EverAfter

EastRavenAcademy,Book1

ScarlettHaven

http://scarletthaven.wordpress.com

Allrightsreserved.

CoverbyScarlettHaven

EditedbyJanetatDragonflyEditing

Thisbookisaworkoffictionandanyresemblancetopersons,livingordead,orplaces,eventsor
localesispurelycoincidental.Thecharactersareproductionsoftheauthor’simaginationandused

fictitiously.

Thisbookisfor

AshEastall

YOUkeptme

motivated

andbelievedinmeeverystepoftheway.

THANKYOUFORTHAT!

Now,writeyourbook,because

Ibelieveinyou

Friday,August18

EastRavenAcademy

“Let’sgooveritonemoretime.”
Today,Iamgettingdroppedoffatboardingschoolbytwosecretserviceagents.Oneispretendingto

be“UncleMatty”,andtheother,Jake,whoispretendingtobemycousin.Ihavenoideaifthoseareeven
theirrealnames,butIdoubtthey’dtellmeifIasked.

Iletoutasigh.“You’remycrackdealer...”
“Beserious,”UncleMattysays,cuttingmeoff.
“I’msickofgoingoverthis.Iknowmycoverstory.It’sallI’vebeendoingthepastweek,”Isay,butI

docomply.Iknowhewon’tletthisgo.Thereisnofightinghim.“I’mPhoenixBlack.”

Jakecutsmeoff.“Underwood.”
Ah,crap.
“PhoenixUnderwood,”Icorrect.“IlivewithmyUncleMattyandoldercousin,Jake.Myrealparents

aredead,butIdon’trememberthembecausetheydiedwhenIwasababy.”

Thetruthismyparentsareverymuchalive.Infact,it’smyfather’sfaultthatI’minthissituationright

now.Well,nothisfaultcompletely.Buthewastheonewhodecidedtorunforcongress,andgotelected.
Justanotherrich,whiteguyinoffice.Apparentlythatmakespeoplenotlikehim.Andbypeople,Imean
terrorists.Onlytheydidn’tgoafterhim.Theycameafterme.Hence,thenewidentity.

Icontinuemycoverstory.“Igotkickedoutofmyoldschoolforarson...”
“Phoenix,”UncleMattyscolds.
Theyneverletmehaveanyfun.
“Fine.Iwaskickedoutforhackingtheschool’scomputers.”
Thegettingkickedoutpartisalie.Hackingtheschool’scomputersisnotalie.Atmyoldschool,I

kindofmadeitsotheentirestudentbodycouldgoonsocialmediawebsitesonschoolcomputers,
withoutbeingdetectedbytheITdepartment.Thetruthis,Inevergotcaught,andlasttimeIchecked,the
schoolstillhadn’tcaughton.

“Butlettherecordstate,arsonsoundssomuchcooler,”Isay.
“Yeah.Ifyoulikejuvie,”Jakesays.
“Juvie.Prepschool.”Itapmychin.“I’mfailingtoseethedifferencebetweenthetwo.”
Icringeaswepullupatthesecuritybooth.Thereisahugewallthatgoesaroundalltwohundred-

plusacresoftheschool,ensuringthesafetyofeachstudentwhoattends.Atleast,thatiswhatthe
pamphletsays.Tome,thiswallismorelikeaprison,keepingmeinratherthankeepingothersout.

Oh,sure.You’reallowedoffcampusonweekends,withparent’sapproval,butit’snotlikeactual

freedom.Youcan’tjustcomeandgoasyouplease.Therearerules.Curfews.BotharethingsthatI’ve
neverhadinmylife.AndIhighlydoubtUncleMattyisgoingtoletmegoanywhere,consideringthereis
agroupofterroristsafterme.

“Nameofthestudent,please,”theguardsays.
Ileanoverthecenterconsole.“PhoenixUnderwood.”
“Isthisyourdad?”theguardasks.“I’mgoingtoneedtoseeIDforeverybodyinthecar.”
UncleMattysmilesashereachesforhisID.Helikesthateverybodyhastoprovewhotheyarebefore

beingletinthegate.Ofcourse,asifthat’snotenough,UncleMattyandJakearegoingtobelivingon
campus.

Technically,nobodywillknow,exceptaselectfewofthestaff.
ButI’llknow.
“Thisisn’tmydad,”Itelltheguard.“He’smycrackdealer.”
“I’mheruncle,”hesays,tryingtoforceasmile.
“Seriously,I’venevermethimbefore.Youshouldcallthecops,”Isay.
IhearJakecrackupinthebackseat.
“I’mheruncle,”UncleMattysaysagain,handingoverallthreeofourID’s.
Theguardlookscarefully,thenhandstheplasticID’sback.
“WelcometoEastRavenAcademy,MissUnderwood.Justgostraightthroughthegates,andinabouta

quarterofamileyouwillseeasigntellingyouwhichwaytothedorms.There,youcancheckinwitha
prefect.”

“Thanks,”UncleMattytellshim.
Aprefect?
Uh...
“Thatwasnotfunny,”UncleMattysays,asweleavethesecuritygate.
“Itwashilarious,”Isay.“EvenJakelaughed.”
Iturntolookathimandseethathe’sstillsmiling.Whenheseesmelooking,heclearshisthroatand

relaxeshisfacemuscles.“Itwasverywrongofyou.”

Hisfakesternnessjustmakesmelaughharder.
Aquarterofamileuptheroad,IseeahugesignwiththeEastRavenAcademylogoonit.
EastRavenAcademy.
EST.1902.
Theschoolisold,butnice.Reallynice.Theolderbuildingsareallbrickandhavebeenkeptupover

theyears.Asmuchasthetuitionis,I’mnotsurprisedbythis.Thereareonlyfivebrickbuildings,whichI
guess,wastheoriginalschool,buttherearealotmorebuildings.Icanseeitwouldbeeasytogetloston
campus.

Thesmallroadcomestoacross,andthereisasigntellingusthatthedormsaretotheleft.Tothe

rightarejustofficefacilities,andthesignsaysthattheathleticcenter,baseball,soccer,football,field
hockey,andallothersportfieldsareahead.I’vealreadydecidedthatIwanttotryoutforsoccer.You
havetodoatleastoneextracurricularactivity,andsoccersoundedthemostfun.

Wedon’tdrivefardowntheroadbeforeIseetwodormitories,rightacrossthestreetfromeachother.

TheyremindmeofsororityandfraternityhousesI’veseenonTV,except,they’remassive.Bothbuildings
arewhite,andremindmeofanoldcolonialstylehouse.Therearebig,whitepillarsinthefront,andalot
ofwindows.Ialreadyknowtherearethreestories,fourifyouincludethebasement.Onthemainfloor
thereisastudentlounge,andallseniordormsareonthemain.Thesecondfloorisforjuniorgirls’dorms.
Thethirdflooriswhereallthefreshmanandsophomoresroom.Inthebasement,therearejustwashers
anddryers.I’veneverdonelaundryinmylife.MymaidtaughtmehowtodoitbeforeIleft,soIfeel
confident.It’sjustgoingtosuckhavingtodoit.

UncleMattypullsintotheparkinglotandparksinthefirstspothesees.IgetoutofthedarkSUV,

thankfultonotbeinthecaranymore.UncleMattyandJakebothgetout;andJakeopensthebackhatch
andstartspullingoutmyluggage.I’msuddenlythankfulthatUncleMattyandJakeareheretocarrymy
luggageforme.

“Hello,welcometoEastRavenAcademy,”aperky,malevoicesays,frombehindme.
Uh.
DidImentionthatoverlyhappypeoplegetonmynerves?

“Hi,”Isay,turningtolookattheboy.
He’sdressednice.Reallynice.He’sgotonapairofblackdresspants,awhite,longsleeved,button

upshirt,agraysweater-vest,andadarkredtie.Hehasapinonhisshirtthatsays,‘HeadPrefect.’Ilook
downandnoticehisbrightredConverseshoes.

Huh,maybehe’snotsobad.
“I’mAustinVanderbilt—juniorandheadprefect,”hesays,beamingatme.Histeetharealmost

blindlywhite.Ishouldtellhimthatit’sbadforyourteethifyoubleachthemtoomuch.

“I’mPhoenixB...Uh...Underwood.Junior.New.”
“Phoenixisacoolname,”Austintellsme.“Youmusthaverockstarparentsorsomething?Rockstars

alwaysnametheirkidscoolstuff.”

Irollmyeyes.
“Soclose.Mydadisaself-mademillionaire,”Itellhim.“Hestartedhisbusinessinhisparents’

garage.”AndnowisamemberofcongressandmymotherlivesoffherfabulouslywealthyCEOhusband,
eventhoughshehasherownmoneyfromherparents.

ButIcan’ttellhimallthat.
“You’reindorm27-A.”Heholdsupakeyforme.“Ifyougointhefrontdoor,it’stowardstheleft.”
“AmI...sharingaroomwithanybody?”Iask.
“Everybodyshares.Though,thejuniorshaveahugedormandtheirown,privatebathrooms.Really,

it’snotsobad,”hesays.“Plus,everybodygetsaprivatedormforsenioryear.”

Somethingtolookforwardtonextyear.
“Right,”Isay,frowning.“Doyouknowmyroommate?”
Helooksbackathisclipboard.“TeaganHudson.You’relucky.She’sagoodone.She’sonthesoccer

team,shewasstudentbodypresidenthersophomoreyear,andshe’spresidentofthedramaclub.She’s
superoutgoingandpopular.Everybodylovesher.”

Outgoingandpopularisnotgoodinmybook.Popularpeopledonotlikeme.Excepthere,Idon’t

havemystepbrother,Charlie,tokeepmefromgettingbullied.Thisisn’tgood.

“Thanks,”Itellhim.
“Noproblem,Phoenix,”hesays,thenlooksatUncleMattyandJake.“Doyouneedhelpwithyour

bags?”

“Naw,I’mgood.Seeyoulater.”
“Okay.Letmeknowifyouneedanything.”
Hewalksaway,andIamleftwiththetwosecretserviceagents.
HowamIgoingtosurvivehere?Thereis,literally,noprivacyexceptinthebathroom.
EastRavenAcademyisgoingtosuckworsethanIoriginallythought.
IletthetwogoonsgrabmyluggageandIheadinsidetowardsmydorm.It’sonthefirstfloor,for

whichIamgrateful.Though,IhaveafeelingthatitwassetupthiswayincaseIneedtomakeaquick
escapethroughmywindow.

Iwalkthroughasmallfoyerandsittingarea.Thereareafewgirlsthere,butitdoesn’tseemlikethe

kindofplacewherepeoplereallyhangout.Iwonderwheretheyhangoutathere.IsupposethatsinceI’m
stuckhere,Ishouldatleasttrytomakefriends.

Myroomisonthebacksideofthebuilding.Itfacesthetrees.It’snotnearlyasniceastheviewIhave

ofthebeachathome,butIsupposelookingatthetreesisbetterthanlookingattheparkinglot.

Isigh,turningawayfromthewindow.
“Don’tliketheview?”Jakeasks.
“MissingMalibu,”Isay.
Missingmylife.
Myfamily.

Mycar.
Everything.
Jakeispretendingtobemyoldercousinwhojustgraduatedfromcollege.Jakelooksabouttwenty-

two,buthe’sactuallythirty-two.Hehasawifeandafouryearoldlittlegirl.Thegirlissuperadorable
andhyper.Imether,andallshewantedtodowasplaydressup,teapartyanddollswithme.

UncleMattyisolder.Probablyaboutfortyfive,thoughIhaven’tasked.AllIknowisthathehasa

daughterwhoismyage,andasonwhoisalittleyounger.Hiswifepassedawayaboutfifteenyearsago,
andhehasstayedsinglesincethen.Hismomliveswithhimandwatcheshiskidswhilehe’sawayfor
work.

Ifeelguiltythattheyhavetogiveuptheirlivestobabysitme.It’snotfairtothem.
“Howlongdoyouthinkit’llbebeforeIcangohome?”Iask.
“Itcouldbeawhile,”UncleMattysays.“Getcomfortable.”
IhighlydoubtIwilleverbecomfortableatboardingschool,butmaybehe’sright.Idon’texactlyhave

achoice.

Thisismylifenow.
Imightaswellmakethemostofit.

2pm.

Orientation.

Howapersondecoratestheirpersonalspacesaysalotaboutthem.
Forinstance,ifsomebodylookedatmysideofthedormroom,theymightthinkI’malittlebitOCD.

Everythingisblackandwhite.Ihaveablackandwhitechevronpatternedcomforter.Ihaveawhitechair
sittingatmyblackdesk.Ihaveahuge,furry,blackrugthatcoversalotofthefloor.Myblackbookshelf
hasallmybooksarrangedinalphabeticalorder.Theclothesandshoesinmyclosetarearrangedbycolor
andstyle.

Myroommateisadifferentstory.
Hersideoftheroomisnotmessybyanystandard,thoughitisthefirstday.Ihopeshe’sclean.Buther

sideisgreenandblack,whichhappenstobetheschoolcolors.Shehasacorkboardthathasatonof
picturesonit,andatthetop,thereisahugeEastRavenAcademysticker.Idon’twanttobenosey,butI
dolookatafewofthepictures.She’sinasocceruniforminalotofpictures,andinone,sheevenhasa
greenravenpaintedonherface.Icanalreadytellthisgirlhasgotsomemajorteamspirit.

Goteam.
Butseriously,Ihaveneverbeentoasportingeventatschool.Ever.Iplayedsoccerbackhome,butit

wasateamseparatefromtheschool.Iamprettysurethatthisgirlisgoingtohateme,basedonthatfact
alone.

Whoknows...maybeIwillgotoasportsgamewhileI’mhere.Therereallyisn’tanythingelsetodo,

consideringIamstuckoncampus.

Thedooropens,startlingmeforasecond.Iglanceoverandseeagirlwithdirtyblondehairwalkin.

Herhairisallpiledontopofherheadinamessybun,andshehasapairofdesignershadespushedup.
Shesmilesbigwhensheseesme,revealingbrightwhiteteeth.

Goodtoknowdentalhygieneisimportantatthisschool.
“Hey,”shesays,walkingovertome.“I’mTeaganHudson.”
“I’mPhoenix.”Crap.What’smylastname?Ah,right.“Underwood.”
“You’resocute,”shesays,thenpauses.“Sorryifthatsoundedcreepy.I’mnotacreep,Ipromise.”

Me?
Cute?
Onwhatplanet?
“Thanks,”Isay,feelingalittleawkward.

Shesmilesbrightlyagain.
Ireallyhopeshedoesn’tsmileallthetime.
Okay,thatmakesmesoundreallycynical.ButI’mnot.Mostly.Ijustfindpeoplewhoareoverly

happyallthetimetobeannoying.Iknowfromexperiencethathappinessisanillusion.Itdoesn’texist.At
least,notforlongperiodsoftime.So,happypeoplejustseem...fake.

“Icantellwe’regoingtobegoodfriends,”Teagansays.
Ihopeso.Really,Ido.
Iforceasmile,tryingtobefriendly.SheandIareprobablygoingtobespendingalotoftimetogether

inthistinyroom,andI’drathernotspendtheentireyearwithsomebodywhocan’tstandme.

“Weshouldprobablygotoorientation,”shesays.
“Isn’torientationjustforfreshman?”Iask.
“Yeah,buttheychangeditacoupleofyearsback.Iguessthestafffeltlikeweneededremindersatthe

beginningofeachyear,”Teaganexplains.“You’llunderstandwhy,oncewegotoorientation.Not
everybodylikestofollowtheruleshere.”

“Right...”Isay,myvoicetrailingoff.
Iwonderwhathappenedtomakethemdothat.
Whatkindofprepschooldidmyparentssendmeto?
IfollowTeaganoutthedoorofourdormanddownthehall.Ican’thelpbutnoticejusthowdifferent

weare.She’sblonde.I’mbrunette.Shehasbrowneyes.Ihaveblue.She’stall,like,supermodelkindof
tall.AndI’m5’7”—average.She’swearingaflower-printedmaxidressthatfallsaroundherankles.It’s
superbrightandmakesherstandout.I’mwearingablackt-shirtdressthatgoestomyknees,andadenim
jacket.Iblendin.

“So,whereareyoufrom?”Teganasks,aswewalkoutthefront.
Thestudentcenterisreallyclose,sowejusttakeoffwalking.
“Calif...Um...”Crap.Ican’tcoverthatup.I’msupposedtobefromNewYork.“Originally,

California.MyunclemovedustoManhattanafewmonthsago.Itstilldoesn’tfeellikehome.”

“YoulooklikeaCaligirl,”shesays.“I’mgoingtosayyouwerefromLA...”
“Malibu,”Ianswer.
“Iknewit,”shesays,grinning.
“Whereareyoufrom?”
“Dallas,”sheanswers.
“YoulikegoingtoschoolontheEastCost?”Iask.
“Yeah,”sheanswers.“Iloveshopping,andNewYorkhasgoodshopping.Ispringoutofhereasoften

asIcanandshop.NewYorkCityisreallyclose.”

Idon’targue,becauseNYCdoeshavegoodshopping.Butit’snotworthactuallylivingthere.Ihate

livinginthecity.Ijustfeelso...trapped.InMalibu,weliveonthebeach.Sure,wehaveneighbors,but
thereisalotofspacebetweenusandthepeoplenextdoor.Plus,theoceanis,literally,outmybackdoor.
What’snottolove?

“ArealotofstudentsfromNewYork?”Iask.
“Isuppose,”sheanswers.“Mostly,everybodyisfromtheEastCoast,butthere’sonegirlfrom

NorthernCalifornia.LastyearwehadatransferstudentfromChina,whichwasprettyawesome.
Everybodywasbummedwhenthesemesterwasoverandhehadtogobackhome.AndDawsonRoland
isfromLondon.Hisaccentissosexy.”

Ilaugh,thinkingthatTeaganremindsmeofCharlie’sex-girlfriend.
Charliedatedthisgirlforafewmonthswhowaskindofmyfriend—well,atleastwhileshedated

him.Wewouldhangoutandgotothemall,ortothemovies,acoupleoftimesaweek,andshelovedto
talkaboutotherguys.Therewashardlyeveraguywesawthatshedidn’tcommenton—goodorbad.I
likedher,butthatkindofgotonmynerves.IwasgladwhenCharliefinallydumpedher,becauseshewas
notgoodenoughforhim,butIdidmissherfriendshipafterwards.

“Doyouhaveaboyfriendbackhome?”Teganasks,asweenterthestudentcenter.
“No,”Ianswer.
“Notevenaboyyouwereinterestedin?”
“Notreally,”Ianswer,shruggingmyshoulder.
Becausethere’snot.
Imean,therewereplentyofattractiveguys,justnoneIwouldconsiderdating.Ifindhighschoolboys

tobeabitimmature.

“Whataboutyou?”Iask.
“Noboyfriend,butIamtalkingtoafewguys.Nothingserious,”shesays.“Thereisthisoneboywho

goesherethatI’vecrushedonsincefreshmanyear,butwe’rejustfriends.”

“Itsuckstobeinthefriendzone,butonceyouguysfinallystartdating,you’llbegladforthetimeyou

spendjustgettingtoknowoneanother.”

“You’reright,”Teagansays,grinningatme.“Ilikeyouroptimism.”
Ihavetoadmit,it’sratherhardtobeoptimisticwhenyou’rewholelifehasbeentornawayfromyou.

Rightnow,Iamlivingalie,andit’shardnottobealittledepressedaboutit.

Wewalkintotheauditorium.Thereareprobablyaboutonehundredpeoplesitting,already.All

juniorsandseniors.

EastRavenAcademyisaprettysmallschoolofaboutthreehundredandfiftypeople.
AsIfollowTeaganupthebleachers,Ican’thelpbutwonderifIwillmakefriendswithanyofthese

people.Icertainlyhopeso.Idon’thavealotoffriendsbackhome.ExceptCharlie.Peopletendtonot
likeme.TheythinkI’masnob,butreally,I’mjustnotgoodattalking.I’mshy.And,okay,maybealittle
sarcastic.ButImakeagoodfriend.MaybeIwillmakeafriendhere.

Wetakeaseatbysomeboys.TheybothsmileatTeaganwhenshesitsdown,andseemgenuinely

happytoseeher.

“Hey,guys,”shesays.
Shesoundssocheerfulwhenshesaysit.
“Thisismyroommate,PhoenixUnderwood,”shetellsthem,motioningtowardsme.
ItshocksmeforasecondtohearUnderwood.I’msousedtohearingPhoenixBlack.
“Sup,”oneboysays,noddinghisheadatme.“I’mJasonThorton,buteverybodycallsmeThor.”
“Noteverybody,”Teagansays.
Jason,orThor,whateverhisnameis,ironically,hasblondhairandblueeyes.Though,helooks

nothinglikethefictionalcomicbookcharacter.He’ssuperskinnyandreallytall.Hehasalittlebitof
muscle,butI’mprettysureIcouldtakehiminafight.He’scuteinanerdykindofway.

“I’mIanStarling,”theblackhairedboynexttohimsays,extendinghishand.
Ianiscute.Hisdarkbrowneyesaresobig,andhehaslonglashes...thekindmostgirlswouldkill

for.He’sgotagreatsmileand,ofcourse,reallywhiteteeth.

Ishakehishand,thinkingitfeelsweirdtoshakethehandofsomebodymyage.
“EstaineRinaldi,”thelastboysays.
Estaine?
WhatkindofnameisEstaine?
Butthenagain,whatkindofnameisPhoenix.Richpeoplenametheirkidsweirdthings.

Estainegetsupandmovestothespotontheothersideofme.
Uh.Why?
“So,whatbringsyoutoEastRavenAcademy?”Estaineasks,ashesitsdownbesideme.
Estaineisdefinitelythemostattractiveofthethreeboys.He’sgotdarkbrownhairandgrayeyesthat

havetinyflecksofblueinthem.Hisskinistanned,andIcantellhemusthavespentalotoftimeoutdoors
thissummer.

“MyunclesentmeherebecauseIgotkickedoutofmyoldschool,”Ianswer.
Uh,Isoundlikesucharebel.MaybeIamarebel.ButIdon’tgetcaught.I’magoodrebel.AndIonly

rebelagainstrulesIthinkarestupid.

“Kickedoutforwhat?”Estaineasks,grinningatme.
He’sintriguedbyme.Whichisgood,Iguess.MaybeIwillmakefriendsafterall.
“Ihackedtheschool’scomputersystem.Imadeitsoeverybodycouldgoonsocialmediasitesfrom

theschoolcomputers—undetected,”Ianswer.“It’sfunny,becausetheschoolstillhasn’tfiguredouthow
togettheprogramoffthecomputers.Iwouldhavenevergottencaughtifpeoplehadkepttheirmouths
shut.”

IfI’mgoingtolieaboutmypast,I’mgoingtoatleastmakeitfun.
“That’sawesome,”hesays.“Youare,seriously,oneamazingchick.”
Ismileathim.
HethinksI’mamazing.
IwishIcouldthinkofsomethingcooltosayback,butI’mlame.
Teaganistalkingtotheothertwoboysandlaughingaboutsomething.IwishIcouldbecarefreelike

her.

Myphonevibrates,soIpullitout.
Ilovecellphones.Mostlybecauseofsituationslikethis.WhereI’msurroundedbypeopleIdon’t

know,andIhavenocluewhattosay.Beingsocialishard.

CHARLIE:WhatcouldIdothatwouldgetmeinenoughtroublethatmydadwouldsendmeto

schoolwithyou?

“IsCharlieyourboyfriend?”Estaineasks,lookingatmyphone.
Ilockmyscreensohecan’tseethetexts.IhavenoideawhatelseCharlieandIhavetextedtoeach

other,butjustincase,Idon’tneedhimtoseeanythingheshouldn’tsee.“Snoopmuch?”

“Justcurious.”
“Charlieismybrother.Stepbrother.Hisdadmarried...”Istopabruptly.
Crap.
I’mnotsupposedtohaveastepbrother.Justanuncleandacousin.
“It’sgoodyougetalong,”Estainesays.
Ismile,andtrynottolooklikeI’mfreakingout,butIam.I’mfreakingoutbadly.UncleMattyand

Jakearegoingtokillme.

MaybeIwon’thavetotellthem.MaybeIcanjustpretendIneverspokeawordaboutCharlie,and

thenliemywayoutofthesituation,ifIhaveto.

Yeah,thatwillwork.
Thelightsdimslightlyasamiddleagedmanstepsuptothepodium.IrecognizetheguyasDerek

Raven.Heisthedeanoftheschool,andalsooneofthefewpeopleinthisplacewhoknowsmyreal
identity.Heistheonewhoapprovedmecoming.

“WelcomebacktoEastRavenAcademy,”hesays.“Or,ifyou’renew,welcome.WehereatEast

RavenAcademytakeprideinourvaluesandtraditions.Ourschoolishometo...”

Estainedistractsmefromthespeech.“We’reallhangingoutatthedocksaftercurfewtonight.You

shouldcomeandhang.”

“Aftercurfew?”Iask.“HowdoIgetoutaftercurfew?”
“Thewindow,”heanswers.“Teagancanhelpyou.She’sbeensneakingoutfortwoyearsnow.”
“Right,”Isay.
Ipickuponthelastofwhatthedeansays.
“…firemarshal.”
Firemarshal?
Oh,mygosh.WhatkindofschoolamIgoingto?Seriously.
IlookatEstaine.“Didsomebodysetfiretotheschool?”
“Yeah,it’salongstory,”hesays.“Butbasically,whenIwasafreshman,abunchoftheseniorguys

decidedtoputafewbottlerocketsinthefireplaceintheguy’sdorm.Itwasepic.”

Well,maybemyoriginalideaofwantingtopretendtobeanarsonistisn’tasbadaswhatUncleMatty

madeitouttobe.Icouldcomeupwithastorywaymoreepicthanbottlerockets.

“Youguysarecrazy.”
“Crazybrilliant,”hesays.“Buttheycheckoutdormsmoreoften,now.Ithinkthey’reworried

somebodywillbringfireworksagain.”

“Ibet.”

4pm.

Thedetailsaren’timportant.

Afterorientation,IdecidetotextCharlieback.Wehaveacoupleofhoursuntildinner,andTeaganis

takinganap.I’mtoowiredtosleep.

ME:Prettysureyoucouldlightyourschoolonfireandyourfatherwouldfindawaytogetyouout

oftrouble.

Whatisupwithmeandfiretoday?

CHARLIE:You’reprobablyright.It’sroughbeingtheonlychild;)...really,theonlychildnowthat

you’regone.

CHARLIE:Howgoesit?

ME:I’minpurgatory,aka,prepschool.HowdoyouTHINKitgoes?

CHARLIE:

Youroptimismneverceasestoamazeme.

Funny.EarlierTeagancalledmeoptimistic.
IthinkCharliedisagrees.

ME:Excuseme,fornotbeingallsunshineandrainbows.Iwaskindofsenthereagainstmywill.

CHARLIE:

Feelsorryforme.I’mherewithoutyou.

ME:Yes.Let’sfeelsorryforyou.Youhavefreedom.Friends.AndthePacificOceanoutyourback

door.Me,whatdoIhave?Rules.Acurfew.Wallstokeepmeinside.Zerofriends.AndaFANTASTIC
viewofsometrees.Iseeyourpoint.

CHARLIE:

LOL.Cheerup,buttercup.It’llgetbetter.Ipromise.

ME:Idoubtthat,butthanks.
ME:Imissyou.

CHARLIE:Imissyou,more.

Ihighlydoubtthat.
Iputmyphonedown,notwantingtotextanymore.It’smakingmedepressed.
MyphonestartsvibratingandIlookdowntoseewhoiscalling.

EstaineRinaldi.

HowdoIevenhavehisnumber?
“Hello,”Ianswer,tryingtokeepmyvoicelowsoIdon’twakeupTeagan.
“Phoenix,hey,”Estainesays.
“Howdidyougetmynumber?Andbetteryet,howdidyourcontactinfogetintomyphone?”
“Thedetailsaren’timportant,”hesays.Icanhearhimsmilingoverthephone,andit’skindofhardto

bemadathimfortouchingmyphonewhenhesoundssohappy.“Abunchoftheguysdecidedtoplayafun
gameoftacklefootball,andIthinkyouneedtocomewatch.”

“Yeah,andwhywouldIdothat?”Iask.
MaybeI’mflirtingjustalittlebit.
JustbecauseIdon’twanttobeatEastRavendoesnotmeanthatIcan’ttrytohavefunwhileI’mhere.

MaybeIwillmakesomefriendsthroughallofthis.

“Because,maybeIwanttoimpressyouwithmymadfootballplayingskills,”hesays.
He’sflirtingback.
OMG.
He’sflirtingback!
Staycalm.
“Fine.I’llcome.Butyou’dbetterwin.”
“Absolutely,”Estainesays.“Seeyousoon.”
“Bye,”Isay,endingthecall.
“Whowasthat?”Teaganasks,scaringme.
“Sorry,”Isay.“DidIwakeyou?”
“No,”sheanswers.“IwasjusthopingIcouldgobacktosleep.Iwasn’treadytoopenmyeyes,yet.”
“Oh,well,thatwasEstaine,”Isay.“Ithinkabunchoftheguysareplayingfootball.Wanttocome

watchwithme?”

“Sure,”shesays,jumpingoutofbed.
TeaganandIstartwalkingtowardsthefootballfieldtogether.
Thecampushereishuge,butit’slaidoutwell.Mostplaceswegoaren’ttoolongofawalk,buteither

way,it’snicetogetinsomeexercise.InCalifornia,IhadtodriveifIwantedtogoanywhere.

“YouandEstainesoundedlikeyouwereflirting,”Teagansays,raisinghereyebrowssuggestively.
“Shutup,”Isay,inajokingtone.

“He’scute,”shesays.
“Heis,”Isay.
“Andhe’ssingle.”
“I’mnot...andhe’s...”Iletoutasigh.“Ijustmettheguytoday.Givemeabreak.”
Shelaughs.“Fine.I’mjustsaying;ifyoueverareinterested,he’sagoodone.”
“Hashehadalotofgirlfriends?”Iask.
“Nah,”sheanswers.“HedatedLindsayduringfreshmanyear,forafewmonths,butthat’sit.”
“WhoisLindsay?”
“Oh,shedoesn’tgohereanymore,”Teagansays.“Shegotintroubleandisnowatboardingschool

somewhereinEurope.”

“Jealous.Whycouldn’tmypare...uh...unclehavesentmetoboardingschoolinEurope,”Isay.
“Iknow,right?”shesays.“AllthoseEuropeanaccents.Seriously,allIwantinlifeisaboyfriendwho

istallerthanIam,andhasasupersexyaccent.Isthattoomuchtoaskfor?”

Ilaugh.“Howtallareyou,anyway?”
“Five-eleven,”sheanswers.“I’mfreakishlytall,Iknow.Iwastallerthanalltheguys,untilrecently.

Someofthemarecatchingup.”

“Idon’tthinkIcoulddateaguyshorterthanme,”Isay.“Imean,maybeifIreallylikedtheguy.But

it’dbesoweird.”

“Agree,”shesays.“Plus,allmybrothersare,like,six-fiveandup.Aguyshorterthantheyarewould

besuperintimidated.”

“Howmanybrothersdoyouhave?”Iask.
“Four.They’reallolder.Mymomhadmewhenshewasinherearlyforties.Shetoldmethatshehad

totryforagirlonemoretime,butIhonestlythinkmyparentsdidn’tmeantohaveme,”shesays,laughing.
“Whataboutyou?Anysiblings?”

Iwanttotellheraboutmystepbrother,Charlie.AndIwanttotellherhowexcitedIamthatmydad

andstepmomarehavingababysoon.ButIcan’t.

“No.MyparentsdiedwhenIwasyoung,”Itellher.“Iwasraisedbymyuncle.Ihavemycousin,

Jake.He’ssixyearsolderthanIam,though.Hejustgraduatedfromcollege.”

“Sorryaboutyourparents.”
“Ididn’tknowthem,”Isay.“TheydiedwhenIwasababy.”
“Still,it’sgottobehardnotknowingthem.Imean,sureyouhavestoriesfromyouruncle,or

whatever,butit’snotthesame,”shesays.“Ican’timagine.”

Ican’timagine,either.Ilovemyparents,andhatehavingtolietoheraboutthis.
Wegetdowntothefootballfield,whichisfullofguys.
Alltheguysatthisschoolareridiculouslyattractive.
Hello,boardingschool.
Maybeitwon’tbesobadhere.
WhenEstainespotsuswalkingontothefield,herunsovertous.
“Hey,”hesays.“We’rejustabouttogetstarted.”
“Awesome,”Isay,becauseIdon’tknowwhatelsetosay.
“Ineedsomemotivationtowin,”Estainesays.“Howabout,ifIwin,youhangoutwithmetonight.At

thedocks.”

“Okay.Sure.”
Hegrins,andthenrunsbacktowardshisteammates.
IturntowalktowardsthestandsandseeTeagansmilingatme.
“What?”Iask.
“Youtotallyhaveacrushonhim,”shesays.

“Idonot,”Isay,butI’mprettysuremyfaceisred.“Honestly,he’skindofcute.”
EstainelookslikehesteppedoutofanAbercrombiead.Evennow,whenhe’salittlesweatyfrom

playingfootballandhishairisslightlymessedup,he’sadorable.Or,maybeit’shissoftgreyeyesthatI
like.Thereisnodenyingthattheboyisgorgeous.

“Heiscute,”Teagansays.“Like,thesecondcutestboyintheschool.”
“Andwhoisthefirstcutest?”Iask.
Shegrins.“You’llhavetofigureitoutonyourown.”
“Right,”Isay.“Sowhoisthecutestgirl?”
“Me,ofcourse,”shesays,completelyinajokingtone.
Butshe’sprobablyright.
Teaganisbeautiful.Charliewouldloveher.
IopenmymouthtotellherIwanthertomeetmystepbrother,thenIcloseitagain.Phoenix

Underwooddoesn’thaveanysiblings.PhoenixBlackdoes.ButPhoenixBlackdoesn’texistanymore.

7pm.

Startover.

Thedininghallisnice,asisthefood,surprisingly.EvenatmyoldprivateschoolinMalibu,thefood

wasjust...meh.Buthere,thereareatonoffoodoptionstochoosefrom;butassoonasIseethesushibar,
mymindismadeuponwhatIwant.

“Thisschoolisawesome,”ItellTeagan,aswewalktoatable.
I’msogladsheislettingmesitwithher.Ican’timaginetryingtofindaplacetositifIwasalone.
“It’sdefinitelygotitsperks,”shesays.“Butwedon’tgetsushieveryday.JusteveryFriday.”
Still,it’sawesome.
Teagangotpizza.Thepizzalooksgood,butCharlieandIhadpizzaallthetimeathome.Itwasour

Fridaynighttradition.Orderapizzaandhangout.We’deitherwatchamovie,orplaysomepool.Inthe
summer,we’dswiminthepool.Imissthosetimeswithmybrother,andwonderwhathe’sgoingtobe
doingtonight,nowthatI’mhere.

TeagansitsdownatatablewithEstaineandtheothertwoboysImetatorientation.JasonandIan,I

think.

“Hotnewgirl,”Jason,orThor,saystomeaswesitdown.“Hi.”
Iignorehim.
“Hey,Phoenix,”Estainesays.
“Hi,”Isaytohim.
“Youtalktohimbutignoreme?”Jasonsays,puttingahandoverhisheart.“Thathurts.AndhereI

thoughtyouweregoingtobemybae.”

Ihatethewordbae.It’ssupposedtobeatermofendearment,butit’ssooverused.
“I’drathernotbeanybody’sbae,”Isay.
Jasongrins.“Toobad.Ialreadydecidedthatyou’remybae.YouandIaregonnabetight.”
Igroan.
Uh.
Why?
“Don’tworry.You’llgrowtotoleratehim,liketherestofus,”Iansays.
Somehow,Idoubtthat.
“WhereareEmmaandBryce?”EstaineasksTeagan.

“They’recomingtoschooltomorrowmorning,”sheanswers.“Brycehassomekindoffamilything

goingon,andEmmaisgoingwithhim.”

“Man,Iwashopingtheydecidedtostaybrokenup,”Jasonsays.
“Whywouldyouwantthat?”Iask.“That’smean.”
“Thetwoofthemconstantlyfight,”Teagansays.“BrycetreatsEmmalikecrap,andshejustputsup

withit.Idon’tunderstandit,butshesayssheloveshim.They’vebeendatingsincefreshmanyear.”

“Theytaketheirfightingtoawholenewlevel,”Iansays.
“Whywouldtheywanttobetogether,then?”Iask.
Nobodyhasananswer.
Ican’timaginedatingsomebodyIalwaysfightwith.I’veneverhadaboyfriend,butifIdid,andwe

couldn’tgetalong,Idefinitelywouldn’tstaywiththeguy.That’sjustmiserable.I’dratherbesingle.

Plus,I’mhappybeingsingle.IfIhadaboyfriendnow,I’dhavetoconstantlylietohimaboutwhoI

am,andthatisnotagoodwaytostartarelationship.IthinkI’dliketobejustfriendswithaguybeforeI
datedhim,anyway.

“IwishmyschoolinMalibuhadsushionFridays,”Isay,takingabiteofmytunasalmon.It’sgood

sushi.

“It’scoolyoulivedinMalibu,”Jasonsays.“Didyougotoschoolwithanycelebrities?”
“Afew,”Ianswer.“Alotofthemarestuckupthough,andgenerallydon’tshowupatschoolhalfthe

time.Buttheworstwerechildrenorsiblingsofcelebrities.Everybodywasbigonname-droppingthere.”

“They’rebadaboutthathere,too,”Estainesays.
“HecansaythatbecausehisdadisthegovernorofMassachusetts,”Teagansays.
AndthisisthepartoftheconversationwhenIwouldtellthemthatmydadisamemberofcongress.

Nottobrag,butbecauseIamproudofhisaccomplishment.ButIcan’tdothat.

“Whatdoyourparentsdo?”Jasonasksme.
“TheydiedwhenIwasababy,”Ianswer,sowishingIcouldtellthemthetruth.
“Sorry,”hesays.
I’mnotagoodactress.IfIwas,maybeIwouldmakeupasobstoryabouthowIwillnevertrulyknow

whereIcamefrombecausethey’regone.Butmyparentsarealiveandit’shardformetoactsad.The
onlythingI’msadoveristhefactthatI’msofarawayfrommyfamilyrightnow,andthefactthatI
probablywon’tgettospendThanksgivingorChristmaswiththem.

“Youlooksosad,”Teagansays,frowning.
Huh.
“Idon’trememberthem,”Isay,shruggingmyshoulders.“Plus,myuncleisprettycool.”
UncleMattydoesseemnice.HeandJakearegoingtobegivingmesomeself-defensetraining.I’m

kindofexcitedtolearnhowtofightanddefendmyself.Itseemslikesomethingeverygirlshouldknow.

Everybodystartstalkingabouttheirparents,andIlearnthatTeagan’sdaddoessomethingintheoil

business,andhe’smadeafortunefromit.Shesaidhermomisaprofessionalshopper,whichisexactly
whatmymomis.Estaine’sdadisthegovernor,buthismomisasurgeon,whichisprettymuchthecoolest
thing,ever.Butseriously,talkaboutpressure.Howdoyouliveuptothatkindoflegacy?WhenIthink
aboutmydadandhowproudIamofhim,Iwonderifsomedaymykidswillbeproudofme.Ihopeso.

EastRavenAcademyisn’tsuchabadschool.IjustwishIwerehereunderbettercircumstances.
CircumstancesinwhichIdidn’thavetolie.
Myphonevibratesinmypocket,soIpullitout.

UNCLEMATTY:Youdoingokay?Youhaven’tgottenkickedoutyet,right?

ME:Despitewhatyouthink,I’mactuallyaprettygoodstudent.

UNCLEMATTY:Mmhmm...justdon’thacktheschool’scomputersystems.

IhearJasonlaugh,andIlookovertoseehimreadingmytextovermyshoulder.Ilookatthetexts

againtomakesurenothingwassaidthatcouldgiveawaymyidentity.I’mgladthattherewasn’t.

“Yourunclethinksyou’regoingtogetkickedout?”Jasonasks.
Ishrugmyshoulders.“Happenedatmyoldschool.It’swhyI’mhere.”
“Andyougotkickedoutforhackingtheschool’scomputers?”heasks.
“Yeah.Imadeitsoallthestudentscouldgoonsocialmediawebsitesfromschoolcomputersand

tablets—undetected,”Itellhim.“Thesystemisactuallystillon,there.Iguesstheycan’tfigureouthowto
getitoff.”Ortheyjusthaven’tfoundout,yet.“Ionlygotcaughtbecausesomepeoplehaveabigmouth.”

“Dude,you’reawesome,”Iansays.“Whatcanyouhack?”
“Alotofthings,”Ianswer.“OnetimeIhackedintomystepda...uh...uncle’sbankaccounttoseehow

muchmoneyhehad,justbecauseIwascurious.Mostsystemsareeasytohack.I’venevertriedtohack
intoanygovernmentservers,butI’msureIcould.Ijustdon’twanttogotojail.Itrytokeepmyillegal
activitiestoaminimum.”

“Andthat’swhyyou’remybae,”Jasonsays.
Irollmyeyes,butdon’tfightit.Idoubtitwoulddoanygoodanyway.Jasonseemslikethekindof

guywholikestodothingstopurposelyannoypeople.

“How’sthesoccerteamlookingthisyear?”IanasksTeagan.
“Goodsofar,Iguess.We’regoingtohavetryoutsonTuesday.Maybewewillgetsomegood

freshman,”shesays.

“I’mtryingout,”Itellher.
“Cool,”shesays,nowlookingexcited.“I’monthesoccerteam.IthinkmymomisdisappointedthatI

playsoccerinsteadofbeingacheerleaderoradancer.HerdreamisformetobeaDallasCowboy
cheerleader.”

“Whywouldshewantthat?”Iask.
Mymomhasnever,everpressuredmetodoanythingIdidn’twanttodo.Theonlythingis,ifIsigned

upforsomething,I’dhavetostickwithittheentireseason.Atfirst,whenIsignedupforsoccer,Ihated
it.Butshemademestayontheteam.Iendeduplovingit,andhaveplayedsoccereversince.I’mnot,
like,agreatsoccerplayeroranything,butIreallydoenjoyit.

“Ithinkitwasmoremymom’sdream.Shedoesn’treallycare,”Teagansays.“Ithinkshe’sjust

disappointed.Shehadfourboysandthenme,andI’mnotsupergirly.”

“Ithinkyou’regirly,”Isay.“Imean,youdressreallycute.Like,Ikindofwanttogoshoppingwith

you.”

Shelaughs.“Ithinkmymomdoesn’trealizethatyoucanbegirlyandathletic,itdoesn’thavetobe

oneortheother.”

“So,doallyourbrothersplaysoccer?”Iask.
“No.Football.We’refromTexas,”shesays.“Footballisawayoflifethere.Irememberwe’dbe

goingtomybrothers’gameseveryFridaynightatthehighschool,andthestandswouldbefull.”

“Yourbrothersdidn’tcomehere?”
“Nah.”
“Whydidyoucomehere,then?”Ianasks.
“Igotinthewrongcrowd,”Teagananswers.“Myparentssentmeheretogetmeawayfrommy

friends,andI’mgladtheydid.Iloveithere.Iseenowthatmyfriendsweretoxic.Oneofmyoldfriends
isateenagemom,andoneisinjailfordrugs.IguessIjustneededtostartover.Ididitright,thistime
around.”

“That’sawesome,”Estainesays.“Ineverknewthat.”
“It’snotsomethingI’mproudof,”shesays.
“Youshouldbeproud,”Isay.“Itshowshowmuchyou’vegrown.”
“You’reright,”Teagansays,nowsmiling.
Maybestartingoverwon’tbesobad.
Still,I’llbegladwhenIhavemylifeback.

Saturday,August19

Painfultowatch.

Lastnight,TeaganandIbothendedupfallingasleepbeforecurfew,andIwokeuptoabunchoftexts

fromEstaine,Jason,andIanaskingwherewewere.Itextedthembacktoletthemknow.Ifeelbad,butI
wasexhausted.Yesterdaywasastressfulday.

Wemeettheguysforbreakfastandtheycatchusuponallthe“dockgossip,”atleastthatiswhat

Teagancalledit.Abouthalfwaythroughbreakfast,aguyandagirlIhadn’tmetsitdownatourtable.

“Hey,guys,”Teagansaystothegirl.Inoticesheignorestheguy.
“Hey,”thegirlsays,thenlooksatme.
“Oh,thisisPhoenixUnderwood,”Teagansays,introducingmetothegirl.“Phoenix,thisisEmma

Voss.”

“Hey,”Isay.
“I’mBryceArmstrong,”theguysays,onlysoundingslightlyoffendedthatTeagandidn’tintroduce

him.

Teaganseemslikethekindofgirlwholikeseverybody,soitsurprisesmethatshedoesn’tlikehim.

Hemustnotbeverylikable.

“Nicetomeetyou,”Itellhim,justbecauseIwanttoformmyownopinionabouttheguy.
“Didyouguyshaveagoodsummer?”Estaineasksthem.
“Itwasamazing,”Brycesays.“IspentthesummerinEuropewithmybrother.”
Emmapoutsalittle.“Mysummerwasn’tquiteasexcitingashis.ButIdidspendmostofmysummer

inTheHamptons.”

“Youtwowereapartallsummer?”Ianasks,soundingalittleshocked.
“Wetookalittlebreak,”Brycesays.
“Butwe’rebacktogethernow,”Emmasaysinatonethatmakesmethinkthatshedidn’tmuchlikethe

break.Itwasprobablyhisidea.Heprobablywantedtobefreetomeetgirlswhilehewasaway.

Honestly,Ican’tblamehimforwantingtobesingle.He’sprobablysixteenorseventeen.It’stoo

youngtobetieddown.Butheshouldn’tgobacktodatingherjustbecauseit’sconvenientnow.

IfTeaganandEmmaaregoodfriends,Iseewhyshedoesn’tlikeBryce.
“Whyaren’tyoutworoomingtogether?”IaskTeagan.
Emmacastshergazedown.
“It’salongstory.I’lltellyouaboutitlater,”Teagansays.
Well,thatdoesn’tsoundgood.
“Emma,areyouonthesoccerteam?”Iaskher,tryingtobefriendly.IfthisgirlisTeagan’sbest

friend,Ishouldprobablytrytobefriendswithher,too.

“Um,no,”sheanswers.“Soccertookuptoomuchtime.”
Toomuchtime?We’reinboardingschool.Whatelseistheretodo?It’snotlikeweeverleave

campustodoanythingelse.

Unlesssheisinanotherclub.
“Oh,whatdoyoudothen?”Iask.
“Oh,umm...justmyregularclasses,”Emmasays.
IlookupatTeagan,wholooksthoroughlyannoyed.
“Ididplaysoccer,”Emmasays.“WhenIwasafreshman.”
“Shewasawesome,too,”Teagansays.“That’swhenwebecamefriends.”

“Whendidyouquit?”Iask.
“Lastyear,”Emmaanswers.Shelooksalittlesadasshesaysit.
“Itworksoutbetterthisway,”Brycesays,puttinghisarmaroundEmma.“Nowshecancometoall

myfootballpracticesandgames.Sheloveswatchingmeandcheeringmeon.Don’tya,babe?”

Shebeamsathim.“Absolutely.”
Wow.
Thisisactuallypainfultowatch.
Bryceisplayingher,andmanipulatingher,andsheisjustlettinghim.It’ssick.Someday,afterhe

dumpsherforgood,sheisgoingtolookbackonherhighschoolexperienceandrealizejusthowmuch
shemissedouton.

“Ididn’trealizethesoccergamesandfootballgamesinterferedwitheachother,”Isay.“Isn’tfootball

onFridaysandsocceron,like,Wednesdaynight?”

“OccasionallythereisaSaturdaysoccergame,”Emmasays.“ButSaturdaynightisdatenight.”
Irollmyeyes.
“Well,itwassonicetomeetyou,EmmaandBryce,butI’dprettymuchratherbeanywherebuthere

rightnow,”Isay,thengetupfromthetable.IhearIanandJasonlaughingasIwalkaway.

“Waitup,”IhearEstaineyell.
HecomesupbehindmeasIdumpmytrayfrombreakfast.Wewalkoutofthedininghalltogether.
“Thatwaspainfultowatch,”Itellhim,inregardstoEmmaandBryce.
“Trywatchingthathappenforthepasttwoyears,”Estainesays.“Thosetwoaretoxictogether.”
“SoundslikeBryceismoretoxicthanEmma,”Isay.
“Shecanbebadtoo,trustme,”hesays.“They’rebothobsessedinabadway.Ithoughtthebreakthis

summerwoulddothemgood.Ihateknowingtheygotbacktogetherbeforeschoolevenstarted.”

“It’slikeI’mlivinginabadrealityshow,”Isay.
“Exactly,”hesays.“Sinceyouditchedmelastnight,arewegoingtohangoutatthemixertonight?”
“Sure,”Isay.“Andsorry,butIfellasleep.IguessIwasexhausted.Iwasexcitedtohangout.”
“It'sokay.We'vegotallschoolyeartogotothedocks,”Eatainesays.“We'reprobablygoingagain

tomorrownight.”

“I'llbetheretomorrownight,”Ipromisehim.

7pm.

Epiclovestory.

Whenwegettothemixer,Teaganspendsanhourintroducingmetopeopleattheschool.It’sthenI

realizejusthowmuchIdon’tfitinhere.

Istepoutsidetogetsomeair.
Meetingallthesepeople,peoplewhohaveknowneachotherforyears,it’shard.I’mtheoneperson

whodoesn’tfitinhere,butIwantto.

Thethoughtsurprisesme.Ididn’tthinkIwouldwanttofitin,whenIcamehere,butIdo.Icould

easilyseemyselfbeingfriendswithallofthesepeople.AndIdon’tmeanjustfriendsatschool.Imean
friendsforlife.

“Youokay?”
IturnaroundtoseeEstainewalkup.Hesitsbesidemeonthebench.
“I’mfine,”Ianswer.“Justalittle…”
“Overwhelmed?”hefinishesforme.

