C.J.Carmichael-TheFourthChild

MOMENTOFTRUTH…

ClaireRidgewayhaseverything—ahandsome,hardworkinghusbandoftwelve
years,abeautifulhomeinthesuburbs,threedelightfulchildrenshecanraise
withouthavingtoworryaboutmoney.

Untilonemorning.

Claire'slifeshatterswhenKirktellsherhe'sinlovewithsomeoneelse.

Herfirstreactionistokickhimoutofthehouse.Buthewantstotrycounseling.
She'snotsureshecanforgivehim.Still,shehasthreeyoungdaughterstothink
of,plusthechilddueinsevenmonths—Kirk'schild,theirfourth.

Thechildhedoesn'tevenknowshe'scarrying.

CHAPTERONE

“LookslikeI'llbeworkinglateagaintonight."TheliecamesoeasilyKirk
Ridgewayalmostbelievedithimself.Handsjoinedbehindhisheadforsupport,he
leanedbackinhispaddedleatherchairandstaredatapaintingonthewall.He
wasusingthespeakerphone,sohehadnoneedtoholdthereceiverinhishand.

"Isee."Thewoman'sfaintvoiceechoedagainsttheofficewalls."Howlate?"

Kirkcheckedhiswatch.Itwassixo'clockWednesday.Fromtheopendoortohis
officehe'dbeenwatchingpeopleleaveforthepasthour.Soon,thebrokeragefirm
wouldbeallbutdeserted…

"Hardtosay."Intotheresultingsilence,headded,"TellthekidsIlovethem,and
don'tbotherwaitingup."

Heleanedforwardtodisconnectthelineandreassuredhimselfhehadn'tlied.
Afterall,he'dpromisedtoreviewthatnewbiotechprospectustoseeifanyofhis
clientsmightbeinterestedininvesting.Eagertoassuagehisconscience,he
slippedonhisreadingglassesandreachedforthethickbooklet.Heflippedthe
pages,pastthecoverpagedescribingtheofferingandthewarningtoinvestors
aboutthespeculativenatureoftheventure,tothedescriptionofthebusiness.
Hisgazepausedatthefirstblackheading;hismindstalled.

Whatwaskeepingher?Hewassurehe'dseenallthebrokerswhoworkedathis
endofthebuildingleave.Hisassistanthadgoneoveranhourago.Alreadythe
placehadthehollow,mutedatmosphereheassociatedwithafterhoursand
weekends.

AndJanice.

Hiseyesshiftedfromtheprospectus,backtothepaintingonthewallopposite
him.Anabstracthe'dboughtrecently,itevokedpassionateemotions,reminding
himofhowhefeltwhenhewaswithher.

Whatthehellareyoudoing,man?Thewarningvoicecamefrominsidehisown
head,butKirkdidn'twanttolisten.Hischestwastight,hisbreathingshallow.
Thiswasgettingcrazy.SixmonthsearlierhewouldhavesaidheandJanicewere
justfriends.Theirrelationshiphadstartedwiththeoccasionalinnocentlunch—
Janicehadbeenveryupsetafterherdivorce.

Occasionallunchesbecamemorefrequent;openmeetingsevolvedintosecret
rendezvous.Atwhatpointhadheknownhewasfallinginlove?Kirkstillwasn't
sure.Buthedidknowthetimehadcometodosomethingaboutit.Lastweekat
dinner,Janicehadtoldhimshewantedmore.Hecouldn'tpretendnotto
understandwhatshemeant.

"Hi,there."

Thesoundofhervoicehadhimsittingtallerinhischair,histension,the
accompanyingsliverofguilt,lesseningatthesightofher.Herthin,elegant
silhouettewasframedseductivelyinthepalelightfromthedoorway.Witha
warmsmilesheenteredhisofficeandclosed,thenlocked,thedoorbehindher.

"Abouttimeyougothere,"hesaid.

Shewaswearingaform-fittingblacksuit,skirtshort,heelshigh.Hersilkblouse
wasbuttonedlow.Lower,hewascertain,thanwhenhe'dseenheratthecoffee
stationearlierthatafternoon.

"Ithoughtthedaywouldneverend."Sheleanedbackagainstthedoor,hersvelte
figureonperfectdisplay.

Therulesofthegamewereabouttochange,Kirksensed,andhewasfilledwith
anambiguousswirlofemotions.Excitement,longing,guiltandself-doubt.What
washedoing?Wasthisreallywhathewanted?Couldhestopifhechoseto?

Hestood,movedtowardher,thenhesitated."IfeelasifI'vebeenwaiting
forever…"

"Iknow."Herlipsshimmeredwithfreshredlipstick,andnowhewascloseenough
tosmellherperfume.Itwasawarm,muskyscenthefoundbothexcitingand
disturbing,likethathewpaintingonhiswall.

"Haveyouconsideredwhatwetalkedaboutlasttime?"sheasked.

"Oh,yeah."Hebroughtthebackofhishandtoherhairandbrusheditfromher
shoulder.Sincelastweek'sdinner,he'dthoughtofpreciouslittleelsethanher
desiretomakelovewithhim.

"Whatabouthere,Kirk?Whataboutnow?Theplaceisdeserted.I'velockedthe
door."

Hegroaned.God,hecouldn'tbelieveit.Shewasofferinghimhisultimatefantasy.
Howmanynightshadhelainawakethinkingofsomethingjustlikethis?Nowhe
swallowed,hisgazeautomaticallysettlingonthehintofcleavagebetweenthe
partedlayersofsilkyblouse.

"Doesn'tthatsoundnice?"sheasked,hervoiceanenticingwhisper.She
unbuttonedherjacket,letitfallfromhershoulders.

Kirkpressedfingerstohisforehead,wherehefeltahot,stickyfilmofsweat.How
hadtheycometothispoint?Hischestpushedagainsthislightwooljacketashe
filledhislungswithair.Hecouldn'tthinkaboutwhatcouldhappenrighthere,
rightnow,ifonlyhegavetheanswershewaslookingfor.

"Kirk?"Herjacketlayonthefloor,anditwasobviousshehadnobraunderher
flimsywhiteblouse.Hefelthispulsepoundinginhisthroat,andsomeplacelower,
too.Anaching,desperatethrobbingthatmadeithardtothinkofanythingelse.
God,howheachedto—

"Don'tyouwantme,Kirk?"sheasked."Whyhaven'tyoukissedmeyet?"

"IfIkissyou,thistimeIwon'tbeabletostopthere."

"Butthat'sokay,"Janicesaid,leaningintowardhim."That'swhatI'vebeentrying
totellyou."

Kirkputhishandsouttohershoulders.Partlytostopherfromcomingcloser,
partlytofeelthewarmsoftnessofherflesh.Hisgazedippedtotheoutlineofher
nipples,thehardhubsclearlyvisiblebeneaththethinfilmofsilk,thenreturned
tothefullnessofherlips.

Oh,God,I'mafool.Whynotjustkissher?Isn'titwhatwebothwant?

Butofcourseitwasn'tthatsimple.Hetookanotherdeepbreathandstraightened
hisshoulders.Withclosedeyes,hethoughtofadifferentwoman,tworings,a
spokenvow.

"Let'sgooutfordinner,Janice.Weneedtotalk."

CHAPTERTWO

"Mom-m-m-m!"thewailtraveleddownthestairstothekitchen,whereClaire
Ridgewayhadjustpickedupthephonetomakeanimportantcall.She'dbeen
waitingforofficehours,whichbeganateight.Nowshereplacedthereceiverand
decidedshe'dbeenoverlyoptimisticthinkingshe'dhavefiveminutestoherself
beforethekidscaughtthebusforschool.

Instead,shejoggedupthestairsforaboutthetenthtimethatmorning.Her
eldestdaughter,Andie,wasstandinginthemiddleofherroom,dressedinaT-
shirtandpanties.

"Idon'thaveanycleanjeans."

Clairescannedtheroomandspottedonepairunderthebedandanotherpeeking
outfromapileofstuffedanimals.

"Nocleanjeans?Iwonderwhy."Shecheckedthehamperinherdaughter'scloset.
"Therearen'tanyinthelaundry…Whatapuzzle."

"Mom-m-m-m."Andieputherhandsonherslimhips,obviouslynotamused.
"WhatamIsupposedtowear?"

"HowaboutthatprettyskirtyourgrandmasentyoufromFlorida?"

Clairepressedherlipstogethertostopfromlaughingatthelookofdisdainher
daughtergaveher.Andiehadn'twornaskirttoschoolinyears.Gigglesfromthe
bathroomdistractedClairefromthejeansdilemma,andsheopenedthedoorto
findhersix-year-olddaughter,Jenna,pilingablobofmousseontoherbaby-fine
hairasmiddlesister,Daisy,watched.

"Ithinkyou'resupposedtocombitinorsomething,"Daisysuggested.

"Oh,it'ssticky."Jennatouchedthedollopofmoussewithonefingerandit
shiveredlikejelly.

"You'resupposedtoputitonwhenyourhairiswet,"Clairesaid."Andnotnearly
somuch."Shepulledatissueoutoftheboxthatrestedonthebackofthetoilet
andscoopedupmostofthemousse.

"Now,brushyourhair.Thebuswillbehereintenminutes."

Everymorningitseemedimpossiblethatallthreegirlswouldmakeittothe
streetcornerontime,yetsomehowithappened.Thismorningwasnoexception.
Clairedroppedkissesoncleancheeksandpassedoutlunchbagsfromthefront
door.

"Don'tforgetI'mplayingatAlex'shouseafterschool,"Daisysaid.

"Okay.I'llpickyouupatfive."

Andiewasthelastoutthedoor.SheslippedpastClairewearingrumpledjeans
withgrassstainsattheknees.Aflashofyellowsignaledtheapproachingbus.
ClairehadnotimetoobjecttoAndie'sattire—somethingherdaughterhad
definitelycountedon.

"IthinkI'mgoingtohavetointroduceyoutothewashingmachineafterschool,"
Clairethreatened.

"Gottago,Mom.I'mlate."

Claireblewakissafterher,thatlastphrasecatchinginhermind.I'mlate.

Nowshecouldmakeherphonecallatlast.

Claire'sfingerstrembledasshedialedthenumber,andthetremblingonlygot
worsewhenshewasputonhold.

"No,Ican'twait,"shemutteredattherecordedmusic,whichwasprobably
intendedtobesoothing."Mylife,myfamily'slife,isatstakehere."

WhitneyHoustondidn'tseemtocare.Shekeptsingingforanothertwostanzas,
onlytobecutoffinthemiddleofafinal,piercinghighnote.

"Wehaveyourresults,Ms.Ridgeway."

Clairelistened,saidgoodbye,hungupthereceiver.Forasecondshejuststood
there,thenshereachedforthefamilycalendarthathungonthewallbythe
phone.

"Havethegirlsleftforschool?"

Clairestarted.Thecalendarpagesslippedfromherhand.

"Kirk.Ithoughtyou'dleftalready."Herhusbandwasdressedfortheofficeinhis
suitandtie,butaglanceattheclockonthemicrowaveconfirmedhewasabout
anhourlate.Clairefrowned.Kirkneversleptin.Inalltheirtwelveyearsof
marriage,she'dneverseenhimtardyforwork.

Automatically,shemovedtothecupboardwheretheykeptthemugs."Wouldyou
likecoffeeandamuffinfortheride?"

Kirkusuallygothisownbreakfastandwasoutofthehousebyseven-thirtyfor
hisforty-five-minutecommutetodowntownToronto.Heleftjustaboutthetime
therestofthemweregettingup.

"No."

Hisvoicesoundeddry.Heclearedhisthroatandsaidagain,"No,thanks."

She'dfoundthealuminummughenormallytookwithhiminthecar."Noteven
coffee?Ihavesomemade."

"That'sokay."

Sheputthemugbackandeyedherhusband.Hewasasimmaculatelydressedas
always,freshlyshaven,thecurlsinhisdarkblondhairneatlycombeddown,so
whydidhelookdifferent?

"Areyousick?"

Hesighedandsatonastoolbythecounteroftheislandthey'dinstalledwhen
they'dremodeledtheirkitchenthreeyearsago.

Somethingwarnedherthiswasserious,andClaireputahandtoherstomach,
whichwassuddenlyflippinglikethepancakesshe'dmadeforthegirlsthat
morning.

"What'swrong?"Couldhehavelosthisjob?He'dseemeddistractedlately;that
wasforsure.Buthewasthehighest-grossingbrokerattheoffice…

Orhadheguessed?Shetookadeepbreath,readytodefendherself.

"There'ssomethingI'vebeenmeaningtotalktoyouabout,"Kirksaid."AndI
didn'twantthegirlsaround."

"Oh?"Hemusthavefigureditout.Alltheusualsignswerethere.Notthathe'd
appearedtonoticeanyofthem.Whenwasthelasttimethey'dmadelove?.
Weeksago,shewassure.

"I'mafraidIdon'tknowwheretostart."Kirkwastalkingtoherbutnotlookingat
her.Andhisvoicewasdry,asifhewerenervous.

Clairewassuddenlyquitecertainthatherhusbandhadn'tguessed.Thathewas
talkingaboutsomethingcompletelyunrelatedtohermorningtelephonecall.

"What'stheproblem,Kirk?"

Hestillwouldn'tlookather."IknowIhaven'tbeenaroundmuchthesepastfew
months…"

No,hehadn't.Work—itwasalwaysworkwithKirk.Andfrankly,shewasgetting
sickofit.Thesedaysshefeltasthoughshewasraisingtheirthreedaughters
virtuallyonherown.

"Iguessthathasn'tbeenfairtoyou,andI'msorryaboutthat,"hecontinued.
"ButI'msureyou'llagreethatwecan'talwayspredictwhatlifehasinstorefor
us…"

Whatintheworldwashedrivingat?Afraidtointerrupt,Claireleanedback
againstthecounter,heranxietyescalating.

"WhatI'mtryingtosayisthatsometimesnewsituationsarise.Circumstancescan
change…"

Anxietybecamedread.Clairegrippedthecounterbehindher;whateverKirkwas
tryingtosay,ithadtobeawful.

Finally,theireyesconnected,thecontactquickandsharp,liketheplungingofa
dagger.

"Thethingis,Claire,I'vefalleninlovewithsomeoneelse."themotorfromthe
refrigeratorsuddenlykickedin—theonlysoundinthenow-stillroom.Claire
staredatthepolishedhardwoodfloorandfollowedthepatternofthewoodgrain
asitcircledroundandroundinever-narrowing,concentricovals.

Air.Itwasgone;shecouldn'tbreathe.Painstabbedintoherabdomenwith
shockingintensity.

Someoneelse.

Couldshehaveheardright?Musthave.Kirk'sexpressionashegazedatthe
kitchencounterwasmiserable.Hermindscurriedtomakesenseofthe
bombshell.

Inlovewithsomeoneelse?Itcouldn'tbe.ThiswasKirk.HerKirk.They'dtucked
intheirchildrentogetherlastnight,thensharedthesamebed.

Aspasmofbitternesstightenedherribcage;herstomachcramped;bilerosein
herthroat.

Shewasgoingtobesick.Butshecouldn't;shehadtostandhereandfacethis.
Howcouldithavehappened?Theanswerwaspainfullyobvious.Kirkalways
workedlonghours,andlatelythey'dbeenevenlongerthanusual.Hadthere
beenothersignsshe'dmissed?They'dbeenmakinglovelessfrequently.And
saying/loveyouevenless.

There'dbeenatime,notthatlongago,whenthey'dbothspokentheendearment
almostdaily.Nowshecouldn'trecallthelasttimeshe'dheardhimsayittoher,
notthegirls.

"Whoisshe?"Clairewasamazedathowcalmshesounded.Inmovies—because

thatwaswherestufflikethisusuallyhappened—didn'tthewomanstartranting
andravingatthispoint?Butshehadnostrengthforthat.Standing,chokingout
afewwordswerehardenough.

"Janice.Fromwork."

Claireknewthename.Knewthewoman."Wehadhertodinnerlastfall."

"Yes."Kirkglancedather,thenreturnedhisgazetothecounter.

No.Shecouldn'tbearthis.Itwastooawful.Itwastooimpossible.Janicewasa
brokerageassistant,almosttenyearsyoungerthanClaire.Afine-boned,slender
youngwoman,withlarge,lightbrowneyesandawide,generoussmile.

"Didn'tshejustseparatefromherhusband?"Clairerememberedherownlast-
minutepanicwhenKirkhadtoldhertosetonelessplaceonthetable.There'd
beeneightoftheminvitedfromtheoffice,untilJanice'shusbandhadcanceled
unexpectedly.

"They'redivorcednow.Shewentthrougharoughperiodwhentheydecidedto
split.Iguessthat'swhenitallgotgoingbetweenus.Sheneededsomeonetotalk
to,andIwashandy.Webegangoingoutforluncheverynowandthen,and…"

Claireturnedherbackandstartedunloadingthedishwasher.Shehadtodo
somethingorshe'dcrumpletotheflooror,worseyet,poundKirk'schest.

Kirkwaseasytotalkto.Orsosherememberedfromthedayswhenhe'dbeen
aroundenoughforhertohavetheopportunity.

"Sothat'swhereyou'vebeenthesepastfewmonthswhenyousaidyouwere
workinglate."Sheletthesaladplatesdropwithaclatterhithecupboard.

"Usually,Iwasworking."Hepausedbeforeadmitting,"Sometimeswewentoutto
dinner."

Dinner.Claireimaginedcandlelightandcleanlinens,wineandbeautifully
preparedentries.Whilesheateathomeatthekitchentable,alonewiththeir
threechildren.

Withaviolenttug,sheopenedthecutlerydrawerandtossedinknives,forks,
spoons,payingnoregardtowhichlittlecompartmenttheybelongedin.

"It'snotwhatyouthink,"Kirksaid."Wehaven'tbeensleepingtogether."

Sheslammedthedrawer."Howhonorable."

"God,Claire.Iwashopingwecouldtalkrationallyaboutthis—"

"Rationally?"Clairegrippedthehandleofastainless-steelknife,watchingasthe
blooddrainedfromherfingers."We'renottalkingstockmarketsorinvestment
portfolioshere.You'vejusttoldmeyou'reinlovewithsomeoneelse.Whatthe
helldoyouexpectfromme?"

Kirkstood,hishandsclenchedbyhisside."Iknowit'sashock.AllI'msayingis
weneedtotalk."

"Itsoundslikeweneededtotalkbeforeyoustartedthosecozylittlelunches
with…Janice."Tospitoutthenametookeffort.

"Maybe."

Sheheardhimpullinadeepbreath.

"Whataboutthekids?"

Clairestraightenedandglaredathim."Yes,whataboutthekids,Kirk?Didyou
everminkofthemwhenyouwerehavingyourlovelyromanticevenings?"

God.Herhusbandwasinlovewithanotherwoman.Thismanshe'dthoughtwas
herpartner,herlover,herfriendwasreallyastranger.Formonthshe'dbeen
lying,sneakingaroundbehindherback…

Claire'smemoryflashedtotheirweddingday,tohervibranthappiness.ToKirk's
lovinghandaroundher,steadyingherastheystoodinfrontofthechurchfullof
people.Toher,thatdayhadbeenperfect,despitetherain,themix-upabout
flowers,herfather'sramblingspeech.SheandKirkhadbeeninlove.Theytruly
had.

Andnowhe'dfalleninlovewithsomeoneelse.Theirmarriagehadendedafter
justtwelveyears.Theramificationscrashedthroughhermind.Shewasgoingto
beonherown,raisingthreechildren.Wouldshehavetogobacktowork?Putthe
girlsinafter-schoolcare?Theninsevenmonths…

Oh,God.Whatwasshegoingtodo?

"Ididn'tplanit,Claire."

Asifthatmadeanydifference.

Hebegantopace.Finally,hestoppedinfrontofher."Whatdoyouwant?I'lldo
whateveryousay."

Hewasinlovewithsomeoneelse.Whatdidheexpecthertosay?

"Leave."Sheclosedthedishwasherdoor,unabletobearlookingathim.Hewasa

liar,atraitor.Maybehe'dneverevenlovedher."Thesoonerthebetter."

"Andtonight?"

"Idon'tcarewhereyoustay.Justnothere."

"Areyousure?"

Whataquestion.Shewasn'tsureofanythinganymore.Howcouldshebe,after
whathe'djusttoldher?Clairekeptherfaceavertedasshepickeduptheroast
she'dtakenouttothawearlier.

Thursdaywasoneofthefewnightsthatthegirlswerefree.Nodanceclasses,no
soccer.She'dplannedonmakinganicemealandphoningKirkatworktoseeifhe
couldcomehomeintimetoeatwiththem.Thenlater,perhapsthey'dallwatcha
videotogether.

Shewentintothelaundryroomtoreturntheroasttothefreezer.Whileshewas
theresheheardtheelectricgaragedooropen.Whenshecameout,hewasgone.

Clairesankontothechairbythephoneshe'dusedonlytwentyminutesearlier
andglancedatthecalendar.Withshakinghands,sheflippedpastthemonths.
June,July,August,September,October,November,December,January.Withone
ofthegirls'washablemarkerssheputabigcrossoverthefifteenth.Theduedate
forherfourthchild.

Clairewenttothebathroomandthrewup.Itwasn'tmorningsickness.Shehadn't
beennauseousduringherpreviouspregnancies,andshewasalmostatherfirst
trimester.

"Yourpregnancytestcamebackpositive,"thenursehadtoldher.
"Congratulations."

Congratulations.Ha.Tenminuteslaterherhusbandwastellingherhewasinlove
withanotherwoman.Incredibletiming.

Andtothinkshe'dfelthemighthavefiguredoutshewaspregnant.Obviously,his
mindhadbeenoccupiedwiththingsotherthanhiswifeforquitesometimenow.

Ormaybehehadn'tguessedbecause,likeher,hehadn'twantedtoknow.Bothof
themhadbeenthrilledabouttheirfirstthreekids,butthey'dneverplannedona
fourth.Infact,forthepastfewyearsKirkhadbeentalkingaboutgettinga
vasectomy.

Maybenowhewouldn't.Janicewasyoungandshedidn'thaveanychildren.

Clairesplashedcoldwateronherface.Shecouldn'tstandtothinkofKirk

remarrying,startinganewfamily.Howwouldthegirlsfeelabouttheirfather
beginninganewlifewithsomeoneelse?

Hewastheirdaddy.

Hewasherhusband.

Orsoshe'dthought.

Oh,God.Oh,God,shecouldn'tstandtothinkaboutthat.AbouthimandJanice…

Aboutwhatlifewasabouttobecome.Howcouldthisbehappeningtoher,Claire
Ridgeway,thewomanwhohaditall?Beautifulchildren;asuccessful,handsome
husband;alovelyhome;aluxuriouscottageinMuskoka.Shebelongedtothe
schoolcouncil,volunteeredattheschoollibraryandwasrenownedforher
fabulousdinnerparties.

Shehadneverthoughtshedennedherselfintermsofherhusband,butnowshe
realizedhowtheirlifetogetherunderpinnedeverythingshedid.Ifthey
separated,herlifewouldchangeinalmosteveryimaginableway.Aswouldtheir
children's.

ShethoughtaboutthewaythegirlsalwayscamerunningwhentheyheardKirk
enterthroughthegarage."Daddy'shome!Daddy'shome!"

Wouldsheeverhearthosewordsagain?

Wouldtheyevenbeabletoaffordtostayinthesamehouse?Maybeshe'dhave
tomovewiththekidstoacondo.

Sheneededalawyer.BuddyConroy,anoldfriendfromPortCarling,jumpedto
mind.He'dgoneintosemiretirementthisyear,butsurelyhe'dhandlethiscasefor
her.They'dknowneachotherforever,hewaspracticallyfamily.

Divorce.Funnyhowshe'dneverfeltitcouldhappentoher.Nowthatitwas
staringherintheface,shewonderedwhyshehadn'tseenitcoming.

Clairethoughtaboutthepeopletheywouldhavetotell.Kirk'smother,inthe
nursinghomejustafewmilesfromtheirhouse.Herownparents,who'dretiredto
Floridalastyear.Allthen-family,alltheirfriends…

Oh,God.Oh,God…

Atleasttheschoolyearwasendingnextweek.They'dhavethesummertosort
througheverything.Ifthechildrenhadtochangeschools,they'dbeabletostart
freshinSeptember.

"Marriagesfallaparteveryday,"shetoldherreflection."Otherwomenlive
throughit.Sowillyou."

Buthow?

Clairemovedclosertothemirrorandstaredintohereyes,eyesthatKirkclaimed
werethecoloroftheirisesthatbloomedeveryspringundertheirfrontwindow.
Whowasthiswomanstaringbackather?

Awife.Amother.Whoelse?Whatdidotherpeoplesee?Whatdidtheythink?

Claireblinkedandtriedtoberealistic.Maybeshelookedgoodforawomaninher
latethirties,buttherewasnoquestionshe'dlefthertwentiesbehind.Foryears
she'dbeenrelyingonherhairdressertomaintainthepaleyellowhaircolorofher
youth.Andherbody…

Clairesmoothedthecottonshirtthatlayoverherbelly,alreadyfeelingthe
swellingthatwasherbaby.AndKirkhadn'tevennoticed…

Maybehe'dthoughtshewasjustgainingmoreweight.She'dneverlostthoselast
fivepoundsafterJenna…

Squaringhershoulders,shestraightened.Shecaughtherreflectioninthemirror
again.Notmuchchangefromtheimageshe'dseenthatmorningwhileshe'd
brushedherteethandwashedherface,followingthesamepatternaseveryother
morning,gettingherselfdressedbeforeshewokethegirlstoreadythemfor
school.

Yes,shelookedthesame,butinsideshefeltlikeacompletelydifferentperson.
Withonesentence,herworldhadshifted.

Whateverhappened,itwouldneverbethesameagain.

CHAPTERTHREE

"MOMMY,WHERE'SMYBRUSH?"

"DoIhavetohaveabath?"

"DidItellyoumyscienceprojectisduetomorrow?"

Clairecheckedherwatch,andhertemper.Soontheywouldbeinbed,andshe'd
havethepeaceandquietshecraved.Noneofthiswastheirfault,andshehadto
protectthemasbestshecould.Thatmeantactingnormal,eventhoughherentire
bodyburnedwiththepainthathadthreatenedtoswampherallday.

"IthinkIsawyourhairbrushonthecoffeetableinthefamilyroom,"shetold

Jenna."GogetitandI'lldoyourhairforyou."

Therewerefourbedroomsonthesecondstory.Themasterbedroomwasonone
sideofthewidehall,whichopenedtothevaultedceilingofthelivingroombelow,
andthegirls'bathroomandbedroomswereontheother.

Privacywasgettingtobeabigdealnow,especiallywithAndie,whowasten,and
Daisy,whowaseight.Claireknockedatthebathroomdoor,thenpeeredinside.
Daisywassittingonthefloor,herheadbentoverabookofArchiecomics.

"Yes,youmusthaveabam.It'sThursday,isn'tit?"

Daisylookedupthroughascreenofcurls."Butthatisn'tfair.Whydon'tAndie
andJennahavetohavebathstonight?"

"BecauseIlikethemmorethanIlikeyou."Clairesighed.Daisyknewthatthe
othergirlshadtakentheirbathsonWednesdaywhileshewasathersoccergame.
Shewasjustbeingfractious.

"Youknow,whenyouwerelittle,youusedtoloveagoodsoak."Claireputthe
stopperinthetubandturnedonthefaucet.

"Butthewaterwillmakemypagessoggy."

Clairetookthecomicbookfromherdaughter'shands."Youcanreadwhenyou're
inbed.Anddon'tforgettowashyourhair."Sheranahandoverherdaughter's
softblondhair.BothDaisyandJennasharedhercoloring,althoughDaisyhad
somehowendedupwithnaturalcurls,likeAndie.Only,Andie'shairwasred.A
brilliantorange,actually.ClaireandKirkhadneverfiguredoutwherethathad
comefrom.

Kirk.Justthinkingthenamewasliketouchingahotiron.Evenabriefsecond
couldburn.

Clairecheckedthewatertemperature,thenturnedoffthetap."Pleaseremember
touseconditioner,"sheaddedbeforesheclosedthebathroomdoor.

ShewalkeddownthehalltoAndie'sroom."Isyourassignmentalmostdone?"

"Ihaven'tevenstarted."Andiewaslyingonherbed,playingherGameBoy.
Clairestoodinthedoorway,wonderingwhathadhappenedtothestraight-A
studentsocompulsiveaboutdoingherhomeworkthemomentshecamehome
fromschool.

"Don'tyouthinkyoushould?"

Andiedidn'tevenglanceupfromherhandheldelectronicgame."Iforgotmy

booksatschool."

"Oh,well.I'msurethatwillbeokay,men.It'snotlikethisprojectisgoingto
affectyourfinalgrade,isit?"

"Itonlycountsfortwentypercent,"Andieexplained.Aseriesofhigh-pitched
beepsseemedtogetherexcited.Shemovedclosertoherlamp,fingersdancing
alongthesmallbuttonsatthebottomofthegame."Yes!I'vegothim!"

Clairesatattheedgeofherbed."Andie,couldyouturnthatoff?Weneedto
talk."

"Ifoundmybrush!"Jennacameintotheroom,smiling,wavingthebrushlikea
trophy.

"Wouldyougetoutofhere?"Andiesnapped."Youdidn'tevenknock.''

Jenna'sbrowcreasedandhersmileslippedaway.Shelookedathermother
uncertainly.

"Andie,turnthatgameoffthisminute.Ifyou'veforgottenyourhomework,then
you'renotallowedtoplayvideogames.Youcanread,ifyouwant.I'llbebackto
talkonceJenna'sinbed."

Clairestoodupandwalkedtothedoorway,gazingbackathereldestdaughter.
Andiehadchangedthisyear.Shewasactingsomuchlikearebelliousteenthatit
washardtoremembershewasonlyten.

Maybeitwastheredhah".

AfterbrushingJenna'shair,Clairewentbacktotheclosedbathroomdoor.

"Daisy,areyoustillinthebath?"

"Yeah."

"Well,it'stimetocomeoutnow."

"Idon'twantto."

OnabetterdayClairewouldhaveseenthehumor.Buttodaywasdefinitelynot
oneofherbetterdays."Getoutrightnow,Daisy.Andremembertoletthewater
outofthetub."Shehatedwhenthekidsforgottopulltheplug.Invariably,she
wouldn'trealizeuntillater,whenshewasdoingherlate-nightcheckbefore
turninginherself.Coldwater,soapscumfloatingonthesurface…Sheshivered,
thinkingabouthavingtoinsertherhandtoreleasetheplug.

BackinJenna'sroomshefoundthesix-year-oldsnuggledbeneathherquilt.

"Willyousingtome,Mommy?"

"Ofcourse."She'dcroonedlullabiestoallthreegirlswhentheyweresmall.Funny
howshecouldn'trememberwhenorwhyshe'dstoppedwiththeothertwo.But
shewasgladJennastillenjoyedtheritual.

Aftertwofavorites,Clairestooduptoleave.

Jennagrabbedherhand."Mommy,when'sDaddycominghome?"

"He'sawayforafewdays,"sheimprovised.

"Onanotherbusinesstrip?"

Clairenodded."You'llseehimsoon,sweetheart."

Shebackedintothehall,painknifingherinthemiddle.Howwassheevergoing
totellherchildrenthetruth?

Itwasallsohorrible.Andsocompletelyunexpected.Kirk,inlovewithanother
woman.Sheneverwouldhavebelievedit—especiallygivenhisparents'divorce,
hisexperiencesasachild.

BacktoAndie,whowasreadingwithheroldstuffeddinosaurshovedagainsther
chest,justunderherchin.Palelightshonefromalampbesideherdesk,allowing
ClairetomakeouttheshapesofthepostcardsAndiehadtackedalloverher
walls.

"DidyousayDaddywasonabusinesstrip?"

LyingtoAndiewasharder.Shewasolder,andhertiestoherfatherwerevery
close."Whydoyouthinkyouforgottobringyourassignmenthome,hon?"

"Idon'tknow.Ijustforgot."Andietwistedastrandofherhairandputitinher
mouth.

Clairewincedatthecrunchingsoundofherdaughter'steethonthehair."Please
don'tdothat,Andie.It'ssuchadisgustinghabit."

Andietuckedherhairbehindherear,sighedandrolledoverontoherback."Why
amItheonlyonehithefamilywhodoesn'thaveblondhair?Redissuchanugly
color.Ihateit."

"Ipromiseyouwon'twhenyou'reolder."

Andiesighedagain."WhenisDaddycominghome?"

"I'mnotsure.Buthewon'tbehappytohearyouhaven'tbeendoingyour
homework."

Notthatthiswasthefirsttime.Andie'sinterestinschoolhadstartedtowane
aboutthesametimeasherfriendshipwithagirlnamedErinhadended,shortly
afterChristmas.Therehadtobesomeconnection,butClairehadn'tbeenableto
findit.

"Makesureyoubringithometomorrow,okay?"

"It'llbetoolatebythen."

Andwhosefaultwouldthatbe?Clairebitbackthesarcasticcomment.Criticism
wouldn'thelp.Atleast,sofarithadn't.

NowAndiefrowned."Daddydidn'tsayanythingaboutgoingawaylastnightwhen
hetuckedmein."

"Ithinkitwasalast-minutetrip."Whichwassortoftrue,wasn'tit?Clairebent
downtogiveAndieagood-nightkiss.

"Iloveyou,Andrea."Sheranherfingersoverherdaughter'ssoftcheek.

"Loveyou,too,Mom."bythetimeallthreegirlsweretuckedinitwasnine-thirty.
Clairesatinthefamilyroom,staringatatabletshewasholdinginherhand.
She'dfoundthebottleofherbalsleepingpillssittinginthemedicinecabinet.Kirk
musthaveboughtthem;she'dneverseenthembefore.Constantactivityhad
madeitpossibletogetthroughtheday.Buthowwasshegoingtosurvivethe
night?

Shetookoutthesheafofinstructionsandwasn'tsurprisedwhenshesawthatthe
productwasn'trecommendedforpregnantwomen.Shedroppedthetabletbackin
thebottleandwonderedwhattodonow.

Ifonlyshecouldhaveastiffbrandy.Sherememberedthehomemadevarietya
friend'smotherusedtomakeandsmilednostalgically.

Drew,MalloryandGrady.Oldfriendsfromhappierdays,whensheandher
parentshadspenttheirsummersattheirluxuriouscottageonLakeRosseau,a
fewmilesfromtheresorttownofPortCarling.Thosehadbeendaysofdreams
andplans,dayswhenthefuturewasfullofwonderfulpossibilities.

Whatwouldherfriendssaywhentheyheardwhathadhappened?Clairecovered
herfacewithherhands.Oh,butitwasawful,andshewaspregnantontopof
everything.

Thispoorunbornchild.

Clairemovedherhandstoherstomach.Shewasexhausted,butitseemed
unlikelyshe'dbeabletosleep.Whatshereallywantedwastogatherallthree
girlsintoherking-sizebed—thebedsheandKirkhadsharedforsomanyyears—
andholdthemclose.Alldayshe'dcravedafewminutesalone;nowthatshehad
them,shemissedherchildren.

Thephonerang,astartlingsoundinthequiethouse.

"Hello?"

ItwasKirk.Hisfamiliarvoicemadeherthroattighten.Howmanytimesinthe
pastsixmonthshadhecalledataboutthishourtotellhernottowaitupforhim?
Sheheldherbreath,waitingtoseewhathewanted.

"Arethegirlsasleep?"

"Ithinkso."

"CanIcomeovertotalk?"

"No."Shedidn'twanttoseehim;couldn'tstandtoseehim.

Orwasthattrue?Didn'tapartofherlongforhimtowrapherinhisarmsandtell
herhedidn'tloveJanice;helovedher?

"Ineedclothesfortomorrow,Claire.I'vebookedintoahotelclosetotheoffice,
butIdon'thaveanythingwithme.I'llhavetopackasuitcase."

Claire'schestcompressedwithpain.Ahotel.Asuitcase.Justhearinghimsaythe
wordsmadetheirseparationallsoreal.Thistrulywashappening,anditwas
happeningtoher.

"Whatever,Kirk.Youhaveakey."Shehungupthephoneandwentupstairsto
makesurethegirlswereasleep.Lookingattheirsoftsmoothfaces,relaxedin
sleep,Clairefeltthedampnessofasingletearinthecornerofhereye.She
blotteditwithherfingertip.Kirkwouldbecomingsoon;shewouldn'tcrynow.

Afterstoppinginthegirls'bathroomtoletoutthetepidwater,shewenttoher
bedroom.Thelightinthewalk-inclosetwason.Shepausedatthedoorway,
observingthatKirk'sclothinghadbeenpushedtooneside,revealingthesuitcase
onwheelsthathetookonhisbusinesstrips.

Hadhemovedhisclothesoverthismorning?Shedidn'tremembernoticingwhen
she'dvacuumedearlier.

Claireshutthedoorandwentbackdownstairs.Inthekitchenshewarmedamug
ofmilk.Thewhiroftheautomaticgarageopenerdrownedoutthebeepsfromthe

microwave.Shesatatthecounterandwatchedaskinbegintoformoverthe
milk,thenlistenedastheconnectingdoortothegarageopenedandfootsteps
clickedonthehardwoodfloor.

Hepausedwhenhesawher.

"Howareyoudoing?"

Shedidn'tlookup."Justpeachy."

"I'msorry,Claire."

Sorry.Thatwassomething,shesupposed.Shefirmedherjawandmethisgaze.
"Whatareyougoingtodo,Kirk?Areyougoingtomoveinwithher?Marryher?
Havechildrenwithher?"

Heclosedhiseyesbriefly."Idon'tknow.Icertainlyhaven'tmadeanyplans.How
canIwhenyouandI—"

"Doyouwantadivorce?"Oh,howcalmshesounded.Itwasamiracle,whenwhat
shereallywantedwastoyellandscream.

"Idon'tknow."Hesoundedmiserable.

"I'vetoldthegirlsyou'reawayonabusinesstrip.That'llgiveusafewdaysto
decidewhattosaytothem.Andhow."

Shefeltthesecondtearbutdidn'treachforit.Kirkwouldn'tseeit;thelightwas
dim.Instead,shepokedattheskinonhermilk.Itwrinkledandshepusheditto
theedgeofthemug.

ShecouldfeelKirk'seyesonher.Watching.Atthatmomentsherealizedthather
romanticmemoriesoftheirweddingdayhadbeenasham.Apartofherhad
alwaysexpectedthiswouldhappentothem.

"Packyourbag,Kirk.Packyourbagandleave."

CHAPTERFOUR

Onthelastdayofschool,thegirlsbroughthometheirreportcards.Clairewasn't
surprisedwhenonlyDaisyandJennadugtheirseagerlyoutoftheirbackpacks.
Sheoohedandaahedovertheirgoodmarksandthepositivecommentsfrom
theirteachers.ThensheturnedtoAndie.

"Howaboutyourreportcard,hon?"

"It'sinhere."Andietossedamanilaenvelopeontothecounter,"CanIhavea
snack?I'mstarved."

"Sure.Icutupsomecheeseandapples."Claireopenedtheflapandslidoutthe
form.Theresultshadhercatchingherbreath.Therewerethreereportingdates
intheschoolyear,andAndie'sgradesshowedasteadydecline.Theselastresults
weretheworstyet.

"Oh,Andie."

"Idon'tcare."Andiebitintoapieceofapple."Idon'tevenlikeschool."

"Butyouusedtoloveit."

Clairereadthroughtheteacher'scomments."Partofthereasonyourmarksare
solowisthatyouhaven'tbeenfinishingyourassignments.Andie,whathas
gottenintoyou?"

"Havingtogotoschoolalldayisbadenough.WhyshouldIhavetoworkwhenI
gethome,too?"Andieswiveledonherstool."When'sDaddycominghome?He's
beengonealongtime."

ClairereachedforanotherGrannySmithappleandcarefullycutitintofours.Her
daughterhadneatlyturnedthetableswiththatlastcomment.Almostaweekhad
passedsinceshe'daskedKirktomoveout.Afterthatfirstnighthe'dphoned
everyeveningtotalktothegirls.Butthefamilycouldn'tgoonthisway
indefinitely.ThankGodsummerholidayswerehere.She'dtakethegirlstothe
cottageatLakeRosseau,asusual.

Whenwouldthegirlsseetheirfather?Clairedidn'twanttothinkaboutthat.She
supposedthey'dhavetomakesomesortofarrangement.

Butjusttheideamadeherfeelnauseousagain.

"He'llbehomesoon,Andie."Thewordssoundedreassuring,butinside,Claire
knewshewasaliar.Suretheirfatherwouldbehomesoon.Butforhowlong?

"daddy!"

Allthreegirlsrushedfortheirfather,whowasholdingatableforthematthe
localpizzaparlor.Kirkhadphonedshortlyafterthegirlsgothome

fromschool,tosuggesttheycelebratetheendoftheschoolyearwithdinnerout.

"Whywasyourbusinesstripsolong,Daddy?"Jennareacheduptotouchhisface,
hishair.Onhisotherside,Andieheldtightlytohisfreehand,whileDaisyhugged
himaroundthewaist.

Clairecompressedherlipsandblinked,afraidthatshewasgoingtocry.Her

husband,althoughaswelldressedandhandsomeasusual,lookeddrawn.The
smilehewaswearingwassurelyforced.Overthechildren'sheads,hesoughther
gaze,hisgrayeyesanxiousandquestioning.

Claireturnedaway,concentrating,instead,onherchairasshepulleditoutand
satdown.SheadjustedthecutleryinfrontofherasKirkkissedthegirls,then
pulledJennaontohislap.

"I'vemissedyou,peanut."Hepressedhisfaceintoherhair."I'vemissedyouall."

Claireknewbetterthantoincludeherselfinthatlist.Shereviewedthefamiliar
menubriefly,certainshewouldn'teatabite.Watchingthegirlsfallovertheir
fatherwassopainful.Hetrulywastheirhero,amanwhocoulddonowrong.
Clairedidn'twantthemtolosethattrust,anymorethanshewantedto
jeopardizeanythingintheirsecurelittleworld.

"ShirleyTemples,girls?"Kirkaskedwhenthewaiterhovered.

Claireorderedasodawater.

"Nobeer?"Kirkaskedwithraisedeyebrows.Theyalwayshadbeerwithpizza.

"Notthistime."Shehadtotellhimaboutthebaby;sheknewthat.Atthree
monthswithAndie,herwaisthadstillbeenslender.Butthiswasherfourthchild,
andshewasalreadyoutofanyclothingwithafixedwaistband.Leggingsandan
oversizedshirtcouldhidealot.Butnotformuchlonger.

Besides,thebabywasarealitythathadtobefaced.

"So,girls,"Kirksaid."Howwerethereportcards?"

ClairenoticedAndieshrinkbackintoherseat,lettinghersisterstakethe
limelight.

"Iimprovedinlanguageartsandinmath,"Daisysaidproudly.

"AndmyteachersaidI'magood'tributortogroupdiscussions,"Jennaadded.

Kirklaughed."I'lljustbetyouare.Thatsoundsterrific,girls.Andwhatabout
Andie?"

Redcurlsshookfromsidetoside.Andie'sfacewassolowitappearedshewas
searchingforsomethingunderthetable.

"Didn'tyouhaveagoodreport?"KirkglancedworriedlyatClaire,thenbackto
theireldestdaughter.

"Ihavetogotothebathroom."Andie'svoicequaveredassheslidoutofherchair

andrantothebackoftherestaurant.

KirklookedatClaire.

"Andiedroppedgradesinalmosteverysubjectexceptlanguagearts."Claire
pushedbackherchairandthrewherpapernapkinonthetable.

"Idon'tunderstand."Kirkfrowned.Likeher,hewasusedtoacademicexcellence
fromAndie.

"ItstartedwiththeMarchreportcard,"Claireremindedhim."Unfortunately,her
marksareevenlowernow.Especiallyinmathandscience.I'mgoingtoseeifI
canhelp."

Thebathroomhadfacilitiesforonepersonatatime,andthedoorwaslocked
whenClairegotthere.

"Andrea?"shecalledgently."Areyouokay,hon?"

Therewasnoresponse.

"Pleaseletmein.Weneedtotalk."No,nottalk.WhatClairereallywantedwasto
holdherdaughterinherarms.Thepoorchildwasprobablyupsetabouthaving
disappointedherfather.

ThespecialbondbetweenKirkandAndiehadformedintheweeksafterAndie's
birth.Claire'srecoveryfromanunplannedC-sectionhadbeenslowandKirkhad
takentwoweeksofffromworktocarefortheirnewbabyandhisbedriddenwife.

"Goaway,Mom."

KnowingthatAndiewashurtingdidn'tmakethewordsanylesswounding.Not
thatlongagoakissandhugfromMommycouldbanishalmostanyproblem.
Thesedaysthereseemedsolittleshecoulddotohelp.

Swallowinghard,Clairetriedagain."Please,Andie.Letmein."

"Leavemealone."

Reluctantly,Clairereturnedtothetable.Theserverhadbroughttheirdrinks,and
JennaandDaisywerebusyremovingorangewedgesandmaraschinocherries
fromthelittleplasticswordsthatrestedonthetopoftheirglasses.

SheglancedatKirk,whowasholdinghisbeerbuthadn'tdrunkanyofit."She
doesn'twanttotalktome."

"Let'sgiveherafewmoments,"hesuggested."Lethercomebackonherown
terms."

Clairewasn'tconvincedthatwastherightapproach,butsureenough,afterabout
tenminutesAndiereappearedandslidintoherchair.Thepizzahadarrivedby
then,andClaireinchedasliceofpepperoni-and-cheeseontoAndie'splate.

Reportcardsweren'tmentionedagain,andthegirlsateravenously.Inallthe
commotion,Clairedoubtedifanyonenoticedthatshedidlittlemorethantearher
pizzaintobits,butastheyrosetoleave,shefoundKirkatherelbow,pullingback
herchair.

