CROWNOFLIES

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CrownofLiesBlurb

“ImetthemanIwanted.Butthenhevanished,andanewmanclaimedmeinstead.Myfather

approved,mycolleaguescongratulated,andbehindcloseddoors,Iwasbeddedbyastranger.”

NoelleCharlstonlivesafairy-talelife:adotingfather,apowerfuljob,andafutureblessedwithfinancial

security.

However,twomeetingswithtwomenchangesherhappyexistenceforever.First,shemeetsthemanwho

makesherheartsing.Threeyearslater,shemeetsthemanwhomakesherbloodquiver.

Broken-heartedfromateenageromance,Noelle’sfreedomisnolongerhers.Itbelongstothestrangerher

fatherbelievesisherperfectmatch.Thestrangerwhopullshisliesovereveryonehetouches.

Includingher.

Seducedandmanipulated,NoellegivesintothemysteriousPennEverett.Thelieshespins,thetruthhe

hides,themysteryheweaves—it’sallenoughtoslowlyerodethewomansheisandturnherinto

somethingelse.

Untilherpastcollideswithherpresent.

Andit’sherturntolie.

Toeveryone...includingherself.

Dedication

Thisbookisdedicatedtoallthoseeagle-eyereaderswhowillmostlikelynoticeI’manEnglish-born

writerwhouseswordswithpeskyS’s(tantalise),doubleL’s(travelled),andtheoccasionalextraU

(favourite).I’vedonemybest(andenlistedhelp)tocatchtheEnglishinthisAmericanbook,buttoany

NewYorkerswhospyafew...allIcansayis,Itried.Inowhavealove-haterelationshipwithZ’s,

learnedabootisatrunkandaloungeisalivingroom,andjusthowmagicalonelanguagecanbewith

twocorrectwaysofwriting.

Happyreading!

Prologue

INEVERYGIRL’Slife,thereisbetrayal.

Betrayalfromlovedones,unknownones,andfromtheoneswechoosetomakeourown.However,

wherethere’sdeceit,there’strust,too.Andsometimes,thosetwothingscamouflagethemselvesto
mimictheother.

Thatwaswhathedid.
Themanwhofirststolemybodyandthenstolemyheartwastheultimatemagicianwithlies.
Ithinkapartofmealwaysknewwhathekepthidden.IalwayssuspectedandmaybethatwaswhyI

fellforhimdespitehisdeceit.

Butthenhisfibsfellapart.
AnditwasuptometodecideifIwantedtogivehim
trust
or
betrayal.

ChapterOne

“YOUCAN’TBRINGyourdaughtertoworkonaweekend,Joe.”

“Sayswho?”
Stevecrossedhisarms,doinghisbesttocomeacrossasstrictbutfailing.“Saysyou.”
Ihuggedmyfrillydress-coveredchest,myheadbouncinglikeavolley-ballbetweenDadandtheman

whohelpedrunhiscompany.Mybacktensed,waitingfortheirvoicestoclimbandangertoemerge,but
theirelderlyfacesremainedhappy.

EversinceMomdiedfouryearsago,I’dbecomesusceptibletooutburstsofemotion.Ihatedwhen

Dadraisedhisvoiceorsomeonehadafightinpublic.

Dadloopedhisarmaroundmytinyshoulders,huggingmybodytohis.“WhendidIsayIcouldn’t

bringmydarlingdaughtertoworkonaSaturday,Steve?”

Stevewinkedatme,hisdarkblondhairtrimwithhismustachebushy.“Whenyouwrotetherulebook

foryourcompany,Joe.Therewasfineprint.”

Iknewtheywerejoking—playingagameIcouldn’tfigureout.I’dbeentotheofficeeverydayofthe

week,includingSaturdaysandSundays.Butbecausetheyexpectedmetobuyintotheirlittledrama,Idid.

IallowedmyselftoactyoungerthanIfelt,eventhoughIwasstillachildandshouldn’tgraspageand

maturityjustyet.

Mom’sdeathandmyinductionintotheworkforcefromatenderagehadgivenmetwoidealsto

follow:adulthoodandadolescence.Alotofthetime,Iwastreatedandrespondedlikeanadult,buttoday,
Ididn’tmindactingyoungerbecauseIwantedtobeyoungerforachange.

IwantedtobeallowedtocrybecausetodayhadbecomeamassivedisappointmentandifIwasakid,

Icouldletmyhurtshow.IfIwasanadult,IhadtosuckitupandpretendIwasfinewithit.

Mysadnessoriginatedfromsomethingsostupid.Ishouldn’tcare—especiallyseeingasIknewbetter.

ButDadhadletmedownonasillybirthdaytradition,andIdidn’tknowhowtotellhimIwassad
withoutcomingacrossasapoutingkidwhodidn’tvalueeverythingshealreadyhad.

“Rulebook?”Ipipedup,glancingatDad.“Youwrotearulebooklikeschoolhas?Isitasstuffyand

strictonsillythingslikesocklengthanduniform?”IwrinkledmynoseatSteve’scrumpledshirtand
creasedtrousers.“Ifyoudid,howcomeyou’renotdressedthesame?”

Dadworepressedslacks,grayvest,andablazerwithnavypipingonthesleeves.Everycuffand

pleatweremilitaryinperfection.

Helookednothingliketheothersuitedmeninhishigh-risebuilding,especiallySteveinhisshirt-

wrinkledglory.

Butthatwasn’tnew.
DadhadbeenimmaculateeverydayofhislifesinceIcouldremember.Eveninthephotosofhim

holdingmeasanew-bornatthehospital,he’dbeeninathree-piecesuitwithachrysanthemum(Mom’s
favoriteflower)inthelapel.

Stevechuckled.“Yourschoolhasauniform,Elle?”
Heknewthis.He’dseenmehereafterschoolinmydespisedsplendor.
Inodded.“Ihateit.It’sscratchyandgross.”
“Butyoulooksoadorableinit,BellButton.”Dadhuggedmecloser.Secretly,Ilovedhiscuddles

(especiallybecauseweonlyhadeachothernow)butoutwardly,Ihadatwelve-year-oldreputationto

maintain.

Stillplayingtheirgame,Ising-songed,“Daa-ad.Yousaidyouwouldn’tusethatname.”
Hecringeddramatically.“Whoops.Iforgot.”Hetappedhistemple.“I’manoldman,Elle.Ican’t

remembereverything.”

Inudgedhimwithmyshoulder.“Justlikeyouforgotyouwrotearulebooksayingnodaughters

allowedonweekends.”

“Exactly.”Hebeamed.
“Andhowyouforgotmybirthday?”
Whoops.
Ididn’tmeantosaythat,butI’dbottleditupallmorning.Ididmybesttojoke,butmyhurtrefusedto

hide.He’dneverforgottenbefore.He’dalwayswokenmeupwithasillygiftandthendonewhateverI
wantedfortheafternoon.

Notthecasetoday.
I’dturnedtwelve,andthere’dbeennocakeorcandles—notevenabirthdayhug.
Instead,he’dcookedmetoast,toldmetodresssmart,thendraggedmetoworkwithhim.Hetookme

totheofficeoften,butI’dhopedtodaywould’vebeenatriptoCentralParktogether,orattheveryleast,
lunchatmyfavoriteThairestaurant.

Isfunnolongerallowed?
NowIwasolder,didIhavetoearnanincomelikehe’dkepttellingme?Thatitwastimetoputthe

meagerfewyearsatschoolintopractice?

Ithoughthewasjoking.
Thenagain,hewasjokingwiththiswholerole-play.Myheartskipped,doingitsbesttounderstand

whatwasgoingon.

Stevegasped.“Youforgotyourowndaughter’sbirthday?”Hetutted,shakinghishead.“Shameon

you,Joe.”

“Watchit.Icanstillfireyou.”Dad’sfacecontortedashestrugglednottosmile.Hegaveup,allowing

abroadgrintospread.“That’sthereasonwhyIbroketherulesandbroughtmydaughtertoworkon
Saturday.”

Ifroze,unabletostopthehappinessfizzingintobeing.
Wait...doesthatmeanhedidn’tforget?
“What...tomakeherslaveaway?”Steve’seyesrounded.“Could’vewaiteduntilshewasthirteen,at

least.”Hewinkedatme.“Letherseetheworldbeforeshacklinghertothisplace.”

“She’llhaveplentyoftimeforthat.”Hehuggedmeclose,marchingforward,pullingmewithhim.

“Comealong,BellButton.”

Irolledmyeyes.“AgainwiththeBellButton.”
“Dealwithit.”Hechuckled,hisgrayinghaircatchingtheneonlightsaswestrolleddownthewide

hallway.TheviewofdowntownManhattansparkledinthewindows.Sittingregalontheforty-seventh
floor,theofficesoftheCEOandtopmanagersofBelleElleneverfailedtoimpressandterrifyme.

Dadownedthisbuildingalongwithafewothers.Hewasloaded,accordingtothegirls’gossipat

school.However,onlyIknewhowmuchtimeandenergyheputintohiscompanyandwasveryproudof
him.ButalsoscaredwhathewouldexpectfrommenowIwasolder.

Foryears,thingshadbeenchanging.MychildhoodhadendedtwomonthsafterMomdied,revealing

howdifferentbothourliveswouldbefromthenon.Nomorefairy-talestoriesorbedtimereadalongs.

NomoreAladdinorBeautyandtheBeast.
Nomoremake-believe.
Instead,Dadreadmeledgersandshowedmecatalogsofnewseasonapparelforthecompany.He

gavemehomeworkonhowtonavigateourwebsiteandtaughtmehowtodecideifbuyingadressattwo

dollarswasgoodsenseifwesolditfornineteen.Toworkoutrent,taxes,employeesalaries,andother
overheadstoseeifthatdresswouldmakeanyprofit(turnedoutitwasonlytwentycentsafterexpenses
andtoolowtomakeasustainableprofit).

I’dlivedandbreathedthisplacesinceIwassoyoung.Andnow,itseemeditevencontrolledmy

birthday.

Dadstoppedathisofficeandheldtheentrywideformetoscootthrough.Icontinuedtohisdesk

whileheclosedthedoor.Ilovedhisdesk.Itremindedmeofanancienttreethat’dbeenoutsideour
brownstoneforyearsuntilitwascutdown.

Throwingmyselfintohiscomfyleatherchair,Ispunaround,kickinghisdrawerstoincreasemy

inertiaonthesecondspin.

“Elle.”DadblurredasIspunagain.Hewasn’tmad.Hisfacesplitintoasmileashechuckled.

“You’llmakeyourselfsick.”

Iplantedmyhandsonhisdesk,comingtoanabruptstop.“No,Iwon’t.Thoseballetlessonshelped

withmybalance,remember?”

Henodded.“Ido.YouwerealovelyswanintheSwanPrincess.”
Ismiled,forgivinghimforforgettingmybirthdaybecausereally,spendingtimewithhimwasallI

needed.Hereorthere,itdidn’tmatteraslongasheandIwereawe.“Youneedmetotrysomeofthe
kid’sclothestoday?”Ireclinedinhischair.“Helpdesignthewindowdisplayfromagirl’spointof
view?”I’dlearnedhowtodoallthat,andIwasgood.

Thecompany—BelleElle—hadbeeninmyfather’slineageforlongerthanIcouldcomprehend.One

ofmygreat,great,toomanygreatgrandfathershadcalledhislittleshopBelleElleafterhiswife,
ElizabethEleanor,whosenicknamewasBelleElle.Iknewthatbecausemultiplecasestudiesonmy
ancestryandnewspaperarticlesexisted.Itwasyetanotherelementofmyhomework:tolearnasmuch
aboutourlegacyasIcouldbecauseinthisworld—wheretheUSdidn’thavearoyalfamily—wewere
classifiedinsomecirclesasbluebloods.

Longstandingcitizensofanempirethat’dbeenheresincecolonization.Slowlygrowingbiggerand

deliveringmoreproductsfrombasiccoatsandhatsformenandparasolsandshawlsforwomen,tofull
wardrobes,housewares,entertainment,andjewelryforanyage.

BelleEllewasthelargestretailchainintheUSandCanada,andsomeday,itwouldbemine.
Toatwelve-year-oldgirlwhohadfunplayingdress-upwithchild-sizemannequinsoncethe

customershadbeenkickedout,helpedstaffarrangenewwindowdisplays,andcouldtakecostume
jewelryhomeoccasionallybecauseherdadcouldwriteoffanecklaceortwo,Iwasexcitedatthethought
ofthisbeingmine.Buttothewomanslowlyevolving—theonegroomedonanhourlybasisforsucha
future—wasafraid.

WouldIhavewhatittooktocontrolsuchaplace?
WasitwhatIwantedtodowithmylife?
“Ididn’tforgetyourbirthday.”Dadlinkedhishandsinfrontofhisvest.“Butyoualreadyknewthat

becauseyou’remydaughterandthebrightestgirlintheworld.”

Ismiled,droppingmyheadinembarrassment.Hispraiseneverfailedtowarmandcomfortme.I

wouldn’ttellhimI’dworriedtobeginwith.

Itrulythoughtyouforgot.
Hecontinued,“Todayisaveryspecialdayandnotjustbecauseyouwereborn.”Hepluckedapiece

oflintoffhisblazer,lookingeveryinchapowerfulCEOratherthanthelovingfatherIknew.

Nomatterwhereweweregoing,healwaysworeasuit.Hemademeadheretothesamestrict

wardrobeofpressedblouses,dresses,andsmarttrousers.Ididn’t,norhadIever,ownedapairofjeans.

Perhapstodaythatwouldbemypresent.
Isatquietly,politely,waitingforhimtocontinue.

“Ibroughtyoutoworktogiveyoutwopresents.”
Phew,hetrulydidn’tforget.
Itriedtohidemyeagerness.Iknewhowtocamouflagemytruefeelings.Imightbeachild,butIwas

bornanheiressandhadbeentaughttoactunaffectedineverysituation—goodorbad.

“Looktoyourright.”
Iobeyed,reachingouttotouchtheblackbinderthatalwaysrestedthere.Dadwouldbringithome

withimportantdocumentsinsidethentakeitbacktotheofficewithyetmorevitalpaperwork.Iwasnever
allowedtotouchitunlesshewasaround—andonlythentobringittohim.

Ihesitatedasmyfingersghostedoverthesoftleather.
Hesmiled.“Goon,youcanopenit.”
Ipulledittowardmeandcrackeditwide.There,likealltheothertimes,werewhite,crisppages

scarredwithmultipleblacklinesofadultjargon.

“Whatdoesitsayatthetop?”Hepoppedhismiddleblazerbuttonandperchedonthesideofthe

desk.Hislongframetoweredovermebutnotinabadway;morelikeawillowtreewhereIlikedtocurl
upandnapinCentralParkontheraredaysDaddidnothing.

“LastWillandTestamentofJosephMarkCharlston.”Myeyesracedtohis.“Dad...you’renot—”
Hereachedoutandpattedmyhand.“No,BellButton.Notyet.Butonecanneverbetoocareful.Up

untillastweek,myWillandTestamentlefttherunningofourfamily’scompanytoSteveuntilyoucameof
age.However,IneverfeltcomfortablebequeathingsuchresponsibilitytosomeoneoutsidetheCharlston
family.”

Ignawedonmylip.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Hepulledapenfromthesmallgoldholderonhisdesk.“ItmeansI’vehaditrevised.Ihavenoplans

toleavethisworldearly,sodon’tworryaboutthat.Andyou,mydear,arebeyondintelligentforyourage,
soIknowyou’lltakeallofthisinyourstride.Youreducationaboutourprocesses,factories,and
employeestructurewillbeaccelerated,andwhenyou’reready,you’llbecomeCEO,andI’llstepdown.”

Mymouthfellopen.Thatsoundedhard.WhenwouldIhavetimetogotoschoolandmakefriends

otherthanthestaffinthemakeupdepartmentwhereIhungoutwhenheworkedlate?

ButhowcouldIsayno?Iwasallhehad.HewasallIhad.Wehadtosticktogether.
Myheartlurched,needingconfirmationhewasn’tgoingtoleaveme,despitehisassurances.“You’re

notdying,though?”

Heshookhishead.“Never,ifIhadmyway.Thisisn’tmeanttoscareyou,Elle,buttoshowyouhow

proudIamofyou.Iwon’tdenythatitwillbesorewardingtohandoverthislegacysoonerratherthan
later,knowingwithallmyheartyouwilltakeittoevengreaterheightsthanIevercould.”Hepassedme
thepen.“Initialeachpageandsign.”

I’dsignedenoughcontractsevenatmyyoungagetoknowhowtodoit.Stocksthathe’dputinmy

name;ahousehe’dpurchasedinsomestateI’dneverheardof—evenalimitededitionpaintingthatcame
fromanauctionhouseinEngland.

Bendingoverthepaperwork,Icurledmyfingerstightaroundthepen,ignoringthesuddenshakes.

Thiswasnodifferentfromallthoseotherdocuments,yetitwassomuchmore.Thiswasmylife.This
wasmorethangrowingupandcelebratingabirthday.Thiswaseveryday,everymoment,everyfinalsay
thatwouldmanipulatemeuntilIwasDad’sage.Ididn’thavetheluxuryoffiguringoutifIwantedtobea
doctororanastronomer.I’dnevergototheOlympicsasaswimmer(eventhoughmyinstructorsaidIwas
morerockthandolphin).I’dneverbeanythingmorethanNoelleCharlston,heiressofBelleElle.

MyheartbeatwithastrangesqueezeasIplacedthepenonthepaper.
“Oh,waitasec.”Dadpressedtheintercomtoconnecthimtohisreceptionist.“Margaret,canyou

comein,please?”

Immediately,apretty,middle-agedredheadenteredandcameforward.Weekendswerenodifferent

fromweekdaysinthiscompany.“Yes,Mr.Charlston?”

“Ineedyoutoactasawitness.”
“Sure.”Shesmiledatmebutdidn’tsayanythingasIflippedthroughtheseventeenpagesandinitialed

each,thentookadeepbreathandsignedmyname.ThemomentI’dfinished,Dadgrinnedandspunthe
deedtoMargaret.“Yourturn.Signinthewitnessbox,please.”

Ipassedherthepen.
Shetookit.“Thankyou,Elle.”
Mynickname(notBellButton—whichremainedamysteryonhowitcameabout.Dadsaiditwas

somethingtodowithhowmuchIlovedbuttonswhenIwaslittle,andbellrhymedwithElle)reminded
mehowI’dbeennamedinaroundaboutwayforthefirstwifeofourcompany.Thewomanwho’dcreated
anempirebesideherhusbanduntilhe’ddiedofpneumonia,andsheruledonherownforfortymore
years.ElizabethEleanor—theoriginalBelleElle.

Scrawlinghersignature,Margaretpassedthecontractbacktomyfather.
Hesignedinthelastboxwithutmostconcentrationandanairofrelief.
“Isthatall,Mr.Charlston?”Margaretasked.
“Yes,thankyou.”Dadnodded.
Shegavemeasmallwave,beforeretreatingtoheradjoiningoffice,leavingDadandmealoneonce

again.

Helookedupfromsigning,hisoldereyesmeetingmine.Hisfacefell.“Whatisit?What’swrong?”
Ishrugged,doingmybesttoseemcarefreeandnotthinkabouthowbigofathroneIhadtofill.

“Nothing’swrong.”

Hefrowned.“Youlook...afraid.”
Iam.
I’mafraidofaworldwhereyou’regone,andI’mincharge.
I’mafraidofnotbeingthedaughteryouthinkIam.
Buthecouldneverknowthat.Thiswasmyduty.Mybirthright.Nomattermyageorexperience,I

knewenoughtoknowmyexistencewasalwaysdestinedforBelleElle.

Ismiled.“I’mnot.Thisisjustmyface.”
Hechuckled.“Allright,‘justyourface.’Seeingasgivingyouourlegacyforyourbirthday—ensuring

you’llforeverhavewealthandstability—isn’tapresenttogetexcitedabout,lookundermydesk.”

Happybutterfliesreplacedthefearfulmothsinmybelly.“Youmean...there’smore?”
Hiseyestwinkledwithfatherlylove.“Ofcourse,there’smore.Nowlook.”
Iscootedthechairbackandglancedbetweenmydanglinglegs.Tuckedagainstthebackwasabox

tiedwithabigpurpleandsilverribbon.

Thefearofresponsibilityandtheweirdobligationofhavingmylifealreadymappedoutforme

vanished.Ibouncedinthechair.“Yougotmeapresent!”

Hebentoverandkissedthetopofmyhead.“You’remyentireworld,Elle.I’dneverforgettheday

youcameintomylife.AndIwouldneverdreamofmakingyousignstuffydocumentswithoutgivingyou
somethingfunforyourbirthday.”

“Thankyousomuch!”Ibeamed,impatiencetoopenmypresentstampedingthroughme.
“Youdon’tknowwhatitisyet.”
“Idon’tcare.Iloveitalready.”Myeyeslatchedontothebox,desperatetoseewhatitwas.
Hetookpityonme.“Goon,openit.”
Ididn’tneedasecondinvitation.
Ploppingoffthechair,Icrawledonallfoursbeneathhishugedeskandtoreeagerlyattheribbon.It

fellaway,poolingonthecarpet.Crackingthelid,Ipeeredinside.

Thegloombeneaththedeskmadeithardtosee,butthenatinygrayfaceappeared.
“Oh!”Fullbodyshakesquakedthroughmeasexcitementandadorationexploded.“Oh!Oh!”I

reachedintotheboxandpulledoutthecutestballoffluffI’deverseen.Fallingontomybutt,Icuddledthe
kittenclose.“Yougotmeacat?”

Dadappeared,pushinghischairawayandduckingtomylevel.“Idid.”
“ButyousaidIcouldn’thaveanypets.Thatweweretoobusy.”
“Well,Ichangedmymind.”Heturnedserious.“IknowtheresponsibilityI’mputtingonyou,Elle.I

knowallofthisishardtofigureoutwhenyou’rebarelystartinglife.AndI’msorryyoudon’thavethe
freedomsomeofyourfriendsdo.I’vebeenstrictwithyou,butyou’resuchagoodgirl.IthoughtI’dbetter
giveyousomethingyouactuallywantedforachange.”

Icuddledthekittenharder.Itdidn’tsquirmawayortrytoswatmelikethecatinthepetstoredid

whenIsnuckinonmyownonedaywhileDadwasdistracted.Thisonepurredandnudgeditshead
beneathmychin.

Tearssprungtomyeyes.Lovebillowedandoverflowed.Somehow,Ilovedthislittlebundleasmuch

asIlovedmydad,andwe’donlyjustmet.

Gratefulnessquicklyovershadowedthelove,andIplacedthekittenonitsfeet,crawledasfastasI

couldtowardDad,andbarreledintohisarms.

“Thankyou.”Ikissedhisroughcheek.“Thankyou!”
Helaughed.Wrappingmeinatightembrace,hesmelledsocomfortinglyoflavendersoap.Thesame

soapMomusedtomakeandstankupthehousewithwhilecookinganewbatch.

“Thankyousomuch.Ilovehim.”
Thekittenpaddedtowardusandmountainclimbedontoourjointlap.
Dadshookhishead.“It’sagirl.She’stwelveweeksoldjustlikeyou’retwelveyearsold.”He

unwoundhisarmsasIpluckedthelittlekittenandburiedmyfaceinhersweetsmellinggrayfur.

“Whatareyougoingtocallher?”
Ifrowned,takingthequestionseriously.“Silver?”
“Silver?”
Ikissedherhead.“Herfurlookslikesilver.”
Dadchuckled.“Well,it’saperfectname.”
“No,wait.Sage.”
“Sage?”
“IwanttocallherSage.”
Hedidn’tneedtoknowIrememberedmostoftheherbsandaromatherapyoilsMomusedtomake

lotionsandsoaps.Sagewasthelastherbshe’dgivenmealessonon,andtheleaveshadasilverfuzz
overthem.WheneverIthoughtofthatday,MomfeltcloserandnotsofarawayinHeaven.

Inoddedfirmlywithmydecision.“Yes,hernameisSage.”
Hegatheredmecloseagain,kissingthetopofmyhead.“Whateveryoudecide,Ihopeshelooksafter

you,likeyou’lllookafterher.”

Irubbedmynoseagainstthekitten’scold,wetone,shiveringagainsttheweirdsensation.“Shewill.

She’sgoingtocometoworkwithmeeveryday.”Ihunched,cradlingmynewbest-friend.“Isthatokay?
Canshecometoworkwithme?”

Dad’sfacefellagain.Whathesaidwastrue.Hewasstrictwithme,buthewasstrictwithhimself,

too.HemissedMomjustasmuchasIdid.DidhethinkIwouldn’tlovehimasmuchnowIhadapet?

Ireachedupandtouchedhissandpapercheek.“Iloveyou.”
Lightreturnedtohisgrayeyes.Hehuggedmetightonhislap,ourlittletriosquishingintooneentity

forasecond.“Iloveyou,too,Elle.Andyoudon’thavetoaskifyoucanbringSagetowork.She’syours.
Aslongasshe’snotontheshopfloor,youcantakehertotheofficesanddowhateveryouwant.”

IsighedinhappinessasSagenavigatedthecliff-topcreatedbyourlegs.“You’rethebestdadever.”
Hissmilefaded,thejoyofthemomentlostasheshookhishead.“I’mnot,Elle.IknowIcannever

replaceyourmotherandIknowI’maskingsomuchofyoutopickupthemantleofthiscompanysoyoung,
butIloveyoumorethananything,andI’msogratefultohaveyouinmylife.”

Hiswordswereheavyforatwelve-year-old.Andtheyremainedheavyevenyearslater.
Thatbirthdaywasingrainedintomymemoriesfortwobigreasons.
One,IwouldneverbelonelyagainthankstoSagebeinginmyworld.
Andtwo,Dadknewwhathewassentencingmetoanddiditanyway.
IthoughtBelleEllealreadyownedme.
Iwaswrong.

ChapterTwo

SEVENYEARSLATER

WHOKNEWTURNINGnineteenwouldbesuchasadday?

IsniffedbackastupidtearasIinputtedend-of-the-monthfinancialfiguresintothespread-sheetto

preparefortheM.M.M.—alsoknownastheMondayMorningMeeting.

I’dbeenattheofficesinceseventhirty—justasIhadeverymorningsinceIlefthighschoolatsixteen.

I’dleftbecauseI’dlearnedallthegenericlifehackstheteachershadintheirarsenalsanddidn’thavethe
time,ortheneed,togotouniversitybeforemybirthrightgobbledmeupentirely.

BelleEllewasmyuniversity,andI’dbeenattendingnightsandonweekendsmyentirelife.Asfaras

myknowledgeandskillswent,IwascapableofrunningthiscompanyevenbeforeIhittwenty.

Myfatherhadmadesureofit.
Iwasnolongeralonelylittlegirlcravingthefreedomofherpeers.Butaresignedyoungwomanwho

carriedthelivelihoodsofthousandsofstaffuponhershoulders.ItwasuptometoensureBelleElleran
smoothlyandmadeaprofittofillthepaypacketsandmakesureemploymentcontinued.

Myhardworkandlonghourswererewardedwithpositiveyieldsandexcitingbusinessexpansions.I

earnedsatisfactionfromnewcontractsandcheaperproductioncosts.I’dneverbeentoapartyoracted
outbecauseworkbegantooearlytostayuplate.

Ilivedandbreathedmerchandiseandbalancesheets.
AndI’mfinewiththat.
Iknewnootherlife.Ihadnorighttofeelsotrapped.Ihadanamazingfather,anincrediblefuture,and

everythingIcouldeverwant.I’dbeengivensomuch,butthepriceofsuchpowerandgreatnesswasthe
removalofsomanythingsI’dneverenjoyed.

I’dneverhadfriendsbecausewhowantedtohangaroundageekwhodidn’tknowhowtoplay?I’d

neverwalkedaroundthecityonmyownbecausetheworldwasfartoodangerous.I’dnevergotteninto
troubleordoneanythingreckless.Mydaysweresurroundedbybodyguards,drivers,andmanagers.

ThegirlsIknewfromschoolonlypretendedtolikemewhenIgavethemdiscountsondressesand

shoes.Infact,theweekbeforejuniorprom,I’dsuddenlybecomethemostpopulargirlinschool,onlyto
hearthemwhisperinginthechangingroomsatBelleElleabouthowmuchtheyweresavingthanksto
lyingtomyfaceaboutfriendshipandthediscountI’dgiventhem.

AndtheboyswereafraidofmebecauseIspokelikeanadultandcrunchedreal-timespread-sheetsin

mathratherthansolvedthebasicalgebraequationonthewhiteboard.

Iwasneveralonebutforeverlonely.
Ifitweren’tforSage,I’dprobablyhaverunawaybynow.ButIcouldn’tleaveher,andIdefinitely

couldn’tleavemyfather.

Theyneededme.
Everyoneneededme.
Thinkingofthelittlefluffballmadeherappear.Thesleek,prettycathoppedupontomydesk,

deliberatelyknockingovertheoldTic-Tacholderfullofpaperclips.Sheswatteditagainforgood
measure.

Instantly,thestressofthedayandacheinmybackfromhunchingoveradeskfortoolongreceded.

“Hellotoyou,too.”

Shemeowed,hercutegrayfacescrunchingupasifshedisapprovedofmeworkingpastdarkonce

again.

EversinceDadgavehertome,she’dneverleftmyside.Theonlytimeshewasn’twithmewaswhile

Iwasatschool,butseeingasthatwasoverafewyearsago,shewasnowmysilentsilvershadow.She
traveledonmynecklikealivingscarfandtrottedaftermewhenIhostedmeetingswithmenthreetimes
myage—whotriedtotripmeupandbelittlemeatthestartofmyreign.TheysoonlearnedImightbe
young,butIknewthiscompanybetterthananyofthem.

BelleEllewasmymother,mybest-friend,andboyfriend.
Itwasmyworld.
TakingofftheblackframedreadingglassesI’dtakentowearingafterstaringatalaptopforhoursata

time,IscoopedSageupbyhermiddleanddraggedherontomylap.

Shepurredloudlyasshehead-buttedmychest.Ikissedthebackofherneck,nuzzlingintoher.Herfur

wasassoftasspunmoonlight;herpurrtheonlythingthatmademeshedtheconstantfeelingofanxiety
anddespondency.

“YouknowhowIfeel,right?”
Shepurredlouder.
“AmIahorriblepersonforfeelingtrapped?”
Shepulledaface.
“Idoeverythingthat’saskedofme.Itakeovermoreandmoreelementsofthecompanywithno

refusal.Ilovemyfatherwitheveryboneinmybody.I’vededicatedmylifetomakinghimproud.Ihave
self-worth,wealth,andtheknowledgethatI’llneverhavetoaskforanything.”Ipressedmyfacedeeper
intoherfur,doingmybesttostemtheunwantedself-pity.“SowhydoIfeelsolost,Sage?Whycan’tI
shedtheideasomuchmoreisouttherebesideswork?”

Shemeowed,jumpingfrommyarmstomydeskandwalkingacrossmykeyboardtoscatterqwerty

keystrokesinboxeswhereonlynumbersbelonged.Itriedtogetmad,toyellatherbecauseshe’djust
causedanothertenminutes’worthofworktodeletehertamperingandensurethenumbersI’dinputted
werestillcorrect.

ButIcouldn’t.
Becauseworkwasmylife,andlifewasmywork.Ihadnowheretobe,noonetosee—nothing

demandedanythingofmebutBelleElle.

“Maybethat’smyproblem?”
Sageflickedhertail.
“MaybeIneedtoforgetaboutworkforachangeanddosomethingcompletelydifferent.”Standing,I

movedtowardthefloor-to-ceilingglasswindowsandlookeduponNewYorkbelow.Twinklinglights,
cars,andpedestriansappearedanddisappearedbeneathstreetlightslikedifferentbugs—somelarge,
somesmall—butallofthemmovingwithpurpose.

Whatwoulditbeliketobedowntherewiththem?Towearjeans(gasp)andeatfoodfromastreet

vendor(oh,no)?Tobeonmyown,ratherthanwatchedbyadriverandbodyguard.

Don’tIdeservetoknowwhatelseisouttherebeforeIgiveupeverything?
Today,I’dturnednineteen.
Iwasoldenoughtohavesexbutnotoldenoughtodrink.Iwasoldenoughtorunabillion-dollar

companybutnotoldenoughtowanderaloneinacitypromisingsuchadventure.

Myfingersflewtomyneck,clutchingthebeautifulsapphirestarnecklacemyfatherhadpresentedme

withthismorning.We’dbothbeenpressedfortimebuthe’dsentthecookaway,andtogether,we’d
whiskedupbuttermilkbatterandcreatedamismatchofblueberrypancakesbeforehegavememygift.

It’dbeenawonderfulmorning,andI’dtreasuredhiscompany,thepancakes,andmynecklace,butI

couldn’thelpfeelinglikesomethingwasmissing.

Momwasmissing,ofcourse.
Butsomethingelse.
Someoneelse...afriendontwolegsinsteadoffour.
Afteranhourtogether,DadandIhadheadedtoworkandlostourselvesinthecogsofsucha

demandingmistress.

Ididn’tknowifhewasstillinhisofficeworkinglate,justlikehewouldneverknowifIsnuckout

andpretendedtobeagirlfromadifferentlifeforthenight.

Wait...what?
Theideacameoutofnowhere.Thebetrayalandwillingnesstosneakbehindmyfather’sbackwasa

horrid,terribleconcept.Yet...soenticinglyexciting.

Youcoulddoit...justforonenight.
Dowhat?
ThefivepointsofthesapphirestarbitintomyfingersasIglancedatthecongestedstreetbelow

again.

Beoneofthem.
Dowhattheydo.
Gowheretheygo.
Befree.
Myheartbashedmyribsastheideaslowlymanifestedintopotential.
TomorrowwasyetanotherdaybelongingtoBelleElle.Buttonight?Tonightwasmynineteenth

birthday,andI’dyettogivemyselfagift.

CouldIdoit?
CouldIbebraveenoughtoleavemyworldandeverythingIknewinordertosamplewhatIcould

neverhave?

CouldIseeksomethingIdidn’tknowhowtofind?
Sagewrappedherselfaroundmyankle,headbuttingmewithapproval.Oratleast,I’dtakeitas

approvalbecausesuddenly,Icouldn’timaginenotdoingit.

TheprisongatesI’dlivedbehindallmylifecreakedwithrustandwhinedwithdisapproval,slowly

hingingwide.Ihadafewshorthoursbeforetheclockstrucktwelveandtheenchantmentofmybirthday
wouldvanish.

It’snowornever.
Tonight,Iwouldgiveintomyurgesandtastefreedomforthefirsttime.
Andtomorrow,IwouldstopthesechildishregretsandfullyembracemycrownastheBelleElle

empress.

ChapterThree

MYFIRSTSTOPwastheshopfloorofBelleElle.

Beingourflagshiplocation,themerchandisesectiontookupmultiplelevelsoftheskyscraper.We

soldeverythingfromtop-of-the-linetechnologytobabytoysandeverythingin-between,andIknewevery
nookandcranny.I’dspentthemajorityofmylifehelpingdesigndisplaysandsolvingstockissues.

Butnottonight.
Tonight,Iwasn’tthereonbusiness.
Takingtheelevatordownfromtheoffices,Iswipedmykeycardandenteredmypasscodetoprevent

thealarmsgoingoff.Thestorehadshuttothepublicanhourago,andthehushedworldofcottonandsilk
welcomedme.

Iclippedinredhighheelspastpantsuitsandhigh-fashionattirestraighttotheteenagersdepartment.

EversinceI’dsignedDad’sLastWillandTestament—andevenbeforethat—I’ddressedlikeawoman.
I’dneverdressedinagarmentwithapopularquoteorprofanitylikethekidsatmyschool.I’dnever
wornanythingvaluedatlessthanfourhundreddollars.

Thatwasabouttochange.
Browsingtheracksofdiamanteencrustedjeansandoff-the-shouldertops,Ifoundmyselfcritiquing

thedisplayandpositionofthemannequinsratherthanshoppingforanoutfit.

Stopit.
You’reacustomerrightnow,nottheboss.
Forcingmyselftoexhaleandloosenmyshouldersfromstress,Istoppedbesideatablewith

discounteddenim.Igraspedthepairneatlyfoldedontopandshookit.Thebaby-bluewashedjeanshada
skinnylegandsilverembroideryonthepockets.

IdidmybestnottorecallthecostofbulkbuyingthesefromTaiwan.HowI’dplacedtheorderatthe

startoflastyeartobeoutforthisseason.How,evenonsale,wewerestillmakingmoneybecausethat
washowbusinessesworked.Pricehighandthenslowlydiscountuntilnomoreremainedinstock,our
marginsslowlynarrowingbutstillprofitable.

Ugh,stopit.
You’renotanheiresstonight.You’rejustElle.Anineteen-year-oldabouttobreakalltherulesand

goout.

Whatwouldmydriver,David,saywhenIdidn’tcallhiminafewhourstotakemehome?What

wouldDadsayifIhadsomuchfuntonightandIdidn’treturnhomeuntildaybreak?

Doesitmatter?
Youhavetodothisforyourself.
You’reanadult.
Clutchingthosethoughts,Istolethepairofjeans,pilferedanoff-the-shouldercreamandblacktop

fromtherackbesideit,scoopedupablacklacescarffromthenewarrivalpodium,andtradedthe
clothingdepartmentfortheshoeemporium.

IfIwasgoingtowalkaroundNewYorkuntilmidnight,Ihadtowearcomfyshoes.
Myblood-redheelswouldhavetogo.
Eyeinguparackofrecentlyorderedsneakers,Idecidedonapairofwhiteoneswithrosegoldpiping

—somethingIwouldneverbeallowedtowearasthefigureheadofabillion-dollarcompany.

I’dwornheelseverydayofmylifesinceIcouldremember.Theonlydifferencewastheywerelower

whenIwasachild,andnow,theyweresoaring,sharpstilettos.

Takingmynewwardrobeintooneofthechangingrooms,Ionceagainfoundmyselfassessingthe

locksonthedoorsandthewobbleinthemirrorfromthesecond-rateglass.Noflawsshouldexistinany
aspectofoursalesexperience.

Imadeanotetohaveallthemirrorsreplacednexttimeweoverhauledthisdepartment.
Slippingfrommypencilskirtandblackblouse,Irolleddownmystockingsandfrownedatmy

underwear-cladform.TheblackbraofferedsupporttomygenerousB-cups,butwouldthestrapslook
hookerishpeekingoutfromtheoff-the-shouldertop?

Ihadnoexperiencedressinglikethis,eventhoughI’dgonetocountlessrunwayshowsandhand

selectedthelatestfashions.

Suckitupandstopprocrastinating.
Tuggingthetightjeanson,Islippedthetopovermyheadandsecuredthelacyscarfaroundmythroat.

Imadesureithunglooselysoasnottocoverthebluestarglitteringonmyskin.

Ugh,no.
Iyankedthescarfoffagainanddrapeditoverthedoor.
Itwasn’tneeded.
Itouchedthesapphirestar.ThiswouldkillmyfatherifheknewhowunhappyIwasafterhe’dgiven

meeverything.IcouldneverexplaintheemptinessinsidewhenIwassoblessedontheoutside.AndI
couldneveradmitthatI’dheardhimdiscussingmylovelifewithStevetheotherday.Wonderingifnow
wasthetimetoparademeinfrontofNewYork’sfinestbachelorsinordertofindawillingright-hand
partnertorunBelleElle.

IshudderedasItradedmystilettosforthewhitesneakers.Thethoughtofgivingmylifetoacompany

that’dalwaysbeentherewasonething.Theideaofsharingmylifewithamanwhowouldnever
understandmewasappalling.

Ameowsounded,followedbythestreakofsilverfurasSageappearedunderthechangingroom

door.

Iscowled.“Whatareyoudoingdownhere?”
Ioughttoregretteachinghertojumpupandswatthebuttonsontheelevator.ShewaslikeHoudini

withherabilitytochasemedownanywhereinthebuilding,nomatterifI’dkeptherinmyofficeortaken
hertoameeting.

“Youknowyou’renotallowedontheshopfloor.”
SheflickedhertailandleapedontothesmallstoolwhereI’dplacedmypencilskirt.Shemeowed

againthenlickedherpaw.

“Youalsoknowyoucan’tcomewithmetonight,right?”
HerheadwrenchedupasifI’dutteredsometerriblecurse.
Shespreadherclawsandlickedbetweenthem,daringmetosaysuchblasphemyagain.
Iignoredherdisplayoffelineannoyance,pushingheroffmyuniform.“Youheardme,Sage.Don’t

pretendotherwise.”Bundlingtheclothesup,ItookonelastlookinthemirroranddecidedIlooked
sufficientlyteenagerish.IsurelookednothingliketheheadhonchoofBelleElle.

“Good.”Inodded,fluffingupmyblondehairthatcascadeddownmybacktomywaist.Dad

constantlymoanedformetohaveitcut,butitwasmyonerebellion.Thelengthwasn’tpractical,and
mostofthetime,Ijustletitairdryintomessywaves.Theonlypartoftheperfectrule-abidingCEOthat
waswild.

Headingbacktotheshopfloor,Igrabbedashoppingbagfrombeneathoneofthemanycashier

stationsandtuckedmyexpensiveclothesinside.Oncefoldedneatly,Ituckedtheglossybagintothe
cupboardbeneaththetillwheremanilafoldersrestedwithdailytasksandchecklists.

TwomorethingsandthenIwouldbereadytogo.
Ineedacoatincaseitgetscoldandsomecash.
Ihadn’tbroughtmyhandbagdownfrommyoffice.Notthatitwould’vemadeadifferenceifIhad.
Ihadnocash.IfIneededsomething,myassistantboughtitforme.Ionlyhadacreditcardfor

emergencies(notthatI’deverusedit),andmyI.Dbadgetoaccessrestrictedpartsofthebuilding.

Sagejoinedmefromthechangingroomandprowleddowntheaisle,draggingmyattentiontoasmall

tablewithfunkypursesondisplay.SeeingasI’dstolenjeans,atop,andapairofshoesalready,I
supposedtakingapursewouldn’tmatter.

Andhell,whileIwasatit,Imightaswelltakesomespendingmoney,seeingastherewouldn’tbe

anyonetobuymeanythingtonight.

Usingtheuniversalkeyattachedtomylanyardandbadge,Iunlockedthecashregisterandlookedat

thefloat.Therewerenobigbills,onlyregimentedchangereadyforanewdayoftransactions.Therestof
theday’stakingswouldalreadybecounted,bound,andinourvault,readyforabankrun.

Nomatter.
Threehundreddollarsintwenty-dollarbillswouldbefine.
Takingthewad,IwroteaquicknoteonaPost-it:NoelleCharlstonborrowed$300inpettycash.

Pleasecontactherassistant,FleurHemmings,onextension#4456toreimburseformorningbusiness.

Iplaceditwherethebillshadbeen(sonoonewouldgetintotroubleformissingmoney),closedthe

till,andheadedtowardthepursedisplay.Selectingonewithagraffitiskullonablackbackground,I
tuckedthecashinside.Thelonelinessandstrangelostnessinsidemeslowlytrickledaway,blossoming
intofearandexcitement.

IflashedtheskullwalletatSage.“See,IcanbearebelifIwantto.”
Shelickedherlips,herwhiskersquivering.
Steppingaroundher,Ibeelinedforthefinalthingonmylist.
I’dneverwornanythinglessthanthousanddollarcashmerecoats.However,tonightIwouldwear...
Itappedmyfingers,deliberatingthejacketchoice.
Tonight,I’llwearapatentleatherblackbomberwithapricetagof$19.99.
Pullingitoffthehanger,Ifondledthecheapmaterial.I’dalwayswantedtowearsomethinglikethis.

AsIslippediton,twoemotionsskittered:terrorandthesuddendesiretoreturnalltheclothestowhere
theybelonged,andeagerfrustrationtobeginmyexplorationoftheBigApple.

Iwasafraid.
Iwasexcited.
Iwassosickofbeingshelteredandonlybeinggoodatonething.
It’stimeforthattochange.
“Happybirthdaytome.”Ituckedthewalletintomybomberjacketpocket,scoopedSagefromthe

floorandrubbedhernosewithmine.“Iloveyou,butyoucan’tcome.”

Herlittlefacepouted.
“Don’tlookatmelikethat.Iwon’tbegonelong.”
Shemeowedsadly.
Myheartsqueezed,butIsteeledmyselfagainstherguilttripandheadedtowardtheelevators.

Walkingwassomucheasierandcomfierinsneakersthanheels.Nowonderpeoplechoosethemover
fashion.

“I’msorry,Sage,butit’sonlyonenight.”Holdingherfirmwithonehand,Ipressedthebuttonto

summontwoelevators.

Onetogoupandonetogodown.
Theuponecamefirst,andIploppedherintoit.Givingherasmile,Ipressedmyofficelevelonthe

topfloor.“Goback.Curlupinyourbasket.Youwon’tevennoticeI’mgone.”

Shemeowedagainasthedoorsslowlyclosed.
Iwhispered,“Don’tlookatmelikethat.Ithurtstoomuch.”
Ihuggedmyselfthemomentshe’dgone,feelingutterlyaloneandterrified.
WhyamIdoingthis?
Ishouldforgetitandjustgohome.
Butthenthedownelevatorpingedandwaitedformetobebraveandcommittoonenightawayfrom

BelleElle.

Hesitantly,fearfully,Isteppedintoitandpreparedtobecomesomeoneelse.
Someonefree.

ChapterFour

EVERYTHINGseemeddifferent.

Everythingisdifferent.
Theairtastedricher.Thetrafficsoundedlouder.Thetemperaturefeltcooler.Eventhesensationof

cheapvinylaroundmyshouldersandcushysneakersonmyfeetwasdifferent.

NineteenyearsandthiswasthefirsttimeI’dbeenintroducedtotheworldwithoutfineryorrules

keepingmebarricadedfromliving.

Iinhaleddeep,coughingalittleasataxispewedexhaust.Theburninmythroatwassoforeigntothe

filteredairoftheBelleEllebuildingthatIgrinnedratherthangrimaced.

Thepursewithitscashwhisperedtobespent,andmyidentificationbadgeremainedhiddeninmy

pocket,remindingmewhoIwasandhowirresponsibleIwasbeing.

IhadnophoneforDadtocontactme.NomethodofcommunicationorwayofcallingforhelpifIgot

lostorintotrouble.

Iwaswillingtoputmyselfatriskjusttolivealittle;totasteadifferentlifetotheoneI’dbeengiven.
Icouldn’tlieandsayitwasn’texhilarating,butitwasalsoabsolutelyterrifying.
ThosefirstfewstepsawayfromBelleEllephysicallyhurt.Theacheinmychestatdisappointingmy

fatherhollowedmeoutuntilevenmyexcitementatdoingsomethingnewcouldn’tfill.

Afewtimes,Isecond-guessedmyselfandalmostturnedaround.Istopped,spun,andlookedbackat

thehugehulkingbuildingwheretheshoppingmegastorewasrun.

ButthenIremindedmyselfifIdidn’tdothis,Iwouldneverknowwhatitwasliketobenormal.SoI

suckeditup,turnedbackaround,andputonesneakeredfootinfrontoftheother,slowlyenteringthe
empireofdowntownNewYork.

Strangersbumpedintome,touristsaskedmetotaketheirphotograph,andstreetvendorsyelledabout

theirwaresdirectlyintomyface.

Thesensoryoverloadslowlyerodedmyshameforsneakingoutandforcedmetopayattentionto

everyminorthing.

Forhours,Iwalked.
Istared.
Ibreathed.
Iletlifetakemewhereveritwantedforachange.IhadnoideawhereIwasgoingorhowtogetback,

butIletmyfeetgetmelostbecauseIhadmoneytocatchataxihome.Iknewmyaddress—Iwasn’tthat
sheltered.IcouldaffordtogowhereverIwanted,andattheendofmyadventureshopinacabandreturn
withanewdepthtomyexistence.AndasecretIwouldhappilyharborforever.

Atsomepoint,Imust’vedoneablockandloopedbackonmyself,soinsteadofturningleftwhenI

arrivedatTimesSquare,IturnedrightandcontinuedlettingthecityshowmewhatI’dbeenmissing.

FlashingbillboardstriedtoconvincemeIneededthelatestJeepandHummer.Hollywoodstarsand

starletsglowedinLEDwonderwithsnippetsofupcomingmovies.MadameTussaudspromisedwonders
foreverencapsulatedinwax,andRipley’sBelieveItorNot!beckonedmetoseethingsnotcommonin
everydaylife.

Walkingpastasouvenirshop,abunchofclocksheldupbyminiStatuesofLibertyshowedI’d

wanderedforawhile.

Tenp.m.
Bynow,ifI’dstucktomyroutine,Iwouldbeathome,freshfromaquicktreadmill-runandshower.I

wouldanswerafewlast-minuteemailsandcrawlintobedtoreadthelatestromancebeforemyeyes
closedandthee-readerboppedmeonthehead.

Nottonight.
Tonight,strangerssmiledoryelled—dependingiftheywantedmetodosomethingforthemorgetout

oftheway.Ieithermovedtoofastortooslow,unabletofallintotherhythmofthemismatchedcrowdI’d
adopted.Myjacketoverheatedmefromwalkingandbeingcrampedintostreetswithsweatypeoplemade
meclaustrophobic.Myfeetwereflat,andmytummywasempty.

Butnothingcoulddetractfromhowfreeingandawe-inspiringeveryexperiencewas.
Turninganothercorner,IspottedafoodtruckpromisingthebestMexicanthissideoftheborder.

Hadn’toneofmybucketlistitemsbeentoeatfromastreetvendor?

Itmightmakeyousick.
Yes,itmight.ButfoodpoisoningwouldbeyetanotheradventureI’dlongbeendenied.Pullingthe

pursefrommypocket,Ijoinedthequeueandwaitedmyturn.AsIshuffledtothefront,Icranedmyneck
tolookattheguyleeringdowninagrease-spottedapron.

“WhatcanIgetcha?”Hechewedapieceofgum,fingerstwirlinghispencilinimpatience.
Inarrowedmyeyesatthemenubehindhim.“Um,whatdoyourecommend?”
Hescoffed.“Recommend?Lady,doIlooklikeIhavetimetoshoottheshitwithyou?”Hepointedat

thecrowdbehindmewithhispencil.“Hurryup.Igotpayingpeopletofeed.”

Iopenedmywalletandpulledoutatwenty.“I’lljusthavesomethingchicken.”Ihandedhimthe

money.“Oh,andnothot.Idon’tlikespice.”

“Gotit.”Hesnorted.“Chickenandbland.Boringorderforaboringgirl.”
Itensed.“Excuseme?”
Helookedmeupanddown.“Beatit,princess.Yourorderwillbereadyinfiveminutes.Pick-upisat

thewindowdownthetruck.”Hetossedmeadirtyten-dollarbill.“Here’syourchange.”

Icurledmyfingersaroundthemoney,annoyanceandhurtmakingequalacidtracksinsideme.I’d

neverbeentalkedtothatway.Noonedared.

Thefacthe’dcalledmeboring,whenIcompletelyagreedwithhim,pissedmeoffevenmore.I

waddedupthemoneyandthrewitathim.“Knowwhat?Addabeefsomethingorothertothatorder,too.
Andmakeitextraspicy.”

Iwalkedofftowardthecollectionwindowbeforehecouldinsultmeanymore.

ChapterFive

THEBEEFWASabadidea.

Aftercollectingmydinner,IstrolledtowardTimesSquarewhereafewtablesandchairshadbeen

placedformillingpedestrians.Thetablewasfilthy,thechairrickety,butI’dnevereatenwithsuch
vibrancyasmyentertainmentbefore.

ThetinfoilwrappedburritosteamedwithflavorasIopeneditandinhaled.Determinedtoprovethe

greasymanwrong,Itookabiteofthebeef,chewed,andgrinned.

It’snotsobad.
Thentheheatbegan.
Mytongueshrivelledup.
TheMexicanfoodkickedmehard.Quickerandhotteruntilmygrinswitchedtoagasp,wheezingin

spicyagony.

Water!
Oh,myGod,Ineedwater.
MyeyesstreamedwithtearsasIgrabbedbothburritos,leftmycommandeeredtable,andbolted

towardtheconveniencestoreblinkingwithbillboardsofice-coldwaterandcolabottles.

Charginginside,Iyankedopenaglass-frontedfridge,grabbedawater,andtoreoffthecap.Idowned

itinthreeseconds.Andstill,thefireburnedmytongueandlips.

Gasping,Igrabbedachocolatemilk.
Strugglingwiththecap,Ifinallygotitopenandtookafewgreedysips.Thefull-fatmilkhelped

tempersomeofthehatefulrage.Iexhaledasighofrelief.

“Ihopeyou’regoingtopayforthat.”Ashopgirlwithpinkhairraisedaneyebrow.
Wipingmylipswiththebackofmyhand(somethingIwouldneverdoinmyrealworld),Inodded

andcollectedanotherwaterbottlewhilesomehowhuggingmymostly-untouchedburritos.“Yes,sorry.
Thespicecaughtmeunaware.”

Shegrinned.“Ohshit,didyoupissoffPete?”
“Pete?”Iplacedthetwowaterbottles(onefull,oneempty)andthehalf-drunkchocolatemilkontothe

conveyerbelt.

Theshopkeeperpassedthemoverthescanner,ringingupthesale.“Yeah,theguywhoownsthe

Mexicanstreetmeat.”Shegiggled.“Hemakesameantaco,butman,he’scruelonthehotsauce.”

Iranmytongueovermystillstinginglips.“Ikindofaskedforit.”Shrugging,Ismiled.“Idon’tgetout

much.Iwasn’tawarenottoantagonizefoodsellers.”

Shebaggedmypurchases.“Yep,everyoneknowsthat.Especiallynottopissoffthestreetkings.”
Idugintomywalletandpulledoutatwenty.Shetookit,openedtheregister,thenpassedmemy

change.Thefactshespoketomewithnotensionorconcernmademerelax.

Iwassousedtotalkingtowomenfromaboss-employeerelationship.Noonejokedinmypresence

ortoldmewhattodoincaseIfiredthem.Andthosewhodidtrytobefriendmeonlydidsofora
promotionorraise.

Icouldtastefakerylikearottenapple.
Wesharedanothersmilebeforeawkwardnesscreptin.Ididn’tknowhowtoendafriendly

conversationorevenwhentoleaveafterbuyingsomething.

Thegirlsavedmefromstandingtherelikeanidiot.“Well,youhaveagoodnight.Anddon’tpissoff

anymorepeople,youhear?”

Inodded.“Gotit.Thanksforyourhelp.”
“Nosweat.”Shegavemeasmallwavebeforedisappearingfromthetilltofinishstockingashelf

withchips.

MakingsureIhadbothburritosandmyvaluableliquidstogetmethroughthefire-breathingdragonof

Pete’srevenge,Ilefttheshopandre-enteredthemanicworldofshoppersandtourists.

Iduckedandjivedthroughthecrowd,intendingtositbackdownandtrytheblanderchickenburrito,

onlytofindmytableandchairhadbeennabbedbyafamilywiththreeyoungchildrenwhoblinked
glassy-eyedwithtirednessintheglowofthebrightneonlights.

Alltheothertableswereoccupied.
Oh,well.
Idon’tmind.Icanwalkandeat.
Laughtercaughtmyears.IglancedatatabletwodownfromwhereIstood,wherefourteenagegirls

sat.MylipstwitchedtoshareintheirjokeasIlookedatwhattheywerelaughingat.Horrorslammedinto
meinstead.

Theysneeredandgiggledatanelderlyhomelessmanpickingupaluminumcansinatrashbag.
Iachedforhimandthehopelessnessofhissituation.Hewasfullyawareofthejokesandwhispers,

doinghisbesttoignorethegirlsashechasedacancaughtinapuffofwind.

I’dbeenontheoppositeendofhomelessnessallmylife.I’dbeenbornintoarolethatwouldensure

I’dneverknowthepainofcoldandhunger.I’dbeengivensomuch,andwhathadIdone?I’drunaway
forthenightlikeanunappreciativeteenager.

WhatwasIthinking?
Embarrassmentcoatedmyinsides.Icouldn’tlookattheclothesI’dtakenfromBelleElleorthefood

I’dboughtwithmoneygrabbedfromthetill.ThingsIhadeveryrighttousebutsomehowfeltlikeI’d
stolenandbrokenmyfather’strust.

Thegirlscontinuedtolaughasacanrolledoutoftheman’strashbagthroughatearinthebottom.
Iwantedtoslapthemfortheirimmaturityandlackofempathy.IwantedtoforgetI’deverthoughtI

wantedtobeatypicalgirlratherthanwhoItrulywas:acapableyoungwomanwhowouldneverstandby
whileanotherwasridiculed.

Marchingtowardthehomelessmanwhoknockedonfifty(Dad’sage)withascruffygraybeardand

holeybeanie,Istoppedandpickedupthecan.“Hereyougo.”

Hefroze.
Thewayhewatchedwithtrepidationandsuspicionlaceratedmyheart.Hisentirebodywaitedfor

abuse,fearingwhatothermisfortuneI’dbringintohislife.

“It’sokay.”Iurgedhimtotakethedinged-upcan.
Hedid,reluctantly.
Oncehe’dtuckedthecanintohisbag,Ilookedatthegauntnessinhisfaceandthewayhelickedhis

lipsatmyburritos.

Myownhungervanished.
“Here.”Ipushedtheplasticbagcontainingthewaterandchocolatemilk,followedbytheburritos,

intohisarms.“Youhavethem.I’veonlytakenonebite.I’mnotcontagious,Ipromise.”

Hismouthfellopenashecradledtheicydrinksandhotfood.
AwkwardnessfellandtearsIdidn’tunderstanditchedmyspine.Thelookinhiseyeswasfullof

shockanduttergratefulness.

Hequicklystuffedthefoodintothebaggypocketsofhisjacketandswiggedthehalf-emptychocolate

milkuntilitwasgone.Wipinghislipswiththebackofhishand,hemurmured,“Thankyou.”

Ismiled.“You’rewelcome.”
Iknewitwastimetoleave.ButIcouldn’twalkaway—notyet.
Pullingmywalletout,Itookthetwenties,minuseightydollarsforme(asemergencyfundstoget

home),andplacedthemintohishand.“Please,havethisaswell.Eatandhaveanightinahotel
somewhere.”

Hecurledhisfingerstightlyaroundthemoney.“Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
“Don’tsayanything.”Isteppedaway.“Haveagoodnight.AndI’msorryforthosegirlslaughingat

you.That’sterriblyrude.We’renotalllikethat.”

Heblinkedasifcomingoutofafugue.
“Goodbye.”IwalkedawayfeelingbetterandhappierthanIhadin...well,forever.

ChapterSix

ELEVENP.M.ANDthenoveltyofwalkingaroundabustlingcityhadbeguntowear.

Ididn’twanttospendanymoremoneyonfood—justincaseataxicostovereighty.Ihadnoideahow

muchtransportationwouldbetogethome.

MyfeetachedfromallthemilesI’dtraveled.Mybackhurtfromnotbeingusedtostanding.Andthe

crowdsteadilybecamelesspoliteandmoredisorderlyasthenightgrewlater.

Thejostlingoflimbsandpushinessmademenervous,andthoughtsofreturningtoaquietbedroom

whereIknewwhoIwasandhowtoplaybytherulesenticedme.

Steppingfromthecurb,Ishotacrosstheroad(narrowlymissingaspeedingcar),andstoodonthe

cornerwhereapileofrubbishhadgatheredfrompassingpedestriansandshop-frontsreadyfor
collection.

Ilookedupanddowntheroad,hopingtoseetheyellowglintofacab.Ihatedthatonlyafewhours

intomybidforfreedom,Ialreadywantedtogohome.Itrulywasaboringgirllikethefoodvendorhad
said.

ButatleastI’dexploredonmyown.
IknownowI’mnotmissinganything.
Icanputmychildishwhimsbehindmeandagreethegrassisnotgreenerontheotherside.
Istoodforafewminutes,waitingforaridebutnothingcame.Decidingtochangemyposition,I

joinedthecrowdsagainandcarriedonalittlefurther.Oncethecongestionthinnedout,Istoodinfrontof
asmallalleyandresumedmysearch.

Left,right,lookandhope.
IstayedinplacesoIcouldraisemyarmquicklythemomentIspottedacab.
TheworldfadedaroundmeasIfocusedonwaitingforaride.Theallureofsoftsheetsandquiet

roomshelpeddeletethechaosI’dbeenapartofforafewshorthours.

Ididn’tnoticethetwomenatfirst.
PerhapsIwastoonaïveorblind,butIdidn’texpectahandtolasharoundmyelbowonbothsides—

twomencrowdingmebetweenthem.

Myheartleapedintomythroat,gaggingmefromscreaming.
Myeyespoppedwithdisbeliefastheyjerkedmebackwardintothealley.
No!
Ididn’tcomprehendwhatwashappening.
Letmego!
I’dneverbeenhandledwithsuchforcebefore.
Theirtouchduglikefive-fingertrapsintomyarms.
Hurting.
Bruising.
“Help!”Myheartstuckinmythroat,preventinganymorethanastrangledbeg.Myuselessnessgave

themallthetimetheyneeded.

Withasinisterchuckle,theydraggedmedeeperintothedarkness,awayfromstreetlightsandpeople

andtaxis.

“Letmego!”Istruggled,kickingandflailing.“Help!Help!Someone—”

Butitwastoolate.
Theypulledmefurther,laughinglouderasmyfeetskiddeduselesslyonthegrimyground.Insome

strangerecessofmymind,Inoticedhowdirtymyshoeshadbecome.Howblacknowsmearedthe
pristinewhite.

“No!Stop!”Ilostmyshock-stupor,givingintofightingterror.
Ibentandbuckled.
Ikickedandsquirmed.
Buttheyweretoostrong.
Thestreetwastoofaraway.
Theworldwastooobsessedtocare.
“Let.Me.Go!”
“Shutthefuckup.”Theharshcommandwasassharpasafishhook,diggingintomymindwithevil.
“Whatdoyouwant?”Ifoughtharder,windedandso,soworried.“Idon’t—”
“Toldyou.Shutthefuckup.”Theyheldmetighter,theirfingersdiggingintomyfleshlikecleavers.

“Whatwewantisourbusiness,notyours.”Oneofthemlaughed.

Three-quartersdownthealley,wherethesoundsofabusymetropolisweremutedinfavorof

ranknessfromawfulsmellingtrash,theyshovedmeforward,slammingmeagainstthewall.

Theairinmylungsvanished,leavingmeempty.
Idoubledoverinpainasthenodulesofmyspinecrunchedagainstbrick.Itriedtosuckinabreath,

mylonghairtanglinginamessovermyshoulder.

Ipeeredupthroughtheblondestrands,doingmybesttoformulateanescape.Tothem,Iwasan

inexperiencedlittlegirlwhotheycouldrobandhurtwithnoconsequences.Ihadtoprovetothem
otherwise.

Evenifit’sthetruth.
Themenchuckled,nudgingeachotherwithcongratulations.
Ididn’twaittoseewhatwouldhappennext.Pushingofffromthewall,Isprintedthroughthesmall

gapanddugforeverybitofstrengthandcourageIhad.Mymouthopenedtoscream—toscreamasloud
andaslongasIcould—butonemangrabbedme,slammingmeintohischest.Theotherplastereda
metallicsmellingpalmovermylips,silencingme.

Sandwichedbetweenthetwo,Iunderstoodmydiresituation.
Theterribly,stupidbadsituation.
“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing,littlebitch?”
Hardness,wherethereshouldbenohardness,proddedmeinthefrontandtheback.Theygroundtheir

cocksagainstme.

Ishuddered,understandingrightawaythatwhatevertheywantedfrommewasn’tjustmonetarybut

physical.

AndIcan’tdoathingtostopit.
Tearssprangtomyeyes,butIdidmybesttoblinkthemaway.I’dletshockgetmeintothismess.I

wouldn’tletpitymakeitworse.

Theirbreathturnedheavyastheypressedharderintome.Notcaringthattheirheadstouchedeach

otherintheirbidtoconsumeme.

Mybonesturnedtoashasmyheartsuffocated.
Please,pleasedon’tletthemhurtme.
Beingnormalwassuddenlythemostidioticconceptintheworld.IwouldgladlyreturntoBelleElle

andneverleavethecrystaltowerofbusinessfortherestofmylife.Iwouldworkeveryhour,ofevery
dayuntilIdiedifIcouldjustwalkawayfromthisuntouched.

Please!

