A Christmas Carol
By Charles Dickens
Adapted for the stage by Jack Babb
Cast
In the Office:
Narrator
Ebenezer Scrooge
Bob Cratchit
Fred (Scrooge’s Nephew)
Two Ladies (doing charitable work)
A girl singing Christmas carols
In Scrooge’s Room:
Ghost of Jacob Marley
In the Past:
Ghost of Christmas Past
Scrooge as a young man
Fan (Scrooge’s sister)
Mr. Fezziwig
Belle
Mrs. Fezziwig
Guests at Mr. Fezziwig’s party
In the Present:
Ghost of Christmas Present
Mrs. Cratchit
Peter Cratchit
Martha Cratchit
Tiny Tim
A Lamplighter
Topper
Fred’s Wife
Fred’s Sister in Law
Guests at Fred’s party
In the Future:
Ghost of Christmas Future
Mrs. Dilber (a laundress)
A Housekeeper
Christmas Morning:
A young girl
A Poulterer
ACT 1
(Stage setting: A bare stage with a platform center. Behind the platform is a wall with windows that remain closed for most of the show. Doors on the lower half of the wall can be slid away from backstage to allow a bed to roll on and off. At the start- the stage is set for Scrooge’s office. Scrooge’s tall writing desk and stool are on the downstage center portion of the platform. Cratchit’s desk and stool are stage left. A small stool is on the up left part of the platform. The door to the office is off stage right. Scrooge and Cratchit are working at their desks. The Narrator is watching them.)
NARRATOR Once upon a time, of all the good days in the year on Christmas Eve, old Scrooge sat busy in his counting house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather.
SCROOGE I like it.
NARRATOR Yes you would, wouldn’t you. External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he. No falling snow was more intent upon its purpose. No pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The place was arranged so that Scrooge might keep his eye upon his clerk, who in a dismal little corner was copying letters. Scrooge had a very small fire. But the clerk's fire was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal.
CRATCHIT Excuse me, Mr. Scrooge… I don’t mean to bother you sir, but…
SCROOGE Now is not a good time, Mr. Cratchit.
CRATCHIT Yes sir. Its just…its rather cold today, sir.
SCROOGE Then we should bundle up, shouldn’t we Mr. Cratchit.
CRATCHIT Yes sir. (pause) I was wondering if we shouldn’t put just a little more coal on the fire.
SCROOGE Coal costs money, Mr. Cratchit.
CRATCHIT Yes sir.
SCROOGE My money. Do you think my money grows on trees?
CRATCHIT No sir. I’ll bundle up sir.
SCROOGE Excellent, Mr. Cratchit.
NARRATOR Oh, but he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner. Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire. Secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. (Music) Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks: My dear Scrooge, how are you? When will you come to see me? No beggars implored him to bestow a trifle.
SCROOGE Beggars!
NARRATOR No children asked him what time it was o'clock.
SCROOGE Children!
NARRATOR No man or woman ever once, in all his life, inquired the way to such and such a place of Scrooge. Even the blind men’s dogs appeared to know him and when they saw him coming on, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts. But what did Scrooge care? It was the very thing he liked. To edge his way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance. (A bell rings off stage right and we hear)
FRED A Merry Christmas, Uncle! God save you! (Bell rings again and Fred enters)
NARRATOR It was the voice of Scrooge's Nephew, Fred, who came upon him so quickly that this was the first intimation the old boy had of his approach.
SCROOGE Merry Christmas? Christmas is a humbug!
FRED Christmas a humbug, Uncle! You don't mean that, I am sure?
SCROOGE I do. Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough.
FRED Come then, what right have you to be dismal? What reason have you to be morose? You're rich enough.
SCROOGE Bah! Humbug!
FRED Don't be cross, Uncle.
SCROOGE What else can I be, when I live in such a world of fools as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon Merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money. A time for finding yourself a year older, and not an hour richer. A time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em presented dead against you. If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
FRED Uncle!
SCROOGE Nephew! Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.
FRED Keep it, but you don't keep it.
SCROOGE Let me leave it alone then, much good may it do you! Much good it has ever done you!
FRED There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say. Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come around, as a good time. A kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. And therefore, Uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good, and I say, God bless it! (Cratchit applauds.)
SCROOGE (To Cratchit) Let me hear another sound from you and you'll keep your Christmas by losing your situation. (To Fred) You're quite a powerful speaker, sir, I wonder you don't go into Parliament.
FRED Don't be angry, Uncle. Come! Dine with us to-morrow.
SCROOGE I'll dine in Hell first.
FRED Uncle, why won’t you join us. It would be a great joy to me, and to my wife.
SCROOGE Ah yes, your wife. I’m told she brought very little to the marriage. Tell me nephew, why did you get married?
FRED Because I fell in love.
SCROOGE Because you fell in love. Good afternoon!
FRED Nay Uncle, but you never came to see me before that happened. Why give it as a reason for not coming now?
SCROOGE Good afternoon.
FRED I want nothing from you. I ask nothing of you. Why cannot we be friends?
SCROOGE Good afternoon.
FRED I am sorry, with all my heart, to find you so resolute. We have never had any quarrel to which I have been a party. But I have made the trial in homage to Christmas, and I'll keep my Christmas humor to the last. So A Merry Christmas , Uncle! (Scrooge does not reply. The only sound we hear is Scrooge counting his money as he ignores Fred and continues to work and Music from the street.) And a Happy New Year! Merry Christmas, Mr. Cratchit.
CRATCHIT Merry Christmas, Mr. Fred. (Fred Exits Right)
SCROOGE There's another fellow, my clerk, with fifteen shillings a week, and a wife and family, talking about a Merry Christmas. I'll retire to bedlam. (From off right we hear the sound of a bell)
FRED (Offstage) Oh! Merry Christmas!
FIRST LADY (Offstage) Merry Christmas! Scrooge and Marley’s, I believe.
SCROOGE Get rid of her.
CRATCHIT Yes sir. (Cratchit exits right.)
NARRATOR One point must be understood. Marley was dead to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail. Mind! I don't mean to say that I know of my own knowledge what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
SCROOGE Oh, get on with it.
NARRATOR Nevertheless you will please permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
SCROOGE (at the same time as the narrator) Marley was as dead as a doornail. Yes, we know.
NARRATOR Scrooge knew he was dead. Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event.
SCROOGE If fact, I struck a very good bargain on the cost of the funeral.
NARRATOR I have no doubt. Now, the mention of Marley's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Marley was dead.
SCROOGE Yes, I think we got that bit.
NARRATOR This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of this story.
SCROOGE Humbug.
NARRATOR Scrooge never painted out old Marley's name. There it stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley. Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge, "Scrooge", and sometimes "Marley". But he answered to both names. It was all the same to him.
CRATCHIT I really don’t think that this is a good time
FIRST LADY (Entering from right with Second Lady and Cratchit following.) It’s as good a time as any other.
SECOND LADY Scrooge and Marley's, I believe. Have we the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge, or Mr. Marley?
SCROOGE Addressing Mr. Marley would be no pleasure. He has been dead for seven years. (Scrooge shoots Cratchit a nasty look.)
CRATCHIT (crossing to his desk) I’m sorry sir I… (to the Ladies) Merry Christmas, Ladies… (to anyone who will listen) I’ll just be getting back to work now.
SCROOGE Excellent, Mr. Cratchit. (To Ladies) Mr. Marley died seven years ago this very night.
FIRST LADY On Christmas Eve! What a pity!
SCROOGE It’s as good a time as any other to die.
SECOND LADY We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner.
SCROOGE Oh! Indeed. It is.
FIRST LADY At this festive season of the year, Mr. Marley,
SECOND LADY Mr. Scrooge.
SCROOGE It doesn’t matter.
FIRST LADY At this festive season of the year, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries, hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts.
SCROOGE Are there no prisons?
FIRST LADY Plenty of prisons.
SCROOGE And the workhouses, they are still in operation?
SECOND LADY They are. Still I wish I could say they were not.
SCROOGE The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigor, then?
SECOND LADY Both very busy, sir.
SCROOGE Oh! I was afraid that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course. I am very glad to hear it.
FIRST LADY A few of us are endeavoring to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth, Mr. Marley.
SECOND LADY Mr. Scrooge.
SCROOGE What!
SECOND LADY No, sorry, I was just saying that your name is Mr. Scrooge.
SCROOGE I know my own name!
FIRST LADY (Music from the street) We choose this time because it is a time, of all others, when want is keenly felt and abundance rejoices. What shall we put you down for, Mr. Marley?
