Miss Fix-It

Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmittedinany

formorbyanymeans,includingphotocopying,recording,orotherelectronicor

mechanicalmethods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher,exceptinthe

caseofbriefquotationsembodiedincriticalreviewsandcertainothernoncommercial

usespermittedbycopyrightlaw.

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentseitheraretheproductof

theauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,

livingordead,businessestablishments,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

ChapterOne

Stereotypeswereabitch.

Iknewit.I’dliveditwithitmywholedamnlife.Asachild,it’dbeen,“Aw,it’sso

lovelythatKeithbringshisdaughtertowork.Sonicethatshe’sinterestedinhelpinghim,
too,eveninthatprettydress!”Asanadult,itwas,“Huh.She’sabuilder.Howstrange.
Doesn’tsheworryaboutbreakinganailorruininghermake-up?”

Well,screwstereotypesandyourpreconceivednotions,youdick.

Andfortherecord:Iwasn’tsoworriedaboutthemake-up,butthenailthing?Yeah.

Itotallyworriedaboutbreakinganailnowandthen.Chippingpolishwasjusttheworst.

TherewasadamngoodreasonalltheadvertisingforHancockHandymanCo.

eliminatedthefactIwasawoman.Whenmydadsemi-retired,I’dlearnedprettyquickly
thatpeoplewerewillingtooverlookourcompanyjustbecauseIwasawoman.

Severalsurpriseslater,wordhadgottenaroundoursmall,coastaltownofRock

Bay,andmostoftheresidentswerenolongersurprisedwhenKali,notKeith,showedup
ontheirdoorstep.

Thepeoplejustoutsideoftown?Stillsurprised.Stillfunforme.Especiallywhen

wivesandgirlfriendsandmomsconvincedtheskepticalmanofthehousetogivemea
chanceandIgottoblowthemaway.

Thatwouldnevergetold.

“Igotacallfromthemayortoday,”Dadsaid,absentlyflickingthroughtheTV

channels.

“Mhmm,”Ireplied,focusedmoreonthecatarticleonBuzzfeedthananotheroneof

themayor’scomplaints.

“HethinksyouneedtomakeitknownonTheFacebookthatyou’rethe‘K’inK.

Hancock.”

“Sohe’sbeensayingforeighteenmonths.Andit’sjustFacebook,notThe

Facebook.”

“Kali,youshouldconsiderit.”

Iglancedupwitha,“No.”

Hesnorted.“CanIhavehimcallyounexttimehewantstocomplain?”

“Youcanhavehimcallme,”Isaid,closingtheapponmyphone.“Butthatdoesn’t

meanI’llanswerit.IhaveotherthingstodothanlistentoMayorBennet’scomplaints.”

“Kali—”

“Dad,whenhefixesthefive-inchwidepotholeonMainStreet,thenI’lllistento

him.HeshouldbedoingthatinsteadofscrutinizingmyFacebookpage.”

Dadsighed,mutingthetelevision.“Ishouldhaveknownyou’dgetyourmother’s

stubbornstreak.”

Right.Becausehewasthemostagreeablepersonintown.“Sheobviouslyleftit

behindwhenshedied.Yougotthemoneyandthehouse,andIgottheattitude.Ineeda
good,strongstubbornstreaktodealwithyours.”

Hislipstwitched.“Mineisnecessary.IhavetofieldMayorBennet’scalls.”

“LikeIsaid.Hecanfixthepothole,thenwe’lltalk.”Ipaused,tuckinghairbehind

myear.“Plus,everyoneintownknowsyou’resemi-retired.Theonlypersonwhoforgets
isoldMr.Jenkinsandthat’sbecauseofhisdementia.Hell,Isawhiminthegrocerystore
thismorningandhecalledmeCoralandaskedmehowmypetclownfishwere.”

Dadopenedhismouth,thenobviouslydecidedagainstwhathewasgoingtosay.A

thoughtfullookcrossedhismind.“Atleasthemadetheconnectionbetweencoraland
clownfish.That’sbetterthanlastweekwhenhetoldIrmaDarlingthatMr.Picklesneeded
tobeinazooallbecausethecatbrushedupagainsthisankle.”

“Stupidnameforacat,”Imuttered.“Andthatthingdoesbelonginazoo.She

shouldhavecalledhimMr.Prickles.DamnthinghissesatmewheneverIcomewithin
fiftyfeetoftheregister.”

IrmaDarling—no,really,itwashername,andsheinsistedallgentlemenoverthe

ageoftwenty-fiverefertoherassuch.ExceptshewantedtobeIrma,darling.Shewas
alsoasmadaboxoffrogsonatrampoline…andutterlydelusionalifshebelievedMr.
Pickleswasassweet,cushy,cuddlycat.

“That’sbecauseyoualmostranhimoverwhenshegothimlastmonth,sweetheart.”

Iheldupmyhands.“Iwasunderthelimit.Don’tblamemeifthedumbcreature

jumpedinfrontofmytruck.”

Dadofferedmeawitheringlook.“Youjusthatecats.”

“No,Ihatethatcat.There’sadifference.”

“ArewetalkingaboutMr.Picklesagain?”Mystep-motherwanderedintotheroom,

pastasaucedecoratingthefrontofherwhiteshirt.Herblueeyesscannedthepairofus
frombeneaththick,darkeyelashes,andherpale,pinklipscurved,wrinklingattheedges.
“ThatdemoncatscratchedmylegwhenIwenttothestorethismorning.Irmatoldmenot
tostandonhistail,andItoldherthatifhercatattackedmeagain,I’drelievehimofthe
damntail.”

Dadbroughthishanduptohisface,closinghiseyesbeforehepinchedthebridge

ofhisnose.

“Thankyou,”Isaidlookingather.“ThethingsolditssoultoSatan,nodoubtabout

it.AlongwithMayorBennet.”

“Ohdear,”shesaid.“Hashebeenharassingyourfatheragain?”

Inodded.

“Themanneedstofocusonourpotholes.Ihavehalfamindtowriteastrongly

wordedlettertothecouncil.”

“I’llco-sign,”Ioffered.

“Ineedadrink,”Dadsaid.“Portia,honey,ifyouwriteanotherlettertothecouncil

thisyear,theymight…Well,Ihavenoideawhatthey’lldo,butCouncilorJeffrieswilllose
hismind.”

Momwiggledherfingerathim,thebrightredofhernailaquickflashofcolor

throughtheair.“Youcan’tloseamindifyoudon’tpossessoneinthefirstplace.I’vehalf
amindtorunforcouncilnextyear.”

“Excellent,”Daddrawled.“Youhavehalfamindtorunforcouncil,andtheother

halfisfocusedonwritingthemaletter.Doyouthinkyoucouldsparealittletofocuson
notburningdinner?”

IbittheinsideofmycheeksoIdidn’tlaugh.

“KeithHancock,I’llwashyourmouthoutwithsoapifyoukeepsassingme.”

“You’dhavetocatchme.”

“Thatwouldn’tbehard,dear.Youhaven’tmovedfromthesofaforthreehours.”

Iburstoutlaughing,quicklycoveringmymouthwithmyhand.Dadshotmealook

thatwasacrossbetween“shutup”and“don’tvalidateher.”Ofcourse,Ididn’tstop
laughing—I’dstoppedbeingafraidofthatlooktenyearsago—andgotawinkfromMom
formytroubles.

“CanIhelpyouinthekitchen,honey?”Dadasked,nowallsweetnessandlight.

“Youcanlocktheworkshop.Don’tthinkIdidn’tnoticethedooropen,andyou’re

notsittingthereuntiltwointhemorningbuildingthatcoffeetableagain.”

“Ooh,”escapedmymouth.“Areyoualmostdone?”

Dad’sexpressionbrightened.“Iam.Doyouwanttosee?”

Inodded,gettingupasheheavedhimselfoutofthechair.“Ihaven’tseenitsince

youstartedcarvingthefirstleg.”

“Thefirstthreearedonenow.Theyjustneedabitofsandingandvarnishing.Come

see.”

IfollowedhimoutoftheroomtoaneyerollfromMom,butitwasafondone.After

all,she’dcomeintoourliveswhenIwasthirteen.Sheknewmyfather’struepassionwas
carpentry,andsheknewthatalltheaspectsofbuildingandhandiworkwereengrainedinto
myverysoul.

Andmydad?Well.Hewasthebestdamncarpenterinthewholestate,andthis

coffeetablehadbeenhispetprojectformonths.

MyphonebeepedwithanotificationrightbeforeIcouldenterthebarn.Iheldupa

fingersoDadknewI’dbeinsideinaminute.Thenotificationbarshowedanewemailto
myworkaddress,soIclickedittoopenit.

To:HancockHandymanCo(khancock@hancockhandymanco.com)

From:BrantleyCooper(brantley-cooper@gmail.com)

Subject:re:WebsiteContactForm

DearSir/Madam,

I’mcontactingyoutodiscussthepossibilityofaconsultation.Irecentlymovedto

townandIwouldliketohavesomeonecomeinandfixupmychildren’sbedrooms.
They’renotingreatconditionatpresent.

Iwasrecommendedyourcompanybysomeoneearliertoday.Becauseofthe

conditionoftherooms,Iwouldneedsomeonetocomebysoonerratherthanlater.Isthis
somethingsomeonefromyourcompanywouldbeabletoaccommodate?

Ifnot,Icompletelyunderstand,andwouldappreciateanyrecommendationsfor

otherlocalcompanies.

Regards,

BrantleyCooper

Iclickedmytongueandresponded.

To:BrantleyCooper(brantley-cooper@gmail.com)

From:HancockHandymanCo(khancock@hancockhandymanco.com)

Subject:re:WebsiteContactForm

DearMr.Cooper,

Manythanksforyouremail.Couldyouprovidesomemoreinformationastothe

conditionofthebedrooms?Perhapspicturesifpossible?

Bestwishes.

K.Hancock

Itapped‘send’andheadedinsidetoviewDad’scoffeetableproject.Thelegswere

alllaidoutontheworktable,andonewasnoticeablyless-carvedthantheothers.Still,that
didn’ttakeawayfromtheintricacyofhiscarpentry,andIranafingerovertherough

surfaceofoneofthecompletedlegs.

“Theystillneedsandingandtreating,butIshouldbeabletostartthatnextweek.”

Dadpickeduptheunfinishedlegandstaredatit.“Ihopeso,atleast.”

“They’rebeautiful,Dad,”Isaidhonestly.“Thisisgoingtobeincrediblewhenit’s

finished.”

Hesetdownthelegandsmiledatmebeforehepulledmecloseandkissedmeon

thecheek.Thesalt-and-pepperwhiskersthatdottedhisjawandchintickledmyskinwith
thesweepingpeck,butIsmiledallthesame.

Myphonebeepedagain.

“That’salotofbeeps,”heremarked.“Anyoneimportant?”

“Potentialnewclient.Justmovedtotownandwantshiskids’bedroomslookingat.

Apparently,they’rerundown.”

“Howrundown?”

Iwavedthephone.“That’swhatI’m,hopefully,abouttofindout.”Idroppedmy

attentiontomyphoneandopenedthenewestemail.

To:HancockHandymanCo(khancock@hancockhandymanco.com)

From:BrantleyCooper(brantley-cooper@gmail.com)

Subject:re:WebsiteContactForm

DearK.Hancock,

Pleaseseetheattached.

Regards,

BrantleyCooper

Idownloadedtheattachmentsandpulledthemuponmygallery.Dadpeeredover

myshoulderasIswipedthroughthem.Theyweremostlypeelingwallpaperandcracked
paint,alightinneedoffixing,thefloorsinneedofdecentcarpetingorflooring,butthe
lastfewweretheonesthatheldtherealproblem:themoldonthewalls.

“That’sprettybad,”Dadsaid,tiltingthescreen.“Theymightneednewwindows,

andtheycertainlycan’tsleepinthoseroomsorthey’llgetsick.”

Inoddedinagreement.“Anditcouldbehisluckyday.Well,he’dhavetowaita

week,butIcandoitnextSaturdayandprobablystartthefollowingMonday.”

“Quietonthebooks?”

“OnceI’mdonewiththerepaintofSusieMichaels’guesthouse,yep.That’snobad

thing,though.Icouldhaveusedthebreak,butheobviouslyneedsmyhelp.”

Dadpattedmyshoulderandmovedaway.“Suredoes,Kali.Wantmetocomeand

helpyouchecktheplaceover?”

“No,it’sfine.I’mnotsureMomwouldbetooimpressedifIdraggedyouawaynext

Saturday.”

Apuzzledlookflittedacrosshisface.“Why?”

Iblinkedathim.“Uh…Dad?It’syourweddinganniversary.”

Hefroze,eyeswideningatmywordssankin.“Oh,shit.”

Ismirked,leaningagainsttheworktable.“There’sabunchofherfavoriteflowers

reservedatNovaforyoutocollectatsevena.m.,andIbookedyouatableatTheCoastal
Boulevard.Seven-thirtyreservation,andyes,theyalreadyknowit’syouranniversary.”

Hevisiblydeflated,sighingoutinrelief.“WhatwouldIdowithoutyou?”

“Getinalotoftroublewithyourwife.”

“Ican’targuewiththetruth.Talkingof—weshouldgobackinsidebefore.Dinner

isprobablyready.”

Inodded.“Letmejustreplytothisemail.I’llberightin.”

Dadleftmetoit,andIopenedmyemail.

To:BrantleyCooper(brantley-cooper@gmail.com)

From:HancockHandymanCo(khancock@hancockhandymanco.com)

Subject:re:WebsiteContactForm

DearMr.Cooper,

Thanksforthephotos.Icanseeyourproblem.Unfortunately,I’mbookedthisweek,

butI’mfreeforaconsultationnextSaturday.Isthatsoonenough?

Icanpointyouinthedirectionofotherrelativelylocalcontractors,butIdoubt

manywouldbeabletogetyouinsoquickly.

Hopetohearfromyouonthissoon.

Bestwishes,

K.Hancock

Hisresponsewithinseconds—beforeI’devenlefttheworkshop.

To:HancockHandymanCo(khancock@hancockhandymanco.com)

From:BrantleyCooper(brantley-cooper@gmail.com)

Subject:re:WebsiteContactForm

DearK.Hancock,

That’ssoonerthanIwasexpecting.Doestena.m.workforyou?

Regards,

BrantleyCooper

Iresponded,confirmingthetime,andadvisinghimtonothavehischildrensleepin

theroom.Ialsoofferedacommonsolutiontoremovethesurfacemoldonthewallsand
thewindowsill.Herespondedappreciatively,soItuckedmyphoneawayandheadedback
insidefordinnerwithmyfamily.

***

Momhandedmeaglassofwine.Ihadtohandleitcarefullythankstohertendency

toactuallymakeaglassofwineafullglass,andIwasnevermorethankfulthanrightnow
thatIcouldwalkhomefrommyparents’.

“Anynewsonthedatingfront?”sheasked,takingtheotherseatonthesofa.

Dadhadlongretiredtotheworkshoptoplaywithhistableleg,soshewasableto

askmethequestionsshereallywantedto.Iwastwenty-six,butthatdidn’tmeanmyfather
wascomfortablearoundthesequestions.

“Doyoumeannewsotherthan“oh,look,anotherdatewithafuckboy?””Ireplied,

sippingmywine.

“Atthispoint,honey,fuckboysaren’tnews.They’rethenorm.”

Igroanedinagreement.“It’sallthesame,allthetime.AndtheguyIwentoutwith

onWednesday?Hejustprovedhedidn’treadmybioatall.”

“Oh,dear.”

“Oh,dear?Oh,shit,ismorelikeit.”ThethingIlovedaboutmystepmother:She

hadapottymouthtorivalasailor’s,andwhileIhadtowatchitmostofthetime,whenwe
discusseddating,allbetswereoff.

Besides,crapboyjustdidn’tsoundasgoodasfuckboy.

“Thatbad?”Shelookedatmewithsympatheticeyes.

“Theworstyet,maybe.”Ipushedmyhairfrommyeyes.“First,hewaslate,whichI

forgavebecausehesaidhe’dgotcaughtintraffic.”

“InRockBay?Wasthetrafficseagullsontheroad?”

“Hesaidhelivedoutoftown,sowhatever.Eventhoughheneverapologized.”I

sippedagain.“Then,fiveminutesin,heasksmewhatIdo.ItoldhimIranthefamily
buildingbusinesssinceDadissemi-retired,andhegoes,“Oh,you’rethesecretary?””

Hereyeswidened.

“Isaid,“No,actually.I’mthebuilder,”andifIcouldhavecapturedthelookonhis

face,I’dhaveblownitupandtapedittothesideofthemayor’sbuilding.”

“Whatdidhesaytothat?”

MyfacewrinkledupasIsaidit.“Hecomplimentedmeonmyexcellentbicep

musclesandwentto“takeaphonecall.””

“Hestiffedyouwiththebill?”

Igrinned,shakingmyhead.“He’dbookedthetable,andyouknowhowMarcie

startedcollectingaddressesofbookerssincetheCoastalbecamethe‘it’place?”

“No!”

“She’sforwardedhimthebill.Igottoenjoyagreatdinnerforfree.”

“Howdidshedothat?”

“Apparently,hebookedonthewebsite,andthere’ssmallprintthatstatesthe

bookingpartyisliableforthebillintheeventofadategonewrong.Well—probablynot
that,butenoughtocoverpoorlittlewomenlikemewhogetstuffedbecausetheguyisa
dick.”

Momshookherheadandsighed.“AtleastMarciehasaplaninplaceforthose

dicks.”

“Onlybecausethelastguyshedatedthoughttheirdatewouldbefreebecauseitwas

atCoastal,”Iremindedher.“Marciethoughthe’dbegentlemanenoughtopay,butnope.”

“I’msogladIdon’thavetodatenow,”Momsaid.“Idon’tthinkIcouldstandit.I’d

likelybelockedupformurder.”

“You’vebeenmarriedtoDadfortenyearsnextweekend.Isn’tthatsimilartojail?”

She’dbeendrinkingherwinewhenI’dsaidthat,andshesnorted,clappingherhand

overhernose.Iburstoutlaughingasshesquealedandchoked.

“Damnit,Kali.HowcanIdrinkproperlyifyoukeepmakingmelaugh?”

Igrinned.

“Andfortherecord,no,marriageisnotlikejail.”Shepaused.“Mostofthetime.At

leastinjailthere’dbearotationofwhoseturnitistoloadthedishwasher.”

“Mom,please.EverytimeDadloadsit,youredoit.”

“It’snotmyfaultifhedoesitwrong.Ikeephopinghe’lltakethehint.”

Itappedmyfingeragainstmychin.“DoyouthinkifIwrote,“NOTTHE

SECRETARY”onmybioonthedatingsitepeoplewouldgetit?”

“No.Ithinkyoushouldsayyouarethesecretary,thenshockthemwhenyoucan

buildIkeafurniturewithoutswearing.”

“Andwithouttheinstructions.”

“That’sjustcocky.”

“Exactly.”

Sherolledhereyes,butherwineglasshidasmile.“Whoevermarriesyoubetter

havethepatienceofasaint,KaliHancock.”

“They’dbetterhavemorethanthepatienceofasaint.IwantthecockofaGod,

too.”

Sheblinkedatmeforamoment.“DoyoueverthinkIshouldbelessofthebest

friendkindofparentandmoreofthe“don’tspeaklikethat”parent?”

Itwistedmylipsinawrysmile.“Youtriedthatonce.Itlastedaweek.”

“Maybeit’stimetotryagain.”

“Fiftybuckssaysyoulastthreedays.”

Shetappedherfingersagainstherknee.“You’reright.Besides,youhaveyourdad

forthat.”

Onceagain,Igrinned,thankfulforhavingamomandbestfriendwrappedintoone.

ChapterTwo

Oneweeklater

Notetoself:agirls’nightoutthedaybeforeaconsultationwithapotentialclient

wasnotthebestideaI’deverhad.

Neitherwasthevodka.

Really,Iknewbetter.Meandvodkaweren’tfriends.Bythispointinmylife,I

shouldhavebeenabletosaynotheallureofanycocktailwithitin—andIdefinitely
shouldn’tbegivingintopeerpressurewhenit’stheshotsround.

Allthingsconsidered,Iwasaprettylousyadult.But,hey.Mybestfriendwasback

fromaworktripthattookherawayforamonth,andthenightouthadbeenplannedlong
beforeIgotBrantleyCooper’semail.

Thankfullyforme,rightnow,I’ddrankenoughwatertoquenchthethirstofaherd

ofelephants,hadscarfeddown—ahem—threebagels,showered,andbrushedmyteethat
leastfivetimestokillthealcoholgrimethedrinkingsessionhadleftbehind.

Iwasfeelingalmosthuman.Almost.

MyprofessionalheadwouldtakeoverwhenIwalkedinsidethehouse.Ihadmy

toolbox,eventhoughIdidn’tthinkIwouldneedit.Itwasmostlyforthetapemeasurethat
IwouldundoubtedlyloseifItookitoutofthebox.

Iwasalwayslosingthedamnthing.Iwasaboutreadytobuytheminbulkandstore

theminmybasement.

IswallowedamouthfulofwaterbeforeIstartedupmytruck.Thebright-pin

freshenerswungfromtherearviewmirrorasIpulledoutofmydrivewayandawayfrom
mymodest,two-storyhouse.

TheaddressBrantleyCooperhadgivenmewasn’ttoofarfrommyownhouse.A

fiveminutedrive,atenminuteorsowalk,sinceyoucouldcutthroughtheparkthat
separatedourneighborhoods.Ialsoknewittobepartofablockofhousesthathadmold
issueseversincetheywerebuilt.Theoriginalbuyershadbeengivencompensationforthe
problemsithadcaused,butthatdidn’tcountwhenyouwerebuyingitfromoneofthem.

Inotherwords,BrantleyCooperwasinforthelong—andpotentiallyexpensive—

haulifhe’dboughtthishouse,andIwasalmostcertainhehad.

Ipulledontohisstreet.Itwaseasytopickoutwhichhousewashis.Flattenedboxes

werepiledonthegrassbythemailbox,stackedsomewhathaphazardly.Ipulleduptothe
curbandkilledmyengine.AnotherdrinkofwaterandIgrabbedmytoolbox—anddrill
case,justincase—andheadedforthefrontdoor.

Irangthebell.

Ascreamanswered.

Itookastepback.

“No,Ewwie!”ayoungvoiceshouted.“Nooooo!”

“Eleanor.Elijah!”adeeper,gruffervoicesaidoverthenoiseofthemfighting.“Can

youstopfortwominutessoIcananswerthedoor?”

“Butshesaid—”

“Buthe—”

Thedoorswungopen,revealingtomethemanIpresumedtobeBrantleyCooper.

Holymotheroforgasms.

Dumbly,Istaredathim.Atthedarkhairthatcurledoverhisforeheadandears.At

theturquoise-blueeyesthatwerecurrentlysizingmeup.Atthesharpcheekbones,thefull
lips,thestubbledjaw…Thearmsthatlookedliketheycouldliftatankoverhishead.

“CanIhelpyou?”hesaidinalowvoicethatIcouldhearovertheunrulyfightingin

thehousebehindhim.

Mymouthwastoodrytoanswer.

Hecockedaneyebrow.“I’msorry,Ihaveanappointmentin…”Helookedatthe

watchonhiswrist.“Anymoment,actually,andIhavetosortmykids,so…”

“Mr.Cooper?”Thankgod.Hiagain,voice.Niceofyoutoshowup.

Hestopped,mid-turn,andpeeredatme.“Yes…”

Iheldoutmyhand.“KaliHancock.I’mheretoconsultwithyouonyourchildren’s

rooms?”

“KaliHancock.”Hesaidmynameslowly,rollingitaroundhismouthasifhewere

tryingitonforsize.

Deep,rumbly,and…suspicious.

Herewegoagain.

“TheK.HancockI’vebeenemailingwith?”

“That’sme.”

“Isitcommonforyourcompanytosendsomeonewhoisn’tthebuilderforthe

consultation?”

Itookadeepbreathandmotionedtothetoolboxbymyfeet.“Notatall.Iamthe

builder.”

Hestaredatme,eyebrowsdrawingtogetherinconfusion.Icouldseetheexact

momentunderstandingsettled,becausehiseyebrowsshotupandhislipspartedoh-so-
invitingly.

Damnit,no.Ididn’tgetattractedtostereotypicalpeoplelikehim.

Someoneneededtotellmyvaginathat.

“You’rethebuilder,”hefinallysaid,slowly.

Agut-wrenchingscreamcamefrominsidethehouse.

BrantleyCoopershookhishead.“I’msorry—comein.I’llbeaminute.”

“Thanks.”Ipickedupmytoolboxanddrillandsteppedintothehallway.There

wasn’talotofroom—he’deitherdownsizedtremendouslyorhe’dfailedtounpackalot
ofstuff.Howlonghadhebeenherefor?

“Eleanor,Elijah,that’senough.”Heclappedhishandsinthenextroom.

IleanedtothesidesoIcouldseethroughthedoor.

What?Iwasnosy.HowelsedidIfindstuffout?

Hestoodinfrontoftwochildren,aboyandagirl.Despitethefactthelittlegirl—

Eleanor—wasaninchtallerthanherbrother,Elijah,itwasobvioustheyweretwins.

How?

Theybothhadhairthatwasagolden-browncolorthatglintedalmostcopperinthe

sunlightthatstreamedthroughthewindowbehindBrantley.Theybothstoodinidentical
positions,too.Legsapart,armsfolded,andthescowlsthatmarredtheiradorablelittle
faces…Well,youcouldhavemergedphotosofthoseexpressions,andyouwouldn’tbe
abletotell,evendowntothefrecklesthatappearedtodottheirnoses.

“Imeanit,”Brantleysaid.“Thebuilderisheretotalkaboutyourbedrooms.I’ll

sendherhomeifyouaren’tgoingtobehaveyourselves.”

Inperfectsync,theydroppedtheirarms,andtheirscowlschangedintohorrified

expressions.

“No,Daddy!”Eleanorrushedtohimandtuggedonhisjeans.“No,no,no,Ineed

mypwincesswoom!”

“No!”Elijahcopiedhissister.“Ineedmysuperhewowoom.”

“No,Ineed—”

“Ineedyoutostopshouting,”Brantleysaid,extractingthetwinsfromhim.“Next

time,you’rebothintimeout,doyouhearme?”

Twopairsofwideeyesgazedupathim,andgolden-brownhairbobbedasthey

noddedinunison.

Man.Thatwascreepyasfuck.

“Now,”hecontinued.“Iwantyoubothtositdownwiththepaintchartsandpick

outthecolorofyourwalls.”Hepulledtwochartsoffthepractically-emptybookcaseto
thesideofhimandhandedthemoneeach.“I’mgoingupstairswithMs.Hancock,andthe
secondIhearfightingisthesecondElliegetsthesuperheroroomandEligetstheprincess
one.Okay?”

IfEllielookedhorrified,Eliwaspositivelybesidehimselfatthepossibility.

NeverhadIseentwochildrensitdownandstareatpaintchartssointentlyinmy

entirelife.

Brantleyblewoutabreathandranhishandthroughhishair,joiningmebackinthe

hallway.“Sorry.WejustmovedfromDenver,andthisisabitofachangeforthem.No
preschool,theylosttheirnanny,myparentsaren’taroundanymore…It’shard.”

Nomentionoftheirmom.

Hmm.

Washesingle?

Damnit,Kali.Putyourthirstyvaginabackinitscage.

“Don’tworry.”Ismiled.“Shallwegoupstairs?”

Heglancedbackinthelivingroom.“Whilethey’restillquiet?Absolutely.Idoubt

it’lllastlong.”

Iswallowedalaughandgrabbedmythings.I’dbeenherelessthanfiveminutes,

andalreadyIcouldtellthatwastotallytrue.

Ifollowedhimupstairs,andIswear,Itriednottolookathisass.Itwasliterallya

mantrainsidemyhead.

Don’tlookathisass.Don’tlookathisass.Don’tlookathisass.

Itdidn’twork.Itwashardnottolookathisass.Itwasroundandpeachyand

goddamnit,Iwasaheathen!

Whatwasgoingonhere?Wasitahangovereffect?

Thatwasit.

Itwasalingering,painfultraceofthatfuckingvodka.

Still…Itwasareally,reallygreatass.AndIwasanassgirl.Andanarmgirl.And

aneyegirl.Andamouthgirl.Andacock-like-a-godgirl.

Basically,Iwaseasytopleaseunlessyouspokelikeacock.

“…reallyworked,”Brantleysaid,reachingthetopofthestairs.

Oh,shit.Ihadn’theardawordhe’dsaid.

“Good.”Wasthattherightthingtosay?Goddamnhismesmerizingass.

“Yes—themoldonthewallsisalmostcompletelygone,butIthinkit’sjuststaining

now.”Hepushedopenadoor.“ThisisEllie’sroom.Her’swasalittleworsethanEli’s.”

Isteppedinsidetheroomafterhim.Thepicturesreallyhadn’tdoneitjustice—the

paperwasripping,thefloorwasindesperateneedofanoverhaul,andthewindowsstill
heldthesignsofthemoldinthewayitwasetchedintotheedgesofthewindows.

Iputdownmythingsandwenttotakeacloserlook.“It’sjuststaining,”I

confirmed.“Ineedtolookmore,butIthinkit’sjustblackmold,whichisaproblemallthe
housesinthisneighborhoodhave.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.Theoriginalcontractorsscrewedsomethingup,butsinceyouboughtfrom

someoneelseandnotthem,managementisonyou.”

“Great,”hedrawled.“Isthereanythingyoucandoforit?”

“Honestly,”Isaid,turningaround.“Ifit’sjustsurfacemold,no.Itreallyisjust

management.Makingsuretheroomisairedout—especiallyincoldermonths—andthat
yougivethewindowsawipedownwiththesolutionyoualreadyused.”

“Really?That’sit?”

“Well,sinceI’mpainting…Thereisamixtureyoucangetthatyoucanputinto

paint.Itwon’thelpthewindows,butit’llcounteractthemoldtryingtoformonthewalls.”

“Canyoubuythat?”Histurquoisebluegazesettledonmeintently.

“Ican,but…”Ipaused.“Itcanbeexpensive,andifyouneeditformorethanone

room…”

“Ican,but…”Ipaused.“Itcanbeexpensive,andifyouneeditformorethanone

room…”

“Icanwriteyouthedepositchecktoday.”

Well,thatchangedthings.“Icanorderitassoonasit’scashed.”

Henodded.“Perfect.ShallweseeEli’sroom?”

Inoddedandfollowedhim,feelinglikeoneofthosestupidbobby-headdogspeople

putintheircars.

Eli’sroomwasmuchthesameasEllie’sintermsofwhatitneeded.Newfloors,

newwalls,moldtreatment.Thatwasallstandard,though.ItwaseverythingelseIneeded
toknowthatwasn’t.

“Whatelseareyouthinking?Icanseeyou’rehopingformorethanjustabitof

paintandnewcarpetfitted.”

Awrysmiletwistedhislips.“Howdidyouknow?”

“It’smyjobtoknow.”

Hemotionedtowardthestairs.“Ineedtocheckthetwins.CanImakeyoua

coffee?”

“Sure.”Webothwentdown.Bysomemiracle,atleastjudgingbyhisrelievedsigh,

thetwinswerequietandstillpickingtheirpaintcolors.Whoknewitwassucha
complicatedjobforsuchtinypeople?

Heledmeintothekitchenandwavedhishandatthetable.“Takea—holdon.”He

shiftedtwoboxesfromachairandputthembythebackdoor.“Sorry.Unpackingisdamn
hardwithtwokidsaround.”

“Areyoubyyourself?”

Henoddedbrisklyandturnedonthecoffeemachine.

“Youdon’thavefamilyhere?”Ifrowned.NobodymovedtoRockBayifthey

didn’thavefamilyhere.

Hegrippedtheedgeofthecounter.“Nofamily.Thetwins’mompassedawaytwo

andahalfyearsago.”

Iopenedmymouth,closedit,andopeneditagain.Nothingcameout.

Oh,that’sright.Nothingcameoutbecausemyfootwasinmymouth.

“I’msorry,”Ifinallymanagedtoekeout.“Ishouldn’thaveasked.”

Hewavedhisarmdismissively,settingamuginfrontofme.“Twoandahalfyears

isalongtime.

“I’msorry,”Ifinallymanagedtoekeout.“Ishouldn’thaveasked.”

Hewavedhisarmdismissively,settingamuginfrontofme.“Twoandahalfyears

isalongtime.Youdidn’tknow.Icanseewhyyouasked.RockBayisalittle…quieter…
thanI’dexpected.”

Awrysmileassuredmehewasn’ttooannoyedatmyquestioning.

“Creamandsugar?”

“Please,”Isaid.“Sorry.I’malittlenosyandsometimeshaveahabitofputtingmy

footinmymouthandchewingonmytoes.”

“Hopefullynotliterally.”

“NotsinceIwasatleastthree.”

Hehalf-grinned.“Gotanytipstostopthat?Eliisafanofhistoenails.”

Iwrinkledmynoseup.“Oh,gosh.”

Brantleypulledhismugfromthemachineandsatoppositeme.Hepiledthree

sugarsandadashofcreamintohiscoffee,thensmiledagain.“Ifsomebodyhadwarned
mehowgrosskidsare,Imighthavereconsidered.”

“Well,that’sthereasonI’mnotakidperson,”Iadmitted.“Ican’tdealwiththe

toenailsthing.”

“Elliedoesn’tdoit,sothere’sthat.”

“Yeah,no.Haveyoueverbeenateenagegirl?”

“I’monehundredpercentsureIhaven’t.”

Ibittheinsideofmycheek.“Well,myapologiesforwhatwillhappentoyouinten

years.”

“Thanks.”Hefoughtanevenwidersmile.“So,theotherstufffortheirrooms…”

“Sure.Goonahead.”IpulledmyphonefrommypocketandopenedmyNotesapp.

Heglancedatitwithaquirkedeyebrow,butdidn’tacknowledgeitotherwise.“The

roomsaren’thuge,soI’dliketogetthemahigherbed,butnotareallyhighone.”

Technical.

“Amid-sleeper?Withroomforadeskorsomethingunderneath?”

“That’sit,butIthinkElliewouldpreferadress-upwardrobewithspaceforbooks,

andEliwouldprefera“bat-cave”typething.”

IsmiledandnoddedasItappedthatontotheapp.“Icandefinitelydothat.Mydad

isanexcellentcarpenter,andhe’dbethrilledtotakeonthatchallenge.”

“Really?He’sacarpenter?”

“Familybusiness.”Mysmiledturnedwry.“Don’tthinkyou’rethefirstpersontobe

confusedwhenIshowup.”

“TheK.Hancockthrowsyou,that’sforsure.”

IsuckedmylipbetweenmyteethsoIdidn’tgrinevenwider.“Isthereanyother

furnitureyou’dlikebuilt?Dadcanbuildbedstomatchanythingyou’dbebuyingfroma
store.”

“Iactuallyhavetheirfurniture.Iplannedtobuildit,butthenthemold…Then

parentinghappened,andI’mstartingtofeellikeI’llneverhavetime.”

Iheldupmyhands.“Don’tworry.Icanhandlethatforyou,too.AllI’llneedisyou

togetmephotosofthefurnitureorlinkstothem.I’llpassitontomyfather.”Ipaused.
“Youknowthat’salittleextra,right?Thebeds.”

Henodded.“It’sfine.They’vehadaroughtime,andIwantthemtobehappy.”

Somethingdeepinsidemewarmedatthatstatement.“Whydon’tyougivemeyour

phonenumber?IcanpassallthisontoDad,andhecancallyouwithaquote.”

“Sure.Doyoumind?”Hepointedtomyphone.

Ibroughtupthecontactsandhitthebuttonforanewone.

Heinputhisnameandnumber,thenslidthephonebacktome.

Well.ThatwastheeasiestI’devergottenahotguy’snumber.

“Whendoyouthinkyoucanstart?”

“Monday,”Ireplied,finishingmycoffee.“I’llneedtocomebyacoupletimesthis

weektotakesomemeasurementsforthebiggerthingsanddropoffsomebrochuresfor
you.I’llcallaheadtoletyouknow,butI’llbehereateight-thirtyonMondaymorningto
starttearingoutthatwallpaperandflooring.Isthatgoodforyou?”

“Thatworks.Canthekidsgointheirownroomsnowthemoldisgone?”

Istood,tuckingmyphoneinmypocket.“Wipethewallseverydayandleavethe

windowopensoitcandryout.Ifyoudothat,Idon’tseewhynot.”

“Perfect.Ineedsomepeaceback.Talkingofpeace…”Hegotupanddartedintothe

frontroom.

IhoveredawkwardlybeforeIgrewthecouragetopeekinsidetheroom.

“Ohmygod.”Brantleycoveredhisfacewithhishands.“Wheredidyoufindthe

pens?”

“Ewididit,”Elliesaid.

“No!Ewwiedidit!”herbrotherreplied.

Iedgedalittlefurtherinside.Onthelovely,creamwallofthelivingroomwasa

dodgylookingfairywithonewing,alldrawninpink.Nexttoherwasastrangedinosaur
withpurplespotsthatwerehalf-colored.

AsifheknewIwasthere,Brantleydroppedhishand,blinked,andlookedatme.

“Canweaddthelivingroomtopainting?”

Helookedsohelpless,so…exhausted…yetalsolikehewastryingnottolaughat

theirartisticstreak,thatittookeverythingIhadnottolaugh,too.

“GoodthingIhavealotofdustsheets.”

ChapterThree

“So.”Jaydaleanedbackonmybedandwriggledhertoesinherstripysocks.My

bestfriendhadskippedoutearlyonabaddate,promptlydecidingtoshowupatmyhouse
withwine,ice-cream,andcandy.“Howaboutyoutellmeaboutyourlastdate?”

“Nuh-uh.”IpulledaTwizzlerfromthepacketandbitofftheend.“Youknowabout

mylasthorrordate.You’retheonewhoranawaytonight,andifyoushowedupwithall
this,itmusthavebeenbad.”

“AsidefromthefactIknowbetterthantoshowupatyourhousewithoutTwizzlers

—”

“Truestory.”

“—You’reright.Itwasterrible.Probablytheworstoneever,actually.”

IturnedmyheadawayfromtheFriendsre-runandstaredatherprofile.Shewas

theblondtomybrunette,andIhadnoideahowshewassinglewithhercutebuttonnose,
fulllips,andlarge,blueeyes.

“WorsethanJohnnyKnox?”

Shegroaned,leaningherheadrightbackagainsttheheadboardandreachedforher

wineglass.Insteadoftheglass,shegrabbedthebottle.Ismirkedwhenshetookonelook
atit,shrugged,andswiggedstraightfromit.

“Wow.”Wowwastherightreactionhere.IfitwasworsethanJohnnyKnox,Mr.

Handsyhimselfwhotriedtogetheroffrightthereinthemiddleoftherestaurant,itwas
bad.

“Itwasastringofbullshit,Kali.Firstup,heshowsofflate.”

Beenthere.

“Then,hedidn’tlookanythinglikehispicture.Claimedtheonlydifferentwasthe

facthedidn’thaveabeardordarkhairanymore.”Shewavedthebottleandputitdown,
switchingitfortheglassbeforechanginghermindagain.“Fine,whatever.Hewasstill
cute.IsuckedupthefactI’dspentthirtyminutesgettingsympatheticlooksbecause
everyonethoughtIwasbeingstoodup.Youknowwhat?IwishIhadbeen!”

Oh,boy.

“So,hefinallysitsdown.Weordertwodrinksandourmeals.Herefusestoget

startersoradessertbecauseoftheprice,andthat’sthefirsthinthe’satotalfuckboy.”

I“hmmed”inagreement.

“Hedoesn’taskwhatIdoorhowIam.Hedoesn’tevenapologizeforbeinglate.

Insteadhelaunchedintoamonologueabouthowstressedheisatworkandhowlonelyhe
issincehispetrabbit,Cheeto,died.”

“HenamedarabbitCheeto?”

Sheheldupapink-tippedfinger.“Nottomentionhisbudgies,BenandJerry,are

fightingcolds.”

“Budgiesgetcolds?”

“Apparently.So,he’sheartbrokenoverCheeto,BenandJerryaresick,and

honestly,IwantedtoaskhimifhehadanantfarmcollectivelynamedtheSourPatchKids
orsomethingequallyridiculous.”

“Youdidn’t?”

“No.”

“Youmissedatrickthere.”

“We’renotallunfilteredlikeyou.”

“I’mnotunfiltered.”Ipaused.“I’m…quick-witted.”

Sheraisedaneyebrowatme,settingthewinebottledown—andleavingitthere

insteadofpickingitbackuplikeshedidbefore.“Sure.Quick-witted.That’sonewayto
describeit.”

“WhydidIletyouin?”

JaydawavedtheTwizzlerpacketatme.

“Shutup,”Imuttered,snatchingitoffher.“Tellmetherestofthedate.”

“WheredidIgetto?Oh,yeah—thesickbudgies.”Shewedgedthetubofice-cream

ontoherlapandwriggled.“So,Iapologized,butbeforeIcouldaskhimanything,hedove
intoaspielabouthowhismotherneverlovedhim.”

Ohdeargod.

“Whatdidyoudo?”

“Idownedmywineandexcusedmyselftothebathroom.Marciesentthenewbar

girlintotellmetorunonhersignal.”

“What?Why?”

“Marciecorralledhimtowardthebarwiththepromiseofafreedrink,because

she’dheardhissadtale,andneededanewwhiskeytriedout.”

“Diditwork?”

Jaydanodded.“IlefttothesoundsofhimregalingMarciewithataleabouthowhis

motherkickedhisfirstcat,Noodles.”

“Idon’tknowifthebiggerconcernishisobsessionwithanimalsorhismotheror

thewayhenamesthem.”

“Thenames.Nogrown-assmanshouldeveradmittohavingacatnamedNoodles

unlesshissisternamedit.”Shesighed.“IthinkI’mdestinedtobesingleforever.”

“No,you’rejustlookinginthewrongplaces.I’mstartingtofigureoutthatonline

doesn’tmeansuccess.”

“Starting?”

“Wantmetomakeyoufeelbetteraboutyourlife?”

Shenodded.“That’salwayshelpful.”

Sighing,Igotupoutofbedandwenttofetchmylaptopfromdownstairs.WhenI

hadit,Iwentbackupandsatonthebed,loadingitup.“IcheckedmymessagesbeforeI
wenttoworkthismorning.Someofthemweresobad…Andnotevenjustbad,butsome
ofthemwerethegrossestthingsever.”

“Well,Ihaven’thadthosethisweek.Iguessthat’saplus.”

“Nokidding.Okay,here.”Iloggedintothedatingwebsiteandwenttomymessage

box.“Lookatthisguy.“Kinkysubforyoutokeepinchastityandmakeyourlittlebitch.”
Andifitwasn’tenough,checkthepictures.”

Iclickedononeandlookedaway.

“Ohgod,myeyes!Theyburn!Getitoff!”

Iwincedatthe…portly…gentlemanwearingnothingbutleatherstrapsandacollar

onhiskneesandhitthe‘x’buttononthepop-up.

“Ihavetwoquestions,”Jaydasaid,peeringatthescreenfrombetweenherfingers.

“Thefirstoneis,whydoyougetthoseandIdon’t?”

“Doyouwantthem?”

“Shit—please,no.”Shesnorted.“Mynextquestionis,whydotheykeepcomingto

you?What’sinyourprofilethatisn’tinmine?”

“Dunno.Doyouthinkit’sthebuilderthing?”

“Maybe.Mr.KinkySubsoundlikehewouldn’tmindyouscrewinghimintoa

wall.”

Istilled.

Turningtoslowlymeethereyes,thetwinkleinthemkilledmewithinseconds.We

bothburstoutlaughing,andIreachedformynow-emptywineglass.

“Damnit.”

Jaydawavedthebottle.“I’llpouritifyoutellmeaboutthenewguyintown.”

“BrantleyCooper?”

“Ishethetwinsguy?”

“Uh,yes.”

“Jesus,”shemuttered.“Evenhisdamnnameishot.”

Isnatchedthewineoutofherhand.“Youshouldseehisass.”

“Doyouneed,uh,anassistantnextweek?”

“HiskidswerefightingwhenIgotthere,thendrewonthewallsrightbeforeIleft.”

ChapterFour

Afteraweekofrunningbackandforthbetweenmybookedjobsandtaking

measurementsatBrantley’s,IwasmorethanreadytogettoworkonEllie’sroomtoday.

I’dworkedoutafullgameplanwithmydadatFridaydinnerandseenhisplansfor

thebeds.He’dbeenthrilledtoworkonsomestuffforlittlekids,andhadpromptly
remindedmethathe’dbeenmarriedtomymotheratmyage.

Mystepmomhadthenreassuredme—outofearshot—thattherewerewaymore

fuckboysinmygenerationandnottoworryaboutit,butbabieswouldbenicesoon
enough.

So,withthelittlenuggetofinformationthatmyparentswantedmetohousea

humanbeinginmyuterusprettysoon,IgotintomytruckandheadedtowardtheCooper
house.

IwasarmedwithallthethingsIneededtosoakoffwallpaper.Notonlywaseight-

twentypracticallythemiddleofanightonaMonday—andcertainlynotatimemybrain
wasabletofunctionpast“coffee”—butremovingwallpaperwastheworst.Tedious,
messy,andtime-consuming,Ihatedit.

Nobodytellmydad.

Still,Iwasready.Attheveryleast,themonotonousscrapingagainstthewallwould

hopefullydothesamethingtomybrain.Scrapeawaythedreadfulandslightlypainful
messagesI’dbeenreceiving.

Oh,that’sright.

Mr.KinkySubasJaydahadnamedhimwasn’tinfacttheworst.

Nope,thatwasMr.Hammer,whomessagedmeaveryslick,“You’reabuilder.I’m

abuilder.Wannahammeraholethewalltogether?”

Andtothink—I’dalmostbeenexcitedabouttheacknowledgmentthatIwas,in

fact,abuilder,andnotasecretary.

Ishouldhaveknownitwouldbetoogoodtobetrue.

ItookadeepbreathasIpulledintotheemptydrivewayoftheCooper’shouse.It

didn’tlookasifanyonewashere,andthathadbeenparthecourseforthepastweek.
We’dcollidedonce,briefly,andthathadn’tevenbeenatthehouse.I’dbeenusingthe
sparekeyunderthepotofflowersnexttothedoorallweek.

Ihatedthat.Ialwaysfeltlikesomeonewaswatchingmepickitupandputitback.

Thismorningwasnodifferent.

Ihoppedoutofthetruckandcheckedmyphone.I’dbarelyglancedupfromitwhen

IsawMr.AckermanwalkinghiselderlyDoberman,Dixie.

“Goodmorning,Kali,”hesaidinhisthroaty,shakyvoice.“Workingforournice,

youngneighbor?”

“Goodmorning,Mr.Ackerman.”Ismiled.“Yes,sir,Iam.”

“Good,good.Lovelyyoungman.Cutekids,too.He’dbegoodforyou.”

Ahh,thereitwas.“Thatwouldbecompletelyunprofessionalofme.”

“Onlywhenyou’reworkingforhim.”Hecackled,winked,andtippedhisever-

presenttweedcapatme.“Haveagoodday,Kali.”

“You,too,Mr.Ackerman.”Ismiledashewalkedpastthecar,awhistlefillingthe

air.Whenhe’dgonefarenoughthathecouldn’tseemeandnobodyelsewasaround,I
bentdownandretrievedthelittle,silverkeyfrombeneaththealmost-emptyflowerpot.

Itclickedinthedoor,andwhenIpusheditopen,Idroppedthekeyinthebluedish

onthesidetableandheadedbackformythings.SinceIknewitwouldtakemethebest
partofthedaytostripoffthewallsandfigureoutthestateofthembeneaththatpaper,I’d
onlybroughtthatstuffwithme.

Idraggedtheboxinside,shutthedoor,andheadedupstairs.Iwasusedtothehouse

beingquiet—aBarbiedollonthestairs?Notsomuch.

“Fucker!”Isnapped,hissingasthesharpfeelofthedoll’snosedugintotheballof

myfoot.

Youknowwhat?EveryonealwayssaidaboutLegobeinghelltostepon—they

neversaidadamnwordaboutBarbie’sface.

IwonderhowshefeltwheneverKenwantedheronhisface.

Ouch.

Igentlynudgedthebitchdolltothesideandfinishedmyjourneyupthestairsand

intoEllie’sroom.

MakingsuretherewerenooffendingBarbiesonthefloorinhere,Iputmybag

down,andgottowork.

***

“ButIwannajooooosh!”

Istartled,turningtowardthedoor.

“Getinside,please,”Brantley’svoiceechoedupthestairs.

“I.Wanna.Joosh!”

“ElijahCooper,getinsiderightthissecond.”

“No!”

Wide-eyed,Iscrapedapieceofwallpaperoff.

“Fine,thenyoucanstandoutsideonthefrontstepsandeveryonewillseehowsilly

youare.”

Thedoorshut.

MyjawdroppedandIlookedEllie’sbedroomdoor.

Didhejustshuthimoutside?

Bangingagainstsomethingdownstairsconfirmedthattobetrue.

“Dad!Daddy!Daddy,pweaseletmein!”Eli’svoicegrewthicker.“Daddy!”

Thedooropened.“Areyougoingtocomeinnicelynow?”

Ididn’thearhisresponse,butIheardBrantleysay,alotquieter,“Now,asknicely

forajuiceandI’llgetyouon.”

Iheardnothingmore,soIwentbacktoscrapingthepaperoffthewall.

“IsthatKawi’scaroutside?”Ellie’slittlevoiceasked.

“Yes.”ThesoundofcupboardsopeningandclosingaccompaniedBrantley’svoice.

“She’sinyourroomrightnow.”

Shegasped.“CanIgosayhi?”

Hesitation,andthen,“No,letherwork.”

“Iwannasayhiiiiii.”

“Iwanttoputthegroceriesaway,butsometimesitsucks,okay?I’msureshe’ll

comedownandsayhisoon.”

“Iwannasayhinow.”

Isqueezedmyeyesshut.Ugh—Ididn’tlikekids.Ineverhad,evenwhenIwasa

kid.ButhereIwas,contemplatinggoingdownthererightnow,becauseherlittle,lispy
voicewasmakingmewantto.

“Ellie…”

Iputdownmyscraperonthewindowsillandturnedtogodownstairs.Honestly,I

neededsomewateranyway,soitkilledtwobirdswithonestone.

“Daddy…”

“Hey,”Isaid,steppingslowlyintothekitchen.“DoyoumindifIgetsomewater?”

Brantleyturnedtolookatme.Reliefflittedacrosshisface,mixedwiththehintof

happiness.“Hi—ofcourse.Therearesomebottlesinthefridge.Didwedisturbyou?”

“Notatall,”Ihalf-lied.“Thanks.”IgrabbedabottleandlookedatEllie,smiling.

“Hey,Ellie.Hey,Eli.”

Eli’seyeswidened.“Hi.”Helookedaway,atthefloor.

“Hi,Kawi!”Elliebouncedontheballsofherfeet.“Areyoudoingmybedwoom?”

“I’mpullingallthehorriblepaperoffthewalls.”Iuncappedthewater.“Doyou

wannacomesee?”

Elinarrowedhiseyesandansweredbeforeshecould.“Didyoudomywoom?”

“Notyet.Oneroomatatime.”

“WhyyoudoEwwie’sfirst?”

“Eeniemeenieminymo,”Ianswered,keepingmyexpressionstraight.“Nexttime,

I’lldoyoursfirst,okay?”

Heside-eyedme,puttingthestrawofhisjuiceboxinhismouthandsuckingonthe

applejuiceinsteadofansweringme.

Ellierolledhereyes.“He’ssogwumpy.CanIseemywoom?”

Theirinabilitytosay‘r’correctlywasnothinglessthancompletelyadorable.

Justlikethedimplethatindentedherrightcheekwhenshegrinnedhopefullyatme.

IglancedatBrantley.

Heshruggedashoulder.“Aslongasit’snotdangerous.”

“NothingcanbemoredangerousthanmyshockwhenIstompedonBarbie’sface

thismorning.”

“Welcometomylife.”Hesmirked,histurquoiseeyesglintingenticingly.

Lord,Ihopeditwasn’t.

“Comeon,Ellie.”Imotionedforhertofollowme.“Justlook,okay?Don’ttouch.”

“Okay,Kawi.Notouching.”

“That’sright.”Ifoughtthesmileashertinystompsfollowedmeupthestairs.“See?

It’snotgreat.Justthepaperfromthewalls.”

Shesighedheavily.“Ifortyoumightbedone.”

Ilaughed.“No,notyet.It’sgoingtotakeacoupleofweeks.”

“Howmanysweepsisthat?”

“Sweeps?”

“Yeah.Sweeps.”Sheputherhandstogetherbetweenhershoulderandheadand

fake-snored.

“Ahhh.Sleeps.”Inodded,pickingmyscraperupinmyrighthandandmysponge

frommybucketintheleft.Isqueezed.“I’mnotsure.Sometimesitdoesn’tgorightsoit
takesabitlonger.CanItellyouwhenI’mnearlydone?”

Sheblinkedatme.“’Kay,butnottoowong,okay?”

“Okay.”

“Areyoudoingmywoomfirst?”

“I’mdoingbothyoursandEli’satthesametime.”

Shewrinkledupherface,causinghernosetocrinkleinthemostadorableway.“I

wantminefirst.”

IpressedmyspongeagainstthewallandputitbackinthebucketbeforeIscraped

thepaper.“Sorry,Ellie.It’sfairifIdothematthesametime.Besides,Ineedtoletyour
wallsdrybeforeIcangetthemreadytopaint.It’salotofwork,soit’seasierifIshareit.”

Shesniffed.“Whatareyoudoingwightnow?”

“Gettingridofthisoldpaper.See?”Ipulledthescraperawayandtooktheedgeof

thedamppaperbetweenmyfingers.Ipulleditdown,tearingitawayfromthewalland
dumpingitontothefloor.

“Wow,”shewhispered.“CanIhadago?”

Thewayshespokekilledme.“Atpullingthepaper?”

“Allofit.”

Ishookmyhead.“Thescraperissharp.Comesee.”Ibenttoonekneeandheldit

up.“Muchtoosharpforlittlegirls.Whydon’tyouhaveagowiththesponge,I’llscrape,
thenI’llletyouripsomepaperoff?”

Sheclaspedherhandsinfrontofherbody,swayed,andlookedaway.

Contemplationcrossedhertinyfeaturesbeforeshegrabbedherdress.“Mydwessmight
getdirty.”

Theprincessroommadealotofsense.

“Nope.Andifyou’recareful,itwon’tevengetwet.”

“Areyousure?”

“Sureassurecanbe.”

Shesighed.“Okay,butifmydwessgetswetordirty,I’mtellingDaddy.”

“Ican’targuewiththat.Grabthesponge,”Iinstructed.“Andsqueezeitreally,

reallyhard.”

Ellieliftedthespongeashighasshecouldandsqueezed.

Watersplashed.

Everywhere.

Shesquealedasitsplattedherdress.

“Okay,notthathigh.”Iloweredherhands.“Rightthere.It’sokay,it’sjustwater.

It’lldry.”

Shelookedatmedubiously,buttriedagain,albeitwithafewscathinglooksatthe

wetspotsonherveryprettydress.“Likethis?”

“Yes!”Ismiledasshesqueezedthesponge’sexcesswateroutacoupleinches

abovethebucket.“Now,rubthisbitofwallhereandgetthepaperwet.Youmighthaveto
doitacoupletimes.”

Shescootedover.

Shekickedthebucket.

Ijustcaughtitbeforeitsplashedeverywhere—notthatitsavedmybootedfeet,of

course.

Awesome.Inowhadtospendtherestofthedaywithwetshoesandwetboots.

“I’msowwy!”Ellielookedatmewithwideeyes.“Ididn’tseeit!”

ReasonnumbertwoIdislikedkids.Theydidn’t“see”anything.

“It’sokay,”Isaid,movingthebrightredbucketoutofthetinytornado’spathof

destruction.“It’sjustwater,right?Youshouldwashthewallnowbeforethespongegets
toodry,okay?”

“Okay.Here?”

“Rightthere.”

Elliewipedthespongeacrossthewallafewtimes.“Wetenuss?”

Itouchedmyfingertipstoit.Onlyjust.“Perfect,”Isaidtoher.

Shegrinned.

“Fingersouttheway,”Iinstructed.“Justincase.”

Sheheldherarmsaboveherhead…Anddroppedthespongeintothebucket.Water

splatteredupmyleg,butIignoreditandscrapedthedamppaperdownthewalluntilit
wasbigenoughforhertograb.

“Okay,now,grabit.”Igentlyhelditout.

Shepincheditwithherfingerandthumb.Slowly,shepulled,leaningbackwardsas

sherippedthepaperfromthewall.

“Careful.You’regoingto—”

Thud.

Shehitthegroundwithherfullweight,herbuttslammingintothefloorandrocking

thealready-unsafefloorboard.Shestaredupatmewithwideeyes,thebitofwallpaper
tuckedsafelyinthepalmofherhand.

Footstepsthunderedupthestairs.

“Whatthe—”Brantleystormedintotheroom,stoppinginthedoorway,gripping

eitherside,andstaringatusbothbeforehisgazehomedinonEllie.“Ellie!”

“Look,Daddy!Ihelping!”Shegrinnedandheldupthebitofwallpaper.“Kawisaid

Icouldpullthepaperofft!”

Heblinkedather—againandagain.Finally,heturnedhisgazetome.Itwasn’t

angryorannoyed,just…mildlyamusedandcurious.

“Shewantedtopullthepaperoff.Itriedtotellhershe’dfall,thenshefell.Shetore

italittletoofast.”Ipinchedtwofingerstogether.

Hesighed,runninghishandthroughhishair.“Damn,”hebreathed.“Thatgirl.I

swear.”

“Areyouangwy?”Elliewhispered.

“No,princess.No.”Brantleycameovertoherandcroucheddown,kissingthetop

ofherhead.“Iheardabangandgotscared.Maybeyoushouldcomedownforasnackand
letKalifinishherworknow.”