"Nothungry,Claire?"

Hesoundedworried.Forasecondsheclosedhereyes,smellingthefainttangof
hisaftershave,feelingthebrushofhisarmsagainstherback.

Tellmethishasallbeenahorribledream.Tellmethisisjustanormalfamilynight
out.

Tellmelies.

"Andieseemstobefeelingbetter,"hesaid.

Shenodded."Maybethetwoofyoushouldhaveatalk."

"Iagree.Howabouttonight?"

Shepaused.ThegirlshadrushedaheadtoKirk'ssedan,whichhe'dunlockedwith
theremotecontrolonhiskey.

"Ihavetocomehome,Claire.ThegirlsknowI'mbackfromthatso-called
businesstrip."

"Idon'tknow,Kirk."Ithadbeenalmostaweek,yetshestillfeltsouncertain
aboutwhichwaytoproceed.Theyhadtotellthegirls,buthow?

"Iphonedafamilycounselor,"Kirktoldher."Shesaidshe'sseensituationslike
oursbeforeandshecautionedagainsthastydecisions.Heradvicewasthatuntil
weresolvetheissuesbetweenus,weshouldtrytokeepthingsasnormalas
possibleforthesakeofthechildren."

"Beforewedecideforsurethatwe'regettingadivorce?"

Kirk'seyesdropped."Maybe.Idon'tknow,Claire…"

"Inotherwords,youwanttostaymarriedbutcontinuetoseeyourgirlfriend."

Heflushed."AllI'maskingisthatweprotectthekidswhilewe'reworkingthis
out."

"Andthatmeans…?"

"Imovebackintothehouse."

Claireshookherhead.HavingKirkbackhomewouldbewonderfulforthegirls,
butitwouldcreateanimpossiblesituationforher."Doyouexpecttosleepinour
room?Withme?"

"Wouldn'tthekidsthinkitwasstrangeifIdidn't?"

Thiswasn'tfair.Yetshecouldn'trefuse.Andie,forsure,wouldquestionamoveto
thecouchinthedownstairsoffice.

"Isuppose.Foronenight."

TwocreasesetchedKirk'sforehead."Onenight?"

"TomorrowI'mtakingthemtothecottageforthesummer."

"Whataboutswimminglessons?"

Usually,theystayedinthecityuntilthegirlshadfinishedtwoweeksofswimming
lessonsatthelocalcommunitycenter."Ithinkwe'llskipthemthisyear."

Kirk'seyeswereasmokygray.Inagoodmood,theylightenedtothesilveryhue
ofweatheredcedar.Inmoreseriousmoods,likenow,theyremindedherofthe
summerstormcloudsoverthecottageonhot,humidevenings.

"I'mgoingtowanttoseethemeveryweekend,"hesaid.

"That'llbemorethanothersummers."

Clairefoldedandsortedthegirls'laundryhithemasterbedroomwhileKirkgot
themsettledforthenight.Thedoorwasopenandshecouldhearthefamiliar
soundsfromdownthehallasthegirlsputonjammiesandbrushedtheirteeth,all
muchmorewillinglyforKirkthanwhenshewassupervising.

"Ihavealoosetooth,Daddy,"Daisysaid.

"SodoI,"addedJenna."Myfirstone!Isitreadytocomeout?"

"Let'ssee."TherewasapauseasKirknodoubtexaminedthetoothinquestion.
"Notquiteyet.Maybeafewmoreweeks,Jenna.Yourslooksclose,though,Daisy.
Shouldwetrythestringtrick?"

"No,no…"Daisydidn'tlikeblood.

"Okay,"Kirksaid."Wedon'thavetodothat.It'llcomeoutonitsown.Boy,the

toothfairysureisgoingtobebusyaroundthishouse,isn'tshe?"

"Da-ad."Thiscame,condescendingly,fromAndie.

"What?"Kirkasked,hisvoiceallinnocence.

Adoorslammed.ClaireaddedDaisy'ssoftyellowsweatshirttoapileandsmiled.
ShecouldjustimaginetheexpressionthathadprecededAndie'sdramatic
departure.

"Okay."Kirkclappedhishands.''I'lltuckDaisyinfirst,thenI'llsingJennaher
songs.Afterthatwe'regoingtohavealittletalk,Andie."

Thereweremuffledwordsfrombehindthecloseddoor.

ClairetookAndie'spileofclothes,passingKirkinthehallwayashefollowedDaisy
toherroom.

"Excuseme."Sheloweredherheadandangledherbodytoedgebyhim.Fora
momentshethoughthisgazesettledonherthickeningmiddle,buthedidn'tsay
anything.ShetappedonAndie'sdoor.

"Here'syourlaundry.Ievenfoundapairofjeanshithebaskettoday—Ican't
imaginehowthathappened."

Theroomwasdarkalready,andAndiewassettledhibed.Clearly,shewasn'tin
themoodtobeteased.Wassheeverthesedays?

Clam;puttheclothesinthedresser,thenpausedattheheadofthebedand
strokedAndie'sforehead."Areyouokay,honey?"

Andieblinked."IsDaddygoingtobemadatme?"

"Whywouldhebe?"

"Becauseofmygrades."

Clairesighedandsatdown.Andiewasassensitivetotheopinionsofothers,
especiallyherfather,asherfairskinwastothesun."Doyouthinkyoutriedyour
hardestatschoolthisyear?"

Andiepulledthecoversoverherface,leavingjustherpaleblueeyesexposed."I
don'tknow."

"Maybeyou'realittledisappointedyourselfwithyourgrades?"

Andie'sfacereddened;hereyesfilledwithtears.

Clairebentovertokisshercheek."Iloveyou,Andrea."

"Iloveyou,too,Mom."

"We'regoingtohaveagreatsummer.Haveyoudecidedwhichfriendyou'dliketo
invitetojoinusforafewweeks?YouandCourtneyhadalotoffunlastyear."

Andiewassilentforawhile,thensheturnedtofacetheoppositewall."Idon't
wanttoinviteanyone."

Lately,itwasalwayslikethiswheneverClairetriedtosuggestanoutingora
sleepoverwithafriend."But,Andie—"

"Ijustwantittobefamily.Okay?Iseeenoughofmyfriendsatschooland
soccer."

"Areyousure?I'venoticedyoudon'tenjoyplayingwithyoursistersasmuchas
youusedto."

"Justfamily,"sheinsisted."IsDaddycomingwithustothecottage?"

"Youknowhehastowork.Buthe'llbethereweekends."

Withafinalpartingkiss,ClairelefttogetDaisy'sclothes.Daisywasburrowed
underherquiltwhenClairewalkedintheroom.

"GuesswhatIam,Mom?"

"Abearhibernatinginwinter?"ClaireopenedadrawerandputawayDaisy's
underwear.

Giggleseruptedfromunderthecovers."Nope."

"Anarcheologistexploringacave?"

"Wrongagain!"

"Igiveup."

"I'matooth!"Sheliftedthecovershighoverherhead."See?Thecoversaremy
mouth."

ClairelaughedandbrushedherhandoverDaisy'smop."Nochewingthesheets,
okay?Eventeethneedtorestnowandthen.Goodnight,Daisy."

Backinthehall,ClairewasstoppedcoldbythesoundofKirksingingatraditional
IrishlullabytoJenna.

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra,Hushnowdon'tyoucry.

Tearsstung,andherbreathcaughtinherthroat.Hisvoicewassogentle,sofull
ofpromiseshemustknowhecouldn'tkeep.Onthelastlinehelostit,paused,
thenstartedagainonawobbly,falsenote.Jennacoveredforhim,herbabyvoice
onkey.Andthenitwasover.

"That'sokay,Daddy,"Jennaquicklyreassuredhim."It'sasadsong,isn'tit,
Daddy?"

Later,Claireundressedinthebathroomoffthemasterbedroom.Whenshe
emerged,shehadheroldterryrobehanginglooselyaroundher,beltundoneso
shewouldn'tdrawattentiontohermiddle.

Kirkwasalreadyinbed,readingbythelightofabedsidelamp.Helookedup
whenhesawher,andshewassuddenlydrymouthed,awareofhiminawayshe
hadn'tbeenhiyears.Kirk'sjobwassedentary,buthekeptinshapebyswimming
threemorningsaweek,andasaresulthisupperbodywasstillpowerful,with
well-definedmusclesandnoexcessbodyweight.

Herownexerciseroutineconsistedofjoggingupanddownthestairsabouta
hundredtimesaday,yetsomehowshedidn'tseemtoachievethesameresults.

Carefultoavoideyecontact,Clairewenttohersideofthebed.Kirkalwaysslept
inapah-ofboxershorts,butgiventhechangeintheircircumstances,she'd
thoughthe'daddaT-shirt,aswell.Apparently,he'dseennoneedforanything
different.

Shehad.Insteadofherusualsilkyteddy,she'dchosenthelongcottonnightgown
thegirlshadgivenherlastMother'sDay.

Afterunfasteningherwatch,sheslidherhousecoatoverhershoulders.Still
facingthewall,shesaid,"Thisistooweird."

"Justsleepwithyourbacktowardme.Itisn'tasifyouhaven'thadthepractice."

"What?"Sheglancedbackathim."Areyoutryingtosaythisismyfault?"

"No."Hesighed."No."

Itwasallsounfair.Theirlifewasinnuns,andKirklaytherereadinginbedas
thoughnothinghadhappened."WhataboutJanice?Howdoesshefeelaboutyou
sleepingatthehousewithme?"

"JaniceknowsI'mmarried."

Angerflashedinsideher.OfcourseJaniceknewhewasmarried.Hadn'tClaire

servedthewomanbeeftenderloinwithfive-peppersaucehithisveryhouse?To
thinkshehadactuallyfussedoverthetimingofachocolatesouffleforthat
woman.Andserveditwithanabsolutelyflawlessvanillasauce.Ifshe'donly
known.Gelatinwouldhavebeentoogood…

ButwhyblameJanice?Kirkwastheoneshewasmarriedto;Kirkwastheone
who'dvowedhisfidelity.

Claireturnedoffthelightonhersideofthebed.Thetruthwas,Kirkwasa
successful,good-lookingguy.Hismeticulousattentiontodetailcoulddrivea
personcrazyattimes,buthewasalsoanincrediblypatientman,capableofgreat
tenderness.

NowonderJanicehadthrowncautionasideandfallenhilovewithhim.Her
marriagewasover,shehadnothingtolose.

"Claire?"

Shehalfturned,andwatchedasKirkremovedtheglassesheusedforreading.

"I'masconfusedasyouarerightnow.Ifwecouldonlytalk…"

SohecouldtellhermoredetailsabouthisaffairwithJanice?Orexplainhowthe
affairwasreallyClaire'sfault?Sheshookherhead.

"Whataboutwithacounselorpresent?Wouldthatmakeyoufeelmore
comfortable?''

Clairewrappedherarmsaroundhermiddle.Shedidn'tneedacounselorto
understandthatshecouldn'tstaymarriedtoamanwhowasinlovewithanother
woman.

Andshewasn'ttooimpressedwiththeadviceKirkhadreceivedsofar.Surethey
hadtoprotectthechildren,butthissleepinghithesamebedwasridiculous.

"Ijustdon'tseetheuseintalking.What'sitgoingtochange?"Shepulledthe
housecoatbackoverhershouldersandstood.

"Whereareyougoing?"

"Tothecouch,downstairs."

"Butthegirls…"

"I'llbeupbeforethey'reawake."Ifsheevenwenttosleep,thatis.

"Thenletmebetheonetosleepdownstairs."Kirkwhippedoffthecovers,and
shesawthathewaswearinghisboxers.

"Ipreferitthisway,"sheinsisted,headingforthedoor."Thetruthis,Ihaven't
beenabletosleepinthisroomallweek."

"Really?"Hisvoicebrokeontheword."Oh,Claire.I'msosorry."

Good,shethought,heoughttobesorry.Butthatdidn'tstopthetearsfrom
rushingtohereyes.She'dbeensostrongthatfirstday;shemusthavebeenin
shock.Lately,shecoulddolittlemorethancry.Often,shehadtoturnherbackto
thechildren,walkintoadifferentroomsotheywouldn'tnotice.

"Inever…"Kirkdidn'tfinishhisthought,buthisexpressionwastormented.Claire
didn'twanttofeelsorryforhim;shecouldn'tfeelsorryforhim.He'dmadehis
choices,andnowtheyallhadtofacetheconsequences.

"Howcouldyou?"Thewordsburstout,eventhoughshe'dtoldherselftherewas
nopointhiasking.Kirkflinched.

"Idon'tknow."

Angerstrucklikewhitelightning,joltingherbodyrigid."That'sjustnotgood
enough,Kirk."

Andsheleft,closingthedoorbehindher.

CHAPTERFIVE

Behindthewheelofherforest-greenminivan,Clairefeltbetterthanshehadall
week.Itwassummer,theskywasblueandshewasheadedtoherfavoriteplace
intheentireworld.

Muskokalakecountry.JustafewhoursnorthofToronto,fertileplainsgaveway
totherockandtreesandlakesoftheCanadianShield.Therewerewellovera
thousandlakesinthetwenty-five-hundredsquaremilesofcottagecountrythat
stretchedfromGeorgianBaytoAlgonquinPark,butthebigoneswereMuskoka,
RosseauandJoseph,andthelittleresorttownofPortCarlingsatattheapexof
allthree.

PortCarlingwashometoseveralofClaire'sclosestfriends.MalloryDriscoll,who
ranatrendyboutiqueonSteamboatBay;herhusband,Drew,whoowned,
publishedandeditedtheHuboftheLakesGazette;andtheirtwo-year-old
daughter,Angel,namedforDrew'smother,Angela,who'dpassedawayseveral
yearsago.

ThentherewasGradyHogan.Newlydivorced,thefatheroftwinadolescentboys,
Gradywas

Claire'steenagesweetheart,thefirstloveofherlife.

Muskoka.ToClairethenameconjuredhappymemoriesofheroldestanddearest
friends.Aplaceofsimplepleasuresandlong,lazydaysthatseemedtolast
forever.Aplaceofstartlingcontrastsliketheshockofherbodyslicingthrough
cold,bracingwater,afterhoursspentbakinginthehot,humidair.Orthedaylight
soundsoflaughtertravelingoverwaterandthethrummingofmotor-boat
engines,comparedwiththeearly-morningsongoftheloonsandtheplaintivecall
ofanowlatmidnight.

Fromthetimeshewasababy,herfamilyhadspenttheirsummersattheir
cottageonLakeRosseau.Clairehadgrownuponthesmellofwoodlandsandlake
water.Herfavoritefoodsweresummertimefoods—cornfreshoffthehusk,
blueberriessprinkledwithsugar,spicysmokiesbarbecuedonanopenbonfire.

WhenherparentsretiredandmovedtoFlorida,they'ddeededtheplacetoClaire,
andthetraditionofsummeratthecottagecontinuedwiththenextgeneration.
Usually,hermomanddadcameupforacoupleofweeksinthesummer,butthis
yearthey'doptedtovisitClaire'sauntonVancouverIsland,instead.

Justaswell.Clairedidn'twantthemtoknowabouttheproblemsbetweenherand
Kirkuntilthey'dbeensettled.Onewayoranother.

"I'mgoingtolearntowater-skithisyear,"Daisyannounced.

LastyearAndiehadmasteredthetechnique,muchtoheryoungersisters'
chagrin.

"Well,I'mgoingtolearntodropaski,"Andiesaid.

"ProvidedGradyhastimetotakeusoutonhisboat,"Clairecautioned.Theirown
motorboatdidn'thavethehorsepowerforskiing.

"Well,whywouldn'the?"Andieasked."He'stakenuseveryotheryear."

"Yes,Iknow.Heprobablywill.Ijustdon'tthinkweshouldassumeanything
beforewe'veasked."

Grady'sdivorcefromhishigh-schoolsweetheart,Bess,hadjustbecomefinalized
afewmonthsago,andoverthephonehe'dsoundedsodepressed.Andworried
aboutthetwins.Initially,WarrenandTaylorhadfeltasiftheirmotherhad
abandonedthem,too,whenshelefttostartanewlifeforherselfinBarrie.

Clairedidn'tblamethem.She'dneverlikedBessmuch;nowshelikedhereven
less.Howcouldsheleavebehindherownboys?She'dsaidtheydidn'tneedher
anymore,butWarrenandTaylorhadonlybeenfifteenatthetime.Andwhat
aboutGrady?Clairecouldn'timagineanywomaninherrightmindleavinga

husbandlikeGrady.Hewasarealhoney,agreatguy.Hehadn'tdeservedtobe
treatedsobadly.

AndneitherdoI.

Itwashardtobelieveshewasnowinthesamecategoryasherstalwartfriend.
Only,shehadn'tlostherhusbandbecausehewantedtofindhimself.She'dlost
himbecauseofanotherwoman.

Claireblinkedbehindhersunglasses,thinkingofKirkstandinginthedriveway,
wavinggoodbyetothem.He'dlookedsadatthetime,butwhathadhedoneonce
theyweregone?PhonedJanice?Washewithherrightnow?

Shecouldn'tstandtothinkaboutit.

"Canwestopforaburger?"Andieasked.

Claireglancedintherearviewmirror,seekingoutherdaughter'seyes."Wejust
hadbreakfast"

"ButwealwaysstopatWeber's…"

"Yeah,Mom,"addedDaisy.

"Well,maybewecouldgetmilkshakes."

"Andfries?"Jennapressed.

Itwasagoodidea,Claireconvincedherself,pullingoffthehighwayfifteen
minuteslater.Sheneededtoeatforherunbornchild,andamilkshakewouldgo
downeasily.Shestillhadsolittleappetite.Andthismorning,withKirkatthe
breakfasttable—well,shehadn'tbeenabletoswallowabite.

She'dnoticedhimwatchingher,andcaughthissurprisewhenshe'drefusedeven
coffee.He'dhadthreecups.

"I'vebeenlivingonthestuff,"he'dadmittedwhenthegirlswerebrushingtheir
teeth.

She'dbeenperverselygladtoseethathiseyeslookedastiredashers,despite
theextrajoltsofcaffeine.

HowmuchtimewashespendingwithJanice?Clairewouldn'tallowherselftoask
thequestion,thoughsheburnedwithresentment.Sure,Kirkwasupset;maybe
hewasevenhavingtroublesleepingandeating,asshewas.Buttherewas
someoneelseinhislife,whereasshewasalone.Didthetwoofthemtalkabout
her?shewondered.

Claireopenedherpurseonthecounterassheplacedherorder."Twochocolate,
onestrawberryandonevanillashake."ShefeltJennatugonherarm."Plusan
orderoffries."

"Threeblondiesandoneredhead."ThewomanbehindthetillpeeredatAndie.
"Wheredidyoucomefrom?"

Andieflushedadeepred.Sheturnedherbacktothecounterandmuttered,"The
planetCarrot-top."

Claireputonehandonherdaughter'sshoulderandtookherchangewiththe
other."Sensitivetopic,"shesaid,knowingthewomanhadn'tmeanttobeunkind.

Thefourofthemsatoutsideatoneofthenumerouspicnictables.Clairepassed
outtheshakesandputthefriesinthecenterofthetableforeveryonetoshare.
Threehandsreachedoutsimultaneously.AsecondlaterDaisy'sforeheadcreased
andsheplacedahandoverhermourn.

"Oh,no,"shemumbledfrombehindherhand.

"Whatisit?"

Daisy'seyesopenedwide.Reachinginsidehermourn,shepluckedoutsomething
thatlookedlikeamisshapenpearl.

"Mytoothcameout"

"Isitbleeding?"Jennaleanedincloseforabetterview."CanIseethehole?Did
ithurt?"

WatchingDaisyfieldhersisters'questionsanddisplayhertrophycarefully,Claire
thoughthowrareitwasforhermiddledaughtertobethecenterofattention.
QuieterthanJenna,lesstruculentmanAndie—especiallylately—sherarely
causedtrouble.

ClairereachedacrossthetabletostrokeDaisy'scheek."Anothertoothgone.My
babyisgrowingup."

Jennawasaffronted,"I'myourbaby,Mom."

"Allthreeofyouaremybabies."

"Andie'snotababy."

"Tomesheis.That'sjustthewaymothersfeelabouttheirchildren,Jenna."Claire
lookedbackatDaisy,whowasglidinghertongueinandoutoftheemptyspacein
hermouth.

"Iwonderwhatthatgemwillfetchonthetooth-fairymarket?"

Daisysuddenlyseemedworried."CouldIwaituntilnextweekendtoputmytooth
underthepillow?Idon'twantthetoothfairytotakeitawayuntilDaddygetsto
seeit."

Thesweetmomentshe'dbeensharingwithherdaughterssuddenlyturnedsour.
Daddy.DidKirkhaveanyideahowimportanthewastothesegirls?

Thefriesweregone,andClairepushedasideherunfinishedmilkshake."It'stime
wehittheroad.Youcanfinishyourdrinksinthevan."

"Howmuchfarther?"Jennaaskedassheclimbedintothemiddle-rowseat,next
tothewindow.They'dboughtthevanwhenshewasborn,andthebuilt-incar
seatshadbeenalifesaver.NowClairemadesureallthreegirlswerebuckledin
properlybeforeshejumpedintothedriver'sseat.

"Youknow,Andie…"shebegan,oncetheywerebackonthehighway.Inthe
rearviewmirrorshesawherdaughterspitoutastrandofherhair,andhadto
chokebackareprimand."DaddyandIweretalkingthismorningandwedecided
itwouldbeagoodideaifyouspenthalfanhoureverydayonthatmath
workbookyourteacherrecommended."

"What?Butit'ssummerholidays,Mom.WhydoIhavetodomath?"

"Ithinkyouknowwhy."

"That'snotfair.I'vebeenwaitingforsummerforages.When'sDaddycomingto
thecottage?"

"Oh,probablynextweekend,"Clairesaidvaguely.

ThinkingaboutKirkdrivingupfortheweekendmadethemilkshakeinClaire's
stomachcurdle.She'davoidedtheissuewhenKirkhadbroughtupthesubject,
yetshedidn'tseehowshecoulddenynuntherighttovisitthegirls.Ofcourse
shedidn'twanttodothat.Shejustdidn'twanttoseehim.

Shescannedthehorizon,notingthechangeinthescenery.Picturesquedairy
farmsandcornfieldshadgivenwaytothehardymixedforestofspruce,pine,
mapleandoak.TheywerewellpastBarrie,almosttoGravenhurst,buttrafficwas
stillsteadyonthefour-lanehighway.Obviously,theyweren'ttheonlyfamily
escapingpavementandpollutionforthesummermonths.

Clairetuckedherhairbehindherearandsighed.She'ddriventhisroutesomany
times,yetneverwithsuchmixedfeelings.Shewassoeagertogettotheir
destination,toseethefamiliarrooflineofthecottagepeekingoutfromthe
surroundingtreesatthebottomoftheshort,windinglane.

Toher,thecottagefeltmorelikehomethananyoftheneighborhoodsshe'dlived
inToronto,includingthebrickbungalowinLeasidewhereshe'dbeenraised,the
basementapartmentshe'dsharedwithagirlfriendinCollegeParkduring
universityandthetwo-storyhousesheandKirkhadboughtnineyearsagointhe
suburbofRichmondHill.

Ofcourse,cottagewashardlythewordforthespacious,well-finishedbungalow
thathuggedtherockfacealongthelake'sedge.

Thelivinganddiningareasopenedtoafullyequippedmodernkitchen.Ashort
hallwayoffthekitchenledtothreelargebedroomsandabathandahalf.The
viewofthelakewasspectacularandslidingdoorspermittedaccesstoan
expansive,multitiereddeckdesignedtoconnectthecottagetothewater.Alarge
dockandboathousewerethecenterpointsofmostsunnyafternoons.

Clairecouldimaginesittingthererightnow,herfeetdanglinginthecoolwater,
thehotsunonhershoulderblades,acoldbeer—no,makethatalemonade—in
herhand.

Shethoughtofherhusband,asshedidahundredtimeseveryday,wondering
whathewasexperiencing.Washerelievedthatthetruthwasfinallyoutinthe
open?Washefeelingguilt,sorrow,pain?

Sheknewthathemustbe,butsomehowshealwaysimaginedhimwithJanice,
laughingandatease.

Itwassodamnunfair.

PartofherwashappytoputasmanymilesbetweenKirkandherselfasshe
could.Butthatdidn'tstopherfrommissinghimandwonderingifshewaswiseto
leavebunaloneandfreetofocusallhistimeonJanice.

Whatwastherightthingtodo?

Shewishedsheknew.

Clairewasopeningwindowstofreshenupthebedrooms,whenshehearda
vehicleinthedrive.Amomentlater,avoicecalledfromthescreendoor.

"Claire?Areyouinthere?"

ItwasMallory.Herheartlightening,Clairegrabbedatissueandrushedoutto
greether,pausingwhenshesawMallory'sreactiontoherappearance.

"Claire."Mallorysoundedshocked."You'vebeencrying."

Shecouldn'tdenyit.Shewasjustthankfulthegirlshadbeenoutsideplaying

whenshe'dsteppedintoherandKirk'sbedroomandseenthebookofpoetryhe'd
boughtherjustlastsummer.She'dpickeduptheslimvolumeandopenedittohis
inscription:Youarelovelierthananypoem.

Thewordshadstungwiththeirbeauty,andtearshadfollowedquickly.Therein
herhandswastheevidencethathehadlovedheronce.Whathadhappenedto
changethat?

"Areyouokay?"Malloryheldoutherarms,andClairesteppedintothemfora
hug.

"No."Shesqueezedtightly,thensatbackontheedgeofthesofa,pullingMallory
withher."I'msorry.Usually,Imanagetokeepmyselftogether,buttodayfor
somereason…"

"Whatdoyoumean,keepyourselftogether?Oh,Iknewsomethingwaswrong
whenyouphonedtosayyou'dbehereearlierthanusual.Youdidn'tsoundlike
yourself."MalloryputherarmoverClaire'sshoulders.

"It'sKirk."

"Isheworkingtoomuchagain?"

"Notthistime."

"Thenwhat?"

Mallorysoundedanxious,andClaire'sstomachchurnedlikelakewatercaughtup
inaboatpropeller.Sofarshehadn'ttoldasoulaboutherandKirk'sproblems.
Nowitwasarelieftofinallyconfide,"He'sfalleninlovewithanotherwoman."

"No."Mallory'sbodywentrigid."Areyousure?"

Clairefeltthetearsbegintogatheragain."Hetoldmehimself."

"Thebastard."MallorywrappedbotharmsaroundClaire."Howcouldhedothat?
Whywouldhedosomethinglikethat?"

Quickly,Clairewentthroughthewholestory.Theotherwoman'sdivorce,the
innocentlunchesthathadledtonot-so-innocentdinners,openmeetingsturning
suddenlysecret."Hesaystheyhaven'tslepttogether."

"Well,that'ssomething."

"Ifit'strue.Helovesher,Mallory.Doyouknowhowlongit'sbeensincehetold
mehelovedme?Months."

Claireswungherbarefeet,andnoticedthechippedpinkpolish.

"Oh,Claire.Ican'tstandthatthisishappeningtoyou.Haveyousaidanythingto
thegirls?"

"No.Ijustdon'tknowhowI'lleverfindthestrength.Mallory,they'llbe
devastated.Kirkisn'taroundasmuchasthey'dlike,buttheyadorehim."

"Ofcoursetheydo."Mallorypattedherarm.

"Kirksaysweneedtotalk,butIdon'tknowwhatthatwillaccomplish.I'veasked
himifhewantsad-divorce,butheseemsalmostasconfusedasIam."

"Oh,Claire…"

"How'sGradydoing?"Claireasked,thetopicofdivorcemakingherthinkoftheir
mutualfriend.

"Oh,he'sfinallyoutofthatterribledepression.He'sevenstarteddatingagain.I
thinkupuntilthedaythedivorcewasofficial,hekepthopingBesswouldchange
hermind."

"Ibetthetwinswerehopingthesamething."Clairekeptstaringather
feet."Who'shedating?''

"RememberthewomanDrewandIfoundlivingintheMacDougals'cottagetwo
wintersago?"

Claireremembered.Drewhadwrittenanoutstandingeditorialonthesubjectof
homelessness.Thewomanhadjustleftanabusiverelationshipandhadnomoney
orsourceofincome,sosheandheryoungdaughterhadbeenreducedtotaking
shelterinvariouscottagesthathadbeenclosedforthewhiter.

Whatwashername?"TereseBalfour?"

"Yes.She'stheguidancecounseloratWarrenandTaylor'sschoolnow,andbelieve
me,Gradyandshehavebeendoingalotoftalkinginthepastfewyears."

"Arethetwinsokay?"

"They'realotbetter.They'restillcoveringhigh-schoolsportsforDrewatthe
Gazette.AndIthinkthey'vefinallystartedseeingtheirmomonaregularbasis
again."

"Howoldarethey?Seventeen?Icanhardlybelieveit."

"Iknow.Theybothhavedriver'slicenses.Nextyearthey'llbeofftocollege."

"Incredible."Claireputherhandsonherbareknees.Acoolbreezewaswafting

throughalltheopenwindowsandnowshefeltcold.Shegrabbedanoldafghan
andwrappeditaroundher."AreGradyandTereseserious?"

"I'mnotsure.Gradyreallylikesher,butTerese'sexperiencewithherex-husband
haslefthercautious,tosaytheleastShe'sprettyscaredaboutgettinginvolved
inaseriousrelationship.Andshe'sworriedaboutherdaughter.Lisajustdoteson
Grady,andTerese'sconcernedshemightgettooattached."

"Soundscomplicated."

"Nothing'sassimpleasitshouldbe,"Mallorysaid.

"Exceptforyou,DrewandAngel."Clairesmiled,forcingherthoughtsfromher
owntroubledsituation."DoesDreweverregretquittingtheratraceinOttawato
runtheGazette!"

"Heclaimshecouldn'tbehappier.AndIknowIcouldn't."Mallorysmootheda
handovertheafghan,thenraisedanxiouseyestoherfriend.

"DrewsaysIseetheworldthroughrose-coloredglasses,butIcan'thelpfeeling
shaken.OnlytwoyearsagoIlookedatyouandKirkandGradyandBessand
thoughtyouallhadtheworldinyourhands.NowGradyandBessaredivorced.
AndyouandKirk—"Mallorycoveredherfacewithherhands."I'msorry."

"Don'tbe."ClaireputherarmaroundMalloryandhuggedherclose."Itis
horrible.Nooneknowsitmorethanme."

Mallory'sbreathshuddered."Oh,Claire.Doeshappilyeverafterevenexist
anymore?"

CHAPTERSIX

KirkalwayscalledwheneverClairetookthegirlsuptothecottagebyherself,to
makesurethey'darrivedsafely.Wouldhethistime?Maybehewasenjoyinghis
newfreedomtoomuchtosparethemasecondthought.

Clairestruckamatchandheldittotheballofscrunched-upnewspapershe'd
placedunderastackofkindling.Immediately,asmallorangeflamesprangtolife
againsttheedgeofthepaperandbegantravelingupward.Soon,thepaperwas
engulfedinflames,andthesmallchipsofcedarbegantospark.

"Arewereadyforthelogs?"Daisyasked.Allthegirls,evenlittletwo-year-old
Angel,hadcarriedarmfulsofdried,splitwoodfromtheshedtothefirepitnextto
theboatdock.

"Wecanstartwithafewofthesmallerones.Doyouwanttoputthemon?Be
careful."Clairestoodbackaseachgirladdedoneofthethinnerchunksofwood.

AndieheldAngel'shandasthelittlegirlthrewasmallsquareofcedaratthefire.

AndiewasgoodwithAngel.Clairesoughtout

Mallory,whowaswatchingthescenefromthecomfortofoneofthefourwooden
outdoorchairsthatsatinasemicirclearoundthepit.Shewaseyeingher
daughterwithaserenesmile;itwasobviousshetrustedAndietokeephersafe.

HowwouldAndiefeelaboutanewsisterorbrother?AndwhataboutDaisyand
Jenna?Somuchchangecomingallatonce.Clairedidn'tknowhowtheywere
goingtocope.Shestillhadn'ttoldasoulaboutthebaby,andthoughtlonginglyof
confidinginMallory.Thegirlshadinterruptedtheirearlierconversationbefore
she'dhadachancetobringupthisaddedcomplicationinherlife.

Maybelatertheycouldspeakprivatelyagain,afterthesunhadbeguntoset,
whenthekidshadhadtheirfillofhotdogsandthefirehadburneddowntoa
massoforange-bluecoals.

Thewienerroastwasatraditionforthefirstnightofsummervacation,dating
backwhenClairehadbeenalittlegirl.Nowthefamiliarsmellofburningwood
broughtbackthesecurefeelingofsittingbetweenherparents,herfacewarmed
bythefire,twowholemonthsofswimming,boatingandplayingwithherfriends
aheadofher.

Shehopedherchildrenwouldrememberthesetimeswiththesamefondness.
Later,afterthehotdogs,they'dmake's'mores,sandwichingroastedmarshmallows
andsquaresofchocolatebetweengraham-wafercookies.Andthenwouldcome
hotchocolateandbedtimestories,andnotawordaboutbaths,althoughshe
wouldmakethegirlsbrushtheirteeth.

"Canwestartcookingthehotdogs?"Jennaasked.Herlittlechinwassmeared
withdirt,andherpinkT-shirtwascoveredwithchipsofbarkandwoodsplinters.

"No,hon.Wehavetobuildagreatbigfire,thenwaituntilitturnstocoals.Why
don'tyouplayforawhile.Thenitwon'tseemlikesolongtowait."

ClairewentbackintothecottagetogetthetrayoffoodsheandMalloryhad
assembledearlier.Malloryfollowed,bringingthehugecontaineroflemonadeand
thestackableplasticglasses.

"DidyouinviteGradyandtheboys?"sheasked.

"Idid.HowaboutDrew?Ishecoming?"

"Anyminute,"Malloryassuredher."He'sbeenworkingreallyhardonthisissueof
theGazette,sinceitmarksthebeginningofthesummerseason.Iknowhe's
goingtowanttotalktoyouaboutitwhenhegetshere."

"Whyme?"

"I'lllethimexplain.".

"Youtease."Clairesetthetraydownonthelargeroundcedartable,thenadded
severalofthelargerlogstothefire.Itwasburningbrisklynow,snappingand
cracklinginthecalm,pretwilightair.

Thebreezefromearlierinthedayhaddieddown,andthelowsuncastlong
shadowsoverthesmooth,calmlake.Clairefilledherlungswithlake-countryair
andtoldherselfnothingcouldeverbetoobad,aslongasshehadthisplaceand
herchildren.Shecouldhearthemnow,laughingandshoutingastheyplayed
hide-and-seekinthetalltreesandlow-lyingbrush.

"I'mcountingtoten!One,two,three…"

Clairelitseveralcitronellacandlestodiscouragethemosquitoes,thenbeganto
organizethefood.Shehadplainwienersforthechildren,spicysmokiesforthe
adults.Atrayofcut-upveggiesanddipsatinthecenterofthetable,andthe
makingsforthe's'moreslaycoveredwithateatowel.

"Relax,Claire,"Mallorysaid."Whydon'tyousitforaminute."

"Ican't,"Claireadmitted.Ifshewasn'tbusyshewouldstartthinkingaboutKirk
andwonderingwhyhehadn'tcalled.She'dplacedhercellphoneonthetableso
shewouldn'tmissthecallifhephoned.Wasn'tthatpathetic?

TirescrunchingondirtandgravelcaughtbothherandMallory'sattention.Outof
thewoodscamethefourgirls,allrunninginanticipation.

"UncleDrew!"Claire'sgirlsyelled,spyingthefamiliarExplorerthathadonce
belongedtoDrew'smother,Angle.Angie'sdeath,almostthreeyearsagonow,had
promptedDrew'sreturntoPortCar-ling,butitwasMalloryandtheirbaby,Angel,
who'dconvincedhimtostay.He'dleftapromisingcareerasajournalist,although
hestillhostedaprogramonforeignaffairsforthenationalpublicradiostation,
whichwasbroadcastThursdayeveningsfromToronto.

"WarrenandTaylor!"Daisyshrieked,seeingGrady'soldtruckrightbehind.Oneof
thetwinswasdriving,Clairenoted,sittingalmostastallashisfatherbesidehim.

Quickly,sheaddedthelastofthelogstothefire,thenjoinedthewelcoming
committeeastheyexchangedhugsandkissesandhellos.

"Hey,Drew,lookinggood,"shesaidasMallory'shusbandthrewanarmaround
hershoulder.Hisshortdarkhairwasasbristlyasever,andhischinscratched
whenhebenttokisshercheek.

"Goodtoseeyou,Claire.How'sKirkdoing?Sonysod,stuckinthebigcity…"

Claireblinkedandforcedadrylaugh,thenturnedtoGrady.Heworeablue-and-
grayplaidshirtandjeans,hisboyishgrinlightinguphisface.Hismedium-brown
hah"wasonthelongside,andhebrusheditbackwithanimpatientgesturea
secondbeforehisgazefellonher.

"Claire."Hesqueezedhertight,andshefoughttheurgetoburyherfaceagainst
hisstrongshoulder.Shecouldsmellhisworkshopinhisshirt.Gradybuiltand
repairedmotorboats,specializinghicustomwoodencraft.Itwasgood,honest
work,whichlefthimtimetojoinhisfamilyfordinner,tospendhisweekends
fishingandwaterskiing.IfonlyKirk…

Sheglancedatthephone,stillsittingsilentlyonthetable,thenwenttosayhello
tothetwins.

"Hi,Warren,Taylor.Ihopethegirlsaren'tgoingtodriveyoucrazy.They'vebeen
soexcitedaboutseeingyou."

Taylorgaveherashysmile."It'sokay,"hesaid.Warrenjustshruggedand
glancedathisfather.

Whentheywereyounger,theboyshadbeenincrediblypatientandkindwiththe
girls,butoverthepastfewyearstheirattitudeshadshifted.Itwastobe
expected,giventhen-ages,andClairehadtriedtowarnherdaughtersthat
Grady'sboysmightnotwanttoplaywiththem.

Butnowtheyagreedtoagameofhide-and-seek,withbothofthembeing"it."

"Bebackinfifteenminutes,"Clairecalledoutassixsmallfiguresdisappearedinto
thedarkeningwoods."Thefireshouldbereadybymen."

"Comesitdown,"Drewsaid."Iwanttotalktoyou."

ClairerememberedwhatMalloryhadsaidearlier."Okay.Butletmegetyoua
beerfirst."

"Grady'saheadofyou,"Drewsaid,holdingupatinfromalocalbrewery."He's
gonetoputtherestofthesix-packinthefridge."

ClaireperchedonthewidearmofDrew'schair."Okay.Whatisit?"

"Iwonderedhowyou'dfeelaboutstartingupthe'CottageCooking'columnforthe
paperthissummer."

TheoffersurprisedClaire.Shedidn'tknowwhatshe'dexpected,butwritinga
column…Shiftinghergazetothehorizon,shenoticedthesunwasabouttoslip

behindthebarelyvisibletreesontheothersideofthelake.Gold-and-orange
fingersofcolorskimmedthegentleswellsthatrippledthewater'ssurface.

"The'CottageCooking'column,"sherepeatedsoftly.Drewhaddiscontinuedit
afterhismother'sdeath,andshe'dmisseditshomeypresenceintheweekly
paper.

"Ican'taffordtopayyoumuch,"Drewsaid."ButIwillpay."

"IknowyougaveAngiehalftherecipessheusedtoprint,"Malloryadded.Itwas
commonknowledgethatAngieherselfhadn'tbeenmuchofacook.

"Yes,butAngiealwayswrotesuchcharmingstoriestogowiththem."

"I'msureyou'lldevelopyourownstyle,"Drewsaidreassuringly."Comeon,
Claire.Iappreciatethatthegirlskeepyoubusy,butwon'tyouatleastgiveita
try?"

Clairehadworkedinthehospitalityindustrybeforeherchildrenwereborn.Now
she'dbeenoutoftheworkforceforovertenyears.Notthatonecolumnfora
localpaperconstitutedmuchinthewayofwork.

Besides,thegirlswereoldernow.Evenherbabywassix,andconstantly
remindingherthatshecould"doitherself."Maybethiswasagoodidea.Maybeit
wouldhelpkeepherbusyandhermindoffotherthings…

"Okay.Sure.I'llgiveitatry."

"Startingthisweek?"Drewaskedcoaxingly."I'dreallyliketohaveacolumnfor
thefirstsummerissue."HeglancedatMallory,thenaddedquickly,"Althoughnext
weekwouldbeokay,too."

"I'lltryforthisweek,"Clairedecided.Strawberrieswouldberipeningsoon,and
shehadherownvariationoftheever-popularstrawberryshortcake.Thatought
tobeagoodstartingpoint.

"Great!IknewIcouldcountonyou."

"Ibroughtyougirlsabeer,"Gradysaid,justbackfromthecottage.Hetosseda
cantoMallory,thenanothertoClaire.

Clairesethersbackonthetableregretfully.Ifeverawomancouldhaveuseda
drink,itwasshe,especiallyafterthispastweek."I'llsticktolemonadefor
tonight."Asshepouredherselfaglassshewasawarethatallthreeofthemwere
watchingher.Sheturnedandleanedupagainstthetable.

"Okay.Whatisit?"

"Youjustsaidnotoabeer,"Gradysaid,exchangingameaningfulnodwithDrew.
"Thereareonlythreeothertimesyoueverturneddownthefirstbeerofthe
summer."

"Anycoincidencethatshealsohasthreelittlegirlsplayinginthewoodsright
now?"Drewinquired,loweringhisvoiceanotch.

"Don'ttease,"Mallorysaid."Sowhatifshedoesn'tfeellikeabeer.Youguysread
toomuchintothesimplestthings."

"Dowe?"

Thelightwasfading,butClairecouldfeeltheminspectingher.Sheresistedthe
urgetosmoothdownherwhiteT-shirt,totrytohidetheexpandingwaistlinethat
wassoobvioustoher.

"It'strue,"shesaidquietly."I'mpregnant.Butthegirlsdon'tknow."Shetooka
deepbreath."EvenKirkdoesn'tknow."

Shestaredintotheheartofthefire,wherethewoodseemedtobeglowingfrom
within.Itwasperfectforroastingwienersnow.Sheshouldcallthekids.Andshe
would.Inaminute.

Whatwereherfriendsthinking?Sheknewthey'dbeexchangingstunnedglances,
althoughnoonehadyetsaidaword.ThenshefeltGrady'sarmaroundher
shoulder.

"Itakeitthere'sareasonyouhaven'ttoldKirk?"

Shenodded,thenturnedherheadintohischest,unabletosayanotherword
withoutcrying.Drewcameuponherotherside,thenMallory.

"It'llbeokay,Claire,"shesaid."Ijustknowitwill."

Clairepressedherlipstogetherandnodded.Withthebackofherhand,she
brushedawaythemoisturethathadcollectedalonghereyelashes.Afteradeep
breath,shestraightened.

"Th-thanks,guys.Ihopeyou'reright."Butwhatwerethechances?Herhusband
didn'tloveheranymore.Helovedsomeoneelse.Howcouldanymarriagesurvive
somethinglikethat?

"Howaboutwecallthekidsinfromtheirgame,"Mallorysuggestedgently."The
firelooksaboutright,doesn'tit?"

"Perfect,"Gradysaid,gentlywipingClaire'scheekwithonecallusedfinger.

Atthatmomentthephonerang.Clairestaredatit,notsureshewantedto
answer.IthadtobeKirk.Whoelsewouldcallonhercellphone?Butshewasn't
sureshecouldtalktohimrightnow.

"Isthefireready?"Andiecametearingoutfrombehindthewoodshed,still
holdingAngel'shand."I'mstarving!"

"Me,too!"Angelsaid.

"Andme!"

"Andme!"

ClairereachedforthewoodensticksthatKirkhadcarvedseveralyearsago,but
Mallorytookthemoutofherhand.

"We'llgetthekidsorganized,"shesaid."Youanswerthephone."Thensheplaced
theslimpieceofblackplasticintoClaire'shand.

Turningherbackonthefireandthenoiseoffourhungrychildrenandtwohungry
teens,Clairepressedthetalkbutton.

"Hello?"

"Claire?Iwasbeginningtoworry.Didthetripgookay?"

Kirk'svoicesoundedsothinandfragile.Clairetriedtopicturehisface,hisbody.
Wherewashe?Athome?Theoffice?WithJanice?

"Thetripwentfine.Westoppedformilkshakes."Itwassuchatrivialdetailshe
immediatelyfeltsillyformentioningit.Butsuddenlyshelongedtotellhimevery
singlethingthey'ddonesinceleavingthatmorning.

"Soundsnice,"hesaid."Iwish…"

Shehungon,waitingfortheendofthatsentence,buthedidn'tfinish.

"I'dliketocomeupthisweekend,"hesaid."Toseethegirls."

Clairesteppedfartherawayfromthegathering,untilshewascertainnoone
couldhearher."I'mnotsurethat'sagoodidea."

"Whynot?"

Oh,howcouldsheexplain?Thiswastheoneplaceshefeltsafe,protected.Where
shecouldpretend,justforalittlewhite,thateverythingwasstillnormal.Ifhe
droveuptothecottage,allthatpeaceofmindwouldbelosttoher.

"Ineedtoseethegirls,Claire.Imissthemalready."

Whataboutme?Claireputahandtoherchestandclosedhereyes.Shewould
notcry.Notonthephone,nottalkingtohim.Shehadtobestrong.Andshehad
tothinkofthegirls.Hewasright.Theirinterestsmustbeputfirst.

"ThenIguessyou'dbettercome.WhenshouldItellthegirlstoexpectyou?"

"HowaboutSaturdaymorning?"

UsuallyhecameFridaynight.Butmaybehe'dreservedthattimetospendwith
Janice.

