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~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

3

Contents

Introduction

4

Chapter 1 – Show Him Your Best Stuff

7

Chapter 2 – Be In The Moment – Be In The Now

10

Chapter 3 – Let Him Be Innocent

13

Chapter 4 – Try Him On For Size

17

Chapter 5 – Don’t Waste Your Time or His

22

Chapter 6 – Go Ahead, Make His Day

25

Chapter

7

–

Zip

It 29

Chapter 8 – It’s Not “All About You”

31

Chapter 9 – Keep Your Wits About You

33

Life Enhancing / Personal Growth Resources

35

Copyright © 2007 by Kara Oh and Paige Grant
All rights reserved
Published by Relationship Success Systems, Inc.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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9 Ways To Instantly

Improve Your Dating Skills

by

Kara Oh & Paige Grant

The Heart Specialists

™

Our core philosophy and belief is that within each woman and man is the
magnificent person they were meant to be. When you’re able to step up
and show the world who you really are, everything will take on a new
glow… you will take on a new glow and men will notice. You’ll be a
happier, more fulfilled, gentler, kinder woman who will be more attractive
than you’ve ever been before.

As you may have noticed, we’re the Heart Specialists™. In our 20+
combined years working with men and women and couples, we now
understand that the greatest detriment to creating enduring relationships
that get better with age is a lack of heart-to-heart interaction. The ability to
connect at a heart level is not something that we’re taught but it is at the
core of every successful relationship. If you haven’t done so, we hope
you’ll take The Heart Test at DatingSuccessTechnology.com.

So, an important question that we must ask: How’s your heart doing? Are
you in tip-top shape? Are you ready, willing and able to say “Yes” to love?
Or do you need a heart bypass because the way you’ve always done the
love thing has never worked out? Or worse, do you need a complete heart
transplant because you decided that love was no longer an option
because someone dumped on your heart and stomped all over it?

Probably all you have is a bit of “Emotional Plaque”™ and we just need to
help you get on a better diet of:

9 Happiness
9 Appreciation of others and yourself
9 Generosity of spirit
9 Sensual connection to the real you
9 And a daily dose of gratitude…

We can help you get your heart in shape so you can love like you’ve never
loved before and be so appealing and attractive that men are completely
intrigued when they meet you… so much so that they can’t stop thinking
about you. You can also develop the skills and know-how to build a love

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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and passion-filled relationship that goes far beyond anything you, or he,
has ever experienced before.

We’re going to be here for you, helping you rise to become your most
loving, lovable self, holding your hand, so to speak, every step of the way.
You can’t expect to do this alone. You can see where that’s gotten you.
You need a plan of action… new skills and tools that will allow you to date
smarter than you’ve ever dated before. Why? Well, just think about it. If
you keep doing things the same way you always have, then simply
meeting a great guy, maybe THE great guy, is not enough.

You need to bring something new to the table. You need to give him the
opportunity and pleasure of meeting the very best possible version of you.
And how do you find her? Simple. Wake up and start noticing things you
never noticed before. True change cannot occur without new levels of
awareness. Without awareness we keep doing the same old stuff the
same old way. And you already know that’s not going to get you where
you want to go.

That’s our job, to help you notice, to become aware of what you’ve been
doing and show you a better way. If you’ve never done anything like this
before then you may not know that awareness is the first step in changing
yourself into the magnificent woman you were put on this earth to be.
She’s the woman who’s looking for love, the woman who knows there’s
something better out there and the woman who was drawn to this book
and all that we offer.

You are waking up and realizing that you don’t have to do it alone and that
things do need to change. You need to change. And change you will,
starting with this e-book and with 15 Dating Mistakes, which hopefully
you’ve already read. If not, that’s also available, for free, at
DatingSuccessTechnology.com.

Too many women are making too many of those mistakes. They hire a
matchmaker for thousands of dollars, then think they can just go out there
and expect a great guy to fall all over himself simply because they’re
sitting across the table from him.

We’re very sorry, but that’s not how it works. You’re single for a reason.
From what we’ve determined after interviewing many single women, most
women are single because they’ve given up and simply quit trying,
sometimes long ago. Is that what happened to you? Maybe your heart got
crushed, maybe you tried for a while and nothing materialized. So you
poured yourself into your work. Or maybe pouring yourself into your work
is the reason you’re single and no longer wish to be.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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Now, a few years down the road, you’re noticing that you’re tired of being
alone. That your work just doesn’t hold the same excitement. That you
want someone to share your life with, to talk to, to play with and to hold
you at night.

Let this e-book be the beginning of a path of personal change, of you
choosing to grow into the magnificent woman you are. Yes, you are. You
are the fascinating, fun, sexy, sensual woman that he’s looking for. You
just need to release her… let her out so she can start to live fully,
gloriously, sensuously.

Are you ready? Are you willing? Are you worth the effort required to live
the kind of life you want? We think you are or we wouldn’t be here,
pouring our hearts and souls into helping you and others like you to find
the path to heart-centered love. This is our passion… you are our passion
and we’re here to help. Personal growth is not always easy but it’s the
most fascinating journey you’ll ever take. This we know from personal
experience.

These 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills, and your one
month’s free membership in Dating Success Technology, are a great
place to begin. We’re up for it if you are. Like we said above, we’re here
for you… every step of the way.

Before going any further, we’ve found it helps to get more value out of a
book or course when you first set your intention. So, below, write what you
expect to gain from reading this ebook? How do you want your dating
skills to improve? How do you want to improve your outcome and get
closer to achieving your goal of creating a relationship that goes far
beyond anything you’ve ever experienced before?

Write your intention here:

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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Chapter 1

Show Him Your Best Stuff

You are beyond all measure, if you only knew it.

Meeting a new man for the first time is not usually conducive to being your
brightest, most alluring self. That’s because we have so many messy
things that get in the way. You’re nervous; insecure; wondering if he’ll like
you; wondering if you’ll like him; going down your list of what you’re
looking for; too conscious of how you laugh; watching how he eats;
wondering if that spinach got caught in your teeth; and on… and on… and
on… Messy, very messy.

