Table of Contents

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
About the Author
Copyright

Earth

is a planet respected throughout

the galaxy. Its population, formerly
known for wars and brutality, evolved
into

a

new

race

divided

among

Innocents, Adults, and Teachers, easily
distinguishable by the color of their
eyes.

Green-eyed Innocents are usually

the youngest of their kind. Sexually
inexperienced, they have yet to discover
their hidden potential.

Adults, with their eyes the bright

color of blue, make up most of the
population and they lead regular lives,
not willing or able to reach the higher
level.

The last but most respected group is

the

Teachers.

Their

higher

understanding

of

life,

love,

and

spirituality, together with their extreme
expertise in all sexual matters, brings
them the gift of immortality. The stage
when their blue Adult eyes turn to
purple and they enter New Life makes
them highly valued individuals on Earth
as well as on other planets.

The Teachers’ desire to travel and

spread their knowledge to other worlds
brought new technologies back to Earth,
making it one of the most developed
planets in the system.

Chapter 1

Entering

my apartment after a long

walk, the first thing I saw was Cherry
sitting on my gray sofa with her elegant
legs crossed. The leg on top was
bouncing frantically as she cut me with
a piercing look of anger.

“W here have you been? Your work

was over hours ago!” Annoyance was
evident in her chopped words as well as
in her raised voice.

“I took a walk after work. I was

tired and needed to think. Have you
been waiting long?” I asked her,
concerned.

“Of course I have! You are never

home when I need you!” She was
pouting and whining, and I could feel a
pressure headache developing behind

my eyes.

I sat next to her, touching her leg

gently with my palm. “I’m here now.
W hat do you need from me?”

She threw herself on me, and her

arms wrapped tightly around my neck.
“I want you in me! I can’t stand it any
longer!” That whine rang again.

The kisses she laid on my exposed

neck were getting rougher, and I was
about to answer when she lifted her
head, planting a wet kiss against my
lips. I tasted her heavy lipstick, felt her
sharp fingernails pressing into the back
of my neck. M y pants were getting
tighter the rougher she got. Under her
persistence, I leaned slowly back on the
sofa, letting her climb expertly into my
lap. M y shirt was lifted up before she
abandoned my mouth and bit hard on
the left nipple. I groaned loudly, feeling
the sweet pain spread through my chest,

down my belly, and below my waist.

Her clothes disappeared soon after

that, exposing all her luscious curves to
my touch. I liked the way her soft flesh
bent under my exploring palms, how her
whole body perfectly fit mine. She was
beautiful, her long, blonde hair falling
around us, blue eyes staring at mine
provocatively every time our eyes met.
Her kisses were getting bolder as she
unzipped my pants and kissed the tip of
my blood-filled cock.

I watched the top of her head as her

tongue pulled moans out of me. M y
thoughts

were

drifting

somewhere

between fantasy and reality as the
curves of her gorgeous ass danced in the
air just for me.

The only problem was that, even

though I found everything about her
tempting, all her efforts arousing, my
previously straining cock started to

deflate.

The

fall

was

slow

but

continuous, despite her teasing tongue
and her incredible lips.

Terror shook me with every passing

second, because I knew exactly what
would happen next. It had been a
continuing story for the whole previous
year.

“I can’t fucking believe this!” Her

scream of outrage was nothing I hadn’t
heard before. She stared at me with
betrayal in her eyes, shock painting her
features. She couldn’t believe that her
efforts were useless or that she was the
problem. Something like this had never
happened to a person like her. Of course
I was the one to blame; it was the only
thing that made sense.

“I’m sorry. I don’t do it on purpose

—” I tried, but she cut me off.

“I don’t really care! I can’t do this

anymore! W e are sexual people. I need to

fuck to be someone on this planet, and I
need to do it often!” She was absolutely
right. I knew all that already.

“I’m really sorry, honey. I’m sure it

will be different a little later,” I tried,
seriously doubting that statement. W hy
was I the one with a dysfunctional
cock?

“The hell it will! You’ve been saying

that for a year now, and I still haven’t
gotten any sex from you. I’m an Adult,
for crying out loud! I can’t spend all my
young years with an Innocent!” she said
without lowering her tone.

“W hat are you saying, Cherry?” I

knew where she was heading, but I
wanted to be sure. I needed to hear her
say it loud and clear.

“I’m saying that I’ll find an Adult

who can fuck me till I can’t see straight,
and I’m saying that the two of us are
over! I’ll remove your access clearance

from my apartment. Have a nice life.”
She was pulling on her tight shirt as she
walked to the front door, her head held
high, her whole posture stiff. She was
still angry, but I was the one exposed on
my sofa. I was the one who’d just gotten
brutally dumped.

I looked at my flaccid cock peeking

through my unzipped pants. I hated him
in that moment, just as I’d hated him so
many times before when he gave up in
the

middle

of

foreplay.

Betraying

bastard!

Throwing

my

head

back

and

thinking about Cherry, I realized that I
didn’t care all that much about a
relationship with her. She was fun to be
around, and we’d had some good times,
but that was it. I wouldn’t be missing
her all that much.

The thing that I did miss was my

reliable erection. W hat was I supposed

to do now that there was no woman in
my life anymore? I wished a solution
would come on its own, but I wasn’t
really holding my breath. I needed
someone to take away my Innocent eyes
and give me pleasure while doing it, but
the problem was my naked friend in
front of me. He probably wouldn’t
cooperate with another woman, either.

“M y problem isn’t getting you up,

you idiot. It’s keeping you up,” I said to
him, frustrated, as I reached for the
remote.

The screen resumed playing the

erotic movie I had programmed where
I’d stopped it a few days ago. I
remembered the last time I had watched
it, after she’d left me in anger, much like
today.

But even the movie wasn’t enough

of a stimulant for the idiot to stand up
proud. I knew that, today, it was all

about Cherry. I could delude myself that
nothing she had said had hurt, but it
didn’t mean it didn’t sting, that it didn’t
damage my already-bruised pride.

I watched the screen, but I didn’t

see the movie. There was no problem
when I was alone or when I needed to
get aroused. I was a healthy man who
just had to get past that difficult first
time. It must have been my nerves….

“You’ve been telling yourself that

for a year now, Reji. It’s not nerves.”
And I knew it.

A disturbing thought that had been

edging itself through my mind for a
while now drifted there again. I said it
out loud for the first time, my palms
sweating, my cock still flaccid on my
belly. “W hat if I’m attracted to men and
not women?” I thought about it but felt
nothing as I pictured a naked man in my
mind. I turned my head toward the

screen again, observing the naked actor
parading next to the bed. I felt nothing
similar to arousal, but it was already
more than proven that I couldn’t do
anything with a woman. M aybe I should
try a man?

One week later

“I can

do it. How hard can it be,

anyway? I’ll just walk in there, sit at a
bar, and wait for some guy to hit on me.
It shouldn’t be that difficult, right? I’ll
just say up front that I don’t plan on
having sex with him, and everything
will be all right,” I said to myself while
walking toward Club Red.

“I have to try it; there just isn’t any

other choice. I’m a man of twenty, and I

still have no idea if I prefer women or
men. I’m an idiot.” I just couldn’t put it
off anymore.

I kept trying to convince myself

that it was all because I was nervous,
that the whole getting-naked thing and
someone else touching me caused
different negative emotions to come to
the surface. But the logical part of my
mind had an opinion about all that
ridiculous convincing. Just one word
really: bullshit!

“There is just something terribly

wrong with me, and if I can’t get it up
with a man, I’ll just turn to the
priesthood

and

forget

about

sex

altogether. I mean, there isn’t anything
else I can do. God, just thinking about a
man touching me makes my skin
crawl.”

All right, not exactly crawl—more

like it would make me uncomfortable.

Yes, that’s it: uncomfortable. M aybe it’s
prejudice, because I don’t think of men
as ugly. There were some rather good-
looking guys in my school and in clubs I
frequented over the weekends, but being
touched by one in that way just seemed
wrong.

“I have no idea what to do

anymore.” I sighed heavily, stopping in
the middle of the street. “It can’t really
be that bad, right? I’ll just go inside,
maybe kiss a little, and see what it’s all
about.” Then my mind did a turn and I
realized, “But if I just kiss, it won’t
prove anything! I kissed with Cherry
and it was fine; the problem is what
comes after. I can’t get naked with a
guy, no way!” M y plan had holes in it.
Damn it!

“No! No! It’s a good plan! I’ll just go

in there and see what happens. If the
kiss doesn’t do it for me, then the

problem lies elsewhere. If it does, I’ll
think about getting naked some other
time. I don’t have to do it all at once,
right? Right! It’s settled then.”

I smiled slightly, content with

myself, and moved toward the fate-
deciding club once more.

M y suppressed thoughts struggled

to break free all the way there, but I
wouldn’t have it. There was nothing
good that could come out of them.
Besides, my decision was made, and I
wasn’t planning on letting anyone sway
me from it. Not even my stubborn self.

“So, to check all preparations once

more: I showered, my clothes are the
sexiest I could find in my closet, I took
the disease pills—God, just remembering
the experience of buying them makes
my face go red. Anyway, back to the list:
I have money for the taxi and money for
the drinks, in separate pockets, just in

case; my ID; blue contacts… is that
about it? I think so. Okay, then.” I
smiled again, picking up my pace.

The chicken in me peeked out once

more when I arrived at the flashy
entrance. I had a vision of that huge
bouncer doing me against the club wall,
and only my resolve held me from
collapsing right in front of him. They
checked my ID, and I was inside in a
matter of minutes.

The first shock was the red light

that blinded me right there at the door.
The second one was someone’s hard
dick pressed against my forbidden ass,
and a warm breath whispering in my all-
too-intent ear. “Do you want to get out
of here, sweet-cake?”

Suffice it to say that I ran as fast as

I could through the crowd, somehow
managing to reach the lighted bar. I
didn’t look back, but I silently prayed

that whoever that had been didn’t follow
me. W hen the slim, red-haired bartender
finally noticed me, I yelled over the loud
music. “Vodka, Red Bull!” He just
nodded, turning around with his hips
swinging.

He smiled invitingly, minutes later,

as he brought me my much-awaited
drink. But I cradled the cool glass,
staring at the space between my elbows,
ignoring him, while hoping to find some
much-needed courage in the alcohol.

I’d only taken two tentative sips

when a big guy squeezed himself onto
the seat beside me and pressed his huge
thigh to mine. I went as stiff as a board,
instantly making that inner monologue
switch on.

“This is why you are here, Reji.

Don’t back down now. You are in public,
and there is only so much he can do
here. Just relax and smile. There is

nothing wrong with a smile.”

So I did look at him, and I did smile.

It was a tiny bit strained, but as his
white teeth flashed at me, I relaxed. He
was much bigger than I was, short black
curls covered his head, and blue eyes
caressed my body from top to bottom. It
was the most seductive smile I had ever
seen, but the turn-on part was the fact
that it was directed straight at me. The
guy was checking me out appreciatively,
as if I were a beautiful woman, and my
feelings jumbled in reaction to that.

W hen he leaned over confidently, I

gripped the edge of the bar just to stay
in place, trying very hard not to move
away. His head passed my shocked face,
stopping just above my shoulder. The
voice was getting swallowed by the loud
music, but I still heard his words.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Not the

most original pick-up line, but I was

mostly just grateful that he didn’t ask
anything sexual, so I nodded.

He called the flashy bartender over,

motioning for another round of the
same, causing me to relax some more. I
smiled to myself, thinking how this
really wasn’t all that bad and how I just
might handle it without a sweat.

But the guy caught my smile, and

probably figured it was directed at him,
because his large palm found my thigh.
It slid over my leg, almost all the way to
my groin, kneading my muscles as it
moved. The overwhelming panic that hit
me almost made me puke right then and
there, so I ran from the bar, pushing
through the crowd until I found the
bathroom sign, the one I’d seen when I
first entered the club.

Other than one occupied stall, the

bathroom was empty, allowing me to
breathe in the flower-scented air and

find my calm center. It was such a
wasted opportunity.

“I can’t find a guy like this. I’ll have

a nervous breakdown before I even kiss
someone. There has to be another way,
where I can first meet someone and then
maybe kiss,” I pondered out loud.

“Nothing comes to mind, but I can’t

very well hide in the bathroom for the
rest of the night.” I walked to the white
sink, where I washed my tired face,
glancing in the mirror above when I was
done.

The occupied stall was now open,

and the tall guy who had been inside
positioned himself behind my back. His
smile was wicked and his voice rough.
“Stand by the door and make sure no
one comes in. W e found ourselves a
treat.”

That’s when I noticed the shorter

guy, who was walking hurriedly to the

bathroom door. M y heart was beating so
hard I could hear it in my throat as I
frantically looked for an opening to
escape through. There was none.

“Nice going, Reji, you really did it

this time,” I mumbled to myself just
before the taller one grabbed me roughly
and pushed me over the hard sink.

I tried scratching him, but my short

arms couldn’t reach him, so next I
screamed as loud as I could. He laughed
cruelly from behind me, intensifying the
terror that was starting to envelop the
room. “No one can hear you, feisty one,
the music is too loud.” That was when
he leaned heavily on my back, speaking
in a lower voice. “But I like screaming;
it turns me on.” Another cruel laugh
followed his statement, sealing my fate.

I

tried

struggling

some

more,

already knowing it was no use, given the
way he unbuttoned my pants in a flash.

It doubled my already high level of
panic, causing me to flap my arms
around

uncontrollably

in

a

futile

attempt to free myself. W hat I managed
to do instead was hit a soap holder, and
the sharp edge cut my palm. I hissed as
the instant pain registered in my senses,
and it made him laugh again. “You keep
that arm away from me! I don’t need
blood on my clothes.”

Naturally, I did the opposite, but he

grabbed my arm midair and slammed it
on the sink in one fluid motion. I could
feel the bruise forming as the strength of
the blow made my eyes water. But by
the time the pain turned into a steady
throb, my virgin ass was completely
exposed, his heavy palm slapping it
repeatedly. The sound was deafening,
bringing the reality of the situation
closer to me with every stinging slap.

I was completely helpless, and the

despair of it all made tears slip down my
cheeks. M y struggles stopped as I slowly
accepted the fact that I was going to be
brutally raped. I also accepted that it
was all my own foolish fault. That was
the moment I heard his zipper lowering,
and I realized that I wasn’t going to
wake up from this nightmare.

“W hat the hell are you doing,

blocking the bathroom door? If you
want to fuck, go rent a room. There are
other people here too!” A strong voice
stopped the tall guy in his tracks,
making me lift my head to look in the
mirror.

There was an older man standing

impatiently next to the short guy,
preparing to say something else, but he
must have caught sight of the bloodied
white sink just before his penetrating
gaze connected with mine.

“Please, help me,” I whispered

desperately, and his fist automatically
connected with the short guy’s lifted
jaw. The guy fell heavily to the marbled
floor; that sight made the muscled body
that was on top of me move away
quickly. I took the chance as I pulled up
my tight pants, turned my back to the
sink, and moved all the way to the far
wall.

The older man looked extremely

pissed as the tall one slowly approached
him. I wasn’t that much of a coward
usually, but at that moment all I wanted
to do was disappear from the face of the
Earth. As soon as I saw my golden
opportunity, I jumped into an open stall,
locking the door firmly behind me. It
wasn’t a perfect hideout—far from it—
but the only door that led to freedom
was blocked, and I needed a place to
escape the situation, to cradle my
persistent shame.

I huddled into a cold corner,

noticing my bloody hand only when I
heard them again. They were panting
tiredly, with the dull hits echoing
through the tiled room, but I wasn’t
inclined to root for either of them. God
only knew what the older man had
planned for me.

I was scared out of my mind, and

only

my

self-preservation

instinct

managed to pull me out of my dark
thoughts, back into reality again, where
I took some toilet paper and wrapped my
injured hand. The cut wasn’t very bad,
but it bled a lot.

I checked my pants again to see if

they were buttoned up, making sure
that I was secure. I really wanted as
many layers on me as I could get. I heard
a soft knock on the stall door, and it
made me freeze in my trembling
motions, expecting only the worst.

“Are you all right in there? Do you

want me to call the police?” a warm
voice asked instead.

It took me some time to process his

perfectly understandable words, and
when I did, shame overwhelmed me
again, forcing me to hurry with the
answer. “No, no, don’t call the police. I
just want to get out of here. Is it safe?”

