DYWD Flirtation and Penetration The Art of BOLD Conversation

Flirtation and Penetration:

The Commanding Art of BOLD Conversation

We are here to talk about bold conversations. And I’m going to walk
you through a selection of ways of looking at what that means:
“bold conversation.”

Bold conversation doesn’t mean you walk in and go, “hey, baby,
have sex with me.” That’s not the kind of bold we’re talking about.

There are, rather, two brands of boldness that you need to master.

The first is the boldness of really standing for who you are
unashamedly, unabashedly. Of really standing for whatever
emotion you’re in at the moment, whatever you’re believing,
whatever you’re feeling and being fully that person without
prevaricating, without trying to impress. -‐The kind of boldness that
says what’s on your mind.

For example, I was on a first date with a gorgeous Swedish woman –
a dead ringer for Claudia Schiffer – and yet also profoundly
educated, and deeply spiritual and reflective. She had the best
profile I had ever read online and when we walked into the
restaurant, every single eye was on her – and I had this feeling
everyone was wondering if I was some huge Hollywood producer.

Well, we got talking about a little of this and that, and started
telling our stories about ourselves as you do on dates. But I
stopped myself and said – “by the way, I want to get through the
“how we got here” part of all this – so we can really dive deep and
get to know who we really are – what we really want to create in
life and in intimacy in the coming years.”

She liked that. I broke us right through “small talk.”

Then, later that evening, when she was talking about an ex, I started
to get a picture of her life. She had ALWAYS been gorgeous and so

tended to attract dominant, immature men who wanted her as a
prize. And a truth struck me…

“Can I ask you a personal question?” She nodded. “Have you ever felt
truly seen and loved for you, by a man?”

Tears welled in her eyes. I was right. She shook her head “no.”

This is what I mean about slicing right through the small talk into what I
call “Penetrating Conversation.” When you literally penetrate right
through to the most profound truths that most timid men leave
uncommented upon – you stand out as a man of internal power,
fearlessness and directness.

Young women need and want to admire you – this is a powerful way to
get that relationship with them.

The second way of bold conversation is blowing women away with your
spontaneity, your brashness, your flirtation – without fear, without
worry. Letting your sexual interest be known cleanly.

For example, not too long ago, I walked into a small concert and saw a
beautiful woman sitting along the wall alone, intent on the band. I
noticed her notice me as I walked in, so I sat one seat away. I smiled,
waited a minute, then asked (again – based on intuition) – if she was
with the band. She was – but she made it clear that it was not a
romantic connection. I noted her intent.

“Good,” I said, looking her right in the eyes, my intent unmistakable. No
flirtation, but straight ahead “claiming” of her and of the moment.

She smiled as that sank in then said, “I was hoping you’d next to me.”

With that, I popped over to her side and pressed my butt up against her
and we swayed, body’s touching up and down to the music for a minute
or so.

She smiled at me, and I smiled. It felt great. We were grooving. It was a
sweet moment, but something unmistakable was simmering beneath. I
would not let it pass unremarked upon.

Then she told me later that night in bed the reason why we were in bed
together at that moment.

She told me it was because “within two minutes you said to me, ‘you
know we are going to end up together.’ I liked your confidence.”

Note: I didn’t deliver it as a question. It was a statement. And it was
said straight. No leering. No pressure. No weirdness.

This is flirting at its best. You put all games aside and let the natural
electricity between the masculine and feminine do its work.

Ideally, it’s the dynamic man who knows his worth, “claiming” a woman
who knows hers.

This is the exact opposite of “pick-‐up” where an insecure man puts on a
mask of self-‐worth to invoke the sexual surrender of an even more
insecure young woman who does not have self-‐worth, and desperately
relies upon external validation.

Pick-‐ up is for delayed adolescents. What you will learn here with me is
the opposite of attempting to strut like an inflated buffoon or act like a
preening clown.

I want you operating from your true and deepest self-‐validating heart as
a good man who is worth a good woman’s time.

If you offer anything less than that, you will only attract feeble and
draining women, whatever her age.

Your communicated worth conjures women of similar worth.

I do not want you worrying about impressing anybody at all. This is
perhaps the boldest thing you can actually do around women is not
worrying about impressing women.

One of the main problems with pick-‐up and seduction training done by
20+ year-‐ old “teachers” is it leaves men wondering, “What can I do to
impress her? How can I create the illusion of social value?”

Don’t. Forget about creating the facsimile of social value. Instead, I
want you to CLAIM your actual, earned value as a man – free of the
posturing of local social norms and habits.

The more you immerse yourself in this program and my other programs,
you will see that your actual value is your service to the world and those
you love, your consistency, your word, your steadiness, your ability to
feel your truth and speak your truth, your authenticity even when it
costs you and a selection of other sizzling qualities that women know
makes you hot – but that men tend to overlook. Men tend to think it
has to do with social jostling for a perceived “alpha” position. Though
socially alpha guys tend to be dicks – and often turn off the best women.
Men tend to think it's the external show of value – money, cars, “bling”
– as if that reflects inner value.

It doesn’t. And the good women know this. The ones who will drain
your energy and distract you from your best self and highest purposes
do not. The distracting problem for you is that they are often the ones
who also make the best external show. The bar “hotties.” They will
diminish you in every way, sooner or later. -‐And probably sooner.

I will show you in this program – and really in all my programs-‐ how to
communicate your worth from the inside out, not the outside in. For
our purposes today, I want you to own your worth. I want you to
approach women with your value as a man fully understood and
embodied.

A done deal. Even – and this is important – if you don't feel it or believe
it 100% because you have self-‐doubts and some self-‐worth issues. Only
rabid narcissists don’t, so you’re in good company.

I want you to stop thinking about how you’re impressing women and
instead reflect upon the ways that you are living your life boldly, fully,
masterfully.

My online profile system works because it communicates your worth
from the inside out.

My personal online profiles bring multiple letters a day from the best
women because I’m truly (finally!) in my power in my life, having a great
time, traveling, thinking about big important things like, life and love,
and doing my best to live my authentic ideals. Plus, I am very passionate
about what I do. When I write about that in my profile, women are
attracted because I’m excited about my life.

I’m not writing about it to impress them, though obviously it’s shaped in
such a way to intrigue and inspire them (and to create a clear place for
them in the film of my life I offer). But it comes through – I’m fulfilled.
I’m happy.

And so, you too want to inspire women with your passion.

For whatever happens to be inspiring you! There’s a kind of boldness
that I want you to be in touch with – an internal boldness – and that’s
what you’re passionate about. What turns you on. What you would
knock over high walls to achieve, enjoy, pursue.

Because passion is like a river, it’s like a tsunami. The person with the
dominant passion owns the dynamic of the conversation. The river of
passion crashes through, washes everything along with it downstream.
That’s what your passion feels like for women -‐ and if they can connect
with your passion (not everyone appreciates everyone else’s passion and
that’s okay) – they will feel inspired and turned-‐on by the man you are.

Just as the person with the dominant frame usually determines
the outcome of a social or business interaction, so too the
person with the dominant passion sweeps up the other into his
flow of life.

So if you can access who you are without worrying about how to impress
her, or figure her out and manipulate her, and just fucking be yourself
passionately, it’s the more powerful frame.

There are two ways of living really. There are two ways of interacting
with women.

One is where you live and bring fulfillment.

That means you go out at night. You go online and you communicate
overall that you want to create great experiences with the woman you
like. That’s your goal and women feel it.

That you want to create great experiences with women I like. I’m going
to fulfill myself having a great experience in this life -‐ having fun, being
funny, getting to know people. That’s it. No expectation. No “number

close” and all that bullshit, because your validation comes from within,
not from getting a phone number.

When you’re living bold fulfillment, your validation comes from inside.

Women feel that.

The second way, by contrast, is to seek and to live by validation from the
outside. External validation – is where somebody else controls your
inner state, how you feel about yourself.

That’s not the same thing as going out a night to have a great
experience. That’s the person who goes out with the intention to
impress women or get a “kiss close” or some outward verification that
he has “succeeded” and is now verifiably “worthy.” It’s a very, very
different kind of approach to life – a fragile one -‐ and a very different
kind of approach to women.

Obviously, the first one is happier. It’s a happier experience of life!
You’ll be a happier person. You self-‐ validate. That’s the most mature,
most spiritually advanced way you can live. And the sooner in your years
you can make this transition, the better for you. The happier for you.
The more attractive you are to women.

The less mature, less attractive, less spiritually evolved way is where you
don’t feel good about yourself unless you get a certain response.

And so I want to really ground you in that first way throughout my work,
even though it seems as if it may not get you the immediate response or
“proof” you want.

Yeah, everybody wants to have good responses and everyone wants
what they want NOW.

That ain’t how this ol’ world works.

In the long run, detaching from immediate response and
outside validation really does serve you because you’ll get
the response you want more often – and from the people
you want it from!

If you’re that person, if you really practice self-‐fulfillment, and self-‐
validation, and loving your life, and being passionate about how you’re
actually living your life, the choices you’re making, cultivating happiness,
if you’re doing things you like, if you’re living up to that value system…
then you’ll be full of that great vital energy that women find sexy,
inspiring and irresistible.

That’s the kind of boldness I really want you to focus on. Boldly living
your life. Not necessarily just that “bad boy” stuff of showing that you
are not limited by society’s strictures, which is also a skill set.

I actually want you to have that skill set within your quiver – of showing
that you are spontaneous, unexpected and unpredictable. -‐The bad boy
element.

But I want you to merge it inside your Boldness – which is a higher, more
evolved code. Yes, I teach “bad boy” techniques because I want you to
have the skills, but as you become more comfortable with you it
becomes you who are, subsumed under a larger, more inspiring
embodiment of masculine boldness.