SCROOGE Nothing!
FIRST LADY You wish to be anonymous?
SCROOGE I wish to be left alone. Since you ask me what I wish, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas, and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned. They cost enough. Those who are badly off must go there.
SECOND LADY Many can't go there and many would rather die.
SCROOGE If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. It's not my business. It's enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon.
NARRATOR Seeing clearly that it would be useless to pursue their point, the ladies withdrew. (They Exit.) Scrooge resumed his labors with an improved opinion of himself and in a more facetious temper than was usual with him. (The offstage bell rings twice) Meanwhile the fog and darkness thickened. But the brightness of the shops, where holly sprigs and berries crackled in the lamp heat of the windows, made pale faces ruddy as they passed. Poulterers' and grocers' trades became a splendid joke. A glorious pageant with which it was impossible to believe that such dull principals as bargain and sale had anything to do. (The narrator deliberately knocks over a stack of coins that Scrooge had been working on, much to Scrooges displeasure. Off stage bell rings once and carol girl enters.)
CAROL GIRL Merry Christmas. A penny for a carol, sirs? (She unfolds a little banner that reads: PENNY FOR A CAROL and starts singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
CRATCHIT I really don’t think that this is a good time.
SCROOGE Get out of my office
CAROL GIRL Perhaps you’d prefer “The Twelve Days of Christmas”
SCROOGE (Grabs cane and drives her out of the office during the following) No!
CAROL GIRL Or the Ten days of Christmas?
SCROOGE Out!
CAROL GIRL Seven days?
SCROOGE Good-bye
CAROL GIRL Three
SCROOGE Go! (She is gone) Humbug!
CAROL GIRL (enters again) One day- and that’s my final offer. (Scrooge looks at her) Right- I’ll just be on my way, then. (She exits and we hear the off stage bell)
NARRATOR (Sound- Bell starts first of six rings.) The ancient tower of a church, whose gruff old bell was always peeping slyly down at Scrooge became invisible and struck the hours and quarters in the clouds. At length the hour of shutting up the counting-house arrived. With an ill-will Scrooge tacitly admitted the fact to the expectant clerk. (Scrooge checks his watch and grumbles in Cratchit's direction, indicating that he can go. Cratchit blows out candle and timidly walks to Scrooge, plucking up the courage to ask for Christmas Day off. Finally Cratchit weakly clears his throat.)
CRATCHIT Mr. Scrooge, sir. I know that this is probably not a good time, but…
SCROOGE You'll want all day to-morrow, I suppose?
CRATCHIT If quite convenient, sir.
SCROOGE It's not convenient and it's not fair. If I was to dock you half-a-crown for it, you'd think yourself ill-used, I'll be bound? And yet, you don't think me ill-used when I pay a day's wages for no work.
CRATCHIT It's only once a year sir.
SCROOGE A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every Twenty-fifth of December. But I suppose you must have the whole day. Be here all the earlier next morning to make up for it!
CRATCHIT I will sir. Thank you sir. And a very Merry Christmas. (Cratchit Exits.)
SCROOGE Humbug. (He blows out candle. Lights and Music. Scrooge Exits. The office is struck. The candle from Scrooge’s desk is placed on the small stool up left. Spotlight up on narrator.)
NARRATOR Scrooge took his melancholy dinner in his usual melancholy tavern. And having read all the newspapers, and beguiled the rest of the evening with his banker's book, went home to bed. He lived in chambers which had once belonged to his deceased partner. They were a gloomy suite of rooms, in a lowering pile of buildings up a yard. It was old enough now, and dreary enough, for nobody lived in it but Scrooge. The yard was so dark that even Scrooge, who knew its every stone, was fain to grope with his hands. (Scrooge enters from the audience and gropes some audience member with his hands) What are you doing?
SCROOGE I’m groping with my hands.
NARRATOR This is a family show. Come here and behave yourself. Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about the knocker on the door, except that it was very large. It is also a fact that Scrooge had not bestowed one thought on Marley since his last mention of his seven-year's dead partner that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Scrooge saw in the knocker, not a knocker but (a green, ghoulish, spotlight hits an audience member in the face) Marley's face.
SCROOGE Marley's face?
NARRATOR Play along. Marley’s Face. It was not in impenetrable shadow as the other objects in the yard were, but had a dismal light about it
SCROOGE like a bad lobster in a dark cellar.
NARRATOR The hair was curiously stirred, as if by breath or hot-air. And though the eyes were wide open, they were perfectly motionless.
SCROOGE That, and its livid colour, made it horrible.
NARRATOR As Scrooge looked fixedly at this phenomenon, (Spot Light out on audience member.) it was a knocker again.
SCROOGE Humbug! (He exits and changes into dressing gown and nightcap.)
NARRATOR Scrooge walked across the hall and up the steps. He was not a man to be afraid of doorknockers. (The bed rolls out of the wall in the darkness) He did walk through his rooms to see that all was right. He had just enough recollection of the face to desire to do that. Sitting Room, bed room- all as they should be. Nobody under the table, nobody under the sofa, nobody under the bed, nobody in the closet, nobody in his dressing gown, which was hanging up in a suspicious attitude against the wall. Thus secured against surprise, Scrooge put on his dressing gown and his nightcap; and sat down before the fire to take his gruel. (Music. Lights crossfade to stage silhouette. Scrooge enters and crosses to center of platform and sits eating his gruel. The narrator lights the candle and lights crossfade to Scrooge’s room.)
NARRATOR Marley’s face.
SCROOGE Humbug, I don’t believe in ghosts.
NARRATOR It’s dark.
SCROOGE I like the dark. Darkness is cheap, and cheapness is tonic for the sensible man.
NARRATOR Marley’s face.
SCROOGE Nonsense, I’m alone
NARRATOR Are you?
SCROOGE Yes! I’m very fond of solitude. It makes me self reliant. There is nothing I need share. No one can do me injury. (Sound- “Scrooge” is whispered repeatedly.)
NARRATOR Perhaps you had better lock that door.
SCROOGE Humbug, I never lock the door.
NARRATOR Even so. Marley’s face!
SCROOGE Stop saying that! (Sound- scrooge whispers.) Perhaps I had better lock the door. (Scrooge exits and locks the door- we hear a click from offstage. He leaves the bowl of gruel back stage and enters. When he is halfway to his bed we hear from offstage)
MARLEY Scrooge.
SCROOGE . Perhaps I'd better double lock it.
NARRATOR Good idea. (Scrooge exits and locks the door again. He enters. From offstage we hear the sound of a door slamming, chains and )
MARLEY Scrooge.
NARRATOR Right. I’ve had enough. You’re on your own. Good-bye. (He exits)
SCROOGE Coward! It's Humbug still. I won't believe it!
MARLEY (Entering from down left) Ebenezer Scrooge!
SCROOGE What do you want with me.
MARLEY Much
SCROOGE Who are you
MARLEY Ask me who I was.
SCROOGE You’re particular for a shade. Who were you then?
MARLEY In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley.
SCROOGE Humbug!
MARLEY You don't believe in me.
SCROOGE I don't.
MARLEY What evidence would you have of my reality. Why do you doubt your senses?
SCROOGE Because a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are. Humbug, I tell you- Humbug. Tell me this, my friend, why should spirits walk the earth, and why should they come to me?
MARLEY It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk among his fellow men and travel far and wide. And if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth and turned to happiness.
SCROOGE You are fettered. Tell me why.
MARLEY I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link and yard by yard. Is its pattern strange to you? Or would you know the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full, as heavy, and as long as this seven Christmas Eves ago. You have labored on it since. It is a ponderous chain.
SCROOGE Jacob. Old Jacob Marley, tell me more. But speak comfort to me, Jacob.
MARLEY I have none to give. It comes from other regions, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers to other kinds of men. Nor can I tell you what I would. I cannot rest. I cannot stay. I cannot linger anywhere. Mark me. In life my spirit never roamed beyond the limits of our counting house.
SCROOGE But you were always a good man of business, Jacob.
MARLEY Business. Mankind should have been my business. The common welfare should have been my business. Charity, Mercy, Forbearance, and Benevolence all, should have been my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business. Oh Captive! Bound and double ironed. Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused. Yet, such was I. Such was I. Hear me. My time is nearly gone.
SCROOGE I will.
MARLEY I am here to-night to warn you that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate. A chance and hope of my procuring, Ebenezer.
SCROOGE You were always a good friend to me, Jacob, thank'ee!