“They are both down, and I won’t

hurt you,” he said carefully. So I
collected my tender balls, which still
seemed to be attached to me despite my
behavior, and stood up.

Opening the stall door, I got my first

good look at the man who had saved me.
He was taller than I, very elegant, with
hair

the

color

of

coal.

Another

difference, as mine was light brown.
Purple eyes watched me intently,
piercing right into my soul. He was a
Teacher, and the realization made me

shudder. I had never met a Teacher
before, and to have one see me in such a
humiliating position made me lower my
eyes in embarrassment.

The bright green of my eyes shines

like a betrayal, telling the whole world
that I am a virgin at the age of twenty.
An Innocent. All of the people I knew
who were my age or older—and some
who were even younger than me—had
become Adults already and gotten their
blue eyes.

I wanted to have blue eyes too; I

wanted to be an Adult, to not be
considered a child wherever I went. That
was the reason I had blue contacts on at
the moment.

“Are you all right?” the Teacher

asked again, concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just want to get out

of here,” I repeated, thinking about how
I didn’t even deserve to be in his

respected presence.

“Come on, then, I have some

medicine paste in my car. W e’ll get you
healed up in no time.” He turned
swiftly, heading to the bathroom door,
just assuming that I would follow. It was
a good assumption in the end. Teachers
were deferred to with respect, and one
didn’t question their words. I followed
him through the door, ignoring the two
men who lay sprawled on the hard floor.

W hen I exited the bathroom, the

music hit me hard, forcing me to take a
step back. I was unsure of my ability to
move through all those cramped people,
but the Teacher turned suddenly and,
seeing me stand so still, took my moist
palm in his. He led me all the way to his
expensive car. His hand was warm and
his step light despite the age that
adorned his face. I wondered how old he
was and how long ago he had become a

Teacher.

I remembered his face when he first

entered the bathroom, when I had called
him old. I realized now that it hadn’t
been age that looked back at me, it had
been the wisdom of experience as he
took in the scene before him and acted
accordingly. That “old” I saw in his face
was somewhere around the age of forty,
but the thing was, once he’d acquired
those purple eyes, he had stopped aging.
He could easily be two hundred years
old, while to me he would look like he
was forty.

It was very rare for an Adult to

reach the high Teacher status. M ost of
them died of old age, never reaching
that level of sexual expertise, while the
Teachers usually moved to other planets
after a lifetime on Earth. M aybe he was
still under one hundred, since he was
here. It was just a thought that played in

my mind.

The loud click of the car lock in the

silence snapped me from my thoughts,
and I found myself pushed into the
interior of the car. The Teacher circled
it, getting into the driver’s seat. I was
frightened of the situation, finding
myself alone with an unknown man
again. M y heart did its panic dance once
more, making me hug myself as I sank
slowly into the comfortable seat.

He reached in the back of his

spacious car, pulling out a midsize bag
of medicines. Just one simple buckle,
and the tidy contents of it were exposed.
His hand stretched out, politely asking
for mine, so I reluctantly put my injured
palm into his. The paste was warm as I
felt it knit the damaged tissue back
together again. It wasn’t a medicine you
could just buy. It was one of the
privileges of being a Teacher, of

traveling far away, so I was more than
grateful for being taken care of by him.

“I’ll just put a bandage over it, and

you can take it off tomorrow. It will heal
by then,” he said gently as he started
carefully wrapping my hand.

“Thank you for everything….” I

started, wanting to add a name to that
but knowing it was rude to ask for one.

He read my mind with a smile on

his rather handsome face. “M y name is
Shen. W hat should I call you?”

“I’m

Reji,”

I

answered

while

cradling my wrapped hand. I felt smaller
than an ant in his presence, and the
confident energy that radiated from him
suffocated me. I wanted desperately to
leave, but at the same time, I was so
very fascinated by him.

“Are you in a hurry, Reji?” he asked

with another smile.

I didn’t have any coherent words to

offer him, so I just shook my head. It
wasn’t like I had a place to be right then;
I had gone out for the night, and lying
about it seemed almost as bad as
breaking the law.

“How about we take a walk, then,

just the two of us, and save the night
from total disaster?” He winked at me
teasingly, which made me blush like the
virgin I am.

“W here would we go?” I asked,

completely unsure of the whole idea.

“W e can go anywhere, but I would

like to take a walk down the beach,
maybe grab an ice cream. How does that
sound?”

“I guess it sounds good.” But I had

to wonder about his ulterior motives. It
didn’t seem like something a normal
person would do. Not to mention the
fact that I saw no reason why he would

ask me for a walk in the first place. I was
just a nuisance he’d rescued from rape
and bandaged up and who had ruined
his night out. But I didn’t say anything,
just went with the flow carefully.

The car flew the way the best ones

usually did, and we were at the vast
beach in no more than ten minutes. The
dark surrounded us, only the instrument
lights in the car casting a glow over his
mystical face. Uncertain of what to do
next, I tried exiting the car, but at the
last minute, he spoke quietly. “Take off
your shoes. The sand is magnificent to
walk on barefoot. It will be fun.”

I stared at him like he was insane

but, in the end, shook myself out of my
daze and did as he asked. I left my shoes
in

the

car,

instantly

forgetting

everything when appreciation filled me
as soon as I felt the sand between my
toes. I stood there looking at my feet,

and couldn’t help the happy smile that
shaped my lips.

Looking up, I saw Shen gazing at

me lovingly. It was a strange look, the
last thing I would have expected. It took
the breath out of my lungs as easily as it
made my heart dance. I wanted to ask
him about it. I should have felt
embarrassed under his all-seeing purple
gaze, but instead, I was glowing. He
came surprisingly close to me, took my
hand in his again, and led me down the
beach.

Shen spoke into the wind. “I used

to walk here a lot before, just the waves
and me. But once you leave your life,
it’s hard to get it back.”

“W hy are you walking with me?” I

asked, baffled, expecting him to get
angry or to dismiss me, but instead he
just smiled.

“I’m walking with you because it

gives me pleasure. I enjoy seeing your
cheeks redden, the wonder that seeps
from your eyes. You are so innocent, so
pure, that I crave to know more about
you.” M y eyes dropped to the ground at
the word “Innocent”—from the shame I
felt for hiding my true self, but also from
fear of rejection if he ever saw my real
eyes.

“I am not that way,” I said instead,

removing my palm hurriedly from his.
The cold that enveloped it was instant,
but I ignored it, holding onto the
threads of my false beliefs.

“W hat way do you mean?” he asked

while casually putting his hands in his
pockets.

“That way. I don’t like men.” Even I

could hear doubt in my words, but I
easily ignored that too.

“See, you have it wrong. There is no

that way or this way. W hen you make

love, you do it with a person. Their sex
isn’t important. I know you don’t
understand it. M ost Adults don’t, that is
why so many of them die. W e are raised
to put everything in categories. Rich,
poor, smart, stupid, gay, heterosexual,
beautiful, ugly. There are so many labels
that mark people, make them believe
something that isn’t true. There just
isn’t a measure for ugly or beautiful, and
no one can tell you that you are poor
because you don’t have money, and no
one can tell you that it is the right thing
for a man to only love a woman. Love
doesn’t have limits, and you don’t make
love with someone’s sex—you make love
with a person.” He took a short pause to
look at me.

“I am also not that way, but

different than you mean. I make love to
men equally as I do to women, but I
don’t label them the way you do. I see
the person inside, and my heart decides

if I will ever love that person and if I will
make love to that person.” His warm
palm moved to rest above my crazed
heart.

“Your heart will always be the one

that decides. Don’t fool yourself into
thinking that just because your brain
has the capability to choose, it will also
get the chance to choose. The heart is
the one that decides. Always listen to
your heart.” He continued his steps
slowly after that, as if giving me time to
think.

And my thick head really did think.

I understood his meaningful words. I
knew in my heart that he had a point in
there somewhere, but I just couldn’t see
past the labels, and men were still very
much men to me. I hoped that my heart
would scream its choice once it made it;
I really hoped that my brain wouldn’t
screw things up.

“W hy were you at the club if you

don’t like men?” was the first thing he
asked when I caught up with him.

The answer was like a huge boulder

waiting to fall on my idiotic head. Just
admitting the doubt would grind my
previous protest into dust. But lying to a
Teacher didn’t seem wise, so I swallowed
the shame that branded me and
answered.

“I wondered if maybe I liked men

better. I wanted to make sure nothing
was wrong with me.” I could hear my
insecure voice lowering with every
uttered word.

“How did you plan on finding that

out in a gay club?”

“I thought that maybe someone

would find me attractive and we would
kiss. If I got a… you know… that would
mean I don’t find men completely
repulsive.”

He smiled sweetly at my choice of

words.

“So

you

planned

on

just

kissing?”

“W ell, for tonight, yes, just kissing.

I figured if I really wanted to know,
there would have to be something else
later, but I wasn’t ready for it tonight. I
was too nervous to begin with. I jumped
every time someone touched me.” I
laughed sourly at myself, but Shen
reciprocated with one of his sweet
smiles.

“That wasn’t completely irrational.

But an Innocent doesn’t find his first in
a club. You have to choose carefully the
person who will give you your new eyes.
It only happens once, and you can never
repeat it. Imagine how you would have
felt if those two in the bathroom gave
you yours.”

M y head snapped around in his

direction. How could he possibly know

that I was an Innocent? I had contacts;
there was no way for him to know! Oh
God, he knows I’m an Innocent. Please,
Earth, open up; please swallow me whole
before I die of shame.

Suddenly, he was in front of me, tall

but not intimidating in the least, his
fingers softly lifting my lowered chin.
His deep purple eyes had that loving
look in them once more, and his soft
voice was like the most beautiful song.
“I know you are wearing contacts,” he
whispered “It makes your eyes blurry,
and I would like it very much if you
would take them out. The other reason I
know is because I’m a Teacher. I don’t
have to see your eyes to know. Your
whole body calls to me, calls for me to
teach it how to move, how to love. I can
sense your yearning with every step you
take; I don’t need the words to tell me
what is inside.” His other palm rested on
my chest again, making me close my

enchanted eyes, unable to withstand all
the

overwhelming

emotions

that

swamped my body.

It only took a moment for me to

recover, take out the contacts, and put
them in my pocket, but I still hesitated
when it came to looking up into his
purple ones.

“The green with which you gaze at

me is the perfection that we are born
with. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and
is worn with pride. Love every part of
yourself, Reji,” he said as he leaned
toward me.

I felt the warm breath a second

before his soft lips pressed against my
desperate ones. It was so gentle and
warm, the way he caressed them with
tiny nibbles. His tongue slipped inside,
opening me for the sweetest taste I
could ever have imagined. It was
instinct that made my body move closer

to his, that made my tentative tongue
return every delicious lick. He was
harder than Cherry, all muscle and
strength, but everything he did was so
much softer at the same time. The
painful erection that appeared between
my trembling legs made me whimper,
and in answer, he kissed me once more
before lifting his head.

M y eyes opened on their own once

that

warmth

left

me,

connecting

instantly with that purple gaze where
only unlimited tenderness showed. “You
taste like the sweetest nectar, and I
know a kiss could never be enough. M y
heart speaks to me; it tells me not to let
you go. It tells me it will love you.”
Another irresistible kiss pressed against
my wanting lips.

I didn’t have words. I didn’t see a

man before me. I didn’t see an older
man, I didn’t see a Teacher, and I

certainly didn’t see where we were
together.

M y

mind

was

away,

somewhere far away, while my heart
screamed just as loudly as I asked it to.
M y heart screamed at me to let it love.

So I made myself forget that he was

a man, and I pressed my forehead to his
perfect neck as I ached for reassurance.
His strong arms automatically hugged
me, forcing the relentless screams inside
me to beg to be silenced.

The

mild

scent

of

oranges

intertwined with the scent of man,
making me willingly drown in his arms.
The erection clearly spoke of my rising
attraction, but it also partially answered
the question my night had started with.

“Come home with me. Let me give

you your new eyes,” he whispered
unobtrusively while kissing my hair.

“Take me with you,” I whispered

back, not finding another possible

answer to that invitation.

He moved me slightly to the side as

he walked me back to the car, my head
cradled perfectly against his shoulder. It
was a safe place where I only had to
listen to my heart to know the right
thing to do. I only had to listen carefully
and not think.

His fingers were securely entwined

with mine, resting on my shaking knee,
the whole drive there, and his soft, wide
thumb made lazy circles on my sensitive
skin as I listened to my excited
heartbeat.

I don’t remember his building

complex or the elevator, his dark
apartment, or the room we went into. I
just remember that moment when he
stood before me, beautifully naked,
watching my body with such love it
made my heart swell.

“Don’t be afraid, Reji. Just touch

what you crave for, and let me touch
what I crave for. I will take care of you,
Reji,” he said while his skilled palm slid
down my chest to my aching nipple. He
touched it as if it was precious, and I
couldn’t prevent my eyes from closing
in pleasure. His wet lips were next, the
connection causing me to let go, to
accept his wicked tongue in me, to
drink his sweet taste. It caused the
swelling between my legs that, for the
first time, didn’t want to go down. I
kissed him like my life depended on it,
and I braved a touch with my palms,
reaching for his sculptured waist.

The skin there was as soft as the

rest of him, and I held onto it tightly
while his experienced fingers danced
down to my virgin ass. No one had ever
touched it the way he did. A firm grip
held me steady while his hot lips were
licking, nipping at my neck. Pre-come
was oozing from me every time I

bumped into him, and it was very
difficult to stand at all, let alone to stand
still.

Like he had read my wandering

thoughts, those strong hands took hold
of my ass even tighter as he lifted me up
on his taut body. It was a dizzying
feeling, where everything fled from my
control. I was held by a man whose
kisses were like a flame, but I still hung
on to him, trying to get even closer with
every

uncontrolled

motion

of

my

wanting body.

I don’t remember when he put me

on the large bed. I only know that I
noticed it the moment his sinful lips slid
from my nipples and engulfed my
straining length. I almost exploded as I
felt the heat swallow me, as I felt his
exploring

tongue

press

and

circle

perfectly

around

me.

It

was

overwhelming, forcing a scream out of

my overworked lungs. He pressed his
palms against my trembling thighs,
spreading my legs farther apart. Even
that was amazing, the way he caressed
me, sliding his thumbs over my tight ass
every time he moved down.

It was hard to focus on anything

while he sucked me, and I would have
been ashamed of all the loud, desperate
moans and groans that left me, if my
distracted thoughts could have allowed
me to feel shame. Instead, all I felt was
his scorching touch on every part of me.

He was playing with my sensitive

balls when his slick finger moved
around

my

constricted

entrance.

Something that would have made me
angry an hour ago now made me insane
with incredible lust, forced me to move
my body onto that finger, trying so hard
to get more of it, more of everything.
The sensation was like nothing I had

ever felt before, and when another finger
joined in, I screamed even louder.

M y senses were on overload. I had

never even imagined sex could feel that
way: the weight of another human being
pressed snugly against me, the warmth
that seeped from his body into mine… it
all made my head dizzy. I heard begging
come from my mouth, for him to stop,
to give me more, to kiss me.… I begged
without knowing what I asked for, but I
received it all. First in a kiss that
drowned everything else, and second in
the size that entered me.

He was so big that I felt pain at the

edge of my consciousness, but at the
same time, it wasn’t enough. I wanted
so much more from him, all of him in
me. I wanted him to love and take care
of me; I wanted to stay that way forever,
too overwhelmed to think but aware
enough to feel, to just feel.

W ith every measured motion of his

body, my voice left me and my hands
gripped him tighter. The whole front of
my body rubbed against him as his
hands kneaded my thighs, holding them
up high and pressed firmly against his
perspiring body. I was completely
sensitized and completely at his mercy.
It was the best experience of my life.

I felt it when his controlled

movements became rushed and when
his belly started rubbing hard against
me. From there, it only took a moment
to see stars, to grip him inside me like I
never wanted him to leave. He spilled
himself there and cried out in pleasure,
reminding me just how much I liked his
voice.

The caring kisses that followed

didn’t stop for a long time. Like he was
thanking me, he kissed every patch of
sweat-covered skin and whispered to it

how beautiful he considered it to be. I
just lay there, utterly exhausted but
completely amazed. M y mind was still in
that place where dreams resided, where
it was okay to leave my body in Shen’s
capable hands.