So what’s a girl to do with all that mind-chatter cluttering up the airwaves,
interfering with your energy transmission? And we do mean energy. He
needs to feel your energy, as you do his. That’s the only way you’re going
to have even an inkling of knowing if you should go on a second or third
date.

The best way to show him your best stuff is to be well prepared, which will
give you untold levels of new confidence. It’s like giving a great speech. If
you have to give a speech you plan for it. You decide what to say then
practice, over and over, until it’s sharp and polished. Dating is a bit like
that. You need to prepare yourself. Do you have a checklist? If not, you
should.

In the first course in our 7 Steps To Dating Success package, Let The
Real You Shine Through, you’ll be asked to take a personal inventory so
you know what things you need to work on in order to show up as
confident and glowing as possible.

Here’s a basic checklist of what absolutely needs a big “YES!”

1. You’re confident in your appearance – hands, hair, teeth,

clothes, make-up, weight.

2. You focus on him and make him feel comfortable.
3. You ask great questions on topics that are light and fun.
4. You’re a great listener, encouraging him to talk.
5. You let him know that you’re having a good time.
6. You have a good time, even if he’s not right for you because he

deserves that much since he arranged to take you out and is
paying for the evening.

And here’s a basic checklist of what absolutely needs a big, fat “NO!”

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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1. You talk, and talk, and talk, never noticing how he’s reacting to

you (more about this later).

2. You grill him about his “future plans” instead of just getting to

know what kind of man he is.

3. You bring up past relationships and complain about how bad it

was and how bad your ex was.

4. You’re dressed too sexy or too business-like – both send

inappropriate messages.

5. You come on to him, touch him inappropriately, swear or tell off-

color jokes – basically, you’re not a lady.

6. You act like he’s just a means to an end.
7. You let him know, directly or indirectly, that you’re not having a

good time.

To have the “best stuff” he’s ever come across, all you need to do is be
able to honestly respond with an 8 or a 9 to every one of the 21 questions
on The Dating Success Quiz. If you could do that you’d be most any
man’s dream-come-true. But ironically, if you could do that you’d be your
own dream-come-true because you’d be happier just being you. Funny
how that works.

When you don’t care enough to make the effort to show him your best
stuff, it’s like you’re saving it. Maybe you need to have those off-the-chart
flutters going fast and furious for you to even give a guy a chance. So
when that doesn’t happen the very moment you lay eyes on him, do you
typically relax and not put any effort in? It’s like you’re saving your “best
stuff” for when Mr. Right shows up.

But it simply doesn’t work that way. It’s exciting when we have that
immediate “oh-my-gawd,” fireworks, over-the-top sexual chemistry, but it’s
really not a smart way to judge the worthiness of a man. And it certainly
should not be the criterion for determining if a man is worth your time and
energy.

Just to clarify, yes, we do want and need some chemistry, that magical
attraction that is so hard to find. But basing your search on something as
flimsy as wild-and-crazy chemistry, when we all know that even the most
madly passionate beginning always dies down to a manageable level, is
not a good idea. And if that’s your definition of love, it’s really kind of
amazing that we think a rock-solid friend/lover/support relationship should
have a kind of out-of-your-mind insanity as the foundation.

A quality, deeply satisfying and fulfilling relationship takes skill, wisdom,
patience, insight, and a willingness to see the “real” person inside.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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So when you meet a new man, always, always… always show him your
best stuff. When you do that you’ll help him relax (remember, the more
attracted he is to you the more likely he’ll be nervous) so you can both get
a glimpse into each other’s hearts and souls. Because, trust us, true love
comes from that place and only that place. Chemistry, how blue his eyes
are, how much hair he has, how tall he is or how fat his bank account is is
nothing, NOTHING, if you don’t have the heart and soul connection.

If you’re a true lady, and we’re assuming you are, you’ll want to make
everyone you meet feel good. That’s when you can answer with a 9 on
The Dating Success Quiz. Even if the “ick” thing is huge, show the guy a
little compassion because he’s probably never had an attractive woman
be kind to him. If you can do that, you’ve got your “best stuff” polished and
shining bright… ready for Mr. Right when he finally shows up.

Here are some things to think about…

In what ways are you keeping your “best stuff” from the men you date?








How will this chapter help you make changes in how you interact with
men? How will it help you show more of your “best stuff?”

Courses that will help you develop your “best stuff”:

• Let The Real You Shine Through

• Communicate Your Way To A Great Relationship

• Hidden Secrets To Winning His Heart

• Creating Rapport That Leads To More

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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Chapter 2

Be In The Moment – Be In The Now

If you’re anywhere other than “now,”

you’re missing out… on everything worth having.

Focusing on goals is essential to get what you want. But he’s not a goal.
Meeting a new man is a goal, so once you’re sitting across from him, the
goal should be only this… are you ready? HAVE A GOOD TIME! That’s all
he’s doing and all that he expects – and hopes – from you. When a man is
with a woman, especially when he’s attracted, his senses are filled with
her and there’s really not much else that he wants to focus on.

If you’re thinking about what kind of a husband he’ll be, you’re not in the
moment, you’re in the future. If you’re wondering how he fits your list,
you’re not in the moment, you’re in the past, when you made that list, and
when you were a girl or young woman, formulating your fantasy
relationship.

For you to be able to really get a sense of who he is, you must be in the
moment because that’s where he is. Men are very good at being in the
here and now. And men go on a date specifically to have a good time. Is
that too much to ask? Is that a difficult thing to do? If you can’t do that,
then don’t date. Find a way to have an arranged marriage.

If you really want to determine whether or not you want to see him again,
you have to get out of your head to really see who he is. If you’re in your
head with all that future and past and fantasy stuff, you’re going to miss
the whole event… miss it entirely. That’s a complete waste of your time
and his. And it’s not fair to either of you.