"Fine."

"We'lltalkthen,Claire.Weneedtomakesomedecisions."

Clairedidn'twanttomakedecisions.Shewantedahusbandwholovedher.A
fatherforherthreegirlsandfortheunbornchildshecarriedinsideher.

Whenshedidn'tanswer,Kirksaid,"I'llseeyouSaturday,then.Givemyloveto
thegirls."

Claireturnedoffthepoweronthecellphoneandfoughtforhercomposure.She
couldn'tbreakdownnow,notevenwithMallory,Drewand

Gradytocoverforher.She'dseenAndielookatherwhenthephonehadstarted
ringing.

Shehadtoreturntothefireandpretendallwasnormal.

Oh,whywasthishappeningtoher?

CHAPTERSEVEN

Clairespentthenextmorningworkingonherstrawberry-shortcakerecipewith
thegirls.AfterlunchshedrovethemallintoPortCarting,whereshedroppedher
columnoffattheGazettewithjustapangofnervousness.

"Howaboutwestopforanice-creamconeatMarg'sPastryShop,"sheproposed.
ShewashopingtolightenthemoodafterAndie'stantrumjustanhourearlier.

Themorninghadstartedpromisinglyenough,withAndiecompletingthefirsttwo
pagesofhermathworkbookmuchmorequicklyandaccuratelythanonewould
expectfromastudentwithbelow-averagemathgrades.

Andshe'dbeencooperativeinthekitchenasshe'dthickenedfrozenstrawberries
forthecenterlayeroftheshortcake.

Onlylater,whiletheyweresamplingtheresults,hadshethrownherfit."Whydid
wemakeDaddy'sfavoritedessert,whenheisn'tevenheretohaveany?"She'd
runtoherroomandstayedthereuntilitwastimetoleaveforPortCarling.

ClairegaveAndiemoneyforthecones,thensatinaboothtowait.Therealissue
wasn'tthestrawberryshortcake,ofcourse.Wasitboredom?ItseemedtoClaire
thatAndiespentfartoomuchtimeonherown,reading.Ifonlytherewere
anotheryounggirlAndie'sagenearby…

"Problems?"Gradyslidintothebenchseatacrossfromher.

"Hey,Grady."Shesmiled."Justalittlekidtrouble."

"Anykidinparticular?"

"Andie."ClairetoldhimaboutAndie'sdecliningmarks."Theproblemsstarted
shortlyaftershehadafalling-outwithafriendnamedErin."

"Wasitabigfight?"

"I'mnotsure.AccordingtoAndie,theyjustgotboredwitheachother,butIdon't
know…"

"Thathappens."

"True.ButAndiehasotherfriends,friendsofherssincekindergarten.Andshe
hasn'tbeeninterestedinanyofthemforalongtime,either."

"Soundslikethere'smoregoingonhere."

"Iagree.ButAndiewon'ttalktome,andherteacherswearsshe'sseenno
evidenceofanyproblemshitheclassroomorontheplayground.Noteasingor
bullyingoranythingofthatnature."

"Taylorwentthroughaphraseoncewherehejustwantedtobeonhisown.He
neverwasassocialashisbrother."

"IfAndiewantstimetoherself,mat'sjustfinewithme.Aslongasshe'shappy…"
ButClairedidn'tthinkthatAndiewashappy.Infact,theveryoppositeseemed
true.NotwantingtoburdenGradyfurtherwithherproblems,shechangedthe
subject.

"HowareTaylorandWarrendoing,bytheway?Dotheystillenjoyreportingon
high-schoolsportsfortheGazette?'

“Thatjobhasbeenalifesaver.Keepsthembusynightsandweekends."Grady
glancedaroundthesmallcafeasiflookingforsomeone,beforefocusingbackon

her,grinninginhisoldfamiliarway.

"Justthinkofthetroublewegotintoattheirage,thenmultiplyitbytwo,and
thataboutsumsitup."

"Iwasanonlychild,butIguessIgavemyparentstheirshareofgrayhairs."

"AndIhelped."Grady'sgrinwidened,andClairewonderedifhewasthinking
aboutthesummerbeforetheirlastyearofhighschool,whenthetwoofthemhad
dated.Twoglorious,wonderfulmonths.InthefallClairehadreturnedtoToronto,
butthey'dstayedintouch—untilGrady'soldgirlfriendfoundoutshewas
pregnant,andclaimedGradyasthefather.

"Butyoucan'tmarryBess,"Clairehadargued."Itwouldbeaterriblemistake."
Afterall,he'dbrokenupwithBess,hadn'the?AndhewascrazyaboutClaire.

Justasshewascrazyabouthim.

Sherememberedhowhe'dsetherhearttopoundingjustbybrushinghisfingers
onthebackofherneckorplacingahandgentlyonherthigh.Hehadsuchalight
touch,yethewassoconfident,sosure.She'dbeenaspliantasbiscuitdoughin
hishands,andneverhadsheregrettedthathe'dbeenherfirst.

Buthe'dleftherforBess,andthetwoofthemmarriedaweekaftergraduation.
Clairecouldn'tevenrememberthenameoftheguyshe'dendeduptakingto
grad.Sinceitcouldn'tbeGrady,ithadn'treallymattered.

She'dgonetocollege,thengottenajobattheSheratonCentreindowntown
Toronto.Thatwaswhereshe'dmetKirk.HisfirmhelditsannualChristmasdinner
anddanceintheDominionBallroom,andshe'dbeenthespecial-events
coordinatoratthetime.

Andlookwhatthathadledto—

"Mom,canweeatourconesoutside?"Daisyasked,skippingbackfromthe
counterwithaverygenerouskiddie-sizecone.

"Sure.Wasthereanychange?"

Andiedroppedafewcoinstothetable.

"Thanks,hon."SheglancedbackatGrady,buthisattentionwaselsewhere.She
followedhisgaze,andsawatinywoman,dressedinjeansandatightblacktank
top,stepinthedoorwithayounggirlaboutJenna'sage.

TereseBalfour,Clairerealized.HadGradyarrangedtomeetherhere?Thatwould
explainthewayhe'dbeencasingthejoint.

Yes.TeresesmiledandwavedasshecaughthisgazeandClairewassurprisedto
seeGradyflushinresponse.

"Excusemeaminute?"heaskedher.

"Sure."

Shewatchedhimapproachthecounterandbendlowtosaysomethingquietlyto
Terese,thentoheryoungdaughter.Thelittlegirlgiggledandwrappedherarms
aroundhiswaist.

Clairedecidedsheshouldgooutsideandjoinhergirls.She'dmetTeresebefore;
TeresehadevenbeenatthecottageforDrewandMallory'swedding.Butfor
somereasonClairedidn'tfeellikesayinghi.

Saturday,ClairewascleaningthebreakfastdisheswhensheheardKirk'ssedan
pullupthelane.Sheglancedoutthekitchenwindow,surprisedtoseehimso
early.Thegirlsexplodedoutthefrontdoorbeforehehadachancetoslideout
fromthefrontseatofhiscar.

"Daddy,Daddy!Ilostmytooth!"

Clairemovedawayfromtheopenwindowasbittersweetpainbroughtyetmore
tearstohereyes.Thegirlslovedhimsomuch.Didherealizehowluckyhewasto
havethatspecialtrust?

Shewenttothedecktogatherthebeachtowelsshe'dputoutontherailingto
drylastnight.Carefully,shefoldedtheminastackonachair,thenwaitedforthe
soundofthescreendoorclosing,beforeshewentbackinside.

Thethreegirlsweretrailingtheirfather.Jennawasinsistingthathechecktosee
ifhertoothwasreadytocomeout,likeDaisy's.

"Stillgoingtobeawhile,kiddo,"hetoldher.

ItwasnicetoseeKirkoutofbusinessattire,wearingtan-coloredshortsanda
forest-greengolfshirt.Hisdarkblondhairhadreddishglintsinthebright
morninglight,andClairecouldtellfromacrosstheroomthathehadn'tshaved.

Thewaythegirlswereclingingtohim,you'dthinktheyhadn'tseenhimina
month.Oddlyenough,afterallhertalkofmissingherfather,An-diewastheone
whowashangingback.Withastart,Clairerealizedherdaughterwaswatching
her.

Self-consciously,Clairecrossedtheroom."Howwasthedrive?"Alltooawareof
Andie'sscrutiny,sheleanedforwardtokissKirklightlyonthecheek.

Shesawthesurpriseflashinhiseyes,thencomprehensionashekissedherback,
hishandreachingouttograspherupperarmtightly.

"Howareyou,Claire?"

Hisquestionmadeherthinkofherpregnancy,andshewasgladshe'dwornher
loosedenimjumper—aperfectchoiceforcamouflagingthechangestoherbody.

"Oh,thegirlsaretryingtodrivemecrazy,asusual,"shesaid,huggingJennaand
Daisynexttoher."ButsofarI'vestayedoutoftheloonybin."

"Mo-om,"Andiegroaned.Shesidleduptoherfather."We'remakingstrawberry
shortcakefordesserttonight,Dad."

"Yum.Myfavorite."Kirksethisduffelbagandbulgingbriefcaseonthefloor.

"Canwegooutontheboatthisweekend?"Daisyaskedhim.

"Willyoutakeusforanicecream?"

"Yesandyes."Kirknoddedatthetwoyoungest."Whataboutyou,Andie?What's
onyourlistfortheweekend?"

Andiescuffedasandaledfootagainstthepinefloor.

"I'dliketodosomethingasafamily,"shesaid."Doyouthinkwecouldallplay
Monopolytonight?"

Clairepressedherlipstogether,awarethatKirkwascheckingherexpression,but
notdaringtoreturnhislook.Shenoddedslightly,thenheardhimsay,"Sure,
Andie.Ifthat'swhatyouwant."

"DoesithavetobeMonopoly,Andie?"Clairesaid,tryingtosoundlighthearted.
"Youknowyourfatheralwayswinswhenweplaythatgame."

Familytimeshecouldhandle,shedecided.AslongassheandKirkdidn'thaveto
bealone.

Itturnedouttherewasnoneedtoworry.Thegirlsclungtohissideallday.

First,theywentforacruiseonthelake,takingalongapicniclunch,whichthey
ateintheboat.ThenKirkdrovethegirlsintotown,givingherachancetohavea
bitofabreak.

Notthatshewasabletorelax.TohaveKirkhere,tobeactingasthoughthey
wereonebighappyfamilywhenthetruthwasjusttheopposite,wassobizarre.
Howlongcouldtheykeepupthischaradeforthesakeofthechildren?

Andyet,apartofherwashappytoseehim.Thatsheshouldfeelthisway,when
he'dbetrayedherashehad,struckherassounfair.Whycouldn'tshejusthate
himandbedonewithit?Thatwouldbemuchsimpler.

Butshedidn'thateKirk.Infact,atendernessswelleduphiher,attheoddest
moments.SuchaswhenDaisyclimbedonhislaptotellhimaboutthenewgame
she'dmadeupwithhersisters.Orwhenhestoppedinhistrackstofixaboard
thathadcomelooseonthedeck.

Notuntillatethatnight,pastteno'clock,afteradinnerofbarbecuedhamburgers,
withstrawberryshortcakefordessert,andatwo-hour-longgameofMonopoly
thatfinallyendedinastalematebetweenAndieandKirk,didtheyhavetimeto
talkatlast,justthetwoofthem.

NotthatClairewantedtotalk.Butclearly,theycouldn'tgoonastheywere.

WhenKirkcamebackfromtuckingthegirlsin,shehadapotofdecafcoffee
ready.

"Thanks."Kirktookhismug,andoutofhabittheywenttositbythefire—on
oppositeendsofthesofa.Thenightwasuncharacteristicallycool,andKirkhad
builtupablazewhiletheywereplayingMonopoly.Nowthelogsglowedamber,
givingthemsomethingtolookat,ratherthaneachother.

"Thegirlsseemokay,"Kirkfinallysaid.

"Yes.AlthoughAndiehashadsomeupsanddowns.IwishIknewwhatwasgoing
oninherhead."

"Ican'tbelievehowhermarksdeterioratedthisyear."

"Istillthinkmere'saproblemwiththekidsatschool."

"PoorAndie."

Yes.PoorAndie.Clairefeltlikecryingeverytimesheimaginedtellingtheireldest
daughtertheyweregettingadivorce.ThatwasnotwhatAndieneededrightnow.
Butmaybeitwouldbebettertogeteverythingoutintheopen.Eventually,Andie
wouldcometoacceptthesituation—didshehaveanychoice?

"We'vegottotelldiem,Kirk."

Kirkrubbedhischin,andsheheardthescratchofhiswhiskers."Whatisit,
exactly,thatwe'regoingtotellthem?"

Washebeingobtuseonpurpose?"Thatwe'reseparating."Shewouldn'tsay
divorce,notagain.Hewouldhavetobringupthesubject.

"Isthatwhatwe'redoing?"

"Well,that'ssureashellhowitfeels."Thiswassofrustrating.Whydidhekeep
turningherquestionsaround?Shewastryingtoberealistic,tryingtofacethe
facts.Didn'theknowhowhardthiswasforher?Evenwhentheyweretogether,
shefeltasthoughaglasswallwereseparatingthem.

"You'retheonewhowantedmetomoveout,"heremindedher.Hefinishedhis
coffeeandsetthemugdownonthetableinfrontofthem."Haveyougivenany
furtherthoughttotheideaofcounseling?"

Howfunnythewayheaskedthat.Asifshe'dthoughtofanythingelse.Thelogical
sideofherknewitwasareasonablesteptotake.Forthechildren'ssake,ifnot
hersandKirk's.Buttheemotionalside…

"Kirk,what'sthechancewecansavethismarriagewhenyou'reinlovewith
someoneelse?"

Hehadthegracetolookabashed."I'vebeendoingalotofthinkingsinceyouand
thegirlsleft."Heleanedforward,staringintothefire.

"Oh?"

"I'vemissedyou.Allofyou."Heglancedather,thenturnedaway,asifhedidn't
reallyexpecthertobelievehim."Ifyouagreetocometocounselingwithme,
thenI'llstopseeingJanice.Ihaven'tseenhersinceyouleft,anyway."

Clairehadtofightnottocryitwassucharelieftofindouthehadn'tbeen
spendingallhistimewithJanice.Orhadhe?Couldshereallybelievewhathewas
tellingher?

"Howisthatpossible,whenyouworktogether?"

"IguessIshouldhavebeenmoreclear.I'veseenherattheoffice,butwehaven't
spoken.ItoldherIneededtosortthingsoutwithyoufirst."

Oh,shewantedtobelievehim.Butthismanhadliedtoherinthepast.He'd
phonedtosayheneededtoworklate,whenitwasreallyanexcusetospendtime
withJanice.

"AndIshouldbelieveyoubecause—"

Kirk'sbroadshouldersroseandfellonalongsigh.Shecouldseetheflushof
coloronhischeekbones,whichwerehighlightedintheglowfromthefire.

"I'lladmitthereweretimeswhenIstretchedthetruth—stretcheditterribly.
Usually,atleastsomeworkwasinvolved."Hesighedoncemore,thenstoodto

throwanotherpieceofbirchonthefire.

"Iguessmere'smorethanonewaytodeceiveyourwife."

Thecoloronhischeeksdarkened."Okay.Ideservedthat.Thepointis,Claire,I'm
tellingthetruthnow.Iammakinganefforttodotherightthing.YoubelieveI
lovemykids,don'tyou?"

Clairestood,crossingherarmsoverherchest."Yes."Shewalkedtothewindows.
Inthedarkthewall-lengthpanesactedlikemirrors.Shetriedtoseepasther
imagetothecalmlakeoutside,butitwasimpossible.

Ofcoursehelovedhiskids.Buthedidn'tloveher.

"Goaheadandbookanappointment,"shesaid."Doyouhaveacounselorin
mind?"

Hecameupbesideher,andforamomentshethoughthewouldtouchher,buthe
stayedafullarm'slengthaway."Yes.Iphonedourfamilydoctor.Shegavemea
name."Hefishedacardfromhisbackpocket."RivaSharp.Shespecializesin
familycounseling,includingcouplestherapy."

Couplestherapy.ToClairetheconceptwassuspect.Shewonderedhowmanyof
thecoupleswhowenttotherapyendedupstayingtogether.Orwasthisjustan
extrasteptoprolongtheseparationprocess?

"HowaboutTuesdayafternoon?"Kirkasked."Couldyoufindsomeonetowatch
thegirls?"

"Isupposeyou'vealreadybookedtheappointment."

"Don'tbeangry,Claire.Ihopedyou'dsayyes."Heturnedtowardherthen,
touchinghershouldertentatively."Ican'tstandlivingthisway.I'vegottoknowif
wecanfixourmarriage."

Ornot.Clairemovedawayfromhim,towardthefire.Shewasn'tsureifshe
wantedtobeathimwithherfistsorbeghimtoholdher.Eitherway,tobenear
himwasn'tsafe.Shepickedupthepokerandopenedthescreen.Whenshetried
toflipovertheremnantofthelastlog,itdissolvedintoashes.Shereturnedthe
pokertoitscast-ironstandandshutthemeshscreening.

"Okay,"shesaidfinally."Whattime?"

"Twoo'clock."

"I'llbethere."

CHAPTEREIGHT

ThenextmorningKirkspentacoupleofhoursoutonthedeckafteralongearly-
morningswim,dealingwiththatbulgingbriefcasehe'dbroughtfromtheoffice.
Clairesippedherbalteauntilsheshookoffherdullheadache—thelegacyofyet
anotherrestlessnight.

She'dmeanttotellKirkyesterdaythatshewaspregnant.Severaltimesshe'd
evenopenedhermouth,butsomehowthewordshadstalledatthebackofher
throat.

Whyhadn'tshetoldhim?

Becauseitwasn'tsupposedtobethisway!Anewbabywassupposedtobegood
news.Notacomplicationinanalreadyvolatilesituation.

Shedidn'twanttoseeKirk'sfacecrumpleinresignationorshockordisbelief
whenheheardaboutthisbaby.Notafterhe'dbeensodelightedaboutthefirst
three.She'dneverforgethowtightlyhe'dsqueezedherwhentheygotthecall
aboutAndie.Orhowhe'dsentflowerswhenshewasjustsixweekspregnantwith
Daisy—givingClairetheinspirationforherseconddaughter'sname.Twoyears
later,whenherthirdpregnancywasconfirmed,they'dsplurgedonasittertogo
outfordinner.

Theirfinancialsituationhadbeentighterbackthen.Thatdinnerouthadbeena
realtreat.Oddhow,nowthattheycouldaffordit,shecouldn'trememberthelast
timesheandKirkhadgoneoutjustthetwoofthem.

WhyhadittakenKirk'sconfessiontomakehernoticethesethings?Thedwindling
oflovingwordsandactions,oftimespenttogether.Thethoughtfultouchesthat
hadmadethemacouple,notjustmotherandfathertothesamethreekids.

Thechangeshadtakenplacesograduallyshe'dneverrealizedhermarriagehad
enteredthedangerzone.

Clairerinsedouthermugandplaceditinthedishwasher.Thegirlswereoutside
collectingitemsfromascavengerlistshe'dgiventhemafterbreakfast.Firstone
tocomeupwithalltwelvewouldgettheplasticfigurethey'dfoundinthebottom
ofthecerealboxthatmorning.Inthemeantime,shewantedtoexperimentwith
somerecipesforthisweek'scolumn.Shehadanideaforafat-reducedpotato
salad.Andherbean-and-cornsaladwithcilantrowasalwaysabighit.Once
made,shecouldservethemasanearlydinner,beforeKirkwentbacktoToronto.

Clairedidn'tknowwhethershewasrelievedordisappointedabouthisupcoming
departure.Ofcourse,itwouldn'tbelonguntilshesawhimagain.

TheyhadthatappointmentbookedforTuesday.Justthinkingaboutitmadeher

bellytightenwithapprehension.DidKirkreallywanttosalvagetheirmarriage?
Orwashejustgoingthroughthemotionssohecouldtellhimselfhe'ddone
everythinghecouldtotrytomakeitwork?

Ormaybehewasdoingitfortheirchildren.Because,likeher,hehatedtobreak
uptheircomfortable,securehome.

Thatwasn'tabadreason,ofcourse,butasshescrubbedpotatoeswitha
vegetablebrush,Clairehadtoadmitthatshewishedheweremotivatedbymore
thangoodintentionstowardhisfamily.

Wheredidhisfeelingsforherfactorin?shemused.Ifindeedhehadany.

Atnoonontuesday,ClairedroppedherchildrenoffatMallory's.Theywere
excitedattheprospectofspendingthedayinPortCarlingwithAngel.Mallory
wasgoingtotakethemdowntotheparkbythebridge,wheretheycouldwatch
themotorboatstravelingthroughthelocksbetweenLakesMuskokaandRosseau.
Iftheywerelucky,they'dspottheRMSSegwunasthesteamshippassedthrough
thelocksorstoppedforpassengers."Here'sabatchofgranolasquaresforthe
kidstosnackon."ClairesettheplasticcontaineronMallory'skitchencounter.
"Andthisbaghasspareclothing,suntanlotionandhats."

"Perfect."Malloryleanedagainstthecounter,munchingonanapple."You're
alwayssoorganized.Withthreechildren,howdoyoudoit?"

"Withthreechildren,howcouldInot?"Claireopenedherpurseandpulledouta
coupleofsheetsofpaper."IalsohavemycolumnfortheGazette.Couldyougive
ittoDrewforme?"

"Youbet."Mallorytooktheenvelope."Drewsayshe'shadlotsofcallsaboutyour
firstcolumn."

"Oh?"Clairehadwonderedifmerewouldbeanyreaction.

"Allpositive.Iguessalotofpeoplehavemissedthatcolumnthesepastfew
years."

"Well,that'sarelief.Itisn'teasyfollowinginthefootstepsofAngelaDriscoll."

"Iknow.Shereallywassomething.DrewandIstillmisshersomuch."

Clairesqueezedherfriend'sshoulder.Angie'scancerhadstruckherdownso
swiftlyherfamilyandfriendshadhadnotimetopreparefortheloss.

"ShewouldhavebeensohappytoseeyouandDrewtogether.AndAngel…"

"Iliketothinkso."

"Bytheway,didyoutrytherecipe?Thestrawberryshortcake?"

"Claire,youknowDrewandIareculinarychallenged.Werelyonyouforour
home-cookedmeals.ButIheardGradyhadalotofsuccesswiththerecipethis
weekend.Thetwinsdroppedofftheirsportscolumnlastnightandmentionedthat
he'dservedtheshortcakefordessert."

HadTereseandherdaughterbeentheretoshareit?Clairedidn'taskthequestion
becauseshewasashamedofthestabofresentmentshefeltatthethoughtofthe
youngmotherandherchildenjoyingamealwiththeHogans.

Shedidn'tknowwhyshewasn'tpleasedtoseeGradyinthisnewrelationship.He
certainlydeservedtofindhisownhappinessnowthatBesshadleft.Andwhile
ClairehadreservationsaboutTerese,obviouslyeveryoneelselikedher.

"Idon'tmeantorushyou,"Mallorysaid,"butshouldn'tyoubegoing?Yousaid
yourappointmentwasattwo."

Claire'sstomachtensedaroundthebranmuffinandmilkshe'dforcedherselfto
haveforbreakfast.Glancingdownatherwatch,shenodded."You'reright.Wish
meluck."

Mallorywalkedhertothevan,thenleanedthroughtheopenwindowasClaire
turneddiekeyintheignition."IwantnothingmorethanforyouandKirktosort
thisout,"shesaid."Anddon'tworryaboutthegirls.We'llhavelotsoffun."

"Youknow,onethingthisdisasterhasremindedmeofishowluckyIamtohave
goodfriendslikeyouandDrew."Claireslippedonhersunglasses."Thanks,
Mallory."

Mallorypattedherarm."Youbet.Now,don'trushback.Takewhatevertimeyou
need.Anddon'tworry,"sheaddedinaloudervoiceasClairepulledoutfromthe
curb.

Clairesmiledandwaved.Don'tworry.Howcouldshenot?

ThecounselorKirkhadchosenwasfromBarrie.Thecitywasareasonable
midpointbetweenthecottageandToronto—indicative,perhaps,ofthekindof
compromisethey'dneedtosavetheirmarriage.

Savetheirmarriage…

Forasecond,hopelightenedthepressureagainstherchest,butalltoosoon
realismsetin.RegardlessofwhetherKirkhadsleptwithJanice,he'dbrokenhis
weddingvowtoClaire.Hewasinlovewiththeotherwoman,andhowcould
Clairecompete?Shewastenyearsolder,overweight—andpregnantontopof
everything!

Andshedidn'tevenwanttocompete.Aftertwelveyears,sheshouldn'thaveto.If
Kirkdidn'tvaluewhattheyhadtogether,thenshedidn'twanthim.

Sheturnedtheradiouploudandtriednottothinkasthemilesflewby.Kirkhad
leftherRivaSharp'sbusinesscard,andtheaddresswaseasytofind.Claireeased
thevanintoaparkingspotinfrontofthesmallbrickstructure,whichhouseda
legalfirmandaninsurancebrokerage,aswellasthecounselingpractice.

Kirk'ssedanwasalreadythere,parkedacrossthestreet,andshestaredatitfora
fewsecondsbeforepullingdowntheflapoverthevanitymirrorandreapplying
herlipstick.Whattoweartoamarriagecounselingsession?Thathadbeenher
quandarythismorning.Ithadbeencomplicated,ofcourse,byherneedtohide
herpregnancy.

Buthidingitwouldnolongerbenecessaryaftertoday.ShewasgoingtotellKirk
forsurethistime.Maybeafterthesessionwasovertheycouldgoforacoffeeor
something.

Iftheywerestillspeaking.

Sheflickedtheswitchtolockthevandoors,thensmootheddownherdenim
jumper.Shewaswearingablack,scooped-necktopunderneath,andfashionable
blackplatformsandals.Silverhoopshungfromherears,andhertoenails
gleamedrose-pinkfromlastnight'smanicure.

Shelookedokayforathirty-seven-year-oldwomanwhowasthreemonths
pregnant.Andwhosehusbandwasinlovewithanotherwoman.

Rivasharp'sofficewasbothcozyandprofessionalinappearance.Thewallswere
linedwithbookshelvesandadeskwastuckeddiscreetlybehindanintimate
arrangementofasofaandseveralchairs.

KirkwassittinginoneofthosechairswhenRivaopenedthedoor.Clairefelther
heartthudatthesightofhim.Helookedsohandsome,socalmandassured.How
wasthatpossible?

Hewasdressedinanavyfour-buttonsuit,withapaleblueshirtandoneofhis
jazzierties.Somehowsheknewhehadn'tprocrastinatedinfrontofthemirror,as
shehad,tryingtodecidewhattowear.

Despitethefreshcoatoflipstick,herlipsfeltdryasshesmiledathim,beforeshe
turnedtothecounselor.Rivaseemedtobeinherearlyforties.Blackhair
streakedwithsilver,warmeyesliketoastedpecans,andawidesmile.Shewas
wearingafull-skirtedcottondressthatswishedaroundherlegsasshewalked.
OnherfeetshehadonBirkenstocks,hertoenailsunpainted.

"Comein,Claire.Howwasthedrive?Wouldyoulikeacoffee?"

"Shetakescream,"Kirksaid.

Amused,Clairesatonthesofa,vaguelyawarethatKirkhadrisen,thenseated
himselfagain.Twomugsalreadysatonceramiccoastersonthelowtableinfront
ofthem,nexttoaglassbowlofpaper-wrappedcandies.Amomentlater,athird
mugwasplacedonanewcoasterinfrontofher.

"Thereyougo,Claire.I'msogladyoucouldmakeit."

Howgenialeveryonewasbehaving,asifthiswereasimplesocialgathering.
Clairesetherpurseinherlapandfoldedherarmsoverit.Rivatookachairon
theothersideofthesofa.Ifsomeonehaddrawnlinesconnectingthethreeof
them,theresultwouldhavebeenanequilateraltriangle.Perfectlybalanced,
Clairethought,withnobiases.Anotheromen?

"Sohowareyoudoing,Claire?"Rivaleanedforwardoverherthighs.

"I'vebeenbetter."Now,therewasanunderstatement.

"Yes.I'msureyouhave.Kirkexplainedyoursituationtomeoverthephone.And
wehadafewminutestotalkbeforeyouarrived.Nowit'syourturn.Isthere
anythingyou'dliketoaskmebeforewegetstarted?"

"Doestherapyreallysavemarriages?"Shehadn'tmeanttobesoblunt,but
wasn'tthatwhatsheneededtoknow?Shedidn'twanttogothroughweeksof
meetingsiftherewasn'tanyhope.

"Therapycanhelp.Itusuallydoes."Rivasatbackinherchair,herexpression
suddenlystern."Asforsavingamarriage—well,thatpart'suptoyou.Uptoboth
ofyou."SheglancedatKirk,thenturnedtoClaireagain.

"Doyouwanttosaveyourmarriage,Claire?"

Theabruptquestioncaughtheroffguard."IthinkKirkshouldanswerthatfirst."

"Why?"

Wasn'titself-evident?SurelyKirkhadtoldherthefundamentalsoftheir
situation."He'stheonewho'sfalleninlovewithsomeoneelse."

Forthefirsttimesinceshe'dwalkedintheroom,Claireangledherbodysoshe
facedherhusband,andlookedathim,reallylookedathim.Hemethergazewith
resignation.Orwasitsorrow?

"Isn'tthatright?"shedemanded,wantinghimtosaysooutloud,infrontofthe
therapist.

Foralongmomenthedidn'tanswer.Thenhischestrosewithadeep,indrawn
breath,andhenodded."JaniceandIhadanemotionalconnectionthatClaireand
Ihavebeenmissingforalongtime.That'strue."

Jealousy,morepotentthananyvenom,shotthroughClaire'sbloodstream.
Channelingtheemotionintoanger,sheretaliatedquickly."Well,it'sprettyhard
tohaveanemotionalconnectionwithamanwho'sneverhome."

Kirkdidn'tdefendhimself,andintheensuingsilence,Rivaspokecautiously."I
understandyouranger,Claire.Buthaveyouseenthepositiveaspectofthis
situation?"

"Positiveaspect?"UpuntilthismomentClairehadreservedjudgmentonthe
olderwoman.NowshehadtowonderatRiva'ssanity.

"WhatI'mgettingat,"thetherapistcontinued,"isthatKirktoldyouaboutthis
womanbeforetherelationshipprogressedtoafullyintimatestage.Thathasto
tellyousomething,Claire."

Whatthecounselorwantedhertosaywasobvious.ThatKirk'shonestywasasign
hecaredaboutthemarriage.Iftheyweretalkingaboutoneincidentonly,Claire
mightbemorepreparedtoagree.ButKirkhaddeceivedherformonths.Hewas
anadult;he'dknownwhathewasdoing.

"Itsayshewasfeelingbloodyguilty!"

Shetookashallowbreath,thencontinued."Asheshouldhave.Thefactthathe
didn'tsleepwithherdoesn'tmakeitanylesswrong.Hefellhilovewithher!"

Riva'sexpressionwasnoncommittal.Didn'tshegetit?

"Formonthshetoldmelies,neglectedourkids,spentallhisfreetimewithher.
Sowhatiftheydidn'tactuallyhavesex?Andsowhatifguiltfinallymadehim
admitthetruthtome?Heshouldneverhavelettherelationshipprogressasfar
asitdid."

Shewasraving.Claireknewit,andshetriedtocalmdown,butdamnit,shefelt
thecounselorwasmakingexcusesforKirk.

"Youmaynotthinkmyhusband'shadanaffair,andmaybetechnicallyhehasn't.
Butinhisheart—"sheglancedatKirk,meetinghisgaze"—he'sasguiltyassin
andheknowsit."

Kirkheldherlook;theonlyindicationsthathe'dtakeninherwordswerethe
palingofhiscomplexionandthetighteningofhislips.

Afterafewmomentsofsilence,Rivafinallyspoke."Doyouhaveanythingtosay,

Kirk?"

HeclearedhisthroatandshiftedhisgazefromClairetoRiva."She'sright.Ilet
myrelationshipwithJanicestrayoutofbounds.AndIknewwhatIwasdoing.I
can'tjustifyit,beyondsayingthatitmademehappytobewithher."

No!Didhehaveanyideahowthathurt?

"Icanseethatupsetsyou,"Rivasaidquietly."What'swrong,Claire?"

"I’mtheonehe'ssupposedtobehappywith."

"Butareyouhappywithme?"Kirkcountered."Itdoesn'tfeelthatway.WhenI
comehome,allIsensefromyouisdisappointment.Idon'tevenhavemyfootin
thedoorandIknowyou'realreadyangryatme."

"There'sadifferencebetweenmybeingangrywhenyoucomehomelatefrom
workandyourhavinganaffair!"

Kirk'sexpressionwascoldashereplied,"Isupposethereis."

Hewasunbelievable!Clairewantedtowalkoutoftheroomrightthen,butRiva
leanedoverandplacedahandonhers."Anaffairdoesn'thavetomeantheend
ofamarriage."

Clairethoughtaboutthatforaminute."Youmeanyougetcoupleswhereoneof
thepartnerswasactuallysleepingwithsomeoneelseandtheyendupstaying
together?"

"Ithappensallthetime.Moreoftenthanyoumightthink.Therearereasons,
goodreasons,forkeepingamarriagetogether.Atthesametime,affairsdo
happen.Sometimes,thepartnerscangetpastit.Sometimes,theycan't.Often,it
dependsonthebasisforthemarriageinthefirstplace.Arethespouseswell
matched?Dotheysharevaluesandinterests?"

Once,Clairewouldhavesaidyestothosequestions.Nowshethoughtaboutthe
hoursKirkputintowork.Hewasconsumedbyhisneedforsuccess.Hadhe
consciouslyplacedhisworkgoalsaheadoftheneedsofhiswifeandchildren?

''Kirk'sjobhascomefirstforalongtimenow.''

"That'snotfair,"heretaliated."JustbecauseIdon'tworkninetofivedoesn't
meanIdon'tlovemyfamily."

"Doesn'tit?Whenwasthelasttimeyouwenttooneofthekids'soccergames?
Youcouldn'tmakeDaisy'sdancerecitalinJune."

"Icouldn'thelpitthatIhadameeting—"

Hadhe?Ormaybehe'djustbeenspendingmoretimewithJanice.Claire
wonderedwhywasshesittinghere.Listeningtohimwasjustmakinghermore
angry.Moreresentful."There'salwayssomeexcuse,isn'tthere."

"Youdon'tappreciatethepressuresofmyjob."

"Andyoudon'tappreciatethepressuresofmine."Hethoughtstayinghomeand
takingcareofthreekidswasapicnic.Sheknewhedid."Itwouldbenicetohave
alittleassistanceattimes.Itwouldbenicetohaveabreak,occasionally,atthe
endofaday."

"I'vetoldyouI'dhavenoproblemwithyouhiringacleaninglady."

Acleaninglady?Themanjustdidn'tgetit."God,Kirk,I'mthreemonthspregnant
andyouhaven'tbeenaroundenoughtonotice!"

CHAPTERNINE

"Pregnant?"Kirkfellbackinhischair,theworldaroundhimdarkeningsothat
therewasonlyonefocalpoint.Hiswife'sface.

She'dgonequiet.Thepoisonintheirargumenthadfounditsantidote,andthat
hadbeenherstunningannouncement.

"Pregnant."Heknewitwastrue.Subtlesignshe'dbeentootroubledtodetect
lineduplikearrowsmarkingtherouteonamap.

Hisgazesliddownthefrontofherdenimdress,whichcouldn'tquitedisguisethe
thickeningofherwaist,thefullnessofherbreasts.Insomecornerofhisbrain
he'dregisteredthathiswifewasgainingweight.Ithadn'toccurredtohimto
wonderwhy.

"Youcouldhavetoldme."

Clairelookedathimwearily."CouldIhave?"

Emotionsqueezedoffhisthroat.Blinking,Kirkstood,thengropedhiswaytothe
window.

CouldIhave?Claire'squestionwasstillaliveintheroom,bouncingoffthewalls,
playingoverandoverinhishead.

Ofcourseshecouldn'thavetoldhim.Shewasright.Hespentalmostallhistime
atwork,andwhenhewashome,hewashardlyaccessible.Atleastnot
emotionally.

Kirkpressedhisforeheadagainstthecoolglassofthewindow.God,whatwasthe
matterwithhim?Howcouldhebeinthismess?Thesepastsixmonths…ateach
stephe'dfeltsomehowjustifiedinwhathewasdoing.Now,lookingback,hefelt
onlydisgust.Disgustforthechoiceshe'dmadeandthepainhe'dcaused.Forall
ofthem.

Claire,Janiceandhimself.Therewerenowinnersinthisgame.Nomatterwhat
theeventualoutcome,noonewouldemergeunscathed.

"ObviouslyClaire'srevelationcameasashocktoyou,Kirk,"Rivastated.

Henodded,returningtohischairbutunabletolookatClaire.Time—heneeded
sometime.Claire'spregnancychangedeverything,althoughhowhewasn'tsure.
Didoneunbornchildcountformorethanthreeexistingones?

Hethoughtofhisdaughters,andcordsofguiltwrappedaroundhisneck.Oh,God,
whathadhedone?Andhowtogoaboutsettingthingsright?Tofindtheright
wordstookeffort,andwhenhedid,hisvoicewasn'tassteadyashewouldhave
liked.

"IthinkthebasicsarethereforClaireandme.Butwe'veneverhadthemarriage
weoughttohavehad.Ifwe'regoingtogetanywhere,Ithinkwebothhaveto
admitthatmuch."

Clairelookedathimasifhe'dbetrayedheryetagain.

Buthecouldn'tbackoff.Ifhedidn'tfinishnow,itwouldneverbesaid.
"Something'salwaysbeenmissing."

"No."

Thereitwas.Thatblankdenial.Howcouldhearguewhensherefusedtoseetheir
pastforwhatitwas?

"Whyarewehere?"Claire'shandstrembled."Ifyouwereneverhappy,why
bothertryingtofixthingsatthislatestage?"

Despitehisownbitterguilthefeltanger.Clairewasnevergoingtoforgivehim,
letaloneworkontheproblemsthathadwedgedbetweenthemrightfromthe
start.Maybeitwastimetogiveup.

Thenhethoughtoftheunbornbaby,andhisangerdeepened.Sohehadn'tbeen
aroundasmuchasheshouldhave.Still,hehadn'tdeservedtofindoutabouther
pregnancythisway.Clairethrowingthenewsathimasthoughitwashersecret
trumpcard.Hah!Takethat!

Well,ifcausinghimpainhadbeenhergoal,she'dsureashellsucceeded.Butin

termsofpreservingtheirmarriage…

Hewonderedifhewastheonlyonewhofelttheywerehardlymovingintheright
direction.

somehowRivamanagedtodissipatetheirhostilityenoughtoconvinceClaireand
Kirktobookasecondappointment.ClaireleftKirkatthereceptiondesktosettle
theiraccount.

Onthestreet,shefishedanxiouslyinherpurseforherkeys.Kirk'sbitteranalysis
oftheirlifetogetherwasallshecouldthinkof.Sotheirrelationshiphadalways
beenflawed.Kirkhadneverbeenhappy.Thatwaswhatshe'ddrivenallthisway
todiscover.Sheshouldhaveknownhe'dblameeverythingonher.Nevermind
thathe'dliedandcheatedandfalleninlovewithsomeonenew…

Thedoortothevanwaswarmassheliftedthehandle.Inside,theheatedairwas
suffocating,andsheflinchedwhenshetouchedthehotvinylofthesteering
wheel.Afterturningontheengine,sheputtheairconditioneronHigh,andthat
waswhenshespottedtheslipofpapertrappedbeneathherwindshieldwiper.

Damn!Aparkingticket.Shehadn'tevennoticedthemeterearlier.

SheclimbedoutofthevanandwasjustliftingthewiperbladewhenKirkcame
outoftheoffice.Shestuffedtheticketintothesidepocketofherjumper,then
gotbackintothevan.Butnotfastenough.

"Wherethehelldoyouthinkyou'regoing?"

Theangerinhisvoice,theactualwordsheusedmadeherheartpound.Kirk
didn'tnormallytalkthatway.Shepressedabuttononthepanelbyherelbow,
andthepassengerwindowopenedsmoothly.

"Don'tswearatme!"

Ignoringtheopenwindow,heyankedatthepassengerdoor,thenhauledhisbody
intotheseatnexttoher.Thevanwasroomy,butClairestillfeltuncomfortable,
awarethattheyhadn'tsatthiscloseinthetherapist'soffice.Shetriedtoignore
himassheadjustedtheventsoitwasblowingcoolairdirectlyatherface.

"Don'tyouthinkweoughttotalk?"

Hesoundedcalmernow,butshewasstillannoyed."Itdidn'tseemtodousmuch
goodinthere."

Kirktwistedinhisseatuntilhewasfacingher,hisgazesteady."Hellofawayto
findoutmywifeispregnant.Couldn'tyouhavetoldmethisweekend?"

Shegrippedthewheelandstaredaheadofher."MaybeIwouldhave.IfI'dfelt
morelikeawifeandlesslikeunwantedbaggage."

"Unwantedbaggage,"herepeatedbitterly."Thatprettymuchsumsitup,doesn't
it?"

Whatdidhemean?Wasthatreallyhowhesawher?Shedidn'thavethenerveto
ask.

"ThreemonthsClaire?Areyoureallythatfaralong?"

Sheglancedsidewaysandsawhimeyeingherstomach,herbreasts.Withher
seatbeltfastened,thesignswerealltooobvious.

"Yes.Iwenttothedoctorafewdaysbeforeyoutoldmeabout—aboutJanice.I'd
justgotoffthephonewiththeresultswhenyoucameintothekitchen."

Hecursed."Greattiming."

Claireswallowed,thinkingaboutthechildshewascarrying.Thepoorthing
couldn'thelpthatitsparentswereinsuchamuddle.Yetitwouldsurelyhaveto
livewiththeconsequences.

"Butwhydidyougotothedoctorsolate?Withtheothersweknewbysix
weeks."

"Idon'tknowwhyIdidn'tnoticethesigns.IguessIlosttrackofmyperiod…"
Clairetrailedoffasshewonderedifshewasjustkiddingherself.Hadshereally
beensooblivioustothemessagesherbodywasgivingher?True,shedidn'tget
themorningsicknessthatsomanyotherwomensufferedfrom,butshe'dbeen
tiredandherbreastshadswollen.Thenthere'dbeenthemissedperiods.

Maybeshe'dignoredthesignalsbecausesubconsciouslyshe'dknownher
marriagewasintrouble.

"Thisshock,alltheunhappiness…"Kirkshookhishead."Iknowyouhaven'tbeen
eatingthatwell.Orsleeping,either.Haveyoutalkedtoyourdoctorabout
possibleimpactonthebaby?"

"Mynextappointmentisn'tforthreeweeks.Isawthedoctorjustbeforeweleft
forthelake.AtthatpointI'dlostsomeweight—butthat'stypicalforthefirst
trimester."Shethoughtofthetestshe'dsuggested—shewasoverthirty-fivenow,
andtherewereprecautionsthatshouldbetaken.Butthiswasn'tthetimeforthat
discussion.

"Youneverlostanyweightwiththefirstthree."

True.Itwasn'tthepregnancy;itwastheemotionalduress,andherresultinglack
ofappetite,thatwastoblame."I'mtryingtoeatproperly."

"Oh,Claire."Kirktouchedthesideofhercheekwithhishand.

ForamomentClaireclosedhereyes,thecaressofKirk'shandallshecaredto
thinkabout.Underneaththepolishedbusinessmanveneer,Kirkhadatenderside
thatshe'dseentoolittleoflately.Exceptwhenhewaswiththegirls.Hehad
inordinatepatiencewiththemsometimes,shethought,evenmorethanshedid.

"Howdidthishappentous?"heasked.

Claire'seyesopenedatthereminderoftheirsituation."Howdidthishappen?"
Shepulledbackfromhistouchandslippedhersunglassesfromthevisor."I'mnot
theonewhoneedstoanswerthatquestion."

SomuchforthetendernessinKirk'sexpression.

Heleanedbackinhischair,hismouththinnedtoahard,tightline.

Shestaredathimpointedly."Ihavetogo,Kirk.Mallory'sgotthegirlsandI
promisedI'dbehomebeforedinner."Actually,shehadn'tsaidwhenshe'dbe
home.Andhadn'tMallorytoldhernottorushback?ButKirkdidn'tknowanyof
that.

"Iwanttocomeoutthisweekend.Fridaynight,ifthat'sokay."

Itwasn'tokay.Shedidn'twanttofaceuptowhatwashappeningbetweenthem.
Shedidn'twanttoanalyzewhathadgonewrongorfigureouthowtosetthings
right.Nowallshefeltwasanger,andconcentratingonthatseemedeasier.

Butthenshethoughtofthegirls'disappointmentiftheirfatherdidn'tcomefor
theweekend.

"Yes,"shesaid,fixinghereyesontheroadinfrontofher."Thegirlswouldlike
that."

"Thegirls,Claire?"

Sheknewwhathewasasking,ofcourse,anditwasdefinitelytoomuch.

"Ihavetogo,"sherepeated.

Helookedatherafullminute,butsherefusedtomeethisgaze,focusing,
instead,onthestreet,onthedottedwhiteline,onthetrafficlightswhereshehad
toturntomeetthehighway.Finally,heletoutaraggedsigh."Okay,then."

Heopenedthepassengerdoorandsteppedoutontothesidewalk."Youwilltake

careofyourself?Eatproperlyandgetenoughsleep?"

Hisconcernforhisunbornchildwastouching.Whenithadbeenjusther,he
hadn'tworriedso.Shenoddedcurtly,stillstaringoutthefrontwindow,and
waitedforhimtoclosethedoor.

