Intuitive Sex

The Subtle Art

of No-Pressure

Seduction

by

Andrew Levitt-Jackson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval

system, used in a spreadsheet, or transmitted in any form or by means—electronic,

mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the permission of Fretful

Stir Publications, LLC.

Copyright © 2002 Fretful Stir Publications, LLC

Fretful Stir Publications, LLC

P.O. Box 1402

New York City, NY 10163

Introduction

Finding, meeting and falling in love with a woman may seem a matter of out-of-

control circumstances—something that only comes easily to those with extreme luck or

extreme good looks (or both). This is not necessarily true.

Meeting a woman and getting her phone number may seem a matter of extreme

skill, as though there are men out there who know exactly what to say and do in order to

trigger attraction in a woman. This is certainly not true.

Let me be more specific. In this guide, I outline a sure way any man can find a

woman to be with. If you think you've already found that woman, this guide will teach

you how you can become more than just her friend. (If you already have someone in

mind whom you want to seduce, please do not skip to the later chapters about

seduction. You need to read the chapters about how to meet people so you know

whether or not your plans for seduction will be successful.)

The premise is simple: Your own brain knows a lot more than you think it

does. This guide will teach you how to tap into the natural intuition we were all born

with, so your gut will act like a divining rod, pointing you only in the direction of women

you want to be with and who will say "yes" to you.

You will learn how to expand your dating sphere so you don't have to waste your

time in noisy and intimidating singles environments, and how to structure your life so

that your intuition will lead you to the best pool of women to pick from.

Once you know how to zero in on the right woman, you will learn how to get

yourself into her life without having to "break the ice," and without her knowing that you

are trying to seduce her. While you're spending time with her, you will begin to witness a

series of obvious signs which indicate that she is interested. She will become the one

who is "auditioning" to be your lover.

And then you will make your move with confidence.

This book is divided into two sections. The first will focus on freeing your intuition

so you can find the right woman. The second will focus on how to employ No-Pressure

seduction so that you can turn the tables on her.

As you read this guide, I hope you appreciate the uniqueness of its approach. I

can't tell you how many women I have spoken with who have told me that the dating

world would be a much better place if all men were to read what I am about to share

with you. So be excited. You are making a major leap today. And the women who will

soon fill your life will be grateful for it.

Part One

The Power of Intuition

Chapter One

The Three-part Brain

Now let me get a little scientific. Bear with me. This will help you:

The human brain is divided into three separate parts. The first part, the reptilian

brain, is called that because it is no more evolved than a reptile's brain. It sits at the

base of the spine and controls our most basic, animalistic actions: motor functions,

erections, facial expressions, certain emotions like rage, lust, being startled and so on.

The second part is the limbic brain. The limbic brain evolved only in mammals. It

controls the rest of our emotions (love, nostalgia, etc.), but most importantly, it is our

intuition center. This is the most important piece of equipment in our brains when it

comes to the dating world. Ironically, it's the most neglected part as well.

The third part, the one that most distinctly sets us apart from the rest of the animal

world, is our overdeveloped neocortical brain. Among other things, the neocortex

gives us rational, abstract thought and language.

In an oversimplified sense, our limbic brain is our heart (or gut) and our neocortex

is our brain (or head). And our reptilian brain is really the little brain women constantly

accuse men of thinking with. The conflicts we all have between our heart and our head

come from the fact that these two brains evolved at different times, and speak different

languages. They communicate between each other very poorly. They are even

constructed differently.

For example, there was a time in our evolutionary history when we only had a

limbic brain and a reptilian center. Something would happen and we would react with

pure instinct. Millions of years later, we evolved a neocortex, but it didn't replace the old

brain, it just moved in next door and did it's best to be a good neighbor. Nowadays, the

limbic brain responds to events just like it used to when we were furry and four-legged,

but our neocortex stops us and ponders the significance of this event, interprets it, and

chooses how we will respond. And often, these brains disagree about how to proceed.

Thus we have the conflict between our head and our heart.

In matters of attraction and love, which should we listen to?

It is often thought that matters of the heart are base or unrefined. Like Freud's Id,

they need to be reigned in by the rational power of the mind, or neocortex. But modern

science has uncovered that the limbic brain has significant abilities which go far beyond

pure emotionality. The limbic brain, or heart, seems to know things without trying to

know them.

A very simple example of your limbic brain doing some complicated and intuitive

work on its own is the act of crossing the street. You see a car coming, but you know

you can still make it across the street. You choose a pace at which to cross, keep your

eye on the approaching vehicle, adjust your pace if that vehicle's speed changes, and

then cross to the other side.

Let's say that when you get to the other side, a man greets you and asks "how did

you know you could cross the street just then?" How will you answer? You will probably

say "I saw that I could make it, so I went." You might even get technical and say

"judging by the speed at which the approaching vehicle passed a few landmarks I am

familiar with, I was able to estimate its approximate speed. I then determined that it

would be safe to cross."

Here you have used your logical mind to explain something that happened in your

intuitive mind. And this is a perfect example of how little our logical minds know or even

can know about the goings on in our intuitive minds. Your intuitive mind drew from

millions of past experiences as you stood on the curb and watched the traffic, it

calculated the speed of the oncoming vehicle, estimated the speed you would need to

travel should you cross, and so on. It did the work of a very sophisticated computer.

But if you tried to use your logical mind (with calculator, pen and paper in hand) in

order to cross the street, you would fail miserably. Even a genius in physics couldn't

make the calculations fast enough to get you across the street in time.

There have also been many studies which examined the accuracy of intuitive

impressions based on facial characteristics. If you take a group of people and have

them rate themselves with a simple personality test, and then have a group of strangers

view photographs of these people, and then have those strangers rate the personalities

of the people in the photographs with the same simple test, you will find that the

strangers guesses correlate with a person's self-assessment about a third of the time.

That's much higher than any random guessing. Something is going on there. But if you

asked these ordinary people why they guessed what they guessed about each

photograph, hardly any answers would be alike. The fact is, these people who are

guessing a person's personality accurately just by looking at a photograph do not know

how they are doing it. Just like we don't really know what's going on in our heads when

we're crossing the street.

One more example: A group of researchers once invented a phony weather-

prediction system. A subject would watch a series of strange shapes that would flash on

a computer screen, and then they would be told what that pattern meant in terms of the

hypothetical weather that was to come.

After viewing this for a while, the subjects were asked to try to predict the weather

based on these shapes that would flash on the screen. The program which these

researchers devised was incredibly complex but not random. It had a logic to it, just a

logic so intricate that it would (again) have taken a sophisticated code-cracking

computer to decode it.

However, after being exposed to these patterns only about fifty times, and being

asked to guess what the outcome would be, the subjects began to guess the proper

weather condition 70% of the time. Then, when they were asked to explain why, they

were either at a complete loss or they were completely wrong. And when these people

were wrong, their success rates would plummet after they began to consciously apply

the rules they assumed governed those predictions.

This is because our logical minds are not super-computers. Our intuitions,

however, are.

How do these facts apply to you? Our intuitions are aware of something when we

see a face, but when we try to explain it we are using a different part of our brain. We

are again suffering from a conflict between our instinct and our logical mind.

This power of your intuitive brain is what will lead you to the right woman.

The principle in this guide is simple. You don't employ a technique to get a woman. You

don't look for someone who is simply the most attractive woman in a bar, or someone

who is "in your league" and then unleash some silly pre-planned pick-up maneuver on

her. So what do you do? Read on...

Chapter Two

The Four Levels of Attraction

The first thing you need to learn from this guide is how to tell the difference

between your intuitive brain and your logical brain, and why listening to your intuitive

brain is so important when it comes to finding a good woman.

Let's start with the why.

There are four layers to human attraction that we're going to focus on in this guide:

1. Universal Appeal

2. Experiential Bias

3. Personal Appeal

4. Biological Connection

Universal Appeal

Men are hard-wired to find basically two things sexually appealing:

1. a clear, symmetrical face

2. a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7

This is the domain of the most primitive area of our brain—the reptilian brain. So

men, our inner lizard will find any woman who possesses these things universally

attractive to some degree.

Here are some simple examples:

Universally attractive waist-to-hip ratio:

Not universally attractive waist-to-hip-

ratio:

Universally attractive clear and

symmetrical face:

Asymmetrical, unclear face:

Any man would agree that the images on the left are more universally appealing

than the images on the right. But attraction is never this simple—universal attraction is

only a foot in the door and something most of us are blinded by. Don't let your inner

lizard rule your dating life.

Basically, when a woman walks by us with somewhere close to a 0.7 waist-to-hip

ratio and a clear and symmetrical face, the most primitive part of our brain is alerted to

the fact that she is healthy of body and mind and likely fertile. Our reproductive instincts

kick in and we are attracted on a purely reptilian level.

But if you stop here, you could wind up with anyone. Or, more likely, you could

approach someone and be rejected. It is vitally important to understand that a very large

number of women have the above characteristics—and some are considered more

universally appealing than others. But these traits say nothing about their personalities

nor do they say anything at all about your compatibility with them.

All men must be fully aware that they are inadvertently aroused all day long by a

slew of women who fall into this category. And the more symmetry their body possesses

(in other words, add breasts which balance off the hips, perfectly formed and

proportioned legs, etc.) the more blinded by these cues men will be. Not to mention the

fact that there are cultural preferences that add other elements to universal appeal,

further complicating the matter—for instance, blonde hair, blue eyes, large breasts,

overt thinness, or a combination of all of the above.

These factors are burned into another part of our brain, but interfere in the same

way.

With this guide, you will learn how to be more discerning, so you don't waste your

time approaching women who merely satisfy this first type of attraction alone.

If universal attraction is all you are interested in, and compatibility isn't a concern

for you, you may think this book won't be so helpful; however, I want you to give the

value of compatibility a second consideration.