Being in the moment, being in the now, being present with a man is not
always as easy as we’d like it to be. You must consciously practice this
skill so that when you’re with a new man, you can do it naturally. More
than anything, we want you to really, really understand that when you’re
on a date, YOU’RE ON A DATE! You’re not in a meeting and you’re not
doing an interview. You’re on a date.

Remember when you first started dating, probably in high school? Did you
have anything in mind other than having a good time? The biggest
concern was whether or not he was going to kiss you. That was about just
being with him, being maybe insecure and wondering if he wants you to
be his girlfriend if you weren’t already. Life was simpler then, yes, of
course. But dating can be simple like it was back then.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

11

Because this is probably a new thing for you to learn, here are some
simple ways to train yourself to get better and better at being in the
moment:

As we’ve mentioned before, the first step in making improvements in your
behavior and in your life is awareness. Until we become aware, everything
we do and every reaction we have that is unconscious will continue unless
some other unconscious thing replaces it. Unconscious means you don’t
have control over it. It just happens. That’s why it’s called a reaction.
Someone does something or says something and you have a knee-jerk
reaction. So the goal is to get you out of that unconscious place and into a
place of choice. The more you can choose how you interact with men, the
more success you’ll have.

When you become aware that you haven’t been present, in the “now” with
a man, simply notice it, take a breath and then point your focus, like a
laser, at his eyes. Then, as you’re looking into his eyes, focus on his
words. Really start listening, with your full, undivided attention. Now, as
you keep your focus on him, allow your heart to connect with his. When
you do this, you’ll be fully present with him and he will notice, big time.

A great way to develop the ability to be in the moment more of the time is
to begin to meditate. It doesn’t have to be a formal kind of meditation that
you need to learn. It can be any time you allow yourself to be still… to
quiet your mind. Anything you can do when you won’t be disturbed by
phones, kids or people pulling at you: walking, sitting quietly in a darkened
room, taking a bubble bath, sitting in your garden, it doesn’t matter.
Whatever feels right and allows you to be still will help with all that mind
chatter that goes on so much of the time. The better you get at doing this,
the more present you’ll be with the men you meet.

Men like it when you make them feel special. Doing the above Heart
Connecting process with a man will make him feel very special. The fun
thing about this is he won’t have a clue why you feel so good to be with. If
you’re really interested in this man this is a wonderful way to create an
energetic connection that he’ll respond to at a very deep level.

If you’re on a date and he’s not someone you wish to go out with again,
then do this process but only as practice at being in the moment with him.
He’ll think you’re fantastic and you’ll have to tell him you don’t think the
connection is there, but he’ll give your matchmaker good feedback on you
and he might even have a friend he’d like you to meet. You never know
what good will come out of being fully present with someone. And it’s
really the only respectful thing to do.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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Things to think about:

In what ways are you not being in the moment on dates? What do you do
that keeps you from focusing on who he really is?

















How will this chapter help you to be in the moment more of the time? What
can you do that will help you be more present and really see who he is?
















Courses that will help you be in the “now”:

• Let The Real You Shine Through

• Hidden Secrets To Winning His Heart

• Creating Rapport That Leads To More

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

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Chapter 3

Let Him Be Innocent

Men are unique and individual, just as you are.

To think anything less is unfair.

Unless you’ve never had a boyfriend or been married, you’ve been hurt.
Yes, some of the men you’ve been involved with were jerks. Yes, some of
the men you’ve been with have not lived up to your expectations. Maybe
you’ve been dumped or cheated on or yelled at. But that was them and
that was then.

This is a new man sitting across from you and he’s never done anything
bad to you. It’s possible that he’s one of those gentlemen who would
never allow himself to do anything bad to a woman. You’re looking for a
wonderful man, a kind man, a respectful man, a fun man. Why not give
this man a chance to prove to you that he has all those great qualities?

If you’re one of those women who tend to blame all men for everything
every man has ever done to you and to every other woman whose story
you’ve heard, then you might as well stop dating right now. Because a
man can sense that anger a mile away. Once they get even a tiny hint of
it, they’re going to run the other way, like a Banshee out of hell, as the
saying goes. It may be a cliché but most men will admit that that’s pretty
much what they’re feeling when they come across one of these angry
women.

If you’re dating there are two assumptions that one can make about you:

1)

You’re sure there’s a good man out there or you wouldn’t be
looking

or

2)

You get some kind of emotional reward out of letting men
know how angry you are

We’re assuming you fit into the first category since you’re reading this
book. But you might be harboring some unacknowledged anger that you
need to get rid of before love is going to find you. We have a course that
will help you, entitled Clear The Pathway To Love, so you can get that
anger out of you so it no longer messes with you, and Stop The Blocks To
Love, which deals with emotional scars from childhood wounding.

Holding on to anger for what men have done to you in the past is one of
the major contributors to Emotional Plaque™. It hardens the ability of your

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

14

heart to connect to another’s. It hardens your openness to the good that is
in others, especially men. It hardens your spirit, makes you small, keeps
your light from shining and interferes with your ability to feel joy and be
happy.

So, for now, hopefully you can at least set that anger aside and take in
what we’re about to tell you.

We don’t generally encourage women to do the Cinderella thing but in this
case, it’s a nice idea to assume this man is the Perfect Prince. No, he
doesn’t have a golden blond mane, his shoulders to hip ratio is not classic,
he’s not necessarily 6’ or taller, his teeth don’t twinkle in the moonlight,
and his eyes aren’t Caribbean blue.

What you see is simply the outer package, something he had little to do
with. He got that package from his parents. Yes, he might have developed
a belly, which is fully in his control, but the rest is pretty much what he got
at birth, except his hairstyle… but not his hairline. Again, that came from
his parents.

You might not have thought about it this way but a “package” cannot love
you. It’s simply the outer wrapping. Yes, maybe you can get the tingles
from looking at him, but that has to do with you. Unless you’ve been living
in a cave all your life, at least once in your life you’ve had the “hots” for a
great looking guy who turned out to be a person you’d never want to be in
a relationship with. That’s why you’re now looking for someone better than
that.

