone suddenly softened.

“Of course I care about the effect on people’s lives,” he said, quietly. “I’m not a monster, you know.” I knew that tone…it was the one he had when someone he cared about had hurt his feelings. It was a slightly wounded sound, and I hoped that Jessica picked up on it.

“I know you’re not a monster,” she said softly, making me sigh with relief. The last thing I needed was a moping Mike to worry about. “You’re just incredibly pig-headed and completely wrong.” Oh, great. I looked up, expecting to see fury on Mike’s face, but he was smiling. I was slow, sometimes, but I finally realized there was a lot more than public policy going on between the two of them. Then I had a fit of inspiration. I grabbed the Starbucks gift card my mom had given me at Thanksgiving, and winged it across the room, hitting Mike in the head.

“Hey!” he said, glaring at me.

“Take that and go get some coffee! I need some quiet around here, so I can study!” I said, grinning at my brilliance. Mike picked it up and looked uncertainly at Jessica, who was looking like a deer in headlights. Oh, for the love of all that’s holy, what’s wrong with these two?

“Coffee’s on me, but only if you promise to talk about something besides public policy,” I added. “And bring me back a double latte, extra cream.” I might as well get payment for my match-making efforts. Understanding finally gleamed in Mike’s eyes, and he took Jessica’s hand, pulling her up off the bed. They scampered off, leaving me to try to concentrate on studying brain development and avoid fantasizing about the upcoming Christmas with the Cullens. Mission accomplished.

The two weeks until Winter Break went by faster than I expected. Winter was in full swing in New Hampshire, but as I flew into Washington, I could see that the snow had started to fall here as well. Sea-Tac was buried in swirling flurries, the fresh snow covering everything like a blanket and reflecting the muted sunlight everywhere, creating a blinding sea of white. I had been flying all day, and we had to drive several hours more before we would get to Forks—but at least I would be with Edward. The fatigue of the flight disappeared as I debarked and hurried down to the baggage claim, where I knew he would be waiting for me.

There he stood, bronze hair almost completely grown out to that messy look he had when I first saw him on the boat. He was bundled up in a jacket that covered up way too much of his body for my taste, but he looked strong and rugged in his jeans and boots. It was a subtle change from when I first met him, but I could see it— he had the confidence and strength you would want in a soldier. Just looking at him made me melt, but when those green eyes finally found me, my knees went a little weak. I was glad that he came to me, because I wasn’t sure I trusted my legs to move at that point. When he reached me, he held me for a moment, looking at me a little concerned.

“You okay?” he asked softly, slightly amused look on his face.

I ran my hands up his arms to his face, and pulled him down to me. “You better kiss me before you make me swoon,” I said, and he chuckled and then kissed me. Oh my. It was molten sweetness on my lips and it was a good thing he had a firm hold on me then.

When he finally broke that delicious kiss, he mocked me. “Do I need to carry you to the car?” He was very pleased with himself, but it was hard for me work up much disgust. It was just too good to see him.

“No, but it would be best if you drove,” I replied, snaking my arms around his waist and not letting go as we walked.

“Everyone’s dying to see you, you know,” he said as we wove our way through the holiday crowds.

“They’re not waiting for us, are they?”

“Oh, I’m sure they are. They want to make sure I bring you home, instead of whisking you away somewhere.”

“Is that an option?” I asked, very interested. He grinned wickedly.

“Unfortunately, no. I think my mom would skin me alive if I didn’t bring you straight home. But we have a whole week,” he said, sounding as giddy about that as I was. Surely we would have plenty of alone time coming up, and knowing Edward, there would be some kind of scheme for snuggle time in there somewhere.

It was a fantasy Christmas, the winding road lined with Christmas trees laden with snow and glistening in the misty sunlight. We were driving Emmett’s oversized black jeep, the giant snow tires and four wheel drive dispatching the snowy road with ease. We talked easily on the long drive—since we talked almost every day, I thought we were all caught up on the small things, but there still were a million things to share. I told him about my recent matchmaking success with Mike and Jess, which had taken off like a rocket since Mike had literally been smacked in the head with a clue. Edward was overly pleased to hear about this new development, which was why I had saved it to tell him in person. I hoped it would finally put to rest all his silly jealousies in the Mike department.

