motherwasn’thomefromworkyet.Shewassupposedtobehomebynow.Ishouldn’thavecomeback
fromthelibrarysoearly.AmanandhisyoungdaughterhadcomeuptomewhileIwaslookingthrough
thechildren’spicturebooks.He’dstartedtalkingtomeandaskingmemyname.He’dwantedtoknowifI
wasgettingabookformylittlesister.

Theembarrassmentthatcamewiththatquestionremindedmeofmystupidity,asalways.
“Girl!”mystepfatherroared.
Hewasangrynow.Myeyesstungwithunshedtears.Ifhewouldonlyjustbeatmelikeheusedto.Back

whenIwasyoungerandIbroughthomepoorgradesinschool.Ifhewouldjustcallmenamesandtellme
howworthlessIwas...buthewouldn’t.OnceIhadwishedmorethananythingthathewouldstophitting
me.Ihatedthebelt,andtheweltsheleftonmylegsandbottommadeithardtositdown.

Thenoneday,hestopped.AndIinstantlywishedhe’dgobacktohittingme.Thebitefromthebeltwas

betterthanthis.Anythingwasbetterthanthis.Evendeath.

Iopenedmybedroomdoorandtookadeepbreath,remindingmyselfthatIcouldsurvivewhateverhe

did.IwassavingmymoneyfromthehousecleaningjobsIhad,andIwouldbeleavingheresoon.My
motherwouldbegladIwasgone.Shehatedme.Shehadhatedmeforyears.

Iwasaburdenonher.
ItuggedmyshirtdownandtuckeditintotheshortsIwaswearing.ThenIpulledtheshortsdownso

theycoveredmoreofmylegs.Itwaspointless,really.Ihadlonglegsthatwerehardtocoverup.There
wereneveranyshortsatthethriftstorelongenough.

Itwasonlyanhourbeforemymothergothome.Hewouldn’tdoanythingthatshecouldwalkinon.

Evenifshedid,Iwonderedifshewouldaccusemeandsayitwasmyfault.Shehadalreadyblamedme
forthewaymybodyhadchangedfouryearsago.Mybreastshadgrowntoolarge,andshesaidIneeded
tostopeatingbecausemyasswasfat.Ihadtriednoteating,butithadn’thelpedmybottom.

Mystomachhadflattenedout,andithadonlymademychestlooklarger.Shehatedthat.SoIstarted

eatingagain,butmystomachpudgeneverreturned.Onenight,whenIhadwalkedintothelivingroomina

pairofcutoffsweatpantsandaT-shirttogetsomemilkbeforeIwenttobed,sheslappedmeandtoldmeI
lookedlikeawhore.Morethanonce,shecalledmeastupidwhorewhohadnothingbutherlookstoget
heranywhereinlife.

NowIsteppedintothelivingroomtoseeMarco,mystepfather,sittinginhisreclinerwithhiseyes

trainedonthetelevisionandabeerinhishand.Hehadcomehomefromworkearly.

Hisgazeswungtomeandslowlytrailedupmybody,makingmeshiverwithdisgust.WhatIwouldn’t

givetobesmartandflat-chested.Ifmylegswereshortandfat,thenmylifewouldbeperfect.Myface
wasn’twhatattractedMarco.Itwasaverageenough.Ihatedmybody.Ihateditsomuch.

Nauseacreptup,andmyheartracedasIfoughtbackthetears.HeloveditwhenIcried.Itmadehim

worse.Iwouldn’tcry.Notinfrontofhim.

“Comesitinmylap,”heordered.
Icouldn’tdoit.Ihadbeenabletoavoidhimforweeksbystayingawayfromthehouseasmuchas

possible.Thehorrorofhavinghishandsupmyshirtorinmypantsagainwastoomuch.I’dratherhe
killedme.Anythingbutthis.

WhenIdidn’tmove,hisfacetwistedintoanevilsneer.“Getyourstupidsluttyassoverhere,andsiton

mygoddamnlap!”

Iclosedmyeyes,becausethetearswerecoming.Ihadtostopthem.Ifhe’djusthitmeagain,I’dtake

it.Ijustcouldn’tstandhimtouchingme.Ihatedthesoundshemadeandthethingshesaid.Itwasanever-
endingnightmare.

EverysecondIstayedbackwasasecondclosertomymothergettinghome.Whenshewashere,he

calledmenames,buthenevertouchedme.ShemightwishIdidn’texist,butshewasmyonlysalvation
fromthis.

“Goaheadandcry,Ilikeit,”hesaid,sneering.
Hischaircreaked,andthenIheardthefootrestslamdown.Isnappedmyeyesopentoseehimstanding

up.Notgood.IfIran,Iwouldn’tmakeitpasthim.Theonlyotheroptionwasthebackyard,buthispitbull
wasoutthere.Ithadbittenmethreeyearsago,andIhadneededstitches,buthehadn’tletmegotothe
doctor.He’dtoldmetowrapitup;hewasn’tputtinghisdogdownovermystupidass.

Ihadanuglyscaronmyhipfromthedog’steeth.
I’dnevergoneintothebackyardagain.
Butwatchinghimwalktowardme,Iwonderedifbeingeatenbyhisdogwasn’tbetterthanthis.Itwas

ameanstoanend:death.Whichdidn’tsoundsobad.

Justbeforehereachedme,Idecidedthatwhateverhisdogwoulddotomewasbetterthanthis.SoI

ran.

Hecackledwithlaughterbehindme,butIdidn’tletitslowmedown.Hedidn’tthinkI’dgooutthe

backdoor.Howwronghewas.Iwouldfacethedogsofhelltogetawayfromhim.

Butthedoorwasbolted.Ineededthekeytounboltit.No.No.
Hishandsgrabbedmywaistandpulledmebacktofeelhishardnesspressingagainstme.Thesour

tasteofvomitburnedthebackofmythroatasIjerkedawayfromhim.“No!”Iyelled.

Hishandsmovedaroundandgrabbedmybreastsandsqueezedpainfully.“Stupidwhore.Thisisall

you’regoodfor.Couldn’tgraduatefromhighschoolbecauseyouweretoodamnstupid.Butthisbodyis
meanttomakemenhappy.Acceptthat,bitch.”

Thetearsrandownmyface.Ihadn’tbeenabletostopthem.Heknewthewordstohurtme.“No!”I

criedoutagain,butthistimethepainwasthereinmyvoice.Itcracked.“Fightme,Reese.Ilikeitwhen
youfightme,”hehissedinmyear.

Howcouldmymotherstaymarriedtothisman?Wasmyfatherworsethanthis?She’dnevermarried

him.Shenevertoldmeabouthim.Ididn’tevenknowhisname.Butnoonecouldbeworsethanthisawful
man.

Icouldn’tdothisagain.Iwasdonebeingscared.Eitherhewouldbeatmeuntilhekilledme,orhe

wouldkickmeout.Ihadfearedbothforsolong.Mymotherhadtoldmeoncethatallmenwoulddoin
thisworldwasthinkaboutsexwhentheylookedatme.Iwouldbeusedbymenmywholelife.Shewas
alwaystellingmetoleave.

TodayIwasready.Ionlyhadeighthundredandfifty-fivedollarssavedup,butIcouldgetabusticket

totheothersideofthecountryandgetajob.IfIgotoutofthishousealive,that’swhatIwasdoing.

Marco’shandsslippeddownthefrontofmyshorts,andIbuckedagainsthim,screaming.Ididn’twant

hishandthere.“Letmego!”Iyelled,loudlyenoughfortheneighborstohear.

Hepulledhishandoutandjerkedmearoundbymyarmsoharditpopped.Thenheslammedme

againstthedoor.Hishandpunchedmyfacewithaloudcrack.Myvisionblurred,andIfeltmykneesgo
weak.“Shutup,bitch,andtakeit.”

Hishandsgrabbedmyshirtandjerkeditup,thentuggedmybradown.Isobbed,becauseIcouldn’t

stopthehorror.Itwascoming,andIcouldn’tstophim.

“Getawayfrommyhusband,youwhore,andleavemyhouse!Idon’twanttoeverseeyourface

again!”Mymother’svoicestoppedMarco,andhemovedhishandsoffmybreasts.Ijerkedmyshirtback
down.

Myfacewasburningfromthepunch,andItastedbloodonmylipasthestingingcutundermytongue

begantoswell.

“Out,youstupid,good-for-nothingwhore!”mymotherscreamed.
Thatmomentchangedeverything.

Mase

Twoyearslater

uckinghell.Whatwasthatnoise?IpeeledmyeyesopenassleepslowlyfadedfrommybrainandI

registeredwhathadwokenmeup.

Avacuum?And...singing?Whatthefuck?
Irubbedmyeyesandgroanedinfrustrationasthenoisegotlouder.Iwassurenowthatitwasa

vacuum.AnditsoundedlikeareallybadversionofMirandaLambert’s“Gunpowder&Lead.”

Myphonesaiditwasonlyeight.Ihadbeenasleepfortwohours.Afterthirtyhoursstraightwithno

sleep,Iwasbeingawakenedbybadsingingandamotherfuckingvacuum?

Asshesangthefirsttwolinesofthechorus,Iwinced.Shewasgettinglouderasshesang.Anditwas

seriouslyoffkey.Thatwasagoodsongshewasbutchering.Didn’tthewomanknowthatyoudidn’tcome
intopeople’shousesateightinthefuckingmorningandsingatthetopofyourlungs?

Iwasnevergoingtogetbacktosleepwiththisracket.
Nannettemusthavehiredanidiottocleanherfuckinghouse.Butthen,knowingNannette,shewas

pissedbecauseIwashereandtherewasnothingshecoulddoaboutit.Shehadprobablypaidthewoman
toscreechoutsidemybedroomdoor.Nannettedidn’townthehouse;ourdad,Kiro,did.He’dtoldusthat
whileNannettewasbackinParis,Icouldstayatthehouseandspendsometimewithourothersister,
Harlow,wholivedinRosemaryBeachwithherhusband,Grant,andtheirnewbaby.

Thismusthavebeenthebitch’swayofgettingbackatmeforstayingatherplace.
Nowshewassingingthechorusoverandoveragainatthetopofherlungs.God,itwaslikewakingto

anightmare.Thiswomansoneededtoshutup.IhadtogetsomesleepbeforeIwenttovisitHarlowand
herfamily.ShewassoexcitedaboutmecomingallthewayfromTexas.Butthisidiotwasmessingupmy
sleepveryeffectively.

IthrewbackthecoversandstoodupandheadedforthedoorbeforeIrealizedIwasnaked.Myhead

waspoundingfromlackofsleep,andIwasgettingangrierasIsearchedtheroomforthedamnjeansIhad
takenoffwhenI’dgottenhere.Myvisionwasblurry,andthedarkcurtainswereclosed.Fuckit.Ireached
forthesheetandwrappeditaroundmywaistandwentforthedoor.

Iswungitopenjustasshestartedsingingtheopeninglinestoanothersong.Dammit.Notanothersong.

Thistime,shewasmurdering“Cruise”byFloridaGeorgiaLine.

Iblinkedandrubbedmyeyesagainstthelight,myvisionstillblurry.Shit,didthewomannotseeme

standinghere?

Afterafewseconds,Ifinallywasabletoopenmyeyesinasquinttoseearoundlittleasswigglingas

shebentover.MyeyesslowlyopenedwideasItookinthelongestdamnlegsI’deverseen.Andholy
fuckinghell,herass.Wasthatafreckleunderherleftbuttcheek?

Shestoodup,andhertinywaistonlymadeherasslookbetter.Shecontinuedtoshakeherbottomas

shesangoffkey.Iwincedasshehitaveryhighnote.Damn,thegirlcouldn’tsing.

Thensheturned,andIhardlyhadamomenttoappreciatethefrontviewbeforeshescreamedand

droppedthevacuumcleanerasshepulledherearbudsoutofherears.Big,roundbaby-blueeyesstaredat
meinhorrorassheopenedandclosedhermouthafewtimesasifshewastryingtospeak.

Itookthemomentofsilencetocheckoutherfullpinklipsandtheperfectshapeofherface.Herhair

waspulledupinabun,butitwasthecolorofmidnight.Iwonderedhowlongitwas.

“I’msorry,”shemanagedtosqueakout,andmyeyeswentbacktohers.Shewasreallysomething.

Therewasanexoticqualityabouther.ItwaslikeGodhadpickedallthebestpiecesandputthem
togethertocreateher.

“I’mnot,”Ireplied.Notanymore.Whothehellneedssleep?Oh,yeah.Ido.
“Ididn’tknow,uh...Ithoughttheplacewasstillempty.Imean,Ididn’tknowsomeonewasstaying

here.Therewasn’tacaroutside,andIrangthedoorbell,butnooneanswered,soIusedthecodeand
cameonin.”Shewasn’tSouthern.MaybeMidwestern.Ijustknewshewasn’tfromaroundhere.She
lackedthetwangofthelocalaccent.Therewasasoftnesstohervoice.

“Iflewin.Hadacardropmehere,”Isaid.
Shenoddedandthenlookedbackdownatherfeet.“I’llbequiet.Icancomebackupanddothisarea

later.I’lljustgodownstairsandstarttheretoday.”

Inodded.“Thanks.”
Hercheeksflushedasshelethergazedroptomybarechest.Thensheturnedandhurriedaway,leaving

thevacuumbehindinherescape.Iwatched,enjoyingthewayherbottombounced.Damn,Ihopedshe
cleanedseveraltimesaweek.Nexttime,Iwouldn’tbeexhausted.Nexttime,I’dfindouthername.

Onceshewasoutofsight,Isteppedbackintotheroomandclosedthedoor.Agrintuggedatmylips

whenIthoughtaboutherfacewhenshe’drealizedIwasonlywearingasheet.HowdidNanhavea
housecleanerwholookedlikethat?Thegirlwasgorgeous.

Ilaybackdownandclosedmyeyes.Theimageofthatfrecklesittingrightthereundertheplumpness

cametomind.Ireallywantedtolickthatfreckle.CutestfuckingfreckleI’deverseen.

Reese

“O

hgod,ohgod,ohgod,ohgod,”IchantedasIsankdownonthenearestsofaandcoveredmyfacewith

myhands.

Ihadn’trealizedsomeonewasstayinghere.I’dwokenhimup.Heseemedannoyed,Ithought.Oh,God,

Icouldn’ttell.I’dbeensonervousthathewasgoingtofireme.Thiswasmybest-payingjob,butI’d
nevermettheowner.Iworkedforacleaningservice,andtheygotmethejobs.Thiswasthebiggesthouse
Ihad,andtheonce-a-weekcleaningpaidthemonthlyrentonmyapartmentandallmyutilitiesandfood.
TheotherhousesIcleanedweresmaller,soifIlostthishouse,itwouldtakeallthoseotherjobs
combinedtopaymybills.Iwouldn’thaveanythingleftovertosave.Nosafetynet.

Theimageofhisbarechesttauntedme,andIclosedmyeyestightly,pushingitoutofmyhead.Ididn’t

trustmen.Well,exceptformyneighborJimmy.Hewastheonewhohadhookedmeupwiththecleaning
service.Helikedmen,notwomen,soIfeltsafewithhim.

Ialsodidn’tnormallyenjoytheviewofaguy’schest.Butthatchest...well,itwasreallynice.His

armsweresothickandcordedwithmuscles.WhatwasIthinking?Yes,hisbodywasbeautiful,butmen
likehimwholivedinhouseslikethisdidn’twantsomeonelikemeformorethanabootycall.

Thatmanwasrichandgorgeousandpossiblyhadawomaninbedwithhimwhowasjustasrichand

gorgeous.Infact,Iwassurehedid.Thelargestbedroomupstairshadawalk-inclosetfullofthemost
beautifulclothingIhadeverseen.Ifiguredawomanlivedhere,andthisguycouldbeherboyfriend.Ijust
wasn’tsurewhyhe’dbestayinginadifferentroom.Butitwasn’tmybusiness.Sonomatterhownice
thosearmsandthatchestwere,orhowchiseledhisfacewas,evenwithseveraldays’worthofstubble,
hewasnotsafetothinkabout.

IhadtomakesureIdidn’tlosethisjob.Theplacewasusuallyprettyclean,becausenoonehadlived

hereinthemonthssinceI’dbeenworking,butIcleaneditweeklylikeitwasfilthy.Nodustcouldbe
foundanywhere,andIevenwentasfarasorganizingthepantryandthecleaningcloset,scrubbingthe
cabinetsandthrowingoutanyexpiredfood.

Standingup,IshookoffmyhumiliationathavingwokenuptheclientbysingingGodknowshowloudly

andvacuumingrightoutsidehisdoor.Whenhesawhowcleaneverythingwas,maybehe’doverlookmy
mistake.

Threehourslater,thedownstairswasimmaculate.Ihadevenwipedoutthefridgeandthefreezer
completelyagain,givingtheclientplentyoftimetosleep.Iwenttothesecondfloorandcleanedevery
roomthoroughlyuntilIcouldn’tfindanythingelsetoclean,beforeIfinallystoodatthefootofthestairs

andlookeduptothethirdfloor.Itwasoneintheafternoon,andhewasstillinbed.Ihadthreebedrooms
andthreefullbathroomstogetto,plusatheaterandagameroomwithafullbar.Thegameroomwasfar
enoughawayfromhisroomthat,ifIwasquiet,Icouldprobablycleanitwithoutwakinghim.

Itiptoedupthestairsandeasedpasthisroom.WhenIwassafelyinthegameroom,Iletoutasighof

relief.Iclosedthedoorbehindmeandturnedtofacethelarge,untouchedroom.Thebarwasstocked
witheveryalcoholimaginableandsomanydifferentglassesIcouldn’tevenbegintofigureoutwhatwent
withwhat.Iwalkedacrosstheroomandsetmybasketofcleaningsuppliesdownonthefloor.Idecided
todayIwouldspendsomeextratimecleaningthewindows.Igrabbedachairandcovereditwithaclean
clothbeforestandingonit.Theceilingwasatleasttwelvefeethigh,whichmadethewindowshardto
reach.SometimesIbroughtaladderinhere,butitwouldmaketoomuchofaracketifItriedtobringitup
today.

Ihadreachedupwithaclothtobeginscrubbingthewindowsfromtoptobottomwhenmycellphone

rang.Crap!IalwaysputtheringeronhighwhenIwasworkingsoIcouldhearitaroundthehouse.I
scrambledtogetdown,butmyfootslipped.Iwincedinpainjustbeforethechairturnedover,andmy
armsshotouttograbfortheclosestthingnexttome.Amassive,ornatemirror.

Thesoundofbreakingglasscamejustbeforemybutthitthefloorwitharesoundingthud.
Andmystupidcellphonewasstillblaringattopvolume.
Iturnedanddesperatelyreachedformyphonebutcouldn’tgrabit.TheloudringingcontinuedasI

wiggledovertoit,mylegsalltwistedup.

Thedoorswungopen,andIfrozeinplace.
HereIsat,withshatteredglassallaroundmeandanupturnedchair.Theonlybrightspotwasthatmy

phonehadfinallystoppedringing.

“Whatthehellhappened?AreyouOK?”heasked,ashestalkedtowardmeinapairofwhiteboxer

briefs.Atleasthewasn’ttotallynaked.Ijerkedmyeyesawayfromhimandhisalmost-nakedbodyand
suckedinabreath.I’dbrokenhismirrorandwokenhimupagain.

“I’msosorry.I’llpayyoubackforthemirror.Iknowitprobablycostsalot,butyoudon’thavetopay

meuntilit’scovered.I’llevencomeinmorethanonceaweekforfree.”

Hefrowned,andmystomachdropped.Hewasn’thappy.“Areyoubleeding?Shit,givemeyourhand.”
Hedroppedtohiskneesandtookmylefthandinhis.Sureenough,therewasapieceofglassinit,and

bloodwasslowlytricklingoutaroundtheshard.

“You’regonnaneedstitches.Letmeputonsomeclothes,andI’lltakeyoutothehospital,”hesaid,

standingbackupandheadingforthedoor.

Istareddownattheglassandbackupatthedoor.Hewastakingmetogetstitches.Forthis?Ifmy

cleaningagencyfoundout,theywouldfiremethemselves.Icouldn’tlethimmakeabigdealoutofit.I
justneededsomeperoxideandsomethingtowrapitup.ThenIwouldcleanupthemessI’dmade.

Istoodupandwincedfromthepaininmybackside.Iwasgoingtohaveabruiseforsure.Idustedoff

thefewsliversofglassstillclingingtomyclothes,buttheyopeneduptinycutsinmyfingers.Theblood
thatsmeareddownmylegsonlymadethingslookworsethantheywere.

IeasedoutofthewreckageIhadcreated.OnceIwassureIwasn’ttrailinganypiecesofglassafter

me,Ifoundacleanclothinmybasket,thenwenttothenearestbathroomtotherightofthegameroom,
wetthecloth,andcleanedupmylegs.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Hisvoicesoundedmad.
Ijerkedmyheadupandbackedawayashefilledthedoorwayofthebathroom.Myfootwasuponthe

closedtoiletseatlid,andIimmediatelydroppeditbacktothefloor.“I’msorryI’mbarefoot.Iwasgoing
tocleanthetoiletlidonceIwasdone.”

Hisfrowngrew.Crap.Iwasn’tmakingthisbetter.
“Idon’tcareaboutthefuckingtoilet.Whydidn’tyouwaitformetohelpyouup?Youcouldhave

steppedinmoreglass.”

What?ThistimeIfrowned.Iwasn’tunderstandinghim.“Iwascareful,”Ireplied,stillnotsurewhat

hadhimupset.

“Comeon.I’mgoingtopullthatglassoutandcleanthewoundandwrapitbeforeweleave.Youcan’t

keepitinthere.Itcouldgetinfected.”

“OK,”Ireplied,afraidtotellhimno.Hewasobviouslyintentonhelpingme.
Heturnedandstartedwalkingout,soIfollowedhim.Ionlyglanceddownonceathisbottom,andthat

wasonlybecauseIwascuriousaboutwhathisbacksidelookedlikeinthosejeanshewaswearing.It
wasjustasimpressiveashisfront.Thosejeansfitnicely.

Isentmygazeuphisbackandnoticedforthefirsttimethathehadaponytail.Hishairwasn’tthatlong,

butitseemedatleasttohithisshoulders.Ihadn’tallowedmyselftolookathimenoughtonotice.His
eyesandstrongjawlinehadtakenallmyattentionbefore.

Wereachedhisbedroomdoor,andhestoodbackandwavedmeinside.“IhavenoideawhereNan

keepsherfirst-aidsupplies,butI’vegotsomeinmyduffel.I’mdoctoringafallfromahorseI’m
breaking,soIcameprepared.”

Nan?WhowasNan?“Doyounotlivehere?”Iasked.
Hepulledoutasmallbluepouchfromhiscamouflageduffelbagandturnedtolookbackatme.Agrin

liftedthecornersofhismouth,andhiseyesdancedwithamusement.“Hell,no.”Hechuckled.“Haveyou
metNannette?Noonewillinglyliveswithher.Butsinceourfatherownsthishouse,Icanstayhere
wheneverIchoose.IjustchoosetodosowhenNanisgone.”

“Oh.I’veneverseenanyonehereuntilyou,”Isaid.
“Thatexplainsalot,”hemumbled,thenchuckledasifheknewajokeIdidn’t.Heheldouthishand.

“Here,givemeyourhand.IwillbeasgentleasIcan,butthisisgonnasting.”

Ididn’tletmentouchme.Butsomethingabouttheconcernedwayhewasstudyingmypalmmademe

trusthim.Hewasaniceguy,orheseemedtobeaniceguy.Hewasn’tlookingatmeinwaysthatmade
menervous.

Iplacedmyhandpalmupinhis,andheglancedupatmeapologetically,asifitwashisfault.I

watchedasheslowlyslidtheglassoutofmypalmandthenbegandottingitwithacottonballhe’dcoated
inperoxide.Yes,itstung,butI’dbeenthroughmuchworse.

Hebenthisheadandstartedgentlyblowingonmywoundashecleanedit.Thecoolfeelofhisbreath

onmyskineasedthesting,andIbecamefascinatedwiththewayhislipslookedpuckeredup.Washefor
real?HadIhitmyheadwhenIfell?Wasthissomestrangedream?

Heheldthecottonballtightlyagainstthewound,pressingitdownwithhisthumbwhilehereachedfor

anewcottonballandmedicaltape.“IwishIhadsomesalveforit,butIrarelyuseit,soIdidn’tbring
any.I’vegotsomeTylenolyoucantaketoeasethepainuntilwecangetyoutothehospital.”

Ijustnodded.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodo.NoonehadevercaredthatIhadaninjury.AndI’dhad

many.

“MynameisMase,bytheway,”hesaid,asheglancedupatmewhilewrappingmyhand.
“Ilikethatname.I’veneverhearditbefore.”Hechuckled.“Thanks.Doyouhaveaname?”Oh.He

wasaskingwhatmynamewas.NooneIhadworkedforhadaskedmemynameexceptforoneclient.But
shewasdifferentfromtheclientsattheotherplacesIworked.“Yes,Ido.It’sReese.”

Mase

hesmelledlikeafuckingcinnamonbun.Thatsweetcreamicingandcinnamonsmellthatmadeyour

mouthwater.Nottakingdeepwhiffsasherscentwaftedovermewashard.ButImanagednottoactlikea
psychoandpullherupagainstmesoIcouldburymyfaceinherneckandjustbreathe.I’dneverknowna
womantosmelllikeacinnamonbun,butdamn,itwasaturn-on.

Igotherhandwrappedupandthenledherdownthestairs.Sheseemedconfusedaboutsomething,but

shedidn’tsaymuch.Iaskedherifshehadapurse,andshenoddedandwenttogetitfromthetable
besidethedoor.Itwasn’twhatmostwomenwouldcallapurse;itwasafadedbluebackpack.Sheslung
itoverhershoulderandlookedbackatthehousewithaworriedexpression.

“I’mnotdonecleaning,”shesaid,thenlookedbackatme.
“Youcan’tcleanwithyourhandtornopen,”Ipointedout,unabletosuppressagrin.
Herbrowpuckeredintoafrown.“Itisn’tthatbad.Icanworklikethis,”shesaid,holdingupher

bandagedhand.

Ishookmyheadandopenedthedoor.“No,youcan’t.”
Westeppedoutsideandsawthatmytruckhadarrived.Ihadbeenwaitingforsomeonetodropitoff.

Good,Icoulddriveitinsteadofhercar.

“Where’syourcar?”Iaskedher.
“Idon’thaveone.”
“Didsomeonebringyou?”Iasked,alreadyknowingheranswerwouldbethatherboyfriendhad

broughther.Fuck.

“IhaveaneighborwhoworksattheKerringtonCountryClub.Iridewithhim,andthenIwalkhere

fromthere.”

Aneighbor.“Hedoesn’tbringyouhere?”
SheshookherheadandlookedatmelikeIwascrazy.“No.It’slikeamileaway.Ienjoythewalk.”
“Who’syourneighbor?”Iask.
“HisnameisJimmy.”
IwasgoingtohaveatalkwithJimmy.Itwasn’tsafeforsomeonewholookedlikehertobewalking

aroundbyherself.RosemaryBeachwasasafeplace,buttherewerepeoplewhodrovethroughgoing
fromonetowntothenext.“DoesJimmytakeyouhome?”

Sheglancedatmewithuncertainty.Likeshewasn’tsuresheshouldanswerme.“Sometimes—yes,

mostofthetime.”

Whydidn’tshehaveacar?Shehadtobetwenty-oneortwenty-two.Shewasn’takid.Shehadajob

andanapartment,Iwouldassume.“HowdoyougethomewhenJimmydoesn’tgiveyouaride?”Iasked,
holdingthetruckdooropenforher.Iheldoutmyhandforhertotakewithhergoodoneandhelpedher

intothetruckcab.

“Iwalk,”shereplied,notlookingatme.
Fuckinghell.
Glancingdownathercheapflip-flops,Inoticedthatshehadperfectlittlepink-tippedtoes.Evenher

feethadtobesexy?Damn.

Shetuckedherfeetback,andIknewshehadseenmelookingatthem.Iclosedthetruckdoorandtook

mytimewalkingaroundtothedriver’sside.Thisgirlneededhelp,butIcouldn’tsaveher.Iwasherefor
aweek,maybetwo,beforeIheadedbacktoTexas.Gettingworkedupoverthisgirl’sproblemswasn’t
smart.

MycellphonestartedringinginmypocketbeforeIcouldstarttheengine,andIknewitwasHarlow.

Shewasexpectingmeataroundtwo.Glancingattheclock,Isawitwasalmosttwonow.

“Hey,”Isaidintothephone,asIcrankedupthetruckandheadedtowardthemainroad.
“Didyougetsomesleep?”sheasked.IcouldhearLilaKate,herbabygirl,fussinginthebackground.
“Uh,yeah,”Ireplied.Icouldn’ttellherhowlittlesleepI’dgotten,sincethereasonwassittingbeside

me.

“Youstillcomingattwo?Grantsaidhe’dgiveusanhourandthenhe’llbeherebythree.”
IglancedoveratReese’sinjuredhand.Thatwasgoingtotakeawhile.AnERwaitingroomwasnever

fast.“Therewasanaccidentthismorning.ThegirlwhocleansNan’shousefellandslicedherhandopen.
I’mtakinghertogetstitches.CouldbeawhilebeforeIgetthere.”

“Oh,no!”Harlowsaid,hervoicefilledwithconcern.OneofthemanyreasonsIpreferredHarlowto

Nan.“IssheOK?”

Shehadn’tevenwincedwhenIcleanedherwithperoxide.Hell,IevenwincedwhenIhadacutlike

that.“Seemstobe.Justanastycut.Shedoesn’thaveacar,andI’llneedtotakeherhomeafterward.
MightbelaterontonightbeforeIgetthere.Butyou’vegotmetherestoftheweek.You’llbesickofmy
facebeforeSunday,”Iassuredher.

Harlowlaughed.“Doubtit,butthat’sfine.Takeyourtime.Getherfixedupandsafelyhome.I’lltakea

napwithLilaKate.Shewasupalotlastnight.She’steething.”

“Getsomesleep,then,sweetheart.I’llseeyoutonight,”Ireplied,beforeendingthecall.
“Youdon’thavetostaywithme.I’llgetacabtotakemehome,”Reesesaid.
Iwasn’tleavinghertogetstitchesandtakeacabhome.DidIlooklikethekindofjackasswhowould

dothat?“I’llstaywithyou,”Isaidfirmly.

“Really,it’sveryniceofyoutotakeme.ButI’vehadcutsworsethanthisbefore.Idon’tevenneed

stitches.Icanjustfinishupcleaningandheadhome.”

What?Wassheserious?“You’regettingstitches,andI’mtakingyouhome.”Iwasfrustratedandgetting

pissed.Notather.God,whothehellcouldgetpissedatsomeonewholookedlikeher?ButIwaspissed
thatsheseemedtothinkitwasOKnottogetstitches.

Shedidn’targuethistime.Iglancedoverather,andshewassittingstraighter,andherbodywas

leaningtowardthedoorasifshewastryingtogetawayfromme.HadIscaredher?

“Look,Reese,youwerecleaningmysister’shouse,andyougothurt.It’sourresponsibilitytomake

sureyouareproperlytakencareof.I’mnotgoingtoletyoufinishcleaningthehousetodayoreven
tomorrow.Youcancomebackonceyourhandisbetteranditdoesn’thurt.I’llbehereallweek,andI
cleanupaftermyself,unlikemysister.Idon’tneedahousecleaner.”

Shedidn’tlookatme,butshenodded.
ItlookedlikethatwastheonlyresponseIwasgoingtoget.Fine.Shecouldpoutaboutthis,but

seriously,allI’ddonewasdemandthatsheletmetakecareofher.Whatwasherdeal?

Reese

hisdaycouldnotgetanymorehumiliating.Masehadturneduptheradiofortherestoftheridetothe

hospital.Hehadn’tsaidanotherword.Iknewhewaseitherangryorfrustrated.Iwaskeepinghimfroma
woman,butI’dtriedtolethimgo.Hejustwouldn’tlistentome.

OncewewereattheER,hegotmeasodawhilewewaited,eventhoughItoldhimIdidn’tneedone.

Bythetimetheytookmebackforstitches,wehadsaidalloffivewordstoeachother.Iwantedtotell
himtoleaveagainandthatI’dgetacab,butIwasafraidhe’dsnapatme.Ididn’tknowthisman.Ihadno
cluewhathewascapableof.

Whentheyhadgivenmeashot,MasehadheldmyotherhandandtoldmetosqueezeifIneededto.

Whatdidthatevenmean?Washetryingtoeasethepain?Itwasjustashot.Whentheyhadstitchedupmy
gash,whichneededfivestitches,hehadcontinuedtoholdmyhand.

Hehadtoldmejokes.Theywerecorny,butI’dlaughed.Ididn’tthinkanyonehadevertriedtomake

melaughbefore.IknewitwasthefirsttimeI’deverbeentoldajokethatwasn’taboutme.Inschool,I
hadheardenoughjokes,butIhadbeenthebuttofthemall.

Nowhewaspullingupinfrontofmyapartment.Hehadn’tspokentomeduringtheentiredrive.He’d

lookedlikehewasgoingtosaysomethingmorethanonce,buthe’dstoppedhimself.Eventually,he’d
turneduptheradioagain,andIknewthatmeanthewasdonetalkingtome.

Icouldn’tbehurtoverhissilence.Hehadputoffhisdateorgirlfriendtotakemetothehospitaland

getstitches.Duringthewholething,hehadbeensonice—morethanthat,actually,hehadbeenkind.But
nowhismindwasonhissweetheart,thegirlwhowaswaitingforhim.

Ihadbeencalled“babe,”“sugar,”and“hotmomma”inthepast,whichstillmademecringe.Ihadalso

beencalledotherlessdesirablenames,butnever“sweetheart.”Iwonderedwhatthatmustfeellike.To
havesomeonespeaktoyouthatwayandmeanit.Toknowhewasn’tgoingtohurtyou.

Whenheparkedthetruck,IknewIhadtothankhimagainandsendhimonhisway.
“Thanksagainfortakingme,andforthesoda,andfor...for,um,holdingmyhand.Ireallyappreciate

it.I’msorryIruinedyourday.AndI’llbebacktocleanuponSunday.Idon’thaveanotherhousebooked
forthatday.Andyou’releavingthen...right?”

Masesighedandlookedatme.“Yeah,I’mheadinghomeSunday.Atleast,that’stheplanrightnow.But

don’tworryaboutthehouseuntilyourhandisbetter.Nanwon’tbebackforanothermonth.She’sin
Paris.”

Paris.Wow.Icouldn’timaginegoingsomewherelikeParis.IwonderedwhatthisNanlookedlike.If

shewashissister,Iimaginedshewasbeautiful.

“OK,thanks,”Isaidagain,unabletostopthankinghim.Igrabbedmybackpackandopenedthetruck

door.

“Wait.Letmehelpyoudown,”Masesaid,stoppingme.HehaddonethiseverytimeIgotintooroutof

thetruck.Itwasasifhedidn’tthinkIcouldjusthopdownonmyownwithouthurtingmyself.Butthen
again,afterwhathehadwitnessedtoday,heprobablythoughtIwasaklutz.

Hewasinfrontofme,holdingouthishandagainformetotake.Ilethimhelpme,becauseIwassureit

wasthelasttimeI’dseethisman.Hedidn’trealizeit,buthe’dgivenmehope.Andhe’dshownmethat
notallmenwereevil.

Ibitmytonguetokeepfromthankinghimagain.Instead,Ijustnoddedandheadedforapartment1C.
“Reese,”Masecalledout,stoppingmeinmytracks.
Iturnedtolookbackathim.Thesunwassettingbehindhim,andIwassurenothinghadeverbeenquite

thatperfectinallofhistory.

“Youdidn’truinmyday,”wasallhesaidbeforeopeninghistruckdoorandclimbingbackup.
Iwantedtowatchhimdriveaway.ButIdidn’t.

Thenextmorning,myhandwasthrobbing.ButItooktheantibioticandpainmedicinethedoctorhad
givenmeandgotreadyforwork.IhadanotherhousetocleanthatdayinRosemaryBeach.Jimmyhad
gottenmethisone,becausehewasfriendswiththeowners.Iwasn’tabouttolethimdownandcallin
sick.

Jimmywasstandingoutsidemydoorwithtwoto-gocupsofcappuccino,smiling.Hewasn’tjustnice,

hewasgorgeous.Andheknewit.ItwasoddthatIdidn’tthinkofhimasaregularguy,though.Hewas
morelikemyveryfirstgirlfriend.I’dtoldhimthatonce,andhe’dcackledwithlaughter.

Healsohadacappuccinomachineinhisapartment.Iwasbeginningtolovethatmachine.
“Goodmorning,gorgeous.Here’syourwake-upjuice,”hesaid,handingmethecup.Istartedtoreach

foritwithmybadhandandstopped.Iusedmygoodhand,butJimmy’seyeswerealreadylockedonmy
bandagedone.“Girl,whatthehellhappenedtoyou?”

Isighed,hatingtorememberthemessI’dmadeyesterday.“Ifellwhilecleaningawindow,brokea

mirroronthewaydown,andslicedopenmyhand.”Ididn’twanttogivehimdetails.Iheldupthe
bandagedhand.“Fivestitches.Theowner’sbrothergavemearidetothehospital.”

Jimmywinced.“Ouch.Yousureyoucancleanahousetoday?That’sgottohurt.”
“I’mfine.I’llbealittleslower,butyoucanbetIwon’tbestandingonchairsanymoretoclean

windows,”Ijoked.

Hedidn’tgrin,justshookhishead.“Youareonepieceofwork,ReeseEllis.Comeon,let’sgetyour

hotasstotheCarters’.Ialsohaveanumberforyoutocall.BlaireFinlayisaclosefriendofmine,and
she’sinterestedinhiringanewhousecleaner.Theoneshehasnowisretiring,andshewantssomeone
young.She’sgotalittletike.Itwasgettinghardfortheircleanertohandlehismesses.Kid’scuteasa
button,though.”Itookthenumberhehandedme.“Callher.She’sadoll.You’llloveher.”

AnotherjobIwasgettingwithoutusingtheagency.Thiswasgood.Igottokeepalltheincomefrom

clientsIfoundonmyown.“Thanks,Jimmy,”Isaid,tuckingthenumberintomypocket.“I’llcallheronce
myhandisbetter.Idon’twanttoshowupatherhousewithabandagedhand.”

Jimmygrinned,andhisangelfaceshowedevenbrighter.“She’sactuallyHarlowCarter’ssister-in-law,

forallintentsandpurposes.”

Thatdidn’treallymakesense.Whatdidhemean,forallintentsandpurpose?Ifigureditdidn’tmatter.

Besides,IreallylikedMrs.Carter.ShewasthereoftenwhenIcleaned,becauseshehadababy,soIhad
spokentoherseveraltimes.Shealwaystriedtogetmetostopandhavelunchwithher.IwassureI’dbe
happyworkingforhersister-in-law,too.

“Ihavetoworkafund-raiserbenefittonightattheclub.Iwon’tbedoneuntiloneinthemorning.Wish

you’dtakeacabhome.Especiallywiththatbumhandofyours.AftercleaningattheCarters’,you’re
goingtobetired.Andprobablyhurting.”

Wehadthisdiscussioneverydaywhenhehadtoworklate.Healwayswantedmetotakeacabhome,

butwelivedonlyeightmilesfromtheclub,rightoutsideRosemaryBeachandbackafewroadsinland.I
hadwalkedtoschool,thelibrary,andthegrocerystoremyentirelife.Iwasusedtowalkingtogetto
places.IfIwantedtogosomewhere,Ihadtowalk.

Icouldprobablyaffordacarnow,butIcouldn’tpassthewrittentest.Ihadaskedmymothertohelpme

once,andithadbeenaterriblemistake.She’dmadesureIunderstoodthatlazy,stupidpeopleshouldn’t
drivecars.Itwasdangeroustoeveryoneelse.Ihadtriedtwicenowtoreadthestudyguideforthewritten
test,butitwasnouse.Thewordsnevermadesensetome.

WhichwashowIknewthatmymotherandmystepfatherandallthekidsatschoolhadbeenright:I

wasstupid.Ihadtobe.Mybraindidn’tworkthewayeveryoneelse’sdid.Iwastwenty-two,andIstill
wenttothelibraryandgotpicturebooksandtriedtoreadthem.

“IbetHarlowwouldgiveyouarideafterwork,ifyou’djustaskher.Hell,I’llaskher.Peopledon’t

getanysweeterthanHarlowCarter.”

Iwasnotaskinghertodrivemehome.“It’sOK.I’llthinkaboutcallingacab.Ipromise,”Itoldhim,

knowingthatIwouldthinkaboutitbutwouldn’tdoit.

Mase

hadn’tgonetoHarlow’slastnight.I’dgonebacktothehouseandcleaneduptheglass,thencalledand

explainedthatIwasexhausted.Istillhadsleeptocatchupon.ThefewhoursI’dgottenthatmorning
weren’tenough.

WhenI’dwokenuptosilencethismorning,I’dfeltanoddsenseofloss.Whichwasodd,considering

thatReesecouldn’tsingforshit.Ididn’tplanonseeingthegirlagain.EvenifIdidn’tleaveonSunday,I
wouldn’tbeherewhenshegothere.Ihadanurgetofixallherproblems.Whichwasstupid.Shewas
doingfinewithoutme.Butsomethingaboutthosebigeyes...andhell,whowasIkidding?Therewasn’t
apartofherbodythatdidn’tscreamforattention.AndIwantedtogiveherthatattention.

Awomanlikethatshouldhaveaman.Madenosensewhyshedidn’t.
IpulledupoutsideHarlow’sandpushedallthoughtsofReeseoutofmymindsoIcouldmoveonfrom

yesterday.Yes,IthoughtIdeservedamotherfuckingtrophyfornotkissingthoseplumplips,butthatwas
overnow.

Thefrontdoorswungopen,andHarlowcamerunningout,grinninglikealittlegirl.Inmyhead,she’d

alwaysbemybabysister.Icouldstillseeherpigtailsandthegapbetweenhertwofrontteethasshe
smiledupatme.She’dhadfrecklesonhernosebackthen,too.She’dneededmeforalongtime,andI’d
takencareofher.ButGrantCarterdidthatnow.

“You’rehere!”Shesquealedandthrewherselfintomyarms.
Ichuckledatherenthusiasmandheldherinmyarmsasshekissedmycheek.“SorryIdidn’tmakeit

yesterday.Longday,”Isaid,feelingguiltyfornotcomingbylastnight.

“It’sOK.Ihaveafulldayplannedoutforus.LilaKateissleepinginside,andthehousecleanerGrant

insistedweneediscleaningupstairs.Which,bytheway,don’tgetmestartedonthat.Hedidn’tlikethatI
wascleaningwhileLilaKatewassleeping;hethinksIshouldbesleepingwithherandgettingmorerest.
Hedoesn’twantmecleaningthehouse.”Sherolledhereyesasifhewasridiculous.ButIagreedwith
him.Harlowhadaheartconditionthathadalmosttakenherfromus.Thememoryofnearlylosingher
duringchildbirthwasstilltooraw.LilaKatehadbeenseveraldaysoldbeforeHarlowhadopenedher
eyes.

“He’sright,”Irepliedsimply,andHarlowlaughedatme.
“Comeonin.Ihavebrunchready.I’vebeenwatchingtheFoodNetworkwhilegivingLilaKateher

bottleinthemiddleofthenight,soI’vebeenintocookinglately.Itstartedanitch.”

IfollowedHarlowinsideasshechattedhappily.Hearingthejoyinhervoiceandseeingthelove

shininginhereyesmademereallylikeGrantCarter.Iwasn’tsureatfirst,butthedudehadwonmeover.
Hemademylittlesisterhappy.Headoredherthewaysheneededtobeadored.

“I’mbackinside,Reese.Youdon’thavetokeepaneyeonLilaKate.Ihavethemonitorwithme.Thank

you!”Harlowcalledupthestairs.

Justasthename“Reese”wassinkingin,Ilookedupstairstoseethosebaby-bluesstaringdownatme,

allwideandsurprised.Well,shit.Somuchfornotseeingheragain.

“Reese,thisisMase,mybrother.Mase,thisisReese.She’sthebesthousecleanerintheworld.Ihave

Jimmytothankforpointinghermyway.”

Isawhercoverherbandagedhandwithhergoodoneassheforcedatight,nervoussmile.Shewas

workingwithherhandlikethat.Dammit.DidshenotlistentoanythingIhadsaid?Shewassofucking
stubborn.Herstitcheshadtobeburninglikeamotherfucker.

“She’sprettydedicated,too,sinceshe’scleaningyourhousewithfivefreshstitchesinherpalm.Your

paintoleranceisreallyimpressive,Reese,”Isaid.

“What?”Harlowgasped.“Oh!ReesecleansNan’s,too?”HarlowswunghergazeuptoReese.“You’re

cleaningafterslicingyourhandopenyesterday?Whydidn’tyoutellme?Iwouldhaveneverexpected
youtocomeintoday.Youneedtorestyourhand.Youcouldtearitbackopen,”Harlowscoldedher.

IwatchedasReesestraightenedhershouldersandstuckherbandagedhandbehindherback,asifthat

wouldmakeitgoaway.“I’mfine.Really,Iam.Iwokeupthismorning,anditdidn’thurtatall.Well,
maybealittle,butItookmymedicine,anditwasbetter.I’malmostdonewiththeupstairs.Iwon’tbebut
anotherthreehours.”

Harlowshookherhead.“Absolutelynot.Youcomeeatbrunchwithus,andthenMasecandriveyou

home.Idon’twantyoubackhereuntilnextweekattheearliest.Youcan’tworkwithyourhandlikethat.”

IcouldseethefrustrationinReese’sface,butshewasn’tgoingtoarguewithHarlow.“OK.Letmejust

putthefoldedtowelsinyourbathroom,andthenI’llbedown.”

Damn,woman.“Thetowelsarefinewherevertheyare.Harlowcanputhertowelsaway.Come

downstairs.”Itsoundedlikeanorder.Butshewaspushingmypatience.

Shenoddedstifflyandcamedownthestairsslowly.Shewasn’twearingshortstoday.Instead,shehad

onleggingsthatendedjustbelowherknee.Theyhuggedherlikeaglove.Iwishedherdamnshirtwasn’t
sobigsoIcouldseeherassinthosethings.

“I’msorryhesoundssobossy.He’salwaysbeenbossy.It’sthisalpha-malethinghehasgoingon,”

Harlowsaid,asReesestoppedinfrontofus.“Comeon,let’sgoeat.I’mservingsomethingsIjusttried
forthefirsttime.Ican’twaittohearwhaty’allthinkaboutthem.”

IwatchedasHarlowwalkedtothekitchenandwaiteduntilshewasfarenoughaheadbeforelookingat

Reese.“Letmeseeyourhand,”Isaidsoftly,tryingtoeasehertension.ItwasclearImadehernervous
whenIwasfrustrated.

Shestartedtoargue.Icouldseeitinhereyes,butsherelentedandheldoutherhandtome.I

unwrappeditgentlyandtookinthepink,puckeredskin.Itwasn’tinfected,butitwasabusedfrom
cleaning.Sheneededtoputsomeiceandsalveonit.

“I’mgettingyousomeice.Comeon,”Itoldher,holdingherwristandpullinghertowalkinfrontof

me.

“Ireallywishyouwouldn’t.HarlowwillfeelbadthatIcleanedherhousetoday.”
ShewasworriedaboutHarlow.Whydidthisnotsurpriseme?“It’sfine.Harlowwillwantyoutotake

careofyourself.”

Shewalkedintothekitchenandovertothetable,whereHarlowwasmotioningforhertosit.
MyrelaxingvisitwithHarlowhadjustbecomesomethingdifferentaltogether.Iwalkedtothefreezer

andfixedabagofice.HarlowhadsatdownatthetableacrossfromReese,butIcouldfeelhereyeson
me.Mysisterwasreadingmoreintothisthantherewas.

Reese

hiswassoawkward.

Harlowwasthe“sweetheart”hehadtalkedtoyesterday.ThatmuchIhadfiguredout.She’dmentioned

himnotbeingabletomakeittoseeherlastnight.WhichIfeltterribleabout.Andnow,hereIwasagain,
interruptingtheirvisit.Maseobviouslyadoredhissister,andshefeltthesamewayabouthim.Ihadno
siblingsandnocluewhatthatmustfeellike.

