REFUGE

RIOTMC

BY

EMILYMINTON

and

SHELLEYSPRINGFIELD

REFUGE

Copyright©2017EmilyMinton&ShelleySpringfield

Published2017

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youforrespectingtheworkoftheseauthors.

CoverArtbyDanaLeahat

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EditedbyKendraGaitherat

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FormattedbyErikGevers

Contents

TitlePage

Synopsis

Dedication

Prologue

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

ChapterEleven

ChapterTwelve

ChapterThirteen

ChapterFourteen

ChapterFifteen

ChapterSixteen

ChapterSeventeen

ChapterEighteen

ChapterNineteen

ChapterTwenty

ChapterTwenty-One

ChapterTwenty-Two

ChapterTwenty-Three

ChapterTwenty-Four

ChapterTwenty-Five

ChapterTwenty-Six

ChapterTwenty-Seven

ChapterTwenty-Eight

ChapterTwenty-Nine

ChapterThirty

ChapterThirty-One

ChapterThirty-Two

ChapterThirty-Three

ChapterThirty-Four

ChapterThirty-Five

Epilogue

OtherbooksbyEmilyandShelley

PreviewDirtyBastard

MoreBooksbyEmily…

Acknowledgments

AboutEmilyMinton

AboutShelleySpringfield

REFUGE

RIOTMC

By

EmilyMinton

And

ShelleySpringfield

VeronicaCashisintrouble,thekindthatcouldleaveherdead.Knowingshehasno
choicebuttoaskforhelp,shefindsherselfturningtoherfather’smotorcycleclubfor
protection.Sheendsupdependingononeofhisbrotherstokeepheralive.Now,sheisin
adifferentkindofdanger,thekindthatcouldleaveherwithabrokenheart.

Canabikerclubbethesafehavensheneeds?

VanScotthasalwaysthoughthewoulddoanythingforhisclub,butheneverguessed
thatwouldinvolvethePresident’sdaughterlivinginhishouse.Hedefinitelywasn’t
expectingtobesointriguedbyherorwantherinhisbedsodamnbad.Now,hehasto
figureoutawaytoprotectherwithoutgivingintotemptation.

Willhebetherefugesheseeks?

Dedication

Thisoneisforallofyouwhohaveafewbadappleshangingfromyourfamilytree.

MyfamilyplanisrightoutoftheSidandNancyhandbook.

JaxTeller~SonsofAnarchy

Prologue

Van

Walkingupthestepsontheporch,Iletoutafrustratedbreath.Ididn’twanttocome
home.Iwouldratherbeanywherebuthere,butMomdidn’tgivemeachoice.Shecalled
Brass’shouseafewminutesagototellmetogetmyasshome,notcaringthatwewere
abouttogofishing.ThesoundsofTitoscreamingcouldbeheardthroughthephone,even
asshebarkedouttheorder.Nodoubt,shewantedmeheretohelphergetheroldman
settleddown.Atonlyeleven,Ispendthemajorityofmytimeplayingpeacemaker
betweenherandTito.

MomandTitohavebeentogetherforfiveyears—fivelongyears.Yearsthathave

beenfilledwithalotofdamnfighting.Momfliesoffthehandleateverything.Iftheman
evenlooksatsomeotherchick,shecomesoutswinging.Morethanonce,Ihaveseenhim
drawbackafist,witheveryintentionofpayingherbackinkind.Luckyforher,Tito
checkshimselfbeforeheactuallytouchesher.AsmuchasIhatethethoughtofMom
gettinghurt,sometimesIalmostwishhewouldgoaheadandswing.

Shakingawaythethoughts,Ipushopenthedoorandlookaroundtheemptyliving

room.Ihadbeenexpectingtoseeourlittlehouseguestlayingonthecouch,veggingoutin
frontofthetelevision.Nodoubt,sheisthecauseofMomandTito’sfight.Eversince
Veronicacameupforherannualvisit,theyhavedonenothingbutscreamateachother.

Momispissedthatheroldmanisshowingsomuchattentiontohisdaughter,not

eventakingintoconsiderationthatheonlygetstoseehischildfortwoweeksoutofthe
year.TitoismadashellthatMomistreatinghislittlegirllikeshehastheplague,though
it’snotlikeheshouldbesurprised.Shetreatseveryonethesamedamnway.

Veronica,orRonniasIliketocallher,livesinTexaswithhermomtherestofthe

year.HowthehellthatwomanandTitoeverhookedup,I’llneverknow.TheonetimeI
sawher,thebitchlookedcoldashell.She’ssofuckinguptight;Ican’tseeherever
spreadingherlegsforabikerlikeTito.

Now,sheismarriedtosomemantwiceherage.He’safuckingbigwigintheoil

industry,makingmoremoneyinadaythanI’llprobablymakemyentirelife.WhereTito
wearsjeansandacut,herhusbandwearssuitsandatie.Hisassridesaroundinastretch
limo,whereTitoprefershisHarleyandtheopenroad.Maybeallthatmoneyturnedher
intoabitch.I’vealwaysheardthatmoneychangespeople.Iguessshe’sproofofthat.

Thesoundofglassshatteringpullsmefrommythoughts.Tryingnottothinkabout

Veronicaorhowalloftheirfightingmustbeaffectingher,Iwalkacrosstheroom,
searchingforMom.JustasI’mabouttostepintothekitchen,thesoundofmymomand
Titoarguingreachesmyears,andIhaltinmytracks.Ittakesasecondfortheirgarbled
wordstomakesense.

“Ialreadytoldyou,Ihaveshittodo.I’vebeeninthishousewiththatlittlebratall

day.I’mnotspendingthewholefuckingnightwatchingher,too!”Momshouts,causing
metocringeatherchoiceofwords.

“Watchyourdamnmouth,Kendra.Webothknowwhatyou’vebeendoingisnot

evenclosetothedefinitionofwatchingsomeone,”Titogrowlsout,followedbythesound
ofsomethingcrashingintothewall.“I’mdonelisteningtoyourbullshit.Thisisthelast
timethisshitisgoingtohappen.Ifyoucan’ttreatmykidright,thenyoucanpackyour
bagsandgetthefuckout.”

Myheartskipsabeatasfearfillsmybody.IfTitokicksusout,wehavenowhereto

go.Itisn’tlikemydadcantakeusin.Heispullingtwentytolifeforsecond-degree
murder.Mydad’sparentsarelonggone,andMom’sdon’twantadamnthingtodowith
us.

“You’renotgonnakickusout.Ifyoudothat,you’llneverseeVanagain,”Mom

states,soundingsureofherself.“Youknowyoudon’twantthattohappen.”

Thesoundsofshufflingfeetreachmyears,justbeforeathudsoundsandthewall

vibratesfromtheimpact.EventhoughIcan’tseewhatisgoingon,thereisnodoubtin
mymindthatTitojustlosthisshitandslammedmymotherintothewall.KnowingIhave
todosomethingtostophimfromhurtingher,Irushintothekitchen.BeforeIcaneven
shoutforhimtolethergo,hestartstalkingagain.

“IneversaidafuckingthingaboutVanleaving.Thatboyisstayinghere,”hestates,

hishandwrappedaroundmymother’sthroat.“Youeventhinkabouttakinghimoutofthis
house,yourassisdead.”

Iblinkinconfusion,tryingtomakesenseofhiswords.Momhasalwaystoldmethat

Titodoesn’tlikehavingmearound.Infact,she’salwaysgoingonabouthowmuchhe
hatesme.Shesaidheonlyletsmestayherebecauseshebeggedhimto.She’sreminded
meagainandagainthattheonlyreasonIhavearoofovermyheadisbecauseofher.I
eithertoedtheline,dideverythingshesaid,orshewouldletTitothrowmeout.Then,I
wouldbestuckinfostercareuntilIwaseighteen.

Momshakesherhead,breakinghisholdonherthroat.“He’smyson.Youhaveno

sayinwherehegoes.”

Titotakesastepbackandshakeshishead.“You’rewrongaboutthat,woman.Crew

askedmetowatchoverhimthedayhewentinside.I’vedonethat,andI’llkeepdoingit
untilthedayIdie.”

HearingTitosaymyfather’snamecausesmywordstofreezeinmythroat.Iknow

theyweregoodfriendsatonetime,backbeforeDadwentinside.Bothoftheirfathers
werefoundingmembersofRiotMC.Growingupaspartoftheclub,theybecamefriends.
Later,theybothslidontheircutsandwentfrombeingjustfriendstobeingbrothers.

Evenknowingallthis,Iassumedthatfriendshipendedalongtimeago.Ifigured,

whenTitotookmyDad’soldladyashisown,anytiesbetweenthetwomenhadbeen
broken.Now,I’mbeginningtowonderiftheonlyreasonTitohookedupwithMomis
becauseofmydad.MythoughtscometoaquickdeathwhenMomopenshermouth.

“Whatever,”shemumbles,notsoundingsosureofherselfanymore.“I’mstillnot

watchingyourkid.Youtakeherwithyou,orshecanstayherebyherself.”

“I’dmuchratherstayherewithherthaneventhinkaboutleavingherwithyouagain,

butIcan’t.Shecan’tcomewithme,andforyoutoevenaskmetotakeaseven-year-old
tochurchisjustfuckingcrazy,”hegrowls,shakinghisheadinfrustration.

“Leaveherwithoneoftheclubwhoresthen,”Momsays,movingpasthimtograb

herpurseoffthecounter.“It’stimethegirlknewwhatherdadwasreallylike.”

ThethoughtofRonnibeingattheclubhouse,beingtakencareofbywhores,causes

mystomachtotwistinknots.I’vebeentheremoretimesthanIcancount.BeforeTito
claimedMom,sheleftmewiththeclubwhoresallthetime.Someofmyearliest
memoriesareofsittingonanoldrattycouch,watchingawhoreblowoneofthebrothers.
EventhoughIdidn’trealizewhatthehelltheywerereallydoing,Iknewthatitwaswrong
formetobewatchingit.Idon’twantthatshitfloatingaroundinRonni’sbrain.

“I’llstaywithher,”Isay,finallydrawingtheirattentiontomypresence.

Theybothjerktheireyesmyway,surpriseflashingovertheirfaces.Mom’slips

flattenoutandhereyesnarrow,lettingmeknowsheispissedatmyoffer.Ihavenoidea
whyitwouldmakehermad,butitseemslikeeverythingIdopissesheroff.Tito,onthe
otherhand,seemsrelieved.Hislipstipupatthecornersashetakesasteptowardme.

“Areyousureyoudon’tmind,Van?”heasks,comingtoastopjustafewfeetin

frontofme.“Iknowyou’vegotshittodo,butIwouldappreciateyoulookingafterher.”

SinceDadwentinside,Ihavespentmostofmytimealone.Ihaven’thada

babysittersinceIwassix,andI’vegottenusedtobeingonmyown.Momsureinthehell
hasn’tbotheredmakingsureIambeingtakencareof.Titotries,buthehasalife.Hehas
hisdutiestotheclub.

“Idon’tmindhangingoutwiththekidforalittlewhile,”Ireplywithashrug,still

thinkingaboutthethingshesaidtomymother.

“Thanks,bud,”hereplies,layingahandonmyshoulder.“I’llbebackassoonasI

can,anhourortwotops.”

It’satthatmomentthatIquestionalltheshitMomtoldmeaboutTitohatingme.He

hasalwaysbeennicetome,nevertreatedmeanydifferentthanhedidVeronica.Heeven
boughtmeabikeformylastbirthday,myfirstHarley.Itwasold,doesn’tevenrun,buthe
promisedmethatwewouldworkonittogether.Hewouldn’tdothatifhehatedme,
wouldhe?Ilookintohiseyes,lookingfortheanswersIseek.

Titolooksoverhisshoulder,searchingformymother,thenbringshiseyesbackto

me.“Whydon’tyourunonupstairsandcheckonVeronica?Ineedtotalktoyourmom
forafewbeforeIheadout.”

Inotherwords,theirargumentisn’tover.Forthefirsttime,though,Idon’tfeellike

it’smyplacetostickaroundandtrytoplayreferee.Fromnowon,Momisgoingtohave
tofightherownbattles.Maybethen,shewilllearnnottobesuchabitchallthetime.

“Okay.”Inod,turningawayandheadingtowardthestairs.

BythetimeIreachthetopstep,Ihearthesoundofmuffledsobs.AsIgetcloserto

thesource,Irealizeit’scomingfromRonni’sroom.ShemusthaveheardTitoandMom
fightingandisnowscaredshitless.Idoubthermomandstep-dadgoaroundshoutingall
thedamntime.

Openingherdoor,Ipeekinandseehercurledupinaballinthemiddleofthebed.

Herbackistomeasshecuddlesastuffedbearclosetoherchest.Withthesoundsofher
crying,shedoesn’tevenhearmeopenthedoor.Iwalkin,closingthedoorbehindme,all
withoutdrawingherattention.

Stoppingafewfeetfromthebed,Ilookdownather.“Areyouokay,Ronni?”

Iusemynicknameforher,hopingtogetariseoutofher.Sheusuallyhatesit,says

thatit’saboy’sname.She’stoldmeoverandoverthathernameisVeronica.Sheeven
wentasfarastogivemeapieceofpaperwithhernamewrittenonitinbrightpink
crayon.Today,shejustsnifflesandletsoutasigh.

Shenodsherhead,stillkeepingitrestingonthepillow,butdoesn’tbotherturningto

lookinmydirection.“Yeah,Van.I’mokay.”

“Whyareyoucryingifyou’reokay?I’veneverseenyoucryfornoreason,”Iask,

shufflingmyfeetfromsidetoside.

Sheslowlyrollsover,andasshedoes,Iseeaflashofpaincoverherface.Themore

sheturns,themoreofherIsee.Myeyesareinstantlydrawntothedarkpurplebruise
coveringhercheek.Myfeethaveamindoftheirownastheycarrymebesidethebed.As
Igetcloser,Iseethatthere’smorethanjustabruiseonhercheek.

“Whodidthattoyou?”IaskasIstepcloserandgentlytiltherfacetome.

Thebruisecoversthewholerightsideofhercheek.Eventheedgeofhereyeis

purple.Overhereye,rightthroughherlefteyebrow,isasmallbutterflybandage.Thecut
beneathitisjaggedandnodoubtdeep.Thekidisprobablyinahellofalotofpain.

“Noonehitme.IdidsomethingIwasn’tsupposedtoandgothurt,”shesaysasshe

pullsherheadawayandlooksdown.

Myeyesfollowhersandseethescratchescoveringthepalmsofherhands.Thepoor

thingsarecoveredinsomekindofglisteninggoop,butitdoesn’tcovertherawscrapes
thatareonherpalms.Lookingfurtherdown,Iseeaband-aidononekneeandabigpiece
ofgauzeontheother.Herlegs,likeherhands,arecoveredinscratchesandscrapes.Shit,
itlookslikeshewasrunoverbyafuckingtruck.

“Whatdidyoudo?”Iask,makingsuretokeepmyvoicegentle.

Shelooksbackupatme,andI’mgladtoseethathertearshavesloweddown.

“Daddywasn’there,andIdidn’twanttogetinKendra’sway,soIwentoutsidetoplay.”

Titomadesurethatthere’splentyofstuffforRonnitodowhenshecomestovisit.

Theyardandgaragearefilledwithtoys,butsherarelyeverplayswiththem.Thefew
timesshedidgooutside,Momthrewafuckingfitabouthergettingdirty.Becauseofthat,
shestaysinherroomorsitsonthecouchwatchingtelevision.

Idon’tknowwhyMomhatesRonnisomuch.Shecanbeabratsometimes,butmost

littlekidsarebrats.Allinall,she’snotthatbad.Shespendsallhertimewalkingon
eggshellsaroundMom,tryingherbestnottodrawattentiontoherself.Sheknows,theless
Momseesher,thebetteroffsheis.Morethanonce,I’vecaughtMomscreamingather,
callinghernamesthatnooneshouldsaytoakid.Ofcourse,sheneverdoesthatwhenTito
isaround.Then,shejustignoresRonni.

BecauseofthewayMomtreatsher,ItrytobeextranicetoRonni.Irememberhow

muchmylifesuckedwhenIwasherage.Mydadhadjustgottenarrestedandsentto
prison,andIwasleftwithmymomforthefirsttime.Untilthen,Dadhadshelteredme
fromtheworstofhertemper.Afterhewasgone,thefullforcewasfocusedonme.Thank
God,Titotookusin.Ifnot,Idon’tknowwhereIwouldberightnow.

Tryingtogetbacktothetopicathand,Iaskheraquestion.“Whathappenedtoyou

whenyouwentoutside?”

“Daddyboughtmeanewbikethismorning.Itwassopretty,allpinkandsparkly.I

wantedtorideitsobad,buthesaidIhadtowaitforhimtoputtrainingwheelsonit.He
saidhewouldputthemonwhenhegothome,butIjustcouldn’twaitthatlong,”shesays,
tearsstillfallingdownherface.

Icanalreadyseewherethisisgoingandhowitdidn’tturnoutgoodforRonni.At

sevenyearsold,mostkidshavebeenonabike,butsheneverhas.Titowantedtogether
oneafewyearsago,buthermomthrewafit.Shesaidthekidwastoolittle,thatshe
wouldgethurt.Hewaited,butIguesshedidn’twaitlongenough.

“Youshouldhavewaitedforhimtogethome,Ronni,”Isay,unabletostopthe

wordsfromleavingmymouth.

“Kendrakeptcallingmeababy.Shesaidonlylittlebabieslikemeneedtraining

wheels.”Shesitsupandglaresatme.“I’mnotababy.”

Sometimes,Icouldstranglemymom.Iknowshe’sabitch,butshecouldatleast

attempttobenicetothekid.Thenagain,maybeMomdoesn’tknowhowtobenice.Ifshe
does,I’veneverseenit.

Seeingtheangeronherface,Ishakemyhead.“No,you’renotababy,buteveryone

hastolearn.Partoflearninghowtorideabikeisstartingtoridewithtrainingwheels.”

Shestartscryingevenharder,tryingtoexplainwhathappened.Icanonlymakeout

abouthalfherwords,butthat’senoughformetoknowwhathappened.Shetriedtoride
downthedriveway,adrivewaythatjusthappenstobeasteephill.Sheendedupcrashing
andlandingintheditchthat’sfilledwithrocks.

“DidMomtakeyoutoseethedoctor?”Iask,hopingIcangethertocalmdown.“Is

thatwhereyougotfixedup.”

“No,shejustscreamedthatIwasgonnagetherintrouble.Ididn’tevenknowthat

grown-upscouldgetintrouble,”Ronnisayswithashakeofherheadasmoretearsfall

downhercheeks.“Iwaitedforeverthenadoctorcameheretoseeme.Hebandagedmeup
andmademetakesomeyuckymedicine.Hesaiditwouldmakemefeelbetter,butit
hasn’t.”

Witheverywordshesays,Istartgettingangrier.Ican’tfreakingbelieveMomwould

gothatfar,screamingatherwhileshewashurt.Then,shedidn’teventakehertothe
doctor.Instead,shewaitedaroundfortheclubdoctogetoverhere.She’sdonethesame
thingtome,morethanonce,butthisisdifferent.RonniisTito’skid.Sheshouldknow
better.

“Wasthedoctornice?”Iask,alreadyknowingtheanswer.

Docisanoldmanwho’sbeenintheclubsincemydadwasakid.He’snotareal

doctor,buthewassomekindofmedicinVietnam.Hepatchesupthemenatthecluband
doeshousecallsfromtimetotime.He’salwaysnice,especiallytouskids.

Shenods,hertearsfinallydryingup.“HetoldmeIwasthebravestlittlegirlhe’d

everseen.Ionlycriedalittlewhenheputmedicineonmysorespots,sohewent
downstairsandgotmeapopsicle.”

“That’sgood.Maybeyoucanhaveanotherinalittlewhile.Imightevenfindyoua

bowlofice-cream,”Isay,hopingtomakehersmile.

Instead,hereyesfillwithtearsagain.“Ican’thaveany.KendrasaidIcouldn’thave

anymoretreatsbecauseIwasbad.”

MyangergrowsasIask,“Whatdidyourdadsayaboutthat?”

Ronnigoesquiet,lookingawayfromme.Shestaresatthewallforaminute,not

sayingathing.She’sprobablyembarrassed,doesn’twantmetoknowifTitoismadather.
Ican’tseehimbeingmad,morelikeworried.Toakidherage,though,it’sallthesame.
Sometimes,Ican’teventellthedifferencebetweenhimbeingmadorhimbeingworried.

Itrytowaitherout,givehertimetotellme,butfinallybreakthesilence.“Didhe

sayyoucouldn’thaveanytreats?”

“Ididn’ttellhimthatIcouldn’thaveany.KendrasaidthatifItoldhimhowbadI

was,he’dmakemegohome.ShetoldmetotellhimIfelldownthestairs.Idon’twantto
gobacktoMom,soIdidwhatKendrasaid,”shewhispers,stilllookingawayfromme.“I
knowlyingisbad,butIwanttostaywithmydaddy.”

Asthewordsleavehermouth,Imakeadecision.Ifshe’snotgonnatakeupfor

herself,thensomeonehasto.Fromhereonout,I’mgonnabetheonetotakeupforher.
AssoonasTitogetshome,I’mtellinghimeverything.IfhedecidestokickMomout,I’m
stayingwithhim.Idon’tcareifIeverseeheragain.

IrunmyhandthroughherhairandgivehertheonlywordsthatIknowwilltakeher

worryaway.“Yourdaddyisnotgonnasendyouanywhere.”

ChapterOne

EighteenYearsLater

Veronica

Thesoundofmyphoneringingwakesmefrommydrunkenslumber,causingpainto
ricochetthroughmybrain.Thephoneringsafewmoretimesbeforethankfullygoing
silent.Aftertakingadeepbreath,Icrackaneyeopenandlookaroundthehotelroom,
tryingnottothinkofhowbadmyheadishurtingorhowmystomachisthreateningto
pushoutalltheliquorIforcedintoitlastnight.

Carefully,Isitupandtakeinthedestructionofthetrashedroom.Myeyeslandonan

openpizzabox,andmybellychoosesthatmomenttorevolt.Jumpingfromthebed,Irush
tothebathroomandlosethecontentsofmystomach.BythetimeI’mdone,myentire
bodyisaching,andmyheadfeelsevenworsethanitdidbefore.

Afteraquickshower,Iwalkoutofthebathroom,stillfeelinglikeshit.Tossingmy

towelonthefloor,Iwalktowardmysuitcase.JustbeforeIreachit,Iseeanearlyempty
bottleofPatronlyingonthefloor.HowthehellI’mevenabletomoveafterdrinkingso
much,I’llneverknow.Inmydefense,Ideservedtogetshit-facedafterbeingforcedto
spendChristmaswithmymother,stepfather,andmystepbrotherandhisfamily.Itwas
definitelythedayfromhell.

Ihaven’tspentChristmaswithmymothersinceIwasthirteen.Thenextyear,she

andmystepfather,Timothy,decidedtogotoAspenfortheholidaysandletmeknowthat
Iwasnotwelcometojointhem.Iwasfinewithit.InsteadofspendingChristmasdayin
thecoldandsilenthousemymomcallshome,stuckinmybedroomallday,Iwasallowed
tostaywithmydad.Sincethen,wehavemadeitatraditiontospendChristmastogether.
Hetakesmesomewheredifferenteveryyear,showingmeawaytolivethatIwouldnever
experiencebeingstuckbehindthestonewallsofmystepfather’smansion.

Thisyear,though,mymotherdemandedIputinanappearance.Nowthatmy

stepbrother,Miles,andhiswifehaveachild,MomandTimothydecidedthattheentire
familyshouldbetogetherfortheholidays.Idon’tknowwhythey’vesuddenlychosento
portraytheimageofaclosefamilywhentheynevercaredbefore.

Mybrainkeptscreamingformetosayno,torefuseevenconsideringsteppingfoot

inthehouseIhaven’tbeeninforfouryears,butIdidn’t.Instead,Ilistenedtothelittlegirl
insideofmethatstillwantshermother’slove.Ofcourse,Ididn’tgetwhatIwanted.

Instead,IfoundnothingbutthecoldlonelinessthatIknewasachild.

MomandTimothycomplainedabouteverythingfromthesizeofmywaistlineand

myhaircolorofthemonthtomychoiceofcareers.Momwentasfarasofferingtopayfor
metogotoherbeautysalontogetmyhairfixed,statingthattheredmademelookcheap.
Ididn’tbothertellingherIwouldchangeitsoon.Ididn’tseeanyreasontoletherknow
thatIswitchmyhaircolormoreoftenthanmostwomenswitchoutpurses.

Then,shewentontosuggestIshouldgotoafatcamp.Sheevengavemeabrochure

foronethatherfriendhadrecentlygoneto.Shesaidtheresultswereamazing.WhenI
toldherIwasn’tinterested,shesaidmaybeIshouldconsidergettingliposuctioninstead,
likebeingasizetwelveissomehowgrotesque.

Mystepfatherattemptedtotalkmeintogoingbacktocollege,oneofhischoosingof

course.HewentonandonabouthowIshouldgetabusinessdegree.Hewouldpayforit,
ofcourse,eventhoughherefusedtopayforculinaryschool.Luckily,Dadsteppedinand
coughedupthetuition.Ifhehadn’t,thereisnowayIcouldhavegone.

WhenItoldhimIwantedtogotheCulinaryInstituteofAmerican,Timothylaughed

atme.Hetoldmehedidn’tthinkapersonneededtogotoschooltolearnsomethingas
menialashowtocook.Tohim,beingasouschefinoneofthemostexclusiverestaurants
inChicagoisthesamethingasrunningthegrillatDairyQueen.

Ofcourse,Mileshadtochimeinatimeortwo.Hejusthadtopointouthowtheink

onmyarmsremindedhimofmyfather,amanthatheandTimothyheldnorespectfor
whatsoever.Theonlyonewhodidn’tjoininthegamewasmysister-in-law.Shejust
lookedatmewithpityinhereyes.Shewasn’tactinghaughtyorcondescending,merely
feelingsorryforme.Thatalonemademefeelevenworse.

Iwassupposedtostaywiththem,butbythetimeMilesandhisfamilyheadedhome,

Iwasreadytohittheroad.Ihadheardenoughabouthowdisappointedtheywereinme.
TheminuteMileswalkedoutthedoor,Ipackedmysuitcaseandcalledacab.Forty-five
minuteslater,IwassittingonthebedatthehotelwithabottleofPatroninmyhand,
countingdownthehoursbeforeIcouldhoponanairplaneandgetbacktomyreallife.

JustasIstarttopullmyt-shirtovermyhead,myphoneringsagain.Idragtheshirt

onquicklythengrabmyphonefromthenightstand.WhenIseemystepbrother’sname
flashacrossthescreen,Icontemplatenotansweringit.I’mnotinthemoodtodealwith
hisshit.Then,theimageofmythree-month-oldnieceflashesthroughmymind.Tosee
heragain,Iwouldputupwithjustaboutanything.

“Hello,”Isay,ploppingdownonthebed.

“Wherethehellareyou?”Milesshouts,hisvoicefullofrage.

Iblinkinconfusion,wonderingwhatthefuckiswrongwithhim.Heneverloseshis

temper,never.Inallmyyears,I’veneverevenheardhimraisehisvoice.Evenwithout
raisinghisvoice,justthefactthathesaidthewordhellissurprising.Likemymotherand
Timothy,hefirmlybelievescussingisforthelowerclasses,forpeoplewhoarenot
intelligentenoughtogettheirpointacrosswithoutusingfoullanguage.

“I’matthehotel,”Ifinallyanswer,lookingattheclockonthenightstand.“I’llbe

leavingfortheairportinaboutanhour.”

“Whythefuckareyouatahotel?YouweresupposedtospendthenightatDad’s,”

hegrowlsout,usingatonethatcausesmyheadtopoundagain.

Notwillingtoexplainmyselftohim,Iask,“Whatthehellhasputyouinsucha

gloriousmoodthismorning?”

Thephonegoesquietforaminute;onlythesoundsofhimbreathingfillsmyears.I

waitimpatiently,wantingtogetthisoverwithasquicklyaspossible.MilesandIhave
neverbeenclose.Beingnearlytenyearsolderthanme,heneverevensawanyreasonto
gettoknowme.Wewerenothingmorethanstrangersthathappenedtohaveparents
marriedtoeachother.

Tiredofwaiting,Iask,“Whatdoyouneed,Miles?”

“Dadandyourmomdiedlastnight,”hestatesinamuchcalmervoiceasifwhathe

wastellingmewasn’ttragic.

“Whatdidyoujustsay?”Ishout,jumpingupfromthebedandtighteningmygripon

thephone.“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”

Hegoesontotellmeeverything,noemotionatallevidentinhisvoice.Therewasa

gasleakinthehouse,andbothourparentsdiedofcarbon-monoxidepoisoning.Asan
afterthought,heletsmeknowthatthelive-inmaidhadalsolostherlife.Luckily,thecook
wasvisitingherfamily,andthegardener’shousewasnotattachedtothemainhouse,so
theywerespared.

Mybrainisgoinginamilliondifferentdirections,butonequestionkeepspushingits

waytotheforefront.“Whythehelldidn’tthemonitorswakethemup?”

Themansionwaswiredwithadeluxesecuritysystem,includingfireandcarbon

monoxidemonitoring.Theminutegasstartedleaking,analarmshouldhavesounded,and
theauthoritiesshouldhavebeenalerted.Thereisnoreasonintheworldthatthreepeople
shouldhavelosttheirlives,oneofthembeingmyownmother.I’mnotgoingtoletmyself
thinkaboutthatjustyet,though.

“Idon’tknowtheanswertothatyet,”hereplies,anedgetohisvoice.“Thefirechief

saysthatitlookslikethesecuritysystemwasmanuallyshutoff,buthewon’tknowmore
untiltheinvestigationisfinished.”

“Thatdoesn’tmakeanysense.Timothynevercutsitoff,”Istate,feelingmybody

vibratingwithamixtureofanger,surprise,andloss.

Iwasneverclosetomymother.Iwasraisedbyaseriesofnanniesandhousehold

staff,oneofthosebeingthelive-inhousekeeperwhodiedalongwithmymomlastnight.
MomwasonlyaroundwhenIdidsomethingshedidn’tapproveof,orifshewantedto
showmeofftooneofhercronies.Mostofthetime,IfeltlikeIwasjustaburdentoher.
Infact,otherthanafewunpleasantphonecalls,Ihaven’treallytalkedtomymomin
years.Still,shewasmymom,theonlyoneIwilleverhave.

“Whyweren’tyouthere?”hebarksout,ignoringmystatement.“Youweresupposed

tospendthenightthere.”

Suddenly,ithitsme,therealityofthesituation.Icouldhavediedlastnight.Icould

havelostmylife,justlikemymotherandstepfatherdid.Ifitwasn’tforallthesnide
commentsthatsentmerunning,Iwouldbedead.Thatrealizationhitsharderthanmyown
mother’sdeath.

“Youweresupposedtobethere!”heshoutsagain,bringingmeoutofthemorbid

thoughts.“Whyinthehellareyoustayingatahotel?”

“IfIwasthere,Iwouldbedead,too,”Ireply,feelingtheweightofmywordsonmy

shoulders.

AlongwiththeguiltIfeel,itmakesmystomachturnonceagain.Yeah,Ifeelguilty

butnotmuchmore.Maybe,afterthisallsinksin,Iwillstarttofeelthegriefoflosingmy
mother.Fornow,Itrytofocusonthepositive.Atthemoment,theonlythingIcanbe
gratefulforisthatthecookandIweren’tthere.

GeorgiaistheonlypersonImissedfromthathouseafterIleft.Shewasalready

workingforTimothywhenmymothermarriedhim.Sheranthekitchenwithafirmhand
butalwayshadasmileonherface.Shewasmorelikeamothertomethanmineeverwas.
ThemajorityofthetimeIspentathome,Iwasinthekitchenwithher.Istartedhelpingby
thetimeIwasseven.Bynine,shewasteachingmetocookcompletemeals.Spending
timewithheriswheremyloveforcookingbegan.Sheiswhoencouragedmetofollow
mydreams.

Knowingthatnowisnotthetimetogetlostinmythoughts,Idirectmyattention

backtoMiles.“Ican’tbelievethishappened.”

Insteadofcommiseratingwithme,hebarksoutanangryorder.“Youneedtoget

overhererightnow.”

Withthat,hehangsupthephone.Istareatitforamoment,mythoughtsswirling

aroundinmyhead.Avisionofmymother’sfacefillsmymind.TryasImight,asmuchas
Iwishtoseeasmile,Ican’tgetthenastysnarloffherface.Ishakeitawayandstandup,
walkingovertomysuitcaseandgrabbingapairofjeans.

AsIpullthemon,Isearchmysoul,tryingtofindthepainIshouldbefeeling.

Instead,Ifindasenseofloss—notforthelossofmymothersomuchasthelossofthe
motherIwishIhad.EventhoughI’manadultnow,Ihadstillhopedthatonedayshe
couldbethemotherIlongedforandneeded.Idofeelpainatthefactshelostherlifeso
young,nottomentionforthedeathsofmystepfatherandtheotherpoorwomanthatisno
longeramongtheliving.Still,mysoulisfilledwithregretofwhatIwouldneverhave:a
mom.

Notthinking,Iwalkbackovertothenightstandandpickupmyphone,clickingon

thenameoftheonepersonintheworldIlovemorethananyone.Ifanybodycanhelpme
throughthis,it’shim.Liftingittomyear,IwaitforthevoiceofthemanIknowwillmake
everythingallright.Onthethirdring,Igetmywish.

“Hey,babygirl,”hesays,causingtearstofillmyeyes.

Sniffingawaythetears,IsaytheonlywordsIcan.“Ineedyou,Daddy.”

ChapterTwo

Van

AsBrassandIheadtothecommonroom,theonlythoughtonmymindisgettingashot
ofJackDanielsandfindingmyselfawillingwomantoworkoutsomeofthestressIam
carryingaround.Ithasbeenonehellofaday,dealingwithmydaughter’smommaandall
herdrama.Thebitchdoesn’tgiveashitaboutCline.Toher,ourdaughterisnothingmore
thanawaytoirritatethefuckoutofme.Tome,Clineismylife.Iwoulddoanythingfor
mylittlegirl,evendealwithhercrazyashellmother.

“Ineedadrink,”Imumbleaswewalkdownthehall.

Brassnods,onesideofhislipstippingup.“Moreliketen.”

He’sright.Ineedawholedamnbottle.Thisshitisgoingtohavetocometoanend

soon,orI’mgonnaendupdoingsomethingstupid.Iwon’tbeabletoholdmyshit
togethermuchlonger.Then,I’llkillthebitch.Knowingmytemper,Iwon’tdoitsmart
either.Fuckno!I’llbemessyandendupwearingprisonorangefortherestofmylife.

Justlastweek,shedraggedmyassbacktocourt,wantingmoremoney.NotthatI

giveashitaboutthemoney;Ijustrefusetopayforhertoliveitupwhileshepassesmy
littlegirlofftoanyonewhowillwatchher.Unless,ofcourse,thatpersonisme.She
doesn’twantmeseeingClineatall.Fuck,Ihadtofightlikehelljusttogetvisitation
rights.Beingabikercanmakeshitlikethatnearlyimpossible.

Today,though,Ifinallywon.Lastweek’sjudgewasabletoseepastmycut,tothe

maninside.Moreimportantly,hewasabletoseepasttheSusiehomemakerfaçadethe
bitchputson.Insteadofmoremoney,shegetsless.Evenbetter,Igetsharedcustodyof
Cline.ShewillstayatmyhousefromSundaytoSunday,thendothesamethenextweek
withthecuntthatgavebirthtoher.It’snotperfect,butit’sahellofalotbetterthanthe
every-other-weekendvisitationthatIhad.

Ofcourse,whenReginafoundout,shewasfuckingloco.Sheshowedupatmy

housetopickupClinebeforeIevenhadachancetotalktomylawyer.Thebitchshoved
papersinmyfaceandstartedscreamingherfuckingheadoff,notcaringthatoursix-year-
olddaughterwastheretoseeitall.Iwastoofuckinghappytodiscoverwhatthejudge
saidtoevenlistentohercomplaints.Ileteverywordshesaidrolloffmeuntilsheslapped
meacrosstheface.Then,Ilostmyshit.

LikeTitotaughtme,Iheldbackfrompayingherbackinkind.Instead,Igavemy

daughteraquickkissontheforeheadthenslammedthedoorinRegina’sfacebefore
lettingmyangeroutonthewall.Imayhavebrokenaknuckleortwo,andI’mstillpissed
asfuck,butatleastI’mnotsittinginacellrightnow,losinganychancetoseemy
daughteragain.

“Icouldtakethebitchoutforyou,”Brassoffersforthehundredthtime.“Noone

wouldeverfindherbody.”

AsmuchasI’mtemptedtogivehimtheokay,Ishakemyhead.“Notyet,brother.

I’llletyouknowifitcomestothat.”

EversinceReginastartedpullinghershit,Brasshasbeenofferingtogetridofher.

Likeme,helovesClinewitheverythinginhim.Hehatestheshithermommapullsand
hatesevenworsethatmylittlegirlhastowatchalltheshithermommadoes.Heknows
thereisn’tafuckingthingIcandoaboutit,notwithoutgettingmyasssenttoprisonand
leavingmydaughterwithoutafather.Hecoulddoit,though,andnoonewouldevertrace
itbacktohim.

PassingbythePres’soffice,itsoundslikehe’shavingahellofaday,too.Heand

Momaregoingatit.Evenafteralltheseyearstogether,alltheydoisfight.Theonlything
thatsurprisesmeisthefactherassisevenattheclubhouse.Shenevercomeshere.She
usedto,butTitoputastoptothatalongdamntimeago.

Hell,theyhaven’tlivedtogetherinyears.Hestayshereattheclubhouse,andshe

staysathishouse,onlycomingbyeverynowandthentocausetrouble.Whyhestayswith
her,I’llneverknow,butit’snotmyproblemanymore.IhauledassassoonasIcould,
takingaroomattheclubhousewhenIturnedsixteen.Ifinallygotmyownplaceafter
Clinewasborn.Still,Ispendmorenightsherethanthere.

Icontinuetoignorewhat’sgoingonwiththetwoofthem.Aswewalkintothe

commonroom,weheadstraighttothebar.AssoonastheprospectseesBrassandme,he
walksoverwithabottleofJackandtwoshotglasses.

“Lookslikeyoutwocoulduseadrink.Thebabymommagivingyouahardtime?”

Jerimiahasks,andIdon’teventrytohidethesneeronmyface.

Thereissomethingaboutthisjackassthatjustgetsonmylastnerve.Ididn’twantto

takehimon,didn’tthinkhewasworthyofevenaRiotMCprospectcut.Ifithadn’tbeen
forhisuncle,arespectedmemberoftheclub,hewouldbeoutonhisass.Evenso,ifhe
doesn’tshapeup,he’llbecut.AsVicePresident,Icanbootaprospectwithoutcallinga
vote.I’dhatetodothat,knowinghowmuchitwouldpissoffhisuncleRio,butI’lldoitif
needed.

Pickingupthebottle,Ibarkoutmyorder.“Bringusacoupleofbeerstothetable

andkeepyourfuckingmouthshut.”

Holdinghishandsupintheair,hebacksaway.“Nodisrespectmeant.”

Brassslamshisfistonthebartopandgrowls,“Didyounotunderstandthepart

aboutkeepingyourfuckingmouthshut?”

IlookoveratBrassandseehehasthesamelookofrevulsionthatI’msuremyown

faceiswearing.We’vetalkedabouttheprospectmorethanonce.Neitherofusfeelslike

hefitsintotheclub.We’vehadguyslikehimherebefore,andtheyneverlast.He’stoo
clean-cut,toomuchofapussytoeverbeamemberofRiotMC.That’snotwhatis
botheringus,though.Theproblemisthatbothofushaveagutfeelingliketheassholehas
someothermotivationforbeinghere.

Idon’tthinkhe’ssmartenoughtobearat.Eventheboysinbluearenotdumb

enoughtoplacesuchadumbassinsidetheclubandexpecttogetinformation.No,Ithink
heisjustdumbenoughtothinkthisisthelifehewants,andthatcouldgethimhurt.Not
tomention,itcouldgetoneofthebrothershurt.

Shakingoffmythoughts,Iheadtoanemptytableandtakeaseat.Takingthetopoff

thebottle,Ipoursomeintheshotglassandquicklydownthefieryliquid.Ipouranother
formyselffirst,beforeIevenconsiderhandingitovertoBrass.I’vedownedmysecond
beforehecanevenpourhisfirst.

WebothstayquietuntilJerimiahbringsusourbeers.Iwatchhimwalkaway,

stoppingtotalktosomeofthebrothersonhisway.Iseethesamelookofdisgustonall
theirfaces.Ikeepmyeyesonhimuntilhereachesthebar,wonderingwhatthefuckI’m
goingtodoaboutthisshit.Theanswerisclear;he’sgottogo.

“Weneedtogetridofthatkid,”Brassstates,finallypickinguphisshot.“Rio’s

nephewornot,weneedtocuthim.”

Inodmyheadinagreementbeforegrabbingthebottle.“I’mgonnatalktoTitoabout

it,seeifhe’sfeelingthesameway.Ifso,hisassisgone.”

Brass,likeme,isalifertotheclub.AllheknowsisRiotMC,andmorethanlikely,

thatisallhewilleverknow.Brassgrewupasaclubbrat,justlikeme.Hisdadwasa
member,andhismomanoldlady.Wegrewuptogether,becomingfriendsbeforeeitherof
usevenknewwhattherealmeaningofthatwordwas.Thatfriendshiphasonlygrown
overtheyears,andIcouldn’taskforabettermantohavemyback.

HisdadwasoncetheSergeantatArms,arolethatBrasstookoverafterhisdeath.

Aboutthreeyearsago,BrassandhisdadweredoingaruntoNewJersey.I’mnotsure
whathappened,buttheytotaledthetruck.Thankfully,itwasafterthedrugshadbeen
droppedoff.Unfortunately,welostagoodbrotherthatday,andBrasslosthisfather.Even
worse,hewastheonebehindthewheel.Gettingtheofficer’spatchwasallmyfriendhad
everwanted,butIknowthewayhegotitstillhauntshim.

“Lookslikeyou’regonnagetyourchancetotalktohimnow,”Brasssays,pulling

meawayfrommythoughts.

Lookingovermyshoulder,IseeTitostompingmyway.Hisfaceisasdarkasa

thundercloud,lettingmeknowheispissedasfuck.I’msureithassomethingtodowith
mymom.Normally,I’dlistentohimbitchabouther.AsmyPresident,Idon’thavemuch
choice.AstheonlyfatherIeverreallyknew,Iwouldn’tfeelrightturningmybackonhim
anyway.Today,though,Idon’tthinkIcanhandlehearingtheirbullshit.

“Thatmotherofyoursisgoingtodrivemefuckingcrazy.I’maboutdonewith

puttingupwithhershit,”hestatesasheplopsdowninachairandgrabsthebottle.

“What’sherproblemnow?”Brassasks,leaningbackinhischairandcrossinghis

armsoverhischest.

Brasshatesmymother.Hefuckingcan’tstandher.Ifshecomesintotheroom,he

walksout.Itwasn’talwayslikethat.Atonetime,Ithoughthehadacrush—nothing
serious,justkidshit.Thepuppydoglookheusedtogivehermademesicktomy
stomach.Then,whenhewasabouttwelveorthirteen,hejustquitcomingaround.WhenI
askedhimwhatwasup,hesaidhecouldn’tstandtobearoundmymomanylonger.I
neveraskedhimwhy.Thetruthis,Ireallydidn’twanttoknow.Withmymom,there’sno
tellingwhatshedid.

“She’sjustbeingabitch,nothingnew,”herepliesbeforedowningadrinkrightfrom

thebottle.“She’salwaysridingmyass.”

Notwantingtohearmore,Ichangethesubject.“IwanttotalktoyouaboutRio’s

nephew.Ithinkweneedtocuthim.”

Thewordsarebarelyoutofmymouthbeforehestartsshakinghishead.Hedoesn’t

respond,justliftshishandandmotionsforthedickheadtobringhimabeer.WhenIstart
tosaysomething,heshakeshisheadatmetokeepmymouthshut.Weallstayquietuntil
hisbeerisinfrontofhimandtheprospectisbackbehindthebar.

“We’lltalkaboutthatlater,”Titostates,takingapullfromhisbeer.“Rightnow,

there’smoreimportantshittodiscuss.Veronica’smomdiedlastnight,alongwithher
stepdad.”

“Damn.”Iletoutadeepbreathashiswordssinkit.“Whatthehellhappened?Did

theygetinanaccidentorsomething?”

Ihaven’tseenRonniinyears,notsincethesummershewreckedherbike.OnceI

toldTitohowMomwastreatingher,hesworethathisdaughterwouldneverhavetobe
aroundheragain.HestillalwayssawRonni,everyChristmasandacoupleofweeks
duringthesummer,butheneverbroughtherhereagain.Instead,theytraveledalloverthe
fuckingcountry.Evenwhenshegrewup,shestilldidn’tcomearound.Iguess,growing
upthewayshedid,shethinksshe’stoogoodtohangoutwithabunchofbikers.Sheand
Titostillseeeachother,morenowthanbefore.Theyjustdon’tdoitinIndiana.

“Notreallysure.Somethingaboutagasleakandcarbonmonoxidepoisoning,”he

explains,bringingtheJacktohislipsagain.“I’mgonnacatchthenextflightintoHouston.
Igottagetdownthereandmakesureshe’ssafe.Thewaysheexplainedwhathappened
doesn’tmakemuchsense.”

Hetakesadeepbreaththenlooksoveratme.“Shewassupposedtobestayingatthe

housewiththem.Iguesstheypissedheroff,soshepackedupandwenttoahotel.Ifshe
hadstayed,she’dbegone,too.”

ThelookonhisfaceisoneI’mnotusedto.It’salookofanguish,butknowinghow

hefeelsabouthisdaughter,Iunderstandit.I’malwaysworriedthatsomethingwill
happentoCline.Everytimesheclimbsthestairsorridesherbike,Ifreakthefuckout,
thinkingabouteverythingthatcouldhappen.Ifshecamethatclosetolosingherlife,I’d
becompletelyfucked.Iwouldn’tknowwhattodo.

Thelookofanguishfadesashepourshimselfanothershot.“It’sgonnabetoughon

her.Veronicalikestopretendshe’stough,butshenot.Nomatterhowmuchtheybutted
heads,orhowmuchdistanceshe’shadfromhermotherovertheyears,shitlikethisis
gonnabehard.Ican’tletmybabygirldothisshitonherown.Nottomention,Iwantto
watchastheylowerthatbitch’scoffinintheground.”

TherewasnolovelostbetweenTitoandRonni’smom.WhenRonniwasakid,he

hadtofighttoothandnailjusttoseeher.Atthetime,Ididn’tunderstandit.Notseeingmy
owndad,otherthanvisitstotheprison,Ididn’tunderstandhowimportantitwas.Now
thatIhaveCline,IunderstandwhyTitofoughtsohardtobeinRonni’slife.

“Pleasedon’ttellmethatbitchwaspissedoffbecauseyou’regoingtoTexastobe

withyourkid,”Brasssays,notcaringthathejustinsultedmymotherandTito’soldlady.

“She’swhackedinthehead,andI’mevenmorefuckedupforkeepingheraround,”

Titoexplainswithashrugthenlooksbackatme.“Idon’tknowhowlongI’llbegone,but
IneedyoutobeinchargewhileI’mgone.”

“I’vegotyoucovered.”Inod,knowingwhatisexpected.“Yougodowhatyou’ve

gottadoanddon’tworryabouttheclub.”

ChapterThree

Veronica

ThepreacherramblesonandonabouthowwonderfulTimothyandmymotherwere,even
thoughwhathereallymeansistheirmoneywaswonderful.Hedidn’treallyknowthem.
Neitherofthemwenttochurch;atleast,notmorethanatimeortwoayear.Still,my
stepfathersentacheckineveryweektothebiggestMethodistchurchinHouston.Hegave
themenoughmoneythathisnamewaslistedasabenefactor,eventhoughhedidn’tattend.
Thepreacherwon’tmisseitherMomorTimothy,butheisdefinitelygoingtomisstheir
weeklydonations.

Whenhefinallywindsdown,hewaveshishandstowardthecrowdofmournersand

quietlysays,“Let’sbowourheadsandpray.”

Ilowermyheadashesays,butIcan’tfocusontheprayer.Instead,mymindis

whirlingwithamillionquestions.Howdidthishappen?Whydidithappen?Mostofall,
I’mwonderingwhyIdon’thurtmore.I’vetriedtofeelanguishatthelossofmymother,
butit’sjustnotthere.Ididn’tknowherenoughtobefeelinganyrealsenseofloss.WhatI
didknow,Ididn’treallylike.

MymindfinallyfocuseswhenIhearthewordsoftheLord’sPrayer.“…forgiveus

ourtrespasses,asweforgivethosewhotrespassagainstus.Andleadusnotinto
temptation,butdeliverusfromevil.Forthineisthekingdom,thepower,andtheglory.
Foreverandever.”

“Amen,”Iwhisperashefinishes.

Dadtightenshisarmsaroundmeasthecoffinsarelowereddown.Ileanintohim,

soakinguphiswarmth,feelinggratefulthathe’sherewithme.Myeyesstaytrainedon
mymother’scasketuntilitisnolongervisible.Whenit’sgone,Ifeelnothing—noloss,no
pain,justasenseofhollownessthatIcan’tquiteexplain.

“Youdoingokay,babygirl?”Dadwhispers,placingakissonthetopofmyhead.

“It’sokaytocryifyouwantto.”

BeforeIcanevenrespond,Milesisatmysidetalking.“Youneedtogetbacktothe

house.Dad’slawyerisalreadythere.We’regonnahavethereadingofthewillbefore
everyoneshowsupforthereception.”

Iblinkinsurprise,notquitebelievinghewouldbringupsuchathingrighthereat

hisfather’sgraveside.Peopleareallaroundus;anyonecouldhear.Evenme,whomy

motheralwaysclaimedasuncouthasapersoncanbe,knowsthisisnottheplacetobe
talkingaboutthingslikethat.Idon’tknowwhyI’msurprised,though.Ihaven’tbelieved
halfofthethingsMileshasdoneoverthelastfewdays.

“Youneedtobackthefuckoff,”Dadgrowls,holdingmeclosetohisside.“She

doesn’tneedtodealwiththatshitrightnow.”

Milesstartstosaysomething,butIcuthimoff,knowingwhateverhesayswill

probablycauseDadtolosehisshit.“I’mheadingthatwaynow.”

Dadgrumblesunderhisbreathbutdoesn’tsayanything.Hesimplypullsmeacross

thegraveyard,weavingaroundallthepeoplestandingaround.Wewalkstraightpastthe
limothatMilesinsistedIrideinandheadforDad’srentalcar.Oncethere,heopensthe
doorandhelpsmeinside.Myeyesneverleavehisashewalksaroundthefrontofthecar
andclimbsinonthedriver’sside.

Assoonasthedoorisshut,helooksovertome.“Thatstepbrotherofyoursisareal

pieceofwork.Ifyouweren’tgoingthroughsodamnmuch,Iwouldhaveknockedthe
fuckoutofhimandenjoyedthehelloutofdoingit.”

MylipstipupasItrytomakelightofthesituation.“Itwouldn’tbotherme.You’re

morethanwelcometobeatonhimallyouwant,butifyoudecidetolayhimout,letme
knowinadvance.Ineedtimetopulloutmyphone.I’llhavetocatchthatshitonvideo,
playitbackwhenIhaveabadday.”

Hechucklesandsays,“I’lldomybesttogiveyouwarning.”

Westayquietaswedriveacrosstown,bothlostinourownthoughts.Istudymy

dad’sprofile,tryingtoseeifheishurtingatthelossofmymother.Iknowthetwoofthem
nevergotalong,notforaslongasIcanrememberanyway,butatonetimehemusthave
feltsomethingforher.Studyinghimnow,Iseenolossonhisface.Iseeworryand
sadness,butbothofthoseareforme.

Turningaway,Istareoutthewindowandwatchthecitypassby.Again,Itrytofind

alittlesadnesswithinmysoul.WhenIstillcan’tfindany,Istarttoworry.Whatdoesthat
sayaboutme?WhatkindofpersonamIthatIdon’tevenmournthedeathofmyown
mother.Bythetimewepullupinfrontofthemonstrositymymothercalledhome,Ifeel
liketheworldissittingonmyshoulders.

WhenDadcutsoffthecar,hereachesoverandgrabsmyhand.“You’regonnabe

okay.I’llberightbyyoursidetheentiretime.”

Ismileathimandgivehimanod.“Iknow.”

Hegetsoutandwalksaroundthecar,openingmydoorandhelpingmeout.He

wrapshisarmsaroundmyshouldersandkeepsthemtheretheentireway.Bythetimewe
getinside,Milesispacingbackandforthinthefoyer.

“Tookyoulongenough.I’vebeenherefornearlyfiveminutes,”hestates,hisarms

crossedoverhisscrawnychest.

Iignorehimandstartmakingdemandsofmyown.“Mydad’sgoingbacktherewith

me,orI’mnotgoinginthereatall.”

“Idon’tcarewhoyoubring,justhurryup,”hewhines,turningawayandheading

downthehalltoTimothy’soffice.