MARLEY You will be haunted by Three Spirits.
SCROOGE Is that the chance and hope you mentioned, Jacob?
MARLEY It is.
SCROOGE I think I'd rather not.
MARLEY Without their visits you cannot hope to shun the path I tread. Expect the first to-morrow, when the bell tolls one.
SCROOGE Couldn't I take 'em all at once and have it over, Jacob?
MARLEY Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more. And look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us! (Sound- thunder followed by screeching wind. Marley Exits Down left. Narrator enters)
NARRATOR Scrooge became sensible of confused noises in the air. He followed Marley to the window. Desperate in his curiosity, he looked out. The air was filled with phantoms, wandering hither and thither in restless haste, and moaning as they went. Every one of them wore chains like Marley's Ghost. None were free. The misery with them all was, clearly, that they sought to interfere, for good, in human matters, and had lost the power forever. (Sound fades out. Scrooge gets in bed and Narrator covers him with the blanket.) Whether these creatures faded into the mist, or mist enshrouded them, Scrooge could not tell. But they and their spirit voices faded together, and the night became as it had been. Scrooge went to bed without undressing and fell asleep in an instant. (Narrator blows out candle. Lights out. Sound. Four chimes. Lights up.) When Scrooge awoke, the chimes of the neighboring church had struck the four quarters, (Sound- clock- 12 bells.) so he listened to the hour. To his great astonishment the heavy bell went on from six to…
SCROOGE Seven.
NARRATOR And from eight to…
SCROOGE Nine.
NARRATOR …and regularly to twelve.
SCROOGE Twelve?
NARRATOR Twelve.
SCROOGE But it was past two when I went to bed.
NARRATOR Perhaps the clock is wrong.
SCROOGE An icicle must have got into the works. Twelve!
NARRATOR Is it possible that you could have slept through a whole day and far into another night?
SCROOGE No
NARRATOR Is it possible that something has happened to the sun and it is twelve noon?
SCROOGE Don’t be silly.
NARRATOR Suddenly Scrooge remembered something Marley had said.
SCROOGE What did Marley say?
NARRATOR (doing a bad impersonation of Marley) Expect the first spirit when the bell tolls one.
SCROOGE Right. I shall stay awake until one.
NARRATOR Considering you could no more go to sleep than go to heaven, this is, perhaps, a good idea. (Sound- Quarter chime)
SCROOGE Quarter Past.
NARRATOR Scrooge thought and thought and thought it over and over and over. (Sound- 2 Quarter chimes)
SCROOGE Half Past.
NARRATOR The more he thought, the more perplexed he was, and the more he endeavored not to think, the more he thought. (Sound- 3 Quarter chimes)
SCROOGE Quarter to it.
NARRATOR Marley's Ghost bothered him exceedingly. Every time he resolved that it was all a dream, his mind flew back again to its first position and presented the same problem: Was it a dream or not? (Sound- 4 Quarter chimes)
SCROOGE The hour itself. And nothing else. Mistaken in death as you were in life, my friend.
NARRATOR He spoke before the hour bell sounded, which it now did. Deep, Dull, Hollow, and Melancholy. (Sound- Bell tolls 1. Christmas Past Enters.)
PAST Merry Christmas.
SCROOGE Are you the spirit who's coming was foretold to me?
PAST I am
SCROOGE Who, and what are you?
PAST I am the ghost of Christmas Past.
SCROOGE Long past?
PAST No. Your past.
SCROOGE What business brings you here?
PAST Your education, your happiness, your salvation, your welfare.
SCROOGE My welfare? Well thank you, I am much obliged, but a good night's rest would have been more conducive to that end.
PAST Your reclamation then.
SCROOGE There is no reclamation in the past. I do not wish to see it.
PAST Why not?
SCROOGE It is unpleasant to me.
PAST Take heed. Rise and walk with me.
SCROOGE Walk? Outside? Spirit I have only my dressing gown on.
PAST No one will see us.
SCROOGE Where are we going?
PAST Through space and time.
SCROOGE But Spirit, I'm mortal and liable to fall!
PAST Bear but a touch of my hand there, (Places her hand on his heart. Music.) and you shall be upheld in more than this. (Lights crossfade to a spot on the narrator. Scrooge and Past exit. The bed is rolled back into the wall)
NARRATOR As the words were spoken, they passed through the wall, and stood upon an open country road, with fields on either hand. The city had entirely vanished. Not a vestige of it was to be seen. The darkness and the mist had vanished with it , for it was a clear, cold, winter day, with snow upon the ground. Scrooge was conscious of a thousand odors floating through the air, each one connected with a thousand thoughts, and hopes, and joys, and cares long, long forgotten. (Narrator exits.)
PAST Do you remember this place?
SCROOGE Remember it! Good Heaven, I was a boy here. It’s my old schoolhouse. Of course I remember it. (At this point Scrooge is pointing to various audience members calling them by name and saying hello) Why that’s Dick Wilkins. Hello Dick! He was very much attached to me, was Dick. And Persephene Longbottom. Merry Christmas.
PAST These are but shadows of things that have been, they have no consciousness of us.
SCROOGE Then why did he(or she) smile. Oh, and that’s Lucy Ledbetter! Merry Christmas.
PAST Merry Christmas? Why Christmas is a humbug! What’s Christmas time to you? If you could work your will, every idiot who goes about with “Merry Christmas on his lips would be boiled in his own pudding and…
SCROOGE Oh piffle. I want to say good-bye. It’s Christmas and all the children are leaving for the holidays.
PAST Not everyone. (Young Scrooge enters with a book.)
SCROOGE No
PAST The school is not quite deserted. A solitary child, neglected by his friends, is left there still. Why should this child be alone on Christmas?
SCROOGE His Father…my father never allowed me to come home for Christmas.
PAST Why?
SCROOGE I never knew. My father was a very... stern man. But it didn't matter. Christmas was a time for solitude. A time to... catch up on my studies, or reading. (Young Scrooge begins reading his book.) There, you see, he had his friends, even on this day, among his beloved books. He has Ali Baba. Dear old honest Ali Baba. And the Sultans Groom turned upside down by the genie. There he is upon his head. Don't you see him! Serve him right. I'm glad of it. What business had he being married to the princess.
PAST Yes, but not a real friend to talk to. Not a living person.
SCROOGE What- Ali Baba not real? And Robinson Crusoe, and Friday? I suppose they're not real either. He made do, this boy.
PAST Let us see another Christmas here.
SCROOGE No. They were all very much the same.
PAST Not all of them. Look!
FAN (From offstage) Ebenezer!
SCROOGE and YOUNG SCROOGE Fan!
FAN (Enters) Ebenezer. Dear, dear brother.
SCROOGE Fan.
YOUNG SCROOGE What are you doing here
FAN I have come to bring you home dear brother, to bring you home!
YOUNG SCROOGE Home, Fan?
FAN Yes! Home, Ebenezer. At least for Christmas. Father is so much kinder than he used to be, that home's like Heaven! He spoke so gently to me one dear night when I was going to bed, that I was not afraid to ask him once more if you might come home. And he said yes you should, and sent me in a coach to bring you.
SCROOGE Fan.
FAN And he has arranged an apprenticeship for you. You're to be a man and are never to come back here. But first, we're to be together all the Christmas long, and have the merriest time in all the world. (They Exit.)
SCROOGE You were quite a little woman, Fan.
PAST Always a delicate creature whom a breath might have withered. But she had a large heart.
SCROOGE So she had, you're right. I'll not gainsay it Spirit. God forbid.
PAST She died a young woman and had, as I think, children.
SCROOGE One child.
PAST True, your nephew, Fred.
SCROOGE Yes.
PAST Come, let us see another Christmas. (Lights. Young Scrooge enters with a sign that says “Fezziwig” which he hangs center and sits on platform, working in a ledger. From off stage right we hear the sounds of a party) Do you know this place?
SCROOGE Know it? I was apprenticed here. (Fezziwig enters from stage right and watches young Scrooge working.) Why that’s old Fezziwig to be sure. Bless his heart, it’s old Fezziwig alive again.
FEZZIWIG Ho there lad. No more work tonight. It’s Christmas, Ebenezer, It’s Christmas. Come and join the party.
YOUNG SCROOGE I’m just finishing up.
FEZZIWIG Come to the party. We have singing, dancing, Christmas cheer! One cup of Mrs. Fezziwig’s punch and you won’t even be able to see those blasted numbers you’re working on.
YOUNG SCROOGE Really, I’m almost done. Just one more minute.