Why am I dwelling on compatibility so much? It really has less to do with finding

the right person as it does finding the person who won't say no. So even if all you're

interested in is a one-night stand, you'll want to use these techniques so you can hone

in on the woman who will say yes. Otherwise you will be forced to strike out frequently

until you luck out and find someone who will go home with you. Using your intuition will

save you a lot of time and even more embarrassment.

Experiential Bias

The concept is simple: Human beings cannot experience things properly without

an appropriate frame of context. So in any given situation, we are drawing on our past

experiences in order to understand the current one.

As a result, it's no wonder we find ourselves drawn to people who remind us of our

biggest heart-break, or attracted to people on television who resemble a painful crush.

Though this type of attraction may feel very emotional, it is only our memory at

work, and sometimes our logical mind as well. It is the part of our mind which searches

for context in order to experience.

In general, it is probably best to avoid people who remind us of former loves and

even to avoid developing types. This is a chaotic world filled with billions of individuals.

Once you start oversimplifying and categorizing the people to whom you are attracted,

your logical mind will begin interfering with your instincts. Do not trust your attraction to

people who resemble your ghosts. That is most likely a ghost issue, not an attraction

issue.

Conversely, you may decide for many reasons that you refuse to date women who

are taller than you, or who are white or black—or whatever. It is just as important to let

go of these negative preconceptions as well.

The "woman of your dreams" may look nothing like you expect her to look, nor

anything like the homeroom crush whom you always thought you deserved to marry.

Beware of Ghosts

A number of years ago, I dated a crazy woman with

amazing sex-appeal. To make a very long story short,

it didn't work out and we had to break up. But the great

sex and the intensity of the thing left its mark because

our affair ended before any of the passion died down.

Since then, I have to watch myself because if I see

anyone who looks like her, I am immediately drawn.

A few years after she and I split, I met a much younger

woman who resembled that crazy, sexy ex-lover. I had

to work with the younger woman on a project, and felt

myself incredibly drawn to her. I couldn't get over the

resemblance—when I was around her, I had a really

difficult time maintaining my cool.

After a few weeks of working closely with her (and

luckily maintaining my cool), I finally noticed that this

woman was actually pretty uninteresting, nothing like

my crazy ex-, devoutly religious (and even a virgin),

and I'm sad to say she was as dumb as sack of

hammers. Beyond some of the physical characteristics

this younger woman shared with my ex-, there was

absolutely nothing about her that interested me.

My brain was playing tricks.

Personal Appeal

Personal appeal is the physiological response we feel when we see a pretty face

and yet we feel more than just a simple attraction. It's as far as you can go with a

photograph.

A less-than-widely-accepted practice known as Personology has existed since

the 1930's. It is the study of the human face as a physical reflection of our personalities.

People who subscribe to this field of study claim that they can detect certain

personality traits by examining a person's facial characteristics. They have made quite a

science out of it, coming up with corresponding traits for the exact alignment of one's

eyes, the shape of the mouth and its distance from the chin, and even the thickness of

one's hair.

This may surprise you, but although I believe we can discern things about

someone's personality by looking at their face, I do not believe in Personology. To me,

Personology requires an over-reliance on the logical mind—a type of interpretation that

can only cloud your intuition, as studies have proven.

In my experience, there is always something intangible and indescribable about

one person's draw to another. And as soon as you begin even to describe this feeling,

you change it and corrupt it.

Furthermore, there is something all too subjective going on in our brains when we

are truly attracted to another person. To imply that there are universal indicators of

which we are all aware is a bit like dream interpretation—another "science" I'm skeptical

of. I have always wondered, for example, since water is supposed to symbolize life in

everyones' dreams, whether it will still represent life even to the aquaphobe who can't

swim?

Do you remember the examples of your intuitive brain at work from chapter one?

Crossing the street, guessing personality traits from photos, predicting the

weather—these things are all done by using your intuitive brain. And the intuitive brain

is precisely the piece of super hardware which will be able to discern that a person you

have just seen for the first time is compatible with you, before you have even spent any

time together.

How can we tell that this is working? Our brains have been doing it since we were

kids. Once you wipe out the influences of universal attraction and experiential bias,

what's left is pure, real attraction—the stuff of our intuitive brain.

The fact that you can't put words to the reaction you have when you see someone

to whom you are particularly drawn is not important. What is important is that you have

this intuitive capability which tells you very important things about your compatibility with

others. You don't need to be able to explain anything about a personality by looking at a

face, but something in your brain knows when it looks at a woman's face that your

personality and her personality might mesh nicely.

At this point we do not understand how or why this happens, but we know that it

does, and that's all that will matter to you.

Photo Opportunity

In college, someone wrote an article about me

because I had written a play that was being produced

by the school's theater club (I fancied myself a

playwright at the time). A female student whom I'd

never met before had read the article, was attracted to

my photograph, and decided that she wanted to meet

me. (It should be stated for the record that I'm a pretty

average-looking guy. Something about me just made

her curious.)

She approached me for conversation at a campus

event and we talked about the article and my play. I

felt an immediate familiarity with her and was aware

that there was something there. Within the first three

minutes of the conversation, we were discussing what

we wanted out of life and out of a lover. And within

fifteen minutes, I had her phone number and we made

plans.

What had happened was she saw something in my

face in that photograph which clicked with her. As

soon as she approached me, I felt that same click.

Without any time spent near each other, we

immediately knew that we each wanted to know more

about the other.

What's even more exciting than any of this is that it is a one-way process! In other

words, you don't need to worry about whether or not a woman will be interested in you.

If you are fully in touch with your instincts and you select a woman without bias, you can

be assured right from the start that (as long as you don't do anything stupid or crazy),

your approach will likely be successful—that is, if you and she make it to the next layer

of attraction...

Biological Connection

Although you may find a person attractive, there also could be something in one of

your biological makeups that might prevent you from getting together.

Science points to two biological factors which are vital to this level of attraction:

pheromones and a limbic connection. It appears that we need one or both of these

things to click if we are to attain a biological connection.

Pheromones

The first is all about baby-making. It is about how our genetic material would

match up in a hypothetical attempt to reproduce with this person, which governs this

type of biological connection.

Have you ever heard of pheromones? Men give them off and women give them

off. They are odorless but when you are in close proximity with a person of the opposite

sex, they are processed by the brain through your nose. Each of them carries personal

genetic information about you, and when someone's brain receives this information, it

determines how successfully your genes will mesh to make a new person. In this case it

will give your body a green light or a red light and whatever it is you are feeling, she is

feeling it too.

The good news is that men are not auditioning for this alone. Women are as well.

Your body will tell you when a woman would make a good genetic match, and that's

when you will get most aroused, feel most drawn to a woman, and generally feel the

same vibe from her.

A word should be said about those offers for bottled pheromones on the Internet.

Do not buy them! The premise itself is very scientifically improbable.

Whose pheromones are they supposedly bottling? If there really were a way to

bottle a person's pheromones and wear them, you would be giving off both your and

their genetic information simultaneously. And what good would that do you? It would

only give a confusing, mixed genetic message. Would it help if the pheromones

belonged to Brad Pitt? Not necessarily. Despite the fact that he's considered universally

attractive to most women doesn't say anything about his genetic information.

Everyone gives off pheromones. Let your own do the work they're supposed to do.

And don't buy into the notion that some generic, supposed pheromones can trigger a

sexual response in a woman. It is simply not true. Pheromones simply carry genetic

information and if yours and hers are a good match, it will create a biological connection

you will both feel.

Pheromones are not Spanish Fly (and there is no such thing as Spanish Fly

either).

Photo Opportunity, Missed

Now, the second part of the above story is that this

woman and I only had one date. I mentioned that I was

attracted to her, and she to me, and that I felt very

comfortable around her, right? That was a personal

connection.

But in the end it turned out that an attempt to bring it to

another level failed to achieve the same sparks, and

after a few sloppy, awkward kisses it was obvious to

me that something was biologically amiss.

Limbic Connection

This is a complicated topic to get into without being too scientific but I will do my

best to keep it simple. Our intuitive brains store our memories and carry our emotions.

When we are in close proximity to others, our limbic brains will communicate in their

own way: through facial expressions, subtle movements and even the alignment of

certain body-functions (this type of connection is how women who live in close proximity

begin to have the same menstrual cycle).

This type of limbic communication is also why a conversation in person always

works better than it does via E-mail, or even the telephone. When you are face to face,

you are made aware of certain feelings that your partner has and her emotional

responses to the things you are saying. Limbic communication is what is going on when

two people are flirting without saying anything flirtatious—talking about the weather but

communicating much, much more.

Our personalities leave their marks in the physical structures of our limbic brains,

in the form of memories of experiences past. Our strongest experiences form our

deepest marks and these strong marks are virtually visible to the intuitions of others by

the most subtle behaviors in you.

Sound complicated? Well remember, you've got a super-computer at work that is

figuring all this stuff out for you, and it will alert you once it has made its findings.

For example, why will some be drawn to the same type over and over again, and

even pick them out across the proverbial crowded room?

Again, without getting too complicated here, if our face somehow holds the secrets

of certain simple personality traits, the limbic brain holds the much more complicated

secrets about our personalities. If her face is the cover of a book, her limbic brain is the

story inside.

This is still a very fast process. It requires close proximity and a little conversation.

You don't need to talk about anything in particular.

You've had this reaction before to new friends as well as lovers. It's the

inexplicable stuff that draws one personality to the next, and this happens (believe it or

not) on a biological level. This is the feeling you have with another person when you

simply "hit it off." You will be cued in to these women first by feeling personal

connection. Next, after close proximity and a brief conversation about anything, you will

know whether or not there are sparks.