When we finally pulled off the main road and wound through the forest on an unplowed road, I thought we were taking a detour after all. I wondered what Edward had up his sleeve until we turned off onto an even smaller road that appeared to be a driveway ending in a giant white mansion of a house. I knew Edward’s family was well-off, but I had no idea…I was starting to wonder if there were servant’s quarters.

He was watching me carefully. “A little imposing, I know, but it’s really just a house,” he said, modestly. I looked around and noticed there were no other houses in sight, just an endless white and green forest.

“Do you own the forest, too?” I asked, joking. He looked a little embarrassed, something that fascinated me as I rarely saw it on his face.

“Well, just a little bit, not the whole forest,” he admitted. My mouth hung open. I wanted to know more, but just then someone came running through the knee deep snow around the corner of the house from the back. He paused, turning to look back and bend down to scoop up and pack a snowball. He waited for a second, and then started running toward the front of the house again. I realized it was Jasper, snowflakes crowning his wavy blonde hair, as he came to a halt, seeing the Jeep. He waved to us, a wide grin breaking out on his face, until he was smacked in the back of the head by a giant, mushy snowball. Swearing something we couldn’t hear, he turned and whizzed his snowball back towards his large assailant, who could only be Emmett from the size of him. I was laughing hysterically as we climbed out of the car.

Jasper had re-armed and was ready in case Emmett had more ammo, but he had seen us, too, and was jogging over to see us.

“Hey there, little sis!” Emmett said and swept me up for a big bear hug. I must have been two feet off the ground, feet dangling like a puppet. I gave him a small kiss on the cheek and I think he actually blushed, which made me grin like it was my birthday. He set me down, smiling through his embarrassment. “Damn, it’s good to see you, Bella!” he said.

Elbowing him aside, Jasper reached for me, saying, “Don’t be a hog, son!” He gave me a warm hug as well, whispering, “Glad you’re here, sugar. He’s going a little crazy without you.” For that, I gave him a kiss on the cheek as well and I’ll be darned if he didn’t blush, too. This was entirely too much fun.

“Hey, now,” said Edward, stepping in and taking my hand. “That’s enough of that! This one’s mine.” He pretended to glare at Jasper, but mostly couldn’t help smiling. Emmett and Jasper argued about who had actually won the snowball fight, based on points scored for body parts hit, as Edward towed me up the steps to the porch and the front door. His eyes were blazing as he tucked my arm into his and opened the front door. A blast of warm air blew across my face as we stepped through into the loveliest house, rivaling the mansion on the beach in the Bahamas. It was bright and airy, all white walls and light woods soaking up and reflecting the natural light that filtered through the dozens of floor-to-ceiling windows. An enormous Christmas tree was tucked against the stairwell and filled the room with the smell of pine.

Alice and a tall, blonde woman were hanging decorations on the Christmas tree. Alice saw us first, said something that sounded like squee, and then ran over to us, decorations still in hand. She hugged me hard, somehow bouncing as she did, and said, “Bella! Bella! Oh, I’m so glad you’re here! You’re just in time!”

I had no idea what she was talking about. “It’s good to see you, too, Alice,” I said with mock seriousness. The blonde woman had hung back by the tree, still putting decorations on. She was incredibly lovely, tall and slender but with a certain toughness that seemed to come from her stance more than her looks. Her face was classic beauty, but it was set in an almost a stiff look of tolerance, as if she was enduring something uncomfortable. Alice noticed my look, and piped up.

“Rose, come over and meet Bella,” she said, waving her over. “Rose has Emmett twisted around her pinky!” Alice said, apparently delighted by this fact. Emmett and Jasper were right behind us coming in the door, shaking snow off their heads and spraying us.

“She does not!” Emmett protested.

“I wouldn’t argue with Alice,” Rose said, icily, and I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She looked me up and down when she reached me, making me slightly uncomfortable. “Nice to meet you, Bella. We’re all glad you’re here so Edward can stop mooning over you now.”

“Oh no, Rose…it only gets worse when she’s around,” threw in Jasper. Edward gave me an exasperated look that said, Please ignore them…

I couldn’t help laughing at the look on his face and the sheer happiness of being here with all of them. Esme and Carlisle must have heard us. They came in from another room, which probably was the kitchen judging from the holiday smells emanating from it. Esme reached me first, taking me by the shoulders to look tenderly at me for a moment, before hugging me and burying my face in her cloud of chestnut hair.

“It’s so good to see you, Bella! Are you tired, dear? Hungry? What can I get you?” Her treating me like a beloved daughter made me briefly miss my own mom, who I wouldn’t be seeing for the first time at Christmas this year.