Dadgrumblesagainbutstaysquietasheleadsmedownthehallway.Whenwe

finallystepintotheoffice,IseeamanwearingglassessittingatTimothy’sdesk.Heis
lookingoversomepapersspreadacrossthedesk.

“Veronica’sfinallyhere,socanwegetstartednow?”Milesasks,takingaseatacross

fromthedesk.

Theman,Iassumemyfather’slawyer,looksatmystepbrother.“Ireallydon’tfeel

comfortablewiththis.Thereareotherpeopleincludedinthewillthatshouldbehere.At
theveryleast,theyshouldbemadeawarethattheyareinthewillfirst.”

TheyarguebackandforthwhileDadleadsmetothesofaatthefarendoftheroom.

Wesitdown,meleaningintohisside,andItrytokeepmyselffocusedontheheated
conversationtheyarehaving.Instead,Igetlostlookingattheflamesinthefireplace.It
runsoffnaturalgas,justlikeeveryotherfireplaceinthehouse.Lookingatitnow,itlooks
beautiful.Ican’tbelievesomethingthatcancreatesuchbeautycanleadtosuchtragedy.

“Aslongasyouknowwewillhavetodothisagainwheneveryoneisavailable,”the

lawyersaysbeforelookingatme.“Timothyupdatedhiswillsixyearsago.Atthattime,
healsomadeavideotapethathewantedtobeplayedforjustyouandMiles.Iamgoingto
playthatfirst.”

“Allright.”Inod,notsureofwhatelsetosay.

Aminuteortwolater,mystepfather’sculturedvoicefillstheroom.Myheartskipsa

beat,realizingthiswillprobablybethelasttimeIeverhearhisvoice.Istareatthe
television,hangingabovethefireplace,andwatchasTimothytalks.HestartswithMiles,
ofcourse,listingallofthebusinessesandpropertiesfirst.Then,hegoesontobequeath
himmoremoneythanIwillmakeinalifetime.

“Son,I’mleavingyoumylife’swork.Ihopeyoudon’tdisappointme,”Timothy

says,notevenbotheringtotellhisonlychildhelovedhim.

“Whatabouttherestofthemoney?”Milesshouts,jumpingupfromhischairwithso

muchforcethatittipsoverandbangsagainstthemahoganycoveredfloor.

Thetelevisionpausesjustbeforetheystarttoargueagain.Iraisemyheadenoughto

lookupatDad.Ishakemyhead,lettinghimknowthatshitisfuckedup.Milesjust
inheritedmillionsofdollars,anoilbusinessthatbringsinmillionsmoreeveryyear,and
homesallovertheworld.Whyhe’scomplaining,Ijustdon’tknow.

Dadleansdownandwhispers,“Toldyou,thebastard’sarealpieceofwork.”

WhenMilesfinallysettlesdown,thelawyerstartsthevideoagain.Mystepfather

startstalkingtomethistime,hiseyesfullofdisapproval.Heramblesoffaninsane
amountofmoney,morethanIeverthoughthewouldconsiderleavingtome.I
immediatelyknowIdon’twantapennyofit.AssoonasIgethome,I’llstartlookingfora
charity,maybemultiplecharities,togiveitto.

“IfyourmotherandIshouldhappentodiebeforeyouturntwenty-five,your

inheritancewillbeheldinatrustuntilyourbirthday.Hopefully,youwillhavematured
enoughbythentohandletheresponsibility.Theonlywaythatwillhappenisifyoufinally
leaveyourhumblebeginningsbehindyou.Yourmotherhasgrownintoaworthywoman.
Ifyouwouldcutcontactwithyourdisgracefulfather,Ibelieveyouwillbeabletodothe
samething.”

Icanfeelmyfather’sbodytenseanddecideIhavehadenough.Ipullawayfrom

him,justenoughtostandup,thenreachmyhanddownforhimtograb.Heplaceshis
handinminethenstandsbesideme.Removinghishandfrommine,helayshisarm
aroundmyshouldersonceagain.Hegivesmeasqueezethenkissesthetopofmyhead.

Ismileupathimthenlooktowardthelawyer.“I’mleaving.Idon’twantanyofthe

money.I’llsendyouthecharitiesIwantitdonatedtointhenextfewweeks.”

Withthosewords,wewalkoutoftheroom.Dadleadsmethroughthehouse,

ignoringthepeoplethathavealreadystartedfillingtherooms.Weheadstraighttothecar.
Whenwegetthere,Ilookupatthehouse,knowingit’sthelasttimeIwilleverseeit.

“I’mnevergoingtocomebackhereagain,”Isay,feelingnoremorseatall.“AndI

canhonestlysayIwon’tmissitatall.”

“Can’tsayIblameyou,babygirl,”Dadreplies,openingthedoorandhelpingme

intomyseat.

Asheshutsthedoor,Iclosemyeyesthenpullinadeepbreathandslowlyletitout.

Timothy’swordsplayoverandoveragaininmyhead.Eachtime,theyhurtalittleworse.
He’snothingtome,neverreallywas.Samegoesformymother.IhaveallthefamilyI
need.Ihavemydadandmyfriends.Idon’tneedanythingelse.

Bythetimehegetsaroundtothedriver’sside,allthetensionIhavebeencarrying

aroundhasleftmybody.I’mfree—freefromtheshitmymotherandstepfatherbroughtto
mylife.NeveragainwillIletanyonemakemefeelbadaboutbeingme.

AssoonasDadshutsthedoor,Ilookoverathim.“Iloveyou,Daddy.You’rethe

bestfatherintheworld,alwayshavebeen.”

“Iloveyou,too,babygirl.”Heleansover,placingakissonmycheek.“Andyou’re

thebestdaughteranymancouldeveraskfor.”

ChapterFour

Veronica

WalkingthroughthedoorofthehouseIsharewithmytwobestfriends,mybodyisstill
shakingwithfear.Igodowntomyknees,wrappingmyarmsaroundmydogwhenruns
uptome.Ihughimtightly,needinghisloveatthemoment.WhenDenverstartslicking
myface,Ifeelabitofthetensionleavesmybody.

Pushingmyselfoffthefloor,IgiveDenveralongrubthenfocusontheproblemat

hand.Mylifenearlyendedtonight,thethirdtimeinthelastfourmonths.Thefirst
happenedonlytwoweeksafterIburiedmymotherandstepfather.Thattime,Iwas
crossingthestreet,andacarcameoutofnowhere.Luckily,Iwasabletojumpoutofits
way,leavingmyselfwithnothingbutafewscratchesandsomebruises.

Thesecondincidentwasevenworse.Iwaspushedfrombehindwhilewaitingforthe

L-train.Ifithadn’tbeenforthequickreflexesofthemanstandingbesideme,Iwould
haveendeduponthetracks.ItriedtellingtheotherpassengersthatIwaspushed,but
everyonelookedatmeasifIhadlostmymind.Afterthinkingaboutit,Istartedtoagree
withthem.

Ishookbothofthoseoff,tellingmyselftheywerenothingmorethanaccidents.

Tonightwasdifferent.Itwasadirectattack.Nowaywasitanaccident.Iwasstanding
behindtherestaurant,gettingsomeairduringmybreak.Onesecond,Iwasalone.The
next,amanwasstandinginfrontofme.Agunwasinhishand,anditwaspointedatme.
Justbeforehepulledthetrigger,thedooropened,andoneofthedishwasherswalked
outside.Hispresencealonewasenoughtoscarethegunmanaway.

IfyoucountChristmasnight,itactuallymakesfourbrusheswithdeath.IfIhad

stayedthere,IwouldbedeadrightalongwithTimothy,Mom,andthehousekeeper.Itry
nottothinkofthat,buteachincidentbringsitback.Aftertonight,I’mbeginningtothink
noteventhegasleakwastrulyanaccident.

AsmuchasItrytoconvincemyselfotherwise,thereisnowaythatitisalla

coincidence.Someoneistryingtokillme,andIhaveaprettygoodideawhothatsomeone
is.Ijustcan’tunderstandwhy.I’msofreakingconfusedthatIcan’tthinkstraight.The
thoughtsrushingthroughmymindcan’tbereal;there’snodamnway.Ihavetobewrong,
havetobe.

Walkingintothelivingroom,Iseemytwobestfriendssittingonthecouch.Kat,

Erin,andIhavebeenfriendsforyears,eversinceweallendedupatthesameboarding

school.Ourfriendshipstayedstrong,evenafterweleftschoolandwentourseparate
ways.Wheneachofusgotoutofcollege,orculinaryschoolinmycase,wereconnected
andmovedintogether.We’vebeensharingahouseforthelasttwoyears.Usually,Ilove
havingthemaround,butrightnow,IwishIlivedonmyown.Ineedsomealonetimeto
thinkthisthrough.

“Whatthehellhappenedtoyou,Veronica?”Katasks,pushingherselfoffthecouch

andwalkingmyway.“Youlooklikeshit.”

She’sright;Ilooklikecrap.IwassoupsetafterthegunmanranoffthatIendedup

leavingworkearly.Notwantingtocomehomeandfacemyfriends,Ispentthenextthree
hoursridingtheL-trainfromendtoend.Ofcourse,theentiretime,Iwascryingmyeyes
out.

LookingintoKat’sworriedeyes,Ichewonmybottomlip.Myeyesfinallymove

overtoErinandseeherstaringatmewithconcernwrittenalloverherface.Iwanttotell
themwhatisgoingon,butI’mscaredto.Ifeellike,ifIsayitoutloud,thewordswill
makeitallreal.Rightnow,I’mnotsureIcandealwithreality.

Ishakemyhead,pastingonafakesmile.“I’mokay,justalongnight.”

“Shethinksherstepbrotheristryingtokillher,”Erinstates,lookingdownatthe

laptopsittinginherlap.“And,she’sright.”

Myentirebodylocksup,chillsworkingtheirwayupanddownmyspine.Even

Denvercanfeelthetensionrunningthroughoutmybody.Hekeepsrubbingagainstmy
legs,lettingoutalittlewoofeveryfewseconds,tryingtosoothemeintheonlywayhe
can.IreachdownandgivehimaquickpatbeforelookingbackatErin.

“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”Iask,tryingtokeepthefearoutofmyvoice.

Erintapsonherlaptopafewsecondsmorethensetsitonthecoffeetable.Shetakes

asecond,staringdownatheremptylap,beforelookingupatme.Shefinallystandsup
andwalksmyway.Whenshegetscloseenough,shegrabsmyhandandgivesita
squeeze.

“Telluswhathappenedtonight,andI’lltellyouwhatIknow,”Erinsays,noneofher

normallight-heartednessinhervoice.

Katlooksatus,angercloudinghereyes.“Tellmeyoudidn’tnearlydieagain.”

“Ican’t,”Ireplywithashrugbeforetellingthemwhathappened.

BythetimeIamdonewithmystory,Katisshoutingandissuingthreats.Erin,onthe

otherhand,isjustlookingatmewithpity.Sheknowssomething,somethingthatI’mnot
gonnalike.AsmuchasIwishIcouldignorethiswholesituation,Ican’t.Ihavetofigure
outwhatthehellisgoingon,evenifIdon’ttrulywanttoknow.

“Tellmewhatyouthinkishappening,”Iorder,pushingthewordspastthelumpin

mythroat.

“AssoonasyoucalledtotelluswhathappenedonChristmas,Iknewsomethingwas

wrong.Timothywouldn’thaveturnedoffthealarmsystem,”shesayswithashrug.

IthoughtthesamethingwhenIfoundoutwhathadhappened.Timothymadesure

thatalarmwasonconstantly.NotonceinmylifehaveIeverseenitturnedoff.Evenwhen
theelectricitywentoff,duetoweatherormaintenance,ageneratorwouldkickonand
keepeverythingrunning.Milessaidthesamethingatfirst.Afewdayslater,hechanged
hisstory.Heclaimedthattherehadbeensomeissueswiththealarmgoingoffforno
reason,sohisdadturneditoff,planningtohaveitlookedataftertheholidays.
Supposedly,heonlyrememberedafterbeingquestionedbytheauthorities.

“Ifyouwouldn’thavebeensohard-headedandletuscometothefuneral,Icould

haverunacheckonthesecuritysystem.Iwouldhaveabetterideaofwhathappened,”
shesayswithashrug.“It’stoolateforthatnow.”

“IexplainedwhyIdidn’twantyoutocome,”Iwhisper,hearingthehurtinher

voice.

BothKatandErinwantedtocome.Theybeggedmetoletthemflydown,butI

wouldn’tletthem.Neitherofthemcomesfrommoney.Theywereattheboardingschool
onscholarships,becausetheybothhaveIQshigherthanAlbertEinstein.Momand
Timothydidn’tcarethattheywerebrilliant;theyonlysawthemaspoorkidstheydidn’t
wantmeassociatingwith.Milesfeltthesameway,havinggonesofarastomakecracks
aboutthemwhilewewereplanningourparents’funeral.NowaywasIgoingtoputmy
twofriendsthroughthatshit.

“Witheachaccidentyou’vehad,it’sbecomemoreobvious.Afteryouwerenearly

turnedintoaspeedbumpforthetrain,Idecidedtodosomethingmorethanworry,”Erin
states,thankfullygettingbacktothesubjectathand.“Ididsomediggingandfoundout
someinterestingstuffaboutMiles.Yourbrotherisinseriousdebttoaloanshark,maybe
morethanone,andheneedsyourinheritancetopayitoff.”

Itrytomakesenseofwhatsheissaying,butIjustcannotgetmybrainwrapped

aroundtheideathatmystepbrothermaybetryingtokillme.Whenallwassaidanddone,
includingthejewelrymymotherleftme,Iinheritedoversixmilliondollars.Thatis
pocketchangetowhatmystepbrothergot.MilesinheritedthemajorityofTimothy’s
estate.Hereceivedthecompanyandcontrollinginterestinalloftheoilwellshisdadhad
owned.Healsotookownershipofalltheproperties,whichincludedthemansionin
Houstonandsixestatesinthreedifferentcountries.Combined,allofthatisvaluedatover
abilliondollars.Whenyouaddinfutureprofits,you’retalkingaboutbillions.Then,he
receivedahellofalotofmoneytoboot.

LookingatErininconfusion,Iask,“Hejustinheritedmoremoneythanhecould

spendinalifetime.Whywouldhewantmyinheritance?”

“He’sbroke.Bythetimehisdaddied,Mileswasswimmingindebt.Assoonashe

gothishandsonthemoney,itwasgone.Everythingisgone,eventhehousehegrewup
in.”Lettinggoofmyhand,Erintakesastepbackandshakesherhead.“Evenwithallhe
inherited,heisstillindebt.Heneedsyourmoneytokeepfromgettinghisasstakenout.”

Kattakesastepbackandshouts,“You’vegottabekiddingme.”

“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”Iask,ignoringKat’soutburst.

Insteadofanswering,Erinwalksbacktothecouchandsitsdown.Then,shegrabs

herlaptopandstartsclickingkeys.Myfriendisatechguru.Ifyouputacomputerinfront

ofher,shecandoanything.Hell,shemadequiteabitofmoneyonaphoneappthatshe
createdinlessthanaday.Sheclicksawayforafewminutesbeforemotioningforusto
comeoverandlook.Afterploppingdownbesideher,Ilookatthescreen,notquitesureof
whatIamseeing.

“Whatisallthisshit?”IaskasDenverlayshisheadinmylap.

“Thisisacopyofyourstepbrother’sflightlogforthelastninemonths.Hehasflown

toLasVegastwenty-threetimes,AtlanticCityseventimes,andtwicetoMonteCarlo,”
sheexplains,pointingtothedatesonthescreen.“Hehasdonealotmoretraveling,too,to
placesthatarenotconsideredgamblinghotspots.Infact,hehasspentmoretimeaway
fromTexasthanhehasathome.Someofthatcouldbeforbusiness,butIbelievemostof
thetravelwasforhigh-stakespokergames.”

Sheflipsfromscreentoscreen,pullingupmoreandmoreinformationonmy

stepbrother.SheshowsmepicturesofhimsittingatthepokertablesinVegas,imagesshe
pulledrightfromhissocialmediaaccounts.Then,shestartsshowingmehisfinancials.
Miles’screditreportisfilledwithonemaxedoutaccountafteranother.Sheshowsmethe
billofsalesonallhispropertiesandmystepfather’sbusinessandoilwells,makingsure
thatIknowtheywereallsoldforpenniesonthedollar.Finally,sheshowsmeadivorce
decree,wherehesignedoverfullrightsofhisdaughtertohiswife.

“HemovedtoVegaslastmonth,”shetellsme,pullingupahotelregistration.“Since

then,hehasbeenlivinginahigh-rollersuiteatThePalms.Thatshit’snotcheap,sohehas
tobegettingmoneyfromsomewhere.”

“Yeah,he’sprobablyborrowingitfromsomeone,planningonpayingitbackwith

Veronica’sfuckingmoney,”Katshouts,angerfillinghervoice.“He’sbettingonyour
death,andthat’sabethe’splanningonwinning.”

“Theonlypersonwhowouldgiveyourbrotherthatkindofmoneywouldbealoan

shark.Bynow,heisprobablysofarindebtthathe’dbewillingtodoanything,evenkill
hisstepsister,”Erinexplainsbeforedrawinginadeepbreath.“But,thereisnowaywecan
provethat.Ifwetookwhatwehavetothepolice,Idoubtthey’deventalktohim.I’dbe
theonegoingtojail,forhackingintoyourbrother’sinformation.”

“Whydidn’tyoutellmeanyofthisbefore?”Iaskher.Erinisn’tusuallyonetokeep

somethinglikethisfromme,especiallyifshethoughtitcouldbedangerous.

“Ihadquestionsaboutthegasleak,andyoublewmeoff,”shesays,keepingher

voicegentle.“Ifyoudidn’twanttolistentomethen,whywouldyoulistentomenow.I
thoughtabouttellingyoumanytimes,butIcouldtellyouweretryingtomakeexcusesfor
theshitthatwashappeningtoyou.Wealldid.Thecarcould’vereallybeenanaccident.
Thetrain,too,forthatmatter,butitworriedme.That’swhyIdecidedtoseewhatIcould
findaboutMiles.Whennothinghappenedforafewweeks,IdecidedIwasprobably
wrong.Ihopedhehadgivenupandfoundanotherwaytocoverhisdebts.Aftertonight,
it’sobviousthathehasn’t.Somethingneedstobedonebeforeit’stoolate.”

Ilookbetweenmytwobestfriends,tryingtotakeineverythingI’vejustlearned.My

stepbrotherhasdestroyedeverythinghisfatherbuiltinjustafewshortmonths.With
everything,onlyonepartrunsthroughmymind.Thethoughtisenoughtomakemy

stomachroll.

“HekilledmymomandTimothy,killedthehousekeeper,andnowhewantstokill

me,”Iwhisper,swallowingbackthebilerisingupinmythroat.“WhatamIgoingtodo?”

Katgrabsmyhand,squeezingittightly.“Youknowwhatyouhavetodo.”

Withoutevensayinghisname,IknowKatistellingmeIneedtocallmydad.Imay

beagrownwomannow,butIwillalwaysbehislittlegirl.Hecanmakethisright,make
Milesleavemethehellalone.Theonlyproblemis,Dadwilldothatbyputtingabulletin
theasshole’shead.Atthispoint,Icouldn’tcarelessaboutmystepbrother,butIdon’t
wantmyDadgoingtojail.

Erinnods,tossingherarmovermyshoulder.“She’sright.Youhavetolethimknow

what’sgoingon.Thisisn’tsomethingyoucanfixbyyourself.”

“Iknow,”Ireluctantlyagree,hatingtolaythisonhisshoulders.

DadhasalwaysbeentherewheneverI’veneededhim,andthistimewouldbeno

different.Iwilljusthavetomakesureheunderstandsthathecanhelpme,aslongashe
doesn’tdoanythingthatwilllandhiminjail.Idon’tneedtofeelanymoreguilt.

Itakeaminute,tryingtofightbackthewaveofpanicfillingmybody.Finally,I

standupandsteparoundDenver’shugebodythenstartwalkingacrosstheroom.
Grabbingmypurseoffthehookbythedoor,Ipulloutmyphone.Notwantingtodoit,but
knowingIhaveto,Iclickonhisnameandwaitforhimtoanswer.

Assoonasheanswers,IsaythewordsIknowwillfixeverything.“Daddy,Ineed

youagain.”

ChapterFive

Van

Walkingintochurch,Ilookatalltheofficersalreadyseatedintheirspots,talkingtoeach
other.AsIsittotherightofTito,Iliftmychintohimandwaitforhimtostarttalking.
Thismeetingwascalledonthefly,somethingthatisonlydonewhenshitisgoingdown.
Usually,Iknowwhatthatshitisbutnotthistime.EvenwhenIaskedwhatinthehellwas
goingon,Titokeptquiet,justorderingmetocomein.

“Mylawyercalledafewhoursago.I’vegotuntileightinthemorningtoturnmyself

inatthejail.I’vegottospendthenextthirtydaysincountylock-up,”Titostates,bringing
everyone’sattentiontohim.

“Whatthefuck?”Imumble,wonderingwhatthehellhappened.“Whatthehell

happened?Ididn’tevenknowyourasswasintrouble.”

Titojerkshiseyestomethenlooksbackatthetable.“Igotpulledoverforspeeding

acoupleofweeksago,wascarryingalittleweed.IthoughtI’djusthavetopayafine,but
IgotJudgePorter.Thatassholehasgotastickuphisass,sohehadtomakeanexample
outofme.Igotthefine,butIalsogotalittletimeinsidetothinkabouttheerrorofmy
ways.”

Afewofthebrotherslaugh,butIdon’tthinkthisisalaughingmatter.Notthata

monthismuchtime;Titocandoit,noproblem.Theissueisthefactthattheclubwillbe
withoutthePresident.AsVP,it’smyjobtostepupandhandleshitwhenthePrescan’t,
andIcandoit.Still,thingsrunmuchsmootherwhenthegavelisinTito’shand.

“Ifyouhaveanyproblems,bringthemtoVan,”hestates,remindingeveryoneofmy

authority.“He’llmakesureeverythingisrunningsmoothly.”

“WhatabouttheGrimBastards?Aren’tyousupposedtobemeetingwithBozina

coupleofweeks?”Tazasks,cockinghisbrow.

Shit,Iforgotallaboutthat.RiotMCisjoiningforceswiththeGrimBastardsMCto

bringashipmentofgunsupfromTexas,andweweresupposedtoheaddownto
Tennesseetogooverourplans.It’sgonnabeprofitableasfuck,moremoneythantheclub
hasseeninyears,butitcomeswithalotofdanger.We’regonnabemovingblowbythe
truckload.Onewrongmoveandwe’llbespendingtherestofourlivesbehindbars.

Titolookstowardourroadcaptainthenpointsinmydirection.“Vanwillhandleit,

butIwantyouandBrassridingoutwithhim.”

BothTazandBrassnod,lettinghimknowtheyunderstand.Wemaybeamongthe

youngerofficers,butwearealsothesmartest.Notthattheolderbrothersaredumbfucks,
buttheyhaveahabitofgettingintoshit.IfTitosentoneofthemtoTennessee,we’dend
upwithaclubwaronourhands.Taz,Brass,andIdon’trunfromtrouble,butwedon’t
causeiteither.

“Gotsomethingelseweneedtotalkabout.It’spersonalfornow,butIwouldn’t

mindalittlehelpfrommybrothers,”Titobegins,scanningtheroomwithhiseyesthen
takingadrinkfromthebottleinfrontofhimbeforecontinuing.“Mygirlhasgotsome
trouble.IwanttoknowiftheclubiswillingtohelpmegetheroutofitorifI’mgoingto
havetoplaythisoneonmyown.”

Afewbrothersshoutoutofferstohelpbeforeheevenexplainsthesituation.Ikeep

mymouthshut,wantingtoknowwhatisgoingon.There’snoquestionthatIwillbeby
hisside;IjustwanttoknowwhatI’mgoingtobedealingwithbeforevoicinganopinion.

“Ifshe’sright,herfuckingstepbrotheristryingtokillher,”hesays,lettingusall

heartheangerinhisvoice.

Hegoesontotellusalltheshitthathasbeenhappening,explainingindetailhow

Ronni’smomandstepdaddied.Whenhestartstellingusabouttheso-calledaccidents
Ronnihasbeenhaving,Ifeelmyownangergrow.Bythetimehe’sdoneexplainingabout
herinheritanceandthedickhead’sneedforit,myangerhasturnedtofury.

“HowdidVeronicafindoutherbrotherowedloansharks?”theclub’senforcer,

Walker,asks.“IdoubtthefuckerairedallhisdirtylaundryonFacebook.”

“You’dbesurprisedwhatpeopleputonFacebook.Itwouldshocktheshitoutof

you,”Ram,theclub’ssecretary,pipesin.“Halfthetime,wheny’allaskmetotrack
someonedown,Idothatbysearchingtheirsocialmediaprofiles.”

“Herfriendfoundtheinformation.Erin’ssomekindofcomputersavant,”Tito

responds,crackinghisfirstsmileoftheday.“Iswear,thatchickcouldtellusthelasttime
thedicktookashitifshehadacomputerinherhand.”

Titokeepstalkingforafewminutes,answeringeveryquestionthebrothersthrowat

him.Izoneoutafterabit,tryingtofocusonwhathesaidbefore.Ikeeprunningitall
throughmyhead,comingtoaconclusionthatcausesmystomachtoclench.

“HekilledhisdadandRonni’smom,”Imumbletonooneinparticular.“Hetriedto

killRonni,too.Wantedthemalldeadatonce.”

Attwenty-nine,Ihaveseenalotofshitinmylife.Asabiker,Ihaveseenmorethan

myfairshareofbadshit.Evenso,Ihaveneverseenanyonetakingouttheirwholefamily
inoneday.Thatisbeyondfuckedup.

“Yeah,that’swhatshethinks.Thebastardwantedeveryoneoutoftheway,soallthe

moneywouldbehis.”Titolooksatme,hisbrowneyesturningnearlyblack.“AssoonasI
getoutofjail,thatfucker’sgonnapayforit.I’mgonnahavehisbloodonmyhands
beforeIburyhimsixfeetunder.”

“Howmuchmoneyarewetalkingabout?”Brassasks,placinghishandsonthetop

ofthetable.“Notthatitmatters,butweneedtoknowwhatwearedealingwithsowecan

figureouthowtostophim.”

“Morethansixmillion,anditallgoestothatstupidfuckerifsomethinghappensto

her,”Titoresponds,causingafewbrotherstoletoutalowwhistle.“I’mfiguringhe’slet
theloansharksknowwherehe’sgoingtobegettingthemoneytopaythemback,sowe
maynotbedealingwithjustthestepbrother.Thebigboysmaybeinthegamenow,
wantingtoensuretheygettheirmoney,evenifitmeanskillinganinnocentgirl.”

“Withmoneylikethatontheline,peopledocrazyshit,”Walkerstates,foldinghis

armsoverhischest.

Fuck,he’sright.Withthatkindofmoneyontheline,peoplewillbecomingoutof

thewoodworktotakeRonnidown.Hell,ifyouknowtherightpeople,youcanhave
someonetakenoutforlessthanagrand.Whenyou’retalkingaboutmillions,anyoneand
everyonewillbedoingtheirparttogetapieceofthepie.

“Brother,Ihatetobreakittoyou,butVeronicaisfarfromalittlegirlnow.From

whatIsaw,she’sallwoman,”Tazsayswithasmile,breakingthetension.“IfIdidn’t
thinkyou’dcutoffmyballs,I’dmakehermywomanandenjoyeveryminuteofit.”

“Ifyouwanttokeepyourballs,youbetterstayawayfrommygirl,”Titogrowls,

throwingasneeratourbrother.

IlookatTaz,surprisedasfuckathiswords.AsfarasIknow,noneofthebrothers

haveseenRonnisinceshewasalittlegirl.Thinkingbacktothesnot-nosedlittlekidthatI
knew,Ican’timagineherasanythingbutachild.

“I’mjusttellingyoulikeitis,”Tazreplies,stillsmiling.

Tito’slipstipupjustbeforehestartstoshakehishead.“IknewIshouldn’thavelet

youcometoChicagowithme.”

Ah,thatexplainsit.Aboutayearago,TazandTitowenttoChicagototalktothe

Siciliansaboutanupcominggunshipment.NeitheroneevermentionedseeingRonni,but
theyreallyhadnoreasonto.Theclubcomesfirst,andrightthen,wewerefocusedonhow
togetthegunstogetherandnothingelse.

“I’veheardofpeoplegettingintodebtfromgambling,butwe’retalkingsomemajor

moneyhere.Areyousuregamblingisallthisisabout?”Brassasks,bringingupavalid
question.

Titoshakeshishead,leaningbackinhisseat.“Idon’tknow.That’sallmygirltold

me,butI’mthinkinghemaybefightingafewmorevices.WhenIsawhimbackin
December,therewasnodoubtinmymindhewasflyinghigh.Iwasn’taroundhimlong
enoughtoknowwhathewason,butI’dguesshe’sfillinghisnosewithblowevery
chancehegets.”

Fuck,thatjustaddsanotherlayertothisshit.Dependingonwhoheisbuyinghis

powderfrom,hecouldbedealingwithmenwhowouldrathercutyourthroatthanshake
yourhand.Youneverknowwhenitcomestodrugdealers.Ishouldknow.Ourclubmay
notbepushingdopeonthecorner,butwesupplyhalfthedrugsthatcomeintoIndy.If
someoneowedusmillionsofdollars,there’snotellinghowfarwewouldgotogetitback.

“Ifthisguyisgambling,I’mbettinghespendsmostofhistimeinVegas.I’vegot

friendsinoneoftheclubsoutthere.Ifsomeoneowedthemthatkindofmoney,andthat
personhadaconnectiontothisclub,they’dletmeknow,”Walkerstateswithashakeof
hishead.“Idon’tthinkweneedtoworryaboutwhathe’spayingfornosecandy.Weneed
tobefocusedontheassholesthatloanhimmoneytoplaygamestheyknowhe’snever
gonnawin.”

“Ifwecanjustmakeitthroughthenextfewmonths,thisshitshouldblowover.

Veronicadoesn’thavecontrolofthemoneyuntilsheturnstwenty-five,whichisinthree
months,”Titoexplains,hisvoiceseriousagain.“Afterthat,sheplansongivingevery
pennytosomecharity.Whenthathappens,noonewillgainshitfromkillingher.”

“You’vegottabeshittingme.She’sreallygivingawayoversixmilliondollars?”

Brassasks,soundingnearlyassurprisedasIfeel.

“Mygirldoesn’twantshitfromhermomorstepdad,especiallynottheirmoney,”

Titoresponds,prideshininginhiseyes.“Shesaystheydidn’twantanythingtodowith
herwhentheywerealive,andshedoesn’twantanythingtodowiththemnowthatthey’re
dead.”

Iletoutawhistle,myrespectforthekidgrowingbythesecond.“Ithinkthatgirlgot

morefromyouthanshedidfromhermom.”

Hejustnodsashegoesontalkingtothebrothers.Heanswersafewmorequestions,

lettingeveryonehavetheirchancetovoicetheiropinion,beforecallingforavote.Does
RiotMCgotobatforourPresident’sdaughterornot?Theanswerisano-brainerasfaras
I’mconcerned.Ronniisblood,sowe’vegotherback.

Afterthevote,aunanimousagreementtobackourPresident,Titolookstome.“I

knowyou’vegotalotofshitgoingdownwithCline’smom,butIneedyoutodomea
favor.”

“HowcanIhelp?”Iask,willingtodowhateverheneeds.

Titotakesanotherdrinkfromthebottlebeforeanswering.“Ineedyoutogotothe

airportonSaturdaytopickupVeronica.She’llneedtostayatyourhouseuntilIgetoutof
jail.Iwantherprotected,andIknowyou’llprotecther.”

Fuck,anythingbutthat.Ilikedherasakid,butshewasjustalittlegirlthen.Idoubt

I’mgonnacaremuchforthewomanshe’sbecome.Hell,withthewayshegrewup,she’s
probablysomestuck-upbitchthatwilllookdownhernoseatme.Icouldbrushitoff,
ignoreherass,butIdon’twantClinearoundthat.Shealreadyhasacrazyasfuckbitch
aroundhertwoweeksoutofthemonth;shedoesn’tneedasnottybitchtheothertwo.

WhenIdon’tanswerquicklyenough,hestartstalkingagain.“Ifyou’renotwilling

totakeherin,I’mnotgoingtojail.I’llhittheroadandhideoutwithheruntilthisshit
blowsover.”

Fuck,Ican’tletthathappen.Ifheruns,he’llgodownhard.Whentheydogettheir

handsonhim,he’llbebackinfrontofJudgePorteragain.Thatmannotonlyhasastick
uphisass,healsohasahard-onforRiotMC.Ifhehadhisway,wewouldallberotting
awayinjail.WithTitobeingthePresident,thebastardwouldprobablyshoothisloadifhe

gotthechancetogiveTitosomerealtime.

Iraisemyhandinhisdirectionandshakemyhead.“Noreasonforyoutodothat

shit.Serveyourtimeandgetitoverwith.Ifyouhittheroad,thatmonthcouldturninto
years.”

“Irealizethat,”hesayswithashrug.“But,thisismylittlegirlwe’retalkingabout.

I’lldotheextratimeifIhaveto.”

Itakeadeepbreath,tryingtoseethingshisway.Iunderstandwhyhe’saskingme.

Myplaceissafe,saferthananyoftheotherbrothers’houses.NotonlyamIthere,but
BrasshasanAirstreamparkedinmybackyard.She’llhavetwoeyesonheratalltimes.
Theonlyplacesaferwouldbetheclubhouse,butIdoubthe’dbewillingtoletherstay
here.

“Shecanstaywithme,”Iagree,butIthenattempttomakehimseereason.“But,

don’tyouthinkshe’dbesaferattheclubhouse.”

Heshakeshisheadbeforeresponding.“Idon’twantherstayinghere.She’snotused

totheclub,andIdon’tfeelrightjustdroppingherhereonherown.Sheknowsyou,even
ifithasbeenalongtimesinceshe’sbeenaroundyou.Plus,she’llbesafetherewithyou
andBrasswatchingoverherdayandnight.”

“ThePresisright,”Brassadds,bringingthepointhome.“Nofuckingwaywould

youdropClineoffattheclub,notifshewasn’tusedtobeinghere.You’dwantabrother
youtrustwatchingoverher.”

Tazleansforward,placinghisforearmsonthetabletop.“Who’sgonnabewithher

whilewegotoTennessee?”

Walkerpipesin,drawingmyattentiontohim.“Shecouldstayattheclubhousefor

thosefewdays.Meandthebrotherswillwatchoverher.”

“She’llgowiththeboystoTennessee.SheandBoz’soldladyarefriends,”Tito

states,causingmetoblinkinsurprise.

HowthefuckRonniknowsBoz’swomanisbeyondme.Hell,Ihaven’tevenmetthe

womanyet,andI’veknownBozforyears.IalwaysthoughtTitokeptRonniawayfrom
thislife,butIguessIwaswrong.Seemslikehejustkeptherawayfromthisclub.Itlooks
likeIdon’tknowshitwherethatgirlisconcerned.

“Ifanythinghappenstoher,headswillroll,”Titosayswithfinality,scanningthe

room.“ShemaybestayingwithVan,buteverysinglebrotherwillhaveherback.Ifsheso
muchasgetsafuckingbruise,I’lllayyoumotherfuckersout.”

Withthat,hepoundsthegavelandstandsup.“Meeting’sover.”

ChapterSix

Van

Theclubhouseispackedtight.Damnneareverybrotherisheretohaveonelastdrinkwith
Titobeforehegoesinside.Thewaythey’reallacting,you’dthinkthePreswasfacingten
yearsbehindbarsinsteadofthirtydays.He’sactingthesameway,though.Themanhas
alreadytakenthreebitchesbacktohisroomandletanothersuckhimoffatthebar.Guess
he’sgettinghisfillbeforehehasnothingmorethanhishandascompany.

Ifmymomwasadifferentkindofwoman,I’dprobablybepissedathisnever-

endingstreamofpussy.Withthewaysheis,thewaytheirrelationshipis,Ican’thold
anythingagainsthim.Shedoesherownthing,andhedoeshis.Idoubtthey’veshareda
bedsinceIwasjustakid.Again,Ican’tblamehim.

DecidingIhaveaneedofmyown,Ifocusmyattentiononthewomansittinginmy

lap.Runningmyhandupthelegoftheclubwhore,Islideitunderherskirtandglidemy
fingeroverheralreadydrippingpussy.Slippingonefingerinsideofher,Ihookitinaway
thatcauseshertoletoutagasp.Ilatchontoherthighwithmyotherhandandgiveita
squeeze.Thebitchhasbeengrindingonmealldamnnight,andI’mreadytodomorethan
justplay.

“It’stimetogotomyroom,”Imumble,pullingmyhandsawayandpushingheroff

mylap.

Standingup,shetossesherhairoverhershoulderandshootsmeawink.“Ididn’t

thinkyou’deverask.”

“Don’trememberasking,”Isay,smilingherway.“Thatwasanorder.”

BeforeIcangetoutofmyseat,InoticeTitoheadingmyway.Thewayhiseyeslatch

ontomine,Iknowhewantstotalk.Ipatthechick’sass,pointingforhertoheadtomy
room,thenleanbackinmychair,waitingtohearwhatthePreshastosay.

Insteadoftakingoneoftheemptyseatsatmytable,hemotionsformetofollow

him.Hewalksoutoftheroomandheadsdownthehall.Igetupandfollow,feelingthe
effectofallthealcoholI’veconsumedinthelastfewhours.Iwouldn’tsayIwasdrunk,
butI’mheadingthatwayandenjoyingeveryminuteofit.

Whenwegettohisoffice,heopensthedoorandheadsstraighttohisdesk.Walking

in,Ishutthedoorbehindmebeforesteppingoverandleaningagainstthecornerofhis
desk.Sittingdown,hepullsoutabottleofJoséandtwoshotglasses,fillingbothtothe

rim.Handingonetome,hetosseshisbackthenrefillsit.Iquicklyemptymine,lovingthe
wayitburnsgoingdown.

“I’mtrustingyoutotakecareofVeronica.Iwouldn’ttrustanyonebutyou,sodon’t

fuckthisup,”hestates,beforedowninghissecondglass.

Iseeaflashoffearinhiseyes,thefirstI’veeverseen,andsuddenlyfeellikeshitfor

tryingtogethimtohaveherstayattheclubhouse.Thisisthemanwhosteppedinand
tookcareofmewhenmyownfathercouldn’tdoitanymore.Iowehimthisandsomuch
more.

Throwingbackmyshot,Ipullinadeepbreathandreply,“Iwon’tfuckup.”

“Iknowyouwon’t,Van.”Heleansbackinhischairandlooksatmebeforeletting

outafrustratedbreath.“It’smyjobtotakecareofher,andIjustfuckinghatethatIcan’t
beheretodoitmyself.”

Realizingthemanneedstorelax,Ireachintotheinsidepocketofmycutandpull

outanalreadyrolledjoint.Draggingalighteroutofmyjeanspocket,Ibringthejointto
mylips.Ilightupandbreatheinadeepdrag,feelingthesmokemakingitswayintomy
lungs.Onemorepull,thenIpassitacrossthedesktoTito.Hetakesafewdragsbefore
handingitbacktome.

“Youshouldjustletmetakeoutthefuckingstepbrother,”Istate,somethingIhave

alreadysaidadozentimestonight.“Then,theproblemwouldberesolved.”

“Ifhe’scalledahitonher,takinghimoutwon’tsolveanything.”Heshakeshis

head,motioningformetopassthejointback.

Takingonemoredrag,Ipassithisway.“It’dbefun,though.”

“You’reprobablyrightaboutthat.”Titocracksasmileandshakeshishead.“I’m

gonnahaveWalkerpickhimup,bringhimin.”

“What?”Iask,feelingpissedasfuck.“WhythefuckareyousendingWalker?”

Iofferedtogoafterthebastard,andTitosaidno.OtherthanmytriptoTennessee,

theassholeorderedmetokeepmyassinCottonPlainsuntilhegetsoutofjail.Hesaid
he’dbetheonetotakecareofRonni’sstepbrother,andthatwon’thappenuntilhe’safree
man.

“Iknowyouwantedtogo,butIwantyouherewithVeronica.Sheneedstobeyour

firstpriority,”hestates,hisvoicehard.“Nottomention,Walkerhasconnectionswitha
crewoutinVegas.Sincethatassholeisthere,figurewecouldputthoseconnectionsto
use.Walkerwillbeabletogetinandoutwithoutanytrouble.”

“Whatdoyouwantdonewithhimwhenhegetshere?”Iask,knowingheisrightbut

notwillingtoadmitit.

“Ifigure,afterhegoesaroundwithyouandBrassinthehole,we’llknowifhepaid

someonetotakeoutmylittlegirl.”Helaystheremnantsofthejointintheashtray.“Once
wehavethoseanswers,I’lldecidewhattodonext.”

TheclubhousesitsonpropertythatTito’sgrandfatherboughtintheseventies.There

isalittlemorethaneightyacres,mostofitstillunclearedandcoveredwithtrees.Whenhe

boughtit,therewasahousesittingontheland.Hetoreitdown,planningonbuildinga
newone,buthediedayearafterbuyingit,leavingittoTito’sdad.Insteadofahome,a
clubhousewasbuilt.

Afewyearslater,anoldcellarwasfoundaboutahalfanacrebehindtheclubhouse.

ItsatemptyuntilTitotookover.Herealizeditcouldbeusefultotheclub.Hehadthe
boyscleanitup,extendit,andreinforcethewalls.Now,it’sknownasthehole.Morethan
afewmenhavelosttheirlivesthere;nodoubt,Ronni’sstepbrotherwill,too.

“Weneedtotalkaboutyourmom,”hestates,changingthesubject.

Hegoesquietafterthat,justleavingithangingoutthere.Iwaitforhimtosaymore,

buthedoesn’t.Instead,hejuststaresatmeasifheneedsmetogivehimpermissiontosay
whathewantstosay.Nodoubt,it’snotgonnabegood.

“Whatabouther?”Iask,wonderingwhatthefuckisgoingonnow.

“ItoldhertostayawayfromtheclubuntilIgetoutofjail.Ineedyoutomakesure

shefollowsthatorder.”Helooksmestraightintheeye.“Iknowshe’syourmother,butI
wantyoutokeepherawayfromyourhouse,too.”

Ishakemyhead,leaningbackinmyseat.“Thatbitchnevercomestomyhouse

anyway.Idon’tseeherdroppingbyanytimesoon.”

“Iwantyoutomakesureitstaysthatwayanddosobymakingsuresheknowsshe’s

notwelcome,”heorders,leavingnoroomfordiscussion.

Inod,reachingforthebottleofJosé,andpourbothofusanothershot.“Youcan

consideritdone,brother.”

Heswallowsbackhisshotthensays,“Shedoesn’tknowityet,butI’mcuttingher

looseassoonasIgethome.Infact,I’meighty-sixingherforlife.Iwon’tdoanything
untilI’mout,justtomakesureshedoesn’tcauseanyproblems,butonceI’mback,she
won’tbeallowedonanyoftheclubpropertieseveragain.”

Mygutclenchesathiswords,wonderinghowthisisgoingtoaffectourrelationship.

Iknowthemanwellenoughtoknowhewouldneverlethisrelationshipwithmymom
affectmystandingattheclub,soI’mnotworriedaboutthat.WhatI’mthinkingaboutis
theconnectionwehaveoutsideoftheclub.Ilovemydad,stillseehimeverychanceIget.
Still,TitoistheonlyfatherI’vehadformostofmylife.

“Yourdadwasmybestfriend.Wemaynotgettositdownandshoottheshit

anymore,maynevergettoshareanotherbottleofJackorchaseanymorebitches,but
Crewisstillmybestfriendtothisday,”hesays,withanod.“Whenhewentinside,he
askedmetowatchoveryou.HetoldmetodowhateverIhadtodotomakesureyouwere
safe.Itriedeverything,everyfuckingthing,togetyourmomtohandyouovertome.I
eventriedpayingthebitchoff,butsherefused.TheonlywayIcouldhaveyouisifItook
her,too.”

Iknewmostofthatalready.ListeningtohimandMomfight,whileIwasgrowing

up,gavememostofthatinformation.WhatIdidn’tknowwasthathetriedtopayheroff.
I’mnotreallysurprisedbyit,butIamsurprisedshedidn’ttakethemoneyandrun.I
swallowdownthequestionsfillingmymind,wantingtoheartherest.

“IputupwithherassforallthoseyearssoIcouldwatchoveryou.Idon’tregretit.

I’mproudtosaythatIhadahandinmakingyouwhoyouaretoday.”Heliftshischinto
me.“Ishouldhavekickedherasstothecurbthedayyouturnedeighteen,butitwastoo
muchfuckingtrouble.Bythattime,youandIwerebothlivingattheclubhouse.Aslong
asshegotmoneyeveryweek,shestayedthehellawayfromme.IdidwhatIwantedtodo
andpretendedthatshedidn’tevenexist.But,thingsaregoingtobedifferentwhenIget
outofjail.”

Suddenly,thereasonforthisconversationisclear.Ronni’sgonnabearoundfora

while,andhe’snotgonnahavemymomtreatinghisdaughterlikeshit.Theonlywayto
ensurethathappensistogetridofthebitchcompletely.

“Youdon’thavetoexplainyourselftome,Tito.You’rethePresident—youdowhat

you’vegottado,”Isay,notfeelinganounceofremorseformymother.

“I’mnotexplainingmyselftomyVP.I’mtryingtoexplainmyselftothemanIthink

ofasason,”heexplains,hiseyescuttingintomelikelaserbeams.

Aknotfillsmythroat,butIforceoutthewordsheneedstohear.“Themanthat

thinksofyouasafatherdoesn’tneedanexplanationeither.Iknowhowmymomis,and
I’llbegladtoseeyoufreeofher.”

ChapterSeven

Van

Lookingatmyphone,yetagain,Iamfindingithardtokeepmyshittogether.We’vebeen
waitingbytheluggageclaimareaforoveranhour,andRonnistillisn’there.Iknowit
isn’therfaulttheflightwasdelayed,butIneedtohittheroad.Clinewillbeatthehouse
inafewhours,andIwanttogetRonnisettledinandsetdownsomegroundrules.Sheand
Ineedtohavealongtalkbeforemydaughterentersthepicture.

But,thefirstwe’regonnatalkaboutisherdamndog.Iwaswokenupthismorning

byaprospectdeliveringthebeast.Nobodysaidshitaboutherbringingafuckingdog
whenIagreedtoletherstaywithme.Theysureinthehelldidn’tsayanythingaboutaSt.
Bernardthatmustweighovertwo-hundredpoundsandslobberslikeamotherfucker.Not
tomention,thatbastardseemstothinkhe’sthesizeofachihuahuaandtriestoclimbin
mylapeverytimeIsitdown.

Anhourlater,anotherdeliverywasmade.Thisoneincludedthreeboxesmarked

kitchen.Wonderingwhatinthefuckshehadsent,Iopenedthemup.Theywerefilledwith
pots,pans,andeverydamngadgetevermadeforcookinginthoseboxes.Anothertwo
boxesshowedupafewminuteslater.Theywerestuffedfullofshitforherdamnmutt.
ThedamndoghasmorefuckingshitthanIdo.

“Istillcan’tbelieveshesentherfuckingdogtomyhouse,expectingmetoletit

stay,”Isay,runningahandthroughmyhairinfrustration.“Shedidn’tevenbothertoask
ifshecouldbringthedamnmooseintomyhome.”

“Idon’tknowwhyyou’resurprised.Titosaysshelovesthething,saysshewon’tgo

anywherewithoutit,”Brassreplieswithashrug.

HiswordsremindmethatTitotoldusallaboutbuyingRonnithedogrightafterher

momdied.Eversincethen,hehasn’tstoppedcomplainingaboutthefuckertakingupall
ofherattention.HesaysRonnilikesherdogbetterthanshelikeshimnow.Heevensaid
sheandherroommatesmovedoutoftheirapartment,rentingahouseinstead,justtogive
thedogmoreroomtoplay.

“Fuck,howthehelldidIforgetaboutthat?”Iask,moretomyselfthantoBrass.“I

can’thaveadoglikethataroundCline.Thefuckercouldbiteherheadoffandthinkofit
asnothingmorethananafternoonsnack.”

Brasslaughsbeforesaying,“Arewetalkingaboutthesamedog?Theonethattried

tolickmetodeathjustacoupleofhoursago?”

IshoothimaglareandlookforRonniagain.Idon’tcareifthefuckingdogisas

tameasakitten,Idon’twanthimatmyhouse.He’stoodamnbigtobearoundalittlegirl
Cline’ssize,andI’mnottakingthechancehewillhurther.He’lljusthavetostayatthe
clubhouseuntilTitogetshome.IfRonnidoesn’tlikeit,shecangowithhisass.Iwould
dodamnnearanythingforthePres,butIwon’tputClineindangerforanyone.

“ItmighthelpifyoutellmewhatRonnilookslike.Rightnow,I’mjuststaringoutat

aseaoffaces,nothavingafuckingcluewhoI’mlookingfor,”Brasssays,scanningthe
crowdofpeoplefillingtheairport.

“HernameisVeronica,andIhaven’tseenhersinceshewassevenyearsold,”I

grumble,notlikinghimusingmynicknameforher.

Hecocksabrowatmyremark.“Youdon’thaveanycluewhatshelookslikeeither.”

Shelookedlikeanyotherkidbackthen.Withlong,curlyblondehairthatstuckup

alloverherfuckinghead,shewasasskinnyasarailandmissinghertwofrontteeth.
That’saboutallIremember,soIhopeithelps,”Itellhim,lettingoutafrustratedbreath.

“AccordingtoTaz,thebitchishotashell,”Brasssayswithasmile.“Saysshe’sgot

anassthatmakesyourmouthwater.Ifhe’sright,Ijustmighthavetogetataste.”

Ilookoverathim,shakingmyhead.“Youeventhinkaboutit,andTitowillkillyou.

Nopussyisworththat.”

Brasssmiles,crossinghisarmsoverhischest.“WhatTitodon’tknowwon’thurt

him,andbelieveme,Idon’tplanontellinghim.”

“Shewasraisedwithmoney,thekindofmoneyyouandIwillneverknow.Titotold

meshewenttosomefancy-assboardingschool,spentasmuchtimelearningmannersand
shitasshediddoingactualschoolwork.Herstepdadwasafuckingbillionairethat
probablyspoiledherassrotten.Hermomwasastuck-upbitch,soIdoubtshe’sgonnabe
muchbetter,”Isay,tellinghimwhattoexpect.

“Yougotapointwithallthisshit?”heasks,cockinghisbrow.

Brassdoesn’tgetit.He’sneverbeenaroundbitcheslikeRonnibefore,thekindthat

havemoremoneythanheart.Reginaislikethat.Herfamilydoesn’thavethekindof
moneythatRonni’sdid,nowherenearit.Theyhadenough,though—enoughtoturn
Reginaintoaspoiledrottenlittlebitchthatisusedtogettingeverythingshewants.When
shecouldn’tgeteverythingshewantedfromme,shelostherfuckingmind.

Ifellforhersweetact,wantingsomethingdifferentthantheclubwhoresIgrewup

around.Itdidn’ttakelongformetoseethelight,learnwhatshewasreallyabout.Bythat
time,shewasalreadypregnantwithCline.Iwouldn’tchangehavingmydaughterforthe
world,butIwishlikehellshehadadifferentmother.

“Idoubtyou’llwantheranywherenearyouoncesheopenshermouth,”Ireply,

slidingmyphoneintomybackpocket.

Heshrugs,lookingbacktothepeople.“Well,everytimesheopenshermouth,Ican

putmydickinit.Problemsolved.”

Ichuckle,shakingmyheadathim.“Whatthefuckever.”

Brasscontinuestalking,butIquitpayingattentionwhenahotpieceofassbends

overtopullhersuitcaseofftheluggagecarousel.Staringdownatherampleass,Ifeelmy
cockgrowinghard.Shehasblackhair,pulledtothesideinalowponytail,showingoffa
daisytattooonthebackofherneck.Herarmsarecoveredincolorfultattoosthat,even
fromthisdistance,looklikeamagnificentpieceofart.Allthatpalesincomparisonwhen
sheturnsaround,andIgetmyfirstlookatherface.She’sfuckingbeautiful.

She’sgottheperfectheart-shapedface,withadeepdimpleonherleftcheek.She’s

gotoneofthosenosesthatturnupontheend,givingheralookofsophisticationthat
somehowseemstofither.Herlipsareamazing,lushandtintedadeepshadeofred.What
Iwouldn’tgivetohavethoselipswrappedaroundmycock.

Whenshestartswalkingmyway,asmilespreadsacrossmyface.Ilookherupand

down,seeingluscioustitsencasedinacrispblackshirtthatisbuttonedupjustenoughto
keephernipplescovered.Thedamnthingissofuckingtight,itlookslikeitmayexplode
atanymoment.Myeyeskeeptravelingdown,takinginherlonglegsthatareshovedina
pairofwhitejeans.Thebitchisn’tmorethefewinchesshorterthanme.She’swearing
bootsthatcometoherknees,thathavetohaveatleastfour-inchheelsonthem.Theimage
ofholdingontothoseheelswhileIfuckherflashesthroughmymind,andmycockstarts
tothrob.