What you should be focusing on is what’s inside. That’s where the gift is.
What’s inside is his heart, his spirit, his soul. Inside is where his beliefs,
attitudes, wisdom, knowledge, people skills, even his lovemaking skills
are. There are plenty of great looking men who are really lousy lovers.
Think about it: Why should they have ever given it the time and attention it
deserves when women have been throwing themselves at them all their
lives?

If you’re looking for love, respect, passion, fun, friendship and a quality
relationship, you need a quality man. And if you can let him be a blank
slate for just a while, without assuming he’s one of those jerks you’ve
known, he just might be the perfect man for you.

So be curious about who this man is. Be excited about meeting someone
new and exploring what makes him tick. If you assume he’s looking for all
the same things you are, a good woman who he can love, who he can
make happy, who he can share his life with and shower with love, maybe

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

15

that’s what you’ll find. But if you show up with that chip on your shoulder,
he’ll never give you the chance. He’ll be too busy looking for the exit.

Things to think about…

In what ways have you been blaming new men for things your past
boyfriends or husband(s) have done? In what ways are you angry at all
men, simply for being men?
















What can you do to shift your attitude about men? Some ideas that you
can try are: imagine a heart-to-heart connection, remember that he’s
looking for love, just as you are; give him the benefit of the doubt; and
assume he’s a good and kind man.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

16

How will this chapter help you make the necessary shift in attitude so you
can be open to more opportunities to find the kind of man you’re looking
for? Make some notes here:














Courses that will help you simply enjoy him:

• Let The Real You Shine Through

• How To Recognize Mr. Right When You Meet Him

• Hidden Secrets To Winning His Heart

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

17

Chapter 4

Try Him On For Size

We fall in love because that person

makes us feel great about ourselves.

Because we’re bombarded with “instructions” to fall in love with the outer
package, which is not only how a man looks but what kind of lifestyle he
offers, we forget to go deep inside and get very clear about how a man
makes us feel.

Sure, there’s the “ick factor” to consider first. If a man is icky, you’re not
going to fall in love with him. The nice thing about this is that if he’s icky,
you know it immediately and you don’t have to waste his or your time with
the learning phase – which takes at least three dates – to determine if you
even want to pursue the possibilities of a relationship.

When you take our two courses, What Do You Really Want and 10 Steps
To Manifesting Your Ideal Relationship which includes How To Recognize
Mr. Right When You Meet Him, part of what you’ll be asked to do is
determine, with as much clarity as possible, what you want in a
relationship and in a man. Yes, the outer package needs to be part of the
equation but more important is what you want and need on the inside.
How you want to be loved over a wonderfully long period of time.

It helps to be really clear about what you’re looking for, deep down in your
soul, but even if you haven’t taken our courses yet, you can at least
become aware enough to start paying attention to that part of what you’re
looking for.

To do this you need to be good at being in the now, being present with the
man you’re with, as we pointed out in Chapter 2. Since, hopefully, you’ve
been practicing that skill, you can now start determining how each man
you meet makes you feel.

You cannot notice how you’re feeling if you’re in your head. When you’re
thinking about how he looks, how he acts, what kind of job he has, how
much money he makes, etc… you know, all the stuff that makes up the
outer package, you cannot be fully present, in the moment with him. So let
go of how he looks – as long as he’s attractive enough – let go of what
kind of lifestyle he brings with him. Trust that your matchmaker thought
this was a good match. She knows what you’re looking for and because
she’s able to be more objective than you – not emotionally at risk – she
can see the larger picture.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

18

She thinks this guy matches close enough to what you’re looking for, so
you can let go of worrying about that. You’re there to simply enjoy meeting
a new man and having a good time.

So let’s look at this feeling thing. It’s possible that you’ve never
consciously taken an inventory of how a man makes you feel. Usually,
when you start noticing that you’re developing feelings for a man you call
your best friend and excitedly begin to ramble off a list of descriptive
words that end up being meager corollaries to what you’re really feeling. Is
that about right? Yes, we know it is because we’ve done the very same
thing. But that isn’t a conscious, deductive effort to get a clear picture of
why you like this man.

Deciding to pursue a relationship with a new man is a serious undertaking,
especially when we’re over 35 or 40 because, as they say, “Time’s a’
wastin’.” You want to relax and enjoy yourself, as we’ve already instructed,
but you also want to be efficient so you don’t waste your time on the
wrong man. To do this requires you to become fully aware of what’s going
on within you.

A warning is in order before we go any further: This is not about needing a
man to make you feel good about yourself. You need to be happy without
a man before you get into a relationship. That’s why we have Let The Real
You Shine Through as the first course in the 7 Steps To Dating Success
package. If you need a man to fill holes in your self worth you will never
have a healthy relationship. Partly because that’s not his job – even if he
knew how – and mostly, because no matter how great he is, no matter
how great he makes you feel, you will never be filled up from the outside.
You must do that for yourself. When you are able to achieve that, you will
have the best relationship of your life.

What we’re talking about is wanting a man to add to your life, not to
detract from it. It’s healthy when you want a man to add those missing
pieces to your already happy life.

Good feelings you get from being with him:

• You feel special.

• You feel taken care of.

• You feel “seen” and that he really wants to know who you are, what

makes you tick, what you care about.

• You feel attractive, more beautiful than you usually do.

• You feel respected and admired.

• You feel heard, like he really understands what you say.

• You feel like he’s interested in what you have to say.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

19

• You feel more like a woman than you usually do.

Bad feelings you get from being with him:

• You feel like he doesn’t respect you.

• You feel stupid.

• You feel like what you have to say isn’t interesting to him.

• You feel inferior.

• You feel discounted.

• You feel like an object rather than a human being.

Now this is really, really important, so please, for your own well-being, pay
attention:

¾ If he doesn’t make you feel good, it doesn’t matter how good he is

“on paper.”