“WhatifKawi’shungry?”

“Ihavealunchdatewithmybestfriend,”Ireassuredher.“Don’tworry.I’llgofor

anhourthenI’llberightback.”

Ellielookedatme.“CanIhelpyouaster?”

IlookedtoBrantleyforconfirmation.Iwasn’tafanoftheidea,butifsheagreedto

pullthepaperslowlyandcarefully,Icouldn’tsayno.

“Paperonly,”hesaidtoher.“AndyoudoexactlywhatKalisays.”

Inoddedtoagree.

“AndyoueatyourfruitsnackandallyourlunchupbeforeIsayyes,”Brantley

agreed,slidingherhairbehindherear.“Isthatadeal?”

Elliesighedheavilybeforeholdingoutherlittlehand.“That’sadeal.”

ChapterFive

AndthatwashowIendedupwithtwohelpersonTuesdaymorning.

Apparently,justtakingonetwinwasn’tenough.ThankstoEllie’shelpyesterday,

I’dbarelygottenthroughherroom,nevermindstartingEli’sthewayI’dplannedto.

However,todaywasanewday,andthatnewdayinvolvedBrantleyjoiningmewith

ascraperandspongewhilethekidsusedtheirfaceclothsandplastic,toykniveshe’ddug
outofoneofthemountainsofboxes.

Itwasawkward.Ididn’tenjoyhavinghelpwhenIwasworkingunlessitwas

someoneinthebusinessormydad,butitwasevenworsewhentheguyhelpingmewas
ashotasBrantley.

AllthehotguysIknew,I’dknownforyears.Wewerefriends,andasidefrom

misplacedteenagecrushesandafew—ahem—slightlyinappropriateadultfantasiesI’d
sincegrownoutof,Icouldn’tseethemthatwayanymore.Ourrelationshipwasmostly
businessnow,anditwasprettyobviousthatmydatinglifewasseverelylackinginthehot
guydepartment.

Well,thedecenthotguydepartment.

Nottomentionwehadnothingtotalkabout.Ididn’tknowadamnthingabouthim,

andaftermyfoot-in-mouthmomentyesterday,Iwasafraidtoask.

Honestly,I’dprobablymeantosay,“Howareyou?”anditwouldcomeout,“How

bigisyourcock?”

That’sjustthewayitwasforme.

Anditwasn’ttheleastbitappropriatewiththetinypeopleontheothersideofthe

room.Whoweremakingabsolutelynoprogresswiththeirpaperscraping.Butthenthey
wereusingbrightpinkandblueplasticknives,sowhatdidIexpect?

“So,”Brantleysaid,breakingtheagonizinglyawkwardsilencethathadlingered

betweenusforalmostanhour.“Whatmadeyougointobuilding?Handywork?Whatdo
youcallit?”

“Handywork,generally,becausewedoabitofeverything.”Ipeeledalongstripoff

paperoffthewall.

God,itwassosatisfying.Almostcomparabletoanorgasm.

Jesus.Ineededtogetlaid.Oralife.

PreferablyalifeinwhichIgotlaid.Regularly.

“Interesting.Yourdadisacarpenter?”

Inodded.“Helovesitall,butthat’shistruepassion.He’sthereasonIdothis.”

“It’sdifferent,don’tyouthink?I’venevermetanywomanwhowantedtogointo

thisfield.”

“Differentisawordforit,”Isaidslowly.“Idon’tthinkit’sthecareerIchose.More

inthatitchoseme,andIfellinlovewithitasayounggirl.Now,Icouldn’timaginedoing
anythingelse.Idon’tthinkIcoulddoanythingelse.”

“Really?Youwouldn’tdoanythingelse?”

“I’mgonnabeasuperhewo,”Elisaid,knockingtheknifeagainstthewall.

Ellieblewaraspberry.“Youcan’tfwy,”shesaidinthatwayonlyfour-year-oldscan

—sarcasmandsasswrappedupininnocence.“Superhewoshavetofwy.”

“Nottrue,”Brantleyreplied.“Mostofthemcan’tactuallyfly.”

Eligrinned.“IneedacapeandthenIcan!”

“Capesdon’tmakeyoufwy!”Ellieshouted,pointingherplasticknifeathim.

“Magicmakesyoufwy!”

“Superhewosaren’tmagic!They’resuper!”

Well.Thatwasagoodargument.

“Superhewosarestupid,”Elliecarriedon.“Whowantstobebeatenupbybad

guys?Youshouldbeapwincessinstead.”

Eliwrinkledhisfaceupasiftheideawascompletelydisgusting.“Onlygirlsare

pwincesses!”

“ThenI’llbeapwincessandyoucan’tcomeinmycastle!”

“I’lldestroyyourcastle!”

“Okay!”Brantleyputdownhisscraperandsteppedbetweenthem,thencrouched

down.“Ellie,ifyouwanttobeaprincess,beaprincess.Butit’sonlynicetoletyour
brotherinyourcastle,okay?AndEli—ifyoudestroyhercastle,thatmakesyouasuper-
villain,notasuper-hero.”

Elifrowned.

“You’llbeLokiandnotThor.”

“Idon’twannabeWoki,”hesaidinasmallvoice.“Ewwie,ifyouwetmeinyour

castle,Iwon’tbreakit.”

Ellienarrowedhereyes.“Willyousavemycastlefromsuper-viw—super…bad

people?”

Brantleyfoughtasmile.

“Onlyifyouhavecandy.”

“Okay.Ihavecandy.”

“Shakehands,”Brantleyordered.“Thenit’sthelaw.”

Iraisedmyeyebrows.Thelaw?Wasn’tthatslightlyextreme?

Theirlittlehandsmetinthemiddleandtheyshookthreetimes.

“Dotheyevernotfight?”Iaskedwhenherejoinedme.

Heopenedhismouthtoanswer,thenpaused,lookingfromthetwinstome,clearly

consideringhisanswer.“Idon’tknow…It’sbeenalongtimesincewehadadaywithout
fighting.They’resosimilar,Idon’tthinktheyknowhownottodisagree.”

Thatmadesense.“Well,Ihavetoadmitthat’sthestrangestargumentI’veeverbeen

privyto.”

Hedippedhisheadashepickeduphisscraperandlaughedquietly.“Don’tputyour

expectationssolow.There’severychanceyou’llhearsomethingwayweirderthanthat
beforeyou’redonehere.”

“Really?”

Helookedmedeadintheeyeandsaid,“Lastnight,afterbathtime,wehadan

argumentoverwhohasthebestgenitals.”

Iblinkedathim.“Thebest…genitals,”Iechoed.

Whatthehell?

“Eliinsisteditwashisbecausehecanplaywithit.Itoldhimwe’drevisitthis

conversationintenyears.”

Isnorted,quicklyclappingmyhandovermymouthtodisguisethedreadfulnoise.

Brantleyhadcaughtit,though,andheflashedmeaquicksmirk,histurquoiseeyes

shiningwithmirth.Then,heturnedaway,backtothewallhe’dbeenworkingon.

Mystomachflippedcompletelyinappropriatelyatthebriefeyecontactwe’dhad

then.

Iswallowedhadandfocusedbackonmywork.

Thesoonerthisroomwasdone,thesoonerIgotmyspaceback.

***

Hourslater,allthepaperwasoff,andthefirstcoatofbasepaintwasonEllie’s

room.Anobnoxiousshadeofgreenhadbeenthepaintbeneaththepaper—yellowandred
inEli’sroom—anditwasgoingtotakeseveralcoatsofwhitejusttocoveritup.

Ihadn’tbeenanticipatingthat.Andthatlittledetailhadscrewedwithmyplan,

becauseIneededatleastonemoredaytogetthatdone,whichpushedbackmytimeline
byprobablytwoorthree.Therewasn’tachanceinhellIwasputtingthatfloorinuntilthe
wallsweredone,done,done.

IyawnedasIdumpedmystuffinthebackofmytruck.I’dleftthepaintandroller

aftercleaningitinthebathroom,becauseIknewthatwouldbemydaytomorrow:
paintingandmorepainting.

WhatIneededrightnowwasahotshower.Myshoulderskilledfromallthe

scrapingandholdingmyarmsabovemyhead,andmyneckwasachingfromit,too.

Andanap.God,Ineededanap.Orthree…orfour…

ThemostterrifyingthingaboutthiswasthefactIkeptwondering…WouldIhaveto

battlethekidsallthetime?OrdidBrantleyhearmysilentquestionstokeepthemaway?
Soonenough,I’dbedoingmoreworkandbringingotherpeopleintofitthefloorsanddo
theelectrics.Ihadmyfriend,Eric,cominginonWednesdaytolookovertheelectricsof
theirrooms.

Withanyluck,he’dkeepthemoutoftheway.

Ihadaburningquestion:Whatthehellwashedoinghere,inRockBay?

Iknewhiswifedied,butwasthatenoughofareasontomovehere?Coloradoto

Californiawasn’texactlytheothersideofthecountry,butitwasfarenoughfromhis
family,whomIpresumedstilllivedinDenver.

Ihadnoplacewonderingit.Itwasnoneofmybusiness,butIhadabigissuewhen

itcametowhatwasmybusinessandwhatwasn’t.Moretothepoint:Ididn’tcare.Iwas
likeadogwithabonewhentherewasinformationtobehad,andIblamedthatonliving
insuchasmalltown.

Ialwayskneweverythingabouteverybody,sowhenIwasfacedwithasituation

whereIdidn’t…Ididn’tlikeitmuch.

Infact,Iwaskindatwitchyaboutit.

Brushitoff,Itoldmyself.Forgetaboutit.Itreally,reallywasnoneofmybusiness.

ItappedmyfingersagainstthesteeringwheelasIpulledintomydriveway.I

pushedthestickintoneutralandkilledtheenginewithatwistofthekey.Theechoofmy
keyringsastheyjingledthroughthecabofthetruck,andIsighed,sittingbackinmyseat.

Afterstaringatthesideofmyhouseforamoment,Ipulledmycelloutofmy

pocketandtextedJayda.

Me:Areyouatwork?

Jayda:Abouttostart.Got5.What’sup?

Me:TellmethatHotDad’sreasonsformovingherearenoneofmybusiness.

Jayda:HotDad’sreasonsformovingherearenoneofyourbusiness

Me:THANKYOU

Jayda:Buttheyaremybusiness

Me:Itakeitback

Jayda:WhydidHotDadmovehere?

Me:Idk.That’sthepoint

Jayda:Findout

Me:You’resupposedtobemakingsureIDON’T

Jayda:It’sHotDadorMr.KinkySub’s

Me:Don’teven

Jayda:IknowyourMatchPluspassword

Me:You’reabitch

Jayda:*devilemojis*

Ugh.

Ilockedmyphone,refusingtoreply,andhoppedoutofmytruck.Thiswasn’twhat

Isignedup.HadJaydaevenseenhim,orwassheoperatingsolelyontheRockBay
GossipVine?

Wait—no.Iknewtheanswertothat.She’dprobablybeengroceryshoppinganhour

afterhimandnowshewasafuckingexpertintheHotDad.

Damnmylife,Ineededtostopcallinghimthat.Itwasn’tgoingtohelpthe

awkwardnessIfeltaroundhim.

Ididn’tknowahotguythatwasn’tmyfriend.AndIabsolutelyhadnotimeinmy

lifeforsomeonewithchildren.

Hadn’tIjustturneddownaguyonthedatingsitebecausehehadakid?

Yes.Yes,Ihad.Iwasshallowandselfish,andIwasokaywiththat.Ididn’tpicture

mylifewithkidsinit.Iwasthepersonwho,whenasked,“Whenareyouhavingkids?”
said,“Never.Idon’twantthem.”

Atleast,notrightnow.Maybethatwouldchangeinthefuture,butrightnow,inthe

placeIwasinmylife,Iwashappywithmychoice.JaydawasdesperatetomeetMr.Right
andsettledown,butallIwantedwasMr.Oh-Right-Thereunlesshedidn’twantkids
either.

Iwasweird,andIwasokaywiththat.AtleastaccordingtoeveryoneinRockBayI

wasweird.

ButIwasahandywoman,soIwasautomaticallyweirdintheireyes.

Iletmyselfintomyhouse,dumpedmykeysonthesidetable,watchinglamelyas

theyslidoverthebackofthetableandontothefloorwithaclink.

“Whatever,”Imutteredtomyself,leavingthemthereuntilIhadtolockthedoor

later.

ThiswasRockBay.Theclosestthingtorobberythathadeverhappenedherewas

whenMr.Jenkinsforgothispants—outerandunder—andrandownthemiddleofMain
Streetwithhismanhoodswingingsidetoside.

Whatwasstolen?

Myeyesight.Albeitbriefly.

Actually,nowIthoughaboutit,Ididn’tthinkI’dbeenabletolookhimintheeye

fortwoyears.

Maybethatwasforthebest.

Ipulledwaterfrommyfridgeandstaredatthebottlebeforeopeningit.Iwastoo

tiredtoevendothat.Theworkhadbeenmorerigorous,mostlythankstothetwins’major
failatgettinganypaperatalloffthewallsandBrantleyhavingtofinallyleavemealone
togetitdone.

Brantley.

Turquoiseeyesflashedinmymind.

Ishookoffthethoughtandswiggedtheice-coldwater.BythetimeIswallowedit,

thememoryofhiseyeshaddisappeared,andImadetheexecutivedecisionintheLifeof
Kalitoorderpizzafromthelocalpizzaplace.

Tenminuteslater,Iwasonmysofainyogapants.Discardingthewaterforwine—

I’dgiveJesusarunforhismoneyifIdidn’thavetousemyfridgetochangeit—Iputmy
achyfeetonmycoffeetableandleanedrightbackagainstthebackcushions.

WithFriendsseasonfiveonmyTV,Isetmyphoneonmylapandtappedthedating

site’sapp.

Thatwasmyfirstmistake.

Mysecondwasreadingmymessages.

Thefirstwasokay—cringey,butnotbad,asfarasitwent.

Thesecond?

“Hot,hornycuckoldforyouandyourdompartner.Willletyouchainmetoyour

floorwhilehefucksyouandpretendsI’myourboyfriend.”

Ihitdeletebeforemyfacehadwrinkledindisgust.

Yep.

ThatwasenoughMatchPlusfortonight.

Maybemyentireweek.

ChapterSix

TwodayspassedwithoutmeseeingeitherBrantleyorthetwins.Bythetime

Thursdaylunchtimerolledaround,I’dfinishedthebasecoatonEllie’sroomandwas
abouttostartthefinaltwocoatsinEli’sroom.EricwasinEllie’sroommeasuringher
floorandweighingupwhatheneededtodotofixitup.

“Kali?”HepokedhisheadinEli’sroom,hisdark-blondhairswishinginfrontof

hiseyes.“Ihavealunchmeeting.DoyoumindifIcomebackwhenI’mdone?”

Iputdownthepaintcanandlookedathimwithasmile.“That’sfine.You’re

workingonyourtime,notmine.”Iwinkedathim.“I’djustlikeEli’sfloordonesoIknow
whenIneedtofinishpainting.”

Heheldhishandsup.“Don’tworry,babe.I’vegotyoucovered.Itdoesn’ttakeme

halfaslongasittakesyoutofigureoutsomeflooring.”

“DoIlooklikeflooringismyexpertise?”

“No.”Hegrinnedlopsidedly.“Plentyofotherthings,though…”

Ithrewmycleaningragathim.Hecaughtitwithoneswiftmovementandtossedit

backtome.

“Don’tmakemetellmydaddyonyou,”Iwarnedhim.

“Yourdaddywouldmarryyouofftomeinaheartbeat.”

“Aslongasyoucouldabstainforsixmonthswithoutsexwithotherrandom

women.”

Hepaused.“Pointwellmade.Seeyouinninetyminutes?”

Ha.

Irolledmyeyes.“Seeyouthen,Eric.Comealone,won’tyou?”

“Ican’tpromiseI’llcomealone,butI’llsureshowupalone.”Hetossedmeawink

beforeheheadedoutofthedoor.

Somuchforthatbusinessmeeting.

Ishookmyheadanddippedthepaintbrushinthepaintandbeganthearduoustask

ofedgingaroundthebaseboardsbetweenthewallandfloor.Itwastheworstjob,andnot
oneIcouldscrewupevennow.Ihadtopaintthebaseboardseventually,andcleaning
themupwasnojoke.ThelesspaintIcouldgetonthemnow,thebetter.

I’dbarelytouchedbrushtowallwhenIheardthesoundofthedooropeningand

muffledvoicesdownstairs.SinceErichadn’tleftyet,ithadtobeEricandBrantley.

Crap.IhopedBrantleydidn’tmindI’dhadhimherewithouttellinghim.In

fairness,hewashappytoletmegetonwithit.AndbygetonwithitImeantnavigate
boxesuntilIreachedthetwins’rooms.

Imademyselffocusontheedgingabovethebaseboardsbeforethedoorshut

again.Silencereignedforafewmomentsbeforefootstepssoundedonthestairs.Itwas
suspiciouslyquietforthemiddleoftheday.

Wherewasthesquabblingofthekids?Whyweren’ttheyyellingateachother?

ThatwastheirM.O.,afterall.

“Hey,”Brantley’svoicecamefromthedoorway.“Howareyoudoing?”

Ishiftedfrommykneestomyassandlookedoverathim.Damnit,helookedgood

inawhitepoloshirtandlight,rippedjeans.“Hey—good.You?”

“Good.”Hepaused,pursingthosefulllipsofhis.“Shit,it’squiet.”

“Thatwasmynextquestion,”Isaidteasingly.“Didyouleavetheminthecandy

aisleatIrma’sstore?”

Helaughed,adeep,richsoundthatsentgoosebumpsupmybarelegs.“No.I’m

sureshewouldn’tappreciatethat.”

“Idon’tknow.It’dgiveMr.Picklessomethingelsetochasethancustomers’

ankles.”

“Mr—oh,thatcat.”

“Ah,you’vemetthetown’sresidentsweetheart.”

Anotherlaugh.“Fortunately,Iwaswearingjeans.Protectedmyselfwell.”

“Smart,”Iagreed.“Wherearethetwins,ifnotterrorizingMr.Pickles?”

“Trialafternoonatdaycare,”hesaidslowly.“NopreschoolinRockBay

apparently.”

Ishookmyhead.“NothinguntilKindergarten.Notenoughkidsinthearea.Are

theyatSummer’s?”

“Howdoyou—nevermind.Smalltown.”Hislipsquirked.“Wouldyoubelieveshe

kneweverythingaboutmebeforeI’devenwalkedthroughthedoor?”

Idraggedmylowerlipbetweenmyteeth,grinning.

Hiseyesflickereddown.

Ithink.

Damn,I’dbeenlookingatplainwallsfortoolong.

“Absolutely.Halfthetownprobablyknowyoursecuritynumberandbirthweight

bynow.”

Hiseyeswidened,makingtheturquoisehueofhisirisesseemtentimesbrighter.

“Seriously?”

Theshockthatsaddledhisexpressionmademegiggle.“No.I’mmessingwithyou.

Butdon’tputitpastIrma…OrMarcieattheCoastal.”

Herelaxed,shouldersslumping,buthelaughedlightlyatthementionofMarcie.

“Ah,yes.Wejustmetforthefirsttime.Isawshedidtake-outlunchonmywayoutof

Summer’splace,andstoppedin.”

“Mycondolences,”Ioffered.“It’salwaysstressfultomeetMarcieforthefirsttime.

SoIhear.Andseewhenshedealswithpeople’sunrulydates.”

“Unrulydates?”Hequirkedadarkeyebrow.“Experiencewiththat?”

Iheldupahandandflutteredmyeyesshut.“Don’t.Just,don’t.”

Helaughed.“Storyforanothertime,right?”

“Sure,ifby‘anothertime’youmeannever.”

Alopsided,half-grintookoverhisface,makinghiseyessparkle.“Sheheardyou’re

workingforme—butyou’renotsurprisedatthat,areyou?”

“Aboutassurprisedasifyoutoldmethetemperatureoutsidefeelslikewe’re

halfwayupSatan’sass.”

Thatgrinturnedintoanotherboutoflaughter.Goosebumpstripledinquantityatthe

soundastheytookovermyarms.God,Iwouldn’tlookcolderifIwerenakedinthe
Arctic.

“Well,shegavemetwicetheamountoffoodsheshouldhave,andorderedmeto

makesureyouwerewellfed.Apparently,she’sabletomakemewishIwasneverbornifI
don’t.”

“She’sfeisty.”

“Nokidding.Thanksforthewarning.”

“WritemealistoftheplacesyouneedtogonextandI’llgiveyoutherundown.”I

grinned.

“I’llmakesureIdo.”Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest.“So,Ihavelunchforyou

downstairs.Itbeatseatingalone.Caretojoinme?”

Iglancedoverhimquickly.

I’dhadworseoffers—anddates,lately.Notthatthiswasadate.No,thiswasMar—

Shitthebed.Sheknewwhatshewasdoinghere.

IwasgoingtokickherassnexttimeIsawher.

Justnottoohard.‘Cause,youknow.Shesavedmyassmoretimesthansheneeded

herskicked.

“Letmefinishupthisedging,thenI’llmeetyoudownstairs,”Isaid.“Isthatokay?”

Henodded.“Shesaidit’syourfavorite.”

“Ohmygod,shemadeherpasta?”

“Iaskedherwhatwasthebest,andshesaidthepastayoulove.”

Ibittheinsideofmycheek.“IsitunprofessionalifIsayscrewit,I’llfinishthis

afterpasta?”

Asmilecreptbackontohisface.“Iwon’ttellifyoudon’t.Takeitasmyapology

formykidsterrorizingyouatthestartoftheweek.”

“Iwouldn’tsaytheyterrorizedme,”Isaidslowly,layingmybrushonthesideof

therollertray.IsetthelidonthepaintcanandpusheditinjustenoughI’dbeabletopop
itoffagainwithouttrouble.

“You’retoonice.”Hiseyestwinkled.“Youcansayithowitis—Iwon’tbe

offended.Fuckknowstheyterrorizemeatsevena.m.everyday.”

“I’mmaintainingmystance,”Ireplied,tryingnottomeethiseyes,becauseIknew

I’dgetbutterfliesifIdid.

Therewassomethingaboutthewayhisdamneyessparkled.

“It’sbestifIfinishthisedging.”Ipickedthebrushbackup.“I’llbedowninafew

minutes.Idon’thavemuchleftonthiswall.”

HeglancedatthewallandwhereIwassitting.“Soundsgood.Ihavesomeworkto

handle—I’llkeepitwarm.”

“Youdon’thavetowaitforme.”

“Kali,”hesaid,smirking.“BythetimeIgetstuckintomyemail,you’lltheone

waiting.”

“Wow.Youknowhowtocharmalady.”

Helaughed.“Comedownwhenyou’reready.”Heturnedaway,givingmeanother

viewofthattightassofhis.

Isighed,turningbacktothewall.

Damn,thatass.

***

Twentyminuteslater,Imademywaydownstairs.

Brantleysatatthekitchentable,hisphonewedgedbetweenhisearandhis

shoulder,typingathiscomputer.“Yes,wellIcan’tdealwiththiscurrently.Ihaven’tyet
beentotheofficehere…Istillhaveaweek…Iunderstandthat,but—”Heglancedatme.
“Yes,sir.Understood.Canwecontinuethis?Ihaveaprivateappointmentrightnow…
Yes.Goodbye.”

Hepulledthephonefromitsperch,tappedthescreenandplaceditface-downon

thetable.Offeringmeatightsmile,heclosedthelaptopandpointedtothemicrowave.
“Sixtysecondsandit’llbeperfect.”

Iraisedmyeyebrows.“DidIinterruptanimportantcall?”

Hisnostrilsflaredasheinhaled,butheshookhishead.“Mybosstryingtogetme

backtoworkatmynewofficebeforeI’mableto.Theofficemanagedbeforeme,theycan
waitafewmoredaysuntilIcangetthere.”

“Thetwins?”Iaskedsoftly.

Hehitthebuttononthemicrowave.Thelightcameonwiththewhirrofthe

machine,revealingtwoofMarcie’spotsofpasta.“Yep.Itriedtosourceanannyaround
herebeforeImoved,butthatwassurprisinglydifficult.”

“Yeah,thereisn’talothere.”Islidintoaseatatthetable.

“Letmeguess,”hesaid,amusementtinginghistone.“There’snotamarketforit.”

“Ohmygod,howdidyouknow?”

Heglancedoverhisshoulder,darkhairalmostflippingintohiseyes,andsmirked.

“Luckyguess.”

Ilaughed,restingmychinonmyhand.Thetablewashardonmyelbow.“Summer

iswhowealluse.Itwashermombeforeher,andIthinkhermombeforeher.”

“IsthereanythinginRockBaythatisn’tafamilybusiness?”Brantleypulledthe

twotraysoutcarefully.Hespilledthepastaontotwoplatesbeforesettingtheminfrontof
mewithcutlery.

“Thankyou.”Iflashedhimthehintofasmile.“Actually,that’sagreatquestion.I

basicallytookaftermydadbecauseIdidn’thavemuchchoice.Ithinkthesamewasfor
Summer—herdadworkedalotsoshewasalwayswithhermom,thenworkedforher
whenshegotolder.Hmm.”Istabbedmyforkintosomepasta.“HaveyoubeentoCorkys?
TheIrishBar?”

“No.Ican’tsaythat’saplaceI’dlikethetwinstoexplore.”

“Becauseit’sabarorbecausethey’dterrorizeit?”

“BecauseIliketodrinkinpeace,”herepliedwryly,asmilematchinghistone

stretchingacrosshistone.

IfoughtnottosnortasIateandlaughedatthesametime.“Well,Corkysisn’t.

Paddy—nothisrealname,bytheway—openeditaboutfiveyearsago.Gotpissedoff
withallthefakeIrishintheNorth-East,apparently.”

“IthoughttheywererealIrish.”Brantleypaused.“Andisn’tthatironicgivenhis

fakename?”

“Kinda,buthe’sactuallyIrish.Accentandeverything.”

“Fairenough.Whatabouttheotherbusinessesintown?”

IateasIthought.“There’sDelia’sDiner.She’smoreontheroadoutoftown,but

stilltechnicallyinRockBay.HergrandmawasDelia,hermomDelilah,andherDella.”

“Iseethepatternthere.”

Irolledmyeyes.“It’sliketheKardashiansheardofthemandtriedtoout-name

them.”

“IcanhonestlysayIcouldn’tgivearatsassaboutthatfamily.”

“Youshouldtryit.It’sagreatstressreliever,becauseaslongasyouwatch,you

knowyourlifewillneverbeasmuchofatrainwreckastheirs.”

Brantleylaughed,sippingsomewater.“I’llrememberthat.Sorry—didyouwanta

drink?I’mnotusedtoguestswhodon’tdemandeverythinginsight.”

“I’mfine.”Mylipstwisted.“Anyoneelseintownyouwanttoknowabout?That

mightbeeasier.”

Heinclinedhisheadtome,eyestwinkling.“Mrs.SimpsonatthePostOffice.”

“Ah!Familybusinessthere,too.NobodybutaSimpsonhasrunthatofficefora

hundredyears.”

“Seriously?”

“AskMr.Ibetgeratthelibrary.”

Brantleyfinishedhislunchand,pushingittotheside,wipedathismouthwithhis

thumb.“Ihavenointentionofgoingnearalibrary,withorwithoutmykids.”

“Shame.HeknowseverythingthereistoknowaboutRockBay.”

“Areyousayingyoudon’twanttotellmeeverythingaboutthistown?”

Istilled.WhenImethiseyes,thenow-strangely-familiartwinkleofamusement

shinedbackatme.

Hewasteasingme.

Theshit.

“Absolutely,”Ianswered.“Thisconversationispositivelydreadful.Infact,if

Slughorn’shourglasswassittingbetweenus,it’dbemovingslowerthanasloth.”

“YetthesandwillstillfallquickerthanwhenIarguewithmykidsaboutthebenefit

ofdrinkingwateroverapplejuice.”

Oh.HejustPotteredme.

Sigh.

“Wellplayed,”Ireplied.Then,Isighed.“That’sreallyafightyouhave?”

“You’renotaroundkidsmuch,areyou?”Hesmirked.“It’sadailyconversation.I

couldrecordmyresponsesandshowerwhiletheargumenthappensatthispoint.”

“See—that’swhyI’mnotaroundkidsmuch.”Iputdownmyforkandwipedmy

mouthwithanapkinfromthecenterofthetable.“Thankyouforbringingbacklunch.”

Hehelduphishands.“ThankMarcie.Idon’tthinkIhadasayinthematter.”

“You’llfindyougenerallydon’twhereshe’sconcerned.Don’tworry.You’llget

usedtoit.”Istoodandpickedupmyplate.“Ineedtogetbacktoworknow.”

“Letmetakeit.”Hischairscrapedalongthefloorwhenhegotup.“Here.”Hetook

theplatefrommeandsetitnexttothesink.“Bytheway,Kali?”

“Yeah?”Ipaused,onefootinfrontoftheother.

“You’vegotalittle…”Hemotionedtohischeek.“Sauce.Onpaint.Righthere.”

Frowning,Irubbedatmycheek.

“No.Shit.Theothercheek.”Hetappedhisleftone.

Irubbedthere,too,butheshookhishead,clearlyfightingasmileifthetwitchingof

hislipswasanythingtogoby.

“No,holdon.”Heswipedanapkinandmovedtowardme.Mybreathhitchedwhen

hestoppedrightinfrontofme,justinchesfromme.Hissteadyhandheldthenapkin,and
myeyesfolloweditspathasitcamecloserandclosertomycheek.

Gently,hewipedovermycheek,rightbymyear.Hisgazeglancedtowardminefor

asecond.Onethatwassomehowlongenoughtomakemyheartstutter.

“Well,”hesaid,tiltinghisheadtogetabetterlook,“Igotthesauce.Ithinkthe

paintisdry.”

“Howdidthatevenhappen?I’mright-handed,”Imuttered,touchingmyfingersto

wherethenapkinhadjustbeen.

Lipscurved,hesteppedback,crumplingthepapertowelinhishand.“That’swhat

I’dliketoknow.”

“Letmeknowifyoueverfindout.”Imovedawayfromhim,closertothedoor.

“I’llbepainting.MaybeabitofdrillingtogetridofsomestuffinEli’swall.Letmeknow
ifIdisturbyou.”

Hewavedhishand,settinghisplateonthecounter.“Ifyoudisturbme,I’llgoout.I

canworkanywhere—youkindaneedtobehere.”

Overhisshoulder,heshotmeastomach-flippingsmilethatreachedhiseyes.One

thatmadehiseyesflashwithlaughter.Onethatputitselffirmlyinmy“MustResist”
book.

“Goodpoint.”

Heturned.

Oureyesmet.

Hewinked.

Me?

Ibasicallyranupthestairs.

ChapterSeven

“How’sitgoing?”Momputaboxofchocolatecookiesinhercart.Itlookedoutof

placeamongallthegreen,leafyvegthatshecurrentlyhadinthere.

Yes,Iwasgroceryshoppingwithmystepmother.Iwasguiltedintoitbymyfather

whoinsistedIputchipsinmycartthenputtheminhercar.HowhethoughtI’ddothat,I
didn’tknow.

“That’snotonyourdiet,”Ipointedout.

Shefluffedherhair.“Whatyourfatherdoesn’tknowandallthat.”

Igrabbedabagofhisfavoritechips.“Youknowthesearegoinginyourtrunk,don’t

you?”

“AndIshallpretendnottoknowwhenheunpacksthebags,”sherepliedsmoothly.

“That’smarriage,honey.Wepretendwedon’tknowthattheotherischeatingonour
agreedupondiet.”

Isnorted.“Ihopeweddingvowsarerewrittentoincludethat.”

“Youandwomeneverywhere.Now,tellmehowthisnewjobisgoing.IbelieveI

sawhiminthestoreyesterday.He’sveryhandsome,isn’the?”

“Ididn’tnotice,”Ilied,examiningthenutritionalvaluesofabagofCheetos.

Atleast,Ipretendedtoreadit.

Momsnatchedthebagoutofmyhand.“KaliHancock,don’tyoulietome.”

“I’mnot.”

“Yourearsareredderthanaboilinglobster.He’scute,huh?”

“He’salittleyoungforyou.”ItookbacktheCheetosanddumpedtheminmycart.

“Weallhavealittlecougarinus.”Shechuckled,grabbingabagforherself.

Wow.Talkaboutcheatingonthediet.

“One,ew.”Iwaggledmyfingerather.“Two,yes,okay,fine.He’shandsome.Are

youhappynow?”

“What’shedoinginRockBay?”

“Ah,well,thatIthinkIcananswer.”Ipaused.“Ikindaputmyfootinitthefirst

timewemet.”

Shemock-gasped.“Andyoudidn’ttellusatdinnerlastweek?”

“Ofcoursenot.YouweretoobusydroppinghintsatDadaboutyouranniversary.”

“Thanksfortheevening,bytheway.”

“You’rewelcome.Atleasthepaid.”

Shelaughed.“Alwaysabonus.Now,backtoBrantley.”

Iwasn’tevengoingtoaskhowsheknewhisname.Iwassurprisedshedidn’tknow

whyhewashere.“WeweretalkingafterI’dseentheroomsandIaskedhowheendedup
inRockBay.Hedoesn’thavefamilyhere,andhedoesn’thavearing,sonaturally…”

“Ohdear,Kali.”

“Ohdearisanicewaytoputit,”Iagreed.“Iputmyfootinmymouthandchewed

uptomydamnankle.Thetwins’momdiedtwoandahalfyearsago.”

“Poorthing,”shemurmured.“Andthosepoorbabies.Ishehereforafreshstart?”

Ishrugged.“Ididn’texactlycarryonthatlineofquestioning.IfiguredI’dscrewed

upenoughforonemeeting.Besides,it’snoneofmybusiness.”

“Doeshework?”

“Hementionedittoday.Somethingabouthisbosswantinghimtogoback.He’s

strugglingwithdaycareoptions.Ithinkhe’susedtohavinganannybackinDenver.”

“Hmm.”

Iside-eyedher.“What’sthatmean?”

“Ananny.Ifhecanaffordthatasasingleparent,hemustbequitefinancially

comfortable.”

“No.”Istoppedsmack-banginthemiddleoftheaisleandpointedmyfingerather.

“No,absolutelynot.Donotevengodownthatlineofthinking.”

Shegiggled,afake,tinklylaughticklingtheairbetweenus.“Whatlineofthinking,

honey?Iwouldn’tdare.”

“Work,Mom.It’sjustwork.Besides,IhaveadateonSaturdaynight.”

Shestoppedandjerkedherheadtowardme.“Youdo?”

“Yes.Iwasgivinguphopeafterabuilderaskedifwecouldhammersomethingelse

intothewall—”

“Ha!”shebarkedout.“That’sagoodone.”

Ishotherawitheringlook.“—WhenIgotanemailfromaperfectlyniceyoung

man—”

“Yousoundseventy.”

“—Whomightactuallybeworthtwohoursofmytime.”

Sherolledhereyes,carefullylayingeggsattheendofhercart.“Whateveryousay,

Kali.YouknowaswellasIdoyou’llrejecthim,too.Idon’tknowwhatyou’rewaiting
for,butunlessyouloweryourexpectations,Idoubtyou’lleverfindit.”

“What’sthepointofloweringmyexpectations?I’mworthmorethanthat.Lookat

me.Anyonewouldbeluckytohaveme.”

“Yourself-confidenceisadmirable,”sheadmitted.“Butyoushouldmakesureyou

don’thavepaintinyourhairbeforeyouproclaimthattotheworld.”

Istopped.Again.“Idon’thavepaintinmyhair…DoI?”

Momleanedoverandpickedaloosecurloutfrommylowponytail.“Righthere.”

Igrabbedthesamelockofhairandtuggeditintomyeyesight.

Damnit.Shewasright.Andthebright,whitepaintstoodoutlikeasoredamn

thumbagainstthedarknessofmyhair.

Sighing,Iflickeditbackovermyshoulder.“Well,Ican’tbeperfectallthetime.”

“Yep,”shesaidtoherself,grabbingabottleofwine.“You’reyourfather’sdaughter.

Nodoubtaboutit.”

Ismirkedatherback.

Really…Sheshouldn’thavebeensurprised.

Iwasn’t.

***

Fridaycameandwentwithoutfanfare.Ididn’tseeBrantleyatall.Thatwasn’tideal,

sinceI’dtakenoverorderingthefurnitureforhimtomakesureDadcouldmatchit,andit
wasallduefordeliverythenextday.

Aweekaheadofmyschedule.

Thehousewasstillcoveredinboxes,andIwasatotallossofwhattodo.Therewas

nowheretoputit,asfarasIknew.Ihadnoideawhatthegaragewaslikeoriftherewas
anyroomthere.Itwasobvioushiscross-countrymovehadbeendonebymovers,soIhad
noideahowmuchstufftherewasinthishouse.

Saturdaymorningdawnedbrightandearly.Tooearly.Mymomhadpliedmewith

herhomemadesangriaatfamilydinner,andonceagain,I’dmadebadchoices.

AtleastIdidn’thavesuchahugeheadache…Thistime.

Atextmessageatnine-thirtyalertedmetothefactthefurniturewouldbedelivered

inanhour.Thiswasatodds—surprise,surprise—withthethree-to-fivep.m.window
they’doriginallygivenmewhenthey’dtoldmeitwouldbedeliveredearly.

Becausewhynot?Ilovedgettingmywholeschedulescreweduptwice.

Ifilledmytake-outcoffeecupandtuggedupmyshorts.Itwashotashelloutside,

andIwasn’thappyabouthavingtoworktoday.I’dplannedtonotactuallydoathing
excepthelpDadwithEllie’sbed.

IsighedasIgotinmytruck.IdialedBrantley’snumberagain,butthecallrolled

overtovoicemailafterringing.

Awesome.Ilovedshowingupatclient’shousesunannounced.Unexpectedguests

wereaboutasenjoyableasaboutofhemorrhoids.

God,Iwaspessimisticthismorning.

Tenminuteslater,IpulledupoutsidetheCooperhouse.Hiscarwasinthedrive,

andmystomachrolledasIgotoutofthecar.

Ihopedthatwasbecauseoflastnight’ssangria.

Deargod,letitbethesangria.

IgrabbedmycoffeebeforeIshutthecardoorandwenttothefrontdoor.Itswung

openbeforeIcouldknock.

“Kawi!”Elliegrinned.“Hiya!”

“Ellie!”Brantleystalkedoutfromthekitchen,wearingnothingbutgraysweatpants,

slunglowonhiships.Hefiddledwithat-shirt,turningittherightwayaround.“What
haveItoldyou—Kali.Hi.”

Ifroze.

Jesus,wasthereapartofthismanthatwasn’tcompletelydelicious?

IblinkedseveraltimesasItookinthesightofhislean,tonedtorso.Perfectpecs,

lightlyshadedabs,adangerous‘v’thatteasedwaybelowthewaistbandofhissweats…

Hepulledonhist-shirt,coveringuphisbodyandforcingmetocomebacktothe

hereandnow.

“Hi,”Isaid,shakingmyselfoutofthedaze.“Sorry—Itriedtocall,butyoudidn’t

answerthephone.”

“Inside,”hesaidtoEllie,graspingherbytheshouldersanddirectinghertothefront

room.“Comein.Yeah,sorryaboutthat,”hesaid,gesturingformetofollowhiminside.
“Eliwasplayingagameonitthismorningandputitdownsomewheresafe,apparently.”

“Ah.”Isteppedinsideandclosedthedoor,thenwentwithhimtothekitchen.“I

havealotofsafeplaces.Notentirelysurewhereanyofthemare,though.”

Hesnorted,stirringinamug.“Ifyouwereafour-year-oldboywhohadtogive

backyourdad’sphone,wherewouldyouputit?”

Iblinked.“Wherealllostchangegoestodie.Downthebackofasofa.”

Brantleypaused,mid-stir.“Holdthatthought.”

Thespoonclinkedagainstthecountertopashedroppeditandwenttotheliving

room.Iwatchedhimgo,mygazedroppingtohisasstwotoomanytimesforittobe
appropriate.

Oh,whatever.Evenoncewasinappropriate,butstill.

Graysweatpants—sentfromthegodsfortheviewingpleasureofwomen

everywhere.

“You’reagenius,Kali.”Hereturned,phoneinhand.“Yougotalistofsafespaces

forfuturereference?”

Ilaughedandshookmyhead.“IfIhadalist,I’dknowwheretofindallthestuff

I’veputsomewheresa—damnit.IjustrememberedwhereIputmycreditcardbillsoI
wouldn’tloseit.”

Hislaughwasdeepandrich.“Whichis?”

“Myunderweardrawer.That’swhatIgetforbeinglazyandnotputtingthelaundry

away.”Isighedandleanedagainstthecounter.“Holdon,letmeemailmyselfthat.”

Morelaughter.“I’dofferyouacoffee,butIseeyoucameequipped.”HepausedasI

tuckedmyphoneaway.“Iwasn’texpectingyoutoday.”

“Well,Iwasn’texpectingtocomeeither,”Ireplied.“Butthefurnituredelivery

companyletmeknowthey’redeliveringtodayandnotnextweekasplanned.”

Heblewoutalongbreathandlookedaroundhelplessly.“Shit,”hewhispered.“I

havenoideawherethat’sgonnago.”

“Icalledthem,butit’salreadyonthetruckandit’sgonnabeherewithinthehour,

sotheyrefusedtoredeliver.”

“Didn’tyouspecificallypickthedatesoitcouldgorightupstairs?”

“Yeah…Uh,asasidenote,youshouldprobablygreetthemwhenitgetshere.Ithink

thedeliverynotemightbeawarningaboutthecrazy,angryladywhoorderedit.”Ibitthe
insideofmycheekwhenheraisedaquestioningeyebrow.“Offtheprofessionalrecord,
mymommighthavepliedmewithsangrialastnightandtheycontactedmeveryearly.”

Hestaredatme,turquoiseeyesshiningashislipscurvedintoanoh-so-sexysmile.

“Youdon’tlookhungover.”

“I’llwritetoSephoratothankthemfortheirflawlesscoverage.”

Hechuckledquietlyandshookhishead.“Allright—Ithinkwecandothis.Would

youjustgivemeahandinthegaragetomovesomestuffaroundtomakeroomforit?”

“Sure.Ipromise,I’llgetoutofyourhairassoonasit’sdeliveredandI’vechecked

itall.Itwon’ttakelong.”Ismiled.

Hehelduphishandsandbackedtowardthegaragedoor.“Don’tworry—Iplanto

donothingbuttrytogetthroughsomeoftheseboxes.Ifigureweshouldhavemorethan
onecupinthecupboardatthispoint.”

Thatwasahardfacttodisagreewith.“Youdogiveofftheimpressionyouplanto

leaveatanyminute.”

“Yes,well,aftermeetingthatdamnedcatatthegrocerystore,it’stempting.”

“Ah,you’vemadetheacquaintanceofMr.Prickles.”Isteppedintothegarage.

Fuck,itwaslikeasaunainhere.

Brantleywhackedaunitonthewall.Alightflashedanditwhirredtolife,instantly

shootingoutcoldair.“Damnthing,”hemuttered.“Prickles?IthoughtitwasPickles.”

“Itis.”Ismiled.“Pricklessuitshimbetter.”

Heliftedhissweatpantlegupandshowedmehisankle.Anangry,redscratch

decoratedit.“Nokidding.”

“Didyousteponhistail?”Iglancedatthescratchbeforemeetinghiseyesagain.

“No,Idaredtowalkinfrontofhim,”hesaiddryly.

“Ah.Yes,suchathingwillangerHisHighness.”

Hesnorted.“ItmightnothavebeenmyfinestmomentwhenItoldIrmathatifhe

scratchedmeagain,I’dkickhim.”

“Beenthere,donethat.”Inodded.“Accidentally,ofcourse.”

Hiseyestwinkled.“Ofcourse.”Weheldeyecontactforaminute—aminutethat

sentashiverdownmyspine.“Allright,”hesaid,breakingitandlookingaroundthefull
garage.“Ihavenoideawheretostart.”

Ipickedmywaybetweenboxes,goingupontomytiptoesandbalancingsoasnot

toknockoveraprecariouslybalancedstack.“Well,usuallyI’dbesnarkyandsaywe
shouldstartatthebeginning,buttheredoesn’tappeartobeone.Oramiddle.Oranend.”

Hislaughechoedoffthewalls.“You’renotwrong.Iwouldn’trecommendmoving

withtwins.Inhindsight,IwishI’dleftthemwithmyparentswhileImovedeverything
here.”

“Icanimagine.”Ismiledandstraightenedapileofboxes.“Okay.Let’sjustshift

somestuffaroundandseewhatroomwecanmake.”

“That’sexactlywhatIwashopingyou’dsay.Letmecheckonthetwins,thenI’ll

startatthisend.”

“Itissuspiciouslyquiet,”Isaidovermyshoulder.

“Exactly.”Brantley’slaughlingeredwhenhesteppedbackintothekitchen.

Ihadnoideahowhedidit.

Igotstartedonmovingtheboxes.Somewerelight,soIstackedthosefirst.They

werelabeledthemostrandomthings—towels,babyclothes,pillows,stuffedtoys.Itwas
chaos,toputitsimply.

Mindyou,ifIwerehim,it’dbechaos,too.Iguesskeepingtinyhumansalivewas

moreimportantthanunpackingstuff.

Ishiftedaboxagainstthewall,hittinganotherintheprocess.Ijustaboutmanaged

tograbitbeforeitfell,andsomethingclinkedinside.Thisonewasn’ttapedlikethe
others,andmyawkwardgraboftheboxhadthetopgapingopen.

Isetitdownontopofanother.Moreclinkingcamefrominsideit,andIpaused.

Apartofmewantedtocheckit,butatthesametime,itfeltlikeabitofaninvasion

oftheirprivacy.

Ipeeredovermyshoulder.Brantleywasstillinthehouse,soifIlookedquickly…

IopenedtheboxbeforeIcouldquestionmyself.Itwasfullofunwrappedphoto

framesandacoupleofvases.Pullingthevasesouttocheckoverthem,Idislodgedthe
frames.Onefellflatforwardwherethevaseshadbeen.

Iputthembothonthefloorandstraightenedtheframe.Then,Ipaused.Ayoung

womanwasinthephoto,clutchingtwobabiesinherarms.Ifeltnorecognitionatlooking
atherface,soIpulleditoutandlookedatitproperly.

Thebabiesweredressedinpinkandblue,andasIlookedoverthephoto,itdawned

onme.Thiswasthetwinsasbabies—withtheirmom.

Shewasbeautiful.Short,honey-blondhairshowedwherethetwinsgottheirnow-

golden-brownlocksfrom.Bigeyes,aroundface,lightfrecklesonhernose.

Yet,thetwinslookednothinglikeher.Exceptforthefrecklesandthetintintheir

hair,theywereboththedoubleofBrantley.

“Right,Icanhelpnow.Sorry.It’slikebeingarefereesometimes.”

Ijumped,droppingtheframe.Thankfully,itfellintotheboxandnotonthefloor.

“Areyouokay?”Brantleyasked,peeringoverthegarageatme.

“Yeah.I—”Istopped.“You,uh,youhavefrostingonyournose.Justhere.”I

rubbedthesideofmine.

“Shit.”Hewipedhishandoverhisface.“DidIgetit?”

Inodded.“ShouldIask?”

Hislipscurledtotheside.“BarbieandIronMangotmarried.Apparently,

Supermanstartedacakefight,andBatmantookoffensetoit.RainbowDashtriedtosave
her,andthat’sapparentlyhowfrostingendedupalloverthesofa.”

“YouhadmeupuntilRainbowDash.”

“MyLittlePony.Stupidnames,”hemurmured,thenshookhishead.“Thanks.For

thefrosting.”Hetappedhisnose.“Howareyoudoingoverthere?”

“Oh,I…”Ipaused.“Ialmostknockedthisoneover,thensomethingsoundedlikeit

smashed,soIwasjustcheckingitover.”

Hefrowned.“Didanything?Smash?

“Oh,no.”Ibentdownandpickeduponeofthevases.“Allfine.”

HepickedhiswaythroughtheboxesthesamewayIhadandjoinedme.Ihesitated,

holdingthevaseclosetomychestashereachedforthetopandopenedit.

Hesitantly,hepickedupthephoto.Ipeeredupathimthroughmylashes,watching

asaslightsmiletoyedwiththeedgesofhismouth.“You’reprobablywonderingwhy
there’sawholeboxofphotosofher,right?”

“No,”Ilied.

Helookedatme,oneeyebrowraised.

“Ididn’tknowallofthemwereofher,soIdidn’t,butnowIam,”Iadmitted.

Helaughedquietly,settingtheframebackinthebox.Hetookthevasefromme,

replacedit,anddidthesamewiththeother.Then,hefoldedtheboxflapssoitwas
completelyclosed.

ChapterEight

“It’seasier,”hesaid,movingaway.Heliftedupaboxmarked‘gymstuff’and

moveditlikeitweighednothing.“Thetwinsdon’trememberher,eventhoughtheyknow
theirmommyisanangel.Imovedushereforafreshstart,andfornow,keepingitall
together,outoftheway,ispartofthat.”

Ididn’tknowwhattosaytothat.So,Isaidnothing.

Heturned,half-smiling.“Youlooklikeyoupityme.”

“Idon’tknowthatpityistherightword,”Isaidquietly,straighteningthepicture

frameboxup.“Ifeelbadforyou.Andthetwins,obviously.”

“I’veacceptedit.Honestly,thehardestpartofeverythingwastheadjustmentafter

she’ddied.ShedidmostoftheparentingwhileIworked,andallofasudden,Ihadthese
twopeoplewhonowneededmetodostuffI’dneverdonebefore.Ihadhelp,but…”He
sighedandshruggedashoulder.“Everytimemyfamilyorfriendslookedatme,itwas
withpity.I’dproposedtoherbeforeshegotpregnant,thenwhentheywereeightmonths
old,wefoundoutabouthercancer.”

“I’msorry.”Iletmyfingersfallfromthebox.

“Iwasreadyforit.Itwashard,butnowIfinallyfeellikewe’vesettled.”Heshifted

anotherbox.“Whenthey’rereadytoknowabouther,I’lltellthem.Untilthen,it’seasier
tostartfresh.”

“Itkindasoundslikeyou’rekeepingherlockedawayforyourself.”

“Iam.”Heturnedandmetmyeyes.“LikeIsaid—easier.I’llnevermoveonifI’m

surroundedbyher.”

“Didyouevergetmarried?”

“No.Honestly,we’dneverevenplannedit,pastgettingengaged.Weird,right?”

“Notreally.Mybestfriendgotengagedwhenshewasnineteenandstraightupsaid

sheneversawthemgettingmarried.”

Heraisedhiseyebrows.“Thenwhydidshesayyes?”

“Shelikesshinythings.Oh,andshewasreallyshallow.”

Brantleylaughed,thegenuinesoundwipinganytraceofsadnessfromhisface.

“Fairenough.Isshestillshallow?”

Ipinchedmyfingerandthumbtogether,leavingasmallgap.“Littlebit.Andshe

stilllikesshinythings,althoughshetendstocollectthemherselfnow.Bitlikea
blackbird.”

“Isn’titcrowsthatlikeshinythings?”Hetiltedhisheadtotheside.“Alongwith

smallchildren,ofcourse.”

“Crowslikesmallchildren?”

“What?”

“Youaskedifcrowslikeshinythingsalongwithsmallchildren.”

Hestaredatme,confusioncloudinghiseyes.“No,Imeantthatsmallchildrenlike

shinythingsaswell.”

Iblewoutabreath.“Oh,thankgod.Iwasabouttohavenightmaresovercrows

eatingsmallkids.”

“You’renotthesharpesttoolintheboxthismorning,areyou?”

“Hey.I—”Ipointedmyfingerathim,mouthopen,andstopped.

Ihadnoresponsetothat.

Actually,Idid.

Iskirtedtheboxesandjabbedmyfingertipinhisarm.Damnit,thatbicepismade

ofrock.“Moveyourownboxes.”

HeburstoutlaughingandreachedformewhenItriedtomoveaway.“Kali—”

“I’mgoingtocheckonthesuperheroweddingparty.”Isteppedback,wavingmy

armoutofhisreach.

Andtripped.

AsquealleftmymouthasItrippedoverabox.Stilllaughing,Brantleydarted

forwardandgrabbedmebeforeIcouldhittheground.Hishandswerehotonmywaist,
andmyheartthunderedagainstmyribs—fromthenear-fallorhishands,Ididn’tknow.

Hepulledmeuptostandingstraight,andtheonlythingstoppingourbodiesfrom

touchingwasthewayIheldmyarmstomychest.Myfingersgrazedmyneckandthe
skinbeneathmychin,andIswallowedhardwhenIlookedupandmethiseyes.

Inches.

Thatwashowmuchdistancetherewasbetweenourmouths.Betweenmyglossy,

redlipsandhissoft,pinkones.Soclosethathisbreathtickledacrossmycheekwarmly.

SoclosethatIcouldseethehintofdarkerblueflecksintheturquoiseofhisirises.

SoclosethatIcouldseetheshadowhiseyelashescastoverhisskinwheneverheblinked.

ThatIcouldseethedimple,half-hiddenbythescruffonhisjaw,ashislipspulled

tooneside.

“Sadly,”hesaidquietly,stillsmiling,“Youhavetobeasuperherotojointhe

weddingparty,andyoujustprovedyouaren’t.”

“RainbowDashdoesn’tsoundlikeasuperhero.Unlessit’sasuperheroonasugar

high.”

“Butshecanfly.”Hiseyesdancedwithlaughter.“Youwerenotevenclosetothata

secondago.”

Iopenedmymouthtoreply,butstoppedshortasthewordscaughtinmythroat.

Hewasteasingmeagain.

Exceptthistime,hewastouchingmewhilehedidit,andmyheartwasgoingcrazy.

Boom,boom,boom.Itbeatfasterandfasteruntilmypulsethunderedinmyears,andI
drewinasharpbreath.Allitdidwasdryoutmymouth,andmylipsfollowed.

Iwetmylipswithmytongue.

Heglanceddownatmymouth.Hejustbarelytightenedhisgriponmywaist,his

fingerstwitchingashefoughtthebattlebetweenlookingatmylipsandmeetingmyeyes.

Ohgod,thisiswrong.

Iwantedhimtokissme.Rightnow.Outofnowhere.Inthemustygaragewherethe

airconditionerhadstoppedworkingyetagain,becausethatwassofuckingromantic.

Whatwaswrongwithme?

“Noooo!Ewi!BwingbackTwiwight!Noooooooo!”Ellie’svoicereacheda

crescendothatslammedintomeasthescreamgotcloserandclosertothedoor.

BrantleyandIpartedliketheotherwasonfire.Iranmyfingersthroughmyhair

andlookedaway,mycheeksheatingupfuriously.

“WhatonEarthisgoingon?”

“HestoleTwiwight,”ared-faced,sobbingElliesaidbythedoor.Shesniffed.“He

won’twetBarbiegetmarried,andIneedTwiwightbecauseshethebwidesmaid.”

Atleast,that’swhatIthoughtshe’dsaid.Itwashardtotellbetweenthesnotandthe

crying.

Outofthecornerofmyeye,IsawBrantleygetononekneeandsitEllieonthe

step.AsIpretendednottolook,heliftedthehemofhisshirtandwipedathereyes.Then,
hepulleditoff,andwipedhernosewithit.

Damnit.Thatshouldnotbeasweetthingtodo.

Shamemyheartdidn’tgetthemessage.Itswoonedrightoutofthegarage.

“Okay,”hesaidsoftly.“Isthatabitbetter?”

Shewipedhernoseandnodded.“IwantTwiwightback.”

Hestoodup.“Eli!Comehere.”

Therewassilence.

“I’mgoingtocounttofive,”Brantleycontinued.“Andifyoudon’tcomehereby

thetimeIgetthere,yoursistergetstheremotecontrolallafternoon.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Suchamanthreattomake.”

Helookedoverhisshoulderandwinked.

Okay.Backmuscles,winking,andgraysweatpants?

ShootmedownandcallmeSally.IthinkIjustcameonthespot.

Iwascertainlyalittleuncomfortabledownthere,thatwasforsure.

Ipeeredathimashestartedtocount.Yup.Definitelyuncomfortable.Fromthe

shouldersrightdowntothedimplesatthebaseofthisspine…

“No!IamnotwatchingSofiaallday!”Eliappearedasiffromnowhere,andI

suspectedhewasalotcloserthanhe’dpretendedtobe.

Brantleyfoldedhisarmsacrosshischest,thesnotty,tear-stainedt-shirthanging

fromonehand.

Igaveupallpretenseofnotwatchingand,well,watched.

“PleasegiveyoursisterbackTwilightSparkle.”

Elifrownedandheldthepurpleponyclosertohim.“No.”

“I’mnotgoingtoaskyouagain.”

“Shewon’tgivemeEye-onMan!”

Eye-onMan.Oh,mygod.

Brantleysighed.“Ellie,BarbieisgoingtohavetomarryKen.”

Elliefoldedherarmsacrossherchest.“ButKenwaskissingherfwiend.”She

frowned.“BadKen.”

IbittheinsideofmycheeksoIdidn’tlaugh.

“VerybadKen,”Brantleyagreed.“He’llhavetostopkissingherfriendsohecan

marryBarbie.IfyougiveEliIronMan,he’llgiveyouTwilightSparkleback.”

Shetiltedherchinup,peeringdownhernoseatBrantley.Asherlittlelipspursed

intodispleasure,youcouldalmostseethecogsofhermindwhirringtomakethedecision.

Then,sheslumped.“Fine,”shesighed.“EwicanhadIronMan.”

God,Ilovedthewayshetalked.

“Hereyougo.”Eliheldoutthepony.

Elliescrambledandtookit.“Fankyou.”

“Now,gogetIronMan,andleaveeachotheralone,okay?Youcanhaveasnack

soon.”

Theybothnoddedinperfectsync.Theyeventurnedandraninsync.

“You’dthinkI’dbeusedtothat,”Brantleysaid,turningtomewithaspeculative

lookonhisface.“But…Nope.Notatall.”