Iwriggledintheirarms,tryingtobaremyteethbeneaththeguy’spalmtobite.Hekeptmylipsfirmly

gluedwhilehishipsthrustagainstmefrombehind.Hisrockingknockedmeoffbalanceintohis
accomplice’ssicklyembrace.“Knowwhattonightis,prettygirl?”

Mynineteenthbirthday.
Mystupidattemptatbeingnormal.
Isuckedinabreath,draggingintheirscentsofcorruptionandfilth.
“It’sthenightyougiveusagoodfuckthen,ifyou’regood,weletyougo.”
Horrorflowedlikeicewateronlytosolidifyintoaglacierashisfriendwhispered,“Wewantyour

moneyandyourjewelryaswellasyourcunt.Givethemupwillingly,andthiswillendmuchbetterfor
you.”

Hereacheddown,cuppingmebetweenthelegs.
Imoanedlikeaferalcatabouttobebutchered.
“Don’tandthingswillgetvery,verybad.”Hisfingersclenchedaroundmycore.“Fuckingbad.Got

it?”

WhenIdidn’tmoveapartfromblinkingyetmoreterrifiedtearsfrommyvision,hepressedhisgroin

intomybelly.“Nodifyougetit.”

Ididn’twanttoobey.
Iwantedtotellthemtodie.
Hisfriendsnakedhisarmaroundmymiddle,clutchingmesohardmyribsbent,andthehardnessin

hispantsbruisedmyspine.“Nod,bitch,thenwe’llletyougo.”Hethrustagain.“Butifyouscream,we’ll
beatyoufuckingbloody,andyou’llwakeupwithnothing.Notevenyourclothes.”

Mylungsachedfromlackofoxygen;causticterrorburnedholesinmyveins,drowningmeinblood.
Themaninfrontkissedmycheek.“Lasttime.Nodifyouagreetoourterms.”
WhatelsecouldIdo?
Ihadnoweapons,noexperience.ThemostIcouldhopetodowasdelaybyobeyinguntilIspiedan

opportunitytorun.

Pleaseletthatopportunitycomesoonerratherthanlater.
IthurtevenmorethansteppingfromBelleElleinshame,butInodded.
ThemomentIdid,theysteppedback.Theoneinfrontreadjustedhistrousers,fistinghimself.“Fuck,it

makesmehotwhentheyobey.”

They?
Howmanywomenhadtheydonethisto?
Theworldhadbeenavibrantadventurebefore.Now,itwasacesspoolofcriminals.
Themanbehindmecametomyside,hemmingmeagainstthewall.Theyplacedthemselves

strategicallytoblockmyexit.Theshadowskeptmostoftheirfeatureshidden,butoneworeabaseballhat
witharedlogo,andtheotherdressedinawhitejacketwiththeAdidaslogoonthefrontpocket.They
werethesameheight(aboutafoottallerthanme)andbothhaddirtyteethastheysmiledmatchingevil
grins.

Theonewho’dbeenbehindmeinhisAdidasjacketpointedatmyneck.“First,let’sfocusonthe

jewelry,shallwe?Givemethatnecklace.”

Igulped.“What?”
Theoneinthebaseballcapwaggedhisfinger.“Notalking.Dowhatwesay,oryou’refucked.”
Iflinchedasheonceagainfistedthehardlengthvisibleinhispants.“First,wegetwhatwewant,and

thenyougetwhatyouwant.”

WhatIwant?
Mylipscurledindisgust.
WhatIwantisforyoutodropdeadinagony.

Hisaccomplicechuckled.“Whatyouwantisacock,stuck-upbitch.Youcan’tdenyit.Well,it’syour

luckynight.You’llgettwosoonenough.Now,handoverthatfuckingnecklace.”

“Please...”IclampedmyhandoverthesapphirestarthatI’donlyhadsincebreakfastbutalready

meantsomuch.“Don’t—”

“Breakingalltherules,aren’tcha?”Afistcameoutofnowhere,crashingagainstmytemple.
Brightpaindetonatedthroughmyskull,forcingmebackandsidewaysagainstthewall.Icouldn’tsee

pastflashinglights.Icouldn’thearthroughtheringinginmyhead.Butitdidn’tstoponeofthemfrom
grabbingthechainaroundmyneckandyankinghardenoughtobreak.Thewhite-goldslicedintomynape
beforegivingway,makingmecryoutinpain.

Ahandlandedonmybreast,squeezinghardwhileafootkickedmylegsopenandfingersgrabbed

betweenmythighs.

Imoanedagain,shakingmyheadtoridtherecedingpunch.“No...stop.”
Ahandsmashedovermymouth.“Shutthefuckup.”
MyvisionslowlycamebackasAdidasdughishandsintomyjacketandpulledoutmypurse.He

countedthebillswhileBaseballCapkeptmegaggedandpressedhalf-standing,half-slouchingagainstthe
wall.“Eightybucks?Seriously,that’sallyouhave?”Hissneerwasaccompaniedbygrossbreath.“We’ll
justhavetogetitoutofyouinotherways.”

Digginghishandintomybackjeanspocket,hepulledoutmyBelleElleidentificationcard.Theflash

ofmyportraitinacrispblackblazerandmyblondehairartfullycoiledremindedmehowfarI’dfallen
frommyqueendom.

Iftheykilledme,myfatherwouldneverknowwhathappened.TherewouldbenowaytoI.Dmybody

oranyexplanationofhowIendedupinanalleyonmynineteenthbirthdayandnotsafeathomewithhim.

IhatedhowselfishI’dbeen.
Howstupid.
IfIsurvivedthis,Iwouldneverbemoanmylifeagain.Iwouldnevertakemycompanyforgranted.I

wouldliveanexistenceofuttergratefulness.

“NoelleCharlston.Lookslikeyouhaveacushyofficejob.”BaseballCapsmirked.“Betyouusethat

niceassjustforsittingratherthananythingelse.”Heleanedintome,pressinghiserectionagainstmyhip.
“Everbeenfuckedoveryourdesk,officegirl?Evergivenabossablowjobforapromotion?”Hethrust
hard.“Ilikethethoughtofyougivingmeablowjob.”Henoddedathisfriend.“Getheronherknees.”

IscrunchedupmyfaceasIscreamedinternally.
I’dgonethroughschoolwithoutboyfriendsofanykind.I’dstolenasinglekissonthedancefloorof

myhighschoolprom,butithadn’tincludedtongue.Noboyshadbravedmyfathertoaskmeout.Iwas
lightyearsaheadinexperienceofmanagingandrunningacompany,butsoilltaughtwhenitcametosex.

Blowjob?
NowaydidIwanttodothat.Ihadnoideahow.Andtheideaofsuckingonthatpartofamanmade

mewanttovomitonmydirtysneakers.

ButwhatIwantednolongermattered.
Mykneesscreamedastheypushedmetotheground.
Idaren’tlookup.
BaseballCapduckedwithme.
Sittingonhishaunches,hesmirked.“Beforeweshowyouours,youhavetoshowusyours.”BeforeI

couldargueormove,herippedoffmybomberjacketandtosseditintothedarknessbehindhim.Hetore
attheoff-the-shouldert-shirtuntilithungintatters,revealingmyblackbra.

“Let’sseewhatyourtitsarelike.”
Everythingshutdownashishandmovedforwardtocupme.
Iturnedinward.

Itriedtodeletewhatwasabouttohappen.
Only,heneverconnected.
Ablurinthedarkmaterializedlikeaphantom.
Aman’sgruntingerupted.
Adidasfellbackward,yankedbyanunseenforce.BaseballCapwhirledaround,hisfistsup,readyto

fight.“Whothefuckisthere?”

Adidasgroanedasashadowconnectedwithhisstomachthenwithhisjaw.Iblinkedindisbeliefas

theapparitionsteppedintothelight,revealinganothermanwithablackhoodieoverhishead.

Hedidn’tintroducehimself.
HetwirledaroundandkickedAdidasinthechest,sendinghimcareeningtothedirtyground.
Thenewguyturnedandlockedeyesonme.Beneaththegloomofhishoodie,hisintensegazetangled

meintoknots.Forasplitsecond,myheartkick-startedfromfeartoreliefthensankbackintoterror.

First,thereweretwo.
Now,therewerethree.
Iwasn’tsafe.
Evenifthenewcomerseemedtofightonmyside.
Scramblingtomyfeet,Ipulledattheruinedpiecesofmytop.
Thenewguyfollowedmytornclothing,eyeingmybra.Hisjawclenchedandalowgrowlechoedin

thealley.Whateverhadsewnustogetherforthosefewsecondssnapped.

HelaunchedhimselfatBaseballCap.
Hetackledthewannaberapisttotheground,punchinghimonce,twice,threetimesinthestomach.
Theyrolledaround,legskicking,armswhirlinguntilthehoodedfigureswungawell-aimedsucker-

punchrightintothenoseofBaseballCap.

Themandissolvedfromhooligantohelpless.Hisarmsandhandscameuptoshieldhisface.His

mouthbloodyandbreathragged.“Fuck,wegive,wegive.Stop!”

Immediately,thehoodedfigureclamberedtohisfeet.Wrenchingahandoverhisface,hegrunted.

“SecondtimeI’vecaughtyouassholes.Therewon’tbeathird.”

Adidaspushedofftheconcretewithbothhands,climbingunsteadilytohisfeet.“Fuckyou.”
Thehoodedfiguresteppedforwardand,withaquickjab,deliveredanotherpunchintoAdidas’s

throat.

“Ah,fu—”Hecollapsedtohisknees,hishandsaroundhisneck,gaspinglikealunatic.“I—Ican’t—

breathe—”

Tomyhorror,Ismiledalittle.Ihadnosympathyforhim,butIshouldn’ttakeenjoymentfromsuch

violence.

ShouldI?
ThehoodedmanpointedatAdidassquirmingonthefloor.“Thatwasforbeingrude.”Hislegcame

outagain,connectingwiththewhitejacketcoveringAdidas’sribs.“That’sforbeingacunt.”Hisface
turnedtowardme,butIcouldn’tseehisfeaturesinthedark.Neverlookingawayfromme,hethrew
anotherpunchatAdidas’shead.Itwasn’tatfullpower,merelyaswat—atellingoff.“Andthat’sforher.”

Steppingback,hecrossedhisarms.“Now,whatdoyouhavetosayforyourself?”
Adidasstillhadn'tlearnedhislesson.Hespatblood,glisteningblackinthenight.“Fuckyoutwice,

man.Youcan’tscareus.”

Thehoodedmantookamenacingstepcloser.
BaseballCapdodgedforward,nursingasorearm.Heheldupahandinsurrender,somesortof

chivalrycomingthroughtoprotecthisassholefriend.“Look,we’redone,okay?”

ThehoodedmanglancedatAdidas—theassholewho’dbeenmomentsawayfromstealingmy

virginity.Hisvoicelashedoutlikeadarkwhip,demandingobedience.“Andyou?Areyoudone?”

Adidasnoddedprofusely.“Fine.Sure.”
“Good.”Thehoodedmanheldouthishand.Bloodmarkedhisfingers,butIcouldn’ttellifitwas

fromhimorhisvictims.“Coughitup.”

BaseballCapscrambledbackward,shakinghishead.“Nah,noway.”Hepattedhispocketwithasick

gleaminhisgaze.“Nah,man.Youtakethegirl.We’lltakethecash.”

HoodedMancockedhishead.Itwasnothingmorethananinnocentmove,butitdrippedwiththreat.

“Doyouwanttodietonight,Gio?BecauseIcanarrangethat.”

Gio?
Heknowstheirnames?
How?
Adidasscoffed.“Doyouknowwhoyou’refuckingtalkingto?”
HoodedManglowered.“IknowexactlywhoI’mtalkingtoandwouldn’tyourfuckingfatherbeglad

tohearwhatIhavetotellhim?”Hepulledhishoodiehigheroverhisface,makinghimselffeatureless,a
blackvoid.“Ifyoudon’tstopandcallthesefuckinggamesquit,I’lldoworsethanbeatyou.”

Whatthehellisgoingon?
Icouldn’tdecidewhowasscarier:thetwomenwho’dgrabbedmeorthissaviorwrappedinblack.
Thehoodedman’svoicewasamenacinggrowl—amixbetweengravelandvelvet.Hisbodywas

lithebeneaththeoversizedhoodieandholeyjeans.Helookedlikeaskater-rat—theposterchildfor
rebellionandlawlessness.

Hehadtheairofoneofourin-storebillboardswitharoughandreadyskaterinahalf-pipeselling

baggyjeansandchainbeltswithaspraycaninhishand.WhenI’dapprovedthemarketing,I’dfearedit
wasalittle‘rough’forourcleanbrandforteenagers.Turnedout,thatbannerwastamecomparedtothis
man.

BaseballCapsteppedforward.“Handoverthemoney,Sean.”
“Oh,forfuck’ssake,”Adidasgrumbled,reluctantlypullingoutmycash.Ididn’tcareaboutthemoney,

butifthefacelesssaviorwantedtoreturnmyproperty,Iwouldn’targue.

HoodedManheldouthishand.
Sean,theAdidaspunk,angrilyshovedthedollarbillsintohisgrip.Thesecondthecashchanged

hands,itvanishedintothehoodedman’sjeanslikeamagictrick.

Heturnedtome,hisfacestilladarksecret.“Didtheystealanythingelse?”Hisgazetraveleddown

myfrontwhereIheldmytorntoptogether.

Iflinchedunderhisinspection,wishingmybradidn’tpeekoutbehindmyhands,andmybarestomach

wasn’tsoondisplay.Myheadpoundedfromthepunch,andthepungentwhiffsfromthealleydidn’thelp
myswirlofnausea.

WhenIdidn’treply,HoodedManpointedatmydestroyedtopanddiscardedjacketonthefloor.“Did

they?Stealanythingelse,Imean?Theytoreyourclothes.Doyouwantmetoruintheirsinreturn?”

Myeyeswidened.“Wh—what?”
Hisheadtilted,hearingmespeakforthefirsttime.Alowchucklecamefromtheblacknessofhis

hood.“Icanmakethemstripandrunhomenakedifitwouldmakeyoufeelbetter.”Hewavedatmy
tatteredtop.“Youdon’tneedtohide.Iwon’tletthemhurtyou.You’resafewithme.”

Themidnightraspinhisvoicenegatedhispromise.Hewasthesafestofthethree—fornow.Buthe

wasn’tsafecomparedtomyfatherorstaff.Hewastheexactoppositeofsafe.

Iswallowed,standingproudlydespitemylackofmodesty.“Ihavenodesiretoseesuchvermin

naked.”

Adidassneered.“Youwanttoseemycock,bitch.Can’tdenythatshit.”
IgavehimalookIwishedcouldmelthisskinoffhisbones.“Believeme,Iwouldrathergoblind.”
BaseballCapbaredhisteeth.“Thatcouldbearranged.”

HoodedMantookasteptowardme,puttinghimselfbetweenthemandme.“Asentertainingasthisis,

Idon’twanttocommitmurdertonight.”Heglancedatmethenatthetwomenwhowould’verapedand
hurtmeifhehadn’tshownup.

WhatamIdoing?
Antagonizingcriminals?Allforwhat?Alittledignityafterhavingmyself-worththreatened?
Holdingmychinhigh,Isaid,“TheystolemyI.Dcardforwork.Iwouldlikethatback.”
Sotheycan’tbreakintoBelleElleandI’llhaveyetmoreexplainingtodo.
HoodedManturnedtoAdidas.“Youheardher.GiveherbacktheI.D.”
Adidascursedunderhisbreathbutpulledoutthelanyardwithmytagfromhispocket.Thesecondit

switchedhands,itonceagainjoinedmyvanishedcashinablink.

HoodedManclosedthedistancebetweenus,turningtofacethemashedid.Heprotectedmewithhis

bodywhileconfrontingthem.“That’sit.Runalong.”

BaseballCappointedafinger.“We’llgetyouback.”
HoodedManshrugged.“Youkeepbeingscum,andIwon’tbesonicenexttime.”
“Youkeepthinkingyou’reuntouchableandwe’llgooutofourwaytoproveyoufuckingbleedlikethe

restofus.”

HoodedManstalkedforward,hishandssplayingbeforecurlingintofists.“Wecanproveyouwrong,

rightnow.”

“Fuckyou—”
“Ipreferwomenbutthanksforasking.”
BaseballCapcharged.“I’mgonnakill—”
AdidasgrabbedBaseballCap’sarm,stoppinghimmid-stride.“Comeon,man.We’vegotbetter

thingstodo.”

BaseballCapfoughthim,butthenaslowsmilespreadhislips.“Yeah,youknowwhat?Wedo.”He

smirkedwithevil.“Muchbetterthings.”Blowingmeakiss,hesaid,“Pitywedidn’tgettohaveourfun,
officegirl.Betyou’retornupyoudidn’tgettoseewhatwewantedtogiveyou,huh?”

HoodedMancrossedhisarms.“Fuckoff—”
He’dfoughtonebattleforme.Iwouldn’tlethimhavethecreditonthisone.
Steppingaroundhim,Iletgoofmytatteredtopandstoodinmybra-nakedglory.Thefear.The

adrenaline.Thepride.“You’rerightthatI’manofficegirlwhohasnoexperienceinfightingthelikesof
you.Butyou’rewrongthatIwantedtoseeyourshrivelled-upjerkysticks.”

BaseballCapsnarled.“Youbitch.”
“No,youdon’tgettocallmethat.You’rethebastard.You’redelusionalandadisgrace,andifyou

thinkitmakesyoumoreofamanbytryingtorapeme,I’lldoyouafavorandcutoffthatjerkyyoucalla
cockandcookitforyou.”Ismiledsweetly.“Alongwithofficeduties,I’mnotbadinthekitchen,andyou
andyoursalamiareonlyfitforfryingandfeedingtothedog.”Iheldupmyhand.“Nowait,Iwouldn’t
feedyoutomydog,andIdon’tevenownadog.”

“Ah,fuck.”HoodedMandartedtowardmejustasBaseballCaplaunchedhimselfatmythroat.
Istumbledback,onlytoslamintothearmsofHoodedManwhospunmearound,shieldingmewith

hisbody.Hisfistcameup,connectingonceagainwithBaseballCap’sjaw.

“Youcan’teventakeshitfromagirlwithoutneedingtobeanasshole?”HoodedMancrackedhis

knuckles.“She’sright.Allyouhaveinyourpantsisdried-upjerky.”Heswallowedalaugh.“Runalong
now,beforeIactuallygivethisgirlaknifeandwatchherfilletyouforherfryingpan.”

AdidasgrabbedBaseballCapforthesecondorthirdtime—I’dlostcount.Together,theybackedup.

Theireyesblackasthealleywestoodin.

BaseballCapraisedhisfinger,pointingatbothofus.“You’llfuckingpay.Bothofyou.”
Thentheyturnedaroundandboltedtowardthestreet.

ChapterSeven

FROMONEDISASTROUSsituationtoanother.

Silencefellinthealley.
They’regone.
Buthe’sstillhere.
Myskinprickledwithintensityfromthehoodedfigure,standingdangerouslylethalandsodamn

close.Ididn’tlookathim.Ididn’twanttomakeeyecontactorgivehimanyreasontobecomethevillain
afterbeingtheknight.

Ilookedattheground.“Um,Ioweyouathankyou.”
Mynakedstomachtingledashescuffedapebbleandturnedtofaceme.Thedarknessofhishood

maskedhisfeatures,butIfelthiseyeslingeringonmybra.

TherecklessconfidenceI’dhadwhenfacingdownBaseballCapandAdidasvanished.Isnatchedthe

endsofmytorntop,pullingthemclosed.Thebrokenmaterialhidalittlebutnotenoughoftheblacklace
orswellofmyflesh.

Myheartbucked.
HadhechasedthemoffbecausehewasaGoodSamaritanorbecausehewantedwhattheywere

abouttotake?Despitehisassuranceshewasn’tlikethem...howcouldIbesure?

“Look,whoeveryouare.Thankyouforsavingme.ButImustinsistyouletmego.”Ispottedthe

bomberjacketAdidashadtornoffmeandduckedtopickitup.Holdingtheblackmaterialinfrontofme
likeashield,Isaid,“Stepaside.Letmepass.”

Theglitteringlightsofcivilizationpromisedsafetydownthelongtunnelofthealley.AllIwantedto

dowasgohome.

Home.
Ataxi.
Ineedmoney.
Holdingmyhandout,Ikeptmyeyesdown.“CanIhavemybelongings,please?”
“Yourbelongings?”
Hisdeepvoicesomehowavoidedmyearsandechoeddeepinmybellyinstead.Ishiftedonthespot,

achillfromhimandthenightskypaintingmeingoosebumps.

Hecamecloser,tippinghischinup.ShadowsslunkbackasifafraidofhimasIclutchedbraveryand

lookedup.

Everythingabouthimwascloaked.“Iwon’tbite.”
Iflinched,doingmybesttodrinkinhisfacesoIcouldrememberit—justincaseIhadtofileapolice

report.

WhichIdon’twanttodoasmyfathermustneverknowaboutthis.
Hiseyesandforeheadremainedhiddenbyhishood,buthislipswereinfullview.Firmand

masculinewithjusttherightamountofstubblethat’dturnedintoashortbeard.Hewasrugged,bordering
unkempt.

Onehandvanishedintohisjean’spocket.“Doyoumeanthese?”HefannedthecashandmyI.D

badge.

Inodded.“Yes,those.CanIhavethem?”

Hecountedthebills.“Eightybucks?”
Itiltedmychin.“It’sallIneed.”
WhydidIfeellikethebiggestliarinhistory?Ididn’tknowwhatitwasliketohaveonlyeighty

dollars.Ihadunlimitedfunds.JustbecauseIdidn’tshoporhadnoonetolavishgiftswithdidn’tmeanI
didn’tappreciatethefreedomofneverhavingtolookatapricetag.

“Needtodowhat?”Hecockedhishead,thehoodiestillcoveringhisgaze.
“Ifyoumustknow.Totaxihome.”
“Ah.”Hesaiditlikeafullstop.Asifitmadeperfectsensetothiseveningofnonsense.
Iwriggledmyfingers.“So...canIhaveitback?”
HeranmylanyardI.Dthroughhisfingers.“Let’stalkaboutthisfirst.”
“Whataboutit?”
“YournameisNoelleCharlston?”
“Whatofit?”
“You’renamedafterChristmas.”
Ihuffed.“I’mnamedafter—”Oneoftherichestfoundersinretail.Iheldmytongue.Ididn’tneed

thisrescuetoturnintoakidnappingforransom.

“Namedafterwhat?”HedancedtheI.Doverhisknuckleswithadexteritythatmademymouthgodry.

Astreakofbloodmarredthelaminatedphoto.

Isteppedtowardhim,despiteeveryneuronwantingtorun.
“MynameisElle.JustcallmeElle,givemebackmythings,andletmego.”
“Idon’tthinkso,Elle.Notyet.”
Ifroze.“Excuseme?”
“Youintrigueme.”
“So?”
“So,it’snotoftensomeoneintriguesme.”
“Why?”
Hemovedcloser.Hisbodyheatwasnoticeableinthechillyevening.“BecauseIdon’tnormallytake

thetimetoactuallytalktopeople.You’reanexception.”

Ididn’tknowifIlikedbeinganexception.Didthatmeanhemightdootherthingsthatwerean

exception—likehurtmewhenhe’dnormallyfreeme?

Nervesmademeshiver.Clampingdownonsuchweakness,myhandlashedoutandsnatchedmyI.D

card.“There.I’vetakenbackwhat’smine.Youcan’tgetmad.Itneverbelongedtoyou.”Myeyeslanded
onthemoney.“Givethatback,andwe’llgoourseparateways.”

Hesmiled.Histeethwerestraightandwhiteinthedarkscruffofhisbeard.“Idon’tthinkso,Noelle

Charlston.”

“Elle.”
“Okay,Elle.”Hetookanotherstep,ungluingshadowsfromaroundhimuntilonlyafootseparatedus.I

suckedinairashisblacksneakerscrunchedonloosegravelandhishandscameup.

Istiffened,waitingforhimtotakewhathisrunawaybuddieshadtried.Only,hisfingersdidn’t

connectwithme,theyconnectedwiththematerialofhisblackhood.Slowly,hepusheditawayandletit
fall,revealinghisface.

MylungsforgothowtoworkasIdrankhimin.
Fierceeyebrowsgaveexpressionandauthoritytotheintensityofhisdarkbrowneyes.Darkhair

borderingonblackcurledaroundhischeeks,forehead,andears,speakingofwildnessratherthantamed.
Hisstrongnoseandrefinedcheekboneswereperfectadornmentstothebeardborderinghislips.

Hell,thoselips.
Theyweresoftanddampandalmostkindwheneverythingelseabouthimlookedcruel.

I’dbeenaroundmenintheoffice,butallofthemwereeitheroverweight,older,orgay.I’dneverbeen

soclosetoanattractivemalesimilarinageandcompletelyruthlessinviolence.

Isteppedback,cursingthewobbleinmyknees.Iwantedtoputitdowntofear,butmystupidheart

saidotherwise.

Iwasattractedtohim.
Hereofallplaces.
Himofallmen.
Mybodyfoundhisutterlyappealingforthefirsttimeinmylife,andIhadnoideahowtodealwith

that.

Whatdidthatsayaboutme?
I’dnarrowlyavoidedbeinghurtandsomehowindulgedinanattractionforamanI’dmetintheworst

circumstances.

I’mnotnormal.
WhateverinterestIfeltcouldnotbetolerated.
Inarrowedmyeyes.“Whatdoyouwantfromme?”
Hesmiled,hismouthonceagainbewitchingme.“Notsureyet.”
Ipinchedmyself,tryingtogetmyrunawayhormonesundercontrol.Iwasn’tsomehornyteenager.I

wasaCEOwhoalmostgotmolested.Sowhathewasgoodlooking?

Thatmeansnothing!
Youneedtogohome.
Rightnow.
Steelingmyselfagainsthim—gratefulwhenmyheartstayedinanormalthud-thudandnotthedesire-

fueledflutterfrombefore—Isnapped,“Whatdoyoumean?”

Heshifted,kickingonelegoutforbalance.Itwasn’tanythingbutanadjustment,butitdrewmy

attentiondownhisbody.Tohowtallhewas.Howhisthighshapedthedirtydenim.Howheworemystery
likeanexpensivenewfashionmust-have.“Imean,there’ssomethingaboutyou.”

There’ssomethingaboutyou,too.
Eventhedarknessofthealleycouldn’tdetractfromthreethingsInoticedrightaway:
One,hewasentirelytoohandsome(orI’dbeenfartooshelteredtobealonewithhim).
Two,hehadanauraabouthimthatdemandedrespectthatwasn’tbornbutearned.
Three,hewasfilthybutdidn’tseemtocareasIfollowedastaininhishoodiethenascuffthenahole.
Hejuststoodthere,allowingmyinspectionasherepaidthefavor.Hiseyeshadfingers,trailingover

myskinwithgentlefeathers,forcingmetocatchmybreatheventhoughIremainedstill.

Oh,myGod,getagrip,Elle.
Yes,hesavedyou.
Yes,hewasbraveenoughtostopacrime.
Butthat’sallthereistoit,andallthere’lleverbe.
Youarenotasillygirlwhogetscrushes.
Timetogo.
Whateverthiswasmeantnothing.
Itcouldn’t.
Thingslikethisdidn’thappeninreallife,andtheycertainlydidn’thappeninmylife.
JustbecauseDadhadstoppedreadingmefairy-taleslongagodidn’tmeanIneededtofabricatesuch

ridiculousnessnow.

Iforcedmyselftolookathisface.I’dalmostforgottenwhatwediscussed,whichwasidiotic,and

crazy,andsounlikeme,panicwhizzedthroughmyblood,makingmecurt.“Money.Ineedit.”Iheldout
myhand,hatingthewobble.“Iwanttoleave.”

“Leave?”
“Yes.”
“Youcan’tleave.”
“What?”Myeyebrowsshotuprightasmypulsethrummedinmypunch-bruisedtemple.“Ofcourse,I

canleave.Iwanttoleave.Yousaidyouwouldn’thurtme.”

Hehelduphishand,oblivioustohisdirtynailsanddriedbloodonhisknuckles.“Easy.Youcango.

I’mnotholdingyoucaptive—Ididn’tmeanthat.”

“Whatdidyoumean?”
Hewaftedthemoney,makingthebillsflopinhisfist.“Imean...weneedtotalkaboutthismoney.”
Myhacklesrose.“Whataboutit?”
Heranhistongueoverhisbottomlip,distractingme.Hisgazelockedonmine,eitherawareofthe

reactionhecausedorseekinganswerstohisowncuriosity.

Hisvoiceloweredtoamurmur.“Isavedyourlife.”
“Youdid.”Myvoiceslippedtoawhisper,acceptingthequietnessalmostwithrelief.Tension

unwoundfrommyshouldersonlytospooltightagainashesaid,“Ithinkthegenerousthingtodoisoffer
meyourcash.”

Halfofmybrainknewwhy—he’dgivenmeaserviceandnothinginlifewasfree.Buttheotherhalf

wassobefuddled,sodrunkonhisbeard-coveredjawandkissablelips,Iwrinkledmynose.“Whatfor?”

Hecoughedwithathreadofannoyance.“Payment,ofcourse.Forsavingyou.Wejustagreedthat’s

whatIdid?”

Anotherinjectionofadrenalinefloodedmyveins.Inodded,woundupandjumpywiththewayhe

watchedme.“You’reright.Youdidsaveme.It’sonlyrightyouearnareward.”Iwouldn’tdenyhim
payment—especiallywhenitlookedasthoughhisclotheshadseenbetterdays.ButIalsocouldn’tfight
thesmallterrorofhowIwouldgethome.

Youwalkedhere.
Youcanwalkback.
Technically,Icould.Ijustcouldn’tenvisionwalkingthroughthecityafterwhathadjusthappened

withoutjumpingatshadowseverystep.

I’mnotcutoutfortheoutsideworld.
Ishould’vestayedinmytowerandplayedwithmycatandranmyfather’scompanylikeI’dbeen

groomedto.

HoodedManflickedthemoneywithhissparehand.“Great.Iaccept.Thankyou.”
“Thankyouforsavingme.”
Heflashedhisteeth.“You’rewelcome.”
Somethingswitchedbetweenus,removingthethreatofviolence,puttingusatanimpasse.
Hisshoulderssaggedalittle.Glancingatthemoney,hisfacedarkenedasiffightinganinternalwar.

Suddenly,heheldoutthebills.“Here,takeit.”

“ButIjustgaveittoyou.You’reright—”
Hisfingerslatchedaroundmywrist,whilehisotherhandslammedthenotesintomypalm.“Idon’t

wantit.”

Igaspedattheheatofhistouch.Atthewaymyskinignitedbeneathhis.Howthecrackleof

awarenessincreasedathousand-fold.Andthenitwasgoneasheyankedhishandsawayandbackedup.

Dragginghisfingersthroughhisblack-brownhair,hemuttered,“Ishouldgo.”
Herewasmychancetoreturnhomewithoutanymoremishaps.Icouldnodandagreeandwalkoutof

thealleytosummonachariottodrivemebacktomyrealm.

Buthisdespondencymademyfearswitchtoempathy.JustasI’dfedthehomelessmaninTimes

Square,Iwantedtohelpthisone,too.

Ifheisevenhomeless.
ForallIknew,hewasamaskedcrusaderrunningaroundthecity,gettingdirtybyhelpingwomenlike

mewhohadnorightbeingoutsolatealone.

Ibroachedthesmallspacebetweenus.“Itrulyamgrateful.”
“Iknow.”
Steelingmyself,Ileanedforwardandstuffedthebillsintothefrontpocketofhishoodie.
Suchabadmove.
Insidewaswarmwiththefaintgritofcrumbsandlife-dirtbutagainstthesoftmaterialwasahard

stomach,breathingfast.

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?”Hisvoicewasaspur,kickingmyheartintoafrenzy.
Iyankedmyhandfromhispocket,leavingthecashinside.“Iwantyoutohavethemoney.Inreturnfor

afavor.”

Hisfacetightened.“I’vealreadydoneyouafavor,remember?”
“Iremember.”Iglancedathisbloodyknuckleswhereafewhadswollenandbruisedwithinjury.

“WouldyouletmelookatyourhandsoratleastbuyyousomeTylenol?”

“No.”
Okay...
“Inthatcase,allIaskinexchangeforthemoneyisyoutoescortmehome.”
Home?
Whatthehellareyoudoing?
Icouldn’taffordtoletthisvagabondknowwhereIlived.Dadwouldbemortified.Ourfurnitureand

belongingswouldprobablybestolenoncehefiguredoutourdailyscheduleandknewwhenthehouse
wasvacant.

You’reanawfulperson.
HowcouldIthinksuchthingsafterhe’dsavedme?
Trust.
Ihadtotrusthim,despiteoutwardappearancesandcircumstances.
Believe.
Ihadtobelieveinmygutwhenitsaidhewasn’ttobefeared.
Iwantedhimtohavethemoneyoveragrouchycabdriver.Allhehadtodowaswalkmeback.
“Youwantmetotakeyouhome?”Hismouthparted.Hisfaceremainedinshadow,visiblebutstilla

mystery.“Areyouserious?”

“Yes.”
“Youwantmetoknowwhereyoulive?”
“Ifyouweregoingtohurtme,youwould’vedoneitbynow.”Iopenedmyarmtoincorporatethe

alley.“We’realone.YoualreadyknowI’mterribleatescape.Yetyou’vebeenaperfectgentleman.”

Hebarkedalaugh.“Gentleman?Right.”Hescrubbedhisface,highlightingthedirtonhisneckashe

lookedatthesky.“HowdoyouknowI’mnotjustdelayingmyattacktoputyouateaseandmakeyou
pliable?”

“Pliable?Whousesthewordpliabletodiscusshurtingwomen?”
Hesmirked,lipssmiling,eyesnot.“Me.”
“Andwhoisme?”
Hefrowned.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Iputmyhandsonmyhips.“Youknowmyname.What’syours?”
Hestumbledback.“You—youwanttoknowmyname?”
Wasthatabadthing?Hadhedonesomethingterribleanddidn’twantanyonetoknow?“Isn’tit

normalforstrangerstosharewithanother?That’showtheystopbeingstrangers.”

Hecoughed,rubbinghisnape.“NotwhereI’mfrom.”
“Whereareyoufrom?”
Hisshockfaded,smotheredonceagainwithacockyattitude.Hisshoulderscameup,proudand

standoffish.“You’renosy.”

Ibristled.“Onlymakingconversation.”
“Well,don’t.Let’sjustgo,shallwe?”Helookedaroundthealley.“Ihateplaceslikethis.”
Iwantedtoaskwhatsortofplaceswerethose,butIdidn’tdare.Instead,IfocusedonhowIcouldget

home.“Willyouwalkwithme?”

“YouthinkI’llprotectyou?”
Well,yes.
“Youdidbefore.”
“ThatwasbecauseIdon’tagreewithrapeandrobbery.NotbecauseIhaveaherocomplex.The

minuteyou’reoutofthisalley,youceasetobemyconcern.”

“Oh.”Ididn’tknowwhythathurtasmuchasitdid.Straighteningmyback,Isuckedupmyfear,

preparingtostrikeoutonmyown—likeIalwaysdid.“Okay,then.Well...howmuchdotaxiscosttogetto
UpperEastSide?”

Oneeyebrowraised.“YouliveontheUpperEastSideandhavenoideahowmuchtaxisare?”He

peeredharder.“Youdon’tjustworkinanofficeforminimumwage,doyou?”

Ididn’tknowwhy,butIwantedtomaintainmyidentityasalow-incomeearner.Ididn’twanttocome

acrossasbragging,orworse,rubbinghisnoseinit.Thelongerwetalked,themoreIsawwhathis
clotheshintedat.

Heeitherlivedroughordidn’thaveahome.Hewasn’tlikethehomelessmanIgavemydinnerto—

thismandidn’tsmell,andhisclotheswerecleanish(minusafewstains)eveniftheywerealittleholey.
Buthehadthatscrapperlookabouthim—aglareinhiseyes,speakingofmistrustandhardship.

“Let’sagreetokeeppersonalinformationsecret,okay?”Iasked.“Youdon’twanttotellmeyour

name.Idon’twanttotellyouanythingmore.”Iheldupmyhand.“Agreetotakemehome,andwewon’t
askquestions.Deal?”

Ittookalittlewhile,buthefinallyslippedhishandintomineandshook.
IttookeverythingIhadnottoreacttothedesirecracklingfromhispalm.
Hesmiled.“Deal.”

ChapterEight

NEWYORKWASanexcitingcitytoexploreonmyown.

Butexploringitwithanotherperson—someoneintenselyattractiveandutterlyunpredictable—was

oneofthemostincrediblethingsI’deverdone.

Tenminuteshadpassedsinceleavingthealleyandintenminutes,mypulsehadskyrocketedthen

equalizedtoasteadythrumofawareness.

Walkingbesidehimshouldn’tbesuchanadventure.Hewasjustaman.Thiswasjustacity.Butevery

footfallfeltdifferent.Everybreathandglanceandheartbeat.

Wenavigatedthecrowdstogether,pullingapartandre-joiningasthecurbbecamecongestedthen

empty.MidnightstrucktheclockinTimesSquare,remindingmemybirthdaywasofficiallyoveranda
newdayhadbegun.

Ishouldbeinbed.
IshouldcallDadtotellhimIwasokay,justincasehenoticedI’dnevercomehome.
Worrieslayeredme,takingawaythecomplex,not-entirely-understoodjoyofstrollingthroughthecity

atnightwithastrangemanatmyside.Ididmybesttoshovethethoughtsaway,buttheyremainedlikea
constanttoothache.

“Thisway.”Themansteppedoffthesidewalkandcrossedtheroad,keepinganeyeoutforoncoming

traffic.“Yousureyouwanttowalk?”

“Yes,I’msure.”
“Okay.”Hestuffedhishandsintohisjeanspockets,hisshouldersbunchedaroundhisears.He

couldn’tbecold.Theairtemperaturewasn’ttoobad.Although,Ihadshruggedintothebomberjacketand
zippedituptomythroattoreplacetheruinedtop,soperhapsitwascolderthanIgavecreditfor.

Afinelayerofsweatdecoratedmyspinefromwalkingathisquickpace.
Hedidn’tdawdlelikeIhad.Hemovedaheadwithlong,leggystrides,expectingmetokeepup.He

didn’tglanceatmeoraskquestions.Itgavemetimetostealglances,whippingawaymemoriesofhis
height,mannerisms,andhabits.

NotthatIcouldreadhim.
Hisbodylanguageremainedclosedoff;hisarmstuckedtight,jawclenchedfirm.Thebeardhidthe

bottomhalfofhisface,keepinghimpartiallymaskedandperplexing.

Eachstepgranteddifferentthoughts:recollectionsofwhat’dhappenedwithAdidasandBaseballCap

andwhatcould’vebeentheruiningofmybodyandmindifthey’dsucceededinrapingme.Followedby
thereliefthatthiscrypticwandererhadbeenthereattherighttimeandsavedme.

HowcouldIeverrepaythat?
Hehadn’tjustpreventedarobbery.He’dstoppedmefromturningintoadifferentperson.He’d

providedmewithshelterfromacrossroadsthatmight’veswitchedmyexistencefromBelleElleheiress
tomentallybrokendependant.

Iwouldn’thaveletitbreakme.
ButhowcouldIknowthat?IbelievedinmyselfbecauseofDad’stutelageandsupport.ButIwasstill

young.Nineteenwasnothingcomparedtotheyearsahead.Theyearsthismanhadgivenbacktomeina
selflessactofprotection.

Themorewewalked,thedeeperthedebtIhadtopay.ShockgavewaytorealizationofhowcloseI’d

cometobeingraped.Icouldstillbeinthatalley,beaten,bloody,destroyed.

ButI’mnot.
Heturnedintomorethanjustastranger;hebecamemyshield.AshieldIneededtorepaybyany

meansnecessarybecauseeightydollarswasnothingcomparedtowhathe’ddone.

Mythoughtskeptmebusyaswedidanotherblock,headingpastclosedstoresandanoccasional

drunkpedestrian.Isnuckglancesatmycompanion,growingeverdesperatetoaskquestionsandlearn
piecesabouthim.TotalktothemanwhoI’donlyjustmetbutwho’dimpactedmylifemorethananyone.

DidheknowhowgratefulIwas?
Didheunderstandwhathe’ddonebysavingme?
Ifhewerehomeless,Iwouldhelphim.
Ifhewerestruggling,Iwouldpayhim.
Alifeforalife.
Iwouldn’tstopuntilI’dsavedhisashe’ddonemine.
Hisdarkgazecapturedme.Turbulentanddeep,thepoolsofferocityandcalculationhidsofter

emotionsunderneath.Weweavedaroundthinningfoottraffic,linkedinsomekismetway,movingclose
andapart,tetheredwithsharedincident.

IhatedthatI’dalreadyliedtohim.ThatIhadn’ttoldhimmyrealprofessionandhiddenwhoIwas.

ButIlikedhimbelievingIwasnothingmorethananofficeworkerwithashoeboxforahome.Iliked
himthinkingIwasnormalandnotuntouchablelikealltheboysfrommyschoolhad.

Ilikethewayhelooksatme.
Likehefeltsomething,too.Somethinghecouldn’tunderstand—somethingthatwasn’tsexualor

chemicalornamed.Butsomethingtuggingustostaytogether,tochasewhateveritwasthatbouncedfrom
himtome.

Ismiledsoftly,droppingmyheadashisstarebecametoointense.Thehotblushonmycheekshinted

atmyinexperiencebutalsomyopennessaroundhim.IfIdidn’tfeelsomething,Iwouldn’tcarehowhe
lookedatme.Ifmytummyhadn’tturnedintoatrampoline,myheartdoublebouncingonmylungs,I
wouldn’tmindthetautsilenceslowlygrowingtightereverysecond.

MyfatherwouldbehappyI’dfounda...friend?
Dad’sfirmbutfairfaceappearedinmymind.
Oh,no!
Myhandswoopedtomythroattotouchthesapphirestarhe’dgivenme—thestarthatmademefeelso

closetohim.Theonehe’dboughtmeoutoflove.

Itwasn’tthere.
Myneckwasempty.
Theytookit!
Iforgottotellhimtogetitback.
Islammedtoastop,lookingovermyshoulderasmyfingersdancedalongmynakedcollarbone.Dad

wouldkillme!HewouldknowI’dbeenoutandmuggedbecausetherewasnootherwayIwould’velet
thatnecklacego.

Shit.
“Iseverythingokay?”Heslowedalittle,hisarmsrelaxingwithhandsstuffedinhisfronthoodie

pocket.

“Mynecklace.Theystillhaveit.”
Hestopped.“Whatnecklace?”
“Mybirthdaypresent.”Isighedheavily,theweightoftearsalreadycrushing.“Iknowasillynecklace

won’tmeanmuchtoyou,butitwassentimental.”

Hespreadhislegs,onceagaindrawingmyattentiontohowlitheandfasthelooked.“Youdidn’t

mentionitwhenIaskedifthey’dtakenanythingelse.”

“Iknow!”Igrabbedmyhair,twistingitwithnerves.“Iforgot.Itallhappenedsofast.”
“Ifitmeantsomuchtoyou,youshould’veremembered.”Histonewasn’tcondescendingorcruel,but

hiswordsbitintomelikewasps.

Iswallowedmysadness,embracinganger.“Itwasnew.Hegaveittomethismorning.”
“Andyou’resuretheytookit?”
“Ofcourse,I’msure.”Ispunaround,yankingmyhairoffmynapetoshowthecutleftbehindfrom

whenthey’dyankedthechain.“See?”

“Iaskedforyourbelongingstobereturned.”Hisfacehardenedasiftakingmylosspersonally.“They

returnedthem.”

“Iknow—”
“Begratefulyoudidn’thavetogiveupsomethingelseotherthanabirthdaytrinket.”Helickedhis

lips,sullenannoyancebrightinhisgaze.“Bytheway,happybirthday.”Heturnedandstalkedforward,
eitherexpectingmetofollowordoinghisbesttorevokehispromisetoescortmehome.

Hewasright,ofcourse.Asillygemstoneinexchangeforavoidingpain?Itwasasmallpricetopay.

ButmyGod,ithurttothinkofmyfather’sgift—mybeautifulsapphirestar—inthehandsofthosecreeps.
Beingtouchedbythem,sittingintheirgrimypockets,destinedtobesoldtosomeonewhowouldnever
knowitsorigins.

Dadwillhateme.
Guiltateatmewithsharpsilverteeth.MyfatherwouldunderstandifItoldhimthetruthaboutwhat’d

happened—ifIwasbraveenoughtoadmitI’dleftwithouttellinganyone.Hewouldforgiveme.

Butwhatwouldthismanthinkofme?He’drescuedme,andinsteadofbeingrelieved,I’dalmost

burstintotearsbecauseanecklacethatwasworthafewthousandhadbeentaken.

Alifewasworthmorethanabauble.Iwasn’tasillychildanymore.
I’dneverbeenasillychild.
Iwon’tstartnow.
Breakingintoajog,Icaughtuptohimandtouchedhisforearm.“I’msorry.ImadeitseemlikeI

wasn’tgrateful.ThatIwasblamingyoufornotgettingitback.”Ilickedmylips.“I’mnot.I’mjustsadI
letthemtakeit,butyou’reright.It’sonlyanecklace.”

Heslammedtoastop,hiseyeslockedonwhereItouchedhim.Heswallowedhard.“Youdon’thave

toexplaintome.”

“Yes,Ido.Ioweyou.Idon’twantyoutothinkI’msomesortofprincess.”
Heshifted,hismouthpursingashelookedmeupanddown.“Whatbirthday?”
Iblinked.“What?”
“Howolddidyouturn?”
“Oh,um—”Istruggledtotellhim.NotbecauseIwantedtokeepmyprivatelifeprivatebutbecause

hewasolderthanIwas.Helookedmid-twentieswithhardnessonlybornfromfightingeverydayofhis
life.Iwassoftwherehewassharp.Iknewhowtofightbutinboardroomsandonconferencecalls,noton
thestreets.

Hesighed.“Igetit.Youdon’thavetotellme.”Pushingaway,hecontinuedwalking;hisjeansscuffed

byhisdirtysneakers.

“No,wait.”Itrottedafterhim.“Iwanttotellyou.”
HepausedasIreturnedtohisside,comfortablebesidehimeventhoughIdidn’tknowhim.“Iturned

nineteen.”

Helaughed,lowandshort.“Wow,Iknewyouwereyoungbutnotthatyoung.”
“Howyoungdidyouthink?”

Hiseyestightened.“Twenty,twenty-one.”
“That’snotabigdifference.”
Hepushedoffagain,wedginghishandsintohispockets,revealingahabit.“Stillateen.”
Ididn’tletthatirritateme.“Howoldareyou?”
Aslightchucklesoundedashepulledhishoodbackup,hidinghisshaggyblack-brownhair,adding

yetmoreshadowstohishandsomeface.“Olderthanyou.”

Withthehoodandthenightsky,hisfacedancedonmymemory,alreadyfading—asifmyeyeshadn’t

capturedhisfeaturesenoughtoimprintlong-termrecollection.

Icrossedmyarms.“Tellme.Itoldyou.”
Heglancedatmesideways.“Twenty-five.”
“Sixyears.That’snotmuch.”
“It’senoughtogetsomepeoplethrowninjail.”
“Somepeople?”
Hetossedhisheadwithatightrollofhisshoulders.“Forgetit.”
Wewalkedinsilenceforamoment,myfingerstrailingonceagaintomynakedthroat.IhatedthatI’d

forgottenaboutmynecklace.ThatIhadn’ttakenstockandaskedforitback.DidthatmeanIwasn’t
worthyofsuchagift—ifIdidn’tappreciateitenoughtoremember?

Inarashdecision,Isaid,“Youknow,ifIhadrememberedtoaskformynecklace,itwouldn’thave

beenmineanymore.”

Hescowled,waitingformetocontinue.
“Itwould’vebeenyours.”
Surpriseflickeredoverhisobscuredfacebeforefinallysettlingintopoliterefusal.“No.”
“No?”
“Justno.”
Pricklesraceddownmyspine.Halfofmewantedtoforcehimtoaccepttheimaginarygift.A

sapphirecould’veconvertedtoshowersandmealsandaroofoverhisheadratherthandanglearoundmy
sillylittleneck.

Buthehunchedhisshoulders—notinaregretfulwaybutmoreregal,morehonorablethanI’dever

seen.“Idon’tneedyourfuckingcharity.”

Hiscursecutthroughouroddconversation.
Icouldn’tunderminehisgooddeedbyforcinghimtohypotheticallyacceptsomethinghewouldnever

have.ButhehadtoknowhowmuchIappreciatedhishelp.“I’llgiveyoumoremoneywhenwegethome,
okay?I’llmakesureyou’recompensated—”

“I’mnotafteryourdamnmoney,”hesnapped.“IfIwas,Icould’vedonewhattheydidandrobbedyou

wheretherewerenowitnesses.”

Thebusycityfadedaroundme.“Youwouldn’t.”
“Youdon’tknowme.”
“You’reright.Idon’t.”Iignoredmysuddenshiver.“Sotellme.”
“Tellyouwhat?”
“Whatdoyouwant?Whereareyoufrom?HowcanIreturnthefavor?”
Hebaredhisteeth.“Iwantnothing.I’mfromnowhere.Andyoucan’treturnit.”
Ididn’tlethisfistedhandsortautbodyswayme.“Wantingnothingisn’ttrue.Andyou’refrom

somewhere...butIgetifyouwanttokeepitsecret.Surely,there’ssomethingyouneed.”Iwavedmyarm
atthecongestedpavement.“You’renotwalkingforyourhealth.”Ipointedathisbloodyhands.“Talking
abouthealth,youshouldprobablyhavethoselookedat.”Imovedcloser,grabbinghiswristwithout
thinking.

Hestiffened.

Electricitysprangfromhimtomeandmetohimandeverywhichwayaroundusuntilwestoodina

webofsparksfromjustthesimplesttouch.

Hisjawclenched;hiseyesnarrowedanddark.Placinghishandovermineonhiswrist,heeverso

slowlypulledatmyfingersuntilmygripwasnomore.Droppingmyhandfromhim,hewhispered,
“Thereissomething.”

Ishookmyhead,lostandconfusedandsoscrambledIcouldn’tfollow.Henoticedthequestioninmy

eyes,answeringforme.“ThereissomethingIwantfromyou.”

“What?Whatdoyouwant?”
Heglancedawayasifhehadn’tmeanttosaythat.Forasecond,helookedlikehe’dboltintothe

crowdsandvanish.Butthenheclearedhisthroat.“Doyoutrustme?”

“What?”
Hischocolateeyeslockedonmineagain.“Doyoutrustme?”
“Ijustmetyou.”
“Doesn’tmatter.Yesorno.”
WhatshouldIsay?Thatyes,insomeweirdway,Ididtrusthim.Orno,Iwasn’tstupidenoughtotrust

someonewhobeatuptwoguysandthenkeptmelongerthannecessaryinanalley.

Heglowered,hisintensityonceagaincausinggoosebumps.“Yesorno.It’snothard.”
Slowly,Inodded.“Yes,Itrustyou.”
“Good.”Hewrappedanarmaroundmywaistandyankedmeoffthefootpath.Withoutaword,he

herdedmeacrosstheroad.Reachingtheotherside,heletmegobutdidn’tmovefaraway.

Sharedbodyheathummedbetweenus,growingthickerwiththingsIdidn’tunderstand.Thingsallso

newandforeignbutdesperatelywanted.“Wherearewegoing?”

“CentralPark.”
“What?”Islammedtoahalt.“Youcan’tbeserious.Noonegoesinthereatthistimeofnight.For

safetyreasonsandforsecurity.It’snotopen.”

Hegrinned;thestreetlightabovehimpaintedhiminagoldenglow,lookingpartangel,partdevil.“I

knowawayin.”

Ibackedup.“I’vechangedmymind.Let’sjustgohome.”
Hisfacedarkenedthensolidifiedintodetermination.“Youdon’tgettodothat.Youjustagreedtotrust

me.”Hesteppedforward,hischestbrushingmine.Thecheapmaterialofthebomberjacketrubbedthe
laceofmybra,makingmeachinglysensitive.Myneckbenttolookupathim,drinkinginthewayhishair
ranwildaroundhisface,andhisbeardmaskedhim,revealingonlywhathewantedtoreveal.

“I’lltakeyouhomeafterward.”Hishandcameup,brushingasideawaywardblondestrand,his

fingerskissingthesideofmyface.

Ijoltedbutcouldn’tmoveaway.Theconcretehadturnedintosuperglue.
BeforeIcouldreply,hedroppedhistouch,grabbedmyhand,anddraggedmetowardthewallof

CentralPark.

Helookedoverhisshoulderaswepatrolledtherockbarricade.Haulinghimselfup,heswunghis

legsoveranddroppedintonothing.

Idashedtothewallandlookeddown.
Inthedarkness,Ibarelymadeouthisshapeafewfeetbelow.
Hisheadtiltedtowardme,onceagaincloakedintheshadowsheseemedtoruleover,onlyhishands

andfacevisibleashereachedup.“Jump.I’llcatchyou.”

You’llcatchme?
Iwantedtoyell,buttheoccasionallate-nightdogwalkerontheothersideofthestreetkeptmequiet.

Thiswasillegal.Ididn’twanttogetcaught.ImaginethepublicityifthisgotoutthatI’dsnuckoutonmy

birthday,almostgotmolested,gavemydinnertoahomelessguy,thengallivantedaroundthecitydoing
badthingswithatotalstranger.

WhothehellamI?
Ishouldturnaroundandfindmyownwayhome.Ishouldhopinacabandpaythedriverwhenhe

droppedmeoffwiththepettycashthatwasstoredinthecloakroomuponarrivalatBelleElle.

Ihadsomanyoptions.
SoIhadnoexcusewhenIdeliberatelychosenoneofthem.
Islungmyjean-cladlegsoverthewall,inhaleddeep,andletgo.

ChapterNine

HISARMSWEREwarmsteel.

Hecaughtmeinmysemi-slideasIplummeteddowntherockwall.Hedidn’tmanagetocatchmy

entireweight,andmylegsjarredastheyhittheground,buthecradledmytorsowithinfinitesimal
gentleness.

Westayedlikethatforfarlongerthannecessary,swayingineachother’sembrace,somehowdeleting

thestrangerdangerandbecomingacquaintedinstead.

Heclearedhisthroat,movingback.
Ishiveredashisarmsunraveled,leavingmetomyowngravity,removinghimselffrommyorbit.
HewaiteduntilIhadmybalancebeforestridingintothegloom.“Nowthatwe’rein,keepaneyeout

forsecurityguards.”

Fearmultiplied.“Guards?Asinguardswithguns?”
“Probably.Doesn’teveryoneinAmericaownagun?”
Ihatedthathewasright.Evenmyfatherhadonelockedinacaseathome.Notthathe’deverusedit

—thatwaswhywehadbodyguards.

Thethoughtofhowdifferentourworldsweremademeself-conscious.WhatwouldhesayifI

admittedthatthebuildingglowingthebrightestonthehorizonwasmine?ThatIcrunchednumbersand
paidbillsonadailybasisvaluedatmorethanhe’dprobablyseeninhisentirelife?

Hedidn’tnoticemysuddenheavystepsasheslinkedthroughthefewbushesanddisappearedintothe

dark.

Followinghim,Ididmybestnottoimaginemonstersintheswayingfoliageandremainlevel-headed.

ImissedSage.Imissedherwhiskersandlong,silvertail.ImissednormalcyandaplacewhereIwasin
chargeandnottheuniversetakingmeonajeopardy-filledodyssey.

Butevenashomesicknessfilledpartofmyheart,freedomfilledtheother.ThelongerIwasinhis

company,themoreIfoundtheconfidencetobethegirlwhostooduptocrooksinnothingbutherbra.To
speakmymindandchaseafteramanwhodidstrangethingstomystomach.

Andaboveall,nottoembarrassmyself.
Whoevermyguidewas,hehadanairofaloofconfidencethatmadeitvitalhesawmeasstrongnot

weakifIwantedhimtonoticemeandnotjustpityme.

Wedidn’tspeakaswenavigatedthebushes.Afewlightshereandthereofferedillumination,while

theflashlightofasecurityguardpatrollinginthedistancemadeushugthetreeline.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iwhispered.
“You’llsee.”
Oursneakersscuffedthroughbrushandtwigs,soloudtomyearsbutnodoubtunnoticeableby

whoeverenforcedthelawsaboutbreakingintothisplace.

Poppingfromtheundergrowth,wedashedacrossapathandenteredagrassyfieldwithcaged

baseballcourtsunderthehalfmoon.

“Comeon.Hurry.”Heheldouthishand,guidingmetowardthesuperhighchainlinkfence.“Climb.”
“What?”Ipeeredintothestar-litsky.“Areyouinsane?”
Helookedoverhisshoulderasabranchsnapped.“Hurry.”Pushingmeupward,hedidn’tgivemea

choice.Hishandlandedonmyass,searinghisfingerprintsintomyflesh.Acometsomehowfellfromthe

darkvelvetaboveandlodgeditselfinmychest.

IttookeveryounceofconcentrationtoclimbwhenallIcouldthinkaboutwashisfingerstouchingme

wherenoothermanhadbefore.

Hefollowedme,scalingsomuchfasterwithexperience.Reachingthetop,heslunghisbodyoverand

justletgo.Hisblack-cladbodyfellwithallthegraceofajunglecat.

Ididn’thavetheballs.
Icrawledoverthetop—thankfultherewasnobarbwire—andclimbeddownafewrungsbefore

finallydroppingtothestablegroundbelow.Myfingerssmartedfromgrippingtheharshmetal.

HeshowednosignofbeingaffectedattouchingmeinanintimateplacesoIdidn’teither—even

thoughmyasscheekthrobbedasifhe’dspankedme.

“Won’ttheyseeusinhere?”Iglancedaroundforsecuritycameras.Ispiedoneaimedatthehome

diamond.“Wait.”Ihissed.

Heturnedaround,hiseyebrowarchedinquestion.
“Thecamera.”Icockedmychinatthelensglintinginthestarlight.
“Itdoesn’twork.”
Thewayhesaiditmadeitsoundasifheknewexactlywhyitdidn’twork.Sohe’savandalanda

vigilante?

Fightingmynerves,Ipacedafterhimuntilwestoodinthecenterofthefield.Allaroundus(outside

thechainlink)weremanicuredlawnsandsweepingtreestogivewatchersaspotofshadeonhotdays.

Onceinthemiddleoftheplayingfield,hefellintoacross-leggedpositionandtuggedmyhandtojoin

him.

Istruggledagainsthisweightforasecondbutfinallygaveinandjoinedhim.ThemomentIwas

sitting,hepushedmyshoulder.

Myabsclenchedagainsthispressure,tryingtostayupright.
Butitwasnouse.
Hiseyeslockedonmine,addingmoreauthorityuntilIgaveupfightingandfollowedhiscommand.

Downanddown,untilmyspinekissedthesoftgrass.

Myheartchuggedbloodlikeitwasstarving.
Untanglinghislegs,hereclined,slowlyslottinghisbodyalongmine,stealingmybreath,makingevery

cellspringintotinyknife-likebladesofsensation.

Hisgazelandedonmylips,drawingawarenessandconcentrationintooverpoweringlevels.Myhead

swamwiththepossibilityofhimkissingme.Hisgazehooded,hisownthoughtsofkissingmecoatinghis
face.

Ididn’tknowhowIfeltabouthimkissingme.WouldIlethim?WouldIscream?
IhatedtoadmitthatIwouldlethim.ThatI’dprobablykisshimback.Thatdespitemywariness,I

trustedhim,andifIwasgoingtodosomethingasrecklessaskissatotalstrangerunderthemooninthe
middleofCentralPark,itwouldbethisnamelessman.

Isthiswhathemeantwhenhesaidhewantedsomethingfromme?
DidhethinkIwaseasy?
Asurething?
Evenwithsuchawfulthoughtsinmyhead,mybodydidn’tbuyintotheshame.
Mychinarched.Ilickedmylips.Theworldstoodstill.
Heswayedcloser,proppinghimselfuponanelbowtohoverhisfaceovermine.
OhGod,he’strulygoingtokissme.
Myfirstrealkiss.
SomethingIwouldrememberfortherestofmylife,regardlessifIremainedaspinstertoBelleElle

ormarriedamanwhowouldalwaysbesecondbesttomycareer.

Butthen...hestopped.
Pullingback,heshookhisheadandlaybackdown.“WhatthefuckamIdoing?”Cradlinghisheadin

thepalmofhishand,helookedupatthemoon.Fortheshortestglimpse,atorturedneedglimmeredinhis
gazethendisappeared.

Isuckedinamuch-neededbreath,tryingtodecidewhatthehelljusthappened.
Mymouthwentdry.Mychestfulloffeatheredwings.JitterstookovermymotorskillsasIreplayed

thealmost-kissoverandover.

Afewminutestickedpast.
Thegrassrustledashesatup,digginghishandintohishoodiepocket.
Pullingfreeawrappedchocolatebar,heglancedatmewithafaintglintofpossessionandindecision.
Mystomachgrowledatthesightoffood,remindingmeIhadn’teatensinceamouthfulofspicybeef

burrito.Hesmirkedatmynoisytummythencourteouslybutreluctantlyofferedmethechocolate.“Here.
YousoundhungrierthanIam.”

Myhandcameup,acceptinghisgift.WaitingtomakesureIhadholdofit,hedroppedhisarm.He

sighedheavily,findingithardtotearhisgazeawayfromthechocolateandfocusonthemoon.

Hisownstomachgurgledquietlyasheplacedasplayedhandoverhiswaistandpresseddown.
Everythinginsidemehurt.Thevulnerabilityofhiminthatmoment.Thegenerosityofgivingupthe

onlyfoodhehad,eventhoughhewasmostlikelystarving.Iworkedwithpeopleonadailybasiswho
wouldratherthrowoutentireplattersoffoodthandonateittothoseinneed.ThenewsonTVwasfullof
greedandcrueltyandrichassholesthinkingonlyofthemselves.

Andthentherewashim.
AmanIdidn’tknow.AsaviorI’donlyjustmet.Butsomeonewhohadaprofoundeffectonmeinthe

hourwe’dbeentogether.

Hesighedagain,swallowinghardashefinallytorehisgazeawayandlookedatthestars.
Whenwasthelasttimeheate?Wheredidhegetacandybar?Whenwasthelasttimehe’deaten

anythingmoresubstantialthanjustchocolate?

MyhungerturnedtoindigestionasIdidmybesttoguesshisstory.Hisbodyhunchedashisstomach

stoppedgrowling.Hissneaker-coveredfeetwerethreadbearandrubber-worn,speakingofsomany
milestraveledandnosanctuaryfound.Thesilverglintofthemoonplayedontheblackofhishoodie,
makingitseemasifhedressedinliquidmercury.

MyhandsshookasIopenedthecandybarandslowlyunwrappedit.Hisjawclenchedatthenoiseof

thewrapper.Thesoftrustlingofgrasshintedhewasn’tasrelaxedasheappeared.Thetensionrippling
offhimwasthatofastarvingwolfwantingtoattackitspreybutfindingrestraint...barely.

Icouldn’tstopstaringathim.Couldn’tstopmyheartfrompushingthroughmyribstogotohim.To

demandhisname,hisbackground,toknowhowhehadsuchapoweroverme.

Whatisthis...magic...betweenus?
Wasitlikethisbetweenanyboyandgirl?Wasthedesiretocuddlecloseandlistenasmuchasthe

needtocurlcloseandkissthebasisof...dareIsayit...attraction?

Iscoffed.
Attraction?
Whatdoyouknowaboutattraction,Elle?
You’reaclosetromanticwhoknowsnothingbutspread-sheetsandmerchandise.
Iwasanidiottobelievetherewassomethinggoingonbetweenus—knownorunknown,uniqueor

mundane.

Thechocolatebarmeltedalittleinmyfingers.Mytummychurned;IdidtheonlythingIcoulddo.I

hadtoaccepthisgiftnow;otherwise,hewouldknowIsuspectedhewashomelessandhungryandwould
nevertoleratemypity.

ButIcouldn’teatitallbecauseifhewashomeless,whatelsewouldhehave?Howlongwouldthat

eightydollarslasthiminacitythatwassoexpensivejusttosurvive?

Tearingthechocolateinhalf,Isatupandplacedhishalfonhisknee.“Thankyou.”
Hiseyesfoundmineashishandlatchedoverthecandy.Hisgazedancedovermyface,lips,and

hands.Hisfingerscurledalmostunconsciouslyaroundthechocolatewithaferalgleam,justdaringmeto
takeitaway.