It was

much later, when his arms

surrounded me and his breath tickled
me, that the magnitude of the situation
reached me. I was in the hands of a
Teacher after we had passionately made
love. I was in the arms of a man for the
first time in my life.

Confusion took the place of lust,

making me get slowly out of bed to go to
the bathroom. I closed the door behind
me, leaning on it for a moment. M y
body was naked and aroused still;
random marks covered the places where
Shen had kissed, compelling me to

tenderly

touch,

remembering.

The

memory of the shine in his gaze made
me smile, and I detached myself from
the cold door and went to take a shower.

The water was amazingly warm; it

relaxed my hurts, but at the same time
reminded me why they were there. I felt
happiness throughout my being even
when I got out and dried myself, even
when the unfamiliarity of the bathroom
scared me, but looking into the mirror
for just a second shattered all the
happiness and all the smiles in me. Sky-
blue eyes were staring back at me, like
witnesses to my acts. Like traitors that
would tell the world tomorrow how Reji
had lost his innocence to a man.

I fell to my knees in disbelief,

anxiety making my body numb. I rocked
on the cold tiles until warm hands
pulled me into the Teacher’s body once
more. That moment was his for the

taking, that one last hug the scared boy
would give him. Afterward, I ripped
myself from him, rushing into the
bedroom. None of his words reached me
as I dressed frantically, all of his touches
were shoved away. I had slept with a
man and lost my Innocent eyes.

It didn’t matter that I had wished it.

It didn’t matter how wonderful it felt. I
even ignored my screaming heart that
begged me to stay with the one it cared
for. I didn’t listen and I didn’t abide.
Instead, I ran away into the drops of rain
like a coward.

Chapter 2

I took

another warm shower after I got

home that night, soaking wet and short
of breath. Yet my thoughts strayed to
his touch as the water caressed my still-
sensitive skin, and all I ended up doing
in the end was crying.

I hugged my soft pillow like a lost

child, trying to sort through the
confusion of my thoughts, but not one
of them wanted to settle in their
appropriate place. M y heart kept saying
that it wanted to hug Shen and not a
cold pillow, and my mind argued that I
wasn’t gay.

It was that dilemma that had started

it all, anyway. I had wanted to see if I
liked men or if my lack of an erection
was connected with my brain, but I

never realized that the second I found
out the truth, I wouldn’t be able to
handle it.

Exhaustion lulled me into dreamless

sleep, giving me probably the only
moment of peace I would have for a
while.

The next day came with clouds and

rain. Strong gusts of wind threw it
against my windows, mimicking the
storm that raged inside me. I was lying
in bed long after breakfast time,
thinking about everything and nothing,
shedding tears one minute but drying
them the next. Conflict that seemed as
if it were a part of me cut deep through
my whole being, bringing only limitless
questions but none of the answers.

As the day moved forward, I stayed

there, staring at the ceiling, discovering
new patterns but unable to forget the
pattern of those patient touches that

had changed me. Night sneaked up on
me like a thief, bringing hunger with it,
forcing me out of bed and into those
first traces of the present. I made dinner,
eating without tasting the food, and
afterward, turned on the news option on
the flat screen.

They went on and on about

disasters, new products, and local
Teachers. I never noticed it much, how
Teachers were entwined with us mere
mortals. How they came from the same
world, how they gave everything to
make our world more known, and how
they tried to make us live fully and
happily.

M y interest registered only when

there was a half hour show about local
Teachers living off-world. I hoped to see
Shen, despite the fact that he still lived
here. They talked about their efforts to
raise the population on one planet called

M atti, where the whole population had
forgotten how to make children. It had
been a long process, convincing their
elders to give the Teachers a chance.
Now, thirty years later, their birthrate
was finally on the constant rise again,
making every single Teacher proud of
his success.

A gorgeous redhead sat in the chair

opposite the interviewer. Her curves
were tempting even over the screen, but
when she moved her distinctive hair
from her shoulder, throwing it on her
slender back, I had to sit down.

“W hy are all of you so fucking

gorgeous?” I asked out loud to no one in
particular.

The interviewer asked her about

their efforts, making her smile wide
enough to blind the whole studio and
half the viewers.

“Oh, I love M attians. They are all so

innocent and shy, not understanding
any humor at all. They are all extremely
polite, kind, and good-looking, I might
add, but whenever you say something
that they don’t understand, you can see
the urge to escape in their eyes. They
make me laugh all the time. And having
a presentation for them is always a
blast,” she said, all smiles.

“W hat do you mean by that?”

“W ell, they are so shy that most of

them have never seen a naked person in
their lives. Now, imagine having a
presentation in a room full of beings
that don’t even grasp the concept of sex.
M ost of them get their first erections
there.” The smile never wavered from
her face, but the interviewer looked
confused.

“Their first erection? But don’t

they have some sort of education about
it?”

“Not at all. For them, it is all too

embarrassing, and the adults who
fathered children some hundred or so
years ago don’t talk about it or have
forgotten what it is all about. Imagine
being too shy to have children!”

The interviewer just stared at her,

without words.

“That was, basically, the main

reason for the Teachers to venture there
and offer their services. M atti is an
amazing planet with inhabitants that
are even more amazing. It would be a
shame to let them die out. But their
shyness was a big problem when the
Teachers first suggested the lectures and
presentations. I am glad we came to an
agreement in the end, that our efforts
there became so appreciated that they
made the presentations mandatory for
all M attians old enough to attend.”

“So you would say all is going

well?”

“Oh, so much more than that! I

mean, in the last thirty years they
started having children again. I consider
that to be a great success.”

“How about Earth, do you miss it?”

“W ell, yes and no. I miss my

neighborhood, some things I grew up
with of course, but I’d been traveling for
years before I reached New Life. It
wasn’t such a drastic change.” She
looked thoughtful for a few seconds
before smiling again.

They talked some more about casual

things, but no one mentioned the one
Teacher I was interested in. I stared at a
blank wall for a while, enjoying my self-
pity, before I decided that it was better
to go to my non-judgmental bed.

M orning wasn’t any better, but it

brought

work

with

it.

Unhurried

movements, together with a nice walk

to the library, helped to keep my mind
busy. It was a historical building with
large, white pillars surrounding it and
intricate details of carved stone marking
the windows as well as the edges of the
walls. I had loved the building ever since
I was a small child, but working there
could

have

been

more

exciting.

Excitement was certainly something I
craved in my dull life.

The work was as boring as usual. I

sat at my barren desk, booted up my
workstation, and started cataloguing
new eBooks. I’ve worked there for a few
years now, with nothing ever changing.
I write public blurbs for electronic
books, together with the sorting. Half
my time was spent there, and the rest of
it in contact with the public. People
would bring their readers to be filled
with books, or return their read books.
M any of them had done it that way for
years now. The paper section of the

library still existed and was as vast as
ever, but it was mostly used by older
citizens, while young ones preferred
everything on screen.

I personally never cared much.

Reading was something I did as a job
requirement, so it never mattered much
if the book was a paper or an electronic
edition.

The day was almost over when

familiar elbows planted themselves in
front of me on the issuing counter.
London was one of my work colleagues
and probably the closest thing to a best
friend I had. His skin was the color of
caramel, which only made his blue eyes
more

stunning.

His

clothes

never

featured less than four different colors
in blinding designs, but it was his hair
that always drew my eyes. It was sharp,
but always perfectly formed, if you could
call that erratic look a form. Light brown

would have given him the gentle look of
a flirt, but the eye-catching bright tips
always led you away from that illusion.
He colored them differently every
month, from reds and blues to green and
gold, always matching the pointed tip of
his darker beard to the tips of his hair.

But somehow none of it mattered

when he smiled. All you would be able to
center on were those straight white
teeth and an adorable smile. In that
smile, I realized that there actually was a
man I found attractive. There was no
way you could call London unappealing,
even if he was a man.

I had left Shen because I thought it

impossible to be with a man, to have
such deep feelings, for it to be all right
in the end. W hat if I was wrong?

Slight stabs of fear pierced my

armor for a few terrifying moments.
“W hat if I’ve made the biggest mistake

of my life?” The words just tumbled out
of my mouth.

“W hat mistake is that, sugar?”

London’s seductive purr snapped me out
of my blinding moment of deep pain.

I looked up, not thinking, surprised

that someone was even there in front of
me. London recoiled, his palm pressing
against his chest, his eyes wide saucers
of shock.

I didn’t understand at first what the

problem was, what had him so stunned,
but all too soon, I remembered. It was
my eyes.

I looked down at the counter

immediately, not even seeing the
intricate, natural pattern of wood, but
feeling the heat consume my face all too
well. You couldn’t deny your lack of
innocence when even your eye color
pointed it out as a lie. I couldn’t utter a
single word of explanation, I couldn’t

even change the topic of conversation,
and what I definitely couldn’t do was
face London with my new eyes.

“It

wasn’t

Cherry,”

he

stated

without a doubt, still figuratively
undressing me, layer after layer of my
armor falling at my feet.

“And you feel bad about it?” W ith

the question, his head leaned to the
side. I could see it just from the
movement of his body, still not facing
his scrutinizing look.

Did I feel bad about it? Yes, kind of.

I don’t really know. But God, it was the
best experience of my life.

“Not bad exactly, you liked it. I can

see it on your face despite your hiding,
sugar. But if the performance wasn’t the
problem, what was?”

I knew he wouldn’t be going away

until my shift was over or until he was
satisfied with my answer. But I had no

courage to pour my emotions and
doubts out into words. Not yet. It was
too soon.

His short nails found the edge of the

counter and his rhythmical thumping
sounded the course of his thoughts.
“W as it the person?”

I cringed, not in control of my

muscles, remembering the feel of Shen’s
big cock in me, of me undulating against
him, wanting to beg for more, but not
having the voice to express it. Heat
returned to my face, my teeth grated
against each other. The person was
perfect in every way except one—he was
a man.

“So it was the person. But why?

You broke up with Cherry, and it’s not
like you were heartbroken about it. You
think you let the girl down in some
way?” London continued analyzing me,
not needing confirmation or denial from

me. It was unnerving to say the least.

But the girl part made me shrink

into myself, wishing that I could just
conveniently disappear.

London caught it, as he had

everything else up until then. “W hat?
W hat did I say?” He looked thoughtful
for a second before he started recalling
his words out loud, all the while looking
pointedly at me. “Heartbroken? No,
that’s not it. You let her down? You did,
you feel like you’ve let her down. But
I’m missing something.…”

His

eyes

continued

stabbing

through me until I found the courage to
look straight at him. He gasped, almost
taking another step back when he saw
the pain and fear in my new blue eyes. I
radiated sorrow, there was no denying
that, but something else forced him to
recoil.

“You’re in love.…” he uttered in a

whisper. “You’re in love, badly, but you
did something wrong…. W hat was it,
honey? You can tell me. I won’t judge
you in any way. Please, let me be your
friend.” London closed the distance
between us, reaching over the counter
and taking my hands in his. He
squeezed tightly, never breaking the
connection.

“Tell me what happened, sugar. I’m

right here.”

He was sincere. I knew it like I

knew my name, but I also knew that I
would break, that nothing would be able
to stop the flood once it started.

“Come over after work. Get me

drunk?” I asked him pleadingly.

“Anything you want. I’ll meet you

at the exit in half an hour. You’re done
by then, right?”

I just nodded, making him smile at

me just before he loosened his death

grip and returned to the back rooms.

He was

already there, waiting for me

when I dragged my depressed self to the
large exit door.

“Reji, at least try looking like you’re

still among the living. Your zombie vibe
is killing my chipper,” London half-
joked as he slapped me rather hard on
my shoulder blade.

“I’ll try.” But my mumbled answer

was probably as far as my abilities went.

“Come on, we’ll drop by the liquor

store. I really need to get you drunk.”
His hand gripped my shoulder as he led
me in silence to the nearest store.

I had no preference when it came to

booze; it took very little to get me where
I wanted to go, and nothing tasted good
enough to waste my time thinking

about it. So it was London who entered
the store, spending his credit on some
old-brand beers.

I felt a bit guilty for not using my

card, but I knew he wouldn’t hear of it
and would probably just say how it’s
good for him to slow down with the
drinking. Every citizen old enough to
drink had a limit on his credit for how
much liquor he or she could buy in a
period of one month. It was impossible
to go to the store without it.

M y feet followed him again as he

exited the store, and before I could even
blink we were in front of my apartment,
the crucial moment fast approaching.

The only thing I bothered to do was

take off my shoes and jacket before I
slumped down on the sofa, continuing
my

new

favorite

sport

from

the

weekend, staring at a blank wall.

“Here you go, sugar, all opened and

ready to go, so take a sip and spill your
story. Hopefully it won’t be the other
way around.” London pushed the beer in
front of my nose, forcing me to take it,
but the gulps I took from the bottle were
all my own effort.

I didn’t say anything until the

bottle was empty, but then my tongue
untied, spilling the whole story without
any censure whatsoever.

“W hy did you do it?” London asked

calmly—the question that started it all.

“I’m twenty, with blasted green

eyes! W ell… not anymore I’m not,” I
said as I laughed bitterly.

“But what is wrong with being an

Innocent? The period is so short. You’re
always

bound

to

miss

those

inexperienced years.”

“Cherry left me because of it. You

know that. But what you don’t know is
that she didn’t leave because I refused to

fuck her. She left because I couldn’t get
it up!” Harsh words just spit out of my
mouth, all the anger mixing with them.

“How do you mean you couldn’t get

it up? You were together for a year! I
thought you did everything but the
fucking.” He was genuinely surprised,
like anyone else would be in light of that
information.

“Nope. Everything was fine until I

got naked, then my dick would just
deflate, like a popped balloon,” I stated
calmly, a hint of a drunken smile on the
edge of my lips.

“So what was the problem? M an,

that must have pissed her off royally!”
London said, taking a swig from the
bottle.

“I have no idea. And that was where

all my troubles started. I decided to try
men.” The word was barely out of my
mouth when London spat out a swallow

of his beer, coughing violently in the
process.

I started to get up to help him, but

he lifted his palm, stopping me, as he hit
his own chest with his fist.

I knew he would have questions as

soon as he recovered, so I continued
with my story until he stopped me. “So I
went to Club Red to try and see if men
did it for me.”

Those words caused more coughing

from London, who managed to utter
with his strangled voice, “Stop, please,
let me breathe for a second.”

So I stopped, my mind going back

to that night, to those soft kisses that
had blown my mind. An erection
instantly started to outline my pants,
but it was the longing gripping my chest
that

snapped

me

out

of

useless

wondering and made me look at London.

He had stopped coughing, the

normal color slowly returning to his
face. He took the chance, asking more
questions. “How was it logical to switch
from women to men just because nerves
made you lose your erection?” The
voice was sharp, forcing me to look at
the harsh lines around his eyes with
surprise.

“It wasn’t just a few occasions, it

was every fucking time I took my
clothes off. I could get it up alone, and
even with her up to the point where we
got naked. After that, not even blow jobs
could keep it up. W hat was I supposed
to think? Have you seen Cherry? She is
sex on legs, and it made no difference!”
The anger was back in my voice, I just
couldn’t help it.

“Fine, maybe I can see where you’re

coming from, but Club Red? That’s like
gay hunting ground. An Innocent can’t
go there! The bouncers should have

stopped you!”

“I didn’t know that.… But anyway, I

was wearing contacts. I couldn’t let the
whole world know that I was a virgin.”

“You’re a sly little guy, aren’t you?”

London added in a tone that suited him
much better. “So what happened in the
club?”

“Oh, God! I was so nervous that I

mostly just ran every time someone
made a pass at me, and believe me when
I tell you that they did that a lot! I even
felt a dick against my ass at one point. It
scared the shit out of me.” I trembled
with the memory.

“Oh, I believe you! You never

should have gone there. But the club is
not so bad when you’re experienced.
They usually watch who they let in
there, though.” London took another sip
of his beer.

“How do you know that, anyway? I

thought you were straight.”

He sized me up with his eyes before

he spoke. “Actually… I’m bisexual.” The
pause was significant, as was the look
he gave me, almost as if he dared me to
say something ugly to him.

“But you’ve always dated women!” I

accused him, shocked.