“Kirocalledyou?”Maseasked,lookingathissisterbeforetakingabiteofthesandwichonhisplate.
Shesmiledtightlyandnodded.“Yeah.He’shavingahardtimebeingaway.”
“I’msurprisedhemadeitthislong.Yougoingtovisityourmom?”
Harlowfrownedandstareddownatherplate.Somethingwasdefinitelywrong.Didshehavemom

issueslikeIdid?Andhehadsaid“yourmom.”Didtheyhavedifferentmothers?“He’sworriedthatI
couldupsetherwithouthimthere.Hethinksit’sbestformetowaituntilhe’sback.”

Maseletoutanaggravatedgrunt.Hedidn’tseempleasedwithheranswer.Heswunghisgazeoverto

me.“Yougood?Theicehelping?”

Inodded.
“Let’snottalkaboutDadrightnow.It’srudetotalkaboutfamilystuffwhenwehaveaguestwithus,”

Harlowsaid,withasmilethatdidn’tmeethereyes.SomethingMasehadsaidhadbotheredher.

“Yourdadhasacoolname,”Isaid,hopingtoeasesomeofthetensionthathadsuddenlyenteredthe

room.“TheonlyKiroI’veheardofisKiroManning.I’veneverheardofanyoneelsewiththatname.”

HarlowandMaselookedateachother,andthenarealsmilebrokeoutacrossHarlow’sface,andher

eyesdancedwithlaughter.“I’veneverheardofanyoneelsewiththenameKiro,either.Except,ofcourse,
KiroManning.”

Ihadstartedtoagreepolitelywhenherwordsslowlysankin.No...wait.No...
“IguessIdidn’ttellyoumywholenamewhenIintroducedmyself,”Masesaidwithasmile.
OK,wait.Iwrackedmybrain.TherehadbeensomenewsorsomethingaroundthetimeIlefthome

aboutKiroManning’swifeanddaughter.Ididn’talwayshaveaccesstoTVbackthen.

“Youdon’twatchmuchTV,doyou?”Masesaidwithateasinggrin,ashetookadrinkofhissoda.
Iwasn’tabouttoexplaintohimwhyIdidn’twatchmuchTV.Ijustshookmyhead.“No,notmuch,

ever.”

Harlowsighedandthenlaughedsoftly.“Someonewhodoesn’tknowwhoIam,andnowyou’veruined

it,Mase.”

Icouldtellshewasjoking.IjustsmiledandtriedtowrapmyheadaroundthefactthatIwassittingata

tablewithKiroManning’schildren.Inwhatuniversedidthathappen?Theawkwardfeelingskyrocketed,
andIwantednothingmorethantogetaway.Iwasn’tjustinterruptingafamilygathering,Iwas

interruptingalegendaryrockstar’sfamilygathering.Oh,God,thiswassoembarrassing.

Ilookedatbothofthemsittingthere,sonice,withtheireasygoingsmiles.Theyseemedlikeany

normal,happyfamily.Theydidn’tappeartobewhatyouwouldexpectfromarocklegend’skids.

“Ineedtogo.I...myhandisstartingtobotherme,andIleftmymedicineathome.Thankyousomuch

forbrunch,andIpromisetoworkovertimenextweek.Youtwoenjoytherestofyourmeal,andI’llsee
myselfout,”Isaidquickly,beforeeitherofthemcouldinterruptme.ThenIstoodandflashedthemone
moresmilebeforeleavingtheroomascalmlyandquicklyasIcould.

IhadjuststeppedoutsidewhenIfeltalargehandwraparoundmyupperarm.“Notsofast.Youwantto

leave,I’lltakeyou.You’renotwalking.”

Masewasn’tholdingmyarmtightlyenoughtomakemepanic,butthefirmgripcausedmyheartrateto

spike.Ididn’tliketobegrabbed.Imanagedtocontrolmyreaction.“I,uh,fine.OK.Thankyou.”Itwas
exhaustingtoarguewiththisman.Hewasgoingtowin.Imightaswellgivein.

HeseemedpleasedthatIwasn’tgoingtoputupafuss.Hedroppedhishandandplaceditonmyback,

asiftoleadmetowardhistruck.Iwalkedaheadofhimfastenoughsothathishandcouldn’trestagainst
me.Ididn’tliketobetouched.Notlikethat,especially.EventhoughremindingmyselfhowmuchIdidn’t
liketobetouchedwasn’tmakingthewarm,tinglyfeelingonmybackwherehishandhadbeengoaway.It
wasn’tanunpleasantsensation,justanewone.Averynewone.Like,ithadneverhappeneduntilnow.

MaseopenedthetruckdoorbeforeIcouldreachforthehandle,andhetookmyhandtohelpmeup.

Onceagain,Iwasinhistruck,butthistime,Iknewmoreabouthim.Thathewasagood,well-loved
brother.Thatheadoredhissister.ThathewasKiroFreakingManning’sson.

Holycrap,thatwasinsane.
Whenhewasbehindthewheel,Iglancedoverathim.Histall,muscularbodywascoveredinaflannel

shirtandfaded,worn-outjeans.Histhighsfilledthejeansoutwell,andIcouldseethemusclesflex.

“Whenyougethome,putsomeofthatsalveonyourwoundthatwegotyesterday.It’llsoftentheskin

arounditandeasethepain.”

“Iwill,”Iassuredhim.
Henoddedandreachedforsomesunglasseshehadtuckedintothesunvisorandputthemon.Howdid

onelooksexywhileputtingonsunglasses?Untilthatmoment,Iwouldn’thavethoughtitwaspossible.

“DoyouneedtocallJimmyandlethimknowyougotaridehome?”
Ishookmyhead.“No,Iwaswalkinghomeanyway.Hehastoworktonight.”
Masescowled.“Thereiscabservicearoundhere,youknow.”
Ipickedatthebandageandkeptmygazedown.Ididn’twanttogivethismanmylifestorytoexplain

whyacabwaspointless.Ilikedwalking.ItwaswhatI’dalwaysdone.

MasesighedwhenIdidn’trespond.“Areyouworkingtomorrow?”heasked.
Ididn’thaveahousetocleantomorrow.ItwasthedayIwenttothelibraryandexchangedmybooks.I

wouldtakeawalkonthebeachandcleanmyapartmentandbuygroceries.Itwasmytimeforme.“No.I
don’tworktomorrow.”

“Good.”

Mase

wodaysafterItookReesehomefromHarlow’s,Iwasstillwonderingabouther.Worryingabouther

damnhandandherwalkingeverywhere.Iwastryinglikehelltoshakeit.Shewasn’tmyresponsibility.

HarlowhandedmeLilaKateaftersherescuedherfromhercarseat.Iheldthelittlemiraclebabyclose

inmyarms,becauseshewasstillsostinkingtiny.AndthewayGranthoveredoverherlikeshemight
breakmademethinkshejustmight.Iwascareful.

“Youcarryher.I’llgetthediaperbag,”Harlowsaid,reachingforthelargebagfullofLilaKate’s

travelingsupplies.Thebagwasbiggerthanthebaby.

“We’rejustgoingtomeettheFinlaysforlunch.Shereallyneedsallthatstuffforthewholetwohours

we’regone?”Iasked,wonderinghowitwaspossiblethatLilaKaterequiredabagthatbig.

Harlowjustgrinnedandputthestrapoverherarm,thenlockeduptheexpensiveSUVourfatherhad

giventhemwhenLilaKatewasborn.“Let’sgo.”

IfollowedHarlowtowardtheentrance.“Whydidn’twejustusethevalet?”Iasked,thinkingitwould

havebeeneasier.

“BecauseittakesawhiletogetLilaKateandallherstuffloaded.Ihateholdinguptheline.”
Iglancedatthevalet,andtherewasnoonethere.Ididn’tcomment,though.
“Goodafternoon,Mrs.Carter,Mr.Manning,”theguyatthedoorsaid,asheopeneditwideforusto

enter.

Iwasn’tamemberoftheKerringtonClub,butHarlow,Rush,myfather,Rush’sfather,and,ofcourse,

Nanwereallmembers.IthinkpeopleassumedIwas,too.

“Mrs.Carter,Mr.Finlayandhiswifearealreadyseatedinthebackroom.You’vebeengivenprivacy,”

thehostesssaid,beforeweevenreachedher.Wefollowedherthroughthediningroomintoaroomwith
threeglasswallsoverlookingthegulfandtenniscourts.

Blairestoodupimmediatelyandmadeherwaytome.Shewasn’tcomingforme,though.ThatmuchI

knew.

“Givehertome.”Blaireallbutsquealed,holdingoutherarmsforLilaKate.
“Hey,Mase!”NateFinlaysaid,ashestooduponhischairandwavedatme.Thekidlookedmoreand

morelikehisfathereverytimeIsawhim.

“Hey,littleman.”Iwalkedovertogivehimafistbump.
“B’whoaitup.Likedis,”Natesaid.Thenhemadeasoundwithhismouthlikesomethingwas,infact,

blowingup,andopenedhisfist.

“That’sanUncleGrantthing,”Blairesaid,laughing.
ImadesuretoblowitupandtooktheseatacrossfromNateandRush.
RushwasgrinninglikeNatewasthemostentertainingthingintheworld.“Sitintheseat.Nostanding.

Remember,”hecorrectedhim.Nateploppeddown,andRushruffledhishair,thenlookedatme.
“Enjoyingyourvisit?”heasked.

“Yeah.It’sgoodtoseeHarlowdoingsowell.Andhappy.”
Rushnoddedinagreement.“Grant,too.He’salwayssmilingthesedays.”
“GladIdon’tlivehere.Youguyslookhappyandall,butyou’refallinglikedominos.You,Woods,

Grant,andnowTripp.”Ileanedbackandgrinned.“It’sinthewaterhere,soIcan’tstickaroundtoolong.
Notreadyforthatyet.”

RushchuckledandlookedoveratBlaire,whowascooingatLilaKate.Blairewasabeauty.Nodoubt

aboutit.WhenRushhaddecidedtosettledown,hepickedawinner.Butstill,thatwasn’tsomethingI
wanted.Notyet,atleast.Iwasonlytwenty-five.Familylifecouldn’tbeallfuckingroses,thewaythis
bunchmadeitappear.

“Youjusthaven’tmetheryet,”Rushsaid,ashelookedatBlaire.“Whenyoudo,itdoesn’tmatterwhat

youthinknow.She’llbeallyouwantinlife.”

Iwassurehefeltthatway,butIworkedonaranchwithhorsesallday.Notmuchtimeforwomenor

interactionswithfemales.Iwastoobusymakingalivingandbuildingonmyownland.Sure,Ihadneeds.
Iwasaman.ButIhadafriendwhohandledthoseneeds,nostringsattached.Itworkedforus.Cordelia
hadlivedatthenextranchoverformostofmylife.SheandIunderstoodeachother.

“Oh,Rush,she’sperfect.IthinkIwantagirl.I’mnotsurehowmuchlongerIcanwait,”Blairesaid,as

shekissedLilaKate’snose.

“Baby,whenyou’rereadyforanother,I’llmakeitmynumberonegoalinlifetomakethathappen,”he

said,withawinkathiswife.

Blaire’scheeksturnedpink,andshetriedtofrownathimbutfailed.
“Well,lookywhotheygavemetoday.IfigureditmustbeVIPs,sinceIwasgiventhejob,”amale

voicesaid.IturnedtoseehimsmilingatBlaire.HebentoverLilaKate.“Hey,sweetness.Youdon’thave
yourstingydaddyheretoday.Imightgetaturnholdingyou,”hesaid.

“Hey,Jimmy,”Natecalledout,andwaved.Thenheheldouthislittlehandinafist.
Jimmyknewthedrillandblewitupwithhim.“YouwantavanillaCoke,bro?”heaskedNate,who

nodded.“WhatcanIgetfortherestofyou?”Jimmyasked.HewalkedbacktoBlaire,tookherdrink
order,andmadehiswayaroundthetable.

Whenheturnedtoleave,Harlowcalledout,“Jimmy,you’refriendswithReese,right?”
Isnappedmyattentiontomysistertoseewhatshewasabouttosay.She’daskedmeaboutReese

casually,andIknewshehadbeendiggingforthereasonbehindmyhelpingReese.ButIhadendedthat.
OrsoIthought.

Jimmygrinnedbrightly.“She’smyneighborandmynewGameofThroneswatchingbuddy.”
“Isn’tthatthepersonyoumentionedtomeaboutcleaningthehouse?”Blaireasked.
“Yep.That’stheone,”hereplied.
HarlowlookedatBlaire.“She’swonderful.You’llbereallypleasedwithher.”Thenmysisterlooked

backatJimmy.“Iwaswonderingaboutherhand.IsshedoingOK?”

Jimmy’ssmilefell.“She’sdoinggood.Shedidgotoworktoday,though.Icould’vebeathersexyass.

Butshe’sastubbornone.Idon’tthinkshehasanyfamilyatall.Hell,Idon’tthinkshehasfriends.She
toldmeIwasherfirstgirlfriendacoupleofweeksago.Butthenweweresharingabottleofchardonnay,
soitcould’vebeenthewinetalking.Regardless,she’sagoodgirl.Asweetthing.Ican’tfigureoutwhy
she’ssingle.Godknows,everyhotmaninourbuildinghasmadeapassather.Eventhemarriedones.”
Heshookhisheadindisgust.

“That’ssosad,”Blairesaid,lookingcrestfallen.“Beingaloneisn’teasy.I’mgladshehasyou.”
JimmywinkedatBlairebeforeturningandwalkingoutoftheroom.
Therewasaheavyfeelinginmychest.Itriedtoshrugitoffandfocusontheconversationaroundme.

ButthethoughtofReesebeingalonewithnofamilybotheredme.NoonebutJimmywascheckingupon
her.Howwasthatpossible?Thewomancouldstoptrafficwithouttrying.Hell,shehadmarriedmen
hittingonher.

Iwouldwonderifmaybeshewasmoreintogirls,butI’dseenherlookatmybarechest.Iknewbetter.

Shehadn’twantedtolook,butshe’dlookedanyway.

WhenJimmycametocleanupourplates,IsawHarlow’smindworking.Shewasworryingabout

Reese,too.“DoyouknowhowReeseisgettinghometodayafterwork?Areyoudrivingher?”Harlow
askedJimmy.

Hefrownedandstackedanotherplateinhisarms.“No.Shehadasmallerhousetoday.She’sprobably

finishedbynowandheadinghome.”

Harlowturnedtolookatme.“Wouldyougofindherandgiveheraride?LilaKateandIcanstayhere

andhavedessert.”

Iwasalreadystandingbeforeshehadfinishedasking.
“Reeseain’trealgoodwithmen.Theymakehernervous.It’ssweetofyoutosendMase,butshewon’t

justclimbintothecarwithhim,”Jimmysaid,lookingatmewarily.

“It’sOK.SheknowsMase.Hetookhertogetherhandstitchedup,andhetookherhometheotherday

frommyhouse,too,”Harlowassuredhim.

IwatchedJimmy’sfaceasheswunghisgazeuptome.Hiseyeswidened,andhegrinned.“Well,at

leastshe’sgotgoodtaste.Aboutdamntime,”hemumbled.

“IgnoreJimmy.He’saromantic.Hewillmakenothingoutofsomething.Justgogiveheraride.

Please,”Harlowbegged.ShewasworriedthatIwouldn’tgobecauseofJimmy’scomment.

IglancedatJimmy.“Iwanttotalktoyouaboutherwalking.Thatneedstostop.Drivehertoher

houses.Don’tmakeherwalkfromtheclub.”

Jimmy’seyesgotbig,butIdidn’twaitaroundforaresponse.Iknewtherestofthemhadheardme,and

Iknewwhattheywereallthinking.ButIdidn’tcare.Itwasgoingtotakemorethanthattokeepmefrom
goingtoseeReeseagain.Sheneededme.Hell,shejustneededsomebody.AndfuckifIdidn’twanttobe
theretohelpher.

Thiswasmymother’sfault.She’draisedmetobethisway.ThatwastheonlyexcuseIhad.

Reese

didn’tnoticetheexpensive-lookingSUVpullingupbesidemeuntilIheardafamiliardeepvoicecall

myname.IstoppedandlookedoverasMasepulledthecarupbehindme.Ihadn’texpectedtoseehim
again.

Thewaymyheartpickedupitspaceandpumpedwildlyinmycheststartledme.Whatwasitaboutthat

manthatmademefeelthingsIthoughtwereimpossibleforme?

“Getin,”Masesaid,ashewalkedaroundthefrontofthevehicleonhiswaytoopenthepassenger-side

door.

Truthwas,Ididn’twanttoarguewithhim.Hewashere,andIhadachancetobenearhimforafew

minutes.Iwasgoingtotakeit.

Iletmyeyesquicklytakeinhisjeans-cladbottomandthewaythenavy-blueT-shirthewaswearing

clungtohim,unabletohideallthatdefinition.Hishairwaspulledback,butthecurlsattheendsmadethe
strandslookjustmessyandtemptingtobetouched.

Whenhestartedtoturnbackandlookatme,Isnappedtoattentionandhurriedovertohim.“Thanks,”I

said,asIclimbedinside.Hedidn’thelpmethistime,butthen,thiscarwasn’thighlikehistruck.Itwas
Harlow’scar.Iknewitlookedfamiliar,butthebabyseatinthebackwasdefinitelyLilaKate’s.I’dseen
thatbefore.

Maseclosedmydoor,andIwatchedinappreciationofallhismalebeautyashesaunteredaroundthe

frontofthevehicle,tuckingaloosestrandofhairbehindhisear.Thestubblewasbackonhisfacetoday,
andIdecidedIlikedhimbestwhenhehadn’tshaved.

“Youworkedtoday,”hesaid,glancingdownatmyhand.“Yourhandfeelingbetter?”
Itwas.Muchbetter.Ihadn’thadthatmuchtroublewithittoday.I’dwornrubberglovesandhadbeen

abletocleanwithoutitslowingmedown.“Yes,”Ireplied.“Wereyougoingsomewhere?”

Heshookhisheadandpulledbackoutontotheroad.“No.Justfinishedlunchattheclub.Jimmy

mentionedthatyouworkedtodayandthatyouwerewalkinghome,”heexplained.

SoMasehadrunofftocomefindme?Ifhe’dbeengoingtotheCarters’,hewouldhaveturnedafew

blocksback.Mystomachdidaflutterything.

BeforeIcouldthinkofanythingtosaytothat,aphonestartedringing.Maseleanedbackandpulleda

flatsmartphonefromhispocket.

“Hey,everythinggood?”hesaidwhenheanswered,lookingconcerned.“Sure.I’llbebackbythen.I

thinkIcanfititin.Theysayhowlongtheyneedtoboard?”Itriednottolookathisfaceashe
concentratedontheroadandtheconversationhewashaving.“Yeah,giveittome,”hesaid,thenreached
overandopenedtheglovecompartment.“Seeifthere’sapeninthere,Reese.”

Iquicklydidasheaskedandfoundablackpenandhandedittohim.Hepusheditbackatmeand

pickedupapieceofpaperstickingupbetweentheseats.“Here,writethisdown,”hetoldme.

Oh,no.Notthis.
HewouldseewhatIwrote.Anditwashardformetowritethingsdownwhentheyweredictatedto

me.Ihadtoconcentrate.Mylettersgotturnedaround,andIoftenstartedtopanicwhenIfeltpressureto
writewithoutenoughtime.Ihadtobealone,andIneededtofocus.

“Three-three-three,”hestarted,andIquicklywrotedownthenumbers.Icoulddothat.Itwasn’thard.

“BerkleyRoad,”headded,andmyheartbeganpoundingsoloudlyIcouldn’thearanythingelse.“Fort
Worth,”hesaid,beforeIhadevenmanagedtowritetheBorwhatIthoughtwastheB.Myhandswere
shakingsobadlyIwasn’tsureIcouldwriteanythingelse.

Isuckedinadeepbreathandtriedhardtogetmyselfundercontrol.Berkley.IhadtheB.ThenitwasE.

IstartedtowritetheE,anditlookedlikethe3Ihadwrittenbefore.Ipausedandglancedbackatthe3s.
Whydidtheylookalike?

Hisgazewasonme.Acoldsweatbrokeoutallovermybody,andIforcedmyselftokeepgoing.It

wasanRnext.Iblinkedrapidly,asthewordsIhadwrittentwistedandmyheadbegantothrob.

“Textittome,”Iheardhimsay.Iknewhewasn’ttalkingtome.
Iclosedmyeyestightly,wantingnothingmorethantojumpoutofthemovingvehicle.Thiswasnot

happeningtome.IhadlivedherealmostayearwithoutanyoneknowingIwasstupid.Thatstigmahad
beenleftbehind.Ihadusedthespell-checkonJimmy’scomputertofilloutmyapplicationforthe
cleaningservice.

Mygriponthepenhadturnedmyknuckleswhite,andIlookeddownatitthroughthefrustratedtears

gatheringinmyeyes.NowMaseManningknewjusthowstupidIwas.Ofallpeopletohavefiguredthis
out,whydidithavetobehim?Theuniversehatedme.

Mase’slargehandreachedoverandtookthepenfrommygrasp.Ilethimhaveit.Thenhetosseditinto

theglovecompartmentandclosedit.Icouldn’tlookathim.Hewasn’tsayinganything,andIrefusedto
meethisgaze.Iwouldseethepityor,worse,thedisgust.

Thecarstopped,andIsuckedinabreath,thenreachedforthedoorhandle.Iwouldjustbolt.The

chancesofmeseeingthismanagainwereslimtonone.Hedidn’tsayanythingasIclimbedoutofthecar.
Thathurt,eventhoughIwasthankful.Hewasn’topeningmydoorortellingmegood-bye.Hewasjust
lettingmerunawayliketheidiotIwas.

Ididn’tlookbackathimasIdugformyapartmentkeyinmybackpack.
MyhandwasshakingsobadlyIcouldn’tgetthekeyintothelock.Thetearswereblurringmyvision,

andIletoutasoboffrustrationbeforetryingonceagaintoopenmyfrontdoor.

Suddenly,hishandwascoveringmine,andIwatchedashepluckedthekeyfrommyweakgrasp.I

stoodinhorrorandconfusionasheunlockedmydoorandpusheditopen.Whywasheoutofthecar?

Ididn’tmove.Iwasfrozeninmyspot.Thenhishandtouchedmyback,andhegentlynudgedmeinside.

Unabletothinkformyself,Iwent.Hekepthishandonmylowerbackuntilwewerebothinside,andthe
doorclosedsoftlybehindus.He’dfollowedmeinside.Hewasgoingtoaskmequestions.Questionshe
alreadyknewtheanswersto.Ihadproveninthecarhowmybraindidn’tworkright.Hehadseenitfirst-
hand.Ijustneededhimtogoawaynow.

“Whathappened?”hisvoicewasgentleandkind.Therewasnouglinesstohisquestion.Ialmostfelt

safe.Almost.

Mase

ythoughtswereallovertheplaceasItriedlikehelltofigureoutwhathadhappenedinthecar.I’d

neverseenanyonedothatbefore.IthadbeenhardtodriveasIwatchedReesestrugglewithwritingdown
asimpleaddress.Ihadn’trealizedshewashavingaproblemuntilshemadeasoftpanickednoiseinher
throatlikeshecouldn’tbreathe.

Mygazehadgonetoherface,andI’dseenshe’dgonepale.Glancingdownatthepaper,I’dalsoseen

threeEsinsteadofthree3s.HerbackwardBhadbeenenoughformetoknowsomethingwasoff.Shehad
tohaveanexplanation.Onethatmadesense.

“I’mstupid...I...mybraindoesn’tworkright.Iwenttoschoolfortwelveyearsandstilldidn’t

graduate.Ican’tpassatest.Ican’t...Ican’tevenread.Notmuch.”

Holyshit.
Sheliftedherhanduptowipeathertears,andherfulllipswerepuckeredup.Shewasevengorgeous

whenshecried.

“You’renotstupid,”Isaidtightly.Ihatedhearinghercallherselfthat.Somethingwaswrongwithher,

butshewasnotstupid.

Sheletoutasadlaughandcontinuedtowipeawayhertears.“Youmaybethefirstpersonwhoknows

aboutthisanddoesn’tthinkI’mstupid.”

Mybodytensed,andanangrycoiltightenedinmychest.“Didsomeonetellyouthatyouwerestupid?”

Iasked,unabletokeepmyemotionsoutofmyvoice.Iwaspissed.

Shestiffened,thenglancedatmewarily.“Yes¸”sherepliedsoftly.
“Who?”
Shestudiedmeamoment.Atleastmyreactionhadstoppedhertears.
Thosebigeyessuckedyouin,butwiththemallwetandredfromcrying,theyweremorelethal.You

wantedtodowhateverthehellwasneededtomakethemshinewithlaughter.

“Myparents,teachers,otherkids...everyone,”shereplied.“ButIam.Youjustdon’tknow...”She

trailedoff,lookingsoforlornandbroken.Hertonetoldmethatthiswasn’teasyonher.Iwonderedif
anyoneinherlifeknewthis.

“Thenthey’retheidiots.I’vebeenaroundyouenoughtoknowyou’resmart.Youliveonyourownand

haveajob.Astupidpersoncouldn’taccomplishallthat.”

Shefrownedagain,thencrossedherarmsoverherchestasifshewereprotectingherself.
Whatkindofparentsdidthistotheirchild?Shemusthavebeenabreathtakingkid.Thekindpeople

wantedtowatchjusttoseehersmile.Hell,Ievenlikedwhenshepouted.

“Don’ttellanyone,please,”shewhispered,lookingupatme.
DidsheactuallythinkI’ddothat?Iranahandthroughmyhairinfrustration,forgettingthatitwas

pulledbackinaponytail.

Ihadtohelpher.Iwasn’tsurehowIwasgoingtomanagethat,consideringIhadtogobacktoTexasin

twodays.Thathadbeenmystepfatheronthephone.Iwasgettingmorehorsestoboard.AndIneededthe
income.Icouldn’tnotgohomeinordertohandlethis.

“Iwouldneverdothat.ButIwanttohelpyou,”Itoldher,waitingforhertotellmenoandtrytomake

meleave.Instead,herlipspuckeredupagainlikeshewasabouttocry.Shit,whathadIdonenow?

“You’reso...nice.Whyareyousonice?Icleanyoursisters’houses.Youdon’tknowme,notreally.

Butyouopendoorsforme,andyoudon’tactlikeI’manidiot,andyou...wanttohelpme?”Shesaidthe
lastbitonachokedsob.“Noonecanhelpme.Youcan’tfixwhatisn’tthere.Andmybrainjustisn’tall
there.”

Fuckinghell.“Don’tsaythatagain,”Iwarnedher.Iwasdonehearingherdemeanherself.Ihadseen

intelligenceshininginhereyes.“Yourbrainisfine.”

Reese’seyesflashedsomethingIdidn’tunderstand,andthenasmallsmiletuggedonherlipsasshe

sniffled.“You’rereallyaniceman,MaseManning.Idon’tnormallylikemen.They...makemenervous.
Butyou,you’redifferent.”

Myownfuckingemotionsweretoorawforthis.Icouldn’tletmyselfquestionwhyshedidn’ttrustor

likemen.Thehauntedlookinhereyeswhenshe’dadmittedthatsentoffawarningsignIcouldn’tmiss.
Shehadmoresecrets—I’dbetmylifeonit.

Simplefactwas,girlswholookedlikeReeseknewmenwell.Theyhadbeencontrollingthemsince

theyhitpuberty.Mendidn’tfrightenthem.Theyownedmen.Unless...No.Iwasn’tlettingmythoughts
gothererightnow.ButGod,IhopedIwaswrong.

“Ihavetoleaveintwodays.I’mgoingbacktoTexas.I’vegotbusinesstohandle.ButIamgoingto

helpyou.WhenI’mgone,youcancallme,andI’llbetheretolisten.I’mareallygoodfriend.ButIneed
youtopromisemethatwhatIsetupforyou,tohelpyou,you’lldo.Youwilltrustmetoputyouingood
hands.Iwon’tletanyonehurtyou.I’maphonecallaway.”

Iwasn’tsurewhatthehellIwasgoingtodointwodays,butIhadsomeconnections.IwasKiro

Manning’sson,andsometimesthatmeantsomething.Ineveruseditformyself,butI’duseittohelp
Reese.Kirocoulddemandthebest,andReesewasgettingthebest.

Reesetiltedherheadtotheside,andIwonderedagainhowlongherhairwas.Howitlookeddraped

acrosshershoulders.Diditnaturallycurl,orwasitstraight?

“Why?”sheasked
“Whywhat?”
“Whydoyouwanttohelpme?”
Ididn’tevenpause.“Becauseyou’reworthhelping.”

Reese

stoodstaringatthedoorinwonderlongafterMasehadleft.

Ididn’tunderstandwhyhethoughtIwasworthhelping,buthedid.Anunfamiliarfeelingofwarmth

spreadthroughme.Iwasafraidtomove.Ididn’twantthisfeelingtovanish.Ilikedittoomuch.SoI
stoodperfectlystillandenjoyedit.

Iwasstillgrippingmyphoneinmyhand.Hehadtakenitfrommeandaddedhisnumbertomy

contacts.He’deventakenaphotoofthebootshewaswearingsothatitwouldappearonthescreenwhen
hecalled.Iwouldn’thavetoworryabouttryingtoreadhisname.Iwouldknowwhowascalling.

Smiling,IthoughtabouttheselfieJimmyhadtakenwhenhehadaddedhisnumbertomyphone.He’d

beenveryintogettingapictureofhimself.SodifferentfromthepictureofMase’sboots.Ididn’timagine
Masehadevertakenaselfie.

IlikedMaseManning.Ilikedhimalot.EvenmorethanJimmy.Inaverydifferentway.AndIknewthat

wasn’tagoodthing.Masewasnicetome,buthedidn’tlikemethewayIlikedhim.Icouldtellbythe
wayhetreatedme.MaybethatwaswhyIfeltsosafewithhim,becauseIlikedhimthatway.IknewI’d
neverhavetoworryabouthimfeelingthesameway.Hedidn’tevenlivehere,afterall.

Myheartsank.
Shakingmyheadtoclearmythoughts,Iputmyphonedownonthesofaandwalkedtothekitchen.

Gettingworkedupoverthiswassilly.Masewasgoingtotrytohelpme,andalthoughIwasworriedthat
Icouldn’tbehelped,Ihadtohope.Whatifsomeonecouldhelpme?Iwantedtobelievethat.Itwould
changeeverything.Icoulddosomuchmore.IcouldgetmyGED,andmaybeIcouldevengotocollege.

Withanewfounddetermination,Ipickedupmynewestpicturebookfromthelibraryandwenttocurl

uponthesofa.Iwouldgetthroughthisonetoday.Icoulddothis.Masehadfaithinme.Ijustneededmore
faithinmyself.

Threehourslater,Iwasalmostfinishedwithmybook.Myheadached,andmyeyesfeltredandirritated
fromstraining.Theknockonmydoorwasfollowedby“Yoo-hoo,babe,it’sme.Igotpistachioicecream
andtwospoons.”

Smiling,ItuckedthebookawayunderthesofaandwenttoletJimmyin.
HewassmilingalittletoobrightlywhenIopenedthedoor.Holdinguptwospoons,hesashayedinto

theroomasonlyJimmycoulddoandstilllookgood.

Iclosedthedoorandturnedtolookathim.
“I’lladmititnow,”hesaid.“Thisisabribe.IwanttoknowallaboutyourinteractionswithMaseColt

Manning.Everylast,deliciousdetail.Indulgeme,please.Thatmanstarsinseveralofmyfantasies.”

Alaughbubbledupoutofme.Jimmywinkedandsankdownonthesofa.
“Spillit,woman,”heurged.
Iwalkedovertojoinhim.“I’mafraidyou’relookingforjuicyinfothatIdon’thave.Masehasbeena

niceguy.Nothingtofeedyourfantasies,I’mafraid.”

Jimmycockedaneyebrow.“Really?Notonelittlekiss?”
“Uh,no.”Isputtered,surprisedhewouldevenaskmethat.
Hedugintotheicecream.“Thatmakesnosense.Themanisstraight.I’dknowifhewasn’t.Andany

straightsinglemanwouldbeonyoulikewhiteonrice.”Hepausedandletoutasigh.“Damn.That’sit.
Heisn’tsingle.Didn’tthinkaboutthat.Well,crap.Iwassohopingyouwereabouttogetsomeaction
withapieceofGradeAmeat.”

Icringedandlaughedatthesametime,butinmystomach,Ididn’tfeellikelaughing.Ifeltalittlesick.

Ordeflated.TheideaofMasehavingagirlfrienddidn’tsitwellwithme.Itwasn’tlikeIthoughtIhada
chanceorthatIevenwantedachance.Buthemademefeelsafeandnormal.

“Ifiguredyouhadn’tdatedbecauseyouwerepickyandnoonewasuptosnuff.Maseisupto

everyone’ssnuff,soIthoughtyou’dscoredawinner.Suckstoknowthatain’tthecase.Pickingsaround
hereareslim.Thehottiesaregettingtickedoffthelistrapidly.”Jimmytookabigbiteoficecreamlikehe
wastheonewhowasdepressedoverthissituation.

Ihadlostmyappetite.
“Iwassosure,too.HejumpedupbeforeHarlowcouldevengetitoutofhermouthtogofindyouand

driveyouhome.Theboydidn’teventelleveryonegood-bye.Hejustmadesuretotellmethathewanted
medrivingyoutoyourclients.Hedidn’tseemtolikeyouwalking.Thenhebolted.”Jimmywavedhis
spoon.“Wouldhavebetmyleftnuthewashotafteryourass.AndIreallyfuckinglikemynutsrightwhere
theyare.”

Onthatnote,Idecidedtotakeabiteoficecream.
“Thereyougo.Eatthecreamygoodness,andlet’stalkaboutmaybeyouandmedouble-dating.Myman

hasacousinwhoisfine.Helivesaboutanhouraway,butheisprettydamnclosetoGradeA.”Istarted
toopenmymouthtostophim,buthehelduphishandandmadeatuttingsoundatme.“Notsofast.Letme
finishmyhardsellhere.He’sagoodguy.Iknowhim,andIwouldbetherewithyou.Iwouldn’tlet
anythinghappenthatyouweren’tperfectlyOKwith.He’srefined.Ithinkyou’dlikehim.He’sdoinghis
clinicalsrightnow,andhehardlyhastimeforalifeoutsideofthehospital.Whenhedoesgoout,meeting
womenisstillhardforhim.Helikestokeephisworkseparatefromhispersonallife.Soheneedsa
date.”

Adoctor?TherewasnowayIcoulddateamanwhowasthatsmart.Icouldn’tevenreadthedinner

menu.Myhandswouldsweat,andmyvisionwouldblurfrompanic.No,Icouldn’t.ButJimmylookedso
hopeful.Ihatedthis.Ihatednotbeingabletosayyes.Notbeingabletomeetnewpeopleandtrustthatif
theyfoundout,theywouldn’tjudgemeorridiculeme.

“Youneedtodothis,andIwouldberighttherebesideyou.Idon’twanttoknowanythingyoudon’t

wanttosharewithme,butIknowsomethinginyourpastisbadshit.Icanseeitinthewayyoulive.I’ve
beencloseenoughandwatchedyouenough.Everydamnstraightmaninthisapartmentbuildinghastried
togetyourattention.Youfleelikethebatsofhellareonyourheels.Soyouaren’thidingitfromme.Isee
you.AndIthinkwhateverisinyourpastthat’sscrewingupthepresentneedstobelaidtorest.I’myour
friend,Reese.Let’sdothistogether.”

Thiswastoomuch.Twopeopleinonedaywantingtohelpme.Andbothofthemmen.AspeciesI

thoughtI’dnevertrust.

“OK,”Isaid,realizingIhadtofigurethisoutsomehow.Masehadmademebravetoday.Hemightnot

knowhiswordshadbeenasalvetomywoundedsoul,buttheyhadbeen.“ButIneedtoknowwhere

we’regoingtoeatbeforewego.”Iwasn’tgoingtoexplainwhy.Icouldn’tdothatrightnow.Notyet.

Jimmybeamedatmeandnodded.“Icandothat.Hell,youcanevenpicktheplace.Justsoyou’llgo.”
Icouldlookuptherestaurant’swebsiteandprintacopyofthemenu.ThenIcouldfigureoutsomething

onittoorder.IfIwasintheprivacyofmyapartmentandalone,Icouldfocus.Maybe.

Mase

nephonecalltoKiro,andIhadanappointmentthenextdaywithapsychologistwithaPhDinlearning

disabilitiesonlyanhourandahalffromRosemaryBeach.Themanstooduptoshakemyhandfrom
behindhiswide,cluttereddeskafterpushinghisglassesbackuphisnosefromwheretheyhadslipped.
Hedidn’tseemverythrilledaboutourmeeting.Anannoyedfurrowsatbetweenhiswhiteeyebrows,
givinghimapinchedlook.

“Youmustknowpeopleinhighplaces,Mr.Manning.I,asyoucanimagine,amabusyman,andmy

coursesarecomingtotheendofthesemester.”

AsIhadguessed,hewasn’thappyaboutthis.KnowingKiro,he’dcalledthepresidentoftheuniversity

wherethisguytaughtandhadhimorderDr.HenryHornbreckertomeetwithmetoday.“I’msorrythat
I’vecomeduringabadtimeforyou.Ileavetowntomorrow,andthere’ssomebusinessIneedhandled
beforeIgobacktoTexas.”

Theman’stimewasobviouslyimportant,soIwasn’tgoingtowasteit.Ipulledthepieceofpaper

ReesehadleftcrumpleduponthefloorboardofHarlow’sMercedeswhenshescrambledoutinapanic.
EverytimeIlookedatit,Irememberedherstruggle,anditmadesomethinginsidemeache.

Ihandedhimthepaper.“IhadaskedthepersonwhowrotethistowritedownThree-three-three

BerkleyRoad.Ifthatpersonisanadultaroundtheageoftwenty-twoandstruggledtowritethismuch,
whatdoyouthinkthatmeans?Whywouldshewritethat?Andwhywoulditbesodifficultandsendher
intoapanic?”

Thedoctorfrowneddownatthepaper.“Twenty-two,yousay?”heasked.
“Yes,sir,”Ireplied.
“Areyouaskingmeforyouorforher?Surelyatwenty-two-year-oldwhosuffersthisseverelyhas

alreadybeendiagnosedinschoolorasachildandknowswhatherproblemis.”

Heknewwhattheproblemwas.Myheartspedup.“No,shedoesn’tknow.Shecouldn’tfinishhigh

school.Shecan’tpasstests.She’sbeentoldshe’s...stupid.Butshe’snot.Notatall.”

Thedoctormutteredacurseandsatbackdowninhischair,lookingatthepaperI’dgivenhim.“I

thoughtthatbythisdayandage,ourpublicschoolsystemsweremoreadeptatlabelinganddealingwith
learningdisabilities.Especiallyoneascommonasdyslexia.Tellme,doessheread?”

Dyslexia.Fuckme.
I’dknownsomeonewithdyslexiainschool.Hehadspecialclassesandatutorwhohelpedhimevery

day.Heendedupgraduatingwithhonors.NoonehadhelpedReese,andithadbeenthissimple.Alump
formedinmythroat,andIpressedmyfistintomythighs.Anger,relief,andfrustrationallcoursedthrough
meatonce.

“No,shecan’tread,”Ireplied.“Shetries,butshestruggles.Ineedtogetherhelp.Someonewhocan

helpherreadandwrite.Shestrugglesdailywiththingsthataresosimpletoeveryoneelse,andshethinks
it’sbecauseherbrainisn’tallthere.Iwillpaywhateverprice.”Fuck,Iwantedtoroarinprotest.Itwas
pureinjustice.Andneglect.

“IknowaprofessorinPanamaCity.Heisyounger,butthisisaconditionthatisnearanddeartohis

heart.Hisfathersufferedfromthesamethinganddidn’tlearntoreadorwriteuntilhewasfiftyyearsold.
AstorMunroehashadseveraladultcasesthathaveendedsuccessfully.Heevenworksataschoolfor
dyslexiainalessfortunateneighborhoodprobono,severalafternoonsaweek.Iwillgivehimacalland
havehimcontactyouassoonaspossible.”

Aman.Reesedidn’tdowellaroundmen.“Isthereafemalewhocandothesamething?Menmakeher

nervous.”

Henryfrowned.“Idon’tknowoffhandofawomaninthatareawhocanhelpwithsomeonewhosuffers

asseverelyorhasbeenasneglectedasyourfriend.ButIassureyou,Dr.Munroeisaniceman.He’llset
heratease.”

MaybeshewouldletJimmygowithher.Shetrustedhim.Fuck,Ineededtostay.ButIcouldn’t.Mylife

andresponsibilitieswerebackinTexas.Ihaddonethismuch.NowitwasuptoReesetotakethenext
step.Icouldn’tforceher.

“OK,”Isaid.“Thankyou,sir.Iappreciateyourtakingthetimetomeetwithme.”
Henodded,nolongerlookingasannoyedashehadwhenIarrived.“She’llneedtestingtoconfirmmy

diagnosis,butfromwhatyou’vetoldmeandwhatthissays”—heheldupthepaperI’dgivenhim—“it’s
dyslexia.”Hereachedforapadandapenandslidthemtome.“Givemeherinfoandyours.I’llhaveDr.
Munroecontactyoueitherlatertodayortomorrow,dependingonhisschedule.”

Reesewasgoingtohaveachance.Iwasgoingtogiveherone.

IwaitedtocallReeseuntilIhadheardfromAstorMunroe.TwiceIhadcaughtmyselfabouttotexther
whenIrealizedshewouldn’tbeabletoreadatextortextmeback,soIstoppedmyself.Instead,Ispent
therestofmydayandeveningwithHarlow,Grant,andLilaKateatthebeach,thenwentbacktoNan’sto
packmythings.IneededtoleaveassoonasIgotthecallfromtheprofessor.

Beforetenthenextmorning,AstorMunroecalledmeandsaidhewasveryinterestedinhelpingReese.

Heevensoundedexcitedandintriguedbyhersituation.Hispricewasn’tcheap,butheexplainedthathe
wasfittingherintoaverytightschedule.HeaskedmequestionsthatIdidn’tknowtheanswersto.She
hadsharedverylittleofherpastwithme.IgavehimhercontactinformationandtoldhimIwouldbe
goingtotalktohertoday.IhopedshewouldcalltheprofessoronherownafterIleft,butifhedidn’thear
fromherintwodays’time,heassuredme,hewouldgiveheracall.

ReesewashomewhenIcalledhertoaskifIcouldstopbytotalk.NowhereIwas,backather

apartmentdoor,hopingshewouldtakethischanceanduseit.Icouldn’tdoanymorethanthis.EvenifI
wantedtostayandholdherhand,thatwasn’tpossible.Ihadhorsesandaranchtogetbackhometo.

Reeseopenedthedooronthefirstknockandsmiledshylyatmebeforesteppingbacktoletmein.Her

hairwasdowntoday.Long,dark,silkylayershunghalfwaydownherbackinsoftwaves.Ithadcurl.
Damn,thatwasbetterthanI’dimagined.Ihadtoclearmythroattocalmmyinstantlust.

“Ilikeyourhairdown,”Iblurtedout,beforeIcouldstopmyself.
Reese’scheeksturnedpink,andapleasedsmiletouchedherlips.Someonehadtohavetoldherthat

before.“Thankyou,”sherepliedsoftly.

Isteppedinsideandtoremygazeoffherlonglegs,oncompletedisplayinthoseshorts.Eventhe

brightlystripedsocksthatcamehalfwayuphercalvesdidn’tdetractfromthoselegsofhers.

“CanIgetyousomethingtodrink?”Hervoicewaveredlikeshewasnervous.

“Uh,yeah,thanks,”Ireplied,knowingthatIdidn’thavetimetodrinkanything.Ineededtogiveherthe

detailsandgettotheairport.

Shestartedwalkingtothelittlecorneroftheroomthatwasherkitchen.“Ihaveorangejuice,andIjust

madesomelemonade.SorryIdon’thavealargeselection,”shesaid,glancingbackatme.

“Lemonadesoundsgood.”
ShebeamedlikeitpleasedherthatIwantedtotryherlemonade.Iwatchedasshepulleddownaglass

fromtheopenshelvesshehadinsteadofactualcabinets.Everythingwasneatlyarranged.Thefood
shelveswereevenorganized.Ineededhertocometomyplaceanddomycabinets.Theywereafucking
nightmaretofindanythingin.

Iceclinkedintheglass,andIshiftedmygazebacktoher.Shepouredmesomelemonade,thenputthe

pitcherbackintothenarrowfridge.Therecouldn’tbemuchroominthatthing.

“Whenyouwereinschool,didanyoneevermentionthatyoucouldbedyslexic?”Iasked,asshe

broughtmethedrink.

Shepausedinmid-step.Thenshecontinuedwalkingtowardme.“No,butI’veheardofthat.Ijustdon’t

knowwhatitis,exactly.”

Itooktheglassandsatdownonthechairacrossfromthesofa.“ThespecialistImetwithyesterday

believesthatiswhatyousufferfrom.Dyslexiadoesnotmeanyouareinanywaylessintelligentthan
otherpeople.I’vebeenputincontactwithaprofessorwhohasaPhDinlearningdisorders.He
specializesindyslexia.He’swillingtoworkwithyoufreeofchargeafterhearingaboutyourproblems.
Hisfatheralsowasneverdiagnosedanddidn’tlearntoreadandwriteuntilhewasfiftyyearsold.Thisis
apassionofhisnow.Hewantstohelppeople.Hewantstohelpyou.”

Reesesankdownontothesofa,lookingatmewithmanyemotionscrossingherface.Butthedominant

onewasfear.Ididn’twanthertobescaredofthis.Iwantedtogiveherhope.

“Tellmewhatyou’rethinking,”Iencouragedher.
Shegrippedherhandstightlyinherlap.“What—whatifwefindoutthat’snotit,andyouwenttoall

thistrouble.Imightjustbestu—”

“Don’tletmehearyoucallyourselfthatagain.Itinfuriatesme,Reese.I’mserious.Youarethefarthest

thingfromthat.Ipromiseyou.Andifthat’snotyourproblem,Dr.Munroewillfindoutwhatitis.Thisis
alearningdisability.Itcanbeconquered.”

Sheclosedhereyestightlyandtookadeepbreath.Icouldseeherwantingtohopeforthis.Ijusthadto

persuadehertoreachoutandtakeit.“Hecanfigureoutwhatmyproblemisifitisn’tdyslexia?”she
asked,lookingatmewiththosewidebaby-blueeyesthatdidthingstomychest.

“Yes.Hecan.”
Sheletoutasmalllaugh,thencoveredhermouthasasobbrokefree.Iwasn’tsureifIshouldcomfort

herorwaititout,butthenshestoodupandlaunchedherselfatme.Herarmscircledmyneckasshe
slammedagainstme.Allthatcinnamonsweetnessengulfedmysenses.“Thankyou...Idon’tevenknow.
..that’snotevenenough.Ican’tfindtherightwords.Butjust...thankyou,”shesaid,assheletout
anothersob,stillholdingontightlytome.

Igentlywrappedmyarmsaroundherandtriedlikehellnottothinkabouthowgoodhertitsfelt

pressedupagainstme.Shewasemotionalandthankingme;Iwasnotgoingtotakeadvantageofthis.
“You’rewelcome.I’mgladyou’rewillingtodothis.Ithinkyou’reboundforgreatthings,Reese.Youjust
neededsomeonetogiveyoualiftup.”

Shepulledbacktolookatmeandgivemeawaterysmile,thenburiedherforeheadinmychest.“I

can’tbelieveyou.Idon’tknowwhyyouwantedtohelpmeorwhatIdidtodeservethis.Iwokeyouup
singing,andIknowmysingingishorribleandwasprobablyveryloud.AndIbrokeyourmirrorandmade
amessthatIhaven’tevencleanedupyet,andIbledonyou.Ijustdon’tknowwhyallthatledtoyou
doingsomethinglikethisforme.Butthankyou.”Shebarelystoppedforabreathassheletoutallher

feelingsagainstmychest.

Smiling,Ireachedoutandtouchedherhair.IhadbeenfightingtheurgesinceI’dwalkedinandseen

thatitwasdown.JustasI’dimagined,itwassilky.“Youbrokemysister’smirror,andIdon’tmuchcare
forNan.Besides,shecanaffordtoreplaceit.Youneverbledonme,justthefloor,andI’vecleanedup
thatmess.It’slonggone.Asforyoursinging,yes,it’shorrible.Butthere’ssomethingaboutyou,Reese,
thatmakesmewanttoeasethatlostlookinyoureyes.”