“I’m okay,” I smiled brightly for her.

“She’s fine, Esme. Give her some room to breathe,” Carlisle said softly next to her. He was beaming at me, and I once again had that strange feeling that I shouldn’t find my potential future-father-in-law quite so attractive. But that sunshine smile was the same that Edward wore, and it was hard not to love it. He pulled me in for a gentle hug and I resisted the urge to kiss him on the cheek, as I had Jasper and Emmett. I was afraid I might be the one that ended up blushing.

He released me, and I realized that Edward was getting hugs all around as well, and I had the most wonderful feeling of finally finding something that I had been missing. All my life, it had been mostly my mom and I, and I missed her terribly. We never had family close by. Christmas was a quiet and sweet and a lot like any other day. The Cullen mansion was noisy and busy and filled with laughter and love. It was like finding something you never knew you didn’t have.

Alice took me by the hand, and informed me that it was my job to put the tree topper on. It was a beautiful hand-crafted angel, and I managed to bumble my way, with Emmett’s assistance, through getting it installed. Esme had dragged Edward over to the piano and the sweet sounds of Christmas carols echoed through the house. The piano was near the Christmas tree and everyone had gathered around, singing…some particularly badly. Emmett was either a horrible singer, or intentionally trying to ruin the song. Edward was trying to play louder to drown him out. Esme was chastising both of them. It was fine entertainment.

Then I noticed that Rose was not with the rest of the Cullen Clan. I wandered into the kitchen and found her slicing vegetables for a salad, quietly busying herself. She only slightly glanced up at me as I walked in. I didn’t know if she wanted me there, so I almost walked out again, but something about the lonely way she stood there stopped me.

“Do you want some help?” I asked.

“If you’d like,” she answered noncommittally. “Cucumbers need chopping.”

I picked up a knife, dug out a cutting board and started slicing. “So, how did you meet Emmett?” I asked, trying to cover the awkward silence. I didn’t know why she wouldn’t be in singing with everyone else, but there must be some reason. She couldn’t be any worse a singer than Emmett.

“I’m an ER nurse at the hospital,” she replied, flatly. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t want to talk, or if she was just oddly shy. It didn’t seem to make sense that someone as beautiful as Rose could be awkward.

“So, you know Dr. Cullen?”

She gave a short, rather mirthless laugh. “Everyone knows the famous Dr. Cullen!”

She used that same tone of voice about Carlisle that I had heard Edward use before, as if he was some kind of superhero that it was hard to be compared to. I never really felt that from him, although his unnatural gorgeousness was a little intimidating. Edward was always convinced that Emmett had no problem living in Carlisle’s shadow, but I wondered now if that was really true.

“Emmett’s great,” I offered. “He certainly seems like a hero in Forks…”

“Emmett talks big, but he’s a softy,” Rose said, cracking the first small smile that I’d seen on her. “It’s hard to measure up around here,” she added, smile fading. I wasn’t sure if she was talking about Emmett or herself, but either one didn’t make any sense. Why would the world’s most stunning couple worry about measuring up? Then again, I remembered thinking the same thing about Edward.

“You know, Edward kind of felt the same way. I think that’s why he left Forks and joined the Navy. He seems really happy with that now.”

“Well, we’re stuck here in the country, Bella,” a full scowl coming out now on her face.

“Maybe not. You and Emmett could go anywhere! What town doesn’t need a kick-ass paramedic and a beautiful ER nurse?” I wasn’t sure what she would think of this, but it was worth a try.

She smiled for real this time, and she was blindingly lovely when she smiled. I felt like the wattage had dimmed in the rest of the house when she turned that on. “I like the way you think, Bella girl. That’s a damn fine idea.” Then she turned wistful. “I don’t think Emmett would ever leave Forks, though. He’s too much of a big old teddy bear to ever leave home, especially after Alice and Edward left.” She smiled again at me, adding, “I heard you’re a hero, though. Saved Emmett’s butt in the Bahamas?” She looked impressed, which somehow embarrassed me.

“Oh, no. I was just lucky to be in the right place at the right time, or we wouldn’t have those two lovely boys in there…” I inclined my head towards the still closed kitchen door.

She smiled that high wattage grin again and said, “I guess I owe you my thanks, then, girlfriend.” She crossed over to my side of the island and gave me a one armed half-hug while still holding her cutting knife. I had a feeling that was as close to friendly as I was going to get from Rose…but it was enough.