Joan: A Limbic Connection

I've had a recent experience with someone whom I'll

refer to as Joan. Many of the experiences I've had with

her were text-book. I met Joan while doing freelance

work with a Chicago company. She was applying for a

job and I was asked to sit in on the interview. As soon

as she walked in, I was immediately attracted to her.

An experiential bias, however, interrupted my initial

enthusiasm and told me she was taller than I

am—something I don't like to go for. So I blew her off

as a potential date.

She got the job and I was working for that Company

for months and even got invited to a Christmas party

around that time. Joan was there. And I was surprised

to discover that she wasn't as tall as I'd thought she

was (but really, shame on me anyway for not following

my own advice and not letting my preconceptions

cloud my radar!)

As she approached me, I knew that I found her

attractive (personal connection), but I wasn't sure of

anything more. And we stood, eye-to-eye, drinks in

hand, and talked about the city, the job and not much

else. Within a minute, however, there was something

going on between us. Odd things began to turn me

on—the exposed nape of her neck, the skin around

her shoulder blades and the flush it would get when I

made her laugh. I kept feeling a huge impulse to lean

into her, and I couldn't help but notice that she didn't

mind me in her space.

It's funny because she and I are very different in a lot

of ways—she's more math-minded and I'm very right-

brained. She comes from money. My family was poor.

But the conversation didn't stop, the jokes never failed

and the more I knew about her, the more I wanted to

know and vice versa. It had limbic connection written

all over it. I played it very cool, and I emailed her a few

days later and asked if she wanted to go out to lunch.

Of course she said yes.

Putting it all Together

So why do men always feel like the ones who are auditioning? This has more to

do with the way a woman chooses her mates. Women are naturally more selective than

men and this hearkens back to the point about men being blinded by universal

attraction.

The thing about most women is that they are not so easily aroused. They have

much less to distract them than men do. They base their selection primarily on a man's

confidence, sense of humor, kindness and success, and then on his physical

attractiveness even if they notice his attractiveness first, which is usually the case. A

man can know in a split second that he is attracted to a woman. A woman can know this

too, but it affects her less. She will let that go if her primary criteria are not met.

In other words, women are naturally selective. Men must learn to be—because

men have the same mechanisms in their brains which will alert them to positive

compatibility.

Your goal is to get past universal attraction and experiential bias, and open

yourself up to your intuitive reaction to the personal appeal and the biological

connection you feel while spending time with her.

If you have done this, you will find, without question, that the woman you are

spending this time with feels the same for you. It's that simple.

Will it lead to marriage? That is not the subject of this book. But this is: Once you

make it to layer four, you are not alone.

Exceptions to the Rules

I like her. She doesn't like me.

If this is the case, either one of you has made a mistake in assessing your

intuition, or she is a neurotic mess who doesn't understand her feelings.

If you have ever found yourself drawn to someone who felt nothing for you, it is

most likely because you were hung up on her universal appeal, or you had an

experiential bias, or she had personal appeal but there was no biological connection. A

woman has fewer distractions so she is more in touch with the lacking biological

connection than your average man, so this type of relationship is unfortunately common

between a man and a woman.

But you will learn how to avoid this.

If she is a neurotic mess, she will be giving you mixed signals. Yes, these are

painful, aren't they?

One type of neurotic mess: If she is young and/or inexperienced, she may not

have learned the difference between feeling attracted to a man and enjoying the

attention a man gives her when he's attracted to her. In other words, some women flirt

because they like the attention and really, truly convince themselves that they are

attracted to you. These are the hardest to spot, because they believe they are being

honest with themselves. Look at her personality in general. Is she immature? Is she

often confused about other matters? Experiment with cutting off all the sexual attention

you give her. Does she suddenly get flirtatious? When you give her attention again,

does she shut down? If these things seem to be the case, I would advise staying away

from this person. Your intuition has failed you.

Another type of neurotic mess (the more mature version): She actually does

feel the same as you do but denies it for some reason. That's the domain of the neo-

cortex, (specifically, the frontal lobe). Her logical mind, based on some fear she has

created, will tell her that you are a big risk for some reason, and despite her feelings she

should stay away. The major and significant difference between these types of mixed

signals and the former example, is that this woman will not always shut down when you

flirt with her. Sometimes she will be swept away and flirt back, other times she will be

cold the moment you meet her that day, before any flirtation has occurred.

Joan: A Neurotic Mess

Let me tell you a bit more about Joan. Joan is a text-

book mature neurotic. If you do something that scares

her, or if she feels something that's maybe a bit too

intense for her, she won't tell you what she's feeling.

She won't try to work anything out. She's far too

narcissistic to want to involve her man in this decision.

She'll go off and ponder this stuff all alone, come to the

worst possible decision and then announce it one day

after you've bugged her about why she's acting like a

jerk.

Here's what happened: We went out on a few No-

Pressure dates, and things got pretty intense—though

not physical. She would give me every good signal in

this guide, and then the next time I saw her she'd be

cool and distant. I tested the waters. I would flirt and

not flirt. But sometimes she would welcome and return

my flirtation and other times she would be cool to it,

and my shutting my flirtation off never seemed to affect

her more than making her mildly insecure.

After spending a lot of No-Pressure time together, I

decided to ask her why she was being strange (in fact,

I think that night she was being downright rude. If she

hadn't been so hot, I wouldn't have been so patient.) It

took a whole evening of her evading the conversation

before she finally addressed it.

The truth was this: She admitted that she was very

attracted to me, but for reasons she couldn't explain,

something "in her heart" told her that she shouldn't go

for me, that ultimately, I "could not be trusted." When I

asked her what she meant by that last comment, she

did little to make sense of it. I wondered at first if she

had simply started dating another guy and was

reluctantly choosing between us with some

difficulty—always a possibility. But it turned out not to

be so. She's just simply a mess.

Now, she and I both had personal AND biological

connection and we both knew it. Really, if I stuck this

one out, there would be no way she could avoid

eventually hooking up with me. Women are very quick

to play the "friends" card. And if you have the patience

to accept that and role with it, it will work for you in this

scenario.

But I had to ask myself, do I really want to be with

someone this out of touch with her own "heart?"

Your intuition has probably not failed you in this case. She is probably legit, but it

will take her a while to realize that you can't run from this kind of connection unless she

literally does remove herself from your proximity for good. If you can stand to keep

yourself in her life, and be as honest as possible, and not come off as an obsessive

suitor or a doormat, she will probably come around eventually. Sit tight. Depending on

how neurotic she is, you may be in for a long, strange and painful ride. But if you have

done the right work, she will come around.

The Self-Destructive Bias:

I have given this part its own section because it really combines two layers of

attraction in a complicated way.

The limbic biological connection I mentioned will sometimes combine nastily with

an experiential bias, and you will relive a delusional, one-sided love experience. In other

words, you may be drawn to someone for legitimate biological reasons, and she hurts

you.

Sometimes these are legitimate attractions which occur on every level, satisfying

the requirements I've laid out. But perhaps you fall for this person and she refuses to

give in, though she's attracted to you (the neurotic scenario I mentioned above), or

she's a cheat and a liar, etc.

Your brain is trying to get you to learn something here, I'm afraid. You should

figure out what that is. My only advice to you is that if you find yourself in a self-

destructive repeating situation, you should probably ditch her, even though she meets

the requirements.

I use this as my yardstick: "Am I repeating a scenario in which I will be on the

bottom, and she will have all the control?" If the answer is yes, I walk away no matter

what I feel. But every situation is different, and you need to come up with your own

yardstick.

Breaking Off With the Neurotic Mess

Back to Joan: I decided to call it quits. Like I said, I

could have stuck it out and eventually someone you

have that kind of legitimate connection with, will give in

and sleep with you.

But it wasn't that I didn't have the patience—what

made me quit was something else entirely.

Do you remember me mentioning my crazy, sexy ex-?

Now, she and Joan are nothing alike, which is why I

never saw it coming. But the thing about my crazy ex-

was that she had this other guy she was seeing, and

she would tell me she loved me and we would have

incredible sex, but she kept going back to her boring

boyfriend. She would cut me off, let me in, cut me off,

let me in. Eventually, I had to get out of there.

Something in me must have known that Joan would

create a similar atmosphere of simultaneous rejection

and acceptance.

It's not that my mind was playing tricks. Joan was the

real thing. We had personal connection and biological

connection through the roof. But I knew from

experience that when I'm involved with a woman who's

push-pulling like that, I get crazy. And I am simply

unwilling to re-live any old patters which force me to

lose my cool. So I stopped calling her and that was the

end of Joan and me.

And incidentally, that drove her crazy. But I stood my

ground because a neurotic mess is a neurotic mess

and a man's got to have his standards.

Chapter Three

Freeing Your Intuition

This point has to be made clear right away: Although I can give you many tools to

work with, intuition is by its very nature something which cannot be taught. Nor can the

exercise of it be successfully inspired by a series of simple instructions.

That being said, however, there are many practical exercises which can begin to

free us from the distractions which keep us from hearing our intuitions.

The first exercise you will undergo will help you abandon the effects that Universal

Appeal has on your intuition.

Exercise

I Recognized That I Was Powerless Over Beauty...

I want you spend as much time as possible looking at "perfect" women. I want you

to surf the Internet for exceptionally beautiful nudes. I want you to buy Playboy. I want

you to visit a strip club. I want you to sit yourself down in a public space and watch for

the most beautiful women you can find—this will be easier for you if you are in college

or live in a metropolitan area.