Shewentverystillinmyarms,thenloosenedherholdonmeandpulledbacktolookatmebeforeshe

unlatchedherselffromaroundmyneckandmovedaway,butonlybyafewinches.Agrintuggedather
lips.“Mysingingishorrible,isn’tit?”Thenshelaughed.“God,IwassoembarrassedwhenIturned
aroundandsawyoustandingthere.”Sheshookherhead.“IcancookbetterthanIsing.Ipromise.CanI
makeyoudinnertonight?Iwanttodosomethingforyou.”

NeverhadIbeenupsetaboutgettingnewhorsestoboard.Ilikedmoney,andIneededhorsestokeep

theranchrunning.ButdamnedifIwasn’tresentingthemrightaboutnow.“Ihavetogo,”Itoldher.

Thelightinhereyesdimmedbutonlyforamoment.“That’sright.YouhavetogetbacktoTexas.I

forgot.”

Inodded.“Ihavetogettotheairportrightaway.”
Istoodup,andshebackedaway,givingusmorespace.Ididn’twanthertobackup.Shetookthat

cinnamonandsugarsmellwithher.

“Dr.Munroehasyournumber,buthereishiscontactinformation.Callhim.He’sexpectingyoutocall

him.Hewillonlycallyouifyoudon’t.”

Shetookthepaperinmyhandandnodded.“Iwill.Today,”shereplied.
“Good.”Ineededtoleave,buthereIstood,staringather.
“Thankyou,again.Really.Imaysaythisamillionmoretimes.”Hereyeswerebrightwithnewunshed

tears.

“Youdon’thavetodothat.ButI’dlikeforyoutocallmeafteryourmeetingwithhim.Iwillbecurious

abouthowthingsgo.Keepmeupdated.”

Shebeamedatme.“Yes.Icandothat.”
Withonelastlookather,Iheadedforthedoor.IhadtogetoutofherebeforeIreachedoutandpulled

thatshinyhairbackovertomesoIcouldsmellhercinnamonscentandgettangledinallthosesilky
locks.

“Becareful,”shecalledouttome.
Iopenedherdoor,thenglancedbackatherandwinked.“Always.”

Reese

ydoubledatehadtobepostponed.WehadsetitforThursday,butThursdaywasthefirsteveningthatI

couldmeetwithDr.Munroe.IthoughtaboutcallingMaseandtellinghimthatIhadcalledtheprofessor
andsetupmyfirstmeeting,buthehadsaidtocallhimaftermymeeting.Ididn’twanttobughim.

Soinstead,Istaredatthephotoofhisbootsalotonmyphone.
IhadacrushonMaseManning.Itwasn’tmyfirstcrush.I’dhadacoupleinhighschool,butIsoon

foundoutthatthoseguyswereflirtingwithmeonlywhennoonewasaround.Whentheysawmeinthe
halls,theyignoredme.Iwasinvisibletothemunlesstheygotmealone.Thosecrushesdiedquickly,andI
stoppedpayingattentiontocuteguys.Mysenioryear,thecaptainofthecheerleadingsquadcaughther
boyfriendcorneringmeoutsideandgotfurious.Heneverspoketomeagain,whichwasarelief,butthen,
shortlyafterward,theentireschoolwastalkingaboutmebeingalesbian.

Ididn’tfigurethatwasabadthing.Iwasn’tintogirls.EspeciallythemeanvipersIwenttoschool

with,butIsurewasn’tintoanyoftheguysthere,either.SoIletthemcallmenames,andIignoredthem.
Eventually,theymovedontosomeoneelsewhorespondedtotheircruelty.

Needlesstosay,ithadbeenawhilesinceIhadactuallyhadareal,honest-to-Godcrushonaguy.My

stepfatherhadmadesurethatIkeptmenawayatafootballfield’slength.Icringedthinkingoftheman
whohadtakenmyinnocenceandtaintedmeforlife.

ShovingallthoughtsconcerningMaseaside,Iwenttotakeashower.Memoriesofhowmystepfather

alwayssentmetoscrubmybodycleanunderthehottestwaterIcouldstandpoppedintomyhead,butat
leastInolongerthrewupwhenIthoughtofhim.Iwasgettingdistancefrommyterriblepast.Iwas
improving.

Wednesdayevening,myphonerangjustasIpulledthelasagnaI’dmadeoutoftheoven.Ihadmadean

entirepanofit,hopingthatJimmymightwanttocomeoverandeat.Buthe’dcalledmeataroundthreeto
letmeknowhewasgoingoutthatnightsinceI’dbailedonourdouble-datenight.Hewasonmeabout
givinghimanothernightthatwouldwork,butIcouldn’tseemtomustertheinterest.Rightnow,Iwasvery
focusedonlearningtoread.

SoIkeptcomingupwithexcusesforwhyIcouldn’tgo.
Idroppedmyovenmittandwenttopickupmyphone.MyheartstartedracingwhenIsawthecowboy

bootsonmyscreen.ItwasMase.

“Hello,”Isaidonthethirdring.
“Hey.Youhaven’tcalledme.”Hisdeepvoicecameoverthephone,andmytoescurledintothecarpet.
“Oh,well,Idon’tgotomyfirstmeetinguntiltomorrow,”Iexplained,reallythankfulthathecouldn’t

seethesillygrinonmyfacerightthen.

“Good.Youhaveonescheduled.Didyoulikehimwhenyouspoketohimonthephone?”

Iwalkedoverandsatdowninthechairhehadsatinbeforeheleftandpulledmyfeetupunderme.

“Yes.Hewasverynice.Heseemedeagertomeetwithme.Heaskedmeseveralquestions,andafter
hearingmyanswers,hesaidhewaspositivethatIdo,infact,havedyslexia.”Ihadwantedtodance
aroundtheroomwhenhe’dtoldmethat.

“I’llbeavailabletomorrowevening.Callmewhenit’sover.Iwanttoheareverything.”
Thefactthathecaredsomuchmademylittlecrushpulseandgrowevenmore.Havingacrushon

someonelikeMaseManningwasridiculous.Heprobablyhadaworldofwomenwithcrushesonhim.He
washelpingme,anditwouldmakehimuncomfortabletoknowhowIfelt.

“OK.I’llcall,”Iassuredhim.
“Good.I’vegottogo.I’mhavingdinneratmyparents’.I’lltalktoyoutomorrownight.”
“OK,’bye,”Ireplied.
Droppingmyphoneintomylap,Ifeltlikeclappingandsquealing.Butinstead,Igotupandwentto

enjoysomelasagna.

AstorMunroewasnotwhatIhadbeenexpecting.WhenIthoughtofaprofessor,Iimaginedamanwith
silverinhishairandpossiblyglasses.Maybeevenalittlepotbellyunderhisbutton-upstarchedshirt.

WhatIhadn’texpectedwasamanofaboutthirty-five,withatall,lankybody,wearingapairofblue

jeans,Niketennisshoes,andashort-sleevedpoloshirt.Hewasn’thandsome,exactly,butthen,Iwas
comparinghimwithMase,andthatwasn’texactlyfair.Iwouldn’twanttobecomparedwithHarlow.
Theywerethebeautifulpeople.SoIshouldn’tdothattoDr.Munroe.

Hissoftbrowneyeswerekind.Hedidn’tmakemenervousatall.ThemomentIwalkedintohisoffice,

hestoodupand,withaneasysmile,invitedmetohaveaseat.Aftereveryquestionandrequest,he
assuredmethatitwasalltohelpmelearn.ItwasobviousthathewasexcitedaboutthechallengeI
presentedtohim.Hesharedthestoryofhisfather’sstruggle,andIwasinaweofhow,attwenty-one
yearsold,Dr.Munroehadtaughthisfathertoconquersomethinghehadbeendealingwithhiswholelife.

ButwhenIgotuptoleave,hemadeacommentIdidn’tunderstand.Ithoughtaboutitonthecabride

backhome,whilethefemaledriverchattedonabouthergrandkidsandhowgoodherchickenand
dumplingswere.

WhenIhadthankedhimforfittingmeintohisschedulesoquickly,hehadsaidIhadMr.Manningto

thankforthat.

Questionwas,whatdidthatmean?HadMasedonesomethingtogethimtoactsoswiftly?Andifso,

what?

Mase

exttimesomeoneknockedonmydoor,Iwasgoingtocheckoutthewindowfirstbeforeopeningit.I

hadbeenwaitingforReese’scallwhenI’dmadethemistakeofansweringaknockatthedoor.Cordelia,
myfriendwithbenefits,camestruttinginwearingherskintightjeansandahaltercroptop.Herboots
clickedonthehardwoodfloor,andshesmirkedatmeasshemovedtowardmybedroom.

“Youhaven’tcalled,andIneedagoodfuck,”sheholleredoverhershoulder,beforepullingthehalter

topoffandtossingitatmewithalaugh.

Mycockdidn’teventwitch.Shit.
Ihadhopedthis...thingIwasfeelingaboutReesewasn’tmorethanjustafriendshipthing.Butfuck

me,allIcouldseewaswhatwaswrongwithCordelia.Forstarters,herbellybuttonwaspierced.Iused
tothinkthatwassexy,butnowitseemedshewastryingtoohard.Andherhipsdidn’tflare.Whenshe
swayedthosenonexistenthips,therewasnoniceroundnesstoherass.Itwashardlythere.

Thiswasn’tgoingtowork.I’dbeenfriendswithCordeliaforyears.Twoyearsago,wehadgotten

drunkandslepttogether,soinsteadofmakingthingsawkward,we’dagreedthatitwasOK.We’dscratch
eachother’sitchwhenweneededto.Onlyoncehadweputahalttoit,whenshe’dgottenseriousfor
aboutfourmonthswithaguywhoturnedouttobemarried.She’dendedit,andwe’dgonebacktoourold
ways.

Ididn’tdateoften.Iwasn’tavailableenoughforfemales.Theywereneedy,andafteracoupleoffailed

relationships,IhaddecidedthatsexwithCordeliawasthefixIneeded.Butthingsseemedoffnow.
Somethinghadchanged.

Anditwasme.
Dammit.Ididn’thavetimeforthis.
“Youshouldhavecalled,”Itoldher,tossingherhaltertopbackather.
Shedidn’tgrabitbutletitfalltothegroundatherfeet.Theconfusedfrownonherfacedidn’tbode

well.“Inevercall.Ijustshowup.Sameforyou,”sheremindedme.

“I’mwaitingforaphonecall.It’simportant.Ican’ttonight.”
Shecuppedhertitsinherhandsandpinchedthepinknipples.“Youtellingmeaphonecallisbetter

thanthis?”

Iknewwomenwellenoughnottotellherthetruth.SoIshrugged.“Tonight’snotgonnawork.I’mnot

surewhenwillwork.I’vegotabusyweekaheadofme.”Incasethesefeelingsthatwerescrewingwith
myheadwhereReesewasconcernedfaded,Ididn’twanttoendthingswithCordelia.Shewasafriend,
too.

Shereacheddownandsnatcheduphertopandjerkeditbackon.“Fine.Beanass.Iwon’tbeback,so

ifyouwantit,youhavetocomeandgetit,”shesaidangrily.

Oh,man.Thiswasn’twhyIscrewedaroundwithher.Cordeliadidn’tdodrama.Shewaseasyto

handle.Thiswasdrama.Ihateddrama.

“Sorry,Cord.Ireallyam.ButIhavealotgoingonrightnow.It’sjustnotagoodtimeforme.Mentally,

I’mnotinthegame.”

Sheglaredatmeandslammedthedoorbehindher.
Withanyluck,she’dsleeponthisandbeoverittomorrow.IlikedCordelia.Ijustneverlikedherfor

morethanafriend.Thesexthingwasjustbetterthanjackingoffalone.Ineededtoapologizetoher,but
fornow,Iwasgladshe’dleftwithouttoomuchofafuss.

Myphonerang.Suddenly,Ididn’tcareaboutCordeliaanymore.
“Hey,”Isaid,asIheldthephonetomyear,anxioustohearReesetellmeabouthermeeting.
“Ihopeit’snottoolate.TherewasawreckonThirty-OneA,andtrafficwasbackedup.”Hersoft

voicewarmedmethroughthephone.

“No,it’snottoolate.Whodroveyou?”
“Itookacab.There’saladyJimmyknowswholivesnearPanamaCity.She’sbeenworkingthisstrip

ofthebeachforabouttwentyyears.Wedon’thavemanytaxisaroundhere.”

Shehadbeenwithalady.Thatmademefeelbetter.Astrangemandrivingherwouldhavemadeher

uncomfortable.Ihadn’tthoughtaboutthat.Ikeptforgettingthatshedidn’thaveacar.Wait...“Reese,can
youdrive?”Ifshecouldn’tread,sheneverwouldhavepassedherwrittentesttogetalicense.

“No,”sheanswered.
Anotherthingthathadhinderedherlife.“NexttimeI’mintown,I’mtakingyououtonabackroadand

givingyoulessons.We’llstudythewrittentest,too.”

Shewassilentamoment.Iwonderedifshewasscaredtogetbehindawheel.ThenIfinallyheardher

shufflearound.“OK.I’dlikethat.”

Iwould,too.“Tellmeaboutyourmeeting.”
“Dr.Munroewasnice.He’sveryexcitedabouthelpingme.Itooksometests,andI’mdefinitely

dyslexic.That’sit.That’sallthat’swrongwithme.Hesaidmyteachersormyparentsshouldhavecaught
itwhenIwasakid,butsomehowitwasoverlookedormisdiagnosed...”Shetrailedoff.Ididn’twant
herthoughtsgoingthere.Someonehadtoldhershewasstupid,andIknewherparentswerepartofthat.

“Whendoyoustartworkingwithhim?”
“Mondayafternoons,hehastocometoGraytonBeach,whichisn’ttoofarfromhere.Hismotherlives

there,andhehasdinnerwithher.Hesaidwecouldmeetatthelibraryintown.Then,onThursday
afternoons,Ihavetogotohisofficetodolessons.HethinksI’llreadquicklyoncehehelpsmelearnhow
tofocusonthewords.NoonehasworkedwithmebeforethewayIneed.”

Shewasexcited.Asshecontinued,shegotlouderandtalkedfaster.Itwascute.Icouldimagineher

blueeyestwinklingwithhappiness.

“Bythetimeyoucomeback,Imightbeabletoreadtoyou,”shesaid,andthenIheardhernervous

laughlikeshehadn’tmeanttosaythatoutloud.

“WhywaituntilIvisit?Youcanreadtomeonthephonewhenyoucalltotellmeaboutyourlessons.”
Shewasquietagain,andIletherplaywiththatideaamoment.Ididn’twanttomakeherskittish.ButI

didwanthertobecomfortablewithme.Evenonthephone.“Youwantmetocallaftermylessons?”she
asked.

“OfcourseIdo.Ifthat’sOK.I’dliketoknowhowthingsgo.”
“Yes,that’sfine.I’m...Iwilldothat.AndwhenI’mbraveenough,I’llreadtoyou.”

Reese

ortwoweeks,IwenttomylessonsandcalledMaseafterward.Bythefourthlesson,IrealizedthatI

wasmoreexcitedabouthearingMase’svoicethanIwasaboutmyactuallessons.Andthatwassayinga
lot,becauseIlovedmylessons.IlovedhowstrongIfeltasIlearnedtofocusonwordsanddecipher
whatthingssaid.

Iwouldneverbeafastoravidreader.Dr.Munroehadtoldmenottoletthatgetmedown.Reading

wouldneverbemystrongpoint,butIwouldbeabletodoit.Thiswouldn’tholdmebackfromdriving,
goingtocollege,orfillingoutjobapplicationsanymore.

Atthebeginningofourthirdweek,IwasallsettomeetDr.Munroeatthelibraryintown.Hewas

goingtosendmehomewithabooktopracticeon.Thelasttwobookshehadgivenmewereverysimple,
oneortwowordsapage,picturebooks.Ihadreadthoseinfiveminuteseachbymynextlesson.Hewas
goingtogivemesomethingmorecomplicatedtonight.Iwaspreparingmyselfforit.Icoulddoit.

ThenIwouldgettocallMaseafterwardandtellhimaboutmylessons.

LilaKatewokeupfromhernapandcriedout,andImovedfromthestairswhereIwasdustingtocallfor
Harlow,butshewasalreadycomingrunningaroundthecornerwithagrinonherface.Shekeptababy-
monitordeviceonherwhenevershewasn’twithLilaKate.I’dforgottenaboutthat.

“SheletmefinishthecookiesIwasmakingforGrant,”Harlowsaid,asshepassedmeonthestairs.

“Whentheycool,whydon’tyoutakeabreakandhavecookiesandmilkwithme?”

Harlowalwaysaskedmethingslikethis.Shedidn’tignoremethewaymyotherclientsdid,andshe

didn’tlookdownhernosewhenshespoketome.Instead,sheactedlikeIwasherpartner.She
appreciatedmyhelp,eventhoughshewaspayingmetodoit.

“Iwouldlikethat,andthanksforasking,butIhavetomeetsomeonetonight.Ineedtofinishupandget

hometocleanupbeforeIgo,”IwishedIdidn’thavetodeclinetheoffer.Ihadskippedbreakfastandwas
hungry.

Harlowbeamedatme.“Well,Icanfixthat.Youhavemilkandcookieswithme,andI’llgiveyoualift

home.You’llbebackmuchsoonerwitharide.Anddon’ttellmeno.Youturnedmedownlastweek,and
mybrothercalledtomakesureIgaveyouaride.Iexplainedthatyouwouldn’tletme,andheblamedme.
Sofromnowon,I’mdrivingyou.Noarguments.”SheturnedandhurriedafterLilaKate,whowasnow
cryingloudersinceshe’dheardHarlow’svoice.

Ittookmeamomenttosteadymyself.IpressedmyhandstomywarmcheeksandwishedIhadn’t

blushed.Masehadcalledtoseeifshewasdrivingmehome.HewasthinkingaboutmeasidefromwhenI

calledhim.ThecrazygrinthatwasstucktomyfaceeverytimeIthoughtofMasewasback.

WhenIhadstarteddustingthestepsagain,Harlowreappearedatthetopofthemholdingawide-eyed,

smilingLilaKate.Shewashappynowthatshehadhermommy.Thelittlegirlcouldlightuparoom.

“LilaKateisexpectingyouforcookiesandmilk,too.Soyoucan’tturnherdown.Nooneisallowedto

tellherno.Justaskherdaddy,”Harlowsaid,startingdownthesteps.“Let’sgoenjoyourbreak,”

Iwasn’tgoingtoargue.Itwouldberude,and,well,ifMasewantedhertogivemealiftsobadlythat

hewascallingtobugher,Iwasn’ttellingherno.Besides,Ireallywashungry.

TheCarters’kitchenremindedmeofsomethingfromasitcom.Itwaswarmandlived-in,butno

expensehadbeenspared.HarlowplacedLilaKateinherswing,whichsatlookingoutthebaywindow
intothebackyard.“Youswingandwatchthebirds,andI’llgetyourbottleready,”shetoldherdaughter,
asifthebabyunderstoodwhatshewassaying.Thensheturnedtome.“Icanmakeyoucoffeeifyou
preferit.Ican’tdrinkcoffeeunlessit’sdecaf,andthenIcanonlyhavealittle.ButIdohaveithere.Grant
drinksit.”

Milksoundedjustfinetome.“Ilikemilk,”Ireplied.“CanIhelpyou?”
“Justsitdownandtakeabreather.You’vebeenworkingforhoursnonstop.Youshouldtakelunch

breaks.”

Iwasn’tsupposedtotakebreakslongerthanfifteenminuteseverytwohourswiththeagency.AndIhad

foundoutthatmostofthepeopleIcleanedfordidn’tliketoseemetakeabreak.Iftheywerehome,then
theywantedmetoworkuntilIwasdone.SoIdid.

TheCarters’housewasdifferentinmanyways.Thatwasoneofthem.Itwasalsomyfavoritebecause

Igottowatchahappy,normalfamily.Itwasn’tsomethingIhadseenbefore.ThewayHarlowadoredher
daughtermademesmile,buttherewasalwaysapanginmychestforwhatIdidn’thave.Forwhatmy
motherchosenevertogiveme.Love.

GrantCarterwasbreathtakingwhenheheldhisdaughter.Orevenwhenhesawherfromacrossa

room.Hisentirefacewasfullofloveandcompletedevotion.Therewasnoquestioninanyone’smind
thathewouldprotecthislittlegirlatallcosts.Ihadcaughtmyselfwonderingmorethanonceifmyreal
fatherwouldhavebeenthatway.Didheevenknowaboutme?

IshookoffthethoughtagainandfocusedontheCarters.Iwouldn’tthinkaboutmyfamilyormypast.It

wouldonlyleadmetoadepressedstate.Iworkedhardnottospendtimedwellingonthosethings.

Thishousewasahome.Itwasahappy,safeplace.EventhoughitwasoneofthesmallerhousesI

cleaned,itwasstilltheoneIlookedforwardtoeveryweek.

Harlowplacedaglassofmilkandaplatewithtwobigchocolatechipcookiesinfrontofme.“Here

yougo,”shesaid,andplacedthesamethinginfrontoftheseatacrossfromme.“I’lltrytosneakalittle
beforeLilaKateremembersit’stimetoeat.Herbottlewillbereadyinafewminutesanyway.Itneedsto
warmup.”Shesatdown.

“Thesesmelldelicious,”Itoldher,hopingthatwasagoodexcusefordevouringthem.Iwaseven

hungrierthanI’dthought,andthesmellwasgoingtomakeithardtotakelittle,delicatebites.

“Theyshouldbe.It’smygrandmother’srecipe.Shemadethebestcookies,”Harlowreplied.“Grant

lovesthem.”

AsI’dpredicted,Iendedupeatingthefirstoneinthreebites.Harlowwasgrinningasshewatchedme.

Shewasalsochewingawayhappily,sothatmadeitlessembarrassing.Butthesecookieswereseriously
yummy.

“HaveyouspokenwithmybrothersincehewentbacktoTexas?”Harlowasked,surprisingme.
Inodded,wonderingifIshouldgivehermoreinformation.DidMasewantherknowingthatheandI

weretalking?Shemightthinkitwasaboutsomethingelseandgetthewrongidea.Ifeltcomfortablewith
Harlow,buttellingherthatIhaddyslexiawasanotherthing.HowwouldIexplainhowIhadmadeitthis
farnotbeingabletoreadandwritewithoutgettingintotheotherdetailsofmypast?

“Heseems...concernedaboutyou.Maseistheprotectivesort,butIcan’trememberhimbeingquite

soconcernedaboutsomeonewhowasn’tfamily.Untilyou.”Asmiletuggedatthecornersofherlips.

Oh,no.Shewasgettingthewrongidea.IfIdidn’texplainthistoher,shewouldsaysomethingtoMase,

andIdidn’twantthat.Hehadbeensohelpful,andIowedhimthis.Besides,itwasn’tsomethingtobe
ashamedof.Astorhadtoldmethatseveraltimes.He’devenhadmerepeatafterhim,“Iamnotlessthan.I
havenothingtobeashamedof.Iamasmart,capableperson.”

Rememberingthosewords,Iputthesecondcookiebackonthelittlechinaplate.ImetHarlow’s

curiousgaze.“IcallMaseaftermylessonswithDr.Munroe.”Ipausedforabeat.“I...Ihavedyslexia,
anduntilMasefoundDr.Munroe,Ididn’tknowwhyIcouldn’treadandwrite.Wordsaresodifficultfor
me.Yourbrothertookthefirststepandfoundaspecialistwhopointedmeintherightdirection.He’sjust
helpingmebecausehe’sagoodman.”

Harlow’sgazestayedonmeforseveralseconds,andIhadtodropmyeyestothecookiewaiting

beforeme.Ididn’twanthertoreadwhatIcouldn’thideonmyface.

Mase

“I

t’sawoman,”Majorsaid,asheopenedmyfridgeandgrabbedabeer.“Iknowthesigns.Youcantry

toshitmewithwhateverhogwashyouwannaspew,butI’vebeenthere,dude.”

Majorwasbecomingapaininmyass.Hewasmystepfather’snephew,andI’dbeenraisedwithhimas

mycousin.Althoughweweren’trelatedbyblood,itdidn’tseemtomatter.Ihadneededhishelptoday
withthehorses,butIwasreadyforhimtoleavenow.Reesewouldbecallingsoon.AndMajorwasthe
lastpersonIwantedherewhenshecalled.

“We’redonefortheday.Takethebeerandgohome.I’mgettingashower,thenhittingthesack.I’m

beat.”Iwalkedpastthekitchenandtowardmybedroom.

“Rightthere.Thatis.Bull.Shit,”hecalledafterme.“Womanbullshit.Seenit.Knowit.”
Ihatedhowclosehewastothetruth.Reesewasonmymindmostoftheday,everydamnday.Ilooked

forwardtohercallswaymorethanIshould.Butdamn,hervoicemademesmile.Hearinghowexcited
shewasoverherprogressalsogottome.“Leave,”Ifiredback,andslammedthebedroomdoorbehind
me.

Ihadstartedpullingoffmybootswhenmycousindecidedtobangonmydoor.“Whoisit?Can’tbe

Cordelia.You’dhavedonemorethantapthatassyearsagoifyouwantedher.She’smorethanavailable.
Wait...RosemaryBeach.Youmetsomeonethere,didn’tyou?Richbabe?Gotcash?Gotasister?No,
wait,Idon’twanthersister.Istillwantagoatyourhotsinglesister.”

God,couldhebeanymoreannoying?“Goon,Major.I’mnotgivingyouanything.Thereisnowoman.

Leaveandletmeshowerinpeace.Fuckingpest.”

Major’slaughterfilteredthroughthedoor.“Thoudothprotesttoomuch.”Heslappedthedoorone

moretime.“Fine.Belikethat.Butyou’lladmititsoonenough.OrI’llfigurethisshitout.”

Ididn’trespondtohim.Iwaiteduntilhisfootstepshadmovedtowardthefrontdoor.Whenthedoor

openedandclosed,Iletoutasighofrelief.Glancingattheclock,IsawthatIhadforty-fiveminutes
beforeshewasduetocall.Icouldshowerandgrabsomethingtoeat.

IfMajorknewaboutReese,he’dsaysomethingtomymother.ThenI’dneverheartheendofit.Iloved

mymom,butshewouldaskquestions.Iwasn’treadytoanswerquestions.Iwasn’tevensurewherethis
wasgoingwithReese.DenyingthatIwasattractedtoherwaspointless.Ihadadmittedthattomyself.

Hell,I’dbeenthinkingaboutthefreckleunderherasssincethefirstmomentIsawher.Butitwasmore

thanjustlustnow.IlikedReese.Ilikedthewomanshewasinside.Atfirst,I’dbeenafraiditwaspityand
thatmyemotionswerewrappedupinfeelingsorryforherandwantingtohelpher.

Ididn’tthinkthatanymore.Reesedidn’twantpity.Shedidn’trequireit.Shewastough.Muchtougher

thanIhadgivenhercreditfor.Irespectedherabilitytorollwiththepunchesoflifeandkeepfighting.
Withabodylikehers,shecouldhaveusedthoseassetstofollowanotherpathinlife.Onewhereher

lookspaidthebills.Butshehadn’tdonethat.Instead,sheworkedhardcleaninghouses,andshewas
proudofherjob.

TherewasmuchmoretoReesethanIhadfirstassumed.SomuchmorethanIcouldhaveexpected.And

shewasgettingtome,slowlyreelingmein,andshedidn’tevenrealizeit.ButIhadtofacethefactthat
shemightnotwantthat.ItwasverylikelythatReesewasn’tinterestedinmeforanythingmorethan
friendship.

Maybethatwasforthebest.Forstarters,welivedseveralstatesawayfromeachother.Thatinitself

wasanissue.Anditwasn’tlikeshewouldupandmovejusttodateme,andmovingmyranchto
RosemaryBeachwasimpossible.Ihadajobandafuturehere.

Steppingintotheshower,IdecidedthatIwouldn’tthinkaboutthatnow.Therewasnopoint.This

neededtobetakenslowly.Myfantasiesaboutherwouldremainjustthat.

Thirtyminuteslater,myphonerangasIwasstandingonmyfrontporchfinishingabeer,stillthinking
abouther.

“Hey,”Isaid,asIansweredonthefirstring.
“Hey.I’mearlierthanusual.Ihopethat’sOK.”Shesoundedexcited.
Ismiled.“Yeah.That’sfine.Iwasn’tdoinganythingbutwaitingforyoutocallanyway.”
“Oh,”washeronlyresponse.
“Howdidtonightgo?”Iasked.AstorMunroewasalsogivingmefullreportsonceaweekviae-mail.

HehadagreednottomentionthefactthatIwaspayinghimtohelpReese.Ididn’tthinkshewouldbeas
willingtoworkwithhimifsheknew.Iwantedhermindcompletelyfreeofanydistractionsfrom
learning.

“Great.Ireadhimachapterofthebookhehadgivenmelastweek.Itwasn’tapicturebook.Itwasmy

firstchapterbook.Iwasn’tfastoranything,butIreaditwithoutpanickingorgettingawordwrong.Ialso
tookaspellingtest.ThefirstoneI’veeverpassedinmylife,”sheadded,soundinggiddy.Theideaof
neverbeingabletopassaspellingtestslicedmealittleinside.Ihatedthinkingaboutthelittlegirlwho
hadstruggledandbeenignored.

“That’samazing.I’msoproudofyou,butthen,Iknewyoucoulddoit.Neverdoubtedyou,”Iassured

her.“I’mstillwaitingforyoutobebraveenoughtoreadtome.”

Thatalwaysmadehergosilentonme.Shewasstillscaredtoreadtome,butdammit,Iwantedherto

trustme.Iwantedhertofeelcomfortablewithit.KnowingshereadforAstormademejealousofthe
man.Whichwasridiculousbuttrue.

Istartedtoassureherthatshedidn’thavetoifshewasn’tready,butshespokefirst.
“OK.Um,letmegogetthebookIreadtonight,”shesaidsoftly.
Maybeitwasselfishtoletherdothiswhenshewasobviouslysonervous,butIwantedthisbad.“I’m

honored,”Iadmitted.

Asoftlaughcameoverthephone.“Ikeeptellingmyselfyou’veheardmesing,andmyreadingisn’tas

badasthat,soIcandothis.”

Onlythiswomancouldmakemegrinlikeafooloverthedamnphone.“Thisistrue,”Iagreed,

teasingly.

Shelaughedagain.“It’snotadeepreadoranything.Tellmewhenyou’vehadenough.Myfeelings

won’tbehurt.Thismayboreyoutodeath.”

I’dletherreadthewholebookifshewould.“Iwill.Readtome.”
Forthenextthirtyminutes,Isettledintotherockingchaironmyfrontporchwithmylegsproppedon

uptherailingandlistenedtoReese’ssweetvoicereadingtomeoverthephone.Sheonlygothungupa

fewtimes,andIhelpedherquicklysoshewouldn’tgetnervousandstoponme.

ItwasthebestthirtyminutesI’dhadallweek.

Reese

ftermyfirsttimereadingtoMase,ourtwice-a-weekphonecallsbecameanightlything.Onthedays

whenIdidn’tgotomylessons,Masecalledme.Hewantedmetoreadtohimbeforehewenttobed.I
wonderedhowmuchhereallywantedtohearmeread.Ihadafeelinghewastryingtogetmetopractice
withhim.ThiswashiswayofmakingsurethatIgotcomfortablereadinginfrontofpeople.

Hearinghisvoiceatnightbeforebedwascomforting.ItwasoddhoweasilyIdriftedofftosleeponce

Ihadtalkedtohim.Healwaysendedthecallswith“Goodnightandsweetdreams.”Asifmybodywasat
hiscommand,Ihadexactlythat.Eachnightwasgood,andmydreamswerealwaysofhim.Sotheywere
verysweet.

GettingcontrolovermygrowingaffectionforthismanwassomethingIneededtodo,andfast.Mase

wasafriend.Oneofthebestagirlcouldhave.Ididn’twanttomessthatupforanything.AndifImade
himuncomfortable,thiscouldallend.Thatwastoodepressingtoconsider.

“EarthtoReese.I’maskingyouaquestion.Wheredidyougo?”Jimmysatdownacrossfrommeonthe

sofa.

Hisvisitwasunexpected,buthe’dcomewithicecreamagain,andIcouldn’tkickhimout.Butmy

phonewouldringsoon,andIwantedJimmytobegonewhenthathappened.Ididn’twanttotellMasethat
Icouldn’ttalk.

“Sorry.Iwasthinkingaboutstuff.Ignoreme.I’mtired.”
Jimmycockedaneyebrowasifhedidn’tbelieveme.“Really?Tootiredforrockyroad?”
No.Iwasn’ttootiredforrockyroad.IwastooexcitedabouthearingMase’svoiceforrockyroad.“Of

coursenot.”Itookthespoonhe’dstuckintothecontainerformeandtookabigbite.

“Easy,girl.Brainfreezeisabitch,”Jimmywarned.
Smiling,Isilentlyagreedandtookmytimebeforeanotherbite.
“Nextweekend.I’mnotwaitinganymore.Youaregoingoutwiththedoctor.It’sadoubledate.You

pickthenight.FridayorSaturday.Becauseitishappening.I’mdonewaitingforyou.”

Crap.Hewasn’tlettingthisgo.Hementioneditatleastonceaweek.Ihadbeenavoidinganswering.
Butmaybethiswasagoodthing.IwassofocusedonMase,andthatcouldn’tbegood.IfIdated,I

mightbeabletodistractmyself.Thatseemedhighlyunlikely,butatleastifMasewasgettingtheideathat
Iwasinterestedinhim,thiswouldthrowhimoff.Hewouldn’thavetoworryaboutmyaffectionforhim.
Andthatmeanthewouldn’tstopcallingme.

“Fridaynightwouldbebest.”
Jimmybeamedandpunchedafistintotheair.“Yes!Victory!Score!”
BeforeIcouldrespond,myphonerang,andIglanceddownatmylaptoseethecowboybootsonmy

screen.IpickeditupbeforeJimmysawit.“Thisisimportant.It’saboutaclassI’mthinkingoftaking.

Canwefinishthistomorrow,maybe?”

Helookedcurious,butIknewthepleadinglookIwasgivinghimwouldbeenoughtogethimtoleave.

Thephonestoppedringingbutimmediatelyrangagain,andIanswereditbeforeitstopped.“Hey,giveme
justaminute,”ItoldMase,thenstooduptoopenthedoorforJimmy,whowaswatchingmewitheven
moreopencuriositynow.

“Idon’tbelieveyou,butI’llletitslide,”Jimmywhispered,waggingafingeratme.
Iclosedthedoorandbreathedasighofrelief.“Sorry.Jimmywashere.He’sgonenow,”Iexplained.
“DidIinterruptanything?”
“Onlyrockyroadicecreamandanosyfriend.”
Hechuckled.“Youcouldhavetoldmeyouwereenjoyingsomeicecreamwithhim.I’dhavecalled

backlater.”

Oh,no,Icouldn’t.Notwhenmydayrevolvedaroundthesephonecallsfromhim.“That’sOK.We

werefinished,”Ilied.

Thesoundoftiressquealingrattledtheapartment,andbeforeIcouldfigureoutwhatwasgoingon

outside,agunshotrangout.Ifroze.Icouldn’tmove.Surelythatwasn’twhatIhadheard.Maybethecar
backfired.Thiswasasafearea;itwaswhyIhadchosenthisapartment.

Aseriesofshotsrangout,andIfelltomykneesbehindthechairinfrontofme.Screamsechoedinthe

streets,andforthefirsttime,Iregrettedbeingonthefirstfloor.Ifeltcompletelyopenandvulnerable,
unabletogettosafety.

“Reese,areyouOK?”Maseshoutedoverthephone.Irealizedhe’dbeenaskingoverandover,butI

wastooshockedforhisvoicetoregister.

Myhandwascoveringmymouth,andIwonderedifIhadscreamed.Myeyesweregluedtothe

window,whilethescreamingoutsidecontinued.Someoneneededtocallthecops.Me.Ineededto.Oh,
God.

“Ineedtocallthepolice.Therearegunshotsoutsideandscreaming.Ihavetocallandgethelp,”Itold

him,notwantingtohangup.Iwasterrified,andknowingthatMasewasonthephonegavemesome
comfort.Eventhoughhecoulddonothing.

“Fuck!Getontheground.Lieflatbehindyoursofa.Don’tmoveoranswerthedoor.Callthecopsnow.

Thencallmeback,”Maseordered,thenendedthecall.

Myhandswereshakingasanothergunshotsounded.Voiceswereyellingunintelligiblewordsalong

withthescreaming.Icrawledovertothesofaandlayflatbehindit,thentriedtocall911asthepanicset
in.Thenumbersonmyphonebegantoshiftandblur.Tearsoffrustrationfilledmyeyes.

MybodyjerkedasIsobbed,tryingtofigureoutwherethe9was,butthenthepolicesirensjoinedthe

noiseoutside,andbluelightsflashedthroughmywindow.Idroppedmyphoneontothecarpetand
coveredmyfacewithmyhands.

Takingdeepbreathstocalmdown,Ilistenedasmoresirensjoinedthescene,followedbyan

ambulance.ButIdidn’tmove.Notonce.

Ilaythereasthescreamingstopped,buttherewasstillyelling,andpeoplewerecrying.Iwasafraidto

move,eventhoughIknewthepolicewereoutsidenow.

Aknocksoundedonmydoor,andIfroze.“Police,”aloudvoicecalledout.
Police.Atmydoor.Oh,God.Ihadtogetup.Mylegswereshakinghorribly,andmyheartwasstill

racing.

Theknockcameagain.“Police!”hecalledoutagain.
Igrabbedthedoorknobandlookedthroughthepeephole.Therewasindeedanofficeratmydoor.His

determinedscowlonlyterrifiedmemore,ifthatwaspossible.

Openingthedoor,Istaredattheman.
Heflashedmehisbadge.“OfficerMilton,ma’am.Ineedtoaskyouafewquestions.”

Me?Whyme?Inoddedandforcedmyselftotakeabreath.
“Didyouseeanything?”heasked,standingthereasthelightsflashedandthesirenswhinedbehindhim.

Someonewascoveredwithaplasticsheet.Bileroseupmythroat,andIsqueezedthedoorknobtokeep
fromfallingwhenmykneeswentweak.

“Oh,God,”Imanagedtowhisper.
“DoyouknowMelanieandJacobSanders?Theylivethreedoorsdownfromyou.”
Ishookmyheadno.Ididn’tknowanyonewholivedaroundme.ExceptJimmy.Ihadkeptmyself

closedofffromeveryoneelse.Butthreedoorsdown,therewasamarriedcouple.Ihadmetthehusband,
unfortunately.Hehadgivenmethecreeps.Ihadbeenwalkingtothecaroneday,andhe’dwhistledand
calledmyass“luscious.”

“Idon’tknowthem.IonlyknowJimmy...JimmyMorrison.HelivesinapartmenttwoD.Hewasjust

herebefore...Oh,God!Jimmywasjusthere.Hehadtowalktothestairstogetbacktohisapartment.It
happenedrightafterheleft.”

Thecop’sexpressionsoftened.“JimmyMorrisonisfine.He’stheonewhocalledinthedisturbance.

Hesawmostofithappenandiscurrentlygivinghisstatement.Heknewthevictim.”

Myphonewasringing.Masewascallingmeback.
“Ifyourememberanything,pleasecalltheoffice.Jimmywillhaveconfirmedthathe’djustleftyour

apartment.Ifhedoesn’t,wewillbebacktotalktoyou.Idoneedyourname,fortherecord.”

“ReeseEllis,”Ireplied,asmyphonestoppedringingandstartedbackupagain.
“Thankyou,MissEllis.”
Inoddedandclosedthedoorasthecopwalkedtothenextdoor.Ibolteditbeforeansweringmyphone.

“Thecopswerehere,”ItoldMase.“Theyaskedmeafewquestions.”

“You’reOK.”Heletoutasighofrelief.
“Yes.Jimmysawit.He’swiththepolicenow,givinghisstatement.I’mnottotallysurewhathappened;

thepolicedidn’teventellmewhothevictimwas,butamarriedcoupleafewdoorsdownwereinvolved
somehow.AllIdidwasheartheshotsandthescreams.Nothingmore.ButJimmywasoutthere.Hecould
havebeenshot.”

“Buthewasn’t.Don’tthinkaboutthat,”Masesaidinafirmvoice.
Inodded,eventhoughhecouldn’tseeme.Hewasright.Ididn’tneedtodwellonsomethingthatdidn’t

happen.

“Didyoulockyourdoor?”heasked.
“Yes,it’sbolted.”
“WhenJimmyisdonewiththecops,he’llcometellyouwhathappened.Justsitdownandrelax.I’ll

talktoyouuntilthen.You’regoingtobefine.Iknowyou’reupsetandscared.”

Justhearinghisvoicecalmedme.Isatdownonthesofaandwatchedthelightscontinuetoflash

outside.

“Readtome,Reese.Itwilltakeyourmindoffthis.”
Iwasn’tsureIcould.MyvisionhadtotallyblurredwhenIwasupsetearlier.Focusingdidn’twork

whenyouwerepanicking.“Idon’tknowifIcan,”Iadmitted.

“Justtry,”hesaidgently.
BecauseIwantedtopleasehim.Itried.

Mase

isteningtohersoftvoicewastheonlythingthatcouldcalmmedown.Iwasstandingonmyfrontporch

withmybootsonandmykeysinmyhand.Whenshehadn’tcalledmebackandwouldn’tanswerher
phone,I’dbeenreadytogoafterher.

Ifshehadn’tansweredthatlastring,IwasgoingtocallGrantandRushtocheckonher,andthenIwas

goingtoaskmyfathertoorderaprivatejetimmediatelyandflymyasstoRosemaryBeach.Hell,my
kneeshadalmostbuckledwithreliefwhenshe’dfinallyansweredthephone.IwantedJimmytogethis
asstoherandtellherwhathappenedsoshewouldknow.Andsoshewouldn’tbealone.

Butuntilthen,Iwasn’tlettinghergo.Fuck,Iwouldn’tlethergoonceJimmygotthere.Iwasseriously

closetocallingRushandGranttostaywithheruntilIcouldgetthere.

Shewasstrugglingmoretonightthanshehadinweeksasshereadtome.Ihatedthethoughtofher

beingscaredandalone.Ialsohatedthefactthatshelivedinthatapartmentbyherself.Itwasn’tsafe.This
provedthat.

“Jimmy’satthedoor,”shesaid.
“Iwanttohearwhathehastosay,”Itoldher.Ididn’twantherhanginguponme.
“OK.I’lljust,um,setthephonedown.”
Iwaitedassheopenedthedoor.JimmyaskedherifshewasOK,anditsoundedlikehewashugging

her.SheletoutasmallsobandaskedhimifhewasOK.Thenhewasassuringherthathewasfine.

“Whathappened?”Reeseaskedhim.
“Idon’tknowthefullstory.WhenIwasheadedtothestairs,Iheardwheelsscreech,andthenIheard

JacobscreamingatMelaniethatshewasaslut.Melaniebegancallinghimnames,too,andthenhejust
pulledoutagunfromhiswaistbandandshotather.Shetookoffrunningandscreaming,andIwastrying
franticallytodialnine-one-onewhenthesecondroundwentoff.Isaw...”Jimmypaused.“Ineedtosit
down.Shit,I’mgonnaneedastiffdrinktonight.”

“Youdon’tneedtobealone,”Reesetoldhim.
“Mymanisonhisway.He’llholdmetonight,”Jimmyreplied.
“Good.”
Thatdidn’thelpme.Ididn’tliketheideaofReesebeingalonetonight,either.Ialsofuckinghatedthat

shewasonthefirstfloor.Itwasdangerousdownthere.

“Isawhergodown.Shejustcrumpledtotheground.Therewasapoolofbloodaroundher,andshe

wasn’tmoving.Itwasn’tthesmartthingtodo,butIwentrunningtowardher.Andthenthebastardfiredat
me.Hemissedandtookoff,butIdon’tknowifI’lleverbeabletogetthatimageoutofmyheadofagun
pointedatme.”

Shit.

“Oh,no,Jimmy!”
“Theguyinherapartmentthatshe’dbeenhavinganaffairwithtookoffrunninginhisunderwearlikea

punk-ass.Thecopscaughthim,though.Hedidn’tgetfar.Hewasscaredshitless.TheygotJacob,too.He
stuckaroundtoolong,thenranhiscarintoaditchgoingtoofastaroundacurve.Thecopsgothimashe
wasrunningawayfromthecar.Thisplacewasafuckingcircus.Peopleopeningtheirdoorsand
screamingandyelling.Noonewastryingtohelp;theywerejustpanicking.Hejust...killedher.Shot
herdead.Damnpsycho.They’dbeenmarriedforthreeyears.”

“That’sawful.”Reese’svoicewasoff.Shewasupset.Andhewasgoingtofuckingleaveheraloneby

herselfwhilehecuddledupwithhisboyfriend?

“I’vegottogogetashowerandsometequila.Anythingtowashthisshitoutofmyhead.Youstay

boltedup.You’llbesafe,though.Thecopswillbealloverthisscenemostofthenight.It’sfine.Butif
youneedme,justcall.”

IheardReesestandupandfollowhimtothedoor.“I’mgladyou’reOK,”shesaid,andhervoice

cracked.

“Ah,girl.I’mfine,”heassuredher.“Justfucked-upintheheadafterwatchingthat.Iwasn’tcloseto

Melanie.Hardlyknewher,butdamn,itdoesn’tmatter.Seeingapersondieistragic.Sofuckingtragic.”

Theysaidtheirgood-byes,andIcouldhearReeselockingthedoorastheboltslidintoplace.
“Hey.Didyouheareverything?”sheaskedme.Therewasatightnessinhervoice.Likeshewastrying

nottocry.

“Yeah.That’smessedup.Butitwasn’tarandomactofviolence.Sonooneiscomingbacktofireany

moreshots.You’resafe,”Iassuredher.

Shedidn’treplyrightaway.Iwonderedifshewasafraidtosleepnow.Afterallthat,sheneeded

someonetobetherewithherandholdher.

“Gogetreadyforbed.Laythephonedown.I’llwait.Thentakemetobedwithyou.I’llberighthereat

yourear.Wecantalkuntilyoufallasleep.OK?”

“OK...youdon’tminddoingthat?”
Iwasn’tgoingtobeabletosleeptonight.I’dbeworriedabouther.Butshedidn’tneedtoknowthat.“I

wantto.Now,gogetreadyforbed.I’llwait.”

“Thankyou,”shewhispered.
WhileshegotreadyIputthephoneonspeakerandslippeditintomypocket,thenheadedinside.Iput

mybeercanintotherecyclingbucketandwashedupafewitemsinmysink.

OnceIhadthatdone,Iwenttomyroom.IbrushedmyteethandstrippedofftheclothesI’dthrownon

whenIhadbeenterrifiedforReeseandreadytogoafterher.ThenIcrawledintobed.Withinminutes,her
voicecamebackontheline.

“I’mback,”shesaid,andIcouldhearthecoversrustling.
Iputonehandbehindmyheadandlayonmyback,staringattheceilingfaninmyroom.Imagesof

Reeseinherbedwereaffectingme.Ishouldhavefeltreallydamnguiltyaboutit,butIcouldn’thelpit.

“Youwanttoreadtomesomemore?”Iasked,tryingtothinkofanythingtosaytogetmymindoffwhat

shewaswearing.

“No...notreally.Mybrainistootiredtoread,”shesaid.Shewasmovingaroundagain.Icouldhear

themuffledsoundsofhersheets.

“Whatdoyouweartosleep?”Iaskedher,beforeIcouldstopmyself.Ihadtoknow.Itwasdrivingme

crazy.

Sheletoutalittlelaugh.“Nothingspecial.Justcutoffsweatpantsandatanktop.It’ssoftandold,andI

lovetosleepinit.”

Ireallywantedtoseethatsoft,oldtanktoponher.Theimageinmyheadwaswreakinghavocwithmy

dick.Ithadstirredtolife.ButIhadaskedherwhatshewaswearing,soIhadbroughtthisonmyself.

“Whatcolorisit?”Iasked,wincingatmywords.Dammit,whatwasIdoing?

“Pink...oritwas.It’sfadednow.Notsopinkanymore,”sherepliedhesitantly.
“Soundscomfortable.”
“Mmm-hmm,”washeronlyresponse.Istartedtochangethesubjectformyownsake,butIdidn’tgeta

chance.“Doyoujustsleepinyourunderwear?”sheasked,sosoftlyIalmostmissedherquestion.