Too many women ignore this one obvious issue and get involved with
someone they know from the beginning isn’t right for them. When he’s too
attractive, too rich, too whatever, somehow that causes the smartest
women to go completely stupid.

You probably know women who’ve done this and likely, you’ve done it
yourself at least once. We’ve both done it and yes, it’s embarrassing and
wastes a lot of time and emotional energy. But we don’t beat ourselves up
about it. Part of personal growth – choosing to improve ourselves – is
knowing that with each mistake we make, with each heartache, there are
lessons to be learned.

Some of them we’d rather not have had to go through so to keep us from
getting down on ourselves we call those experiences A.F.L.E. We’ll teach
you how to use this as a great tool for getting through those bumpy places
in life in one of our Special Topics Courses, Clearing The Pathway To
Love. For now, maybe you can get a glimpse of the value of A.F.L.E. if
you know what it means. Sorry about the F-word but it’s the only way it
has the impact to be useful: Another F---ing Learn Experience. This goes
quite well with another useful personal growth tool: saying, “Oh well.”

Both of these tools allow you to let go and move on more quickly. We’ll
teach you how to harvest all those great life lessons you might have
missed in Clearing The Pathway.

So, let’s get back to this man you’re sitting across from. If he makes you
feel good, happy to be you and he gives you a sense that he’s a genuinely
good man, a loving, kind, considerate man, then you’re probably in good
hands.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

20

If he make you feel all a-twitter, like a schoolgirl spiraling out of control
with passionate attraction, causing you to lose your sense of control, that’s
not the wisest direction to go. Being out of your mind in love is not what
you should be going for, not if your goal is a solid, long-term relationship
that you can build a life around.

Yes, that all feels great, we’ve been there, but you know those wonderful
feelings always, always wear off. Then you’ve gotten too deeply involved –
most likely had sex way too soon – and you then go about “trying” to make
it work… knowing all the while that it really won’t.

We want you to be smart, we want you not to waste your time and
emotional energy on the wrong man and, more important, we don’t want
you to miss that great guy that might be your perfect match simply
because he hasn’t got you panting like a dewy-eyed puppy. So when you
meet someone new, start noticing if he’s someone who will add to your life
and inspire you to continue to grow and flourish into the magnificent
woman you are meant to be.

Things to think about:

What feelings should you look for that would help you determine whether
or not you should go on another date with a man?








What “bad” feelings have you ignored in the past and how has that caused
you unhappiness?

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

21

How can this chapter help you, starting now, be smarter and pay more
attention to the bad feelings that you’ve ignored in the past?










Courses that will help you date smarter:

• What Do You Really Want (10 Steps To Manifesting Your Ideal

Relationship and Recognizing Mr. Right When You Meet Him)

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

22

Chapter 5

Don’t Waste Your Time or His

Every moment spent in trying to build a relationship with the

wrong man is a moment unavailable to everything you want.

There are several “Dating Time Wasters” that keep you from stepping onto
the path that will take you where you want to go.

One, of course, is getting involved with the wrong man. We’ve all done it
at least once. Either we dated him for too long, we moved in with him or
we married him. Maybe we didn’t know how to stop it, maybe we were
impressed with how he looked “on paper,” or maybe we decided this guy
would do for now… and then “for now” ended up being a year or two. So
this one is pretty obvious.

Another one that might not be as obvious is when we have sex too soon.
When we have intercourse with a man, what they call the “bonding
hormone” starts coursing through our bodies and we become attached,
even when we don’t want to. Have you ever had sex with a man you
weren’t at all interested in seeing again, but then, the next day, you found
yourself wondering, “Well, why hasn’t he called?” The moment we have
intercourse we get emotionally bonded. When this happens we get
blinded, keeping us from seeing clearly who he is and what kind of man he
really is, how he makes us feel, basically all those things we’ve talked
about so far.

When should you have sex? That’s always the big question, isn’t it? Well,
we encourage you to put it off as long as possible. If you’re going to err,
err on the “wait too long” side rather than the “didn’t wait long enough.”
You can’t fix the “didn’t wait long enough” side of it because once you
cross over into that territory, what’s done is done. Women who try to back
off have a very hard time making their case. And men have some funny
ideas about a woman who has sex “too soon.”

Are you ready for this? If you have sex too soon it’s likely that he’ll think,
“Rats, I thought she might have been ‘the one.’” Men like to think that
you’re extremely selective about who you sleep with. If you sleep with him
too soon, no matter how loudly you cry, “I never do this kind of thing,” he
won’t believe you. That’s why, often, after a woman sleeps with a man, he
never calls again, no matter how great the sex might have been. Yes, it’s
a double standard, but it is what it is and you need to know this stuff if
you’re going to negotiate a path to your ideal relationship.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

23

Give yourself time to discover his inner qualities, be sure he makes you
feel great and treats you with total respect and that he enjoys making you
happy. If you want to have sex with him, and he wants to have sex with
you, but you want to wait just a bit longer, then if he truly is interested in
developing a long-term relationship with you, he’ll respect you enough to
wait.

You can tell him something to the effect of: “I’m unbelievably attracted to
you, and I think it will be wonderful when we finally make love, but I’m just
not quite ready, I need a bit more time.” That way you let him know it has
nothing to do with how attractive he is to you, just that you want to take a
little more time to get to know him better. He may not like it, but he’ll
respect you. And if he doesn’t want to respect your wishes, thank
goodness you find out before sex happens.

Another thing women do is date someone casually while they “think”
they’re looking. The problem is, if you’re involved with someone else,
especially if you’re having sex, your energy is with the man you’re dating
(even though that‘s not your intention) which makes you invisible to other
men. Men pick up on a woman’s energy when she’s available. She puts
out a variety of signals, probably most that no one is consciously aware of.
To be available to meet a man you need to be completely available.

Things to think about:

When have you wasted your time or his by dating a man you knew wasn’t
what you were looking for? Why did you do this – what did you hope to
gain?

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

24

How can this chapter help you stay on a more direct path toward your goal
of a relationship that goes far beyond anything you’ve had in the past?