Whenshecomestoastopinfrontofme,awidesmileonherface,Idamnnearreach

outandgrabher.Herdeepbrowneyesboreintome,makingmefeellikeshecanseemy
soul,butthereisjustsomethingaboutthemthatdrawsmyattentionandkeepsit.Then,
thereasonIamherepopsbackintomyhead.Motherfucker!Icantellshe’dbewillingto
doanythingIwanted,butthat’snotgoingtohappen.AsmuchasIwantto,Ican’tdothis
rightnow.I’vegottagetRonniandwatchherback.

BeforeIcansayanything,shelaysherhandonmychestandleansclose.“Hey,Van.

It’sbeenalongtime.”

Istaredownather,surprisefillingme.I’veforgottenmorewomenthanIcancount,

butIcan’timagineforgettingsomeonelikeher.Itrytoopenmymouth,butI’munableto
sayaword.Itakeinherfeatures,lookingcloserthanbefore.Whenmyeyeslandonthe
smallscarrunningthroughherlefteyebrow,Ijumpback,knowingimmediatelywhoshe
is.HowthefuckdidlittleRonniturnintothehottestbitchI’veeverlaideyeson?Stillnot
takingmygazefromhers,Ipullinadeepbreath.

Lookingconfused,shemovesbackastep.“Thanksforcomingtopickmeup.Sorry

tokeepyouwaiting.Ididn’tthinktheplanewasevergoingtogethere.Therewasone
damndelayafteranother.”

WhenIstilldon’tsayanything,Brassstepsforwardandgrabshersuitcase.“Ignore

him.Heseemstohavelostafewbraincellsinthelastfewminutes.He’snotinteresting
anyway.You’llhaveahellofalotmorefunwithme.”

Shesmilesathimthenmoveshereyesupanddownhisbody.“Yep,Ifigureyou

coulddoagoodjobofkeepingmeoccupieduntilmyDadgetsoutofjail.Ihappentoget
reallylonelyatnight.Neverdidlikesleepingallbymyself.”

Ittakesasecondforherwordstoregister.Assoonastheydo,myangerspikes.No

fuckingwayisBrassgettinganywherenearher.Ifshe’sgonnabeinanyone’sbed,it’llbe
mine.Icutoffthethoughtassoonasitpassesthroughmymind.Titoexpectsmetowatch
overher,notfuckher.Ican’ttouchher.IfIdid,Titowouldcutoffmyballs.Hell,he
should.

“Fuckno,”Igrumble,grabbingherarmandpullinghertome.“Thatshit’snotgonna

happen,sostaythehellawayfromhim.”

“Don’tgetyourpantiesinawad,Van.Iwasjustteasing.Dadalreadylaiddownthe

law:nobikersforme.Atleast,nonethatweartheRiotMCcut.”Shepatsmychest,
lettingoutalaugh.“HedidmentionsomethingaboutusgoingtotheGrimBustards’
clubhouse,andheneversaidanythingaboutthoseboys.Thelasttimewewerethere,I
metthisguywhocoulddoamazingthingswithhis…”

Icutheroff,gettinginherface.“Notgonnahappen.”

Sheshutshermouthbutdoesn’tlosehersmile.Iignoreit,tryingtofigureouthow

thehellI’mgonnalivewithherforthenextmonthwithouttakinghertomybed.
Motioningforhertogoahead,IgrabthesuitcasefromBrassandfollowbehindher.

Weonlymakeitafewstepsbeforesheturnsaroundandasks,“DidDenverget

settledinallright?IwassurprisedwhenDadsaiditwasokaytobringhim.Withhim
beingsobig,Ithoughtforsureyou’dwantmetoleavehimwithmyroommates.Ihaveto
say,I’mgladyoulethimcome.Idon’tlikebeingawayfromhimforverylong.NotsureI
couldhavemadeittheentiremonthDad’sgoingtobeinlock-up.”

“Oh,yeah.Hemadeitallright,”IgrowloutasthesoundofBrass’schucklereaches

myears.“HewassleepingonmybrandnewleathercouchwhenIleft.Heseemedtobe
doinggood,butI’mnotsureifmycouchwilleverbethesame.”

“Good,Ididn’tliketheideaofhimbeingwithstrangers,”shesays,turningaround

andstartingtowalkagain.“Iwasworriedaboutsendinghimthroughanimaldelivery
service,buttheplanedoesn’tletanimalsovertwo-hundredpoundsride,evenifthey’rein
theirkennel.”

IignoreBrass’scontinuedlaughterasIfollowherthroughthecrowd.Myeyeskeep

goingtoherass,watchingthewayitswaysfromsidetoside.Mydickthumpsagainstmy
zipperinanticipationwitheverystepshetakes.Bythetimewegetoutoftheairport,I
cometothedecisionthat,ifIgettofuckher,itmaybeworthlosingmyballs.

ChapterEight

Veronica

Lookingoutthewindow,ItakeinthetinytownofCottonPlains.Iswear,ifIblinkmy
eyes,I’llmissit.It’saone-stoplightkindoftown,theIndianaversionofPleasantville.It
hasagasstation,aPigglyWiggly,andadiverestaurantthatservesbreakfastandlunch
only.That’sit.ButwithIndyjustfortyminutesaway,that’sallthatisneeded.

“Nothing’schanged,”Isay,moretomyselfthantheotheroccupantsofthecar.

Brasslooksoverhisshouldertoseemesittinginthebackseat.“When’sthelasttime

youwerehere?”

“Iwaslikesevenoreight.”Ishrug,notquitesure.

ItrynottothinkbackonthelasttimeIvisitedDadatCottonPlains.Thatmemoryis

notagoodone.Kendramademylifealivinghell.Shealwayshad,butthatsummer,she
wasespeciallybrutal.WhenitwastimeformetogobacktoMomandTimothy’s,I
wantednothingmorethannevertoseeKendraagain.Thankfully,Ihaven’t.

“Youokaybackthere,sweetthing?You’vebeenprettyquiet,”Brasssays,still

lookingoverhisshoulder.

AsmilespreadsacrossmyfaceasIlookhiswayandrespond.“Idon’tknow.Maybe

youshouldcrawlbackhereandcheckforyourself.”

VangrumblesunderhisbreathasBrasschuckles.Heshootsmeawinkandturns

around.Thelookinhiseyesletsmeknowhehasfiguredoutmygame.I’mflirtingwith
himasawaytodeflectVan’sattention,hopinghewon’tseewhatisprobablywrittenall
overmyface.NowaydoIwantVantorealizewhatIfeltthemomentIlaideyesonhim.

Ican’tstopmyselffromlookingatVan,takinginallthebeautythatishim.Hewasa

cuteboywhenhewasateenager.Irememberhavingalittlegirlcrushonhim,evenbefore
Iknewwhatacrushwas,butthatcrushturnedintofull-blownattractionwhenIsawhim
again.

He’snotwhatIwouldcalltallbutdefinitelynotshort.Iwouldguesshe’sclosingin

onsixfeet.He’smuscularbutnotoverlyso,justbuiltinawaythatletsmeknowhecan
takecareofhimself.Hisarmsarecoveredinink.Unlikethecolorfulartonmybody,all
histattoosarevaryingshadesofblackandgray.They’reintricateandbeautiful,making
melongtorunmytongueovereveryline.

Hisdeepauburnhairisstreakedwithmultipleshadesofgold,remindingmeofthe

colorsoffall.It’sthickandhangsnearlytohisshoulders,withvisiblewaveshereand
there.Myfingersitchtoreachoutandtouchit,torunthroughthesilkystrands.Not
trustingmyself,Ipushthembetweenmythighsandtheseat,trappingthemunderme.

“Weneedtohaveatalk.Iplannedondoingitwhenwegothome,butIdon’tthink

we’regonnahavetime,”Vansays,drawingmeoutofmydaydreamoftouchinghim.

“Okay,”Imumble,wonderingwhatisgoingtocomeoutofhismouth.

“Mydaughter,Cline,isgoingtobeatthehouseinalittlebit.Whenshegetsthere,I

expectyoutotreatherright.Iknowmymomputyouthroughhell,butdon’ttakethatout
onmykid.Ifyoudo,promisetoyourdadornot,I’llputyourassout.”

Furyricochetsthroughmybodyashiswordsworktheirwaythroughmybrain.I’m

pissedasfuckthathewouldevensaysuchathingtome.Ontheotherhand,Iunderstand
hisneedtoprotecthischild.Aswonderfulasmydadis,aswonderfulashehasalways
been,IstillwishhewouldhavehadthesametypeofdiscussionwithKendra.

“I’mnotafuckingthinglikeyourmother.ThatwomanispartofmypastthatItry

mybesttoforget,”Iexplain,unabletokeeptheangeroutofmyvoice.“EvenifIwasstill
holdingagrudge,Iwouldn’ttakeitoutonalittlegirl.”

“Fairenough,”hemumbles,lookingatmeintherear-viewmirror.“Anotherthing,

youneedtowatchthatfuckingtankyoucalladog.Evenifheisn’tmean,beinghissize,
hecouldeasilyhurther.”

Myknee-jerkreactionistodefendmydog,sayDenverwouldneverhurtanyone,but

Ican’tdothat.Denverismassive,andhesometimeshastroublecontrollinghisbulk.It’s
evenworsewhenhegetsexcited.Hewouldnevermeantohurtthelittlegirl,butifhe
jumpedonher,hewouldhurther.

“I’llkeepacloseeyeonhimwhenshe’saround.IfIeventhinkheisgoingtohurt

her,I’llkeephiminhiskennelormyroomuntilIleave,”Ipromise,eventhoughIhate
thethoughtofDenvernothavingroomtoplay.

“Ifhecausestoomuchtrouble,youandthedogcanbunkatmyplace,”Brasssays,

lookingbackatmewithahugesmileonhisface.

IsmilebackatBrass,knowingheisenjoyingourgame.“Wemightjustdothat.”

“Youcantakethedog,butRonniisn’tgoinganyfuckingwhere,”Vanpipesin,his

voicehardandcold.

MyandBrass’sflirtingseemstobegettingtohim,andIhavetoadmitthatIloveit.

Idon’tknowifVan’sattitudeisbecauseofthefactthatmydadtoldhimtoprotectme,or
ifthere’ssomeotherreasonwhyhedoesn’twantmenearhisbestfriend.I’mhopingit’s
somethingmore,somethingthatleadstothetwoofussharingabedatleastonce.

BrassandIshareaglance,tryingtokeepourhumorhidden.Forthefirsttime,hehas

mytotalattention.BeingstruckbyVan’ssmilethemomentIsawhim,Inevereventook
thetimetoreallylookatBrass.Staringathimrightnow,Irealizethatheisabsolutely
gorgeous.Ifmyattentionwasn’ttakenbyVan,I’dprobablybetossingmypantiesathim.

“I’mgoingtohavetointroduceyoutomyfriend,Erin.Shewouldloveyou,”Isay

withanaughtysmile.“Well,shewouldloveyouuntilshegotwhatshewanted.Then,
she’dforgetyou,butyouwouldhaveahellofatimeanyway.”

“Soundslikemykindofwoman,”hesays,noddinghishead.

AminuteortwopassesbeforeVanslowsthetruckdownandturnsoffthemainroad,

ontoaroadthat,ifIremembercorrectly,leadstotheclubhouse.Amileortwolater,he
turnsagain,thistimetakingagravelroad.Assoonaswetopthehill,Iseeatwo-story
colonialstylehousewithfourwhitecolumnsliningthefront.

Thehouseisnice,butitneedsalotofwork.IthaswhatDadwouldcallgoodbones.

AsVanbringsthecartoastop,Iseethehouseappearstohavenewwindowsandanew
door.UnlessI’mwrong,thedarkshingledroofisnew,too.Itneedsafreshcoatofpaintto
takeitfromnicetobeautiful.

“Iwasn’texpectingthis,”IsayasIpushthecardooropen.“Idon’tknowwhatIwas

expectingbutnotthis.”

“It’sprobablynotwhatyou’reusedto,butit’shomesweethomeforthenext

month,”Vansayswithasneer,notbotheringtohidethecontemptfromhisvoice.“After
that,youcanheadbacktoyourmansion.”

Iblinkinsurprise,notexpectinghisscorn.It’sclearthathedoesn’tknowmethat

well.Mymomandstepdadmayhavelivedinamansion,butIdefinitelydidn’t.Atleast,
notsinceIwasachild.I’dbehappyashellifIneverhadtowalkintoanotheroneagain.

“Shit,thisisamansioncomparedtowhereIlive,”Isay,wantingtoclearupthings.

“MytwobestfriendsandIshareatwo-bedroomhousethat’snotmuchbiggerthana
crackerbox.Still,it’sdoublethesizeoftheapartmentwesharedbeforewemoved.”

Notwaitingforhimtorespond,Iclimboutofthecarandshutthedoor.Looking

around,Itakeinthehugeyard,seeingtoysscatteredeverywhere.Hisdaughterhas
everythingalittlegirlcouldeverwant,includingoneoftheminiaturemotorcyclesthat
runsoffabattery.Ican’twaittoseeherrideit.

I’vebeeneagertomeetClineforyears,eversinceDadtoldmeabouther.Hethinks

ofthelittlegirlashisgrandchild,eventhoughheconstantlyremindsmethatheistoo
damnyoungtobeagrandfather.Helovesthekid,talksaboutherconstantly,andisalways
sendingmepicturesofher.IfeellikeIknowher,eventhoughIhaveneverlaideyeson
her.

WhenBrassclimbsoutofthecar,Ilookoverathimandsmile.“Denverisgoingto

lovethisyard.He’sneverhadthismuchspacetorunbefore.”

Brassstartstoreply,butVanbeatshimtoit.“Clineusedtohaveadog,soIputina

wirelessdogfencethatblocksoffaboutanacrearoundthehouse.Hediedlastyear,butas
farasIknow,itstillworks.We’llhavetogogethimacollarbecausetheoneIhaveistoo
small.Afterhehasone,hecanrunallhewants,andyouwon’thavetoworry.”

InearlyaskwhathappenedtoherdogbutstopwhenIhearDenverbarking.Rushing

upthesteps,IlookbackatVan.Hislipstipupashewalkstome.Notsayingaword,he
unlocksthedoorandflingsitopen.Asecondlater,Denver’sbarkinggetslouder,andhe

comesrunningtowardme.Bracingmyself,Iwaitforthehugehunkoffurthatisaboutto
beinmyface.

Hejumpsonme.Hisfrontfeethitmesquareinthechest,knockingmeflatonmy

ass.IfIhadn’tmissedthebiglugsomuch,itprobablywould’vehurt.Histonguefindsmy
cheek,leavingitcoveredwithdoggyslobberashebarksouthisexcitement.Laughing,I
pethimwhilepushinghimoffmeatthesametime.

“Iknow,Denver.Mommymissedyou,too,youbiglug,”Isay,tryingtomaneuver

myselfoutfromunderhim.

Hisanswerisanotherbiglickonmycheek,followedbyafewmoreloudbarks.I

keeppettinghimasVanreachesoutandpullshimoffme.Ilookupathim,expectinghim
tobepissedafterwhathesaiditthecar.Instead,hehasasmileonhisface.Ismilebackas
Brasshelpsmetomyfeet.

“IthinkI’mgonnalikehavingyouhere,”Brasssaysashepullsmetohissideand

throwshisarmovermyshoulders.

Lookingupathim,Iask,“Areyouherealot?”

“IliveinanairstreamthatIkeepparkedinVan’sbackyard,soyou’llbeseeingme

allthetime,”heexplains,hissmileturningflirty.

“Really?”Iask,feelingexcitementrunningthroughmyveins.

Onmytwenty-firstbirthday,DadtookmetoDayton.DadandIstayedatahotel,but

someoftheotherbikerswerestayinginairstreams.Ithoughttheywerecoolashell.I
wantedtogoinsideone,justtoseewhattheylookedlike.Mydadwasn’ttookeenonthe
idea.Hewasfinewithmegettingdrunkandpartyingwithbikers,buttherewasno
fuckingwayhewaslettingmegointooneoftheircampers.

“I’vealwayswantedtoseeinsideofanairstream,”Itellhim,shootinghimaflirty

smile.“You’llhavetogivemeatour.”

Vanwalksover,grabsmyhand,andpullsmeawayfromBrass.“That’snotgonna

happen,sodon’tevenbethinkingaboutit.Ifyouwanttoseetheinsideofthattincan,I’ll
betheonegivingyouatour.”

TakinginVan’shandsomeface,I’mmomentarilyfrozenbyitsruggedbeauty.Hehas

blueeyesthataresolighttheyremindmeoftheCaribbeanSea.Iswear,Icouldgetlostin
thoseeyesifI’mnotcareful.Therestofhisfaceisjustasamazing.It’snotwhatmost
womenwouldcallhandsome;it’stooruggedforthat,fullofharshangles.

Histhicklipsaresurroundedbyaneatlytrimmedhorseshoemustache,withsnake

bitepiercingsthatmakethemstandoutevenmore.Hisnosehasbeenbrokenatimeor
two,leavingabumpbehind,givinghimanedgethatcausesatingletoshootstraightto
mynipples.Simplyput,he’sperfect.Atleast,he’smyideaofperfect.

“Thatwouldbefinewithme.”Ismileupathim,realizingIwouldratherhaveatour

ofhisbedroomthananairstream.

ChapterNine

Van

ItakealongpullfrommybeerandliftmychintoBrassashewalksaway.We’vespent
thelasthoursittingonthebackdeckshootingtheshit,butit’stimeformetogetmyass
insideandgetClinetobed.WatchingBrasswalktohiscamper,Ipushmyselfoffthe
AdirondackchairandwhistleforRonni’sbeasttofollowmeinside.

Openingtheslidingglassdoor,thesoundofchildishlaughterfillsmyears.Clineand

Ronniaresittingatthetablemunchingoncupcakesthattheymadeearlier.Clinetookto
Ronnitheminuteshelaidhereyesonher.AfterhearingmecallherRonni,mylittlegirl
automaticallydidthesame.ImaynotlikeBrasscallingherbythenicknameIgaveher,
butI’mfinewithClinedoingit.

Theyhavebeenjoinedatthehipsinceshegothere.Itwasliketherewassomesort

ofconnectionthatIjustdon’tquiteunderstand.Apartofmeisstillworried,notquitesure
howRonniwilltreather.But,sofar,she’sbeengreat.Infact,sheseemstolikemylittle
girljustasmuchasClinelikesher.

AsIslidethedoorshut,bothofthemlookatme.Ican’tstopachucklefrom

bubblingoutasItakeintheirflour-coveredshirts.Clineiscoveredinbrightpinkfrosting,
withastreakofitcoveringherleftcheek.WhatInoticethemostisthehappinessIsee
shininginhereyes.

“Didyouhavefun,sweetheart?”Iask,walkingtothetable.

Shenodsherhead,makingherponytailflopupanddown.“Uhhuh.”

Movingmyeyesfrommydaughter,Ilookaroundtheroomandshakemyhead.The

kitchenisafuckingdisaster.Flourandfrostingareeverywhere.Dirtydishesfromboth
dinnerandmakingthecupcakesarefillingthesink.

Beingaguy,Idon’tusuallymindalittlemess,butthisisfarpastalittle.Oneofmy

brother’soldladiescomesovertocleanthehouseonceaweek,tomakealittlespending
money.IfRonniisthismessyallthetime,thewomanisgoingtohavetostartcominga
helloflotmoreoften.Imighthavetohavehercomeineveryfuckingday.

“Ipromise,I’llcleanupourmess,”shesays,obviouslyreadingthelookonmyface.

“Clinesaidthatitwasherfirsttimemakingcupcakes,soIfiguredwe’dmakeitextra
fun.”

“Daddy,thiscupcakeisyours.Idecorateditallbymyself,”Clinesays,holdingupa

brightpinkcupcakecoveredinsomanysprinklesthatIknowthereisnowayI’lleverbe
abletoswallowit.

“Thanks,babygirl,”Isay,takingitfromherandgrabbingaplatefromthecabinet.

“I’mgonnasaveitforamidnightsnack.”

Remindingmyselftocomebackdownstairslaterandhideitinthebottomofthe

trashcan,Istickitintherefrigerator.IturnaroundjustintimetoseeDenverlickingthe
icingoffCline’sface.IstopmyselffromshoutingathimwhenthesoundofCline’shigh-
pitchedgigglereachesmyears.IjuststandtherestaringatthemasRonnishoosthedog
away.Ikeepwatchingwhileshewalksovertothesinkandwetsawashcloth.Asecond
later,sheisgentlywashingmylittlegirl’sface.

Ifinallymovemyeyestotheclockonthestoveandsay,“You’vegotschoolinthe

morning,Cline.It’stimetogetyoucleanedupandinbed,littlegirl.”

Shealreadyknowsnottoarguewithme,knowsitwouldn’tdoheranygood.That

doesn’tstopherfromstickingoutherbottomlipandgoingintoafull-blownpout.Ijust
cockmybrowandwaitforhertogetherlittleassmoving.Asecondlater,shestandsup
fromthechairandturnstoRonni.

“Canwemakesomethingelsetomorrow,too?Maybecookies?”sheasks,pleading

fortheanswertobeyes.

Ronnihandlesherlikeapro,runningherhandoverCline’sbrightredhair.“I

thoughtwecouldmakeblueberrypancakesbeforeyougotoschool.Igotyourdaddyto
getallthestuffwhenhewenttothestore.”

Shealreadysentmetothestoreonce,sayingsheneededatonofshittomakedinner.

Sheofferedtogowithme,butIsaidno.I’llhavetotakehertoTennessee,andmayeven
takehertotheclubhouse,butotherthanthat,sheisn’tgoinganyfuckingwhereuntilwe
knowwhatthehellherfuckingstepbrotherhasplannedforher.

Clineclapsherhandsandsquealswithjoy.“Yay!Ilovepancakes.”

NextthingIknow,ClineiswrappingherlittlearmsaroundRonni’slegsand

squeezinghertightly.I’veneverknownforhertobesoaffectionatewithsomeoneshejust
met.Hell,sheisn’tatouchy-feelykindofgirl.Otherthanme,Tito,andherUncleBrass,
shedoesn’tdohugs.Idon’teventhinkIhaveeverseenherhugherownmom.

IwaituntilshepullsbackfromRonniandsay,“Cline,gobrushyourteethandput

onyourpajamas.I’llbeupthereinjustaminute.”

IwatchClinerunoutoftheroom,Denverrunningoutbehindher,thenturntolook

atRonni.Myfeetseemtohaveamindoftheirown.BeforeIknowit,Iamstandingright
infrontofher.Idon’tgiveitasecondthoughtasmyarmswraparoundherandpullherto
me.Beforeshehasachancetoobject,mylipsareonhers.IknowIshouldn’tbekissing
her,butI’mnotreallythinkingclearlyatthemoment.AllIknowisIwantinsideher,any
waythatIcanbe.

Shedoesn’tprotestasIlickherlips,requestingentry.Shequicklyopenshermouth,

lettingmytongueslidein.MypoordickhasbeenhardeversinceIlaideyesonRonni,
andIthoughtitcouldn’tgetanyharder.Iwaswrong,verywrong.Thetasteofherhasit

sofuckinghardthatmycockisaching.Ipullhercloser,lettingherfeeljusthowmuchshe
affectsme.Thegroanshereleasescausesmetogrowl.

Runningoneofmyhandsdownherback,Idon’tstopuntilIreachthesoftswellof

herass.Cuppingit,Ipullherevencloserandgrindmycockintohersoftflesh.Shemewls
intomymouth,pressinghertitsagainstmychest.Herhandscomeuptomyhair,andshe
forcesmetodeepenthekiss.Istarttopushherback,wantingtoslidemyhandsunderthe
frontofhershirt,butCline’svoicecausesmetofreeze.

Suddenly,IrealizeexactlywhatIwasdoingandrealizehowfuckingcrazyitwas.I

wasreadytofuckherwithmydaughterintheotherroom.Nottomention,she’sTito’s
daughter.Ronniisofflimits,eventome.

“Daddy,I’mreadyforbed,”Clineshoutsfromthetopofthestairs.

Lettinghergo,Istepawayandshakemyhead.“Thatshouldn’thavehappened.”

TurningawayfromRonni,Iwalkoutoftheroomwithoutsayinganotherword.

Willingmycocktogodown,IheadupthestairsandwalkintoCline’sroom.Ihadhoped
that,aftertheexcitingdayofplayingwithDenverandtalkingnon-stoptoRonni,she
wouldbereadytofallasleep.Iwasn’tthatlucky.Asusual,sheforcedmetopulloutmy
guitarandsinghertosleep.Shekeptaskingforjustonemoresong.Imadeitalltheway
throughsongnumberfivebeforeshefinallynoddedoff.

PullingthecoversuptoCline’schin,Iwhisperonelastgoodnightandheadoutof

herroom.Leavingthedooropenjustacrack,Iwalkdownthehalltomyroom.AsIpass
theroomRonniissleepingin,Inoticealightshiningfromunderthedoor.Ihavetofight
theurgetojerkitopenanddragherasstobed.Instead,Igotomyroomandclosethe
doorbehindme.

WhileIdragmyshirtovermyhead,Ithinkbacktokissingher.Itwasamistake,a

hugefuckingmistake.Theminutemylipstouchedhers,Iwaslost.Iwantedmore,ahell
ofalotmore.Afteryearsoffuckingclubwhoresandbikerbunnies,beinginsideawoman
likehercouldruinme.Evenworse,itcouldmakemewantthingsIknowIwillnever
have.

Halfmybrotherswantnothingmorethantolivetheirlifewithnothingbuteasy

pussytofilltheirnights,butthatisn’twhatIwant.SinceIwasoldenoughtorealizewhat
atruefamilywas,Ialwayswantedanoldlady—someonetocomehometoeverynight,
someonetosharemylifewith.Iwon’tlie,sayIhaven’tenjoyedthefringebenefitsof
wearingaRiotMCcut.SinceIwassixteenandstartedprospecting,womenhavefoughtto
getinmybed.Hell,IactuallystartedgettingpussywhenIwasonlyfourteenandgotmy
cherrypoppedbyaclubwhore.Still,Iwantedmore.

AllthatchangedwhenIhadCline.Now,IrealizesheisallthefamilyI’lleverneed.

Assoonasshewasborn,myideaofwhatafamilyischanged.IknewI’dneverhave
morethanrandomhookupsfortherestofmylife,knewI’dnevertakeanoldlady.After
watchingMomtreatRonnilikeshit,IknewthatIwouldnevergiveanybitchthepowerto
hurtmylittlegirl.HavingRonniinmyhouse,makingmefeelshitIneverthoughtI
would,isn’tgonnachangethatfact.

“I’mastupidmotherfucker,”Imumbletomyself,thinkingaboutthekissonceagain.

EvenifIwaswillingtolayclaimtoRonni,putallmyworriesaside,Titowouldlose

hisfuckingmind.Nodamnwayishegoingtowanthisdaughtertiedtoabiker.Hemay
haveinitiallykeptherawayfromtheclubbecauseofmymom,butIdoubtshewasthe
onlyreason.Hewantsbetterforher,wantshertohavemorethansomebikerthatwill
probablyendupbehindbarsatsomepoint.

Pullingoffmyjeans,ItrytoturnmymindawayfromthoughtsofRonni.Islideinto

bedandclosemyeyes,thinkingabouttheupcomingmeetingwiththeGrimBastards.I’ve
knownBozforawhile.He’sagoodguy,andhisclubissolid.Still,movingthatmuch
productatonceisatrickybusiness.

TheshowerinRonni’sroomcutson,cuttingoffallthoughtsofrunningdrugs.Itry

toignorethethoughtsofherintheshower,trytogotosleep,butIcan’t.Mymindisfilled
withimagesofRonni’snakedbodyassherunshersoapyhandsoverherdelicioustits.
Justthethoughtofmyhandsreplacinghershasmydickthrobbingwithneed.Iattemptto
ignorethetemptationbutbarelymakeitaminutebeforemyhandiswrappedaroundmy
cock.

Islideitupanddown,runningmythumboverthetip.Pre-cumcoatsthehead,

givingmeenoughlubetoallowmyhandtoeasilyglideovermythrobbingcock.The
imageofhernakedassfillsmyhead,causingmyhearttorace.Imovemyhandfaster,
squeezingthebaseoneachpass.

“Fuck,”Imumbleout,mybreathinglabored.

Suddenly,Icanseemyselfstandingintheshowerwithher,runningmyhandsover

hernakedbody.Ipayspecialattentiontohertitsbeforemovingontogiveherassa
squeeze.BythetimeI’mslidingmyhandbetweenherlegs,mycockisleakinglikea
sieve.

Theimagesuddenlychangesagain.Now,Ronniisonherknees,wrappingherlush

lipsaroundmycock.Shetakesitdeep,causingagrowltopushitswayfrommythroat.
Sheholdsmyballsinherhandashermouthmilksmycock.Iswear,Icanfeelherwarm
lipsholdingmetightasmyhandcontinuestomoveupanddown.

Allmythoughtsarebroughttoaquickdeathwhenamuffledsoundreachesmyears.

Myeyespopopen,andmyhandstills.Ilookaroundtheroom,wonderingwhatthefuckit
was.IhearamoancomingfromtheothersideofthewallandrealizeIcanhearRonniin
theshower.She’sdoingthesamefuckingthingI’mdoing.

Iholdmybreath,waitingtoseeifIhearitagain.Asecondortwopassesbefore

anothermoanhitsmyears.MyhandslowlystartstomoveasIlistentoRonnigetherself
off.Shesighsthenmoansoncemore.Witheachsound,myhandstrokesfaster.I’mnearly
readytoblowwhenIhearhercalloutmyname.Hearingtheneedinhervoicepushesme
overtheedge.MybodyletslooseasIexplode.

ChapterTen

Van

Mystomachissofullit’sabouttobust,butIstillcan’tresisttheurgetoreachacrossthe
tableandgrabanotherpieceofchicken.EverynightsinceRonnishowedup,shehas
cookeddinner.SomeoftheshitshemakesI’veneverevenheardofbefore.Hell,Ieven
hadtodriveintoIndyjusttogetthestuffsheneededtomakeallofit.Atfirst,itirritated
thehelloutofme.Aftereatingafewmeals,Ihavenourgetocomplain.

Eachmealhasbeenbetterthanthelast,andtonightisnodifferent.Shebarbequed

chickenonthegrill,refusingmyoffertohelp.Sheevenmadeherownbarbequesauce
thatturnedoutfuckingamazing.Wheneverythingwasdone,weateonthebackdeck.
Stillnow,anhourlater,wearerelaxingandeatingontheleftovers.Myguess,therewon’t
beadamnthingleftbythetimewegoinside.

“Ibetterhittheroad.Gottaheadovertotheclubhouse,”Brasssays,standingupand

steppingawayfromthetable.

He’sgoingintotalktoWalker.Ourbrotherisleavingtomorrow,headingtoVegasto

pickupRonni’sstepbrother.ItonlytookonecalltotheclubinVegastohavetheman
broughtin.Guessthefuckerhasmadesomeenemiesdownthatway,andtheywereonly
toohappytohelpustakethefuckerdown.

Layingthehalf-eatenpieceofchickenonmyplate,Iliftmychintohim.“Remind

Walkertokeepmeupdated.Iwanttoknowtheminutehehasthatbastardinhishands.”

Ronnilooksbetweenthetwoofusbutdoesn’taskanyquestions.Sheknowsherdad

issendingabrothertopickupMiles.Hetoldhersobeforesheevenflewintotown.Still,
shehasn’tbroughtituponce,hasn’tevenaskedaquestion.Mostofthetime,shepretends
likehedoesn’tevenexist.

BrassreturnsmychinliftthenlookstoRonni.“Youkeepcookinglikethis,Ronni,

andIjustmayhavetomarryyou.”

“Sucharomanticproposal,”shesayswithashakeofherhead.“Yousureknowhow

tomakeagirl’sheartgopitterpatter.”

Leaningdowntoher,heplaceshisfacejustinchesfromher,layinghishandagainst

hercheek.“Imightnotknowmuchaboutawoman’sheart,butIguaranteeIcanmakethe
restofyoudomorethanjustpitter-patter.”

Fuck,I’mdonewithhimtryingtogetintoRonni’spants.I’vetriedtalkingtohim

aboutit,lethimknowthatshitisn’tgonnahappen.Hehasn’tlistenedtoafuckingword
I’vesaid.Instead,hestartedworkingherharder.

Tiredofhisshit,Iscootbackandliftmyfoot,sendingmybootedfootintohisback.

“Getthefuckawayfromher,andIwon’ttellyouagainthathernameisVeronica.”

“Whateveryousay,boss.”Heletsoutachucklebeforewalkingaway.

Iwatchhisbackuntilhedisappearsaroundthesideofthehouse.Then,myeyesscan

thebackyard,watchingClinechaseafterDenver,asmilecoveringherface.Sheshouldbe
inbed,butIcan’tmakemyselfforceherinsidejustyet.It’sSaturday,soshecansleepina
bitinthemorning.She’shavingtoomuchfuntomakeherstopnow.

Whenwefirstcameouthere,shewantedhimtoplayfetchwithher.Withitbeing

dark,andonlytheback-decklightilluminatingthebackyard,neithersheorDenvercould
seewherethestickendedup.Shequicklydecidedchasinghimwouldbealotmorefun.
Hearingherlaughter,Irealizethatsheneedsanotherdogofherown.Afterherlastdog
died,afterbeingattackedbyacoyote,Iwantedtowaitawhile.Itlookslikethewaitis
over.

Leaningbackinmychair,Itakeanotherdrinkofmybeerandenjoytheshowalittle

longer.AbeepfrommysidedrawsmyattentiontoRonni,sittingonlyafewfeetaway
fromme.I’msurprisedashellwhenIseeacellphoneinherhand,whileshetypesaway
onthescreen.

Inaflash,thephoneisinmyhand,andI’mshouting,“Whatthefuckareyou

thinking?Doyouwantyourbrothertofindyou?”

Droppingthephoneonthefloorofthedeck,Iliftmyfootoverit.JustbeforeI

obliteratethething,Ronnijumpsupandpushesmyleg.Mybootbarelymissesthephone.
BeforeIcangiveitanothershot,Ronnipicksitupandstepsback.

“Milescan’ttrackthisphone.It’saburner,completelyuntraceable,”shesays,

movingfurtherawayfromme.“IusedmyrealphoneforthelasttimewhenIwasinNew
York.Then,Ileftitinthehotelroom,alongwithmyluggage.”

TitowasworriedthatCottonPlainswouldbethefirstplaceherbrotherlookedfor

her,sohewentaboveandbeyondtomakesurethatherpresencewashidden.Withthe
helpofherfriend,theylaidoutatrailofbreadcrumbsforthefuckertofollowthatwould
endinNewYork.

SheleftoutofChicago,usingherownID,andflewtoJFKinNewYork.Shethen

checkedintoahotel,payingwithhercreditcard.Leavingsomeofherluggageand
obviouslyherphoneintheroom,shewalkedoutandheadedtoLaGuardia.Usingafake
IDandacreditcardtomatch,sheboardedaplanetoKansasCity.Repeatingtheprocess,
sheusedadifferentIDandflewintoIndianapolis.

“Idon’tcareifitisaburnerphone.Itcouldstillleadthatfuckertomyfrontdoor,”I

growl,feelingmyfrustrationbuilding.“Allhewouldhavetodoislookatyourfriends’
phonesthentrackeveryrandomnumberhefinds.”

Sheblowsoutafrustratedbreathandsays,“What’syournumber?”

“DidyounotlistentoafuckingwordIjustsaid?”Igrowl,shakingmyheadather

stupidity.

“Please,justgivemeyournumber,”shebegs,sittingbackdownatthetable.

Ifinallydoasshesays,rattlingoffmynumber,crossingmyarmsovermychest,and

waitingtoseewhatsheisupto.Asecondlater,myphonerings.Ilookatthescreenand
seethenameMyrtleUptonflashacrossthescreen.

Ishakemyhead,notbelievingthisshit.“Somefakenameisnotgonnastopyour

brotherfromrunningatraceonthephone.”

Ifhehastherightconnections,he’llbeabletotrackthephone,nomatterwhose

nameitislistedunder.Forenoughmoney,therightmancantellhimexactlywhereshe
wasthelasttimeitwasused.Nextthingweknow,troublewillcomeknocking.

Shedoesn’tbothertorespond,justcallsmeagain.Instincthasmelookingatthe

screenagain.Iblinkandreadthewordstwice,notquitebelievingwhatIsee.Itsays
Mario’spizza,withan816areacode.IfI’mnotwrong,that’saMissouriareacode.
Lookingbackthroughmycalllog,Iseethelastnumberstartswith270,aKentucky
number.

“Whatthefuck?”Imumblewhenmyphoneringsyetagain,flashingadifferent

nameandanotherareacode.

“Myfriendgavemethisphone.Erinisatechgoddess.Youputanelectronicdevice

inherhands,shecandoanything,”sheexplains,layingthephoneonthetable.“Whenshe
orKatcallsme,theirphoneautomaticallyscramblesthenumber.Eventhoughtheyare
dialingmyactualnumber,anyonelookingthroughtheircalllogwillseearandom
number.”

Ilookbackatmyphone,tryingtowrapmybrainaroundeverythingshesaid.“How

thefuckdidshedothat?”

Sheshrugs,leaningbackinherchair.“WhenIsaidErinisatechgoddess,Imeantit.

EverysecurityfirmintheStatesandafewoverseashastriedtogetheronboard.Even
HomelandSecurityisbangingdownherdoor.Everyonewantshertoworkhermagicfor
them.”

Mymindimmediatelygoestotheclubandhowshecouldhelpus.Oneofthe

brothers,Ram,isallintocomputers.HeknowsasmuchaboutthedamnthingsasIdomy
bike,butIdoubthewouldevenknowhowtoattemptsomethinglikethis.Itwouldsure
comeinhandyifwecouldgetthischickdownheretoteachhimsomeofhertricks.

“Shetakeupanyofthoseoffers?”Iask,mybrainturningwithpossibilities.

“Hellno,Erinisn’tevergoingtodoanyofthatshit.Shedoesn’twanttospendher

lifeworkingforsomecompanythatdoesn’tgiveashitabouther,”Ronnisayswitha
shakeofherhead.“Idon’tknowwhereshemakeshermoney,butIknowshewillnever
gotoworkatoneofthoseplaces.”

Ismile,likingthisbitchmoreandmore.“Weneedtogetherdownhere.”

Sheleansforwardandasks,“What?”

Drainingmybeer,Iplacetheemptybottleonthetable.“I’llhavetotalktoyourdad

first,butIthinkshecouldteachusathingortwo.”

“She’lllovethat.”Ronniletsoutawhoopthenjumpsfromherseatandgrabsher

phone.

Myeyesarelockedonherbouncingtitsasmycockstartstothicken.Ipushthoughts

ofhavingtheminmymouthawaywhenherfingersareflyingacrossthescreen.Before
thisshitgoestoofar,Istandupandjerkthephoneoutofherhand.Iclearoutthetextshe
wastypingandpoweritdown,shakingmyheadtheentiretime.

“AsIsaid,I’vegottatalktoyourdadfirst,”Iremindher,puttingherphoneinmy

pocketandsittingdown.

“He’llagree.DadlovesErin,”shestates,ploppingdowninherseat.“Wejusthaveto

makesureweneverleavethemalone.”

Cockingmyheadtotheside,Iask,“Whynot?”

“Erin’sgoalinlifeistogetintomydad’spants.”Ronniloseshersmileasalookof

revulsioncoversherface.“Thatshitwouldscarmeforlife.”

AsmilespreadsacrossmyfaceasIsay,“Don’tworry,Ronni.Weallhaveafew

scars.”

ChapterEleven

Van

Wakingup,Irolloverandlookattheclock.IblowoutafrustratedbreathwhenIseethat
halfthemorningisalreadygone.Ihaven’tgottenanysleepallfuckingweek.Mynights
arefilledwithdreamsofRonni,eachonewakingmeupwithanachingcock.I’vejacked
offmoreinthelastweekthanIhaveinthelasttenyears.

KnowingIcan’tgobacktosleep,Iletoutayawnandsitup.Clinegoesbacktoher

mom’stoday,andIwanttospendasmuchtimewithherasIcan.Iswear,mytimewith
herfliesby,eachweektogetherseemingshorterandshorter,whiletheweekwespend
apartseemstodragbyatasnail’space.

Climbingoutofbed,Iputonacleanpairofjeansandat-shirtandheadtoward

Cline’sroom.BeforeIevenopenthedoor,IhearRonnimovingaroundinthekitchen.
Decidingtoletmydaughtersleepafewminutesmore,Iwalkdownthestairsandgo
straighttothekitchen.

Ronniisstandingatthecounterwithamixingbowlinherhand.Herhipsare

swingingbackandforthasshesingsthewordsofFollowMebyUncleKrackerwhile
Denverlaysbyherfeethowlingalongwithher.Ican’tsayIblamehim.Thechickisas
beautifulasfuck,cancooklikeafive-starchef,makesmelaughmyfuckingheadingoff,
butshecannotsing.Ilistentoherforaminute,tryingnottocringe,enjoyingwatchingher
assmove.Whenshehitsaparticularlyhighnote,Ican’tstopachucklefromslippingpast
mylips.

Ronnijumpsatthesoundofmylaughterandquicklyturnstolookatme.“Youcan’t

sneakuponpeoplelikethat.Youdamnnearscaredmetodeath.”

“Wasn’tsneaking.Iwasjustlisteningtoyousing,”Isay,walkingovertothefridge

andtakingoutacartonoforangejuice.

Ipourmyselfaglass,notbotheringtoaskRonniifshewantssome.Sheisacoffee

freak,nearlydyingthefirstmorningshewokeupheretofindIdidn’thaveany.I’venever
likedtheshit,toodamnbitterforme,butshelivesoffofit.Hell,she’lldrinkitinthe
middleofthenightandstillseemstosleepsweetlyeverydamnnight.

“Whatyamaking?”Iask,takingaswallow.

“Cheesecrepeswithatripleberrydrizzle,”shesays,asmileonherface.“Sincethis

isCline’slastdayhere,untilnextweek,Iwantedtomakeaspecialbreakfastforher.”

RonnihasbentoverbackwardtomakesureClinehadagreattimethisweek.

Ronni’smadeallherfavoritemeals,givingeachoneheruniquetwist.She’splayedgames
withher,evenspenthourssittingatthekitchentablecoloringwithmylittlegirl.Ifshe
hasn’tbeenatschool,ClinehasbeenatRonniside.

Ilookintoherbeautifulbrowneyes,hopingshecanseehowthankfulIamfor

everythingshehasdone.“I’msureshe’llloveit.”

“Ihopeso,”shemumbles,pouringthebatterintoapan.

“She’slikedeverythingyou’vecookedsofar,butshe’slikedcookingthemwithyou

evenmore.Idon’tthinkI’veeverseenhersmilesomuch,”Itellherhonestly.“She’shad
agreattime,andshe’llbechompingatthebittodoitallagainnextweek.”

Forjustaminute,IthinkaboutwhatitwouldbeliketohaveRonniaroundallthe

time.IwonderhowitwouldaffectCline.I’mbettingmygirl’slifewouldbebetterforit.
Mylifesureinthehellwouldbefuller,nottomentionmybed.

“Itwasfunforme,too.I’mgladsheenjoyedit.Someofmyfavoritechildhood

memoriesareofspendingtimewithMom’scook.It’stheonlytimeIfeltlikeIcouldbe
me,”shesayswithashrug.“SinceIlikeditsomuch,Ifigureshe’dlikeit,too.”

Hearinghermentionhermom’scookremindsmeofthedifferentliveswehave

lived.Thereisnowaythisshitcouldworkbetweenus,notevenifTitowouldn’tfucking
killmefortouchinghisdaughter.Wearejusttoodifferent.

“I’vegottagogetClineup,”Isay,realizingIneedtogetsomedistancefromher.

Withoutwaitingforaresponse,Iwalkoutofthekitchenandheadupthestairs.

Denverfollowsme,somehowknowingIamgoingtowakeuphisbestfriend.Pushing
openCline’sdoor,Istandthereforamoment,takinginthesightinfrontofme.Shelooks
somuchlikemethatIcan’thelpbutsmile.She’sgotmyredhairandblueeyes.Luckily,
sheinheritedhermom’sfinerfeatures.Otherthanthat,she’sallme.

“It’stimetowakeup,babygirl,”Isay,pullingdownthecoversandrunningmyhand

overhercheek.“Ronniisalreadyfixingusbreakfast.”

“Okay,”shemumbles,rubbinghereyes.

Clinehasalwaysbeeneasytowakeup,notatalllikeme.Onlyaftershewasborn,

andIknewshedependedonme,couldIwakeupwithoutanalarmclock.Sheissimilarin
someways.Shecouldprobablysleepthroughatornado,butassoonasIlayahandon
her,she’supandraringtogo.

“We’vegotafewminutesbeforebreakfastisready.Whatdoyouwannado?”Iask,

alreadyknowingtheanswer.

“Iwanttopracticemyguitar,”shesqueals,jumpingoffthebedandpullingher

guitarcasefromunderthebed.

Ifiguredshewouldchoosealittlejamsession.It’salwaysbeenherfavoritethingto

do.Iboughtherfirstguitarwhenshewasonlythree.Ihadtohaveitspecialmadejustto
fitherhands.Bythetimeshewasfive,sheneededanewone.Lookingathernow,Iknow
she’llneedabiggeronebeforelong.

Ipickupherguitarandheadtothedoor.“Getyourteethbrushedandcomeondown

tothelivingroom.We’llpracticeuntilbreakfastisready.”

Shedoesn’twastetime,pettingDenverontheheadandrunningpastmetothe

bathroom.Ismileatherexcitement,happythatI’mtheoneabletogivethattoher.It’s
somethingspecial,justbetweenthetwoofus,andIloveit.

Afteraquickstopinmyroomtopickupmyguitar,Iheadbackdownstairsandwalk

intothelivingroom.Takingaseatonthecouch,Istarttostrumafewnotes.Therandom
notesturnintoHereWithoutYouby3DoorsDown.Idon’tgetveryfarbeforeClineis
runningintothelivingroomwithDenverrightbehindher.Shepullsherlittlechairin
frontofmeandsitsdown.Shestartsstrummingalong,notquiteabletofollowalongjust
yet.

She’safuckinggeniuswhenitcomestotheguitar.Shewasplayingsongsbefore

mostchildrenevenlearntopickachord.Likeme,sheplaysbyear.I’veneverlearned
howtoreadmusic,soIhadnoideahowtoteachher.I’mgonnafixthatshit,though.
She’llbestartinglessonsassoonasschoolisoutforthesummer.

“Whatdoyouwanttoplaynext?”IaskasIplaythelastfewnotes.

“Bama,”sheanswers,alreadypluckingaway.

Ismileather,knowingsheknowsthecorrectnamebutrefusestosayit.Ifollow

along,playingSweetHomeAlabama.It’sherfavoritesong,eventhoughthethingisolder
thanIam.ItisabitcomplexforCline’ssix-year-oldfingers,butshehitsenoughnotesto
makeitrecognizable.Beforelong,she’llbeabletoplayitwithoutmissingabeat.

“Sing,Daddy,”sheordersassheconcentratesonherhands.

“Justforyou,”Ireplyandstartsingingalongwiththeguitar.

Shefollowsalong,notmissingasingleword.Bytheendofthesong,sheisplaying

nearlyaswellassheissinging.Iswear,shejustkeepsgettingbetterandbetter.Bythe
timesheisten,she’llbeabletooutplayme.Fuck,she’llbeabletooutplaythebestout
there.

“Y’allsoundedgreat,”Ronnisaysfromthedoorway.Ididn’tevenknowshehad

beenlistening.Shesmilesatmethenmovesherfocustomylittlegirl.“You’vebeen
holdingoutonme,girl.Iknewyoucouldsing,butIhadnoideayoucouldplaythe
guitar.”

“Daddytaughtme,”Clinesays,layingherguitaronthecouchandjumpingup.“I’m

gonnabethenextPatsyCline.”

“Afterlisteningtoyou,Idon’tdoubtthat.Isthatwhereyougotyourname,from

PatsyCline?”sheasks,herdeepbrowneyesstillfocusedonCline.

Clinenods,butIanswer.“It’safamilytradition.”

“Huh?”Sheliftsonebrow,waitingformetoexplain.

I’msurprisedshedoesn’tknow;everyoneelsedoes.Thenagain,wehaven’treally

beenaroundeachothermuch.EventhoughI’msureTitohastalkedaboutmetoher,I
doubtheevertoldheraboutmyname.He’dhavenoreasonto.

“DadisahugeLynyrdSkynyrdfan,sohenamedmeafterRonnieVanZant.I

figureditwouldbecooltokeepthetradition,”Ianswer,rememberinghowmuchIhadto
fightwithReginatogiveherthatname.

Ronnismiles,lettingoutalaughasshepetsherdog’shead.Ican’tunderstandwhat’s

sodamnfunny.Nothing,asfarasIcansee.Shemustseethelookofconfusioninmyeyes
becauseshequicklystops.

“I’mnotlaughingatyou,Ipromise.Ilovebothyournames;Ireallydo,”she

explains,pullingClineinforahug.“WhenDadboughtmeDenver,hetoldmethathegot
himsoIwouldneverfeelalone.HesaidallIhadtodowaslookatthebiglugandI’d
knowthatmydaddywasalwaysthinkingofme.”

Istilldon’tgetit,soIshakemyhead.“Andthat’sfunny?”

“GrowinguplikeIdid,IneverreallyfeltlikeIhadahome,notarealone.But,

whenIwaswithmydad,Ialwaysfeltathome,nomatterwherewewere,”shesays,a
genuinesmileonherface.“ThefirstthingthatpoppedintomyheadwhenIlookedat
DenverwasthesongTakeMeHome,CountryRoads.Inamedmydogafterthesinger,
JohnDenver,soIwouldneverforgetthatIalwayshaveahomewithDad.”

Clinelaughs,eventhoughsheprobablycan’tunderstandwhatthehellRonniis

reallysaying.Ido,though.Sheistellingme,withoutactuallysayingit,thatherlifehas
beenjustasfuckedupasmine.ShemayhavelivedinahousethatcostmoremoneythanI
willeverhave,mayhaveevenhadahousekeeperandcook,butshewasneverhappy.

“I’mhungry,”Clinesays,breakingthesilencethathasfilledtheroom.

Ishakeawaymythoughtsandstandup.“Let’seat.”

ChapterTwelve

Veronica

Standinginthekitchen,Istartrinsingthedishestoloadinthedishwasher.Vanhastaken
Clinetogetreadyandgetherstufftogether.Hermomisgoingtobehereinalittlewhile
topickherup,andI’malreadymissingher.Shehaskeptmymindoccupied,notgiving
meaminutetothinkaboutthisshitmylifehasbecome.Nottomention,shehaskeptme
fromthrowingmyselfatVan.

Shehasbeentheperfectbuffer,aconstantremindertokeepmydistancefromhim.

Withhergone,I’mnotsurewhatIwilldo.IwantVanmorethanIhaveeverwanted
anythinginmylife.Iwanttotouchhim,wanthimtouchingme.Mostofall,Iwanttofeel
himdeepinsideofme.Iwanthimtomakememoanhisname,andI’mprettysurehe
wantsthesamething.

Sincewesharedourkiss,hehasn’ttouchedmeonce,buthisbrightblueeyeshave

followedmyeverymove.Thehungerinthemiseasytosee.Iswear,itlookslikehewants
nothingmorethantoeatmealive.Justthethoughtofhimdoingthatcausesmybodyto
pulsewithneed.

Itakeadeepbreath,tryingtocalmmyself,andplacethelastplateinthedishwasher.

JustasIgrabadishtoweltodrymyhands,there’saknockatthedoor.Notwantingto
interruptthelittlebitoftimeVanhaswithCline,Irushthroughthehouseandthrowit
open.Asecondlater,IamlookingintotheeyesofawomanthatIknowhastobeCline’s
mother.

I’msodamnshocked;Icanbarelykeepmymouthfromhangingopen.Shelooks

nothinglikeIexpected,notatfuckingall.Ihavetriedtopictureheramilliontimesover
thelastweek.Eachtime,shewassomeonedifferent.NoneofthewomenIenvisionedwas
anythinglikethewomaninfrontofme.Thischickremindsmesomuchofmymother
thatitmakesmesicktomystomach.

Herblondehairispulledupintoatightbunonthebackofherneck,pullingherskin

sotightthatitlookspainful.Herobviouslysurgically-alterednoseistippedupattheend,
givingherrestingbitchface.Hersilicone-filledlipsarepressedintoafirmline,lettingme
knowsheisanythingbuthappyatseeingme.BeforeIcantaketherestofherin,she
openshermouthandstartsspewingorders.

“TellVantogetouthererightnow,”shesayswithanunbecomingscowl.“Ineedto

talktohim,andI’mnotinthemoodtowait.”

Vanstepsaroundmeandstates,“I’malreadyhere.”

Asecondlater,thewomanisscreaming.SheistalkingsofastthatIcanonlymake

outabouthalfofwhatiscomingoutofhermouth.Igetthegist,though.Shedoesn’tlike
mebeinghereandwantsmenowherearoundherkid.Rightnow,I’dsaysheistheone
thatshouldn’tbeanywherenearCline.

“Ican’tbelieveyouwouldbringsomeclubwhorearoundourdaughter,”sheshouts,

andIhavetofighttheurgetocorrecther.

