Reading body language
Doesn't matter whether she is interested in you, you'll make her interested
eventually anyway:) But look for these signs to show you whether you're
already making progress:) It's also fun to look for these signs as a by-
stander, either in everyday situations or for example in a bar - when the guy
earnestly believes he is being sooo smooth but the woman he is talking to
isn't displaying any of the signs presented below, you can't help but have a
chuckle about it:)
Her lips:
•
Big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing with a relaxed face.
•
Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching
of her front teeth.
•
She wets her lips, some women use only a single-lip lick, wetting the
upper or lower lip, while others run the tongue around the entire lip
area.
•
She puts her fingernail between her teeth.
•
She protrudes her lips and thrust her breasts forward.
Her eyes:
•
She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
•
She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds, this
is often combined with a smile and some eye contact.
•
She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
•
While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her
eyelashes.
•
Eyebrows raised and then lowered, then a smile indicates interest in
you.
Her hair:
•
She pushes her fingers through her hair. This can be one hand
movement or more of a stroking motion.
•
She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.
•
She is throwing her hair back off her shoulders.
Her clothing:
•
If she is wearing clothes that show her nipples underneath and you
notice they are getting perky and erect.
•
The hem goes up to expose a little more leg.
•
She is fixing, patting or smoothing her outfit to make herself look
better.
While she is seated:
•
She moves in time to the music, with her eyes on you.
•
She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.
•
She is sitting with her legs open.
•
She sits with her legs crossed in a manner to reveal her thigh.
•
Her legs are rubbing against each other.
•
Her legs are rubbing against the leg of the table.
•
Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking
back and forth towards you.
Her hands:
•
She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.
•
While talking to you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while
holding out her other hand, palm up.
•
She rubs her wrists up and down.
•
She sits with one hand touching one of her breasts.
•
She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's
thinking about you and her relating in some way:)
•
She is fondling keys, sliding hands up and down a glass, playing with
toys or other things on the table.
•
She plays with her jewellery, especially with stroking and pulling
motions.
•
She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you (in
case you already haven't started kino yourself, dumbass:).
•
She is pretending to look at her watch as you pass her.
Her voice
•
She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.
•
She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.
•
She laughs in unison with you.
•
In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided
attention on you.
Micellaneous:
•
She mirrors your body language and body positions.
•
Her skin tone becomes red while being around you.
•
She blows smoke straight out from between her lips and toward you.
•
She leans over and speaks into her friend's ear, just like in junior high
school.
•
She is standing with her head cocked slightly at an angle, one foot
behind the other, hips slightly thrust forward.
•
At a party - every once in a while she seems to appear out of nowhere
in your vicinity and if you move to another spot, soon she appears out
of nowhere again, you catch her glancing in your general direction
(actually, glancing at YOU dummy!:), she bumps into you…
accidentally, touches you… accidentally etc:)
When talking to a girl, these are some of the more important signs to watch
for:
•
Can you keep conversation going with her?
•
Does she react well to kino?
•
Does she touch you?
•
Does she laugh?
Now I don't have to explain what the answer "yes" to these questions
means, do I:)
From "Sweep women off their feet...": "All these signs usually tell you that
the girl is captivated by your charms. But before you get there, chances are
that her body language changes as the discussion progresses. Make sure
that you watch her closely and as soon as you get a sign that should be an
indication that you are on the right track, keep going in that direction. If the
opposite happens, just change the subject and see what happens."
The really gorgeous and beautiful girls however very seldom get around to
displaying the signs of interest described above. They simply don't have to,
as they are used to getting some attention already long before that. With
such girls you have to be on a lookout for the initial and thus much more
subtle signs of interest. One example of this would be a gorgeous girl simply
looking at your face. Obviously people tend to look at what or whom they
like to look at. But whereas an average girl first just looks at your face and
then progresses into the more overt signs of interest described above,
looking at your face from time to time might be the only sign of interest
you'll ever get from the most beautiful of girls.
So if you think you're not getting any signs of interest from beautiful girls -
you are, but you just can't see them well enough yet.
Don Steele: "Here are signs of interest sent from across the room. Most are
applicable to both sexes. The sequence of the list approximates the
courtship sequence.
I'M INTERESTED
Sidelong glance(s)
Looks at you a few times
Holds your gaze briefly
Downcast eyes, then away
Posture changes to alert
Preens, adjusts hair, attire
DON'T BOTHER ME
Never sneaks a peek
Fleeting eye contact
Looks away quickly
Looks away, eyes level
Posture unchanged
Does no preening
Turns body toward you
Tilts head
Narrows eyes slightly
Smiles
Matches your posture
Eyes sparkle
Licks her lips
Thrusts breasts
Turns body away
Head remains vertical
Eyes remain normal
Neutral, polite face
Posture unchanged
Normal or dull eyes
Keeps mouth closed
Sags to de-emphasize breasts
In Summary. Frequency of eye contact, the more the better. Amount of
time she, or he, holds your gaze, the longer the better. How she breaks off
eye contact, down before away is great! Shine of the eyes, the brighter the
better. Direction of body, toward you, good, away, bad. Overall posture,
erect and alert are good. Tilt of head, vertical is bad, increased tilt is great.
Where the drink is held, high in front as a barrier, that's bad. Hand activity,
clenched, squeezing or pinching is bad, open, caressing or stroking is
great.
Most of us are slightly afraid as well as somewhat excited in settings
where social interaction is expected and required. So, most people do not
sit or stand in an open posture. But, during courtship, the more open the
other person's posture is, the more open that person is to you and your
advances. And, the more open you are, the more likely the other person is
to open up to you. First Conversation Signals. Men, pay attention to all the
ways she communicates during the first few minutes as you talk with her.
KEEP TALKING
Alert, energetic
Pupils dilated
Gradually opens posture
Lowers drink
Touches self gently
Caresses objects
Crosses and uncrosses legs
Flashes of palm
Crossed legs steady
Dangles shoe on toe
Hands never touch face
Touches you any reason
Feet firmly on floor
Loosens anything
Leans forward
Steady hands, feet
MOVE ON
Tense, restless
Normal or small pupils
Posture remains closed
Keeps drink high
Grips or pinches self
Squeezes, taps objects
Legs remain crossed
Back of hand gestures
Swings crossed legs
Keeps shoe on
Touches face
Never touches you
Feet on edges or toes
Tightens anything
Leans away
Tapping, drumming
In social settings, most of us start
out in a closed, defensive posture
because we're a bit apprehensive. A
closed posture feels safe. When the
person you are talking with shifts to
a more open posture, it signifies trust
and comfort. That person is, literally,
opening up to you and what you have
to offer.
It takes courage to open up to the
other person. If you go first, she, or
he, will usually follow your move from
closed to slightly more open. Open up
in, slow, gradual shifts of posture.
A variation of mirroring is discussed in the articles dealing with eliciting
values and using trance-words - that is verbal mirroring. But a better-known
variation of mirroring is physical mirroring. Actually, you've most probably
been doing it all your life without knowing it but once you know how to
harness the power of mirroring consciously - its like young Skywalker
recognizing and harnessing the power of the Force:).
Notice how people that seem to be engaged in an interesting conversation -
they are excited about what they themselves are saying, they are about to
say and what the other is saying, in other words, they have rapport - seem to
take the same poses, whether sitting or standing up. When sitting, either
side by side or on opposites sides of the table - one leans forward and then
the other leans forward as well, one leans backward and then the other leans
backward as well, they cross their hands in the same manner, tilt their heads
similarly, seem to be having similar side-activities (one playing with his
keychain, the other with her pen), etc etc. Are they directing their actions
consciously? No, all their energies and concentration is on the discussion,
everything else happens subconsciously. But actually, they don't even have
to be having a discussion, they may just both be thinking their own
thoughts… and still you can see mirroring going on - they make the same
movements almost the same time without seemingly without having any
perceivable interaction with the other person.
What is all this knowledge good for? Well, mirroring can be used as a tool for
building rapport. Being similar or having someone similar in your vicinity
creates a feeling of ease, comfort, being understood, protected (should there
appear a threat of any sort, there's two of you now:) etc. So you can use the
power of mirroring to create these feelings in the one you are mirroring,
she'll subconsciously link all those feelings to you (after all, you are the one
mirroring her:) and rapport is going to develop between you without you
having lifted a finger (unless she lifted a finger and you had to mirror her:).
How, whom and from where should I mirror? Whom - that's easy, the girl you
want of course:) How - assuming the same posture, doing the same
movements with your hands, in all respects using your body in a similar
fashion to hers. More aspects of mirroring are:
•
Following - doing the movements after she did them. Note that
although your mind screams, "This is stupid! I'm going to get caught!
She MUST see me doing the same movements! This is ridiculous!”
don't' listen to it, fight it, it is the voice of the Dark Side!:) Why?
Because they NEVER NOTICE it! Instead, they feel more comfortable
and relaxed in connection with you, and eventually (that's why you
even bothered, right?:) - more drawn to you.
•
Pacing - doing the movements the same time with her. Yes. Sounds
impossible? Well it isn't. Have you ever noticed how you sometimes
happened to do the same things at exactly the same time with another
person? Maybe yawn and then have a laugh about it:)? Because you
thought it was accidental? Well it wasn't, you had reached the second
stage of mirroring:) (Yawning is not a good example though; the last
thing you want is the girl yawning with you:). But there's nothing
magical or supernatural about doing the movements at the same time,
because essentially the second phase is a stage of transition between
the first and the third. In mirroring there's always a leader and a
follower. So far she has been leading you (because you've been
following her) but now you are coming to the stage when YOU will be
leading her! And the inevitable stage between following and leading is
pacing - you are doing movements simultaneously.
•
leading - if you've done your mirroring right, have followed and paced,
then you are ready for a revelation. You can lead! Try it. Cough. She
coughs. Scratch your elbow. Well maybe she'll scratch her shoulder
instead of her elbow, big deal:) In addition to being a tool of building
rapport, you can lead her into doing some pretty fun stuff. Do a
movement with your hands mimicking the parting of legs (this should
be associated with something you are talking about, if it looks strange,
she'll notice it and you don't want her conscious attention on your
movements, keep her mind busy with what you're talking about). Watch
her legs part:) Have fun:)
Another more advanced aspect, although controversial as to the
effectiveness of it, is mirroring her blinking her eyes and breathing. Being
able to mirror her breathing and blinking her eyes is supposed to create an
even deeper rapport, but first of all - trying to see when she breathes might
seem like you staring at her breasts (and you would NEVER do that, would
you?:); and secondly - all the concentration required to detect and match
your breathing and blinking with hers will take away much-needed attention
from what she is saying, how is she responding to your patterns, values, kino
etc, so eventually this could do more harm than good.
As to from where to mirror - the most common situation is when you're
talking to her. But you can also try mirroring from a distance, say in a
classroom, meeting, night-club or cafeteria, just make sure she has a chance
to subconsciously detect you mirroring her, in other words, she must be able
to see you (so you can forget about mirroring her while watching her take a
shower through a peep-hole:).
A technique of creating instant rapport by "faking" body-language. Tom, ASF:
"I just finished another book about body language, and they mention several
times that when someone is interested in a discussion, they tilt their head
slightly. I thought that now that I knew when someone was interested,
maybe I could do the same to "simulate" my deep interest in what they say.
And... it works! When someone's like "and you know, my dog just got a new
collar and it fits wondefully with the living room furniture; the shade of green
is just the same as the kid's bedroom carpet and that's great because..." -
usually you would be using a few words they said (dog, collar, etc) and using
the same adjectives (wonderful, great, etc) and ask something making them
continue. But when you tilt your head slightly and do the same thing, it's
obvious the impact is much stronger."
Maxim (http://maximmag.com):
“I love it when a guy sort of mirrors my physical behavior, like when I’m
sitting across from him and I lean in to say something, I like him to lean in. If
I’m talking really fast, and he can keep up with me, it makes me feel like
we’re in the same place. If I’m being a little frenetic and he’s slow and
relaxed and laid-back, I feel really far away.
—Carlie, 30, Salt Lake City”
Kinesthetics (aka kino) - have kino with your female friends/acquaintances
Psychological studies show that casual touching during a friendly
conversation causes people to remember the conversation more fondly after
the fact.
The combination of kino with social proof is dynamite. Touch one girl and
the other girls seeing this think its normal or even "good" to be touchy-feely
with you:). Now you can quite naturally move on to touching those other
girls and so forth:).
ASF: "It's quite simple - hug them, touch their hand sporadically and in A
NON THREATENING WAY, that is, not like the desperate pervert we all are:)
So the idea is, you hide completely the interest you might have AND at the
same time you act really touchy/huggish. The problem is - you have to start
this early in the "friend" relationship, it has to seem natural, or otherwise
she'll wonder "what the fuck is he doing lately?":) Once you've developed
that kind of flirtatious friendship, it's easy to spawn other such 'friendships'
with other women: they will see you being close to another woman, and I
think the key here is that, it probably does not trigger as much jealousy as it
makes them (the "new" ones) feel comfortable -- they see another woman
being touched by you in a non-threatening way, and, blam, social-proof, it
becomes a 'proof' to them that it's normal for you to touch them in turn... "
ASF: "Ok, I use this all the time now. TOUCH HER!!! It doesn't matter if you
just met her. Hold her hand, rub her arm, her elbow her back, her shoulders,
her hair, her face. TOUCH HER !!!"