"It'snotjustthebabyI'mworriedabout."

Oh,sure.Asthoughshewerefoolenoughtobelievethat."I'llbecareful,Kirk."

"Good.I'llseeyouFriday."

CHAPTERTEN

Holdingherselftogetherfortherestofthatweekwasn'teasy,butsomehowClaire
managed.Shehadto,becauseofthechildren.

Thankgoodnessshehadthem.Ifnot,shemighthavegoneinsane,ordrivenoff
inthevanandnevercomeback.AllthoughtsofKirk,oftheirtwelve-year
marriage,broughtwiththemlashesofpain.Yetshecouldthinkoflittleelse.

Shewonderedwheretheyhadgonewrong,whyKirkhadn'ttalkedtoher,whyhe
hadturnedtoJanice.

Andmostpainfulofall,ClairewonderedifhewasmissingJanicenow.He'dsaid
hewouldn'tseeherwhileheandClaireweregoingtotheircounselingsessions.
Butdidhewantto?Washestillthinkingoftheotherwoman?Dreamingofher?

WhenGradyinvitedClaireandthegirlstogowaterskiinglateThursday
afternoon,Claireacceptedeagerly.Thedistractionwasbadlyneeded.Notjustby
her,butbythegirls.AlldayWednesday,andthismorning,too,they'dbeenatone
another'sthroats.EspeciallyAndieandDaisy.

Now,ensconcedinGrady'ssixteen-footfiberglassrunabout,Clairetookherfirst
fullrelaxingbreathoftheday.Shesatsidewayssoshecouldkeepaneyeon
Andie,whowasskiingbehindthewake,aproudsmilespreadoverherface.Daisy
andJennasatinthetwobackseats,wavingmadlyattheireldersister.

"She'sdoinggreat,"Gradyshoutedafteraglanceoverhisshoulder.Thenhe
grinnedatClaireandwinked.Shefocusedbrieflyonhisruggedface,thewhite
flashofhisteeth,thebreadthofhisshoulders.

Gradywasabigman—welloversixfeet,withahuskybuild.Althoughthe
summerseasonhadjustbegun,hewasalreadytanned.Hereyefollowedthe
taperedlinethatledfromhisbarechesttohisflatbelly.Andhewasclearlyin
shape.

Self-consciously,shetuggedthewhiteT-shirtsheworeoverhersuit,amaternity
modelbuilttoaccommodateherexpandingwaistline.Sheherselfwouldn'tbe
drawinganyadmiringlooksthissummer.Notthatshehadinyears.Somehow
thosefiveextrapoundshadn'tdisappearedafterJennathewaytheyhadwiththe
othertwo.

Whatwouldhappenafterthisone?Wouldshegainevenmoreweight?Tenpounds
insteadoffive?Itdidn'tbearthinkingabout.Pressinghersunglassesupagainst
thebridgeofhernose,sheturnedherattentionbacktoAndie,whowasstill
skimmingoverthelake.

"Waytogo,Andie!"Clairewavedencouragingly.ToobadKirkhadtomissthis—
theireldestdaughter'sfirstskioftheseason.Thethoughtcameautomatically,
followedquicklybyastabofpain.Kirkwasn'there,andmaybe,afterthis
summer,hewouldneverbeagain.Atleastnotwhenshewasaround.

Claireswallowed,andjabbedathersunglassesagain.ShecouldseetheHogans'
gray-painteddockinfrontofthem.Grady'ssonTaylorwasstandingattheedge,
shoutinginstructionstoAndie.Besidehimweretwootherpeoplewhohadn'tbeen
thereearlier.Awomanandachild.TereseBalfourandherdaughter,Lisa.

ClaireglancedatGrady.He,too,hadspottedthenewcomersandhadhishand
raisedinwelcome.ClaireswallowedandturnedbacktowardAndie.Theywere
closetothedock.ItwasalmosttimeforAndietoletgooftherope…

"Now,Andie!"

AtTaylor'ssignal,Andiedroppedthehandle,andtheropeskiddedaheadwithout
her.Foramomentsheseemedtobestandingonwater,thenslowlyshebeganto
sinkintothelake.

"Oh!It'scold!"ClaireheardherdaughtercalloutasGradyswungtheboat
around.

"Goodwork,Andie!"Taylorpositionedhim-selfonthedock,thendivedintohelp
retrievetheskiswhileAndieswamashore.

Terese,hertinybodylookingterrificinablackbikini,herolive-tonedskinalmost
asbronzedasGrady's,leanedovertoofferherahand."Welldone!"

"Hey,Terese!Gladyoucouldmakeit.WouldLisaliketorideintheboat?''

"Ihavemylifejacketon,"Lisapointedout,tuggingonTerese'shand.Thefive-
year-oldhadhermother'sdarkcoloring,butherhairwaslonger,andcurrently
tiedbackintwohighpigtails."CanIski?"

"Notthisyear,"Teresesaid."MaybelaterGradywillpullyouandtheothergirls

behindtheboatinatube."

"Howaboutyou,Terese?"Gradyasked,slidinghissunglassesuponhishead.
"Wouldyouliketohaveago?"

Whentheotherwomannodded,ClairefacedGrady.

"Hassheskiedbefore?"

"Afewtimes."

Halfexpectingtheyoungerwomantofallflatonherface,Clairewassurprised
whenTeresepoppedoutofthewateronthefirsttry.Althoughobviouslya
beginner,shemanagedtobreakoutfrombehindthewaketocutafewturns,
beforeGradyheadedbacktothedock.

Tereseswamdirectlyfortheboatwhenshe'dfinishedherattempt.Laughing,she
letGradypullheroutofthewater.Claireavertedhereyesratherthansee
Terese'sflatbelly.

Forawomantolookthatgood,especiallywhenshe'dhadababy,wasn'tfair.And
itespeciallywasn'tfairthatGradysoobviouslynoticed.Hewrappedatowel
aroundTerese'ssoakedbodyandaskedJennaifshecouldshareherseat.

ClairedecidedtositoutonthedockwhilefirstTaylor,thenGradywentforaspin.
Bothwereincredibleskiers,butafterseverallongrunsitwasclearthatTaylor
hadfinallysurpassedhisfatherinendurance,ifnothingelse.

"Whew!''Gradypulledhimselfoutofthewaterandfloppeddownonthestained
cedardocknexttoClairewhilehecaughthisbreath."Ihatetoadmitit,butI
can'tkeepupwiththatboyanymore."

Atthewheel,Taylorcalledouttohisfather,"I'mgoingtotakethegirlstubing.Is
thatokay?Andiecanspotforme."

GradyglancedatClaireand,whenshenodded,calledback,"Okay,son."

TeresehelpedsettleDaisy,JennaandLisainsidethelargerubbertube,then
pushedawayfromtheboatandswamtowardshore.Taylorstartedtheboat
moving,andallthreegirlsshriekedwithpleasure.

Foramoment,Clairewatchedvigilantly.Satisfiedthateveryonewassafe,she
restedherfaceonbentkneesandturnedtoGrady,whohaddriedoffwithasmall
whitetowelthatnowhungaroundhisneck.HisattentionwasfocusedonTerese,
whowasstillswimmingbacktothedock.

"Happy,Grady?"Claireasked.

Heglancedsidewaysather,thenbacktotheboat,whichwascuttingawidecircle
onthelake.

"Amazinglyenough,yes,"hesaidatlast."Thedivorcehasn'tbeeneasy,butI
thinkI'vefinallyputitbehindme."

"I'mglad."Clairedidn'tthinkshe'deverunderstandhowBesscouldhaveleft
Grady.Gradywassomeoneawomancouldcounton.He'dmarriedBesswhen
she'dtoldhimshewaspregnant.Clairewaswillingtobethe'dnevercheated
duringtheiryearsofmarriage.Andthedivorce—thathadalmostkilledhim,but
he'dneversaidawordagainstBess.Stilldidn't.

"YouandTerese…"Shedeliberatelyleftthesentenceunfinished,hopinghe'dtell
herabouttheirrelationship.

ButGradyjustsmiled.

Amomentlater,Teresewaswithinearshot.Gradycrouchedlowandofferedhera
handasherfeetsoughtpurchaseonthemetalladder.

"Hi,Claire,"shesaid,slightlyoutofbreath."Yourgirlsaresurehavingablast."

"Yes."TherewaswarmthinTerese'salmond-shapedeyes,butClairehadnever
feltcomfortableinherpresenceanddidn'tfeelcomfortablenow.

WasitduetoTeresethatGradyhadfinallymadepeacewithhisdivorcefrom
Bess?Ifthatwastrue,thenClaireknewsheoughttofeelthankful.Butforsome
reason,thatwasn'tthewayshefeltatall.

MalloryandDrewboththoughtTeresewasgreat,butthatdidn'tmeanshewas
therightwomanforGrady.Afterall,shecamewithalotofbaggage.Nottheleast
ofwhichwasanabusiveex-husbandandayoungdaughter.

WasshereallythebestchoiceforGrady?SomehowClairedidn'tthinkso.

ClairewaslyingonherbedFridaynightwhensheheardKirk'ssedaninthe
driveway.Thenumbersonthebedsidealarmclockglowedredinthedark:11:05.
He'dphonedwhilesheandthegirlswereeatingbeansandwienersonthedeck
andsaidhe'dbealittlelate.

Why?Whatareyoudoing?Whoareyouwith?

Shehadn'taskedanyofthosequestions,althoughshe'dbeentempted.Nowshe
rolledontohersideassheheardhimopenthedoor,drophiskeysonthecounter,
sethisbagonthefloor.Howmanytimeshadshelaininbedlisteningforthose
familiarsounds?

Sheheardhisfootstepsinthehall,thenthesoundofdoorsopeningandclosing
ashecheckedonthegirls—DaisyandAndieinthebunkbeds,Jennainthedouble
bednextdoor.Shuttinghereyes,Claireimaginedwhathesaw.Youngbodies
tangledinbedclothes,smellingoflakewaterandsunscreendespitevigorous
scrubbingintheshowerearlier.Hairsplayedonpillows,nosesfreckled,eyelashes
restingonsmoothwhitecheeks.Booksandstuffedanimalsscatteredonthefloor.
Jenna'snewrockcollectioninapailbyherbed.

Clairerealizedshewasstrokinghertummy.Nextsummertherewouldbeone
morebed—acrib—andonemoretinyfacetokissgood-night.

NowthefootstepspausedandClaireknewKirkwasstandingbyherdoor.Would
hepushthedooropen,orgosleeponthecouch?She'dleftanextrapillowplus
anoldafghanononeofthecushions.Justasshe'ddonelastweekend.

Shetookadeepbreath,thinkingofthetimesbefore,howherbeingpregnanthad
seemedtoturnKirkon.Whileotherexpectingwomencomplainedthattheir
husbandstreatedthemasiftheyhadaninfectiousdisease,Kirkhadwantedto
makelovemoreoftenthanusual.He'drelishedcuppingherswollenbreastsinhis
hands,coveringhergrowingbellyinsoft,warmkisses.

They'dbeenalittlenervouswiththeirfirstchild,untilherdoctorhadreassured
themthatifClairefeltnodiscomfort,thenthebabywouldbefine.

Clairehadfeltalotofthings,butdiscomfortwasn'toneofthem.Nowthefamiliar
tinglingsensationstirredinher,travelingfromthetipsofherbreaststothe
warmthbetweenherlegs.Shemissedmakinglove.Howlonghaditbeennow?
Clairedidsomequickarithmeticandarrivedatatotalofjustoverfiveweeks.If
theyweregettingadivorce,thenthiswasanotheroneoftheadjustmentsshe
wouldhavetomake.

Butmaybetheywouldsurvivethiscrisis.Thewordsofthecounselorcameback
toher,astheysooftenhadsinceTuesday.

Anaffairdoesn'thavetomeantheendofamarriage.

Wasittrue?Clairewonderediftherewerecouplesinherowncircleoffriends
whohadgonethroughsimilarsituations.Ifso,itwassomethingtheydidn'ttalk
about.

Sinkingintoherpillow,shetriedtorememberthegoodthingsabouther
marriage,backintheearlydays.Surelysexhadbeenoneofthem.Atleastfrom
whatsheremembered.

Asimilarsenseofhumorhadbeenanother.Laughingtogetherwassomething
theyhadn'tdoneforevenlongerthanmakinglove.

Andtalkinguntiltheweehoursofthenight.Whenshe'dfirstmetKirktherehad
neverseemedtobeenoughtimetosayallthatwasinhermind.Nowtheyonly
communicatedaboutthechildren.

"Kirk?"Shesteppedoutontothecoolplankfloorandreachedforherthincotton
wrapjustasthedoorswungopen.Therewerenocurtainsontheopenwindow,
andpalelightfromthemoonmadeitpossibleforhertoseethedarksilhouetteof
hisbody.Tall,lean,broadshouldered…

"Sorry.DidIwakeyou?"

He'dbeenstandingbehindhercloseddoorforalmostfiveminutes.Whathadhe
beenthinking?

"No.Iwasfeelingkindofrestless."

"CanImakeyousomeherbaltea?"

"Thatwouldbenice."Shefollowedhimtothekitchen,whereheturnedonthe
lightoverthestove.Hewasstillwearinghissuitfromtheoffice,althoughhe'd
removedhistieandloosenedthetopbuttonsofhisshirt.Hishah-hadgrowna
little,andoneofthecurlsfelloverhisforehead.

Nowhebrusheditbackwithhishandbeforetakingthebottledwaterfromthe
fridgeandfillingthekettle.

"IwishIcouldhavebeenherebeforethekidswenttobed,butIhadsome
paperworktocatchupon."Heglancedather,asifexpectinghertoquestionhim
further,butshejustslidontoastoolandleanedherelbowsonthecounter.

"YoushouldhaveseenAndiewhenshestooduponskisyesterday.Shewasso
nervousatfirst,thenshegotthisgrinonherface."

"Icanimagine.Shesoundedthrilledwhenshetoldmeonthephone.I'msorryI
missedit."Heputteabagsintomugs."DoyouthinkGradywouldtakeusouton
theboatthisweekend?I'dlovetoseeDaisytryforherfirsttime."

"I'msurehewould,butIdon'tknowifDaisy'sready.Shelookedprettynervous
whenAndiewasskiing."

"Well,wewon'trushher."Kirkpouredtheboilingwaterintothemugs.

WatchingKirkperformthesimpledomestictask,Clairerealizedtheyweretalking
aboutthekidsagain.Maybeitwasnowondertheirmarriagehadfallenapart.

"Whatdoyousaywedrinktheseonthedeck."

"Sure."Shefollowedhimouttheslidingdoors,noticingthewayhepaused
slightlyatthesofa.Maybehe'dseenthepillowandtheblanketanddrawnthe
obviousconclusion.

Itwaswarmoutside—toowarm,really.Shefeltstickyandflushedeveninher
nightieandwrap,whichweremadeofthethinnestcottonandonlycamedownto
midthigh.Atleasttherewasabreeze.Shestoodattherailing,admiringthetrail
ofmoonlightonthegentlyrippledsurfaceofthelake.

"Didyouhearthat?"Kirkasked,handingheroneofthemugs."Careful,it'shot."

Shebalancedthemugonthecedarrailingandtiltedherheadtolisten."Anowl?"

"Ilovethatsound.Italwaysremindsmeofthefirsttimeyoubroughtmehere.
Rememberhowwesneakedoutinthecanoeonceyourparentswereasleep?"

Clairelaughedsoftly.They'dpaddledoutfromshore,thenmadeloveawkwardly
butpassionatelyonaquiltedblanketKirkhadspreadonthewoodenfloor
betweentheseats.Anowlhadskimmedacrossthesky,soclosetheyheardthe
rustleofhisfeathersaninstantbeforehisunearthlycallhadpunctuatedthe
crucialmoment

"Thatwasunforgettable,"sheagreed.Apressureonherarmmadeherglance
downtowhereKirkhadplacedhishand.

"Youlookbeautiful,Claire.You'resolovelywhenyou'repregnant."

Shehadn'trealizedhewasstaringather,andnowtheintensityofhisexpression
hadhercatchingherbreath."Youcouldn'teventellIwasexpectingthelasttime
yousawme,"sheremindedhim.Onlyfourdaysago.Shewouldn'thavechanged
muchhithatamountoftime.

"Imusthavebeenblindnottohavenoticed."Hiseyestraveleddownfromher
facetothelowscoopofhernightie,thentothethinfabricthatclungtoher
breasts.Shesawhimmoistenhislips,thengazelower.

"MayI?"

Shedidn'tknowwhatshewasgivinghimper-missiontodo,butwhenshe
nodded,heplacedhisotherhandonherbelly.Shefeltarespondingstirbetween
herlegsandalmost,butnotquite,leanedintohim.

"Hey,there,littleone,"hesaidsoftly."Thisisyourdaddytalking."

Thathereyesfilledwithtearsatsuchasimplecommentseemedsilly,butthey
did.Kirkhadalwayslikedtotalkasiftheunbornbabycouldhearhim.

"Don'tyouworry,"hecontinued."YourmamaandIaregoingtotakecareofyou."
Helookedbackather,hisexpressionfierce."Nomatterwhathappens.Aren'twe,
Claire?"

Shenoddedagain,nottrustinghervoice.

"AndI'mgoingtotakecareofyou,too,Claire."Hetippedherchinupandstared
intohereyesuntil,Lordhelpher,shealmostbelievedhim.

"Areyou,Kirk?"Shewassotemptedtobeghimtobethehusbandandfather
thatsheandthegirlsneeded.

Butwhy?DidshestillloveKirk?Despitehisdevotiontotheoffice,hisnearaffair
withJanice?Orwasitbecauseshewaspregnantandneededsomeoneshecould
dependon?

Truthwas,shedidn'twanttobeasinglemotherwithfourchildren.Butthat
wasn'treasonenoughtoclingtoamarriagethatdidn'tworkonotherlevels.

Still,thewayshefeltwhenhetouchedher—thathadnothingtodowiththe
children.

"I'msoconfused…"

"Sitdown,Claire."Kirkpulledoveroneofthewoodenchairs.Onceshewas
seated,hehandedherhermug,thendrewupachairbesideher.

"I'msorryI'vescrewedupourlivesthisway."

"Ifonlyyou'dcometomeabouttheproblemsinourmarriagebeforeyouturned
to—"

"Iknow."Heleanedforwardonhisknees,glancingsidewaysather."Butit
happenedsogradually.Ididn'trealizewhatwasmissinginourmarriageuntilI
foundit—withher."

Thathurt.Thatreallyhurt.Clairesippedhertea,wishingshecouldrecapturethe
warm,peacefulfeelingsheusuallyhadwhenshesatoutbythelakeinthe
evening.Instead,shefeltanxiousandtense.And,yes,jealous.

AnotherwomanhadgivenKirktheemotionalintimacythatheshouldhavebeen
gettingfromher.Thattheyshouldhavebeensharingtogether.Thinkingofthe
twoofthemalonetogether,allthosemonths,madeherphysicallyill.Andshe'd
neverguessed…

"DidyouseeJaniceatworkthisweek?"

"She'sonholiday…visitingherfolksonVancouverIslandforacoupleofweeks."

Good.Ifonlyshe'dstaythere.ButClaireknewthesolutionwouldnotbethat
simple.

Lessthanafootawayfromher,herhusbandcuppedhismugandstaredout
acrossthelake."It'soverbetweenJaniceandme.Youdon'thavetoworryabout
that."

Clairesighed."AndIguessI'msupposedtotakeyourword?"

"Forwhatit'sworth,"hesaid.Hestoodabruptlyandwenttotheslidingdoors."I
takeitIgetthecouch?"

"Thatwasmyplan.AlthoughIcouldshareJenna'sbed—"

"Let'sleavethekidsoutofthisfornow.""I'dlovetodojustthat.Butlet'sfaceit.
Asinnocentastheyare,ourchildrenareattheveryheartofthissituation.
Whateverwedecidewillaffectthemforalltheirlives."

Kirklookedbleakasheturnedbacktofaceher."Don'tyouthinkIknowthat?
Don'tyouthinkIworryaboutthateveryminuteofeveryday?"

Well,youdidn'tworryaboutitwhenyouwerehavingthoselate-nightdinnerswith
Janice!Clairebitbacktheangrywords.Whatwasthepointinescalatingtheir
argumentatthistimeofnight?

"Whydon'tyougotobed,Claire.Youneedyourrest."

Asifshe'dbeabletofallasleepnow.Still,Clairegrabbedhermugandfollowed
himindoors.Shepouredherteadownthedrain—she'donlymanagedtoswallow
afewmouthfuls.

Notthatitmattered.Noamountofchamomilewasgoingtobringhercomfort
tonight.

CHAPTERELEVEN

Thecottagewassuspiciouslyquietthenextmorning.Frombehindclosedeyelids,
Clairesensedanothersunnyday,andjudgingfromtheheatintheroom,itwas
laterthanusual.Oh,joyofjoys,maybethegirlshadsleptin.

Sheyawnedandstretched,andherhandhitsomethingsolid.Shepulledthe
paperbackmysteryshe'dbeenreadinglastnightoutfromunderherpillow.She
musthavedozedoffaroundchapterseven,shethought.Justwhenthey'd
determinedthedeathwasn'taccidental.

Butifshe'dfallenasleepreading,thelightoughttobeon.Anditdidn'tseem
rightthatthechildrencouldhavesleptthislate.Thesmallclockbythelamp
claimeditwasafterten—whichthehighangleofthesun'srayspassingthrough
thewindowverified.

Clairestretchedagain,andwonderedhowKirkhadfaredonthesofa.Her
stomachtightenedthewayitalwaysdidwhenshethoughtofherhusbandand
theproblemsbetweenthem.

Thatwaswhenshesawthetrayonthebureauagainsttheoppositewall.

Shesatupandswungherfeetontothecoolfloor.Wilteddandelionshungtheir
headsoverasmallglassvase.Anotelayproppedagainstthewhitethermosshe'd
normallyusedontheboat.Nexttothethermosstoodamugandacellophane-
wrappedmuffin.

Shereadthenote:"Enjoyyourbreakfastinbed."TheprintinglookedlikeDaisy's.
TheaccompanyingpicturewasJenna'strademarkrainbow.

Clairetwistedthetopoffthethermos.OutseepedthearomaofEarlGreytea.For
asecondshelookedatthedoor.Itwassodarnquietoutthere.Wherewerethose
kids?WherewasKirk?

Thensheglancedbackatthebookonherpillow.

Whattheheck.Shedeservedabreak,didn'tshe?Claireliftedthetray,thensetit
ontheunoccupiedhalfofthebed.Shepouredoutamugfulofthetea,unwrapped
themuffinandopenedherbook.Pullingupthepillowagainsttheheadboard,she
settledherselfbackunderthecovers.

Thebrotherhadkilledhim,Clairedecided.Shewasallbutpositive…

man,itwashot!KirkcheckedtoseeifAndiewasstillwearingherhat.Shehad
thepaleskinofatrueredhead:sunscreenalonedidn'tofferherenough
protection.

Thereshewas,atthefarcornerofthebeach,sprawledoutinthesand,reading
oneofthebookshe'dboughtforher,thebrimofherdenimhatpulledlowover
herface.

Andie.Somethingwasgoingonwiththatkid.Hewasn'tsurewhat.Daisyand
Jennahadopenedtheirarmsforbighugswhenhe'dwokenthemwithafingerto
hislipsforthemtobequiet.ButAndiehadheldherselfaloof,herexpression
blankwhenheexplainedhewantedtogivetheirmotherabreakthismorning.

Thetwoyoungergirlshadhelpedhimputthetraytogether.Itwasseven-thirty
whenhe'dsetitonClaire'sbureauandturnedoutthelightbyherhead.He'd

neverseensomeonelooksadintheirsleepbefore,butthatwasexactlyhow
Clairehadlookedtohimwithherflaxenhairspilledoverthepillow,thinlines
tracedacrossherbrowanddowneithersideofherlips.

Sadandvulnerable.He'dfeltapiercingguiltknowinghewasthereasonshe
lookedthatway,andhe'dbeensotemptedtoliedownnexttoherandsmooth
awaythoseworrylineswithsofttouchesandevensofterwords.Buthe'dknown
Clairewouldn'twelcomehiminherbed.Andthegirlswereexpectinghimtokeep
themamused.

Sohe'dallowedhimselfmerelytostrokethesideofhercheekbeforeroundingup
thegirlsandtakingthemtotheConroys'summerplacejustafewmilesfarther
alongtheshoreofLakeRosseau.

BeacheswererareinMuskokacottagecountry.Generally,thelakesbuttedupto
solidrock,andmostcottagersbuiltlongwoodendocksconnectinglandandwater.

BuddyandPatConroy'spropertywasdifferent.They'dboughtthesmallcottage
asanenticementtotheirchildren—whowerenowmarried,withchildrenoftheir
own—inthehopethatRobertandLaurawouldspendmoreoftheirsummer
holidayswiththem.

Nowthathewassemiretiredfromhislawpractice,Buddykeptthesmallnatural
beachwellgroomed,andwasalwaysgenerousaboutsharingaccesswithother
friendsfromPortCarling.Especiallythosewithsmallchildren.

"Let'sbuildanothersandcastle,Daddy,"Jennasaid,tugginghisarm.

Theheathadmadehimsomnolent,butheshookoffhisfatigueandpaddedalong
thesandtothewater'sedge.ThereJennahandedhimabucket,withstrict
instructionsonthetypeofsandhewastouse.

"Nottoowet,Daddy,oritmushesdown.Andnottoodryoritwon'tstick."

"I'vegotit,"heassuredher.Crouchingtohisknees,hebegantoshovel.Lordbut
hewastired.

Thecouchwasnotthemostcomfortableplacetosleep,especiallysinceitwas
aboutsixinchesshorterthanhewas.'Course,itseemedjustfinewhenhewas
takingalazyafternoonnap.

Hemightaswelladmitit.ThesituationbetweenhimandClairehadkepthimup.
Thatandthefaintlineoflighthe'dseenunderherbedroomdoor.

Knowingshecouldn'tsleep,either,hadcausedhimtofeelguiltyashell.Afterall,
shewaspregnant.Sheneededherrest.

"Putithere,Daddy,"Jennacommandedwithalltheauthorityofanoffice
manager.Funny,you'dthinkthatbeingtheyoungest,she'dbemoreusedto
takingordersthangivingthem.ButrightfromthestartJennahadseemedto
havemoreconfidencethantheothertwo.

Whichmadehimwonderwhatthisfourthchildwouldbelike.

HedumpedthepailofsandintheareathatJennahadcleared,andwastoldtogo
getanother.Obediently,hewalkedbacktothewater'sedge.Daisywaswadingat
kneelevel,tryingtocatchsomethinginagreenplasticstrainer.

"What'reyoulookingfor,Day?"

"Bugs."

Shesoundedsomatter-of-factitmadehimsmile.

"Whybugs?"

"SoIcanfeedmygrasshopper."

"Yourgrasshopper?"

"He'sinthejarbythecastle."

KirkdroppedoffthefreshpailofsandwithJenna,thenwenttocheck.Sure
enough,agraygrasshoppersatinthebottomofanoldjamjar.Thelidhad
severalairholesthathadbeenpunchedinwithanail.

Daisycameupbesidehimwithseveralwaterbugsinthestrainer.Waterspiders?
Theyallhadspindlylegswithtinybodies.Theywouldn'tmakemuchofameal,he
figured.Besides,didn'tgrasshopperseatgrass?

Daisytookthejaroutofhishandandstruggledtoopenthelid."Mrs.Conroy
gavemethiswhenIwentinsidetousethebathroom.Shesaidtosayshewas
makingsandwichesforlunch."

"Daisy!"Thathadbeenatleasthalfanhourago."Whydidn'tyoutellmesooner?"

Hisdaughtershrugged."Ididn'tminkofit."Herhairhadgrown,henoticed,so
thatherbouncyblondcurlsnowbrushedhershoulders.

Kirkglancedtowardthecottage.FromtheoutsidedeckBuddywavedathim,and
henoticedPatriciacarryingatrayofglassesoutfromthehouse.Afteraquick
checkofallthreegirls,heboundedupthelawntojointhem.

''Inevermeantforyoutofeedus,Pat,"hesaid.

"Iknow,Kirk.It'sourpleasure.Weloveyourgirls."Shepushedhergrayinghair
backfromherface."IjustgotoffthephonewithMallory.SheandDreware
bringingAngeloverforlunch,too."

Buddylookedupfromthecrossword."Angel?"Asmilespreadoverhisusually
implacablefeatures."That'sgood.Wehaven'tseenherinawhile."

"Allofsevendays."Patriciasmiledindulgently."Thiswillbeagoodopportunity
forthegirlstoplaytogether."

Mallory.Drew.Kirk'sinsideshadlurchedatthementionofClaire'soldfriends.
Hadhiswifetoldthemabouttheirproblems?Hewasalmostcertainshewould
have.MalloryandDrew,aswellasGradyHogan,wereClaire'sbestfriends.She'd
knownthemallherMe,fromthesummersshe'dspentuphereatthecottage.

IfClairehadsaidanythingaboutJanice,aboutthebaby,they'dthinkhewasdirt.

Andthey'dberight.

"I'llgetthegirlswashedupforlunch,"hesaid.

"Norush,"Patriciatoldhim."Letthemplayafewminuteslonger.CanIofferyou
somethingtodrink?Buddy'shavingicedtea."

"Thatwouldbenice,Patricia.MayIhelp?"

"Noproblem.Ihaveeverythingrighthere."Shepouredfromafrostedpitcher,
thenpassedhimaglass.

"I'dbettergobackdowntothebeach."HecouldseeJennaandDaisyfromhere,
butAndiewastoofaraway.

"I'llcallwhenit'sready,"Patriciasaid.

IcechinkedagainsttheplasticglassasKirkwalkedslowlybacktothesand.He
satontheedgeofthebeachandwatchedhischildrenplay.Andiewasstill
reading,butDaisyandJennahadjoinedforcesandwerenowbuildingthecastle
aroundthegrasshopper.

Howhadhecometothis—turnedintothekindofmanthathehimselfdespised?
Hadn'theswornwhenhisfatherhadlefthismothertomarryanaerobics
instructorfromhisfather'sdowntowngymthathewouldneverdosomethinglike
thattohisownwifeandchildren?

NotthatheequatedJanicewiththevacuousyoungwomanwho'donlystayed
withhisfatherfortwoyearsbeforecuttingoutwiththeexecutivepartnerofhis
father'slawfirm.

No,Janicewasanintelligent,attractivewomanwhowasinterestedinagenuine,
long-term,fullrelationship.Thatwaswhathadbroughtthiswholesituationtoa
head.

"Idon'tknowaboutyou,butI'mreadytotakeourrelationshiptothenextlevel,"
she'dtoldhimduringoneoftheirdinners.She'dplacedherhandonhisarmand
leanedforward,revealing—intentionallyornot,hehadnoidea—aglimpseofher
firm,uprightbreasts.

He'dknownwhatshe'dmeant,ofcourse.Sleepingtogether.Itwasatempting
proposition,butonethatmadeitimpossibleforhimtoignoretherealityofhis
marriage.

"Letmethinkaboutthat,"he'dsaid.Hedidn'twantanadulterousaffair.Janice
didn't,either.Butneitherdidhewanttobreakuphisfamily.Howhadhearrived
atsuchareprehensiblesituation?

HisrelationshipwithJanicehadstartedinnocentlyenough.Orhadit?Ifhewas
honest,hehadtoadmitthatrightfromthestarthe'dseenthatJanicewas
attractedtonun.

Andhe'dfeltflattered.

Janicethoughthewashandsome.Sheoftencomplimentedhimonhisphysique
andhowwellhedressed.Sheknewhewasthehighest-grossingbrokerinthe
officeandwentoutofherwaytotellhimhowimpressedshewas.

WhereasallClaireeversawwasamanwhowasneverhomeontimeandwho
didn'tdoenoughtohelpoutwiththehouseandkids.

Notthatthatwasanysortofexcuse—

Heturnedatthesoundofanapproachingvehicle.Sureenough,therewasDrew's
Explorer.Standing,hebrushedsandfromhiskhakishortsandshieldedhiseyes
withonehand.OutsteppedMallory,thenDrew,whoopenedthepassengerdoor
togetAngelfromhercarseat.

Theywerehere.Timetofacethemusic.Kirksteppedforwardtogreetthem.

"Howwasyourday,mom?"Daisyasked,aftershowingClairehernewpet
grasshopper.HisnamewasSam.Hedidnotlikegreeneggsandham.Hedidnot
likewaterbeetles,either.Orspidersorflies.Allthosedeadinsectslayinthejar
withhim,alongsideaclumpofgrass.

"Didyouhaveanicebreak?"

"Idid."ClairesqueezedDaisy,inhalingthelittle-girlscent,enhancedbythe

aromasoflakewaterandsunscreen.

Actually,she'dbeenboredsilly.She'dfinishedherbookaroundtwointhe
afternoon.She'dbeenright.Themurdererwasthebrother.Thenshe'dspenta
fewhoursinthekitchen,improvisingsomefresh-fruitsalsasforhernext"Cottage
Cooking"column.

Shehadn'tbeenabletostopworryingaboutthechildren.Kirkhadleftanotethat
he'dtakenthemtotheConroys'beach.Wouldherememberhatsandsunscreen?
Wouldhemakesuretheyhadenoughtodrink?Theheatcouldbedehydrating.

Butthey'dmadeithomejustfine,withthegirlsdisplayingnoilleffectsthatshe
couldsee.NowKirkwasonthedeck,barbecuingthechickenbreastsshe'd
marinatedearlier.Jennawashelping,chirpinglikeabirdjustbeforesunrise.As
forAn-die…She'dgivenClairealookthatClairecouldonlydescribeasaccusing,
beforeholingupinherbedroom.

Duringdinner,Andiecontinuedtobesullen,withdrawn.

"Aren'tyouhungryafteryourbusyday?"Claireasked,passingamixtureof
choppedstrawberriesandblueberriestossedinalightlimevinaigrettewithsome
cilantro,whichshe'dthoughtmightappealtothechildren.

Andieshookherhead,notlookingupfromherplate."Ihatethosegreenthings.
I'mnoteatingthat."

ClaireglancedatKirk.Fromhisexpressionshecouldtellhehadnomoreidea
whatwasgoingonwiththeireldestdaughterthanshedid.

"Havealittlemorechicken,then,"Clairesaid."You'vehardlyeatenanything."

Andiesetherknifeandforkontheplate."CanIgotomyroom?"

ClairelookedagainatKirk,whosaidreluctantly,"Nosnackslater,Andie."

"Iknow."Shepushedagainstthetable,andherchairlegsscrapedontheoldpine
floor.NeitherClairenorKirksaidawordaboutbeingmorecareful.AsClaire
watchedherdaughtertrudgebacktoherroom,thedescriptivewordthatcameto
mindwasdespondent.

"Doyouminkshegottoomuchsun?"sheaskedKirk.

"Shewaswearingherhatthewholetune.AndImadesuresheputonplentyof
sunscreen."

Afterdinner,KirkinsistedClairerelaxonthedeckwithherteawhilehe
supervisedshowersforthegirlsandputthemtobed.Itwasstillwarmoutside,

eventhoughthesunhadset.Kirk'svoice,lowandsoothing,traveledfaintly
throughtheopenpatiodoors.Hewassinginganoldfavoriteofallthegirls—a
songaboutawomanwho'dswallowedafly.

Sincehe'dfoundoutshewaspregnant,Kirkhadbeenpamperingherlikea
princess.Clairewasn'tcertainhowshefeltaboutthat.Sureitwasnice,butwho
washereallyconcernedabout?Herorthebaby?

Howaboutboth?Thatwasthefan-answer.Afterall,he'dbeenasconsiderate
duringherotherthreepregnancies.

Maybethatwasthesolution.Ifshekeptherselfpregnant…

Veryfunny.Clairefinishedherteaandsettheemptycuponthearmofherchair
asshewenttostandattherailing.

Thehalfhourrightaftersunsetwassuchapeacefultimeofday.Thelakerippled
lazily;shecouldhearthewaterlappingontherocksbelow.Thestrandsofclouds
huggingthehorizonglimmeredmauveandpink.Abovethem,setinthedeep
bluesky,shecouldseeafewofthebrighterstarsandthesaucyarchofanew
moon.

OnlywhenKirktouchedherarmdidsherealizeshe'dstoppedhearinghisvoice
murmuringinthebackgroundtothegirls.

"Aretheyasleep?"

Henodded,removinghishandandstaringoutatthelake,too."Doyouhaveany
ideawhat'seatingAndie?"

"Notreally.She'sbeenabearwithhersistersthisweek.Isitadolescence?"

"Atten?"

"Itdoesseemearly."Shethoughtoftheeasewithwhichsheandhereldest
daughterhadalwayscommunicatedbeforethisyear."Ifthereissomething
wrong,Ican'tunderstandwhyshewon'tspeaktome.Shealwayshasinthe
past."

"Samehere.Ijusttriedtotalktoher,butshegavemethesamelookI'vebeen
gettingallday.AsifshejustfoundoutIwasanaxmurderer.Notunlikethelooks
IgotfromMalloryandDrewduringlunch,bytheway."

Clairedippedherheadsohewouldn'tseehersmile.

"Ofcourse,Ican'tsayIblamethem."Kirkreachedoverandtookoneofher
hands.Thelefthand.Theonewithherweddingbandandtheengagementring

he'dgivenheronanightmuchlikethisone.They'dbeenoutinthecanoe.Ithad
beenafewdaysaftertheowlincident.

Kirktwirledtherings,andshefoundherselffocusingonthebandhehimselfwore
ontheringfingerofhislefthand.

"I'vebeensuchanidiot,Claire.SinceyouandthegirlshavebeengoneI'vehada
lotoftimetothink."

Think?Thinkingcouldbegoodoritcouldbebad.Whatifhe'ddecidedhewanted
tobewithJanice?Clairesuddenlywantedtoaskhimtokeepquiet.Ifthiswas
morebadnews,shedidn'twanttohearit.Nottonight.Notever,tobehonest.

ButKirkhadsomethingtosay.

"InevershouldhaveletmyfriendshipwithJanicegetanywherenearthestageit
did.WhatI'verealized,Claire,isthatourfamilyiswaymoreimportanttome.As
youare."

Heletgoofherhandandtookherbytheshoulders,turninghertofacehim.
Againstthewhiteofhisgolfingshirt,hisfaceandarmslookeddarklytanned.His
intelligentfacewasseriousandsad.

"Iloveyou,Claire.IsthereanywayIcanmakethesepastfewmonthsupto
you?"

CHAPTERTWELVE

Hehadn'tseemedTOfeelhelovedherbeforehefoundoutshewaspregnant.

Clairepushedthenegativethoughtaside.Ifshewantedtosavethismarriage,
givehergirlsahappy,stablehome,shewasgoingtohavetogetpastthe
bitternessandthehurt.

Underherbreath,sherepeatedhernewmantra:Anaffairdoesn'thavetomean
theendofamarriage.

Kirkbroughthishandsuptocaressthesidesofherface.Cuppingherjaw,he
bentclosertoher."Youarebeautiful,Claire.AsIwatchedyousleepthismorning,
itwasallIcoulddonottoclimbinnexttoyou."

Sohehadbeentheonetobringinthetray,toturnoffthelight.

"I'mfat."Wasthatallshecouldsay?Clairecouldhavebittenhertongue—wished
shehad.

Kirk'sarmsslippedaroundherwaist,joiningattheback,pullinghertowardhim.

"Youarenotfat.Youneverhavebeen."

"Youcan'tdenythatafterJenna—"

"Claire,Ilikedthosefullcurves."Heputahandtoherhair,strokingit.Itwasa
calminggesture,andmadeherwanttoshuthereyes.

"Don'tthinkthishappenedbecauseofyou—becauseofafewpoundsoranextra
wrinkleortwo."

Janicewasyounger,andintruththatstillstung.Fortywasonlyafewyearsaway,
andClairewasalltooawareofit.

"BecauseIloveyou.AndIloveyourwrinkles.Alltwoofthem."Thenhekissed
herbrow,hislipssoftandcomforting.

Helovedher.HowClairewantedtobelievethathemeantwhathesaid.Hiskisses
—theyfeltasthoughhemeantit.Hewascoveringherfacenow,thetenderskin
ofhereyelids,thesidesofhercheeks,thelineofherjaw.

Shethoughtoflastnight,howherbodyhadalternatelyglowedandachedwith
memoriesofthelovemakingthey'dsharedinthepast.

Ithadseemedsoimpossiblemen,justtwenty-fourhoursago,thatshewouldever
knowthosepleasuresagain.

Nowshewasn'tsosure.

"Kirk,Idon'tknow…"

Hewaskissingthecornersofhermouth,hislipsstillgentleandundemanding.
"Wehavetostartsomewhere.Iknowitisn'tgoingtobeeasy.Butletmetouch
you,Claire.Letmeshowyouhowincrediblybeautifulyouaretome."

Hishandsonherbarearmsweresosoothing,hiskissescompletelyintoxicating.
Shedidn'twanthimevertomoveawayfromher.Shefeltalongingbuildingfrom
deepwithin,fromthehurt,emptyplaceatherverycore.

Warmthfloodedbetweenherlegs,andshepressedinagainstthemuscled
hardnessofhisthigh.Hishandssliddownfromhershoulders,alongthelengthof
herback,pullinghercloser,communicatinghisdesire.Againstherhipbone,she
feltthehardbulgeofhiserection,andlookeduptoseehimstaringatthebuttons
onherblouse.

"Youaren'twearingyourbra."

"Iwassunbathingnudewhileyouwereaway,"sheadmitted.Althoughshehad

fairhair,herskinbronzedeasily,justlikeDaisy'sandJenna's.

Kirkgroaned."God,Claire.Youdrivemecrazysometimes.IwishIcouldhave
seen…"

Hebroughthishandsuphersides,thentrailedthemjustundertheswellofher
breasts.Lightly,hereachedforthetinywhitebuttonsonherblouse.

"Sobeautiful."Kirktooktheweightofherbreastsinhishands,drawinghis
thumbsoverhernipples.Pleasurearcedalonghersensitizednerveendings.

"Ah."Thesoftsighfloatedfromherthroatoutintothenight.

Kirkpulledhertotheloungechairwhereshe'dlainonlyhoursago.Asheundid
thezipperofhisshorts,hecaughthergazeandasked,"Isthisokay,Claire?I
wanttomakelovetoyousobadly…"

Wasitokay?Wasitevenright?

Claireknewherthinkingwasfoggyrightnow.He'dsaidhelovedher,butdidthat
eraseallthathe'ddone?

Andwhatabouther?Shewantedhimrightnow—shecouldn'tdenythatButdid
shestilllovehim?Shedidn'tknowtheanswertothatquestion.

"Claire?"Kirkeasedherontohislap,strokingherface,herhair."Doyouwantto
stop?"

Hiswordswerekind,histouchsweet,butsittingontopofhim,shecouldfeelhow
hardhewasforher.Andshewasequallyhotforhim.

Maybethiswasoneofthewaysforthemtogetcloser,torepairthedamagethey
bothhadsuffered.

Anaffairdoesn'thavetomeantheendofamarriage.

Claireplacedherlipsonhis.Notarealkiss,justatouch.Andwhispered,her
breathminglingwithhis,"Makelovetome,Kirk.Righthere.Rightnow."itwent
fine;really,itdid.Rightuptotheverylastmoment,whentheshockwaveshad
weakenedtotremors,whenKirkhadfallentoherside,theirbodiesstilljoined,
theirbreathingstillhard.

AsobchokedoutofClaire'sthroat,andsherealizedshewasn'tfine.Notatall.

"Whatisit,Claire?"Kirkheldherfacetohisshoulder.

Shepulledback,unabletobreathe.Pushingonhischest,sheslidoutfrombeside
himandbrushedbackthehairfromherface.Kirkwasconcerned,worried.Hesat
upandreachedforher,butshemovedquicklytotheside,gatheringherclothes,
feelingthetearsastheyfellfromherfaceontoherhands.

"You'rescaringme,Claire.Pleasetalktome."Butshejustshookherhead.

Howcouldshehavethoughtthatallthatwaswrongbetweenthemcouldbe
solvedsoeasily,sotidily?Howcouldshehavemadelovetothisman,whohad
betrayedher,whoattheverymomentofcominginsideherbodyhadperhaps
thoughtofsomeoneelse.

Janice.

Shepulledonhershorts,hertop,fumbledwithbuttonsandthezipper."Yousaid
younevermadelovetoher.Butdidyoukissher?Didyoutouchher?"

Kirk'sarmswerewrappedaroundhisbarechest.Helookedconfused,befuddled.
"Let'snottalkaboutthatnow,Claire.Please…"

''Youdid,didn'tyou?Youkissedher…"God,thishurt,maybemorethananything
elsesofar.

Shewasn'tsurprisedwhenhenodded,confirmingherfears.

"Whydoyouwanttoaskthesequestionswhentheanswersareonlygoingto
hurtyou?"

"BecauseIneedtoknow.Youtouchedher,too,didn'tyou?"

Shebackedaway,hatinghimthenandhatingherselfevenmore.

Kirkstoodbutdidn'ttrytoapproachthistime."No,Ididn'ttouchher.Notinthe
wayyoumean."

Sothatwasthebottomline,wasit?He'dkissedJanicebuthadgonenofurther.In

reallife.Buthowaboutfantasy?Ifhe'dbeeninlovewithJanice,hemusthave
thoughtabouther.Maybeevenwhenhewasmakinglovewithhiswife.Maybe
eventhistime…

MaybethoughtsofJanice,notClaireatall,hadmadehimsohot…

Shepushedthroughthescreen,wantingonlytoputspacebetweenthem.Oh,
God,thishurtsomuchshecouldn'tstanditShesplashedwaterfromthekitchen
faucetoverherface,buthershoulderswerestillheavingwithhersobs.