NeverbeforehaveIbeencomparedtoaclubwhore.Granted,mymotherand

stepfatherinsinuatedIwasawhoremorethanonce,butIalwaysignoredthem.Withthis
one,Iwanttocorrecther,letherknowwhoIam.Instead,Ikeepmymouthshut.

Sheplacesherhandsonherhipsandscreams,“Youpromisedyouwouldn’thave

anyofyourwhoresanywherenearCline!”

“Youneedtowatchyourmouth,Regina,”Vansays,butsheignoreshim.

Shegoesonandon,butagrowlbringshertiradetoanendasDenverpusheshisway

aroundVanandme.Hestopsjustafootortwoinfrontofmeandbareshisteethatthe
woman,lookingasviciousasthelegendaryCujo.I’msosurprisedathisbehavior;ittakes
meaminutetograbhiscollarandpullhimback.

DenverwasalreadygrownwhenDadgavehimtome.Dadgothimfromashelterin

Indy.Hehadbeenbroughtinafterhisownerdied.Thepeoplethatrantheshelterdidn’t
evenknowhisnameorage.Theonlythingtheydidknowwasthathewasgentlebut
couldbeviciouswhenprovoked.Untilthismoment,Ihaveneverseenthathappen.

“OhmyGod,”shewheezesout,takingastepback.“Please,tellmeyouhaven’thad

thatanimalaroundmydaughter.”

IwanttomakeexcusesforDenver,butIseeherpoint.Ifatwo-hundred-pound

animaljustgrowledatme,Iwouldn’twantitaroundmychild.Thenagain,Iwouldn’t
havebeenscreamingandgivingtheanimalareasontogrowl.

Runningmyhandoverhishead,Itrytocalmhimdown.“It’sokay,boy.Everything

isgoingtobeallright.”

“Takehiminside,Ronni,”Vanorders,noddinghisheadtothebackofthehouse.

“I’llbeinthereinjustafewminutes.”

Igivehimonelastlook,beforeleadingDenveraway.Mystomachdrops,knowing

thatVanisn’tgonnaletthisgo.He’sgonnamakemelockupmybaby.Ican’tblamehim,
butthethoughtofdoingitmakesmesicktomystomach.

Assoonaswestepintothelivingroom,allthoughtsofDenverflyoutofmyhead.

Clineissittingonthecouchwithtearsinhereyes,huggingherselfforcomfort.I’mtaken
backbythelookoffearinherbeautifulblueeyes.BeforeIcansayanything,Denverpulls
awayfrommeandrushestoher.Hestartslickingherfaceasshewrapsherarmsaround
hisneck.

“Denverwouldn’thurtyourmom,”Ireassureher,thinkinghisgrowlingmusthave

scaredhernearlytodeath.

Sheblinks,seemingconfused,thenasks,“DoIhavetogowithMommy?”

Whenthefearinhervoicehitsmyears,I’msuddenlytakenbacktoyearspast,toa

timethatIbeggedmyfathernottomakemegobacktomymother.Backthen,Ididn’t
understandthathecouldn’tkeepme.Ithoughthejustdidn’twantme.Ihopelikehellthat
Clinedoesn’tfeelthesamepainIfelt.

“YourMommyprobablymissesyou,”Itellhersoftly,sittingdownbesideherand

takingherintomyarms.“She’dbelonelyifyoudidn’tgohomewithher.”

Clinedoesn’tsayanything,justsobsagainstmyshoulder.Denvercriesrightalong

withher,howlingloudenoughtomakemyearsring.Itrytoshushhim,buthejustkeeps
on.Finally,afteraminuteortwo,Clinepullsawayfrommeandlooksatmydog.

“I’mokay,”shesays,pettinghishead.

Seemingtounderstand,heletsoutashortbarkthenplopsdownbythecornerofthe

couch.Shewipeshereyesandgivesmeahug.Withoutevenaword,shestandsupand
walkstowardthedoor.Denverletsoutabark,hiseyestrainedonherdepartingfigure.I
laymyhandonhishead,kneadingthelooseskinonthebackofhisneck.Icanfeelthe
tensionrunningthroughhisbodyandknowthesametensionisfillingmyown.

Theminutestickby,seeminglikeforever,asIwaitforVantocomebackinside.

Finally,hewalksintothelivingroom,lookinglikehisworldiscomingtoanend.He
stopsjustinsidethedoorandlooksatme.HiseyesmovetoDenver,andachillrunsup
myspine.Thefireinsidehisblueorbscausesgoosebumpstocovermyskin.

Ijumpoffthecouchandsay,“I’msosorryhebarkedather.Denverhasnever

growledatapersonbefore.IsweartheonlytimeIhaveheardhimevenattemptagrowl
waswhenhesawasquirrelatthepark.”

Helooksthroughme,hisblueeyesfilledwithconfusion.“Whatthefuckareyou

talkingabout,Ronni?”

Itrytothinkofawaytoanswerhim,butI’msoconfusedthatnothingcomesto

mind.Heseemssopissed;IwassurehewasangrythatDenvergrowledatCline’smom.
Ifnot,Ihavenodamnideawhatiswrong.

“Aren’tyoumadaboutDenvergrowlingatCline’smom?”Iask,feeling

overwhelmedbytheemotionsrunningthroughmybody.

“Fuckno.”HewalksovertogiveDenverapatonthehead.“Yourdogisagood

judgeofcharacter.IwouldgrowlatherbitchyassifIcould.I’dprobablybiteher,too,ifI
wasn’tafraidofgettingrabies.”

Itrytothinkofaresponsetohiswords,butnothingcomestomind.Ihavenoidea

whatisgoingoninhishead.Ifhe’snotangryaboutCline,I’mnotsurewhatiswrong
withhim.Granted,Cline’smomwasatotalbitch.Maybehegetspissedjustbeingaround
her.IknowIwould.

“Oh,”Imumble,notknowingwhatelsetosay.

Helooksatmeforaminutebeforewalkingoverandgrabbingmyhand.Heforces

metostandup,pullingmeflushagainsthisbody.Hiseyesmeetmineforaminute.Ithink

heisgoingtokissmeforasecond,buthestepsawayjustbeforehislipstouchmine.

“Ihatethatshit,hatesendingherback,”hestates,steppingawayfromme.“It’s

fuckingwithmyhead,knowingthatClinehastospendsomuchtimewiththatbitch.”

Tobehonest,it’smessingwithmyheadtoo.Clineissupersensitive,cryingifany

littlethinggoeswrong.Nottomention,shegoesoverboard,tryingsohardtoplease
everyone—muchmoresothanalittlegirlofsixshould.Allofthatworriedmebefore
meetinghermom.NowthatIhavelaideyesonthewoman,itscarestheshitoutofme.

Knowinghedoesn’tneedtohearanyofthatrightnow,Isaytheonlythingthat

comestomind.“Icouldgowithashot.Whataboutyou?”

Helooksatmeforasecondbeforenodding.“Icouldhandleafew.”

“Comeon,then.”Ipasteonafakesmile,grabbinghisarmandpullinghimtoward

thekitchen.“There’sabottleofJackabovethefridgewithournamesonit.”

ChapterThirteen

Van

I’msittinginthelivingroom,pickingonmyguitar,boredoutofmyfuckingmind.Being
stuckinthehouseallthetimeiskillingme.Usually,I’mattheclubhouseanytimeClineis
athermom’s.WithRonnihere,that’snotgonnahappen.Normally,Iwouldtakeherover
theretohangout,butIcan’tdothatrightnow.

TherewasahugecharityruninIndylastweekend,raisingmoneyforamemberofa

localclub.Hissonhasleukemia,andbikerscameoutofthewoodworktohelphimpay
forthekid’streatment.IfRonnihadn’tbeenhere,Iwouldhavebeenrightbytheirside.

WeopenedtheclubhousetoacluboutofKentucky,onethatcurrentlyrunsgunsfor

us.Weagreedtoputtheirboysupfortherun.Ofcourse,thatnightturnedintoanother
thenanother.Theboysarehavingtoomuchfundrinkingourliquorandfuckingour
whorestoheadhome.I’dbepissedifwewouldn’tbedoingthesamethingattheirclub.

Theplanforthemtocomedownwasmadeweeksbeforewefoundoutabouttheshit

goingdownwithRonni.Bythetimeweknewwhatwasgoingon,itwastoolateto
changeourminds.Atleast,wecouldn’tchangeourmindswithouttheircrewwondering
whatthefuckisgoingdown,andwedon’twantanyoneaskingquestions.

RonniwalksintothelivingroomwithDenverrightonherheelsandplopsdown

besideme,lettingoutalargesigh.Helaysbyherfeet,almostmimickinghisowner’s
sound.

“I’mlosingmyfreakingmind.”Sheleansagainstthebackofthecouchwithagroan.

“Somethingwrong?”Iask,crackingasmile.

It’sbeenthreedayssinceClineleft.Inthattime,I’vegottentoknowRonniona

differentlevel.Before,allherattentionwasonmylittlegirl.Now,sheisfocusingitallon
me.Withanyotherwoman,I’dfeelsmothered.Withher,itsomehowfeelsright.Theonly
problemis,beingaroundhersomuchismakingmewantherevenmore.

“Yeah,something’swrong.”Ronnilooksoveratme,rollinghereyes.“I’mbored.

WithoutClinehere,Ihaven’tgotanythingtodo.”

“She’llbebackthedayafterwegethomefromTennessee,”Isay,settingmyguitar

backinitscaseandpushingitunderthecouch.

“Iwishitwastomorrow,already,”shewhines,leaningintomysideandlayingher

headonmyarm.

WhenItoldherthatwewouldn’tbegoinguntilThursday,shedidn’tlikeitatall.If

itwereuptoRonni,we’dhaveleftrightafterClinedidandstayeduntilshecameback
home.

“You’vemadeitthroughthreedayssofar.Ithinkyou’llbefineforonemore.”I’m

notsurewhatelsetosay.

I’mleavingRaminchargeinmyabsencesinceBrassandTazwillbewithus.I

madesureheknewwhatwasrequiredofhim,includingwatchingoverRonni’sdog.I’d
ratherleaveWalkerincontroloftheclub,buthe’sstillinVegas.Hopefully,he’llbeback
withMilesbythetimewegethome.

Thisisprobablytheworsttimeforustobegoinganywhere.Ifitwasn’tforthefact

thatwe’retakingRonniwithus,I’dbegladtobegoingawayforafewdays.Thereare
justtoomanyunknownsthere.Whenshe’sinthehouse,Icankeepmyeyesonher,make
suresheissafe.Whenwegetthere,Iwon’tknowwhoIcantrustwithher.

“I’mexcitedtohangoutwithTrixandthegirls,”shesays,soundingonlyahintless

whiney.“Butthatstilldoesn’tmakemeanylessboredrightnow.”

I’mstillinshockthatTitotookherwithhimtotheotherclub.Hehasn’tletherstep

footinours,buthetakeshertootherclubs.Itjustdoesn’tmakeanysense.Thenagain,
mymomwasn’tattheotherclubstopullhershit.

Decidingit’stimeforasubjectchange,Iask,“Ifyouwereathome,whatwouldyou

bedoingrightnow?”

Ronniglancesoverattheclockandanswers.“Thistimeofday,I’dbeatworkatthe

restaurant.I’dbesweatingmyassoff,cookingforhundredsofpeople.”

Suddenly,Irealizeshehasnevermentionedwheresheworkedatbefore.Thenagain,

Ihaveneveraskedher.Infact,I’vedonemybestnottoaskanythingaboutherlife.
Knowingthatshegrewupwithmoney,Ididn’twanttohearaboutit.Consideringthefew
thingsshehasletslip,Ishouldhaveknownsheleftthatlifebehindher.

“Youlikeworkingattherestaurant?”Iask,honestlyinterested.

“Ishould.It’soneofthebestrestaurantsinChicago.Hell,it’soneofthebestinthe

world.TheexecutivechefisaJamesBeardnomineeandhastwoMichelinstars.Just
workingwithhimisaprivilege.”Shechewsonherbottomlipforafewsecondsbefore
goingon.“But,I’mgettingtiredofit.Ispendallmytimefollowingsomeoneelse’s
recipes,makingthesameshitoverandover.Iwanttocookmyownfood.”

Thinkingaboutallthetimeshespendsinthekitchen,thesmileshehasonherface

whenshedoes,Iask,“Youreallylovecooking,don’tyou?”

“Cookingismypassion.I’veloveditsinceIwasalittlegirl,”shesays,cuddling

closertome.“Momneverwantedmearound,soIspentallmytimewiththecook.
Georgiadidn’tmindhavingmearound.SheactuallytreatedmelikeIwasmorethanjusta
burden.It’stheonlytimeIfeltlikeIwasloved—atleastwhenmydadwasn’taround.”

Itrytoignorethepaininhereyeswhenshetalksaboutherchildhood,notwanting

tothinkaboutwhyitmakesmesoangry.Instead,Ifocusonhowdifferentourliveswere.
Ican’timaginegrowingupwithacook.Mymomwasn’tgoingtowastehertimeinfront
ofastove,andwedefinitelydidn’thavethemoneytohiresomeonetodoit.Ourmeals
consistedofwhatevertheoldladiesattheclubhousefixed,greasytake-out,orsomething
thatcouldbenukedinthemicrowave.

WhenIdon’tsayanything,shecontinuesonwithherstory.“WhenMomand

Timothysentmetoboardingschool,ImissedcookingwithGeorgiamorethananything.
Bythattime,IknewIwantedtobeachef,buttheysureinthehelldidn’toffercooking
classes.Sure,theyshowyouhowtosetatablethecorrectwayanddroneonandonabout
tablemanners,buttheydon’teventeachthebasicsofmealprep.So,Iimprovisedandgot
ahotplateandatoasteroven.I’dcookwholemealsinmyroom.”

Ileanbackandwrapmyarmaroundher,unabletostopmyselffromtouchingher.

“Whydidyougotoboardingschool?”

Ican’timaginesendingClineawaytoschool.Idon’tevenwanttoimagineit.Not

havingmylittlegirlwithmewouldkillme.Fuck,whenshewasonlyhereeveryother
weekend,itdamnnearguttedme.

Ronnilooksoveratme,herbrowneyesfullofshadows.“Iwasn’tlivinguptomy

fullpotential,atleastnotwheretheywereconcerned.Theyhopedbeinginboarding
schoolwouldhelpmeseetheerrorofmyways.”

Irememberwhenshewasfirstsenttotheschool.Titothrewafuckingfit,sayingshe

wastoodamnyoungtobeallonherown.IfI’mnotwrong,shewasonlyafewyears
olderthanClineisnow.Ican’tevenfathomputtingthatmuchpressureonmydaughter.

“WhatIreallywanttodoisownmyownrestaurant.Itdoesn’thavetobefancy,just

somethingIcancallmyown,”sheconfesses,purposelychangingtheconversation.“At
theveryleast,Iwanttobeanexecutivechef,soIcancookthefoodIwant.”

“Ifyouwantyourownrestaurant,thendowhatyou’vegottadotogetit,”Itellher,

knowingmynextwordsaregoingtopissheroff.“Yourmomandstepdadneverdidshit
foryou,soletthemdothis.Usesomeofyourinheritanceandgetyourdream.”

“Noway,”shesays,shakingherhead.“Ican’tdothat.EvenifIwasstarvingto

death,Iwouldn’tusethatmoneytobuymyselfaloafofbread.”

Thoseassholesmusthavereallyfuckedwithherheadforhertobesoadamantabout

notwantingthemoney.Icanunderstandthat,butshereallyneedstothinkabouther
future.Nouselosingtheonlychanceshemayevergettohavewhatshewants.

Istarttoarguemypoint,butshecutsmeoffwithashakeofherheadandpullsaway.

“Notgonnahappen.Ihaveaplan,though.”

Whenshedoesn’tsayanythingforasecond,Iask,“Yougonnatellmeaboutit?”

“Mygrandmother,Mom’smom,leftmesomejewelry.Momnevertoldme.Ididn’t

knowathingaboutituntilaftershedied,”shesays,lookingatmeformyreaction.“It’s
worthnearlyaquarterofamilliondollarscombined,andIthinkI’mgoingtosellit.Since
itwasn’teverreallymymom’s,Idon’tfeelasbadaboutusingit.”

Idomybesttokeepmyfacepassive,notwantinghertoseemyshock.Again,Iam

remindedofhowdifferentourbackgroundsare.Ican’tevenimaginewhataquarterofa
milliondollars’worthofjewelrylookslikeorhowonewomancouldownthatmuch.

“Ifthat’swhatyouwannado,thendoit,”Isaywithashrug.“Ifyourgrandmaleftit

toyou,I’msureshewouldwantyoutogetsomeenjoymentoutofit.”

Shelaughs,alaughthatsoundsuncharacteristicallybitter.“Inevermether,butI

doubtit.Sheraisedmymother,soshewasprobablyanuptightbitch,too.”

BeforeIcanreply,myphonebeeps.Ipullitoutofmypocketandlookdown.

Brass’snameflashesacrossthescreenwithatextthatletsmeknowthevisitingclubis
gone.IlookbacktoRonniasIpushmyphonebackinmypocket.Seeingadarknessin
herbeautifulbrowneyes,IknowIhavetodosomethingtochangethat.

“Withallthistalkaboutcooking,myassisgettinghungry.Youneedtogomakeme

somefuckingbrownies,”Iorder,knowingitwillgetariseoutofher.

“Gofixyourowndamnbrownies.Betteryet,fixbrowniesforthebothofus.I’ve

beencookingforyouforoveraweek.Ithinkit’stimeyoumadesomethingforme,”she
ordersback,crossingherarmsoverherchest,drawingmyattentiontoherperfecttits.

“Trustme,darlin’,youdon’twanttoeatanythingIcook.Icangrillthehelloutofa

steak,butthat’saboutit.Ifit’snotsteak,I’mnotputtinganythingIcookanywherenear
mymouth.”ItellhertheGod’shonesttruth,ignoringthefactthathertitsaretheonly
thingIwantinmymouthatthismoment.

Ronnigetsanoddlookonherface,followedbyabiggrin.“I’llmakeadealwith

you.Yougrillussomesteaks,andI’llmakeyousomebrowniesfordessert.”

“Icandothat,”Ireply,withanod.“I’llsweetenthedealevenfurther.Afterweeat,

wecangohangoutattheclubhouse,getusafewdrinks.”

Ronnijumpsupoffthecouch,herbodyvibratingwithexcitement,causingDenver

tositupandletoutabark.“Hellyes!That’sthebestideaI’veheardinawhile.”

Ikeepmyeyestrainedonherasswhileshewalksoutoftheroom.It’sathingof

purefuckingbeautythathasmycockstandingatattention.Assoonassheisoutofmy
sight,Ireachdownandgiveitsqueeze,mentallywillingittogodown.Whenthefucker
justthumpsagainstmyhand,IknowI’mintrouble.ThereisnofuckingwayamIgonna
makeitthenexttwoandahalfweeksuntilTitogetsoutofjail.Iwillbesinkingdeep
insidehersweetbodysoonerorlater.

ChapterFourteen

Veronica

Shootingthegood-lookingguysittingacrossfrommeagrin,Itossbackanothershotand
pushthebottletowardhim.Hehasbeenmatchingmeshotforshotforthelasthour,ever
sinceVanbroughtmetotheclubhouse.Witheveryshotwetake,theguyslouchesalittle
moreinhischair.Whenhestartedthislittlegame,hedidn’trealizethatIinheritedmy
abilitytoholdliquorfrommyfather.Whereheisgettingsloppydrunk,I’mjustfeeling
reallyfuckinggoodandplantogetfeelingevenbetter.

“Areyousureyou’reactuallydrinkingthatshitandnotpouringitoveryour

shoulder,”heasks,hiswordsslurringjustabit.

“Positive.”Ismile,grabbingthebottleandtakingashotstraightfromthesource.

“Myfathertaughtmewell.”

Settingthebottlebackdown,Itakeintheman.Irememberseeinghimaboutayear

orsoago.MydadhadsomebusinessinChicagoandcamebytoseemewhilehewasin
town.Thisguywaswithhim.Eventhoughweneverspoke,heisn’tsomeoneeasily
forgotten.

Beforewestarteddrinking,hetoldmethathisnamewasTaz,sayinghecouldn’ttell

mehowhegothisname.Hewaswillingtoshowme,though,ifI’dgobacktohisroom
withhim.Ifitwasn’tforthefactthatIwantedVansofuckingmuch,Imighthavetaken
himupontheoffer.

Evenwellonhiswaytobeingsloppydrunk,Tazishotashell.Consideringheis

blindinoneeye,leavinghisirisanearlytranslucentshadeofblue,he’snotwhatsome
womenwouldconsidergoodlooking.Still,thereisjustsomethingabouthimthatcauses
metosquirminmyseat.Justlookingathim,Icantellhewouldbefuckingamazingin
bed.

Sofar,everymemberI’vemethasbeensexyasfuck.Eventheolderbrothersmade

melickmylipsinappreciation.IfErinandKatwerehere,they’dbecreamingtheir
panties.Justasthatthoughthitsmymind,Ipulloutmyphone,takeaquickpictureofTaz,
andsendittomygirls,knowingtheywillappreciatehisbeauty.

“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”heasks,layinghisforearmsonthetabletop.“Did

youjusttakeapictureofme?”

Iturnmyphonearoundandlethimseethepicture.“Sendingmyfriendssomeman

candyfortheirspankbankcollection.”

Hechuckles,reachingoutforthebottleandpouringhimselfanothershot.“Ifthey

needsomethingwithmoreofapersonaltouch,justletmeknow.”

Istarttoaskhimtotakehisshirtoff,thealcoholcausingmetoloseallmyreserve.

MymouthslamsshutasIseeVanwalkingmyway.Justlookingathimhasmynipples
tightening.I’veneverseenanything,notapersonorathing,looksofuckinggood.He’s
likesexonlegs,andIjustknowhewouldhavemescreaminghisnameallnightlong.

“AreyoutryingtokillTaz?”heasks,takingaseatnexttomeandthrowinghisarm

overthebackofmychair.

Ileanintohim,layingmyhandonhisthigh.“Nope,justmakingsurehehasalittle

bitofaheadacheinthemorning.”

Hechuckles,lockingeyeswithme.“Nottoomuchofone,Ihope.Hehastorideout

withusinthemorning.”

Ashelooksintomyeyes,mymindautomaticallydriftsbacktotheonekisswe

shared,andmytonguesnakesouttowetmylips.Hemumblessomethingunderhisbreath
thenlowershismouthtomine.Assoonashislipstouchmine,mybodytightenswith
interest.Ikisshimback,enjoyinghistaste.Moaningintohismouth,Islidemytongue
againsthis,andmybodyshiverswithexcitement.Vanpullsaway,endingthekisssooner
thanIwouldlike.

ThemaninquestionlooksbetweenVanandmewithadrunkensmileonhisface.

“Fuck,brother.Titoisgonnakillyou.”

Vanlooksdownatmethenbacktohisfriend.“Weallgottadiesometime,man.I

mayjustaswellhavesomefunonthewayout.”

IleanevenclosertoVan,plasteringmyselftohisside,notevenbotheringtopretend

Idon’tunderstandwhathe’stalkingabout.Dadisgonnabepissed,butthatisnotgonna
stopmefromcrawlingintoVan’sbedtonight.I’vebeenfightingtheurgeforoveraweek.
I’mdonefightingtheurge.

Vanstandsup,pullingmewithhim.“We’regoingtomyroom,andI’mgonnafuck

you.Yougoodwiththat?”

Feelingmypussyconvulse,Inodmyhead.“Ohyeah.”

Holdingmyhand,heleadsmethroughthecrowd.Wewalkdownthehallway,not

sayinganotherword.Whenwegetneartheend,heletsgoofmyhandandpullshiskeys
outofhispocket.Asecondlater,hehasthedooropenandispullingmeinside.Assoonas
thedoorisshutandlockedbehindus,hislipsareonmineagain.

Vankissesmeuntilwearebothbreathlessthenpullsawayandjerksmyshirtover

myhead.“I’vebeendreamingaboutyourtitssincethesecondIseteyesonyouatthe
airport.”

Heraisesahandandbrusheshisthumboveronelace-coverednipplethenmoves

ontotheother.Theybothstandatattention,wantingmoreofhistouch.Heslowlyworks
hishandaroundme,expertlyreleasingthehookonmybra.AssoonasIfeelitcome

undone,Ishrugitoffmyshouldersandletitfalltothefloor.

“Yourturn,”Isay,myvoicehoarsewithdesire.

Hestartsundressing,onlytakinghiseyesoffmybreastswhenthey’reobstructedby

hist-shirt.Bythetimehekicksoffhisbootsandstartsonhisjeans,Iamstandingbefore
himwithnothingbutapairoflacepantieson.Hestopsforjustasecond,bringinghis
handtothelaceandslidingitbetweenmythighs,cuppingmypussy.

“Icouldcomejustthinkingaboutbeinginsideyou,”hesays,releasinghisholdand

grabbingthebuttononhisjeans.

IkeepmyeyestrainedonhimasIslidemypantiesoff.“I’dratherwaituntilyoudid

getinsideme.Youknow,afteryou’vefuckedmesohardIcan’tmove.”

“IthinkIcanholdoffthatlong,”hereplies,shootingmeawink.“Ifnot,I’malways

goodforasecondround.”

Whenhefinallystepsoutofhisjeans,mymouthstartstowater.Hiscockisstone

hardandstandingstraightup.It’sbig,agoodeightinchesandquiteabitthickerthanmy
wrist.HehasaPrinceAlbertpiercing,withametalballsittingrightonthetip.It’sgoing
tofeelamazinginsideofme.Beforethathappens,Iwantataste.

Notaskingpermission,Ireachoutandattempttowrapmyfingersaroundit.When

theywon’treach,mypussytingleswithexcitement.Mylipsopenontheirownvolition.A
secondlater,I’monmyknees,mytonguecirclingthehead,lappingupabeadofpre-cum.
HistastehasamoanslippingfrommymouthasItakehimin,allthewaytothebackof
mythroat.

“Fuck,”hegrowlsout,grabbingholdofmyhairandholdingmeinplace.“Swallow

mycock,Ronni.Iwanttofeelyourthroatwrappedaroundme.”

Hefistsmyhairasheforcesmetotakehimdeeper.Imoanaroundhiscock,milking

himwithmythroatmuscles.Iholdhimthereafewsecondsbeforejerkingbackand
takingadeepbreath.Iquicklyswallowhimbackthenpullouttothetip,showingitextra
attention.Iflickmytongueoverhispiercingthenpullhimindeepagain.

“Enough,”hemoans,jerkingonmyhair.

Withoutgivingmetimetothink,hepullsoutofmymouthandpicksmeupoffthe

floor.Heliftsmeup,takingafewsteps,thenthrowsmeonthebed.Heisontopofme
beforethebedevenstopsvibrating.Hislipsimmediatelyattachtooneofmynipples.
Whenhebitesdownonthesensitivepeak,Iletoutastrangledmoan.

Ithreadmyfingersthroughhisauburnlocksandpushmybreastfurtherintohis

mouth.Hesucksitforjustasecond,justhardenoughtoletmeknowtherewillbeamark
tomorrow,thenmovestotheother.Hegivesitthesametreatment,leavingmewithering
formore.

Vanfinallybringshislipsbacktomineandgivesmeadeepkiss.“Iwanttoplay,but

Ineedtobeinsideyoutoofuckingbad.”

“Wecanplaylater,”Imumble,wantingnothingmorethantofeelhiscockmoving

withinmybody.

Henodsthenreachesoverandpullsacondomoutofthenightstand.Igrabitoutof

hishand,usingmyteethtotearitopen.Usingmylegs,Iforcehimtorolloveronhisback
andstraddlehim.Hiscockisnestledbetweenmythighs,andIcan’tstopmyselffrom
glidingagainstitslengthatimeortwo.

OnlywhenIknowIcan’twaitasecondmore,Imovebackjustenoughtorollthe

condomon.Itakemytime,lookingintohiseyesasIdoit.Onceit’sinplace,Iwrapmy
handaroundthebaseandsinkdownonit,notstoppinguntilheisrooteddeepinsideof
me.Myheadfliesback,andImoansoloudthesoundbouncesoffthewalls.

“Yes,”Icry,unabletosayanythingmore.

Asecondlater,heflipsmetomybackandtakesover.Hestartspoweringinandout

ofme,goingdeepeachandeverytime.Imovewithhim,wantinghimasdeepaspossible.
ItfeelssogoodthatIcanalreadyfeelmypussystartingtocontract.Witheachstroke,he
bringsmecloserandclosertothepinnacle.

“Fuckmehard,”Icryout,wantingtofalloverthatedge.

“Ifyouwantsomething,youasknicely,”hestates,slowinghisstrokes.“I’mtheonly

onewhoissuesordersinthisbed.”

Itightenmywallsaroundhimandwhisper,“Please.”

Heimmediatelypicksupspeed.Thepowerofhisstrokescausesthebedtobang

againstthewall,fillingtheroomwiththethudofwoodhittingsheetrockeverysecond.
Witheachthrust,Igetcloserandcloser.Apartofmewantsthistolast,butanotherpart
wantsinstantgratification.Thatpartwinsout.

Movingmyhandbetweenus,Itouchmyclit.Vaninstantlystops,grabbingmyhand

andpullingitaway.Bringingitabovemyhead,heholdsitagainstthemattress.

“Ifanyonegetstoplaywiththispussy,it’sgonnabeme,”hesays,lettinggoofmy

handandmovinghisbetweenus.

Hisfingerslatchontomyclit,givingitahardsqueezeandatwist.Hereleasesit,

rubbingsmallcirclesovertheover-sensitizedbud,thenpinchesitagain.That’sallittakes.
Myhipsbuckasmypussyclampsdownonhiscock.Fireworksgooffthroughoutmy
body,leavingmelimpandoutofbreath.

“Fuckingamazing,”Iwhimperout,wrappingmyarmsaroundhim.

Hepullshishandfrombetweenusandplacesitagainstmythroat,squeezingjust

enoughtocutofftheairflow.“Ididn’tsayyoucouldcome,Ronni.”

Hiswordsintensifytheaftershocksthatarealreadyworkingthroughmybody.Iride

outanotherorgasm,lovingthefeelingofhishandatmythroat.Thehintofdangermakes
myorgasmhitharderandlastahellofalotlonger.

“Suchabadgirl,”hechides,pullinghishandawayandgrabbingmyhair.“Stillnot

waitingforpermission.”

Hetugsonmylonglocksashepowersintome.Glidinginandout,histhrustslose

theirrhythm.Hepoundsintome,losingallcontrolofhisbody.Withinaminute,heburies
himselftotheroot,andhiscocktwitchesdeepinsideofme.

Asecondlater,hisweighthitsmybody,andhesays,“Yeah,youaresoworththeass

kickingI’mgonnaget.”

ChapterFifteen

Veronica

ClimbingoffthebackofVan’sbike,IlooktothefrontoftheGrimBastardsclubhouse
thenbackathim.Ofcourse,heisn’tlookingatme.Hehasbarelylaideyesonmesincehe
wokemeupthismorning.I’mprettydamnsureheregretslastnight,regretseverlayinga
handonme.Idon’tregretit,notevenalittlebit.

NotonlywasitthebestsexIhaveeverhad,butitwasalsothefirsttimeinmylife

thatIeverfelttrulywanted.I’vebeenwithalotofguys,morethanIcaretoadmit,butI
neverfeltlikeIwasimportanttothem.Iwasalwaysjustameanstoanend,awaytoget
offandnothingmore.WithVan,Ifeellikeheneededmeasmuchasheneededhisnext
breath.

Pullingmyeyesbacktotheclubhouse,IattempttoputmynightwithVanoutofmy

mindandstretchthesoremusclesinmyback.Ilovebeingonthebackofabike.Evenas
alittlegirl,Ilovedridingwithmyarmswrappedaroundmydad.Itgivesmeafeelingof
totalfreedom,unlikeanythingelseintheworld.Theonlyproblemisthatlongridesleave
mefeelinglikeIjustgotmyasskicked.

“Let’sgetourassesinside,”VanordersashestartswalkingtothedoorwithBrass

andTazwalkingathisside.

Bythetimewegettothedoor,abrotherpushesitopenandushersusinside.The

mentalkamongstthemselvesasheleadsusintothecommonroom.Iignorethem,looking
aroundforafamiliarface.Itonlytakesasecondformyeyestolandononeoftheold
ladies,butit’snottheoneI’mlookingfor.

“Wedidn’texpecty’allforanotherhour,”theBastards’SergeantatArmssaysaswe

cometoastopathistable.“Bozhadsomethingtodothismorning,buthe’llbehereany
minute.”

“Notaproblem,”Vantellshim,sittingdowninachair.

Istandthere,wonderingwhatthefuckI’msupposedtodonow.Thequestionis

takenawayfrommewhenVanpullsmeintohislap.I’msosurprised,Iletoutagaspand
nearlytumbletothefloor.WhenIfinallycalmdown,IturnandscowlatVan.Heis
lookingatmewithacockysmileonhisface.

“Yougotsomeballs,man,”theGrimBastards’VPsaysashetakesaseat.“Noway

I’devergoanywherenearmyPres’sdaughter.”

Narrowingmyeyes,IreplyforVan.“YourPresdoesn’thaveadaughter,sothat’dbe

prettyeasyforyou.”

Normally,Iwouldn’tsayawordatatablefullofbikers.I’dkeepmymouthshut,

knowingthatatsomeclubs,womenaremeanttobeseenbutnotheard.Ialsoknowthat
somemendon’tmindusingtheirfiststomakesurethatstaystrue.Consideringthatthe
mensittinginfrontofmearemyfriends’husbands,Iletmywordsfly.

“You’vegotapointthere,sweetheart.”Henods,hissmilegrowingimpossibly

bigger.“WhatIshouldhavesaidis,thereisnowayI’dlayafingeronTito’sdaughter,no
matterhowfuckingirresistiblesheis.”

“Yeah,butitmaybeworthTito’sangertogetatasteofyou,”theSergeantatArms

says,withatwinkleinhiseye.

“Ifyoudoanytasting,I’llcutoffyourballs,”MyfriendAddysays,walkingover

andflickingherfingeragainstthesideofheroldman’shead.

“WhywouldI,whenIhaveyoursweetassinmybedeverynight?”Helooksupat

her,smirkinginawaythathasherlosingthefrownonherface.

“Goodanswer,”sherepliesthenlooksatmeandgrins.

AsmilespreadsacrossmyfaceasIwiggleoutofVan’slapandrunovertomy

friend.AddyandIhug,bothtalkingovertheother.Ionlymetherafewyearsagoandhad
onlyseenhertwiceinallthattime,butwe’vebecomeclosethroughcallsandfrequent
textmessages.We’vebarelysaidtwowordswhenI’mjerkedawayfromAddy,bringing
ourreuniontoaquickdeath,andpulledbackintoVan’sarms.

“Stayclosetome,Ronni.Idon’tknoweveryonehere,andI’mnottakingachance

ofyougettinghurt,”hewhispers,tighteninghisgriponmywaist.

Afteramorningofnearsilence,thesoundofhimtalkingtomecausesgoosebumps

tocrawlalongmyarms.Ireplaythewords,tryingtofigureoutifhewouldtrulybeupset
ifsomethinghappenedtome.Ilookdeepintohissky-blueeyes,wonderingifhereally
caresaboutmeorifheisjustdoinghisdutytomyfather.Isearchthem,lookingformy
answer,butIcan’tdecipherwhatIsee.

“Iwon’tgotoofar,butIwanttospendsometimewithmyfriends,”Isay,hoping

likehellhewillgivemethechancetohavealittlefun.

HelookstowardAddythenbacktomebeforefinallynodding.“Iwannabeableto

seeyouatalltimes.”

Addydoesn’tgivehimasecondtochangehismind,justgrabsmyhandandpullsme

tothebar.Withinaminuteortwo,wearesittingdownwithashotoftequilainfrontof
eachofus.Ourlaughterstartsafterthesecondshot.Bythefifth,wearebothgigglingso
hardwecanbarelykeepourassesonthestool.

“You’rehere,”Trixsquealsasshewalksthroughthedoor.

“Isuream,”Ireply,myeyesgluedtoherroundedstomachasshewalksmyway.

“Haveyoubeenkeepingasecretfromme?”

Shestopsafewfeetfromme,layingherhandsonhertummy.“Notexactly.”

Islideoffthebarstool,walkingthedistancebetweenusandwrappingmyarms

aroundher.Itfeelsgreathavingmyarmsaroundmyfriendagain,anditfeelsevenbetter
knowingshehasanewlifegrowinginsideher.

Whenweseparate,shestartstoexplainherself.“IfoundoutIwaspregnantabouta

monthafteryourmomdied.Iwantedtotellyou,butitdidn’tfeelrightcallingyou.Ifelt
guilty,beingallhappywhenyoujustlostyourmom.”

Trixcalledmerightaftermomdied.Shetoldmeaboutlosinghermom,toldmehow

thepainneverwentaway,butitdidgeteasiertodealwithastimepassed.Iwantedtotell
herthathermomandminewereasdifferentasnightandday.IwantedhertoknowthatI
wouldnevershedatearforthewomanthatgavemelife.Instead,Ijustlistenedandlether
comfortmeasonlyafriendcan.

“Iunderstand,butthetruthisIcould’veusedthegoodnews.It’sbeencrazyashell

thelastfewmonths,andsomethinglikethiswould’vebeengoodtohear,”Itellher,not
wantinghertofeelanyguilt.“I’mhappyforyou,Trix,reallyhappy.”

Shesmiles,followingmebacktothebar.AddyandIthrowbackanothershotasTrix

sipsonaSprite.Theentiretime,wearegabbinglikelonglostfriends.Iknowthey
wonderwhyI’mstayingwithmydad’sclub,butIkeepmymouthshut,knowingVan
doesn’twantanyonetoknow.

AsmuchasIhatetoadmitit,hatetothinkpeoplethatIconsiderfriendscouldstab

meintheback,Iknowthatpeoplewilldocrazyshitformoney.ThekindofmoneyI’m
goingtobeworthinafewmonthscouldevenmakethebestoffriendsturnonme.It’s
bestjusttokeepmymouthshutaboutthewholemess.

It’snotthatIdon’ttrustAddyorTrix,becauseIdo.Icouldtalktothemabout

anything.TherealreasonIkeepmymouthshutisIjustdon’twanttotalkaboutit.Idon’t
evenwanttothinkaboutit.ThelessIworryrightnow,thebetteroffIam.

“AreyoufuckingVanyet?”Addyasks,awickedgrinonherface.“Please,please,

pleasetellmeyouarefuckingthatpieceofmancandy.”

Ismilebackandshrug.“Youknowhowitis.Youseeahotguy,realizehe’spacking

someheat,andyourpantiesjustfalltothefloor.”

“Amen,sister,”Trixshouts,causingtheprospectbehindthebartochuckle.“Been

there,donethatshit.”

Addyleanscloseandwhispers,“Isheasgoodashelooks.”

Mymindgoesbacktohavinghimglideinandoutofme,andIcan’tstopmyself

fromlookingovermyshoulderandlookingathim.Heisgorgeous,absolutelyfucking
gorgeous.Hisauburnhairisinamessofwaves,lettingeveryonethatseeshimknowthat
hejustgotoffhisbike.Rightnow,Iwantnothingmorethantorunmyhandsthrough
thosewaves,whileIbeghimtofuckmeharder.

“Evenbetter,somuchbetter.”Ibreathedeeply,needfillingmybody.“Neverhad

anyonelikehiminmylife,notevenonce.”

Tryingtocalmmyraginglust,Iasktheprospecttobringmeanothershot,telling

himtoleavethebottlebehind.Then,IstartansweringTrixandAddy’squestionswithas
muchdetailasIcan.Beforelong,theystarttalkingabouttheiroldmen.Wecompare
storiesbackandforth,tryingtooutdotheother.

I’monmyseventhshotwhenapairofarmswrapsaroundmywaist.Forasecond,I

assumeit’sVanandmeltintothem.Itakeadeepbreath,readytoturnaroundandkiss
him,butthescentthathitsmynosecausesmetofreeze.It’snotVan.Thereisno
underlyingscentofleatherandbourbonthatseemstosurroundhim.Instead,it’sa
sandalwoodscentthatIgotupcloseandpersonalwithonmylastvisit.

AsIattempttopulloutoftheman’sembrace,hejerksmearoundinhisarms.My

eyeslandonScout,aGrimBastardthatIknowreallywell.Ifitwasn’tforVan,Iwould
probablygettoknowhimevenbetterthisvisit.BeforeIcanutterasoundofprotest,his
lipsareonmine.Thetastehitsme,remindingmeofhowgoodhecanmakemefeel,andI
can’tholdbackamoanfromslippingout.

Mybrainclicksbackinplace,knowingheisn’ttheoneIwant,andIstarttopush

himaway.BeforeIcanevengivehimashove,Iamyankedfromhisarms.Thenext
second,I’mplasteredtoVan’sside,andheisglaringatScout.Theangerradiatingoffof
himisenoughtocausemyhearttoskipabeat.

“Iwas…”Istarttoexplain,makingsureheknowsthatScoutwasn’thurtingmeand

thatitwon’thappenagain.

HecutsmeoffbeforeIcanfinish,andthewordsthatcomeoutofhismouthmake

myworldspin.“She’smine.”

ChapterSixteen

Van

TheGrimBastardshavebeenworkingwithaclubinTexas,bringingingunsfrombelow
theborder,forafewyearsnow.Thatclubpulledoutofthistrip,leavingtheBastardswith
morethantheycouldhandle.Thisshipmentisdifferentthanwhattheyareusedtoand
muchriskier.It’salsoworthafuckofalotmoremoney.Evenwithtwoclubsinvolved,
we’rebothgoingtogetoursandthensome.

“Youdecidedwhoyou’llbesendingyet?”Bozasksfromacrosshisdeskashe

motionsforoneofhismentobringhimabeer.

Bothclubsaresendingeightbrotherseach.Onemanfromeachclubwillbeinthe

truckwiththeguns.Therewillbefourdecoytruckswithadriverineach,andthe
remainingmenwillbeworkingtogethertomakesureourboysaresafe.It’sacomplicated
plan,completelyfuckingcomplex,butit’sassafeaswecanmakeit.

“Yeah,wedecidedbeforeTitoturnedhimselfin.They’reallgoodmen,gottheballs

todowhatneedstobedone,buttheyhaven’twornourcutlong,”ItellhimasItakethe
bottlehandedmyway.“Thelocalboysinblueknowus.Fuck,eventhestatepoliceknow
us.Ifwordgotoutthatagroupofusleftatonce,they’dstartsniffingaround.Ifiguredit
wouldbesafertosendmentheydidn’tknowaswell.”

“Smartplan.I’mgonnadothesamedamnthing.”Boznodshisheadin

understanding.“BrewusuallyheadsuptheshipmentscominginfromTexas,butIdecided
tokeepmyofficersclosetohomeforthisone.”

Thisshithastogoright.Ifnot,itwillleaveahellofalotofboysgivingtheirlives

uptoourjudicialsystem.Nottomention,itwillcostbothourclubsashitloadofmoney.
We’vediscussedwhatneedstohappentomakesureourshipmentsgoasplanned.Fuck,
we’vegoneovereverydamndetailuntilit’sbrandedintomybrain.It’snecessary,though.
It’snewforallofus,transportingthismuch,butit’llbeworthit.Ifitturnsoutwell,itjust
meansmoreshipmentswillcomealonglater.

“Communicationiskeytomakingthisshitwork.Theboysontheroadneedtobe

abletotalktoeachother,andwesureashellneedtoknowwhatisgoingon,”Isaybefore
takingaswallowofbeer.

“You’reright,butthat’sgonnabethetrickypart,”Boz’sVPsaysfromhisspot

leaningagainstBoz’sdesk.“Doesn’tmatterwhatweuse,phoneortheradio.Thatshitcan

belistenedtoandendupleadingtheheatrighttoourmen.”

EversinceRonniexplainedhowherphoneworked,Ihaven’tbeenabletogetthat

shitoutofmyhead.Ifwecouldgetherfriendtoteachourtechmanhowtodoit,itsurein
thehellwouldmakethistripafuckofaloteasieroneveryone.Ihaven’tdiscusseditwith
Titoyet.Iplanontalkingtohimaboutitafterwegetbackhome,butthereisnodoubtin
mymindhe’llsayyes.

“IthinkI’vegotawayaroundthat,”Istate,lookingaroundtheroomandeyeing

eachoneofBoz’sofficers.“Imayhaveawaytogetholdofsomephonesthatcan’tbe
tracked.Notjustburnerphones.Thesefuckersaretotallyuntraceable.”

IgoontoexplaineverythingIsawwithRonni’sphone,notmentioningmywoman

orherfriend’sname.Idescribehowhernumberisconstantlychanging,showingupas
randomnumberseachtimeshecalls.Theystartaskingquestions,andIsupplythemwith
whatIknow,shruggingwhenIdon’thavetheanswerstheyseek.

“Ihaven’ttalkedtothewomanyet,butIplanonhavinghervisittheclubinthenext

weekortwo.I’llgetallmyanswersthen,”Isaywithafirmnod.

“Iwanttomeetthisbitch,gethertoteachmeafewtricks,”theGrimBastards’

treasurersays,jumpingupfromhisspotontherattycouchinthecorner.“Wouldyouhave
aproblemwithmeridingupandtalkingtoher?”

“Idoubtitwouldbeaproblem,butI’llhavetotalktoTitofirst,”Iexplainwith

anothernod.“Ihaven’tevengothisgo-aheadonbringingherin.IneedthatbeforeIcan
startissuinginvites.”

“Letmeknowwhenyougetthego-ahead,andI’llbethere,”hereplies,sittingback

downonthecouch.

“MeandtheboyswillbeinIndianaassoonasTitogetsout.We’llironouttherest

ofthisshitwhenwegetthere,”Bozcutsin,bringingeveryone’sattentiontohim.
“Anythingcanhappen,butIthinkwe’vegotahandleonthis.Workingtogether,we’re
gonnaputafuck-loadofcashintoallourpockets.”

Ourclubshavebeenfriendlyforyears,butwe’veneverworkedtogetherbefore.But

whenBozcametous,needingourhelp,Titowasmorethanwillingtojoinforces.If
everythingworksout,thiswillbebeneficialtobothclubs.Nottomention,itisalways
goodtohavealliesintheworldwelivein.

“Yes,wewill.”Inod,feelingbetteraboutthisshipment.

Afterthat,theroomgoesquiet.Hiseyesarelockedonme,andit’seasytoseethey

arefilledwithquestions.Iwanttoaskhimwhatthefuckisonhismind.Instead,Ilean
backinmychairandwaitforhimtoaskwhatheneeds.

Heleansforward,placinghisforearmsdownonhisdesk.“HaveyougotVeronica’s

shitsortedyet?”

Icockmybrowandattempttobluffhim.“Whatshitareyoutalkingabout?”

Hislipstipup,thebaresttraceofasmileonhisface,andhesays,“Thisshitwithher

brother.Haveyoufoundthatfuckeryet?”

Fuck,Itoldhertokeephermouthshut.Iwentoveritwithheramilliondamntimes,

tellinghernottotrustanyone.Hereweare,intheGrimBastards’clubhouseforonlya
fewhours,andBozalreadyknowswhatisgoingdown.

“Respect,man,butthatisnoneofyourfuckingbusiness,”Isay,tryingtokeepmy

angerincheck.

Bozliftshischin,givingmehisrespect,andsays,“Itwasmademybusinesswhen

yourmancalledinoneoftheGrimBastards’charterstohelphim.”

ItrytokeepmyfacestraightasItakeinhiswords,wonderingwhatthefuckheis

talkingabout.NoonesaidshitaboutgettingtheBastardsinvolvedinthisclusterfuck.I
don’tlikethisshit,donotlikeitonefuckingbit.I’mtheVP,andshitlikethisissupposed
toberunthroughme.Whenit’snot,Ienduplookinglikeafuckingidiot.

“Notsurewhatyou’retalkingabout,Boz,”Isay,spittingoutthewordsin

frustration.

“That’snotsurprisingsincewejusttooktheclubonasacharter.It’sstillin

transition,sonotmanypeopleknowthattheboysinVegasarenowpartofus,”he
explains,givingmeaclearpictureofwhathappened.“Whenyourmancalledinforback-
up,myboyscalledmeandletmeknowwhatwasgoingon.Itdidn’ttakeageniustoputit
together,consideringRiotMCwantedtheirhelptogettheirhandsonVeronica’sbrother.”

IwanttobepissedatWalkerfornotgivingmeaheadsup,butit’sdoubtfulheeven

realizedthathewasworkingwiththeGrimBastards.Whenclubstransition,thatshitis
usuallykeptonlockdownuntilitisdone.Itcanbealongfuckingroad.Powerchanges
alwaysare.

“Ididn’tknowyouwereexpanding,”Istate,tryingtofocusthesubjectonanything

butRonni.

“Ididn’teither,not‘tilithappened,”hesays,asliverofasmileonhisface.“Now,

areyougonnatellmeifyougotVeronica’sshitstraightyet?”

Itakeadeepbreath,forcingmyselftostaycalm.“We’reworkingonit.”

Heslowlynods,nevertakinghiseyesfrommine.“Mywomanthinkstheworldof

Veronica,andthereareonlyafewfuckingbitchesinthisworldTrixwouldevenwasteher
breathspeakingto.Nottomention,IhavemadrespectforTito,soifyouneedusforany
fuckingthing,we’llbethere.”

“Appreciateit.”Itakehiswordsinwithanod.“But,rightnow,Ithinkwe’vegotit

covered.Ifthatchanges,you’llbegettingacall.”

Heliftshischinmywaythenpusheshischairbackandstandsup.“I’llthinkon

everythingtonight.We’llmeetinthemorningwhenBrassandTazaren’tgettingtheir
rocksoff.We’llfinalizewhatwecanthen.”

Ourmeetingwasn’tsupposedtohappenuntilthemorning.Myboyscameinand

wentdirectlytotheclubwhores.Ididn’tcareatthetime,butitpissedmethefuckoff
whenBozdecidedtohavethislittlesit-down,andneitherofthemwasaround.

“Soundsgoodtome,”Ireply,givinghimanod.

Signalingtheendofthemeeting,hestartswalkingtothedoor.Ifollowbehindhim,

trailedbyhisofficers,aswemakeourwayintothecommonroomincompletesilence.As
soonaswewalkintothesmoke-filledroom,myeyesarepulledtoRonni.

She’sstandingatthebar,surroundedbytheBastards’oldladies,stilltossingback

shots.Shehasahugeasssmileonherface,drawingeveryonetoherlikefliestohoney.
Ronnialwaysseemssoathome,nomatterwheresheis.Whetherit’sthisclub,ourown
clubhouse,orevenatmyhouse,shejustfitsin.

She’sdifferentfromanywomanI’veeverknown,andI’veknownplentyofbitches

inmytime.Mymindisalwaysmakingcomparisons,comparinghertothewomenI’ve
known—mymom,Regina,eventheclubwhoresIsinkmydickinto.ThemoreI’m
aroundher,Irealizethatwasthewrongthingtodo.Sheisnothinglikethem,nota
fuckingthing.

Ronniisunique,special,abreedofherown.She’sgreatwithCline,takestoclublife

likeafishtowater,andgivesgreatheadtoboot.She’sperfect,absolutelyfuckingperfect.
She’dmakeonehellofanoldlady,anditdoesn’ttakeageniustorealizeIneedtomake
hermine.

Myeyesarestillonherwhenthemanshewaskissingearlierslidesintothebarstool

besideher.Shesmilesathimbutquicklyturnsherfocusbacktoherfriends.Hedoesn’t
giveup,leaningcloserandwhisperinginherear.Anothersmilegracesherfacebeforeshe
shakesherheadathiswords.Hesayssomethingelsethenreachesupandcupsherjaw.A
growlworksitswayupmythroatandfillstheairaroundme.Itakeastepintheir
direction,determinedtotearthefucker’sarmoff,butI’mstoppedbyahandonmy
shoulder.

“Can’tletyoukilloneofmybrothers,”Bozsayswithashakeofhishead.

“Notgonnakillhim,justteachhimalesson,”Isay,jerkingawayfromhim.“Itold

himshewasmine,andhe’sstillfuckingwithher,sohedeservesalittlepain.”

BozlooksatmeforasecondthenmoveshiseyestoRonni.“Hatetopointoutthe

obvious,butshe’snotwearingyourcut.Idon’tknowhowthingsworkwithRiot,but
here,thatmakesherfreegame.”

Fuck,he’sright.Iliftmychin,lettinghimknowIunderstandandwalkthedistance

separatingmefromthewomanIwant.Givingthefuckernexttoherahardlook,Ipullher
offthebarstoolandintomyarms.Islammylipsonhers,claimingherforeveryoneto
see,thenpullheroutoftheroom.Bythetimewe’vereachedthehallway,sheis
squirminginmyhold.

“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”sheasks,confusionfillingherbigbrowneyes.

Notwillingtotellherwhatisreallyonmymind,Igiveheracockysmile.“Mydick

hasbeenhardsinceIwokeupwithyourasssnuggledagainstit.Sinceyoumadeitthis
way,figureditwastimeyoudidsomethingaboutit.”

Thelookofconfusionfades,quicklyreplacedwithneed.“Icandothat.”

Hereasyacceptancehasmestopping,rightthereinthehallway,andbringingmy

lipstohersonceagain.Whenhertastehitsme,IknowI’mdone.Thisistheonewoman

forme,andI’mgonnamakedamnsureI’mtheonemanforher.Ikissher,hardanddeep,
andhopelikefuckI’mnotmakingthebiggestmistakeofmylife.