I want you to have all these techniques so that they become part of you
-‐ and you are actually spontaneous and your passion -‐ the way you’re
living -‐ is spontaneous and you communicate that with power and
conviction.

So, I have several categories of bold conversation I want to talk about
here. By the time you finish this piece, you will be prepared to lead
women in conversation boldly and powerfully – whether you are in
flirtation mode or depth mode.

Because they are both essential – and both need to be kept separate
and un-‐blurred.

ON BOUNDARIES AND BOLDNESS

The first category is about boundaries: Boundaries and boldness.
Women are security-‐ seeking creatures. It’s wired into them. They
couldn’t survive on their own in the past, and a million years of history
doesn’t vanish in a century.

Men, by the way, are generally freedom-‐ seeking creatures. And you may
not think that those two go together very well. And guess what?
Sometimes they don’t, especially when each side tries to transform into
something they are not!

When women try to make men domesticated, security-‐ seeking animals
where you’re cutting the lawn, doing the dishes-‐ you feel like your
masculinity is gone after a few years.

And when men try to make women feel too free they get unbalanced
too. They don’t necessarily want our kind of freedom. They want to feel
connected, nested, embedded in a social network, from a family to
community.

We must accept each other for who we are. So women are generally
security-‐ seeking creatures. So let’s apply this…

What upsets her security when you approach her? Do you know what it
is? Your anxiety. So when you come at a woman with an agenda to get
a response out of her, she can sense your anxiety.

You may not be “super” nervous. Maybe it doesn’t mean you’re
shivering or shaking with insecurity. But there’s an approval seeking
aspect to you when you go looking for that feedback response -‐ and
they’ll sometimes read that as anxiety.

Your anxiety, your neediness to be validated by

her response works directly against her greatest

need: security.

That’s not very bold. So I want you to think about that as you approach
women. The more relaxed you are -‐ high energy maybe, maybe not,
that’s okay – the better – and you will be relaxed without the agenda.

So you lose your agenda to extract the reaction. What happens? She’s
actually going to feel more secure around you. That’s another reason to
self-‐validate rather than seek validation from her.

Now, by the way, it’s a nice thing to go out with guys, to be with other
guys because you’re kind of validating each other and you’re not
depending on her response. You can practice being authentic, grounded

in yourself and have the kind of security of simply having each other.
That’s one way to mitigate anxiety.

BOUNDARIES

Now let’s talk about boundaries. It’s very important that when you’re in
a conversation and you don’t stand up for yourself and what you choose
to do or not do, then she’s going to read you as someone who won’t
stand up for her.

So boundaries are essential. Don’t agree with everything she says. It’s
okay to contradict her in a conversation. It’s a bold technique. If you
don’t agree with her, don’t agree with her. You don’t have to get
emotional about it. You don’t have to get [pissy] about it. You don’t have
to attack her about it, but stand for your boundaries.

There’s nothing more masculine than a person saying “I really disagree
with you, here’s why.” Now here’s the essential part -‐-‐ not convincing
her that she has to change her mind, but just standing comfortably in
your own boundary.

So think about contradiction as a way to establish your bold will. -‐
Because we’re talking about boldness as asserting your will in the world
without actually having to make a big deal out of it.

If she said something offensive, then you could say, “I found that really
offensive. Thank you. I enjoyed speaking with you but I’ll be moving on
now.” I’ve had one girl I started dating admit she was racist. I let her
know that was 100% uncool with me.

Now maybe your girl makes a mistake sometimes, maybe she really is
offensive, maybe she really was a little drunk or maybe she got carried
away with herself. It happens. I’ve said things in jest that might be read
as offensive.

But when you mark your boundaries with a woman, it shows that you’re
more invested in your self-‐validation than her validation of you. You’re
not trying to “nice” her to death. You’re not trying to agree with her to
death. You’re not her lap-‐dog.

And you’ll be surprised. You’ll really be surprised if you contradict, again
without acting pissy or getting emotionally involved in your

contradiction. That’s one way to get her attention. She’ll think, “Wow.
This guy stands for himself. That’s awesome.”

And a really great woman will say, “you know what? I don’t agree with
you but I like how you handle yourself.” That will happen.

Do not be afraid of contracting women but – listen closely – stay cool
about it. James Bond. Steve McQueen. Don’t bring anxiety to it and
don’t bring your emotional ego to it. Don’t make your ego dependent on
trying to convince her she’s right. There’s a big difference. You just set
your boundary, state your truth nice and easy, nice and cool.

She will usually respect that if she’s a good woman.

SUBTEXT AND INTENTION

The second category is about subtext, sub communication and what
your intention is. You can say the same thing in different ways – a way
that’s attractive, commanding, open, honest, bold – or in a way that is
supplicating, beggarly, needy and week.

When I was doing workshops with David Deida (author: The Way of the
Superior Man – read it!) -‐we would do practices just to practice
intonation, men and women together. He would have you sit opposite
of a woman eye to eye in a chair, you look at her and you say one line in
20 different ways. “I love you. I love you.” Like that. 20 different ways.
Pained. Thrilled. Bitter. Confused. Desolate. Same words – utterly
different meanings!

Then we started saying even more charged things: “I want to kill you.”
Cool. Weak. Scared of the words themselves. Sexy.

So whatever you say -‐ it’s not so much just the words, there’s always the
tone, and intention and subtext of what’s going on.

Dr. Robert Glover’s talks about the three T’s -‐ tease, touch and tell,
when you at first converse with a woman. Remember to tease her a
little bit so you don’t come off as the person of lesser status. Touch her
for sure, on the upper arm at first is safest, but her hand may be the
most appropriate and easiest – just make sure there is some physical
contact which indicates you are not “afraid” to touch her (it’s a subtle

form of claiming. And finally, tell her to do something. It could be
something as simple as “hold this.”

But you can also tell her to do something naughty. Now there’s an
intention when you tell her to do something naughty. Even if she
doesn’t consciously get what you’re doing, something in her “gets” it.
She knows you’re playing the game now. She knows there’s a sub-‐
communication that, “oh he’s telling me to do something naughty. He’s
playing the dominant role. I’m playing the submissive role.” Again, this
could all be subconscious, but it’s there.

She may not be processing all those words but she’s going to feel that
and it’s a sexy moment. That’s why that’s so good. My friend Carlos
Xuma likes to say, “tell the girls go grab me some of those cherries off
the counter and be naughty. I know you’re naughty.”

Or say, in the first few minutes of conversation with a girl, “you know
what I like about you? You’re spontaneous. You’re adventurous. You’re
a maverick.”

[credit where credit is due – that line is from my fearless friend and
teacher of assertive seduction

www.JasonCapitalDating.com

Think about it... what girl is going to say, “I’m not spontaneous.” You
can say, “you know what I like about you -‐ you’re not a bullshitter.” It’s
very hard for a woman to disagree with that!

If you read the book, Influence by Robert Cialdini, he shows you that
there are six basic ways of influencing people including the compliance
that comes with consistency. Which means -‐-‐ if you say something like
“you’re naughty, you’re adventurous, you’re spontaneous” and she
doesn’t disagree, subconsciously the way the mind is programmed, the
way anyone is programmed, now she feels compelled to live that out.

She has to be consistent with what you’ve just established. So it’s a very
good technique. It’s a little bit naughty. It’s a little bit manipulative
maybe. But it’s a great thing to do set it up, the subtext, the intention
early on you’re naughty. You’re spontaneous. I like that about you.
Boom.

That’s all right in the beginning. She’s going to subconsciously want to
prove that you were right because she didn’t disagree with you.

So knowing your intention is very important. -‐Your sub-‐communication.
It’s very, very important to be aware of the tone of how you say things,
where your voice is and whether you’re again internally or externally
seeking validation. You want to always avoid seeking validation that
you’re okay because she’s making you okay.

THE SUBTEXT OF SEXUALITY

Now let’s talk more about subtext. Sexuality is always a subtext when it’s
a man and a woman -‐-‐ and either you get it on the table or you take it
off the table. If it’s a business situation, you want to take it off the table.
If it’s a social situation, hell, maybe you want to take it under the table.
J

There are so many ways to create subtext. It could just be your voice. I
discovered this years ago with a woman when I was on the phone with
her. I growled. She responded. She let me know how sexy that felt to
her – a deep masculine growl.

Now I do it naturally. It feels good for me – it takes me out of my (busy)
head and puts me in my feral masculine body.

I do it when I kiss a girl. I might kiss her body; then hover my mouth
over her, soaking up her deliciousness and kind of growl, or purr. It
sounds like a, “hmmmmmmmm.”

It creates electricity because I’m not doing it as a technique – by now,
I’m genuinely feeling the force and allure of her beauty and reflecting it
back through my primal, raw appreciation.

That creates a highly sexual grounding for higher levels of connection –
at the emotional, personality, healing or spiritual levels. Without the
raw aspect, we are buddies. With it, we are interconnected lovers.

One woman once said to me that it sounded like a “yum.” I love that!
Because it is exactly that! It’s a gigantic “yum” – a tasting of the heady
perfume of a woman’s femininity.

She said, “I gives me shivers in my body!”

A man’s throaty growl is a feral, wild animal thing.

Growl hungrily over her.

The low rumble of a man’s voice has an impact on her body.

I want you to think about what else your voice does to her.

What’s the subtext in every moment? What are you dropping in there
with your voice, or body or words? How are you letting her know she’s
sexy to you? How is your breathing? Deep and powerful and settled, or
anxious and shallow? Is your intonation rising at the end of sentences so
that what should be a declarative statement comes off as a question (as
in, “Once? At band camp…?”)