Each time you see one of these women, I want you to study her face very

carefully. Clear your mind, and picture yourself in a relationship with her. I don't mean

sex. It might be hard not to picture sex, and it may take you a week or so just to get

used to these beautiful women so you can get yourself desensitized. But once you are

able to get sex out of your mind, picture a relationship with these women. Imagine how

your family might feel about them or how they might treat your friends (but don't imagine

how your friends would treat you if you were with her—leave pleasing them out of the

equation). Imagine a long conversation you would have about any of your interests. Is

she interested in what you're interested in? Imagine being funny with her. Would she

laugh? Would your sense of humor mean anything to her? Does she listen to the same

music? Does she like the same movies? When she is wearing clothes, what does she

dress like, and how would you feel out in public with her?

Don't try too hard to come up with specific answers to these questions, and by all

means, ask your own questions if you don't feel comfortable with mine, but your goal is

to get a definite feeling about whether or not she is personally appealing to you beyond

the universal. After all, studies prove that answers to these questions may be accurate

one-third of the time. But it's the asking and the feeling that are important. Don't try to

explain why or how—that will be inaccurate. This is a meditative exercise designed to

help you break free from the distractions that these women unintentionally pose us.

When you feel like you are personally drawn (beyond the physical) to a small

percentage of these women, you are likely ready to move to the next phase.

But that statistic is not gospel. Too many factors can alter it. You may find in your

travels that there is something about a typical stripper's personality which seems to

appeal to something in yours, and therefore an inordinate number of strippers will have

personal appeal to you. Or maybe the same goes for you and models (you should be so

lucky.)

My Own Personal 'Personal Appeal'

I, for example, have more of the opposite problem,

because of how my personality is structured. I tend not

to find any of your average strippers, models or

centerfolds anything beyond universally appealing.

The bulk of extraordinarily beautiful women I tend to

be drawn to work in and around the arts.

The important thing here is that you should get to a place where you genuinely

feel that you can tell the difference between universal appeal and personal appeal, even

while staring extreme beauty in the face. Once you've gotten there, you are ready to

graduate to the next phase of your study.

But here is your final exam: Go to a bar (or if you are too young, any gathering

place.) Look for the most beautiful woman there. She doesn't have to have any personal

appeal for you—in fact it is best if she only has a lot of universal appeal and nothing

more. For your own safety, you should probably make sure she doesn't have a date with

her as well.

Do not stare at her or give her any overt attention. When you are leaving (and

make sure it is when you are on your way out) put on your coat and walk straight for

her. Say hello, and then tell her in the most friendly, calm and straightforward way that

you think she's very beautiful.

And this is the most important part of the exercise: do not wait for a response or

even expect one. Just walk out of the bar. End of exercise. If you expect a thank-you,

or you even show the slightest glimmer of hesitating hope that she will show interest in

you or flirt with you, you have failed the exam—not to mention you will turn what would

have been a pleasant and surprising compliment to her into an awkward situation she

may now resent. You must meet her eyes, tell her you think she's beautiful, and then

leave without even a split second's hesitation.

"Heart-Rendingly Beautiful?"

Let me tell you about my friend Kevin: Kevin's one of

those guys who has trouble looking you in the eye

when he talks to you. He works for a newspaper in

Miami and in his spare time he's a music critic for a

local magazine. He's a really great guy, funny, smart

and fun to be around. But I've seen him around women

and the man clams up. It's because he doesn't believe

in himself.

I turned him on to the exercise above, and I'm not

saying you should necessarily do what Kevin did, but

Kevin turned this into a hobby. He got strangely

hooked and every weekend went out with his Miami

friends to various bars. At each bar they went to he

would find a woman and when they were on their way

out, he would tell her that she was beautiful. (I believe

his favorite words were "I just wanted you to know that

I think you're heart-rendingly beautiful.")

I saw Kevin's confidence improve considerably. And I

also noticed that he became a little more willing to talk

to women when I brought one around.

I'm not saying that this exercise alone is what did it for

Kevin, but it was a significant part of a bigger change I

saw in him that year. After a few months of this he

started seeing a woman who played guitar in a local

band. They're still together, in fact. I can't get Kevin to

admit that the exercise changed him, but I'm sure it did

because I watched him make a lot of big changes after

that.

This exercise will change your life. And the more you do it, the more empowering

it will feel. Let me explain why.

Women are fond of scapegoating their insecurities by blaming them on the media.

And I don't deny that the media's bombardment of sexual imagery has a negative

impact on the feminine psyche. But the notion that this is somehow an ideal universe for

men is a tad overblown.

Men suffer from this same female sexual imagery as well, though admittedly not

as much. It distracts us, and leads us to make foolish romantic decisions based on the

good looks we have been promised. Having unrealistic expectations and being hung up

on freakishly good looks will not only make you lonely, it will also lead to dissatisfaction

in your partnerships and seriously hamper your intuition with experiential bias.

That doesn't mean you can't attract women who are freakishly beautiful, but until

you learn how to eliminate your bias, you will have difficulty achieving this goal.

The former exercise will give you a clear sense of the kind of detachment you

need to develop in reaction to a woman's attractiveness. You will never be able to

conquer the power a woman's beauty has over you until you learn how to reject it. And if

you can't conquer the power a woman's beauty has over you, you will have much

difficulty in the dating arena.

You will always appear easy, desperate and eager—qualities which work against

your confidence. And your confidence is the most powerful tool you have to attract

women.

More Methods

There are many ways you can practice being intuitive. It is important to practice

using your intuition on things other than women you are attracted to. After all, the more

obsessive you get, the more you will cloud your intuition.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Practice meditation. Pick up a book on meditation that interests you and give it

a try. It's not as far out a practice as you may think. It's as simple as sitting still

for regular periods of time in order to quiet your logical mind. There isn't a

therapist out there these days who wouldn't recommend meditation. And without

question, it frees your intuition more than any other exercise I can recommend if

you do it regularly. Not to mention, it calms you down and gets you behaving a

bit more like yourself, which is what you need.

2. Pay close attention to the work of your intuitive mind. As you go throughout

your day and do things like "cross the street," remind yourself that you just made

some incredible calculations that your logical mind would have been incapable

of.

3. Participate in sport and exercise. Sport utilizes the intuitive brain almost

entirely, and exercise has a meditative quality to it. Both are great ways to free

your intuition.

4. Practice assigning characteristics to strangers' faces. It can be very helpful

to sit on a bench in public or leaf through a magazine and jot down some things

that you think are true about their personalities. It can also be very helpful (if you

have the opportunity) to then meet these people afterward and see how

accurate you were. This can be done at parties, classrooms, work-related

functions. Don't be discouraged if you score lower than 33%! Just the practice

will help free your intuition.

5. Give it time. Like all things, this will take practice. You will need to experience a

few mistakes in judgement along the way before you can really know how to

listen to the voice that gives you the green light. But thankfully, I'm going to

teach you how you can make these mistakes without going out on a limb and

making a failed come-on. You will know you made a mistake, but no one else

will!

Part Two

No-Pressure Seduction

Chapter Four

Your Confidence

When women across the world are polled about what characteristics in men they

find the most attractive, confidence is always the first on their list.

If you don't have confidence, you will be set back on your search. Confidence,

however, like intuition is not something I can teach you—nor is it something that can be

faked.

Fear not, though. If you are not confident (and most people are not) you can still

be successful with women. No-Pressure seduction is specifically designed for people

who have a challenged confidence.

There are things you can do to maximize the confidence you already have. But

faking confidence, on the other hand, will hurt your chances tremendously. You are far

better off being totally unconfident than you are pretending to be something you're not.

A good director will never give an actor too many directions, and will never tell an

actor exactly what they should be doing or read an actor's lines the way he wants to

hear them read. This is because a good director knows that the more honest and

individual a performance the actor gives, the better it will be. Conversely the more

contrived and unoriginal the actor's efforts are, the worse his performance will be.

This lesson is a universal one, and one that applies to your confidence in the

dating arena.

Imagine that you are ready to give a public speech. You have prepared everything

the way you want to do it. Everything you are about to say has come from your head,

and a crowd of people will be gathering momentarily to learn from you. Before you go

on, you decide to share your presentation with a co-worker. After you do, they give you

reams of advice, criticize most of what you're doing, tell you that you need to speak up,

hold yourself straighter, not look at your speech so much, use a different word here and

there, tell you that if you don't make a joke after every page you will lose your audience.

Let's also assume that all of this advice is good advice. But let's also assume that

telling jokes is not your style, that you are somewhat soft-spoken and everyone knows

that you slouch a little.

When you deliver your speech, if you take your friend's advice—and again,

assume it's good advice—your speech will flop. You will have too many things in your

head distracting you from the whole point of the presentation. Also, all the people who

have gathered to hear you speak will wonder why you're standing differently and

shouting. They will wonder where the real you went. And if there is anyone in the

audience whom you didn't know beforehand, they will wonder who this awkward,

unsure, confused guy is, and again your message will be lost.

Every time you listen to advice about dating that tells you to say certain things or

act a certain way, you run the same risks. You undermine your confidence, and you

appear awkward. You become a salesman who doesn't believe in the product he's

selling. You go from yourself, even if that self is already shy, to a seventeen year-old

telemarketer reading a sales script, and this is always worse.

I call that kind of dating advice High-Pressure advice. You see that advice all over

the Internet. This type of advice includes come-on lines, types of behavior you should

adopt, ways you should carry yourself, games you should play with women. This advice

is bad on many levels:

1. As I've said, it undermines your confidence and makes you appear

insincere. After all, women are more naturally intuitive than men so that kind of

High-Pressure faking will be very obvious to them. If a woman is interested in

you after you make a phony High-Pressure come-on, trust me, she is interested

in spite of your mistake, not because of it. It only means you picked the right

woman, and she is forgiving.

2. If you are interested only in getting a woman into bed, your chances are

still diminished by using High-Pressure techniques. Women typically sleep

with men when they trust them. A woman who is attracted to you despite your

unusually contrived behavior, will wait for you to drop that act and "get real"

before she sleeps with you. So even you one-night-standers need to be

yourselves to be the most successful.