ChapterSeventeen

Van

Afterbringingmybiketoastopinfrontoftheclubhouse,Iclimboffandwalkstraight
intothehole,notbotheringtostopandsayhellotomybrothers.I’vespentthewhole
fuckingdayontheroad,ridingbackfromourvisitwiththeGrimBastards.Ihadplanned
tospendthenightathomeinbedwithRonniuntilWalkercalledandletmeknowhehas
Miles.Now,Ihavetodealwiththisshit.

BeingattheBastards’clubhousehelpedmeseethelight.It’sgoingtobehard

makingTitoseethelight,butRonniismine.IwantherinawaythatI’veneverwanted
anyotherwoman.Iwantherinandoutofbed,inmylife,dayinanddayout.Noteven
thethreatofTito’sangerisgonnachangethat.

AsIwalkthroughthecrowdofpeoplefillingthecompound,Itrytoforcethoughts

ofRonnioutofmymind.Afewofmybrothersgivemealookthatletsmeknowthey
understandwhatisgoingdown.Iignorethem,mymindfocusedonthefuckerthatIam
abouttointerrogate.OnceIgettothehiddendoor,Ijerkitopenandclimbdownthe
stairs.

Idon’tevenmakeittothebottomofthestepsbeforethebastard’smuffledscreams

reachmyears.AssoonasIstepintothelight,IseethatWalkerhashispreychainedtothe
floor.Heisbleedingfromhismouthandnosebutstilllooksalotbetterthanmostofmy
brother’svictims.Hestillhasallofhisbodyparts.ThatisalwaysapluswhereWalkeris
concerned.Mybrotherhasahabitoftakingmenapart,piecebypiece.

“Theassholethinkshe’sgoingtobeabletotakehissecretstothegravewithhim.

I’veworkedhimover,buthe’skeepinghislipssealed,”WalkersaysassoonasIstepinto
theroom.“Hewon’tadmittoanything,saysheknowsnothingaboutputtingahiton
Tito’sdaughter.Heseemstothinkkeepingquietwillsavehislife.”

Walkeriscold,allthewaytothebone.Noone,notevenme,knowshisstory.Weall

knowhecomesfromTexasbutnothingmore.HejoinedRiotMCafewyearsago,quickly
risingthroughtheranks.Alittlelessthanayearago,heearnedtheclubEnforcerspatch.
Heisgoodatgettinganswers,evenwhenthepersonsupplyingthoseanswersisunwilling
tohandthemovereasily.Nothing,notadamnthing,istoodirtyforhim.

“Iknowheknowsmorethanhe’sgivingup,”hestates,shakinghishead.“Whatdo

youthinkweshoulddo,VP?”

“Guesswe’regonnahavetoteachthefuckerdifferently.”Notmissingabeat,Ismirk

attheassholeonthefloorandsay,“He’sgonnadieeitherway.Weneedtomakesurehe
understandsthat,ifhetellsusthetruth,thatdeathisgonnabelesspainful.Ifnot,thedick
isgonnadiescreaming.”

TitoplannedonBrassandIteachingthisbastardalesson,butImadeotherplans.

NottrustinganyonebutBrasstowatchRonni,Ilefthimatthehousetomakesuremy
womanwassecureanddecidedWalkercouldworkasback-up.Idon’tevenneedhimfor
thisshit.Icanbreakthisdickheadonmyown.

Walkingovertohishead,Iglaredownathim.“Youthinkyou’rebetterthanus.

AlwaystriedyourbesttomakeRonnifeellessthanyoufornootherreasonthanherdad
wasabiker,butyou’regonnadiebythehandsofadirtybiker.”

Ronnihastalkedabouthimalotoverthelastfewweeks,tellingmehowhetrash-

talkedTitoallthetime.Shetoldmehowhegotofftalkingaboutherdad,puttinghim
down,andmakingherfeellikeshit.HecalledTitoeverythingfromacriminaltoapiece
oftrash,sayingthesameshitoverandoveruntilhemadehercry.Everytimeshetriedto
takeupforherfather,triedtosayhewasagoodman,shegotintroublewithhermother
andstepdad.Sheexplainedhowheseemedtogetoffonherpunishmentlikeheenjoyed
watchinghergetintrouble.Iwanttomakehimpayforeverytearsheshed.

Milestriestotalk,butthegaginhismouthmuffleshiswords,agagmadefroma

kindofbandanaeverybikerusestokeepfrominhalingdust.Ismile,lovingthefactthat
hehasbeenrenderedmutewithnothingmorethanapieceofcloth.Iwanthimtochoke
oneveryspeckofdustthatclothhasseen.

Iplacemybootonhisneckandpressdown,makingsurehefeelsthepressure.

“Howdoesitfeel,knowingapersonyouconsidertrashisgoingtotakeyouout?”

Whenhestartsturningblue,Walkerlayshishandonmyshoulder.“Titoreallywants

thepleasureofendinghislife.That’snotgonnahappenifyoudon’tmoveyourfoot.”

Islowlyletoffthepressure,notmovingmybootoffhisneck.“WhyshouldthePres

gettohaveallthefun?”

Walkerchuckles,turningaway.Iwatchashewalksawayandgrabsablowtorch

fromthewall.Ikeepmyeyestrainedonhimashelooksaround,finallyfindingtheRiot
MCbrand.Asmilespreadsacrossmylipswhenhegrabsit.Whenheturnsaround,and
hiseyesmeetmine,IrealizeImadetherightchoice.Brassisruthless,butWalkeristhe
perfectmanforthisjob.He’sjustcoldenoughtogetthisjobdone.

Hewalksbacktomysideandasks,“Whereshouldwestart?”

Ithinkabouthisquestion,rememberingallthestoriesRonnitoldme.“Ithinkwe

shouldstartwithhisballs.Ronnitoldmeheusedtowalkinonherallthefuckingtime
whenshewasintheshower.”

Whenshewastellingmeaboutherchildhood,I’mnotsuresheevenpickedupon

thefascinationherstepbrotherhadwithher.Ifshehadbeenabletoseethingsalittle
clearer,I’msureshewouldhaverealizedthatthisfuckerwantedmorethantoaggravate
her.Ihaveaclearpicture,though.Nodoubtinmymind,thepervertwantedtofuckher,

evenwhenshewastooyoungtoknowwhatthewordsexmeant.

“Soundsgoodtome,”Walkersays,firinguptheblowtorch.“I’veneverbranded

anyone’sballsbefore.Shouldbefun.”

Milesstartsthrashingaround,tryingtotalkthroughhisgag.Iwatchhimfora

minute,enjoyinghisstruggle.IcanimaginehowscaredRonniwaseachandeverytime
thisassholetormentedher,andIlovethathe’sgettingalittlepayback.Iletitgoonfora
minuteortwobeforebendingdownandpullingthegagfromhismouth.

“Yougotsomethingtosay,littleman?”Iask,hopinghewillwaitalittlelonger

beforebreaking.“Areyougonnabealittlebitchandcrackbeforeweevencauseyouany
realpain?Areyounotevenarealman?”

“I’lltellyouanythingyouwanttoknow.”Helooksupatme,hispupilssolargeI

can’tevendeterminethecolorofhiseyes.

Squatting,Ilowermyheadtoonlyafewinchesabovehis.“Mywomandealtwith

yourshitforyears,andshewasjustakid.Hereyouare,agrownman,andyou’regonna
breakafterjustafewhoursofdealingwiththesameshit.”

AsmuchasIwanttheinformationhehastogive,Iwantthistolastalittlelonger.I

needtocausehimalittlepain.Fuck,hedeservesahellofalotofpain.Iwanttogivehim
atasteofwhatheandtherestofthosefuckersputRonnithrough.Ifhebreaksnow,I’ll
neverevengettogivehimatasteofwhatshedealtwith.

“I’lltellyouwhateveryouwant.I’lltellyoueverything,justdon’thurtme

anymore,”hepleads,tearspouringdownhischeeks.

Disgusted,Istandandshakemyhead.“Areyoureallysuchapussythatyou’dspill

everything?Mostfuckersatleastholdfirmuntilaftertheblowtorch.Walkerhasn’teven
touchedyouwiththetorch,andyou’realreadyreadytospill.”

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing,brother?”Walkerasksinahushedvoice,lookingback

andforthbetweenMilesandme.“Ithoughtwewantedtoknowwhathehadplanned.If
he’swillingtogivetheanswers,Ithinkweshouldlisten.”

Fuck,he’sright.Ineedtogetahandleonmytemper.TheonlywaytokeepRonni

safeistoknowwhatthisfuckerhassetinplace.Withoutthatinformation,we’regoing
intothisfightblind.Knowingthatdoesn’thelpmecontrolmyanger,though.Rightnow,
allIcanfeelistheurgetokillthismotherfucker.Mybrainjustcan’tfocusontheend
game.

“I’mgonnaheadhome,”Isay,knowingI’mnotgoingtobeanyhelptoWalker.“I’ll

sendBrasstohelpyouout.”

Notgivinghimtimetorespond,Ihitthestairsandheadout.Mymindisnotinthe

rightplaceforthisshit.MyheartissetongettingrevengefortheyearsofshitRonnilived
throughinsteadofgettingtheanswersweneed.

Walkerfollowsme,stoppingmejustbeforeIreachthetopofthestairs.“Areyou

okay,brother?”

“No.”Ilookbackathimandshakemyhead.“Thatbastardhelpedhisfatherand

Ronni’smommakeherfeellikeshiteverydayofherlife.AllIwanttodoistakehisass
out.IfIstayinthere,that’sexactlywhatI’mgonnado.”

Heissilentforasecondbeforesaying,“Givemeafewminutestogetthe

informationIneed.Then,Icangiveyouafewminutesalonewithhim.Ifhe’sgonewhen
Igetback,wecanalwayssayhisheartgaveout.”

Ismile,knowingmybrotheristryingtogivemewhathecan.“Youdowhatyou’ve

gottado.I’llgetmyrevengelater.”

“Yousure?”heasks,morethanwillingtoletmetakethefuckerout.

Ithinkforasecond,fightingtheurgetowalkbackinthereandputabulletinthe

asshole’shead.“Yeah,I’llwaitforTito.AsmuchasIwanttotakehimout,Titodeserves
theopportunitytodoithimself.”

Withthat,Iwalkaway,headingformybike.Onethingisonmymind:gettingback

tomywomansoIcanholdherinmyarms.

ChapterEighteen

Van

Mybikecomestoastopinfrontofthehouse,andIcanstillfeelangerboilinginsideme.I
haveneverpunkedoutbefore,notonefuckingtime.That’sexactlywhatIdidtonight.I
couldn’tholdmyshittogetherlongenoughtodowhatwasneeded.Idon’tknowwhatthe
hellishappeningtome,andIhavenoideahowthefuckI’mgonnafacemybrothers
tomorrow.They’regoingtothinktheirVPhasturnedintoapussy-whippedcoward.At
thispoint,I’dprobablyagreewiththem.

Gettingoffmybike,Istompuptothefrontdoor,putmykeyinthelock,andsling

thedooropen.Inmyanger,Isendthedoorcrashingintothewallsodamnhardthatthe
doorknobcrashesthroughthesheetrock.Iwince,knowingI’llhavetofixthatshitinthe
morning.Agrowlcomesfrommyleft,andIturnmyheadjustintimetoseeDenverand
Brassrushingoutofthelivingroom.

Brasshashispieceheldinhishand,pointingitdirectlyatme.Whenoureyesmeet,

hegrowlslowinhisthroatandmumbles,“fuck,”beforeputtinghisgunbackinhis
waistband.AssoonasDenverseesthatit’sme,heturnsandgoesbackintotheother
room.

“Whatthefuck,brother?”hesays,runningashakinghandthroughhishair.“You’re

luckyIdidn’tputabulletbetweenyourfuckingeyes.”

Fuck,he’sright.Iknewhewasinhere,knewhewasguardingRonni.Knowingmy

brotherthewayIdo,Ialsoknewhewasarmedandmorethanwillingtopullthetrigger.I
shouldhavecalledouttheallclearassoonasIwalkedinthedoor.Thisisjustanother
thingthatshowsIdon’thavemyshittogether.

“Sorry,brother,”Imumble,walkingpasthimandheadingstraighttothekitchen.

“I’vegotalotofshitonmymindandwasn’tthinkingstraight.”

Pullingabottleofeighteen-year-oldJamesonfromthetopofthefridge,Iwalkover

tothecabinetandpulloutaglass.Afterfillingitup,Iswallowbacktheliquidgoldand
plopdowninoneofthekitchenchairs.Ipourmoreintotheglassanddrainitasquicklyas
possiblethenfillitupagain.IdownthatonebeforelookingbackatBrass.

Hecrosseshisarmsandasks,“Youwanttotellmewhat’supyourass?”

“IneedyoutogodownandhelpWalkergetsomeanswersfromMiles,”Iorder,not

willingtoanswerhisquestion.

Hegivesmealookfilledwithconfusionbeforeasking,“Whyaren’tyoutheone

gettinganswers?”

That’stwoinarow.AshisVP,itisn’thisplacetoaskmequestions.Asmyfriend,I

understandwhyhewantstoknow.OnlyforthatreasonwillIletthisshitslide.Iwantedto
talktoMiles,madesureeveryoneknewIwasgoingtobegettingtheinformationwe
neededfromhim.ChangingmymindnowwillleaveeveryonewithquestionsthatI’ll
havetoanswer.

“It’sbeenalongfuckingnight,brother,”Igrowl,notquitewillingtoanswerhis

questionjustyet.

Cockingabrow,heasks,“Yougonnatellmeaboutit?”

Ilookupathimforjustasecondbeforeturningbacktothebottle.Ipourmyself

anotherglassofJamesonandsuckthefieryliquiddownmythroat,hopingitwillburnthe
feelingofdisgustfrommybody.Ofcourse,itdoesn’thelp.

“Icouldn’tdoit,couldn’tlistentohisvoicewithoutsnappinghisfuckingneck.

EverydamntimeIlookedathim,allIcouldthinkaboutwasthebastardtryingtokillmy
woman,”Isay,feelingmyangerratchetuptopurefury.

“Fuck,brother,”Brassmumbles,leaningagainstthedoorjam.

“Shedoesn’ttalkaboutherpastalot,barelyevenmentionsitatall.Whenshedoes

letsomethingslip,Icanreadthepaininhereyes,”Itellhim,thinkingofherdeepbrown
eyes.“Havingamotherlikemine,mychildhoodwasprettyfuckedup,butitdidn’tholda
candletotheshitRonnihadtoputupwith.”

IthinkbackoneverythingshehassaidandeverythingthatTitohastoldmeoverthe

years.Frustrationfillsme,knowingthereisn’tafuckingthingIcandotochangeanyof
thatshitnow.Icouldhavemadethefuckerpay,couldhavemadehimfeelalittlepain.
Instead,Ilostcontrolandhadtowalkaway.

“Whatkindofmandoesthatmakeme,Brass?Whatkindofmancan’tkeephisshit

togethertogetajobdone?”

HecockshisbrowwhenIcallRonnimywoman,buthedoesn’tmentionit.“The

kindofmanthatissmartenoughtoseehisownweaknessanddowhatheneedstodoto
fixthesituation.Ithinkthat’sthebestkindofmanIknow.”

Ineverthoughtofitlikethat;hemightberight.Weallhaveaweakness,andmineis

definitelyanger.KnowingwhenI’mabouttoletloose,andbeingwillingtowalkaway,is
afuckofalotbetterthanjustexplodingandfuckingupeverything.

Givinghimashrug,Isay,“Well,gotakecareofwhatIcouldn’t.Findoutwhatever

informationyoucan.PussyfuckerwasaboutreadytosqueallikeapigwhenWalker
broughtouttheblowtorch,soitshouldn’ttakemuch.I’dbelyingifIsaiditwouldhurt
myfeelingsifheendedupwithatleastoneofourbrands.Maybeyoucouldleavehim
withafewmorebruisesbeforeTitogetshishandsonhim.”

“Youcanconsideritdone,brother,”Brasssays,givingmeachinliftthenturning

andwalkingaway.

Afterhewalksoutthedoor,Ilookaroundthekitchen.Justacoupleofweeksago,

thisroomwasbareofanythingbutthenecessities.Now,thecountersarecoveredwithone
kitchengadgetafteranother.Spiceslinethebackofthestove,andabottleofbrightoil
withpeppersfloatinginitsitsnearthemicrowave.Ronnihasturnedtheroomintoa
chef’skitchen,herkitchen,andthatbringsasmiletomyface.

Standingup,Iputawaythebottleandlockupthehousethenheadupstairs.Not

wantingtowakeupRonni,Iclimbintotheshowerinthehallbathroomandquicklyclean
theroaddustfrommybody.OnceI’mdoneanddriedoff,Iwrapmytowelaroundmeand
headtomybedroom.

I’mmorethanreadytocrawlintobedwithRonni.Afterbeingsonearthebastard

thatwantedherdead,Ineedtohaveherinmyarms.Iwanttoreassuremyselfthatshe’s
alive,safe,andbreathing.Maybe,whenIamsureofhersafety,Iwillbeabletogetridof
theangerthatisweighingmedown.

WhenIgetintothebedroom,Iwalkthefamiliarstepstomydresserinthedark,not

wantingtobotherwithturningonthelight.Igrabapairofboxersoutofthetopdrawer
andslidethemupmylegsbeforewalkingovertothebedandpullingtheblanketsback.
OnlywhenIlaydowndoIrealizeRonniisn’tlyingbesideme.Mytemperflaresonce
again,notbelievingthisshit,andIjumpoutofbed.

Thereisnodoubtinmymindthatshe’sintheotherbedroom,theoneshehadbeen

sleepinginbeforewewenttoTennessee.Myonlyquestioniswhy?Isshetryingtodrawa
lineinthesand,tryingtotellmeshedoesn’twantmore?Didwenotalreadycrossthat
line?IthoughtImadeitclearthatIwantedmore.Ishakethosethoughtsaway,knowingit
doesn’tmatter.Shemaynotwantthisshitwithme,butshe’sgoingtogetitanyway.

Stormingoutofmybedroom,Istompdownthehallandopenherdoor.AssoonasI

stepinside,IseeRonniasleeponthebed,themoonlightilluminatingherbeautifulface.

ChapterNineteen

Veronica

I’mpulledawakewhenstrongarmswraparoundmeanddragmefrommywarmbed.I
blinkinconfusion,tryingtofigureoutwhatinthehellisgoingon.Finally,I’mableto
focusonVan’sface.Heisn’tlookingatme.Instead,heisstaringstraightaheadashe
carriesmeoutofmyroom.Afewsecondslater,weareinhisroom,andheisplacingme
onhisbed.

“What’sgoingon?”Iaskinasleep-roughenedvoice.

Hecrawlsintothebedandpullsmeagainsthisside.“Don’ttrythatshitagain.You

sleepinherewithmealways.”

Ittakesaminuteforhiswordstomaketheirwaythroughmytiredmind.Whenthey

do,Ipickeachoneapart,tryingtofigureoutexactlywhathemeans.Doeshemeannow,
untilDadgetsoutofjail,ordoeshemeanforever?Ihavetoadmit,Iwantforever.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Iask,stillfeelingconfused.

“Youbelonginmybed,notintheotherroom,”hestates,runninghishandthrough

myhair.“Tomorrow,Iwantyoutomoveyourstuffinhere.”

Wehavespentthelastfewnightssharingabed,butthatwasdifferent.Wewereat

theclubhouseandthenwiththeGrimBastards.We’rehomenow,ahomeheshareswith
hisdaughter.Shemaynotbeherenow,butshewillbebacksoon.Ijustassumedhewould
wantmebackinmybedroomsoClinewouldn’taskanyquestions.

“WhataboutwhenClinegetshome?”Iask,wonderingifIwillhavetomovebackto

theotherroom.

Hisbodygoestautforamomentbeforeherelaxesandsays,“I’lltalktoher,lether

knowthingshavechanged.Shewon’tbeupset.”

I’vedatedmorethanmyfairshareofguys,butnonehaveevermademewantmore

thanalittlefun.IalwaysknewIwouldsettledownsomeday,getmarriedandstarta
family,butInevermetanyonethatIwantedthosethingswith.WithVan,Iwant
everything.IwanthimandClineandalltheyarewillingtogiveme.

Unabletoholdbackmyquestion,Iask,“Whatarewedoinghere,Van?Isthisjust

temporary,somethingtohelppassthetime‘tilDadcomeshome,orarewestarting
somethingthatcouldlast?”

“I’mnotsure,”heanswers,causingmyhearttocrumble.“Fuck,Idon’tknowwhat

thehellI’mdoinganymore.”

Ipullaway,knowingIneedtoputsomedistancebetweenusbeforeI’mleftwitha

brokenheart.Mybodymovesnomorethananinchwhenherollsoverandgrabsme.
BeforeIcanevenblink,heisontopofme,lookingintomyeyes.

“Idon’tknowwhat’sgonnahappen,butIwanttofindout,”hesays,hisvoice

soundinghardanddetermined.“Noonecanguaranteethefuture,Ronni,butrightnow,
oursislookingprettyfuckingbright.”

“Whataboutmydad?”Iask,regrettingthequestioninstantly.

Heleansforwardandplaceshisforeheadagainstmine.“Itmighttakehimawhile,

buthe’llseethelight.”

He’sright.Dadisn’tgoingtobethrilledaboutthis,notinthebeginning,atleast.He

isn’tgoingtomindthatI’mwithVan.Helovesthemanhewatchedgrowfromaboy.
Moreimportantly,herespectsthemanhehasbecome.Thethingthatisgoingtopisshim
offisthatwetookthisstepwhenVanwassupposedtobewatchingmyback.He’llget
overitwithtime,buthe’snotgoingtobehappyatfirst.

Notwantingtotalkanymore,notevenwantingtothink,Ibringmylipstohisand

kisshimgently.Thekisspicksupmomentumwithinsecondsaswedevoureachother’s
mouths.Ifeastonhisuniqueflavor,lettinghisdelicioustasteoverwhelmme.Witheach
strokeofourtongues,mycoretightensinanticipationjustalittlemore.

Heshiftshiship,bringinghishardlengthrighttomycore.Iinstinctivelywrapmy

legsaroundhimandrubagainsthim.Amoanworksitswayupmythroatasmypussy
startstoachewithneed.Hegrowlsagainstmylips,grindingagainstmeharder.Hiscock
brushesagainstmylace-coveredclit,causingafiretobuildwithinme.

Mybackbowsoffthebedasmybodybegsformore.Heanswers,slidingdownand

placingkissesonmyneck.Eachtimehislipstouchme,Imewloutinpleasure.Hishands
movedownmybody,grabbingtheedgeofmynighty.Hepullshimselfbackjustenough
toworkthesilkupmybodyandovermyhead.

Assoonasmychestisbaredtohim,hislipswraparoundoneofmynipples.He

givesthetenderskinalittlenipbeforemovingtotheotherone.Suckingitin,hedrawsa
deepmoanfrommylips.Hecontinuesthetreatment,makingsureeachpebbledpeakgets
thesameattention.Bythetimehestartskissinghiswaydownmystomach,mybodyis
buckingagainsthis.

Hestopshisdescentrightbeforereachingmypanties.Grabbingthelace,heslowly

pullsthemdownmylegsthensettleshimselfbetweenmyopenthighs.Withoutwarning,
histongueglidesthroughmyalreadysoakingslit.Hepaysextraattentiontomyclit,
circlingoncebeforegivingitagentlenip.

“Harder,”Ibeg,wantingmore.

Hesucksthesensitivenubdeepinhismouthandslidesafingerinsideofme.The

actioncausesmypussytocontractwithanticipation.Histeethbitedownonmyclit,
addingjustatouchofpaintomypleasure.Hedoesthisagainandagain,bringingme

closerandclosertotheedge.Whenheaddsanotherfinger,fireworksexplodethroughout
mybody,andIscreamoutmyorgasm.

Igolaxashemovesupmybody,stoppingwhenhislipsreachmine.Whenhekisses

me,Icantastemyselfonhim.Theflavorisenoughtosendanotherwaveofneediness
throughme.Myarmswraparoundhim,holdinghimcloseasIputeverythingIhaveinto
thekiss.Bythetimewepullapart,wearebothgaspingforbreath.

Myeyesdevourhimasthemoonlightilluminateshishandsomeface.Eveninthe

limitedlight,Icanseehislightblueeyesareshiningwithaffection.Hemaynotloveme,
buthehasfeelingsforme.That’senoughformetolookinsidemyheart.It’sfast,really
fast,butIknowthefeelingisthere.It’sstrongandjustgettingstronger.

“IthinkI’mstartingtofallforyou,”Iwhisper,unabletoholdthewordsback.

Hisfulllipstipup,andhesays,“Youalreadyfell,sweetheart,andsodidI.”

Notgivingmeaminutetothinkabouthiswords,hislipscomebacktomine.He

slowlykissesme,puttingeverythinghefeelsintohiseverymovement.Ireturnthekiss,
hopinghecanfeelmyloveforhim,evenifIcan’tsaythewordsoutloud.

Heslowlypullsback,reachingovertothenightstandandpullingoutacondom.We

arebothquietasherollsiton.Ipullmylegsupashelinesuphishardlengthwithmy
opening,silentlybegginghimtogivemewhatIneed.Heanswersbybringinghislips
backtomineandslowlypushinginside.

Ienjoythefeelofhismouthonmineforamomentlongerbeforepullingawayand

lookingintohisclearblueeyes.WhatIseeshocksthehelloutofmeandsendsawaveof
purecontentmentstraighttomyheart.I’mnotsurewhatlovelookslike,butI’mpretty
surethatiswhatIamseeingnow.Nodoubt,he’sseeingthesamethinginmine.

Hishardnessglidesinandoutofmeaswecontinuetostareateachother.His

movementsareslow,causingpleasuretobuildinsideofme.Icanfeelatinglestarting
deepinsidemethatIknowwillresultinthebiggestorgasmI’veeverhad.Ialreadyknow
itwillbeamazing,explosive,colossal,earthshattering.

JustthethoughtofknowingImayhavethismanforforeveralmostcausesmetogo

overtheedgeagain.

Vanleansup,holdinghisbodyabovemine,butneverbreakshisrhythm.Pullinghis

eyesfrommine,helooksatourbodiesjoinedtogether.Ifollowhisgaze,enjoyingthe
sightofhisbodyconnectingtomine.Hepullsouttothetip,givingmeagoodviewofhis
glisteningcock,beforesinkingbackinside.

“Beautiful,”Iwhisper,overcomebythesight.

“Iknowitmaymakenosense,butit’slikeI’mseeingthisforthefirsttime,”he

says,keepinghisvoiceasquietasmine.

Stillwatching,Iunderstandwhathe’ssaying.Whatwearedoingnowisdifferent,so

damndifferentfromanythingwedidbefore.Thisisdeeper,stronger,morepowerful.Ican
feeltheconnectionbetweenusgrowingstrongereachtimehedrivesdeepinsideme.It’s
likeanewbeginning,washingawaymypast,acleansingofmysoul.

“Iunderstand,”Itellhimbeforelayingmyheadbackonthepillow.

Myhandsmaketheirwayuptohischest,feelinghismusclesflexasheholds

himselfaboveme.Movinguptohisshoulders,Ipullhimbackdowntome,wantingto
havehimclose.Hegivesnoresistanceashelowershisfacetomine,usinghiselbowto
holdhisweight.Movinghisotherhanduptomyface,herunsafingeralongmycheek,
slowlydraggingitovertomylips.Ashetracestheoutline,Ican’thelpbutsuckthedigit
insideofmymouth.

Hismovementspickupspeed,andagutturalgroanleaveshismouth.Mytongue

trailsaroundhisfingerasIpullitdeepintomythroat.Vanpicksupspeedbutstillkeepsa
slowerpacethanwhatI’musedtofromhim.Pullinghisfingerfrommymouth,hemoves
thewetnessdowntomyclit.Thefirsttouchcausesmetoarchoffthebed.Iimmediately
feelatighteninginmylowerstomachandknowthatIwon’tlastmuchlonger.

“I’mclose,Van,soclose,”Imoanoutashecontinuespumpingintome.

Givingmyclitapinch,hesays,“Giveittome,darlin’.Iwanttohearmynameon

yourlipswhenImakeyoucome.”

Hegetsexactlywhathewantswhenhepinchesmyclitagain.Thistime,it’salittle

firmer,andIcan’tholdbackanymore.Myorgasmrocketsthroughme,andIwasright.It
isamazing,explosive,colossal,earthshattering.Mywallsclamparoundhim,pushinghim
overtheedgewithme.Hecontinuesstrokingslowlyintomeuntiltheaftershocksofour
orgasmshavefaded.Onlythendoeshelowerhisheadbacktomineandputhislipson
mineonceagain.

Bythetimeherollsoffofmeandpullsmeintohisarms,onethoughtisrunning

throughmybrain.Hedidn’thavesexwithme,didn’tfuckme.VanScottjustmadeloveto
me,anditwasthemostbeautifulthingIhaveeverexperienced.

ChapterTwenty

Van

Thesoundofmyphoneringingwakesmefromadeepsleep.Islowlyopenmyeyesand
seeRonniisstilloutcold.Istareather,andwarmthfillsmychest.Sheisbeautiful,so
fuckingbeautiful.Hermidnight-coloredhairisfannedacrossthesheet,tangled,andsexy
ashell.Onlyherbareshoulderisvisible,butIcanseethecurveofherhipunderthe
blanket,andthat’senoughtohavemymorningwoodpulsingwithneed.

Takingmyeyesfromher,Igrabmystillringingphoneoffthebedsidetable.BeforeI

canswipemyfingeracrossthescreen,itgoesquiet.Ilookatitquickly,seeingIhavetwo
missedcallsandeightmissedtexts,allfromWalkerandBrass.Thereisnodoubtinmy
mindwhattheywanttotalkabout.

ItrytopullmyarmoutfromunderRonniwithoutwakingherup.WhenIfinally

pullitfree,shestirsforamoment,grumblinginhersleep,thencurlsintoaballandlets
outasigh.Ican’tstopmylipsfromtippingupbeforeIsitupandswingmylegsoverthe
sideofthebed.

Iquicklyscanthroughthetexts,startingwiththeonesBrasssentlastnight.

Wheneveryoudecidetogetyourdickoutofthatpussylongenough,I’vegotsomeinfofor
you.Followingthatisonethatsays:I’msendingTaztowatchthehousesoVeronica
doesn’thavetobealone.Finally,Iseetheonehesentjustafewminutesago.Fuck,dude.
Howdamnlongdoesittaketogetyourrocksoff?Getyourassdownhere.

ImoveontoreadWalker’stextsnext.TheyaresimilartoBrass’suntilIgettothe

lastone.Itisclearandtothepoint,causingawaveofuneasinesstocrashthroughme.We
havebiggerproblemsthanwethought.

Quietlyclimbingfromthebed,Ilookatmyphoneagain,seeingthetimeandblink

insurprise.It’snearlyten,meaningClinewillbehereintwohours.Fuck,thatdoesn’t
givememuchtimetogetmyshitdone.MyeyesmovetoRonni,knowingIhaveno
choicebuttowakeherup.

Sittingbackdown,Ilaymyhandonhershoulderandgiveheragentleshake.“Need

youtowakeup,darlin’.”

Shegrumblesabitbeforeblinkinghereyesopen.“Whattimeisit?”

“Nearlyten,”Ianswer,leaningdownandslidingmylipsoverhers.“I’vegottahead

overtotheclub,andIneedyouawakebeforeIgo.”

“WhydoIhavetogetup?”sheasks,soundingmorethanalittlepissed.

Thelookofaggravationcoveringherfacecausesmygrintoturnintoafull-blown

smile.Ikeptherupmostofthenight,takingheroverandoveragain.Ifuckedheruntil
mybodygaveout.Eventhen,Iheldherclose,runningmyhandsovereveryinchofher
body.Ijustcouldn’tgetenoughofher.Evennow,Ihavetofighttheurgetoslideinside
heragain.IdoubtIwillevergetenoughofherbody.

“Clinewillbeherearoundnoon,andIneedyoutotakecareofheruntilIgethome,”

Iexplain,pushingmyselfoffthebedandwalkingovertomydresser.“Tazisoutside.
He’llgetherfromthatbitch,soyoudon’thavetoworryaboutdealingwithRegina,butI
wantyoutobeawakewhenshegetsintothehouse.”

Normally,whenshitlikethishappens,IcallMilly.Sheisoneoftheoldladiesand

hasbabysatformeoffandoneversinceClinewasababy,andshe’senjoyedeveryminute
ofit.Ineverletithappenoften,asClinewasonlywithmetwoweekendsamonththen.I
wantedtospendasmuchtimewithherasIcould,butsometimes,shitcameup.

Millyisanolderwoman,edginguponsixty,andshelovesClinelikeshewasher

owngranddaughter.Sheandheroldmanneverhadanychildrenoftheirown.Assoonas
Clinewasborn,shedotedonherandshowedhermorelovethanheractualgrandmother
did.Hell,morethanhermother,too.Ronniisherenow,sothereisnoreasontocallherin.

“Okay,”sheanswerseagerly.“Ican’twaitforhertogethere.”

Ipulloutapairofjeansandacleant-shirt.Quicklythrowingthemon,Islidemycut

onandgrabapairofsocksoutofthedresserdrawer.Ipullthemonbeforeturningback
andlookingather.Sheisnowstandingbythebedwithoutastitchon.Sunlightis
streamingthroughthewindow,haloingherinitswarmrays.Seeinghercurvesinalltheir
glory,mycockthumpspainfullyagainstmyzipper.

“Itoldherwewouldmakehomemadepizzatoday,soIneedtomakesurewehave

everythingbeforeshegetshere,”shesays,wrappingthesheetaroundherbody.

Clinelovespizza,fuckinglovesit.ShewouldhaveiteverydamndayifI’dlether.

WhenRonnimentionedmakingitlastweek,shecouldn’tbelievethatyoucouldmakeitat
home.Justthethoughthadhersmilingfromeartoear.Irantothestoreandgot
everythingtheyneeded.WhenIgotback,thatexcitementturnedintotearsandtantrums.

AsRonniwaspullingeverythingoutofthebag,shehandedClineajarofolivesand

askedhertosetthemonthetable.Somehow,thejarslippedoutofCline’shand.Mygirl
freakedthefuckout.Itriedtocalmherdown,andRonnitriedtocalltoher,butnothing
worked.Bythetimethetearsstopped,weendedupeatingsandwichesandveggingoutin
frontoftheTV.

“Ifyouneedanything,textme.IcanpickitupbeforeIcomehome,”Itellher,

brushingmylipsagainsthersoncemore.“Gottago,darlin’.”

Shedeepensthekissthenpullsbackandsmiles.“AndIhavetogetdressed.”

Shepullsawayandwalksoutoftheroom.Shecomestoastopinthehallway,

turningaroundtolookbackatme,andhereyesareshiningwithsomethingIdon’tquite
understand.Shelooksatmeforacoupleminutes,herhandfistingthesheetshehas

wrappedaroundher.

“Youneedtoknowsomethingbeforeyougo,”shesays,anedgytonetohervoice.“I

loveyou,Van.”

Withthat,sheturnsawayandrushesdownthehall.I’mstuckinplace,myheart

thumpingpainfullyinmychest.Idonotmoveamuscle,don’tevenbreath,untilIhearthe
doortotheguestbedroomshut.OnlythendoIfollowher,stillnotknowingwhatthefuck
Iamgoingtosay.Apartofmewantstorepeatherwords,tellherIfeelthesameway.
Anotherpartofmeistoofuckingscaredtoopenmymouth.

JustasI’mabouttoopenthedoor,myphonedings.Ilookdownandseeanothertext

fromBrass.Whatthefuck,brother?Youcomingorwhat?Myeyeslookatthedoorfora
secondmorebeforeIheaddownthestairsandpullonmyboots.I’lldealwithRonnilater.
Maybethen,I’llhaveenoughballstogiveherthewordssheneeds.

MyeyeslandonTaz,sittingonhisbike,assoonasIstepoutthedoor.Iliftmychin

tohim,knowinghewillkeepaneyeonshituntilIgetback.Then,Iclimbonmybikeand
takeoff.Itdoesn’ttakemebutafewminutestogetdowntotheclubhouse.Ipulltoastop
bythefrontdoor.Climbingoff,Iwalkupthestepsandinside.

Glancinginthecommonroom,Idon’tseeeitherBrassorWalker.Ikeepwalkingto

Tito’sofficeandopenthecloseddoor.Brassislyingonthecouchinthecorner,looking
likehe’sabouttopassout.Walkerispacingbackandfortharoundtheroom.Normally,
thebrotherswouldn’tcomeinherewithoutourPres’spermission,buttheneedforprivacy
istooimportantrightnowtotalkanywhereelse.

“It’saboutfuckingtimeyougotyourasshere,”Brasssays,sittingupandrunninga

handthroughhisblondehair.

“Sorry,brother.Iwasupmostofthenight.WhenIfinallyfellasleep,Isleptright

throughthephoneringing,”IsayasIwalkoverandplopdowninTito’schair.

“Someofuswereupallnightforsomethingotherthanpussy,”Walkersays,ahalf-

assgrinonhisface.

Isendhimaglarebutotherwiseignorehiscomment.“I’mherenow,soareoneof

yougonnatellmewhatyoulearned?”

Walkernodsandsitsdowninthechairacrossfromme.“Yeah,wegotallthe

informationwe’regonnagetoutofhim.”

Brasspusheshimselfoffthecouchandwalkstothedesk.“Didn’ttakemuch;hewas

scaredtodeath.Hespewedeverythingsofuckingfast;itwashardtoevenunderstand
whatthefuckhewassaying.”

WakingupthismorningwithRonniinmyarms,Idon’tfeelsobadabouthanding

thisshittoWalkerandBrass.Ididmypart,evenifitwasdifferentthanwhatIoriginally
thoughtitwouldbe.ThebastardwasshittinghispantsbeforeIleft.Hewasreadytospill
everything.I’msurethelookofmurderinmyeyesmayhavehadsomethingtodowith
that.

“ThatmanisthebiggestfuckingidiotI’veevermet,”Walkersays,bringingmy

attentiontohim.“Hehonestlythinkswe’regonnalethimliveafterhetriedtokillTito’s
daughter.”

Ilethimrambleon,eventhoughIwanttotellhimtogetthefuckonwithit.Idon’t

giveashitwhattheassholethinks,notonedamnshit.Iwanttohearwhatheknows.
Walkerdoesn’tkeepmewaitingbeforehestartstellingmewhattheylearned.

“ThefuckerpaidsomejunkieinChicagototrytotakeVeronicaout,”hesayswitha

slightnod.“Theassholeisjustsomestreetslinger,onlywantedagrandtokillher.He’s
alreadytoldMileshewouldn’ttryagainunlesshegotmoremoney.”

Iletoutarelievedbreath,knowingwecanhandlethisshit.Wecantakearide,puta

bulletinthefucker’shead,andnoonewillevenaskanyquestions.He’lljustbeoneless
dealeronthestreets,andnotafuckingpersonwillmisshim.

“There’smore,brother,”Brasssays,lookingseriousforonce.“Milesowesnearlya

milliondollarstoaloansharkinVegas.Walkermadeafewcalls.Fromwhatwegathered,
thismanisnotsomeonetobetrifledwith.”

Mystomachclenches,worryfillingme.ThiswasexactlywhatIwasafraidof.I

neverdoubtedwecouldtakecareofMiles.Thepunkwasnevermorethananirritation,
samewiththedrugdealerinChicago.Thisloanshark,though,heisacompletelydifferent
story.

“Thewordonthestreetisthatthismanwantshismoney,andhehasfiguredouthe’s

notgonnagethismoneyfromthatdickhead.Now,he’slookingforsomeoneelsetopay
thedebt.ThatsomeoneisVeronica,”Brasscontinues,crossinghisarmsoverhischest.

Walkerplopsdowninthechairacrossfromthedeskandpullsajointfromhis

pocket.“Ihappentoknowthisparticularloanshark.Notreallywell,butIknowenoughto
knowthatheisonecoldmotherfucker.”

SurprisedthatWalkerseemstohaveconnectionstoeveryfuckingone,Iask,“How

doyouknowhim?”

Hiseyesgoblankforaminutebeforefuryfillsthem.“Mybrotherwasafucking

slavetothetables.Hespenteverycenthemadeoncards.Whenallhismoneywasgone,
heturnedtothebastardforaloan.Whenhecouldn’tpayitback,hedisappeared.They
killedhimforfivefuckinggrand.”

“Fuck,”Brassgruntsasthesamewordslipsfrommyownlips.

“Then,theasshole’sgoonsshowedatmymomma’sdoor.Takingmybrother’slife

wasn’tenough.Hestillwantedhismoney.Ifshehadmorethanajunkercarandarented
trailer,he’dprobablyhavetakenherassout,too.Evenso,theyroughedherup.Iendedup
sellingeveryfuckingthingIhadtogethimtoleaveherthefuckalone,”hegrowlsout,his
fisttighteninginhislap.“Thismancaresaboutmoneyandnothingelse.Ifhefindsout
we’reholdingher,he’lltakeourwholefuckingclubouttogethishandsonher.”

Walker’sright—soright,Icanfeelthebilerisingupinmythroat.Fivegrandis

penniescomparedtowhatMilesowes.Ifhe’dtakeoutamanforthat,he’ddoanyfucking
thingtogethismillionback,eventakeonRiotMC.

“NotifIgettohimfirst,”Igrowl,myvoicehardwithdetermination.

Brassnods,hiseyescold.“Mythoughtsexactly.”

“Theonlyproblemisgettingourhandsonhim,”Walkersayswithashrug.“It’snot

gonnabeeasy,brother.”

Helightsup,pullinginalongdrag,andpassesthejointofftoBrass.Wealltakea

fewhits,tryingtoworkthisshitoutinourminds.Irunamilliondifferentideasthrough
myhead,quicklydismissingeachandeveryone.

Takinganotherlongpullfromthejoint,Ilookatmybrothers.“Ikeeptryingtothink

ofawaywecangetRonnioutofthis,tryingtofigureoutasimplesolution,butthisshit
hascomplicatedwrittenalloverit.”

“I’vealwayslikedcomplicated,”Brasssays,leaningagainstthesideofthedesk.

“Simpleisjusttoofuckingeasyforme.”

MymindgoestoRonni,replayinghersweetIloveyouoverandoverinmyhead,

andIrealizeheisright.Complicatedisahellofalotmorefunthansimple.

ChapterTwenty-One

Van

Pullingupatmyhouse,myeyeslandonafamiliarblackcarsittinginmydriveway,and
theurgetoscreamnearlyoverwhelmsme.Ican’tbelievethisshitishappeningrightnow.
I’mgonefortwofuckinghours,andMomjusthappenstoshowup.That’stoodamn
convenienttobeacoincidence.

AngerfillsmybodyasIcuttheengineandclimboffmybike.Asecondlater,I’m

stompinguptheporch,wonderingwhatthefuckmymotherisdoinghere.AssoonasIhit
thefrontdoor,IcanhearRonni’sdogbarkinginawaythatIhaveonlyheardoncebefore.
ItsoundslikeDenverisreadytotearsomeonetofuckingpieces,andI’mbettingmybitch
ofamomisthatperson.Justasthedoorswingsopen,thesoundofthebitch’svoice
reachesmyear,andIgrindmyteethtogetherinaggravation.

“Thislittlebitchiskeepingmeawayfrommygranddaughter,”Momshouts,the

soundcausingmyangertorisetoitsboilingpoint.

“IsuggestyougetyourassoutofherebeforeVangetsback.Ifhewalksinhereand

findsyouherecausingtrouble,you’regonnabeinaworldofhurt,”Tazwarnsher,an
edgetohisvoice.

“Toolate,”Isay,asIwalkintothekitchenandlookatTaz.“Whatthefuckisthe

cuntdoinginmyhouse?Whywouldyouevenletheraroundmywomanandkid?”

Beforehecananswer,IlookaroundtheroomandspyRonnistandingbythefridge

withClinehidingbehindher.Mylittlegirlhastearsinhereyes,andherbodyisshaking
withfear.Ronni,ontheotherhand,isscowlingatmymother.Herbodyistenseasifshe
isreadytojumponthebitchatanysecond.

“Youcan’ttalktomelikethat,Van.”Momshouts,herhandsonherhips.“I’myour

momandyourPres’soldlady.Ideserveyourrespect.”

“Youdon’tdeserveanyfuckingthingfromme,woman.”Ilookintohercoldeyes

andsmirk.“Youmayhavepushedmeout,butyou’veneverbeenmymom.You’re
nothingbutmyfuckingincubator.”

UntilIsawRonniaroundCline,Ineverreallyknewwhatatruemotherwas.She

maynothavecarriedmylittlegirlforninemonths,didn’tgivebirthtoher,butshe’sa
momineverywaythatmatters.RonnilovesClineinawaythatIdon’tthinkevenRegina
lovesher.Hopefully,shestaysaroundtogivemygirlthatlovefortherestofherlife.

“Ican’twaittohearwhatTitohastosayaboutthewayyouaretalkingtome,”Mom

says,asmirkcoveringherface.“I’mbettingyouwon’tbewearingthatVPpatchmuch
longer,notafterhefindsouthowyouspoketohisoldlady.”

Ilaugh,fullonbellylaugh,assoonasshefinishestalking.It’sfuckinghilariousthat

shestillthinksshehasanypowertoamanwhorefusestoevencrawlinherbed.She’s
eitherbluffingherassoff,orsheisblindasfuck.I’mguessingit’salittlebitofboth.

“Oh,thepatchwillstillbeonmychest,”Isay,smilingatherbeforedeliveringahit

thatwillhaveherpissingherpants.“Ijustwonderifyourswill.It’sahellofaloteasierto
replaceanoldladythanitistogetanewVP.”

Herhandinstantlygoestoheroldlady’scut,coveringTito’spropertypatch.Bythe

lookonherface,itappearssheneverconsideredhe’dtakehercut.Thebitchwearsthe
shitlikearmor.Wheremostoftheoldladiesonlyweartheirsduringrunsoratparties,my
mothernevertakeshersoff.

Shetakesadeepbreaththenpastesononeofherfakeasssmiles“Ididn’tmeanto

causeanyproblems.”

Shedoesthisshit,thinksonesmilecanfixeverything.WhenIwaslittle,Iwas

hungryforheraffection.I’dforgiveheranythingifshe’djustsayafewkindwordsand
smilemyway.ThatwasbeforeIlearnedhowevilshewasbehindthatsmile.Now,just
seeingherlipstipupcausesmystomachtorollindisgust.

“Really?”Iask,myvoicefilledwithanger.“Then,whythehellwereyouscreaming

yourheadoffwhenIwalkedinthedoor.”

ShelooksovertoRonni,notevenbotheringtohidethehateinhereyes,thenlooks

backatme.“Ijustwantedtoseemygranddaughter,butshewouldn’tletme.Sherefused
toevenletmegiveClineahug.”

“Ican’tsayIblameher,consideringsheknowsalltoowellhowyoutreatkids.”

Takingadeepbreath,Ishakemyhead.“WhydidyoudecidetocomevisitClinenow,
sinceyouneverdo.Fuck,Ican’tevenrememberthelasttimeyouevenaskedabouther.”

“That’snottrue,”shestateswithashakeofherhead.“IloveCline.Youknowhow

muchIloveher.”

Ignoringherresponse,IaskthequestionthatIhavebeenwaitingtoasksinceI

walkedinthedoor.“HowdidyouknowRonniwashere?”

Shecanbullshitallshewants,butIknowthatiswhysheishere.Ifshedidn’tknow

aboutRonni,she’dneverbehere.Thatmeanssomeonemust’vefuckingtalked,andIwant
toknowwho.WhenIfindout,they’regonnapay.

Shestaresatmeasecondbeforeanswering.“Itwastheprospect,Jerimiah.Isaw

himtoday,andhetoldmethatthePres’daughterhadbeentotheclubhouse.”

Ithinkabouttheprospectandgetmorepissed.Iknewhewasgoingtobringtrouble,

justknewit,andItriedtotellTito,buthewouldn’tlisten.Nomatterhowmuchitpisses
offRio,hisnephewwilldefinitelyhavetogonow.Heshould’veknown,newornot,to
notgorunninghismouthaboutshitthathappensattheclubhouse.

Iwalkpasther,nottrustingmyselftosayanythingatthemoment,andheadstraight

tomygirls.LiftingmychintoRonni,IbenddownandpullClineintomyarms.She
immediatelyburiesherfaceinmychestandstartstosob.Realizinghowupsetsheis,it
takesallmywillpowernottopulloutmypieceandputabulletdeepinmymother’shead.

“It’sgonnabeokay,”Iwhisper,holdingheruntilhersobsstarttoquietdown.

“Daddy’sherenow.”

Finally,Clinepullsbackjustenoughtolookatme.“ShecalledRonniabadname

andsaidshewasgonnamakesureshewentawayandnevercameback.Idon’twantto
loseRonni.Iloveher.Please,don’tmakehergoaway.”

RonniisbentdownbeforethelastwordleavesCline’smouth.Shepullsmydaughter

frommeandstartswhisperinginherear.I’mnotsurewhatsheissaying,butIknowit’s
therightthingwhenClinestartssmiling.Thatsmileisenoughtobringmyangerdowna
notch.

Clineslowlyturnstomewithasmileonherface,andsays,“Ronni’sstaying.We’re

gonnabefriendsforever.”

Inod,givingmydaughterasmileinreturn.“That’sgood,darlin’.”

IlookovertoRonniandcockmybrow.Shedoesn’tsayanything,justcontinuesto

scowlatmymother.Herangerissofuckingthick;Icannearlytasteit.Thereisnodoubt
inmymind,ifClinewasn’there,Ronni’sfistwouldbeflying.Mymom’sascrapper,been
inmorethanafewfightsattheclub,butIdoubtevenshecouldtakeRonniatthis
moment.

KnowingIneedtogetmymotheroutofhere,Istraightenuptomyfullheightand

lookbacktoMom.“I’vetoldyoumorethanonce;Idon’twantyouhere.Ifyousomuch
assetfootinmyhouseagain,I’mgonnagohaveatalkwithDad.”

Forsomereason,justthementionofmyfatherhasalwaysputMomonedge.It’s

likesheisscaredtodeathofhim.Thatfearhasn’tlessenedanyinalltheyearshe’sbeen
behindbars.Ihavenofuckingideawhy.AsfarasIknow,hehasneversomuchaslaida
handonher.Still,sheisfreakedoutbynothingmorethanthementionofhisname.

Shestaresatmeforaminutebeforeturningonherheelsandstompingoutofthe

house.Iwatchhergo,waitinguntilthedoorshutsbehindher,thenpullbothRonniand
Clineintomyarms.TheentiretimeIholdthem,Iimagineburyingthebitchsixfeet
under.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Van

LeadingTazintothelivingroom,Icanfeelmyangerabouttoboilover.Ican’tbelievethe
shitthatwascomingoutofmymother’smouth.Fuck,Ialwaysthoughtshewasjustmean
ashell.Now,I’mstartingtowonderifsheisn’tfuckingcrazy,too.IwaituntilIhearthe
soundofCline’sdoorshutting,knowingthatsheandRonniwon’tbeabletohearanything
thatissaid.They’veheardenoughscreamingforoneday.

PuttingmyfingerinTaz’sface,Ishout,“Whythefuckdidn’tyouputthatbitchout

assoonasshesteppedintothehouse?”

Ifhecan’tevenprotectRonnifrommymother,howthefuckamIsupposedtotrust

himtohaveherbackwhenrealdangercomescalling.Itrulythinktheshitwithher
stepbrotherisbehindher,butwewon’tknowthatuntilsheturnstwenty-fiveandgivesthe
moneyaway.Untilthen,Ineedtoknowsheisprotectedatalltimes.

“HowthehellwasIsupposedtodothat?”heasks,notbackingdownabit.“Didyou

wantmetotossherovermyshoulderandthrowheroutthefuckingdoor?”

“Thatwouldhavebeenahellofalotbetterthanyoulettingherpullherbitchactin

frontofClineandRonni,”Ireply,mybodystillvibratingwithanger.

“ThatwomanismyPresident’soldlady.She’salsomyVP’smother.Nomatterhow

muchIwantedto,Icouldn’tlayherassout,”hesays,lettingmehearhisanger.“Theonly
thingIcoulddoismakesureshedidn’tgetherhandsonClineandRonni.Eventhen,I
waswalkingafineline.OnewrongmoveandI’dnotonlylosemycutbutmylife,too.”

AsmuchasIhatetoadmitit,he’sright.Well,atleast,hethinksheis.Asanoldlady

andamotherofamember,Momhastheclub’sprotection.BeingconnectedtoTitoand
me,thatprotectiongoestoawholenewlevel.

“Titoisdonewithher.Heisgonnaeighty-sixherassoonashegetsout,”Iexplain,

eventhoughit’snotmyplacetosharetheshit.“Icutthewomanoutofmylifealong
fuckingtimeago,soshe’snotprotectedanymore.”

Tazjustshrugsandsays,“She’sstillprotecteduntilhecutsherloose.She’sstill

wearinghispatch,sohisintentionsdon’tmeanshit.Unlessshedoessomethingtoactually
hurtVeronicaorCline,Ican’tlayafuckingfingeronher.”