ASF:
1. PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SHE RESPONDS TO YOU!!!
2. PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SHE RESPONDS TO YOU!!!
3. One more time: PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SHE RESPONDS TO YOU !!! If
you do this you will be able to better gauge if you have the appropriate
rapport to invite a kiss. If her body seems to respond to the non-sexual
touching then get gradually more sexual. For women some areas of the body
outside of the primary erogenous zones are intimate: Palms, inside the
elbow, ear lobes, cheeks, the hips were the waist meets the hips, between
the fingers....
4. Last thing: PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SHE RESPONDS TO YOU!!!
Do the things that lovers do - brush off "something" that's stuck in her hair,
gently stroke her cheek pretending to wipe off an eyelash etc. These are the
types of things lovers do and by doing them, you will make her feel (doesn't
even matter if only subconsciously) like you were her lover. Plus you'll get
"innocent" yet pleasurable kino :)
Kino as soon as you meet a girl. Meeting someone for the first time is an
excellent chance for starting kino - shaking hands when exchanging names
is a tradition of many cultures and cultures. But make sure you hold on to
her hand longer than expected, long enough for you to enjoy it and her to
notice, if not you enjoying it but at least you not letting go as quickly as
people usually do.
When meeting girls you already know, shaking hands might seem strange,
so giving some sort of a hug is the way to go. You don't need to fall all over
her to give her a hug (which depending on the situation might even make
you look like a fool or a pervert or make her embarrassed instead of having
her enjoy it too:), a hug can also be putting your arm around her waist or
shoulders when standing to her left or right and pulling her closer for a
moment, or taking her hand for a moment (but not shaking it), or her elbow,
or arm etc. Daniel, ASF: "KINO on the arm/hand as soon as you say hi to
show her you are a sexual being."
Set the mood of the date from the start. When going on a date/get-together,
establish the mood immediately. You can of course change the mood from
"polite and calm" to "warm and friendly" to "aroused and sweaty" during the
course of the meeting, but why go the hard way, if you can jump right into
"warm and friendly" or beyond in the first place. It is best to have acting
enthusiastic upon meeting the girl to have agreed upon previously (most
probably when you set up a meeting on the phone, see Refining the close in
Closing for more information). But even without that, you can be all smiles
when you meet her, give her a big hug right away, try to take and hold her
hand all the way to whereever it is that you'll be going and watch her
change from slightly nervous to happy, smiling, starry-eyed and glowing all
over:) And remember - enthusiasm is contageous:)
Foot-flirting. You've all seen it done in the movies:) The foot looses the shoe
and the woman is stroking the man with her bare foot or vice versa. Corny
you say:)? A cliche maybe:)? Try it and then see what you think:) am,
ASF
:
"[in response to "you can't
kino
sitting across the table"] Actually, you _can_
kino
when you are sitting across from the
target
. Just use your feet! Of
course this requires a small table, but this also helps to set up an intimate
atmoshpere (remember candles etc.). Touch her feet "occasionally" with
your own under the table, say something like "tee hee, you are foot-flirtin'
with me?" in a joking way. Look her deepely in the eyes while doing this,
and continue using your feet. Do it the right way and at the right time with a
chick in the right mood, and voila! You can actually proceed to rubbing each
other's crotches with your toes under the table, then say "my bed is that
way" and BANG! You're IN!"
"Can't hear you:)". LordGaeden,
ASF
: "Try this: If she says something, lean
forward as if you aren't hearing her very well, and touch her (arm or back).
Then lean back again and answer. Are there any easy clues as to when is
the right time to go
kino
? The clue is when it's possible (ie, she's within in
range)".
Kino
is the difference between getting and not getting the girl. It is the
saving grace of even the otherwise doomed "nice guy" approach. And in
some instances, being the "nice guy" together with using
kino
can even be
quite effective. Here's why: the success of
kino
depends on whether the girl
perceives you and your touch as a threat to her or not. You can be a rough
and tough guy (I try to avoid the word "jerk" as it is not really quite
reprsesentative of what the opposite of "nice guy" actually is) and still have
the girl feel you are not a threat to her speficically, thus initiating
kino
will
be easy. A nice guy usually just has an easier time having girls feel he is not
a threat to them. Usually though, that is also his undoing, as he is
consequently perceived as weak, neutral and non-sexual, all of which are
major turn-offs for girls. But here is where the saving grace of
kino
steps in.
You are safe, so touching and hugging with you is... well, also safe.
However, before she knows it - touching and hugging with you moves from
feeling pretty good to quite exciting to really electrifying until all that good,
safe and friendly physical contact with you is going to make her wonder: "If
it feels so good just to touch with him, why on earth not do more? I wonder
what that would be like?". Which is not to say that being the "nice guy" is
the way to go. This was simply meant to illustrate the strength of
kinesthetics - it even works for the "nice guy":) So remember -
kino
really is
the difference between getting and not getting the girl.
The protective gesture. Maxim (http://maximmag.com): “In a crowded bar, if
people are walking by and pushing you, there’s a way a guy can put his arm
around you—not actually touching you, but behind your back so he’s sort of
keeping you from getting shoved. A man doesn’t need to pick a fight with
some guy who accidentally steps on my toes, but it’s nice if he’s protective.
—Kris, 27, Los Angeles”
Where to meet girls
(Taken from "Sweep women off their feet...":)
Shopping Malls. Try to remember the last time you went to a mall. Can you
possibly look in a direction and not spot a beautiful girl that you would like
to seduce? I'd venture a guess and say no.
The malls are always full of girls. Girls who work at various stores and
shops within the mall, but also a lot of girls who go shopping or just hang
out. Girls love shopping. Though it is harder to seduce a girl if she is
surrounded by her friends, it is not always the case.
Walk up and down the halls and look inside stores for beautiful clerks or
shoppers. If it is a women's clothing store or something feminine, even
better. You can easily walk up to a girl (clerk or shopper) and ask her:
"Excuse me. Would you be so kind to hold this up in front of you for a
moment? It's my sister's birthday next week and you are about the same
size as her and from what I can tell you have the same excellent fashion
sense."
Better yet, after the initial approach you can even ask her if she sees
anything else that she really likes in the store that your sister might like too
because of the similar tastes in fashion. Probe for keywords why she likes
certain things over the others etc.
Once you have sufficient information of not only what she likes but also why
she likes it you can start your charm. Expand the conversation to likes and
dislikes in other areas of her life to get her view on things and so on. If she's
a shopper you might want to act very quickly to finding ways for you to
continue your conversation somewhere else, but if she works there she
won't mind spending the time with you especially if it's not very busy.
Libraries. If there is one place that girls almost always outnumber guys, it
has to be the library. Whether it's a public library or a college/university
library, you will always find young girls trying to do research for a project or
homework.
These girls are usually very intelligent and dedicated to their work, but the
plain truth is the fact that everybody can use a break once in a while. If you
provide a bit of a pleasant distraction they'll be more than happy to talk to
you. You could be asking them for some help to locate a specific section or
specialty book. Even if they can't help you out they will at least have to tell
you that they don't know where you can find your book. But guess what?
That is a conversation taking place right there. Ask them about their own
work, interests, etc. Show interest, and let them talk about it for a while.
These girls like to show off their knowledge so they'll tell you more than you
need to know about the subject. But if you develop good rapport at this
stage you can easily continue this fascinating conversation elsewhere. Get
my drift? You can start asking why they're interested in this particular
subject, what's the most fascinating thing about it, what are the challenges
and so on. Once you move to answering this type of questions then you will
be able to get an insight as to what type of girl she is, what she holds dear
and so on.
Gourmet Coffee Shops. Before work, at lunch and after work these places
are packed with girls. Sometimes the more packed the place, the better
because you may have to share a table with "someone". If it's not very busy
you can still ask to sit next to a beautiful girl. Just tell her that you don't
like to sit alone and if she'd mind you sitting with her till you're done with
your drink.
If you're sitting together might as well talk about something. And remember
this is a gourmet coffee shop. These girls don't come here for the coffee,
they come here for the specialty coffee, and they come for the frills and
sometimes even the prestige associated with a particular specialty coffee
shop.
So what do you talk about?
Her favorite drink and why she likes it over regular coffee, how does it make
her feel and so on. Try and talk in detail about the different sensations and
aromas. Women love descriptive talk in detail especially if it involves
something that can even be compared to a sexual sensation.
The whipped cream, the cherry on top, how the blend of the coffee with the
different liqueurs reminds you of a hot and steamy Latin love dance
stimulating your taste buds beyond comparison etc. I guess while you are at
the library you can pick up some books on gourmet foods and specialty
drinks to learn the language fine critics use to describe them. Believe me,
talking like that can make a girl melt even though you're only talking about
a specialty coffee, because you end up planting all these wonderful images
in her mind by using metaphors.
Workplace or School/College. This is a more relaxed atmosphere for
seducing women because you are not under time constraints. If you can't
get her hotter than hot for you today, you can talk to her again tomorrow.
You'll have much better opportunities to get to know her. In addition, if you
work or study closely together for an extended period of time chances are
that you will become attracted to each other anyway.
Personals. [A word of warning about personals - they will never get you the
experience of actually approaching and getting the attention of the woman
you want because a meeting arranged through personals simply skips this
important phase. So although meeting women this way might feel easier
initially, ultimately you will never learn the skills that really make the
difference]
Is this too low for you? Is it beneath you? Hell no. Whether it's newspaper
personals, telephone personals, video personals or Internet personals and
chat rooms, they offer you excellent opportunities to meet a lot of women to
practice your skills.
With the exception of video personals the drawback is the fact that you
don't really know what the person looks like. But that's not a problem. It
shouldn't be your goal to meet someone to seduce right away. This is
nothing but an avenue for you to get practice and experience talking to
women. But if things click for you why not go for it anyway? If she turns out
to be butt ugly just tell her that as shallow as this seems, without the
physical attraction things aren't going to go anywhere between you two and
move on.
Now when placing these personals you can attract a whole lot of women
with some catchy headline and be bothered with a lot of replies that get you
nowhere wasting your time. Or you can be very specific and discriminating
about who you are what you look like and what you're looking for. Feel free
to include any characteristics they may find unappealing. This will eliminate
a lot of women who might otherwise reply but the ones who do reply are
more likely to end up somewhere because they already know what to
expect from you and are willing to accept it.
Better yet, read a lot of the women's personals and try to model yours after
them.
As an added dirty trick, you can place a personal as a woman seeking a man
to get a lot of good ideas from other men who reply to it. Most of them will
be really bad but once in a while there will be one that will catch your eye
and curiosity. When you reply to a woman's personal ad try out these other
ideas to see if they work. If they work, you learned something new. If they
don't work, move on.
An example of a personals ad.
ASF
:
"Isn't attraction incredible? Imagine relaxing into strong arms holding you,
feeling safe and appreciated and intimate, knowing you're exactly where
you belong... I'm educated, successful, emotionally mature, and I know what
I want. My work keeps me busy, but I make time for travel, dining out, music
(very diverse tastes), and anything new and interesting. I'm tall, in great
shape, with green eyes and dark wavy hair (picture available). Looking to
meet a woman who's smart, honest, and loves to laugh. Now tell me all
about you..."
A few more US-specific places and times to meet women. Speed Seduction
newsletter, Ross Jeffries:
Restaurants with attached bars: These places are often great Tuesday to
Thursday nights, around 6 - 8:30 PM. Especially upscale places, they cater
to a professional crowd. Some VERY nice looking women looking to unwind
after work. Also often these places serve as a meeting ground for women
having bacheleorette parties.
Coffee houses: like Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Tea Leaf etc. Great from 8 -
10:30 AM every day of the week. After 9 AM you are more likely to get
women who work in retail, outside sales like pharmaceutical reps, self-
employed, students etc.
Supermarkets: M - F noon to around 1:30 PM as women on their lunch hours
pop into buy things. Monday to Thursday 6 - 8:30 PM, Saturdays 10 AM to
noon, same for Sundays.
Shopping malls: This is a no brainer. If they have a good food court and are
near offices, then noon til 1:30 PM, M - F. Hit the food courts and forget most
of the rest of the stores. Other good times: Tues - Thurs 6:30 - 8 PM and Sat
afternoons.
Self-improvement seminars: Such seminars are LOADED to the gunwales
with good-looking, SUGGESTIBLE women who are totally open to the type of
themes discussed in any good Speed Seduction pattern. Same with most of
the self-help gurus. Christ, ya don't even have to sign up. Just find out
where they are being held, hang out in the lobby of the hotel and swoop in
on the
HB
's during the coffee, pea and dinner breaks.
Gyms: The women are in awesome shape and usually quite adventurous.
Yoga Classes: Unbelievable amounts of hard-bodied, wildy well-shaped
women. Take a beginners class if you've never done it before and you'll met
lots of women, who are also VERY suggestible and open to "new ways" of
thinking.