EPOV

Emmett was ruining my music and really ticking me off, not to mention grabbing all the attention, once again. It was good to be home. After a full round of Christmas classics, Mom let me beg off the piano. I was wondering where Bella went, and noticed Rose was missing too. I raised my eyebrows at Emmett as everyone dispersed.

“They’re in the kitchen, talking,” he said with dread.

“Really?” I asked, amazed. I hadn’t had much time to get to know Rose, but she didn’t seem that friendly. Then again, anyone that could put up with Emmett’s bluster and general obnoxiousness must have something going on. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

“I don’t know, dude, but it’s never good when the girls are talking.” He looked genuinely nervous, which just made me laugh. I got up from the piano bench and peeked in the kitchen. They were chatting like old friends. How did Bella charm even the cold cases?

“Dinner ready?” I asked.

“Well, it might be if you actually helped out,” Rose said, a scowl quickly replacing the smile she had for Bella. So, I came in and was generally useless until they shooed me out again…but not before I stole a few kisses from Bella, and earned a few more scowls from Rose.

Dinner was elaborate and over-the-top, just the way Mom liked it. We were all overstuffed when we were done. Jasper and Emmett settled in for some Halo 3 and Alice and Rose went somewhere to discuss clothes, or whatever they were talking about. They all had the luxury of seeing their loved ones pretty much whenever they wanted. Time was precious to Bella and me, and I wasn’t going to waste a minute of it. I grabbed her hand and escaped up the stairs before anyone could stop us. With a little trepidation, I led her to my room. I wasn’t sure what she would think of it, and it felt odd that I had shared so much with her, but not this.

“Uh, yeah, this is my room…” I said, as I led her into it. Fortunately, I had lived here not so long ago and Mom hadn’t gotten around to putting up any embarrassing relics from my childhood. It looked pretty much the same as when I left it seven months ago. Bella drifted to my CD collection, which was embarrassingly large, turning on the player. I had no idea what was in there and was relieved when some light jazz started trickling out of the speakers. I pulled her to my bed, lying down next to her and idly playing with her hair while we listened to the music. She was so beautiful, just lying there next to me, soft, brown eyes looking up into mine that I almost forgot my purpose for coming here. Of course, I had many purposes, but I decided that the main one could wait a little while.

I started softly kissing her, just because she was so lovely, and fit so wonderfully into my family, as if she had always belonged with us. She even got the ice queen to warm up…well, to her at least. Her magic worked its spell on so many people, not just me. It was one of the things I loved about her. When my kisses got a little more passionate, she pushed me gently back, making me smile.

“Don’t you think they will come looking for us?” she asked.

“They had better not!” I said, in mock outrage. I traced a line with my fingertip along her jaw and down her neck, causing her to sharply pull in a breath. Brushing her hair away, I started following the same line with my kisses, drawing more breaths from her and delighting in the effect it had on her. My heart was pounding madly in my chest and I would have had to stop if she hadn’t pulled away first.

“I thought we weren’t…” she said.

“Weren’t what?” I asked mischievously, knowing full well what she meant.

“Well, I am in your bed, after all.” She had a point there.

“So you are…” I said, wickedly resuming my kissing, starting at the hollow of her throat. I had no intention of breaking our promise to wait, but there was no reason not to torment her—as she tortured me just with her presence—when I had the chance.

“Edward!” she gasped, as I slipped my hand around to the small of her back and pulled her tight against me.

“Yes, love?” I whispered into that small curve between her shoulder and her neck. I didn’t know if she wore perfume, or if that was just the smell of her, but it was starting to make me light headed.

She growled in frustration and pulled my head up to kiss me. I must have taken things a little too far because the force of her kiss rolled me back on the bed and lit a fire in me that I thought I had well under control. I gently pushed her back, gasping for air, and she was smirking at me.

“Not fair,” I complained, trying to regain my composure.

“Really?” she asked, looking mischievous herself, running her hands along my chest and moving to kiss my neck. That way lay serious danger, and I quickly moved out of the bed. She was smiling in triumph, and I shook my head at her. “Oh, it’s okay for you to tease, but not for me?” she asked, looking affronted, but still smiling.