Fuck,he’sright.Titomaybereadytoturnhisbackonher,butaslongassheis

wearinghispatch,sheisstillconsideredthePresident’soldlady.Walkingovertothe

couch,Iplopdownandtrytothinkofawaytofixthisshit,andonlyonethingcomesto
mind.

Leaningbackagainstthecouch,Iletoutafrustratedgroanandsay,“I’mgonnahave

togotalktoTitotomorrowaboutbringingRonni’sfrienddowntoshowRamhowtodo
herlittlephonetrick.WhileI’mthere,I’llgethisokaytoeighty-sixhermyself.”

Heshakeshishead,runningahandthroughhishair.“Areyouactuallygonnakick

yourownmomtothecurb?”

“Ialreadydidalongfuckingtimeago,”Itellhim,notfeelingabitguilty.“She

broughtthisshitonherself,soI’mnotgonnafeelanounceofpaintakingheroldlady
cut.”

Evenasthewordsleavemymouth,Irealizehowtruetheyare.Ifeelnothing,nota

fuckingthing,forwhatmymotherisgoingtolose.Itwon’tjustbeheroldman;it’llbe
herentirewayoflife,butIdon’tgiveashit.Tome,she’sjustanotherbitchthatIwould
happytoneverseeagain.Hell,I’dbehappyifIcouldforgetthatsheevenexists.

Tazshootsmeasarcasticsmilebeforechangingthesubject.”Areyougonnatellhim

you’rekeepinghisdaughterinyourbed?”

“Fuckno,”Imumblewithashakeofmyhead.

Soonerorlater,Titoisgonnafindout.Ijustdon’twanthimfindingoutwhileheis

doingtime.Idon’twanthimwithnothingbuttimeonhishandstothinkaboutwaysto
makemepay.Thebrotheriscreativeenoughonthefly;hedoesn’tneedtimetodwellon
it.

“Youmaybegettingpussyhere,butI’mnot,soI’mheadingtotheclubhousetoget

mesome,”hesaysandwalksaway.

Beforehestepsoutoftheroom,Iissueanorder.“Beforeyoufindyouapieceofass,

ripoffJerimiah’scutandteachhimalesson.Makesureheknowstoneverstepfooton
Riotpropertyeveragain.”

“Icanhandlethat.Kickassthengetapieceofass.”Henods.“I’llbebeatingsome

pussy,eitherwayyoulookatit.”

RonniwalksintotheroomassoonasTazwalksout.Shesmirksathim,lettinghim

knowsheheardwhathesaid.Mybrothersmiles,shootingherawink.Shewaitsuntilhe
hitsthefrontdoortoturnmyway.Icantellbythelookonherfacethatsomethingis
wrong.I’mguessingsheisstillpissedaboutMom.Ican’tsayIblameher,butthereisno
wayI’mgoingtoapologize.It’snotmyfaultmymotherissuchafuckingcunt.

“Where’sCline?”Iask,breakingthesilence.

“Upinherroom,cuddlingwithDenverandwatchingcartoons.”Shelooks

uncomfortable.“Weneedtotalk,andIdidn’twanthertohearwhatIhavetosay.”

Liftingmychintoher,Ireply,“Saywhatyou’vegottasay.”

“IthinksomethingisgoingonwithCline,andwhateverthatsomethingis,it’snot

good.”Shecomesovertositdownbesideme.“Iknowshe’syourdaughter,soit’snot
reallymybusiness,butI’mworriedabouther.”

Idon’tknowwhatIwasexpectinghertosay,butitsureinthehellwasn’tthat.Just

thethoughtthatsomethingishappeningwithCline,andIdidn’tknowaboutit,hasmy
heartthumpingagainstmyribcage.Iwanttoshout,askherwhatthefucksheistalking
about.Instead,Ipullinadeepbreathandtrytokeepmyshittogether.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Iask,soundingmuchcalmerthanIactuallyam.

“Yousawhowupsetshegotwhenshebrokethejarofolivesbefore,”sheexplains,

lookingmeintheeye.“Herreactionwasoverthetop,waytooextremeforjustan
accident,especiallywhenyouconsiderthatneitheroneofuswasupsetwithher.”

“Yeah,shegotreallyupset,”Ireply,notquiteknowingwhatshewantsmetosay.

“What’syourpoint?”

Sheshakesherhead,frustrationfillinghereyes.“Theotherday,shecriedwhen

Denverknockedoveroneofthekitchenchairs.WhenIwenttopushDenveroutofthe
waysoIcouldpickupthechair,shestartedbeggingmenottohithim.”

Iletoutarelievedbreath,realizingshedoesn’tknowmydaughteraswellasshe

thinks.“Shedoesthat,getsupsetlikethat.She’salwaysafraidsheisgoingtogetin
trouble,eventhoughshehardlyeverdoes.She’sbeenlikethat,freakingoutoverlittle
shit,eversinceshestartedtalkingincompletesentences.Ithinkit’sjustpartofher
personality.”

Ronnishakesherheadbeforereachingoverandgrabbingmyhand.“Haven’tyou

everwonderedwhyit’spartofherpersonality?”

Ithinkbackovertheyears,rememberingendlessnightsofworry.Everytimeshe

freakedout,Iwouldgointoprotectivemode,tryingtomakeeverythingbetter.Evenwhen
shecalmeddown,I’dstayonedgefordays,wonderingwhythefuckshereactedinsucha
way.

Istareatherforasecondbeforenoddingmyhead.“Itusedtodrivemefuckingnuts.

Itriedtellinghernottogetsoupsetallthetime,toldherthatnothingshecoulddowould
makemenotloveher,butthatjustseemedtomakeitworse.”

Shelooksatmeforafewsecondsbeforelettinggoofmyhandandstandingup.

Walkingovertothewindow,shestaresout,notsayingaword.Theroomiscompletely
silentafewlongmomentsbeforesheturnsaroundandstaresinmydirection.

“Iusedtobelikethat,apologizinganytimeIsomuchascoughed.Iwasalways

afraidofgettingscreamedatorevenhit,”shesays,hervoicefilledwithpain.“Iwaslike
thatafterspendingtoomuchtimewithmymomandstepdad.IwasevenworsewhenI
spenttimewithyourmom.”

Igetwheresheisgoingwiththis,andI’mnotlikingitonebit.“Clinehasneverbeen

aroundmymom.Thebitchdoesn’tevenaskabouther,muchlessseeher,soyoudon’t
needtoworryaboutthat.IwouldneverletthatbitchputafingeronCline.”

Walkingovertome,shesitsdownandcuddlesintomyside.“Van,yourmotherisn’t

theonlybitchintheworld.”

Ifeelawaveoftrepidationmakeitswaythroughme.“Whatareyoutryingtosay?”

Shegrabsmyhand,weavingherfingersthroughmine.“Shemaynotbearoundyour

mom,butshespendsalotoftimewithherownmother.”

Understandingwhatsheissaying,mywholebodygoestautwithtension.Somany

emotionsarerunningthroughmethatmyheadisspinning.AngerunlikeanythingIhave
everfeltfillsme.Shameisalsothere,shamethatIdidn’tevenrealizewhatwashappening
tomylittlegirl.Thereisalsoahintoffearinthere,fearthatIwon’tbeabletofixthis.

“Fuck,”Igrowl,jumpingupfromthecouchandrunningahandthroughmyhair.

“AreyousayingthatyouthinkReginaishurtingher?”

“Idon’tknow,butIthinkthatissomethingyouneedtofindout,”shesays,her

browneyesswimmingwithtears.

Notwillingtowaitanothersecond,Irunupthestairs.Ineedtoseemygirl,seethat

sheisokay.Flingingthedooropen,IseehersittingonherbedwatchingPawPatrol.I
walkover,tryingnottoscareher.Isitdownbesideherandpullherintomylap.Shelooks
upatme,notsayingaword.Ilookintohereyes,reallylook.Forthefirsttime,Iseea
darknessthere.It’sthesamedarknessthatIsawinRonni’sallthoseyearsago.

“Daddylovesyou,darlin’.”Isqueezehertight,promisingmyselfthatIwillfixthis

shit,nomatterwhatIhavetodo.

ChapterTwenty-Three

Veronica

SlidingintobedbesideVan,Icanfeelthetensioncomingoffhiminwaves.Hehasbeen
onedgeallnight,followingeachmoveClinemadewithalookofconcerninhiseyes.
GuiltswampedmeeverytimeIsawhisworry.MaybeIshouldhavejustkeptmymouth
shut.Myownworrywouldn’tletme,though.

“Cline’sokay,”Ireassurehim,cuddlingintohisside.“Sheissafeinherbed,onlya

fewfeetdownthehall.”

Hisbodygrowsevenmoretautashegrowlsout,“Whataboutnextweek?Isshe

gonnabeokay,spendingallhertimewiththatcunt?”

I’mnotsurehowtorespondtothat.Iwanttocomforthim,butthereisnothingIcan

saythatwillgivehimevenanounceofcomfort.Mymindflashesbacktoeachandevery
timeDadhadtotakemebacktoMom.Hewasalwaysonedge.Evenasachild,Icould
tellhewasholdingontohistemperbyastring.IhatethatVanhastogothroughthesame
thing,butIdon’tknowhowtohelphim.

“AreyougonnabeokaywithClinespendingmoretimehere?”heasks,drawinga

surprisedgaspfrommylips.

Ipushmyselfuponmyelbowandnarrowmyeyesathim.“Ican’tbelieveyou

wouldevenaskmethat.IloveCline.ShestolemyheartthefirsttimeIsawher.I’d
kidnapherandtakeherbacktoChicagowithmeifIdidn’tthinkyou’dhuntusdown.”

Hiseyesgohard,andhestartsissuingorders.“You’renotgoingbacktoChicago,

Ronni.Youjustaswellgetthatshitoutofyourhead.”

I’msosurprisedbyhiswordsthatIcandonothingmorethanjuststareathimfora

longmoment.Ihaven’thadanyonetrytotellmewhattodoinalongdamntime.Just
havinghimordermearoundforthelastfewweekshasbeenhard,butIhavedealtwithit
becausehewastryingtokeepmesafe.Thisisdifferent;thisishimtryingtorunmylife.

“Whatthehelldoyoumean,Iwon’tbegoingbacktoChicago?”Iask,sittingupon

thebedandglaringathim.“Don’tyouthinkthatshouldbemychoice?”

Hepusheshimselfup,leaningagainsttheheadboardbeforeheanswers.“Wouldyou

reallychooseChicagooverClineandme?Whataboutyourdad?Doyoureallywanttobe
thatfarawayfromTito?DoesChicagomeanthatmuchtoyou?”

Hisquestionsbouncearoundinmyhead,andIquicklycomeupwithananswer.

“I’mgoingtomissKatandErin.”

Heshrugsasifit’snobigdealandsays,“Tellthemtopackuptheirshitandbring

theirassestoCottonPlains.”

Iimmediatelystartthinkingofwaystoconvincethemtomovedownhere.

ConsideringErindoesn’thavearealjobandnofamilytospeakof,shewouldn’thavea
problem.Kat,ontheotherhand,hasajob.SheisanassociateprofessorofPolitical
ScienceatNorthwestern.However,IUPUIisonlyahalfhourdrivefromhere.Ifshecould
gethiredonthere,she’dprobablybewillingtomove.

“WhenIgetthisshitworkedoutwithCline’smom,she’llbeherewithusallthe

time.Youmayloveher,butareyousureyouwantsomeoneelse’skidaroundeveryday?”
heasks,bringingmymindbacktoouroriginaltopic.“Ifnot,youhavetoletmeknow
now.Ican’tgetinanydeeperwithyouifyoucan’tseeyourselfplayingmomformylittle
girl.”

Myheartskipsabeat,realizingexactlywhatheisaskingme.Hedoesn’twantthis

thingbetweenustoendanytimesoon,maybenever.Forthattohappen,Ihavetoaccept
hisdaughter,somethingIammorethanwillingtodo.

Ireachupandlaymyhandagainsthischeek.“I’dbehonoredtohelpyouraiseyour

daughter.Ifwouldbeaprivilege.”

Hiseyesslowlycloseandhepullsinadeepbreathandwhispers,“shedeservesto

haveawomaninherlifethatwillloveher.Shedeservestohavearealmom.”

ThewomaninmewantstoremindVanthatshealreadyhasamother,butthenI

rememberallthetearsClinehasshedoverthelastcoupleofweeks.I’vewatchedVan
withher.He’sgoodtoher,gentleeven.Brassisthesame,ifnotmoreso.Thatleavesone
personinherlifethatismakinghersoskittish:thewomanshecallsMom.

Hefinallyopenshiseyesandsays,“I’mgonnamakesuresheunderstands,hertime

withClineisgoingtobelimitedfromnowon.”

Beforehecansaymore,Icuthimoffwithaquestion.“Ifthetwoofyouhaveshared

custody,howareyougoingtomakethathappen?”

“It’sbestifyoudon’tknowallthedetails,”hesays,hislipstippingupatthecorner,

makinghimlookevenmorehandsomethannormal.

It’snotthefirsttimeI’veheardaphraselikethat.Usually,itmeansthatwhateverit

involvesisn’texactlylegal.AslongasitgetsClineawayfromhermother,Idon’tcare
whathehastodo.Ijusthopeitdoesn’tlandhiminjail.

Ilaymyheadbackonhischestandtracemyfingersoverhisfirmstomach.“Do

whateveryouhavetodo,justdon’tgetyourselfintrouble.Onemaninmylifebehind
barsistoomany,asfarasI’mconcerned.”

Van’scallousedhandstrokesupanddownmyback,causingmetoletoutasighand

closemyeyes.“I’mnotgoingtojail,notbecauseofthatanyways.Ican’tpromiseI’ll
neverhavetospendtimeinside,butIhopelikehellIdon’t.Beeninsidemorethanonce,

andIcan’tsayitwasmyfavoriteplacetolaymyheadatnight.”

HearingthatVanhasbeeninjailisn’tmuchofasurprisetome.Dadhasbeeninand

outofjailforaslongasIcanremember.Luckily,hehasneverbeensenttoprison,butit’s
beencloseafewtimes.Whenyoubuttheadswiththelawallthedamntime,you’regoing
tohavetopayfromtimetotime.

“I’mgoingtogoseeTitotomorrow,”Vansays,completelychangingthesubject.“I

needtogetthego-aheadtobringErindown,andthere’ssomeothershitIneedtotalkto
himabout.Ishouldn’tbegonebutacoupleofhours.DoyoumindkeepingClinehere
withyouwhileI’mgone?Brasswillbearound,butshe’dratherspendtimewithyou.”

“Idon’tmindwatchingheratall,butI’dliketogoseeDad.Ihaven’tseenhimin

monthsandwouldreallyloveto,evenifthereisathickpaneofglassbetweenus.”

HestartsshakinghisheadbeforeIevengetthelastwordout.“Absolutelynot.You

aren’tgoinganywherenearthatfuckingjailhouse.You’regonnastayrighthere,whereit’s
safe.I’mnottakinganychanceswithyou.”

IsitupandsendVananotherglare.“Whothehellisgoingtohurtmeatthejail?

Therewillbepoliceeverywhere,andyouwillberightbymyside.”

VanknowshowbadlyI’vewantedtoseemydad.I’veaskedamilliontimestogoon

visitingdays,buthehasputmeoffoverandoveragain.Hehasn’tevenletmetalktohim
onthephone,sayingeverythingisrecorded.I’vetriedtounderstandwherehewascoming
from,butthisisjusttoofreakingmuch.Forhimtoplanavisitanddenymethechanceto
seeDadiscompleteandtotalbullshit.Iknowhe’sjustworriedaboutmeandwantsto
protectme,butI’mnotevenscaredanymore.I’veseenhowprotectiveVanisofme,and
Brassis,too,andIknowthatI’mfinallysafe.I’mnotworriedaboutMilesoranyoneelse,
notanymore.

“Whatifsomeoneiswatching,waitingtoseeifyougotovisityourdad?”heasks,

shootingdaggerswithhiseyes.“Wewouldn’tevenknowtheywerethereuntilthey
decidedtohit.Itcouldhappenonthewayhomeorafterwegothere.Howwouldyoufeel
iftheycameinthehouseandkilledusall,evenCline?”

“Thatwouldn’thappen,”Idenywithaquickshakeofmyhead.

Mystomachistwistinginknots,realizingjusthowmuchdangerIhavebroughtto

hisdoor.I’mnotworriedaboutVan.Tome,likemydad,Vanisinvincible.Ican’teven
imagineabullettakinghimout.Cline,ontheotherhand,isdelicate.Theycouldhurther,
killthebeautifullittlegirl,anditwouldbeallmyfault.

Notwillingtoadmitdefeat,IthinkbackonmytripfromChicagotoIndy.“Icould

wearadisguise.NoonewouldknowwhoIam.IstillhavethefakeIDsDadgavemefor
theflights.Icoulduseoneofthemtogetintothejail.”

Vanjerksupinthebed,sittinguponhisknees,grabbingthetopofmyarmsinagrip

that,ifIwasn’tsosurprised,it’dprobablyhurt.Foralongmoment,wejuststareateach
other,bothofusbreathinghard,barelyholdingbackourtempers.

“Ican’ttakethechanceofsomethinghappening.IcouldloseyouandClinebothifI

don’thandlethisshittherightway.Whycan’tyouunderstandthat?”heshouts,

completelylosinghisshit.“Whycan’tyoujustdowhatyouarefuckingtold,without
fightingwithmeabouteverydamnthing?”

“Whatthefuckdoyoumean,dowhatI’mtold?Really?”Ishoutrightback,losing

controlofmytemper.“I’vedonenothingbutwhatyouwantmetodosincetheminuteI
gotoffthedamnplane.”

Hehadmereadytogivein,rightupuntilhestartedspewingshit.Iwouldn’tput

Clineindanger,nomatterwhat.Iwouldhaveagreedtostayhome,knowingIwouldsee
mydadsoonenough,butnow,I’mgoingtofighthimtoothandnail.ThethingsIwantto
sayaresougly,theymakemegrimaceindisgust.

“IhavetogetawayfromyoubeforeIsaysomethingI’mgoingtoregret,”Iwhisper,

pullingawayfromhimandcrawlingoffthebed.

Ifitwaspossible,I’dswearthatVanhadsmokecomingfromhisears.He’ssopissed

offthathisfaceisbloodred,andhiseyesaresparklingdangerously.I’veneverseenhim
somad,butIdon’tcare.I’mmad,too,angrierthanIhavebeeninalongtime.KnowingI
havetogobeforethingsdeteriorateevenfurther,Iturnaway.Ibarelymakeitafoot
beforeVan’sarmsarewrappedaroundme.

“Wherethefuckdoyouthinkyou’regoing?”heasks,tighteninghishold.“We

alreadytalkedaboutthis.YousleepwhereIsleep.”

IfhethinksI’msleepinginthesamebedwithhim,he’scrazy.“I’mnotsleepingwith

youtonight.Ineedsometimeonmyown.”

AsIfinishmysentence,Vantossesmeonthebedandcomesdownonme.Withhis

weightholdingmedown,Icanfeelhishardlengthpressingagainstmycore.Heatfillsmy
body,butIdomybesttoignoreitandattempttobuckhimoff.AsmuchasIfight,he
staysinplace.

“YouknowwhatI’msayingisright,sostopbeingsofuckingstubborn,”hegrowls,

holdingmyhandsovermyhead.“Titowillbehomesoon,andyoucanseehimthen.”

I’mabouttogivehimanotherpieceofmymind,lethimknowI’mnotpissedabout

visitingDad,buthislipscomedownonmine,andmywordsdieaquickdeath.Myanger
instantlyturnstolust.I’mstillfightinghim,butthefighthaschanged.Insteadofwanting
himoffme,Inowamfightingtogethiminsideme.

Hereleasesmyhandsandoneofhisfistsmyhair.Hisotherhandstrokesalongthe

sideofmyribcage,causingmybodytoquiverinvoluntarily.Histongueinvadesmy
mouthashegrindshishardcockagainstmylace-coveredpussy.Hishandroamsbetween
mylegs,hisfingertipgrazingmyclit.Iwanttostillbemad,Ishouldbemad,butmybody
isdefyingme.Imoanintohismouth,wrappingmylegsaroundhiships.

Thesoundoffabricrippingcausesmetopullmymouthaway,andIfeelthecoolair

touchingmyslit.“Youjustrippedmypanties.”

Vangivesmeanonchalantshrug,lettingmeknowhecouldn’tcareless.“IfIhad

toldyoutoremovethem,youwould’vebitchedthatIwastellingyouwhattodo.”

Myangercomesbackinatidalwave,butIkeepmylipsshut.Iwantmine,wantto

getoffbeforeIgivehimhell.Heletsgoofmyhairlongenoughtoreachinthebedside
table.Heopensthedrawer,runshishandinside,thenliftshisbodyoffmine.

“Motherfucker,”hegrowls,lookingbackatme.“I’moutofcondoms.”

“IhaveanIUD,”IsaybeforeIcanconsidertheramificationsofmywords.“Iknow

I’mclean.Areyou?”

Thisisnotaconversationweshouldbehavingrightnow,notwhenwejusthadour

firstrealargument.Iknowthisisatopicforanothertime,butIwanthiminsideme.
Uncoveredornot,Iwanttofeelhimmovinginme.

Heblinksatmebeforeanswering.“Iwastestedlastmonth.Cleanasawhistle.”

Islowlynodathim,givinghimpermissionwithoutsayingthewords.Hejustlooks

atmewithheatinhiseyesandbringshishardnesstomycore.Hedoesn’tmakeasound
asheburieshimselfdeep.Notfalteringinhismovements,hethrustshardandfast.My
legswraparoundhiswaist,myhipsmatchinghimthrustforthrust.

Mysexripplesaroundhiscock,lettingusbothknowthatIamalreadyreadyto

come.Inandout,hemoveswithadesperationthatIhaven’tfeltbefore.Withinminutes,
histhrustsbecomeerraticbutstilljustaspowerful.Hishandworksitswaybetweenour
bodies,findingmyclit.Hepinchesitbetweentwofingersandgivesitaquicktwist.

Theextrasimulationsendsmeovertheedge,causingmybodytoexplodeinpure

bliss.Irideitout,holdinghisbodyclosetomine.Thesluggishnessthatcomeswitha
reallyhardorgasmisjuststartingtofillmybodywhenheburieshimselfdeepinsideme
andgrowlsouthisownrelease.

WhenI’mfinallyabletostringwordstogetheragain,Ismileathim.“Ilikeangry

sex.We’regonnahavetotrythatagain.”

Grabbingahandfulofhaironceagain,heforcesmetolookintohiseyes,andIknow

thathumorwasn’tthewaytogo.“Idon’tcarehowmuchofaproblemyouhavewithit,
whenit’sforyourownsafety,IexpectyoutodowhatIsay.”

Inod,knowingheisright.Hehasputhislifeontheline,puthisdaughter’slifeon

theline,tokeepmesafe.TheleastIcandoismakehisjobeasier.

“Okay,”Isaysimply,notwantingtofightwithhimanymore.

“Myoldladyisn’tgonnagetherasshurt,notonmywatch,andnotwhenIcan

preventit,”hestates,causingmyheadtospin.

Thisisthefirsttimehe’scalledmehisoldlady,andI’mnotquitesurehowtotakeit.

Iwanttobehis,wanthimtobemine,butthisseemssofastforsomethingsobig.
ConsideringI’vealreadytoldhimIlovehim,IguessIwastheonewhosetthispace.I
justwishthatavowalsoflovecamewithhisclaim.

“Doyouwanttocleanup?”heasksasherollsoffme.

“Yeah,”Imumble,ayawnslippingout.

Hekissesthetopofmyheadandtapsmyass.“Hurryup,darlin’.Iwanttogoto

sleep,andthat’snotgonnahappenuntilyou’rebackinmyarms.”

Inod,climbingoutofbedandrushingtothebathroom.AssoonasI’mdone,Ihead

backtothebedandcuddleintohisside.Layingmyhandoverhisheart,itsbeatlullsmeto
sleepwithasmileonmyface.

ChapterTwenty-Four

Van

AsIwalkuptosecurity,amaninuniformnarrowshiseyesatme,whileawomaninthe
sameuniformsendsmeaflirtysmile.Lookingcloselyather,IrealizeIknowher,know
herinsideandout.Shemayspendherdaysbeingasecurityguardatthejailhouse,butshe
spendsherdowntimetrollingthelocalbars,lookingforawalkonthewildside.Iliftmy
chininherdirectionbeforewalkingthroughthemetaldetectors.

“Ineedyoutostepoverhere.”Themandecidestoplayasshole,pullingmetothe

sideforapatdown.

Thisdickheadhasbeenworkinghereforyears,givingallthebrothersahardtime

eachtimewewalkedthroughthedoor.Hedoesn’tliketheclub,doesn’tunderstandwhat
RiotMCisabout.Becauseofthat,hemakesourlivesalivinghelleverytimewewalk
throughthedoor.Consideringatleastoneofusisusuallywastingawayinacell,that
happensafuckinglot.

“Holdyourarmsoutandspreadyourlegswide,”heorders,puffinghischestoutlike

he’scockoftheblock.

Whenhefindsnothingonhisfirstgo,hestartstheprocessoveragain.Thistime,he

stickshishandsinmypocketsandrunsthembetweenmylegsinhissearchfor
contraband.HowthefuckI’msupposedtogetanythingthroughaplaneofshatterproof
glass,I’llneverknow.Irollmyeyeswhenhebrushesovermycock,tryingtokeepfrom
reachingoutandgrabbingtheassholebythethroat.

Lookinghimintheeyes,ImakesureheseesthatIhavehadenough.“Forfuture

reference,Idon’tswingthatway.Ifyou’vegottaplaywithmycockjusttosearchme,I’d
ratherhaveyoursidekickdothejob.”

“Whatever,”hemumbles,finallysteppingback.“You’reclear.”

“Takeaseatatthelastcubicle.Mr.Cashwillbeoutinjustaminute,”thewoman

sayswithatwinkleofmischiefinhereyes.

Idoasshesays,crossingmyfeetandleaningbackinthechair.Ittakesacouple

minutes,buthefinallyappearsontheothersideoftheglassandsitsdown.Ilookhim
overreallyquick,notseeinganysignsoftrouble.Morethanonce,ourbrothershave
foundthemselvesonthewrongsideoftheguards.Gladtoseethathasn’thappenedwith
Tito.Hepicksupthephonereceivernexttohim,andIdothesame.

“Ithoughtyouhadbetterthingstodothanvisitmyass.PrettysureImadethatclear

beforeIstartedwearingthisorangesuit,”hesays,hiseyesspeakingvolumes.

IknowTitoisreferringtomeprotectingRonni,soIgivehimtheinformationhe

needs.“Brassisdoingthosebetterthingsrightnow.”

Heslowlynods,lettingoutarelievedbreath.“How’rethegirls?”

BothofusknownottomentionRonni’sname,nothere.Therearetoomanyfucking

peoplelistening.Everythingwearesayingisrecorded,andthatrecordingcouldbebought
forenoughmoney.ConsideringBennyGillespiehasamilliondollarsontheline,he’d
probablybemorethanwillingtopaytolistentoourconversation.

“ClineishangingoutwithheruncleBrasstoday,”Isay,lettinghimknowaboutone

ofhisgirls,thengoontotheother.“She’smadeanewbestfriend.Thetwoofthemare
attachedatthehip.TheyweremakingapiewhenIleftthehouse.”

“Iknewmygranddaughterhadgoodtaste,”Titosays,asatisfiedsmileonhisface.

WhereMomdidn’thaveshittodowithCline,Titoishergramps.Hespoilsher

fuckingrotten,makingsuresheknowshowmuchhelovesher.AsmuchasIhateitfor
Dad,Iknow,whenhegetsout,hewillalwayscomeinsecondtoTitoinCline’seyes.

Ifigurethere’snoneedinbeatingaroundthebush.Mightaswellgoonandtalk

aboutwhatbroughtmehere.“Thatthingyouhadbeenwaitingforfinallygotdelivered.
We’rekeepingitsafeuntilyougethome.”

“TookthemabitlongertodeliverthanIthoughtitwould.Ihopeit’sstillinone

piece,”hesays,lettingmeknowheknowswhatwearetalkingabout.

ThinkingaboutMiles’bruisedandbatteredbody,Ianswerhonestly.“Theboxwasa

littlebeatup,butIdon’tthinkanythingisbroken.”

Henods,waitingformetosaymore.Irunthroughmymind,tryingtodecidewhat

tobringupnext.Mymother’sfaceflashesinmymind,makingthedecisionforme.Just
aswelltogetthisshitoutoftheway.

“Yourroommateiscausingproblems.She’smakingafuckingmess,spreadingtrash

farandwide,”Iattempttoexplain.Withinseconds,Iseerealizationflashinhiseyes.

Icanseethequestiononhisfacebeforeheasks.“Hasanyonecomplained?”

Iknowwhathe’sasking.Hewantstoknowifshehascausedanyproblemsforthe

club.Shehasn’t,butshewillifthisshitisn’tstoppednow.

“Yourememberthatnewchick,theonewhomovedtotownafewweeksago?”I

say,knowinghewillunderstandI’mtalkingaboutRonni.“Yourroommateshowedupat
herhouseandactedlikeafuckinglunatic.I’mthinking,ifyoudon’tkickherassout,
there’sgonnabeproblemsbetweenthetwoofthem.”

Hisbodyvisiblyshakes,lettingmeknowheispissedashell.“Itoldthatbitchnotto

goanywherenearher.”

Knowingheistooangrytowatchwhathesays,Ileanforwardandtapontheglass.

“Yourroommatedoesn’tlistenwell.Youknowthatistrue.Ithinkitmaybeagoodideaif

Ievictherforyou.”

“Yeah,goonandtellhershehastogo,”heagrees,tryingtocontrolhistemper.“I

wantherassoutofmyhousebytheendoftheday.”

Iletoutarelievedbreath,gladtohaveonelessproblemtoworryabout.Ican’twait

tokickMom’sasstothecurb.It’sgoingtobemypleasuretojerkhercutoff.Thebitch
doesn’tdeservetobewearingRiotMCcolors.ThinkingaboutMom’soldladycutmakes
methinkofRonniwearingone.ItoldmyselfIwasgoingtowaittotellTitoaboutRonni
andme.Sittinghere,IknowIcan’twaitaminutelonger.

“I’mclaiminganoldlady,alreadydidreally,”Iannounce,notgivingmyselftimeto

thinktwiceaboutmywords.“She’ssomeoneyouknowreallywell.She’sthenewgirlin
town,theoneyourroommateisgivinghell.”

I’msurprisedasshitwhenasmilespreadsacrosshisface.Hedoesn’tsayanything

foralongminute,justsitsbackandgrinsmyway.Afteraminute,hemoveshisface
towardtheglassandloseshissmile.

“Ihopeyouknowhowimportantthisdecisionis.Ifitendsbadly,itcouldfuckup

yourwholelife,”hesays,hisvoiceholdingahintofathreat.

Ileanforward,too,lookinghimintheeye.“ThisisthemostimportantthingIhave

everdoneinmylife.NofuckingwayamIgonnaletitendbadly.”

Mywordsseemtoappeasehimashenods.“Nodoubtinmymindyouchosewell.

Also,Ithinkshechosewell,too.”

Ikeepmymouthshut,expectinghimtosaymore.Whenhedoesn’t,Iletmylipstip

upandleanbackinmychair.Ifeelliketheweightoftheworldhasbeenliftedoffmy
shoulders.ThethoughtofpissingTitooffhasweighedmedown.I’mnotscaredofhim,
notscaredofanyone,butIdidn’twanttodisappointhim.

“Mylittlevacationturnedoutgood,”Isay,movingtheconversationtoournext

topic.“IthinkIgotalltherelaxationIneeded.Evenmetafewnewfriendswhoareready
totakemynextvacationwithme.”

“Youcanneverhavetoomanyfriends.”Titonods,lettingmeknowthathe

understandsI’mtalkingaboutourtriptoTennessee.“Makesureyouletyourfriends
know,I’llbetheretohelpplanyournextvacation.”

“Theyalreadyknow,”Isay,runningmyhandovermymustache.

ItrytothinkofawaytotellhimaboutErinwithoutmentioningthephones.Ican’t

bringherdownwithouthispermission,butIdon’twanttowaituntilhegetshome.Iwant
toseeifshecandowhatweneed.Ifshecan,thatwillbeonelessthingformetoworry
about.

“Imayhaveanewroommatesoon.I’mstillthinkingaboutit;it’sabigstep.”Ipick

mywordscarefully.“She’ssupposedtobeawhizwiththecomputer.Ihope,byhaving
heraround,shemaybeabletohelpwithalittletechnicalproblemI’mhaving.”

AsIfinishmysentence,Ilooktothesideandseethemaleguardglaringatme.He

obviouslyknowsthatwearetalkingaboutsomethingthatwedon’twantanyonetoknow

about.Ifanyonewithhalfabrainlistenedtoourconversation,they’dknowthesame
thing.Aslongastheydon’tunderstandthemeaningbehindourwords,itdoesn’tmatter
onefuckingbit.

“DoIknowher?”Titoasks,drawingmyattentionbacktohim.

“Youknowher.She’safriendofafriend,”Isaywithaslownod.“You’ve

mentionedhernameatimeortwo,talkedabouthowsheworkedoncomputers.”

Icantellwhenthelightbulbclicks,andTitocatchesontowhatI’msaying.Hemay

notrealizeexactlywhatIwantherfor,buthehasaprettygoodidea.Hesaidhimselfthat
thebitchisafuckinggeniuswithtechnicalshit.

“Whatdoyouthinkoftheidea?ShouldIgetanewroommate?”Iask,hopinghe

agreeswithme.

Henods,leaningbackinhischairagain.“It’syourhouserightnow.Ifyouthinkit’s

agoodidea,thengoforit.”

TitohasbeeninsideatimeortwosinceItooktheVPpatch.Eachtime,hesaysthe

samething.I’mincharge,andthereisnoneedtoruneverythingbyhim.Istillcometo
himwithimportantshit,knowinghedeservestohavehisinput.

“Hopefully,she’llbeherebytheweekend.”I’mgladIhavehisgoahead.

“Soundsgoodtome.”Titonods,ahalf-smileonhisface.

Beforeeitherofuscansaymore,theguardannouncesthattimeisupforourvisit.

Wesayaquickgoodbyebeforeanotherguardistheretoescorthimbacktohiscell.As
soonasthedoorshutsbehindhim,I’moutofmychairandwalkingoutthedoor.

BeforeIstepoutside,theassholeguardcallsouttome.“Nexttimeyoucometo

visit,don’twearyourvestinhere.Tellyourfriendsthesamething.”

“Notgonnahappen,”Icallback,walkingoutthedoorwithasmileonmyface.

ChapterTwenty-Five

Van

EventhoughI’dratherheadhome,IgostraightfromthejailtoTito’shouse.IknowI
shouldfeelatleastahintofregret,tellingmymotherthatshenolongerhasahomeor
protectionoftheclub.Shehasfuckeduptoomanytimesformetofeelmuchatallwhen
itcomestoher,though.AllIfeelrightnowishappinessatthethoughtofherfinallybeing
outofmylife.

AsIpulluptothestopsigndownthestreetfromTito’s,Iseeabikepullingoutof

thedriveway.Fromthisdistance,it’shardtotellmuchaboutthebike,butsomething
aboutitlooksfamiliar.Knowingmymother,there’snotellingwhoshe’sspreadingher
legsfor.Hopelikefuckitisn’toneofmybrothers.

Pullingintothedriveway,Iparkbesidetheporchandclimboffmybike.Idragout

myphoneandsendatexttoTazandWalker,lettingthemknowtheyareneededatTito’s
houseandtobringtheboxtruckandafewprospects.Hopefully,theycangetherassout
ofherebeforedark.Idon’twaitforaresponse,knowingtheywillheadmyway,no
questionsasked.

Walkinguptothefrontdoor,Icansmellthetangyscentofweedcomingfrom

inside.Whoevershehadherewithher,heatleasthadsomegoodweed.Shebetterhope
hehasagoodhouse,too,becauseshe’sgoingtoneedsomewheretostaytonight.Ifnot,
herassisgoingtobelivingoutofacheaphotel.

Poundingacoupleoftimesonthedoor,Iwaitforhertocomeanswerit.Inormally

wouldn’tbotherknockingonthedoor,seeingasitwasmyhome,butI’mnottakingthe
chancethatsheisstillundressed.NowayIwanttowalkinandseethat.Shekeepsme
waiting,soIpoundalittleharderthesecondtime.Whensheopensthedoorwearinga
robeandseesit’sme,thesmileshehasonherfacedisappears.

“Ididn’texpecttoseeyouaroundhere.Ain’tyougotawhoreathometotakecare

of?”shesaysinabitchyvoice,tighteningherrobe.

Myhandballsintoafist,andittakeseveryounceofwillpowerIhaveinmenotto

punchinherfuckingface.“No,mywomanisfine.You’retheonlywhoreIhavetotake
careoftoday.”

ConfusioncrossesherfaceasshetriestofigureoutwhatI’mtalkingabout.Idon’t

givehertimetoquestionmebeforewalkinginsideandlookingatthelivingroom.The

placeisafuckingmess.Discardedclothesarescatteredalloverthefloor,whilebeercans
andemptytakeoutcontainerscovereverytableintheroom.Iwalkthroughthehouse,
seeingeachroomisjustasbadasthelast.Eventhescentofreallykillerweedisn’t
enoughtokillthesmellofthefilthsurroundingme.

“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasksinashout,justasIstarttoclimbthestairs.

“YouhavetwohourstogetwhatyouwanttokeepandgetthefuckoutofTito’s

house.You’renolongerwelcomehere,atmyhouse,oratanyclub-ownedproperties.”

Shestartsshoutingquestions,butIignorethemandwalkstraighttoherroom.

Pushingthedooropen,Iseeheroldlady’scuthangingonthehookontheclosetdoor.I
walkoverandgrabit.Shetriestopullitoutmyhand,butIignoreherandstompback
downthestairs.

Unabletostandthefunkofthehouseamomentlonger,Istepontotheporchandpull

outmyswitchblade.Imakequickworkofthestitchesholdingonheroldlady’spatch,
withherscreamingtheentiretime.IcontinueignoringherasImovemyknifetoTito’s
propertypatch.Hispatchgoesintomypocket,hopinghewillfindsomeonebettertogive
itto,whileheroldlady’spatchisfistedinmyfreehand.

“Van,whatthefuckareyouthinking?”shescreams,tryingtopullherplainblack

vestfrommyhand.

Iletherhaveit,knowingit’snothingmorethanapieceofleathernow.Iwalkinto

theyardandpulloutmylighter.Iruntheflameunderthepatchuntilitcatches,thenletit
burnuntiltheflamesnipatmyfinger,andIdropittotheground.

Afterwatchingitturntoash,Ilookbackather.“Theboyswillbeheresoontoload

youup.Youbettergetpacking.TazandWalkerwillbehereinafewminutestomakesure
youdon’ttakewhat’snotyours.”

Shehasalookoffearonherfaceasshestuttersonherwords.“Whatthehellare

youtalkingaboutnow?”

“WhatdoyouthinkImean?”Icockmybrowather,wonderingifshereallyisas

fuckingstupidasshesounds.“Itoldyou.Fuck,everyonetoldyou,butyoujustwouldn’t
listen.Youhavepulledyourshitforthelasttime.You’renolongerRiot.”

“Titowouldn’tletyoudothis,”shesays,hervoicefilledwithcondescension.“When

hefindsoutaboutthis,youwillbetheonelosingyourcut.”

HearingthatshethinksTitogivesarat’sasswhathappenstohercausesmetolaugh.

I’malwayssurprisedathowblindapersoncanbe,andmymotherisobviouslythe
blindestofall.Titoquitgivingashitaboutheralongtimeago,ifheevercaredatall.

“Whodoyouthinksentmeonthislittleerrand?”Iask,seeingthefinalityofmy

wordshitherfullforce.

Hervoicefillswithfearassheasks,“WhatamIsupposedtodonow?”

“Asoffiveminutesago,youaren’tpartofmyclubanymore,sothatisnolongerany

ofmyfuckingbusiness,”Isaywithacarefreeshrug.

ThelookoffearisreplacedwithangerasIpushpastherandwalkbackintothe

house.Sheattemptstograbmebythearm,butthere’snowayI’mlettingherfucking
handsanywherenearme.Grabbingherhandmidway,Isqueezeithardenoughtolether
knowthatI’mnotfuckingaroundthenslingitaway.

“Don’tfuckingtouchme,”Iwarninadeadlyvoiceandkeepwalkingbackintothe

house.

Takingacloserlookatthings,Iseeabaggieofcokelyingonthetable.Iwalkover

andslideitintomypocketthenstartdiggingfortherestofherstash.Nodoubt,thebitch
hasbeenspendingmoneyonthisshit.Nofuckingwayisshetakingitwithher.

Knowingherlikethebackofmyhand,Iwalkovertothetelevisionandrunmyhand

overthebackoftheTVstand.WhenIfeelwhatIamlookingfor,Ipullouttheoldmetal
lunchboxshehaskeptherstashinforever.Openingit,Ican’tbelievehowmuchshitshe
has.

“That’smine!”sheshouts,tryingtopullitoutofmyhand.

Islamitclosedandshakemyhead.“Imustnothavemadethisclearenoughforyou,

butyouaren’ttakingshitbutyourclothesandthefurnitureinyourbedroom.”

WhenMommovedinwithTito,shebroughtthebedroomsetmyfatherboughther.

AsfarasIknow,thatistheonlyfuckingthingshehaseverbroughtintothishouse.She
sureinthefuckdidnotworktobuyanythingelse.

“Youcan’tjustkickmeout.WherethehellwillIgo?”sheshouts,notgettinga

responsefromme.“Doyounotcareaboutyourownmother?Areyoureallygoingto
leavemetoliveonthestreet?”

Thesoundofapproachingbikeskeepsmefromhavingtoanswerher.Ileaveher

screamingandheadbacktothedoor.MyeyesaregluedonTazandWalkerastheycome
toastopandparkrightbesidemybike.WhenIlookdowntheroad,Iseetheboxtruck
onlyaminutebehindthem.

Istayquietuntiltheybothgettotheporch.“SheisnolongerthePres’oldlady,and

she’snotpartofRiotMCanymoreeither.Titohaseighty-sixedherforlife.”

Ihearmymother’sgaspfrombehindme,butIignoreitandstartissuingorders.

“Shehastwohourstopack.Youtwoneedtomakesureshedoesn’ttakeanythingthat
isn’thers.Shegetsherclothesandthefurnitureinherbedroom,butnotafuckingthing
else.”

“Noproblem,brother,”Tazanswers,sendingasneerinmymother’sdirection.

LikeBrass,Tazfuckinghatesher.ThebitchactuallyhadtheballstotellTitothatshe

didn’twantTazaroundher,saidhisblindeyefreakedherout.Ofcourse,shedidthisin
frontofthewholefuckingclub,evenTaz.IthoughtTitowasgoingtostrangleher,butTaz
stoppedhim,sayinghewasokay.Hesaidhewasn’ttoohappyabouthavingtobearound
hereither;crazycuntshavealwaysfreakedhimout.

Walkerwalksupandplacesahandonmyshoulder.“ThisisoneorderthatI’m

gonnaenjoythehelloutoffollowing.”

Ilookathim,surprisedbyhiswords.Wherenearlyeveryoneofmybrothershas

talkedshitaboutMom,Walkerhasneversaidawordabouther.Iguess,notsaying
anythingwashiswayoflettingmeknowhowhereallyfelt.

WhenIseetheboxtruckcometoastopandafewprospectspileout,Ilooktomy

brothers.“I’mout.Makesuresomeonechangesthelocksbeforey’allleave.Ifyouhave
anyissues,letmeknow.”

BeforeIcanevenstepofftheporch,mymother’sfingernailsarecuttingintomy

arms.Sheissayingsomething,butIcan’tmakeoutthewordsthroughtheredhazeof
angerfillingme.Itakeadeepbreath,tryingtokeepfromsnappingherfuckingneckand
trytopullaway.Shejustlatchesondeeper,digginghernailsdeepintomyskin.

“IsthisbecauseofVeronica?Itis,isn’tit?I’mlosingeverythingbecauseofher,”she

says,hervoicefilledwithpanic.“I’llbenicetoher,Iswear.Justgivemeonemore
chance.I’lltreathergood,neversayanotherbadthingtoher.”

“No,youwon’t,”Imumble,knowingherwordsarenothingbutlies.

“Ipromise,Van,”shepleads,beggingformetogivein.

Itrytopullawayoncemore,notwillingtowastemybreathontalkingtoher.When

thatdoesn’twork,somethinginsidemesnaps.Withouteventhinking,Ireachupwithmy
freearmandwrapmyfingersaroundthebitch’sthroat.Walkingbackward,Islamherup
againstthewall,keepingmyeyesgluedtohers.

“Didn’tIalreadytellyoutokeepyourfuckinghandsoffme,woman?”Iask,my

voicefilledwithmenace.

Whenshetriestonodherhead,myfingersgettighter.Istareather,watchingher

faceturnadeepshadeofred.Myeyesstaylatchedonherastheredturnstoblue.Her
eyesstarttodim,andsomethingdeepinsideofmeisenjoyingwatchingthelifedrainout
ofher.

“Ifyoudon’tletup,brother,you’regonnakillher.Ifyouwanthertolive,youmay

wanttoconsiderlooseningyourholdatleastabit,”Walkersays,soundinglikehe
couldn’tgiveafuckeitherway.

Hiswordshavemelooseningmyhold.Ifinallyletgo,lettingherfallintoaheap

nearmyfeet.Myeyesstaytrainedonherwhileshegaspsandattemptstopullindeep
breathsoflife-savingair.Whenshefinallyfillsherlungs,shelooksupatmewithpure
fearcoveringherface.

“You’reluckyIletyoulive.Tomorrow,youmaynotbesolucky.Isuggestyouget

thefuckoutoftown.You’llstayawayifyouknowwhat’sgoodforyou.”Igiveheralook
filledwithpurehate.“Goodbye,Kendra.”

Iwalkawaywithasmileonmyface,knowingIwillneverhavetoseethatbitch

again.

ChapterTwenty-Six

Veronica

Stickingthepanoflasagnainthepreheatedoven,IlookupandseethebiggrinonCline’s
face.Shewasactingweirdthismorning,whiningandsayingshedidn’tfeelgood.She
beggedVantoletherstayhomefromschool.Herefused,andherwhiningturnedintoa
full-oncryingfit.Itdidn’ttakehimlongtorealizethatwhathappenedwithher
grandmotherwasbotheringher,sohedecidedshecouldmissoneday.

Sincethen,shequitcryingbuthasbeenwatchful.IfImoved,shedid,too.Idoubt

shehasbeenmorethanafewfeetfrommesinceshecrawledoutofbed.I’mguessingshe
isstillthinkingabouttheshitKendrapulled.Evenatsix,sheismakingsuresheisaround
toprotectmeifneeded.Thatthoughtmakesmewanttobawlmyeyesout.

Ishuttheovendoorandturnonthetimerbeforepullingthestepstoolovertothe

sinkandmotioningathertocomeover.“Okay,Cline,it’stimetowashthesauceoffyour
hands.Then,we’llgowatchsomeTVuntilsupperisready.”

Shedoesasshe’stold,lookingovertowherewehavetwofreshapplepiescooling

onthecounter.“CanwehaveapieceofpiewhilewewatchTV?”

Rightafterbreakfast,oneoftheoldladiesstoppedbywithtwobigbagsofapples.

TosayIwasshockedtodiscoveranoldladygrewherownappleswouldbean
understatement,butIwashappytohavethecompany,andClinewasmorethanhappyto
haveherfavoritefruit.Assoonasthewomanleft,Istartedpeelingandworkedonthe
pies.

“Thoseareforafterdinner,”Isay,bendingdowntowhispermynextwords.“But,

youmaybeabletotalkmeintogivingyouanextrapiecebeforeyougotobed.”

Shesmilesupatme,slingingwaterallovertheplace.Ilookdownintoherbeautiful

blueeyes,smilingback.Inthatinstant,IrealizejusthowattachedIhavegottentoher.I
don’tthinkofherasjustmyman’sdaughter.No,sheiscompletelyseparatefromVan.My
loveforherishersalone,nothavingonedamnthingtodowiththewayIfeelabouther
father.

Shakingoffthethoughts,Ihelphergetherhandswashedanddried.Iamjust

pushingthestoolbackagainstthewallwhenIhearthesoundofamotorcycleoutside.My
smilegrows;Imissedhim,eventhoughhehasonlybeengoneafewhours.

“Daddy’shome!”Clineshouts,clappingherhandswithexcitement.

Inodandgrabherhand.Wewalkintothelivingroomandwaitforhimtocome

inside.Denvercomesbarrelingdownthehall,stoppinginhistracksbesidethedoor.Brass
isalreadystandingthere,apensivelookonhisface.Itworriesme,butIignoreit.
Worryingisn’tgoingtogetmeanywherebecausehesureinthehellisn’tgoingtotellme
whatisgoingon.

“You’restayingforsupper,aren’tyou?”Iask,tryingtofocusonsomethingelse.

“Ihaveheardthetwoofyouinthatkitchenforoveranhour.Iknowwhatyou’re

making,andthere’snowayI’dmissit,”hesays,withahalf-smile.

Brasshardlyevercomesoverforbreakfast,butheeatsdinnerwithusatleastfive

nightsaweek.Thefewnightshedoesmiss,hecomesoverinthemorningtoraidthe
fridgeforleftovers.Itdidn’ttakemelongtofigureoutIneedtomakehimaplate,even
whenheisn’there.

Hearingthedooropen,Clinetakesoffrunningtomeetherdaddy.Vanreactsjustas

shebarrelsintohim,catchingherandliftingherupinhisarms.Shepeppershisfacewith
kissesashegivesherribsaquicktickle.

“DidyouandRonnihaveagooddaytoday?”heasks,walkingmyway.

Shenodsherheadfranticallyassheanswers,“Wemadelasagnafordinner,and

UncleBrassisgoingtostayandeatwithus.”

“Ofcourse,heis,”Vansays,puttingherdown.“WhendoesUncleBrassnotstay

whenyouandRonnicook?”

“Hecan’thelpitthathelikesgoodfood,”Isayasheleansdownandbrusheshislips

overmine.

Ilookintohisbrightblueeyesandbitemylip.Iwanttoaskaboutmydadbutdon’t

wanttopushhimaboutit.He’lltellmewhenhegetsready.Atleast,Ihopehewill.

“Yourdadisdoinggood,butheismissinghisgirls,”hetellsme,obviouslyreading

mymind.“Hegavemesomegoodnewsforyou.”

BeforeIcanaskanyquestions,Clinepipesin.“Who’syourdad,Ronni?”

Idon’tgetthechancetoanswerherquestionbecauseVandoesitforme.“Grampsis

Ronni’sdad,babygirl.”

“Gramps?”shebreathesout,soundingamazed.

I’mabitamazedmyself.IknewDadwasclosetoCline,butIhadnoideahewas

herGramps.I’mnotsurewhyitsurprisesme,consideringhowmuchhetalksabouther.It
warmsmyheart,knowingthiswonderfullittlegirlconsidersmyfatherfamily.

“YouneedtogetErinonthephoneandseewhenshecancome,”Vanstates,

bringingmeoutofmythoughts.

“What?”Iwhisper,excitementfillingmefromheadtotoe.

“Titoiscoolwithhercomingdown.”Hewrapshisarmsaroundmywaistandgives

measqueeze.“So,youneedtobegivingheracall.”

Mymindstartsrunningamillionmilesaminute,thinkingofallthethingsIwanther

tobringme.WhenIleftChicago,Iwasonlyallowedtwosuitcases,andoneofthosehad
tobeleftinNewYork.IhavewornthefewclothesIhavesomanydamntimes;I’mtired
ofevenlookingatthem.

“DoyouwanttogocallErinwithme?”Iask,lookingdownatCline.“Youcan

invitehertocomeseeus?”

Shedoesn’thesitatebeforenoddingandgrabbingmyhand.Wewalkintotheliving

room,wheretheonlycomputerinthehouseissittingonadeskinthecorner.Clinesitsin
thechairasIgetSkypeloadedandclickonErin’sname.Ittakesaminutetodoitsthing,
andthenmyfriend’ssmilingfaceisonthescreen.

Whenweappearonherend,shesays,“Hey,sweetie.Whatareyoudoingtoday?”

AfterIfinallyconvincedVanitwassafe,IstartedmakingdailySkypecallstomy

girls.Westilltextandtalkonthephone,butIlovebeingabletoseetheirfaces.Clinehas
beenhereduringmorethanafewofthesecalls,andshehasquicklybecomeenamored
withbothofmybestfriends.

“MyGrampssaidthatyoucouldcomeseeus,”shesaysinanearshout.“Please,

please,please,comeseeme.”

IcanhearBrassandVanchuckleasEringivesherquickagreement.“Ofcourse,I’ll

comevisityou,sweetpea.”

Clineturnsinherseattolookatherdad,aproudsmileonherface.“Erincallsme

sweetpeabecauseI’massweetaspeas.”

Theguyschuckleagain,butIfocusmyattentiononmyfriend.“DoyouthinkKat

cancome,too?”

“Thisisfinalsweek.Nowayshecangetaway.”Erinstartstoshakeherhead,letting

meknowit’snotgoingtohappen.

Shit,Ishouldhaveknownthat.BeingMay,Kat’swholeliferevolvesaroundfinals.