She'dnevercriedlikethisinherlife.Wrenchingsobsthatshesimplycouldnot
control.Heclaimedhelovedher,buthowcouldhe?Noonewouldhurtsomeone
helovedthewayhehadhurther.

Kirkcameinside,closingthescreencarefullybehindhim."Pleaseletmehelpyou,
Claire."Histonewasanxious;she-couldseethathefeltterrible,butitdidn't
matter.Nothingmatteredexceptherneedtocry.

Akeychainhungonthehookbythedoor,andshegrabbedit.Shehadtogetout
ofthishousebeforeshewokethekids."I'mgoingforadrive."

"Notlikethat."Kirkrantowardher."You'reinnocondition—"

"Leavemealone!"Shetwistedfromhisarmsandgrabbedthedoorhandle,her
avenueforescape."Leavemethehellalone!"

Sherealizedshe'dtakenKirk'scarkeysbymistakebutdidn'tforasecond
considergoingbackinsidetoexchangethem.Instead,sheunlockedthefront
doorofhissedanandslidbehindthesteeringwheel.ShecouldseeKirkstanding
atthekitchenwindow,lookinggrayfacedanddistressed.

Shetookcomfortintheknowledgethathecouldn'tseeher,sittinghereinthe
dark.She'dthoughttodrivetosomedesertedlaneway.Someplacesafeandquiet,
whereshecouldbealoneandjustcry.Butnowshedidn'twanttomove.

Shedidn'twanttothink,either,butunfortunatelythatwasallshecoulddo.Think
ofherhusbandandJanice,imaginethemineachother'sarms,mouthslocked…

No!Thepicturewasmorethanshecouldstand.Hadhethoughtofher,Claire,at
all?Hadhefeltanyguiltatthemomenthe'dbrokenhisweddingvowstoher?
Clairepressedthebackofherhandagainsthermouth,wantingtoerasethe
kissesshe'dfoundsosweetearlier.

Sheglancedup.Kirkwasstillstandingbythekitchenwindow.Didhehaveany
ideahowtemptedshewastostartthecaranddriveasfarawayfromhimasshe
could?Shedidnotwanttohavetodealwiththissituationhe'dplacedthemin.
Whatwomanwould?Tochoosebetweenlivingwithamanwho'dfalleninlove

withanotherwomanorleavinghim,therebydeprivingherchildrenofasafe,
stablehomewithboththeirparents.

Andshewaspregnant!IfsheleftKirk,whowouldbewithherinthedelivery
roomwhenthischildwasborn?Whenshegavethatlastpushandthedoctor
announcedthesex,wasanyonegoingtocarebesidesher?

Clairerestedherarmsandheadonthesteeringwheelandallowedthesobsto
explodefromherchest.No!No!Shecrieduntilithurttoomuchtocryanymore,
andthenshesearchedthecarforaboxoftissues.

Shethoughtshe'dputoneintheglovecompartmentthelasttimeshecleaned
thecar.Sheflickedtheswitchandthecompartmentdoorflewopen,triggeringa
tinyinteriorlight.Clairepushedpastthecarmanual,theicescraper,themapof
Ontario.

Notissues.Butsomethingelsewasinthere,somethingsmall,shiny,cooltothe
touch.Shecurledherfingersarounditandpulleditout.

Atubeoflipstick.Anditwasn'thers.

Clairestuckthekeysintheignitionandstartedtheengine.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

WherethehellwasClairegoing?Shewastooupsettobedriving.Especiallylate
atnightonbackcountryroads.

Kirksteppedawayfromthekitchenwindowandcontemplatedtheremainingset
ofkeysonthehookbythedoor.Hewastemptedtogoafterher,buthecouldn't
leavethekidsalone.

Maybewhereshewasgoingatthistimeofnightwasn'tthepoint.Shewasn't
headedanywhere.Shejustcouldn'tstandtobeinthesamehousewithhim
anymore.

He'dneverheardhercrylikethatbefore.Tohimthewallsstillechoedwiththe
sound,bringingbackanothertime,anotherplace.

Hismotherandhisfather,arguinginthekitchenwhilehehidunderthebedinhis
room.Shoutedaccusations,flunginbothdirections,followedbytheslammingof
thefrontdoor.Andthensobbing.

Animal-painsobs,thekindtornfromyourgutwhenmentalpainbecomesphysical
andyourlogicalmindhassimplygivenup.

Thatwaswhathisdadhaddonetohismom,andthatwaswhathe'ddoneto

Claire.

Kirkfeltasobofhisownrisingfromhischest,andhequicklyforceddownaglass
ofwater.

Atleasthiskidshadn'twitnessedthescene.Atleasttheyweresafelyasleep.He
wentintotheirroomstocheck,thenreturnedtothekitchen,wherehereached
intothecupboardoverthefridgeinsearchofbrandyleftoverfromlastsummer.
Thereitwas.

Hepulleddownthesquatbrownbottleandlinedatumblerwithacoupleof
inches.Thenhewentoutandsatontheslatesteps,hopingthecoolernightair
mightmakeitpossibleforhimtodrawabreathwithoutfeelingasifhislungs
wereabouttocavefromtheweightofhisguilt.

Thebrandywasgoneintwominutes.Hesettheemptyglassonthestepandgot
uptopacethelane.Hecountedeighty-fourstepstothetopofthedrive,which
connectedtotheaccessroadthatledouttothehighway.Whichwayhadshe
turnedonceshegottothepavedroad?TowardPortCar-ling?OrPortSandfield?

Whatdiditmatter?Asifhecouldfindhereitherway.

Heretracedhisstepstothecottage,thedarkofthenightpressinginonhim,
remindinghimofhisculpability.

Andtherealhellofit,thebitterirony,wasthatonlywhenhesawClairebreak
downhadherealizedhowmuchheonlydidloveher.Itwaslikethatmoment
whenheslippedonhisglassesandallthestockquotesinthemorningpaper
suddenlybecamelegible.

HesawthathisinfatuationwithJanicewaspreciselythat.HesawthatClairewas
thewomanhewantedtospendhislifewith.Andhesaw,Godhelphim,howmuch
he'dhurtherwithhisownconfusion.

Sinkingontothetopstair,hecuppedhisheadinhishandsandclosedhiseyes.
Pleaseletherbeallright.Pleaselethercomeback.Pleaselethergivemeanother
chance.

Evenifhedidn'tdeserveit.

Oldmemories.Attwenty-four,whenhe'dmether,Clairehadbeenthekindof
womaneveryyoungmandreamedabout.Pretty,blondandbuxom,withan
outgoingpersonalityandnaturalconfidencetospare.He'dbeenamazedwhen
she'dagreedtogooutwithhim,andwassooncaptivatedbyherabilitytosee
humorinalmosteverysituation,andbyherpractical,no-nonsenseintelligence.

HisClaire.

He'dthoughtofherassuchforyears,eventhoughhe'dalwayssensedacoreto
herspiritwherehewasdeniedaccess.Shewaskindandcaringtofamilyand
friends,withthestrongestmaternalinstinctsofanywomanhe'dknown.Butwith
him,sheheldsomethingback.

Still,she'dbeenhisfriend,hislover,themotherofhischildren.Nowhewondered
whyhehadn'tbeenhappywiththat,whyhehadfeltthatsheowedhim
somethingmore.Somethinghehimselfcouldn'treallyputwordsto.

Kirkwasstillonthestep,hisheadcradledinhishandsashedriftedinandoutof
sleep,butnowhestraightenedhisshouldersandlookedahead.

Althoughthesunhadn'tyetrisen,therewasalighterqualitytothedark,orsoit
seemedtohim.Atadifferentpitchfromthebirds,whichhadalreadybeguntheir
morningchorus,hecouldclearlymakeoutthesoundofanapproachingvehicle.

Soon,hesawthenoseofhisVolvosedanthroughthescreenoftreetrunks.
Claire,headingdownthedrive.Relieved,Kirkstood.Itwasn'tClaire,though.The
carwashis,allright,butMallorywasatthewheel.Sheparkedabouttenyards
fromhim,thengotoutfromthedriver'sseatreluctantly.

Mallory'sbrowncurlyhairwaspulledbackinaponytail.Shewaswearingfaded
jeanswithfrayinghems,andaT-shirtshortenoughtorevealaninchofherflat
belly.Henoticedherfeetwerebare,andshecarriedsomethingsmallinherleft
hand.

"Where'sClaire?"

"She'satmyplace.Sleeping."Mallorypressedherlipstogether,thenglancedat
thebedroomwindowsofthecottage."Arethegirlsokay?"

Thequestionannoyedhim."Ofcoursethey'reokay.They'resleeping.It'searlyin
themorning.Whatinhelldidyouthinkthey'dbedoing?"

Shetookastepback."Okay.Sorry.Ididn'tmeantoaccuseyouofanything."

"Oh,really?"Thenwhatwasshedoinghere?She'dcometogivehimhellfor
hurtingClaire.Andhedeservedit.Heshovedhishandsinhispocketsandmoved
overtowardthewoodshed.

Malloryfollowed."Claireisamess,youknow."

"Iknow."Hepulledinadeepbreathofair,thenforceditout.Hewishedhecould
meetMallory'sgaze,buthewassuddenlyafraidhemightbreakdown.Staringat
theground,hechokedoutafewwords."Believeme,Ifeelterribleaboutthat."

"Idobelieveyou."Malloryputahandonhisshoulder.

Hewassurprisedatthegesture.He'dexpectedClaire'sfriendstorallysolidly
behindher,againsthim.Certainly,MalloryandDrewhadbeencoolenough
towardhimduringlunchattheConroys'.

"DrewandIwantyouguystoworkthisthingout,"Mallorysaid."AndIstillthink
youcan.Butyou'vegottoappreciatehowhardthisisonClaire.

Youknowhowshelikesorderinherlife.Thisfeelingofbeingoutofcontrol—well,
itscaresher.Itcertainlycomplicatesmattersthatshe's—"

"Pregnant."Hepickedupsomestraylogsthekidsmusthavebeenplayingwith
andthrewthembackontopofthestackhe'dchoppedlastfall.

HeturnedtofaceMallory."Iintendtolookafterher,toloveher.Ifshe'llletme…"

ItworriedhimthatnowMallorywouldn'tlookhimintheeye."Iknow,Kirk.Butit
mighttakesometime.Itdoesn'thelp—"Shesighed,thensatonthefattree
stumpheusedasachoppingblock.

"What?"Theblockwasbigenoughfortwo.Heperchedtentativelyontheedge
andlookeddownonMallory'sprofile.

"Shefoundthisintheglovecompartmentofyourcar."Malloryopenedherleft
hand,revealingagold-coloredtubeoflipstick.

"Oh,hell."

Mallorypassedittohim,andwithoutthinking,hetosseditfarintothetreesand
thescrub.

"It'sJanice's,isn'tit?"

"Yeah."Whythehellhadsheputthelipstickinhisglovecompartment?He
rememberedherpullingdownthevanitymirrortofreshenupthelasttimehe'd
takenhertodinner.Thathadbeenthenighthe'drevealedhewasgoingtotell
Claireaboutthem.Hegroaned,thinkingofthecolossalmesshe'dmadeofthings.

"SeeingsomethingtangiblethatbelongedtoJanicemadethesituationsomuch
morerealforClaire."

"Yeah.Icanimaginehowshewouldfeel."Howwouldhelikeitifhefound
anotherman'sbelongingshihiswife'svan?Justtheideamadehischestswell
withpain.

"Anyway—"Mallorystoodandlookeddownathim"—Clairefellasleepjusthalfan
hourago.IthoughtI'dlethersleepuntilshewakesuponherown.I'mnotsure,
butshe'llprobablycomehomethen.Shewon'twanttoworrythekids."

"No,"heagreed.Tohellwithhim.Shewouldn'tcareabitforhowhewasfeeling.
Andtruthfully,couldheblameher?

whenClairedrovedownthelanetowardthecottageshortlyafternineinthe
morning,Andiewassittingonthefrontstep,wearingcutoffjeansandanold
soccerT-shirt.Herhair,whichsheobviouslyhadn'tcombedyetthismorning,was
ariotofredcurlsaroundherpale,freckledface.

Thepoorkiddidnotappearhappy.Clairetookadeepbreathandglancedat
herselfinthesidemirrorasshegotoutofthecar.Shelookedterrible—paleand
redeyed—buthopefullyAndiewouldn'tnotice.

"Goodmorning,hon.Haveyouhadbreakfast?"

"Daddymadepancakes."Andiestareddownatherbarefeet."Wherewereyou
lastnight,Mom?"

Clairesatonthestepnexttoherdaughter."Didn'tDadtellyou?"

"HesaidyouwenttoMallory's.Butwhy?"

Theclearblueofherdaughter'seyeswasapotenttruthserum.Clairedrewa
deepbreath."YourdadandIhadanargument.AndIneeded—Ineeded—"Claire
paused,shiftinghergazetothetallstandoftreesbythewoodshed.

"YouknowwhenyouandyoursisterarefightingandIsendyoutoyourroomsto
cooloff?"

Andienodded.

"Well,sometimesadultsneedtocooloff,too."

"IsthatwhathappenedthelasttimeyousaidDaddywentonabusinesstrip?I
sawhissuitcaseinthecloset…"

Oh,myLord.ClairerememberedthewayKirk'sclothinghadbeenpushedtothe
side.

"Hewasn'tonabusinesstrip,washe?Youlied."

Toprotectyou.Claireletherheadsinkontoherarms."You'reright,Andie.I
shouldhavetoldyouthetruth.ButIdidn'twantyoutoworry."Shetrailedher
fingersdownAndie'ssoftcheek,thenleanedincloserforahug.Herdaughter
remainedstiff,unyielding.

"Idon'tthinkit'sveryniceofyoutogoawaywhenDaddy'sonlyhereforsucha
shorttime.

Maybe,ifyouwerenicertohull,Daddywouldwanttocomemoreoftenandstay
longer."

Attimesthedemandsofmotherhoodjustwerenotfair.Thiswasoneofthem.
WasitherfaultKirkworkedsuchlonghours,hadfrequentbusinesstrips,often
wastiedupweekends?Didn'tshewishhehadmoretimeforthefamily,too?But
shewouldnotsayawordagainstKirktoAndie.

"I'msorryifyoudon'tseeasmuchofyourdadasyou'dlike.Buthe'sheretoday,
right?Whynotmakethemostofit."

Andieconsideredthatforaminute,beforepushingherselfintoastanding
position."Yeah.Iguess."

GuiltcrushedClaire'sribsasshewatchedherdaughtergobackintothecottage.
IfsheandKirkweretogetdivorced,Andiewouldseeevenlessofherfather.

YetClairewasn'tsureshecouldgobacktolivingwithKirkasifnothinghadever
happened.

FindingthatlipstickinKirk'sglovecompartmentshouldhavebeensuchalittle
thing.Afterall,itdidn'tchangeasinglethingshealreadyknewaboutJaniceand
Kirk.Yetthatslendermetaltubehadputanimageinherheadthatshejustcould
notshake.

JaniceinthecarnexttoKirk.Glidingonherlipstickassheanticipatedtheir
dinnertogether.

Andattheendoftheevening…akiss.Thatwomanhadkissedherhusband.

AndKirkwouldhavehadtowipealltracesofthatlipstickoffbeforecominghome
toher,slidingbetweenthesheetsoftheirbed,mumblingsomeexcuseoranother.

Lastnightshe'dseenthepain,thesorrowandregret,inKirk'seyes.Forthesake
ofherchildren,shewantedtoforgivehim.Buthiherheart,shejustdidn'tknow
ifitwaspossible.

ClairewasdeterminedtokeepbusythatweekwhileKirkwasbackinthecity.On
TuesdayshehadMalloryandDrewoverfordinner.ThensheinvitedGradyand
theboysonThursday.

ShewasamazedwhenbothWarrenandTayloracceptedtheinvitation.Between
summerjobs,theirreportingdutiesfortheGazetteandwantingtimewiththeir
friends,thetwinshadfewsparehours.Thatnight,however,theyseemedrelaxed
andatease.Duringdinnertheyteasedthegirlsandeachother,whilemanaging
toeatenormousquantitiesofthemarinatedflanksteakthatClairehad
barbecued.

Afterdessertoficecreamandcaramel-bananasauce,theygood-naturedlyagreed
totakethegirlsoutforapaddleonthelake.ClaireandGradyhelpedwithlife
jackets,thensettledonthewoodenchairsattheendofthepiertowatchthe
chaos.

"Sometimes,theystillactlikesuchkids,"Gradysaid,soundingalittlenostalgic.
Hewasleaningbackinthechair,hislongtannedlegsplantedfirmlyonthedock.

ClairewatchedasWarrenmaneuveredhispaddleboat,whichhewassharingwith
Andie,sothathecouldsplashhisbrotherintheface."Theylooklikethey're
havingfun."

"Yeah.They'rehavingagoodsummer.Theywenttotheirmom'slastSunday.She
tookthemtoapoolpartyatherboss'shouseandapparentlyhehadacoupleof
reallycutedaughters.Sothatdidn'thurt."

Clairesmiled,enjoyingthefinelinesthatspranguparoundGrady'seyeswhenhe
grinned.

"Warrensaidsheactedreallyproudwhensheintroducedthemtoallherco-
workers.Youknow,'Thesearemyboys,'thatkindofthing.Ithinktheboys
appreciatedbeingincludedintheirmother'snewlife."

Clairenodded.Sheknewhowoverwhelmedthey'dbeenwhentheirstay-at-home
momhadsuddenlybegunanewcareerandmadenewfriends.ThatBess'snew
lifehadincludeddumpingheroldhusbandhadn'thelped.Forawhiletheboys
hadfeltthattheirmotherhaddumpedthem,aswell,althoughthedecisionto
havethemstayhiPortCarlingsotheycouldfinishhighschoolwithalltheir
friendshadmadesense.

"Lord,Ican'tbelievethiswillbetheirlastyearofhighschool.Irememberthose
daysasiftheywereyesterday."

"Me,too."Clairelookeddownatherfingernails,whichshe'dpaintedpinkthat
afternoonwhilethegirlswereplayingoutside,thenglancedsidewaysatGrady.
"Thatwasthesummerwewentoutforafewmonths.Doyoueverthinkabout
thosedays?"

Heseemedalittlesurprisedbythequestion,buthenodded."Suredo.Istillcan't
believeImanagedtodateClaireElizabethAdams,classpresidentandgirlvoted
MostPopular…"

"Oh,stopit!"HerfriendshadteasedhermercilesslyaboutthatMostPopularthing
whenshe'dshownthemheryearbook."Youweretheguyallthegirlswanted.
Captainofthehockeyteam,mostgoalsscoredbyanykidfromPortCarlinginone
season…"

Gradyhooted."Wewerequiteateam,weren'twe?"

Washetalkingaboutthehockeyteamorthetwoofthemasacouple?Claire
couldn'tbesure,butsheknewthatshehadneverbeenascompletelyhappyasin
thosefewgloriousmonthswhensheandGradyhaddated.

ThenBesshadtoldhimshewaspregnant.

"Doyoueverwonderwhatmighthavehappened…?"

"Sometimes."Gradycockedhishead,hisexpressionseriousforonce."Yeah,
sometimesIwonder…"Hisgazebrushedherface,thelengthofherbody,likea
caress.Hereachedouttotouchherhandgently,thenquicklywithdrew.

Clairefeltasweet,piercinglongingandclosedhereyessohewouldn'tguess.

"ButyouandKirkaren'tgoingtoenduplikeBessandme,"hesaid.

Clairewonderedhowhecouldsoundsosure.Nevertheless,hisstatementputa
fullstoptoherwaywardthoughts.Nowshetookadeepbreath,gatheringher
composure."Thedivorcewasawful,wasit?"

"Oh,yeah.BessandIhadourdifferences,butIwasdefinitelyinthemarriagefor
thelonghaul.Obviously,shewasn't."

Hestareddownathishands."Thankfully,Ihadtokeepmyselftogetherfor
WarrenandTaylor,orLordknowswhatImighthavedone."

"Andnowyou'reseeingTerese…?"

Grady'sfacesoftenedatthementionofhername.Hislipscurledup;thecrinkles
byhiseyesreturned."Sheisonegreatlady,Claire,andherdaughtersureisa
funnylittlething."

Thekidshadpaddledoutseveralhundredyards.Nowtheyturnedback.Claire
wasglad.Acoolwindhadpickedup;thesunhaddippedtotreelevel.Sheslipped
onasweatshirtandtriedtoworkupagenerosityofspirittowardGrady'snew
romance."Sothingsaregoingwell?"

Grady'schestcavedalittle."Theywere."

Were?Oh,she'dknowntherewassomethingaboutthatwoman."What's
happened?"

"Terese'sex-husbandmanagedtotrackherdownthisweekend.LuckyIwas
aroundorthingscouldhavegottenuglyforTereseandLisa."

Heflexedhishands,andClairewonderedifthesituationhaddeterioratedto

actualblows."Mai-lorytoldmethereasonsheleftthemarriageinthefirstplace
wasthathewasphysicallyabusive."

Gradynodded."ItstartedafterLisawasborn.Theoccasionalshoveorslap.Once
hegaveTereseashaking,thenthrewheragainstthestove.Thecomerofthe
metalhandlecaughtherontheface—"

Claireclosedhereyesbriefly,sickenedbythevividmentalpicturesheconjured.
"Isthathowshegotthatscarbyhereye?"

"Yeah.Butitwasn'tenoughtoconvincehertoleave.Shedidn'treachthatpoint
untilheturnedonhisowndaughter.ThenTereseknewshehadnochoicebutto
go."

"ThankGodshedid."PoorTereseandLisa.Clairetrulydidfeelsorryforthem.
ButtheideaofGradyhavingtodealwiththisman…

"Youcansaythatagain.Troubleis,havingherexshowuphasmadeherskittish.
Itookherintothepolicedepartment.Shefiledacomplaint,gotarestraining
order,butyouonlyhavetoreadacitynewspapertoknowhowmuchprotection
thatoffersawoman."

"Doesshethinkhecouldbedangerous?"

"Shedoes,andafterseeinghiminaction,Idon'tblameher.Themanisviolent,
Claire.Andunpredictable.AndnowTeresewantstocoolthingsoffbetweenthe
twoofusbecauseofhim."

"Really?"Clairefeltanuncomfortabletwingeofguilt.Gradysoundedsounhappy,
butdidn'tsheagreewithTerese?Shedidn'twanthiminasituationwherehe'd
havetoworryabouttheconstantthreatofTerese'sex-husband.

"It'sjustlikeTeresetoworryaboutmewhensheshouldbeworryingabout
herselfandherdaughter.Iwanttoprotecther,butshewon'tletme!"

Maybeit'sforthebest.Thatwaswhatshewantedtosay,butClairedidn'tdare.
Gradywasn'tthetypetobackawayfromasituationjustbecauseitmighthave
dangerousrepercussionsforhimself.Healwaysthoughtofothersfirst.Butthere
wassomethingshecouldremindhimof.

"Justaslongasthetwinsaren'tdraggedintothis."

Gradypaused,lookingoutoverthelake.Thenheturnedtoher."Iknowwhat
you'resaying,Claire.Believeme,I'mworried,too.ButTeresehasdonealotfor
theboys,andtheythinktheworldofher.Youknowshe'sgoneaboveandbeyond
inherroleashigh-schoolguidancecounselor.Initially,herconcernabouttheboys
gotustospendtimetogether."

"Mallorytoldme."

"TheboysfeelalmostasprotectiveaboutherasIdo.Andweallworryabout
Lisa."

"Ofcourseyoudo."Thesituationwashopeless.AmanlikeGradywouldnever
walkawayfromawomanwhoneededhim,nomatterwhatthepotentialdanger
tohimself.Hadn'thegallantlysteppedforwardtomarryBess,eventhoughhe'd
beeninlovewithClaireatthetime?

ClairewonderedwhatitwouldfeelhiketobethewomaninneedandhaveGrady
cometotherescue.Sheclosedhereyesandletherheadrestagainstthebackof
thechair.Acoolbreezefromthelakedancedonhercheeksandliftedthewispsof
hairaroundherface.

Gradytotherescue.Itseemedtoherthatwouldfeelmightyheady.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

"WhatIworryabout,"Clairesaid,shavingcornoffthecobtomakechowderfor
dinner,"isthatthisisGrady'stransitionalrelationship.Youknow—tohelphimget
overthedivorcefromBess."

Mallorywasstandingbythestove,stirringtheonionsandgreenpeppersshewas
sauteingonlowheat."Youdon'tthinkhereallylovesTerese?"

"Oh,Idon'tknow."Clairedismissedthequestionimpatiently."Thepointis,Grady
wasattractedtoher,startedseeingher,thenthisstuffwiththeex-husband
beginstosimmerandnowhe'strapped.Don'tyousee?"Shetransferredthecorn
tothelargepotwhereshe'dbeenboilingdicedpotatoesinchickenstock,then
addedacupofchoppedham."AmanlikeGradyisnevergoingtobackoutona
damselindistress."

"Butwhywouldhewantto?Assuminghe'sinlovewithher."

"Maybehejustthinkshelovesher.Becausesheneedshim.JustthewayBessdid
whenshefoundoutshewaspregnant."

"Iseewhatyou'regettingat,"Mallorysaidslowly."ButIalsothinkyou'rewrong."

"Mewrong?Isthatpossible?"Clairejoked,butinsidesheworried.Perhaps
MallorywastooclosetoTeresetoseethetruth.Orwassheherselfoutofline
withherconcernsaboutthenewhigh-schoolguidancecounselor?

ClairetookthefryingpanfromMalloryand.scrapedthecontentsintothesoup
pot,thenaddedagenerousquantityofpeppertothemix.Teabiscuitswereinthe
oven,andatossedsaladsatinthefridge.Dinnerwouldbereadytoeatintwenty

minutes.

Itwasladies'nightattheRidgewaycottage.DrewwasinTorontoforacoupleof
days,recordinganextraepisodeofForeignMatterssothatheandMallorycould
takeafewextradaysoverthelongweekend.Theywereplanningtodrivetohis
cottageintheGatineauHillstodoalittlehikingandvisitsomeofhisoldfriends.
Clairefiguredhewaseagertoshowoffhiswifeanddaughter.

Sinceshewasn'texpectingKirkuntillater,ClairehadinvitedMalloryandAngel
fordinner.Rightnowthegirlswereplayingoutsideontheswings.

"WhattimeareyouexpectingKirk?"Malloryaskedasshelaidnapkinsaroundthe
placesettings.

"Hedoesn'tusuallygethereuntilaftereleven.Withthelongweekendtraffic,
though,itcouldbelater."Clairecouldn'tbelieveitwastheAugustlongweekend
already,themidsummermarker.

LastweekendsheandKirkhadtalkedabouttakingtheboattoPortCarling,
somethingtheyhadn'tdoneallsummer.Drivingtherewasfaster,buttravelingby
boatwassomuchmoreromantic.

"Howarethingsgoing?"Malloryasked,hertonecautious.

"Well,thetherapysessionsarekindofinteresting."She'dreadabookRivaSharp
hadrecommended,andsheandKirkhadspentlastSaturdaynighttalkingabout
thedifferentissuesitraised.

"AndKirk'sbeenthemodelhusbandandfather."Wheneverhewashere,hetook
overthebulkofthedailychores,insistingthatsherestforseveralhoursevery
afternoon.

Rest.Ifonlyshecould.Sleepwassoelusivethesedays.

SheandKirkhandledeachotherwithkidgloves.Shecouldseehewaseagernot
tohurtorupsether.There'dbeennorepeatofthatintenselovemakingsession
they'dhadonthedeck.

InawayClairewasrelieved.Shewasfrightenedoftheemotionsreleasedinher
onlysecondsafterhersoul-scorchingclimax.Fromecstasytoagony.Thephrase
heldmoretruththanshe'deverrealized.

Butshewasalmostasdisappointedasshewasrelieved.Herbodymissedthe
physicalcontact.

Sometimes,shefeltasifshewereateenageragainthewayherthoughtskept
returningtosex.Therewasanachinginherbreasts,anemptinessathervery

core.

DidKirkmissmakinglovewithher,too?Occasionally,shethoughtshesawa
glimmerofawarenessinhiseyeswhenhewaslookingather.Asilence,aquickly
gatheredbreathwhenshe'dremovedhercottonshirttorevealahaltertopthat
wasalittlesmallforthisstageofherpregnancy.

Butmaybeshewasimagininghisreaction.MaybeitwasonlyJanicehethought
about,Janicehemissed.Shehadtokeepremindingherselfthatonlyafterhe'd
discoveredshewaspregnanthadhetoldherJanicewasamistake.Hisunborn
child,nothiswife,washisconcern.

atfiveo'clocktheywereabouttositdowntotheirearlydinner,whenthephone
rang.

Clairereachedfortheportablephone,whichwassittingonthecounternextto
thesink.Whileshewasinthekitchen,shegrabbedthesaladoutofthefridge
andpassedittoAndie.

"Hello?"

"Hi,Claire,it'sme."

"Kirk."Claireglanceddownatthewatchonherwrist."Whenareyouleaving?"

Therewasapause.Claire'sstomachmusclestightened,andshenoticedAndie
watchingheranxiously.

"That'swhyI'mcalling.We'vehadsomeinvestorsfromNewYorkshowup.I'm
expectedtotakethemoutfordinnertonight."Hewasusinghisbusinessvoice,all
brisk,nononsense."Ishouldbeabletogetawaytomorrowaroundnoon.There'll
belesstrafficthen,anyway."

"Oh,yes,verysensible."Didhehearthesarcasm?Ifso,hepretendednotto.

"Good.TellthegirlsIlovethem.I'llbethereintimefordinner,andwecantake
thatboattriptoPortCarlingonSunday."

Claireswallowed,hatingthatshefeltsodisappointed.Shekepttellingherselfshe
couldn'tpossiblyloveKirkanymore,notafterthewayhe'dbetrayedher.Butif
thatwastrue,whydidshefeelsobereftathavingtowaitanextradaytosee
him?

"Claire?"Kirk'svoicewassuddenlysofter."Areyouthere?Iseverythingokay?"

Sheturnedherbacktothetableandwenttothestovetocheckthattheburner
andtheovenwereshutoff.Theywere."I'mf-fine."

"Areyousure—"

Claireblinkedbacktears,andaflashofanger.Howmanytimeshadsheheard
thissameexcusefromhiminthepast?Howmanytimeshadfamilycomesecond
toworkobligations?Andhowmanytimeshadthoseworkobligationsbeena
fabricationtogivehimtimetospendwithJanice?

"Ihavetogo.We'rejustsittingdowntodinner."Shehungupthephonewithout
waitingforhisreply,thentookherseat,halfexpectingthephonetoringagain.

Itdidn't.

ClaireavoidedMallory'seyeswhensheannouncedtoherdaughtersthattheir
fatherwouldbearrivinglaterthanexpected.Sheplayedwiththesoupinher
bowlandforceddownasmallservingofsalad.

Thebaby.Shehadtoeatforthebaby'ssake.Claireswallowedamouthfulof
chowder,thenanother.Forthefirsttimeinherlife,sheresentedbeingpregnant.
Shedidn'tneedthisextraburdenontopofeverythingelse.Justonce,shewished
shecouldputherownwantsandneedsfirst.

Andrightnow,shedidn'twanttoeat.Shewantedtorantandrave…

Afterthedishesweredone,Mallorygotthegirlssettledinfrontofthetelevision
withamovieintheVCR,thenpulledherontothedecktotalk.

"Outwithit,Claire.Youlookreadytoexplode."

"Youdon'tknowhowrightyouare."Clairewalkeddownthestepstothesecond
levelofthedeck,andMalloryfollowed.Fromthisvantagepoint,theycouldhear
therhythmiclappingofwaves,thecreakingoftheboardsattheirfeet.Claire
grippedtherailingandleanedagainstit.

"Hesayshehastoentertainout-of-townclients.ButI'llbethe'sseeingher"

"Whydoyouthinkthat?"

"Janice'sholidayendedonMonday.I'vebeenwonderinghowKirkwouldreactto
seeingherbackintheoffice."

"Didyoutryaskinghim?"

Clairebenttorestherforeheadonherfoldedarms.HowcouldMallory
understand?SheandDrewweresoclose,socompatible.Shecouldn'tappreciate
whatitwasliketohaveyourhusbandlietoyou,deceiveyou.

"Claire,youcan'tworryyourselfsickaboutthingslikethis.Youhavetotalkto

Kirk.Tellhimwhatyou'rethinking.Givehimachancetoreassureyou."

ButwhatifhereallywasseeingJanice?

Well,atleastshe'dknow.

"You'reright,"shedecided."IneedtotalktoKirk.Willyoustayovernightwith
thegirls?"

"Now?You'regoingtotalktohimnow?"

"JustassoonasIcandrivetoToronto.Let'ssee.It'sfive-thirty.IfIleaveright
awayI'llbethereshortlybeforenine—I'llbegoingagainstthetraffic."

"Oh,Claire.Areyousurethisisagoodidea?Howwillyouknowwheretofind
him?"

"I'llcallhisassistant,Greer.Shemakesallhisdinnerreservations.Sowillyou
watchthegirls?"

"Ofcourse.But—"

"Talktohim,"Claireremindedher,afingeratherfriend'schest."Yourwords.
Remember?"

ClairehadcalledGreerfromhercellphone,shortlyafterheadingthevansouth
forToronto.

"Goodthingyoucaughtme."Greer'svoicehadbeencheerful."Iwasjustonmy
wayoutthedoor.HisreservationisatthatItalianrestaurantheloveson
Eglinton.Justaminute—I'llcheckmyaddressbookforthename—"

"Noneed.Iknowtheone."She'dgonetherewithKirkseveraltimes…

Now,parkedinfrontoftherestaurant,Claireconsideredthepossibilitythatshe
wouldn'tfindthemthere.Theymighthavechosentospendthen-timesomewhere
moreprivate.WouldKirkdaretakeJanicehome?Claire'schestfeltasifitwere
onfireassheimaginedJanicetossingherpurseonthechairbythefrontdoor,
slippingherblazerontothepostbythestaircase,walkingupthesteps,holding
Kirk'shand…

No.No.Hewouldn'tstoopsolow.Besides,itwasonlyeight-forty.Theyhadtostill
behere.

Inthefoyershepaused.Therewasafountaininthecenteroftheroom,terra-
cottatilesonthefloor,flamboyantItalianartonthewalls.Theplacewascrowded
andnoisy,andtheenticingaromasofgarlic,oreganoandtomatosaucefilledthe

air.Adark-hairedgirlinherearlytwenties—obviouslythehostess—wasstanding
nearbybutpreoccupiedwithaflirtingcustomer.Shelaughed,tossingback
shoulder-lengthhair.

Thelightsweredim,wrought-ironcandelabrawereontheirlowestsettingsand
candlesonthetablesflickeredbeckoningly.

Thewomenweredressedtodisarm.Reflexively,Claireputahandtoherhair,
wishingshe'datleastputonlipstickinthecar.Shewaswearingapalepink
sundressandheroldflatsandals,andcouldn'thavefeltmoreoutofplace.Still,a
maninhisfiftiessmiledatherastheireyescaughtacrosstheroom.Anda
nearbywaiterbowedcourteously.

"Meetingsomeone?"

"Yes.CouldIjustlookaround?''

Hewouldhavepreferredtohelp,butsheslidpast,aselegantlyasawomanwho
wasfourmonthspregnantcouldslide.Shescannedthecrowd,tablesoflovers,of
families,offriends,onthelookoutfortwofurtiveheads.Onedarkblond,the
otherbrunette.Twopeopleleaningintowardeachother,possiblyholdinghands…

Shewouldpourtheirwineovertheirheads,thenthrowJaniceintothefountain.
Shewould—

TherewasKirk.She'dknowthosebroadshouldersanywhere.Apillarhidtherest
ofthepartyfromherview.

Clairemovedforward.Nowshesawthepartyinfull.Twomenweresittingwith
herhusband.Andhe'djustnoticedher.

Inlessthanasecondhiseyeswidenedinastonishment,thennarrowedwith
anger.Sheknewthatsettohismouth,eventhoughshesawitrarely.

Suddenly,shefeltabsurd,conspicuous.Hewasn'twithJanice;hersuspicionshad
beenunfounded.Whatonearthwasshegoingtodonow?Turnanddrivebackto
thecottage?

Kirkhadrisen,andhiscompanionswerelookingherway.SomehowClaire
propelledherselfforward.Kirkwassmilingnow,allgenialcharm.

"Youmadeit,Claire.Betterlatethannever.Thisismywife,gentlemen.Iasked
hertojoinusifshecould."

Hishandonherarmwasgentleasheguidedhertothechaironhisright.The
twomenacrossthetabledidnotseemupsetbytheinterruption.Bothslightly
olderthanKirk,bothdressedinsimilarbusinessattireasherhusband,they

smiledpolitelyandheldouttheirhandsinturn.

"Claire,MartinMclntyreandBarryStracker.They'vecomefromNewYorkto
considerinvestmentopportunitiesinsomeofournewerhigh-techventures."

ClairesmiledatBarry,whosatacrossfromher.

Hehadaroundface,balancingkeeneyeswithawarmsmile.Martin,sitting
acrossfromKirk,wasbothtallerandbetterlooking,andhisexpressionwas
decidedlymorealoof.

"IhopeI'mnotinterruptinganythingimportant,"shesaid."WhenKirktoldme
aboutthedinner,IthoughtIcouldn'tcome,butatthelastminuteIfounda
sitter."

"I'mglad."Kirksmiledather,andforamomentshealmostbelievedthathewas
pleasedtoseeher.Thensherememberedwhomtheywerewith,andtheneedto
presentapleasantfacade.

"Wewerejustabouttoorderourmaincourse,"Barrysaid."Wouldyouliketosee
themenu?"

Hehandedhertheleather-boundbooklet,andshesmiledherthanks.Eatingwas
thelastthingonhermind,butofcourseshe'dhavetoordernowthatshewas
here.

"Theservertoldusaboutapastaspecialyou'dprobablylike,"Kirksaid."A
mixtureofricottaandspinachinhomemaderavioli,servedwithacreamytomato
sauce."

"Thatdoessoundgood."

Theserverhadjustreturnedandwasgatheringmenus.Claireaddedherstothe
pile.

"Andasaladontheside?"Kirkasked."Claire'spregnant,"heannouncedtothe
group,puttinganarmaroundhershoulders.

"Congratulations!"Wineglasseswereraised,thentheordersweregiven.

Claireaskedforanonalcoholiccocktail,thensatbackinherchair.Thesuspicion
andangerthathadfueledherduringthelongdrivehadcompletelyfizzled,and
nowshefeltanoddmixtureofcontentmentandpleasure.Kirkhadn'tremoved
hisarm,anditswarmthfeltinclusive,asifhewereshepherdingherintothe
group,assuringherofherwelcome.

Barrywascharmingandgregarious,andshesoonfoundthatMartinhadadry

wit,whichheusedsparinglybuteffectively.

"Yourhusbandisapersuasiveman,"Barrysaid,breakingapieceofbreadinhis
hands."Butwhatdoeshiswifesay?Shouldwehandhimthesixhundred
thousanddollarshe'saskingfor?"

"Onlyifyoucan'taffordseven,"Clairesaid.

Kirklaughedandsqueezedhershoulder."Asyoucansee,wemakequiteateam."

Briefly,Claireallowedhergazetomeethis,andwassurprisedatthewarmthand
affectionshesaw.Ballinghernapkininonefist,shewilledherselftoholdback
quicktears.

"Anddoyoualreadyhavechildren?"Barryasked,jumpingtopicswithease.

"Threegirls,"Kirksaidproudly.

"Maybeasonthistime?"BarryglancedatClaire,thenbacktoKirk.

"Orperhapsthey'llsticktothehousespecialty,"Martinsaid."Mywifesaysonce
yougettherecipefiguredout,don'tbotherexperimenting.Wehavetwoboys."

Theirmealsarrivedthen,andClairewassurprisedtofindshefeltfamished.The
ravioliweresotendertheymeltedlikeshortbreadinhermouth,andthe
seasoningswereexquisite.Thesaladwastossedwithalightraspberryvinaigrette
andservedwithahandfulofberriesandsomefreshlyroastedpecansinthe
center.

"Oh,myLord,"Clairesaidafterherfirstfewbites."Nowonderyoulikethis
restaurantsomuch."

"Itisgood,isn'tit?"Kirksaid.He'dorderedapistachiochickendish,servedwith
oven-roastedvegetables.

"Justgivemetenminuteswiththatchef…"Shewasthinkingofgatheringnew
recipesforhercookingcolumn,butMartinchosetomisinterpretherintent.

"I'mnotsosurethatwouldbewise."HeglancedupfromhisossobucoMilanese.
"Themanwasquitehandsome—IsawhimasIpassedbythekitchenontheway
tothewashrooms.Thinasarake,withdarkItalianeyes.Pregnantornot,I
wouldn'ttrustmywifealonewithbun.Besides,aren'tthoseItalianspartialto
blondes?"

Kirkreturnedhisarmtohershoulders."Iwon'tlethergoalone,then."

Thebanterwasflattering,eventhoughsheknewshewasn'tlookingherbest.

Thenshecaughtaglimpseofherselfinamirrorontheoppositewall,andwas
amazedtoseeshelookedokay.Herhairfellinpaleyellowwavesaroundher
face,andthewarmatmosphereandcamaraderieatthetablehadbroughtcolorto
hercheeksandlips.

Themealendedtooquickly.Kirkpickedupthetabforthegroup,thenthefourof
themrosefromthetableandwalkedsinglefiletothefrontdoor,withClaire
leadingtheway.

Shepausedinthefoyer,suddenlyguiltyabouthavinginterrupted."Butdidyou
gettodiscussallyourbusinessissues?"

"Madam—"Barrytookherhandandbowedslightly"—meetinganassociate'swife
isasimportantasreviewingthefinancialstatements."

"Oftenmoreso,"Martinsaiddryly.

"Wediscussedtheprojectoverdrinksbeforedinner,"Kirkassuredher."These
gentlemenhavetogetbacktotheirhotel.Theyhaveanearlyflighthome
tomorrowmorning.Ifyouhavequestions,"hesaid,turningtothemandshaking
hands,"youhavemycellphonenumber,aswellasthenumberatwork."

Outonthestreethehailedthemacab,andClairesmiledastheymadetheirfinal
goodbyes.

"YoumustcometoNewYorkandwe'llreturnthehospitality,"Barrysaid.

"Yes,"Martinaddedoverhisshoulder."Thefoodmightnottasteanybetter,but
it'llbetwiceasexpensive."

Thecabdoorshutandtheywereoff.Clairewasstillsmilingasshewatchedthe
redtaillightsdisappeardownthestreet.ShewasabouttotellKirkhowmuch
she'denjoyedtheevening,whenshenoticedhewasstaringather.Andtheangry
expressionshe'dglimpsedattherestauranthadreturned.

"Whatareyoudoinghere,Claire?"heasked."Youwerecheckinguponme,
weren'tyou?"

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

"ANDifIwascheckinguponyou?"Clairesquaredoffagainstherhusband.
"Wouldyoublameme?"

Allthegoodwillshe'dbeenfeelingvanishedintothewarm,humidnightair.She
forgotaboutthepleasureofthepasthourandahalfandremembered,instead,
theangerthathadfueledhertripinthefirstplace.

"Janicewasbackintheofficethisweek,wasn'tshe?"

"Sowhatifshewas?"Kirk'shandswereinhistrouserpockets.Hetookastep
closer,loweredhisvoiceanotch.

"Claire,I'mgoingtocounselingwithyou.I'mspendingeverysparemomentI
havewithyouandthekids.Ifthatisn'tenoughtoconvinceyouI'mseriousabout
makingthismarriagework,thenmaybeyoushouldtellmewhatitisthatyou
want?"

Clairegatheredhercouragetoasktheburningquestion,afraidoftheanswerbut
unabletoliveanylongerwiththeuncertainty."Iwanttoknowwhatyourfeelings
areforJanice.Doyoustillloveher?"

Kirk'sshouldersheavedonasigh,menheshookhisheadinagestureof
hopelessness."Oh,Claire."

Shesteppedback,knowingthequestionhadbeenamistake."I'mgoingho—"

"No.You'renotleaving."Suddenly,Kirkwasinfrontofher,hishandonherarm.
"Weneedtotalk,butnothere.Comebacktothehouse,Claire."

Shejerkedawayfromhim."Don'ttellmewhattodo."

Hecoveredthesideofhisfacewithhishand,shootingaglanceheavenward,then
atheragain."I'msorry,Claire.Ijustcouldn'tstanditifyouleftnow.Please,let's
haveacalm,civilizedtalk."

Claireconsidered.Hewasrightononepoint.Theycouldn'tremainhereonthe
street,arguingaboutsomethingthisimportant."Isuppose."

Kirkwalkedhertothevanandheldthedoorassheclimbedinside.

"Mycar'sjustdowntheblock.I'llmeetyouathome."

Home.Whatwashomeanymore?Clairefeltoddlydisorientedasshedrovethe
familiarstreets.ThefreewaytookherquicklytotheirneighborhoodinRichmond
Hill.Herethehouseswerelarge,mostofthembrick,withgenerouslotsand
maturetreesandlandscaping.

Shepulledintoherdriveway,notingthatKirkhadbeenkeepingthelawningood
condition.Thegaragedoorwasalreadyopen;Kirk'sVolvonosedintotheright-
handsideasusual.

Justasshegotoutofthevan,Kirkopenedthedoorthatledfromthegarageto
thehouse."Comein,Claire."

"Thanksfortheinvitation.LastIchecked,Iownedthisplace,too."

Kirk'sjawtightened."I'mgoingtoignorethat."

Forasecond,Clairewasashamedofherlittletemper,butthenshedecidedshe
wasentitledtofeelangry.Maybenotabouthisopeningthedoorbutaboutother,
moreimportant,things.