“Oh, I dated guys too, but not as

often as women. W ith guys, it is much
easier to go to the sweet stuff directly,
while with the ladies you have to have
that period of flirting and seducing.
W omen would always stick around for
the ride longer, hence the reason you
only saw me with them,” he answered
calmly, challenge still in his eyes but the
overall vibe getting friendlier by the
minute.

“I never would have guessed.…” I

was still digesting this information
when he threw another bomb my way.

“But honestly, I prefer both, at the

same time.” He just stopped there,
looking at me.

I took another beer off the table,

drinking half of it in one go. “How do
you mean at the same time? I was an
Innocent up until three days ago,
remember?”

“I love both women and men, but

both together is what I need in the end.
It’s a bit hard to explain. I know I will
never be satisfied just with one or the
other. I need the gentle, caring nature of
a woman, as well as her luscious curves,
the soft skin. But I also need the no-
bullshit attitude of a man, the always-
ready sex vibe, hard muscles, and a body
that will push me against the wall. It is a
dream, an impossible dream at that, but
I know in my heart that nothing less
will ever be enough to tie me down.” He
looked at me with a question in his

eyes, silently asking if I understood his
reasoning.

“I think maybe I understand. But I

have never even thought about it.…”
M y mind wandered to another strong
body, other hard muscles, and I
shuddered in sweet memory.

“So tell me about the rest of it.”

I shook my head in an effort to clear

it. “I was attacked in the bathroom, and
this Teacher came in, saving me just
before the guy was about to rape me.”
The flatness of my tone surprised me,
but London’s whoop did an even better
job of it.

“Don’t tell me your first was a

Teacher!” He slammed his palm against
his

knee,

looking

at

my

face

expectantly.

“W ell, yeah.…” I said, remembering

that fact like it was the first time I’d
heard of it. Shen surpassed being a

Teacher in my heart, he meant so much
more already.

“So what happened next? You had

sex with him right off the bat?”

“W e took a walk on the beach,

talking about sexuality and different
opinions. I was so against the gay thing,
not being able to imagine myself ever
touching a man, but I accepted his lips
without hesitation. It felt so right,
everything that night felt terribly right.
How come my mind still won’t accept it,
then?

I

don’t

understand.…”

I

whimpered, torn again.

“W hat did he tell you?” London

ignored my questions completely.

“He told me that the heart is the

one that decides. He said that he is also
not gay, but in a different way than I
think about it. He said that he falls in
love with the person, regardless of the
gender or any other labels. If his heart

says that someone is the right one, he
doesn’t have a choice but to blindly
listen. I tried that, and it worked until I
included my brain in the equation.
Then, suddenly, I was very aware of the
fact that he was a man, and that being
with a man made me gay. I can’t be gay,
London. Everything in me screams that
I can’t do it.” I felt the tears, but I was
beyond caring at that point.

He watched me with sympathy in

his eyes. “I’m not sure if I could follow
his logic either. It seems like something
you have to reach, a point in your life
where your heart aligns with your mind,
but I would think that that takes a lot of
time. Did he ask you if you understood
all of it?”

“No, he didn’t expect it at all. He

just asked me to listen to my heart
when it spoke to me. And it speaks, so
loudly it makes my ears hurt, but I

swear I am chained with my reason, and
I can’t escape it.”

“Like I said, it is something that

comes with time. Don’t judge yourself so
fiercely. I’m sure he doesn’t.” The way
London said it made it all sound so
simple.

“Anyway, I blew it. It’s all over, so it

doesn’t matter,” I spoke solemnly before
draining the rest of my drink.

“How do you mean?”

“W e fell asleep after the most

amazing night of my life. Everything
was wonderful. But when I woke up, I
went to take a shower. I saw my eyes in
the mirror, and they were not green
anymore. That was all it took. I freaked
so bad, London....”

“W hat happened then? You didn’t

just run away without saying anything
to him, did you?” he asked, shocked.

“No, he found me in the bathroom,

held me, but I still got dressed and took
off. I don’t remember what he told me, I
couldn’t hear him at all, but I know he
was speaking to me the whole time. I
feel so bad about everything.…”

“Have you gone to see him again?”

“No, I just ran away. I don’t even

know where he lives or his phone
number. But even if I did, I’m not sure I
would use it.” I said it and realized how
true it was.

“I understand. You are hurting

badly, but you can’t do anything about
it until you accept the whole package. It
is tough, man, but it will work itself out
in time. Just trust me and trust your
heart, like he said.” His words were just
facts, but still comforting in a way. I
didn’t need more sappy emotions; mine
were perfectly sappy enough. W hat I
needed was more reason, from someone

objective.

“So now I guess I just wait, even

though I have no idea what for.”

“You’ll figure it out. Have another

drink, tell me about Cherry dumping
you.” He laughed at the expression on
my face, but I told him anyway.

The

day was long gone by the time

London left. There was no miraculous
recovery, but I did feel slightly better,
which made it possible to sleep that
night.

Every day at work, he would find

his way over to me, say a few words
until I cracked a genuine smile, and
then he would leave to spread good
vibrations in the rest of the building.

I thought about everything he had

said, about the short time I had had

with Shen, but the entire heartache
never changed my mind. I could say it
made it more flexible, certainly open to
different things, but the main problem
was still firmly planted in the center of
my consciousness.

A week later, I was at my best since

that life-changing night, and I decided to
treat myself with some chocolate cake.
Fifteen minutes from my house, there’s
a little bakery, one of the old businesses
protected

by

the

city

from

modernization until there were no more
descendants interested in managing it.

I used to take Cherry there a lot, but

I figured she had moved on, and I was
having too good a day to run into her. Of
course I was wrong. I was just buying
the cake when she appeared behind me,
clicked her heels twice, and spoke in her
sultry voice.

“W ell, well, how have you been, my

lover?

Drowning

your

sorrow

in

sweets?” She emphasized the word
“lover,” trying to embarrass me.

“I’ve been good. And I’ve had a good

day, until now, so I hoped to celebrate
with a cake.” I really tried for casual, but
the bite just slipped in there somehow.

“Oh, not happy to see me? Can’t

understand why, I should be the
offended one.”

I didn’t give her an answer, but

instead thanked the lady at the counter
and paid for my cake. Hoping for a swift
escape was too much, as Cherry wasn’t
satisfied yet. She followed me outside,
grabbing my hand when I wanted to go
straight home.

“You don’t just ignore me! W ho do

you think you are, you… Innocent!” She
spat the word out as if it were the
greatest insult, and it made me realize I
never would have felt so bad about my

eyes if not for her.

I didn’t regret my status change, not

even a little bit now, but I could have
easily waited for a few more years and
been comfortable with it. Her indirect
insults forced me to doubt myself, to
despise myself, and suddenly, nothing
was all right. Not the words she spat at
me, not her royal attitude, nor her
disrespect. I turned, my hand firmly
holding the cake case as I looked into
her vicious blue eyes, eyes the same
color as mine.

The gasp, as well as her recoil, was

noticeable, as if an electric shock had
forced her to move away, to drop my
hand, but I still stared at her icily before
I spoke.

“I am a person, as important as you

are. I am someone who threw away a
year of his life to be repeatedly insulted
by you. I am an Adult who found a

person worthy of his green eyes, and I
am someone who forgot you the
moment

you

walked

out

of

my

apartment.” W ith that, I turned on my
heel and continued home, surprised by
the smile of satisfaction that played on
my face, just as I was surprised at how
much I meant everything I’d said to her.

I heard her shrieking behind me,

her heel hitting the pavement in anger,
but all of it amused me. I had my cake
and my peace of mind, as well as a
finished chapter of my life. All that was
left was an undecided future full of self-
conflicts and doubts, but somehow,
even that was all right today. I smiled
the whole walk home.

Chapter 3

The

turmoil of my thoughts never

slowed,

and

every

day—from

the

moment I opened my new eyes to the
moment I closed them—memories of
that incredible night danced persistently
in front of them. Some days I would
walk aimlessly, like a lost pup searching
for his master. Hours would pass
without my even realizing it, and I
would end up somewhere far away,
feeling even more alone.

At first, I thought only my eyes had

changed on that dreamlike night, but
deep down in my battered soul, I knew I
had changed too. I don’t know if it was
the Adult part that brought seriousness
out in me or if it was the Teacher who
spoke straight into my scarred heart,
but somehow I knew that I would never

see things the same way I had before.

I looked back at that night many

times in the month following, and the
funny thing was that I not even once
returned to the unfortunate events in
the club. All my memories were carefully
reserved for the moments after I first
saw those piercing purple eyes.

It was incredibly easy to lose myself

in them, in every convincing word he’d
spoken, in every tender kiss he had
gifted me with. I never once thought
that I had done something forbidden or
that it was a man who cared for me. For
that one night, I let my heart decide that
there is no difference between a man
and a woman and that sex doesn’t
decide who one should love.

One long month needed to pass

before I finally found the much-needed
courage to pick up the dirty clothes I
had worn that night. I had dumped them

carelessly at the bottom of my closet,
hoping to never look at them again, to
never smell him again. Still, I brought
them slowly to my face, scenting a
fleeting whiff of oranges. M aybe it was
my imagination distracting me, trying
in any way to get close to him again,
because there was no way the scent
could have stayed there still.

I

took

them

to

the

washer

reluctantly for some reason, as if those
wrinkled

clothes

were

the

only

connection I still had with him. I looked
in my pockets, finding the money I had
put there before I went out that night.
But just as a precaution, I checked the
back pocket too. It surprised me when I
found a card inside, not remembering
how it had gotten there or whose it was.

The

letters

were

printed,

the

prominent

word Shen with his long

number below it. M y heart stopped in

nervous anticipation just before I fell
flat on my ass. An opportunity to see
him again, to take back the terrible
mess I had made that night, an
opportunity to satisfy my bruised heart.

But nothing had really changed

since then, had it? “You still don’t feel
gay, and you still can’t force yourself to
admit how you feel out loud, can you,
Reji?” But I have his number now, I
thought to myself as I looked down at
the card between my fingers. It is a
chance. I have his number.

I pressed the smooth card against

my fast-inflating chest while I let a salty
tear slip down my cheek. For the first
time in a month, I felt like I had a
chance for happiness again. The feeling
made me turn the card, just to check the
back of it. The messy words call me
made my eyes bulge. The fine letters
were written in a hurry, with the E

prolonged almost to the edge of the card.
I recalled the cowardly way I had left
him, shame instantly coloring my
cheeks, and I know I hadn’t heard one
word of what he’d said, nor had I
noticed him writing anything or putting
the card in my pocket. But still, right
then, I was so happy I could cry.

I washed the clothes after I put the

card on the table, flipping it over once in
a while and reading the other side of it. I
sat there for hours, unable to call,
unable to move. I had a way to reach
him, but I was still scared out of my
mind.

I thought about him a lot since

then, and it always seemed like a missed
opportunity, something I screwed up.
Even now I wasn’t sure I could make
anything good out of the feelings that
tormented me so cruelly. But I had
always thought of it as something that

had passed.

Now, faced with a way to maybe see

him

again,

painful

doubts

started

plaguing my mind. W hat if he doesn’t
remember me; what if he’s mad at me?
W hat if he can never forgive me or what
if he’s found someone else? He was a
Teacher, and I was an Adult only thanks
to him. It was a magnificent privilege to
lose one’s innocence with a person of
such high rank, but for him it would
have been nothing but a chance to
expand his already vast knowledge.

As the lonely night finally came, I

sat there crying, unable to console
myself, feeling completely torn inside.
Just one possible phone call was making
me lose my mind. “I don’t know what to
do. W hat should I do?” I asked myself
for the hundredth desperate time that
day, still unable to find the eluding
answer.

The icy cold air that drove me under

the covers made my hairs stand up, and
I pulled the cell phone under the warm
blankets with me, turning on just that
one standby light to keep me much
appreciated company. It wasn’t as cold
outside as my body felt with these bone-
deep chills that seemed permanently
present in my being. I pressed the soft
covers closer to my body, looking for
warmth where there really wasn’t any.

It was only when I saw the envelope

on the menu bar of my cell phone that I
realized I could just send him a message,
without actually hearing his strong
voice, without ending up boneless. It
was so simple, and yet it had eluded me
the whole day.

I jumped out of bed, grabbing the

waiting card off the long desk. All
excited once more, I wrapped myself up
and considered what I should write. I

thought about him not answering and
about a hundred other things that might
happen with just that one message. But
in the end, I knew I had to try, and I
knew nothing was as bad as missing him
so much I was on the verge of pain.

The cramping grip I had on the cell

phone made my knuckles white, but
somehow with my other hand I managed
to type a short message, intending to
write it all off if he didn’t answer.

I found your card today. W ithout a

name or an explanation, I typed in his
number, pressing send as fast as I could
for fear I might change my fickle mind
otherwise.

The restless heart that inhabited my

chest was thumping like crazy, excitedly
and expectantly. It had such high hopes,
while my head predictably panicked, all
the while making my palms sweat. I held
the phone firmly against my body with

both hands. The thick covers made it
difficult to breathe, but I still forced
myself to wait under them, to wait until
I got an answer, to wait until I knew.

It startled me when the message

sound beeped, and it took me a while to
open the slippery phone, but even longer
to read what he wrote. Just three little
words glowed at my face, but those
three little words made my heart sing. I
miss you, he wrote. He missed me, like I
missed him.

It was the first time my stubborn

brain just shut up, and my soaring heart
wrote those same words back. I did miss
him, almost as much as one could miss
air to breathe, and in that moment, I
decided to always be honest with him,
even though my brain might hurt him
sometimes. I had to be honest, even if it
ruined everything between us.

The cell beeped again. I am glad

you still listen to your heart, Reji. How
could I not listen to it when all it talks
about is you, I thought.

A Teacher told me once that the

heart is the one that decides, I sent
back, remembering that conversation so
clearly, as if we had had it yesterday.

He is a smart man. You should

listen to him. I smiled warmly at that,
thinking the same thing myself.

I can’t promise anything, but I will

try. Is the Teacher still willing to
speak to me? I put my doubts, together
with my insecurities, in those few short
words, and I clung to the phone eagerly,
expecting the answer as if it would be
the last thing I ever heard.

You are the Teacher’s love. He will

always be willing to speak with you. I
wish to see those new eyes I gave you.…

M y

hand

reached

for

them

tentatively, remembering them mirrored

in his bathroom. He hadn’t seen them
that night; he gave them to me, and I
took their new color with me when I so
hastily left.

I am sorry. W arm, sparse tears ran

down my cheeks for the pain I must
have put him through.

Don’t apologize, Reji.… Just take a

walk with me, let me see you again.

The tears ran down my cheeks even

harder, and I knew not even my brain
could stop me from seeing him again. I
didn’t care what might happen later,
how I might feel or if I might be
cowardly and run again. I didn’t want
him in any pain right now, and that was
one thing I was able to change.

Tomorrow I will be at the beach.

Will you come and watch the stars
with me? I asked, trembling now,
wishing for his strong arms to hug me
tight.

Tomorrow, Reji, I will come and

watch the stars with you. A high-
pitched laugh escaped as happiness
bubbled out of me. How was it possible
to feel so much from just a few simple
messages? A few messages from a man I
have only met once.

That night I fell asleep without

nightmares filled with regret tormenting
me, and the beautiful morning that
came the next day was full of a sweet
waiting, full of excited smiles.

Fear

was

also

there

in

the

background, threatening to escape the
confines I set upon it, like a vicious
disease

wanting

to

destroy

the

happiness I felt for seeing Shen, but I
held it at bay the whole day, and when
the evening finally came, I walked
slowly toward the beach.

It was a beautiful night, the stars

especially

bright

up

high

in

the

darkness, like they were waiting for the
two of us. It didn’t seem smart to walk
around before he came, so I lay there in
the still sun-warmed sand, uncaring of it
getting in my clothes or in my hair. I let
it slip through my trembling fingers as I
gazed at the welcoming sky, all the
while listening to the waves making
music.

I heard him when he approached,

almost silently, sitting down next to me
with well-remembered confidence, but I
kept my curious eyes straight ahead,
nervously awaiting his words. “The sea
is singing to you, Reji, do you hear it?”
he asked in a half-whisper.

“M aybe it is singing to us both.” I

answered with more courage than I felt,
but I sensed the smile tugging at his lips
as he replied to my words.