Ithoughtshe’dknownjusthownakedIsleptafterI’dcomeoutintothehallwrappedinasheetthefirst

timewemet.“No,”Ireplied,surprisedthatshe’daskedme.

“Oh.IjustassumedthatsinceyoucamerunningintothegameroominyourboxerswhenIcutmyhand,

youmustsleepinthem.”

Agrintuggedatmylips.I’dsnatchedthoseoutofmyduffelandjerkedthemonwhilerunningdownthe

halltowardherthatmorning.

“Iputthoseonbeforecomingtocheckonyou,”Iexplained.
Aquickintakeofbreathwasheronlyresponse.
“Sleepingnakedain’tsobad.Youshouldtryitsometime,”Iteased,tryingtolightenthemood,since

sheseemedatalossforwords.

Thenshegiggled.Missionaccomplished.“I’mnotsureIcoulddothat,”shesaidinanamusedtone.
Iwassureshecould.Mymindwasplayingwithimagesofherdoingjustthat.ThenIjoinedherinmy

imagination,anditgotevenmoreinteresting.Thoselonglegsandthatlittlefreckletuckedbelowherass
wouldbethefirstthingsIexplored.Animageofheronmybed,withherassstuckupintheairsoIcould
nuzzleandkissthatfreckle,sentahardthrobtomycock.

Iwrappedmyhandarounditandsqueezed,tryingtocalmitthefuckdown.Itwashottothetouchand

wasn’tgoingtocoolitselfanytimesoon.EspeciallywithReese’svoiceheatingmeup.

“Reese,givemejustaminute.I’llberightback,”Itoldher.
“Oh,OK,”shereplied.
IhatedthatIwasthisfuckingweak,butIhadtogetcontrolofmyselfnowifIwasgoingtokeepheron

thephoneuntilshewenttosleep.Ihadtoeitherjumpintoacoldshowerorfinishthisfantasyinthe
privacyofmybathroom.Iwasinahurry,andtheimageofReeseinmybedwithherjuicyroundassinthe
airwasteasingme.

Iclosedthebathroomdoor,walkedovertothewall,andleanedagainstit,thentookmythrobbingdick

inmyhandagain.Slowly,Istrokedit,asIlickedReese’sassandfreckle,thenshovedherlegsapartand
feltherhotpussyslicktomytouch.Myotherhandwouldcaressherass,thenslideupuntilitfeltthehard
nipplesandheavinessofherbreastshangingdowntowardthemattress.

ShewouldcryoutasIslippedmytongueoverhertenderflesh,andherbreastswouldswayandbounce

inmyhand.Fuck,thatwasallittook.Icriedoutasmyreleasepumpedoutofmeandcoveredmyhand,
stillfistedtightlyaroundit.

SincemeetingReese,Ihadbeendoingthismoreandmore.Ihadtriedafewcoldshowers,butI

fuckinghatedthem.Thiswastheeasiersolution.Andthelesspainfulone.Plus,myfantasiesaboutReese
weregettingbetterandbetter.

Reese

immycamebythenextmorningtotellmehehadcalledinsickfortherestoftheweekandwasgoingon

amini-vacationtogetawayfromeverything.Hehadn’tsleptlastnight,andhewasweepytoday.Hismain
concernhadbeenmegettingtowork.AlthoughIhadassuredhimthatIcouldwalk,hesaidhewouldn’t
beabletorelaxandgethismindoffeverythingifhewasworriedaboutmewalking.Sohehadaguyhe
trustedcomepickmeupandtakemehomeonthedaysIworked.Heassuredmethathe’dknownthisguy
forever,andhewasaclosefriendofMr.Kerrington.IhadtopromisehimthatIwouldridewithhis
friend,Thad,beforehewouldleave.BecauseIwasworriedabouthim,IsaidOK.Butthiswasn’t
somethingIwantedtodoatall.Iwouldhavemuchrathertakenacab.ButJimmyrefusedtoacceptthat.

SonowIstoodoutsidemyapartmentwaitingfora“blackBMWwithshinysilverwheelsyoucan’t

miss”todriveup.JimmyhadalsosaidthatThadhadlongblondhairandlookedlikehebelongedona
surfboard.

Yellowcrime-scenetapesurroundedthedoorandsidewalkthreedoorsdown.Icringedatthethought

ofthehorrorthathadhappened.Jimmyhadseenitall.Iworriedabouthim,too.Howcouldhegetthatout
ofhisheadandmoveon?

Lastnight,IhaddriftedofftosleepwhileMasehadputmeonhold.Itsurprisedme,really.Just

knowingthathewasthereandwasn’tleavingmehadbeenenoughtorelaxme.Thentherehadbeenthe
strangeconversationwe’dhadaboutwhatweweresleepingin.Hesleptnaked.Theimageofthatman
nakedexcitedme.WhichwasgoingtobeawkwardwhenIhadtoseehisfaceagain.

TheslickblackBMWwashardtomissasitpulledintotheparkinglot.Evenwithoutseeingthewheels

ortheblondguyinthedriver’sseat,Iknewitwashim.Nooneinthisapartmentcomplexdroveacarlike
that.Ipulledmybackpackupontomyshoulderandtookadeepbreath.Jimmywouldn’tsendsomeoneto
getmewhowasdangerous.Icoulddothis.Icould.

Thedriver’s-sidedooropened,andatallguywithblondhairthatcurledjustbelowhisearssmiledat

me.Hehaddarksunglasseson,soIcouldn’tseehiseyes.However,heseemedsafe.Hissmilewas
friendly,andagain,Jimmytrustedhim.

“AreyouReese?”heasked.
Inoddedandsteppedoffthesidewalkandtowardhiscar.
“OnlyJimmy,”Thadsaid,shakinghisheadandchuckling.
Ididn’taskhimwhatthatmeant.“Thanksfordrivingme.I’llpayforyourgas,”ItoldhimasIgotinto

thecar.

Thadfrowned.“Uh,no,youwon’t.Icangiveabeautifulgirlaridetoworkandback.”
Ididn’ttensewhenhecalledmebeautiful.Thatwasapositivesign.Iwasprogressing.Notallmen

werebad.Jimmy,Mase,andDr.Munroehadtaughtmethat.ThentherewasthewayGrantCarteradored

hiswifeandchild.Mythoughtsaboutmenwerechanging.ThelongerIstayedinRosemaryBeach,the
moreIsawthegoodsideofhumanity.

“DidJimmytellyoutotakemetotheKerringtonClub?Icanwalktoworkfromthere.”Lately,Jimmy

hadbeentakingmetothehousesIworkedatinsteadoflettingmewalk.ItwassomethingIknewMase
hadmentionedtohim.

“IwastoldyouneededtobetakentoNan’stoday.Ihearshe’scomingbackinthenexttwoweeks.Oh,

joy,”Thadsaid,lookingatmelikeIunderstoodwhathewastalkingabout.

IhadnevermetNan,butfromwhateveryone,includingherbrother,saidabouther,Iwasn’tsureI

wantedto.Ilikedcleaningherhouse.Ineededthatjob.Butshewasbeginningtoterrifyme.Iwouldhave
totellheraboutthemirrorwhenshereturned.Idreadedthat.“Idon’tthinkI’mlookingforwardto
meetingher,”IadmittedtoThad.“Nooneseemstolikeherverymuch.”

Thadletoutabarkoflaughter.“Understatementoftheyear.”
Oh,wow.IwishedshecouldjuststayinParis.
“Youheardthoseshotslastnight?”Thadasked,changingthesubject.“Seeingthecrime-scenetapeis

freakyshit.”

Inoddedandpushedthememoryoflastnightoutofmyhead.“Yeah,”wasmyonlyresponse.ThenI

focusedmyattentionoutthewindow.Ididn’twanttotalkabouttheshooting.

“Sorry.Ifshewasyourfriendorsomething.Ididn’tmeantobedisrespectful.”
Icontinuedlookingoutthewindow.“Ididn’tknowher,”Itoldhim.
Hewasquietthen.Ishouldprobablyhavespokenupandnotmadeitsoawkward,butIwasn’tsure

whattosay.

WhenhepulleduptoNan’sgateandfollowedthecurveofherdriveway,Iwasrelieved.Iwaslooking

forwardtocleaningandenjoyingmyquiettimealone.

“I’llpickyouupherearoundthree.”
“Yes,thankyou.”Asweirdasitwastakingaridefromastranger,itwasnicetogettoworkfaster.
Thadgavemeacrookedgrin.“Noproblem.”

Thatnight,ItoldMaseaboutJimmyleavingandThadgivingmearide.Hedidn’tseemthrilledbythis,
butIdidn’taskhimaboutit.Wewerefriends,nothingmore.Instead,Ireadtwochapterstohim.Just
beforewehungup,heaskedmeifIwasinmypajamasyet.

“Yes,”Ireplied,lookingdownatthecutoffsweatsandtanktop.
Hesighed,thenchuckled.“Sorry.Icouldn’thelpmyself.Goodnight,Reese.”
“Goodnight,Mase.”
“Sweetdreams.”
Hehadnoideahowsweettheywouldturnouttobe.

Mase

ycoffeewasbrewing,andIhadn’tputonanythingotherthanapairofjeans,whenaknockonmydoor

disturbedmymorningroutine.

Annoyed,thinkingitwasMajorhereanhourearly,Iwentandjerkedopenthedoor,readytoscowlat

him.Instead,itwasCordelia.

Shehadn’tcalledorshownupsinceIhadsentherhomealmostamonthago.Ididn’tstepbackandlet

herinside,becauseinthepast,allourbusinesshadtodowithsex,andIwasn’tdoingthatanymore.Not
whenIwasgettingindeeperwithReeseeveryday.

“I’minlovewithyou,”sheblurtedout,ashereyesfilledwithtears.
Holyfuck,Ididnotneedthistoday.Oranyday.Cordeliawasnoteversupposedtofallinlovewith

me.We’dhadsex.Thatwasit.Neveranycuddlingorkissing,justfucking.

Dammit.
“Cordelia,I’msorry.Butwewentintothatrelationshipknowingitwasjustasexthing.Ididn’tknow

youhaddeeperfeelingsorweredevelopingthem.Iwouldhaveputahalttoitalongtimeago.”

Shesniffed,andhershoulderssaggedindefeat.“Soyoureallyfeelnothing?Atall?”
Shit,IfeltafuckingorgasmasIgotmyrelease.Andyeah,herbodyhadbeenniceandhadfeltgood,

andI’denjoyedit,butthatwasit.Nothingemotional.Ishookmyhead,hatingtohurther.“No.Itwasjust
sexforme.Ithoughtthatwasallitwasforyou,too.”

“Istheresomeoneelse?”sheasked.“Isthatwhyyou’restoppingwithme?”
Iwasn’tsurehowtoanswerthis.Reesewasn’therbusiness,butshewasthereasonthiswasending.

“I’vegotfeelingsforsomeoneelse,yes.”There,I’dsaidit.

Shecoveredhermouthonasob.“Yougotintoarelationshipwithsomeoneelsewhileyouwere

fuckingme?”

Shakingmyhead,Iletoutafrustratedgroan.Ijustwantedsomecoffee.Notthis.“I’mnotina

relationship...yet,”Itoldher.“Butitdoesn’tmatter.Iwanttobe.I’mwaitingforher.”

Cordelialetoutahardlaughandwipedatthetearsstreamingdownherface.“Sothewomanwillingto

giveyoueverythingisn’tgoodenough.Youwanttheoneholdingback,isthatit?God,Ihatemen!You’re
allassholes!”Cordeliayelledthelastbit.Shepointedatme.“Youwillregretthis.Whenyouneedme,
youwillregretthis.Allthathotsexwehadwasfantastic,andyouknowit.Youwillwantmypussyand
myassagain,andIwon’tgivethemtoyou.Thisisit,Mase.You’vehadyourlastchance.”

Ididn’thavearesponseforthat.Iwatchedherturnandstalkbacktohertruckandclimbinside.I

closedthedoorandhopedshekeptherwordandthatthiswasindeedit.Icouldn’tdothisanymoreand
beniceaboutit.Ihatedhurtingher,butshewaspushingit.

Myphonestartedringing,andIlookedlonginglyatthecoffeeinthepot.Ireallywantedthatcoffee.

Frustrated,Ireachedformyphone.Whydidn’teveryoneleavemealone?Dammit,Iwantedaquiet
morning.

Harlow’snamelitupthescreen.
“YouOK?”Iasked,anxiousthatsomethingwaswrong.Shenevercalledthisearly.
“Ifiguredyou’dbeupalready.Grantjusttoldmesomethingbeforeheleftforworkthatheheard

yesterdaythatIthoughtwasinterestingnews.Iwantedtoshareitwithyou.”

Iwasalmostafraidtolisten.Shewasuptosomething.Icouldhearitinhervoice.Whatever

informationshehad,shewasenjoyingitalittletoomuch.“It’sseveninthemorning,Harlow.I’vejust
gottenup,andIneedcoffee,”IgrumbledasIwenttopourmyselfacup.

“Drinkyourcoffee,grumpy.IcantellyoualltheinformationIhavewhileyoudrinkit.”
“Yeah,”Iagreed,onlyhalflisteningtoher.Iwasmorefocusedonthehotliquidinthemuginfrontof

me.

“Thad—youknow,WoodsKerrington’sfriend—hasbeengivingReesearidetoandfromworkall

week.”

Thiswashernews?Rollingmyeyes,Iwalkedoutsidetoenjoymycoffee.“Alreadyknowthat,”I

informedher.

“Oh.Well,doyouknowthatheaskedheroutyesterdayforthisweekend,andshesaidyes?”
Myhandpausedinmidair,themugpoisedbeforemylips.Whatthefuck?“Reeseisgoingonadate

withThad?”Iasked,asIloweredmymug,stillnotsurethatwaswhatIhadjustheard.Reesewas
nervouswithmen.Thadwasaplayer.I’dseenthedudeinaction.HewasexactlythekindofguyIknew
Reesedidn’tliketobearound.Howthehell?“WhotoldGrantthis?”Iasked,waitingforthepunchline.
Thishadtobeafuckingjoke.

“Thad.Heaskedherwhenhetookhertoworkyesterdaymorning,andshesaidyes.Grantsaidhe

lookedlikealittleboywho’dbeengivenashinynewtoy.HewantedmetotalktoReeseaboutThad.
He’skindofaman-whore,youknow,andGrantdoesn’twanthimtohurtReese.ButIfiguredI’dcallyou.
Sinceyou’refriendswithher,maybeyoucouldcallherandgiveheraheads-up.”

Shewassofullofit.Sheknewthiswouldpissmeoff.Harlowknewmetoowell.LikehellwasReese

goingoutwithThad.Ifshewantedtodate,thenbyGod,shewasgonnadateme.“Thanks.Ineedtogo.
I’lltalktoyoulater.”

“OK,well,youwilltalktoher,right?”
Ialmostlaughedatherfakeconcern.SheknewgoodandwellthatIwasn’tabouttoletthatdate

happen.“I’lltalktoher,”Isaid,beforehangingupthephone.

Islungbackthecoffeeandletitburnmythroat.IhadtomakeacalltogetaflightandthencallMajor

togethimtotakeovereverythingIwasabandoningtomakesureThadkepthisplayboyhandsoffwhat
wasmine.

Reese

hyhadIsaidyestoThad?Sure,hemademelaugh,andhewasnice,butIdidn’twanttogooutwith

him.Iwasn’tsurehowtosayno,either.Ididn’twanttoberude.Hehadbeensohelpfulallweek,and
afterthefirstawkwardday,weseemedtofallintoaneasypattern.

Luckily,Ididn’tneedtoworktoday,soIdidn’thavetofacehim.ButIwouldhavetotomorrownight

whenheshowedupforourdate.IthadbeenonthetipofmytonguetotellMaselastnight,butsomething
hadheldmeback.JustbecauseIhadacrushonMase,thatdidn’tmeanthefeelingsweremutual.Evenif
helikedtoknowwhenIwasinmypajamas,thatdidn’tmeanhewantedtoseemeinthem.

Theideamademycheekshot.
Stopit,Iscoldedmyself.IhadtothinkaboutwhatI’dagreedtowithThad.Adate.Arealdate.Witha

rich,attractiveguy.Oh,no.WhathadIdone?Icouldn’tdothis.

Jimmyhadbeenplanningonmegoingonadoubledatewithhimtonightuntiltheshooting.Thenhe’d

left,andnowhewasn’tcomingbackuntilSunday.Ihadtalkedtohimtwonightsago.WhenIrealizedhe
wouldn’tbebackforthedoubledate,Ihadbeenrelievedtogetoutofit.Thenthishadhappened.

Masewouldcallmetonight.ShouldImentionit?Probablynot.Hedidn’ttellmewhenhehaddates.

Didhedate?Whatifhe’dbeenondateslately?Ifhewasdating,hegothomeearly,becausewetalkedat
leastbyteneverynight.

Ilookeddownatmytanktopandcutoffsweatsandsighed.Theyreallywerewornout,buttheywere

softandcomfortable.WomeninMase’sworldworeexpensivesilkandlace.Ididn’townanything
remotelysexytosleepin.UntilMase,Ihadn’tdesiredanythinglikethat.Hehadchangedalotofthings.
MaybehewaseventhereasonI’dsaidyestoThad.

Aloud,sharpknockonmydoorstartledme,andIputmyphonedownonthesofaandstooduptosee

whowasoutside.Iwasn’texpectinganyone,andIreallyhopedthatThadwasn’tcomingforavisit.Not
whenIplannedontalkingtoMaseonthephonetonight.

Ipeeredthroughthepeepholeandgasped.
AsifIhaddreamedhimup,therehestoodoutsidemydoor.Hisfacelookeddetermined,andhishair

waspulledbacksothatIcouldseethehardsetofhisjaw.Hewashere.Shockwasreplacedbyconcern
asIunlatchedandunboltedthedoorandswungitopen.

“Mase,iseverythingOK?”Iasked.
Hestaredatme.Hebeganmovingtowardme,butthenhestopped.“No.CanIcomein?”heasked

tightly.

Inoddedandsteppedbacktolethiminside.“What’swrong?”Iasked,afraidtoheartheanswer.Iwas

nervous.

Masewalkedinside,andhisgazeslowlytraileddownmybody,thenbackupagain.Eversoslowly.

Whenhemadeitbackuptomyface,therewasagleamtherethatmademeshiver.

“ThatlooksevenbetterthanIimagined.Andtrustme,baby,I’veimaginedyouinthatoutfitalot.”
Hisvoicesoundedlikehewascaressingthewordsinsteadofsayingthem.Thedarktoneinhisvoice

mademeshiveragain.Icouldn’tspeak.Notnow.Hehadtakenallmywordswiththoselooks.

“Idon’twantyougoingoutwithThad,”hesaidfirmly,snappingmeoutofmystrangehaze.Hisjaw

wasclenchedtightlyagain,andthatstrangegleaminhiseyeshadreturned.

“Howdidyouknow?”Iaskedhim.Andwhydoyoucare?Ithoughtsilently.
“HetoldGrant,”hereplied.Thatwasanswerenough.“Iwasgivingyoutime.Youseemedskittish.I

didn’twanttopushyou.Butifyou’regoingonadatewithsomeone,it’sgonnabeme,Reese.Notfucking
playboyThad.”

Hesaidthelastpartinagrowlthatcausedmetojump.
“Hedoesn’tknowthefirstthingaboutyou.Hewon’tknowhowtoreadyourexpressionstoknowwhen

youlikesomethingornot.Hewon’tknowwhenhe’smakingyouuncomfortableorwhenyouneedhelp
readingsomething.Hewon’tknowthatyouhavetwodifferentlaughs.Oneisreal,andtheothermeans
you’renervous.Hewon’tknowshit.ButIdo.”

WasMaseManningreallytryingtopersuademetogooutwithhim?Didhethinkhehadtogivemea

salespitchsoIwouldbuyin?

“Andhe’llmakeamistake.Hewilldosomethingtohurtyou,andI’llkillhim.I’mnotaviolentguy,but

fuckme,ifheweretohurtyou,I’dloseit,baby.Losemymind.SothewayIseeit,youneedtocancel
thatdatewithhimandmakenewplans.Withme.”

Beforehecouldstarttryingtoconvincemeagain,Ismiled.“OK.”
Heopenedhismouth,thenclosedit.Hiseyesflashedsomethingthatcouldonlybelabeledpleasure,

andhetookasteptowardme.“OK?”heasked.

Inodded.“Yes.OK,”Irepeated.
Agrintuggeduponecornerofhisbeautifulmouth.“OKasinyou’regonnacancelthatdatewithThad

andmakenewplanswithme?Allweekend?”

Allweekend.Hewashereforthewholeweekend?Inodded,unabletokeepfromsmilingevenmore

brightly.IwasgoingtogettospendthewholeweekendwithMase.Hehadcomeheretoseeme.

Me!
Maseclosedthedistancebetweenus,andhishandsreachedupandcuppedmyface.Mybodytensed

buttheneasedalmostimmediately.Hissmellmetmynose,andIwascomforted.

“I’mgoingtokissyounow,Reese.Can’tholdbackanylonger,”hesaid,hisbreathawhisperovermy

lipsbeforethesoftplumpnessofhismouthtouchedmine.

Hewassogentleashepressedsoftkissesateachcornerofmymouthbeforethetipofhistongueslid

alongmybottomlip,asifaskingmetoopen.Ihadseenpeoplekiss.Iknewyouopenedyourmouth,butit
seemedsointimate.Iwasn’tsureifIwasreadyforthat.OrifIwouldbeanygoodatit.

“Pleaseopenforme,”hebeggedagainstmylips,andIrealizedIwouldprobablydoanythingifhe

askedmeto.

Iopenedmymouth—andgaspedwhenhistongueslidinsideandbrushedagainstmytongue,asifina

daretoplay.Hetastedlikepeppermint.Alowmoancamefromhischest,andoneofhishandswenttomy
lowerbackandpressedmeclosertohimasheslidhisotherhandintomyhairandcuppedthebackofmy
head.Thewayheheldmewasdifferent.Hewascarefulwithme.

Histonguecontinuedtoteasemine,soIranmytongueoverhisandbeganexploringthemintytasteof

hismouth.Whenmytongueranoverhisbottomlip,hishandagainstmylowerbackfisted.Withasharp
intakeofbreath,hisbodytrembled.

SoIdiditagain.
Thistime,hemadeapleasedsoundinhisthroat,thenbrokethekissandrestedhisforeheadagainst

mine.“Iknewyou’dbesweet.Butdamn,baby,youtastelikemyownlittleheaven.”

Mychestswelled,andIsmiled.Ihadn’tdoneanythingwrong.HeenjoyeditasmuchasIdid.“Canwe

doitagain?”Iaskedhim,restingmyhandsonhisbiceps.

Alowchucklevibratedinhischest.“Yeah.Wecankissallyouwantto.”
Hislipsbrushedmineagainbeforepressingcloserandopeningbackup.Isavoredthefeeloftouching

himinsuchapersonalway.Hishandsrestedonmywaist,andwheneverIlickedtheroofofhismouthor
tastedhislips,hishandstightenedonlybriefly.

Mybodywastinglingallover,andIwantedtocrawlintohislapanddothisallnight.Iwasenjoying

myself,andIwasamazedthatIwasenjoyingmyselfsomuch.Mybreastsached,andmybody
instinctivelypressedclosertohistofindrelief.

Thesecondmychestpressedagainsthim,hepushedmeseveralinchesaway.Kissingover.
Masewaswatchingmeasifhewasn’tsurehowtohandleme.Hewaskeepingmeatarm’slength.

Literally.

“IneedtoknowwhatIcanandcan’ttouch,”hesaid,soundingoutofbreath.“Iknowsomethingmakes

youcautiousandnervous.I’vewatchedyouclosely,andIreadbodylanguagewell.Butyou’reconfusing
me,Reese.”

Withoutaskingmetotellhimaboutmypast,hewaslettingmeknowthatheknewsomethingwasthere.

Somethinghauntedme.Andhewasbeingcarefulnottoscareme.ThelittlebitofmyheartthatIthoughtI
stillhadpossessionoffled.MaseManningnowhaditall.

“Ilikedwhatweweredoing,”Itoldhim,hopingthatalltheloveIfeltforthismanwasn’tshiningon

myfacelikethebrightrayofsunlightthatwaswarmingupallthethingsinsidemethathadlongfeltcold.

Masesmirked,thenshookhishead.“Yeah,Igotthatyoulikedthekissing.Butgettingcloseand

pressingthosesweet...”Hetrailedoffashisgazeflickedtomychest,andheletoutasmallgroan
beforelookingbackupatmyface.“Myhandsaregoingtowanttoexplore.I’vebeenfantasizingabout
yourbodyforawhilenow.Ineedtoknowwheremyhandscanandcan’tgo.”

Hehadbeenfantasizingaboutme?Oh,my.
Wherecouldhego?Myheartwantedhimeverywhere,butIknewmyheadmightnotagree.The

problemwas,Iwasn’tsurewhatwouldsetmeoff.Sofar,whatweweredoingwasnothinglikethe
nightmareI’dlivedthrough.Itwaswonderful.Ithelpedholdbacktheuglymemories.Iwantedmoreof
thisinhopesthatitwoulddrownoutthepast.

“Whatpartofmedoyouwanttotouch?”Iasked.
Hiseyeswentbacktomychest.“I’dliketostartthere,”hesaidinahoarsewhisper.
Mybreastsbegantotingleandacheatthenipples,liketheyknewtheyweregettingattentionfromthis

beautifulmanandlikedit.TheywereasshamelessasIwas.Inodded,andhiseyelidsloweredashekept
hisheatedgazelockedonmynowheavingchest.Iwashavingahardtimebreathing,becauseIwasthat
excitedtofeelMase’shandsonme.

Hetookasteptowardme,andhishoodedgazemetmineagain.IthinkIstoppedbreathinginthat

momentwhenhishandlifted,andIfeltthewarmthfromhisskinashecuppedhispalmaroundmyneedy
breast.

Iinhaledsharply,andhestudiedmecarefully.Hedidn’tmoveuntilIbeganbreathingagainnormally.

Orasnormallyascanbeexpectedwhenyourbreastisbeingfondledbythemanyou’reinlovewith.His
thumbgrazedovermynipple,andIgrabbedhisbicepstosteadymyself.Hiseyeswerelockedonmy
chestnow.Withthepadofhisthumb,hecircledandteasedmynipple,causingmetomakesomesoundsI
hadnevermadebefore.

Whenhisotherhandmovedtowardme,Ihadtoclosemyeyesandtakeadeepbreathforfearof

passingout.Justashe’ddonewiththeotherbreast,hegentlycuppedit,thenbeganpayingcloseattention
tothenipple.IsuddenlyhatedthetanktopIlovedtosleepin.Itwasintheway.ButtheideaofMase

takingthetanktopoffmeandactuallylookingatmybarebreastswasasterrifyingasitwasexciting.

“IsthisOK?”hewhisperedalmostreverently.
“Yes,”Ireplied.
“IwanttokissyouagainwhileItouchyou,”hesaid,studyingmylips.“Canweliedownonyour

bed?”

Mybed.Thatwasmore.Alotmore.
ButIhadMaseinmybedeverynight.Evenifitwasjustonthephone.
“Yes,”Itoldhim,beforeIcouldfreakoutandchangemymind.
Hislefthandsliddownmystomachandhip,andthenhetookmyhandinhis.Hedidn’tsayanything

elseasheledmeovertothebedroomdoor.Thelampbesidethebedwastheonlylightintheroom.

Hishandleftmine,andhesatdownontheedgeofthebed.Iwatched,fascinated,ashetuggedoffhis

bootsandplacedthemonthefloor,hisgazeneverleavingme.

“Comehere,”hesaid,withacrookofhislongfinger.
Atthispoint,themancouldtellmetogojumpoffabridge,andIwasprettysureI’daskhimwhich

one.

Hetookbothmyhandsandpulledmeintohislap.
Ihadtostraddlehimwithmykneesonthebed.Hetiltedhismouthtofitacrossmine,andthenall

thoughtofnervesvanishedashekissedmeagain.Thewondershecouldaccomplishwiththeslipofhis
tongue.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandsankintohim...untilthehardnessIrememberedfrom
mypastwaspressingagainstme.ThenIfroze.

Withoutwarning,thememoriescameback,tauntingme.Ishudderedandjumpedoffhimandbacked

away,afraidthathe’dseethehorrorinmyeyes.Thathe’dknowexactlyhowdirtyIwas.Ididn’twantto
makehimdirty.WhathadIbeenthinking?Icouldn’tdothis.Masewassogoodandniceandkind.He
didn’tknowme.Hethoughthedid.Buthehadnoidea.

“Comebacktome,Reese.Don’tyougothere,”hesaid,hishandstakingbothofmineandholdingme.

“Lookatme,baby.”

Mase

hebroken,terrifiedexpressiononherfacemademephysicallyill.Ineverwantedtobethereasonthat

darknesscameoverher.“Please,Reese,lookatme.Inmyeyes.Focusonme.Nothingelse,”I
encouragedher,asIheldherhandsfirmlyinminewhilelettinghermaintainsomespacebetweenus.My
initialreactionhadbeentopullhertightlyintomyarmsandholdher.Butthoseeyeshadstoppedme.

Sheblinkedhereyesseveraltimes,andhergazeclearedupasshedidwhatIasked.Shewasbackwith

me.Thedemonstormentingherwereonceagainpushedaway.“I’msorry,”shewhispered,hervoice
thickwithemotion.

“No.Neverbesorry.Nothingisyourfault.Withme,youneverhavetoapologize,”Isaid.
Hershoulderssankindefeat,andshelookedlikeshewasonthevergeoftears.Iwasn’tlettingherdo

that.Notnow.Notaftershe’dgivenmesomuch,entrustedmewithsomuch.

“CanIjustholdyou?Nothingmore.Justletmeholdyou.”Itwassupposedtobeaquestion,butithad

turnedintopleading.

Shenoddedandsteppedtowardme.Igatheredherintomyarmsandwrappedthemaroundher.Slowly,

herarmsslidaroundmywaist,andsheheldontomejustasfiercely.

Wedidn’tspeakormove.Wejuststoodtherelikethat,holdingeachotherforseveralminutes.I

reassuredmyselfthatshewashereandshewasgoingtobeOK.Iwouldbethererightbesideherthrough
allofthis.Whateveritwas.

Ipressedakisstothetopofherhead,thenpressedmycheekagainstthesilkylocks.Thecinnamon

sweetcreamsmellthatIlovedengulfedme,andIclosedmyeyes,wishingIcouldwipeawayeverybad
thingthathadhappenedtoher.

“Ihatehim.Idon’tknowwhoheis,butIloathehimwitheveryfiberofmybeing,”Iwhisperedagainst

herhair.

Shetensedinmyarmsforamoment,andthenherbodyrelaxedasherarmstightenedaroundmeasif

shewasseekingsafetyandcomfortfromme.Icouldgiveherthat.Evenifshewasn’treadyformetogive
herotherthings,Icouldgiveherpeace.

“It’slate.Youneedtogotobed,”Itoldher,wantingnothingmorethantocrawlintothatbedwithher.

Evenifitwasjusttosleep.

“Will...willyoustayheretonight?”sheaskedagainstmychest.
“NowhereelseI’dratherbe.”
Shepulledbackfromme,andIlethergo.Shewalkedovertothebed,pulledbackthecovers,and

climbedunderthem.Thenshepattedthespotbesideher.“Sleephere.Besideme.”

Herwishwasmycommand.Ilaydownbesideherbutstayedontopofthecovers.Iwasfullyclothed,

soIdidn’tneedcoversanyway.Holdingoutmyarm,Ilookedathercurleduponherside,watchingme.

“Comehere,”Isaid,andsheimmediatelymovedtotuckherselfintothecrookofmyarmandshoulder.I
wrappedmyarmaroundherandheldher.

Staringattheceiling,IwonderedhowIwouldgobackhomeonSundaymorning.Leavingherwasn’t

goingtobeeasy.Ididn’tlikethinkingofherherealone.

Theneedtoprotectherhadgrownintosomethingfierceandpossessiveinsideofme.Ithoughtofher

allthetime,andallIcouldthinkwasthatIwantedhersafe.Iwantedherwithme.Ididn’twantanyone
elsetouchingherorcomfortingher.Justme.

Iwassupposedtofixherproblems.Iwastheonewhoshouldbeholdingherwhenshecried.Itdrove

mecrazytothinkofanyoneelsedoingsomethingforherthatIshouldbedoing.

Thisgirlwasmakingmecrazy.Ifeltoutofmydepthwithher.Ididn’tknowwhyIhadthisinsaneurge

towrapherupandrunoffwithher.Itcouldn’tbehealthy.IhadalwaysbeenprotectiveofHarlowandmy
mother.Butotherthanthosetwo,nooneelsewasthatimportanttome.

Untilnow.Andthiswasaleagueallitsown.
Whyher?Whywassheaffectingmelikethis?Ihadseenhotbodiesbeforeandgorgeoussmiles.Itwas

morethanheroutwardappearance.Beautifulwomenonlyinterestedmeforonething.Reesehadreached
somethingelseinsideofmeandsqueezedittight,fromthemomentIranintotheroomandfoundher
sittingonthefloorsurroundedbybrokenglass.

Ihadactuallybeenpissedatthemirrorforhurtingher.Whogetsfuckingmadatanobject?
“Mase?”hersoftvoicesaidagainstmychest.
Thebloodinmyveinswarmedandspedupwiththesoundofmynameonherlips.Oratleast,itfelt

likeit.Mywholebodyreactedtoher.“Yes,”Ireplied,gentlywrappingasilkylockofherhairaroundmy
finger.

“Itwasmystepfather,”shesaid,sosoftlyIalmostdidn’thearher.
Everythinginmychestfeltlikeitwastwistingintoknots.Ithurttobreathe.Holyfuck,ithurtsobad.I

hadtoforceoxygenintomylungsastherealityofwhatshehadjustadmittedtomesettledin.Rageunlike
anythingI’deverexperiencedcrashedthroughme,andIwantedtomurderanotherhumanbeingforthe
firsttimeinmylife.No,Iwantedtotorturehimslowlyfirst.Listentohimscreaminagony.ThenIwanted
towatchhimdie.

“Mase?”Reese’svoicecalledmynameagain,andIinhaledsharply,puttingtherevengeandhatefora

manIdidn’tknowtotheside.Mygirlneededmenow.Shedidn’tneedmelosingmyshitoverthis.She’d
trustedmewithit.

“Yes,baby,”Ireplied.
“Ihatehim,too.”
Thosefourwordsjustaboutundidme.“I’mgoingtowashitallaway.IsweartoGod,Iam,Reese.

Oneday,allyouwillseeorrememberismeandwhatwefeelliketogether.Iswear.”

Sheturnedherheadandkissedmychest,thensnuggledclosertome.“Ibelieveyou.”

Reese

ttookmeafewsecondstoawakenfullyandrememberthatIwasn’taloneinmyapartment.Ididn’thave

toopenmyeyestoknowthatIwasaloneinbed.IcouldfeelMase’sabsence.Hiswarmthwasgone.

Buthewasintheotherroom.Thesmellofcoffeefilledthesmallapartment.AndMase’svoice,

althoughhewastalkingquietly,driftedthroughthecloseddoor.

Imadequickworkofbrushingmyteethandhairbeforegoingintothelivingroomtofacehimafterlast

night.Thefactthathewasherestillamazedme.HehadcometostopmefromgoingonadatewithThad.
Andinreturn,I’dfreakedoutonhimwhiledoingsomethingassimpleaskissingandtouching.

Iopenedthedoorandsteppedintotheroom,andmyeyeswentstraighttothetallformofperfection

standingatthewindowwithhisbacktome.Hewasonthephone.HewasstillwearingthejeansandT-
shirthe’dhadonlastnight,buthisduffelbagsatonthesofa.Hehadcomeprepared.

“I’drathernotcome,Harlow.IlikeTrippandall,butIwasn’tplanningonbeingherethisweekend,

andIdidn’tcomedownforhisparty.IhaveotherthingsI’dratherdotonight,”hesaidinafrustratedtone,
althoughhewasstilltalkinginaquietvoice.

Hisjawworkedashelistenedtowhateverhissisterwassaying.Itseemedshereallywantedhimtogo

toapartytonight.Istartedtospeakupandtellhimheshouldgo.

“Fine.I’llgoifReesewantsto.Butifshe’drathernot,we’redoingsomethingelse.Endofdiscussion.

Now,Iloveyou,butIgottago.Iwasgoingtotrytomakesomebreakfastbeforeshewakesup.”

Iclosedmymouthandstaredinsurpriseathisback.Hewantedtotakeme?Toapartywithhiscrowd?

Andhewasgoingtomakemebreakfast?NotblurtingoutthatIlovedhimwashard,becauseafter
listeningtothisconversation,IwantedtoopenthewindowandalertalltheneighborsthatIwasinlove
withthisman.

Heturned,andhisgazelockedonmine.Aslow,sexysmiletouchedhislips,andIwassureImight

swoonrighthereonthespot.“Igottago.She’sawake,”hesaidintothephone,andendedhiscall.

IstoodrightwhereIwas,unabletomove,withthatgleaminhiseyesandthewarmthofthatgaze

slowlytrailingdownmybodyandbackupagain.

“Youevenwakeupgorgeous,”hesaidinagentletone.
“Thankyou,”wasmysillyresponse.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetosay.
“Youhungry?Iwasgoingtotakeinventoryandmakeussomebreakfast,”hesaid,ashewalkedoverto

thekitchen.“I’vealreadymadecoffee.”

“Yes,butIcanmakebreakfast.Imakereallygoodhomemadewaffles.”Ifollowedhimintothesmall

kitchenarea.

Heglancedbackatmeoverhisshoulder.“Homemadewaffles?Sold.AllIcandoiseggsandtoast.”
“Thenyougositoverthere,becausebothofusarenotfittingintothiskitchen.”

Hewaspouringmorecoffeeintohiscup.ThenheturnedandwalkedbackoutofthecornerholeIhad

forakitchen.Imayormaynothavebeencheckingouthisbuttinthosejeans.Ihadtosnapmyheadup
whenheturnedbacktome.

Aknowinggrinlituphisface,andhetookafewstepsbackinmydirectionandplacedhiscupof

coffeeonthebar.“I’mgoingtoadmitsomethingthatIthinkyoushouldknow.I’mabitofacaveman.The
ideaofyoucookingformeturnsmeon.”Hisvoicedroppedashesaidthelastpart,thenhebenthishead
andpressedawarmkisstomylips.

Iwasreadyforanotherroundofkissingifhewas.Iwentuponmytiptoeseagerly.Iwasfivefootnine,

butMasewasatleastsix-threeorsix-four.Hemademefeelshort.

Hishandslippedaroundtomylowerbackandpressedmeclosertohim,justbeforehismouthopened

andIwasgiventheyummytasteofhispeppermintgoodness.Imovedmyhandsfromhisarmstohisneck
tohelppullmeupevenfartheronmytoes.

Masemovedhishandsovermybuttandcuppedit,andforamoment,webothstilled.Whenpanic

didn’tsetin,Ileanedcloser,andMaseinhaledsharply,thenpulledmeuphisbodywhileholdingonto
mybottom.

JustwhenIwasgettingreadytoexplorehislipssomemore,hebrokethekissandtookadeepbreath.

“Reese,baby,I’vegotathingforyourass.I’vehadathingforyourasssincedayone.AndnowthatI’ve
gotmyhandsonit,Ineedaminutetocalmdownwithoutyourhotlittlemouthturningmethefuckon,”he
saidinahuskyvoicethatmademeshiver.

Iduckedmyheadtohidemysmile.Helikedmybutt.Itwastoofat,buthelikedit.Icouldn’tkeepfrom

grinning.

“Iseethatsmile,”hesaidteasingly,ashesqueezedmybottominhishandsandthengroaned.“Fuck...

that’snice,”hesaidinmyear.“EitherIcarryyouovertothatsofaandcontinuetoholdthefinestassin
theworldinmyhandswhileIkissyou,orIletyougosoyoucanmakethosewaffles.Yourchoice.Iwant
todowhatyoufeelcomfortablewith.”

Thismanandhiswordsmademefeellikegooinside.Allmeltyandmushy.Whoneedsbreakfast,

anyway?“Thesofa,”Iwhispered,andheletoutapleasedgrowlashepickedmeupoffthefloor.I
wrappedmylegsaroundhiswaist,andhekepthishandsonmybottom.Inthreelongstrides,wewere
sinkingdownontothesofa.Ifeltthestiffnessundermybottom,andhestilled.

Iwouldnotpanic.ThiswasMase.ThiswasMase.
Ikeptmyeyeslockedonhishandsomefaceandwatchedinfascinationashiseyesflickeredwith

somethingsosexyandneedythatitmademycenterache.

“Youcanpullyourlegsoutandholdyourselfupovermylap,iffeelingwhatyoudotomemakesyou

nervous.”Hisvoicewastight,asifhewashurtingsomehow.

ImovedsothatmylegswerefoldedoneachsideofhisandIwasstraddlinghim.Justlikelastnight.If

Isankbackdown,Iwouldfeelhiserectionagainstme.Buttherewasatinglingachetherethathadn’t
beentherebefore.Theideaofputtinganypressureonitexcitedme.

Mase’shandsflexedonmybottom,andhebreathedoutheavilythroughhisnoseaswekeptourgazes

firmlylockedoneachother.Slowly,Iletmyselfsinkdownontohislap.Thehardridgeofhispenisfit
rightalongtheslitbetweenmylegs,andIgaspedloudlywhenasparkthatfeltsogooditwasalmost
painfulshotupmybodyfromthecontactbetweenmylegs.

MaseswallowedsohardIcouldhearhim.Hisbreathingwasheaviernow,andhishandshadtightened

theirholdonmybackside.“YouOK?”heaskedinavoicethatsoundedlikehewasinpain.

“AmIhurtingyou?”Iasked,horrified.Ihadn’teventhoughtabouthowthismightfeeltohim.Istarted

togetup,andhishandsimmediatelymovedtomythighsasheheldmedown.

“No.No.Don’t.Thisis...fuck,baby.Idon’thavewordsforwhatthisis,”hesaid,thenletoutahard

laughashelaidhisheadbackagainstthesofaandstaredattheceiling.“Ineedanotherminute.”

Hishandssqueezedmythighsashesattherelikethat.Iadmiredthethicknessofhisthroat.Iteven

lookedmuscular.Didneckshavemuscles?

Feelingbrave,Ileanedforwardandpressedakisstohisneck.Hishandsflexedonmythighs,butthat

wastheonlymovehemade.SoIkissedhimagainandinhaledhisscent.Heremindedmeofleatherand
theoutdoors.Mybodymusthavelikedthetwosmells,becauseIhadtopressdowntogetsomerelief
fromthepulsingachebetweenmylegs.

“Baby,”hesaidsoftly.
“Yeah?”Iasked,takingasmalllittletasteofhisskinwiththetipofmytongue.
“Fuck,”hegroaned,andthenIwasmovingawayfromhim.Hishandswereonmywaist,andhewas

placingmeonthesofaashegotupandmovedawayasfastashecould.

IhadbeensolostinhimIhadn’trealizedwhatwasgoingonuntilIsawhimstopandputhishandson

hisknees.Iwatchedhimtakeseveraldeepbreathsbeforehestoodbackup.Iwasafraidtoaskhim
anything.Iwaitedforhimtosaysomethingfirst.

Itseemedlikeforeverbeforehefinallyturnedaroundandlookedatme.Ihadpulledmykneesupin

frontofmeandwrappedmyarmsaroundthem.Somethingwaswrong.Iwaswaitingtohearhimtellme
whatthatwas,exactly.

“I’msorry.I...you’re...”Hestoppedandlaughedathimself,thenshookhisheadinfrustration.“I

wantyounaked,Reese.Iwantmyhandsandmouthalloveryoursweetlittlebody.Iwanttobendyou
overandkissthefreckleIknowisrightunderyourleftbuttcheek,theoneIsawthefirsttimeImetyou.I
wasgreetedwithyourperfectassbentoverondisplay,andI’vedreamedaboutthatasseversince.But
morethanthat,Iwantyoutoalwaysfeelsafewithme.Iwanttotakeiteasyandslowwithyou,soInever
havetoseethathauntedlookinyoureyesortheterrorinyourexpressionagain.Sowemayhavemore
momentswhenyoupressthat”—heclosedhiseyesandbreathedhardthroughhisnose—“whenyoupress
againstmeandtouchmeinwaysthatdrivemesocrazyI’mafraidIwillsnapandtouchyouwhereyou’re
notreadyyet.”

Hearinghimtellmethathewantedtokissmeandtouchmenakedhadmyheartrateupagain.It

producedamixtureoffearandexcitement.Thesensationbetweenmylegswasstillthere.Therewasa
needyachethatremindedmeofatimewhenIwasmuchyoungerandaguyI’dhadacrushonatschool
corneredmeandtouchedme,callingmebeautiful.

Afterhe’dignoredmeandlethisgirlfriendcallmehorriblenamesthenextday,thatachehadnever

returned.Thenotherthingshappenedthatmadeanyexcitementinthatpartofmybodydie.Just
rememberingthepastdousedthefeelingsleftbehindfrombeinginMase’sarms.

IwasrelievedthattheachewasgoneandsadthatthiskissingsessionwithMasewasoverwhenI

stoodup.“ThenIguessit’stimeforbreakfast,”Isaid,forcingasmile.

Masewasstudyingmecarefully,andIdidn’twanthimtothinkforaminutethatIwasupsetwithhim.

Hewasdoingthisforme.Hecaredenoughtoputhisownneedsasideandbegentlewithme.Itmademe
lovehimevenmore.

“Doyouunderstand?”heasked,hisvoicefullofconcern.
ArealsmileformedonmylipsasIlookedathim.“Iunderstand.Thankyou.Thingslikethisonlymake

metrustyoumore.”

Mase

hiswasnothowIwantedtospendmylastnightwithReese.Iwasn’tsurewhenIwouldgetanother

weekendtocomestaywithher.IhadspentmostofthemorningstaringattheceilingwhileIheldher,
thinkingofwaystopersuadehertocometoTexas.Iwasreadytomoveherintomyhouse.That’showfar
goneIwas,andwehadn’tevenhadsexyet.

Luckily,TrippNewarkMontgomery’sfiancée,Bethy,wasn’toneoftheuptightRosemaryBeach

femaleswhomadeeverythingblack-tie.ShehadworkedattheKerringtonClubwithherauntforyears.
Thispartyhadbeenplannedunderhersupervision,sowewerealldressedforapartyonthebeach.

IglanceddownatReese,whowasholdingontomyarmtightly.Shewaswearingabikiniunderher

sundress,andIcouldseethestrapspeekingout.Swimsuitswerethesuggestedattire.Afterthe
groundbreakingceremonyforTripp’sbrand-newfive-starhotel,everyonewasmovingtotheKerrington
Clubpool,whichwasmorelikeatropicalislandwithwaterfallsandpalmtrees.

“Itseemslikemywifecangetyoutodoherbidding,too,”GrantCartersaidwithasmirk,ashe

walkeduptous.“Hello,Reese.Gladtoseemybrother-in-lawhasgoodtaste.”

“Hello,Mr.Carter,”shesaid,hervoicegivingawayhownervousshewas.
Grantfrowned.“You’redatingMaseandhavingcookiebreakswithmywife.YoucancallmeGrant.

Please.”Heturnedhisattentionbacktome.“Youstayingintownlong?”

Reesetensedbesidemebutonlyforasecond.IfIwasn’tsoattunedtohereverymove,Iwouldhave

missedit.“Ihavetoleavetomorrow.Ileftthingsinabitofamess,”Iadmitted.

Grantchuckled,andhiseyesflickedovertomyleft.“Yeah,IhearyouswoopedinandstoleThad’s

dateforthenight.He’scurrentlydrinkingheavilyandhasawomanoneacharm.Sohe’srecovering.”

Ididn’tevenbotherlooking.Ididn’tdoubtGrantforasecond.“Where’sHarlow?”Iasked,changing

thesubject.

“She’sfeedingLilaKate.Iofferedtodoit,butshesaidIwastheonewhoneededtobeouthere

showingmyface,nother.”

“Ihavetosay,Iliketherelaxedatmosphere.I’mnotsureHarlowcouldhavegottenmetocomeifthis

wereformal.”

Grantchuckledlikehedidn’tbelieveme.
Aserverappearedwithatrayofchampagneflutes.ItooktwoandhandedonetoReese.“Youthirsty?”
Shegrinnedandlookedattheglass,thenatme.“Whatisit?”
“Champagne,”Ireplied,unabletotakemyeyesoffherface.Everyexpressionshemadewassomething

Iwantedtoetchintomymemory.