Shesweptthroughthehallwayandintothekitchen,awarethateverythingwas
neatandclean—notsomuchasadirtyglassbythesink.Inthefamilyroomshe
pacedthelengthofthefireplace.Thehousewassoquietshecouldhearthehum
oftheair-conditioning.

"Wantadrink?"

"No,Idon'twantadrink."

ShewatchedKirklowerhimselfontotheirwell-wornleathersofa.Afterafew
uncomfortablemomentssheproppedherselfagainstthearmattheoppositeside,
andhetwistedtofaceher.

"WhenyouaskedifIwasoverJanice,Ididn'tmeantoavoidthequestion."

"Really?"Clairepickedatthepolishononefingernail,wonderingifshewasready
tohearthis.Hewastakingsolongtoreplythenewshadtobebad.Maybehe
didn'tknowhowtotellher.Afteralongsilence,shecouldn'tbearitanymore.
"Youaren'toverher,areyou?"

"No,I'mnot,"heagreed.

Pauiknifedalinefromherthroattohergut.Hermouthopenedautomaticallyfor
air,justassherealizedhewasstillspeaking.

"Becausetherewasnothingtogetover.Notreally.Itwasjustaninfatuation.I
seeitquiteclearlynow.Ineverlovedheratall.NotthewayIloveyou.Theway
I'velovedyouourentiretwelveyearstogether."

Hetookherhandsandclaspedthem,andhelookedsosincereshewastempted
tobelievehim.Thefightwentoutofherthen,andsherealizedthatwhatshe'd
reallyfeltallalongwasfear.

"Areyousure,Kirk?Orareyoujustsayingsobecauseofthebaby?"

Heglancedatherwaist.Thesmallmoundthatwastheirchildwasbarelyvisible
behindherfulldress.Hetuggedonherhandsuntilshewasleaningcloseenough
thathecouldwraponearmaroundherneck.

"Thebabymatters.Justasallthreeofourotherchildrenmatter.Butthatdoesn't
changethefactthatIloveyou."

Wassheafooltobelievehim?Butshedid.Ormaybeshejustwantedto.Witha
whimpershelethimdrawhernear,untilherfacewassecurelyonhisshoulder,
herbodytuckedhinexttohis.Shefelthimtracetheoutlineofhermouthwitha
fingerandallowedherlipstopartslightly,hertonguetoflickagainsthisskin
eversobriefly.

"Oh,Claire."Hebenthismouthtohers,hislipsfirmandwarm.Forseveral
secondssheandhewerestill,thenhermouthpartedwiderandhislipsbecame
moredemanding.Stroking,brushing,nibbling.

"Claire,"hesaidagain,pullingbackforamoment."WhenIkissyou,Ikissonly
you.Always."

Sheknewwhathewastellingher,andcouldn'tstopatearfromslippingoutthe
cornerofhereye.Shesawhisconcernwhenhetasteditssaltinessandedged
awaytoreadherexpression.

"Happythistime,"shesaid,runningherhandalongthecordedmusclethat
stretchedacrossthebreadthofhisshoulder.

"Areyousure?"Hekissedhereyelidsgently,whilehishandsteasedthestrands
ofherhair."Iwanttomakelovetoyou,Claire.Butifyoucryagain,Godhelpme,
IthinkI'llwanttodie."

Nolongerangry,orevenjealous,Clairetracedtheoutlineofherhusband'sstrong
face,stoppingbrieflyatthevelvetsoftnessofhisearlobe,thencontinuingalong
thecurveofhiseartothetangleofcurlsfallingoverhisbroadforehead.

"Ican'tpromisenottocry,"shesaid."ButthistimeIwon'trunaway."recorded
jazzmusic,playedbyherfavoritesaxophonist,awokeClairethenextmorning,
themusiclikealong,lazycaress.SheopenedhereyesintimetoseeKirkwalkin
thedoorwithatray.

Heworeonlyhiswhitecottonboxers,andsheadmiredthesculptedmusclesofhis
chest,thetaperingofhiships,thelonglineofhislegs.

"Bagelsandjuice?"Hesetthetrayonthebed,thenscrambledunderthecovers
withher.He'dturnedofftheair-conditioningandopenedthewindowstosunshine
andthefaintestofbreezes.

"You'respoilingme."Shestretchedwithapurr,thenleanedbackagainstthe
headboard."Althoughtruthis,Iamstarving."

"Mustbethatsmalldinneryouhadlastnight,"heteased,spreadingstrawberry

jamovercreamcheese."Wantthis?"

"Mmm."Thebagelwasstillwarm,toastedtojusttherightcrispness,andthetang
ofthecreamcheesebeautifullyoffsetthesweetnessofthejam.

Shehadn'trealizedshe'dclosedhereyesuntilsheopenedthemandsawKirk
observingher.

"Watchingyoueatisalwayssuchapleasure.Youturnfoodintoasensual
experience."

"Isn'titforeveryone?"Sheofferedhimsomebagelandhetookabite."Comeon.
Tellmethatisn'tthesecondbestthingtosex."

"Whataboutchocolate?"heasked,nibblingthefingersholdingthebagel.
"Researcherssaysomewomenpreferchocolatetosex."

"Aclosesecond,"sheadmitted,catchingherbreathashisnibblingturnedto
kissestravelingthelengthofherarm.Shesetthebagelonthetrayandshuther
eyes."Mmm,yes.Thatfeelsnice."Hestoppedathershoulderandeaseddown
thespaghettistrapofhernightgowntoexposeafullbreast.Cuppingitwithone
hand,heloweredhismouthtothebutterscotch-colorednippleand,afteragentle,
teasingtug,lookedbackather."Betterthanchocolate?"

"Ifonlytherewereawaytocombinethetwo.""Icanthinkofafew…"

"I'llbetyoucan."Shechuckled,thensanklowerintothepillows."Butthensex
wouldbecomefattening.SomethingIdefinitelydon'tneed."

Kirkwasathertummynow,nuzzlinghisfaceagainstherskin.Herestedone
cheekonherforamoment,andhisexpressiongrewserious."You'realways
talkingasifyouhavesomesortofweightproblem,butyouknowthatyoudon't,
right?"

Clairesquirmed."IknowI'mnotsupposedtodoanythingcrazyliketrytolose
weightwhenI'mpregnant."

"Pregnantornot,you'reperfectasyouare.Didyounoticethemenwatchingyou
intherestaurantlastnight?Notjusttheguysatourtablebutseveralothers,as
well.You'reincrediblypretty.Ifeltsoluckyitwasmeyouwerewith."

Clairerememberedtheprotectivearmoverhershouldersandsmiledalittle.No
waywassheasgorgeousashewasmakinghersound.She'dbeeninasundress
andflatsandals,afterall.Butshefelthemeantwhathewassaying.Andmaybe
shewasthatprettytohim.

Theymadelovebetweenbitesofbagelandswallowsofjuice.Itturnedintoa

game.JustwhenClairethoughtdesirewasgoingtosweepthemovertheedge,
Kirkwouldmakethemstopandtakeanothermouthful.

"ButIdon'twanttoeat!"sheprotestedagainsthisshoulder,herbodycoiled
tightlywithdesire."Bepatient."

Soshebitandchewedandswallowed.AndwasrewardedasKirk'shard,sleek
bodyroseupaboveher,thenenteredsmoothly.Bythispointtheyweresoturned
ontherewasnostoppingeitherofthem.Tenminuteslater,theywerebreathless
ineachother'sarms,satedineverypossiblesenseoftheword.Thebreakfast
traywasempty,theCDhadfinishedplayingandtheirlovemakingwasmost
satisfyinglyconcluded.

"Iloveyou,Claire."

Kirksqueezedhertight,andsheclosedhereyesontearsofpleasure.

"Thishasbeenthemostwonderfulmorningofmylife."

"I'mglad.Me,too."Hekissedhersoftly,thenstretchedouthislegs."Howlongis
Malloryabletowatchthekids?"

"Thekids!"Clairesatupstraight,unabletobelieveshe'dallbutforgottenabout
them."PoorMallory.IneverdidtellherwhattimeI'dbeback."

"Relax,"Kirksaid,buthesatup,also."Wecancallheronthecellphoneonthe
driveup.Let'sgrabaquickshowersowecanhittheroad."

"Okay."Claireswungherlegsoverthesideofthebed,thenstood,naked.Her
nightgownwassomewhereinthepileofbeddingtangledonthefloor.Awareof
Kirk'sgaze,sheautomaticallyliftedherhandstoherbelly,thensheforcedthem
down.Ifhethoughtshewassoperfectthewayshewas,thenlethimsee.

Shewasrewardedbyhisgrin."Beautiful,"heconfirmed.

Shesmiledallthewaytothebathroom.Quickly,shebrushedherteeth.Assoon
assheshutoffthefaucetshecaughtthesoundofKirk'svoicefromaroundthe
corner.

Hewastalkingtosomeone.

Claire'sheartjumped.Thehappyhoursthey'dspentinbedwereforgottenasit
occurredtoherthathecouldhaveplannedtomeetJaniceafterhisbusiness
meeting.Maybehewascallinghernowtoapologizefornotshowingupearlier.

Walkingquietly,shepaddedaroundthecornerandfoundhimwithhisbacktoher.

"I'msorry,"hewassayingtothepersonontheotherendoftheline.

Claire'shandwenttoherthroat.Wide-eyed,shewatchedhimturntowardher.
Therelaxedexpressiononhisfacesuddenlytightened.Hissmokyeyesnarrowed,
andhischestheavedwithanindrawnbreath.

"It'sMallory,"hesaid.HoldingoutthereceivertoClaire,heasked,"Doyouwant
tospeakwithher?"

Thepanickedfeelingwhooshedoutofher,leavingherashamedandvulnerable.
Shereachedforarobeshekeptonthebackofthedoorandshookherhead.

"Iinsist,"Kirksaidbetweenclenchedteeth."OrhowelsewillyouknowI'mtelling
thetruth?"

Sheshookherhead."Iknow.I'msorry—"

"Takeit."Hedroppedthereceiveronthebedandlefttheroom.

Clairewrappedtherobetightlyoverherbreasts,glancedatthereceiver,then
downthehall.Kirkhaddisappearedintothegirls'bathroom.Amomentlatershe
heardtheshower.

Tentatively,shereachedforthephone."Mallory?"

"What'sgoingonthere?OneminuteI'mtalkingtoKirk,thenext—silence."

"IguessthepoisonIputinhismorningcoffeehadasuddeneffect."

"Claire…"

"OfcourseI'mjoking.He'sintheshower.Aliveandwell,Ipromise."Butnot
happy.Definitelynothappy."We'llbeleavingshortly.Werethegirlsokay?"

"Yeah,althoughAndiehadahardtimefallingasleep."

Clairethoughtofhereldestdaughterandsighed."I'msorryaboutthat,but
thanksforholdingdownthefort."

"Itwasfun.WemadeFrenchtoastforbreakfast.Daisyshowedmehow.We're
abouttogototheConroys'beach."

"We'llmeetyouthere."

ClairewasdressedandwaitingbythetimeKirkcamedownstairs.She'dmade
theirbedanddonethebreakfastdishes.Nowshewaswateringtheindoorplants,
whichdidn'tseemtoneedit.Kirkhadtakengoodcareofthose,too.

"Ready?"Kirkaskedher.Histonewasbrisk,hisexpressionremote.

Claireknewshe'dhurthimwithhersuspicions.Butcouldhereallyblameher?If
thesituationwerereversed,wouldhebesoquicktoforgiveandforget?

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

"Andrea?pleasetellmewhat'sbotheringyou."Clairerestedherarmsonthe
mattressofthetopbunk.Andiewaslyingwithherfacetothewall.She'dsat
stone-facedinthecaronthedrivehomefromtheConroys'beachandrushed
straighttoherroomthesecondthecarstopped.

"Please,honey.IcanseehowunhappyyouareandIwanttohelp."

Andie'sshouldersstartedtoshake."Goaway."

"Oh,honey."Clairelookeduncertainlyatthesmallwoodenladder,thenshrugged.
"Ifyou'renotcomingdown,thenI'llhavetocomeup.Ionlyhopethisoldbedcan
taketheweight."

Clairegatheredherskirtaroundherlegsandclimbed.Onceup,shestretchedout
besideherdaughterandtentativelyranahanddownherarm.

"Honey,Iknowyouweredisappointedyourdaddywaslate,butwe'restillgoing
tomaketheboattriptoPortCarling.Firstthinginthemorning."

"Idon'twanttogo."

Andiewaspouting,beingchildish;itreminded

Claireofthebattlesthey'dhadwhenherdaughterwasthree.

"Andie,youknowyoulovegoingtoPortCar-lingbyboat."

"It'llbeboring."

"Boring?"Clairetriedtoputherselfintheten-year-old'shead."Youmissyour
friends,right?Itoldyouweshouldhaveinvited—"

"Oh,Mom-m-m-m."Andierolledontohertummyandplantedherfaceinher
pillow.

Itwasacuetoleave,Clairesupposed.Butthistimeshewasn'tgoingto.Shewas
justtooworried.Andiedidn'twanttotalk,butmaybeitwastimetoforcethe
issue.

"ThishassomethingtodowithyourfriendErin,doesn'tit?"

"Erin?"

"Youtwoweresocloseatthebeginningoftheyear.UntilChristmas.What
happened,Andie?DidErindosomethingthatupsetyou?"

NowAndierolledoveronherback.Hereyesgleamedwithleftovertearsasshe
staredupattheceiling."No,Mom.Ijustgotboredwithher,okay?"

Claireexaminedherdaughter'sface.Thiswasdefinitelynotringingtrue."I
thoughtshewasalwaysfriendlyandfuntobearound.And"herparentsseemed
likesuchanicecouple."

"They'regettingadivorce."

"Theyare?"

Clairerememberedthelastoccasionshe'dseenErin'sparents.Itwasjustafter
herinterviewwithAndie'steacherinMarch.They'ddiscussedAn-die'spoor
resultsonthesecond-termreportcard,andClairehadbeenalittletearyeyed
whenshe'dspottedtheattractivepairwaitingfortheirturn.They'dbeenvery
politeandcalm;askedafterAn-dieandsaidtheymissedseeingheraround.
Claireneverwouldhaveguessedtheywerehavinganyproblems.

"NowErinspendshalfhertimewithhermomandhalfhertimewithherdad."

"Oh."Clairereflectedforaminute."Andwhendidthishappen?Herparents
separating,Imean."

"DayafterChristmas."Andieblinked,stillstaringupattheceiling.

AfterChristmas.WhichwaswhenAndie'smarkshadbeguntodive.Claire
proppedherheaduponherelbow."Honey,justbecauseherparentsareno
longertogetherdoesn'tmeanyoucan'tbefriends.Infact,Erinprobablyneeds—"

"Forgetit,Mom,okay?Justforgetit!Youdon'tunderstandanything!"Andie
twistedherbodyupfromthemattressandcrawledoverClaire'slegstogettothe
ladder.Clairetriedtorushafterher,butthefoldsofherlongskirtsnaredher.

"Wait,Andie!"

Slam!Thedoorwasshut,herdaughtergone.AmomentlaterClaireheardthe
screendoorslam,too.

ClairetalkedthesituationoverwithKirkthatnight."Ijustdon'tknowwhatto
do."

"MaybeweshouldspeaktoErin'sparentsinSeptember.Seeiftheyhaveanidea

whathappenedbetweenthegirls."

"That'sagoodidea."ButSeptemberwasamonthaway,andClairewishedshe
couldhelpAndienow.

"Let'shopetheboattriptomorrowsnapsheroutofherfunk."

Itdid,butnotatthebeginning.Andiewasthelastonetotheboatthenext
morning,andwhenshedidfinallyshowup,she'dforgottenherhatandtheyall
hadtowaitwhilesheranbacktothecottageforit.

"Hurryup,Andie,"Daisycomplained.

"Oh,justshutup,"Andiesnapped.

"Andie,"Kirkwarned.HeshotaconcernedglanceatClairebeforestartingthe
motoroftheirmahoganylaunch.Carefully,hebackedtheoldboat—whichGrady
hadlovinglyrestoredtoitsoriginalconditionafewyearsago—outofthe
boathouse.SoontheywerecruisingandClairehadwindinherfaceandearsand
thesmelloflakewaterandgasolinefumesinhernose.

Shesquintedoutacrossthewater,whichshimmeredinthehighsun.The
shorelinewasdottedwithcottages.Somewereenormous,sprawlingbuildings,
othersmedium-sizeliketheirs,andafewweresmallandrustic.Whileshe
appreciatedtheconveniencesofherplace,thesmalleroneswereherfavorite.
Theysnuggledintothelandbetter;sometimesyoucouldseeonlythewindows,
peeringlikeeyesfromamidtheweatheredoldtrees.

Nomatterwhichdirectionyoulookedtherewereotherboats.Acouplewere
pullingskiers.ClairenoticedKirksteercarefullyawayfromthem.

Conversationwasdifficultbecauseofthenoisefromthemotorandthebreeze
whippedupbytheboat,butshethoughtshesensedeveryoneinthefamily
relaxing.Shepassedoutsoftdrinks,thenleanedbackintoherseat,determined
toenjoytheday.

Evenwiththebreezeitwaswarm,andClairewasgladforhericysoda.She
suckedthroughthesmalltabopeningandtiltedherheadalittleinKirk's
direction.

Hewassittingonthebackofhischair,onehandonthesteeringwheel,theother
cuppingthecolashe'dgivenhim.Thewindhadflattenedthecurlsatthetopof
hishead,andthesidesofhisshort-sleevedshirt,whichheworeunbuttoned,
soundedlikeflagsastheyflappedinthebreeze.Despitespendingonlyweekends
atthecottage,hewasastannedasClaire.

KirkslowedhisspeedastheynearedPortCar-lingandjoinedthequeueof

watercraftwaitingtotieupatthewoodenpiers.

"CanwevisitMalloryandAngel?"Daisyasked.Thelensesonhersunglasseswere
shapedlikeflowers,andjustlookingathermiddledaughtermadeClairesmile.Of
allthreechildren,Daisywasthemostfashionconscious.Todayshehadona
matchingshortsetwithaswingtopofpaleyellow,yetanotherflowergracingthe
front.

"Sorry,Day.TheDriscollsareaway,remember?"Kirkhadstilledthemotor.Now
hegrabbedforthedock.Oncehegotagriphepulledtheboatupclosesothey
coulddisembark.

Clairetiedtheboattooneofthemetalringsscrewedontothepier,before
reachingovertogiveJennaahand.

"Who'sgoingtoprinttheHuboftheLakesGazette?"Andieasked.

"Ithinkthestaffaretakingoverforthisedition.Drewwrotehiseditorialaheadof
time."

"Canwegotothefudgery,then?"Daisyasked.

"Iwantanicecream."Jennacrossedherarms,indicatingshewouldnot
negotiate.

EvenAndiehadherrequest."Canwelookatthebookstore?"

"We'lldoeverything,"Kirkpromised,taking

Jenna'shandinhis.Clairewassurprisedwhenhetookhers,too.

They'dbarelytouchedsincearrivingatthecottageyesterdayafternoon.Barely
talked.

Nowhesqueezedherhandasallfiveofthemmovedalongthedock.They
crossedoverthebridgeandcametothebookstore.

"We'llstoponthewayback,"Kirkpromised,usheringthempastthecommunity
center,towardSteamboatBay.

"Icecream?"Kirkaskedastheyapproachedthetake-outwindowatNibbs.

Thegirlsranahead,andClairesmiled."Finally,anindulgenceapregnantwoman
canreallyappreciate."

Kirkraisedoneeyebrow."Icanthinkofothers."Hetuggedhercloser.
"Remember?"

Oh,sherememberedallright.Shewassurprisedtohearhimspeakofit,though.
They'dbeensocarefulofeachother,sopolitesincethatdreadful
misunderstandingaboutthephonecall.Ofcourse,they'dhadlittletimewiththe
girlsaround.

"Whatflavor,Claire?"Kirkasked,afterthegirlshadbeenservedandweresettled
onanoutdoorbench.

Clairelookedthroughtheglassdisplayatthemanytemptingtubsofexotic
flavorsandoldfavorites."Cookiesandcream.No,maplepecan.Oh,Ican't
decide."

"Ascoopofeach,"Kirktoldtheladybehindmecounter."Oneforyou,oneforthe
baby,"hesaid,passingherthecone.He'dchosenblacklicorice,aflavorClaire
justdidnotget.

"Oh,Daddy,"Jennasaidthemomentshesawit."Thatlooksgross."

"Wantataste?"Kirkputtheconeinchesfromherlips.

"Ick!"Jennaturnedherhead.SodidAndieandDaisywhenhetriedtogetthem
tosampleit.

"NowyouknowwhyIorderthisflavor,"hesaid,enjoyingabigbitefromthe
scoop."Idon'thavetoshare."

Therestofthemtooknibblesfromoneanother'scones.ClairesampledJenna's
bubblegum,Daisy'schocolatemintandAndie'sdoublechocolate.

Jennafinishedherconefirst,thentriedtoslideontohermother'slaptohave
someofhers.Aftersheslidoffasecondtime,sheputherhandsonherhipsand
complained,"Whyisyourlapgettingsofat,Mommy?Ican'tfitthereanymore."

ClaireglancedoveratKirkandsawthathewasequallysurprisedandamusedby
thecomment.Sofartheyhadn'tmentionedthenewbabytothechildren.Was
thisthetime?Henoddedslightly.

"BecauseI'mgoingtohaveanotherbaby."

"Youare?"Andiefroze,thenlookedfromhermothertoherfather."When?"

"AroundthemiddleofJanuary,Ithink,"Clairesaid.

"Willitbeaboyorgirl?"Daisyasked.

"Wedon'tknow."

"CanwehangastockingatChristmasforthebaby?"Jennawondered.

"Youbet."

"WillIgettohelptakecareofit?"Andieasked."I'llbeelevenbythen."

"I'msureyou'llbeabighelp,"Kirksaid,strokingdownoneofherwildredcurls.
Clairewondered,wouldthisbabybeanotherredhead?Orablondelikethe
others?

"Me,too?"Daisyasked.

"There'llbeworkenoughforallofus,I'msure."Clairefeltexhaustedjust
rememberingwhatthosefirstfewmonthswerelike.Nightfeedingsweren'ttoo
badwithonlyonechildtocarefor,butshehadthreechildrenalready,anda
householdtorun.Andmaybeshe'dbeonherownbesides.Suddenly,herice
creamdidn'ttastethatgreat.Shesurreptitiouslydumpeditinthetrash,then
followedherfamilyacrosstheparkinglottothefirstoftheappealingshopsin
SteamboatBay,

Asshewasfingeringchildren'ssweatshirtsmarkeddowntwentypercent,Kirk
cameupbesideher.

"Funny,butwhenweweretellingthegirlsaboutthenewbaby,IrealizedthatI
didn'tevenknowhowyoufeltabouthavingafourthchild."

Thatwastrue.Theyhadn'ttalkedaboutit."Iguesswe'vehadalotonourmind."

"Butstill—"Kirktuckedahandunderherelbow."Youlooksotired.Iwas
wonderingifweshouldconsiderhiringsomeextrahelp.Forthefirstfewmonths,
anyway."

Clairejustshookherheadandwalkedoutofthestore.SheknewKirkwastrying
tobeconsiderate,butshedidn'twantastrangerinsideherhouse.Shewanteda
husbandshecouldcountoneverynowandthen.

"Daddy!"Jennapointedtoawindowdisplay."BeanieBabies!CanIgoinsideto
seethem?"

"Sure,"Kirksaidfrombehindher."Takeyoursisterswithyouandwe'llwaitout
here."

Kirkpoppedthelastofhisconeinhismouth."Thatwasgood."

"Really?"Clairecouldn'tbelieveit."Itlookedlikeyouwereeatingtar."

"Tar."Kirkpretendedtoconsiderthenewtitle."Soundsinteresting.Maybeyou
couldputtherecipeinyour'CottageCooking'column."

Shepunchedhisarmlightly."Don'tmakefunofmycolumn."

Hislowerliprounded."Sensitive,arewe?"

Claireduckedherhead.Thatshelovedhercolumnasmuchasshedidseemed
silly,butshefeltenormoussatisfactionwhenshesawherfewshortparagraphs
andtheaccompanyingrecipesprintedeachweek,alongwiththetinyphotograph
thatDrewhadtakenofherlastThanksgiving.

Shehadn'ttoldanyone,butshecouldimagineprintingacookbookinafewyears.
TheCottageCookingCollection.She'dalwayswantedtowriteacookbook;this
couldbetheperfectopportunity.Kirkliftedthesideofhersunglassesand
inspectedher."Nowwhatareyouthinkingabout?"Healwaysbuggedherfornot
sharingherthoughts.Butthiscookbookideawasstillsonew."Nothing."

"Oh?"

Hishandonhersloosenedslightly,andshewonderedifshe'dimaginedtheicicles
hangingoffthatoneword.Shetightenedhergripandwasabouttoaskhimwhat
theproblemwas,whenshesawhewaswatchingsomeoneelse.

Glancingahead,shesawTereseandherdaughter,Lisa.Amomentlaterhergirls
hadspottedLisa,andsoonthefourofthemwerechattering."Hi,Terese."Kirk
steppedforward,smiling.He'dmetTereseafewtimesnow,althoughClaire
couldn'trememberifshe'dtoldhimTereseandGradyweredating.

"Hello,Kirk,Claire."Terese'susuallyfriendlysmilelookedalittlefiattoday.

"Enjoyingthesummer?"Claireasked,tryingnottofocusonTerese'stightly
cinchedbelt.Herwaistcouldn'tbetwentyinches.Onagrownwoman,thatwas
practicallyobscene.Shethought,withregret,ofthedouble-scoopedice-cream
coneshe'dallbutfinished.

"It'ssonicetospendthetimewithLisa,"Teresesaid."AndI'mdoingalittle
painting."

"Willyouhaveashowing?"Kirkasked.

"Oh,nothingasfancyasthat,"Teresesaidmodestly."Mallory'sofferedtoputupa
fewofmycanvasesinherstoretoseeifthere'sanyinterest.Infact,shehasone
inherwindownow."

"Thatwasyours?"KirkglancedatClaire.

Asthey'dpassedthestorethey'dadmiredthestarkcontrastofgraniterockand
ripplingwater.Clairehadfeltthetwoelementsweresomehowatwarinthe
picture.

"You'reverytalented,"shesaid,meaningit.

"Thanks.I'vealwayswantedthechancetopaintinlakecountry."

Unabletostopherself,Claireasked,"What'sGradyuptotoday?"

Tereseloweredhergaze.Oneblack-sandaledfootsteppedback."Actually,we
haven'tseenmuchofeachotherlately.I'vebeenbusywithLisaandpainting,and
Grady'sworkingonaspecialcustomorder."

Thenewsshouldhavecomeasarelief,buthowcouldanyonebegladatTerese's
obviousunhappiness?Heravertedeyeswereheavywithsorrow,andsomething
else.Resignation?

"Thegirlssureseemtogetalong,"Kirksaid,turningbacktowatchthefourof
themclimballoverthebenchwherethey'dsatwiththeiricecreamsearlier.

"Lisalovesyourdaughters,"Teresesaid,herlipscurlingupwardbriefly.

"Whydon'tyoubringheroverforlunchtomorrow."KirklookedatClaire."We
havenootherplans,dowe?"

"None.That'sagreatidea,"Clairesaid,asiftheimpromptuinvitationwerenotat
allunusual.Intruth,Kirkwasrarelytheonetoinstigatesocialgatherings;he
usuallylefttheentertainingscheduleuptoher.Maybehewasjusttryingtoavoid
spendingtimealonewithherbeforehehadtoleavetogobacktoToronto.

Oncethey'dsettledonwhenandClairehadagreedtoallowTeresetobringice-
creamtreatsforthegirlsbutnotdessertfortheadults,TereseandLisacontinued
withtheirerrandsandKirktuckedClaire'shandunderhisarm.

"Shelooksunhappy.Doyouthinkshe'slonely?"

Theystoppedoutsideastorewindow,watchingastheirgirlswentinsidetoadmire
anotherdisplayofsmallstuffedanimals.

"Quitepossibly."Claireoutlinedthefactsof

Terese'sromancewithGrady,thentheupsettingvisitfromherex-husband.

"Poorwoman.Whataburden.Isshetakinglegalactionagainsthim?"

"IknowGradydroveherovertothepoliceandtheygotacourtorderforhimto
stayaway."

"She'ssotiny…"Kirkshookhishead."Thatscarabovehereye…?"

Clairenodded."Apparently,hethrewheragainstthestoveonenight."

"AndthisromancethingwithGrady—isitoff,men?"

ClairethoughtbacktoTerese'sunhappyface,toGrady'srecentadmissionthat
thingswereatanimpassebetweenthem."I'mnotsure."

"It'snotlikeGradytobackawayfromawomanwhoneedshelp."

Wasn'tthatthetruth?"Maybehecanhelphermoreifhe'snotromantically
involved…"

Kirkpulledbackandscrutinizedher."Perhapsweshouldinvitehimtolunch,as
well."

"Really,Kirk.Playingmatchmakerisn'tyourstyle."

"CouldbeIhavemyreasons."

Claireconsidereditanoddthingforhimtosay,butshedidn'tgetachanceto
pursuethematterbecauseheimmediatelychangedthesubject.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

ThenextmorningClairewokeupbeforeanyoneelse—orsoshethoughtuntilshe
wentoutintothelivingareaandfoundthecouchempty,Kirk'sblanketsneatly
foldedonatrunktheykeptonthewindowwall.Slidingopenthepatiodoor,she
pulledherthinrobetoherchest,thenwalkedtotherailingandleanedover.

Kirkstoodpoisedattheedgeofthelowerdeck,handsraisedabovehisheadina
vee.Hewaswearinghisswimmingtrunks.Clairehadasecondtoadmirehiswell-
tonedbody.Hepushedoff,andhisbodypiercedthesurfaceofthelakewith
hardlyasplash.Foralongmomentheremainedsubmerged.

WhenhefinallycameupforairClairerealizedshe'dheldherbreathfromthe
momenthe'dgoneunder.

Shewatchedashestruckout,swimmingparalleltotheshore,untilhewasoutof
sightaroundabendintheland.Frompastexperience,sheknewhe'dbegonefor
atleastthirtyminutes.

Shesprawledonaloungechairandopenedherwraptothemorningsun.Itwas
goingtobeanotherhotday,butatthisearlyhourtheheatwasrtillpleasant
Closinghereyes,sheenjoyedthepeacefulness,andcontemplatedmenuchoices
forthelunchthey'dbeservinglaterintheday.

They'dgrillburgers—herownspecialblendwithlotsofgarlicandParmesan,and
she'dmakefcta-cheesebundlesforappetizers.WhenKirkcameback,she'dhave
tosendhimouttoaproducestandforfreshlettuceandtomatoesandsomefruit

fordessert…

Clairewasasleepontheloungechairontheupperdeck.Kirkpaused
momentarily,thenwalkedcloser.Hewascoolfromhisswim,andstillwet.He'd
forgottentotakeatowel.Nowhegrabbedoneofthegirls'beachtowelsfromthe
railingandusedittowipethewaterfromhisback.

AndallthewhilehewatchedClaire.

Shewassobeautifulanddefenselessinhersleep.Herlovelyhairwastousled,
herthincottonnightgownalmosttransparentinthesun.Hewasremindedofhow
she'dlookedlastSaturdaymorningwhenshe'dawokennakedintheirbed.He'd
feltsohopefulthen,especiallyafterthatfantasticbreakfastthey'dsharedinbed.

Thenhe'dmadethatstupidphonecall.Andshe'dassumedhewastalkingwith
Janice.Hecouldn'tbelievehowmuchknowingthathurt.Did

Clairereallybelievehecouldmakelovetohersothoroughly,onlytoturnhis
backtenminuteslaterandphoneanotherwoman?

He'dfelttheywereontheroadtohealing.Thenthathadtohappen.

"Areyoureallysurprised?"hemutteredashehungthetowelbackontherailing.
Wasn'therreactionexactlywhathedeserved?

Whyhadhedoneit?Witheachpassingdayhisactionsseemedmoreandmore
incredibletohim.Whathadhebeenthinking?Surehe'dhadfunwithJanice,but
wasthatfunworththepainhe'dcausedClaire?Thepotentialofsplittinguphis
family?Andhisownresultingunhappiness?

Worsewasthewayhenowfeltabouthimself.Asakid,he'dbeenashamedofhis
fatherforactinglikeafoolandleavingawonderfulwifetocavortwithawoman
twentyyearsyounger.Theaerobicsinstructorhadhungaroundonlylongenough
togetareasonabledivorcesettlement,andhisfatherhadbeenaloneafterthat.
He'ddiedearly,atsixty-two.

Kirkhadlovedhisfather,buthehadn'tadmiredthewayhe'dchosentolivehis
life.Hadn'thehimselfconsciouslychosenanotherroute?Yetsomehowhe'dtaken
asimilarwrongturn.Wasittoolate?WashisfuturewithClairelost?Wasstarting
anewlifewithouthertheonlychoicelefttohim?'

Gazingdownathissleepingwife,Kirkknewhedidn'twanttostartanewlife.He
wantedtostaywithClaire,growoldwithClaire.Hewantedtobebyherside
whentheirkidsgraduated,thenlaterwhentheymarriedandhadchildren.He
wantedlargefamilygatherings,andnoargumentsaboutwhetherChristmas
wouldbewithMomorDadthisyear.

Andhe'ddoanythinginhispowertomakeitallhappen.Ifhecould,he'drewrite
thepast,butsincethatwasn'tpossible,he'dofferthefuture.

IfClairegavehimanotherchance,he'dneverdisappointheragain.Howinhell,
though,washegoingtoconvinceherofthat?

Claire'sheadtwistedtotheside,outofthesun.Asecondlaterhereyesopened.
Shieldinghervisionwithanarm,shelookedathimsleepily.

"Didyouhaveagoodswim?"

"Verygood."Hesatontheedgeoftheloungechair,hishiplightlytouchingher
thigh.

Throughthegossamercotton,hesawtheshapeofherbreasts,thedarkcirclesat
theircenter.Hesuckedinair,thenpushedhischestoutwithonedeepbreath.
Andforcedhimselftoturnaway.

Ripplesglintedsilveronthelake.Theskyheldjustatintofblue,likean
aquamarine.

"Iwantyoutotrustmeagain,Claire."Godbuthismouthfeltdry."Doyouthink
youevercould?"

Claire'seyelidslowered.Sheproppedherselfonherelbows."You'reaskingfor
somethingyoualreadyhad.Ididtrustyou,Kirk.Andlookwhathappened."

"Itwasamistake,Claire.Areyousayingyoucan'tgivemeanotherchance?"He
wasafooltogooutonalimbwithaquestionlikethat,whentheanswerwassure
todevastatehim.

"Please,Claire."Hetookherhandandhelditbetweenbothofhis,alltooaware
ofwhathehadtoloseifshesaidno.

"Icouldtry,Kirk.Iamtrying.It'sjustsohard."Shepulledherselfupright,
leavingherhandinhis.

"Fairenough."Achance.Thatwasallheaskedfor.

GradyarrivedattheRidgewaycottageonhisboatshortlybeforenoon.Claire
followedtherestofherfamilydowntothedock,knowingthatthegirlswere
excitedfortheopportunitytodoalittleskiingandtubing.

TereseandLisaarrivedabouttwentyminuteslater.

"Wethoughtyou'dbedownhere,"Teresesaid,holdingLisa'shandasthey
descendedthestairsthatledfromthebackofthehousetowaterlevel."It'ssuch

agorgeousday."

Teresewaswearingapairofshortsoverherblackbikini,andLisahadona
darlingpinksundress,whichClairerecognizedfromMallory'sshop.Lisawasno
soonerbythewater'sedgethanshehadthatdresswhippedoverherhead,
revealingatwo-piecesuitmuchlikehermom's.

"CanIrideintheboat?"sheasked."Withtheothergirls?"

"Sure,sweetie,"Teresesaid."Justputyourlifejacketonsoyou'llbereadynext
timetheboatcomesround."

ClairepattedthechairbesideherforTerese,thenreachedintothecoolertooffer
herguestachoiceofcoldbeverage.

Tereseslippedoutofhershortsbeforesittingdown,theskinonhertummybarely
wrinklingwiththemaneuver.

"Thanks,thisisgreat."Teresepoppedthetaboffanorangesoda,tookaswallow,
thenhelpedLisawiththebucklesonthelifejacket."Who'souttherenow?"she
asked,castingalooktothelake.

"Kirk."He'dgottenupononeskionhisinitialattempt.Prettygoodforhisfirstski
ofthesummer."Andie'sgoingtotrynext.She'sthinkingofdroppingaski."

Andiewassittingontheedgeofthedock,hertoesdippedinthewater.Lisa
plunkeddownnexttoher."You'rebrave,"shesaid."Thatlooksscarytome."She
pointedatKirk,whowaspoisedataforty-five-degreeangletothewater,cutting
aturnbehindthewakeoftheboatasitheadedbacktoshore.

Gradywasatthewheel;JennaandDaisywereactingasspottersatthebackof
theboat.Thetwinshadplanswithfriends,Gradyhadtoldthem,thenwinkedand
addedgirlfriends.

"Justwaittillit'syourkids'turn,"he'dsaidtoKirk,andClairehadbeenamused
toseeherhusband'stanskingrowalittlepale.

Now,astheboattraveledparalleltothedock,Kirkletgooftheropeandsank
intothelake.Gradycuttheengineandcruisedincloser.

"Hey,Terese,"hecalledoutwithafriendlywave."Youmadeit.Andthere'sLisa.
Comingintheboat,sweets?"

"Youbet!"Lisaheldoutherhands,andwhentheboatwascloseenough,Grady
scoopedherintohisarms.

ClairenoticedTeresewatching,abittersweetexpressiononherface.

Meanwhile,Kirkhadpaddledbacktothedock,hisskiunderonearm.

"Goodski,Dad,"Andiesaid,leaningoverthewatertotaketheboardfromhim.

"Thanks,itwasfun."Helaughedashetreadedwater.HesaidhellotoTerese,
smiledatClaire,thenfacedhisdaughter."Yourturn,Andie."

"Iknow."Shesteppeddowntheladderslowly."Oh,it'ssocold,Daddy."

Insidetheboat,thethreeyoungergirlscheeredasAndiestruggledintotheskis
thatClairepassedtoKirk.KirkhelpedAndiegetintoposition,holdinghersteady
atthewaistasGradymovedtheboatforwardtostraightentherope.

"I'lldoonesmallcircle,Andie,"Gradycalledout,"menheadbacktothedock.
That'swhenyoushouldslipoutofyourskiifyouplantogiveitatoy."

Claireslidforwardtotheedgeofherseat.Andiewantedtodothissobadly.
Pleaseletherbesuccessful.

"Hitit!"Andieyelled,andtheboatsprangahead,towingherwithit.

"She'sup!"theyoungergirlscalledenthusiastically,andaspromised,Gradytook
theboatforafastjauntbeforeheadingbacktothedock.

ClaireheldherbreathasAndiecroucheddown,releasingherleftfoot.Theski
trailedbehind,andMlookedasthoughAndiewaskeepingherbalance.Then—
splash!—-shewentunder,theropeflyingaheadwithouther.

Clairewasstanding,herhandstohermouth."Oh,Andie…"

Cuttingpowerful,quickstrokes,Kirkswamouttohisdaughter.Afterabrief
consultationhewavedbacktoshore."She'sokay.Shewantstotryagain."

Andshedid.Asecondtime,thenathird.Finally,shetookarestwhileDaisyhad
aski,thentheyoungergirlswentforatuberide.

Onherfourthattempt,Andiemanagedtostayupfortwentyseconds.Onherfifth
shetumbledheadfirstintothewaterandcameupgasping.

"That'senough,"ClairetoldKirkashewaitedinthewater."She'sgottobe
exhaustedbynow.I'mgoinginsidetogetlunchstarted.Everyone'sprobably
starving."

Checkingherwatch,sherealizeditwasalreadytwo-thirty.Goodthingthey'dhad
abigbreakfast.Shehopedherguestshad,too.

Behindhersheheardtheboatcometoshore,thenGradyask,"Whataboutyou,
Terese?It'syourturnnow."

"I'mgoingtohelpClairewithlunch."

Clairepausedwhiletheotherwomancaughtupwithher."Feelfreetogofora
ski,"shesaid."There'snotthatmuchtodointhekitchen."

"No,Iwanttohelp,"Tereseinsisted.

Clairestartedthebarbecueonthedeck,thenwentinsidetoorganizethefixings
forburgerswhileTeresecutandbutteredbuns.

"Iseverythingokay,Terese?"sheaskedassheputoutadishofpickles.Itseemed
toherthatTerese'sexpressionwasevenmoredowncastthanithadbeen
yesterday.

"Isuppose."Terese'sshouldersrose,thensank,andsheputahandtoherface.
"Actually,notreally.IhadanotherphonecallfromEd—myex-husband."

"Didheasktoseehisdaughter?"

"No.Onthatpoint,atleast,I'mfortunate.Idon'thavetoworryaboutsharing
custodyorvisitationrights.EdneverdidliketohaveanythingtodowithLisa."

"That'ssosad."ClairepattedTerese'sshoulder.Shouldn'tchildrenbringacouple
closer?ThatwaswhatClairehadalwaysthought.Thatwasthewayithadworked
withherandKirk.

Orsoshe'dalwaysbelieved…

"Iknow,itissad.ButnowIwishhe'djustleaveusalone.Hewantsmetocome
backtohim,butwhenIremindedhimoftherestrainingorder,hegotangry,and
thenIhungup."Sheshookherhead."Ifitwasn'tforhavingLisa,I'dwishI'd
nevermethiminthefirstplace."

"Didyoutellthepoliceaboutthecall?"

"Iphonedthismorning.Theysaidthey'dgive''himawarning."Teresewipedaway
atear,thenreachedforatissuetoblowhernose."I'msorry.Ishouldn'tbe
botheringyouwithallthis."

"Please.Ifithelpstotalk,I'mgladtolisten."

"Mylifemustseemsostrangetoyou.Youhavesuchabeautifulhome,sucha
wonderfulhusband.Andyourgirlsaresocute."

Yes,Clairereflected.Thatwasherlife.Orhowitlookedfromtheoutside.

"Ihopeyoudon'tmindthatweinvitedGradytolunch,too.ItwasKirk'sidea,but

Idon'twanttomakeyouuncomfortable."

Teresehadwashedherhandsandwasnowbackslicingbuns."It'snoproblem,
Claire.Iguessyouknowweweredating.WhenEdturnedupatmyplace,heand
Gradygotintosuchaterriblerow.Ididn'tthinkitwasfairtoinvolveGradyinmy
problems.Especiallysincehehashissonstoworryabout.NotthatIthinkEd
wouldhurtWarrenandTaylor.Butthen,IneverthoughthewouldhurtLisaor
me,either."

"Icanseeyourpoint."Claireputthefeta-cheeseappetizersshe'dmadeearlier
intotheovenandponderedwhatTeresehadsaid,howcloselyitmirroredherown
opiniononthesituation.

Onlynow,seeingTerese'svulnerability,shefeltastabofshame.Thewomanhad
beenthroughalot,wascontinuingtosuffer.Howlongwouldshehavetopayfor
herex-husband'sbehavior?

Anotheroneofthose"noeasyanswer"situations.Clairesighed,thenopenedthe
fridgeandpulledoutthetrayofburgerpatties.

"I'mgoingtoputtheseonthegrill."

Whenshecameback,Teresewasfinishedwiththebunsandwaswashingupthe
fewdishes.

"Ican'tgetthetaptostopdripping."

"Iknow."Clairepresseddownonthehandle,tonoavail."Ihavetohavethat
fixed…Lisasureseemedkeentotrywaterskiing."

"Thatkidisfearless."Terese'ssmilewashalfproud,halfrueful."Andeversince
shelearnedtotalk,she'sneverhesitatedtosayexactlywhat'sonhermind."

ClairethoughtofAndie."Well,thatcanbeagoodthing."

"Sometimes.Butitcanalsobeembarrassing.LastweekshetoldGradyshe
wantedhimtobeherdaddy."

"Yes,well,kidssaythingslikethat."

"I'mjustworriedshe'sbecometooattachedtohim.Wherewouldshehavegotten
anidealikethat,doyouthink?"

"Well,Lisa'sdadisoutofthepicture,andGradyiswonderfulwithkids…"

"I'llsay."Tereseusedbothhandstobrushhershorthairbackfromherface,men
stoodstillforamoment."ItwasapleasuredealingwithhimwhenWarrenand

Taylorwerehavingthoseproblemsatschool.Iwishallparentswerewillingto
givetheirkidsthatmuchtimeandattention."

ClaireconsideredKirk,andhispatienceashe'dhelpedAndieinthewaterthat
morning.He'dneverhadasmuchtimetospendwithhischildrenasGradydid,
butwhenhewasaround,hewasagoodfather.

Perhapsshe'dbeenunfairalltheseyearstoexpectmore.Kirknevercouldhave
achievedhissuccessasastockbrokerifhe'dworkedthehoursthatGradydid.
Shewouldwillinglytradesomeofthatsuccessforhisspendingmoretunewith
thechildren.ButthatchoicewasKirk'stomake.

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

"WhatdoyouthinkitwouldtaketogetyoutotrustKirkagain?"RivaSharp
askedClaireduringhercounselingsessionthatTuesday.

RivahadrequestedthatClaireandKirkcometoherseparatelyforafewweeks.
Todealwithafewoftheirownissues.Clairewasimpatientwiththeidea.Wasn't
thepointtoworkonthemarriage?Didn'ttheyneedtobetogetherforthatto
happen?

"I'mnotsure,Riva,"shesaid,smoothingdownthefrontofhersundress.Her
bellywasexpandingdailynow,aconstantreminderofthenewlifedeveloping
insideher.