Let’s apply your feral intention to the words that come out of your
mouth…

I describe what I call the “sexy sandwich” in my other programs on
confidence and boldness. This is my adaptation with a technique I
learned studying marketing and business leadership.

I read a lot about business because it’s dealing with people and I’m
fascinated. I read broadly about marketing, and leadership dynamics and
how people interact.

There’s something called the “compliment sandwich” in business where
if you have something important, but not necessarily easy to hear for a
lackluster employee, for example, and you don’t want to bum them out
and shut them down. So you give your important critique sandwiched
between two compliments of what they do well (not bad for parenting,
you dads out there).

For women, I created something called the “sexy sandwich” which is
where you tell her that she’s sexy in between two other things. It creates
a casual, non-‐needy electric subtext. You say something like…

“I’m really having fun with you. You’re sexy. This is fun.
You’re cool.”

Simple. Subtle. Buried. Just no big deal.

Notice that you’re not seeking validation. You’re not begging anything
from her. You’re not fawning over her. You’re not complimenting her to

death. You’re just sitting back having an observation. You’re sexy. This is
fun. You’re cool.

Boom. Like that. And she heard the word, “sexy” but you didn’t make a
big deal out of it. You’re not looking for anything. You’re dropping it, like
it means nothing to you, like you do it all the time, like you have sexy
girls all the time.

It really works even if you’re not around sexy girls all the time. Try doing
that. It’s a nice little subtext. The subtext of the sexy sandwich is that it’s
not a big deal. Her being sexy is not a big deal. Now I’ll say it all the time.

Part of it is that I live in LA so everyone is sexy. Not everyone but damn
there’s a lot of sexy people here! So it’s not really that big a deal
anymore for me and by saying it the way I am telling you, you are
erasing that as a power base of hers. You are evening things out – which
is especially important if she considers her youth a huge power
advantage over you.

If you live in places where not everyone is so sexy, maybe you’re
awestruck when you run into somebody who just blows you away. But
wherever you live, cultivate your easeful dominance with the sexy
sandwich. Great technique! Be cool with it.

It’s not a big deal. The subtext is that her sexiness is one of the qualities
that’s attractive and that’s cool. It’s not a big deal.

THE THREE TYPES OF WOMEN YOU WILL MEET

Okay. The third thing I want to talk about is this is something I learned
from a guy named Mark Manson. He used to teach approach in Boston.
He has the teaching about three types of girls. That wherever you go
online, offline, there’s going to be three types of girls.

There’s the type of girl who is going to be receptive to you right away
whether it’s because she’s horny, or she’s looking for a guy, or she likes
the way you look, or she’s just dying to go home with someone that
night, or she walked with a group of friends and she likes your ride or
she saw you on stage -‐ whatever. She’s receptive.

Then there’s the absolutely unreceptive girl. Forget the unreceptive girl
even though part of you is going to want to conquer her. We love

challenges. We’re men. We like to fight. We like to hunt. That’s how we
evolved. And there’s something in the seduction world where it’s like, “I
want to get that girl who’s really bitchy to me. I want to get that girl who
turned me down cause there’s a victory in it.”

We like victories. But it’s for your ego only; it’s revenge for the girls in
high school who turned you down. So, forget about it. There’s a much
better category for you to bring your attraction skill sets -‐-‐ which is the
third category: neutral territory.

This is the kind of girl who is in-‐ between. This is where your abilities
come in. This is where your boldness comes in.

So the first kind is receptive girl. She’s receptive to you. She smiles at
your first joke. She’s warm and interested. Tilted her head when you
started talking. Fantastic. That’s when your job is to come in and you
start raising that temperature right away. You can start choosing those
levels to go deeper, to polarize her, to get her more interested, to
challenge her up into her most adventurous self. To offer, in subtle
ways, liberation for her, adventure, excitement, spontaneity – all of
which is a subtle way of creating a seedbed for sexuality. It’s that easy.

Again – second -‐ the unreceptive girls I’m telling you. Do not court
rejection. I know it’s tempting. But it’s a waste of your time and it’s a
waste of your life.

I’m going to give you a little extra gift here that I figured out years ago: I
stopped using the term “wasting time” and I started using the term
“wasting life.” -‐Because you’re not wasting time. Time is fine. There’s
plenty of time. But you don’t have a lot of time.

So you’re wasting your life. Don’t waste your life on doing stuff that’s
going to make you unhappy. So don’t bother with unreceptive girls.
Again unreceptive doesn’t mean she’s rejecting you.

It really has nothing to do with you. Maybe she’s in a bad mood. Maybe
you are like her ex. Maybe she just likes a different kind of guy. It
doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. And the more you get into bold
self-‐validation, the less a girl’s rejection and disinterest in you will
matter. Which is a happy place to be in life.

There are millions of girls. It doesn’t matter who “rejects you.” So I can’t
say it strong enough. Just let it go. Move on.

Online, offline just let it go. Not everybody has to be attracted to you. As
the saying goes, or should go – “there’s an ass for every paddle.” You
don’t have to get all the asses for your paddle.

By the way, when I say this to girls to demonstrate my at-‐easeness with
abundance, I always say, “As my grandmother says, there’s an ass for
every paddle.”

It adds that extra bit of humor and ease.

Now.

The neutral girls. The ones who are not sure about you at first sight.
The ones who have flirted with the idea of being with an older guy – but
have not done it yet.

This is where your boldness comes in. A neutral girl is on the fence. She
doesn’t really quite know about you yet. Maybe she doesn’t think you’re
the best looking guy in the world but you’re not bad, or maybe she’s not
sure how you dress or how you’re holding your body. She’s not really
sure. She’s not rejecting you but she’s also not convinced. What you’ve
got to do in this instance, and this happens a lot, is to assertively polarize
her one way or another -‐ and the sooner the better.

[For more on boldness as a mode of being and way of living
and especially to bust through the 5 make-‐or-‐break
moments with women – please see my video at

www.TheBoldnessCode.com

]

The common language of fear around the neutral girl is “the friend
zone.” That’s an asexual place, an asexual dynamic. You want to get out
of that quickly. You don’t want it to go on forever. And so you polarize
her -‐ and there are different ways to polarize her.

Some are more risqué, and bold, and flirtatious, and some are deeper
and go right to heart of the matter.

The key thing is -‐and I’m going to hit this hard-‐ You’ve got to take action.
The action could be flirting. The action could be teasing her with that

push-‐pull stuff, but it can’t be adolescent. The action could be
expressing direct sexual interest.

You could say, “that dress makes you incredibly sexy. You should know
I’m struggling every single second not to dip you and give you the most
romantic, sweet, sustained kiss.”

[note: by using the romance novel language and images, its harder for
her to resist]

Or you can be 100% authentic and just say, “I really like you. You’re
really fun, smart and sexy. I’m going to get to know you better tonight. I
want you to know, I think you’re really unique.”

Like that. No flirting. No nonsense. Straightforward.

THE ART OF POLARIZING

It’s a choice. You can also flirt. It doesn’t matter. But one of your choices
is to really, directly state your sexual interest in her without any
neediness. And in fact, by doing that, or by teasing her or by making a
really off-‐color joke, you’re polarizing her into either attraction or not
attraction.

And it doesn’t matter which way she goes. That’s the point. The act of
polarizing her is the bold act. And if she’s not going to like you because
you’re bold, okay, she’s not going to like you, but at least you can move
on to the next girl.

The key is you want to do something polarizing within the first few
minutes so it doesn’t just go on neutrally. Now I’m going to give you
some more examples now of what you can do…

One way of polarizing girls is you can state a big truth. You can look at
her and say “you know I’m looking at you and part of me tells me that
you’re kind of bored with this crowd tonight. I see you looking around
the room and I sense that you want to be doing something more
exciting. That you want to be somewhere else.”

And see what she says. You’ve now peered into her, and you penetrated
into her and you stated the truth. That’s awesome. That’s one way of
polarizing her.

Now, sometime girls will say, “What do the fuck do you know about me?
You don’t know me.” That’s a very New York thing to say!

Or, sometimes they might say, “What do you have in mind?”

If they say, “you know, you’re right,” then you’d better have a
suggestion ready for her, to take her somewhere else right at that
moment. That will be your cue.

[Note – polarizing her this way, you’re stating the truth. You’re not just
saying “so where are you living. Are you having a good time tonight?” -‐
like every other guy in the room. Who gives a fuck, right? She gets that
all the time.]

You state a truth about her, or a truth about the room or crowd.

Another way -‐ you can be very vulnerable. Say something true about
yourself. You can say something polarizing about your sexual feelings.
Now, again, something that’s not crass. I’m not going to say, “Oh you’re
sexy, I want to fuck you.”

I may be thinking that. But you can say things like, “you’re really sexy.
Stop it! Stop being so sexy. If you keep being that sexy, I’m going to
have you pull you into the corner and make out with you. It’s really
sexy the way you did that. I like watching you. You’ve got a really
beautiful grace.”

By the way, one of my favorite words with women, and they love the
word, is “grace” because it’s a way of saying sexy without seeming
needy. It’s not saying the same thing every guy says.

The key is: don’t hide your sexual agenda. Polarize her clearly. If you’re
interested in the girl-‐ I don’t care what you’ve read by young pick-‐ up
guys that you should never show that you’re interested because that
lowers your status. No. What lowers your status is being needy.

What raises your status is standing in your truth. Without
embarrassment, fear, hesitation or fear of rejection.

So say, “You’re cool and you’re sexy. I’m going to get to know you better
tonight.”

State what you’re doing. Let her know your intentions. And then go on
to the conversation. Don’t hide your sexual agenda.

Dr. Robert Glover (author of the great book,

No More Mr. Nice Guy

) and

I spend a week now and then in Puerto Vallarta, talking over many
margaritas on the beach.