Johnny Shack (http://showgirls.com.au):
Sporting clubs and associations: "These areas are very good for meeting
single women. You find out easily which women are single and you can talk
with them easily because you have a similar interest. What could be easier?
There is immediate conversation to talk about and its enough to get to
know each other enough to work out: "Am I attracted to this person or not?"
Now the footy club [Australian football?] is maybe not the best place for
hunting women but a netball club that has mixed competitions definitely is.
Gymnasiums are good to. Women at gyms will talk to any guy that talks to
them. Everything is on your side in these places because the woman knows
you are in the same club and therefore will not automatically be rude to you.
Also it gives them a harmless excuse to talk with you without people
thinking any sleaziness is going on. They may be waiting for you to say
something."
See also:
Night-clubs vs other places to meet girls
Demonstrate value and personality
You have nothing, absolutely nothing to expect from a girl to whom you do
not demonstrate value and personality. Be it being
Mr Smooth
or making her
horny with
GM
or leading her imagination with patterning or simply being
you in a great mood, confident and witty which she finds attractive - you
have to demonstrate her something about you that she discovers to be of
value for her. And she will discover it being of value for her for the simple
reason of liking the way that value makes her feel.
So many guys think, that their mere presence and company is of some
specific value to the girl - well it is not. If you sport a great face and/or big
muscles, then your presence can sometimes be a turn-on for a girl - she
likes the way the proximity of your face and muscles make her feel and thus
your presence can be of separate value for her. But even the few times that
happens, it will wear off fast if it turns out that that is all you have to offer.
Any time the girl is bored, disinterested, turns you down, walks away,
rejects you or ignores you - you have simply not demonstrated enough value
to her. Demonstrating the right kind of value and personality, the kind that
she is especially looking for in a partner is not an issue at this point, you'll
get to that when
Eliciting values
. Right now you simply need to get her
attention by taking an educated guess at what she might be interested in -
see
Good traits to have and develop
. Demonstrating any kind of value and
personality from that list of traits will do perfectly fine for starters, and is
infinitely better than the "Here I am, this is the way I look (and I'm sorry I'm
not better-looking), now please like me" attitude used by most guys (who
are also "trying" to be funny and confident etc, but eventually their
AFC
'ness will inevitably shine through:). Which will leave them scratching
their heads while the girl walks away and thinking "oh, better luck next
time, I'm sure someone somewhere will like me... I hope".
In fact, you are like a travelling salesman, giving girls only a foretaste of the
goods and offering them an opportunity to get the real stuff... "if they
behave well enough":) See the difference with
AFC
thinking? Which seems
to consider that the girls are the "goods" which you might eventually get if
you date, pay for dinners/movies and take their disrespect long enough? No,
YOU are the goods, but you're not selling to everyone - you offer only to a
select group of potential customers. But you don't need to push it, the stuff
is for real and you know it, and if one customer doesn't want it, its her loss,
another one will grab you gladly:)
Just don't forget - nobody will want your goods if they don't even know
anything about it. So sample it - by demonstrating value and personality.
Talking to her = echoing her
Girls want to be understood. In order for her to feel understood, you need to
listen to what she says, rephrase it and feed it back to her (it helps if you
agree with whatever statement she made:). Listen to what she says,
remember it and you can make her feel connected to you and understood by
you even weeks after your conversation by just simply repeating what she
told to you during your conversation:) So make sure a lot of your
communication to her is a subtle echo of what she feeds you. Now this
strategy is already quite effective on its own but combine it with using
trance-words and she's gonna levitate right in front of your eyes:)
ASF
: "You need to do more than just agree with her...going uh uh won't cut
it. However you also can't just repeat what she said verbatim. You have to
take something she's said and paraphrase it and present it as an original
thought or opinion."
Demonstrate value and personality
You have nothing, absolutely nothing to expect from a girl to whom you do
not demonstrate value and personality. Be it being
Mr Smooth
or making her
horny with
GM
or leading her imagination with patterning or simply being
you in a great mood, confident and witty which she finds attractive - you
have to demonstrate her something about you that she discovers to be of
value for her. And she will discover it being of value for her for the simple
reason of liking the way that value makes her feel.
So many guys think, that their mere presence and company is of some
specific value to the girl - well it is not. If you sport a great face and/or big
muscles, then your presence can sometimes be a turn-on for a girl - she
likes the way the proximity of your face and muscles make her feel and thus
your presence can be of separate value for her. But even the few times that
happens, it will wear off fast if it turns out that that is all you have to offer.
Any time the girl is bored, disinterested, turns you down, walks away,
rejects you or ignores you - you have simply not demonstrated enough value
to her. Demonstrating the right kind of value and personality, the kind that
she is especially looking for in a partner is not an issue at this point, you'll
get to that when
Eliciting values
. Right now you simply need to get her
attention by taking an educated guess at what she might be interested in -
see
Good traits to have and develop
. Demonstrating any kind of value and
personality from that list of traits will do perfectly fine for starters, and is
infinitely better than the "Here I am, this is the way I look (and I'm sorry I'm
not better-looking), now please like me" attitude used by most guys (who
are also "trying" to be funny and confident etc, but eventually their
AFC
'ness will inevitably shine through:). Which will leave them scratching
their heads while the girl walks away and thinking "oh, better luck next
time, I'm sure someone somewhere will like me... I hope".
In fact, you are like a travelling salesman, giving girls only a foretaste of the
goods and offering them an opportunity to get the real stuff... "if they
behave well enough":) See the difference with
AFC
thinking? Which seems
to consider that the girls are the "goods" which you might eventually get if
you date, pay for dinners/movies and take their disrespect long enough? No,
YOU are the goods, but you're not selling to everyone - you offer only to a
select group of potential customers. But you don't need to push it, the stuff
is for real and you know it, and if one customer doesn't want it, its her loss,
another one will grab you gladly:)
Just don't forget - nobody will want your goods if they don't even know
anything about it. So sample it - by demonstrating value and personality.
Pace and lead
An example of verbal pacing and demonstrating understanding to increase
rapport (see "Mirroring" for an explanation and examples of physical
pacing). Speed Seduction newsletter, Ross Jeffries:
"VERBALLY PACE THE ONGOING SITUATION - I cannot emphasize enough
the power of this VERY important rule. Basically, what it means is to
verbally describe and therefore ACKNOWLEDGE the situation and reality
that she finds herself in with you.
An example:
Let's say you're a lucky s.o.b., and, like me, you live right by a jog or bike
path. Women are constantly skating, blading, running or biking right by you.
And let's say further, that, you, like me, are a lazy son of a bitch and have no
intention of moving your own fat ass via bike, blades, running etc. What do
you have to do in order to meet and talk to these women? Well, Buckwheat,
what ya first and foremost gotta do is... Ya Gotta Get 'Em To Stop!
With that in mind, I have actually USED the following approach and
ACTUALLY gotten it to work! I merely wait for a nice looking young lady to
come jogging, blading or biking toward my stationary position along the
path. I then jump out, hold out a hand and in my most authoratative tone
yell: STOP! (This is actually pretty funny to watch. I have never had them
NOT stop!)
I then say something like, "If you're that easily stopped... you need a
boyfriend who will MOTIVATE you! My name is Ross".
In the example above, where I've just jumped in her path and yelled "STOP",
what do you think this girl is thinking? It's a safe bet it is something along
the lines of "this guy is fuckin' nuts"! So I better USE that instead of ignoring
it.
I say something along these lines, "Look, I know this is a totally nutty way
to meet someone (pacing her ongoing belief)... but I knew if I didn't do
SOMETHING to stop you, we'd never get a chance to talk (also completely
true... a truism with which she cannot argue) and maybe see how much WE
COULD REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER (embedded suggestion)".
The principle here is VERY important. And that is... BY DEMONSTRATING
UNDERSTANDING, YOU INCREASE RAPPORT!
Now, let me make something critically clear: I did NOT say demonstrate
that YOU are "understanding, sensitive" etc. I said demonstrate
"understanding"... of her ongoing reality and situation. Not in the sense of
apologizing or excusing but simply that you are alert and AWARE of who she
is and what she is experiencing.
From here, what I will do is say, "Look...I don't have a lot of time here (a bit
of a "takeaway" which always makes you more appealing). And it's obvious
that you are on the move too. But if you'll sit with me for 5 minutes, I'll
analyze your handwriting. You'll get to learn secrets about yourself your
best friends don't know and I'll get to find out if YOU are the kind of person I
want to know better (here I'm structuring an opportunity and offering her a
challenge)."
See also:
Mirroring
Buying her a drink
I'll make it short: don't buy her a drink. Don't offer to buy her a drink neither
agree to her demands ("I'm thirsty..", "Will you buy me a drink?" etc). Here's
why - if you do, you supplicate. And women have nothing but scorn and
disrespect for supplicating men. Let me give a few examples to illustrate
this.
Her (thinking "Let's see if I can hook this sucker:)"): "Will you buy me a
drink?"
You (thinking "Oh boy am I in luck, this woman must like me, she's asking
me to buy her a drink:)"): "Sure!"
Her (thinking "Ha! Another supplicating male to buy me a drink just because
I asked him. What a wimp. Do they really all think I'm gonna go in bed with
them for a bottle of beer? Jeez… I'll take my drink and continue searching
for a REAL MAN."): "Thanks! You're so sweet! Bye now!:)"
You (confused): "Hey… wait! Um…?"
So even if she stays for say five or ten minutes and has a nice little chit-
chat with you - you started with a crash and burn, you've already been
crossed out in her book of prospective partners because you SUPPLICATED!
Offering to buy her a drink is even worse. You are voluntarily becoming a
supplicator. The women will either refuse the drink (they want nothing to do
with a wimp like you), accept the drink and then ignore you (they still want
nothing to do with a wimp like you, but they wanted the drink) or - the more
sensitive women will accept the drink and even stay with you but all the
while feeling uncomfortable about it ("I accepted the drink, so I guess I
should stay for a while, it would be rude to leave. But he must be thinking
now, that if I accepted the drink and am staying with him, then there's some
more in this for him. But there isn't! He's a supplicator! I don't want him! I'll
have got to try to make my exit the moment the situation presents itself!").
And if she feels uncomfortable about being with you, do you think you stand
a chance with her? Of course, you can turn the situation around for you if
you're REALLY GOOD - but why make life harder for yourself?
So what to actually do if she gives you a "Will you buy me a drink?". If she
seems to be actually interested in you - you have been having a
conversation for a while and she uses the "buy me a drink" to test you ("So
does this guy like me enough to buy me a drink?") or she is approaching you
with the intention getting to know to you and just happens to use the most
popular
AFC
-line ("Can I buy you a drink?") reversed ("Will you buy me a
drink?") to initiate a conversation - then explain to her, that it is not your
principle to buy drinks to women, but she could buy YOU a drink:) An
example:
Her: "Will you buy me drink?"
You: "No. But you can buy me a drink:)"
Her (thinking "Argh… Gmph… He didn't supplicate! Could this be… a real
man!? What's this, I'm getting wet!?"): "Am… um… Yes!"
If however she seems to be cruising, fishing for drinks and doesn't seem to
care the least bit about you, telling her "No" would mean she'd just move on
without listening to you any further and getting her drink from some chump
eventually anyway. So you need to stop her cold in her tracks:) Here's an
example from
ASF
:
Her: "Will you buy me a drink?"
You: "Give me a French kiss."
NOTE that the tongue play must be an explicit part of the bargain up front.
None of this peck on the lips BULLSHIT, because you are still supplicating if
you settle for that. Here's the beautiful part: If she says no, now SHE is the
person who said "no" in the situation, instead of you! You don't have to be
the "jerk" for turning her down. If she says yes, tongue-action and
kino
right
away. Then get her a drink as a reward:) Note that she will probably demure
before caving in, this is your chance to show personality and be playful. Go
GM
and
Mr. Smooth
on her right away!
"You aren't uptight are you? Don't you go out to have fun? We're having
fun!:)"
"You like cool guys don't you? :)"
"It's not hot sex or anything...just a little kiss!:)"
Pacing the ongoing reality
A good tool to use for instant rapport, especially when approaching (as you
need to overcome her possible cautiousness about you and do it fast) is
pacing the ongoing reality. What this means, is describing both the very
recent (for example her having been idle and you having approached her),
ongoing (you talking to her and her being pleasantly surprised) and near
future events (her feeling good about getting to know a handsome stranger
like you) in a pleasant, humorous and believeable manner. Here's a modified
example originated by Clifford in Clifford's Seductin newsletter. It starts out
with some basic approaching elements (pardoning, complimenting her,
offering your name), which are sometimes frowned upon by more
experienced
PUA
-s (see "Complimenting her", "Neghits" and "Should I offer
my name?" for more information on why), but the ensuing pacing of ongoing
reality creates an overall pleasant atmosphere of honesty, simplicity and
sincerity, which is often almost impossible to resist:) The modified example
pacing by Clifford, Clifford's Seduction newsletter:
"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt you [drinking coffee / reading the
newspaper / waiting for the commuter / your train of thought], but I just
wanted to tell you that I find you very attractive and wanted to meet you. My
name is Rick, what's yours?" [Here comes the pacing] "You know, you never
know when something wonderful is about to happen, like you could find
yourself [in the cafe / in the waiting-hall / sitting on the bench / whereever]
just thinking about [eating another donut / what time the commuter arrives /
whatever she's doing or expecting to happen], and the next thing you know
an attractive stranger is talking to you, and as you listen to him you may
notice that even though [you've never seen him before / you've seen him
before at this bus-stop / you've met him before here in this library],
somehow today, because he is talking to you, you may see him in a new and
different way. Can you imagine that?"