HerdoctorinTorontohadmadearrangementswithageneralpractitionerherein
Barrie,andClairehadadoctor'sappointmentafterhersessionwithRiva.Claire
wouldhavebeenhappytoskipthemonthlyappointments—she'dsailedthrough
herfirstthreepregnanciesandsawnoreasontoworryaboutthisone—-buther
doctorhadconvincedher.

"You'llneedtogetsomebloodworkdone."he'dsaid."Plusatyourageyoureally
shouldconsideranamniocentesis."

Thathadbeenamonthago.Somehowshestillhadn'tbroachedthesubjectwith
Kirk,eventhoughsheknewtherisksforcertainabnormalitiessuchasDown's
syndromeandspinabifidawerehigherforwomenoveragethirty-five.

Butwhatpressedmoreonhermindwaswhetherthischildwouldbebornintoa
happyfamily—oranewlydividedone.

"Haveyougiventhematteroftrustanythought?"

"Well,ofcourseI'vegivenitthought."Thatdidn'tmeanshe'dcometoany
resolution.

Rivaleanedbackinherchairandslippedhalfglassesfromherface.

"HowisKirkgenerally?Doesheflirtwhenhe'saroundotherwomen?Ishe
secretiveaboutwherehe'sgoingandwhathe'sdoing?Inotherwords,isthis
thingwithhisco-workeranaberration?Orisitpartofapatternofbehavior?"

"Anaberration,"Clairesaidquickly.Thenrealizedwhatthecounselorhadso
cleverlyaccomplished.Shelaugheddrylyandfinallyhadtotipherhattothe
womanacrossfromher.

"Iseewhereyou'regoingwiththis.YouthinkKirkdeservesasecondchance."

"Ican'tsaywhat'srightforanotherperson.Everyonehasherlimittowhatshe
canandcannotlivewith.Ifyou'regoingtostaymarried,youdon'thaveto
forgiveKirk,butyoudohavetogetpastthisthingwiththeco-worker.Youhave
toseeitforwhatitis.Ananomaly."

"Thatsoundssological.EspeciallywhenIthinkaboutmychildren…"Rivanodded.

"Butit'shard."ClairetoldheraboutthephonecallthemorningaftersheandKirk
hadmadelove."Idon'twanttospendmyMewonderingwhatmyhusbandis
sayinganddoingwhenI'mnotaround.Thethingis,thenexttimeIwalkinon
himtalkingonthephone,I'mnotsureIwon'thavetheexactsamereaction."

"Iunderstandcompletely,Claire.WouldithelpifItoldyouthattrustdoesreturn?
Gradually,I'lladmitAndonlyifbothpartiesareworkinghardtorepairthe
damage."

"Pleasedon'ttellmeanaffaircanmakeamarriagestronger.I'vereadthatin
someoftheliterature,andI'msorry,butIdon'tbuyit."

"Nottheaffairitself,"Rivaagreed."Buttheself-examinationthatfollowsit."She
slippedherglassesononcemore,checkedhernotes,thenlookedatClaireagain.

"Thinkbackseveralyears,Claire.Say,towhenyouryoungestdaughterwasthree
orfour.Whatwasyourmarriagelikethen?Wereyoucompletelysatisfiedwithit?
DoyouthinkKirkwas?"

Oh,thatwasatoughone.Claireleanedforward,coveringherfacewithher
hands.Twoorthreeyearsago…

"Notcompletelysatisfied,no…"sheadmitted,wishingshecouldsayotherwise.
"Kirk'slonghoursatworkwerealwaysapointofcontentionbetweenus.Often,
I…"

"Yes?"

Clairehadbeenabouttosaythatshe'dsometimeswonderedifshe'dmadea
mistakeinmarryingKirk.Anambitious,successfulbusinessmanmightseema
wonderfulcatchtomanywomen,yetoccasionallyshe'dwonderedwhatherlife
wouldhavebeenlikeifthingshadworkedoutdifferentlybetweenherandGrady.

ButwhatdidanyofthathavetodowithKirk'srelationshipwithJanice?Withher
abilitytotrusthimagain?

Clairescannedthenow-familiarroom—thecrowdedbookshelves,thetidydesk,
theopenwindow.Shethoughtofherchildren,thewaythey'dalllaughedthat
morningwhenJennahadputadollopofKirk'sshavingcreamonherhairby
mistake,thinkingitwasmousse.Shethoughtofherparents,andtheirhabitof
holdinghandswhenevertheywalkedtogether.AndshethoughtofKirk,howhe'd
caughtandheldhergazewhenhe'dsaidgoodbye.

"Youweresaying…"Rivaprompted.

Claireblinked,andlookedbackatthecounselor.Whathadtheybeentalking
about?Herthoughtstadfragmented.

"I'mnotsure,"shesaid."I'mjustnotsure."

"Howdidthingsgo?"MalloryaskedlaterintheafternoonwhenClairearrivedto
pickupthekids.Shewasstandingatthekitchentable,foldingaloadofAngel's
cleandomes.

"Notbad."Clairesetherpursedownonthecounterandwenttothetabletohelp.
ShepickedupaT-shirtandsmoothedoutthewrinkleswithherhand.

"Wetalkedabouttrust."Shesighed.ThesessionwithRivaSharphadunsettled
her,asusual,andshewasn'treadytotalkaboutit."ThenIwenttomy
appointmentwiththedoctor."

"And?Howwaseverything?Isthebabyokay?"

"Justfine.Fetalheartrateisnormal.Myweightgainiswithintheacceptedrange
—sofar—andmybloodpressureisexcellent,too."

Thedoctorhadalsopressedhertomakeanappointmentforheramnioassoonas
possible.Regardlessoftheresultsofthetriple-screenbloodtestthey'dtaken,he
wasrecommendingtheprocedure.

"Notimetolose,"hestressed."You'reinyourseventeenthweek."

ClairescribbledamentalnotetodiscusstheprocedurewithKirkwhenhecalled
herthatevening."IsawthegirlsinthebackyardasIwascomingin.Didthey
behavethemselvesforyou?"

"They'vebeenfine,keepingAngelamusedwhileIcatchuponthelaundryfrom
ourweekendinOttawa.Whydopeoplealwaysgothroughmoreclothingwhen
they'reonvacationthanwhenthey'reathome?"

"Tellmeaboutit.IdefinitelyspendmoretimeatthewashingmachinethanIdo
onthedeckwhenwe'reatthecottage.Thegirlschangeaboutthreetimesaday.
Thenthereareallthosebeachtowels…Bytheway,howwasyourholiday?"

"Lovely.I'mgladDrewdecidednottosellhisplace.It'ssobeautifulinthe
Gatineaus,Claire."

HavingfinishedthelastofAngel'sclothing,Malloryputthelaundrybasketdown
onthefloor."OnemorethingIshouldprobablymention…"

"Yes?"

"AndieaskedifDrewandIsleptinthesamebedwhenIwaspregnantwith
Angel."

"Oh?"ClairethoughtabouttheblanketsonthecouchwheneverKirkcameupfor
theweekend."Oh!"

"ItakeityouandKirk…?"

Clairerubbedherforeheadwithherpalm."Thecounselorsaidweshouldtryto
keeplifenormalforthesakeofthechildren.Butsleepingtogether…SofarI
haven'tbeenabletodoit."

ExceptforthatonenightinToronto,whichhadbeensowonderful.UntilKirk
madethatphonecall.Clairehaddonealotofthinkingaboutthat,nottomention
discussingthesituationwithRiva.

Perhapsshe'dbeentoosuspicious.Butwhenshe'dheardhisvoice,warmandlow
—andespeciallythatword,sorry—hermindhadautomaticallyjumpedtoJanice.

"WhatdidyoutellAndiewhensheaskedthequestion?"

"Thatsometimespregnantwomensleepaloneifthey'refeelinguncomfortable."

Yes,somepregnantwomendid.Sheneverhad,though.Untilnow.Andthe
reasonssheandKirksleptaparthadnothingtodowithherpregnancy.ButClaire
didn'twantherdaughtertoknowthat.

thatevening,aftertheyoungerchildrenwereinbed,ClaireaskedAndieifshe'd
liketoplayMonopoly.Andiepulledouttheoldboardgameandsetthepiecesup
onthekitchenendofthepinetable.

"Youbethebanker,"Clairesaid.

"Justtryingtogetmetodomoremath,aren'tyou?"

"Youbet."Clairegotaplateofbrowniesandtwolargeglassesofmilkforthemto
snackonastheyplayed.Thegamehadbeengoingonformorethananhour,
whenthephonerang.

Claireglancedatthecardshe'djustpulledfromthestackatthecenterofthe
board."Oh,no.Ihavetogotojailagain."Shemovedhermarkertothecorner
square,thenwenttothephone."Hello?"

"Claire."

Kirk'svoicerumbledinherear,andeventhoughshe'dbeenexpectingtohear
fromhim,shefeltherheartpoundinherchest.

"Howdidyoursessiongotoday?"

ClairereflectedonherhourwithRiva.Whydidshealwaysfeelsoambiguous
abouttheirconversations?

"Iguessitwentokay."Findingoutthatsomepeoplewereabletotrustagainafter
goingthroughexperienceslikehersandKirk'shadbeenencouraging.Nowthebig
questionwaswhethershewouldbeoneofthosepeople.

"That'sgood.Andtheappointmentwiththedoctor?"

"Thatwentwell,too."Clairethoughtabouttheamniocentesis,butshedidn'twant
todiscussitwithAndielistening.Itwouldonlygiveherdaughteronemorething
toworryabout.

"Great!IgoformyappointmentwithRivatomorrow.IfyouwantI'llcall…"

"Yes,"shesaidquickly."Thatwouldbefine,butlater."

"Whenthekidsareinbed?Sowecantalk?"

"Exactly."

"Speakingofwhich,howaretheydoing?DidtheyhaveafundayatMallory's?"

"Yes.TheyplayedsohardtheywereexhaustedwhenIgotthemhome.Jennafell
asleepatthedinnertableandDaisywasn'tfarbehindher.Andie'sstillup,
whippingmeatMonopoly.Doyouwanttospeakwithher?"

Andietookthephone."Hi,Daddy.She'slettingmewin,asusual."

Clairepretendedtolooksurprised.Who?Me?shemouthed,whichmadeAndie
smile.

Clairesmiledback,butinrealityshefeltalittlesad.When,exactly,hadher
daughterlearnedtoseethroughhersoeasily?

thenextmorning,Kirkstrodeofftheelevatortowardthecurvedcherry-wood
deskwhereTara,thereceptionist,wasspeakingonthephone.Shesmiledand
heldouthiscopyoftheNationalPost."Thanks,Tara."Heglancedattheheadline.
Badnewsabouttheunemploymentrate.Withatwistofhishand,heopenedthe
doortothesecuredarea,walkedpastthecagewheretraderswouldbeprocessing
markettransactionsinaboutanhour,thenfollowedthecorridortohislarge
comeroffice.

Thetrappingsofsuccess.Hispersonalassistant,Greer,who'dbebringinginhis
coffeeanymoment;anexpensivelyappointedoffice,withsofa,chairsandcoffee
tableforentertainingclientsandahellofaviewofLakeOntario—ifyou
overlookedtheseaofofficetowersthatcamebeforeit.

True,merewasthatemptyspaceonthewalloppositehim—theabstracthe'd
boughtafewmonthsagohadn'tsuitedhimafterall—buthe'dfillthegapsoon.
Hewasthinkingofhavingafamilyphotographtakenafterthebabywasborn.

Assumingtheywerestillafamilythen…

KirkturnedonhiscomputerandwasjustloggingonwhenGreercameinwithhis
coffee.

"Goodmorning."

"Thanks,Greer."Shewhiskedinandoutsofastallhecaughtwasabluroffloral
fabricandawhiffofherperfume.Buttherewashismug,ontheceramiccoaster
AndiehadmadeforFather'sDaywhenshewasingradeone.Hereachedforthe
handleautomaticallyastheStarquotesfromtheTorontoStockExchangecameup
onhisscreen.

Hesippedthecoffee.Hot,strong,freshlybrewed.FullpointstoGreer,asusual.

FirstKirkcheckedthecurrentbidandaskpricesonastockhe'dpurchasedfor
severalofhisclientsyesterday.Uptencents.Well,thatwasagoodsigntheprice
wouldclimb,eventhoughthemarketwouldn'tbeopenuntilnine-thirty.He
glancedathiswatch.Inanotherforty-fiveminutes.

Afterremovinghisreadingglassesfromhisbreastpocket,heslippedthemon,
thenbreezedthroughthepaperwhilehefinishedhiscoffee.Fifteenminuteslater,
helistenedtohisvoice-mailmessages.

Generally,helovedthisfirsthouroftheday,beforethemarketsopenedandthe
floodofclientphonecallsbegan.Heneededthetimetoclearhismind,tofocus
ontheprioritiesoftheday.Moreandmore,administrativemattersandoffice
politicswereintrudingonhiswork.Naturalfalloutfromthekindofsuccesshe'd
earnedhihismanyyearswiththefirm.

Here,everyonevaluedhisopinion;hisbusinessacumenhadwonhimrespectand
admiration.Awareofthenaturalpitfallsofbeingastockbroker,he'dconsciously
steeredclearoftroubleinhiscareer,oftenwalkingawayfromsituationsoffering
aquickprofitwhenhesensedtheunderlyingeconomicsweresuspect.

Theresultwasareputationforintegrityandacumen.He'dworkedhardtoearnit.
HejustwishedthatitmeantadamntoClaire.

Sheseemedtotaketheirhealthyincome,theirsubstantialinvestmentportfolio
forgranted.Asfortheworkhedid,sherarelyaskedquestionsandneverfocused
longwhenhebroughtthesubjectup.Ifhetoldheraboutagreatdealhe'd
closed,sheusuallysaidsomethinglike"That'sgreat,Kirk.Doyouthinkyoucould
comebyDaisy'sschoolforherdancerecitaltomorrowatthree?"

Inhereyeshewasafailure.Becausehecouldn'talwaysmakeitforthose
recitals,parent-teacherinterviewsandstudentperformances,whichshe
structuredherMearound.

KirkpickedupaframedphotoofthethreegirlsshotlastChristmas.Lord,howhe
missedthem.Hecouldn'trememberfeelingthislonelyothersummers.Maybe
becauseotheryearshehadn'tbeenfacingthepossibilityoflosingthemforever.

Exceptforeveryotherweekendandacoupleweeks'holidayeachyear.

Itwouldn'tbeenough.Evenonthosenightsthathecamehometoolatetotuck
themin,hesleptbetterknowingtheywereallunderthesameroof.Theywerea
family.And,byGod,hewantedtodoeverythinginhispowertokeepthemthat
way.

"Kirk?"

Startled,heproppedthephotobackonhisdeskandlookedup.Janice.Oh,hell.

"Howareyoudoing?"sheasked,closingthedoorandleaningbackagainstit.

Shewastannedfromherholidayandhadonanavydresswithadeepveeneck,
andimpossiblyhighheels.ThekindClaireclaimedhadbeeninventedtohobble
womensotheycouldn'trunawayfromthementheyattractedbywearingthose
shoes.

"I'mfine,Janice.You?"Theyhadn'tspokensinceshe'dcomebacktowork.He

stoodandwenttoopenthedoor.

Shelookedathimquestioningly,andhethoughtaboutwhatheandthemarriage
counselorhadtalkedaboutyesterday.

"Doyouloveyourwife,Kirk?"she'daskedhim.

Noquestionhedid.

"Thenyou'vegottoearnbackhertrust."

"Yes.Buthow?"

She'dnailednunwiththatlevelheadedlookofhers."Bybeingtrustworthy."

Yes.Itwasthatsimple.Andthatcomplicated.

"Idon'tthinkClairewouldappreciateustalkinginherewiththedoorclosed,"he
saidnow,explaininghisactiontoJanice.

"Idon'tgetthis,"shesaidinahushedvoice,hereyesloweringdefensively."I
knowyousaidthingshadtochangebetweenus.Butwhataboutourfriendship?
I'vecometoreallycountonyou,Kirk.AndImissourtimetogether."

"Wecan'tbefriendsanymore,Janice.Itwouldn'tberight."

"Butwhy?"

Didshereallynotgetit?"Clairehastocomefirst.She'smywife,afterall.I
wouldn'tblameherforbeingangryatseeingustogether."Hesteppedbacktohis
desk."Ithinkyououghttogobacktowork,Janice."

"Youareaheartlessbastard."

Thefeelingbehindthewordsgavehimaquiverofconscience.Hehadn'tmeantto
hurtJanice.Perhapshecouldhavebeenkinder.Perhapshecouldhavesoftened
theblow.Butinstincttoldhimblunthonestywastheonlyway.Andthesoundof
Claire'ssobswasnowindeliblyetchedinhisconscience.

"I'msorryifyou'reunhappy.ButthemistakeImade,themistakewebothmade,
wasinlettingourfriendshipgetoutofhandinthefirstplace.Callingitquitsnow
istheonlyrightthingtodo.Forbothofus.Youneedtomeetamanwhocangive
youhiswholeheart.That'swhatyoudeserve,Janice.AndIneedtothinkofmy
wife."

Janiceflinchedatthewordwife,thensteppedforwarduntilshewascloseenough
thathecouldhearherwhisper."Ican'tkeepworkingatthisfirmifwearen't
together."

Helookeddownathisdesk,attheblotterthatprotectedthesmooth,polished
wood.Janiceleavingwasthebestthinghecouldhopefor.Itwouldhelpgive
Clairepeaceofmindthattheaffairwastrulyover.Still,hecouldn'taskherto
quit.

"That'syourdecision,"hesaidfinally.Janiceleanedincloser."Isthatallyouhave
tosay?"

Hedidn'tevenhavetothink."Absolutely."

CHAPTERNINETEEN

“Justaworn-outwasher,”Gradysaid,leaningoverClaire'skitchensink.

Theconstantplip-plopfromthefaucethadbeendrivinghercrazyallweek,but
she'dbeenwaitingforKirktocomehometofixit.Shewasreallyanxiousforhim
toarrive—hadbeensincethephonecallthisafternoonwiththeresultsofher
bloodtest.

Butofcoursehewouldn'tbehereforhours.AndbythenGradywouldhavethe
faucetrepaired.

"Inoticedthisdrippingduringlunchlastweekend,"hesaid,unscrewingthetop.
"Itwilltakeonlyaminutetoreplace."Hekneltbyhistoolbox,searchedforafew
moments,thenstood,shakinghishead."Musthaveleftthosewashersinthe
Jeep.I'lljustbeasec."

ClairegotacoldbeeroutofthefridgeandopeneditforGrady.Shepausedwhen
shecaughtAndiestaringupfromhermathworkbook.She'dbeenonhersecond
pageforthedaybuthaddroppedherpenciltheminuteGradywalkedtothedoor.
Sofarshehadn'tpickeditupagain,eventhoughGradyhadtriedtoteaseher
intoit.

"WhattimewillDaddybehere?"

Clairedidn'tneedtochecktheclock."Youknowheusuallydoesn'tarriveuntil
afterdark,hon.Whenyouandyoursistersarealreadyasleep."

Andiescowled,butbeforeClairecouldaskwhatwaswrong,Gradyhadreturned.
Sheheardhimstompontheoutsidethat,thenhepushedthedooropen.

"FoundjustwhatIneed.And,Andie?"Hegrinnedatthegirlwhohadn'tspared
himsomuchasasmilesincehe'dwalkedinfifteenminutesago."IthinkIhear
yourdad'scardrivingdownthelane."

"Really?"Andiepushedbackherchairandrushedout.DaisyandJenna,who'd

beenplayingwithBarbiedollsbythepatiodoors,wererightbehindher.

ClaireshruggedapologeticallyatGradyforherdaughter'srudeness,thenlooked
atherwrist.Onlyfive-thirty.Kirkmusthaveleftworkveryearly.Sheglanced
intothemirroronthewallbythedoorandnotedthepinkhihercheeks.Her
heartwaspoundingridiculouslyfastforawomanabouttogreetamanshe'dbeen
marriedtoforoveradecade.Whatwasthebigdeal?

ButhavinghimhomesoearlyonaFridaywassuchatreat.Hemusthavemissed
them.Ormaybejustthegirls…

"Goon,"Gradyteased."Runoutthedoorandsayhello.Icanseeyou'redying
to."

"I'llletthegirlshavethefirstchance.Hopefully,he'llstillbestandingonce
they'vefinishedthen-ambush."Clairepushedherhairbehindherears,then
peeredovertheledgethatactedasaminibacksplashtothesinkandinspected
hiswork.

"Isthattheoldscreen?"sheasked,spyingaflatcirculardiskonthecounter.

"Yeah.Allpluggedup.Youdefinitelyneededanewone,soIreplacedbothitand
thewasher."Withnimblefingers,Gradybegantoscrewthetapbacktogetherjust
asthefrontdoorwasflungopen.

Kirkstoodaloneinthedoorway,stillwearinghissuitfromtheoffice.Heleveled
hiseyesatClaire,andrightawaysheknewsomethingwaswrong.

Clairestraightenedandlookedbehindhim."Wherearethegirls?"

TherewasadangerousstillnesstoKirk'sexpressionasheclosedthedoor
deliberatelybehindhim.Notjustthescreendoorbutthewoodenone,too.

Hedidn'tanswerherquestion,justdroppedhisweekendbag,thentookafew
stepsforward.

Claire'sfeelingofuneaseescalated.WhywasheignoringGrady?Hemusthave
seentheJeepoutfront,andbynowhewouldhavenoticedGradystandingbythe
sinkinthekitchen.

Buthisgazefocusedonherasthoughsheweretheonlyoneintheroom.And
stillhedidn'ttalk.

Feelingawkward,Clairebegantochatter."Gradystoppedonhiswayhomefrom
worktofixthefaucet.Won'titbenicenottohavetolistentothatstupiddripping
allthetime?"

"Icouldhavefixedit,"Kirksaidfinally,takinganothercoupleofsteps.Allofa
suddenClairewasgladthecounterseparatedthetwomen.Sherecognizedthe
graniteedgetoKirk'sdarkgrayeyesnow.Hewasabouttolosehiscool.Itdidn't
happenoften,butwhenitdid…

"Hey,"Gradysaid,flashingasmile."I'msureyoucould,Kirk.Butitwasno
troubleformetocomeouthere.Afterall,it'sonlyafewmiles."

"True,"Kirksaid."Makesmewonder,though.Howmanytimesaweekdoyou
generallydropintovisitmywife?"

Claire'smouthwentslack.Nowshewastheonewhocouldn'tfindwords.DidKirk
realizewhathewasimplying?

"Comeon,Kirk."TherewasacautiousnotebehindGrady'sgood-humoredtone.
"What'sgottenintoyou?"

AsGradysteppedoutfrombehindthekitchencounter,Clairemovedforward
quickly.Shehadafeelingshe'dbetterkeepthesetwoapart.SheturnedtoKirk,
hopinghe'drealizehowridiculouslyhewasbehaving.

"Grady'sagoodfriend.Heandhissonsarewelcomehereanytime.Right?"

ShelookedatKirk,waitingforhimtoconfirmtheinvitation.Whateverweirdness
hadgottenintohimtoday,heneededtogetitundercontrol.Andquick.

Butshewasn'tencouragedbythesardonicexpressionthatglimmeredinhiseyes
ashespoke."Oh,sure,Claire.Grady'ssogoodwithkids,sohandywithrepairs.I
seewhyyou'dwanttohavehimaround.Maybeevenmorethanyourhusband."

"What?"She'dneverheardKirktalkthiswaybefore.Itwascrazy,and
embarrassing…SheeyedGrady,shakingherheadapologetically.

"Idon'tknowwhat'sup,Kirk,"hesaid."YouknowIthinktheworldofClaire,but
youcan'tseriouslybelievethere'sanythinggoingon…"

"Oh?"Kirksteppedsideways,blockingGrady'spath."Can'tI?"

"Hell."GradyglancedbackatClaire,whowastoooverwhelmedtospeak,then
sworeagain,moresoftly."Maybethings'dbealotclearerifImadealittle
confession."

Kirk'schinroseanotch."Thatsoundslikeagoodidea."

"Iaminlove,Kirk.SomuchthatIcanhardlythinkstraight.AndIsureashell
can'tsleepatnight.ButI'mnotinlovewithClaire.It'sTerese."

Forthefirsttime,hesitationsparkedinKirk'seyes,andGradypushedhis
advantage.

"Couldn'tyoutellhowIfeltaboutherlastweekend?Itwasprettyobvious."

Kirkregardedthetwoofthem,measuring,calculating.Afteramoment,thehard
setofhismoutheasedandhebackedawayfromthedoor.

"Yeah.Inoticed."HemetGrady'sgaze."IguessIwasoutofline."

"That'sokay.You'vebeenunderpressure.Believeme,Iunderstand."Grady
pattedKirkontheshoulderasheheadedforthedoor.Beforeleaving,helooked
backatClaire.

“Thanksforthebeer.''

Clairewassoembarrassedshecouldhardlymeethiseyes."Thanksf-forthe
faucet…"

Whenthedoorhadclosed,Claireturnedtoherhusband,herembarrassment
flaringintoanger.Gradywasagoodguy;heprobablywouldn'tholdthisagainst
Kirk.Butshewasn'tasforgiving.Herhandstightenedintofists,andshetooka
deepbreath,hardlyknowingwheretostart.

"Thatwasinsane,Kirk."

Tohergreatconsternation,Kirkdidn'tlooktheslightestbitabashed.Hethrewhis
overnightbagonthecouch,thenfacedher,handsonhiships,feetplanted
shoulder-widthapart.

"Wasit?"hesaid,histoneashardastheexpressiononhisface.

Clairehadneverfeltfrightenedofherhusbandbefore.Now,forthefirsttime,she
did,andtheemotionhadabitter,uglytang."WhywouldyouthinkGradyandI—"

"Why?"ThewordblastedfromKirk'smouth."Haveyoueveraskedyourselfhow
youfeelaboutGrady?Howyoureallyfeel.'CausefromwhereIstandyou
practicallyworshiptheguy.Ifyouhadhalftheadmirationformethatyouhave
forhim…"

Kirkstrodetothefireplace,wherehepickedupthepokerandslashedatthecold
ashes."Grady'ssuchawonderfulfather,suchamodelhusband.Alwayshomefor
dinner,alwaystheretohelpwiththekids.Isn'tthatwhatyoureallywant,Claire?
Isn'tittruethatI'vebeenabigdisappointmenttoyou?"

Shewasblownawaybytheruthlessnessofhisconclusion."That'snotafair
comparison."

"Maybenot."Kirkwithdrewthepoker,allowedittohangbyhisside."Butyou're
theonewho'salwaysmakingit.Whydidyoumarrymeinthefirstplace?You
knewIwasambitious.YouknewwhatIwanted."

Yes,she'dknown,andadmiredhimforit.

"Iwassecondchoice,wasn'tI?YoureallywantedGrady,buthewasalready
marriedtoBess.Isn'tthatafact,Claire?"

"Thisisridiculous."Clairewantedtoputherhandsoverherears."Ifyouthink
youcandeflectattentionfromyouraffairbypointingafingeratme…"

Shewhirledaroundandheadedforthebedroom,butpausedattheendofthe
hall."Ihaveneverbeenunfaithfultoyou."

"Isthatright?"Kirkthrewdownthepoker,andClairewincedasitthuddedonthe
pinefloor."Maybenotindeed,"hesaid.

AngerbuzzedinClaire'shead.Shecouldn'tthinkanymoreshewassofurious.
"Don'ttrytotwistthisonme.You'retheonewhohadanaffair.You'retheone
whobrokeourweddingvows.Youfellinlovewithher."

"Andaren'tyoustillinlovewithGrady?Evenjustalittle?"

"No."Sheturnedherback.Hecouldn'ttalktoherthisway.Shedidn'tdeserve—

"IadmitwhatIdidwaswrong,"Kirksaid,hisvoicequieter,butsomehowcolder
forit."ButatleastI'vemadeanefforttobehonest.Maybeit'stimeyoudidthe
same."

Kirkwaswrong,wrong,wrong!Shewasn'tinlovewithGrady.Sure,shehada
softspotforhim.

Wasn'tthatnormal?Didn'tmostwomenfeelthatwayabouttheirfirstlove?

Clairepacedthelengthofherbedroom,pausingtopunchsomeairinherpillows,
beforepacingsomemore.Tenminuteslatersheheardatentativeknock.

"Leaveyourmotheralone.She'sresting."Kirk'svoicegrowledfromsomewherein
themainlivingareaofthecottage.Whoeverwasatthedoorretreated.

Afterhalfanhour,Clairewasbeginningtofeellikeacagedanimal.Butshe
couldn'tgoout;shewastooafraidofstartingasceneinfrontoftheirdaughters.
Eventually,sheheardsomesoundsinthekitchen,thenthesmellofcooking.
Eggs,maybe?Andsomethingelse…

Therewasasecondknockonherdoor.ClaireopeneditandfoundAndiewitha

trayoffood:creamedeggsonwaffles;acupoftea,withaslicedlemononme
saucer.

"You'dbettereatthis,"Andieordered."Dadwenttoalotoftroubleforyou."

Clairecouldn'tmeetherdaughter'seyes."Thankyou,Andie."

Afterthedoorclosed,Clairesatontheedgeofherbedwiththetrayonher
knees.Hergutwasstillburningwithangerandpain;eatingseemedimpossible.
Yetshedidn'tdarereturnthetraywiththefooduntouched.

Thefirstbitewasastruggle,butthemealwentdownmoreeasilythanshewould
havethoughtThisbabywantedtobefed,shedecided,regardlessofthestateof
itsmother'smentalhealth.Claireshookoffthethoughtofthosedamnblood
tests.Herbabywasnormal.Shejustknewit.

Theteawassoothingagainsttherawnessofherthroat.Clairecuppedthemug
withbothhandsandtriedtofocusonpleasant,calmingthings.Sheimaginedshe
wasfloatingonthelake,risingandfallingwiththegentleswellofthewaves.
Soon,hertremblingstoppedandheranxietyeased.Bythetimeshe'dfinished
thetea,ameasureofequanimityhadreturned.Shecrawledunderthecoversand
sleepcamequickly.

Whensheawoke,itwasmorning.Theroomwashot,theairstill,andherhead
feltlikeastone.Sheglancedaround,noticedthetrayfromlastnighthadbeen
removed,thenclosedhereyestorestforanotherminute—andfellbackasleep.
Aboutanhourlatershewokeagain,thistimewithherheadfeelingalittlelighter.

Shepulledonmaternityshortsandanewhand-paintedT-shirtfromMallory's
shop.Whensheopenedthebedroomdooritwastoaquiet,desertedhouse.A
notewasproppedupagainstthefaucet.

Thenon-drippingfaucet.

Claire,we'vegonewaterskiingwiththeHogans.Andiewantstotrydroppingaski
again.Don'tworryaboutdinner.I'llmakeitwhenIgethome.

Kirk

Clairestaredatherhusband'ssignature,thenrereadthenote.Therewas
certainlynosignofanyregretinthosebriefsentencesforthepreviousday's
argument.ButhewasgoingoutontheboatwithGrady.Thatmeanthemust
havecalledandapologizedforyesterday'sscene.Sheintendedtoaddherown
apologyinshortorder.

However,therewassomeoneelsesheneededtoseefirst.

Clairebakedadoublebatchofherfamily'sfavoritecookies,thenhadtwo,plus
somefruitsaladandaglassofmilk,forbreakfast.Whenshewasfinishedandthe
kitchentidyoncemore,shepackagedupthecookies,mengrabbedthekeysto
thevan.

Somuchhadgonehaywirethissummeritseemedanimpossibletasktosort
everythingout.ButifhermarriagetoKirkwasgoingdownthedrain,shewasn't
abouttopullanyotherhappyrelationshipsalongwithit.

Drivingdownthetree-linedlane,shethoughtofthedesperatesincerityin
Grady'svoicewhenhe'dsaid/loveTerese.

She'dbeensuchabloodyfoolaboutthatrelationship.Thiswasnotransitional
affair,andGradywasn'tsimplyactingthepartofherototherescue.Hetruly
caredaboutthepetitewoman,andClairewascertainthatTereselovedhim
equallyinreturn.

IntwelveminutesshewasinPortCarlingandparkedoutfrontoftheConroys'
prettyVictorian-stylehouse.TereseandLisawerestilllivinginthebasement
apartment;shehopedshe'dfindthemathome.

ThemidmorningsunwaswarmonherbackandherheadasClairewalkedalong
thestonestepsthatledtothebackyard.Woollythymegrewwildinthedirt
spacesbetweenthestones,andwitheachstepshereleasedsomeofthefamiliar
scentintotheair.

ShefoundTeresesittingonthedeck,sketchingsomethinginthegrassbyher
feet.Oneofthestrapsfromherbaggyoverallshadfallenoffhershoulder,and
herbangswereclippedbackfromherface,revealingasmooth,slightlyrounded
forehead.

Terese'sconcentrationwassointenseClairehesitatedtointrude.Thenabruptly
Tereselookedup,onedarkeyebrowrisinginadramaticarch."Hello,Claire."

Clairesteppedcloser,thenbenttoexaminethefragileblue,bell-shaped
wildflowerthatTeresewasreplicatingonpaper."Ididn'tmeantointerrupt.
Where'sLisa?"

"Playingatafriend's."Tereseaddedalinetoherdrawing,thensnappedthepad
closed."I'mgladyoustoppedby.Ineededabreak.Whydon'tyousitdown."She
indicatedasecondchair,whichsharedtheshadeofanoldmaple."CouldIoffer
youacooldrink?"

Clairerelaxeddeepintotheseatandletoutasigh."Thatwouldbenice."

Teresedisappearedinsideandcameoutwithtwoglassesoflemonade.Clairehad
alongswallowoftherefreshinglycoldbeverageandsmiledherthanks."Kirk's

takenthegirlsoutfortheday.Ifeelalittleatlooseends."

"Still,it'snicetohaveabreak,isn'tit?Much'asIadoreLisa,theconstantstream
ofconversationgetstomesometimes.EspeciallywhenI'mtryingtodrawor
paint."

"It'stheage,"Claireassuredher."Five-year-oldswillrecounttheirlifestorytoa
parkingattendantifhestandsstilllongenough.It'sacutestage,really.Justwait
untilsheturnstenandwon'ttellyouwhatshe'sthinkinganymore."

Andie.Thataccusinglookfromyesterdaywasfreshinhermemory,andstillhad
thepowertowound.ForsomereasonAndieseemedtoblameherbecauseKirk
wasn'taroundasmuchasAndiewouldlike.Ifyouwerenicertohim…Her
daughter'swordscamebacktoClaire,alongwithKirk'saccusationoftheprevious
day:Aren'tyoustillinlovewithGrady?

"It'sgoodtoberemindedhowquicklytheygrowup.Ican'tbelieveLisastarts
schoolfull-timethisSeptember."

"AndJennanextyear."

"Isn'tlettinggohard?"Teresesaid.Shesettledherheadagainstthebackofthe
chairandstaredupintothecanopyofmapleleaves."JustthinkhowGradymust
feelwiththetwinsabouttostarttheirlastyearofhighschool."

"SpeakingofGrady…"Claireleanedforwardinherchair.Thiswas,afterall,why
shehadcome."Haveyouseenhimlately?"

Teresesighed."Notsincelunchatyourplacethelongweekend."

AlightbreezecarriedperfumefromPatConroy'srosegarden.Claireheardthe
leaveswhisperaroundher."Maybeyoushould.Seehim,Imean."

Terese'seyesopenedwide."Whenwetalkedtheotherday,Igotthedistinct
impressionyouagreedwithmethatitwasn'tagoodideatodraghimandhis
boysintomy—mysituation."

Claireshookherhead."Thatwassowrongofme.Iwasjustbeing—oh,Idon't
know.Overprotective?I'vealwayshadasoftspotforGrady,andIwanthimtobe
happy."

"Me,too,"Teresesaidquietly.

"Beingwithyoumakeshimhappy,Terese."

Thepetitewomansmileduncertainly."Butmyex-husband—"

"Howlongsinceyoulefthim?"

"Almostthreeyears."

"Thenisn'tittimehestoppedcontrollingyourlife?Youdeservehappiness,Terese.
SodoesGrady."AndwhatifEdturnedouttobeoneofthosepsychoswhoshowed
uponenightwithahatchetandanintenttokill?

Okay,notalikelyscenario.ButthefactthatthemanwasLisa'sfathermeanthe
wouldalwaysbeapartofTerese'slife.Andeveryoneagreedhehadthepotential
forviolence.YetthatwashardlyTerese'sfault.Besides,GradylovedTerese.

"Ijustdon'tknowwhatEdiscapableof,"Teresesaid."That'swhatreallyscares
me."

"Understandably.Butyoucan'tlethimblockthehappinessyousoobviouslyfind
withGrady."

Tereseranherhandsthroughherthickdarkhair,herexpressionanagonyof
indecision."Don'tyouthinkthatwouldbeselfishofme?Puttingmyown
happinessabovethesafetyofGradyandhisboys?"

ForClairetoadmitwhatsheknewwastruewashard."Gradyandtheboyscan
lookafterthemselves."

Tereselaughedwithouthumor."That'swhatGradysays."

"Thenbelievehim."Claireleanedforwardtotouchthelittlewildflowerpokingup
fromthegrass."Andlovehim.That'swhatI'ddo."

CHAPTERTWENTY

Drew'sexplorer,aswellasKirk'ssedan,wereparkedoutsideGrady'shome.Claire
wasn'tsurprised.MalloryworkedatherboutiqueonSaturdays,soitmadesense
thatDrewwouldbringAngeltohangoutatGrady's.

Nopointinknockingatthefrontdoor;theywouldn'tbeinsideonagreatdaylike
this.Shepickeduptheboxofcookiesfromthefloorofthevan,thenheaded
aroundthehousetothegraydeckthatconnectedhousetoboathouse.Athirty-
footpierranperpendiculartothedeck,branchingoutintoaTattheend.That
waswhereshesawGrady,hisattentiononthelake.

BoardscreakedandClaire'sthongssnappedagainstthewoodasshewalkedout
tomeethim.Hewassittingonadeckchair,hiswethairplasteredagainsthis
head,dropletsofwaterstillclingingtohispowerfulbackandshoulders.Tumbled
athisfeetwasacollectionofbeachtowels,twobottlesofsunscreenandasingle
waterski.

Hetwistedaroundwhenheheardherapproachandraisedahandinfriendly
salute."Claire.Perfecttiming.Daisy'sskiingrightnow,andwhenshe'sdone,
Andie'sgoingtotrydroppingherski."

Claire'sgazeshotouttothewater.Shecouldjustmakeoutthered-and-whiteof
Grady'smotor-boatandthesmalldotthatwasherdaughter,beingpulledbehind.
"Who'sdriving?"

"Drew.Kirk'sintheboat,too,alongwithallthekids."

Atthementionofherhusband'sname,hereyescaughtGrady'sandheldthemfor
afewmoments."Aboutlastnight—"

Gradyshookhishead."Don'tsayaword.Wemenhavesortedeverythingout."

"Areyousure?Ican'ttellyouhowmortifiedIfeel…Istillcan'tbelievehesaid
thosethings."

"You'vegottocuttheguysomeslack.He'sbeenunderalotofpressure."Grady's
usuallygood-humoredfacesetintobleaklines."It'sascarythingforamanto
facetheprospectofhisfamilybreakingup.Believeme,Iknow.""Still.Itwaskind
ofridiculous.''"Ridiculous?"Grady'seyebrowsrose."KirkknowsyouandIhavea
history.Icouldseehowamanmightbethreatenedbyourfriendship."

Clairesatinthechairnexttohim,feelingthedockswayunderher.Theboatwas
outofsightnowandshefocusedonthemanbesideher."Yes,butourhistorylies
almosttwentyyearsinthepast.Wewerejustkids."

Yetevenasshespokethewords,hermindwastellingheradifferentstory.Come
on,Claire.MaybeyourfeelingsforGradyaren'ttrulyinthepast.

Sheshuthermouthandlookedouttothewater.Whatwereherfeelingsforthe
manbesideher?IfshewasgoingtobehonestwithKirk,sheneededtostartby
beingtruthfulwithherself.

Thememoryofherlastcounselingsessionloomed,inparticularthemomentRiva
hadaskedaboutClaireandKirk'smarriageintheyearsbeforeJanice.

She'dadmittedtoRivathateventhentherehadbeenproblems,andrightafter
admittingthatshe'dthoughtofGrady,althoughshehadn'tsaidanything.What
didthatindicateabouthercommitmenttoKirkandtotheirmarriage?She
couldn'tblameKirkforaccusingherofcomparinghimwithGradyandfindinghim
shortofthemark,whenitwastrue.AndnotjustsincetheaffairwithJanice,but
yearsbefore.

Beginning,sheacknowledged,whenthedemandsoffamilylifehadstartedto
impingeonKirk'scareer.Thatwaswhenshe'dbeguntosuffertheoccasionalstab

ofdoubt.Hadshemarriedtherightman?

"Yeah,it'sbeenalotofyears,"Gradyconceded."Butyouhavetoknowtheway
themalemindoperates.Thisisgoingtosoundarrogant,butamanlikestofeel
thatasfarashiswomanisconcerned,he'stheoneandonly."

"Aninterestingpoint.Howdoyouthinkwomenwanttofeel?Thatthey'reoneout
offive?"

Gradylaughed."Hell,Claire,youdon'tgiveaninch,doyou?ThepointI'mtrying
tomakeisthatthemaleegoisfragile.Andbelieveme,aftermydivorce,Iknow
ofwhatIspeak."

"Oh,Grady."Shereachedouttotouchhisarm."Youaresuchagreatguy."

"Iappreciatethesentiment.Butyourhusbandneedstohearthosewordsfrom
you."Clairesatbackinherchair,stung."Hey.Ididn'tintendtosoundungracious.
Yourfriendshipmeansalottome,Claire.Andit'sexactlywhyI'mbeingsoblunt.
Whateverproblemsyoutwoarefacingrightnow,sortthemout.YouandKirk
don'twanttoenduplikemeandBess.Andthere'snoreasonyoushould.You
guysaregreattogether,andyou'vemanufacturedthreesuperkids."Heglanced
atherbelly.

Sheknewwhathewasthinking.Soontobefour.Protectively,shewrappedher
armsaroundhermiddle.She'dstartedfeelingthebaby'smovementsacoupleof
weeksago.Andthosefirstfluttershadawokenhermaternalinstinctswitha
vengeance.

Shelovedthisbaby.Shewantedthisbaby.Regardlessofwhathappenedbetween
Kirkandher.

"Ihearyou,Grady.ButIstillhaveahardtimetakingKirk'sinsecuritiesseriously.
Afterall,I'mobviouslypregnant.Asifanymanwouldbeinterestedinmenow."

"IguessI'dhavetodisagreewithyouonthatone.Butthepointis,youandKirk
belongtogether.AndI'm…well,youknowhowIfeelaboutTerese.I'dmarryher
inaflashifshe'dhaveme.Butshe'ssospookedbyherex-husband…",Guilt
forcedClaire'sgazedowntotheboardsofthedock.Onlytoorecentlyshe'd
thoughtthesameway."Ishedangerous,Grady?Reallydangerous?"

"Idon'tknow.Butthefactthathe'soutthereonlymakesmeloveTeresemore.
MaybebecauseIfeelsheneedsme."

"Thatfragile-male-egothingagain?"

Gradygaveherchairakick."Offerawomanalittleinsideinformation,andshe
turnsonyou."

Clairesmiled."I'mnotturningonyou,Grady.IreallydohopeyouandTerese
workthingsout"

"Hereconiestheboat."Gradypointedtoaspeckinthedistance.

Astheywatched,thespeckgrewbigger,andeventuallytookonshapeandcolor.
WithinaminuteClairecouldmakeoutDrewatthewheelandKirkbehind.

"Canyouseewho'sskiing?"

"Ithinkit'sAndie."

AfewsecondslaterClairecoulddiscerntheredofherdaughter'shair.Theboat
wasstillcomingintheirdirection;inaboutoneminuteitwouldbeparalleltothe
dock.WhichwaswhenAndiewouldslipherleftfootoutofherskiandtrytokeep
herbalanceontheremainingone.

Gradystoodandstartedshoutinginstructions."Notyet,Andie."Afewseconds
passed."Okay,benddown,getready…"

Then,justasplitsecondbeforetheboatwhizzedby,Gradyraisedhishand.
"Now!"

Oncue,Andiekickedoffherleftski,wobbledtotheright,straightened,then
wobbledtotheleft—

"Comeon,Andie!"Clairecheered.—thenstabilizedinthecenter."She'sdoingit,
Grady!She'sactuallydoingit!"Clairewassogladforherdaughter.She'dhad
suchatoughsummer.Atleastthisonethinghadgoneright.

"Suresheis.She'sonedeterminedkid."Theywatcheduntiltheboathadcircled
outofsight,withAndiestillbalancingonhersingleski.ThenGradysatbackin
hischairandglancedatthepackageClairehadstowedunderherchair.

"Now,tellmewhat'sinthatcontainer,orI'mgoingtohavetothrowyouintothe
lake."Clairepulledhersunglassesfromthetopofherheadtothebridgeofher
nose.Smiling,shejustshookherhead."Bepatient."

Gradygroaned."Youcanbecruel,youknowthat?I'll,betthey'rethoseTriple
TemptationCookies,aren'tthey?"

"You'lljusthavetowaitandsee."

AfterAndie'ssuccessfulcircuitononeski,theboatheadedforhome.

"Hey,Claire!"Drewwavedfromthefrontseataftercuttingthethrottle."Didyou
seeyourdaughter?"

"Isuredid.Thatwasterrific,hon!"ShewavedatAndie,whowasbreast-stroking
towardtheotherendofthepier.

Gradygrabbedforthesideoftheboatasitcamenearandpulleditingentlyto
restalongsidethewoodenplatform.Withpracticedeasehesecuredtheboat
whileClairehelpedKirkunloadthechildrenandAndiehauledherselfoutofthe
lake.