Inod.
“Igetit.It’shardtogotoanewschool,”hesays.“MydadsentmetoaboardingschoolinEuropefor

mysixth,seventh,andeighthgradeyears.Mostboardingschoolsdon’thaveclassesforanybodybutninth
gradeandup.Butmydadcouldn’twaitthatlongtogetridofme.”

“I’msorry,”Isay.
Myparentswould’veneversentmetoboardingschool,undernormalcircumstances.Bothparents

loveme,andbeingawayfromthemnowishard.IjustwanttogetonaplaneandgohomesoIcanhug
them.

Well,firstI’dhavetoflytoD.C.tohugmydad,thenCaliforniaformymom.ButI’dspendalldayon

anairplaneforonehug.

“Don’tbe.Itwasfun.Imadeatonoffriends,”hesays.“Iwentandhungoutwithsomeofthemthis

summer.Itwasagreatexperience.ButIamgladtobeatEastRavenAcademynow.Mymomanddad
wenthere.It’swheretheymet.”

“That’ssoromantic,”Isay.
“MymomusedtotellmethestorywhenIwaslittle.Shesaiditwasloveatfirstsight.Butshewasa

freshmanandhewasajunior,”Estainetellsme.“Shesaysittookhimawholeyeartofinallygetover
theiragedifferencesandaskherout.Andthenhewaitedforheratcollege.”

“Aw,”Isay.
Iwanttotellhimhowmyparentsmet.
TheywerebothgoingtoBerkeley.Mydadwaslivingathomewithhisparentsatthetimeandstarting

acompanythatheranfromthegarageathisparent’shouse.Iwanttotellhimhowtheymetinastudy
groupandhowmymomhatedmydadforthefirstthreemonths,because,shesaid,hewasarrogant.Then,
slowly,shestartedfallinginlovewithhim.IwanttotellEstainethatmymom’sparentsdidnotapprove
—notuntilmydadsoldhiscompanyforfivemilliondollarsattheageofnineteen—andaboutallthe
strugglestheywentthroughtobetogether.

ButIcan’t.
Ofcourse,ifIdidtellhimallthat,I’dalsohavetotellhimabouthowmyparentsgotdivorcedwhenI

wasfour.

Ihadanoldersister.ShediedwhenIwassixmonthsold.Shegothitbyacar.I’msadthatIdon’t

rememberher.Butherdeathputastrainonmyparents’marriage.That’sultimatelywhytheysplitup.I
cantelltheystillcareabouteachother,butthey’rebothhappynow,intheircurrentmarriages.

“Ican’twaittohavemyownlovestory,”Itellhim.“Iwantsomethingepictotellmykids,someday.”
“Me,too,”hesays.
Iwonderwhatmylovestorywillbe.MaybeI’llmeettheloveofmylifeinhighschool.Ormaybe

it’llbecollege,ormaybeIwon’tmeettheguyI’mmeanttobewithuntilI’mthirty,whoknows.AllI
knowisthatnomatterhowlongIhavetowait,it’llbetotallyworthit.AndIknowthat,becauseI’mnot
settlingforaloser.

Thedooropensandthreegirlswalkout.IrecognizethemfromTeaganintroducingus.Ibelievetheir

namesareSamantha,PenelopeandZoey.They’reonthedanceteam.Isawthemdancinginside,tosome
annoyingpopsong,andtheyareprettygood.AllthreegirlssmilewhentheyseeEstaine,andsayhito
him,buttheyarepolitetome,aswell.

Estaineheadsbackinside,butIstayoutside.
“How’reyoulikingEastRaven?”oneofthegirlsasksme,butIcan’trememberwhichonesheis.
“It’snice.I’mjustoverwhelmed.I’vemetalotofpeopletonight,”Isay.“AndI’mreallybadwith

names.”

“I’mPenelope,”sheremindsme.“ButyoucancallmePenny.”
Penelopeisreallypretty.She’sgotsuperlight-blondehair.It’ssolightthatitalmostlookswhite.And

she’sgotbigblueeyes.ShekindofremindsmeofaBarbie,minusthemakeup.She’salsoshortandvery
athletic.HerarmsaretonedandI’mguessingit’spartlybecauseofthedanceteam.

“I’mSamantha.Sam,”anothergirlsays.
Samantha’shaircolorisamixofred,blondeandlightbrown.Therearevariousshadesallthroughout

herhair,butitdoesn’tlooklikeshedyesit.Itlooksnatural.She’sgotbrightgreeneyesandshe’sthe
tallestofherfriends.She’sjustalittletallerthanIam.

“AndI’mZoey,”thelastgirlsays.
Zoeyhasawesomehair.It’sdarkbrown,butit’sperfectlystraightandthick.Iknowit’snaturally

straightbecauseIsawherwithwethairinthedorm,earlier.She’soneoftheluckyfewwhohasawesome
hairrightfromtheshower.She’sgotdarkbrowneyesandshewearsdark-framedglasses.

Iwonderifallthegirlsonthedanceteamareascuteasthethreeofthem.
“Areyougoingtotryoutforthedanceteam?”Pennyasksme.
Ishakemyhead.“Idon’tliketobeinthespotlightsomuch.Iamtryingoutforthesoccerteam.”
“What’sthedifferenceinpeoplewatchingyoudanceorpeoplewatchingyouplaysoccer?”Zoey

asks.

“Um,well...whenIplaysoccer,I’mfocusedonthegame.IfIdanced,IfeellikeI’dbetryingtoo

hard,andwouldlosefocus.Plus,tobehonest,Iamnotagooddancer.I’mreallydoingyouguysafavor
bynottryingout,”Isay.

Theylaugh.
“Noneofuswerethatgoodwhenwestarted,”Pennysays.
“Pennywas,”Zoeysays.“Therestofusweren’t.”
“Whatever,”Pennysays,thenlooksatme.“Ididballetgrowingup,butit’salotdifferentthanwhat

wedohere.”

“She'sthebestdancerontheteam,byfar.Shewasourfirst-eversophomorecaptain,”Samsays,

obviouslyproudforherfriend.Atmyoldschool,peoplewouldstabtheirfriendsinthebackforthatkind
oftitle.It'snicetoseethattheyencourageeachotherhere.Or,atleastthesethreegirlsdo.

“Thanks,”Pennysays,hercheeksturningred.Shelooksatme.“So,everyyear,wegirlsgettogether

withafewfriendsandhavegirls’nightinthedorms.Anightwherenoguysareallowedtohangout.It's
finetojusthaveadrama-free,funnightwherewedon'thavetoworryaboutdressingcuteorfixingour
hair.Wewillprobablyhaveonesoon.Doyouwanttocomeandhangoutwithus?”

“Yeah,definitely,”Isay,feelingshockedthatthey'reinvitingme.
“Awesome.Textmeyournumber,”shesays,pullingoutherphone.
ShegivesmehernumberandIaddhercontactin,followedbyZoeyandSamtoo.Theyallpromiseto

textwhenthegirls’nightwillbe,andtobehonest,I'mlookingforwardtoit.

8pm.

Whenismylifeeverfair?

AsI’mheadedbackinside,Ienduprunningsmackintosomebodyelse.
“I’msosorry,”Isay,asIbackup.
“Watchwhereyou’regoing,”agirlsnarlsatme.
“Itwasanaccident.I’mtrulysorry,”Isay,asIlookatthegirl.
She’stall,afewinchestallerthanIam,andthin.Shelookslikeshecameoffthecoverofamagazine.

Likethekindofgirlwhoissobeautifulthatphotographerstrytorecruitheroffthestreettobeamodel.

Thegirlhasdirtyblondehairwithstreaksoflighterblondethroughout.Herwaveshangjustbelow

hershoulders.Herfaceis...well,perfect.Hernoseissmall,andherlipsarebig.

Butsheisfrowningatme.
“Whoareyou?”sheasks.
“PhoenixUnderwood,”Ianswer.“Ijusttransferredhere.”
“WhatkindofnameisPhoenix?”sheasks,laughing.“Igetthatyou’renewhere,butyou’dbetterstay

outofmyway.”

Wow.
Sheissuddenlylesspretty.
“LikeIsaid,itwasanaccident,”Isay,thensteparoundher.
That’sgreat.
MyseconddayhereandI’vealreadymadeanenemy.
Ofcourse,IhaveafeelingsheandIwouldn’thavegottenalongnomatterwhatthesituationwhenwe

met.

“Don’tmindPaige.She’salwayslikethat.It’snotpersonal,”aguysays,ashestepsinfrontofme.

“I’mLandonPrescott.”

“Hey,I’mPhoenixUnderwood,”Isay,gladtoknowthatI’mnottheonlypersonthatmeangirl,Paige,

talkstolikethat.Backhome,IwouldhaveCharlietoprotectme.Butnothere.I’monmyown.

“Iknow.I’veseenyouaround,”Landonsays.
IlookatLandon,tryingtoseeifIrecognizehim,butIdon’t.
“Youcameandwatchedalltheguysplayfootball,”hesays.“Iwasplayingandnoticedyousittingby

Teagan.Iwasgoingtointroducemyself,butyouleftbeforeIcould.”

“Sorry,”Isay,pushingastrandofhairbehindmyear.Ilookdownatmyfeettoavoidlookingat

Landon.Idon’tunderstandwhy.Sometimes,Iamcompletelyfinetalkingwithsomebody,andothertimes,
Igetbadsocialanxiety.Ican’texplainit,butIwishIwasn’tlikethat.

“Iheardfromsomebodythatyou’refromCalifornia,”hesays.
Ilookupathim.“Yeah,um,I’mfromMalibu.IrecentlymovedtoNewYorkCitywithmyuncle,

though.”

“I’mfromthecity,too,”Landonsays.“UpperEastSide.Tobehonest,EastRavenisanicechange

fromthecity.Ilovecomingouthere.”

“Icanimagine,”Isay.“Isometimesfeelclaustrophobicinthecity.”
Because,thankGod,Idon’tliveinNewYorkCity.Notthatitisn’tagreatcity.Itis.Iloveit.Ijust

loveitforafewdaysatatime,andthenIlovegettingonaplaneandgoingbackhome.Icanjustbreathe
easierinMalibu.

“Exactly,”Landonsays.
Fromthecornerofmyeye,IseeJasonwalkovertousandslinghisarmaroundme.
“Hey,Bae,”Jasonsays.“What’sup?”
“Whydoyouinsistoncallingmebythatstupidtermofendearment?”Iask,removinghisarmfrom

aroundmyshoulders,andscootingatleastafootawayfromhim.

“BecauseIknowitannoysyou.Duh,”heanswers.“Sup,Landon?”
“Hey,Thor,”Landonsays.“Howwasyoursummer?”
“Youknowmydad...Ispentthesummerinterningathiscompany,”Jasonsays.“Itsucked,butatleast

hiscompanyisbasedoutofManhattan.IgottogotoTheHamptonseveryweekend.Itwassweet.What
aboutyou?”

“SpentafewweeksinBoraBora,amonthinJapan,afewweeksinFrance,andthelastofmy

summerwasspentinthecity,”Landontellshim.“Itwasawesome.”

Thatdoessoundawesome.
Myfamilytravelsalotinthesummerwhenwecan,butmydadhasbeensobusyinD.C.andmy

stepdadjusttookoveranothercompany,soCharlieandIspentthemajorityofthesummeronthebeach.
NotthatspendingthesummerinMalibuisahardshiporanything,Ithoroughlyenjoyedit.

Charlieandhisfriendsliketosurf.Ido,too,butI’mnotthatgoodatit.Charliegavemesome

pointers,andItriedtogooutwithhimeverymorninganddoit.MymomalwaystellsmethatI’mtoo
pale,becauseIspendalotoftimeonmycomputer.It’snotthatIwanttobeonmycomputerallthetime,
it’sjustI’mnotsogoodatmakingmyselfgoout.

Boardingschoolwilldefinitelybegoodforme.It’llforcemeoutofmyanti-socialbubble.Italready

has,some.

JasonandLandonarebothlookingatme,andIrealizenowthattheyaskedmeaquestion,butIhave

noideawhat,becauseIwasnotpayingattention.

“I’msorry,what?”Iask.
Thankfully,Estainewalksupduringtheverypainfulandawkwardconversationandrescuesme.
ThethreeofthemstarttalkingandIpulloutmyphone,soatleastIhaveanexcusetozoneout.Ihave

acoupleoftexts.

MOM:Callmewhenyougetachance.Iwanttohearaboutboardingschool!

Imakeamentalnotetocallheranddadinthemorning.

UNCLEMATTY:Trainingstartsinthemorningat05:00.Don’tbelate.

Igroan.
Seriously?
Fiveinthemorning.
DoeshenotrealizethatIamateenager,andteenagersneedsleep.Especiallyontheweekends.
So.
Not.
Fair.
But,thenagain,it’salsonotfairthatmylifewasturnedupsidedownbyagroupofpsychoseither.

Whenismylifeeverfair?

11pm.

Definitelyworse.

Afterthemixer,TeaganandIgobacktoourdormroomandjusthangout.Afewpeoplesaid

somethingaboutgoingtohangoutatthedocks,whereIstillhaven’tbeen,butEstainesaidhewasn’t
goinguntiltomorrownight,soI’llwaituntilthen,too.

“So,what’sthedealwiththedocks?”IaskTeagan,asIputmyhairintoabunontopofmyhead.It

feelsgoodtoputmyhairup,afterhavingitdownallday.

“It’sjustwherewehangout.I’mnotsurewhostartedit,butI’vehungouttheresinceIwasa

freshman.It’shiddenawayfromtheschool,andwe’venevergottencaughtoutthere,”shesays.“The
curfewatthisschooliskindofridiculous.Imean,elevenontheweekendandtenthroughtheweek?I
haven’thadacurfewsinceIwastenyearsold.”

“Me,either,”Isay.
Really,sinceIcanremember,myparentshaveletmedowhateverIwant,aslongastheyknowwhere

IamorwhoI’mwith.Though,consideringIwasusuallywithCharlie,theyalwaysknewIwassafe.

TeaganisabouttosaysomethingelsewhenourdoorbustsopenandEmmacomesthrough.She’sbeen

crying,andthereismascararunningalldownherface.ShewalksrightovertoTeagan’sbedandTeagan
wrapsherarmsaroundherfriend.

“Whatdidhedothistime?”Teaganasksher.
I’massumingtheheshe’sreferringtoisBryce.
“Hewas...flirting...”sob,“with...”sob,“Paige...”
Paige.
Thatwasthesnobbygirlfromearlier.
Whywouldanybodywanttoflirtwithher?Imean,yeah,she’sgorgeous,butbeautyfades.Herbad

attitudeisforever.

“Theydeserveeachother,”Isay.
Teagan’seyeswidenasshelooksatme.
Guessthatwasthewrongthingtosay.
Iclearmythroat.“Imean,youdeservesomuchbetterthanBryce.”
“You’reright,”Emmasays,sittingup.“Idodeservebetter.Bryceisaterribleboyfriend.”
“Sodumphim,”Isay.
“But...Ilovehim,”shesays.
Teaganjustrollshereyes.
I’mbeginningtoseewhyshedidn’troomwiththegirl.Ifthisishowsheiseverynight,Ifeelsorry

forherroommate.

“You’resixteen.You’llfindloveagain,”Isay.“Preferablywithsomebodywhoisn’tacomplete

jerk.”

“He’snotalwaysajerk,”Emmasays,defendingBryce.“Hecanbeareallygoodboyfriend.”
Uh.
Seriously.
IlookatTeagan,whoisshakingherhead.
“IthoughtyouwerehappythissummerwhenyouandBrycetookabreak,”Teagansays.
“Iwas.Kindof.Imean,Imissedhim,”Emmasays.“Butthenheshowedupatmyparents’beach

houseaweekbeforeschoolstarted,andhewastellingmehowmuchhelovesmeandhowmuchhe
missedme.AndImissedhim,too.Somuch.Thatmustmeanthatwe’remeanttobetogether.”

“Look,I’mnotgoingtoarguewithyouaboutthis,”Teagansays.“It’spointless.You’vemadeupyour

mindtobewithBryce.I’vetriedtohelp.I’vetalkedtoyouaboutthisfortwoyears,now.ThisiswhyI
can’tbeyourroommate.I’msickoftheBrycedrama.Eitherdumphim,ormakeupwithhim,okay?”

“You’reright,”Emmasays,wipingunderhereyes.“I’msopathetic.Ijust...wedecidedthatwe

woulddateuntiltheendofhighschool.Weknowwe’renotgoodtogether,sowe’regoingtodifferent
colleges.ButIwantthistimewithhim.”

“It’ssoundslikehe’susingyou,”Isay.
Teaganshakesherheadslightly.
Again,thewrongthingtosay,Iguess.
“Imean...umm...whatifyoucouldhaveahealthyrelationshipinhighschoolwithsomebodyelse?”I

ask.“Whatifyou’rewastingfouryearsonafrogwhenyourprinceisjustwaiting.”

Teagandiscretelygivesmeathumbsup.
“Ididn’tthinkofthat,”Emmasays.
“IwasbeingseriouswhenIsaidyoudeservebetter,”Isay.“Idon’tknowyouallthatwellyet,but

youseemnice.AndmaybeBrycegenuinelylovesyou,buthe’snevergoingtolearnhowtotreatyouright
ifyouconstantlyputupwithhimtreatingyouliketrash.”

TRANSLATION:dumphim.Hesucks.
“Iknow,buthepromisedhewouldchange,”Emmasays.
Andherewegoagain.
“He’sbeenpromisingtochangeforthepasttwoyears,”Teagansays.
“Iknow,buthereallymeantitthistime,”Emmasays.
“Ifhemeantit,thenwhyareyouinherecryingandwhyisheflirtingwithPaige?”Iask.
WhichcausesEmmatosobharder.
“IthinkI’mjustmakingthisworse,”Isay.
Teagannods.
Yep.Definitelyworse.
“I’lljust...go,”Isay,grabbingmyphonefromthenightstand.It’seighto’clockinCalifornia,soIam

goingtocallmymom.

Iwalkdownthehallwayandgointothestairwellatthebackofthebuilding.Hardlyanybodyusesthe

backstairsandmostofthegirlsareeitherasleeporatthedocks,soIknowIwon’tbedisrupted.Ipush
mymom’snumberandwaitanxiouslyforhertoanswer.

“Hello,”mymomanswersonthethirdring.
“Hey,Mom,”Isay.
“Phoenix,it’ssogoodtohearyourvoice,”Momsays.“Howareyou?How’sschool?Areyoumaking

friends?Arethereanycuteboys?Tellmeeverything.”

“Onequestionatatime,”Isay.“Imissyou.”
“Imissyou,too,”shesays.“SodoesCharlie.He’sbeenwalkingaroundherelookingsoglum.The

housejustisn’tthesamewithoutyouhere.”

“ImissCharliesomuch,”Isay.
“Enoughaboutthat,”shesays.“Let’stalkabouthappythings.TellmeaboutEastRavenAcademy.”
“It’sgood,Mom,”Isay.“Theschoolisbeautiful.Andthekidsareallprettynice.Imean,therewas

onemeangirl,butIsupposeeveryschoolhasthem.IhaveanawesomeroommateIactuallygetalong
with.She’sonthesoccerteam.”

“That’sperfectforyou,”Momsays.“Whatabouttheboys?”
“Theremustbesomekindofrulethatsaysonlysuper-hotguysareallowedtobeadmitted,because,

oh,mygosh,Mom.Theseguysaresohot,”Isay.

“Don’ttellmeyoualreadyhaveaboyyoulike,”shesays.
“Noway,”Isay.“Ijustgothere.”
“Good.You’retooyoungtosettleforjustoneguy.Datealotofguys.”
Ilaugh.“You’remymom.Youcan’tsaystufflikethattome.”
“You’reonlyyoungonce.Enjoyit,”Momsays.
“Okay,enoughaboutmyverynonexistentlovelife,”Isay.“Ishouldprobablygetoffhere.Idon’t

wantanybodytocatchmetalkingtoyou.I’dhavetopretendthatyou’reUncleMatty,andI’mjustsosick
ofpretending.”

“Holdyourheadhigh.Youcandothis,”Momsays.“Iloveyou.”
“Loveyou,too.”
IhangupthephoneandwalkbacktomyroombeforeIstartcrying.Ihavetobestrong.Mylife

literallydependsonit.

Sunday,August20

Justtrynottokillme.Please.

Isitwithmyheadbetweenmylegs,tryingtobreathe.
Seriously,istheairinMassachusettsthinnerthanitisinCalifornia?BecauseIkindoffeellikeI’m

abouttopassout.

“Ithoughtyouplayedsoccer,”UncleMattysays.
He’sannoyedthatI’msittingdown.
“Ido,”Isay,betweenbreaths.“Ijustdidn’tplayallsummer.It’snotmyfaultyou’remakingmeruna

mile.I’mnotarunner.”

“Well,youarenow,”hesays.
Irollmyeyes.
Seriously,thisistorture.
AndIswearUncleMattyenjoyseverysecondofit.
“Getup,”UncleMattysays.
“Ican’t,”Isay.“Mylegsarenoodles.”
UncleMattylooksatJake,whoisstandingbesidehim.
“Thesooneryougetup,thesooneryoucangobacktodoingwhateveritisyouweregoingtodo

today,”Jakesays.

Thiscausesmetostandup.
“Ifyouwanttotrainme,fine,”Isay.“ButrememberthatIamsixteen.Andthisishard.Ialsohave

soccertryoutsonTuesdayandIneedtobeabletousemylegsifI’mgoingtomaketheteam.”

“Fine.Nomorerunninguntilyougetusedtosoccer,”Jakesays.
UncleMattygrunts.
He’sobviouslyunhappywithJake’sdecision.
“Butyouhavetolearnself-defense,”hesays.
“Ithoughtitwasyourjobtodefendme,”Isay.
“Wecan’talwaysbethere,”UncleMattysays.“Imean,wecould.Butthatwouldrequireustofollow

youaroundtheschool.Allday.Everyday.We’dbetheretwenty-fourseven.Whenyou’rehangingout
withfriends.Whenyouhangoutwithboys...”

“Okay,okay,”Isay.“Igetit.Ihavetolearnhowtofight.Whatever.I’lllearn.Justtrynottokillme,

please.”

Anhourlater,Iamlyingonthefloor,lookingatthelightattheceiling.EverytimeIblink,Iseea

blackspotwherethelightis,butI’mtootiredtolookaway.

Afigurecomesandstandsinthewayofthelight.
“Youdidgood,kid,”Jaketellsme.
UncleMattyhasalreadyleft.
“Idon’tthinkUncleMattylikesme,”Isay.
“Don’ttakeitpersonally,”Jakesays.“Helikesyou,he’sjusttough.Hewantstomakesureyou’re

safe.”

“Iknow,”Isay,sittingupasJakesitsbesidemeonthefloor.“Thisisjustallsohard.”
Almostgettingkidnapped.
Leavingmyfamily.

Comingtoboardingschoolontheothersideofthecountry.
LyingtoeverybodyaboutwhoIam.
“You’rethesameageashiskids,”Jakesays.“Ithinkwhenhelooksatyou,heseesthem.You’reinan

impossiblesituation,andhe’ssuperprotectiveofyou.Hewantsyoutobesafe.”

Aw.
Okay,maybeUncleMattyisn’tsobad.
“Ican’timaginewhatyourparentsmustbefeeling.Ifanybodyevertriedtohurtmybabygirl,I’dkill

them,”hesays.

“I’msorryyouhavetobeawayfromher,”Itellhim.
“I’llseehersoon,”Jakesays.“ISkypewithherandmywifeeverynight.”
“Yeah,butseeingthemthroughascreenisn’tthesame,”Isay.
“Iknow.Butunlikeyou,Iamallowedtoleavecampus.I’mgoingtoseethemeveryotherweekend,”

hetellsme.

Still.
Onlyseeingyourwifeandchildeveryotherweekendhasgottosuck.
“Still,Iamsorry,”Isay.
“Don’tbe.Thisismyjob.Thisishowmywifeanddaughtercanaffordtoeatandthereasonthey

haveaplacetolive,”Jakesays.“Thisjobwon’tlastforever.”

“Icertainlyhopenot,”Isay.
Because,seriously.
Jakepusheshimselfupfromthefloorandholdsoutahandtohelpmeup.Iacceptit,becauseI’m

prettysureIcouldn’tgetoffthefloornowifItried.

“Yougotthis,Phoenix,”hetellsme.“Gohangoutwithyourfriendsandhavefun.”
“I’lltry,”Isay.
Because,really,Iwill.
IjustwishIdidn’thavetotrysohard.

11pm.

Eastvs.West.

Latethatnight,TeaganandIwalkdowntothedockstohangout.IpromisedEstainethatI’dbethere,

plusIkindofwanttogo.IwanttoseewhereeverybodyhangsoutandIwanttomakefriends.

Estaineisn’thereyet,soIsitdownatthebonfirewhileTeaganrunsofftogotalktosomeofher

friends.I’mthankfulforthemomentofsolitude.Isitclosetothesmallbonfire,wonderinghowtheydon’t
getcaught.Doesn’tsecurityseethesmoke?Ordotheyjustnotcarethatweallgoofftohangoutafter
curfew?Ormaybetheydon’tseeit.Behindusarelotsoftrees,andbeyondthelaketherearemore
houses.Maybetheythinkthesmokeiscomingfromoneofthehouses.

Ilookacrossthefire,andIseeaguyIdon’trecognize.TeaganisprettypopularandIthoughtshehad

introducedmetonearlyeverybodyhere.I’dliketosaythatmaybeIdon’trememberhim,buthe’snotthe
kindofguyagirlwouldforgetseeing.He’sstandingbyanotherguyIdon’trecognize.Helockseyeswith
mefromacrossthefire,makingmyheartjump.

Crap.
Hetotallysawmestaring.
Iglanceaway,hopingIdon’tlooklikeacreeper.
Butafewsecondslater,Ilookupandseethattheboysaregone.So,theyeitherleftbecausethey

thoughtIwascreepy,ortheyjustdidn’tnoticeme.I’mnotsurewhichoneisworse.

Gah,nowIsoundlikeeveryotherteenagedgirlhere.
“Whoareyou?”adeepvoiceasks.
IturntothesourceandseetheguyIhadjustbeenstaringat.
Andoh,my,gosh.
Hiseyes.
Are.
So.
Blue.
Bestillmyheart.
Hehasdarkhair,butithasstreaksoflightbrownthroughoutit.Heeitherdyedit,orhespentalotof

timeoutdoorsthissummer.I’dgowiththelatter,becausehedoesn’tseemlikethekindofguywhowould
dyehishair.

“PhoenixB...uh...PhoenixUnderwood,”Isay.“I’mnew.”
Hesmiles.
Thosedimples.
Seriously.
“I’mBrooksRemington,”hesays,thennodshisheadtowardshisfriendIcompletelydidn’tnotice

wasstandingthere.“Thisismyfriend,ReedLivingston.”

“It’stoobadyou’regoingtoEastRaven,”Reedsays.“IhaveafeelingyouandIwould’vebeenreal

goodfriends.”

Ilookathim,feelingconfused.
“WegotoWestRaven,”Brookssays.“Don’ttell.We’rerivals.”
WestRaven?Ididn’tevenrealizetherewasaWestRaven.
“Butyou’reatourparty,”Isay.
“Nobody’snoticedusyet,”Brookssays.“Wedecidedtocrash.”
“Idon’tknowhownobodyhasnoticedyou,”Isay,thenfeelfoolishforevensayingit.I’mprettysure

myfaceisbrightred,rightnow.

“That’smycuetofindahotgirlandleaveyoutwoalone,”ReedsaystoBrooks,thenwalksoff.
Andmylevelofmortificationjustrosetoanewheight.
CouldIbeanymoreawkward?
“WhatbringsyoutoEastRavenAcademy?”Brooksasks.“Ihaven’tseenyoubefore,andyoudon’t

looklikeafreshman.Didyourfamilygohere?”

“No.We’refromtheWestCoast,”Ianswer.“Imean...myfamilywasfromtheWestCoast.Ilivewith

myuncleinNewYork,now.’Causemyparentsaredead.Thatsoundedreallyawkward,I’msorry.And
I’mdefinitelynotafreshman.I’majunior.”

“I’msorryaboutyourparents,”hesays,lookingatmesympathetically.“Ididn’tmeantopry.”
“No,it’stotallyokay.Iwasababy,”Isay.“Idon’trememberthem.Andmyuncleiskindofawesome,

soit’sallgood.”

Soelegant.I’mprettymuchnailingthiswholefirstimpressionthing.
“Still,”Brookssays.“It’sgottobehard.”
Ijustshrugandsmile.
“IwishyourunclehadsentyoutoWestRaven,instead,”hesays.
Me.
Too.
Wait,what?
Seriously,Imeetonecuteguyandmybrainturnstomush.IlikeEastRavenAcademy.I’vealready

madefriends,andIloveithere.

“Well,Iwishyourfamilyhadsentyouhere.Butthenagain,you’dprobablybeamajordistraction

duringclass.I’dbestaringatyouinsteadof...”Isay,myvoicetrailingoff.Iimmediatelywantthewords
back.Thatwassuchanawkwardthingtosay.

Brookslaughs.
“I’msorry,”Isay.“IpromiseI’mnotalwaysawkward.Just,like,fiftypercentofthetime.Apparently

youbringouttheweirdoinme.”

“Ilikeyourinnerweirdo,”hesays.“So,whoisyourfamily?MaybeI’veheardofthem.”
“MyuncleisMatty,”Ianswer.“MattyUnderwood.You’veprobablyneverheardofhim.Mycousin

Jakeliveswithus,too.They’retheonlyfamilyIhave.”

Iwanttotellhimaboutmyrealfamily.Aboutmydad,andhowproudIamofhimforjoining

congress.HowhappyIamthatheandmystepmomarepregnant.I’dtellhimaboutmymomandstepdad.
AboutCharlie,whohasbeenmystepbrothersinceIwasten.I’dtellhimhowmuchImissCharlie.About
howwewereseparatedforoursafety.I’dtellhimhowmuchitkillsmetobeawayfromhim.

Ihatelying.Mywholeliferightnowisalie.AndIjustwanttotellsomebodythetruth.
‘Don’ttellanybodyatEastRavenAcademyanything.Ifwordgetsoutthatyou’rethereandthe

terroristsfindout,theycouldkillalotofpeople.Innocentpeople.’UncleMatty’swordsrunthroughmy
head,remindingmeofexactlywhyIneedtokeepquiet.I’vemadefriendsherealready,andIdon’twant
anyofthemdyingbecauseofme.

“Idon’tknowanyUnderwoods,”Brookssays.
Ijustsmile,becausewhatelseamIsupposedtosay?Ifhedidn’tknowwhomyrealfamilyis,I’dtell

him.Mydad’saself-madebillionaire.Mymomisanheiresstoalargefortune.Hergreatgrandfather
startedoneofthebiggestbanksintheUS.Onethatherbrother,myuncle,nowruns.Mystepdadisa
producer.Heproducesmovies,andI’vegottentomeetatonoffamouspeoplebecauseofhim.Iknow
he’drecognizethemoviesifInamedafew.ButIcan’tdothat.

“We’renotthatspecial,”Isay.Itkillsmetosaythat,becauseIthinkmyfamilyisprettyspecial.
“Itprobablywon’tbelongbeforesomebodynoticeswe’rehere.IwouldkickmyselfifIspentthe

eveningtalkingtoabeautifulgirlwithoutgettinghernumber,”Brookssays.

Ismile.
OnegoodthingaboutthisisthatIwillknowhelikesmeforme,andnotformyfamilyconnections.
Ipullmyphoneoutofmybackpocket,unlockit,andhandittohimsohecanprogramhisnumber.He

does,andeventakesaselfiewithmyphone,andhandsitback.Ilookathiscontactandseehispicture.

He’ssocute.
“Itextedmyselffromyourphone,”Brookssays.“BecauseIdon’twanttospendthenextfewdays

waitingforyoutotextme.”

“Youdon’tlooklikethekindofguywhoeverhastowaitforatextfromagirl,”Isay,thenputmyarm

overmyeyes.“CanyoujustpretendIdidn’tsaythat?”

Hetouchesmyarm,soImoveitaway.“No.Becausethatprettymuchmademyday.Inever,everwant

toforgetthatyousaidthat.”

Whyme?
“Ididn’tevenaskifyouhaveaboyfriend.Imean,you’rereallypretty,soyouprobablydo,”hesays.

“ButIreallyhopeyoudon’t.ButIdon’twanttomakehimmadbytextingyou.”

“Noboyfriend,”Isay,grinninglikeanidiot.WhydoIhavetomakeitsoobviousthatI’mattractedto

thisguy?

“Phoenix!Bae!Whatup?”AnarmgoesaroundmeandIlookoveratJason.Ofcourseit’sJason.He

removeshisarmashelooksatBrookswhoisstandinginfrontofme.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”

“Partycrashing,”Brooksanswers,andthenwinksatme.

“Youneedtoleave.Now,”Jasonsays.
Brooksdoesn’tatallseemaffectedbythethreat.Hejustlooksatme.
“I’llseeyousoon,”hesays.
Idon’tsayanythingbackashewalksoff.HestopstograbhisfriendReed.
Jasonturnstowardsme,makingmefocusmyattentiononhiminsteadofBrooks.
“He’sbadnews,Phoenix,”hetellsme.
“Why?”Iask.“What’dhedo?”
“HegoestoWestRaven.”
“So?”
“They’reourrivals,”Jasonsays.“Trustme,youdonotwanttofraternizewiththeenemy.”
“Oh,mygosh.Whatisthis?WestSideStory?It’sridiculous.Hewascool.IthinkIwanttobehis

friend,”Isay.

“Don’t,”hesays.“Promiseme.”
Icantellhe’snotgoingtoletthisonego.
“Okay,”Isay.EventhoughIhavenointentionsoffollowingthroughonthepromise.
Jasonisobviouslysatisfiedwithmyanswer,becausehewalksoff,leavingmetherealone.Igetup

andstartwalkingaround,lookingforpeopleIknow.I’mreallydisappointedthatJasonranBrooksoff.

AsIwalkpasttheboatdockIseeacouplemakingout.
Thedockisold.Like,reallyold,andinneedofsomemajorrepairs.Honestly,I’dbescareditwould

break.ButevenifIwasn’tscaredoffallingthroughtherottedwood,Iwouldbescaredofgettinga
splinter,butthatdoesn’tseemtofazethecoupleatall.

Wait.
IsthatEmma?
Uh...andBryce.
Gross.
“Iseetheymadeup,”avoicesaysbehindme.
IturnaroundandseeEstainestandingthere.“Unfortunately.Ormaybefortunately,forme.Iguessthis

meansshewon’tcometomydormroomcryingtonight.”

“Iwouldn’tcountonthat,”Estainesays.“Thenightisstillyoung.”
Irollmyeyes.“Great.”
“Don’ttellmeyou’realreadysickofthem,”hesays.“Youjustgothere.I’vebeenlisteningtotheir

dramaforthepasttwoyears.”

“IthinkI’mgettingwhyTeagandidn’troomwithEmma,”Isay.
“Theyroomedtogetherfreshmanyearandbecamebestfriends,”Estainesays.“Butthenthedrama

startedwithBryce.EmmaandBrycebrokeupforthesummer,afterfreshmanyear,andEmmapromised
TeaganthatshewasdonewithBryce.So,theyroomedtogether.ButEmmagotbackwithBryce,andthe
wholeyearwas...well,alotofcrying.So,TeaganrefusedtoroomwithEmmathisyear.”

“Idon’tblameher,”Isay.“I’msogladtheydidn’tstickmeinaroomwithEmma.”
“Nokidding,”Estainesays.
“Hey,so,doyouknowaguynameBrooks,fromWestRaven?”Iask.
“Yeah,”heanswers,notlookingtoohappy.“Why?”
“Hewashereearlier,”Isay.“Ididn’tevenknowtherewasaWestRavenAcademy.Buthewas

talkingtome,andJasontotallyflippedoutaboutit.”

“WestRavenAcademyisn’tabadschool,butthey’reourrivals.Ihaveafewfriendswhogothere,

andwepretendtohateeachotheratthegames.It’skindoffun,”Estainesays.“ButBrooks...he’sbad
news.Youshouldstayawayfromhim.”

“Why?Imean,whatdidhedo?”Iask.

“Juststayawayfromhim,”hesays,butdoesn’tanswermyquestion.
“Okay,”Isay.
Still,Ican’thelpbutwonderwhatBrooksdidthatwassobad.
Andhonestly,I’mnotgoingtostayawayfromhim.

Monday,August21

WecanflytoVegasafterschool.

Myalarmgoesoffbeforefivethatmorning,because,apparently,UncleMattyandJakewanttotorture

meeveryday,evenonmyfirstdayofschool.But,I’lltakewakingupearlyoverthembeingmyconstant
shadow.Besides,itwouldbehardtoexplaintomyfriendswhyIsuddenlyhaveabodyguard.

AsI’mbrushingmyteeth,IlookatmyphoneandseethatIhaveatextfromBrooks.Ismilearoundthe

toothbrushandIreadit.

BROOKS:Ican’tstopthinkingaboutyou.

Thatonesentencemakesmyheartskipabeat.

ME:Iwouldsaysorry,butI’mkindofnot.Ilikethatyoucan’tstopthinkingofme.

AssoonasIsendthetext,Irealizethatit’s4:45inthemorningandhe’sprobablyasleep.AndifI

wakehimup,he’sprobablygoingtohateme.

AndwhydidIhavetosoundsoflirty?Nowhe’sgoingtothinkI’macreep.Iwantthattextback.
AsI’mrinsing,myphonegoesoffagain.

BROOKS:Thisisprettymuchthebestwaytowakeup.(Withatextfromyou).

ME:Ditto.

Ah,whycan’tIstopsmiling?
CharlieandIusedtomakefunofgirlsatschoolwhosmiledalotwhiletexting.Wewouldmakeupa

fakeconversationbetweenthegirlandwhomevershewastexting,andlaugh.Andnow,Iamoneofthose
girls.

BROOKS:Isthereareasonyou’reupbefore5am?

ME:Yep.Training.

Islipmyshoeson,grabthekeystomydorm,andheadoutthedoor.I’mhalfwaydownthehallwhen

hetextsback.

BROOKS:Trainingforwhat?TheOlympics?

ME:Yeah,no.Notevenclose.

Crap.WhyamItraining?

ME:MMA.Myunclekindofforcedmetostartit,butI’mgladhedid.It’skindoffun.

Yes.Thatisgood.Andkindoftrue.JakeandUncleMattyareteachingmealotofmixedmartialarts.

Forcingme.It’snotfunyet,butIhaveafeelingitcouldbe.

BROOKS:CanyoufightbetterthanIcan?Imighthavetorethinkthiswholearrangement.Ican’t

beinterestedinagirlwhocantakemeoninafight.

ME:Why?ScaredImightbruiseyourego;)

Hedoesn’ttextbackforafewminutes,whichscaresme.IhopeIdidn’toffendhim.ButjustasI

arriveatthegym,myphonegoesoff.

BROOKS:Okay,that’sit.Youarethecoolestgirl,EVER.Marryme.Today.

ME:Sure.WecanflytoVegasafterschool.
ME:I’matthegymnow,soI’lltalktoyoulater.

WhenIputmyphoneandkeysdownonthechair,JakeandUncleMattyarebothlookingatme.
“Sup?”Iask.
“Whoareyoutexting?”Jakeasks.Heissmiling.
“Justthisguy,”Ianswer.“Whatdoesitmatter?”
“You’dbetternotletthisguydistractyoufromtraining,”UncleMattysays.
“She’ssixteen.Don’tgivehergriefaboutherboyfriend,”Jakesays.
“Brooksisn’tmyboyfriend,”Isay.
“Brooks?”UncleMattyasks,thenlooksatJake.“Thereisn’taBrooksatthisschool,isthere?”
Theyknowthenamesofallthestudents?
“Hedoesn’tgohere.HegoestoWestRaven,”Isay.
“Howdidyoumeethim?”Jakeasks.
Ah,crud.
Ican’texactlytellthemImethimwhenIsnuckoutaftercurfew.
“Ijust...sortofranintohimoncampus,”Isay.
“Hewashere?”UncleMattyasks.
“Yes,”Ianswer.
“Ididn’tseehisnameonthevisitorlogallweekend,”hesays.
Seriously?
“Maybehekindofsnuckoncampus,”Isay.“Itwasn’tabigdeal.”
“Notabigdeal?”UncleMattysays,hisfaceturningred.
“Hewascrashingtheparty,that’sall.”
“Party?Whatparty?”Jakeasks.Nowhelooksmad.
Uh...
“Itwasnothing,”Isay.“Just...abunchofushungoutatthedockslastnight.Practicallythewhole

schoolwasthere.BrooksandanotherguyfromWestRavenAcademycame.Wewerejustchilling.”

“Whendidyouhangout?”UncleMattyasks.“Youwereatthemixeruntilcurfew.”
Iclearmythroat.“Um...itwas...um...afterthemixer.”
That’swhentheybothloseit.UncleMattyandJakebothstartyellingatme.Ican’tquitemakeout

whatthey’resaying,butIdohearthewordscurfew,dangerous,stupid,andpossiblythewordexpulsion.

“I’mnotgoingtogetexpelled.Iftheyexpelledme,they’dliterallyhavetoexpelhalftheschool,”I

say.“Itwasn’tevenabigdeal.Thekidshangoutatthedocksallthetime.Youcan’texpectmetonot

hangoutwithmyfriends.Youguysaretheoneswhotoldmetoblendin.”

“Blendin,notgetyourselfkilled,”Jakesays.
“IthoughtIwassafehere.”
“Youare,”UncleMattysays.“Butwhathappensifyourlocationgetscompromised,andyou’renot

safeanymore?Wewouldn’tevenknowwheretofindyou.”

“Howaboutthis...I’lltextyouguyseverytimeIgotothedocks,thatwayyou’llknowwhereIam,”I

say.

“Fine,”Jakesays,butclearlyneitheroneofthemarehappyaboutit.
Toobad.
I’vealreadygivenupeverythingtocomehere.I’mnotgivingupanythingelse.
Anhourlater,onthewaybacktomydorm,IsmilewhenIreadthetextfromBrooks.

BROOKS:Alreadybookedourflight.
BROOKS:BTW,prettysureI’mgoingtofaileverysingleclass,becauseIcan’tconcentrate.Ikeep

thinkingaboutthisbrunettethatImetlastnight...

Yeah,okay.
PrettysurenowIwon’tbeabletoconcentrate,either.

8am.

Gotitbad.

“Whatareyousmilingabout?”Ianasks,asItakeaseatthetableinthedininghall.
Rightnow,thereisjustIanandEstaineatthetable.Iguesseverybodyelseisgettingalatestart.
Crap.
WhyamIsmiling?
Ican’tjusttellthemI’msmilingoverBrooks.EspeciallyconsideringItoldEstaineIwouldstayaway

fromhim.

“Food,”Isay.“Duh.”
Thefooddoeslookprettyawesome.Plus,thereisacoffeeshoprighthereoncampusandIneededa

doubleshotaftertoday’straining.

“You’reweird,Phoenix,”Iansays.
“Thanks,”Isay,grinning.Beingweirdisn’tsuchabadthing.Really.
“Ihappentolikeyourlevelofweirdness,”Estainesays.
“Isthatsupposedtobeacompliment?”Ianasks.
EstaineandIbothlaugh.
“Itwassupposedtobe,butitcameoutwrong,”Estainesays.“WhatImeantosayisIthinkyou’rea

prettycoolchick.”

“LasttimesomebodytoldmeIwasprettycool,theyaskedmetohacktheirgirlfriend’sphonerecords

toseeifshewascheatingonhim,”Isay.“Doyouneedmetohacksomething?Ifyoudo,allyouhaveto
doitask.Idon’tneedflattery.”

Anothertrayjoinsthetable.
“Youcandothat?”Bryceasks,ashesitsdown.“Youcanhacksomebody’sphonerecords?”
“Yep,”Ianswer.
Helooksworried.

“Don’tworry,”Itellhim.“PrettysureEmmadoesn’tevencarethatyou’recheatingonher.”
Atleasthehastheaudacitytolookguilty.Maybehehasaconscienceafterall.
Still,ifhe’snotinterestedintrulydatingEmma,heshouldjustbreakupwithher.Sure,itwouldsuck

forEmma.Andme,becauseshe’dprobablybecryinginmydormroom.Butshewouldgetoveritand
moveon.Maybeshe’devengetanewboyfriend,onewhowouldn’ttreatherlikedirt.

“InevercheatonEmma,”Brycesays.“Ialwaysbreakupwithherbeforeitgetsthatfar.”
“Right.So,sendinggirlsflirtytextmessagesdoesn’tcountascheating,”Isay,thesarcasmheavyin

myvoice.“Gotit.So,youwouldn’tcareifEmmawastextingotherguys?”

Brycecastshisgazedownward.Hejustansweredmyquestionwithoutspeaking.Ofcoursehe

wouldn’tbeokaywithit.

MyphonevibratesandIknowwithoutlookingthatit’sBrooks.Iwaituntiltheguysstarttalkingabout

football,toreadthetext,carefultokeepmyphonehiddenunderneaththetable.Isodonotwantanybody
findingoutthatI’mtextinghim.

BROOKS:MyfriendskeepaskingmewhyI'msmiling...Itoldthemit'sbecauseIwastextingyou.

Theylaughedatme,calledmeagirl,untilIshowedthemyourpicture.Now,they'realljealous.

ME:NowIknowyou'redelusional...

BROOKS:Tellmeaboutthelastguyyoudated.

ME:Isn'titalittleearlytobehavingtheextalk?Which,bytheway,wouldbeaveryshorttalk.I

havehadoneboyfriend.Inthesixthgrade.Ibrokeupwithhimafteraweekbecausehetookanother
girltoseemyfavoriteboyband.I'mclearlystillheartbroken.

BROOKS:Pleasetellmeyou'rejoking.Becauseifyou'renot,guysontheWestCoastareseriously

idiots.

“Idon'tthinkI'veeverseenheruseherphonesomuch.”
“EarthtoPhoenix.”
IlookupandseethatTeaganandEmmahavenowjoinedthetable.
“Sorry,”Isay,lockingmyphone.“Itwas...mycousin.”
Anotherlie.
I'malreadylyingaboutwhoIam.Igetit.It'sformysafety.ButnowI'mlyingaboutBrooks.Ihate

liars.HowdidIbecomeone?

Oh,right.BecauseIwaskidnappedbyterroristsandgivenanewidentitybythegovernmentformy

safety.

“Sam,Penny,andZoeywanttohaveagirl’shangoutnighttonight,”Teagantellsme.“Youin?”
“Obviously,”Isay.
“Theyreallylikeyou,”shesays.
Why?
Seriously,Idon’tfeellikeI’maverylikableperson.I’mreallynot,becauseifIwas,maybeI

would’vehadmorefriendsinMalibu.Instead,IjusttaggedalongwithCharlieandallofhisfriends.

“Theytriedtotalkmeintojoiningthedanceteam,”Itellher.
“Thedanceteamlooksfun,butitinterfereswithoursoccerschedule.Obviously.Theydanceatthe

games,”Emmasays.

“Youshouldjointhedanceteam,”ItellEmma.“Thatwayyoucangotothefootballgamesandthe

soccergames.”

“Butthereisalsofieldhockey,basketball,baseball,swimteam,andatonofothersports,”Emma

says.“Thedanceandcheerteamarealwayssuperbusy.Imean,itlooksliketheyhaveablast,but...”

Bryce.
It’sherunfinishedword.
Beingbusyisn’tbad.Ilikebeingbusy.AndIhaveafeelingitwouldbegoodforEmma.
IfonlyIcouldtalkherintoit.
“Youshoulddoit,”Itellher,thenlookatBryce.“Right,Bryce?”
Helooksatme,stunned,thenlooksatEmma.“Absolutely,babe.”
“He’devencomewatchyoudance,”Isay.
Henodshishead.
Ha.
Ilovethathe’sscaredI’mgoingtohackhisphonerecords.
Iequallyhatethathe’sscaredofitbecauseheknowsEmmawoulddumphimifIdid.Whichmeanshe

definitelyhassomethingtohide.

“Maybe,”Emmasays,grinninggenuinelyforthefirsttime...ever.Atleast,sinceImether.
Emmaiskindofgorgeous.Honestly,Ithinkshemightbetheprettiestgirlinthisschool.Herskinis

pale,butmoreinaporcelainbeautykindofway.She’sgotbigbrowneyesandlongblondehair.Icould
definitelyseeherhairupinaponytail,swishingbackandforthasshedances.

Ifinishupeatingandwalktowardsmyfirstclass.Onthewaythere,ItextBrooksback.

ME:I’mnotjoking.Ievenwenttohomecomingwithmybrother’sbestfriendbecausenobody

askedme.Iwaskindofaloser.

Ihitsend,thenrealizemymistake.
Crap.
It’shardnottotalkaboutCharlietoeverybody,becauseCharlieisimportanttome.Wedideverything

togetherwhenIwasinMalibu.AndnowthatI’mhere,Imisshimlikecrazy.

BROOKS:Maybeyourbrotherranalltheboysoff.Ihaveayoungersister.She’safreshman.I

definitelywarnedalltheguystostayawayfromher.

ME:That’sawful!AndCharliewouldn’tdothat.Wearethesameage.Well,he’s3monthsolder.

Buthewould’vetotallybeenokaywithmehavingaboyfriend.

BROOKS:Howisyourbrother3monthsolder?

ME:Charlieismystepbrother.

BROOKS:Oh.Ithoughtyourparentsdiedwhenyouwereababy.

Well,I’vereallydoneitnow.
I’vegottobebetteratthiswholelyingthing.

ME:Theydid.
ME:It’salongstory.Onethatisbettertoldinperson.

ThatwayIhavetimetothinkofalie.

BROOKS:Isthatyournot-so-subtlewayoftellingmethatyouwanttoseemeagain?

ME:Absolutely.

IenjoyflirtingwithBrookswaytoomuch.
Seriously,Ineedtotellmyfriendsabouthim.I’mlyingaboutsomuchalready.
ButthenIthinkabouthowbothEstaineandJasonwarnedmetostayawayfromBrooks.Really,what

issobadabouthim?Isitjustbecausehegoestoourrivalschool?I’dask,butthenthey’dknowIwas
stilltalkingtohim.