“I’veneverhadchampagnebefore,”shesaidsoftly.
“Ithinkyou’lllikeit.Justtakeasmallsip.”

Sheplacedtheglasstoherlips,andhereyesstayedlockedonmeasshetastedtheblush-coloreddrink.

Hereyeslitwithpleasureandexcitement.Shelikedit.Andwatchingherexperienceitwasfucking
amazing.Itwasjustadrink,butshemadeeverythinganadventure.“It’sreallygood.Itticklesmynose.”

TherewereseveralplacesIwantedtotickleher.ButIkeptthatthoughttomyself.Glancingover,I

realizedI’dforgottenaboutGrant,buthe’dmovedonfromusanyway.

“Hello,I’mDella.YoumustbeReese.”
IturnedbackaroundtoseeDellaKerrington,Woods’swife,smilingatReese.Dellawasaniceperson.

IfeltsafewithherapproachingReese.Shehadn’tcomefromthisworld,either,althoughshewasnowthe
wifeoftheowneroftheKerringtonClub.

“Yes,Iam.It’snicetomeetyou,”Reesesaid,withlessnervesthistime.Itseemedtobeonlymenwho

madeherwithdraw.

“It’slovelytomeetyou,too.I’veheardsomanygoodthingsaboutyoufromHarlow.”
Reese’seyeswentwide,andsheglancedoveratmequicklybeforesmilingbackatDella.“Oh.Well,I

enjoyworkingforMrs.Carter.They’reareallynicefamily.”

HarlowwouldhatethatReesestillfeltshehadtocallherMrs.Carter.Ididn’tcorrecther,though,

althoughIcouldseetheconfusionflashinDella’seyes.Shewasn’texpectingReesetobesoformalabout
herrelationshipwithmysister.

“Yes,theyare,”Dellasaid,smiling.“Ilookforwardtoseeingmoreofyouinthefuture.”Shegaveme

aknowingglance.“Youtwoenjoyyourselves.I’vegottogorescuemyhusbandfromMr.Hobes.Ifyou’ll
excuseme.”ShehurriedtowardWoods,whowaslisteningtoanoldermantalkandlookinglikehe’d
ratherbeanywhereelse.

“She’sbeautiful,”Reesesaid,asshewatchedDellawalkaway.
“Ididn’tnotice,”Ireplied,thentuggedherclosertome.Thadwasheadedourwaywithhistwodates,

oneoneachside.Iwasn’tsurewhathisplanwas,butIwasn’tlettinghimsayordoanythingtoembarrass
Reese.

Healsoneededtounderstand:shewasmine.
Thad’shairwastuckedbehindhisears,andhiseyesweren’tglassyorbloodshotfromtoomuchdrink.

Thegirlsathissidewerealreadyintheirbikinis.Theyhadforgonethecover-upsordresses,unlike
everyoneelse.

Reese’shandtightenedonmyarmthesecondshenoticedhim.Ituckedheragainstmeandleveleda

warningglareatThad.HejustgrinnedatmeasifIwasoverreacting.

“Reese,Mase,hopeyou’reenjoyingyourselves,”Thadsaid,ashisstupid,dimpledgrinflashed.I

hopedReesedidn’thaveathingfordimples.

“Yes,thankyou.It’sabeautifulspotforahotel,”Reesesaidsincerely.
“Ihadn’tplannedoncoming,butsincemyeveningplansfellthrough,IfiguredI’dbringacoupleof

datestoentertainme,”hesaid,withawink,thendidsomethingtothegirlontherighttocauseherto
squealandgiggle.

“Icanseeyou’retornupaboutthosefailedplans.Ifyou’llexcuseus,IwanttointroduceReeseto

BlaireandRush,”Isaid,placingapossessivehandonherlowerback.Ididn’twaitforhimtosay
anythingelse.IhadseenRushandBlairearriveafewminutesago,andIknewBlairewouldbeasafe
persontotalkto;plus,shewaspartofmyfamily,sotospeak.RushandIbothhadfathersintherockband
SlackerDemon.AlthoughRushgrewupmoreinthatlifethanIdid,weunderstoodwhatitwasliketo
havefatherstherestoftheworldidolized.

Rushalsowouldn’tlookatReeselikehewantedataste.BecauseIwasgoingtothrottleThadifIhad

towatchhimlustoverReeseanothersecond.

Reese

henMaseintroducedRushFinlay,itclickedintoplace.ManningandFinlay.RushwasDeanFinlay’s

son.That’showMaseknewhim.Theirfathers.Wow.

WhileMasedidn’tlooklikearockgod’sson,Rushdefinitelydid.Fromhispiercedtongue,which

flashedwhenhespoke,tothetattoosonhisarmsandneck,totheall-aroundswaggerhepossessed,Rush
FinlayscreamedSlackerDemonoffspring.

Hiswife,Blaire,wasthekindofbeautifulwholeftyouspeechlessforamomentbecauseyouweren’t

sureifshewasreal.Thewhite-blondofherhairmadeherseemalmostangelic.Therewasakindnessin
hersmilethatmadeherseemevenmoreheavenly,butthensheopenedhermouth,andamuchthicker
SoutherntwangthanevenHarlow’scameout.Icouldn’thelpbutsmile.Shewasn’tamodeloramovie
star,thoughthatwasthetypeofgirlIexpectedtoseeRushFinlay’sarmwrappedaroundpossessively.
Butthenagain,shewasgorgeousenoughtobeboth,soIdidn’tquestionit.Shefithim.MoresothanI
thinkanyoneelsecould.

ItalkedwithBlaireaboutHarlowandLilaKate.ShealsoaskedmeaboutJimmy,sincehe’dgivenme

hernumberafterhermaidretired,butsheneverbroughtupmecleaningherhouse.Inaway,Iwasglad,
becausethatwouldonlyremindmeofhowmuchIdidn’tfitinhere.Butthen,italsomademewonderif
shehadhiredsomeoneelse.Ireallycouldusethejob.

OnethingthatwasbecomingmoredifficulttoignorewasthewomenwhoflirtedwithMase.Hedidn’t

seemtonotice,buteventheserversgavehimlooksthatweremeanttolethimknowtheywereavailable.

IfgettingawomanwasthiseasyforMase...whywashewithme?

Twohourslater,thegroundbreakingceremonywascomplete,andthepartyhadmovedtotheKerrington
Club.Andunfortunately,nowthatthewomenwereallwalkingaroundintheirbikinis,theywereeven
moreflirtywithMase.Severalhadopenlywalkeduptohimandaskedhimtoswimordance.Hehad
casuallydeclinedtheiroffers,butitwasasifIwasn’tevenstandingthere.Ihadn’ttakenoffmysundress
yet,becauseIwasn’tcomfortablewearingaswimsuitinfrontofallthosepeople.ButIstartedthinkingI
mightneedtoifIwantedtokeepMase’sattention.

IspottedBlaireacrossthepool,andshewasstillwearingtheblouseandshortsummeryskirtshe’d

hadonearlier.Shewasn’tstruttingaroundinherswimsuit.Shealsodidn’tseemedbotheredbythe
womenwhowerelookingatherhusbandwithcovetousglances.

ButshewasmarriedtoRush.
IwasonmyfirstdatewithMase.

“Youwantadrink?”Maseaskedme.Hishandslidaroundmywaistashebentdownandwhisperedin

myear.

“Yes,please,”Isaid,needingsomethingtodistractme.
“Stayhere.I’llgobravethebar.Morechampagne?Orsomethingelse?”
Ididn’twanttostayhere.Couldn’twewaitforaservertowalkaroundwithoneofthosetrays?But

thenIdoubtedhewantedthefruitydrinkstheywereservingthatway.“Champagneisfine,”Ireplied.

Hesqueezedmyside.“I’llberightback.”
JustasI’dfeared,womenseizedtheopportunityandapproachedhimashewalkedawayfromme.He

waspoliteanddidn’tseeminterested,butitwasstillhardtowatch.Becausethosegirlswouldn’tbe
nervouswhenhetouchedthem.They’dhavesexwithhimbehindapalmtreeouthereifhewantedthem
to.ThatwaswhatIhadtocompetewith.

Besides,IhadatwisteddarknessinsidemypastthatIwouldneverbeabletofullytellMaseabout.

Theydidn’thavethatkindofproblem.Theywerefreetoenjoytheirbodiesandmakemenhappy.Ifelt
sick.

AblondewrappedherarmsaroundMaseandkissedhischeek.Hegentlypushedheraway,buthe

continuedtotalktoherashegotourdrinks.Icouldn’twatchthis.Imovedmyattentiontoanywhereelse.
HarlowandGranthadalreadyleftwithLilaKate;theyhadn’tstayedatthepartylong.Therewasnoone
elseIknew.Masehadintroducedmetoseveralpeople,butIdidn’treallyknowthem.

IwouldnotglancebackatMase.Iwasalsoconsideringtakingoffmysundress.Butthesewomenhad

bodiesmuchnicerthanmine.Theywerethin,withnoaddedpaddingintheirbottoms.Andtheirboobs
wereallniceandroundandperfectlypositionedontheirchests.Nottoobigortoosmall.

Takingoffmydressmightbeabadideaafterall.Atleast,Masewouldn’tbeabletoseeexactlyhow

imperfectmybodywas.God,Ihatedthisfeeling.Inevercomparedmyselfwithotherwomen.Atleast,
notinthepast.NowhereIwas,doingit.

MygazewentbacktoMase.Hewasnowholdingtwodrinksandheadedmyway.Theblondewas

gone.Heseemedannoyed.Ihopeditwasn’tbecausehewasherewithmebutcouldbehavingsexright
nowwithanumberofwilling,beautifulwomen.

Icouldlosehim.
Soveryeasily.
AndI’djustgottenhim.
Whenhefinallyreachedme,hehandedmethechampagne.“Onceyoufinishthat,areyoureadytogo?

I’mreadytohaveyoualone.I’vedonemydutyandshownmyfacehere.”

Ihadtheurgetothrowbackthefluteanddownthepinkbubblydrink.Iwasreadytoleave,too—

beforeMasegotanofferhecouldn’trefuse.IwasthankfulforhisranchoutinTexas.Ididn’timagine
thereweregorgeous,model-thinheiressesthrowingthemselvesathimthere.

“Yes.I’dliketogowhenyou’reready,”Iadmitted.
Masestudiedmyfaceamoment,thentookthechampagnefrommyhand.“I’llbuyyouabottleatthe

storeifyouwantmore.Let’sgo,”hesaid,puttingtheflutedownonthetablenearesttousandleavinghis
untouchedsmallglassofamberliquidthere,too.

Hishandsettledonmylowerback,andheledmethroughthecrowdashetookusouttowherethe

valetwaited.

Oncewewereinthetruck,Masereachedoverandtookmyhand,threadinghisfingersthroughmine.

“Thanksforcomingwithmetonight.IonlywentbecauseHarlowthoughtIshouldshowmyfacesinceI
wasintown.She’sfriendswithBethyandTripp.IwasgladIhadyouwithme.Madethenightbearable.”

Thatmanandhiswords.Italmostmademeforgethowharditwastowatchwomenflirtwithhimwith

everybreathhetook.Hedidn’tflirtback,though.ButIdidn’tseeMaseasaflirter.Itwasn’thisstyle.
Didn’tmeanhedidn’tenjoytheirattention.Howcouldhenot?Theywerebeautifulandwilling.

“Ilikedmeetingyourfriends,”Itoldhim.
Hesqueezedmyhand.“Theylikedmeetingyou.”
Iwantedtoaskhimhowheknewtheblondewhohadhuggedhimandkissedhim.ButIdidn’t.Ikept

mymouthshut.

“Doyouwantmetostopandgetmorechampagne?”heasked,withatraceofhumorinhisvoice.
Ishookmyheadnoandlaughed.
“Iliketohearyoulaugh.Youdidn’tdomuchofthattonight,”hesaid,ashisthumbbegancaressingmy

hand.“Youlaughedmoretodaywhenitwasjustus.”

“Iwastoobusytakingitallin.”
“Thanksfornottakingoffthatlittledressofyours.”
Whydidhesaythat?WasheworriedabouthowI’dlookwithoutit?
“Ifyou’dtakenitoff,I’mafraidwewouldhaveleftevenearlier,becauseI’dhavebeenthrownout.I

don’tliketheideaofanothermanlookingatwhat’smine.”

Whoa.OK.Iwashis?Oh...wow.
“IkeptthinkingabouthowI’dreactifyouwantedtoswim.Iwastryingtocomeupwithexcusesto

keepthatsweetasscoveredup.”

Theachebetweenmylegsstartedagain.Hearinghimcallmybuttasweetassexcitedme,apparently.I

likedhowitfeltwhenhetouchedmybottom.Isquirmedinmyseat,andhishandtightenedaroundmine.

Wedidn’tsayanythingelse.Bythetimeheparkedthetruckatmyapartment,theairfelthot,andIwas

breathingheavily.GlancingatMase,Isawhisjawclenchedtightly.Hishandstillheldminefirmly.

Whenhecutofftheengineandfinallyletmyhandgo,hejerkedopenhisdoorandwasoutsofastyou

wouldhavethoughtitwasonfire.Iwatchedhimashetooklongstridestomysideofthetruckandthrew
openthedoor.Istartedtogetout,butthenhewasbackingmeup,crowdingmein.

Hisnostrilsflaredashegotclosetome,andhiseyesflashedaneedylookIunderstood.Myentire

bodyfeltfeverish,buthishandsonlytouchedmyhips.Hisheadloweredtomyear,andheranhisnose
downandbackupmyneck.“God,yousmellsogood.Icouldsmellyouforfuckingeverandbehappy.”

Igrabbedhisshouldersandheldon.WordslikethatcomingfromMaseManningmadeagirllight-

headed.

“Whenwegetinside,Iwanttotakethisdressoff.Letmeseeyouinthisswimsuit.Please.Iwon’task

foranythingmore.Justletmelookatyouandtouchyou...Justalittle.”

MybodyfeltsofeveredIwasreadytoripeverythingoffrightnowforhim,butIknewthemomentI

did,Iwouldpanic.Realitywouldsetin.Imanagedanodandlethimleadmeoutofthetruck.Hepressed
ahot,hardkisstomylips,moreaggressivethantheonesthathadcomebefore.Iheldonwhilehetook
thatkiss.Itwasn’toneofhiseasy,sweetones,butitwasexciting.

Whenhetorehismouthoffmine,hemutteredacurse,thenledmetotheapartmentdoorandunlockedit

beforeusheringmeinsidequickly.

BeforeIcouldcatchmybreath,hishandsweretakingthebottomofmysundressinhishands.“I’mjust

goingtotakethisoff.That’sall.Justneedtoseeyou,”hewhisperedclosetomyear,buthedidn’tmove
untilInoddedmyhead.

WhenIgavehimthego-ahead,heliftedthedressslowly.Onceitwasovermybottom,hegroaned.I

liftedmyarms,andhepulleditupandoff.Ididn’tmove.Iknewwhathewaslookingat,andIclosedmy
eyestightly.Ihadn’tlookedatmybuttinthemirrorinalongtime.Therewasagoodchanceitwas
dimply.Ireallyhopeditwasn’t.Iwalkedalotstill.Iwassurewalkingallmylifehadbeenonereason
mybottomwasn’tmassive.

Hisfingertipbrushedtheundersideofmyleftbuttcheek,andIgasped,butIdidn’tmove.Hewas

touchingme.Barely.

“There’safrecklerighthere.Ilovethisfreckle.Bestfuckingfreckleintheworld,”hesaidinathick,

deepvoice.

ThenIheardhimmove,andIglancedbacktoseehimgoingdownonhisknees.Istartedtoturn,andhis

handsgrabbedmywaistandheldmestill.

“Please,Reese.Don’t.Notyet,”hebegged.SoIstayedstill.
Hiswarmbreathhoveredovermyskin,andItrembled.Knowinghisfacewassoclosetoanypartof

mewasexciting,butthiswasalmosttoomuch.Thenhislipsgrazedthesamespothe’dtouched,andI
releasedastrangledcryfromtheshockandpleasure.

“Justhadtokissit,”hesaid,pressinghislipsagainstthatspotagain.Thenhishandsslidupovermy

bottom,andhesqueezedgently.“Swear,Reese,thisassisperfection,”hesaidinareverenttone.“So
fuckinggladyoudidn’twearthisswimsuitinfrontofothermentonight.Thisismyass.Idon’twant
anyoneelseseeingthisjuicylittlepieceofheaven.”

Iclosedmyeyestightly.WasIreallylettinghimkneelbehindmeandplaywithmybottom?Myheart

wasracing,andthefeverinmybodywasatanall-timehigh.

Masemovedsomeoftheswimsuitcoveringmybuttoveruntilmoreofmycheekwasbaredand

pressedanotherkisstome.Oh,God,hewaskissingmybottom.

“Youevensmellgooddownhere.Icansmellhowthisexcitesyou.Itmixeswellwiththatsweetcream

cinnamonsmellthatclingstoyou.”

IreallyneededsomethingtoholdontobeforeImeltedintoapuddle.Mykneesbuckledalittle,and

Mase’shandstightenedonmywaistashestoodbackupbehindme.Hedidn’tcovermybaredcheekback
up,andheslidhisbodyupagainstmine.

Hekissedmyshoulder,thenbrushedmyhairbackoffmyneckandranhisnoseoverthecurveofmy

ear.“Idon’twanttodoanythingyouaren’treadyfor.ButIwanttotouchyou.That’sall.Nothingmore.
Areyoureadyforthat?Ifnot,it’sOK.Icanjustlook.”Itsoundedlikethatlastpartwasrippedfromhim
unwillingly.

Allthosebeautifulwomenthrowingthemselvesathim,andhewantedme.Hechoseme.Icouldlethim

touchmesome.Iwasn’tpanickedyet,andrightnow,allIcouldthinkaboutwasMaseandhowhefelt.
Howhemademefeel.“Yes,”Isaid,soundingasifIwascompletelyoutofbreath.

Heranafingerdownmyneckandwrappedastrandofhairaroundhisfinger.“Thankyou.Fortrusting

me.Youdon’thaveto,andknowingthatyoulikemytouchisthemostfuckingbeautifulthinganyone’s
evergivenme.”

Hedidn’tstartgropingatmybody.Instead,westoodthere,asheplayedwithmyhairandcontinued

runninghisnoseandlipsovermyneckandear.Islowlyleanedbackintohimasmybodyrelaxedunder
hisgentlecaress.

“Yourhairislikeplayingwithsilk,”hewhispered.“Andyourskin.”Heranahanddownmybarearm

andslidthatsamehandoverthebuttcheekhehadleftexposed.“I’vedecidedI’mobsessedwithsilk,”he
added.

Istartedtosquirmwhenhishandslidbackupmybody,circlingaroundtothefrontandstoppingonmy

stomach.“Turnaround,andletmeseeyou,”hesaid,steppingbackfromme.

Iwasbreathingheavily,andIknewhecouldseeit.Butfacinghimmadeitmorereal.Iwouldbeable

toseehimashelookedatme.

Hisgazerandownmybodyslowly,thenbackupagain.Therewasaworshipfullookonhisfacethat

mademefeelcherished.Important.Protected.

ThosewerethreethingsIhadneverfelt.
Iwouldnotcry.
Hesteppedcloserandplacedhisfingertipsonmystomach,tracingmybellybutton.Thenbothhands

wereonme,ashemovedthemupslowlyuntilhegrazedthebottomsofmybreasts.Withonefinger,he
tracedmycleavageanddippedintothecrevicebetweenmybreasts.“Iwantthesebareandinmyhands,”

hesaid,asheliftedhiseyestomeetmineinasilentrequest.

Iinhaledsharplybutnotfromfear.Iwantedthat,too.Theareasaroundmynippleswereinpain,they

achedsobadly.“OK,”Isaid,knowinghewouldn’tdoanythinguntilIsaidhecould.

Heslidhisarmsaroundmeanduntiedthehaltertopandthebackofmysuit.Itfellawayanddriftedto

thefloor,andmyboobsbouncedfree.

“Fuck,thoseareamazing,”hebreathed,ashishandscuppedthemandhisthumbplayedwithmy

nipples.“CanItastethem?”Hesoundedlikehewasbeggingagain.

“Yes,”Isaidbreathily,reachingouttograbhisarmsincasemykneescompletelygaveout.
Masegrowledandloweredhishead.Thenhistongueflickedatmyrightbreast.Hemadeapleased

soundinhischestbeforehepulledanentirenippleintohismouthandsuckedonit.

Mylegswentweak,andIcriedoutaspleasurerocketedthroughmybody.
MasepickedmeupbeforeIcollapsedonthefloorandcarriedmeovertothesofa,sinkingdownwith

mefirmlyinhislap.HekissedmylipsasIpanted,stillreelingfromhismouthonmychest.

Oneofhishandsstillkneadedmybreasts,andIwantedhismouththereagain.“CanItastethem

again?”

Inodded,wantingtoshovehisheadbackdowntomybreastsandneverlethimup.
Mase’swarmmouthpulledtheothernippleintohismouth,andIcriedoutagainasmyhandsfistedin

hishair.IworriedthatImighthurthim,butIhadtoholdontosomething.Hishandsheldmybreastsashe
kissedandevennibbledonthem.IwhimperedandcriedouthisnameasIheldhisheadagainstme.I
wantedthistolastforever.

TheachebetweenmylegswassointensenowthatIhadtosquirmandsqueezemylegstogether.

Somethingtomakeitstop.Ineededittostop.

“Spreadyourlegs.I’llmakeitbetter,”Masesaidinademandingtonethatstartledme.
Iwasn’tsurewhattodo.IfIspreadmylegs,Iknewhewasgoingtotouchmethere.Mybodywas

sayingyes,itneededit,butmybrainwastellingmeitwouldhurt.Iwasdirtythere.

“Please,baby.Letmetakecareofthatpussy.It’ssowetIcansmellyou,Reese.It’sdrivingmecrazy.

I’llevenkissitifyou’llletme.Anything,baby.I’lldoanythingforyou.Fuckinganything.”Hesounded
desperate.

Ilovedhim.
Ididn’twanttolosehimtosomewomanwhodidn’tneedtobebegged.
Iwantedtomakehimhappy.
Ipushedthefearbackandopenedmylegsjustenoughsothathishandslippedbetweenthem.Hegently

pulledmylegsopenmore,andIheldmybreathashishandsliddownmythigh.

Ifoughtthepanic.Itriedtokeepitback.ThiswasMase.Hewasgoodtome.Ilovedhim.
Thenafingerslidinsidemybikinibottoms,andtheachevanishedasthememoriescrashedoverme.I

wasgoingtobesick.

Icouldn’tdothis.Oh,God,Icouldn’tdothis.
Ishovedhishandawayandjumpedupandrantothebathroom.Icouldn’tgetsick.
Turningonthefaucet,Isplashedcoldwateronmyfaceseveraltimesandtoldmyselfoverandover

thatIwasOK.

Mase

hadneverhatedanyoneasmuchasIhatedmyselfatthatmoment.TheonlymanIhatedmorewasher

goddamnstepfather.Afraidtotouchher,Istoodbehindherasshesplashedcoldwateronherfaceand
chantedinasoftvoice,“You’reOK.It’sOK.You’reOK.It’sOK.”

Withevery“OK,”mychestfeltlikeitwasbeingrippedwideopen.
Myheadhadbeentellingmetostop.Iwaspushingfortoomuch.ButIcouldn’tstoptouchingher.She

feltsofuckinggood.SeeingherfaceasIgaveherpleasurewaslikecrack.Iwantedmoreandmoreofit.

Ihadscaredherintheend,though.Iwasaskingfortoomuch.
ButIwasn’twillingtoloseher.I’ddowhateverthehellshewantedmeto.Ijustdidn’twanttolose

her.

Afterwhatseemedlikeaneternity,sheturnedoffthewaterandreachedforatoweltodryherface.She

tookseveraldeepbreathsbeforedroppingthetowelandturningtofaceme.

Ihadstartedtoapologizewhenhermouthpuckeredupintoapout,andthensheburstintotears.Shit!
Withoutwaitingforher,Ipulledherintomyarms.Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Ididn’tknowifshewas

cryingbecauseofmeandwhatI’ddoneorifshewascryingbecauseofherownreaction.

“It’sOK,sweetheart.Igotyou.It’sOK,”Isaid,tryingtosootheher.Ihatedthesobsthatcausedher

bodytoshakeinmyarms.

“I’mso-o-o-orry,”shecriedloudly.
Fuckthat.Ipickedherup,carriedhertothebed,andsatdownwithherstillinmyarms.Ileaned

againsttheheadboardandheldherlikeababy,cuddlinghertomychest.“Itoldyounottoapologizeto
me.Ever.It’smewho’ssorry,Reese.”

ShegrabbedmyT-shirtinherfistandcriedharder.
“I’mbr-r-roo-o-ken,”shesobbed.“Youdo-o-on’tha-avetose-e-ttleforbr-r-r-ooo-oken.”Sheletout

aloudwaillikeshewasmourningadeath.

God,Iswore,ifIeverfoundthemanwhodidthistoher,hewouldpay.
Ituckedherheadundermychinandtightenedmyholdonher.“Youareperfect.Soperfectthatyoutake

mybreathaway.I’mcompletelyobsessedwithyou.You’reallIseeanymore,Reese.Nothingaboutyouis
broken.Please,don’tletmeeverhearyousaythatagain.IwantyoutoseeyourselfthewayIdo.This
breathtakingbeautywhohasmesocompletelyfascinated.She’safighter.She’sstrong.She’sfun,andshe
iskindandhonest.Shedoesn’tjudgeothers.Sheacceptspeopleforwhotheyare.Shedoesn’texpect
anythingbutgivesbeautytotheworldaroundherfreely.ThatiswhoIsee,Reese.Thatiswhoyouare.
Seethat,too,sweetheart.Please,seethat,too.”

Hercryingdissolvedintolittlehiccups,buthergriponmyshirtonlyintensified.Iwatchedasshe

finallytiltedherheadbacktolookupatmewithred,swolleneyes.Evennow,shewasstillamazing.

“Youthinkthat...aboutme?”
Ipressedakisstoherforehead.“Yes,Ido.”
Shestartedtosaysomething,andherbodytensed.Iknewshewasjustnowrealizingthatshewasstill

topless.Ishiftedquickly,pulledmyshirtoff,andslippeditonher.Ididn’twanthertomove.Notyet.

Shehelpedbyputtingherarmsthroughtheholes.Itwastoobigonher,butseeinghercoveredupinmy

shirtstrokedmypossessivebeast.

“Thankyou,”shesaid,wrappingherarmsaroundherstomachlikeshewascuddlingwithmyshirt.I

likedthat,too.

“Iaskedfortoomuchtonight.Thiswasmyfault.Iwillbemorecarefulinthefuture.Iswear.Please,

don’tstoptrustingme,”Isaid,needinghertobelieveme.

Shefrowned.“Youalwaysaskedme.Icouldhavesaidno.Itisn’tyourfault.”
Butitwas.“Nexttimeyouwantmore,youwillhavetoaskforit.Iwon’tpushagain.Isweartoyou.”
Thenwewouldbothknowshewantedit.
Shesighedandcoveredherfacewithbothhands.“IwishIwasn’tlikethis.”
Idid,too.Butfordifferentreasons.Iwishedshehadnonightmaresinherpast.Ihatedthatshesuffered

fromsomethingsohorrific.Hell,Ihatedthatshesufferedatall.

“Willyouholdmetonightwhilewesleepagain?”
“Youneverhavetoaskthat,Reese.Theanswerisalwaysyes.”

Latethenextmorning,IleftReesestandingatthedoorwearingmyshirt.ItwasthehardestthingI’dhadto
do.Ididn’tlikeleavingher.Iwantedherwithme.

“Wearmyshirtatnight.IlikeknowingthatyouhavesomethingofminewhenI’mgone.”
ShehadnoddedandletmekissherbeforeItookmyduffelbagandheadedbacktoTexas.

Reese

immywasatmydoorwithtwocappuccinosonMondaymorning.IwassogladtoseehimthatIhugged

himtightlybeforetakingmyjavagoodnessfromhim.“You’reback.Areyoubetter?Canyousleep?”

Hebeamedatme.Helovedtheattention.“Yeah,I’mgood.Ihadafewroughnights,butI’mbetter.I

seetheytookthetapedown.”

Inodded.Itriednottothinkabouttheshooting.FromthelittleIhadseenonthenews,Iknewthat

Jacobwasbeingheldwithoutbail.Hewouldbetriedformurder.AndMelanie’sparentshadcometo
takeherbodybacktoIowatoburyher.

“I’mgladyou’reback.”
“Missedme,didya?Good.IheardyoubrokeThad’sheartwhileIwasgone.Butsinceitwasover

MaseManning,I’mgonnasaythatwasasmartmove,sugar.Thadmightbepretty,andhisassmightbethe
tightestthingI’veeverseen,buthelikestodiphisdickinanewwomaneverydamnnight.Notyourtype
atall.”

Ifrowned,thenlaughedathisdescriptionofThad.“MoreinfothanIneeded,butOK.”
“Drinkthatcappuccino,darling,becauseyou’regonnaneedit.Iheardthatthewickedwitchofthe

beachisback.ShearrivedfromParislatelastnight.Prepareyourselfforthis.Nannetteisanevil,evil
bitch.She’salsogonnatakeonelookatyouandgetpissy.Shedoesn’tdealwellwhenthere’safemale
hotterthansheis,andbaby,youaresmoking.”

IwouldbelyingifIsaidIwasn’tcuriousaboutNan.ShewasMase’ssister.ButIalsohadtotellher

abouthermirror.Masehadn’tbroughtitupagain,butIknewIhadtotellNanwhathadhappened.Every
timeIcleanedthatroom,IsawthatemptyspaceanddreadedhavingtotellherwhatIhaddone.

TherewasagoodchanceNanwouldfireme.Iwaspreparingmyselfforthat,too.ButIwasgoingto

callBlaireFinlaythisafternoonandseeaboutcleaningherhouse.IfIwasfiredfromNan’s,thenatleastI
wouldn’thurtfromthepaycut.

IgrabbedmybackpackandslippeditupmyarmandfollowedJimmyouttohiscar.“Howdidyouhear

aboutThad?”Iasked.

Jimmygrinnedlikeheknewthebestsecretintheworld.“IgotacallfromMaselastnight.Hewanted

tomakesureIwashomeandIwouldbepickingyouupforwork.Healsoexplainedthathe’dneedto
knowthenexttimeIwasoutoftownorcouldn’ttakeyoutowork.Hedidn’twantThadtobemyfirst
call.Hesaidhewouldmakearrangements.”Jimmywiggledhiseyebrows.“Sonaturally,afterthatvery
intimidatingcall,IcalledBlaireandaskedherwhatthescoopwas.Shedidn’tknowthedetails,soshe
calledHarlow,who,ofcourse,knew.ThenBlairecalledmebackandfilledmein.”

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Ican’tbelieveyoucalledBlaireFinlayandaskedherwhatsheknew.”
Jimmylaughedandcrankedthecar.“BlairewasmygirlbeforeshewasaFinlay.Evenmarriedtohot,

sexy-as-hell,dome-nowRushFinlay,she’sstillmygirl.”

ThewayRushlookedathiswife,Icouldn’timaginehewouldlikeanyonecallingBlaire“mygirl”—

evenJimmy,whoapparentlylustedoverRush’sbodyregardlessofhisfriendbeingmarriedtohim.

“Now,tellme,anyyummydeetsyoucanshareaboutMase?”
Ithoughtaboutlastnightandhowgoodhehadmademefeel.EvenafterIlostitandmessedupthe

moment,hehadbeensogentleandsweet.

“Ilovehim.”There,I’dsaidit.Ihadtosaytoitsomeone.
Jimmyslammedonthebrakesandlookedatme.ThankGod,weweren’toutoftheparkinglotyet.

“Youdidnotjustsaythat.”

Ishrugged.“Ican’thelpit.Iwon’ttellhim.Buthemakesitimpossiblenottolovehim.He’sjust...

justwhateverygirldreamsof.Hemakeseverythingrightwhenitallseemswrong.”

Jimmylaidhisheadbackagainsttheseatandgroanedinfrustration.“Babygirl,whatareyouthinking?

Youcan’tfallinlovewithMaseManning.Hedoesn’tevenlivehere,forstarters.Long-distance
relationshipsdon’twork.He’sagrown,veryhealthyman.He’sgonnaneedtogethisgrooveon,andhe’s
gonnahavewomenthrowingthemselvesathimoverinTexas.Youcan’tlovehim.He’sthekindyouenjoy
andappreciate.Notlove.”

Mygoodmoodevaporated.Asickknotformedinmystomach.
WasJimmyright?Probably.HeknewsomuchmoreaboutrelationshipsthanIdid.
DidMasehavetohavesex?Ihadn’tgivenhimsex.Oh,God.
“He’sprobablygotawomaninTexas,maybeevenacouplehegetshisgoodiesfrom.Yougottaknow

that,sweetie.AndI’mbettingyoudidn’thavesexwithhim,didyou?Don’tanswerthat,Iknowyou
didn’t.Iwouldhaveseenitalloveryourfaceifyouhad.SothatmeanshewentbacktoTexashorny.He’s
gonnagetitsomewhere,Reese.Thosearethefacts,andIdon’twantyouhurt.”

Hurt?Iwasdevastated.“ButIlovehim,”wasallIcouldsay.
Jimmyreachedoverandsqueezedmythigh.“I’msorry.Idon’twantyoutobeupset.Butyoudon’t

needtobeblindtothis.Hashetoldyouhelovesyou?”

Ishookmyheadno.
Jimmysighed.“Girl,whatamIgonnadowithyou?Loveisoneofthemthingsyougottabecareful

with.Guardyourself.Istillgotthatfriendwecandouble-datewith.”

MasehadsaidIwashis.Hedidn’twantanyoneelsetoseemeinmyswimsuit.Ididn’tknowifthat

meantwewereexclusive,becauseapparently,Ididn’tknowalot.ButIdidn’twanttogooutwith
someoneelse.AndIdidn’tthinkMasewouldwantmeto.

IfIwashis,hewouldn’tsleepwithsomeoneelse...wouldhe?
TheMaseIknewwouldn’tdothat.Ididn’tbelievehewouldhavesexwithsomeoneelse.Hehadn’t

toldmehelovedme,buthehadsaidthingsthatmademefeellikeIbelongedtohim...andlikehe
belongedtome.Likehewantedtobemine.

“HesaidIwashis,”ItoldJimmy.
Jimmy’seyebrowsshotup.“Really?Hesaidthat?Likehowdidhesayit?Giveittomewordfor

word.Imean,Iknowhedidn’twantThadtakingyouanywhere,butIfiguredhewasprotectingyoufrom
theman-whorewhohadhiseyeonyou.Ididn’tthinkitwasbecausehewaslayingclaimjustyet.”

Ididn’twanttosharemyprivatetimewithMasewithanyoneelse.ButIalsodidn’twanttomakea

mistakeandendupsocompletelybrokenthatIcouldn’teverrecover.“HesaidhewasgladIhadn’tworn
myswimsuitinfrontofeveryoneattheparty,becausehedidn’twantanothermanlookingatwhatwas
his.”

Jimmyletoutalowwhistle.“Maybeyoubetternotdateanyoneelserightnow.MaybeImisjudgedthis.

Idon’twantanangrycowboycomingtoRosemaryBeachreadytokillsomeone.Let’sjustbecareful,
OK?Trynottolovehimtoohard.Guardyourheart,ifyoucan.”

IhadgivenMaseManningmyheartalready.Ididn’thaveanythinglefttoguard.ButIdidn’ttellJimmy

that.

Mase

ordelia’struckwasinmydrivewhenIgotbackfromeatinglunchwithmyparents.NotwhatIwanted

todealwithtoday,orever.Ineededtogetmywalletandheadtothestock-yards.Iwasalreadyrunning
late.

Iopenedthedoortothehouseandcursedmyselfforleavingitunlocked.Apparently,Iwasgoingto

havetostartlockingup,becausemyneighborwasrefusingtolistentomeandgoaway.

“Cord,whereyouat?”Icalledout,whenIopenedthedoortoanemptylivingroom.
“Comefindme,”shecalledoutteasingly.
Shit.Notgood.
Ithrewmyworkglovesdownandtoedoffmybootstokeepfromtrackingmudintothehouse.ThenI

headedtothebedroomtokickoutmyvisitor.

Sureenough,thereshewas,nakedonmybed.Iwasgoingtohavetowashthesheetstogethersmell

offthem.Iwastiredanddonewiththisshit.Shehadtakenitasteptoofarthistime.

“Getyourclothesonandleave.”
“Don’t,Mase.Lookatme.Youwantedthisonce.Weweresogoodtogether.Iwantyou.Sobad,”she

said,openingherlegsandslippingherhandbetweenthemandplayingwithherself.

“You’vegonetoofar,Cordelia.Iwantyououtofmyhouse.IfIneedtocallmymommatocomegetyou

toleave,Iwill,”Ithreatened.Ifiguredtheideaofmymommafindinghernakedinmybedwasenoughto
getanywomanupandmoving.

“Mase,don’tdothis.Please.Imissyou.Ineedyousobad.Iwantyoutofuckmehoweveryouwant

me.I’llgiveyouanythingyouwant.Letmesuckyourdick.Youcangagmewithitlikeyoulovetodo.”

“Stop!”Myangryshoutfinallyshutherup.“I’minlovewithsomeone.She’sallIwant.AllI’mever

gonnawant.SoIneedyoutogetyourclothesandgetoutofmyhouse,Cord.Now.”Iturnedandlefther
there,notlikingtheimageofheronmybed.ThatshouldbeReesethere.Sweet,sexyReese.

IwouldneedtogetnewsheetsandanewmattressbeforeIbroughtReesehere.GetridofwhatI’d

fuckedCordeliaandafewotherwomenon.Reesewastoogoodtobewherethey’dbeen.Shewas
special.

Cord’sfootstepsfinallyalertedmethatshe’dgivenup.WhenIlookedup,shewascarryingherclothes

andstruttingnakedthroughmyhouse.Damn,didshenothaveanyshameatall?Iturnedmybacktoherso
shewouldn’tthinkIwaslookingatherinanywayandenjoyingthisshit.

WhenthedoorslammedbehindherandIheardhertruckstartup,Ifinallyletoutasighofreliefand

headedtomybedroomtostripmydamnsheets.Luckily,mymothermadesureIalwayshadtwosetsof
sheets.Shesaidyoualwaysneededabackup.Likealways,mymotherwasright.

OnceIwasdone,IknewI’dwastedtoomuchtime.Iwouldhavetogotothestockyardfirstthingthe

nextday.IhadamancomingatfourtolookatahorseIwasselling.Ineededtogetthingscleanedup
fromourmorningroutinebeforehegothere.

Majorwaswalkinguptothehousefrommyparents’placewhenIcamebackoutside.“Younotgoing

tothestockyards?”hecalledoutfromdownthehill.

“No,I’mwaitinguntiltomorrowmorning.GotthatquarterI’msellingthatIneedtogetcleanedupfrom

herrunthismorning.”

Majornodded.“I’mheadedout,then.GottobeinSanAntoniotomorrow.Dadwantstomeetwithme.”
Ididn’tenvyhim.Hisrelationshipwithhisdadhadbeenshiteversincehesleptwithhisstepmother

lastyear.“Goodluck,”wasmyonlyresponse.

Heshotmeabirdandheadedbacktowardmyparents’house.
Grinning,Iwenttomytruckandclimbedinside.
Istillcouldn’tbelievethestupidfuckhadsleptwithhisstepmom.Evenifshewasonlythreeyears

olderthanhim.LastIheard,shewasn’thisstepmomanymore.Andthepre-nupshe’dsignedleftherhigh
anddry.

Reese

hadbeenverycarefultostaydownstairsandbequietwhilecleaning.Ididn’twanttowakeupthe

womanallofRosemaryBeachhadtaughtmetofear.ButtodayIactuallyhadsomethingtoclean;shewas
messy.

Ispentmorethananhourcleaningupwhatlookedlikeabottleofwinethathadexplodedalloverthe

kitchenfloor.Shardsofglasslitteredthefloor,anddry,stickydrinkwasallovertheplace.Thecabinets,
floors,counters—everywhere.OnceImanagedtogetthatmesscleanedup,Iwasabletocleanthedishes
andglassesIfoundlitteredaroundthedownstairs.

ThenIfoundpilesofclothesonthelaundry-roomfloor.Mostofthemlookedclean,andIwassure

mostofthemneededtobedry-cleaned.Itlookedlikeshehadjustdumpedthecontentsofherluggageonto
thefloor.Ittookmeanotherhourtosortthedry-cleaningfromtheregularlaundry,andthenIbegan
washingaloadofwhites.

OncethedownstairswassparklingandIhadthewashingundercontrol,itwaspastnoon.IdecidedI

couldkeepquietandworkontheroomsfarthestfromhersonthesecondfloor.Shewouldbeasleepon
thethirdfloor.Iknewwhichroomwashers.

Thebedroomsthathadremaineduntouchedwereeasy.Ijusthadtodustandsweepandmop.Same

routine.WhenIgottothegameroom,Icringed,thinkingofthemirrorIwouldhavetotellherabout.
Therewereemptyglassesinhere,too.Itlookedlikeshemightalreadyknowhermirrorwasmissing.She
musthavehadpeopleinhere.Scrapsoffoodwerescatteredonplates,andthedregsofdifferent
alcoholicdrinkswereleftinglasses.Garbagelitteredthefloor.

Theworstwastheusedcondominthecornerbesidetheleathersofa.Gross.IputontheglovesIhad

boughtwhenIhadstitchesandgotalargewadoftoiletpaperbeforepickingitupanddisposingofthe
condom.Atleasttheuserhadtieditoff.

OnceIfinishedinthegameroom,itwasalmostthree.Iwasnormallydonebythree,butIstillhadthe

upstairstodo.Andshewasstillsleeping.

Iwentbackdownstairs,walkedallthetrashout,andputtherecyclinginthecorrectbins,thencame

backinsideandwasconsideringreorganizingherpantrywhenIheardfootstepsonthestairs.Finally.

Istraightenedmyclothesandtuckedmyloosehairbehindmyears.WhenNannettewalkedintothe

kitchen,shesawmeandscowled,thentossedherhairoverhershoulder.AsI’dpredicted,shewas
stunning.Longstrawberry-blondhairhungdownherback.Shewasbarelycoveredup,inashort,silky
blacknightgownthatshowcasedherperfectpaleskin.

“Youthehousecleaner?”sheasked,soundingpissed.
“Yes,ma’am,”Ireplied.
“Whyareyoustillhere?It’safterthree.Italwaystakeyouthisfuckinglong?”

“I’mfinishedwitheverythingbutupstairs.Iwaswaitingforyoutowakeup.”
Shescrunchedhernoseatme.“Well,gocleanit.I’mawake.Stopstandingtheregawkingatme.”
Ineededtotellheraboutthemirror,butshedidn’tlooklikeshewantedtochatjustyet.SoIhurried

upstairsquicklyandfocusedoncleaningeverythingIcould.Ididn’twanthertohaveonecomplaint.
Otherthanthemirror.

Ittookmetwomorehoursupstairs.Shehadleftawakeofdisasterinherroom.Itmadetherestofher

houselookpositivelyspotless.

WhenIwassatisfied,Iheadedbackdownstairstoseehercurleduponthesofawiththeremoteinher

handandacupofcoffeeonthetablebesideher.Shelookedmoreawakenow.

“Tookyoulongenough.You’reslow.Speeditup,oryou’regone,”shesnapped.
“I’msorry.Iwill,”Ireplied,thinkingitwasunfairthatshethoughtIcouldgoanyfaster.
Sherolledhereyesanddismissedmewithaflickofherhand.Ihadtotellheraboutthemirror,though.

ItwouldkeepmeupnightsworryinguntilIdid.

“Whileyouweregone,therewasanaccidentwhenIwascleaningthewindowsinthegameroom.I

fell,andthemirrorbesidethewindowoverlookingtheGulfcamedownwithme.Itshattered,andthe
framebroke.Iwillpayforitoutofmypaycheckuntilit’scompletelycovered.I’mreallysorry—”

“Thehellyouwill.You’llpaymerightnow.Thatmirrorcostmorethanfivethousanddollars.Itcame

fromParis,asdidmostofthefurnishingsinthishouse.”

Ididn’thavefivethousanddollars.Ihadtwothousandsaveduprightnow,butthatwasit.Howdidone

mirrorcostsomuch?Ihadn’texpectedthis.“I’msorry.Idon’thavethat.Icangiveyoutwothousand
rightnowandthenworkuntilit’spaidfor.That’sthebestIcando,”Iexplained,hopingthiswomanhad
someformofempathyinher.

Sheglaredatme;thosegreeneyesweretakingnoprisoners.Iwasintrouble.Serioustrouble.“No,you

won’t.I’llcontacttheagencyandhavethempaymeback.Theysentmeamoron,sotheycanpayforit.”

IhadtosignaconsentformwhenIstartedworkingforthemthatanydamagethatoccurredwasmy

responsibility.IjustneverimaginedIwouldbreakafive-thousand-dollarmirror.“Theywon’tcoverit.
They’llmakemedoit.It’smyresponsibility.AllIhaveis—”

“Notevenhalf.Iheardyouthefirsttime.Gowhinetosomeoneelse.Iwantmymoney,sofigureitout,

orI’llcallthepoliceandletthemdealwithyourthievingass.”

Thepolice.Oh,God,Iwasgoingtogotojailoverthis.“Ididn’tstealit.Itbroke,”Istartedtoexplain.
“Shutup!Getoutofmyhouse.Thereisnoproofthatitwasbroken.It’snothere.Iwantmyfive

thousandforit,oryoucantellthecopsyoudidn’tstealit.Now,getoutofmyhouse.”

Ididn’tsayanythingelse.ShelookedreadytoexplodeifIspoketoheragain.ThiswasnotwhatIhad

imagined.Notatall.Ithoughtshe’dbemad,butIthoughtshe’datleastletmepayherback.

Ihurriedtothedoorandgotmybackpackbeforerunningtothemainroad.Offherproperty.Ihada

lessontonightwithDr.Munroe,butIcouldn’tgo.Ineededtogohomeandfigureoutwhattodo.Icalled
theprofessorandtoldhimIwasn’tfeelingwell,thenwalkedhomeslowly.

Mase

hententhirtyrolledaroundandIstillhadn’tgottenacallfromReese,Icalledherinstead.Something

waswrong.She’dhavecalledmebynowifeverythingwasfine.Thephoneranguntilitwenttovoice
mail.Ihungupandtriedagain.Thesamething.

Itriedtotellmyselfnottopanic,andIdialedJimmy’snumber.
Heansweredonthethirdring.“Hel—”
“HaveyouseenReese?”Iasked,notlettinghimfinishhisgreeting.
“Yeah,shewaswalkinghomelaterthanusual,andIgaveherarideback.Shesaidshehadaheadache

andwasgoingtogetashowerandgotobed.”

Aheadachewasnormal.Ididn’tneedtopanic,butdammit,IwantedtoknowshewasOK.Nothearing

hervoicedidn’tsitwellwithme.“Gocheckonher.She’snotansweringherphone,andIneedtoknow
she’sOK.Shecouldbesick.”

Jimmysighed.“Iamassumingthiscommandalsomeansyouwillbestayingonthephonewithme

whileIdoyourbidding.”

Ididn’tevencarethathewasbeingasmart-ass.IjustwantedtoknowthatReesewasOK.“Yeah,

that’swhatitmeans.”

“Fine.Butifshe’ssleeping,thisisgoingtowakeherup.”
I’dthoughtaboutthat,butIcouldn’tnotknow.Ikeptimagininghersickinthebathroom,tooweakto

callsomeone,orpassedoutonthefloor.Myfearsweregettingmoreexaggeratedbythesecond.

“Yousureareprotectiveoverher.You’dthinkthetwoofyouwereinaseriousrelationship,”hesaidin

anamusedtone.

“Weareinaserious,veryexclusiverelationship.Didshenottellyouthat?”
Jimmyclearedhisthroat.“Shewasn’tsurewhatyouwerein.Butshedidtellmeshecouldn’tdouble-

datewithmebecauseshedidn’tthinkyou’dlikethat.”

DamnrightIwouldn’tlikeit.WhatdidReesethinkallthatwasthisweekend?Icametotownjustto

stopherfromdatingsomeoneelse.Imademyinterestveryclear,overandover.“Shethoughtright,”was
myonlyresponse.Thiswasn’taconversationIneededtohavewithJimmy.