Ifsheisn’tpreparingforthemorgivingthem,sheisgrading.Iwishshecouldcome,too,
butIunderstand.

“You’vegottahurryandgethere.Wemadeapplepies,”Clinesays,notfully

understandingthatErindoesn’tjustlivedownthestreet.

“Erinwillhavetodrivehere,andit’lltakeafewhours,soitprobablywon’tbe

today,honey,”Iexplaintoher,hopingshewillunderstand.

“That’sright,sweetpea,”ErinsaysasCline’slipstartstopokeoutinapout.“It’s

gettingkindalatehere,soIprobablywon’tleaveuntiltomorrowmorning.”

Vantakesthatashiscuetobuttintotheconversation.“You’reeitherflying,orI’m

goingtosendsomeonetopickyouup.Ican’ttakethechanceofsomeonefollowingyou.”

Erin’seyesgohugeasshegetsherfirstlookatVan.“Fuck,pleasetellmeyou’renot

Van.Ifyouare,mygirlisgoingtokickmyassforthethingsI’mfanaticizingaboutdoing
toyourightatthismoment.”

Hislipstipup,buthedoesn’trespondtoherwords.“Doyouwantaplaneticket,or

wouldyouratherabrotherpickyouup?”

ErinlooksathimasecondmorebeforeshecatchesaglimpseofBrassstanding

behindhimandhereyeslightup.“Noflight.Sendhim.I’msurehe’llmakethetrip
interesting.”

IlookbackatBrass,seeingthecockysmileonhisface.Iletoutalaugh,knowing

havingmyfriendhereisgoingtobeevenmorefunthanIthought.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Veronica

MyphonebeepswithatextfromErin,lettingmeknowsheandBrassareonlyafewmiles
outoftown.Sheshouldbeheresoonbutnotsoonenough.Clinehasbeencryingall
morning,knowingshewasgoingtomissErin’sarrival.Whenwefirsttalked,myfriend
hadplannedtocomethenextday,butshehadforgottenshehadtogotocourtforsome
unpaidparkingtickets.TheonedayClinewastoldshewasgoingtohavetowaittosee
herturnedintothree.Now,it’sSunday,andClinehastogohomewithhermom.

“IwanttoseeErin,”Clinecries,lookingupatmewithsadpuppydogeyes.

Leaningmyheaddown,Iplaceagentlekissagainsthersoftredhair.“Iknow,

honey.I’msosorryshecouldn’tcomesooner.”

Sittingonthecouch,Clinehasbeencuddledtomysideforthelasthalfhour,crying

hereyesout.Shehasbeenthrowingascreamingfiteversinceshegotoutbed.Gonewas
thelittleangelthatIhaveknownthelastfewweeks,andafightingdemontookherplace.
Denverhasn’tlikediteither;hekeepstryingtogetinherlap,wantingtobeclosetoher.I
wouldliketothinkit’sallaboutmissingErin,butIthinkit’smorethanthat.Inreality,she
justdoesn’twanttogobacktoherMom’shouse.

Heatedvoicesmaketheirwaytomyears,remindingmethatVanandReginaare

arguingontheporchagain.Theyhavebeengoingatitfornearlythirtyminutes,andthey
justkeepgettinglouder.Denverliftshishead,hisearsperkingup,ashekeepslooking
frommetothedoorway.IpullClinecloser,coveringherears.Irockherbackandforth,
doingmybesttocomforther,butitdoesn’tseemtobehelping.

AssoonasIhearthedooropening,mybodyjerksandIpullClinetighter.Ikeepmy

eyesgluedtotheentrancetothelivingroomuntilVanwalksintotheroom.Helooksat
me,andit’shardtotellanythingbyhisexpression.Untilabigsmilespreadsacrosshis
face.

“Ihandledit,justlikeIsaidIwould,”hestates,notquitehidingthelingeringanger

inhisvoice.

“What?”ClineandIaskatthesametime.

“AfterItalktomylawyerinthemorning,youwon’tbeseeingyourmomfora

while.Eventhen,sheisn’tgoingtogetmorethanvisitsatmyhouse,”hetellsCline,
comingovertopullheroutofmyarms.“ItoldyouDaddywouldfixeverything.”

“Really?”heasks,placingherlittlehandsonhisunshavencheeks.

“Ipromise,darlin’.”Henods,lookingintohereyes.“You’rehome,darlin’.Thisis

whereyou’llbestayingallthetimefromnowon.”

Sheletsoutasoundofsuchreliefthatittearsmyheartintwo,thenshedropsher

headontohisshoulder.Helooksatme,hiseyesshinywithunshedtears.Myowntearsare
falling,knowingthathejustperformedamiracle.Ikeeplookingathim,watchinghim
fighttheemotionstryingtobreakfree.Iremembermydadtellingmeamandoesn’tcry,
buthewaswrong.Thisistheperfecttimetocry.

“Sheisnevergonnabemeantoyouagain,babygirl.Never,”hesays,notlettingone

singletearfall.

HetalkedtoClinealotoverthelastweek,askingquestionsbutnotpushingfor

answers.Only,lastnight,shebrokedownandtoldhimhowhermomhadbeentreating
her.Itwasn’tterrible,notcomparedtowhatsomekidsgothrough,butitwasbadenough.

Thebitchtoldhershewasgoingtogrowuptobeapieceofshit,justlikeherfather,

remindingmesomuchofmymomandTimothy.ShealsokeptClineonastrictdiet,
tellingthesix-year-oldshewasgettingfat.Vanseemedrelieved,nothappybutgladit
wasn’tworse.Ididn’thavethehearttotellhimshewouldn’tadmittheworstuntilshe
knewhermomcouldn’thurtheranymore.

Hegivesherakissonthecheekbeforereleasingher.“Runonupstairsandwash

yourface.Idon’twanttoseeanymoretearswhenyoucomeback.”

“Okay,Daddy,”shewhispers,runningoutoftheroomlikeshe’sonfirewithDenver

followingbehindher.

Vanwaitsuntilsheisoutoftheroom,thencomesoverandsitsdownbesideme.He

pullsmeintohisarms,buryinghisfaceinmyhair.Hisarmsaresotight,Icanbarely
breathe,butIrefusetomoveamuscle.Instead,IjustpullinwhatlittleairIcangetandlet
himtakethecomfortheneeds.

“Icouldhavekilledher,”hemumbles,pullingawayjustenoughtolookatme.“I

swear,Icouldhaveputabulletrightbetweenthatbitch’seyes.”

“Whathappened?”Iask,almostscaredofwhathisanswerwouldbe.

“ItalkedtoherabouttheshitClinetoldme,andshelostherfuckingmind,”hesays,

hisbodytautwithanger.“Shestartedsayingshit,crazyshit.Shetoldmesheshouldhave
abortedmydaughter,saidpeoplewouldhaveconsidereditapublicservicetokeepmore
trashfromlitteringourstreets.”

Mystomachdropsasbileworksitswayupmythroat,knowingClinehadprobably

heardthoseexactwordsleavehermother’slips.Shemaynotunderstandexactlywhat
theymean,butsheknowsenoughforthemtocauseheraworld’sworthofpain.

“Whatkindofmotherwouldsayshitlikethat?”heasks,lookingcompletely

confused.“Momwasfuckedup,butshewasn’tthatbad.”

“Minedid,”Isay,withoutthinkingofhowmywordswillaffecthim.“Sheusedto

tellmethatitwouldhavebeenbetterifIwasneverborn.Itwaslikehermantraor

something.BythetimeIwasten,TimothyandMilesweremimickingher.”

Whenhegoessilent,Ilookupathim.Hiseyesareburningintome,filledwith

hatredforhisdaughter’smotherandthewomanthatgavebirthtome.Iunderstandhow
hefeelsbecauseIfeelthesameway.

“HowdidyougethertoletClinestay?”Iask,wantingtoknowhowhemagically

fixedeverything.

Hedropshisheadagainstthebackofthecouchandsays,“Iknewshehadbeenupto

something,soIhadRamfollowherthelastfewdays.She’shadafewmeetingswiththe
judgewhopresidedoverourcustodycase,anditjustsohappensthateachofthese
meetingshasbeenatahoteloffBuckheadRoad.Hewasonmysidelasttimewewerein
court.Iguessshewastryingtogethimbackonherside.”

I’msoshocked;Icandonothingmorethanstareathim.Ijustcan’twrapmyhead

aroundit.Shedoesn’twantCline,thatmuchisobvious,butsheiswillingtosleepwith
thejudgetogetherawayfromVan.Thatjustdoesn’tmakesense.

“WehaveanotherhearingattheendofJuly,toseehowthesharedcustodyis

working.Atthattime,thejudgewasgoingtodecidewhethertomakeitpermanentorlet
hergetfullcustodyagain,leavingmewithonlyeveryotherweekend.Reginahasnever
likedtolose,soshewasensuringthatshewouldwin.Itdidn’tmatterthatshehadtosuck
asixty-year-oldman’scocktoensurethewin,”hesayswithashrug.

“So,nowshe’sgonnahandClineover?”Iask,mymindnotabletocomprehend

everythingheissaying.

It’sastupidquestion,andIknowthat,butIcan’tkeepmyselffromasking.Ijust

don’tunderstandhowsomeonecouldturntheirbackonachild,especiallyoneas
wonderfulasCline.She’sperfect,evenwhensheiscryingandscreaming.I’dwalk
throughfireforher,letitburnmetothebone.

Hisarmonmyshoulderpullsmecloserasheanswers,“ItoldherthatIhave

pictures,soshethinksthereisnowayshecanlieherwayoutofit.So,theanswerisyes;
shewilljusthandClineover.”

Iwanttorejoice,butIjustcan’twrapmyheadaroundit.“But,it’sCline.Isn’tshe

goingtoatleasttrytofightforher?Howthehellcanshegiveupsomeoneasspecialas
Cline?Thatjustdoesn’tmakeanysense.”

Igetit,Ido.Irealizebeingcaughtscrewingthejudgewilllookbad,butit’snot

enoughtokeepachildawayfromhermother.Parentsseetheirchildren,evenwhenthey
dowhacked-outshit.Theydodrugs,abusetheirbabies,evenusetheirkidsinwaysno
childshouldeverbeused,andtheystillgettoseethem.

Screwingthejudgeisn’treallythathugeofadeal,notinthegrandschemeofthings.

Forthejudge,yes.Hewillprobablylosehisposition,andhemayevenservesometimein
jail.ForRegina,no.Shewon’tgetanythingmorethanaslaponherwrist.Granted,she
probablywon’tbeabletokeeppartialcustody,butshewouldstillbeabletoget
visitations.

“Fuck,I’mgladmylittlegirlhasyoufightingatherside,”hestateswithout

answeringmyquestion.

“Ofcourse,shehasme.”Ireachupandrunmyhandthroughhisauburnlocks.“I

justhatethatshewon’thavehermomma.”

Heleansdownandbrusheshislipsovermine.“She’llhaveamomma.”

Stillnotquitefollowinghim,Iask,“Whatdoyoumean?”

Beforehecananswer,thesoundofacarpullinguphitsmyears.Ijumpupfromthe

couch,instinctivelygoingtothewindow,seeingBrass’struckparkingoutfront.
ExcitementfillsmeasIrealizeoneofmytwobestfriendsishere.Iruntotheedgeofthe
stairs,decidingtothinkabouthowfucked-upReginaislaterandletClineknowthatErin
ishere.

“Comeon,Ronni.Erin’shere,”Clinesqueals,runningdownthestairs.“She’shere,

she’shere,she’shere!”

Ifollowbehind,watchingassheslingsthedooropen.AssoonasIseemyfriend

climbfromthetruck,Istartrunning.Itonlytakesaminutetogettoher.Myarmswrap
aroundher,pullinghercloseandinhalingherfamiliarscent.

“I’msogladyou’rehere,”Iwhisper,stillholdingher.

Shepullsbackjustabit,lookingintomyeyes.“What’swrong?”

Ithinkaboutherquestion.Thereareamillionanswers,buttheoneonthetipofmy

tongueisthatReginaisaragingcunt.Suddenly,Irealizethatisn’taproblem.Yes,it’s
somethingthatwewillhavetodealwithinthefuture,butfornow,wehaveClineandcan
makesureeverywakingmomentofherlifeisfilledwithhappiness.

Ilooktomyright,seeingClinestandingrightbesideme.“Notadamnthing.”

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Veronica

Sittingonthebedintheguestroom,IwatchErinunpack.Shebroughtfoursuitcases,and
I’msalivatingtoseewhatisineachone.Myeyesaregluedtoeverythingshepullsoutof
hersuitcase,knowingmostareforme.WhenIseehertossouttwoboxesofhairdye,I
nearlyfalloffthebed.Denverlooksupfromwherehe’ssleepingbythebedandletsout
anannoyedsound,lettingmeknowIinterruptedhisnap.

Igrabthemandletoutanexcitedsqueal.“Thankyou!Vanwon’tletmegotothe

store,andIwasafraidtosendhimtogetany.Knowingmyluck,he’dbringbackthe
cheapshitthatwouldcauseallmyhairtofallout.”

Clinelaughsfromherperchattheendofthebed.Ishootherasmileandlookatthe

boxes.Oneisiceblonde,solightit’salmostsilver.Theotheriselectricblue,damnnearas
brightasVanandCline’seyes.Instantly,Iseemyselfwithblondhairwithkick-assblue
tips,givingthelooktheedgeIlike.

“Ihatedtotellyou,butyourrootsareshowing,”Erinsays,notevenbotheringto

lookmyway.“InoticedthemthelasttimeweSkyped.”

Iwanttotosssomethingather,tellhersheislying,butIcan’t.Usually,myhairis

changedtoooftentogivetherootstimetoshow,butnotthistime.Inoticedthemcoming
inlastweek.Sincethen,mynaturalhoneyblondeisstartingtoshowevenmore.
Consideringtherestofmyhairismidnightblack,itdoesn’tlookallthatgreat.

“Iwanttomakemyhairblackjustlikeyours,”Clinesays,comingtolookatthe

boxesinmyhands.

“Nofreakingway,babygirl,”Isay,grabbingherandpullingherintothebathroom

tolookinthemirror.“Lookatthosebeautifulredwaves.Sopretty.Whyintheworld
wouldyouwanttochangeit?”

Iamnotsurehowtohandlethisshit,butIdoknowasix-year-oldshouldnotbe

thinkingaboutdyingherhair.Ialsoknow,ifIhadherhair,Iwouldneverletanyonetouch
it.It’sbeautiful,justlikeherfather’s.

“Iwanttolooklikeyou,”shesays,lookingatmeinthemirror.

Awonderfulheatwarmsmyheart,butIpushitawayandrespond,“Youhaveyour

Daddy’shair.Believeme;mostwomenwouldgivetheirleftarmtohavethesamething.”

“ButIwanttolooklikeyou,”shesaysagain,pushingoutherbottomlip.

Herwordstakemebacktoaplaceinmypast,aplaceIstillcarryaroundwithme.

GeorgiaandIweremakingpumpkinpiesforThanksgiving,andIfeltlovedbyawoman
forthefirsttime.AllthefeelingsIshouldhavehadformymothertransferredtoGeorgia,
andIwantednothingmorethantobejustlikeherwhenIgrewup.KnowingIcouldnever
bethebeautifulAfricanAmericanwomanGeorgiawas,Idecidedtobecomeachef.
ConsideringthatiswhatIgrewuptobe,IguessInevermovedpastthatstageofmylife.

Isquatdown,bringingmyeyeslevelwithhers.“Youdon’tneedtolooklikeanyone

butyourself,Cline.Believeme,thegirlyouareisperfect.”

“Really?”sheasks,hervoicesoftandtimid.

Inod,smilingather.“Absolutely.”

Beforewecansaymore,Eriniscallingusbackintothebedroom.Wemovethere

slowly,myhandrestingonthetopofherauburnhair.Assoonasmyeyeslandonher,and
Iseeherholdingahotpinkcaseinherhands,Ihavetolaugh.

“Ithoughtyoucouldusethis.”Shesays,holdingituplikeit’sthemostprecious

thingherhandshaveevertouched.

“Whatisit?”thebeautifulgirlatmysideasks.

Luckily,Clinehasnoideathepinkcaseholdsmyfavoritevibrator.Itcostmeovera

hundreddollars,butitwasworthit.Itcouldbringmetoorgasminlessthanaminute.It
couldevenpulladouble,somethingnoneofthemeninmylifecoulddo,nonebeforeVan
anyway.

“It’ssomethingfrommywork.”Ionlyhalf-lie,consideringIdidhavetoworkmore

thanafewhourstoownthemostperfectbattery-operatedboyfriendintheworld.“Idon’t
reallyneeditnow,butitwillbegoodtohaveincaseofemergencies.”

Erinrealizeshermistakeandshovesitbackinthesuitcase,sendingasmirkmyway.

“Mustbenice,tobesolucky.”

Shedoesn’tgivemeachancetorespondaboutjusthowniceitis.Instead,sheturns

backtothesuitcase.Sherummagesthroughitforasecondbeforepullingoutabox.Itis
wrappedinlimegreenpaperandtoppedwithabrightyellowbow.

ShehandsittoClinewithagentlesmileonherface.“Icouldn’tcometovisit

withoutbringingmyfavoritelittlegirlapresent.”

Iwatchasshepullsoffthepaperandtearsopenthebox.Insideisacollectionof

CDs,eachonepersonallymadebyErin.IlookoverCline’sshoulderasshedigsthemout,
seeingeverythingfromBachtotheRedHotChiliPeppers.

“Youneedtolistentoeachoneofthose.Iwantyoutopickoutyourfavoritesongs.

Then,I’llsendyouthesheetmusicforthem,soyoucanplaythemformeonSkype,”Erin
says,asweetsmileonherface.

Morethanonce,overthelastfewweeks,ClinehasplayedherguitarforErinand

Kat.OverSkype,theyclappedandmadeherfeellikeshewasamusicalgenius.Intruth,
sheis.Iseeafutureforher,onewithhernameinlightandlotsofsold-outstadiums.

“Idon’tknowhowtoreadmusic,”Clinesays,worryingherbottomlip.“ButwhenI

getbigenough,DaddyisgonnaletmetakelessonssoIcanlearn.”

Iwalkoverandputmyhandonherhead.“Ican’tplaytheguitarverywell,butIcan

readmusic.Ifyouwant,I’llteachyouhow.”

MomhadmeinpianolessonsforaslongasIcanremember,butIneverhadany

talentforit.WhenIwentawaytoschool,Itookguitarlesson,butIwasn’tanybetterwith
stringsthanivory.Still,Icanreadmusiclikeamaestro.Surely,IcanteachClinetheevery
boydoesfineruleandalittlemoretoboot.

“You’resosmart.Idon’tthinkyou’llhaveanyproblemslearningtoreadmusic,”I

tellher,knowingitistrue.“Withalittlebitofpractice,you’llbeabletoreaditbetterthan
me.Then,you’llbeplayingwhateveryouwant.”

Clineeagerlylooksupatmeandasks,“Doyoureallythinkso,Ronni?YouthinkI

couldplaywhateverIwant,evenlearnallofPatsyCline’ssongs?”

“Ihavenodoubtaboutit,”Ireplyhonestly.

Thewayherfacelightsupcausesmyhearttothumppainfullyinmychest.It’snot

hardtomakethislittlegirlhappy.Sheeatsupeverylittlebitofattentionanyonegivesher
asifshedoesn’tdeserveit.AsmuchasIlovethewaysheattachesherselftome,Ihate
thatshefeelslikeshedoesn’tdeservetheloveIsofreelygiveher.

TurningtoErin,IchangethesubjectbacktowhatIwanttodoatthismoment.“Are

yougoingtohelpmewithmyhair?Iwantitdonebeforeweleavefortheclubhouse.”

“You’regoingtoneedthis.”Erinnods,pullingabottleofcolorremoverfromoneof

thesuitcasesandtossingitmyway.

Ilookatthebox,mylipscurlingupintoasnarl.“There’snotellinghowlongit’s

goingtotaketostripthisblackoutofmyhair.”

Ihatestrippingcolorfrommyhair;ittakesfreakingforever.Thereisnootherchoice

ifIwanttogoblonde.IfItriedtocovertheblack,withoutstrippingitfirst,I’dprobably
endupwithsomefuckedupshadeofgray.

“Well,getstarted.I’vebeendyingtotrythesecolorsout.Ithinktheiceblondewill

lookkillerwithbluetips,”ErinsaysbeforelookingoveratCline.“NowthatIhavealittle
helper,I’mevenmoreexcited.”

Iwasnearlytwentybeforemyhairwasevenhighlighted.Sincethen,Ihavechanged

iteveryfewmonths.ConsideringI’mnotrollinginthedough,ErinandKatwouldplay
myhairdressers.KatwilldoitifIask,butshehatesthesmellandwouldrathergivethe
dutytosomeoneelse.Erin,ontheotherhand,lovesdoingthingswithmyhair.Halfthe
time,sheistheonethatbringshomeboxesofhairdye.

Clinedoesn’tevenhideherexcitementassheclapsherhands,allearlierthoughtsof

coloringherownhairnowgone.Ismiledownather,bendingjustenoughtoplaceakiss
onhercheek.

“I’mgoingtobeagreathelper,AuntErin,”shesquealsassherunstothebathroom.

MyfriendlookstowhereClinedisappearedthenturnsbacktome.“Didshejustcall

meAuntErin?”

“Yes,shedid.”Ilaugh,enjoyingthelookofsurpriseonherface.“Now,comeon,

AuntErin.Let’sgetthisshitdone.”

ChapterTwenty-Nine

Veronica

Itossbackanothershot,matchingtheclubwhoresittingtomyright,shotforshot.When
shefirstsatdown,shepissedmeoff.ThebitchtoldmeshehopedI’dhittheroadsoon,
sayingshemissedVan’sdick.Iwantedtoknockherfuckingteethout,butIcalledforthe
Prospecttobringherashotinstead.

WhenIwasinTennessee,Trixtalkedtomealotaboutbeinganoldlady.Atthe

time,Ididn’tknowthatwaswhereVanandIwereheading,butIstilllistenedtoevery
wordshesaid.ShetoldmeIhadtokeepmyshittight,tonotletanyoneknowtheycould
gettome.Shesaidclubwhorescouldsmellfreshbloodfromamileawayandwouldpick
mycarcasscleanifIgivethemhalfachance.

“IsClinebackathermomma’s?”theclubwhoreasksasshemotionsforanother

shotoftequila.

ItpissesmeoffthatsheevenknowsCline’sname,butIanswerheranyway.“She’s

stayingatMilly’shouse.”

Vansenthertospendthenightwithoneoftheoldladies,knowingalittlegirlhadno

placeattheclubtonight.Whenhefirstmentionedit,IwasworriedClinewouldbeupset,
butIwaswrong.ShelovesMilly.Consideringhergrandmaisabitch,shefoundherown
withMilly.Thankfully,thewomanlovesherwithherwholeheart.

“Millyisagoodwoman,”shesayswithaquicknod.“ShameherandCrashnever

hadanykids.Shewouldhavemadeagoodmomma.”

Suddenly,IunderstandwhyVanchosehertowatchhisdaughter.Millyisfillingin

forthegrandmaClinewillneverhave,consideringKendraissuchabitch,andClineis
fillinginforthegrandchildMillywillneverhave.It’sbeautifulandheart-wrenchingatthe
sametime.

Erinlooksoveratme,hereyesglossyfromalltheliquorshehasconsumed.“Ican’t

believeyouwaitedsolongtoaskmetocomeouthere.Thesemenareyummy.You
should’vebroughtmewhenyoucame.Then,I’dhavehadplentyoftimetosamplethem
all.”

Iwanttotellherthat,ifshewasn’tleavingsosoon,she’dhaveplentyoftime.Iwant

toaskheraboutherandKatmovinghere,butI’mnotsurenow’sthetimetomentionthat.
She’snotdrunk,butIknowit’ssomethingnottobetakenlightly,andshe’sfeelingtoo

goodforaseriousconversation.

Theclubwhoresittingwithusleansforwardandlooksatmyfriend.“Youneedto

takeBrassforaround.Iswear,thatboyhasthebiggestdickIhaveeverseen,andhe
definitelyknowshowtouseit.”

Myfriendhuffsunderherbreathandsays,“Beenthere,donethat.You’reright,he’s

amazing,butIneedsomefreshmeat.Gotanyrecommendations?”

Erinlookslikeapixie,onlyaninchoverfivefoot.Lightblondehairandbigblue

eyesroundoutherlook,makingherappearcompletelyinnocent,butsheisanythingbut.
Shegoesthroughmenlikemostwomengothroughtampons,nevergoingbackfor
seconds.

“GoforTaz,”theclubwhoremumbles,noddingherhead.“He’sgoodwithhis

tongue,andhecangoallnightlong.”

Ithrowbackanothershotandask,“Doyouknowhowhegothisname?”

“LikeIsaid,he’sgoodwithhistongue,”shesays,asmilespreadingacrossher

insanelybeautifulface.“He’slikeaTasmaniandevilwhenitcomestocertainthings.He
getshismouthonapussy,andhejustgoescrazy.”

BeforeIcanevenprocessherwords,Erinjumpsupfromherseat.“Pointmeinhis

direction.Iwouldn’tmindalittlemouthtoclitaction.”

“Ifheisn’tupforit,youcantryWalkerorRam.Theyarealwayswillingtohavea

littlefun,andthey’llbothmakesureyouhavefun,too,”thewomanaddswithawink.

“I’llsavethemfortomorrow,”Erinsayswithawickedgrin.

AssoonastheclubwhorepointsTazout,Erinwalksoffinhisdirection.Whenshe

getstohisside,shedoesherthing.Withinseconds,theyarewalkingoutoftheroom.My
mindimmediatelygoestoBrass,wonderinghowheisgoingtofeelaboutsharingherwith
oneofhisfriends.Isearchhimout,seeinghimonthecouchbeingdeepthroatedbysome
chickIhaveneverseenbefore.Iletoutarelievedbreath,knowingheisn’tgoingtocare
whosebedErinendsupintonight.

“Hey,baby,”Vansays,takingtheseatErinjustvacatedandreachingovertotakea

strandofmyhairinbetweenhisfingers.“Idon’tknowwhatIlikemore,theblondeorthe
blue.ProbablygonnahavetowaittoseeitallspreadovermypillowbeforeIcandecide.”

Ismile,knowingexactlyhowmuchhelikesit.WhenIcamedownthestairs,his

responsetoldmeeverything.Heblinkedatimeortwo,thengrabbedmearoundthewaist
andcarriedmerightbackupthestairs.Wedidn’tevenmakeittothebed.Hefuckedme
rightagainstthebedroomdoor.

Pullingmythoughtsawayfromthehotterthanhellsexwehadafewhoursago,I

givehimawink.“Youmayhavementionedalittlesomethingaboutitearlier.”

Hegivesmeagrininreturn,lettinggoofmyhairandtakingmyhandinhis.“Are

youhavingfun?”

BeforeIcananswer,theclubwhorestartstalking.“Ilikethisbitch,Van.Youshould

keepheraround.”

Hechucklesbeforelookingatme.Hereachesout,pullingmychairovertohisand

wrappinghisarmsaroundme.Asecondlater,hismouthisonmine,andallthoughtsof
Brass,Erin,andclubwhoresdisappearfrommymind.Atthismoment,Iwantnothing
morethanforhimtotakemetohisroomandfuckmeuntilIscreamhisnameagain.

Whenhefinallypullsback,hehasacockysmileonhisface.“Ilikeher,too.Like

herenoughthatI’mthinkingaboutkeepingher.”

Mybrowraisesinquestion.“Thinking?”

“Youtrytogoanywhere,andI’mtyingyoutomybed,”hesays,stillsmiling.

Theclubwhoreisn’tsatisfiedwithhisanswer,andsheletshimknow.“You’vegotto

tellusgirlsifyou’reclaimingher.It’snotfairtohaveanoldladyinourmixandnotletus
know.Wecouldaccidentallysaysomethingtogetourasseskicked.”

Thinkingbacktoherblowbyblowoffuckingmyman,Ihavetoagree.Hehas

calledmehisoldlady,butI’mnotwearinghisbrand.Afewofthewomenheretonightare
wearinganoldlady’scut.Therestofthewomenhaveatattooontheirrightarm,saying
whotheybelongto.Rightnow,IwanttoknowifIamhisorjustapassingfancythathe’ll
passofftothenextguywhenhegetstiredofme.

“YoucanletthegirlsknowVeronicaismine,”Vansays,usingmyfullnameforthe

firsttime.“I’llmakeitofficialassoonasTitogetshome.”

Hiswordsbringasmiletomyface.Iknewthiswascoming,butthisisdifferent.

Havinghimlayitouttheremakesitallfeelrealforthefirsttime.Iamgoingtobehisold
lady,Van’swoman,andIwillbeuntilthedaywedie.Nothingcouldmakemehappier.

Surprisingly,theclubwhoresmiles.“I’llpasstheword.Doesthismeanweneedto

keepourhandsoffyou?”

“Yes,”Ianswerforhim,lookingintohisbeautifulblueeyes.“Ihaveneverbeen

goodatsharing.IfIfindoutsomewomanhasherhandsonhim,Ijustmighthaveto
proveI’mmyfather’sdaughterandmakesomebitchbleed.”

ChapterThirty

Veronica

IwatchBrassandErindriveaway,tearsinmyeyes.Hertimehere,allthreedays,passed
byinaflash.Halfthetime,shewaswiththebrothers,teachingthemhowshemademy
phoneuntraceable.Therestofitwasspentinsomeguy’sbed,adifferentoneeverytime.I
feellikeIonlygottospendafewminuteswithherduringherwholetrip.

ShewasabletogiveRiotwhattheyneeded.Bythetimeshewasdone,theyoffered

topayhertocomedowntoteachthemafewmoretricks.Icouldseehermindrunning
throughtheideas,knowingshewouldhelpthemreachtechnologicaladvancesotherclubs
havenotdreamedabout.

“I’mgoingtomissher,”Isay,leaningintoVan’sside.“We’vebeensoclose;I’mnot

surehowIamgoingtomakeitwithoutherandKatbymyside.”

Mymindisfilledwithdread,notknowingwhenIwillseemyfriendagain.Itriedto

talktoheraboutmovingtoIndy,butshewasn’taroundenoughformetodomuchmore
thanmentionit.Ithoughtshe’dbetheeasyonetoconvince,butIguessIwrong.

Hekissesthetopofmyheadandsays,“She’llbebacksoon.”

Ijerkbackandlookathim.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“ShesaidsheandyourotherfriendwerethinkingaboutmovingtoIndy.They’rejust

waitingforKattohearbackfromIUPUI,”heexplains,shockingtheshitoutofme.“As
longasshecangetajob,they’llbothbeherebeforetheendofthesummer.”

“What?”Irepeat,notquitebelievingmyears.“They’removinghere?”

Eventhoughthatwasmyexactplanforourfuture,Ihaveneverbroughtitupto

eitherKatorErin.I’vetried,morethanonce.OverSkype,Ihavetriedtodiscussitwith
them,buttheyshutmedowneachandeverytime.Ithoughtitwastheirwayofsayingno
withoutactuallyhavingtosaytheword.

Vanstepsbackenoughtoraisehishandsandcupmycheeks.“Erin’snotstupid.I

doubtyourotherfriendiseither.Theydon’twanttobeawayfromyou.IfmovingtoIndy
keepsyouclose,theyaremorethanwillingtopacktheirshitandmakethemove.”

“Whydidn’tshetellme?”Iask,wonderinghowheknewandIdidn’t.

Heshrugsbeforereplying,“Doesitmatter?”

BeforeIcansayanything,heplastershislipstomine.Withinseconds,allthoughts

ofErinandKatmovingtoIndianaflyfrommybrain.IamcompletelyfocusedonVanand
thewayhemakesmybodyfeel.

Hewrapshisarmsaroundme,pickingmeupoffmyfeet.“Thishasgottobefast.

Cline’sgonnabehomesoon.”

Igetwhatheissaying.ClineisstillwithMilly,butoneofthebrotherswillbe

bringingherhomesoon.Ifwewanttohavealittlefun,itwillhavetobeaquickie.That
soundsjustfinetome—morethanfine,consideringhowgoodVan’squickiescanbe.

Ifeelhimmovingtotakeoffhiscut,soIreleasemylipsjustlongenoughtopullhis

shirtoverhishead.Afterlayinghisclothingonthetablebythedoor,hislipsfindmine
again.Kickingthedoorshut,heslamsmybodyintoit,neverlosingcontactwithmy
mouth.Reachingdown,heunbuttonsthetopofmyshortsandpushesthem,alongwith
mypanties,downmylegs.Whentheyhitmyfeet,Ikickthemtotheside,freeingmylegs.

Asheliftsme,Iwrapmylegsaroundhiswaist,andheholdsmeupwithonehand

andthepowerofhisbody.Hemoveshisotherhandbetweenusandpullsmyshirtover
myheadbeforeslidinghishandbetweenmylegs.Withinseconds,Iammoaningmyneed
againsthislips.

“ThankGod,”hewhispersagainstmylips.“You’resofuckingwet.”

Hemoveshishandtohisjeans,quicklyunbuttoninganddraggingdownhiszipper.

Asecondlater,hisalreadyhardcockisnestledbetweenmywetlips.Hedoesn’twait,
doesn’tbothertoaskpermission,justslamsintome.

Myheadfliesback,bangingintothedoor,aspleasureandpainzipthroughmybody.

Itightenmylegsaroundhiships,lettinghimdoallthework.Heglidesinandoutofme,
hittingmysweetspotwitheachandeverythrust.

Withinminutes,Iampantingwithanticipation.Hedoesn’ttouchme,nothingmore

thanhishandcuppingmyassagainstthedoor.Hishardlengthisdoingallthework.
Everytimehedrawsoutofme,hepullsanothermoanfromme.Whenhethrustsinagain,
Icryoutinecstasy,knowingmyorgasmisjustaroundthecorner.

ItrytoholdbackaslongasIcan,butIdon’tthinkIwillbeableto.Hisneedforme

combinedwiththefeelofhiminsidemeisalmosttoomuchtotake.Lookingdownathim,
Iseehe’sstaringatmewithhisbeautifulblueeyes.

Ireachupandfisthisauburnlocks,runningthestrandsthroughmyfingers.Van

releaseshisholdonmyasslongenoughtolowerthefrontofmybra,thecupspushingmy
breastsintohisface.Loweringhishead,hetakesmynippleintohismouth,pullingand
suckingonthehardenedpeak.Eachtugbringsmecloserandclosertorelease.

Movingtotheotherside,givingitthesametorturouspleasure,hebringshishand

backbetweenourbodies.Ashecaressesmyswollenclit,Ifeelmypussystarttoclamp
downonhiscock.JustwhenIthinkIcan’ttakeanymore,thepressurebuildingsohigh
withinme,hegivesitahardpinch,andIcomeundone.

Screamingouthisname,Irideouttheintensewavesofmyorgasm.Vangroansas

mypussytightensaroundhishardness.Hepowersthrough,givingacouplemorethrusts

beforefollowingmeovertheedge.

Catchingourbreathswhiletheaftershocksfadeaway,IpullVanclose,holdinghim

tome.“Thatwasfuckingamazing.”

Holdingmeuntilmylegsaren’tsoshaky,hesays,“Idon’tthinktherewilleverbea

timebetweenusthatisn’tamazing.”

Knowingwedon’thavemuchtimebeforeClinecomeshome,Ipulloutofhisarms

andwalkovertomyclothes.Pickingupmyshirt,Ipullitovermyheadandthenbend
downtogetmypantiesandshorts.AsIstandbackuptofixmyclotheswheretheywere
turnedinsideout,Inoticethatthereisn’tmuchmovementfromVan.

Iturnmyheadtolookathim,wonderingwhyheisn’tinabiggerrushtogetdressed

andseethelookoflustonhisfaceashestaresatmynakedass.Eventhoughwejusthad
sex,helookslikehe’ssecondsfromgrabbingmeagain.Iturnaroundandlookdownhis
body,seeingthatheisstandingatattentiononceagain.

“Didyounotgetenoughthefirsttime?”Iask,shockedthatheisreadyandwilling

togoanotherround,especiallywhenthere’snotimeforit.Notthathisbodyhasmuchto
dowiththat,buthe’snoteventryingtogetdressed.

Vanmoveshiseyesbackuptomyfacebeforeanswering.“Idon’tthinkI’lleverget

enough.”

Ishakemyhead,raisingmyhandupandremindinghimofsomethinghealready

knows.“Clinewillbehomeinjustaminute.”

Hewalksovertome,reachesout,andpullsmetohim.“Withyoubentover,mycum

drippingdownyourleg,itmademehardalloveragain.AllIcouldthinkaboutisbending
youoversomethingandtakingyouhard.”

I’lladmit,thatdoessoundreallygood.“Well,you’lljusthavetobendmeover

somethinglater.”

Asmilecovershislipsashesays,“Oh,youbetterbelievethat’ssomethingIplanon

doingrealsoon.”

ChapterThirty-One

Veronica

Myeyesscantheclubhouse,lookingaroundtomakesureeverythingisjustright.Theold
ladieswentallout,makingsurethereisfoodforeveryone.ClineandIdidourfairshare
ofcooking,makingfivesidedishesandthreedesserts.Luckily,thebrothersarehandling
themeatonthegrill.Theyarecookinghotdogs,burgers,chicken,ribs,andevensteak.

BrasshasgonetopickupDad.He’sfinallycominghometoday,andIwant

everythingtobeperfect.Ihaven’tseenhiminmonths.Ihaven’teventalkedtohimin
weeks,notsincebeforehewenttojailwhenwetalkedaboutmecominghere.Today,I
willfinallybeabletowrapmyarmsaroundmydaddyandlethimknowhowmuchhe
meanstome.

“Youneedtocalmthefuckdown,baby,”VansaysasImovethesidedishesaround

forthetenthtime.

“I’mnervous,”Itellhim,lettinghimhearmyfear.

“Iknow,butyoustillneedtocalmdown,”hestates,soundingexasperated.

Iwanttoseemydad,can’twaittoseehim,butapartofmeisscaredoutofmy

mind.Ihaven’thadachancetotalktohimaboutVanandme.Ifhe’spissedthatI’mwith
Van,I’mnotsurewhatIwilldo.Thereisnodoubtinmymind;Iwouldnotturnmyback
onVanandCline.Ijustdon’tknowhowIwillhandlewhatevershithemightthrowour
way.Evenworse,IhavenoideahowVanwillreact.

AsamemberoftheRiotMC,IknowhehastolistentohisPresident.IfDaddoesn’t

allowhimtoclaimme,hewon’thaveanychoicebuttoturnhisbackonme.Ifhedoesn’t,
hewon’thavehiscutanymore.ThatissomethingIwouldn’twishonmyworstenemy.

“WhatifDadmakesyouletmego?”Iask,thequestionhavingbeenweighingonme

formoredaysthanIcancount.

BeforeVancananswer,Dadwalksinthedoor.Allmyworriesdisappear.Irush

towardhim,throwingmyselfintohisarms.Hepullsmeinclose,placingakissonthetop
ofmyhead.NomatterhowoldIget,IwillalwaysfeellikealittlegirlwhenIaminmy
Daddy’sarms.

“Imissedyou,Daddy,”Iwhisper,notwantinganyoneelsetohear.“Imissedyouso

muchmorethanyoucanimagine.”

WhenIwasinboardingschool,thekidsusedtopickonmeforcallingmyfather

Daddy.Notlikingtheconstantteasing,IforcedmyselftothinkofhimasDad.Thenext
timehecameforavisit,IcalledhimDadforthefirsttime.Thepaininhiseyes,alook
thattoremyheartapart,mademerealizeallthosekidsandtheirbullshitdidn’tmeanshit
tome.HewasmyDaddyandwouldbeuntilthedayIdie.

“Imissedyou,too,sweetheart,”Hewhispers,tighteninghisarmsaroundme.“I’m

hopingIwon’thavetomissyouagain.”

Iinstantlyknowwhathe’ssaying.Daddoesn’twantmeleavingCottonPlains,

doesn’twantmelivinginChicagoanymore.Hewantsmeclose,wantstobepartofmy
lifeonaregularbasis.Well,Icouldn’tagreewithhimmore.

“Youwillneverhavetomissmeagain,”Ipromise,givinghimatightsqueeze.

Hefinallypushesmeback,notquitelettingmego.Helooksovermyshoulder,

liftinghischintosomeone.Asecondlater,Van’sarmsarewrappedaroundme,pullingme
awayfrommyfather.

Assoonashisarmsareempty,Clinerusheshim.Hehasheroffthegroundasecond

later,laughingasshepeppershisfacewithkisses.Seeingthemtogether,I’mremindedof
myselfasalittlegirl.Aknotformsinmythroatasawaveoflovecrashesthroughme.

Clineisn’tusuallyallowedintheclubhouse.Infact,thisisthefirsttimeI’veever

seeherhere.Todayisdifferent.Thisisn’taregularclubparty;todayisaboutfamily.Van
letalltheboysknowtokeeptheirshittoaminimumandmadesurealltheclubwomen
stayedaway.

DadandClinestarttalking.Helistenstoeverywordasshetellshimeverythingshe

hasdonewhilehewasaway.HelaughswhenshetellshimaboutfeedingDenver
cupcakes.Heplacesakissonhercheekwhenshepromisestomakehimsomesoon.

“Ineverwould’vethoughtthatthiswouldbeagoodidea,”Dadsays,lookingatVan

andme.“Neverimagineditbefore,butIhavetosay,ifanyoneistherightpersonformy
littlegirl,it’syou.”

IlookbacktoVanandwhisper,“Whatishetalkingabout?”

Vansmilesdownatmebutdoesn’tanswermyquestion.“Justlisten,darlin’.”

“Whenhetoldmehewasclaimingyou,Iwasn’tsurewhattothink.Iwaspissedany

manthoughttheyweregoodenoughforyou.You’remybabygirl,toofuckingperfectfor
anyman.”Dadsmilesatme.“Then,Irealizedthatifanyonecouldmakeyouhappy,it
wouldbehimandCline.Alsorealizedyou’dbestayinginCottonPlains.Gottaadmit,I
lovethatthought.”

Ididn’thaveacluethatDadevenknewanythingaboutVanandme.Ishould’ve

knownthatVanwouldtellhimaboutus.NotonlybecauseIamthePresident’sdaughter,
butbecauseVanrespectshimsomuchandwouldn’twanttogobehindhisback.

Clinewigglesoutofmydad’sarmsandrushesovertome,wrappingherarms

aroundmythigh.“Areyoustaying,Ronni?”

WhenIfirstgothere,VanexplainedthatIwouldonlybestayingwiththemalittle

whilethenwouldbeheadingbacktoChicago.Shewasokaywiththatatfirst,butoverthe
lastweek,Clinehasaskedmetostayamilliontimes.Ihaven’tknownwhattosay,
becauseIwasn’tsurehowDadwouldreacttoVanandmebeingtogether.Guessthatjust
changed.

IpulloutofVan’sholdandbenddowntoCline.“IsitokaywithyouifIstaywith

youandyourdaddy?”

“Yes!”Shewrapsherarmsaroundmeandshouts,“Iloveyou,Ronni.”

TearsfillmyeyesasIhughertight.“Iloveyou,too,sweetie.”

Whenshefinallypullsaway,IrealizeDadandVanarenolongerstandingbesideus.

Iwassolostinthemoment,Ididn’tevennoticethemwalkingaway.Myeyesscanthe
room,wonderingwherethehelltheywent.

Clinetapsmeontheleg.“WheredidGrampsandDaddygo?”

“Theyhadsomethingtheyhadtodo,”Ianswer,notknowingwhatelsetosay.

“They’llbebackinalittlebit,honey.”

Beforeshecanaskanythingelse,Iseeacoupleofprospectsbringingintraysfilled

withmeatoffthegrill.Everyoneflockstothefood,fillingtheirplatesasiftheywere
starving.Mystomachletsoutanoise,remindingmeIhaven’teatenanythingtoday.

“Doyouwanttogowithmeandgrabsomethingtoeat?”Iask,notwillingtowait

forDadandVantogetback.

Shenodsherheadandgrabsmyhand.“Iwantsomepeachcobbler.”

ClineandImadefourcobblerslastnight:oneapple,acherry,andtwopeaches,since

thatisbothherandVan’sfavorite.Weateonelastnightbutmadeherwaittotearintothe
otherone.Shehasbeenaskingforsomesincewegothere.

“Howaboutwegrababurgerfirst?”Isay,knowingsheneedssomethingotherthan

sweets.“Then,youcanhavesomecobbler.”

Sheagrees,andwemakeourwaytothefood.Itonlytakesaminutetofillour

plates.Whenwe’redone,Irealizeallthetablesarefilledwithbikersandtheirfamilies
eating.Ilookaroundtheroom,tryingtofindaplaceforustositdown.

“Overhere,”Millyshoutsfromtheothersideoftheroom.

Clinerunstoher,alreadydiggingintoherfoodbeforeIcanevenreachthetable.I

takemyseat,lookingaroundthetabletoseeitfilledwitholdladies.I’veonlymetafew
ofthem,someniceandsomenot,butIstillfeelcomfortable.Thesearemypeoplenow.
Theyalwayshavebeenreally,sinceRiotMCbloodrunsthroughmyveins.

Lookingdown,IrealizethatClinehasonlytakenonebiteofherburgerandhasn’t

eventouchedeitherofthesidesIputonherplace,whileshehasnearlyeatenallofthe
peachcobblershegot.

“Iknowyoulovepeaches,butyouneedtoeatalittlemoreofyourburgerorsomeof

themacaroniandcheese,”Iinstruct,knowingitisnotgoingtomakeherhappy.

“Fine,”shemumbles,wearinganadorablelittlegirlpout.

AminuteortwopassesbeforeMillyleansoverandwhispers,“Gladyou’vedecided

tostay.Thatlittlegirlneedsamommatowatchoverher.”

IstarttoremindherI’mnotCline’smomma,butthewordsjustwon’tcomeout.I

maynothavegivenbirthtoher,mayhavemissedthefirstsixyearsofherlife,butI’mthe
closestthingshehastoamotherrightnow.Untilhermomgetsherheadoutofherass,
I’mgoingtoenjoyeveryminuteoffillingthatrole.

ChapterThirty-Two

Van

WemakeourwaytoTito’soffice,alloftheofficersfollowingus.Titotakeshisseat
behindthedesk,andIplopdowninoneoftheemptychairs.Onebyone,alltheofficers
entertheroom‘tilBrassfinallycomesinandshutsthedoor.

“It’sfuckinggoodtobehome,”Titosays,leaningbackinhischair.“Rightnow,I

wantnothingmorethanacoldbeerandsomewarmpussy,butthat’sgonnahavetowait.
Wehaveshitthatneedstobedealtwith.”

“Can’thelpyouwiththepussy,butIcan’tgetyouabeer,”Tazsaysashewalksover

tothefridgeandpullsoutabeer,tossingitTito’sway.

Heimmediatelypopsthetopandtakesadrink,downinghalfofitinonelonggulp.

Bythelookonhisface,itmusttastelikeliquidgold.Igetit,beentherebefore.I
understandhowitfeelsandgettheneedthatiseatinghimaliverightnow.

Lastyear,Ihadtospendninetydaysinsideforapissantassaultandbatterycharge.

ThefirstthingBrassdidwhenhepickedmeupwashandmeajoint.Bythetimewegotto
theclubhouse,Iwasflyinghigh.Ispentthenextfewhourswithoneoftheclubwhores
thenspenttherestofthenightsittingatthebar.

I’mnotanaddict.Imayliketodrinkandenjoyagoodsmoke,mayevenfeelthe

needtodoalinenowandagain,butIdon’thavetohaveanyofittosurvive.Forme,it
wasallaboutdoingwhatIwanttodo,whenIwanttodoit.

“Thatcoversoneofmythirsts,”Titosays,settingthebeerdownonthedesk.

ThebrothersandIsharealaughbeforeImoveontobusiness.“ErintaughtRam

howtomakeourphonesuntraceable.”

Ramexplainshowthephoneswork,usingwordsIdon’tevenunderstand.Hegoes

onandon,makingmewanttousemyfisttoshuthimup.Bythetimehe’sdone,Titois
rollinghiseyes.

“Iknowwhatyoumean,brother,soIdon’tneedablowbyblow,”hesays,

motioningforsomeonetobringhimanothercoldone.“Wecantalkaboutallthisshit
later.Iwanttohearaboutthefuckingassholethatthinkshecanjustkilloffmygirl.”

WalkerquicklyupdatesTitooneverythingwelearnedfromMiles.Hegoesinto

detailaboutthedrugdealer,lettingmeknowthathehasagoodhandleontheshit.Hetells

himabouttheguyhepaidtotakeRonnioutthenexplainstheshitwiththeloanshark.We
allthrowideasbackandforth,finallydecidingtosendTaztoChicagoandputabulletin
thedrugdealerthattookmoneytokillRonni.

“Theloansharkisadifferentstory,”Walkerstateswithashakeofhishead.“Getting

ridofsomedrugslingingpieceofshitmaybesimple,butwe’renotgonnabeabletotake
outBennyGillespiethateasily.”

“He’srightaboutthat,”Ramagrees,lightingupasmoke.“Ididsomeresearchonthe

manwhenwefoundouthewaslookingforVeronicatopayherbrother’sdebt.”

“Thatfuckerisn’therbrother,”TitogrowlsbeforeIcangetthewordsout.

Ramsimplynodsthengoesontoexplainwhathehaslearned.“Gillespie’snota

mademan,buthehasconnectionstosomepowerfulfamilies.Thoseconnectionsseemto
havehisbackeverytimehegetshisassinasling.”

“Caretoexplain?”Walkerasks,hisvoicehard.

“He’sbeenindictedonfivedifferentmurdercharges,inthreedifferentstates,butnot

oneofthemhasstuck.He’sapersonofinterestinoveradozenmore,”Ramexplains,
takingadragoffhissmoke.“Icouldn’tevencounthowmanyotherchargeshe’shad
againsthim,buthe’sneverspentonefuckingnightinjail.”

“Yougotanysuggestions?”Iask,tensionfillingmybody.

Eversincehetoldmeabouttheloanshark,Ihavebeenrackingmybraintryingto

figureoutawayaroundthisshit.I’vecomeupwithamillionideas,butnoneofthemare
reallygoingtofixshit.Irealizewecan’tgotohimgunsblazing,butthat’swhatIwantto
do.EveryinstinctinmeisscreamingformetodoanythingIhavetodotomakesuremy
womanissafe.

“Wecangotowarwiththebastard,butasmuchasIhatetoadmitit,Idon’tthink

it’sawarwe’regonnawin,”Walkersays,walkingoverandproppinghimselfagainstthe
cornerofthedesk.“Ifuckinghatetosayit,butIreallythinkweshouldpaythisfucker
off.That’stheonlywaywe’regonnaknowforsureheandhismenwillleaveVeronica
alone.”

Icanseetheangeronmybrother’sfaceashesayshispiece.It’sgottobekilling

him,evenconsideringlettingthisassholegoagain.Gillespiekilledhisbrotherandbeat
hismom.Walkerhastowanttotakehisassoutintheworstway.

“Evenifwepulltogetheralltheclub’smoney,thereisnowaywecouldcoverthat

dickhead’sdebt,”Brasssaysfromhisspotonthecouch.

“No,butRonnicould,orshewillbeabletosoon,whensheturnstwenty-five,”Isay,

finallyseeingawayoutofthisshit.“She’llbeabletocoverit,withinterest.Hopefully,
thatinterestwillkeepGillespieoffherbackuntilherbirthday.

“Fuck,”Titogrumbles,twistingthetopofthebeerBrassjusthandedhim.“She’lldo

it,noquestionsasked,butIhateforhertoevengetinvolvedinthisshit.”

IagreewithTito.Ronnidoesn’tneedtobepartofthis.She’sbeenthroughenough

already.Idon’ttalktoheraboutit,notunlessshebringsitup.Eventhen,Icutheroffas

quicklyasIcan.Idon’twanthertospendanotherminutethinkingaboutherstepbrother
ortherestofherfuckedupfamily.Shehasusnow;shedoesn’tevenneedtothinkabout
them.

Taztakesasipofhisownbeerandsays,“I’dsayshe’salreadyinvolved,wouldn’t

you?Imean,itisherassonthelinehere.”

Noonereplies,butweallnod,knowingheisright.Sheisuptoherneckinthisshit,

andsheisgoingtohavetobetheonetogetherselfoutofit.Iwishtherewassomeway
formetocomeupwiththemoney,butI’veneverseenthatmuchcashinmyentirelife.

“Van,youtalktohertonight.Makesuresheknowswhatisgoingdown,”Titoorders

thenlooksatWalker.“IwantyoutogotoVegasandtalktoGillespie,seehowmuchhe’ll
needtoholdthedebtalittlelongerandmakesureheknowshewillgethismoneyin
August.”

Walkershakeshishead,hisfaceamaskofrage.“Youdon’twantmesayingathing

tothatmotherfucker.I’ddoanythingforyou,brother,butIdon’tthinkIcanlookatthat
manwithoutsnappinghisfuckingneck.”

WhenIseeTito’sfacefillwithrage,Icutin.“There’sahistorythere,Pres.Believe

me;Walkerdoesnotneedtobetheonetalkingtothatbastard.”

TitolooksatWalkerforaminutethentakesinadeepbreath.“Icanunderstandthat

becauseIfeelthesamewayrightnow.IfIthoughtIcouldlookinthatman’seyeswithout
pullingmypiece,I’dbetheonetogo.”