Icouldn’thelpthesmilethatstretchedacrossmylips.“Itmakesmewanttorunfor

thehills,honestly.It’sreallyweird.”

“That’snothing.Notreally.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”

Hethrewhist-shirtthroughthedoorandmovedforabox.Hismusclesflexedashe

pickeditup,andshit,thiswasnotinmycontract!

“Theydidn’tspeakuntiltheywerethree.Notproperly.Isweartheycan

communicatewitheachotherwithoutspeaking.”Hecheckedthesideofaboxand
gruntedwhenhepickeditup.

“Isn’tthatathing,though?Don’ttheysaythatsometwinsdohavesomeweird

connectionwheretheycancommunicatewithoutwords?”

“IthinkIheardthatsomewhere,too.”Hehuffedasheputdownthebox.“It’s

weird.Idon’tknowiftheycouldn’tspeakuntiltheywerethree,oriftheysimplychose
notto.Whateveritwas,whentheystartedproperly,ittookthemabouttwoweekstogo
fromsayingtwentywordsadaytohavingconversationswitheveryone,nomatterwho
theywere.”

“Ican’timaginethemdoingthat,”Isaiddryly.“They’resoquiet.”

Helaughed.“Andtoaddinsulttoinjury,theycan’tpronouncethe‘L’sound,butif

youaskElitonamedinosaurs,hecansayhalfoftheirnamesperfectly.Atsevena.m.,he
toldmehewasa“vewociwaptor”with“fedders”onhisarms.Idon’tevenknowwhata
velociraptoris.”

Ipaused,handsonabox,andgazedoverathim.“It’sadinosaur,”Isaidslowly.

Hestaredbackatmeflatly.“Shutup.Ithoughtitwasabreedofdog.”

Itriedtoglareathim,buttherewasaplayfulglintinhiseyethatmadeitimpossible

nottogrin.“Hasanyoneevertoldyouyou’reprettysarcastic?”

“It’showIweedouttheidiotsfromthepeopleworthtalkingto.”Hewinkedand

pickedupapinkbike.“Theidiotsdon’tgetsarcasm.”

“Huh.ThatexplainswhyIbarelyhavefriends.Mostofthepeopleinthistownare

idiots.Now,Ifeelbetter.”

“Idon’tbelievethat.”

“Ohno,theyreallyareidiots.”

“Notthatpart,”hesaidthroughgentlelaughter.“Thepartaboutyounothaving

friends.”

Ishuddered.“Ispendallmyworkinghoursdealingwithpeople.Idonotwantto

havetodothatafterwork,too.”

Thatgentlelaughtergotlouder.“Then,I’mhonoredyou’rehereandtalkingtome

whenyoushouldn’tbe.”

Imock-curtseyed.“Asyoushouldbe.”

Heheavedalargeboxfullofclinkingthingsupandsetitontopofanotherone.He

lookedoveratme,ahalf-smilecreepingontohisface,andshookhishead.“Howlong
untilthatfurniturearrives?”

Iopenedmymouthtoanswer,onlytobeinterruptedbythesoundofsomething

largepullingupoutside.“I’mgonnagowithrightnow.”

“Shit,”hemuttered,lookingatthegarage.

***

“Youtheangryladywhocalledanddemandedwenotdeliverthistoday?”

Iglaredatthedeliverydriverandheldoutmyhandforapen.

Hiseyeswidened,andheextractedapenfromhischestpocket,clickedit,and

handedittome.

IscrawledmysignatureonthebottomofthepaperontheclipboardtoconfirmI’d

receivedthedelivery.

“Wasn’titobviouswhensheinsisteduponcheckinginsidealltheboxestomake

sureeverythingwastherebeforeshe’ddothat?”BrantleynoddedtotheclipboardasI
passeditback.

Thedeliveryguymadeeyecontactwithhimandgaveaquickraiseofhiseyebrows

asiftosay,“Yeah,itshouldhavebeen.”

IshotBrantleyahardlookbeforeclickingthedeliveryguy’spenandpassingit

back.“Thenyourcompanyshouldpayattentiontoitscustomers.Ibookedthedeliveryfor
acertainday,andthat’swhenIexpectedit.Notadamnweekearly.”

Deliveryguyshrugged.“Sorry,Miss.Ideliverwhattheygiveme.Takeitupwith

themanager.”

“Itried.Henceyourdeliverynote.”

Brantleypushedoffthesideofthegaragedoorwherehe’dbeenleaningasI

checkedalltheboxes.“Thankyou,”hesaidtothedriver,takingholdofmyshouldersand
steeringmebackinsidethegaragethewayhehaddonewithElliewhenI’darrivedan
hourearlier.

Hejabbedthebuttontoshutthegaragedoor.

“Whyareyoushuttingthedoor?”Iasked,doingmybesttoignorethewayhis

fingertipssenttinglesacrossmybareshoulders.

“So,youdon’tterrorizethedeliveryguyanymore.”

“Iwasn’tterrorizinghim,”Iinsisted.“Iwassimplyinforminghimofallthethings

hedoeswrong.”

“Wecanagreetodisagree.”Hereleasedmeandstretchedhisarmsoverhishead.

“Let’sgetthisfurniturestackedagainstthewallwesomehowmanagedtoclear,thenyou
cangetonwithyourweekend.”

Ileanedagainstthewall,foldingmyarmsacrossmychestwithasmirk.

Brantleylookedaround,thenstilled,sighing.“Thefurnitureisoutsideonthedrive,

isn’tit?”

ChapterNine

I’dmadeaterriblemistake.

Sure,Declanwashandsome.Hehadthatdark,broodinglookthatwasthereasonso

manypeoplewereattractedtoIanSomerhalder.Hewasdefinitelythekindofguyyou’d
lookatfourtimesinthegrocerystoreandproceedtoleavewithatinglyclitorisanda
hankeringforalittletimetoyourselfandTumblr.

Also,hewasperfectlynice.Thirty-twoyearsold,hadagreatjobinaccounting,

visitedhismomonceaweek,lovedtovacationinthemountains,andlikedHarryPotter.

Yep,hewasperfect.

So,whyhadImadeaterriblemistake?

Simple.Hewastooperfect.Perfecthair,perfectteeth,perfectlaugh—evenhisnose

wasperfect.Notafreckleoramoleorablackheadinsight.

Andwithperfectguyscameperfectproblems.Therehadtobesomethingburied

deepdowninsidehim,waitingtobubbleup.

Iwatchedhimashetalked.

Iwasn’tlistening.

IwasthinkingaboutthewayBrantleycaughtmewhenItrippedearlier.

Abouthowhothishandshadfeltthroughtherelativelythinmaterialofmytank

top.Abouthowfirmhe’dgrippedme,howwarmhisbreathhadbeenasitflutteredover
mymouthandcheek,how—

“Kali?”

IjerkedbacktothehereandnowasMarcieplacedthecheckonthetable.

“Areyoudonewiththat,honey?”Shepointedtomyhalf-eatendinner.

Crap.

“Oh,yeah,sorry.”IofferedDeclanasheepishsmile.“I’msosorry.I’vebeena

terribledate.”

Hesmiled,likehedidn’tmindatall.

Hmm.Maybehewasapsychopath?

“No,it’sfine.I’vehadworsedates.Besides,yousaidyouworkedtoday,right?We

probablyshouldhaverescheduledsoyouweren’ttired.”

Mhmm.Weretheythinkingaboutanothermanonyourdate,though?Someonethey

hadnoplacethinkingabout?

Ibettheyweren’t.

Also:hewasrespondingtomewaytoopositively.

WasInitpickingforthesakeofitnow?

Ugh.

“You’reright.I’msorry.Here—I’llpaymyhalfofthecheck.”

HewavedhishandatmewhenIreachedformypurse.“Absolutelynot.Ifyou

must,youcanpayfordatetwo.”Heflashedmeagrinandslippedhiscardinthebook
withoutcheckingthetotal.“Excuseme—Ineedtherestroom.”

Ismiledtightly.

Boy,hewaspresumptuous.

Ipeekedatthebill,pulledoutcash,andslippeditinthebook.Andran—rightinto

Marcie.

Shewinked.“Yourdadcalled.Therewasafamilyemergency.”

“You’remyfavoritepersonintheworld,”Itoldher,squeezingherhand.

Thistime,Imanagedtoescapetherestaurant.

Itwasstillhotandstickyoutside,butI’dhadtheforesighttowearalooserdress,

andnow,Iwasglad.Declanhadpickedmeupfrommyhouse,whichnowmeantIhadto
walkhome.

Notabadthing.

IfonlyI’dbroughtflatsinmypurse.

Oh,well.Icouldn’twinthemall.I’dlistentomyfeetscreamatmeallnight,butfor

now,Ineededtogetawayfromtherestaurant.

ImadeitontoMainStreet,awayfromtheseafrontwheretheCoastalwas,and

heardacarbehindme.Mystomachdropped—Declanwouldhavelefttherestaurantby
now,andifthiswashim,itwasabouttogetrealawkward,realfast.

Iwincedandpeeredovermyshoulder.Afamiliar,blackRangeRovercrawledtoa

stopnexttome,andthewindowonthedriver’ssidewounddown.

Brantleypokedhisheadoutofthewindow.“Alone?”

Ifrowned.“Wherearethetwins?”

Henodded.“Sleepingintheback.It’seasiertoshopwhenit’squieter.Whatareyou

doingwalkingthroughtownbyyourself?”

“Anotsogreatdate,”Ireplied,tuckinghairbehindmyear.

Slowly,hisbrightgazeranupanddownmybody,lingeringonmybright-redheels

foramomenttoolong.“Andyoudidn’tdrive?”

“Hepickedmeup,andI,um…”

Hehalf-grinned.“Wantaridehome?”

“No,it’sfine.It’soutofyourway.”

“It’sthreeblocksover.NotLosAngeles.”

“Still,youhavetogothereandthenback.”

Herolledhiseyes.“Thenatleastletmedriveyoutomyhouse.Walkfromthere.”

Ipaused,runningmyteethovermylowerlip.

“Getinthedamncar,Kali,”hesaidfirmly.“It’sgettingdarkandyou’rebyyourself.

Ican’tleaveyouinthemiddleoftown.”

“I—”

Helookedatmedeadintheeyeandrepeated,“Get.In.The.Damn.Car.”

Icheckedtheroadand,afterseeingitwasclear,gotinthedamncar.

“Thankyou.”Hesmirkedatmeandquicklylookedoverhisshoulderwhenoneof

thekidssnort-snoredintheirsleep.

Ipeeredbackatthem.Bothwearingpajamaswithdogson,theyeachclutcheda

stuffedtoy—Ellieamonkey,andEliabluedinosaur.Theybothsleptsoundly,withEli
suckinghisthumb.

Brantleyreachedbackandgentlypulleditoutofhismouthbeforepullingaway

fromthecurb.“Damnthumbsucking,”hesighed.Heglancedatme.“Abaddate,huh?”

“Notsomuchbad,”Isaidslowlyandcarefully.“Morethathewassuspiciously

perfect.”

“Ah,thedecentguy.Terriblebunchofpeople.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Stopit.Ididn’tconnectwithhim,that’sall.”MostlybecauseI

keptthinkingaboutyou.“Ikindaranoutwhenhewenttotherestroom.”

“Youstiffedhimwiththebill?”

“No!He’dlefthiscard,butIputthecashformyhalfofthebill.Whatdoyouthink

Iam,cheap?”

“Well,thatescalatedquickerthanIthoughtitwould.”Heglancedatme,lips

tuggingup.“Notatall.Iwasonlywondering.”

Iwantedtorollmyeyesagain,butintheinterestofnotgivingmyselfaheadache,I

decidedagainstit.

“HethoughtIwastiredfromworkingthismorningandapologizedfornot

rescheduling.”

“Andthat’stooperfect?”

“Yes.Iwasbeingadreadfuldate.”

“Atleastyoucanadmitthat.”

“Heassumedwe’dgetasecond.Saidasmuch.”

“Ooh.”Brantleywinced.“Didn’task?”

Ishookmyhead.

“You’vehadabadday,huh?Getwokenupearlyaftertoomuchsangria,haveto

spendtheentiremorningatmyplacethankstoanassholedeliveryservice,witnessa
disputeoveraponyandasuperhero,thenyouhaveashittydateandhavetobedriven
homebyyourclient.”

Well,whenheputitlikethat…

“AndIhaveblistersonmyfeetbecausetheseshoesarenew.So,justaheadsup,I’ll

bepaintinginflip-flopsthisweek.”

“They’regreatshoes,though.”

Ilookeddown.“Yeah,theyreallyare.Shamethey’repainful.Maybethey’rethe

kindofshoesyouweartowatchTVandfeelgoodaboutyourself.”

“Yeah.They’rethosekindashoes.”Hisdrytonehadmestaringathim.

“Whatdoesthatmean?”

Hepulledupintohisdriveway.Theheadlightsilluminatedthesideofthehouse,

andhesmiledatme.“Nothing.Iwasagreeingwithyou.”

Iwouldhavecalledbullshit,buthegotoutofthecarandpulledouthisfrontdoor

keybeforeIhadachancetorespond.

Whatever.I’dletitslide,mostlybecauseIshouldhavetakenhimuponhisoriginal

offertotakemehome.Theblisteronthebackofmyfootwasnowdangerouslypainful.

Well,likehe’dsaid,I’dhadabitofashittyday,sowhatwasonemorethingtoadd

tothelist?

Igotoutofthecar,wincingasIputweightonmyrightfootandmyshoerubbed

thesoreblister.“Shit,shit,shit,”Iwhispered.

“Here.”Laughing,Brantleywalkedaroundthefrontofthecar,holdingasmall,

long,rectanglesomething.“ABand-Aid.Forthatblister.”

Igasped,takingitfromhim.“Ohmygod,Icouldkissyou.”

Heraisedhiseyebrows.

Ifroze.

“Imean,”Istarted.“Not—youknow.Kissyou.Icouldkissyou,butIwon’tkiss

you.Ohmygod,Ihavetostopsayingkissyou.Crap.Nevermind.I’mjustgoingtoshut
upnow.”

Hesaidnothing.Hesimplygavemeaway-too-sexysidegrin,andhiseyesflashed

withlaughter…andsomethingthatlookedalittlebitlikedesire.

Ilookedaway,cheeksflaming,andgotbackinthepassengersidesoIcouldapply

theBand-Aid.

Meandmybigmouth.

WhythehelldidIsayIcouldkisshim?AsidefromthefactIcould—andthatwas

beforetheBand-Aid.

Ugh.Tenidiotpointsforme.

IcrumpleduptheBand-Aidwrapperandgingerlysteppedoutofthecar.Itwasn’t

perfect,butitwassureashellbetterthanithadbeenbefore.

“Sssh,”IheardBrantleywhisperfromtheothersideofthecar.“I’mtakingyouto

bed,El.It’sallright.”

“Mmk,”shegroaned.

Iturnedandpeekedoverthetopofthecarjustasitrockedwhenheshutthedoor.

Elliewasdrapedoverhisbody,herheadfloppedonhisshoulder.Herplaitshungdown
herback,andshehadhermouthopenlikeshewascatchingflies.

Brantleyhadonearmunderherbutt,holdingherup,andsecuredherwithhisother

arm.ThestuffedmonkeyhungwithitstailwrappedaroundBrantley’spinkyfinger.

Ismiledashecarriedherin.Eliwasstillfastasleepinthebackseat,andIwatched

himthroughthewindow.AlthoughIknewhewouldbefine,Ididn’twanttoleavehim,
especiallywiththefrontdooropenandthecarunlocked.

So,Ihoveredawkwardlyoutsidethecar,probablylookingfarcreepierthanIever

intendedto.Afterall,itwasn’teverydayyouhadanicelydressedwomaninheelsstaring
atafour-year-oldthroughacarwindow.

Notonewhowasn’ttheirmom,anyway.

Elirolledhisheadtotheotherside,scrunchinghisfaceup.Hetriedtostretch,but

theconfinesofhischildseatdidn’tallowhimto,andapparently,thiswastheendofthe
world,becausehestartedtocry.

Istilled.Ididn’tknowhowtodealwithacryingchild.Especiallynotanexhausted,

half-awake,cryingchild.MygazeflittedbetweenEliandtheopenfrontdoor,butwhenhe
criedlouderandBrantleystilldidn’tcomeback…

Imuttered,“Shit,”andsetmypursedownsoIcouldopenthedoor.

“Hey,Eli,”Isaidsoftly,brushinghiscrazyhairawayfromhiseyes.“Sssh.Daddyis

justputtingEllietobed.Hey.”

Hiseyes,justashadedarkerthanhisdad’s,openedwideandstaredatme,glassy

withtears.Itwasalmostasifhewaslookingatmewithoutseeingme,becausethetears
carriedonfalling.

“Kawi,”hewhisperedthickly,sleepcloudinghisvoice.“Out.”Hetuggedatthe

strapsthatkepthimsafeintheseat.“Pwease.”

Uhhhh.

“Okay,”Isaid,Ithinkmoretomyselfthanhim.

Like,woohoo,Kali!Yougotthis!It’sonlyachild!Goget‘em,Tiger!

Iwasamess.

Ileanedintothecarandpressedthelittlecliptoundothestraps.Eliwriggledoutof

thembeforeIhadachancetomove,andwithatightgriponhisdinosaur,hegrabbedhold
ofmeandhungoffmyneck.

Awesome.

NowwhatwasImeanttodo?Iwaswearingfour-inchheelsforastart.Forafinish,

whatdidIdo?

See,IreallyneededacousinorsomeonetopopababyoutsoIhadsomeideaof

howtocopewithachild.

Iwaswoefullyunderpreparedforthisawkwardturnofevents.

“Okay.”Again,whowasItalkingto?MeorEli?We’llneverknow.Oneoflife’s

greatestmysteries.

Isteadiedmyselfontheslopeddrivewayandusedthemomentumwithwhichhe

wastryingtoescapethecartopickhimup.Thesecondwewereclearofthecar,hecurled
himselfaroundme.Armstightaroundmyneck,legswrappedaroundmywaistasfaras
histinyoneswouldgo.

AllIcouldthinkasIsteppedbackwasthatIwasgladhe’devenlybalancedhis

weight.AndthatIhadonlydrunkoneglassofwinewithdinner.

Thankgodforsmallmercies.

Inudgedthecardoorshutwithmyelbow,holdingtighttoEli,andcarefullymade

mywayupthedrivetothefrontdoor.AnothersmallmercyIrealized:thedrivewaywas
clearlybettermadethanthewindowsinthishouse,becauseitwasperfectlysmoothand
therewasnowayIcouldtrip.

Aftermyday,thiswasatotalsilverlining.

I’djuststeppedinsidethehousewhenBrantleycamedownthestairs.

“Oh,crap.I’msorry.Shewasfussing.”

“It’sfine,”Iwhisperedscratchily.“ButIcan’tbreathe.”

Hedippedhisheadwithaquietlaughandcametomyside.“Hey,buddy.Come

here.”

Elishookhisheadandcurledrightintome.

Aw,shit.

Nowwhat?

“Comeon,letmeputyouuptobed,”Brantleytriedagain.“LetKaligohome.”

Again,heshookhishead,thistimeburyinghisfaceinmyneck.

Isighed.“Helpme.”Leaningagainstthebottomofthebanister,Ikickedalegup.

“Takeoffmyshoes.”

Helookedatmefunnyforamomentbeforegrabbingtheheelandpullingitoff.

“Oop,”IbreathedwhenIputmyfootdownandshrunkseveralinches.“Otherone.”

Anotherkickup,anotherheelgrab,anothertug.

Barefoot,IpaddedupthestairswithBrantleybehindme.

“He’sinmyroom,”hesaid.“Left,theenddoor.”

Sweethell.NowIwasgoingtoseehisbedroom?

IreadjustedmygriponEliwhenBrantleypassedmeandopenedthedoor.

ThankGod,thisroomwasalotclosertotherestofthehouse,justhowI’dhoped

it’dbeen.Boxeswerepiledeverywhere,buttherewasaclearspacewherehiskingsize
bedwasnexttoasmall,singlebedwithBatmanbedding.

IwalkedaroundthelargebedwithbeddinginshadesofgrayandblacktoEli’s.

“Hereyougo,buddy,”Isaidsoftly,layinghimonthebed.

Hereleasedme,finally,andcurledupintoaballonhisside,huggingthedinosaur

closetohischest.Ipulledthecoverupoverhim,andhemutteredsomethingunintelligible
beforeatinysnoreescapedhim.

Icoveredmymouthwithmyhand,stiflingatinygiggleattheadorablesound.

Brantleysmiled,leadingmeoutoftheroomandshuttingoffthelight.Iwentdown

thestairsbeforehim,breathingoutslowlyandrunningahandthroughmyhair.

“Thankyou,”hesaidsoftly,joiningmeatthebottomofthestairs.“It’sbeenalong

timesincesomeonebutmeputoneofthosetwotobed.”

Ismiled,slidingmyfeetintomyshoes.AtleastIdidn’twincewhenthebackofthe

shoehitmyblister…“You’rewelcome.I’mnotusedtokids,solet’ssaythatwasafirst
forme.”

Thesmilethatstretchedacrosshisfacewasgenuineandwarmanddamnmyheart

forpickinguponthatandskippingabeat.“You’reanatural.”

“Ineverythingbutmypatience,I’msure.”Igrinned.“Ah,crap,Ileftmypurse

outside.”

Hesteppedpastmeandwentoutside.WhenIjoinedhim,hewasholdingitup,

staringatit.“It’snotreallymycolor,”henotedofthescarlet-redclutch.“Butit’s
definitelyyours,Ithink.”

Ilaughedandtookitfromhim.“Thankyou.”Ipeekedinside.“Everythingishere.

Thankgodforouralmostnon-existentcrimerate.”

“Idoubtanyonewillbetrollingthisneighborhoodforpursestosteal.”

“Idon’tknow.Anything’spossible.Wedidhaveasuspectedmurderafewyears

ago.”

“Wasitmurder?”

Ipulledoutmyphone.“No.Notevensuicide.Theguywasn’tevenfromhere.He

justdiedinhisrentalapartment.”

“Howthrilling.”

“Hey—youdon’tmovetoRockBayforthedrama.Actually,peoplejustdon’t

movetoRockBay.”Ibroughtupmymom’snumberandhitdial.“You’reanenigma,
BrantleyCooper.”

Hesmirked.“Speakforyourself,Ms.Handywoman.”

IlaughedrightasMomanswered.

“Yes?”shesaid.“DoIneedtorescueyou?”

“Notexactly.I’matBrantleyCooper’sandhavetheworstblisteronmyfoot.Can

youpickmeup?”

Silence,andthen,“Whyareyouatyourclient’shouse?”

“Longstory,”Isaid.“Please?”

“Iwantafullrun-downofthedateandwhythehellyou’reatBrantleyCooper’s.

Thenyou’vegotyourselfadeal.”

Isighed.“Fine,fine.Deal.”

“I’llbethereinfiveminutes.”Shehungup,killingthelinewithaclick.

Brantley,withfourgrocerybagsinhishands,staredatme.“Youjustcalled

someonetodriveyouthreeblocks?”

“Uh,yes.Butthat’smymom’sjob.”

“Lord,Ihopemykidsdon’tsaythatintwentyyears.”

Igrinned.“Sheonlywantstoknowaboutmydate.”

Helaughedandnoddedtowardthetrunk.“Well?Ifyou’rewaiting,makeyourself

usefulandcarrysomeofthisin.”

“Uh.”Ilookedatmyshoes.“I’mnotexactlyequippedforgrocerycarrying.”

Shakinghisheadashepassedme,hesaid,“Standthereandlookpretty,then.But

thisisbasicallythecornerofthestreet,andthere’severychancesomeonemightget
confused.”

“Damnyou!”Ituckedmyclutchinsidethetruckandgrabbedabag.

That’sright.Abag.Justone.

Iwasn’tgoingtotakethiscrapsittingdown.

WhenIwalkedintothekitchenwithmyonebag,heblinkedatmeseveraltimes.

“MyGod,”hemuttered,probablytohimself.“Idon’tevenknowwhattosaytoyou.”

Iputthebagdown,smirked,andfoldedmyarmsovermychest.“Youaskedmeto

help.YouneversaidIhadtocarrymorethanonebag.”

Hislipstwitched.Hepursedthem,buttherestrainedlaughtershoneinhiseyes.

Thosegoddamnbeautiful,bright,expressiveeyes.

Shit,whatwaswrongwithme?

“Youaresomethingelse,Kali.That’sfordamnsure.”Hetuggedonabitofmyhair

ashewalkedpastme.

Ifollowedhimoutside.“Ofcourse,I’msomethingelse.Iwouldn’tbenearlyas

interestingifIwasthesameaseveryoneelse,wouldI?”

“I’venevermetanyoneasconfidentasyou,”hesaidhonestly.“Idon’tknowifit’s

arrogantorrefreshing.”

Ishruggedasthefamiliarrumbleofmymom’scarsoundedaroundthecorner.I

grabbedmyclutch.“IfIdon’tbelieveinmyself,isanyoneelsegoingto?”

“That’saverygoodpoint.”

Oureyesmet,andwesharedasmile.

Asmilethatmadeashiverdanceitswaydownmyspine.

“Hi!”Momgotoutofhercar.

Oh,no.

“Hi,”Brantleysaid,turningaround.“YoumustbeKali’smom.”

Mombeamed.“PortiaHancock.YouhavetobeBrantleyCooper.”Sheheldouther

hand.

“It’sapleasure,Mrs.Hancock.”Hetookherofferedhand,butinsteadofshakingit,

kissedit.

Momraisedhereyebrowsinan“ooh,hello,”kindofway.

“CallmePortia,”shereplied.“Mrs.Hancockismymother-in-law.”

“Anddoesn’teveryoneknowit,”Imuttered.

Momlaughed.“IhopeKaliisn’tbotheringyou,Mr.Cooper.”

“Brantley,please.OrBrantifyoulike—I’mnotpicky.Andno,she’snotbothering

meatall.”Heslidhisgazetomewithaslysmile.“Infact,IthinkIsavedherasstonight.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Myveryownsuperhero.WhydoesElineedBatmanwhenhe’s

gotyou?”

Momlookedbetweenusquestioningly,butBrantleyonlylaughedmeetingmygaze

fully.

“Idon’thaveamaskoracape.OraBatmobile,forthatpoint,”hereplied.“When

youfigurethatout…”

“I’llkeepitinmind,”Isaiddryly,steppingforward.“Mom?Shallwego?”

“Yes,”shesaidslowly,takinghergazefrommetoBrantley.“Itwaslovelytomeet

you,Brantley.I’msureI’llseeyouaroundsoon.”Shegavehimhermostdazzlingsmile,
whichwasn’thardconsideringshewasoneofthemostbeautifulpeopleIknew,and
turnedtothecar.

“I’llseeyouonMonday,”Isaidquietly.“Didthetwinspicktheirbedroomcolors?”

Henodded.“I’lltextyoutheirselections.”

“Thankyou.IwanttogetthatboughtonMonday.”

“Noproblem.I’llsendittomorrow.”Hepulledagrocerybagoutofthetrunk.“I’ll

seeyouMonday,Kali.”

Ibittheinsideofmycheek,smilingandnodding.“Oh,andBrant?”

Hesmirked,turningbacktolookatme.“Yeah?”

“Thanksforsavingmetonight.”

Hislaughwaslikeallthebestchocolates—richandsmoothandoh-so-satisfying.

“You’remorethanwelcome,ma’am.”Hefinishedwithawink,andwalkedinside.

Isighed,turningaround.

Momsatinthecar,windowsdown,andstaredatme.“Getinandtellme

everything.Now.”

ChapterTen

Rollingmyeyes,Ididexactlyasshe’dsaid.Irecappedthedateinrecordtime,and

whenIgotdone,shegroanedandsaidalltheappropriatethingsasshepulledintomy
driveway.

“Well,thanksfortheride!Talktoyoutomorrow!”Iwenttomakeaswiftexitfrom

thecar,butshejabbedabuttonand—“Ican’tbelieveyoujustchild-lockedmeinyour
car.”

Shegrinnedmanically.“Ohno,Kali.Ifyouthinkyou’regettingawaywiththis

withouttalkingtomeaboutBrantleyCooper,youcanthinkagain,child.”

“I’mtwenty-six.”

“And?You’restillaspottythirteen-year-oldwhohatesmeinmymindsometimes.”

“Ineverhatedyou.Youknowthat.”

“Iknow.”Shecurvedherlips.“Butitstillworksasaguilt-trip,doesn’tit?”

Igroaned.“Fine,comein,havecoffee,questionmeallyoulike.”

“Andyou’llanswereveryone,”sheclarified.

“Fine!”Irattledthecarhandle.“Letmego.”

Laughing,sheturnedoffthechildlockandgotoutwithme.“God,he’shandsome,

isn’tit?”

“Mom!”IlaughedasIpulledmykeysoutofmypurse.

“Well,heis!”

“Ohmygod.”IblushedasIunlockedthedoor.WhywasIblushing?Ugh,Ineeded

ado-overfortoday.

Momsnortedandfollowedmeinside.“Heisveryhandsome,Kali.Justadmitit.”

“Allright,fine.He’shotasfuck.There.Areyouhappynow,Mom?”

“Ecstatic.”

Iturnedonthecoffeemachineandignoredherlaughter.Isighed.Sometimes

havingamom-figurewhowasalmostclosertoabestfriendwasn’tagoodthing.

“Now,tellmemoreabouthim.Andbymore,Imeaneverything.Isheavailable?

Single?Hiskids?Theirmom?”

“WouldyoulikemetoGooglehispenissizewhileI’mhere?”

“Ifitwouldhelpyou,feelfree.”

Ipulledoffmyshoes.“Well,”Isaid,puttingthemtotheside.“Yes,he’ssingle.Yes,

he’savailable.Hiskidsarehilarious—four-year-oldtwins.Theirmomdiedofcancertwo
andahalfyearsago.”

“Oh,dear,”shesaidsoftly.“Howterrible.”

Inoddedinagreement.“HesaidRockBaywasafreshstartforhimandthekids.

Heliterallylefteverythingbehindtocomehere.Nofamily,nonothing.”

“WhyRockBay?”

Ishrugged.“Iguesshegotatransferwithhiswork.He’sbeendoingsomestuffthe

pastcoupledaysI’vebeenthere,andhesaidhisbosswastryingtogethimtogointothe
office.Theyseemprettyflexiblewithhim.”

“ArethetwinsgoingtoSummer,then?”

“Ofcourse,theyare.Whereelsewouldtheygo?”

“Goodpoint.Now,backtohimbeingsingle…”

“Mom.”

Shesighedandproppedherchinuponherhand.“Iknow,Iknow.I’mmessingwith

you.He’saclientandthat’snotexactlyanidealsituationforanywomantostepinto,is
it?”

Ilookeddownandfidgetedwithmybracelet.“Youdidit.”

Sheheldupafinger.“Honey,thatwasdifferentinamillionways.One,youwere

thirteen.Two,ithadbeenalotlongerthantwoyears.Three,therewasonlyoneofyou.”

“WouldithavemadeadifferenceifIhadabrotherorsister?”

Shegotupandcrossedthekitchentome.Shetouchedherhandstomyfacewithall

thewarmthofawomanwhodeservedtobeamother.Thegentlenessofhertouchmade
memeethereyes.

“Kali,never.”Hergazeneverwavered.“Iadoreyourfather—allhisidiociesand

all.AndIloveyou,honey.Itneverwouldhavematteredtome.”Shekissedmyforehead
thensteppedback,loweringherhandswithasmile.“Ifyouneedtotalk,callme.Okay?”

Inodded.

“Turnoffthatmachine.ThelastthingyouneedistospendyourSundayhalf-dead

becauseyoudrankcoffeewaytoolate.”Sheblewmeakissassheleft.“Talktoyousoon,
honey.”

“Bye,Mom.Loveyou.”

“Loveyou,too!”

Thedoorclickedbehindher.

Iletoutadeepbreath,lockedit,andwentuptobed.

Shewasright.

Ineededtosleep.

Ifonlytostopthinkingaboutthehot,singledadwhohadsomehowinvadedmy

thoughtstothepointofcrazy.

***

Brantley:Ineedtoaskafavor.

Ifrownedatmyphone.

Me:…?

Brantley:Elliehasitinherheadthatshewantswallpaper.She’sdemandingwego

tothehomestoretolookatit.

Me:Ithoughtshewantedpinkandpurple.

Brantley:Shedoes…pluswallpaper.Shewon’tletmetalkheroutofit.

Me:Areyouathome?

Brantley:No.

Me:You’reatthestore,aren’tyou?

Brantley:Yeah.

Irubbedmyhandacrossmyforehead.Ineededtogoanywaytogetthepaint,but

therewasnothingworsethangoingtoHarvey’sHomeonaweekend.Mostlybecause
that’swheneveryoneandtheirdamnmotherwent.

Nobodywentatninea.m.onaMonday.

Isighedandhitreply.

Me:Betherein20.

***

Thirtyminuteslater,IpulledupintheparkinglotofHarvey’s.AsI’dsuspectedit

wouldbe,itwaspacked.Iwasbarelyabletogetoutofmytruckwithoutdooringthecar
nexttome.

Inmydefense,thelinewasthereforareason,anditwasn’tfortheirfuckingtireto

goon.

AftersqueezingmywaybetweenmytruckandtheHondanexttome,Iblewouta

longbreathandhauledmypurseupontomyshoulder.Judgingbythecarshere,Iwas
walkingintoalevelofhellI’dpromisedmyselfI’dneverexperienceagain.

Harvey’ssatjustonthebrinkoftown,intheareawherenobodycouldevertruly

agreeonwhetheritwasinRockBayornot.Ilikedtobelieveitwasn’t,butthatnever
changedthefactthattheonlytwotimesI’dventuredinhereonaweekend,ithadtaken
methreehourstogetout,becauseeveryonehadaquestiontheywantedmetoanswer.

Because,apparently,Iknewbetterthanthepeoplewhoworkedthere.

Idid,butthatwasbesidethepoint.

Iyankedacartfromoutsidethedoorandputmypurseinthechildseat,making

suretokeepthestrapsloopedaroundonewrist.Iwasn’tgoingtomakethistriptwicethis
week,andsinceErichadtheflooringundercontrol,Ionlyneededthepaint.

IpushedthecartintothestoreandblinkedasIlookedaround.

Yep.

Packed.

Withasigh,Iduckedmyheaddownandmademywaythroughtothesmallcafé

whereIknewBrantleywaswaitingformewiththetwins.Luckilyforme,thecaféwas
rightbythefrontdoor,soImadeittherewithoutbeinginterceptedbyanyonewitha
hundredquestionsfortheresidentbuilder.

“Kawi!”ElliebeamedupatmeasIslippedintotheemptyseat.

“Hey,you.”Ismiledandchuckedherunderthechin.“Hey,Eli.”

Hesankdowninhisseat.“Hey,”hemumbled,lookingaway.

Brantleyrolledhiseyes.“Thankyouforthis.Idon’tthinkIcantakeanotherdebate

abouttheprosandconsofDisneyPrincessesorflowersandhearts.”

“Well,theentiredebatewouldberenderedvoidifyousimplysaidno,”Isaid.

“That,Iknow.Ijustcouldn’tbebotheredwiththeargumenttoday.Somebodywoke

upatfour-thirtythismorning.”Hiseyesslidtoaverysheepish-lookingEli,whoseown
gazewasnowfirmlytrainedonsomethingveryinterestingonthefloor.

IgesturedtothegiantcoffeeinBrantley’shand.“Thatexplainstheentirecarafe

youhaveinthatcup.”

“Ifonly,”hemuttered.“Ineedit.”Hebroughtthecuptohismouthandfinished

whateverwasleftofit.“Areyoureadytogetthisdone?”

Ipointedtomycart.“Readytobuythepaint.Weneeditforthelivingroom,too,

right?”

Henodded.“I’mconsideringnewcolors.Mycartisjustaroundthecorner.Kids,

comeon.”

Elliegotupandtuckedherhandintomine.“CanIshowedyoumybedwoom?”

Iraisedmyeyebrows.“Thecolorsyouwant?”

Sheshookherheademphatically.“Thepaper.”

“Idon’tknow,”Isaidslowly.“Paperisn’tgreat.Yourememberhowwepeeleditall

ofthewallsbefore?Ifyougetpaper,thatmighthappentoyourprettywalls.”

Hereyeswidened.“Areyousure?Idon’twannahadapeewywoom.”

“Exactly.Wouldn’tyoubesosadifthathappened?”

Shepouted,herbottomlipjuttingoutreallyfar.

Iputmypursebackonthechildseatandmovedherhandfromminetothecartto

holdonto.

“Oh,no,”shesaid,pointingattheseat.“Iwannasitdere.”

Brantleycameupnexttome.Elisatononesideofhishalf-fullcart.“Ellie,come

here.”

“No,Iwannasitdere,”sherepeated,pointingatmyseat.

Hestaredbackather.“Doyouwantthetiararug?”

Onceagain,hereyeswidened.“Yeah.”

Hepointedattheseatinhiscart.

Elliesighedandheldupherarms.Brantleyscoopedherupanddepositedherinthe

seatnexttoherbrother.

Thelookheshotmegaveawayhisexhaustion.

Man,someoneneededtointroducehimtothewonderofshoppingonline.

“Okay,”Isaidquietly,meetingBrantley’seyes.“Ifanyonetriestostopus,you’re

hereasmyclientandI’mworking.Gotit?”

Hiseyebrowsdrewtogetherinafrown.“But,youare?”

“No,Imeanofficially.LasttimeIcameinhereonaweekend,ittookmetwohours

toleavebecauseeveryonewhorecognizedmewantedmyadvice.”

“Ahh.Isee.Don’tworry—Idon’thavethepatienceforthattoday.Shallwegoto

thepaint?”

Inoddedandpushedmycart.

Hefollowedsuit.“Iforgottotextyoutheirchoices.”

“Tobehonest,itsoundslikeElliedoesn’thaveaclueanyway.”

“Iwannapinkandpurtlewoomwifheartsonthecurtains,”shesaidconfidently.

“Yougaveuponthewallpaper,then,huh?”Brantleyaskedwearily.

Shenodded.“Inowantittopeel.”

“Goodchoice,”hesaidtoher,rightbeforeheturnedtomeandmouthed,“Thank

you.”

Igrinned,turningdownthepaintaisle.

“Iwantwed,”Elisaidquietly,playingwithBrantley’swatch.“Wedandbwoo.”

“Redandblue?”Iaskedhimsoftly.

Henodded.

“YouwantbrightlikeSuperman?”

Helookedatme,hisentirefacelightingup.Henoddedenthusiasticallybeforehe

realizedhe’dmadeeyecontactandquicklylookedawayagain.

Iscratchedmycheek,hidingmysmilebehindmypalm.Hisshynesswasso

endearing—sounlikethechildwho,thenightbefore,hadlatchedontomeandrefusedto
letgountilhe’dbeenputtobed.

Brantleybrieflymetmyeyes.“Supermanblueandreditis.”

“Thatwaseasy,”Isaid.“Hey,Eli,thisred?”Ipointedtoascarletredthatstoodout.

HepeereduptowardthecanIpointedtoandfranticallynoddedhishead.

“Done.”IwavedBrantleyawaywhenhetriedtogetit.Ipulledtwocansoffthe

shelfanddumpedtheminmycart.“Aaaaand,theblue…”Imovedbackward,runningmy
handalongtheshelf.“Thisone?”

Heturnedrightaround,sawit,andnodded.

“Done.”Anothertwocansmadetheirwaytothecart.Theyweren’tthebiggest,and

I’dratheroverbuyandknowthepaintcouldbeusedagaininthefuture.Ialsograbbeda
verysmallcanofbrightyellowand,ignoringBrantley’squestioningraiseofhiseyebrow,
putthatwiththecans.“Ellie,yourturn.”

Muchmoreanimatedthanherbrother,sheturnedaroundalmostfullyinthecartand

lookedtotheothersideoftheaislewherethepinksandpurpleswere.

“Thatone.”Shepointedtoabubblegumpinkcolor.“Andthatone.”Shepointedher

otherhandtoamuchsofterlilacthatwouldcomplementthebrighterpinktoperfection.

“Allright,done.”IgrabbedtwoofeachcolorandputthemwithEli’scans.Turning

toBrantley,Iheldoutmyhandsandsaid,“Done!”

Hemutteredsomethingbeneathhisbreaththatsoundedalotlike,“Damnkids

behaveforeveryonebutme.”

Ilaughed,pushingmycartforwardsoitwaslevelwithhis.“I’mprettysureIread

ontheinternetthat’ssomethingyouhavetoacceptasaparent.”

Heslidhisgazetome.“Yeah?BenjaminFranklinalwayssaidyoushouldn’tbelieve

everythingyoureadontheinternet.”

Openingmymouth,Ipaused.

Wait.

“Funny,”Isaid,lettingthesarcasmseepintomytone.“Icomesaveyoura—butt,”I

correctedmyself,“Andhereyouare,screwingwithme.”

Brantleygrinned,bumpingmyelbowwithhis.“Yousoundsurprised.”

Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“Watchyourself,BrantleyCooper.OrImightjustleave

candylyingaroundwhenyouleastexpectit.Exactlywherecertaintinyhumansmayfind
it.”

“Youplaydirty,KaliHancock.”

Ipushedupthesleevesofmyplaidshirt,onebyone,andsmiledslowly.“Stop

teasingmeandnobodygetsasugaroverdose.”

Heskippedinfrontofmeattheregister,andwithhisbacktohiskids,letaneasy

smilestretchacrosshisface.“Thatsoundslikeathreat.”

“Actually,there’severychanceI’llforgetthisconversationtomorrow,butsure.It’s

athreat.”

Heburstoutlaughing,puttingadivideronthebelt.“Yourhonestyissorefreshing.”

Heputaruguponthebelt.“But,yourwarningisdulynoted.I’malmostentirelysurethat
stoppingteasingyouisn’tonthecardsrightnowbecauseit’ssodamnfun,soI’lltakemy
chances.”

Isighed,andwasabouttoreply,whensomeonetappedonmyshoulder.Ijumped

andturned,onlytolookintothefamiliareyesofHarvey,theowner.

Thecornersofhiseyescrinkledashesmiled.“Kali.HereonaSunday?”

“Shh.”Ipressedmyfingertomymouth.“ThePeopledon’tknowyet.Canyouget

meoutofhere?”

Harveylaughed,takingcontrolofmycart.“Anythingformyfavoritehandywoman.

ComeovertothecustomerservicedeskandI’llgetyousortedout.”

“Thanks,Harvey.”Itouchedhisarmwithasmile.Then,turningtoBrantley,I

grinned.“SeeyouMonday.”

Hesighed,buthisfightagainsthissmilewassoobviousitmademelaugh.

IwavedgoodbyetothetwinsandfollowedHarveytothecustomerservicecounter.

“Businessorpleasure?”heasked,ringingupthepaint.

“Business,”Ireplied.

“Lookslikepleasuretome.”

Irolledmyeyes.“YouwatchtoomuchTV,oldman.”

Hissmilewaslopsidedashetookbothmyloyaltycardandmydebitcard.“ButI

canseethelookofagirlwithacrush.”Heswipedmyloyaltycard.“He’shandsome,no?”

“You’vebeenspeakingtoMom,haven’tyou?”

“Imighthaveseenherinthegrocerystorefirstthingthismorning,”headmitted,

swipingmydebitcard.“Youseemverycomfortablewithhim.”

ItookbothcardsfromhiswrinkledhandandshothimthehardestlookIwas

capableof.“No.”IwaggledmyfingerathimtheexactsamewayIhadmymom.“Don’t
gothere.It’sbusiness,Harvey.Allright?”

Hegrinned,revealinghispearly-white,slightlycrookedteeth.“Surething,sweet

ChapterEleven

IftherewasonethingIwasn’tpreparedforonMondaymorning,itwasBrantley

Cooperhustlinghischildrenlikeabosswhilewearingasharpasfucksuit.

That’sright.

ThefirstthingIwascoherentlyabletoseeonMondaymorningwasasuitedand

bootedguy,herdingtwotinyhumansthewayadogherdedsheep.

Istoodjustinsidethefrontdoor,blinkingatthesightbeforeme.

“Eli!Getyourdinosaur.Ellie,I’veaskedyouthreetimesnowtoputonyour

shoes.”

“Ican’tfinddem!”

“Youhadtheminyourhandsfiveminutesago!”

“Ewistoledem!”

“Eli,didyoutakeEllie’sshoes?”

“No!Idon’twanthershoes.Ican’tfindmydinosaur,Daddy.”

“It’sonyourbed.Eleanor,putdownyourjuiceandfindyourshoesnow!”

“ButI’mfirstyyyyy!”

“Shoes,Eleanor!Dinosaur,Elijah!Now!”Heleanedagainstthebanister,pinching

thebridgeofhisnose.Hisnostrilsflaredashetookadeepbreath,andwithhiseyesshut,
itwaseasytosayhewasalreadyoverthisday.

Allright,sohewasn’thustlinglikeabossofherdingthemlikesheep.Hewasmore

kindathrowingoutinstructionsandhopingsomethingwouldstickandthatoneofthem
wouldlistentohim.

Huh.Maybeitwaskindalikeherdingsheep…

“Morning,”hesaid,muchbrighter,droppinghishandfromhisface.Hiseyes

sparkledalittlewhentheymetmine.“WelcometoHell.Atleastthere’saircon.”

Icouldn’thelpit.Iburstoutlaughing.Ittookallmyconcentrationtocovermy

mouthwithmyhandtocontrolit.“Youlooksmartthismorning.”

Smart.Sexy.Panty-melting.Theywereinterchangeable,right?

Hesighed,tuggingatthelapelofhissuitjacket.“Workwontoday.Ihavetogoand

introducemyselfandheadupabigmeeting.Easiersaidthandonewhenyouhavetoget
kidstodaycarefirst.”

“Ican’tfindshoeeeees!”Elliescreamed.“Ewistolethem!”

“Ididnot!”Elishoutedback.“Youwon’tgivememydinosaur!”

“Youcanhaditwhenyougivememyshoes!”

IslidmyeyestowardthelivingroomwhereWorldWarThreewasapparently

starting.“Wow.That’sfun.”

“Don’t,”Brantleygroaned.“Eleanor,giveElijahthedinosaur.Elijah,returnyour

sister’sshoestoherrightnow,oryougowithoutthedinosaurandwithoutshoes!You
havetwominutes!”

“Shoeless.Pullingoutthebigguns,”Inoted.

“Desperatetimescallfordesperatemeasures.WhichiswhyI’llbebuyingwhiskey

onmywayhomefromworkformycoffeenexttimeIhavetogointotheoffice,”he
added,stalkingintothefrontroom.“Elijah.”

“Idon’thadhershoes!”Eliyelled.“Sheputthemunderthecoffeetable!”

Ibittheinsideofmycheek.Ha!

Ellienarrowedhereyes.“No,Ididn’t!”

Brantleysighedandgotonhisknees.

Boy,ifIthoughthisasswasgoodinjeansandsweats…

Iclearedmythroatandlookedaway.

“Dinosaur,now.”Hedemanded.

IpeekedbackintimetoseeBrantleyswapthedinosaurforhershoes.

“Car,Elijah.Now.”Hepointedtowardthedoor.

Elimutteredsomethingaboutitnotbeingfairbecausedaycaresucked,buthe

stompedoff,stormingrightpastme.

“You.Shoes.”BrantleygaveEllieadeathstare.

Wordlessly,sheputthemon,redoingtheVelcrofourtimesbeforeshewashappy

withit.

“Car,please.”Brantleypointedtothedoor.

Elliestaredathim,herheadturningasshewalked.

“Sofa!”

Shejumped,movingoutofthewayofthesofaandwalkingintoit.

Brantleyrubbedhiseyes,blowingoutalong,slowbreath.“Ineedanapalready.”

Ilaughedashescootedpastmeandputbothkidsinthecar.Allright,Ienjoyedthe

viewashebentoverinsidethecar,too.

Heslammedthedoorshut.“Youhearthat?That’ssilence.It’lllastfor—”

Amuffledscreamcamefrominsidethecar.

“Thatlong,”hesighed.Hereachedinsideandgrabbedthetwobackpacksonthe

floorbythedoor—plusEllie’smonkey.“Okay,uh—”

Anotherscream.

“Godfuckinghelpme,”hemuttered,thenmetmyeyeswithawrysmile.“You’llbe

donebeforeIgetbacktonight,buthelpyourselftocoffeeorwaterorwhat—”

“Goaway!”

“Go.”Ibarelymanagedtokeepmylaughterinside.“Igotit.”

Hesmiledgratefullyandheadedforthecar.

Ihadnoideahowhedidit.

***

Iwascoveredinpinkpaint.Honestly,IlookedlikeBarbiehadthrownuponme.

Forwhateverreason,todayhadnotbeenmyfriend,andtodaywasthereasonIneverput
theflooringinbeforethepaint.

Itwaseverywhere.NotonlyhadIaccidentallysteppedintotherollertray,but

sometimearoundlunch,I’ddroppedthepaintbrushIwasusingtoedgearoundtheceiling
andithadhitmesquareintheforehead.

Thebristlesideofthebrush,thatis.

So,therewasbubblegum-pinkpaintonmyforeheadandinmyhair.Iwaspretty

sureit’dmanagedtodripdownbeneathmyshirtatsomepoint,somyboobshadgottena
makeover,too.

Ihadn’tdaredtouchEli’sroom.NotthatI’dtimewithTheGreatMondayBattleof

thePaint.

Drivinghomebarefoothadbeenajoy,too.ThebootsIalwaysworetoworkhad

becomemymostcomfortableshoes,andI’dneveractuallydrivenbarefootinmylife.

Ineverwantedtodoitagain,either.

Islammedmyfrontdoorshutbehindmeandinstantlywentupstairstomy

bathroom.TheonlythingIwantedwasashower—Ineededit,too,sinceIwassupposed
togotomyparents’toseehowDadwasgettingonwiththetwins’beds.

Thehotwaterwasamazingasitbeatdownonme.IscrubbedandscrubbeduntilI

wasredalloverandtherewasn’tsomuchasadropofpaintonme.

Itfeltsodamngoodtobeclean.

Isteppedoutoftheshowerandwrappedmyselfintowels.Isecuredatowelturban

ontopofmyheadandkilledthewater.Withtherushofsilenceasthewatershutoffcame
thedistantsoundofmyphoneringing.

“Shit!”Ijumpedfromthebathrugtothecarpetedhallway,onlyjustmakingit.The

lastthingIneededrightnowwastoslipandfallonmyassandbreakabone.

IdarteddownthestairstowhereI’ddumpedmyphoneonthehallwaysidetable

withmykeys.It’dstoppedringing,butIgrabbeditanywayandcheckedthecalllist.

Threemissedcalls:Brantley.

Ifrowned.

Thatwas…overkill.

Iwasstillstaringatmyphonewhenitbuzzedviolently,followingupwitha

shriekingring.

Jesus.Ihadtoturnthatvolumedown.

Brantley’snamewasonthescreen,andIswalloweddownthemildpanicatthe

numberoftimeshe’dtriedtocallme.HadIdonesomethingwrong?Troddenpaint
throughhishouse?

Iwasn’tsure,but…

“Hello?”Iansweredonthefifthring,onlyjustgettingitbeforeitwouldgooverto

voicemail.

“ThankGod.Kali?”Hewasrushed—histonetight,frustrated,helpless.

“Yeah.Issomethingwrong?Ihaveabunchofmissedcallsfromyou.”

“Yes.No.Ineedyourhelp—doyouknowanyonewhowouldbeabletogetthe

twinsforme?”hesaidquickly,almosttooquickly.

Iclutchedmytowelatmychest.“Whoa,whoa.Slowdown.Whydoyouneed

someonetogetthetwins?”

Thelinecrackledasheexhaledheavily.“Mymeetinggotpushedback.Theother

companywasflyinginfromoutofstate,andtheirflightgotdelayed.We’realmostdone,
butit’srushhourandI’llnevergetbacktotownontimetogetthem.”

Crap.

“Can’tSummerkeepthemalittlelonger?”

“No.Somethingabouthergrandparentscomingtotownforherparents’anniversary

dinnerorshewould.”

Doublecrap.

“You’retheonlyotherpersonIknow.Canyouthinkofanyone?”

Inibbledtheinsideofmylip.Itstungslightly,andIthoughtofhowI’dhaveto

explainthisonetomyparentswithoutmymomgettingideas…

“Icangetthem,”IsaidbeforeIcouldchangemymind.“Theyknowme,right?I

knowwherethesparekeyis.Icantakethemhome.”

“Areyousure?Fuck,no,Kali.Ican’taskyoutodothis.”

“You’renotaskingme.I’moffering.You’llbewhat,anhour?Two?”

“TwoifI’mlucky.”Hepaused.“Howsooncanyoubethere?”

“Uhh…”Ipulledmyphoneawayfrommyearandcheckedthetime.“Atleasthalf

anhour.Iwasintheshowerwhenyoucalled.”

Silenceforamoment.

“Brantley?”

“Sorry.Someoneyelledatme.”

Hmm.Ismelledbullshit.

“Halfanhourshouldbefine.Jesus,Kali.Thankyousomuch.”

“It’snotaproblem,”Ireplied.“I’llheadoverthereassoonasIcan,okay?”

“Thankyou.Hey—there’sgroundbeefinthefridge.Iwasgoingtomakethem

spaghetti…”Hetrailedoff.

“Stoppanicking.AsidefromthefactElibarelyspeakstome,I’msureIcanmanage

fortwohours.”

Helaughed,albeitabitnervously.“Keepthatconfidence.You’llneedit.”

“Reassuring,”Isaiddryly,headingupstairs.“CallSummer.Don’tpanic.Igotthis.”

“Bravewoman.”Then,heclickedofftheline.

Istoppedatthetopofthestairs.

WhatthehellwasIdoing?

***

Brantley:Summerhassparecarseatsandshe’llfitthem.I’mtryingtogetoutof

here.

Me:Itoldyou.Igotthis.

AndIdid.SummerwasfittingthoseseatsinthebackofmytruckasItextedhim

back.Itriednottoputhispanicintoaboxthatsaidhedidn’ttrustme,becausehehadto
knowthey’dbesafewithme.

WhetherI’dbesafewiththemwasanothermatterentirely.

No,hewasn’tpanickingbecausehedidn’ttrustme.Hewaspanickingbecausehe

didn’twanttobethatpersonwhoimposedonanother.

Hell,I’dalreadyliedtomyparents.

No,it’sfine,I’dsaid.JustsomethinginworkthatIhavetodealwith.I’llcomeby

tomorrow,I’dpromised.

SomethingelseIwoulddotomorrowwouldbetogetbacktobasics.Justdotheir

rooms.Nothelphim.Showupafterhe’dleftandleavebeforehegothomewhereIcould.

Ihadtoputsomedistancebetweenmyselfandthisfamily,becauseasIwatchedthe

twinsgrinasSummerusheredthemovertomytruck,myheartsoftened.

Iwasgettingalittleattachedtotheseadorablekids,anditwasnowonder.They

foughtlikecatanddog,buttheywerethesweetestthings.

Yeah,shit.Ineededdistance.Soon.

“Kawi!Where’sDaddy?”Ellieboundeduptomeandhuggedmylegs.

Awkwardly,Ipattedhershoulder.“Daddy’sstuckatwork,soI’dsaidI’dtakeyou

homeandmakeyouspaghetti.Isthatokay?”

Shenoddedenthusiastically,eyessparklingwithalargerthanlifegrinonherface.

“Yes!Arewegoinginyourbigcar?”

“Sureare.MissSummerputseatsinthebackforyou.See?”Ipointed.“Climbup

andover.”

Ellieexaminedtheheightofthetruckforamoment.Then,shecockedaleg,puther

footonthedoor,andtriedtoheaveherselfup.

Summerburstintolaughter.“Comehere,chickee.You’renevergettingyourselfin

there.”SheleftElistandingontheedgeofthegrassandhelpedgiveEllieafoot-upinto
mytruck.“Eli?”shesaid,turningbacktohim.“Comeon,sweetie.I’llhelpyouintoKali’s
truck.”

Silently,hewalkedoverandwaitedforSummertolifthimupandintohisseat.She

didthestrapsthatwentoverhisarms,clippedhimin,thenshutthedoorandwenttodo
Ellie’sseat,too.

Iswallowedhard.

Thegravityofthesituationweigheddownonmequicklyandheavily.

Ihavenoideahowtolookaftertwochildren.

Imean,I’dknownthatbeforeI’dagreed,butitseemedlikeagoodideauntilthey

wereinmycar.Now,Iwasactuallyinchargeofthem,andJesus—Icouldn’tkeepahouse
plantalive!

HowdidIkeepchildrenalive?

Twohours,butstill.

Alotcouldhappenintwohours.

Likeregret.

Summerhalf-smiledasshecamebackaroundtomysideofthecar.“You’re

regrettingthisalready,aren’tyou?”

“Let’ssayIagreedbeforeI’dthoughtitthroughandleaveitatthat,”Isaidwarily.

“Idon’thavethetiniestcluehowtolookafterkids.”

Shelaughed,atiny,tinklygigglethatmademejealousofthefactItendedtosnort

moreoftenthannotwhenIlaughed.“Don’tworry,”shesaid,tuckingherbright,blond
hairbehindherears.“You’llbefine.Theyknowyou,right?Ellie’sdonenothingbuttalk
aboutyoualldaylong.”

Oh,boy.

“Shehas?”

“Yousoundalarmed.”

“Iam.”Ilaughednervously,glancinginmytruck.Elliebobbedherheadfromside

toside,singingsomethingIcouldn’tmakeout.Elisatquietly,pokingthespotsonhis
dinosaurone-by-one.Hislipsmoved,butifhewascountingoutloud,Icouldn’thearit
overhissister’sdin.

Summer’ssmilebecameawidegrin.“He’sacutie,isn’the?Shyasanything,

though.They’retotaloppositestosaythey’retwins.”

Inoddedinagreement.“Ifhesaysanythingaboveawhispertometoday,I’llcount

itasawin.”

Morelaughter.Shetouchedmyarm.“You’llbefine.Honestly,havealittlefaithin

yourself,Kali.You’lldoperfectly.”