“Iguessifyou’renotgettinganyontheside,then—”
“Jimmy,areyoutryingtofindoutifI’mfuckingotherwomenwhileI’minTexas?Becauseifthatis

whatthisisandyou’retryingtoprotectReese,thenunderstandsomething:Idon’twantanyonebutReese.
Ever.Sostoptryingtorilemeup,andgocheckonmywoman.Now.”

Jimmychuckled.“Well,allright,then.Icandothat.”
Ibreathedasighofrelief.Shewasn’tthinkingofdatingotherpeople.JimmyjustwantedtoseeifI

was.I’dbepissedathimifitwasn’tforthefactthathecaredabouther.Hewasjusttryingtowatchout

forher.Ilikedthat.

IwaitedwhileJimmywalkedovertoReese’sapartmentandknockedonthedoor.“Reese,honey.If

you’reawake,couldyouopenup?Igotanangrycowboyonmyphoneinterruptingmysoaps.”

IwaitedwhileIlistenedtoJimmyknockagain.
“Ihearthelatch,”Jimmysaid,andthepanicslowlystartedtoebb.
“Hey,”hersoftvoicesaidfrominsideherapartment.
“Youwannatalktohim?”Jimmyasked.
Iheardthemuffledsoundofthemwhisperingwithahandoverthereceiver.Ihatedit.Somethingwas

wrong.IwasgoingtohavetoleaveshithereagainandgobacktoRosemaryBeach.

“Hey,sorry.Iwasasleep.Itwasalongday.”Reese’svoicecameoverthephone,thickwithsleep.She

wasn’tlying.She’dbeeninbed.ShewasOK.

“Doyoufeelsick?HaveJimmycheckyourtemperature,”Isaid,feelinganxiousthatsomethingwasoff.
“I’mfine.Nofever,Ipromise.I’llcallyoutomorrow.Ijustneededtosleeptonight.ButI’mnotsick.I

don’tfeelsick.”

Somethingwaswrong.Icouldfeelit.“OK.Sleep,then,baby.I’llwanttohearyourvoiceinthe

morning,though.Iwon’tbeabletofocusuntilIknowyou’rebetter.”

“I’llcall,”sheassuredme.
“Goodnight.Sweetdreams,”Iwhispered,justbeforeendingthecall.
Fuck,Iwasn’tgoingtogetanysleepnow.Somethingwaswrong,andshewasn’tgoingtotellmewhat

itwas.Ihadsoldthequarterhorsetoday,butIhadtobeherewhenthebuyercametoloaditup
tomorrow.Hewasalsobringingthechecksowecouldfinalizethepaperwork.ThenIhadtogotothe
stockyardsandgetsomecattle.Ishouldhavegoneyesterday.Asitwas,Iwasbehindonshit.

ButReeseneededme,andIcouldn’tbethere.AnotherreasonIwantedherhere.Hell,Icouldn’ttell

herthatyet,though.Shewasn’tevenreadytoletmetouchherpussy.

Throwingmyphonedown,Iwenttothefridgetogetabeer.Ihadalongnightaheadofme,andifI

startedthinkingaboutReese’spussy,itwasjustgoingtogetlonger.

Reese

hadn’tsleptawinkafterJimmycameknockingonmydoor.HearingMase’svoiceandhisconcernhad

sentmeintoafitoftears.ThenI’dsatupandthoughtofeverywaypossibleIcouldmakemoney,andfast.
WhenIgotmypaycheckthisweek,itwouldgivemetwenty-eighthundreddollarstotaltomyname.I
wouldstillneedtwenty-twohundredmore.

Iwasafraidtotrytogetanightjobwaitingtables.WhenIgotstressedorpanicky,Istillhadtrouble

makingoutwords.Andmywritingwasn’tsogoodyet.IdoubtedI’devenbeabletofilloutthe
application.Ihadwatchedthesunrise,knowingIwasjustgoingtohavetoseehowthisplayedout.Ifshe
reportedthemirrorstolen,thentheycouldn’tarrestmewithoutproof.AndIhadproofofasliced-open
handtoholdupmysideofthestory.

Themostajudgewoulddowasmakemepayherback,whichwaswhatIhadalreadytoldherIwould

do.IknewIhadtocallMasethismorning.Hewasworriedlastnight,butIjustcouldn’ttalktohimyet.

Thiswholemesswastooupsetting.IfItoldhimaboutwhathissisterwasthreateningtodo,Iwas

afraidhe’dthinkIwantedhimtopayherbackforme.Icouldn’tlethimdothatorthinkthatIwouldwant
that.Thiswasmyproblemtodealwith,nothis.

Ipressedhisnumber,anditbarelyrangoncebeforeheanswered.
“Goodmorning.Areyoufeelingbetter?”Hisvoicemadeallthebadstuffplaguingmefadeaway.I

missedhim.Ilovedournightlytalks.Lastnight,Ihadwantedtotalktohim,butIknewIcouldn’t.He
couldtellIwasupset,andIcouldn’thideitfromhim.

“Yes.I’mmuchbetter.Thankyou.Sorryaboutlastnight,”Ireplied.
“YoubeingOKisallI’mworriedabout.AlthoughIwon’tlie,Imissedyourvoicereadingtomelast

night.Hardtosleepwithoutthat.”

IsmiledforthefirsttimesincetheawfulmeetingwithNanyesterday.Hemademehappy,evenwhen

thingssucked.“Thatnormallydoesn’thappentome.Butifiteverhappensagain,Ipromisetocallbefore
Igotosleep.Ishouldhavethoughtofcallingyouearlierandlettingyouknow.”Tryingtosoundnormal
wasnoteasy.ButIwasdoingthebestIcould.

“I’llletyougettowork.Haveagoodday,baby.”
Isaidgood-byeandhungup,lettingthewarmfeelingIgotwhenhecalledme“baby”staywithmemost

ofthemorning.

ItwasalmostnoonwhenIgotthecallfromthecleaningagencyIhadbeenfired.Nanhadcalledthem,and
theywantednoconnectionwithme.Iwastocomepickupmycheckandnotreportfortheothertwo

housesIhadscheduledforthatweek.ImanagedtofinishcleaningtherestoftheCarters’housethat
afternoonwithoutbreakingdown.

Iwasgoingtobefine.IwouldcallBlaireFinlay.Twohouseswouldpaythebills.Iwouldn’thaveany

leftoverforextrasorsavings,sopayingNanbackwasgoingtobedifficult.Ihadtofindonemorehouse
toclean,atleast,oranotherjob.

BeforeIwenthometoday,IwasgoingtocutNanacheckfortwothousandfourhundreddollars.That

wasallIhadrightnow.Iwouldn’tthinkabouttherentjustyet;Iwouldworryaboutthatnextweek.Right
now,IneededtoshowthatIwastryingtopayforthemirror.Ididn’twantthecopscomingafterme.

TheideaoffacingNanagainwasterrifying.However,whenIfinallygottoherhouse,thereweretwo

carsparkedoutside,Nan’sexpensivelittlesportscarandablackSUV.Havingcompanycouldbeagood
thing.Surelyshewouldn’tbenastyinfrontofguests.

Aftergivingmyselfapeptalk,Iwentupthefrontstepsandrangthedoorbell.Iwouldgiveherthe

check,apologizeagain,andpromisemoremoneyassoonaspossible.ThenIwouldleave.Icoulddothis.

ThedoorswungopensoonerthanI’dexpected,andNan’sexpressionimmediatelyturnedintoa

disgustedsneer.“Whatareyoudoinghere?Icalledtheagencyandhadyoufired.DoIneedtocallthe
cops,too?”

IwentoverwhatIhadpracticedinmyhead.“HereisacheckwitheverythingIhaverightnow.I’llget

youmoreassoonasIcan.I’mreallysorryaboutthemirror,”Isaid,myvoiceonlycrackingoncefrom
nerves.

RushFinlaywalkedupbehindNan.Hewasn’tsmiling.Whatwashedoinghere?
“Nan?What’sgoingon?Didyoujustsayyouhad—”Hestoppedandlookedatme.“It’sReese,

correct?”Inodded.“DidyouhaveReesefired?”

“Shestoleafive-thousand-dollarmirrorfrommyhouse!Yes,Ihadherfired.Thisisacheckfornot

evenhalfofit,andshethinksthatmakesitOK,”Nanspatout.

Rushdidn’tlooklikehebelievedher.Heturnedbacktome.“Reese,didyoustealamirror?”
Ishookmyhead.“No.Ididbreakit,though.Ifell.Itwasanaccident.Iexplained,but—”
“She’slying!She’sthecleaninglady,Rush!God!Doyoualwayshavetotakeeveryoneelse’ssideover

mine?I’vebeengoneformonths,andthisiswhatIgetasawelcomehome?Athievinghousecleanerand
mybrotheronceagaintakingotherpeople’ssidesagainstme?”Shewasyellingnow.Butthefactthat
she’dcalledRushherbrotherconfusedme.HowwasRushherbrother?Masewasherbrother,butRush
andMaseweren’tbrotherstoeachother.

“Shebroughtyouacheckandispromisingtobringyoumorewhenshecan.Doesthatsoundlike

someonewhostoleyourmirror?No,itdoesn’t.Calmthefuckdown,andthinkaboutthisshitbeforeyou
react.You’renottengoddamnyearsoldanymore,Nan.Growup.”Rushwasclearlyannoyed.

“I’mgoingtogo.I’llbebackwiththerestofthemoneyassoonasIcan,”Isaidagain,thenhurried

downthesteps.

Iprobablyshouldhavestuckaroundandcontinuedtodefendmyself.TherewasagoodchanceRush

mightstarttobelieveher,andthenIwouldn’tgetthatjobworkingathishouse.Iwouldhavetowaitto
callBlaireaboutthejob.AtleastIhadawitnesswhosawthatI’dpaidhersomeforthemirrorand
promisedtopaymoresoon.

Itwasaneight-milewalkhomefromhere.IhadenoughtimetothinkaboutwhatIwoulddotherestof

theweeksinceInolongerhadhousestoclean.

Mase

yphonerangasIwaspullingintothehouseafteralongdayatthestockyards.

ItwasRush.
“Hello,”Isaid,notusedtogettingcallsfromhim.
“Nan’sbackhome,”hesaid,notsoundingrealhappyaboutit.Couldn’tsayIblamedhim,butthen,I

thoughthelovedhissister.

“Yeah,”Isaid,wonderingwhatthisshithadtodowithme.
“YouknowanythingaboutamirroratNan’shouse?”
Shit!Ihadforgottenaboutthemirror.AndNanbeinghome.Motherfucker.Reesewouldhavegoneto

cleanyesterday.Suddenly,herheadachemadeahellofalotmoresense.

“FirstmorningImetReese,shefellcleaningthewindow,andthefuckingmirrorcrasheddownaround

her.Slicedopenherhand.Ihadtotakehertogetstitches.Iforgotaboutthatdamnthing.IfiguredNan
wouldn’tevennotice.”ButIknewshehad.BecauseRushwascallingme.Ifshe’dbeencrueltoReese,
I’dbepayingheravisit,anditwouldn’tbeoneshefuckingwanted.

“Sheprobablywouldn’thave.ExceptReesetoldheraboutitandpromisedtopayherback,”Rush

said,stillsoundingannoyedbysomething.

“Shit!Ishould’vereplacedthedamnthing.Ijustgot...busywithstuffandforgot.”
“Yeah,youshouldhave.ShebroughtNanacheckfortwothousandfourhundreddollarstodayafter

Nanhadherfiredfromtheagency.Myguessisshelostallherjobs.Andshe’sfuckingbroke.Iwasgoing
totakethecheckawayfromNan,butIwasafraidshe’dpresschargesagainstReeseorsomestupidshit
likethat.I’mthinkingReesemightneedalittlehelprightnow.”

“Twothousand?Whatthehell!HowmuchdoesNanwantforthedamnmirror?”
Shewasthemeanest,mostvindictivebitchIhadevermet.Whenshe’dofferedtohelpHarlowwitha

bloodtransfusionafterLilaKate’sbirth,Ithoughtforamomentthatshe’dfoundaheart.Butapparently
not.

“She’sclaimingitcostfivegrandandcamefromParis.I’mcallingbullshitonthat,butshe’s

determinedtogethermoneyforit.IfiguredIwouldstopthisifyoudidn’t.Ijustknowthatifitwas
Blairebeingfuckedwith,I’dwanttobetheonerightingthewrong.Notsomeoneelse.”

“I’llbetherebymorning.Don’tletNangetnearReeseagain.I’mcomingtosettlethisshitandbring

Reesebackwithme.Ican’tgetthingsdone,becausemymind’salwaysonher.Iwantherhere.”

“Nanwillstayawayfornow.Iwasn’thappy,andsheknowsI’mpissed.Ialsoinformedherthatshe’d

justfuckedwithyourgirlfriend.Shedidn’ttakethatinfowell.IbelievewhenIleft,shewasrantingabout
‘notbelievingthisfuckingshit.’”Rushchuckled.Butmymindwasalreadyontothenextthing.Ihad
planstomakeandagirltopersuadetomovetoTexaswithme.

AfterendingthecallwithRush,IstartedpackingandmadephonecallstomystepdadandMajor.Itold

themtherewassomestuffIneededtohandleoutoftownandleftthemwiththelistofthingsIneededhelp
withwhileIwasgone.

ThenIheadedtotheairportandtookthefirstflightout.

NotgoingdirectlytoReesewashard.ButIwasgoingtodealwithmy“dearsister”first.Theplane
toucheddownclosetomidnight.IhadarrangedforRushtosendthetruckIusuallyborrowedwhenIwas
intowntotheairport.

ItwasalittleaftertwointhemorningwhenIpulleduptoNan’sgateafterpluggingthecodeintothe

securitybox.Lightswerestilloninthehouse.Shewasstillawake.Good.Iwouldn’thavetowakeher
up.

Ididn’tbotherknocking,Ijustusedthecodeandwentonin.Icouldhearthetelevisionandlaughterin

themediaroom.Iwalkedthroughthefoyerandheadedstraightforthenoise.

Nanwasonthesofawithaglassofwineinherhand,tellinganothergirlwhosatacrossfromherabout

somethingthatwasapparentlyhilarious.Ididn’tseeNanasthefunnytype.Oragoodstoryteller.

Hereyescaughtmine,andshejoltedrightbeforetheangerflashedinhereyes.“Youcan’tbargeinto

myhouselikethis,Mase.I’mcallingthecops,”shesnapped.

“Please,do.I’lljustcallourfatherandlethimdealwiththem,sincethisishishouse.He’sletme

knowmorethanoncethatI’mwelcometouseitwheneverIwantto.”

JustlikeIknewtheywould,mywordsstoppedhercold.ShehatedanyreasontoinvolveKiroinher

life.AndshealsoknewIwasright.Thiswasn’therhouse.Shedidn’tpayforitoronedamnthinginit.I
foundoutthatlastbitwhenIcalledKirowhilewaitingformyflight.Hepaidforthehousetocome
furnished.Thatmirrorwasn’tsomethingshe’devenbought.Bitch.

Meanbitch.
“Ican’tbelieveyou’reherebecauseofher.Shewasmyhousecleaner,Mase.Surelyyoucandobetter

thanthat.It’skindoflowforKiro’sson.DoesDaddyDearestknowyouwerebangingthehelpwhileyou
werehere?”TherewasabitternesstoNanthatIhadneverseeninanyoneheragebefore.Itateherup.
Madehercruelandheartless.Andsofuckingshallow.

“Thisisyouronlywarning,littlesister.YousayonemorenegativewordaboutReese,andI’llmake

sureyouregretitforyears.Doyouunderstandme?BecauseIsweartoGod,Iamdeadserious.”

Herlipdrewupinasnarl,andsheturnedtolookatherfriend.“I’msorryaboutthis,Laney.I’msure

he’llbegoneoncehe’sdonebitching.”

Ibarelyglancedattheredhead,butIhadseenenoughtoknowshewasmoreinterestedinmebeing

herethanNanwas.“IcalledKiro.Thisplacewasboughtfurnished.Thatdamnmirrordidn’tcostfive
grand.Furthermore,Ididsomemoreresearch.Reesefellandslicedherhandopeninyourhouseonyour
thingswhileworking.Shethengotfiredforit.I’mherwitness,becauseIwashere,andIwastheonewho
rushedhertothehospitaltogetitstitchedup.There’samedicalrecordofthestitches.WayIseeit,Reese
needsalawyer,’causeshe’sgotonehellofacase.Thiswholesituationisafuckinglawsuitjustwaiting
tohappen.Shewashurtonthejobandthenfiredoverit.Shecansuethecleaningagency,andshecan
fuckingsueyou.Wouldn’tthatmaketheheadlines?”

Nan’seyeswentwide,andIenjoyedeverydamnminuteofitasmywordssankin.
“I’mevengoingtosuggestthatshesueyouforthemoneyshe’salreadygivenyou,plusamillion

dollarsforpainandsuffering.YouareKiroManning’sdaughter,afterall.Shemightaswellgoforalot.
Youcanaffordit.”

Nanletoutalaughthatsoundedforced.“Shecan’taffordadamnlawyer.That’snotgoingtohappen.”

“Shewon’thavetopayforone.I’vealreadycalledmine.”
Nanslammedherwineglassdownandstoodup.“Really,Mase?You,too?Thewholedamnfamily

hatesme.Nowyou’regoingtotakesideswithsomegirlyou’refucking?”

Itookasteptowardher,remindingmyselfthatIdidn’thitwomen.Butdammit,thatwashard.Iwanted

towringherneck.“Don’t.Ever.Call.Reese.That.Again.She’smorethanyoucouldeverimagine.She
doesn’tevenknowI’mhere,becauseshedidn’ttellmeaboutthisbullshitwithyou.Rushdid.”Iletthat
sinkin.ThenIaddedonemorething.“Youbringthehateonyourself,Nan.Stopbeingabitch.”

IhadsaidwhatIcametosay.Turning,Iheadedforthedoor.
“Rushcalledyou?”Hervoicesoundedsmaller.Eventhebrothersheadored,wholovedherwhenno

oneelsedid,wasdonewithherbullshit.Shewasgettingthat,finally.

“Yeah.Hedid.HehatestoseeReesesufferatyourevilhands,too,”Isaid,glancingbackather.
Shedidn’tlooksoangryanymore.Crestfallenwasabetterdescription.Itwasashametherewasn’t

onesmallpieceofmethatcared.Wesharedafather,butIhatedthiswoman.Notjustforwhatshehad
donetoReesebutforhowshehadtreatedHarlowwhenshefirstcametoRosemaryBeach,too.Ididn’t
hateeasily,butNanmadesuretobringthatemotionoutinpeople.

“Wait.Here,takethedamncheck.Idon’twantanymoremoney.ButIdon’twanttoseeheragain,

either.Sheisn’tgettingherjobback.”

Iturnedandtookthecheckfromheroutstretchedhand.She’djustleftallofReese’slifesavingslying

thereonhercoffeetableunderabowloffruit,asifitwereanapkin.

Tuckingitsafelyintomypocket,IgaveNanonelastpityinglook.“Ihopeyoufigureoutonedaythat

pissandvinegarain’tattractive.Afterawhile,youcanturneveryoneawayfromyouforgood.Snapout
ofwhateverthisshitisthatcontrolsyourhead,andchange.Becauseyou’velosteveryoneelsealready.
Don’tloseRush,too.”

Thepainthatslicedthroughherexpressionwasenough.Ileft.
Iwasreadytogotakecareofmygirl.

Reese

ringinginthedistanceinterruptedmydreams,andIturnedincirclestolookforthesource.Isaw

nothingbutthecloudsaroundme.Theringingstopped,butthenitstartedupagain.Frustrated,Istomped
myfeet,butthenitdawnedonme.Thiswasadream.

Myeyessnappedopen,andtheringingwasmycellphone.Rubbingmyeyes,Isatupandlookedforit,

stillalittledisoriented.Thesunhadn’trisen,anditwasstillverydarkoutside.Ithadtakenmeforeverto
fallasleep.

Myphonecontinuedtoringuntil,finally,Isawthescreenglowinginthedarkness.Iclimbedoutofbed

andpickeditupfromwhereithadfallentothefloor.Cowboyboots.Mase.

“Hello,”Isaidinahoarsewhisper.
“Youhavesomeoneatyourdoor.Couldyouopenitsobothofyoucancrawlbackintobedandgoto

sleep?”hesaidinhisdeep,sexydrawlontheotherendoftheline.

Ifrowned,andthenIheardtheknock.IttookmeafewsecondstoregisterthatMasewasatmydoor.I

droppedmyphoneontothebedandtookoffrunningtoopenthedoor.Whywashehere?Hisphonecall
earliertonighthadbeensoshortithadworriedme.Hehadn’tevenaskedmetoreadtohim.

Thiswaswhy.Hewascomingtoseeme.
Ithrewopenthedoor,andhesteppedintotheapartment,lookingasperfectasalways.ItwasthenthatI

realizedmyhairwasprobablystickingupeverywhere.Ihadn’tevencheckedmyselfinthemirror.

Buthewashere.Ijustdidn’tcareaboutanythingelse.
“SorryIwokeyouup,butIdidn’twanttosleepinthetruckallnightwhenIcouldcrawlintobedand

sleepwithyouinmyarms.”

Swoon.Thismanandhiswords.
Igrinned.IwassohappytoseehimIcouldn’thelpit.IknewIhadthesillygrinonmyfacethatIgot

whenIwasgiddy.ButhavingMaseheremademegiddy.Ihadn’texpectedtoseehimagainsosoon,and
aftertheweekI’dhadsofar,Ineededthis.

Justbeingwithhimfixedeverything.
Heclosedthedistancebetweenusandranhishandovermyhairwithanamusedsmirkonhislips.“I

likethis.Seeingyoulikethis.”

Iwantedtomeltintohim.“You’rehere,”wasallIcouldsay.
Henodded.“Iam.Wecantalkaboutittomorrow.Let’sgetyoubackintobed.”
Hewascomingwithme.Thiswas...oh,crap.Iwasdreaming.Iwouldhavebetthiswasadream.It

wastheonlythingthatmadesense.Ididn’twantthistobeadream.Iwantedhimtobehere,dammit.

“Pinchme,”Itoldhim,ashishandslippedtomylowerback.
Hefrowned.“WhywouldIdothat?”

“ToproveI’mnotdreaming,”Iexplained.
Hisdeepchucklemademetingleallover.“HowaboutIdothisinstead?”hesaid,justbeforehismouth

coveredmine.

Ihadstartedtoopenforhimwhenhegentlybitmybottomlipwithasmallsnapthatcausedmetojump.

“See,baby?You’reawake,”hesaid,slidinghishanddownovermybottomandsqueezingitoncebefore
movingitbackuptomylowerback.

Iwantedmoreofthat,buthewasonceagainleadingmebacktothebedroom.
“Whyareyouhere?”Iasked,whenhestraightenedthemessycoversandpulledthembackforme.I

crawledinobediently.

“BecauseIneededtoseeyou,”hesaidsimply.
Iwatchedhimtakeoffhisbootsandunbuttonhisflannelshirtandthrowitontothechair.Hewas

wearinganundershirtthatfitsosnuglyIcouldmakeouteverybeautifullineofdefinitiononhischestand
back.Whenheturnedtogetintobedbesideme,Ipulledthecoversbackforhim.Ididn’twanthimto
thinkhestillhadtosleeponthetop.Hestillhadonhisjeans.Thosecouldn’tbecomfortable.

“Youcantakeoffyourjeans.You’llsleepbetter,”Itoldhim,beforehesankdownonthebedbeside

me.

Hepausedforonlyamomentandthenstartedunbuttoninghisjeans.Ifelthisgazeonmeashedidit,

butIwastoorivetedtolookathisface.Hisbighandsquicklyunzippedthejeans,andtheyslippeddown
histhick,muscularthighs.Ihadtogulpinair.I’dforgottentobreathe.

“Yousureyou’reOKwiththis?Icansleepinmyjeans,baby.”
HewasworriedthatIwasfreakingoutoverhimbeinginhisunderwear.Well,Iwasfreakingoutbut

foradifferentreason.MaseManningreallymadewhiteboxerbriefslookyummy.Ihadbeenpanicked
afterbreakingthatmirror,soenjoyingthatfirstglimpsehadn’tbeenonmyagendathatdayButrightnow.
..

“I’mgood.Imean,you’regood.Imean,I’mfine,and...oh,justgetintobed,”Irambled.
Masesmirkedthistime.Thenheslidinbesideme,buthewascarefulnottotouchme.Ihadreactedso

badlytomakingoutandtouchinglasttimethathewasnowgun-shy.ButIwasn’tsureIhadthenerveto
makeamoveonhimoraskhimtodoanything.Theideaofitbeingallonmewasstressful.

Itdidn’tmatter.Notrightnow.Masewasheretonight,forwhateverreason.Icurleduptohisside,and

hepulledmeincloser,buthedidn’tdoanythingelse.Glancingupathim,Icouldseehislongeyelashes
fanninghischeekbones.He’dalreadyclosedhiseyes.Smilingcontentedly,Iclosedmine,too.

ThenexttimeIopenedmyeyes,thesunwasfilteringinthroughtheblinds,andMasewasnowonhis
side,withmewrappedupinhisarms.Itiltedmyheadbacktoseeifhewasawake.Hiseyeswerestill
closed,buthisarmstightenedaroundmeasasmallsmiletuggedonhislips.

“Youawake?”heaskedgroggilythenslowlyopenedhiseyesandmetmygaze.
“Yes,”Ireplied,feelingentirelytoohighonlifeforagirlwithoutajobormoney.
“Hmm...youwanttotellmeallaboutyourweeknoworovercoffeeandwaffles?”
Grinning,Ipressedakisstohisarm.“Isthatyourwayofaskingmetomakeyouwaffles?”
Heshrugged,grinninglikeheknewhecouldgetmetodoanything.“Maybe.”
Ikissedhisarmagain.“Youhavetoletmeupinorderformetodothat.”
Hisheadlowered,andheranhislipsgentlyovermyforehead.“Butyoufeelsogoodallsnuggledup

softinmyarms.”

Iwouldagreethatthiswasmyfavoritespotever.Onearth.
“Whydon’tyoutellmeaboutyourweeknow?”hesaidinamoreserioustone.

Hewasaskingmeaboutmyweeklikehealreadyknew.“Italkedtoyoulastnightonthephone.You

knowaboutmyweek,”Isaid,testinghim.

“No...Ionlyknowwhatyou’vetoldme.Iwantthewholestory.Nothingleftout.”Theteasinginhis

voicewasgonenow.Heknew.Thatwaswhyhewashere.

“Whotoldyou?”Iasked,movingback,oratleasttryingto.Hisholdonmedidn’tloosen.
“Youshouldhave,”washisreply.
“Itwasn’tyourproblem.”
Thatgothisattention.Hiseyessnappedopenwide,andhemovedfast.Ithoughtforasecondthathe

wasgettingup,butheflippedmeonmybackandputonehandoneachsideofmyheadandhoveredover
me.“Anythingthataffectsyouismyproblem.You’remine.EvenifIdidn’tknowwhathappenedthatday.
EvenifNanwasn’tmysister.Thiswouldbemyproblem,becauseithurtsyou.Itcausesyoupain.”His
voicesoftenedonthatlastsentence.Heloweredhisbody,buthedidn’tpressagainstme.Henuzzledmy
neckforamoment,andmyentirebodycametolife.Asensationofwarmthspreadthroughme.“Whenyou
hurt,itripsmeapart.Whenyou’rehappy,IfeellikeIownthefuckingworld.”

Thismanwastoomuch.“YouhavearanchtorunandalifeinTexas.Ididn’twanttobotheryouwith

this.”

Masesighedandkissedmyjawbeforemovingbacktolookdownatme.“Ihavearanchtorun,andit’s

inTexas.Butyoutrumpallthat.Ifyouneedme,youcomefirst.”

Iloveyouwasrightthereonthetipofmytongue.Iwantedhimtoknow.Buthewasn’tsayingthose

wordstome.IwasafraidhewouldthinkIwasnaiveandconfusedaboutwhatweweredoing.SoIkept
themtomyself.ButIscreamedtheminmyheadandmysoul.Ilovedthisman.

“Yourcheckisinthepocketofmyjeans.Nangavethatbacktomelastnight.Youdon’toweher

anything.Shedidn’tbuythatmirror.Kiroboughtthehousefurnished.It’sallhis,andhedoesn’tgiveashit
aboutthatmirror.”

Ijuststaredupathim.Ididn’tknowwhattosaytothat.IhadseenthefuryonNan’sface.Iwasn’tso

sureshewouldagreetothis.WhenMaseleft,thecopswerelikelytoshowupandarrestme.Thatmoney
IgaveherwasmyproofthatIintendedtopayherback.

“Ineedhertohavethatmoney,Mase.”
Heshookhishead.“It’shandled.Shewon’tbotheryouagain.”
Whenhewasgone,shewould.“Youcan’tprotectmefromeverything.”
“Icanprotectyoufrommysister.Andfuckyes,Icanprotectyoufromeverything.Sendthatshitmy

way.I’lltakeitout.”Hewassmiling,butIcouldseetheseriousnessinhiseyes.

“Mase,”Istarted,butheputhisfingerovermylips.
“Igotthis.Ihandledit.She’safraidofalawsuitfromyou.Youwerehurtatherhouseonthejob,then

firedoverit.Shewillnotcontactyouagain.Hell,sheprobablywon’tbreathethesameairyoudofora
while.IwasverythoroughinmydescriptionsofwhatIwoulddoifshefuckedwithyouanymore.”

“Iwouldn’tsueherbecauseIfellandbrokeamirror.”
“Shedoesn’tknowthat,baby.Andthat’sallthatmatters.”Herolledoffmeandgotup.Iwasblessed

withaviewofhisbuttinthosewhitebriefs.GodblessAmericaandMaseManning’sass.

“Yougonnagetthatsweettailupandmakemesomewaffles?Because,baby,ifyoukeeplookingatme

likeI’mthemeal,Imaybetemptedtocrawlbackintothatbedandseeexactlywhatyouhadinmind.”

Iwouldloveforhimtocrawlbackintobedanddothingswithme.Tome.ButIdidn’twanttohaveto

askhimtodostuff.Iwasn’tsurehowIwasgoingtodothat.Iknewwhyhewantedmeto,butstill...the
ideawassoembarrassing.

Howdidoneaskamantotouchhervagina?
Cringingatthatthought,Istoodupandflashedasmileathim.“I’mgoingtomakeyousomewaffles.

PutonyourjeanssoI’mnotdistracted.”

MaselaughedasIhurriedtothebathroomtobrushmyhairandteeth.
ThenIwentandmademyguysomebreakfast,whilehestoodontheothersideofthebarandwatched

me.

Mase

fshebentoveronemoretimeandflashedthatfreckleatme,Iwasgoingtolosemymind.Ihadeatenmy

wafflesandmadeitthroughherstirringthebatterwithnobraonunderthattanktop.Thathadbeenone
hellofaprettysight.Butnowshewascleaningupthekitchen,andshekeptbendingover.

Ihadofferedtocleanup,butshehadpushedmeoutofthetinycornerandsaidshe’ddoitfastersince

sheknewwhereeverythingwas.SonowIwasbeinggivenaviewofherassandthatfreckle.Myfreckle.

Ilovedthatfreckle.
Shit,Iwashorny.Shehadmesowoundup,andIwastryingsohardtobegood.ButIknewhowthat

assfeltinmyhandsandthosesweetnipplestightenedundermytongue.

Groaning,IturnedawayfromtheprettiestsightI’deverseenandwalkedovertositonthesofa.
Isankdownandhadtoadjustmydamndick.Myjeansweresuddenlytootight,andthezipperwas

goingtoleaveamarkonitifIdidn’tgetmyselfundercontrol.Ineededtothinkaboutsomethingother
thanReese’sbody.

FirstbonerkillerIcouldthinkof:mymother.ShewouldwanttoknowwhereI’dgone.Ineededtocall

herandexplain.Ihadonlycalledmystepdad.Ihadn’texplainedmyselftoher.Whichmeantshewas
goingtoaskmealotofquestions.IwasreadytotellheraboutReese.Iwantedtotalkabouther.Mymom
wasprobablytheonepersonwhowouldwanttolistentometalkabouther.

“YouOK?”Reese’svoicebrokeintomythoughts,andIturnedtoseeherwalkingmyway.Thoselong

legsand...fuck,thosetitswerejiggling.Sheneededabra.Ineededhertowearabra.ThebonerI’d
deflatedwasbackwithavengeance.Fuckme.

“I’mgood,”Iassuredher,andshecameandsankdownbesideme,pullingherlegsbackandcurling

intomyside.Softfleshpressedagainstme,andIwasthrobbing.Thecinnamonsweetsmellmetmynose,
andIstretchedoutmylegsinhopesofgivingmyselfsomemoreroominthesejeans.

“Youdon’tlookgood.You’regrimacing,”shesaid,reachingupandcuppingmyface.Sodamnsweet.
“I’mtryingtobegood,baby.Butlookingatyoumakesithard,”Iadmitted.
“Oh,”shesaidsoftly.Almostawhisper.Thenhereyesdroppedtomylap,andshesuckedinabreath.
TherewasnohidingthefactIwashardasarock.Ihadn’tdealtwiththiskindofshitsincehighschool.

Ididn’tgetbonersanymoreunlessIwasabouttogetsome.OnelookatReese,though,andmycockstood
atattention.

“Itlookslikeit’stightinthere,”shesaid,stillwhisperingasifsomeoneotherthanmecouldhearher.
“Itis.”
Shetookanotherquickbreath,thenreacheddowntotouchmyleg.Iwasrealclosetobeggingherto

touchme.Mybrainwaslosingbloodbythesecond,anditwasallheadedsouth.“Willyoutakeitoutand
letme...Imean,canItouchit?”

Hell,yes!
Myhandsshottomyflyandgotitundoneinrecordtime,thenItuggedmyjeansdownmyhipsenough

sothatmycocksprangfree.ShewaswatchingmesointentlyIswearIwasabouttoexplodefromherjust
lookingatit.

Herfingertipsslowlytracedthehardridgethroughmybriefs.Ihadn’tpulledthosedown.Iwasn’tsure

shewasreadytoactuallyseeit.

“Canyoutakeitout?”sheasked,hereyeslookingupatme,thendroppingbacktomylap.
ThisgirlwasaskingmelikeIwouldtellherno.Mydickhaddecidedmorethanamonthagothatit

onlywantedtoperformforher.Sheowneditasmuchassheownedme.

Ipausedandwatchedherfacetomakesureshewasreadyforthisbeforepullingmybriefsbackand

lettingherseewhatitwasshewasaskingfor.Ireallydidnotwantherjumpingupandrunningoffto
splashwateronherfacefromthesightofmycock.Theideaofscaringherthiswaywouldwreckme.

Herhandmovedasifinslowmotionuntilonefinger-tiprandownthehardswollenheadandtheveins

alongthelength.Icouldn’tbreathe.Oxygenrefusedtogointomylungs.“Tellmehowtotouchit,”she
said,runningafingerbackuptowardthehead.

Shewantedmetofuckingtalknow?“Wrap—”Isaid,thengaspedinsomeair.“Wrapyourhandaround

it,andslideitupanddown.”

ShedidexactlyasIsaid,andstarsfilledmyvision.Ihadtoblinkseveraltimestoclearit.Istared

downathersmallhandaroundmydick,andIleakedfuckingprecome.Shepaused.Hereyesliftedto
mine.

“Youlikethis?”sheasked,herbreathingheavy.Thiswasexcitingher.Fuck,hernippleswerehardand

pokingthroughthatthintop.

“Youhavenoidea,”Irepliedtightly.
Shetightenedhergraspwhensheslidup,andhereyeswidenedastheclearfluidappearedatthetip.
“Fuuuck,”Igroaned,andlaidmyheadbackonthesofa.Iwasinsomeformofnirvana,andIdidn’t

wanttocomeoutofit.

“Tootight?”sheasked,innocently.
“God,baby,no.Sogood,”Ipanted.
Hergripstayedtight,andshebeganmovingupanddownmydickwithmorevigor.Mymouthfellopen

once,andIgrabbedthearmofthesofatoholdon.

“Wasthatcome,orwillyou...comemore?”sheaskedastheprecomecoatedmydickunderher

grasp.Shehadn’trecoiled,butinstead,she’duseditforlubrication.

“Youkeepthisup,andI’mgoingto...explode.”
Thelittleminxgrinned.Shewasenjoyingherself.Fuckme,butthatwasalmosttoomuch.Iwantedto

holdbackandenjoythislonger.Iwasn’tgoingtoscarethehelloutofherandcomealloverherhand.But
makingherletgosoIcouldfinishundermyownhanddidn’tsoundappealing.

Iturnedmyheadtolookather,andthatwasthemistake.Shehadherbottomlippulledbetweenher

teeth,andwitheachmoveofherhand,hertitsbounced.Iwasdone.

“I’mgonnacome,”Isaid,takingherhandoffme.
“Wait,no,”shesaid,reachingformeagain.
“Baby,I’mgonna—”
Theupwardtugandthesmellofherhitmeatonce.IcriedouthernameasIdidexactlyasI’dwarned

her.Shekeptmovingherhandonme,andIkeptonfuckingcoming.Fallingbackagainstthesofa,IthinkI
mighthavewhimpered.Iwasn’tsureanymore.Mybrainwasfuzzy,andmybodywashummingwitha
pleasuresointenseIwasn’tsureI’dwalkagain.

Thenherhandstoppedmoving,andIsuckedinadeepbreath.
“Holyshit,thatwas...incredible,”Isaid,staringdownathersmallhandcoveredinmyrelease.

Justthesightofithadmydickstirringtolifeagain.Dammit,shewasturningmeintoananimal.I’djust

hadthebestorgasmofmylifefromherhand.

“Letmecleanyouup,”Isaid,tuggingupmyunderwearandstandingtopullmyjeansuponmyhips.

“I’llgetawash-cloth.”Istarted,butshestoodup,smiling.

“I’llgowashitoff,”sheassuredme.Thensheshovedmebackdown.“Youseemlikeyouneeda

moment.”

Mygirlhadjokes.Ilaughed,andshethrewaglancebackandwinkedatme.Shemotherfuckingwinked

atme.

Reese

washedmyhandsunderthewarmwaterandlookedatthesillysmileonmyface.Ihaddonethat.Ihad

madeMasegroanandcryoutandevengrabthesofalikehislifedependedonituntilhegotoff.Me.Idid
it.AndnotonetimehadIgonetothatdarkplace.IhadbeenallwrappedupinwatchingMaseand
knowingIwastheonegivinghimthatpleasure.Itwasahigh.Ihadgottensomecrazyhighfromit.

Thenthewayhe’dlookedatme,inawe,likeIwassomewonderfulgift.Healwaysmademefeel

special,butinthatmoment,Ifeltlikeagoddess.Hisgoddess.

“Youareentirelytoopleasedwithyourself,”hisdeepvoicesaid,andIwatchedthroughthemirroras

hewalkedupbehindme.Hehadalazy,satisfiedgrinonhisface,andIhadputitthere.Iwaspleased
withmyself.

“Iam,”Iadmitted.
Hepulledmyhairbackawayfrommyneckandpressedakissthere.“Mmm-hmm,it’scuteandsexy,”

hesaidinawhisper.“Butit’salsofuckinghot.”

Ifeltgoosebumpscovermyskinwhenhistonguedartedoutandlickedmyneck.“Ijusthaveonesmall

problemwithit,”hesaid,thennippedatmyear.

“Yeah?”
Hishandpressedagainstmystomachandpulledmebackagainsthim.“Yeah.Ido.Yougottoseeme

comealloveryourhand.NowIwanttoseeyoucomeallovermine,”hesaid,ashisfingersteasedthe
waistlineofmyshorts.

Wehadtriedthatbefore.I’dpanicked.Ididn’twanttomessthismorningup.“WhatifI’mnotready?”I

asked,unabletodenyhowthewayhisfingertipsslippedintothetopofmybottomsmademetremblewith
excitement.

Hepausedamoment,andthenhismouthtrailedkissesbackdownmyneckandacrossmyshoulder.“I

thoughtaboutthat.I’vebeenthinkingaboutit.IneedtokeepyouwithmewhenItouchyou.SoIwantto
tryitagain,butIwon’tstoptalkingtoyou.Iwillreassureyouthewholetimeandmakesureyouknowit’s
me.Canwetry?”

Mybreastswereaching,butthespacebetweenmylegsfeltlikeitwasonfire.Iwantedthis.Mybody

wantedit.AndIlovedMase.Hewantedthis.“OK,”Ireplied.

“Thankfuck,”hegrowled.Hepickedmeuplikeachildandcarriedmetothebedandlaydownbeside

me.“Yousmellsogood.WhenI’mbackhome,Ilieinmybedatnight,andIcansmellahintofyou.It
teasesme.Iwantyouthere.Withme,”hewhisperedinmyear,asheslowlybeganeasinghishandinside
myshorts.Ididn’thaveonpantiesunderneath,andhewasabouttofindthatout.

Whenhesliddownfarenoughtorealizeit,hestopped.“Baby,youaren’twearingpanties,”hesaidina

deepvoice.

IturnedmyheadsoIcouldseehim.
HiseyeslookedmuchliketheydidwhenIwastouchinghim.Thisexcitedhimthatmuch.Thewetness

betweenmylegsgotworse,andIwasembarrassedforhimtodiscoverhowturned-onIwas.

“Openyourlegs.Please,forme.Letmetouchyou.Iwanttoseeyoucomeforme.Feelyourwetness

onmyhand.Canyougivemethat,Reese?Iwantitsobad.”

Iswallowednervously.“I’mwetnow,”Isaid,feelingmortifiedatevenhavingtosayit.
Hiseyesflashedsomethingsointenseitmademyheartskipabeat.Hisfingerssliddownovermy

moundandintothefoldsbelow.TheneedyacheI’dhaddownthereallmorningwasnowathrob,andI
hadtograbhisarmtokeepfromshootingoffthebed.

“Oh,fuck,”hesaidinalowgroan,andheburiedhisheadinmyneck.“Sweetestpussyintheworldis

soakingwetforme.”

Hewashappyaboutit.Iwouldhavebreathedasighofrelief,buthisfingersbegantomove,andallI

coulddowasmakenoisesandholdontohisarmandafistfulofthesheet.

“That’sallme.Myhandbetweenyourlegs.Myfingerstouchingyourlittlepussy.Me,baby.Me.It’sall

mine.I’llalwaystakecareofyou.Nothingornoonewillhurtyou.”Hisvoicewaslowandatmyear.I
wasshiveringandclingingtohim.

Hewantedtokeepmeinthemomentwithhim,andhewasdoingawonderfuljob.Iwasn’tsureIcould

beanywhereelse.

“Whenyou’reready,I’mgoingtoputmymouthrighthere,”hesaid,asheranhisfingerovermymost

sensitivespot.“I’mgoingtolickthisbuttonuntilyouscreamandclawatmybackwhileyoucomeonmy
face.You’llloveit.Iswearyouwill.Youwillholdmyheadthereandbegmenottostop.Becauseitwill
beme.”

Thebuildingfeelinginsideofmewasgrowing,andIknewwhatthiswas.I’doncebroughtmyselfto

releasebeforethings...happened.Ihadplayedfantasiesinmyheadwithboysatschoolwhileinbedat
night.Butthiswassomethingstronger.Itwassimilar,butitwasbigger.Iwantedit.Iwanteditwith
Mase.

“That’sit,baby.Letmehaveyourpleasure.Giveittome.Iwanttoseeyoufallapartforme.Iwantto

seemygirlfeelgoodinmyarms.You’resobeautiful.”

Withthosewords,Ibrokeapart,screaminghisnameasmybodyshookandheheldmetight.Hishand

stayedonme,cuppingmeandridingthroughthewavesofecstasywithme.Iwaschantinghisname.I
hearditinthedistance.

HewascallingmebabyandtellingmeIwasincredible.
Ididn’twanttocomeback.ThistripwasoneIcouldliveon.
Buteventually,iteased,andIslowlydescendedbacktoearth.Mase’sarmswerestillaroundme,

holdingmeclose,andhishandremainedonme.Hisbreathingwashard,andhiseyesweredarkand
heatedashestareddownatme.“God,you’regorgeous,”hebreathed,asIblinkedandfinallyfocusedon
him.

Icouldn’ttalkjustyet.Thathadn’tbeenatallwhatI’dexperiencedinmybedwhenIwasyounger.My

fingersdidnotmakemedothat.Wasthatevenhealthy?Itwassogoodithadtobedangerous.AndI
wantedtodoitagain.Now.

“Idon’twanttomovemyhand.It’scoatedwithyou,andIwanttokeepitthatway,”hesaid,moving

hisheadtopressakisstomynose.“ThatwasthemosteroticthingI’veeverseen.IsweartoGod,you’ve
gotmesowrappedaroundyouIcan’tseestraight.I’dstayinthisbedandmakeyoucomeoverandover
ifyou’dletme.”

Iwouldlethim.Iwaslikingthatidea.Alot.

Mase

coulddieahappyman.Ifeltsorryfortheothermenintheworld,becausethey’dneverknowwhat

Reeselookedlikewhenshecame.Idid.Shewasmine.Theurgetopoundonmychestwasstrong.I
foughtitoff.ButGod,Iwantedto.

Reesecameoutofthebedroomdressedinbluejeansshortsandapaleyellowblousethattiedatthe

waist.Shelookedyoungandfresh.Iwantedtotakeherbacktobedandsinkintoallofit.Watchherget
naughtyandridemyhandlikeherlifedependedonit.

Butshe’dgivenmeenoughtoday.Iwasn’tpushingheragain.Notwhenwe’dbeensosuccessfulthis

morning.Mytalkingtoherandkeepingherwithmethewholetimehadnotonlyworked,butithad
excitedhermore.ThemoreItalked,themoreturned-onshegot.

Itwasenoughfornow.
“Whendoyouhavetoleave?”sheasked,breakingintomythoughtsandremindingmethatIhadto

leaveher.

“Iwantedtotalktoyouaboutthat,”Isaid,wonderinghowtoaskhertomoveinwithmeseveralstates

away.Itsoundedalittlecrazy,buthonestly,Ididn’tcare.Shewasmyone.

Herbrowpuckeredup,andshetiltedherheadasifwaitingforme.
“Iwantyoutomoveto...Texas...withme...into...myhouse.”
Thathadn’tbeensmoothatall.
ThewayherjawdroppedopenandhereyesturnedintosaucersprovedIhadgoneaboutthisall

wrong.Shit.

“Wh-what?”shesputtered.
Iranmyhandsovermyfaceandbitbackagrowloffrustration.Shemademejustsayshit.Igotso

workeduparoundherIcouldn’tthinkstraight.Ijustblurtedthingsout.Ihadneverwantedanythingas
badlyasIwantedthiswomaninmybedeverynightfortherestofmylife.

“Youdon’thaveajobexceptforyourgigatHarlow’s,andyoudon’thavefamilyhere.There’sno

reasontostay.IcangetanotherreadingteachertoworkwithyouinFortWorth.Thatwouldbetheonly
thingholdingyouhere.Iwantyouwithme,Reese.Ihatenothavingyouclose.”

Thoseexpressiveeyesofhersgaveheraway.Shelikedtheidea,butitalsoscaredher.Wewerenew.

Ourfriendshipwasalmosttwomonthsoldnow,butasacouple,wewerenew.

“Youwantmethere...withyou,”shesaid,soundinglikeshewaslostinadaze.
“Yes,”Irepliedfirmly.
Shefistedasectionofherhairandlookedaroundtheroomnervously.Thenshebeganwalkingback

andforthinalittlecircle.Almostasifshewaspacing.

Iwaited.Shewasthinking,andIwantedhertothinkaboutthishard.ThenIwantedhertosayyesand

packherbags.

“Youdon’t...there’ssomuch.Ineedtime.Weneedtime.I’msettledhere,andIdohavefriends.I

haveJimmy.Ihaveaplacethatismine.Youcan’t...wecan’tjustmoveintogetherlikethis.Ihatewhen
youleave,too,but...butMase.”Shestoppedwalkinganddroppedherhandstohersidesasifshewas
carryingtheworldonhershoulders.“Thereissomuchyoudon’tknow.AndI’mnotreadytotellyou.So
muchthatisinsideme.It’sdark,andit’s...notaplaceIwanttotakeyou.ButIneedtime.Weneedtime.
Likethis.Whenyoucomeintotown,wecanspendtimetogether.Andournightlytalksandmyreadingto
you.AndIlikeDr.Munroe.He’shelpingme,andI’mcomfortablewithhim.Ican’tjustgowithyou
becauseIwanttobenearyou.”