Now what you did here, is you told her something that she invariably had to
agree with - yes, she was where you said she was, doing what you told her
she was doing, thinking in the lines of what you hinted she was, yes, yes
and yes. And all of these things were quite simple for you to say - all you
had to do was to describe the scenery:) But in her mind it doesn't matter -
she finds herself agreeing to what you're saying, over and over again. And
its not some unimportant who-cares and so-what stuff like "the sun is
shining... and the buildings are tall... and people are walking by" either, its
actually something quite important as it is about what _she_ was doing and
what _she_ was thinking about. So while she is listening to you and she
finds herself agreeing with you on some fairly important matters, the
agreeance she has in her mind creates a feeling of enthusiasm and being
close to you, and in effect - instant rapport.
Having had to agree with so many things, the few things that she probably
wouldn't agree with on their own, seem also much more acceptable as a
consequence. So maybe she wasn't pleasantly surprised when you
approached her, or maybe she wouldn't describe you as particularly
handsome - but now that you've showered her with so many truisms to
begin with, the ones that wouldn't ring so true by themselves seem much
more true amongst all the other truisms. Thus for example you telling her
she was pleasantly surprised when she thought she wasn't, will have her re-
evaluate the nature of her surprise as a consequence of all the other
truisms that surround it. Don't overload her mind with things that she
probably wouldn't agree with though - keep a fine balance, push things in
your pacing just a bit above the actual and towards the more positive, for if
you go overboard, she will stop agreeing with you... and bye-bye instant
rapport.
Clifford continues: "Now listen for her response - one thing that may happen
here and which has happened to me many times is that she may be one of
those women who starts talking a lot and you won't be able to get much of
what you are thinking of saying out. This is a great sign. Usually I just smile
knowingly and let them talk their little hearts out. As soon as the topic of
sex comes up, you know you've got her. Just lay back, be friendly, don't say
too much, and she will talk herself right into your bed. You may need to
invite her for a coffee or a drink at the right time (I have found a lot of the
talkers will extend an invitation to you themselves and you just have to
watch for it)."
Even during the remote possibility, that she doesn't display immediate
interest, you still have plenty of options to evoke it - eliciting values,
conversing on general patterning themes or even outright patterning,
displaying the general attractive traits of humour and confidence plus
anything you came to know she wants in a man via eliciting values etc etc.
However, even if you need a follow-up technique to continue with, thanks to
your initial pacing of the ongoing reality you're well on your way to getting
her to like you. And from there on to... well, whatever your
Should I ask for her name?
Forget it. It might seem like an innocent and easy way of "getting to know
each other" - "My name's …, what's yours?". But as everyone and their mom
is doing that, it is just plain lame. If she's not interested in you, she'll forget
your name in an instant. And if she is, believe me, she's gonna ask for it:)
And this way it even becomes a little test of "am-I-getting-anywhere-with-
this-girl?":) If during the conversation she suddenly discovers to her
amazement that "goosh, I don't even know this guy's name?!" and asks for
it… you're well on your way:)
Asking for her name is propagated by some on the pretence, that this way
you'll get to be "formally introduced". And what is that supposed to mean?
Now that she knows your name, she'll be burning hot for you? Hardly.
Rather, you get to be formally categorised as a chump, or maybe a "friend"
if you're lucky (believe me, you're not if that is what happens:)
One more argument against asking for names - you ask for her name and
then, oh goosh, you forget it! She expects you to know it but you don't. And
"What's you're name again?" is not even a
neg
- where's the compliment in
that? You could of course go "Well, I know you had a very beautiful name…
but what was it exactly?" - use this one to
neg
her if you asked for her name
and forgot it. But better just forget trying to juggle with names and let her
ask yours first. And see, if she remembers:)
In conclusion - names are fine as long as she initiates the exchange. Until
then - remain a man of mystery:)
The questions game
I bet you always have a lot of "interesting" questions you'd like to ask a lady
when you first meet her. Like: "What was your first kiss like?", "When did
you have sex for the first time?", "How did you have your first orgasm?",
"What makes you horny?", "Have you ever been caught masturbating?" etc,
you get the idea (see "Eliciting values - the questions" for a list of some
slightly more normal questions to ask). But you can't just go ahead and ask
them - you'll come off as a complete insensitive jerk if you do. And unless
you are proficient in the art of directing the flow of the conversation in the
direction of your preference (see "Eliciting values - introducing the
questions"), these issues won't usually come up in an ordinary conversation.
Thus you have no way of asking them without sounding weird... almost:)
Because however is a little but ingenious way of asking them nevertheless -
just start playing the Questions game with her:)
Originated by Mystery, provided by Craig, Clifford's Seduction newsletter:
You: "Let's play the question game."
Her: "What's the question game?"
You: "Well, it's like Truth or Dare but without the Dare, because I don't know
how weird you are yet! The questions have to be good ones, no "where do
you work" bullshit, ok? You go first!"
Her: "I can't think of anything!"
You: "Ok, how many boyfriends have you had?"
From there the questions will get deeper and more sexual as the game goes
along. Then after you have been playing for a few minutes, when it's your
turn you can say
You: "I have a good question for you... Would you like to kiss me?"
Her: "I don't know"
You: "Let's find out!"
*kiss*
You: "I thought so!"
Don't go overboard with the sexual questions though. Asking even one of
the above questions might do just fine, especially if she responds positively,
which is your cue that she would also be ready for the final question:)
See also:
Eliciting values - introducing the questions
Eliciting values - the questions
Eliciting values - the questions
Here's a sample list of questions to use to elicit her values and trance
words. NYC,
ASF
:
•
What she wants?
•
What she likes?
•
What she thinks she needs?
•
What she thinks she deserves?
•
What she had in the past that she wants to repeat?
•
What she had in the past that she wants to avoid?
•
What scares her?
•
What makes her happy?
•
What makes her feel sexy?
Ask the right questions, don't try to push her towards some specific state
(like excitement for example), it might mean nothing to her.
ASF
: "Realise
that "do you value excitement in your life?" is a useless question compared
to "what do you value?"
Here are some additional questions you can ask, that might be a little less
value-eliciting oriented, but helpful nevertheless. They'll help you to get to
know to her and should also put her in an altered state by making her dig up
answers for these from deep within her consciousness and subconscious.
•
"What are the challenges in her line of work / what are the easy parts /
what she likes / what she doesn't like about her job?"
•
"What is the most unusual thing you've done when playing "truth or
dare"?" Hopefully she comes up with some sexual stuff:)
•
"How do your friends describe you?" Use this both for value-eliciting
and as prep info for palm-reading, after which you can say "Let me
see, whether you actually are like that as well" and transition to palm-
reading. See "Palm-reading" and "Palm-reading explained" for more
details.
•
"What do you think I am like?" You'll get useful feedback on how
you're doing and how she perceives you:)
•
"Your first childhood memory?" If its positive, anchor it, and even if its
just neutral, never mind that, in her mind she sees herself as opening
up to you when telling you about such stuff:)
•
"Your most pleasant / sweetest memory from school?" Hopefully has
something to do with a guy, anchor it:) If not, be more specific.
•
"Your first day at school?" Same as with "first childhood memory", but
don't use it before the "sweetest memory from school" - it would make
it too easy for her to answer "well, my first day at school was it" and
avoid any possible romantic memories:)
•
"In what period of your life where you most popular?" Have her
remember the "good times":)
•
"Do you remember the first time you fell seriously, completely and
helplessly in love:) How did it happen?"
•
"The happiest moment of your life?"
•
"What role would you like to play in some movie?"
•
"Achieving what goals in your life have brought you the most joy?"
•
"How well do you know yourself?"
If the answer to some question is not to your liking ("what scares you?"
"mice"), elaborate on what you meant with your questions. And if there's
anything you don't understand in her answer completely, specify and ask
additional questions. Don't THINK you understand, be SURE you understand
because that is the only way of:
1) making her feel completely understood by you
2) and completely understanding her - which is what you need in order to
know how to make her feel the way she wants to feel with that special man
of hers:)
Don't forget though, that you have to be able to introduce these questions
as a natural component and continuation of your conversation with the girl.
Simply asking them out of the blue will make it sound like you're
interrogating her or that you've prepared and rehearsed them beforehand
(insincerity!) and once that happens, you're through.
NYC,
ASF
: "You can tell when a chick is affected by
kino
OR talking/thinking
about something. The subjects that she doesn't react to and the
kino
that
she doesn't react to... don't bother with them. When you latch onto
something that really phases her in the direction you want her to go, take
her deeper into it by asking her more intricate questions about it that she
HAS TO meta-state into the situation to access. She will have to LIVE in
that moment again for a period of time. While she is in there you can make it
worse for her by introducing worse scenarios than the actual outcome, or
better by suggesting better outcomes or results from it.
So don't bother with the sections where they don't feel anything, but when
you see them become affected, get into it as far as they'll let you. If you
have done your connection and rapport, they will be GLAD to tell you that
stuff and glad that you are listening to them."
DC_GUY,
ASF
:
Me: Do you like living here in [whatever-the-place-is-called]?
Her: Ya, I guess.
Me: **Playfully** What do you like to do for fun? Do you have a lot of guys
chasing you?
Her: No, not really... I'm kind of picky.
Me: Really? I mean, I don't mean to sound strange or anything... but what
qualities do you look for in a guy?
***This is where you shut up and listen***
See also:
Eliciting values explained
How to have her leave the group
By NightShadow. Mindlist:
"I see a hottie talking to all of her friends and I want to meet her.
[The following description is useless in this context, but it was *so much
fun*, I just had to *leave it in*;)]
.
She is wearing a beautiful knee high skirt/dress, her lips are ever so caringly
outlined with just the right amount of lip stick to accentuate her slightly
pouty lips. An angels face with a bed devils grin. Nice round firm breast,
tight and shapely ass, legs that scream to be spread like butter with your
hot knife of pleasure.
Now, I bet half the guys on the list are going "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?", "She
is with friends, you don't know her and she is that hot!?!?".
I would just walk up to her and talk to her. These are the kind of women
that want attention. I casually, but politely walk up to her, usually from
behind (I like to wisper in her ear), lightly touch her arm and say "may I talk
to you for a minute?"
This is SO devious!!! It is the ultimate BREAK STATE, yet it is so
nonintrusive that she WANTS to come talk to you. Her imagination will race
and she will have no idea what you want to say to her. Even if she doesn't
come over there (I give them about 2 minutes, make sure you either have a
friend with you or friends near you so you can walk off easily) she will see
you later and just HAVE to say something to you.
This tactic works INCREDIBLY at bars, parties, clubs, parks, marriages,
seminars, church, gyms (you can go workout and not look like you are
waiting), work, EVERYWHERE!!!"
If she says "But I can't leave my friends"
Not specifically relevant to the strategy described above, but still relevant
to the general situation. If you're already alone with her in a public setting
that she arrived at with her friends and now when you're ready to move to
another venue ("Where are we going?" - "Club Myplace, you're gonna love
it":) she comes up with the "But what about my friends?" line, then here's a
suggestion by Johnny Shack (http://showgirls.com.au):
"In a situation like that, you will have to keep the momentum going and
cannot afford to break it because once you do you might find it very hard to
get things rolling again. In response to the "What will happen to my friends"
say somehting in the lines of "Don't worry about them. We haven't seen
them for ages, so looks like they're not exactly worrying about you either.
Besides, at this time of the night its every man for himself anyway:) Come
on, let's go:)" Now grab her hand again, lead her outside and jump into a
taxi:)"
Patterning explained
Disclaimer: Part of the contents/ideas appearing in this section of the
Player
Guide have been referenced or partially repurposed from Ross Jeffries'
Speed Seduction® Web Site
(free newsletters), courseware products, or
seminar recordings. If you find the materials in this section useful, you may
want to consider looking into Ross' products, available for purchase from
the
Official Speed Seduction® Web Site
.
Patterns form the core of Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction technique.
Patterns are scripts of describing various wonderful states of mind and
feelings to a girl, seemingly having nothing to do with you and her (for
example by describing the wonderful feelings and states that music,
dancing, eating strawberries and chocolate etc can create), but
subconsciously getting her aroused… by what you're saying and in effect by
you:) You can either link all those wonderful feelings you make her feel by
what you're saying by self-pointing at appropriate times (which is what Ross
Jeffries recommends), but the simple fact that you're there while she gets
all those feelings and that you are the originator of them should do the job
as well:).