AsI’mwalkingintoclass,myphonevibratesagain.

BROOKS:

Soon.

Andthethoughtofseeinghimagain,soon,makesmewaytoohappy.
I’vegotitbad.

7pm.

He’sintoyou.

Myfirstdayofschoolisofficiallyover.
Itwasn’tsobad.
Exceptmyfirstclassoftheday.
EnglishwithMr.Anderson.
Okay,usuallyI’mnotbadatEnglish.Butforsomereason,myEnglishclassisafreakingpoetryclass.

Poetry.Ihavenever,everunderstoodpoetry.Andwehavetointerpretthesepoems.Andyou’dthink,hey,
youcan’tgetthatwrong.Everybodyinterpretsthingsdifferently,right?Wrong.Wehavetohaveaspecific
answer.AndIhateit.

Also,Mr.Andersonisawful.Hecalledmeoutinclasstwice.Imean,comeon!It’sthefirstday!Stop

makingmeanswerthings.I’mprettysurehealreadyhatesme.

Butnow,IamhangingoutwithZoey,Penelope,Samantha,TeaganandagirlnamedLayla.
Laylaisonthecheerleadingsquad,andIguessthatthecheeranddanceteamsarerivals.ButLaylais

thesweetestgirlever,andI’mprettysureshewouldgetalongwithanybody.

Emmawassupposedtocome,butIguessshe’shangingoutwithBryce.
“So,Emmasigneduptotryoutforthedanceteam,”Samanthatellsus.
“Wow.That’sgreat,”Isay.
“Ididn’tthinkshewouldactuallyfollowthrough,”Teagansays.
“Ifshemakestheteam,doyouthinkshewouldflakeonushalf-waythroughtheseason?”Zoeyasks.
“Maybe,”Teagananswers.“Butsheneedsthisbad.”
Everybodyagrees.
“Ijustdon’tunderstandwhyEmmaiswithBryce,”Laylasays.“She’ssuchasweetgirl.AndBryce

is...ascumbag.He’stalkingtohalfthegirlsonthecheerleadingsquad.Ijustdon’tunderstandwhatanyof
themseeinhim.”

“Me,either,”Teagansays.

Definitelynot.
Idon’tgetthefascination.Especiallyconsideringtherearealotofgoodlookingguysatourschool.
“So,what’sthedealwiththewholeEastRavenversusWestRaven?”Iask,changingthesubject.
I’mtiredoftalkingaboutBryce.
“Originally,itwasjustRavenAcademy,”Penelopeanswers.“ItwasfoundedbyPrescottand

LawrenceRavenin1902.Thestoryisthatthetwobrothersgotintoahugefightandsotheysplitupthe
schoolin1912.ItthenbecameEastRavenandWestRaven.Theysplitthepropertydownthemiddle.
PrescottrantheeastsideandLawrenceranthewest.”

“Wait,soWestRavenliterallyisattachedtotheEastRavenproperty?”Iask.
“Yeah.Well,aroadnowsplitsitup,”Zoeysays.“Butit’srightacrosstheroad.”
“IguessIgettherivalryalittlebetternow,”Isay.“Ijustdon’tlikeit.Thereareprobablynicepeople

atWestRaven.”

“IhavefriendsatWestRaven,”Laylasays.“They’renotbad.Wejustpretendtohateeachotheratthe

gamesandstuff.It’sfun.”

Estainehadsaidsomethingsimilar.
“Okay.So,ifIwasfriendswithsomebodyfromthere,itwouldn’tbeabigdeal?”Iask.
“Ofcoursenot,”Teagananswers.
Good.
Because,seriously.ThelastthingIwantismyfriendstobemadatmebecauseI’mfriendswith

Brooks.

Thegirlsstartgossipingaboutthefirstday,soIpulloutmyphonerealquicktoseeifIhaveatext

fromBrooks.

We’vebeentextingallday.Ihaveafewtextswaitingforme.

CHARLIE:Callmetonight.Imissyouandneedtohearyourvoice.

Yeah,ditto.
Imissmybrothersomuch.

METOCHARLIE:Absolutely.I’llcallaround10pmmytime.

Ilookattheothermessages.

ESTAINE:Wanttohangout?

BROOKS:Whatareyoudoing?Meaning,Ihopeyou’redoingnothingbecauseIwanttovideo

chatwithyouandseeyourbeautifulface.

OMG.
HethinksI’mbeautiful.
Gah.

METOBROOKS:It’sgirls’night.I’mhangingoutwithmyfriends.Maybeyouknowthem?

Teagan,Zoey,Penelope,SamanthaandLayla.Anyway...raincheck?BecauseeventhoughIthink
you’redelusionalfortellingmeIhaveabeautifulface,Istillwanttovideochat.

METOESTAINE:Can’ttonight.It’sgirls’night!

JustasIhitsend,myphoneisyankedfrommyhands.
“Hey!”Iprotest.
“Estaine,”Teagansays,grinningatmeasshepassesmyphoneback.“You’resmilingreallybig.”
Oh,thankGod.
TheythinkI’mthishappybecauseI’mtextingEstaine.
I’mnotquitereadytotellthemaboutBrooksyet.
“We’rejustfriends,”Isay.
It’sthetruth.
Estaineisveryattractive.Andhe’saniceguy.Buthe’snotBrooks.
“So,youcantellmeyou’renotatleastalittleattractedtotheguy?”Teaganasks.
“OfcourseI’mattractedtohim.TheguyisawalkingAbercrombiead,”Isay.
“Iknewit!”shesays,pumpingherfistup.
“Aw,youtwowillmakeacutecouple,”Penelopesays.
“Iknow,right?”Teagansays.“IsoknewEstainewascrushingonyou.”
“Youthink?”Iask,genuinelycurious.
I’mnotverygoodatknowingifaguyisintome.Unlesstheguyisverydirectaboutit,likeBrooksis.

AndevenwithBrooksI’munsureifhereallydoeslikeme.

“Absolutely,”Teagananswers.“Besides,whyelsewouldhewanttohangout?”
“Becausewe’refriends,”Isay.“Friendshangout.”
“Justtrustus,”Penelopesays.“He’sintoyou.”
Yeah,I’mnotsosureaboutthat.

10pm.

Theboysare...irrelevant.

“Hello.”
Charlieanswersonthefirstring.
Hewasobviouslywaitingbythephoneformetocall.
Ilovethathewas.
“Itissogoodtohearyourvoice,”Itellhim.
Seriously.It’sbeentoolong.Ijustwanttoseehim.Givehimahug.Andneverletgo.
Familyshouldneverbeseparated.
Stupidterrorists.
“Imissyou,”Charliesays.
“Imissyou,too,”Isay.“Like,alot.Ikindawishyouwerehere.Boardingschoolisactuallykindof

fun.”

“Wow.IneverthoughtI’dhearyousaythat,”hesays.“Theremustbeaguyinvolved.Isthere?Ineed

hisname,address,somereferences,andabackgroundcheck.Ihavetoknowifhe’sgoodenoughtodate
mysister.”

“Therearelotsofguyshere,”Isay.“Like,reallyhotguys.”
“Butthereisoneinparticular,”Charliesays.
“Maybe,”Isay.
“Whichmeansyes.Justtellme,”hesays.
“Fine,”Isay,asIpacebackandforthinthestairwell.“HisnameisBrooks.Andhehasthebluest

eyes.Andhissmile.Oh,mygosh,Charlie,Ihavenever,everfeltlikethisbefore.Itwas,like,loveatfirst
sight.”

“Love?”Charlieasks.
“YouknowwhatImean.Attraction.Likemagnetic,earthmoving,attraction,”Isay.“AndIknowhe

feltit,too.We’vebeentextingnonstop.TheonlyproblemishegoestoWestRavenAcademyandIgoto
EastRaven.Ourschoolsarerivals,soIcan’ttellanybodyabouthim.EverybodythinksIlikethisother
guywhogoeshere.”

“Wow.Twoguys.I’mimpressed,”hesays.
“Shutup.”
Helaughs.“Mylittlesisterisaplaya.”
“Iamnot.”
“Tellmeabouttheotherguy,”Charliesays.
“Um,we’rejustfriends,”Isay.“Imean,he’shot.Like,super-hot.AndhegoestoEastRaven.But

he’snotBrooks.”

“You’veknowntheseguysforthreedays,Phoenix,”hesays.“Maybeyoushouldgettoknowthem

beforeyoumakeadecision.Themagnetguycouldturnouttobeajerk.”

“Possibly,”Isay,hopingthat’snotthecase.“Buteitherway,Iwanttobebothoftheirfriends.”
“Speakingoffriends...haveyoumadeany?”
“Actually,yes,”Ianswer.“Well,I’mstartingto.I’mfriendswithmyroommate,Teagan.She’sonthe

soccerteam.Andwejustclickedrightaway.I’malsofriendswithsomegirlsfromthedanceteam,Zoey,
PenelopeandSamantha.Weallhungouttonight.Itwasawesome.”

“Aretheyhot?Because,youknow,I’msinglenow,”Charliesays.
Irollmyeyes,eventhoughhecan’tseeme.“You’realwayssingle.”
“True.”
“But,Ican’ttellthemaboutyou,”Isay,lettingoutasigh.“It’ssohard.I’veactuallytalkedaboutyou

toEstaineandBrooks.Itwasn’tonpurpose.It’sjust...you’remybestfriend.Thankfully,Estainedidn’t
notice,butBrooksaskedmehowIhavestepbrother,withdeadparents.Ihavetocomeupwithsomekind
ofstorynow...”

“Maybeyoushouldjusttellhimthetruth,”Charliesays.
“PrettysurethesecretserviceagentswouldmurdermeifIdid,”Isay,thinkingaboutUncleMattyand

Jake.They’rebothkindofscarydudes.

“Don’ttellthem,”hesays.“Seriously,youneedsomebodyattheschoolyoucantrust.”
“Yeah,maybe,”Isay,trulyconsideringit.“Butnotyet.IhavetowaituntilItrustsomebodyenoughto

tellthem.Imean,itcouldmeanthedifferencebetweenlifeanddeathifthetruthgetsout.”

“Idon’tthinkso,”Charliesays.“You’reasixteenyearoldgirl.Igetthattheterroristskidnappedyou

forafewhours,orwhatever,butit’snotyouthey’reafter.It’syourdad.Ithinkyourparentsjustfreaked
andwentalittleoverboard.”

“Yeah,”Isay.
Tobehonest,Idon’trememberbeingkidnapped.
IfeltsomethinggoovermymouthandIblackedout.WhenIwokeup,Iwasinahospitalbedafew

hourslater.Iguesstheyusedchloroformonme.Butthesecretservicefoundmewithinanhour.Iwas
freakedoutaboutitfor,like,fiveseconds.ButIwasfine.Therereallywasnoneedtosendmeaway.

“Ijustwishtheywould’vesentyouwithme,”Isay.“Youwouldloveithere.”
“I’llkeepworkingonDad.Maybehewillsendme,eventually,”Charliesays.“Untilthen,itsounds

likeyou’redoinggoodwithoutme.You’vemadealotoffriends.Metalotofboys...”

“Theboysare...irrelevant,”Isay.
Helaughs.“Yeah,okay.Whateveryousay,Phoenix.”

“Youfrustrateme.”
“Youloveme,”hesays.
“Ido,”Isay.
“Iloveyou,too.”
“IguessI’dbettergo.I’vegotsoccertryoutstomorrowandIshouldprobablytrytosleepsome,”I

say.

“Okay.Goodnight,Phoenix.”
“Night,Charlie.”

Tuesday,August22

IhopeIdon’tsuck.

Myarmshurt.
Imean,like,ithurtstoliftmyarmsabovemyhead.
UncleMattyandJaketaketrainingveryseriously.AndI’mnotsurethatI’veactuallymadeany

progressjustyet,butIdofeellikeI’montherighttrack.They’regoingtoteachmehowtodefendmyself.
AndmaybeI’llgetfitwhileintheprocess.

Onmyseconddayofschool,whileeatinglunch,Iamapproachedbyamiddleagedwomanwithan

iPadinherhand.

“AreyouPhoenixUnderwood?”thewomanasks.
Ilookupather.“Yeah.Why?”
“I’mMs.Crawford,”shesays.“I’mthecounciloratEastRaven.I’dliketosetupatimetomeetwith

you.”

“Umm...why?”
“Todiscussyourfuture,”shesays.“Also,thedeanandyourunclethoughtitwouldbebeneficial.”
Uh.
No.
Just,no.
“Areyoufreetodayafterschool?”sheasks,touchingherscreen.
“Nope.I’mtryingoutforsoccer,”Ianswer.
“Whatabouttomorrow?”
“ItdependsonifImaketheteam.WepracticeMondaythroughThursday,”Isay.
“Right,”shesays,pursingherlips.“ThenFridayitis.Fouro’clock.Don’tbelate.”
Sheturnsonherheelandwalksoff.
Justgreat.
“Weallhavetogotalktothecouncilor,”Estainetellsme.“Theywantusalltogotoanivyleague

afterwegraduate,becauseitlooksgoodontheschoolifwedo.”

“Oh,IalreadyknowI’mgoingtoBerkeley,”Isay.“It’swheremyparentsmet.”
AndthetruthjustslipsoutbeforeIcanstopit.
Ah,why?
Well,atleastthisisn’tahugesecret.Imean,eventhoughmyparentsaresupposedtobedead,Iwould

stillknowwheretheywenttoschool.

“MyparentswenttoYale,”Estainesays.
“I’llprobablygotoHarvard,”Iansays.“Mydadwentthere.”
“IthinkI’mwithPhoenixonthisone.Berkeleysoundsawesome,”Teagansays.“I’drathergoto

schoolontheWestCoastthantheEastCoast.It’stoocolduphere.”

“You’refromTexas.Youthinkanythingbelowfiftyiscold,”Jasonsays.
“Becauseanythingbelowfiftyiscold,”Teagansays.
“IagreewithTeagan,”Isay.“ButIdon’tthinkI’dsurvivetheTexashumidity.Wedon’thavehumidity

inMalibu.”

“IshouldmovetoMalibu,”Emmasays.“Canyouimaginehavingagoodhairday,everyday?”
“Likeyouhavetoworryaboutfrizzanyway,”Teagansays.
Emmadoeshavegoodhair.

“Dowereallyhaveyoulistentoyouguystalkabouthair?”Jasonasks.“Really.Californiahasmore

toofferthanjustgoodweather.”

“Oh,yeah?Andwhat’sthat?”Teaganasks.
“Girls.Lotsandlotsofhotgirls,”Jasonanswers.
IanandBrycebothhighfivehim,butEmma,TeaganandIallrolloureyes.Doguyseverthinkabout

anythingotherthangirls?

IwatchasJasonshoveshalfatacointohismouth.
Well,Isupposethatgirlsandfoodareallguysthinkabout.
Sogross.
“Ican’tbelievewehavetoputupwiththem,”Teagansays.
“Me,either,”Isay.
“Hey,whataboutme?”Estaineasks.
“You’retheonlyguyatthistablewhoisn’tacompletepig,”Teagansays.
Inodmyheadinagreement.“She’sright.”
“Thanks,”Estainesays,thenlooksatme.“Aren’tsoccertryoutsthisafternoon?”
“Yep,”Ianswer.“I’mexcited.”
“Iwanttocomewatchyoutryout.I’llcheeryouon,”hesays.
“Me,too,”Emmasays.“Soccertryoutshappenrightafterdanceteamtryouts,soI’lljustwalkover

afterwards.”

“Awesome.Thanksguys,”Isay.
Itfeelsgoodtohavefriends.
Now,IjusthopeIreallydon’tsuck.

6pm.

Ahugemistake.

Soccertryoutsareover,butIwon’tknowifImadetheteamuntiltomorrow.Though,Teaganassures

methatImostdefinitelymadetheteam.AndIthinkshe’sright.Ididawesome.

Teaganwasgoingtosomebody’sdormtohangoutuntildinner,soIdecidedtousemyfreetimeto

videochatwithBrooks.Ican’tbelievewe’rebothactuallyfree.Ialsocan’tbelievehownervousIam
whenIhearmycomputerstartringing.

“Hello,”Ianswer.HisscreenisblackasIwaitforthevideofeedtocomethrough.
“Phoenix,hey,”Brookssays,ashisvideoshowsup.Evenonapixelatedscreen,he’sstillgorgeous.

“Howweresoccertryouts?”

“Good,”Ianswer.“Imean,Iwascompletelyawesome.TeaganassuredmethatImadetheteam.”
“She’sthecaptain,right?”heasks.
“Yeah.Andmyroommate,”Ianswer.“Really,she’smybestfriendatEastRaven.Well,herand

Estaine.”

“EstaineRinaldi?”
“Yeah.”IrememberthenegativereactionIgotfromEstainewhenItoldhimIhadtalkedtoBrooks.

“Youknowhim?”

“Yeah,”Brookssays,notatallsoundingthrilled.“HeandIdon’texactlygetalong.”
“Why?”Iask,thenrealizeIprobablysoundrude.Ibacktrack,tryingnottosoundnosey.Eventhough,

Ikindofam.“Ijustmean...Estaineseemstogetalongwitheverybody.”Whichistrue.“He’soneofthe
nicestguyshere.”

“Let’sjustsayhe’snotnicetome,”Brookssays.“So,howisyourfirstweekatEastRavengoing?

AndisitbadthatI’mhopingitsuckssoyoutransfertoWestRaven?”

“Sorrytodisappoint,”Isay,unabletostopsmiling,“butmyfirstweekhasbeenawesomesofar.IfI

hadknownhowawesomeboardingschoolwouldbe,Iwould’veaskedmyparentstosendmesooner.I
justwishCharliewashere.”

“Yourparents?”heasks.“Ithoughtyourparentsaredead.”
“Theyare...”Ipause.Crap.“Imeanmyuncle.”
“Right,”hesays,notlookingentirelyconvinced.“AndCharlieisyourstepbrother?”
Inod,andthentrytochangethesubject.Because,seriously.Ah!WhyamIsobadatlying?
“Charlieistheoutgoingone,”ItellBrooks.“InMalibu,hewastheonewithallthefriendsandIjust

taggedalong.”

“Thatisweird,”Brookssays.“Itseemslikeyouwereadifferentpersonthen.”
“OrmaybepeopleherearedifferentthantheyareinMalibu,”Isay.
“Istillcan’tbelieveyou’veneverhadaboyfriend.”
“Noteven.Mybrotheraskedoneofhisfriendstotakemetohomecominglastyear.Itwasso

embarrassing,”Isay.

AndIcan’tbelieveIjusttoldhimthat.
“I’mpositivetheguydidn’tmindtakingyou,”hesays.“I’mactuallykindofhopingthatwebothhave

homecomingondifferentnightssoIcanaskyou.”

“AmIevenallowedtocome?”Iaskplayfully,thoughmyheartisthumpinghard.“Youknow,with

EastRavenandWestRavenbeingrivals,andall.Ifiguredtheywouldbanmefromcomingoncampus.”

“Nope,”Brookssays.“PeoplefromEastRavenalwayscometoourdancesandstuff.Beingstar

crossedloversisromanticized.”

“Starcrossedlovers?Whatisthis?RomeoandJuliet?”
“Twopeopleinlovewhoareforcedapartbytheirparents.Whodoesn’tloveastoryaboutsomebody

fightingfortheonetheylove?”

“Excepttheydon’tfight.Theydie,”Isay.
“Eh,whatever,”hesays.“MostofthekidsfromWestinvitekidsfromEastsimplytopissofftheir

parents.”

“Isthatwhyyouwanttoaskme?”
“IwanttoaskyoubecauseIlikeyou,”Brookssays.“Andyou’rehot.Alltheguysherewillbe

jealous.Thefactthatitcouldpossiblypissoffmyparentsisjustaverynice,addedbonus.”

Ihighlydoubtotherguyswouldbejealous.
But,thefactthathesaysitgivesmebutterflies.
“Youdon’tgetalongwithyourparents?”Iask.
“Notreally,”heanswers.“Myparentsarevery...traditional.Theycomefromoldmoneyand

sometimesIhatehowsnootytheyare.”

“Mydadwasraisedinalowermiddleclassfamily,”Itellhim.“Mymomwastheonewitharich

family.Ilovehowdifferenttheyare...”Iclearmythroat.“Um,were.Asakid,mymomwouldbetheone
makingmetakelessonsonwhichforktousewithwhichcourseandmydadwouldletmeeatwithmy
fingers.Ilikebothworlds.”

“Thatsoundsamazing,”hesays.
“Itis.Was,”Isay.“Myparentswereawesome.”
“Howdidtheydie?”heasks.
“Aplanecrash.”It’sthestoryIwastoldtogowith...thestorythatmakesthemostsense.
“Butyouhaveastepbrother.Howwereyourparentsontheplaneatthesametime?”Brooksasks.
PanicwashesovermeasIrealizeIhavenocluehowtoanswerthisquestion.Myparentswouldn’tbe

ontheplanetogether,notevennow,unlesstheywerebothwithme.AndIcan’tmysteriouslybetheonly
personwhosurvivedtheplanecrash.

“I’msorry,”hesays.“Ishouldn’task.It’sreallynotmybusinessandIcantellhowhardthisisforyou

totalkabout.”

“It’sokay,”Isay.
“It’sjust...whenwemetyoutoldmeyouwereababywhenyourparentsdied.Ididn’trealizeyou

rememberthem,”hesays.

AndthisiswhyIcan’tlie.I’mreallybadatitandIalwaysseemtogetcaughtupinmylies.Howthe

heckamIsupposedtogetmyselfoutofthissituationnow?ShouldIjusttellhimthetruth?

MaybeIshould.
Justlayitalloutthere.
IhearanoisefromBrooks’computer.
“Oh,hey.Igottogo.Myfriendsarehereandwe’regoingtogoplaysomefootball,”hesays.
“Okay.Havefun,”Isay,wavingatthescreen.
Whenheendsthecall,Iletoutasighofrelief.
Ialmostjusttoldhimthetruth.
AndIcan’thelpbutthinkthatthatwouldhavebeenahugemistake.

8pm.

Irun.

Afterdinner,EmmacomestomydormroomtocomplainaboutBryce,soIleavethem.Iseriously

cannothandleanymoreoftheirdrama.Notknowingwhereelsetogo,Igo,toEstaine’sdormroom.He’s
wantedtohangout,anyway.WhenIwalkinside,I’msurprisedbyhowcleanitis.Iassumedallboys
werelikeCharlie.Ifitwasn’tforourmaid,hisroomwouldbeabiohazardzone.

Iwalkaroundhisroom,inspectingit.Though,thereisn’tmuchtoinspect.Hedoesn’thaveany

picturesup.Hisdeskisperfectlyinorder.Hisbedisevenmade.I’mpositivethatI’veonlymademybed
onetimesincearrivingatEastRaven.

“Whereareyourpictures?”Iask.
“Pictures?”heasks,justwatchingmewalkaround.
“Youknow...ofyourfamilyandyourfriendsbackhome,”Isay.
“Oh.Idon’thaveanypictures,”hesays.“ButIhaveatononline.”
Online.
Sigh.
Imisssocialmedia.
Apparently,whenyou’reinthewitnessprotectionprogram,you’renotallowedtohaveanytypeof

socialmediaaccounts.Imean,myoldaccountsarestillactive,buttheyhaven’tbeenupdatedsinceIgot
kidnapped.

Stupidterrorists.
“Youshouldaddme,”Estainesays,pullingouthisphone.
“Idon’tdosocialmedia,”Isay.
Lie.
Ilovesocialmedia.
“Why?”heasks.“IthoughtgirlslovedInstagram.”
Ilaugh.

Okay,IreallydoloveInstagram.Buthecan’tknowthat.
“IguessIdon’twanttobeoneofthosepeoplewhoareconstantlyontheirphone,”Isay,whichisn’ta

lie.Evenbeforeallthishappened,Itriedtolimitmyphonetime.“Talkingtopeopleinreallifeisso
muchmorefun.”

“Validpoint,”hesays.
“Plus,Idon’twanteverybodyknowingallofmybusiness,”Isay.
“Youareaprettyprivateperson,”Estainesays.“AllIknowaboutyouisthatyoulivewithyour

uncle,yourparentsaredeadandyouhaveastepbrother.Oh,andyou’refromMalibu,butliveinNew
YorkCitynow.”

“That’sprettymuchallthereis,”Isay.
“Therehastobemore.Iknowthereismore.Youfascinateme,andI’dliketoknowmore.”
“Well,Ilikesoccer,”Isay.“AndItotallykickedbuttatthetryouts.”
“Youreallydid,”hesays.“Iwasimpressed.”
“Icanalsosurf.Kindof,”Itellhim.“I’mnotverygood,butit’sstillfun.MystepbrotherCharlie

taughtmehow.Heandhisfriendssurfeverymorning.”

“Iamaterriblesurfer,”Estaineadmits.“LasttimeIactuallyrodeawave,Iendedupwithamouth

fullofsand.”

Ilaugh.“NowIwanttogosurfingwithyou.”
“CometoTheHamptonswithmeforLaborDayWeekend,”hesays.“Myparentshaveahugebeach

housethattheyrarelyuse.Ialwaysbringabunchoffriendswithme.Itwouldbealotoffun.Youcan
givemesomesurfingpointers.”

Yeah,asfunasthatsounds,Iknowthatthesecretservicewon’tletmego.
“I’llprobablyjuststayoncampus.UncleMattyiskindofstrict,”Isay.
“Icantalktohim.”
“Itdoesn’tmatter,”Isay.“He’llsaynorightoff.”
“Thatsucks,”hesays.
“Whataboutyourparents?”Iask.“Aretheyoverprotective?”
“No,definitelynot,”Estainesays.“IdidjusttellyouIinviteabunchofteenagersovertostayatThe

Hamptons,right?Myparentsdon’tgiveacrapwhatIdo.AslongasImakegoodgradesanddon’t
embarrassthematsocialgatherings,theyleavemealone.”

That’sincrediblysad.
Myparentsaren’tstrictoranything,buttheydoloveme.Theymaketimetohangoutwithme.Even

mydad,whoisalwayssuperbusy.Ilovehimforit.Ican’timaginehavingparentswhoignoreme.

“Whatelsedoyouliketodo?”Estaineasks,changingthesubjectawayfromhimself.
Huh.
Guesshe’snottheonlyonewhodoesn’tliketalkingabouthimself.Though,Ihaveagoodreason.Iam

havingproblemslyingaboutmyidentity.AndIkeeplettingthingsslip.Eventually,theliesaregoingto
catchbackupwithme.LiketheyalmostdidwithBrooks,earlier.

“I’mlearningMMA,”Isay.
“MMA?”
“Mixedmartialarts,”Ianswer.
“Right.Iknewthat,”hesays.“That’sprettycool.Whyareyoudoingthat?”
Becausemysecretservicebodyguardsareforcingme.“IguessIjustwanttoknowhowtodefend

myself,”Isay.“Inacoupleofyears,I’llbegoingtocollege.EventhoughI’llhaveCharliearound,Iknow
hecan’talwaysbetheretodefendmyhonor.So,I’lljusthavetodefenditmyself.”

Thefactthatmyarmsaregoingtobetonedforthefirsttimeeverisjustanaddedbonus.Charliewill

beproudwhenIgobackhomeandhedoesn’thavetoopenjarsformeanymore.

“That’ssmart,”Estainesays.“Howoldisyourbrother?”
“He’sthreemonthsolder,”Ianswer.
“Whyisn’theheretoo?”
“Becausehedidn’tgetkickedoutofschool.Idid.Thisismypunishment,orwhatever,”Isay.“Not

reallythatmuchofapunishment.Ikindoflikeithere.Charlie’sprettymuchtryingtofindawaytogetin
troublesohecancometoo,butIhighlydoubtit’sgoingtowork.Hisdadcangethimoutofanything...”

“Hisdad?”Estaineasks.
“Um,yeah.Hisdadwasmarriedtomymom,”Isay.
“Wait,sohowdidbothofyourparentsdie?”
“Planecrash,”Ianswer.
“Okay.Soyourparentswereonaplanetogether?”heasks.
“Um...”
Youknow,onethingIalwayslikedaboutmyselfwasthefactthatIalwaystellthetruth.OrItryto.I

hatelying.I’mterribleatit.Butrightnow,Ineedtobeagoodliar.Ineedtocomeupwithastorythatis
believable.ButIcan’t.

Myphonestartsringing,whichprettymuchgivesmetheperfectexcusetoavoid.Ipulloutmyphone

andseethenameDadwithhisfaceflashacrossmyphonescreen.

“Ishouldtakethis,”ItellEstaine.
Buthe’slookingatmyscreen.Andhe’sprobablythinkingabouthowmydaddefinitelyisn’tdead.

AndprobablythatIlookalotlikemydad,becauseIdo.

So,Idowhatanynormalpersonwoulddo.
Irun.

9pm.

Therestishistory.

“Hey,Dad,”Ianswer,soundingveryoutofbreath.Butit’snotfromtherunningIjustdid.Nope.It’s

fromthefactthatInowhavetothinkofoneepiclietogetmyselfoutofthemessthatIjustgotmyselfinto.
Ican’texactlytellUncleMattyandJake.IfIdid,I’mprettysureifIdid,I’dhaveaonewayticketstraight
outofMassachusetts.

“Hey,pumpkin,”Dadsays.“You’reonspeakerwithmeandNora.”
“Hey,Nora,”Isay,thenadd,“Hi,littlebrotherorsister.”Ilookatthedateonmyphone.“Wait,

wasn’tyourappointmenttoday?Tofindoutthegender.”

Because,seriously.IseeallthesecutebabyclothesandIneedtoknowifit’saboyoragirl.Iam

goingtospoilmylittlebrotherorsister.

“Itwas,”Noraanswers.“Butthebabyrefusedtochangepositions.Sowestilldon’tknowifwe’re

havingaheorshe.”

“Darn,”Isay.“Soundslikethebabyisgoingtobestubborn.”
“Likehisoldersister,”Dadsays.
“Wedon’tknowthebabyisahim,”Norasays.“Youcouldbecallingourdaughterahim,rightnow.”
Ijustlaugh.
DadandNorahavehadthisargumentsinceshefirstfoundoutshewaspregnant.Norathinksit’sa

girl,Dadthinksit’saboy.Me,Ihavenoidea.IjustknowthatI’mexcitedforJanuarysoIcanmeetthe
baby.IhopeallofthisterroristnonsenseisbehindussoIactuallycanbethereforthebaby’sbirth.I
wouldneverwanttodoanythingtoputmysiblinginjeopardy.

“Theyalsosaidtheywereacoupleofdaysoffonmyduedate,”Norasays.“Lookslikeshewillbe

makingherarrivalonJanuaryfirst.Hopefully.IreallyhopeIdon’tgoovermyduedate.”

“Aw,she’sgonnabeaNewYear’sbaby,”Isay.
Dadgroans.“Nowyou’vegotPhoenixcallingthebabyagirl.”
“Haveyouguyspickedoutanynamesyet?”Iask.
“Notyet,”Noraanswers.“YourfatherandIcan’tseemtoagreeonanynames.”
“Youhavetonamethebabysomethingunique,”Isay.“ThereisaboyatmyschoolnamedEstaine.

Howcoolisthat?AndIlovemyname.”

“Estaine.Ilikeit,”Norasays.
“Oh,soyou’refinallyagreeingit’saboy,”Dadsays.“AndI’mnotnamingmyboyEstaine.Thatjust

makeshimsoundlikeaprissyrichkid.”

“Actually,Estaineatmyschoolissonotprissy,”Isay.“Though,he’sdefinitelyrich.Hisnameis,

seriously,EstaineRinaldi.”

“Uh,”Norasays.
“Buthe’smyfriend.He’skindofawesome,”Isay.
“Justfriends,though.Right?”Dadasks.
“It’sokayifhe’smorethanafriend,”Norasays.“You’resixteennow.IwassixteenwhenIhadmy

firstseriousboyfriend.Idatedaguyfrommyjunioryearofhighschoolupuntilmyjunioryearof
college.”

“Why’dyoubreakup?”Iask.
“Igotthechancetostudyabroad.InRome,”shesays.“Ithoughtaboutturningitdown,butIrealizedI

wantedtogotoRomemorethanIwantedtobewiththeguy.Ibrokethingsoffandknewifweweremeant
tobe,somedaywe’dgetbacktogether.Ayearlater,whenIcameback,hewasengagedtoanothergirl.
AndthenImetyourfather.Therestishistory.”

Noraisonlytwenty-fiveandmyfatheristhirty-seven,butIthinkthey’reperfectforeachother.My

dadwasprettyunhappybeforehemetNora.Imean,healwaysputonabravefaceforme,butwhenhe
mether,hislifechanged.Andnowhe’sstartingafamilywithNora,andit’sperfect.ThebestpartisIget
tobeintheirfamily,too.IloveNoraandIknowshefeelsthesameaboutme.

“That’ssoromantic,”ItellNora,lettingoutagirlysigh.“Itwouldbenicetohaveaboyfriendinhigh

school.Like,somebodytogotohomecomingandpromwith.Speakingof,Imetthisguy.”

“Tellmemore,”shesays.
“Howdidyoualreadymeetaguy?You’vebeentherefourdays.Whatkindofschooldidwesendyou

too?”

Ilaugh.“HisnameisBrooks.Hedoesn’tactuallygotoEastRaven.HegoestoWestRaven.Whichis

ourrivalschool.So,like,I’vebeenhidingfrommyfriendsthefactthatI’mtalkingtohim.But.Oh.My.
Gosh.Heissohot.Like...hisfacebelongsonabillboardhot.”

Iwouldsayhisbodybelongsonone,too,butI’mprettysurethatwouldfreakmydadout.
“Sendmeapicture,”Norasays.
“Okay,”Isay,puttingmyphoneonspeaker.IsendhertheselfiehetookthenightImethim.
Afewsecondslater,Ihearherphonegooff.
“Wow.He’scute,”Norasays.
“Letmesee,”mydadsays,thengrunts.“Helookstoooldforyou.”
“He’sajunior.Whichmeanshe’smyage,”Isay.“AndI’msurehecomesfromarespectablefamily.”
“Uhhuh,”Dadsays,notconvinced.“Ineedhisfirstandlastname.I’mgoingtodoabackground

checkonhimandhisfamily.”

“Dad...”Igroan.
“What?I’vegottomakesurethey’renotDemocrats,”hesays.

Ilaugh.“Dad,yousentmetoschoolinMassachusetts.I’mprettysurethateverybodyhereis

Democrat.”

Dadissilentforamoment,probablyreconsideringhisdecision.Afewdaysago,Imighthaveused

thistomyadvantage,andconvincedhimsendmetoschoolsomewhereinawarmerclimate,butnowthat
I’vestartedmakingfriends,Idon’twanttoleave.

“Itdoesn’tmatterifthey’redemocratorrepublican,”Norasays.“YourfatherandIwillbenicetothe

boyeitherway.Promise.”

“Thanks,”Isay,imaginingthatNoraisgivingmydadasternlook.She’sahopelessromanticandhas

beenwaitingalongtimeformetofinallybeinterestedinaguy.Correction—areallifeguy.I’vehadlots
ofTVormoviecrushesonfictionalcharacters,butneveronaguyinreallife.

“I’mproudforyou,Phoenix,”Norasays.
“Thanks,”Isayagain.“So,I’dbettergetoffhere.Curfewisatten,soIneedtogetbacktomydorm.”
“Goodnight,”Dadsays.“Weloveyou.”
“Loveyouguys,too.”
WhenIhangupthephone,IhaveonesimpletextfromEstaine.

ESTAINE:Weneedtotalk.

No.
No,wedon’t.
Iignorethetextandfinishwalkingtomydorm.

Wednesday,August23

Easiersaid…

Forbreakfastthenextmorning,Igosuperearly,grabfoodandeatitinmydormroom.Thereis

absolutelynowaythatIcanfaceEstaineafterlastnight.HemostlikelythinksthatI’mapathologicalliar.
IhavenoideawhatI’mgoingtosaytohim.Unfortunately,lunchisacompletelydifferentstory,andthe
onlyopenspotatthetablewhenIgetthere,istheonerightbesidehim.

Seriously?
Ilookatthetableforasecondortwo,debatingmyoptions.
ShouldIrunaway?
ButTeaganspotsmeandwavesmeover.Itakeadeepbreathandjustsuckitup.I’mgoingtosit

there.

AndIlookateverybodyatthetablebesideshim.
IrealizethatIambeingcompletelyimmatureandirrational,butIdon’tknowwhatelsetodo.Avoid.

Ignore.Andhopethateventuallyhewilljustforgetthatheeversawwhathedid.

Or,Icantellhimthetruth.
No.Ishouldn’t.IfIdid,itcouldputhimindanger.That’sthelastthingIwant.
Myphonevibratesinmypocket.WhenIpullitout,I’mextracareful,justincaseit’satextfrommy

momordad.It’snot.

UNCLEMATTY:Ineedyoutocometothehouserightaway.Theschoolisalreadyaware.It’s

urgent.

Myheartpoundshardagainstmychestaspurefearrushesthroughmyveinswitheachthrob.Myface

iswarmandIamfreakingout.Whatiftheterroristsfoundme?Whatifthey’reoncampus?

No.Iftheywereoncampus,UncleMattyandJakewould’vecometome.Butwhateveritis,it’snot

good.

IhopeDad,Nora,andthebabyareokay.
Iquicklystandupfromthetable.“I...uh...gottago.Familyemergency.”
Alameexcuse,butit’stheonlythingthatIcancomeupwithatthatexactmoment.Ileavemy

untouchedfoodonthetableandrunoutofthedininghall.

IdebaterunningstraighttoUncleMatty’shouse,butit’soveramileaway.Instead,Iruntowardsthe

girl’sdormandgetmycar,thankfulthatIhavemykeysinmypocket.

Beforewecame,mycarwasdelivered.UncleMattyandJakeseemedtothinkitwouldbeforthebest

ifIhadaget-awayoptionincasethingswentsouth.Ihavequiteafewoptions,butmycaristhebestbet.
Theyaskedmetobringmykeyswithmeeverysingleday.Ihaveeveryday,butIalmostdidn’ttoday.I
feelsafe.But,nowIseethatIshouldalwayskeepmykeyswithme.Always.Becausenomatterhowsafe
Ifeel,I’mnot.Never.

WillIeverbesafeagain?
Idon’tlingeronthethoughttoomuch,asIthrowopenmycardoorandputthekeysintheignition.I

barelyshutthedoorbeforeIamtakingoff,suddenlygladIwentforasportscarinsteadoftheRange
RoverIinitiallywanted.Itakeofffast,shiftingthroughthegears.I’mgratefulforthemanyhoursthat
Charliespentteachingmehowtodriveastickshift.AllthehoursIsatinhorribleLAtraffic,allthetimes
Ikilledtheengineinthestopandgotraffic...haspaidoff.Iwillhavetothankhimlater.

Aminutelater,IamattheirhouseinthemiddleofthewoodsandIamrunninginside.AssoonasIget

inthere,Inearlycollapseonthefloor.

“IsitDad?OrNora?”Iask.“Thebaby?”
“Yourfamilyissafe,”Jakeanswers.
Withhisstatement,Irelax.Butonlyalittle.“Whataboutme?AmIsafe?”
“You’reneverfullysafe,”UncleMattysays.“Butfornow,you’reassafeasyoucanbe.”
Withhisadmission,Iallowmyselftocollapseontothecouch.
“ThankGod.”
“Somethinghappened,”Jakesays.
Hiswordscausemetostiffen.
Somethinghappened.
“What?”Iask.
“Firstofall,youshouldknowthatit’snotyourfault,”Jakesays,takingaseatbesideme.UncleMatty

takesaseatbyJake.

Idon’tlikethathe’ssayingthesewords.
ShortlyafterIwaskidnapped,awhilebeforecomingtoEastRavenAcademy,agirlIwenttoschool

withwasmurderedbythesamegroupwhokidnappedme.Thegirlwasn’tmyfriend,butshewasthe
closestthingIhadinMalibu.Shewasshyandnerdy,soanytimewehadtopartnerupinclass,Iwould
workwithher.Iguesstheyassumedthatshewasmyfriendbecauseshehadcometomyhousetoworkon
anassignment.Theymurderedher.Ifeltlikeitwasmyfault.Thathappenedattheendoftheschoolyear
lastyear,andthatwaswhytheydecideditwasinmybestinteresttogointohiding.

“Who?”Iask.
“Nobodyyouknow,”UncleMattyanswers.
“Whathappened?”
“WhenwebroughtyoutoEastRavenAcademy,weleftafewfalsetrails.Oneofthetrailsledtoa

highschoolinEastTexas,”Jakesays.“Earliertoday,thoseterroristsbrokeintotheofficeofthatschool.
Theyshotthreepeople.Theprincipalandtwostudents.Theyransackedtheoffice,buttheyfoundnothing.
Theygotaway.Thepolicearelookingforthem...but...”

They’reprofessionals.Highlytrained.IftrainedCIAagentscan’tfindthem,obviouslyabunchof

localcopscan’t.

“Aretheyalldead?”Iask,swallowingthelumpinmythroat.
“No.Theprincipalandonestudentis,”Jakeanswers.“Buttheotherstudentisalive.”
“Isthealiveonegoingtobeokay?”Iask,hopebubblingup.Ihatethattheothertwoaredead,but

maybe,justmaybe,thethirdvictimwillsurvive.

“She’sincriticalcondition,sowedon’tknowyet,”UncleMattysays.
Isitbackagainstthecouch,tryingnottocry.IlookatUncleMattyandJakethroughblurry,tearfilled

eyes.

“Tellmeaboutthem,”Isay.“Theprincipal,washemarried?Doeshehavekids?Howoldwerethe

students?”

BecauseIneedtoknow.Iwanttohearthattheprincipalwasold.Thathelivedaloneandleftnobody

behind.Notthatitmakeshisdeathanyless,butIwouldliketoknowthathedoesn’thaveafamilyleft
behindtomournhim.

“Theprincipalwasthirtyseven.Hewasmarriedwithtwokids,andathirdontheway,”Jaketells

me.“Thestudentwhodiedwasfifteen.HewasastraightAstudentandanonlychild.Andthestudent
fightingforherlifeissixteen.Shewasdatingtheotherboy,andtheywereintheprincipal’soffice
becausetheywerecaughtkissinginthehallway.Shehasoneolderbrotherandtwoyoungersisters.”

Inoticehedoesn’ttellmetheirnames,andforthatIamgrateful.Somehow,hearingtheirnamesmakes

itfeelmorereal.Ifeelguiltyenoughalready.Ifitwasn’tforme,theywouldallbeokay.Theday
would’vebeennormal.Thetwokidsmighthavegottenafter-schooldetention,butthey’dbehealthyand
alive,andIwantthatforthem.

“WhatamIsupposedtotellmyfriends?”Iwipeatmyface.“IjusttoldthemIhadafamilyemergency

andranoutofthereasfastasIcould.”

“Why’dyoudothat?”UncleMattyasks,obviouslyannoyed.
“BecauseIwasworriedthatsomethingbadhadhappenedtomyfamily,”Isay.“ItwastheonlythingI

couldcomeupwithonshortnotice.”

“Fine.Okay,”hesays,lettingoutabreath.
“Tellthemyourfavoritecousin,Jake,wasinacaraccident,”Jakesays.“I’mfine,ofcourse.Justa

fewcutsandbruises.”

“Okay,”Isay,nodding.“Icandothat.”
“Takesometimeandgetyourselfbacktogether,”Jakesays.“Youcanskiptherestofthedayifyou

needto.”

Inod.“Iknow.ButIwanttogetbackandseeifImadethesoccerteam.”Icringe.“Thosepeopledied

becauseofmeandI’mworriedaboutmakingthestupidsoccerteam.What’swrongwithme?”

“It’snotyourfault,”Jakesays.“Andyou’redoingexactlywhatyou’resupposedtodo.You’resixteen

andyourlifewasturnedupsidedown.You’restartingoveranddoingthebestyoucan.Don’tbesohard
onyourself.”

Easiersaid...

5pm.

Mylittlesecret.

Idoskipmyclassesfortherestoftheday,butshowupforsoccer.IfindoutthatImadetheAsoccer

team,whichisawesome.I’msuperexcitedtobedoingsomethingthatwillhelpmegetmymindoff...
everything.

AfterI’mallshoweredafterpractice,IgetatextfromBrooks,whichmakesmesmile.Wehaven’t

talkedalottoday.I’vejustbeensostressedthatIhaven’tfeltliketalkingtoanybody.

BROOKS:

Hi.

Whydoesthisonewordtextmakemesmilesobig?Idon’tknow.IlikehimwaymorethanIshould.

ME:Hi.Soguesswhat?

BROOKS:You’retransferringtoWestRaven???

ME:No.ButIdidmakethesoccerteam.TheAteam.

BROOKS:Awesome.Iwillbeatyourfirstgame.

ME:REALLY??:)

BROOKS:Yep.BecauseyourfirstgameisagainstWestRaven.You’llbeatmyschool.(Whereyou

ACTUALLYbelong).

Ilaugh,lovingthatBrookswishesIwasathisschool.BecauseIwishthesamethingabouthim.IfI’d

methimbeforeImetallmyfriends,Iwould’verequestedachangeofschoolsbeforeIeverevenarrived.

ME:That’sawesome.Doyouthinkwewillbeabletotalk?

BROOKS:Absolutely.It’simpossibletoseeyouandnotwanttotalktoyou.WhichiswhyIrisked

gettingcaughttomeetyou.Itwasworthit.

IletoutagirlysighasIreadthetext.

ME:I’mgladyoudid.

BROOKS:I’mbeginningtothinkyoulikeme.

ME:Maybe.

BROOKS:Maybe,huh?Well...Ikindoflikeyou.

IletoutagirlysquealandI’msuddenlygladthatTeaganisstillintheshower,because,wow.How

embarrassing.

Myphonevibratesagain.

ESTAINE:Howlongareyougoingtoavoidme?

Alongtime.
Seriously.
IignorehimandreplytoBrooks.

ME:Imightkindoflikeyoutoo.Alittlebit.

Oralot.
Definitelyalot.

BROOKS:WillyouhangoutwithmeSaturday?Iwanttospendthedaywithyou.

Hewantstohangout.
Hangout,likeadate?

ME:YES.
ME:Iactuallydidn’tmeantosendallcaps.
ME:Okay,Ilied.Ididmeantosendallcaps.ButIdon’twantyoutothinkI’mtooexcited.

BROOKS:LOL.It’sokay.I’mexcitedtoo.
BROOKS:Like,definitelymoreexcitedthanIshouldbe.

ME:Good.

Isetmyphonedown,smilingattheconversationwithBrooks.
I’mprettysureIhaveadateonSaturday.
“Ah,crap,”Isayoutloud.
ThereisnowaythatUncleMattyandJakearegoingtoletmeoffcampusonSaturday.Like,no

freakingway.TheonlywayIcouldgooffcampusisifIwasdyingandneededtogotothehospital,and
eventhen,Iwouldn’tbesurprisediftheybroughtasurgeononcampustotakecareofme.

Okay,sotodayisnotagooddaytoask.Obviously,withtheattackinTexas,theywouldsaynoright

off.But,IhaveuntilSaturdaytogetpermission.TheremustbesomewaythatIcouldgetthemtoagree.

ThebathroomdooropensupandTeaganwalksoutinapairofsweatpantsandanoldconcertt-shirt.

Herhairisupinatowel,andI’mnotatallsurprisedthatshestilllookspretty,eveninoldclothes.

MyphonevibratesagainandIlookatthescreen.

BROOKS:So,ImighthavetakenanastyhitduringfootballpracticebecauseIwasthinkingabout

you.

Thewordsmakemesmilebig.
“AreyoutextingEstaine?”Teaganasks.
Iputmyphonedownwithoutresponding.“Why?”
“You’resmiling.IthinkEstainelikesyou.Maybeyoulikehimtoo.Youtwowerebothactingweird

duringlunch,”shesays.“Ijustfiguredmaybeyoutwokissedorsomethinganditwasawkward.”

“No.Nokissing,”Isay,butsitup.Teaganprobablyhasalotofexperiencewithguys.“So…what

doesitmeanifaguytellsyouthathelikesyouandthathewantstohangout?”

“Um...thathelikesyouandwantstohangout,”shesays,asshestartstocombthroughherlong,

blondehair.

“Imean,Idon’twanttoreadtoomuchintoit,”Isay.“Like,whatifIlikethisguywaymorethanhe

likesme?”

“Thatisjustariskyouhavetotake,”shesays,pausinginherhairbrushing.Sheholdsherhandson

herlap.“Loveis...excitingandfun.Butit’salsounpredictable.Sometimes,yougetyourheartbroken.
Othertimes,youdotheheartbreaking.We’reyoungandwehaveplentyoftimetofindPrinceCharming.
Untilthen,weshouldenjoykissingfrogs.”

“Yeah,Iguess,”Isay,lyingbackagainstmypillow.
“IsEstainewhoyou’rehangingoutwith?”Teaganasks.
“No.I’mavoidinghim,”Isay.
“Thenwhoisit?”sheasks.
“I’mnotreadytotellyou,yet,”Isay,grinningcrypticallyather.
“Uh,”shesays.“Phoenix,youaregoingtodrivemecrazy.”
“AndIamgoingtoenjoyeverysecondofit,”Isay.
Shethrowsapillowatme,butmissesbyafewfeet.Ijustlaugh,thinkingthatIcouldn’thavebeen

roomedwithanybodybetterthanTeagan.

“Whataboutyou?”Iask.“You’venevertoldmewhothismysteriousguyisthatyou’vebeencrushing

on.”

“Okay,Iseeyourpoint,”shesays.“ButthisguyI’mcrushingondoesn’tevenknowIexist.Theguy

you’recrushingonbasicallyaskedyouonadate.IftheguyIlikedaskedmeonadate,Iwouldbe
shoutingitfromtherooftops.”

Shewouldn’tifhewenttoWestRavenAcademy.WhichBrooksdefinitelydoes,so...fornow,it’smy

littlesecret.

Thursday,August24

I’mnotokay.

AtlunchonThursday,IsitdownataspotontheoppositesideofEstaine.
I’mnotsurewhatisworse,sittingbesidehimordirectlyinfrontofhim.Atleast,whenIsatbeside

himIcouldavoidlookingathim.Now,he’srightinfrontofmyface,andhe’slookingatme.Ican’thelp
butfeelextremelyguiltywhenIseehim.