“W ould you have called if you’d

found the card sooner?” Shen asked as

he lay down beside me. I was highly
aware of his tempting body next to
mine,

despite

the

space

that

so

conveniently separated us.

“That is a difficult question. I don’t

really know how to answer it, as it took
me most of yesterday to collect my
courage and send you a message. I
wasn’t brave enough to call.” The
shaming truth poured out of me like
held breath.

“I appreciate your honesty, Reji. Are

you honest with everyone or just me?”

“I don’t lie much, but complete

honesty is reserved only for you, I
think.” I turned then, looking at him for
the first time, finding his warm eyes
watching me intently. “It will be brutal
when my mind beats my heart, but I will
always tell you the truth, no matter how
much it sucks.”

I was afraid that my cutting words

would chase him away, but instead he
smiled from the heart and said. “That is
why you will one day be a great Teacher,
one who isn’t afraid of his flaws and one
who embraces his mistakes so that he
can learn from them. I hope you will let
me be there for you on that path.”

It was unexpected, for him to give

me honesty back—at least in my mind it
was. And even more, I didn’t expect him
to want me for that long. “W hy would a
Teacher fall for an Innocent?”

“You have that wrong. It is not the

Teacher who fell for an Innocent, it was
your heart that sang to mine, and all the
choices were taken away from the
Teacher.” His smile was resigned—
happy, but also sad.

“So our hearts chose each other, no

matter what our minds wanted?” I
asked.

“That is right. The hearts chose, but

they are also the ones that will suffer if
our minds don’t go willingly. I know
what you’re thinking, I know that you
are not ready, and I know it will take
time. But time is all I have, and it will be
my heart that suffers in the end. M y
mind will accept all the hurt you put
upon me.” The same warm smile was
there, almost making me cry as I
watched him. I so desperately wanted to
change who I was, to be a better person.
I never wanted to hurt him again.

“Am I worth all that trouble?” I

sounded as amazed as I was.

“I would and will do so much more

for you, Reji. But I think patience will
be the hardest part. It is not so hard
now, when we are surrounded with the
darkness of the night and separated
from the world. I am aware that it will
only take one wrong move or one doubt
to crush whatever we create.”

“M y heart wants you. It has been

screaming, like you said, since the
moment I left, but my mind is
conflicted. I don’t know what to do....” I
turned to the stars again, letting one
tear slip.

“Can I hug you, Reji? W ill you lean

on me tonight and let me hold you?” He
asked with so much love in his voice
that my heart stopped.

M y body lifted itself from the sand

while I said yes. His arms were around
me in an instant, and the warmth that
radiated from him chased away the cold
from my bones. The soft kiss he pressed
against my sensitive neck made me
relax into his comfortable body. A
breath left me, and I was enveloped in
my bubble of happiness once more.

“I missed you so much.…” The

words escaped my lips with a gasp. It
wasn’t a conscious decision to say it; it

just came out when my body relaxed, so
wonderfully, for the first time in a
month. I couldn’t help but stiffen, and
the blush on my face was hidden in the
dark that surrounded us.

“I missed you, too, love. I kept

hoping you would contact me, that I
hadn’t lost you forever.” The words held
sadness within them, but there was
none of that deep, heart-wrenching
feeling accompanying them.

“I didn’t know how to get in touch,

but I’m not sure I would have, anyway.
All of it scared me. It still does.” I sank
into his body, getting comfortable with
the conversation.

“And that is all right. There is

nothing wrong with being scared. You
never expected something like this to
happen in your life, and the kind of
connection that we have would have
been too overwhelming even if you were

prepared for it. I’m not angry at you,
love.” His arms pulled me closer as his
words traveled through me.

“W hy is everything so easy when

I’m with you? I don’t think about
anything not connected to us, and
everything makes perfect sense in my
heart.” It was the question that had
bothered me since that first night.

“Because when we are together,

there is no room for all that. W e fit
perfectly, our hearts know it, and just
because your mind can’t accept it
sometimes doesn’t make it any less
real.” Shen was reasonable, as always.

“I can’t believe even that made

sense to me.…” I mumbled quietly,
surprised at myself.

Shen chuckled behind me. “All of it

will make perfect sense in time. Don’t
even worry about it, love.”

“That’s not an easy thing to do.

You’ve had years to reach that level. I’m
way too young.”

“Yes, you are. But that doesn’t

mean you won’t get there. I never said it
won’t take a while, but you know I’ll be
there

with

you

through

it

all.”

Everything had an explanation and
everything was simple to him.

“W hat happens in the meantime?

I’m so messed up, even now. I can
promise to try my best, but mostly, that
won’t be enough.” M y voice sounded so
much like a whine that shame filled me.

“Shhh, love, just take it one hour at

a time. Don’t think so much.” A kiss
touched the nape of my neck, moist but
warm.

I stayed that way, safely in his arms,

watching the stars, listening to the sea.
His breathing was like the sweetest
lullaby next to my ear. Not even
realizing the passing of time, the

brightened sky surprised me when
morning came, the cold chasing us away
from the restless waves.

“Come, love, I’ll walk you home.”

Shen spoke as we stood up.

The sudden distance between us

was noticeable, but neither said a word.
W e just walked casually, me counting
the steps, him smiling all the way.

The walk passed in a flash, and

before I knew it, I was standing in front
of my door, watching him smile at me.
His fingers pressed against his stretched
lips, his eyes showing everything he
wanted, every emotion he carried, and I
soaked it all in just before he turned
from me and walked away. There was no
real kiss or hug, but somehow that, too,
was all right. W e were in a different, safe
place now.

It was early morning already by the

time I crawled into bed, sleep drifting

just out of my reach, mocking me. I
thought about my fears and his offers,
hoping for a quick solution that would
make everything all right. It was then
my phone beeped, the light showing me
a message. Go to sleep, Reji.

It was enough to make me smile,

and as I closed my eyes, sleep swallowed
me.

Chapter 4

A week

later, I saw him again—a

second walk, with the same anticipation
consuming my body. I watched his
every move, the way he walked with
measured steps, the way his hands were
always calm and centered. The little
crinkles that appeared next to his eyes
every time he smiled, making me long
for his lips.

That one week seemed like forever,

my tortured body already craving
everything he had to offer. So when his
elegant hand found mine, I didn’t resist.
I locked away my thoughts, letting my
heart have the reins, much like that first
night.

His fingers were warm, and with

every step his body was getting that

much closer to mine. It wasn’t long
before we were touching, then stopping.
It wasn’t long at all before I tasted his
sweet lips again and smelled those
intoxicating oranges.

Tears slid down my cheeks from the

incredible joy that filled my heart. It was
indescribable, the way I felt after all that
time… to be in that safe place once
more, to feel all those things that had
captivated me the first time around.

His arm found its way around my

shoulders and he was leading me slowly
away. I knew that we were heading
toward his apartment, I knew what
would happen, and there was not an
ounce of resistance in me.

I watched him this time as he took

off his expensive clothes. I watched the
way his athletic body bent, and the way
his mature skin called for me to lick it.
He was so beautiful to me, despite the

years he had on me; it wasn’t something
that seemed important, and it certainly
wasn’t something I really saw.

He turned on the bedside lamp

while he tenderly held my hand, as if he
was afraid I would disappear if he turned
his back. His piercing eyes looked into
my scared ones and he spoke. “I gave
you those beautiful eyes. You have no
idea how happy that makes me or how I
fall in love a little bit more every time
you look at me.” The sweet kiss that
followed was pressed against my chin,
others following down the length of my
neck.

Just hearing him say such things

made me like the eyes that had given
me such turmoil since I received them.
“Despite all the doubts I hold, I am glad
that it was you who gave them to me. I
look into yours and I know how much
more I received besides the eyes.”

He leaned so close to my ear,

whispering, “I love you, Reji.” M y
trembling heart just stopped, leaving the
cage wide open.

“You can’t love me, you barely

know me. That can’t be love,” I said,
disbelieving, pushing myself stubbornly
away in search of a little bit of distance
between us.

He let me move away, but not

before I saw the spark of hurt in his
eyes. “I love you, Reji, the way love feels
to me.”

“How does love feel for you? You

can’t love someone like me, not this
soon. It takes time to learn to love a
person. It takes time.” I tried convincing
myself desperately… more than I tried to
convince him, because I didn’t see
myself saying those heart-deep words
ever in my life, especially not to a man.

“Love feels like sunshine that is

there every time you are. It feels like
hundreds of lips on my body just when
you look at me. Love feels like I never
want to leave your side, and when we
are apart, it feels like my heart will
break from sadness. You are the most
beautiful creature to me, and I’m not a
person that learns how to love. I just
do.”

“You say such things.… How can

one man say all that to another man? It
can’t be normal,” I said, confused,
hurting because of my own refusal to
believe in his words. How could anyone
love me at all, especially that soon? It
hurt to hear him lie, and all my barriers
lifted into place between us.

“You said that you would be honest

with me, so I won’t give you anything
less than honesty myself. But you have
to accept the truth the same way I will
always accept yours.” His strong voice

was steady but reasonable, like he was
teaching to a large crowd. It didn’t feel
like a voice that you should hear after “I
love you.”

“Do something… I hate the place I

am in now. Help me, Shen,” I begged
while my body trembled by the bed.
Nothing changed in my head, despite his
words, but I needed him too much to
just run again.

His touch was as gentle as ever,

those soft fingers pulling me into his
waiting arms. He held me patiently until
the shaking stopped, bringing me into
his spacious bed moments after. I was
comforted and happy, just being with
him made my sun shine brightly even in
the most suffocating dark. I loved the
way he touched my hair with such care
and how his perfect fingers slid over my
sensitive earlobe. I pushed into every
passionate kiss he pressed gently against

my forehead.

Looking down his gorgeous body, it

was impossible not to notice the huge
erection

that

strained

desperately

toward me. It was the first time I had
seen a naked man up close. And as much
as the awaiting panic threatened to spill
from its confines, curiosity won the
raging battle. I let my hesitant fingers
explore his sensitive pink nipples. I
touched all the interesting lines that
marked his soft skin. He was different
than I in texture, and the surface wasn’t
as firm, but I appreciated all the amazing
muscles that decorated him, as well as
all the elegance his body possessed.
Finding

a

man

beautiful

was

unthinkable most of the time for me,
but that didn’t change the fact that
every single time I saw him, I thought
just that… how beautiful he was.

He lifted himself slowly from the

bed, kneeling between my spread legs. “I
want to see your young body, Reji. Let
me love you again?” he asked, with so
many questions in his purple eyes and
that little glimmer of fear that expected
a brutal rejection.

I didn’t answer. I just sat up,

determined, taking off my snug shirt,
leaning back down on my elbows when I
was done. His expert fingers found my
zipper, and he took off my pants
without looking away from my eyes
once.

It was only when my shivering body

was completely exposed that the purple
eyes wandered over every curve and that
his curious fingers followed. “I kissed
you all over the last time I had you. I
tried to memorize every freckle and
every line just so that I could treasure
your image in my mind forever. It kept
me sane all that time we were apart. I

just needed to close my eyes, and my
fingers would follow the lines of your
body like you were right there in front
of me. Let me love you, Reji.” His warm
words made me tremble in delicious
expectation, and there wasn’t a part of
me that considered refusing.

The feel of his soft lips at the

juncture of my hip made me gasp,
making my eyes close of their own
volition. His smooth palms slid from my
narrow waist over my straining chest
until he reached my arms, gently lifting
them above my head. It was so erotic,
the way I was exposed to him. His grip
wasn’t firm, but just the realization that
the position offered my whole body for
his pleasure made me moan, and I
wanted him to devour me.

W hat I got instead was a kiss, an

insatiable one that made my hips lift,
begging for more contact, a kiss that left

me without breath. His hands followed
the same tortuous path down, but I had
no inclination to lower my arms. I
imagined a tight rope holding them
above my head while Shen had complete
control over my surrendered body.

He kissed the tip of my erection,

sucking the pre-come from it into his
burning

mouth.

I

watched

in

amazement

as

his

facial

features

changed in pleasure, and I wished to
taste him too. But his skilled hands
pulled my wanton body into his lap, and
before I even realized what he had in
mind, my hips were high in the air, and
his hot mouth was engulfing my
sensitive balls. I almost came from the
exquisite sensation, but the fingers that
touched me lower distracted me. He was
so strong to be able to hold me in the air
that way, while everything he did was
for the purpose of making me feel more
amazing.

Another unexpected thing happened

when

his

wicked

tongue

slipped

between my spread cheeks, making me
feel for the first time that incredible
sensation of searing kisses on that
sensitive skin. He nibbled on my taut
muscles and bit the edges of my ass. It
was so hard to remain still, but when I
felt his tongue probe inside me, touch
all the aching nerve endings, I had no
choice but to buckle in his strong arms.
He leaned my ass on his chest, where I
could feel the soft hairs rub against me
erotically. He wrapped his arm around
my waist, supporting me, leaving just
my head and shoulder blades on the soft
bed. The words of protest never even
reached my mind, but even those sparse
thoughts

disappeared

when

he

continued his thorough exploration, and
I felt the amazing sensation of his
whole, wriggling tongue in me.

I wanted to come so bad. I needed

him in me, like I’d had him before; my
fast-beating heart was jumping from my
chest, but I couldn’t form any coherent
words to express my desires.

As always, Shen read my thoughts,

and in two moves, I found myself sitting
in his lap, my mind dizzy. M y arms were
wrapped loosely around his neck, while
his hands were oiling both our straining
erections. I was excited despite the fear,
and his searching, confident eyes only
made my desire burn stronger. Another
overwhelming moan ripped from my
throat. W hen I felt two slick fingers deep
inside me, I wanted to just die from
exquisite

pleasure,

but

Shen

had

different ideas. He lifted my hips above
his lap and, for the second time in my
life, I felt that rock-hard length at my
pulsing entrance.

He held me all the way, sliding me

carefully onto his cock, his soft lips
wrapped around mine in one of those
rough, searing kisses. I moaned and
trembled until silence enveloped the
room, until he was sheathed completely
inside me. It was as exquisite as before,
with me being the one who started to
move this time. Little by little, I became
frantic, wanting him harder and faster,
aiming for that moment when I would
feel his seed spill inside me, with my
gripping muscles holding him firmly
there. It was one of my favorite
memories of that first experience, that
moment when we were one and
inseparable.

As his kisses became rougher, his

moves harder, I felt his slick palm wrap
around me and squeeze the mind-
blowing orgasm from my tired body. The
scream

was

mutual,

our

breaths

mingling as we stared into each other’s
revealing eyes. It was a moment in time

when everything was aligned just right—
there were no barriers between us, no
doubts. W e were beautifully united,
together.

Cruel emptiness consumed me as

soon as he slipped out of my body, but
his touches and hugs helped me through
it. I blushed when he wiped my seed
from his belly, licking his coated fingers.
I could taste myself in the kiss that
followed, his tongue exploring my
mouth, spreading the bittersweet taste,
managing to somehow make my cock
twitch again.

The gentle touches he gave me kept

me grounded as he led me to the shower.
The looks that escaped his warm eyes
made me feel cared for. They chased
away any shame or fear. He bathed me
like a small child, with foam covering
my whole body. He rubbed my skin,
relaxing my muscles, and I yearned for a

night of peaceful sleep with him beside
me. It was so new and unusual, so
overwhelming. I enjoyed every moment
he gave me.

I didn’t panic that night; even when

I woke up in his arms in the morning, it
was only a smile that danced on my
face. I kissed his sleeping face as if I’d
done it millions of times before, and
every cell in me was happy.

He smiled in his sleep, pulling me

closer, making me feel his erection on
my belly, and I slipped my hand down to
grasp it between my fingers. It was as
firm as when it had entered me last
night, and I held it the way I held myself
when I was alone. I kissed his neck,
speeding up my movements as he gazed
at me through half-lidded eyes. I never
imagined that a man could look so
erotic in the hands of passion, or that it
could be so impossible to resist the

temptation of kissing him.

Just that small effort was enough

for him to come loudly into my hand,
just the taste of my mouth and he was
convulsing in my arms, groaning on my
lips. I kissed him slowly until he came
down from that magic cloud, until my
curiosity peaked again when I saw my
wet fingers. I lifted them to my mouth,
licking them tentatively, one by one.
The bittersweet taste made my erection
even harder, until I pushed them all
inside my mouth.