Slowly,henodded,acceptingthatIknewthingshedidn’twanttosayandagreedtoeatbecause,if

nothingelse,therewastrustbetweenus.

Igavehimsomespacebylookingaway.
Takingmytime,Inibbledonthechocolate,nougat,andcaramel,doingmybesttofocusontasterather

thanmyphysicalawarenessofhim.

Itwasimpossible.
Theentireevening—fromtheperfumedpark,tothedewygrass,tothesilentmaninhalinghalfa

chocolatebar—searedonmymindlikeanold-fashionedphotograph,developingfromblurredtosharp
withhastycapture.Amemorycreatedbythisman,thisnight,andthissugaryconfectionery.Iwouldnever
againwalkthroughCentralParkwithoutrememberinghimorhowmuchhe’dshakenupmyinnocent,
boringworld.

Takingtinybitestomakethetreatlastlonger,Ididn’texpectconversation.Sowhenasoftmurmur

interruptedthesilenceofthepark,Ijolted.

“Doyoucomehereoften?”
Iwantedtogiggle.Itsoundedlikeacheesypick-upline.Hedidn’tcrackasmileorsoften.Hewas

serious.

Ilookedathimthroughthewaterfallofblondehairthat’dfallenovermyshoulder.He’dalready

finishedhisdinner(orwasthatbreakfastorlunchoramidnightsnack?)Onceagain,theshadowsofhis
beardandthesilver-lightmadehimseemmysticalandnotquitereal.Toohandsometobereal.Toomuch
tobereal.

Iswallowedmynervesandchocolate.“NotasmuchasIwouldlike.”
“Why?”
“BecauseIworkallhoursoftheday.Irarelygettoleavetheoffice.”
Heshiftedhiseyesfromtheopenfieldtothetallbuildingsinthedistancewiththeirglowing

windowsandadultobligations.BelleEllewasthebrightestjewel,mockingme,tellingmetocomehome.

“Doyoulikeit?Beingcoopedupalldaywithnofreedom?”
Ishrugged.“Whotrulylovestheirwork?”
Hedidn’treply.
“Igetsatisfactionfromdoingajobwelldone.IlikeknowingI’vedonesomethingworthwhile.”I

lookeddown.“Soyes,IguessIdoenjoyit.”

Hekepthisattentiononthebuildings,glaringatBelleElleasifhealreadyknewitownedmylifeand

soul,andthatwhateverthiswas,itwasnothingcomparedtocontractsandlifetimelegacies.“Itmustbe
nicetoaffordexpensivethingslikebirthdaynecklaces.”

Ilickedmyfingersfreeofmyfinalbiteofcandy.“Doyouknowmuchaboutjewelry?”
Hethrewmeacausticlook.“I’mnotcompletelyignorant.JustbecauseI’m—”Hecuthimselfoff,

returningtostareatthecityscape.“Iknowenough.”

“I’mnotsayingyoudidn’t.”
“Justdropit.”
“Foryourinformation,Ididn’tbuythatnecklace.Itwasagift.Ididmentionthat.”
Hetensed.“Fromaboyfriend?”
“WoulditbotheryouifIsaidyes?”

Helaughedharshly.“Whywoulditbotherme?”
Ishookmyhead,mycheekspinkinginembarrassment.IhadnoideawhyI’daskedorwhyithurtso

muchthathe’dfoundmyquestionfunny.“Noreason.”

Icouldn’tlookup.Thegrasswassuddenlyincrediblyinteresting.Ipluckedafewblades,running

themthroughmyfingers.

Outthecornerofmyeye,Isawhimtwistslightly,hisfacehidden.Slowly,hishandcameup,his

fingersnudgingmychin.Ididn’twanttolookathim,buthispressuregavemenochoice.

Ilethimraisemyhead.OureyeslockedandbreathingbecameataskIcouldnolongerperform.
“Doyoutrustme?”
Itrembledashisfingersslowlyunfurledfromguidingmyheaduptolinkingaroundmynape.
Icouldn’tspeak.
Imanagedthesmallestnod.
Hisfingerstightened,pullingmyfacetowardhis.Isuckedinashallowbreathashisgazedove

deeperintomineandhistonguewettedhislips.“I—Iwon’thurtyou.”

Hiswhisperlandedonmymouthjustbeforehepulledmehard.
Ourlipsconnected.
Ifroze.
Thescentofgrassandstrangemalehitmynostrils.Thewildnessofopenskiesandmidnightmademe

uninhibitedandfree.Myeyesgrewheavy,closingoftheirownaccordasheaddedpressuretothekiss,
tiltingmyheadwithhisgripbehindmyneck.

Igaveupeverycontrolwithoutathought.Myspineturnedtowater.Myinsidestosteam.
Hegroanedalittle,understandingmysubmissionevenwhenIdidn’t.
Scootingcloser,hislipsparted.Thetipofhistonguedartedouttotestme.TesttoseeifItrustedhim

enoughtolethimkissmeinanemptypark.Trusthimenoughnottogotoofarorhurtme.

IansweredbackintheonlylanguageIcurrentlyknew.Mylipsopened,mytonguehesitantlytouching

hiswithtruth.Theexplosionofchocolatemadememoanundermybreathashelickeddeepinsidemy
mouth.

Hedidn’thesitate.
Therewasnosloppinessorconfusion.Hishandheldmesteady,hismouthworkedmine,andevery

partofmeflaredwithdrowning,darkdesire.

Heshifteduntilhiskneesnudgedmine,hisarmwrappingaroundmywaist,deletingthespace

betweenus.TheawkwardnessofsittingondampgrasswrappedinamanIdidn’tknowdidn’tstopthe
heatofthekissfromescalating.

Ourtonguesmetandretreated.
Ourlipsslippedandconnected.
Witheveryheartbeat,weincreasedspeedanddepthuntilIlostcontroloftherestofmybodyand

foundmyfingersinhislongdarkhair,tuggingthelengths,learningthestrandsweren’tsoftlikesilkbut
thickanddreadlockedwithneglect.

ThatIwaskissingapotentiallyhomelessmandidn’tstopmefromwantingmore.Grabbingafistfulof

hishair,Ipulledhimdemandinglyintome.

Heswayedcloserthensnapped.Hepushedmebackward,forcingmetoliedown.ThemomentIwas

horizontal,helaydownbesideme.Onelegpressedovermine,histhighdeliberatelygoingbetweenmy
legs.Hisbodyweightpinnedmedown.

Itriedtofight,doingmybesttoholdontosomeresemblanceofdecency,butthemomenthelayhalf

ontopofme,wedgingourbodiestogetherasifthiswasexactlywhatwewereborntodo—withhis
erectionagainstmyhip,andhisarmaroundmywaist,andhistongueinmymouth,andhistouchonmy
neck...Igavein.

Iwasn’tafraid.
Iwasn’tlost.
NotlikeIwasanhouragowhentwomenpressedtheirunwantedpiecesofanatomyagainstme.This

man...Iwantedhimto.ThismanIdidn’tknowbutsharedanintoxicatingconnectionwith.

Lightsflashedinmyeyesashistonguedovedeeper,dragginganothermoanfromeverycreviceleft

insideme.Iloopedmylegaroundhis,archingmyhips,pressingagainsthishardness,feelingmyself
swellandheatandmeltandyearn.

Hegroanedlongandlowasourhipsfoughttogetcloser.ImpatienceI’dneverfeltbeforesuddenly

hateddenimandzippersandrules.

Nineteenandneverbeenkissed.
Iwoulddoitalloveragainifthiswasmyfirsttruesexualexperience.Ifeveryfireworkgoingoffin

myeardrumsandeyelidswasbecauseofhim,Iwouldgladlybecelibatefortherestofmydaysto
deservemore.

Becauseofhim,Iwasunhingedandgrindingwithinsanity,givingintomadnessI’dneverunderstood.
Howhadmynightendedlikethis?
Wherehadthisspontaneitycomefrom?
Thisrecklessness?
Myteethcaughthisbottomlip,draggingasliptideofviolenceandneedfromhim.Hegrowledinto

mymouth,nippingandlickingexactlylikethestarvingwolfIthoughthewas.

“Fuck,what—whatareyoudoingtome?”Hisbreathlessgruntdidthings.Glorious,deliciousthings.

Hisvoicecreatedknotsandbowswithmyinsides.Itfilledmystomachwithwhirlwinds;itaffectedmy
coreuntilmypantiesgrewasdampasthegrasswelayupon.

IlovedknowingIaffectedhimthewayheaffectedme.Adoredthatwewereinthiscrazinesstogether

—trippingintowhateverrabbitholewe’dfoundanddecidingtokissandkissuntilwesplattedagainstthe
bottom.

Hishandsroamed,skatingovermysides,keepingtotheboundariesofpleasure.Iarched,twistinga

littletointercepthisfingersastheyswoopedupandfoundmybreast.

Webothgasped,stealingoxygenfromeachother’slungsandsharingamoan-filledshudder.Myhands

feltempty—Ineededtotouchsomethingofhis.SomethingI’dnevertouchedbeforeanddidn’tknowhow
butIwantedto.So.Damn.Much.

Lightsappearedagain.Iwasdeliriouswithneedbutwithnoexperienceorknowledgeonhowto

relievesuchdesire.

Iwantedhimtodosomething.Touchsomething.Removethistinglingsparklingsupernovadeepinmy

belly.Buthetorehislipsfrommine,hisheadflyingupwardinarainofmessyhairandsmeared
chocolate.

“Shit.”Hepulledaway,leavingmybodywantingandunsatisfied.“We’vegottogo.Now!”
Thelightswerebrighterwithmyeyesopen.
Itwasn’thim.
Itwassecurity.
“Hey,you!”Aflashlightshonedirectlyonus.
Kissingforgotten,hejumpedtohisfeetandgrabbedmyhand.Hehauledmeeffortlesslyuprightand

yankedmeintoarun.“Go!”

Ididn’thesitate.
Mysneakersdugintothegrass,propellingmeasfastasIcould.
“Stop!”Thesecurityguardgavechase,hisflashlightbouncingerratically.Heskirtedtheoutsideofthe

baseballfieldbutmostlikelyhadkeysashejoggedbreathlesslytowardthestandsratherthantrytoout-
runusasweboltedfortheothersideofthefence.

Reachingthechainlink,thenamelessmanI’djustkissedgrabbedmyhipsandboostedmeafootinto

theair.“Climb.Fast.”Hisvoicewasn’toutofbreathbutthrobbedwithurgency.Herippledwiththeneed
tobolt.

IclutchedthemetalandscurriedasfastasIcouldwithmyshoesbarelyfittingintotheholes.The

fencewobbledashescaleditfasterthanIcould,swingingoverthetopanddroppingdown.

“Comeon!”hehissed.
Iclimbedfaster,curlingmyselfoverthetop.
Hepacedbelow,holdinghisarmsout.“Jump.I’llcatchyou.”
“What...again?”Thathe’dalreadydemandedtocatchmetwiceinourshortrelationshipalmostmade

melaugh.Hadweformedhabitsalready?

Hysteriaatbeingchasedmadejumbledemotionsrunriot.Laughterbecamenervousness.Attraction

becameanxiety.

“Doit,Elle.”Histonegavenoargument.
Thesecurityguardhadvanished,butitdidn’tmeanhewouldn’tpopupanysecond.Clingingtothe

otherside,Iloopedmyfingerstight.

“I’mhere.”Hebracedhislegs,waiting.
Givinghimonelastglance,hopingtoGodhewasamanofhisword,Isqueezedmyeyesandletgo.
Thefallsetmystomachtanglingwithmythroat.Ilandedawkwardlylikeabridewho’dfallenfrom

thealtarintohergroom’sarms.

Hegrunted,pullingmyhorizontalformintohisembrace.Hestumbledbutdidn’tdropme.Oureyes

met;ahalf-smirkhijackedhislips.“Couldn’tstayawayfromme,huh?”

Iswattedhisshoulder.“You’retheonewhotoldmetojump.”
Hisfacedarkened.“I’malsotheonewhokissedyou.”
Aflashlightappeared;agarbledshoutwascloser.
“Shit.”Heletmylegsgo,swingingmetovertical.Theinstantmyfeettouchedtheground,hegrabbed

myhandandyankedmeforward.

Weran.
Airandspeedandnight-sky.
Moreflashlightsappearedfromotherendsofthepark,dancingwithraysofrighteousnessasback-up

guardsarrived,chasinguslikehounds.

“Oh,myGod!”Iyelled.“Whatdowedo?”
“Keeprunning.”Hepulledmeforward,slippingintoafastergear.
Iwasn’tunfit(thankstomyregulargymsessions)butIcouldn’tkeepupwithhispace.Mylungs

burned.Mymouthopenedwide,gulpingatunhelpfulair.

Asecurityguardappearedtoourleft,burstingfromthenight-shroudedbushes.Behindhimranfour

meninuniform.

Police.
Holyshit.
Whyarethepoliceinvolved?
Wehadn’tvandalizedpropertyorhurtanyone.We’dgoneforastrollandkissedunderthemoon.What

wassowrongwiththat?

“Fuck!”Namelesssqueezedmyhand,doinghisbesttodragmefaster.“Comeon!”
Ishookmyhead,stumbling,dragginghimback.“Ca—can’t.”Tuggingonhisgrip,Ididmybestfor

himtoreleaseme.“Mylegsarecramping.Letmego.”

“No.”Hisfingerslockedtighter.“Iwon’tletyougetarrestedbecauseofme.”
Arrested?

Thatawfulwordandterrifyingimplicationsgavemeafinalshotofenergy.IranasfastasIcould,for

aslongasIcould.Theflashlightsslowlylostgroundbutthenspeduptomatchus.

It’snouse.
LacticacidbuiltupandupuntilIlimpedratherthanran.Hehadnochoicebuttoeitherletmegoor

slowdown.Ididn’twanthimtoleave,butIalsodidn’twanthimtofaceasituationhedidn’tneedto.

“Goon.”Igasped.“Run.I’llcatchup.”
Hegloweredatmylie.“Youwon’tcatchup.They’lltakeyouintocustody.”Hepunchedasaplingas

wesprintedpast.“Fuck!Thisisallfuckedup!”Sweatglistenedonhisbrow,hisblackhoodstreamed
behindhim.Thesoftslapsofourshoesonthepavementmatchedourraggedbreathing.

Hewasn’tafraidofareprimand.Hewaslividatbeingcaught.Iwassureweweren’tthefirsttojump

thewallandfindsomeprivatetimetogether.Hewaswrongtothinkwe’dbearrested...surely?

Butitwasmorethanthattohim.Whateverexistencehelivedwasadangerousone.Ididn’tknow

whathesurvived,yetherehewas,pullingmeforwardonfalseenergygrantedfromhalfachocolatebar.

Ihadnorighttogethimcaught.NotwhenIhinderedhimwhilehetriedtodotherightthingby

keepingmesafe.Forthesecondtime.

Hedoesn’tevenknowme,yethe’sclaimedresponsibilityforme.
Myheartlurched,doingitsbesttoforceoutlacticacidandprovidelife-grantingbloodtomy

sufferinglegs.ButIwasdone.Therewasnothinglefttodobutstopandacceptthepunishment.

“Listen!”Ituggedagain,plantingmyfeettocreatedrag.“Yougo.I’mslowingyoudown.”
“Shutup.Justtrustme.”Hedidn’tlookbackorletgo.“Run!”
Ihadmoneyforlawyersifitcamedowntobeingarrested.Hemostlikelydidn’t.Icouldn’tbe

responsiblefortakinghisfreedomaway.

“No!Justletmego!”
Lookingoverhisshoulder,heeyedthepoliceslowlycatchingup.Adecisionflashedinhisgazejust

beforehisfeetchangeddirectionandhehurledmeintothebushesoffthepath.

Wecrashedintobranchesandleaves.Theworldbecameanevergreenmaze.Butthenheshovedmy

backagainstatrunk,wedgedhisbodyagainstmine,andkissedmesodamnhard,socrazilythorough,I
suffocatedfromrunningandkissingandeverydangerouspassionhepoureddownmythroat.

Myhandscameup,clutchinghishoodieashistonguetangledwithmine,knottingandlicking,stealing

everylastbreathIhad.

Pullingaway,herestedhisforeheadonmine,aroguishsmilereplacinghisgrimace.“I’mnotletting

yougo.I’veonlyjustfoundyou.”AtendernessglowedinhisbrowneyesthatI’dneverseenfromanother
otherthanfamily.

Mykneestrembled.“Youdon’tevenknowme.”
Heplacedawhisper-kissonmymouth.“Idon’thavetoknowyou.Ifeelyou.”Hishandslowly

threadedupmyside,takinglibertiesI’dgivenhiminamomentofinsanityonabaseballfield.

Neverlookingaway,hecuppedmybreast,runninghisthumbovermyflesh.
Imoanedalittle,myjawgoingslackasdesiresprangthick.
Hekissedmeagain,stealingmycry,pressinghishipsagainstmine.“Ifeelyoulikethis.”Hesqueezed

mybreastsoftly.“AndIfeelyoulikethis.”Herockederotically.“ButIfeelyoumostofallwiththis.”
Histouchclimbedfrommybreasttomyheart,pressingdownovertherapidlybeatingmuscle.“Idon’t
carethatIdon’tknowyou.Iknowenough.”

Ididn’tknowwhattosay.
Thiscouldn’tbereal.
Howhadmynightgonefromalleyrobberytobush-filledkisses?HowhadItranscendedfromlonely

workaholictofallingforamanI’donlyjustmet?Amanwholivedontheoppositescaleofmeinevery
littlething.Wealthandpoverty.Safetyanddanger.

“Comehomewithme.”IfIwereolderwithmyownapartment,thatinvitationwould’vereekedwith

sex.ButIwasn’tolderanddidn’tlivealone.Myneedforhimtobewithmewasn’tjustaboutmebuthim,
too.Iwantedtoprotecthim,shelterhim—togivehimabetterchancethantheworldhadsofar.

Hechuckled,brushinghismouthovermine.Deliberatelyignoringmydemand,hemurmured,“You

askedmebeforeifIwould’vebeenpissedifaboyfriendgaveyouthatnecklace.”

Istiffenedthenmeltedashistonguelickedminesweetly.“Theanswerisyes.Iwould’vebeenfucking

pissed.”

Myfaceburned.Mylipstingled.Icouldn’thelpmystupidgrin.“Itwasmyfather.”
Hishandlashedout,draggingmyfacetohisforanothermessyhalf-violent,half-tenderkiss.Isucked

inabreathasthesameintoxicatingarousalbillowed.Ibithisbottomlip.Hegroaned,nippingmeback.

“Thisiscrazy.”Ihuggedhimclose.
“Allthingsworthfightingforarecrazy.”Hekissedmyforehead.
“ButIdon’tevenknowyourname—”
Andthenwewereflying.
Somethingheavyandbrutalknockedussideways,tacklingusasaflashlightsplitthroughour

sanctuaryofbushes,showingthesilhouetteofahulkingsecurityguardashethrewustotheground.

Twigsslicedthroughmyjacket,pebblesanddirtsmearedmyhands,andNamelessgruntedinagony

asanotherguardlandedontopofhim.

MyshoulderscreamedasIrolledincorrectly.Theearlierpunchtomytemplepoundedinsympathy,

makingtheparkswim.

CursewordsandlimbsflewasNamelessfought.“Getthefuckoffus!”
“Easy,kid.”Anotherguardappeared,grabbingaflailingfoot.“It’sover.Giveitup.”
Themanwho’dlandedonmeslowlystoodup,toweringwithsmugvictoryonhischubbyface.“Can’t

run,girl.You’resurrounded.”

Iglowered,scootingcloserinthedirttoNamelesswhilehepunchedandfought.
“Lethimgo!”Iclamberedtomyknees,whackingthebackofsomepudgyguyinahigh-visjacket.

“Getoffhim!”

Myarmswerepinnedbehindmyback.
“Giveitarest.”Someonehauledmeupright.“Don’tassaultasecurityguard,ma’am,unlessyouwant

toaddthattoyourmisdemeanorstonight?”

Itriedtospin.Butthemanwhoheldmegavenoleeway.Yankingmebackward,hesaidtoNameless,

“Don’tbeahero.You’reoutnumbered.Stopwastingtime.”

MyeyesconnectedwiththemanI’dkissed.Heceasedfighting,turninglimpratherthanscrapping

withthesecurityguard.Wedidn’tlookawayasapoliceofficersteppedforwardandduckedtograbhis
wrists.

Withasharpsmile,Namelessswungonce,twice,thengaveup.Alasthoorahratherthananattemptat

escape.Hisheaddidn’tbowashisarmswereyankedbehindhisbacklikemine,andthesharpclickof
handcuffsbeingfastenedinterruptedthenight.

Hebreathedhardasthepoliceofficerjerkedhimtohisfeet,notcaringhalfthegardencamewithhim

inatumbleofdriedleavesanddirt.

Thesecurityguardwho’dlaunchedonhimstoodtoo,limpingalittlebutwithacruelsneeronhisface

atwinning.

Weweremarchedoutofthebushesandmadetostandonthepathwaywherejoggersandpram-

strollerswouldwalkinafewhourswhenthesunrose.Fornow,itwasaprocessingplaceforillegal
canoodling.

MyheartthunderedasItwistedmywristsinthecoldmetalimprisoningme.Tearingmygazefrom

Nameless,Iglancedatthepoliceofficerlurkingclosetohiscaptive.“Please,youdon’thavetoarrest

us.”

Anotherpoliceofficerwithgrayinghairandaheavyartillerybeltrubbedhisjaw.“See,that’swhere

you’rewrong.Trespassingisaseriousoffense.Asisindecentexposure.Plentyofcrimescommitted
tonight.”

“Indecentexposure?”Iscoffed.“When?”
“Makingoutinapublicplace.”
“That’snotillegal.”
“Isawhimfeelingyouup.”Asecurityguardwithasweatyfacegrunted.“Whoknowshowfaryou

would’vegoneifIhadn’tinterrupted.Sexonabaseballfield?That’sapunishableoffense.”

Mycheekspinked.Ididn’twanttodiscussanythingtodowithsexwiththeseidiots.“That’syour

wordagainstours.Wewouldnevergothatfar.We’renotsavages.”

“Speakforyourself.”Namelesschuckled.“Youcanargueuntilyoupassout,Elle,butyouwon’t

win.”Henarrowedhisgazewithhateattheguards.“Iknowthelaw,andthelawdoesn’tgiveashitabout
thetruth.”

“Watchyourmouth,son.”ThecopwiththeheavybeltpointedinNameless’sface.“You’realready

fucked,soIwouldn’tbeaddinganymoreammunitiontoyourfileifIwereyou.”

File?
Wait,hehasafile?
Shakingmyhead,determinednottoletquestionsundermineme,Ilookedattheofficerwhoseemedto

beincharge.“Look,we’resorry.Canwejustpayafine?”IlookedatNameless,sufferingsuchguiltthat
he’dsavedmefrombeingraped,givenmeoneofthebestexperiencesofmylife,andnow,hewouldbe
imprisonedallbecauseIcouldn’trunfastenough.“Letusgo.Ipromisewe’llleaveandnevercome
back.”

“Nocando,littlelady.”Thepoliceofficerwithhisheavybeltwhisperedtoacolleague,noddingto

somethingsaidontheradioclippedtohislapel.

HesmirkedatNameless.“Accordingtoreports,youwereseenbeatinguptwomenearliertonight.

Theysaidtheyfoundyouabouttorobandrapeayoungwoman,andtheytriedtostopyou.Fortheir
troubles,youalmostbrokeoneoftheircheekbonesandcrackedaribortwo.”

“Bullshit.”Mykisserbaredhisteeth.“Iwastheonetryingtopreventthemfromdoingthat.”He

cockedhischinatme.“That’sthegirltheyweretryingtohurt.”

Theofficersandsecurityguardsallraisedaneyebrow.“Isthistrue,ma’am?”
Ishrunkalittlebutnodded.“Yes.Hesavedme.”
“Savedyou?”Theofficercoughed.“Savedyouandthenbroughtyoutoaclosedparktodowhat?”
Iswallowed.“I’mveryawareofhowthislooks,buthe’sright.Wemetwhenhesavedme.They—

theyweregoingtohurtme.”

“Andhewould’vehurtyouifwehadn’tappeared.”
“No,that’snottrue.”
“Youdon’tknowhimlikewedo,miss.”
Apoliceofficercameovertopatmedownwhileanotherpattedmysavior’sbody.Myheartstopped

whentheyfoundtheeightydollarsinhishoodiepocket.

“Didn’trobyou,huh?”
“That’smine,fuckface.”Namelessfoughtagainstthehandcuffs.
“Ofcourse,itis,”theleadofficersaid.“Howmanytimesdoweneedtotellyou,lyingonlymakesit

worseforyou?”

Ifroze.
Howmanytimes?
Howmanytimeshadhefacedsituationslikethis?

Itriedtocatchhiseye.Toapologize.Buthekepthisglareontheofficerwhopocketedtheeighty

dollars.Themoneythatcould’veboughthimabettermealandaroofforanight.

Anotherpersonarrivedonthescene,hisheavyfootstepsfamiliarevenbeforeheappearedinthe

flashlightglowofthesecurityguards.Ishould’veknownhewouldturnup.Hehadapolicescannerand
hadmostlikelybeenlookingformeeversinceIdidn’tcallforhimtodrivemehome.

Myshouldersrolled,wishingIcouldmeltintotheconcreteanddisappear.
HeflashedhiscredentialsIknewstatedhimasex-marineandintheemployofmyselfandmyfather.

DavidSantos,mydriver,bodyguard,sometimespersonalassistant.

Shit.
Hethrewmeaquickglancethenfocusedhisintenseblackgazeontheleadofficer.Hisbarrelchest,

largearms,andblacksuitthatmatchedhisebonyskinsoakedupthenight.“I’mhereforMs.Charlston.
She’sdonenothingwrong.”

Thepoliceofficerstandingbesidemeargued,“She’sbeencaughttrespassing—”
“Wait.”Theleadagentsteppedforward,shininglightontomybodyguard’sidentification.Hethen

beamedtheflashlightatmyface.“Whatdidyousayhernamewas?”

“Charlston.NoelleCharlston.”Davidgroundhisteeth.“Ringanybells?”
Iwasgratefulhewashere,butIdidn’twanthimtofightthebattlesI’dlost.
“David,it’sfine—”
“Bequiet,Ms.Charlston.Letmehandlethis.”Hestoodtaller,hisglovedhandsclenching.“From

BelleElle?”

Theleadofficerstiffened.“Wait,Joe’sdaughter?”
“Theoneandthesame.”
Theofficerpaused.
Asecondlater,heordered,“Releaseher.”
Instantly,thehandcuffswereunlocked,andIwaspushedforward.Ishottothesideofthemanwho’d

savedme,kissedme,andgivenmethebestbirthdaynightoutIcould’veaskedfor.“Whatabouthim?”

Anofficerlaughed.“Oh,he’scomingwithus.”
“Butyou—youcan’t.Hesavedme.Hedidagoodthing.Don’tpunishhimforjumpingafenceand

enjoyingapark.”

Theofficersmirked.“Oh,we’renotarrestinghimbecauseofthat.”
Icouldn’tlookawayfromNameless’face.Mylipsachedtokisshimagain.Hiseyesroamedoverme,

fullofthesametenderaffectionandalmostawestruckattractionfrombefore.IhadtobenearhimuntilI
figuredoutwhatthismeant.Whatthiswasbetweenus.

Theycan’ttakehimaway.
“Thenwhy?”Idemanded,livingindaydreamsoftakinghimhome,givinghimtheguestroomto

showerandrest,cookinghimblueberrypancakes,andintroducinghimtoDadinthemorning.“Hehasn’t
doneanything.”

Theofficer’slaughedasifallinonajokeIhadn’theard.“He’sdoneplenty.”
“Hehasmultipleoutstandingwarrants.Tonightisourluckynight.”JerkingNamelesstohisside,the

leadofficeradded,“He’sgoingawayforalongtime.”

Namelessmerelyhunghishead,hisjawworkingwithaviolentedge.
“Youcan’tdothat.”
Thecop’sfacedrewwithannoyance.“Ithinkyou’llfindwecan,Ms.Charlston.Now,ifyouknow

what’sgoodforyou,you’llgohomewithyourguardhereandforgetallaboutthisone.”

HeshookNameless.“SaygoodbyebecauseIdoubtyou’llbeseeinghimagain.”
Imovedforward—todowhatIdidn’tknow.Tokisshim,runawaywithhim—somehowfixthis,soit

didn’tendthisway.

Hesmiledsadly.“Dowhathesays,Elle.Gohome.”
“Ican’tgo.Notwithoutyou.”
“Youknowthewaynow.Youdon’tneedaguidetowalkyou.”
Ishookmyhead.“Thatisn’twhatImeant,andyouknowit.”
Hechuckled.“Yousaidityourself.Itwastoocrazytobetrue.”
Iachedtograbhishand,tohughim,butwithsomanypairsofjudgingeyesonus,Ifroze.Thatwould

beoneofmybiggestregretsinlife.ThatIdidn’treachoutwhenheneededmethemost.“Please...tellme
yourname.I’llgetalawyer.We’llfightthesestupidclaims.”

“Allright,time’sup.”Anofficermarchedforward,grabbingNamelessaroundtheelbowand

dragginghimaway.

Tearssprangtomyeyes.Uncertaintyandfearspiraledatthethoughtofneverseeinghimagain.

“Please!What’syourname?”

Namelessstumbledfromanothershove,hisgazeneverleavingmine.Helookedsadandpissedand

lostandresigned.Somanyemotionsallatonce.“Itwasfunwhileitlasted.”

“Tellme!”
Buthemerelygavemeaharshsmile,tryingtomaskthegriefonhisface.“Ireallyenjoyedkissing

you,Elle.”

Andthentheofficerturnedhimawayandmarchedhimintothedarkness.

ChapterTen

THEDRIVEHOMEwasoneofthehardestthingsI’deverlivedthrough.

Daviddidn’tsayaword;hemerelydrovewithironconcentrationandastutesilence.Hedidn’task

questions.Hedidn’taskforareportfromthepolice.HejustescortedmefromtheparkasifI’dcomeout
ofBelleEllelikeanormaleveningafterwork.

Hedidn’tcommentabouthowI’dbeencaughtwithaman.Hedidn’tspeakatallapartfromtotellme

tobecarefulclimbingintothebackseatoftheRangeRoverSport.

PullinguptothebrownstonewhereIlived,hecuttheengineandjumpedout.Amomentlater,he

pulledopenthedoorformeandnoddedinthedarkness.“Haveagoodnight,Ms.Charlston.”

“Thankyou,David.Youtoo.”
Ididn’taskifhe’dkeepthistohimself.Myfatherwouldknow.Iwouldn’tbeabletokeepmynight-

timewanderingsasecret.ButatleastneitherofthemwouldknowaboutthealleyandhowI’dmet
Nameless.

HenoddedagainandhoppedbackintotheRangeRover.
IkeptmychinhigheventhoughmyheartsputteredatthethoughtofwhatwouldhappentoNameless.

Washeinprisonnow?Wouldhegototrial?Whatsortofwarrantsdidtheyhave?

MyquestionswouldhavetowaitbecausethesecondIclimbedthestepsandenteredthehomeIwas

raisedin,myfathergrabbedmeinaboaconstrictorhug.

“Oh,holyhell,Elle.Wherethebellshaveyoubeen?”
Icouldn’tevenribhimforhisweirdexpressionstonight.Isqueezedhimback,drainedandconfused,

lostandsad.“I’mokay,Dad.”

“Youranaway!”Hepulledback,disappointmentandhurtbrightinhiseyes.“Whywouldyoudosuch

athing?Andonyourbirthday,noless.”

Ishruggedoutofhisembrace.“Ididn’trunaway.”Ikickedoffmysneakersandpaddedintotheliving

roomwherehintsofmymotherstillexistedeverywhere.Fromthepristinecreamlinencouchestothe
whitegauzedrapedaroundthewindowbay.Ababygrandpianosatinthecornernexttotheornate
fireplacewhileknickknacksfrommyparents’travelslitteredsidetablesandcoffeetablesinacluttered
butdesignerway.

Mypianolessonsflitteredintomyheadasmyfingersplayedanimaginarychord,givingmesomething

tofocusonwhenallIwantedtodowasburstintotears.

Dadfollowed,throwinghimselfintohisoverstuffedchairthat’dlongsincecompactedandwrinkled

fromhisweight.“Wherewereyou,Elle?Yousayyoudidn’trunaway,butyouwerefoundinCentral
Park.Atonea.m!Doyouknowhowdangerousthatis?”Hiseyescastoverme.“Andwhatthehellare
youwearing?”

Damn,Davidhadalreadytoldhim.
IlookedattheblackbomberIcouldn’tunzip;otherwise,he’dseemytorntopandbruises.Myskinny

jeanssmearedwithdirtandchocolate.Iwassofarremovedfromthedaughterheknew.Thedaughter
wholivedinfashioncatalogsandhadnightmaresofChristmassalestocksbeingtoolow.Ishouldn’tbe
daydreamingaboutamanwhotastedlikecandyorakissbeneaththestarsonabaseballfield.

Hadthatreallyhappened?
Wasitreal?

Isighed,knowingIhadtogrovelbeforeIcouldaskwhatwouldhappentoNameless.“I’msorry,Dad.

I—Iwantedtoseewhattheworldwaslikeforsomeonewhowasn’tanheiress.”

Hesuckedinabreath.“Why?”
“BecauseI’mnineteenandneverexploredthecityonmyown.BecauseI’mrunningabillion-dollar

companyandneverbeentoapartyorgossipedwithgirlsorkissedaboy.”Ilookedup,pleadingwithhim
tounderstand.“Iwantedtobenormal...justforafewhours.”

Hesighed.
Silencefellashereclinedheavilyintohischair.Whateverangerhehadblewitselfout.
Thatwasmydad.
Herarelyexploded,andwhenhedid,itdidn’tlastlong.Guiltsatevenworsebecausenowhisanger

hadgone,hissecond-guessingandregretburrowedthroughme.

Iinchedtotheedgeofthecouch,gettingclosertohim.“Iwascomingback.Themanwhowas

arrestedwaswalkingmehomesafely.”

“Arrested?”Hisheadsnappedup.
“Yes.Ithinkhe’shomelessandprobablyhasafewcrimesofstealingtoeat.Buttonight,hesaved

me.”Iwouldn’tgointothedetailswithmyfather—hedidn’tneedthosementalimagesofmetrappedand
scaredtohaunthim,orworse,usethemagainstmeifIevertriedtoleaveonmyownagain—butIdid
needtofightforthemanwho’dfoughtforme.“Hewasanuttergentleman,Dad.Hewaskindandalittle
roughbutoverallsomeoneworthyofbeinggivenachance.”

Ilinkedmyfingers,squeezingtighttoovercomemynervesandpushahead.ItwasatrickIusedinthe

boardroomwhenfiringadepartmentheadiftheywerefoundembezzlingornotdoingtheirjob.

Icouldnevershowweakness.
Ever.
Tonight,I’dshownweakness,andit’dalmostgottenmerapedandamanlockedup.
“Weneedtohelphim.”
Dadfrowned.“Help?How?”
“Weneedtohirealawyer—gethimgoodrepresentation,soheisn’tincarcerated.”
Hescowled.“Ifhecommittedthecrime,it’sonlyfairhesufferstheconsequences.”
“Doesn’thedeservesomeonetofightonhisside,though?Idon’tknowhisnamebutIdoubthehas

anyone.Hesavedme.TheleastIcandoistrytodothesame.”

“Youweregallivantingaroundthecitywithaman,andyoudidn’tknowhisname?”Hegroaned,

shakinghishead.“Whatwereyouthinking?”Hestoodsuddenly,rubbinghisfaceasifindenial.“Elle,
you’vehadalongnight.I’mgoingtobed,andIsuggestyoudothesame.Sageisinyourroom.Icollected
herfromtheofficewhenIwenttocheckonyouandfoundyouweregone.”

Hisguilttripworked.Islottedmyselfintohiswearyarms.“I’mso,sosorry.Ishould’vetoldyou.”
“Yes,youshouldhave.”Hehuggedme,althoughreluctantly.
ButifIhad,youwouldn’thaveletmego.
Hespokeintomyhair,nodoubtsmellingspicybeefburritosanddangerousalleys.
Iwasgladmylonghaircoveredthebruiseonmytempleandwhateverothercallingcardsthosethugs

hadleftwerehiddenbeneathmyclothes.

“Iknowthisismyfault,keepingyousoshelteredandburiedunderwork,butmyGod,Elle,Inever

expectedyoutogochasingafterthefirstboywhoshowedinterestinyou.Aboywhowasarrested,for
goodness’sake.”

Ismartedwithshame.“It’snotlikethat.Hewasn’tjustanyboy.Hewas—”
WhenIdidn’tcontinue,hesighedsadly.“Hewaswhat?Afriend?Asoul-mate?Ateenagecrush?”He

pinchedhisnose.“Elle,Iwillneverstandinthewayofyoufindinglove.Iwantyoutofindlove.Nota
daygoesbythatIdon’twishyourmotherwasstillalivetoteachyouhowvaluablelovecanbe,butI

won’tpermityoutothrowawayeverythingyouhavewithastupidinfatuationoveracriminalwho
doesn’tdeserveyou.”

“Dad...don’t—”
Hiseyesdroppedtomythroat.Painarrowedthroughhim,followedbyrage.“Whereisyour

necklace?”

Ijolted.
“Tellme,Elle.ThesapphirestarIboughtyou.TheoneIspenthoursdeliberatingover.TheoneI

boughtbecausethebluematchedyoureyesandthestarsymbolizedhowmuchyoumeantome?”Hisfists
shook.“Whereisit?”

Ilookedatthebeigecarpet.“Ilostit.”
Thelieturnedtopasteonmytongue,butitwasbetterthanthetruth.Betterforhimtoblamemethanto

thinkofhisgiftinthepossessionofheartlessthieveswhomeantmeharm.

“ForGod’ssake,Noelle.”Heshookhishead,tirednessetchinghiseyes.“Notonlywereyou

irresponsiblewithyourselfbutwithyourgift,too.Ifyouplannedonusingtonightasademonstrationthat
youwerecapableofspendingsometimealoneawayfromthecompany,consideritafailure.”Hisvoice
deepenedwithauthority.“UntilyoucanproveyouarestilltheconsideratedaughterIraised,Idon’twant
youleavingthishousewithoutDavid,doyouhearme?”

Mytearsturnedtoanger.Heatsmokedthroughmetoargueback.TotellhimjusthowsuffocatedIfelt,

howlonely,howlost.ButI’dalreadyhurthimtonight,andnow,he’dhurtme.

Wewereeven.
Ismiledtight,hidingeverything.Webothhadmoretosaybutwouldn’tverbalize.Hewas

disappointedinme.Iwasfrustratedbyhim.

Itwasbesttogotobedbeforeweutteredthingswecouldn’ttakeback.
“Goodnight,Dad.”Imovedaroundhimandleftthelivingroom.“I’msorryaboutthenecklace.”
AsIclimbedthesweepingstaircasetomyroomonthethirdfloor,mymindreturnedtothemanwho

tastedlikechocolateandhadhandsthatcouldtouchsosweetlybutalsocausesuchviolence.

Iwouldneverforgethim.
Andtomorrow,IwoulddowhatIcouldtohelphim.
Becausehe’dhelpedme,andinsomecrazyway,he’dclaimedmyyoung,naïveheart.
Iwouldgethimfree.
Nomatterhowimpossiblethattaskwouldbe.

ChapterEleven

THREEYEARSLATER

“DON’TFORGET,YOUhavethatdinnermeetingwithyourfather,Mr.Robson,andhissontonightatthe
WeepingWillow.”Fleursmiled,hoistinganotherarmfulofcontractsandfinancialportfolios.

Iremovedmyreadingglassesandtookthefoldersfromher.TheheavythudasIplacedthemonmy

deskricochetedthroughme.“Yes,Iremember.”

AndIwantnothingtodowithit.
Forthepastyear,myfatherhadusedeverybusinessmeetingwithhisright-handman,SteveRobson,

totrytosetmeupwithhisson.HethoughtIcouldn’tseethroughhistricks,butthewayhekeptfinding
excusesforustobearoundeachotherwasn’tsubtle.

“Anythingelse,Ms.Charlston?”
“No,thankyou.Pleasedon’tputanycallsthrough.Ihavetoomuchworktofinish.”
“Ofcourse.”Turninginherprettypurpledress,Fleurleftmyoffice.Herwardrobewassmartbut

flirty,remindingmethatoutsidethethickglasswindowsexistedsunandheatandsummer.

Ihadn’tbeenawayfromanair-conditionedbuildingformorethanafewminutesatatimeformonths.

IfIwasn’tbeingdrivenfromofficetooffice,Iwasinstorewarehousesorshop-frontsordoingmybestto
catchuponsleep,thatforsomereason,hadbecomeelusiveforthepastthreeyears.

Eversincemyonenightoffreedom,sleephadevadedme.Dreamsnevercame.Nightmaresvisited

often.ThedamnguiltbecauseIwasn’tabletohelphimerodedmedaybyday.

Yousaidyouwouldn’tthinkabouthimanymore.
Isaidthateverymorning.
Andbyeverylunchtime,Ifailed.
ThebestI’dbeenabletodowasrealizehowstupidlyidealisticI’dbeen.Mydad,blesshisheart,had

helpedshowmethatitwasn’tNamelesswhoIthoughtI’dfalleninlovewiththatnightbuttheideaof
love.

Noonecouldfallforastrangerinafewhours.Especiallyagirlwho’dbeenattackedandmolested

andthencorralledintobreakingandenteringanationaltreasure.Mynervesandadrenalinewould’ve
heightenedeveryexperience,makingitsomuchmorethanwhatitwas.

I’dreadintothings.I’dimaginedtheheatbehindthekissesandpaintedaperfectromance,when

really,allthere’dbeenwasadirtyboyandabaseballfield.

That’sall.
IrecognizedmyselfforwhatIwas.
Iwasyoung,fanciful,andDadwasentirelyrightthatworktookprecedentoverasillyinfatuation.
Hewasnothingtome.
Justamanfrommypastwhotookmyfirstkiss.
Gotit,stupidheart?
Isankheavilyintomychair.MyelbowsstabbedintothedeskasIrestedmyheadinmyhands.Even

now,withallmypeptalksandconclusions,Istillfeltguiltyfornotdoingmore.

That’swhyIthinkabouthim.
NotbecauseIstillbelievedweweremeanttobe,orthecrazinessbetweenuswasserendipitous,but

becauseI’dfailedandlefthimaloneinaprisonthatnodoubttookwhatevergoodwasleftinhimandspat

himoutcold,cynical,andcruel.

Ihadn’tliveduptomyoath.
Alifeforalife.
He’dsavedme.
AndIhaven’tsavedhim.
Formonths,I’dtriedtotrackhimdown.I’dcalledthepolicestations,thecountyjails,evenafew

lawyerswhoworkedprobonotoseeifthey’dbeengivenhiscase.

Butnothing.
Ihadnonameandonlyavaguedescription—hamperedbyhisbeard,thenight,andhishoodie.
Thepictureinmymindwasofmysteryandinfatuationratherthanacrystalimagehelpfulforsketch

artistsorexplanations.

Itwasasifheneverexisted.
ButIknewhedidbecauseIstillthoughtaboutthesapphirestarnecklace,andeverytimeIsnucka

pieceofchocolate,Namelessexplodedintomymind.Ishouldgetoverit.Itwasonenight.Anineteen-
year-old’sstupidcrush.

Iwasmorematurenow.
Overworkedandcompletelywrungout.Sagewasgettingolder,butshestillcamewithmetothe

officeeveryday,stillpurredonmylapwhensumsandfiguresmademyheadspin,andstillcuddledwith
meinbedwhenlonelinessforalifeI’dneverhaveovertookme.

Twoyearsago,whenmyfatherhadhadaheartattack,Igaveupmyadolescentimmaturityandno

longerresentedmyrole.Thedoctorssaidhewouldgetbetter,butheshouldstepdownfrombeingthe
boss.

TheLastWillandTestamentI’dsignedcameintofulleffect,andheplacedmeasthesolecontroller

withthemajorityshareofourstocksandthefinalsayonalldecisions.

TosayIwasscarytomenofmyownagewhenIwasjustanheiresswasonething,buttodatenowI

wasaconglomeratecommanderwasutterlyimpossible.

Dadbelievedinlove.
Ididn’t.
NotbecauseIdidn’twantitbutbecausemylife’sworkhadstolenthatpossibilityfromme.Ihadto

acceptthatIhadnotimeforromance,nopatiencefordating,andnoprospectsatpartnershipotherthan
businessexpansion.

Iwassoluckycomparedtomost.
Loveisasmallpricetopay.
Ilivedandbreathedformycompany,andontherareeveningsIhadoff,Dadwasdeterminedtoplay

matchmakerwithmeandGreg—Steve’sson.

Itdidn’tmatterthatIhadnointerestinGreg.
Ididn’tcarehewasonlythreeyearsolderthanIwasandheldabachelor’sinbusinessfromYale.He

wasdryandhumorlessandtheexactoppositeofSteve,who’dbeeninmylifefromthestartwithhis
quirkynicknamesandjokeswhenIstartedrunningBelleElle.

Hewasmyuncleineverywayapartfromblood.
GregwastheunwantedcousinwhoIwishedwasrelatedtomesoIhadalegitimatereasonfor

denyinghisadvances.

Sagenudgedmyankles,meowingsoftlybeneaththedeskwhereshehungoutinherbasketfullof

blanketsandstuffedmice.

“Yeah,yeah.Iknowhe’sonlylookingoutforme.”
DadwantedmetomarryandfindapartnertohelprunBelleEllewith.He’dmetMomwhenhewas

twenty,andit’dbeenloveatfirstsight.Hecouldn’tunderstandwhyIwasstillsovery,verysingleat

twenty-two.

Itobviouslydidn’tcrosshismindthatIwasapowerfulwomaninastillsexistworldwheremen—

eveniftheydidn’tcomeoutandadmitit—wereemasculatedbyawomanwithabiggersalarythanthem.

MythoughtsremainedtangledasIdiligentlyworkedthroughthereportsonourHongKongdivision

beforeFleurknockedonmyofficedoor,wrenchingthroughmyconcentration.

“It’ssixp.m.Youneedtoleaveinthirtyminutes.”
“Wow,really?Ithoughtitwastwop.m.onlyfiveminutesago.”
Shegiggled,herlongbrownbraidjigglingoverhershoulder.“Likeyoualwaysdowhenyougetinthe

zone—youlosttime.”Shewaltzedinwithadry-cleanersbagcoveringablackdress.

Placingitonthearmofmyrolledleathercouch,shesaid,“Idon’tknowwhyyoudon’tletmebring

yousomethingmorefunandvibrantfromtheshopfloor.Ihaveasneakingsuspicionyou’dlookgreatin
green.”Sheheldupherhandstomakeaframearoundmyface.“Arichemerald.Orperhapsadeep
sapphirelikethatstaryoukeepsketchingwhenyou’reonthephonewithsuppliers.”

Iwavedheraway.“Blackisfine.”
“Blackisallyoueverwear.”
“Blackisbusinessandno-nonsense.”
“Butlifeisn’t.”Shesmiledsadly.“Lifeisfunandchaos.”Backingtowardtheexit,sheadded,“You

shouldrememberthatsometime....”SheleftbeforeIcouldfireher—notthatIeverwouldbecause
withoutherandSage,IwouldhavenooneIcouldactuallytalktowhowasn’tmyfather.

Iglaredattheblackdress.
Iwouldn’tlieandsaywearinganothercolorwouldn’tbefun,butIdidn’thavetimeforfunor

shoppingorfashion.Ididtheworksootherpeoplecoulddothosethingswhileleavingtheirmoneyinour
cashregisters.

Sighing,Irubbedthebackofmyneck,savedmyprogress,andclosedmylaptop.
Sageslunkaroundmyankles,knowingtheroutineandthatworkwasoverfortheday.“We’renot

goinghome,I’mafraid.”

Herlittlefacepouted,herwhiskersdroopingfromhertinynose.Pickingthesilvercatfromthefloor,

IplacedheronmydeskasIstoodtoprepareforthisshamofadate.

Ikissedhersofthead.“Don’tlookatmelikethat.Atleastyougettosnoozeinthecar.Iactuallyhave

totalktothejerk.”

Shestuckhertongueout,coughingwithahairball.
“Yes,exactly.Ifeellikevomiting,too.”Headingtothecouchtocollectthedreadeddress,I

murmured,“Thesoonerthisdinnerisover,thesoonerIcangohomeandforget.”

Andtrytodream.
Ofbeingnineteenagainandkissingamanwithnoname.

ChapterTwelve

THERESTAURANTWASpackedasusual.

Fridaynightwasthenighteveryhigh-poweredsuitlikedtobeseenattheWeepingWillow.Theeatery

hadopenedfouryearsago,andinthattime,ithadcreatedanameoffinedining,utmostdecadence,anda
ginbarwithmoreselectionsthananyotherinNewYork.Theypridedthemselvesonexpensive,exclusive
liquors.Andevenhadabottleofginvaluedattenthousanddollarsashot.

Ridiculous.
“Ah,thereyouare!”DadstoodasIapproachedthereservedtableattheback.Theboothglitteredin

deepturquoisewhileachandelierrepresentingthebranchesofawillowtreeweptoverthecirculartable.

“Hi,Dad.”Ikissedhischeek,happytoseehehadcoloronhisfaceandatwinkleinhiseye.Even

thoughthedoctorshadtoldhimhehadtotakeiteasy,hedidn’t.Hestillpulledlonghoursinhisoffice
acrossthehallfrommine.Andhestressedhimselfoutbyoverthinkingmyfutureandlackoffamilyifhe
suddenlydied.

Hewasalotofthingsmyfatherbutthreewordstodescribehimwasacuddlyteddybear.Hehada

habitofignoringpracticalitiesinorderforhappinesstorule.

“Youlooklovely.”Hegrabbedmyhand,forcingmetospin.
Theblackdresswhirledaroundmykneecapswhilethespaghettistrapsclungfordearlifetomy

shoulders.Thebodicehuggednicely,butoverall,itwasasimplestyleinasimplecolor.

ItwasoneofBelleElle’sbiggestsellers—notbecauseofhowwellitwasmadebutbecauseitwas

theperfectbackdroptoshowoffaccessories.Gauzyscarfslookedgreatwiththespaghettistraps,
necklacesearnedprimerealestate,andevenbigearringspolishedittorunwayclassratherthanhigh
streetclone.

Tonight,theonlyaccessorizingI’dattemptedwasadarkblueshawlandalickofeyeshadowwith

thickermascara.Myblondehairhungdowntomytailbone.Allmyenergywasspentonthecompany,not
onmyself,andIdidn’tparticularlycareifitshowed.

IswallowedagroanasGregstoodupandkissedbothmycheeks.Hishandlandedonmyelbow,

slightlyclammyandannoyinglyclingy.“Youlookgorgeous,Noelle.”

Ihatewhenhecallsmethat.
Ihadn’tbeenNoellefordecades.
IwasElleofBelleElle.
Thequeenofretail.
Iforcedasmile.“Thankyou.Youdon’tlookbadyourself.”Inoddedinapprovalathisblackslacks

andonesizetoobigforhimdinnerjacket.Thelapelswereembossedwithvelvet.Onanyotherman,it
wouldprobablylookdistinguishedandsexy.Butonhim...killmenow.

Notthathewasugly—farfromit.Greghadgreatdarkblondhair,chiseledfeatures,andatrim

physique.Whatlurkedbeneathhislookswaswhatturnedmeoff.Therewasno...connection.Nospitfire
orchocolatesmoke.Andsometimes,justsometimes,Isensedadarknessinhimthathadnothingtodo
withmeconstantlyturningdownhisrequestsforadate.

Hehadacoldnessthatmademewaryeventobealonewithhiminpublic.
Mostofthetime,Ichalkedupmyoverimaginationtotheslighttraumafrombeingdraggedintothe

alleyallthoseyearsago.

Ihadtostopreadingintothingsandimaginingtheworst.
IlookedaroundGregtohisfather,Steve.“Hiya.”
Stevedidn’tbotherunwindingfromtheboothbutblewmeanairkiss.Hishairhadturnedwhiteover

theyears,buthissenseofhumorneverdriedup.“YoulookasprettyasthatBarbiedollyouusedtolove
beforeSagecamealong.”

Irolledmyeyes.“DidyoujustcallmeaBarbie?Inpublic?”
Heshrugged.“Hey,it’snotderogatory.Justsayingyouhaveatinywaist,niceboobs,andblonde

hair.”Heranahandoverhiscasualgrayblazer.“Lookatme,I’mtheperfectKen—oratleast,Iwasa
fewyearsago.”

Ilaughed,forcingmyselftorelaxeventhoughGregstillhadn’tletgoofmyarm.
Myfathersavedmebytuggingmetohissideandpushingmeintothebooth.Iwentwillingly,trapped

betweenSteveandDad,facingGregacrossthetable.

Somethingrubbedmyankle.
MyeyesshottoGreg’sgreenones.Turnedout,Iwasn’tfarenoughawaytopreventhimplaying

footsies.IkeptthesamesmileIusedonassholesintheboardroomplasteredtomyface,eventhoughI
wantedtostabhisfacewiththesteakknife.

“So,Elle,youworkinghardtomorrow?”Greggrinnedconspicuouslyashisfootstompedonmytoes.

“Wanttogoseeamovieorsomething?”

Thewaiterbroughtourdrinks—thejoyofbeingknownandregularsatthisplace.Theserverplaced

neatwhiskeyinfrontofmyfatherandSteve,aginandtonicforGreg,andavirgindaiquiriforme.

JustasI’dneverbeenfreesincethenightImetNameless,I’dneverbeendrunk.Notthatliquordidn’t

appealtomebutthefactthateachdayIstartedworkbeforethesunrolledoutofitssoftcloudybed,Ihad
notimeforahangover.

Oneday,afewpiecesofthelaceskeepingmestraightandnarrowwouldsnap,andthenI’dderailand

causeuntoldpaintomyfatherbybeingstupidlyirresponsible.Iwoulddrinktoexcess,sleepwitha
stranger,andcallinsickforasolidweek.

Butthatdaywasnottoday.
“Iworkhardallthetime,Greg.”Ibattedmyeyelashessweetly.“I’mafraidIneverhavetimetodo

thingslikegotothemovies.”

“Whataboutawalk?”
“Thattoo.”
“CarriageridethroughCentralPark?”
Mysmilefaltered,rememberingthearrestandsubsequentdisappearanceofthemaninCentralPark.

“Definitelytoobusyforthat.”

Dadcoughed.“Now,Elle.You’remakingitsoundlikeI’maslavedriver.”
Ilaughedsoftly.“Notyou,Dad.Thecompany.”
Hisfacefell,tryingtoreadmyreluctance.Iwouldn’ttellhimthatmostofthetime,Iusedworkasmy

alibitoavoiddatesbecausetheonlymanwhoaskedmeoutwasGreg,andthatwasonlybecausehe
thoughtheknewmebecauseourfatherswereoldfriends.

Nottomention,ifhemarriedme,hewouldgettheempirethathe’dbeenraisedwiththankstoSteve’s

involvement.Icouldn’tbegrudgehisdesiretocontrolsomethingthathadbeensuchabigpartofhislife.

ButIcouldpreventitfromhappening.
Stevelaughed,toastingmewithhiswhiskey.“Here’stoaworkaholicwhohappenstobesodamn

goodatherjob.”

Ididn’tknowifIwantedtotoasttothat,butIdid,clinkingmyglasswithhis.
Thewaiterappearedtotakeourmealorderasthemenuchangedweekly.BeforeIcouldglanceatthe

newspecials,myfatherslidfromtheboothandmumbledhe’dberightback.Anitchstartedrightinmy

heart.Irubbedmychestasloveforthegray-hairedmaninhisimmaculatethree-piecesuitwashedover
me.

Whereishegoing?
IknewI’dhurthimwithrefusingGreg’sadvances,butIdidn’tmeantoribhimwithhowmuchI

worked.

Thatwasn’tfair.
Greginterruptedmymelancholybyorderingloudly.“I’llhavethevenison.Rare.”
Stevepursedhislipsbeforesaying,“Makethattwo.”Heplacedtheheavyflockedmenuontothe

table,eyeingmeexpectantly.“You,Elle?Iknowyourfatherwillhavethechickenorfish—onaccountof
hisheart—butyou?”

Iquicklyscannedthelist.Ihadnoappetite,andmythoughtswereacrosstheroomintheprivategin

bartothesidewheremyfatherhadvanished.“I’llhave...um,thesalmon,please.”

“Noproblem.”Thewaitertookourorder,tuckedhiselectronicdevicethat’dmostlikelyalreadysent

ourordertothekitchenintohisvestpocket,andcollectedourmenus.Themomentheleft,awkwardness
fellonthetable.

SteveglancedatmethenGreg.“So,youtwo,what’snewintheworldoftwentysomething’s?”
Ismiledforhissake,notGreg’s.“Well,youknowmyworld.Youseemeeverydayattheoffice.”
“Andyouknowminebecauseyouseemeeverydayathome.”Gregrolledhiseyes.
Hewastwenty-fiveandstilllivedathome.
Here,Icouldbesmugandlookdownmynose.Afewmonthsago,I’dmovedoutofthebrownstone

andintomyowntop-floorapartmentonlytwobuildingsawayfromBelleElleheadquarters.

I’dcheatedandboughtitfullyfurnished,sosomeofthefurniturewasn’ttomytaste,butIdidn’thave

timetointeriordesignorvisitthestoresorevenbrowseourownshopfordecorations.Ithadtakenallmy
couragetomoveout,especiallyafterDad’sheartattack,butIcouldn’tbethereanymore.

Dadhadunderstood.
He’dsupportedmeandhelpedmepackandmovethemeagerpossessionsinmybedroomandafew

knickknacksfromthelivingroom.

Forthefirstweek,Sagehadcaterwauledattheview,tellingmeoffforremovingherfromthe

brownstonewhereshecouldsneakintothegardenlateatnightanddowhateveritwasthatcatsdo.Inthe
newplace,shewasglassandconcretebound,lookingatthecloudsratherthanrodents.

“Howareyouenjoyingyourownplace,Elle?”Stevefollowedmytrainofthought,surprisingme.
Ishrugged,smoothingoutmynapkinovermylap.“It’sgood.Thebuildinghasgreatserviceswitha

gymandpool.Itevenhasmovienightsandneighborpartiesonceamonth.”

NotthatI’vebeentoanyofthem.
“That’sfantastic.”Stevegrinned.“PerhapsGregcouldcomeoveroneday,andyoucanshowhim

howeasyitistoliveonyourown.Gethimoutfromundermyfeet.”

“Yeah,goodone,oldman.”Gregsnickered,sippinghisginandtonic.
Ishuddered,doingmybesttohidethehorroratthethoughtofhavingGreginmyapartment.Withme.

Alone.OfkissingGreg.Oflettinghimremovemydressandtouchme.Oflettinghimseemenakedand
stickinghis—

Allright,stoprightthere.
InolongerlivedathomeandwasoneofthefewwomenontheForbes’richestlist.I’dachievedso

much,butinreality...inthethreeyearssincemyfirstkiss,nothinghadchanged.

Ihadn’tbeenkissedsince—unlessafriendlypeckonthecheekfromdotingfatherfigurescounted.I

hadn’tbeennakedaroundanyone,maleorfemale.Istillheldthecurseofnothavingenoughtimetolose
myvirginity.

Mostdays,IhadnolibidobecauseIworkedsuchlonghours.Butsomenights,Irememberedhowit

felttobetouchedandhaveaman’stongueinmymouthandhowIphysicallyachedforsomethingIhadn’t
understoodthatnightonabaseballfield.

AndIdeliveredareleaseI’dbecomeratherexpertat.
“Yes,Elle.Icouldcomeover...saynextweek?”Gregrubbedhisshoeagainstmyleg,snaggingmy

pantyhoseandnodoubtcausingaladder.“Icouldbringabottleofwine.Wecouldfinallygettoknow
eachother.”

Stevescowledattheheavyreferencetosexbutdidn’tinterfere.Afterall,weweren’tchildren

anymore.Yes,wehadtwomeddlingoldmentryingtoinfluenceourlovelives,butIwouldn’tgiveinto
this.

Notaftereverythingelse.
Talkingofmymeddlingoldman.
Whereishe?
Thewaiterarrivedwithfourplatesofdelicioussmellingfood,allartisticallyarrangedonturquoise

plateswithsilverpiping.

Inchingfromthebooth,IignoredGreg’squestionandsmiledatSteve.“Excuseme.I’dbettergotell

myfatherhisdinnerisonthetable.”

“Yes,goodidea,Elle.”Stevenodded,alreadypickinguphisknifeandforktodigin.
Gregnarrowedhiseyes,givingmeatightgrin.“Fine.I’mnotgoinganywhere.”
Fightingmyshudder,Islitheredfromthebooth.Myheelstap-tappedovergray-veinedmarbleasIleft

thebusyrestaurantandenteredthecozyginbar.Teakwoodhunginnoiseabsorbingpanelsfromtheblack
ceiling.Stoolswithpolishedchromeandpaddedleatherlinedupneatlybythelongbarwhileclustersof
comfychairsencouragedsecretstobesharedandpactstobemadeinthedark.

Thewhiffofalcoholandcigarsmokelingeredoneveryair-eddy.IhadnoideahowtheWeeping

Willowgotaroundthenon-smokingrule,butsmallplumesofsilverescapedmen’slipsasImademyway
tothebar.

Speciallypositionedspotlightsspearedthroughthebottlesonoffer.Alltwenty-twohundredofthem

—accordingtotheownerwhobraggedwhenhe’dfirstopenedtheplace.Alcoholglitteredlikefireflies,
temptingadrinkertokeeptestinguntiltheyfoundtheirsoul-mateinliquor.

IexpectedtofindDadnursinganotherglassofwhiskey,staringbroodinglyintotheamberliquidashe

sometimesdidwhenIactedoutorhecouldn’tshedthememoryofMom.

Thatwasn’tthecasetonight.
Islammedtoastop.
He’slaughingwithacompletestranger.
Dadsatonabarstoolwithhisfeettuckedonthechromefoot-rest,aglassofwhiskey(likeI

predicted)restinginhishandsbutforgotten.Hisfacewasalive,eyesunguardedandcrinkledinmirth.I
hadn’tseenhimsoanimatedinyears.

Itwarmedmeandworriedmeinequalmeasure.
Ilookedatthemanhewaswith.Theguyhadhisbacktome,butthecutofhissuitwasimpeccable;

hisbodytonedandslim,hishairdarkandthickwithlighterhighlightsthatcould’vebeengracedbya
hairdresserornatural.

FromwhereIstood,acoupleshieldedmelikealivingwall,butIwascloseenoughtohearmyfather

say,“Well,thatsoundsfantastic.Youreallyshouldmeether.”

Fantastic?Whatwasfantastic?
Isuckedinabreathasthestrangerlaughed.“Itwouldbeanhonortomeether.I’msureshe’sas

wonderfulasyoudescribe.”

Aretheytalkingaboutme?

Thecouplehidingmemoved,leavingmeexposed.Ishouldwalkforwardandintroducemyself.I

shouldstopeavesdroppingandactprofessionally.Butsomethingaboutthewaymyfatherandthisstranger
spokesentmyhacklesbristling.

Stayingbehindmillingpeoplewithanarrayofalcoholgrippedintightfingers,Islowlyinchedcloser

tothetwomen,strainingwitheverysteptohear.

“Mydaughterisveryaccomplished.”Dad’stonebillowedwithpride.“Butyousoundrather

successfulyourself,sothatshouldn’tbeaproblem.”

“Problem?”Themantookasipofhisdrink.“Iassureyou,I’veneverhadaproblemwithwomen

before.”

Oh,thearrogancedrippingfromhim.
Dadchuckled.“Iwasn’tsayingshe’dbeaproblem.Morelikeyoushouldn’tfindherpoweroff-

puttingifyouhavesuccessofyourown.”

Oh,myGod,whatishetalkingabout?
Wherehadmyfathergone?Whenhadheturnedintothishearts-and-flowersromantic,tryingtomatch

meofftoanymanwhopassedhisscrewed-upinterview?

He’salwaysbeenlikethat.
Ihatedthatthatwastrue.
Thestrangernodded.“Icanunderstandhowawomanwithahighcorporatejobandwealthcanbe

terrifyingtomost.”Heleanedforward.“However,Icanassureyou,thatwon’tbethecasewithme.”