FEZZIWIG I’ll give you exactly one minute. (Exits right.)
PAST Why weren’t you at the party?
SCROOGE Well there was work to be done. (Young Scrooge exits left and gets rid of the papers.) Old Fezziwig was a wonderful master, but not a very good man of business.
PAST I see. You couldn’t dance, could you.
SCROOGE No, I couldn’t dance. (Belle enters from right out of breath and laughing. She sits on center platform, catching her breath. Young Scrooge enters from Left and sees her. He is entranced. She does not see him.) Belle.
PAST Do you know this girl?
SCROOGE Belle. I’d forgotten how beautiful she was.
YOUNG SCROOGE Hello.
BELLE Oh! You startled me.
YOUNG SCROOGE (Overlapping) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…
BELLE (Overlapping) No- I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was in here. Who are you.
YOUNG SCROOGE I’m Mr. Fezziwig’s apprentice.
BELLE Pleased to meet you “Mr. Fezziwig’s apprentice.” My name is Belle.
YOUNG SCROOGE Pleased to meet you, Belle
BELLE What are you doing in here? You should be with us dancing.
YOUNG SCROOGE Oh, I’m afraid I don’t know how to dance.
BELLE Don’t know how to dance. Nonsense, I’ll teach you. (Despite Young Scrooge’s protests she tries to teach him a step and he is fairly awful. Finally she looks at him and says:) You really don’t know how to dance, do you?
YOUNG SCROOGE No.
BELLE You know, ‘‘Mr. Fezziwig’s apprentice’’, I don’t believe that’s your real name.
YOUNG SCROOGE No.
BELLE Well, what is your name?
YOUNG SCROOGE You’ll laugh.
BELLE I won’t.
YOUNG SCROOGE You will.
BELLE I promise.
YOUNG SCROOGE It’s…Ebenezer
BELLE (Tries to stifle a laugh, but cant)
YOUNG SCROOGE You see.
BELLE I’m sorry, but Ebenezer?! (She can’t stop laughing)
YOUNG SCROOGE (Starts to laugh himself) Yes. It’s Ebenezer SCROOGE. (This, of course, slaughters them both)
FEZZIWIG (Enters) Well, Ebenezer Scrooge, since you won’t come to the party, the party is coming to you. (All enter)
MRS. FEZZIWIG (With Punchbowl) Fill up. Fill up all around. (Everyone fills their cups with punch.) It will be two hours good before you see the bottom of this bowl. Fill up all around! A cup of punch, Mr. Fezziwig.
MR. FEZZIWIG With great pleasure, Mrs. Fezziwig. (As he bends down to get a cup of punch, She holds a sprig of mistletoe above his head and kisses him.)
Come, everyone, a toast. To Christmas.
ALL To Christmas.
MR. FEZZIWIG King of the seasons, all.
ALL King of the seasons, all. (They all drink. Mrs. Fezziwig drinks strait from the punchbowl.)
MR FEZZIWIG And now, Mrs. Fezziwig, perhaps a song.
MRS FEZZIWIG I’ll give you one, Mr. Fezziwig, in default of a better, Wassail. (Mrs. Fezziwig sings the first verse. Mr. Fezziwig joins in the second verse and everyone sings the third verse.) And now I think that it's time for Christmas dinner. Unless, of course, you're not hungry. (A general stampede as they exit up right. General consternation as they realize they have left the punchbowl behind. Fezziwig enters- grabs the punch bowl, takes a sip and exits. Music.)
SCROOGE (Crosses Right) Old Fezziwig was the finest master a lad could have.
PAST (Crosses.) A small matter to make these silly folks so full of gratitude.
SCROOGE Small matter!
PAST Why! Is it not? He has spent but a few pence of your mortal money. Three or four, perhaps. Is that so much that he deserves praise?
SCROOGE It isn't that. It isn't that Spirit. He has the power to render us happy or unhappy. To make our service light or burdensome. A pleasure or a toil. The happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost... as if it cost a fortune.
PAST What is the matter?
SCROOGE Nothing particular.
PAST Something, I think.
SCROOGE No. I should like to be able to say a word to my clerk just now. That's all.
PAST Let us see another Christmas. (Music and lights. Young Scrooge enters and replaces the “Fezziwig” sign with the “Scrooge and Marley” sign during the following) You are older now, a man in the prime of life. And yet careworn and restless
SCROOGE I was a man of business. I had a passion to succeed. I was eager for..
PAST For profit? Watch and remember. (Belle enters and watches Young Scrooge.)
BELLE Ebenezer.
YOUNG SCROOGE Belle, I'm glad you could come. Today is the most important day of my life.
BELLE (Seeing FEZZIWIG sign.) Yes, I see. Your name won’t be ‘’Mr. Fezziwig’s Apprentice’’ anymore, will it.
YOUNG SCROOGE Yes, well,... business. (He puts Fezziwig sign away.)
SCROOGE Please, I do not wish to see this.
PAST Watch and learn.
YOUNG SCROOGE I wanted to see you, Belle, because I think the time has come for us to fulfill our contract with each other.
BELLE Our contract?
YOUNG SCROOGE Our contract to be married, of course.
BELLE Ebenezer, our "contract" is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so. Until, in good season, we could change our worldly fortunes by our patient industry. You have changed. When it was made you were another man.
YOUNG SCROOGE I was a boy.
BELLE You see. Your own feeling tells you that you were not then the person you are now.
YOUNG SCROOGE Even if I have grown so much the wiser, what then? I have not changed my feelings for you.
BELLE You are changed Ebenezer. And so I release you from your "contract". (Tries to give him back the ring.)
YOUNG SCROOGE Have I ever sought release?
BELLE In words no, never.
YOUNG SCROOGE In what then?
BELLE In a changed nature. In an altered spirit. In another atmosphere of life. In another hope at its great end.
SCROOGE (Overlapping "In another atmosphere...") I made business decisions to secure the future. Our future.
BELLE (Continuing) In anything that made my love of any worth or value in your sight. Tell me, if this "contract" had never been between us, would you seek me out and try to win me now? Me. A dowerless girl. (He waits just a little too long to answer.) Ah, no.
YOUNG SCROOGE You think I would not.
BELLE I would gladly think otherwise, if I could. I release you with a full heart for the love of him you once were. (Gives him the ring.) You may have pain in this. The memory of what is past half makes me hope you will. But you will dismiss the recollection of it gladly, as an unprofitable dream from which it happened well that you awoke. May you be happy in the life you have chosen. (She Exits.)
SCROOGE Go after her you fool. (Young Scrooge exits in the other direction.) I almost went after her.
PAST Almost.
SCROOGE Why didn’t I go after her?
PAST Perhaps there was no profit to be had in the arrangement.
SCROOGE Spirit, Why do you delight in torturing me?
PAST I told you, these are but the shadows of the things that have been. That they are what they are, do not blame me.
SCROOGE I do not wish to see any more. Conduct me home.
PAST Very well. (Music and spot light on Scrooge. Past Exits and the bed is rolled out. Scrooge crosses to bed as a spot light comes up on the bed. He sits- then lies down as narrator enters and crosses into the spotlight that was on Scrooge.)
NARRATOR There he lies, Ebenezer Scrooge. No need to tell him that the bell will soon strike again. (Music. Spot out on Narrator)
SCROOGE Humbug! (Music- spot out on Scrooge. They exit. End of act 1)
ACT 2
NARRATOR (Sound- four quarters.) Awaking in the middle of a prodigiously tough snore (Which Scrooge does.) and sitting up in bed to get his thoughts together, Scrooge had no occasion to be told that the bell was again upon the stroke of one.
SCROOGE Then why are you telling me.
NARRATOR I’m not telling you. I’m telling them. (gestures to audience.)
SCROOGE What are all these people doing in my bedroom.
NARRATOR Never mind them. They paid to be here.
SCROOGE It all sounds a bit dodgy to me.
NARRATOR Don’t worry. You’ll get your cut.
SCROOGE That’s all right then.
NARRATOR Scrooge felt that he was restored to consciousness in the right nick of time, for he wished to challenge the spirit on the moment of its appearance and did not wish to be taken by surprise and made nervous. Now being prepared for almost anything he was by no means prepared for… (Sound- 1 bell rings) nothing.
SCROOGE Nothing?
NARRATOR Nothing. Nothing came. Scrooge sat on his bed hearing only- every now and then (The Ghost of Christmas Present laughs from offstage) a faint laughter. Which- being faint- was more alarming than a dozen ghosts. (Christmas Present laughs again and the narrator says, pointedly, to Scrooge) At last he began to think that the source of this secret laughter might be coming from the adjoining room.