The moan that escaped him startled

me, forcing me to gaze at his face, where
I caught him looking at my mouth
hungrily. He took my fingers gently
from my mouth and licked them
himself, pushing his tongue around the
knuckles and nipping wickedly on the
tips.

“You are so sensual, like a cat that

craves attention and can’t help its
curiosity. I could spend hours watching
you in bed. I want you every moment of
every day, but your body has to recover
a bit. Let me satisfy you for now,” he
said as he turned me on my back,
wrapping

his

fingers

around

my

erection. It was incredible, the way he
massaged me, touching just the right
places but never enough for me to come.
He sucked at the tip for so long that I
started to thrash on the bed, too
sensitized for any other conscious
reaction. That was when his lips
swallowed me whole and I felt my tip hit
the back of his throat. It was enough for
me to come in his mouth, where he
drank all of me.

The sweet recovery took the whole

morning. Both my body and my
emotions were exhausted. I was served
an amazing breakfast in bed by a very
naked and very horny man, but he never

asked for more from me than to touch
me and kiss me every once in a while.
That was something I gladly gave.

Chapter 5

I unlocked

the door to my home, a

smile still plastered on my face. I took
off my shoes and started undressing
slowly, remembering the touches that
still made me shiver. Shen was amazing
in so many ways.

M y steps took me to the closet,

where I found some casual clothes for
the day. As I closed the door, the image
in a large mirror there stared at me. A
man, smiling—a man truly happy—
looked back from the reflection, his face
showing all the amazing things he had
experienced last night. It wasn’t a sight I
had ever seen before. Could others see it
too?

“W ill London know that Shen

fucked me again as soon as he sees

me?” M y body shook in terror; everyone
would know I had been with a man.
Everyone will just look at me and know.

I stumbled to the edge of the bed,

my ass plopping down like it had
weights attached to it. I had spent an
amazing night and morning with a man
who cared for me, but all I could think
about now was the fact that he was a
man.

It was shameful to be so limited of

mind, to not be able to cross such a
small barrier that separated me from
complete happiness. I felt young and
inexperienced, doubting my feelings and
entering an unknown world. He was also
so much older than I, and I couldn’t
grasp the reasons why he saw me the
way he did. There was nothing special
about me in any area, while he was an
amazing man in every way.

M y phone danced next to me all of a

sudden, snapping me out of my turmoil
of thoughts. It’s a beautiful day, Reji,
smile, and think of me. Shen chose the
perfect moment, much like he always
did—comforting me, but also giving me
the encouragement and strength I so
desperately needed.

So I did what he told me. Listening

gladly, I smiled and thought about the
time I had spent with him, about the
laughter he so easily called out of me in
any given moment. It somehow chased
away all the dark clouds from my
worrying head.

A few days later, Shen came to my

door, smiling as always.

“Are you ready to go, love?”

“Yeah, just let me lock the door,” I

said as I turned, securing the door

behind me.

The sun was still in the sky, but

low, fighting the night, and it was so
different to see Shen when there was
enough light to see his skin glow. It was
shocking, how beautiful he was. Even
with

dark

glasses

covering

his

expressive eyes, I could feel the aura
spreading from him, touching my
diminished one.

It felt so much like a stranger

walking next to me, where I recognized
his steps, the way he moved, but not the
man himself.

“I am so glad you agreed to a walk

with me. It’s rather hard not being able
to see you more often.” He said it
without judgment, aware of my work as
well as my reluctance.

“M e too. You look so different in

the daylight.” M y thoughts slipped out
so naturally.

“Different how?” He cocked his

head, looking at me above the frames of
his glasses.

“W ell, first… younger. You look

much younger. Then beautiful. Not that
you’re not beautiful at night. God, you
are gorgeous.” I tried to reassure him
with my blabbering. “It’s just that in the
light, you glow. I have never seen such a
beautiful man.”

The blush on my face must have

been striking. Shen just smiled at me,
never commenting on it, but I noticed a
secret behind that smile, something he
wanted to say but held back.

“Thank you, love. You are gorgeous

yourself, if I might say that without
offending you.”

I blushed some more. “W hy would I

be offended?” It never even crossed my
mind that we were two men in public,
complimenting each other. That fact

would come later.

In that moment, it all seemed

natural, like breathing. Everything was
natural with him; how could that
possibly not be all right?

I stopped at a window display as I

asked the question, looking at some
amazing holographic pictures. Shen
came up behind me and hugged me. It
was just for a few seconds, his strong
arms pressing my body against his, all
his warmth engulfing me.

“You offend easily, and aren’t

always comfortable with me being a
man.” He said it casually, pressing a
gentle kiss against my throat.

All those things I didn’t think

about, that I wasn’t aware of, came back
with a vengeance, making me push
Shen away, forcibly separating our
melded bodies and making me repeat
that ridiculous sentence.

“I’m not that way!” It was as if I

realized in that one moment that a man
was hugging me in public and that it
was wrong.

Anger was shining from my eyes,

showing something I knew I didn’t
really feel, while his reflected only pain.
Turning my stiff back to him, I ran
home, ending our short walk on the
spot, cursing my foolishness all the way
to my building. All of the reaction was
rational, more in my head than in
reality, but still, I couldn’t help but feel
like a fool.

I was angry for the rest of the day,

the emotions simmering just beneath
the surface. But the anger wasn’t all
directed at him. I was angry at myself. I
made that one hug end our outing.
Something that was always precious to
me made me act like an ass in public.

Again, it was his patience that held

us together, the way he gave me time in
every possible situation. W hen my
shame and intolerance kept me awake
hours

later,

his

message

made

everything all right again.

I love you. Just three words that I

still didn’t quite believe in, but it was
enough to erase all the bad feelings. It
was enough to make us whole again.

You should leave me. I only make

you hurt. It was hard not to admit the
truth, that the pain I had seen in his
expressive eyes was still vivid in my
mind.

Oh, but the hurt is just a small

part of all the happiness I receive. I
will never leave you. He had such a way
with words.

You make me happy too, Shen. I

need your hug. I sent that desperate,
schoolgirl message.

I will be there in half an hour. M y

heart fluttered in relief as I hugged the
phone close to my chest.

Half an hour later, I was in his

strong arms, safe and secure, his steady
breathing calming me, his large frame
arousing me… everything about him
was bittersweet.

When

I woke the next morning with

his magnificent length entering my tight
passage, that feeling of utter satisfaction
consumed me again. He was behind me,
his skilled fingers tweaking my nipples,
and all I could do was moan. He took me
slowly and torturously, his every move
calculated and his every touch precise. I
shuddered in his arms, desperate for the
sweet release, but his movements stayed
focused and controlled.

“Please let me come, Shen.…

Please… I need it… I can’t.…” I begged
him. I needed him to move faster,
harder. I needed him to touch me, but
he just said, “Shh, love, take me slowly.
Let me make love to you.” And he
continued his tormenting but still-sweet
taking.

His deep massaging of my body

sensitized it even more, making me
whimper every time I felt his hot
fingertips on my desperate skin.

“Shh, love, I am right here. I’m

loving you to the verge of my control.
Just relax and take me. Feel my every
move, my every touch. Feel how hard I
am for you.” And I felt it. I felt
everything, needing to come so badly I
wanted to cry.

His palm slid to my taut belly, just

above my straining erection, where it
held me lightly, so close but still so very
far. I screamed in utter frustration when

I realized that he wasn’t planning on
going any lower. It was countless
minutes later when I lost my breath as
he sucked my exposed neck hard,
pushed into me forcefully all the way,
and passed his finger slowly over my
engorged length.

“Come for me, Reji,” he whispered.

Just those short, little words made me
buck with a piercing scream that rang
throughout the room. The rushing seed
left me in one burst after another as his
searing hot essence filled me in the
same repeating pattern.

“I love you, Reji,” he said next to

my ear, as tender kisses covered my
neck and face.

“Don’t

ever

leave

me.…”

I

whispered back, out of both breath and
strength but still completely desperate
for him.

I was

walking my usual route home

one

day,

Shen

the

only

person

occupying my mind. The doubts and
insecurities bothered me less and less
with every day he held me close, so I
just enjoyed the bliss that shone from
my body.

As I passed a row of cafés,

completely unaware of the rest of the
world and happy in my own little
bubble, out of the corner of my eye I saw
his slim form, laughing, with a glass of
wine in his elegant hand. M y happiness
at its peak, I stood there for a few
moments, collecting my courage to go to
him, to kiss his smooth cheek in
public… that is until I saw a hand land
on his and long fingers entwine with the
ones I knew intimately.

It was like an instant blackout that

erased everything from my head, leaving

me with just those images before me,
assaulting me cruelly. A hand that now
left the one on the table found its way to
the smooth cheek that I so foolishly
wanted to kiss. Long fingers trailed
seductively to his betraying neck, and
Shen never once lost his happy smile.

I couldn’t see the person who had

taken my life so carelessly right from
under my feet, but the expression the
man who had said he loved me
repeatedly wore on his face was more
than enough to have me running
aimlessly through empty streets and
parks. Hot tears trailed down my face,
sobs escaping my desperate heart as I
ran and ran. Anger made me glad that I’d
never told him I loved him, that I’d
never given all of myself into his hands.

Somewhere during my useless run,

my heart lost its desperate screams. It
was

broken

and

disappointed,

disbelieving its wrong choice of love. I
found my way home in that state,
collapsing from exhaustion right next to
the front door, and I stayed there for
hours with my mind blissfully blank.

“You are all right, Reji. This is just

one love that went out the window, but
you are strong enough to move on. Sure,
it hurts, but in time it will pass. Just
remember you are an Adult now, and
you got your eyes in the most amazing
way.” That was when I started to bawl
like a little child. It was the middle of
the night already, so many things
having changed since morning, but one
thing I did know for certain, no matter
the time of day: my heart was already
his for the taking. Despite the loving
words never leaving my mouth, my
heart was already his.

Eventually, I managed to collect

myself off the floor, heading straight for

the shower. Exhaustion lulled me to
sleep in a beat after I finally crawled into
my bed, and there I slept till the middle
of the morning.

I opened my eyes, blinking the light

away, when the events from the
previous day came crashing mercilessly
down on me. I fought with my
overwhelming desire to mope and
mourn and got out of bed, frowning but
with dry eyes. It was a new day after all,
and the best thing I could do is forget
that I had ever met Shen. W hat showed
me that life never goes according to plan
was the fact that I had three messages
on my cell.

The first one was, I miss you. The

second one was, Did something happen,
Reji? And the third one was, If you
don’t answer, I’m coming over. That
was received half an hour ago. He was
probably near my place by now. M y

mind went into overload, instantly. I
couldn’t see him right now, no way!

M aybe I could make him go back, I

thought to myself, grasping at straws. I
typed

fast I don’t want to see you

anymore.

Please

leave

me

alone.

Unfortunately, I heard the cell phone
beep on the other side of my door. He
was already here.

I checked myself in the mirror, the

reflection showing without mercy my
puffy eyes and red cheeks—one of which
still had pillow lines marking it—and my
hair going in all directions despite my
persistent attempts to force it down.
That was when I heard the bell ring, and
I knew I was out of precious time. I
could ignore him like a coward, I
supposed, pretend that I wasn’t home,
but that seemed just a little too childish
for someone of my age.

So I walked to the door with a

bravery I simply didn’t possess and
opened it. Shen was as polished as ever,
his hair gorgeously in place, a suit that
fit him perfectly, and a concerned look
on his face. Usually I would berate
myself for whatever thing I had done to
put that look there, but today I was just
too angry and hurt, and he was the last
person I wanted to hear from or see.

He made a move toward me, as if he

wanted to touch my face with his
fingers, but I flinched away noticeably,
making his hand drop down again. His
feet never crossed the threshold, and his
face looked completely resigned. Taking
a deep breath he asked,

“W hat did I do? Can you at least tell

me that?”

M y whole being fought the urge to

spit everything in his face, but instead I
simply asked, “W hy do you think you
did anything?”

“Don’t mock me, Reji. I can read all

the expressions on your face, and right
now, besides the anger, the most
distinctive one is hurt. You are in so
much pain you can barely stand. So tell
me what I did.” His voice was strict and
determined, but somehow he still
managed to have that ever-present dose
of affection.

I kept telling myself, in my head,

how everything I could hear in his
words, spoken and unspoken, was just
lies he had fed me with from the
beginning. But the emotions I could feel
coming to the surface were unstoppable,
the tears got away from me. I turned
around before they fell—as if that would
have ever fooled him—and I left the door
open behind me for him to enter. A
conversation

was

obviously

unavoidable, so I walked myself to my
sofa,

dropping

down

without

the

strength left to fight it.

“I saw you yesterday at a café. You

were sitting with someone who touched
your face and hand.” I looked at him
questioningly, as the words that came
out of my mouth sounded like a poor
excuse for leaving someone.

He took another deep breath, and

understanding colored his face. “I never
lied to you about anything, but I kept
silent

about

some

things

that

I

considered you weren’t ready to hear.”

He had my full attention with that,

and I was sure that he was right in
hiding whatever it was. I was barely
ready for him in my life. There was
nothing to say that could fill the silence
because the moment of truth had
arrived, and he now had to say whatever
he hadn’t said before.

“It is true that I knew I would love

you from the moment I saw you, and it

is true that I love you now. W hat I
didn’t tell you before is that I have
someone in my life already.”

I sucked in my breath at that as he

watched

my

reaction

closely

and

continued his story.

“His name is M aro, and we’ve been

together for fifteen years. I love him
from the bottom of my heart and always
will. Now, I never planned to keep him a
secret from you, because I want both of
you together, forever. But you just
weren’t ready. You couldn’t decide if
you could handle just me, and imagine
what would have happened if I told you
that I come in a package. I would have
lost you. Please understand what I am
saying. I never once lied about my
feelings toward you.” I could hear the
desperation creeping into his voice.

As for me, I was at a loss for words.

They’d been together almost as long as

I’d been alive, and they were sharing all
those things Shen and I shared in the
last couple of months. How could he
cheat on someone like that?

“How could you do all the things

you did with me behind his back if he’s
the love of your life?” I asked, contempt
painting my words.

“It wasn’t behind his back.” He

took another deep breath. “He knew
about you since the first night, and
wished to meet you. But I told him that
you weren’t ready. And, just to tell you
something else—that phrase you used,
the love of my life, it usually implies
that a person can love just one other
person so much during the course of
their life. I personally think of that as
bullshit. You can love as many people as
your heart decides, and even if that
person eventually dies, the love that
binds you together will always stay

there. I love M aro as much as humanly
possible, and that will never change, but
my heart doesn’t have a limit on the
amount of love it can handle. I will love
you and remember you always, even if
you decide that you can’t possibly
accept everything I have told you.”

The word “bullshit” stung my ears a

bit, which was a weird thing to notice at
a time like this. But I suppose it was
easier to think about a man who never
swears swearing, than to think about
falling in love with a man who loves
another man and expects you to accept
them both. “I don’t know what to tell
you,” I said simply.

“Yes, I know. I will leave you now

because you need to think about this,
alone. But if you want to ask anything,
or if you decide you do want to see me
again, remember, I’m just a message
away.” He stood, but stopped in place. I

knew he wanted to kiss me, but instead
he just waved awkwardly, leaving the
apartment in just a couple of fast
strides.

I was left alone once more with my

heart and brain in conflict. I doubted
some of the words Shen told me and
trusted others, but the decision wasn’t
something I could just make. Thoughts
about M aro wandered around my head:
what kind of a person is he, what does
he think of me sleeping with his man…
hell, what does he think about me
hurting his man constantly? I wondered
if it was really possible to love and
depend on two people at the same time.
Is the human heart big enough for that?
And in the end, I wondered where I
stood in all of it. W ould I be able to open
myself up not just for one person, but
for two, and to care for them both from
the bottom of my heart?

The truth was that my acceptance

level had moved much higher, and some
of the things I wouldn’t have even
thought about before, now were more
than acceptable. People changed during
the course of their lives, and my change
was sped up from the moment those
purple eyes took notice of me. In the
end, I couldn’t decide anything by
staying in my room alone, not knowing
all the things I needed to know, so I
decided that I required company.

Can you come over in an hour? I

can’t do this alone.… I wrote Shen
despite the fact that he had left only an
hour ago.

I will be there. I love you, Reji. he

wrote back.