Hespokeasifmyfatherhadhandedmeovertobebeddedandwedded.
MyteethgroundtogetherasDadsaid,“Imustadmit,Ihaven’theardofyoubefore.Areyounewto

NewYork?”

Themanswirledtheliquidinhisglass.“Yes.Arrivedafewmonthsago.Unfortunately,mybenefactor

wasnotwell,andweneededtreatmentthatwasonlyavailablehereasatrial.”

“Oh,I’msorry.”
Myhandsballedasmyfathergavethistotalstrangersuchsympathy.“Andyou’resinglethen?You’re

planningonstayingintown?”

Holycrap,theembarrassmentleveljusteruptedintovolcanicproportions.
“Iam.Customarily,Idon’tdate.Butnowmybenefactorisonthemend,Icanindulgeinplayingthe

field.”

Indulge?Playthefield?Myhandscurledwithindignation.Whowasthisman?
“Mydaughterisn’taconquest,Mr.Everett.IfIdointroduceyou,youmustgivemeyourwordyou

won’tuseher.”

Thishadgoneonlongenough.Ihadtodosomething.Namely,throwmydrinkintoMr.Everett’sface.
“Believeme.Ihavenodoubtonelookatyourdaughter,andI’llbequitehappytobemonogamous

untilshegetstoknowme.”Themanraisedhisglassagain,givingmeasideprofileglimpseofelegant
cheekbonesandhandsomejaw.

Istiffened.HespokeasifIwasasurething.Thathecouldmakemefallforhimjustbybeingalive.
Iwantedtokillhim.
ButthenIwantedtokillmyfathermoreashesmiled.“I’msureyou’lllikeElle.She’sbeautifuland

insanelyintelligent.”

Mr.Everettchuckled.“I’mfairlysureIcanmakeyourdaughterlikemeinreturn.Ihaveaknack,you

see.”

“Aknack?”Myfather’sfacetightened,notingthecockyconfidenceofthismanhewastryingtomarry

hisdaughterto.“Whatsortofknack?”

“Aknackforwomenwhocan’tstandtheoppositesex.Awayofconvincingthemtogiveupcontrol

andrelaxforonce.”

Holyshit.
Irarelysworebutholyshit,shit,shit.
Thisguy...therewerenowordsforhisarrogance.
Dadglancedathisuntouchedwhiskey.“IadmitElledoesn’tseemtoliketheprospectsIputinfrontof

her.”Hisfacefell.“Ionlywanthertobehappy.Tohavesomeonetoshouldertheburdenofhercompany
with.Tolaughoccasionallywith.”Hisvoicesoftenedwithsadness.“Shehasn’tlaughedinsolong.I’m
worriedabouther.”

IfIweren’tsoangry,Iwould’vesuffocatedunderafreshwaveofguilt.Imovedforwardastep,

breakingmycover,swirlingwithmixedemotions.

However,Mr.EverettensuredI’dneverfeelguiltagainashesaid,“Introducemetoyourdaughter,

Mr.Charlston,andIpromiseyouI’llmakeher—”

“Makemedowhat?”Istompedinmyheels,crossingmyarms.Myheartwhirledwildwhilemy

breathingthreatenedtoshowhowannoyedandhurtIwas.

Igloweredatbothmen.
Myfathershrunk,knowinghe’dscrewedup.Butthestrangermerelypinnedmewithpiercingeyesand

sentachilldownmyspine.

Helookedarcticandunreadable.
Hesmelledexpensiveandimpenetrable.
Hesoundedpowerfulanduntouchable.
Myworstnightmarewrappedinperfection.
Tearingmygazeaway,Ihuggedmyangerandspat,“Yousithereplanningmyfuturelikeyouhave

controloverme.What?Youthinkyoucanmakemefallinlovewithyou?Getonmykneesforyou?Do
whateveryoutellmeto,ohmaster?”Isnorted.“Theflat-outdisgustingnerveofyou!”

Mr.Everettrubbedhisbottomlipwhereadropletofliquorglistened.“Ifyougivemetime,I’llprove

toyouIcanmakeyoudoallthosethings...andmore.”

Isplutteredinoutrightshock.“Excuseme?”
Myfatherstoodup,puttinghimselfbetweenmeanddamnMr.Everett.“Idon’tthinkthat’squite

appropriateconversationforthefirstintroduction,sir.”

“Seriously?”Ieyedmyfatherasifhewasastranger,too.“Whenisthatsortoftalkeverappropriate?

Whenhe’sgotmecuffedtoadamnbedandmakingmecookhimdinner?God,Dad.”Ithrewupmyhands,
myskinflushingwithindignationbeneathmyblackdress.“Wow.Justwow.Bothofyou.”

Backingaway,IheldupmyfingerwhenDadtriedtoreasonwithme.“Nope,notgoingtohearit.”I

spunonmyheelthenlookedovermyshoulder,doingmybesttoignoreMr.Everettandthewayhisgaze
slippedoverme,lingeringonmybreastsbeforelatchingontomymouth.“Oh,and,Dad,onceyou’ve
finishedtryingtobetheworld’sworstmatchmaker,yourdinnerisonthetable.”

Istormedoff,unabletomaketheblazingexitIwantedasacrowdofpeopleinterruptedmyflow,

teeteringslowlywiththeirarmsfullofdrinks,chattingaboutthingsIcouldn’tcarelessabout.

Iwantedoutofthere.
Somethingwarmandfirmtappedmeontheshoulder,somehowfindingbarefleshbeneaththescarf

wrappedaroundme.“Beforeyouleave...”

MyheartrelocatedintomymouthasIwhirledaround,comingfacetofacewithMr.Everett.
Upclosehewasevenmorestunning.
Damnhim.
Cursehim.
Hisdarkeyeswerecalculatingandintelligent,hislipsperfectlyformedwiththebaresthintoffive

o’clockshadowoverhisjawanddownhisthroat.HisAdam’sapplebobbedasheswallowedwhilethe

columnsofmuscleflowingfromhisnecktohischest,justvisiblebeneathanopen-neckedsilkgrayshirt,
upsetmeinwaysIdidn’tunderstand.

Hewaspure,one-hundredpercentmale,andhewatchedmeasifIwasawomanwho’dalready

sacrificedherselfonhisegotemple,andhewasabouttodineonhersoul.

Icrossedmyarmstoholdmyinsidestogether,tryingtopreventtheleapinggazellemyhearthad

morphedintofromsplatteringathisfeet.“What?Whatdoyouwant?”

Hiseyesdarkenedtomolasses.“Iwant—”
Dadsidledover,cautionandworryetchinghiswrinkledkindface.“Now,Elle.Letmeintroduceyou

twoproperly.”

“IthinkMr.EveretthasdonealltheintroducingIneedtohear.”Itiltedmyhead.“Isn’tthatright?”
Mr.Everettsmiledeversoslightly,lookingmoresinnerthangentleman.“I’veonlyjuststarted,Ms.

Charlston.”

Dadraisedhisarm,wavingitalittleinsurrenderasmyheelsgroundintothemarble,preparingtogo

towar.“Now,now.”Comingtomyside,hepattedmyforearm.“Iapologizefortalkingaboutyou.But
you’vegotthewrongidea.Thisis—”

“Mr.Everett.Iknow.”Iglowered.“Ijustlearned,thankstoyou,howhethinkshecanturnmeintoa

simperingidiotallbecausehe’sdeemedmeinterestingenoughtomeet.”IleanedtowardMr.Everett,not
caringIgavehimashotdownmycleavageorthewayhesniffedatmyorchidperfume.“Foryour
information,asshole,Idon’tlikemenbecauseofthisexactreason.You’reeitheramamma’sboyorthink
youruletheworld.”Ipointedafingerinhisface.“You’llneverruleme,soyoumightaswellstop
whateverlittlegameyou’replayingwithmyfatherandfuckoff.”

“Elle!”Myfathergasped.“Whatthehell,BellButton?”
AndheusedBellButton.
Ofcourse,hedid.
Mylifewasofficiallyover.Notonlyhadhetriedtosetmeupwiththissexualdeviantinthemiddle

ofacigar-cloudedginbar,butnow,hegaveawaychildhoodnicknamesasiftheymeantnothing.

“Nice,Dad.Realnice,”Imutteredundermybreath.
Mr.Everettnoticed,asmugsmirktwistinghislips.OnelookintohiseyesandIknewhe’dstored

awaymyembarrassingtitleforammunitioninthefuture.

Buttherewillbenofuture.
Becauseintenseconds,Iwantedtobegoneandneverseehimagain.
“I’msuddenlynothungry.”Inarrowedmyeyesatmyfather.“PleasegivemyapologiestoSteveand

Greg.”

“SteveandGreg?”Mr.Everettrepeated.
Isneered.“TwomoremenIrefusetohaveanythingtodowithsodon’tthinkyourselfspecial.”
Dadclutchedmyelbow.“Now,Elle,don’tbehasty.Youknowhowmuchyoulovethefoodhere.”
“Loved.Pasttense.”Igaveabrittlesmile.“Thisplacedoesn’tholdtheallureitoncedid,thanksto

recentevents.”IlookedMr.Everettupanddownicily,hopinghe’dgetfrostbite.

Mr.Everettchuckledunderhisbreath.“Areyoualwaysthisdramaticorisitaproductofbeinggiven

everythingyou’veeverwantedsinceyouwereborn?”

Thebarvanished.
Theworldquietened.
Myheartstopped.
“Whatdidyoujustsay?”Ileanedforward,swayingsocloseIhadtotakeasteptowardhim,soI

didn’ttumbleagainsthischest.

Myfatherknewhowinconsideratethatsentencehadbeen.Hemovedfromceasefiretofull-onbattle

negotiations.“Elle,beforeyoustart.”Hegulped.“I’msureMr.Everettdidn’tmeanitlikethat.”

“Oh,Idid.”Mr.Everettcrossedhisarms,somehowholdinghisglassofclearliquorupright,showing

justhowclosewestoodtoeachotherwhenthesleeveofhisshirtbrushedthesilkofmyblackdress.

Anyhigherandhewould’vetouchedmybreasts.
Cockybastard.
“Imeantitexactlythewayitsounded.”
Redpaintedmyvision.Theendlesslylongdays.Thepressure.Thelostchildhoodandservitude.I

couldn’tlethimgetawaywithsucharemark.Icouldn’tstandthereandlethimsmirkasifIwasa
tantrummingadolescentwho’dneverworkedandbelievedmoneycamefromfairyfarts.

Iinhaledhardtodelivermyperfectlypoisedrebuttal.
Mr.Everettstoodpatiently,drippingwitharrogance.“Well?”
Iopenedmymouth.
Andthen...Ishutitagain.
He’snotworthit.
Nomanis.
They’reallthesame—believingI’msomebaubleinmyfather’sempire.
Somejeweltheycouldcommandeerforthemselvesandtakeoverthecompanyjustlikethey’dtake

overme.

No.
Nevergoingtohappen.
Iwouldforeverbeavirgin-boundhuskbeforeIeverwastedmorebreathandtemperonamanwho

wouldalwaysremainbelowme.

ImovedmyarmasDadtriedtosqueezemyelbow,askingfordiscretionandquietness.Heknewme.

HeknewIwasborderlineHurricaneNoelle.He’dseenmeblowuponlytwiceandbothwereatcocky
menwhobelievedtheirtopsalariesentitledthemtocheatontheirwivesandnotgiveashitabouttheir
work.

OnehadcriedasheleftBelleElleheadquarters.Theotherhadretiredwithatarnishedreputation.
Dadglancednervouslyaroundthebar,waitingforArmageddon.Insteadofgivinghimasecondheart

attack,Itwistedmyelbow,grabbedhiswrist,andjerkedhimsideways.“Comealong,Dad.Ithinkthis
manhaspoisonedyourmindenough.”

“Elle,darling—”
“Don’tyou‘darling’me.Nexttimeyouthinkofsettingmeup,Dad,stop.Idon’twantanotherforced

meetingwithGregjustbecauseyouandStevecanseeusplayinghouse.Idon’twantsomepity
introductionwithmenwhopassyourcritique.AndIdefinitelydon’twanttoseethisoneagain.Ever.”I
sneeredatMr.Everett,doingmybesttoignorethefrustratinglyeroticsmileonhisface.

Heraisedhisglassofclearliquor,takingasip.Hisgazedriftedovermewitheyesasdarkas

goodbyesandajawsosharpitwouldslicemyfingerifIwereeverstupidenoughtotouchit.

“Hesaidyouwerehead-strong.Ididn’tbelievehim.”Mr.Everettchuckledinadeeprasp.“I’veseen

evidenceformyself,andIhavetoadmit...”Heleanedcloserinacloudofexpensive,headyaftershave.“I
likeit.”Glancingatmycleavagequickly,hiseyesflewbacktomine.“Unhandyourfather,Ms.Charlston,
andagreetoadatewithme.”

Myjawfellopen.
Didhejustaskmeout?
Afterallthat?
Ikeptmyfacecoolanduninterested.“Neverinamillionyears.”
“Amillionisalongtime.”
“It’salsoalotofmoneyifyouwanttobesuedforsexualharassment.”
Hegrinned.“Ihappentohaveexcellentlegalcounsel.You’dneverwin.”

“Idon’tneedtowintotellyoutoleavemethehellalone.”
“Goonadatewithme,andImightagreetoyourcommand.”
“Whatpartof‘leavemealone’didn’tyouhear?Adatewoulddefeatthatwishtoneverseeyou

again.”

Hesmoothedhissilkygrayshirt.“Idecidewhattohearandwhatnotto.”Hiseyesnarrowedwith

untoldauthority.“AndI’vedecidedyourfatherisright.Youaremytype.AndI’myours.It’snormalforus
tofindoutwhatnatureintends.”

Icouldn’t.
Ijustcouldn’tdealwiththisinsanity.
“Weshouldfindoutwhatnatureintends,huh?”Ireachedforwardandpluckedhisstill-filledglass

fromhisstupidlyperfectfingers.“Thisiswhatnatureintends.”Idumpedthecontentsontohis
ridiculouslysexysweptbackhairthenleanedinuntilournosesbrushed.“Comenearmeagain,andI’ll
strikeamatchtoseehowwellliquorandfirelikeeachother.”

NotcaringaboutmyfatherorSteveorGregorevendamnMr.Everett,Istraightenedmyshoulders

andstormedfromtherestaurant.

ChapterThirteen

MYCOMPUTEREARNEDthebruntofmyanger.

Thepoorkeyboardwasbruisedinplacesnotechnologyshouldbebruised.
EversincetheWeepingWillow,I’dbeenstrungsotight,myinsideshadtransformedintosomething

snarlingandwildwithbigteeth.Ifeltlikesomethinglivedinsideme,readytoleapfree.

Probablybeenreadingtoomanyshapeshifterromancesagain.
Butstill,allnightIcouldn’trelax,andalldayIrevvedwithdisbeliefatMr.Everett’sgall.
Thenagain,wasthereanythingtobetrulyupsetabout?Hewasanopportunist,andmyfatherhadbeen

hisvictim.Noharmdone.I’dseenpasttheruseandkeptmyfathersafeandfarawayfromascamartist.

Sowhycan’tIdampenthetemperraginginmyblood?
Becausehe’stheonlymantogetariseoutofme?
Theonlyonetoshowmealittleofthetruthhiddenbeneaththeprimdressesandeloquentpoliteness

ofaworkaholic?

ThatIhadpassion.
Depth.
Needs?
No,thatcan’tbetrue.
MenwerepartofthepopulationIdidn’tneed.EvenBelleEllecouldsurvivewithoutthemale

counterparts.Thesalesfiguresforwomen’sfashionweretwo-hundredtimesthatofthemen’sdepartment.
Infact,Ishouldproposeatthenextbusinessmeetingtocancelallmalelinesandjustpretendtheworld
haddoneitselfafavoranddeletedanyonewithapenis.

You’retalkinggibberish.
ThankGodthatcan’thappenasyou’dmissyourfather.
Thinkingaboutmyfatherandthewordpenisinthesamecontextwasdisgusting.
ButthinkingofMr.Everettinthesamecontext...
Stilldisgusting.
Myhandscurledaroundmypen.ThiswasDad’sfault—thesamefatherdeadsetonmarryingmeoff

beforemynextbirthday.

Theclockonmydesksaiditwasalmost5p.m.I’dlastedthedayandusedmyangertowipemyto-do

listclean.I’dneverfinishedsoearlybefore,andIwishedIhadmoretaskstodoastherewasnowayI
wantedtogohomeyet.

PoorSagefedoffmynervousenergy,pacingaroundmyofficeratherthannappinginthetwilight

sunshine.AndIwashungryagainforthefifthtimetoday—burningthroughcaloriesfasterthanIcould
replacethem.

Someoneknockedonmydoor.
Ilookedup.“Yes?”
“Elle?”Fleurstuckherheadin.“Yourfatherwantsawordbeforeheretiresforthenight.”
Ifroze.“Why?”
Anotherdisastrousdatesetup?
Fleurfrowned.“Um,notsure.He’sfamily...Iguesshejustwantedtosaygoodbye?”

Idroppedmypen,draggingahandthroughmyhair.“Ofcourse,stupidofme.You’reright.Sendhim

in.”

Shegavemeasweetsmile,sidesteppingenoughformyfathertoenter.Hisgaze,asalways,wentto

theChinesewallpapertomyleftwithcranesandricepaddies.Thedecorationlinehadbeenatrialwe’d
doneinthehousewaredepartmentfourseasonsago,andit’dbeenahugehit.I’dusedsomeoftheproduct
myselftomakesureithadlongevityandstyle.

“Howwasyourday?”heasked,comingaroundmydesktokissthetopofmyhead.
“Good.”Isighed.“IgoteverythingIneededtodone.”
“That’sgreat.”Hegrinned,butitdidn’treachhiseyes.Hisapologyhoveredinthespacebetweenus,

bigandmarshmallow-like,andentirelyobvioustobothofus.

“Spititout,Dad.”Iclosedmylaptopandshutmydiary.“What’sup?”
Heblurted.“I’msosorryaboutlastnight,BellButton.Iwaswrong.Youwereright.Hewasastuck-

upjackass.”

Ismotheredalaugh.“Jackass,Iagreewith.”
Hisshouldersfell,hisslimfigurebowingwhilerestinghishipagainstmyglassdesk.“Iwon’tdoit

again,andIpromiseSteveandIwillbackdownaboutforcingyouandGregtogether.Iknowyou’renota
fan,andit’swrongofmetointerfere.”Hepickedupmyfountainpenwithturquoiseink—theonly
frivolousthingIusedwheneverythingelsewasblackandwhitewithBelleElleregulation.“Ishouldlet
naturetakeitscourseandletyoufindyourowntruelove.”

Igroanedundermybreath.“Don’tyoustartwithwhatnatureintends.”
SplashingalcoholontoMr.Everett’sheadfilledmymind—paymentforusingthatsameline.
Hadhethoughtaboutmeintheshowerwhilerinsingoff?Hadhecursedmewhendroppinghissuitin

fordrycleaning?

Serveshimright.
Dad’seyebrowrose,buthewiselydidn’tcomment.Thesoftlamponmydeskhighlightedthethreads

ofsilverinhishairlikeChristmasfairy-lights.“Isthereanyone?Anyoneatall?”

Istood,grabbingmyhandbagandswoopingdowntopluckSagefromherbasket.Shecrawledupmy

armandsettledlikeafurrysausagearoundthebackofmyneck.“No.Noone.Andyouhavetocometo
termsthattheremightneverbe.”Ipattedhisshoulder.“I’mhappy.Idon’tneedamantovalidatemy
existence.”

Besides,I’msoyoungstill.
HeactedasifIwerealreadyslippingdownthesideoftheage-hillofnoreturn.
Hiseyesgrewsad.“Ifyouknewwhatlovefeltlike,youwouldn’tbesosureaboutthatstatement,

Elle.”

“Idoknowwhatlovefeelslike.FromyouandMomandSage.”Imovedtowardthedoor,turningoff

floorlampsthatIfoundgaveahomelyglowasIwent.“Promisemeyou’llstopmeddling,andI’lltake
youtodinnertomakeupforlastnight.”

Hestrodeforward,happinessreplacinghisregret.“Ononecondition.”
Isigheddramatically,reachinguptoscratchSagebeneathherchin.“Whatcondition?”
Hecameforwardandrestedhishandsonmyshoulders,notcaringwhenSageswattedhimwithher

paw.“Justpromisemethatwhenamandoescomealongwhomakesyoufallinlove,thatyou’llgivehim
achance.Thatyou’llreservejudgmentuntilhe’sprovenhe’sworthholdingonto,andthenyou’llnever
lethimgo.”

MyheartplummetedtomytoesasIsmiledbrightly,hidingtheinternalagonyhe’djustcaused.“I’ll

amendonepieceofthatpromiseandagree.Ifamancomesalong.Ifthatmiraclehappens,I’llgivehima
chancebeforeIsquishhim.”

WhatIdidn’tsaywasI’dalreadymetthatman.Thatsignificantpersonwhogotundermyskinand

mademedream.

Onlythingwas,Ihadn’theldontightenough.
AndI’dlosthim.

ChapterFourteen

THREEDAYSLATER,mylifehadreturnedtonormal.

NomoresleeplessnightsthankstoMr.Everett—theyweresleeplessbecauseofmyguilttoward

Nameless.Mundanemorningsonthetreadmillflowedintoagonizingafternoonswithboardmeetings.

Lifewascontrollableonceagain.
FleurcontinuedtohelpmeruntheempirewhileDadtookafewdaysoffatmyinsistence.Hisskin

hadlostsomecolor,andI’dcaughthimcoughingtheotherdaywitharattleIdidn’tlike.Ifitwastheflu,I
wantedhimsafeandwarmathomewhileMarnie,thecook,madehimhealthysnacks.Ididn’twant
opportunisticgermsstraininghisalreadystrainedheart.

StevehelpedmehostafewconferencecallsfromBeijingandMontrealaboutournewinfantline

releasingnextmonth,andworkonceagaintuggedmedeepintoitsclutches,erasinganymemoryof
tippingalcoholontosomestranger’shead.

UntilthethirddaywhenIscoopedSageupandheadedtotheshopfloorforaquickwalkaround.Idid

randominspectionsthroughouttheweek—neverannouncedorfore-planned,soemployeesweren’t
prepared.

IfIhadasparefifteenminutes,Ifoundnobetterplacetostretchmylegsthanstrollingaroundthe

racksofnew-smellingmerchandise,eyeingupdisplays,spyingonstaff,andscoringanyareasthatneeded
tweaking.

Astheelevatorcarriedmefromthetopfloortothebottom,themirroredwallsshowedSageasshe

layovermyshoulders,tappingmydanglingcrystalearringthatmatchedtheivorydresswithsoftcaramel
lace.Thelacypanelcoveredmychestandworkedinaflowerpatterntoflareovermyhipsbefore
reconveningatthehem.

Fleurhadaddedittomypaperworkpiletotakehomewithmelastweek.I’dthoughtitwastoo

detailedandfeminineforworkattire,butwhenI’dtrieditonthismorning,Ididn’twanttotakeitoff.The
palenessofitshould’vewashedoutmyblondecomplexion;instead,itmademeglowasifI’djust
steppedoffaplanefromTahiti.

NotthatIknewwhatthatwaslike.TheonlyairtravelIdidwastofactoriesaroundtheworld,andI

endedupwearingearprotectionandoverallswhilemarchingaroundinheavybootswithaclipboard.

Thedoorsopenedwithasoftchime,andIstrodeforwardinmatchingcaramelheels,clippingquickly

overtheanti-slipdriftwood-plankedfloorthatourfocusgroupssaidcalmedthemwiththegraytonesand
encouragedspendingmentality.

Everything—fromthewarmbeigeonthewalls,tothedeeppurplecurtainsinthechangingrooms—

waschosenbyacolorguruwhoconvinceduspurplemadepeoplebelievetheywererichbecauseitwas
thecolorofroyaltyandwealth,andbeigestoletheirworriesandstress,allowingthemtoseethetreasure
troveofmerchandisethatcouldallbetheirsforthesmallpricetickettuckeddemurelyinside.

“Whatdepartmentshouldweinvestigatefirst,Sage?”Imurmuredsoasnottoattractattentionfrom

shoppers.

NotthatIcouldavoidbeingnoticed,seeingasIstrodepurposelythroughBelleEllewithacat

wrappedaroundmyshoulders.Luckily,shewasofthesmallvarietyandnottubbylikesomecatsI’dseen.

Iglancedtowardthelingeriedepartmentwhereanequalnumberofawkwardmenboughtgiftsfor

theirlovesoneswhileboldwomenbrazenlyfingeredG-stringsandgarterbelts.

Iknewthemanager,Kim,wouldkeepherstaffinline;thedisplayswereimpeccablewithitssmall

scaffoldofpantyhose,playfulkink,andlace.Iwouldn’twastemytimeonareasIdidn’tneedtoimprove.

Narrowingmyeyes,Isearchedforsloppilyfoldedsaleitemsorimbalancedbannersorscruffyshop

assistants.

Thehousewaresectionwasalittlemessywithitsfigurinesandlampcords.Thewomen’sshoe

departmentneededamemototellthemtopickupemptyboxesfromcustomerspullingthemfromthe
shelves.Andchildren’swearwoulddefinitelyearnaslaponthewristforabannerpromisingtwenty
percentoffbibswhenahighchairwasbought.

Thatpromotionendedtwodaysago.
However,theareathatsetmyheartracingwithchaoswastheman’sdivisionwherefive-thousand

dollarblazersweretossedoverracks,obscuringpressedtrousersandfaultlessshirts.Tiesdrapedover
mannequinarmslikestreamers,andthesocktablewasarummageddisaster.

Sagemeowedsoftly,mostlikelysayinginkittytalkformetocalmdownbeforeIfoundthe

unsuspectingmanagerandfiredhimonthespot.

“Wherethehellisheandhisstaff?”Stridingforward,myhandscurledasyetmoredisorderrevealed

itself.Ashirthadfallenoffitshangerandlayonthefloor.Thefloor!Beltstangledinaviper-nestonthe
cashregister.

Whatthehellisgoingon?
“Threewarnings,myass,”Imuttered.“Thisisgroundsforinstantdismissal.”
Ididn’tcarethemen’sdepartmenthardlyevercoveredtheextravaganceitcosttorunwithits

cashmereimportedmaterialandon-sitetailorfromSavileRow.ThiswasBelleElle,andithadseverely
letmycompanydown.

“What’sthemanager’snameagain?”
Sagesnuffledintomyneck.
“You’renohelp.”
Shemeowed.
NomatterhowmanyracksIchargeddown,lookingforavictimwearingaBelleEllenametagand

noticeablelavenderworkshirt,Icouldn’tfindanyone.Notone.

Whereoneartharethey?
Thereshouldbeatleastthreetofourstaffmanningthissectionatalltimes.
Myeyesfellonthebrightlylitsignforthechangingrooms.
Ishouldn’t.
Womenweren’tpermittedinthere.Butsurely,thebosswas.
Tiltingmychinwithauthority,Imarchedthroughthearchwayandslammedtoastop.
IfIthoughttheshopfloorwasadisaster,thechangingroomswereacatastrophe.
Clotheseverywhere!
Thousandsofdollarsofmerchandiseonthefloorandpilesdrowningtheleather-studdedottomans.
“Whatisthemeaningofthis?”Iplacedmyhandsonmyhipsasfourmen—whoIpaidadecenthourly

wageandshouldbeontheshopfloorenticingpeopletobuy—allgatheredaroundsomethingofutter
fascination.

SomethingIcouldn’tsee.
Thefloormanagerswiveledinplace,hismouthfallingopen.“Oh,hello,Ms.Charlston.I’msorryI

didn’tseeyouthere.”

“Youdidn’tseemebecauseclothesareeverywhere.ItlookslikeaWorldWarTenstartedinhere.”I

motionedtothepyramidsofexpensivesuitsjustcrumbledonthefloorasiftheywerefive-dollart-shirts.
“Cleanthismessup,immediately.Andgetyourstaffatfrontofhouse.There’renoassistantsoutthere.”

“Ofcourse,Ms.Charlston.”Themanagernodded;hisidentificationtagshowedhisnamewas

Markus.“Rightaway.”Clickinghisfingers,hesnapped,“George,Luke,getbackoutthere.RyanandIcan
finishwithMasterSteel.”

Instantly,thetwoyoungerstaffmembersdroppedtheshirtsloopedovertheirarmsontothealready

overflowingottomananddashedpastmewithrespectful,apologeticsmiles.

Ididn’twatchthemgo.Icouldn’t.MygazegluedtothelittlehumanIhadn’tseenthankstostaffand

shirtssurroundinghim.

“Oh,I’msosorry;Ididn’tknowI’dinterruptedsomething.”IglancedatMarkus.“Whydidn’tyousay

something?”

“Becauseyou’reright,ma’am.Wedon’tneedfourattendantstodressonechild.”
Ieyedthekidwhostoodinfrontofthefloor-to-ceilingmirror,swimminginmen’strousersanda

blazerthatcametohisknees.Igavehimaquicksmile,movingclosertoMarkus.“Whyisheinthemen’s
departmentandnotinchildren’swear?He’llneverfindanythingtofithim.”

Theboylookedatmeinthemirror,notbotheringtoturnaround.“I’mnotakid.”
Istartledatthesharpstaccatoofhisadolescentvoice.Thepinchedlookinhischeeksandwildnessin

hisgazespokeofachildrunningoutofpatienceandeitherclosetotearsortemper.Ihadn’tbeenaround
manykids,butIguessedhewasnineorten.

“Iwantasuit.PennsaidIcouldhaveasuit.Likehim.IwanttodresslikehimandLarry.”
Sagesquirmedonmyshoulders,squintingattheboy.Justlikeme,shewasn’tusedtobossychildren.

NotequippedtoreplytoasentenceIhadnowayofunderstanding,IlookedbackatMarkus.“Canyou
explain?”

Markusgrinnedattheboy.“Ofcourse.ThisisStewart.HeprefersStewie,though,don’tyou?”
Theboynodded.“Stewie.”Hepokedafingerintohischest.“That’sme.”
“Okay...”Ismiledasifitwasaperfectlyacceptablenameandnotathick-typesoupIfoundutterly

unappetizing.“AndStewiewantsasuit.”

Stewiegrinned,showingagapinhisfrontteethwhereababytoothhadfallen,andanadultonehad

yettoappear.“Yup.Pennishelping.Hesaidallmenhavetohaveatleastthreesuits.Oneforawedding,
afuneral,andbusiness.”

“Afuneral?”Myheartsank.“Isthatwhereyou’regoing?”
“No.”Stewiebrushedchestnuthairawayfromhisface,eyeinghisrosycheeksinthemirrorandears

thatslightlyprotruded.“Butit’sbettertobeprepared.That’swhatheandLarryalwayssay.”

Imovedforward,myhandslidingupwardtoscratchSageasshehissedatthesmallcreature.“And

whoareLarryandPenn?Yourfathers?”Theworldwasanopensocietythesedays.LarryandPenncould
bemarried.Ortheycouldbehisunclesorteachersorjustfriends.Orbrothers.Hell,LarryandPenn
couldbegenerouskidnappersforallIknew.

Stewiescreweduphisnose.“Ha,that’sfunny.”Hismirthfaded.“Wait...Ikindasupposetheyare.

Now,Imean.Ineverhadadadbefore.”Hisangularfacebrightened.Hewasn’tchubbylikesome
childrenofhisagewere.Hehadahardedgeabouthimthatcouldn’tbetamed,evenintheridiculously
hugesuitwithcuffshangingoverhishandslikepenguinflippers.

IglancedovermyshouldertoMarkus.“Wherearehisfathers?Whyareyouandmystaffplaying

babysitter?”

“Um,he’sonlyherewithonegentleman,Ms.Charlston.Andhejustpoppedoutforamoment.Urgent

phonecall,Ibelieve.”Heshuffled.“Buthemadethemess,notus.HeandStewietriedtofindsomething
smaller—smallerbelts,socks,ties—anentirewardrobe,youunderstand.Wesettledonagreeingthat
Stewiewouldpickasuitheliked,andthenwe’dsendittobetailoredtofithim.”

Myeyeswidened.“Butthatwillendupbeinganentirelynewsuit.Thereisnowayatailorcanturna

man’sthirty-eightintoaboy’stwelve.”

“Butisn’tthatwhatI’mpayingfor?”acool,sveltevoicemurmuredbehindme.Itthrobbedwith

glamourwhilesomehowborderedcurtimpatience.“Isn’tthatwhatBelleEllepridesitselfon?Providing
whatotherstorescannot?Becauseifitisn’t...thenmyapologies;we’llgosomewhereelse.”

Ispuninplace,myheartalreadyleapingintoachurningseaathistone.
Themomentmyeyeslockedontothenewcomer’sdarkbrownones,thepastthreesleeplessnightsand

longhourscaughtupwithme.ShakinghijackedmyarmsandnotbecauseI’dupsetacustomerand
tarnishedalittleofwhatherightfullysaidwasourmottobutbecauseitwashim.

Him!
“You.”
“Yes,me.”Mr.Everettsmirked.“Nicetoseeyouagain.”
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Herolledhisshoulders,hisfingerstighteningaroundhisphone.“Samethingaseveryoneelse,I

suspect.Puttingourmoneyintoyourpockets.”

Icrossedmyarms.“Yetyouleaveyoursonformystafftobabysit.Thatisn’tpartoftheirjob

description.”

“Iapologize.Itwasanurgentcallandonlylastedafewminutes.”Helookedpastmetotheboy

swimminginwoolandhandstitching.“Youokay,Stew?Findsomethingyoulike?”

Stewieturnedandheadedtowardus,hisfeetdraggingthetrouserlengthslikeclownsocksbehind

him.“Yep.Ilikethisone.”

Mr.Everetteyedthesoftgraywithnavybluepinstriping.“Metoo.Goodchoice.”
StewieshruggedoutoftheblazerandpassedittoMarkuswhostoodeverprofessional,mindinghis

ownbusiness.

Icouldn’tdecideifIwantedtorunawayorshovethismiscreantoutofmystore.Sonornoson.
Wait...hehasason.
He’smarriedtoamannamedLarryandhasason.
Notonlyhadmyfathergotthestorycompletelywrongatthebar,butMr.Everetthadalsofibbed

aboutbeinginterestedinmeandhavinga‘knack’withwomen.

Mytempersteamed,andbeforeIcouldcensor,Isaid,“Turnsoutyou’refulloflies,Mr.Everett.”
Hiseyesnarrowedasadarkcloudsettledoverhisface.“Excuseme?”HeopenedhisarmasStewie

slottedhimselfagainsthisside,reachingforhisphoneandswipinginthepasscodetopullupAngry
Birds.

IsteppedbackasSagesankherclawsintomyneckinwarning.
Goodcall,kitty.
Iletmyarmsfall,andtensiondisperse.Itmeantnothingthathe’dliedorthathewasgay.Whyhadn’tI

seenit?Ofcourse,hewasgay.Hewasfartoowelldressedandmanicuredineveryway—trimnails,
groomedeyebrows,andthicksorrelhairwiththeoccasionalhoneyhighlight.Thatcouldn’tbenatural.

Hewasn’tnatural.
Hewasfake.
AndIwasdone.
“Iapologizeforinterruptingyourshoppingexperience.IhopeyouenjoytherestofyourvisittoBelle

Elle.”Steppingforward,Ididmybesttoavoidhisbulkinthenarrowhallwaywithchangingroomson
eitherside.

Hewasn’tcourteousanddidn’tstepasidetoletmepass.Hejuststoodthere,givingmethechoiceto

squeezepastthesmallgaporwaitandglareintohiseyes.

Thesameeyesthathadmoltenheatandaperpetuallypissedexpression.Hewaslikesugarandsalt,

pollenandpoison—someonedangerous.Pricklesofself-preservationurgedmetoleavewhilefrissonsof
curiositywhisperedformetostay.

Ididn’tlikeeither.
Ididn’tlikehim.
Needingtogaincontrol,IlookedatMarkus.“Pleaseensurethisdepartmentistidyassoonas

possible.AndaskthetailortotriplecheckStewie’smeasurementssothealterationsareperfectfirst
time.”

“Yes,Ms.Charlston.”
“HisnameisMasterSteel.NotStewie,”Mr.Everettclipped.“JustlikeI’mMr.Everetttoyouand

Penntohimandyou’reMs.CharlstontoeveryoneandneverNoelle.”

Whatthehelldoesthatmean?
Istiffened.“Letmepass.”
“No.”
Isuckedinabreath.“Don’truinaniceafternoonoutforyourson,Mr.Everett.Yourhusbandwould

beverysadtoreceiveaphonecallsayingyou’dbeenarrestedfordisruptingthepeaceinmydepartment
store.”

Hisbodyshiftedfromtensetodownrightnasty.Hishandsopenedandclosedasifhe’dlikenothing

morethantostrangleme.HisgazeflickeredtoSagearoundmynapethenbacktomyface.Hedidn’tseem
surprisedIworeasilvercatasanaccessory.“You’dlikethat,wouldn’tyou?”Hislipsquirkedatthe
corners.“Foryourinformation,I’mnotmarried.AndIprefermydateswithtitsratherthanballs.”

Iflinched.“Hardlysuitableconversationwithachildpresent.”
StewiemumbledwithhiseyesgluedtoAngryBirds.“I’veheardworse.Believeme.”
“Worse?”
WhatsortofenvironmentdidMr.Everettexposethiskidto?Whywashesoskinny?ShouldIget

childservicestodoa‘random’housecall?

“Ifyourecall,Ms.Charlston,Iaskedyoutogotodinnerwithmetheothernight.WhywouldIdothat

ifIwasn’tinterestedinwomen?”

Iignoredhisquestion.Itdidn’tmatterwhathissexualorientationwasorhisreasonforaskingmeout.
Iwasn’tinterestedineitheranswer.“I’mnotsurewhyyouhadtheneedtoinformanimpartial

strangerofyourrelationshippreferences,Mr.Everett,butIcanassureyou,Idon’tcareintheslightest.”

Imovedforward,nudginghisshoulderwithmine,lettingSage’stailflickhisthroatasI

circumnavigatedtowardtheexit.“Now,ifyoudon’tmind.Ihavemorepressingthingstoattendto.”

Ilookedatthelittleboy.“Goodbye,MasterSteel.Ihopeyoulikeyournewsuit.”
Withoutabackwardglance,ImarchedasprimandproperasIcould,yetsomefemininepartofmeput

anextraswaggerinmyhips.Myownbodyirritatedme,wantingtocomeacrossasaloofandsexywhen
reallyIshouldn’tgiveadamn.

Ididn’tgiveadamn.
I’ddumpedhisdrinkonhisheadafewdaysago,andnowI’dtoldhimoffwhilehewasspendinghis

moneyinmystore.

Oh,well.
Thatwasallhewasgoodfor.
Addingtothebottomlineandbecomingnothingmorethananuisanceonmyday’sagenda.
“Comeon,Sage.Let’sgobacktotheoffice.”Imademywayquicklythroughtheracks,noticingthe

messhadbeentamedtoitsusualregimentedglory.Thelongsweepingwalkwaylinkingthedepartments
beckoned;Iincreasedmyspeed.

Somethingstrongandunbreakablelatchedaroundmywrist,yankingmebackward.
Itrippedinmyheels,falling.
Icrashedagainstaverywarm,veryunmovable,very,verytonedchest.

Sagemeowed,leapingfrommyshoulderswithfelinegraceandlandingonherfeetaswhoeverhad

theaudacitytograbmespunmearoundandplantedtwopossessivehandsonmyupperarms.“Youdon’t
gettodothatagain.”

Ifocusedonhismouthandhowdamncloseitwas.Howhisaftershavereekedofheavynotesand

woodsymusk.Howhisfingersdugintomeliketalons.

Howdarehetouchmelikethat?
Howdarehebelievehehadtherighttoleapoverboundsofproprietyandsomehowtrapmeinthe

middleofanargumentIwasn’tevenawareexisted.

Snatchingmyarmsfromhisgrip,Iglowered.“Don’tgettodowhat?”
“Berudeandleave.”Hisglarelacedwithdynamite.“Atleast,thistime,youdon’thaveaccessto

liquids.”

“IfIdid,IknowwhereI’dpourthem.”
Histempercrackled,ignitingamagneticfieldbetweenusuntilinvisiblelinesofenergylashedus

together.Confusedenergy.Misplacedenergy.Energythatcouldn’tpossiblysparktothesamefrequency
whenIcouldn’tstandthesightofhim.

“You’llneverdothattomeagain.”
“Iagree.”Inoddedwithaperfectsnap.“BecauseIplanonneverseeingyouagain.Gladwecould

agreeonsomethingforachange.”

Herubbedhisjaw,lookingmeupanddown.“Yousaidyouneverwantedtoseemeagainatthe

restaurant,yethereweare.”Helookedaroundthestore,noticingwhatI’dalreadyseen—thatwewere
aloneamongstalakeofclothes,hiddenbytowersofsuedejacketsanddesignerjeans.

Hesteppedcloser,backingmeupintoarackoflimitededitionlaptopbagsforthehardworkingmale.

“Didyouthinkaboutme,Ms.Charlston?Didyouthinkaboutmyoffer?”Helickedhisbottomlip.“Did
youthinkaboutwhatwecoulddotogether?”

Thewayheemphasized‘do’sentarippleoffrustrationthroughmybelly.Frustrationbornof

annoyanceandthatdreadedawfulconcoctionoflust.Thesamelustthat’dswarmedwithoutwarningthe
nightofmynineteenthbirthday.Thesamelustthat’dalmostmademelosemyselftoamanI’donlyjust
met.

I’dlearnedmylessonthatnight.
Iwouldn’tforgetitnow.
Inthislight,withtheshopfluorescentsblaringdownandthepatchworkofclothesaroundus,Mr.

Everettlookednothinglikethatmaninablackhoodie.It’dbeendarkthatnightwithsomanythings
happening.Mymemorystruggledtoclingtotruthratherthanembellishwithmyth.Iremembered
Namelesshadblackhairmattedintodreadlock-curls,abeard,andclothesthat’dlongsinceneededa
wash.Hiseyeswerearichbrownlikedevil’scake.Hislipsmasculineandhandsome,addinganimation
toanotherwiseguardedface.

Ifhe’dbeenmysavior,thenMr.Everettwasmynemesisinhisperfectedsplendorandarrogant

attitude.

Mywitscameback,pushingawaytheheatinmystomachandthefizzinmyheartfromconfronting

thismanonceagain.

IslippedintoCEOmode,shuttingeverythingelseoff.Theforce-fieldhissingbetweenusseveredasI

forcedalaughasbrittleandbrightasglass.“Wow,Iknewyouhadanego,butIdidn’tknowit’dtakenup
residenceofyourentirebody.”Itappedmybottomlipwithanivorypaintednail.“Whatquestionwould
youlikemetoanswerfirst?”

Hefrowned.“What?”
Icountedonmyfingers.“One,noIdidn’tthinkaboutyoubecauseyoubarelyfactoredonmyradarof

noticeablethings.Two,noIdidn’tthinkaboutyourofferbecausefrankly,IforgotaboutyouthemomentI

walkedoutofthatrestaurant.Andthree,Imostcertainlydidnotthinkaboutwhatwecoulddotogether
becausethatwouldmeanInoticedyou,whichIdidn’t.Which,Ibelieve,Ijustclarified.”

Sagewrappedherlithesilver-furredbodyaroundmyankles,creatingstaticagainstmypantyhose.I

bentdownandscoopedherup,carefultokeepmyeyesawayfromMr.Everett’scrotch.Iwedgedherlike
ateddybearintomyembraceratherthanlettingherresumeherpositionlikeaparrotonapirate’s
shoulder.

Ineededherclose.IneededtouseherassupportsoIcouldgetoutofthereandawayfromthisman

withouteitherslappinghimorkissinghim.

Icouldn’tunderstandwhymymindflashedwithbrokenthings—ofviolentlyattackinghim,ofgiving

intotheunexplainablefuryheinvokedinme.

Thewayhewatchedme,withalanguorsimmeringwithbitterness,saidifIgaveintosuchstupidity

andstartedsomething,he’dbetheonetoenditwithmeslammedagainstthewallandhishandsupmy
skirt.

Ididn’tlikehim.
Imostcertainlydidn’twanthim.
Atall.
Hechuckledsoftly.“Nowwho’stheliar,Ms.Charlston?”Hesniffedtheair,almostasifhecould

dragmyperfumeandtruthintohislungs.“Youdidthinkaboutmeandyou’rethinkingaboutwhatwe
coulddorightnow.”Heloweredhischin,watchingmefromshadowedeyes.“Aren’tyou?”

Iclenchedmyteethanddidn’treply.AhaughtysniffwouldhavetodobecauseIdidn’ttrustmyselfnot

tocursehimtotheunderworldandcallforsecurity.

Ineversufferedpassionassickasthis.NeverwantedtocausephysicalharmtosomeoneI’donlyjust

met.

Hewasallwrong.
Hemademygoodturnbad.
Leave.
Rightnow.
Withaglare,Ispunaroundandstalkedtowardthewalkwayandfreedom.
Only,therehewasagain,dartingaroundmeandplantinghimselfinmytrajectory.Wedginghishands

inhisgrayslackpockets,hesmirked.“Wanttoknowmyanswerstothosethreequestions?”

Hisvoicerippledovermymindbuthispostureturnedasimplequestionintoalabyrinthofdisbelief.

Somethingaboutthewayhemoved—thewayhishandssoughtthesanctuaryofhispockets.

Itwasfamiliar.
Hetoreapartmywonderingbyleaningclose,pluckingtheenergylinesstillhummingbetweenus.“Do

youwanttoknow?”

“No.”
“Toobad.”Hehadthegalltowalkforward,forcingmetoeitheraccepthisclosenessorstepback.
Ididn’twanthimtouchingme,soIbackedup.
Andthenanotherstep.
Andanother.
Backandbackheforcedme,allwhileoureyesneverunlockedandnophysicaltouchensued.Hedid

touchme,though.Hisgazesetfiretomyskinwitheverysecondhestared.Icursedthewaymystomach
clenchedasmyspinepressedagainstacabinetholdingt-shirtsineverycolorforanyoccasion.

Hesmiledcoldly.“Seemsyouaren’topposedtodoingwhatyou’retold,afterall.”
“What?”IsqueezedSagesohard,shesharpenedherclawsonmywrist.
“Iwantedyouagainstaflathardsurfaceandwhatdoyouknow...you’reagainstone.”

Mymouthwentdryashishandcameup,loopingaroundthesilverpoleofthecabinetstand.Hedidn’t

hemmein,buthedidleanforwarduntilmostofhisweightpivotedonhisarm,hisbodyhoveringso
damnclose.

Hemademepricklyasacactus,hotasarainforest.
Andwet.
Icouldn’trememberthelasttimesomeonehadpuppeteeredmybodyinsuchaway.
Well,yesIcanremember.
Butatthesametime,Ididn’twantto.NotwhileIwasaffectedbyamansototallydifferenttothat

chocolatekisserinmypast.ItwasridiculousbutIfeltlikeIcheatedonhim—tramplingovermyoathto
helphim,rippingupthedebtIhadtofindandsavehim.

Ihadn’tliveduptomypromiseandeverysecondIspentlickingmylips,drunkoncheapchemistry,I

cheapenedwhat’dhappenedbetweenus.

ThesamerushofpleasureIwantedNamelesstotakenowbeggedforanewmaster.
AndIdon’tevenlikethisman.
Ididn’tlikemyself.
Butitdidn’tmatterbecausemyheartunderstoodhewasanegotisticalassholeandmybodydeemed

himacceptableenoughtoscratchmylust-itchregardless.

Hisgazedroppedtomymouth.Hisvoicewassoft,coaxing.“One,Ididthinkaboutyou.Alotmore

thanIshouldprobablyadmit.Ithoughtaboutforcingyoutoacceptmyoffer,soatleastIcouldgetyou
behindcloseddoors.AndImostcertainlythoughtaboutwhatwecoulddotogether.”

Hisheaderasedthedistance,hismintybreathslippingpastmylipsandsomehowtakingupresidence

inmylungs,suffocatingme.“Ithoughtaboutitintheshower,inbed,fuck,eveninmyoffice.”Hishead
camedown.Hisnosenuzzledtheshellofmyear,disruptingthecrystalearringsoittinkledsoftly.

Hisotherhandcameup,asinglefingerunfurlingandtracinganelectricalcorddownmyarm,slipping

tomysideandboldlypressingagainstmywaisttomyhipbone.“You’reastunningwoman,Elle
Charlston,andyourfatherwasright.Whatevermanyouendupwithisaluckyfuckingbastard,butIdon’t
thinkanyonestandsachance.”

Helookedintomygazewithcold,pityinglook.“Youhaveaprisongatearoundyourselfthatyou’re

tooafraidtounlockandbefree.”

Ihatedthatheunderstoodmewhenhehadnoright.
Idespisedthewayhe’dusedthewordfreewhenImyselfthoughtthatphrasefartoooften.
AndIloathedthathisbodyheatstungminewithsensationandmynipplestightenedtopain.
Ihadnoresolutiontopushhimaway.
HisfingertipsuddenlyleftmyhipboneandlandedonSage’shead.“It’sfunnythatyou’recarryingyour

pussyaround.Isthataninvitationinsomestrangeway?”

Ispluttered.“Getyourhandoffmycat.”
Heimmediatelyhelditupinsurrenderbeforeonceagaintracingafingertipfrommyshouldertomy

wrist.

Ittookeveryounceoftraininganddisciplinenottoshudderorpuddletothefloor.Howlonghadit

beensincesomeonehadpettedme?HowlongsinceI’dbeentouchedotherthanaquickfatherlyhugor
patwelldone?

Never.
That’showlong.
BecauseevenNamelesshadneverstrokedme.He’dgrabbedme,kissedme,fondledme,butnever

stroked.

Isqueezedmyeyes,doingmybesttofindnormalcy.Graspingthefrigidnessinsidethatstillremained

likeaneverthawingglacier,Iwasgladmymisplacedyearningcouldn’tmeltit.

Iwasbetterthanthis.
Betterthanhim.
Sidesteppingwherehisarmwasn’tlatchedtothecabinet,Iduckedaroundarackofhangingslacks

andcloakedmyselfwithgovernment.“Ithinkyouover-estimateyourself,Mr.Everett.Idon’tcareifyou
thoughtaboutmeandIdon’tappreciatethinkingaboutwhatyouweredoingtoyourselfintheshower.”

Igrewbolderashestoodtheresilently,amalevolentglareinhisgaze.
Sagehadenoughofmyembraceandcrawledbacktoherspotonmyshoulders.Withmyarmsfree,I

letthemhangproudandregalwithmybacktightandsmileplastic.“Ifyouthoughtyoucouldoverpower
me,makemeweakintheknees,andforcemetogoonadatewithyou,youfailedyetagain.NotonlyamI
evenmoredeterminednevertoseeyouagain,butyoujustgaveawaytwoverysignificantpiecesof
informationthatmeanyou’renotnearlyasmysteriousasyouthinkyouare.”

“Oh?”Hiseyebrowraised,thefaintestsignofconfusionlurkingbeneaththeheatedcoalofhisirises.

“Andwhatexactlyisthat?”

Igrinnedcondescendingly.“OutofallthedepartmentstoresinNewYork,youhappentochooseBelle

Elle.Andoutofthethreechainswehaveinthecity,youchosetheheadoffice.Whyisthat?Becauseyou
thoughtyoumightbumpintome?”Ishookmyhead.“Pity.Imustadmityoucameattherighttimeand
coincidencedecidedtoshoveustogetherbutonlytoallowmetoclarifythatnomatterwhatyousayor
do,myanswerwillforeverremainno—”

“Seeingasyou’retakingwaytoomuchprideinthinkingyoufiguredoutmyshoppinghabits,let’s

moveon.What’sthesecondthingI’verevealed?”Hispatentleathershoessqueakedashemoved,once
againhintinghewasn’tascomfortableasheimplied.

Hisuncertaintyfedmyresolution.Iheldmychinhigh.“Thatyouaren’tjustamaninasuitlookingfor

aquickone-nightstandinabar.”

“I’mnot?”Hisfaceshutdown.“Howcanyoutell?”
“Becauseyouhaveason.Becauseyoucareenoughtospendafortuneonsomethingridiculous

becauseit’sbasedonself-worth,notthewardrobe.AndbecauseyouandthisunknownLarryperson
obviouslyhavesomeresemblanceofaheart.Otherwise,thatkidwouldn’twanttohaveanythingtodo
withyou,yethewillinglycurledintoyoutoplayAngryBirds.”

Hispostureresembledafuriouspredator.“You’remoreobservantthanIgaveyoucredit.”
“No,I’mnormallythisobservant.”IclippedontothewalkwaytofreedomasifIwasDorothyonthe

yellowbrickroadtothewizard.“Youjustdon’tknowme.”

Istrolledawaybeforehecouldreply.

ChapterFifteen

“THISINVITATIONJUSTarrivedforyou.”Fleurwaltzedintomyofficethefollowingdayinapinkand
yellowsundressthatsomehowflirtedthelinebetweenwork-appropriateandbeachwear.

Iglancedfrommylaptoptotheflockedenvelopesheheld,hatingthewaymymindtookthe

interruptionandranswiftlyfromhumanresourceissuestoonceagainthinkingaboutMr.Everett.

I’dsuccessfullypushedhimawaymoretimesthanIwouldadmit.Ididnotneedhiminmybrain

anymore.Ididn’tevenknowwhyhewasinmybrain.

Wehadsomeweirdformofconnection,butIwouldn’tbuyintothebaitandIdefinitelywouldn’tbe

seducedbyamanIcouldn’tstand.

“Who’sitfrom?”Iheldoutmyhandassheapproachedmydeskandplacedtheheavyinviteintomy

awaitingfingers.

“Ithasareturnaddress.ChloeMathers,Ibelieve.”
“ChloeMathers?”
WhydoIknowthatname?
Amemorytantalizedmewithsomelongignoredrecollection,beggingtobecaughtandtugged.
ChloeMathers...
FleursmiledandshowednointentionofleavingasIspuntheenvelopeinmyhandsandsliceditopen

withaletterknife.

Ifrowned,pullingfreeasinglecardwithbronzeaccentsonthecornersandthestandarddescription

ofbeinginvitedtoaget-together.

Mymindslammedintoremembrance.
“Oh,no,”Igroaned.“ThatChloeMathers.”
Fleurplantedherhandsonmydesk,intriguealloverherface.“Whoisshe?Itdoesn’tsoundlikeyou

likeher.”

“It’snotthatIdon’tlikeher.Moreshedoesn’tlikeme.”Iflippedtheinviteupsidedown,tryingtosee

somethingpersonalorhintthatperhapsshe’dsentthistothewrongperson.

“Shewasthemostpopulargirlinschool.Forafewmonthsoftheyear,whenitcametimeforschool

partiesorproms,shebefriendedme.Sheandherlittlegroupofstuck-upwitcheswouldplymewith
sleepovers—thatIdidn’twanttogoto,butmydadmademe—andholdaseatformeinclass—whichI
neversatinbecausetheyjustcheatedoffmywork—alltodragmetoBelleElleandgetthemdiscountson
dressesandshoes.”

“Childrencanbesuchbrats.”
“Yep.”Inoddeddistractedly,rememberinghowmuchI’dhatedhighschool.HoweveryhourIspent

inthefacultyclassroomsandlistenedtoteachersdroneonwasawastebecause,unlikemypeers,Ididn’t
gettogohomeandplayoutsideorhangwithsweetboyfriendsontheweekends.

Oncethebellrang,DavidpickedmeupanddrovemetoBelleEllewhereI’dworkuntilwellpast

mostotherstudents’bedtimes.

Ilookedup,nibblingwithuncertaintyandnervesIthoughtI’ddeletedfrombeinganoutcastatschool.

“Doyouthinktheysentitbymistake?Whywouldtheyinviteme?”

“Whatisit?”Fleurpluckedtheinvitefrommyhold,scanningthedetails.“Ithasyournameonthetop,

soitisn’tamistake.”

Shereadoutloud,“You’recordiallyinvitedtospendtheeveningreminiscingandsharinglife’s

progresswiththegirlsfromSt.Hilga’sEducationthiscomingFridayatthePalmPolitics.Yourselfand
plusoneareinvited.”Shewrinkledhernose.“Ugh,Icanheartheircontemptuousattitudesjustfroma
genericinvitation.”

Ihungmyhead,massagingthemusclesinmyneck.“It’sshortnotice,isn’tit?DotheymeanthisFriday

ornext?”

Sheglancedattheenvelope,peeringatthestamp.“Uhoh,it’stonight.Itwassentaweekago.Iguess

itgotlostinthemailroom.Itis,afterall,addressedtoElletheDingDongBelle.”

Ismotheredmyfaceinmyhands.“Oh,God,don’tremindmeofthatawfulnickname.”
“Man,kidsarecruel,”Fleurmuttered.
Ididn’tuntanglemyselffrommyhands,pretendingthepinklightcomingthroughmyfingerscould

erasemychildhood,andIcouldforgetaboutpranksandnastylittlegirls.

Fleurstraightenedsomepaperworkonmydesk,stackingapileoffolders,andplacingafewstray

pensintomystainlesssteelholder.Whenorderhadbeengranted,andmynerveshadcalmedsomewhat—
remindingmetheycouldn’thurtmeanymore—thatIwasinmyBelleElletowerandtheyweredown
thereinManhattansomewhere,Ilookedupandbreatheddeep.

Wewerelivingourlives.Awayfromeachother.Itwasperfect.
OnlyFleurruinedmyco-existencebysaying,“Youknowyouhavetogo,right?”
“What?”Mymouthhungopen.“NowayinhellamIgoing.”
“Youhaveto.Nottoprovetothemhowincrediblysuccessfulandpowerfulyouarebuttoproveto

yourself.”

Iscoffed,pluckingapenfromtheholderandtappingitwildlyagainstmynotepad.“Idon’tneedtodo

anythingofthesort.”

Sheplantedahandonherhip,givingmearaisedeyebrowandalookthatsaid‘yeah,right.’
Iignoredher.“Noway.Nohow.”Isnatchedtheinviteandstabbedmyfingerattheplusone.

“Besides,Ihavenoonetogowith.IfIhadsomedrop-deadgorgeousmanwhocouldremindmetostand
tallandnotletthemwin,thenmaybe.ButIdon’t,andthey’llmostlikelyhavetheirmancandywitharug
ratortwo.AndI’mstillanoutcastlikeIalwayswasinhighschoolwithhercat.”

Sagenudgedmyankle,yawningwithhercutelittletongueshapedintoafunnel.
“Iloveyou,Sage,butyou’rehardly‘bringtoaparty’material.”
I’dalreadyunwittinglyshowedhowsadanddepressingmypersonallifewastoMr.Everettby

wearingheronmyshouldersyesterday.

No.
I’dhadenoughembarrassmentinmylifealreadywithoutaddingmoretoit.
Refreshingmylaptopscreen,Ididmybesttoreadforecastnumbersandfindthemriveting.
Fleurshifted.“Ireallythink—”
“No.”Ikeptmyeyesgluedonthespread-sheet.“Now,ifthereisn’tanythingelse,I’dappreciatesome

quiet,soIcangetthisdone.”

Shesniffedbutturnedandploddeddramaticallytothedoor.Reachingit,sheturnedwithaspinsofast

itkickedoutherdressintoatulipflare.“Youknowwhat?I’mtakingchargeofthis.Youworethativory
andcaramellacedressbecauseImadeiteasyforyoutodoso.Thisisthesamesortofthing.Iknowyou
don’tlikehim,buthe’shandsomeandwillhaveyourback.”

Myheartfrozeintoapopsicle.
She’llcallMr.Everett?
Howdoessheknowabouthim?
Hewon’thavemyback.
He’llfindsomeothersurfacetopushmeagainstandterrorizememore.

Istiffened.“No,Fleur.Whateveryou’rethinking.Stopit.”
“You’llthankmeonceyou’veseenyourselfintheireyes.Whenyou’vefelttheiraweathowhardyou

workandtheirenvyatyourunlimitedbankaccounts.Andyou’llpretendyouaren’t,butyou’llbehappy
whentheyflirtwithyourmanandfindoutheonlyhaseyesforyou.”

She’sgoingtodoit.
She’llcallhim.
She’lldeliberatelysabotagemydesirenevertoseehimagain.
BeforeIcouldtellherIhadnointentionofbeingfulfilledbyjealousyorhadanydesiretoannounce

totheundeservingwitchesfromhighschoolwhatmybankaccountlookedlike,shewasgone.

Toruinmylife.
AndIcouldn’tdoathingtostopit.

ChapterSixteen

“I’MGOINGTOkillmyassistanttomorrow.”

DavidraisedaneyebrowasIclimbedfromthebackseatoftheRangeRover.“Niceofyoutoinform

me.I’llensuretheappropriatelawyersarecalled.”

Igavehimagrimsmile.“Idonotwanttobehere,David.Doyouthink—”
Hesmotheredaslightgrin.“Ma’am,ifyouwant,I’lldriveyourighthome.Butifyoudon’tmindme

saying,youlookbeautiful,anditseemsashametowastesuchbeautywithouthavingonedrinkbeforeyou
go.”

Inarrowedmyeyes.“You’reameddler.Justlikesheis.”
“I’mnothingofthesort.Infact,I’llhelpwiththemurdertomorrowiftonightisnotasuccess.”He

closedthebackdoorandheadedtowardthedriver’sseat,leavingmeabandonedonthesidewalkaboutto
enterthedragon’splayground.“Considermeawillingaccomplice.Now,goandhavefun,andcallme
whenyou’rereadytoleave.”

Myemotionswerefullofpoutinessandfrustration.IcouldjusttellhimIwasreadynow.ButIwasn’t

afour-year-old,andhewasright.Itwouldbeawastenottogoinforasecond—especiallyafterFleur’s
wardrobeministrations.

NotthatIapproved.
Thedressshe’dchosenwasthemostdaring,risquéthingI’deverworn.Foracocktailget-together,

she’dgoneoverthetopwitharusset-goldsilkgownthatslinkedaroundmyanklesandsplituponelegto
mid-thigh.Thebackwasnon-existentwithjustenoughheighttocovermyassbutleavemyspineexposed,
whilethefrontswoopeduptomythroatinagatheredcowl.

She’devengoneasfartodomyhairforme.She’dfishtailbraidedit,soitsatovermyleftshoulder

andkeptmynakedbackondisplay.

Theentiretimeshefussedwithmyhairandmakeup,I’dmutteredshewasfiredandtostartlooking

forotheremployment.

Butoncesheshowedmethefinishedproduct,shovedmeintothecar,andtoldmemydatewouldmeet

methere,Ihadtoadmitasmidgen(ateenytinysmidgen)ofexcitementfilledmetohaveanightoutwith
peopleotherthanbusinessassociatesormyfatherandSteve.

Andtobehonest,IlookedforwardtospendinganeveninglookingthewayIdidwhiletormentingand

verballysparringwithMr.Everett.Itwasthethoughtofhimbeingtheretotakethespotlightoffmefrom
thenastyschoolgirlsthatmovedmyunwillingfeetintothenightclubwhereasmallsectionhadbeen
ropedoffforourreunion.

PalmPoliticswasastrangeblendoftropicalfrondsandthedécorofacourtoflaw.Onefreedomand

sunshine.Theotherprisonandshadow.Thebarwasthepodiumwherethejudgewouldsitandthebooths
dottedaroundwereaminioasisinaboardroomofwoodandstrobelightsentencing.

Goosebumpscoveredmyskin—partlyfromcoldandpartlyfromanxietyatfacingthesewomenagain

—especiallyinaplacesuchasthis.Whycouldn’titbeasimplebarwithnothemeormessage?

Ihatedanythingtodowithlawcourtsandpolice—itonlylayeredmyguiltwithmorerancidicingat

thethoughtofNameless.

I’dtried.I’dfailed.Ihadn’tgivenupbuteventheweeklyphonecallsImadetopoliceofficerswho

werekindenoughtoanswermyquestionshadnonews.

IfIwasaluckysleeperwhoenjoyedvibrantdreams,Imight’veconcludedhewasmerelymadeupof

fantasiesandheroism,boundtogetherbyimaginationmagic,andmadebrilliantbyadolescentdevotion.

Buthehadtohavebeenreal.
Istillhadthefaintestscaronmynapefromwheremysapphirestarhadbeenrippedaway,andIstill

enduredthefaintestseductionofchocolateonmylipswhenIwasblessedenoughtodozeinhisdream-
company.

Standinginthepaddlingpoolofpartiers,Idoubledmypromisetodomore.Totrackhimdown,no

matterthecost.