SCROOGE Oh, right. (He exits as)
NARRATOR At last the idea took full possession of his mind. (The Ghost of Christmas Present enters wishing the audience a Merry Christmas and giving candy out. Most of the rest of the cast will help in this endeavor, while the bed is rolled back into the wall. Eventually Scrooge enters and chases all the actors except Christmas Present and the Narrator off. The Narrator will sit on the step in the audience during the following)
SCROOGE Get out of here. Get out of my room. Go away. Not you- you paid to be here. Stop this, this instant. Etc.
PRESENT Merry Christmas. Come here, man, and know me better.
SCROOGE Who are you?
PRESENT I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me. You have never seen the like of me before!
SCROOGE Never!
PRESENT Then you must come to know me better, little man. Have you never walked forth with the other members of my family?
SCROOGE I don't believe I have. Do you have a large family, Spirit?
PRESENT Large? Oh my goodness there’s (a short list of names are uttered here.) More than eighteen hundred! All of them born on this day.
SCROOGE A tremendous family to provide for.
PRESENT Oh, but they are well provided for.
SCROOGE Spirit, conduct me where you will. I went forth last night on compulsion, and I learnt a lesson which is working on me now. Tonight, if you have aught to teach me, let me profit by it.
PRESENT Let you profit by it?
SCROOGE Yes.
PRESENT Profit? Oh, you have yet much to learn. Come, have a drink.
SCROOGE What is in it?
PRESENT Christmas punch. Have you never partaken of my Christmas punch?
SCROOGE Not that I recall.
PRESENT Man, what you have missed in life. Try some- be merry.
SCROOGE Well, maybe just a little. (He drinks)
PRESENT A little is all you need. Do you not feel merrier already?
SCROOGE Might I have a little more?
PRESENT Come, be generous with yourself for once. (He drinks again and falls into the narrator’s arms.)
SCROOGE Spirit, I feel quite giddy.
PRESENT And so you should- It’s Christmas! Come. Touch my robe. (Music. Lights. Scrooge and Present exit and cross around to the back of the center platform, where they will watch the next scene looking in the window center. The Narrator gets up from the step. Peter enters with a saucepan and a fork. He sets the saucepan on the “fireplace” down center. Mrs. Cratchit enters and sets the small stool on the down center section of the platform. She fusses around Peter and looks off down left for any signs of Bob, Tim, or Martha, then exits up right.)
NARRATOR And perhaps it was the pleasure the good Spirit had in showing off its power, or else it was its own kind, generous, hearty nature, and sympathy with all poor men, that led them straight to Scrooge's clerk's. For there they went, and the Spirit stopped to bless Bob Cratchit's dwelling. Think of that! The Ghost of Christmas Present stopped to bless Bob Cratchit’s little four room house. (Narrator exits)
SCROOGE Spirit, why do you bless this house.
PRESENT I bless all homes on this day. Poor homes most of all.
SCROOGE Why poor homes most of all.
PRESENT Because they need it most of all.
SCROOGE Who are they? (Mrs. Cratchit enters)
PRESENT The family of your 15 shilling clerk. There's Mrs. Cratchit, wearing a threadbare gown made brave by ribbons. Ribbons make a good show for sixpence, Scrooge. That's Peter, tending the potatoes.
SCROOGE You know them well?
PRESENT I often come by here.
PETER Potatoes are done, Mother.
MRS CRATCHIT (taking saucepan and fork from Peter.) They can’t be done. Your fathers not home yet, nor Tim. Nor Martha neither. She warn’t as late last Christmas by half an hour. (She exits up right with the potatoes.)
MARTHA (From off left.) Merry Christmas.
PETER Here she is now, Mother. (Martha Enters.) Merry Christmas, Martha. Martha there is such a goose.
MARTHA (Overlapping dialogue.) Peter! Merry Christmas.
MRS CRATCHIT (Entering from up Right. Overlapping.) Martha!
MARTHA (overlapping dialogue) Merry Christmas, Mother.
MRS CRATCHIT (Overlapping) Bless your heart alive, how late you are.
MARTHA We'd a good deal of work to finish up last night, and we had to clear away this morning.
MRS CRATCHIT Well never you mind, so long as you're here. Sit ye down by the fire and have a good warm.
PETER (We hear Cratchit and Tim singing offstage down left as they make their way down the street.) No there's Father. Hide Martha, hide. We'll surprise him! (Business as she hides.)
CRATCHIT (Enters with Tiny Tim on his back.) Merry Christmas, Mrs. Cratchit! Merry Christmas, Peter.
TINY TIM (Overlapping.) Merry Christmas.
PETER (Overlapping) Merry Christmas, Father, Tim.
MRS CRATCHIT Merry Christmas. Bless me. Why are you so late coming home from church?
TIM Father took me down the slide at Cornwall twenty times!
MRS CRATCHIT Robert!
CRATCHIT In honor of it being Christmas. It was closer to ten times, really. But we're here, safe and sound. Why, where's our Martha?
PETER Not coming.
CRATCHIT Not coming? Not coming upon Christmas Day?
MARTHA Here I am, Father! I couldn’t bear teasing him. Merry Christmas, Father.
CRATCHIT Merry Christmas, Martha .
CRATCHIT My clever family played a trick on me, eh? (Laughs. The children climb all over their father, fairly mauling him.)
SCROOGE (To the children) Stop that! Stop that! He'll have no strength left for work tomorrow!
CRATCHIT I do believe I am a rich man.
SCROOGE On fifteen shillings a week?
CRATCHIT I am a rich man. Martha, it's good to have you home. How are they treating you at the milliners shop?
MARTHA Well enough. The work is hard. Fourteen hours a day. Oh, but I saw a Countess and a Lord day before yesterday. The Lord was as tall as Peter. The Countess could never decide what she wanted so she bought everything.
PETER (playing “The Lord”) Oh my dear. The strain of choosing is much too great! We’ll simply buy the shop!
MARTHA And then we had to work all night making more hats.
PETER Well of course, my dear! We bought all the workers too, didn’t we.
MARTHA Peter, you are such a goose!
MRS CRATCHIT Goose! Goodness me, the goose! Peter, run to the bakers and fetch our goose.
PETER Right-o! (He exits down left)
MRS. CRATCHIT Martha, take Tim into the wash house. And clean him up properly.
TIM Ohhh.
MARTHA Come on, Tim. You can smell the pudding steaming in the copper. (Martha caries Tim off up left.)
MRS. CRATCHIT Robert, the slide at Cornwall?
CRATCHIT I know.
MRS CRATCHIT It's too cold, and too dangerous.
CRATCHIT Christmas is only once a year. And he looked like he needed cheering up. Somehow he gets thoughtful sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant for them to remember upon Christmas Day, who it was that made lame beggars walk and blind men see. But he is growing stronger every day. I truly think he will grow up hearty and strong. (Martha carries Tim back in from up left during the following)
TINY TIM The pudding smells wonderful.
MARTHA He tried to peek
TINY TIM I did not
MARTHA Did too!
PETER (Entering from down left with the Goose.) Look everyone, our goose is cooked! (General adlibbing "Such a handsome bird." "Smells wonderful. etc.")
TINY TIM (singing) Christmas is coming the Goose is getting fat
ALL (joining in) Please put a penny in the old man’s hat.
If you haven’t got a penny a ha’penny will do
If you haven’t got a ha’penny, then God Bless You.
(During the preceding the family dances around and off up right, with Mrs. Cratchit running around adlibbing lines like “Careful, you’ll drop our dinner” etc.)
SCROOGE But that goose was so small.
PRESENT Mrs. Cratchit felt herself lucky to get it at a price she could afford. (Music. Lights crossfade to a spot on the narrator who had entered from down left during the singing.)
NARRATOR There never was such a goose. And eked out with applesauce and mashed potatoes, it was a sufficient dinner for the whole family, and the youngest Cratchits in particular were steeped in sage and onion, to the eyebrows! For once everyone had enough. Wonderful word- enough. And the pudding! Such a pudding! Bob Cratchit said that he regarded it as the greatest success achieved by Mrs. Cratchit since their marriage. Mrs. Cratchit said that now the weight was off her mind, she would confess she had had her doubts about the quantity of flour. Everybody had something to say about it, but nobody said or thought it was at all a small pudding for a large family. It would have been flat heresy to do so. Any Cratchit would have blushed to hint at such a thing. At last the dinner was all done, the cloth was cleared, the hearth swept, and the fire made up. (The Cratchits enter and sit down center in front of the fire.) The compound in the jug was tasted and considered perfect. Then all the Cratchit family drew round the hearth while the chestnuts on the fire sputtered and cracked noisily. (Lights- the narrator crosses down left.)