Arguingwithherwasmyknee-jerkreaction.Iwasgoodatdebate.Icouldcomeupwithareasonthat

allthatdidn’tmatter.

Whatstoppedmewasthepleadinglookinhereyes.Shedidn’twantmetoargue.Shewantedmetolet

thisgo.

Iwould.Forher.Fornow.
“OK.Thenknowthatwhenyou’reready,Iwillbe,too,”Ifinallysaid.
Sheletoutaheavysigh,thensmiledweaklyatme.“Thankyouforwantingme.”
WordsIwouldtakebacktoTexaswithme,thatIwouldcarrylikeanacheinmychesteverytimeI

thoughtofthem.

Mygirlshouldneverhavetothankanyoneforwantingher.Somewhereinhermind,shethoughtshe

wasn’tworthyThatwaswhathurtthemost.

Standingatherdooraftertakinghertolunchandkissingherformorethananhour,IknewIhadtoleave
her.Again.Myworldbackhomewascalling.IhadtogohandletheranchandthelifeI’dmadefor
myself.

Iheldhertightlyonemoretimeandwhisperedinherear.“Besafe.Takecareofyourself.Andmissme

whenI’mgone.”

Reese

tookthespoonJimmyhandedmeanddoveintothecaramelswirlicecreamwithavengeance.Ineeded

depressionfood.I’dbeeninthedumpssinceMasehadleftthatmorning.Icouldhavegonewithhim.
He’daskedmeto.

IfIhadsaidyes,Iwouldhavelosthimmuchsooner.Hehadn’tbeenwithmelongenoughtoreally

knowme.He’donlygottensmalldosesofme.WhataboutwhenthememoriesleakedthroughandIstood
underthehotwateroftheshowerscreamingandscrubbingmyself?Hehadn’tseenthat.HewouldthinkI
wascrazy.BecauseIwassureIwas.

Sometimesthepastbrokethrough,andwhenitdid,Iwentalittlecrazy.
Ikeptallthatfromhim.Heknewwhatwasonthesurface,andnotevenallofthat.Heknewjust

enough.Mypasthadmarkedme.

Ithadruinedmyabilitytobeclosetoanyone.
ExceptMase.Iwaslettinghimin.Todayprovedjusthowmuch.
“Youwannatalkaboutit?Orjusteatitout?”Jimmyaskedwithapinchedfrown.
“Don’twanttotalkaboutit,”Ireplied,andstuffedmymouthfulloficecream.
“ThemancamefromTexasonaTuesdaynighttogetyourmoneybackfromthewickedwitchandmake

sureyouwereOKbeforeheadingbackhomethenextdaytowork.Seemstomelikeyoushouldbeall
smilesandgiggles.Notpissyandtryingtoeatyourwaythroughthiswholepintoficecream.”

Iwasn’ttellingJimmy.IfIdid,I’dhavetotellhimmore,andIwasn’tlettingmypastin.Nottonight.“I

justhateitwhenheleaves,”Isaidinstead.

“Mmm-hmm,girl,sodoestherestoftheworld.He’ssomethingtolookat,”Jimmyagreed.
Thatgotalaughoutofmethatdiedalmostinstantly.ThegirlsinFortWorthdidn’thavetoseehim

leave.Hewasthere.Withthem.Theycouldseehimandtalktohim.Hedidn’thavetoflyoverstate
borderstofixtheirproblems.

“Whereveryourheadjustwent,bringitback,please,”Jimmysaid,pointinghisspoonatme.“Theman

flewhisassoverhereforyoulastnight.Heain’tgivinganyoneelsenothing.Hell,Idoubtheevensmiles
inTexas.He’ssmilingtoomuchforyou.He’sgottaresthissexymouthsometime.”

Ilaughed.Loudly.
Jimmysatbackandsmirked.Hewaspleasedwithhimself.
Thesoundofmyphoneringinghadhimstandingupandsalutingme.“That’syourpieceofhotTexas

assnow.I’lltalktoyoutomorrow.”

Iglanceddownatthephone,expectingtoseecowboyboots,butitwasanunknowncaller.Ididn’tlet

Jimmyknow.

“’Bye,Jimmy.Andthanks,”Icalledout.

Heblewmeakissandclosedthedoorbehindhim.
Iwaitedamomentuntilhewasawayfromthedoorbeforeanswering.
“Hello.”
“Youthinkyouhavehim,butyoudon’t.Hewasfuckingmebeforeyou,andhe’llbefuckingmeafter

you.”

Iheldthephoneinmyhandlongafterthewomanhadendedthecall.
Anhourlater,Masecalledtotellmehewashomesafebuthewasexhausted.He’dcallmetomorrow.

Thenextmorning,Irefusedtothinkaboutthestrangephonecall.Itcouldhavebeenawrongnumber.She
neversaidMase’sname.IshoveditasideandfinallycalledBlaireFinlaytosetupameetingwithherfor
thenextweekaboutcleaningherhouse.ThenIwenttothestoreandpaidmybillsfortheweek.

Icamebacktotheapartmentandcleaneditfromtoptobottom.BythetimeIhadtomeetwithDr.

Munroe,Iwasbetter.Ihadgottenmyselftogether,andIknewthatwhenIcalledMasethatnight,all
wouldbewell.

Iwasjustmissinghim.
Thatwasallthiswas.

Mase

undressedandlaybackonthebedwhilelisteningtoReesereadmehernewestbook.Sheseemedoff

tonightornervous.Iwasn’tsurewhich.Ihadtohelpherseveraltimes.Onceshereachedtheendof
chaptertwo,Iwasgoingtoletherstop.Thisbookwasmoredifficult,andsheseemedtired.

“Doyouwantmetokeepgoing?”sheasked.
“That’sgood.You’redoingsomuchbetter,baby.I’msoproudofyou.”AndIwas.Shewasreadingon

afourth-gradelevelalready.Dr.Munroesaiditwasbecauseshehadtriedhardtolearninschool,andshe
hadlearned.Shejusthadn’tbeenshownhowtodealwithherdisability.Nowthatshewasworkingwith
it,shewaspickingupquicklyandutilizingthingsshe’dalreadybeentaught.

“Mywritingisn’tthebest,butIwrotealettertoday.Itwasn’tarealone.Iwassupposedtowritea

fakeonetosomeonethankingthemforagift.Ionlymesseduptwowords.Dr.Munroewaspleased.”The
prideinhervoicemademychesttighten.Ilovedknowingthatshewasproudofheraccomplishments.
Sheshouldbe.

“I’mwaitingforyoutowritemealetter,”Itoldher.Icouldkeepittuckedinmypocketalldayand

pullitoutwhenIneededmyReesefix.

Shelaughedsoftly.“Notreadyforthatyet.Letmegetbetteratit.Idon’twantDr.Munroecorrectinga

letterIwrotetoyou.Soitwillhavetocometoyouunedited.”

Nothingshegavemecouldbelessthanperfect.Becauseitwouldbeher.Whatshewrote.Ifshemixed

upeveryletterandeveryword,thenthatwasthewaytheywerefuckingmeanttobe.Becauseshewould
havewrittenthemforme.

“Don’tcarehowmanymistakesareinit,Reese.Itwouldbefromyou.That’sallthatmatters,”Itold

her.

Shemadeasoftlittlesigh.“Yousaythesweetestthings.”
Icouldsayevensweeterthingsifshe’dletme.Iwastemptedtotry.SweartoGod,Icouldstillsmell

heronmyhand.I’dputthosefingersuptomynoseandinhaledalldamnday.

“Whatareyouwearing,Reese?”Iasked.
“YourT-shirt,justlikeI’msupposedto,”shereplied.Icouldheartheamusementinhervoice.
“Goliedownonyourbedforme.”Iwastestingher.I’dstopifshebalkedevenonce.
“OK,”shebreathed.“I’monmybed.”
Fuck.Yes.Shewasplayingalong.
“Youlyingdown?”Iwantedheronherbackwithherlegsopenforme.
“Yes.”Herresponsewasquickandanxious-sounding.SheknewwhatIwaswanting.
“Willyouletthoseprettylegsfallopenforme,baby?”Iwaited,notknowingifshe’dgothisfar.
Afteronlyafewseconds,shereplied.“Yes.”

Ipulledmyhardeningcockoutofmybriefsandwrappedmyhandaroundit.TheimageofReeselying

backonherbedinmyshirtwithherlegsopenformehadmereadytogetbackonthedamnplane.

“YouknowwhatIwantyoutodo,don’tyou?”
“Yeah,”shewhispered.
“Willyou?CanIhearyoupleasureyourself?”
Shewasbreathingheavily.“Willyou?”
“WillIwhat,baby?”
“Willyoudoit,too?”
Grinning,Istrokedmylength.“Alreadydoingit.Thefactthatyou’reonyourbedwiththoselegsopen

wearingmyshirthasmesodamnturned-onI’maching.”

“Oh,”shesaid,thenletoutasoftmoan.
Fuck...me...shewasdoingit.“Where’reyourfingers?”
“Onmy...downthere,”shereplied.
Oh,yeah.Iclosedmyeyesandlethervoiceandtheimageofwhatshewasdoingtakeovermy

thoughts.“Areyouwetforme?”

“Yeaaah,”shesaid,withahitchinherbreathing.
“Playwithiteasyforme.Makemysweetpussyfeelgood.I’mnottheretotakecareofit.Ineedyouto,

andletmehearyou.Iwannahearthosesoundsyoumake.”

“Ahhh!”shecriedout.Shelovedmywords.
“Rubthathard,swollenclit.Iwanttokissit.Sobad...Runmytonguealongthetenderspotsandthen

suckthathotbuttonintomymouthuntilyoupullmyhairandscreammyname.”

“Ohhhh,God,”shemoaned.
“That’sit.Thinkaboutmyheadbetweenthoselegs.Allopenforme.Icanlickandlapupallthat

sweetness.Justme.Righttherewithyou.Justus,baby.Yourhandsfistedinmyhairandmyhands...my
handsonyourcreamysmooththighs,holdingyouopen.Breathingyouin.”

“Mase!Oh...aaaaah!”
Herreleasegavememyown.IlistenedassherodeitoutandwishedtoGodIwastheretoseeit.

Reese

verthenextweek,Ididn’tjustreadtoMaseatnight.Weendedoureveningsdoingotherthings...

Smilingatmysecret,Ispentextratimebrushingmyhair.IhadcleanedHarlow’shousetwiceandmet

withBlaireFinlay.Shewasgoingtoneedsomeonethreedaysaweek.IhadtotalktoHarlowabout
workinginhertwodaysandBlaire’sthreedaystomeeteveryone’sneeds.Blaire’scurrenthouse-cleaner
hadn’tretiredyet,sotherewastimetofigureitout.Shehadtwomoreweeks.

Jimmyhadfoundoutearlierintheweekthattodaywasmybirthday.He’ddecidedhewastakingme

out.Ihadn’tdoneanythingmorethancelebrateallalonemostofmylife.Irememberedhavingacake
oncewhenIwasseven.Mymotherhadmadeoneandinvitedtheneighborhoodchildrenover.I’dthought
shehaddoneitforme,andforalittlewhile,Ihadfeltsospecial.

Then,laterthatday,Ihadfoundherinthebathroomonherkneesinfrontofoneofthedadsattheparty.

HehadbeensayingthingsIdidn’twanttorememberwhileshegrippedhisthighsandgavehimablow
job.Thatmanlivedacrossthestreetwithhiswifeandtwokids.

Ihadrealizedthatnotonlywassomethingwrongwithwhatmymotherwasdoing,butshehadthrown

thispartytogetclosetothatman.Nottome.Itwasmyfirstandlastbirthdaycake.

TonightIwouldmakeanewmemory.Jimmywantedustogodancingandeatcake.Soweweregoing

todojustthat.Iwouldcelebrateturningtwenty-threewithsomeonewhocaredaboutme.

Steppingbackandlookingintothemirror,IfeltlikeIwaspretty.ThedressIhadonwasasoftorange

andremindedmeofasunset.Itwasstraplessandbeltedatmywaistwithabrownwovenbeltthatfellto
mid-thigh.IhadslippedonthecowboybootsI’dboughttopleaseMase.Hehadn’tseenthemyet,butI
usedsomeofmysavingstobuythem.Theywereonsaleforhalf-price,soIhadonlyspentalittletoo
muchontheminsteadofalot.

Theknockonthedoorwasfollowedbyan“Openup,birthdaygirl!”
IsmiledandwenttoletJimmyinside.
Heletoutalowwhistleandtwirledhisfingerintheairformetospinaround.“I’mgonnahavetoact

straighttonighttokeepthemenoffyou.Damn,woman,youcleanupfine.”

Laughing,IgrabbedthesmallclutchI’dboughtlastyearatathriftstorebutneverhadachancetouse.

Itwasmetallicgoldbutsimple,withawristletstrap.“Let’sgodance,”Itoldhim,ashetookmyhandand
tuckeditintothecrookofhisarm.

“Igotmoves,girl.Youjustwait.”
Ihadnodoubthedid.

Weheadedintotowninsteadofoutofit,butIknewtherewasnowheretodanceinRosemaryBeach.
Frowning,IglancedoveratJimmy,whowassinging“BornintheU.S.A.”andtappinghissteeringwheel
likeitwasdrums.

“Wherearewedancing?”Iasked.
“Ah,someplacecalledFloraBama,”hereplied,flashingmeasmilethatwastoobig.Somethingwas

off.

“Butwearen’theadedoutoftown,”Ipointedout.
Henoddedinagreement.“Yeah.Gottadropsomethingofffirstattheclub.”
Well,thatmadesense.Isatbackandwatchedthesmalltownpassbyasweturnedintotheback

entranceoftheclubwheretheworkersparked.Jimmydrovedowntowardashellroadthatseemedto
leadouttothewater.

Washedroppingsomethingoffatthebeach?
“Hereweare,”hesaid,smilingatmeasheswungopenthedoor.Wehaddrivendownasfaraswe

couldgo.

“Ifyou’lljustwalkdownthiswoodenwalkwaytowardthatlightupahead,”Jimmysaid,pointingme

towardwhatlookedlikethetopofasmalltentfromhere.Therewerepalmtreesintheway.

“Doyouneedmetodropitoff?”Iasked,tryingtofigureoutwhathewasaskingme.
“Yep.Onlyyoucandropoffyou.Happybirthday,Reese.Youlookamazing.Now,gofollowthatpath,”

hesaidwithawink,thenclimbedbackintohiscaranddroveoff.Istoodtherelookingatthepathand
backtowhereJimmyhadleft.

Itwasthenthatitstartingsinkingin.Jimmyhaddroppedmeoff.Me.Iturnedandheadeddownthe

woodenpath.Halfwaydown,Icouldn’ttakeitanymore,soIstartedtorun.Iknewwhowasgoingtobeat
theendofthispath.Iknewwhohe’ddroppedmeoffto.AndIwantedtogetthere.

OnceIbrokefreeoutofthepalm-linedwalkway,Isawhim.
Hewaswearingawhitebutton-downshirtwiththesleevesrolleduptohiselbowsandapairofkhaki

shorts.Hestoodinsideawhitetentilluminatedbycandlelight,withathree-tieredbirthdaycakebeside
him.Itwasaprettypalepinkandsparkledunderthedimlights.Silverballoonsfilledthetent.

“Happybirthday,Reese,”Masesaid,smiling.
Iletoutastartledlaugh,thenburstintotearsandranforhim.
Hemetmehalfway,pickedmeupinhisarms,andburiedhisfaceinmyneck.“Surprise.”
Ileanedbackandkissedhimhard.Ididn’tknowhowelsetoexpresstheemotionthatwasbarreling

throughme.Itwassooverwhelming,IfeltlikeImightcombustfromhappiness.He’ddonethisallforme.
Acakeandballoons.Andmostimportantly,him.

“Howdidyouknowitwasmybirthday?”Iasked,eventhoughtheanswerwasobvious:Jimmy.Ihad

thoughtabouttellingMasebutworriedhe’dthinkIwasaskinghimtocomebackagain.Ididn’twantthat,
soI’djustkeptittomyself.

“Youshouldhavebeentheonetotellme,notJimmy.Ineverwanttomissyourbirthday.Ever.”
Iwipedthetearsfrommyfaceandbeamedupatthiswonderfulmanwhoforsomereasonwantedtobe

withme.“Youandyourwords,”Isaid,thenkissedhimagain.

Hisbig,stronghandswrappedaroundmywaistandheldmethereaswetastedandfedoffeachother.

Havinghimherewithmewasthebestbirthdaygiftever.Evenwithoutacakeandballoons.Hewas
perfect.

“Comeon,youhavetoblowoutthecandles,andthenIgettofeedyoucake,”hemurmuredagainstmy

lips.

“That’salotofcakeforjustus,”Isaid,noteventryingtopretendIdidn’tlovethathegotmea

ginormouscake.

Hechuckled.“We’lleatourfill,andyoucantakesomehome,andthenwecansendtheleftoversto

friends.”

Ilikedthatidea.“Imayeattoomuch,”Isaid,lookingatthecreamyicingandalreadylickingmylips.I

wouldhavetowalkfordaysnonstoptoburnoffthesecalories.

Masewinkedatme.“Good.Iliketheideaofthathotassjigglingalittlemore.”
Ireallyneededtofanmyself.
Hestuckacandleintothetoptierandshrugged.“Iwasgoingtogettwenty-threecandles,butHarlow

pointedoutthatthebreezeoutherewastoomuch.I’dnevergetthemtostaylit.SoIwentwiththeone.”

Hestruckamatchandhoveredoverthecandletoprotectitashelitit.
“Makeawish,baby.”
Icouldn’tthinkofanythingIdidn’thaverightnow...exceptforonething.ButIknewwishesdidn’t

takeawaythepast.Theycouldn’tchangewhathadbeendone.Soinstead,Isaidasmallthankyoufor
whatI’dbeengivenandblewoutthecandle.

Masebeganslicingaverylargepieceofcakeandtookaforkandlookedupatme.“Comesitwith

me.”Henoddedtothewhitechaiselonguethatsatinthecorneroverlookingthegulf.

Hesatdownandopenedhisarmsformetosinkinto.Iwashalfontopofhimwhenhisarmswrapped

aroundme.

“Thatpieceistoobig,”Isaid,eyeingtheredfilling.
“We’resharing,”heinformedme.“Openup.”
Ididashesaid,andMaseslidthebiteintomymouth.Thesweetcreamoftheicingandtheraspberry

fillingweredelicious.“Mmm,”Isaidapprovingly.

“Ilikewatchingyoueat.Andfeedingyou,”Masesaid,ashescoopedupanotherpieceofthecake.He

startedmovingittomymouth,butIshookmyhead.

“Yourpiece,”Iinformedhim.
“Watchingyourtonguedartouttolickyourlipsandlisteningtoyoumoanissomuchbetterthanme

eatingthiscake,”hesaid,andherubbedsomeoftheicingonmymouth.

Iopenedmymouth,tryingnottolaughasheslippedinanotherbite.
“Yeah,therecomesthattongue,”hesaid,soundingcompletelyfascinatedwithwatchingmeeatmy

cake.

Ifinishedchewingandswallowed,thenshookmyheadagain.“Ineedabreakinbetweenbites,”Itold

him,laughingwhileheheldanotherpieceuptomyface.

“Ilikeyourboots,”hesaid,insteadofarguingwithme.“Iwanttoseeyouinnothingbutthoseboots.”
Mypurchasehadbeenwellworththecost.
“Pleaseeatmoreforme.It’ssofuckingsexy,”hebegged,runninghisnoseupmyneck.
Giggling,Iturnedandlookedathim.“Howismeeatingsexy?”
Masesmirked,ranahanddownmyback,andsqueezedmyass.“Forseveralreasons.”
“Youtakeabite,”Isaid,pickinguptheforkandholdingittohismouth.
Heateobediently,andIkissedtheicingoffhislips.
“Icanseetheadvantageofmeeatingit,too,now,”hesaidwhenIpulledback.
Smiling,Ileanedbackagainsthischestandenjoyedtheviewofthecrashingwavesinfrontofme.My

legstangledwithhis,andhecontinuedtofeedme.Ilethim.

BecauseIlovedthisman.

Mase

eesehadgivenuponthepieceofcake,andI’dfinallyputitdown.Ihadtoadmit,justseeinghereatit

satisfiedme,knowingitwasabirthdaycakethatI’dpickedoutandgiventoher.

Ishiftedsoshecouldsettlebetweenmylegs.Ipulledherbackagainstmebeforegivingherthefirst

present.

“Happybirthday,”Isaid,pickingupthelargestboxsittingbesideme.
Shegaspedasshetookthebox.Sheglancedbackatmebeforelookingattheboxagain.“Yougotmea

present?”sheasked,amazed.“Imean,Ithoughtyouweremypresent,butthis...”

Smiling,Ikissedhertemple.“No,thisisyourparty,andI’myouronlyguest,becauseI’mselfishand

wantedyoualltomyself.Andthisisyourfirstpresent.”

“Myfirst?”sheasked,andInodded.
Thenshesurprisedme.Shetoreintothatgiftlikeshewasfiveyearsold.Watchingheropenitwas

moreexcitingthanfeedinghercake,andthathadbeenprettydamnexciting.

Whenshehadthelidoffthebox,shepulledoutthebaby-blueMichaelKorspurseI’dhadBlairehelp

mepickout.

“There’samatchingwalletinthere,too.”
Shetoucheditreverentlyasifitweremadeoffinegoldinsteadofleather.“Thisisexpensive,isn’tit?”
Notreally.Itcouldhavebeenworse.ButI’dtoldBlairetobepractical.Reeseneededaneveryday

purse,notsomethingshewouldbetoonervoustocarry.

“It’sanicepurseforyoutouseinsteadofthebackpack,”Iexplained.
Shegrinnedandputitbackintothebox,thenturnedtomeandkissedmesoftlyonthelips.“Thankyou.

That’sthenicestgiftI’veevergotten.”

Thiswasn’tover.Ireacheddownandpickedupthenextpresent.
“There’smore?Ithoughtyouwerekidding.”
“Youbetterbelieveit.”
Again,shetoreintoitlikealittlekid,andIfoundmyselfwishingIhadvideotapedthistowatchover

andover.

SheopenedtheboxtofindthreesetsofFrenchsilkpajamas.Shepickeduponeoftheshortsandheldit

upandthentouchedittoherface.Layingitdown,shereachedforacamisole.Thepalepinkonewiththe
whitelacetrim.“Thesefeelsosoft,”shesaidinawe.

Theyshould.Theywerethebest.
“IliketheideaofyouinmyT-shirt.ButIalsoknowyoulikeyourshortsandtanktopbecausethey’re

soft.SoIgotyousomeothersoftthingstosleepin.Becausewhenyou’rewithme,youwon’tneedmyT-
shirttowraparoundyou.”

Shelaiditdownintheexpensivewrappingandletoutahappysigh.“Thosearegoingtospoilmeon

pajamasforlife.”

ThatwasOK.I’dkeepherinexpensiveFrenchsilkifshewantedit,foraslongasshewantedit.
Again,shekissedmeandwhisperedathankyouagainstmylips.
Ireachedforthethirdbox.Thisonewasthesmallest.Anditwasmoreformethanforher.
“Thelastone,”Itoldher,asIhandedhertherectangularbox.
Sheopeneditmorecarefully,asifshewasafraidshewouldlosewhateverwasinside.
Insidewasasinglekeynestledinvelvet.
“It’sthekeytomyhouse.Whenyou’reready,youcanmoveinanytimeyouwant.”
Shepickeditupandhelditinherhandforseveralmomentsanddidn’tsayanything.Finally,shelifted

hereyestomeetmine.“Oneday,whenyouknowallofme,youcangivethisbacktome.Butrightnow,
youdon’tknowitall.Ican’ttakethis.”

ShethoughtherdarkpastwouldchangehowIfelt.Nothingshecouldtellmewouldchangethat.Iloved

her.

ButIwouldn’tusethosewordstoconvinceher.Shewouldhavetodecidethisinherowntime.I

wasn’tforcingher.Iwantedherinmybed,inmyhouse.Iwantedittobeourhouse.Butnotuntilshewas
readyforthat.Notuntilshewantedme.

Wantedaforever.

Reese

ewasactinglikemenottakingthekeywasn’tabigdeal.Butitfeltlikeit.Mychesthadn’tstopped

hurtingsinceI’dgivenitbacktohim.ButMasenevermentioneditagainoractedupset.

He’dheldmyhand,andwe’dwalkeddownthebeach.Hehadpersuadedmetoeatafewmorebitesof

thecake,andthenwehadcuddledinthechaiselongueandwatchedthemoonlightonthewater.

Theonlythingthathadbeenwrongwasthathedidn’tkissmeagain.Hedidn’tlookatmewiththose

hoodedeyesfullofneed.Itwasasifhewasholdingmeatarm’slengthwhilehewasrighttherewithme.
Before,hehadbeenflirtyandplayful.

Afterthekey,thatallchanged.Hechanged.
Oncewegotbacktotheapartment,hetoldmetogoaheadandusethebathroomfirst.He’dgetready

forbedafterme.Hehadn’tbeenovercomewithdesireformeorpulledmeintohisarmsoncewewerein
theprivacyofmyapartment.Hehadbeenkindandpolite,butthatwasit.Nothingmore.

Islippedononeofthenewpajamasetshe’dgivenme.Thisonewaswhitewithsilverpiping.Ialso

thoughtitwasthesexiest.Rightnow,IwantedtoseethesparkthereandknowthatIhadn’tlosthimwhen
Ididn’ttakehiskey.

Whyhadn’tI?Takingitdidn’tmeanIwasusingit.Hehadn’tgivenittomethinkingIwasgoingto

moveintheminuteIacceptedit.He’dsaidasmuch.Ithadbeenhiswayoflettingmeknowtheofferwas
theretobeacceptedwhenIwasready.

Ineededtotalktohim.
Ihadhandledthiswrong.
Iopenedthebathroomdoorandwalkedtothebedroom.
“No,Cordelia.I’mnotthere.I’moutoftown.I’llbebackSunday,probably.Maybesooner.Notsure.”
Ihoveredoutsidethedoor.WhowasCordelia?Mystomachtwisted,andmyheartsankathearinghim

sayhemightbehomesooner.Ihadreallymessedup.

“Notmyfaultifyouleftthem.Andno,youcan’tgetintomyhousewithmegone.Ileftitlockedup...

Cord,comeon.Stopplayingthisgamewithme.Don’tbethisway.”

Hewasannoyed.AndhecalledherCord.
“LikeIsaid,I’llbehomeSunday,”hesnapped,thenstuckhisphoneintohispocketwithasigh.
Isteppedbackfromthedoorandtookseveralcalmingbreaths.Thatmeantnothing.Cordeliacouldbe

someoneheworkedwithorwasrelatedto.Orshecouldjustbeafriend.

“Whowasthat?”Iasked,asIpushedthedooropenwide.Ihadn’tmeanttoask,butIneededtoknow.
Maseturnedhisattentionfromthefloortome.Hisgazeslowlyatemeupashetookinmynew

pajamas.Whenhehadfinallymadeitallthewayuptomyface,hiseyeswerelitwiththeheatI’dmissed
earlier.“IreallylikeFrenchsilk,”hesaid,walkingovertome.

Ialmostweptwithrelief.
Hishandsettledonmyhipandthenslidaroundtocupmybottom.“Youdon’tlikesleepinginpanties,

doyou,baby?”

“No.”Iwatchedhimashiseyesgrewdarkandhot.
“Silkcoveringthisassismorethananymancanhandle.Iwanttokissmyfreckle.Andseeitpeeking

outfromunderthelace.”Heturnedmearound.“Putyourhandsonthebackofthesofaandstickthis
sweetbottomoutformejustalittle.Please,Reese.”Hewhisperedmynamesoclosetomyearthathis
breathtickledmyskin.

IdidexactlyasIwastold,andhispleasedgrowlmadeitworthit.
Hishandssliddownmyhipsandthighsashedroppedtohiskneesbehindme.Softlipsandtherough

stubbleonhisjawbrushedthebacksofmythighs.Hekissedatrailupeachoneuntilhefoundtheone
frecklethatI’dneverseenbutheseemedtolove.

Thepleasedsoundinhisthroatashekissedthatonespotmademykneesweak.Iheldontothesofa

justashistonguelappedatthespotbelowmybottom.

“Oh,God.”Ileanedovertobracemyselfbetter,orIwasgoingtoenduponthefloor.
“Icansmellyou.Iwanttospreadtheselegsandkissyouthere.Justme,Reese.Thisismeandyou,

baby.”Hisvoicewasstrained,andIknewhewasgivingmethechoice.ItwaswhyItrustedhimsomuch.
HealwaystookspecialcarenottosteptoofarormakemedoanythingIwasn’treadyfor.

“OK”wastheonlywordIcouldformatthemoment.
IwasexpectinghimtospreadmylegsopenwhereIstood,butMasestoodupandscoopedmeintohis

arms.Mysurprisedgaspmadehimsmileashewalkedmeintothebedroom.“Mygirlbelongsonabed,”
hesaidsoftly,andheplacedmegentlydownonmyunmadebed.“Keeplookingatme.Thewholetime,I
wantthoseeyeshere,”heinstructedme,ashepointedtohiseyes.

Inodded.
Hecaressedtheinsideofmycalveswithextracare.Iwashavingahardtimeinhalingair,andhewas

playingwithmylegs.Whatwasgoingtohappenwhenheactuallymovedhisheadbetweenmylegs?

Ihadgottenofflisteningtohimonthephonetellingmehewantedtodothis.Buttherealityofitwas

terrifying.IgrabbedfistfulsofthecoversandwatchedasMase’shandmovedpastmyknees,coaxingmy
legsopenbygivingmythighsextra-specialattention.

“Eyesonmine,Reese.”Histonewashuskyanddeep.Thiswasexcitinghim.
Isnappedmygazebacktohis,andhewinkedatme.“That’sbetter.Iwantthoseprettyblueeyeson

mine.WhenIkissyou,don’tclosethem.Keepthemonme.OK?”

“Yes,”Ipantedout.
Thecornersofhislipsliftedasheloweredhishead,keepinghisgazelockedonmine.“Openwiderfor

me,”hewhispered,ashepressedakisstomyknee.

Wider.Oh,God.
Istartedtoclosemyeyes,andalittlenipofhisteethinsidemythighhadmyeyesflyingbackopen.
Hewasgrinningatme.“Eyesonme,”herepeated.“Youclosethemagain,andI’mrollingyouoverand

bitingyourass.SomethingIreallyfuckingwanttodo.Sodon’ttemptme.”

SohewasgoingtobitemeifIclosedmyeyes?Oh,God.
Masetrailedkissesdowntheinsidesofmythighs.Hiseyelidslowereduntilhehadthatsexyhooded

lookthatmademeshiver.IwasmakinglittlenoisesIdidn’tevenrecognize.ButseeingMase’shead
movingdownwardwascausingariotofsensationsinmybody.

Hegrowledashismouthreacheditsdestination,andhiseyessparkedwithahungrylookjustbeforeI

felthistonguegrazeoverwhereitthrobbedthemost.

Whenheclosedhislipsaroundthatsmallspotandsucked,Ibuckedmyhips,unabletostopmyself,and

criedouthisname.

“Eyes,Reese.Givemeyoureyesnow,baby.”
“Ican’t...don’tstop,”Ibegged.
Histongueslidbackovermeandthencircledmyclit.“Idon’twanttostop.I’lldothisforfuckingever

ifyouwant,butIneedyoutolookatme.Watchme.Seewho’smakingyoufeelgood.Stayherewithme.”

Iforcedmyeyesopen,andhisgazeimmediatelylockedwithmine.Ilovedhiseyes.
“There’sthoseprettyeyesIdreamabout,”hemurmured,ashecontinuedusinghistonguetogivemea

formofpleasureIhadneverimaginedexisted.

Witheachstrokeofhistongue,Ifeltthepressurebuildinginside.Theexplosionwascoming.Mylegs

wereshaking,andmyvisionwasstartingtoblur.Mase’snamewasfallingfrommylipsoverandover,
butIcouldn’tmakemyselfstop.

“That’sit,”heencouraged.Hissexywhisperonlymadeitworse,asthewarmthofhisbreathtickled

wherehistonguehadbeen.“Giveittome.Letmehaveit.Rideitoutonmyface.”

Withthosefinalwords,Icameapart.

Mase

wascertainnothingwouldeverbethatbeautifulinmylifetime.

Liftingmyhead,Ipressedakisstotheinsideofherthigh.Beforeshecouldcompletelycomebackfrom

herhigh,ImovedtoliebesidehersoIcouldpullherintomyarmsandholdher.She’dneverleftmeone
time.Hereyeshadbeenfullofdesire.NotoncehadIseenthefearthere,andIhadbeenwatchingclosely.
WhenIhadaskedhertoletmegodownonher,IknewIwasaskingforalot.Iwaspreparedtostopthe
momentshepanicked.

Butshe’dstayedwithme.Nodarknessfromherpastcametotakethatawayfromus.Whenshe’dcried

outmynameandshudderedunderneathme,inthatmoment,I’dfeltlikethekingoftheworld.

Hereyesflutteredagainsthercheekassheopenedthembackup.Ihadn’tinsistedthatshekeepthem

openwhentheorgasmhither.She’dbeenlostinherownpleasurethen,andI’dwantedherthere.I’d
enjoyedthewayitcoursedthroughherbodyandtookherawayforamoment.

Holdinghertightlytome,Ipressedakisstoeachofhereyelids.Shemadeasoftlittlesoundthat

remindedmeofakitten.Itwasalmostapurr.

“Whathaveyoudonetome,ReeseEllis?”
Shetiltedherheadbackandlookedupatme.“Ithinkthatwasyoudoingsomethingtome,”she

replied,withashybutsatisfiedsmileonherlips.

Chuckling,Iburiedmyfaceinherhairandinhaled.“God,baby,youhavenoidea.You’vegotmeso

fuckingwrappedup.AndIdon’tevencare.”

Reeseturnedtowardmeandranherhandovermyhead,slippingherfingersintotheleatherstringI

usedtopullitback.Withatug,shefreedmyhair,thenwrappedmylocksaroundherfingersassheplayed
withit,stillsmilinglikesheownedthesecrettoallhappiness.

“Iloveyourhair,”shewhispered.
“NexttimeIkissyoursweetpussy,Iwantyourhandsinmyhair,”Itoldher,closingmyeyesasshe

begantomassagemyscalp.

“I’mafraidI’dforgetmyselfandpullit.”
“Itwouldbesofuckinghotifyoudid.”
Asoftgigglefromhermademesmile.
Wecuddledinsilenceforseveralminutes.Herhandsstayedinmyhair,playingwithitandrubbingmy

head.Ihadneverbeensocontent.

“Thankyoufortonight.I’veonlyhadabirthdaycakeandapartyonceinmylifethatIcanremember.

AnditendedupbeingadayI’dratherforget.Butyoujustgavemeafairy-talebirthdayparty.Ifeel
special.”

Heradmissionsentthatpainfulslicethroughme.Shit.Ihatedhearinghowthisbeautifulwomanhad

beensofuckingabusedandneglected.Shedeservedafairy-talelife,butshehadlivedthroughhell
instead.Iwasgoingtospendtherestofourlivesmakingsureshehadbirthdaypartiesthatwerefitfora
fuckingqueen.Whenwewereoldandgray,she’dhavesomanygoodmemoriesthatshewouldn’t
rememberthebadones.Iwasgoingtospendmylifeerasingthatshit.

“Mybestpresentwasyou,”shesaid,andpressedakisstomyjaw.
Allmyangerattheinjusticeofherlifefadedaway.Shewassafeandinmyarms.Shewasmine.

Reese

heringingofaphonewokemeup.Sittingup,Ilookedaroundandsquintedagainstthesunlightcoming

inthroughthewindow.Theringingstopped,andIheardtheshowerrunninginthebathroom.Masehad
leftthedoorwideopen.Wasthataninvitationtopeek?BecauseIreallywantedtoseehimnakedand
wet.

Grinning,Ihadthrownbackthecoversandstartedtogetupwhenthephonedingedandvibratedonthe

bed.Lookingaround,IsawMase’sslimsilverphonelyingjustbelowhispillow.Igrabbedit.Icoulduse
thatasmyexcuseforcomingintothebathroomwhilehewasshowering.Notthathe’dexpectanexcuse.

KnowingMase,hewashopingIwould.
Icoveredmymouthtosuppressagiggle,andhisphonedingedandvibratedagain.Someonewasreally

tryingtogetintouchwithhim.Istoppedgrinning,andtheideathatitcouldbeanemergencyhitme.

IglanceddownatthephonetoseeatextmessagefromsomeonenamedMajor.Ididn’tmeantoreadit,

butmyeyesfocusedonthewordsherpanties,andIcouldn’tstopmyself.

Slidingmyfingeroverthescreen,Iopenedthetextmessage.

Major:Cordcamebyinsistngsheleftherpantesunderyourbedfromtheothernight.Shewasdeterminedtogetthem.Ilet
herin.Butdude,sheseemedpissedatyou.Youdonefuckingher?

Irereadthattextoverandover.Itwasn’tmytexttoread.IwasinvadingMase’sprivacy,butIcouldn’t

stop.Cord.Cordelia.Hehadbeenonthephonewithherbefore.Hewas...hewasfuckingher?

Herpanties...
Theothernight...
Oh,God.Iwasgoingtobesick.
Theurgetothrowhisphoneagainstthewallandscreamuntilallthepaininmychestmeltedawaywas

strong.Howcouldhedothis?MyMasewassogoodtome.Hewassweetandthoughtful.Hewaspatient
withme,andhetookcareofme.

Andhewas...aliar.
Ihadtrustedhim.
Everythinginmybodywentnumb.Exceptformyheart,whichhadrupturedinmychest.
Theshowershutoff,andIfinallymovedfromthespotIhadbeenfrozenin.Iswipedmyfingeroverthe

textmessageandpausedonlyabriefsecondtothinkitthroughbeforepressingdelete.ThenIputhis
phonebackwherehehadleftit.Withoutlookingtowardthebathroom,Iwalkedoutofthebedroomandas
faracrosstheapartmentasIcould.Istoodinthecornerfarthestfromhimandwaited.

Hewouldcomelookingforme.Ididn’twanthimgettingclose.
Icouldn’tletmyselfthinkaboutalltheplaceshehadtouchedme.Whenhewasgone,hewastouching

her.Shewashavingsexwithhim.

Itallmadesensenow.Howhewassopatientwithme.Hedidn’tneedsexfromme.Hewasgettingit

regularlybackinTexas.Iplacedahandovermymouthtokeepfromscreaminginagony.

Thiswastoomuch.Ihadn’tknownitcouldfeellikethis.Thesudden,brutalendoflove.
Ihadneverlovedbefore,butnowthatitwasover,thepainwasexcruciating.
Iwouldn’tdothisagain.Love.Thehappinessitgaveyouwasafleetingthing.Itwasn’tworththis.
Hisbodyfilledthedoorway.Atowelwaswrappedaroundhiships,andhishairwasstilldripping

waterthattraileddownhisbarechest.“Reese?”hisvoicewasconcerned.

Hewasconcernedaboutmealot.Thebrokengirlwhoneededhelp.Icouldn’tread,write,orhavesex.

Hewasgoingtofixme.WasthatwhatIhadbeentohim?Aproject?

“What’swrong,baby?”heasked,ashebegantowalktowardme.Icouldn’tlethimtouchme.Not

anymore.

“No!”Iscreamed,holdingmyhandsuptokeephimback.“Don’tcomenearme,”Iwarned.
Hestopped,butthelookinhiseyeswasonethatIwouldhaveoncethoughtwasfear.Ididn’tthinkthat

anymore.Hedidn’tknowwhatfearwas.Orpain.

“Reese,what’swrong?”heaskedcarefully,studyingme.
“Leave.Iwantyoutoleave.Don’tcomeback.Idon’twantyouhere.”Iheldmyhandsup,butIturned

mygazetothedoor.Icouldn’tlookathim,becausemyheartwasconfused.Itthoughtitsawpaininhis
eyes.Itdidn’t.IhadthoughtI’dseenalotofthingswhenhelookedatmethatIdidn’ttrulysee.

“Baby,whathappened?Don’tdothis.Don’tpushmeaway.Letmecometoyou.”
Hethoughtthiswasbecauseofmypast.Icouldhearitinhisvoice.Hewastalkingtothebrokengirl.

Theonehefeltsorryfor.Theonehepitied.“Iwantyougone.Getdressedandgetout!”Iyelledthelast
part.Hewasn’tlisteningtome.Iwantedhimtoleave.Icouldn’tstandherelikethismuchlonger.The
shatteringinsidemychestmademewanttocurlupandholdmyselftogether.

“I’mnotleavingyou,Reese.Youhavetotellmewhat’swrong.Icanhelpyou—”
“No!I’mnotyourpersonalcharitycase.Iwasfinebeforeyou,andI’llbefineafteryou.Butyouneed

toleave!I’mcallingthecopsifyouaren’toutofhereinfiveminutes.”

Masestartedcomingtowardmeagain,andIscreamedatthetopofmylungs.“Jesus,Reese!What’s

wrong?”Hewasyellingnow,too.

Ileveledmygazeonhim.“You.Youarewrong.You’rewrongforme.Idon’twantyouhere.Iwantyou

toleavemealone.You’veforcedmetodothingsIdidn’twanttodo.You’vetouchedmeinplacesIdon’t
liketobetouched.Idon’twanttoseeyouagain.Ever.Justgo!”

Sayingthosewordshurt.Theywerealie.Hewouldknowtheywerealie,butIwasdesperate.He

wasn’tleaving.Hewasn’tlistening.

WhenIsawhimturnandwalkbackaway,Ialmostcollapsed.Hewasgoingtoleaveme.
TherealizationthatMasewasgoingtowalkoutthatdoorandnotcomebackdestroyedwhateverpart

ofmewasleft.

Ishouldneverhaveloved.Iwasn’tmeanttoloveorbeloved.ThiswasalessonIshouldhavelearned

bynow.

Iwantedthenumbnesstospread,butitwasfading.Lossengulfedme.
IfonlyI’dneverknownhowitfelttobelieveIwasspecialtosomeoneelse.
Masereappeared,andhewasholdinghisduffelinhishand.Hewalkedtowardthedoorwithout

lookingatmebutstoppedjustbeforehegotthere.Hiseyesclosedtightly,andheletoutanunsteady
breath.“I’msorry,”wasallhesaid.

Thenhewalkedtothedoorandopenedit.Withonemorelongpause,hestoodthere.Iwaitedforhim

towalkawayandleavemeherealone.Again.

“Whenyourealizewhatyou’vesaidandwhatyou’vedone,callme.I’llbewaiting.Iwanttoholdyou

morethananythingrightnowandhelpyougetthroughthis,butyouwon’tletmenearyou.SoI’mgoingto
dowhatyouwant,becauseIcan’tfixeverythingforyou.Thistime,youhavetodoityourself.Butwhenit
sinksinthatyouwerewrong,callme,Reese.I’llbewaiting.I’llwaitforeverifIhaveto.”

ThenMaseManningwalkedoutofmydoorandoutofmylife.

Mase

henthedoorhadclosedbehindme,Idroppedmybagandbentover,bracingmyhandsonmykneesto

suckinair.Remindingmyselfthatshehadtoworkthroughthiswashard.Leavingher...Oh,God,I
couldn’tjustfuckingleaveher.Shewasinagoddamncornerlookingcompletelydestroyed,andIdidn’t
knowwhy.

Eachbreathhurt.Thetightnessinmychestwaslikeavisegriponmylungs.Myheartwasinthat

apartment.Walkingawaywithoutitseemedimpossible.ButifIwasgoingtogetachanceatafuturewith
Reese,shehadtoletmein.Thepasthauntedher.Itwascontrollingher.Thatmotherfuckinglow-lifescum
haddonethistoher.I’dthoughtIcouldholdherthroughitallandgivehersomuchloveshe’dovercome
it.Butthosedemonswerethereinhereyes.

AllIwasdoingwashelpingherpretendtheyweren’tthere.Iwasn’thelpingherdestroythemand

overcomethem.Mylovewasn’tenough.Iwantedittobe.God,Iwantedittobeenough.Butsheneeded
tofindthestrengthinsideherself.

Whenshedid,shecouldacceptthatIlovedher.ThatIadoredher.ThatIwantedherandalltheshitin

herpast.Iwantedeverything.

Standingup,Iwincedatthepain.
Ididn’twalktomytruck.Instead,IwenttoJimmy’sapartment.Icouldn’tleaveherwithoutknowing

someonewaswatchingoverher.Whensheneededmetorescueher,someonehadtocallme.Iknewshe
neverwould.

Shemightnotwantme,butI’dbedamnedifI’dletherneedme.
KnockingonJimmy’sdoor,Itriedtotakeadeepbreath.ButIcouldn’t.
Thedoorswungopen,andhissmileimmediatelyturnedintoafrown.“Mase?”
Hehadbeenexpectingsomeoneelse.Ididn’treallywanttothinkaboutthat,consideringhewas

wearingapairofredsilkpajamapantsandhischestwasbareandoiled.

“Shewantsmetoleave.No,sheorderedmetoleave,”Icorrectedmyself.“ButIneedyoutocallmeif

sheneedsanything.Don’tlethersuffer.Shemaythinkshedoesn’twantme,butI’lldropanythingtogetto
her.”

Jimmysaggedagainstthedoor.Helookedlet-down.“Well,shit.Whatisinthatgirl’shead?She’s

crazyaboutyou.”

Itwasherpast.Thosefuckingdemonsinhermemory.ButIcouldn’ttellhimthat.
“Sheneedsme,youcallme.I’llbehere.”
Henodded.
Igrippedthehandleofmybagandfoughtbacktheemotion.Thiswasit.Iwasreallyleavingher.

“Watchoverher.Makesureshe’ssafeandlockedinatnight.Don’tletherwalktowork.Don’tlether

walkhome,either.Keephersafeforme.Please.”Iwasbegginghim.Butatthispoint,I’dbeganyone.

Tearsfilledhiseyes.“Shit.Thatgirl,”heshookhishead.“She’sgotsomethinginherpastshe’shiding,

butit’sdark.I’veseenitinhereyes.She’llcallyou.Shelovesyou.”

IhopedtoGodhewasright.“WhenI’mgone,she’llneedsomeone.Bethatsomeone.”
Hewipedathistears,thennodded.“Iwill.”
“Thanks.”
Iheadedbacktothestairsandmytruck.
ItossedmybagontothebackseatbutpausedbeforeIgotinside.Icouldn’tleavewithouttellingher.
Istalkedbacktoherdoorwithapurposeandknocked.Shedidn’tcome,butIwaited.
“Reese.Iknowyouhearme,”Isaidthroughthedoor.
Iknockedagain,butshedidn’tanswer.
“I’mleaving.Youwantmetogo,soI’llgo.ButknowthatIloveyou.Iwillloveyoutherestofmylife.

Ifyoudon’tcallme,IwillstillbethereinTexaslovingyou.”

Iwaited,butshenevercametothedoor.
Afterseveralminutes,Iknewshewasn’tcoming.Shewasgoingtoletmedothis.
Unabletostopmyself,IbangedonthedoorwithmyfistonemoretimeandyelledasloudlyasIcould,

“Iloveyou,ReeseEllis!Iloveyousofuckingmuch!”

Iheardadooropennextdoor,butIdidn’tlookatwhoeveritwas.Iwaitedoutsideherdoor,hoping

she’dopenit.

Butshedidn’t.

Reese

Nineweekslater

openedmydoortofindJimmyontheotherside.Hehadacappuccinoineachhand.Oncethatwasa

comfortingsight.Nothingcomfortedmeanymore.Thenightmaresfrommypastwerebackwitha
vengeance.Irarelysleptanymore.Cappuccinointhemorningandcoffeeinamugintheafternoonwere
theonlywayImadeitthroughworkeveryday.

“Ready,sunshine?”heasked.
Inoddedandgrabbedmybackpack.“Yeah,”Ireplied,takingthecupheofferedme.
“Ihateyou.Iwantyourskin.It’snotfairyougetsotanned,”hecomplained.
“Iworkoutinthesun.OfcourseI’mgoingtogettanned,”Iremindedhim,rollingmyeyes.Hewhined

aboutmytanatleasttwiceaweek.