After a shower, I changed my sheets

and waited for him, just in my shorts. I
didn’t know what my final decision
might be, but I wanted to have at least

one more memorable experience with
him. I opened the door when the
doorbell rang, and I saw the way his
breath caught the moment he saw me. It
was flattering, and it made me warm all
over.

“Come on in,” I told him.

“M ay I ask why you are half-naked

for a conversation?” he asked.

“W ell, when we come to the

conversation part, I will be more than
happy to get dressed if it makes you
more comfortable that way. But for now,
I would like you to make love to me,
even if it’s for the last time. I want you
to hold me,” I said as I neared him,
connecting our lips in a passionate kiss.

His

welcoming

hands

readily

greeted me as I led him to the bedroom.
W e undressed each other in silence, just
a slow exploration that made our
erections painful. He was the one who

lay on the bed first this time, pulling me
on top of him. I followed his lead, giving
him all the kisses he used to give me. I
licked his burning skin wherever I could
reach, enjoying the taste immensely,
and every playful nip my lips made
drove a groan from Shen’s mouth. He
looked amazing, spread in front of me,
his skin flushed and his breathing
labored. I was the one causing all those
reactions in him, and that realization
made me tingle inside.

I rested my palm against his

stretched-out

throat

and

felt

him

swallow with my every arousing touch. I
wondered what it would be like to have
him the way he had had me, to enter
him slowly, to feel his warm heat. I slid
down his body, licking his length, which
twitched under my tongue, and not
being able to restrain myself one minute
longer, I slid my tongue into his leaking
slit and tasted all that inviting liquid. It

was one of the things I had never tried,
holding a man that way in my mouth,
and I wanted to do it. I wanted him to
feel the way I felt every time he drove
me crazy with his licking, his sucking.
But Shen had other wicked ideas.

He pulled me up, kissing my lips

passionately once more just before he
whispered, “W atch.”

His fingers were wet with lubricant,

and his legs were spread wide around
me. He threw his head backward,
pushing one of his slick fingers inside
himself. M y breath hitched, and I dared
to join him, joining one of my own next
to it. It was so tight, so warm—I could
feel his pulse against my finger and his
muscles contracting around it.

His other hand was completely

undetected until I felt it wrap around
me, sliding up and down, applying
lubricant on my more-than-willing cock.

It was a shock at first, when I realized
what he intended, but excitement soon
followed. He pulled me onto him again,
lifting his thighs up high. His practiced
hand guided me to the tight ring, and
when I penetrated him, everything else
disappeared. It was so warm and tight,
and with my every move, he gripped me
harder. I was close from the beginning,
with his strong legs wrapped around me,
pulling me all the way inside. I almost
lost it.

He

was

groaning,

whispering

incoherent words; his legs kept pushing
me inside and his fingers tweaked my
nipples. It wasn’t long before I lost my
composure, started pushing harder,
faster, and in moments, spilled into his
warmth. I didn’t see him touching
himself, but I more than felt the
contraction of his muscles around my
still-sensitive member as he came too. It
was deliciously painful, and the only

thing that was left for me afterwards was
to collapse on top of him and enjoy the
momentary bliss.

Chapter 6

It was

a while later, while he stroked

my hair and I was resting my head on
his shoulder, that he asked, “You needed
help deciding. Tell me what you want to
know.”

“Just talk to me about the two of

you, about me and the two of you. I
need to hear what you have to say,” I
responded, not even needing to think
about it.

“W ell, M aro is fifty years older than

me, but looks maybe five younger. He is
also a Teacher, and he reached his New
Life at a younger age. I won’t describe
him because I hope you will meet him,
even if it is just for friendship of some
kind. W e met at a Union of the high. It
is a meeting where Teachers from all

over the galaxy gather and discuss
changes and ideas. It was the same as
with you. Our eyes connected and I
knew that he was the one for me. W e
chose Earth as our home, even though
many leave once they reach New Life. It
seemed like the right thing, but since I
met you, I thought of you as the reason
why we stayed. W e weren’t finished
with this planet.” He took a breath,
ready to continue, and I decided to ask
another question.

“Doesn’t he mind that you met me

and he is excluded?”

“He probably would if he didn’t

know me as well as he does. You are the
missing link for both of us, despite the
fact that he hasn’t met you yet. He
trusts my choices and believes that, if
you are right for me, which you are, you
will be right for him. Faiths wouldn’t
give me a new relationship, condemning

the one I already have. So now he is just
waiting for you to be ready and to meet
him too.”

“W hat would it be like to have both

of you as lovers? That is so much scarier
than having just you.” I wondered,
confused and not a little afraid.

“I don’t know, you will have to

experience it for yourself and then
decide.” He laughed so beautifully. “But
I can tell you right now that things
aren’t usually like this. W e both travel
most of the year, together, lectures and
presentations taking us all around the
galaxy. Teachers are rare and we are very
much wanted. M aro was away most of
this month, holding lectures that didn’t
need both of us there. He left again
yesterday, right after you saw us, and I
stayed behind so that I could be with
you until you got used to me. He is
coming back in a couple of days, and I

think that would be a good opportunity
for the two of you to meet. If the three
of us were to be together, you would go
with us to other planets and you would
probably help during lectures. Being
with two Teachers, you would have to
go

through

all

the

training

and

experiences to become one yourself. But
that is a long-term goal that could last
for years. It is not something you should
worry about now. I just wanted to point
out that we are away a lot of the time,
and we would like to take you with us.”

“So you’ve been everywhere?” I

asked, curious about things completely
unfamiliar to me. I never even left the
town, let alone the whole planet.

“Oh, yes, but there is so much more

I want to see. It will be amazing to
experience the same places with your
innocent eyes. I think M aro is looking
forward to it too. But you must realize

that traveling with us will entail your
participation in our work. The fact that
you are an Adult won’t matter, but being
with the two of us burdens you with
responsibilities.

W e

couldn’t

show

ourselves in public without our third. Of
course, nothing comes overnight, and
this is not an exception. W ould you like
to go with us and see the worlds?” He
leaned on his elbow, looking into my
eyes expectantly.

“I don’t know. I would like to see

everything with you, even though I am
still mostly shy and inexperienced. I
must admit that the two of you sound
like an everlasting adventure. But I’m
scared. How will people look at us? How
can they comprehend the feelings
between

us

when

even

I

don’t

understand them yet?” I was on the
verge of crying, but his fingers were
suddenly there, caressing my face in
comfort.

“Experience comes with age, and

you will have the best Teachers.” He
laughed again. “The way people think in
this place is far away from how things
are elsewhere. The two of us are admired
and appreciated for our expertise, and
the circles we move in cling to our every
word. Since I achieved New Life, I
haven’t heard one word of hate or
contempt directed at me, and the same
will apply to you. People don’t insult the
ones they depend upon, and insulting
my third would be like insulting M aro or
me. That is the other thing. If something
like that should ever happen on any
planet or in any place, you must tell us,
because neither of us want to do
business in a place where we are not
welcomed.”

“W ow,

you

two

really

are

something, aren’t you? You’ve totally
sold me on the idea of meeting M aro and

seeing the two of you together. I’m
excited now,” I said with an honest
smile.

“Oh, the real pleasure will be seeing

the three of us together. Just wait until
you hear the cheers up on one of the
stages. Nothing compares to it.” He
smiled at me too.

“So what do you do at the

lectures?”

“It depends on what is asked of us.

Lectures and presentations are the most
public part of the job, but the
presentations have limited seating. I
don’t know if you’ve ever seen a
Teacher’s presentation?” he asked.

“No, I never had the credit. Besides,

Innocents

are

not

allowed

in

presentation halls.”

“Yes, I forgot about that, I’m sorry.

W ell, the sexual level the Teachers have
is much higher than Adults can achieve,

so the demand for live presentations is
high. It can be arranged that we don’t
see the public during the act, but the
two of us appreciate the contact and
questions they might have. So we start
every

session

with

a

public

conversation, but we demand silence
during the act.” He laughed once more.
“Oh, and they stay quiet. Believe me,
M aro is very loud, but no one who pays
for the seeing wants to miss one moan
or the moment we climax. I remember
the first time I saw a Teacher’s
presentation.

I

was

sensitized

for

months, and I knew I wanted to make
other people feel that way some day, to
give them that level of comfort, and to
teach them how to experience their life
to the fullest.”

“Both of you want me with you that

much?” I asked, unsure again, but open
for all they had to give.

“Yes, love, we want you bad.” He

kissed my forehead, his fingers touching
my body with open playfulness.

“Don’t part with me then. Let’s stay

together until M aro comes back. Can we
do that?”

“Yes, of course, but would it be

possible for you to come to our
apartment? I talk to him every day
when he is away, and this place just has
too small of a video screen. You could
maybe talk to him that way too.” He
showed me his cell phone while asking
the question.

“Yes, I can go there. Do you want to

leave now?” I asked.

“No, I want to hug you for a while

yet. W e will leave in a couple of hours
and call M aro when we get there. I want
to see if he arrived safe.” A worried look
passed over his face.

“W hy wouldn’t he arrive safe?” I

asked, baffled.

“W e are both old school. In our

time, a lot of jets crashed or got lost in
space. A few of my friends disappeared
that way, and I can’t help but worry
when I’m not with him. He is the same
if we travel apart. That is why we avoid
it as much as possible, and we will
probably be the same with you too. I
have to prepare you right now.”

He smiled at me and I smiled back.

It was such a great conversation, it
made me wonder if it would always be
like this.

Those

two hours passed in a flash and

we finally got up when he decided that
I’d had enough of lying down and carried
me toward the shower. I felt like I was
flying, so I laughed all the way there.

“I will have to tell M aro that you

like this. He will have a blast!” he
teased.

“Not fair, you snitch! He has to

discover things for himself! You want
me to ask him about your weaknesses?”
I played the offended party.

“Yeah, I suppose you are right.…

But I’m still going to tell!” he said,
laughing as he dumped me under the
shower and hit the cold water.

I screamed, jumping out of the stall

like a cat, just to find him on the floor
laughing like a madman, completely
unable to form words.

“That was just mean! I can’t believe

you did something like that to me! I
thought you loved me!” I pouted, still
feeling the places where the cold had
touched.

It took a while until he was able to

speak. “I’m sorry,” he tried, but it was
more than unconvincing, and he must
have seen it in my eyes because he tried
again.

“W ell, I am sorry, because I know

exactly how that felt. M aro did it to me
so many years ago, and I didn’t speak to
him for hours after. I couldn’t take a
joke very well. But I finally know just
how it was for him, seeing me screaming
and jumping. You were priceless, love,
and I’m sorry, but I have to laugh. I
waited for years to be able to do the
same trick.” His words were apologetic,
but the smile barely wavered, forcing me
to join in.

“You two are wicked! I hope you

won’t do stuff like this to me often. I
might just die young.” That brought
another explosion of laughter from his
lips, and it was a while later when we
finally managed to take that warm

shower.

That

night was the first time I was able

to see a little bit of their apartment, and
not just the bedroom in the dark. It was
expensive and spacious, with everything
in its appropriate place. I watched him
as he moved around, making us some
tea, while nervously expecting M aro’s
call.

“W hy don’t you have any pictures

of you two around?” I asked.

“W e do, but most of them are

holographic and explicit. It is all right
when we are alone here, but I usually
turn them off when I leave. I can turn
them on if you’d like, but I would prefer
for you to see M aro on the video screen
first,” he explained.

“Yeah, it’s all right. I just found it a

bit strange and thought I’d ask.”

I was looking at a model of planets

that occupied one wall of the apartment.
It was fascinating to think the two of
them had visited most of them. Then
the video screen tone signaled an
incoming call. Shen planted himself by
the wall in an instant, and I heard a
distinctive voice on the other side.

“Hello, love, how was your day? Did

you reach Reji?” The first thing M aro
asked was about me. I felt that question
somewhere inside, signaling me how I
was already a part of their lives.

“He saw us yesterday and didn’t

know what to think,” Shen answered.

“Oh no. Did you manage to explain?

I hope he listened to you.…” M aro
trailed off.

“Yes, I managed to explain. He’s

here right now. W e are basically waiting
for you to come back. He wants to meet

you,” Shen added with a smile.

“Really? He said that? I’m catching

the first flight out of here!” M aro
rushed.

“Hey, hey, wait a minute, love. W e

won’t run away if you don’t come right
back. Just do the lecture and leave right
after. W e will be waiting.”

“But I want to meet him finally, and

you are there too,” M aro complained.

“M aro,

behave!

He

can

hear

everything you say, you know. M ake a
good first impression.” Silence came
from the other end, and I wondered
what expression M aro had on his face.
Both of them made me laugh, and Shen
turned to me to acknowledge my smile.

“He’s actually listened to all I said?”

M aro asked in a tiny voice.

“Yes, he heard everything. He’s

right behind me, next to the planets,”

Shen explained.

“Oh, Faiths! You could have told me

before I made an ass out of myself!” It
was the first criticism I’d heard in
M aro’s voice, and I was dying to see the
face that accompanied it.

“Do you want to speak to him?”

Shen asked.

“He wants to speak with me?” The

disbelief in his voice made me curse
myself inside. This wonderful man was
so sensitive about my feelings that he’d
endured being kept a secret and worried
about me from a distance, while I repaid
him by almost ending the whole
relationship.

Shen turned toward me, looking at

me invitingly, so I walked to his side,
and he pulled me into his lap. I found
myself face to screen with a blond sex
god and was at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry I… I can’t believe.… Oh

God, can I start over?” I stuttered and
asked while both of them laughed at me.

M aro had a narrow face with

delicate features. His hair fell into his
eyes and was a childlike blond. Under
the bangs, huge purple eyes stared at
me, and when he smiled, that little bit of
composure I’d recovered was gone out
the window.

“Could the two of you talk a while

until I find my brain again? You are
beautiful!” I said frankly, completely
unashamed of those words because they
were true.

“I keep telling him he’s a sin, but he

doesn’t believe me. I guess we will both
have to try when he comes back,” Shen
added.

“Thank you, Reji. I wanted to see

you before, but Shen didn’t have a
picture anywhere, and it wasn’t really
possible to meet. You are such a

contrast to the two of us. I can’t wait to
see your beauty in person,” M aro said.

I blushed at the compliment, not

expecting it in the least, and of course
they had to comment on that.

“Oh, he blushes so exquisitely. You

just made me hard, baby.” And that
bashful pink on my face switched to red
after hearing his words.

“He is the wicked one, Reji. You

will soon learn not to blush. But it will
be a shame. I love it when you blush
too.” Shen added.

“Yeah, I know he’s the wicked one.

I experienced the cold shower already,” I
said jokingly and winked at M aro.

“Shen, you didn’t?” he gasped in

question.

“Oh, yes, I did! Just before we left

his apartment. I have been dying for
years to see the funny side of that

situation, and unlike me, he laughed
after pouting a bit and is still talking to
me, as you can see.”

“Oh, you really are a treat. W e’re

gonna have so much fun! Shen is very
open-minded, but he doesn’t have the
patience for my mischief sometimes. He
says I never grew up, even though I’m
older than him.” M aro talked like we
were soon to become best friends, and
the weird part of it was that I felt very
much the same.

“I look forward to seeing you in

person,” I said, meaning it and already
thinking about undressing him. It was a
strange urge for a man who considered
himself to be “not that way” just the
day before, but I didn’t care much.

“I think he’s picturing you without

clothes on, M aro. I can feel his erection
and the heat, and I’m not doing
anything!”

Shen

betrayed

me

shamelessly, causing my cheeks to blush
again.

“Seriously, I turn you on, Reji?” he

asked, surprised.

“W ell, yeah.… Shen talked about

you the whole afternoon, and now I’ve
seen you and talked to you… I want to
get to know you better. I mean, I’m kind
of in love with Shen, but somehow I also
have this attachment to you without
even knowing you.” I spoke without
realizing what I said, and retraced my
words when I noticed the silence in the
room.

“You love me?” Shen asked first,

with the same disbelief M aro had shown
a minute ago.

“Hm… that wasn’t supposed to

come out that way.… But yes, I do.…” I
bowed my head in embarrassment.

He lifted my chin with his fingers

and laid a soft kiss on my lips. “I love

you, too, love.”