And one of his mottos is “nothing hidden, nothing half-‐assed.”

He spent years hiding his personal truths and that took a toll. Most
“nice guys” do that. They are afraid to claim women openly and without
subterfuge. So that has become his personal motto. I learned that
about him when I told him that he was one of the most content men I
had ever known. He told me it wasn’t always that way. It started when
he took on this new way of being.

Now it’s your turn.

Hide nothing. If you find someone sexy, tell her she’s sexy, and without
need. That’s the key thing. Nothing hidden, nothing half-‐assed.

So for instance, if you are going to be in a conversation or going on a
date with a girl, say, “Come on, bring you’re A-‐game.” Or “don’t forget
to bring you're A-‐game.”

Bring everything that you got. I want to see what you got.

Dr. Glover talks about “challenging women up.” So he kind of polarizes
them either way. If she’s flirting, he’ll say, “You call that flirting? Come
on, bring your A game. I want all of you!”

He calls them out to tell their truth, which is a great thing to do. That’s a
bold thing to do. Do it.

You’re not afraid of what a woman thinks of you, or what they say or do
because you are in the process of self-‐validating all the time. Self-‐
validating is a fancy way of saying you’re having a kick ass time in your
life. You’re enjoying your life. You’re doing things that you like. You don’t
care about her approval.

I know it feels difficult sometimes when you’re not having sex, when you
don’t have a woman in your life. You really want their approval. But the

more you want it, the more you’re needy, the less you’re going to get it.
The more anxiety you’re bringing to them and the less secure they feel.
So don’t hide. Bring your A game and playfully demand that she bring
hers.

State your truth. That’s bold. The happier you allow yourself to be while
standing in your truth, the more attractive you’ll be. That’s how it goes.

And the more you practice it, the more attractive you’ll be.

Over time, the more natural it becomes.

Here’s another way to polarize her and avoid creating “the friend zone.”

I had a girl cancel on me for a first date and I think she had another date,
or I don’t know what it was. It was a bullshit cancel. It was like 5 o’clock
in the afternoon. So I said, “no problem. We’ll get together again except
next time you’re buying drinks.” Now this one girl said, “no I’m not.”

That was it. I never wrote to her again. I polarized her. If she said, “lol
okay, that’s fair” -‐ that’s awesome. That’s a great girl! Now we have
something to go on.

This girl said, “No I’m not.” Okay. That gives me clarity. She feels
privilege. She thinks she can cancel on me at 5 o’clock. Guess what? I
don’t want to be with someone like that.

Buh-‐bye.

It diminishes you to tolerate people treating you shabbily.

Another great thing Dr. Glover and I discussed over those giant drinks on
the Mexican beach. He’s been through a lot of shit in his life. He’s 56.
He’s been through a lot, gained a lot of wisdom, made a lot of mistakes.
And one of the things he said to me is,

“I’ve cleared out anyone who doesn’t make me happy in my life.”

There are plenty of people in the world. So this girl who says, “no I’m not
going to buy you a drink.” That’s fine. Clear her out. I have no problem
cutting her off, because I also know with online dating, there are plenty
of women around: there are millions of women. Seeing abundance and

learning how to cultivate it -‐-‐ gives you the strengths and boldness you
want.

Listen – sure, you may hurt for a second because you lost someone who
you thought you might have something with, but you’ve shown them
that you’re a person with boundaries. Guess what?

A week or so later, that girl called me back. She wrote back to me saying,
what’s going on? So showing your boundaries shows your self-‐respect.

Again if you show you don’t stand up for yourself, she will feel insecure
because she won’t believe that you’ll stand up for her when the time
comes.

Remember, women are security-‐seeking creatures. They want to know
you have your boundaries and that you keep them. They don’t want you
to be pissy about the – in other words -‐ no emotions here -‐ but they do
want your boundaries held steadily.

Here’s some more ways to take polarizing action. You can ask her a
really great question. You really get to the truth of who she is. If she says
what she’s doing, she’s just talking about her work, you can interrupt her
blah, blah, blah small talk with something very direct like:

“Can I ask you a personal question?” – then wait for her response. “Do
you love what you’re doing? Is this the life you really want to live?”

That’s polarizing. A guy who is afraid of women will never say that.

They’ll go “oh that’s interesting. That’s very cool.”

If she saying something and you sense that she doesn’t love her life, ask
that huge question – but from a place of genuine care and curiosity: “Is
the life you really want to be living?”

And she’ll look at you for a second and if she’s any kind of open, she’ll
likely say, “you know, actually it really isn’t.”

Then you can REALLY step it up.

Say to her, “tell me what you really dream about. What do you really
want to do?”

And really be interested. In my book

Deep Online Attraction

(it used to

be called Net2Bed/Net2Wed) when I first started dating, I was so
excited. I wrote to everybody. It was really fun. And there was one girl
who was just off the chart, smoking LA super-‐ hot.

And what those girls tend to do is to not write very much because they
know they can get 200 emails every day. So I wrote to her, “you don’t
say very much in your profile, but I’m curious what do you dream of in
your life? What are your dreams?”

And she wrote back and I actually printed the answer in my book. And
she’s kind of funny because she seemed so excited; she used about 10
mixed metaphors. She wrote, “ you hit the nail in the head!” I don’t
know what nail that is, personally, but she added – “that’s the sweetest,
most caring question anyone has ever asked me.”

Now on the one hand that was awesome for me because I got to meet
her and she was so into me for asking. She was adorable but pretty
much as empty headed as she sounds. But it was just fine for me, then. I
didn’t care. I was so hungry for female sexual companionship after a
long drought in my marriage.

But at the same time, it was kind of sad for her because apparently
nobody fucking ever asks her what she dreams of. Nobody cares what
she really wants or feels. Why? Because she’s so hot. Everyone wants
to be with her, and be on her side and suck up to her.

So don’t be afraid. Be the man who cuts beneath the surface. It’s okay
to interrupt her even if your questions are good and sincere enough:

“What would make you ecstatic instead of just happy?”

[This is a way of showing that you care. You can word it differently for
different people. Just this week, I asked my mother, who has been
feeling down and bit bored since my father’s passing –“what would
make you happy instead of just content?” I care about her and I want
her happiness. That is the spirit I want you to bring to all women.]

Another way of showing care is to ask, “Describe to me a day when you
would be ecstatic, your perfect day? Start with how you wake up and
where…”

Now you get into who she really is, you open up her imagination,
including her sensory or erotic imagination. So that’s great. Next, again,
the other way to polarize by the way is to ask her to come home with
you.

Her response to that can’t matter to you. Of course, you’re going to
want her to go home with you. But guess what? When you really get
good at this and you like somebody, you could say to her, “you know,
you’re really beautiful. It was so natural, and warm and easy talking with
you tonight.”

Then take her hands and say “I would love for you to come home with
me tonight.” Just like that. And if you haven’t seen the scene in Vicky
Christina Barcelona. Go get the movie. I talk about this scene a lot. It’s
awesome. I got chills watching it. When Javier Bardem walks over to the
table with Scarlet Johansson and her friend, and invites them to go fly
with him to this other city because he wants to show them this little
church. There’s a little statue in it or something that he says it makes
him cry.

Scarlett’s friend says, “you probably just want us to go to bed with you
and you’re hoping we’ll both have sex with you, me, or her or maybe
both.” And he says, “yeah that would be great.”

And then he says something magnificent: “I’m coming to you with no
subterfuge. You’re beautiful women. It’s a beautiful day. I want to have
a great experience with you. If we end up in bed together, fantastic.”

No subterfuge. There’s nothing hidden, nothing half-‐assed. He’s totally
honest about that. That was a great thing to do. Guess what. She might
say yes and she might say no, and in the end, it doesn’t matter.

Watch that movie; you really should see that scene. It’s a great movie
anyway. But if you could really see that non-‐neediness of how he
approaches. He’s very matter of fact about it. He actually says the line. “I
come to you with no subterfuge.” And says, more or less, “I’m telling
you exactly what I want. I want to go there. We’ll drink wine. We’ll have
a great meal. We’ll look at the art. We’ll go home. We’ll make love.”

Damn I love that scene!

Why not? We’re human beings. We’re creatures.

Check out that scene.

I think you’re getting the theme of bold conversation here: which is no
subterfuge and being unattached to outcome. It’s self-‐validation, not
needing to be validated by others.

It’s fulfilling your own life.

HUMOR AS POLARIZING

In addition to polarizing by being totally honest, you can polarize by
using sexual or off-‐color humor, being controversial or confrontational.
It doesn’t mean you’re being crass and gross.

But it means you might use some humor that shows that you’re not
afraid to polarize, that sexuality doesn’t scare you.

I used to work in comedy, with National Lampoon, so I know a lot of
comedy and comedians. My buddy from those days has a knack of using
great lines in conversation. When a woman says to him, do you have a
tattoo? He says, “yeah I have a tattoo of a huge cock of my cock.”

Hilarious line. Great line. And he doesn’t make a big deal out of it but it’s
funny that he says it. He’s not afraid to use that language. And women
get that he’s unafraid.

I use that line not too.

I will quote Chris Rock. I will quote Doug Stanhope, Louis CK. I will quote
David Cross, Greg Geraldo (especially on “Girlfriends vs. Bitches”) Bill
Hicks. There are certain comedians who tell the truth in an off-‐color way.

Back in Mexico there was a woman I met and she was cute! And I
couldn’t tell what was going on between us – was she game or was she
repressed?

I had a choice between empty small talk/polite jokes or a polarizing joke.
Because remember we’re still talking here about how to polarize the
neutral girl who you can’t really read yet.