“Hey,Phoenix,”Estainesaystome.
“Hey,”Isay,notlookinghimdirectlyintheeye.Instead,Ifocusonhishair,lovinghowcurlyhisdark

hairis.

Estaineisaveryattractiveguy.Idon’tunderstandwhyhedoesn’thaveagirlfriend.It’snotthatgirls

heredon’tlikehim,Iknowtheydo.Girlsalwaystrytoflirtwithhim,buthejustdoesn’tseemtocare,
whichonlymakesthemtryharder.

Iwonderabouthispastgirlfriends.Hetalkedaboutonegirlhedated,whonolongergoeshere,but

thatwastwoyearsago.WhoelsehashedatedatEastRaven?Whatishistype?

WhydoIevencare?
“Canwetalk?”heasks.“Afterschool?”
“I’vegotsoccerpractice,”Isay,thankfulforanexcuse.
“Ihavefootballpractice,”hesays.“Imeantafterthat.”
“Maybe,”Isay.“Ihavetocallmyuncle.”
Actually,I’llprobablytalktoJake,notUncleMatty.AndI’llgoinperson.Thatway,ifJakesaysno,I

canstartcrying.Hewillfeelbadandhe’llhavetoletmego.Atleast,Ihopethat’sthecase.

Teagan,whoistalkingtoEmma,turnstolookatme.Sheprobablyislisteningtoourconversation,but

Iignoreherwatchfulglance.

“Afterthat,”Estainesays.
Iamoutofexcuses.
Crap.
“Okay,”Isay,noddingonce.“I’llcometoyourdormafterdinner.”
Still,Iwilltrytofindawayoutofit.
“Soundsgood,”Estainesays,smilingatme.“So,howisyourcousin?”
Atfirst,I’mconfused.Ihopeitdoesn’tshowonmyface,butEstaineisobservant.Itwouldn’t

surprisemeifhe’dcaughtmeinyetanotherlie.

“Jakeisgood,”Ianswer.“Alittlesore,buthe’sgoingtobefine.”
“That’sgood,”Estainesays,nevertakinghiseyesoffme.“Youwereprettyfreakedoutyesterday.”
“Well,Ididn’tknoweverythingwasokayyesterday,whenIgotthattextfrommyuncle,”Isay.
“Yeah,”hesays,stillwatchingme.
Hedoesn’ttrustme.
Idon’tblamehim,becauseIwouldn’ttrustmeifIwerehim.
EstainethinksI’maliar.
He’sright.
Ihatethathe’sright.
Beforecominghere,Ihardlyeverlied.IwouldsaythatIneverlied,buttherewereoccasionsthatI

lied.Like,whenmymomaskedmeifherhipslookedbiginthatonepencilskirt.Theydidlookbig,butI
couldn’ttellmymomthat.IstillcringewhenIseeherwearingthatuglyskirt.Ishouldburnit.

Butnow,Iamaliar.Apathologicalliar.AndIknowthatIhavetolie.IknowIshouldn’tfeelguilty.

ButIdo.Isodo.Ipushawaymyfood,notabletoeatanotherbite.Mystomachissofullofguiltand
miserythatthereisnoroomforthesedelicioustacos.

“Youokay?”Estaineasks.
Inod.Once.It’sanotherlie.I’mnotokay.
WhenIwaskidnapped,itdidn’taffectme.Imean,itscaredme,butmylifewasprettymuchthesame,

asidefromtheaddedbodyguards.Butthenthegirlfrommyschooldied.Anditupsetme.WhenIcame
here,Ididn’twanttocome,butIrealizeditwasafreshstart.Iwasexcitedaboutthefreshstart.Ithought
theterroristswouldeventuallyforgetaboutme.ButafterwhathappenedinTexas,Iamabitshakenup.
Whatiftheydocomeaftermehere?Whatiftheysomehowfindme?Andmyfriends.

Theterroristaren’tjustafterme.They’reaftermydadandstepmom,too.Theyhavetakenalotof

precautionsfortheirsafety.IwishIcouldbetherewiththem,butIunderstandwhyIcan’t.Mydadis
worriedaboutmeandhewantsmetobesomewheresafeincasetheterroristsdomanagetogettohim.

“DidyouguyshearthataterroristgroupattackedaschoolinTexasyesterday?”Teaganasks.
Inod,butnobodyelseseemstohaveheard.
“Whathappened?”Emmaasks.
“Apparentlytheybrokeintotheschoolandkilledtheprincipalandonestudent.Theyshotanotherkid,

butIthinktheysaidshe’sgoingtolive,”Teagansays.“Itwasataschoolnottoofarfromwheremy
parentslive,andeverybodyisreallyupsetaboutit.Theyhaven’tcaughttheguyswhodidit,andthey
don’tevenknowwhytheydidit.Therewasn’tamotive.Apparentlythereweresomefilesransacked,but
thatwasit.”

“Weird,”Estainesays.
“Totally,”Emmaagrees.
Iwanttotellthemit’smyfault.
ButIcan’t.
Instead,Igetupfromthetableandwalkoutofthedininghallwithoutanotherword.Iignoremy

friendsastheycallafterme.OnceIamoutside,Iruntomydormroomandspendtherestoftheafternoon
crying.

4pm.

Ican’ttakeanymorecryingtoday.

Iskipsoccerpractice.IknowthatIshouldn’t,Ijustcan’tfaceeverybodyrightnow.WhatTeaganwas

sayinginthelunchroomjustmadeitallmore...real.Itwaslikebothofmyworldscollidedintheworst
possibleway.

Well,Iguessnottheworstway.Theworstwaywouldbeterroristsfindingmeandshootingallofmy

newfriends.Still,Iwantedmyworldstostaycompletelydifferent,andnowIrealizethatitisn’t
possible.Theguiltoflyingiseatingmeinside,andIhateit.

Notwantingtosulkanymore,IdrivetoUncleMattyandJake’shouse.Ihavetoaskthemabout

Saturday,andIknowit’llbebetterinperson.IimaginethatIwillhavetodoalotofbegging.

Also,IkindofwanttoavoidEstaine.IfiguremaybeIcan’thangoutwiththemuntillater.It’sagreat

plan,ifIdosayso.Eventhoughhewillmostlikelyseerightthroughit.

Eventually,IwillhavetotalktoEstaine.Butnottoday.Definitelynottoday.
WhenIpulluptothehouse,Jakeisinthefrontyard,washinghiscar.
Oh,thankgoodness.MaybeIcanavoidUncleMatty.

“Hey,Jake,”Isay.
“Everythingokay?”heasksme.
“Yeah.Ijust...needtotalk.”
“Oh,okay,”hesays,lettingoutabreath.
Heputsdownthewaterhoseandgoestositonthestepsoftheporch.Isitbesidehim.
“So,what’sthisabout?”Jakeasks.“Youlooknervous.”
Ilooknervous?
Ilookdownatmyhandsandseemyfingersintertwined.WhenI’mnervous,Iplaywithmyhands.
“Thethingis...”Iclearmythroat.Nope.Ican’taskrightoffthebat.I’vegottowarmupfirst.“Doyou

rememberbeingateenager?”

Helaughs.“I’mnotthatold,Phoenix.”
“Right,”Isay.
Ah,crud.NowI’veinsultedhimbycallinghimold.
“Ijustmean...um...didyouhaveagirlthatyoulikedwhenyouwereateenager?”Iask.
“Ofcourse.Lotsofthem.”Hepauses.“Whydoyouask?”
“Ikindoflikethisboy,andIthinkhelikesme,”Isay.“Imean,I’mprettysurehedoes.Hetextsme

allthetimeandtellsmehowbeautifulIam.AndhewantstohangoutwithmeonSaturday.”

“I’ddefinitelysayhelikesyou,”Jakesays.“Boysdon’tcallgirlsbeautifulunlesstheymeanit...or...”

Helooksatme,hiseyeswide.“Youknow,youshouldbecareful.You’reyoung.Youdon’tneedtodate
rightnow.”

Myfacegrowswarm.
I’mprettysureIknowwhathe’sinsinuating.
“Brooksisn’tlikethat,”Isay.
“Wait,you’regoingtohangoutwiththekidfromWestRaven?”Jakeasks.
“IfIgetpermissiontoleavecampus,”Isay.
“No.Absolutelynot.Outofthequestion,”hesays.
“Comeon,”Isay.“Youjustsaidyouweren’tthatold.Whichmeansyourememberwhatit’sliketobe

youngandhaveasuper,massivecrushonsomebody.Please,Jake.Please,please,please.”

“No,”hesays.“It’snothappening.”
“IfIdon’tgetpermission,thenIwilljustsneakoffcampus,”Isay,stubbornly.
“NotifIhandcuffyouandforceyoutospendthedaywithme,”Jakesays.
“Iswear,Iwillrunaway,”Isay.
“No,Phoenix.”
“Please,”Isay.“Can’tyoujustcomeandwatchfromadistance?”
“Absolutelynot,Phoenix.Doyounotrememberwhathappenedyesterday?Theseterroristsare

serious,”hesays.“AndI’mnotlettingyouputyourlifeindangerforahighschoolcrush.It’snotworthit,
trustme.”

“Therehastobeaway,”Isay,standingupfromthesteps.Ibegintopacebackandforth.“Youguys

toldmewhenIcameherethatIneededtostartanewlife.Ididn’twantto.ButnowIhaveandyouwon’t
evenletmelivethatlife.WhatisalifewhereI’mconstantlyinfear?WhatdifferencedoesitmakeifI’m
oncampus,oroutwithaguy?YouandUncleMattycanwatchfromadistance,orwhatever.I’llbesafe.I
knowIwill.Just,please,don’taskmetocancelthisdate.Ireallylikethisguy.”

“Phoenix...”
Whenhesaysmyname,Icanfeelallhopestarttodwindle,andmyeyesfillwithtears.
“I’mgoingtobestuckhereforever,aren’tI?”Iask.
Jakestandsupandwalksovertome.“Maybewecouldfindawayforyoutogooutwiththisboy.”
“Really?”Iask,lookingupathimthroughmytearfilledeyes.

“Yes,justpleasestopcrying,”hesays.“Betweenyouandmyfouryearolddaughter...IswearIcan’t

takeanymorecryingtoday.”

“Whyisshecrying?”Iask.
Jakelooksdownathisfeet,nowavoidingeyecontact.“Shemissesme.”
Ifrown.
HereIamcryingbecauseIcan’tgooutonadatewithaguy...HowselfishamI?I’mnottheonly

personwhohashadtosacrifice.JakeandUncleMattyarebothsacrificingtimewiththeirfamily,tobe
herewithme.

“I’msorry,”Isay,wipingawaythetears.“Idon’thavetogo.”
“Yes,youdo,”hesays.“Look,you’reasixteenyearoldgirl.Youshouldbegoingondateswith

guys.”

“WillUncleMattyapprove?”Iask.
“I’lltalkhimintoit,”Jakesays.
Somethingtellsmethatwon’tbeaneasyfeat.

9pm.

Don’tgiveuponher.

“Youweren’tatdinner,”Teagansaysthatnight,whenshecomestothedormroom.“Orsoccer

practice.”

“Iwasn’thungry,”Isay.
It’strue.
Iwasn’thungrybecauseIatewithJakeandUncleMatty.TheyorderedIndiantakeout,andIcouldn’t

turndownthatoffer.

Iignorethemissingsoccerpracticecomment.Ididmisspractice,butIliterallycouldn’tgo.IknowI

won’tbeintrouble...mysituationisdifferentthanotherstudents.Idon’tthinktheteachersorcoachknow,
butthedeandoes.

“IthoughtyouweregoingtoEstaine’sdormtonight,”shesays.
Iwassupposedto.
Thatiswhymyphoneiscurrentlyturnedonsilent.
He’scalledfourtimes.
“Justdecidedtoworkonmyhomework,instead,”Isay,whichisalsonotalie.I’vespentsomeofthe

nightcatchinguponstuffthatI’vemissed.IhaveskippedmyFrenchandmathclass,bothclasseshappen
afterlunch,forthepasttwodays.I’venevermadeanythingbelowaBandIdon’twanttostartnow.

“Areyouavoidinghim?”sheasks.
Ipretendtonothearher.
Because,heckyes!Iamavoidinghim!
Thereisaknockonthedoorandmyeyeswiden.
ThatbetternotbeEstaine.
Ijumptothesideofmybedonthefloor,hidingfromthedoor.
“Ifthat’sEstaine,I’mnothere,”IwhispertoTeagan.
“IfIlieforyou,youowemeanexplanation,”shewhispersback,asshewalkstothedoor.
“Hey,Teagan.”IhearEstaine’svoicefromtheotherside.
“Estaine,hey,”shesays.“What’sup?”
“Just...lookingforPhoenix,”hesays.“Isshearound?”

“Afraidnot.She’sbeenMIAallday,”Teagananswers.“Sheevenmissedsoccerpractice.”
“Really?”hesays.Icanheartheworryinhisvoiceandapangofguilthitsme.“I’mworriedabout

her.I’vebeentryingtotalktoher,butshekeepsavoidingme.”

“Whydoyouthinkshe’sdoingthat?”sheasks.
OMG,Teagan.Don’ttalktotheboy.Get.Rid.Of.Him!
Heletsoutasigh,andIpraythathe’snotabouttotellherthatIamapathologicalliar.Which,IthinkI

am.Seriously.

“Ithinkshelikesyou,”Teagansays.
WHAT?
Whytheheckwouldshesaythat?
“Idon’tknow,”Estainesays.
“Ithinkyoulikeher,”shesays.
“Idon’tknowher,”hereplies.
Itstingsalittle,becauseIknowhe’sright.
“ButIcantellyou’reattractedtoher,”shesays.
Comeon,Teagan.Justmakehimleave.
“Sheisbeautiful,”hesays.
HethinksI’mbeautiful?
“Butshe’savoidingme,”hesays.“Ithoughtwewerefriends.”
Ouch.
“I’msureshewantstobeyourfriend,”Teagansays.“Don’tgiveuponher.”
No.Youshouldgiveup.
Definitelygiveup.
Because,ifyoudid,itwouldmakethiswholethingaloteasier.
“Iwon’t,”hesays.“Just...ifyouseeher,tellherIstoppedby.”
“Iwill,”shesays.
OnceIhearthedoorshut,Igetupfromthefloor.
“Explain,”Teagansays,turningtome.
“Ijust...amavoidinghim.It’snotabigdeal.”
“IknowEstaine.Helikesyou.Orhe’sonthevergeoflikingyou,”shesays.“Hedoesn’tdate.Ever.

Orhavegirlfriends.So,ifhe’sinterestedinyou,thenyou’relucky.Mostofthegirlsinthisschoolhavea
crushonhim.”

It’shardnottohaveacrushonaguylikeEstaine.
Seriously.
“Ilikeyou,Phoenix,”Teagansays.“Iconsideryoumyfriend.ButEstaine,he’sbeenmyfriendfora

longtime.Don’tbreakhisheart.”

“Iwon’t,”Isay.“Atleastnotonpurpose.”
“Andtalktohim,okay?”
“Iwill,”Isay,knowingthatshe’sright.Ican’tavoidhimforever.“Ipromise.”
“Tomorrow?”
Inodonce.
Andmystomachisalreadyinknotsthinkingaboutit.

Friday,August25

Lie.

Theschoolcounselorsitsinfrontofmewithafilesittingoutinfrontofher.Iwonderwhatthefile

says,butmostlyIjustwanttogetoutofhere.

Ms.Kribsleansforwardinherchair,hergrayish,blondehairfallingontoherdeskasshelooksat

somethinginmyfile.

Seriously,couldshenotreadthisbeforeIcameinhere?
Irollmyeyes,butkeepmymouthshut.Iwantthistobeaone-timevisit.
“Let’stalkaboutyourfuture,”shesays.
“Whatdoyouwanttoknow?”Iask.
“Wheredoyouwanttogotocollege?”
“Berkeley,”Ianswer.
Shenods.“Goodschool.Iseethatbothofyourparentswentthere.Youhaveexcellentgrades,agood

attendancerecordandagreatresume—surfclub,soccerteam,andevensomevolunteerwork.Isee
you’retakingFrenchthisyear.Howisthatgoing?”

“Meh,”Isay.“It’smysecondyeartakingthelanguage,butIdon’tfeellikeI’velearnedthatmuch.I

thinkIcouldprobablyaskwherethebathroomsare,andorderfood,butthat’saboutit.”

“Learningasecondlanguagewouldreallyhelpyourapplicationstandoutmore,”shesays.
“Youhavemyfile,andyou’retalkingaboutmyparents,soyouobviouslyknowwhomydadis,”Isay.

“Idon’tthinkI’llhaveaproblemgettingintoanIvyLeagueschool.”

“PhoenixBlackwoulddefinitelynothaveaproblemgettingin,”Ms.Kribssays.“ButPhoenix

Underwoodmight.”

“You’vegottobekiddingme,”Isay,lettingoutafrustratedgrowl.“It’snotfair.IamPhoenixBlack.

AndI’mreallyhopingthiswholeterroristthingwillbebehindmebythen.”

“You’vegottobeprepared.”
“Look,itdoesn’tmatter.IfIwanttogotoBerkeley,Icangetin,”Isay.“PhoenixUnderwoodor

PhoenixBlack.Itdoesn’tmatter.AndIreallyhavenodesiretolearnFrench.MaybeifIeverplannedon
movingthere,butIdon’t.”

“Fine,”thecounselorsays,lettingoutasigh.I’msureshe’susedtodealingwithspoiled,richkids.

“Let’stalkaboutwhyyou’rehere.Itmustbehardpretendingtobesomebodyyou’renot.”

Ishrug,tryingtoactnonchalant.“It’s...whatever.I’mfineaslongasmyfamilyissafe.”Istandup

frommychair.“Arewedonehere?”

“We’vehardlyeventalked,”Ms.Kribssays.
“Andyet,Ihavenothingelsetosaytoyou,”Isay.
Yeah,Iknow.I’mbeingrude.ButIreally,reallydon’twanttobehereandsheistheoneforcingme

to.Thissucks.

“Okay,”shesays.“Youcango.Butifeveritbecomestoomuch,oryouneedsomebodytotalkto,

comefindmeorcallme.Iwillcomenightorday.”

Sheslidesacardacrossherdeskandsmilesatme,makingmefeelevenworseforsnappingather.
Igrabthecard.“Thankyou.AndIdidn’tmeantoberude...Ijust...thanks.”
Igetupandquicklyvacatetheroom.
AsIamleavingheroffice,myphonevibrates.

TEAGAN:Comehangoutthefootballfield!

ME:K.Berightthere.

Iputmyphoneawayandthenwalkovertothefields.Earliertoday,Iheardtherewasgoingtobea

mockfootballgame.Basically,it’swheretheteamsplitsupandplaysagainsteachother,justforfun.I
don’tthinktherealseasonstartsuntilafterLaborDay.WhenIlookedontheschedule,Isawthatourfirst
officialgameisagainstWestRaven.IhappentoknowthatBrooksplaysforWestRaven,soI’mnotsure
whichteamIwillbecheeringfor.Well,obviouslyEastRaven.OntheinsideI’llcheerforWestRaven.

WhenIgettothestands,I’msurprisedtoseethatthey’renearlyfull.IspotTeaganasshewavesto

me,andIwalkupthebleachersandsitbyher,Penelope,Samantha,andZoey.

“Whattookyousolong?Thegameisabouttostart,”Teagansays.
“Ihadtotalktotheschoolcounselor,”Isay.“Aboutcollegeandmyfuture.”
Sherollshereyes.“Ugh...shedoesthattoeverybody.Like,comeon.Mostofthekidsherehave

knownwheretheyweregoingtocollegesincebeforetheywereevenconceived.Ourparentsplanthis
stuff.”

Iwanttoargue,butmaybeshe’sright.Iamgoingwheremyparentswent.
“So,tonightwe’reallhangingoutinthestudentlounge,”Penelopesays,excitedly.“Atleast,until

curfew.Aftercurfew,we’regoingtothedocks.”

“I’llcome,”Isay.
Because,seriously.It’sFridaynight,wedon’thaveclassallweekend,andIdesperatelyneedto

unwindandhavesomefunafterthestressfulweekI’vehad.

“She’sdefinitelycoming,”Teagansays.“Tonight,sheisgoingtostopavoidingEstaine.”
“Whywouldyouavoidhim?”Zoeyasks.
“Seriously.He’sdefinitelythehottestguyhere,”Penelopesays.“IfIknewhewouldgivemethetime

ofday,I’dtotallybegoingforit.”

“Estainedoesn’tdate,”Samanthasays.“Idon’tthinkhe’severevenshowninterestinagirl.”
“Therewasthatonegirlfreshmanyear,”Zoeysays.“Buttheytotallydidn’tdatelong.Shedumped

him.Seriously,shewasanidiot.”

“Iheardsheispregnant,”Samanthasays.
“IsawthatonherInstagram,”Penelopesays.“Shedoesaweeklyupdateofherbabybump.Iwantto

belike,girl,you’resixteen.Nobodywantstoseeyourbabybump.”

Ilaughatthethreeofthem.
Samantha,Zoey,andPenelopehavebeenfriendssincebeforeEastRavenAcademy.Ithinktheir

parentsarefriendsandtheygrewuptogether.Youcandefinitelytell.They’resoclose,andI’mjealousof
that.Buttheylovetogossip.Icanimaginetheirmoms,allsittingaroundthecountryclubgossipingabout
theotherrichladies,andthenIimaginethemdoingthesamewhenthey’reolder.

“Backtothepoint...whyareyouavoidingthehottestguyinourschool?”Samanthaasks.
“Helikesher,”Teagansays.“Heevenstoppedbyourdormroomlastnight,wantingtoseeher.”
“Oh,mygosh!Whatdidhesay?”Zoeyasks.
Allthreeofthemaresittingontheedgeoftheirseats.
“Well,hecalledherbeautiful,”Teagananswers.
Zoeyletsoutagirlysigh,andSamanthaandPenelopebothsquealastheylookatme.
“Whytheheckwouldyouavoidhim?”Samanthaasks.“Seriously!ThisisEstaineRinaldi.ESTAINE!

Andyou’dhavetobeblindtonotthinkhe’sattractive.Youhavetostopavoidinghim,anddatehim.”

“Andthenyoucantellusifhe’sagoodkisser,”Zoeysays.“Becausewe’realldyingtoknow.”
“Yes.Wewantlotsofdetails,”Penelopesays,noddingvigorously.

“I’llstopavoidingEstaine,”Isay.BecauseIseriouslycan’tstandtoavoidhimanylonger.Ineedto

tellsomebodythetruth.It’sliterallygoingtobustoutofmeifIdon’ttalktohim.“Butthatdoesn’tmean
I’mgoingtodatehimorkisshim.”

Infact,Ihappentobeveryinterestedinanotherguy.AguywhohappenstobejustashotasEstaine.

Andwehavethiscrazy,instantattractionthinggoingon.I’dbecrazynottoatleasttrytodateBrooks,no
matterhowcomplicateditmightbe.I’malreadyhidingsomuchfrommyfriendsandIdefinitelydon’t
wanttohidemy“lovelife”.

Eventually,Iwilltellthem.
“You’dbeanidiotnottodateEstaine,”Teagansays.Penelope,Samantha,andZoeyallagree,but

thankfullytheychangethesubject.

Whilewe’reatthegame,Ifeelmyphonevibrateinmypocket,soIdiscretelypullitouttoread.I

don’twantanotherincidentwherepeopleseemetexting“Mom”or“Dad,”becausemyparentsare
supposedtobedead.Ialsodon’twantthemtoseemetextBrooks.

BROOKS:CountingdowntheminutesuntilIcanseeyou.

Heart.
Melting.
Ididn’tevenrealizeitwaspossibletolikeaguyasmuchasIlikeBrooks.Justseeinghisnameonmy

phonegivesmebutterflies.

ME:Ican’twait.It’sbeensuchalongweek.

BROOKS:Ithasbeenformetoo.MyEnglishLitteacherHATESme.Soschoolhasbeen

ridiculous.

ME:Whydoesyourteacherhateyou?

BROOKS:It’skindofalongstory...butlet’sjustsayitinvolvesawaterhose,fish,shrinkwrap

andhercar.

ME:Hmmm…nowthatsoundslikeafunstory.Ihaven’tbeenherelongenoughtomakemy

teachershateme.

BROOKS:Sowhatareyoudoing?Canyouvideochat?

ME:Footballgame...so,no.BasicallyI’mtextingyou,listeningtomyfriendsgossipandnotatall

payingattentiontothegame.

BROOKS:WillyoupayattentionwhenI’mplaying?

ME:YES.ButonlybecauseIdon’tthinkI’llbeabletokeepmyeyesoffofyou.

BROOKS:

Good.

ME:I’mnervous.I’vebeenavoidingmyfriend,Estaine,allweek.Tonight,mygirlfriendsare

forcingmetotalktohim.

BROOKS:Whyhaveyoubeenavoidinghim?

Umm…

ME:Juststupiddrama.

Thecrowdaroundmecheers,andIlookuptoseethatEstainemadeatouchdown.
Cool.

BROOKS:Estainedoesn’tnormallyhangoutwithgirls.

Howdoesheknowthat?IthoughtBrooksandEstaineweren’tfriends.

ME:Hedoesn’t.We’refriends,though.Sowehangout.

BROOKS:ShouldIbejealous?

ME:Nah.LikeIsaid,I’vebeenavoidinghim,soyoudefinitelyshouldn’tbejealous.Italktoyou

everysingleday.

BROOKS:Ifyoudidn’t,Iwouldsneakoncampusandforceyoutotalktome:P

ME:AmIgoingtohavetogetarestrainingorder?

BROOKS:Onlyifyousuddenlystoptextingme.

ME:Notgonnahappen.

“Phoenix,whatdoyouthink?”Teaganasks.
Ilookupandseethatallfourofthegirlsarewatchingme.
“Um...whatdoIthinkaboutwhat?”Iask.
“Whoareyoutexting?”Zoeyasks.
Ilockmyphone.“Justmycousin.”
Lie.
Uh,whydon’tIjusttellthemthetruth?Hasthiswholeexperiencejustnumbedmyconscience?Inow

justliewithouteventhinkingaboutit.Idon’twanttobealiar.I’mabouttoopenmymouthandjusttell
themthetruth,whenthecrowdstartscheeringloudlyagain.IlookoutonthefieldandseethatEstainehas
theballagain.Hegetstackledtotheground,buteverybodystillseemshappy.

Isodonotunderstandthisgame.
Andreally,whoarewecheeringfor?BothsidesareEastRavenAcademy.
Myphonevibratesinmyhand,soIlookatthescreen,expectingatextfromBrooks,butit’snot.It’s

fromCharlie.

CHARLIE:HollyandFrankarehere.KILL.ME.

Ilaughoutloud,makingallfourgirlslookatme.

“Sorry.It’smy…”brother…“cousin.Hejustsentsomethingfunny.”
Itexthimback.

ME:ThisisthefirsttimeI’vebeengenuinelyhappytobenowherenearyou.

HollyandFrankBennettareCharlie’sgrandparents.They’remystepdad’sparents.
Andtheyarecruel.
Oh,nottoCharlie.TheyloveCharlie.AndtheyloveRick.It’smeandmymomthattheydespise.

Theytreatuslikeabsolutegarbage,fornoreason,andIhavetoresisttheurgetosmackthemacrossthe
faceeverytimetheyvisit.

Really,I’mnotaviolentperson,butthesepeoplebringoutaviolentsideofmethatIneverknew

existed.

CHARLIE:Yourmombailedafewhoursago.Shewentouttogetmilk.Idon’tthinkshe’llbe

comingbackhomeuntiltheyleave.

GoodforMom.
Momhastriedsohardtoimpressherin-lawssincesheandRickgotmarried,butit’sallbeeninvain.
“Phoenix,whodoyouthinkiscuter—DawsonRowlandorAustinVanderbilt?”Zoeyasks.
“Whoarethey?”Iask.
Zoey’smouthfallsopen.“Pleasetellmeyou’rejoking.”
“Austinisnumber83,”Teagansays,pointingtothefootballfield.
Ilookandimmediatelyrecognizetheguy.He’stheheadprefectImetonthefirstdayhere.
“Ah,redConverseguy,”Isay.“Yeah,Iknowhim.Heseemsnice.”
“AndDawsonisnumber37,”Penelopesays.
Ilookoutonthefieldtotryandspotnumber37.IfindhimjustasSebastian’steammakesa

touchdown.It’sobviousthatDawsonisupset.Heyankshishelmetoffandthrowsit.

“Dawsonlookslikehe’sgotatemperproblem,”Isay,ashiscoachyellsathim.Afterafewseconds,

hejogsovertohishelmetandgetsbackinthegame.

“Hedoestendtogetangrywhenplayingfootball,”Zoeysays.“Buthe’sreallyhot.”
“Iwouldneverdateaguywhogetsangrylikethat,”Isay.“Ifhegetsthatangryoveragameof

football,whatelsedoeshegetmadover?I’mnotabouttobecomesomebody’spunchingbag.”

“Ididn’tthinkofitlikethatbefore,”Zoeysays,butshe,Penelope,andSamanthaalllooklikethey’re

thinkingaboutwhatIsaid.

Good.
“WhereisEmma?”IaskTeagan.
Bythewaysherollshereyes,I’mnotsureIwanttoheartheanswer.
“SheandBrycearefightingagain.Shemadethedanceteamandapparentlyhe’schangedhismind

aboutsupportingher,”Teagansays.“Sheiscurrentlyinherroomcrying,whileBryceisplayingfootball.”

“Ireallycan’tstandhim,”Isay.
“Youandmeboth,”shesays.
Penelope,Zoey,andSamanthaallstandup,announcethatthey’regoingtogetsomesnacks,andthen

walkdownthebleachers.Teaganscootsclosertomeintheirabsence.

“So,you’rereallygoingtotalktoEstainetonight,right?”sheasks.
“Yes,”Ianswer.“I’mtiredofavoidinghim.”
“Good,”shesays.“Ireallydothinkyoutwowillmakeagoodcouple.You’reridiculouslyperfectfor

eachother.”

IshouldtellheraboutBrooksnow.
AndIplantodoso.
But,thenIthinkabouthowEstaineandJasonreactedwhenItoldthemthatIhadtalkedtoBrooksat

thebonfire,andIjustcan’thandlesomebodyelsetellingmethatIshouldn’tdateBrooks.Atleast,not
withoutthemgivingmeavalidreasonforit.SoIdon’ttellher.IjustletherthinkthatEstaineandIwould
maketheperfectcouple,becausethat’sbetter.Besides,nomatterwhatshethinks,Estaineisnotinterested
inme.Like,atall.We’refriends.

Still,myheartbeatsfasterwhenIthinkabouttalkingtohimlatertonight.I’mgoingtotellhimthe

truth.Itcouldbethebest,orworst,decisionofmylife.

9pm.

Themomentoftruth.

Everybodyishangingoutinthestudentlounge.I’msittingbyTeaganasshetalkstoasophomoregirl

I’venevermetbefore,butI’mnotpayingattentiontotheirconversationbecauseIamtoonervous.

Whenthefootballgameended,Estainefoundmeinthestands,toldmenottorunawaytonight,thathe

wasgoingtotalktome,andhetoldmetomeethimhere.Andso,I’mwaitingforhimtoarrive.

I’vetriedtoimaginehowthisconversationisgoingtogo.Inmyhead,it’sgonealotofdifferentways,

bothgoodandbad.Thebadbeing,hedoesn’tbelievemewhenItellhimthetruth.Whyshouldhebelieve
me?I’veliedsomanytimestohim,howcanheeventrustthatI’mtellingthetruth?Tobehonest,ifIwere
inhisshoes,I’mnotsureIwouldbelieveme.ButIhopehedoes.Isohopehedoes,becauseIneed
somebodyonmyside.SomebodybesidesUncleMattyandJake.Andtechnically,they’rebeingpaidtobe
onmyside.

Iknowthatnoneofthisismyfault.It’snotevenmydad’sfault.
Stupidterrorists.
Thedooropens,andmyheartrateacceleratesasIwatchEstainewalkthroughthedoor.
Thisisit.
Themomentoftruth.
Iwatchhimlookaroundtheroomuntilhiseyeslandonme.HestartsmakinghiswayoverandI

swallowhard.Whenhereachesme,hedoesn’tsayaword.Hejustgrabsmyhandandpullsmefromthe
crowdedroom.IglancebackatTeaganaswewalkthroughthedoor,andsheissmilingatme.

Iampulledthroughthedoor,butEstainestilldoesn’tsayaword.Hejustkeepswalking,holdingmy

wrist,andhepullsmefartherandfartherawayfromthestudentcenter,untilIcan’tevenseethebuilding
anymore.Thenhestopsandlooksatme.

“Areyoureadytotellmethetruth?”heasks.
Inod.
“Good,”hesays,runningahandthroughhishair.
Iwalkovertowardsanearbytreeandtakeaseat.Ipatthegroundbesideme.“Thismighttakea

while.”

Hewalksoverandsitsbesideme.Ipullmykneesagainstmychestandtakeadeepbreath,tryingto

decidehowtotellhim.

“FirstthingyoushouldknowisthatwhatIamabouttotellyouisdangerous,andyoucan’ttell

anybody,”Isay.“Ifyoudo,youcouldbeindanger,alongwithmeandeverybodyatthisschool.”

“Thatsoundsscary,Phoenix,”Estainesays.
“Itis.So,Ineedyoutopromise,”Isay.

Henods.“Okay.Ipromise.”
That’salltheencouragementIneed.
“I’mnotPhoenixUnderwood,”Isay.“IamPhoenixBlackandmyfatherisTommyBlack.Iwassent

hereafterbeingkidnappedbyagroupofterrorists.Itsoundsscary,Iknow.Buttheydidn’thavemelong
beforethesecretservicerescuedme.Tobehonest,forthatwholetime,Iwaspassedoutfromthedrugs
theygaveme,anddidn’tevenknowIwaskidnappeduntiltheytoldme,whenIwokeupinthehospital
thenextday.”

“TommyBlack...secretservice,”hesays,Iguesstryingtowraphisheadaroundit.“Wow.Yourdad

is...congress...”

“Yeah,”Isay.“Andhe’salive.Soismymom.AndUncleMattyisn’treallymyuncle.Jakeisn’tmy

cousin.They’reactuallysecretserviceagents.They’relivingoncampus.WhenIsaidIhadafamily
emergency,itwasthem.”

“Idon’tknowwhattosay.Thisisalljust...crazy.”
“YouknowtheshootingthathappenedatthatTexasschool?”
Henods.
“Theywerelookingforme.Thesecretserviceleftsomefalsetrails,anditleadthemtothatschool,”I

say.“It’smyfaultthosepeoplearedead.”

Estainestaysquiteforamoment.SolongthatIthinkI’vecompletelyscaredhimaway.Truthfully,I

wouldn’tblamehimifhedidn’twanttobemyfriend.Beingmyfriendcould,potentially,bedangerous,
andthelastthingIwanttodoisputanybodyatEastRavenAcademyindanger.

“Youknowit’snotactuallyyou’refault,right?”Estaineasks.
“Intheory.”
Hescootsclosetome,untilourshouldersaretouching.“Phoenix,you’reinanimpossiblesituation.

Noneofthisisyourfault.”

“So,youbelieveme?”Iask.
“WhywouldInotbelieveyou?”
“BecauseI’vebeenlyingsomuch.”
“Iknowyou’renotlyingnow,”hesays.“Despitewhatyoumaythink,you’reactuallynotagoodliar.”
“Trustme,IknowI’mnot.”
“Itmakessomuchsensenow.Allofit.Whyyou’vebeenavoidingme,whyyoureactedthewayyou

didwhenIsawyourdadwascalling,”hesays.“Iwasfullypreparedtocomeouthereandenduphating
you.”

“Iwastryingtoprepareforyoutohateme,”Isay.“ButIdon’twantyoutohateme.”
“Idon’t,”hesays.“IfeellikeIknowtherealyounow,andIreallyliketherealyou.”
“Sowecanstillbefriends?”Iask.
“Thereisnothingthatcouldmakemenotwanttobeyourfriend,”Estainesays.
Ileanmyheadoveronhisshoulder,feelingsomuchrelief.Thisdefinitelyturnedoutbetterthanany

scenariothatIimagined.“Youknow,Ihaven’ttoldanybodyelsebesidesyou.Imean,myfamilyknows,
obviously,andthesecretservice.So,thisiskindofabigdeal.Ahugedeal.I’mprettysureifItoldUncle
MattyandJake,theywouldfreakout,possiblythreatenyou,andpullmeoutofschool.”

“Thenwejusthavetomakesuretheydon’tfindout,”hesays.“IpromiseIwon’ttellanybody,

becauseIwantyouhere.”

“Youdo?”
“Ofcourse.EastRavenwasboringbeforeyou.”
“Idoubtthat.MylifewasprettyboringuntilIcamehere,”Isay.“Imean,besidesthewholegetting

kidnappedthing.AllIeverdidwashangoutwithmystepbrotherandhisfriends.Lastyear,oneof
Charlie’sfriendsfeltsorryforme,andaskedmetohomecomingsoIwouldn’thavetogoalone.”

“Idoubtthatwashisreason.”
“No.Heliterallytoldmethathedidn’tfigureanybodyelsewouldaskme,soheaskedme.”
“Ican’tbelieveyousaidyes,”hesays.
“Isaidno.ButthenIrealizedIkindofdidwanttogotohomecoming.Charliewasdatingsomegirlat

thetime,andIknewifIdidn’tgowithhisfriend,Iwouldn’tbeabletogo,”Isay.“Itwasfun,evenifthe
guywasareallybaddancer.”

“I’magreatdancer,”Estainesays.
Thissurprisesme,soIliftmyheadandlookathim.“Seriously?”
Helaughs.“No.Notatall.”
“I’mnotaparticularlygooddancer,either,”Isay.
“Well,that’sperfectthen.YouandIwillgotohomecomingtogetherandwecansucktogether,”he

says.

“Definitely,”Isay.
Ithinkhe’sjokingaboutgoingtohomecomingtogether.Ifhe’snot,itprobablywouldbeforthebest,

anyway.Idon’tthinkIcanexactlybringBrookstomyhomecoming,evenifhe’sconvincedIcangoto
WestRavenforhis.IwouldhavefunwithEstaine.

“Bytheway,whatisupwithyourt-shirttonight?”Estaineasksme.
IlookdowntoseewhichoneI’mwearing.Myt-shirtiswhiteandinblacklettersitsays,‘Gotto

havefriesonFriday.’

“Youdon’tgetit?”Iask.“It’skindofaspooffromthatvideothatwentviralyearsago.TheFriday

songbyRebeccaBlack.Butitdoesn’tmatterwhatdayitis,becauseeverydayisafryday.”

“Youareoneweirdchick,Phoenix,”Estainesays.
“Iknow.”

11pm.

Storyofmylife.

EstaineandIgottotalking,anddidn’trealizethatitwasafewminutespastcurfew,sowebothrun

backtoourdorms—andIgetdetention.Theamountoftimeyougetindetentionisbasedonhowlateyou
areforcurfew.IwastenminuteslatesoIhavetodotwicethatamount.TwentyminutesonMonday.

Iwalktomydormroom,thinkinghowmuchMondayisgoingtosuck.
Ihaveneverhaddetentionbefore.I’veneverbeenlateforclass,neveractedoutofline,nordid

anythingworthyofdetention.ThefactthatI’mintroubleforbeinglateforastupidcurfew,makesme
mad.Whydoweevenhaveacurfew?Mymomnevergavemeacurfewbefore.

WhenIopenthedoor,Teaganissittinguponherbed.
“Oh,mygosh!Tell.Me.Everything,”shesays.
“Igotdetentionforbeinglate,”Isay,sittingdownonmyownbed.
Shewavesmeoff.“I’vealreadyhaddetentiontwicethisyearforbeinglate.It’snotabigdeal.Imean

withEstaine.Tellmeeverythingthathappened.”

“Oh,”Isay.“Wejusttalked.”
“Aboutwhat?”
“Stuff.Life,”Ianswer.
“Areyoudatingnow?”sheasks.
“No.”
Shefrowns,obviouslydisappointed.

“Hedidsayhewantstotakemetohomecoming,though,I’mnotsureifhewasbeingserious,”Isay.
Sheletsoutasqueal.“Iknewit!He’ssointoyou!”
“Shutup,he’snot,”Isay.
“Butyoulikehim,right?”
“He’smyfriend.Andheissuperattractive,”Isay.ButI’mkindofintosomebodyelse.“Rightnow,I

kindofjustwanttobehisfriend.AndI’mprettysurehefeelsthesamewayasIdo.”

“Okay,”shesays.“Igetit.Youguyswanttogoslow.”
IhaveafeelingthatTeaganneverdoesanythingslow.
“Slowisn’tabadthing,”Isay.
“You’reright.Someofthebestrelationshipsstartoutwithbeingjustfriends,”shesays.
“Haveyoueverdatedsomebodyyouwerejustfriendswithfirst?”
“Nah,”sheanswers.“I’mtooimpatient.Imeetaguy,fallinlovewithinaweek,andit’soverwithina

month.Storyofmylife.”

IthinkaboutBrooksandwonderifIammovingtoofastwithhim.Wemetandhadsomekindofcrazy

instantattractionthing,butdoweevenhaveanythingincommon?IguessIwillfindoutSaturday.

Tomorrow.
Oh,mygosh.
TomorrowisSaturday.
I’mhangingoutwithBrookstomorrow.
Ineedtotalktosomebody.
I’mjustgoingtotellTeagan.
“YouandEstainewillprobablygetmarriedsomeday,”shesays.
“I’msixteen,soIdoubtthat,”Isay.
“Ididn’tmeansoon.Imeant,you’rethekindofgirlwhowillprobablymeetherfuturehusbandin

highschool,gotocollegetogetherandthengetmarried,”shesays.

“Maybe,”Isay.“Ikindoflikesomebody.”
“SomebodybesidesEstaine?”sheasks.
Inod.
“Who?”sheasks,hereyeswide.“IsitJason?Hedoesflirtwithyoualot.”
“NotJason,”Ianswer.“Hedoesn’texactlygotoourschool.”
“Oh,”shesays.“So,somebodyfromyouroldschoolorsomething?”
“No...um...”Iletmyvoicetrailoffbeforecontinuing.“SomebodyfromWestRaven.”
Shegasps.“Noway!Who?”
“BrooksRemington.”
“Brooks!Oh,mygosh!HeisabsolutelythehottestguyatWestRavenAcademy,”shesays.“Butdon’t

getyourhopesup.BrooksRemingtondoesn’tdate.”

“We’regoingouttomorrow,”Isay.
SheletsoutanotherexcitedsquealandI’mthinkingthatwe’reabouttogetintroublebecauseofall

thenoiseshe’smaking.“Seriously,Phoenix,youaresoincrediblylucky.BrooksRemingtoniscompletely
unattainablebygirlsatEastandWestRaven,andyou’vemanagedtogetadatewiththeguy.Thisis
insane!”

“Ididn’tknowallthat.”
“You’regoingtobetheenvyofeverygirlatEastandWest.Like,wow,”shesays.“But,thatbeing

said,Istillthinkyou’reperfectforEstaine.”

“WhataboutBrooks?”Iask.“Isheagoodguy?”
Sheshrugshershoulders.“Idon’tknow.Hedoesn’treallyeverdateanybody,likeIsaid.Iheardhe

wasinlovewithsomegirlthatheknowsbackhome,butI’mnotsureifthat’strue.Ithinksomegirlmight

havemadeitupbecauseherejectedher.But,IalsoknowthatEstaineandBrookshateeachother.Like,
theonlytimeI’veeverseenEstainelosehistemper,itwasoverBrooks.”

“Iwonderwhy.”
“Idon’tknow.ButI’dbecarefulwithBrooks,”shesays.“Idon’tthinkEstaineisquicktomakean

enemy.Asyou’veprobablyalreadyseen,he’sfriendswitheverybody.”

“Yeah,Ididnotice.”
“Howfairisitthatyoucomehereandgettheattentionofnotone,buttwohotguys?”Teagansays,

shakingherhead.“I’mprettysurethateverygirlisgoingtohateyouwhentheyfindout.”

“Well,then,Iguesstheydon’tneedtoknowaboutBrooks,”Isay.“Fornow,anyway.”
Teagansuddenlystandsupandpointsatme.“Oh,mygosh.Youweren’ttextingyourcousinduringthe

footballgame,wereyou?”

“ItwasBrooks,”Isay.
“Iknewit!Youweresmilingentirelytoobigforittohavebeenatextfromyourcousin,”shesays.
“Ilikehimalot.AndI’msonervous,becausewehadthiscrazyattractionwhenwemet,”Isay.“And

we’vebeentextingandvideochatting,butwhatifwehangouttomorrowandhavenothingincommon?”

“Idoubtthat,”shesays.“I’vehadmyfairshareofawkwardfirstdates,butneverwithaguyI’m

reallyinto.Ifyou’vebeentextingandtalkingtohim,thenIthinkeverythingwillbefine.Andifit’snot,
thencheerup,’causeyou’vestillgotEstaine.”

Shestartslaughing,soIthrowmypillowather,whichonlymakesherlaughharder.
Ithinkeverythingisgoingtobeokaytomorrow.
Atleast,Ihopeso.

Saturday,August26

Ialreadylikeyou,so...

Iamanervouswreck.
I’vebeenstaringatmyclosetforthepastthirtyminutes,andstillhaven’tmadeamovetopickoutan

outfit.

Datingisstressful.Nobodytoldmethatdatingwasgoingtobelikethis.Ipicturedalltheromance

andthecutemoments,butnotthestressofhavingtopickoutanoutfit.Ineverimaginedthestressofafirst
date.

Myphonegoesoff,soIstepawayfrommyclosettocheckthemessage.

BROOKS:Igettoseeyoutoday,andIamridiculouslyexcited.

Ismile.
Ah,seriously.Couldhebeanymoreperfect?

ME:WouldyouthinkanylessofmeifIadmittedthatI’msupernervous?

BROOKS:Whyareyounervous?

ME:Firstdate.Remember?I’veneverhadaboyfriend...

BROOKS:

...

BROOKS:Seriously?TODAYisyourFIRSTDATE?Like,ever???

ME:Yes.Seriously.
ME:Imean,ifit’sadate.I’mnotsurewhatyouconsideradate.We’rehangingout.

BROOKS:It’sadate.It’sdefinitelyadate.
BROOKS:Anddon’tbenervous,becauseIalreadylikeyou,so...

He.
Already.
Likes.
Me.
Whydidmyheartsuddenlygofrom60to110?
“It’stooearlytobesmiling.”
IlookoveratTeagan,whohasoneeyeopen.
“ItoldBrooksthatIwasnervous,andhesaidthis...Don’tbenervous,becauseIalreadylikeyou,”I

say,readingoffthescreen.

Teaganisnowsmiling.“Okay,maybeIcanmakeanexceptionforsmilingthismorning.Oh,mygosh,

Phoenix.That’shuge.Andyouaresoincrediblylucky.”

“Iknow,butI’mfreakingout.Ihavenoideawhattowear!”
Shegetsoutofbed.“Okay,calmdown.I’mgoingtopeeandthenI’mgoingtopickoutsomethingfor

youtowear.”

“Okay,”Isay,tryingtotakeadeep,evenbreath.
WhileI’mwaitingforher,ItextBrooksback.

ME:IthinkImightreallylikeyou,too,butI’mprettysureyoualreadyknewthat.

BROOKS:Kinda.Yourpokerfacesucks.Butthat’sokay,becauseit’soneoftheMANYthingsIlike

aboutyou.

ME:Whatifyoudon’tlikemeaftertoday?

BROOKS:Trustme,it’snotpossible.

Isn’tit,though?
Thatismyfear...thathewillchangehismind.
IalreadylikeBrooksalot,andI’mscaredthatonceheknowstherealme,hewon’tlikemeanymore.
ShouldItellhimwhoIreallyam?
Imean,Iprobablyshould.It’sonlyfairthatheknowsthetruth.Andthatheknowsthattwoguysinthe

secretservicearegoingtobewatchingusfromafartoday.Andifitmakeshimnotwanttodateme,it’s
bettertoknownow,ratherthanlater,right?

Ormaybenot.
ThebathroomdooropensupandTeaganwalksovertomycloset.Shelooksinsidefortwoseconds

beforepullingoutawhitesundressthatI’veneverwornbefore.

“Wearthis,”shesays.“Withyourdarkskintoneandyourdarkhair,you’lllooklikeatotalknockout.”
“Thanks,”Isay.
“Andleaveyourhairdown.”
Inod.
“Andnolipgloss,becausedespitewhatmostgirlsthink,guysdon’tlikelipgloss.Besides,it’sreally

grosskissingwithlipglosson,”shesays.

“Youthinkhe’llkissme?”Iask.
“Duh,”shesays.
Isitdownonthebedagain,feelingalittlenauseous.
Firstdateandfirstkiss...allinoneday?
“Oh,mygosh.You’veneverbeenkissed,”Teagansays.
“Nope,”Ianswer.“Definitelynever.”
“That’sactuallyreallysweet,”shesays.“Everybodyisnervousfortheirfirstkiss.Ofcourse,most

peopleareabityoungerthansixteen...”

“Hey!”
“Iwasfourteen.Itwas,like,thedaybeforemyfifteenthbirthday,”shesays.“Funnystory,butJason

Thortonwasactuallymyfirstkiss.Hekissedmeatthedocksaftercurfewonenight.”

“Noway.Youtwodated?”
“Gosh,noway,”shesays.“Wejustmadeout.Alot.Westilldosometimes,butonlywhenI’mbored.”
Ishakemyheadather.
“What?He’sagoodkisser,”shesays.
“Right,”Isay.
“Anyway,mypointwas,firstkissesmaybescary,butthey’remagical.Especiallysinceyoulike

Brookssomuch.Itwillbeperfect.Don’tstressaboutit,oreventhinkaboutituntilithappens.Andtrust

me,onceyoukisshim,you’llwanttodoitagain.”