“You,” I said, climbing back in the bed with her, but keeping a small distance between us, “are just much, much more difficult to resist. Obviously.” She smiled wider. I sighed, and went back to running my fingers through her hair, a relatively safe activity that would, probably, keep me out of trouble. “I have something for you,” I said, quietly, when my heart had slowed and the pounding wasn’t so loud in my ears. I reached under the pillow on my bed where I had stowed the small box.

“What’s that?” she asked, looking slightly alarmed.

“It’s just something small. A Christmas present.” It wasn’t wrapped, just a plain blue box that opened on a hinge. She looked almost dismayed and just stared at it, without opening it.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, perplexed. “The last present I got you wasn’t so bad, was it?” I gently touched the small ring around her neck. I loved that she still wore it every day.

With a grim determination, she opened the box and saw the tiny heart shaped charm lying inside. It was just slightly larger than the lifesaver ring I gave her before. She seemed relieved.

I lifted her chin with my finger, so she would look me in the eyes. “You already have my heart. Will it be so bad to wear it around your neck?”

She shook her head. “It’s beautiful. I love it,” she said, reaching up to kiss me softly. I didn’t understand why she had seemed so worried, and then I realized…Christmas…small box…

“Did you think I was going to ask you to marry me?” I asked, amazed. I had every intention of asking Bella to marry me, someday. But I didn’t think she would be thinking of it so soon.

“No, no…” she said, quickly, but I could tell she was lying, and maybe embarrassed.

“Would that be so bad?” I asked softly. “Marrying me?”

“No! I mean, yes! I…” she was badly flustered now, and I was even more surprised.

“Bella, I’m not asking you to marry me…now. Someday…maybe…but now…it’s too soon.” I struggled to say what I wanted. I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t want to marry her, because I very badly did. I just knew we had to wait.

Her shoulders slumped, in relief, I think. “My mom got married very young. I don’t want to do that, that’s all.” She wasn’t looking at me, instead staring down at the box which held my heart.

“We won’t do anything until you are ready…until we’re both ready,” I said softly, bringing her eyes up to mine again. “Agreed?” She nodded. I reached behind her neck, unclasped her necklace and then laced the heart charm onto it. The two charms made a tiny tinkling sound as they touched. I reached behind her to put it back on.

“Until then, you have my heart. And I don’t want it back,” I said, smiling.

“I have something for you, too,” she said, smiling again. “But it’s in Alice’s room. I’ll be right back.” She jumped off the bed and was gone in a flash. Before I had time to wonder what she could possibly have gotten me, she was back, a small box in her hand, about twice the size of the one I had given her. I stared at it, trying to guess what it might be.

“Open it, silly,” she said, smiling. When I did, I found a small blue iPod nano inside.

“Bella, you shouldn’t have…” I started. She pressed her fingers to my lips.

“You saved my life. I’ve been trying to find a way to repay you. This isn’t exactly it, but at least you’ll have your music again.”

I raised my eyebrows. “What’s on here?”

“A few things from my playlist. I recorded something special for you, but you have to wait until you get back to California to listen to it.”

I was intrigued, but I promised to wait. I carefully set the box aside and brought her back into my arms. We lay there snuggling and talking until late in the evening, when a brave Alice dared to come to my room to retrieve Bella and say they were all going to bed now…

BPOV

I wish I could go back in time, to Monterey Bay last summer, and tell myself that a year of separation at Dartmouth would not end Edward’s love for me. I wish I could tell past-me that our love would grow into something incredibly strong, that the times we had together were impossibly sweet and that I was afraid for no reason. I probably would have dismissed future-me as some kind of crazy but delightful dream. I certainly wouldn’t have believed that I could be sitting here, driving once again through the golden monotony of Oklahoma, chatting easily with my mom about spending the summer with Edward.

My giddiness about that seemed to grow with each mile we laid down in our cross-country trip. I had brought more CDs this time, but we didn’t need them. I had missed my mom so much, and we easily filled up the hours talking about everything and nothing. I was glad she could come, although one of these days I was determined to make this trip on my own, just to show I could do it.