“Havefunatdinnertonight.”

Shebeamed.“Thanks!Havefunwiththosesweethearts!”

Ismiled.

Honestly,Ithinkitcameoutmorealarmedthananythingelse.Ifshewasreferring

tothemassweethearts,they’dobviouslysnappedoutofthismornings’dreadfulmood.

Igotintothetruckandstartedtheengine.“Right.Readytogo?”

“Woohoo!”Elliethrewherarmsintheair.“Yes!Wet’sgo!”

Elinodded,amoveIsawinmyrearviewmirror.

Itookadeepbreathandpulledaway.

Andsaidalittleprayerwe’dallmakeittobedtimewithoutanyonegettinghurt.

ChapterTwelve

“Okay,no.”Iwavedmyarms.Literallywavedthem.IimaginedIlookedlikea

babybirdtryingtoflyforthefirsttime.“We’renotfightingovertheremotecontrol.”

Theybothswiveledtheirheadstowardme.Theirexpressionswereidentical—wide

eyes,partedmouths,redcheeks.

God,itwassoweird.

“It’sbeentwentyminutes.We’renotfightingalready.I’mtryingtocook.So,here’s

whatwe’lldo.We’llpickashoweverybodylikes,andthenI’lllookaftertheremote.”I
pluckedthecontrollerfromtheirhands.

Or…Itriedto.

WhatreallyhappenedwasthatIwrestledit.

I’mnotproudofthat.

Severaltugsandgentlechopsontheirwristslater,Imanagedtoextracttheremote

fromtheirsurprisingly-tightgripsandheldituphigh.

“Okay,”Isaidslowly,goingtotheTVguideandfindingthe‘Kids’section.“What

arewewatching?”

“Sofia!”Ellieshouted.

“No,Twansformers!”Eliyelledather.

“No,Sofia!”

“No,Twansformers!”

Help.Someonehelp.

“Well,youcan’tbothwatchdifferentshows,”Italkedoverthem.“Youhavesixty

secondstoagreeonashowI’llreadouttoyoubeforeImakeachoiceforyou.Deal?”

Theybothgrumbledaboutit.

“Okay.ThereisSofiatheFirst,PeppaPig,Calliou—”

“We’renotawowedtowatchCawiou,”Elisaidsoftly.“Daddysaidhe’snaughty.”

Ellienoddedenthusiastically.“DaddysaidCawiouisalittleshit.”

Ifroze.

Didshejust—

Ichokedbackamixtureofshockandlaugh.“Well,Daddyisverynaughty,too.

That’sabadword,Ellie,andyoushouldn’trepeatthat.”

“Itis?”

“Yes.It’sonlyforgrown-ups.”

“CanIsayitwhenI’mfirteen?”

“Youcansayitwhenyoutouchtheceilingwithoutclimbingonfurnitureorgoing

onyourtippy-toes,”Isaidtoher.

Elilookedatmeandthentheceiling.“Canyoutouchtheseewing,Kawi?”

Hey.Hewasn’twhispering!

Iglancedupward.“Uh,Idon’tknow.”

“Twy!”Theybothsaid,clappingtheirhandsthreetimesinunison.

Ihesitated,buttheexpectantwaytheybothgrinnedatmebrokemedown.“Okay.

I’lltry.”IreachedupasfarasIcould,stretchingrightout,butmyfingerscameaninchor
twoshortoftheceiling.

Damnit.

“You’renotawowedtosaythenaughtywords!”Ellieexclaimed,climbinguponto

thesofaandgettingacloserlookatthegapbetweenmyfingertipsandtheceiling.

“You’retoosmall,”Elisaid.“Yougottagrowsomemore.”

Iwasscrewed,then.

“Lookslikeit,”Iagreed.“HowabouttheTV?NotoCalliou.There’sSpongebob

Squarepants—”Hey,ashowIknew!“—Or…PawPatrol.”

“PawPatrol!”theyshouted,scramblingtosittogetheronthesofa.“PawPatrol!”

ThankGod.

Ihitthatchannel,andwhenanincrediblyannoyingthemetunefilledtheair,Ileft

theroom,takingthecontrollerwithme.

Iwasn’tgoingtocopewithanymorefighting.Notthissoonintomybabysitting

session.Nope.

Thegroundbeefonthebaseofthepanhadburnedslightly.Nowonder—their

fightinghadoverriddenmyabilitytomakethechoicetoturnthedamnheatdownbefore
I’dgoneinthere.

Withasigh,IscrapedtheburnedmeatthebestIcouldanddraineditallofoilover

thesink.Ithrewthejarofsauceintothepan,thenreplacedthemeat,andstirred.

Thespaghettibubbledover,soIturneditdownsoitdidn’tsplasheverywhere.

Therewasstillsilenceinthefrontroomwhichwasbothwelcomedandslightlyworrying.
Idashedquicklytopeek.

Theywerecuddledtogether,Elisuckinghisthumbastheywatched.

IknewBrantleydidn’treallylikehimsuckinghisthumb,butIwaspickingmy

battles,andthiswasnotoneoftheonesIwantedtofight.

Ijustwantedtofeedthem.

IfIcoulddothatwithoutanotherargumentbetweenthem,I’dbeokay.

Right?

Right.

IstirredtheBolognesemix.Itsmelledgood,andImentallypattedmyselfonthe

back.

Untiltherewasascreamfromthefrontroom.

Idroppedthespoon,splatteringsauceeverywhere,includingonmyself,andran.

EllieandEliwerepushingandshovingateachother,andhehadholdofafistfulof

Ellie’shair.

“Hey!Whoa!No!”IrushedtothemandremovedEli’sclawedhandfromEllie’s

hair.“What’sthatallabout?”

“Hepinchedme!”EllieshoutedatthesametimeElisaid,“Shehitme!”

Icoveredmyfacewithmyhands.“Okay,comeintothekitchen.Oppositeendsof

thetable.Yourdinnerisdone.”

“ButIwannawatchPawPatrol,”Elliewhined.

“Nope.Wetriedthat,butyoufought.Kitchenfordinner,please.”

Theybothslopedoffthesofaandsulkedtheirwaytothetable.Theydidasthey

weretold,takingtheirseatsattheoppositeendsofthesofa.Iblewoutalongbreathand
searchedfortheirplates.

“Nexttothefwidge,”Elliesaid.

“Huh?”

“Ourpwates.”Shesmiled.

“Oh,thanks.”Icrossedthekitchenfortheplatesandpulledtwoout.

Minuteslater,theywerebotheatingsilently,slurpingspaghettiup.Thesaucewent

everywhereexceptintheirmouths.Overtheircheeks,ontheirnoses,downtheirnecks…
Rightdowntheirshirts.

“Good?”Iasked.

Theybothturned,grinningatmewithhalf-orangefaces.

ItwaslikeWillyWonkahadlethisOompaloompasfreeinRockBay.

Ellieevenmanagedtogetitinherhair.

Oh,dear.

Theyweregoingtoneedabath.

***

Inhindsight,whatIshouldhavedonewascleanedthemupwithawetclothand

waiteduntilBrantleygothomefromwork.

Inhindsight,Iwasafuckingidiot.

Iwasafuckingsoakingwetidiot,tobeprecise.

Whoknewthatsaying,“Pleasestopsplashing!”meant,“Hey,splashsomemore!”

Notme.Nobodyevertoldmethat.

Evenreversepsychologydidn’twork.IpretendedIdidn’tcaretheysplashedmore,

andsotheysplashedmore.

Itwasprettyinconvenient,actually,giventhatIwaswearingawhiteshirt.Ishould

haveknownbetterthantodothat,becauseitwasdecidedlylesswhitethanithadbeen
whenI’dputiton.

Spaghettisauceandbathtubwaterwerenotfriendsofwhiteshirts.

Ormysanity.

So,hereIsat,onthetoilet—withtheseatdown—watchingthemastheysplashed

eachotherandcausedtheGreatFloodofMonday.Theydidn’tcareabit,ofcourse.

Me?Well,Ikeptcreepinglooksatmyphone.Thetime?WasBrantleyhomeyet?

Wouldheretrievehisdemonsfromme?

Timepassed.

Sodidthetwins’abilitytokeepwaterinthetub.

Until,finally,throughtheirshrieksofdelight,adoorsoundeddownstairs.

Itopened.

Itclosed.

Istaredatthewall.

“Daddyyyyy!”Elliescreamed.

“Daddy!”Elifollowedsuitwith.

“Help,”Iwhispered.

Theysplashedeachotherextraloud.

“Oh,hell,”Brantleysaid,stormingupthestairs.

Slowly,Iturnedmyfacetohis.Iwassoakingwet,frommylittlesockstomyhair

andeverythinginbetween.“Imadeabadchoice.”

Herubbedhishandoverhismouth.Hiseyesflittedacrossthebathroom,fromthe

soakingtwinstothedrippingwallandtheminiatureswimmingpoolthatwasnow
formingonthebathroomfloor.

WhowasIkidding?It’dbeenformingforthepasttenminutes.

Severalemotionsflittedacrosshisface,buttheoneIwasn’texpectingwastheone

hehitmewith.

Amusement.

Pure,raw,silentlaughter.

“How’sthatconfidenceworkingoutforya,sweetcheeks?”Hegrinned,leaning

againstthedoorframe.

Iglaredathim.

“Daddy!”Ellieshouted.“Kawigaveusskettiandabaff,look!”

“Iclean!”Elishouted.“Soshiny!”

“Sowet,”Brantleysaid,pushingofftheframeandshruggingoffhissuitjacket.He

tuggedathistie.“Youreadytogetoutnow?Cleanhair,cleantummies?”

Theybothlookedattheirstomachs.“Clean,”theysaid.“Cleanhair,”Ellieadded.

Brantleylookedatme.

“Cleanhair,”Iechoed.

Helaughed.“Allright.Ellie,Eli,one,two,out.”Heturned,openedadoor,and

brandishedtwotowelsfromacupboard.“Let’sgetwarmanddryandintobed.”

“But—”theybothsaid.

“No.”Brantleywiggledatowel.“Out.”

Elliewasthefirsttogetout.Hertinybodywastintedpinkwiththewarmthofthe

waterdespiteknowingitwasn’ttoohot,andherhairhungdownherbackinstringy,
lightlycurledstrands.

Brantleywrappedherinatowel,andIavertedmyeyesasEliclimbedoutafterhis

sister.

“Bedroom,”Brantleysaid.“Underwearandpajamas.Givemefivesecondsto

change,okay?”

Bothtwinsnodded.ElliedisappearedintowhatIknewwouldbethespareroom,Eli

intoBrantley’sroom.

Brantleyleftmealoneinthebathroom.Ipulledthepluginthebathroomandslowly

mademywayacrossthehall.Ineededanothershower,thatmuchwasforsure.

“Kali.”

Istoppedatthetopofthestairsandlookedovermyshoulder.“Yeah?”

“Here.”Brantleythrewalight-grayt-shirtinmydirection.“Don’tstayinawet

shirt.”

Um,thatwashisshirt.

“Ican’t.”Ihelditouttohim.“Thisisyours.”

Heclosedhishandovermine,eyesonmine,andsaid,“They’llbeinbedinfifteen

minutes.Youwannawaitfifteenminutesinawetshirt?”

“No.Iintendedonleavingrightnow.”

“Don’t.”Deep,husky,raw.“Wait.Okay?”

Iswallowedhard,lookingdownattheshirtinmyhands.

“Kali?”

“Okay,”Ireplied,clutchingittighttome.“I’llwait.”

“Eli!”Brantleyusheredhimoutofhisroom.“Intoyoursister’sroom.Let’sget

changedrealquick.”HewinkedatmeandpointedtohisroomwhenElihadleftit.

Ismiled.Iwasgratefulfortheoffer,butitfeltalittlewrongtowearashirtthat

clearlybelongedtohim.Alotwrong.Hewasmyclient,notmyboyfriend.

WhywasIagreeingtothis?

Still,thesensationofwetfabricagainstmyskinwasgross,soIshutmyselfinhis

roomandchangedfrommytanktopintohisloosert-shirt.Itwashugeonme,soItiedthe
sideintoaknotatmyhip.Itmademefeelbetter,andalsohadmestaringdownatmyself
alittlelongerthananormal.

Softgray,theshirthuggedmytitsbeforelooseningaroundmystomachand

tighteningattheself-craftedhipknot.Thematerialmetmyshortsatthemostflattering
point,andIswallowedasIpushedmywetbangsawayfrommyforehead.

TonighthadshownmeexactlywhyIdidn’twantchildren.

IopenedthedoorandalmostcollidedwithBrantleyinthehall.Webothstilled,

eachofushalf-gaspingaswealmosttouched.

“IneedtoputElitobed,”hesaidsoftly.

“Right.Sure.”Islippedtotheside.“Goodnight,Eli.”

HepeeredoutfrombehindBrantleywithashysmile.“Night,Kali.”

Ismiledalittlewiderandgrippedthebanister.Hisgolden-brownhairwasstill

damp,butBrantleyusheredhimintotheroomallthesame.Heworenothingbutfitted,
navypantsandawhiteshirt.He’dunbuttonedtheshirtandrolledthesleevesuptohis
elbows.

Awkwardly,Ihoveredhalfwaydownthestairs.

DidIstay?DidIgo?Iwaswearingmyclient’st-shirt.Somanythingswerewrong

withthissituation.

“Daddy?”Ellieshuffledoutofherroom.“Ineedapwat.”

Brantleypokedhisheadoutofthedoor.“Canyougivemeacoupleminutes,

princess?”

Shepouted.

“Youwantaplait?”thewordsleftmymouthwithoutwarning.

Ellienoddedatme.

“Icandoyourhair,”Isaidsoftly.

Ellie’seyeswidenedandshelookedatBrantley.

Heshrugged.“IfKalicandoit,thensure.”

Inoddedandsmiled.“Comeon,Ellie.GrabmeahairbrushandtieandI’lldoitfor

you.”

Ifollowedherintoherroomandsatontheedgeofherbedwithmylegsparted.She

stoodbetweenmylegslikeshe’ddoneitathousandtimes,handingmethebrushandtie
withoutmovingherhead.

Gently,Ibrushedherwethair.Itmovedinthickstreaksuntilallknotshadgone,

andIseparateditintothreetobraidit.Left,right,left,right,leftright,left,right.Lockby
lock,Ibraidedherhairuntiltheperfectplaitlaydownthecenterofherback.

Itiedtheendofit,endingthebraidwithafewswifttwistsoftheband.

“Allright,”Brantleysaidsoftly.“Intobed,princess,okay?”

Ellienodded,turningbrieflytosmileatme.IfoughtmysmileasIstoodandheaded

backtowardthestairs.

Sheranherhanddowntheone,longbraidthatnowhungoverhershoulder.“Fanks,

Kawi.”

“You’rewelcome.”Ismiledandduckedoutoftheroom,headingdownstairssohe

couldputthemtobedinpeace.

Ituggedatthehemoftheshirt.Itwassoftandcomfortable,amilliontimesbetter

thanthewettanktop,therewasnodoubtaboutit.

Reachingthebottomofthestairs,Isighed,hoveringatthebottom,grippingonto

thebanister.Ididn’twanttoleave,butIalsoknewIcouldn’tstay.WhatdidIsay,though?
DidIoffertowashtheshirtandbringitbackthenextday?

God,whydidIacceptthatidea?

Iwanderedintothekitchen.FloorboardscreakedabovemyheadasBrantleymoved

around,andIleanedagainstthecounter,pickingmyphoneupandcheckingit.Ihada
hundredandonenotifications,includingemailsfromclientsandpotentialonesandtexts
frommymomdemandingtoknowtherealreasonIbailedtonight.

Fuckingawesome.

Thewomancouldseerightthroughme.

Iignoredthemessageandrepliedtoanemailrequestingaquoteforacustom-made

bookshelf.ThatwasDad’sterritory,butIdidn’tthinkmymomwouldappreciateme
ignoringherandtextinghim,sothatwouldgoontomorrow’sto-dolist.

“Hey.”Brantleyappearedinthekitchen.

Ijumped,almostdroppingmyphone.Myheartthunderedwiththeshockofhis

arrival.

Hefoughtalaugh.“Sorry.Ididn’tmeantoscareyou.”

Ipressedmyhandtomychestandwavedmyphoneinadismissiveway.“Working.

Ihaveemailsoutmyass.”

“That’saninterestinganalogy.”Hepausedrightinfrontofme.“Ihavetoadmit,

that’sthefirsttimeI’veseenashirtofminewornthatway.”

Iglancedattheknotatmyhip.“Oh—sorry.Ididn’tmeantostretchit.Ididn’t

think.”

Imovedtoundoit,buthegrabbedmyhand,laughing.

“Don’tworryaboutit,Kali.It’sanoldshirt.Wearithoweveryouwant.”

Myskintingledwherehishandhadholdofmine.Upanddownmyarm,acrossmy

palm,acrossmyknuckles…Ipracticallybuzzedwiththesensationofhishotskinagainst
mine.

Ipulledmyhandfromhisandtookatinystepback.“Thanks.I’llwashitandreturn

it,Ipromise.”

“Don’tworry.”Hislipstuggedtotheside.Onceagain,hiseyesrovedoverme,

flickingdowntothefadedimageonthefrontoftheshirtforasecond.“Iwantedtosay
thankyouforhelpingmeouttonight.YouhavenoideahowmuchIappreciateit.”

Mycheeksheatedslightly.“It’sokay.Imean,IhavetobehonestandsayIprobably

won’trushtodoitagain…”

Hislaughtercutmeoff.“Don’tworry—Itoldthemthatiftheydothisagain,they’ll

havetoreschedule.”

“Andtheydidn’tcare?”

“They’renotallowedtocare.I’mtheheadofthedepartment.Theyhavetodowhat

Isay.”Hegrinned,pushingoffthecounterandheadingforthefridge.

“Ah,well,Icanseehowthatwouldbeuseful.”

“Youcouldsaythat.”Hepaused.“Hey…Ididn’tgetachancetoeatyet.Iwas

goingtoorderin.Doyouwanttojoinme?”

Fordinner?

That’snotinmy“distance”plan.

“I…Ireallyshouldbegoinghome.”Iswallowed.“But,thankyouforasking.That’s

sweet.”

Hesmirked,pullingabeerbottlefromthefridge.“Okay,I’llrephrase.I’mordering

pizzabecausethereisn’tasingleboneinmybodythatwantstofuckingcook,andyou
shouldtellmewhatpizzayoulike,becauseI’mbuyingyoudinner.”

“Oh,boy,that’sthemostromanticproposalI’vehadallmonth.”

“I’mguessingyou’reapepperonigirl.”

“That’spresumptuous.”

“AmIwrong?”

Ihesitated.“Yes.”

Turquoiseeyesflickedacrossmyface.“You’reaterribleliar.”

“Itry.”Ipushedmystill-damphairbehindmyear.Kids.“Honestly,it’sfine.”

HepushedthefridgedoorshutandusedamagnetintheshapeofColoradostateto

uncaphisbeer.Hereplaceditonthedoorwithaclick.“Didyoueattonight?”

Iwenttoanswer,butnothingcameout.

Brantleyraisedaneyebrow.“I’lltakethatasano.”

“It’sfine,”Iinsisted.“Icangohomeandheatsomethingrealquick.Youmightnot

besurprisedtoknowthatmystepmomregularlyhandsmeTupperwaretubsoffood.”

Hepaused.“Yourstepmom?”

Crap.Hedidn’tknowPortiawasn’tmyrealmom.Iforgotthatnoteverybodyknew

that.

“Um,yeah.”Isetmyphonedownandmyhandsinstantlywenttofidgetwiththe

hemofmyshirt.“Mymomisn’tmyrealmom.”

Heblinkedatme.“Now,I’mdefinitelyorderingpizza.”

“No,you—”

HelefttheroombeforeIcouldfinishmysentence.Ichasedafterhim,butbythe

timeIjoinedhiminthelivingroom,Iwasgreetedbythesoundof“Hi,yes,I’dliketo
placeanorderfortwopizzas,please.”

I’dlostthisround.

Fine.

Iwasared-blooded,humanwoman.

Iwasn’tgoingtoturndownfreepizza.

Myasswouldn’tthankmeforit,butyoucouldbetyoursthatmysoulwouldthrow

afuckingparty.

Brantleysmirkedasheplacedtheorderandhandedoverhiscarddetails.Honestly,

hewasluckyIhadaterriblememory.IfIhadabetterone,I’dbeabletobuymorethan
justpizzaonhisdime.

Asitwas,Icouldn’tevenremembermyownphonenumber.Nevermindanycard

details.

Hehungupandputhisphoneonthecoffeetable.“Domeafavor?”

“Ialreadyletyoubuymedinnerwithoutcausingafuss.”

“Sitdownandletmegetyouwine.”

“Thatsoundsmorethananorderthanafavor.”

“Favor…Order…Interchangeable.”

Istaredathim.No,no,theyweren’t.“Actually,they’recompletelydifferent.A

favorissomethingagreeduponbetweentwopeople.Anorderissomethinggivenbyone
personandfollowedbytheother.”

“Interchangeable,”hereplied.”

“No.Thepersononthereceivingendoftheorderdoesn’thavetoagree.”

“Areyoualwaysthispedantic?”

Ipaused.“Onlyifthepersontellingmethingsisincorrect.”

“Byincorrect,youmean‘idiotic,’right?”

“Ah,look—youunderstandmemorethanyouthought.”

Laughterfilledtheroom.Thatdeep,raw,roughsoundthatforcedgoosebumpsonto

myarmsmadethehairsonthebackofmyneckstandonend.

Slow,easystepsclosedthedistancebetweenus.

“Kali.”Brantleysaidmynameslowly,sexily,temptingly.Hesethishandsonmy

shoulders,pullingmeforwardasifmyfeetwerenothingmorethanhisslaves,untilI
stoodinfrontofthesofa.“Sit,”hesaid,pushingmedown.

Isat.

Heleftmethere,sittinginsilencewhilehewenttothekitchenandintothefridge.

Acupboard,aclink,theswishofafridgeclosing.

Returningtothefrontroom,Brantleyputaglassofwhitewineinfrontofme.He

droppedhimselfonthesofa,hisbeerdrippingwithcondensationasheputitonthetable.

“Justone,”hesaid.“Iknowyoudrove.It’stheleastIcandoafteryoulookedafter

myhellions.”

“They’reweren’ttoobad,”Isaidhonestly.“But,shit.IfeellikeIcouldrefereean

internationalsoccertournamentafterthis.”

“Don’t.Theydivealot.”

“They’reongrass.Howcantheydive?

Hestaredatme.“Youdon’twatchsoccer,doyou?”

“No.Baseballiswherethetightpantsareat.”

Heleanedbackonthesofaandlaughedatme.“Ofcourse.Allright—nevermind.

Tellmeaboutyourmom.Stepmom?”

Ishifteduneasily.IneverreallytalkedaboutPortiaormymom.Everyonehere

knewaboutmyfamily,soitwasneveranissue.

“Yeah,”Isaidslowly.“Butshe’sjustmymom,really.”

ChapterThirteen

Helookedatme.Notjudgingly.Notevenexpectantly.Patiently.Waitingformeto

elaborate.

Iwasreadytorespondwhentherewasaknockatthedoor.Iknewthatwasthe

pizza—therewasonlyonepizzaplaceinRockBayandtheypridedthemselvesonsuper-
fastdelivery.

Freaky-fastdelivery,actually.

Brantleygotupandtooktheboxesfromtheyoungguywhowasresponsibleforit.

Thedoorclickedshut,andItuckedmylegsbeneathmybuttashesettheboxesonthe
coffeetableinfrontofus.

“Eatit,”hesaid.“It’smythankyouforhelpingme.Iknowyou’rehungry.”

Iglancedbetweentheboxandhim.Iwashungry,nodoubtaboutit,buttherewas

somethingabouthimbuyingmefoodthatdidn’tsitright.Nothingnefarious,butitfelt…
weird.

Still,Islidtheboxfromthetabletothesofainfrontofme.

Silently,Ipickedoffasliceofpepperoni,watchingasthehot,stringycheese

desperatelytriedtokeepitsprisonersafeontheslice.

Weate.Bothofus.Questionsfadedinthesilenceweshared.

Or,soIthought.

“Portia.Yourstepmom?”Brantley’squestioncameagainafterthreeslices.

Man,hewasn’tgoingtoletitlie,washe?

Ishutthelidofmyboxandoutitbackonthetable.“Yep.”

“Youdon’twanttotalkaboutit,doyou?”

“Ineverhaveto,”Iadmitted.“Everyonehereknowseverythingaboutme.That’s

whatlivinginasmalltowndoestoyou.”

“Idon’tknow,”hesaidsoftly.“ButI’dliketo.”

Icastmygazeoverhim.Overthatdarkhairandthosefulllipsandthatstubbleand

thosestrongshoulders.

Thosecompellinglybrighteyes.

“MymomdiedwhenIwasfive.”Ipulledmywineglassontomylap.

Brantleytookadeepbreath.“I’msorry.”

Idrainedtherestofthewineandlookedattheemptyglass.Wordsdancedonthe

endofmytongue,teasingandplaying.Inthetimethey’ddonethat,Brantleyhadgotten
upandreturnedwiththebottle.

Hefilledmyglass.“Ididn’tknow.”

“Whywouldyou?”Icradledthenow-fullglassinmyhands.“Youjustmoved

here.”

“True.”

Ilookedawayfromhim,sippingslowly,focusingonanythingbuthim.Anything

buthisgraysweatsandwhiteteesandmusclesthatwantedtodistractmefromreality.

“Whendidyoumeether?Yourstepmom?”Brantleyasked,voicesoftlikesilk.

“Howoldwereyou?”

Ididn’tevenglanceathimwhenIsaid,“Thirteen.”

“Really?”

Inodded.Once.“Ihatedherforthreemonths,thenshebecamemybestfriend.

She’sbeenmymomeversince.”

“YoucallherMom?”

Side-eyeinghim,Ismiled.“Ofcourse.Iwassoyoungwhenmymomdied.Meand

Dadwerealoneforyears.PortiacamealongwhenIneededhermost,andit’sjusthowwe
are.She’smymom,butshe’sadifferentkindofmom.She’llneverreplacemymother.”

Brantleytiltedhisheadtotheside.“Interesting.Iloveyourperspectiveonit.It’s

very…openandhonest.”

Ibroughtmyglasstomylipsandsipped.“Idon’tthinkit’smyperspective.It’sjust

howitis.”

“Yousayitlikeit’snothing.”

“Onthecontrary,it’severything.”Ipulledbothlegsupontothesofaandcrossed

them,Indian-style.Thebaseofmyglassrestedonmyankles,andIstaredintothe
swirlingmassofmywine.“Portiawastherewhennobodyelsewas.Sheguidedmewhen
Iwasalone.ShewasthefriendandsupportIneededwhenmyfatherwaslost.Our
relationshipisn’tperfect,butshe’sthebestfriendI’veeverknown.”

Brantleynoddedslowly.Hetippedhisbeerbottleup,drainingwhatwasinsideit.

Wordlessly,hegotup,retreatingtothekitchen.Icradledmyglassandstaredatwhere
he’dleftuntilheappearedagain.

Hehandedmethebottleofwine.

Againstmybetterjudgement,Ipoured.

Isetthehalf-emptybottlebackonthetable.

Hepoppedthecapofanotherbeer.Settledback.Sipped.Sighed.Breathedeasy.

“Movingonishard,”hesaidquietly,staringintothebrown-tintedneckoftheBudweiser
bottle.“Sometimesitseemsimpossible.Youjustmademefeellike,oneday,mykidswill
feelsomekindofhappiness.”

“Youthinktheyaren’thappy?”

“Iknowtheyaren’t.”

“You’rewrong.”

Hehitmewithhisbrightgaze.“Youthink?”

“Iknow.”Iglancedintomyglassbeforeoureyesmetagain.“Lookatthem,

Brantley.Theyloveyou.”

“Sure,theydo.Buthappinessissomethingelse.”

“They’rehappywithyou.Anyonewithabraincellcanseethat.”

Hestaredatme.

Reallystaredatme.

Movedclosertome,closingthedistancebetweenus.

“You’reagreatdad,”Isaidsoftly,cradlingmywineglass.“Youhavetoknowthat.”

“Ido,”hereplied.“ButIhavenochoice.I’magreatdadbecauseIhavetobe.

Becausewithoutmetheyhavenobody.”

“Youdon’tbelieveinyourselfenough.”Iturnedmyheadandfinishedwhatwasin

myglass.Itclinkedagainstthecoffeetable.“You’reanamazingfatherbecauseyoulove
thembeyondanythingIcouldeverunderstand.”

Hemetmyeyes.“Youknowlove,Kali.Iwatchedyoubraidmydaughter’shair

earlier.”

“Outofkindness.”Iswallowedhardandputmyglassdown.“Youwerebusy.She

wantedherhairbraided.Itwaseasy.”

Weird,tobeprecise.

Buteasy,sure.

Brantleyswiggedhisbarely-touchedbeerandputitdown.Hissighechoedoffthe

walls.

Ishouldn’tbehere.

Iputmyglassonthetable,closingmybarely-touchedpizza.Ihadtogohome.His

intentionshadbeengoodinbuyingmedinner,butthiswaswrong.MostlybecauseIdidn’t
reallywanttoleaveatall.

IlookeddownasIshuffledtowardtheedgeofthesofa.“Ishouldgo.I—”

“Kali.”Hereachedformeashesaidmyname.Hisfingersbrushedmylowerarm,

andItookadeepbreathin.

Brantley’shandraisedthenfell,hoveringclosetomyhairalmostasifhewasgoing

topushitbehindmyear.

Itookadeepbreathin.

Iwantedhimtokissme,butatthesametime,Iknewthatifhedid,I’dprobably

neverbeabletolookhimintheeyeagain.

“Don’t,”hesaidsoftly.“Youdon’thavetoleave.”

“Ido,I—”Thewordscaughtinmythroat.

Heglancedatmylips,andmytongueflickedoutacrossmylowerone.Hisjaw

twitchedashebroughthisgazebackuptomine.

Myheartthunderedagainstmyribs.

Yeah.Ineededtoleave.ButIcouldn’t.Iwasbasicallyfrozeninplace,eyesfocused

firmlyonthemesmerizingblueofBrantley’s.

Then—hedidit.

Touchedhislipstomine.

Kissedme.

Hishandsframedmyface,holdingmeinplace.Notthatheneededto.Icouldn’t

moveawayevenifIwantedto,becausehereIwas,leaningintohim,intothekiss,intohis
touch.

Hepulledback.Hislipshoveredinchesfrommine.Idrewinasharpbreath.His

handswerestillonmycheeks,andtherewasnowayhecouldn’tfeelthewaytheyheated
beneathhistouch.

Brantleymetmyeyesforasplitsecond,thenhekissedmeagain.Thistime,one

handslippedaroundthebackofmyneck.Myscalptingledashewoundhisfingersinmy
hair.

Thiskisswasharder,needier,moreinsistentthanthelast.

Likehe’dtestedthewater,andnow,hewasreadytodrown.

Ileanedrightintohim.Myfingersfoundhisshirtandrestedonhisstomach,fisting

thesoftcottonofhistee.

Closerandcloserwebecame.Hisotherhandtraineddownmybody,slidingaround

myback,pullingmeagainsthim.Histongueflickedattheseamofmymouth,andIlet
himkissmedeeper.

LethimdragmefurtherintotheregretIknewI’dfeelthesecondthisstopped.

Ididn’tcare.

Mywholebodywasalive.Skintingled,mychestburned,myheartbeatsocrazily

fastmypulsethunderedinmyears.

Everythingelsehadmeltedaway,justaslongashislipswereonmine.

Islidmyhandsuphisbody,cuppinghisneck.Ibarelyswallowedawhimperashe

draggedmylowerlipbetweenhisteeth,leaningbackonthecushionsandpullingmewith
him.

Hishandswentlower.Histhumbbrushedthebarestripofskinatthebaseofmy

backwherethet-shirtdidn’tquitemeetthewaistbandofmyshorts.Ishiveredatthe
fleetingtouch,and—

Ascreamrippedthroughtheair.

Agut-wrenching,ear-splittingscreamthathad,quitepossibly,justwokenthe

occupantsofthenearestgraveyard.

Theotherthingit’ddone?

BroughtbothmeandBrantleycrashingbackdowntoEarthwithonehellofa

fuckingthump.

“Fuck,”webothsaid.

But,Ibetitwasfordifferentreasons.

Ishuffledupthesofaashestoodandranoutoftheroom.Myheartwasstill

thumpingagainstmyribs,andIburiedmyfaceinmyhandsastherealityofwhathadjust
happenedfelldownontome.

Shit,shit,shit!

I’djustkissedmyclient.

Oh.

My.

God.

I’djustfuckingkissedmyclient,andLordabove,mybodydamnwellknewit,too.

Swollenlips,astruggletocatchmybreath—anachingfuckingclitoristhatthrobbed
insidemylittlelacypanties.

WhatthehellhadIdone?

Igrabbedmyphoneandstoodup.Icouldn’tseemyshirt,notthatIcouldwearit.

AtleastIhadn’tdrunksomuchwineIcouldn’tdrive.

God,IwishI’dhadmorewine.ThatmighthavemadethefactIjustkissedmy

clienteasiertobare.Blameitonthewineandnotmyinnerslut.

Yup.

Shit.

Iclutchedmyphonetomychestandwenttothehallwaytograbmykeysfromthe

bowlwhereI’dthrowntheminmyefforttohustlethekidsinsidewithoutlosingoneof
them.Theyclinkedandscrapedagainsttheglassbowl.

Thestairscreaked.

Ihesitated,handonthedoorhandle,andturnedmyheadbacktowardthestairs.

Brantleystoodhalfwaydown,leaningagainstthewall.Hishandgrippedthe

banister,makinghisknuckleswhite.Hishairprobablylookedinbettershapethanmine,
andhisshirtwasstupidlycrinkledwhereI’dgrabbedit.

“Everythingokay?”Iaskedlamely.

Henodded.“Ellie.Thoughttherewasacrocodileunderthebed.”

Mylipsstilltingledwherehe’dkissedme.

Four-year-olds:takingyoufromkissingtocrocodilesinunderasecond.

“Right.Gladshe’sfine.I,um…”Ipaused,glancingawaybriefly.“IthoughtI

shouldgo.It’sgettinglateandstuff,so…”

Christ,Kali.Justsaygoodbyeandbedonewithit.

Hedidn’treply.Juststaredatmewithhisunnaturallyturquoiseeyes—eyesthat,ifI

stoodthereformuchlonger,wouldprobablybeabletoseerightthroughme.

So,Ileft.

IwalkedthroughthedoorasquicklyasIpossiblycouldwithoutrunning,gotinmy

truck,andgotthehelloutoftherebeforeIdidanythingelsestupid.

ChapterFourteen

Jaydablinkedatme.“Well,you’reanidiot.”

Igroanedandwrappedmyhandsaroundthecoffeecup.“Iknowthat.Itoldyou

thatlikefivetimes.”

Sheleanedbackagainstmykitchencounter,pickingupherownmug.“Ican’t

believeI’mhereatsevena.m.inmypajamasbecauseyoucan’tkeepyourmouthto
yourself.”

Idroppedmyheadsomychintouchedmychestandclosedmyeyes.“Ididn’tkiss

himdeliberately.”

“No,no.I’msureyouslippedonabananapeelandyourmouthlandedonhis.”

“Hekissedme.”

“Thatmakestheworldofdifference.”

“Iknowitdoes.Thankyou.”

Shestaredatme.“Kali…That’scalledsarcasm.”

“Iknow.”Iproppedmychinuponmyhand.“I’mpretendingitwasn’tsoIfeel

betteraboutmymonumentalfuckup.”

Jaydapushedoffthecounterandjoinedmeatthetable.“Isitreallythatbad?So,

youkissedtheguy.He’shandsome,he’ssingle—you’resingle.Whoareyouhurting?”

“Well,nobody,but—”

“Suckitup,buttercup.Ifyoudon’twantittobeawkward,putyourmouthbackin

itscage.”

“It’sthenumberonerule,”Isaidbeforeshecouldcarryonwithherspeechthat

wouldultimatelyendwithtellingmetopullupmybiggirlpanties.“Don’tmixbusiness
withkissing.”

“You’renotverygoodatfollowingtherules.”

“Noshit.Sherlockbetterwatchout,oryourabilitytostatetheobviousisgoingto

puthimoutofajob.”

Shewavedherhand.“Cumberbatchwilltakeonelookatmeandnotmindatall.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Still,thepointremains.Don’tgetinvolvedwithclients.Italways

endsindisaster.”

“Um,didn’tyourdadmeetPortiaonajob?”

Ipaused.

Sheraisedaneyebrow.

“Yes,”Isaidslowly.“Buttheydidn’tgetinvolveduntilafterhewasdone.”Another

pause.“I’mprettysure.”

“Youbelievethatifitmakesyoufeelbetter,honey.”

“Don’thoneyme.Theonlypersonwhodoesthatismymomandshe’snota

sarcasticbitchlikeyou.”

Jaydagrinned,hermake-upfreeeyescrinklingattheedges.“Yourcomplimentis

heardandaccepted.”

Iflippedherthebird.“WhatamIsupposedtodonow?Ihavetoshowuptodayand

startpaintingandhe’sgoingtobethere.WhatamIsupposedtosaytohim?”

Shetappedablood-rednailagainstthetable.“I’dstartwithgoodmorning.”

Ohmygod.Shewassofuckingsarcastic.Iwasgoingtopinherdownandforce

somegenuineshitoutofhersoon.

“Thanksfortheadvice,Dr.Phil.Ihadn’tthoughtofthat,”Isaiddryly.“Butafter

that?“SorryIletyoukissmelastnight?Itwon’thappenagain?Howdareyoukissme
youbastard?””

Shetoyedwithalockofherhair.“Intheinterestofkeepingthisjob,nixthelast

idea.”

“Atleastyoufinallyansweredsensibly.”

Sherolledhereyes,plantedherforearmsonthetable,andleanedforward.“Kali.

Youkissedhim.Sowhat?You’ddonehimafavor,hethankedyouwithpizza,andyou
bothgotcarriedaway.It’snevergoingtohappenagainbecauseyou’retooprofessionalfor
that.Youweren’tworkingwhenyoukissed,soyoudidn’tbreaktherules,technically
speaking.”

“Ilikehowyou’velaidthatout.”

“You’rewelcome.”Shenoddedwithasolemnlookonherface.“Now,yougetover

it.Showuplikenothinghappenedanddoyourjob.Ifhe’satwork,problemsolved.Ifnot,
hehaskidstolookafterandwillleaveyoualone.”

Yeah,no.Shedidn’tknowEllieandEli.

“Justdealwithit.You’rebothadults,you’reunattached,andyou’refreetokiss

whoeveryoulikeinyourpersonaltime.Endoffreakout.”

Thatwaseasyforhertosay.

Itookadeepbreathandslowlyletitgo.“Allright.Whatyou’resayingis,showup,

actlikeitdidn’thappen,andpraylikefuckhe’sworkingintheofficetoday.”

Shewassilentforamoment.Then,shepursedherlipsandnodded.“That’sthegist

ofit,yeah.”

“Ugh.”

“Hey,itcouldbeworse,”shesaid,swipingthescreenonherphonetounlockit.

“CheckthismessageIgotfromawannabeCasanovalastnight.”

IslidherphonetowardmeandswiveleditsoIcouldread.““Hey,sawyourprofile.

You’rehot,””Iread.““Wannahavedinner?Don’twearunderwear,youwon’tneedthem
wherewe’regoing.””Ifinishedinaslowertone.“Hewantedyoutogocommandoona
date?

“Right.”Shetookherphoneback.“WhenImessagedhimback—”

“Whydidyoudothat?”

“Curiosity.Whydidn’tIneedunderwear?Wereweseeingagyno?That’stheonly

reasonIthinkunderwearisuseless,”shesaid.“Duh.So,Imessagehimback,andhetells
mehehasaleathersofaperfectforfuckingon.”

Ifrowned.“Hewantedyoupanty-lessonhisleathersofa?”

“Basically.”

“Doesn’theknowourvaginascleanthemselves?There’snothingremotely

comfortableaboutnotwearingpanties.Andyousureashelldon’tneedtobepanty-less
onaleathersofa.Nobodywantstocleanthatup.”

Jaydamadeagunwithherthumbandtwofingersandpointeditatme.“Boom.

There’smyreply.Thanks.”

Iblinked.“He’snotgoingtodateyouafteryousaythat.”

“Oh,Iknow.That’sagoodthing.But,hey—atleastyou’renotfreakingoutabout

HotDadanymore.”

Famouslastwords.

***

Ohmygod,Iwasgoingtobesick.

Iwasadreadfuladult.Iwasaterriblebusinesswoman,adreadfuladult,andan

inconsideratehumanbeing.

Allright,no,Iwasn’t.ButIfeltlikeit.

Iwasdefinitelygoingtobesick,though.

Nodoubtaboutit.

Thatwasdramatic.Anduntrue.Ohmygod,whatwaswrongwithme?Jaydawas

right.Wewereadultswhokissed.IwastheretodaytodoajobandIhadtodothat.

Iwishdoingthingswereaseasyassayingthem.

Thenagain,ifthathappened,IwouldhavegivenupTwizzlersyearsago.

IpulledupnexttoBrantley’scaronthedrive.Thefactthecarwastherewasn’t

evenremotelyreassuringtomyhopethathe’dbeattheofficeagaintoday.

Mindyou,himgoingtotheofficehadledtothekiss…

Man,Iwasbetweenarockandahardplace.AndtheonlyhardplaceIlikedbeing

upagainstwasapenis.

Itookadeepbreathandgotoutofthecar.Iworemyusualuniformofdenim

shorts,awhitetank,andaplaidshirt.Ihadtoownmoreplaidshirtsthantheguysin
Outlanderdidkilts,butIlikedthem.Forwork,thatwas.

IrememberedtograbBrantley’sshirt—thatI’dwashedanddriedovernight—from

thepassengerseat.Foldingitupsmaller,IhelditagainstmystomachasIlockedthetruck
andheadedtowardthefrontdoor.

Knock,knock,knock.

“Comein,Kali!”Brantleyshoutedfromsomewhereinside.

Istaredatthedoorhandlelikeitwantedtoeatme.

Thedoorswungopenofitsownaccord.

And,standingthere,infrontofme,wasEli.Wearingnothingbutstripedunderwear,

rainboots,andasuperherocape.Aredmasktheexactcolorofthecapecoveredhiseyes.

Iblinkedathim.

“Kawi!”hesaidenthusiastically.“Comein!”

“Um,thankyou?”Isteppedinside.“Nice…outfit?”

HebeamedatmelikeI’dpaidhimthegreatestcomplimentever.Then,hepulled

someninja-moves,slicinghisarmsthroughtheairbeforeheliftedhislegandkickedthe
doorshut.“Kachow!I’mNinja-Man!”

“Eli!”Brantleygroaned.“WhathaveItoldyouaboutkickingdoorsshut?”

Elispedintothefrontroomandheldhishandsbeforehiminaready-to-attack

position.“Ninja-Mandoesn’thaverules!Zoom!Zoom!Zoom!”Heranaroundtheroom
incircles.

Elliesatinthearmchair,wearingaglitterytutuandacrown.Satiny-lookinggloves

coveredherhandsandarmsuptoherelbows,andbothwristsandseveralfingerswere
adornedwithplasticjewelry.

Ah.

Theywereplayingdress-up.

WhyEliwaswearingunderwearandrainbootswassomethingIwasinterestedin,

though.

“Hi.”Brantleyshotmeawearyandawkwardsmile.

“Hi.ShouldIask?”

“Asarule…no.”

“Hi,Kawi!I’mapwincess!Youhastocurt-sawtome.”

Brantleyclappedhishandagainsthisforehead.“Curtsey,Ellie.See,notsaw.”

Shefrownedandlookedathim.“Curt-sawingismorefun.Looksee.”Shejumped

upandbentherknees,thenrockedsidetoside.“See?That’sacurt-saw.”

Iblinkedather.

Shehadapoint.

Brantleyclearlyfeltsimilarlytome.“Awesome.WouldHerHighnessenjoyafruit

snack?”

“Acandysnack,”Elliecountered.

“Zoom,zoom,zoom!”Eliheldhisarmsoutwide,grippinghiscape,andranright

betweenwhereElliewasstandingandBrantleywaskneelingonthefloor.

Brantleyeyedhim.“Someonealreadyfoundthecandy,soit’sfruitornothing,I’m

afraid.”

Ahh.

Thatmadesomuchmoresense.

“Allright.Well,then.I’mgoingtoheadonupstairsandgetstarted.”Icockedmy

thumbovermyshoulderinthegeneraldirectionofthestairs.“I’llleaveyouto…this.”

Brantleycoughedtocoveralaughandshotmeathumbup.“Thanks.Yoursupport

isnoted.”

Ishrugged,smirked,anddisappearedupstairs.

Thankgodforthat.

TherewasonlysomuchIcouldtakeoflookinghimintheeye.Especiallywhenhe

wasparticularlyexasperatedwiththetwins—andtherewasnowayhewasn’tgivenEllie’s
curt-sawsandEli’sapparentlyintensesugarhigh.

Hell,Icouldstillhearhimzoom-zoomingaroundtheroomandBrantleyaskinghim

to“Pleasestopzoomingforamoment.”

Ihadalittlechuckleatthat.Hewasadifferentpersonwhenhewasovertheir

games—funnyyetserious,andtotallyadorableinhisfrustration.

Shit.

Wait.

No.

Abortthatlineofthinking,Kali.That’snotgoingtoleadanywhere.Nowheregood,

anyway.

Iretrievedmybrushes,roller,andtrayfromthebathtubandwentintoEllie’sroom.

Thepaintwas,obviously,completelydry,butnotasevenasI’dhaveliked.Thewallshad
beeninsuchbadconditionfrombadpaperingandpeelingpaperthatitwasgoingtotake
moreeffortthanI’dplannedtopaintitproperly.

Still,Igotstarted.

Mytoolsandthingswereinapileinthemiddleoftheroom.Iopenedmytoolbox

andpulledoutaflatscrewdrivertoopenthecanofpaint.Islippeditbeneaththelidand
pusheddown,poppingitopen.

Thebubblegum-pinkwasalmostpainfultolookout,evenforsomeonelikemewho

likedpink,butIpoureditintothetrayandgrabbedaroller.

Iglancedatthedoor.Therewassomekindofaruckusdownstairsaboutwhowas

better,princessesorsuperheroes.

Hmm.

Thatsoundedlikeitwasonlyamatteroftimebeforeaprincessinfiltratedmywork.

Rollerfirmlyinhand,Icrossedtheroomandshutthedoor.Thenshiftedmy

toolboxinfrontofit.

There—itwasnowchildandBrantley-proof.

Hopefully.

***

Knock,knock.

“Kawi?”

Irolledpaintontothewall.

“Kaaaawwwwiiiii?”

Igrittedmyteeth.

Moreknocks.

Quicker,endlessknocksthatwentonuntilIfeltlikemybrainwasreadytoexplode.

“Yes?”Icalled.“I’mbusy,Ellie.”

“Iwannaseemywoom.”

“It’snotdone.”Ithadbeentwohours.Ihaven’tevendonethetwobiggestwalls

yet.

“Pwease.”

Judgingbythemuffledhuffandbangagainstthedoor,she’dslumpedagainstit.

“Where’syourdad?”

“Makingmeachocwatsammich,”shereplied.“Iwannasee.”

“Youshouldgocheckonlunch,”Ireplied.

“I’mapwincess,youknow.YouhadtodowhatIsay.”

LasttimeIchecked,thiswasarepublic,butwhatever…

Isettherollerinthetray,pushedmytoolstotheside,andopenedthedoor.

Shestoodthere,poutingforallitwasworth,armsfoldedacrossherchest.Hertutu

stuckoutalmostataninety-degreeangle,andshehadnowadoptedsomeplastic,backless,
dress-upshoesthat,inthecolorblue,wereatoddswithherpinkoutfit.

“Ellie,”Isaidsoftly.“Ihavetogetmyworkdone,okay?”

“Paintingisn’twort.It’sfun.”

“Ifyou’refour.”Itappedhernose.“Butpaintingroomsispartofmyjob.So,it’s

work.Canyouletmedoit?”

Sheleanedtotheside,hertinyhandgrippingthedoorframe.“Okay,butIdon’t

wanna.”Shepoutedandstalkedoff,sulking.

Idroppedmyhead.Ifeltguilty,buttherewasnowayIcouldhaveherinhere.

Turningbacktomyroller,Icoateditinpaint,andpickeditup.

“Ellie,”Iheardmyselfsay.“Comehere.”

Damnit,self.

Sheappearedasifbymagic,ahuge,hopefulgrinstretchedacrossherface.“Yeah?”

Isighed.“Youcanstay,butyousitquietly,andyoumustputonsomeproper

clothes.”

Frowning,shestareddownatherself.“Oh.”

Shelookedsosad,Iwasprettysureshewasgoingtochangehermindabout

wantingtobeinherewithme.

“Okay,”shesaidafteramomentofsilence.“Igetchanged.”

Iblinked,watchingherasshedisappeared.

Aglobofpaintfellofftheendofmyrollerandhitmybarefoot.

AndthatwasreasonnumberonewhyIdidn’twantEllieintheroom.

Icouldn’tfocusforthelifeofme.

AnothersighescapedmylipsasIturnedandwipeditoffmyfootwithmyfingers.I

awkwardlyflickeditbackintothetray,beforewipingmyfingersonmythighawkwardly.

Icouldhavegonetowashmyhandsinthesink,but…Actually,Ihadnoreasonfor

whyIdidn’t.OtherthantheriskofElliebeinginthisroom,alone,withpaint,Iwasjust
beinglazy.

“Hey—didyousayElliecouldcomeupherewithyou?”

Isquealed,droppingtheroller.Itlandedsmackontopofbothofmyfeetbefore

flippingontothefloorandcoatingtheoldwoodintheteeth-gratinglysweetpinkpaint.

“Shit!”Iturned.“Oh,crap!Issheuphere?”

Brantleysurveyedmyfeet,thenthefloor,thenranhiseyesupmybody.They

lingeredalittleonmythighs,andIwasgoingtobelieveitwasbecauseoftherandom
pinkstripesonthem.

Imean,itprobablywas.WhywasIeventhinkingthatitwouldn’tbe?

Hislipspulledtooneside.“No,she’snotuphere.You’reallgood.”

“ThankGod.”Ibentoverandputtherollerbackinitstraysoitcouldthinkabout

themessit’dmadeofmyfeet—twice.“Yes,Ididsayshecouldcomeupherewithme.I
swearshehassomefreakyvoodoothatsendsmeonaguilttripeverytimeshedoesn’tget
whatshewants.”

Henoddedsolemnly.“Yeah.That’ssomethingtheyshouldreallymentionbefore

youhavekids.Thatyou’llspendtherestofyourlifefeelingguiltyforanythingfrom,
“No,youcan’thaveapuppy,”to“Youcannoteatthemoldycookieyouhidbehindthe
sofasixmonthsago.””

“Whywouldyoufeelguiltyaboutthat?”

“Theeyes.Theygetyoueverytime.Whichiswhythey’renotallowedapuppy.I

can’thavethreepeopletoguiltmeintostuff.”

“Thepuppywouldprobablyeatthecookie,though.It’dsolvethatproblem.”

“Thereisthat,”heagreed.

Wesharedasmile.

Itwasalittletoointimate.

Icoughedandbroketheeyecontact,gettingmyrolleronceagain.

“Doyouwantatowel,or…”Hepaused,andIpeeredoverathim.“Thepaint.It’s,

um…You’recoveredinit.”

Iglancedatmyfeetandmylegs.“Ithappens.Todaymorethanusual.”

“Youknowyoudon’thavetohaveEllieuphere,don’tyou?Youcantellherno.I’ll

eventellhernoandtaketheguilt-tripforyou.”

Ilaughedandstartedpaintingagain.“It’sfine.She’llprobablygetboredof

watchingmeanddisappearwithoutmeknowingit.”

Hemetmyeyesandheldmygazeforalong,hardsecond.“Youroptimism.Itkills

me.”Then,heturnedandleft.

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Ishoutedovermyshoulder.

Hisanswer?Abarkinglaughthatmademeshiver.

AtleastIwasn’ttooawkwardinthatconversation.Thatwasawin.

ChapterFifteen

“AnnenItoldDaddythatifhewon’tbuymetheCindewewacastleformybirssday

IcryandaskSantabutSantaisbeforemybirssdaybutIdon’twannawaitforSantaormy
birssdayIweallywantitnow.”Elliepausedtotakeadeepbreath,andbeforeIcould
interjectsomebullshitcommentaboutpatience,shestartedagain.“Ewigothissuperhewo
caveandthetwiceratops.It’snotfair.”

Istaredather,paintbrushdrippingintothetray.

Now,Ihadtwooptionshere.Icouldresumemyoriginalattemptattalkingtoher

aboutpatience,butIhadthefeelingitwouldbefallingondeafears.

Maybebecauseshe’dstartedtalkingagain,whileIstoodhereandblinkedather.

Mysecondoptionwastomakesoothingnoisesofsympathyandagreementandnod

myheadalongwithherthatitwasn’tfair.

Or,athirdone,Icouldturnaroundanddomyjobandletherwhine.

Thatlastoneseemedright.Afterall,I’dalreadytunedherout.Asidefromadull

buzzing,Iwaswatchingherlipsmovingatthespeedoflight,butIwasn’thearingwhat
shewassaying.

Now,thatwasaskillIwasinterestedindevelopingfurther.

Iturnedbacktothewall,fakinganod,andfinishedmyedgingaroundthe

doorframe.Shetalkedtheentiretime.Momentaryflashesofpayingattentionsaidshe’d
gonefromcomplainingtotalkingabouthowrealunicornswereorthevalidityoffairies.

Itwasalong-asshalfanhour.

“Done!”Isaid,steppingawayfromthedoorwithaflourish.

Elliestoppedtalking.

Oops.

“CanIsweepherenow?”Sheturnedherheadsidetoside,staringoutoverthe

room.

“Uh…Notyet.Youneedanewfloor,andcurtains,andabed…”

Shehuffedfromherseatinthemiddleofthefloor.“CanEwisweepinhis?”

“Nope.I’mgoingtopaintitnow.”Iputthebrushinthetrayandpickeditup.Then,

Ipaused.“Doyouwanttohelpmecleanup?”

Shepursedherlips.“Cweanup?”

“Yeah.Ihavetowashthepinkpaintoffofthisstuff.”Igavethetrayaslightshake.

“Doyouwanttodothebrushesinthesinkforme?”

Sheclambereduptoherfeet,rushedtome,andpeeredintothetray.“Awwfwee?”

“Nottheroller.That’shard.Butsure,youcandothebrushes.”

Shehesitatedforonlyasecondbeforeshenoddedherheadandran.I’dbarely

steppedfootoutsideherbedroomwhenIheardhershout,“Ewi!Getoffthetoiwet!”

Okay.

MaybeIwasn’tgoingintothebathroomrightnow.

“No!I’mpooping!”Elishoutedback.

Thatwastoomuchinformation.

“Well,stoppooping!”cameEllie’sresponse.“Yousmellbad!”

Stilltoomuchinformation.

“Ican’tjuststoppooping,Ewwie.There’sstillpooinmytummy!”

“Okay!”Brantleycameupthestairs,takingthemtwoatatime.“That’syour

weeklyquotaofthe‘p’wordusedinabouttenseconds.Eleanor,letyourbrotherusethe
toilet.Elijah…Pleasestoptellingtheentireneighborhoodwhatyou’redoinginthe
bathroom.”

Isnorted,dippingmyheadsinceIwasstillholdingthetray.

Brantleyturnedtolookatme.“Oh,Jesus.I’msorryyouhadtohearthat.”

“SoamI,”Ireplied.

“Here,letmetakethis.I’llcleanitdownstairs.”Hegrabbedtheotherendofthe

tray.

“Icandoit.”Igentlytugged.

Hiseyebrowsshotup.“Youjustheardthatconversation.Letmedoit.Honestly.

Thinkofitasmyapologyforit.”

“It’sfine,honestly.It’lltakemeaboutfivesecondstodo,andI—”

Hegavethetrayagoodyankandpulleditrightoutofmyhands.“Thankyou.”

Myjawdropped.“Ididn’t—hey!”

Heignoredmecompletelyashewentdownthestairs.Istaredathisretreatingback

untilIcouldn’tseeitanymore.Iwasfrozenatthetopofthestairs,andwhileapartofme
wantedtochasehimdownandforcehimtoletmecleanthestuff,therestofmedidn’t
wanttobealonewithhim.

Wasitanywonderwhy?

Ileftit.TurnedandheadedintoEli’sroomwheretheblueandredcansofpaintand

afreshsetofbrushesandarollerwerewaitingforme.Afterall,Ididn’tneedthedirty
rollers,butIjustlikedtocleanthemwhiletheywerewet.

Ipouredtheredpaintintothetray.Elihadbeenveryclearhewantedthebigger

wallsredandthesmalleronesblue,soIlumpedatonofpaintintothetray,readytoget
started.

Itouchedtherollertothewall.Thesquelchingnoiseitmadeasittransferredthe

painttothewallalwaysmademecringeatfirst.Butnotquiteasmuchasthesoundof
EllieshoutingatElitowashhis“poopyhands.”

Yep.

ThatwasdefinitelytheworstthingI’dhearallday.

Ishudderedandcarriedonwiththepainting.I’dpushedthedooralmostclosed,and

theboardsoutsideinthehallcreaked.Therewasmuffledwhispering,andIbracedmyself
fortheonslaughtoftwotinypeople,butthen…

“Ellie.Eli.Downstairs!”

“But—”

“Down.Stairs!”

Therewasapause,thentherewastheunmistakablesoundoftwopeoplegoing

downstairs.

Ibreathedasighofrelief.

Thankyou,Brantley.

***

Thedoorcreakedopen.

Kneelingonthefloorwithmybrushdippedinthetrayfullofredpaint,Ipeeked

overmyshoulder.Elihoveredinthedoorway,hiseyeswidewithdelightashelookedat
thetwobright-bluewalls.