ThereisnowayIcango.I’dtakethemotherfuckerouttheminuteIlaideyeson

him.ThatonlyleavesBrassandTaz.Iwouldn’ttrustanyoneelse.Nofuckingwaywould
IsendRamtodosomethingthisimportant.

“Whydon’tyouheadout,seehowshitisgoinginthecommonroom,”Titosays,

obviouslythinkingthesamethingasIam.

Henods,realizingheisbeingdismissed.Hewalksoutwithoutanotherword.Ramis

agoodguy,atrustworthybrother,buthespendstoomuchtimesittingbehindacomputer
toknowhowtodealwithshitlikethis.Hemaybeanofficer,theclubsecretary,butheis
keptinthedarkaboutalotofthethingsthatgodown.He’snotstupid,alongwayfromit,
butRamdoesn’thaveanyideahowmuchbloodRiotMChasshed.

Assoonasthedoorshuts,TitolooksbetweenBrassandTaz.“Eitheroneofyouup

foratriptoVegas?”

“TheGrimBastardstookonacharterclubinVegas,”Brassstates,lettingTitoinon

someoftheshithemissedwhileinside.“Ithinkweshouldusethatlocalconnection.I
couldrideoutthere,getthemtosetupthemeeting.Then,Icanhandleitfromthere.”

Titoseemssurprisedforasecondbeforenodding.“I’llmakeacalltoBoz.Beready

toleavebyWednesday.”

“Noproblem,”Brassrespondswithanod.

“Nowthatthisshitisover,I’vegotsometrashtotakeout,”Titosaysbeforeopening

uphisdeskandpullingouthispiece.

Standingup,heslidesitintothebackofhispantsandwalkstowardthedoor.Weall

followhim,knowingexactlywherewearegoing.Heavoidseveryoneandheadstothe
backdoor.Wequicklywalkthedistancetothehole.Stoppinginfrontofthebrother
standingguard,Titogiveshimachinlift.

“Theoldladieslaidoutonehellofaspread.Goonandgetyourselfaplate,”he

orders,slappingthebrother’sshoulder.

Knowingwhatisgoingtohappen,themannodsandwalksaway.Titotakesaquick

lookaround,makingsurenooneisnearenoughtohearwhatisabouttohappen.Then,he
unlocksthedoorandstartsclimbingdownthestairs.

Assoonaswegetinside,Milesjumpsfromthecothehadbeensleepingonand

looksaround.WhenhiseyeslandonTito,hisfacelosesallcolor.Hestartsbackingaway,
plasteringhimselftothewall,andwhimperslikeababy.

“No,no,no,”hechants,shakinghisheadbackandforth.

Titodoesn’tsayshit,justwalksuptohimandplacesthemuzzleofhispistolright

betweenhiseyes.Withoutdelay,hepullsthetrigger.Hestandsthereasecondortwo,
watchingtheasshole’sbodyslidetothefloor.

Whenhefinallyturnsbacktolookourway,hehasasliverofasmileonhisface.“I

wasgonnaplaywithhim,haveabitoffun,butIhaven’tgottenmydickwetinamonth.
I’dratherplaywithpussythanthisfucker.”

Weallchucklebeforewalkingoutandleavingthemessforlater.

ChapterThirty-Three

Van

Walkingintothecommonroom,Iseemytwogirlssittingatatablefilledwitholdladies.I
headstraightforthem,runningmyhandoverCline’sheadandbendingdowntoplacemy
lipsonRonni’smouth.Aftergettingaquicktasteofher,Ilookbacktomydaughter,who
istryingtogetmyattention.

“Whatyaneed,darlin’?”Iask,smilingherway.

“MissMillysaysIcanspendthenightwithherandseethenewkitties,”she

answers,bouncingwithexcitement.

Clinehasbeentalkingaboutthosekittensfordays,eversinceMillycalledtosayher

cathadfinallyhadthem.Shehasevenmentionedbringingonehome,somethingIdidnot
wanttohappen.UsingDenverasanexcuse,Itoldherwecouldn’thaveakittenwitha
doginthehouse.Ofcourse,Ronnihadtoaddhertwocents,lettingClineknowthatErin
hadacatandDenverwasfinehavingitaround.I’mguessingwe’regonnabestuckwitha
newkitten.

IlookovertoMillyandask,“Yousureyoucanhandlethiskid?Ifyoudon’twatch

out,she’llslipoutinthemiddleofthenightwithoneofyourkittens.”

Shelaughs,wrappingherarmsaroundmydaughter’sshoulder.“Nope,sheknows

theyaren’tbigenoughtotakehomejustyet.Shecantakeonehomeinafewweeks.”

Irollmyeyes,sittingdownanddiggingintotheplateRonnialreadyhadmadefor

me.Titojoinsus,carryinghisownplate.Beforelong,wearesurroundedbybrothers.We
allshoottheshitwhileweeat.

BythetimeIamdonewithmyfood,theroomisstartingtogetloud,letting

everyoneknowthebrothershavebeengoodaslongastheycan.Someoftheoldladies
andallthekidsstarttotrickleout,includingClineandMilly.Assoonasthelastkidwalks
outthedoor,Titostandsupandraiseshishandtogeteveryone’sattention.

Whentheroomgoesquiet,hestartstalking.“Iappreciateallofyoubringingyour

familiesheretowelcomemehome.Goodfood,coldbeer,friends,andfamilysurrounding
me…Ithinkthat’sthebestwelcomehomeamancanget.Butnow,it’stimeforyoumen
toremindmewhyIlovebeingthePresidentofRiot.SomeonegivemeabottleofJack
andbringoutthewhores.”

TheboysroartheirapprovalasRonnilaughs.“Icouldhavegonemywholelife

withouthearingmydadcallingforwhores.”

Ilookdownather,seeinghereyesarefilledwithhumor.Onlyafewoftheoldladies

canreallyhandlethelifestylewelive.Mostonlycomearoundondaysliketoday,when
shitiscalm.Therestofthetime,theystaythefuckaway.Ronniisnevergoingtobelike
that.Sheisgoingtoliveandbreathethislife,livingittothefullest.

Standingup,Igrabherhand.“I’vegotsomethingIwannashowyou.”

Shesmirks,lookingdownatmyjean-coveredcock.“I’vealreadyseenit,butI

wouldn’tmindgettingacloserlook.”

Ichuckle,pullingherthroughthecrowdanddownthehall.Assoonaswegettomy

room,Ipushthedooropenanddragherinside.MyeyestakeintheplaceIonce
consideredmyhome,knowingIwillspendverylittletimeherefromnowon.WhenIdo,
Ronniwillberightbesideme.

Afterclosingthedoor,Iletgoofherhandandwalktothecloset.Hernewcutis

hangingthere.Ihaditmademorethanaweekagobutwantedtowaittogiveittoherafter
Titogotout.Iwantedhimtobeathomebeforemakingitofficial.Turningaround,her
leatherinmyhand,Ilookintohereyes.

“Takeyourclothesoff,”Iorder,nevertakingmyeyesfromhers.

Shelooksatthecutinmyhandthenbacktome.Ittakesherasecondortwo,butshe

finallystartsdoingwhatwasordered.Iwatchasshekicksoffhershoeswhilepullingher
shirtoverherhead.Herjeansgonext,leavingherinnothingbuttwoscrapsoflace.Her
deepbrowneyesstaylockedonmineassheremovesherbrathenshimmiesoutofher
panties.

Idrawinadeepbreathandtakeinherbeauty,mycockturningtostone.Hericy

blondehairhangsdownherback,thebrightbluetipsstandingoutagainstherpaleskin.
Hernipplesarepebbledintotightpeaks,justbeggingformetodrawthembetweenmy
lips.Lookingfurtherdown,Iseethesmallstripofhernaturalgoldenblondehair
highlightinghersweetlittlecunt.

Motioningforhertocometome,Iwaituntilsheisrightinfrontofmethenliftthe

cutforhertogetagoodlookatthepieceofleatherthatwillleteveryoneknowsheis
mine.Shedoesn’tsayanything,butthetearsinhereyestellmejusthowshefeels.

Iwalkaroundherandsay,“Liftyourarms,baby.”

Whenshedoesassheistold,Iquicklyslidehernewcuton.Steppingback,Itakein

theview,lovingthelookofmycolorsonherbody.Iwalkaround,brushingmyeyesover
everyinchofher.Icometoastopinfrontofherandlookintohereyesagain.

“I’veneverseenanythingsofuckingprettyinmywholelife,”Itellhertheabsolute

truth.“Sodamnbeautiful.”

Tearsareslowlyslidingdownhercheeksasshesays,“I’mallyoursnow.”

Igrabher,jerkingherintomyarms.“Youalwayshavebeenmine,baby.Godmade

youjustforme.”

Mymouthcrashingdownonherpullsagaspfromher.Itakeadvantageofherparted

lips,slidingmytongueinsideandsweepingitagainsthers.Hertastefillsmysenses,a
combinationofbothsweetandtangy.Shemoansagain,deepeningthekissevenfurther.
Myhandsgotoherass,cuppingthetightroundglobesandpickingheroffherfeet.

Icarryhertothebedandlayherdown.“ItfeelslikeI’vebeenwaitingforevertosee

youinnothingbutmyleather.”

“Rightnow,Iwanttoseeyouinnothingatall,”shesays,archingherbackand

runningherhandsoverherbreasts.

Iquicklypulloffmyclothes,mycockpulsingwithanticipation,thencrawlinbeside

her.Sheisbackinmyarmsasecondlater,andherlipsareonmineonceagain.Wedevour
eachother,ourtonguesfightingfordominance.Shearchesagainstme,lettingmefeelher
need.Irolloverher,settlingmyselfbetweenherlegs,andpullmylipsfromhers.

“Iloveyou,Van,”shesays,givingmethewordsIhavebeenwaitingfor.

Whenshefirsttoldmeshelovedme,Icouldn’tmakemyselftellherthatIfeltthe

sameway.Iwastoomuchofapussytolaymyheartoutinsuchaway,butI’mready
now.I’mreadytogivehereverything.

Brushingmylipsagainsthers,Iwhisperthewordssheneedstohear.“Iloveyou,

Ronni.Loveyousofuckingmuch.”

Isinkmyhandintoherhair,wrappingthelongstrandsaroundmyfingers.Myother

handgoestoherleftbreast,payingextraattentiontoherhardenednipple.Mymouth
movestoherneck,givingitagentlenip.WhenIfeelherbodyvibratewithdesire,Ibite
downalittleharder.Mygirllikesalittlepainwithherpleasure,andIammorethan
willingtogiveittoher.

Releasingherhair,Imovedownherbody.Mymouthlatchesontohernipple,

runningmyteethoverthepebbledpeak.Igiveitalittleattentionthenmovetotheother
one,drawingeachonedeepintomymouth.WhileIworkhertits,onehandgoesstraight
toherpussyandslidesthroughheralreadywetheat.

“Please,Van,”shebegs,hervoicefilledwithafiercenessthatIhaveneverheard

before.“Ineedyouinsideme.Ineedtobeconnectedwithyou.”

IlookupatherandrealizeIneedthesamething.Islowlymakemywaybackupher

bodyandbringmylipsbacktohersagain.Sheswivelsherhips,causingmycocktoslide
inbetweenherhotlips.Iglidemyselfoverherclit,knowingwhatsheneeds.Shegasps
outherpleasurethenliftsherhipsagain,forcingtheheadofmycockrighttoheropening.
Islowlyslideintoher,growlingwhenherhotwallshugmylength.

Istaydeepinsideherforaminutethenslowlypullout.Oureyesarelockedtogether

asImoveinandoutofherheateddepths.IkeeptheslowpaceforaslongasIcanstandit
thenpickupspeed.Beforelong,Iampoundingintoher,hardandfast.

“Yes,”shemoans,runningherhandsovermyback.“Youfeelsofuckinggood.”

Sheliftsherhips,meetingeachoneofmythrusts.Eachtimesheshifts,Igodeeper

anddeeper.Lovingthefeel,Ipullbackenoughtograbherlegsandpullthemabovemy
hips,anglinginawaythatwillallowmetodowhatIwant.

“Fuck!”Islamintoheragain.“Ineedyoutoletgo.Comeforme,baby.”

Asifmywordswerewhatsheneededtohear,herwallsclampdown,andshe

screamsoutherrelease.Herpussyripplesasherorgasmrushesthroughher.Itfeelsso
fuckinggood,atinglerushesdownmyspine,andmyownreleasehitsme.Islideindeep
oncemore,lettinghermilkmycockofeverythingithastogive.

Iburymyheadinherneckandwhisper,“Loveyou,baby.”

ChapterThirty-Four

Veronica

IgrumbleundermybreathasIreachunderCline’sbedandpulloutanotherruinedstuffed
animal.WewokeupthismorningtofindtheremnantsofCline’sfavoritestuffedrabbit
litteringthehall.Sincethen,Ihavefoundsixmoremutilatedtoyanimalsscatteredaround
thehouse,eachonecoveredwithDenver’sslobber.

Standingup,Iwalkdownthestairsandtossthestuffinginthetrash.JustasIshut

thelid,Denverstartstohowl.Iwalkintothelivingroom,handsonmyhips,andnarrow
myeyesonhim.Heisinhiscrate,stillbeingpunishedforhisbehavior.

“Youknowwhyyou’reinjail,”Isay,cockingmybrow.“You’vegotfifteenmore

minutes.Then,I’llletyouout.Hopefully,you’llremembernottoeatanymoreofCline’s
toys.”

Herespondswithaloudwhine,lettingmeknowheisn’thappy.Hehasn’tbeenin

days,andhe’smadesuretoleteveryoneknowhowhefeels.Betweenpeeinginthehouse,
somethinghehasn’teverdone,anddestroyingeverythinghecangetinhismouth,Van
andIhaveareallygoodideajusthowupsetheis.

Threedaysago,Clineleftforaweeklongvisitwithhermaternalgrandparents,atrip

shemakesthefirstweekofJuneeachyear.Denverisnotdealingwellwithherbeing
gone.Honestly,I’mnotdoingtoowellmyself.Ihatedlettinghergo,worriedtheywould
treatherbadly.VanassuredmetheywerenothinglikeRegina.Headmittedtheycouldbe
uptightassholes,buthesaidtheywerenothingliketheirdaughter.Moreimportantly,they
loveCline.

IreallythoughtReginawouldshowupwiththecopsintow,demandinghehand

overCline.Shedidn’t,though.Shedidn’tevencall.It’sasifshehasforgottensheeven
hasadaughter.Infact,shedidn’tevenbothershowingupfortheemergencychildcustody
hearingVan’slawyersetupafterherandVan’sconfrontation.Thejudge,thesameman
shehadbeenscrewing,wasmorethanhappytogiveVanfullcustody.Sinceshedidn’t
cometothehearing,shedoesn’tevengetsupervisedvisitation.

ThesoundofSkype’sbubblybeepringsfromthecomputer,drawingmeoutofmy

thoughts.Irushacrosstheroomandhitthemouse,knowingithastobeoneofmyfriends.
WhenIseeKat’ssmilingface,Iclicktoconnectwithasmileonmyface.

“Hey,babe,”Isay,slidingintothechair.

“Ohmygosh,youcannotimaginehowmuchImissyourface,”shesays,sippingon

aglassofwine.

Ilookattheclockandseeitisonlyeleveninthemorningthenraisemybrowather.

“Ifyou’redrinkingthisearly,somethinghastobewrong.”

“I’mcelebrating,”shesays,liftingherglassintheair.“Ijustgotthecall.Starting

thisfall,IwillbeanassociateprofessoratIUPUI.”

“We’removingtoIndy!”Erinshouts,poppingupbehindKat.

Ishout,excitementcoursingthroughme.Weallstarttalkingatonce.Iaskevery

questionIcanthinkof,andtheydotheirbesttoanswereachone.Wespendthenext
twentyminutestalkingaboutfindingahousetorent.Sadly,neitherofthemwanttolivein
CottonPlains.BeingusedtolivinginChicago,theycan’timaginecallingsuchasmall-
townhome.They’llbelivinginIndy,butthat’scloseenoughthatwecanseeeachotheras
muchaswewant.

“Where’syourmanattoday?He’susuallylurkingsomewhereinthebackground,

andIhaven’tseenhissexymugatall,”Erinsays,grabbingthewineandtakingalong
swigfromthebottle.

“Hewentforaride,”Ianswer,wishinghewasheretohearmynews.

ForthefirsttimesinceImovedhere,I’mcompletelyalone.Brassstayedattheclub

lastnightandstillhasn’tgottenhome.Vanleftabouttwentyminutesago,ridingoutwith
Dadtolookatanewbike.WhymyfatherneedsanotherHarley,whenhealreadyhasfour,
Ihavenoclue.

“Youhaven’tcalledusinnearlyaweek,”Katwhines,glaringatmethroughthe

screen.“Iwasbeginningtothinkyouforgotweevenexisted.”

“I’vebeenbusy,”Isaywithashiteatinggrin.“Beinganoldladyishardwork.”

Ihavebeenbusy.ThegirlshadshippedallofmystufffromChicago,furnitureand

all.Ittookmedaystogothroughalltheshit.Then,itwastimetogetClinereadyforher
triptohergrandparents’house.Onceshewasgone,Vankeptmeinbedthenexttwodays,
takingadvantageofourtimealone.

“I’msosureitishardwork,keepingyourlegsspreadforthatsexybeastofyours,”

Eringrumbles,hereyesshiningwithmischief.

“Nothinghardaboutit,besideshisdickthatis,”Ireply,causingallofustolaugh.

“HasVantakencareofyourlittleproblemyet?”Katasks,losinganytraceof

laughterfromhervoice.

Inod,notvoicingmyanswer.AsmuchasIwanttotellthemeverything,Ican’tdo

thatoverSkype.Plus,Ireallydon’tknoweverythingmyself.VanletmeknowIwouldn’t
havetoworryaboutMileseveragain,makingsureIunderstoodnoonewouldeverhave
toworryabouthimeither.

Evenwithhimgone,hisshitisstillaffectingourlives.Heowedmoneytoalotof

people,oneofwhomthatwouldbemorethanwillingtomakemepayhisdebtswithmy
life.Theonlywayoutofthatistogivehimashitloadofmoney.Luckily,myinheritance

ismorethanenoughtopayhimoff.Therestillwillbeenoughlefttomakemorethanone
charityveryhappy.

Thesoundofthedoorbangingagainstthewallhasmejumpingfrommychair.Iturn

justintimetoseeKendrastompintotheroom.ThefirstthingInoticeisalookofpure
hatredinhercoldblueeyes,butthatonlyholdsmyattentionforasecond.Afterthat,Iam
completelyfocusedontheguninherhand.

“Isthatagun?”Katscreeches,whileErinshouts,“Whatthefuck?”

Iignorethemboth,doingmybesttostaycalm,evenifmyheartisbeatingamillion

milesanhour.“Whatareyoudoinghere?YouknowVandoesn’twantyouhere.”

Shedoesn’tanswer,justraiseshergunandpullsthetrigger.Iscream,throwing

myselftothehardwoodfloor.Thecomputer’sscreenshatters,fallingoffthedeskwitha
bulletburiedwithinit.Foralongminute,theonlysoundintheroomisDenver’s
ferociousbarking.

Kendralooksdownatme,disgustfillingherface.“Don’tbesuchapussy.Iwasn’t

shootingatyou.Ijustdidn’twantanyonetohearourconversation.”

“Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?”Iask,myeyesstilllockedonthegun.

“Van,Tito,myfuckinggranddaughter.Iwanttotalkaboutthemall!”sheshouts,

wavingherhands,notcaringatallthatshehasaloadedpistolinherhand.

Shestartspacing,talkingsofastIcannotunderstandadamnthingsheissaying.She

isobviouslyhighasafuckingkite.Notthemellowhighyougetfromweedoreventhe
energetichighyougetfromcoke.I’venevertriedmeth,neverwantedthatpoison
anywherenearme,butIhavebeenaroundmyfairshareofmethheads.Shelookslike
everysingleoneIevermet.

Herhairisamattedmess,fallinginstringytendrilsoverhershoulders.Thedeep

brownsheusuallywearsisnowwashedout,withgreyrootsshowing.Hereyesarered,
glassy,andunnaturallydilated.Shehasoozingsoresonherface,whichsheisscratching
evenwhileshewavesthepistolaroundtheroom.

Denver’sbarkingdrawsherattention,andsheswingsherguntohim.“Shutthat

thingup,ormynextshotwillbepointedrightathim.”

Ipushmyselfoffthefloorandslowlywalktohiscrate,stillwatchingherevery

move.WhenIgetnearhim,Idomybesttosoothehimwithsoftwords,buthekeeps
barking.Ittakesaminuteortwo,buthefinallyquietsdowntoamenacinggrowl.

Ifinallymovemyeyesfromher,scanningtheroomforaweapon.There’snothing,

notonefuckingthingIcanusetodefendmyself.Ilookbackather,tryingtodecideifI
cantakeher.Withouttheguninherhand,Icouldhaveheronherassinasecond.With
thegun,Ihavenochoicebuttositbackandseewhathappens.I’mnotgoingtolether
shootme,butI’lltakemytimeandseeifIcankeephertalkinglongenoughforsomeone
tocomegethercrazyassthefuckoutofhere.

“Titowashappywithme.Helovedme.Everythingwasgooduntilyoucamealong,”

shesaysinagrowlofherown.“Whenyoucamearound,nobodyelsemattered.Nothing

matteredbuthispreciousbabygirl.”

I’mnotsurewhatsheistalkingabout.Doesshemeannoworyearsago?Ican’teven

guess,andIdon’treallycare.TheonlythingIcareaboutisfiguringouthowthehellI’m
goingtogetoutofthismess,sosilenceismyonlyresponse.

Kendrastopsherpacingandshakesherhead.“I’mstandingherewithadamngunin

myhand,andyou’renotevenscaredofme.Youneverwere,wereyou?”

Shecouldn’tbemorewrong.I’mscaredoutofmyfuckingmind,soscaredIcan

barelykeepmyselfstanding.However,Iknownottoletherseemyfear.Ilearnedalong
timeago,Kendragetsoffonmyfear.EvenwhenIwasalittlegirl,sheseemedtoenjoy
scaringtheshitoutofme.

“Answerme,”shescreams,stompingherfootlikeaspoiledchild.

“I’mnotscaredofyoubecauseIknowyouwouldneverhurtme,”Ilie,hopingshe

believesthebullshitIamspewing.“You’reagoodperson,Kendra.”

Sheblinksasifnoonehaseversaidanythinglikethattoherbefore.Theyprobably

haven’t.She’snotagoodperson,doesn’thaveagoodboneinherbody.Shewasbornbad
andwilldiebad.ThatwillhappentheminuteVanandmydadfindoutaboutthis.
Hopefully,thatwillbeanytimenow.

Surely,ErinandKatcalledVanthemomentsheshotatthescreen.Maybe,Dadand

Vanhaven’tgottoofaroutoftownyet.Ifnot,theyshouldbepullingintothedriveway
anyminute.Atleast,thatiswhatIamtellingmyself.Ifnot,Iamcompletelyandutterly
fucked.

“Titolovedme,”shesays,breakingthemomentarysilence.“Hemademehisold

lady,sohehadtoloveme.”

That’snottrue.Idon’tknowthewholestory,butIdoknowthatheonlyclaimedher

asafavortoCrew.HekeptheraroundbecauseofVan.Idon’tknowwhyhedidn’tgetrid
ofhertheminuteheturnedeighteen,butIknowforsureheneverfeltoneounceoflove
forher.

“Hestilllovesyou,”Istatewithaslownod,willingtosaywhateverIneedtokeep

herfrompullingthetrigger.

“Vanlovesme,too.Nomatterwhathesays,helovesme.I’mhismomma;hehasto

loveme.Hewoulddoanythingforme.”Kendragivesafranticnodofherown,her
movementsjerky.“OnlyCrewdidn’tloveme,buthewassupposedto.Idideverythingfor
him,gavehimason,buthestilldidn’tloveme.”

“I’msureCrewlov—”Istart,butshecutsmeoffwithashakeofherhead.

“No,hedidn’tandnowheneverwill!”shescreams,liftingherfreehandtoherhead

andpullingherhair.“Brasspromisednottotellanyone,buthe’sgoingto.He’sgoingto
tellCreweverything,andhe’llhatemeforever.”

Mystomachdrops,knowingthereisonlyonethingshecanbetalkingabout.Ihave

tobewrong,havetobe.ThereisnowaythemanIconsidermyfriendwouldsleepwith
Kendra.Notonlyissheacrazybitch,butsheishisbestfriend’smomandwashisPres’s

oldlady.Surely,Brasswouldn’tbetraytheminsuchaway.

“Crewwon’tunderstand,won’tunderstandBrasswasn’takidanymore,”shesays,

causingbiletoriseupmythroat.

Iimmediatelystarttopray,askingGodtomakeBrassanassholethatwouldbetray

VanandDad.I’dratherthatbetruethanwhatIthinkKendraisabouttosay.Istart
prayingevenharderwhenIseeVanslidingalongthewallbehindher.Iwouldgive
anythingtokeephimfromhearingthenextwordsoutofhermouth.

Heliftshisfingertohismouth,lettingmeknowtokeepmymouthshut.Idoashe

orders,loweringmyeyes.Idon’twanthertoknowhe’sthere.Idoubtshewouldactually
shoothim,butsheistweakingsobadrightnowthatshemightnotevenrealizewhatsheis
doing.

“Hewasthirteen.That’snotakid,”shesaysinafucked-upattempttoexcuse

herself.“Hemayhavebeencrying,butIknowhewantedmetodoit.Hewanteditevery
time,nomatterwhathesaid.”

Myeyesjerkupatherwords,goingtoVanonceagain.Iseealookofpure

devastationcrosshisfaceandcan’tstopmybreakfastfromspewingout.Igrabholdof
Denver’skennelanddroptomykneesasmybodyheavespainfully.Mymindfillswith
theimageofBrassasayoungboy.Icanseeitclearly,canseethisbitchrippinghisworld
toshreds.

“You’refuckingsick!”Vanshoutsbeforethesoundofafisthittingfleshfillsthe

room.

Asplitsecondlater,thepistolfliesacrosstheroom,andKendradropstothefloor.I

turnmyheadjustenoughtoseebloodtricklingfromherlips.Iwatchassheattemptsto
pushherselfup,butVanlayshishandonhershoulderandholdsherinplace.Myeyesare
gluedtoherfacewhenheplaceshisotherhandonthebackofherheadandgivesita
brutaltwist.Thesnapofherneckbreakinghitsmyearsjustbeforetheroomgoes
completelysilent.

Idon’tevenrealizeascreamhasleftmymouthuntilVanpullsmeoffthefloor.He

dragsmerightpasther,upthestairstoourroom.Myentirebodyisinshockasheleads
metothebathroom.Onceinthere,hepullsmyshirtovermyheadandtossesitonthe
floorthenturnsonthefaucet.

“It’sgonnabeokay,”hesays,grabbingawashclothfromtheshelf.

Aftergettingitwet,hewashesoffmyface.Hedoesthisgently,runningthecool

clothovereveryinchofskin.Whenheisdone,itlandsonthefloorbesidemyshirt.Then,
hegrabsthemouthwashandfillsthetop.

“Rinseoutyourmouth,Ronni,”heorders,holdingittomylips.

Idoasheorders,mybodytremblingtheentiretime.WhenIamfinished,hedrags

meintothebedroom,grabsoneofhistees,andpullsitovermyhead.Mybodyisrunning
onauto-pilotasIslidemyarmsthroughtheholes.

“She’sgonenow.Shecan’teverhurtyouagain,”hestatesasheleadsmetothebed

andpushesmedown.“I’vegottagotakecareifthisshit.”

Iwatchhimwalkaway,tryingtomakesenseofhiswords.Ittakesafewminutesfor

mymindtoclearenoughtounderstand.By‘thisshit,’hemeanshismother’sbody.Ican’t
lethimdothatonhisown,nomatterhowdamnfreakedoutIfeel.

Takingadeepbreath,Ipushmyselfoffthebedandforcemylegstocarrymyself

downthesteps.WhenIhitthebottom,Ihearhimtalkingonthephone,andmyheart
breaksforwhathemustbegoingthrough.

“Ikilledthebitch,Tito,”hesays,hisvoicebreakingwitheachword.“Ifucking

killedmyownmother.”

Mychesttightens,realizingthatissomethingheisgoingtocarryaroundwithhim

therestofhislife.Nomatterwhatshedid,nomatterwhatshecouldhavedone,heis
goingtoregretendingherlife.

“Theshitshewassaying…Fuck,brother.Ican’tgetthatshitoutofmymind,”he

growls,hisvoicehardandcold.“IfIcould,Iwouldkillheragain.”

Okay,maybeVanisn’tfeelinganyregretrightnow.Itwillcomewithtime,anditis

goingtohithimhardashell.Heisgoingtobefilledwithanger,guilt,pain,andamillion
otherfuckedupemotions.I’mtryingtothinkofhowIcanhelphimwhenhesuddenly
turnsasifhecouldfeelmebehindhim.

“Seeyouinfive,”hesays,slidingthephoneintohispocket.

Heimmediatelycomestomeandpullsmeintohisarms.Iburymyheadagainsthis

chestandholdhimclose,hopinghecanfeelhowmuchIlovehim.

“Youneedtogobackupstairs,darlin’,”hetellsme,leaningbackjustenoughtolook

intomyeyes.“I’llcomeandgetyouassoonaswegetridofher.”

Hearinghimtalkabouthismother’sbodylikeitisapieceoftrashsendsanother

waveofshockthroughmybody,butIpushitaway.Ihavetobestrongforhimrightnow.
WhenIhaveafewminutesalone,Icanhaveabreakdown.Ijustshakemyheadashe
wipesthetearsfrommycheeksthatIdidnotevenknowwerefalling.

Takingadeepbreath,Ipullaway.“I’mokay.”

ThesoundofDenverbarkingisechoingthroughoutthehouse.Hedoesn’tsound

quiteasferociousnow,buthestillsoundsonedge.Hewantsout,wantstomakesureI’m
okay,butthat’snotgoingtohappen.Withthewaythingsaregoing,he’dprobablyattack
herbody.Vanmaynotmindthat,butIdefinitelywould.

“Whydon’tyoutakeDenveroutbackforafewminutes?”heasksasifhecanread

mymind.

“Thatmaynotbeagoodidea,”Ireply,lookingoverhisshouldertowhereKendra’s

bodyisstillsprawledacrossthefloor.

Helooksbackthennods,obviouslygettingmymeaning.Hepullsmeintohisarms

again,holdingmetight.He’squietforafewminutes,bothofuslostinourthoughts.As
badasitsounds,allIcanthinkisthatthereisadeadwomanlyingonourlivingroom
floorandIwantsomeonetogetherthefuckoutofhere.

ThesilencecontinuesforafewlongminutesuntilIhearthesoundsofbikespulling

intothedriveway.Iletoutarelievedbreath,knowingthecavalryhasarrived.Now,Ican
gohideinthebedroomandcrymyfuckingeyesout.

ChapterThirty-Five

Veronica

MyheadislyingonVan’schestwhileheholdsmeclose.Wehavebeeninbedmorethan
anhour,neitherofussayingaword.Infact,hehasbarelysaidawordsincehecame
homefromgettingridofhismom’sbody.Ihavenoideawhathedidwithit,andIhaveno
planstoeveraskhim.Icangotomygravewithouteverknowingthatinformation.

“Areyouallright?”Iask,breakingtheuncomfortablesilence.

Thequestionisstupid.Thereisnodamnwayheisallright.Notonlydidhetake

someone’slife,butthatsomeonewashismother.Thereisnotonefuckingthingallright
aboutthat,butwhatelseamIsupposedtosayatatimelikethis?

“Isawherstandingthereinfrontofyou,holdingaguninherhand,andIcouldn’t

fuckingbelieveit,”hesaysinavoiceonlyashadelouderthanawhisper.“Then,Iheard
theshitshewassayingandjustsnapped.”

Idon’twanttothinkofeverythingshesaid.Justthinkingabouteverythingmakesme

wanttobesickagain.VantoldDadeverything,eventheshitaboutBrass,buthedidn’ttell
anyoneelse.Withoutwords,heletmeknownottoevermentionanythingshesaid.If
Brasseverwantstotellanyonewhatshedid,that’suptohim.It’snotanyofourplacesto
sayshit.IjusthopethatIwillbeabletolookathimwithoutpityinmyeyes.

“Youdidn’tdoanythingwrong,”Isay,runningmyfingersovertheinkonhischest.

“Youdidwhatyouhadtodotoprotectme.”

Kendranevertrulythreatenedme,unlessyouconsidertheguninherhand.She

neverapproachedme,neverthreatenedtoshootme,neverevenreallypointedthegunat
me.I’mnotsureifshewouldhavekilledme.Ifanything,Ithinkshemayhavekilled
herself.Shewasabrokenwoman.Vanmayhavekilledher,buthealsoputheroutofher
misery.

“Idon’tfeellikeIdidanythingwrong.Don’tfeelmuchofanythingreally.”Hegoes

quietforaminuteortwothenasks,“AmIsupposedtofeelsomething?Aren’tIsupposed
tofeelbad,sad,somefuckingthingotherthanrelievedshe’snotgonnabeinmylife
anymore.”

IrememberthenumbfeelingIfeltaftermymotherdied.Iwasweighteddownwith

suchguiltfornotbeingsadthatitdamnnearkilledme.Formonths,Iwassuresomething
waswrongwithme.Ifinallyrealizedthatmyguiltwasmisplaced.Wecan’tcontrolour

emotions,nomatterhowmuchwewantto.

“I’mnottheonetoaskbecauseIdidn’tevencrywhenMomdied.Ididn’tfeel

anything.Ifeltsadthatshediedsoyoung,butnothingmore,”Isay,knowinghewill
understand.“Ireallytriedtofeelsomesortofgrief,butitjustwasn’tthere.”

Van’sarmstightenaroundmeashesays,“Well,aren’twejustapair?Maybe,ifour

mothersweren’tsoshitty,they’ddeservealittlesympathy.”

“True,”ImumbleasIslingmylegoverhis.“Theynevercaredaboutuswhenthey

werealive,soit’sfittingwedon’tcarenowthatthey’redead.”

AsIsaythewords,Irealizejusthowtruetheyare.Mymomdidn’tgiveashitabout

mewhenshewashereonthisearth.Iwasnothingmorethanaweightaroundherneck,
oneshewantedtoshed.Kendrawasthesame,usingVanashermealticketwithmyfather
butnevergivinghimevenanounceoflove.Neitherofthemearnedoursympathy.

Herunshishanddownmyback,restingitjustabovemyass.“Idon’tknowwhatI

wouldhavedoneifIhadlostyou.”

Igouponmyelbow,wantingtolookintohisbeautifulblueeyes.“Youdidn’tlose

me,Van.You’renevergoingtoloseme.”

Hemaynothavetalkedmuchsincegettinghome,buthiseyesfollowedmyevery

mood.Hetouchedme,kissedme,heldmeclose.ItwaslikehewasafraidIwasgoingto
disappear.Igavehimthat,needingitasmuchashedid.

“Proveit,”heorders,movinghishandtomyheadandforcingmylipstowardhis.

“Remindmethatwe’rebothstillbreathing.”

IknowwhathewantsbecauseIwantit,too.I’mjustnotsurethatiswhateitherof

usneeds.Ashrinkwouldprobablytellustotalkaboutourfeelings,nottosmotheraway
thepainwithsex.Thenagain,mymanisabiker.He’sadifferentbreedofman—aman
thatalwaysknowswhathewantsanddoeswhathehastodotogetit.

Ibrushmylipsoverhisandwhisper,“Icandothat.”

Thewordsarebarelyoutofmymouthwhenherollsmeoverandjerksmynighty

overmyhead.Mypantiesgorightbeforehetugsoffhisboxers.Hesettlesbetweenmy
legs,bringinghislipsbacktomine.Hekissesmesoftly,showingmeatendernessIhave
neverexperiencedbefore.Ourtonguesslideagainsteachotherashishandsrundownmy
body.

Hislipsleavemine,travelingslowlydownmybody.Hepullsoneofmynipplesinto

hismouth,suckingitdeep.Igaspatthepleasurefillingmybody.Hismouthmovestothe
othernipple,givingitthesametreatment.Eachtimehisteethscrapeagainstthetight
peaks,Iletoutanothermoan.

Heslowlymovesfurtherdownmybody,trailingkissesallthewaytomypubic

bone.Heglideshisfingertipsovermypussy,payingcloseattentiontomyclit.Finally,he
sinksafingerdeepinsideme.Atthesametime,hismouthlatchesontomyclit,andhe
givesitagentlenip.Thesensationhasmyhipscomingoffthebedandawhimperpouring
frommylips.

“Ilovetastingyou,baby.You’resosweetandtangy,fuckingdelicious,”hegrowls

againstmyclit,sendingashiverupmyspine.

Myhandsgotohisheadandholditinplace.Iwanttosaysomething,tellhimhow

goodthisfeels,butIcan’tseemtomakemymouthformthewords.Mymindisso
consumedwiththepleasureIamfeeling,it’sallIcandotoevenbreathe.

Hecontinuestoglidehisfingersinandoutashesucksonmyclit.Witheachsecond

thatpasses,I’mgettingcloserandclosertotheedge.AsmuchasIwanttoletgo,lethim
takemetothepinnacle,Ineedhiminsideme.Iwanttocomearoundhiscock.Iwanthim
tofeelwhathedoestome.

Ipullonhishead,wantinghiseyesonmine.“Iwantyouinsideme,Van.Ineedyou

insideofmetonight.”

“Don’tworry,baby,”hesayswithasmile,stillstrokinghisfingersinsideme.“I’m

gonnabeinsideyoubeforethisnightisover.”

“But,Ineedyounow,”Ibeg,feelingtearspoolinmyeyes.“Ineedtofeelconnected

toyou.Iwantyoutofeelconnectedtome.”

I’mnotsurewhatiswrongwithme.Itcouldbefromwatchingthelightleave

Kendra’seyes.ItmightbethefactthemanIlovehadtokillhisownmother.Maybe,it
wastalkingaboutmymom.AllIdoknowisIneedVantomakeitallbetter.

Seemingtounderstand,heimmediatelymovesbackupmybody.“Anythingyou

need,Ronni.Iwillalwaysgiveyouanythingyouneed.”

Hekissesmeashejoinsourbodies,goingtotherootandstayingthereforaminute.

Slowly,hestartstomoveinandoutofme.Hecontinuestomove,goingasdeepas
possiblewitheachthrust.Therepeatedfrictioncausesmywallstoripplewithecstasy.I
movemyhipsintimewithhis,wantinghimevendeeper.

Histhrustsarepowerfulbutgentleatthesametime.Eachtimehefillsme,Ifeelasif

weareconnectedinawaythatmeanswecanneverbetornapart.Iholdontothatfeeling
asmyorgasmrushesthroughme.Ikeepholdingontoitasmybodyconvulses,while
waveafterwaveofpleasurecrashesthroughme.

Wantingtogivehimallofme,Iscream,“Iloveyou.”

HeslamsdeeponcemoreashegroansoutthewordsIlongtohear.“Ifuckinglove

you,too.”

Epilogue

Van

StandingnearthefencerunningalongthebackofPendletonCorrectionalFacility,Ilook
upatthefullmoonandpullinadeepbreath.It’sbeendamnnearthreemonthssinceI’ve
beenabletoseeDad.Itrytogetuphereatleastonceamonth,butshithasbeentoo
fuckingcrazylatelyforthattohappen.

Thisisn’tgoingtobeanormalvisit,notinanyfuckingway.It’sgoingtobeprivate

—privateenoughtoletustalkfreely.Ittooksometalking,afewthreats,andashitloadof
cash,butIfinallyfoundaguarddirtyenoughtomakeithappen.

Thesoundofcrunchinggraveldrawsmyattention.Iturnmyheadandwatchmydad

walkingmyway.EverytimeIseehim,Igetaglimpseofmyselftwentyyearsfromnow.
Hisdeepauburnhairisthesamecolorasmine,withoutevenastreakofgreyinit.I’vegot
hisbuild,hisnose,hismouth.TheonlythingIgotfrommomismyblueeyes.Eventhey
areshapedjustlikeDad’s.

“Whatthefuck,boy?”heasksassoonashegetsnear.“Howthehelldidyouget

someguardtodragmeouthereinthemiddleofthenight?”

“Ican’ttellyouallmysecrets,Dad.”Ipullajointandlighteroutofmypocketand

handthemtohim.

EvenwithallthemoneyIgavethebastard,theguardmadeitclearDadwouldbe

swimminginshitifhecamebackinthejailwithanydrugsorweapons.Heneversaida
fuckingthingabouthimenjoyingalittlerecreationalweedwhileweweretalking.

“Icomeupforparoleintwomonths,soIhopeyouaren’tplanningtobreakmyass

outtonight.”Helightsup,givingitalonghitandpassingitmyway.“Weshouldwaitand
seeifthehearingswingsmyway.”

Thisishisthirdtimeinfrontoftheparoleboard.Bothoftheothertimes,hislawyer

toldhimhischanceswereslim.Sheendedupbeingright.Thistime,shebelievesDadis
goingtogetit.Ihopelikefuckshe’srightagain.

“Nottonight.”Itakeaquicktokebeforehandingitback.“Weneedtotalk.”

“Thentalk,”heordersinawayonlyafathercan.

Itakeadeepbreath,knowingwhatI’mgonnasayisgoingtoguthim.Notthathe

willgiveashitMomisgone,buthe’llhateIwastheonetotakeherout.Ilayitallout,

tellhimaboutkillingMomandwhy.Heasksafewquestions,buthemostlyjustlistens.
WhenIstarttalkingaboutBrass,hedropshishead.BythetimeI’mdone,heisvibrating
withanger.

“Didshetouchyou,Van?”hegrowls,hisheadstillhanging.“Didthatcunttrythat

shitwithyou?”

“No,shenevertried,”Iassurehim,disgustfillingmybody.

Forthefirstfewdaysafterthisshitwentdown,Ronniwatchedmelikeahawk.Most

ofthetime,hereyeswerefilledwithfear.Itwaslikeshewaswaitingformetobreakand
losemyfuckingmind.Othertimes,theywerefilledwithworry.Ittookmeawhileto
figureitout,butIfinallyunderstoodshewasworriedMomhaddonethesameshittome.
WhenIfinallytoldheritdidn’thappen,sherelaxed.

Hefinallylooksup,relieffillinghisface.“Shewasfuckedup,son.I’veneverseena

personsofullofdemons.Itwaslikeshelivedeveryminutefightinganunwinnablebattle.
Itried,triedlikeamotherfucker,butIcouldneverhelpher.”

“Whythefuckdidyoueverclaimher?”Iask,needingtoknowtheanswer.

“Iwon’ttellyouIlovedherbecauseIneverdid,”hestates,takinganothertokedeep

inhislungs.“Imarriedher,gavehermycut,becauseshewaspregnantwithyou.Ikept
heraroundbecauseshehadyou.Then,IaskedmybestfriendtotakeheronbecauseI
wantedhimtotakecareofyou.”

Icanunderstandthat.IalmostdidthesamethingwithRegina.Ifithadn’tbeenfor

Tito,she’dprobablybewearingmyringrightnow.Ididn’tloveher,didn’tevenlikeher
afterawhile,butIdidn’twanttobeapart-timedad.Iwantedtobeinmydaughter’slife
onadailybasis,andIthoughttheonlywaytodoitwastomarrythebitch.

ThinkingofCline,Ipullapictureoutofmybackpocket.Itookitwithmyphonenot

longago.Thetwoofthemwereinthekitchen,makingacakeandlaughingtheirassesoff.
IstoodatthedoorwatchingthemandknewIwantedtorememberthatmomentforever.
Theverynextday,Iprinteditoff,knowingIwantedmydadtohaveacopy.

“Hereyougo,”Isay,pushingitthroughthechainlinkfence.

Hetakesit,usingthemoonlighttostudyit.“Fuck,sheisgettingbig.”

WhenClinewasababy,Iusedtobringhertoseehim.Atthetime,shehadno

fuckingideawhereshewas.Shewon’teverevenrememberbeinginsidetheprison.That
stoppedwhensheturnedthree.NeitherDadnorIwantedhertohavememoriesofher
grandfatherbehindbars.Now,hegetspicturesandtheoccasionalphonecall.

“Veronicagrewupwell,reallyfuckingwell,”headdswithahalf-grinonhisface.

Ichucklebecauseheistellingthedamntruth.“She’salreadywearingmycut,my

ink,andshe’llbewearingmyringsoon.”

“Good,”hemumbles,takingonelasthitandtossingtheroachontheground.“Has

Gillespiebeendealtwithyet?”

Evenbeinginside,TitokeepsDadcurrentwitheverythingthatconcernstheclub.

Likeme,hepaysguardsfortheprivilegeofprivatechats.Titohasalwayssaidthatitwas

moneywellspent,sayingmyfatherwasfuckingbrilliant.Hecouldfindtheanswertoany
problem,evenifthatanswermeantbloodshed.

“BrassisinVegasrightnow.Thebastardwillhavehismoneybytheendoftheday

tomorrow,”Iexplainwithanod.

Ronni’sinheritancewasreleasedalittleoveramonthagowhensheturnedtwenty-

five.Ittookfuckingforevertogetthemoneytransferredtoheraccount.Then,shehadto
jumpthroughamillionhoopstoactuallygetherhandsonthecash.Erinhadtodoher
magic,settingupmultipleaccountsalloverthecountrythentransferringthemoneyin
smallchunks.Eventhen,RonniendedupgivingtheIRSmorethantheirfairshare.

“Areyousurethat’ssmart?”heasks,lookingmeintheeye.

“Notsuretherewasanythingelsewecouldhavedone,”Iadmitwithashrug.

Hedoesn’treply,knowingIdonotwanttohearwhathehastosay.HeandTito

talkedaboutit,andmydadwasn’thappyaboutpayingthemanoff.Hethinksitwillonly
leadtomoreproblemsinthefuture.TitoandIdiscussedit,andwebothagreedwithhis
reasoning.Wejustdidn’thaveanyotherchoice.

Healsodidn’tliketheideaofRonnigivingtherestofhermoneytocharity.He

understandswhyshewantsto,justthinksitmaybesafertoputthatshitupforarainyday.
Withtheliveswelive,youneverknowwhatisgoingtohappennext.Again,Iagreed,so
muchsothatIendeduptalkingtoRonniaboutit.Ittookawhileforhertoseethelight,
butshefinallydecidedtoholdontoit.Themoneywon’tbetouchedunlesslifethrowsus
anothercurveball.

“I’dkindaliketobetherewhenyougethitched,”hesays,changingthesubject.“Do

youthinkyoucanwaitafewmoremonthstomakeyouroldmanhappy?”

“AslongasIdon’tknockherassupbeforeyougetout,itshouldn’tbeaproblem,”I

tellhimhonestly.

Justyesterday,Clineaskedmewhenshewasgoingtogetalittlesister.Shemadeit

clear;shewantsasister,notabrother.Ilaugheditoff,butthethoughtstuckinmyheadall
fuckingnight.AssoonasIgotupthismorning,ItoldRonniIwantedhercarryingmy
babybytheendoftheyear.Surprisingly,sheagreedinstantly.Shemadeanappointment
tohaveherIUDremovednextweek.Afterthat,I’mgoingtodomydamnedesttoplant
mybabyinsideher.

“Well,ifitgetsmeanothergrandkid,IguessI’mokaywiththat.”Hechuckles.

“Hopefully,I’llbearoundtoseethisonegrowup.”

BeforeIcansayanything,asharpwhistlefillstheair.Myeyessearchfortheguard,

knowingheissomewhereclosebutnotcloseenoughtohearourconversation.Ifinally
findhimstandingaboutfortyfeetaway.

“Guessthat’smycue,”Dadstates,liftinghischin.“Loveyou,son.”

Inodmyhead,hatingthatourtimeisoveralready.“Loveyou,Dad.”

Hewalksawaywithoutanotherword.Iwatchuntiltheguardleadshimbackinside

thenheadbacktomytruck.AssoonasIopenthedoor,IseeRonnisleepingwithherhead

leaningonthewindow.AsmilespreadsacrossmyfaceasIclimbinside.

Shejerksawakewhentheenginestarts.“How’syourdad?”

Shewantedtocomewithme,butIrefused.WefoughtlikehelluntilIfinallygave

in.Iagreedshecouldridealongbutrefusedtolethergotalktohimwithme.I’llbringher
backinafewweekstolethermeetmydad.Theconversationwehadtonightwasnotone
Iwantedhertohear.Shelivedthroughthatshit;she’ddidn’tneedtoheartheblowby
blow.

“He’sdoinggood,reallygood.Lookingforwardtohisparolehearing,”Itellher,

pullingontotheroad.“He’sreadytohaveanothergrandbaby.”

Shescootscloserandrunsherhandupmythigh.“Soundslikewehavesomework

todo.”

Ismile,nottakingmyeyesofftheroad.“Baby,that’snotgonnabework.It’llbe

purefuckingpleasure.”

TheEnd

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Trix

“Putherdown,”saysagravellyvoicefrombehindme.Evenwithoutseeinghimorhis
cut,IknowthevoicebelongstoBoz.Thatvoicecouldbringmetomyknees.

Thedickheadletsmedownandtwirlsmearound,allowingmetoseethemanthat

controlstheGrimBastards.Myeyeslockonhis,andIhavetofighttheurgetoruntoward
him.Theattractionisstillthere;IstillwanthimjustasbadasIdidthelasttimeIlaideyes
onhim.

Heis,handsdown,themostgorgeousmanI’veeverseen.Eventhoughthisisn’tthe

timetobenoticinghowsexyheis,Ican’thelpit.Boznowhashishaircutshortonthe
sidesandintheback,notlongandcurlinguplikeitusedtobe.Evenwithitcutthisway,
there’dstillbejustenoughontoptogetagoodhandfulwhilehisheadwasburied
betweenmylegs.Hischiniscoveredinscruff,asifhehasn’tshavedinadayortwo,but
thecrisplinesarounditproveshewearsitlikethatonpurpose.

Hehasn’treallychanged,butthere’sahardnessinhiseyesthatwasn’ttherebefore.

He’swearinganoldMetallicatee,withhiscutoverit.Icanseeabitofinkpeekingoutof
thecollar,andhisarmsarecoveredintats.Irememberclearly,evenonlyseeingitinthe
moonlight,thatthemanhasinkalloverhisarmsandchest.It’snotallclutteredupwhere
youcan’ttellwhatanythingis,buthedoeshavealotofthem.AllIknowisthatIthink
theyaresexyashell,andI’vealwayswonderedifhehasthemeverywhereelse.

I’mabouttolookathisfaceagain,buthemovesahand,drawingmyattentiontoit.I

lookatthewordfast,tattedacrosshisfingers.Lookingattheotherhand,Ireadhold.
Then,thememoryofthepleasurethosehandsoncegavemefillsmymind.

Shakingawaymythoughts,Idemand,“Whydidyouhaveuskidnapped?”

Hecocksabrowbeforeanswering,“That’sbetweenmeandyourdad.”

“Howcouldyoudothistome?”Isay,takingastepforward,neverbreakingeye

contact.“Iknowitwasjustonenight,butdidn’titmeansomethingtoyou?”

Hislipsturnupinagrin.“Itmeantsomething,Trix.”

I’veseenhimafewtimessinceouronenight,butIwasalwaystooshytosay

anything.Iwouldavoidhimwhenhecamearound,buthehasneverbeenfarfrommy
mindormydreams.Manynights,Iwouldrunthebatteriesdeadinmyvibrator,allwhile
thinkingofthoseink-coveredfingersslidinginandoutofme.

Again,Ishakeawaymythoughtsandask,“Then,howcouldyoudothis?Howthe

hellcouldyouhavemeandmyfriendkidnapped?”

“Onethinghasnothingtodowiththeother,darlin’,”hestateswithashrug.

Myangercontinuestogrow.“I’vedreamedaboutthatnightamilliontimes.They

werethebestfuckingdreamsofmylife,andnowyou’veruineditforme.EverytimeI
thinkofit,Iwillthinkofyoupullingthisshit.”

Hethrowshisheadbackandlaughs,adeep,throatylaughthatleavesmypanties

soaking.“Don’tworry,baby.I’llmakesureyouhavesomethingelsetodreamabout.”

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Acknowledgments

AspecialthankstoShayLich,KendraGaither,andDanaLamothe.

YougirlsROCK!

Wewanttothankourfamiliesagain.Weloveyouall.

EmilyMinton

USATodayBestsellingauthorEmilyMintonisaKentuckynative.Sheisproudtocallthe

BluegrassStatehome.Sheclaimsshebleedsblue–WildcatBlue!Shehasbeenmarriedto

herhusband,David,forovertwentyyears.Theysharetwowonderfulchildren.

EmilylovestoreadandhasmorebooksonherKindlethanmostpeoplecouldreadina

lifetime.

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ShelleySpringfield

ShelleywasbornandraisedinKentuckyanddoesn’tseeherselfleavingtheBluegrass

Stateanytimesoon.Shelleyandherhusbandhavebeentogetherforsixteenyears,and

theysharethreebeautifuldaughtersandonehandsomeson.

AlthoughGrimBastardsisherfirstpublishednovel,shehasbeenafanofromancereads

formany,manyyears.Shelleylovesallsortsofromancegenres,butContemporary,New

Adult,andRomanticComedyareherall-timefavorites.

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