3. High-Pressure techniques are all about fooling you into thinking you can

get what you want. Sometimes, if you are gullible enough to develop true faith

in such techniques, you may appear a bit more confident. Usually, however,

women entertain this kind of behavior because they think it's funny. If you are

not rejected by a woman for behaving this way, you will likely get a fake phone

number, or your call won't be returned. After all, these techniques are all geared

toward singles environments, where women are not only interested in finding a

man, but are also interested in being flattered and getting attention. High-

Pressure techniques are often flattering. Once you have flattered a woman, you

may have given her all she wants from you.

4. High-Pressure techniques have an extremely high failure rate. If you can

handle being rejected an average of two out of three times, and handle even

worse odds when it comes to graduating from the telephone number to the date,

then you are confident enough not to need these silly techniques. (Be yourself

and you will attract many more women.) If you are like most of the world, this

failure rate will be unbearable, and your confidence will suffer further from these

defeats and you will become even less attractive.

Chapter Five

Three Steps Toward Seduction

Step One

Location, Location, Location

Here are your two goals for this step:

1. Meet a woman in an environment where you can take your time—not where you

only have one night, or a couple of hours to make your move. You want to be able to

see her multiple times, preferably.

2. When you pick her, it is important that you avoid letting her know you are hitting on

her.

It's time to forget the fact that you're looking for a woman. Put that out of your mind. If you

appear that you are on the prowl, women will find you less appealing. Have you ever noticed

that if you have a girlfriend you attract more women than you did when you were single? This is

not irony at work, my friend, this is you not out on the hunt. This is you being in a secure place

and feeling more confident. Your security breeds attractiveness in you.

Your goal from part one has been achieved. You have gained some power over beauty.

You know what it is worth, and you know when to ignore it and when to pay attention to it.

These three steps are about recognizing or changing your Dating Sphere so that you no

longer appear on the prowl.

Singles Environments

Singles environments; by that I mean clubs, bars, dating services, and even bookstores

and laundromats sometimes; are not where you want to go to meet women. Why? Remember

that we want to avoid the audition scenario. Despite the many changes of men and women's

roles over the past few decades, men are still typically the ones who approach

women—women are typically the more selective ones.

When you walk into a singles club, you are put under scrutiny. You see, women are most

fond of confidence in men, but a person doesn't wear these traits necessarily. Your personality

won't shine unless you speak with a woman. A woman, throughout her normal daily routine,

does not think of sex as often as a man does. She is not always looking for a mate when she is

single. Sometimes, she will be taken by surprise when she is attracted to a man whom she is

spending time with—but this is unlikely in a singles environment.

With the crowds, the music and the sexually charged atmosphere of a night club, for

example, a woman will be far more tuned-in to your physical appearance. Within the first two to

three seconds of conversation (which you are sometimes shouting to each other over loud

music), a woman will assess whether or not you are the right height, whether you dress well

enough, are fit enough. If you even make eye contact with her in this environment, she knows

immediately that she must begin to think about you as a potential mate. And now you are one

sperm out of countless many all vying for entrance. You have been trapped into the audition

scenario.

She is often feeling responsible and/or worried as well. She doesn't want to lead you on.

She is hoping you won't take the rejection too hard if she rejects you. She will likely feel

pressured to let you know as quickly as possible what she wants from you—and this could

easily lead her to misjudge you. And she will likely broadcast her predisposition before you

have gotten much of a chance to shine.

Yes, people think a bar is a great place to meet women if it is filled with single women

looking for single men. How convenient, right? They imagine that it will be something like a

college fair. Colleges are looking for students. Students are looking for colleges. Perfect. This,

however, could not be further from the reality.

A singles environment is the worst place you can go. Imagine a college fair where you

had to wear your SAT scores on your head, and every college you approached looked at your

forehead before they gave you the time of day and handed you an application.

Women are like most colleges in that they can be very forgiving of your SAT scores (or

your physical attractiveness as the case may be) as long as your references, essay and grades

are good, but in the wrong environment, they will be forced to be a lot pickier, and they will

miss out on the best parts of you.

What you need is a chance to submit your whole application without her even knowing

that you are applying. You turn her into the recruiter and she will do her best to show you how

attractive her school is. And the moment you realize you are being led on a campus tour, that's

when you are ready to make your move.

The Internet

Some people will obviously think that the Internet then becomes the perfect place to meet

people. This again is not true. With old, faked or doctored photographs of people, and in some

cases no photographs, people are unable to assess the personal appeal they have for

someone. And remember, you can't assess biological connection until you are face to face with

someone, trading pheromonal information and connecting on a limbic level. The opposite of

what goes wrong in bars goes wrong with these interactions. We connect with someone on a

very intimate level because we have few inhibitions. We are more forgiving because while we

are unable to see a person face-to-face, we are full of desperate hope that they will be our

ideal mate.

In this college fair, you are unable to see the recruiter or any of the literature, but you can

talk to them through a slit in the wall. While you can't see their eyes, they may tell you that their

college is a paradise. While they can't see you, you may lie about your SAT score. Since there

are so many colleges out there and life is so confusing, you may just decide that this is the

perfect college for you—after all, you have very little to go on and your imagination and hopes

will fill in the gaps.

The disturbing thing about Internet romances is that this mutual delusion sometimes lasts

for a short time after two people meet, only to die hard later on. More often than that, one or

both people are disappointed upon meeting. Again, we come back to the high failure rate and

the number it does on our confidence.

Since we are human beings, we look at the stars and we see constellations. We look at

the clouds and we see shapes. Communicating with someone over the Internet is a little like

being presented with a series of unconnected dots. You are a human being. You cannot help

but connect the dots yourself. And since, like everyone else in the world, you want your life to

be perfect, you will connect those dots in the way that most benefits your hopes and

expectations.

Steer clear of the Internet.

Other Singles Environments

I mentioned laundromats and bookstores. Of course places like this are nothing like

singles clubs. And that's why people have been suggesting you go there to meet women for

years now. The idea is that you have things to talk about—in a laundromat, you're bored while

you're waiting for your clothes, and in a bookstore you've got your reading interests to discuss.

But steering clear of the obvious come-on is only half of the lesson here. Yes, a

laundromat is slightly better than a bar, but you are still in a laundromat. You are not in your

element. You are spotting someone from across a room and you are forcing yourself to "break

the ice." Even if you can hide your intentions enough to pull off a confident and charming

exchange, you will still have to cross that line and ask for a phone number within, say, forty-five

minutes.

That my friends, is High Pressure. That leads to the audition scenario. And that's when

your chances of failure rise and your confidence falls.

Where To Go

Your next question is probably this: Well, where do I go to meet women?

My answer: Put that out of your mind.

What is the most important thing?

Your confidence.

How do you appear more confident?

By getting power over feminine beauty and avoiding the audition scenario so you can be

yourself.

Then what?

Let your interests be your guide.

What do I mean by 'let your interests be your guide?' Don't go looking for women. The

moment you walk out of your house with the intention of finding a woman rather than doing

something fun or enriching for yourself, you have slipped into the land of the desperate.

Women (and even we men) smell desperation and no one likes it. You will be on the prowl.

You will not appear confident. You will get yourself into an audition scenario and you will likely

choke.

So, let your interests guide you to your next woman. Do what you want to do. I can't get

too specific here since all men are different. But I can say that it's very important that you don't

stay at home, obviously. There is no one out there, even true introverts who wouldn't benefit

tremendously from some human interaction. So get out there.

Here are some examples: Take classes, join groups, book clubs, sports teams (co-ed or

not); get a job, a second job; go to church, find some religion you are attracted to; learn a trade;

join a band. If you have any kind of artistic ability, it would behoove you on every level to exploit

it by getting your work out there. Women will actually come on to you if you do this. Women

love talent in men.

But do not mistake what I'm saying. It really doesn't matter what you do. Just change

what you are doing now, unless you are already very involved with a lot of things (if that's the

case, skip to the next step). Expand your sphere of friends and acquaintances. I am not saying

that any of the above activities are "great for meeting chicks." Not at all. You have to look within

yourself and find what it is you truly enjoy, and then go out there and enjoy it. It's that simple.

While doing the things you are good at and love, you will enhance your happiness and

your confidence, thus making you more attractive. You will take your mind off of desperately

hunting for a mate, thus making you more attractive. And last but most important, you will

probably meet many women you are attracted to. After all, you are looking for women who are

not simply universally appealing, but women who somehow "click" with you, who stimulate you

on a personal and biological level. This will happen much more often in environments like this

because you will find like people. It's that simple.

On the subject of location and avoiding appearing desperate, I cannot stress this point

enough: You will not meet your next girlfriend while walking down the street. Yes, this has

happened before in the history of romance. But people also win the lottery sometimes and are

occasionally struck by lightning as well.

Sometimes women find you attractive when they pass you by. Sometimes they even

show it. If you then follow and engage her, however, chances are she will be frightened by you.

And once you approach her at all in a situation like this you are once again stuck in the High-

Pressure audition scenario and she will likely need to let you know that your chances are

slim—even if your intuition knows better.

The bottom line: Your chances are significantly slimmer than your chances at even a

singles environment. Your failure rate will be much higher if you use this approach. You will be

forced to use High-Pressure techniques to win her favor quickly, and you will almost certainly

fail.

Just remember this, the world is full of women. Unless you are on a campus or at work

and see someone time and again whom you can later track down, you should give up on a

random passer-by before you start. You will see thousands upon thousands of attractive

women walk past you for the rest of your life. That's all they are—passers by. They are nice to

look at. Otherwise, put them out of your mind. You might as well treat them as women in a

magazine who are only universally attractive.