“Hi,”Isaidslowly.

Hejerkedhisattentiontomeandheldoutabottleofwater.“Daddysaidyoumight

wantsomewater.”

Actually,Idid.

Isetdownthebrushandmotionedhimtocomein.“I’dloveone.Thankyou.That’s

soniceofyoutobringmeit.”

Heblushed.Quickly,hehandedmethebottleandshuffledback.Hiseyesflitted

sidetosideagain,neverreallymakingeyecontactwithme.

Hewaslookingatthewallsagain.

“Doyouliketheblue?”Iaskedsoftly,tracingmygazeoverhisface.

Henodded.“Wots,”hewhispered.

Hisshynesssucker-punchedmeinthegut.NeverhadIknowntwinssopolar-

oppositeintheirpersonalities.

Thenagain,Elliespokesohedidn’thaveto.

“Doyouwanttoseethered,too?”

Henoddedagain,stuffinghishandsinthepocketsofhisshorts.

“Comehere.”Icappedthewaterbottle,setitdown,andshiftedoverforhimtosee.

“There’snotalot,becauseIjuststarteddoingtheedges.”

Hebentforwardatthewaist,lookingatthebottomcornerandwhereI’dstartedto

edgethecornerofthewall.“Whyareyoudoingthat?”

“Justattheedges?”

Morenodding.

“Well,it’squitetricky.It’stostopmegettingalotofpaintontheotherwallorthe

ceilingorbaseboardswiththeroller.Look—watch.”Iremovedexcesspaintfromthe
brushandgentlypaintedalittle,gettingthebristlesinatthecorner.“SometimesIusetape
tohelpme,butthisbluemightstillbealittlewet.”

“Isthatthetape?”Hepointedatthetapedbaseboards.

“Itis.Idon’tliketotakeitoffuntilthepaintisdry.Ithinktheotherwallmightbe

done.Wanttosee?”

Noddingagain.“Howdoesitwork?”

Idroppedthebrushandshuffledacrosstheroomonmyknees.“Ithelpsmegetthe

linesright.Idon’thavetobeascareful,becauseifIgetpaintonthetape,itdoesn’t
matter.”Ipinchedtheedgeofthetapeandslowlypulledit.“See?”

HebasicallyleanedrightontopofmeandwatchedasIgentlypeeledthetapefrom

thebaseboard.HemovedwithmeasIcrawledacrossthefloor.

“Yousee?It’saperfect,straightline.”Nearenough.

“Wow,”hebreathed,awefillinghistonewithlightness.“That’s‘mazin’.”

“Itis.Mydaddytaughtmethattrick.”

Eliturnedtome,eyeswidewithdelight,cheeksflushedwithexcitement.“Doyou

thinkmydaddyknowsthetapetwick?”

“Maybe.Ithinkalotofdaddiesknowit.”

“Wow,”herepeated.“Istheudderoneready?”

“Thetapeontheotherwall?”

Henodded.

“Notquite.Didyouwanttohelppeelitoff?”

Anothernod.Howdidhenothaveaheadache?

“HowaboutIcomeandgetyouwhenIthinkit’sready?”Ioffered.“It’llbebefore

bedtimetonight.”

I’dhavetore-tapetheseboardstomorrow,butohwell.

Eligazedoutatalltheboards.“Okay,”hesaidquietly.“Deal?”Hestuckouthis

tinyhand.

Itookitandshook.“Deal.”

“CanIwatchyoupaint?”

Ihesitated.Icouldn’tsayno,couldI?I’dletEllie.“Sure,”Isaid.“Aslongasyou

don’ttouchanything.”

Noddinghisagreement,hedroppedtositexactlywherehewasinthemiddleofthe

room.Hecrossedhislegsandputhishandsinhislap,staringatmeexpectantly.

Mylipstwitchedathisinterestinmywork.

IrememberedwhenIwasacoupleyearsolderthanhim,sittinglikethat,and

watchingmydaddoexactlywhatIwasdoingrightnow.

Iwassis.Mymomhaddiedninemonthsbefore.It’dbeenthefirstweekofsummer

andDadcouldn’tgetasitter.I’dbeenbroughttoworkundertherulesIwouldn’ttouch
anything,Iwouldn’tgoanywherewithouthim,andifIwasreallybored,Icouldpasshim
tools.

ThatwasthedayIgrewarealinterestineverythinghedid.ThedayIwasfirst

amazedthattwohandscouldchangeahousesomuchwithnothingmorethanloveand
dedication.

IglancedbackatEliandpickedupmybrushwithasmile.HesatsilentlyasI

painted.Ididn’tevenhearhimcough—notevenacreakofthefloorboards.IfIdidn’tturn
andcheckonhimeverynowandthen,Iwouldn’thaveguessedhewasthere—ormoving
togetabetterviewofwhatIwasdoing.

Itwaspeaceful.Andfun,almost.

UntilTornadoEllieblewin.

“Whatchadoooooooooing?”shesang,hoveringinthedoorway.

Elisighed.

“Painting,”Ireplied.

“CanIwatch?”

“No,”Elisaid.“Youwatchedyourwoom.”

“Iwannawatchyours,too.”

“No.”

“Kawi!”

Ishrugged,rollingthepainton.“Sorry,Ellie.It’suptoEli.Ithinkhe’shavingfun

watchingme.”

“Ihadfunwatchingyou,too!”

“Youaweadywatched,”Elisaidquietly.“Iwannawatchnow.”

Elliestompedherfootonthefloor.

“Ellie!”Brantleyshoutedfromdownstairs.“Youbetternotbeupstairs!”

“I’mnot,”sheshoutedback.

“Goaway,Ewwie,”Elisaid.

Ishookmyheadasshestompedherheadagain.Iwasfocusedonapatchofwallby

theceilingand,inmyattemptnottogetredonthewhiteceiling,Ididn’tknowuntilitwas
toolate.

“Nooo!Ewwie!Nooooo!”Elishrieked,stompingandthumpingashegotup.

Iturned.

And,fuck.

“Ellie!”Ididn’tmeantoshout,Ireallydidn’t.Butseeingherdeliberatelyand

spitefullyplantherred-paint-coveredhandsalloverthebluewallbecauseElisaidno
mademe.

Elicriedashepulledherawayfromthewallandpushedherover.Theybothwent

down,kickingintothetrayofbluepaint.

Ithappenedinslowmotion.

Theyhittheground.

Thetrayflickedupandover.

ThepaintsplatteredoverthefloorandthewallIintendedtobered.

Istoodthere,coveredinpinkandblueandredpaint,ontheoppositesideofthe

room,rollerinhand,drippingpaintonthefloor,andstaredatthetwins.

Theywerestillstruggling.Elliewasscreaming.Eliwasshouting.Andtheywere

bothcoveredinpaint.

“Whatthe—”Brantleystoppedinthedoorway,cheeksred.Slowly,heswunghis

gazefromthefightingtwinstome.“Whatthehellhappened?”

“Areyousureyouwantthatanswer?”Ireplied.

Hetookadeepbreath.Pickinghiswaybetweenthepaintsplatters,heseparatedthe

twins.Holdingthembothbythearm,oneinhislefthandandtheotherinhisright,he
kneltdownandstaredatthemboth.

Ellie’sfacewasbrightredfromscreaming.Eliwasstillcrying,andasanumberof

emotionsdancedoverBrantley’sexpression,Icouldseehewastornonhowtoreact.

“IjustwantedtowatchKawipaint,”Elisobbed,hiccuppinghalfwaythroughthe

sentence.

“Whathappened?”Brantleydemanded,turningtoEllie.

Myeyeswidenedabit.

Boy,thatwashard.

EvenIwantedtotellhimwhathappenedandhewasn’ttalkingtome.

“Elihitmefirst!”

“No,hedidn’t,”Iinterjected.Iputtherollerinmytray,foldedmyarmsovermy

chest,andraisedaneyebrowather.“Didhe,Ellie?”

Shesniffed.“Hepushedmeover.”

“Andwhydidhepushyouover?”Brantleyasked.“Itwouldn’thaveanythingtodo

withtheredhandprintsonthewallnow,wouldit?ThewallKalihasspentallday
painting.”

“ItwasEli!”

Brantleyturnedoverherhands.“Really,”hesaidflatly.

Ellieshrunkback.

“YouhavetensecondstotellmethetruthbeforeIgoandputbluehandprintson

yourwallsandseehowyoulikeit,younglady.”HedroppedherarmandpulledEliinto
hisside.He’dalmoststoppedcryingnow,buthelookedlikehe’dgotteninafightwitha
Smurf.

Ellieglancedacrosstheroomatme.

Ididn’tmoveorchangemyexpression.ShehadtoknowI’dtellthetruthevenif

shedidn’t.

“IwantedtowatchKawipaint,too,”shefinallystarted.“ButEwiwouldn’twetme.

So,Ipainted,too.Butthenhepushedmeoverandfrewpaintonme.”

“Didnot!”

“Letmegetthisstraight,”anow-paint-coveredBrantleysaid.“Youdisobeyedmein

comingupstairs,youliedtome,andyoudeliberatelyruinedyourbrother’swallbecause
youdidn’tgetyourownway,althoughyoualreadyspentthemorningupstairswithKali
whilehehelpedmeinthekitchen.”

Ellielooked,forasecond,asifshewasgoingtodenyit.Instead,herbottomlip

trembled,shedroppedherchin,andshenodded.

Brantleyputafingerunderherchinandmethereyes.“Don’tfakecry.It’snot

goingtoworkthistime,Eleanor.Whatyoudidwasverycruel.Isuggestyougoandsitin
thecornerofthebathroomandthinkaboutwhatyou’vedonewhileIputEliunderthe
shower.Youcanhaveonewhenhe’sclean.”Hepointedinthedirectionofthebathroom.

Shesniffed,butshewent,trudgingacrossthehalltothebathroom.

ElituggedonBrantley’sshirt.“Daddy,areyoumadIpushedherover?”

Hetookadeepbreath.“I’mnotangryaboutit,Eli,butI’mnothappy.You

shouldn’tdoitagain.Iknowsheupsetyou,butyoucouldhavereallyhurther,okay?Plus,
nowthere’spainteverywhere.Maybenexttimeyoushoutformeinsteadofhurtingher,
okay?”

Hehesitatedforamomentbeforenoddinghishead.“CanIhadashowernow?”

“Yep.”

“Oh.”Hestoppedandlookedatme.“Kawi,areyoumadatthewalls?”

MuchlikeBrantleyhaddone,Iinhaleddeeply,andlookedatthewalls.Iwas

frustrated,annoyed,feelinghelpless,butnotangry.TheextrafewhoursI’dnowneedto
coveritup,nottomentionrepaintthebaseboards,weretottingupinmyhead,butIwas
moreresignedtoitthananything.

“Weneedtogetyouintheshower,buddy.”Brantleystoodand,takingholdofEli’s

shoulders,directedhimtowardthebathroom.

“Isowwy,Kawi,”IheardElisaybeforeBrantleyshutthebedroomdoorbehind

him.

Iletgoofalong,shakybreath,slumpingdownasIwasabletofullytakeinthe

sightofthemessthathadbeencreatedbyEllie’stantrum.

Then,Iturned,andforgetting—ormaybejustnotcaring—thattheredpaintwas

stillwet,pressedmyforeheadagainstthewall.

Groundrules.

No.More.Kids.Near.Paint.

ChapterSixteen

Fivep.m.rolledaroundbeforeIknewit.IwasprettysureIstillhadpaintonmy

head.Isureashellhaditjustabouteverywhereelse.Iwasalldryandcrustyandgross.

I’dbarelybeenabletofixthemesscausedbythekidswhentheyfought.I’d

managedtowipethesurpluspaintoff,butotherthanthat…Let’sjustsayIhadacouple
morecoatsofwhitepainttodotomorrow.

Ifinishedcleaningtherollersandtraysoffinthebathtub.Themixofblueandred

asitswirledthroughthewaterbeforedrainingawaywasalmostheadache-inducing.Itwas
muchbrighterwet,andmixedwithwater…Ugh.

Iturnedandcaughtaglimpseofmyselfinthemirror.Ilookedlikeacomplete

mess.Redpaintinmyhairandovermyforehead.Therewerestreaksofblueandpink
acrossmyneckandchest.ThesamehappenedwhenIlookeddown.Iwasawalkingart
exhibition.

Oneday,Iwouldbeabletopaintawallandnotcovermyselfinit.

Itwasamazing.Icouldinstallakitchenwithoutgettingasplinter,butpaintinga

wallwithoutgettingcoveredinpaint?

Notachanceinhell.

Iglancedaroundforaclothtowipemyfacewith.Ididn’tseeone,soIswitchedon

thetapanddidthebestIcouldwithmyfingers.Itwasn’tgreat,butImanagedtogetthe
majorityofitoff,andascrubwithatoweldidtherest.Therewasn’tmuchIcoulddo
aboutmyhair.

Igrippedtheedgeofthesinkandtookadeepbreath.Iwasexhausted.Icouldfeelit

asitsnakeditswaythroughthebody.Thelastfewhoursoftodayhadbeenhell,andEllie
hadessentiallywipedouteverythingI’ddoneinEli’sroom.

Forthat,IwantedtodoEli’sroomfirst.Tomakeherwait.Butthatwasspiteful,

too,anditdidn’tmakeme,asatwenty-six-year-oldadultanybetterthanheratfour-years-
old.

Ihuffedandstraightenedup,thengrabbedmystufffromthetub.Shakingoffthe

excesswater,Iputonetrayinsidetheother,thenstackedtherollersandthebrushesinside
topickupeasily.

AndwalkedrightintoBrantley.

EverythingI’djustpickedupclatteredtothefloor.

“Shit,”Iwhispered.

“Igotit.”HegotonhiskneesandpickeditallupasIranmyhandovermyface.

Standing,heflickedhereyesoverme.“Youlookexhausted.”

“Damn.Ishouldhaveleftthepaintonmyfaceifit’sthatobvious.”

Hesmirked.“ShouldIpretendthatthepaintontherestofyouhidesit?”

“Couldyou?Thanks.”

“InEli’sroom?”Heliftedthetrayslightly.

“Oh,er,yeah.Thanks.”Ifidgetedwiththehemofmyshirt.“Hey,Iwantedtotalk

toyouaboutsomething—”

Heheldhishandsup.“Don’tworry.Theywon’tbugyouanymore,Ipromise.I

calledSummer.They’regoingtohereverydayuntilthewallsandfloorsaredonesoyou
canworkinpeace.Attheveryleast.”

Iopenedandclosedmymouthlikeafish.

“I’msorry.”Hemetmyeyes.“Theynevershouldhavebeenwithyouinthefirst

place.IwasworkingwithElliewatchingamovie,thenthenextthingIknew,shewas
upstairs.Iwasonmywayupwhen…”

“WhenthegatesofHellopenedupandswallowedmyafternoonwhole?”

“WhenthegatesofHellopenedupandswallowedyourafternoonwhole.”

Igrinned.“Ithappened.There’snopointindwellingonitrightnow.Ican’tchange

it,butIcanfixit.”

“You’reveryoptimisticaboutthis.”

“Hey—fixingthingsiswhatIdo.IfIgotannoyedeverytimesomethingwent

wrong,I’dnevergetmyjobdone.”

Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest,smiling.“YoureallyarearegularlittleMiss

Fix-It,aren’tyou?”

Imock-curtseyed.“That’swhatyou’repayingmefor.”

Helaughed.“True.Thankyoufor,well,yourbrightoutlookonthebullshitmy

childrenbroughttoyourday.”

“You’rewelcome.”Iskirtedaroundhimandslowlymademywaydownthestairs.

“I’llseeyouateighttomorrow.”

“Kali?”

Mynameonhislipssentatingledownmyspine.

Istopped,grippingthebanister.

“I,er…Imadeabittoomuchpastatonight.Wouldyou…wannastayandhelpme

eatit?Thekidsarereadyforbed,anditjustneedsreheating…”

Dinner?Again?

Didwenotestablishlastnightthatwasnotagoodidea?

“Idon’tthinkit’sagoodidea,”Isaidslowly.“Imean…”

Brantley’slippedthinned,hiseyesflashingwithsomethingIcouldn’trecognize.

“Right.Forgiveme.I’llseeyoutomorrow.”

Iraisedmyhandinanawkwardwave.Willpowermademewalk,notrun,downthe

stairs,butthesecondmyfeethitthehallway,Iwasoff.Ileftthehousebeforeeitherofthe
kidssawmeorIchangedmymind.

Ipulledmykeysfrommyasspocketandgotintomytruck.Myphonewasinthe

glovebox,andIretrievedit,stickingmykeysintotheignitionatthesametime.Then,I
pulledupmymessagesandtextedJayda.

Me:Hejustaskedmetostayfordinner

Jayda:Callmerightnow

Isighedand,stillsittinginhisdriveway,didjustthat.

“Heaskedyoutostayfordinner?”sherambledthesecondIansweredmyphone.

“Whyareyoumessagingmeandnoteating?”

“BecauseIsaiditwasn’tagoodidea.”

“Ofcourse,it’saterribleidea!But,first,freefood.Second,he’shot.”

“Youthinkthefacthe’shotandgivingmefoodnegatesthefactit’sabadidea?”

Silence.“Yeah,prettymuch.Isithome-cookedfood?”

“Doesthatmakeadifference?”

“It’shome-cooked.”Shesighedheavily,thelinecracklingatherexhale.“Damnit,

Kali.Justhavedinnerwiththeguy.Whatharmwillitdo?”

“Whatgoodwillitdo?”Myvoiceraisedafewdecibels.

“Withanyluck,it’lltakeyoualittleclosertogettinglaid.You’rebasicallya

virgin.”

“I’mdonewiththisconversation.”

“Wait!Maybeheneedsafriend!”Shequicklyspatout.“Haveyouthoughtabout

that?Doesheknowanyoneelseintown?Hespendsallhistimewithpint-sized,puny
humans.You’re,like,aunicorn.”

Ipaused.Shehadapoint.AndifJaydahadapoint,wewerealldoomed.“Youthink

that’sit?Heneedsafriend?”

“Ithinkyoushouldseeifthat’swhatitis.”

“Whatifhekissesmeagain?”

“Kisshimbackandhopeyougetlaid.”

“Byenow.”Ihungupbeforeshecouldcontinueonanyfurtherdownthattrack.

But,damn.She’dplantedtheseedofanideainmymind,andnowIcouldn’tshakeit.

AsfarasIknew,hedidn’tknowanyoneintown.Certainlynotanyoneonanything

morethananacquaintancelevel.Wewerepracticallyfriends,Iguess.Ifyouconsidered

weknewstuffabouteachotherandtalkedeveryday…

Andkissedonce.

Sadness.

ThathadbeenwhatpassedthroughhiseyeswhenI’dsaidno.

Aflicker.Thebaresthintofsadness,andloneliness,too.

Iturnedmyphoneoverandtappedhisnameinthecontacts.

Me:Justhowmuchis‘abitextrapasta?’

Brantley:Areyoutextingmefromthedriveway?

Me:…yes.Isthisnotnormal?

Istaredatmyphone,waitingfortheresponse.WhenIdidn’tgetone,Ihoppedout

ofthetrucktogoknock.

Thefrontdooropenedasmyfeethitthefloor.Hewalkedoutandtomytruck,

eyebrowquirkedinamusement.

Iblushed,shuttingthedoorandleaningagainstit.“Notnormal,huh?”

Hislipstwitched,andhestoodnexttome,elbowonthewingmirror.“Definitely

notnormal.Whyareyouasking?”

“A‘bitextrapasta’isrelative.Youeitherdidenoughforonepersonorenoughto

feedanotherfamily.Ididn’tconsiderthatwhenIsaidno.”

“EnoughtotakeittothetownhallinanhourandfeedeveryoneatBingo,”he

admitted.“And,youdidn’tsayno.Yousaiditwasabadidea.”Hiseyesmetmine.“And
I’mhard-pressedtodisagreewithyou,whichiswhyIdon’tunderstandwhyyou’restill
here.”

“Let’sjustsayI’mverygoodatmakingbaddecisions.”

Eyes.

Droppedtomymouth.

“Youandmeboth,”hemuttered.

Iclearedmythroatandglancedawaybriefly.“Ifyoucangivemehalfanhourto

showerandchange,I’dlovetohelpyoufinishthatpasta,”Isaidquietly.

“Halfanhour.Really?”

“Forty-fiveminutes.”

“ShallIhaveitreadyinanhour?”

Inodded.“That’sagoodidea.”

Hegrinned,pullingbackfromthetruck.“Allrightthen.”

“I…Holdon.Didyou…shower…afterallhellbrokeloose?”

“No.Icleanedup,butIdidn’thaveachanceyet.Why?”

“You’vegot…”Istopped,bitingtheinsideofmylowerlipasIsmiled,eyes

followingthegiant,bluestreakthatcoloredhisdarkhair.

Heblinkedatme.“Gotwhat?Whyareyougrinningatmelikethat?”

Isteppedforward.“Paint.”Liftingmyhandtohisface,Iranmyfingeralongthe

sideofhishead,fromaspotjustabovehisear,throughhishair,anddowntothesoftspot
justbeneathhisair.“Rightalongthere.”

Hisgazeshiftedfromtheinsideofmyarm.Oureyesmet,andItookadeepbreath.

Iwasstilltouchinghim,myfingersjustbarelyghostingdownthesideofhisneck.

Ashortbreathjudderedoutofme.Stutter-likeandharsh,Iforcedmyselftotake

anotherdeepbreathinorIknewI’dlosecontrol.

Especiallywhenheraisedhishandtomineandcurledhisfingersaroundmywrist.

Hotlittleburstsofdesiredancedupmyarmwherehisfingertipspressedagainstthe

tenderskinthere.Italmosttickledastheytraileduptheinsideofmyarmwhenitlowered.

“Goodtoknow.”Hisvoicewasdeepandlow,almostrough.“I’llgofixthatnow.

You’llbebackinanhour?”

Inodded,pressingmyhandsflatagainstthehotdoorofmytruck.“Anhour,”Isaid

scratchily.Iswallowed,thenclearedmythroatagain,pretendingnottoseehowhiseyes
droppedwhenmythroatbobbed.“Right.Anhour.Seeyouthen.”

Brantleytookafewstepsback,lipstwitchingashebackedaway.“Seeyou,Kali.”

***

IdressedascasuallyasIcould.Yogapants,alooseshirt,andanold,zip-up

sweatshirt.Myhairwasstill-dampandinitsnaturalstateofloosecurls,allpulledupinto
aponytailontopofmyhead.Ibarelyevenworemake-up.Alightlayeroffoundationand
somemascarawasallI’dputon.

IwantedtobelievethatthenuggetofbullshitJaydaplantedinmymindwasreal.

Apartofmedid.Icouldn’tbegintoimaginehowlonelyBrantleyactuallywas.My

wholelifehadbeenlivedhereinRockBay.He’duprootedhisentirelifeinfavorofanew
one—ofonebetterthantheonehe’dbeenexistingthroughbefore.

Hewanted,maybeevenneeded,afriend.Sure.

Buttherewasmorethere.

I’dfeltitwhenhe’dkissedme,andI’dfeltitanhouragowhenI’dmadethe

mistakeoftouchinghispaint-coveredhair.

Iwasanidiot,thatmuchwastrue.Idon’tknowwhathadpossessedmetodothat.I

couldhavejustsaidandpointed,butno.Ipracticallyranmyfingersthroughhishairand
downthesideofhisneck.

Whatwaswrongwithme?I’dspenttheentiremorningberatingmyselfforkissing

him,andI’dallowedmybestfriendtoguiltmeintohavingdinnerwithhim.

Iwasanidiot,buthereIwas,readytogetfreepasta.

ThedoorswungopenbeforeIcouldknock.“Comein.Sorry.It’sburning.”

Myeyebrowsshotup,andIstifledagiggleasIclosedthedoorbehindme.Sure

enough,asIjoinedhiminthekitchen,Icouldsmellthefaintyetdistinctscentof
somethingburning.

“Fuckit,fuckit!”Brantleysweptahugepanoverthesinkandditchedthecontents

inadrainer.“Goddamnhob!”

Ileanedagainstthetable,takingamomenttonoticethatitwasset.Plates,cutlery—

thehalf-fullbottleofwineIhadn’tfinishedthenightbefore.

Um.

“Havingproblems?”Igrinnedathisback.

“Iknowyou’resmiling,sostopit,”hesaidwithoutlookingatme.

Ismiledwider.

“And,yes.Problems.Thisdamnthingdrivesmecrazy.”Hewavedhishandinthe

directionofthestove-top.“ItheatsupquickerthanIcanturnitdown,andnowIcan’tturn
itoff.”

Ileanedover.“Thechild-lockison.”

Hefroze,lookingoverhisshoulderatme.“Ithasachild-lock?”

Closingthedistancebetweenmeandthehob,Ipressedthekey-shapedpadonthe

topuntilitbeeped,thenturneditoff.

“Well,fuckme,”Brantleymuttered.

Okay.

Wait,no.

Ishookmyheadandtookaseatatthetable.Hechuckled,and…Ohmygod.

Oh.My.God.

Ishookmyhead.ItlookedlikeIwasansweringhisquestion.

This.ThiswaswhyIshouldn’tbehere.Icouldn’tevenplanagoddamnheadshake

thatwastheequivalentofaneyeroll.

Hepouredthespaghettibackintothepanandmixedinsomesauce,thistime,

operatingthestove-topverycarefully.Istifledalaughashejabbedfranticallyattheflat
buttonshopingthey’dregisterhistouch.

“Motherfucker,”hemuttered.

Bitingtheinsideofmycheek,Igotupandnudgedhimouttheway.“Gentlyisthe

key,”Isaid,wipingoffthetouchpadwiththebottomofmyshirttoclearhisprints.Ihit
thepowerbutton,thenthebackcircle.“Whatnumberpower?”

“Uh…”

“Fiveitis.”Ipressedthe‘down’keyuntilitwasonthemiddleheat.“You’re

jabbingatittoohard.Justtouchit,likeyourphone.”

“Myphonedoesn’tbeepatmeangrilyeverytimeItouchit.”

“Yoursisbetterbehavedthanmine.”

Helaughed,pullingaspoonoutoftheutensilpot.“Thankyou.Idon’tthinkI’ll

evergetusedtothiskitchen.”

“Well,ifitcomestoit,Iknowsomeonewhocanfityouanother.”

Hisgazeslidtome.“Pimpingyourselfout?”

“No.Iactuallyknowsomeonewhocanfixthis.”Icircledmyfingerintheareaof

thestove.“But,ifyouwantnewcabinets…”Iclickedmytongueandpointedtomyself.
“I’myourgirl.”

“Goodtoknow.”Heheldmygaze,spoonstilledinthecenterofthepot.

Iblushed.

“Didyouknowthatyoublushalot?”

Iblushedharder.“Didyouknowthatyoudidn’tputthesauceinthatpastaand

you’reburningitagain?”

“Shit!”

Ididn’ttrytohidemylaughterthistime.Ilaughedoutloud,pressingmyhandto

mystomachasIgrippedtheedgeofthecounter.ThiswastheveryfirstimperfectionI’d
seeninBrantleyCooper,anditwasbothwonderfulandcurious.

Wonderfulbecausehe’dbeenalmosttooperfectuntilnow.

Curious,becausehowhadhekepthimselfandtwootherpeoplealiveifhewas

burningpasta?

“Stoplaughingatme.”Hepouredthesaucefromtheotherpanintothepasta.“I

swear,I’mnotaculinaryidiot.”

“Youcan’tworkyourstove!”

“That’sasimplematterofelectronicsemantics.”

“Electronicsemantics,myass!It’sasimplematterofmaleimpatience.Andyou’re

stillburningthepasta!”

“Fuckinghell!”

“Ohgod,move.”Ishovedhimoutoftheway,literallypluckingthespoonfromhis

handandshiftinginfrontofhim.Ipulledthepanofftheburnerandstirreditthen,
scrapingthepastaoffthebottomofthepan.“Sauce.”

Brantleyslidpastme,hishandbrushingmylowerbackashewent.Iignoreditthe

bestIcould,ifweconsideredthefactIwasbitingtheinsideofmycheekandavoidinghis
eyes.

Heputthesauceintothepan,hischestbrushingagainstmyarmasIputitback

ontotheburner.Iclearedmythroatandstirred,mixingitallintothepastaandchicken
carefully.Thecreamy,whitesaucesplatteredasIlostmyholdonthespoon,andIwinced,
screwingmyfaceupasitspatatme.

Brantleylaughed.“Painting…cooking…it’sallrelativeforyou,isn’tit?”

“Shutup,”Imuttered,wipingmyforehead.

Heleanedoverandswipedhisthumbalongmycheekbone.“There.Nowit’sall

gone.”

Iblushedandturnedofftheburner.“It’sdone.”Isteppedbackfromthestoveand

wentbacktothetable.

Heside-eyedmewithahalf-smileashetookover,pullingtwoplatesfromthe

cupboardclosesttohim.

Iturnedaway,lookingoutofthewindowasheserveditup.ThiswasexactlywhyI

hadn’twantedtohavedinnerwithhim—thisattraction.

Itwasundeniable.Forusboth.Itwastheelephantintheroomeverytimeoureyes

met,anditwasgettingharderandhardertohidemyreactionswheneverwetouched.

Theproblemwas,I’dscrewedallmyownattemptsatputtingdistancebetweenus.I

wassittingonthewallthatdividedprofessionalandpersonal,onelegoneachside,staring
downthelineuntilitdisappeared.

IhadnoideawhatIwasdoingwithmylife.

Brantleysetaplateinfrontofme,andImurmureda“thankyou”ashetookhis

seat.

Whatwerewegoingtotalkabout?

Didwehaveanythingincommon?IdoubtedheenjoyedFriendsre-runsas

enthusiasticallyasIdid,andtherewasn’tachanceinhellI’dbedrawnintoaconversation
aboutsports.ThelastsportsIwatchedwaswhenIwasaseniorinhighschool,andthat
wasonlybecauseIhadacrushontherunningbackonourteam.

Sidenote:showingupinshort-shortstotallyworked.

Allthatsaid,relieffloodedthroughmewhenBrantleybegantoeatinsilence.I

followedsuit,diggingintothedelicious,creamy,cheesypastadishinfrontofme.

Amazing.Heburnedpasta,yetcookedthesauce.

Mymindboggled.

Theminutestickedby.HadJaydabeenright?Wasitjustcompanyhewanted?If

so…Imean,thiswasbetterthananythingIhadthepatiencetocook.I’dbehisdinner
friendanydayifhe’dfeedmelikethis.

ChapterSeventeen

Ialmostchokedonmyfood.Igrabbedmywineandwasheditdown,thankfully

withoutgivingintotheurgetospititeverywhere.

Thatcameoutofnowhere.

“I’msorryifImadeitawkwardapologizingformakingitawkward,”headded,lips

twitchingashegazedoveratme.

“Nope.You’regood.Justsurprisedme,that’sall.”Itookanothermouthfulofwine,

swillingitaroundbeforeIswallowedit.“Notawkward.Imean,alittle,butmostly
becauseit’sagainsttherules.Nocompany-clientrelations.Youknow?”

Henodded.“LikeIsaid,I’msorry.Itwasaspur-of-the-momentthing.Itwon’t

happenagain.”

Oh.

Whydidthatsuck?

Goddamnit,itdidn’tsuck.Thatwasabsolutelytherightchoice.Itcouldn’thappen

again.Noway.

“Right.Ofcourse.Youknowyoudidn’thavetoinvitemefordinnerjusttosaythat,

right?”

“Iknow.Ithappenedtoworkinmyfavor.I’llnevergetthehangofcookingthe

rightamountofpasta.”Hefrowned.“Idon’tknowhowpeopledoit.”

“Mymomisoneofthoseweirdos.Like,shejustknowshowmuchpastatocook.I

generallycookenoughforasmallarmy.”

Brantleywavedhishand.“Speakforyourself.IthinkIhaveenoughforlunch

tomorrow,too.”

Ilaughed,restingmyforearmonthetable.InudgedmyplateasidesoIhadroomto

cupmywineglassinfrontofme.“Justletthetwinseatit.”

“They’reatdaycaretomorrow.Doyouhaveanyideahowamazingit’llbetohavea

daytomyself?”

“Really?YoumeanIcanpaintwithoutchaos?”

Hissmilereachedhiseyes.“Youcanpaintwithoutchaos,”heconfirmed.“Imight

bugyouifIgetbored,butIpromisenottoscrewupthewalls.”

“Ifyoucomeandbugme,I’llbehandingyouarollerandtellingyoutostart

painting.”

“Icandothat.”Hetappedhisfingersagainstthetable.“AfterI’vebeentothestore

andhadmyanklesrippedtoshreds.”

“Idon’tknowwhywestillshopthere.There’saTargethalfanhouraway.”

“That’stheproblem.Targetishalfanhouraway.Irma’sisfiveminutesforanyone

intown.”

Sighing,Iproppedmychinuponmyhand.“Andyouwon’tgetthelocalgossipat

Target.”

“Smalltowns,”hemuttered.“Soineachother’sbusiness.”

Inodded.“Everyonewillassumewe’redatingtomorrow.Justsoyouknow.”

Hiseyebrowsshotup,andhestood,grabbingbothourplates.“That’sabitofa

jump,isn’tit?”

“Notreally.They’resimplyputtingtwoandtwotogetherandgettingfive,asthey

generallydo.It’snotmuchofajumpwhenyouconsiderthatI’msingleandyou’resingle
andhot.”

Heglancedoverhisshoulderatme,amusementcurlinghislips.

“I…Um…Iwasn’tsupposedtosaythatoutloud,”Isaidslowly.

Crap.

“YouthinkI’mhot,”hesaid.Hedidn’task,hejustsaidit.

“I,well,I,er…”

Hequirkedabrowatme.

Itookadeepbreath.“Yes.Youdon’t?”

“IhavetoadmitI’veneverreallylookedatmyselfthatway.”Hisrestrained

laughtermadehisshouldersshake.“I’llconsideritnexttimeIlookinthemirror.”

“There’snoneedtobesarcasticaboutit.”Ifinishedmywineandgotup.Thechair

squeakedagainstthefloor.“AndnowI’mtheonewho’smadeitawkward,soooo,Ithink
I’mgoingtomakelikeabananaandsplit.”Iputthewineglassonthesidebythesinkand
turned.“Thankyoufordinner.Itwasgreat.Let’spretendthisconversationnever
happened.”

Hestoodinfrontofme,blockingmyway.Hisbicepsclenchedwithhowhehadhis

armsfoldedacrosshischest,andthewhitematerialofhist-shirtstretchedoverhis
shouldersinawaythatwasmorethanalittledistracting.

Butitwashiseyesthatmademestop.Thewayadarknessthathintedatdesire

tickledtheedgesofhisgaze.Thewaytheyshonebrightwithlaughteratthesametime
theyrevealedhowhewasfeelinginthatverysecond.

Iswallowed.

“Wecouldpretenditneverhappened,”hesaidinalowvoice.“Orwecouldjust

admitthatwe’reattractedtoeachotheranddealwithitfromthere.”

“Idon’t—Imean,I’mnot…Attractedtoyou,”Ifinishedstupidly.

“Youmeanyou’renotverygoodatlying.”

“Yeah.That,too.”

Hedroppedhisarmsandapproachedme.Ibackedupuntilmybackhittheedgeof

thecounter.

Shit.Idiot.Now,you’retrapped.

Igrippedtheedgeofthemarblecounterandtookadeepbreath.

Hestoodinfrontofme,toweringovermebyafewinches,andrestedhishands

eithersideofmybody.Histhumbsbrushedmypinkyfingers,settlingwhereIcouldjust
feelthetickleofthemthroughtheair.

“Dealwithit,”Iechoed,mymouthdry.“Whatexactlydoyoumeanbythat?”

Heglancedatmymouth.

Deargod,howwasheabletoanswermyquestionwithoutspeaking?

“Okay,but,um,here’sthething.”Icouldn’tbreathe.Isoundedlikeapantingidiot

tryingtogetthewordsoutbetweeneachshort,sharpbreathItook.“This,”Imotioned
betweenus,“isbad.”

“Bad.”Hislipstuggedtotheside.

“Yes.Because,”—help.Someonehelp—“becausethisisn’tallowed.Company

rules.Nocavortingwithclients.”

“Nocavortingwithclients.”Thathalf-smileturnedintoafull-blowngrin.“That’s

very…proper.”

“Well,Ican’texactlyput,“Nofuckingtheclients”now,canI?”

“Youcouldhave,butitwouldhavebeenunfortunatelyprecise.”

“Ishouldchangethat.”

“Idisagree.”

Ilickedmylips.“Youshouldagree.Becausethisis—”

“Bad.Yousaid.”Moreliptwitching.

“Ithoughtyouweresorryyoumadeitawkwardbykissingme.”

“ThatwasbeforeIfoundoutyouwereattractedtome.Now,I’malotlesssorryI

kissedyou.”

Oh.Well.Fairenough.

“ShouldItakebackmyacceptanceofyourapology?”Iasked.

“YoushouldstoptalkingandseehowyoufeelwhenI’vekissedyouagain.”

“Kissedme—”

Hesilencedmewithhislipsonmine.Ahugeshiverwrackedmybody,andhe

smiledagainstmymouth,handsslowlyslidingupmyarms.Hegrazedhisteethovermy
lowerlipashepulledaway,andmyheartpoundedagainstmychest.

Therewasonlyabreathofairbetweenourlips.Icouldtastehim,andalthoughI

knewI’dhatemyself,Icouldn’thelpit.

Iplacedmyhandseithersideofhisneckandkissedhimrightback.Firmly.Ikissed

himthewayhehadmethenightbefore,withforceandunfightabledesire.Ashewound
onehandintomyhair,Ipushedupontiptoes,myassnowdiggingintotheedgeofthe
counterasheleanedagainstme.

Myheadspun.Itfeltsofuckinggood,probablybecauseIknewitwaswrong.But,I

couldn’tstop.Icouldn’tstopmyheartfrompoundingormybodyfromreactingtohim
thewayitwas.Theskintingles,thechesttightening,thelustthatpooledbetweenmylegs
andmademyclitache…

Noneofit.

Itwasoutofcontrol,andallbecauseofhim.

Hisbodywashardagainstmine—andsowashiscock.Itpressed,fightingagainst

theconfinesofhisjeans,againstmylowerstomach.Thisonlyturnedmeonmore,sent
moredesirerunningatafastpacethroughmyblood.

Iwantedhimtofuckmerighthere,rightnow,upagainstthekitchencounter,andI

nolongerfuckingcaredaboutit.

Ijustwantedmore—moretouching,morekissing,moreofhim.

Hislipsmovedoverminesosmoothly.Hisfingerstoyedwithmyhairjustenough

thattinystingsradiatedovermyscalp,andhistonguefoughtwithmineasthekissgot
deeperanddeeper.

Rougher.Moredesperate.More—

Thefloorboardsaboveuscreaked.

Ipulledbackwithahalf-gaspandlookedattheceiling.

Brantleystayedwherehewas,perfectlystill,untiltherewasanothercreak.Itwas

followedbythesoundofhollowfootstepsonthetopstairs.

“Fuckit,”hemuttered,brieflypressinghisforeheadagainstmine.Withadeep

breath,hereleasedmeandpushedaway.Idroppedmyeyestohiscrotchwherehis
erectionwascompletelyvisible,andheadjustedhisjeansinanefforttohideit.

Iburiedmyfaceinmyhands.I’ddonethatalotlately,butIcouldfeelthetingles

acrossmylipsastheheelsofmyhandspressedagainstthem.

Brantley’svoicewasmuffledatthebottomofthestairs,andIheardthedistinct,

sleepytoneofElimutteringsomethinginresponse.Therewasashuffle,thenthesoundof
thestairscreakingastheywentupstairs.

Idroppedmyhandsandblewoutalongbreath.Therewasnodenyingthatthis

time,I’dbeentheonewho’dcrossedtheline.Icouldhavesaidno,keptupdenial,butI
didn’t.I’dgivenin,and,oneagain,beensavedbyoneofthetwins.

WhoknowswhatwouldhavehappenedifElihadn’twokenupjustnow?

Iwouldn’thavestopped.ThatmuchIdidknow.

Ihadnothingwithmebutmycarkeyswhichwerestillinthepocketofmysweater.

Ipatteditjusttomakesure,andtheyansweredwithareassuringjingle.

Theurgetoleaveovercameme,butitwouldn’tsolveanything.Itwouldjustputoff

anotherconversationaboutthefactwe’dkissed.

Aconversationthathad,ultimately,ledtouskissingagain.

ThatandthefactmeandmybigmouthhadletslipthatIthinkhe’shot.

Really,Ionlyhadmyselftoblame.Iwassuchanidiot.

Mymouthwasdry.Igrabbedaglassfromthecupboardandfilleditusingthe

dispenserfromthefridge.Idrankitinone,thecoolnessofthewatersoothingasitslid
downmythrough.

Settingitbythesideofthesinknexttomyemptywineglass,Itookyetanother

deepbreath,exceptthisonewasasteelingone.Onethatstraightenedmyspineandgrew
meapairofballsfortheconversationIwasabouttohave.

Brantleystoodinthedoorway,armscrossed,leaningagainstthedoorframe.His

eyesranupanddownmybody,andthoughIshouldn’thave,Iglancedathiscrotchagain.

Yep.Stillnoticeable.

Ilookedbackupandmethiseyes.Hehadoneeyebrowcockedinamusement,andI

bittheinsideofmycheeksoIdidn’tjustifythefactI’djustblatantlylookedathis
erection.

Imean…therewasnojustifyingit,wasthere?Notreally.Iwasn’tgoingto

apologizeoranything.

“Ihalf-expectedyoutoberunningoutthedoor,”hecommented.

“Idecidedtobeanadultaboutittonight,”Ireplied,fidgetingwithmyzipper.

“Isthatwhyyoucan’tstandstilllikeatoddler?”

“Prettymuch.”

Helaughedandpushedoffthedoorframe,droppinghisarmstohissides.“Areyou

stillheresowedon’thaveanotherawkwardconversationwithsemi-sincereapologies
tomorrow?

Thatwasaboutright,yeah.“Basically.”

“Don’tworry,Kali.Ididn’tintendtoapologizeagain.Youcertainlydon’tseemto

wantone.”

Iopenedmymouth,thenpaused.Hewasright.Ididn’twantone.Hedidn’tneedto

apologize.“Youdon’thavetoapologizeagain,”Isaidquietly.“But,thisisagainstmy
companyrules.Ican’tgetinvolvedinanywaywithclients.So,this…”Iwavedmyhand
betweenus.“Nomatterhowattractedwemightbetoeachother,itcan’thappenagain.
Okay?”

Heleanedbackagainstthecounter,onceagainfoldinghisarms.“Okay.”

“Okay?You’re…okay?”Iblinkedathim.

“Whatelsedoyouwantmetosay?No,Iinsistyoucontinuetobreakyourrules?”

Hesmirked.“I’msorryImadeyoubreakaruleyouobviouslystandby…Mostofthe
time.”

“Uh,allofthetime,exceptforyesterday.Andjustnow.”Andprobablythenext

timehedecidedtokissme.

“Ofcourse.”Thesmirkdidn’tleavehisface.“So,I’llseeyoutomorrow?”

Thisconversationhaddoneaone-eighty.

Idecidedtotakeitandrunwithit.“Tomorrow.Right.Bye.”Islippedpasthim,but

heshotanarmout,stoppingme.

Hiseyessearchedmine,almostasifhewereaskingpermissiontosaywhathe

wantedtonext.SomethingIdidn’tknowifI’dlikewhenitlefthismouth.

“I’mnotsorryIkissedyou,Kali.AndIwon’tapologizeforthefactIwantyou.”

Boom.Boom.Boom.Mypulseechoedinmyears,andIknewthen,stayingwasa

mistake.Ishouldhavegonewhenhewasupstairs.

Becausethosewordschangedalot.

Isaidnothingashereleasedmyarm.Iheldhisgazeforamomenttoolong—a

momentthatsaidhewasn’tlyingaboutwantingme—andleft.

AndasIgotinmytruckanddrovehome,asIpulledupinmydriveandletmyself

intomyhouse…AsIlockedthedoorandranupstairstomybedroomandslumpedonto
theendofmybed,hiswordsechoedaroundmymind.

Iwantyou.

ChapterEighteen

Jayda:Youhavegottolearntokeepyourtongueinyourownmouth.

Me:You’retheonewhomademehavedinnerwithhim.

Jayda:Ididn’tmakeyoudoanything.Idangledaguiltbaitinfrontofyouandyou

tookit.

Jayda:Besides,Ididn’tmakeyoushoveyourtonguedownhisthroat,didI?

Me:Itjusthappened.

Jayda:Youknowwhatjusthappens,Kali?Droppingaglass.Kickingtheremoteoff

yourtable.Forgettingaboutthepeppersinthebottomdrawerofyourfridge.Thosethings
justhappen.Kissingsomeonedoesnotjusthappen.

Seriously.Youforgetaboutpeppersonetime.One.Time.Andyou’revictimized

overitforyears.Pfft.

Me:Itdoesjusthappenanditdidjusthappen.NowIhavetopainthishouseall

daywhenhiskidsareatdaycare.

Jayda:Kisshimagainandfinishthejobwhenyouwon’tbeinterrupted.

Me:Againstcompanyrules!

Jayda:…Whichyou’vedoneastellarjoboffollowingsofar.

Me:Fuckoff.

Jayda:Getfucked.

Jayda:No,literally.Literallygetfucked.

Me:We’redonehere.

***

WhileIdidn’tdisagreewithJayda’srecommendationofgettingfucked,itwas

inappropriate.We’dalreadycrossedthatline,butIwasn’tsurecrossingitevenfurther
wasawisethingtodo.

Fornow,Iwasgoingtofocusonmyjob.Nothingelsebutmyjob.Thatwasmy

plan,andIwasgoingtostickwithit,nomatterhowharditseemedattimes.

Afteraquickcallwithmydadtocheckontheprogressofthekids’beds,Igotstuck

intopainting.I’dcalledEricandhadhimdelaythefloorsbyanothertwenty-fourhours.It

wasannoying,andhehadn’tsoundedtooimpressed.

UntilI’dexplainedwhy.

Thenhe’dlaughedforagoodfiveminutesbeforetellingmehe’dwaivetheextra

deliveryfee.

Gee,thanks,friend.

Itoldhimifhereallywantedtomakeitbetter,togethisassoverhereandpaint.

Naturally,herefused,sohereIwas,bymyself,painting.

Insilence.

Itwas,actually,quitenice.Asidefromthefirstfewdays,Ihadn’tbeeninthehouse

alonetogetworkdone.Therehadalwaysbeentheundercurrentofnoisefromthekids
downstairs—iftheyweren’tuphere.

Inanoddway,though,Imissedthatsamenoise.Itwasalmosteerietobealonein

theemptyhouse,soIsetmyphoneonthewindowsillinEli’sroomandopenedSpotify.
Thequiethumofmusicmadeitalittleeasiertocopewith.

Ipaintedandpaintedandpainted,goingoverandoverthespotsthathadbeen…

affected…yesterday.ThatwasthenicestwayIcouldputitinmymind.

WhilethewhitepaintdriedonthosebitsinEli’sroom,Iwashedmyhandsand,

withmyphonebetweenmyteeth,movedintoEllie’s.Herpainthaddriedevenly—more
sothanI’dthoughtitwould—soIknewthatwithonemorecoat,herwallswouldbedone.

IpulledmyphonefrommymouthandtextedEricquicklytoconfirmhecouldget

theflooringinatleastEllie’sroomtomorrow.Withouthangingaroundforhisresponse,I
crackedopenapaintcanusingascrewdriverandpoureditintoatray.

Iwouldbegladtoseetheendofthispinkpaint.

Shamelessly,IsangalongtoJustinBieberasIpainted.Itcycledthroughmy

favorite,bigplaylistonshuffle,takingmefromthecountrytwangsofLukeBryantothe
latestMaroon5.

Ihummedalong,notknowingthewords,untilitflippedovertoSamHunt.Trading

myrollerforapaintbrush,IdippeditinthepaintandsangalongtoBodyLikeaBack
Road.Betweendips,thepaintbrushactedasmymicrophone.

Ohmygod,I’dneverhadsomuchfunpaintinginmylife.

Istood,wipedpaintfromthebrush,andcontinuedmypersonalconcert.Themusic

flippedoverfromSamtoDemiLovato’sInstruction,and,well,Igotintoitalittletoo
much.

Thebrushwasmymic;thewindowmyadoringfans.Islidleftandrightandback

justlikethesongdemanded.MybraidswungaroundmyshouldersasIdanced.

Ispun.

Andfroze.

Open-mouthed,mid-chorus,Istoppedontheballsofmyfeet,staringatBrantleyin

thedoorway.

Oh,shit.

Thegrinthatstretchedacrosshishandsomefacewasdisarming,anditwasclearto

seethathe’dbeenquietlylaughinghisassoffashewatchedme.

Itookasteptotheside,mybarefootkickingthepainttray.“Ouch!”Igrabbedmy

ankleandhoppedtotheside,leaningagainstthedrywall.“Um…Hi.Ididn’tseeyou
there.”

Hejustgrinnedatme.

“Howlonghaveyou,um,beenthere?”

“Longenough.”Hiseyessparkled.

Ohgod.

“Ohgoddddd,”Imoaned.

“Ifthisbuildingthingdoesn’tworkoutforyou,canIsuggesttheX-Factor?”He

rubbedhishandoverhismouth.

Iblushedfuriously,mycheeksburningrightred.

“Ihavetobehonest.IfIknewI’dbegettingashow,I’dhavecomehomehalfan

hourago.”

“Iwasjusttakingabreak.Stretching,youknow.”Iletgoofmyankleandgingerly

putmyfootdown.“Gettingridofsomecramp.”

“IsdancingtoDemiLovatoconductivetogettingridofcramp,then?”

“Howdoyouknowit’sDemiLovato?”

“Ilistentotheradiointhecar,youknow.”

“Right.‘Course.”Iturnedandpausedthemusic,takingasecondtorealizewhyI

didn’tknowhewascoming:I’dturnedthevolumerightup.“I’lljust…”Iwavedmy
brush.“Getbacktowork.”

“Areyousureyoudon’thavetheMacarenaonthatlist?”

“Onesong!”Ithrewmyarmsout.“Onesong.God.Everyonedoesit.”

“Generally,notwithpaintbrushes.”

“Iimprovised.Sueme.”

Helaughed,pressinghishandagainsthisstomach.“Comeon.It’slunchtime.I

stoppedintotheCoastal.Igotlunchandaninterrogation.”

Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“Didyouaccidentallybuytoomuch,or…?”

“No,Ideliberatelyboughtyouasandwich.Marcietoldmeyourfavorite,then

proceededtointerrogatemeaboutdinnerlastnight.”

“Ohno.”ThatmeantmymotherknewandIcouldexpectavisittonight.“What,

um…Whatdidyousay?”

“ItoldherIcouldn’ttellheranythingbecauseagentlemandoesn’tkissandtell,but

thatyouleftlaterthanshe’dbeentold.”Hewinkedandranoutoftheroom.

Myeyeswidened.“No,no,no!Youdidnotsaythat!”Iranafterhim.“Brantley!

Brant!No!Tellmeyoudidn’tsayit!”

Hehadhishandsflattenedonthekitchentable.Heleanedforward,laughing.

Ipointedmypaintbrushathim.“Tellmeyou’remessingwithme!”

“Nope.Sorry.That’swhatItoldher.”

“No!Ohmygod!Mymomisgoingtokillme!”

Helaughedevenharder.

Idartedaroundthesideofthetable.

“Oh,shit!”escapedhislipsasheranaroundit.

Istoppedwherehe’djustbeen.“Iswear,Iwillpaintyouwiththisbrushifyou

don’ttellmeyou’remessingwithme.Icannotcopewiththis.”

“Igavethemsomethingtogossipabout!”Heheldhishandsup.

Myheartskippedabeat.Ohno,no,no.“Youhavenoideawhatyou’vejustdone!”

Iranbacktomysideofthetable,andhewentbacktohis.Iwasstillwavingthe
paintbrushmenacinglyinhisdirection.“I’mgoingtokillyou!”

Hewaggledhiseyebrows.“You’llhavetocatchmefirst.”

Iglaredathim.

Clearly,hehadnoideahowdeterminedIcouldbe.

Threetimes.Ichasedhimaroundthetablethreedamntimestothesoundofhis

laughterandmyfrustratedshouts.

“Stopit!ComeheresoIcanpaintyou!”

“That,”hewheezed,grippingachairtocatchhisbreath,“wouldbesomuchsexier

ifyouweren’tchasingmearoundmykitchentable.”

“Urrrrr!”Ihalf-growled,half-groaned.

Ifeintedtotheright—butwentleft.TheexactsamedirectionBrantleywentin.

“Ha!”Igrabbedhisarmandslappeditwiththepaint-coatedbrushbristles.

“Damnit,Kali!”Hereachedforthebrush,andbeforeIknewit,hewaschasingme

aroundthetable.

Therewasn’tachanceinhellIwasgoingtogivehimthebrush.Whoknewwhat

messhe’dmakeinanefforttogetmebackforthatmeaslymarkonhisarm?

Judgingbythemessthetwinswerecapableof…He’dmakemeregreteverpointing

mypaintbrushathim.

“Givemethebrush.Now.”Hedad-voicedme,holdinghishandoutexpectantly.

Ifoldedmyarms,carefullykeepingthebrushclosetomybodywithoutgetting

paintonmyself.“No.Thatvoicewon’tworkofme.Ihavetwenty-six-yearsofpracticeof
resistanceagainsttheDad-Voice.”

“Worthatry.But,still…Givemethebrush.”

Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotgivingyouthebrush,becauseIknowexactlywhyyou

wantit.”

“Allright.Igaveyouachance.”Hedartedforward.

Ascreamleftmymouth.Iranaroundthetableonce,beforemakingagraveerror—

Iranoutofthekitchen.Intothelivingroomandaroundthecoffeetablebeforerunning
intothehallway.

AndrunningsmackintoBrantley,who’dapparentlybeenwaitingforme.

“No!Nooo!”Iwrestledtokeepcontrolofthebrush,buthehadme.Onestrongarm

clampedaroundmyback,andhisotherhandfoughtforthebrush.Iwriggledandtugged
withallmymight,bothhandsonthebrushhandlewhileIlaughed.

Iwasn’tgivingup,butneitherwashe.

AfactIrealizedasheangledthebrushandswipeditdownmyface.

“Ohmygod!”Ireleasedthebrushwithonehandandwipeditoverthepaint.

HelaughedharderthanI’deverheardhimlaugh,andmywholebodyvibratedwith

thesound.EventhroughtheannoyancethatIwas,onceagain,coveredinpaint,Icouldn’t
denytheattractionthatpooleddeepinmytummy.

“Itoldyoutogivemethebrush!”

“Never!”Ifoughtback,justmissinggettingamouthfulofpaint.Imanagedtoget

thebrushacrosshisjaw,turninghisstubblepinkbeforeheregainedcontrolandwipedit
overmycheek.

Honestly,Ihadtowonderwhatsomeonewouldthinkiftheycouldseeus.Two

grown-assadultsfightingoverapaintbrush,bothcoveredinpinkpaint.

“Ohmygod,stop!”Igiggledashetickledthebrushdownmyneck.Wriggling

away,heclampedhisarmtighteraroundmeandheldmeagainsthim.Imanagedtoturn
awayfromhim,almosttwistingmywristasIkeptmyiron-cladgriponthebrush.“Letme
go!”

“No.Iwarnedyou,andyoudidn’tlistentome.Thisisyourpunishment.”

“Beingcoveredinpaintisn’tapunishment.It’sadailyoccurrence.”

“You’reright.Thisisbackfiring.Canyoustopwriggling?”

Mymouthformedatiny‘o’asrealizationstruck.Myasswassnuggledcarefully

againsthiscrotch,andIwasn’ttheonlypersonstrangelyturnedonbythispaintfight.
Then…“Letmego.”

“That’snothowthisworks.”

“You’reright.It’snot.”Ideliberatelywriggledmyassagainsthim.“Now,letme

go.”

Hegrittedhisteethandslidthebrushdownmycheek.

“Ahhh!”

“Stopmoving!”

“Letmego!”

Hesighed.“We’reatastalemate,aren’twe?”

“No.”Iwriggledagain,pokingmyassoutalittlefurther.

“Stopit.”Hepaintedmycheekagain.

Iwipedmyhandonmyshirtandcoveredmyeyes.Iwouldkeepthisupaslongas

hekeptuphispainting.Itwasalreadygoingtoendbadly,andtherewasnowayI’dbe
abletolookhimintheeyeafterhavinghiscockrubagainstmyass,sowhatdiditmatter?

“Kali…”Hisvoicewaslower,almostdangerousinitsroughness.“Ifyoudon’tstop

moving,I’mnotgoingtoberesponsibleforhowhardIshoveyouagainstthewalland
kissyou.”

Thatalmostsoundedlikeachallenge.

“Againsttherules.I’mworking,”Ibreathed.

“Giventhatmycockistwitchingagainstyourass,andit’syourfault,Idon’tthink

youcanusethatasanexcuse.”

“Ifyou’djustletmego…”Idroppedmyhandfrommyeyessinceheseemedto

havegivenuppaintingmyfacefornow.

“Youwouldn’tbecoveredinpaint.”

“Youwouldn’thavearaginghard-on.”

“Araginghard-on,eh?”

“Ishouldstoptalkingrightnow.”

Hereleasedthepaintbrush,finally,andwalkedaround.Hishandslidacrossmy

stomachashemovedsohewasstandinginfrontofme.

“Iagree,”hemurmured,brushingtwofingertipsacrossmytemple.

Myscalptingledwhenhesoftlypushedhairbehindmyear,hiseyesfollowingthe

movementofhishand.Ishiveredasthepadsofhisfingersbrushedmyearlobe,andthat
movementbroughthisgazebacktomine.

Indecision.Itwarredinhiseyes,asIwassureitdidinmine.

Iwantedhimtokissmeagain.Iwantedtofeelthatbliss,thatescapefromreality

forjustafewseconds.