This woman she was really nice, very pretty and we were talking. She sat
in the stool between my buddy and me, and I said something like “I

know you’ve been wanting a guy sandwich, so I’m glad we could be the
men to give that to you tonight.”

Yes, loaded with margarita-‐fueled innuendo.

Guess what? She ended up telling us two seconds later that she sold sex
toys for 10 years! She was way more racy than we were, and it was on!

(if you don’t think women are as sexual or MORE sexual than we men
are, then read: “

What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science

of Female Desire

”. That’ll cure you!)

If I didn’t say something racy, if I didn’t polarize her out of neutrality, I
never would have known that she spent 10 years doing sex toy parties.

So by being bold by polarizing someone out of neutrality in this case
with something racy, I learned -‐ guess what -‐ she’s more racy than me.
That’s how you do it. So the lesson here again -‐ I’ll restate it -‐ is you
want to polarize that neutral girl either through teasing, through stating
some very deep truth or some real vulnerability, and authentic about
yourself, through off-‐color humor, through physicality, taking her hand,
putting your arm around her, pushing the hair off her face, as if you
already are a couple.

These are polarizing actions where you break her out of neutrality. Do
what feels natural. Try different ones. See what’s good for you.
Sometimes they work. Sometimes they don’t. But the point is you’ll
never know unless you break her out of that neutral state. You want to
be that life changing presence to her. So any of these things will do. You
can’t be that life changing presence, that bold man by just being neutral
back to her, by lingering in the friend zone.

Ask her, “What’s your favorite thing in the world?”

Care. Go deep inside of her if you use that language. Find out what her
passions are. And when she tells you what her deep passions are, boom,
now you can connect about something that actually matters to her.

Classic ”nice guys” would rather be safe rather than being intimate,
vulnerable, truthful, bold, polarizing. They want to say safe. There’s a

shame. “I’m so nice. I’m agreeing with everything. I’m hoping she’s
going to like me.”

There’s actually a shame that you’re afraid to be seen, that you’re afraid
to stand out, that you’re afraid to be rejected. This is what you have to
let go. That you’re afraid that you won’t boldly state what you believe
and you won’t set a boundary that you won’t stand up for, for yourself
because you really want that date.

Then you can’t say that I’m sad, or I’m grieving or I’m really hurt. That’s
vulnerable. That’s also bold. Boldly stating what’s true. The nice guy, the
opposite of bold, is afraid of all those things.

No. 1 -‐ they’re afraid of being rejected. On a deeper level they’re afraid
to be seen at all – for fear of being exposed. Truly seen. Because they
are not being free and true in the world. They are wearing the mask of
“nice” – repressing who they really are.

This is why the nice guy is not trustable to women.

If you haven’t read

No More Mr. Nice Guy

, get the book. It’s a really

good book. One of the practices he gives is go somewhere where
nobody knows you, across town.

Take a vacation to a different city and just go out and talk to people, and
try these techniques I’ve given you above so you don’t mind being seen
by people. There’s no investment in that. You don’t know who they are.
They don’t know who you are. That’s actually a practice. Go to a
different country. Go where nobody knows you.

Remember: you always train people how to treat you by how you stand
for yourself. So if someone is insulting at all to you, don’t allow it.
Don’t allow people in your life to treat you badly.

Dr. Glover says, for example, that a practice for a man who is too “nice”
and has too few boundaries, that you need to say, “if you want to hang
with me, this is how you need to treat me” -‐ and he sticks by that.

And they’ll come back with some kind of insult or argument. He says no.
“I’m not saying that I’m the king of the world or anything weird. I’m just
saying if you want to hang with me this is how you have to treat me.”

Straight, plain and simple. Again, you’re not needy about it. You’re just
setting your boundaries. You’re saying, “This is who I am.”

Now if you have anyone in your life: mother, brother, so called friends,
ex-‐girlfriend, co-‐workers, you need to set your boundaries. Remember if
you don’t stand for yourself, women won’t believe you’ll stand for them -‐
and they’ll be right.

When you do this, you’re investing in yourself rather than investing in
someone else’s approval.

LEVERAGING YOUR PASSION

Finally, one of the last ways of polarizing a girl is to talk about your
passion -‐ with passion.

This is one of my favorites, because I’m a great passionate guy. I’m a 7
on the enneagram, if you know what that is – my personality type is “the
enthusiast” – so this comes naturally and I have seen often how women
get swept up in me, and fall for me when I talk enthusiastically about
what I love.

I live on passion. I personally hate the idea of living without being
passionate about what I’m doing everyday. Of being bored or doing
repetitive work. I’m keenly aware that I have only one life. So I want to
do stuff that I’m really passionate about.

And I have learned the more passionate you are about who you are and
what you’re doing, the more women are going to be caught up in that
river of passion.

This is not only about your work. It could be about your kids. Your
community. Your hobbies or sports or side-‐interests, your charities,
your ideas.

Whatever turns you on can inspire and turn on a

woman if you show you are passionate about it.

It is more a turn-‐on to a young woman if you are passionate about
building houses for the poor than your golf game? Yeah.

Young women tend to be idealistic – and so the more you can show that
you are in service to the world, that you are not just some narcissist
trying to get pussy – the more they will be INSPIRED.

How do you do that?

Well, actually it starts with your job.

When a woman asks what you do for a living – don’t answer directly.

Don’t give a job title – that’s a dead end. It raises pre-‐conceived notions
and stops the conversation often.

Rather – talk about who you serve. For example, if you are an
accountant – “I help families organize their finances so they can take
more time together and enjoy their years while the kids are young.”

Do you see how that lands on the young woman’s ears better than, “I do
taxes”?

Whatever you do – construction (“I build homes for families”) or
professional – you are doing something for someone.

Or…

Her: “What do you do for a living?”

You: “You know what I love best about what I do?...”

Then launch into a story where you draw her into a tale of how you were
a hero at work, or how much you love the people you are with or the
feeling of satisfaction you got after a job well done.

Tell the story! That’s much more intriguing and attractive than a job
title.

Everybody loves a good story, well told.

In fact, that’s how humans have learned during most of our evolution. A
good story around a campfire. Get into a story about the high point of
whatever it is that you do for a living. The impact you’ve had on
somebody or the excitement you had. Something that’s exciting.

Let your passion express and she’ll be interested. If she’s not interested,
fine. Okay then you know she’s not going to be into you. But at least
you polarize her out of that neutral state.

I hate the term small talk. I’m bored with small talk. I don’t have time
for small talk.

In my 20s I used to say, “I like big talk.” Big ideas. What’s huge? What’s
interesting? What passionate? What’s inspired? That’s all I ever cared
about.

My friend David Wygant and I had a fantastic teaching session in The
Boldness Code program[

www.TheBoldnessCode.com

] which teaches

men how to bring BOLDNESS to every aspect of your life.

We were talking about how to cut through the B.S. and the small talk
that happens when you first meet a girl – and how quickly you can bore
them and bore yourself.

In that class we talked about how we can just cut through the small talk
and say something like…

“You know, we can talk about our hobbies. We can talk about all
these things. But ultimately if there’s going to be something
between us – a unique connection, energy -‐ if there’s going to be
connection between us, if there’s going to be energy between us, it
really comes down to how we feel with each other. So why don’t
you just tell me how do you want to feel with your man?”

Do you feel the power of that? Do you feel the warmth of words like
connection and energy? Do you feel the boldness of asking directly
what’s in HER interest rather than slathering her in the neediness of
your’s.

It’s a great question to ask a woman because it puts her in her perfect
zone, which is feeling. And now she gets to project that feeling –
describing it – on and to you. She’s going to give you everything you
need to know regarding how to connect with her by the way.

So how are you going to feel with your men? She goes, “what do you
mean?” -‐Well how do you want to feel? Do you want to feel protected?

Do you want to feel provoked? Do you want to feel challenged? Do you
want to be bickering and bantering? Some people like argumentative
relationships, do you? What didn’t work for you in previous
relationships? Wow, you’ve never really been seen and appreciated for
the depth of who you are, have you?

This is the gift of an older man – we have the perspective and wisdom to
see what is true and what is needed. We (if you have matured) do not
just run around with your little ego trying to get, get, get. We can FEEL
other people in their depth.

And listen – when you listen – you will learn what you need to know
about a young woman – and whether she is going to be right for you.

“Some women want really safe relationships. Some women want
to have adventurous relationships. Some people want to sit on the
sidelines. Some people want to go dancing till four in the morning.
Tell me how you want to feel? Do you long to feel, do you want to
feel adventurous. Talk to me…”

See how this works? Show an interest in the IMPORTANT THINGS.

And then you could also say something like this.

“Describe to me a perfect day with your perfect man on a
Sunday. But don’t just tell me what you’re doing. Tell me how
you’re feeling throughout the day. Because ultimately -‐ if we
really connect, I want to know what truly makes you happy.
If we can make each other feel that way then we’ve really got
something.”

You can also say something electric and polarizing…

“Because if we can’t make each other felt he way we
each like to feel, we should end this date right now.”

Now when you say that, it provokes her. Holy shit! He’s sitting a
boundary. He’s not just trying to win me over! Wow! He’d be ready to
end this date if it didn’t fit his personal standards. That’s awesome.
That’s bold. That’s powerful.

“But you don’t leave it there. After you let it sink in, then you
say, “…but if we can make each other feel the way we want to
feel in relationship. This can be a really beautiful thing.”

You offer that promising vision of the future… and then let her speak.
Let her fill in the detail of your beautiful future relationship. See how
this works? Your job: shut up. Let her talk. Hold the space for her to
fill in all the delicious details about her fulfilled relationship with you.

So how do you like to feel with a man?