CRATCHIT Oh my dears- such a day. Such a day. I have everything a man could wish for, his family around him on Christmas day. Come, lets have a toast. I give you Mr. Scrooge. The founder of the feast.
MRS CRATCHIT Founder of the feast indeed. I wish I had him here. I'd give him a piece of my mind to feast on, and I hope he'd have a good appetite for it.
CRATCHIT My dear, the children. It's Christmas Day.
MRS CRATCHIT It should be Christmas Day, I'm sure, on which one drinks the health of such a stingy, hard, unfeeling man as Mr. Scrooge. You know he is, Robert. Nobody knows it better than you, poor fellow.
CRATCHIT My dear, Christmas Day.
MRS CRATCHIT I'll drink his health for your sake and the Day's. Not for His. Long Life to him. A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. He'll be very merry and very happy, I've no doubt. Mr. Scrooge.
ALL Mr. Scrooge (They drink.)
CRATCHIT And to Us. God Bless Us.
TINY TIM God Bless us- Every One. (Music. Lights change.)
NARRATOR There was nothing of high mark in this. They were not a handsome family. They were not well dressed, their shoes were far from being water-proof, their clothes were scanty. (Martha kisses her parents and exits) And Peter might have known, and very likely did, the inside of a pawnbroker's. (Peter exits.) But they were happy, grateful, pleased with one another, and contented with the time. (Mrs. Cratchit gives Bob a gentle kiss on the brow and exits, leaving Bob, and a sleeping Tiny Tim in Tableau. Lights. Slow dim to firelight on Bob and Tim's faces and a spot on Scrooge and the Spirit in the window.)
SCROOGE Tell me, Spirit, if Tiny Tim will live.
PRESENT I see a vacant seat in the poor chimney corner, and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, the child will die.
SCROOGE No. Oh, no kind Spirit, say he will be spared.
PRESENT If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, none other of my race will find him here. What then? If he be like to die, he had better do it and decrease the surplus population. Oh, Man if man you be at heart, forebear that wicked cant until you have discovered what the surplus is and where it is. Will you decide what men shall live, what men shall die? It may be, that in the sight of heaven, you are more worthless, and less fit to live, than millions like this poor man's child. (Lights crossfade to silhouette. Cratchit carries Tim out right. Scrooge and Present exit the window and enter from up right. The narrator comes onstage from his position in the aisle.)
NARRATOR By this time it was getting dark, and snowing pretty heavily. Scrooge and the Spirit went along the streets. (A lamplighter enters from right. He is cold and miserable. He lights a lamp right and Christmas Present blesses him. His mood changes and he starts singing softly as he lights the next two lamps. He then exits up left.)
SCROOGE Spirit, what reason would a poor lamplighter have… could he see you?
PRESENT No, my spirit can be found everywhere- he simply felt it. Come. (They exit up right.)
NARRATOR Much they saw, and far they went, and many homes they visited, but always with a happy end. The Spirit stood beside sick beds, and they were cheerful. On foreign lands, and they were close at home. By struggling men, and they were patient in their greater hope. By poverty, and it was rich. In almshouse, hospital, and jail, in misery's every refuge the good Spirit left a blessing. Here the flickering of the blaze showed preparations for a cozy dinner. And here again, were shadows on the window-blind of guests assembling. (Music. Lights. Fred and his guests enter laughing. Fred is holding court, but we can’t hear what is being said yet. Scrooge and Christmas Present enter. The Narrator joins the party as Topper.)
SCROOGE Why 'tis my nephew, Fred. Spirit, have we come here. (Laugh from Fred then he continues talking- still unheard by the audience.)
PRESENT If you should happen, by any unlikely chance, to know a man more blest in a laugh than your nephew, all I can say is, I should like to know him too. Introduce him to me, and I'll cultivate his acquaintance. (General Laughter from Fred’s guests.)
TOPPER I don't believe it.
FRED He did! He said that Christmas was a humbug, as I live. He believed it too!
MRS FRED More shame for him, Fred!
FRED He's a comical old fellow, that's the truth, and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offenses carry their own punishment, and I have nothing to say against him.
TOPPER I am told he's very rich.
MRS. FRED His wealth is of no use to him. He doesn't do any good with it. He doesn't even make himself comfortable. I have no patience with him.
FRED Oh, I have. I am sorry for him. I couldn't be angry with him if I tried. Who suffers by his ill whims! Himself, always. Here, he takes it into his head to dislike us, and he won't come and dine with us. And what's the consequence? Poor Topper here had to eat Uncle Scrooge's share as well as his own.
TOPPER His absence itself is a kind of gift.
FRED But Uncle Scrooge has missed something far more important than a Christmas feast.
TOPPER What could possibly be more important than that excellent dinner prepared by your wife and her lovely, lovely sister.
LAUGHING SISTER (giggles)
FRED Better than the feast? My wife herself. Uncle has lost much by not knowing her. You are so altogether… satisfactory.
MRS FRED Well I didn't marry him because he was a poet.
FRED But you are my dear, highly satisfactory to me.
TOPPER You're a lucky man, Fred. For I am one of those wretched outcasts of society… (cries of “shame” and “no” from the guests and a conspicuous laugh from one of the ladies.) Yes, my friends, for I am only a lonely bachelor… (cries of “poor chap” or “lucky man” and a laugh.) and so am reliant on others for scraps of affection and crumbs of comfort…
LAUGHING SISTER (giggles)
FRED Can nothing be done? Is there no kind woman here who might be persuaded to accept this thankless task?
LAUGHING SISTER (giggles)
FRED Well, as there are no volunteers we must cheer you up somehow.
MRS FRED Well then, enough of wicked uncles and outcasts. Let’s have a song.
FRED Capital idea. What song?
ALL (everybody takes a song and shouts out overlapping each other) “Sally in our Ally”, Old Towler” “Wassail” “Shiverand Shakery” “The Mistletoe song”.
MRS FRED The Mistletoe song. Topper, if you would start us.
LAUGHING SISTER Oh please, Mr. Topper, do sing for us.
TOPPER Well, if the ladies insist… (Musical interlude. “The Mistletoe Song”)
MRS FRED Let’s play a game.
FRED Wonderful idea! What game?
ALL (everybody takes a game and shouts out overlapping each other. Topper is very insistent that it should be Blindman’s Buff) Hunt the Ring! Consequences! How, when and where. Yes and No!
FRED Let's play Yes and No. I will think of something and you must guess what it is by asking me questions that I can answer with yes or no. (A barrage of questions from the other guests.) Wait. Let me think of something. All right, I've got it. (A barrage of questions from the other guests.) Wait, wait one at a time, Raise your hands and I'll point.
GUEST 1 Is it animal or… or… or vegetable?
FRED Yes and no.
GUEST 1 Yes and… oh! Is it an animal?
FRED Yes.
TOPPER (Shouting out. He never waits to be called on.) Is it a dog?
FRED No.
MRS FRED Oh Topper.
TOPPER Well it could have been, you know.
LAUGHING SISTER Is it a friendly animal?
FRED Well not really. No, not at all.
TOPPER Then it must be a cat!
FRED No. It is not a cat. And you must wait until you are called upon.
MRS FRED Does it live in England?
FRED Yes.
GUEST 2 Is it a savage beast?
FRED Aye, yes.
GUEST 2 Does it growl and grunt?
FRED Sometimes.
MRS FRED Fred, you must answer yes or no.
FRED That is the only answer I can give.
TOPPER Is it a wild boar?
FRED No.
TOPPER A bull?
FRED Never.
MRS FRED (overlapping) Topper!
TOPPER A bear?
FRED Sorry.
MRS FRED Topper, wait your turn!
GUEST 1 Does it live in the country or…or…or in London?
FRED Yes and no.
GUEST 1 Ohhhh! Does it live in London.
FRED Yes
GUEST 2 Is it an ass.
FRED Opinion varies, but I must say no.
SCROOGE A lion, a lion in the zoo?
LAUGHING SISTER Does it live in a zoo?
FRED No.
MRS FRED Alright, we have a savage beast that growls and grunts-sometimes- and walks freely about the streets of London.
SCROOGE The Tax Collector!
TOPPER Is it a rat!
FRED No.
TOPPER A cockroach!