Attheverysametime,Iwantedhimtoletmego.Tostopmakingithardformeto

resisthim.Tobethealoofguyhewasthefirstcoupletimeswemet.

Heleanedin.

IdidtheonlythingIcouldthinkofdoing.

Iswipedmypaintbrushdownhischeek.

“Fuckit!”

Ilaughedandduckedunderhisarmasheraisedittowipethepaint.Iranintothe

kitchenandgrabbedthebrownpaperbagwiththeCoastal’slogoonit.

“No.”Hepointedatme.“Youdon’tholdfoodhostage.”

“Idoholdfoodhostage.”Icarefullyconsideredmynextwords.“Youcanhaveit

backifyoupromisenottokissmeagain.”

Heblinkedatme.Lookedatthebag.Metmyeyes.Shrugged.“IguessI’mskipping

lunch.”

Myjawdropped.“Seriously?”

“What?YouwantmetomakeapromiseIcan’tkeep?”Heraisedaneyebrow.“The

onlyreasonyoujustgotawaywiththeshityoujustpulledisbecauseit’sduringwork
hours.”

“Chasingmearoundyourkitchentabledoesn’texactlyequalworkhours,now,does

it?”

“Careful,Kali.Youmighttalkyourselfintosomethingyoucan’tgetoutof.”

“Oh,I’mprettysureIalreadydidthat,”Imutteredtomyself.“Fine.Hereyougo.

But,Ican’tpromiseIwon’tkickyouintheballsifyoutryagain.”

“No,youwon’t.”

“Tryme.”

Hesmirked,takingthebagfromme.

Crap.TherewasmetalkingmyselfintosomethingIcouldn’tgetoutof…

ChapterNineteen

“IheardyoustayedlateatBrantley’shouse,”Momsaid,turningonmycoffee

machine.

Shehad,veryhelpfully,letherselfinbeforeI’dgottenhomefromwork.Afterway

toomanyquestionsaboutthestateofme,stillcoveredinpaint,I’dconvincedhertoletme
showerbeforeshewentdownherlineofquestioning.

Ireallyneededthatsparekeyback.

IchewedontheendofaTwizzler.“Ican’timaginewhotoldyouthat.”

Shepeeredatmeoverhershoulder.“Marcie.Istoppedintogetsomepastries.”

“Whydidn’tyougothebakery?”

“Idid.Shewasthere.”

Well,thatwasclear.“Right.Well,it’snottrue.Sorrytodisappointyou.”

Shepulledhermugfromthemachinewitharollofhereyes.“Whydoesshethink

thatifitisn’ttrue?”

“Becausehe’salittleshitwho’sabouttolearnthatsmalltownrumorswillcome

backtobitehimonhisveryfineass,”Ihuffed,stillchewingdowntheTwizzler.

“So,istheretruthtoitornot?AndhowdoesMarcieknow?”

Isighedheavily,puttingthecandydown.“Ihaddinnerwithhimlastnight—asa

friend,”Iaddedpointedly.“AndIguesstheBay-vinegotholdofthatinformation.Hegot
uslunchfromtheCoastal,Marcieasked,andheelaboratedtogiveeveryonesomethingto
talkabout.”

Mom’slipstwistedtotheside.“Isthathowyouendedupcoveredinpinkpaint?”

“Longstoryshort,yes.Iwasn’thappywithhim.”

“Nokidding.Youlookedlikeyougotinafightwiththepaintaisleinthehome

store.OrBarbie.”

“DefinitelyBarbie.”IwentbacktochewingonmyTwizzler.

“Itwasjustdinner,then?”

Shewasfishing.Honestly,shemayaswellhavepulledoutadamnfishingrod,

attachedaTwizzlertotheend,andbaitedmeintotellingher.

Well,shewasthemoronwhogavemetheTwizzlersfirst.So,ha.

“Justdinner,”Isaidbreezily.

“Kali.”Shemetmyeyeswithalookthatmakemebristle.“DoyouthinkI’m

stupid?”

“Itwasjustdinner!”Iinsisted,finishingthecandy.Iwasananimal,eatingwithmy

mouthfull,butIdidn’tcare.

“You’rebeingdefensive,andyou’reagodawfulliar.”

“I’veheardthatalotthisweek.”

“Starttellingthetruth.”

“Can’t.”Ipaused.“Thetruthisagainstcompanypolicy.”

Hereyeswidened,andshegrinnedlikeshe’dhitthejackpot.“Ipromisenottotell

yourdad.”

Sighing,ItooktheTwizzlerpacketandwentintothelivingroom.Momwashoton

myheelslikeapuppybeggingforscraps.Ithrewmyselfontothesofa,tuggedupmy
shirt,andyankedanotherbitofcandyfromthepacket.

“Talk.Now.”Shewiggledherfingersatme.

“Idon’twanna,”Imumbled.

“Kali.”

“Wekissed.Twice,”Iadmitted,lookingdown.“Almostthreetimes,butIattacked

himwithmypaintbrush.”

Momsnorted.“There’ssomethingyoudon’theareveryday.”

Ipeeredupatherthroughmylashes.“Itdoesn’tmatter.Itoldhimitcan’thappen

again.”

“Becauseit’sagainstcompanypolicy?”

“Exactly.IwaspartofmakingthatrulewithDad.Imean,Iknowyouguysmet

whenyouhiredhim,butstill.Hetoldmenothinghappeneduntilafter,andhimmeeting
youmadehimrealizehowimportantthatrulewas.”

Sheblinkedatme.“Hetoldyounothinghappeneduntilafterhewasdoneworking

forme?”

“Yes,”Isaidslowly.“Thatwasthereasonwemadetherule.”

“Ohboy.”Sheexhaledslowlyandputhermugonthecoffeetable.“Honey,I’mnot

surehowtotellyouthis,butyourfatherandIwerefuckinglikerabbitsbeforehewasever
doneworkingforme.”

Ifroze.Ididn’tevenfuckingbreathe.ThatwaswaymoreinformationthanI’dever

wantedtoknowaboutthem.

Ismackedmylipstogether.“AndnowI’mgoingtobesick.”

Momlaughed,tappingherfingersagainstmyknee.“Thatwasalittleblunt.My

pointis,heonlyaddedthatrulebecauseherealizedthatoneday,you’drunthecompany,
andhedidn’twantyoumixingbusinessandpleasure.”

Ifrowned.ThatchangedeverythingIknew.“But…isn’tthatmychoice?”

“Ithinkhewantedyoutostayonschedule.He…lostsometimewhenwemet.”

Holdingupmyhands,Ishookmyhead.“Nope.Enoughonthat,thankyou.”

Herlaughterfilledtheroom.“Pointtaken,honey.So…CanIaskaboutBrantley?”

“You’regoingtowhetherIwantyoutoornot.”

“True.”Shegrinned,pickinguphercoffeeagain.“Doyoulikehim?”

“That’saveryhighschoolquestion.Imean,I’mnotscribbling“Mrs.KaliCooper”

inanotebookoranything.”

“KaliCoopersoundsgood.”

“SodoesKaliHancock,”Iretorted.“Stoptakingthisplacesitisn’tmeanttogo,

Mom.I’mattractedtohim,butI’malsoattractedtoTomHardy.Thatdoesn’tmeanI’m
goingtomarryhimandhavehisbabies.”

“Youandeveryotherwomaninthecountry.”Shesipped.“YouknowwhatImean

whenIaskifyoulikehim.”

“Mom.”Iheldmyhandsup.“It’snot…easy.Youknowexactlyhowitistohave

feelingsforsomeonewhoalreadyhasafamily.I’mintheexactsamepositionyouwere,
exceptmymom’sdeathwasn’tasrawformeanddadasthetwins’isforBrantley.Two
andahalfyearsisn’tthatlong.EvenifIdidhavestrongfeelingsforhim,Icouldn’twaltz
intherelikehebelongedtome.Hisheartbelongedtosomeoneelse.Enoughthattheyhad
afamily.”Isankbackintothesofa.“Thatisn’twhatIwant.Idon’twanttobesecondbest
toamemory.”

“DoyouthinkI’msecondbesttoamemory?”

“That’snotwhatImeant.”

“Iknow.I’maskingyouarealquestion,Kali.IsthathowyouthinkIfeel?”

Imethereyes.Theyweresoftandgentle.Theywerehonest.Shereallywasasking.

“You’renottome,”Iansweredafteramoment.“Doyoufeellikeyouare?”

“Ineverhave,no.She’syourmom,butIam,too.We’rejustyourmomsatdifferent

timesinyourlife.Yourdadstilllovesher,butit’sadifferentlove.Iacceptedthatalong
timeago.Youcan’terasethememoryofsomeone,butthatdoesn’tmeanyouhavetobe
secondbesttothem.Andanyonewhomakesyoufeelthatwaydoesn’tdeserveyouinthe
firstplace.”

Ismiledsadly.“Thanks.Thatmakesmefeelbetter.But,still,you’reastronger

personthanIam.DoesitmakemeabadpersonifIsayIdon’tknowifIwantthebaggage
ofsomeoneelse’skids?”

“Notatall.Thatmakesyouhuman.”Shefinishedhercoffeeandputthemugdown.

“Fortherecord,Ifeltthesame.Sometimesyoudon’tgetachoice.”Shestoodandkissed
thetopofmyhead.“I’llseeyoufordinner,honey.”

Ismiled,andjustbeforesheleft,turnedaroundandsaid,“Hey,Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“I’mreallygladyoudidn’tgetachoice.”

Shewinked.“Me,too,Kali.”

***

Lunchtimepassedinpeace.ThecrazystartedwhenEricshowedup,armedwith

floorboardsandanythingelseyoucouldimagine.Together,weclearedEllie’sroomofall
mycrapandgotstarted.Thedelayinmyschedulemeanthewasbyhimself,andthat
meantIhadtogetmyhandsdirty.

Wewentthroughthemotions.Onebyone,welaidtheboardsandnailedthemin,

cuttingthemtosizewhereweneededto.Afteraboutanhour,itstartedtotakeshape.

Iwasgladweweredoingthistogether,intheend.Ittookmymindofthemonotony

ofthepaintingI’dspendthelastforeverdoing,andbeingwithEricwasalwaysfun.His
humormadethetimepassalittlebitquicker.

Hisconstantrequestsforadate…Notsomuch.

“Gonnadatemeyet,Kali?”

IlookedathimasIhammeredanailintoplacewithoneswiftwhack.“That’swhat

Ithinkofyouroffer.”

“Youwoundme.”Heshotmealopsidedgrin.

Irolledmyeyesandgotbacktowork.

Halfanhourpassedbeforehespokeagain,andwhenhedid,itwasbecause

Brantleyhadshownupandpokedhisheadthroughthedoor.

“Hey,”hesaid.“Everythingokay?”

Icouldn’thelpmyblushasIlookedupandoureyesmet.“Fine.Weshouldbedone

inheresoon,thenwecangetEli’sdone.”

Heheldmygazeforamomentwithasmile,thenlookedaround.“Itlooksamazing.

Ellie’sgoingtofreakoutwhenshegetshome.”

“Lord,IhopeI’mgonebythen,”Ericmuttered.

Ishotmylegoutandkickedhim.“Onlybecauseyoucanprobablyrememberthe

epictantrumsyouthrewasakid.”

“Ididnotthrowepictantrumsasakid!”

“Oh,really?”Islidoffmykneestositproperlyandlookathim.“Whenwewere

seven,yourmommadeyougetoutofthepooltoeatatyourbirthdayparty.You
tantrummedsohardyoualmostdrowned.”

“She’slying,”ErictoldBrantley.“It’snottrue.Thatwasher.”

Ikickedhimagainandgrabbedmyhammer.

Brantleygavehimatightsmile.“Oh,Ibelieveit.”

“Hey!”Ipointedmyhammerathim.“Whatdoesthatmean?”

Heheldhishandsup.“Thehammeriswaymoreterrifyingthanthepaintbrush.”

Iwavedit.

Helaughed,allthetensionfromhissmileatEricdisappearing.“Allright,allright.

Putitdown.DoyouneedanythingbeforeIwork?”

IglancedatEric.Whenheshookhishead,Ididthesame.“Thanks,butwe’regood.

Howlonguntilthetwinsarehome?”

Hecheckedhiswatch.“You’vegotaboutthreehours.”

Ericlookedatme.“We’renotgonnagetitalldonetoday,Kali.”

Aw,shit.

“Can’tyougetoneofyourguysin?Ican’tbeanymoreoffschedule.”

“Icantry.”

“Please.”Ishothimthesweetestsmileandheldmyhandstogether.“I’llpayyou

extra.”

Hepaused.“I’llwaivethatfeeifyougooutwithme.”

“I’llpayyouextra,”Irepeated.

Hesighed,puttingdownhishammer.“I’llseewhatIcando.”

“So,you’regood?”Brantleyreiterated.HiseyesswungfromErictome,softening

intheprocess.

Hmm.

“We’regood.Thanks.”Ismiled,andhereturnedit,somethingthatseemed

completelyatoddswiththelookinhiseyes.

Hedisappeared,andEricstoodup.Hestaredattheemptydoorwayforamoment

beforelookingatme.

“Somethin’goingonwithyoutwo?”heasked,eyebrowsdrawntogether.

“No,”Iansweredalittletooquickly,turningawaytolineanailuptobangin.

“Why?”

“Dunno.Igetthefeelinghedoesn’tlikeme.”

“That’s‘causeyou’reanasshole,”Isaidcheerily.Ihitthenail.

Henudgedmewithhisfoot.“Shutup.”

Igrinnedathimuntilhe’dturnedandlefttheroom.Then,Iletthesmilefallaway

andsighed.

IfEric,theguywhowasaboutasobservantassnowinalandslide,noticedthat

BrantleyandIhad…athing…thenIreallyneededtosortthisout.

Soon.

***

Elliegasped,clappingherhandsagainsthercheeks,hermouthwideopen.“It’s

‘mazin’!”

“It’s…afloor,Ellie,”Isaid,bringingherbackdowntoEarth.“Justafloor.”

“Iknow,butIcanputmywugonit!”

“Notquiteyet.I’mnotreadyforyoutodothat.”

“Whynot?”Shejuttedoutherbottomlipandputherhandsonherhips.

IkneltdownsoIwasatherlevel.Gently,Ituggedherhandsfromherhipsand

pokedherlowerlip,makinghergiggleinstead.“BecauseIhavealistofthingstodo.I
havesomeshelvestoputup,yourcurtainsneedtogoup,plusIhavetobuildallyour
furnitureandhangpictures.Ifyouputyourrugintherenow,it’llgetalldusty.”

“Oh.”Shetiltedherheadtotheside.“That’sokay,Isuppose.IsEli’sfwoordone,

too?”

Elilookedatmeexpectantly.

“Almost.Youwannaseeitsofar?”

Henoddedandtookholdofmyhand.Iledhimtowardthedoor,openedit,andlet

himtakealookathisthree-quarter-done-floor.IfEric’semployeehadn’ttakenanhourto
gethere,itwouldhavebeendone.Evenwithallthreeofusworkingonit,wehadn’tquite
managedtogetitdone.

Ericpromisedtoshowupateight-thirtythenextdaytodoit,andIwastakinghim

athisword.

“Wow,”Elibreathed,everthechildoffewwords.

“Youlikeit?”Iaskedhim,bendingdown.

Henoddedenthusiastically,hisdefaultwayofansweringintheaffirmative.

Ismiledandruffledhishair.

“Kids?Dinner’sready!”Brantleycalledfromdownstairs.

Elliesniffedtheair.“Ismellpizza!”

Thatwasallittook.Bothofthemwentrunningdownthestairsataspeedthatmade

mecringeandalmosttellthemtoslowdown.Ishutboththeirdoorswithashakeofmy
headandfollowedthemdown—atanormalspeed.

Ipokedmyheadinthekitchenandwaved.“I’llseeyoutomorrow.”

Ellielookedatmewithhorror.“Don’tyouwantpizza?”

Ismiled.“I’mgood.It’stimeformetogohomenow.”AndatleastIwasn’t

coveredinpainttoday.

Brantleysettwoplateswithabigsliceeachdowninfrontofthetwins.“Youcan

stay.There’splenty.”

I’dheardthatbefore.“Andhowmuch,exactly,isplenty?”

“Heboughtoneforyou,too!”Ellieshouted.

“Ellie!Hush!”

“No,youdidn’t,”Isaidtohim.“Hedidn’t?”IaskedEllie.

Eyeswide,shenoddedslowly,reachingforherjuicebox.

IglaredatBrantley.

“Ididn’tbuyitforyou,”hestarted.“Therewasanoffer,soItookadvantageofit.”

“Oh,amInotworthfullprice?”

“Don’tevengothere.”Heshookhishead.“I’mnotfallingforthat.”

Ismirked.

“So?Stay?Ordoyouhaveotherplans?”HisvoicetookonanedgeI’dneverheard

before,andmyeyebrowstwitchedtogetherinafrown.

“Otherplans?No.IwasgoingtowatchFriendsre-runswithoutpantson.I’dhardly

callthataplan.”

“CanIwatchTVwiddoutpants,Daddy?”Eliasked.

“Youneverwearpants.”Ellierolledhereyes,pokingthehotcheeseonherpizza.

“Neitherdoyou,”Brantleypointedout.“Areyouorareyoubothnotpantslessright

now?”

Oncue,theybothlookeddownattheirlegs.

“Nopants,”theysaidatthesametime.

“Right.So,thisconversationispointless.”

Imaginethat.Apointlessconversationwithafour-year-old.Whatanovelty.

“Pweeeasehadsomepizza,”Ellieasked,pullingsomeofthestringycheeseoffthe

pizza.Sheplaceditonhertongue.“Pwease.”

IglancedatEliwhogavemeashysmile.“Fine.ButI’mgoinghomeafter,and

there’snothingyoucansaytomakemechangemymind.Yougotthat?”

Theybothnodded,sippingjuiceatthesametime.

Seriously.Soweird.

Brantleyhandedmeaplateandopenedapepperonipizzawithagrin.

Iside-eyedhim,gavehimbacktheplate,andgrabbedthebox.

Helaughed.

Mystomachflipped.

ChapterTwenty

“Idon’tunderstand.HowamIlosingatSnaptoafour-year-old?”Ilookedat

Brantley.

“It’soneoflife’sgreatestmysteries,”hesaid,frowningathisownpileof‘won’

cards.

Myplanstoleaveafterdinnerhadbeenthwartedbyeyesbiggerthanmybelly,

swiftlyfollowedupwithtwopairsofpuppydogeyesandabegthatifIstaytoplaygames
they’llneveraskagain.

Right.IbelievedthatlikeIbelievedit’dsnowinRockBaythiswinter.Onthe

SoCalcoast,thatwasaboutaslikelyaswhatthetwinswerepromisingme.

“Idon’tgetit,”Isaid,staringatthecardsinmyhand.“HowcanIloseatSnap?”

EllieandEligiggled.

“Youdon’tshout‘snap’kickenough,”Ellieexplained.“Ifasterthanyou.”

Yeah,nokidding.I’dfiguredthatmuchout.

Ihmphedandputanothercarddown.Ellieslappedoneontopofmine.Idid

another,thepicturematching,andbeforeI’devenopenedmymouth,Elliehollered,
“Snap!”

Withaslygrin,shewhackedherhandontopofthepileandslidthetwomatching

cardstowardher.

IstaredatBrantleywithmymouthopenina“Whatthefuck?”look.

HeglancedatEllie.“Areyoucheating?”

“Nope.”Shejuttedherchinoutandup.“IjustwealgoodatSnap.”

Nokidding.IftherewassuchathingasaSnapWorldTournament,shehada

positivefuture.

Eliputacardonthepilehehadbetweenhimandhisdad.Theyexchangedcardsfor

amomentbeforetwomatchedandEliscreamed,“Snap!”

“Ohmygod!”Brantleythrewhiscardsdown.“Thisisridiculous.You’refour!I’m

almostthirty!Howareyoubeatingme,dude?”

“Ohdear,Daddy.Areyouhadingatantwum?”Ellielookedathimwithher

eyebrowsraised.

“Doyouneedatimeout?”Eliasked,eyeswide.

Ibittheinsideofmycheekandlookedaway.

IwasprettysureI’dheardBrantleysaythatatsomepointduringthetimeI’d

knownthem,whichjustreaffirmedthatkidsreallyweretinyspongesinhumanbodies.

“Ineedabeer,”Brantleymuttered,sweepingallthecardsintoaneatpile.“Come

on,youtwo.It’stimeforbed.”

“Awwww,”theywhinedinchorus.“Butwenottired!”

Iglancedbetweenthem.

“Ofcourse,you’renot,”Brantleyagreed.“Butit’sstilltimeforbed.”

“That’snotfaaaair,”theycontinuedtogether.

Well,neitherwaslife.Bettertheylearnedthatearly.

“Bedtime,”hesaidagain,puttingbothsetsofcardsbackintheirboxes.

“Aw,Daddyyyyy.”

“No.”Hegotupandcrookedfingersatthem.“Let’sgo.”

“IsKawistaying?”

“No,”Isaid,standingup.“Ihavealotofworktodotomorrow,andIalreadystayed

andlostatSnap.Ireallydohavetogo.”

“Ohhh,butthat’snotfair,”Elimuttered.

Brantleyflappedhishandsatthem.“Go.Upstairs.Findyourpajamas.Itdoesn’t

matterifKalistaysornot,becauseyou’llbeasleep.”Heherdedthemoutintothehallway,
andIfollowed,clutchingmyphoneandkeys.

“But,Daddy,”Elliesaid,turninghalfwayupthestairs.“IfKawigoes,thenyou’llbe

alone.”

Hepaused.“Yes?”

“Doesn’tdatmakeyousad?”

No.Iwasn’tgoingtodoit.Nottonight.Notthistime.I’dspentmorethanenough

timewithhimlately,andsomethinghadtogive.Iwasnotgoingtobeguiltedintostaying
byher.

Nope.

Absolutelynot.

Ipulledawayfromthestairs,towardthedoor.

“No,”Brantleysaidslowly.“I’musedtoit.Kaliisright—shehasalotofwork

tomorrow,andyouneedtogetsomesleepbecauseyou’reatSummer’sagain.”

“Again?”Hereyesbugged.

“Shebakesnicecookies,”Elisaidquietly.“Ilikeitthere.”

Mylipstwitchedup.

Goddamnit,no,theycouldn’tbedoingthat.

EverytimeIsmiledatthosekids,theystolealittlepieceofmyheart.

“Let’sgo.”Brantleywavedhishands,usheringthemupthestairs.

“Night,Kawi,”Elishoutedoverhisshoulder.

“Night,kids.”Ismiledandedgedtowardthedoor.

Elliecaughtmyeyes,asadlookinhers,andwavedatinyhandingoodbye.She

dippedherheadasBrantley’shandtouchedherbackandpushedherup.

Itookadeepbreathandsigheditbackout.Thatrighttherewastheepitomeofa

guilttrip.Thesadnessinhereyesattheideaofmeleaving—

No.

Iwasn’tgoingtofallforit.Iwasn’tgoingtoletitwork.Icouldn’tletit.We’d

alreadycrossedtoomanytimesandifIstayed…

Ileanedagainstthefrontdoorandstaredthroughthedoorintothekitchen.The

smellofpizzastilllingered,andIknewtherewasatleastanentirepizzaintheboxonthe
sidethatwasprobablythereasonforitlingering.

Ihuggedmyphonetomystomach,thenpulleditoutinfrontofmeandtexted

Jayda.

Me:AtHotDad’s.DoIstayordoIgo?

Herresponsewasimmediate.Sheneededalife.

Jayda:Stay.

Inhindsight,shewasn’tthebestpersontoaskthatquestionto.

“Jesus,youscaredthecrapoutofme.”Brantleylaughed,handonhisstomach.

Ilookedathimwide-eyed.

“Ithoughtyou’dleft,”hesaidthroughhislaughter.“Issomethingwrong?”

“No,I…”Ipaused,narrowingmyeyes.“IthinkI’mfallingforEllie’sguilttrip.”

“Oooh.”Hewinced.“Myapologies.But,thatexplainswhyyou’restillhere.”

“Yeah,Ican’tdecideifIfeelbadforleavingandyoubeinglonelyorworsethatI’m

stayingandIprobablyshouldn’t,”Isaidslowly.

“You’restaying?”Hequirkedabrow.“You’rewelcometo.”

“IguessIam.Imean,Iwasonlygoingtogohome,putonFriends,andtakeoffmy

pants.”

“Youdon’tneedtogohometodothat.I’mnotthebiggestFriendsfanintheworld,

butI’dwatchitifitmeantyouweren’twearingpants.”Awolfishgrinspreadacrosshis
face.

Irolledmyeyesandpushedoffthedoor.“No.I’mnotgoingtotakeoffmypants.”

“Youwoundme.”Helaughed.“It’saniceevening.Wannasitoutside?”

“Sure.”AsIfollowedhimout,IrealizedI’donlyeverlookedattheyardfrom

Ellie’sbedroomwindow.

Brantleypushedopenthebackdoorontoawoodenporch.Alarge,rattansofatook

uponecorneroftheporch,andafewhalf-burnedcandlessatontheglasstableinfrontof
it.Theporchlookedoutoveralush,greenyarddottedwithkids’toys,everythingfroma
soccerballtoaswingsetwithaslide.

Hetookaseatononeendofthesofa,andIdroppedmyselfintothecorner,kicking

offmyshoes.Ituckedmyfeetupandsighed,leaningagainstthesquishybackcushions.

Itwasbasicallysilent.AsidefromthegentlehumoftheTVinside,therewas

nothing.Itwasincredible,becauseI’mnotsureIrealizedhowloudthetwinswereuntil
rightnow.

“Doyoufeellikethiseverydaywhentheygotobed?”

Brantleyquirkedabrow.“Likewhat?”

“Like,wow,shit,they’rereallyloud.”

Hestaredatmeforamomentbeforeburstingintolaughter.Iblinkedathim,

watchingashisshouldersshookwitheachdeepchucklethatescapedhislips.

“AmIfunnierthanIthinkIam?”

Heshookhishead,stilllaughing.“No.I’mlaughingbecauseI’veneverputthat

feelingintowordsbefore,butyoujustnailedit.Itreallyisexactlythat.”

“Theyarereallyloud,”Isaidagain,frowning.“Areallkidslikethatorisitjust

becausethere’stwoofthem?”

“Youhavenoideaaboutkids,doyou?”

“Notreally.I’mprettyignorantaboutthem,”Iadmittedwithashouldershrug.“I’ve

neverbeenaroundthem.TheclosestI’veeverbeenisinthegrocerystorewithJanie
Green’ssonwhoscreamedtheentiretrip.Iwantedtopunchhimintheface.”Ifrowned.
“Thatmakesmesoundlikeahorribleperson.”

“Nah,I’mprettysurewe’veallfeltlikethatonceortwice.”Hewinkedwitha

smirk.“It’sprettyamazing,though.You’resogoodwiththetwins.”

Ablushroseupmycheeks.“I’mjustnicetothem.”

“You’remorethannice.You’reweirdlypatient.Like,withthepaint.Kali,anyone

elsewouldhavelosttheirmindsandbeensofuckingangry,butyoujustbrusheditoff.”

“Iwasannoyed.”Ituckedhairbehindmyear.“Butmeshowingthemthatwouldn’t

haveachievedanything.Youhandledit.I’mjustthebuilder.Myangerhasnoplacehere.”

“Justthebuilder.”Hesmiled,meetingmyeyes.

“AreyousureI’mnotbeingreallyfunnytoday?”

Heshookhisheadagain,rubbinghishandoverhisforehead.“Ithinkit’sfunnythat

yourefertoyourselflikethat.Ithinkyou’remorethanjustthebuilder.”

“Youdo?”

“Doyouhaveanyideahowmuchfunyouaretobearound?”

“No,butifyou’reabouttogivemesomecompliments,I’llhappilylisten.”

Helaughed.“Ijust…Hell.You’rejustfun,Kali.Idon’teventhinkyourealizehow

muchofanamazingpersonyouare.Movingherewassohard,anduntilyoushowedup
onmydoorstep,IwassureI’dchangemymind.Youmakemelaughmorethananyone
everhas.”

“That’sbecauseI’manidiot,”Ipointedout.“Likethepaintbrushmicthing.

Idiocy.”

“You’reanadorableidiot.Itworks.”

“Aw,youthinkI’madorable.”Igrinned.

“Youarewhenyousmilelikethat.”

Anotherblushheatedmycheeks.Iclearedmythroatandlookeddown.

Brantleylaughedagain.“See?Stilladorable.”

“Allright,stopit.You’rejustsayingittomakemeblushnow.”

“Prettymuch.Isitworking?”

Iclappedmyhandsovermycheeks.“No.”

Hereachedover,grabbedmywrists,andtuggedmyhandsaway,revealingthered-

hotblushthatwascoatingmycheeks.Adisarminglysexygrinstretchedacrosshisface,
andIpoutedashisgazeflashedacrossmyface.

“Stopit.”Iwriggledmyhandsoutofhisgrip.“Iswear,messingwithmeisyour

newfavoritehobby.”

“Itis,”headmitted,eyessparkling.“You’resoeasytofuckwith,Idon’tevenhave

totry.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Andtothink—Iletmyselfbeguilt-trippedintothis.”

“Morefoolyou.Iwarnedyouabouther,andyouobviouslydidn’tlisten.”

“That’ssonotfair.Ididlisten,Ijustdon’thavefreakyskillstoavoidtheguiltlike

youdo.”

“Idon’tavoidtheguilt.Ipretend.”

“Wouldyouhavepretendedifyouwereme,knowingyou’dleaveapoorguytobe

lonely?”

Heraisedhiseyebrows.“Iwouldn’thavebeenlonely.I’dhavewatchedTVwith

mypantsoff.”

“Youdon’tgettousemyplansasanexcuse,”Iscoffed.“Andunlessyourdaughter

isamastermanipulator,youwouldhavebeenlonely.”

“She’sfour.Allfour-year-old’saremastermanipulators.Ifkidscamewithmanuals,

thatwouldbethetitleofthechapterthattalksaboutagefour,”hesaid.

“Therearetechnicallymanuals.They’rethesewonderful,futuristicthingscalled

books.”

“Noneofwhicharegearedtowardasingledad,”hepointedout.“ThelasttimeI

Googledsomething,IdiagnosedEliwitharare,deadlydisease,learnedthatthereareway
toomanystylesofbraidforanyhumanbeingtomaster,andalsofoundouthowtogetthe
kidsoutofthedoorbyeightandhavetimetodomymake-up.”

Ipaused.“Icanseehowthatlastonewouldbeofusetoyou.Yourmascaralooks

wonderfultoday.”

Hedippedhisheadandlaughed,hisshouldersshaking.

Ilookedoutoverthetreesattheendoftheyard.Thesunwasbeginningtoset,and

brightflecksbrokeinthroughtheleaves.

“CanIaskyouaquestion?”

Brantleyshifted.“Youmeananotherquestion,right?Sinceyoujustdid.”

Iquicklyflippedhimthebird,whichdidnothingbutmakehimlaughagain.

“Yes.Ihaveaquestion.”

Henoddedhisheadtowardme,restinghisarmalongthebackofthesofa.“Shoot.”

“WasitElliebeingEllie,ordoyougetlonelybyyourself?”

Heopenedhismouth,thenstopped.Closingitagain,hiseyebrowsdrewtogetherin

afrownthatmadedeepfurrowsacrosshisforehead.“Idon’tknow.Iusedto,rightafter
Katiedied.Now,IthinkI’msousedtobeingalone,thatevenifIwerelonely,Iwouldn’t
beabletotellthedifference.”

Ilookeddown,playingwithaloosebitofthreadonmyshirt.“Isithard?Like…Do

youeverthinkthatonedayyou’llwakeupanditwasallinyourhead?Thatshe’sactually
alive?”

“It’shard,butshe’sgone.There’snochangingit.Iknewshewasgoingtodie,andI

madepeacewithitbefore.”Hetappedhisfingersagainstthecushion.“But,no,Idon’t
everwonderifitwasn’treal.Toomuchchangedforittoneverbereal.”

Slowly,Inodded.“It’sweird.IusedtodreamthatwhenIwasakid.Thatmymom

hadn’tdied,andonedayI’dcomehomefromschoolandshe’dbebakingcookies.Ithink
Iconvincedmyselfshewasaspyonceandthat’swhyshewasn’taround.”

Hesmiled.“Griefisweird.WhenKatiedied,Ididn’tcry.Iwasnumb,butI

couldn’tshowanypain.EveryonethoughtIwasweird,andIswear,ifshehadn’tbeenso
sick,Iwouldhavebeenquestionedoverhermurder.”

Thatmademelaugh.“So,you’reapsychopath.Goodtoknow.”

“Don’ttellanyone.IthinkI’mstartingtomakefriendsandIdon’twanttoscare

everyoneoff.”

“Yoursecretissafewithme.Don’tworry.”

“ThankGod.Imightstillhavetokillyou,though.”Hesmirked.“Doyou…Thisis

probablyareallydumbquestion,butdoyoumissyourmom?Likereallymissher.”

“Imisshereveryday,”Iansweredsoftly.“Itdoesn’thurttomissheranymore,it

justkindais,youknow?It’smorelikeit’sbecomeapartofmeandisasnaturalasthe
delightIfeelwhenIfindanextraTwizzlerinthepacket.”

“ATwizzler.”

“Ah,youhaven’tbeenintroducedtomyobsessionyet.Everyonewhocomestomy

househastobringmeTwizzlers.You’dbesurprisedhowsteadythatcandystreamis.”

“Goodtoknow.”Hepaused.“Andthanks.Foransweringthequestion.Itgivesme

hopethatwhenthetwinsunderstand,maybeonedaythey’llbeabletocopewithit.”

“Doyoumissher?”

Heblewoutalongbreath.“Idon’tknow,honestly.It’sabitliketheloneliness.I

thinkifIdo,Imisswhatshewoulddo.Like,Ellie’shair,orcuttingtheirnails,orsewing
upthekneesofEli’sjeans.Doesthatsoundbad?”

“Ithinkitmakessense.”Ibentmykneeandhuggedittomychest.“Youmissthe

factthattheydon’thaveamom.Youmisswhatsherepresentsinsteadofherasaperson.”

Herubbedhishanddownhisfaceslowly.“God,thatsoundsbad.”

“Idon’tthinkso.”Iglancedawaybeforemeetinghiseyes.“That’swhatmydad

missed,too,Ithink.Ourliveschangedsosuddenly,andhehadtolearntodoallthisstuff
he’dneverdone.Idon’tthinkhe’deverthreadedaneedleinhislifeuntilafterMomdied.
Overtime,hereachedapointwherehemissedwhatshewasmorethanwhohewas.He
hadtolearntobeaparentalloveragain.”

“Learntobeaparentalloveragain,”Brantleyechoed.“That’sexactlywhatitis.I

neverimaginedmyselfplaitinghairorputtingsoftenerinBarbie’shairbecauseshegot
draggedthroughabushbackwards.There’sjustsomuch…stuff.Andthat’sallitis.Stuff.
AndIcan’tthreadaneedleforthelifeofme.Ijustbuynewjeans.”

“It’sreallynothard.Especiallyifyoupatchtheknees.”

“Whatpartof“Ican’tthreadaneedle”isconfusingtoyou?”

Iglaredathim.“I’mgivingyouadvice.Takeit.”

“Istillcan’tthreadaneedle.Itreallydoesn’tmatterifpatchesworkornot.Iwon’t

beabletoapplythem.”

“Honestly,you’remakingitsoundlikethreadinganeedleislikerunninganarmy.”

“Irunanarmyeveryday.Theproblemis,Icreatedthem.”

“They’renotanarmy.”Irolledmyeyes.“AndI’llteachyouhowtothreada

needle.”

“Can’tyouthreaditforme?”

“IfIheartheword‘thread’onemoretime,I’mliterallygoingtopunchmyselfin

theface.”

Brantleyleanedforward.“Thread.”

Ipunchedmyselfintheface,thenwinced.

“Thathurt,didn’tit?”Hegrinned.

“Lil’bit,”Ireplied,rubbingthesideofmynose.“Thanksforhurtingme.”

“Ididn’tdoadamnthingtoyou.”

“Yousaidthewordandmademepunchmyself.”

Heshrugged.“You’retheonewhosaidyou’dpunchyourselfintheface.Iwas

merelyconductinganexperimentonyourabilitytofollowthroughwithyourpromises.”

“Great.Itwasasocialexperimentintrust.”Irubbedmynoseagain.“Thatreallydid

quitehurt.”

Helaughed,thenleanedforward.Twofingersbrushedmyjaw,andheturnedmy

facetotheside.“There’snothingthere.Idon’tknowwhyyouhityourselfsohard.”

“BecauseI’manidiot.Weestablishedthisearlier.”Iturnedmyheadback.

“Anadorableidiot.”

“Stillanidiot.”

“Thebestkindofidiot,”hecorrectedme,asmallsmileteasingathislips.“My

favoritekindofidiot.”

Iside-eyedhim.“Ican’tdecideifyou’restillcomplimentingme.”

“Don’ttakeittoohighly,”hereplied.“IhaveEllieinthe‘adorableidiot’camp,

too.”

Ileanedforwardandsmackedhisshoulder.“JustwhenIwasstartingtolikeyou.”

“Startingtolikeme?”Hesnatchedmyhand,wrappinghisfingersaroundmywrist.

Hisfingertipspressedontheinside,andherubbedhisthumbalongthesensitiveskin,
sendingatingleupmyarmthatmademeshiver.Eyebrowsraised,hecontinued,“Ithink
youlikemealotmorethanyou’relettingon.”

Then,likethe—adorable—idiotIwas,Isaid,“Proveit.”

Heblinkedandtuggedmetowardhim.Ididn’tmoveatfirst,buthegrinned

wolfishlyandpulledharder.Myresistancewasuseless,andIknewexactlywhathewas
doing.Ishouldhavestoppedhim,butatthispoint,Icouldn’t.

Iknewwhathewasdoing,andIwassofucked,becauseIwantedhimtodoit.

ChapterTwenty-One

Brantleypulledmerightovertohim,grinningthewholetime.Mystomachflipped

asheliterallydraggedmeontopofhimsoIstraddledhim.Mykneesdugintothe
cushionseithersideofhiships,andheslidhishandsupmythighs,grippingmyhips,and
pullingmerightagainsthim.

Mycrotchwasnestledagainsthis,andIswallowedhard.Thiswasprobablythe

mostintimatepositionwe’deverbeenin.Myheartbeatsofastmychestached.Ididn’t
knowwhattodowithmyhandsorwheretolook—nothing.

“You’reblushingagain,”hemuttered,eyesfindingmine.“You’resodamncute

whenyoublush.”

“Firstadorable,nowcute.You’redishingoutthecomplimentstoday.Anythingelse

youwannacallme?”Myhandsfinallycametorestonhisstomach.

“Plenty,”hesaidinthatsame,lowvoice.

Iwaitedforhimtoelaborate,andwhenhedidn’t,Isaid,“Well?”

Hetiltedhisheadtotheside.“No.”

“Comeon!”Itappedhischest.“Youcan’tsaythatandthenstoptalking.It’sgoing

todrivemecrazy.”

Hesmirked.“Welcometomyworld.”

Ignoringthat.“One.GivemeonewordthatyouthinkIam.”

“Well,likeyousaid,idiotiswellestablished…”

“I’mdone.”Ipushedmyselfoffhim.

Laughing,hepulledmebackintohim.“Youasked.”

“Yes.I’mregrettingitnow,”Isaiddryly.“Areyougoingtobeseriousornot?It’s

buggingme.Comeon.Givemeonewordyouthinkdescribesme.”

“Okay,allright.Fine.”Hethoughtforamoment,meetingmyeyes,thenreachedup

andpushedmyhairbehindmyearinstrikinglytendermoment.“Ithinkyouare
remarkable.”

Whoa.

Thatwasaweightedword.AndnotatallwhatI’dexpectedhimtosay.

Iwetmylipswithmytongue.“Remarkable?”

“Yes.”Henoddedonce,hisgazeneverwaveringfrommine.

“Why?”

“Youmakemefeelalive.”

Itookadeepbreathin.WhatwasIsupposedtosaytothat?WhatIwantedtoask

washow—howdidIdothat?Ididn’tdoanythingspecial.Iwasjustme.HowdidImake
himfeelalive?

“Youmakemelaugh,”hesaidsoftly,asifhecouldreadmymind.“Sometimes,it

feelslikeI’mnothingmorethanDad.But,withyou…Whenyou’rearound…Youmake
mefeellikeI’mmeagain.Theperson,notjusttheparent.Almost…Happy.”

Imadehimfeelalive.

Likehimself.

Happy.

Thatwascrazy.TherewasnowayIhadthateffectonsomeone.

Iwasjustme.JustKali.Crazyandidiotic.

Notallthethingshewassaying.

“Stop,”Isaidsoftly,slidingmyhandsuphischest.“That’snotme—that’syou.

That’syoulivingagain.”

Hecuppedmyjaw,hisfingerscurlingovermyskin.Ourgazescollided,andthere

wasnocontrollingtherapid-fireofmyheartasmydarkeyesmettheturquoiseperfection
ofhis.

“Maybeitis,”hereplied,tiltinghisheadinacknowledgementofmywords.“But

I’dberemissifIdidn’tadmityouhadanawfullottodowithit.”

Iswallowedhard.Mythumbstrokedacrossthesoftmaterialofhist-shirt,eliciting

ashiverfromhim.Thereactionwassounexpectedmybreathhitched,becauserealization
fellatthesametime.

HowmanytimeshadIshiveredathistouch?

Iaffectedhimthesamewayheaffectedme.

Islidmyhandsuphischest,andwithouthesitation,cuppedthesidesofhisneck

andkissedhim.

IknewIshouldn’tdoit,butIdidn’tcare.Therewassomethingdeep

and…jarring…aboutknowingthatImadeadifferenceinhislife.Somethingthathitme
hard,thatmademenotcareanymore.

Thatmakemewanttobreakalltherules,evenifitonlylastedforrightnow.

Mylipsworkedacrosshisevenasthethoughtsspedthroughmymind.Ididn’twant

tostop—Icouldn’tstop.Inthatmoment,IwantedhimmorethanIeverknewIcould
wantaperson.

Iwantedtofeelhim,breathehimin,suffocatemyselfwithhistouch.

Ididn’tcareaboutanythingotherthankissinghim.

Andtheforeignfeelingtookoverme.Grabbedholdofeverycellinmybody,

pushingitswaythroughmyveinsuntilIfeltitfromthetopofmyheadtothetipsofmy
toes.

Consumed.

Iwasconsumedwiththetasteofhim—consumedwiththewayIfeltwhenwe

kissed.Kissinghimmademefeellikeallmynerveendingswerefireworks,andeverykiss
wasafuseburningdownuntil,finally,everythingexploded,blindingmewiththe
intensity.

Brantleyflippedmeoverontomyback.Hishardbodycoveredmine,andI

welcomedhisweightashesettledoverme.Ourlipsmetagain,andIsighedashistongue
foundmine.

Myfingerscombedthroughhissofthair.Hishandsliddownmybodyanddown

mythigh,pullingmylegupashisfingersprobedmythigh.Ashiverranthroughmewhen
heshiftedandhishardeningcockpressedagainstmyclitthroughmyshorts.Thepressure
wasintense,makingmegaspintohismouth,andhislipstwitchedintoashadowofa
smile.

Itlastedonlyasecond.

Theamusementwasquicklyreplacedwitharawneedthattingledthroughmy

veins.ThekissmovedfromdeeptodesperatequickerthanIcouldkeepupwithit,and
beforeIknewit,myhandshadslippedoutofhishairandwastuggingatthematerialof
hisshirt.

Up,up,up.Ituggedituphisbodyuntilitwasscoopedunderhisarmpits.Hefinally

gotthemessage,sittingup.Itsliddown,andhegrabbedthehemandtoretheshirtover
hishead.

Mygazeflittedupanddownhistorso,overthehardpecsofhischesttothe

shadowsthatlinedthepacksofmuscleonhisstomach.

Steadyinghimselfwithonefootonthefloor,hepinchedthecollarofmyshirt,

tuggingwithahalf-grinonhisface.Hisfingertipstuckedbeneathit,brushingmy
collarbones,beforehesatfullyupright,grabbedmyarms,andpulledmeup,too.

Hewastednotimeinslidingtheshirtovermyshouldersanddownmyarms.He

threwittotheothersideofthesoda,thengrabbedatmytanktopandpulleditup.Iraised
myarmssohecouldpullitovermyhead.

Ibittheinsideofmycheekashisgazesweptoverthewhite,lacybrathatcupped

myboobs.Iglancedup,and,justlikethat,oureyesmet.

Hekissedmeagain.

Hungrier.Harder.

Together,wesankdownintothesoftcushionsofthesofa.Hishotskinrubbed

againstmine,andIcuppedhisneck,strokedhishair,exploredthemusclesoverhis
shoulders.

Iwantedtotoucheveryinchofhim—mapoutthedipsandcurvesofhisbodyand

commithimtomemory.Revelintouchinghimandfeelingthesensationofmyfingertips
acrosshisskin.

Thehairthatdottedthelowerhalfofhisstomachandtrailedoffbeneathhis

waistband.

Thegentlebumpofhisshouldermusclesastheyconnectedhisneckandhis

shoulders.

Theroughnessofhisstubbleagainstmychin.

Thesoftnessofhishairbetweenmyfingertips.

Thepressureofhiscockbetweenmylegs…

“Daddy?”Thecallcamefromsomewhereinsidethehouse,snappingusbothoutof

it.

“Here.I’mcoming.”Brantleystoodquicklyand,afteradjustinghispants,quickly

walkedintothehouse.

Iclappedmyhandsovermyface.Mycheeksburnedred-hot,andmystomach

droppedwiththerealizationIwasbasicallyhalf-naked,andonceagain,we’dbeen
interruptedfromgoingfurtherbyakid.

Sittingup,Igrabbedmyshirtsandstood,coveringmychestwiththemasImade

mywayinside.Footstepssoundedfromupstairs,andImovedintothefrontroomtoput
myclothesbackon.Ihadnoideawheremykeysorphonewere,becausemymindwas
spinning.

Spinningwiththeimplicationsofwhatwealmostdid.OfwhatIwantedtodo—of

whatIneverwouldhavestopped.

Myentirebodybuzzedwiththeafter-effectsofourmake-outsession.Therewasn’t

evenenoughlefttoregretit.IthinkIwaspastthat.IthinkI’dlongacceptedthataslong
asIworkedhere,I’dhavetofightwiththeirresistibleattractionIfeltforhim,even
thoughhewaseverythingIdidn’twant.

EverythingIthoughtIneverwanted,thatwas.

Iranmyfingersthroughmymussed-uphairandsighedheavily.WhatwasIdoing?

HadInoself-control?

No,wait.Iknewtheanswertothat.Ihadnone.Nonewhatsoever.

Igrabbedmytanktopandputittherightwayaroundbeforerollingitupand

shovingovermyhead.

IwasjustabouttoputonearmintherightholewhenIpaused,catchingsightofa

still-shirtlessBrantleyinthedoorway.

Hequirkedabrowatme.“Goingsomewhere?”

Iclearedmythroat.“Um,well…”

Slowly,hewalkedtowardme.Step,step,step…Closingthedistancebetweenus

untilhewasabreathaway.“Goingsomewhere?”herepeated.

Imovedback.GlancingovermyshouldertomakesureInevertrippedonanything,

Iwasapparentlyunabletojudgethedistancebetweenmeandthewallandslammedback
intoit.

“Oh,shit,”Imuttered,flatteningmyhandsagainstit.IcouldonlyimaginewhatI

lookedlikewithmywhitetankhangingaroundmyneck.

Anidiot.

Anidiotwastheanswer.

“Yes,”Ireplied,sinkingagainstthewall.“Can’tyouseeI’mbusytrappingmyself

againstthewalllikeanidiot?”

Brantreachedforward.Hisfingerscurledaroundmyshirt,andheloopeditovermy

head,thenthrewitbehindhimtothesofa.

Therewasapredatoryglintinhiseye,onethatmademeshudderwithanticipation.

Mywholebodyshiveredwithit.Iwasonfirewherehisfingertipshadbrushedacrossmy
collarbones.

“We’renotdone,”hemurmured,steppingeverclosertome,closingthedistance

betweenuscompletely.“They’reasleepand,rightnow…”hetrailedoff,sayingnothing.

“Rightnow,what?”Iasked.

Hesitationhitchedhisbreath,makinghischestheave,buthisturquoiseeyesnever

leftmine.“Rightnow,you’remine.”

“For—forwhat?”Istuttered.Myheartthunderedagainstmychest,becauseIknew

exactlywhatfor.

Brantpressedagainstme,cuppingmyface,hislargehandsignoringtheblistering

heatofmycheeksentirelyashetookcontrolofmyface.“Iwantyou,Kali.Iwantyouso
badlythatI’monthebrinkrightnow.AndIknowyoufeelthesameway—Icanfeelit.”

“Andwhatdoyouwantmetodoaboutthat?”

“Givein,”hebreathed,holdinghimselfagainstme.“Giveintowhatyouknowyou

want.Youwantme.”

“Maybeso,but—”

Lips.

Mine.

“Ican’t,”Iwhispered.

“Youcan,”hewhisperedrightback.“Once,Kali.Justonce.Bemine.Rightnow.

Tonight.Stopfightingit.”

Hewasright.Iwantedhim.Iwantedthis.

Iwrappedmyfingersaroundhisneckandpulledhimintome.Itdidn’tmeanI’dbe

his,butfortonight,maybehecouldbemine.

Pushedagainstthewall,heheldmesolid,flat,stable.Imeldedagainstthesurface.

Heleanedintome,handsridingdown,andpressedhismouthtomine.

“Trustme,”wasallhewhispered.

TrusthimwasallIcoulddo.

Hishandssliddownmybody.Heexploredmybodyfrommyheadtothe

waistbandsofmyshorts.Hetuggedthemdownandletthempoolatmyfeet.Pullinghis
lipsaway,hisexpectantgazemetmine,andIchewedtheinsideofmylipasIsteppedout
ofthemandflickedthemtothesidewithmytoe.

Hetrailedhisgazeupanddownmybodyafewtimes.Isquirmedbackagainstthe

wallunderhisscrutiny—untilIlookedrightbackathimandthebulgeinhispants.

Hecuppedmyfaceandkissedme,pressinghishipsrightagainstme.Thekisswas

deepandhungry,andasdesirethrobbedthroughmyveins,Ireachedbetweenusand
undidthebuttonofhisjeans.

Hewasright.

Iwantedhim.

AndtherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutit.

Ishovedhisjeansdownoverhisass.Helaughedagainstmylipsasthejeansfell

downtohisfeet.HesteppedoutofthemandkickedthemawaythesamewayI’ddone
withmyshorts.

Withbothofusinourunderwear,thiswasthepointofnoreturn.

Fuckit.

Icuppedhishardcock.Myfingersbrushedoverhisballs,andhejerkedhiships

intomyhand.Hebasicallypushedmyhandawayfromhimandtrailedhisfingertipsup
theinsideofmythigh.

Ishivered.

Hisfingersgotcloserandclosertomyachingclit.Iclenched,squeezingmythighs

together,butwithoneswiftmovement,heslippedhisfingersbetweenmylegsand
brushedthepadofhisthumbovermylacythong.

Anothershiverranthroughme.

Itookadeepbreathashetoyedwiththematerial.

“Openyourlegs,”hemurmured,slippingmypantiestotheside.

Iobeyed.Shuffledmyfeetacoupleinchesapart,althoughwhatIreallywantedto

dowasclampmylegsshut.

Hepeereddown,brushingthebacksofhisfingersacrossthemoundofskinabove

myclit.Then,slowly,carefully,heranonefingeracrossmypussy.

Igasped,flinchingatthecontact.

“You’resowet.”Hedippedhishead,kissingmyneck,hisfingerjustpushinginside

me.“Andyouweregoingtoleave.”Anotherfingerjoinedthefirstinsideme.Slowly,he
movedhishand,hisfingerspumpinginandoutofmywetness.

Iarchedmyback,eyesclosed.

Hegrippedmychin,pullingmyheadbackdown.“Openyoureyes.Iwantyouto

lookatmewhenyoucome.”

Icouldn’tspeak.But,Ididashesaid.Openedmyeyesandmethisgazeashe

workedhisfingersinsideme.

Hepulledthemout,movingnowtomyclit.Iachedsobad,andnevermindthat

staringintohiseyeswhilehecircledhisfingertipsovermyclitwasthemostawkward
thingIthinkI’deverdone,Iwantedtocome.

Ineededtocome.

Iwasturnedonbeyondbelief.

NeverhadIwantedsomething—someone—asmuchasIwantedthis.Brantley.

Iclenchedandclenchedasherubbedmyclit.Mylegsshook,andhewrappedan

armaroundmywaistasifheknewtheywerereadytogiveout.Ipressedfurtherand
furtheragainstthewall,asifIcouldsinkintoit.

Tinymoansescapedme,minglingwithhisharsh,heavybreaths.Itwastheonly

sound,andittookeverythingIhadtostayasquietasIwas.

“Come,”hewhispered,lipsclosetomine.“Come,andI’llfuckyou.”

IheldonforallofthirtysecondsbeforeIgavein.

TheorgasmfloodedthroughmewithasweetnessIdidn’tknowpossible.Everypart

ofmybodywastouchedbyit,fromthehairsonthebackofmynecktomyachingthigh
muscles.Itfeltsofuckinggood—Iwasbothexhaustedandexhilaratedbyit.

Heheldmeforamoment,thenhekissedmeandreleasedme.“Givemeaminute.

TakeofftherestofyourclotheswhileI’mgone.”

Ididadouble-take.“Whereareyougoing?”

Hemotionedtohiscock.“Togetacondom.”

“Oh.I,um.”WhatwasIdoing?I’dneverhadsexwithoutacondom.“Youdon’t…I

mean…”

Spititout,Kali.

Awkwardly,Iheldupmyarmandpointedtothetinyscarwheremycontraceptive

implantwas.“I’mgood,”Ifinallysaid.“And…Imean,Itrustyou.”

Heraisedhiseyebrows.“Youdon’twantmetowearacondom?”

“Ifyouwantto.I’mnotstoppingyou.I’mjustsaying.I’mgood.”

“You’resoawkward.”Hecamebacktome,cuppingmyface.Hekissedmedeeply,

thenhookedtwofingersinthesidesofmythongandpusheditdownmylegs.

BythetimeI’dsteppedoutofthem,I’dunhookedmybraandtakenitoff,too.

Hekickedittothesideandkissedme.Deeper…harder…moredesperatelythan

before.Withonehandonthebackofmyneck,hefidgeted.Droppedbothhands.Grabbed
mylegs—

Heavedmeup,wrappingmylegsaroundhiswaist.Hisnow-freecockbrushed

againstmywetpussy,andIcircledmyarmsaroundhisneckashegrabbedmyass,using
thewallasleverage.

Hereacheddownandpositionedhimselftoenterme.Inoneslow,easythrust,he

didjustthat.

Ihalf-moaned,half-gasped.

God,hefeltsogoodinsideme.

Bothhandsnowonmyassandgrippingitsotightitborderedonpainful,hemoved,

inandout,andsoonenough,Iadjustedtohim,anditwaseasy.

Hekissedme.

Movedfaster.

Reallyfuckedme.Likehemeantit,likeheneededit,likehewasdesperateto.

Whateveritwashewasfeeling,hechanneleditintohismovementsandfuckedmeharder
andharder,hisgriponmyassholdingmeinplace.

Mybackarched,andImoaned,mynailsdraggingacrosshisshoulders.WhetherI

wastryingtoholdontohimorpushhimaway,Ididn’tknow.Iwashotallover,myheart
thundering,andallIwantedwastofeelthereleaseIknewwasbuildingup.

Desperation.

That’swhathiskisstastedlike.

That’swhathefuckedmelike.

AndIlovedit.

Icouldn’tgetenough.Iwantedmore.Moreoftheassgrip,ofthelipbite,ofthe

deepsatisfactionIfeltwhenheburiedhimselffullyinsidemeandpressedagainstmyclit
atthesametime.

Moreofhisdeep,gutturalgruntsofpleasurewhenIsqueezed.

Moreofthehard-hittingorgasmthathadmeburyingmyfaceinhisshoulder,my

nailsdiggingdeepintohisskin.Ofthepleasurethatwrackedmybody,headtotoe,
sendingmyheartbeatskyrocketingasIcamehardalloverhim.

Hethrustedfaster,then,deepinsideme,stilled,moaningintomyshoulder.Iswear,

Ifeltitashecame.

Itshouldn’thaveturnedmeon,butitdid.

Heheldmethereagainstthewalluntilwe’dbothregainedourbreath.Leaning

back,hepulledoutofmeandgentlyloweredmylegstotheground.Mytoestouched
downtentatively,andalthoughIwasshaking,InoddedtotellhimIwasfine.

Brantleycurledonehandaroundthebackofmyneckandkissedme.Atoddswith

thewayhe’dfuckedme,itwasgentleandsweet,andseemedtosaysomanythingsI
couldn’tfigureout.

“Ohno,”Iwhisperedwhenhepulledaway.

“What?”Alarmtingedhistone,andhemetmyeyes.

Isighed.“Now,it’sgoingtobeawkwardwhenIleave.AndIhavetoleave,or

everyoneandtheirmotherwillbediscussingthefactIdidn’t.”

Heblinkedatme,thenburstoutlaughing.“Isthatit?”

“ThatandIhaveahealthyamountofcomedrippingdownmylegrightnow.”

Hetiltedhishead,lipstwitching.“Letmegetyouatowelforthat.”

“Thatwouldbegreat,thanks,”Ideadpanned.Andsqueezedmylegsshut.

God,thatdoesn’thappeninporn,doesit?

Nevermindporngivingmenunrealisticideasaboutapairoftits—it’dgivenmean

unrealisticexpectationofhowcleanwallsexwas.

Whichwasnotatall.