That’s a great question. And contextualize it that way for her. As in,
“We can do small talk but what really matters is how we feel with each
other. So how do you want to feel with your man?”

I’m giving you lots of different options. This all works. The key thing is
not to do blather and white noise. You can do really outlandish things as
well. I know a guy who went around at bars and he says like, “have you
ever milked a cow?” That’s a great opening line. And they would go,
“why are you asking?” And he’d just be silly but deliver it very seriously,
“Because I’m really trying to meet an old -‐fashioned woman and I have
this idea that old-‐fashioned women know how to milk cows. “

Is it absurd? Heck, yes, it’s absurd. Is it funny? Awesome. Does it play in
their emotions a little bit because you want an old-‐fashioned woman?
You bet. Women kind of like that. They want to feel old-‐fashioned in
some ways. There’s something sweet about it.

Either way it polarizes them one way or another. -‐A very, very funny way
to open a conversation. Outlandish things. There’s a lot of this. I won’t
go into it. But the idea of being outlandish -‐ it’s a great practice. If you
ever come to boot camps of mine or workshops, sometimes I’ll give you
exercises. Exercises to walk into a pizza shop and ask for a shoe. I’d like a
shoe please. Or a shoe store and ask for a slice of pizza.

Just to have that experience of doing something crazy and risking public
ridicule, public confusion, disapproval -‐I want you to do that. You know
why? Because then you’ll see it doesn’t matter. Validation must come
from within.

Because you’ll walk out of that store and you’re still you. Your body is
still attached. Your blood is still flowing. Your brain is still there. It’s still

you. It doesn’t matter how people respond. It doesn’t matter how girls
respond to you at a bar.

Now, if you live in a small town and everybody knows you, all right,
maybe it matters a little more. Or your might get a great reputation as
the guy who’s totally not afraid to say anything!

But it doesn’t matter if a particular girl says yes or no. The important
thing is that it provokes them into paying attention. Some girls love you
for being different or saying something crazy.

Mark Manson tells the story about a guy -‐ and I don’t recommend this –
a guy at the bar who says to every girl he walks up to: “can I piss in your
ass?”

I am not kidding. Can I piss in your ass? Ninety percent of women run
away as best they could! But guess what…

The really daring, fun, kind of like ballsy woman thought he was hilarious
for even saying it. Like who is this guy who would say something so
crazy? Can I piss in your ass? Don’t quote me as recommending doing
this -‐-‐ I’m simply relating a story of outrageous approach that polarizes
women.

But that’s the kind of thing you can do to stand out. -‐The outlandish
mode. You can always try something outlandish.

You’ll estrange most women but some will ask, “Why. Why are you even
saying this?!” It’s interesting. It’s different. Now they’re interested in
you.

We have two more categories.

CONVERSATION AND THE RISK LADDER

The next category is to understand how normal human conversation
unfolds. Women, and in fact men too, need to put out “safety” feelers
first. They need to get the lay of the land.

In the old days, when we were wandering around the Savannah all those
hundreds of thousands of years, when you came across a new tribe or a

new person – it was by nature dangerous. You had to feel them out. Is
this friend or foe?

This is why we shake hands – to show we are not concealing weapons in
our sword hand. Why today do we fist bump? For me, it’s more
hygienic. Don’t want to catch that hand AIDS.

It’s a very human thing to “feel out” the other person for safety. When I
was doing a lot of Hollywood movies, the one thing I loved as a writer is
meeting interesting people. You know, when you walk in for your
meeting, your pitch meeting with the studio, you come in and everyone
kind of stands there and then they have you sit down.

And there’s lots of small talk about the awful traffic, about your kids,
about something that happened that week. -‐All very innocuous. And the
reason why you have that innocuous conversation is that it’s not about
the subject matter but you’re feeling each other out. You’re watching
their body language. Are they funny? Are they light? Are they tense? Are
they threatening? Are they a threat? Are they likeable?

There’s a reason you do that small talk at the beginning of the meeting
because it creates a little bit of security so that you can then get into
what you’re going to talk about.

It’s the same with meeting women. That initial “how are you doing, who
do you know here at the party?” talk is just a way to show that you are
safe. On a date – you want to tell her she’s beautiful. Did she have any
trouble finding the place. All that small talk. There is a reason for that.

Because while you’re doing that in those first crucial minutes that you
are together -‐ she’s getting a comfortable with you because her sensors
are reading your body.

How does your body make her feel? Are you standing with confidence?
Are you fidgety or nervous? Are you eyes darting all over the place,
checking out other girls? Are you breathing deeply or shallowly?

So first you want to establish security. With the body language stuff I
show you elsewhere be in my program,

The Boldness Code

You want to establish that security.

I want you to know what’s happening around you. You’re a sociologist.
You’re a scientist. This is what happens between two humans – study
what’s going on. You want to establish a little security, make her feel
safe, make her feel calm.

Then once she feels safe, you can start increasing risk. You begin with
very safe small talk, then increase the risk of conversation to talk about
feelings and emotions, then higher into matters of life and death and
finally sexuality. It’s a carefully calibrated navigation.

This is a different mode, obviously, than walking up to a woman and
saying, “can I piss in your ass?” This is the more normal human
interaction. I’ll give an example of how to do this…

When I was in London doing a boot camp, I wanted to teach all this deep
stuff about purpose and boldness. But all the guys wanted was: go pick
up that girl. How do you pick up that girl? Show us how you pick up that
girl. I’m not a pick-‐ up artist by any means, but I can do it because I know
I know how to connect and create electricity.

So I’ll give an example. There was a beautiful girl. Oh lord. And we’re still
Facebook friends. And I saw her, and she was sitting in kind of a low
window out in the street in Soho in London.

And she was watching all the people walking back and forth – a busy
Saturday night crowd -‐ and I went and leaned up against the building.
Put my back to the building kind of next to her. She was sitting in the
window.

And I looked at someone passing by and followed her eyes and I say,
“8.5.” She goes “what?” I said, “He’s an 8.5. Oh that’s a 5.3. You’re
rating everybody quietly to yourself. I know what you’re doing. Come on.
Let’s do it together.”

And she laughed. She thought that was funny because it was like a
parade of people going by. So we were rating how hot people were. It
was really funny. Now what would have happened if I walked up to her
and look at her in the eye and said, “hey that guy behind me 8.5, right?
That’s ridiculous.” Okay. I’ve not established security.

What I did was I stood looking in the same direction with her. I let her
notice me. Feel me. I was not a threat. I was curious. I was watching
what she was watching – a kind of quiet rapport.

And I love doing this by the way. This works well for me. You stand next
to her. Lean against the wall or just next to her. You look out at the
world with the same eyes. You’re companionate. You make it safe for
her.

You’re not confrontational, you’re not “hitting on her” (interesting how
pugilistic and confrontational that word is!).

Remember when you’re opposite somebody, when you’re looking
someone straight in the eyes right across them, it’s confrontational.

It can be very sexy if you do it right. But it can also be threatening.

Because I was able to create safety by standing next to her and looking
out onto the world with her, it allowed me to say something a little
outrageous. It was awesome. I’m still a little bit in love with her.

What happened next? I could tell from her accent she was Slavic so I
asked – she made e guess… I said -‐ Croatia, Slovakia or Czech Republic. I
couldn’t guess. It got funny. I ran out of countries. She finally told me –
Serbia. Oops. I forgot about that one. So rather than admit that, I said,
“Serbia? That’s not a real place. That’s in fairy tales.”

And I just gave her shit for fun. I played it totally seriously.

She thought it was funny. We were bantering. I really liked her. She gave
me shit back. Her friend got up and went to the bathroom. And she
looked at me very seriously and said, “look before you say anything else
-‐ I really like you, but I have to tell you I have a boyfriend.”

She was awesome for saying that. And I said, “let me ask you a question.
Does he genuinely love you? Do you feel really happy with him?”

And she thought and she goes, “yeah I really do.”

So, okay – I immediately let it go because I respected the genuineness
with which she said it. We agreed to remain attracted friends. And
because I was not needy with her, we left it that if she ever felt

uncherished by him, guess who would be the first to get a message on
Facebook across the world?

Me.

Because there was no neediness in me at all.

That’s core to what I’m trying to teach you. Establish safety, be
outrageous and bold and… no neediness.

Now the other thing you can do going back to the outrageous opener,
the outrageous conversation…

I was just remembering this the other day that when I first started dating
-‐ before I ever went online, before I meet any girl. I was embarrassed to
go dating.

I was such a nice guy. I didn’t want to be seen as hitting on girls. I had
been married for a lot of years and even though I wanted new girls, it
felt “wrong.”

So I was going to these business mixers even though I didn’t have a
business. I was a screenwriter full time.

But I figured I could meet some girls. I figured girls go there and it
doesn’t look like dating so it’s safe for me. And I walked into one of
these things and this guy was standing at the head of the stairs. His
name is Matt Brown. This was 12 years ago and I still remember the
moment. I walked in and he threw his hand toward me and goes, “Hi,
I’m Matt! What your passion??”

Now kind of crazy thing to say, right? But that’s how this guy lived.
Bold. Passionate. He’s a Tony Robbins guy and a coach so that’s his life.
He meant it. That’s how he lives

And the only answer I could come up with then was “um…not
committing suicide?”

It was all I could think of. That’s what I felt. So he changed my life. He
woke me up. He got me thinking: Damn what is my passion? And
because of him I got into some entrepreneurial stuff. Because of that I
eventually got here by the way. I ran into David Deida’s work and by

then I already really had mastered online dating. It all led me deeper
and deeper into this work – of teaching and exploring what it is to love,
to connect, to lead, to live a bold, happy, free life.

So him saying “what is your passion” really woke me up – it changed the
direction of my life.