Making her feel all those wonderful states not only means describing them
to her, it also means giving her commands embedded in what you're saying
to experience those states. Descriptions by themselves might not always
work, she might not be paying too much attention and wander off in her
thoughts, but once you've given her commands - "Feel it building... focus in
on those feelings... surrender completely..." - she might first even be
aroused by such commands by themselves, but she will definetly be much
more attentive towards the descriptions you are about to offer.
Patterns also contain subconscious messages known as binder commands.
For example, an excerpt from a pattern: "… that's the way to do it. Now,
with me, its different, because…" incorporates a binder command of "DO IT!
NOW! WITH ME!", which will bind all feelings and desires her arousal has
created to YOU.
Once you have her attention, one of the most powerful methods of making
her "feel" is using sexual metaphors. They sound innocent in the context of
what you're saying, but she is bound to pick up on them and once you have
her imagining all those phrases out of context… don't be surprised if she
says has to go to the bathroom for a moment and you notice her seat is all
wet:) A few examples of such phrases are: "Create an opening for it... feel
that thought penetrate you.... you come over and over again to the same
conclusion...". Now that you know what to look for, you'll find more phrases
in the example patterns presented in this guide.
One rather dubious aspect of patterns is the so-called weasel phrases. For
example the phrases "…these values are below me" pronounced "BLOW
ME!", "…a feeling of happiness" pronounced "hap-PENIS!", "…in you're mind"
pronounced "YOU'RE MINE!", "…thoughts flowing in a new direction"
pronounced "NUDE ERECTION!", "...the sky is so beautiful" pronounced
"THIS GUY IS SO BEAUTIFUL!" - these double-meaning pronunciations are
supposed to give her subconscious messages, but the effectiveness of such
attributes of patterning are slightly questionable though.
The main value of patterns remains in their ability to make a girl recall or
imagine absolutely wonderful feelings and states of mind, while
subconsciously linking them all to you.
The other important aspects of patterning are:
Anchoring
Trance words
Quoting and stacing realities
Time distortion
Thought binding
Presuppositions and other "mind-tricks"
Delivering patterns - general rules
Disclaimer: Part of the contents/ideas appearing in this section of the
Player
Guide have been referenced or partially repurposed from Ross Jeffries'
Speed Seduction® Web Site
(free newsletters), courseware products, or
seminar recordings. If you find the materials in this section useful, you may
want to consider looking into Ross' products, available for purchase from
the
Official Speed Seduction® Web Site
.
Being vague. It is important to be as vague as possible in your patterns. For
one thing, vagueness for a woman doesn't sound incoherent or obscure like
it does to the rational and matter-of-fact mind of a man. For a girl, vague
equals romantic, thrilling, mysterious and intriguing. For another thing,
being vague in your patterns lets her more easily link the feelings you
describe with her own experiences or dreams. The more vague, the better!
Doesn't patterning sound unnatural? (Ross Jeffries:) "When you learn how to
do Speed Seduction according to that, it ceases to be about mind-fucking
and ramming memorised patterns into a (hopefully:) co-operative subject,
and becomes a mutual exploration of how you think and how she thinks
about certain topics, that naturally would lend themselves to pattern type
talk even if you didn't know a thing about Speed Seduction! Using the
pattern language, therefore, in this context is utterly natural, incredibly
powerful, and allows you to actually learn something about the woman on a
very deep level while you are creating incredible connections, sexual
feelings, etc. etc."
Once more, the patterns here are only examples. Ross Jeffries: "The
patterns are examples, NOT rules. Many students think that unless they
present the patterns to women, word for word, that they won't work or get
results. THIS IS JUST 100% FALSE! The patterns are only examples... very
GOOD examples... of the kinds of communication that turn women on. But
they aren't meant to be rigidly or exclusively followed. Learn from them
HOW they work, and you'll be able to eventually create your own patterns."
The Stages of Learning Patterns as stated by Ross Jeffries:
"I would say students go through three stages of Speed Seduction Mastery.
•
Stage One: memorising and using memorised patterns, word for word.
•
Stage Two: learning to use themes that incorporate pieces of the
pattern language.
•
Stage Three: learning to use themes that have deep personal meaning
for the student as well as being intriguing to women and allowing the
student to use pieces of the pattern language."
Can I talk freely or will she interrupt me? Ross Jeffries: "There are two
classes of women who respond to patterns; those who want to be
overwhelmed, and those who want it to be their own experience. The
women in the first category will just sit and let you run patterns without
interrupting; the second category will interrupt by talking. That's ok...let
them talk... because they will give you their personal trance words which
you use back with them when you continue with the patterns! Girls in the
second category are actually more entertaining and fun!"
The time delay. Ross Jeffries: "Some women, for whatever reason, have a
"time delay" effect; the patterns might not appear to work, but an hour or 3
days or even 3 months later, out of the blue they want to bang you. This
"time delay" can be an x-factor that can make responses seem a bit more
unpredictable."
(Taken from "Sweep women off their feet...":) "If she's still not responsive
maybe she's never experienced such feelings in the past and is having a
hard time keeping up. Slow down and talk as though you are trying to
understand as well from the experience of your friend. It will be easier for
her to imagine all the feelings you are describing if there is no pressure for
her to readily understand them. Give her the time she needs to absorb
everything. And sometimes it takes a while before she'll absorb everything.
Believe me, that does happen.
For example, there was this girl I thought was unresponsive, yet a few days
after we had a deep conversation about love and feelings she came up to
me and acted as though she was truly in love, picking up that same
conversation after I almost forgot what we were talking about in the first
place."
Combine feelings with body sensations. Ross Jeffries: "As far as possible,
layer in body sensations along with your connection patterns! When you
combine body sensations along with emotional connections, either at the
same time or rapidly in sequence, the effect is practically irresistible and
the power isn't additive...it's exponential!"
Fear?? No. FUN!! Ross Jeffries: "If you want to be hilariously successful
with Speed Seduction, then you must realise that the patterns aren't about
begging. They aren't even really about tricking or misleading. No, sir, the
patterns are about being able to create such incredible states of pleasure
and fun and highs for her that no one else can, such that she really WANTS
to give you her sexual goodies. They're about creating states for her that no
one else can. Viewed like this, that incredible babe you want to bang isn't
someone you need to fear. She's someone who's about to receive an
incredible gift from you, a gift she might continue to receive IF she's smart
enough and hot enough and sexy enough to give you what it takes to keep
YOU coming back for more. You see, it sure makes a damn big difference
when you can look at a honey-pie and honestly think to yourself, "How good
can this woman stand to feel? Let's go have fun and find out!"
Speaking of fun, another big part of being in the right frame of mind to make
SS
work is refusing to take it seriously. By that, I mean you take the attitude
that you are experimenting, having fun, and if what you try doesn't work,
you've simply polished your skills and learned something new."
For more specifics about patterns (using visual, auditory or kinesthetic
language for girls with visual, auditory or kinesthetic imaginations
accordingly; running at least three different patterns in a row for maximum
effectiveness etc.) turn to
www.seduction.com
and see the newsletters.
Adapted from Ross Jeffries' public seminar tanscript.
The right attitude. Ross Jeffries: "You see, challenge is where the fun is. If
it's not easy, life is not meant to be easy, but life was meant to be fun. If
you're not going to have fun in the process, then what's the point. And also
this is a very sexy attitude. A guy who is not put off but is also not hungry,
and is having fun in the process of courtship, a woman is attracted to that.
A man who'll playfully court her without being pushy, a man who is
persistent, but at the same time is not pushy or needy but is playful about it.
[The attitude is:] "Eventually you're going to come around and see what a
great deal it is and in the mean time I'll play and have fun with you". That's
very sexy. You know, I'm telling you something, you can look like a freaking
pig and many of my students do and still it doesn't make any difference
because it's a very rare attitude. It's a very rare approach. You become one
man in a million."
See and observe her response. Ross Jeffries: "Ok, we'll talk about the skills.
Let's talk about the skills you need to make this work. The first skill you
need is the ability to observe and to see what response you are getting.
Shall I repeat that? The ability to observe and see what response that you're
getting. In order to do that, you have to be doing what? Louder, I can't hear
you. To do that you can't be in your head worrying is this working, oh, oh,
does she like me, what if I blow it, you have to turn all that crap off. Flip
that switch to off, pull the plug on that. You have to be totally focused on
what response you're getting. Step out of your own way and turn all that
crap off and just focus in on the response you're getting."
Be flexible yet persistent. Ross Jeffries: "Ok. Skill No. 2. The flexibility to
change to something else if you aren't getting the response you want. If you
try "have you ever", let's take that one. "Have you ever felt the sense of
incredible connection…?", yet then you get "no". Instead of giving up you
can go "Well have you ever felt really attracted to someone…?". Keep going
until you get that response. Do you understand. Keep going until you get the
response because eventually you will. Or step back and shift to something
else. Does this make sense? I know, stop a minute, close your eyes.
Everyone has some, when I say close your eyes, I want the lids down.
Anyone who's lids do not close will find their sexual future shrinking away,
rapidly, rapidly. Some of us don't have long to wait. I want you to think of
some situation where you have alot of flexibility where something gets
thrown in your path, you shift around and you keep going. I don't care what
context it is. And as you think of that thing I want you to raise your hand in
the air, raise your hand in the air, do it and make a fist, raise your arm all
the way up in the air, make a fist and as you bring that hand down I want
you to increase that feeling of utter flexibility and ferociousness that you go
for what you want and keep going. And do it again. Think of that thing again,
raise your hand in the air and as you do that, think to yourself, yes, don't say
it but think to yourself. And remember that feeling of being flexible and you
go to the next thing. Ok, one more time. And this time in your mind's eye, I
want you to see some woman that you would really like to seduce and see
her not responding the way you'd like to. As you put your hand down, notice
how you can increase that feeling, hey, I'm going to try something else and
keep going. Nothing is going to stop me. Do you get that? Alright. Open your
eyes and look at me."
Be patient and learn from trial and error. Ross Jeffries: "Ability No 3 is the
ability to be patient and learn from trial and error. I know you all admire me
and you're not worthy and all that other shit but guess what. I make
mistakes with this. But I don't want to think of making mistakes, I am
learning. I occasionally do things, guess what, they don't work the way I've
planned. Guess what? I get excited. Kent and Mark here had lunch with me
and the first thing I asked them was what have you done that doesn't work?
Tell me about what you've done where it didn't work. Did I not say that?
Because that's where I get excited. That tells me I'm about to step into a
new level of power. If something isn't working, congratulate yourself
because you're about to find out what does work. You're about to learn
something new. Without that mind set, you will be at best mediocre with
this material. With this mind set no matter what blocks you may start out
with, you will leave them behind quickly and go wherever you want to with
the material. But if nothing else, if all you do is really begin to live the
attitude that there are no failures, there's only learnings, you will be ahead
99% of the people in society."
Be able to move from one pattern to the next. Ross Jeffries: "Ability No. 4.
Ability to move from one pattern to the next. I will go over some transitional
phrases that will allow you to move from any pattern to any other pattern.
Even if, it makes it logically seem, it's nothing more fun to me than making
it seem like my ideas are logically connected when there's no logical
connection at all. I'm just connecting them so I can ram patterns in. Ok. And
there's certain phrases "now here's another thing". Or "here's something
else that is interesting". It doesn't have to be any logical connection to be
any ideas at all."
Delivering patterns - tonality
Disclaimer: Part of the contents/ideas appearing in this section of the
Player
Guide have been referenced or partially repurposed from Ross Jeffries'
Speed Seduction® Web Site
(free newsletters), courseware products, or
seminar recordings. If you find the materials in this section useful, you may
want to consider looking into Ross' products, available for purchase from
the
Official Speed Seduction® Web Site
.
The way you deliver the patterns determines the difference between making
her feel wonderful deep inside or you sounding like a phoney or a pathetic
clown reciting some weird-sounding monologue or script.
Presenting her with the text accomplishes you nothing, the words itself will
not make her feel anything. You have to be the text you deliver, you have to
feel it with her, be with her every step of the way… until the final eruption:)
(Yes, women have been reported to have orgasms simply by listening to
patterns being delivered the right way:). So memorising the patterns
presented in this guide does nothing for you, unless you really live out and
not simply recite every word to her.
The patterns that you can find on
www.seduction.com
or in this guide are
mere examples of what pattern-talk is like, they are not spells that make
magic things happen just because they are mumbled out loud. You can
certainly start by memorising some patterns, but you will start having real
success only when you'll be able to make up a pattern on the fly about
anything, that is exciting and close to heart for that one specific girl you are
talking to. It helps if you have a soft, low, mesmerising and a slightly
hypnotic voice, and if you don't… try to modulate your voice to become as
such while delivering your patterns:)
(
ASF
:) "Using a low, seductive voice may seem unnatural at first, but you
must practice. Try tape recording your own voice so you get an idea of how
you sound in general. Then tape yourself reciting a scripted pattern. You'll
hear how stilted and unnatural it sounds. Now tape yourself while
improvising that same pattern, but this time work on making how you say
the words sound soothing and, well, seductive. Don't worry about screwing
up the word order, just concentrate on HOW YOU SAY IT. Also - pause mid-
sentence to create a sense of anticipation and mystery."