So here is your next assignment: It's time to get a notebook. Spend a few days writing a

large list of the things you like. Get detailed. Try to hit the most important things first. But after

that, don't be afraid to write things like "jelly donuts" or "making my friend Ethel laugh." Spend

half the week paying attention to the things you like and writing it all down. Even the small, silly

things help tremendously.

For the second half of the week, I want you to start making a plan about what things you

are going to pursue when you expand your social sphere. Use the yellow pages, check local

bulletin boards, surf the net. Find groups, clubs, associations, volunteer work that is right for

you. Ask around. And go for it.

Step Two

Here I Am...Now What?

Here are your goals for this step:

1. Locate your target woman.

2. Use your intuition.

3. Spend No-Pressure time with her.

4. Assess your chances.

Locate Your Target Woman

First and foremost, enjoy yourself. Maybe this environment is where you will find your

target woman, or maybe you're surrounded by men in this new group and you need to start

making friends so you can meet friends of friends. Just relax for now, take your time, and follow

your own enjoyment.

Once that enjoyment leads you to a woman you're attracted to, we begin step three,

which is No-Pressure seduction.

Use Your Intuition

The next step is alerting yourself to someone you find attractive. Go through your list. Be

picky.

1. Make sure she's not just universally attractive and nothing more.

2. Make sure there's no experiential bias screwing up your radar.

3. If 1 and 2 are both negative, you have personal connection.

Spend No-Pressure Time With Her

The Break-the-Ice Myth

Next, you need to find out if there is a biological connection. How do you do this? Do not

think about "breaking the ice."

Whoever coined that expression should be shot. What at terrible image to be stuck in our

heads while we try to meet women. There is no ice to break. We're all just human beings and if

you approach someone in the right way at the right time, they will not have any idea that you're

interested in them and therefore they won't put up any wall of ice.

There is no barrier that, once broken with the right kind of pick, will illicit openness and

comfort. The only way you can be assured that there will be openness and comfort when you

begin to talk to someone for the first time is if they trust that you don't want anything from them.

Remember the exercise in chapter three about complimenting random women? They believe

you think they're beautiful and are flattered only because you want nothing from them. The

same goes for the woman you want to get to know better. If you don't broadcast that you want

something from her, then she is a clerk and you are a customer—in other words, your

relationship is immediately one that can be recognized as falling within trustworthy parameters,

parameters she can identify with.

There is no ice to break, and you shouldn't feel that there is a wall you need to knock

down so you can quickly jump in. If time is of the essence and you feel you need to hurry into

this, you'd better quit this one and move on to the next.

Trustworthy Parameters

Take your time. Don't worry about saying the perfect thing. Don't "approach" this woman

either. When a good reason brings you into close proximity, just make a comment or ask a

question. Don't think too hard. Don't try to be charming. Be normal, whatever that means to

you. And don't appear that you are coming on to her, because you are not, remember? You

are coming in for a closer look and auditioning her.

The immediate goal of this first encounter is to not let her know at all that you are in the

least bit interested, because you are not yet, right?

Here's a sneaky piece of advice that will help you a lot. If you have a female friend whom

you trust but have no interest in, take her to your class or club or whatever. Then, when you

talk to your target, she will likely assume that you are with your friend, and therefore won't feel

pressured at all when you talk to her. You can wait for much later to let your target know that

you and your decoy are only friends.

Remember the exercise I had you do in chapter three? Here's another place where the

memory of that experience will come in handy. You don't need to watch for signs that she is

interested. You don't need to swoop in, impress her and watch her swoon. You don't need to

scare her by jumping straight to asking for her number. Just make a comment or ask a

question. It is probably best if you talk about the reason you are there—whether you're at a

book club or karate class. Remember, you've already got something in common with this

person so this won't be too hard. And if you're right that the attraction you feel for her goes

beyond the universal and you're not hung up on some experiential bias, then the conversation

has a good chance of sparking and going somewhere. There is even a good chance she has

noticed you.

But do not expect this. Do not show your hand and let her know she's being hit on. Do not

expect the conversation to flow from your comment. When the conversation feels like it's dying,

or you are feeling like you are running out of things to say, back off for now.

Your overall goal is to simply interact with this woman on a comfortable level, get to know

her, and see if there is a biological connection.

If you are immediately comfortable and conversation flows with ease between the two of

you, you are almost all the way there. If you are uncomfortable and/or she is uncomfortable,

then you have some more work to do.

Some of it is preliminary screening.

1. Does she have a boyfriend/fiancé/husband? The obvious is to check for rings.

2. If there is no ring, you need to find out if she has a boyfriend. Most women will let you

know as politely as possible that they have a boyfriend within the first few minutes of

conversation. They may use the word "we" as in: "Do you like classical music?" "Yes.

We have season tickets to the pops." Or they may be far less subtle by referencing their

boyfriend directly. An important note to make here is that if this happens, you have

either broadcast your intentions as you should not, or she's paranoid. In that case, you

still have your dignity. Finish the conversation and move on. Want to make yourself feel

better? Mention your "girlfriend" and then move on.

There is a much subtler and advanced art to finding out if a woman has a boyfriend. If

you are really in tune with your intuition, and you know you have picked someone with

whom you have a great personal and maybe even biological connection, then you will

observe a mixed hesitancy that will give her away. Because of the connection you are

both feeling, she probably won't readily admit that she has a boyfriend, but her

conscience will be telling her to. Remember the conflict between heart and head? She

may even be flirtatious one minute and then grow cold the next. What will likely happen

is she will mention her boyfriend at some point later in the conversation, or in your

acquaintanceship. It will probably come out in some strange way, blurted out awkwardly

perhaps. The more you talk to women who are attached, the more you will recognize

this behavior and learn to feel that something is wrong. When you feel these mixed

signals it is usually about another man. But remember, you still haven't made a pass, so

your dignity is still in your possession.

3. Once you have discovered the boyfriend, you have one or two choices. You can be a

brave and crazy man and stick to her or you can get out while you can. I do suggest the

latter.

"Oh, So You Have A Boyfriend..."

Remember my crazy, sexy ex- with the boyfriend? Let me

paint you a pretty picture of what you may be in store for:

First it was a series of intense sexual encounters

interrupted by her guiltily pushing me away, leaving me

painfully unsatisfied; then there were long talks about how

she loved me, but that she also loved him so she didn't

know what to do; this of course led to huge and constant

fights we would have; then she left him; then she went back

to him; then she left him again; then they had sex one

night; then he finally disappeared; then she was

nightmarishly depressed and awful to be around; then she

got back together with him but asked me to stick around for

the sex. The sex was good enough, and she was gorgeous

enough for me to have put up with this stuff for a long time.

But that was it—and still, I should have left her much

earlier.

Let this be a warning, my friends.

4. Is she a lesbian? If you think all lesbians "look like lesbians," you'd better think again.

They are one-in-ten women, statistically, and they vary in appearance and behavior

tremendously, just like any other group of human individuals. The only two things you

can rely on are your past and their signals. Some men have a thing for picking that one

lesbian out of a group of women and falling for her. If you have found yourself in this

situation before, you should be on the lookout. As for her signals, if she does not

appear stereotypically lesbian, she has probably been hit on by men before and is

sensitive to it. But she may not want to be out of the closet in whatever public setting

you're in. These scenarios will produce a lot of stress for her. It will likely be difficult to

engage her in conversation if this is the case. But don't go assuming that every shy

woman is a lesbian! In fact, a lesbian will probably put up a series of walls

immediately—but so may a married woman or a socially stifled woman. I think the

important point here is that if this happens, you should lay back and observe. The

important part is that she is not letting you in. You may want to give up immediately, or

you may want to find out if she's taken, gay or celibate.

What is the No-Pressure Approach?

You have determined that there are no obstacles like husbands or boyfriends in your

way. She is single. She is heterosexual and to the best of your knowledge she is neither insane

nor celibate. Now spend time with her.

There are two important prongs to the No-Pressure Approach:

1. Don't give yourself away.

2. Make her comfortable.

The hardest part about describing the first prong is that I have already told you how

important it is to be yourself and not have a lot of advice about what to say and what not to say

roaming around in your head, but here I am about to give you a list of things not to do.

First of all, if you think any of this advice doesn't apply to you, don't take it.

Second, I would rather you consider this short list more of a list of phony, cliché and

obvious things we have been taught to do when courting someone, which we should unlearn,

precisely because they take us further away from ourselves.

So here is our list of unnatural behaviors we should watch out for:

1. Do not stare. Never stare at someone you're interested in while waiting for her to catch

your eye and smile at you. She sees you are staring at her, and that's why she won't

look your way. You are scaring her.

2. Don't use any dating terminology. Don't ask anyone if you know them from

somewhere. Don't ever walk up to anyone with anything that could remotely come

across as a line. Don't say things like "so...do you have a boyfriend?" If you are trying to

hang out with her, don't ask if she'd like to "go out sometime." Being specific in that

case is less of a giveaway.

3. Don't force an interview in the first meeting. When I say you are auditioning her, that

doesn't mean she needs to be suddenly barraged with a host getting-to-know-you

questions like "where are you from?", "how many brothers and sisters do you have?" or

"what type of music do you listen to?" Don't get me wrong. If this happens naturally,

that's fine. If, for example, she begins to ask questions like that of you, then go for it.

But don't introduce yourself and then go crazy with the questions because you're

nervous. She will be on to you too quickly.

4. Don't flirt. This is a tough one. Perhaps you are a great flirter and it works well for you.

If you really know how to flirt, then flirt and ignore this step. Personally, I don't believe in

flirting unless its with someone you would never sleep with and you're just kidding

around. If you are not a seasoned flirter, then forget about it. If she begins to heavily flirt

with you, then let loose my friend and see what happens. But my personal opinion is,

don't ever initiate the flirting.