Startingtomorrow.
OrtonightifIcanleaveearly.
Myminordiscomfortatbeingwatchedbyleeringjudgesandglintingprisonbarsswitchedtomajor

annoyanceasGregappearedfromthecrowd,holdingaglassofchampagneandaginandtonic.

Myheartinstantlytobogganeddownacliffandshotofftheedgeindenial.
Oh,God,I’msostupid.
Ofcourse,Fleurhadn’tinvitedMr.Everett.
NooneknewI’dseenhimagain,andonlymyfatherknewwhat’dhappenedattheWeepingWillow.
Shehasnoclueheexists,sohowcouldIthinkshe’dinvitehimasmydate?
I’manidiot.
Shehadn’truinedmyaloofnessatrefusingMr.Everett’soffertotakemeout.Butshehadsentenced

metoendureaterribleevening.

Therewouldbenobanter.
Nosexybutterflies.
NothingbutobligationtoensureIremainedprofessional—soIdidn’thurtGreg,myfather,orSteve,

andcouldlookeveryoneintheeyeonMondaywithnoregretsordismay.

Itdidn’tmattermylifewouldbesomuchsimplerifIjustgaveintowhateveryonewanted.Butmy

heartwasstubbornanddidn’tfindGregromancematerialintheslightest.

“Hi,Elle.”Gregpassedmethechampagne.
Ididn’tevenlikechampagne.Ifhecaredformeasmuchashepretendedto,hewould’veremembered

thatfromalltheforceddinnerswe’denduredwithourfathers.

Thenightsuddenlylookedathousandtimesworse.
Imightbeabitchintheboardroom,butIwasn’tmean,andGreghaddroppedwhateverplanshehad

tobeherewithmejustbecauseFleurhadcalledhim.

Iwouldn’tbenasty.
ButIwouldn’tbeoverlygracious,either.
“Hello,Greg.”Isippedthecoldbubbles,hidingmygrimace.“It’sveryniceofyoutocomewithme.I

hopeFleurdidn’tinterruptyourevening.”

Hegrinned,swipingahandthroughhisdarkblondhairashisoverlywhiteteethcaughtthestrobe

lightglitteringabove.“Notatall.Whenshecalled,Icouldn’tbelievemyluck.Finally,anightoutjustthe
twoofus.”Heleanedinwithawink.“Awayfromthechaperones.”

Ihidmydistaste,forcingasmile.“Exactly.”
Heslottedhimselfbesidemeand,withoutaskingpermission,wrappedhisarmaroundmywaist.The

warmthofhisbareforearmtingledmyspineandnotinagoodway.He’dcometothiswearingawhitet-
shirtandblackjeans.Helookedhandsome,ofcourse—hewasagoodlookingguy—butcomparedtothe
gownIworeandthefineryFleurhadgracedmewith,Icameacrossasridiculouslyoverdressed.

Myheartplummetedevenfurtheroffthecliff,splatteringontheunforgivingterrainbelow.
Tonighthadslippedfromdisastertoannihilation.Chloewouldneverletmelivethisdownifthey

wereallinsemi-formalclothingandIappeareddressedlikeapromqueen.

Doesitmatter,though?
Mybraintriedtobematureandseethebiggerpicture.SowhatGregwasn’tinasuit—itwasn’tlife

ordeath.SowhatImightbeover-dressedandChloemightbethesamecowIremembered—noneofit
madeanydifferencetomytomorrow.Iwouldstillbeme.IwouldstillbeassafeandashappyasIwas
yesterday.

Bebrave,Elle.
Andthenleavewithdignity.
Straighteningmyshoulders,IsteppedoutofGreg’sembracebutimmediatelyloopedmyarmthrough

hisbeforehisfacecouldfall.

Squeezinghisbicepinthanks,Isaid,“Let’sgomingle,shallwe?”

*****

TwohoursIlasted.

TwohourswhereIwasnolongermebutabetterversionofme.Noellewasleftbehind,andElle

usedthesametechniquesfromdealingwithmentwiceheragetowieldmundaneconversationwithgirls
she’dlongsinceforgottenabout.

Therewaspotty-trainingchatswithMelanieandfakeoohingandahhingoverherone-year-old

Facebookpictures.TherewasbiologyclassreminiscingwithFrankie,pretendingIfeltthesameway
aboutourteacherMr.Bruston,andhowsexyhismustachehadbeen.

Yeah,notatall.
ThereweresnippetsofcattinessfromMariaandSaraaboutwhooughttohavegoneoutwithRollo

Smithinsummercamp,andtherequisitefondrecallingwithChloeaboutshoppinglateatnightand
runningriotthroughBelleEllewhenDadletussleepoverinthelady’swaredepartment.

ShecalledmeElletheDingDongBellonlytwice.
Buteachwaslikeaknifeinmyside.
Ididn’tletitshow.
Ididn’thintatvulnerabilityorletmyguarddown.
Greghadnocluehowhardthiswasforme.Hemerelyguffawedatthenicknameandpliedmewith

morechampagneIdidn’twant.

EverysingleconversationIputmyallinto.Ismiledandnoddedandlistened.Mycheekshurtfrom

fakegrinning,myfeetachedfromstanding,andmyexposedbackbecameextrasensitivetoeverything.
Myskinprickledwithminordraftsaspeoplemovedbehindme,warmpatchesaspeoplestoodcloseby,
andeventhetell-taletingleofpeoplestaringatme,itchingspotsonmyshoulderbladesastheireyes
becamefingersandstrokedme.

Outofthesixteenpeoplehere—eightwomenandeightmen—GregandIheldourown.Mydresshad

startedtheposhestofthemall,butasmorepeoplearrived,I’dsettledintoanarrayofchiffonandlace,
finallyacceptingthatFleurknewwhatshewasdoing.

Thedressdidn’ttakeawaymypower.Itgavemepower.Andforthefirsttime,Ibelievedinmyown

self-worthoutsideofBelleElle.ThatIcouldholdmyheadhighandnotbeafraidofjudgmentor
wrongdoing.ThatIwasmyownpersonandnotjustacogintheconglomeratemyfamilyhadcreated.My
worldwasjustasgoodasanyothers—ifnotbetter.

ThereliefinthatgavemeawellofkindnesstoforgetthatGreggotonmynerves,andIdidn’tturn

awayfromhistouchesofaffection.Iacceptedthreemoreglassesofchampagne,eventhoughtheroom
grewwarmandmyskinglowedwithbubblyheat.

Byhourtwo,mybladderhaddonealltheretainingofalcoholitcould,andIexcusedmyselftofind

therestroom.

Greggavemeakissonthecheek—whichIdidn’twipeawaybecausetheliquormadeeverythingthat

muchmoreacceptable—andlefttheroped-offareatomakemywaythroughtheclub.

Iguessedthetimewastenp.m.orso,butalready,theplacecrawledwithbodiesandtheauraofa

goodnightahead.

Findingthebathroom,IenteredandslammedtoastopasIcamefacetofacewithmyreflectionina

full-lengthmirror.

Whothehellisthatwoman?
Herbraidwasalittledisheveledwithcurlsfreeandsoftaroundherface.Herlipswerepuffyfrom

lickingdropletsofchampagnewithremnantsofpalepinklipstick.Hersmokyeyesrimmedbluethat
lookedfartoosatedandhappytobereal.

Ilooked...loose.
MylimbsmovedwitharelaxationIneverhadwhensober.Mymovementslessjerkyandsedate.
Beingtipsysuitsyou.
Irolledmyeyes,listingalittletotheleftastheroomswayed.
BeingtipsywasanewexperienceandoneIwouldn’toftendo.Thefalsecourageandintoxicating

bravadocouldscrewupmycarefulrules.

Gregsuddenlydidn’tseemsoannoying.Chloewasn’tsuchabadgirl.Andthethoughtofgoingto

worktomorrowwasataskIhadnointentionoffulfillingaslongasthebeatofabassytuneworked
throughmybones.

Wantingtoreturntotheparty,IquicklydidwhatIwastheretodoandwashedmyhands.Dryingmy

fingersonapapertowel,Irantheremainingdampnessovermyarmstocoolmyoverheatedskin.

I’dcometothisclubcold,andnow,Iwasburningup.
Somethingelsewasburningup,too.
Somethingthatnormallyonlycamealivearoundfewveryselectmales.Mybreastswereheavy,anda

tuggingsensationdeepinsidemybellydemandedanotherdrink—toletgoforonce.Tostopfightingand
letGregkissmebecausehewastheonlymalearoundwhoknewwhatIwasandwhoIhadtobe.He’d
beenraisedinthesameenvironment.

Sowhatheannoyedmemostofthetimeanddidn’tseemtotrulycareaboutmebutonlymylegacy?

Hewasaman.Iwasawoman.Itwastimetodosomethingaboutmylittleproblemandfigureouthowto
beasexualcreatureandnotanuntouchedvirginanylonger.

Stridingfromthebathroom,Iwalkedwithpurpose,brushingagainststrangersandenjoyingitforonce

ratherthancringingathavingnopersonalspace.Upahead,GreglaughedandtouchedChloe’swaist,
bendingtowhispersomethinginherear.Therestofthegroupmingledintwosandfours,chattingand
drinking.

Iknewthosepeople.
Ihadalife.
Iwasinvitedtopartywiththem.
Ihadfreedom,afterall.
Only,whateverfreedomIthoughtIhadjerkedtoastopasaman’sarmsnakedaroundmywaist,

yankingmeback.MylanguidnessfromchampagnemeantIfoldedneatlyintohisembrace,tooslowto
fight.

Hislipslandedonmyear.“Ifitwascoincidenceyesterday,ithastobefatetoday.”
Ifroze.
WhatevertipsinessIsufferedtripledashishandsroamedmyribcage,takinglibertieshewasn’tgiven,

rubbingthesoftsilkintomyskininwaysthatshouldbeillegal.

“Hello,Elle.”Hislipstracedfrommyeartomythroat,nudgingmybraidtogainbetteraccess.
Ishivered.

Mybodymelted—notfromhimbutthechampagne.Ithadtobethechampagne.Iwouldn’tallowitto

behim.

Suckinginabreath,Itoremyselffromhisembraceandswiveledtofacehim.
Hewasjustasdivine.Justascocky.Justasdangerous.
“Areyoustalkingme?”
Mr.Everettgrinned.“Iwouldn’tdare.”
Hestoodinagraysuitwiththecuffsofhisblazerandwhiteshirtpushedhalf-wayuphisforearms.

Howhemanagedtogetthematerialthathighoverhowmuscularhisarmswere,Ididn’tknow.Thestrobe
lightdecoratedhishair,makingitseemlightthendark,lightthendark.Theyinandyangofrightand
wrong—theglimpseofimperfectionsthatmadehimeternallyfrustrating.

“Afterall,whywastemytimewhentheuniversekeepsputtingyouinmypath?”
Mymouthwateredashisgazelockedontomylips.Ablackravenousnessfilledhiseyesthatanyhot-

bloodedfemaleunderstood—virginorpromiscuous.

“Idon’tbelieveit’stheuniverse.”Iblinked,forcingmyselftoclingbroken-nailtighttosanity.“Ithink

it’ssomesortofgameyou’replaying.”

Heloweredhisjaw,steppingcloseruntilourchestsbrushed.Mynipplestightenedembarrassingly

hard.Notwearingabrameantmyreactionwasnoticeablethroughtheburnishedgolddress.

Helickedhisbottomlip,hisgazedroppingtomybreaststhenbacktomymouth.“IfIwasplaying

something,areyouintriguedenoughtolearntherules?”

“Never.”
Hislipssmiledbuthisfacewastoxic.“Littleliar.”
Hishandcameup,tuckingawaywardcurlbehindmyear.Hisfingerscapturedthediamante

chandelierearringsIwore,tugginggently.“Ithinkyouarereadytoplaywithme,youjustdon’twantto
admitit.”Hebenthishead,breathingintomyear.“I’vebeenpatient,butImeantwhatIsaidtoyour
father.Icanmakeyoudothings,Elle.Thingsyouwanttodo.ThingsIwanttodo.Iparticularlyliked
whenyousaidyou’dgetonyourkneesandcallme,whatwasit?Oh,master?”

Ijerkedback,butwithhisfingersholdingmyearring,Idaren’tmovequicklyorfar.
Hebentforward.Histonguelickedmylobejustonce.
Alightningboltarchedfromhistonguetomybelly.Acrack.Afissure.AdeepcavernousacheI

needed,neededtofill.

“Onedate,”hemurmured.“That’sallI’masking.”
Thechampagneswitchedtomorepotentalcohol.HadItrulyhadfourglasses?Itfeltliketwelve.
Iswaminair.Iwobbledinheat.Iswayedashishandslockedaroundmyhips,draggingmeintohim.

Surroundedbypeopleyetallaloneinourlittlecosmos,herockedhiserectionintomystomach,grinding
histeethwiththesameangrydesirerampaginginmyblood.

Theroomspun.Ididmybesttokeepcontrol.“Idon’t—Idon’tevenlikeyou.”
“Idon’tlikeyou.”
“Then—”Heshockedmemuteashekissedmycheek,thenrewardedsuchsweetnesswithanastynip.
“Thenwhat?”hetaunted.“Finish,Elle.”
Myheadweighedmorethanthegalaxy.“Then...letmego.”
“Can’t.”Thetipofhistonguesoothedthepinchofpainfromhisteeth.
Can’t?
Myminddoggypaddledthroughsyrup.
Whycan’tyou?Isn’tmutualaffectionthefirstkeytounlockingpassionspadlock?
Hisfingersloopedaroundmythroat,fullofthreat,robustwithperil.“Likingeachotherdoesn’t

matter.”Hisfingersdugtighterintomyskin.“Whatmattersishowyoufeelaboutthis.”Heglanced

around,assessinghowpublicwewere,beforehishandswoopedbetweenusandcuppedbetweenmy
legs.

Theworldshottoastandstill.
Therewasnomoremusic.Nomoreclub.
Istoodinmudsothick,Icouldn’tmove.Myonlywayfreewasthisbastardandhewastheone

drowningme.

Everythinginsidemeclenchedthenstretchedthenmultipliedwithathousandscreaming‘mores.’
“Tellmetostop,andI’llstop.Tellmetoremovemyhand,andI’llremovemyhand.”Hisfingers

featheredoverme,rockinghispalmagainstmyclit;hisfingerspressingoverthetightlaceprotectingme.
“Butifyoutellmeyou’reallrightwiththis,ifyoutellmetokeepgoing,thenyouplaybymyrules.You
becomemineineveryfuckingsense.”

Ishiveredashisfingersprobedharder.I’dneverbeentouchedthatway—letaloneinacrowdedbar.
“I—Idon’tknow.”Wordswerethehardestthingintheworldtoform.“Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
“I’llhelpyou.”Hishandvanished.Hisbodyseparatedfrommineashegrabbedmywristand

draggedmeintothedarkhallwayofthebathrooms.Marchingpastthemen’sandwomen’s,hetuckedme
againstthewallandpressedmehardagainstit.

ThemomentIwastrapped,heputhisfullweightonme,grabbedmyleg,andhoisteditoverhiship.
Igaspedasherockedhiserectionagain,pressingdirectlywherehishandhadbeenonlyseconds

before.“Oh—”

“That’soneword.”Hisfaceflashedwithravendesire.“Sayafewmore.Agreetoplaywithme.”
Myheadwantedtorollbackandbreakawayashismouthfastenedagainstmythroat—kissing,biting,

sucking.Iwantednomorethoughts,nomoredosanddon’ts.NomorereasonswhythiswaswrongandI
neededtoenditbeforeIforgoteverything.

Myhandsautomaticallyflewtohishair,yankingonthesoftness,twiningmyfingersthroughhisthick,

healthystrands.Theexquisitefeelofhimjerkedmefromthemoment.Forasecond,I’dexpected
dreadlockedcurlsandchocolate.Ofsoftbeardsandurgentmoonlight.

Mybodyswelledbutmyheartshriveled.
Mr.EverettwasnotNameless.Yethewasthesecondmantoeverkissandtouchmeinsuchaway—

anaccoladeIdidn’tknowifhedeserved.

“Wait—Idon’tknowwhatyouwant.”
Hechuckledintomyneck.“Ithoughtitwasfuckingobvious.”Hethrustup,hisshoessqueakingalittle

onthehardwoodfloorasheslammedmeintothewallwithhispressure.“Iwanttofuckyou,Elle.”

Myinsidespuddledatthecrudeness.Myearsrangformoreevenwhilemylipscurledindisgust.
“Iwanttotakeyou,ownyou,controlyou.”Hisvoiceborderedonferal.“I’mnotgoingtolie.Icould

sayIwantedtodateandpretendtofallforyou.ButIwon’t.”

ConversationhelpedremindmeIwashumannotananimal.Ilatchedontowords.“So...youjustwant

sex?”

“WhatIwantistokissyou.”Hisheadcameup,hislipsglisteningfromsuckingmythroat.“Letmedo

that,thendecideontherest.”

Hehypnotizedme.Hecorruptedme.
Ibreathedfast.
Hesawasplit-secondanswer—ananswerIwishedIcouldretract—andhismouthdescendedon

mine.

Hislipsweresoftbutcommanding,tearingthroughmychastity,spearinghistonguepastmyteeth.
Imoanedashetookakissandturneditintosomethingelse.Heswitcheditintowaterandfireand

heatandchill.Hehoistedmeupthewalluntilthefloornolongerexisted,justair.Holdingmeupwithhis
hipsjammedagainstmine,hesearedourbodiestogether.

Andthen,itwasover.
Sharp,sweet,sudden...entirelysoul-destroying.
“Sayyes.”
“Yes?”
“Yestolettingmehaveyou.”Hisvoiceblistered.“Sayyesandyou’remineandwhatevercomesnext

ismychoice,notyours.You’llanswertome.I’lldowhateverthehellIwant.Sometimes,you’llhateme.
Othertimes,you’llbegratefulformyinterference.Mostofthetime,you’llprobablywanttokillme.”

Hekissedmeagain.“ButIcanpromiseyouifyousayyes,fuckI’llmakeyoufeelgood.I’llgiveyou

whatyou’vebeenlookingfor.I’llmakeyoufree.”

Thestreamofeloquencematchedhishard-edgedcharm.Hewaspretty.Toopretty.Soprettyit

maskedtheuglinesshiddeninside.Itmademeforgetthatthereweremorethingstoseekthanjustbeauty
—deeperthings.Thingshedidn’tpossess.

Inthathallway,inhisarms,Ididn’tcare.
IhatedthatIdidn’tcare.
Butthatwasthetruth.
Hemademeshallow.
“Elle?”Avoiceinterruptedourrapidbreathingandachingbodies.
Instantly,Mr.Everettletmefalltomyheels,backingawayandsubtlyarranginghisblazeroverthe

obviouserectioninhisslacks.Hiseyesneverleftmine,fullofpromisesandmenacingintimidation.

Igulped,lookingoverhisshoulderatthemanwho’dinterruptedwhateverthehellhadhappened.
Greg.
Smoothingmyhair,Isteppedforward.
Mr.Everettfellintorhythmwithme,crossinghisarmslikeasilentprotectorandaggressorallinone.
Greggloweredathim.“Whothehellareyou?”
Mr.Everettglancedatmewithawickedsmirk.Thatsmirkheldeverysentencehe’duttered.Every

commandanddescription.Hewantedme.Iwantedhim.Hedidn’tlikeme.Ididn’tlikehim.

Hatredturnedtofrenzy.
Aperfectdrugfordanger.
Everett’slipsmoved;hisvoiceworsethanthechampagnewithintoxication.“WhoamI,Elle?”
Mybloodquiveredtofinishwhathe’dstarted.Mybrainshort-circuitedtobypassthefactIwanted

himwhilehatinghim.Ifhecouldknockmesooffbalancewithjustakiss,whatcouldhedotomeinbed?

He’dmademeselfishaswellasshallow.
ButIcan’tsleepwithhim.
CouldI?
Ididn’tlikehim.Ididn’ttrusthim.Idefinitelydidn’tbelieveIcouldeverfallforhim.
Sowhat?
You’reoldenoughtohavesexwithnostrings.
He’sproventohaveaheartsomewhere.Hehasason.
He.Has.A.Son.
HecouldhaveawifeandbaggageandsomanyothermysteriesIcouldn’thopetosolve.Carnalgreed

couldnevertrumpsuchlaws.

Curlingmyhands,Ishookawaythefervourhe’ddazedmewith.
Itdidn’tmatterIwanted,needed,craved.Itwouldneverhappen...ifhewaswithanother.
Buthemightnotbe.
Areyousayingyou’dignoreeverythingelseandusehimifhe’ssingle?
Mynervesreturnedathousandfold.

WhenIdidn’treply,Mr.Everettpromptedme.“Answeryourfriend.TellhimwhoIamtoyou.”He

narrowedhiseyes.“AreweplayingorshallIwalkaway?”

Suchaninnocentquestionloadedwithsexualmistandunsatisfiedmisery.
Myfingersfelltomydress,strokingthematerial,seekingcomfortandanswers.
“Whatthefuckisgoingon,Elle?”Gregmarchedforward.
Icouldn’tbelievethechampagnehadmademethinkIcouldtoleratehim.AfterbeingkissedbyMr.

EverettandthenevenremotelyentertainingtheideaofdoingthesamewithGreg,Icouldn’timagineit.It
wouldbelikeseeingthemostspectacularsunsetonlytobetoldIhadtoliveinfogtherestofmylife.

“Onesecond,Greg.”Iheldupmyhand,testingthelocksandchainsaroundmysexualityasthey

quakedunderpressure.“Answeronequestion,Mr.Everett.ThenI’llgiveyouananswer.”

“Fine.”Aslygrindecoratedhishandsomeface.“Butrestassuredifyouranswerisyes,that’sthelast

timeyou’llcallmeMr.Everett.”

“Oh?”
HelookedtriumphantlyatGregashebenttowhisperinmyear.“You’llbescreamingmynameasI

stickmytongueinsideyou.You’llbesobbingmynameasImakeyoucomeoverandfuckingover.”

Istumbled.
Hishandgrabbedmyelbow,alowchuckleonhisbreath.“ThatnameisPenn.Youmightaswellget

usedtoitif,ofcourse,youransweriswhatIhope.”

“Elle,areyousick?”Gregcameforward,hiseyestryingtomurderMr.Everett...ImeanPenn.
Iwavedhimaway,flushedandnauseous,entirelytooskittishtobehemmedinbyanothermanafter

flashesofnakednessanddirtysexswarmedmymind.

“Yes,I’mfine.”IgnoringGregandgivingallmyattentiontoPenn,Iasked,“Myquestionis,areyou

withthemotherofyourchild?”

Penndidn’treply.
“What?”Greg’seyeswidened.“Notonlyareyoucheatingonmewiththisscumbaginanightclub

hallwaybuthe’scheatingonafamily?”Hethrewhishandsup.“Forfuck'ssake,Elle,Ithoughtyouwere
betterthanthat.Yourfatherbelievesyou’rebetterthanthat.Myfatherbelievesyou’rebetterthanthat.”

Isnarled,hatingthedisgustinhisvoiceeventhoughIhadn’tdoneanythingwrong.Notyet,atleast.If

thatwashowthosewhoknewmewouldlookatme,Iwantednothingtodowithwhateverkinkypleasure
Pennoffered.

ButitwasasifPennknewthat.
Hebroughtmeclose,whisperinginmyearagainasIkeptmyeyeslockedonGreg.“I’llansweryour

question,butI’llalsoanswertheotheryoujustthought.First,I’mnotmarriednorhaveIeverbeen.I’mas
singleasyouare.I’masconfinedasyouare.That’sallyouneedtoknow.Second,you’rerighttothink
peoplewilljudgeyou.ThemomentI’vebeeninsideyou,peoplewillknow.You’llbedifferent.You
won’tbeabletohelpit.Rumorswillstart.Friendswillchange.Futureloveinterestswillhateyou.”

Istiffened,buthepulledmecloser.“ButIwon’tletyoubesubjecttothoserumorsalone.Tellmeyes,

andItakecontrol.Youwon’thavetomakeanydecisionsortakeresponsibilityforwhatwedo.It’llall
beonme.”Histonguetracedtheshellofmyear,hiddenfromGregthankstomyfishtailbraid.“Giveme
thatword,Elle,andI’llshowyouexactlywhatImean.”

Istoodatthecrossroads,staringatGregandthefuturemyfatherwanted—theonewhereIstoodside

bysidewithamanwhoknewBelleEllethewayIdidandwouldhelprunthebusiness—whileastranger
heldmeandpressedhiscockagainstmyhip,blatantlyclaimingwhatwasn’thistoclaim.

Onewasalong-termchoice.Theotherashort-termadventure.
I’dhadenoughlong-termcommitmentsinmylife.Iwantedtobedifferent.Iwantedarumorortwo

becausethatwouldmeanIwasinterestingandnotpredictable.

Gregmademydecisionridiculouslyeasy.

Hecameforwardandgrabbedmyotherelbow,pullingmeawayfromPenn.“Elle,I’mwillingto

overlookwhateveryoujustdidwiththisbastard.You’redrunk.IknowIshouldneverhavegivenyouthat
champagne.Letmetakeyouhomewhereyoubelong.”

Home.
Inolongerwantedtobeathome.
Iwantedtobelostandcrazyandwild.
Iyankedmyarmfromhishold.“I’msorry,Greg.ButIshould’vetoldyou.”
“Tellmewhat?”
LockingmyeyesonPenn’s,Iwhispered,“Yes.Myanswerisyes.”Alittlelouder,Iadded,“Butit

doesn’tmeanIlikeyou.”

“Doesn’tmeanIlikeyou,either.”Pennsmiledfullofcreamandsharpnessandcalmlywrappedhis

armaroundmyshoulders,tuckingmeclose.

Together,wefacedGreg.
Ididn’tknowwhatIexpectedPenntodo,butitwashisturntobeincharge.Iwasinchargeona

minutebasisineveryaspectofmyworld.Ifhewantedtosharethatcontrolinafewareas,thenfine...be
myguest.

“Imustapologize,too.”Pennsmiledcoldly.“Weweren’treadytotellpeople,butIguessnowisas

goodatimeasany.”

“Tellpeoplewhat?”Greg’seyesfilledwithpanic,notatknowinghe’dlostmebutthathe’dlostany

chanceatowningBelleElle.Histruecolorsrevealed.

Reliefsiphonedthroughmetobefreeofwhatevertakeoverhe’dplanned.TofinallyseewhatI’d

suspectedallalong—thatIwasrighttobewaryofhim,smarttolistentothefaintwarningbellswhenever
hewasaround.

“TellthemthatElleandI...we’retogether.”
IflinchedalittleasPennkissedmycheek.StilluncomfortableandarousedandsoconfusedIhadno

ideaifthiswaswhatIwantedornot.

Toolatenow.
“Elleismine.Infact,I’mtakingherhomerightnow.Myhome.”Hepushedmeforward,deliberately

forcingGregtothesidesowecouldpass.“We’lljustsayourgoodbyestotheothers.”

GregsplutteredsomethingIdidn’thear.
IturnedtoPenn.“Whatdoyoumeantheothers?”
“Thereunionyou’reherewith.”
Howdoesheknowthat?
ItaddedtoalltheotherquestionsIhadabouthim.Alltheponderingsandwonderingsanditchy

uncertaintiesheinvoked.

WasitcoincidenceatBelleElleormanipulationthathe’dbeentherewhenI’ddonemyrounds?
Wasitluckhewasheretonightorcarefulplanning?
WouldanswerstothosequestionschangewhatIwasabouttodowithhim?
ThatwasonequestionIdidn’twantananswerto.
Myheartraced,alreadyoutofbreathwithwhatI’dagreedtoparticipatein.“Let’sjustgo.I’llcall

themtomorrowwithmyapologies.”

“Oh,sillygirl.”Helaughed.“Themomentyousaidyesallyourchoicesbecamevoid.Thisismy

gamenow.”

ChapterSeventeen

“YOUMUSTBEChloe.”

“Iam.”Thegirlwhotormentedmeinhighschoolsimpered,tossingherredhairlikeahigh-strung

model.Hergreendresscomplementedthetanshesaidshe’dearnedfromtheCaribbeanlastweek.Her
gazesankintoPennasifheweresomeprizetobewon.Aprizeshe’dverymuchliketotaste.

Pennpulledmetohisside,featheringhishandupanddownmyarm.Suchasimpletouch,butit

bruisedwithclaiminganddomination.

“Ibelieveyouknowmypartner,Elle.”Themasteryofhisvoiceanddamningsentencelockedmy

spineandmadeChloejolt.

“Wait,partner?”Sheblinked.“IthoughtshewaswithGreg.”ShegloweredatthewayPennfound

subtlewaysoftouchingme.Hereyesfoundmine,hotwithjealousy.

I’dneverseenthatgrislyemotiononherfacebefore.ShebelievedIwasbeneathhertoevercovert

whatIhad.

Nottonight,itseems.
Shesniffed.“Yougottwomennow,DingDongBell?Alittlegreedy,don’tyouthink?”Hergiggle

wasforcedandfake.

Foramoment,I’dbeenproudtoearnhercattiness.Pennwasthetypeofmananywomancould

appreciateanddesirewithhiscrispsuit,unreadableeyes,andaloofhandsomeness.

Butthatdamnnicknamestoleeverything,hurtlingmebacktotheschoolhallwaysasifI’dneverleft.I

wantedtosinkintothegroundandneverreappear.

IwaitedforPenntomockme,justasGreghad.Itensedforhimtosnickerandrollhiseyesatmy

misfortune.Buthestoodcoldandprimitive,avelvetpurrfallingfromhismouth.“That’san
unimaginativeslurtocallafriend,don’tyouthink?”

Chloefluffedherhair.“Oh,Elleknowsit’sinaffection.Don’tyou,Bellie?”
Ididn’trespond.
Penndid,though.“Unoriginalnicknamesareasignoflowintelligence.”Hissnarkcutthroughher

tartnesswithanaxe.“Andinanswertoyourcondescendingquestion...Elleonlyhasonepartner.Me.And
believeme,I’mallshe’lleverneed.”Hiseyessmoulderedwithdecadentchocolate.“I’llmakesureof
that.”

Hiscaressesturnedheavywithguarantee.Hedancedthelineofappropriateandwicked,deliberately

steppingoverittoantagonizethoseIhadnowishtoantagonize.

Iwasn’tpettyorprideful.
Iwantedtoleave.
Iopenedmymouthtoreply,butPennsqueezedme,keepingmesilent.Histouchwasahotpoker

controllingmeandmakingmewetinequalmeasure.

Theothergirlsfromschoolslowlylookedupfromtheirconversations,payingattentiontothetense

standoffwhiletryingtoappearuninterested.

Theydidn’tfoolPennormeashesmiledhissignaturesexysmirkandgrabbedmychin.Hislips

plantedonmineinabrutalkiss,markingme,consumingmeashistonguestolemyargumentsandhis
powerpinchedmyremainingbreath.

Hestupefiedme.

Hebewitchedme.
TheinstantIreleasedthetensioninmyspine,heletmego—asifhe’ddeliberatelykissedmetokeep

meoutofmyheadandinmybodywithhim.

“Areyougoingtotellthemthegoodnews,orshallI?”Hisauthoritativetoneblendedwithadark

flirt.

Iblinked.“Tellthemwhat?”
Iwasonestepbehind.
Icouldn’tcatchup.
I’dneverbeenthatwaybefore.I’dalwaysbeentheboss—alwaysleading.Ididn’tknowifIliked

beingafollower.

“Tellthemyou’vedecidedtoletmeownyou.”
“Wait,what?”Chloe’smouthhungopen.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
Ishookmyhead,rubbingthesuddengoosebumpsonmyarms.Pennsaidwewereplayingagame.Yet

Ididn’tknowtherulesorwhatwasexpected.Toverbalizeitinsuchcrudetermsinfrontofthebitches
frommypastwasn’tappropriate.

Myforeheadfurrowed.
HeansweredChloebeforeIcould.“Wemetafewdaysago,anditwasloveatfirstsight.”He

draggedmeclose.“IttooksomeconvincingbutEllehasagreedtogivemeachance.”Heglancedat
Chloe,fillinghisprettyfacewithardentsatisfaction.“Shesaidyes.”

“Yestowhat?”Frankieappeared,eyeingPennfromhisblackshoestohisfiveo’clockshadow.
“Yestomarryingme.”
Theworldscreechedtoahalt.
Wait...what?
“No,I—”Iflinched,tryingtotearmyselffromPenn’sembrace.
Heheldmetighter,hisfingerssinkinglikekeysintomyarms,turningalock,keepingmeboundtohim

anduseless.

Chloe’smouthhungwider.“Wow,Elle,Ineverknew—”
“Neverknewshewasthesexiestwomanalive?”Pennsnarledwithsuddenviciousness.“Neverknew

shewasoneoftherichestwomenalive?Neverknewthatshewastentimesthefuckingwomanyou’ll
everbe?”

Istoodstunned.
Whydidhefightforme?
Thiswastoomuch.Toofast.Tooscary.Toofaroutofmycomfortzone.
Yestomarryinghim?
Ineveragreedtothat.
I’dagreedtosex.
Stupid,silly,sensualsex.
Andnow,it’stimetosayno.
Itoremyselffromhisembrace,mybodyshaking.“Stop.That’snottrue.Don’tspreadsuchlies.”I

staredhelplesslyatChloewhosefacehadturnedsnowwhite.“I’msosorry.Ignorehim.Idon’tknow
what’sgottenintohim.We’veonlyjustgottogether.We’renotengaged.He’snot—”

“Whatmyfiancéehereistryingtosay—”Penninterrupted.“Isshe’stookind-heartedtorubher

successinyourfaceeventhoughyoudothesametoher.Idon’tneedtohearstoriesofwhatitwasliketo
growupwithyou.Iseeher,andIseeyou,andIunderstandtheshadowyoumadeherexistin.Butnot
anymore.”

Histeethflashedashesnarled.“I’mstealingherfromyounow.Fromallofyou.She’smine.Andit’s

asadlossthatyouneverfiguredoutwhatanincrediblecreatureyouhadunderyournosestheentire

time.”

Gregsidledup,hatestaresfiredatPenn.“Youdon’tknowjack,dipshit.ElleandIwereraised

together.Iknowherafuckloadbetterthanyoueverwill.”

“You’retheblindestofthemall.”Pennpointedathim.“Idon’tcarehowlongyou’veknowneach

other.Youfuckedup.”Helaughedlow.“You’llnevergetherbackbecauseshe’llneverbethesameonce
I’vehadher.”

Mycheeksturnedintoflamesofhell.Iduckedmychin,doingmybesttohide.Iwantedtheclubto

vanishandPenntodisintegrateintodust.

Wordsandcursestangledtospewathim,buthepulledmefromthecrowd,awayfromcringe-worthy

declarations,awayfromhighschooltrollsandwannabeboyfriends,andthroughthenightclubtothefresh
airoutside.

Imanagedafewgulpsofoxygenbeforeheyankedmedownthealleybetweenthenightclubanda

restaurantandslammedmeagainstthebrickwall.

Quicksilvermemoriesofanotheralleyandanothermantriedtotwistmypresentwithmypast.

Garbledcommands,rippedclothing,fistsflyinginthedark.

Namelessshotbrightintomythoughts.
Hisblackhoodie,hisclosed-offanswers,hismind-meltingkiss.
AndthenhistoryhadnopowerasPenn’slipscrashedovermineandhereplacedmyrememberedkiss

withasavageone.

Hekissedmeandthenhekissedme.
Eachswipeofhistongueblastedthroughmydecorum,draggingalivethesexualbeingwho’dnever

beenallowedtoevolve.

Hisrighthandbunchedmydressupmyleg.Mybraintriedtosplit—tofocusonthefoottrafficonlya

fewfeetawayandnotontheblisteringheatofhisfingertipsonmyinnerthigh.

Andthennothingelsematteredashistouchfoundmycore,pushingagainstmyunderwear.
Hedidn’taskpermission.
Hedidn’tpullbacktoseeifIwasokaywiththis.
Hemerelykissedmeandfingeredmeoverthelace.
AllIwantedtodowastoletgo.Totrustinthemagichecreatedinmybloodandallowhimtobeas

arrogantashewanted.Totakecharge.

ButIcouldn’t.
Icouldn’tlethimgetawaywithwhathe’dsaid.Hislies.HisverbalbashingtopeopleIhadto

conversewith.

Hewasfartoobrashanddaredevilformyworld.
Hismouthkeptworkingmine,draggingamoandeepfrommylungs.
IhadasecondbeforeIdrownedunderhispowerfulwaveandlostmyself.AsecondandthenIwould

begone,andIcouldn’tblameanyonebutmyself.

SoIbithim.
Myteethsankintohislip,notholdingbackasIdidtheonlythingIcouldtoslowthingsdownand

breathe.

Hestumbledbackward,holdinghisbottomlipwhereabeadofbloodwelled.“Fuck.”
Myribcageroseandfell.Isuckedingasps,givingintotheslighthysteriahe’dcaused.Iheldupa

shakyfinger.“Don’ttouchme.”

“Touchyou?Fuck,Iownyou.”
MybraidcaughtlikeVelcroonthebricksbehindmeasIshookmyhead.“No.Youdon’t.”
Hiseyesetchedwithblack.“Yousaidyes,remember?”
“Yestoabeneficialsexualrelationship.Nottodamnmarriage!”

“That’swhat’sgotyouafraid?Marriage?”Hechuckled“Ihavenointentionofmarryingyou.”
Ifrowned.“Thenwhylieaboutit?”
“Whynot?”Heshrugged.“Whydootherpeoplehavetoknowexactlywhatwedoandwhoweare?

Whydotheyhavetohearourtruthwhenthey’resofuckingfakethemselves?”

Ihatedthathehadapoint.
Heplacedahandonthebrickwallbymyhead,hisbodyswayingintomine.Ifhetouchedmeagain,I

doubtedI’dhavethewillpowertostophimforasecondtime.Myclitstillthrobbedfromhistouch,the
echoingbandsofreleaseaphantomcryinmyveins.

“Stayback.”
Heloweredhishead,atightsmileonhislips.“Fine.”Holdinghishandsupinsurrender,hekepthis

distancebutdidn’tmoveaway.“Whatwillittakeforyoutoletmetouchyouagain?”Hisvoicedropped
tosandandsleet.“BecauseIreallywanttotouchyouagain.”

Ishivered,doingmybesttokeepmythoughtsfocusedandnotonthemoltenheatinside.Havinghim

soclosedidn’thelp.He’dbeengorgeousintheclub—dappledinstrobesandpaintedinshadows—but
outhere;outherewherethevaguelightsofapartmentsandstreetlightsdidn’tdareenterthesanctityofthe
alley,hewascamouflagedindarkness.

Hisshouldersstrainedagainstthestitchesofhissuit.Hisforearmsropeyandtannedwithhiscuffs

pushedup.Hisentirebodyflexedashewavedahandwithfelinegrace,hidingthethrobbingtension
betweenus,pretendinghehadn’tjustfiredmylibidotothepointofexcruciation.

“I’mnotansweringanymoreofyourquestions,”Ihissed.“Whothehellareyou?Whatdoyouwant

fromme?”

Sighingheavily,hislipspouted,bloodsmearedalittletomakehimseempartvampire.“Youalready

knowwhatIwant.”

“Butwhoareyou?”
“I’msomeoneyoucanbefreewith.”
“Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans.”
“Itmeansyoudon’tneedtobeafraidofme.”
Iclaspedmyhandstogether,seekingcomfortfrommyself.Fightingwithastrangeman—evenone

who’dtouchedandkissedme—inadesertedalleywasn’texactlyencouraged.Onceagain,Nameless
cametomindandIcouldn’tstopcomparingthetwomen.

Namelesshadbeenthehero.
Pennwastheanti-Christ.
Onesaving,onedamning.
IknewwhichoneIpreferred.
Istoodfirminmyheels,lockingmylimbsfrombetrayingmylie.“I’mnotafraidofyou.”
Hecockedhishead.“Areyousureaboutthat?”
“I’mnotsureaboutanythinganymore.”
Heranahandthroughhishair,disruptingthestrandsintoamess.“Isn’tthatthepoint?”
“Stopansweringeverythingwithaquestion.”
“Fine.”Hestoodtall,hislegsspreadwithdominion.“Yousaidyestome.Iwon’tletyoutakethat

back.ButIwilltrytoeaseyourmind.”Hisfacetightenedasifthisgamehadhigherstakesforhimthanhe
leton.“I’llonlysaythisonce,solistencarefully.Iwilllietoothersaboutus.Iwillpaintapicturethat
isn’ttrue.IwillcurseandhurtanddowhateverIdamnwellwant,butyouhavemywordononething.”

Myvoicecarriedonahesitantwhisper.“Whatword?”
“ThatIwon’tlietoyou.Whatyouseefrommewillbethehonestfuckingtruth.I’llonlyhurtyouif

youwantmetohurtyou,andI’llprotectyouevenwhileIdoit.Givemeyourself,letmetakecontrol,and
Ipromiseyou,you’llenjoyit.”

Myheartonlyheardthewordhurtandenvisionedimagesofhimabusingme.“WhywouldIenjoyyou

hurtingme?”

“Theanswertothatquestionwillcomelater.It’samatterofshowingnottelling.”
Ipaused,suckinginanotherbreath.Myworldhadvanished,andIhadnowayofreturning.Once

againIstoodatafork,hiddeninadirtyalley.Unlikelasttime,whereI’dhadtobegNamelesstohelpme,
Pennhadtodoalltheconvincing.

Heshiftedinthedarkness,draggingmyattentionbacktohisheight,body,andundeniablecommand.

“Tellmeyourobjections.”

“Myobjections?”
“Yourobjectionstolettingmefuckyou.”
MymouthwateredbutIdidn’tswallow.Iwouldn’tshowanysignsofweakness.“Ihavetoomanyto

list.”

“Tryme.”Hecrossedhisarms.
Myeyeswantedtodroptotheground.Myfingerswantedtostrokemydresswithnerves.
Ididneitherofthosethings.ItreatedhimasIwouldanybossymanager,negotiatingourtermsfora

successfulbusinessdeal.“Ifindyouarrogantandrude.”

Whichmakesmewet.
Mynoseturnedup.“Idon’tlikeliars,andIdon’tlikemenwhothinktheycanuseme.”
EventhoughI’mcontemplatinggivingmyvirginitytoyou.
Herubbedhisjaw,hisgazedraggingovermeasifhecouldhearmysilentanswersandfocusedonly

onthose.“I’marrogantbecauseI’veearnedmysuccessthehardway.I’mrudebecauseIhavenotimefor
idiots.”Steppingforward,hehoveredoverme,pressingmeagainstthewallwithsheerwill.“You
alreadyknowIwon’tlietoyou.”

Hisheadcreptovermypersonalboundary,hisnosenuzzlingmyear.“AndIpromiseyou,I’lluseyou.

I’lluseyoueverymorningandnight.I’lluseyouonyourknees.I’lluseyoustrappedtomybed.Butwith
everyuse,you’llbegforanother.You’llbegme,Elle.”Hebitmyearring,tuggingituntilasharpboltof
painappeared.“That’swhatyoushouldbeafraidof.Nothingelse.”

Ipushedhimaway,takingagreedysteptowardthesidewalk.
Iwasn’tequippedforthis.Ineededtoeaseintosex,notbethrownheadfirstintodebauchery.“I’ve

changedmymind.Myanswerisno.”

Strongfingerswrappedaroundmywrist,yankingmeback.“Likefuckitis.”Hepressedmeagainst

thewallfacefirst.Hishandsclampedonmyhips,pullingmebacktomeethisashethrustup.

Imoaned,longandlow.AnoiseI’dnevermadebeforeandhadnoideawhereit’dcomefrom.
“Oh,Elle,you’realittleliaryourself.”Hetightenedhishold,grindingintome.“Isthatwhatyou

want?Seduction?Doyouneedtobeseducedtoletmeinsideyou?”Hebentoverme,hislipslandingon
myshoulderblade.“BecauseIcandothat.Icancoaxyou,orIcanforceyou.Icangiveyouanyfucking
fantasyyouwant.”

Hisvoicedarkenedtonightmares.“Youdon’thavetohidewithme.Youwantitrough—”Helooped

hishandaroundmynape,crushingmycheekintothebrickashisotherhandsliddownmybodyand
scoopedupmydress,upandupuntilhisfingersfoundmyinnerthighandaggressivelycuppedmycore.

MyheartexplodedthroughmyearsasintensityIneverthoughtexistedcamealivebeneathhisfingers.
Butthenheswitched.
Theviolenthungerinhistouchmeltedintogentlepetting.Hepulledmeawayfromthebrick,hugging

me,supportingmewhilehistonguelickedmyneckandhisfingersfeatheredsolightlyovermyclit.“Or
doyouwantitsoft?”

Ishudderedinhisarms,confusedwhenmybodyreactedmoretoangerratherthansweet.

“I’mattractedtoyou,Elle.IhavebeensinceIsawyou.Iknowyouwantmetoobecauserightnow,

myhandsareonyourpussy,andyou’resofuckingwet.”Withaharshbreath,hepushedasidemypanties,
runninghisfingeralongmybareness.

Hehissedinmyearasmyhipsrockedinvoluntarily.“Thereyougo.Stoplyingtoyourself.That’sthe

worstcrime.Tellmewhatyouwant.”

“Istilldon’tlikeyouenoughtotellyou.”
Hewasuttertemptation.
Beyondreasoningandcomprehension.Buthepissedmeoffashechuckledlowinmyear,taking

pleasureinmyundoingashepressedhisfingerintome.

Ilosttheabilitytostand.Thedeliciousthroatyechoofhislaughsentacoilofdesireshootingright

intomysoul.

Iclenchedaroundhisfingerashesankdeeper.
“Yourbodylikesmeenoughforyourmindandheart.”
MynervesheightenedtoamagnitudeIcouldn’twithstand.Histouch.Hiscontrol.Hismanipulation—

itmadehimmorethanhuman.

Ididn’tstandachance.
“Justsex...”Ipantedashefingeredme.
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”
“Justlust.”
“Somuchfuckinglust.”Histouchseemedtodoubleinsize,draggingheatandsharp,sharpneed.
Asinglefinger.
Itwastoomuch.
Itwasn’tenough.
Butmybody,afteryearsofneglectandbuild-upofcountlessnightsimaginingsuchathing,

surrenderedentirely.

PennsuckedinabreathasIallowedmyheadtofallbackoverhisshoulder,givinghimuttercontrol.

Heheldmeagainsthisbody,hisfingerneverceasing.

“Isthatanotheryes?”Hekissedmythroat,bitingitashisfingerthrustupward.“Tellmeit’safucking

yesbeforeIlosemygoddamnmind.”

Inodded.
Andthatwasit.
PennEverettvanished,replacedbyahunter.Spinningmearoundandshovingmeagainstthewall,he

kickedmyfeetopenanddrovehisfingerhigher.

Mymindpanickedthathewouldtakemeherelikethis.Myfirsttimewouldbeagainstadirtywall

outsideanightclub,butheprovedIwasrighttotrusthim.ThatIcouldgivehimpowereventhoughI’d
neverlikehim.ThatIwouldalwayshatehim,purelybecausehewasn’tNamelessandI’dclungtothe
ridiculousdelusionthatI’dfindhim,savehim,andfindahappily-ever-after.

Pennwastheharbingeroftruthinthatrespect.
I’dfailedNameless.Iwouldneverfindhim.Itwastimetoacceptthatandmoveon.
Startingwithsex.
“I’mgoingtomakeyoucome.”Pennbreathedintomyskin.“Andthen...you’regoinghome.We’llsave

myplaceforanothernight.”

Thebandsofmusclesinmycoreclenchedaroundhisfingerashepressedmyclitwithhisthumb.His

freehandgrabbedmyjaw,holdingmeprisonerwhilehekissedmesodamndeep.

Withhistongueinsidemymouthandhisfingermatchingthesamepulse,Iletithappen.
Ididn’tholdon.
Hedidn’tdragitout.

I’dalwaysbeensensitive—alwayshadanaughtyabilitytoseekpleasureinbanalsituations.I’d

stoppedblushingyearsagowhenIcrossedmylegsinameetingfilledwithstuffybusinessmenand
enjoyedthetingleofdesirejustfromtheseamofmyunderwear.I’dacceptedmybodyandhowhotlyit
ran,simmeringsweetly,readytooverflowintoclimaxwheneverIwanted.

Penndidn’tknowthat.
Heknewnothingaboutme.
Butsomehow,mybodyspoketohisandhistouchsoughtthosetriggersinside.
Hisfingerarchedup,hookinghard.
Holy...
Mymouthpoppedwide,shudderinginyeses.
Hegrinnedintriumph,knowinghe’dfoundonebuttontopunishmewithbuttherewerecountless

more.

Hiskissesturnedreckless.Hisfingersthrustingrightthere.
Therecipeturnedtentativesparksintofireworksandfireworksintodetonationsanddetonationsintoa

mushroomcloudofpurebliss.Theorgasmscurriedupmylegs,downmyspine,andconvenedinmycore
toexplodeinanavalancheofpleasure.

“Oh...God.”IsuckedinairasIdrowned,buthedidn’tgivemetimetobreathe.Hekissedme,sucked

onmytongue,andletmeridehishanduntilthefinalwaveofmyreleaseabated.

Slowly,hisbodypeeledawayfrommine.“Well,thatwasinteresting.”
Hislipsdisengaged,leavingmebruisedandstingingwhileherepositionedmyunderwearand

removedhistouch,lettingmydressslitherovermythighs.

Withoutanotherword,hepulledmeawayfromtheshadowstowardthebusypavement,caughttheeye

ofDavid,mydriver,who’dmiraculouslyappeared,andplacedmereverentlyintotheRangeRover.

ChapterEighteen

THENEXTDAY,Iwenttoworkasifnothinghadhappened.

AsifeverythingatthePalmPoliticswasafigmentofmyimagination.
AsifIhadn’tcomeorgivenPennanypartofmyself.
Istillhatedhim.
Butmybody...itwantsmore.
Fleurhandedmemymeetingminutes,andIperformedmydutyintwoconferencecallslikenormal.
Butnothingwasnormal.
Icouldn’tstopreplayingwhathadhappened.WherethehelldidPenngoafterhe’dtakenwhathe

wanted...orwasthatgiven?He’dgivenmeanorgasmwithoutexpectingoneinreturn.He’dsentmehome
ratherthankidnappedmetohisplace.

Hadhegonehome?
Hadhefoundsomeotherstupidwomantofallforhiscorruptedcharm?
IhatedthatIwondered.
Hewasnothingmorethansex.We’dagreedtothat.I’dbeentheonetostipulateit.
Sowhydoesitleaveasourtasteinmymouth?
Asthedayworeon,Iitchedtoresearchhim.Tofindoutwhohewas,whoStewiewastohim,who

themysteriousLarrywas.Whatdidhedoforwork?Wheredidhelive?Whathadhetoldmyfatherinthe
ginbar?

HeleftmewithmorequestionsthanNamelessdid.
Ididn’tknowhowtocontacthim.Ididn’tknowhowtotellanyonewhathadhappened.He’ddone

exactlywhathesaidandcontrolledmewithouttrying.

Bythetimetheafternoonrolledaround,myheartwasraggedfromfrettingandmyinsidestightand

jumpy.Icouldn’tstopimagininghowI’dnextbumpintohimandwhathewouldmakemedo.

WouldIsayyes?
WouldIsayno?
Wouldheevengivemeachoice?
Thosetwodaydreamscausedtwitchyanxietytoinfiltratemyblood.
Istaredblanklyatmycomputerscreen,dyingforadistractionfrombothworkandPennwhenFleur

stuckherheadintomyoffice.“Um,there’ssomeoneheretoseeyou.”

Instantly,mybodyscreamedyes.Allwhilemymindbellowedno.
Thenrationaletookover.
Itcan’tbe.
Howcouldhegainaccesstomybuilding?Whydidn’thecalltotellmehewascoming?Security

wouldn’tjustlethimupunlessI’dclearedhisname,whichIhadn’t.

Mylibidoleapedatthethoughtofhim,butself-preservationflippedintoCEOmode.Lastnighthad

beenterrifyinginbothgoodandterribleways.Hehadahabitofmakingmeforgetmyselfandspinning
liesIcouldn’tunscramble.

Icouldn’thavehimonmyturf.“TellhimI’mtoobusy.Eithertakehisphonenumber,andI’llcallhim

whenit’sconvenient,orhe’llhavetomakeanappointmentoffsite.”

Takethat,Penn.

“Doyouknowwhoitis?”Fleurasked,suspicionbrightonheradorable,pixyface.“Whyareyou

actingweird?”

“Weird?I’mnotweird.”
“Ididn’tsayyouwereweird.Isaidyou’reactingweird.”Shefiddledwithanorangebuttononher

burntsunshinedress.“What’shisname?”

“Who?”
“Themanyou’reavoiding.”
“Whosaid—”
“Spititout,Elle.”
Ichewedasmile.“PennEverett.”
Fleurinchedcloser,hereyeswide.“Didyoumeethimlastnightattheparty?Oh,Iknewyou

should'vegone.”Sheswooneddramatically.“Didheaskyouout?Wait,IthoughtGregwasyourdate?”

Ipretendedtoenterafewnumbersintomylaptop.“Imethimafewdaysbeforetheparty,butyes,we

confirmedanarrangementlastnight.”

Fleurjumpedupanddownlikeachild.“Anarrangement.Whatsort?Asexualsort?Lookatyou,you

sexyminx.Idemandyoutellmeeverything.”

“Notuntilyoutellhimtoleave.”Ipointedatmydoor,laughingalittleatherantics.“Infact,tellhim

I’mfartoobusyforthenextfouryears,andeventhoughmyanswerisyes,he’dbetterhavethepatienceof
asaintifhewantstoseemeagain.”

Let’sseehowhegetsaroundthat.
Hewantedtoplaygames.Well,Icouldmakeupafewrulesaswewent.
Shegiggled.“Whateverhedidtoyoulastnighthasdonewondersforyoursenseofhumor.”Moving

towardthedoor,shegrinned.“Finally,you’relearninghowtohavesomefun.”Shesalutedmebefore
vanishingoutthedoor.“Leaveittome.Considerinstigationwithanewloveinterestinprogress.”

Igroanedundermybreathassnippetsofmalevoicessoundedinthehallwaythenwerecutoffas

Fleurclosedthedoor,preventingmoreeavesdropping.

Iprobablyshouldn’thaveorderedhertotellPenntowaitfouryears.Whatifhetookitseriouslyand

left?Asmuchashispersonalityappalledme,thethoughtofhimleavingbeforedeliveringonhispromises
madememildlysick.

Hatingmyself,Ipushedawayfrommydeskandtiptoedtothedoor.Pressingagainstit,Istruggledto

followtheconversationontheotherside.

“YoumustbeSteveHobson?”
Thatvoice...itwasalreadysofamiliar—hardwiredtomybellyandgasolineforeveryhiddendesire.

Theslysmoothness;thecockydeepness.Itwasn’tfairhewashandsomeandspokelikearascallypoet.
Hemightnotbemarriagematerial,buthedefinitelydeliveredonfantasy.

Pennwasn’tmyfuture,buthecoulddoverywellformypresent.
Steve’svoiceflowedthroughmydoor.“Yes,Iam.I’mMr.Charlston’soldestfriendandcolleague.

Youare?”

Withoutanyhesitationandalotofsmugness,Pennsaid,“I’mElle’sfiancé.”
Mykneesgaveout.
What?!
IthoughtthatliewasjustforthegirlsatPalmPolitics.Hecouldn’tgospreadingsuchuntrutharound.

Myfatherwouldhear.

OhGod,Dad.
He’dbeelated.
Andthenhe’dbecrushedwhenIcalleditoff.

“Ah,yes.Myson,Greg,mentionedsomethingaboutanincidentlastnight,”Stevesaid.“Ithoughthe

wasexaggerating.”Thedisappointmentinhistonecrushedmelikealittlegirl.

“Ifiguredhe’dmentionit.”Penn’svoicedroppedtodeadlyseriousness.“I’mawareyoursonhas

feelingsformywife-to-be,sir,andIonlyhaverespectandregretthathedidn’tdeserveheraffection.But
restassured,ifhegetsinmyway,Iwon’ttolerateit.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Stevesnapped.
“ItmeansEllebelongstoyouinbusiness.Butshebelongstomeineverythingelse.”Histonelowered

possessively.“We’retogethernow,andnoonewillinterfere.Infact,I’mheretocollecther.It’stimefor
hertocomehome.Wehavelotsofthingstodotonight.”

Evenbehindthedoor,thesexualinnuendosreekedwithpromise.
Steveclearedhisthroat,nodoubtwonderingwhenIhadthetimetohookupwithacompletestranger

andwhyGregwasn’ttheonetakingmehome.“Isee.”

Mytummyclenchedathowforlornhesounded.
Ilikedtothinkitwaspurelyforwantingmetobehappyandbelievinghissonwastherightcandidate

forthejob,butsomepartbelievedhehadulteriormotives.He’dbeennothingbutloyaltothiscompany,
myfather,andme,butrunningabusinessforsolongthatwasn’tyoursmusttakeatoll.Possessionwasa
fundamentalhumanflaw.

“Youmustexcuseme;I’mlateforourdate.”Pennchuckled.“Asyouknow,Elleisstrictontime-

lines.”

Fleur’svoicepipedup.“I’mafraid,Mr.Everett,Ms.Charlstonhassaidshe’sbusyforthenextfour

years,andyou’llhavetomakeanappointment.”

“What?”Histonesnappedthroughthedoor.
Anervousgigglepercolatedinmychest.WhydidIwanttopisshimoff?I’dpayforitlater,nodoubt.
Shit,thiswasabadidea.
“WhyisMs.Charlstontellingyoutomakeanappointmentwhenyou’retellingmeyou’reherfiancé?”

Steveaskedsuspiciously.

“Nodisrespect,sir,butit’snoneofyourbusiness.”
Stevereplied,“Ithinkyou’llfinditis.Ellemeansagreatdealtoherfatherandme.She’sreally

steppedintohisshoesandtakenthecompanytoevengreaterheights.She’sfartoosuccessfulforherown
good,andthatmeanspariahsareouttherewhoseeherasaneasytargettohervastempire.”

Damnyou,Steve.
EveryonemadeitsoundasifIweresomeelusiveunicorntobehuntedandsnared.Iwasn’tspecialor

unique.Iwasblandandboring.Aworkaholicimprisonedsincebirth.

“I’mnotoneofthosepariahs,believeme,”Pennmuttered.“However,Ican’tsaythesameforyour

son.”

Oh,myGod.Didhetrulyjustsaythat?
“Excuseme?”Steveblurted.“MysonandElleareextremelyclose.It’sonlyamatteroftimebefore

theyprogressfromfriendstosomethingmore.Whateveryouthinkyouhavewithherisatbestasillyfling
andatworstafutureheartbreak.Butmarkmywords,Gregwillbetheretopickupthepiecesandmake
sureElleishappyandprotected.Idon’tforasecondbelieveinthismarriagebullshit.”

IhatedtheoptimisminhisvoicealongwiththevaguelyconcealedthreatforPenntobackaway.That

somehowSteve,eventhoughhe’dwatchedmeturnfromchildtowoman,stillbelievedhecontrolledme
enoughtodecidewhoIshouldsharemybodyandlifewith.

I’msurroundedbymanipulators.
“Thatwillneverhappen,”Pennsnapped.“AftertheinterestingconversationsI’vehadwithMs.

Charlston,Icansafelysaysheisn’tremotelyinterestedinyourson.”

Oh,no.Pleasesomeonestophim.

“Infact,shedistinctlysaidshedidn’twanttohaveathingtodowithhim.Shewantsme.Andshehas

me.JustlikeIhaveher.We’reengaged.”

StevemumbledsomethingIcouldn’thear.
Pennsaid,“Thatmaybe,butperhapsMs.Charlstonshouldbegiventhespacetodecidewhoshe

wantsinherbed.Currently,that’sme,asshole.”

Okay,that’sit.
Wrenchingmydooropen,Ibarreledintothewaitingroom.Thesoftfurnishingsandpottedtrees

couldn’tdistractmefrommyblisteringangertowardthetwomen.

“Onceagain,I’mshockedstupid.”Iclampedbothhandsonmyhips.“Steve,Iexpectedbetterofyou.”
Stevehadthedecencytolookdownwithhisfaceflushed.“Sorry,Elle.Iwasn’tsayingthatyouand

Gregweretogetherbuttryingtoprotectyourrighttodecide.”

“No,youweren’t.YouweretryingtokeepBelleElleinthefamily.YouandDadareeverythingtome,

andthat’swhyIwon’tholdagrudge,butifyoutrytopushmetogetherwithGregagain,I’llrefuseto
speaktoyou.Doyouunderstand?”

“ButGregreallylikesyou.”
“Don’tcare.Notinterested.”
Wow,thereliefinfinallyspeakingthetruthandnotworryingaboutotherpeople’sfeelingswas

immense.

“Helloagain,Elle.Doesthismeanyou’reavailableforourseconddatenowandnotinfouryears’

time?”Pennplantedhisfeetandsmirked.“Afterall,youjustadmittedyou’remoreinterestedinmethan
anyoneelse.”

Iturnedburningblueeyesonhim.“I’monlyinterestedinwatchingyoufalloffoneofourbuildings,

Mr.Everett.”

Hechuckled.“Oh,now.Don’tbelikethat.Ijustdidyouafavor.Oneofmany,Imightadd.Youno

longerhavetodealwithGreg.”Hefiddledwithacufflink.“Thatwasbecauseofme.Youoweme.”

“Idon’toweyouanything.Irevokemyyes.”Mynosetippedupward.“It’sbeenamendedtoa

resoundingno.Now,goaway.”

Ispunaroundandmarchedbackintomyoffice,slammingthedoorinhisface.ThesecondIwasaway

fromhim,Ikickedoffmyheelsandboltedintothebathroom.Grabbingthesink,Istaredatmyselfinthe
mirror.Hotpointsdancedonmycheeks,andwildinsanityreplacedmycalmcapableness.

WhatwasIthinkingbysayingyestothatman?
Ihatedthewayhemademybloodboil.Icouldn’tstandthewayhespreadrumorsandnone-truthson

mybehalf.NomansinceNamelesshadearnedareactionfromme—eitherinlikeorhate.Iwasn’tready
tofight.Ididn'thavetimetowelcomeattraction.

“God,thisisallamess.”
Hewasamistake,andoneIhadtofixrightawaybeforeherailroadedmylifeandruinedeverything.

Ifhedidn’ttakemynoasgospel,Iwouldcallthepolicetoinstatearestrainingorder.

Perhaps,Ishouldbecomeanun?ThenI’dneverhavetoworryaboutsexormarriage.
IcouldjustfocusonwhatIwasgoodat.
Business.
Splashingwateronmyface,Irubbedatthesmudgeofmascaraandtamedsomeoftheflyaways.

Feelingmildlynormal,Inoddedatmyreflection.AgreeingthatmyworkwasdoneforthedayandI’dgo
home,takeabath,andtrytoforgetaboutSteve,myfather,andmostofall,damnPenn.

Openingthebathroomdoor,IjoltedasthemanIwantedtothrowoutmywindowsatsmuglyonthe

couchfacingmybookshelvesofmagazineslistingourclothes,housewareawards,andcharityplaquesfor
ourworkwithselectedorganizations.

“Youagain!”

“Me.”Helookedmeupanddown.“Yougotyourshirtwet.”
Iglancedatthesheerwhitefabricthatwasnowsee-throughtotheduskypinkbraIworebeneathit.I

slappedahandovermychestandstalkedtowardmydesk.Mystompdidn’thavethesameeffectin
stockingedfeetasitwould’veinheels,butatleastIwasabletoshrugonacreamandblackpipingjacket
andhideabitofmydampcleavage.

Sageventuredoutfromundermydesk,baringherlittlefangsattheinterloper.
“IthoughtItoldyoutoleave.”Doingmybesttogetbackincontrol,Isnapped,“Besides,it’snota

shirt.It’sablouse.Ifyouweren’tsuchaNeanderthal,you’dknowthat.”

“WhywouldIknowthat?I’maguywhowearsguy’sclothing.Ihavenointerestinwomen’sunless

it’sonthefloorafterI’vetakenthemoffher.”

Iglowered.“Fascinatinginsightintoyourtruecharacter,Mr.Everett.”Ipointedatmydoor.“Asyou

weren’tinvitedintomyoffice,I’llkindlyaskyoutogo.Forthesecondtime.Andwhileyou’reatit,
retractyourlieaboutourupcomingnuptials.”

“Youlostthepowertotellmetoleavethemomentyousaidyes.”Henevertookhiseyesoffme.“It’s

toolatetochangeittoano.However,ifyou’resoincensed,thenhearmeoutandI’llgo...fornow.”