Adapted from Ross Jeffries' public seminar tanscript no 1:
Ross: Some of you, your tonality, up until tonight sucked. It just sucks. You
need to practice. You've got to make a commitment to practice these skills.
How many people here walk? How many people here talk? How many
people here can stand up? How many people here are toilet trained? Keep
your hand down, Bruce. Just teasing, ok. Do you think those are all things
that you acquired immediately? Did you pop out of the womb being able to
do it? You had to practice. You must practice these skills on a consistent
basis. I don't know why I have to continue to hammer on this point before
you get it and incorporate it. So let's work on controlling tonality, let's put
your notes down. I dont want to see anyone writing or holding notes, anyone
with a pen in their hand will find their gentile is shrinking. And some of you
have no time to waste. How many of you know what the vowels are? What
are the vowels?
Audience: A,E,I,O,U
Ross: Wrong, here are the vowels. AAAA, EEEE, IIII, OOOO, UUUU. Those are
the vowels. So we're going to do an exercise. Put one hand on your chest so
you can feel the residence of your voice, take a deep breath, put your head
back and say with me. AAAA, EEEE, IIII, OOOO, UUUU. Welcome to the five
hour orgasm. Ok. When you speak to a woman, you should be speaking such
that your voice resinates. When you practice these patterns out loud, and
you must practice every pattern OUT LOUD. Not in your head. Out loud,
because you're speaking these out loud. So, we must learn to control our
tonality. Ok, let's try another exercise. Let's pick a neutral word like
watermelon. Ok. Let's all just say watermelon.
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Try it one more time
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Ok, now. I want you to remember a time when you were angry, really
pissed off and say watermelon as if you were expressing that angry feeling.
Ready?
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Again
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Alright, can you remember a time when you were curious? I want you
to say watermelon with a tonality of curiousity. Ready?
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Watermelon, and now seductive and sexy. Say watermelon. Let's start
with this row, ok guys. Let's hear you do your watermelon seductive and
sexy, are you ready?
Audience: Watermelon
Audience: Laughs
Ross: Do you see what I mean? Look, ok, let's hear you say the words,
seduce me, let's hear you say seduce me.
Audience: Seduce me
Ross: Louder, put your hand on your chest, get the resident, no these guys
only, put your head back, take a deep breath and go, seduce me, make it
resinate. Say it out loud.
Audience: Seduce me
Ross: Better, a little louder. This is not observant. Do it. Seduce me, better,
ok, now do watermelon.
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Suck it in like this and go watermelon.
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: He's got it. Nicky, come on in and have a seat. Ok, do you guys want
to try it? Let's hear it. Let's hear the sexiest watermelon in the world. Are
we ready?
Audience and Ross: Watermelon
Ross: That's good. He's got it, go ahead, one more time.
Audience: Watermelon
Ross: Very good. Ok, all together, ready. 1, 2, 3,
Audience and Ross: Watermelon
Ross: If you guys need extra help on doing this you have my permission to
call two 900 numbers. I'm serious. Take them and listen to how these
women speak. Ok, if necessary, call a gay 900 number.
Audience: Laughs
Ross: I'm serious, I'm serious and listen to how they speak. Here's a good
way to make sure you say it right, get the feeling for yourself right here. And
then as you're speaking to the woman, the feeling that you want her to feel
will guide your tonality. Do you get that? So imagine the feeling that you
want to feel right here and then allow that feeling to guide your voice. So as
the warmth of that voice just wraps itself around you like a pair of legs
around your neck, you'll know, really know, on the inside, just exactly
what's happening, you know. You must learn to control your tonality. I can't
emphasize this enough. It is the single biggest stumbling block. Some other
ways to learn to control your tonality. Get a dictionary. Pick out words at
random and experiment saying those words with the right tonality. Pick out
loaded words like troop, love, seduction, connection. Write these words
down. Troop, love, seduction, connection, desire, lust, absolutely
fascinated. Ok. And work on saying these in the right tonality. I just cannot
emphasize this enough. Trying to learn this without getting master of your
tonalities is like trying to drive your car without gasoline. It's just not going
to work.
See also:
Article in Playboy
Common signs of interest
Common signs of interest from the girl, applicable mostly in bar-room and
club situations. Stephanie Alexander, Maxim (http://maximmag.com):
•
She compliments you on virtually anything. Women are used to
receiving compliments, not giving them. So if she points out a positive
characteristic, you’ve impressed her.
•
She’s disagreeing but laughing. Flirtatious sarcasm, as in “Yeah, right,
like I believe that!” means she’s into you. If she weren’t, she’d simply
“Uh-huh” you into oblivion.
•
She keeps asking you to repeat yourself. She’s not allowing the
blasting music to come between the two of you. A suggestion of a
quieter corner to talk in will be well received.
•
She laughs at your lame junior high school–level jokes. She’s obviously
lust drunk. Or maybe just drunk.
•
She touches you anywhere. Touch her back in the equivalent place,
and let her up the ante, just in case her touch was an accidental slip
of the hand.
•
She stays put. If you run to drain the monster and she’s still where you
left her when you return, you’re doing something right. Likewise if she
comes back to you after she powders her nose.
•
She doesn’t flinch. If you reach across her to grab a drink or an
ashtray and she doesn’t pull back, she’s feeling physically comfortable
with you. Don’t blow it, pal.
•
She says, “Hey, where ya goin’?” as you leave the bar. She’s angling
for an invite. Even if she ultimately says no (she may not feel safe
going off with you or may not want to ditch her friends) it’s a sign
she’s game for a future hookup.
Maxin, Clifford's Seduction newsletter: "I have built for myself a proximity
alert system. When you walk into a room/store/bar etc, while a woman might
be reluctant or too shy to make eye contact, sometimes, on a conscious or
unconscious level, she will reveal her interest through proximity. Guys do
this all the time. Have you ever walked into a bar and then made practically
a bee line for the hottest chick, if only to be near her and check her out
more? And maybe you "changed your mind" and instead of approaching her,
you ordered a drink at the bar right next to her? I've been in stores shopping
where it seemed that a woman I had seen, put herself near me several
times over the course of 10-20 minutes. Coincidence? Maybe, but I don't
really believe that, and it's far more useful for me to believe that a woman
finds me interesting or attractive and is putting herself near me on purpose
hoping that I may start something."
For more signs of interest, see:
Reading body-language
Reading the signs of a "committed" woman
For starters - a story which at first glance only seems to illustrate the
mistake of judging a girl by her words and not her actions. But after a more
careful inspection, even those seemingly "rejecting" words of her are
actually a complementary sign to her actions (the sign being - "I want
you!":).
Mr Happy,
ASF
:
"Ok boys and girls, learn from Mr. Happy's mistake so that you don't fall for
it yourself.
I met this chick online and got her to agree to meet me to play some pool.
She was *really* hot. I also did a really good job of conveying personality... I
got in some good
negs
, some humor, some teasing, it was very playful, and
also some light
kino
. (I know I did this right because she still messages me,
etc so maybe I'll get a chance to correct the FUCK UP that I made...read
on.)
See the whole time she is talking about how she is a Christian, and she
works for Campus Ministries, and she has a FIANCE, and how they're not
just DATING, but they are COURTING and how special it is, blah blah. She
also says how busy she is because of school, and that if I'm going to see
her, it'll be on her terms (ha!) so at that point I thought, screw this, I have
better things to do with my time. She invited me to a mechanical engineer
(her major) party that friday and I turned her down.
She messages me a few days later and talks about how she got drunk and
stoned at the party and how she went home with some other student and
got her brains fucked out. She hopes she isn't pregnant, she doesn't intend
to tell her fiance, etc blah.
That could have been me in there! I will never spare a chick again:)"
Based on the story above, here are commentaries by Odious on what
were/are the signs of a married or borefriended iow "committed" woman
being interested in you. Odious,
ASF
:
"OK, having been with married women before, there are 3 key signs that
she's hot to trot and ready to step out.
1. She will "open up to you" and tell you what IS NOT happening with her
man.
This goes for married women, women with boyfriends... all of them. She will
tell you flat out what it is she is missing and what she wants. When she
starts telling you how he's not cutting it, she's letting you know that door is
open. Now this woman did this, but it sounds like she was being subtle
about it. She said they were courting, not dating... what the hell is that? I
think that meant "we have a commitment but he's not fucking me."
2. If she's interested, she'll create opportunities for the two of you to be
alone together.
I had a woman who I didn't even realize was interested in me, come over to
my house to study and work on a paper... because her computer was on the
fritz. The thought that she was hot for me did not even cross my mind until
she started asking me my opinions on the meaning and value of marriage
iow "what would you think of a woman who cheated on her husband... with
you... right now!"
3. She knows when he'll be around or not, so she'll want to call the shots as
to when you see each other.
She obviously did that one. However, don't count yourself out just yet,
because she is still giving you a subset of the first sign (which was - telling
you what is _not_ happening with her man). She may tell you about other
sexual exploits - if she cheated on him before, or if she cheated on an old
boyfriend etc. So this woman is hitting all the signs. She's opened up to you,
she's making time, she wants to call the shots as to when you get together,
and now she's telling you she cheated. The next time you see her, or talk to
her - act like you think her cheating is no big deal, that you respect it when
women can go for what they want. I have also found an attack on the sexist
nature of the whole idea of monogamy to be very effective:
"The whole idea of monogamy dates back to a time when women were
treated as property. Men ran the world and made all the rules. So men could
have mistresses and concubines, but if a woman cheated she was stoned to
death. It is completely sexist and hypocritical. I think you should listen to
your heart and your desires, and see where that leads you. To me, that is
the only way to go. Fulfill your desires, and seek pleasure. With me, that's
what's important. Pleasure is a gift, indulge it and you become a more
fulfilled and complete person." etc."
NYC explains why "committed" women are actually quite easy both to
approach and even get "very friendly" with:) NYC,
ASF
:
"Women that are "taken" are different from women that are single in that
they are either LESS PICKY or MORE HORNY. Single women are either
looking for more than just dick (MORE PICKY) or they have less of a sex-
drive so they don't REQUIRE a man in their lives unless he's just what they
want.
A chick that is "taken" gives herself to her boyfriend so he can fuck her.
Now the pressure is on the guy to perform. Unless the guy is still HOT for
the chick, the sex is routine or most importantly... ORGASMLESS for the
woman. When she meets you, she feels that DESIRE to be with a man. She
feels YOUR DESIRE to please her and take your pleasure from her. It is that
ROMANTIC kind of interaction that she doesn't get from her "boyfriend"
coming home, turning on the TV, watching sports, feeling her up for a
second (lack of foreplay is a MAJOR turnoff) and fucking her until HE cums
and falling asleep. As long as she feels like she can get away with it and
still have her hum-drum relationship intact, she will fuck you. You would be
surprised how many women are "taken" but nowhere near SATISFIED! ...
HBs
are NEVER without a man. They keep the one they have until they hook
up something new. Then they skip off, so if you are waiting for an
HB
to
become SINGLE, you can forget it!
Capitalise
To capitalise when doing a pick-up would be to * and #close with a girl. To
capitalise with a girl that you've already # or *closed would be to do a
follow-up of calling her and then either by patterning or using any other
seduction technique helping her to realise what you both have really wanted
all along:) And then doing it of course:)
Apart from your usual pick-ups though, you might have gotten a girl
interested in you in the midst of your everyday chores - maybe a co-worker,
a neighbour, a fellow student, a girl at the cashier. To capitalise would
mean NOT TO LET THAT WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY CLOSE! She is already
preconditioned to liking you, so why let such a perfect opportunity slip? I
assume of course, that you find her quite amiable as well:)
As for how to detect such an opportunity - you should know the signs of
interest (see Reading body language for more details). She initiates contact,
calls, emails or starts a conversation with you, smiles, asks questions etc,
or reacts to your initiations more happily than before or more happily than
your average indifferent girl would, giggles with her girlfriends when you
pass her by, draws hearts in her college-block while sitting beside you (now
you're not chasing high-school girls are you?:). See "Reading body language"
for more signs.
But she won't stay interested forever. Any day (or night:) a new prospect
might catch her attention and even without the threat of competition, her
interest for you could wear off any moment, no matter what the reason.
Even if not really having seduced her purposefully, if you detect her interest
(and most probably she is doing her best to let you know:) and she is also
quite to your liking, do end her suffering and extend a helping hand:)
Make sure that is not a supplicating
AFC
-ish hand though - that is one of the
main reasons of the "I was interested in him/her only until he/she developed
an interest for me, then it became boring" phenomenon. Stay on top of
matters. A girl that has developed an interest in you independently in the
course of a few months is no different from a girl that you just met and
helped realise that you are the man of her dreams ten minutes from meeting
her - they both need guidance or else they might get lost.
But you need to begin right away - don't wait for some non-existent "right
time" to approach her or ask her out (hopefully you're past any such
thinking though:) or for her to make the first move (she WON'T, and if you
don't make the first move she will eventually dismiss you as an ignorant
chump or think you're not interested and in either case - she'll move on).