My first year at Dartmouth had been wonderful and intense. Classes were tough, but fascinating. I was finding my education classes the most interesting, and the more I learned about how young minds grow and learn, the more I wanted to know. With Angela’s help, I had secured a summer teaching assistant position in Monterey Bay, only this time I would be helping teach summer literature classes at the University, instead of Fairies and Fairytales. I couldn’t wait to see what teaching a real class was like, but even more I couldn’t wait for my summer with Edward to begin. The last time we had seen each other was Spring Break, when he came out to Dartmouth. It was a glorious week, but it was vacation. This summer would be the first time that we would be seeing each other every day, but also going to school and work…just like a normal couple. It felt like a gift we had been long denied, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, counting the miles as they slowly ticked by on the odometer…

EPOV

I was jumpy. Of course, I knew why—I was waiting for Bella to arrive. But the level of my agitation was getting so bad, I needed to find some kind of distraction. I had finished listening to Bella read Pride and Prejudice on my iPod, for the second time, just last night, so I didn’t have that for a diversion. I put some music on the stereo, and that helped a little. Jasper had already gone over to Alice’s and I probably wouldn’t see him for the rest of the weekend. At least, I hoped not. Bella had dropped her mom off in Phoenix and was driving the rest of the way on her own, which made me a little nervous. I didn’t like the idea of her out there on her own, but I had to trust that she could take care of herself. Bella had called several hours ago, when she left Los Angeles, and probably wouldn’t call again before she arrived. Cell phone coverage could be spotty along the coast.

This waiting was driving me mad. It was not as if we hadn’t been waiting for a year to have this time together…we had become experts at waiting to see each other, filling the time with classes, phone calls and letters. Why this particular couple of hours would put me over the edge, I didn’t know.

I had thought that my love for Bella would not change, even if we were separated while she was at Dartmouth, but I was wrong. It had changed into something stronger, more enduring. Partly because I came to know her better, but also partly because I saw her change and grow into someone more confident. She was finding her purpose in the world and it made me love her even more. I didn’t think it was possible.

There was a soft, but distinct knock at the door. I flew to it, praying it wasn’t Jasper coming back for socks, or some damn thing. I tore open the door and there she was, looking weary from her long drive and absolutely radiant. I grabbed her, pulled her inside, a little too roughly by the surprised look on her face. I closed the door, and kissed her, pressing her back into the door with the intensity of it. I just needed to touch her for a long moment, reconnecting to her in a way I hadn’t been able to in months. My mind was dizzy with absorbing the feel of her silky hair, her soft lips, the delicate feel of her arms wrapped around me. When I finally paused for a breath, she said, “Well, hello to you too,” chuckling softly at me.

I smiled, not at all ashamed of my unrestrained need for her. I had to tell her at once.

“I got in,” I said, breathlessly. Her eyes went wide, questioning, so I nodded, adding, “I’m coming to D.C. in the fall.” She let out a small squeal of excitement and hugged me hard. I lifted her up, and she crashed her lips into mine.

I was never going to let this girl go again.

THE END

Dearest Readers,

Sigh. This is the end of LLP and big wet tears are splashing down on the keyboard just by typing those words…I have so enjoyed writing it and reading all your reviews. Thank you to my many faithful reviewers who read and reviewed every chapter as we went through this adventure together!

I was so sad to let this go, I have to admit I went back and read the beginning of the story again. I hadn’t read the early chapters in a long time, and I have to say it was a fun trip to see how these two started out, now that we know where they ended up. But, this is coming from someone who re-read Twilight several times, so there you have it.

A couple more things…

Yes, I shamelessly stole a line from the movie for this chapter. Sorry, it just fit. The Epilogue is coming and will be up next week. It will be a flash forward peek at how their lives turned out, as Bella and Edward’s story certainly doesn’t end here. There are, however, no promises for a sequel. I have several other projects lined up: first, I have to get back to finishing Darkest Before Dawn, hoping my faithful readers there will forgive me for neglecting it for so long; then, I’ve promised my kids that I will write them a SciFi (original fiction) story over the summer, so that is my next project. So, we’ll have to see what comes after that…

For you old-schoolers, see below for a translation of Bella and Edward’s texting…

B: WYD?(What are you doing?)

E: Studying, apt U?(Studying, apartment, you?)

B: Reading, dorm. Miss you. (surely you can figure this one out!)

E: MUSM. WRU reading?(Miss You So Much. What are you reading?)

B: Eng Lit, essay TAM. Teacher looks like you. Makes my heart race.

(English Literature, essay tomorrow a.m. Teacher looks like you. Makes my heart race.)

E: Do not go to office hours.

B: Yes, sir! ?

E: Dreamed about you, last night. In Arabic.

B: How is that diff than in English? (How is that different than in English?)

E: Steamier.

B: Not fair, 3221 miles away.