“Obviously,sinceyoucan’tkeepyourlipsoffJasonThorThorton.”
Sherollshereyes.“IknewIshouldn’thavetoldyouthat.”
“Toolate,youcan’ttakeitback,”Isay,standingup.“I’mgoingtoputthison.”
Iwalkintothebathroomtoputonmydress.WhenIdo,Ilookinthemirroratmyself.
Idolookgood.
Girly.
Pretty.
Teaganwasright.
She’salwaysrightaboutthiskindofstuff.
Istepoutofthebathroomtoshowher.
“Youaresogorgeous,”shesays.
“Thanks,”Isay.
“IfBrooksdoesn’tfallheadoverheelsinlovewithyouwhenheseesyou,thenhe’sanidiot.”

11am.

Thisboy.

I’mmeetingBrooksatthefrontgateoftheschool,mostlytoavoidanybodyseeingus.IhadUncle

MattyandJakedrivemethere,andnowtheyarecurrentlyparkedofftotheside.Theyaregoingtofollow
usaroundalldayandmakesurewedon’tgetshotbyterrorists.Whataperfectfirstdate...

Butseriously,I’mnotgoingtoletstupidterroristsruinmyfirstdate.I’mjustgoingtotryandforget

thefactthattwopeoplearegoingtobewatchingmyeverymove,andIamgoingtotrytoenjoytheday.

I’monlystandingthereforaminutewhenablacksportscarpullsupinfrontofme.Thewindowsare

sodarkIcan’tseeinside,butIknowit’sBrookswhenthecarstopsinfrontofme.Heopensthedriver’s
sidedoorandgetsout.

And.
I’m.
So.
Nervous.
“Hi,”Isaytohim.
Yes,Iamlame.
“Hey,”hesays,smilingatme.
He’ssomuchmoregorgeousinperson...somuchbetterlookingthanIevenremember.
“Youlookreallybeautiful,”hesays.
“Thanks,”Isay,lookingdownatmyfeet.BecauseI’mtooscaredtolookhimintheeyesrightnow.
“Youreadytogo?”heasks.
Inod,lookingupagain.
Uh,hiseyesaresoblue.
ThenBrooksdoessomethingcompletelyunexpected.Hewalkstothepassengersidedoorofhiscar

andheopensthedoorforme.

I’veneverhadaguyopenthedoorforme.Never.Notonce.Unlessyoucountlimodrivers,whichI

don’t,becausethey’regettingpaidtoopenyourdoor.But,I’mserious.Idon’teventhinkCharlie,Dador
Rickhaseveropenedthedoorforme.

IgetintothecarandheshutsthedooronceI’min.Irestmyfingersovermyracingheartforasecond

andtakeabreath.

Thisboy.
Heopenshisdoorandgetsinside.Heputsonhisseatbelt,thenlooksatmeandsmilesbeforewetake

off.

“Youreallyarenervous,”Brookssays,aswepullontothemainroad.
Ibitemylip,notknowingwhattosay.
“Ithinkit’scutethatyou’renervous,”hesays.
Hiswordsmakemesmile.“It’snotyourfault.Imean,Iwouldbenervousnomatterwhat,butmy

roommatemademeevenmorenervousthismorning.”

“How?”
Ah,Ididn’twanttotellhimthat.
Ishouldn’thavesaidanything.
“ShewastalkingabouthowIshouldn’twearlipglossbecausenobodylikeskissingwithlipglosson,

andIhadn’teventhoughtaboutkissing,”Isay.“Imean,I’veneverkissedaguybefore.So,nowI’m
nervous.”

Helooksfromtheroadtome.“You’veneverbeenkissed?”
“Nope.”
“GuysinCaliforniaareidiots,”hesays.
Ishrug.“Eveniftheywereinterested,I’mprettysureCharliewould’verunthemoff.”
“Isitgoingtobehardtogetyourbrother’sapproval?”heasks.
“Yeah,butIthinkhewilllikeyou,”Isay.
“Ihopeso.”
Me,too.
“Whydidn’thecometoschoolwithyou?”Brooksasks.
“He’sinCaliforniastill.Withhisdad,”Ianswer.“Hisdadwouldneversendhimtoboardingschool.

NotthatourschoolinCaliforniawasabadschool.Really,itwasoneofthebestprivateschoolsinthe
state.Besides,Charlielovessurfingtoomuch.He’sinsurfclub.Iwas,too.Weusedtogetoutofschool
fromteninthemorninguntilnoontosurf.Itwas...amazing.”

“Iwanttogotothatschool,”hesays.
“That’swhyI’mgoingtocollegeinCalifornia,”Isay.IfIcan.“MyparentswenttoBerkeley.It’s

wheretheymet.So,I’llprobablygothere.It’salittlefarthernorththanIwanttobe,butit’sjustfour
years.”

“It’sdefinitelysouthofhere.”
“HowamIgoingtosurvivetwoyearsofboardingschoolhere?”Iask.“Ihatethecold.Andthesnow.

I’veonlyseensnowonceinmylife.Charlieconvincedmethatsnowboardingwouldbefun.Aftertwo
days,Ileftthetripearly.Itwassocold,andIfellsomanytimesjustwalkingaroundonthesnowand
ice.”

Helaughs.“I’msorry.Idon’tmeantolaughatyourfalling,butthat’sreallyfunny.”
“YoureallywouldgetalongwithCharlie.HelaughedatmeeverysingletimeIfell,”Isay.
“IsCharlieyouronlysibling?”heasks.
Onlyforanother20weeks.
ThenIwillhavealittlebrotherorsister.
ButIcan’ttellBrooksthat.
“Yeah.IhadanoldersisterwhodiedwhenIwasonlysixmonthsold,”Isay.“Shewasfour.Ithink

that’swhymyparentsgotdivorced.Herdeathputahugestrainontheirmarriage.Theywerereallyin
lovefromwhatI’veheard.”

“That’sreallysad,”Brookssays.

“Whataboutyou?”Iask.
“Justoneyoungersister.She’sthirteenandwillbecomingtoWestRavennextyear.I’mnotlooking

forwardtohercoming.Ialreadytoldherthatshe’snotallowedtohaveaboyfriendwhileshe’sa
freshman.I’dbeatupanyguywhotried.”

“Oh,youdidn’tdatewhenyouwereafreshman?”Iask.
“That’sdifferent,”hesays.
“Howisitdifferent?”
“’CauseI’maboyandshe’smylittlesister,”hesays.
Ilaughathislogic.
“I’mhopingthatbetweennowandthetimesenioryearbeginsIcanconvinceyoutotransfertoWest

Raven.”

“Youcandothat?”Iask.“Imean,Ididn’tfigureWestRavenwouldwantkidsdoingthat,especially

notsenioryear.”

“Areyoukidding?ThedeansatEastandWesthateeachother.Theylovestealingeachother’s

students,”hesays.“You’ddefinitelybeaccepted.”

“Bythistimenextyearyou’llbesickofme,”Isay.
“Ihighlydoubtthat,”hesays.“I’malreadytryingtofigureouthowtotellmydadIwanttogoto

BerkeleyinsteadofHarvard.Idon’tthinkhe’sgoingtotakethenewswell.”

“Well,don’tgetyourhopesupaboutnextyear.EvenifIwantedtotransfertoWestRaven,Ihighly

doubttheCI...umm...UncleMattywouldletme,”Isay,hopingthathedidn’tjusthearmealmostsayCIA.

Seriouslythough,theCIApulledalotofstringstogetmeinatEastRavenAcademyliketheydid.

Andallmyrecordsarekeptunderadifferentname.ThenamePhoenixisn’texactlycommon.Ididn’t
wantadifferentname,though,sotheyletmekeepPhoenix,butnotBlack.

However,iftheytakedownthisterroristsgroup,thenIcanprobablygoanywhereIwant,thoughI

hatethethoughtofleavingmyfriends.IlikeEastRaven.

“Maybeyoushouldjusttransfertomyschool,”Isay.“WhenItoldTeaganaboutyou,shesaidallthe

girlsatmyschoolthinkyou’resuper-hot.Onsecondthought,stayatWestRaven.I’dbejealousofallthe
girlscheckingyouout.”

“Whataboutyou?”heasks.“I’msurealltheguysthinkyou’rehot.”
Ishakemyhead.“Nope.Sorrytodisappoint.”
“WhataboutJasonThorton?Hecalledyoubaeatthedockparty,”hesays.
“Hecallsmebaebecauseheknowsthatitannoysthecrapoutofme,”Isay.“We’rejustfriends,

though.EspeciallynowthatIfoundouthemakesoutwithmyroommate.Gross.”

“AndwhataboutEstaine?”
“EverybodythinksI’mdatinghim,butI’mnotinterestedinhimlikethat,”Isay.“We’rejustfriends.”
“Doyouhangoutalot?”
Ishrugmyshoulders.“Kindof,Iguess.HemademelateforcurfewlastnightsoIhavedetentionon

Monday.”

“Whatwereyoudoingthatmadeyoulate?”heasks.
“Justtalking.Welosttrackoftime,”Ianswer.“I’mnotusedtohavingacurfew.Mymo...unclenever

gavemeone.”

“Now,I’mjealous,”Brookssays.
“Why?”Iask.“Ialreadytoldyouhe’sjustafriend.Besides,incaseyoudidn’talreadyknow,I’m

superintoyou.Like,you’rethehottestguyI’veevermet.Andwehadthatsupercrazyinstantattraction
thinggoingon.”

“Yeah,wedid,”hesays,agreeingwithme.“ButI’mstilljealous.”
“IsitweirdthatIkindofthinkit’shotthatyou’rejealous?”Iask.

Hegrins.“Notweirdforyou.”
“YouthinkI’mweird?”
“Absolutely.It’swhatIlikedmostaboutyouwhenwemet,”hesays.“Well,thatandyoureyes.Are

theyevenblue?Isweartheylookedpurplethefirstnightwemet.”

“Theydolookpurplesometimes,”Isay.“Andsometimestheylookgreyandsometimes,blue.They,

like,changecolorsorsomething.Youreyesarejustblue.Like,really,reallyblue.Theykindofremind
meoftheoceaninHawaii.IseriouslymeantwhatIsaidthatfirstnight...aboutyoubeingadistraction.If
youwenttomyschool,Iwouldbewatchingyouinsteadofpayingattentioninclass.It’sanotherreason
whyIdefinitelyshouldstayatEastRaven.”

“Itdoesn’tmatterwhereyouare,youarealwaysadistractiontome,”hesays.“Bytheway,thereis

somethingI’vewantedtoaskyou.”

“What?”
“WhyMMA?”
“Um...it’sjustaself-defensething.Whynotmixedmartialarts?”Iask.“I’mnotallthatgoodatityet,

butI’mgettingbetter.”

“Yeah,butwhydoyouneedtolearnself-defense?”
IncaseIgetkidnappedagain.
ButIcan’ttellhimthat.
“JusttogiveUncleMattypeaceofmind,”Isay,whichiskindoftrue.Prettysurethetwosecret

serviceagentsassignedtoprotectmehavestartedtolikeme.“AndIdon’tmind,really.SinceIstarted
doingit,Iactuallykindoflikeit.Imean,therearedayswhenmyarmsaresosoreIfeellikeIcouldn’tlift
apencil,butthosedaysaregettingfewer.Also,Ithinkit’llhelpmewithsoccer.”

“Istillcan’tbelieveI’mdatingagirlwhocouldkickmybuttifshewanted.”
Dating.
Asinmorethanonedate?
Because,lettherecordstate,Iwouldbecompletelyfinewiththat.Like,onehundredpercentfine.

Please.Moredateswiththisgorgeousboy.

“Idon’tknowaboutthat,”Isay.“Butmaybeinafewmonths.”
UncleMattysaysI’vegotalotoflegstrength.Probablyfromsurfingandsoccer.ButI’m,andIquote,

‘severelylackinginupperbodystrength.’Seriously,doeshenotunderstandhowfragileateenage
female’segois?

“DoyoulikeIndianfood?”Brooksasks.
“Areyoukidding?Iloveallfood,”Isay.“Well,almostallfood.”
“Andyoujustgetbetterandbetter,”hesays,makingmewonderwhathemeansbythat.
Ihopeit’sagoodthing.
Itsoundslikeagoodthing.

12pm.

Areallteenagersthisdramatic?

IamnotsurprisedwhenIseeUncleMattyandJakewalkintotheIndianfoodrestaurant.However,I

amsurprisedwhentheysitintheboothRIGHT.BEHIND.ME.

Seriously?
HowamIsupposedtohavemyfirstdatewiththosetwosittingrightthere,listeningtoourentire

conversation.

WhenBrooksgetsuptogotothebathroom,afterweorder,Iwaituntilhe’soutofeyeshotandthen

turnaroundtolookatthem.

“Seriously,youguys?”Iask.
“What?”UncleMattysays,completelyunawarethatheisruiningmyfirstdate.
“Whydoyouhavetositrightbehindme?”Iask.“HowamIsupposedtoenjoymyfirstdatewithyou

two...”

“Yourfirstdate?”Jakeasks,inamockingtone.“Howsweet.”
Irollmyeyesatthem.“Beserioushere.You’reruiningeverything!”
“Calmthedramatics,”UncleMattysays.“Thehostesssatushere.Besides,I’dratherbecloseif

thingsgosouth.Don’tyouwantustoprotectyouandloverboy?”

Iletoutafrustratedgroan.“Iwillneverforgiveyouforthis.”
“Areallteenagersthisdramatic?”JakeasksUncleMatty.
“Justthegirls.”
“IsthiswhatIhavetolookforwardtowithmydaughter?”
“Definitely,”UncleMattyanswers.
“Just...trynottolisten,”Isay,sotheystoptalking.“AndIswear,ifyouevermakefunofmeortease

meaboutthismoment,Iwill...Idon’tknowwhat...butsomethingbad.”

“Isshethreateningus?”JakeasksUncleMatty,inafeigned-skepticalvoice.“Whatdoesshethinkshe

cando?”

Inarrowmyeyesatthem.“Iswear,Iwillstandupinthemiddleofclassandtelleverysingleperson

therewhoIam,andyouwon’tbetheretostopit.”

“Youwouldn’t,”UncleMattysays,hismouthopen.
“MaybeIwill,maybeIwon’t.Areyoureallywillingtoriskit?”Iask.
Brookssitsdownatthetable,soIquicklyturnbackaroundinmychairtolookathim.
“Hey,”hesays,lookingatmecautiously.“Youknowthoseguys.”
“Nope,”Isay.
“Doyoualwayshaveconversationswithstrangers?”
Ishrug,notgivingananswereitherway.
AndthenIpraythatIdon’tsayanythingthatwillgiveUncleMattyandJakeammunition.Theydolike

toteasemeduringtrainingeverymorning,andIwantBrookstostayofflimitstothem.

“So,whatareyoudoingforLaborDay?”Brooksasks.
“Nothing,”Ianswer.
ButIsowishIwasgoingtoseemyfamily.
ImissCharlie.
“YoushouldcometoTheHamptonswithme,”hesays.
“EstaineaskedmetocometoTheHamptons,too,”Isay.“Doyouguysliveclosetoeachother?”
“Unfortunately,wearenextdoorneighbors,”Brooksanswers.
“Seriously?That’stoofunny,”Isay.“Imean,becauseyoutwohateeachother,forwhateverreason.”
“Sinceyou’renotdoinganything,itmeansyoutoldhimno?”
Inod.“IdoubtUncleMattywillletmegoanywhere.”
“Youcan’tstayoncampusforLaborDayweekend,”hesays.“It’sourlastchancetogotothebeach

beforeitgetstoocold.Andit’llbealotoffun.EstaineandIbothalwaysthrowahugeparty,sopeople
usuallygobackandforthbetweenourproperties.”

“Iwillask.”
IhearUncleMattycoughbehindme.
“ButIsomehowdoubthe’llletmego,”Isay.
“Ifyoureallywanttogo,Icangetyouoffcampusfortheweekend,”Brookssays.

“Really?”Iask,myfaceturningslightlyred.WhydoesUncleMattyandJakehavetobehere.
“Yeah.”
“Maybe,”Isay.“IfUncleMattywantstobeallprotective,thenmaybeIwilljusthavetosneakoff

campus.”

“Whyishesoprotective?”
“HethinksI’llgetkidnappedorsomethingstupidlikethat,”Isay.
“Whywouldyougetkidnapped?”Brooksasks.
“He’sjustparanoid.”
IhearUncleMattymakeanoisethatletsmeknowIamprobablygoingtobeintroublelater.
WhatelsewasIsupposedtosay?Seriously.Ican’ttellBrooksthatI’mnotallowedtoleavecampus

becauseagroupofterroristsareafterme.Ican’ttellhimthatmydad’sjobhasmademeatarget.IwishI
could.IdidtellEstaine,butI’mscaredtotellBrooks.IwasscaredtotellEstaine.Iwasscaredhe
wouldn’tbemyfriendanymore.ButthefeelingsIhaveforBrooksarestrong.Ireallydon’twanthimto
runaway.Andhewouldrunifheknewthattwosecretserviceagentswerebehindme,listeningtoour
conversationrightnow.

“Areyousureyoudon’tknowthoseguys?”Brooksasks.
Inod,myfacegrowingwarm.
Ihatelyingsobad.EspeciallytoBrooks.
CanhetellI’mlying?EstainedidsayI’mabadliar.MaybeBrooksthinkssoto.
Thankfully,ourfoodcomesandBrooksforgetsaboutthetwoguyssittingbehindme.
ToobadIcan’tforgetaboutthem,too.

6pm.

PERFECT.

It’slatethateveningwhenBrooksdropsmeoffatthefrontgatesoftheschool.Heofferstodriveme

tomydorm,butIassurehimthathiscarwouldprobablygeteggsthrownatit,ifhedid.Ipromisedhim
thatmyridewouldbetheresoontopickmeup,andheagreed.

Brooksdidn’tkissme.AndI’mnotsureifI’mdisappointedornot.
Ilikehim.
Alot.
ButI’mnotsureI’mreadyformyfirstkiss,yet.Iwantthemomenttobeperfect.Andforsomereason,

thethoughtofkissinghiminhiscaratthefrontgatesofmyschooljustdoesn’tsoundromantic.

IdecidethatIdefinitelyamgladhedidn’tkissme.
Unlesshechangedhismindanddoesn’tlikeme.
Ihopethat’snotit.
But,asIgetintothebackseatofUncleMatty’scar,Igetatextthatalleviatesanydoubt.

BROOKS:Ihadfun,andIreally,reallylikeyou.
BROOKS:Also,Iwanttokissyou.Butnotuntiltheperfecttime:)Idon’twanttorushthingswith

you.Youdeservetobecompletelysweptoffyourfeet.

Ismile,puttingmyphoneonthebenchseatbesidemeforasecondbeforeresponding.
BrooksRemingtonis...
PERFECT.

7pm.

Doesheknow?

WhenIgetbacktomyroom,IamfullypreparedtotellTeaganeverysingledetailaboutmydatewith

Brooks,butinsteadIfindEmmacryingonherbed.

ButnoteventheEmmaandBrycedramacanruinmygoodmood.
Insteadoflisteningtohercry,IsneakintothestairwellandcallCharlie.ImisshimlikecrazyandI

needtotellsomebodyaboutmydate.

“Hey,Phoenix,”Charlieanswers.
“Hey.Imissyou.”
“Missyou,too,”hesays.“Youshouldbegladyouweren’therelastnight.Ididn’tthinkHollyand

Frankwouldeverleave.”

“I’msurprisedtheydidleave.Theyusuallystayoverallnightwhentheycome,”Isay.“Andshouldn’t

youcallthemgrandmaandgrandpa?”

I’mtotallyteasing.
Theyarehisbiologicalgrandparents,butsincetheyareridiculouslyrudetomeandmymom,he

refusestocallthemanythingotherthantheirfirstname.Itdrivesthemcrazy,ofcourse,andtheyblameme
forhisrebelliousbehavior.Still,Ilovethatheproteststhewaytheytreatme.He’sthebestbrotherever.

“Hey,justbecauseyou’regonedoesn’tmeanI’mnotstillstickingupforyou,”hesays.“YouknowI

gotyourback.”

“Thanks,”Isay.“Bytheway,Itotallyhadmyfirstdatetoday.”
“Wow.IknewIshould’veinsistedongoingtoschoolwithyou,”Charliesays.“Ineedtoapproveof

thisboy.”

“Uh,don’tworry.Ihadtwosecretserviceagentsfollowingusaroundallday.Itsuckedsobad,”Isay.
“Ha,that’sgreat,”hesays,chuckling.
“IfIwasthere,Iwouldpunchyou.”
“Sorry,”hesays.“Whichguydidyougowith?TheguyfromEastorWestRaven?”
“West.IwentoutwithBrooks,”Isay.
“Andwasitasmagneticandmagicalasitwaswhenyoufirstmet?”heasks.
“Actually,yes,”Ianswer.
“Didyougetyourfirstkiss?”
“Dootherbrothersasktheirsisteriftheykissedtheirdate?”Iask.
“Whocareswhatothersiblingsdo?”heasks.“Now,tellme.”
Ilaugh.“Um,no.Nokiss.AndIwasgladhedidn’t.ButIalsofreakedout,thinkingmaybehedidn’t

likeme.Butthenhetextedme,like,twominutesafterhedroppedmeoffandtoldmethathereally,really
likesmeandthathewantstokissmeattheperfecttime.Hesaidhedoesn’twanttorushthingswithme
andthatIamworththewait.”

“Wow,”Charliesays.“Thisguysoundslikeasap.”
“You’dthinkso,right?Butapparentlyallthegirlsinmyschoolhaveahugecrushonhim,”Isay.

“He’ssuper-hot.Buthedoesn’tgivegirlsthetimeofdayusually.”

“Untilyou?”
“Untilme,”Isay.“Imean,wedidn’texactlytalkabouthispastrelationshipsoranything.Itwasonly

ourfirstdate.”

“Whatdoestheguywiththeweirdnamethinkofthat?”Charlieasks.

Iknowimmediatelyhe’sreferringtoEstaine.
“Estainedoesn’tknow,”Ianswer.“Iwouldtellhim,butheandBrookshateeachother.Idon’tknow

why,butIthinkitgoesbacktobeforefreshmanyear.Imean,theyhavehousesnextdoortoeachotherin
TheHamptons.”

“So,TheHamptonsreallyisathing,”hesays.
“Yeah,Iguessitis.BrooksandEstainebothinvitedmeforLaborDayWeekend.”
“Andwhatareyougoingtodo?”Charlieasks.
“Idon’tknow.IfUncleMattyandJakeletmego,thenIguessI’llsplitmytimebetweenthetwo

houses,”Ianswer.“JustbecauseI’mdatingBrooksdoesn’tmeanIcan’tstillbefriendswithEstaine.”

“Youcanalwaysdatethemboth,”hesays.
“NoIcan’t!I’mnotacheater.”
“Itwouldn’tbecheatingunlessoneofthemaskedtodateyouexclusively.”
“No,Charlie.Iwouldneverdothat,”Isay,shakingmyheadathim.“I’mnotyou.Idon’tmesswith

people’sfeelings.”

“Yet,youstillhaven’ttoldEstaineaboutBrooks.Youmightwanttobecareful.”
“Iam,”Isay.
Ithink.
“Andyou’resureyoudon’thavefeelingsfortheEstaineguy?”
“He’smyfriend,”Ianswerautomatically.
“Friend,”Charlierepeats.
“Yes.Friend.”
“Doesheknowthatyouonlywanttobefriends?”

11pm.

Doyoubelieveinloveatfirstsight?

Ican’tgetCharlie’swordsoutofmyhead.
DoesEstaineknowwe’rejustfriends?
DoIwanttotellhim?
ThesequestionsrunthroughmyheadasTeaganandIwalkdowntothedockstomeetupwithJason

andEstaine.Thereisn’tanybodyouttheretonight,becausemostkidsareoffcampus.Somesenioris
throwingapartyatthisparents’mansioninBoston.Bostonisprettyclosetotheschool,justoveranhour
away.ButIdidn’twanttogo.EvenifIwantedto,nowayUncleMattyandJakewould’veletme.

“Don’tworry,Iwon’ttellEstaineaboutBrooks,”Teagansays.“Maybeyoushouldtellhim,butI

won’t.Because,incaseIdidn’tmakeitclearalready,I’mteamEstaine.”

Ilaughandshakemyheadather.“Yeah,Ithinkthat’sprettyclear.”
“Good.”
“I’mgoingtohavetotellEstainebeforenextweekend,”Isay.“IfIcanconvinceUncleMattytolet

megotoTheHamptonsforLaborDay,I’mgoingtohavetoexplainwhyIamsplittingmytimebetween
thetwohouses.”

“OryoucouldjusttellBrooksyoucan’tgoandhangoutwithEstainethewholetime,”shesays.
“You’resobad.”
“Whatever.Youknowyouloveme,”shesays.“Whomeveryouchoose,Iamstillyourfriend.But

tonight,don’texpectmetodomuchtalking.JasonandIhaven’tgottentohangoutsincewegotbackto
school,ifyouknowwhatImean.”

“Gross.Justdon’tkisshiminfrontofme,”Isay.
“Nopromises,”shesays,aswewalkoutfromthetreesandintotheclearing.
Theguysarealreadythere,andTeagandoesn’tevensaybyeasshewalksofftowardsJason.
“Hey,”Estainesays,asIwalkuptohim.
“Thosetwo...”Isay,lettingmyvoicetrailoff.“HowdidInotseeitbeforeshetoldme?”
“Iknow.They’reperfectforeachother,”hesays.“Theyshouldjustmakethingsofficialalready.”
Inodmyhead,agreeingtotally.
Webothwalkontotheoldboatdeckandcarefullytakeaseat.Idanglemyfeetoverthesideandpray

Idon’tgetasplinterinmybutt.

“Youweren’tatlunchtoday,”hesays.
AndtheconversationIwantedtoavoid.
“Iwashangingoutoffcampuswithafriend,”Isay.
Helooksatmeforasecond,clearlyconfused.“Who?Allourfriendswerethere.”
Itakeadeepbreathbeforecontinuing.“I’mscaredtotellyou.”
“Whywouldyoubescared?”
“Becauseyoumighthatemeafteryoufindout.”
“Trustme,thereisnothingthatcouldmakemehateyou.”
“Iwouldn’tsaynothing,”Isay.“IhungoutwithBrooksRemingtontoday.”
“WHAT?”
Icringe.
“I’msorry,”hesays.“Ididn’tmeantoyell.It’sjust...Brooks...he’snotagoodguy.”
“Yeah,you’vesaidthat.ButIdon’tgetit.He’sreallynicetome,”Isay.“You’venevertoldmewhy

youdon’tlikehim.”

“I’venevercaredmuchfortheguy,”hesays.“No,that’snottrue.Wewerefriendswhenwewere

kids.Thesummerwewerefourteen,rightbeforecomingtoEastRaven,iswhenwestoppedbeing
friends.”

“Whatdidhedothatwassobad?”
“Hestarteddatingmysister,”Estaineanswers.“Shewasonlytenmonthsolderthanme.Ourparents

hadussuperclosetogether.AndIwascoolwithitatfirst,butBrooksdidn’ttreatmysisterverywell.”

“Ididn’tknowyouhadasister,”Isay.
“Shedied,”hesays.“Lastspringbreak.It’sreallyhardbeingatschoolwithouther.”
“Whathappened?”
“Shedidsomethingstupid,”hesays.“BrooksandRiverwerealwaysfighting.They’dbreakupand

getbacktogetherallthetime.”

Uh.
Also,hissister’snameisawesome.
Whywouldn’tshehaveauniquenamelikehim?
“LikeEmmaandBryce,”hesays.“Except,wayworse.Mysisterdeservedbetter.Anyway,thenight

shedied,theyhadbrokenup.Again.So,shewentoutwithherfriends,gotdrunkandthendrove.She
died.Oneofherfriendswaswithherinthecar,shewasdrunk,too.Shelived,butshe’sinawheelchair
now.Shenevercamebacktoschool.”

“Oh.Wow,”Isay.“I’msorry.”
“That’swhyIdon’tlikeEstaine.Iknowit’snotreallyhisfaultmysisterisdead,butIkindoffeellike

shewouldstillbehereifitwasn’tforhim,”hesays,thenlooksatmeforthefirsttimesincetellingmehis
story.“Please,Phoenix,stayawayfromhim.Youdeservebetter.”

Idon’tmakeanypromises.Ijustlethiswordssinkin.IknowbetterthantotellhimthatIwillstay

awayfromBrooks.

TherelationshipthatBrookshadwithRiver...itsucks.Igetthat.Butthatdoesn’tmeanthatifI

decidedtohavearelationshipwithhim,itwouldbethesameasitwasforthem.Maybetheywereboth
badforeachother.

“Ihadanoldersister.Idon’trememberher,butshediedwhenIwassixmonthsold,”Itellhim.“She

wasfouratthetime.That’swhymyparentsgotdivorced.Theirmarriagecouldn’tsurviveaftershedied.”

“Myparents’marriageisn’tsogreatrightnow,either,”Estainesays.“Itwas,before...”
“Iwasyoungwhentheygotdivorced,butitworkedoutgoodforme.I’vegotCharlienow,andIcan’t

imaginelifewithouthim.Andmystepmomispregnant,soI’mgoingtohavealittlebrotherorsister,
soon,”Isay.“Theyshould’vefoughtforeachother,though.Ithinktheystillloveeachother,intheirown
way.”

“YousaidyourparentsmetatBerkeley,right?”
Inod.“Loveatfirstsight,accordingtomydad.”
“Doyoubelieveinloveatfirstsight?”heasks.
“No.Idon’tthinkso.Imean,maybestrongattraction,”Ianswer.“But,Ithinklovegrowsovertime.

Like,sayacouplemightbeinloveafterafewweeksormonthsofdating,butthatlovedoesn’tcompare
towhattheyfeelforeachotherfiveyearsdowntheroad.Thingshappenthatbringthemcloserandmake
themfightforeachother.That’swhatstrengthensit.Like,maybeifmyparentshadbeenmarriedtenyears
insteadoffive,maybetheirmarriagecould’vesurvivedthedeathofmysister.ButI’llneverknow.”

Hestaysquietbesideme.
“Whataboutyou?”Iask.“Doyoubelieveinloveatfirstsight?”
“Ididn’t,butIthinkmaybeIdonow,”heanswers.
Iwonderwhathemeansbyhethinkshedoesnow,butIdon’task.Ifigureifhewantedtotellme,he

would.

“Is...areyou...isBrooksyourboyfriend?”Estaineasks.
“No,”Ianswer.
“Good,”hesays.“Brookslikestomovereallyfast,andIjustdon’twantyoutorushintoa

relationshipwithhim.”

“Iwasn’teventhinkingaboutthatwithhim,”Isay.
Andheiswrong.
Brooksdoesn’tgofast.
Atleast,hesaidhe’snotgoingfastwithme.Maybehedidlearnsomethingfromhisrelationshipwith

River.

“So...Teagansaysyoudon’tdategirlsatschool,”Isay,hopingthatI’mnotbeingtoopersonal.

“Besidessomegirl,freshmanyear.ButIwaswonderingwhyyoudon’tdate.Allthegirlsherelikeyou.
Andnottosoundcreepyoranything,butyou’rekindofhot.”

Hesmiles.“Hot?”
Inod,myfacegrowingwarm.
“IjustsawthewayRiverwaswithBrooks.AndthenEmmaandBryce,”hesays.“IguessIdidn’t

wanttodealwiththedramaofahighschoolromance.Noneofthegirlshavebeenworthit.”

“Oh,”Isay,hatinghowmuchhiscommentstings.
Brooks.
IlikeBrooks.
DangTeagangettinginmyhead.
“Thatdoesn’tmeanIwouldn’tdateagirlifIlikedherenough,”hesays.
“Andmakealltheothergirlsinschooljealous?”Iask.
Me,included.
BecauseIhavetoadmittomyself,Iwouldbeatinybitjealousifhediddatesomebodyelse.

“Wouldyoubejealous?”heasks.
Canhereadmymind?
Seriously,thatwasfreaky.
KnowingthathecantellwhenIlie,Inodmyhead.“Yeah.”
Idon’twanttoaddmoreliesontomyalreadyguiltyconscience,anyway.Ineedonepersoninmylife

Icanbecompletelyhonestwith,andEstaineistheoneIchoosetobehonestwith.

“DoesBrooksknowabout...everything?”heasks.
Ishakemyhead.“Ican’ttellhim.Imean,Idon’twantto.You’retheonlypersonI’vetold.”
Hesmiles,andIwonderwhathe’sthinking.
“WheredoyouthinkTeaganandJasonare?”Iask,lookingbehindus.Idon’tseethemanywherein

theclearing.

“Probablymakingoutsomewhere,”heanswers.
“Probably,”Iagree,andthenblurtout,“I’veneverkissedaguybefore.”
“Really?”heasks,lookingshocked.“Ifindthatreallyhardtobelieve.”
“It’strue,”Isay.
“Theguysatyouroldschoolwerecompletemorons,”Estainesays.
Brookssaidsomethingreallysimilar.
“Alltheguysherewatchyou,”hesays.“I’msurprisedthatyouhaven’tbeenaskedoutbyhalfthe

malestudents,yet.”

“Teagansaysthateverybodythinkswe’redating,”Iblurtout,beforeIhavetimetoeventhinkaboutit.
Uh.
Mymouthhasnofilter.
“Yeah,IthinkIheardthatsomewhere,”hesays,grinningatme.
“I’msorry.Idon’tmeantobeawkward.”
“Trustme,Ilikeit.”
“IthinkI’mreallycomfortablewithyou,”Isay.“Usually,IonlyblurtthingsoutwhenI’mnervousor

whenI’mreallycomfortablewithsomebody.Like,IalwayssayrandomthingstoCharlie.”

“Iwantyoutobecomfortablewithme,”hesays.“And,likeIsaid,Ilikethatyou’realittlebit

awkward.Itmakesyouseemmore...human.”

“Idon’tseemhuman?”Iask,tryingnottosoundoffended.
“Imean...sometimesyouseemlikeyou’retooperfect.”
Tooperfect?
Isheserious?
“I’mfarfromperfect,trustme,”Isay.“You,ofallpeople,knowthat.I’mlyingtoeverybodyhere.”
“Butyou’redoingitbecauseofyoursafety.It’snotlikeyourlyingbecauseyouwantto,”hesays.

“AndIknowthatyou’renotaliarnormally.”

“Howdoyouknowthat?”
“Becauseyou’reareallybadliar.Youhavetheworstpokerface,”hesays.
Ismileathiswords.
BecauseI’vebeensoworriedaboutallthelying.
Ihatelying.
“Thankyou,”Itellhim.
“Forwhat?”
“Forsayingthat.IfeellikeI’mturningintoapathologicalliar,”Isay.“You’re,literally,theonly

personIcanbemyselfaround,rightnow.”

“Well,thankyouforsharingyoursecretwithme.”
“Weshouldhangoutmoreoften,”Isay.

Becausethisisnice.
BeingwithEstaine.
Beingmyself.
NothavingtowatchwhatIsay.
“I’mdefinitelyokaywiththat,”hesays.

Sunday,August27

Youbetterhavekissedtheboy.

Iamwokenupbyyelling,earlyonSundaymorning.
EmmaisstandingbyTeagan’sbed.Teaganlookslikeshewasjustasrudelyawokenasme.
“What’swrongwithyou?”Teaganasks,lookingattheclock.“It’ssevenonSundaymorning.”
“Whyareyoutired?”Emmaasks,puttingherhandsonherhips.“Maybebecauseyoustayedoutlate,

withoutaskingmetocome?”

“Emma,itwasjustPhoenixandEstainewithJasonandme.Itwasacouples’thing,”Teagansays.
Couple?
SincewhenisshecallingEstaineandmeacouple?
“Icould’vebroughtBryce,”shesays,stillsoundinghurt.
“Nooffense,Emma,butIdidn’twanttolistentoyouandBrycefightingallnight.Ijustwantedto

makeoutwithJasonandPhoenixwantedtodowhatevershedidwithEstaine,”Teagansays.

“Wedon’talwaysfight,”Emmasays.
“Uh,yeah,youdo,”Isay.
Emmaglaresatme,hereyesnarrowed.
Teagannods.“She’sright.Youdo.”
“Iknow,”shesays,lettingoutasigh.“I’msopathetic.IknowIam.ButIlovehim.”
“I’vehearditall,”Teagansays.“Somanytimes,thatIhaveyourspeechesmemorized.Let’sjust...not

talkaboutthatloser.Let’shaveagirls’day.”

“Really?”Emmaasks.
“Absolutely.”Teaganlooksatme.“Youin?”
“Iwouldsayyes,butIhaven’tdonelaundrysinceIgothere,”Isay.“I’mrunningoutofclothes.”
“I’vegotlaundrytodo,too,”Emmasays.
“Me,too,”Teagansays.“Solaundry,junkfoodandboytalkitis.”
“I’mnottalkingaboutBrycetoday,”Emmasays.
“Oh,Iknow.ButIneedtohearaboutwhathappenedwithEstaineandPhoenixlastnight,”Teagan

says,smilingatme.“Youbetterhavekissedtheboy.”

She’sgoingtobedisappointed.

8am.

Laundryandrelationshipdrama.

Anhourlater,weallhaveourclothesinthewashers,coffeeinhand,andarerelaxedinthecomfy

chairsinthelaundryroom.

“Wait,soyouwentonadatewithBrooksyesterdayandadatewithEstainelastnight?”Emmaasks,

hermouthhangingopen.“Youareprettymuchalegend.Yougotthetwohottestguysaroundhere.Not
onlythehottest,butthosetwoboysareimpossibletodate.Theynevershowinterestinanygirl.”

“Maybetheyboththinkpatheticgirlsarecute,”Isay.
“You’renotpathetic,”Teagansays,rollinghereyes,thenlooksatEmma.“Oh,mygosh.Youhavegot

toseeherandEstainetogether.Theyaresoadorable.”

“Bytheway,lastnightwasnotadate,”Isay,rememberingthatEmmasaidIhadtwodatesyesterday.

“EstaineandIwerejusthangingout.”

“YoutwolookedawfullycozywhenJasonandIfoundyouguysonthedock,”Teagansays,thensays

toEmma,“Hehadhisarmaroundherandshehadherheadonhisshoulder.Itwassoadorable.”

“Aw,”Emmasays.“I’mnotsurprisedthatEstaineisinterestedinyou.Alltheboysintheschoolare.

ExceptBryce.Ikindofgetthefeelinghedoesn’tlikeyou.”

Ilaugh.“Oh,Brycedoesn’tlikeme.HefoundoutthatI’mahacker.IwastellingEstaineandJasonthe

otherdayhowIhackedintothisgirl’scellrecords,forherboyfriend,andhefoundoutthatshewas
cheatingonhim.Afterthat,he’skindofstayedawayfromme.Actually,thatwasthedayheencouraged
youtojointhedanceteam.”

Emmagasps.“Doyouthinkhe’scheatingonme?”
“Yes,”TeaganandIsayinunison.
“Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime,”Teagansays.“Orthefifth.”
“ShouldIdumphim?”Emmaasks.
“Yes!”TeaganandIonceagainsaytogether.
“Ireallyshould,shouldn’tI,”Emmasays,smiling.“I’mgoingtodoit.Rightnow.”
Shepullsoutherphone.
Ouch.
Breakupviatext.
Normally,Iwouldstopherandtellhertogotohisdorm.ButBrycedoesn’tdeservetobedumpedto

hisface.Hedeservestobedumpedviatextmessage.

Whilesheistextinghim,IpulloutmyownphonetoseeifIhaveanymessages.Ialmostexpectto

haveonefromBrooks,butmaybehe’sstillasleep.I’msurprisedtoseethatEstainetextedme.Wewere
outlatelastnight.I’dprobablystillbeasleepifitwasn’tforEmma.

ESTAINE:

Hey.

Hey?
Justhey?

ME:Hi.I’mdoinglaundry.Also,EmmaistextingBryceabreak-uptext.Expectlotsofdrama

today;)

ESTAINE:I’mdoinglaundry,too.Andmaybeweshouldjustskipthelunchroomandorderpizza.

ME:YES,PLEASE.

ESTAINE:Haha,okay.Cometomydormlater.

ME:Okay.Seeyoulater!

Myphonevibratesinmyhand,thistimewithatextfromBrooks.

BROOKS:HelloextremelybeautifulgirlwithwhomIhadanepicfirstdate.

Ismileathistext.
Butthen,IthinkaboutwhatEstainesaidyesterdayaboutBrooks.Abouthowhewasareallycrappy

boyfriendtoRiver.

DoIcare?
Kindof.
Butalso,IrealizethatRiverwasinhispast.Hemademistakes,yes,butI’msurehehasgrownfrom

thosemistakes.He’sbecomeabetterperson.Ishouldn’tcompareourrelationshiptohispastone.
Especially,consideringBrookshasn’ttoldmeaboutRiver.Wedefinitelyhavenotgottentotheplacein
ourrelationshipwherehetellsmeabouthisex-girlfriends.Andhedidn’tjustbreakupwithhisex.She
died.Howdoyougetoversomethinglikethat?

Ipushthethoughtstothebackofmymind.

ME:

Hi.

BROOKS:Whatareyouupto?

ME:Laundry.ListeningtoEmma’srelationshipdrama.Shejustbrokeupwithherbfviatext.

BROOKS:Harsh...

ME:Thedudesajerkanddeservesit.

BROOKS:Ah...soundsfun.
BROOKS:Weshouldhangoutagaintoday.

ME:Ican’t.IalreadytoldEstaineI’dhangoutwithhim.Wearegoingtospendtheafternoonin

hisdormeatingpizzaandavoidingourfriends.

BROOKS:I’mnotsureifIshouldbejealousthatyou’rehangingoutwithanotherguy,orhappy

thatyou’renottryingtohideitfromme.

ME:IalreadytoldyouthatEstaineismybestfriend.Nothingmore.
ME:Hetoldmelastnightwhyyouandhedon’tgetalong...

BROOKS:Lastnight?Youguyshungoutlastnight?

ME:Yeah.TeaganwantedtomakeoutwithJason,soIwentwithherandhungoutwithEstaine.

“Hey,noboys,”Teagansays,justnownoticingI’monmyphone.Herownphoneisinherhand.
Irollmyeyesandlockmyphone.Afewsecondslater,whenitvibrates,bothEmmaandsheareusing

theirphones,soIhavenoguiltreadingthetext.

BROOKS:Iamincrediblyjealous,rightnow.
BROOKS:Ican’tbelieveI’msayingthis,butIamcontemplatingcallingmydadandseeingifhe

willletmetransfertoEastRaven.

ME:DO.IT.
ME:Anddon’tbejealous.EstaineandIjusttalked.Weeventalkedsomeaboutyou.

BROOKS:Whatelsedidyoutalkabout?

“Whoareyoutexting?”Teaganasksme.
“First,IwastextingEstaine,butnowBrooks,”Ianswer.“He’sbeingalljealousbecauseIhungout

withEstainelastnight.IkindoflikethatIhavethiskindofpoweroverhim.”

“I’mstillteamEstaine,”shesays.
“I’mhangingoutwithEstainelatertoday.”
“Whathappenedtogirls’day?”Emmaasks.
“YouandTeaganwillhavesomuchmorefunwithoutme,”Isay.
Teaganglaresatme,butIjustsmile,andgobacktotextingBrooks.

ME:Well,firstItoldhimabouthangingoutwithyou.AndthenhetoldmeaboutRiver.Which,

don’tworry...nothingtoobad.Anddon’tfeellikeyouhavetotalktomeaboutyourexgf.It’stooearly
forthat...

BROOKS:

Agree.

BROOKS:Whatelsedidyoutalkabout?

Ithinkbacktoalltheconversationswehad.

ME:Um...loveatfirstsight.

BROOKS:Doyoubelieveinloveatfirstsight?

ME:Nope.
ME:Doyou?

BROOKS:Yes.Definitely,yes.WhatdidEstainesay?

ME:Youreallywantaplaybyplayofourentireconversation?
ME:Estainesaidthatheusedtonotbelieveinloveatfirstsight,buthedoesnow.

BROOKS:Becauseofyou?

ME:Hesaidnosuchthing.

BROOKS:Whatelse?

ME:Hmm...well,hetalkedaboutwhyhedoesn’thaveagirlfriend.Andthat’sprettymuchit.

BROOKS:

Okay.

BROOKS:You’reforrealnotinterestedinhim,right?

Uh.
Whyisheaskingmethis?

ME:Brooks,ESTAINEANDIAREJUSTFRIENDS.

“I’vedecidedthatjealousyisnolongercute,”ItellTeagan.
Shelooksupfromherphoneandsmiles.“Good.’CauseI’mtotallyteamEstaine.”
Irollmyeyesather.
“Whichguydoyoulikebetter?”Emmaasks.“Because,that’sallthatmatters.”
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Tobehonest,I’mnotreadytobeinarelationshipwitheitheroneofthem.

Iliterallyjustmetthemboth,like,nineortendaysago.AfterIgettoknowthem,thenIwilldecide.But
Brooksisactinglikewe’reinarelationshipalready.IguessIjustwanttoslowlygettoknoweachoneof
them,andthendecide.”

“Whichonemakesyourheartgopitterpatter?”Teaganasks.
Ijustgrin,notknowingwhattosay.
Brookshasmademyheartracefromdayone.SincethemomentIlaideyesonhim.AndIguessthat

hadmoretodowithmebeingattractedtohisphysicalappearance,thananythingelse.

ButEstaine...Iwasalwaysattractedtohim,butIdidn’tevenstarttothinkofhiminmorethana

friendlywayuntilTeaganstartedteasingmeaboutit.Ormaybe,itwaswhenIstartedtalkingtohimand
gottoknowhim.ButIdon’tevenknowifEstaineisinterestedinme.

Eitherway,I’mnotreadyforacommittedrelationship.I’monlysixteenandIhaveplentyoftimeto

findaboyfriend.Estaineisright.Highschoolrelationshipsdohavetoomuchdrama,andIhatedrama.
Whenthetimeisright,I’llknowit.Untilthen,Iwillenjoyeverysecondofbeingsingle.

12pm.

Athing.

“Whatdoyoulikeonyourpizza?”Estaineasks,ashesitsathiscomputer.Iamcurrentlylyingonhis

bed,lookingattheceiling.Hehassomekindofprojectorthingthatprojectsthesolarsystemontohis
ceiling.It’stoolightoutsidetotrulyenjoyit,butIstilllikeit.

“Everythingbutpepperoniandanchovies,”Isay.
Imean,wholikesanchoviesonpizzas?Gross.
“Youdon’tlikepepperoni?”
“Nope.”
“Whynot?That’sjust...weird,”hesays.“Everybodylikespepperoni.”
Isitupandlookathim.“Idon’tlikepepperonibecauseit’sgrossandgreasy.Somethingabouthowit

curlsupandhasapoolofgreaseineachroundpepperonigrossesmeout.”

“Thegreaseiswhatmakesitdelicious,”hesays.“Butfine.Nopepperoni.Icanlivewiththat.Wecan

getameatloverswithoutpepperoni.”

“Sure,”Isay.
Whatisitwithguysandmeat?IfthiswereTeaganandIorderingpizza,we’dprobablyjustgeta

veggiepizza.CharliealwaysorderedameatloverswithoutpepperonionFridaynightswhenwewould
hangout.

“Doyouwantbreadsticks?”heasks.
“YES.That’smyfavoritepart,”Ianswer.“Extramarinarasauce,please.”
Helooksoveratmeandsmiles.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverseensomebodygetsoexcitedover

breadsticks.”

Ijustshrug.“Ilovecarbs.”
“You’resocute,”hesays.

Ifallbackontothebedandcovermyfacewithhispillow.“Iamnot.”
Hispillowsmellslikehim.
Imovethepillow.
Seriously,howdoIknowhowhesmells?
“Ordered,”hesays,shuttinghislaptop.“It’llbehereinthirtyminutes.”
“Awesome.”
BecauseI’mhungry.
Iavoidedthedininghallandskippedbreakfast.IwasgladthatIchosetoskip,afterTeagancame

backlookingverystressed.ApparentlyEmmaandBrycegotintoascreamingmatchthatboughtthemboth
afterschooldetentionforthemonth.Separateddetention.Obviously,theycan’thandlebeinginthesame
roomtogether.

“Scootover,”Estainesaystome.
Ido,andputthepillowbehindmyheadsoIcansitupslightlyashesitsbesideme.
“Whatmoviedoyouwanttowatch?”heasks.
“Whydon’twewatchaTVshow?”
“WhatTVshowdoyouwanttowatch?”
“It’sbeenforeversinceIwatchedSmallville,”Isay.“And,incaseyoudidn’tknow,Ilove

Superman.”

“WecandoSmallville,”hesays,smilingatme.“DidIevertellyouthatyouarethecoolestchick,

ever?Becauseyouare.”

“Thanks.Ithink,”Isay.
Hegetsupandgoesthroughsomethinginhisdresserdrawers.Ilaughwhenhepullsoutthecomplete

tenseriesdiscsofSmallville.

“YoulikeSmallvilleenoughthatyoubroughttheentireserieswithyoutoschool?”Iask.
Henods.
“Iownitondigital,”Isay.“Okay,butifwestartthis,youhavetopromisenottowatchitwith

anybodyelse.Thiscanbeourthing.”

“Okay,”hesays.“EverySundayafternoon.”
“Okay,”Isay.
EstaineandIhaveathing.
Ashepopsinthedisc,Ican’thelpbutwonderifBrookswouldbejealous.Imean,he’salreadyacted

sojealoustowardsEstaine.

WouldIbejealousifhewashangingoutwithagirlthisafternoon?
Tobehonest,Idon’tknow.Idon’tthinkIwould.But,maybe.Iwon’tknowuntilI’minthatsituation.
IhearmyphonevibrateonEstaine’snightstandandIfigureit’sBrooks,butIchoosetoignoreitasthe

episodestarts.I’lltexthimlatertonight,becauseevenifIdodecidethatIwantBrookstobemy
boyfriend,Idon’twanttobeoneofthosegirlswhosewholeliferevolvesaroundaguy.I’mstrongerthan
that.

Plus,IdonotwanttobelikeEmma.
Heck,Emmadoesn’twanttobelikeEmma.
IknowEmmadoesn’twanttobeintherelationshipshe’sin,butit’shard.ShelovedBryce,andshe

literallycan’tgetawayfromhimatschool.Ithinkit’sgoodthatthey’rebothchoosingtogotodifferent
colleges,becauseitwillhelpthem.Distanceiswhatthosetwodesperatelyneed.