Believe me, if you already noticed the signs of interest, SHE IS interested!
And don't even try to dismiss them as random friendliness or your
imagination, if you noticed them, they're for real:) Now once you know she
is interested - capitalise on it!
Put a price on yourself
Ross Jeffries: "And one of the most true and powerful realities of human
nature is: IF SOMETHING COMES AT VERY LITTLE COST, PEOPLE TEND TO
THINK IT IS OF LITTLE VALUE! We believe that things that are difficult to
possess are inherently of better quality and that things that are easy to
posses are of little value or quality. In other words, absent knowing what
something can do for them, people will make a judgement based on what
they have to give up to get it. They confuse price with value. I certainly
hope that you are smart enough to see the difference. Personally, I judge
the worth of something based on what it will do for me. But practically
speaking, here are some ways to do it in your behaviour in the field:
1. At the appropriate place and time, SHOW YOUR ANGER!! Guys who
never get mad, who never show that they will stand up for themselves
and make a woman feel a bit of unpleasantness are, in effect, giving
themselves away for free!! Let the females in your life know that if
they break your rules, cross you, or show any lack of respect that
THEY ARE GOING TO PAY A PRICE!
2. Be willing to withdraw your time and attention and be unavailable!
There are actually two rules working here: one is that people value
more what they have to work for, but also the rule is: if it's rare or
becoming MORE scarce it's viewed as being more valuable.
Well, in any case, as I've said, it's a reality, so use it in the following ways:
A. A. Now and again, cancel dates.
B. B. Don't always return her phone calls promptly
C. C. On occasion, and especially in the beginning, GET OFF THE PHONE
FIRST!! Don't have unlimited time or willingness to talk!!
That should get her viewing you as scarce and therefore a lot more valuable
and therefore something... She's Willing To Pay A Hell Of A Lot More To Get!!
Now the final, and perhaps the most important rule I can give you is: Let
Women (and people in general) Know What Your Rules Are And What You
Expect Of Them!!! Now, I didn't say whine or demand. I just said let them
know with the attitude of: Hey, these are the rules. If you care to obey them,
great. You'll receive GREAT value in return. If not, please get out of the way
because plenty of people are lined up who WILL pay, and gladly so.
Finally on this topic, you should take steps to totally eliminate from your life
anyone in any capacity who will not pay your price, after you have clearly
informed them what that price may be, and most especially if they have
explicitly agreed to pay it. As I have long said, confidence works two ways:
both in going for what you do want and moving away from what you don't. If
you don't eliminate those who won't pay the price, then you will be
undercutting your confidence when you want to move towards what you
want, because your behaviour is not 100% congruent with your belief that
you are a person of value who is deserving of the best."
Craig, Clifford's Seduction newsletter: "Make her put some work into
hanging out with you in order for her to value you. Make her come and pick
you up, make her spend some money on you, make her call and do you
favors, etc. When she does things for you it will justify her own feelings for
you and allow them to grow."
See also:
Attract girls by being busy
Attract girls by being busy
Let the girls know that you are a busy and important person.
Don Diebel:
•
When a girl asks you what you did yesterday, never say, "Oh, I just sat
around and was bored." Better to say, "I was up early to run errands
and take care of business, then played tennis, met a friend for lunch,
and worked in the afternoon." Lie if you have to. And don't worry,
you'll get used to it:)
•
If a girl calls and asks what you are doing, reply with, "I just walked in
the door" or "I'm just on my way out to take care of business."
•
Don't hang on the the phone for hours talking to girls indicating you
don't have anything else to do. Get the business of the call over, be
pleasant, then excuse yourself.
•
By not calling a girl every night or contacting her every day, you show
that you are busy and have other things that are important in your life
besides her. This lets her know that she is going to have to compete
for your time.
•
If you run into someone, be pleasant and friendly. Show that person
that you have an interest in her, but then excuse yourself because of
having things to do. In this way, you show her that she is going to
have to work for your time. You are not "easy."
By letting people know that you are a person doing things and active, you
suggest a lot to a girl. Certainly, you must be someone who knows where
you are going, hence, leadership. You play on her sense of wanting what she
can't have because she will have to compete for your time with all of your
other activities. You will appear to be different from all the other guys who
are hanging on her begging for her time. She will suspect that there are
other girls in your life or you wouldn't be so busy. And finally, she is going to
have to use her charms to seduce you away from all these other activities -
and girls just love a challenge:)
Craig, Clifford's Seduction newsletter: "Make her miss you. But in order for
scarcity to be effective you have to be sure of one thing. The time she does
spend with you must be absolutely amazing, and without a doubt the best
time she could have with anyone. You need to be able to create an
awesome, MEMORABLE experience with anyone, anywhere, especially
when it really counts.
Also, she can NEVER be the first priority in your life. Always put her second
to something, whether it be your family, career, friends, whatever, but leave
a small piece of hope in her mind that she could become #1."
Show a willingness to walk away
Ross Jeffries: "You see, after years of experience and study, I've come to
the conclusion that a woman can only experience real passion for if on
some level she believes she could do something to lose you! Understand
that when you show this willingness to walk away, in any area of your life, it
conveys the message that you are the prize to be pursued, that you are the
person of value, and they had better take advantage of the opportunity. This
is an attitude that will move you forward in any area that's challenging you.
By way of contrast, if you show a non-stop, forever and ever devotion to her,
and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then where is that tension of
knowing she could lose you? Answer: nowhere! And that's why you get
nowhere when you put up with this kind of stuff! If you've seen an initially
hot relationship grow ice-cold, this is one big reason!!!"
Use her friends
Ross Jeffries: "Flowers work wonders on young chicks, especially if you
give them to her in front of her friends. Always let her friends know (by
being, not saying) you are a great guy. Never ever underestimate a girl's
desire to make her friends jealous of her man. In addition to that, always let
her think her friends want you. "Perceived value" is why only some baseball
cards are worth more that the store you bought them in, when they are all
printed on worthless cardboard. And if you want to put a cherry on top... you
can make slight comments that make her think that just maybe there is the
smallest chance you'll go for one of her friends if she doesn't do right by
you. Or you can go the other way and do things like say, "You friend Sarah
has a huge ass... you're so much better looking than her" etc. A girl's friends
are a fantastic tool."
Judge her by her actions, not her words
It happens ever too often. You're with a girl and she SAYS she's gonna have
to go home. Once you reach her house, she doesn't seem to have the
slightest of intention of leaving you. In silent agreement you move on to
"take a loot at" your house:) Or she SAYS she doesn't sleep with a guy on
the first night, or she SAYS it is too soon etc etc. Now these were all
positive examples of what she SAYS is necessarily not what she wants or
eventually DOES:) But nothing to complain about, right?:)
Wrong. Because the opposite is quite common as well - although she
promises this and that, makes excuses, is sorry ("Oh, I'll call you", "Oh, I
was soo busy, I just didn't have any time!", "I lost your number, what was
it?", "We'll do it next Tuesday, I promise!" etc) but NEVER delivers - which
can leave an
AFC
hanging on and hoping 'til retirement and then some.
In the words of Ross Jeffries: "WATCH WHAT YOUR PROSPECTS DO AND
NOT WHAT THEY SAY!! Especially with women who are excellent excuse
makers and bamboozlers. The ONLY real key to a prospect being qualified is
THE ACTION SHE TAKES! ALWAYS LOOK FIRST AND FOREMOST AT HOW A
WOMAN IS TREATING YOU AND IF YOU ARE BEING TREATED WITH
PRIORITY AND RESPECT. ONLY THEN LOOK AT THE CHARACTERISTICS
AND QUALITIES YOU LIKE IN THAT WOMAN!
One of the primary differences between "jerks" and "nice guys" is what they
focus on. The jerk is first and foremost focused on how he is being treated
and each move he makes is put through the test: "will this increase or
decrease the priority she gives me?". If the answer is decrease... THE JERK
DOESN'T DO IT!!! Nice guys (chronic masturbators) by way of contrast,
focus on the characteristics they like in the girl. They ignore or overlook
rude behaviour from her. They act to show their appreciation and interest in
her rather than to get respect which is why, like Rodney Dangerfield... THEY
DON'T GET ANY!!!"
She cancels a date
Ross Jeffries:
Scenario 1
Her: I can't make it. I've got a rare tropical disease that's causing me to
shrink by the hour.
You: (dead silence for as long as it takes for her to talk again. Just say
NOTHING!!!)
Her: Hello? Are you there? What's wrong?
You: What's wrong is I can't believe the bullshit I'm hearing.
Her: What?????
You: Look...you made a commitment to spend time with me and now you're
blowing me off. You're disrespecting me and disrespecting my time and I'm
NOT going to put up with it. My rule is, if someone makes a commitment to
me, I expect them to keep it. If they can't keep it, I need to know at least a
day in advance so I can make other plans. Got it? If you can live with that
rule, great...if not, sayanora!
Then, HANG UP!!
Now, this may sound extreme, but man does it work well!!! In fact, she'll
probably call back with five minutes and apologise and ask you out!!! I'm not
kidding here; I've seen the hardest, jaded bitches go to giggly little girls,
eager to please me when I've done this. It throws some kind of switch in
their heads. I guess with some people, you don't really get their attention
until... You Give Them A Swift Kick In The Ass!!
Scenario 2
You go to pick her up at her place and she either keeps you waiting outside
for more than ten minutes, or lets you in and then proceeds to talk on the
phone for at least that long while totally ignoring you. Wait for her to finish,
and as soon as she does say something like this:
YOU: Can I ask you a question?
HER: Sure.
YOU: Are you being intentionally rude to test me, or are you just an
accidental asshole?
HER: (mouth dropping open in shock, unable to say anything!)
YOU: Don't ever keep me waiting like this again, ok? I'll always treat you
respectfully, but I expect the same. Do you understand me?
HER: Uh… uh… yes.
YOU: Good. Let's see you make it up to me.
And at this point grab her and kiss her passionately. If you can, try to turn
this into a fuck then and there. Why give her an evening on the town and
reward her rotten behaviour?
If she doesn't return your phone-calls/e-mails
Things are looking grim if she doesn't seem to be returning a phone-call or
an e-mail. But not all is lost yet as it all depends how you proceed from
here.
One certain way to mess things up is calling / e-mailing her some more with
the message being that although you are just slightly confused as to why
she hasn't answered you yet, its ok anyway, lets try again, "here's my
number one more time" etc. Bad. This is sure-fire method of losing her.
Another way to react is not to react at all - you sent your message, she
received it, now its her turn to act, and if she doesn't, well, too bad. This
method lets you keep your integrity and pride, but you could also be losing
out on women who either can't seem to be able to make up their minds (but
beware, they will definetly decide against you once they receive a
supplicating follow-up message from you!) and/or are the kind of girls, that
know to start "behaving" only after having received a few "slaps" from you.
So if hopes were high (you hit it off well, she gave you her number etc, any
signals of possible interest you might have received from her will do) but
now she seems to have disappeared - show that you WILL NOT TOLERATE
such a behaviour, and only because you saw some potential for the two of
you are you WILLING to give her ONE LAST CHANCE. But if she dares to f_ck
up again - its bye-bye- and blam!-door-slam-time:)
A sample e-mail/voice message by ||0_ProB,
ASF
: "Hi [girls name]. This is
[my name]. I wanted to let you know how disappointed I was that you didn't
call me back. But, since I saw so much potential for us I thought I would
give you one last chance. So why don't you give me a call."
This approach also works if she does return your e-mails and phone-calls,
but never seems to have time to actually get together with you. So if she
always seems to have some prior engagements or projects or business or
other BS to take care of and never time for you, here's an example of a
simple and direct message by Maniac High (
http://www.pickupguide.com
),
ASF
:
"Hi xxx
So are you going to make time to meet me, or are you always busy? I am
free Sunday afternoon btw."
See also:
If she disrespects you
If she disrespects you
MrSex4uNYC,
ASF
: "At the first sign of disrespect to you OR passing up an
opportunity to spend time with you, you dump her. When she calls you
wanting to go out or something, you tell her that her behaviour was
unacceptable and that the only way you are going to let her hang out with
you again is if she (make up whatever shit you want her to do because she
broke the rules, fuck, suck, whatever). If all you want from her is a kiss, get
that. If all you want is for her to dress sexily, make her do that. If she
doesn't agree to your terms tell her don't call you again until you are ready
to meet my demands and HANG UP. The point of returning fox is that she is
crawling back to you so you have the POWER in the relationship."
from:
http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-
bin/search.cgi?action=retrieve&grp=1&mn=521199772
Ross Jeffries suggests issuing a warning at first, which is pretty much the
same thing - you have to show that you're serious about it: "Don't be afraid
to call her on bullshit she might pull. Girls will always test your limits... so
the first time they do, call them on it. Tell her that you won't put up with
that shit and not to do it again. NEVER forget you were born without her.