Imovedaroundmydesktostandinfrontofitandcrossedmyarms.“Hearwhat?I’msureIheardallI

neededto.You’reanegotisticalmaniacwhoIhavenointerestindoinganythingelsewith.”

“Yourbodytoldmeadifferentstorylastnight.”Hechuckled.“Andjusttoclarify,ifIwasn’tan

‘egotisticalmaniac’asyouputit,thenyou’dconsiderlettingmefuckyou...likeouroriginalagreement?”

Ifrowned.“What?”
Hestoodup,breachingthespacebetweenusuntilhestoodonlyafootaway.Myskinprickledas

goosebumpseruptedundermywetblouse.

Sagehissed,swattingtheairwithherclawsinwarning.
Penntooknonoticeofher.“I’msorry.”Hisfacedarkenedwithsincerity.“IknowIdidn’thavearight

totalkaboutyoulikeatrophytobewonfromyourfather.AndI’msorryforwarningMr.Hobsontokeep
hissonawayfromyou.”Hesmiledtightly.“IwouldsayIdidthatforyourbenefit,butreally,Ididitfor
me.”Hiseyesfellonmychest.“Idon’tdowellwithcompetition.”

“Well,yourrulesandjealousyarepointlessbecauseIhavenointentionofgoingtobedwithyou.”
“Lies,Elle.Ithoughtyou’dagreedwe’donlyhavetruthbetweenus.”
Hisdeep,headyaftershavestoleupmynose,tyingmythoughtsintoasinfulknot.
Ididn’treplyashedeletedtheremainingspacebetweenus.
Ileanedback,mybutthittingtheedgeofmydeskandmytummylockingintoplace.
“Youknow...Iworkinanoffice,too.Iknowhowlonelythesejobspacescanbe.”Helickedhislips.

“Ialsoknowhowfantasiescanspringfromnothing.”Hishandcreptforward.

Iflinched,expectinghimtotouchme.However,heplacedhispalmontheglasstable,hemmingmein

onbothsides.“Tellme,Ms.Charlston.Haveyoueverhadsexinhere?”

Ifroze.“Excuseme?”
Hisgazehooded.“Hasanyonebentyouoveryourdeskandfuckedyou?Stolenyourpowerandused

itagainstyou?”

Ishivereduncontrollably.MymouthurgedtoscreamforFleurtohelp.Washethreateningtotakeme?

Hereinmyoffice?

Ishovedhim.
Hestumbledbackward,ablacklookdrippingoverhisfeatures.Heshookhishead,dispellingthe

clouds,onceagainsettlingintococky.“Itakethatasano.”

Forasplitsecond,Irememberedthewordsfromtheassholeswhohurtmeinthealley.‘Haveyou

everbeenfuckedoveryourdesk,officegirl?Evergivenabossablowjobforapromotion?’

Itwasn’tanunusualconcept.

Iwassuremanypeoplehaddonejustthatandhadlotsoffundoingit.ButIneverhad.AndIwouldn’t

today—notwithPennoranyoneelsewhothreatenedmysafetyandposition.Especiallywhenchillyice
replacedmyblood,strugglingtoseparatethatnightinthealleyandtodaywithPenn.

ThewayhewatchedmewastooclosetotheguyintheBaseballCap—toointense,toofocusedon

somethinghecouldn’thavebutwouldhappilytakeanyway.

“Leave,Mr.Everett.”
“ItoldyoutocallmePenn.”
Icockedmychin.“Fine.Leave,Penn.”
“Notuntilyouagreetodinnerwithme.”
“Never.”
“Neveristoolongtowait.”Heglowered.“Andbesides,we’vealreadyagreedonthegroundrules.

Youwanttofuckme.Iwanttofuckyou.Playinghardtogetisonlymakingmewanttodothatsooner
ratherthanlater.”

“No.”
“Nowhat?
“Notoeverything.Itoldyou,Ichangedmymind.”
“Why?”
“BecauseIsaidso.”
Helickedhislips.“Yes,butwhy?Whychangeyourmindafterwhathappenedlastnight?Fromwhat

yourfathersaid,youworktoomuch,youhavenofriends,andyouseverelylackfuninyourlife.”

Myheartsank.“Hesaidthat?”
“Ireadbetweenthelines.”
“Wellreadbetweenmylines.N-O.Spellsno.I’mtoobusytoplaywithyou.”
“IsaidIwassorry.”
Istiffened,tryingtosniffhisnewgame.“Goon.”
Heshrugged.Eventhatwassexy,dammit.“Ishouldn’thaveputwordsintoyourmouth.It’suptoyou

todecideifyouwantpeopletoknowaboutus.”Helookedupbeneathhisbrow.“Andtheonlywayyou
candecidethatisifyougoonadatewithme.”

Iopenedmymouthtoargue,butheinterrupted—anotherhabitheseemedtohave.“Don’tanswerfor

yourselfrightnow.Answerforyourselfinfiveyears’time.Wheredoyouseeyourself?Hereinthis
officedoingtheexactsamethingwiththeexactsameunhappiness?”

God,Ihopenot.
“Ordoyouwanttoseeifyoucouldhavethisandmore?Workandplay?Loveandobligation?”
Myeyesshotdaggers.“YouthinkIcouldloveyou?”
“Ithinkyoucouldhavefunwithme.”
“Ithinkotherwise.”
Hegrinned.“That’swhatthisisabout.Toseeifouropinionslineup.”
“AreyougoingtoleaveifIsaynoagain?”
“Nope.”Hecamecloser.“I’lljustkeepshowingupatreallyinconvenienttimesuntilyousayyes.”

Hisaftershavedruggedmeagain.“Choosetheeasieroption,Ms.Charlston.Letmehaveyou.It’stheonly
wayforward.”

“Whatwillyoudotome?”
Instantly,myofficethickenedwithsexualtension.
Mybreathhitchedashiseyesdriftedtomymouth.
Hisvoiceloweredtoscorchingcharcoal.“AnythingIdamnwellwant.”Hishandcuppedmycheek,

holdingmetight.“I’llstripyou,tasteyou,devouryou.I’lleat,lick,andbiteyou.Andonlyonceyou’re
beggingwillIfuckyou.”

Mybodyflushedashotasthesun,asbrightasVenus,asuntouchedasPluto.
Ishovedhimawayandstalkedtotheexit.AllIwantedtodowasdarehimtotryit.Tofightandclaw

andlethimsubduemebecause,holyhell,hemadeitsounddelicious.Buttheotherpart—thevanishing
part—wasafraidoflosingherself.

Sexwastoopowerful.
Sexshouldbedonebetweentwopeoplewholikedeachotherandnotacouplewithnothingin

common.

Iclearedmythroatandmymind.Iclungtocommonsense.“IsuggestyouleavebeforeIkneeyouin

placesaladyshouldneverkneeaman.”

Hehuntedme,bringingwithhimcyclonesfulloflust.“Ifyouwanttotouchthatpartofme,Iwould

preferitwaswithsomethingsofterthanyourknee.”Hechasedme,onceagaincorrallingmeagainsta
hardsurface.

Thistimethedoor.
“Yourhandwouldwork.”Hecuppedmywrist,slippinghisfingersthroughmine.“Yourhandis

welcome.”Hiseyesturnedjetblackwithneed.“Icouldcomefromyourhandalone.”

Ifoughtmyshiverbutcouldn’tstopthegoosebumpsdartingupmyarms.Histouchwaspossessivebut

soft.Strongbutcoaxing.

Hisfingerssqueezedmineasheswayedcloser.“Orifyoudidn’twanttousethatpartofyour

anatomy,yourmouthwoulddoequallywell.”Helickedhisbottomlip.“Infact,Iwantboth.”

“Never.”
“Never?”Hesmiled.“Don’tlie.”Hishandcreptupmyarmtomyshoulder,addingpressureuntilmy

kneesthreatenedtobuckle.“Let’sseehowsoonneveris,shallwe?”Hekissedmesweetly.“Ifingered
youuntilyoucamelastnight.Theleastyoucandoisblowme.”

Ilikethethoughtofyougivingmeablowjob.Getheronherknees.
Therapistsandalleystolethepresent,hurtlingmebackbeforeNamelesshadfoundme.Beforehe

hurtthemforhurtingme.Beforehepreventedmylifefromtumblingintoruin.

WhydidPenncauseflashbacksthatI’dsuccessfullyputbehindme?
Whydidheawakesharpinstincts?
Andwhywerethoseinstinctsscrambledbetweentrustandmistrust,unabletoseethetruthhidingin

hislies?

Myofficereturned.Thealleydisappeared.Pennwasstillthere.Hispressureonmyshoulderstronger,

pesteringmetofallintoservitudebeforehim.

Ibreathedhard.“Youexpectmetowrapmylipsaroundyourcock?Here?Now?Inmyoffice?”
Henodded.“Absolutely.”Hefistedmyhairwithoutwarning,tiltingmyheadtoattackmythroatwith

hismouthandteeth.“Here,you’regod.Here,you’reincharge.Itturnsmethefuckonknowingyou’rethe
onewithallthepower,yetyou’reconsideringgettingonyourkneestoserveme.”

Ittookeveryounceofwillpower,everybravedenial,butImanagedtountanglemyfingersfromhis

andtearmyneckfromhiskisses.“Toobadforyou,you’llhavetoremainturnedon.Ihavenointentionof
doingsuchathing.”

“Whatareyouafraidof?”Hiseyesnarrowed.“Youknowthisisagame.Youunderstandtherules.”
“Idon’tunderstandanyofthis.”
“Therulesaresex.Mutuallyenjoyedsex.Despitewhatyouthink,youlikebeingtoldwhattodo.”He

gatheredmeclose,inhalingmyperfume.“Givemetwominutes.Twominutestocommandyou,andifyou
don’tlikeit,I’llwalkaway.”

Myheartbeatcrazy.“Twominutes?”
Hebithislip,nodding.“Youhavemyword.”
“Ifyoubreakit,I’mturningyouintoaeunuchwithasharpkick.”

Hechuckled,steppingbackandspreadinghisthighs.“ThereareworstthingsIcanimaginethanyour

legbetweenmine.”Hiseyesweredarkasnightmares.“Butfornow,getonyourfuckingknees.”

Getheronherknees.
Asimilarcommandhadtornmeapart.Thethoughtofsuckingstrangemeninanalleygrotesque.

However,thiscommandturnedmychestintoafurnace,charringmyhearttodust.

Ididn’tknowwhathappenedtomybrain.
Ididn’tunderstandhowhatecouldbesuchanaphrodisiac.
ButhecircumnavigatedtheCEO.Hespoketosomeprimitivepartofme.
Iwantedtotellhimtoleave.
IwantedtoproveIhadmorerespectthanthat.
YetIsankdownthedoortomyknees.
Sagewatchedmeasifallherrespectformeasherhumanevaporated.
Damncat.
Pennshuddered,lookingpartmonster,partangel.“Shit,youmakemehardwhenyouobey.”Hisgaze

fellonmybreasts.“Nowthatyou’replaying,we’regoingtodoalittleshowandtell.”

Beforeweshowyouours,youhavetoshowusyours.
Thealley.
Iwasbackthereagain.
Huddledinpain,graspingatdignity.
Istayedsilent,doingmybesttostayalivewhilemyhearttriedtoslamthroughmyribs.
Thepastandfutureweremerelytwodimensionsseparatedfromeachotherbythepresent.YetIlived

inneither.Iexistedinthegluebridgingthemtogether,somehowallowingthreeyearsagotoaffecttoday.

IwantedNamelesstobargeintomyworldandrescuemeforthesecondtime.
Penn’shandsfelltohisbelt,pushingasidethetailsofhismidnightblazer,andundoingtheleather

slowly.“I’mgoingtoshowyouwhatyoudotome,Elle.Butinreturn,Iwanttoseeyou.”

Let’sseewhatyourtitsarelike.
Igulped.
Hemorphedintooneofthosebastards,flickeringwithAdidassymbolsandexpensivesuits.Henever

lookedawayashepulledthebelt,unthreadingitandlettingithangintheloops.“Unbuttonyourshirt.”

Forcingmyselftoshedthememoriesandfocusentirelyonhim,Ilatchedontothemostidioticthing

I’deveruttered.“It’sablouse.”

“Idon’tcare.”Hisgrowlechoedthroughmycore.“Unbuttonit.”
Myhandsshookbutslowlyconnectedwiththepearlbuttonsandhesitantlyundidone.
Thiswasnow.Pennwasnow.Namelesswasyesterday.
IttookmoreeffortthanIcouldafford,butIshutthedooronthepastandslottedfirmlybackintothe

present.

“Thenext.”Penntrembledashelockedhishandsonthebuttonofhiswaistband.Thecrispcream

shirtanddarkjeansheworemadehimuntouchableyetsonormal.

Ipoppedthenextbutton,breathinghardandquick.
Hefollowed,undoinghisandpullingonhiszipper.
Withoutwaitingforhiscommand,Iundidbuttonsthreethenfour;myeyeslockedonhishandsashe

pulledhiszipperdownanddown.

Whenmyblousehungundone,andhiszipperhadnowhereelsetogo,oureyesmet.
Ourlipsparted;mirroredimagesofdesire.
“Openit.”Hisvoicehadlosttheplayfulkinkfrombefore,slippingstraightintoserioussmut.“Letme

seeyou.”

WithbraveryIdidn’tknowIhad,Ipushedmyblouseawayfrommybreasts,revealingtheduskypink

bra.

Hegroaned,hishanddisappearingintohisjeans.
Mystomachclenchedsohard,sodeep,Ibentoveralittleinsurprise.
Hislipstwisted.“Doyoulikethat?”Hesqueezedhimself,histhighstighteningbeneaththedenim.

“DoyoulikeknowingI’mthishardallbecauseofyou?ThatIhaven’tbeenthishardinyears.ThatallI
canthinkaboutisstickingthisineveryplaceyou’llletme.”

Oh.My.God.
Iswaminheat.Idrownedinliquid.Iwassowetmypantiesweresoaked.
“Pullyourbradown,andI’llshowyoumore.”
Myfingershookedonthefrontcupsofmybraashislatchedaroundhisjeansandleveredthemalittle

offhiships.Neverlookingaway,objectifyingbothofusbyonlywatchingourbodiesandnotoursouls,
hereachedintohistightblackboxer-briefsandpulledouthiscock.

MycorespasmedasIswallowedhardandpulledmybradown,revealingmypebblednipplesand

heavyglobesoffleshthathadlongsincebeenneglected.

“Fuck,Elle.”Hishandgraspedhislonglength.Theheadglowedwithdarkerflesh,adroplet

glisteningontop.Veinsrandownthesides,bulgingwithdesire—thesamedesirethrobbinginmyclit.

AllIcouldsee...allIcouldthinkabout...wassex.
Mylegspartedalittleasmyhipsbecamelooseandwanting.Anemptinessechoedinsideme,

becomingmoreandmorecavernousthelongerIstaredathim.

“Doyouwantthis?”hemurmured,hisfaceblackwithlust.
Therewasnobanterorconnection.Whateverrespectwehadforeachotherwastarnishedbytheway

Istaredupwithhimstandingovermewithhiscockinhishand.Itoughttobedegrading,butIfounda
differentsortofpoweronmyknees.Thewayhepanted.Thewayhishipsrockedwithasubtleswayeven
hewasn’tawareof.

Wenolongerlivedintherealworldbutsex,sex,sex.
Inoddedjustonce,lickingmylips.
“Jesus,Elle.”Hisheadfellforwardashesqueezedthetip.“Sayitoutloud.Doyouwantmycock?”
Ididn’tcareifanyonewasoutsidemydooreavesdropping.Ididn’tcarethatIshouldstopthisand

throwhimfrommyoffice.

Iembracedtheriverflowinginsidemeandwhispered,“Yes.”
“Where?Wheredoyouwantit?”
Somanyplaces.
Somanyforeign,wonderfulready-to-beexploredplaces.
Butfirst,theonehewanted.Theonehe’dhintedat,andthereasonIwasonmyknees.“Mymouth.”
Hegroan-growledashesteppedforward.Hisshoeshitmyknees,hisheighttoweringovermewith

hiscockspearedfromhisangryfist.“Suckitthen.”

MybreastsachedwithpainI’dneverexperienced.
Isattalleronmyknees.
Ireachedforward.
Myfingerssoclosetoclaiminghim.
Butthenhesteppedback,tuckinghiserectionaway,shakingwithneedanddiscipline.Hedidn’tdoup

hisbeltorzipper,butheflashedasilverwatchonhiswrist.“Yourtwominutesareup.”

Thesexualtrancehe’dputmeintoshattered.
Ishiveredwithsuddencoldandyankedupmybraindisgrace.Grabbingthesidesofmyblouse,I

huddledbeforeshootinguprightwithragesobright,sobrilliant,Iwantedtoriphimintopieces.

“That’sit?”Isnarled.“Wasthatallastupidgametoyou?Aploytoshowmethatyoucanmakemedo

whatyouwant,afterall?”Aheavygatheringsatbetweenmylegs,throbbingtobetouched.Desperatefor
arelease.

“Iwantedtobesuretherewerenolies.YousawhowmuchIwantyou.Isawhowmuchyouwant

me.”Hekepthisdistance,refusingtotouchme.“Nexttime,Iwon’tacceptyourbullshit.”

“Nexttime?!Youthinkthere’llbeanexttime?Thiswastheonlytime,andyoujusthumiliatedme.”
“Yes,well,youalmostmademecomejustbylickingyourfuckinglips.”
Iopenedmymouthtoretort,butangrytearscreptupmyspine.Thelustinmyblooderodedmyself-

control.Spinningaround,Igrabbedthedoorknobandyanked.Ididn’tcarehistrouserswereundone.I
didn’tcaremyblousewasopen.Iwantedhimgone.Iwanteditnow.

Hishandslammedagainstthewood,shovingitbackintotheframewithaloudsmack.Hisbodyheat

pressedagainstme,theteethofhisopenzipperdiggingintomypinstripeskirt.

“Youthinkyoucanleave?Ididn’tsayyoucould.”
“Letmego.”
Hishandspressedflatagainstthedoor,cagingme.
Sagemeowedloudly,attemptingtojoinmybattletomakehimleave.
Icouldn’tthinkwithhimsoclose.Icouldonlyfeel.AndbyGod,Icouldfeel.Everything.Hisbreath

onmynape,hischestrisingandfallingagainstmyspine.Andhiscocktwitchingagainstmyass.

Thedominationandpowerofhiswillweretangiblethings,suffocatingmeunderhiscommand.

Everythingoutsideofhimandmeceasedtoexist.Myentirebodybeggedforwhateverhewoulddonext
evenwhilemymindbellowedatmetoscream.

Whateverexistedbetweenuswasvisceral,indescribable,completelyimprisoning.
“I’llneverletyougo.NotuntilI’mthroughwithyou.”Hislipslandedonthetopofmyshoulder.

“Turnaround,Elle.”

Mybodyshudderedinanoverwhelmingwaveofarousal.Iwasn’tsupposedtolikethis.Iwasn’t

supposedtogetwetunderhiscruel,commandingtone.Hisbodyheatedwithhungeranddemand,
draggingurgesfromdeepinsideme.UrgesIcouldnolongerdeny.

Iwantedhim.
AndIdidn’tknowhowtohandlethat.
Irefusedtoturn.Sadnessinterferedwithmydesire,scramblingmeupinside.“Ican’tdothiswith

you.I’mnotequipped.”

Hislipscaressedmyhair.“Youcan.You’redoingitrightnow.”
“ButIdon’tknowwhatcomesnext.I—I—”
“Youdo.Youknowexactlywhatcomesnext.”Hishandsplayedovermystomach,pullingmeback

intohiships.Hiscockwasbig,hard,andsohot.“Thisgoesinsideyou.Itmakesallthatconfusionand
emptinessvanish.”

Ispuninhisarms.
“How?Nothinghasthatpower.”
“Trustme.”Hisfingerslatchedaroundmythroat,pinningmeagainstthedoor.Hefellforward,

wedginghisentirelengthalongmine.Aligninghiscocktomyclit,hethrust.

Theactionwassocrude,sobasicinmating,Imoaned.
“Wrapyourlegsaroundmyhips.”
ShiftingmyskirthighsoIcouldspreadmylegs,Ijumpedanddidexactlywhathetoldme,mybody

takingcontrol.

Hegruntedashecaughtmyweightbeforecrushingmeagainstthedooragain.“We’rebothgoingto

come.We’regoingtodoittogether.Andwe’renotgoingtooverthinkitorruinitbyrefusingwhatour
bodiessofuckingdesperatelyneed,gotit?”

Ihadnootherchoice.
Inodded.
Ididn’tknowifhemeantheplannedtotakemeagainstmydoororifhe’dusehisfingersorexpected

mymouthbutallquestionsdiedlikeflightlessbirdsthemomenthethrustagain.

Reachingbetweenus,hepulleddownhistrousers,freeinghimselfandwedginghisnakedcock

againstmypanty-coveredpussy.

Withmylegsaroundhiswaist,hishardnesslinedupperfectlyagainsteveryinchofme.
“Christ,you’resoaked.”Helookeddown.“Soon,I’mgoingtoseeeveryinchofyou,Elle,butfor

now,youowemeanorgasm.”

Confusionhitme.Sohemeanttokeepthetinypieceofcottonandlacebetweenus?Thatwewould

grindandcomebutnotconsummate?

Hisjawclenched,hismessyhairtumblingoverhisforehead.Hisbicepsbulgedfromholdingmeas

hecurvedintome.“Kissme.”Hisvoicewashoarse.

Igaveupmyquestionsanddenialandtippedmyheadup.
Hegroaned,capturingmymouthwithhis.Hislipswerefirmandwarm.Hispressuretheperfect

accompaniment.Histonguedivedinside,tastingme,fightingmewithdeeplicks.

Andthen,hemoved.
Slowanddeep,thrustinghislonglengthagainstmywetpanties,grindingintomeatexactlytheright

spot.Hishandsdroppedtomyass,tighteningandpinchingwitheachrock,drivingmeinsane.

Hedidn’tattempttoenterme.Heremainedontheoutskirts,keepingcottonasourprisonguard,letting

temptationbeourmistress.

Ilosttrackofeverythingashiskissessweptmeawayandhishipskeptmeanchoredtohimandonly

him.Idistantlynoticedmyhandsswoopeduptocapturehisfaceandhair.Tuggingandyanking,Idirected
himtokissmeharder,thrustfaster—deepeningtheconnectionbetweenus.

Hegrowledintothekiss,histongueturningintoalashingwhipashisbodymovedfasterovermine,

ignitingelectricityandchemistryandfire.Thepoundingofhisheartbeatechoedintomeasweclawed
andclung,climbingandclimbing,desperatelyseekingthepleasurejustoutofreach.

“Fuck,Iwantyou.”Hethrustharder.“Ican’tstop.”Cuppingmyass,heangledmeinjusttheright

way.Myclitspindledwiththebeginningsofanorgasm.

Ipressedtightagainsthim,awareofeveryhardintoxicatingpieceofhisbody.
Hisfacecontorted.“Jesus,I’mgoingtocome.”
Myskinmistedwithsweat,blisteringwithsensitivity.Penn’shandslidupmythigh,grabbingmeso

hardIshiveredwithamixtureoffearandabandon.

AlowrumblevibratedinhischestashispaceincreasedandIclutchedhimtight.Ourteethclacked

togetherasourkissturnedsloppy,ourbodiesturnedmanic,andtheorgasmteasinguseruptedintobeing.

Isplitintwo.
Imeltedintoapuddle.
Waveafterwave,Ishudderedinhisarms,cringingandcryingashiscockkeptmeflyingfartoohigh.I

wasvaguelyawareofhisheadfallingback,hisfingernailsbreakingmyskinandtheshotofstickinesson
myinnerthigh.

Evensated,mybodystillstrainedtogetcloser,toincreaseourcontactuntilhewasinsideme,notjust

touchingme.

Ididn’tknowwhoshookmore—himorme.
Loweringhishead,hisfaceblankandeyesdazedfromhisrelease,heclaimedmymouthagainwitha

threadofviolenceIhungeredfor.HedrankmeasIdrankhim.Wegroanedtogetherasherockedslower
thistime,highlightingsoreextremities,encouragingfinaltinglestoremain.

Thensomeoneknockedonthedoor.

Shatteringourmoment.
Remindingusweweren’talone.

ChapterNineteen

“ELLE,AREYOUfreeforaquickchat?”

IfrozeinPenn’sarmsasDad’svoicedeletedanysexualheat,slammingmebackintoagirlwhohad

noright,none,toactthewayIjustdid.

“Shit,”Ihissedundermybreath.
TheknobturnedbesidemyhipwherePennstillwedgedmeagainstthedoor.Hiseyesnarrowedashe

grabbedit,preventingitfromunlatching.

“Answerhim,”hegrowledlow.“Tellhimtoleave.”
“Elle?Areyouinthere?”Theknockcameagain.
Myracingheartmadeithardtospeak.“Yeah,Dad,Iam.Just—it’sabadtime.Canyoucomeback

later?”

Aslightpausefollowedbyahuffed,“Thisisimportant.I’dratherwehaveaquicktalknow.”
Everynightmarehadcometrue.
“Uh,okay.Just—”
Pennsteppedback,lettingmylegsslidefromhishipstoplacemeonthefloor.ThemomentIwas

standing,heletmego,hastilytuckinghiscockintohisjeansandyankinguphisbelt.Hegavemealook
sovillainoushestolemybreath.

“Justgivemeaminute!”Myhandsflewtomyhipstopullmyskirtdown,butPennstoppedmewitha

slightcurveinhislips.

Hisfingersmearedsomethingstickyandcoolonmyinnerthigh.Hisvoicedidn’tbreakamurmur.

“You’reabouttohaveaconversationwithyourfatherwhilemycumisdryingonyourskin.”Hesmiled
ruthlessly.“Ithinkit’ssafetosayyou’reminenow.”

Icouldn’ttalktohimaboutcumorsex.Notwithmyfatheronlyafewfeetaway.Shovinghimback,I

wrenchedmyskirtdown,hastilydidupmyblouse,anddraggedmyhandsthroughmywildhair.

EyeingPenn,who’dtuckedinhisshirtandbuttonedhisblazer,Ididn’taskifhewasreadybefore

jerkingthedoorwideandsmilingsofakeandbig,IwassureIhadsexwrittenallovermyface.“Dad!
Hownicetoseeyou.”

Heflinched,lookingmeupanddowninsurprise.“That’squiteawelcome,Elle.”Hisgazeslidpast

metoPennstandinginthemiddleofmyoffice,arespectfuldistanceawayfromme.“Ah,soStevewasn’t
lying.”

Strollingintomyoffice,myfathersniffed.“Cansomeonepleaseexplaintomewhatisgoingon?I’ve

heardrumorsofanengagement?”Heturnedtome,hurtblazinginhiseyes.“Elle?”

Oh,no.
IfiredharpoonsatPennbeforestridingforwardtositonthecouch,needingtogetoffmyfeetbefore

mykneesgaveway.Sageimmediatelyhoppedontomylap,reprimandingmewithherbeadylittlegaze.
“It’snotwhatyouthink.”

“NotwhatIthink?”Dadstrodeforward,nevertakinghisattentionoffPenn.“Waitaminute.Iknow

you.”

Pennclearedhisthroat,holdinghishandoutinintroduction.“We’vealreadymet.AttheWeeping—”

“Willow,yes.I’mold,butI’mnotsenile,”Dadgrumbled,shakingPenn’sgripbeforelettinggoand

marchingtomydeskwhereheleanedagainsttheedgewithhisarmscrossed.

Justlikethat,hestolethepositionofauthority,doinghisbesttomanipulatemeeventhoughhe

probablywasn’tawarehe’dslippedintoparentalmode.

Allmylife,he’ddonethis.Asubtleposture,aminorheadtilt.Ilovedhim,andhelovedme—andI

knewhe’dneverdoanythingtohurtme—buthedidcontrolmeasmuchwithdisappointmentashedid
withaffection.

“Iwasn’tsayingyouwere.”Pennstraightenedhisshoulders,hisgazelandingonmythighwhere

beneathmyskirttheremnantsofhisorgasmslickedandcoatedmylegs.

Theurgetocringewasstrong.Iwasn’tusedtohavingsuchthingsleftonmybodyafterdoing

somethingnotexactlypermittedinanoffice.Buttherewasanotherurgetoo...slightlybolderthanthefirst.
TheurgetodemandPenngotonhiskneesforachangeandwipeitoff.

Theimageofhimbowedbeforemeknottedmyinsides,eventhoughIknewitwouldneverhappen.He

wastooincontroltoeverletmebosshim.

“Well,someonehadbetterstarttalkingbeforeIcallsecurity.”Dadnarrowedhiseyesatme.“You

hatedthisguyafewnightsago,Elle.Youthrewyourdrinkinhisface.WhatthehelldidImissthathe’s
notonlypermittedintoourbuilding,butIhearfromGregandStevethatyou’reengaged.”Herubbedat
hischest.“I’mhurtthatIfoundoutthatway.I’mevenmorehurtthatmyowndaughtermisledme.”

PanicgatheredasIworriedabouthisheart.Whywasherubbinghischest?ShouldIcalladoctor?I

wantedtomollycoddlehimbutworriedthatifIchangedthesubjecttohealthratherthanclarifythis
massivemisunderstanding,I’dbeinalotmoretrouble.

Igatheredmyhairovermyshoulder,twistingitintoarope.“Youdon’thaveanyreasontobehurt,

Dad.It’sallabigmistake.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”
IstrokedSage’swarmfur.“Imeanwe’renotengag—”
“Shemeansweweregoingtoaskyourpermission,butunfortunately,sir,mypossessivenaturecame

outlastnightwhenGregimpliedIwasn’tgoodenoughforyourdaughter.”Pennstrodetowardmeand
tookthespotbesidemeonthecouch.

Sagestiffenedbutdidn’ttrytokillhimforbeingsoclose.
Smoothly,likehe’drehearsedthisverymoment,hecapturedmyhand,broughtittohislips,andkissed

myknuckles.“I’mawareElleandMr.Robson’ssonhavebeenraisedtogetherwiththeunderstandingof
onedaymarrying,butthatisnolongeranoption.”

Dad’smouthhungopen.“Itisn’t?Why?”
Penngavemeaslysmile,drippingwithintrigueandfalsehoods.“Because,withyourblessing,of

course,IwishtomarryNoelle.”

Igroaned,hangingmyhead.“Hedoesn’tmeanthat,Dad.It’sagame—”
Pennsilencedmewithaquickpinchtomyhand.“Sheisn’tfullyawarehowIfeelaboutheryet.She

believesI’mridiculoustowanttomarryherwhenwe’veonlyjustmet,butsheisn’tanoldromanticlike
weare,isshe,sir?”Hegrinnedatmyfather,baitinghimwiththetastyhookguaranteedtosparkhis
interest.

Dadsnappeditup,baitandsinker.“Youbelieveinloveatfirstsight?”
Pennleanedbackintothecouch,draggingmewithhim,imprisoningmewithhisarmovermy

shoulders.Themovewasrelaxed,buthisbodyhummedwithtensionIcouldn’tdecipher.“Absolutely.
Themomentyoumentionedheratthebar,shesoundedlikemytypeofwoman.”Heturnedpiercing
truthlesseyestome.“AndtheinstantIsawher,themomentshegavemeavodkashower,Iknew.”His
freehandnudgedmychinwithsharpknuckles,guidingmylipstohis.

Sageleapedoffmylapandtoreundermydesk.

Itriedtopullaway.
IhadnointentionofkissinghimwithDadpresent.Butjustlikealltheothertimes,hegavemeno

choice.Hismouthcaressedminewithchasteaffection—theperfectrecipeoftruthandbesottedaffection
tohoodwinkmyfather.

Ihatedhimforthat.
Idespisedthewayheliedtomylastremainingfleshandblood.
Tearingmylipsfromhis,Itriedtostand,togotomyfatherandexplainthiswasallabig

misunderstandingandnottolistentohim.

Butitwastoolate.
Myfatherhadlostthesuspiciousglint,hisbodynolongertightwithprotection.Hishearthadflown

backtoahappiertimewhenhemetmymotherandfellassoverheadatfirstsight.

Hisfaceglowed.“Youmeanthisisreal?”HeglancedbetweenPennandme.“Thisisn’taprank?All

thatanimosityatthestart,Elle,youwerejustoverlypassionate?”Hechuckled.“Irememberyourmother
hadthattenaciousstreak.She’dswatmefornoreasononlotsofoccasions.”Hisvoicegrewwistful.“I
missthat.”

“You’vegotitallwrong.It’snottru—”Istarted.
“It’sveryreal,”Pennmurmured.“I’vefallenforher,andI’vealreadyclaimedher.Ihopeyoudon’t

mind.”

“Mind?”Myfatherleapedupright,smackinghishandstogether.“I’mecstatic.TothinkEllefinallyhas

apartnertoleanon.Amanwhocomeswithhisownsuccesstoensurehersisn’ttakenadvantageof.”

Temperpercolated.HespokeasifIweresomedamselwhoneededprotectionfrombigbadogres

ratherthanaverycapablebusinesswoman.

ButIcouldn’tfaulthimforbeingsoenamoredwiththeideathatIwouldbeashappyashewaswith

Mom.Ijustwisheditweretrue.DadandIverysimilarbutinmattersofsensibilityversusdream-world,I
hadnotoleranceformake-believeanymore.

I’dtrustedthatcrazysparkwithNameless.I’dbeggedmyfathertohelpmeturnthecityupsidedown

andturfoutthetruth.I’dcriedmyselftosleepmoretimesthanIcouldrememberwishingDadwouldbe
morehelpfulinfindingtheonemanwhomademefeelsoalive,somyself,sotrueineverysense.

Buthe’drefused.
Sure,he’dhelpedatthestart.He’dgonewithmetothelocalprisonsandstoodbesidemewhileI

garbledabouthoodiesandbeardsandalley-rescue.Buthispatience,thatnormallyhadnobounds,was
tightandshortlived.

I’dfinallygottenhimtoadmithisreluctanceonenightwhenI’dthreatenedtosellmysharesinBelle

Elleandstepdownifhekeptroad-blockingmetofindNameless.

Allithadtakenwastwosentencestoseehowstubbornhewas.Istillremembereditclearascrystal:

“I’veindulgedyouforlongenough,Elle.It’stimeyouforgotaboutthatboyandmovedon.”Hisface
hadlostitsjoviallove,slippingintosternness.“He’sacriminal.IfyouthinkI’dletmycompanybe
co-runbysomeonewitharecord,youdon’tknowourcodeofethicsverywell.”

Andthat...well,thathadbeentheendofmyquestandthemomentofmeswitchingchildhoodfor

adulthood.I’dseensomethingpureinNamelessbutmyfatheronlysawwhatsocietycalledhim.

EvenifIhadfoundhim,Iwouldneverhavebeenallowedtobakehimblueberrypancakesorlethim

sleepsafeintheguestroom.Myfather,forallhiskindness,actuallyhadaflaw.Andithurtmemorethan
Icouldeversay.

SadnesscrushedmeasDadrushedoverandpumpedPenn’shand.“Congratulations.I’msohappyfor

bothofyou.”Tearsglistenedinhiseyesashedraggedmefromthecouchandbearhuggedme.“Bell
Button,I’mso—I’m—wordscan’tdescribehowmuchthismeanstome.Toknowyou’llbecherishedand
adoredandnolongerbealonewhenI’mgone.”

Hisarmsbandedsodamntight,mylungshadnospacetoexpand.
Ipattedhisback,torninpiecesaboutdoingtherightthingandtellinghimrightawayorlettingthelie

snowballandendupkillinghimwhenthetruthcameout.Ialsonursedthethree-yearhurtthathe’d
approvedPennjustbecausehecamefromwealthandsuccess(whichIhadyettofindoutabout)and
didn’thavearecord.Hewasacceptable.Namelesswasnot.

Asmuchasitwouldkillmetodestroyhissuddenelation,Icouldn’tdoit.Icouldn’tlethimbelieve

I’dchosenthedreamhehadforme.ThiswasPenn’sfault,notmine.Myfather’spainwouldcomefrom
theassholewhothoughthecouldlietomyfatherandnotbereprimanded.

“Dad,canItalktoyou.Inprivate?”Ishotaglareovermyshoulder.“Theengagementisn’twhatyou

think.PennandIaren’ttrulygettingmarried.”

“What?”Hepulledaway,hisfacefallingintoruin.“ButIthought—”
“She’sbeingcautious,sir.”Pennstoodandjoinedourhuddle.“Shedoesn’tbelieveinloveatfirst

sight.ShethinksI’mtryingtohurtyouwithlies.”Hegrinnedcoldly.“Whatshedoesn’tunderstandisa
manlikemeneedsassurancesbeforeIfullyinvestmyself.Ineedheragreementonmarriageinorderto
fullyopenmyselfandrevealeverythingIhavetooffer.”Heshookhisheadsadly,completelyignoringme,
andcontinuedtalkingtothehopelessromanticofmyfather.“I’msureyouunderstand.Afterall,youlook
likeamanwhohaslivedwithabrokenheartformanyyears.”Histonesoftened,butbeneathitlurked
glitteringsteel.“Yourdaughterhasthepowertobreak,notjustmyheart,butmyworld.Isitsowrongof
metowantherhandinmarriagenow,soIcanbebraveenoughtoshowhereverythingIcan?”

Irolledmyeyes.“Thatisaloadofutterbull—”
“Itmakesperfectsense.”Myfatherhuggedmeclose.“Elle,I’msoproudofyouandhowmature

you’rebeingaboutallthis.I’mawareyou’remorecynicalthanIamwhenitcomestolovebutseeingyou
withhim—itmakesmeso,sohappy.”

Onlybecauseyoubelievehe’sgoodforBelleElle.Thathe’sunsulliedwithgossipormisdoings—

unlikeanother.

I’dhadenough.Mytempersnapped.“I’mnotgoingtomarryhim,Dad.Bothofyoustopthischarade

rightnow.”

Pennglowered,hidinghisglareasmydadlaughed.“Yousaythatnow.”Hetappedmycheeklikea

child.“Iknowwhenthereisconnectionandchemistry.Andyoutwohaveitinspades.”

Hebackedtowardthedoor.“Infact,I’mgoingtoleaveyouinpeace,butyouhavemyblessing.Both

ofyou.”HeglancedatPenn.“I’mgladwehadthatchatatthebar.Iknowabitaboutyou,Mr.Everett,so
you’renotatotalstranger.However,whenyougetachance,howaboutaroundofgolforabeertopatch
upanyremainingholesinmyknowledge?Eventually,I’dlovetomeetyourbenefactorandanyother
familyyoumighthave.”

“Ofcourse.”Pennbowedhisheadwithold-fashionedrespect.“Atthesoonestopportunity.”He

grabbedmyhand,holdingmetight.“Andplease,callmePenn.”

WhatwouldDadsaywhenhefoundoutPennhadason?
WhatwouldIsaywhenIfoundoutwhatPenndidforalivingandwhymyfathervaluedhissuccess

sohighly?

Whatwouldanyofussaywhenthetruthcameout,andthiswasover?
Myfatheropenedmyofficedoor,beamingsobrightIthoughthe’dswallowedastar.“Allrightthen,

Penn.”Hechuckled.“Well,Penn,playyourcardsright,andsoon,I’llbecallingyouson-in-law.”
Blowingmeakiss,headded,“Welcometothefamily,son.”

Iwavedlikearobotashedisappearedandclosedthedoor.
Heleft.
Ilostit.
WhirlingonPenn,Ihissed,“Getout.Rightnow.”

Hegrabbedmycheeks,yankingmyfacetohis.Hislipscollidedhardandbrutal,histonguelashing

mineintosubmission.

Ididn’tfallforhisseductionthistime.Shovinghim,Idartedaroundmydeskandpressedtheintercom

toFleur.

SheansweredrightawayasPennstalkedme,comingcloserwithashadowedlookinhisgaze.
“AnythingIcangetyou?”Fleur’svoicehelpedremindmetheworldhadn’tsteppedintothetwilight

zone,andIwasstillthequeenofthisestablishment.

Sagestoodproudlyonmydesk,givingPennanevilcat-smile,knowinghewasintrouble.
Straighteningmyshouldersanddrawingupeveryounceofcourage,Isnipped.“Yes,callsecurity.My

fiancéneedshelpleavingthebuilding.”

ChapterTwenty

IMANAGEDTOavoidmyhusband-to-beforthreedays.

Hecalledtheoffice.
Hesomehowgotmycellphonenumber.
Healreadyhadmyfatheronhisside.
Andhe’dcorruptedmybodyagainstme.
Buthehadn’tsucceededincontrollingmymind,andhedefinitelyhadn’tmasteredmyheart.
Iwasweakwherehewasconcerned,Iwouldadmitthat.Andhe’ddrawnmeintohisuntruthstothe

pointIcouldn’tlookmyfatherintheeyeandtellhimitwasallabigfabrication.

Hewastoohappy.Hisskinwasrosier,hiswalkbouncier,andhisoutlookonlifechirpier.Fears

abouthisheartandanotherattackkeptmefromshatteringhishappiness.

Fornow,I’dlethimbelievePennandIweretogether.ButonceI’dearnedwhatIwantedfromhim

andwasnolongeravirginwithcommitmentissues,Iwouldbreakitoff,endthefakeengagement,andgo
onwithmylife.

Whoknew,perhapsIwouldsurpriseeveryoneandacceptGregasmyfuturepartnerbecauseatleast

hewasnormalandpredictable.IcouldhavemyflingwithdangerandthenappreciateGregallthemore.

Everyoneusedeveryoneelse.Ididn’tletguilteatatmeforusingPenn—especiallywhenhewasthe

oneusingmejustasmuch.

“We’rehere,Ms.Charlston.Wouldyoulikemetowait,ordoyoubelievethemeetingwilllasta

while?”Davidtwistedinthedriver’sseattofacemesittingintheback.

Myhairhungneatlyovermyshoulder,myblackskirtwithcreamlacebeltandChineseblossom

jacketpaintedmeastheleaderofthelargestretailchainintheUSA.

Iclutchedthefolderonmylap.“ThelasttimeImetwiththissupplier,Ididn’tleaveforfourhours.”
“Iremember.”Davidgrinned.“Ialsorecallyoutextingmeapologeticallysayingyouwouldn’tbe

muchlonger.”

Inodded.IwasyoungerthenandlessadeptatoffsitemeetingsandtheguiltatleavingDavidwaiting

inacarforsolong.Thatwashisjob—alongwithothertasks,butIdidn’texpecthimtobeboredor
uncomfortable.

“Ifyouhaveerrandsyou’dliketorun,feelfree.I’llcallthirtyminutesbeforeit’sduetoendtogive

youtimetoreturn.”

“Areyousure?”Hislargebulktwistedfurtherintheseat.“Ifyouthinkit’sonlygoingtobeashort

meeting,I’llwait.”

Ishookmyhead.“I’dratherknowyouwerebusythanbored.”
Hisebonyskinbouncedthestreetlightoffhisforeheadashelaughed.“Sure.Well,I’llhavemyphone,

andI’llkeepaneyeonthetime.IfIhaven’theardfromyoubytenp.m.,I’llheadbackanyway.”

“Okay.”Hoistingthefilesintomyarmandgrabbingmyhandbag,IletmyselfoutoftheRangeRover

andsmiledatthedoormenwhobidmewelcometotheBlueRabbit.

I’deatenherebefore.Thetapasmenuservedsecond-to-nonedelicacieswithdelectablesamplers.

NotthatI’dbeenabletoeatverymuchbecauselasttimehadbeenabusinessmeeting,justliketonight.

Mostofmysocialengagements,minusthelast-minutehighschoolget-togethers,werewithbigwigs

fromothercompanies,improvingourrelationshipsorbuildingonalreadyestablishedtradeagreements.

Stuffingmyfacewithsalmoncrostiniorrisottoballswasn’texactlycorrectetiquette.
Stridingincreamheels,Iapproachedthemaître-d.“Hello,I’mlookingfortheLovelineparty?”
“Ah,yes.Rightthisway.”Theheadwaiternoddedandguidedmeintotherestaurant,aroundquaint

tablesandbigtablestoalargeoneatthebackoftheroomwhereitwasquieter.Bluevelvetdrapeshung
onthewallswhilethesaltandpeppershakerswereintheshapeofcutebunnies.

Nearingthetable,JenniferStarkstoodupandwaitedwithherhandoutstretched.“Helloagain,Ms.

Charlston.”

Ishookherhandwarmly.“Please,callmeElle.”
“Ellethen.”Lettingmego,shesatbackdownwhilemotioningtothethreeotherdinersaroundthe

table.“ThisisBai,Andrew,andYumaekofromthemerchandisingandproductiondepartmentsin
Shenzhen.”

“Hello.”Inoddedpolitely.
Settlingintothelastremainingseat,Iglancedoncearoundtherestaurant,afraidthatjustliketheother

timesI’dbeeninpublic,Pennmightshowup.Heseemedtohaveaknackforfindingme.

Jenniferleapedstraightintoitwhiletwowaitersbroughtwaterandanarrayofstarterstothetable.

“Asyouknow,Lovelineisanup-and-cominglabelwe’rehopingwillfindanichemarketatBelleElle.”

Iopenedmyfolderandpulledoutmyvoicerecorder.I’dlongsincestoppedtryingtotakenotes.This

wayFleurcouldtypeuptheimportantpointswhenIheadedintotheofficetomorrow.

“CanyoutellmeabitaboutwhatLovelinewillconsistof?”
Jennifersmiledshylyatherco-workersbeforereachingintoherbagandpullingoutapamphlet.She

keptitface-down,passingitoverthewhitetablecloth.“Theworldismuchmoreopenaboutsexuality
thesedays,andwebelievecapitalizingonthisopennessisaprimeopportunity,especiallywithmore
eroticliteratureandmoviesinthemainstreammarket.”

Iturnedtheleafletoverandpromptlyslappeditagainstmychest,sotheyoungwaitressdidn’tseethe

giantglitterydildoonthefront.“You’reproposingsextoys?Inamajordepartmentstore?”

“We’reproposingtoysforadultsinaprivateroomlocatedwithinthelingeriedepartment,yes.”
Mycheeksburned.
UpuntilPenncameintomylife,Ihadn’thadtodealwithsexatall.Now,mydreamsweresaturated

inskinandpanting.Mydaysconsumedwithkissingandthrusting.Andnow,Ihadtotalkaboutdildos
beingsoldunderourbrand.

“I’mnotsosurethat’sappropriate.”
Jennifergrinned,herredhairtiedinaneatbunonthetopofherhead.“Ithoughtyou’dsaythat,soI

broughtthelatestnumbersfromMarkSacsinAustralia,whorecentlyintroducedtheLovelinetotheir
departmentstoreswithrecord-breakingsuccess.”Sheslidanotherpamphlettowardme,onlythistime,
thenumbersandgraphsweren’tsorisqué.

MyeyeswidenedasIglancedatthefigures.“Wow,that’simpressive.”
“TheentirestockoftwohundredSeahorsesandthreehundredHummingbirdsweresoldinthefirst

weekalone.They’vehadtoreorderthreetimessinceintroducing,alongwithamassivebumpinsaleson
lingeriejustfromadd-onpurchases.”Shegrinned.“Thebottomlinetalks,Elle.”

Ilookedup.“WhatexactlyisaSeahorseandaHummingbird?”
Herbusinesspartnerschuckledassheslidoverasmallblackbagwithpinkcrepepaperstickingfrom

thetop.“Ithoughtyoumightask.IncludedaresamplesfromourtopsellersincludingtheTigerTail,
Rattlesnake,andPandakiss.”

“Allnamedafteranimals?”Ituggedthebagandplaceditsecurelyinmylap,leaningoverthetopto

keepthecontentshiddenwhileIpeekedinside.

Thereinneat,classysee-throughtealboxeswereanarrayofdildos,vibrators,andbejeweledplugs.
Iclosedit,swallowinghardasmyfantasiesimaginedPennwieldingoneofthoseashefistedhiscock

inhishand.Jenniferwasright.Menandwomenstillplayed.Iwasinalong-runninggamemyselfandhad
nodoubtothersdabbledwithtoysandapparatus.

Whynotcapitalizeonsuchanemergingandnowacceptablemarket?
Dadwillhaveafit.
ButIwastheboss.
AndIwascurious.
Placingthebagbymyankle,Ilinkedmyhandsonthetableandsmiled.“Let’stalk.”

*****

Penn(8:45p.m.):Threedaysistoolong.I’veallowedyoutoavoidmeoutofrespect.Buttonight,
you’remine.

Penn(9:15p.m.):Ihavemethodstofindyou,Elle.IgaveyoumywordIwouldn’tlietoyou,so

believemewhenIsayI’mtastingyoutonightandyou’llfuckingbegformore.

Penn(9:35p.m.):Seeingasyoudidn’ttextback,I’veusedtheGPSonyourphonetofindyour

location.

Penn(9:55p.m.):Fuck,youlooksexywhileyoutalkbusiness.
Myheadshotup,glancingaroundtherestaurant.
I’dfeltmyphonevibrateafewtimesduringthebusinessmeetingbuthadn’tcheckedit.Ididn’twant

toberudeandinterrupttheflowoffiguresandforecasts.I’donlytakenitouttotextDavidandtellhimI
wasalmostdoneandtobringthecararound.

ThatwasuntilIfoundmultipletextsfromPenn.
Myheartmimickedtherabbitsaltandpeppershakers,hoppingaroundmychestasIsearchedthelast

remainingdiners.BeingaTuesdaymeantfewpeoplelingeredovertheirmeals,needingtoheadhomefor
anotherearlystarttomorrow.

“Everythingokay?”Jenniferasked,signingoffhercreditcardbillforthetapaswe’dnibbledon

throughoutthepresentation.I’dofferedtopay,butshehadn’tletme.Notthatshewouldmind,seeingas
I’dplacedasignificantordertobedeliveredintwomonthstotestthemarket.

Itwassinfulbuyingsextoystoputintoamainstreamretailchain,butwithabitofrejigginginthe

lingeriedepartment,agrottoforadultscouldbebuiltrathereasilywithstrictrulesaboutentryandallthe
necessaryprecautionsofunlabeledopaqueshoppingbagsandcodesonreceiptsratherthanin-depth
detailsoftheirpurchase.

IfIwashonest,itwasratherexciting.
JustlikethecomplexfeelingsIhadatthethoughtofPennwatchingme.
Butafterscanningallthetables,therewasnosignofhim.
“Yes,I’mfine.”Ilookedbackather,slouchinginreliefandfizzingwithdisappointment.
He’snothere.
Ididn’tknowwhyhecausedtwopolarextremes.Iwantedhimhere.Ididn’twanthimhere.Neither

wasalie.Iliterallyfeltboththingsatonce.

Jenniferpushedherchairin,gatheringhermaterialsandsmilingashercolleaguesstood.“Itwasa

pleasuretomeetyouagain,Elle.”

Weshookhands.“Likewise.”
IclosedmyfolderandensuredIhadmylittleblackbagofsamplersandmyhandbag.
Together,weallleftthetable.
Iturnedtowardtheexit.

Andtherehewas.
Hiselbowleanedonthebarwhilehisanklescrossedelegantly.Heheldatumblertohismouth,his

eyesgluedtomeasifhehadn’tbeenlookinganywhereelse.Asifhecouldn’tlookanywhereelse.

Halfofmewantedtoslaphimwhiletheotherhalfwantedtokisshimuntilwewerekickedfromthe

restaurantforobscenepublicdisplaysofaffection.

IswallowedhardasmyfeetrememberedwhattodoandfollowedJenniferandherpartnerstoward

freshairandmyawaitingcarride.

Tippingtherestofhisdrinkdownhisthroat,Pennpushedawayfromthebarandstrolledeverso

causallybutnotcasuallyatalltowardthesamedoorIdid.Hewasn’tinasuitthistime,butinablack
long-sleevesweaterpusheduptohiselbowsandfadeddenimjeans.Thematerialwrappinghischest
clungtoeveryridgeandmuscle,remindingmeI’dseenwhathehidinhisjeansbuthadn’tseenanything
else.

Myfingersitchedtotearitoffhim.
Tofindoutifhewasasperfectnakedashewasdressed.
MyheartmangleditselfintosexuallyfrustratedpiecesasIexitedandlostsightofhim.Jenniferand

herpartnerssaidtheirgoodbyesbeforehoppingintoaTownCartoreturntotheirhotel.

DavidjumpedoutoftheawaitingRangeRoverandgrabbedmybelongings.“Allgood?Readytogo?”
Ishouldsayyes.Ishouldleapinthe4WDanddemandhepeelawaylikearacecardrivertokeepme

outoftheclutchesofPennEverett.ButIdawdleddeliberately,rakingahandthroughmyhairand
pretendingtosoakupthebalmynightsky.

“I’lltakeherhome.”
Thesmooth,sensualvoicewrappedaroundmefrombehindasPennsteppedtomysideandplacedhis

handonmylowerback.

Threedaysdeletedinapoofofdesire.
Myangerwithhimforlying.
Myrageatbeingmanipulated...allgone.
He’dmadethisitchinsidemeintolerable.
Hewouldhavetobetheonetofixit.
Pennsmiled,leaningforwardtocapturethelittleblackbagfromDavid’sfingers.“We’lltakethat,

too.”

MyeyeswidenedasIgulped.“Howdoyou—”
Knowwhat’sinthere?
Istoppedmidwaybecausethequestionwasuseless.
Judgingbyhistexts,he’dbeenwatchingmeforawhile.Hewould’veseenflashesoftheproductasI

fondledafewunderthetable,testingtherubberdildosanddoingwhatJennifersuggestedtoseehow
lifeliketheywere.

MycheeksburnedasPenncapturedmyhand.“Elle,pleasetellyourdriverthatyou’rehappytoletme

takeyouhomeandthatI’mnotkidnappingyouorholdingyouunderduress.”

Iblinked,noticingDavid’stenseshouldersandthewayhe’dpushedasidehisblazertorevealthe

hiddenholsterandhandleofhisweapon.“It’sokay,David.Iknowhim.”

“Ma’am?”Hedidn’ttakehiseyesoffPenn.Helookedhimupanddown.“Hedoeslookfamiliar,now

thatyoumentionit.”

Familiar?Whywouldhelookfamiliar?
PennwasanythingbutordinaryandIwasfairlysureI’dneverbumpedintohimbefore.Besides,he

himselfhadtoldmyfatherhe’donlyrecentlyreturnedtoNewYorkafterbeingawayforatime.

Isaidpolitely,“HisnameisPennEverett.”
Pennamended.“Ms.Charlston'sfiancé.”

Icringed.Wordsdangledonmytonguetodenyit,butwhatwouldbethepoint?Myfatheralready

believed,Steve,Greg...whatwasonemoreintheschemeofthisstorybook?

Davidshiftedinplace.“Isee.”Hedidn’trelax,though,whichIfoundmildlydisconcerting.
Heturnedhisattentiontome.
Yearsago,whenmyfatherhadhiredhimtoprotectme,we’dworkedonaseriesofcodesIcouldsay

ifIfeltthreatenedorcouldn’tspeakhonestly.IfIwasbeingheldatgunpointorbeingrobbed,asimple
phrasewouldsendDavidintomilitarymode.

“Anyotherordersforthenight,ma’am?”Hewaited,givingmetimetospeakoneofthecodes.
I’mtiredandbelieveI’lltakeabubblebathtonight:codeforakidnapping.
I’mnotfeelingwell;Imightwalkinstead:codeforarobberyorguninmyside.
Isaidneither.
ThesilencedraggedonasecondtoolongbeforePenntuggedonmyfingers.
Withouthesitation,Imovedwithhim.“No,nottonight,David.”
Daviddidn’ttrytosavemeagain.

ChapterTwenty-One

TENMINUTESINTOthewalk,mynervesgotthebetterofme.

SqueezingPenn’sfingers,Iasked,“Whereareyoutakingme?”
“Myplace.”
“Why?”
Hechuckled,hisfaceshroudedindarkness.“Whydoyouthink?”
Mytummyclenchedashisvoicelostitsdecorumandslippedintosin.
“Tofuckyou,ofcourse.”Histeethflashedasheadded,“I’vewaitedforaslongasIcan.Youhaven’t

toldyourfatherIwaslyingaboutourengagement,andyouhaven’trunbacktoyourbodyguard.Therefore,
Iknowyou’reupforwhateverIhaveplanned,andyouwillnotargue.”Hisjawlowered.“Willyou,Bell
Button?”

Mymouthwateredwithhowwrongbuthowrightthatsounded.Fantasiesofwhatcouldhappen

tonightunraveledwithlightningdesire—

Wait.
HecalledmeBellButton.
Angertookprecedent.“Thatisn’tyournicknametouse.”
“No?”Heraisedaneyebrow.“Yetyoulet—whatwashername?Chloe—callyouDingDongBell.

Doyoupreferthat?”

Myteethlockedtogether.“Ipreferneither.Elleisperfectlyacceptable.Souseit.”
Helaughedinasoftsigh.“Sodefensive.”
“Notdefensive.Protective.”
Hisheadshotup,hiseyessinkingintomelikebarbs.“Youfeeltheneedtoprotectyourselfaround

me?”

“Constantly.”
Hisshadowswallowedme.“Why?”
“Whywhat?”
“Youknowwhat.Answerthequestionandstopdancingaroundit.”Thewayhepushedforananswer

hintedhehadulteriormotivestoknowwhyIbarricadedmyselffromhim.WhyIwouldneverletmyself
feelmoreforhimthanjustphysicaldesire.

We’dknowneachotheraweekorso.IwaswomanenoughtoadmitIfoundhimimmenselyattractive.

IwasgirlenoughtoadmitIlikedtheideaofinstanttruelove.ButIwasrealisticenoughtoknowthat
wouldneverhappenforabusinessownerlikeme.

Besides,hewasruthlessinhisownsuccess.Webbedinliesandhiddeninhalf-truths,hewasnota

mantotrustwithanythingbreakable—especiallymyheart.

Mybodywouldbruise.
Butitwouldheal.
Itdidn’tstopthefactthatPennwantedsomethingfromme.
Ifitwasjustsex,thenourmotiveswereinline.
ButthemoreIspentinhiscompany,themoreIsensedthatwasn’thisendgame.
Inarrowedmyeyes,tryingtoseepasthisarrogantshieldsandreadwhathetrulymeant.Butallhe

revealedwasamansupremeinhisabilityandself-worth.Amanasproudandaspompousasapeacock.

Yet...hehasason.
Howcouldsomeonesocoldandemotionallyunavailablehaveachilddependentonhim?Wherewas

Stewie’smother?WhowasLarry?Whatthehellwouldhappenbetweenusoncewe’dslepttogether?

ThequestionsbuiltontopofhisinanunstableJengatower.Onewronganswerandtheentire

foundationofourso-calledrelationshipwouldcrumble.

Tonightwasnotthenighttoletitfall.
Tomorrowitcould.
Becausebytomorrow,Iwould’vegotwhatIwanted,hewould’vegotwhathewanted,andthings

wouldgobacktothewaytheywere.Pennandhislieswouldfadefrommylifebeforehecausedany
moredamage.

“Youaskwhy,yetIcouldaskyouthesamequestion.”Ipushedahead,leavingtheglowofastreetlight

andsteppingintoapoolofnight.“Whydoyouprotectyourselffromme?”

Heslammedtoastop.“Idon’t.”
“Youdo.”
Hisjawworked,hishandsopeningandclosingbyhissides.“I’mguarded;there’sadifference.”
“Isthere?”Icockedmyhead.“Funny,Iwouldsayprotectiveandguardedwerethesamething.”
Hestormedtowardme,grabbingmebythethroatandmarchingmebackwarduntilIhitthefaçadeof

anapartmentbuilding.Thebrickwashard.Hewasharder.Iwasthesoftmiddlethatdidn’tstanda
chance.“Ifyouevertrytopsychoanalyzemeagain,you’llbesorry.”

Iswallowed,forcingfearpastthecageofhishandaroundmyneck.Evennow,mybodyhummed

beneathhisgrip.Itseemedmycellshadembracedthesensationoferoticismandfoundanygrasp
appropriate.

“WhywouldIbesorry?”Myvoicebarelyregisteredaudible.“Whatwouldyoudo?Killme?”
Imeantitflippantly,casually.Aphrasetossedaroundfartoooftenandnevermeant.Butinsteadof

eitherignoringtheclichédareoradmittingheranmuchdarkerthanIthought,hesmiledwithallthe
sharpnessofabutcher’sarsenal.“Perhaps.”

Myheartleapedoutofmybody,racingtoborrowatelephonetocallthepolice.Butmyinsides

burnedwithadifferentflavorthanbefore.Iflustwasacolor,I’dbeenbathedinredsandpinksfordays.
NowIswaminblacksanddeep,deeppurples,wantingnothingmorethantoletgoandforgetwhoIwas
andbecomewhoIdaredneverbe.

Strainingagainsthisfingers,Ideliberatelystrangledmyselfinhishold.“Whatareyougoingtodoto

meifIacceptI’llneverknowyouandadmitIdon’twantto?WhatwillyoudowhenIadmitI’musing
youlikeyou’reusingme?Fuckme?”

Heneverlookedaway;neverreducedthepressureonmythroat.“Itoldyouthatwasmyintention.”
Heconstantlyhadmeatadisadvantage.Iwassickofit.IfIwantedtoholdmyground,Ihadtostart

actingmoremyselfandnotatimidlittlegirl.Gatheringmycourage,Imurmured,“Stopthreatening,and
getitoverwiththen.”

Hisfingersspasmed.Hisbodyweightlandedonmine.“Getitoverwith?”
“Yes.Iwantyoutofuckmethenleavemealone.”
Aslightgroanfellfromhislips.“Youcan’tsaythingslikethatonanemptystreet.”
“Whynot?Iwould’vethoughtemptywouldbepreferabletobusy.Nooneisheretowatch.”
Heshookhishead,darkhairdancingoverhisforehead.“BusymeansI’mforcedtokeepmyhandsto

myself.”Heyankedmeclose,droppinghisfingersfrommynecktomybreastwhilehisleftarmlooped
aroundmywaist.

Thesoftthudofthebagholdingthesextoysampleslandedonthesidewalkashishandmassagedmy

flesh,histhumbandfingerpinchingmynipple.“AnemptystreetmeansIcouldturnyouaround,hoistup
yourskirt,andsinkinsideyouwithoutbeingseen.”

Ishivered.
Itsoundedsowrong.
Itsoundedsogood.
Forcingmyselftoremainsane,Ilookedupatthebuildingsallaroundus.Thefaintglowoffamilies

andtheshadowsofactivitiesmovedsubtlyabove.“We’dbeseen,regardlessifwesawthemornot.”

Hefollowedmygaze,histhroatexposedashisheadtippedup.Hisfingerstwitchedonmybreast.

“You’reright.”

Histouchfellawayashetookastepback.“Pity.”
Collectingthebagagain,heslippedbackintoaprowl,draggingmewithhim.

*****

“Youlivehere?”

Henoddedashepulledakeyfromhispocket.
“Asinthewholebuilding?”Ilookedupattheminiskyscraperwithitshighsashwindowsandfaded

duck-eggblueexterior.

“Itneedswork,butthat’swhyIboughtit.”Heunlockedtheancientdoorknobandpulledmeintoa

foyerwithartdecotiles,asquarechandelier,andpeelingwallpaper.Theceilingsoaredatleastfour
storiesaboveuswithadoublewidthstaircasecurlingupinaspiraltomultiplefloors.

“Wow.”
Heletmego,movingtowardthewallwheretheflickofabronzelightswitchmagicallygracedthe

placewithillumination.Thesoftclickwokeupcountlesslightbulbs,glitteringwithdustandweathered
withtime.

“LikeIsaid,aworkinprogress.”Onceagain,hecapturedmywrist,cartingmeupthestairs.He

didn’tgivemeachancetomarvelattheoriginalcraftsmanshiporquestionhowlonghe’dbeentheowner.

Itwasasifthebuildingdidn’texisttohim.Asiftheonlythingthatmatteredtohimwasme.
Ididn’tspeakaswemadeourwayupandup.Hedidn’tstoponfloortwoorthreeorfour.Hekept

tuggingmehigheruntilweenteredfloortenorelevenandunlockedyetanotherdoorinthedingymoth-
nibbledhallway.

Itwaslikesteppingintoadifferentworld.
We’dheadedthroughatimecapsuleandenteredaresplendentsuiteofartdecocharm,1930’s

decoration,andimmaculatepresentation.