The second prong of the approach is all about how you will get to spend that time with

her.

You need to devise a way (and don't get too elaborate here or she'll smell a scheme

coming) by which you can spend time with her that does not seem like a date. Of course you

have already spent time with her at whatever activity brought you together, and perhaps your

intuition was so dead on that the two of you immediately hit it off and spending time together

beyond that was easy and natural.

If you are not so lucky, you need to find a way to spend more time with her to further

investigate what is really going on between you two.

The best way to do this is to invite her somewhere with other people around. If you are

throwing a party, you can invite her, and don't be upset if she doesn't come. If you are not a

party-thrower, perhaps you go out with a group of friends every now and then. Ask her to come

along and bring some friends.

If you have done everything right so far, she has been waiting for you to ask her on a

date. And if you do this step properly, she will be talking to her friends obsessively about how

she's "not sure if this is a date." This is perfect. You want to begin to exasperate her a little bit

so she starts that campus tour I was telling you about.

Having other people along is a classic maneuver to make something not a date. Women

employ this technique a lot when a man asks them to do something. Beat her to the punch and

use that technique yourself. "Bring some friends along," you can say. Or if you are feeling really

daring and the situation calls for it, you can ask her to "bring friends or a date." If she then

shows up with a friend, she may be trying to tell you that she's available.

The more you let her know that you are pursuing her, the more she will withdraw and

judge you. And you don't want to bother with that, remember? So make your invitation

carefully.

Perhaps she will invite you somewhere. Maybe when she does this, you should bring a

friend along if it's appropriate. (I'm certainly not suggesting that if she has the guts to ask you to

dinner you should show up with your buddy.)

Assess Your Chances

Next you need to find out if she's interested, right?

Again, don't waste your time trying to accomplish this in one hour. Take your time. It's

best over the course of a series of meetings, but if you have a day-long seminar, a lot of hours

may do if you happen to meet this person early on and she is comfortable with spending a lot

of time with you.

Now in an ideal universe, you can ignore thinking about whether she is interested in you

at all, and only think about how interested you are. If you are truly in touch with your intuition,

this will not only work for you, it will also boost your confidence. Your not seeming to worry

about whether she is interested in you will boost your attractiveness.

But that level of intuitive control will take you some time. In the meantime, you need to

test your intuition so you know when it has worked and when it has led you astray. So below I

have listed a series of give-aways that will let you know that a woman is attracted to you. Some

day down the road you can let all this stuff go and just trust your gut. But for now, use it to help

improve your intuition.

Through conversation and body language, women give themselves away completely. The

first thing to watch for is body language. If she displays any of these give-aways, she is

immediately physically attracted to you. Remember though, women are picky and physical

attraction won't necessarily get you in the door.

Unconscious Signs

Remember that the reptilian brain is that primitive fight or flight center, and it gives people

away if we know how to pay attention to it. You see, facial expressions which are generated

from the reptilian brain are universal. New Guinea primitives who have never seen an outsider

before are able to discern the meaning of facial expressions made by Americans. We are hard-

wired to wear our emotions in plain view, and there is very little that can be hidden to the

trained eye.

Here are some examples to train yourself to watch for:

1. Mimicry. Both sexes will accidentally mimic the bodily posture, stance and even hand

gestures and facial characteristics of the person they are attracted to while they are

interacting with them. In other words, it happens live and immediately. Watch for it. If

you are sitting at a table, fold your hands and watch if she does it too. It may happen a

moment or two later, but it is still a clear sign of attraction. If it doesn't happen, though,

don't worry.

Mimicry

I used to think that mimicry was bunk until I noticed myself

doing it recently. I was talking to a young red-head who

was in my Tai Chi class. It was during a break, and the first

thing that happened was I noticed that I had my hands

folded in front of me the way

elementary school teachers have their kids fold their hands.

And it struck me as odd because that's something I never

do. Then I noticed her hands were folded just like that.

Later, I also caught myself doing the same stretching

exercises she was doing. Noticing yourself doing this with

others can often be an indication of biological

connection—it certainly was with the red-head and me. We

are currently an item.

2. Squaring of the shoulders. A woman, when feeling attracted to a man will often

square her shoulders off with his, so that he is facing her perfectly straight on, as

though she is putting herself directly in front of him. This usually happens in close

proximity. Conversely, a woman who constantly keeps her distance and opens up the

square by shifting one shoulder away from you a bit, is not necessarily feeling

physically comfortable with you yet.

3. Flushing. Women flush sometimes when they are attracted to you. It is a gorgeous

give-away and a gift but not all women do this. Usually it's only women with fair

complexions and it most often happens when you meet again after having met before. If

she's been thinking about you a lot and is very attracted to you, you may see a flush

cross her face when you meet again.

4. Large pupils. Dilated pupils are a very common sign that someone is attracted to you.

This often happens while they are listening to you talk so make sure you look them in

the eyes. This may also accompany a flush—and if it does you are on easy street.

5. Trailing. This is similar to mimicry. If you notice, once you have made contact with a

woman and you think she may be interested, you can test it out by wandering away

from her here and there. Don't treat her like you think she's a pest, but wherever you

are, find a good excuse to wander off from time to time and see if she follows you.

Again, this will often happen unconsciously, and it happens to both sexes so watch out.

6. Grooming. Women compulsively groom themselves when they are interested in a

man. Most often, the specific reaction I see is one hand shooting up to their hair. Watch

them. It is as though they have no idea they are doing it. She will say hello and a

moment later one hand moves quickly through her hair while she keeps her eyes on

you. This may happen the moment you meet someone if she finds you attractive. This

is a common reaction.

7. Signs of Insecurity. You have to be careful about judging insecurity because you need

to be sure that a woman is feeling uncomfortable because she likes you, not because

you make her feel unsafe. I would say that if she engages you clearly, showing without

a doubt that she wants to keep the conversation going but at the same time you notice

that she glances at her feet a lot or (the classic) she has her arms folded under her

chest, then she is feeling nervous because she likes you. The more you make her feel

at ease after noticing this, the better off you both will be. Take the pressure down. She

will greatly appreciate it.

8. Random Physical Contact. The most common example of this is when during a

conversation a woman will touch your arm lightly with her hand. Sometimes they will

touch your knee. It's somewhere in between a pat and sometimes a very light swat. Or

she will rest her hand on you (usually on your forearm) for a good long moment.

Random physical contact like this almost always occurs when she is talking to you, and

she will do it for emphasis or as a way of commenting on something you said. For

example, you may make her laugh and she will respond by smiling and touching you.

You will notice that the woman's hands will move as though they have a mind of their

own. She will not be calculating a touch—though that is a remote possibility.

9. Play Fighting. I have seen this over and over again and it's a very simple concept.

When a woman is spending time around you and has been feeling the urge to touch

you, she will often air-box you in a playful way. She may raise her fists as a joke, or

even tap you in the arm or something. (Men do this sort of thing as well, perhaps more

often than women.)

Intentional Signs

Although physical reactions are sometimes very easy to spot, I have always found that

conversational indications can show that a woman is not only attracted to you but that she has

her sights set on getting into your life.

While the physical reactions are more of an outward display of attraction which are

beyond her control, cues which occur during conversation are much more intentional signals on

her part to let you know that she is interested.

Although the roles men and women play in courtship have blurred slightly, men are still

generally the initiators and women are still generally waiting around to be hit on. But the notion

of a woman in a romantic vacuum, passive and showing disinterest until she is kissed has

probably always been fallacious.

I am sure that since the days of courtly love, women still played a very passive-

aggressive role in courtship. One cannot help but think of the old image of a woman pretending

to drop her kerchief on the ground so a man would pick it up for her. To this day, women will

rarely come right out and tell you that they are interested in you, but it does sometimes happen.

Reverse Propositions

I think only once or twice in my life I have been actually

asked something the way a man traditionally asks a woman

something. A married woman once asked me to get a hotel

room with her. A young lady once asked me if I had a

girlfriend—the answer was "yes" at the time so I have no

idea if she would have asked me something afterward.

That's about all I can recall in terms of propositions.

I was recently asked out on a date via email, but this is

after I had invited her to hang out with some friends and me

one night and she couldn't make it. Even though I knew

she was interested and really did want to come, I held off

after that because No-Pressure means you don't move into

"date" mode and start asking her to reschedule. But she

wanted me to reschedule so badly that eventually she lost

it, showed her cards and asked me out, even confessing to

me in this letter that she was really drawn to me. But

still,she wouldn't have been that aggressive had she not

worried that I might have asked her out on a date which

she may have appeared to reject. Make sense?

I have been told things. I have been given phone numbers

occasionally, but it was always in my court to get things

started. In almost every case, a woman being aggressive

amounts to her being up front, but without the proposition.

And those cases are still uncommon.

Again, it should be noted that I'm an average-looking guy

and the come-ons I've received have little to nothing to do

with my appearance. It's just that I have been living these

techniques for years, and when you leave women feeling

like you are a great catch who may not be interested, they

will let you know they are interested. And like I said, some

can be very aggressive but most of them are not.

All women will drop the kerchief in one form or another. No human being can be truly

passive when it comes to things that they want. If a woman is being truly passive, she is

showing disinterest and you should find out why. Don't confuse disinterest with being

uninterested. If she is showing you clearly that she is NOT interested, she is yet again being

passive aggressive. She is still unable to let things alone in terms of what she wants—or as the

case may be, what she does not want.

Interested

Disinterested

Uninterested

She is directly or

indirectly letting you

know that she wants

to be more than

friends.

She is literally not

aware of your

existence.

She is directly or

indirectly letting you

know that she does

not want to be your

lover.

In other words, this is a black and white process. You will almost never talk to a woman

who is getting to know you, who will not broadcast to you in some way whether she is

interested or not interested. If she is showing disinterest, she is probably on drugs.