E: You started it. Write me. Get me back.

B: Ah, a challenge.

E: Take it any way you like.

B: Sigh. L8. Should go to bed.(Sigh. Late. Should go to bed.)

E: CM TPM before bed OK?(Call Me Tomorrow p.m. before bed okay?)

B: Promise.

E: Good luck TAM(Good luck tomorrow a.m.)

B: GNITE(Goodnight)

E: GNSD(Goodnight. Sweet Dreams)

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Chapter: 23

Chapter 23 – The Non-Epilogue

Dearest Readers,

I promised you an epilogue, and here I am, breaking that promise. I decided that if I wanted to leave this story open for the possibility of a sequel, that I did not want to lock myself in by doing an epilogue. I apologize! But, I think this will work out best for the future of the story. By they way, I am not promising a sequel either, and if there is one, it will be some time coming, since I need to finish Darkest Before the Dawn first (shameless plug alert)!

Now, since I promised you something, here’s a bit of fluffy summer fun. Any sequel will take place after this…

EPOV

I dropped a few kisses on Bella’s bare shoulder. Her skin was heated by the summer sun, which was frying us all to a crisp. I heard a small shriek and looked up to see Jasper walking out of the surf, body dripping and shaking his long blonde wet locks in the general direction of Alice, who was dancing on the sand out of the way. He was trying to convince her to come in the water. I turned my attention back to Bella, kissing her shoulder a few more times. She was laying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows and reading a novel, no doubt homework for the English Lit class she was helping teach.

“Reading, here…” she said, warningly.

I heard another screech from Alice and saw that Jasper had picked her up. She was clinging to him, arms and legs wrapped around him, and appeared to be trying to climb up higher on him to get further away from the water. He was marching resolutely out to sea, carrying Alice with him, a devilish grin on his face. Alice was vainly trying to keep out of the arctic cold of the Pacific ocean, but it was only a matter of time before they would be in water deep enough to reach her. She should just give up now.

I slid my hand across the small of Bella’s back, cuddling up further to her, giving me better access to her neck, placing my kisses there instead.

“I really am studying here…” she complained, turning a page and pretending to ignore me.

“You can study all you want in the fall,” I protested. She dog-eared her page, closing the book in a huff that rang particularly hollow when she turned in my arms and pulled me down to kiss her. A shriek that seemed too loud to have come from my little sister carried across the water and this time we both looked up to see a drenched Alice, shaking her tiny fists at Jasper and splashing through the water towards him. He was laughing and backing up, but she was faster. She started beating him when she reached him, and he feigned sinking into the sea.

“What are we going to do with the two of them?” Bella asked, grinning and shaking her head. I was too busy admiring Bella’s blue bikini to really be concerned about Jasper and Alice. I pressed my finger into her arm, testing for pinkness and sunburn.

“I think you need more suntan lotion,” I said, in my best serious voice.

She laughed. “You just put some on fifteen minutes ago!”

I picked up the lotion bottle nearby and pretended to read the label. “It says ‘apply often’.”

She laughed, took the bottle from me, tossing it onto the towel behind her, and kissed me again…which would do for now. I traced a line with my thumb along her waist and the curve of her hip, thinking that we really needed to revisit that agreement we had made last summer about waiting until we had time together, before we would make love. So far this summer, it felt as if we had an embarrassment of riches in time—every night for dinner, every evening we studied and graded papers together, every weekend was free time to explore California and generally play together. I had become intimately familiar with the daily Bella. I knew she liked lemon in her tea, her movies required popcorn and her musical tastes were atrocious. I wanted to explore more with her…

“Love?” I pulled away from kissing her, my fingers still playing a melody along her skin.

“Yes?” she murmured, her hand still entwined in my hair.

“I was thinking…” I was interrupted by loud, wet and laughing Jasper, followed closely by a rather irate pixie, which looked like my sister would if she had taken a shower with her swimsuit on.

“Bella, sugar, I need you to protect me from a terribly angry Alice,” he said, with deep humor in his eyes and dripping water on Bella as he cowered by her side.

“Ack!” Bella said, pushing him away. “Go pay your penance! Whatever it is, you deserve it.” She was laughing at him, and had completely forgotten that I had been saying something before he rudely interrupted. I sighed. It would have to wait.

Dearest Readers,

Thank you to everyone who read Life, Liberty and Pursuit - and special big kisses to everyone who has reviewed! You're the best!