“Aww, that was amazing. I wish I

could be there right now!” M aro pouted
on the screen, and I sent him a kiss as
an impulse. Surprisingly, he caught it in
his palm and pressed it against his
chest. I felt my heart instantly falling in
love with him too.

“W ell, love, you should go to bed,

and do that lecture in the morning. The
two of us will keep the bed warm until
you return. Does that sound like a
plan?” Shen asked.

“Oh, that sounds like a great second

choice, but I’m still a bit ticked off that I
can’t come right away. He’s like candy. I
want to lick him all over.”

“I think he’s here to stay from now

on. Just be patient for a few more hours,
love. See you in the morning.”

“Behave, you two!” M aro said, and

the video screen cut off, leaving a blank

screen behind.

Chapter 7

That

night I slept like a baby, realizing

for the first time that the expensive
sheets held another smell besides
Shen’s, and it made me feel closer to
both of them. I wondered if M aro had
smelled me and liked the scent. The
thought made me happy, lulling me to
sleep.

The morning was as amazing as ever

as it crept into the room, waking us
both. I wasn’t really in the mood for sex
—too nervous from expecting M aro to
come back. I jumped around the place
like a bunny, inspecting every corner
and every edge. Of course, it was Shen
who calmed me down again.

He opened a cupboard and flipped a

switch, causing all the holographic

pictures to light up. Even “wow” got
stuck in my throat as I admired their
perfect bodies. Every wall had at least
one picture, and most of them were of
M aro and Shen in extremely erotic
positions. I looked at them, mesmerized,
giving every picture the attention that it
deserved. By the time I had satisfied my
curiosity and studied all the angles of
their bodies, hours had already passed,
my erection was distinctive, and M aro’s
arrival was just around the corner.

An hour before he was to arrive, I

was taking off my clothes wickedly in
front of Shen. It was an attempt at
seduction, so that the smell of lust
would dominate the air that greeted
M aro. W hat can I say? I really wanted
him naked in front of me as soon as he
got back.

Just as I was unzipping my pants, a

tone signaled an incoming call.

“Hold that thought,” Shen said to

me, turning toward the wall.

“Good day. Am I speaking to

Teacher Shen?” A woman on the other
side used his official title.

“Yes, I am Shen. How can I help

you?”

“This is a mandatory call from the

Interplanetary Transport Organization.
W e are sorry to inform you that jet
number 4634-D failed to respond to our
last scheduled check-in. You are listed
as the contact person for Teacher M aro,
who requested that all irregularities be
reported. The jet isn’t late as of yet, and
we will keep you informed about the
situation. Good day, Teacher Shen.” The
contact ended, and the silence in the
room was suddenly deafening.

M aro’s jet was out of reach, which

could mean any number of things, but I
was well aware of exactly where Shen’s

thoughts wandered. I walked to him,
wrapping my arms around his wide
shoulders.

“It is just a loss of contact. He will

be back as planned, so don’t worry about
it.”

Shen sat there, stiff and soundless.

It seemed as if his whole world had
stopped for a moment and was waiting
for enough ammunition to explode.

I held him tight and kept kissing his

neck. “M aro is all right, it’s just a
malfunction in the communication
devices. He will come on time, and we
will have a great day, as we planned.
Please snap out of it, Shen, you can’t
greet him like this,” I begged him,
devastated with the situation myself,
even

when

I

truly

believed

that

everything was all right.

Soon the shaking started, and

Shen’s shoulders hunched. I felt tears

fall on my hand, and I whispered
reassurances into his ear. There were so
many things I could say to him, but
nothing seemed to work. I knew he was
reliving the loss of his friends and
thinking about his life without M aro. It
was unacceptable to me, mourning
someone who wasn’t even dead. So I
walked up to him and slapped him as
hard as I could. The shock of the blow
stopped the tears instantly, making him
look up at me in surprise.

“Sitting here and crying is damn

good for nothing! You won’t help him if
you mourn him before you even know
that he is dead. W hat if he is
somewhere, injured, and the strength he
needs from you is seeping away because
you’ve already written him off as dead?
Snap out of it, Shen! He needs his lover
now, not a burden!” He stared at me,
slowly processing my words.

“W hat should I do? I can’t do

anything but wait! I won’t know if he is
alive or not for at least another forty-
five minutes,” he said sullenly.

“You are both Teachers, damn it!

And you have been together for years.
The energy that connects you isn’t
something superficial. You can feel each
other; even I know that much, and I’m
practically a virgin. You’ve known me
for only two months, and still you
always sense when something is wrong
or what I want in a particular moment,
so don’t sell me any crap that you can’t
do the same with him!” I yelled at him,
pissed out of my mind.

“Faiths, you are right! I didn’t sense

anything wrong before she contacted
me, and now I’m just too stressed out to
concentrate. Shit!” Another swear word
from his mouth caused me to lose my
train of thought temporarily, but I

managed to remember what I was going
to say.

“Come on, we are going on the bed.

Take off anything that is uncomfortable
on you.” I took him by his clammy hand
and led him to the bedroom.

There he sat, crossing his legs, and I

gripped his hands in mine. “Now close
your eyes, but breathe deeply as long as
you need it. W hen you feel calm and
centered, start thinking about M aro, his
smiles and touches, the way he makes
you feel, and when you have that
sensation within you, try sensing how
he is right now. I will breathe with you,
come on.”

I took charge with more confidence

than I felt, but I knew deep inside that it
was the right thing to do, so I held his
hand and breathed deeply. I let my
thoughts copy his, where everything
was centered on that face I had seen

yesterday, on those smiles and teases
that were directed at me. I basically just
felt good, and no signs of distress
reached me. I didn’t know if I could
even sense such things at my low level
or for a person that I hadn’t even met,
but everything in my gut told me that
M aro was all right.

“He’s

all

right!

He’s

laughing

because he’s excited about meeting you
and seeing me. I can feel him almost as
strongly as when I see him in front of
me. I never paid that much attention to
the things I felt before. How did you
know that? Oh, Faiths, I’m so relieved
that he is all right.…” He spoke in a
hurried voice, his jumbled thoughts
dancing from topic to topic.

“I just felt that way. I knew you

could sense him if you just tried,” I
answered honestly, feeling helpful for
making him happy again.

“I love you so much! I think I would

have died from sorrow if I had been
alone when she called!” He jumped at
me, hugging me senseless on top of the
covers, his mouth kissing every patch of
exposed skin, his grip possessively
strong.

“I love you too, silly, but we aren’t

doing this! I want M aro to be here! W hy
do you think I’ve been holding back the
whole morning?” I grinned.

“I figured it was something like

that, but I need you right now. All the
tension has left my body, but I need to
lose the adrenaline before he comes
back, I don’t want him to know what
happened,” Shen said.

“I

think

he

probably

sensed

something was off too, he just didn’t
panic the way you did. But I suppose I
could do something for you.” I smiled
wickedly, pushing him on his back.

It was unusual for me to take

initiative like that, but the way I’d
handled the situation before gave me
some confidence I usually lacked, and I
started unzipping his pants. His eyes
were clouded while he watched my
every movement, but still he stayed
passive, leaving everything to me.

I didn’t want anything exceptional.

I just had the urge, much like him, to
get closer, and to recover from the scare.
M y lips wrapped around his size
instinctively, and the taste of pre-come
that was already leaking made my head
dizzy. He was big inside my mouth,
taking all the space, feeling so firm. The
idea of him forcing my head onto him
made my own companion stand up
painfully, and just that one thought
brought Shen’s hands on the top of my
head. He pressed gently at first, pushing
his erection further into my mouth. It

was so hard and big that it made my
eyes water, but at the same time I was
so close to coming.

Shen was moaning and thrashing

his head around on the bed, so I
swallowed around him, taking as much
of him as I could, which made his
movements frantic, his hand pressing
harder against my head. W hen he came,
it was with a shout and my head held
firmly against him, forcing me to
swallow. I found it so erotic that I
almost came right then and there; the
only thing that stopped me was the lack
of friction. I was so close, especially
with the taste of him flooding my
mouth, that I figured just the touch of
his finger and the words come for me
would be enough for me to spill my load.

“I want to taste you.” Shen’s words

somehow reached my lustful mind just
before my crying erection was taken by

his searing mouth. It took but a couple
of movements for me to give him all I
held inside and to collapse on the bed,
completely spent.

I was aware of his wicked smile,

that he was proud of the fact that it
turned me on more when he satisfied
himself by using me than when he took
me into his mouth. I could see plans
forming in his head for our future in
bed, but thinking about it in that
moment took too much effort, so I
closed my eyes, somehow drifting off to
sleep.

I woke up to the sound of voices

above me, and when I opened my eyes, I
saw M aro and Shen standing by the bed.
They were pressed head to head,
whispering between themselves without
taking their eyes from me. I found it
strange until I looked at my naked body,
laid there on perfect display for them. I

had a few drops of dried seed coating my
belly, and my legs were spread wide for
everyone to see what was between
them.

A wave of shame engulfed me, and I

scrambled under the covers. I even hid
my blushing face from their looks. It
was M aro who sat on the bed next to
me, his gentle fingers finding the mop of
my hair that was sticking out.

He

leaned

down

to

my

ear,

whispering. “You are so completely
gorgeous, and I couldn’t have gotten a
better present than you, so obscenely
naked, on my bed. Please let me look at
you. I missed out on so much in the last
few months.” Even if I’d wanted to, it
was impossible to ignore that sweet
voice, so I loosened the grip I had on the
covers and lowered them enough to look
into his smiling eyes.

He was incredibly beautiful, leaving

me mesmerized with that purple shine
he gifted me with. His hand moved the
covers off my body slowly, and his pink
lips gently touched mine. The moan that
left me brought another wave of red to
my face, but he ignored all of it
completely, focusing all his attention on
my wanton body. I felt his fingernails
scrape over my skin, and I lifted into his
touch. M y hands lay passively until
Shen came out of nowhere and started
sucking on them. He took every finger
deep into his mouth, his wicked tongue
dancing over the soft skin between
them. I knew that it was just a
beginning, but my body was more than
ready to lose it all over again.

As soon as he abandoned my aching

lips, M aro leaned lower and took me
into his sinful mouth. It was different
from anything Shen ever did, but that
was as far as my comparison reached
because Shen cruelly bit at my nipple,

and M aro pushed a finger inside me. I
came with such ferocity that my teeth
slammed together and numbed my jaw.

It took a moment for me to open my

eyes again, and kneeling above me were
the most beautiful men in the world,
kissing. I was stirring once more, like I
was part machine, because just the sight
of them so gloriously naked caused my
blood to speed up.

I watched as their long, engorged

members bumped into each other, and
my body shivered in sweet anticipation.
It wanted to feel all that hardness inside,
and I whimpered without even being
touched.

Both of them reacted, coming down

to me again, so I reached for them, only
to be held down on the bed. Each of
them pressed one of my hands above my
head and took one of my inviting
nipples into their mouth. I stopped

holding back my screams, letting the
pleasure travel through my body. I was
on the verge again just from that little,
persistent stimulation. Someone’s finger
touched my tip, making me jump in
surprise, trying hard to ignore my
swollen nipples and focus more on that
daring finger. But another hand reached
between my legs and started caressing
that patch of skin below my balls.

I was unable to move, my whole

being screaming for release, but the
Teachers held me just where they
wanted me, stopping every time my
orgasm neared. It was only when tears
started trailing down my cheeks that I
felt lubricant coat my erection, and I
was flipped over on my knees.

M aro slid under me, his eyes gazing

lovingly into my blissful face. His legs
were spread wide, and I couldn’t tear my
eyes away from his inviting entrance.

Disregarding their plan, I scooted down
and pushed my tongue into that sweet
hole. The groan that induced made me
shiver, and I doubled my efforts in
exploring that amazing place. He was so
tight, so unprepared, but under my lips
he felt like silk. I would have stayed
there for hours if not for the strong
hands that lifted me from the back and
put me in my previous position.

Now half-conscious, M aro took me

into his palm, trying to guide me into
that wonderful, tight heat, but he was
too far gone for such an effort, so I
positioned myself and slid inside him
while lifting his limber legs onto my
shoulders.

The pause was inevitable after that,

but I felt Shen taking advantage of it,
pressing intently inside me from the
back. I relaxed as much as I could,
accepting his full size to the root. In a

matter of minutes I was gripped from
the front and filled from the back, and
even my voice left me when we started
to move. They were groaning in pleasure
while I only managed to whimper.

The rhythm was slow but speeding

up gradually, and just as I got used to it,
thinking that I could maybe hold on just
a little longer, M aro gripped me hard,
letting out a deafening moan. I froze in
an attempt to regain control when I
noticed Shen sucking persistently on
M aro’s toe. W ith every suck, M aro
tightened

around

me,

forcing

my

excitement to reach its peak. I took hold
of M aro’s thighs and started pounding
into him faster and faster. I was left
gasping as every powerful thrust from
me resulted in Shen entering deeper
from behind me.

As a last-minute thought, I took

hold of M aro below me and brought him

to completion in a couple of fast
movements. I was next to fill him up
with my seed as my body took hold of
Shen in me. Every twitch his body
produced was felt all the way to M aro,
and as sated and filled as we were, we
collapsed onto each other.

“You have a beautiful cock, you

know?” M aro’s voice kicked me out of
my slumber some time later.

“Um… thank you?” I answered,

confused, still a little dazed.

“A beautiful cock is very important

in our line of work. You can’t very well
present an ugly one for the audience. I
can

already

see

you

naked

and

restrained on our stage. You give
yourself so beautifully, doesn’t he,
Shen?” M aro continued, completely
unfazed.

“He’s gorgeous all over, but I agree

that he would look amazing on that

stage at our mercy. Don’t worry, love,
we will teach you everything we know
and make an expert out of you. It is that
desire of yours to be restrained and
forced that intrigues us to no end,”
Shen added.

“You guys want to tie me up?” I

asked, shock waking me up from my
drowsiness.

“W e want to do all kinds of things

to you, but learning the stuff you enjoy
the most is what gives us the most
pleasure. Just remember what you
thought when Shen was sucking on my
toe, and you will realize that you share
the same thoughts as us.”

I recalled the feeling I’d had when I

saw that sight, and instantly I realized
what M aro meant. I knew I would repeat
that action as soon as I got the chance. I
wanted him to scream for me, to beg me
for it. Every little secret was a treasure,

and I looked forward to discovering
them all.

They washed me together when I

wanted a shower, not allowing me to lift
a

finger,

and

I

observed

their

magnificent bodies as they circled
around me. I came to realize how happy
I actually was and how much more of
that awaited me in the future. I was
their middle in every way, from
personalities to their bodies, and even I
saw that they needed their missing link
between them.

There was no choice to make after

that, and I’m pretty sure that my
decision was already made from the
start. I held on to some false morals and
beliefs, desperately trying to make peace
between my brain and my heart when
just discarding some useless baggage
would have been enough to put them on
the

same

wavelength.

I

was

an

inexperienced idiot who managed to
catch a lucky break with a man who had
unlimited patience and an enormous
heart.

I realized, standing there between

them, that those first things Shen told
me were true. There are no labels on
people

or

discrimination

in

love,

because the heart is the one that decides
in the end. M y heart knew, as it saw
them, that it would end up loving them.
I was completely in the hands of my
Teachers.

Abou t the Au thor

Valentina Heart

lives in Split,

Croatia, a little tourist town by the sea,
and has been writing for years for a
small group of Internet fans. M uch like
reading or painting, it was nothing more
than a hobby until she discovered the
wonderful world of man love and found
that she had a lot to say on the subject.
In her free time, she enjoys free
climbing, long walks by the sea, and
yoga.

Copyright

Eyes of an Innocent ©Copyright Valent ina Heart , 2010

Published by
Dreamspinner Press
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Suit e 244-149
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ht t p://w w w .dreamspinnerpress.com/

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incident s eit her are t he product of t he aut hors’ imaginat ion
or are used fict it iously, and any resemblance t o act ual
persons, living or dead, business est ablishment s, event s, or
locales is ent irely coincident al.

Cover Art by Reese Dante http://www.reesedante.com

T his book is licensed t o t he original purchaser only.
Duplicat ion or dist ribut ion via any means is illegal and a
violat ion of Int ernat ional Copyright Law , subject t o criminal
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and

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Released in t he Unit ed St at es of America

Sept ember 2010

eBook Edit ion
eBook ISBN: 978-1-61581-616-3