Early signs that she is uninterested (if they are not too severe) when accompanied with a

strong sense from you that there is personal and biological connection, should be ignored

provided that you have the guts to stick it out. She will probably change her mind. (Remember

my section about neurotic women in chapter two.)

For now, here is a list of some things that most women do to passively-aggressively tell

you they are interested:

1. Making You Fit The Bill. Women will often find a way to tell you what they want from a

man within the first few minutes of conversation, particularly if they're interested. If you

find them doing that early on, it means they are likely attracted and are beginning to feel

you out as a potential mate. Don't get nervous, but you're being interviewed.

(Remember to interview her back!) And if she is more than interested and begins to feel

that you are what she wants, she will let you know that as well. Just let the conversation

drift to the subject of relationships or dating. You will begin to hear her preferences and

she will make sure that you fit into them all, even if she has to dodge around. If you are

daring and naturally manipulative (remember, I don't recommend game playing), you

can experiment with doing the opposite—that is, mentioning something that you don't

want out of a relationship, which you know she has. Unless she's a quitter, she will

challenge you on it. When she does, let her change your mind. (But again, I don't

recommend this stuff. If you're not naturally good at it, you will look like a game-player

and she will get turned off.)

The Challenge

For example, once I told a writer/actress I was interested in

that I wasn't sure I could date someone else who was a

writer. This was after a series of things she had mentioned

that she wanted from a relationship, which she knew I had

to offer. Her reaction was perfect. She challenged it.

"Why?", she said, keeping her cool. I hemmed a little. "I

dunno. Maybe it would work. I've just never dated another

writer so I would worry about competition," I said. "I don't

know about that," she said. "I think that kind of thing can

work if you..." And on she went. And I told her she was

probably right. Again, it's a silly and dangerous game, but I

was curious about whether she was actually telling me

what she wanted out of a man and I coincidentally fit the

bill, or she was sending me a message—in essence,

seducing me with a game all her own. The latter was the

truth.

2. The non-existent love life. This signal is its clearest when you're getting to know a

woman slowly over a period of time, and you wonder if she's interested in you. Some

men work slowly. If you do, this sign is a good one to watch for. If you have talked

about everything under the sun and she has never ever mentioned that she is

interested in someone else, has had a date recently, is dating anyone, or if she talks

about her aloneness frequently, this is a good sign. If you are a crazy man and are

pursuing a woman whom you know is involved, you will notice a similar treatment of her

boyfriend when she is interested in you. He will disappear in conversation. She will

even go out of her way to avoid bringing him up and will only mention him when she

absolutely has to—and will also avoid calling him "my boyfriend" when she does. But

again, this is a slippery slope my friend, so watch out.

3. Laughing and Listening. If you tell a joke here and there and are noticing that this

woman is laughing at absolutely every joke you tell (even the bad ones), she is trying to

tell you something, and it's not that you should go into standup comedy. Similarly, if

absolutely everything you say seems interesting to her (even the boring crap), she is

not trying to tell you that you should go on Larry King.

4. Intentional Trailing. If you have picked an activity which has a classroom-like

setting—in other words, chairs and desks or tables to sit at, and you come into that

place after she does, notice if she is sitting where you were sitting the last time. If you

come in early, sit in a different spot and see if she sits near you or next to you. This sort

of behavior is conscious and different from the unconscious sort-of meandering trailing

that occurs unintentionally.

5. Compliments. This is a twofold indicator. One, she is telling you that she approves of

you. This is a great sign. It also means you should compliment her back. This doesn't

mean you should ever compliment a woman while expecting something in return

(remember the exercise in part one), but when a woman compliments you, if you

haven't already, you should work a compliment into the conversation when it's

appropriate. Just do it and move on, though. Don't ever compliment expectantly.

6. Not Taking The Easy Out. The reason why compliments are such a big deal is

because they could mean that a woman is interested. That is to say, she is not afraid of

you "mistaking her" for being interested. The point I'm trying to make here is that most

women are generally paranoid about leading men on (there are exceptions, don't get

me wrong). Your average woman will do her best not to do anything that will lead you to

believe she might be interested in you if she is indeed not interested in you. So rather

than paying attention to what she does say, it becomes really important to pay attention

to what she doesn't say or do. Point #2, The Non-existent Love Life is somewhat of an

example of this, but it bears having its own category because there are a wealth of

possibilities here. The best I can offer you is a series of examples.

Perhaps you offer a woman a ride home. Here is an opportunity for her to say "I better

not." But she doesn't. She gets into your car. That counts for something. You ask her if

she would like to have lunch with you tomorrow. She could say "like a date?" But she

doesn't. She doesn't even hesitate. She just says "yes," enthusiastically. The easiest

out there would be for her to say she can't for whatever reason, to make up some

excuse. But if she says yes, that counts for something. There are countless

conversational examples. Perhaps you say "last night when my friend picked me up, he

saw me talking to you. He thought you were a new girlfriend." Here is an opportunity for

her to laugh a little too hard at this prospect, but maybe she does nothing but smile. But

don't get me wrong. These don't all have to be hints or propositions. In fact, this sort of

thing happens most often by accident during conversations. Sometimes it takes mulling

over a conversation after you have had it in order to uncover these hints. It is best if you

can observe these naturally and not try to make them happen. Again, games work

against you.

What if none of these things are happening?

Then your chances are slim, my friend. Your intuition has probably failed you.

The most important thing to remember is that the final test to see if your intuition was

dead on, is to find out if she's interested. If she isn't, then you know you messed up and picked

the wrong target.

Step Three

Make Your Move

Time to drop the ambiguity. When you are sure she is attracted to you, go for it. Kiss her,

do whatever. It's all in your court now. I can't tell you how to cross that line. Everyone wants to

do it differently, and every woman wants it differently.

I will tell you this, though, don't obsess over it. Relax and let it happen naturally. But don't

take this dating paradigm shift too far and expect her to grab you and kiss you. It may happen,

who knows? But don't count on it.

Chances are she will be waiting for you to make that first move and if you wait too long

after she has given you countless signs, she will likely give up and move on. After all, giving

you those signals is often the closest many women come to hitting on a person. Don't play too

many games.

Many men have problems here with hesitating. A certain amount of hesitation is natural.

But whatever you do, don't wallow in self-doubt for too long. If you've made it this far, she

definitely wants you.

Think of it like this: you are dropping a bomb. At this point, you know you have to drop it

because you know she is interested. You're afraid of possible negative consequences, right?

Well, there won't be any. And if there are, drop that bomb and then deal with it.

See, the anticipation of a bad event is really where all the trouble is. It's like when you're

waiting to break up with someone. The most difficult and agonizing period is leading up to the

bomb drop. But once that bomb has been dropped, no matter how bad the explosion is, you

are suddenly a soldier who is fighting for his life with shrapnel all around you—that part of the

experience is so simple because you know just what you need to do, take cover and survive.

The same goes for a happy explosion. You drop that bomb. She kisses you back. You

both know just what to do, and the agonizing is over.

What's the worst thing that could happen? You try to kiss her and she pulls away. Well,

this is either because your intuition failed you, or you're about to discover she's a neurotic

mess. In either case, you've learned something very valuable. With the former you can

discover where you went wrong and use it to improve your abilities. If it's the latter, you can still

get her if you really want to, but you also have a unique opportunity to see her at her worst.

You can decide whether she's really worth it now.

And what is most likely to happen? You kiss someone you're really attracted to and she

kisses you back! Little else is better in this world, my friend. Don't put that kind of joy off.

(You probably don't want to ask a woman if you can kiss her—I've heard too many

women complain about that sort of thing to recommend it, but hey, if it works for you, do it.)

But you can also begin calculated physical contact that is socially acceptable. Remember

when I told you about women accidentally touching your arm when they talk to you? Do things

like that to her. See if she does it back. Try hugging her goodbye or upon greeting her and see

what she does. When you approach her to talk to her, come close and put your hand on her

shoulder. All these sorts of moves will invoke positive responses in a woman who is interested,

and small acts of physical contact like this will mount and eventually, a kiss will be inevitable.

And when it is, drop that bomb. The explosion will almost certainly be a good one.

If you know she is interested, throw the rules of this guide out of your head and go for it.

Our work here is done.

Conclusion

Summing It Up

Here is a breakdown of what was covered in this book, and what you will need to

do to master the art of No-Pressure seduction.

1. Improve your intuition with practice.

2. Learn when you have found someone you are compatible with by:

a. conquering the influence of universal beauty,

b. avoiding your own experiential biases and

c. learning to spot a woman whom you will be compatible with.

3. Build your confidence by following your interests.

4. Locate your target woman using the intuitive techniques above.

5. Determine if she is a lost cause.

6. Spend No-Pressure time with her.

7. Assess your chances.

8. Make your move.

If you follow my advice, you will find there an immediate change in your dating life.

You will feel more confident and more in control. As you practice these intuitive

techniques and self-restraint, you will eventually become a master of the No-Pressure

Approach.

You will learn to spot a personal connection in a matter of seconds, and a

biological connection almost as quickly. The more successful you become at honing

your radar, and the more you learn and prove to yourself that (when you're doing this

correctly) it's a one-way process, the more confident you will become, and thus, the

more attractive you will become. And the more success you have, the faster you will be

able to move through these steps.

I may paint a picture of a No-Pressure Approach taking months to work. That is

not necessarily so. If anything, your own self-doubt will be what slows the process

down. But when you finally free your intuition completely, you will not make mistakes in

selection, and the process then becomes easier and easier.

I hope you're ready to change your approach and open your mind to a process

which will finally give you the power to lay back and glide painlessly into the love lives of

as many women as you want.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to write me at

[e-mail]

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