You can try to do that. You can do that with a woman. You say “Hey, hi,
I’m Kevin. What’s your passion?”

Like that. Look her in the eye. That’s kind of confrontational. But if you
care, now hopefully you do care about the women you meet and their
passion -‐ you can do that – and cut through all the small talk.

So that’s bold. Sometimes you want to establish that kind of security.
Lean against the wall; look out at the world with her. Have a little small
talk. Let her have you assess you a little bit. Or sometimes you may want
to just shoot for gold sooner and try, “Hey, what’s your passion?”

Or say – “You know what I like about you, you’re not a bullshitter.”

There’s no one right way. I’m giving you different ways of being bold.
Again the key is to polarize those neutral girls by being bold. Try them all
out.

LEVELS OF CONVERSATION

Finally, I want to talk about levels of conversation.

There are a few different levels of conversations that you can have with
girls and be bold at each level. The key is whatever you’re doing own it,
boldly own it. Boldly own the state you’re in. If you have the dominant
state, chances are she will flow right along into your river. She’ll be
swept off the shore and be in your state.

So if you’re in a light flirtation state, be in that. Don’t apologize for it.
She’ll follow you.

If you’re in a deep emotional spiritual place, own that. Don’t break the
tension. Hold that tension. If you really want to know what her passion
is, ask and stay still. Don’t break that tension with a joke or by moving.

If you sense that she’s just living a half-‐life and just settling, say that, but
don’t let her off the hook. Stay there with her. Show that you mean it
whatever it is that you’re doing. That’s sexual tension.

That means you’re not afraid. You’re not afraid of the outcome whether
you’re flirting, whether you’re being sexual and saying “I want you to
come home with me tonight,” whether you’re deeply spiritual in the
moment or emotionally vulnerable -‐-‐ you don’t care about the outcome
because you’re holding your state. Staying grounded in your current
frame is the priority. Holding it no matter what she throws at you.
Otherwise, she is establishing the frame and will sense your weakness.

This sounds very severe but actually it’s fun when you do this because it
liberates you from worrying about what other people say.

The first kind of conversation is informational.

We’ve talked about this above, establishing safety, exchanging bits of
data. What do you do? Where are you from? -‐That kind of stuff. And
again this also includes the nonverbal: your body, your breath, your
voice tonality, eye contact. What I want you to do at that level is to
watch her closely…

You can bet that she is reading you. I want you to read her. Pay attention
to when she lights up. If she lights up you say, “You know I have to say
from the way you just lit up, I think that’s really what’s important to
you.”

Wow! A man who actually pays attention to what’s in the moment!
She will be shocked and pleased.

Or…

“From the way you just lit up, I have a feeling you’re not really doing in
your life what you want to be doing.”

Or if she shows weariness…

“From the way you just lit up, it strikes me you need a vacation. You
need to get away.”

Whatever it is. Pay attention to her. If she said something that clearly
makes her body feel good, the animal of her body (I love that
expression, the animal of her body), you growl, say something like,
“hmm, that really makes you feel good, doesn’t it?” And hang with her
in that moment. Let her know that your body felt what her body felt. Pay
attention. What I want you to do is to pay attention to the little signals
she’s giving.

Men rarely do this, and your younger woman will be impressed by how
penetrating, present and wise you are. She will feel seen, heart, noticed
and appreciated.

What’s exciting her? What’s scaring her? What’s boring her? What turns
her on, especially what turns her on?

Now the second level of conversation is about her emotional life. This is
the next level of “risk.” There’s a level of risk in all conversation. How’s
the weather? Not much risk. Do you hate your mother? Some more
risk. Would you like to go home and get naked? Even more risk.

So in normal conversation you create safety and then you start upping
the risk. On an emotional level you talk about family, children, pets.
You can bond over how much you love dogs, how much you love your
brother, babies, whatever it is.

But now you’re getting into emotional conversation. And what I want
you to do here again pay especial attention to the extremes. Pay
attention how she feels. Look for signals of when she mentions her
brother, her work, then take it deeper.

Another way -‐ I love taking a girl back into her innocence, back into her
childhood if she mentions where she grew up. This is an easy
conversation by the way for guys who have a hard time with
conversation. Where are you from? I’m from New Hampshire.

You: “Wow, New Hampshire, That’s kind of exotic. What was like? Did
you grow up in the country?”

Her: “Yeah, I did.”

You: “Take me back. If you close your eyes right now, I want you to paint
a picture because I’ve never been to New Hampshire. Paint a picture for

me of what it felt like you’re happiest day. Just going back what is your
happiest day. Can you describe to me what it felt like, what you heard,
what you can see, what you can smell…”

And you kind of close your eyes with her. Go back with her. What’s
happening emotionally is that now you left the room that you’re sitting
in, and she’s going back to being a little girl with you. And she’s going to
anchor her innocent happy story with you.

Doesn’t that work out well for you!? It’s a great thing to do -‐ to open up
and explore her emotions. And it’s really good for you to have a
childhood story of your own. So if she asks where you came from –
bring her to something beautiful and tender.

Take me. I grew up about 20 miles north of NY, in what was then a
pretty wild and woodsy bend in the river.

If a woman asks me where I come from, I don’t just say, “New York.”

Just like I don’t say what my job is, I instead take them into an
experience. Here’s and example of my answer:

“I’m actually from the Hudson Valley. It’s this beautiful
shadowy part of the turn of the river. We used to go out in the
woods and watch as the thunder would come rolling down the
river. You know they used to write about it like it was a giant
bowling alley in heaven because it was so loud – Washington
Irving who wrote Rip Van Winkle and Sleepy Hollow – which is
near my house. We used to go running under the bed my
brother and sister… “

And now you’re telling a story. It’s awesome.

I talk about how we used to catch frogs and turtles. I just tell a story
about my little blue plastic boat, how I used to set it into the river and
make believe we were pirates. You know fun stories, past stories. Those
are all true stories, by the way.

So instead of simply saying where you’re from, say whatever is tender,
or colorful, or fascinating, or touching about your growing up story…

“I come from a place where every morning we would get up and milk the
chickens. Cause everybody milks chickens, right? Go milk the cows. Get
the egg from the cows.”

Or…

“I grew up over a delicatessen in Brooklyn and my favorite thing was to
watch all the old men sit outside and shoot the shit. I heard all kinds of
crazy things… etc…”

Whatever it is. How you grew up. Take her into an emotional story.
Don’t just give her information because on an emotional level, this is the
place for real curiosity.

Offer your heart. Offer your reflection. Offer funny stories. Show your
vulnerability. Show her the little boy you were.

She’s going to like you. Women are programmed to like little children. So
she sees this grown man – you -‐ and you can talk so tenderly about
being a little child.

Don’t just give her information. You bring her into a story.

The next level, the third level is relational conversation. It’s unusual and
it’s actually kind of cool.

Relational conversation is a way of bringing her into the moment of
what’s happening right now.

Here’s a powerful way to do this – and it’s so simple. I learned if from
the guys up at The Authentic Man Project.

The phrase is: “I’m noticing.”

I learned it first from girls I’ve dated who are part of that crowd up there
in San Francisco. When we were talking, they would say things like,
“When you tell me how much you appreciate how well I listen to you, I
feel all warm inside.”

I was thinking, “wow this is girl who is really self aware. She’s noticing
what’s happening in her body and she’s noticing her thoughts as we’re
talking. Who does that?”

Well now I know. A lot of people in San Francisco!

It’s a very effective conversational tool. So you could say “I’m noticing
I’m feeling happy talking to you right now.” Or, “I’m really excited to be
connecting with you. You’re really cool. You’re the best thing that
happened to me all day.” Or simply, “I’m noticing that I’m feeling happy
right now, sitting here with you.” Or, “When you just laughed right now,
you know, I could really hear that southern belle come through.” “I’m
noticing that I find myself strangely drawn to you when you laugh like
that.”

And, through it all, you’re telling her the truth about what’s happening.
You’re not doing this as a “line.”

Here’s another. This was suggested by my friend, Bryan Bayer, from the
Authentic Man Program in San Francisco: “As you were talking I just
have a flash of us taking a trip to snowshoeing in the Rockies. It’s one of
those ski camps for the weekend.”

This is called future pacing. It’s painting a fantasy picture. It lights up the
listener’s imagination.

Now, I don’t particularly want to go snowshoeing. That sounds awful to
me but I love the concept. “As you were talking I just had this flash….”

That’s an awesome thing to say if it’s true.

Here’s another take on how to play with this…

“Right now I’m getting a sense of how crafty you are. I’m going to have
to be a little careful around you. I can tell you’re crafty.”

That’s cool because you’re showing that you heard what she said and
that it’s having an impact on you.

“You know, I notice when you told me that story about your childhood
I’m feeling much closer to you. I feel like I’m really getting the truth of
who you are.”

That’s a bold thing to say. A “nice guy” is afraid to say things like that.
So pay attention to what is happening within you.

“I’m noticing I feel concern about you around that.”

“I’m noticing my heart got tight when you told me that story about when
your mother died. I’m feeling sad myself even though I’m just beginning
to know you.”

These are beautiful statements if you are true to her. Now she’s saying
“wow here’s a guy who is actually paying attention to me. He responds
to what I actually say.”

Who doesn’t want a responsive partner? Everybody wants a responsive
partner. They want to feel like they have impact on each other.

As if they matter.

Behind it all, people – men and women both -‐ want to have an impact on
the world. Some people will settle for just having an impact on one
person. Be that “one” in the moment.

Show your woman her she’s having an impact on you in the moment.
Show her that you’re alive – and live to her.

Here’s a way to both increase your own ability to feel women and to be
more self-‐aware of your own responses.