MymouthfellopenasIdriftedforward.“This—thisisincredible.”
“Ofcourse,itis.It’smine.”Helockedthedoorbehindhimthenstrodethroughthespace.“Justlike

you.”Hisjawtightenedbeneathhisfiveo’clockshadow.“Ionlyownincrediblethings.”

Myheartlurchedratherthanmybody.
Wasthatanoddcompliment?Anodthathedidcareformebeyondphysicalgratification?
Don’tbeabsurd.Yourheartiswrong.It’sonasabbatical,researchingmythsonloveandfindingno

solidproofitexists.

Pennwaseverythingpoemsandfablespromised.Ifitwasn’tforthebroodingangerortautprotection

heshelteredbehind,ofcourse.

IfonlyIcouldmakehimswallowatruthserumandtearoutanswers—revealjusthowshallowor

deepheran.

Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffhim.Iexpectedhimtofitinwiththisspace,tofeelathomeandmove

freely,yetsomethingdidn’tsitright.Hekickedoffhisshoesandpaddedbarefootoverpolishedmosaic
woodfloors,butsomethingwasmissing.Hewasn’tatease.Hemovedasifthiswasasforeignandnew
tohimasitwastome.

Whyisthat?
“Howlongagodidyoumovein?”Ikickedoffmyheels,placingthembythekitchenisland.
Pennsmiled.“You’reaskingquestions?”
“Isthatagainsttherules?”
Hepaused;somethingflickeredoverhisfacethatIcouldn’tdecipher.“Somearen’t.Othersare.”
Thecrypticnessgavemeaheadache.“Soyoucan’ttellmehowlongyou’velivedhere?”
“YouoverheardpartofwhatItoldyourfatherattheWeepingWillow.I’vemovedbacktotown

recently.Soifyoubelievethat,thenyou’llbelievethatthisisanewpurchase.”

“WhydoIneedtobelievesomethingifit’strue?”
Hedidn’treply.
Ipushedwithanotherquestion.“Yousaidyourbenefactorwassick.Thatyoureturnedforhim.Ishe

okay?”

Asoftnessflowedoverhim—somethingsounexpectedandendearingtosee.Whoeverhisbenefactor

was,hecaredforhimalotmorethanhewouldadmit.“He’sfinenow.Itwasarareformofbloodcancer.
Theyhaveitundercontrol.”

“That’sgood.”
“Itis.”
Theconversationstalled.Awkwardnesssettledlikeathirdwheel.Ifeltresponsible.Before,our

silencehadbeenpotentwithdesire.Now,ithungheavywithconfusion.

WhydidIcareabouthim,thisbuilding,andwhoeverhismysterybenefactorwas?
I’mhereforonethingonly.
Samethingashewas.
Takingadeepbreath,Imarchedacrosstheroom.Hisarmsopenedwide,knowingwhatIdid—that

theonlywaytodeletethesuddenweirdnessbetweenuswastoreturntothebasics.

Theplacewherehateandlikedidn’tmatter.
Hislipsstoppedmythoughts.Hisarmsceasedmyworry.Heletwhateverrestrainthehadleftfray

andstalkedmebackward,hismouthneverleavingmine,hissheerpowercorrallingmeagainsta
sideboard.

Hisfingersgrabbedmyjawashekissedmehard.
Histasteofmintanddarknessfloodedmysenses.
Itrembledinhishold.
Asquicklyasthekissbegan,itended.Hisfingersstungmyoversensitiveskinashetuggedme

forward,movingstealthilytowardadoorpasttheopenplankitchen,livingroom,anddining.Allaround,
largepicturewindowsallowedthecitytoentertainuswithitselectricvibranciesandpedestriansbelow.

Openingadoor,Pennletmego,allowingmetodriftforwardintohisbedroomwhilehetossedthe

blackbagontohisbed.

IfolloweditasthesilverglitterdildocalledtheSeahorsebouncedoutandlayaccusinglyonthedark

graycoverlet.

Penndidn’tnotice.Orifhedid,hedidn’tglanceatit.Idoubtedhe’dnoticeanythingelsenowIwas

inhislair.Iwashisconquest,histrophy.Ididn’tknowwhyIgotthefeelingthiswasmoreabouthimthan
itwasaboutme,butinanoddway,Iwasglad.

IcouldtakewhatIwantedwithouthavingtoworryaboutemotionsgettingintheway.Icouldkeep

myselfprotectedallwhilegivinghimeveryintimatepartofmyself.

Ishiveredashestalkedtowardme,crowdingmeagainstthewall.Heseemedtoprefermelockedin

place,unabletogoanywhere.

Hehadn’tofferedmeadrinkorsomethingtoeat.
He’dbroughtmeheretofuckme.

Thatwasall.
IknewImightbehurtbythatlater.ThatforallmybravadoandbeliefIcouldkeepthisaboutsex,I

mightstillover-analyzeandreadintoeverymoment.Butrightnow...rightnowallIwantedwashim.AllI
neededwashim,andIwaspreparedtobecold-heartedtodothat.

“You’resofuckingbeautiful,Elle,”hemurmured,plantingonehandonthewallbymyhead,

imprisoningme.Thepulseinhisneckwasvisibleashisgazeslippedfromwarmsabletobrutalblack.
Hisotherhandlandedonmycheek,histhumbgrazingmyjawtothecornerofmymouth.

Hepaused,holdinghisthumbthere.“Youdon’thaveacluewhatyou’redoingtome,doyou?”He

pressedhiserectionagainstmybelly.“AndI’mnotgoingtotellyou.”

What?WhatamIdoingtoyou?
Thewayhesaiditachedwithtenderness.Forthebriefestsecond,hewasn’tsomerichtycoonabout

tostripanddevourmebutasweetseducerdrowningbeneathhisownuntruths.

Thatwastheproblemwithbeingguarded.
Peoplewithliescouldnevermakefriends.Butpeoplewithtrustcouldnevermakeenemies.
Bothwereweak.
Isuckedinabreath,partingmylips,allowinghimtoinserthisthumbintomymouth.
Theintrusionwassexyandhot,andhisskintastedofsalt.
Iwantedtoaskwhyhewouldn’ttellme.ThatIwantedtoknowwhatcrazypowerIhadoverhim

whenIfeltsohelplessinhispresence.Butheleanedforward,lickingmybottomlipasheheldmymouth
openwithhisthumb.“I’mnotgoingtotellyoubecauseI'mgoingtoshowyou.”

Heleanedagainstme,chesttochest,hipstohips.Hetrappedmejustashehadinmyofficeandthe

alleyandthestreetandmydepartmentstore.

Hetrappedme,anditdredgedupyetmorememoriesofthreeyearsagowhenahoodedmanfreedme

fromrobbersandawokemyteenagesoul.Thedifferenceswerestartling.Onemanhadunlockedmy
world.Thisonedidhisbesttoimprisonme.

Neitherwouldbesuccessful.
OnlyIheldthatpower,anditwasmyprerogativetolendittoanotherordenyit.
Afainthintofangeranduntappeddesiresiphonedfromhimtome,yetbeneaththat,therewas

somethingelse.SomethingIhadn’tfeltfromhimbefore.

Softnesswrappedinbarbwire.
Itdidn’tdiminishtheintensityofhowhewatchedme,touchedme,controlledmewiththemultiple

facetswithinhim.Hisfacialscruffscrapedmycheekashebenthisneckandkissedmythroat.Myeyes
slammedclosedashisteethbitmycollarbone.Hisaftershaveshotupmynoseashishandslandedonmy
sides,swoopinguptorubmynippleswithhisthumbs.

Hislipstracedupmyneck,kissingbutnotgently.NothingaboutPennwasgentle.Itallcamefroma

placeofviolencemixedwithpleasure.Theslipperinessofhisteethaddedathrillingdimensiontohis
warmmouth,andImoanedasheonceagaincapturedmyfaceinhisstrong,coolfingersandtippedme
justtherightway.

Hislipssealedovermine,sweettostartthenvicious.Mybodyslammedagainstthewall,harderand

harderashetriedtoconsumeme,hislipscausingbruisesthatwouldneverheal.

Ihadnochoicebuttoletgo.Togiveupstandingandbreathingandthinking.
IfIdidn’t,I’dscreamwithhispossession.
Givinginwastheeasiestandonlyoption.
BecausethenIcouldstopthinkingandjustbe.Beawoman,desire...me.
Hecontrolledeveryminutething.
Hewasrightwhenhesaidhewouldn’tlietome.

Thekisstoldmethingshenodoubtwantedtokeephidden.Thingslike‘thisisme,thisiswhoIam.I

won’tapologize’.Andbeneaththat...beneaththosesexymessagesofwantingtofuckmewasadeeper,
darkerthread.

Athreadthatdaredmetoargue,toprobedeeperintowhohewas,toswitchhimfrompassionate

strangertosomeoneIcouldperhapscall...notafriend,butatleastanacquaintance.

Hisotherhandloopedaroundmyspine,jerkingmefromthewall,shovinghisfingersdowntheback

ofmyskirt.HefingeredthelaceofmyG-stringandthetopofmyass,rockinghiserectionintomybelly.

Ineedair.Ineedsanity.
Buthescoopedmeintohisarms,lettingmylegsdanglebetweenhisashestalkedtowardhisbedand

threwmedown,tossingtheblackbagontothefloor.

Hisfacecontortedwithlust.“We’llusetoysanothertime.Tonight,Ijustneedyou.”Grabbingmy

jacket,heforcedmetowrigglefreeasheremovedmyarmsfromthesleeves.

TheminuteIlaythereinmyblouseandskirt,hesmirked.“Ihopeyou’renottooattachedtothese.”
Withafuriousyank,herippedmyblouseapart.Thetinyseashellbuttonspingedintoallcornersofhis

roomwhilecoolairkissedmynakedbelly,revealingmyblacklacebra.

Hegroaned,bendingovermetopressakissontheswellofmybreast.
Withoutthinking,Iheldhisheadtomychest,breathinghard,pantingquick,runningmyhandsthrough

hishairwithaffectionIdidn’tnecessarilyfeel.

Herearedback,hisgazenarrowedandfullofrage.
Westaredateachother,silentlywaging,tryingtofigureouthowlineshadblurredalready.Pulling

backtostandbytheedgeofthebed,Pennleftmespeechless,breathless,wonderingwhatthehellwas
happening,andjustwhohewasbeneaththesurface.

Hishandslandedonhisbelt,yankingtheleatherfreeandrippingitfromtheloops.
Myskinwasneedyanddemanding.Iwantedhimclose.Iwantedhimonme.Screwthetinyvoiceof

fearthatmyfirsttimewouldhurt.

“Takeoffyourclothes,”hegrowledthickly,hisvoicenolongerentirelyhumanasheshovedhisjeans

downhislegsandsteppedoutofthem.

Sittinguponthebed,Iobeyed,shruggingoutofmydamagedtopandreachingbehindtounhookand

unzipmyskirt.Themomentitunfastened,Ilaybackdown,shimmyingfromthematerialuntilhegrabbed
theendsandyankedittherestoftheway.

Mygarterbeltglitteredinthelowlampsbythewindowanddoor.Mypantyhoseremindedme

everyoneelseknewmeasthequeenofBelleElle,yetPennwastheonlyonetotearmedownuntilIwas
nakedandbeggingforasingletouch.

HisgazelatchedbetweenmylegswheremyblackG-stringmatchedmybra.Hebithislip,then

grabbedmyankles,yankedmedownthebed,andpressedhimselfontopofme.Hisfistslammedintothe
mattresswithallthefrustrationandragehewouldn’tadmit,makingmyhearthammerandbloodrace.

“Fuck,Iwanttobeinsideyou.”
Isurrenderedtohisferalkiss,lettinghimdirectandguideme.Hisfingerspluckedatmygarters,

undoingmypantyhoseuntiltheyhungundonearoundmythighs.Herockedhiscockagainstme—theonly
thingsseparatingusweretwopiecesofcotton.

Terrortriedtointerruptmypleasure—thingslikebirthcontrolandprotectionandthefactIshouldtell

himitwasmyfirsttime.

Butembarrassmentkeptmylipsshut.
Pennwasexperienced.Hecouldn’thidethatfactwiththewayheattackedmymouthandbodywith

confidencebornofexpertise.

Ifhe’dnoticedIwasafollowerinthisandnolongertheleaderI’dbeengroomedtobe,hedidn’tcare

ormentionit.Ijusthopedhe’dtakechargeoftheprotectionissue,andifheenteredmetoofast,thenI

wouldsaysomethingbutnotbefore.

Iclutchedathisblacktop,needingitoff.Needingskinonskin.
Helistened,tearinghismouthawaytoreachoverhisheadandpullthesecondtolastpieceof

clothingoff.

Myhandsflewupoftheirownaccord.Itracedhisabsanduptohischest.Hedidn’ttrytostopme

andtheluxury,theprivilegeoftouchinghimfilledmybloodwithheateddesire.

Stayingbracedononearmoverme,hisfingersloopedaroundmypantiesandpulledthemdown.My

handlatchedontotheotherside,keepingithigh,protectingmymodesty.Ididn’tknowwhy,butsudden
shynessattackedme.

Hegrittedhisteeth.“Letgo.”
Ibitmylip,refusingsilently.
“Elle.”Hisgrowlslicedthroughmyunwillingness.
Closingmyeyesbriefly,Iletgoandallowedhimtodragthelacedownmylegs.Heslippedthemoff

myanklesandtossedthemoverhisshoulder.Clampingapowerfulhandonmyinnerthigh,hespreadmy
legs.“Sofuckingbeautiful.”

Itrembledashisstrokedupward,runninghisfingertipsalongmywetness.“Christ,Elle.”
Mymouthopenedashepressedafingerslowlyinsideme.
Mybreastsached,andIreachedbehindmetoundotheconfinesofmybra.Hegrimacedwith

agonizingneedasIrevealedthefinalpartofme.Heswallowedhardasmybodywelcomedhisfinger,my
hipsrockingupwardtomeethim.

“Touchme,”hecommanded.Hisfingerhookedinsideme,draggingagaspthroughmylungs.Ireached

forwardblindly,unsurewhattodoandhowhardtograsp.

Hetippedforward,givingmeaccesstohisboxer-briefs.
Withanoutofcontrolheartbeat,Ipulledasidethetightcottonandinsertedmyhandintothewarm

depths.

Heshudderedasmyfingerslatchedaroundhim.
“Jesus.”HebowedasIsqueezedhard,unsureifsoftorviolentwashisundoing.
Icopiedthepressureheusedonme—notbeinggentle,notgivinghimtimetoadjusttobeingtouched.
Hisfingerspearedupward,pressingagainstthesensitivespotinsidethatturnedeverythingintoliquid

gold.GruntingalittleasIfistedhimdeeper,heinsertedanotherfinger.

Thestretch.Theburn.Hisfingernailscrapedalittleashedidn’tgivemetimetoadjust.
Imatchedhispunishmentwithmyown,diggingmynailsintohisshaft,pumpinghiminthesameway

hethrustintome.

“Goddammit.”Hisheadbowed,hislipswide.“Fuck,thatfeelsgood.”
Hisgreedycockleapedinmyhands,demandingmore.SomethinghotandstickycoatedmyfingersasI

swoopedoverthecrownandbackdownagain.

Hehookedhisfingerdeeper,causingmetowritheonthebed.Myvoiceeruptedonagasp.“Oh,

God.”

“Finally,youspeak.”
Ishivered,sinkingbackintomyselfashestrokedandteased.Wordsseemedamillionmilesawayin

therealmofconversationandhumanness.Iwassomewheredeepinsidewhereonlyfeelingandsensation
werepermitted.“Iwasn’tawareyouwantedmeto.”

“Iwanttoknowhowthisisforyou.”Hiseyesblazed.
“How?”
Histhumblandedonmyclit.“Doyoulikethis?Doyouneedmore?Less?Tellme.”
Iansweredbackwithasqueezeofhiscock.“Doyoulikethis?”

Hegroaned.“Doyoureallyneedtoask?”Hishipsthrustintomypalm.“I’mpracticallycomingall

overyourgoddamnfingers.”

Theconfessionsentlustanddesireandgiddy,giddyhappinessfizzinglikefireworks.
Mybodyslowlymelted,becomingmoreinviting,wetter,hotter.
Henoticed.
Adarkgleamenteredhisgaze.“Ihavenointentionoffingeringyouallnight,Elle.JustlikeIdon’t

expectyoutojerkmeoff.”Hisfingersstrokedmeruthlessly.“Iwanttofuckyou.Ineedtobeinsidethis.”
Hehookedhisgrip,pressingsomethingintimatelyhardwiredtoanexquisitebuttoninsidemybelly.

AnotherpressandIcould’veclimbedupwhateverpleasurehillIcurrentlytrampled,stridingcloser

towardthesummit.Buteachtimehepushedme,hepulledmebackalittle—makingmeoutofbreathand
desperateforthetopwhereIcouldfinallyrestandberewarded.

Hepulledaway,removinghistouch,makingmeempty.“Tellmenowifthat’sgoingtobeaproblem.”

Hefistedhimself,lookingbetweenmylegs.“Tellmeifyou’rehavingsecondthoughtsbecauseonceI’m
insideyou,Iwon’tbeabletostop.”

NowwasmyfinalchancetoadmitIwasn’tready.Thatthiswastoosoon.Toofast.Notdoneby

rationalwomen.

Butthewordsweren’tthere.
TheonlyonesIknewwere:“Iwantthis.Iwantyoutofuckme.”
Hiseyessnappedclosedashisstomachtightened.“Yourwishismycommand.”Shovingmythighs

wider,hepushedhisboxer-briefsdownhislegsandthrewthemtothefloor.Reachingforhisdiscarded
jeansonthebed,hepulledoutacondompacketandpassedittome.

“Itakeyou’renotonthepill.”
Itooktheslipperyfoil.“No.”
“Fine.”Hisjawgrittedashisgazelockedonmyshakinghands.“Putitonmethen.”
IhadnointentionoftellinghimI’dneverdonethisbefore.Rippingthepacket,Icarefullypulledout

theoddsmellinglatexandpinchedthetoplikeI’dbeenshowninsexeducationatschool.

Hedidn’tsayawordasIpositioneditoverhiscrownandrolleditdownhisveryimpressivelength.
Heshudderedasmyfingerswentfurtherthannecessaryandcuppedhisballs.Hiseyesflaredwide

beforeIpulledaway,unsureifIwasallowedtodothatornot.

Wedginghishipsbetweenmine,hesnarled,“Answermeonequestion.”
Iwasobsessedwiththesightofhissheathederectiononlyinchesawayfrommycore.
Hegrabbedmychin,forcingmetomeethiseyes.“Areyouavirgin?”
Istiffened.“How—howwouldyouknowthat?”
“Idon’tknowthat.That’swhyI’masking.”
Ilickedmylips.“I’m—”
Hewaitedwithangryeyes,thetipofhiscocknudgingagainstmyentrance.“Tellme,Elle.Otherwise,

thiswillbeverypainfulforyou.”Pushingforward,heenteredmejustalittle.

Thediscomfortburned,butinagoodway;buthehadsomuchmoretogo.Somanywaystoripme

apartifIwasn’thonestwithhim.

Idroppedmyeyes.“ThisisthefirsttimeI’vebeenwithaman.”
Hisforeheadfurrowed.HisfacereplayedamemoryIcouldn’tsee.Hishipspushedforwardagain,

inchbylazyinch.“I’llgoslow.”

Itensed.“Okay.”
Webreathedinthesameraggedrhythmasheslippedeversoslowlyintomybody.Whenhehitan

unbreakablebarrier,Iclenchedwithtrepidationandpain.

Hestopped.
Afewdazzlingdrumbeatsofmyheart,andIforcedmyselftorelaxalittle.

Hepresseddeeper.
Hisdominionwascollectedbutincomplete.TherewasnowhereIcouldlookwithouthimbeing

there.NoscentIcouldbreathewithoutitbeinghim.

Icouldn’tdoathingbutallowhimtopenetratemeineverysenseoftheword.
Anotherinchandastingbegan—anawfulburnthatbroughttearstomyeyes.Iturnedmyhead,doing

mybesttoburymyfaceorbitedownonfreshlylaunderedsheets.

“Hurts?”
Inodded,unabletolookathim.Iwasafailureatthis.
“ItoldyouI’dprotectyouevenwhenIwashurtingyou,remember?”Hegrunted,draggingmyeyesto

him.Heloomedovermelikeademonwithmusclesetchedinshadow,afacechiseledfromgranite.

Inodded.
“Well,then,thisisgoingtohurt.”TheflashoflustonhisfacedistractedmethenallIknewwaspain

andpleasureandpainandpleasureandpain,pain,pain.

Heimpaledmeswiftly,sharply.Nomorecreepingsoftly.Nomoreadjustingorseduction.
Hefuckedme.
Hetookme.
Heconsumedme.

ChapterTwenty-Two

“OPENYOUREYES,Elle.”

Icouldn’t,notwiththetearstricklingdownmycheeks.TearsIdidn’tevenunderstand.Iwasn’tcrying

becauseithurt—thepainhadalreadyfadedalittle.Iwasn’tevencryingbecauseI’dgiventhismanwhoI
didn’tknowthefinalpieceofmethatnooneelsehadearned.

Icriedbecauseinhisstrangearms,withhisdeliciousbodyinsidemine,Ifoundasmidgenofthat

freedomI’dtriedsolongtofind.

“Openyoureyes,”heorderedagain,rockingintome.
Iobeyed,drinkinghimin,noticingthesmallbeadsofsweatonhisbrowandthewildnessonhisface.
Ishiftedbeneathhim,myhipsadjustingtofithis.Mytearsdriedlikesalttracks.“You’rehuge.”
“You’retight.”
“Itfeels...nice,though.”
“Nice?”Hehalf-smiled,fightingbackthequickflashesofdarknesshekepthidden.“Justnice?”He

pressedintome.“Nootherdescription?Nobetterwordformefuckingyou?”

“Sore?”
Hescowled.“Iwasthinkingofanother.”
“Hard?Full?Desperate?”
Hisfaceeclipsedwithshadows.“Desperate?”Hisvoiceswitchedtoraggedbreath.“Desperatefor

what?This?”Hearchedintome,hisbackbowing,hishipsdrivingintominewithpowerandprecision.

Mynecktensed,myskulldiggingintothebedasmyshoulderbladescameoffthemattress.Awaveof

painandacrashofpleasure.ItseemedIcouldn’tenjoyonewithoutenduringtheother.

ButI’dneverexperiencedanythinglikeit.
Iwantedmore.
Somuchmore.
ButI’dhavetowaitbecauseblisslikethismeanthemust’vecome,andI’dreadmencouldn’thave

multipleorgasmslikewomen.

Youhaven’tcomeyet.
Itdidn’tbotherme.Tonighthadbeenasimpletasktolosemyinnocence.Itridmeofthatminor

complication,andthenexttime(iftherewereanexttime),therewouldbenopain,onlypleasure.

Myhipsmoved,kissingthetopofmymoundtohislowerbelly.Athankyou.Arequest.Abitofboth.
Helickedhislips,self-controletchinghisface.“Youwanttocontinue?”
“There’smore?”Mylipspartedaseagernesswashedthroughme.“Youdidn’t...finish?”
Hechuckled;itshookhisbodyinsidemine.“Iwon’ttakeoffensetothat.ButifyouhonestlythinkI’d

justenteryouandbesatisfied,youneedsomeseriouslessonsonhowIfuck.”

Helookeddownatwherewejoined,encouragingmetowatch,too.Hepulledbackalittlebefore

pushingforward.Thepainmorphedtopleasure,warmingandmeltingwithafineveilofsharpness.

Embracingthefirefeedingonthelustinsideme,Iplacedmyhandsonthetopofhisasswherehis

backclenchedbeneathmyfingers.“More.”

Heplantedhisfistsintothesheetsbymyhead.“Fine.”Heslippedfromslowtoserious,drivinginto

me.

Mycoreclenchedaroundhim.Atwingeofdiscomforttriedtostealmeaway.

Screwthepain.
Iwantedthis.
Allofit.
Hegroanedlongandlow,hishipsthrustupward,hittingsomepartofmethatshatteredintostardust.

Hishipsjack-knifedintomine,asdeepandascloseashecouldgo.Heletgo.Hedroveagain.

Thrust.Thrust.Thrust.
Whateverplaceorgasmslivedsuddenlyswarmedalivelikeahivewithitsferociousqueen.The

buzzingflewfrommytoestomykneestomyspine,frommyfingerstomyarmstomytongue.

Everythingignited,andIjumped.
IjumpedfromthetowerofBelleElle.Iforgotaboutmycareer,myrules,myboundaries.
Ideletedmyself.
ImetPennintheblackdebasementandspokecrudeconsonantsandtasteddirtyvowels.“Iwantyou

tofuckme.Iwantyoutomakemescream.”Idugmyfingernailsintohisass,jerkinghimtome.“Giveme
whatIwant.”Ibowedoffthebed,capturinghismouthwithmine,takingcontrolallwhilesubmittingthe
remainingpowerIhad.“Fuckme...please.”

Ishould’vepreparedfortheunleashing.
Ishould’veexpectedwhatwouldhappenwithsuchaninvitation.
Butitstilltookmebysurprise.Stillthrilledandterrifiedandteased.
“Youfuckingaskedforit.”Hissmilewaspurecriminalashisstomachtightened,andhedroveinto

mesohard,sofast,hishipsbruisedmyinnerthighs.Hismouthlatchedontomine,ourteethclacking,our
tonguesknotting,everylastmasqueradeatbeingcivilized...gone.

Hedidn’tjusttakemeuponmyoffer.
Hedoubledmystakesandwentforeverythinghecouldclaim.
Hefuckedme.
No,thatwaswoefullyunjust.
Hebrokeme,fixedme,splitme.
Hisbodyslammedagainandagainandagainintome.Hiscockslidinginheatandwetness,dragging

morefromme.Theorgasmbuzzincreased,consumingeverything.

Hisstaminamademylegsjelly.Everyfeminineatomburstwithbliss.Myhipstriedtomeethis,but

hispacekeptmepinnedtothebed.Witharaggedbreath,heslappedahandovermyheart,pressingmy
lungs,preventingmefromgasping,countingmychargingheartbeats.

Myskinburnedwithsweat,turninghisgripslippery.Hisfingersslidoffme,slammingintothe

mattress.Hisarmbuckled,wedginghisentireweightonme.Hishipsthrustasifhehadnopowerover
hisbodyanymore.Asifallhewas,allhewasmeanttodo,waspossessmeuntilIpossessedhiminsome
karmictwistoffate.

Igaspedandpantedandgulpedassexturnedtothemostbasicofcoupling.
Heburiedhisfaceintothesheets,hisbacksuddenlygoingramrodstraight,hiscockpulsinginside

me.

Ifroze,notknowingwhattodo.
IknewexactlywhatIwantedtodo.
Myfingersturnedgentle,caressinghisspine.ThemomentItouchedhissweat-mistedback,hereared

up,baringhisteeth.“Don’t.I’mjust—”Hisjawworked.“I’msofuckingclose.”

“Don’tstop.”
Hisfacescrunchedupwithsexualagony.“Idon’twanttofinishyet.Ihaven’thadenoughofyou.”
Mycheekspinkedevenastriumphblewtrumpetsinmybelly.“Oh.”
Hebentandkissedme,unapologeticwithlustandhisdesiretocome.Hiseyesremainedclosed,

barringmefromreadinghimortryingtoguessifthisphysicalactmeantmoretohimthanmutualrelease.

Icouldn’tfigurehimout,andIdesperatelyneededtoifIwasgoingtosurvivewhateverhe’ddoneto

me.

Becausehehaddonesomethingtome.
He’dawakenedme,andIcouldnevergobacktosleep.
“Fuck,youfeeltoogood.”Withaferalgrunt,hepulledaway,withdrawing,andleavingmeempty.

Slidingdownmybody,hislegsfelloffthebed,hiskneesthuddingagainstthefloor.

BeforeIcouldaskwhatwaswrong,hishandslandedonmyinnerthighsandpushedmylegsapart.

Hismouth—thesameonethat’dbeenkissingme—landedonmycore,histonguepulsinginsidemewitha
differentkindofwetness,amoreintimatekindofheat.

Ibowedoffthebed,clutchingthesheetsinshock.“Oh,myGod.”
Hebitmyclitwithcarefulteeth.“You’resore,andIneedtofuckyouhard.Idoubtyou’llfinda

releasewithme.So...you’regoingtohaveonenow.”

Thesheetsdidn’tprovideenoughtractiontogriponto.Igrabbedhishairinstead.
Hecursedsomethingdeepanddark.Hisvoicetwistedmystomachintobowties.Histongueentered

meagain.Itwasn’tenoughafterthedeeppenetrationofhiscock;theshallowclaimingleftmestraining
formore.

Butthenhishandsjoinedintoo,pinchingmyclitashisfingersranbeneathhistonguetopressinside

me,grantinggirthanddexterity,pushingmeupthecliffofanorgasmI’dbathedinsinceheturnedmefrom
puretodeviant.

Justlikeinmyoffice,hedidn’tmessaround.
Hewantedmetocome.
Iwouldcome.
Mylegstriedtoclosearoundhishead,butheslammedahandontomythigh,spreadinghissalivaand

myarousal.Grabbingmywrists,hekeptthenpinnedonmybellywhilehistongueworkedmeharder.

Theorgasmhadcolorslikeadarkrainbow—allblacksandgraysandredsandoranges.Ifeltit

gather.Isawitswirl.Andwhenitdescendedfrommybonesandligamentstogatherinmywomb,it
glitteredlikesomemagicalmaliciousforce.

Histonguewasthewandthatspentthatmagic,draggingitfromme,forcingittoexplodeinbody-

cripplingwaves.

“Oh,God.Oh,God.Oh,God.”Iclimbedthebed,him,theworld.Iwentblind,deaf,mute.
Idrownedineverycrest.
Ihadn’tfinishedcomingwhenheclimbedmybody,hookedmylegoverhiship,andslammedback

insideme.

“Yes!”Itwasascream.Ihadnoshame.Iscreamedagainashedrovebrutallyfastanddeep.“Yes.

Oh,God,yes.”

Thepain...wasnomore.
Thepleasure...wastoomuch.
Thick,hot,welcomeandanundeniableprimitiveneedtofeelhimalltheway,deeper,deeper,harder,

harder.

Histongueslidovermyneck,histeethsettlingovermyarterylikeawolfmountingitsmate.
Ikissedhisshoulder,revelinginthesaltiness,therawnessofhowtwonakedpeoplecouldbe.
Myfingernailslandedoneithersideofhisspine,digginghard.
“Harder,”heorderedwithacommandingbite.Histonekissedthedregsofmyorgasm,rekindlingit,

fanningit,transformingembersintoflames.

Thesorenessturnedtoalusciouspullingashedrovefaster.
“Fuck,takeit.Fuckingtakeit.”Herearedoverme,hiselbowslocked,hisfingerstangledinmyhair,

keepingmyheadimprisonedandeyespinnedonhis.

Thebedcreakedasheworkedbothofusintoaslickmessofsweatandpleasure.
Icouldn’tlookaway,andinhisbrowngaze,Ifoundsomethingunbearablycarnal,sounfilteredand

truthfulthatmycoretightened,beggingforanotherrelease.

Hislipssmashedagainstmine,cuttingmeofffromhisthoughts.Ilostmymindandgaveintothetime-

honoredinstincttorockwithhim,toaccepthiscontrol,andallowhimtofeedanddenymeeveryhunger
hesummoned.

“Fuck,youfeelgood.Iknewyouwould.”Hehitmeatananglethatsenttheworldfracturingwith

blackspots.Hisexpertclaimingsentanotherspindleofneedtojointhosehungryflames.

Iwassoreandlooseandwetanddelirious,andIdidn’tthinkIcouldcomeagain.Buthehadapower

overmeIcouldn’tignore.

Asmallermoretentativereleasefoundme,ecstasyradiatingintomyfingertipsasItrembledand

gatheredbeneathhim.

Myeyesremainedopenasthebandsofmusclecontractedalmostsecretly,tiptoeingthroughmybody

asifunpermitted.

Icamesoftly,deliciously,wantonly.
Hiseyeswidened.“Youcame?”
Iswallowedasafinalclenchleftmeboneless,lost,andentirelydruggedwithendorphins.
“Fuck,youcame.Youfuckingcamewithmeinsideyou.”Hisgazepossessedme,andhelostit.

Positioninghimselfhigheroverme,hegrabbedmywristsandslammedthemovermyhead.

Andthen,hefuckedme.
“Shit,shit...shit.”Hisvoicescrambledwithbreath.Insideme,hegrewthicker,heavier,harder,hitting

thetopofmewitheverypound.

Hewaswild,unleashed;hiscontrolandliesundone.
Hisface,normallysohandsomeandregal,splinteredintoabrokenveneerasheletgo.
“Fuck!”Ananimalisticroarfellfromhislips,hisorgasmtearinguphisbackandintome.
Ilethimdowhatheneeded.
Idrankinhisvulnerabilityandrelishedinthefactheletmeseehimthewaynotmanypeoplewould.
Heshattered.
Heshivered.
Heshudderedasthelastwavewrunghimdry.
Onlyoncelongmomentshaddisappeared,andwe’dreturnedfromwhateverstratospherehe’d

catapultedusto,didhisfingersunlockfrommywristsandtraildownmyarmtocupmycheek.

WitheyessoftandnolongerangryaboutthingsIcouldn’tunderstand,hekissedme.
Thiskisswasdifferent.
Itwasn’taclaimingorathankyou.
Itwasastrippingback;apeelingofthemaskswewore.
Anacknowledgmentthatwe’dstartedsomethingthat,unfortunately,wouldn’thaveahappyending.

ChapterTwenty-Three

THELARGECLOCKhanginginPenn’skitchensaidI’donlybeenathisplaceonehourandthirty-two
minutes,yetthewholeworldhadchanged.

Eithertimespedupwithoutme,orweshotintothefuturewhereeverythingwasdifferent.
WhereIwasdifferent.Mybodywasdifferent.Myentireoutlookaltered.
Iranmyhandsdownmybuttonedblazerforthetenthtime,smoothingmyskirt.Itriedtoignoremy

tangledhairthatneededadeepconditionandanhourwithabrush,andpretendedIwasn’tbarebeneath
myclothing.

Oncewe’dfinishedandPennwithdrewfromme,we’ddressedsilentlyandreconvenedinthekitchen.

Istuffedmylingerieintotheblackbagfullofsextoys,intendingtotakebothhome.However,Penn
grabbedthehandlesandplacedtheparcelonacupboardonthewayoutofhisbedroom.

Hedidn’tsayathing.
Hisbodylanguagealonesaidallofthoseitemswerestayinghere—whetherIlikeditornot.
HemovedbarefootwhileIclippedinheels.Heduckedaroundthelargeislandandgrabbedtwo

glassesfromafrosted-glasscupboard.Fillingthembothwithwaterfromacarafeinthefridge,hepassed
onetome,watchingmeovertherimashedrank.

He’dslippedintolightcoloredjeansandablackt-shirt,lookingeverybitthebadboyIshouldnever

introducetomyfather,letalonegoalongwithhisliesthatwewereengaged.

Nervesmultipliedwithtinylegs,racingovermyshouldersthelongerwestaredinsilenceanddrank.

IwantedtocallDavidtocollectme.ThelongerIstoodinPenn’spresence,themorehewithdrewtothe
pointthatanywarmththat’dexistedbetweenushowledwithfrost.

Ishiftedonthespot,placingmyhalf-drunkglassofwateronthecounter.“Iguess—IguessI’llgo

homenow.”

Heraisedaneyebrowandfinishedhiswater.Wipinghislipswiththebackofhishand,henodded.

“Goodidea.”

Itriedtohidemywince,butIwasn’tsuccessful.Ididn’tknowwhyhe’dshutmeout—thenagain,he

hadn’tletmein.He’dinvadedmybody,butthatdidn’tgivemeareturnpasstorummagearoundinhis
soul.

TheideaofcallingDavidandwaitingforhiminsidePenn’sapartmentwasn’tappealing.ThesoonerI

wasawayfromtheharshintensitywheresplintersofwhateverweweren’tsayingstabbedme,thebetter.

Huggingmyself—makingsuremybrokenblousewastuckedtightlyintomyskirttopreventgaping

openandmyblazerwasbuttonedtight—Inoddedasifwe’dconcludedbusinessandthemeetingwas
over.

Realistically,thiswasabusinesscontract.Hedidn’tlikeme.Ididn’tlikehim.Butthesexhadbeen

incredible.Ihadnothingtocompareitto,butifIhadtodoitalloveragainandletPennrelievemeofmy
virginity,Iwould.

MovingtowardthedoorhighlightedhowsoreIwas.Thetendernessofmyinnerthighs,theachiness

ofmycore.Theheavypullingmademewanttositdown,notwalkdownflightsofstairsandwaitona
coldstreetformydriver.

ButIwasn’twelcomeanymore.
Penn’sglaresaidasmuch.

Heliedaboutusbeingengaged,yetcouldn’tlieabouthowmuchheneededmegone.
Istoppedbytheexit,keepingmybackstiff.“Well,goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”He’descortedmetothedoorasifnottrustingmetoleaveonmyown.Reachingaround

me,heunlockedthedoorandopenedit.HepursedhislipsasIsteppedoverthethreshold.Hedidn’t
smileorofferawordofkindnessorevencondolences.

Itfeltlikeabreak-upeventhoughwewerenevertogether.
Ishrugged,fightingtheurgetofidget.“Um,thankyou.I...enjoyedthat.”
Aslightsmilewarredwithanimpenetrableglare.“Metoo.”
Nothingelse.
Nohug.Orpromisetodoitagainsoon.Justtwolittlewordsthatputafullstop—no,anentirepage

break—betweenwhat’dhappenedinhisbedroomandnow.

Questionswhisperedinmyear.Doyouwanttoseemeagain?Whydidyoukeepmylingerieandsex

toys?DidIfeelasgoodtoyouasyoudidtome?

Isilencedeachandeveryone.
Turningmyspinetosteel,Iraisedmychinandwalkedaway.

*****

Myphonewasdead.

Ofcourse,itwas.
Tonighthadgonefromblissfultofullofheartache,andIonlyhadmyselftoblame.Standingoutside

Penn’sbuilding,Itooknoteofhowfarmyapartmentwas.Ifigureditwaswalkingdistancebutdidn’t
knowhowlongitwouldtake.Andinheels,afteranincrediblylongday,andextremelypassionatesex,my
bodywasnotinthemoodtohikethroughthecity.

Anothernightslippedoverthisone.AnightwhereI’dwillinglysteppedfromtheconfinesofmy

companyandexploredwithoutaphoneorback-upplan.Namelesshadfoundme,savedme,andrelieved
meofsomesmallpartofmyinnocence.Tonight,Pennhadclaimedme,corruptedme,andstolentherest.

Bothnightshadleftmewithsadnessandunease.
Ishiveredasagustblewdownthestreet,encouragingmetowalkandponderratherthanstandlikean

idiotkickedoutofPenn’shome.

Puttingonefootinfrontoftheother,Ididn’tletthetickleofrejectionclimbupmyspineandsquaton

myshoulders.Ikeptfocusedandcool—nothingmorethanaCEOoutforamidnightstrollwithatorn
blouseandsorenessbetweenherlegs.

Ratherthantrampallthewayhome(andgetlostintheprocess),I’dwalktowardthebusiersideof

townandhailacab.Iwould’vegivenawayasmallfortuneformyphonetoworksoIcouldcallDavid.
Afewyearsago,Ihatedbeingsurroundedbystaffandnothavinganyfreedom.Now,Iappreciatedhaving
peopleItrusted.Itmademylifestream-line,notthismessyunknownIcurrentlylivedin.

Catchingacabhadn’tworkedwellformelasttime.Ihadanawfulfeelingsomethingterriblewould

happenagain.MainlybecausethesimilaritiesaboutthatnightwithNamelessandtonightwithPenn
couldn’tbeignored.

IletmyselfthinkfreelyaboutNameless—withoutfrustrationtowardmyfatherorguilt.Torecallthe

easeinhiscompanyeventhoughwehadjustmet.ThetrusthedemandedeventhoughIknewnothing
abouthim.IfeltsafewithNameless,despitetheoverwhelmingteenageattractionscramblingmyinsides.
WithPenn,Iwasterrifiedformywell-beingandpersonalrelationshipsashebowledthroughthemwith
falsehoods.

Myfatherdidn’tunderstandthat,insomeawfulway,I’ddoomedmyselfthatnight.I’dtakenan

adventurefullofdangerandkissesandmadeitfartooidealistic.IputNamelessonapedestalandfigured

ifIcouldn’thavehim,Ididn’twantanyone—effectivelyblindingmyselftootherprospects—othermen
whoIhadnodoubtwouldbejustasspecialandprobablymuchbettersuitedforme.

JustbecauseIdon’tlikeGregdoesn’tmeanIwon’tlikeeverymaleintheworld.
Andbesides,Iwasstillsoyoung.Dadforgotmyagemostofthetime.Hesawmeasthepillarofhis

companyandhishappiness.BecauseIdidn’thaveafamilyofmyownyet,hebelievedhe’dfailed.

Marryingmeoffwasn’taboutmebuthim.
Whydidn’tIseeitbefore?
Islammedtoastop.
Dadwasagoodparent,butwhenitcametohavingeverythingneatandorganized,heoverlookedmy

age,wants,andwhoIwasasanindividual.Sowhatifhewantedmetobepartneredoff?

Ididn’t.Notyet,atleast.
Itwastimetotellhimnottomeddleinmylifeanymoreandformetostopusinghisheartattackasan

excusetobowtohiseverycommand.

Noddinginresolution,Istrodeoffagainwithrenewedvigor.Theachebetweenmylegsthrobbed,

makingithardtoconcentrate,butforthefirsttimeinyears,Ifeltcalmer.LikeI’dtakencontrolofmy
futureinsomesmallway.

I’dsleptwithPennonmyownterms.Ithadn’tendedasnicelyasI’dhoped,butI’dusedhimand

enjoyedit.I’dexpandedBelleEllewithalineofadulttoys.Itwasriskyandtantalizing,butI’dmadethat
decision.

Iwasinchargeofallthings.
Icandothis.
Icanbehonestwithmyselfandhim.
Steppingoffthesidewalk,Icrossedthedesertedstreet,headingtowardtheglowofthebusiness

districtahead.

Unfortunately,NewYorkwasbipolarwhenitcametoawomanwalkingonherown.Onemoment,it

couldbethemostwelcominghostwithitstidystreetsandbeckoningstreetlights,andthenext,itcould
switchintoatwo-facedjokerwithpilesofrubbishandalonehoodedmanpatrollingtowardmebeneath
aburnedstreetlight,lettingdarknessswallowitwhole.

Islammedtoastop.Myheartleftitsnormalhomeinmyribstosplitintotwoanddropintomylegs.
Inanordinarysituation,onabrightsunnyday,havingafacelessstrangerprowltowardmewouldn’t

beanissue—mainlybecauseI’dhaveDavidthere.Butinthissituation?Itbotheredme.Alot.

Lookingbehindme,mybraincameupwithanddiscountedideasasquicklyastheycame.
Run.
Hide.
Walkforward.
ReturntoPenn’s.
He’sprobablyharmless.
You’rereadingintothings.
Regardlessofthetruth,noneofmyscatteredthoughtswereoptionsbecausethehoodedfigurelooked

up,revealingtheblackvoidwherehisfaceshouldbe.Thedistancebetweenusvanishedstepbystep.I
crossedthestreetagain,hopingIwasjustinhiswayandnothistarget.

Themomentmyfeettouchedtheotherside,themancopiedme.
Shit.
Thecrunchofhisdirtysneakersechoedinmyearsashecametoastandstillafewfeetahead.His

fistshungbyhisside,hislonglegsencasedinblackjeanswhilethedarkgrayhoodiewascoveredinred
stainsthatIhopedwerefromketchupandnotothersinistergoo.

Istoppedbreathing.

Wasthistheworld’scrueljoke?ThatIcouldn’tbesafeonmyownatall?ThatthetwotimesI’dbeen

withoutmydad,David,oranotherman,Iwasvictimtoanyonewhowantedtopreyonme?

WastheearthsexistandteachingmeIneededamantosurvive?
Angerscaldedawaymyfear.“Whatdoyouwant?”
Themanchuckled.“Money.”
“Idon’thaveany.Ileftmypursewithmydriver.”
Shit,shouldn’thavesaiddriver.
Helickedhislips—theonlythingvisiblebeneaththecapeofthehoodie.“Ah,you’reoneofthose.”
“Oneofwhat?”
“Richbitches.”Hecamecloser,reekingofunwashedbodyanddirt.“Gimmeyourmoney,andnoone

getshurt.”

Threeyearsago,Iwould’vescreamedforhelpandbolted.
Now,Iwashandicappedinheelsandachingfromsex.Iwasolder.I’dbattledmorewarswithmenin

thecorporateworld.Ifhewantedmoney,fine.Iwouldarguethatheshouldgoandearnsomeratherthan
stealfrominnocentpedestrians.

“Goaway.I’mnotinterested.”
“Notinterested?”Hecockedhishead.“Whatpartof‘gimmeyourmoney’soundslikeanegotiation?”
Icrossedmyarms,hopinghewouldn’tseemytornblousebeneath.“Doesn’tmatter.I’mnotgiving

youany.”

“Yes,youfuckingare.”Hisfistsclenched.“Now.”
“I’mnotlying.Ihavenomoney.”
Hetookanotherstep,forcingmetotakeoneback.
Hislipsturnedupinavindictivesmirk.“Jewelrythen.”Trailinghiseyesoverme,henoticedmy

crystalearrings.“Those.Gimme.”

Withouthesitation,Ipulledthemfrommylobesandhandedthemover.Iworenothingelse.No

braceletsorrings.TheonlynecklaceI’dlovedwasmysapphirestarthat’dbeenstolenfrommeinsuch
similarcircumstances.

“Andthefuckingrest.”Hepalmedmythirty-dollarearringsI’dsampledfromtheBelleEllecostume

jewelryrackasiftheyweretheHopediamond.

Isplayedmyhands,cursingmyshaking.“Itoldyou.Idon’thaveanythingelse.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’mtellingthetruth.”
Headvancedagain.Thistime,Iheldmygroundeventhoughmyheartonceagaingrabbeditsrape

whistlereadytoblow.

“HowaboutIsearchyou?Makesureyou’renotlying?”
Igrittedmyteeth.“Touchme,andyoudie.”
Helaughed;itbouncedoffthebuildingsstandingaswitnessestoourstandoff.“Sure,bitch.Whatyou

gonnado?Stabmewithyourshoe?”

Ilookeddownatmypatentsilverpumps—theflashofblingtomatchmyearrings.“Thanksforthe

idea.”

Kickingoneoff,Iquicklyscoopeditupandbrandishedthemetallicspikyheel.“You’vetakenwhatI

have.Now,getlost.”

Pushingbackhishood,hebaredhisteeth.Hewasn’tugly,andhewasn’thandsome.Hewasjusta

thief,hungryanddoingbadthings.“Idon’tthinkso,richbitch.”

Nothingabouthimwasfamiliar,buthewasalonelymaninahoodielateatnight.
Mycuriositywouldn’tforgivemeifIdidn’tconfirmforsure.

MytummyclenchedasIwentagainstsurvivalandleanedin.Isearchedhisface.Igaveintothe

consumingquestionthat’dpoppedintomyheadthemomenthe’dappeared.

Isithim?
WasitNameless?
Buthopeturnedtodust.
Itisn’thim.
Thismanwasolder—pushingpastthirty.Histeethwereblack,hisskinsallow,hishairlankand

thinning.HewasskinnyandaboutNameless’sheight,butunlesshewasareallyrough-lookingolder
brother,myhomelesssaviorwasn’there.

Hechargedforward,grabbingmybreastwithrancidfingers.“Can’tpayme,thenImightaswellhurt

you.”

“Getyourfuckinghandsoffme!”Istumbledback,swingingmyshoe,doingmybesttoconnect.
Heducked,grabbingme.
Istruck.
Viciousvictorywarmedmeasthesharpheelgrazedhistemple.
“Fuck!”Herearedback,holdingthesideofhisface.
ThatwasallIneeded.
Kickingoffmyothershoe,Iturnedandtransformedintosomethingthatcouldflee.Arabbit,agazelle,

ahorse,abird.

Ipushedeveryounceofpowerintomylegsandstruckoffbarefoot.
Ididn’tfocusonthepebbleshurtingmysoles.Ididn’tscreamasIstoodonapieceofbrokenbeer

bottle.Ididn’tcryasmyinsideshowledfrombeingusedandnowforcedtogallop.

Ijustfocusedonfreedom.Likeeverydayofmylife.
“Comebackhere,youbitch.Youoweme!”Thefootfallsofmyassailantgavechase,drivingmeto

grabeveryairmolecule,transformeverydregofenergy,andturnitintorocketfuelaspropulsion.

Icareenedaroundthecorner,spyingPenn’sbuilding.
Sofar.
I’llmakeit.
Iskiddedonanoldnewspaperbutdidn’tslowdown.
Thethiefcursedandgrumbled,keepingpacewithme,slowlycatchingup.
Headlightsappearedinthedistance,brightandglowing,warmandwelcoming.
Iflewoffthesidewalk,directlyintothecar’spath.
Insteadofslowingdowntohelp,thevehiclespedupasiftorunmeoveranddelivermycorpsetothe

mancurrentlywantingtohurtme.

Iwavedmyarms.“Stop.Help!”
Thedarknessinthecarshowedasingledriver,theirhandsclenchingthewheel.Hedrovedirectlyfor

me.Ihadasplitsecondtodecidewhattodo—wheretorunbeforehestruck.

Butthecollisionneverhappened.
Thedriverwrenchedthesteeringanddroveoverthecurb,slammingtoastop.
Theenginescreamedasthefrontdoorflungopenandamanleapedfromtheinterior.“Getinthe

fuckingcar.”Hepointedatme.“Now!”

Ittookasecondtoregister.
Myearsknewthatvoice.
Mybodyknewthatbody.
I’dneverbeensothankfultoseesomeone.Evenifhe’dthrownmefromhishouse.Evenifhehurtme

inwaysIwouldn’tadmit.

Pennthrewhimselfoverthehoodasthemanchasingmeskiddedtoastandstillonlyanarm’slength

fromgrabbingme.

Ipressedagainstthecar,mymouthgulpingair.Myfeetburningfromsprintingonconcreteanddebris.
ThenmypainwasnomoreasPennlaunchedhimselfattheman.“Youmotherfucker.”
Together,theywentdown.
Pennlandedontopofhimanddidn’tgivegravitythejoyofcrunchinghimintothepavementbefore

hisfistsrainedonhisface.

Hedidn’tspeak.Justbeathim.
Therobberdidhisbesttocoverhisfacewithhisarms,curlingup,tryingtopushPennoff.Buthe

didn’tstandachance.

Icountedone,two,three,four,fivefiststothejawbeforePenneffortlesslypushedofffromtheman’s

chestandstoodoverhim.

Hecrackedhisknucklesasifhe’djustwashedhishandsnotdousedtheminsomecriminal’sblood.

“Robagain.Trytorapeagain.Andyou’refuckingdead.”Withablackshoe,hekickedthemaninthe
ribcage.“Gotit?”

Theguylookedup,blinkingthrougharivuletofblood.Forasecond,hiseyeswereblank,fullofhate

andrebellion.ThentheyfocusedonPenn’sface.Onthewayhestoodsoregalandcalm,demanding
utmostobedience.Recognitionpoppedinvibrantcolor,andtherobberswayedtohisfeet,wrappingan
armaroundhiskickedchest,andholdinghisheadwiththeother.“Shit,it’syou.”

What?
Ifroze,desperatetoknowwhathemeant.
Pennstiffened.“Leave.Tonightisyourluckynight.”
Themannodded,droppinghiseyes,forgettingIevenexisted.Turninginhisfilthysneakers,hetook

offatastumblingjog.

Heranawaywithmyearrings,justlikethemeninthealleyranawaywithmysapphirestar.
I’dbeensavedagain,butthistime...allIfeltwasterrornotdesire.

ChapterTwenty-Four

“GETINTHEfuckingcar,Elle.”Penn’svoiceremainedlowandhushedbutrangwithsteelyauthority.

Heknewhim.
HeknewPenn.
How?Why?Whatdoesitmean?
Iblindlygrabbedthedoorhandleandcrackeditopen.Numb,Islidintothepassengerseatashe

strollednonchalantlytothedriver’ssideandclimbedin.

Afewsecondspassedafterthedoorsslammedshut,cocooningusinheavy,oppressivesilence.His

bloodyknucklesclenchedthesteeringwheelasifhecouldthrottleit.

Mythroathadpermanentlyclosedwithfearandquestions.So,somanyquestions.
HowdidthatmanknowPenn?
WhowasPenn?
Andwhy...justwhy...didhebeatupthatmanwiththesameeffortlessgraceasthemaninthealleythat

fatefulnight?

Pennreachedacrossthegearstick,placinghishandonmythigh.
Iflinched,yankingmylegstotheside.
Hisfingersdugintomymuscle,keepingwithme.Hebreathedhard,squeezedme,andthenletmego.

Pressingtheclutch,heslidthestillrumblingengineintogearanddroveoffthecurbandbackontothe
road.

Thebumpjostledus,butwedidn’tspeak.
Idaren’t.
Ididn’tknowwhattothink.
Partofmewantedtoover-analyzeeverything;toreplaythewayhedisciplinedthatguyandtryto

connectdotsthatweren’tthere.Myimaginationworkedover-time,doingitsbesttobelievethatperhapsI
knewNameless’identityallalong.Thatmaybe,justmaybe,he’dbeentheonetofindmeafterallthese
yearsandnotmefailingtofindhim.

Butoneawfulflawsatlikeatoadinthatperfectfantasy.Penndidn’thaveagentleboneinhisbody

likeNameless.Namelesswascoolandpricklybutbeneaththatarmorhadbeenkindness—sweet
wrappedupindaggers.

Pennwasjusttheblade,shinyandimpenetrable,onedimensionalwithrefractingsurfacestodistort

mytrueperception.

TheonlyproblemwasIcouldn’tdistinguishonepunchfromanother.Iwasseeingthings—making

thingsup—tryingtolinktwoveryseparateincidentsintoone.

Todowhat?
FindmeaninginwhyIsleptwithPenn?
ValidationthatIwasn’tsomeromance-brokengirl,afterall?
“Ioweyouanapology.”Hisvoicebarelyregisteredoverthehumofthetiresontheroad.
Itensed,staringoutthewindow.“Ioweyouthanks.”
Hisheadsnappedleftandrightindenial.“No.Ikickedyouout.Ithoughtyourdriverwouldcollect

you,butthenyouwalkedoff.”

“Youwerewatchingme?”

Hedidn’treply.“Youalmostgothurt.”
“ButIdidn’t.”
“Ifyouhad...fuck!”Hepunchedthesteeringwheel,makingthehornblare,shatteringthesleepinmany

apartments.“Iwould’vefuckingkilledhim.”

“Iwouldn’thaveaskedyouto.”
Heglowered.“Iwouldn’thavedoneitforyou.”
“Soyouwould’vetakenalifepurelybecauseyouwantedtoandnottosomehowavengeme?”
“Iwould’vekilledhimbecausehetouchedwhatwasn’thistotouch.”
Myheartbeatwild.“Soyouprotectedme,notbecauseIsharedyourbedandgaveupasignificant

partofme,butbecauseinyourtwistedideals,I’mapossessionthatonlyyoucantouch?”

Hisjawworkedashedrovefastthroughresidentialstreets.“Yes.”
“Notbecauseyoufeelanythingforme?”
“No.”
“Anythingatall.”
“Nothing.”
“Butthesexwasgood.”
“Yes.”
“Doyouwanttoseemeagain?”IhatedthatIhadtoask;thatIcaredabouttheanswer.He’dturned

intoabastardwhoterrifiedme.He’dhurtthatthiefwithsuchease.

Butwithhimemotionallywithdrawnandicy,ithelpedremindmewhatwehadwaspurelyphysical.I

didn’tlikehim.Notintheslightest.Ididn’tevenfeelsomeresemblanceofgratitude-inducedaffection
fromhimrescuingme.Heturnedeverythingthatcouldbegoodandexcitingintobadandunwanted.

ButI’dtastedwhatsexcouldbelike.AndIwantedmore.Iwantedtobeselfishforme.So,fornow,

I’daccepthisassholepersonaandignoremyquestions.

“Idon’tknow.”Hisconfessionwasn’twhatIexpected.
“Youdon’tknowifyouwanttosleepwithmeagain?”
Hehalf-smirked.“Wedidn’tsleeptogether,Elle.Wefucked.”
“Thanksfortheclarification.”Ihuffed,crossingmyarms.“Forgiveme;doyouwanttofuckme

again?”

Hisfingerslatchedtighteraroundthewheel,theleathercreaking.Foramoment,hisheadshookwitha

silentno.Thenacockysmirkstolethetruthwithyetanotherlie.“Yes,Iwanttofuckyouagain.”

Whythehesitation?
Whysayweareengagedifheonlyintendedtosleepwithmeonce?
Whythecoldshoulderandstrictboundaries?
Why,why,why?
“Good.”Isatprim,revelinghowtheacheinmywombturnedliquidagain.“Metoo.”Testingmy

innocentmouthwitheroticcommands,Iadded,“Ilikedfuckingyou.Iwantmore.”

Hisgazeshotfromtheroadtomine.“More?”
Iswallowed,fightingbackmyembarrassment.“Iwantyouruh...cock.Iwantyouinsidemeagain.”
Hegroanedandfocusedontheroad,thespeedwetraveledfartoofast.“Fuckyouforsayingthat.”
“Excuseme?”
“Youheardme.”
Ihadnocome-backforbeingcursedat.
Howrude.
Whatanass!
Isatsilent,stewingastheneighborhoodswitchedtooneIknewandmypenthouseontopofthewhite

sparklingbuildingupaheadbeckonedmehome.

Home.
WhereSagewouldbewaitingandPenncouldfuckoffwithhissecrets,curses,andlies.
Pullingtoastop,heturnedoffthecarandclimbedout.
Ididn’twaitforhimtogetmydoor.Crackingitopen,Ijumpedoutonlytowinceandhobbleasthe

cutsfromrunningtormentedme.

“Fuck,lookatyourfeet.”BeforeIcouldreply,hescoopedmeintohisarmsandcarriedmetoward

mybuilding.

Thedoormannoddedandopenedthelargeentrywaywithoutshowinganysignsofshock.Pennlefthis

blackMercedescoupeparkedhaphazardlyonthestreetandmarchedmethroughthefoyerofmybuilding.

“Everythingokay,Ms.Charlston?”Danny,thenightmanager,called.Hislinedfaceworriedbeneath

thenavycapofhisuniform.HeeyedPennwithwariness.

PreventingmefromyellingforhelporforDannytocallsecurity,Penngrowled,“I’mtakingmy

fiancéetoherapartment.She’sfine.”

Isquirmedinhisarms.“Youarenotmyfiancé.Stoptellingeveryonethat.”WavingatDanny,doing

mybesttokeepupappearancesratherthanpanictheneighborhood,Isaid,“Everything'sfine.Sorryfor
theoddentry.”

Dannywavedback,frowningandunsurebutpoliteenoughnottointrude.
Themomentweleftthefoyerandenteredthebankofelevators,Ihissed,“Putmedown.”Ipushedat

Penn’schest.“Icanwalk.”

“Yourfeetarebleeding.”
“Idon’tcare.Iwantyougone.”
Helookeddown,hisbrowneyesborderingoak-black.“Thatwasn’twhatyousaidafewmoments

ago.”

“Thatwasbeforeyoutoldmetofuckoff.”
“Ididn’ttellyoutofuckoff.Isaidfuckyou.There’sadifference.”
“There'snodifference.”
Hepunchedtheelevatorbuttonandstrodeintoitasthedoorsopenedinstantly.“Pressyourfloor.”
Ididsothenfrozeasthedoorswhisperedshut,imprisoningus.“Wait,howthehelldoyouknow

whereIlive?”

“Iresearched.”
“Youstalked,youmean.”
Onceagain,hedidn’treply.Therideupwardwasawkwardandstrangeandloadedwithevery

foreignsensationimaginable.Ihatedhimholdingme,butIlikedhisprotectionatthesametime.Ihated
thewayhetookcontrolbutlikedhisneedtomakesureIwassafe.

Ugh,Ijusthatehim.
Idon’tlikeanyoftheotherstuff.
Theelevatorstopped,andPennsteppedoff,pausinginthemiddleofthefancywidehallway.Two

doors—leftandright.Twopenthousestakingupone-halfoftheentireflooreach.

Heglancedatme.“Whichone?”
Icrossedmyarms—orthebestIcouldwhilereclininginhisembrace.“Don’tyoualreadyknow?”
Hisgazetangledwithmine,deliberatingtoshowmeatruthorlie.
Hechosethetruth.
Stridingtowardtheleftdoor—thecorrectdoor—hewaitedwhileIinputtedthenine-digitcoderather

thanasimplekeythenleanedonthedoorhandletoenter.

Imadeamentalnotetochangethesequencetomorrow,seeingashiseagleeyeshadwatchedthenine

digitswithquickintelligence.

Hisattentionswoopedovermyfoyerwhereachandelierhungfromtheceilingincrystalglitterbefore

poolingontothefloorwithaglasstableimprisoningit.Forastatementpiece,ithadoodlesofwow
factor.

Aloudmeowsoundedjustbeforeasilverstreakchargedfromthewhitecouchfacingthefloor-to-

ceilingwindowsdirectlyforPenn.Sagelatchedontohisleg,nodoubtsinkingherclawsintohiscalf.

Ilaughedsoftly.“SeemsI’mnottheonlyonewhodoesn’tlikeyou.”
“Thefeelingismutual,Iassureyou.”Wincing,hestalkedforward—withSagestillclingingtohisleg

—enteringmysleekkitchen,whereeverycupboardlookedlikeahighglosswallwithnohandlesor
appliancesinsight—allhiddenormagicallydesignedtokeepsuchnecessitiesoflifeamystery.

Placingmeonthewhitebenchtop,hegrabbedSage,rippedheroffhisjeans,andplonkedherdown

besideme.Sheswattedhim,hissing,butimmediatelyleapedintomylapandpurred,stretchingtolickmy
chinwithhersandpapertongue.

“Youdidwell.”Iscratchedherneck.“Thanksforprotectingme.”
Pennsnorted,turningtolocatethesink.Hewouldn’tfindit.Itwashiddenbeneathalargeslabof

benchtopthatrevealedthetapandbowlwithapressofabuttonbymyorchidplant.

Hesearchedfortwosecondsthenstalkedoff,leavingmegapingafterhim.
Wherethehellishegoing?
Afewmomentslater,hereturnedwithawhitetowelfromtheguestpowderroomandabowlthathad

containedbluemarblesfordecorationnowfilledwithtepidwater.

Withoutaword,hedroppedtohiskneesandgrabbedmyfoot.
Ifroze,speechlessashewetthetowelthenslowly,carefully,withallthetendernessintheworld

washedmyfeet,runningthetowelso,sogentlyoverthelacerationsfromthebeerbottleI’drunover.

Isuckedinagasp,mybreathwobblyashecleanedthetowelandthewaterturnedpinkwithmy

blood.

Therewasnothingelseinthatmoment.
Noquestions.Nolies.Nolust.
JusthimgivinghimselfinwaysIneverimaginedhewould.
Myheartstoppedthudding,settlingfortheslightesttiptoeasifafraidonewrongmoveornoisewould

shatterthisstrangenewexistence.

Hishandswereswiftbutsure,softbutserious.Hedidn’tticklemewhilehefeltmyinsteptomake

surenodebrisremained,andhedidn’ttakeadvantagewhenmylegsspreadwithinstinctasherubbedmy
anklewithhisthumb.

Hetendedtome,andonceIwastendedto,hestood,placedthebowlontothecounter,thengrabbed

myfaceinhiswarmhands.

Hestaredintomyeyes,barriersinplace,curtainsprotectinghistruethoughts.Hedidn’tspeak,buthe

leanedforwardandhislipsclaimedmineinthemostsensualkissI’deverbeengiven.

Histonguewasvelvet.Hismouthcashmere.
Iswoonedintohim,utterlyseducedandunbound.
Therewasmagicinthiskiss,aspellpromisingsecrets,aconnectiontoseverallotherconnections.
Andthen,itwasover.
Assilentlyashe’dwashedmyfeet,heturnedaroundandwalkedoutofmyapartment.
Justlikethat.

ChapterTwenty-Five

AFEWDAYSpassed.

Ididn’tcontacthim.
Hedidn’tcontactme.
Itwasasifheneverexisted.
Ifitweren’tforthefadingcutsandbruisesonmyfeet,Iwould’vestruggledtobelievethenightathis

placeevenhappened.