“Tanningandwatchinghotmenswingclubs.I’mworkinginthewrongdepartment,”hesaidwithahuff.
WebothknewthatDarlawouldn’tlethimworkonthegolfcourseattheKerringtonClub.Jimmyhada

facewomenloved.Heworkedasaserver,andthewomencameindrovestoflirtwithhimandtiphim
well.Onthecourse,hewouldn’tbeaspopular.Therewereseveralwomenwhogolfedbutnotmany.The
majorityplayedtennis.Themendominatedthegolfcourse.

“It’shotoutthere,andthemenarealldressedinshortsandpoloshirts.It’snotexactlysexyattire.You

aren’tmissingoutonanything.”

Jimmyopenedhiscardoorandrolledhiseyesatme.“Girl,I’veseenRushFinlay’shotassinshorts

andapolo,andit’senoughformetopouricewaterdownmypants.”

“God!Jimmy!”Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh,buthonestly,hecouldbesodescriptive.
Isankdownintothepassengerseat,putmybackpackonthefloor,andsetmycoffeeinthecupholderso

Icouldbuckleup.RidingwithJimmytoandfromworkwaseasiernowthatweworkedatthesame
place.Jimmyhadarrangeditsothatourschedulesmatchedeveryweek.

“Keepingitreal,babe,”hereplied,asheclimbedinside.
SometimesJimmykeepingitrealwashimjustwantingtomakemelaugh.Onlyrecentlyhadhebeen

abletoaccomplishthat,anditwasn’toften.ButIwouldgivehimonething:sincethemomentMase
Manninghadwalkedoutofmylife,Jimmyhadbeenmyshadow.

Icouldn’tgoanywherewithoutcheckinginwithhim.Hepanickedifhedidn’tknowwhereIwas,and

healwaysstayedlatewithme.Forawhile,hewouldsitandholdmyhandwhileIwenttosleepatnight.
Henevermentionedit,butIknewhewastryingtotaketheplaceofmynightlyphonecalls.TheonesI
didn’thaveanymore.

IhadquitmycleaningjobwiththeCarterssimplybecauseIcouldn’tseeanyonewhoremindedmeof

Mase,andtherewasthechancethathe’dturnupanytimeforavisit.Iwasn’tsurehowI’dhandlethat.I
alsotoldBlaireFinlaythatIcouldn’tcleanforher.TheFinlaysalsoremindedmeofMase.

OnceIwasjobless,Jimmyofferedtogetmeworkasacartgirlonthecountryclub’sgolfcourse.Ihad

toldhimaboutmydyslexiathen,andhehadhelpedmefillouttheapplication.WhenhehadaskedmeifI
wantedtoreadtohimatnight,Ihadbrokendownandclosedmyselfupinmyroom.Hedidn’thavetoask
tofigureoutwhy.Hewasasmartguy.

Nowheaskedme,“Thadstillcomingalotduringyourshifts?”
Isighedandlaidmyheadbackagainsttheseat.“Thadjustgolfsalot.He’snotonlycomingduringmy

shifts.”

Jimmyletoutanamusedlaugh.“Keeptellingyourselfthat,chick.Butblondiedoesn’tgolfunlesshe’s

withWoodsorGrant.Itisn’tsomethingIeversawhimdobyhimself.Untilyouputonthatlittleoutfitand
startedpassingoutbeers.”

Ididn’twanttothinkaboutThadcomingtoseeme.Ididn’twantanyonecomingtoseeme.Notthat

way.

Iloveyou,ReeseEllis!
Thatbrokencrythathadbeensoloudmyneighborshearditwasallthattookupresidenceinmychest.

Everythingelsewasgone.Findinganyemotionwashardforme.Onlyatnight,whenIwasasleepandthe
pastcamebacktotortureme,didIscreamandcry.

Overthepastnineweeks,Ihaddealtwithmomentsofweakness.OnceIalmostconvincedmyselfthatI

hadimaginedthattextmessage.AndwhenIcouldn’tmakemyselfbelievethat,Itriedtoconvincemyself
thatIcouldlivewithhimhavingsexwithotherpeople.IfIhadhiminmylife,thatwouldbeenough.I
wouldforgivehimforneedingsexsobadlythathehadtogetitelsewhere.

Then,atmylowestpoints,Iblamedmyselfforbeingscrewed-upinthehead.Fornotbeingabletogive

himwhathisbodyneeded.Ihadpushedhimintoherarms.

Helovedme,though.Hehadyelleditatthetopofhislungs.
Afterweeksofnowordfromhim,Ihadtoacceptthathehadmovedon.Ihadsenthimaway,andhe

hadgone.Noteasily,buthehadgone.Nowsomeoneelse,probablyCordelia,wastakingcareofhis
needs.Shewaslovinghimandmakinghimsmile.ShewaseverythingIhadn’tbeentohim.

SoIjustsurvived.Everyday,Igotupandsurvivedtheday.Everynight,Isurvivedthenightmares.

ThenIdiditagain.Overandover.

Andalone.
BecauseI’dmadehimleave.
“EarthtoReesey-poo.Wheredidyougo,woman?Iaskedyouaquestion.”
IshookmyMasethoughtsaway.They’dbebacktofillthevoidlater.“Sorry,whatdidyouask?”
“Iaskedifyouwantedtogotakeyourwrittentestandgetyourdrivingpermittomorrowsincewe’re

offwork.”

Dr.Munroehadbeenhelpingmestudyfortwoweeksnow.IwasaspreparedasI’deverbe.“Yeah.

Thatwouldbegood,”Ireplied.

Theexcitementdidn’tcome.IhadthoughtoncethatIwouldneverdriveacar.NowIwascloseto

achievingthatgoal,andIcouldn’tmanagetofeelevenalittlejoy.BecausetheonepersonIwantedwith
me,theonepersonIwantedtosharethiswith,wasn’there.

Ihadpushedhimaway.Ihadlovedtoomuch.Withabrokenmindandbody,Ihadlovedcompletely.

Andhehadneededmorethanthatbrokenmindandbody.

Imagesofhimtouchingafacelesswomananddoingthingstoherthathedidtomeshreddedmeevery

timeIletmyselfthinkaboutit.Iwantedtobewhole.Iwantedtobeenoughforhim.

“Don’tgettooexcited.Imighthavetopulloveruntilyoucalmdown,”Jimmysaidsarcastically.

Iforcedasmileforhim.
“Notbuyingthatfakeshit,Reese,”hereplied.
ItwasallIhad.Fakeshit.

Mase

wingingtheax,IsplitthepieceofwoodIneededtomendthefence.ButIcouldn’tstop.Liftingtheax,I

swungagain,ruiningtheperfectpieceI’dcreated.ThenIswungagain.Andagain.Andagain.

Iwasn’tsurewhentheyellingstarted,butwhenIlookeduptoseemymotherstandingacrossfromme

withherhandsonherhips,frowningatmedisapprovingly,IknewImusthavegottenloud.

Shit.
Shehadbeenwaitingformetosnap.Ihadbeencarefultoworkthroughmydaywithoutemotionas

longasherattentionwasonme.GettingMaryannColtoffyourbackwhenshethoughtyouneededtotalk
wasnearimpossible.

Idroppedtheaxandstareddownatthesmallchunksofwoodthatwerenowonlygoodforfirewood.

I’dannihilatedit.IwouldhavetogogetanotherpiecenowsoIcouldfixthegoddamnfence.

“Don’treckonthatwooddidanythingtoyou,”Mommasaid,cockingoneofhereyebrows.
Ididn’trespond.IjustdroppedtomyhaunchesandstartedpickingupthemessI’dmade.
“I’vehadallIcantake,MaseColtManning.You’vebeenashellofmyboyformonths,andnowyou

loseyourmindandbeginyellingandbeatingtheshitouttathatlogwithanax?Youhavetotalktome.
You’regivingmeanxietyattacks.I’mworriedaboutyou.”

Fornineweeks,Ihadmanagedtolivewithoutmyheart.Thiswasn’talife.Mylifewasawomanwho

didn’twantme.Thiswasanexistence.Anempty,shallowexistence.

Ihadn’ttoldmymotheraboutReese,butHarlowhad.Mommahadaskedmeabouthertheweekafter

Reesesentmeawayfromher.IhadbeensoovercomewithpainfromjustthesoundofhernamethatIhad
jumpedupandfledthetable.Mommahadn’tmentionedheragain.

ButnowIneededherto.IneededtotalkaboutReese.Iwantedtotellsomeoneabouther.Tofillmy

emptinesswiththememoryofher.

“Iloveher,”Isaidsimply.
Sheraisedbothofhereyebrowsnow.“Ikindofgotthatalready,sweetie.Whenyouranlikethefires

ofhellwereafteryouthedayIaskedyouabouther,yougavethataway.”

“She’smylife,Momma.Reese.She’sit.Myone.Butshedoesn’twantme.”Justsayingitsentaboltof

agonythroughme.Iwinced,unabletohideitfrommymother.

“Thenshe’safool,”Mommasaid,withalltheconvictionofamotherwholovedherson.
“No.She’sbrilliant.She’sbeautiful.She’slikeabrightrayofsunlight.She’s...Herlifegrowingup..

.”Istoppedandswallowedthebilethatroseinmythroatjustfromthinkingaboutwhatshe’dbeen
through.Howmygirlhadsuffered.“Itwasbad,Momma.Dark.Asdarkandtwistedasagirl’slifecan
be.Butshe’snotafool.”

Mymother’sfacefell.Icouldseeherfightingbackthetearsinhereyes.“Oh,baby.Ishouldhave

figuredwhenmybig-hearted,beautifulboyfellinlove,he’dfallinlovesocompletely.Youneverdid
anythinghalfway.Youdidn’ttakeyourfirststeps,youtookoffrunning.Youdidn’tsayyourfirstword,
yousanganentirelineofasong.Andyoudidn’tjusttakeupfortheunderdogsatschool,yougotexpelled
fortyingabullytoaflagpole.Mybabyhasneverdoneanythinghalfway.Youdoitwithsomuch
determinationitblastseveryoneelse’sattemptsoutofthewater.”

Shewalkedaroundmymessanddroppeddownbesideme.Ifeltthetearsburnmyeyesasshetookmy

faceinherhandsandlookedatmewithsomuchloveandheartache,becausethatwaswhoshewas.My
momhurtwithme.Shealwayshad.

“Youareagoodman.Thebest.Iloveyourstepfather,butevenhisdoesn’tcomparetotheheartyou

have.YouwerethebestthingI’lleverdointhislife.Ican’ttopcreatingyou.Beingyourmotherisagift
thatbringsmejoyeverydayofmylife.I’lldieknowingIleftamanonthisearthwhowillleaveatrailof
goodeverywherehegoes.”Shestopped,andIknewtherewasa“but”coming.“Butforthefirsttimein
yourlife,Iamwatchingyouletsomeonedestroyyou.Imissyoursmileandyourlaugh.Iwantthoseback.
You’veneverletanyobstacleinyourlifegounconquered.Whyareyoudoingitnow?Ifyouloveher,
thengogether.Nowomaninherrightmindcanturnthisfacedown.”

Ireachedoverandwipedthetearsfrommymother’sdeterminedface.“Ineedhertocometome.Ifwe

haveachanceatafuture,Ineedhertocometome.I’vealwaystakenwhatIwantedandconqueredmy
trials,butnothingandnoonehasevermeantwhatshedoes.Ican’tconquerher,Momma.Iloveher.I
neverwanttomakeherdoanything.Evenloveme.Shehastolovemeallonherown.”

Mommaletoutasobandwrappedherarmsaroundmeandheldmetoher.Iclosedmyeyesandfought

backtheemotionthreateningtoletgo.ThelasttimemymotherhadseenmecrywaswhenIwasthreeand
brokemyarmfallingoffatrampoline.EvenwhenHarlowhadlaininacoma,Ihadcriedinprivate.

IwouldnevergetoverlosingReese.Ifshenevercamebacktome,I’dbebrokentherestofmylife.

Reese

notherweekpassedby,andImanagedtosurvive.ItwasallIwasdoing.Witheverydaythatwentby,I

feltlikeIwaslosingmyselfalittlemore.Thehorrorofmypastwasslowlytakingover.TheprogressI
hadachievedoverthetwoyearsI’dbeenawaywasgone.Icouldnolongerpushawaythememoriesof
mystepfather.

SoonIwouldhavetoseeatherapist.Iwasn’tsleepingmuchatallnow,andwhenIdid,itwasn’t

peaceful.Theweightwasfallingoffme,andIhaddarkcirclesundermyeyesthatIcouldn’tcoverup
anymore.Ineededhelp.

TheonlythingholdingmebackwasthatIknewI’dhavetotalkaboutMase.
Icouldn’ttalkabouthim.Ithurttoomuch.
“ReeseEllis?”afemalevoiceasked.IputdownthebeersIwasloadingintothedrinkcart’sicebox

andturnedaround.

Anattractiveolderladywithdarkhairthatcurledunderinashoulder-lengthbobstoodlookingatme

asifshewasstudyingme.Iknewshewasn’tamemberhere.Theworn-outjeansandbootsshewas
wearingdidn’tlooklikeanythingtheladiesherewore.Thentherewasthecowboyhatthatsatbackon
herhead.Thatwasadeadgiveawaythatshewasoutofplace.

“Yes?”Ireplied.
Shedidn’tsmileorsayanythingrightaway.Shecontinuedtotakemein.Althoughshewasn’tglaringat

me,shelookedasifshewantedtoshakeme.

Iglancedaroundtoseeiftherewasanyoneelsearoundorjustus.
“Iimaginedyou’dbebeautiful,butjustlikealways,whenmyboydoessomething,hedoesitbig,”she

said,andasadsmiletouchedherlips.

Ididn’tknowwhatshewastalkingaboutorwhoshethoughtshewastalkingto.Sayingthankyoudidn’t

seemliketherightthingtodo.

“ThosedarkcirclesandtheemptylookinyoureyestellmeallIneedtoknow.Soletmetellyouwhat

youneedtoknow,”shesaid,takingafewstepstowardme.“I’vewatchedmysonfightbattlesfor
everyonehe’severlovedandwin.Whenhewasseven,hiscousingotpickedonatschoolbyabully.My
babyfoundout.ThenextthingIknow,Ihavetogogetmyboyfromschoolbecausehewassuspendedfor
wrappinganotherkidaroundtheflagpolewithducttape.Iwashorrified.UntilIfoundoutthekidwasthe
onewhohadbeenbeatingonhiscousin.Callinghimnamesandknockinghimdowninthehalls.That
particularday,thebullyhadstuckhiscousin’sheadinthetoilet,withurineinit,andflushed.Afterthe
ducttape,noonemessedwithhiscousinagain.

“Whenhewasten,thelibrarianathisschool,whobroughthimcookieseverydayandalwayssaved

himthebestbooks,wasbeingletgobecausetheschoolboardsaidtheydidn’thavethebudgettokeepa

full-timelibrarian.Mrs.Hawkswasinherseventies,butshelovedthosekids,andmyboywasher
favorite.Somybabygotapetitiontogetherandthengotdifferentbusinessesintowntopledgefundsand
donatetothecause.Mrs.Hawksdidn’tloseherjob.Infact,hecollectedsomuchmoneyshegotaraise.

“Whenhewasnineteen,hefoundouthislittlesisterhadgottenherheartbrokenatschoolbyaboywho

onlycaredaboutwhoherdaddywas.Heaskedmeifhecouldgovisither,andIlethimgo.Thatboywho
brokehislittlesister’sheartfoundhistruckjustoutoftown,completelyimmersedinwater.”

Shestoppedandchuckled.“MaseColtManningfightsforthoseheloves.It’swhathedoes.AndIknow

hetriedtofightforyou.Hewantedtoconqueryourbattles.AndfromthelittleresearchI’vedone,Ifound
outhesendsamonthlychecktoaDr.AstorMunroethatcostsmorethanIcaretoshare.Hegetsweekly
reportsfromthisprofessoronaReeseEllis’sprogress.He’sfightingyourbattles.Whichmeansheloves
you,too.Problemis,mybabygoesbigwhenhedoesanything.Andwhenhedecidedtofallinlove,he
diditinamassiveway.”

Shestoppedandpointedherfingeratme.Icouldseehersonnowinthedeterminedgazesheleveled

onme.HowhadInotseenitbefore?

“Heneedssomeonetofightforhimnow.Becausehe’slosthimself.He’sashellofthemanIraised.

He’swalkingthroughlifewithnojoy,becausehetellsmeheleftitwithhisheart.Heleftitwithyou.So
ifyoulovehimevenatinysmidgenasmuchashelovesyou,thenfightforhim.Hedeservesitmorethan
anyone.It’stimesomeonefoughthisbattle.”

Adropfellonmyarm,andIreacheduptofeelmyfacewetwithtears.Myheartwasback,anditwas

twistinginpainlisteningtoMase’smothertellmehowheneededme.Hewashurtbecauseofme.

Ididn’tcareanymoreaboutthetext.Ortheotherwoman.IfMaseneededmetofightforhim,Iwould.

I’dfightwhoeverthehellCordeliawas,too.IwouldfightuntilIcouldn’tfightanymore.

“Whereishe?”Iasked.
“He’sathome.HethinksI’vegonetovisitmysisterinSanAntonio.”
“HowdoIgettohim?Whereishishome?”
Asmilespreadacrosstheotherwoman’sface.“Icantakeyourighttohim.”
Iclosedthelidonthecooler.“LetmegotellmybossI’mleaving.ThenI’llbereadytogo.”
“I’mMaryannColt,bytheway,”shesaid,holdingoutherhandformetoshake.“Anditisapleasureto

meetthewomanmysonloves.Iwasworried,butIcanseehechosewell.”

HerapprovalsentthefirstwarmththroughmethatI’dfeltintenweeks,twodays,andfivehours.

Mase

“O

K,I’madouchebag.Ihaveto’fessup,becausethisshitiseatingmealive,”Majorsaid,ashe

steppedintothebarnwithasaddlethrownoverhisshoulder.

IcontinuedrubbingdownmyAppaloosa,Kryptonite,andignoredhiscomment.Ihadtogetthe

stallion’sstallcleanedoutnext,andIdidn’thavetimetodealwithMajorandhisdrama.

“I’mfuckingCordelia.I’vebeenfuckingherforliketwomonths.She’sreallygoodatsuckingmydick.

Sorry,butI’maman,andshecameontome,andIletherblowme.ThenIturnedheroverthesawhorse
andfuckedher.Itwasaweakmoment.Iwashorny,andshecamestruttinginwearingthesecutoffjeans
shortsthatshowedpartofherassandalittletopthatbarelycoveredhertits.She’shot,man.Iaskedyou
ifyouwerestillfuckingher,andyoudidn’tanswer.Ifigureditmeantshedidn’tmatter.”

ThatwaswhyCordeliahadleftmethehellalone.IshouldbegivingMajormoneyforthis.“Gladshe’s

servicingyouwell.”IpattedKryptonite,thenturnedtoleadhimovertothestallI’dalreadycleaned.

“Soyoudon’tcarethatI’mtappingthatass?”heasked.
“Youdidmeafavor.Shewasn’ttakingnoforananswer.”
Majorletoutasighofrelief.“ThankGod.Iwasworriedyou’vebeeninthissourmoodbecauseItook

yourgo-tofuck.”

Ididn’tevenrespondtothat.Therewasnopoint.
“Thedayshecametogetherpanties,Iwasclosetofuckingherthen.Shewasdressedinalittleshort

skirt,lookinglikeadamnpornstar.ButIcalledandtextedyou,andyoudidn’tanswer.Ilethergothen.
Butthenextday,whensheshowedupinthebarn,Ifuckedher.Youweren’tcomingoutofyourhousethat
week.Itwasthatweekyouwereinsuchabadmood.”

Rightontime.HestartedthingsupwithherwhenIreallyneededeveryoneoutofmyface.Notelling

whatIwouldhavesaidtoherifshe’dstartedthatshitupthen.Ididn’twanther,butIdidn’tseeanyusein
sayinganythinghurtful.Shedidn’tdeservethat.

“Wherewereyouthatweekend,anyway?ThattimeItextedyou?Youcamebackhereangryatthe

world.Andyou’vebeenfucked-upeversince.WasitRosemaryBeach?Thatgirlyouweregoingtosee?”

Iwasn’ttalkingaboutthiswithhim.
Wait.Whattext?
Theworldaroundmestopped,andmyemptychestsuddenlyfeltheavierthanlead.Please,God,no.

Don’tletthisbewhatIthinkitis.

“Major,”Isaid,almostafraidtoask.DidIwanttheanswer?CouldIlivewiththis?
“Yeah?”
“Whattext?”Iasked,beforeIcouldstopmyself.
“TheoneIsentyouaboutCordgettingherpantiesunderyourbedandaskingifyouwerestillfucking

her.”

No...no...no...
“Major,Inevergotthattext.Whendidyousendit?”
“Itoldyou—”
“No.Ineedtoknowthedateandtimeyousentthatmotherfuckingtext!”Ishouted.Thehorses

whinnied,butmyheadwaspounding,andtheheavinesswastakingovermylungs.

“Shit,dude.I’llcheck.Calmdown,”hegrumbled,pullingouthisphoneandscrollingthroughthetext

messages.

“Uh...June29atninea.m.Calledtwicebeforethat,too.Noanswerorresponse.”
Idroppedthesuppliesfrommyhandsandwalkedoutthedoor.Ikeptwalking.Ijustfuckingwalked.I

walkeduntilIwasasfarawayfromMajorasIcouldget,untilmyhousevanishedfromsight.

ThenItiltedmyheadbackandletitalloutinanangryroar.
She’dseenthattext.Thatwaswhathadsenthertothecorner,lookingatmeasifshehadshattered.A

fuckingtexthadtakenherfromme.

Reese

aryannColthadtalkedthewholewayonthedrivefromtheairport.Shehadsleptfortheentireflight.I

hadn’tbeenabletodoanythingbutstareoutthewindow.MythoughtshadbeenonMaseandtheboy
she’ddescribed.HesoundedexactlylikethemanIhadfalleninlovewith.Onetexthadmademedoubt
everything.Allhehaddonetoshowmehowmuchhelovedme,andIhadn’tevenlethimexplain.

Ihadn’tbeenacharitycase.Hewasn’ttryingtofixme.Hewasfightingmybattlesbecauseheloved

me.

Hedidn’tevenknowaboutthetext.Ihaddeleteditbeforeputtinghisphoneback.Hehadnoideawhat

hadchangedthatmorning.Iwasnowgoingtoshowupathishouseunannounced.Iknewthatjustbecause
hismothersaidhewantedme,thatdidn’tmeanIwouldn’thavetofightforhim.

Hecouldhavemovedoninotherways.Cordeliacouldbekeepinghimwarmatnight.Iwouldn’tthink

aboutthat.

IlistenedtoMaryanntalkinstead.Ihadtofocusonherwords,notonwhatIcouldbefacingsoon.But

nomatterwhatitwas,Iwouldfight.Hehadfoughtformeonce.Iwasgoingtofightforhimnow.

“Hishouseisuptheroadabit.Hemightbeinbedbynow.It’slate,andhe’sbeengoingstraightto

sleepafterdinner.Butknockonthewindowtotheleftsideofthehouseifhedoesn’topenthedoor.I’m
gonnaletyouwalkfromhere.Idon’twanthimtoseemytruck.It’sallonyounow.Yougoshowmyboy
he’sworthfightingfor.”

Iopenedthetruckdoorandjumpeddown.
Maryannpointedtothedirtroadlitbymoonlightrightbehindherhouse.“Followthattrail.It’lltake

yourighttohisdoor.”

Istartedtowalkthatway,thenstoppedandglancedbackather.Icaughtherwipinghereyes.“Thank

you,”Isaid.“Iknowyoudiditforhim.Butyousavedme,too.”

Ididn’twaitforherresponse.IheadedupthehilltowardtherooftopIcouldbarelyseeinthedistance.

Themetalroofcaughtthemoon’srays,andIfollowedthem.Myheartwasracingforthefirsttimein
months.Iwasgoingtoseehim.IwasgoingtoseeMase.

IfCordeliawasthere,Ihadtokeepmycalmandnotclawhereyesout.ButthecloserIgottohiscabin,

themoreIrealizedIcouldn’tnotattackherifshewastouchinghim.Ifhehadtouchedher.

Iwasgoingtomakemyselfsick.Icouldn’tthinkaboutthat.
Therewasablacktrucksimilartothesilveronehismotherdroveparkedoutside.Itwastheonly

vehicle,andIwantedtosighinrelief.IcouldfighttheCordeliabattlelater.Rightnow,Iwasgoingto
focusongettinghimtoforgiveme.

Isteppedupontothefrontporchandstopped.NowthatIwasherewithoutMaryanncoachingme,I

wasfrozeninfear.ButIhadcomethisfar.Flownforthefirsttimeinmylifeandlefttheonlysafeplace

I’deverknowntocomehere.TofaceamanIhadthrownoutofmylife.

ThelasttimeI’dheardhisvoice,he’dbeenshoutingthroughmydoorthathelovedme.
Didhestill?HadIwaitedtoolong?
ThedoorswungopenbeforeIevengotcloseenoughtoknock,revealingashirtlessMase.The

shadowscoveredhisface,butIknewthatchest.Ialsoknewthoseboxerbriefs.Ihadtosaysomething.
Myentirebodyseemedtofreezeuponme.“Icametofightforyou,”Iblurtedout,andthenIburstinto
tears.

Mase

eesewashere.Atmyhouse.Onmyporch.Andshewascrying.
Isteppedoutintothedarkness,stillwonderingifthiswasadreamandifIhadsomehowmanagedto

getsomesleeptonightafterall.

“Reese?”Iasked,afraidthatifItouchedher,I’dwakeup.
“I’msorry.I...seeingyou...IwasgoingtobestrongandtellyouIloveyouandImessedupandI

loveyouand—”

Fuckthedream.Ireachedforherandpulledherintomyarms.
Shewashere.Shewashere.Shewashere.
Herarmswrappedaroundmeandheldontightly.JustthewayIremembered.Thesweetcinnamonmet

mynose,andIknewmyimaginationwasn’tthatgood.I’dtriedtoimaginehersmellmorethanonceand
couldn’t.ThiswasmyReese.

“Iloveyou.Iwon’tleave.I’mheretomakeyoutakemeback.I’memptywithoutyou.”Shesobbedin

myarms.

Wasshetryingtopersuademetoletherstaywithme?Didsheseriouslythinkshehadtobegformeto

keepher?

“Reese,I—”
Shepulledbackandlookedupatmewithwide,panickedeyes.“No.Don’tsayanything.Justlistento

me.Iwaswrong.You’reworthfightingfor.Iwas...Iamamess.Ihavetoovercomealot,butIwill
makeitworthit.Iwillloveyoumorethansheevercould.Morethananyoneevercould.I’llspendthe
restofmylifeprovingtoyouthatI’mworththehassle.Iwon’tletadaygobywithoutshowingyouhow
muchIloveyou.I’llmovehere.I’llgetaplaceandajob.Iwillcookyoumeals,andI’ll—”

Icoveredhermouthwithmineandstoppedheradorable,ramblingargument.Hersurprisedcrywas

followedbyawhimper,andshekissedmelikesheneededthetasteofmetolive.Hersweetnessseeped
intome,asthoseplumplipspressedagainstmine.IcuppedherfaceandpulledherbacksothatIcould
lookintohereyes.

Theywerestillwateryfromherinstantbreakdownwhenshesawme.Buttheywerebeautiful.My

beautifulbaby-blues.TheonesthatIdreamedabout.Theonesthatwouldalwaysholdme.

“I’mworthfightingfor?”Iasked,wantingtohearhersaythatonemoretime.Shehadlookedsodamn

determinedwhenshe’dsaiditthefirsttime.

“Yes!”shesaid,thefiercenesscomingback.
“Andwhodoyouthinkyouhavetofightagainstforme?”
Painflickeredinhereyes.Ididn’twantthat.Istartedtoassureherthattherewasnoone,butshespoke

first.“Anyone...I’llfightanyone,”shesaidfinally.

ShewastalkingaboutCordelia.Thatmotherfuckingtext.
“Baby.Fromthemomentthoselipsofyourstouchedmine,Iwasyours.No,scratchthat.Fromthe

momentIwalkedoutofthebedroomandsawyoursweetassintheairandheardyousingingoffkey,I
wasyours.Nooneelse.Ever.Beforeyou,yes,therewereothers.AndtherewasonegirlIhada‘friends
withbenefits’relationshipwith.Nothingelse.Butthemomentyouwalkedintomylife,thatended.She
didn’ttakeitwell,andshetriedtogetmetochangemymind.ButallIsaw,allmyheartsaw,wasyou.
Nooneelse.”

“Cordelia,”shesaidsoftly.
“Yes.ButthetextyousawfromMajorwasbecauseIcamehomefromworktofindherinmybed.I

orderedheroutandthreatenedtocallmymommaifshedidn’tgetoutofmybed.Ievenwashedmysheets
togetridofhersmell.Hell,I’veevenboughtanewmattresssincethenandnewsheets.Ididn’twantto
sleeponanythingthathadanyonebutyouonit.Ever.”

“Sheleftherpantiesthatday,”shesaidsoftly,hereyesshiningwithnewtears.“Thatwaswhatthetext

meant.”

Inodded.Ituckedalockofherhairbehindherear.“IfI’dknownthatwaswhathadyoulookingatme

likeIwasamonster,Iwouldhavestayedandfoughtforyou.ButIthoughtitwasthepast,thedemonsthat
hauntyou.IthoughtIhadpushedtoohardandyouneededspace.”Istoppedandtookadeepbreath.“I
thoughtyouwouldcall.Iwaited.Iwaswaiting.Iwasgoingtowaitforever.”

Shepuckeredupagain,andIstartedkissingherface.Ididn’twanthertocry.Ihadherhere.Withme.
“I’mnotlettingyougoback.You’restayingwithme.Ican’tletyouleaveme.I’llgocrazy,”Itoldher,

asIkissedhercheeksandnose,thenpressedachastekisstohermouth.

“Idon’twanttoleave,”shesaid.
God,Ilovedher.“Comeinside,”Isaid,slippingmyhandoverhersandleadingherintothehouse.

“Liedownwithme.Iwanttoholdyou.”

Reesestopped,andIlookedbackather.“No.TonightIwanttoholdyou,”shesaid,herfaceonce

againdetermined.

“Ifthat’swhatyouwant,”Iagreed.
Itookoffherbootsandpulleddownherjeans.Sheletmeundressherwithoutquestion.WhenI

unhookedherbra,Ididn’ttouchorlook,IjustgrabbedmydiscardedT-shirtandslippeditoverherhead.

Sheburiedhernoseinitandinhaled,wrappingherarmstightlyaroundherself.Iloveditwhenshe

cuddledwithmyclothingasifitwereme.

Thenshecrawledupontomynewking-sizebedandputherbackagainsttheheadboardandheldout

herarmstome.

Emotionbattlingwithamusement,Iwasabletokeepthetearsburningmyeyesfrombreakingfree.I

movedoverherandlaidmyheadagainstherchestsoIcouldlistentoherheartbeat.

Sheranherfingersthroughmyhairaswelaytherelikethat.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaistand

baskedinherscent.ThesoundofherheartspedupeverytimeIslidmyhanddowntowardherbottom,
thenbackupagain.

“EverystepI’vetakeninlifehasledmetoyou,”shesaidinawhisper.“AndbecauseI’mherenow,I

don’tregretonething.Foreverybadthingthathappened,I’vebeenrewardedsomethingevenmore
beautifulthanallofthebadinreturn.Youmadeitworthit.You’remygiftinlife.Ilivedthroughthebad
andsurvived.MyrewardwasthatGodgavemeyou.”

Inolongercaredaboutholdingbacktears.
Icriedinherarms.

Reese

odaywewerebothgoingbacktoRosemaryBeachtopackupmythings.Masehadn’tbeenOKwithme

goinganywherewithouthim,sofortwodays,IworeclothesthatbelongedtoHarlowfromwhenshehad
stayedathishouseacoupleofyearsago.Theywerealltooshortandsnug,butImanagedtomakedo.

However,Masewouldn’tletmeoutofthehousedressedinherclothing.Hewasworriedabout

someonelookingatme.MajorhadseenmethefirstmorninginapairofHarlow’sshortsandatanktop
andofferedMasehisleftnutforme.Masehadpunchedhimintheface.Ithadbeenafiasco.

WhenMaryannhadcomeuptothehouse,upsetandaskingMasewhyhehadbrokenMajor’snose,he

toldher,andshe’dstartedlaughing.Thenshe’dturnedrightaroundandleft.

Iwokeuptoanemptybedthatmorning,which,afterthewayMasehadheldmeinavisegripthepast

twonights,surprisedme.IgotupandwalkedtowardthebathroomtoheartheshowerrunningandMase
singing.Unlikemysinging,hiswasbeautiful.Hisvoicehadaraspyedgetoit,butitflowedinawaythat
gavemegoosebumps.I’dneverheardhimsingbefore.WithafatherlikeKiro,itonlymadesensethathe
hadavoicetomatchhisgenepool.

Ididn’trecognizethelyrics,buttheydrewmein.Iopenedthedoorandsteppedintothesteam.He

didn’tnoticeme,buthisheadwastiltedbackunderthewater,andhewasstillsinging.

I’lltakeyourdemonsifyou’llletmein.Don’tholditback,baby,becauseallIwanttogiveismore.
Hisheadturned,andhissingingstoppedwhenhiseyeslockedwithmine.
Itwasn’toneofthosethingsIneededtothinkaboutandplan.Thismanlovedme,andIknewI’dnever

loveanyonethewayIlovedhim.HewaswillingtotakeanythingIthrewathim,aslongashecouldhold
meintheend.

Grabbingthehemofmyshirt,Ipulleditupandovermyheadandtossedittothefloor.ThenIquickly

slippedoffmypantiesandwenttoopentheshowerdoor.Masestoodfrozenashisgazetraileddownmy
nakedbody.

Steppingintothehotstreamofwater,Ilookeddownathisthick,cordedthighsandtrailedmygazeup

toseethathewashardandready.Feelingbraveandsafe,Ireachedforthesoapandbeganlatheringmy
handsasMasestoodstill.Hedidn’tmoveorevenflinch.Onlyhiseyesfollowedmyeverymove.I
movedcloserandslidbothhandsoverhishard,smoothlength.

Alowgroancamefromhischest,andIlookedupathimtoseehiseyelidshadloweredtothathooded

expressionIloved.Slidingmywet,soapyhandsoverhimwithlongstrokes,Iwatchedashisjawwent
lax,andhebackedupandleanedagainstthewall.Imovedahandunderneathtocuphistightsackand
begansoapinghimthere,too.

“Reese,”hemoaned,reachingformyhand.
“Letme,”Ibegged,pressingmybreastsagainsthischest.

“Ah...fuuuck.”
Ikeptmygripfirmandslowasthetipofhispenisgrewred.Clearfluidbegantoleakout,andI

becameanxioustohearhimcome.Iquickenedmypace,andhisbreathhitched.

“I’mgonna...come.Shit,baby,I’mgonnacome,”hesaid,andthenadeepcryfellfromhislipsashis

releaseshotoutontomystomachandovermyhands.

“Don’tmove.”Hegasped,andIlookeduptoseehiseyeszoominonmystomach,coveredinhim.

“Oh,goddamn...don’tmove.Justletmelookatyou.Likethat.”

Feelingbrave,Iranmyfingertipthroughthewhitestreamofcomethathadlandedonme.ThenIlifted

mygazetolookathim.Hiseyeshadgonehotagain.Apossessivegleamshoneinthem.

“Rubitin,”hesaidinahoarsewhisper.
Ididashesaid.Iusedbothhandsandmassageditintomyskinuntilitwasgone.
Hereachedbehindhimselfandtookthebarofsoapandbegantosoaphishands.Movingawayfrom

thewall,heclosedthespacebetweenusuntilhishandscoveredmybreasts.Thenhebegantowashme.
Orthem.Thoroughly.Hepinchedmynipplesandsqueezedthemgentlybeforemovingdownmystomach.
WhenhegottowhereI’drubbedhisreleaseintomyskin,hewasheditwithareverenttouchthatmade
theachebetweenmylegsturnintoathrob.

Bythetimehemovedhishandbetweenmylegs,Ihadtoputbothmyhandsouttoholdontothewall

oneithersideofme.Mylegsbegantobuckle,andMasewhisperedinmyearthatIwasbeautiful.ThatI
washis.Thathelovedeverypartofme.Thatseeinghiscomeonmemadehimcrazywithneed.

Holdingontohisshoulders,Ifeltthebuildupcoming,andIknewIwasabouttobehitwithanorgasm

thatwouldverylikelysendmetomyknees.

Maseslippedanarmaroundmywaistandheldmeashepressedonmyclitonemoretime.Heheldme

whilethepleasurecrashedoverme,andmykneesfinallygaveinandbuckled.

BythetimeIwascomingbacktoearth,hehadrinsedmeandwascarryingmeoutoftheshower.He

didn’tdrymeuntilhesetmeontheendofhisbed.Whenhehadmedry,hedidaquickonce-overon
himself,thenmovedmebackonthebed.

Hismouthcoveredmineashishard,nakedbodybrushedupagainstme.Iarchedmyback,tryingtofeel

moreofhimashecontinuedtoholdhimselfupandoverme.ThiswouldbeanotherreasonIwasthankful
formylonglegs.Iwrappedthemaroundhiswaistandforcedhimdownonme.

“Yes,oh,God,yes,thatfeelsgood,”Isaidagainsthismouth,asmybreastswerefinallysmashed

againsthischestandmycenterwasopentohimwhilehisthickerectionrubbedagainstit.

Masetorehismouthfrommineandburieditinmyneck.Hewasbreathinghard.AndIrealizedhis

handswereintightfistsbymyhead.

“Mase?”Iasked,runningmyfingersdownhisback,enjoyingthefeelofthemusclesflexedundermy

touch.

“Iwant...Ican’t...God,baby,”hegroaned,andhisfistsclenchedasifhewasfightingsomething

hard.

Ifelttheswellofhiserectionjerkagainstme,andIknewthen.Hewantedinsideme.I’dbeenso

wrappedupinfeelinghimclosethatIhadn’toncegottenfrightened.

Thepainfrommypast.ThepainthatIoncemarkedanycontactwith,sexualorotherwise,wasno

longerinmylife.Thismanwasmyworld.Helovedme.Hewasgentleandcarefulwithme.AndI
wantedtobeasclosetohimaspossible.Iwantedtoknowwhatitwasliketobeonewithhim.This
wasn’tdirtyorwrong.Thiswasbeautifulandpure.

Liftingmyhips,Imovedmyhanddownandangledhimuntilhistipwasrightthereatmyentrance.In

onethrust,wewouldbejoined.Thiswaswhatsexwasmadefor,amagicalconnectionbetweentwo
peoplewholovedeachothersomuchtheybecamewholeinbody,ifonlyforamoment.Justlikethe
heartsthey’dalreadyjoinedtogether.

“Makelovetome,Mase.Showmewhatloveislike.Please.”Iaddedthelastwordtoremindhimof

allthetimeshe’daskedmeifhecouldtouchmeandendeditwith“please.”Iwantedthisasmuchashe
hadwantedthosethings.

“You’remylife,”hewhisperedinmyear,ashesankinsideofme,fillingmeup.
Tearsfilledmyeyes,andIwrappedmyarmsaroundhimandheldhimclose.WithagentlenessthatI’d

onlyknownfromhim,hebegantorockintome,whilehekissedmyfaceandneckandtoldmeIwas
beautiful.Thatwewerebeautiful.

Ihadneverknownanythingcouldfeelthiscomplete.
Slidingmylegsupanddownhisbackandhisperfectlydefinedbottom,Isankintotheluxuryofbeing

lovedbyMase.

“Iloveyou,”hepantedinmyear.
“Iloveyou,too,”Isaidonasmallcry.
“Iwanttocomeinsideyou.ButIwon’tuntilyou’reready,”hesaid,ashekissedmyneck.
Iwantedhiminsideme.ButIwasn’tonanybirthcontrol.Ineededthat.Ihadneverhadaneedforit

before.

“God,Reese,you’resotight.Iswear,Idon’twanttoeverpulloutofyou,”hesaidonagrowl.
Liftingmylegsupsohisthrustwentdeeper,Ifelthimrubsomethinginsideme,andIinstantlyshotoff

intothebrightestexplosionI’deverfelt.Hisnametorefrommylips,andIlockedmylegsaroundhimand
heldonsoIdidn’tfallaway.

Hisbodyshookasheshoutedmyname.Ashejerkedaboveme,Ipeeledopenmyeyestoseehiseyes

closedtightlyandhisheadthrownback.Sweathadbrokenoutonhisforehead,andasmalldroprolled
downhisfaceandlandedonme.

Whenhefinallyopenedhiseyes,helookeddirectlyatme.“Ican’tapologizeforthat,because,God,

Reese,Iswear,angelsjustsang,andthishousejustrockedonitsfoundation.”

Smiling,Iranmyhandsthroughhisdamphairandpulledhismouthdowntomine.“Whatwouldyou

apologizefor?”Iaskedagainsthislips.

“Forcominginsideyou,”hesaidinawhisper.
Hewasstillinsideme.I’dbeensolostintheaftermathofheaventhatIhadn’trealizedit.
“Oh,”Ireplied.
“Whenyoulockedyourlegs,Itriedtoholdoffuntilyoufinished,butyou’resotight.Andyou’reso

damngorgeouswhenyougetoff.Andyousqueezedmelikeaglove,baby.IwascomingbeforeIrealized
it.”

Iwasn’truiningthismomentbecausewe’dforgottenourselves.“Mase,thatwas...thatwasmore...

morethanIeverimagined.”

Herolledoverontohisback,stillburiedinsideofme.Ilikedthathewasn’tinahurrytoleaveme.I

wantedhimascloseaspossible.Iwasnowontopofhim.“Iloveyou.You’remyworld.Butthereare
twothingsrunningareallyclosesecond,”hesaidinaserioustone.“Thoselonglegsofyoursandthat
tightlittlepussyaregoingtoownmeifyou’renotcareful,”headdedwithateasinggrin.

Laughing,Ikissedhim.Becausehewasmine.

Mase

hadwrittenmyaddresswithaSharpieoneachbox,nowstackedbyReese’sfrontdoor.Shewasbusy

cleaningthenow-emptyfridge.Jimmyhadjustleftaftertearfullyhuggingherduringtheirgood-bye.

He’ddonejustasIasked.He’dbeenthereforher.Hehadkepthersafe.AndIowedthemanone.I

wasn’tsurehowIwouldrepayhim,butIwould.Somehow.

Reesebentover,distractingmeashershortsrodeupherlegsandflashedmyfavoritefreckleatme.

“Freckle,baby.Youwanttofinishthatwithoutmymouthonyourass,thendon’tbendover,”Iwarnedher,
asIclosedthedoorandstalkedaroundtheboxestowardher.

Shestoodupandswungaroundtogrinatme.“Sorry.Ihadtocleanthebottomofthefridge.”
“Don’tapologize.I’vedecidedIwanttokissthatass.Bendbackover,”Isaid,withawickedgrin.
Reesebackedup,puttingherhandsinfrontofhertostopme.“No.Wewillnevergetoutofhereifyou

don’tstopit.We’vehadsexonthesofa,inbed,overthebar,andonthedresser.Andit’sonlybeenlike
thirty-sixhourssincewegothere.Wewillneverfinish.”

Igrabbedherhandsandtuggedhertome,carefulnottohurther.“Baby,whosepussyisthis?”Iasked,

slidingmyhanddownthefrontofhershorts.

“Yours,”shesaidonasigh.
Mypossessivemonsterroaredtolife.“That’sright.AndIwanttoplaywithmypussy.Andhearmy

girlscreammyname.”

Reese’seyesglazedover,andherbreathinghitched.IknewIhadher.Shewassoeasytoconvince.

Thefirstfewtimes,Ihadbeencarefulandtakenourtime.MadesureshewaswithmeandthatsheknewI
worshippedherandwouldneverhurther.

Shedidn’tneedthatanymore.AllIhadtodowastalkdirty,andshewasmeltingupagainstme,ready

formetodowhateverIwanted.Again,thiswomanmademefeellikethekingoftheworld.

Aknockonthedoorstoppedmefrompullinghershirtupandsuckingonhertits.Ifoughtback,

mutteringacurse,becauseitwasprobablysomeoneelsecometotellhergood-bye.Reeseneededto
knowshewouldbemissed.ThatmorepeopleherecaredaboutherthanjustJimmy.Andforthatreason
alone,Ikeptfromcomplaining.

“I’llgetit.MissPopularhasmoreguests,”Iteasedher.
Hermusicallaughfollowedme.
Ijerkedopenthedoor,expectingtoseesomeoneIknew,butinstead,Iwasgreetedbyatall,

distinguished-lookingmandressedinwhatIknewwasanArmanicustomsuitbecauseIhadonefor
specialevents.HisblackhairandoliveskinmademethinkhewasItalian.Therewassomethingaboutthe
wayhiseyeswereshaped.Theywerebrownbutfamiliar.

“DoesaReeseEllisresidehere?”heasked,hisaccentnotasthickasIwasexpecting.Hekindof

remindedmeoftheHollywoodversionofaMafialord.

“Shedid,”Ireplied,notlikingthatthismanknewReese’snameandwaslookingforher.
“I’mReeseEllis,”shesaid,comingupbehindme.
Shit.Ididn’twanthercomingtothedoor.Somethingaboutthismanconcernedme.
“CanIhelpyou?”sheasked,studyingthemancuriously.
“Baby,Igotthis,”Iwhispered,movingherbackbehindmewithonearmandmakingsuremybody

coveredher.

Thecorneroftheman’smouthliftedasifhewasamused.“I’mgladtoseeReesehassomeoneto

protecther.However,I’vewaitedtwenty-threeyearstomeether.”Heheldouthishandtome.“I’m
BenedettoDeCarlo,Reese’sfather.”

Acknowledgments

irstofall,IwanttothanktheAtriateam.ThebrilliantJhanteighKupihea.Icouldn’taskforabetter

editor.Sheisalwayspositiveandworkingtomakemybooksthebesttheycanbe.Thankyou,Jhanteigh,
forbeingawesome.ArieleFredmanforbeingnotonlybrilliantwithyourideasbutlisteningtomine.
JudithCurrforgivingmeandmybooksachance.AndeveryoneelseatAtriawhohadahandingetting
thisbooktoproduction.Iloveyouall.

Myagent,JaneDystel.Sheisalwaystheretohelpinanysituation.I’mthankfulthatIhaveheronmy

sideinthisnewandever-changingworldofpublishing.LaurenAbramo,whohandlesmyforeignrights.I
couldn’tbegintothinkofconqueringthatworldwithouther.

Thefriendswholistentomeandunderstandmethewaynooneelseinmylifecan:ColleenHoover

andJamieMcGuire.Youtwohavebeenwithmefromthebeginning.KnowingIcancallyoubothatany
timewhenIneedadviceorjustanearispriceless.

Mybetareaders,NatashaTomicandAutumnHull.Youbotharebrilliantandknowexactlywhereto

pointoutwhatismissing.Thankyousomuchforkeepingupwithmyhecticschedule.Betareadingfor
someonewhoisalwayswritingabookisn’taneasyjob.

Abbi’sArmy,whichisledbyDanielleLagasseandNatashaTomic.Thesetwoladiesleadagroupof

readerswhosupporteverythingIdo.Theymakeeachreleasedayasuccess,andwhenIneedapick-me-
up,Icanalwaysgototheirgroupandfindreasonstosmile.TheyremindmedailywhyIwritebooks.I
lovealltheirfaces.

Lastbutcertainlynotleast:
Myfamily.WithouttheirsupportIwouldn’tbehere.Myhusband,Keith,makessureIhavemycoffee

andthatthekidsarealltakencareofwhenIneedtolockmyselfawayandmeetadeadline.Mythreekids
aresounderstanding,althoughonceIwalkoutofthatwritingcavetheyexpectmyfullattention,andthey
getit.Myparents,whohavesupportedmeallalong.EvenwhenIdecidedtowritesteamierstuff.My
friends,whodon’thatemebecauseIcan’tspendtimewiththemforweeksatatimebecausemywriting
istakingover.Theyaremyultimatesupportgroup,andIlovethemdearly.

Myreaders.Ineverexpectedtohavesomanyofyou.Thankyouforreadingmybooks.Forlovingthem

andtellingothersaboutthem.WithoutyouIwouldn’tbehere.It’sthatsimple.

Document Outline

Half-title page
Also by Abbi Glines
Title page
Copyright page
Dedication page
Contents
Prologue
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Reese
Mase
Acknowledgments

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