FRED Hardly.
MRS FRED (overlapping) Topper!
TOPPER A Spider!
FRED No such luck.
ALL Wait your turn
SCROOGE The Tax collector. The Tax collector.
MRS FRED I know, I think I know.
FRED Well.
MRS FRED It's your Uncle Scrooge!
FRED (Laughing.) Yes. (They laugh. Scrooge is, of course, nonplussed.)
TOPPER I protest. I protest. When I asked if it was a bear you ought to have answered, yes. (They all laugh again, and this time, Scrooge sees the justice of the joke, and is able to laugh with them. Perhaps it is a sad laugh of self realization.)
FRED Uncle Scrooge has given us enough merriment tonight, We'd be ungrateful not to drink to his health. Come, everyone, please take a glass of wine.
SCROOGE No, Nephew, really. You needn't bother on my account...
FRED So. To Uncle Scrooge.
ALL Uncle Scrooge.
FRED A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year wherever you may be.
SCROOGE Thank you nephew. May you have the same.
TOPPER Now might we play blind man’s buff?
LAUGHING SISTER Oh yes.
FRED Very well, who would like to start.
TOPPER Fred! Me please! Fred!
FRED Very well, Topper- you start us. (he puts blindfold on Topper) Hide, everyone, hide. (The party guests hide backstage) Can you see anything?
TOPPER No!
FRED I don’t believe you. How many fingers am I holding up?
TOPPER Eleven!
FRED Right! Here we go. One, Two, Three (He turns Topper 3 times and exits. Topper stumbles left and the laughing sister giggles backstage. Topper/narrator lifts up the blindfold, winks at Scrooge and gives him a little bow and exits in the direction of the laughter. We hear a large laugh from the sister backstage.)
PRESENT Come.
SCROOGE Must we go? Must we spirit. He knows how to give a party, does Fred.
PRESENT My life upon this globe is very brief. It ends tonight.
SCROOGE Tonight?
PRESENT Tonight at midnight. The time is drawing near.
SCROOGE Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask, but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself. What is it?
PRESENT They are a boy, and a girl. Meager, ragged, scowling, wolfish.
SCROOGE Spirit, are they yours?
PRESENT They are Man's, and they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.
SCROOGE Have they no refuge or resource?
PRESENT Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? (Sound- Twelve Bells. Lights. Stage silhouette. Christmas Present exits. The bed is rolled out. This time a dummy, covered with a white sheet is laid on the bed and Scrooges blanket is put over top. Ghost of Christmas Future enters Left. Scrooge crosses to him. Lights.)
SCROOGE I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come? You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us, is that so Spirit? Ghost of the Future, I fear you more than any Specter I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be another man, I am prepared to bear you company, and do it with a thankful heart. Will you not speak to me? Lead on, lead on. The night is waning fast, and it is precious time to me, I know. Lead on, Spirit. (Spirit points. Sound. Lights up on bed)
MRS DILBER (entering and crossing to bed.) Come on. Hurry up.
HOUSEKEEPER When did he die?
MRS DILBER Last night. I thought he'd never die. (Pointing out candle on bedside table) Candle.
HOUSEKEEPER (Grabbing candle) You don't waste any time, do ya?
MRS DILBER No. (She is searching under the blanket for stuff) Who's the worse for the loss of a few things like these. Not a dead man, I suppose. (hands Housekeeper the blanket) Blanket.
HOUSEKEEPER What? His Blanket!
MRS DILBER Well he’s not likely to take cold without it, I dare say.
HOUSEKEEPER I hope he didn't die of anything catching?
MRS DILBER (She now sits, straddling the body with her back to the audience, searching the body for stuff) I wasn't so fond of his company that I'd loiter about him for such things, if he did. AHHHH! (handing Housekeeper gold watch) Gold watch.
HOUSEKEEPER It's likely to be a cheap funeral, for upon my life I don't know anybody to go to it.
MRS DILBER (stops working long enough to be sarcastic) Well suppose we make up a party and volunteer.
HOUSEKEEPER (doesn’t get the sarcasm) Well I don’t mind going if lunch is provided, but I must be fed if I go.
MRS DILBER Idiot. Oh now, That’s the best shirt he had, and they’ve gone and wasted it.
HOUSEKEEPER What do you call wasting it?
MRS DILBER Putting it on him to be buried in.(starts taking off the shirt)
HOUSEKEEPER You were born to make your fortune, and you'll certainly do it.
MRS DILBER Well, why not. Every person has a right to take care of themselves. He always did.
HOUSEKEEPER That's true, indeed! No man more so.
MRS DILBER I certainly shan't hold my hand, for the sake of a man such as he was, I promise you. This is the end of it, you see. He frightened everyone away from him when he was alive to profit us, now he’s dead. (They Exit singing “Adeste Fideles”)
SCROOGE Spirit, I see, I see. The case of this unhappy man might be my own. My life tends that way, now. (Spirit points to bed. Scrooge crosses.) Spirit, this is a fearful place, in leaving it I will not forget its lesson, I promise you. (Spirit points again. Scrooge Starts to lift off sheet but he can't.) I understand you, and I would do it if I could. But I have not the power, Spirit, I have not the power. Spirit, let me see some tenderness connected with a death, some depth of human character; or this dark place will be for ever present to me. (Spirit points. Music. Lights up stage right. The bed, with the dummy is rolled back into the wall. Mrs. Cratchit enters from right with black cloth and sits sewing a moment. She weeps softly. The Cratchit children enter and see her.)
MRS CRATCHIT It's the color of the cloth, it hurts my eyes. They are better now again. It makes them weak by candle-light; and I wouldn't show weak eyes to your father when he comes home, for the world. It must be near his time?
PETER Past it rather, but I think he's walked a little slower than he used to, these few last evenings, mother.
MRS CRATCHIT I have known him walk with...I have known him walk with Tiny Tim upon his shoulders, very fast indeed.
MARTHA And so have I, often.
MRS CRATCHIT But he was very light to carry, and his father loved him so, that it was no trouble - no trouble. (Cratchit enters from left.) Here's your Father.
CRATCHIT Hello my dear. Children.
MRS CRATCHIT You went today then Robert?
CRATCHIT Yes my dear, I wish you could have gone. It would have done you good to see how green a place it is. But you'll see it often. I promised him that I would walk there on a Sunday. Children, do you know who I saw today?
MARTHA Who father?
CRATCHIT Mr. Scrooge's nephew, Fred. When I saw him in the street and he saw that I looked-- a little down--he inquired what had happened to distress me- on which I told him. "I am heartily sorry for it, Mr. Cratchit," he said, "and heartily sorry for your good wife. If I can be of any service to you in any way," he said, giving me his card, "that's where I live, pray come to me." I shouldn't be at all surprised, mark what I say, if he got Peter a better situation.
MRS CRATCHIT Only hear that, Peter.
MARTHA And then, Peter will be keeping company with someone, and setting up for himself.
PETER Get along with you.
CRATCHIT It's just as likely as not, one of these days. But however and whenever we part from one another, I am sure we shall none of us forget poor Tiny Tim or this first parting that there was among us. And I know, when we recollect how patient and how mild he was; although he was a little, little child; we shall not quarrel easily among ourselves, and forget poor Tiny Tim in doing it.
PETER No, father.
MARTHA Never.
CRATCHIT I am very happy, I am very happy. (Music. Lights out stage right. The Cratchits exit. Lights up on Scrooge and the Spirit.)
SCROOGE Spirit, I had resolved to change my life. I hoped to see a different future. (Pause) Spirit let me see my future self. (Pause. Spirit does nothing.) What will happen to me in the days to come. (Spirit points. The headstone rolls out- we cannot read what it says). Tell me, are these the shadows of the things that will be, or are they shadows of things that may be, only? (Spirit makes no answer.) Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead, but if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me! (Spirit points to headstone- it lights up and says “SCROOGE”) No. I am not that man. I will not be that detested man. No Spirit! Spirit, hear me! I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope! Good Spirit, I will Honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Tell me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life! (Thunder and Lightening. Lights fade to black, music, the bed rolls out. Lights up)
SCROOGE My own room. My own bed. And the time! The time is my own- to make amends in! I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future! The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. Oh Jacob- Jacob Marley! Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised to thee for this! I say it on my knees, old Jacob; on my knees. The shadows of the things that would have been, may be dispelled. They will be. I know they will! I don't know what to do! I think. I think I am going to laugh. A Merry Christmas to everybody! And a happy New Year to all the world!