Place this impact statement “I’m noticing” in a specific place in your
body.

For example…

“I’m noticing that my heart started racing when you told me that story.”

“I’m noticing I started getting a tightness in my throat when you told me
that story.”

“I’m just noticing that my body feels warm and calm every time you talk
about your dog/childhood home/whatever.”

Here’s the thing… you’re now talking about your body. Guess what. You
want to be talking about your body. Now she’s thinking about and
paying attention to your body. How easy is that.

So too you could talk to her about her body. Let her know that you are
feeling – really feeling and paying attention to her. Remember – most

men are way in their heads and they don’t really pay attention to what
women are saying.

What you can say about her?

“I notice your cheek flushed when you said that about your dad. That
tells me that you really love him”

“I noticed notice you held your chest when you said that about your boss,
and I’m wondering if you feel afraid.”

Now you’re noticing her body. Now your bodies are in the conversation.

A bold man, a present man, a man of experience pays attention to
what’s happening in the moment. He’s not wrapped up in his ego or his
ambition. He feels a woman’s heart. He feels a woman’s hopes. He
feels a woman’s emotions.

And your woman will be not only astonished – but deeply grateful.

A man of experience isn’t afraid to bring their body into the
conversation, especially if it is a way of bringing her into a truth.

In fact, it will create the trust with her that you want to create.

I learned this in my study of sales and marketing: when you can
articulate somebody’s inner state better than they can – they will feel a
deep trust for you. In sales, of course, they will buy from you. In dating
or intimacy – if your insight is done from a true heart place – she will
more likely surrender to your lead, body, mind and soul.

If you blather on about yourself and ignore her state in the moment –
she will more likely check out and look for an escape route.

As well she should.

I want to give you a further distinction: this one between the sucking-‐up
“nice guy” who is trying to “nice” his way into a woman’s good graces,
vs. a bold man of experience who cuts through to the truth.

[Note: when I say “nice guy” – notice the definition. I don’t mean a
“kind man,” which you should be. “Nice guy” is a term we use for
spineless beggar for approval. Not the same thing.]

The “nice guy” is just going to try to win her approval. He will not be
able to cut through the small talk to get the truth of her emotions, the
truth of the moment, the hidden reality that is not being expressed by
anyone at the table. He will respond to everything she says, “wow,
that’s really interesting! Wow, really! Oh boy, that was great!”

He will add nothing to the depth of the moment. He will experience no
self-‐noticing, no awareness of what she wants to say but is afraid to say.
He will not be able to bring her out of her stories and into the moment.

He will never say things like…

“As I’m listening to you, I am having this thought – that you’ve never
really been seen and loved for who you are, and its probably because
men are so struck by your beauty, they never get to core of who you are
as a human being, is that true?”

“I’m noticing that as you describe your life that you are not surrounded
by people who can meet you at your level, that you are ready for a more
evolved community where you can be yourself.”

By the way, I’ve said both of these things – and within the last two
weeks! The first was to a Swedish model/nutritionist who is a profound
thinker and meditator – so stunning that every eye in the restaurant
follows us when we enter. I even told her matter-‐ of-‐ factly that most
men could never get to the depth of her heart because she makes
Claudia Schiffer look like Mrs. Shrek.

The second thing I said to the gorgeous young Greek goddess, who
happens to be asleep next to me as I’m writing this as we fly South from
L.A. to even sunnier climes. And we just met a couple of weeks
ago.(never divuluges “second thing!”)

So I want you to understand when I teach you these techniques and
these communication skills – they are actually heart skills, life skills,
intimacy skills – that this is not theory. This is how I live my life.

So few men know how to reflect back a woman’s impact on them in the
moment (and I don't mean her beauty, I mean, among other things, her
veiled emotions, her evident feelings, her truth, her vulnerability, her
adorable, wounded heart).

But these are powerful tools to create deep rapport, instant heart-‐
connection and trust – and establish you as the wise man of experience
she is looking for in you.

So, that’s what we call a “relational” conversation. It’s taking a risk but
it’s a great risk to take. It shows that you, unlike other men, are not
afraid of confronting her with your actual feeling in the moment or what
you’re noticing about her.

Now, I have to add -‐ I’ve been wrong sometimes and you may be, too.
She may take offense. That’s the risk part of this kind of bold living.
Some women may get defensive. They may say “don’t play psychologist
with me!” and those kinds of things.

You know what? These may be difficult people and you may not want
them in your life – and this is a good way to filter for that. You are free
to apologize and say, “you know, it was passing intuition I had. It may be
wrong – but I’m curious to know who you really are – so I’m glad I
asked.”

Notice – no apology involved.

These techniques, I should add, are not good only for dates, but for
approaching new women.

A great and easy way to use this is to strike up a conversation with cute
young women in department stores or shops anywhere, especially in the
morning, when they have nothing to do and no one to talk to – and
around closing time.

The opening -‐ They’re almost always bored.

And here comes me (now, you) toddling along – you are looking at the
merchandise -‐ but you glance over and study her for a second. She
notices. You say…

“So, I’m watching you. I’m watching your body language, you seem so
relaxed and I’m guessing that you’re really ready to close up and go do
something more fun.”

Notice we are planting the seed of fun. Of a better alternative. You.

They’re always ready to get out of the damned shop and go do
something more fun.

19 out of 230 times, they’ll say something like, “Oh my god, I’ve been
here 6 hours and blah blah blah...”

Then it’s an easy transition…

“You know what? I just finished up, myself (note the rapport). I wasn’t
planning on this (note: spontaneity, being in the moment), but let’s go
grab a drink. I know a great place blah blah blah – you’re probably
hungry -‐ they serve these delicious sliders. I think you’ll love them.”

Easy. Nice and easy.

But I want you to notice all the quiet signifiers in those simple
sentences.

1: There is a whole note “hey – I have an idea in this moment”
spontaneity, so it doesn’t come off as pre-‐packaged.

2: We created rapport by putting ourselves on the same side of
the “just finishing up” fence.

3: A man with a plan is sexy. We do NOT say, “Hey, you want to
come get a drink with me?” You already know the nearby place,
you know the specialty and you are telling her that she is going to
like it.

4: You are “feeling” her and she feels – you’ve noticed she’s bored
and you are intuiting that she’s probably hungry. Duh – she’s
been locked up in this damned shop for hours.

You are noticing what’s going on within her. You’re also noticing going
on with you, for example…

“You know, talking to you, I’m noticing that I feel way happier than when
I walked in here. I’ll come back at 9 – let’s go grab a drink. I like you.”

[Note: those three words, “I like you” have been shown in studies to
massively increase a person’s feelings of liking you back. They are
powerful and simple words that you can use all the time.]

A bold man says these things. A nice guy or shy man is afraid to do so
because he’s afraid to be wrong, or he’s afraid to confront her, or he’s
afraid to be too vulnerable, or intimate or penetrating.

That’s not going to be you anymore, if you have those fears.

You’ve just learned a slew of new and powerful tools to penetrate into
your woman with your heart, your intellect, your playfulness, your
direction.

Bold conversation is about isn’t about impressing her.

It’s about being fully confident in yourself. It’s about self-‐validation. It’s
about celebrating whatever state or conversation or moment you’re in
and staying in it without breaking the sexual tension by making a joke, or
apologizing for being bold, or being wishy-‐washy, or giving up the lead or
being apologetic.

It means owning your desire if you’re sexually attracted to her. It means
owning your flirtation. Owning your deep spiritual moment.

Yes, she might feel momentarily uncomfortable if you say something
very deep and penetrating. And if she gets uncomfortable and then you
suddenly get uncomfortable, start fidgeting or apologizing – then the
moment is gone.

Your job is to maintain and sustain the tension. It’ sexy for her. It
compels her to have a genuine, authentic deep response.

Keep your eyes steady on her, breathing nice and deep.

Wait for her answer. Don’t speak in these moments. Let her reground
herself in the solid container of your grounded-‐ness.

Whether you’re flirting, whether you’re going deep, whether you’re
stating sexual interest, whether you’re polarizing… hold your ground.

Make your will felt and stand in the solidity of your desire.

You don’t want to approach these moments as if they make you feel
uncomfortable, nervous or submissive. Nor do you want to appear as if
you’re manipulating, or pre-‐planning and executing some inauthentic
script.

I’m reminded of a story I read about someone who asked Napoleon
what his strategy was, why he was such a great leader.

And he said, “This is what I do. I say, ‘see that hill over there? Let’s take
that hill and when we get there, we’ll figure out what to do.’”

He wasn’t scripting out everything ahead of time. He wasn’t “tacking” as
they say in the PUA world. He is in the moment. He makes a decision.
He gathers intelligence about what’s actually happening. Then he makes
an informed and penetrating move based on that moment.

When you say something penetrative or risky about her or the moment,
you are essentially taking the hill. You are staking your position. Don’t
dissipate that moment with chatter or a joke or a distraction.

Wait her out. Pay attention. Notice what’s going on in her internal state.
What is her body telling you? Is it conveying deep reception to what you
said? Nervousness? Fear?

Hold that emotional tension. Stay in the moment. That’s bold. Standing
your ground, like a man, without fear of her response, without of fear of
her rejections – and giving her the dignity and agency of having her own
feelings, her own response.

Please put these things to work. Try them out. You got nothing to lose
except fear itself.

To Your Success and To Your Best Life,

Adam

p.s. – if you are interested in learning more about this theme of Boldness
and succeeding with women – then go to

www.TheBoldnessCode.com

where I have a video up about how to break through with women at
those 5 make-‐or-‐ break, do-‐or-‐die moments – where your connection
will either grow, or it will crash, burn and be gone forever. -‐Worth a
watch.

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