“Here.”Brantleyhandedmeablacktowel,andIstuffeditbetweenmylegsinthe

mostunladylikewaypossible.Helaughedatmeagain.“Now,forthesecondproblem…
Sinceyouliketorun,wouldithelpifIusedthebathroomandbeintherejustlongenough
foryoutogetdressedandleave?Noawkwardgoodbyes,nonothingthatyoutendto
avoid.”

Huh.

Thatwasn’tabadidea.

Inodded.“Let’sgowiththat.It’llsavemedoingsomethingstupidlikethankyou

fortheorgasmonmywayout.”

Hepressedhislipstogether,shouldersshaking.“Right.Well,I’mgoingtousethe

bathroom.”

Inoddedagain,castingmygazearoundformyclothes.Bra…shirt…shorts…

“Oh,and,Kali?You’rewelcomefortheorgasms.”

Igrimaced.Ah,well.HeknewIwasawkwardanyway.

Thesoundofhislaughteraccompaniedhisexit,andIquicklywipedmylegsand

betweenmythighs.God,sexwasgross.Theyreallyneededtoteachthatinsexed.

Igatheredmyclothes,shovingmybraandshirtonquickly.Myplaidshirtwasa

crumpledmessonthebackofthesofa,butwhatever.TheonlythingIcouldn’tfindwas
mypanties.

Wherethehellhadheputthem?

Anotherquicklook,andIhadtocringeandthrowonmyshortswithoutthem.

TherewasonlysolongBrantleycouldpretendtobeinthebathroom.

Igrabbedtherestofmythingsandpausedatthefrontdoor.

DidIshoutgoodbye?ThatI’dseehimtomorrowatten?

Shit.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Istaredattheceiling.Myalarmhadgoneoffanhourago,butI’dbarelymoved

frombedsince.Notthatitmattered,becauseIdidn’thaveanyworktodofirstthingthis
morning.

WhatIdidhavewasahealthydoseofregretforthedecisionImadelastnight.

Exceptthistimetheregretwasn’tbecauseofwhatI’ddone,itwasbecauseIdidn’tfeel
badaboutitatall.

No.ForthefirsttimesinceI’dmetBrantleyIwas…happy.Itfeltright.Theguilt

wastherebecauseitshouldn’thave,butnoamountofstaringattheplainwhiteceiling
wouldmakemefeelanydifferentlyaboutwhatwe’ddone.

Isighedandrubbedmyhandovermyface.IfIthoughtithadbeenawkwardafter

wekissed,Ididn’tknowwhatIwasgonnasaytohimtoday.

Moretothepoint,Ididn’tknowhowIwasgoingtocopewiththerealizationthatI

hadfeelingsforthisman.ItwasweirdthatithadtakensexformetorealizethatIhad
genuinefeelingsforhim,buthey,mylifewasweird,andsoIdidn’texpectthistobeany
different.

Thenextissue,ofcourse,waswhatIwasgoingtodoaboutthefeelings.Which

was,atthispoint,notadamnlot.WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Afterall,he’dmovedherto
escapethedeathofhiswife.Icouldn’texactlytrytoconvincehimtohavearelationship.

NotthatIwantedarelationship.

Besides,evenifIdidwantarelationship,fallingforamanwithchildrenwasnever

inmyplan.Except,ofcourse,theseweren’tjustanykids.EliandEllieweredifferent—
and,dammit.Iwasn’tjustfallingfortheirdad,Iwasfallingforthem,too.

Andthatwasthebiggestproblem.

AverytimeIlookedatthem,Isawmyself.Isawmyselfasthefive-year-oldgirl

wholosthermother.Granted,theylosttheirmotheralotyoungeragethanIhad,butit
didn’tchangethefactIknewhowitfelttogrowupwithoutone.

Notthatitmeantthatitwasmyjobtotakeoverastheirmom.

NotthatIthoughtIcould.Youdidn’tjusttakeoverajoblikethat,afterall.

See?ThiswasexactlywhyIdidn’twanttofallforsomebodywhohadkids.There

weretoomanyquestions,almostastrangekindofetiquettethatcameofthissituation.
AndIdidn’tknowhowtohandleit.Iwastooflightytohandleit.

But…wasthereawaytohandleit?Iknewmystepmotherhad.Portiahadneverhad

anissue,atleastthat’snotwhatitseemed.Tome,she’dsteppedsmoothlyintotheroleof
beingaparentalthoughsheneverhadanykidsofherown.Maybethatwaswhyshewas
ableto.Hermaternalinstinctshadbeenthereafterallandithadneverbeenherchoicenot
tohavechildrenbutonethattheuniverseisdecidedforher.

Thedifferencewas,I’dneverwantedtohavechildren.

Ithadneverevenbeeninmyplans.Neverconsidered,neverbeenanythingI’dever

particularlywanted.

Well,untilnow.

Atleast,IthoughtIwantedthat.

Maybe,IjustwantedEllieandEli.

Itwasastrangefeeling.IneverthoughtI’dfindmyselffallinginlovewith

somebodyelse’schildren.Theproblemwas,EllieandEliweresoveryeasytofallinlove
with.Sure,theyfought,butwhatkidsdidn’t?

No,thebestpartoftheirrelationshipwasthewaytheylovedeachotherevenwhen

theywerescreamingateachother.Nottomentiontheywerebothjustsoadorableit
wouldbehardnottolovethemanyway.

Withasigh,Ipushedthebedsheetstothesideandclimbedoutofbed.I’dlaidstill

longenough,anditwastimetogetupanddosomething.Evenifthatthingwasonly
walkingtothecoffeemachine.

Notthatwalkingtothecoffeemachinedidn’tachieveanything,and,honestly,itfelt

liketheonlythingIcoulddorightnow.

BecauseIstillhadn’tfiguredoutwhatIwasgoingtosaytoBrantleywhenIsaw

himthismorning.

Icouldn’texactlybelike,“Oh,hey,thanksforthesexlastnight,I’mgoingtobuild

yourkidswardrobenow.”

No.Ugh.

WhatwasIsayingaboutnotregrettinglastnight?

Stupidme.I’dspokentoosoon.

Iwalkedintothebathroomtoadoubletakeinthemirror.Thereweredarkbags

beneathmyeyesandmyhairwasmessedupbeyondbelief.

Honestly,IlookedlikeI’dbeeninafightwithabushandlost.

Iturnedontheshower,andstaredatmyselfinthemirrorwhilethewaterranbehind

me.Ilookedlikeshit.Mymake-upwassmudged,givingmedarkcirclesundermyeyes.
MydrylipsstillheldhintsofmyredlipstickwhereIhadn’tbotheredtowashmyface
beforegoingtosleeplastnight.

AndIdidn’tevenincludethezipthatwascominguponthesideofmynose.Great.

Justgreat.

Itookadeepbreathandgrabbedmyfacecloth.Idippeditundertheflowofwater

comingfromtheshowerandwipedmyfaceuntilalltracesofyesterday’smake-uphad
gone.

Isighedheavily,strippedoff,andgotintotheshower.

Lettingthewaterrushoverme,Itriedtorelax.Itwasn’tworking.Somanyhorror

theoriesaboutwhatwouldhappenwhenIsawBrantleywereswirlingaroundinmyhead.
Ididn’tknowwhyIwassonervous.WasitbecauseIknewhewasn’treallyinaposition
tohavearelationship?OrwasitbecauseIknewnomatterhowmuchIlikedhimthis
wasn’tthekindofrelationshipIwanted?

Wasitjustbecausehewasaclosetdirtytalker?

Ishiveredasthememoryoflastnightwashedoverme.Everythingisthoughtabout

himhadbeenprovendifferent.I’donlyeverseenasthisfunny,sexyguy,whowasagreat
dad.

But,lastnightsentmeadifferentsideofhim.It’dshownmethisalphamalewho

wasn’tafraidtotakecharge,andmakemedosomethingthathadmademeblushashard
asI’dcome.Icertainlyhadn’texpectedhimtogetmeoffandlookedmeintheeyewhileI
came.

Yeah.

DearGod.HowwasIsupposedtolookhimintheeye,knowingthatheknew

exactlywhatIlookedlikewhenIcame?

Jesus,Iwasamess.

IquicklywashedmyhairandsoakedoffbeforeIgotmyselfintoevenmoreofa

messthanIwasalreadyin.BythetimeIturnedofftheshowerwater,I’dgoneoverfifty
differentscenariosaboutwhatwasgoingtohappenwhenIfinallygottotheCooper
house.

Alloftheminvolvedmeblushinglikecrazyandhimsmirkingatme.Which,tobe

honest,wasexactlywhatwasgoingtohappen.

Withanyluckhe’dbetakingthekidsout,andI’dbeabletojustwalkin,go

upstairs,andgetonwithit.

Idressedinmyusualuniformandtoweldriedmyhairbeforeputtingthedamp

locksintoabraidthathungovermyshoulder.

Thebestthingtodowasgetthereandgetthisoveranddonewith.

Evenifitsucked.

***

Unfortunatelyforme,whenIpulledupoutsidethehouse,Brantley’scarwasparked

inthedriveway.

Great.

Isatinsidemytruckforaminutebeforetakingadeepbreath,gettingout,and

grabbingmytoolsfromtheback.

MyheartthumpedalittletoohardasIapproachedthefrontdoor.Itswungopen

beforeIcouldevenknock,andElliestoodinthedoorwaywearingnothingbutapairof
DisneyPrincesspanties.

Waell,IguessitwasbetterthantheinexplicabletimeElihadansweredthedoor

wearingasuperherocape,hisunderwear,andredrainboots.Atleastthisonecouldbe
explainedbyhergettingdressed.

“Ellie!”shoutedBrantleyfrominside.“Getbackinhereandfinishgettingdressed

orwe’renotgoinganywhere!”

“It’sKawi!”sheshouted,givingmeacheekygrinbeforerunningbackinside.

IhesitatedonlyforasecondbeforeIwalkedintothehallwayandshutthefront

doorbehindme.

“Iknowit’sKali,”saidBrantley.“Icanseehercaroutside.Willyounowplease

finishgettingdressed?”

Itookafewtentativestepstowardsthefrontroomdoor,mystomachturningasI

did.Lookingin,IsawthathehadhisbacktomeandwascurrentlywrestlingwithEli
aboutwhichholeyouarewentintowhichholeyourheadwentinto.Apparently,Elikept
puttinghisheadthroughthearmhole,meaningbothstrapsofhistanktopwereonone
shoulderandonlyonearmwasthrough.

“Daddy,wherearemyshorts?”askedEllie.“Deywerehereamimmitago.”

Brantleysighed,finallygettingEli’sheadandarmsthroughtherightholesofhis

superheroshirt.HeturnedtolookatEllie.“I’mgoingtosaytheyarewhereveryouthre
themfiveminutesagowhenyouwerehavingatantrum.”Heraisedeyebrowsather.

Ellieputherhandsonherhips.“Ididnothadatantwum,”shesaid.“Iwasjust

shawingmyannoyance.”

“Whateveryousay,”saidBrantley.“I’mcallingitatantrum.Idon’tcarewhatyou

wanttocallit.Justgoandfindyourclothes.”

Elislowlyraisedhishandpointinghismiddlefingerupattheceiling.Brantley

tiltedhisheadbacktolookupatwhathewaspointingat.I,too,followedthelineofsight,
andhadtostifleagigglewhenIsawwhatElihadspotted.

Ellie’sshortswerehangingfromthelightfixture.

Brantleyburiedhisheadinhishands.

Iguessitbeenthatkindofmorningforhim.

Withasigh,hestoodandpulledtheshortsfromthelightfixture.Hetossedthem

Ellie’sway,withasternlookforhertogetdressed.

Then,finally,heturnedtome,meetingmyeyes.Ittookallfortwosecondsfora

red-hotblushtoworkitswaythroughmycheeks.Hell,ifhewasthinkingwhatIwas
thinkinginthismoment—whichwashowitfelttobeagainstthewallwithhimfucking
me—thenIdidn’tknowhowhewasn’tblushinghimself.

HeglancedoverhisshouldertomakesureElliewasgettingdressedbeforewalking

towardsme.Aslow,easysmilestretchedacrosshishandsomeface.“Morning,”hesaid,

hisvoicelow.

Iclearedmythroatandscratchedthebackofmyneckawkwardly.“Morning,”I

replied.“Isalltheflatpackfurniturestillinthegarage?”

Henodded.“Sorry.Ididn’trealizethatwhatyouaredoingtodayorIwouldhave

takenupstairsforyou.”

Ishruggedoneshoulder.“It’sokay,”Isaid.“Iwashopingtobuildtheirclosets

today.”

Brantleynodded.“LetmehelpyoucarrythemupstairsbeforeItakethekidsout.”

“No,no.It’sokay.Icandoit.”

Hequirkedaneyebrow,smirking.“No,I’mhelpingyou.”

Iopenedmymouthtoarguefurther,butthewayhewaslookingatmetoldmethat

itwouldbefutile.So,insteadofarguing,Idecidedtogiveinandlethimhelpme.Hewas
goingtodoanyway.

Hepokedhisheadintothefrontroomtoseeifthekidswereokay.They’dboth

madetheirwayontothesofaand,theywere,fornow,sittingandwatchingTVnicely.He
motionedwithhishandtometofollowhim.

Iputdownmytoolboxatthebottomofthestairsandfollowinghimtowardsthe

doorinthekitchenthatledtothegarage.

Theboxeswerewherewe’dleftthemwhenthedeliverycameandIrifledthrough

themandthedeliverynotetofindtheboxthatEllie’sclosetwasin.

“Here,it’sthisone,”saidBrantley.Hetappedtheboxattheveryback.

Isighed.Ofcourse,itwouldbetheoneatthebackwherewe’dhavetomoveabout

sixboxestobeabletogettoit.“Allright.”Istaredatit.“Itlooksreallyheavy.”

Hesmirked.“That’sexactlywhyI’mheretohelpyou.

“AreyousayingI’mweak?”Iraisedaneyebrowteasingly.

Thesmirktransformedintoagrin.“No.Ifyouwereweak,thenmyshoulders

wouldn’tlooklikethey’dbeeninafightwithatiger.”

Onceagain,mycheeksflushedbrightred.“Yes,well,”Ipaused.Ididn’tknowwhat

tosaytothat.

Amusementdancedinhiseyes.Hegrabbedabox,hisbicepsflexingashemoved

it.“Asidefromnotraisingmychildrentobeassholes,Ithinkmylife’smissionistomake
youblusheverytimeIseeyou.”

“Itakeissuewiththatmission.”Ipushedaboxacrossthefloor.

“Why?What’swrongwithit?”

“Idon’tlikeit.”

“Youwantmykidstogrowuptobeassholes?”

Ifrownedathim.“That’snottheoneIwastalkingabout,andyouknowit.”

“Iknow.”HegrabbedaboxthatheldEli’sdresserandstackeditagainsttheother

wall.“But,you’realsoreallyadorablewhenyoufrown,soImightmakeyoudothat,too.”

“I’mnotadorable.Puppiesareadorable.Kittens,rabbits,hell,evenbabygoatsare

adorable.”Isniffedandrestedmyhandsontopoftheclosetbox.“I.Am.Not.Adorable.”

“Beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder.Personally,Idon’tcaremuchforrabbits.”

“NeitherdoI,butthatdoesn’tmeanthey’reugly.”

Heheldhishandsup.“Ithinkyou’readorable.Especiallyrightnow,whenyou’re

tryingtoglareatmewithyournoseallwrinkledup.”

Iclappedmyhandovermynose.“Canwenottalkaboutthis?Ihaveworktodo.”

“Wecannottalkaboutthisrightnow.Grabyourendoftheboxandliftitupon

three.One,two,three.”

Webothpickeditup.

Shit,itwasheavy.

“Thankyou,”Isaidaswecarrieditthroughthekitchentothehallway.

“Isaidrightnow,”Brantleycontinued,takingthefirststairandglancingoverhis

shoulder.

Iwasreallytakingthebruntoftheweightofthisbox,andmyarmswereshaking.

“Whatisrightnowsupposedtomean?”

“Itmeanswestillhavetohaveaconversation.”

“Aconversation?Aboutwhat?”

“Well,forastart,aboutthefactyourthongisinmywashingmachine.”

Ialmostdroppedthebox.

Hestopped.“Areyouallright?”

“Whythehellismythonginyourwashingmachine?”

Movingagain,hesaid,“Becauseyouforgottoputitbackonlastnightbeforeyou

left,andIthoughtyou’dappreciatemecleaningitforyou.”

Iexhaledslowly.“AndhereIwas,thinkingwecouldavoidmentioninganything

aboutlastnight.”

“Whywouldwedothat?Seeingyoublusheverytensecondsismuchmorefun.”

“Youhaveawarpedideaoffun.”

“Comingfromthewomanwhousesapaintbrushasamicrophone.”

WereachedthetopofthestairsandIletgoofthebox.“Look,”Isaid,puttingmy

handsonmyhips.“Firstofall,Ididthatonetime.One.Time.Second,Ihavealarge
hoardofveryadoringfansinyourbackyardwhowereincrediblyhonoredtohave
witnessedsuchafabulousdisplayofentertainmentfromme.”

Hislipstwitched.“Youhadonefaninthedoorwaywhoenjoyedwatchingyour

shakeyourassfortwominutesstraight.”

Iblinkedathim.“Imightbelatetotheparty,butwe’vedefinitelyshatteredany

illusionofprofessionalismhere,haven’twe?”

BrantleyshovedtheboxintoEllie’sroomand,then,veryslowly,turnedtomewith

oneeyebrowraised.“Yes.Ifiguredthatoutlastnight.RightaboutthetimeIwaseight
inchesdeepinsideyou.”

Icoughedonthinair.Mycheeksburnedagain,andhislipsformedasmirk.

“What’sthat?Threetimestoday?I’monfire.Likeyourcheeks.”

“Ohmygod!”Itookthelasttwostepsandsmackedmyhandagainsthischest.

“Youinfuriatingman.”

Hegrinned,leaningagainstthedoorframeasIpassedhim.“IfIkissedyouright

now,wouldyouslapmeagain?Itwaskindofhot.”

“Now,Iknowyou’remessingwithme.”Ipointedmyfingerathim.“Stopit.You

havechildrentotakeoutandIhaveahuge-ass,flatpackclosettobuild.There’snotime
foryourbullshit.”

HelaughedasIpassedhim,onceagain,butthistime,Ilefttheroom.Icouldn’t

builditwithoutmytoolswhichweredownstairs.Irandown,pokedmyheadintheliving
roomtoseethemiracleofthetwinsstillsittingnicelytogether,andgrabbedmytoolbox.

BrantleywasstillleaningagainstthedoorframewhenIgotbackupstairs.Hisarms

werefoldedacrosshischest,andhisgazefollowedmeasIekedpasthimintotheroom.

“Areyoujustgoingtostandthereandstareatme?”Isetthetoolboxdownnextto

thegiantbox.

“DoyoumindifIdo?”

“Yes.Ifyou’renotgoingtogoout,helpmeopenthisbox.”

“Areyouthisbossytoallyourclients?”

“No.Youshouldknowbynowyougetspecialprivileges.”Ipulledapocketknife

frommytoolboxandslicedopenthetapeholdingonesideoftheboxtogether.“Andnot
allofthemareenjoyableforyou.”

“Idon’tknow…”hetrailedoff.“Itisquiteenjoyablewhenyoutellmewhattodo.”

“It’sashameyoudon’teverdoit.”

Hegrinned.“Iwasonlygoingtothestore.Notsomewondrousdayoutwherethey

gettorunaroundlikehellions.Atapush,Iwasgoingtotakethemtothebeachtonight.”

“AllIhearfromthisisyouropinionthattheyneedtogosomewheretorunaround

likehellions.”Ipaused,andashoutcamefromdownstairs.

“Daddy!Daaaadddyyyy!”Ellie’sshriekgotlouder,andstompsonthestairsechoed.

“Ewihitme!”

Withoutblinking,hereplied,“Whatdidyoudotohim?”

“Nuffink!”

“Whatdidyoudotohim?”

Shemumbledsomethingunderherbreath,dippingherhead.

“Eleanor.”

“Pushedhimoffthesofa.”

Icoughedtohidemylaugh.

“Thenthelessonhereis,don’tpushyourbrotherandhewon’thityou,isn’tit?”

Brantleysighed.“We’vecoveredthisahundredtimes.”

“Butithurtedme.”Shesniffed,givinghimpuppydogeyes.

“Okay?So,let’sgodownstairs.I’llpushyouoffthesofaandyoucanseeifithurts,

too.”

Hereyeswidened,frompuppydogtodeerinheadlights.“No.I’mokay.Igosay

sowwynow.”

Brantleynodded,watchinghergo.

“Ican’tdecideifthatparentingtechniqueisbrilliantor…well,brilliant,”Iadmitted.

“Thankyou.”Hislipstwitched.“It’ssimple.Ifshedidn’tpushhim,hewouldn’thit

her.Afterthepaintfiasco,you’dthinkshe’dknowthat.Thestuffshedoesalwaysgetsa
reaction.”

“WhataboutEli?Willyoutellhimnottohither?”

“No.Ifshepushedhim,shedeservedit.Eventually,she’llgetthemessage.”

“So,basically,whatyou’resayingisthatyou’reraisingboththekidwhothrowsthe

firstpunchandtheonewhoalwayspunchesback?”

Hepaused.“That’sthemostaccuratedescriptionofmychildrenI’veeverheard.”

Ilaughed,openingtheboxfullyandpickinguptheinstructions.

Atleastthiswasn’tIkeafurniture.

Ilikedmypatience,andIwantedtokeepittoday.

“That’salotofpieces,”hemuttered,lookingatthebox.

“Aboutnormal.”Ipaused,thenlookedfromtheboxtohim.“Yousounded…weary.

Likethisisterrifying.”

“Idon’tbuildflat-packfurniture,”headmitted,droppinghisarmsandstuffinghis

handsinhispockets.“Ican’tbuildit,actually.”

Ilookedathimforamoment.“Noteven,like,atable?Orabookshelf?”

Grimacing,heshookhishead.“Myfatheralwaysusedtodoit.Forwhatever

reason,Ijustcan’tdoit.”

Iblinked.Severaltimes.“Youcan’tbuildflat-packfurniture?”

“Nope.Itdoesn’tmatterwhereit’sfrom.Whetherit’salocalstoreorIkea…”

“First,nobodycanbuildIkeafurniture.Well,Ican,butIdon’tliketo.”Iputdown

theinstructions.“But,this?Easy.Imightneedsomehelptoholdsomepiecestogether,but
honestly,it’slikestackingLego.”

“MorelikesteppingonLego,”hemuttered.

“Ican’tbelieveyoucan’tbuildflat-packfurniture.”

“Herewego.Inevershouldhavetoldyouthat.”

“I’mgoingtobringitupeverysingletimeyoumentionmeblushing.Ipromiseyou

that.”Ilaughed,sweepingtheinstructionstothesideandpullingoutthefirstbitofsolid
wood.“Every.Single.Time.”

Hepushedoffthedoor,smirking.“Rookieerror,Kali.”

“Whatis?”

“Whatyoushouldhavesaidisyou’llbringitupeverytimeImakeyoublush.Now,

I’llkeepmakingyoublush,andjustnotmentionit.”

Mylipsparted.“No,wait.That’snotfair!”

Hewenttostepoutofthedoor,thenstopped.“Youpromised.Youcan’ttakeit

back.Oh,andbytheway?Idreamedofyounakedinmybedlastnight.”

Igasped,movingforwardtobeonmyhandsandkneesasifIweregoingtochase

him.

“Whatacoincidence.”Hesmirked.“Youwerejustlikethat.”

Idroppedbackontomykneesimmediately.“Yourottenbastard!”Isnappedthrough

theburningofmycheeks.

Hewinked,and,onthatnote,left,shoutingforthekidstofindtheirshoes.

Istaredafterhimforthelongestmoment.

Thatsoundedlikeawardeclarationtome.

Mylipscurved.

Ifyoucan’tbeatthem…

Torturethem.

ChapterTwenty-Three

Look,Ididn’tmeantogohomeandgetchanged.

Well,notentirely.Ithadn’tbeenmyinitialidea,butwhenI’dbuiltthemain

structureoftheclosetandonlyhadtoaddintherailandtheshelves,andBrantleystill
wasn’tback,Imadeaflashchoicearoundlunchtime.

Inmydefense,he’dstartedit.Hewastheonewho’ddeclaredwaruponmeandmy

blushing.

Yeah.He’dstartedit,andIwasreadytofinishit.

Iadjustedmybraandglancedatmylegs.Thisskirtwasbasicallyindecent—like

hotpantsbutwithoutthestretchofdenimcoveringyourvagina.IhopedlikehellI
wouldn’thavetobendoveraroundthekids.

Jesus,thatwouldscarthepoorthingsforlife.

IslottedtherailintoEllie’sclosetandtookastepback.Thedoorswereopen,but

thepinkandwhiteclosetwaseverylittlegirl’sdream.Completewithcustomhandlesin
theshapeofatiara.Shewasgoingtofreakthehelloutwhenshegotbackandsawthis.

Iclosedthedoorsandgaveitapushacrossthefloorsoitwasagainstthewall.I

blewoutaheavysigh,thenturnedmyattentiontothemessofpackaging.MySpotify
playlisttickedovertothenextsong,andIhummedalongasthefamiliartuneofEd
Sheeran’sGalwayGirlfilledtheroom.

Itmadetheclean-upalittlebetter.Ijustwasn’tgoingtoholdanimpromptuconcert

thistime…justincase.

ThelastthingIneededwasforBrantleytocomeinandseemeusingascrewdriver

asamicrophonethistime.

Withallthetrashsortedandintheoppositecorner,Iheadeddownstairstothe

garageandfoundtheboxthathadEllie’sdrawers.Iwouldbuildherfurniturefirst,andget
herroomreadyexceptforthebedbeforeturningmyattentiontoEli’s.

Theboxwaslighterthanthecloset,andIwasabletomoveitmyself.Iheavedit

upstairsintoherroomandsetitdown.Iglancedaroundformypocketknifetosliceit
open,hummingalongtoanotherEdSheeransongIdidn’tknowthetitleof.Ifounditin
thetrashinthecorneroftheroom,grabbedit,andkneeleddowntoopenthebox.

“Jesus!”

MyhandslippedinshockandIslicedmyfingeropen.

“Shit!”Iimmediatelydroppedtheknifeandbroughtmyfingertomymouth.

“Ouch!”Imumbledagainstmyfinger.

“Oh,shit.”Brantleycrossedtheroomintwoquickstrides.“Iwasabouttotellyou

towarnaguyyou’rewearingnexttonothing,butnevermind.Letmelook.”

Ishookmyheadandpulledmyfingeroutofmymouth.“It’sfine.It’snotdeep.It’ll

stopbleedinginaminute.”

Itreally,reallyfuckinghurt,though.

“Letmesee.”Hegrabbedmywristandlooked.“That’snotgoingtostopbyitself.”

“Howdoyouknow?”Ibroughtitbacktomymouth.

Hemetmyeyesandsaiddryly,“Ihaveafour-year-oldson.I’veseenmorecutsand

scrapesthanyoucanimagine.ComedownstairsandI’llgettheFirstAidkit.”

“It’sfine,”Imumbledagainstmyskin.“Really,it’smyownfault.”

“Iwon’targuewiththat.”Hestood.“Comeon.”

Isighedandfollowedhim.Maybehewasright—myfingerwasshowingnosigns

ofslowingdownitsbleeding.

Justgreat.

“Ohno,”Elibreathed,sittingatthekitchentablewithappleslices.“Doyouhada

booboo?”

Igrimacedinpainandnodded.“Yep.Openingabox.”

“Openingabox?”Ellieasked,hervoicegettinghigherattheend.“Howdoyoucut

yourselfopeningabox?”

“Whenyourdaddystartsshoutinginthedoorwayandscaresme,”Ianswered

honestly.

“Oh,Daddy!”Elliestaredathim.“LookwhatyoudidtoKawi.”

Brantleyfroze,plastictubinhand.“Ididn’tdoanything.IfIknewshehadaknife

inherhand,Iwouldn’thavesaidanything.”

“Lies,”Imutteredundermybreath.

Hemetmyeyes.“Yourownfaultandyouknowit.”

“Youstartedit.”

“Whostartedwhat?”thetwinsaskedinunison.

“Nevermind.Eatyourfruit,”Brantleysaidwavingmeovertotheside.“Rinseyour

fingeroffanddryitcarefully.”

Ididashesaidashebasicallyemptiedthecontentsofahospitalstorageroomonto

thecountertop.IwasseriouslyimpressedbytheamountofBand-Aid’s,bandages,and
variousotherfirst-aidtypebitshehadinthere.

“Wereyouadoctorinapastlife?”Iaskedholdingthedarkredtowelaroundmy

finger.

“No,”hereplied.“I’maparentinthecurrentone.You’dbesurprisedhowoftenI

restockthisthing.”

IglancedatEliwhocurrentlyhadascrapeonhiselbow.“MaybetwoweeksagoI

wouldhavebeen.Now?Notsomuch.”

Helaughed,takingthetowel.“You’relearningfast.Restyourarmonthecounter

andI’llbandageyourfingerup.”

“Idon’tthinkI’mlearninganything,”Isaidslowly,puttingmyforearmonthe

towel.“Everythingjustmakesabitmoresensenow.”

“Whateveryousay.”Hegottoworkonwrappingmyfinger.

“Whatareyoudoo-win?”Ellieasked.“Upstairs.”

Iturnedmyheadtothesideandofferedherasmile.“I’mbuildingyourfurniture,

actually.Ididyourclosetalready.IwasabouttostartyourdresserwhenIcutmyself.”

“Ohno!Ismydwesserokay?”

Brantleysnorted.

“Perfectlyfine.Unlikemyfinger.”

“You’retheonewithbutterfingers,”Brantleysaid,wrappingabandagearoundmy

finger.

“Youscaredme,”Ishotback.“Ididn’tdoitonpurpose.”

“Canyoustillbuildmydwesser?”Ellieaskedaroundamouthfulofstrawberries.

Itwasnicetoknowwhereherprioritieswere.

Iwasfine,notthatshecared.

“Yes,Icanstillbuildyourdresser,”IrepliedasBrantleytapedmyfinger.

“Amazing.Youcandothat,butnotbuildabookshelf.”

Hesighed,droppinghisheadback.“IcouldbuilditifIhadto.But,Idon’thaveto.

Youdo.”

“Ithinkyou’relying.”Iadmiredhishandiworkonmyfingerbeforecrossingmy

armsandultimatelywincingasIputpressureonmycut.

“Daddycan’tbuildwego,”Elisaid.“HetwiedtobuildacastleforEwwiebut

couldn’t.”

“Okay,first,”BrantleywaggledhisfingeratEli,“Therewerebricksmissing.”

“Istoledem.”Elliegrinned.

Brantleyflickedhisgazetoher.“Exactly.Andsecond,IcanbuildLego,Ijust

choosenotto.”

“Becauseyoucan’t?”Ioffered.

“Don’tyouhavesomethingtodo?”

“Mandatorybreak,”Ireplied.

“Onwhatgrounds?”

“Myfingerreally,reallyhurts.”

Hestaredatmyhand,thenshookhishead.“Idon’tknowhowtoarguewiththat,so

I’mnotgoingto.I’mgoingtosayokayandleaveitatthat.”

Smartchoice.AndhesaidIwastheonewhowaslearningfast…

“CanIhelpyoubuildmydwesser?”Ellieasked,pickingupanapplejuiceboxand

sippingonitsohardhercheekshollowedout.Trailsofredjuicedribbleddownherchin
fromthestrawberries.

Brantleyhitabuttononthedishwasherandclosedit.“Whathappenedlasttime

someonetriedtohelp?”

“But,there’snopaintdistime,”shereplied.

Ha.Point:Ellie.

“Kalialreadyslicedherfingeroff.Icanonlyseethisendingbadly.”

“Ididn’tslicemyfingeroff.It’sjustascratch.”

“Ascratchthatwon’tstopbleeding.”

“Ohmygod,you’resopedantic.Whatever.”

Heburstoutlaughing.“You’refeistytoday.Isitthattimeofthemonth?”

“Youknowdamnwellitisn’t.”Iputmyhandsonmyhips.“I’mnottakingthis.I’m

goingtowork.”

MorelaughterfollowedmeasImademyexit,andIrealizedthatwasexactlywhat

hewastryingtogetmetodo.

Ipausedatthebottomofthestairs.“Wellplayed!”

Again,laughter.

“Ellie!Let’sgo!”Icalled,wavingmyhandtowardher.

“Yes!”Shethrewhertinyfistintotheairandjumpedoffherchair,scramblingafter

measIheadedupstairs.

***

Ellietippedatinybagofthescrewsintoherhand.Holdingitout,shepickedone

screwoffherpalmandhandedmeit.

“Thankyou,”Isaid.

Apparently,four-year-oldslikedscrewsifitmeanttheycouldhelp.Organizingall

ofthemhadkeptheramusedfortheentiretyofthisbuild—she’dtakenthemallout,
sortedthemintopiles,andthenputthembackinbags.

“Kawi,”shesaid,watchingmeasIscrewedtogetheradrawer.

“Yes?”

“Doyouwikemydaddy?”

Ipausedmid-screw.Thatwasaloadedquestion.“Whatdoyoumean?”

Sheshifted,thentuckedsomeofherhairbehindherear.“Areyoufwiends?”

“Sure.We’redefinitelyfriends.”

“Areyoufwiendswhokiss?”

Iblinkedather.ThiswasnotaconversationI’deverpicturedmyselfhaving.“Why

doyouask?”

“’Causehewaughswotsnow,andIknowhedoesn’thaveanyfwends.”

Itightenedthescrew,thensetdownboththecompleteddrawerandmyscrewdriver.

Thiswasoneobservantchild.

AndIhadnoideahowtohavethisconversationwithher.

“HaveyouaskedDaddythis?”

Sheshookherhead.“Idon’twannamakehimsad.”

“Whyareyouaskingme?”Isaiditgently,becauseIgenuinelywantedtoknow.

“Daddywassad.Denwemovedhere.”Shedroppedhereyesandplayedwiththe

screwsinherhand.“Denyoucame.AndnowDaddyishappy.And,and,sometimes,
whenI’msad,DaddykissesmeanddenI’mhappyagain.So,Ifortmaybeyoukissed
Daddyandmadehimhappyagain.”

Wow.

Kidlogic.

Prettyaccurate,actually.

Shit.

Itookadeepbreathandslowlyletitgoagain.HowwasIsupposedtoanswerthat?

HowwasIsupposedtoansweritinawaythatshewouldn’ttakeitandcomeupwith
somewildscenario?

Because,yes,IhadkissedDaddy—andawholelotmore—andhe’dalreadytoldme

thatImadehimfeelhappy.ButexplainingthattoElliewhensheobviouslyhadsomekind
ofhopeforsomethingwouldnotbeeasy.

Maybeitshouldn’tevenbeexplainedatall.

“Ilikeyourdadverymuch,”Isaidslowlyandcarefully.“Butthatdoesn’tmeanI’m

thereasonhe’ssohappy.Maybehereallylikesithereinyourlovelynewhouse.”

Sheshookherhead,hercurlsbouncing.“No.Hewaughsawotwiffyou.”

“MaybehethinksI’mfunny.LikeyouthinkthatdogonthatTVshowthat’sreally

clumsyisfunny.”

Shelookedup,ahintofagrinonherface.“Marshallisfunnywhenhecwashesinto

theelevader.”

“Right?See,maybethat’showDaddythinksI’mfunny.”

Thesmileslowlydroppedfromherface,andshenodded.“Okay.”

Imovedthedrawertothesideandgrabbedtwopiecestostartthenextone.Shewas

alreadyhandingmeascrew.Itookitandpaused.Therewassomethingelsebotheringher.

“Ellie?”Isaidsoftly.“Istheresomethingelse?”

Shelookedupandmetmyeyes.“AlltheudderkidsatSummer’shousehavea

mommy.”

Oh,boy.

“Yes,theydo,”Isaidcarefully.

“But,mymommyisanangel.”Shefrowned.“DoyoufinkIcanhaveanudder?”

Oh.

Boy.

Istartedscrewing.“Well,maybe.That’ssometimeshowitworks.Didyouknow

thatmymommyisanangel,too?”

“No.Whendidshegwowwins?”

“Iwasfive,”Isaid,takingthenextscrew.“Iwasverysad,butwhenIgrewupa

littlebit,mydaddymetsomeoneelse,andnowshe’smystep-mommy.”

“Doesshedofinslikebwaidyourhairandpaintyournailsandhelpyoupick

pwettydwesses?”

“Sheusedto.I’manadultnow,butshedid,yeah.”

“DoIhadtowaituntilI’mbigforanewmommy?”

“That’suptoDaddy,Iguess.Hehastofindsomeonewhomakeshimhappyand

wholovesyouandyourbrother.”

“Likeyoumatehimhappy?”

“Kindoflikethat.”Istopped.“Maybeyoushouldfinishthisconversationwith

Daddy.Hewillprobablyhavemoreanswersthanme,okay?”

Shefrownedagain,butshenoddedinagreementanyway.Thankgod—thatwas

rapidlyapproachingalineofquestioningIhadnoanswersfor.

IfIdidn’tstop,Iknewshe’dconnectthings.AndtheverylastthingIwantedtodo

wastobreakherheart.

BecauseIwasn’tevensureifI’dacceptedhowIfeltaboutBrantleyyet.

***

“Man,thatescalatedquickly,”JaydasaidwhenIwasdoneexplainingeverything

thathadhappened.Shetoreoffapieceofnaanbreadandtiltedherheadtotheside.“Did
sheaskBrantleyanything?”

Ishrugged,dippingmyownbitofnaanintothesauceonmyplate.“Idon’tknow.

Shehungarounduntilwe’dfinishedbuilding,thendisappeared.Iputupacoupleof
shelvesandleftquickly.”

“Wasn’titawkward?”

“Idon’tthinkheheard,honestly.WhenIwasdone,hewasonaworkcall,soIjust

motionedthatIhadtoleaveandcamehere.”Inibbledonthebread,thenputitdownand
reachedformywine.“It’sall…Shit,Idon’tknow,Jay.”

“It’sallfuckedup,”shefinishedforme.

“Basically.”Isighedandleanedbackonthesofa.

Shecradledherwineglassagainsther,nestlingherselfintothecorner.“Areyou

onlyfeelinglikethisbecauseyouseehimliterallyeveryday,though?Like,whenyou’re
donenextweek,howoftenareyougoingtoseehim?”

Thatwasagoodpoint.

“Andisheevensomeoneyou’dconsiderdatingifyouhadn’tmethimlikethis?No.

Becauseofthekidthing.Andtheonlyreasonyou’reinthissituationisbecauseyouknow
andlikehiskids.”

“You’retheonewhotoldmetoscrewhim,remember?”

“Yes,”shesaidslowly.“ButIdidn’tknowyouhadfeelingsforhim.”

“NeitherdidIuntilhefuckedmesevenwaystoSunday.”

Shesnorted.“Funnyhowthathappens.”Sherestedherglassonherthigh.“Imean,

thinkaboutthis,Kali.Ifyouactedseriouslyonthewayyou’refeelingrightnow,literally
everythinginyourlifewillchange.Youwouldn’tbesteppingintobabysitbecausehe’s
desperate.Thekidswouldbecomeyourresponsibility.Areyoureadyforthat?”

“YouassumeI’mgoingtotellhimthatIhavefeelingsforhim.”

“Well,that’sthefirstthingyouneedtodecide.”

“Iloveitwhenyoustatetheobvious,”Isaiddryly.“Idon’tevenknowhowIfeel.

Areyouright?Maybe.Maybeit’sjustbecauseIseehimeverysingledayrightnow.I
don’tknow.”Ileanedmyheadagainstthesofa.“Ineedtofigureitout.”

Jaydanodded,almostgrimacingasshedid.“Andyouneedtodoitquick.Isitjust

attraction,orareyoufallingforhim?”

“Thanks,Dr.Phil.”

“You’rewelcome.”Shegrinned.“Onethingyoucoulddoisgoonadateandsee

howyoufeelaboutitthen.”

Iwinced.“Ihaven’tcheckedtheappfordays.”

Sheraisedhereyebrows.

ChapterTwenty-Four

Isweptthepencilacrossthewall,usingmyphoneasareferenceforwhatthe

Supermanlogolookedlike.I’dspentthelasthourdrillingandputtingupshelvesinEli’s
room.Thefloorwascoatedindustfromthedrilling,butIcouldn’tbebotheredtocleanit
upjustyet.

Iusedmyspiritleveltomakesurethelineswerestraightfortheoutsideofthelogo.

Thegoldwritingonthepencilread‘Don’tbeatwat,’andkeptcatchingmyattentionasit
glintedinthelight.

Nobodyreallyneededtwentypencilsthatread‘Don’tbeatwat,’butIhadthem,

thankstomymom.

Itwasagoodmottotoliveby,tobehonest.

ThesilenceofthehousewaswelcomeasIsketchedontothewall.Thelogowas

simple,butthestraightlineswerekillers.Still,Igotitdoneafterabouthalfanhourof
drawing,andmovedtopaint.

Ididn’tgettodothisoften,anditwasnice.Nicetobreakawayfromthenoiseand

occasionaltediousnessofmyjob.

IlovedwhatIdid,buttherewasonlysomanytimesyoucoulddosomethingbefore

yougottiredofit.Ifeltthatwayaboutpaintingingeneral,sodoingtheSupermanlogo
wasfun.

I’djustfinishedtheredwhenthefrontdooropenedandthenshutagain.Thetwins

wereatdaycare,andsinceI’dskippedoutlastnighttogotoJayda’s,thiswouldbethe
firsttimewewerealonesince…well,yeah.

Ikindahopedhewouldn’tcomeupandtalktome,butIknewhimbetterthanthat.

NosoonerhadIthoughtthatthanIheardhimonthestairs.

Ibentdownanddippedmybrushintotheyellowpaint.

“Hey,”hesaidfromthehallway.“You’renotholdingaknifetoday,areyou?”

“Ha.You’refunny,”Ireplied,gettingexcesspaintoffthebrush.“Justapaintbrush

today.”

“AmIinterruptingaprivateconcert?”

“I’mnevergoingtoliveanyofthisdown,amI?”

Brantleyfinallysteppedintotheroomwithawolfishgrinonhisface.“No,”he

said.“Notevenclose.”

Isighedandstartedpaintingagain.“Sounfair.”

“Howisyourfingertoday?”

“Painful,butitstoppedbleeding.JustanormalBand-Aidtoday.”Iwiggledmy

fingersinhisdirection.

Henoddedslowly.“Good.”

Igotmorepaintonmybrushandcarriedon.Neitherofussaidanythingfora

moment,andthesilencewasbothcomfortableandawkward.HowthatwaspossibleI
didn’tknow,butIdidknowthatIdidn’tmindbeingaroundhiminsilence.

“Doyouwanttogetlunchtoday?”

Ifroze.“Justlunch,or…likeadate,lunch?”

Hequirkedaneyebrow.“Doesitmatter?Lunchislunch.”

“Inarestaurant?”

“TheCoastal?Sure.”

“We’dbemorelikelytokeepourclotheson.”Welp.Ididn’tmeantosaythatout

loud.

Brantleyconsideredthis.“Icanorderin.”

Iwavedmyhandathim.“Stopthat.I’mworking,andI’mdeterminedtoget

finishedontimesotheycanhavetheirroomsinafewdays.”

Heglancedaround.“Areyoureallyalmostdone?”

Inodded.“Ijusthavetobuildtherestofthefurniture,mostly.Oh,andputupthe

curtainpoles.”

“Wow.”Hecasthisgazeovertheroom.“That’llbeweirdwhenyou’redone.I’m

usedtohavingyouhere.”

Ismiled.“You’lllikeitevenmorewhenI’mnot.”

Hedidn’trespond,justinclinedhisheadslightlyinmydirection.“So,lunch?Here

orout?”

Itwistedmymouthtotheside.“Whenever.Iplannedtostopinanhour.”

“Doyouhavetimelimitforlunch?”

“Notreally.I’lljuststayabitlater.”

Hebobbedhishead.“Let’sgoout.I’llcalltheCoastalandseeifMarciecansaveus

atable.”

“Soundsgood.”Ismiled,andhereturneditrightbeforeheturnedandleft.

Mybrushhoveredoverthewall.

Wasitadate?

Damnit.

***

Theroaroftherestaurantwasloud.Apparently,therewassomecompetitiondown

onRockBaybeachandtheCoastalhadpickedupallthepeoplewho’dturnedoutforit.
Everytablewasfull,andIwasdefinitelygladthatBrantleyhadcalledahead.We’dbeen
abletowalkrightinandgotoourtable,passingthepeopleinthefrontfoyerwhowere
waitingforonethemselves.

Marcieeyedwithmeraisedeyebrows,alookthattoldmeshewantedtoknow

everythingassoonasshepossiblycould.Sheputourcoffeesdownand,withonelast
glance,excusedherselftoanothertable.

Brantley’slipstwistedinamusement.“She’snotverysubtle,isshe?”

Igrimaced.“Aboutassubtleasanuclearbomb.”

Helaughedquietly,openingthesugarpacketsshe’dbroughtandpouringacouple

intohiscoffee.“Howmuchdoyouwanttobetshe’sgoingtocallyourmomandtellher
we’rebothheretogether?”

“Fiftysaysshe’salreadyonthephone.”Isnorted.“Whatever.Peoplearealready

talking.Itdoesn’tmatter.”

“Itreallybothersyou,doesn’tit?Thegossiping.”

“Itdoesn’tbotheryou?”Iquestioned,thenshrugged.“Iwouldn’tsayitbothersme.

I’musedtoit.Idowishpeoplecouldkeeptheirnoseoutofmybusiness,though.”

“IguessI’mstillatthestagewhereI’mcharmedbythissmalltownandallitslittle

idiocies.”

“Littleidiocies.”Ilaughed,finallypullingmymugtowardme.“That’sonewayto

describeit.”

“Well,theyare.They’rekindofcharming,inareallyweirdway.Thegossipis…

unusual,tome.I’mnotusedtoeveryoneknowingeverything.”

“Yeah,well,youstartedthatwithuswhenyoutoldeveryoneI’dstayedlateor

whateveritwasyousaid.”

Hefrownedforamoment.Iwatchedasrealizationdawned,andhelaughedhard.

“Oh,god.Inevertoldyou.”

“Nevertoldmewhat?”Inarrowedmyeyes.

Brantleyscratchedthebackofhisneck.“Ineversaidthat.Itwasajoke.Iwas

fuckingwithyou.”

Ileanedoverthetableandsmackedhisarm.“Ohmygod.Allthatstress,andfor

what?Youass!”

“I’msorry.”Hedidn’tlooksorryatall.“IforgotIneversaid.”

“Yeah,sure.Whatever.”

Thistime,hislaughterwassilent.“Well,thereyougo.Now,youknow.”Hesipped

hiscoffee,eyesshiningwithmirth.“Ididactuallywanttotalktoyouaboutsomething.”

“Ishouldhaveknowntherewasacatchwiththislunchthing,”Isaid.“Doesthat

meanit’snotadate?”

“It’sahalf-date,”hereplied.

“IthinkIcandealwiththat.Whatdidyouwanttotalkabout?”

Hepaused.

AndIknew.Iknewexactlywhathewasabouttosay.

“YouheardmyconversationwithEllie,didn’tyou?”Ibeathimtoit.

Henodded.“Iwascominguptocheckshewasn’tbeingapaininyourass.Idon’t

thinkIhearditall,butIheardenough.”

Iswallowed.God—whatifhethoughtI’doversteppedmybounds?HadI

overstepped?ShouldIhavejustnothadthatconversationwithheratall?

“I’msorry,”Istarted.“IfIshouldn’thavetalkedaboutitwithher,butIdidn’tknow

whattosay.”

Hisbrowstwitchedintoafrown.“What?No—it’snotthatall.Iwantedto,first,

thankyouforhowyouhandledit.Icouldtellshecameatyoufromleftfieldwithher
questions.”

Iblewoutalongbreathandslumpedbackalittleinmyseat.“Honestly,yeah.AndI

knewwhatshewasfishingfor,but…”Itrailedoff,lookingaway.

“Butthat’snotwhatyouwant,”hefinishedforme.

Notcoldly,notsadly,notanything.Justastatement.

Onethatwastrue.

Oronethatwas.

Was…

Maybe.

Ipickedatmynapkin.“Idon’tknowhowtorespondtothat,”Iadmittedquietly.“I

don’tknow,Brant.Thatwouldhavebeentrueevenaweekago,butIdon’tknowhowI
feelrightnow.”

Heraisedhiseyebrows,surpriseglintinginhisturquoisegaze.“Thatwasn’twhatI

wasexpectingyoutosay.”

“Well,I…”Isighed.WhatthehellcouldIsay?HowcouldIexplainfeelingsI

didn’tunderstand?“Idon’tknowwhattosaytoyou.”

Herestedhisforearmsonthetableandleanedforward.“Youdon’thavetosay

anythingtome.Youdon’towemeanykindofexplanation,nomatterhowmuchIwant
oneforthatvague-assanswer.”

Ihalf-smiled.“Therearealotofthingsinmyheadrightnow.I’mbasicallyarguing

withmyselfawholelot.”

“Careful.Idon’twantyoutothinktoohardandhurtyourself.”

Istaredathimflatly.

Hegrinnedatme.Arealboyishgrinthatsentbutterfliesthroughmystomach.“I

stilljustwanttosaythankyouforthewayyouhandledher.Shenoticesalot,and…it’s
notalwaysagoodthing.Fortherecord,youalreadyknowthatwhatshesaidistrue.”

Alumpformedinmythroat.“Iknow.”

Hetookadeepbreath.“AndIlikeyou,Kali.Ilikeyoualot.”

Myheartskipped.

“Iknowit’shardandit’scomplicated,butIwantedtomakethatcleartoyou.”He

paused,thenscratchedathisjaw.“ThelastthingIexpectedwhenImovedherewasto
findsomeonelikeyou.”

Hiswordscurledandcurvedthroughmybody,grabbingholdofme.

ThelastthingIexpectedwhenIknockedonyourdoorwastofindsomeonelikeyou.

ThatwaswhatIwantedtosay.But,thewordswouldn’tcome.

Iwassavedfromanimmediatereplybythearrivalofourfood.Afteraquickcheck

onwhetherwehadeverything,wewerelefttoourselvesandIfinallygrewapairand
askedthequestionaboutsomethingIhadn’trealizedwasevenbotheringmeuntilnow.

“CanIaskyousomething?”Imethiseyes.

“Anything.”

Ilickedmylips.“AmI…”Deepbreath.“AmIthefirst?Sinceshedied?”

Hestaredatmeforamoment,thennoddedhishead.Justonce.“I’mafatherbefore

anythingelse.Iwasn’tlookingtomeetanyonewhenImetyou.”

Iswallowed.“Igetthat.Iwasjustwondering.”

Hesmiledwryly.“Well,I’msogladwegottohaveanice,lightconversationover

lunch.”

Istaredathimforamoment,mylipstwitching,thenstartedtolaugh.“You’rethe

onewhowantedthischat.”

“True.Itescalated,though.”

“Isthatabadthing?”

Hepickeduphisforkandlethislipscurlintoasmallsmile.“Ihopenot.”

***

Elliestaredatme.“Areyoudoneyet?”

Iglancedupintothedoorway.“Nope.Notquite.”

Shesighedandleanedagainsttheframe.“Oh,gosh.It’stakingsowong.”

Ifoughtbacklaughter.“I’msorry.Maybethreemoredays.Fouratmost.Isthat

okayforyou?”

“Can’tyoudoitkicker?”

“’Fraidnot.IwishIcould.”Shehadnoidea.

“Dat’sokay.”Sheputherhandsinthepocketsofherskirt.“Daddy’sworkingand

Ewiisasweeponthesofa.Ibored.”

Itiltedmyheadtotheside.“Okay.Didyouwanttohelpme?”

“Whatareyoudoing?”

“I’mbuildingyourtoybox.Seethepinklid?”

Shenarrowedhereyes.“CanIdosomescwewing?”Hopeflashedacrossherface.

“Sure.Comesit.”Iwavedherover.“Here’sascrewdriverforyou.”

“Oh.It’spink,”shebreathed.

“They’reallpink.”Igrinnedandmovedthetoolboxbetweenus.“See?”

“Wow.”Wondercrossedherlittleface.“Dat’s‘mazin’.”

Igrinned.

“Howdoyouknowwhichoneyouneed?”

“Whichscrewdriver?”Iclarified.

Shenodded,clutchingholdofthehandlesotightherknuckleswentwhite.

“Thescrewsaredifferent.Look.”Ipickeduponeofthecrossheadscrewsand

showedittoher.“Ifyoulooktheheadofyourscrewdriver,itmatchestheshape.See?”

Shemadeagreatshowoflookingatboththescrewandthescrewdriver.

“Ifyouputitin,itshouldfit.”Ipinchedthesharpendofthescrewandhelditoutto

her.“Tryit.”

Shedidjustthat,pokingit.ExceptI’dgivenheronethatwasasizetoobig.

“Oh,holdon.That’stoobig.Theycomeindifferentsizes,see?”Ipointedatthe

screwdriver.“Youneedasmallerone.”

“CanIgetit?”sheasked.

“Sure.Seeifyoucanfindthenextsizedown.”

“Okay.”Sherifledthroughthem,checkingeachoneuntilshecametoaflathead

screwdriver.“It’sdifferent.”Shehelditup.

“Yep,therearetwotypes.Idon’tthinkIhaveanyscrewsthatitwouldfit,butnot

allscrewshavethecross.Somehaveoneline,andthat’swhatyou’duseaflathead—that’s
whatit’scalled—screwdriverfor.But,ifyouhaveacrossscrewanddon’thavetheright
crossheadscrewdriver,youcanuseaflatone.”

“Weawy?”

“Yep.Pokethescrewwithasmaller,flatone.”

Shegotoneofthesmallonesoutanddidit.Moredelightcrossedherface.“Okay.I

needacwossone,doe,wight?”

Ismiled.“Yes,youneedacrossone.Didyoufindityet?”

Shenodded.“Yousittin’onit.”

Ipluckedthescrewdriverfromnexttomythighwithagrin.“Hereyougo.”Iput

thescrewinthepre-drilledholeandtwisteditafewtimes.“Okay,comehere.”Ipatted
mythighs,andshecametositonme.“Now,verycarefully,putthescrewdriverinthe
screwandtwistitclockwise,okay?”

“Whycockwise?”

Ibitbackalaugh.“Clockwiseistotheright.That’showyoutightenscrews.

There’sevenarhymemydaddytaughtmewhenIwaslittle.”

“Whatisit?”

“Rightytighty,leftyloosey.”

“Wightytighty,weftywoosey.”

Ithadacertaincharmcomingfromher.

“That’sit.Turnrighttotighten,andlefttoloosen.”

“Okay.CanIdoitnow?”

“Sure.Doitastightasyoucan.”

Sheleanedforwardand,ohsocarefully,insertedtheheadofthescrewdriverinto

thescrew.Sheturnedthescrewdriver,stickinghertongueoutofthesideofhermouth.I
leanedaroundtoseeherface—sheworethemaskofcompleteconcentration.

Tongueout,eyesnarrowed,browsdrawntogether.

Itwasthemostadorablething.

“Dere,”shesaid,sittingback.“Ididit.”

“Amazingjob!”Isqueezedherlightly.“CanIpleasehavethescrewdrivertocheck

howtightitis?”

Shenoddedandhandeditovertome.

Ichecked.She’dbarelyturneditatall,butshewashavingfun,soitwaswhatit

was.Itightenedthescrewtherestofthewayandgrabbedthenextone.AtleastIwas
almostdone.

“Idoagain?”Ellieaskedhopefully.

“Sure.”

Sheworethesameexpressionassheturnedit.Thestickingouttonguewasmy

favoritepartofallofit.

“Ellie,you’requiet.Whatareyou—”Brantleystoppedinthedoorway,phonetohis

ear.“Oh.You’rehere.”

Ellieturnedtolookathim.“Ewifellasweep.KawisaidIcouldhelp.”

Helookedatmeforconfirmation.

Imotionedtothefactshewassittingonmylap.

Hislipstuggedup.“She’snotbotheringyou,isshe?”

“No,she’shelping.Look.She’sdoingthescrews.”Ipointedtowhereshewas

givingitagoodtryattighteningit.“It’salmostdone.She’senjoyingherself.”

“Okay.Ifyou’resure?”

“She’sfine.Ifshestopsbeinggood,I’llpickherupandhanddeliverhertoyouin

youroffice,okay?”

Helaughed,holdingupahand.“Okay,okay,fine.Ijustthought…Crap.Hello?”He

duckedaway.“Yes,I’mstillhere.”

Hisvoicetrailedoffashewentdownstairs.

Elliemadeaclickingnoisewithhertongue.“Daddysaidabadword.”

Ah.Crap.

“Hedid.NaughtyDaddy.CanItrythatscrewnow?”

Shenoddedandletmetightenit.Werepeatedthisoverandoveruntilallthescrews

wereinplaceandtight.SheevenheldthelidinplaceformewhileIattachedthehinges.

Whenitwasallsaidanddone,Elliegentlycloseddownthelidandwalkedaround

thebox.Then,shestoppedinfrontofit,andwithahuge,proudgrinonherface,shemet
myeyes.

“It’sperfeck,huh?”

“Itsureis,”Iagreed.“Youdidagreatjobhelpingme.Thankyou.”

Evenifithadtakenanextrahalfanhour.

Shebeamed.I’dneverseenhersodelightedaboutanythingbefore.“CanIhelpyou

tomorrow,too?”

“YoucanhelpmedoyourbookshelfwhenyougetbackfromSummer’s.Doesthat

soundgood?”

Shenodded.“I’mhungry.DoyoufinkDaddycookedmefoodyet?”

“Idon’tknow,butwecanfindout.”Iglancedatthetime.Itwasalmostsixp.m.No

wondershewashungry.

Ellierandownstairsandintothekitchen.Itookthetimetopackupmytoolsbefore

followingher,butIlefttheboxinherroom.

IwentdownandfoundEliawake,sittingonthesofa,andElliepoutinginfrontof

him.

Elilookedatme.“Daddy’sonthephone.Hekeepsshouting.”