Ortodateotherpeople.
Well,itsoundslikeBryceisdatinglotsofotherpeople.
IputmyheadoveronEstaine’sshoulderaswewatchtheshow,justbecauseit’scomfortablethere.

Heputshisarmaroundme,andI’mthinkingthatIjustfitthereperfectly.

“Thisisnice,”hesaysquietly.
“Itis.”
Reallynice.
Inaway,EstaineremindsmeofCharlie.Notinthebrotherlysense,becausethatisnotthecase.It’s

just...I’msocomfortablewithEstaine.EventhoughIjustmethim,IfeellikeIcanbemyselfaroundhim
andIfeellikeIcantellhimanything.

Ialreadyhavetoldhimeverything.HeknowsthetruthaboutwhoIam,andnobodyelseintheschool

knows.NotTeagan.NotevenBrooks.Though,tobefair,Ihaven’tgottospendasmuchtimewithBrooks,
becausehegoestoWestRaven.

Aboutthirtyminutesintotheshow,Estainegetsacall.Ourpizzaishere.Hepausestheshowandgoes

tograbourpizza.Hesayswecaneatonthebed,butIinsistweeatonthefloor.Ican’tstandforthereto
becrumbsinthebed.It’s,like,mynumberonepetpeeveinlife.WhenItoldhimthat,helaughedandtold
meIwasweird,whichIalreadyknew.

IhavenoideawhatisgoingonwithEstaineandme,butwhatIdoknowisthatIenjoyhangingout

withhim.

I’mgladItoldhimthetruth.

Monday,August28

Somethinghappened.

Iwakeupinanextra-goodmood,whichisweirdforaMondaymorning.
Yesterday,IhungoutinEstaine’sdormuntilcurfew.Thankfully,Iwasnotlate.So,nomoreadded

detention.

AtleastIgettododetentionwithEstaine.Itwon’tbesobadwithhim.
Today,Iamwearingawhitefittedshirtthatsays,‘HelloMondayYouJerk.’
Thedresscodeatthisschoolisweird.
Allthegirlshavetowearskirts,whichisnormalforprivateschools.Theskirtshavetobeblack,

khaki,orplaid.SinceIhatekhaki,Iownatonofblackandplaidskirts.Butwecanwearwhatevert-
shirtswithsayingsonthem.

Theskirtlengthsareweirdthough.Wefollowthefingertiprule,whichmeanssomeofthegirlswear

theirskirtsreallyshort.Buttheguysatschoolcan’twearshortsanyshorterthantheirknees.Shouldn’t
bothgirlsandguyshavethesameruleonthelengthoftheirclothes?

IputmyConverseonandseeTeaganshakingherheadatme.
“What?”Iask.
“Everyday,Ispendanhourgettingreadyandyouthrowonthefirstthingyoucangrab,andyoustill

lookcuterthanme,”shesays.

Teaganispretty.
Wayprettierthanme.
“You’recrazy,”Isay.
“Theguysherelikeyou.”
“Onlybecausetheydidn’tseemegothroughpuberty,liketheydidyou,”Isay.
“Validpoint,”shesays.
“Andguysherelikeyou,too.”
“NottheoneIwanttolikeme.”
“Who?”Iask.
“That’snotimportant,”shesays.
“That’snotfair.YouknowallaboutmycrushonBrooksandEstaine.”
“So,youadmityouhaveacrushonEstaine?”sheasks.
“No.Iadmitnothing,”Isay.
Shejustsmiles.“Toolate.Youalreadysaidit.Can’ttakeitback,now.”
“Whatever,”Isay.Shebasicallyalreadyknewit,anyway.Like,IthinksheknewitbeforeIknewit.
Amomentofpanichitsme.
“Wait,youdon’tlikeEstaine,doyou?”Iask.
“What?No.Noway,”sheanswers.“IpromiseyouthattheguyIhaveacrushonisnotEstaineor

Brooks.”

“Okay,good,”Isay,lettingoutabreath.
Nothingcanruinafriendshipmorethanfriendscrushingonthesameguy.Thatwouldbebad.Teagan

istheonlygirlfriendI’vehadsinceIwasinmiddleschool,andIdonotwanttoruinit.

Wewalktothedininghalltogetherandgrabsomecoffeeandfood.Wejoinourfriends,andIamglad

toseethatBryceisnotsittingthere.He’ssittingontheothersideofthecafeteriawithsomeoftheguys
fromthefootballteam.

Phew.

Nodramathismorning.
“Niceshirt,”Jasonsaystome.
“Thanks,”Isay,takingaseatbyEstaine.Itseemstobemydesignatedseat.Everybodykindofsitsin

thesamespoteveryday.

“Hey,”Estainesays.
“Hi,”Isay.
“HowwasyourMMAtrainingthismorning?”heasks.
“Good,”Ianswer.“ExceptUncl...umm...”Icough.“Mytrainergotalittleroughandaccidentally

punchedmeinthearm.”Iliftupmysleeveandshowhimthepurplishbruisethatisstartingtoformonmy
forearm.

“Ouch,”hesays.
“Yep,”Isay,pullingthesleevebackinplace.Ifeelmyphonevibrateinmypocket.“Iwhinedaboutit

andheprettymuchtoldmetoquitbeingsuchagirl,andsuckitup.”

“Harsh,”Estainesays.
Ilaugh,pullingoutmyphone.“He’snotnice.Hesaysthatit’sbettertobetorturedbyhimthan...”
MyvoicecutsoffasIreadthetext.

UNCLEMATTY:Thisisnotatest.Run,don’twalk.Gethereasfastasyoucan.Something

happened.

Idon’tsayanythingtomyfriends.IjustjumpupandrunoutofthecafeteriaasfastasIcan.Irun

straighttomycar,suddenlythankfulforalltherunningthatUncleMattymakesmedoeverymorning.I’m
fasterbecauseofit.

AsIstartmycar,thepassengersidedooropensandIwatchEstainegetin.Idon’targue.Assoonas

hisdoorisshut,Iputmycarinreverseandbackoutoftheparkingspot.Iputitintofirstgearandpush
downonthegasashardasIcan.IseeEstainereachforhisseatbelt,butIdon’tbotherwithmine.

“Igrabbedyourphone,”Estainesays,holdingupmyphoneinhishand.
“Thanks,”Isay,notatallconcernedaboutmyphone.I’mmoreconcernedaboutmyfamily.
“Wow,Ididn’tknowthiswasouthere,”hesays,aswepullupinfrontofUncleMattyandJake’s

house.

Thisplacewouldbesuperhardtofind,evenbyaccident.It’ssupposedtobethatway.Idon’tthink

UncleMattyandJakearethefirstpeopletouseit.Iguessalotofimportantstudentshavegonetoschool
hereinthepast.

NotthatI’mimportant.
Butmydadis.
Andmylifeisindangerbecauseofit.
Ijumpoutofthecar,slammingthedoorshutbehindme.Idon’tlookback,butIknowthatEstaineis

followingme.

Ilovethatheisfollowingme.
“Whatisgoingon?”Iask,asIthrowthefrontdooropen.
UncleMattyandJakebothhavegrimlooksontheirfaces.
“Whydon’tyousitdown,”Jakesays.
IhearEstainewalkinthedoorbehindme.IgotositonthecouchandwaitforUncleMattyandJake

toyellatmeforbringinghim.Buttheydon’t.Whichscaresme.Somethingreallybadmusthave
happened.

ThecouchdipsdownslightlyasEstainesitsbesideme.
“Didsomebodydie?”Iask.

Beforeanybodyanswers,it’sasifthemomentslowsdown.Everysecondticksslower.Everybreath,

thoughcomingtooshortandfast,isslower.Evenmyheartisbeatingwaytooslowforthismoment.

“Nobodyisdead,”UncleMattyanswers.
Isuckinabreath.MyfirstdeeponesinceIgottheurgenttextmessagefromthem.Igulpdownthe

oxygen,notrealizinguntilthatmomentjusthowdizzyIwasgetting.

Estainegrabsmyhand,distractingmefromthedizziness.Ileanintohimandwaitforthenews.
Whateveritis,it’snotgood.
Butatleastnobodyisdead.
“SomethinghappenedinMalibulastnight,”UncleMattysays.
“Charlie...Mom...Rick...”
“They’renothurt,”hesaysquickly.“Butyourhouse...I’msorry,Phoenix.Yourhousewasburnttothe

ground.Thankfully,everybodygotoutintime.Butbecauseofit,theyhavehadtogointohiding.”

“CanItalktothem?”Iask.
“I’mafraidnot,”Jakesays.“Rightnow,it’stoodangerous.Iftheterroristsfindyouorthem,any

phonecommunicationcouldleadthemrighttous,orthem.Wecan’thavethat.Andrightnow,ournumber
onepriorityisyou.”

“No,”Isay,feelingangrythathe’sevensayingthat.“Charlieisthenumberonepriority.Mymom.

Rick.Notme.Keepthemsafe.IwouldturnmyselfintothesestupidterroristsifIknewitwouldkeep
themsafe.”

“Itwon’t,”UncleMattysays.“Don’teventhinkaboutdoinganythingstupid.”
“Iwon’t,”Isay.“OnlybecauseIknowitreallywouldn’tprotectthem.”
“Forsafety,we’vedecidedtopullyououtofschoolforthenextcoupleofdays.You’restayingon

campus,butyou’restayinghere,”Jakesays.“Thatway,ifsomethinghappens,wecanrunquickly.We’ll
gowithyoutopackabag.”

“WhatamIsupposedtotellmyfriends?”Iask.
Jake’seyesglanceatEstaine,thenbackatme.“Wewillthinkofsomething.Maybewewilltellthem

anauntoracousindiedandyouhadtogotothefuneral.Thedeanalreadyknowswhat’sgoingon,and
he’sexcusedyoufromallyourclasses.”

“Whataboutsoccerpractice?Istillhaven’tgoneandwehaveourfirstgamenextweek,”Isay.
“Maybeit’sbestyoudropoutofsoccer,”UncleMattysays.“Iknowthatyouloveit,butthingsare

reallyoutofourcontrol,rightnow.”

Isigh.“You’reright.”
“CanIcomevisit?”Estaineasks.“Whileshe’shere,Imean.”
UncleMattynowlooksatme.“Caretoexplainwhatprettyboyisdoinghere?”
IlaughatEstaine’snickname.
Prettyboy.
Itfitshim,really.
“Heknows.Itoldhim,”Isay.“Iwastalkingtohimaboutmyfamilyandkindofletafewthingsslip.I

triedtocoverthemup,butwhileIwashangingoutwithhim,mydadcalled.Hesawhisnameonthe
screenandIcouldn’texactlykeepsayingmyparentsweredeadwhenmydadwasobviouslycallingme.
So,Itoldhimthetruth.”

“Don’tyouthinkyoushould’vetalkedtousaboutit?”UncleMattyasks.
“Yes.ButthenIdecidedIdidn’twantyoutoyellatme,orworse,makemechangeschools,”Isay.
Heletsoutanannoyedsigh.“Okay.Iwon’tyell.ButI’mtellingyourdadandstepmomnottocallyou

ortextyou.Youhavetomakethecontactfirst.”

“Okay,”Isay,knowingthat’sprobablyforthebest.
“Also,wearegoingtobewiringyou,”JakesaystoEstaine.

“Wait,what?”Iask.
“Basically,we’llbemonitoringhisphonecallsandeverywordhesaystohisfriendstomakesurehe

doesn’ttellanybodywhoyoureallyare,”UncleMattysays.“Don’ttrytofightit,becausethatwillbethe
onlywayyouwillbeallowedtostayatthisschool.Also,don’ttellanybodyelse.Ifyoudo,wewillbe
gone.”

“Okay,”Isay,thenlookatEstaine.“I’msorry.Areyouokaywiththis?Ifnot,Iwillgo.”
Pleasebeokaywiththis.
Please.
Please.
Please.
“Okay,”Estainesays.“Whateverittakestokeepherhere,Iwilldo.”
Reliefwashesovermewithhisanswer.Iwouldn’thaveblamedhimforsayingno.ButIreally,really

wantedhimtosayyes.

“Thankyousomuch,”Itellhim.
“Youguysaren’tgoingtostartkissing,right?”Jakesays.“BecauseIdon’twanttoseethat...”
Irollmyeyesathimandfeelmyfaceheatup.“No.Please,just,stop.You’reworsethanCharlie.”
“Hey,I’myourfakeoldercousin.I’msupposedtoteaseyou,”hesays.
ItookatEstaine,gladtoseethathe’ssmiling.“Sorryabouthim.Actually,sorryaboutthem.Andyes,

theyarealwaysthisintense.”

“It’sokay,”Estainesays.“Ishouldprobablygotoschool.Unlikeyou,Idon’thave...bodyguardsto

getmeoutofschool.”

“They’renotbodyguards.They’resecretservice,”Isay.“Don’tbegivingthemideas.”
“Wow.”
“Yep,”Isay,thenlookatUncleMatty.“ThinkyoucangetEstaineoutofschooltoday?”
“WhywouldIdothat?”heasks.
“BecauseifEstaineishere,Iwon’tbugyou,”Isay,grinningbig.Iknowhe’sgoingtocave.
“PhoenixBlack,Iswear...”hesays.“Fine.I’llcallthedean.”
“Thankyou,”Isay,thenlookatEstaine.“Youcoolwithit?”
“Areyoukidding?I’mabsolutelyfinewithit,”Estainesays.“It’sweirdhearingyoucalledPhoenix

Black.”

“That’smyname,”Isay.
“Iknow.ButI’veonlyknownyouasPhoenixUnderwood,”hesays.
“Yeah.Ihatehavingtouseafakename,butIguessit’sformysafety,orwhatever,”Isay.
Mysafetyisdefinitelyimportant.
Especially,astheterroristsgetmoreandmoreaggressive.
“Hey,Jake.I’mhungry,”Itellhim.“Ididn’tgettoeatmybreakfast.”
Jakerollshiseyes.“DoIlooklikeyourslave?”
“Isthatarhetoricalquestion?”Iask.
“Whatdoyouwant?”heasks.
“Bacon.Lotsofbacon,”Ianswer.“Andeggs.Overmedium.Maybesomepancakestoo.”Ilookat

Estaine.“Whatdoyouwant?”

“Same,”heanswers.
IlookbackatJake.“Thanks.”
“You’remorebossythanmyfouryearold,”hesays,ashewalkstowardsthekitchen.
AsJakeisleavingtheroom,UncleMattywalksbackin,phoneinhishand.
“Here’sthestory,”UncleMattysays.“Yourcousin...umm...whateveryouwanttocallhimorher,

died.Youwantedyourboyfriendtogowithyou.SoEstainecame.Thatiswhatyou’lltellkidswhenyou

bothgobacktoschoolinafewdays.”

“Estaineisn’tmyboyfriend,”Isay.
“Thedeanoftheschoolseemstothinkso,”hesays.“Whyelsewouldhegotoyourcousin’sfuneral?

He’sofficiallyyourboyfriend.Congratulations.”

UncleMattywalksbackoutoftheroomandIturntoEstaine.
“I’msorry,”Isay.“Idraggedyouintoallof...this.”
“It’sfine.Wewilldealwiththeconsequences,”hesays.“It’llallworkout.”
“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,I’llletyoudumpmeinaverypublicwaywhenwegoback.I’lleven

shedafewtearstomakeitmorebelievable,”Isay.

“Youcanfakecry?”heasks.
“WhosaysI’llbefaking?”Iask,completelyjoking.“WhenIwasaboutthirteen,Charliedatedthis

girlwhowasconvincedshewasthenextbigdealinHollywood.Shegotsomekindofactingjobina
commercial.Itwasridiculous.Butshewantedtotakesomeactingclasses,andsheforcedmetodoit
withher.WequitafterabouttenclassesbecausetheteacherkepttellingmehowgoodIwas,buthe
ignoredher.Shortlyafter,Charliedumpedherandshehasn’thadanactingjobsince.”

“Areyougoingtobeanactress?”Estaineasks.
“Heck,no,”Ianswer.“Mystepdadisaproducer,andIhavemetenoughfamouspeopletoknowthatI

wanttostayasfarawayfromthelimelightaspossible.Although,onetimeIwasonthisrealityshow,
completelybyrandomcoincidence.Ididn’tevennoticetheywererecording.Myfriendsawmeonthe
showandsentmetheclip.”

“IguessyouseealotoffamouspeopleinMalibu.”
“Enoughthatit’snotabigdeal,”Ianswer.“ButIwenttohighschoolwithcelebrities,so...”
“Wow,”hesays.“That’scrazy.”
“Iguess,”Isay.“So,whatarewegoingtodoaroundhereforthenextfewdays?”
“I’mthinkingSmallville.”
Ilaugh.“Okay.”

Tuesday,August29

We’reentertaining.

Idon’twakeupuntilalmostnoonthenextday,whichIfullyblameonEstaine.Hejustkeptsayingone

moreepisode,untilitwasfourinthemorningandwehadfinishedseasontwo.Andwewillprobablydo
thesamethingagaintoday.

Idecidetocheckmyphonebeforegettingoutofbed.IjustkindofignoreditalldayyesterdayandI

canonlyimaginethatIhaveazillionmessages.WhenIpoweritup,myphonejustkeepsgoingofffor,
like,asolidminutestraight.

Wow.
That’salotofmessages.
IseeBrooks’nameamongthemanyofnames.Iwaituntillasttocheckhis.

TEAGAN:Whattheheck?WheredidyouandEstainerunoffto?

Twohourslater.

TEAGAN:Ateacherjusttoldusaboutyourcousindying.I’msorry.

Anotherhourlater.

TEAGAN:IjustheardthatEstaineisyourBOYFRIEND.Thisbetterbeasickjoke,becauseI’m

yourbestfriend.Ishouldknowthisstuffbeforeeverybodyelse.

Ilaughathertextbeforereplying.

ME:Hey.Sorry.Yesterdaywasacrazyday.Iprobablywon’tbebackuntilThursdaymorning.And

thewholeEstainethingkindofjusthappened.Like,trustme,itsurprisedmetoo.Please,don’thate
me.Loveyou,bye!

ThenextfewmessagesareallverysimilartoTeagan’s.IhavemessagesfromEmma,Penelope,Zoey,

SamanthaandJason.IprettymuchtellthemthesamethingItoldTeagan.

ThelastpersonIclickonisBrooks.

BROOKS:Youdidn’ttextmebacklastnightafteryou“hungout”withEstaine.
BROOKS:Andyou’renottextingmebacknow.
BROOKS:Areyoumadatme?

Threehourslater.

BROOKS:WhateverIdid,I’msorry.

Twohourslater.

BROOKS:Okay,nowIamstartingtoworry.
BROOKS:Atleastletmeknowyou’realive.

Anotherhourlater.

BROOKS:ItextedoneofmyfriendsfromEastRavenandfoundoutyourcousindiedandthat

you’reoffcampus.I’msosorry.Ihopeyou’reokay.Textmeback.

Isendhimaquickmessagesohewon’tworry.
ButifhefoundoutthatI’moffcampusformycousin’sfakefuneral,howeasywoulditbeforhimto

findoutthatEstaineismyfakeboyfriend?

ME:Hey.SorryIdidn’trespond.I’mokay.Can’ttalk,though.Lotsoffamilydrama.Bye!

Ishutmyphoneoffagain,notwantingtodealwithanymoremessagesfromanybody.
TheonlypersonIwanttocallrightnowisCharlie.Iwanttohearhisvoice,butIknowitwon’tbea

possibility.Notjustformysafety,buthisaswell.AstemptedasIamtodefytherulesandcallhim,I
won’t.Icouldneverlivewithmyselfifsomethingbadhappenedtohimbecauseofme.

Idecidetojustgetoutofbed,becauseIdon’twanttothinkaboutitanymore.WhenIwalkintothe

kitchen,IseeEstainesittingthere,eatingfood.Jakeisbythestove,cooking.

“Didyouhaveazillionmessagesthismorning?”IaskEstaine,sittingbesidehimonthebarstool.
“Yep,”heanswers.“Prettymucheveryguyonthefootballteamtextedmetosaycongratulationson

gettingahotgirlfriend.”

Thiscausesmetolaugh.
“Alltheguysatschoolthinkyou’rehot,”hesays.
“No,theydon’t,”Isay.
“Yes,theyactuallydo,”hesays,thenshowsmethetexts.
“Whattheheck?”Iask.“Theseguysneedtheireyesexamined.”
“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,Brycesentthis,”hesays,holdinguphisphone.

BRYCE:Yourgirlfriendisacrazycomputerhacker.Makesureyoudon’ttextothergirlsorshe’ll

goallpsychoonyou.

Ilaugh.“Atleastsomebodyhatesme.”
“Onlyyouwouldbeexcitedthatsomebodyhatesyou,”Estainesays.
Jakesetsahugeplateoffooddown,infrontofme.“Yourfatherhadbettergivemearaiseafterthis.”
“ShouldIsendyourwifeaphotoofyouinanapron?”Iask.
“Don’t.Shedoesn’tknowIcancookandI’dratherkeepitthatway,”hesays.
Mymouthfallsopen.“Well,I’mdefinitelytextinghernow.”
“I’mkidding,Phoenix,”Jakesays.“OfcoursesheknowsIcancook.I’magoodhusband.Now,

excusemewhileIgosomewhereIdon’thavetolistentotwoteenagerstalkallday.”

“We’reentertaining!”Iyell,ashewalksoutofthekitchen.
Hedoesn’treply.
“Seriously,whatarewegoingtodoaboutthefactthatnoweverybodythinkswe’redating?”Iask

Estaine,feelingalittlebitawkwardaboutthewholesituation.Seeingallmyfriends’textshasmadethis
wholethingfeelmore...real.

“I’mgoingtoenjoyit,”hesays.“It’snoteverydaythatallthemalesinschoolarejealousofme.”

“Yeah,andwhatareyougoingtodowheneverybodyexpectsustobeallloveydoveyandkissand

stuff?”Iask.

“So,Igettomakeoutwithabeautifulgirl.Howhardisthatgoingtobe?”heasks.
MyfacegrowswarmandIdesperatelywanttochangethesubject.
“ThereisonemorethingthatIliedabout,”Itellhim.
“What’sthat?”heasks.
“Ididn’treallygetkickedoutofmyoldschoolforhackingthecomputers.Imean,Ididhackthe

computers,buttheschooladministrationhasnoideathatIdidit,”Isay.“Sinceaboutoneweekintomy
freshmanyear,kidshavebeengoingonsocialmediaandtheschoolhasnoidea.”

Estainelaughs.“Youknow,thatjustmakesyoumuchmoreawesome,right?”
“ItriedtoconvinceUncleMattyandJaketoletmehaveacoolerstory.Like,IwantedtosayIgot

kickedoutofmyoldschoolforarson,”Isay.“Accidentalarson,ofcourse.Butitwould’vebeen
awesome.”

“Idon’tknow.Ican’tseeyouburningdownaschool,”hesays.
“Youknow,IdidlightCharlieonfireonetime.Itwasanaccident,”Isay.“Abadincidentof

sparklersgonewrong.Hejumpedintothepoolbeforehegothurt,soitwasallgood.Therewasalsoan
incidentonetimewithaflamingmarshmallow,butI’llspareyouthedetails.”

“What?No,”hesays.“Nowyouhavetotellme.”
“Uh,fine,”Isay,liftingmylegsohecanseethesmallscaronmycalf.“Youcanhardlyseethescar

now.IthappenedwhenIwastwelve.Charliestilllikestolaughaboutit,butithurtreallybad.Ihadto
stayinthehospitalforaweekbecauseitgotinfected.”

“Wow.Remindmetostayawayfromyouwheneveryou’rearoundfire,”Estainesays.
“Haha,”Isay.

5pm.

I’mneverboredwithyou.

WhilewatchingSmallvillethatafternoon,EstaineandItalk.
Well,talkingisprettymuchallwe’vedoneforthepasttwodays,because,whatelseareyoudoingto

dowhenyoucan’tleavethehouse?

“I’mexcitedfortheweekend,”Estainesays.“Forusnortherners,it’sourlastchancetogotothe

beachbeforeitgetstoocold.”

“I’mexcitedtoo.It’sgoingtobefun,”Isay.“I’veneverbeentoTheHamptonsbefore.”
“You’llloveit.”
“She’snotgoing,”UncleMattysays,ashewalksintothelivingroom.
“Whynot?”Iask.“That’snotfair.”
“It’snotamatterofbeingfair.It’samatterofsafety,”hesays.“Rightnow,thereistoomuchatrisk

andyourlifeisnotsomethingI’mwillingtorisk.”

Iwanttobemad.
Iwanttoyellathim.
ButIunderstand.So,Ican’t.
It’sstillfrustratingthough.
“I’llstayoncampus,”Isay,lettingoutasigh.“IguessI’llbeherebymyself,becauseeverybodyelse

isgoingoffcampus.”

“Iwillstaywithyou,”Estainesays.

“No,”Isay.“Don’t.Thatwouldjustmakemefeelbadforruiningyourplans.”
“Seriously,Idon’tmind,”hesays.“I’dhonestlyratherspendtheweekendwithyou,anyway.”
StayingoncampuscouldsparemesomepotentiallyawkwardmomentswithBrooks.
Brooks...whatamIgoingtotellhim?Ican’texplaintohimthatI’mnotreallydatingEstaine.Ican’t

explaintohimeverythingthat’sgoingon.Ican’teventhinkofaliethatcouldconvincehim.

HeisgoingtohatemeandIcan’tevenblamehimforit.
“Areyousure?”IaskEstaine,hatingthatI’mtakingawaythetimeheusuallyspendsatthebeach.
“Absolutely,”hesays.
“It’llbeboringoncampus.”
“I’mneverboredwithyou.”
UncleMattystandsup.“Ithinkthatismycuetoleavethetwoofyoualone.”
IignorehimandturntowardsEstaine.
“Whataboutyourparty?”Iask.
Heshrugs.“Iwasn’treallyinthemoodtodoitthisyearanyway.Itwasalwaysmysister’sthing.”
Myheartachesforhimatthementionofhissister.
“WhatdoyouusuallydoforLaborDay?”heasks.
“Well,myschooldidn’tstartuntilafterLaborDay.Lastyear,CharlieandIwereatRick’shousein

Hawaii,”Ianswer.“Butwedon’talwaysdothat.Ithinktheyearbefore,thewholefamilywenttoTahiti.
Ormaybethatwastwoyearsago.IthinkwewenttoGreeceoneyear.”

“AndRickisyourstepdad,right?”
Inod.“Charlie’sdad.”
“Yougetalongwithhim?”
“Yeah.IloveRick.Ilovemystepmom,Nora,too,”Isay.
“Wasitweirdtogetusedtohavingaparentwhoisn’tyourbiologicalparent?”heasks.
“Norawaseasytogetusedto.Iwasfourteenwhenmydadmarriedher.ButIlivedwithmymom,so

itwasn’tlikeIhadtogetusedtolivingwithher,”Isay.“IhadahardertimewithRick.Iwasten.AndI
wasusedtoitjustbeingMomandme.Wemovedintotheirhouseafterthewedding,andgettingusedto
livingwithtwoboyswashard.Ihateditforaboutthreemonths,butthenonedayIwokeupandrealized
thatsomehow,CharlieandRickhadbecomefamily.”

“Myparentsaregettingdivorced,”Estainesays.“Ihaven’ttoldanybodybecauseIdon’twantto

believeit,yet.”

Iscootclosertohim,puttingmyarmaroundhim.“Divorcesucks.Iwasfourwhenmyparentssplit

up,butIrememberit.”

“Theyusedtobereallyhappy.Before...River...Ialwayslookeduptotheirmarriage.Iwantedalove

likethat,”hesays.“Ijustreallywishshewasalive.Idon’tthinkthey’dbegettingdivorcedifshewas,
buteveniftheywere,Icouldgetthroughthiswithherhere.”

Mychesttightens.
IfeelsobadforEstaine.
AndIhavenoideawhattosaytohim.Whatdoyousaytosomebodywhoisstillmourningthelossof

hissister,andisnowabouttolosetheonlystabilityinhislife?

“I’msorry.Thisprobablyallseemstootrivialcomparedtowhatyou’regoingthrough,”hesays.
“No.Seriously,nobodyIlovehasdied,”Isay.
He’squietforamomentbeforehefinallyrelaxes.
“You’reagoodperson,Phoenix,”Estainesays.
Hiswordsmakemefeelgood,becauseIhaven’tfeltlikeagoodpersonlately.
“Idon’tfeelgood,”Iadmit.“I’mlyingtoeverybody.”
“Noteverybody,”hesays.“You’renotlyingtome.Notanymore.”

Inod,feelingalittlebetter.“Whatabouteverybodyelse?Notonlythat,butnowyouhavetoliefor

me.I’vebroughtyouintomycrazy,dangerouslife.”

“Ibasicallyforcedmywayin,”hesays.
“True,”Isay.“It’smainlyyou’refaultthatyouhavetopretendtobemyboyfriendnow.”
Hegrins.“Trustme,it’snotthatmuchofahardship.”
Estainedoesn’tsayanythingelse,whichleavesmewondering...whatdidhemeanbythat?

Wednesday,August30

Scared?

ByWednesday,EstaineandIareboredoutofourminds,beinglockedinthisstupidhouse.Inever

thoughtI’dactuallybeexcitedaboutgoingbacktoschool,butIam.Imissallmyfriends.

Seriously,whatwouldIhavedoneifEstainehadn’tbeenherewithme?Itwouldhavebeenone

hundredtimesworse...beinginthehousewithjustUncleMattyandJake.

UncleMattywakesmeupearlyforourMMAlesson.Whilewearetraining,Estainewakesupand

comestowatch.

I’mstillnotthatgood.I’vebeendoingthislessthantwoweeks,butIhavemadealotof

improvementsinthatshorttime.Iguessthethoughtofgettingkidnappedagainhasmotivatedme.Iwantto
beabletodefendmyselfandgetaway.

“Putyourfeetfartherapart,”Jakesays,asIkeepeyecontactwithUncleMatty.“You’llgetbetter

balance.”

Eyecontactwasthefirstthingtheytaughtme.Youcanalwaystellyourattacker’snextmovebytheir

eyemovements.

Ispreadmyfeetfarther.
“Good,”Jakesays.
UncleMatty’seyesshifttotheleftandIimmediatelygotoblockthepunch.Hedoesn’tputalotof

forcebehindit.He’sbeenholdingbackabitsinceheaccidentallypunchedmetheotherday.Ithinkhe
feelsbadaboutit.

“Verygood,”UncleMattytellsme.“Let’strysomethingdifferent.”
“Okay,”Isay,standingupstraight.Igrabmybottleofwateroffthegroundandtakeadrink.
“Estaine,you’reup,”UncleMattysays.
“Um...okay,”hesays,warilywalkingovertous.“Whatdoyouneedmetodo?Ihavenoideahowto

doallthis.”

“Butyou’restrong,”UncleMattysays.“Youplayfootball,right?”
Estainenods.
“Ineedyoutoattackherfrombehind.”
“Excuseme?”Estaineasks,thenshakeshishead.“No.Idon’twanttohurther.”
“Ah,comeon,Estaine,”Isay,tauntinghimalittlebit.“I’mnotquitethatfragile.”
“I’vetackledguysalotbiggerthanyou,”hesays.
“Sowhynottry?”Iask.“Scaredyou’lllosetoagirl?”
Iknowthemomenthe’smadeuphismind.Hestartscomingtowardsme,andIdoexactlyasUncle

MattyandJakehavetaughtme.Iusehisownstrengthagainsthim.Thesecondhegetstome,Iusethe
forceofhisattacktothrowhimontotheground.

“What.The.Heck?”Estaineasks,lookingupatme.
Ijustgrin.
“Thisisaproudmoment,”Jakesays.
IholdoutahandtohelpEstaineupandheacceptsit.
“I’mnotsurehowit’spossible,butyoujustbecamewaycooler,”Estainetellsme,ashestandsup.

“Seriously.Youjustthrewmeontothegroundwithouteventrying.Thatwasawesome!”

“Itwasgood,”UncleMattysays.“Butwhatdoyoudoifthepersonhasgrabbedyou?Whatifthey

havetheirarmslockedaroundyouandyoucan’tgetaway?Doitagain,butthistime,Estaine,youputher

inachokehold.Holditastightlyasyoucanwithoutactuallychokingher.”

Estainelooksatme,asiftogetmyapproval.
“It’sbetterIlearnhowtodoitnowagainstyouthanbeputinthissituationinreallifeandhaveno

cluewhattodo,”Isay.

Henodsandwalksbehindme.Heputsonearmaroundmyneck,holdingtight.
“Phoenix,yourememberhowItoldyoutogetoutofthis?”UncleMattyasks.
Idon’tanswer.IjustdowhatIremember.
ItakebothofmyhandsonhisarmandpullashardasIcan.Ican’tcompletelyloosenhisarm,butIdo

itenoughthatIcanspinaroundandfacehim.Nolongerinachokehold,Icanfightbackagainstmy
attacker.Idon’tactuallyhithim,butIdothemotions,showingJakeandUncleMatty.

“Verygood,”Jakesays.
“You’relearningfast,”UncleMattysays,grinninglikeaproudparent,whichmakesmefeelgood.
“MaybeIshouldbetakinglessonstoo,”Estainesays.“MyfakegirlfriendcanfightbetterthanIcan.

Thisisn’tright.”

Istickmytongueoutathimandhelaughs.
“Okay,let’sdoitagain,”UncleMattysays.

Thursday,August31

He’smine.

WhenEstaineandIwalkintothedininghallonThursdaymorning,Isweartheentireplacefallsquiet

astheywatchus.

“Everybodyisstaring,”IwhispertoEstaine.
“Yeah,”hewhispersback.
“Whatdowedo?”Iask.
“Justletthemstare,”hesays,andwalksinfrontofme.
Ifollowhimtothetablewhereourfriendsaresittingandwetakeaseatinourusualspot.Thankfully,

everybodyinthecafeteriastartstalkingagain.Icringe,thinkingthatthey’reprobablytalkingaboutus.

“Hey,guys,”Isay,whenIrealizethatnobodyisgoingtosayanything.
“Justbecauseyouhaveaboyfriendnowdoesn’tmeanyou’renotstillmybae,”Jasonsays,makingme

laugh.

“Actually,”Estainesays,puttinghisarmaroundme,“I’mprettysurethat’sexactlywhatitmeans.”
“Thisisjust...”Teagansays,hervoicetrailingoff.“Unexpected.”
“Areyoukidding?Thosetwohavebeenflirtingsincethefirstdayofschool.I’msurpriseditdidn’t

happensooner,”Iansays.

“Exactly,”Emmasays,agreeingwithhim.
“Ididn’texpectiteither,”Brycesays.
“Likeyou’deverstopthinkingaboutyourselffortwosecondstonoticeanybodyelse,”Emmasays,

hervoicesuddenlycold.

Good.They’restillbrokenup.
Butwhyishesittingatourtable?
“Bytheway,howareyou?”Teaganasks.“Iknowyouwereclosetoyourcousin.”
“Oh,no.Itwasn’tJake.Itwasa...uh...differentcousin,”Isay.“OneIdon’tgettoseethatoften.”
“Still,”shesays.
“I’mokay,”Isay.
“I’mgladthatEstainewenttothefuneralwithyou,”shesays,makingmefeelevenmoreawkward.
“Me,too,”Isay.
Seriously,IhavenoideawhatIwould’vedonewithoutEstainetherethelastfewdays.Iwould’ve

beencompletelyboredoutofmymind.

“Youtwoaregonnabecool,right?”Jasonasks.
“Whatdoyoumean?”Estaineasks.
“Idon’twanttolistentothetwoofyoufightingforthenexttwoyears,”Jasonsays.
“Dude,nofighting,”Estaineanswers.“She’sintoMMAandcantotallykickmybutt.”
Igrinathisconfession.“Don’tworry,Jason.Wewon’tbefighting.”
“MMA?Seriously?”Jasonasks,hismouthslightlyopen.“Isthereanythingyoucan’tdo?”
“Lotsofthings,”Ianswer.
“Likewhat?”
“Ican’tletyouknowmyweaknesses.Youmightusethemagainstme,”Isay.
“Ialreadyknowoneweakness,”hesays,lookingatEstaine.“I’mreallyhappyforyoutwo.Youmake

agoodcouple.”

“Thanks,man,”Estainesays.

Myfacewarmsatthecompliment.
Ifonlytheyallknewthatiswasfake.
Alittlelater,Estaine,myfriends,andIallpartwayssoIcanheadtomyfirstclassoftheday...

EnglishwithMr.Anderson.Poetry,actually,andIdislikepoetry.Imean,someofit’sbeautiful,butIcan’t
seemtoeverfigureoutthehiddenmeaningbehindpoems.I’malwayswrong,andMr.Andersonalways
callsonme.Iswearhehatesme.

AsI’mabouttowalkintoclass,somebody’sshoulderbumpsintomine,hard;causingmetodropall

ofmybooks.Iwasn’texpectingit,orIwould’vedefendedmyself.

“StayawayfromEstaine.He’smine.”
IlookuptoseePaigetoweringoverme,butI’mnotatallintimidatedbyher.IfIcantakeEstaine

downinafight,Iwouldhavenoproblemswiththisgirl.

Ifshe’sinterestedinEstaine,Ishouldtellherthetruth—we’renotreallydating.OrIshouldtellher

thatEstainebrokeupwithme.Whatifheisinterestedinher?AmIholdinghimbackfromit?ButIjust
can’tseemtobringmyselfto.

“Actually,he’smine,”Isay,smilingather.
“Notforlong.Whatcouldheseeinyou,anyway?”sheasks;hernosewrinkledandherlipscastintoa

frown.

Evensnarlingatme,she’squitebeautiful.
Butshe’sright.
WhatwouldaguylikeEstaineeverseeinme?I’mnotprettylikeher.Hebelongswithagirllikeher.
ButIwon’tletherknowthat.Ican’tletherseemyweakness.
“Apparently,he’sseenmoreinmethesepasttwoweeksthanhehasinyouforthepasttwoyears,”I

say,standingmyground.“Ifyoucomenearmeagain,Iwillmakeyouregretit.”

“Girls,girls,gettoclass,”IhearMr.Andersonsay,thenhelooksatmesharply.“Phoenix,inmy

class.Now.”

Paigeissmirkingasshewalksoff.IpickupmybooksandwalkintomyEnglishclass.
ThatisprobablynotthelasttimeIwillbehearingfromher.

12pm.

Beinginafakerelationshipishard.

Thankfully,Ihaven’thadanymorerun-inswithPaigethismorning.Thatgirlsureknowshowtoget

undermyskin.MaybeIshouldhaveanotherrun-inwithher.IfshetriedtofightmeIcouldscareher
badlyenoughthatmaybeshewouldleavemealone.

ButUncleMattyandJakewouldbemadifIgotintoafight.
Yeah,maybeIshouldjustletitgo.
Butfirst,IneedtotalktoEstaine.IfhedoeslikePaige,hehasarighttoknow.Iwon’tforcehimto

continuebeinginafakerelationshipwithme.

Icatchhimjustashe’sabouttowalkintothedininghall.
“Hey.CanItalktoyourealquick?”Iaskhim.
“Sure,”hesays.
Hefollowsmeabouttenfeetawayfromthedoor.Idon’twantanybodyelsetooverhearour

conversation.

“Iseverythingokay?”Estaineasks.
“Yeah,”Ianswer,lookingatmyfeettoavoidhisgaze.“Ijust...havetoaskyousomething.”

“What?”
“DoyoulikePaigeLawson?”Iask.
Hedoesn’tsayanythingrightaway,soIlookupathimtogaugewhathisreactionis.
“Tobehonest,PaigeLawsongetsonmynervous,”Estainesays.“Shehasthisself-righteousattitude,

andalwaysactslikeshe’ssomuchbetterthaneverybodyelse.Ikindofcan’tstandthegirl.Whydoyou
ask?”

Iletoutabreath.“Well,shecameuptometodayandbasicallytoldmeIshouldbackofffromyou.

Andbasically,shewasaskingwhatyousawinme.”

“Whatdidyousaytoher?Whenshetoldyoutobackoff?”
Myfaceheatsup.“I’drathernotsay.”
“Comeon,Phoenix.Tellme,”hesays.
“Fine.Itoldher,actually,he’smine.AndthenItoldher,apparentlyyousawsomethinginmeinthe

pasttwoweeksthatyouhadn’tseeninherintwoyears,”Isay.“Andnow,Ifeelreallybad,because
we’renotevendating.It’sallfake.ButIcan’tstandmeangirls.I’msorry.Ishouldn’thavesaidit.She
justmademesoangry.”

“It’sokay.Ipromise,”hesays.“Besides,you’rekindofrightaboutthewholeseeingmoreinyouin

twoweeksthanIhaveinherintwoyears.She’sshallowandvapid.Andyou...well,you’reperfect.”

Perfect?
“Areyousureyou’restillokaywiththiswholefakedatingthing?”Iask.
“IpromiseIamokaywithit,”Estainesays.“Trustme,thereisnogirlatthisschoolthatIlikemore

thanyou.”

Ilaugh.
Hereallyissuchagoodfriend.
“Willyouletmeknowifyouchangeyourmind?”Iask.“Because,Ireallydon’tmindifyoudumpme

inaverypublicway.”

“Okay,Phoenix,”hesays.
Wewalkbackintothecafeteriatogether,andaswewalkthroughthedoor,hegrabsmyhand.Iamso

stunnedthatItripovermyownfeet,butsomehowmanagetokeepupwithEstaine.Onlyahandfulof
peopleturntowatchusthistime.

Aftergettingourfood,wejoinourfriendsatthetable.
“WhatisthisIhearaboutyouandPaigegettingintoafight?”Teaganasks,aswesitdown.
“ShetriedtotellmeIwastakinghermanorsomecraplikethat,”Isay.
“Ihopeyousetherstraight.”
“Shedid,”Estainesays,grinningatme.“Ifshetriesanythingagain,letmeknowandIwilltakecare

ofhermyself.”

“Wow.Lookatyoubeingtheprotectiveboyfriend,”Teagansays.“Ilikeit.It’skindofsexy.”
“Totallysexy...”Isay,lettingmyvoicetrailoffasmyfacewarms.Iclearmythroat.
WhyamIsoawkward?
Ugh.
Estainereachesformyhandunderthetableandsqueezesit.Ilookupathimandseethathe’ssmiling.
Thankfully,thesubjectchangestosomethingthatisnotmeandIcouldn’tbehappieraboutit.
ButIcan’thelpbutwonder...whydidEstainegrabmyhandagain?Hediditunderthetablewhere

nobodycouldsee.Itwasn’tjustforshow.Doesthatmeanhelikesmeforreal,asmorethanafriend?

Beinginafakerelationshipishard.Ican’timaginehowhardit’llbewhenIactuallygetareal

boyfriend.

4pm.

Whyhim?

Ihadtoquitsoccertoday.Mycoachunderstood.Iguessshehadheardaboutmycousindyingandtold

meifIeverwantedbackontheteamtoletherknow.Ifeltsoguilty.EverybodythinksI’mmourningthe
deathofaperson,butI’mreallyjustsadabouteverythingthathasgoneon—terrorists,beingkidnapped,
beingshippedofftoanewschool,givenanewidentity,leavingmyfamilybehind,andthenthereisthe
factthatmyhousejustgotburneddown.It’salottotakein.

AsIwalkbacktomydorm,tryingnottobetooovercomewithemotions,Inearlyrunintosomebody

asI’mabouttowalkintomydormroom.

“Sorry,”Isaytothepersonstandingoutsidemydoor.AndthenIlookupandseeBrooks.
AndIswear...
My.
Heart.
Stops.
“Brooks,”Isay,lickingmydrylips.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“JustthoughtI’dcheckonyou,”hesays.“Youhaven’tbeenansweringyourphoneandIwantedto

makesureyouwerestillalive.”

Iunlockmydormroomandwalkinside,invitinghim.
IknowthatIhavetotellhimsomethingaboutEstaine,butI’mnotevensurewheretostart.
“Well,I’mokay,forthemostpart,”Isay,sittingdownonmybed.“Thingshavebeenprettycrazy

sinceIleftformycousin’sfuneral.”

Helooksatmewithhisblueeyes,causingmyhearttoskipabeat.
HowIwishIcouldtellhimeverything.
ThetruthaboutwhoIam.
ThatEstaineandIarejustfriends,butarebeingforcedtopretendwe’remore.
ButIcan’t.UncleMattymadethatveryclearwhenhesaidthatifItoldanybodyelse,Iwouldbe

forcedtoleavetheschool.

“Look,weneedtotalk,”Brookssays.
Inod.“Okay.”
Hetakesaseatbesideme.“IheardarumortodayandIdidn’tbelieveit...”Hepauses.“Don’tbelieve

it.”Anotherpause.“ButIhavetoaskyou,Phoenix.AreyouandEstainedating?”

“Whotoldyouthat?”Iask.
“Answerthequestion,”Brookssays,thistimeraisinghisvoiceslightly.
He’sangry.
Hehaseveryrighttobeangry.
WhataterriblepersonImustlookinhiseyes.
“I’msorry,”Isay.“Ididn’tmeantohurtyou.”
“Doesthatmeanyouaredatinghim?”heasks.
Inodmyheadonce,notabletofindmyvoice.Ican’tevenlookhimintheeyes.
Hestandsupfrommybedandbeginstowalktothedoor,buthestopsabruptlyandwalksbacktothe

bedandsitsdown.

“Whyhim?”Brooksasks.
“Itjust...kindofhappened,”Ianswer,stillnotlookinghimintheeye.“Igotthetext...aboutmy

cousin...andIdidn’tsaygoodbyetoanyofmyfriends.Wewerealleatingbreakfast.Hereadthetextand

followedme.Herefusedtoletmegowithouthim,andIwaspanicked,soIjusttookhim.Wespentthree
daystogetherandIguessitjustkindof,sortof...happened.”

“Phoenix,lookatme,”hesays.
SoIdo.
Andmyheartbreaks.
Ifeelatearrundownmycheekandquicklywipeitaway,butIdon’tlookawayfromBrooks.Ican’t.
“Whatwehave...it’sreal,”hesays.“AndIcan’tjustletyougowithoutafight.”
“Youshould,”Isay,asIbegintocryharder.
“Youcan’teventalktomewithoutcrying,Phoenix,”Brookssays.“Sweetheart,thinkwhatyouwant,

butyou’renotoverme.”

“Ijust...”myvoicetrailsoff.“I’mamessrightnow.Everythingisallwrong.Thiswassupposedtobe

anewstartforme.Iwassupposedtocomehereandbesafe,buttheywerewrong.Theyweresowrong.
Andthentheydothistome.”

Myhandstartstoshake,soIputitdownonmybedtohideitfromBrooks.Hecan’tseehowupsetI

am.Ican’tlethimknow.

He’sright.
IamnotoverBrooks.
I’mfarfromoverBrooks.
ButIalsocan’tdenythatIhavefeelingsforEstaine.
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”heasks.
“IlikeEstaine,”Itellhim,hatinghowmuchmyvoiceshakesasIsaythewords.
“Iknow.I’vealwaysknown,”Brookssays.“Iwasjustkindofhopingthatyoulikedmemore.”
“Idon’tknowwhatIlike,okay,”Isay.“IjustknowthatIdon’twanttoputyouindanger.OrEstaine,

butit’salreadytoolateforhim.”

“Danger?Whatkindofdanger?”heasks.
Ishakemyhead,unwillingtosaymore.“Pleasego.Don’tmakethisanyharderonbothofusthanit

alreadyis.”

“Phoenix...”hesays,hisvoicebreakingashesaysmyname.
Ifmyheartwasbrokenbefore,nowitisshattered.
Howhasthisboy,whomI’veknowntwoweeks,gottenintomyheartandchangedmesomuch?How

canIlivewithmyself,knowinghowbadlyIhavehurthim.

“I’msorry,Brooks,”Isay.“Iftherewasanyway...ifthingswerenormal...butthey’renot.IwishI

could...”

“Me,too,”hesays,standingupagain.“IknowthatIshouldhateyourightnow,butIdon’t.Ifthings

change,callme.”

“Okay,”Isay,lettingoutabreath.
BrookswalksoutofmydormroomandIlaydownonmybedandIcry.
IcryforeverythingthatI’velost...evenhim.Because,beforeweevergotachance,everythingblew

upinmyface.

Nobodyaroundmeissafe.
AndtheonepersonIwanttocallrightnow,Ican’t.BecauseifIcallCharlie,Icould,potentially,put

himinmoredanger.

Mylifeisamess.

6pm.

Iwonder...

Ihearvoices,butIdon’tlookup.Ijustkeepmyfaceburiedinmypillowandcry.Icryuntilthere

aren’teventearscomingoutanymore.

“What’swrongwithher?”Ihearsomebodyask.
“Hercousinjustdied,”somebodyelsesays.“She’sobviouslyhavinganemotionalbreakdown.I

don’tknowwhattodo.That’swhyIcalledyou.”

“Okay...just...Igotit,”theothervoicereplies.
Ifeelthebedsinkdownassomebodysitsbyme,butIcan’tbringmyselftolookup.
“Phoenix,”thevoicesays.
Ihearadoorshut,soIlookuptoseewhoissittingbyme.
“Estaine,”Isay,butmyvoiceishoarseanditcomesoutquiet.
“What’swrong?”heasksme.
Istartsobbingharderandhepullsmetohischest,holdingontome.Hedoesn’tcarethatI’mcrying

onhim.Hejustletsme.

Ilovethatheletsme.
Hegentlyrubsmyback,patientlywaitingformetosaysomething.ButIdon’tknowwhattosayto

him.HowcanItellhimwhatI’mcryingover,whenI’mnotevensure?Thereissomuch...it’sbeen
buildingupforsolong,especiallywheneverItalkedtoBrooks,it’slikeawholefloodofemotionshitme
andIcan’tstopthem.

“I’msorry,”Itellhim,asIstarttocalmdown.“Ijust...I’mbeingsuchagirl.”
“Whyareyoucrying,baby?”Estaineasks.
Baby?
FirstBrookscallsmesweetheartandnowEstainecallsmebaby.
“It’sjust...everything.AndIusuallytalktoCharliewhenI’mupset,andIcan’t.I’mnotevenallowed

totalktomybrother,”Isay.