"Thatwasfantastic,kiddo,"Kirksaid,wrappingabigtowelaroundAndie'sbody.
Shewasshiveringlikecrazy,butherlipswerestretchedintothebiggestsmile.

"Itwassomuchfun,Daddy!Didyouseeme,Mom?"

"I.suredid."ClaireturnedandgavethetowelaroundAndieabriskrub."Youhad
greatbalanceoutthere,hon."SheglancedupatKirkandfelthersmilestiffen.
Whenhelookedathertherewerequestionsinhiseyesshewasn'tsurehowto
answer.

Maybeshe'dmadesomemistakesinthepast.Maybeshe'ddonetoomuch
comparing,andmaybeithadn'tbeenfair.Butthatdidn'tjustifywhatKirkhad
done.Nomatterwhatherdissatisfactionswiththemarriage,she'dnevergone
behindKirk'sbacktofindherpleasureelsewhere.

"Didyouseemeski,Mommy?"Daisyasked.

ClairebenttokissthetipofthenosevisiblefrombehindDaisy'sflower-shaped
sunglasses."Isawalittle.Didyouhavetroublegettingup?"

"Nope.Gotupfirsttime."Daisy'schestexpandedproudly.

"Goodwork.Now,couldyoucarrythesunscreenbacktothehouse?I'lltakethe
towels.IthinkDaddy'sgoingtohavetocarryJenna.Shefellasleepintheboat."

"Sure."DaisyskippedaheadwithAndieandDrew,whowascarryingasleeping
Angelinhisarms.

"Toomuchexcitementforthelittleones,Iguess,"Kirksaid,pluckingJennafrom
thebottomoftheboat.

"Wecanputthemdownonmybed,"Gradysuggested."Thenlet'sorganize
somethingtoeat.I'mstarved,andIminkClairehassomethingdecadentinthat
containerofhers."

Atthementionoffood,AndieandDaisylookedbackfromwheretheywere
walkingwithDrew.Bothspottedtheplasticcontainerintheirmother'shandsand
calledoutsimultaneously,"TripleTemptationCookies?"

Clairejustsmiledandpickedupthebox.

FollowingbehindGrady.andKirk,alongthedeckthatledtothebackpatiodoor,
shecouldn'thelpbutvisuallycomparethetwomen.Theywereclosehiheight,
butsodifferentincharacterandinbuild.Gradywaslarger—broaderacrossthe
shouldersandruggedinform—whereasKirk'smusclesweremoresharplydefined,
hishipsslimmer,hisbodymovementsalmostgraceful.

Twosuchdifferentmen.Onedark,onefair;oneacraftsman,theothera
businessman.

Ifshehaditalltodooveragain,ifthechoicerestedentirelyinherhands,which
wouldshewanttomarry?

Kirkhadsaidshecouldn'tanswerthequestion.Andhewasright.

Butnotbecausetheanswerwassodifficult.Becausethequestionwaswrong.
Second-guessingpastchoiceswasafool'sgame.Thethoughthitherafew
minuteslater,oncetheyoungerchildrenweretuckedundercoversandGradyhad
foundeveryonesomethingtodrink.Shewassittingatthepatiotableacrossfrom
Kirk,whowascheckingAndiecarefullyforsignsofsunburn.

"Seemsokay,kiddo,"hesaid."Guessthatsunlotionreallywaswaterprooflikeit
said."

AndieslidontoKirk'sknee,wrappinganarmaroundhisneck.Withthen:heads
soclosetogether,Clairecouldseearesemblanceintheshapeoftheirchinsand
thedeepsetoftheireyes.Andiewasadoll,andherhusbandwasgorgeous.With
hisnow-bronzedskinandsun-bleachedhair,heremindedherofhowhe'dlooked
thatfirstsummerthey'dgoneout.

He'dbeenplayingbaseball,andshe'dattendedallhisgamestocheerhimon.
He'dbeenanawesomeshortstop,andafabuloussightinhisuniform.Claire
recollectedonegameinparticular,whenshe'dsatbehindtwoyoungwomenwho
spentthewholegamelistingKirk'sobviousphysicalcharmsandscreamingevery
timehemadeagoodplay.Afterthegame,theirwhispershadbecomehushed
whenheheadedtheirway,thentheirmouthshaddroppedopentoseehimwalk
uptoClaireandthrowhisarmsaroundher.

She'dfeltsoproudofhimthen,andproudofherself,too—thathe'dchosenheras
hisgirl.Clairesmiled,remembering,thensuddenlyfeltmoresomber.Whenhad
shelostthefeelingthatshewasthechosenone?ThatforKirkthesunroseand
fellaroundherandthethingsshesaidanddid?

"Okay,Claire,"Gradysaid,breakingintoherthoughts."Enoughwiththemystery.
Showusthegoods."

"Aw,it'snothing,"Clairesaid,removingthelidslowly."Justadoublebatchof
thosecookiesnobodyeverseemstolikeverymuch."

Threeheadscrashedastheybentinsimultaneously.

"Ow!"Daisycomplained.Butacheerfollowedimmediately."Yeah!Triple
TemptationCookies!"

Theypassedtheboxaround,once,twiceandagain,untilthecookieswerealmost
allgone.Madewithachocolate-dropcookiebaseandgenerousscoopsof
semisweetchocolatechips,white-chocolatechipsandchoppedalmonds,theywere
atriple-chocolatedelightandafavoriteofadultsandkidsalike.

Afitting"endoftheseason''contributiontoher"CottageCooking"column?Claire
shiedfromthethought,shockedtorealizehowquicklythesummerhadpassed.

She'dplannedonhavinghermarriageproblemssortedoutbeforethekidswere
backhischool.Butaftertwomonthsofcounseling,talking,arguingand
discussing,shefelttheywerenofurtheraheadthanwhenthey'dstarted.She
castalookatKirk,wonderingifhefeltequallydiscouraged.

Kirkbitintothecookiehiswifehadbaked,barelytastingtherich,fudgeyflavor.
HewascaptivatedbythepictureClavemade,withherflaxenhairmussedfrom
thewindandherskinflushedfromadayintheheat.She'dtakenoffher
sunglassesintheshadeoftheawningoverGrady'sdeck,andtheblueofhereyes
appearedevenmoreintensethanusual.

You'dthinkthatafteralltheseyearshe'dbeaccustomedtoherbeauty.True,
weekscouldgobywithouthimreallynoticingher.Butthentherewouldbea
momentwhenthesunhitheracertainwayorshepausedwithherheadtiltedat
justtherightangle.

Andwham,itwouldhithim,justliketheveryfirsttimehe'dmether—atthe
firm'sChristmasparty.Shewasworkingatthehotelandthemomentshestepped
intotheballroom—tomakesuretheeventwasproceedingasplanned—theworld
hadstoppedrotating,he'dceasedbreathing,thelightshaddimmed.Exceptfor
onehotspotlighttraineddirectlyonherface.Thewondergirlwhocouldhave
broughthimtohiskneesonthestrengthofherwarm,huskylaughalone.

Fromthatfirstmoment,he'ddeterminedtomeether,todateher,tomarryher.
He'dneverfeltamoment'sdoubtthatshewasthewomanforhim,andthemore
he'dgottentoknowher,themorecertainhe'dgrowninhisfeelings.

Thiswasthewomanhewanted.

Hadsheeverfeltthatwayabouthim?Hadsheeverfeltanythingevenclosetoit?
Watchinghernow,Kirkrealizedhiswifewasasmuchofanenigmatohimas

ever.

"Wantanothercookie,Daddy?"Andieheldtheboxinfrontofhim."It'sthevery
lastone."

"That'sgenerousofyou.Thanks,kiddo."Hetookthecookie,brokeitinhalfand
offeredthelargerpiecetohisdaughter.

Daisy,herdelicatemouthnowedgedinchocolate,lookedattheemptyboxand
sighed."Arethereanymoreathome?"

"Afraidnot,hon."Claireliftedherontoherlap,andDaisysnuggledherhead
againsthermother'sshoulder.

They'reapicture,thosetwo.Samecoloring,samevividblueeyes.Hewantedto
reachforthecamera,whichhe'dbroughtwithhimontheboat,buthewasso
comfortablewithAndiesprawledagainstbun.

"Well,nowthatwe'vehaddessert,howaboutamaincourse?"Gradyasked."I
knowtheboyswillbehomesoon,starvingasusual.Burgersokaywith
everyone?"

"Weshouldbegoing,"Claireprotested."Don'tyoudare."Gradyplacedahand
againstheremptyshoulder,theonewithoutDaisysnuggledintoit,toforceher
backinthechair."Jenna'ssoundasleep,andbesides,it'smyturntoentertain.

WhydoeseveryoneassumethatsinceBethleftI'mnotcapableofscrapingameal
together?Whodoyouthinkdidmostofthecookingwhenshelivedhere,
anyway?"

"Itmusthavebeenyou,"Drewsaid."Orthoseboyswouldneverhavegrownas
tallastheyare.RememberthatsauceBessmadeforClaire'sChristmaspuddinga
fewyearsago?"

Drewpushedhischairback."I'llgiveyouahand,Grady.Let'scallMalloryandask
hertobringatubofcoleslawfromMarg'sonherwayhomefromwork."

''I'llhelp,too,"Clairevolunteered,butGradystuckhisheadoutthedoorto
refuseheroffer.

"Youcan'tcook.You'realivingloungechair."HisgazedroppedtoDaisy,whose
eyelidsweredrooping."Relaxforachangeandletsomeoneelsetakecareofthe
grub."

Kirkhadbeenabouttovolunteer,aswell,butAndiewasfallingasleepagainst
him."Thesekidsaren'tsomuchhungryasexhausted."

Clairenodded.ShewasgazingatDaisy'sface,andherdreamyexpression
remindedhimofthewayshelookedwhenshewasnursinganinfant.

Kirkchokedup,wonderingifhewouldhavetheprivilegeofwatchingwhileshe
nursedthisnewbaby.Rightnowtheoddsweren'tgood.

He'dreallyhopedcounselingwouldbetheanswer,butasfarashecouldtellthey
hadn'tmademuchprogress.Histiradelastnighthadn'thelped.Whyhadhelost
hiscoolthatway?Hehadn'tseriouslythoughttherewasanythinggoingon
betweenGradyandClaire.

Buthewasjealous.NotjustoftheclosefriendshiporthehighregardthatClaire
hadforGrady,butofthetimeGradyhadalwaysbeenabletospendwithhis
family.

DidClairethinkhewantedtomissdinnerswiththefamily,thechildren'slittle
performances,timetogetherontheweekend?Longofficehours,aforty-five-
minutecommute,extensivetraveldemands—theseweretherealitiesofthejob
hehadchosen.AndKirklovedhisjob.

Buthealsolovedhiswife.

Ifonlyshecouldlovehimback.Forthemanhewas,notthehusbandandfather
shewantedhimtobe.

Wasthataskingtoomuch?

"There'ssomethingweneedtotalkabout."

FromClaire'stoneofvoice,itwasn'tanythinggood.Feelingasuddenpanic,Kirk
checkedtomakesureAndiewassleeping,beforeasking,"Whatisit?"

"IgottheresultsfromthatbloodtestItookinBarrie."

Kirk'sthoughtsshiftedfromtherelationshipbetweenhimandClairetotheir
unbornchild."And?"

"Thealpha-somethingorotherlevelswerealittlehigh.Thedoctoris
recommendingIhaveanamniocentesissotheycantestthebaby'scellsinthe
amnioticfluid."

Kirkwasatalossforamoment."But—"Hepaused,thinkingthingsthrough.
"Whatwilltheybecheckingfor?"

Clairesighed."Well,oneoftheirconcernsisneuraltubedefects."

"Youmeanlikespinabifida?"

Shenodded."It'sapossibility.Ofcourse,iftheydotheamnio,they'lltestfor
otherthings,too.LikeDown'ssyndrome."

Kirksuckedinadeepbreath.

"Thistestisjustaprecaution.Chancesarethebabyisfine."

"Ofcoursesheis.''Butthen,whyhadthebloodtestcomebackabnormal?Kirk
feltarisingpanic;heknewwomenoveragethirty-fivewereatincreasedriskfor
fetalanomalies.

Hetriednottolettheworrysoundinhisvoice."Howsooncanyouhavethe
amnio?"

"I'vegotanappointmentbookedforMondaymorning.Iwasn'tsureifIwasgoing
tokeepit.ButIguessIshould,huh?"

"Ithinkso,Claire.Evenjustforthepeaceofmind."

"Theamniohasrisks,too,youknow."Clairepushedherhairbackfromher
forehead."There'saoneintwohundredpossibilityofmiscarriage."

Damn.Thoseoddsweren'tassmallashe'dlike.However,theyweretalkingabout
seriousdefectshere."Idon'tknow,Claire.Whatdoyouthink?"

"I'msurethebabyisfine.Still…"

"Maybeweoughttobecertain."

"Yes."Shesighed."IguessI'llkeepthatappointment."

"Mondaymorning,right?I'llcallinlatetotheofficeandcomewithyou."

Theamniocentesiswasn'tsomuchpainfulasitwasuncomfortable.Clairehadto
drinkeightglassesofwaterbeforehand,whichputarealstrainonherbladder.
First,thedoctorlocatedthebaby'spositionbyultrasound,thensheswabbed
Claire'sbellywithsepia-coloredantiseptic.

"Topreventinfection,"sheexplained,takingoutahypodermicneedlethatlooked
frighteninglylong.

ClairesqueezedKirk'sfingersandforcedhergazeawayfromtheneedle.

"You'llfeelapinprickastheneedlegoesin,"thedoctortoldher,"thenpressureas
wedrawoutacoupleoftablespoonsofamnioticfluid.Hopefully,we'llgathersome
ofthebaby'sshedskincellswiththefluid."

ClaireclosedhereyesandsqueezedKirk'shandtighter.

Hebentlowandkissedthetopofherhead."You'rebeingverybrave."

Asshefelttheneedlejabherskin,Clairefocusedonthebaby.You'regoingtobe
okay.Don'tstandoingcartwheelsnow,whateveryoudo.Thepressingdeepinside
herwaslikenothingshe'deverexperienced.Thenitwasover,andthedoctorwas
remindingherofthingstowatchoutfor,

"Leakagefromthevagina,abdominalcrampsorfever.Ifyouhaveanyofthese
symptoms,callusimmediately."

"Wewill,"Kirkpromised.Heappearedcalmandconfidentinhissuitandtie,but
behindhistan,hisskinwasalmostaspaleashisstarchedwhiteshirt."Areyou
okay,Claire?"

Shenodded,feelingunaccountablyteary.Theyhadtowaitthreetofourweeksfor
theresultsofthistest.Aninterminableperiodoftime.Notthatshewasgoingto
worry.Herbabywasokay.Shejustknewit.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

Clairefeltasifshe'dblinkedtwiceandthesummerhadgone.Fruitstandswere
loadedwithfresh,locallygrowncom,apples,potatoesandsquash;stores
everywhereofferedback-to-schoolspecials;dressesthathadfallentohergirls'
kneesinJunewerenowtooshort.

TheSeptemberlongweekendwashotandglorious.Itseemedatravestytopack
upandreturntothecity.Kirkcameuptohelpherorganizebelongings,cleanout
thefridge,loadupthevan.

"Idon'twanttogotothecity,"Daisycomplained,hangingontothetireswing
Saturdayafterlunch.

Clairesympathized.Shewasn'treadytogohomeyet,either.Herlifewasstilla
shambles;shehadnoclearideaabouttherightthingtodo.Andyet,thetime
hadarrivedtomakeadecision.Startingtonight,sheandKirkwouldbeliving
underthesameroofsevendaysaweek.Giventhereluctanttrucethey'dreached
sinceKirk'sblowupaboutGrady,shewasn'tsureeitherofthemcouldbearthe
strain.

"We'llbebackforThanksgiving,"Kirksaidashepassedwithtwoofthesuitcases.

Butwouldthey?

Clairefelthotjustwatchinghimwork.She'dchangedintoherdenimjumperafter
lunchdishesweredone,andalreadyherlegswerestickyunderthelongfabric.
Shewasexhausted,andnotanticipatingthethree-hourdrivewithmuch
enthusiasm.

"Comeon,Daisy.Getintothevan,please."Jennawasalreadybuckledintothe
backseatoftheVolvo,andAndiehadclaimedthefrontseatnexttoherdad.

"IwanttoridewithDaddy."

"ButI'mgoingwithDaddy,"Andieobjected.

"There'sroomforallthreeofyou,"Kirkpointedout.

"Idon'tcare."Andiecrossedherarmsandleanedagainstthedoor."I'mnotriding
withher.''

Daisy'sfacewasredasshegaveinquietlyandclimbedintothevan.

ClairetampeddownanimpulsetoscreamatAndieandlookedmutely,instead,at
Kirk.Heshookhishead,nothavingtospeakforhertoknowwhathewas
thinking.Whatshouldwedo?

Clairewastootiredtoforceaconfrontation.Withasighsheclimbedintothe
driver'sseat,whileKirkwentbackinsideforthefinalload.Hecameoutcarrying
aboxofperishablefood.

"That'sthelastofit."Kirkshutthebackdoortothevanfirmly,thenwalked
aroundthedriver'sside.HestuckahandintheopenwindowandruffledDaisy's
hair."Areyousureyoudon'twanttocomeinthecar?Andiedoesn'tsettherules
aroundhere,youknow."

Daisyshookherhead,herbottomlipfull,hereyesshinywithtears."I'mgoing
withMommy."

Claireglancedbackatthecottage,alllockedup,blindspulledoverthewindows.
Onceagainsheacknowledgedthatshewasn'treadytoleave.Butshehadno
choice.Herkidshadtogotoschool.Onceagain,too,sheacknowledgedthatshe
hadtostartlivingwithherhusbandagain.That,orgetupthecouragetotellhim
toleave.

Whichwasittobe?

Stomachburning,shesecuredherseatbelt,slippedonhersunglasses.

"Ready?"Kirkasked.

Shenodded,thentwistedthekey.Asshedroveoffwithoutlookingback,the
knowledgethatthey'dreturnforThanksgivingprovidedcoldcomfort.
Thanksgivingwasalmosttwomonthsaway.Andalotcouldhappenintwo
months.

Theymadegoodtimeonthetrip,andClairepulledthevanintothegaragejust
beforefouro'clock,Kirk'sVolvorightbehindher.Shegotoutandstretched,
easingthekinksfromhershouldersandback.

"Excuseme,Mom."Andietriedtopushpastintherestrictedspaceofthegarage.

"Letmeshutmydoor.What'stherush?"

"IwanttoputupthatpostcardMalloryandDrewsentmefromtheGatineauHills.
AndIwanttoseeallmystuffedanimalsagain."

ClaireopenedthepassengerdoorforDaisy,thenwentroundtheback,whereKirk
wasalreadyremovingluggage.

"I'lldotheunloading,"hesaid."AndIwasthinkingweshouldorderinpizzafor
dinnertonight.Soundokay?"

"Goodidea."They'dhaveenoughworktodogettingunpackedandsettledwithout
preparingameal,aswell.

"Yougoinsideandrestforaminute,"Kirksaid,luggingtwosuitcasesandDaisy's
backpack."It'salongdriveinthehotsun."

Claireshepherdedintheyoungergirls,thenfixedthemasmallsnackbefore
collapsingonthesofa.Andiewasstillinherroom,andfrankly,Clairehopedshe
wouldstaythereawhile.ThatcrackaboutnotdrivingwithDaisyhadn'tbeendie
firstmeanthingAndiehadsaidtoheryoungersistertoday,andClairehadjust
abouthadit.

Kirkdumpedthesuitcasesofdirtyclothesinthelaundryroomandplacedthe
perishablesinthefridge.Bythen,Clairewasrefreshedenoughtosupervisebaths
forthechildren,whileKirkphonedintheirpizzaorder.

"Bathtime,"shesaid,shooingthemupthestairs.

"ButIdon'twantone,"Daisygrumbled.

"Pretendit'sthelake,"Clairesuggested.

"ThenIwanttowearmybathingsuit."

"Willweneedtowearlifejackets?"Jennawondered.

Clairerolledhereyes."WhathaveIstarted?"

"Don'tworry."Kirkwascomingupthestairsbehindher."Icanhandlethis.Yougo
haveabathofyourown."

"Areyousure?"AtKirk'snod,sheleftthemtoitandheadedforthemaster
bathroom.AsshepassedAndie'sroom,shenoticedherdaughterreadingas
usual.

"Youneedtohaveabath,too,Andie."

"I'mnotababy.I'llhaveashowerwhenthey'redone."

"Fine."Claireretreatedtothemastersuiteandturnedonthewaterinhersunken
tubandaddedahandfulofbathsalts.Agoodlongsoakwastheonethingshe
missedwhenshewenttothecottageforthesummer,sincetheyhadonlytheone
shower.

Thedenimjumpercameoffinonelongtug;herT-shirtandunderwearfollowed
quickly.ShesearchedoneofthebagsKirkhadbroughtupearlierandfoundher
latestmysterynovel.Readyatlast,shesteppeddownintothetub.

Scentedwaterengulfedhernakedbody,andshesighedwiththephysical
pleasureofwarmthandthetangoflavender.Shestretchedoutherlegsand
cuppedherhandsoverhermoundedtummy.

Fortwochapters,shewaslosttotheworld.Thenextthingsheknew,thedoorbell
wasringingandthewaterfeltlukewarm.

"Pizza!Pizza!"Jenna'svoicereverberatedthroughoutthehouse.

Clairewrappedherselfinaterryrobe,thenhurrieddownstairstosetplates
aroundthetableandpourglassesofmilk.Kirkplacedthecardboardpizzaboxes
inthecenterofthetable,hiswethairclingingtohishead.Whenhadhefound
timetotakeashower?

"Twopieces,please,"Daisysaid."I'mstarving."

Kirkopenedtheboxandthesmelloftomatosauceandwarmbreadhadeveryone
leaningforward.

EveryoneexceptAndie.

"Idon'tlikethatkind."

"There'splaincheeseandtomato,"Kirkpointedout.

"Idon'twantthat,either."

Clairesighedandhopedthegirlswouldgotosleepafterdinner.Shewassotired
shewouldgotobedrightafterthem.

Whichwouldconvenientlyfinessethebedroomissue.Clairehadnoideawhether

Kirkexpectedtosleepinthesamebedashernowthattheywerehome.She
knewsheoughttohavebroachedthetopicwithhimearlier;shecouldn'taskhim
tosleeponthecouchsevendaysaweek.Butwhatalternativesdidtheyhave?
Shecouldn'timaginesleepingawinkifhewasbesideher.

"Mom,tellDaisytoeatwithhermouthclosed,"Andiecomplained.

Daisyseemedstartled."Iam."

"No,you'renot.You'remakingtoomuchnoise,andyou'redisgustingtowatch."

DaisystartedtocryandClairelookedatAndie,atalosstounderstandthese
recentoutbursts;"Don'ttalktoyoursisterthatway,Andie."

"Whynot?Ihateher!She'sstupidanduglyandIwishshe'dneverbeenborn!"
Andiejumpedupfromherchairandranforherroom.Daisystartedcryingallthe
harder.

"Oh,myLord."Clairepushedahandthroughherdamphairandwonderedifthey
couldinstallalockontheoutsideofAndie'sdoor.Athisendofthetable,Kirk
appearedasfedupasshefelt.

"Ican'tbelieveAndiewouldtalkthatway."

Claireshookherhead,thenreachedoverto

Daisy."Don'tcry,hon.Yoursisterdidn'tmeanthosethingsshesaid."

ThelegsofKirk'schairscrapedagainstthefloor."I'mgoingtospeakwithher."

Clairenodded,tryingtotampdowntheangershecouldn'thelpbutfeeltoward
hereldestdaughter.TheattackonDaisyhadbeencompletelyunprovoked,at
leastasfarasshecouldtell.

Daisyhadpushedherplateaside,andnowsheturnedtohermother."Why
doesn'tAndielikemeanymore?"

ThequestionwrenchedClaire'sheart."Yoursisterlovesyou,Daisy.She'sjust
feelingunhappy,and…"

Andtakingitoutonheryoungersister.Butwhy?Wassheworriedaboutschool
startingagain?She'dmanagedtocompletethemathworkbookthissummer
withoutanydifficulty.WhichmadeClairewonderallthemoreaboutthosepoor
grades.Andiecouldhandlethework.Lastyear,she'djustchosennotto.

ClairepickedupDaisyandpulledherontoherlap.Orwhatwasleftofit.

"Idon'tthinkshedoeslikeme."DaisypushedherfaceintoClaire'sshoulder."She

neverwantstoplayanymore.AllshedoesisreadandcomplainabouthownoisyI
am."

Clairehuggedhertighter,thankfulthatatleastJennawasn'tlettingthescene
upsether.She'dfinishedherfirstsliceofpizza,havingeatendowntothehard
edgeofthecrust.NowshelookedatClairetoseeifitwasokayforhertohave
seconds.

ClairesettledDaisybackinherchair,thenplacedafreshsliceonbothDaisy'sand
Jenna'splates."Trytoeatalittlemore,hon,"shesaidtoDaisy."Anddon'tworry
aboutyoursister.She'llcomearound.I'msure."

OnceDaisywascalm,Claireleftthetwogirlsatthetableandfollowedthesound
ofAndie'ssobsupthestairs.KirkhadtakenAndieintotheirbedroom.Looking
intoAndie'sroomandseeingthestuffedanimalsandthepostcardstheireldest
hadthrownaroundinarage,Claireunderstoodwhy.Shereturnedtothedoorof
themastersuite,pausingatthesoundofherhusband'svoice.

"Sh,sweetie,sh,"KirkwassayingbetweenAndie'ssobs."Sh,sweetie."

Peeringintotheroom,ClairesawhimholdingAndieagainsthischest,stroking
herhairwithonehand.Gradually,Andie'scriessubsided.

"Youmustbefeelingawfulinsidetohavesaidthosetilingstoyoursister.What's
wrong,Andie?"

Thecommentwasastute,andasAndiebegansobbingagain,Claireputahandto
herforehead.Thepoorkid.Shesoundedasifherheartwasbreaking.

Oh,Andie.Andie.

Whyhadn'tsheherselfbeenasinsightfulas

Kirk?OfcourseAndiehadtobehurtingtohavesaidthosethings.Only,whywas
Andiesounhappy?Clairehadtriedhardtogiveherextraattentionthissummer.

"Daddy,areyouandMomgoingtogetadivorce?"

Clairecoveredhermouthandsanktothecarpet.Kirkwasquietforseveral
momentsbeforehespoke.

"Whydoyouaskthat?"

"BecausemyfriendErin'sparentsgotadivorce.Andshegavemealistofthings
towatchoutfor.And,Daddy—everyoneofthemishappeningtoyouandMom—
exceptfortheyelling."

"Oh,myLord,Andie.WhendidEringiveyouthislist?"

"TheweekafterChristmas."

Whichwaswhenhermarkshadbeguntodrop,andherinterestinfriendshad
declined.AllthistimeClairehadthoughtAndiewashavingaproblemwithher
friends,buttheproblemwasherparents.

"Youwereonabusinesstrip,"Andiecontinued,"andMomsaidIcouldhaveErin
forasleep-over.Wetalkedallnight.Shesaidthatoneofthesignsiswhenthe
dadishardlyeverhome."

"But,Andie,I'vealwaystakenbusinesstrips."

"Notasmanyasthisyear.Yousentmesevenpostcards.LastyearIonlygot
three.Daddy,Ifeelsosickwheneveryougoaway."

Clairebitherlip,rememberingAndie'sconstant,anxiousqueriesaboutherfather.
WhenisDaddycoming?They'dtriedsohardtoprotectthechildrenfromthen-
troubles.Butthey'dforgottenAndiewasgrowingup…

"Iknowyousleptonthecoucheverynightatthecottage,Daddy.Thatwas
anothersign."

"Oh,sweetheart."

ClairecouldheartherustleofclothandassumedKirkwasgivingAndieanother
hug.Shewantedtorushinandhugherdaughter,too,buttheinterruptionmight
stopAndiefromtalking,andshe'dbeenbottlingallthisinsideforfartoolong
already.

"Marriagesareveryprivatethings,"Kirkbegan."Butyou'vegottotrustyour
momandmetodothebestwecan.Iknowit'shard,butyouknowwe'llalways
lookafteryouandloveyou.Right?"

Andiesniffled."But,Daddy.Iwantustoallstaytogether."

"We'retogethernow,aren'twe?"

"Yes,but—"

"NevermindErin'slist,okay?LetmetellyousomethingthatIknowistrue."

"What?"

"Thosethingsonthatlistalsohappentodadsandmomswhostaytogether."

"Theydo?"

"Askanycouple."

"EvenMalloryandDrew?"

Kirklaughed."Yes.Eventhem."

"ButGradyandBessgotdivorced,Daddy.Itdoeshappen."

ClairecouldhearKirk'ssighasclearlyasifhewererightbesideher.

"Yes.You'reright,"hereplied."Sometimesdivorcedoeshappen."

Claireeasedherselfbackuptoherfeetandwentdownstairs.She'dfailedher
eldestdaughter.Howcouldshehavebeensoinsensitive?Forthepastsixmonths
Andiehadbeenworryingaboutthefamilyfallingapartsomuchthatshe'dlost
interestinherschoolworkandherfriends.Itwassoobviousnow.

Clairewentthroughthemotionsofcleaningupfromdinner,thenputtheyounger
girlstobed.Fortunately,theywerebothexhausted,soitdidn'ttakemucheffort.
Whentheywereasleep,shefinallydaredtogobackupstairs.ShefoundAndie
curledupinherfather'sarms,bothAndieandKirkasleepontheking-sizebedin
themasterbedroom.

Clairestoodwatchingthemforalongtime,alltooawarethatasolutiontothe
troubleintheirfamilywasn'tgoingtodropoutoftheskyhikealuckylottoticket
andquicklyfixtheirproblems.

ShereachedahandtoAndie'sforeheadtobrushbackastrandofhairandinthat
momentfelttheabsolutesimplicityofthesolution.Itcouldcomefromherandit
couldcomefromKirk.Andallitwouldtaketomakeitworkwasafirm
commitment.

Whatif,shewonderedwithanalmostdizzyingperceptionofhowmarriagecould
be,whatifsheandKirklovedeachotherwiththesameboundless,unconditional
lovetheyshoweredontheirchildren?WhatifshecouldmakeKirkfeelhewas
"theoneandonly"?Ifhecouldmakeherfeelshewasthemostpreciouswoman
onearth?

Clairelookeddownonherhusband'sface,seeingavulnerabilitythatwasn't
visiblewhenhewasawake.Shethoughtoftheboyshe'dmarried—thehandsome,
blondbaseballchamp;thekeenyoungstockbrokerwithmoreplansthanclients,
moreenergythancash.Kirk'sspecialtywasinvestments.Well,wasthereany
greaterthantheonethey'dmadeineachother?

"Iloveyou."AsshemurmuredthewordsClairetouchedhischeeklightly,then
Andie's.Herfamily.Herheartachedwiththeneedtoholdthemclose,toprotect
them.

"Comehere."Kirkwhisperedthewords,extendinghisonefreearm.

"Ididn'tknowyouwereawake."

"I'mnot.JustdreamingI'minthiswonderfulplacewhereI'mhuggingmywife
andmydaughtersotightlyI'llneverloseeitherofthem."

Kirk'shandfoundhers,andhepulledherdown."Come,Claire…"

Hetuckedherinnexttohim,herfaceonhischest,hisarmcirclinghershoulder.
Shecouldsmellthesoaphe'dusedintheshower,thefabricsofteneronhisclean
T-shirt.ShecurledherlegsupoverhisandfeltherfootagainstAndie'sleg.Her
daughtersighedandsnuggledinclosertoherdad.

"Iloveyou,Claire.Iloveyou."Thewordssettledlikeawarmblanketaroundher
heartSheputahandtoherhusband'scheekandallowedhereyestorelaxand
close.

"Iloveyou,too."

Shehadn'tfeltthissafehialongtime.

inthemiddleofthenight,Clairefeltsomethingonhercheek.Shereachedto
smoothitaway,thinkingitwasastrandofherhair.Butitwasn't.Itwasahand.

ClaireopenedhereyesandsawAndie,stilllyingnexttoKirk,watchingher.She
reachedup,squeezedAndie'shandandsmiled.

"Mommy."

"I'mhere,honey."

Andiesighed,closedhereyes,andfellbackasleep.

sometimeinthenightJennaandDaisymusthavehadanightmare.Ormaybe
they'djustwokenupandfeltstrangenotbeingatthecottage.Atanyrate,when
morningcameKirksawthatDaisywaslyingnexttoClaire,whileJennawas
partlyontopofhim.

"Daddy?"Jennarolledalittlesotheirfaceswerepracticallytouching."Ifeel
funny."

"Funnyinwhatway?"

"Mytooth."Jennawiggleditwithhertongue,causingtheskinunderherbottom
liptobulge."Checkit,Daddy."

Obligingly,KirkdislodgedhishandfromunderAndie'sshoulders,andreachedhi

totakeatug."Oh."

"Whatisit,Daddy?"Jennaasked,unawarethatshenowhadasmallgapinher
bottomfrontteeth.

"GuesswhatIfound."Heputthetoothinherhand.

"Mytooth!Ilostmytooth!"Jennaboundedupanddownonhischest."Daisy,I
lostatooth,too!"

"Letmesee."DaisyleanedoverClairetogetabetterlook.

"FirstMommysees.''

Clairewasjustwaking,hereyelidsheavyasshebrushedherhairbackfromher
foreheadtopeeratthetreasure."Wow,hon—yourfirsttooth!"

"Kindofnice,isn'tit?"KirkmurmuredinClaire'sear."Havingthemallinbedwith
us."

Itwastheuspartthatwasthebest.HerememberedClairelyingdownwithhim
andAndieearlier.Thatshe'dfallenasleep,stayedthenight,hadtobeagood
sign.

"Alittlecrowded.Butverynice."Clairesmiledathimwithdrowsywarmth."Good
thingwehaveaking-sizebed."

KirkshiftedhislonglegstomakeroomforJennaandDaisy,whowerenow
tumblingatthefootofthebed,ticklingeachotherandgiggling.WhileAndiestill
slept…

"It'sonlygoingtogetmorecrowded.Soonwe'llbesix."

Kirkfocusedonhiswife,wonderingifshe'dconsideredtheimportofthewords
she'djustspoken.

Hethoughtprobablyshehad,judgingbythewayshewaslookingathimright
now,hereyessofullof…

"Iprobablydon'ttellyouthisenough,Kirk,butIthinkyou'reafantasticsuccess.
I'vealwaysbeenproudtobeyourwife."

Love.Herlookwassofulloflove,anditwasdirectedathim.

"Iwanttobeagoodhusbandandfather,Claire."

"Youare."

"IthinkIcouldbebetter."Thissummerhe'dtakenoffeveryweekend.Andit
hadn'tbeenthathard.Surely,ifhewasorganizedanddeterminedandmaybe
sacrificedjustalittleofhisambitionatwork…

Shekissedhimthen,andhepulledherclose,wakingAndiewiththemovement.
Shegroaned,thenturnedover,finallyopeninghereyes.

"We'reallinthesamebed!"Andielookedamazed,andhappierthanKirkcould
remember.

Clairereachedouttoherdaughterinthesameinstantthathedid."Youknow,"
shesaid."Iwanttogatheryouallintheworld'sbiggest,tightesthug.Comehere,
JennaandDaisy."

Theycollapsedinapile,together,andKirksawthetear,justbeforeitfelloff
Claire'scheekontothepillow.Herubbedherskinwithhisfinger,thenkissedthe
spotgently.Hefeltthesamebittersweethappinessthatheknewshewas
experiencing.Howclosethey'dcometolosingallthis.

"Andie?HowaboutfixingyoursisterssomebreakfastsoyourmotherandIcan
getafewmoreminutes'sleep?"

"Daddy,I'mtired,"Andiemoaned.Thenquicklyshesatup."YouandMomare
goingtosleeptogether,right?"

"That'sright."

"Okay.Comeon,kids.I'lltoastyousomefrozenwaffles.Isawtheminthefreezer
lastnight."

"Yay!Frozenwaffles!"JennaandDaisyscootedoutofbed.

Andiehungbackatthedoor."Okay,youguys.Youcangoaheadandsleepnow."
Shesmiledatthem,thenshutthedoorfirmlybehindher.

ClairelookedatKirk."Youdon'tthinkshesuspects…"

"Ofcourseshedoes."Kirkslidhishandinsideherrobeandpulledhertohim
tightly."We'retheoneswhoexplainedittoher,remember?"

"Yes,but…"Sheclosedhereyesinpleasureashebeganmassaginghershoulder.

"HaveItoldyouyetthismorninghowmuchIloveyou?"heasked."Imissedyou
andthegirlssomuchthissummer.Butitdidgivemetimetothinkthingsover.
I'lldowhateverittakestoearnyourtrustagain.Claire,itmayhelpyoutoknow
thatJanicehasleftthefirm."

"Oh?"Hiswifewentstill."Becauseofyou?"

Henodded."Ididn'taskhertoleave,butIwasgladwhenshecametothe
decisionherself."

Claireremainedstiff,andforamomenthefeltahintofpanic.Heshouldn'thave
mentionedthenameofthewomanwho'dalmostcomebetweenthem.

"Isitbecauseyoustillcare…?"

"God,no."Hecoveredhermouthwithakiss."Ijustthoughtitwouldmakeit
easierforyouifshewasn'taround.Nottohavetowonder…"

"Yes.Itprobablywill.ButIdotrustyou,Kirk."

"Claire,thosewordsmeansomuchtome.I'mnotgoingtoletyoudownagain."

"Iknow."Sheranherhandlovinglydownmesideofhisface."Andfortherecord,
there'ssomethingyouneedtobesureof."

"Yeah?"Hecaughtherhandandpressedherfingerstohislips.

"You'rethemanIlove,theonlymanI'dever"choosetomarry."

Kirkbelievedher.Therewasalightinhereyesasshelookedathimthathe
couldn'trememberseeingbefore.Ormaybeithadbeenthereonce,in-the
beginning…

"Kirk,IknowI'veheldbacktoomuchfortoolong.I'mnotgoingtodothat
anymore."

Insideherrobe,hishandfollowedthecurveofherback,downoverherbottom,
thenupthefrontofherthigh.

Thesmallmoanshegavewasencouraging.Hecontinuedthecaress,uptothe
moundofherbelly.

"I'msoexcitedaboutthisbaby,Claire."Heignoredatwingeofanxietyaboutthe
amniotestresults,dueanyday."Canyoubelievewe'regoingtohaveafourth
child?"

"Well,that'swhathappens,youknow."Sheslippedherhanddowntheelastic
waistbandofhissweatpants,drawinginherbreathatfindinghimhardandready.

"Showmeagainhowwedidit,"heurged.

Andshedid.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

CottageCooking,byClaireRidgewayTheimportantthingaboutcookingforthe
holidaysismakingitfun.Ifyouhavetospendthedayinthekitchen—andyoudo
—arrangeforeveryoneelsetobeintherewithyou.Crankupyourfavorite
music.Pouryourselfaglassofsomethingbubblyandlight.Getthekidsshelling
thenutswhileyourhubbychopsveggies.You'retheboss.Letthemgettheir
handsdirty.You'vegotamanicuretoprotect.

Soundlikeapipedream?Well,itprobablyis,unlessyou'vegotcableTVhooked
upwherehubbycanseeitfromthesink,andyou'repreparedtobribeyour
childrenwithlotsoftreatsthatwillspoiltheirappetitefordinner.

Ifnot,fallonthebackupplan,whichistomakethisdressingafewdaysaheadof
time.ServeitwithfreshroastedturkeyandIguaranteeitwillbeahit.Every
yearmyfriendsbegmefortherecipe.Thisyearthey'regettingit"Claire's
HazelnutDressingwithCranberriesandBrandy''…

"Ican'tbelievethesecretisfinallyout."Malloryhelduptheclippingfromthe
previousweek'sissueoftheGazette."Areyousureyoudidn'tleavesomething
out?Somecrucialingredientsonomatterhowmanypeopletrytherecipeit'll
neverbeasgoodasyours?"

"Youareasuspiciousperson,doyouknowthat?"Clairewalkedoutfrombehind
thekitchensink,onlyitfeltmorelikewaddling.Atoversevenmonthsshewas
biggerthanshe'dbeenforanyofherotherchildrenatthisstage.Kirkpulledout
herchair,thenjoggedtotheotherendoftheirmassivepinetable.

Thereweretwenty-oneofthemforThanksgivingthisyear,andshestillcouldn't
believethey'dmanagedtofitaroundonetable.Oneverylongtable,thankstoa
littlequickconstructionworkonGrady'spart.

Claireliftedherglassofnonalcoholicwineandlookedaroundateveryone.
"Toasts?"Sheknewwhatshewoulddrinkto,laterwhenjustsheandKirkwereon
theirown.Toreconciliationsandfamiliesandmakingthewordcommitmentreally
meansomething.

NowGradyhadsomethingtosay.Hewasstanding,holdinghisglassinonehand
andTerese'shandintheother."I'mfeelingprettygoodtoday,andnotjust
becausewe'realltogetherforanotheryear.Shefinallysaidyes,guys.Teresehas
agreedtomarryme!"Gradyraisedhisglasshigh,andacheerbrokeoutaround
thetable.

Clairesmiled,feelingtruehappinessforherfriendandhisfuturebride.She
wasn'tsoconceitedastothinkhertalkwithTeresehadprecipitatedtheyoung
woman'schangeofheart,butshedidhopeithadhelpedjustalittle.Fromthe

wayTeresehadsmiledatherwhenshe'dwalkedintothecottagewithGrady,
Clairewasinclinedtothinkthatithad.

Attheotherendofthetable,shesawthatKirksharedherpleasureatGrady's
announcementand,moreimportant,thatnotraceoftheoldjealousywasleft
betweenthem.

NextPatriciaConroygotuptotoastBuddy'sfirstyearofsemiretirement,then
Drewmadeatoasttooldfriends.Finally,Kirkrose,hiseyesonClaireashelifted
hisglass.

"ClaireandIgottheresultsfromtheamnio-centesisafewweeksago.Wewaited
untilwewerealltogethertoletyouknowthatthebabyisfine—"hepausedfor
cheers,thencontinued"—andtoannouncethatwe'reexpectingaboy."He
blinkedrapidly,thenshrugged."Andjustasweweregettingkindofgoodatgirls,
too."

PoorKirkhadbeeninsuchshockwhenthey'dfirstheardthenews.He'dkept
askingiftherecouldbesomemistake.Somehowthey'dbothexpectedanother
girl.Butitseemedfittingtheyweresteppingoutofthegroove,sincethey'd
changedsomanythingsintheirlifetogether.Smallthings—likethetwoofthem
goingouteveryFridaynight,andKirkreservingSundaysforfamilytime—but
importantthings.Theirrenewedloveandcommitment,Clairewascertain,would
seethemthroughthechallengesthatlayahead.

Afterdinner,andasliceofMallory'spumpkinpiefordessert,eachofClaire'sgirls
cameuptotheirmotherwithquestionsaboutthebaby.

"DoesthismeanI'mgoingtohaveabrother?"Jennaasked.

"Yes,itdoes."

"WillIhavetosharemyroomwithaboy?"Daisyasked.

"WouldyourathersharewithJenna?"

"Oh,yes."

"Thenthat'swhatwe'lldo."

Andiewonderedifyoucouldcuddleaboybabyasmuchasagirl.

"Definitely.Littleboysneedlotsofloving,justlikelittlegirls."

AsGrady'ssonsclearedthetableandTeresefilledthesinkwithwatertodothe
dishes,KirkpulledClaireontohislap."Nocleanupdutiesforyou,chef.Youneed
totakeabreak."

Clairewasn'tabouttoargue.Herfeetwerekillingher.Sheslippedoffhershoes,
andKirkreacheddowntogiveheraquickmassage.

Claireclosedhereyesandpurred."HaveItoldyoulatelyhowwonderfulyou
are?"Allaroundsheheardthesoundsofherfamilyandfriends.Thegirlswere
playingTwisterontheoldpinefloor,andmostoftheadultswerehelpinginthe
kitchen,laughingandjokingasusual.

"Excuseme,youlovebirds,"Gradysaid,walkingpastthem."I'mgoingtolighta
fire.It'sgettingalittlechilly."

"Speakforyourself,"Kirksaid,nuzzlinghisfaceagainstClaire'sneck.

Oncethefirewasgoing,Kirkwhisperedintoherear,"Youknow,Ithinkwecould
slipoutforhalfanhourandnotevenbemissed."

Claireproppedherselfuponherelbows."Whatareyouthinking?"

Kirknoddedoutthewindow.Duskhadsettled;itwasalmostdark."Couldbea
niceeveningforacanoeride."

"Acanoeride?"Clairelaughed,knowingwherethiswasleading.Sheglanced
aroundtheroom.Itwastrue;everyonewasbusy.Noonewasevenlookingtheir
way."Okay."

"Grabacoatonthewayout,"Kirksaid."I'llgetablanket.Meetyouatthepier."

Feelingdeliciouslynaughty,Clairenonchalantlyheadedforthedoor,grabbingat
herfleecejacket,whichhungfromthewall.Makingloveinacanoehadbeena
challengeattheageoftwenty-four.Nowshewastwelveyearsolderandalmost
sevenandahalfmonthspregnant.Thetwoofthemhadtobecrazy.

Justasshewasabouttoslipoutthedoor,shenoticedMallorystandingatthe
counter,watchinghereverymove.

"Sh."Claireputherfingertohermouth.

Mallorygaveaslysmile."Watchoutforowls."

Claireshutthedoor,tryingnottolaugh.Sometimesyourfriendscouldknowyou
toowell.