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

25

Chapter 6

Go Ahead, Make His Day

With very little effort you can be the best woman he’s ever met.

When a woman is looking for a serious, long-term partner, it’s not
uncommon for her to focus on herself. She pays a lot of attention to how
she looks and how attractive she is to the men she meets. She’s
concerned with what attributes he brings to the table. She assumes he’s
going to make arrangements for the date and will pay for everything.
Sadly, with so much going on both internally and externally, she often
forgets to think about what he’s feeling, thinking and needing.

In our years of working with women we’ve learned that this self-focused
behavior is more common than not. It’s actually quite understandable,
because dating is so filled with so much insecurity and such high
expectations. But, if you want to stand out as an exceptional woman
compared to most of the women pretty much every man has dated, here’s
what you need to know.

After hundreds of interviews with men we’ve learned a thing or two. One of
the very most important things you should know is that “a man wants to be
with a woman who makes him feel like a man.” This, actually, is the key to
his heart. If you can do that you’re so far ahead of the game that he’s
going to try his best to make you “the one.”

Of course, on a first or second date, there’s only so much you can do. But
you can do enough to cause him to notice that you’re not only different
than most of the women he’s met, you’re special.

Let’s clear away some Emotional Plaque™ that might be getting in the
way of your willingness to do what we’re going to ask you to do. You see,
an awful lot of women, certainly, in our estimation, over 50% of them, have
a chip on their shoulder when it comes to men. Yes, men do rule the
business world, where you spend a lot of your time and energy. We know
this but if you want to create a deeply loving, fulfilling relationship, you
need to let go of this nagging insult. That kind of thinking and knee-jerk
reaction to men has no place in the romantic arena.

In our course, Hidden Secrets To Winning His Heart, you’ll learn about the
“soft underbelly” of men, those hidden emotional secrets that they hide…
not only from you but from themselves as well.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

26

We don’t have room to go into as much detail as we’re dying to share with
you, but one thing that will help in this short e-book is that men have
nowhere to go to let down their guard and simply feel. They’ve been
taught since they were little boys to “be tough, don’t cry, get back out
there, don’t be a sissy, be a man.” Consequently they’ve become experts
at ignoring their feelings. So they need you, badly, to give them that safe
place to be themselves.

On the first or second date, the simplest way to show him that you have a
warm heart and make him feel like a man is to show a little appreciation
and an occasional compliment. Men don’t need much so offering him
sincere appreciation is a big percentage of what will make him happy to be
with you. And because men rarely get complimented, they soak it up, like
rain on a parched desert.

Here are some ideas for how to stand out as an exceptional woman:

• Wherever he takes you, let him know what you like about the place

or the idea of it.

• If wherever he takes you isn’t your cup of tea, don’t be dishonest,

but do find a few things to appreciate. You don’t want to lead him
on by making him think you like something he does when you don’t.
If you do this, he’ll assume you’re a fan and take you to that type of
place often.

• When he opens the car door for you – let’s hope he does – let him

know how much you appreciate being with a gentleman.

Note: If you’ve had that chip on your shoulder about men and think it’s
archaic for men to open a lady’s door, let it go. He’s been taught that it’s a

An example: “What a fun idea to take me to the observatory.
How did you happen to think of it?” (Then while you’re there,
let him know you’re happy to be there… with him.)

An example: “I’m not much of a hiker, but it is nice being here
with you where it’s so easy for us to talk. And the nature is
beautiful.”

An example: “It’s so nice to be treated like a lady. I really
appreciate what a gentleman you are. Thank you.”

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

27

show of respect and we hope that being respected is high on your list of
what you’re looking for in a man.

• When he takes you out to dinner let him know you think it’s a great

choice and let him know how much you’re enjoying your meal. (DO
NOT complain about anything unless something is awful. Then, let
him be your hero by asking if he’d mind telling the waiter you need
something changed.)

We hope you’re getting the idea. He’s going out of his way to impress you
and hopefully, make you feel taken care of. And remember, appreciation
of even the little things he does, especially if you know he’s gone to some
effort and it could be easily missed, will definitely make you stand out as
an exceptional woman in his eyes. You’ll learn lots more about how to
become a treasure to any man in the Hidden Secrets To His Heart course
that we mentioned above.

Now let’s look at compliments. Women compliment each other all the time.
We like it but we’re more used to it. Men rarely get compliments. So when
they get one, they really notice. Compliment him on his sport coat by
telling him you like the color, fabric or fit. Compliment him on his tie but
say more than, “I like your tie.” Tell him why you like it; the color, the
pattern, or the fabric. Compliment him on his shoes if he’s wearing sexy
shoes. Or simply an enthusiastic, “Wow, you look fantastic in that suit
(outfit)!” will cause him to smile and puff up a bit.

Compliment him on his car by telling him how sexy or luxurious it is,
depending on what statement the car is trying to make. If he chose the
wine, compliment him on his selection, then tell him that you’re impressed
that he knows wine. If he does you’ll see his pride spark up and if he
doesn’t, he’ll put his abilities down. You can counter with, “Well, you could
have fooled me.”

Some women resent being told to do these kinds of things because of that
danged feminist chip on their shoulder. So let’s turn things around. How
do you feel about the fact that we’re telling the men to compliment and
appreciate you, to notice any extra effort you’ve gone to? Of course you
think that’s a good idea and essential training for any man. Well, it goes
both ways. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed and most men
don’t get much of either.

An example: “I really like that you chose this restaurant. I’ve
always wanted to come here. Now I know why. Their food is really
wonderful. Thank you for this great treat.”

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

28

By the way, if it’s obvious that he gets compliments regularly about
something –like maybe that he’s handsome – look for something less
obvious, but that you think he might be proud of. You’ll really get his
attention for that kind of attention to who he is. Remember what we said
earlier – one of the most important attributes men seek in a woman is that
she makes him feel like a man. He doesn’t know this and he wouldn’t be
able to tell you that it’s important to him. But we came to this conclusion
after talking to hundreds of men. Now, when we ask them if this is
important, they always, always give us a resounding, “Absolutely!”