“ButI’mhere.Youcantalktome,”hesays.
Inod,knowingIcan.Iprobablyshouldtellhimanyway.
“Brookscameby,”Itellhim.“AndIhurthisfeelings.”
IcanfeelEstaine’smusclesstiffenupasItellhim,buthisfacedoesn’treact.
“Whathappened?”heasks.
“HestoppedbybecauseIhaven’trepliedtoanyofhistextmessages,”Isay.“Ididn’tknowwhatto

tellhim.Andhehadheardaboutus,andhewantedtoknowifitwastrueornot.”

“Whatdidyoutellhim?”
“Thatit’strue,”Ianswer.“AndthatIdidn’tmeantohurthim.Ireallydidn’tmeanto,Estaine.Brooks

wassonicetomeandIthinkIbrokehisheart.HeaskedmewhyIchoseyouoverhim.”

“I’msorry,”hesays.
“It’snotyourfault.I’mnotevencryingoverBrooks.I’mcryingabouteverystupidthingthathas

happenedinmylifelately.Himcomingoverherejustsetitallinmotion,”Isay.“Ineverwantedtohurt
him.”

“DoyoulikeBrooks?”Estaineasks.
“Iknowyoudon’tlikehim,buthe’salwaysbeenkindtome,”Isay.“Iwanttobehisfriend.Buthow

canI?Idon’tthinkhewantstobemyfriend.Ithinkhewantsmore,andIcan’tgivehimmore.Ican’t.”

“I’msorry,”hesaysagain.
“It’snotyourfault,”Isay.“Healsosaidsomethingelse...somethingaboutyou.”
“I’msurehehadlovelythingstosayaboutme,”Estainesays,andI’maboutninety-ninepercentsure

he’sbeingsarcastic.

“HetoldmeheknewthatIlikedyouasmorethanafriend,”Isay.“Ididn’tevenknowthat,sohow

couldheknowthat?”

Hesmiles.“Despitewhatyouthink,youareanopenbook.Yourfeelingsareonyourfaceandit’sso

easytoread.Youshouldneverplaypoker.”

Igrin,too.
Because,yes,mylifeisabsolutelyfallingapartaroundme.ButIhavegreatfriends.AndIhave

Estaine,whoisprettymuchthebestfakeboyfriendagirlcouldhave.Itdefinitelycouldbeworse.

“Thankyou,”Itellhim.
“Forwhat?”heasks.
“For...knowingmebetterthanIknowmyself,”Ianswer.“Youalwaysknowwhattosaytome.”
“Whatarefakeboyfriendsfor?”heasks.
Ishakemyheadathim.“Youarefartoonicetome.”
“LikeIsaid,pretendingtodateyouisn’tthatmuchofahardship,”hesays.
AndIwonder...
Doeshelikeme,too?

Friday,September1

Ijustwanttobehappy.

Iamactuallysurprisedbythenumberofpeoplewhostayoncampus.
Estainestayed,ofcourse.Ifeelbadaboutthat,butheinsisted.Iknewthathesimplywouldn’ttakeno

forananswer.Alotofpeoplewereprettymadaboutthat,becausetheywereplanningongoingtohis
party.I’mguessingthatmeansBrookswilldefinitelyhavemorepeoplecomingtohispartythisyear.

Brooks...
Iwishthingsweredifferent...thatIcouldtellhimthetruthaboutwhoIreallyam.ButIcan’t.NotifI

wanttostayatEastRavenAcademy.ItwouldbesomucheasierifIcouldjusttellhimthetruth.

“Whatarewesupposedtodothisweekend?”IaskEstaine,asI’mlyingonmybed.He’sonTeagan’s

bed.

TeaganwentwithJasonsomewhere,overtheholiday,whichisapparentlyabigdeal.Theyusually

onlytalkwhilethey’reatschool.Maybethey’retakingtheirrelationshiptoanewlevel.

IwonderifJasoniswhoTeagan“hasacrushon.”
Certainly,shewould’vetoldmeifitwasJason,though.OrIwould’vefigureditout.
“Ihaveplans,”Estaineanswers.“Ifyourbodyguardsletus.”
“UncleMattyandJakearenotmybodyguards,”Isay.“They’resecretservice.Seriously.They’ve

alreadythreatenedtogetmeabodyguard.Thatwouldbehorrible.”

Unlesshewashot.
Thatmightnotbesobad.
“WhydoyoucallhimUncleMatty?”
“Hisidea,”Ianswer.“It’swhatI’vealwayscalledhim.It’sbesttokeepthehabitofcallinghim

uncle,soIdon’tslipup.”

“Oh,”Estainesays.“Okay.”
“So,youaskedthemifwecandosomethingoffcampus?”Iask.
“Yes,”heanswers.“ButI’mnottellingyouwhat,yet.Iwantyoutobesurprised.”
“Idon’tcarewhatitisaslongasIgettoleavethisstupidschoolcampus,”Isay.“Ifeellikethisplace

isaprison.”

“Well,UncleMattysaiddon’tgetyourhopesup,”hesays.
Ilaugh.“SoundslikeUncleMatty.”
“Howlonghaveyouknownthem?”Estaineasks.“Youseemtoknowthemprettywell.”
“Ido.I’veknownthemsincethespring,whenIfirstgotkidnapped.They’retheoneswhorescuedme,

andIguesstheykindoflikedme,becausetheyrequestedtobeputonmycase,”Isay.“Ispent,like,three
weeksthissummerattheirhomesbeforeschoolstarted.Igottoknowthemandtheirkids.Itwaskindof
fun.”

“You’reaneasypersontolike,”hesays.
“Funny.Charliemightdisagreewithyou.”
“Idoubtthat,”Estainesays.“Igetwhytheywantedtostaywithyou.IjustmetyouandIwanttostay

withyou.”

“Well,youtechnicallydidstaywithme,”Isay.“Thisweekend.AndI’mprettysureallthekidsin

schoolhateme,sinceI’mthereasonyoustayed.”

“They’llgetoverit,”hesays.
“Whydidyoustay?Imean,Iknowyoudidittobeniceandkeepmecompany,butwhy?”Iask.
“Ialreadytoldyou,Imetyou,andnowIdon’teverwanttoleaveyou,”hesays.

Ithinkaboutwhathe’ssaying,tryingnottogetmyhopesupthathelikesme.Idon’tthinkIwillever

beabletounderstandtheoppositesex.Ever.

“Ifeelprotectiveofyou,”Estainesays.“Whichisweird,consideringyoucouldprobablykickmybutt

withbothhandstiedbehindyourback.ButIjust...wanttobearoundyou.Always.AndIhopethat
doesn’tscareyou.”

“Itdoesn’tscareme,”Isay.“Ilikeit.IwasworriedthatIwouldn’tmakefriendshere.I’vetoldyou

beforethatIdidn’thavefriendsinCalifornia.TheonlypeoplewhotalkedtomeatschoolwereCharlie’s
friends.Wheneverhehadagirlfriend,theywouldalwayshangoutwithmeandwe’dbecomefriends.But
heneverstayswithagirlverylong.So,I’dconsiderheragoodfriend,he’ddumpher,andthenshe
wouldn’twantanythingtodowithme.”

“Theyweren’tverygoodfriends,then,”hesays.
“Iknow.”
“Ikindofcan’twaittomeetCharlie.Hesoundscompletelyoppositefromyou.”
“Heis.Hesois.Butinthebestpossibleway,”Isay.
“Howso?”
“Wecomplementeachother.I’manintrovertandhe’sanextroverttotheextreme.Hehasbroughtme

outofmyshellalot,andIhavehelpedhimbelesssocial,”Isay.“Iknowthatsoundsweird,butCharlie
neverdidanythingexcepthangoutwithpeople.Hewasn’thappyunlesshewassurroundedbyagroup.
Now,wehangout,justmeandhim,everyFridaynight.Hetoldmehedidn’trealizehowmuchheneeded
thattimetounwindawayfrompeople.”

“Youdon’tseemlikeanintrovert.”
“I’mnotasbadanymore.Charlierubbedoffonmeinthatway,andIliketohavesomebodyaround

now,”Isay.

“Yeah,butdidn’tyourmommarryhisdadwhenyouwereyoung?”
“Yep.Wewerebothtenatthetime.”
“Iwonderwhoyouwouldbewithouthim.Maybeyouwould’vefoundyourownway,”hesays.
“Maybe,”Isay.“ButIcan’timaginemylifewithouthim.Iwishhewashere.Hewantedtocome,but

theytoldmethatitcouldbedangerousforhimtobehere.Ifthisterroristgroupfindsme,IwantCharlie
asfarawayfrommeaspossible.”

“Whyaretheyevenafteryou?”Estaineasks.“You’reasixteenyearold.”
“Iamnotonehundredpercentsure,”Ianswer.“It’sjustthat,sincemydadgotelected,thisgrouphas

hadavendettaagainsthim.Iguesstheyfiguregoingafterhisdaughterisagoodformofrevenge.My
dad’snotentirelysafe,either,buthe’sgotatonofsecretserviceagentsandbodyguardsprotectinghim.”

“Itjustdoesn’tseemfair,”hesays.
“Iknow.Butifithadn’thappened,Ineverwould’vemetyou,”Isay.“So,Ican’tregretitcompletely.”
“Still,Iwishyouwerehereunderbettercircumstances.”
“Me,too.AndwithCharlie.He’dloveithere,andthegirlswouldlovehim.Hewoulddefinitely

haveagirlfriendbynow,”Isay,thenpause.“Maybeit’sgoodhe’snothere,becauseIdon’twantallthe
girlstohatemebyassociation,liketheydidinMalibu.”

Estainelaughs.“NowIgetwhyyoudidn’thavefriends.Allthegirlslovedyourbrother.”
“Yep.”
“Andtheboysstayedawaybecauseofhim,too,right?”
“No.Charliewould’vebeencoolwithmedating,”Isay.“Ijustneverlikedanyoftheguysthere.”
“IthoughtpeopleinCaliforniawereallsupposedtobesupergorgeousorsomething.”
“Theywereokay,”Isay.“Imean,therewerelotsofbeautifulpeople.Butitseemedlikeeverybody

wantedtouseme.Like,oneguywantedtobemyfriendbecausehethoughtmystepdadcouldgethiman
auditioninthismovie.AndgirlswouldwanttobemyfriendtogetclosertoCharlie.IguessIjust

stoppedtrying.”

“Whatdoesyourstepdaddo?”
“He’saproducer.Hehasproducedlotsofmovies,”Ianswer.“Iguesshe’ssupposedtobeabigdeal,

buttomehe’sjust...Rick.Mystepdad.Sometimesheworkslonghours,buthealwaysmakestimefor
Charlieandme.Wegooncoolfamilyvacations,andhereallyisaseconddadtome.He’snotRick
Bennett,theproducer.Nottome.”

“Justtoclarify,Iwantnothingtodowiththeentertainmentindustry,”Estainesays.
“Me,either,”Isay,agreeing.“So,whatdoyouwantwithyourlife?”
“Idon’tknow,”heanswers.“Ithinkmydadwantsmetofollowinhisfootsteps,butIreallyhate

politics.I’vegrownuparounditmywholelife.Whycan’thewantmetodosomethingnormal?Like,bea
doctororsomething?”

“Youwanttobeadoctor?”
“No,”heanswers.“Iwanttobeanarchitect.Ihaven’ttoldmydadthat,yet.He’sbasicallygotmylife

planned.College,pre-lawmajor,ofcourse.Thenlawschool.Eventually,hewantsmetobepresident.”

That’sreallysad.
I’msuddenlythankfulmyparentsdon’tcarewhatIdo,aslongasitmakesmehappy.
Tobehonest,Ihavenoideawhatwillmakemehappy.
“Whataboutyou?Whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?”Estaineasks.
“Askmeagainlater,becauseIhavenoidearightnow,”Ianswer.“IjustknowthatIwanttobe

happy.”

Andalive.

Saturday,September2

Thisisnotgood.

IgotatextfromEstaineearlierthatsimplysaid,“Dresscasual.I’mcomingtogetyouatten”Ihope

thatmeanswearegoingsomewherethatisnotoncampus.

Iamdressedandreadybynine,soI’mjustsittingaround,bored,whileIwaitforhim.
Thereisaknockonmydoor,soIjumpup,excitedthathe’shereearly.Iamsoexcitedforwhatever

hehasplanned.ButwhenIopenthedoor,it’snotEstaineontheotherside.

“Brooks,”Isay.
“Hey,”hesays.
Istandthere,justlookingathim,notknowingwhattosay.MyheartisbeatingfastandI’mhaving

problemsformingacoherentthought.

Brooksishere.
Atmydorm.
Isn’thesupposedtobeinTheHamptons?
Whyishehere?
Ithoughthehatedme.
Heprobablydoeshateme.
IhatemeforwhatIdidtohim.
Brooks.
Is.
Here.
“CanIcomein?”heasks,breakingthesilence.
Ipushthedooropenandtakeastepback.Istillcan’tsayaword,soIjustnodmyhead.
Brookswalksinside,shuttingthedoorbehindhim.
“Youknow,yourdormroomactuallyisn’twhatIexpected,”hesays.
He’sseriouslygoingtotalktomeaboutmydormroom?
“Whatdidyouexpect?”Iask.
“Forittolooklikeyourroommate’sside,”heanswers.
Teagan’ssideoftheroomisverygirly.Itisvariousshadesofgreenandsomewhite.Itscreams

schoolspirit.Myside,however,isblackandwhite.Atleastwematch.Ihaveahugefuzzyblackrugin
betweenourbedsthatissupersoft.Andwehaveawhitefutoninthemiddle.Sofar,nobodyhasslepton
it,butIfigurethroughtheyearthatwewillhavepeoplestayinourroom.

“Aren’tyousupposedtobeinTheHamptons?”Iaskhim.
Iseriouslyhopehedidn’tcomeheretotalkaboutthedecorinmydorm.
“Iwas.Imean,Ileftyesterday.ImadeitallthewaytoNewYorkandthenIturnedaround,”hesays.
“Whydidyouturnaround?”Iask.
“Estainecalledme.”
Estainecalledhim?
Oh,mygosh.
“Whatdidhesay?”
“Notalot,”Brookssays.“Hewasactuallyprettycrypticaboutthewholething.Hejustsaidthat

whateverIthoughtaboutyoutwowaswrong—thatyou’renotreallydating,eventhoughyou’retelling
everybodyyouare,whichmakesnosense.Ialmosthunguponhimwhenhesaidthat.Buthesaidthatthe

reasonyou’rehereisbecauseyourlifeisindanger...”

Icuthimoff.“Hesaidthat?”
Whattheheckwashethinking?
IputahandonmyforeheadasIpacebackandforth.
NowIamgoingtohavetoleave.
“Healsosaidsomethingaboutgettingpermissionfrom...UncleMattyorsomething...totellmea

limitedamountofinformation,”Brookssays.

Iletoutabreath.“Oh,thankgoodness.Iwasabouttofreakout.”
“Soyouknowwhatthatmeans?”heasks.“Becausethatconfusedme.”
“Iknowwhatitmeans,”Isay.
“Whyisyourlifeindanger?”
“WhatdidEstainetellyou?”
“Justthatithadsomethingtodowithyourbiologicalfather.Apparentlyyourparentsaren’tdeadand

thatyourreallastnameisn’tUnderwood.HesaidthatIcan’tknowwhoyoureallyare,”hesays.“How
doesheknow?Imean,whydoeshegettoknowandnotme?”

“Estainecaughtmeinaprettybiglie,”Ianswer.“DoyourememberwhenItoldyouIwasavoiding

him?”

Henods.
“Well,IwasavoidinghimbecauseofthelieIwascaughtin.IeventuallytoldEstaineeverything,”I

say.“Iwastryingtohideitfromthesecretservice,butwhen...”

“Secretservice?”Brooksasks,cuttingmeoff.
“Oh...UncleMattyandmycousinJakearereallysecretservice,”Isay,wavingahandlikeit’snobig

deal.“Anyway,Igotatextandranout.Estainefollowedme.Theliewasthatmycousindied,butreally
westayedoncampusthewholetime.UncleMattyandJakehaveahousehiddeninthewoodswherethey
arestaying.”

“Whywereyouoncampus?Whynotgobacktoclass?”
“Well...”myvoicetrailsoff.“Ican’treallytellyouallthedetails.Butmymom’shouseinMalibugot

burneddown.Theyhadtogointohidingandtheywereworriedthe...um...that...well...theywerejust
worried.Theykeptmethereincaseweneededtorun.IaskedEstainetostaythedaybecauseIwasupset,
thenUncleMattycalledtheschool,andthestorywasthatmycousindiedandEstainewenttothefuneral
withme.Itdidn’tmakesenseforhimtogotothefuneralunlessweweredating,so...”

Brooksnods.“Igetit.Idon’tunderstand,butIgetit.”
“I’msorry,”Isay.
“It’snotyourfault.Thisjustsucks,”hesays.
“DoyourememberwhathappenedatthatschoolinTexaslastweek?”Iask.“Withthosetwopeople

dying?”

Thankfully,thethirdpersonisgoingtolive.She’sstillinthehospital,butexpectedtomakeafull

recovery.

“Yeah,”hesays.“Irememberhearingaboutthat.”
“Well,theCIAleftafalsetrailtothatschool,”Isay.“The...umm...shootersfollowedthetrailthere,

thinkingthatIwasastudent.”

“Backup,”hesays,lookingatme,confusionclearlypaintedonhisface.“You’vegottheCIAand

SecretServicehelpingyouout?”

Inod.
“AreyouintheWitnessProtectionProgramorsomething?”heasks.
“No,”Ianswer.“Ididn’twitnessacrimeoranythinglikethat.Ithassomethingtodowithmydad,

kindof.He’simportant,orwhatever.So,hereIam.Justdon’ttrytofigureoutwhoIam.Ipromiseyou

thatmyonlineexistencebeforeIcamehereisnomore.Ifanybodyfrommyoldlifepostsapictureofme,
it’sgonewithinseconds.Youwon’tfindanything.”

“Wow,”hesays.
“Yep.”
“IgetwhyyouandEstainearefakedating,sowhynotfakebreakup?”
“Itoldhimtodumpme,”Ianswer.“ItoldhimI’devenlethimdoitinaverypublicwayandIwould

shedafewtears.Butwe’refriends,andnothingwouldreallychangeifwefakebrokeup.Peoplewould
thinkitwasweirdifwejustkepthangingoutlikewealwaysdo.It’sbesttojustletpeoplethinkwe’re
dating.”

“Youguysdon’t...kiss...right?”
Ishakemyhead.“Noway.”
“Whatifsomebodyelsewantedtodateyou?”Brooksasks.
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Nobodyevergavemeaguidetofakedatingsomebody.Thingsarereally

complicatedrightnow.”

“Youlikehim.Iknowyoudo.”
“He’smyfriend.OfcourseIlikehim.”
“Imeanasmorethanafriend.”
“Maybe,”Ianswer,tryingtobeashonestasIcan.
“Doyoulikeme?”
Inod.
“Asmorethanafriend?”heasks.
“WhatIfeelforyouisdefinitelymorethanwhatIfeelforafriend,”Ianswer.“Butitdoesn’tmatter,

Brooks.Everythingiscrazyrightnow.I’mliterallyhidingandtryingnottogetcaughtbycrazypeople
whohaveavendettaagainstmydad.Idon’tevenwanttothinkabouthavingaboyfriendordatingright
now.”

“Iunderstand,”Brookssays.“So,Estaineinvitedmetohangoutwithyouguystoday.”
Mymouthfallsopen.“Heinvited...you?”
“Yep.”
Wow.
“Ithoughthehatedyou,”Isay.
“Oh,hedoes,”Brookssays.“Todayisdefinitelygoingtobe...interesting.”
Interesting?
I’mhangingoutwithBrooksandEstainetoday.
ATTHESAMETIME!
Thisisnotgood.

10am.

I’mgoodatsarcasm.

IamridinginacarwithUncleMatty,Jake,Estaine,andBrooks.Anditissoawkward.
Jakekeepsturningaroundandgivingmetheselooks.AndUncleMattykeepssayingreallyawkward

things.AndIaminthebackseat,sittingbetweenBrooksandEstaine,tryingtokeepcalm.

UncleMattyopenshismouthtosaysomethingelse,soIcuthimoff.
“Canwelistentosomemusic?”Iask.
“Sure,”Jakesays,pullingouthisphone.

Iquicklyholdmyphoneoutforhim.“No.Playmymusic.Please.”
Jakelistenstomusicthatwaspopularinthe90’s.Andnottohateonthemusicfromthatgeneration,

butIseriouslycan’thandlethemusic.It’sso...whiney,andremindsmeofsomethingyou’dhearata
collegecoffeeshop.Though,Ican’tsaythatforsurebecauseI’veneverbeentoacollegecoffeeshop.
Butinmyhead,theyplay90’smusic,doslampoetry,andwearlotsofflannel.

IwonderifI’dbeanygoodatperformingslampoetry.
“Whattheheckkindofmusicisthis?”Jakeasks,ashelooksthroughthemusiconmyphone.
“Justhittheshufflebutton,”Ianswer.
“Fine,”hesays,hittingit.“Butmostofthetitlesaren’tevenEnglishtitles.”
“Stillbetterthanthestuffyoulistento,”Isay.
“Hey,don’thateon...”
UncleMattycutshimoff.“IagreewithPhoenix.Ican’thandle90’smusic.”
“Like80’smusicisanybetter,”Isay.“Nobodywantstolistentoatwominutelongguitarsolointhe

middleofasong.”

“Andyoucallthismusic?Ican’tevenunderstandwhatthey’resaying,”UncleMattysays.
“That’sbecauseit’sRussian.DoyouspeakRussian?”Iask.
“WhyarewelisteningtoRussianmusic?”heasks,likeit’sthemostabsurdthinghe’severheard.
“Ikindoflikeit,”Estainesays.
“Thankyou,”Isay,smilingathim.“See,Estainelikesit.”
“Heonlylikesitbecauseyoulikeit,”UncleMattysays.“WhenIwasateenager,Iwouldlistento

PaulaAbdulforhoursifitmeanthangingoutwithagirlIliked.DoyouknowhowmuchIhatePaula
Abdul?”

Jakelaughs.“ThisonegirlIdatedlovedBackstreetBoys.Istillrememberallthewordstothatone

stupidsong.”

“Wow,youguysareentertaining,”Brookssays.
Ialmostforgotthathewasinthecar.
Uh...
Thisissoweird.
“Theymakeittheirpersonalmissioninlifetodrivemeinsane,”Isay.
“Hey,it’sahardjob,butsomebodyhastodoit,”Jakesays.
Irollmyeyes,butneedasubjectchange.“Wherearewegoing?”
“Baseballgame,”UncleMattyanswers.“Bytheway,yougettobeblondefortheday.

Congratulations.”

“Blonde?”Iask.
Jakepullssomethingfromabagandhandsittome.
It’sawig.
“Areyouseriously?”Iask,holdingitslightlyawayfromme.
“Yep.Putiton.”
“Andwheredoesmyhairgo?”Iask,thenlookatthewig.“Andwhyaretherebangs?I’mgoingto

looktwelve.No,worse.I’mgoingtolooklikeHannahMontana.Iamnotputtingthisstupidthingon.”

“Putitonorwegobacktocampus,”UncleMattysays.
“Whyblonde?”Iask.“Whycouldn’tithavebeenred?”
“What’swrongwithblondehair?”Jakeasks.
“I’msowhite,”Isay.“Withtheblondehair,mypaleskinandmyblueeyes,I’mgoingtolookalbino.I

don’tunderstandwhyIcan’tjustputahaton,orsomething.”

“Fine,”Jakesays,grabbingthewigback.“Putyourhairinabunorsomething,andputthehaton.”
Heobviouslyknowsnothingabouthair.

Youcan’twearabunandahat.
HehandsmeabluecapthatsaysBostoninredletters.
“Ican’tputmyhairupinthis,”Isay.
“Justdon’tleaveyourhairhangingdown,”hesays.“Putitupwhateverwayyoucan.”
Irollmyeyes,butdoashesays.
“Youguyslookreallyfamiliar,”Brookssaysbesideme.
Ican’thelpit.Ilaughhardwhenhesaysthis.
“WefollowedyouaroundlastSaturday,”Jakesays.
“Oh,”Brookssays,thenlooksatme.“Youknewtheywerefollowingus.”
Inod.“Itwastheonlywaythey’dletmegowithyou.”
“IamkindofgladIdidn’tknowthen,”hesays.“Thatwould’vebeenawkward.”
“Tellmeaboutit,”Isay,rememberhowmuchIhatedthemlisteningtoourconversation.“I’venever

beentoabaseballgamebefore.Whatareyousupposedtodowhiletheyplay?”

“You...watchthem,”UncleMattysays,eyingmeintherearviewmirror.“PhoenixBlack,youareone

strangegirl.”

“PhoenixBlack?”Brooksasks.
“You’vebeendoingnothingbuttrainmehowtokeepmyidentitysecret,andthenyoutellhimmylast

name,”Isay.“You’dbetternotmakemeleaveEastRavenbecauseyouscrewedup.”

“We’vealreadywiredBrooks,”Jakesays.
“Whatdoesthatmean?”Brooksasks.
“Basically,thateverytext,everyphonecall,everyconversationisbeingmonitoredbytheCIA,”Isay.
“I’mwiredtoo,”EstainesaystoBrooks.“Sodon’tfeelbad.”
“Phoenixhasbeenmonitoredsincelastspring,”UncleMattysays.“Justasaprecaution.”
“They’vemadeitincrediblydifficulttogetintouchwithmycrackdealer,”Isay.
Estainelaughs.
Brooksdoesn’t.
“She’skidding,”Jakesays.“Shedoesn’tactuallydodrugs.”
“RememberwhenIconvincedyourwifethatIwasontherunfromtheMexicandrugcartel?”Iask.
Helaughs.“Istillteaseheraboutthat.YourfakeSpanishaccentwasterrible.”
“Idon’tthinkshebelievedanythingItoldherafterthat,”Isay.
“Howdidshenotseethroughittobeginwith?”Estaineasks.“You’reaterribleliar.”
“But,Iamgoodatsarcasm,”Isay.
“You’reusuallyonlythissarcasticwhenyou’renervous,”Jakesays,turningtolookatme.“Oh.

Right.”

Iclearmythroatawkwardly.
Ikindofhavealotofreasontobenervous.
Who’sideawasittoinviteBrooksandEstaine?
Oh,right.
ItwasEstaine’sidea.
IknowheonlydiditbecauseI’dcried.WhydidIhavetocry?I’mkindofregrettingthatnow.
Brooksissaferwithoutme.SoisEstaine.ButEstainewasalreadyinthis.Ididn’twanttodrag

somebodyelseintoit.

“Areweonehundredpercentsurethattodayissafe?”Iask.
“Eh,”Jakesays.
“You’reneveronehundredpercentsafe,”UncleMattysays.“ButI’mnotworriedabouttoday.”
“AndwhataboutBrooksandEstaine?”Iask.
“Theyknowtherisks,”Jakesays.

“Doyou?”Iask,lookingatEstaine,thenBrooks.
“YouknowIdo,”Estainesays.“ButI’mnotworried.Itrustyoursecretserviceguys.”
Itrustthem,too.
Like,completely.Theyrescuedmeonce.Certainlytheycanagain,ifitcomesdowntoit.Ihopeit

doesn’t,though.Idon’tthinkIcouldhandlestartingoveragain.Itwashardenoughthefirsttime,butnow
thatI’vemadefriends,itwouldbeevenhardertoleaveEastRaven.

IlookatBrooks,waitingforhisresponse.
“I’monlyhere’causeyou’resupposedtobesomekindofninjaMMAgirl,”Brookssays,grinningat

me.“You’resupposedtobeprotectingme.”

Ijustlaughandshakemyhead.
Ihopehe’sjoking.
“Shedidtakemedown.Quiteafewtimes,actually,”Estainesays.“I’mprettysureiftheguysonthe

teamknew,they’dneverletmeliveitdown.”

“So,you’resayingIshouldn’ttackleyouduringfootballpractice?”Iask.
“Iwouldn’tsayI’dmindthat.Prettysurethatwouldmakealltheguysjealous,”hesays.
Irollmyeyeswhenhesaysthis.IfindithardtobelievethatanyguyatEastRavenAcademyfindsme

attractive.Iguesstheydo,becauseIsawthetextsalltheguyssentEstaineafterwestarteddating,butI
don’tgetit.

ItmustbebecauseI’mnew.Thereis,literally,nootherexplanation.Inafewmoreweeks,theywill

forgetaboutme—EstaineandBrooksincluded.

No,notEstaine.We’refriends.Ithinkwe’llstayfriends.I’lllethimbreakupwithmeinapublicway

andwecancontinuebeingfriends.ButBrooks...hewillbegone.He’llrealizeI’mnotworththeeffort.
Plus,bybeingwithmetoday,hecouldliterallybeputtinghislifeindanger.That’sareallyscarythought.

“Hey,areyouokay?”Estaineasks.
Ireallyneedtoworkonmypokerface.
“I’mfine,”Isay.
Butreally,I’mnot,andIwon’tbe...notuntilmyfamilyandIaresafe.

1pm.

Whatjusthappened?

SinceEstaine’sfatheristhesenatorofMassachusetts,wegotreallygoodseatstothegame.Boxseats.

We’reawayfromthecrowd,wehavecateredfood,andwecanescapequicklyifweneedto.Ihavea
feelingthatistheonlyreasonJakeandUncleMattyletmecome.

Tobehonest,I’mnotahugebaseballfan.Butitdoesbeatsittingaroundmydormroom.Itfeelsgood

tobeoffcampus.

“Thisismyfirstbaseballgame,”ItellBrooksandEstaine.
Yep.I’msittingrightbetweenthetwoofthem.Again.
AtleastUncleMattyandJakearen’tcloseenoughtoheartheconversation.They’rekeepingwatch,

makingsuretheareaissafe.

“Howcanyousayyou’reAmericanifyou’veneverbeentoabaseballgame?”Estaineasks.
“Howhaveyoubeenalivesixteenyearsandneverbeentoabaseballgame?”Brooksasks.
Wow.
Theyagreeonsomething.
Ishrug.“Iwasanonlychildwhopreferredsoccer.Andthen,whenmymommarriedRick,Charlie

wasn’tintobaseball.Helikedsurfing.I’vebeentoalotofsurfingevents.I’veevengonetoprofessional
surfingevents.Iloveit.Besides,Ihavebeentoabaseballgamenow.Estaine,besuretothankyourdad
forme.”

“Iwill,”Estainesays.“Mydadsupportedtheguywhowasrunningagainstyourdad.Doyouthink

that’llmakeyourdadlikemeless?”

“Yourdad’sapolitician?”Brooksasks.
IlookuptoseeifJakeorUncleMattyheard.They’rebothfocusedelsewhere,soI’mguessingthey

didn’t.

“Estaine,you’vereallygottowatchwhatyousay,”Isay.
“Sorry,”hesays.“IkeepforgettingthatBrooksdoesn’tknow.”
“Ishouldknow,”Brookssays.
Ijustshrug.“It’snotuptometodecide.”
“Butit’syourlife.AndyoutoldEstaine.”
“Tobefair,Ipracticallyforcedherto,”Estainesays.
“YouandIbothknowthatnobodyforcesPhoenixtodoanything,”Brookssays.
Yeah,right.
Everythingisbeingforcedonmerightnow.
Newidentity.
Newschool.
Notbeingallowedtoleavesaidschool.
Eventoday,whatfeelslikealittlefreedomisn’tfreedomatall.JakeandUncleMattyarehere,

monitoringmyeverymove.AndIgetthatit’sallformysafety,butit’sstillmylife.AmIevergoingtoget
totrulyliveitagain?

Isitthere,watchingthegame.I’msurprisedthatBrooksandEstaineareactuallytalkingtoeachother.

Like,they’rebeingfriendly.Ihonestlythoughtthetwoofthemwouldeitherargue,orjustpretendthe
otherwasn’tthere.It’sahappysurprise.

“Howdoyoulikethegame?”Brooksasks,ashalftimestarts.
“It’sokay,”Ianswer.“Idon’tunderstandalotofwhat’sgoingon,butit’snicetobeoffcampus.”
“Notasgoodasasurfingtournament?”Estaineasks.
“Noway,”Ianswer.
Ihearthecrowdstartcheering,soIlookatthelargescreen.Thereisaguydownononeknee,

proposingtoagirl.Ihopeshelikesbaseball.Because,seriously.Whowantstogetengagedatabaseball
game?Apparently,shedoes.Becauseshenodsherhead,withtearsstreamingdownherface.Thecouple
kiss,andthecrowdgoesnuts.

“I’veneverseenanybodygetengagedatasurfingtournament,”ItellEstaine,andhestartslaughing.

“Actually,Idon’tthinkI’veeverseenacouplegetengagedbefore.”

“Well,nowyouhave,”hesays.
Thecrowdstartscheeringagain,soIlookupatthescreen,expectingtoseeanothercoupleget

engaged.Instead,therearelittleheartsonthescreenandwordsthatsayKissCam.Thecoupleonthe
screenstartkissing.

“Whattheheckisthis?”Iask,asthecameraflashestoanothercouple.Thisgirljustkissestheguyon

thecheekandthecrowdboos.

“KissCam.Thatawkwardmomentwhensometimesstrangersareforcedtokiss,”Brookssays.
“Onetime,whenIwasatthegamewithRiver,theyputthecameraonus,”Estainesays.
Mymouthfallsopen.“Theypointedthecameraonyouandyoursister?That’ssoweird.Shouldn’t

theymakesurethatthetwopeoplearen’trelated?”

“Riverjustkissedarandomguyontheothersideofher,”Estainesays.“Hewassomepolitician’sson

thathadcomewithus.Mydadwassomadather,butIthinktheotherkidfellinlove.”

“Shetoldmeaboutthat,”Brookssays.“Weweredatingthen.Riverdidn’twantmetobemad.”
Ilookbackatthescreenandseeacouplekissingveryenthusiastically.Thegirl’sfaceisredwhenthe

guypullsaway.

Thesepoorpeople.Whydotheydothis?
IcontinuewatchingthescreenandthenseemyownfacepopupbesideEstaine.Neitherofusmakesa

movetodoanything,butthenthecrowdstartscheeringkiss,kiss,kiss!So,Ileanoverandkisshim.It’s
hardlyevenakiss.Ourlipsbarelytouchandthenit’sover.Thecrowddoesn’tseemtoohappywithour
kiss,though.

Then,IfeelBrooks’handonmine.Ilookoverathimandhepresseshislipsagainstmine.Idon’t

havetimetoprocessanything.He’sjust...kissingme.So,Ikisshimback.AndI’mvaguelyawarethatthe
crowdischeering,butI’mjustthinkingabouthislips.

HepullsbackandIslapahandovermymouth.
Didheseriouslyjustkissme?
“Whattheheckdidyoudothatfor?”UncleMattyasksBrooks.
Brooksjustshrugs,butthereisasmileonhisface.
“Weneedtogo,”Jakesays.“Thesethingsaretelevised,andafterthespectacleyoujustmade...”
Hedoesn’tfinishhissentence.
ButIcanseetheworryonbothoftheirfaces.
Wegetupduringthemiddleofhalftimeandleavethestadium.
ThewholetimethatUncleMattypullsmeawayfromtheboxwherewewerejustsitting,allIcan

thinkis,whatjusthappened?

3pm.

Everafter.

“Whytheheckdidyoudothat?”IaskBrooks,afterwe’vebeeninthecarforagoodthirtyminutes.

It’sthefirstthinganybodyhassaidsincewegotinthecar,andangerhasbeenslowlybuildingupinside
ofme.

“Iwasjealous,”Brooksanswers.
“Jealous?Seriously?”Iask,thenslaphimacrosstheface.
BecauseIamsomadathimthatIcanbarelystandit.
Hedeservedit.
“Thathurt,”Brookssays,coveringhischeekwithhishand.“Whydidyouhitme?”
“BecauseIdidn’twanttokissyou,”Ianswer.“Andyouhadnorighttodothat.”
“Youkissedmeback,”hesays.
“BecauseIwasinshock,”Isay.“Howdareyou?Seriously.Iwantedmyfirstkisstobesomething

memorable,andyoujuststoleit.”

“Youkissedhimfirst,”Brookssays,pointingtoEstaine.
“Thathardlycounts,”Isay.“AndEstainedidn’tforcemetokisshim.”
Brooksopenshismouthtosaysomething,thenclosesit.
“I’msorry,”Brookssays,afterafewsecondsofsilence.“Ididn’trealizethatkissingmewouldbeso

horrible.”

“Don’teventrytoturnthisbackaroundonme,”Isay,hatingthathiswordsmakemefeelguilty.
“Teenagers,”Jakesays,fromthefrontseat.

“Sodramatic,”UncleMattysays.
“Uh...”Igroan.“Seriously,guys.Canyoujustnottalkrightnow?AndcanwedropBrooksoffatWest

Raven?”

“Weareonourwaythere,now,”Jakesays.
“Thankyou,”Isay,sittingbackagainsttheseat.
“IsPhoenixindanger?”Estaineasks.
“Possibly,”UncleMattysays.
“I’msorry,”Estainesaystome.“Inevershould’vesuggestedgoingtothegame.Ineverwouldhave,

ifI’dthoughtthiswouldhappen.”

“It’snotyourfault,”Isay.
“She’sright,”UncleMattysays.“Beingonthekisscamwasn’tbaduntilTweedledumdecidedtokiss

her.Andifthevideoofwhathappenedgoesviral,theywon’tknowshe’satEastRaven.Buttheywill
knowshe’sinMassachusetts.”

“Butitwasaprofessionalsportsgame,”Isay.“I’vetraveledtolotsofplaceswithCharlietowatch

surftournaments.”

“Yeah,butyoudidn’tgotobaseballgamesbefore,”Jakesays.“Ithinkthatthiswilljustnarrowdown

thesearchabit.”

“ButthatmeansMom,RickandCharliearesafe,right?”Iask.“Becausenowthey’llbeturningthis

stateupsidedowntolookforme,insteadoflookingforthem.”

“Maybe,butwecan’tknowforsurewhatthey’regoingtodo,”UncleMattysays.
“Everythingisgoingtoworkout,”Isay.“Iknowitis.Ithasto.”
“Phoenixisn’texactlyacommonname,”Brookssays.“Can’ttheyjustlookupyourfirstname,and

easilytrackyoutoEastRaven?”

“No.She’snotinthesystemasPhoenix,”UncleMattysays.“Wewantedhertohaveadifferentname

alltogether,butPhoenixisstubborn.”

“Icanbarelyremembermyfakelastname,”Isay.“Trustme,Iwould’veslippedupathousandtimes

overifyoumademegobysomethingelse.”

“It’strue,”Estainesays.“Shealwayshadadifferentstoryaboutherparentseverytimewetalked.

Plus,everytimeshelies,it’sclearlywrittenonherface.”

IsmileasIlookatEstaine,lovingthathe’ssayingthat.
Ihatelying,andIknowmylifedependsonmebeingabletoliewell,butIdon’twanttobeagood

liar.Infact,Ireallyhatelying.

I’mgladIcanbehonestwithEstaine.
Brooksclearshisthroat.“Uh...Phoenix,IreallyamsorryIkissedyou.”
Iturnmyattentiontohim.
Hisblueeyes.
HeisstillthemostbeautifulboyI’veevermet.
Yet,I’mstillmadathim.
Furiouslymad.
“Canwestillbefriends?”heasks.
Whataloadedquestion?
DoIwanttobefriendswithBrooks?
Yes.
DoIwanttobemorethanfriendswithhim?
Maybe.
Idon’tknow.
“Justfriends,”heclarifies,asifhecanreadmythoughts.

“Justfriends,”Isay.
BecausefriendshipisallIcanofferBrooksrightnow.It’sallIcanofferanybodyrightnow.
Becausemylifeisindanger.
BecauseI’mconfused.
BecauseIthinkImighthavefeelingsforEstaine.
Idon’tknowwhatmyfutureholds,orifIevenhaveafuture.ButonethingIdoknowforsure.I’m

readyformyhappyeverafter.

Sunday,September3

Iwouldn’tbringyouback.

It’slaundryday.Because,evenafterthemostmortifyingandembarrassingdayofmylife,Istillhave

tohavecleanclothes.Sometimes,lifereallyisn’tfair.

Estainebroughthislaundryovertothegirls’dormsowecoulddoittogether.Ilovethathedid,

becauseIdon’twanttobealonerightnow.IcouldbarelysleeplastnightbecauseIwasworriedthata
terroristwasgoingtocomekidnapmeagain.

IstayedatUncleMattyandJake’shouselastnightasaprecaution.Theyweren’ttooworried,butit’s

hardtotellwiththem.Ithinksometimestheyactlikeeverythingisperfectlyokaybecausetheydon’twant
toworryme.I’mprettysurethetwoofthemcouldactcoolevenunderattack.It’sprobablythefirstthing
theyteachyouwhenyou’retrainingtobeSecretService.

WhenIwokeupthismorning,IwasthankfulIwasstillsafeatUncleMattyandJake’splace.There

werenoterrorists,andnoviralvideoofthekisscamincident.

Maybeweoverreacted.No,notaboutthekiss.I’mstillmadatBrooksforkissingmewhenIdidn’t

wanthimto.Butmaybethekisscamincidentwasn’tabigdeal.

“Areyoudoingokay?”Estaineasks,whenheseesmethatmorning.
“Yeah,”Ianswer,asIputmyclothesintothefrontloadingwasher.“Imean,Iwasworriedlastnight,

butIguessitwasallfornoreason.Noterroristscame,soIguesswe’regood.”

“Yeah,”hesays,buthedoesn’tsoundconvinced.“Iwasworriedaboutyouallnight.Well,Ihave

beenforawhile.SinceIfirstfoundout.”

“It’llbeokay,”Itellhim.
“Youshouldn’tbetheonecomfortingme,”hesays.“You’retheonewholiveseverydayindanger.”
Ishutthewashingmachineandstartthecycle.“I’mnotworried.UncleMattyandJakearegoodat

theirjob.They’retheoneswhorescuedmethefirsttimeIwaskidnapped.I’mconfidenttheycanfindme
again.”

“Iguess,”hesays,rubbingthebackofhishead.“Just,whathappensif...Imean,whatifthey...”his

voicetrailsoff.“Iwantyoutobesafe.And...alive.”

Iactuallyhadn’tthoughtofthat.
Iftheykilledmeinsteadofkidnappingme.
Butwhatwouldtheywiniftheykilledme?
“Thisgroup...theyhavesomethingagainstmydad.Theywanttousemeasleverage.Theycan’tuse

meifI’mdead,”Isay.“So,don’tworryaboutme.”

“Itjust...sucks,”Estainesays.“Andwhyyourdad?Mydad’sapoliticiantoo.Itcould’veeasilybeen

meinsteadofyou.”

“I’mgladit’snotyou,”Isay.“Iwantyoutobesafe.Besides,mydadispartofthegroupthatwrites

lawsforourcountry.Thatmakeshimdislikedbyalotofpeople.”

“Youknow,mydadisgoingtohatethefactthatyourdad’srepublican,”hesays.
Ilaugh.“Andmydadisgoingtohatethatyoursisdemocrat.Buthewilllikeyou.Imean,aslongas

youvoteforhimwhenyou’reoldenough.”

“Yourdadraisedyou,sohe’sgottobeprettygood,right?”
“Ithinkhe’sprettycool,”Isay.“ButmaybeI’malittlebiased.”
“Yousaidyourdad’swifeispregnant,right?”heasks.
“Sheis.Nora,”Isay.“She’sabouthalfwaythroughthepregnancy.”

“Isitweirdthatyou’regoingtobeseventeenyearsolderthanyoursibling?”
“Maybealittle,”Ianswer.“Tobehonest,IfigureNoraandDadwillhavemorekids.Nora’sinher

twentiesstill.”

“Andyou’reokaywiththat?”
“Itsoundsweird,Iknow.ButonceyoumeetNora,you’llseewhyIloveher.Sheandmydadtogether

aretheperfectmatch,”Isay.“Imissthem.Imissallofmyfamily.”

“Whendoyouthinkyou’llseethemagain?”
“Idon’tknow.”
“Ihatethatallthishashappened,butI’mgladyou’rehere,”hesays.
“Me,too.IthoughtIwouldhateit,butIdon’t,”Isay.
“AreyougoingtoforgiveBrooks?”
“Uh...”Isay.“ItoldhimIwould,butI’mstillsomadathim.Istillcan’tbelievehedidthat.”
“Ican,”Estainesays.“Brookshasalwaysbeenimpulsive.”
“IlikeBrooks,”Isay.“Buthegetssojealous.Ireallyhatethat.”
“HewasthatwaywithRiver,”hesays.“Theywereusuallyfightingoveraguy.”
“Doyouthinkromanceincollegeisanybetterthanhighschoolromance?”Iask.
“Idon’tknow,”heanswers.“Ononehand,Ithinkalotofpeoplelearnfrommistakestheymakein

highschoolromances.Butontheotherhand,maybewejustarewhoweare.Seeingmyparentsfighting
allsummerwasterrible.Maybeitdoesn’tmatterifyou’resixteenorforty.Maybesomerelationshipsare
destinedtomakeit,andsomearen’t.”

“Ithinkithasmoretodowithifthepeoplearewillingtofightfortherelationship.Everycouple

fights,right?Imean,evenDadandNoraargue.Buttheyhavethisthingwheretheyrefusetogotobed
mad,evenifitmeansstayingupuntiloneinthemorning,talkingthroughtheirissues.It’scute.Ilikeit.
Andtheydefinitelywon’targueinfrontofme,”Isay.

“Whataboutyourmomandstepdad?”
“Momfights.Rickissochill,”Isay.“So,whateverMomwants,Momgets.Theyhardlyeverfight

eachother.ButwhenRickisseriousaboutsomething,hewillwin.IaskedhimwhyhealwaysletsMom
getherway,andhetoldmeit’sbesttopickyourbattles.Don’tfightoverlittlethings,juststandyour
groundonthethingsthatarereallyimportanttoyou.”

“That’sactuallyreallygoodadvice,”Estainesays.
“Itworksforthem,”Isay.
“That’sgood,”hesays.“Myparentsaregoingtogopublicwiththeirdivorceannouncementsoon.”
“I’msorry,”Itellhim,notknowingwhatelsetosay.Iwastooyoungtoremembermyparents’

divorce,butIimagineitwouldsuck.Ican’trememberatimewhenmyparentswereinlove.Infact,
imaginingthemtogetheratalliskindofstrange.

“Soon,thewholeworldwillknowthatmyfamilyiscompletelyscrewedup,”hesays.
“Itmustbehardtohaveadadwhoisapolitician,”Isay.
“Yourdadisapolitician,”Estainesays.
“Oh.Right.Ialmostforgot,”Isay.“Mydaddidn’taskalotfromme.Ijusthelpedhimcampaigninthe

summerandontheweekends.ButIwantedto.Afterhewaselected,itdidn’treallyaffectme...Imean,
untilIwasnearlykidnapped.But,I’mproudofmydadforhisposition.Iknowhelovesit.”

“Doyouthinkhewillwanttorunagain?”
“Idoubtit,”Ianswer.“Afterwhat’shappenedwithme,IfigureDadwillfinishhistermandthenstep

away.IwouldsaythatIwanthimtostayinoffice,butIwantmyfuturebabybrotherorsistertobesafe.
AndIwantCharlietobesafe.Andallmyfamily.”

“Politicsaren’talwayssomessy,”hesays.“Nobodyhasevertriedtokidnapme.”
Ifeverypoliticianwentthroughwhatmydadhasgonethrough,therewouldn’tbeanybodyleftwho

wouldwanttotakeoffice.

“Doyouthinktheguyswhokidnappedmearedemocrats?”Iask,inacompletelyjokingtone.
Estainelaughs.
“Maybetheyjustkidnappedyoubecauseyou’recute,”hesays.
IfeelmyfacegrowwarmandI’mprettysureit’sbrightred.“MymomusedtotellmewhenIwas

littlethatifsomebodykidnappedme,theywouldendupbringingmebackhomebecauseIwoulddrive
themcrazy.”

“Whyisthat?”
“MymomsaidIconstantlytalked.ShesaiditwasnonstopfromthetimeIlearnedtotalkuntilIwas

aboutten.Ithinkshe’sexaggerating,though,”Isay.

Hejustsmiles.“Iwouldn’tbringyouback.”
IhaveafeelingIwouldn’twantEstainetobringmeback,butIquicklypushthethoughttothebackof

mymind.I’mnotgoingtoallowmyselftostartcrushingonthisguy.Ican’t.

Monday,September4

Doesmynosereallylooklikethat?

It’sMondayafternoonandthecampushasslowlybeenfillingbackupwithkidscomingbackto

schoolfromtheirLaborDaybreak.Iamjealousofeverybodywhowasallowedtogooffcampus.After
theincidentatthebaseballgame,I’mnotsurethatIwillbeallowedoffcampusagainforalongtime.

“What.The.Heck?”
Teagan’svoiceringsloudinourdormroomandIhearheroverthemusicIhaveblastinginmyears.I

removeoneoftheheadphonesandlookather,waitingforhertocontinuesayingwhatevershewasgoing
tosay.Butshedoesn’t.Shejustholdsupherphone.

Istandupandlookatthescreen.
It’sme.
Atthebaseballgame.
“Doesmynosereallylooklikethat?”Iask,touchingtheendofmynose.
Itlooksoddlysmalloncamera.
“PhoenixUnderwood,youneedtoexplainthistomerightnow,”Teagansays.“YoukissedEstaine

andBrooks.Andwhytheheckwereyoutherewithbothofthematthesametime,anyway?Ithoughtyou
weredatingEstaine?AndwhydidBrookskissyoulikethat?”

Idon’tanswerherquestion.Instead,Ifeelfearwishovermybodyslowly.Witheachbeatofmyheart,

thefearintensifiesuntilmyearsareringingandmyfaceishot.

“Wheredidyoufindthisvideo?”Iask.
“It’strendingonYouTube.AndTwitter.EverybodyisjealousofsomegirlattheBostongamebecause

shegottokisstwohotguys,”Teagananswers.“Nowit’syourturntoanswermyquestions.”