IfrownedandwalkedtowardBrantley’soffice.Hesoundedsuperfrustrated,even

thoughhewasn’tshouting,buttherewassomethingaboutthe“damnintern”mentioneda
fewtimes.

Irejoinedthetwinsinthelivingroom.“Daddy’sworking,isn’the?”

Theybothnodded.

“Heprobablydoesn’tknowwhatthetimeis.”Ipaused.“Whydon’twegointhe

kitchenandIcangetyousomedinner?”

Morenodding.Theyranintothekitchen,andwhenIsteppedintotheroom,Eliwas

alreadytryingtogiveElliealeg-upontothecounter.

“Oookay!”Isaid,wavingmyhands.“Let’snotdothat.I’lllookinsteadofyoutwo

tryingtobreakabone.”

“Oh,”Elliesaidsadly.But,theybothmoved,climbingupontothetableviathe

chairsinstead.

Istaredatthem.

Eh.I’dwononebattle.Whystartanother?

Ileftthemthereandopenedthecupboard.IhadnoideawhatIwaslookingfor.

Pasta?Spaghetti?Whatdidyoufeedthetinyhumans?

Thesoulsoftheelderlyorsomething?

Myeyesfellontwocansoftomatosoup.

Ah-ha.

“Howabouttomatosoupandgrilledcheese?”Iasked.

“Yes!”theyshouted,clapping.

“Okay.”Good.Icoulddothat.“Sitonthechairs,grabajuice,andletmegetto

work.”

Miraculously,theydidastheyweretold.

Well.I’llbedamned.

ChapterTwenty-Five

“Again?”Iquestioned.

Theybothnodded.“Pwease?”

Thatsimultaneousspeakwasstartingtogetabitlessweird.Maybe.

“Onemoretime,thenyouhavetogotobed.”

Theybothlookedatmewithwideeyesandnoddedagain.

“Okay,fine.Youtwistedmyarm.”I’djustopenedthefrontcoverofthebookto

readitforathirdtimewhenBrantley’sshoutof“Shit!Eli?Ellie?”sounded.

“Inhere,”theychorused.

Ishuddered.

Maybeitwasn’tgettinglessweird.

Herushedintothefrontroom,stoppingdeadwhenhesawus.Hishairwasamess,

andhehadthelookofsomeonewhowasbothfrustratedandconfused.

“Hi,”Isaidbrightly.“Welcomeback.”

Heblinkedatme.“I’msoconfused.”Hescrubbedhishandthroughhishair.“I

don’tevenknowwhattimeitis.There’snowayI’vebeenonthephonethatlong.”

Thetwins,blessthem,noddedsagely.“Hours,Daddy,”Elisaiddramatically.

“Weomoststarved!”Ellieadded.

“Oh,stopit.No,youdidn’t.Wefoundfoodjustintime,didn’twe?”Isaidtothem.

“Idon’tknow,”Elicontinued.“Itwascwose.”

“Close!Close?Oh,yes.Lookatyou.You’reskinandbone.”Igentlyproddedhis

sideandhedissolvedintoafitofgiggles.

Brantleyblinkedatus.“Idon’tknowwhat’shappeninghere.”

Tobehonest,helookedexhausted.

“Well,”Isaid,closingthebookandputtingitonthecoffeetable.“MeandEllie

finallygotdonewiththecoffeetablearoundsix.Wecamedownandyouwereonthe
phone,soaftersomeattemptedCirqueDeSoleilmoves,werustledupthedelicacythatis
soupandgrilledcheese,dranksomemilkandfoundsomepajamas,andreadabouta
dinosaurwhopoopseverythingout.Twice.Wewereabouttoreaditathirdtimewhenyou
graceduswithyourpresence.”

“Wait.Whatisthetime?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“Jesus.”Herubbedhishandoverhisface.“I’msosorry.Ididn’tevenrealize.”

“It’sokay.We’reallgood,right?”Ilookedatbothtwins.“Wehadfun.”

Theybothnodded.“Bedtimenow?”Ellieasked.

“Yes.Forsure.Comeon.I’lltakeyouup.”Brantleyblewoutalongbreath.“Say

goodnighttoKali.”

“Goodnight,Kawi!”theysang,scramblingupoffthesofa.Then,theybothstopped,

turned,andjumpedonme.IshriekedasIcaughtthem,andtheybothplantedabigkisson
mycheeks.

“Fankyou,”Elisaid.

“Goodnight,”Ellieechoed.

Isqueezedthembothwithalaugh.“Night,guys.”

Theygrinnedandgotbackup,runningofftothestairsagain.Brantleystaredatme

foramomentandheldupafinger.

“Willyouwaitformetocomebackbeforeyouleave?”heaskedtentatively.

“Sure.”Ismiled.

Helookedasthoughhewantedtosaysomethingelse,butchangedhismind.He

followedafterthetwins,andIlookedattheirpilesofdirtyclothesonthefloor.

Brantleylookedshattered,asifhecouldfallasleepstandingup.

Igotupandgrabbedthem,thenranthemthroughthebacktotheutilityareajustoff

thekitchen.Iputtheminthedirtylaundry,thenreturnedtothefrontroomandpickedup
thedinosaurswhohadbeenattendingBarbie’sweddingtoBatman.

Then,withmyhandaroundthetailofaT-rex,Ifroze.

Istareddownatthetoyinmyhand.

WhohadIbecome?

Notlongago,theideaofchildrenterrifiedme.Theyweretiny,loudhellionswho

shoutedandscreamed.Theyweregrossanddirtyandmessy.

Now,hereIwas.I’dtakenoverseamlessly,feedingthemandgettingthemreadyfor

bed,andnow,Iwaspickinguptoys.Puttingtheirdirtyclothinginthelaundrybasket.

Thescariestpart?

Itfeltcompletelynatural.

Sure,thetwinshadbeenscarilywell-behaved,butthatwasn’tthepoint.

Apartofme…ApartofmefeltlikeIbelongedhere.

ItookadeepbreathanddroppedMr.T-rexintothetoybox.Heroaredashecollided

withadumptruck,butImuffledthatbyslappingthelidontopofthebox.

Mymouthwasdry.WhenhadIchangedfromakid-hatertoplaying…well,playing

mom?Whenhadithappened?Wasthereapoint,orhadsomethingchanged?

WasitacceptanceoffeelingsforBrantley?

Wasithisacknowledgmentoffeelingsforme?

OrhadIjustfallensoirrevocablyinlovewithtwo,three-feet-tallpre-schoolers?

Withtinyhandsandsassygrinsanddimpledcheeks?

Imean,Ihadn’teventhoughttwiceaboutgettingthemreadyforbedtonight.I’d

justdoneit,likeIknewwhatIwasdoing,whenIdidn’t.Notatall.Ididn’tknowwhere
theirpajamaswere.Ididn’tknowwheretoputthatstupidpoopingdinosaurbookaway.

Ididn’tknowanything.

ExceptforthefactIwasscrewed.Stuckbetweenarockandahardplace.Between

breakingheartsandhealingthem.

Maybeevenbreakingmyown.

Shit.

Iranmyfingersthroughmyhair.Thebandfromthismorning’sbraidwasaround

mywrist,andIpulledmyhairintoarough,loosetwistontopofmyhead.

Ineededadrink.MymouthwassodryIdoubtedIcouldspeak.

Iwalkedintothekitchenandgotsomewaterfromthefridge.Idrankanddrank,

stupidlyhopingitwouldcalmtherapidbeatsofmyheart.

Kids.

Iwasinlovewithtwokidswhohadstolenmyheart.

Andtheirdadwasdoingthesamething.

Andnow,afterthisevening,myquestionwasn’t“couldIdoit?”

Itwas,“AmIgoodenoughforthisfamily?”

Ididn’twanttoaskit.Ididn’twanttoknowtheanswer.

“Kal—oh,thereyouare.”

Iturnedatthesoundofhisvoice.

Regretsettledoverhisexpression,andhewipedhishandoverhisjaw.“I’mso

fuckingsorry,Kali.Whatwasmeanttobeasimplephonecallturnedintoanintern
fuckingupthreeaccounts,andmehavingtocalleverymanandhismothertogetitsorted
outagain.”

“It’sfine,”Isaid.AndImeantit.“Theyweren’taproblematall.Theywereperfect

forme.”

“That’snotthepoint.I’vealreadyaskedsomuchofyou—Jesus,Ididn’tevenknow

thetime.Ithoughtit’dbeenhalfanhour,notovertwo.”Heleanedagainstthecounterand
rubbedhisface.Hewasfrustratedwithhimself,anditwasplaintoseehewastryingto
keepittogether.

NothingIsaidtohimrightnowwouldchangethat.

So,Iactedinstead.

Iputthebottleonthetableandwalkedtohim.Hestillhadhisfaceburiedinhis

hands,soIgentlyreachedup,claspedhiswrists,andpulledhishandsaway.

Guiltyeyesfoundmine.

Ileanedinandkissedhim.

Agentletouch,meanttodonothingmorethantakesomeofthefrustrationaway

fromhim.

Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist,pullingmeintohim,andsoftlykissedme

back.Ididn’tknowifIwasdoingtherightthing,especiallyafterourconversationearlier,
butitwasallIwantedtodo.

IwantedhimtoknowthatIdidn’tcare.

ThatIwasn’tangryorannoyed.ThatIdidn’tblamehim,becauseshithappened.

“Pointtaken,”hemutteredwhenIpulledbackslightly.Hedidn’treleaseme,

though.“Weretheyreallygood?”

Inodded.“IcamedownandEliwaswatchingTV.Apartfromhimtryingtogive

Elliealeg-upintothecupboardandthemwatchingmecookwhilesittingonthetable…”

“Allinall,itwasasuccess.”

“Nobodygothurt,soyes.”

Hehalf-smiled,anditactuallyreachedhiseyes.“Youknow,it’sfunny.For

someonewhoadmitsshedoesn’twantkids,you’reamazingwiththem.”

Ilookedintohiseyes.“Yourkidsmakeiteasytobe.”

“Clearly,you’reforgettingthattimewhenyoubathedthem.”

“No.Ijustlearnedthelessonnottobaththem.”

Helaughed,andIcouldseethetensionleavehisbody.“Luckyyou.IwishIhad

thatoption.”

Igrinned.“Youneedtohavesomethingtoeat.”

“Areyoubossingmearoundnow?”

Nodding,Iflattenedmyhandsagainsthischest.“Yes.Youneedtoeatsomething.”

“Can’tIjusthaveyouinstead?”Heslidhishandsdowntocupmyass.

“Foodandsleepwouldbemoresensible,”Istarted,mybreathhitching.

“I’msensibleallday.Youmakemewanttobestupid.”

“Areyoutryingtosaythatbeingwithmeisstupid?”

Brantleypaused.“See,IfeellikenomatterwhatIsayherewillbewrong.Thisisa

trap,isn’tit?”

Iraisedmyeyebrows.“Idon’tknow.Doyouthinkit’satrap?”

“That’sdefinitelyatrap.”

Ididmybestnottolaugh,butI’dneverhadapokerface,sothatattemptlastedall

offivesecondsbeforeitcollapsedandIburstoutlaughing.

“Iknewit,”hemuttered.“I’mnothungry.”

“Lies.Youhavetobehungry.”

Heshookhishead.Then,withstrengththatshouldn’thavesurprisedme,hegripped

mywaistandpushedmebacktowardthetable.

“Whatareyoudoing?”

“Ssssh,”hewhispered,pushingmeuntilmybuttbumpedtheedge.Hepickedme

up,sittingmeontheedge,andsteppedbetweenmylegs.“Shutupandletmekissyou.”

“Ican’t.”

“Whynot?”

“IthinkIjustsquashedabitofgrilledcheesewithmyhand.”

Hepulledbackslightly.“That’saturn-onifeverIheardone.”

“Squishedgrilledcheese,”Isaid,pickingupmyhandandconfirmingmythoughts.

“Helpinglibidoseverywhere.”

Heremovedtheoffending,half-eatensandwich,anddidaquicksweepofthetable

tomakesurenothingelsewouldgetinthewayofwhatwasclearlyabouttobecomea
make-outsession.

Iwasokaywiththis.Especiallywhenhegotaclothwetandwipedoffmyhand.

“There.Now,willyoushutupandletmekissyou?”

“Areyougoingtodoitanyway?”

“Yes.AndIhavehalfamindtoendwithgivingyouanorgasmbecauseyoudeserve

it.”

Ieyedhim.“We’llsee.”

Hegrinned,thenswooped.Lipsonmine,hotashell,andalltooaddictive.His

handsmassagedupmylegs,overmyhips.Heflattenedoneonthetableandpressedthe
otheragainstmybacktostopmefallingbackward.

Histongueflickedagainstmylips.

Ibithislowerone.

Hechuckled,makingmegrin.Hishandcreptupmyback,andourbodieswere

pressedclosetogetherwhenhekissedmeagain.Histonguebattledmine,andIfeltthis
kissallover.Mynippleshardenedandmyclitached,andIknewwithoutadoubtthatI
neededhiminsidemeagaintonight.

Ineededmore.

IneededtomakesurethewayIfeltwasright—thatIhadn’tbeencloudedbysex.

Notthathavingmoresexwasthebestideatofixit,butstill.

Then,Ifrozeataknock.

Westoppedkissing,andatthesametime,turnedourheadssowewerefacingthe

doorway.

There,wefoundtwopairsofeyes,fixedfirmlyonus.

AndIhadneverseensuchalookofdisgustontinypeopleinallmylife.

“Ew,”Elimoaned.“That’syucky.”

Brantleyreleasedmeandclearedhisthroat.“Whyareyououtofbed?”

“There’saspiderinmywoom,”Ellieannounced.

“Andafwyinmine,”Elisaid.“Canweswapthebugs?”

“No.Wecannotswapthebugs.”

“CanIsweepinEwwie’swoom,then?”

“Sure,butIbetElliewantsthespidergone.”

Sheshookherheademphatically.“No.He’scalledBob.”

AspidernamedBob.

Howoriginal.

“Right,”Brantleysaidslowly.“Eli,grabyourstuffandgetintheoppositeendof

herbed,okay?Feettofeetlikeyouusedtodo.”

Henodded,andtheybothranbackupthestairslikeaherdofbabyelephants.

Brantleytookadeepbreathandlookedatme.“It’sliketheydon’twantmetoget

laid.”

Ilaughedandjumpedoffthetable.“Sodramatic.Youjustwentintooearly.Rookie

mistake.Andnowyouhavetoanswerallthekissingquestions.”

Hegroaned.“ThegoodnewsisthatIfinallyhavemybedroomtomyself.”

Helookedatmepointedly.

“Ohgod,no.That’sabadideaandyouknowit!”

“Stay.”Hepulledmeintohim.“Please.Staywithmetonight.”

Iwavered.Ononehand,itwasaterribleidea.Ontheotherhand…

“Kali,please,”hesaidinalow,huskyvoice,slidinghishandsdownmyback.

“Fine,”Iwhispered.“Butyou’recookingmebreakfast.”

Hekissedme,smiling.“Done.”

***

Wakinguptothefeelingofahard,hotbodybehindmineandaheavyarmovermy

waistwasanewone.It’dbeentwoorthreeyearssinceI’dbeeninarelationshipandspent
thenightwithanyone.

Iwasn’tsurewhatthiswaswithBrantley,butasIslowlyopenedmyeyesand

wriggled,Ilikedit.

“Stopwriggling,”hemurmured,slippinghisarmbeneaththecoversandhookingit

aroundmywaist.Hepulledmerightbackintohim,tuckingmybuttagainsthisgroinand
tanglingourlegs.

“Iwannaseewhattimeitis,”Iwhispered,leaningoverandblindlypattingmyhand

aroundthenightstandformyphone.Myfingersconnectedwithit.Ialmostknockeditoff,
butsomehowmanagedtosaveitbeforeitfellontothefloor.

Ihitthepowerbuttononthesideandwincedasthebrightnessblindedme.Quickly

unlockingitandchangingit,Iwasabletocheckthetime.

Six-thirty.

“Aw,shit,”Isaid.

“What?”

“Ihavetwelvemissedcallsfrommymom.”Idroppedmyheadbackdownontothe

pillow.“Andatextmessagedemandingtoknowwhymycarwasstillparkedoutside
yoursatelevenlastnight.”

Brantleyburiedhisfaceinthepillowandlaughed.

“Don’tlaugh.She’sinsistingonbreakfast.Sincethissleepoverwasyouridea,why

don’tyoucomeandexplainittoher?”

Heproppedhisheadup,hiselbowdiggingintothepillow,andlookeddownatme.

“WhatexactlyamIsupposedtosaytoher?“Sorry,Mrs.Hancock.Ikeptyourdaughterat
myhouseallnightsoIcouldfuckhersenseless?””

Ifrowned.“Alittlelessgraphicmightbethewaytogo.”

“Justbehonestandtellheryouspentthenight.Who’sshegonnatell?”

Hehadapoint.Whilemymomwasatthecenterofeverygossipcircleintown,she

onlyeverreceivedgossipaboutme.Shenevergaveitout.

“Mmph,”Ihmped.“Ineedtospeaktoheranyway.Mayaswellkilltwobirdswith

onestone.”

Henodded.“Now,putdownyourphoneandcomebacktosleepforanhour.”

“Hangon.”IquicklyrepliedtoMom’stextconfirmingI’dbehomeateightfor

breakfastandthenputmyphonedown.

“Thankyou,”hesaidwhenIsettledbackunderthecovers.

“You’regrumpyinthemorning.”

“Youwokemeup.Ihadaplantowakeupbeforeyouandseduceyou,butnowI’m

awakewithanuncomfortableerection.”

Ishiftedandrolledovertofacehim.“That’snotmyfault.”

“Yourbareasshasbeenagainstitallnight.It’sonehundredpercentyourfault.”

“You’retheonewhomademespendthenight.”

“Ididn’tmakeyoudoanything.”

“True,butyougavemeaverycompellingargument.”

Hehookedonearmundermyneckandhuggedmeintohim.“Mhmm.It’seight

incheslongandlikesyouverymuch.”

“Ican’tsaythefeelingisn’tmutual.”

Hechuckledandsqueezedme.“Stopit,orImightstarttothinkyoudon’twantto

gobacktosleep.”

Ileanedupandblinked.“MaybeIdon’t.”

“Mm?”

“What’sthepointofgoingbacktosleepforanhour?”

“You’reright.”Heeffortlesslyflippedmeontomybackandpositionedhimself

betweenmylegs.“Icanmakeyoucomeatleastthreetimesinthathour.”

“Ambitious,”Isaid,runningmyhandsupanddownhisarms.“Youthink?”

“Iknow.”Hedroppeddownandkissedme.Hiscockbrushedagainstmyclit,andI

wrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck,givinghimthechancetodeepenthekiss.

Hedid.

Desirebuiltaswekissed.We’dbothonlyhadafewhourssleep,sotherewasno

reasonformetobesoawake,muchlessthis…needy.

AllIknewwasthatIstillwantedmoreofBrantley.

Stillbothnakedfromthenightbefore,hemadeeasyworkofturningmeon,

travelingdownmybodyinasuccessionoftouchesandkisses,frommynecktomy
nipplesanddownmystomach.Hesliddownthebed,takingthecoverswithhim,and
partedmylegswithagentlegrip.

Heglancedupatmesecondsbeforeheflickedhistongueovermyclit.

Myhipstwitched.Itwascrazy,howsuchagentletouchcouldevokesucha

reaction.

Ithrewmyarmovermyeyesasheexploredmewithhistongue.Hewasamasterat

it—thewayhetookhistimeyetbroughtmeclosetothebrinksoquicklywasamiracle.
Hedangledpleasureinfrontofmeonlytotakeitawayagain,andIbothlovedandhated
that.

Because,whenIfinallycame,itwasthebestfuckingorgasm.Andheknewit,

becauseheslidbackupmybodywithasmugsmile.

Iblushedasoureyesmet.

“One,”hemurmured,holdingmygazebeforegoingbackdown.

Igaspedwhenheclosedhismoutharoundmyclitandsucked,flexinghistongue

againstit.Itwassotender,andIgrippedthesheetsasheatwashedthroughmeonceagain.

JesusChrist—he’dbeendowntheretensecondsandalready,Iwasontheedge.

Asecondoneslammedintome.He’dbarelydoneanything,andIwasbitingmylip

tokeepfrommoaningtooloudly.HekepthistonguethereuntilIstilled,whenheonce
againleanedoverme,thistime,withhiscockalreadypositionedatmypussy.

Heslidineasily,whispering,“Two.”

Notetoself:hetookachallengeseriously.

Long,slowthrustsintomecoveredbothourbodiesinathinsheenofsweat.

Thistimewasdifferent.

Notlikethefirsttimeagainstthewall—andnotlikelastnight,whereit’dbehard

andfueledbypurelust.Thistimewasgentle,almostsweet,andalthoughapartofme
wanteditquickerandharder,Iknewitwasn’tright.

Iknewthiswas.

Thisslow,easysexwasn’tarawfuck.Itwasrawemotion,andIfeltitintheway

thathekissedmeashemoved.Inthewayhisfingertipsmovedacrossmyskinalmost
reverently.

InthewaymyheartskippedabeatwhenoureyesmetandIgasped.

Inhiseyes,Isawsomething.

Itwasamereflash,ashadowpassingoverhisgaze,butbeforeIcouldgraspholdof

it,hekissedmeagain.Deeper,andhefuckedmealittleharder,too.Notmuchharder,but
enoughthatwitharaiseofmylegs,buryinghimselffurtherinsidemewitheachthrust.

Andprettysoon…

Iforgotallaboutit.

***

“Shit,”wasallIcouldsayasIpulledupinmydriveway.

Iwasanhourlate,andmymom’scarwassittingthere.Mycurtaintwitchedinthe

frontroom,soshe’dobviouslybroughthersparekeyandletherselfin.

Iwasreallyhopingtohavebeenabletogetinandshowerandnothavethis

conversationwhilewearingBrantley’st-shirt.

Damnit.

That’swhathappenswhenIhavethegreatideatohavesexandfallasleepright

after.

Ofallthetimesthetwinscouldinterruptus,wakingusupwouldhavebeenagreat

one.

Wewon’tevendiscussthefactIranoutwhileBrantleywasstrugglingtoexplainin

kid-speakwhyIwasinhisbedthismorning.

Ononehand,Iwantedtothankmymom.Ontheother…No.Notatall.

Igotoutofmytruckandwalkedtowardthefrontdoor.Hell,Iwastwenty-six,andI

feltlikeIwasabouttogetaninterrogationaboutwhereI’dbeenallnight.LikeIwas
eighteenandpastcurfeworsomething.

Iactuallyfeltalittleshame.

Deargod.

Ishutthedoorbehindme.Momwassittingonmysofa,legscrossed,andherhands

restingonherknee.

“Well,goodmorning,”shesaidwithoutturningaround.

WhichwaswhenIlookedinthemirrorandmadeeyecontact.

“I’mjustgoingto—”Ipointedtowardthestairs.“Yeah.”

“Kali!Getbackhere!”

Itookthestairstwoatatimeandslammedmyselfintothebathroombeforeshe

couldfollowme.Luckilyforme,thereweretwotowelsontherail.

Itookmytimeshoweringandcleaningup.BythetimeIfinallysteppedoutfrom

underthewater,IwassureI’dneverbeensocleaninmylife.Icouldpracticallyhear
myselfsqueakingwithcleanlinessasImadethedashintomyroomtogetdressed.

I’djustpickedupmyblowdryerwhensheknockedatmydoor.“Kali.Areyou

dressed?”

Istartedthehairdryer.

Itdidn’tdeterher.Clearly,she’dhadenoughofmyshit,andshewascomingin

whetherIwasdressedornot.

WhichwaswhyI’dhadalockonmydoorasateenager.I’dneverimagined

needingoneinmyownhome,though.

“Goodmorning,”Isaidbrightly.“Sorry,Iwaslate.Isleptin.”

Shetookthehairdryeroutofmyhands,turneditoff,andputitontopofmy

dresser.“Andjustwhywereyousleepingin,younglady?Andwhereexactlywasthat?”

Iwantedtotellherthereweresomethingsparentsdidn’tneedtoknowabouttheir

kids,butinsteadImumbledsomethingincoherentandtookastepback.

Shepointedtomybedinawordlessorder.

Isatdown.Likeadisgracedtoddler.

“ExplaintomewhyyourcarwasparkedatBrantleyCooper’shouseatelevenp.m.

lastnightandwasapparentlystilltherethismorning.Andwhyyoucameinwearing
somethingthatlookedsuspiciouslylikeamen’st-shirt.”

Ipaused.“Doyou,er…Doyoureallywantmetogointoit?”

Shewavedherhandsandsatnexttome.“Well,Iguessyoubrokethe‘nocavorting

withclients’rule.”

See?Thatwasarealline,nomatterhowmuchhelaughedatme.

“Coupletimes,”Ianswered.“Oops?”

Momlaughed.“Iknewexactlywhatyouweredoingthere.Sodidyourfather.”

“Oops.”Thattime,Imeantit.

“Oh,itwasobvious.EverytimeImentionedhimyougotalldreamy-eyed.Likethat

timeyouwereconvincedyouweregoingtomarryJustinTimberlakewhenItookyouto
seehiminconcert.”

“Thatmightstillhappen.”

Sherolledhereyes.“Talktome,honey.Icanseeyouhavesomethingonyour

mind.”

“Canwegetcoffeefirst?”

“Sure.I’llmakeussome.Comedownwithme.”

Isnaggedahairtiefromthepotonmydresser,alongwithmybrush,andfollowed

herdown.Itookaseatatthekitchentableanddidmyhairwhileshemadecoffee.

Afewminuteslater,shesettwomugsonthetableandsatdown.Shedidn’tsaya

wordasItoyedwithmybraid.Shesimplysat,drankhercoffee,andwaited.

“Iknowwealreadyhadthischat.Kinda,”Istarted.“But,howdidyouknow?That

youcouldtakeonsomeoneelse’schild?”

Sheraisedhereyebrows.Thesurpriseregisteredonherfaceforasecondbeforeshe

realizedandsmoothedoutherfeatures.“Ijustknew.Ididn’twakeuponemorningwith
anepiphanythatIwasMotherTeresaorsomething.”

“Damn.Ithinkthatwouldhavebeeneasier.”

Shenoddedonce.“Verymuchso.Thisquestiontellsmethatthewayyoufeelabout

acertainfamilyhaschangedanawfullot.”

Isippedmycoffeebeforesettingitdownandwrappingmyhandsaroundthemug.I

wasn’tcold,butgoosebumpsprickledovermyskin.“Idon’tknowhowithappened,”I
admitted.Iexplainedtoherwhathadhappenedlastnight,andhoweasilyI’dsettledintoa
rolethatlookedafterthembothwithoutblinking.

“Youlovethem.Thetwins.”Itwasastatement.

Inodded,lookingintomymug.“They’reeasytolove.Hardwork,buteasytolove.

But,whendoesthatstopbecominganovelty?IdiditbecauseIcould.NotbecauseIhad

to.”

“Idisagree,”shesaidsoftly.“YouknewBrantleywasworking.Youknewitwas

obviouslysomethingimportant—somethingthatcouldn’tbeinterrupted.Someonehadto
lookafterthetwins,andyoudidit.”

“But,theresponsibility.Whenitbecomesaresponsibilityandnotjustaone-time

thing,thenwhat?”

Momstudiedmeforamoment.“You’reafraid.”

“I’mnot…afraid,”Isaiduncertainly.“I’m…Idon’tknow.Thiswasn’tmyplan.I

didn’twantkids.Ididn’twanttowalkintothathouseandfallinlovewitheveryoneinit.”
Iburiedmyfaceinmyhands,takingadeepbreath.

There.

I’dsaidit.

Jumpedoverthecliff.

Momgavemeamomentbeforeshegentlyreachedoverandpulledmyhandsfrom

myface.Shelaymyhandsonthetableandsqueezedmyfingers,thensaidinalow,quiet
voice,“Youdon’tgettoplanwhoyoufallinlovewith.I’msorry,honey,butyoudon’t.
Youdon’tgettoplanwho,how,orwhenithappens.Youjusthavetogowithitwhenit
does.Ifyougottoplanit,Ineverwouldhavefalleninlovewithyourfather.”

“Youwouldn’t?”Isaidsoftly.

“Nope.I’djustgotdivorced.Itwasmyfault.Iwastheonewhocouldn’thavekids.

Myex-husbandcouldn’tdealwithit.Andletmetellyou,honey,Iwasfurious.”She
squeezedmyhandsagainasiftomakemeunderstand.“Ididn’twanttobearoundkids.I
especiallydidn’twanttobeastep-parent.IfIcouldn’thavemyownchildren,Ididn’t
wantanyoneelse’s,either.”

“Ineverknewyoufeltlikethat.”

“Iwasgrieving.Unlikeyou,afamilyisallI’deverwanted.Ihadthechoicetaken

awayfromme.UntilImetyourfather.”

“Howdidyougofromthat?Tobeingsoangrytobeingwhoyouarerightnow?”

“Ifellinlovewithyourdad,”sheadmitted.“Itsoundsfickle,butthat’sallittook.It

wasn’tlikeyouwereasecret—Iknewhehadyou,andalthoughIwasn’tinterestedat
first,thewayIfeltabouthimoutweighedallmyangereventually.We’ddatedformonths
beforeheintroducedus,doyouremember?”

Inodded.“Iwaspissedbecausehewouldn’ttellmeanythingaboutyou.”

“Andyoumadeitknown.”Momlaughed.“Untilthatpoint,Iwasstillindenial

abouthavingkids.Iwasstillangry.Then,Iwalkedintoyourhouse,andyoulookedup
fromyourhomework,staredatme,thentoyourdad,andsaid,“I’mbusy.I’veaskedfor
weeks,so,nowyouhavetowaitforme.””

Ibittheinsideofmycheek,smiling.

Iwaskindofanassholeteen.

“Ifellinlovewithyouthereandthen.”Shelaughedagain.“And,Kali?ThedayI

fellinlovewithyouwasthedayIacceptedIcouldn’thavechildren.Therewasnoneed
to,becausetherewasachildouttherewhoalreadyneededme,andthatchildwasyou.”

Thesmiledroppedfrommyface.

“And,ifI’dhadmyownchildren,Ineverwouldhavegottenthegreatestdaughter

ever:you.”

Alumpformedinmythroat.“Weren’tyouscared?Abouthowyourlifewould

change?”

“Ithoughtyouweren’tafraid.”Herlipstwitched.

“Hypothetically,”Isaid.

“Hypothetically,Iwasterrified.NotonlywasIenteringintoarelationship,Iwas

enteringintoarelationshipwithamanwhohadateenagegirl.Jeez.”Shewinked.“Iwas
afraidyouwouldn’tacceptme.That…Idon’tknow.Iwouldn’tbeabletobethekindof
personyouneededinyourlife.Ididn’tknowanythingaboutyouexceptwhatyourdad
hadtoldme.IttookalongtimebeforeIunderstoodwhatyouneededmetobetoyou.”

Ipulledmyhandsfromhersandtookadeepbreath.“Whatif…WhatifI’mnot

goodenoughforthem,Mom?WhatifIfuckupbecauseI’mnotthepersontheyneedme
tobe?”

“Goodenough?Whatisgoodenough?Howdoyoumeasurehowworthyyouareto

someoneelse?”Sheraisedaneyebrow.“DoyouknowhowmanytimesyourfatherandI
feltlikewefailedyou,yetyouturnedaroundandmadeitclearwehadn’t?That’spartof
beingaparent.Therewillalwaysbetimesyoufeellikeyou’renotgoodenough,butas
longasyougiveityoureverything,thenyoucan’teverbeanybetterthanthat.”

“It’sjustso…different.They’retiny.TheyneedsomuchmorethanIdidwhenwe

met.”

“Itsoundstomelikeyou’retalkingthroughyourexcuses.”

Itookadeepbreathandletitoutonashudder.“MaybeIam.MaybeIneedtotalk

myselfintoit.Idon’tknow.Ijust…you’reright.I’mterrified,Mom.Ofsomanythings.”

Shestaredatme,hereyespiercingintome,seeingrightthroughme.“You’re

terrifiedofnevermeasuringuptotheirmominhiseyes,aren’tyou?”

Dingdingding,wehaveawinner.

Inodded.“Helovedher,youknow?Reallylovedher.Howdoyoucopewiththat?

Knowingthattheylostsomeonetheylovedenoughtohaveachildwith?”

Shefoldedherhandsontopofeachotherandlookedmedeadintheeye.“Icope

knowingthatevenafterthat,eventhoughheseeshereverysingletimehelooksatyou,he
trustedmeenoughtoopenhishearttome.Yourdadstilllovesyourmom,Kali.
Understandthat.He’lleverstoplovingher,andthat’sokaywithme.It’sadifferentkind
oflove.”Shepaused.“Andthepartyou’reforgettingisthatbothofyouarestillyoung

ChapterTwenty-Six

Twodayslater,Dadhadinstalledthekids’beds,andtheirroomsweredone.

Ididn’tknowhowIfeltaboutit.

Ononehand,itwasamazingtoseetheroomscompleted.Allthatneededtobe

donewasbedding,curtains,andunpacking.Asfarasmyworkwasconcerned,though,I
wasdone.

Ontheotherand,therewasnothingleftformetodobutstareatthecompleted

roomswithmyheartinmythroat.

WouldIeverseethesebedroomsagain?

Ihadachoicetomake,andoneIknewIhadtomakesoon.Mymomhadbeen

right.Thiswasn’tanormalrelationship—thereweretwo,littleheartsonthelinehereas
well,andaslongasIkeptmyselfinastateofindecision,Iwasbeingselfish.

DidItaketherisk,ordidItaketheeasyoptionandwalkaway?

IfItooktherisk,everythingwouldchange.And,intheweirdestkindofway,Iwas

readyforit.Thethoughtofnotbeingaroundthetwinsandlaughingatthem…Well,that
sucked.

ThethoughtofnotbeingaroundBrantley?

Ididn’twanttothinkaboutthat.

IleanedagainstthewindowsillinEllie’sroom.I’djustmadethechoice,hadn’tI?

Walkingawaywasn’ttheeasyoptionatall.IfIdid,I’dleaveapieceofmyhearthere.

I’dleaveapieceinthepaintonthewallsandthenailsinthefloor.Inthedrawersin

thedresserandtheshelvesthatheldtheirpiggybanks.

Istaredaroundtheroom.Aboxsatattheendofherbed,andafrilly,tulleskirt

pokedoutofthetop.WhileBrantleyhadgottenmostofdownstairsunpacked—finally—
thekids’bedroomshad,understandably,beenleftbehind.

PinkhangershungfromtherailDadhadbuiltintothebed.Itwastheentirewidth

ofthebed,andslowly,Icrawledunderthemid-sleeperbedanddraggedtheboxwithme.

Onebyone,Ipulledouteachcostumeandhungitup.Cinderella.Belle.Tinkerbell.

Moana.Everycostumeyoucouldimagineafour-year-oldhaving,shehadit.

Ipaused,fingeringthesatin-tulleskirtofRapunzel’scostume.Dadhadlistenedto

me—he’dputhooksonthebedunderEli’s.

Forhissuperherocostumes.

IlinedEllie’sdressupshoesontheshelfbeneaththerackandusedasmalltubto

puttiarasandglovesin.Leavingtheboxinthemiddleoftheroom,IdartedintoEli’s.
Therewereboxesinthecornerofhis,anddamnit.

Excited,IrifledthrougheachoneuntilIfoundhisspecialbrandofdress-up.

Capes.

So.Many.Capes.

AgleefulsmilespreadovermyfaceasIpulledaBatmanoneout.Twocapeshung

fromeachhook,andIgrabbedasmalltubtoputhismasksin.Therewereacouplehats
thatsatcarefullyinthere,too.

Islidoutfromunderthebed,pressingmyhandsagainstmystomach.

Myheartskipped.

Seeinghiscapeshangingup.KnowingEllie’sdresseswereintheotherroom.Shoes

andmasksandglovesandtiaras.

Imaginingthesmilesontheirfaceswhentheysawit.

Ibitmylip.

Hard.

Something—somethinginsidemeflaredtolife,andtheseincompleteroomsweren’t

enough.Theseroomsneededcurtainsandbeddingandrugs.

Brantleywasatwork.

Thetwinswereatdaycare.

Ishouldhavebeenathome.

Instead…

Instead,Itoreopenboxes.Irifledthroughtheclosetinthehall.Ilaidrugsandhung

curtains.Ipluggedinlampsandfittedlampshades.Ibendedthelegsofactionfiguresuntil
theyweresitting,andItapedaposterofprincessestoawall.

Ifittedsheets.Ishookoutpillowcases.Iturnedbeddinginsideoutbeforegivingthe

quiltsadamngoodshake.Ibuttonedthesheetsandlaidoutsofttoys.Wriggledrugsand
setthemintheperfectplace.

Linedbooksonshelves.

StackedDVDsnexttoTVs.

Slicedthetapeonemptyboxesandflattenedthem.

Removedthemfromthespotsthey’doccupiedfortoolong.

Moreimportantly,Iinjectedalittlepieceofmyloveforeachofthosekidsintotheir

rooms.

Ihuggedemptyboxestomychestand,standinginthehallway,Ilookedintoboth

rooms.

Perfection.

Nothingmore,nothingless.

Justperfection.

***

Istackedthelastofthecardboardnexttothetrashcaninthefrontyardandheaded

backinside.Theclocksaidtheywerearrivinganytimenow,soIshutthedoorandtookup
myperchonthefifthstep.

Theywouldn’tseemewhentheycamein,butI’dbeabletoexecutethefinalstage

ofmymasterplan.

Well,thenext-to-final.

ThefinalwastheadmissiontoBrantleythatIwasinlovewithhischildren.Inlove

withhim.Inlovewiththe*mall.

AndIwas.

NevermindKeepingUpWithTheKardashians.

IwasinlovewiththechaosoftheCoopers.

Hammered.

Nailed.

Screwed.

Drilled.

I’ddoneallthosethingssinceI’dwalkedthroughthatfrontdoor,butnone

comparedtothethingsthisfamilyhaddonetomesincethatday.

Brantleyhadallbutfuckedmeintolovinghim,andhiskidshaddonethesame

thingsoeffortlessly,albeititinsomanydifferentways.

Acarrumbledintothedriveway.

IcoveredmysmilewithmyhandasthesoundsofBrantleygettingthekidsoutthe

carcreepedthroughthedoor.

I’dparkedmytruckablockawayacouplehoursago,andinsteadofwearingwhatI

normallydid,ablue,floraldresshuggedmybodyuntilitflaredatmyhips,anditdidthat
rightnow.SpreadoverthestairIsatonasmyheartbeattenmillionmilesanhour.

IwantedtoseetheirfacesasIsawtheirbedrooms.

IwantedtoseeBrantley’sfaceashesawtheirrooms.

Thedooropened,andItuckedintomyself.

“Ihungry,”Elliesaid.

“Cake?”Eliaskedhopefully.

“Sure.”Thedoorshut,butitdidn’tmeasureuptothetoneofBrantley’svoice.He

wasdowncast,almostsad…

Istoodup,bitingmylip.“Hi,”Isaid.

Thetwinsgrinned.

Brantleystilled.

“Ihaveasurpriseforyou,”Isaidsoftly.“Youwannasee?”

Theynoddedtheirheads.

“Okay,comeupstairsandcoveryoureyes.”

Oncue,theybothfollowedmeupandcoveredtheireyeswiththeirhandswhen

theygottothetop.

“Youready?”Iasked.

Theynodded.

“One…”IpushedopenEllie’sdoor.“Two…”DidthesametoEli’s.“Three!Open

youreyes!”

Theyboththrewtheirhandsofftheireyeswithaflourish.Giventhattheywere

staringintoeachother’srooms,theydidn’tmoveamuscleuntilInudgedthemintheright
direction.

Then,Eligasped,andElliescreamed.

Brantleyshotupthestairslikeabullet.“Whatis…”Hisfeettoucheddownjust

inchesbehindme,andhestopped.Imovedbackagainstthewall.Thekidswerealreadyin
theirrooms.Theywaitedfornothingastheytorethroughtoyboxesandscrambledunder
theirbeds.

Adeepbreathfilledmylungs,andIwrappedmyarmsaroundmywaist.

“Whatdidyou…”hebreathed,lookingfirstinEli’sroom,thenintoEllie’s.“Kali.

Whatdidyoudo?”

“Madetheirbeds,hungtheircurtains…”ItrailedoffwhenEliemergedfromunder

hisbedwearingayellowmaskandalime-greencape.“Hunguptheircostumes.”

Rightoncue,Ellieappeared,dressedasCinderella.

Elipointedather.“Youdamselindistwess!Iwescueyou!”

Shefrowned,lookinghimupanddown.“No.Iwescueyou!”

Hepaused.“Okay,”hesaid,scamperingintohisroomandclimbingupontohisnew

bed.“Help!Help!”

Brantleyrubbedhishandacrosshisforehead.“Idon’tknowwhattosaytoyou.”

“Letmemakeyouacoffeeisagoodstart,”Iadmitted.“I’vebeenhereallday.”

Heeyedmeforamoment,lipstwitching,beforehemovedtogodownthestairs.

Webothhoveredforasecondtocheckonthetwins,butseeingthemreenactingsome
greatrescuefromthemightytopofBedMountainobviouslyreassuredusboth,because

secondslatermyfeettouchedthefloorandwewereinthekitchentogether.

Awkwardnesstingedtheair.

Ileanedagainstthetableandtookadeepbreath.Iwasexhausted.Nobodyhad

botheredtotellmehowexhaustingitwastohangcurtainsandmakebeds.

No—nobodyhadtoldmehowexhaustingthelittlethingswere.

“Didanyoneevertellyou,”Istarted,“Thatfindingtapeinyourhouseis

impossible?”

Spoonfullofsugarinhand,Brantleypaused.“Everyonewhoeverneededtapein

myhouse.”

“Okay,so,forfuturereference,it’sonareddispenseronyourdesk.”

“Fornow.Ellielikestohangherdrawingsonherwalls.”

“Elliecanlearntoputitbackwhereitbelongswhenshe’sdonewithit.”

Again,hepaused.Onlyforasecond,butlongenoughtobepoignant.“Ifeellike

there’sapartofthisconversationI’mnotprivyto.”

Therewas.

“Thereis,”Isaid.

“Mostlythepartaboutwhyyou’rehere.”

“Well,that’safunnystory.”

“Isn’titalwayswithyou?”

“Asarule,”Iagreed.“So,meandDadgotdonewiththebedsprettyquick,andI

hungaroundtomakesureeverythingwasdone.AndIjust…couldn’tleave.”

“Soundsmorevoodoothanfunnystorytome.”

“Shutupandletmetalk.”

“Yes,ma’am.”Heturnedandgavemeacoffeewithagrin,thenrestedbackagainst

thecounterwithhisarmsfoldedacrosshischest.“Pleasecontinue.”

Itookadeepdrinkofcoffee,setthemugdown,anddidjustthat.Well…“Now,you

interruptedme.WheredidIstoptalking?”

“Youjustcouldn’tleave,”heremindedme.

“Oh!Right.Thanks.”Thiswasn’tgoinghowI’dplannedit.

Storyofmyfuckinglife.

“So,yeah.Icouldn’tleave.Then,IfoundEllie’scostumebox,andonethingledto

another.”

“Onethingledtoyoucompletingtheirbedroomsalmosttoentirety,”hepointedout.

“Right.Another.”Ishruggedandusedmycoffeemugasashieldtohidemysmile.

“Semanticsandallthat.”

Brantleyeyedmeforamoment.“Why?”Thequestionwasshort.Sharp.Tothe

point.But,notcruel.Stillkind—butsocurious.“Whydidyoustay?”

“Itoldyou.Icouldn’tleave.”

“That’snotananswer.”

“ItisifIwantedittobe.”

“Kali—”

“Icouldn’tleavebecauseIdidn’twantto,”Iblurtedout.Iputthecoffeemugonthe

tablenexttomeandsteeledmyself.“Icouldn’tleaveifIdidn’tgettosaygoodbye,”I
addedsoftly.

Hetookadeepbreath.“Right.So,goodbye?”

Ishookmyhead,dippingmygazeawaybrieflybeforeswingingitbackuptomeet

his.“No,”Isaidquietly.“That’snotwhatImeant.I—Ithoughtaboutwhatyousaid.The
otherday,intheCoastal.AndwhatIdidn’tsayandwhatIshouldhavesaid—”

Heclosedthedistancebetweenus.Hishandscuppedmyface,andhekissedme

rightasIhesitated.“Ididn’ttellyouenough,”hesaidasIcurledmyfingersinhisshirt.“I
didn’ttellyouthatIdon’tjustlikeyou.Ididn’ttellyouthatI’mfallinginlovewithyou,
andIshouldhave.Ididn’ttellyou—”

Thistime,thecut-offkisswasmine.

Ishuthimup.

“Ididn’ttellyouthatI’mfallinginlovewithyou,”Iechoed.“ThatIloveyourkids.

Thatyourfamilyturnedmefromsomeonewhoneverwantedthemtosomeonewhocan’t
imagineherlifewithoutthem.”

Hetookadeepbreath.

Pulledback.

Lookedmeintheeyes.

“Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoing,”Iwhispered.“Iwillneverbegoodatwhatyoudo

asaparent.Idon’tknowifitwilleverbenaturalorright.But,Iwanttotry.Iwanttotry
tobeenoughforthem.Foryou.”

Hetouchedhisforeheadtomine,smilingashedidit.“Baby,youalreadyare.More

thanyouknow.”

Iletmyeyesfluttershutuntilhepulledback.“Isitokay?ThatIwon’tbeperfect?”

Hestaredatmeforamoment,thenusedthefingertipsthatbrushedmycheeksto

sweepmyhairbehindmyears.“Afewdaysago,youlookedafterthemwhenIdidn’t
evenknowwhattimeitis.Idon’texactlyhavethemarketonperfectcornered.”

Well…therewasthat.

“Anditdoesn’tmatter,”hecontinuedquietly.“You’llfuckup.Ifuckupallthetime.

It’spartofthisrollercoaster.”

“But,whatif—”

Hepressedhisfingeragainstmylipsandshookhishead.“Don’taskit,Kali.Don’t

youdarecompareyourself.”

Tearsstungthebackofmyeyes.“HowcanInot?”

“Listentome.”Hisvoicewassosoftandsoothing,andhiseyesweresobrightand

openandrawintheiremotion.“You’redifferentpeople.Katiewillalwaysbetheirmother,
butthatdoesn’tmeanyoucan’tbewhoyouwanttobetothem.Apartofmewillalways
loveher,butthatdoesn’tmeanthattherestofme—allofme—can’tloveyou.Because,it
can.And,Idon’twantyoutocompareyourself.You—God,Kali.Youbreathesomuch
lifeintome,”hewhispered,leaninghisfacedowntomine.“Don’t.Iwanttoseeyou
singingintoapaintbrushandchasingmearoundatableuntilIdielaughing.”

Inodded,squeezingbacktheemotion.“CanIbescaredofthis?”

“Pleasedo.I’mfuckingterrified.”

Forsomereason,itmademelaugh.Knowinghefeltthesameasme…Idon’tknow.

Itflippedaswitch,andinsteadofcrying,Iburstoutlaughing,wrappingmyarmsaround
hiswaist.

Hisslidaroundme.Hisbodyshookwithsilentlaughter,andinthatmoment,with

mysoullaidbare,wrappedaroundhim,Iknew.

Iknewthatwe’dbeokay.

Because,itwasjustlikemymomhadsaid.

Ineverwantedkids.NotuntilImetthetwowhoneededmetowantthem.

And,I’dneverwantedtowantanyoneasmuchasIdidthosecrazykids.

“Voom,voom!”Elishouted,runningthroughtheroominaflashofcolorwithhis

fistraisedintheair.

“Ewi!”Ellieclobberedafterhim,herplayshoessmackingagainstthekitchenasshe

readjustedthetiaraonherhead.“HowcandIsaveyouifyoukeepwunningawayfromd
me?”

IglancedupandmetBrantley’seyes.

Theysparkled.

Myheartskipped.

“Eli,”Icalled.“Staystillandletyoursisterrescueyou!”

“Voomvoom!”camefromunderthetable.

“Pickyourbattles,”Brantleymouthed,releasingmesoElicouldpopupbetween

us.Hismaskedfacejerkedbetweenusbeforehegrinnedandtookoff,headingforthe
stairs.

“Okay,”Ireplied.“Youfightthisone,then.”

“That’snotwhatImeant.”Hislipstwitched.

Epilogue

Oneyearlater

Istaredatthepartyspreadinfrontofme,thendownatmystomach.

Ilookedfat.

Notevenpregnant-fat,justfat.Thehorrible,awkwardmomentwherepeoplewould

stareatyouinthestoreastheyfigureditout.

Toopregnanttohideit,toosmalltoconfirmit,mymomkeptsaying.

Although,ifshetouchedmybumponemoretime,Iwasgoingtokaratechopher

headoffherfuckingshoulders.

Handsslidovermywaistandacrossthepudge.“Lookatthat,”Brantleymurmured,

drawingmybodyagainsthis.“Youfinallypassedthefatstage.”

Ilookeddownagain.Ieventiltedmyheadtothesides.“Doesthismeanyourmom

willstopquestioningherexistenceifshecanseethebump?”

“Yes.She’llprobablytouchyouafewtimes.”

“Nope.”Ishovedhishandsoffmeandpointedmyfingerathim.“Iamnotan

interactiveexhibitionatamuseum!I’mgoingtochange!”

“Kali!”helaughed,followingmeupthestairs.“I’mfuckingwithyou!”

“Nope!Betweenmymomandyours—nope!”Ithrewmyhandsintheair.“Iamnot

doingthis.”Itoremyshirtoffovermyheadandthrewitonthebed.“It’sbadenoughI
canbarelyworkbecauseofsafetyregulationsonawholebunchofshit,”Icontinued.
“Now,Ican’tevenhostabirthdaypartywithoutmyfatbeingfondled?Nope.Noway.I
spentthreehoursinthatkitchentoday.Three.Hours!YouknowthelasttimeIspentthree
hoursinthekitchen?”

“Youweretryingtohidethefactyouwerebinge-eatingyogurtandcookies.

Together.”

“Youdon’tgettojudgeme.”Ijabbedmyfingerthroughtheair.“Iwashungry!”

Heraisedhiseyebrowsandsmiled.

“Ididnotspendthreehoursinthatfuckingkitchentohavepeoplepokemyfat.”

“Thatfatisourdaughter.”

“Stillfat!”Ipokedmybarebumptoprovemypoint,andgotkickedharderthanI

everhadformytroubles.“Hey!”Isaidtomystomach.“Whatwasthat?”

“Didshekickyou?”

“Kickme.Trytobreakout.Samedifference.”

Hecameoverandrestedhishandonmystomach.“Doitagain,”hesaidsoftly.

“Pokeher.Gently.”

Iproddedthefrontofmystomach,andshekicked.Rightwherehisfingertipswere.

Asmilespreadacrosshisface.“She’stellingyoutogetoffher.Justpokeherevery

timeamomtouchesyou.”

Iwastornbetweengrinningthathe’dfeltherandglaringathissuggestion.I

decidedtopullmyt-shirtovermyheadinstead.

I’dboughtitespeciallyforthismutualmeetingofourparents.

Brantleywalkedaroundmeandreadtheshirt.“Handsoffthebump,”heread.

“Iwantedonethatsaid,“TouchmeandI’llcutyoulikeafish,”buttheydidn’thave

thatonZulily.”

Herubbedhishandoverhisface.“Justaswell.Iseverythingready?Theyshouldbe

backanyminute.”

“Everythingexceptmypatience.”

“You’retestytoday.DidElieatalltheyoghurtagain?”

Istaredathim.

“Yetstillsovery,verybeautiful,”hetried.

Istillstaredathim.

Helaughed,drawingmeclose.“Comeon,fatty.Iknowforafacttherearecookies

inthekitchen.Ihidthemhighupwherethekidscouldn’tgetthem.”

“AndIjustfellinlovewithyoualloveragain.”

Hekissedme,fightingasmile.

Downstairs,thedoorslammedopen.“Mommmmmmmmmy!”Elishouted.

Isighed.“Theregomycookies.”

Brantleycuppedmyface.“Quick,distracttheminthebackyard,andI’llgetthem

foryou.”

“Ijustswooned,”Isaid,kissingthecornerofhismouthandheadingforthestairs.

“Mommy!Whereareyou?”Ellieshrieked.

“Coming!”Ishouted.“Letthefatladywalk!”

Brantley’slaughterchasedmedownthestairs.

ElliefrownedasIcameintoview.“Youlookfattoday.”

“That’snotnice!”Elishovedher.“Mommylookspretty.”

“We’renotfighting.”Iwavedmyhandsandcroucheddowntotheminthehall.

“WhereareNannyandGranddad?”

“Inthecar,”Elliesaid.“Youreallydolookfattoday.CanItouchit?”

“You,”Isaid,“areallowed.”

Istoodsoshecould.Sheevengotthehintofakickforhertroubles.

Hereyeswidened.“Whatwasthat?”

“Yoursisterhasyourattitude,”Ireplied.

“Thatwasweird.”Elliebackedoff.“Daddy!Mommy’sstomachhitme!”Sheran

upstairs.

Elitouchedmystomach,too,alookofmildcuriosityonhisface.Thatquickly

changedtosadness.“Whywon’tshekickme?”

“Shelikesyou.”Igrinned,restingmyhandoverhis.“Andyouknowthebestpart

ofhavingtwosisters?”

“Therewillbenothinggoodabouthavingtwosisters,”hesaidsomberly.

“No,therewillbe.”Igentlytookhishandfrommineandbentdown.“You’re

guaranteedtobemyfavoriteboy.Them?Whoknows.”

Hegrinned,hisbrighteyessparkling.“Thatsoundsfun.”

Ireturnedthatsmileofhisandkissedhisnose.“Happybirthday,buddy.”

Hehuggedmyneck.“Thanks,Mommy.CanIgoeatsomeofthatfood?”

“Don’ttouchthecake,”Iwarnedhim.

Onethingtheyhadn’tgrownoutofwastheirloveforsuperheroesandprincesses,

andI’dmanagedtoincorporatethatintoonecake.

Allright.

I’dpaidsomeoneto,butitwasbasicallythesamething.

Wasn’tit?

“Godown,”Brantleysaidfromthestaircase.“Andgetadrink,then.”

IlaughedasElliescootedpastmetothefridge.

Helookedatme.“Oneday,”hesaid.“Oneday,wewillbechildfree.”

“Eighteenyearsandfivemonths,”Iresponded.

“Shit,”hemuttered.“Shouldathoughtofthat.”

“Beforeorafteryouthrewmeoverthesofa?”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhiswaist

andlookedupathim.

Hesettledhisarmsaroundmyshouldersandpursedhislips.“Iwasn’tthinking

straightwhenIthrewyouoverit,so…”

Iburiedmyfaceinhischestandlaughed.“CanIhavemycookiesnow?”

Hekissedthetopofmyhead,laughing,too.“Surething,baby.”

Hereleasedme,stilllaughing.

AlotofthingshadchangedsinceI’dmettheCoopers.

Theringonmyfinger?Thathadchanged.Sohadthefactmyuteruswasincubating

atinyhumanbeing.Sohadmyname—Iwasn’tKawianymore,IwasMommy.

Theonethingthathadn’t?

Brantleystilllaughed.

Everyday.

Sometimeswithme.Sometimesatme.But,alwaysbecauseofme.

IfI’dhaveknownhoweverythingwouldchangewhenIwalkedthroughthedoor,I

probablyneverwouldhave.Myfamilyquadrupledovernight.Christmasgotbiggerand
moreexpensive,andresponsibilityrainedonme.

I’dcomeintothishousetofixbedrooms.

WhatI’ddonewasfixafamily.

And,I’dneverbeensodamnhappy.

Well…MaybewhenIgotmycookies.

AbouttheAuthor

EmmaHartistheNewYorkTimesandUSATodaybestsellingauthorofovertwenty

novelsandhasbeentranslatedintoseveraldifferentlanguages.Shefirstputfingersto

keysattheageofeighteenafterherhusbandtoldhershereadtoomuchandshouldwrite

herown.

Fouryearslater,she’sstillfiguringoutwhathemeantwhenhesaidshe‘readtoo

much.’

Shepridesherselfonwritingsmartsmutthat’sfilledwithdrywit,snappy,sarcastic

comebacks,butlotsofheart…Andsex.Sometimes,shekillspeople.(Disclaimer:In

books.Butifyoubugher,she’lluseyournameforthevictims.)

Youcanfindheronlineat:

www.emmahart.org

www.facebook.com/emmahartbooks

www.instagram.com/EmmaHartAuthor

www.pinterest.com/authoremmhart

Alternatively,youcanjoinherreadergroupathttp://bit.ly/EmmaHartsHartbreakers.

YoucanalsogetallthingsEmmatoyouremailinboxbysigningupforEmma

Alerts*.http://bit.ly/EmmaAlerts

*Emailssentforsales,newreleases,pre-orderavailability,andcoverreveals.Each

coverrevealcontainsanexclusiveexcerpt.

BooksbyEmmaHart

TheVegasNightsseries:

Sin

Lust

Strippedseries:

StrippedBare

StrippedDown

TheBurkeBrothers:

DirtySecret

DirtyPast

DirtyLies

DirtyTricks

DirtyLittleRendezvous

TheHollyWoodsFiles:

TwistedBond

TangledBond

TetheredBond

TiedBond

TwirledBond

BurningBond

TwinedBond

ByHisGameseries:

Blindsided

Sidelined

Intercepted

Callseries:

LateCall

FinalCall

HisCall

Wildseries:

WildAttraction

WildTemptation

WildAddiction

Wild:TheCompleteSeries

TheGameseries:

TheLoveGame

PlayingforKeeps

TheRightMoves

WorththeRisk

Memoriesseries:

NeverForget

AlwaysRemember

Standalones:

BlindDate

BeingBrooke

CatchingCarly

Casanova

MixedUp

MissFix-It

MissMechanic(comingDecember12)

TheUpsidetoBeingSingle(comingJanuary30,

2018)

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