How good or bad have you been at appreciating and complimenting men
in the past?









What can you do, starting right now, to appreciate and compliment your
next date? How can you remember to pay attention and do so at least a
couple of times while you’re with him?









Courses that will help you develop the art of appreciation:

• Communicate Your Way To A Great Relationship

• The Hidden Secrets To Winning His Heart

• Creating Rapport That Leads To More

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

29

Chapter 7

Zip It

Talking too much will kill his interest in a great big hurry.

If you’re naturally talkative, this is going to be difficult but essential to learn
if you want to start having more success with men. But even if you’re more
cogent in how you communicate, you need to know that men need fewer
words.

This is not news to most women. Yes, we know that men say less and
generally speak more slowly. But in order to actually change some habits,
it will be helpful to understand at a deeper level the differences between
how men and women communicate.

Have you ever had a man say to you, “Can you just get to the point?” Most
of us have and we’re usually offended by it. But what’s going on is at the
core of how differently men and women communicate. Women talk to
connect. What they say is not as important as connecting, heart-to-heart.
Women do something that we call meandering. They may have a topic
they wish to discuss, but if they don’t get to it, because they covered so
many other topics, that’s okay. They’ll get to it next time.

This drives men nuts. When we go on and on, about every detail – we do
love the details – they start to crawl the walls. They need to know the point
of what you’re trying to say. But you’re simply wanting to connect. Can you
see how this can be a big problem for most men and women?

That’s one reason not to talk too much. Another is because you’ll end up
talking about a lot of things that he doesn’t find interesting. And that’s kind
of rude, don’t you think? If you’re talking too much you’re also likely to
forget to be present with him. You’ll miss the subtle messages that he’s
transmitting. You won’t get to know him and if you’re talking just to be
talking, it’s possible that you’re talking about surface stuff, instead of
giving him information about who you are.

But you might be doing the opposite and saying way too much about your
personal details. The first few dates you absolutely do not want scare him
off by telling him all the gory details about your ex relationships, how crazy
you get during your period, what crazy things you’ve done, etc. He needs
to know that you’re sane and well balanced. He’s most likely been in at
least one relationship where the woman was a bit wacko. You don’t want
him to think you are because that scares men badly enough that they will
often, more likely usually, not want to see you again.

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

30

Another reason you should talk less is because if you’re talking a mile a
minute, you’re not listening. And did you know the number one thing that
makes someone a great conversationalist is being a great listener? Part of
being a great listener is first asking great questions, then, depending on
what the other person is saying, ask more great questions. Learn to say,
“Tell me more” and you’ll be a real pleasure for any man to talk with.

The best guideline to use is to be a lady. Be yourself but be the most
feminine version of yourself. Dazzle him with your “inner beauty” and he’ll
be very interested in all that you have to say.

As you become more aware of what you say, how well you listen, how
men respond to what you say and how to ask great questions, you’ll stand
out among other women as being intelligent, considerate, interested and
interesting. All qualities that men are impressed with.

We have three courses that will help you develop great skills in the art of
communicating with men:

• Create The Perfect Merger, How To Use Your Professional Skills

To Date With More Confidence

• Communicate Your Way To A Great Relationship

• Creating Rapport That Leads To More

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

31

Chapter 8

It’s Not “All About You”

If we can’t see things from the other person’s perspective,

we’re missing out on a lot of important information.

We are all the center of our world. That’s a normal perspective. But
sometimes, we get so caught up in seeing things from our own
perspective that we forget to notice what someone else might be thinking
or feeling. If you always take into consideration what the other person’s
perspective is, you’ll be much better at creating rapport, avoiding
disagreements and being compassionate… all good things when it comes
to building a relationship.

Men are very different in how they see the world, how they respond to it
and what they expect from it. We can’t even begin to tell you the things
we’ve learned about men here. There’s simply not enough space. We’ve
already touched on some of the differences, like how and why men and
women talk but there are many other differences that cause a great deal
of disharmony.

Because women are more intuitive and more connected to matters of the
heart there’s often an assumption that we know better than men when it
comes to the topic of relationships and love. Men feel very deeply, but in a
different way than women do. They are biologically driven to make their
woman happy so your happiness impacts their sense of self worth as a
man. To them, failure is death. Men commit suicide more often than
women do and many times, it has to do with a failure in his work or a
failure at love. Remember, we told you that men have no outlet for their
feelings. They’ve been taught not express them so they often feel like
there’s nowhere they can go to get help.

Another reason it’s good to see things from a man’s perspective is when
you only see everything through the lens of what you know and believe,
there are lots of opportunities to then misinterpret what’s going on
between you. You can misread subtle signals, you can get hurt or angry,
when there’s really no basis for it… just misunderstanding.

Another reason to learn what a man’s thinking and how he sees the world
is that you can communicate more effectively. When you can “speak his
language” you will be better understood. He will be open to what you have
to say and your conversations will be much more fruitful. And if you want
to get great at getting a man to open up, you will absolutely love our Heart
Scan Technique. It’s the most effective way to learn what’s really going on

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

32

inside a man’s heart and soul. You can use this technique to find out what
his hopes and fears are and what he cares most deeply about. The Heart
Scan Technique only works when he knows you well enough to trust you,
but it’s a powerful tool when the time is right. And because he’s so hungry
for a safe place to express himself, you’ll become like a lifeline for him. It’s
a special place to be.

If you’ve never consciously tried to see things from a man’s perspective, it
will help for you to take one course in particular:

• The Hidden Secrets To His Heart

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

33

Chapter 9

Keep Your Wits About You

When we can’t think straight, everything gets crooked.

Alcohol is the great stupidifier. We talk about this topic in the 15 Dating
Mistakes special report that you’ve hopefully already read. If not, there’s a
link below. Since this ebook is about improving your dating skills, it might
seem a bit odd for us to be discussing this topic, but drinking too much not
only makes you unattractive, it makes you stupid.