Idon’tthough.InsteadIwalkovertomybedandsitdown,becauseI’msuddenlyfeelingdizzy.I’m

havingproblemstakingadeepbreathandtheairaroundmeistoothin.

Oh,mygosh.
Iamgoingtodie.
Thisterroristsgroupisgoingtofindme.Andthistime,they’regoingtoshootmeinsteadof

kidnappingme.Theywon’ttakethechanceofmegettingrescued.

I’llneverbeseventeen.
I’llneverbekissedbyaboywhenIactuallywanttobekissedbyhim.
I’llnevergraduatehighschool.
I’llnevergotocollege.
Idon’tevenknowwhatIwantfromlifeyet,andnowthechoiceisgoingtobetakenawayfromme.

I’lljustbeapageintheyearbook.Thatgirlwhodiedreallyyoung.Andtheywon’tevenrememberme
becauseI’veonlybeenatthisschoolfortwoweeks.OrI’llberememberedasthatgirlwhokissedtwo
boysatabaseballgame,whichmightbeevenworsethannotbeingremembered.

“Hey,areyouokay?”Teaganasks.“Yourfaceisreallypale.”
“I’mfine,”Isay,butitcomesoutbreathless.
I’mprettysureI’mnotfine.
“Ineedtogo,”Isay,thenstandup.Inearlyfallover,butIcatchmyselfonthebedpost.
“Maybeyoushouldsitbackdown,”Teagansays.
“Maybeyou’reright,”Isay,fallingbackontothebed.
Ihavegottogetmyselfundercontrol.Idon’tevenknowthattheterroristssawthisvideo.Andevenif

theydidseeit,couldtheyreallytrackitbackhere?Andiftheydoseeit,willitputEstaineandBrooksin
danger?

ThereisaknockonthedoorandTeaganwalksovertoopenit.Whenshedoes,Estainewalksthrough.
“I’mguessingyousawthevideo,”hesays.
Inod.
“Doyouthink...”helooksatTeagan,thenme,“thatyourunclehasseenityet?”
Ishakemyhead.
IreallyneedtoshowUncleMattyandJake.
“Wanttotakeawalkwithme?”Estaineasks.
Inod.
“Idon’tthinksheshouldbegoinganywhererightnow,”Teagansays.
“I’llbefine,”Isay,standingupagain.
“Well,hurryback.Youhavealotofexplainingtodo,”shesays.
“Yeah,okay,”Isay.
EstaineandIwalkoutofmydorm,shuttingthedoorbehindus.
“Whatareyougoingtotellher?”Estainewhispers.
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Iguessthetruth.ThatBrookskissedmeagainstmywill.”
“Yeah,butitstilldoesn’texplainwhyhewasatthegamewithus,”hesays.
“Thatwouldbeyourfault.Youinvitedhim,”Isay.
“Becauseyouwereupset,”hesays.“Iwantyoutobehappy,whetherthatiswithme,Brooks,or

whomever.Ididn’trealizethathewoulddo...that.Imean,he’salwaysbeenimpulsive,buthe’susually
notsostupidaboutit.Ithinkhereallylikesyou.”

“Well,I’mstillmadathim,”Isay.
BecauseIam.
I’mgladhe’satWestRaven,becauseI’mprettysureifIhadtoseehisbeautifulblueeyesIwould

probablyhaveforgivenhimalready.AndIknowIshouldforgivehimanyway.I’mnotonetohold
grudges,usually.

“Youweresoupsetovereverythingthathappened,”Estainesays,aswewalkfromthebuilding

towardsmycar.“Ithoughtthatyoulikedhim,too.Like,youknow,morethanafriend-like.”

“Idon’tknowhim,”Isay.“I’veonlyseenhimafewtimesandwe’vetexted,butIdon’tknowhim

wellenoughtosaywhetherIlikehimornot.Idoknowthathegetsreallyjealous,whichissomethingthat
Idefinitelydon’tlike.Hecan’texpectmetonotbefriendswithotherguys.”

Especiallyifwe’rejustfriends.
I’msixteen.AndIwanttobefriendswithwhomeverIwanttobefriendswith.
MaybeIjustdon’tdowellwhensomebodytriestocontrolme.
“Whydidyoutrustmewithyoursecret?”Estaineasks,aswegetinthecar.
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Ijust...do.Ineededtotellsomebody,andyou’retheoneIchosetotell.I

don’tregretmydecision.”

“Yeah,but...whyme?”
Istartmycar,butdon’tmovetotakeoff,yet.Ijusttrytothinkofhowtoanswerhisquestion.
“Estaine,you’remyfriend.FromthemomentImetyou,Iknewthatweweregoingtobefriends,”I

say.“Itrustyoucompletely.WhichisprobablyinsaneconsideringI’veonlyknownyouforacoupleof
weeks,butIdo.”

“I’mgladyouchoseme,”hesays.“ButwhynottellBrooks?Youwerefriendswithhimtoo,then,

right?”

“Ican’texplainmychoice,”Isay,asIstartdrivingtowardsUncleMattyandJake’shouse.
Estainedoesn’trespondanddoesn’tsayanotherwordtheentiretwominutedrivetoUncleMatty’s

house.Normally,Iwouldfeeltheneedtofillthesilencewithpointlesschatter,butIfindthatsilencewith
Estaineisoddlycomforting.

“Whydoyouthinkyou’recomfortablewithme?”Estaineasks,aswepullintoUncleMatty’s

driveway.“Imean,comfortableenoughtotellmethetruth.”

Foramoment,Ithoughthewasthinkingoutloud.Ittakesasecondtorealizehe’sjustcontinuingour

earlierconversation.

Iturnofftheengine,butneitheroneofusreachforthedoor.
“Idon’tknow,”Ifinallyanswer.“IjustknowthatItrustyouwithmylife.”
“ButnotBrooks?”
Whataloadedquestion.
“No,”Ianswer.“NotthatIdistrustBrooks,butit’snotthesame.”He’snotthesame.
He’snotEstaine.

5pm.

Idon’twanttoloseyou.

UncleMattyandJakearesurprisinglycalm.AlotcalmerthanIam.
“Whyareyounotfreakingout?”IaskthemasIpacebackandforthinfrontofthecouchwherethey’re

sitting.“Whentheterroristsseethevideo,it’sgoingtoleadthemhere.”

“ThereisnostudentnamedPhoenixhereoratWestRaven,”UncleMattysays.“It’snotliketheycan

justcomeontoahighschoolcampusandsearchforyou.Thereasonwechosethisschoolisbecauseof
thesecurity.”

“They’reterrorists.Idon’tthinkthey’reexactlygoingtoaskpermissiontosearchforme,”Isay.

“Maybethey’lljustbombbothschools,justtobesure.”

“Thatwoulddefeatthepurpose,”Jakesays.“Ifkillingyouwasthegoal,theywould’vealreadydone

it.Theyneedyou.”

“So,youthinkI’msafethen?”Iask.
“Ialreadytoldyou,you’renevertrulysafe,”UncleMattysays.
“ThenwhatamIsupposedtodo?”
“Continuelikewehavebeen,”Jakeanswers.“Trainingeverymorning.You’llgotoclassandlive

yourlife.”

“JakeandIwillbekeepingaclosereyeonyou,”UncleMattysays.
“That’sit?”Iask.“Iamjustsupposedtocontinuepretendingtobelikeanormalteenager,while

somebodyoutthereislookingformesotheycandoGodknowswhattome?Howisthatinanyway
okay?”

“Ineversaiditwasokay,”UncleMattysays.“It’sjusttheonlyoptionyouhaverightnow.”
“Thisiscrap,”Estainesays,standingupfromhischair.“You’renotdoingenough.”
“Well,whatdoyouproposewedo?”Jakeasks.
“Idon’tknow,”Estainesays.“Butsomething.You’resupposedtobeprotectingPhoenix.”
“Weareprotectingher.Wouldyoupreferthatshestartherlifeoveragain?Thatwouldmeansaying

goodbyetoyouandeverybodyelseatthisschool,”UncleMattysays,nowsoundingangry.“Doyouwant
hertodisappear?Youmayneverseeheragainifwedo.”

“No.That’snotwhatIwant,”Estainesays,thenlooksatme.“Ican’timaginelifewithoutyounow.I

don’twanttoloseyou.”

“Idon’teither,”Isay.

“Thenit’ssettled,”UncleMattysays.
Ihavenochoicebuttotrustthem.

6pm.

It’sover.

“WhatdoItellher?”IaskEstaineaswewalktowardsthedininghalltogether.
“Her?”
“Teagan,”Ianswer.“Abouttheviralvideo.”
“Oh,”hesays.“Yeah,Iguesseverybodyisgoingtowonderaboutthat.Myphonehasbeenblowingup

withpeopleaskingquestions.”

“You’resupposedtobemyboyfriend.HowdoIexplainBrooks?”Iask.
“Well,wecantellthemthetruthaboutBrooks,”Estainesays.
“Thetruth?”
“Thatyouslappedhimafteryoustoppedbeingstunnedoverthefactthathekissedyou.”
Ilaugh.“Ican’tbelieveIslappedhim.I’veneverhitanybodyinmylife.NotevenCharlie,whenwe

foughtaskids.”

“I’mgladyoudidslaphim.Iwantedtopunchhimatthestadiumwhenitfirsthappened,”hesays.
“Ibetyourhitwould’vehurtworse,”Isay,aswewalkintotheroom.Everybodystopstalkingand

staresatus.Estainedoesn’tseemtonoticeorcare.

“Idoubtit.You’reanepicMMAfighter,”hesays.
Noteven.I’veonlybeenworkingwithUncleMattyandJaketwoweeks.
“Everybodyisstaring,”Isaytohim.
“Letthem,”hesays,andgrabsmyhand.
Ilovethewaymyhandfeelsinhis.
Wegrabourfoodandthensitdownatthetablewithourfriends.InoticethatEmmaandBryceare

sittingbyeachotherandI’mhopingthatthey’renotbacktogether.ButIalsonoticethatTeaganandJason
aresittingbyeachother.Jasonusuallydoesn’tsitbyher.

“Sup,guys?”Estaineasksaswesitdown.
They’reallwatchingus.
Iletoutasigh.“EstaineandIwenttoabaseballgame.Brookswentwithusbecausehe’smyfriend.

Hekissedme.IslappedhimafterIstoppedbeingstunned.Nowlet’snevertalkaboutitagain.Ever.”

“Areyoutwostilldating?”Emmaasks.
“Yes,”Estaineanswers.
“Andyoudidn’tpunchhim?”Bryceasks.“IfanyguyeventhoughtoftouchingEmma,he’dbeonthe

floorinasecondflat...”

Sotheyarebacktogether.
Itrytokeepmyfacialexpressionneutral,butI’mprettysurethedisgustisclearlywrittenfor

everybodytosee.

“Trustme,Iwantedtopunchhim,”Estainesays.“Butwatchingherslaphimwashot.”
Myfacegrowswarm.
“Whatwaswithyouguys’kiss?”Teaganasks.“Youjustbarelytouchedlips.”
“Uh...”Isay,butdon’treallyhaveanythingtosayinresponse.Estainestaysquietbesideme.
“Wait,youhaven’tkissedyet?”Teaganasks.
IlookatEstaine,tryingtofigureoutwhattosay.

Heputshisarmaroundme.“Ijustwantourfirstkisstobespecial,andnotbecauseacamerawason

usatabaseballgame.”

Nicesave.
Also,veryromantic.Ifweweredating,I’dbeswooningrightnow.Actually,forgetthat.I’m

swooning,anyway.AndifthelooksonEmmaandTeagan’sfaceareanyindication,I’dsaythey’repretty
impressedwithEstaine’sanswer.

“Wow.Youmustreallylikethisgirl.EspeciallysinceyouhungoutwithBrooksforher,”Jasonsays.
“Youguyshateeachother,”Iansays.
“Ithoughtitwouldbegoodforthemtoworkthroughtheirdifferences,”Isay.“ButnowI’mkindof

madatBrooks.”

“WhydidBrookskissyou?”Emmaasks.
“Hesaiditwasbecausehewasjealous,”Ianswer.
“Girlshereprobablyhateyounow,”Teagansays.“YoukissedBrooks,andyou’redatingEstaine.”
“Ikindofhateyou,”Emmasays,laughing.
Brycegivesheralook.He’snothappywithwhatEmmasaid,whichmakesmewanttolaugh.
“What?”Emmaasks.“I’mnotallowedtothinkotherguysarecute?”
“No,”Bryceanswers.
Emmajustrollshereyes.
Huh.
Maybetheirbreakdiddohersomegood.
“Ionlyhaveeyesforyou,”BrycetellsEmma.
Inearlychokeonmydrinkwhenhesaysthat,andInoticethatTeagancoughstocoverupalaughtoo.
“Sorry,”Isay,pattingmychest.“Justwentdownthewrongway.”
“Phoenix,wouldyoubejealousifEstainethoughtsomeothergirlwascute?”Bryceasks,clearly

challengingme.

“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Maybealittle,butIdefinitelywouldn’tactlikeajealousfreakaboutit.

It’snotlikewe’reengagedoranything.Besides,ItrustEstaine.Idon’thavetoworryabouthimcheating
onme.”

Besides,we’renotreallydating.
“NogirlcancomparetoPhoenix,”Estainesays.
Ilaugh.“Whatever.”
“Estaine,aren’tyoujealousthatanotherguykissedyourgirlfriend?”Bryceasked.“Because,ifyou

askme,itkindoflookedlikeshekissedhimback.”

“WhywouldIbejealousofBrooks?”Estaineasks.“I’vegotthegirl.”
Ha.
Greatresponse.
“Whatever,”Brycesays.“I’mjustsaying,noguybettertrytokissEmma.”
“Ihopeyoutrustmenottoletanotherguykissme,”Emmasays.“Because,unlikesomepeopleatthis

table,I’veneverbeenunfaithful.”

Oh.
Burn.ThatwasmostdefinitelyadigatBryce.Andhedeservedit.
“Itoldyou,Emma,wecan’tbetogetherifyoukeepbringingitup,”Brycesays.
“Well,maybeIdon’twanttodateyou,Bryce.BecauseifIwanttobringitup,I’llbringitup,”Emma

says.

“Fine,”hesay,standingup.“It’sover.”
“Good,”Emmasays.
Bryceturnsandwalksaway.

Wonderhowlonguntiltheygetbacktogether.
“So,howaboutthatRedSox’sgame,huh?”Ianasks.
Ijustlaugh.
ThedramaatEastRaven...

8pm.

Can’teven.

IknowthesecondIwalkbacktomydormroomthatTeaganisgoingtogrillmeforinformation,soI

amslowlygoingtothedorm,tryingtocomeupwithanexplanation,anyexplanation,whichwillexplain
toherwhatisgoingon.

WhenIopenthedoor,TeaganandEmmaareboththere.
“Hey,”Isaytothem.
“Weneedmoredetailsthanyougave,”Teagansays.
“Sospill,”Emmasays.
Iletoutasigh.“Well,there’snotalottoexplain.”
“Let’sstartwithwhybothBrooksandEstaineditchedTheHamptonsforLaborDay,”Teagansays.

“It’sjustexpectedthatthey’dthrowaparty.Imagineeverybody’ssurprisewhentheyshowedupandboth
houseswerelockedup.”

“Estainestayedwithme.IhonestlyhavenoideawhyBrooksstayed,”Ianswer,tryingtobeashonest

asIpossiblycan.“IkindofhurtBrooks.Youknow,’causeI’mdatingEstaine.IguessEstainefeltbad,
becauseheknewhowupsetIwas.HeinvitedBrooks,tobenice.”

It’ssortoftrue.
“IshetryingtogetyoutodumphimforBrooks?”Emmaasks.“CauseEstaineishot.Thehottestguy

here.ButBrooks...he’slike...moviestarhot.”

“Icouldtotallyseehimbeingamoviestar,”Teagansays,nowlookingatEmma.“Orarockstar.I

wonderifhecansing.”

“Whocares?I’dgototheconcertsjusttostareathim.”
Irollmyeyes.“Guys,canwefocus?”
“Right,”Teagansays,lookingbackatme.“YoualreadyknowI’mteamEstaine.BrooksRemingtonis

notcommitmentmaterial.”

“YouandEstaineareperfectforeachother,”Emmasays.
“But,behonest,youkissedBrooksbackatthegame.”
“OnlybecauseIwasshocked,”Isay.“Iwasn’tsurewhatIwasdoing.Iwasjuststunned.Ittookme

aboutthirtyminutestoeventalkafterwards.AndthenIslappedhim.”

“I’vealwayswantedaguytokissmeintheheatofthemoment,andthenmeslaphim,”Emmasays.

“Liketheyusedtodointheoldmovies.Itwouldbesoromantic.”

Slappingaguyisromantic?
“Whydidheevenkissyou?”Teaganasks.“Ifheknewyou’rewithEstaine,Imean.”
“Brookssaidhewasjealous,”Ianswer.
“Wow,”Emmasays,hermouthhangingopen.IwatchasgumfallsoutofhermouthandontoTeagan’s

arm.

“Gross,”Teagansays,holdingupherarm.
Emmatakesthegumandsticksitbackinhermouth.
Gross.

“Sorry,”Emmasays.“Ijust...can’teven.”
“Ugh,”Teagansays.“YouknowIhatewhenpeoplesaythat.”
“Thissituationtotallycallsforit,”shesays.
“Maybeyou’reright,”Teagansays,thenlooksatme.“Whatareyougoingtodo?”
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Imean,IlikeBrooks.You’reright.Heisgorgeous.Buthe’ssuperjealous.

Healwayshasbeen,evenbeforeEstaineandIstarteddating.”

Iwanttotellthemthatourrelationshipisphony.Thatwe’renotdating.ButIcan’tdothatwithout

tellingthemalotmore.ThingsthatIliterallycannottellthem,unlessIwanttogointohidingagain.Only
thistime,Idon’tthinkit’llbeaplaceasniceasEastRaven.

AndEstainewon’tbethere.
OrBrooks.
OrTeaganandEmma.
OranyofthefriendsI’vemadehere.
“Howwasthekiss?”Emmaasks.
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Idon’thaveanykissestocompareitto.”
“Oh,right.Iforgot,”shesays.
“YouneedtokissEstainealready,”Teagansays.“Ibethiskisswouldmakeyouforgetallabout

Brooks.”

That’swhatI’mscaredof.
“What’sgoingonwithyouandJason?”IaskTeagan.
“Well,overthebreakwekindofhungout,”Teagananswers.
“So,he’syourboyfriendnow?”Iask.
Herfacebreaksoutwithawidegrinandhereyeslightup.“Yeah.Wewerekissingonenight,andhe

waslike,‘wanttobemygirlfriend?’”

“Romantic,”Isay,laughing.
“That’sprettymuchasromanticasJasongets,”Emmasays.
“Hecanberomanticwhenhewantstobe,”Teagansays.“Besides,youknowI’mnotmuchofa

flowersandchocolateskindofgirl.”

“Fine.IfJasongivesyouflowersandchocolate,youcangivethemtome,”Emmasays.
“Brycecanbuyyouflowers,”Teaganreplies.
“Webrokeup.Youwerethere,remember?”
“AndIwastherethetimebeforewhenyoubrokeup.Andthen,thetimebefore.Oh,andtheotherfifty

times.Youguyswillgetbacktogether.Youalwaysdo,”Teagansays.“Icanimagineyouguysbeing
marriedoneday,goingtothedivorcelawyereveryotherday.”

Emmarollshereyes.“ImightdateBryceagain,butIamnotmarryinghim.”
“You’dbetternot,becauseIrefusetobemaidofhonorifyoudo.”
“Whenwegotocollege,I’mgoingtodateasuper-hotguy,”Emmasays.“Andheisgoingtohelpme

forgetIeverdatedBryce.”

Isitdownonmybed,enjoyingtheireasybanter.
It’seasytoseewhyTeaganandEmmaarebestfriends.Emmaisaprettycoolgirlwhenshe’snot

cryingoverBryce.IwishIcouldseethiscarefreesideofhermoreoften.Ihopeshedoesn’twasteher
entirehighschoolexperienceonhim.

“Whatareyougoingtodoaboutyourboydrama,Phoenix?”Emmaasks.
“IamattractedtoBrooks,butIhaveafeelingheandIwouldfight,like,allthetime,”Isay.“Estaine

isdifferent.Hewasmyfriendfirst.He’sstillmyfriend.Wemighteventuallyfight,butitwon’tbeover
stupidthingsallthetime.”

“I’dbetterbeabridesmaidinyourwedding,”Teagansays.“SinceIbasicallysetyouandEstaineup.”

Ithrowmypillowatheranditsmacksherinthefacebeforeshecanmoveoutoftheway.
“Youguysdomakeaverycutecouple,”Emmasays.
“Thanks,”Isay.
Evenifwearen’tarealcouple.

Tuesday,September5

Finallytogether.

WhenIwenttobedMondaynight,IadmitIwasabitworriedthatIwouldgetkidnappedinmysleep.

ButwhenIwakeupsafelyinmydormroom,Iknowthatitwasallinvain.IamsafeatEastRaven
Academy.

Actually,I’vealwaysfeltsafehere.Ofcourse,IfeltsafeinCaliforniauntilIgotkidnapped.
TeaganisstillsleepingwhenIleaveforbreakfastthatmorning.Iheardhersneakintothedorm

aroundtwothismorning,soIfigureshe’sexhausted.I’msohappyforherandJason,thatthey’refinally
together.

AsI’mabouttowalkin,IspotPaigeglaringatme.
Thisgirl.
“Isoneguynotenoughforyou?”sheasks.“You’vegottodateEstaineandBrooksnow?”
“I’monlydatingEstaine,”Isay,notthatit’sherbusiness.“It’sonlyeverbeenEstaine.”
“Isawthevideo.Everybodydid,”Paigesays.“Idon’tknowhowyoudidit,butI’mwatchingyou.”
“Okay,”Isay.“Havefunwiththat.”
“You’repathetic,”shesays,shakingherheadatme.
“Phoenix!”Ihearsomebodyyell.
IlookupandspotIanwalkingover.
“Everythingokay?”Ianasks.
Inod.
“Yougotathirdboyfriendnow?”Paigeasks.
“Ifonly,”Iansays.“Shealwaysturnsmedown.SheandEstainearesickeninglyinlove.”Heturnsso

thathe’sstandingbetweenPaigeandme.He’sgothisbacktoher,clearlyexcludingherfromthe
conversation.“IthinkEstaineisalreadyinthere.”

Thetwoofuswalktowardsthecafeteriatogether,andIamthankfulforhim.
“Thankyou,”Itellhim,afterwegetourfoodandstartwalkingtowardsourtable.“Ican’tstandgirls

likePaige.Idon’tknowwhatherproblemis,butshe’sbeenridiculoustomesinceshefoundoutabout
Estaineandme.”

“Estainesaysyou’reintoMMAandthatyoucankickhisbuttinafight,soI’mnottooworriedabout

you,”Iansays,aswesitdown.“Thatgirlisawimp.She’dbetooscaredtobreakanailinafight.”

“Whoareyougoingtofight?”Estaineasks.
“PaigeLawson,”Iananswersforme.“She’sjealousthatPhoenixisdatingyou.”
“Still?”heasks,lookingatme.
“It’snotabigdeal.I’vedealtwithmeangirlsbefore,”Isay.
“I’lltakecareofit,”hesaysdefensively.“I’mnotgoingtoletthatgirlmesswithyou.”
“Don’t,”Isay.“She’sjustgotacrushonyouandismadthatyou’rewithme.”
Ialreadyknowthathe’snotinterestedindatingPaige.Hemadethatveryclear.Ifhewas,Iwould

gladlylethimbreakupwithme.

Well,maybenotgladly.
HavingafakerelationshipwithaguythatImightkindofhaveasmallcrushonishard.Because,

whilewearecompletelyfakingbeingtogether,myfeelingsdon’tknowthat.Andwhenheeventuallydoes
wanttodatesomebodyelse,breakingupisgoingtosuck.

“Iwouldn’tgiveherthetimeofday,evenifyouweren’there,”Estainesays.

“She’salwayswantedEstaine.AndBrooks,”Iansays.“They’retheonlytwoguysthatshecan’t

have.”

“Youdatedher?”Iask.
Ianlaughs.“Datedisastrongword.Wemighthavemadeoutacoupleoftimes.”
“Gross,”Isay.“Ihopeyousanitizedyourmouthafterwards.”
“Truestory,Estainesaidtheexactsamethingtomeafterhefoundout,”Iansays.“Youtwomustbe

meanttobe.”

Ialwaysfeelsoweirdwhenourfriendsmakecommentsaboutourrelationship.Like,whentheysay

we’recutetogetherorperfecttogether.ButEstaineseemslikeit’scompletelynormal,likeheexpectsit.
Hejustputshisarmaroundme,pullingmecloser.

“It’sfate,”Estainesays.
“What’sfate?”Emmaasks,asherandBrycesitdownatthetable.
Iguessthey’rebacktogether,butnobodysaysawordtothemaboutit.
“EstaineandPhoenix,”Iansays.“Bothofthemevenhaveweirdnames.”
“Canyouimaginewhatthey’llnametheirkids?”Brycesays.
Wow.
EvenBryceisinagoodmoodtoday.
“Justdon’tnamethemafterfood.Youdon’twantyourkidbeingcalledsomethingweirdlike

Pineapple,”Emmasays.

“I’veheardalotofcelebritiesnametheirkidsweirdthings,”Isay.“Iactuallywenttoschoolwitha

girlnamedPeach.Though,inherdefense,herdadwasstrungoutondrugsprettybadlywhenshewas
born.”

“Peach.That’sjusthorrible,”Emmasays.
“CharliedatedthisgirlwhowasnamedTokyo.Apparentlyherparentsnamedalltheirchildrenafter

thecitiestheywereconceivedin,andtheyhadalotofkids,”Isay.“Tokyo,Rome,Hamilton,Berlinand,
theworst,Warsaw.”

“Warsaw?”Ianasks.
“It’sinPoland,”Isay.
“Wereyounamedafterthecityyouwereconceivedin?”Emmaasks.
“I’mtooscaredtoaskmy...”
EstainecutsmeoffbeforeIcansaymymomordad.“Iamconvincedmyparentsmadeupmyname.”
“Knowingyourdad,theyprobablyhadabookwithposhbabynamesinside,”Iansays.“Like,which

namewilllookbestonapresidentialballot?”

“I’llvoteforyou,”Itellhim.
“I’mnotsureIwanttobeapolitician,”Estainesays.“Mydadwantsmetobepresidentsomeday.

He’stoldmethat,sinceIwasakid.ButIthinkImightwanttodosomethingelse.”

“Good,’causeIdon’tthinkmydadwouldletmedateafuturedemocrat.”
Estainelaughs.
“Ithoughtyourdadwasdead,”Emmasays.
Ah,crud.
“Heis,”Isay.“Ijust...myuncle...sometimesIcallhimdad,’causeIwasraisedwithhim.”
“Oh,okay,”shesays,acceptingmyresponse.“WhereisTeaganthismorning?AndJason.”
“Shesnuckbackinthedormearlythismorning,”Isay.“I’mguessingthey’regoingtobesleeping

late.”

“Abouttimethosetwostarteddating,”Iansays.“Jason’sbeenpiningoverhersincefreshmanyear.”
“Whyhaven’ttheydatedbeforenow?”Iask.
IseriouslythoughtitwasJasonwhodidn’twanttodateTeagan.Shetoldmeshehadacrushon

somebodyatthebeginningoftheyear.IassumedshemetJason,butmaybeitwasn’thim.

“Teaganalwaysturnedhimdownbefore,”Iansays.
“Why?”Iask.
“HowwouldIknow?”heasks.
AndnowI’mcurious...justwhohasshebeencrushingon?

11pm.

Prettyobvious.

EstaineandIaresittingontheboatdock;myfeetaredanglingoverthewater.
BryceandEmmaaresomewhereouthere,andJasonandTeaganwelostsomewherealongtheway.

Wewereallsupposedtohangouttogether,butIdon’tmindhangingoutwithjustEstaine.I’mthemost
comfortablewhenit’sjustthetwoofus.

“Doyoueverfeellikewearedeceivingeverybody?”IaskEstaine,asIlookoutatthewater.
“You’relyingtosaveyourlife,”hesays.“Ithinktheywouldunderstand.”
“Ididn’tmeanaboutthatpart,”Isay.“Imean,aboutus.Youknow,we’refakedating,orwhatever.I

feelreallyguilty.I’mlyingenoughaboutotherthings.Idon’twanttolieaboutus,too.”

“Ifwehaveafakebreakup,wecouldn’tcontinuehangingoutlikethis,”hesays.“Imean,people

wouldthinkwewerebacktogether.Nobodywouldbelievewe’rejustfriends.Plus,evenbeforewe
startedfakedating,everybodyknewthatIhad...have..feelingsforyou.”

“You...do?”Iask.
“Ithoughtitwasprettyobvious.”
Maybe.
Kindof.
Butalso,notatall.
“Maybetoeverybodyelse,”Isay.
MaybeIwasjusttooobsessedoverBrooks,inthebeginning,toevennoticethatEstainelikedme.
Brookswasveryvocalabouthisfeelingstowardsme.ButEstaine...he’sjustbeenmyfriend.He’s

beenthereformefromthebeginning.Andmyfeelingsforhimhaveslowlybeendeveloping.

“Youreallydidn’tknow?”heasks.
Ishakemyhead.
“Well,Ilikeyou,”Estainesays.
Ican’thelpbutsmile.Ineverexpectedhimtojustcomeoutandsayit.He’susuallymoresubtle,but

maybeIdon’tneedsubtle.MaybeIneededhimtojustcomerightoutandsayit.

I’mawareofthefactthatIhaven’tsaidanythingtohimyet,butIjustneedamomenttoshiftthrough

mythoughtsandfeelings.

IlikeEstaine.Thereisnodoubtaboutthat.IfIdidn’tlikehim,Iwouldn’thavetoldhimthetruth.
Yes,it’safactthatIhadsomekindofweirdinstantattractionthinggoingonwithBrooks.Butthatwas

allitwas—attraction.Ihadthismajorcrushonhimwithoutevergettingtoknowhim.Itwasn’tthatway
withEstaine.Imean,Ifoundhimattractivefromthebeginning,butit’sdifferentwithhim.Everythingis
differentwithhim.

“DidIfreakyouout?”Estaineasks.
He’ssocalm.
IfIhadjustconfessedmyfeelingsforsomebodyandtheysaidnothing,Iwouldbefreakingout.
“No,”Ianswer.“Iwasjustthinking.”

Hestaysquiet,andIknowhe’swaitingformetocontinue.
“Ilikeyou,too,”Isay.
“Really?”heasks,soundinggenuinelysurprised.
“Yeah,”Ianswer,lookingupathim.Eveninthedark,Icanseehowgreenhiseyesare.
“Doyouthinkweshouldstoppretenddating?”Estaineasks.
“What?Why?Ithoughtyoudidn’twanttobreakup...”
“Ididn’tmeanbreakup.Imean,maybeweshouldforrealdate,”hesays.“Imean,Ilikeyou.Andyou

likeme.Everybodyelsethinkswe’redating.So,whynotjustdateforreal?Imean,ifyouwantto.”

Ihaveneverwantedaboyfriendinhighschool.
ButEstaineisn’tlikeotherboys.He’sproventhatplentyoftimes.
“Ihaveafewquestionsfirst,”Isay.“BeforeIanswer.”
“Okay,”hesays.
“IfIhangoutwithotherguys,guyswhoarejustfriends,willyoubejealous?”Iask.
“Ifthey’rejustfriends,Iwon’tbejealous,”hesays.
“WhatifIeventuallywanttobefriendswithBrooksagain?”Iask.
“Youwill,”Estainesays.“Iknowyou,andeventuallyyou’lltalktoBrooksagain.I’mokaywiththat,

aslongashedoesn’tkissyou.”

Ilaugh.“IpromiseIwon’tlethimkissme.Ifhetries,I’lltryoutmyMMAmovesonhim.”
“Good,”hesays.“Whatelse?”
“Idon’twanttofight,”Itellhim.“Iknowwedon’tfightnow,butifweevergettothepointwherewe

fightalot,Iwantyoutobeabletowalkaway.IdonotwanttobelikeBryceandEmma.”

“Ipromise,Iwon’tletusbelikethem,”hesays.
“Okay,”Isay.“So...we’re,like,forrealdatingnow?”
“Yeah.”
Ismile.“Itdoesn’treallychangeanything,becauseeverybodyalreadythinkswe’redating.”
“Itchangeseverything,”hesays.
Ilookathim,wonderingwhathemeans.
“NowIcankissyou.”
Andhedoes.
Inmyhead,thisismyfirstkiss.Idon’tcountwhathappenedwithBrooks,becauseIdidn’twantthat

kiss.ButIdowantthiskiss,anditcouldn’tbemoreperfectthanitiswithEstaine.

Righthere,withhislipsagainstmine,myhandsrunningthroughhishair—it’sperfect.

Wednesday,September6

Forgiveness.

Thenextday,EstaineandIarebothunabletowipethesmilesoffourfaces.Allourfriendsnotice,of

course,butwhatcanwetellthem?Weweren’treallydating,justpretenddating,butnowwe’reforreal
dating?No.So,fornow,it’lljustbeourlittlesecret.

EstaineandIwalktothesoccerfieldstogetherandsitinthestandsbyourfriends.
Tonight,thegirls’soccerteamisplayingagainstWestRavenAcademy.I’malittlenervousthat

Brookswillshowup,butIrelaxwhenthegamegetsstartedandIstillhaven’tseenhim.I’dreallyliketo
avoidthat,ifpossible.I’mnotreallymadathimanymore,mostlyjustaggravated.OnceItellBrooksthat
IamforrealdatingEstaine,heprobablywon’twanttotalktomeanymore,soitdoesn’treallymatter.

IamalittlejealousofTeagantonight,watchingheronthefield.Ishouldbeoutthereplaying,too,and

thefactthatI’mnotisjustanotherreminderthatthislife...it’sfake.Evenmynameisfake.

Estainesqueezesmyhand,asifheknowswhatI’mthinking.Hesmilesatme,andI’mremindedthat

heisreal.Wearereal.Hemightpossiblybetheonlyrealthinginmyliferightnow.Buthe’senough.

SomebodysitstotherightofmeandIlookovertoseeEmma.Shehastearsrunningdownherface,

andIautomaticallyknowthatsheandBrycehavebrokenup.Again.Iresisttheurgetorollmyeyes,
becauseshe’sclearlyhurting.

“What’sthematter?”Iaskher,justtobepolite.
“Bryce...”shesobs.“Webrokeupearlier.Justafewhoursago.AndIjustsawhimkissinganother

girlunderthebleachers.”

Emmawipesunderhereyes.
“Doyouwantmetobeathimupforyou?”Iask,becauseIhavewantedtobeathimtoapulpsinceI

firstmethim.NowIknowI’mstrongenoughtodoit.IfIcantakeonEstaine,Brycewouldbenoproblem
atall.

Bryceiskindofshortforaguy.He’sbarelytallerthanIam.Andhe’ssuperskinny.
“No.Ijustwantustobeoverforreal,”shesays.“Iwanttobestrongenoughtotellhimnowhenhe

triestogetbacktogetherwithme.ButIcan’teverseemtotellhimno,andIhatemyselfforit.”

“MaybeifIrearrangedhisfacealittlebit,youwouldn’twanttodatehimanymore,”Isay.
Shelaughs.“No,it’sokay.Honestly.Ijustwanthimtoknowhowitfeels.Itkillsmetowatchhimkiss

somebodyelse.Ishouldfindaguytokissinfrontofhimandshowhimhowmuchithurts.”

Ian,whoissittingontheothersideofEstaine,leansforward.“Mylipsareupforthechallenge.”
EmmaactuallysmilesatIan.“I’llgetbackwithyouonthat.”
“I’msurprisedyourotherboyfriendisn’there,”Iansaystome.
Irollmyeyes.“Estaineismorethanenoughforme.”
“Brooksknowsbetterthantoshowuphere,”Estainesays.
“Idon’tthinkanybodygavehimthatmemo,”Emmasays.
IlookatEmmatoseewhatshe’slookingat.Ifollowhereyesto...
Brooks.
He’sstandingatthebottomofthebleachers.PaigeLawsonistalkingtohim.Sheislaughingat

somethinghesaid,buthe’snotlookingather.Hiseyesaresearchingthestands.Theystopwhentheyget
tome.HesmilesandwalksoffwithoutsayingawordtoPaige.

Paigelooksfurious.
Shelockseyeswithmeandiflookscouldkill,I’dbedead.

“Ithinkshehatesyouevenmore,”Emmasays.
ButI’mmorefocusedonthefactthatBrooksismakinghiswaytowardsus.Oninstinct,Iscootcloser

toEstaine.Icanfeelhowtenseheisbesideme,butherelaxeswhenIscootcloser.Maybehewas
worriedthatIstillhadfeelingsforBrooks.

MyfeelingsforBrooksare...complicated.I’mstillattractedtohim.ButI’malsomadathim.Iknow

thatheandItogetherwouldbetoxic.IwouldbelikeEmma.That’swhyIcan’tbewithhim.Idon’thave
toworryaboutthatwithEstaine.

AndIreallydolikeEstaine.
“Hey,Phoenix,”Brookssays,thennodsatEstaine.“Estaine.”
“I’lljust...”Emmasays,standingup.“Go.”
Shewalksdownthestairs.
“I’mgoingtogowithher,”Iansays,following.
Brookssitsdownbesideme,andI’mawarethateverybodyisnowlookingatus,insteadofwatching

thesoccergame.

“Youlookgood,”Brookssaystome.
IlookdownatmygreenhoodiethatsaysEastRavenAcademy.Ithasaravenandtheschoollogoon

it.AndI’mwearingmyschooluniformunderit.JustasimpleblackskirtandmyConverse.

“Whatdoyouwant,Brooks?”Iask.
“Youwon’tanswermytexts,”hesays.“Ormyphonecalls.”
“Maybeyoushouldtakethehint,”Estainesays.“Shedoesn’twanttotalktoyou.”
BrookslooksatEstaineandmyintertwinedhands.
“Isthisarealthingnow?”Brooksasks.
“Yes,”Ianswer.
Brookssmiles,butIcantellit’sforced.“Congratulations.”
“Thanks,”Isay.
“Icametoapologize.Again,”Brookssays.“Becauseyouhaven’trespondedtothehundredsof

apologiesI’vetextedyou.I’msorry,Phoenix.IknowIshouldn’thavekissedyou.Iregretit.”

“Iforgiveyou,”Isay.“Butdon’teverdoitagain.”
“Ifyoudo,shewon’tbetheonlyonehittingyou,”Estainesays.
“Iwon’t,”Brookssays,ignoringEstaine.“Ijust...wantustobefriendsstill.Justbecauseyou’re

datinghimdoesn’tmeanwecan’tstilltalkandhangout.”

“Itwouldn’tlookgood,”Isay.“Ifwehungout.BecauseyoukissedmewheneverybodythoughtIwas

datingEstaine.AndnowI’mforrealdatinghim.Idon’tthinkit’sagoodidea.”

“Comeon,Phoenix,”hesays.“I’mjustaskingtobeyourfriend.That’sit.”
IlookfromBrookstoEstaine.
Estainedoesn’tlookhappy.
“It’suptoyou,”Estainesays.
“Iwon’thangoutwithyouunlessEstaineisthere,too,”ItellBrooks.
ThiscausesBrookstosmile.“Why?Scaredyoumightbetheonetokissme?”
Irollmyeyes.“Andnocommentslikethatorthedealisoff.”
“Fine,”Brookssays.“I’lltakewhatIcanget.”
“Friendshipisallyou’regetting,”Isay.
“Okay,”hesays,buthe’sstillsmilingbig.
IhaveafeelingI’mgoingtoregretthat.

12pm.

Video.

WewonourgameagainstWestRaven.Now,practicallythewholeschoolisdownatthedocks,

celebrating.EstaineandIarejustwalkingalong,whenwegopastsomeonewholookslikeEmma.

Andshe’skissingsomebody.
SomebodywhoisclearlynotBryce.
Istoptolook,andseethatshe’skissingIan.
Mymouthfallsopen.
Estainelaughsandpullsmeforward,awayfromthem.
“IguessthatmeansEmmaandBryceareover,”Isay.
“We’llsee,”Estainesays.“Emma’snevershowninterestinanotherguybefore.”
Teagan,whoisholdinghandswithJason,walksuptous.
“DidIjustseeEmmaand...Ian?”Teaganasks.
“Yep,”Estaineanswers.
“Huh,”shesays,thensmiles.“Ilikeit.”
“Bryceisgoingtoblowagasketwhenhesees,”Jasonsays.
“Likehehasaright,”Isay.“Hewaskissingsomegirlearlier,andEmmacaughtthem.”
“Well,goodforEmma,”Jasonsays.
Teaganlooksfurious,butthenshegrins.“WhatisthisIheardaboutBrooksRemingtonshowingupat

thesoccergame?”

“Brookscameto...talk,”Ianswer.
“Aboutwhat?”
“Beingfriends.Withme,”Isay.
“Andwhatdidyoutellhim?”Teaganasks.
“Thatwecanbefriendsaslongashedoesn’ttrytokissmeagain,”Isay.“Andthatwecan’thangout

unlessEstaineisthere,too.”

“Ah,”shesays,thenlooksatEstaine.“Andyou’reokaywiththat?”
Estainenods.“I’mnotgoingtotellPhoenixwhoshecanandcan’tbefriendswith.”
Teagansmiles.“Uhhuh.”
IdecidetochangethesubjectawayfrommeanddefinitelyawayfromBrooks.
“Youplayedsogoodtonight,”Isay.
“Thanks,”Teagansays,herfacecompletelylitup.Icantellshe’sproudofherself.“Weworkedhard.

AndbeatingWestRavenisalwaysabonus.”

Teagangoesontotalkaboutalltheawesomemomentsinthegame.Whileshe’stalking,myphone

goesoff.Ihavenoideawhowouldbetextingmethislate,sinceallmyfriendsareliterallyhere.Ipull
outmyphonetomakesureeverythingisallright.IseethatUncleMattyiscallingme.Iholdupafingerto
TeaganasIanswer.

“Hello.”
“Whereareyou?”UncleMattyasks,hisvoiceinapanic.
“I’matthedockswithmyfriends,”Ianswer.“We’recelebratingthe...”
Hecutsmeoff.“Iamonmywaythere.”
Thephonelinecutsoff,andIlookatEstaine.
“I...uh...”IlookatTeaganandJason.“I’msorry.EstaineandIhavetogo.”
Idon’tgivethemtimetorespond.IjustgrabEstaine’shandandwewalkawayfromourfriends,

towardstheedgeofthewoods.

“UncleMattysayshe’sonhiswayhere,”ItellEstaine,oncewegettotheedge.“Iguessweshould

waithere,butI’mscared.”

“Doyouthinksomethingbadhappened?”heasks.
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Ihopenot.Ijust...Ididn’twantthemtoseeUncleMattyandJakehere.

HowcouldIexplainmyuncleandcousincomingoncampusinthemiddleofthenight?Ican’texactlysay
anothercousindied.HowmanyfakecousinscanIhavedieinayear,beforepeoplecatchon?”

“It’llbeokay,”Estainesays,pullingmeclosetohim.
Myphonestartsvibratingwithanotherphonecall.IansweritwithoutlookingatthecallerID.
“Hello.”
“Phoenix...areyouokay?”Brooksvoicecomesfromtheotherside.
“I’m...fine.Why?”
“Yourface...you’reonthenews,”hesays.
“Me?”Iask.
“Apparentlyaterroristsgroupreleasedavideowithyouinit,”Brookssays.“Andyourdad...he’s...

TommyBlack.”

“Whatdoyoumeanavideo?”
“Whoisthat?”Estaineasks.
“Holdon,”ItellBrooks,puttingthephoneonspeaker.“Estaine’shere,too.Youneedtoexplainwhat

youmean.”

“Thisterroristsgroupreleasedavideo,basicallythreateningtokillyouifyourdaddoesn’thelppass

somelaw,”Brookssays.“Theysaidtheywereofferingamilliondollarrewardtowhoeverturnedyouin,
whichisjustcrazy.”

“Oh,mygosh,”Isay,puttingahandovermymouth.
“Thepresidentreleasedsomekindofastatementsayingthatifanybodydoesknow,theyshouldn’ttry

tocontactthegroup,”Brookssays.“It’scrazy.ThepresidentoftheUnitedStates.”

“Brooks,canyoustopbeingstunnednow.Thisisserious,”Estainesays.“Phoenixcouldbein

danger.”

“Iknow.Crap,”Brookssays.“I’msorry,Phoenix.Areyouokay?”
“Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“UncleMattyisonhiswaytogetme.I’mscared.”
Estainetightenshisgriparoundme.
“It’sgonnabeokay,”Brookssays,reassuringme.
“I’vegottogo,Brooks,”Itellhim.
“Promiseyou’llcallmetomorrow?”
“Yeah,”Ianswer.“Ipromise.”
IendthecallandlookupatEstaine.
“Whatiftheymakemeleave?”Iask.
“Theywon’t,”hesays.
“Whatiftheydo?WhatifIneverseeyouagain?”
“I’llgowithyou.”
“Youcan’t.Youhaveschoolhere...youhavealife.”
“Wedon’tknowwhat’sgoingtohappen,yet,”Estainesays.“Butdon’tworry.IpromiseIwillbeby

yoursidetheentiretime.”

Hekissesthetopofmyhead,andIhavenochoicebuttobelievehim.
Nomatterwhathappens,evenifIleaveEastRavenAcademy,I’llstillhaveEstaine.
Somehow,thatmakeseverythingseemlessscary.

Theend.

Book2,NeverEver,iscomingOctober13,2017!

LetterfromScarlett

Hey!Thankyousomuchforreadingthefirstbookinmyseries,EastRavenAcademy.Sorryabout

thatcliffhanger;).Don’tworry,Ihavealotmoreplannedinthisworldandlookforwardtospendingtime
withthesecharacters.Ihopeyouenjoyitaswell!Book2iscomingOctober13,2017.

Ifyoudidenjoythisbook,itwouldmeanalottomeifyouleftareviewwhereveryoupickedthisup.
Formoreinformationonthisseries,besuretocheckoutmyblog

https://scarletthaven.wordpress.com

—ScarlettHaven

MorebooksbyScarlett

NewHopeAcademySeries:

Luck

(Episode1)

Fate

(Episode2)

Fame

(Episode3)

Wish

(Episode4)

BaysideAcademySeries:

Gracie

(Book1)

UNTITLED

(Book2—comingApril21,2017!)

TheSpyChronicles:

FindingMe

(Book1)

KeepingMe

(Book2—comingJuly27,2017!)

EastRavenAcademySeries:

EverAfter(Book1)

NeverEver

(Book2—comingOctober13,2017!)

Findmeonline.

Blog:

https://scarletthaven.wordpress.com

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/Scarlett_Haven

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorScarlettHaven/

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/authorscarletthaven/

Newsletter:

http://wordpress.us13.list-manage.com/subscribe?

u=2b073ef1d3dd1a8003e58a389&id=8393d2923e

Acknowledgments.

HowdoIevenputintowordshowmuchGodhasdoneforme?It’snotpossible.HewrappedHimself

infleshanddiedforme.It’samazing,thatevenwhenIsin,Godisthere,waitingformetocomebackto
Him.So,forthatreasonandmanymore,GodwillALWAYSbefirstinmyacknowledgmentsection.

Myhusband,whoputsupwithmesometimesignoringhimforfictionalcharacters;thankyou.Ilove

youmorethanwordscanexpress.Iknowthatwithoutyou,writingbookswouldstilljustbeadream
insteadofareality.Thankyouforpushingme.

MomandDad,foralwayssupportingmeandmydreams.Beinganauthorisbetterthanbeingarock

star,right?;)Thanksforlettingmeplaymyguitarloud,andforlisteningtoallthesongsIwroteasa
teenager.

Myfriend,Ash,whohassupportedmewhileIwrotethisbook.I’llneverforgetyoursupport.You’re

suchastrongperson!TheearthquakesinNewZealandjustprovedthat.Now,writeyourbook!BecauseI
believeinyou!

Toeverybodywhoisreadingthisbook...thankyou.IhopeyouenjoyreadingitasmuchasIenjoyed

writingit.

Andlastly,toalltheNaNoWriMo2016participants,youguysrock!Evenifyoudidn’tfinishyour

novelinNovember,that’sokay!Justkeepwriting!!!NEVERGIVEUP!

<3ScarlettHaven

Document Outline

Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Friday, August 18
Saturday, August 19
Sunday, August 20
Monday, August 21
Tuesday, August 23
Wednesday, August 24
Thursday, August 24
Friday, August 25
Saturday, August 26
Sunday, August 27
Monday, August 28
Tuesday, August 29
Wednesday, August 30
Thursday, August 31
Friday, September 1
Saturday, September 2
Sunday, September 3
Monday, September 4
Tuesday, September 5
Wednesday, September 6
Author's Note
More Books by Scarlett
Find Me Online
Acknowledgments

Wyszukiwarka

Podobne podstrony:
Elizabeth Lapthorne Torridtarot 01 Kinkily Ever After
Kathryn Perez Therapy Ever After PL 1 5
Nora Roberts Ever After
Ever After by Nora Roberts
kolorowanka Rebels logo, rebelianci szkoły Ever After High , do druku
kolorowanka Royals logo, Królewski ze szkoły Ever After High , do druku
Jackie Barbosa Wickedly Ever After
Scarlet Hyacinth Deadly Mates 05 Moonlights Haven Waves of Blood
Scarlet Hyacinth The S E X Factor 02 The Wolf and the Raven
Islam in East Europe
Open Access and Academic Journal Quality
Maternal Bone Lead Contribution to Blood Lead during and after Pregnancy
HVAC%20Academy
Academic Word List
Functional improvements desired by patients before and in the first year after total hip arthroplast
Chronic Pain Syndromes After Ischemic Stroke PRoFESS Trial
Maps Of The World Middle East
M11b Ogres East

więcej podobnych podstron

Ever After East Raven Academy Scarlett Haven

Document Outline