And that there are a hundreds more like her and a thousands more that are
even better than her."
from:
source for original post unknown
Disrespecting you can also be a form of testing you if the chick likes you at
first but wants to determine your worthiness or lack of worthiness - she will
be testing you in order to find out whether you are a supplicating taking-all-
her-shit pussyboy or a man with self-control and the ability to take charge.
Mr Happy,
ASF
: "In order to pass such a test (an example of which is
cancelling a date), you must:
3. Show that you don't lose your temper over it.
4. Show that you don't whine like a baby over it.
5. Show that it doesn't really phase you.
6. Show that you DO find it disrespectful and that you don't tolerate that.
(4) is the most important point, but you MUST do it in such a way that (1,2,3)
are true."
from:
http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-
bin/search.cgi?action=retrieve&grp=1&mn=93804184849337
See also:
If she doesn't return your phone-calls/e-mails
If she says: "Let's just be friends", aka LJBF's you
Ideally, you should never get to a point where a girl is forced to "
LJBF
" you -
that is when she doesn't want you but you don't seem to be able to take a
hint. First of all, you should be able to make most any girl want you anyway,
and secondly, should she really be disinterested, you should have moved on
long before she has a chance to "
LJBF
" you. If however you still happen to
wind up in a mess like that, this is what Don Diebel suggests (he should
know, he is the "dating guy":).
Don Diebel: "If a girl ever blocks advancing the relationship by saying, "No,
let's just be friends," say, "No, I have lots of friends. See you later." By
continuing this type of relationship, you portray yourself as someone who
has nothing better to do than hang around with a girl who is not that
interested in you. The relationship will never get to where you want to go -
to bed for some romance, passion, and sex. And even if by some miracle the
relationship did advance to the bedroom, she would be doling out sex -
dictating the where, when and how much. If she wants to cut you off at any
time, she can and you have to accept it because that is the implied
agreement from the start. She is in complete control, hence, she will never
be satisfied with you.
If, on the other hand, you walk away from this relationship, you have
established that you are the type used to leading a relationship, you have
plenty of other girls willing to take you on your terms, and she is losing out.
We have seen cases where a man will completely turn around the
relationship as soon as a girl sees that he is willing to "walk" rather than
accept something that is not on his terms.
When do you give up on a girl? When do you decide that a relationship is not
advancing? When you are the only one making an effort to keep it
advancing. If she is not putting energy in to you, take the hint and move on
to the next prospect. Don't stay where you're not appreciated. If this
situation does occur, try to figure out why. How did she perceive you? What
turned her off? Learn from your mistakes."
What to do, if you can see that you're approaching
LJBF
-land with a girl.
Glenn Durden,
ASF
: "Completely and totally cut off all contact with her for a
few months. When you come back, you can almost start from scratch. More
of a stranger, less of a "close friend"."
Fun and games
The kissing bet. An old trick, you can also use it with or without the
GM
technique.
ASF
: "Tell the girl that you will bet her a dollar (or a drink is nice)
that you can kiss her without using your lips or your tongue. Girls usually
think (know) that your up to something, so sometimes it takes a little
convincing to get them to take the bet. They will take it about 1/3 of the
time. If the girl is a good friend and she doesn't take the bet, say "Ok.
Fine...Just check out this trick I learned...you can use it to make money off
people," then play it off like your doing her a favour by showing her this
(Trust me you are). Then if she accepts the bet or you offer to show her "the
trick" do this: Say: "Ready...Watch this!" Then move in like you are going to
kiss her on the lips. Ok this is fucking important. When you reach the point
of no return you absolutely MUST lay the smoothest and I mean the
smoothest smack on her she has ever experienced. Then say "God Damn
you're a good kisser!...I guess I owe you a buck!" If your kiss is smooth
enough this will most definitely lead to more kissing and maybe even a child
if your a real asshole. (If you need a good line here say "I don't think that
kiss was worth more than 50 cents, you owe me another")."
Osama - the king. A Japanese version of truth or dare. Everyone shows their
hand with the amount of extended fingers forming a number from one to
five. The numbers are added up and the resulting numbers are counted
clock-wise from the last "king" (or from the one the added up the numbers if
the game has just begun). The one who ends up with the final number will
be the next "king" and can "truth or dare" any other two
players
to do
anything:)
A-hole + truth or dare.
ASF
: "Remember how easy it was to kiss girls playing truth or dare in high
school? Well, guess what... it still works with college age women... Except
now you're fucking! My
wingman
and I use this everytime we bring girls
back to my house. We always end up banging our chicks of choice, but the
best part is you get to do freaky shit with both of them! Not to mention that
the lesbian action (unavoidable when playing with me!) is a great way to
psyche yourself up for some serious sex.
We make a plan about what and who we are gonna do before we start and
prep each other with good dares and truths. DO NOT play this without whip
cream... this is the most important accessory you will need. You will be
amazed when you see how turned on a girl can get just by liking whipped
cream off her stomach. Start off with little stuff like kisses and then move
up to licking whipped cream off nipples, dryfucking, lapdances, and the
closer... Dare your
wing
to go in a room with one of the chicks for 5 minutes
and see what happens. At this time grab the other girl and wear out your
carpet. At this point the girls will be so turned on from the licking and
kissing that you can basically do whatever you want with them. When you're
alone in the room you can be like, "I dare you to let me come in your mouth"
etc.
Sounds great so far right? But your worried about how to get the game
started. You cant just say, "Ok, time for truth or dare". To the girls it sounds
more like, "Ok, time for us to use you for our sexual entertainment." You
have to sneak them into it. My recipe goes like this: start off with the
greatest drinking game of all time, Asshole, to get them nice and liquored
up. Then move on to the game I'm about to describe.
Throw out any cards below an 8. Take the rest and spread them in a circle
around the biggest cup you can find. Now you take turns drawing cards.
8 = Band Names. Go around the table saying band names. Each name has to
start with the last letter of the previous name. For instance, I say Vanilla
Ice, the next person says Eric Clapton, next person says Nine Inch Nails. If
you cant think of one in ten seconds then you drink and the next person
draws a card.
9 = Truth. You can ask whoever you want.
10 = Person to the left drinks for 5 sec.
Jack = Dare. Whoever you want.
Queen = Everyone drinks for 5 count.
King = Fill up the huge cup with 1/3 of the way full with whatever you are
drinking. The person who draws the last king has to pound whatever nasty
mixture ends up in the cup. After a few rounds you will start running out of
band names since you can't say the same one twice. Wait till one of the
girls cant remember a band name then say, "Lets just play truth or dare".
They will happily agree if your dares and truths were exciting and getting
them horny.
My
wing
and I played this thursday night with 3 girls and 4 guys. At the
beginning of the night the girls actually asked me if they could stay over so
they didn't have to drive home drunk! After much a serious truth or dare
session with tons of sexual acts, I dared my
wing
to go in a room for 5 min
with one of the chicks and see what happens. They never came out. It was
getting late and I had to work the next morning. I tossed the other two girls
some blankets and said, "You two can sleep in my bed if you want, but dont
be thinking we're gonna hook up and shit cause I really gotta get some
sleep." 10 minutes later one of the girls cruises into my room, jumps in bed
with me and starts kissing me. She was about an 8 but it was 3:30 so I told
her I had to sleep and to leave her number and we would continue this the
next night. In the meantime my brother has gotten the 3rd chick into his
room and my other friend is spanking hank in my bathroom.
I've never played this game before without all the girls willing to bang at the
end, whether they have boyfriends or not. I got the idea a year ago when I
was asking a girl if she had ever had a lesbian experience. She told me that
the only time she ever did was in a crazy game of truth or dare when she got
dared to eat some girl out for 5 min. Neither of these girls were bi before it
happened. This just goes to show that the possibilities are endless!!!"
Play a game of Crash and Burn
by Razor Cat
A little idiocy is great for confidence. The game: Crash and Burn. The object
of this game is to crash and burn. Hit women with the worst lines, the most
outrageous innuendoes, lame pickups, and so forth. Go down in flames
repeatedly. Have fun doing this. Make this your goal. Okay, now you've been
shot down in the most horrendous of ways. Fun, wasn't it? And you are still
alive! And a whole lot more desensitised. Yes, this does work. I had six
women laughing for an hour this way at a party. It's based on the Juggling
school of management. In brief: they teach you to juggle in order to be a
better manager. The first thing that they have you do is drop the balls. You
spend five or ten minutes practising this. The lesson is that you can't be
afraid of dropping the balls. Screwing up isn't' failure, it's just screwing up.
Eye contact experiment
by David Shade
I asked one woman friend of mine "why did you go out with him?" and she
replied: "because when I looked at him he kept eye contact with me."
When I recall the very successful people I have had the pleasure of working
for in the corporate world, I remember that they all maintained eye contact
while speaking to me. When you watch somebody successful being
interviewed on TV, like Scott McNealy of Sun, you notice that they never
look away from their interviewer's eyes and they rarely blink.
You are approaching a chick in the hall as you walk towards each other.
When should you look at her? (Her eyes, silly. If you look at anything else,
it's over.) I have tried all combinations. If I wait until the last instant, I either
find she is not looking, or, if she is looking, she quickly looks away. If I look
at her and she looks at me and I look away, then she never looks again.
Then I tried something bold and decide I will look at her eyes the entire
time. To my amazement, she gazes like a deer into headlights. Never breaks
eye contact. So I decide to try this little experiment.
Recently I spent a week attending meetings in one of our buildings filled
with educated successful professional women in their 20's and 30's. Most
are definitely doable. Some are gorgeous. Some are married, some are not. I
spent my time between meetings trying this: I would pick a different floor
and I would walk down each hall, walking just slightly to the right of center.
When I saw a woman walking towards me, I maintained looking at her eyes.
Only the heavy ones did not keep looking. But for all the others, including
the gorgeous ones, they maintained eye contact the entire time. I never
blinked. They never blinked. They broke eye contact only when we were just
about next to each other. I broke eye contact only after she did. What really
amazed me was that by the time we passed, almost every chick had broken
a smile. Some even said "Hi." I did not smile or say Hi until they first did.
These halls were not long. Each woman was no farther than 30 feet away
when I first saw her. But what if it had been a very long hall? How far down
the hall should I start looking at her eyes? I certainly don't want to scare
her. I look straight ahead, and then when she is about 30 feet away, I start
looking into her eyes.
I then went to the mall a few times to try the experiment there. Most did not
look at all. Of those who did look, most only looked for a second. Only about
a third locked on. Of those, about half broke a smile or said Hi. A couple of
them where so moved that they almost tripped.
Do you have to be walking? I tried the experiment while sitting. Almost none
maintained eye contact. Do they have to be walking? While I was walking I
would look at any chicks who were sitting. The results were the same as if
we were both walking.
If I was approaching two chicks, and looked from one to the other, I lost
them both. So, if I am in such a situation, I lock onto one and I don't change
my mind.
If I smiled or said Hi, while she was still looking at me, but before she
smiled or said Hi, it would usually result in my loosing her. On rare instances
did it make her smile and say Hi with enthusiasm. So, I never smile or say Hi
until she first does so, and I smile if she smiles and say Hi if she says Hi.
If she did not lock eye contact with me, I would go ahead and say Hi when
she got close to me. In many instances she would then enthusiastically turn
to me and smile and say Hi.
I would also look at chicks who were with a man if he was not looking in my
general direction. I was surprised at the number of times that she would
lock on and actually smile.
I noticed that the better I dressed, or the sexier I dressed, the better I did. I
noticed that the women who looked where better dressed then those who
did not.
Eye contact in a bar is an entire science in itself. When done correctly, it
can be fucking lethal.
Real
players
never stare. They lock eye contact. There is a difference
between staring and locking eye contact. They are two totally different
things.
When you look at a woman, here is what you do. Lock eye contact with her.
Don't blink. Don't look at her friend. Pick one eye and don't let go. You only
get one chance at this. Don't give up. Don't smile. Don't say anything. You
are telling her that you are interested in her and you are not intimidated by
her. Then leave it up to her. You will be amazed at the staring capability
that women posses.
She is thinking "Who is this guy to be so bold as to continue looking at me
while I look at him? Now this is interesting. He is different." She knows that
if she lets go now, she will loose you. She will go one of two ways. If she
wants to loose you, she will break eye contact and look away. If she does
not want to loose you, but is instead intrigued by what you are doing, she
knows that she has to eventually end the stare down and she will have to
make the move. She will have to either smile or say Hi.
If she smiles, you smile. If she says Hi, you say Hi. Don't say Hello. Then you
reward her and make your move.
Of course, you don't always have to wait for eye contact to make your
move.
David Shade,
ASF
: "When you are talking to a woman, always maintain eye
contact. This demonstrates confidence and intent. Don't theorize about it,
just do it. Pick one eye and stick with it. Don't go from eye to eye, that is
nervous. That can only be done with great skill as she will associate eye
changes to content.
The only time you do not look a woman in the eyes is when you are
"motioning away" as you mention something "bad", such as her borefriend.
Anything "bad" is associated with "looking away."
That is after you have already started talking to her. But what about before
that? Again - always remain in eye contact. Let her be the first to break eye
contact. Then make your approach. It does not matter what the setting is. It
is universal."
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