Paige doesn’t drink so she prefers to tell you not to drink at all. I like one,
“ONE” glass of red wine with dinner. We say this so you know our
particular prejudices. More than one glass of wine, or one margarita,
martini, or any other hard liquor drink will cause you to not be able to
follow all the suggestions above. The bigger problem with the “fun” hard
liquor drinks is that once you’ve had one, you’re almost always going to
have another. And once you’ve had another, you’ll possibly go for a third.
That, my dear, puts you into the great big arena of “MISTAKE” and pretty
much no chance with the guy you’re with. Getting drunk is what we call
“ugly” behavior and men don’t like ugly… ever.

So, here’s why you should hold the drinking down to none or only one
glass of wine:

• You won’t be able to show him your best stuff.

• You won’t be able to be present with him.

• You won’t be able to control of what you talk about and most likely

you’ll get into the “how awful your exes have been” conversation.

• You won’t be able to feel the subtleties of how he makes you feel

and you’ll more likely be swept off your feet because he’s so great
looking or rich.

• You won’t be the gracious lady who can let a man feel appreciated

because drinking too much makes it all about you.

• You will more likely say yes to sex and not care, or notice that he’s

not the right man with whom to consider a long-term relationship.

• You won’t be able to see things from his perspective, because,

again, when you drink too much it becomes “all about you.”

We really, really want you to be successful at achieving all your
relationship goals. We know you want to be smart or you wouldn’t have
hired a matchmaker. We also know that dating when you’re older is more
challenging because you’re wiser and have seen enough of life to know

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

34

you don’t want to make any more mistakes. Allowing alcohol to fuzz your
brain is not going to help you get to where you want to go. So be smart, be
sharp, be a lady he’ll respect and dazzle him with your magnificence. You
want him to be thinking of you the next day for all the right reasons, not
because he’s still in shock or worse, ashamed to have been seen with
you.

• • • • •

We hope you’ll be able to incorporate some of this new thinking into how
you behave on your future dates. The key to getting better results,
improving your outcome and achieving all your relationship goals is to
become more aware of what you’re doing. That’s the only way you’ll begin
to date smarter. Smart dating incorporates your ability to know:

1.

What you want in both a relationship and a man

2.

How to get past the outer wrapping and in to the gift that he very
well might be

3.

How to create a true heart-to-heart connection

4.

How to show up as your brightest, most beautiful self

5.

How to be in the moment, in the now

6.

How to let go of past hurts and see what possibilities might be
sitting right in front of you

7.

How to go for the good and say no to the bad – no matter how
impressive he is “on paper”

8.

How to avoid being swept away by the wrong man

9.

How to be a gracious lady who enjoys making him feel good

10.

How to communicate with clear, concise confidence

11.

How to see things from his perspective

12.

How to avoid blowing it and making a fool out of yourself with
too much alcohol

To learn more about our courses mentioned throughout this e-book, take
our Dating Success Quiz and download the free special report, 15 Dating
Mistakes, you can follow this link:

http://www.DatingSuccessTechnology.com

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

35

In This Regard… It Is All About You

Life Enhancing / Personal Growth

Resources

There is no more fascinating adventure than

discovering and enhancing your magnificence.

We have 3 ways to help you prepare to date with confidence and ease.
We want you to feel fully supported as you launch your search for your
ideal partner. We will be here for you, every step of the way.

Courses:
With our courses you will develop the confidence and skills to date more
successfully so you can and finally attracting the man of your dreams. The
best value is our 7 Steps To Dating Success 7-course packages. It’ s
designed to cover everything you need to have a relationship that goes far
beyond anything you’ve experienced before. You can also order each
course individually but the best value, by far, is the full package.

Membership:
With the Membership Forum you can ask questions and get advice from
one of us within 24 hours, usually much less. We want you to be
successful. Part of what you get with the courses is us, guiding you along
the path toward your ideal relationship with your ideal man. We want you
to be successful and we will be there for you… every step of the way.

Here is a list of our courses – including the Special Topics courses – and
the description of what you’ll get with the 7 Steps To Dating Success
package (courses also available individually):

Course module topics:

1. Let The Real You Shine Through – How To Be Happier

And More Attractive To Every Man You Meet

2. What Do You Really Want? – 10 Steps To Manifesting

Your Ideal Relationship and Your Ideal Partner

3. Create the Perfect Merger – How To Use Your

Professional Skills To Date With More Confidence

4. Communicate Your Way To A Great Relationship –

Learn To Communicate With Clarity and Confidence

5. The Hidden Secrets To Winning His Heart – How To

Understand Men So You Can Attract The Man Of Your
Dreams

~ 9 Ways To Instantly Improve Your Dating Skills ~

36

6.

Creating Rapport That Leads To More – How To Use
Rapport Skills To Improve All Your Relationships

Special Topics course offerings

- To help you on your path to

your ideal relationship:

1. How To Become a “10” – A 21-Step Program To Help

You Improve Your Dating Success Score and Become More
Attractive To Every Man You Meet

2. Clear the Pathway To Love – How To Quit Letting the

Past Get In the Way Of Love

3. Stop the Blocks To Love – How To Release Old Scars

and Get On With Your Life

4. A Spiritual Opening To Love – How To Create A More

Profound Connection With Your Partner

5. Awaken Your Sexy, Sensual You – How To Develop

New Confidence As A Lover

7 Steps To Dating Success 7-Course Package- What you'll
get:

1. A binder to be used to organize course materials
2. The printed materials for each of the 7 courses, packed

individually as stand-alone modules

3. A CD of each module so you can listen on-the-go and

reinforce what you’re learning

4. Weekly training teleseminars
5. Teleseminar calls available to listen to at your convenience

or to download onto an MP3 player

6. Weekly Q & A sessions with Kara or Paige
7. For members only: Private 15-minute phone sessions with

Kara, first-come-first-serve

8. For members only: A forum where you can ask questions

and within 24 hours, Kara or Paige will post an answer