NARRATOR Really for a man who had been out of practice for so many years he had a splendid laugh, a most illustrious laugh. The father of a long line of brilliant laughs.
SCROOGE I don't know what day of the month it is! I don't know how long I've been among the Spirits. I don't know anything. I am quite a baby. Never mind. I don't care. I'd rather be a baby. (Scrooge exits around to the center window and opens it).
NARRATOR Running to the window he opened it, and put out his head.
SCROOGE Whoop! Hello!
NARRATOR No fog, no mist; clear, bright, jovial, stirring, cold; cold, piping for the blood to dance to; Golden sunlight; Heavenly sky; sweet fresh air; merry bells.
SCROOGE Oh. Glorious, glorious. (a Girl enters) Hallo! What's to-day.?
GIRL Eh?
SCROOGE What's today, my fine lass?
GIRL To-day! Why, it's Christmas Day.
SCROOGE It's Christmas Day. I haven't missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night. They can do anything they like, They're Spirits. Of course they can. Of course they can. Tell me. Do you know the Poulterer's in the next street but one, at the corner?
GIRL I should hope I did.
SCROOGE An intelligent girl! A remarkable girl! Do you know whether they've sold the prize Turkey that was hanging up there? Not the little prize turkey, the big one.
GIRL What, the one as big as me?
SCROOGE What a delightful lass. It's a pleasure to talk to her. Yes!
GIRL It's hanging there now.
SCROOGE Is it? Go and buy it.
GIRL Go on.
SCROOGE No, no, I am in earnest. Go and buy it, and tell'em to bring it here, that I may give him the directions where to take it. Come back with the man, and I'll give you a shilling. Come back with him in less than five minutes, and I'll give you half-a-crown!
TURKEY GIRL Right-o! (She is off like a rocket.)
SCROOGE I'll send it to Bob Cratchit's! He shan't know who sends it. It's twice the size of Tiny Tim. (The Turkey Girl and the Poulterer enter. He is carrying a ridiculously large turkey) Hallo! Here's the turkey. A Merry Christmas to you, sir.
POULTERER Merry Christmas to you!
SCROOGE Why, it's impossible to carry that to Camden Town, you must have a cab.
NARRATOR The chuckle with which he said this, and the chuckle with which he paid for the turkey, and the chuckle with which he paid for the cab, and the chuckle with which he recompensed the boy, (The girl and man with the turkey exit. Scrooge shuts the window and dresses backstage.) were only to be exceeded by the chuckle with which he sat down breathless in his chair again and chuckled 'till he cried. Shaving was not an easy task that morning for his hand continued to shake very much; and shaving requires attention, even when you don't dance while you are at it.
SCROOGE Ouch! (He laughs)
NARRATOR At last he dressed himself, and got out into the streets.
SCROOGE (entering- to the audience) Merry Christmas!
NARRATOR Well isn’t anyone going to say Merry Christmas back? He’s been through a lot you know. (This will usually elicit a few responses, which will lead to something like) Oh, you can do better than that. Now we are all going to say “Merry Christmas to Scrooge on the count of three. And if you don’t do this- you will all be visited by three ghosts tonight.
SCROOGE And that’s not very pleasant, I can tell you. (What happens next is an improvised section with Scrooge interacting with the audience. At last we hear the Carol girl singing and entering from down left. Scrooge screams A-Ha! And the Carol Girl hides behind an audience member.) I forgot to pay you yesterday for your lovely singing. Merry Christmas!
CAROL GIRL Merry Chrismas! (Scrooge and the girl sing a carol together.)
NARRATOR He had not gone far, when coming on towards him he beheld the kind souls, who had walked into his counting-house the day before and said, "Scrooge and Marley's I believe?" It sent a pang across his heart to think how they would look upon him when they met; but he knew what path lay straight before him and he took it.
SCROOGE Hello, how do you do? I hope you succeeded yesterday. It was very kind of you. Very kind of you. A merry Christmas to you!
FIRST LADY Mr. Marley
SECOND LADY Mr. Scrooge.
SCROOGE Yes, that is my name, and I fear it may not be pleasant to you. Allow me to ask your pardon. And will you have the goodness...(Whispers in ear.)
SECOND LADY Lord bless me! My dear Mr. Scrooge, are you serious?
SCROOGE If you please, not a farthing less. A great many back-payments are included in it, I assure you. Will you do me that favor?
FIRST LADY My dear sir, I don't know what to say to such munifi-
SCROOGE Don't say anything please, come and see me. Will you come and see me?
SECOND LADY I will! We will!
SCROOGE Thank'ee, I am much obliged to you. A Merry Christmas to you.
FIRST LADY And a Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Scrooge.
SCROOGE no, no, no Mr. Marl...Yes. Mr. Scrooge it is. Merry Christmas. (The LADYs exit)
NARRATOR Scrooge went to church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and fro and patted children on the head, and questioned beggars, and found that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed that any walk - that anything - could give him so much happiness. In the afternoon, he turned his steps towards his nephew's house. (The Fred party people enter, Scrooge exits. )
TOPPER Is it a rat!
FRED No.
TOPPER A cockroach!
FRED Hardly.
MRS FRED (overlapping) Topper!
TOPPER A Spider!
FRED No such luck.
ALL Wait your turn!
MRS FRED I know, I think I know.
FRED Well.
MRS FRED It's your Uncle Scrooge!
FRED (Laughing.) Yes. (Scrooge knocks on the door offstage.) Excuse me. (exits and we hear) Well bless me...
MRS FRED Who is it, Fred?
FRED (Entering) It is my Uncle Scrooge!
SCROOGE (Entering) I have come to dinner, Fred. Will you let me in?
FRED Let you in! It is a mercy I don't shake your arm off.
SCROOGE And this must be your charming wife. A lovely girl. A delightful girl. You should be ashamed of yourself for not introducing us sooner, Fred. (To guests) Merry Christmas. (They are flabbergasted and can say nothing.) I hope I am not interrupting anything.
TOPPER Oh no. We were just playing Yes and No.
SCROOGE Wonderful! I'm very good at games, you know. What are the clues, Fred?
FRED Well, we have a savage beast
SCROOGE Yes.
FRED That growls and grunts
MRS FRED Sometimes
FRED Sometimes- only sometimes-and walks freely about the streets of London.
SCROOGE Well it must be The Tax Collector.
FRED Yes! Yes, it is. (Laughs and relief. The party exits.)
NARRATOR Wonderful Party, Wonderful games, Wonderful Happiness. Oh, but he was early at the office next morning.
SCROOGE Yes I'm very early.
NARRATOR If he could only be there first, and catch Bob Cratchit coming late! That was the thing he had his heart set upon.
SCROOGE My heart's set on it.
NARRATOR And he did it
SCROOGE He did?
NARRATOR Yes he did!
SCROOGE Oh good!
NARRATOR Bob was late.
SCROOGE He was?
NARRATOR He is
SCROOGE Oh good.
NARRATOR The clock struck nine. No Bob.
SCROOGE No Bob!
NARRATOR A quarter past. No Bob.
SCROOGE No Bob!
NARRATOR Cratchit was a full eighteen minutes and a half, behind his time. (Cratchit enters at a dead run)
SCROOGE Cratchit! You are a full eighteen minuets and a half behind your time!
CRATCHIT I am very sorry, sir. I am behind my time.
SCROOGE Yes, I think you are.
CRATCHIT It's only once a year, sir. It shall not be repeated. I was making rather merry yesterday, sir.
SCROOGE Now, I'll tell you what my friend. I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer. And therefore, and therefore I am about to... raise your salary! A merry Christmas, Bob! A merrier Christmas Bob, my good fellow than I have given you, for many a year! I'll raise your salary, and endeavor to assist your struggling family, and we will discuss your affairs this very afternoon, over a Christmas bowl of smoking bishop, Bob! Make up the fires and buy another coal scuttle before you dot another i, Bob Cratchit!
CRATCHIT Yes Sir! (Runs off)
NARRATOR Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all and infinitely more.
TINY TIM (Entering) And to Tiny Tim who did not die, he was a second father.
CRATCHIT (Entering) He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew,
FEZZIWIG (Entering) or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world.
FRED (Entering) Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them,
LADY 2 (Entering) for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe- for good- at which some people did not have their fill of laughter.
LAUGHING SISTER (Entering) His own heart laughed and that was quite enough for him.
LADY 1 (Entering) And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.
SCROOGE May that be truly said of us, and all of us. And so, as Tiny Tim observed:
TINY TIM God bless Us, Every One!
ALL Merry Christmas.