Mymindwasabrokenrecord—evenworkcouldn’tdistractme.
AllIcouldthinkaboutwasPennwashingmyfeet,Pennhittingthatguy,Pennslidinginsideme.
He’dshowntwototallydifferentsidesofhimself,andIcouldn’tunscramblewhatitmeant.I’dhoped

havingsometimetomyselfwoulddeliverdecisionsonwhattodo.Tomakeupmymindtoforgetabout
himorchasetheanswersslowlyturningmehollow.

Spread-sheetsandconferencescallsdidn’thelp,andthelackofcontactdidtheoppositeofwhatI

wanted.Myheartgrewfonder(justlikethatstupidsaying).Myidioticmindsketchedhiminakinderlight
thantheonehe’dshown.Isecond-guessedhispretensionandconceit,makingupstoriesthatwould
explainhissuddenswitchtoguardianandmedicallinone.

JustlikemyunpaiddebttoNameless,IhadonetowardPennnow.Iowedhimthanksattheveryleast

forensuringIreturnedhomesafeandmyinjuriesweredisinfected.

Whenhefinallydidtextme,Inolongerwantedhimtofalloffthefaceoftheplanetbutwasgratefulto

hearfromhim.

Penn(08:47a.m.):Howareyourfeet?
Elle(08:52a.m.):Fine.Ineversaidthanksfortakingcareofme.
Penn(09:00a.m.):Areyousayingitnow?
Elle(09:03a.m.):Maybe.
Penn(09:06a.m.):Areyousore?
Elle(09:08a.m.):Myfeet?
Penn(09:08a.m.):No.TheotherpartItouchedthatnight.
Sexbetweenusexplodedintomysenses:sight,sound,taste,feel—Iwasn’tinmyofficebutbackin

hisbed.IhadnointentionoflettinghimknowhowmuchIwantedasecondround.

Elle(09:09a.m.):Ohyes,that’sright.I’dforgottenaboutthat.
Pen(09:10a.m.):Doyouwantmetorefreshyourmemory?
Elle(09:11a.m.):Perhapsyoushould.
Penn(09:12a.m.):Iwanttofuckyouagain.
Elle(09:14a.m.):Sodoit.
Penn(09:17a.m.):Fairwarning,Iwon’tgosoeasyonyounexttime.
Ichokedalittle.
I’dplayedfairlyeasytocatch,andthethoughtoftanglinginbedtogethersoundedfartootempting.

ButifIlethimintomybodyagain,Imightnotbeabletokeepmyfeelingsoutofit.Damnhimforwashing
myfeetandshowingmehecouldcare.HowcouldIkeepmyheartfrostyifhe’dthawedalittle?

TheanswerwasIcouldn’t.

We’dslepttogether.We’dhadthreedaysapart.Itwasagoodtimetoendthischaradebefore

everyonehe’dliedtogothurt.I’dthankedhim.Icouldmoveon.

Elle(09:20a.m.):I’vechangedmymind.
Penn(09:23a.m.):Whatthefuckdoesthatmean?
Elle(09:27a.m.):Itmeansthesexwasamazing,butitdoesn’tchangethefactyouliedtomy

father.YoumadehimthinkhecanrelaxknowingI’mgoingtobetakencareof—hiswords,notmine.I
can’tlethimbelievewe’retrulytogether.Hehasheartissues.Ienjoyedtheothernightbutdon’t
expectanythingmore.Let’sendthisnowbeforeitgetscomplicated.

Notextcameback.
Myphonevibratedaliveinmyhand.
Penncalling...
“Oh,shit.”Huddlingovermydesk,IdeliberatedwhetherIshouldignorethecall.Problemwashe

knewIwasaroundbecauseI’drespondedtohistexts.

Suckinginabreath,Ipressedaccept.“Hello.”
“Don’thellome,Elle.”
“Okay...”
“Don’tokayme,either.Especiallyinthattone.”Hisvoicedrippedwithsex,poolingdirectlyintomy

core.

“Well,ifyou’renotgoingtoletmespeak,whythehelldidyoucallme?”
“I’lltellyouwhy.BecauseIfoundyourlastmessageridiculous.”
Iheldmytongue,waitingforhimtocontinue.
“ItsohappensI’vespokentoyourfather.”
“What?”
“Andheapprovesofus.”
“He’llapproveofanyonewithapenisandapulse.”
Aslongasit’snotNamelessorsomeonewithacriminalrecord.
“Thanksforthatstabatmyself-worth,”hepurred.“Nevertheless,Ihavealunchdatewithhimtoday.

Ifyousayyou’resorryandadmityouwantmetomakeyoucomeagain,Imightletyoujoinus.”

Icouldn’tdothis.
“Holdup.Youmightletmecomeonadatewithmyownfather?”Irolledmyeyes,gloweringatSage

assheprancedovermydesk.“Ican’thearyoubecauseyouregoissoinflated.”

“Ithinkyoumeanmycock.Mycockisinflatedthinkingaboutfuckingyouagain.”Hisvoicedropped

fromcrudetocool.“I’mmeetingyourfatherattheTropicsinthreehours.Comeordon’t.Yourchoice.”

Hehungup.
IhadagoodmindtocallhimbackandscreechthatIwasn’tsomepossessiontobeplayedoratoyto

betormented.Butsomeoneknockedonmydoor.“Elle?”

Ohno,thisdayjustkeepsgettingworse.
“Yes,Greg,youcancomein.”
Hestrodeinwithallthearrogantairsofaplayboydressedinababybluepoloandpressedjeans.His

darkblondhairwastussledinjusttherightwaytohinthewasalwaysthisgoodlookingwithnoeffort,
whenIhappenedtoknow—frommanychildhoodget-togethers—thathetookhoursinthebathroom
manscaping.

YetanotherreasonwhyIcouldneverbewithGreg.Hevaluedhisappearancemorethananyother

thinginhislife...includingwhateverwomanheendedupwithashiswife.

“Hi,Elle.”Heperchedontheedgeofmydesk,hisbuttnudgingasidepaperclipsandscatteringpens.

“Whatchadoingtoday?”

Sagegavehimakitty-glowerandleapedofftheglasstoreturntohernestofblanketsbymyfeet.

Iforcedmyselfnottorollmyeyes.“Theusual.Runningmyfamily’scompany.You?”
“Justhadtheweeklybriefwithmyoldman.Logisticsisboringcomparedtoallthenumber-juggling

youguysgettodouphere.”

WhenGregleftschool,Steveandmyfatherhadworkedoutapositionforhimtofill.Apositionthat

wouldn’taffectBelleElle’sreputationorbottomlineifhelostinterestorscrewedup.Beingtheheadof
thelogisticsdepartmentoughttobeafull-time,full-onoccupation,buthisexecutiveassistantwasfartoo
goodatherjob,andGregtookthatasanopportunitytoplayretired.

“It’snotfun.”Ismiledhugeandbright.“Believeme.”
Andyou’renotallowedtofiddlewiththingsyouknownothingaboutanddon’tgivetwocrapsover.
Hepluckedmyturquoiseinkfountainpenandspunitinhisfingers.“Wanttogotodinnerwithme

tonight?HangingatthePalmPoliticswiththosegirlsfromyourschoolwasfun.”Heflashedmeagrin.“I
enjoyedit.AndIknowourfathersdid.They’resohappywegottogetheronourownaccordandnotata
familydinner.”

Unabletohelpmyself,Igrabbedthepenfromhisfingersandplaceditbackonthedesk.“Sorry,Greg,

I’mbusy.Maybenexttime.”

“Nexttimewhat?”Hiseyesnarrowed,thatedgeofdarknessrevealingitself.“Nextweek,youmean?

Nextmonth?When,Elle?I’mnotgoingtowaitaroundforyouforever,youknow.”

Thefaintestclangingofwarningbellsbegan.Hissmileremained,buttheharshmalicehemanagedto

hidesowellglimmered.

Isattaller.Mywilltobecordialfadedundertheneedtokickhimintheballsandshowhimthathe

might’veseenmeintutusandcryingoverbullies,buthedidn’tknowmenow.Iwouldn’tputupwithhis
passive-aggressivebehavior—certainlynotinmyoffice.

“Ineveraskedyoutowait,Greg.Infact,IdistinctlyremembertellingyouIonlywanttobefriends.”
Hescoffed,onceagainsnatchingmypen,daringmetostealitbackasheclenchedithardinhisfist.

“See,that’sthethingwithyou,Elle.Yousendmixedmessages.”

Irubbedtheangerpricklingmyarms.“Don’tconfuseyourownmeddlingformyapproval.”
Heleanedforward,bringingspiteandjealousywhiffingintomynose.“Idon’tmeddle.Youwantme.

Everyonefuckingknowsthat.”

Ipursedmylips,hatingthewaymyheartscamperedwhenIwantedtoremainangry.
ItwouldbesoeasytodowhatPenndidandlie.TosayIwaswithhimnow.Engaged.ButIwouldn’t

dothatbecauseIdidn’tneedPenntofightmybattlesforme.Besides,PennhadtoldhimpointblankthatI
washisnow,yetGregtriedtoclaimmeanyway.

Iwentwitharoundaboutlie.Adressed-uplittlefib.“You’remistaken.I’mwithsomeone.”
“Bullshit.Gooutwithme.Onedate.What’ssobadaboutmethatyouwon’teveneatwithme?”His

annoyanceshimmeredlikeabloodthirstyguillotinereadytofall.“Stopbeingsuchabitch.”

Thegentleclangingofbellsturnedintoanorchestraofcaution.Ihatedhimloomingoverme,perched

onmydesk.Istood,pushingmychairback,andcrossingmyarms.“Callmeabitchagain,andI’llhave
youfired.”

Heslappedhisthigh.“God,you’readorablewhenyouactallCEO.”
Iignoredthat.
Reachingfortheonlything—theonlyperson—whopoppedintomyhead,Isnapped,“Areyou

expectingmetocheaton,Penn?”

Heguffawed.“Cheat?Comeon,Elle.Iknowit’sallascam.You’veknowntheguytwominutes.I’ve

knownyoufortwenty-twoyears.Hedoesn’tstandachance.”Heleanedforward,smellingcleanand
soap-likecomparedtoPenn’smysteriousdeepaftershave.“You’rehavingafling.Shit,I’vehadthemtoo.
YouthinkImindifyoufuckhim?”

Ibaredmyteeth,holdingmyground.“Youshouldifyou’reasinlovewithmeasyouclaim.”

Hissmilewastoxic.“Love?Whosaidanythingaboutlove?Isaidwe’remeanttobetogether.We’re

compatible.OurfamiliesownBelleElle,andweworksidebyside.I’mnotafraidofsomebullshit
assholewhothinkshecanstealwhat’sminebystickinghisdickinyou.”

Everynerveendingwantedtoboltoutthedoor.MyeyesshottotheintercombuttonwhereFleur

couldbringreinforcements.Alonewithhiminmyofficewasworsethanaloneonastreetwithathief.

Ican’tlethimgetawaywiththisidiocy.Suchtreason.
Rebuttalscameswift,formingfastonthetypewriterofmymind,slippingintoorderlyfashionto

schoolhim.I’dhadenoughpracticewithbastardslikehim.

Youdon’tintimidateme,asshole.
Gregcontinued,lovingthesoundofhisownthreat.“You’vehadyourfling,Elle.ButI’mtheone

you’remeanttobewith.I’mtheonewhohasourfathers’blessings,andI’mtheonewhodeservesBelle
Elle,nothimorsomeotherschmuckwhothinkstheycanstealwhat’smine—”

Mypatiencesnapped.
Ileftprimandproperandembracedfireandferocity.
Grabbinghisbabybluepoloinmyfist,Iyankedhimoffmydesk.Hestumbledtohisfeet,shock

makinghimpliable.

“Listentome,Greg,andlistengood.”Myvoicewasahiss.“Youwillneverandhaveneverowned

BelleElle.BelleElleismine.Youworkhere.You.Are.My.Employee.IfyouthinkIwouldevermarry
someonelikeyou—someonepompousandself-centeredandnasty—thenalltheyearstogetherhaven’t
taughtyouathing.Iruleyou,Greg,sogetthefuckoutofmyoffice,getbacktologistics,doyourgoddamn
job,andifyouevertrytothreatenmeagain,I’llcallthepolice.”Ishovedhimawayfromme.“AmI
perfectlyclear?”

Forasecond,theworldteetered.Twoscenarioslivedsidebyside.
One,mebleedingonthefloorfromGreg’spunch,myskirtripped,andhishandswheretheyshould

neverbe.

Andtwo,himbackingdownandfinallyconcedingdefeat.
Iwasstupidnottorecognizethewarbrewingbetweenus.ToletSteveandmyfathermakeitseem

likeaharmlessflirtationwhileGreghadalreadykickedmefrommyofficeandplasteredhisnameover
theplaqueonthedoor.

He’dbeencountingmymoneyandpowersinceheleftdiapers.
“Thisistheendofwhateverthisis,gotit?”Iheldmyheadhighandpointedatthedoor.Sagemeowed

loudlyinsupport.“Leave.Now.Iwon’taskagain.”

Slowly,aslysmileslitheredoverhislips.Henolongerlookedpreppybutprovokedandalready

planningretaliation.“Iseeyou’renotalittlegirlanylonger,Elle.”Heswayedforward.“Ilikeit.”

“Getout!”
Hechuckledandstrodetothedoor,leavingmegobsmackedthathe’dobeyed.
Openingit,heturnedandblewmeakiss.“Justsoyouknow,yourlittlespeechwascute,butIknow

youdon’tmeanit.You’reasmuchaliarasthatassholeyou’refucking.”Hewiggledhisfingers
condescendinglyingoodbye.“I’llvisityounextweek,Elle—giveyousometimetocooldown.”

Hiseyesturnedtoice.“However,thenexttimeIcomeforyou;nexttimeIaskpolitelyforyoutojoin

meonadate,you’regoingtosayyes,Noelle.Justwatch.”

ChapterTwenty-Six

“ELLE!WHATApleasantsurprise.”Myfatherstoodfromtheneatlydressedtablewithatoucanbird
arrangementandmulti-coloredwaterglassesstarkagainstthewhitetable-cloth.Eventhecutleryhad
splashesofcolorintheformofengravedparrotfeathersonthehandles.Therestaurantwasn’tcalledthe
Tropicsfornothing.

“Hi,Dad.”Iacceptedhischeek-kiss,smoothingdownmylightgraydresswithblackandpinkpanels

onthesides.Theskirtwastight,justlikethebodice,makingself-consciousnesstanglewiththeanxious
residueofdealingwithGreg.

Hewouldn’tbackdown—Isawthatnow.
I’ddonemybesttobeproductiveafterhe’dleft,butmyinstinctswouldn’tstopringingthosedamn

awfulalarmbells,andmymindraninapanictryingtofindasolution.

I’dtoldGregIwouldfirehim,butwithoutcause,hecouldsue.Nottomentionthemessitwould

causebetweenDadandSteve.

Theywerebest-friends.Suchgoodfriends,Ihonestlydidn’tknowwhosesideDadwouldpickifI

toldhimIwantedGregdealtwithandgone.

Isuckedinabreath,tryingtocalmdown.Thestupidcouturedressrestrictedmyribsfromexpanding.

Onceagain,I’dbeendressedinsomethingagainstmywill.

WhenI’dtoldFleurtoholdmyafternoonmeetingsbecauseIhadtogomonitoralunchbetweenmy

fatherandPenn,sheshotdowntotheretailfloorandreturnedwiththisdress,alacescarfmadefrom
bohemianwool(whateverthatwas),andsinglestuddiamondearrings.

Myhairsheleftloosebutaddedafewcurlswhiletherestshestraightened.Ithungevenlongerthan

normaldownmyback.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Myfathersmiled,pullingoutachairandinvitingmetosit.“NotthatI

don’twantyouhere,ofcourse.”

IknewDadwouldarrivefifteenminutesbeforePenn.Hewasforeverpunctual—tomeetingsorlunch

dates,eventhetheaterproductionsmyschoolforcedmetoparticipateinwhenIwasachild.

Pennwouldbeontime,Ihadnodoubt.ButIwouldusethesefewpreciousminutesalonewithDadto

myadvantage.First,IwoulddealwithPenn,andthenIwoulddealwithGreg.

Notwastinganytime,Igrabbedtheyellowandgreennapkinandspreaditovermylap.“Weneedto

talk,Dad.QuicklybeforePennshowsup.”

Hiseyebrowrose.“Howdidyouknowhe’smylunchcompanion?”
“Becausehetoldme.HementionedIcouldjoin,soI’mnotgatecrashingwithoutaninvitation.”
Hisfacemeltedwithromance.“Ah,younglove.Hecan’tstandtospendevenafewhoursawayfrom

you.”

Yes,that’swhyhe’savoidedmeforthreedays.
Iavoidedtellinghimthat,alongwithalltheothersecretsIsuddenlyseemedtohavefrommyfather.
Isthatwhatlustandlovedo?Doesitsegmentoffaperson’slifefromshareabletoprivate?
I’dbeensoopenaboutmyentireworldbeforePenncamealong.Now,Istruggledforsubjectsthat

wereappropriate.

Takingasipofthewateralreadysparklinginrainbowglasses,Iblurted,“PennandIaren’treally

engaged—justlikeI’vebeentellingyoufromthebeginning.”

Dadfroze.“What?”
“Heliedtoyou.Ihavenoideawhatheintendstodoorsaytoday,butIwantedtotellyou...noneofit

istrue.IfhestartstellingyouI’mpregnantorthatwe’reelopingtoCubaorI’mmovinginwithhim...don't
believeawordofit.Okay?”

Hisfaceturnedwhite.Hereachedforhiswater.
Fearforhishearttriedtogagme,tostealbackwhatI’dsaidandtellhimitwasalla

misunderstanding;thatIwastheonelying.Only,heshockedmebyasking,“Couldyoubepregnant?”His
eyesfilledwithwisdomhedidn’toftenletmesee.Foramansosuccessfulinbusiness,heembracedhis
kookynatureandwhimsicalfancysomuch,hemademeforgethowintelligenthewas—hownodeal—
goodorbad—wentthroughwithouthisscrutiny.“Whywouldhelieaboutyoubeingpregnantifthereis
notruthtoyoubeingtogether?”

Mylipsgluedtight.Ihadnoanswertothat.
Heloweredhisvoice,glancingattheotherdinersinthequaintrestaurantthatservedhealthysalads

andlightlunches.Theceilinghadbeenpaintedwitharainforestcanopy.Thewindowsadornedwith
artworkofdanglingspidermonkeyswhiletheoccasionalpythondrippedfromalightfixture.“Behonest
now,BellButton.”

Ishookmyhead.“I’m—no.We’renottogether.”
“Butyouhavebeen.”
“We’renotengaged.That’sallyouneedtoknow.”
“Notyet,anyway.Iadmititwasabitquick,andIwasgoingtoaddresshisintentionstodayandgetto

knowhimalittlebetter,butyoucan’tdenyyou’reinterestedinhimandhe’sinterestedinyou.It’sallover
you,Elle.”

Ididn’tlikethesoundofthat.
What’salloverme?
ThetensionfromdealingwithGreg,ortheapprehensionfromdealingwithPenn?
Imisseduncomplicated.Imissedbeingalonewithoutmalesmessingthingsup.
Brushingasidethatnastyrevelation,Ileanedforward.“IfIaskyoutodosomethingforme...would

you?”

Heansweredwithnohesitation.“Anything.Youknowthat.”Heplacedhishandovermineonmy

napkin.“Nameit.”

“Hireaprivateinvestigator.”
“What?”
“ResearchPennEverett.”
“Why?”Hiseyesnarrowed.“Hashehurtyou?Didsomethinghappen?”Helookedmeupanddown

asifhecouldseebruisesandmisdoingsandwasreadytoshoottheguyinawildwestduel.

“No,butsomethingdoesn’tsitright.Somethinghappenedtheothernight.Itmademethinkaboutthe

manImentionedwhenIwasarrestedinCentralPark.”

Hisbodylanguageshutdown.
Heremovedhistouch,sittingtallerinhischair.“Ithoughtweagreedthatthatnonsensewasover.You

didyourbesttofindthatboy.Ishuttledyouaroundlawcourtsandpolicestationswithnothingmorethan
avaguedescription.Iwaspatient,Elle.Iwentalongwithyourdesiretotrackhimdown,butwedidn’t
findhim.Ithoughtyou’dletthatgo.”

Ionlyletyouthinkthat.I’mstilllooking.Stillhoping.
“Ihad—Imean,Ihave.ButIwouldlikesomeonetolookintoPenn’sbackground.Wherehe’sfrom,

whohisparentsare,whatdoeshedo?Doeshehaveacriminalrecord,forgoodness’sake?Isthattoo
muchtoask?”

“It’snottoomuchtoask.”Thatsexy,silkycommandingtoneslippeddownthebackofmyneck.“In

fact,ifyoudoexactlythat—ask—I’llgladlyfillinthoseblankswithouthiringsomeonetotellyou.”

“Ah,Mr.Everett.Imean,Penn.”Myfatherstood,extendinghishandinwelcome.“Pleasuretosee

youagain.”

Iremainedstraight-backedinmychair,notapologizingforwhatPennhadoverheardevenwhenI

wantednothingmorethantohuddleinshame.

PennshookDad’shandthenturnedhisendlessdarkgazeonme.“Goahead,Elle.Iinvitedyouhereso

youcouldaskquestions.Thatwemighthaveaconversationratherthanbaseourconnectiononpurely
physical.”

Iblanched,glancingatDad.Pennjustadmittedwehadasexualrelationship.
MyfathercrinkledhisnosealittlebeforeclearinghisthroatandofferingPenntotaketheseatnextto

me.“Yes,conversationcanbeveryworthwhile.Ithinkit’sagreatidea.”Heglaredinmydirection.His
staresaiditall:youwanttoknowsomething?Nowisthetime...soask.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

MYQUESTIONSSATheavierandheavierwitheverysecondthattickedpast.

Thisshamofalunchdatehadbeengoingonforfortyminutesinwhichtimeawaitressinabright

orangeuniformhadtakenourorders:DadhadaVietnameseporksalad,PennhadaThaibeefnoodle,and
Ihadamangofishsalsa.

Theartfullypresentedmealshadbeendelivered,andasweate,Pennandmyfathersharedtidbitsof

golfinghandicaps,bestcoursesaroundAmerica,whatPennplannedtodowithhisbenefactornowhewas
feelingbetter,andeveryotherboringnonsensenon-importanttopictheycouldcover.

NotoncedidhementionStewart—hisson.
NotapeepaboutLarry—hisfriend/brother/father/secretlover.
Notawhisperonthepastherefusedtoshare.
BythetimeI’dfinishedeating,mystomachchurned,andangersimmeredsohot,Icouldn’tdamperit

nomatterhowmuchwaterIdrank.

Greghadignitedmytemper.Pennjustaddedrocketfuel.
DadnoticedIwasstrungup.Hedidn’tmakeiteasieronmebytryingtolinkmeintoconversations

withopen-endedsuggestionslike,“ElleusedtocomewithmeontheoddtimeIwentfishing.Doyoulike
tofish,Penn?Perhapsyoutwocouldspendsometimetogetherawayfromthecity?”

Pennpushedawayhisemptyplate,cradlingaglassofwater.Hehadn’torderedanyalcoholasifhe

didn’twanthismindtobeaffectedinanyway.“Idon’tliketofish.ButI’mopentospendingtimewith
Elleinotherways.”Helickedhisbottomlipfreefromawaterdroplet.“Infact,wecouldgoawaynext
weekend,ifyou’dlike?Ihavetovisitafriendoutofthecity.”

Icrossedmyutensils,pushingawaytherestofmylunch.Itwasnowornever.“Whatfriend?”
Dadglancedatme,hearingmysharptone.Hedidn’treprimand,though.Settlingintohischair,he

gavePennandmethespacetodiscusseverythingwe’dleftunsaid.

Pennplacedhisglassonthetable,narrowinghiseyes.
Thiswasthestartofthebattle.
Bringiton.
“Doyoureallywanttoknowthetruth,Elle?”
“Yes.”
“Sometimesliesareeasier.”
“TruthistheonlythingIwant.”
“Fine.”Heranahandthroughhishair,disruptingthedarkshine,encouragingwaywardhighlightsto

glimmer.“MyfriendisinFishkillCorrectionalFacility.Ivisithimwhentimepermits.”

“Prison?”Ifrowned.“Wait,isn’tthataplaceformentallydisturbed?”
“Insanepeople?”Pennshookhishead.“Itusedtobe.Notanymore.Nowit’samediumsecurity.”
Dadleanedforward,finishingoffhisporksaladwithagrimace.TheglowofPenn’scompanyand

rosyhopeforahappyfuturewasmarredbythementionofaprison.

Ichewedasmile.
Dadasked,“Whatdidyourfrienddo?”
Pennclearedhisthroat—notinanembarrassedwaybutmoreofa‘howmuchtoreveal’pause.“He’s

athief.”

Athief.
Thepunchesfromtheothernight.
ThewayPenndidn’thesitatetocausebodilyharm.
There’dbeentwointhatalleythreeyearsago.Twomenwho’dtriedtorobandrapeme.Wasit

possiblePennwasoneofthem?OrwasheNameless?Acold-heartedversionoftheherowithno
remainingempathy?OrwashesomeonecompletelydifferentandI’dmadeallthecluesupinmyhead?

Ineededtofocus,butafterdealingwithGreg,IstruggledtoseePennasmuchasathreatasIdid

before.Hewasanuisancewithhisstory-telling,buthewasn’tmaliciouslikeGreghadrevealed.

Icouldn’tdecidewhatquestiontoask,soIskippedtoanotherjustasimportant.“Doesyoursonlive

withyou?”

Pennscowled,hisbodytensingagainstthesubjectchange.“Whydoyouthinkhe’smyson?”
Iscrunchedmynapkin.Washeabouttolieagain?“IsawyouatBelleElle.Hespokeaboutyouand

Larryasfatherfigures.”

“Fatherfigures,”herepeatednoncommittally.
“Whatdoesthatevenmean?”Mytemperspiked.“Youare,oryou’renot.”
“Iam,andI’mnot.”
Icrossedmyarms,doingmybestnottooverflowwithannoyance.“Thatisn’tevenananswer.”
Dadjumpedin.“Whatyou’resayingishe’sadopted?”
Pennsmiled,grantinghimrespectbutnotme.“Onthewaytobeingadopted,yes.”
“Ontheway?”Isniped.
“Yes,thepaperworkhasbeenfiled.We’reawaitingthegoodnews.”
“We?”
“LarryandI.”
“Soyouaregay?”
PennlookedatmecondescendinglyasifIjustdidn’tgetit.“No,Elle.I’mnotgay.”Takinganothersip

ofwater,hiseyesdarkenedovertherim.“Ithoughtweclarifiedthattheothernightwhenyoucametomy
homeaskingmetohelpyouwithasmallmatter.”

Dadlockedhisgazeonme.“Asmallmatter?Iseverythingokay,Elle?”
Ifoughttheheatbloomingonmycheeks.“Yes.”Myteethlockedtogether,makingithardtoreply.

“Fine.Pennisjustbeingtroublesome.”

“I’mbeingtroublesome?”Hepointedathimself,shakinghishead.“Ithinkyou’llfindI’mbeing

nothingbutcooperative.”

“Ifyouwerebeingcooperative,youwouldtellmewhoyoutrulyare,whereyoucamefrom,who

Larryis,whoStewiebelongsto,andwhatthehellyourfriendisdoinginFishkill.”Ibreathedhard,not
caringmyfatherwatchedmeasifIwasabouttosnap.I’dalreadysnappedoncetoday,andIbouncedon
thetightropetobreakagain.“Tellmethetruth,Penn—ifthatisevenyourname.Thenperhapswe’llsee
howcooperativeIcanbe.”

Silencecloakedthetable.Myoutburstranginmyears.
Penndidn’tmove.
Dadshiftedinhisseat,butIremainedlockedinavisionbattlewiththemanwho’dtakenmyvirginity,

kickedmeout,thenrescuedme.

Ididn’twanttoadmitit,butbeneathmyhateanddislikeandmistrustandwarinesswasthefluttering

offeelings.Whenhe’dwashedmyfeet...I’dsoftened.Whenhe’dpressedinsideme,I’dcaved.Ididn’t
wanttoacknowledgeit,buthe’daffectedmemorethanjustphysically.

AndIhatedthatmorethananything.
Thisisn’tworthit.
Ihadabusinesstorun.Gregtodealwith.Distractionssuchasthiswereawasteofmytime.

Standing,Ithrewmynapkinonmydirtyplateandsniffed.“Youknowwhat?Inolongercare.Itwasa

pleasuregettingtoknowyou,Mr.Everett,butIdon’twanttoseeyouagain.”

Turningtomyfather,Iadded,“We’renotengaged,Dad,norhaveweeverbeen,trustme.Isleptwith

him—youmightaswellknowthat,seeingashe’simplieditineveryinnuendohecould.DoIfeelgood
aboutthat?No.DoIregretit?Yes.AmIpissedheliedtoyouaboutourengagement?Morethananything.
Now,ifyou’llexcuseme,I’mreturningtotheofficewhereI’mincontrolanddon’thavetoputupwith
menlikehim—”IpointedafingeratPenn’scarefullyschooledexpression.

Ididn’twaitformyfather’sreply.OrforPenn’srebuttal.
AsIstalkedpasttablesfulloflaughingdiners,Icrushedmyheartforflyingsofast.I’ddonenothing

butrunawayfromthatmansincewe’dmet.

Idisguiseditwithblusterandbravery,butreally,Iwasterrifiedofhim.
Petrifiedofthewayhemademefeelbeneathmydislike.
ScaredofthewaymyinstinctsnudgedmeharderandhardertolookpastthemanandseesomeoneI

thoughtI’dneverfind.

Butmostofall,Iwasdisappointedinmyself.
Becauseforthefirsttime,I’dbeentheonetolie.
EverythingI’dsaidtomyfather,everywordI’dgrowledaboutPenn—wasn’ttrue.
Ifeltgoodaboutsleepingwithhim.
Ididn’tregretathing.
Andyes,Iwasannoyedabouthislies,butIwasmoreinterestedinthesnippetsoftruthbehindthem.
Itdidn’tmatternow.
Ihadotherfightstowin.
It’sover.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

CENTRALPARKHADtwofaces.

Thesinfuloneitshowedinsilvermoonlightwithhoodednamelessmen,andtheinnocentonewhere

sunshinedappledgreengrassandchildrensquealedinthedistance.

It’dbeensolongsinceI’dstrolledthroughthelushgreenery.
Threeyearstoolong.
Nameless...
Hewasinthetreesandthebreeze.
Hewasallaroundmebutneverthere.
Myheelsclippedonthesidewalk,keepingmelockedinthefuryvortexoftherestaurant.Needingto

calmmyheartrate,Islippedofftheprettypink(butcrippling)shoesandswitchedpavementforturf.

Thespringysoftnessgavesimplicitytothecomplicationmylifehadbecomeoverthepastfewweeks.
TheTropicsrestaurantwasnestledinaprimepositionontheborderofthepark.Ihadintendedtocall

Davidimmediatelytocollectme,butthenthesunshinepromisedtocalmmebeforebook-keepingand
runningstaffaddedadifferentkindofstress.

Iwouldwalkforabit,soakupsomevitaminD,andthencallDavidtoreturntoBelleElleanddeal

withthepileofworryI’dleftthere.I’dcuddleSage,workuntilmyeyesweretoosore,thenreturnhome
andlockeverysingledooragainsttheworld.

Ihadn’tgonefar—afewminutesatmostwhenfootstepssoundedbehindme.Firmandfaultless,

masculineandmovingfast.

MybacktingledasIstrodeintoafasterpace.
IfitwaswhoIthoughtitwas,Ididn’twanttotalktohim.
Pacingquickerdidn’thelp.
Angryfingersloopedaroundmyelbow,yankingmebackward.“Youdon’tgettoleave,Elle.Notlike

that.”Hiseyeswerebrighterinthesun—moreagedportthanoakwhiskey.Afewlinesetchedaroundhis
mouthasifhestruggledjustasmuchasIdid.

Whichdidn’tmakeanysense,ashe’dbeentheonemessingmearoundsincethebeginning.Hewas

theonewho’dcausedGregtoexplodewithjealousyandthreatenme.Hewasatfaultinallofthis.

Ijerkedmyarmback,breakinghishold.Heonlyletmegobecauseawomanwithastrollernarrowed

hereyesasshewentpast.“Stopfollowingme.”Ifellintoanotherbarefootstride,cursinghimwhenhe
matchedmyrhythm,joiningmeonthegrass,hisblackshoesglintinginthesun.

Ihatedthatinhisgraphitesuitwithiceblueshirt,hecameacrossaspricelessandsharpasa

diamond.Therewerenomistakesinhisveneer.Nohesitation—asifheheldalltheclues.

Whichhedoes.
“Youaskquestions,yetdidn’tstickaroundtoheartheanswers.”
Isnorted.“Asifyou’dtellmethetruth.”
Hisfingersloopedwithmine,pullingmebackgentlythistime.
Igaspedasheranhisthumbovermyknuckles.Hisfacesoftened.Hisshouldersfell.Somehow,he

switchedthefightbetweenusintoawhiteflag.Theurgetopushandpush—tocrackhisfaçade—paused,
willingtoaccepthiminthatmoment.Maskandall.

Hehalf-smiled,amixtureofreluctanceandtolerance.“Tryme.Askagain.”

Iblinkedasthesunblindedme,dancingoffhishair,hidinghisfaceforasecond,sohestoodthere

withnofeaturesorbelongingtoaname.

Hecould’vebeenanyone.
Hecould’vebeenNameless.
Hecould’vebeenoneofthemenwhomuggedme.
He’sastrangerIletinsideme.
IshudderedatahowirresponsibleI’dbeen.HowI’dletmyselfbeglamouredbyhisfancygamesand

prettyface.HowI’dletlusttakeordinarybraincellsandtransformthemintoflirtatiousfloozies.

Idon’tlikehim.
Idon’tlikehim.
Idon’t.
Thesunsparkled,burningmyliesevenasIforcedthemtobetrue.
Tirednesssuddenlyblanketedme,heavyandthick,stiflingandoppressive.Therewasonlyone

answerIneededtomakealltheotherquestionsobsolete.Justone.Thebiggestoneofall.“Youwantme
toask?Fine,I’llask.”Iinhaleddeepandjumpedin.“Whereyouwereonthe19

ofJunethreeyears

ago?”

Nothinghappened.
Notrumpets,nochoir,nostreamersatwinningthemagicalprizeforaskingtherightquestion.
Therewasnoflinchorshockoroutrightdenial.
ThedatewhenI’dmetNameless,whenI’dkissedhiminthisverypark,meantabsolutelynothingto

Penn.

Hisbodyremainedrelaxed,hisheadcockedcuriouslytotheside.“What?”
Iwantedtotellhimtoforgetit.
Thatallmysillysleuthingandponderingswerewrong.
Ihadmyanswer.
ButnowI’drippedoffthatparticularbandage,Icouldn’tstop.Ihadtoletitoutbeforeitcrippledme.

“Itwasmynineteenthbirthday.IranawayfromBelleElleforonenightalone.Iwalked,Iexplored,Iwas
hurtbytwomen.Athirdsavedme.”Isuckedinabreathasemotionsthatshould’vesubduedandfadedby
nowswelled.“Hebroughtmehere.ToCentralPark.Wekissed.”Imovedcloser.

Hesteppedback,hisfacehardeningwiththingsIcouldn’tdecipher.
“Weatechocolate.Wefeltsomething—”
“Penn,thereyouare.You’resoonerthanIexpected.”
Amanappearedfromthepassingcrowd,holdingaremotecontrolairplanewithStewiebyhisside.

Thekidclutchedacontrollerasifdyingtoactivatetheplaneandsenditsoaringratherthanleaveit
trappedintheolderman’sgrip.

Pennexhaledhard,hisfaceetchedwiththingsIdesperatelywantedtounderstand.Hisposturehad

somehowlostitssedatesoftness,mimickingagranitestatue.Hismouthatightline.Hisfistscurledrocks.

Tearinghisgazeawayfrommine,hevisiblystruggledtosmile.Heshovedhishandsintohispockets

inamixtureofdefianceandself-protection—justlikeanotherI’dknownonceuponatime.“Hi,Larry.”

Ijolted.
Larry.
SothisisLarry.
Myhabitofstudyingpeoplewhowereeitherinbusinessorinsomewayadvantageoustomecame

back.IguessedLarrywasinhismid-sixtieswithsaltandpepperhair,stockybuild,andintelligence
brimmingbehindblackframedglasses.HelookedatPennwithutmostfondnessandpride.

Penntookastepbackfromme.
Invisibleropessnapped,untetheringuswithpainfulricochets.

Mypreviousconfessionvanishedasifit’dneverbeen,destinednevertobeclarifiedordenied.
Clearinghisthroat,Pennregroupedandperformedsocialniceties.“Larry,thisisNoelleCharlston.

Elle,thisisLarryBarns.Mybenefactor.”

Twoanswersinone.
LarryandInodded,extendinghandstoshake.Hisgripwaswarmfromholdingtheairplane,his

fingersgruffbutkind.“Pleasure.I’veheardalotaboutyou.”

MyeyeswidenedasIflickedaquickglancetoPenn.When,how,andwhywouldPenndiscussthis

sorryexcuseofarelationship?Whywouldhetalktoanotheryetnevertalktome?

Becauseyou’rejustagirlinhisbed.Thismanshareshislifeandsecrets.
I’dneverbeenajealousperson,butIsuddenlyunderstoodthegreenacrimonyknowingPennwould

neverletmeinlikeLarry.ThatIwaswastingmytime—timeI’dstupidlyspentwhenI’dpromisedmyself
myheartwasimpartialtowhateverPennconjured.

JumpinginbeforePenncould,Isaid,“Happytomeetyou,too.I’veheardyournameinpassing.”A

smallpartofmewantedtohurtPenn;toruinwhatevertaleshe’dtoldthismanaboutme.“Imustclarifya
fewthingsupfront.I’mnotengagedtoPennandhavenointentionofeverdoingso.”

Larrychuckled.“Oh,Iknowyou’renotengaged.”
Itookastepback.“Ah,well,I’mglad.Iwasn’tawarewhatrenditionofliesPennhadtoldyou.”
Pennhadthedecencytoflinch.“Imightnothaveethicsaspureasyou,butIdon’tlietoLarry.Ever.”
Theysharedalookthatweighedwithcountlessyears,trials,andconfidentiality.
Theintimacymademeuncomfortable.Notbecausetheywerelovers,likeI’dthought,butbecause

theywerefatherandsonineverysenseoftheword.Itdidn’tmattertheyhaddifferentlastnamesandmost
likelyblood—familywascreatednotborn.

Myeyesfelltotheboystillhankeringafterhisremotecontrolairplane.Hishairtousledinthewind,

hiseyesbrightandhappy.

Stewiewaspartofthatfamily.Soon—accordingtoPenn—he’dbelegallypartofitifitweretrue

aboutanadoption.Butthatdidn’thelpunscramblemyotherquestions.IfPennwasadoptingStewie,did
thatmeanheknewStewie'smotherandfeltobligated?Perhaps,LarrywastheoneadoptingandnotPenn?
WouldthatmakeStewiehisbrother?

Whattitlesdideachhaveinthisweirdfamilydynamic?Myheadhurttryingtofigureitout.
Stewietuckedthecontrollerunderhisarm,reachingfortheairplaneinLarry’shold.“Ifyouguysare

gonnastandaroundtalking,I’mgonnaflyBumbleBee.”Intypicalboyfashion,hehadn’tacknowledged
meornoticedtheheavytensionbetweentheadults.

Itookadeepbreath,ignoringthemenandfocusingontheboy.“YourplaneiscalledBumbleBee?”
Stewienodded.“Yup.”Hepointedatthetailwhereahandpaintedbeeinitsblackandyellowglory

glowed.

“Wow,verycool.Betithoversreallywell.”
“Nah,itsoars.”Stewiegrinned.Today,hewasn’tinthesuitPennhadhadtailoredforhim.Instead,he

worejeansandagreent-shirtwiththeslogan,Idon’tthinkoutsidethebox.Inevergotinit.

Hisinnocencetuggedatapieceofme.Ienviedhimalittle.EnviedhimforbeingapartofPenn’slife

—knowinghiminawayIdidn’tandprobablyneverwould.Evenifwedidgiveourconnectionachance,
howcouldIeverbesurewhathetoldmewasthetruth?

Larryasked,“Didyouhaveagoodlunchtogether?”
IraisedaneyebrowatPenn,lettinghimanswerthat.Hemuttered,“Itendedsoonerthanitshould’ve.”
Inoddedathisreply.“Itdid.Butforvalidreasons.”
Larryrubbedhisjaw,brushinggraybristlesfromnotshavingthismorning.“Ah,Isee.”Hesmiled.

“Well,IhavenodoubtPennwillmakeupforit,Elle.Youdon’tmindifIcallyouElle,doyou?”

Ishookmyhead.“No,it’sfine.”

“Comeon...canIfly?”Stewieshuffledonthespot,eyeingtheopengrassjustdownthepath.
Larrychuckled.“Yes,yes,impatientone.Let’sgo.”
Stewiewhoopedandshotoff,carryingthemassiveplanelikehewouldanoversizepuppywithhis

armswrappedtight.

“You’rewelcometocomeandwatch,”Larryinvited,motioningformetojoinhim.
Myfirstinstinctwastoshakemyheadandbackaway.“Oh,no,that’sallright.”
ButPennsteppedcloser,hiseyesdazzlinginthesun.“Come.”
Heblindedme.Dumbfoundedme.Didhealwayslooksoresplendent,sopersuading?Orwasitthe

warmthofthesunshineandthefactmybodyheatedwithnowfamiliarneed?Inolongerhadskinbuta
mapofdesirethatneededtobetouched.“Idon’tknow—”

“Youwantanswers,butyou’retooafraidtochasethem.”Hesteppedback,withdrawinghis

overpoweringintensityformetogowiththem.“Ithoughtyouknewhowtofightharderthanthat.”

Hisvoicedeepenedonthewordfight.
Myearstwitched.
Washeadmittingtosomething?
Orwasitmemerelyreadingintothingsagain?
“Comeon,Elle.Tenminutes.What’stheharm?”Larrygrinned.“I’dbehonoredtoenjoyyour

companyalittlelonger.”

Mywillpowerfizzled.
Ifoundmyselfnodding.“Okay.”

ChapterTwenty-Nine

STEWIEWASRIGHT.

BumbleBeedidsoar,climbingpastthetreelineintotheceruleanbluehorizon.
“He’sdonethatafewtimes.”Isquintedupward,myhandshieldingmyeyesfromtheglare.
“Hehas.Itwashisbirthdaypresentafewmonthsago.Everychancehegets,hepractices.”Larry

clappedasStewieexecutedaperfectswandiveandrecovery.“He’sobsessiveaboutthingshewants.
Doesn’tletitgountilhe’sperfectedwhateveritishe’schasing.”

PennstoodontheothersideofLarry,closedofftome,usingtheexcusetowatchStewie'saerobatics

toavoidlookingatme.

Stewieranforwardastheplanecaughtagustofairandwobbledmid-flight.Hedidn’tlookwherehe

wasgoingandtrippedoveratwiginthemiddleofthefield.

“Oh,no!”IslappedahandtomymouthasStewietoppledforward.
Penncharged.
Withspeednotquitehuman,hescoopedStewiemid-fallandswepthimaroundinacircleusinghis

inertiabeforeplacinghimonhisfeet.

Stewielaughed,high-fivedhim,andcontinuedflyinghisplaneasifnothinghadhappened.
Yeteverythinghadhappened.
Tome,atleast.
InthatmicrosecondwhenPenncaughtStewie,allshieldsweredown.Hewasyounger,older,kinder,

crueler,innocent,andguiltyallatonce.IsawhintsofwhatIdaren’tbelievewaspossible.Myhearttook
overandhammeredwithhope.

Eachthudwasaquestion.
Whatif?
Whatif?
Whatif?
WhatifPennwasNameless?
WhatifLarryhadsomehowfoundhim,savedhimfromprison,anddonewhatI’dfailedtodo?
Whatifhe’dcomebackforme?
Butifthatwastrue,whywashesomean?Whysoclosedoffandimpenetrable?We’dfeltsomething

thatnight.Somethingrealifonlysofleeting.Whypunishme?

Wouldyoulistentoyourself?
You’remakingupstoriesthathavenoearthlywayofbeingtrue.
You’reworsethanDisneywithyouridealsoftrueloveagainstanyodds.
Thisisreality,Elle!
Larryinterruptedmyinnerscalding.“Pennsaidyouhavequestionsthathehasn’tansweredyet.”
Istartled.“Headmittedtothat?”
“Ofcourse.We’reopenaboutmostthings.”
“That’sanhonorablething.”Iknittedmyfingerstogether.“Hetoldmeyou’dcometoNewYorkfor

treatment.Judgingbyhowwellyoulook,Ithinkitworked.”

Larryranahandoverhisbristle-coveredjaw.“IhatethatIhadtoleanonhimsomuch.”Hissmile

wassad.“Nothinghasmorepowerthanseeingsomeoneyoucareaboutsickorgrieving.”Heshrugged

thesuddendysphoriaaway.“Butyou’reright.Thetreatmentworked.Thankgoodness.Iwasn’tprepared
toleavejustyet.IhavetoomanythingstodobeforeIgo.”

“Things?”
“Peopleandthings.”Hesmiledsecretively.“Mywork,andnowPenn’s,isneverdone.”
Mybraindriedup.Ihadnoreply.Ididn’tknowwhathemeantorhowtoaskforclarification.
“Pennmentionedhe’dtakenyoutothenewbuildinghejustbought.Whatdidyouthink?”Larry

promptedwithanewbutjustasaggravatingsubject.

“WhatdidIthink?”
“Allthatspace.It’sexciting,isn’tit?”
“Spacetodowhat?”
Larrywinked.“He’lltellyou.It’snotmysecrettoruin.”Helookedatmepointedly.“Iseeyou

struggling.Ifmysuggestionmeansanything—whichIknowisaskingalot,seeingasyoudon’tknowme—
butifyouwanttoknowhim,givehimachance.Itisn’twhatyouthink.Andyou’llneedanopenmindto
accept.Butwe’reallalittlecorrupt,doingourbesttofitintoaworldthat’sbrokenbutstilldemands
perfection.”

“What—whatdoyoumeanbythat?”
“Imeanthievescanbecomesaints.Saintscanbecomethieves.Mostofusdeserveasecondchance.”
Pennlookedupatthatmoment,hisdarkgazetargetingmine.Hehalf-smiled,hishandsloosebyhis

sides,hisbodystraightbutnotasstiffasbefore.Withoutthinking,heplacedhispalmonStewie’s
shoulderashebumpedintohim,racingbelowBumbleBeenotlookingwherehisfeetweregoing.

Thatsimplecaress—soexpectedandwantedwasenoughtocrackmyalreadyfracturedshell.
Penn’shairwasnolongershinywithsunlightbutcoveredwithablackbaseballcap.EitherStewie

hadgivenittohim,orhe’dhadithiddeninapocket.Eitherway,itshieldedhiseyes,andIsawanother
scenarioIdidn’twanttosee.

Penncouldeasilybenoone.Hecouldbesomeone.Hecouldbepainorhappinessorheartbreak.
Thatwastheproblem.
HowwasIsupposedtofallforaliar?
Blindly?
Trustingly?
Notatall?
Ineededtime.
Ineededspace.
Ineedtothink.
“Itwaslovelytomeetyou,Larry.”ItoremygazefromPenn’sandsmiledattheoldergentleman.

“I’vegottogo.”

IleftbeforePenncouldchangemymindforthesecondtime.

ChapterThirty

SAGECURLEDUPonmylapasIsippedaglassofsparklingapplejuiceandstaredatsomeTVprogram
Ihadn’tpaidattentiontoforthepasttwohours.

EversinceleavingCentralPark,I’dbeeninafogIcouldn’tshake.
I’dreturnedtoworkbuthadbeenabsolutelyhopeless.Stevehadfoundmeheadingintomyofficeand

askedhowGregandIwere.Heactedasifhedidn’tknowhissonhadthreatenedme,andIdidn’twantto
flippantlytellhiminaBelleEllehallway.Ischeduledameetingwithhimnexttimehewasfreeto
discussaleashforhiswildheathenofason.

Dadhadn’treturnedtotheofficeaftertherestaurant,Fleuransweredmyurgentemailsonmybehalf,

andforthefirsttimesinceIhadmyappendixouttwoandhalfyearsago,Iclaimedhealthreasonsand
headedhometodomybesttogetmyheadonstraight.

Gregworriedme.
Dadconcernedme.
Steveannoyedme.
AndPenn...Pennclaimedmythoughtsinmyhomeasmuchashehadintheparkoratmyoffice.
Myhearthadaboxwiththreedifferentpuzzlesmixedupinside.Thepiecesweretangled,theiredges

abletofittogethertoformanincorrectFrankensteinofthreescenes,butunlessthethreepuzzleswere
separated,noneofthemweretrue.

Puzzleone:Pennwasnobodybutasuccessfulbusinessmanwhowasboredandlikedtolie.
Puzzletwo:PennwasNamelessandtreatingmewithcontemptbecause...?
Puzzlethree:Ihavenoideawhat’spuzzlethree.
“WhatamIdoing,Sage?”Icuddledherclose,drawingcomfortfromherwarmthandfamiliarity.

“I’vesleptwiththeguyonce,andIsuddenlycan’tstopthinkingabouthim?Isthatnormalbehavior?No
wonderloveisfrownedupon.It’saworkaholic’snightmare.”

Shepurred,notevenbotheringtoopenhereyesandanswerme.
Aknockreverberatedthroughmyapartment.Forasecond,IthoughtitwastheTV,butthenitcame

againfrombehindme.

Thedoor.
Someoneisatmyfrontdoor.
Theonlypeoplewhoevervisited(makethatperson)wasDad.
Nooneelse.
Don’tletitbehim.Please.
Theknockcameagain.
Andagainafewsecondslater.
“Thisisn’tfair,”IbreathedintoSage’sfurasIscoopedherintomyarmsandclimbedoffthecouch.

EverystepItooktowardthefrontdoorsentmyheartchuggingaproverbialwinebottleuntilIwobbled
withfakeintoxication.

Lookingthroughthepeephole,Pennstoodsmartindifferentclothesthanthisafternoon’slunchdate.

He’dputonlight-coloredjeansandawhitelongsleevet-shirtthatsentmylibidomelting.

“Idon’thaveanythingtosaytoyou.”Ihopedhecouldhearmethroughthedoor.“Please,goaway.”

“I’mnotleaving.Openup.”Heheldupabrownpaperbagwithagoldembossedlogoontheside.

“I’vebroughtdessert.”

Dessert?
Itwastenp.m.onaweek-day.Mostnormalpeoplehadfinishedeatingbynowandwerewinding

downforbed.

ShiftingSageintoonearm,Ireluctantlyopenedthedoor.“Bribingmewithsugarwon’twork.”
“Areyousureaboutthat?”Hesmirked.“Youopenedthedoor,didn’tyou?”
Iscowledashesteppedoverthethresholduninvited.“Onlytotellyoufacetofacetogoaway.”
“Tellmeafterwe’vehadasugarfix.”
Igrumbledundermybreathandshutthedoor.Followinghimintomykitchen,Itookpityonhimthis

timeandmotionedtowardthesheerwallwhereasimplepushopenedthecupboardholdingthecutlery.

Hefoundtheutensils,grabbedtwospoons,thenskirtedaroundmeandheadedtowardthecouch.

Droppinghisweightintothecomfywhiteleather,heplacedthebrownpaperbagontheglasscoffeetable
andpulledouttwocontainersofchocolatemousse.

TheemblemofthebakerywasfromtheGildedCocoa.Ahighmarketdelicatessenthatservedthebest

pastriesandconfectioneryinNewYork.

Fine,Iwouldadmit.Hehadgoodtaste.
Sagedecidedshe’dhadenoughattentionandleapedfrommyarms.Landingonfourdaintyfeet,she

tookoffintomybedroomwherenodoubtshewouldclaimmypillowlikeshedideverynight,tellingme
innouncertaintermsthatmybedwasactuallyhers.

“Areyougoingtohaveoneofthese,orareyougoingtomakemeadiabetic?”Pennglancedoverhis

shoulder,eyeingmyblackmaxidress.

I’dmadethemistakeofshoweringwhenIgothome—hopingitwouldrelaxme—thendressinginmy

comfiestpieceofclothing.

Withnounderwear.
Ididn’twanttoeatmoussewithPenninmyapartmentwithnounderwearon.
“Sit,Elle.Forfuck’ssake.”
“Don’tswear.”Ishuffledaroundthecouchandtookastiffseatbesidehim.
“Don’ttellmewhattodo.”
“Don’tturnupuninvitedtomyapartment.”
“Don’tfuckingaskquestionsyou’renotpreparedtoheartheanswersto.”
Webreathedhard,fistsclenched,fireglowinginourveins.
Reachingforthechocolate,Pennshovedaglasscontainerintomyhandandjabbedaspoonintothe

other.“Eat.Thenifmycompanyissogoddamnrepulsive,I’llleave.”

“Idon’tevenwantdessert.”
“Christ,youtestme.”Shiftingcloser,hestolethespoonhe’donlyjustgivenme,scoopedupa

decadentsizedmouthfulofchocolate,andpresseditagainstmylips.“Takeit.”

Ipressedmymouthtogether.Thescentofrichcocoaandcreammademytastebudstingle,butI

wasn’trefusingthesweet—IwasrefusinghimforreasonsIcouldnolongertrulyremember.

Hesmearedthechocolateovermylips,paintingmewithediblelipstick.“Open,Elle.”Hecouldn’t

tearhiseyesaway,hischestrisingandfallingthemoreheteasedmewiththedessert.“Open,justonce.”

Hisvoicethrobbedwithsuddenneed.
Ireactedtohislust,inhalingquickly,openingjustenoughforhimtoslipthespoonintomymouth.The

momentthecoldmetalhitmytongue,andtherichnessofchocolatemoussesangonmytastebuds,I
moanedalittle.

Hisjawclenchedashewithdrewtheutensil,leavingthemorselbehindformetosuck.Ididn’tchew.

Iletitdissolveandinfiltratemybloodwitharushofsweet,sweetsugar.

“Again.”Hisvoicenolongerresembledamanbutabeastachingforsex.Mynippleshardened

beneathmydressasIobeyedwithoutquestionthistime.

Theheatinthelivingroomincreasedbyathousanddegrees.Hescorchedmewitheverymove,stare,

andcommand.

Lustwasn’tjustaword;itwasanaxethatcutallchainsofpropriety.Itwasthegunthatshotcommon-

sensedead.Lustwasakidnapperandkillerallinone.

Gatheringmorechocolate,hesuckedthespoonclean,histongueflashingouttomakesurehecaught

everylastdrop.Thefacthesharedmyspoon,lickedmyspoondidcrazythingstomytummy.

Anotherscoopofchocolate.
Thistime,heinchedcloser,placingthecontaineronthecoffeetableandgrabbingmynapewithhis

freehand.Holdingmesteady,hepressedthemoussetomymouth,breathinghard.

Iopenedforhim.
Heplacedthedessertonmytongue.
Isuckedthesweetnessoff.
Hewithdrewthespoon.
Hedidn’tgivemeachancetoswallow.
Hisfingerstightenedaroundmyneck,jerkingmeforward.Itumbledintohim,mymouthopeningin

surprise,hislipssmashingagainstminewithviolence.

Histonguemetmine,thechocolatethickandcloyingandrifewithmemoriesofanotherchocolate

kiss.

Nameless.
I’dbeenfightingforsolong.Toolong.Icarriedguilttooheavy.Iwallowedinshametoogreat.

KissingPennwhilemyheartremainedinthepastwithanotherchocolatekisserunraveledme.

Thelongday.
Theangst,theworry,theunknown.
Isnapped.
Throwingmyselfintohisarms,Iintensifiedthekissuntilourteethsmashedandviolencewasthe

themenotdesire.

Hefoughtback,lettinghimselfgo.
Hishandstoreatmydress,findingthestrapsonmyshouldersandshovingthemdowntoimprisonmy

armswhilefreeingmybreasts.

Shovingmebackward,heinstantlysmotheredmewithhisbody.“Youwantthis?Youwanttofucking

dothis?”

Inodded,unhinged.“Yes,fuckme.Don’tholdback.”
“Jesus,Ican't.Ican’tholdbackanymore.”
Itwasmessy,sugarriddled,andfullofthingsweneededtosay,butwehadnotimeorrationalityleft

totalk.

Shovingmydressup,hefoundIwasn’twearingunderwear.
Helostthelastshredofdecency.“Fuck,Elle.Just—fuck.”Hecrushedme,hismouthsuffocating

mine,histastebecomingthatofchocolateandsin.Hisfingersfoundmywetness.Hisbodyconvulsedas
hejammedhiserectionintomythigh.

Ididn’twaitforinstructions.
Grabbinghisbelt,Iundidtheloops,unzippedhisfly,andsankmyhandintohistightboxer-briefsto

grasphishotlength.

Hisbackturnedrigidashepressedintomypalm.
Twofingersspearedintome,fillingmefastandhard.
Icriedout.

Hesilencedmewithyetanotherdangerouskiss.
Histhumblandedonmyclit,rubbingmeincircleswhilehisfingersrockedagainstmyG-spot.
Everythinglockedtight.Thequiveringneedbuiltandbuilt.Thedesiretosnapmylegsclosedmade

mesquirmbeneathhim.

“Condom.Backpocket,”hesnarled,workingmehard.
Somehow,Imanagedtoslipmyhandintohisjeansandfindthecondom.Ishatteredbetweenlivingin

thebrewingorgasmandforcingmyselftoremainsaneenoughtowraphiminlatexsohecouldfuckme.

Thethoughtofhimreplacinghisfingersandjusthowincrediblygooditwouldfeelwastheonlything

thatkeptmecoherentenoughtoripopenthepacket,rolldowntheslipperyprotection,andsheathhim.

Henippedmyneck,shovingmyhandawayandwedginghimselfbetweenmylegs.
“Youdon’tgettorunfromthis.Notagain.”Hethrust.
Hedidn’tlineuportakemegently.
Onemoment,weweretwopeople.
Thenext,wewereone.
Mybodyscreamedashesplitmeinhalf.
Thensobbedastheorgasmhe’dconjuredturnedintosomethingwithserratedbladesforteethand

sharp,sharpbliss.

“Lookatme.”Hedroveintomeagain.“Lookatmeifyou’regoingtocome.”
Thetighteninghurriedinsideme.Hishipspumpedintomine,ourclothingforgotteninourrushtojoin.
Mygazelockedwithhis,imprisonedforeternitybythefiercetriumph,theepicguilt,thetangledlies

hewebbed.

Iwasnolongerashyvirgin.Iwasnolongerameekwoman.IwaspastanyshameImightendureby

lettinggoandlivingentirelyinthismoment.“Fuckme.Please.”

“Come.ThenIwill.”
Howhadhecompletelypossessedme?Howwasithe’dclaimedmesoIwoulddoanythingheasked,

beanythinghewanted?”

Pleasurebuiltintoasupernova,roaring,pulsing,demandingtopulverizeintostars.
Hethrustagain,angerpaintinghisface.“Givein,Elle.You’remine.”Hishipskeptpunishing,adding

punctuationtohiseroticism.“Youknowit.Ifuckingknowit.Soletmefuckingclaimyou.”

Iclosedmyeyes.Icouldn’tlookathim.Icouldn’tlethimseethatIwantedtoletgo.Thatallmylife

ofbusinesswheelinganddealingwasnothingcomparedtowhatthisfeltlike.ButIdidn’ttrusthim.And
trustwastoobigaproblemtoignore.

Icouldneverjustlistenandnotquestion.I’dneverbeabletofullyletgo,openup,andstopsearching

forhissecrets.

Butthatconclusioncouldbesharedafter.
Rightnow,Iwouldobeybecauseitmeantwe’dbothfindmutualhappinessifonlyforafeworgasmic

seconds.

Then...Iwouldshowhimthedoor.
Forgood.
Hishipsdroveintome.“Stopthinking.Letmeinsideyou.”
Itookitfiguratively,openingmylegswider.
HisprimalgrowlechoedinmychestasIgaveintohim.Iwentsupple,submittingentirely.Heangled

himselfhigher,somehowswoopingupright,hoistingmeintohisarmswhilestillfillingmedeep.

Sittingonhiskneesonthecouch,hecradledmeinhisarmswhilemylegsdrapedeithersideofhim.

Hisfingersbecamewhite-knuckledastheylockedaroundmyhips,keepingmewedgedasfardownhis
cockashecould.

Hisheadfellforwardashewatchedusfucking.Slowing,hiscockpulsedinsideme,draggingoutthe

pleasuretoagonizingjoy.

“Oh,God,yes...likethat.”MybodyturnedlimpasIfocusedcompletelyinward.Hesupportedmeas

hediditagain,slowlylearningmeasIlearnedhim,tradingourdictionaries,ourthesauruses,making
senseofthisnewlanguagewe’ddeveloped.

“Please,Penn,”Iwhimperedasthebillowingorgasmbecameaphysicalentity.Itwasparthuman,

partwind,partocean.Itneededsomewheretogo,someonetoexplodefor.

“Fuck,Iloveitwhenyoubeg.”Hislipslatchedontomine.Wekissedhungrily.Wekissedsavagely.

“Doitagain.”

Ididn’thesitate.“Please.Pleasemakemecome.Ineedtocome.”
Hisgripbruisedmeashethrustup,sendingmybreastsbouncing.
Mythoughtsscattered,mynerveendingstrembled,myentirebodyclenched.“I’msoclose.God,

please...”

“Come,Elle.Fuckingcome.”
Mybreathingstopped.
Theworldturnedsparklyandgray.
Icouldn’tholdoffanymore.
Mybrainturnedtosoundsratherthanwords.
Mybodyturnedtoliquidratherthanbones.
Icame.
IcameandcameasPennfuckedmeasruthlesslyandasthoroughlyasanyhot-bloodedlover.
ThemomentIfinished,helookeddown,shovingasidethebunchedmaterialofmydress,hypnotized

byhiscockdrivingintome.“Fuck,yes.This—thisistruthrighthere,Elle.”

Hishandroamedtomybreast,clutchingmyfleshwithpassionborderingonpain.
Grabbingmyhair,hedroveintomeharder,harder.Hisroaraddedgasoline,andIplummetedstronger

andfasterthaneverbefore.Mybackbowedashepulledmyhairwithaviciousyank.

“Shit,takeit.Takeme.Takeeverything.”Hiswordsscrambledwithgruntsashechasedmeoffthe

cliff.

Hisorgasmquakedhisbody,hisforeheadsmashingagainstmyshoulderasheemptiedhimself.
Hedidn’tlookupforalongmoment.Hisbreathingraggedandlost.
Istrokedhishair,calminghimeventhoughIneededcalmingmyself.
Timelostallmeaningasweslowlyreturnedtoearthanddisengaged.
Icouldn’tlookhimintheeyeashepulledofftheusedcondomandplaceditinthebrownpaperbag

themoussehadcomefrom.

Standing,hetuckedhimselfawayanddiduphistrousers,followedbyfasteninghisbelt.Once

presentable,herakedahandthroughhishair.

“Tomorrownight.”
Ilookedup,smoothingmydress,stillshiveringfromorgasmaftershocks.“What?”
“Ifyouhaveanyplans,cancelthem.”Hestrodearoundthecouch,pausinginthemiddleofmy

apartment.“You’recomingwithme.Dressinsilver.I’llpickyouupatBelleElleatseven.”

Heleftmealonewiththechocolatemousseandmycrazyconclusions.

ChapterThirty-One

ALLDAYI’Dstruggledbetweenworkingandreminiscingaboutsex.

Iwassoreagain,entirelyfocusedonPenneverytimeImoved,andmybodyclenchedfrombeing

used.He’dconsumedmeandutterlyconfusedme.

Whychocolate?
Whykissmewithchocolate?
IhatedthatInowhadtwoexperienceswithdessertandkissing.
Thetwomemoriesdidtheirbesttomingle,toconvincemethatPennwasNamelessandNameless

wasPenn.

Ididn’thaveapictureofPenn,andGooglehadnothingonhim—nocompanyprofile,noFacebook

account.IwantedtostareintohisfaceandforcemybraintorecallNameless.Todeletethescruffybeard
anddarkdreadlocks—toseeiftherewasanychance(nomatterhowsmall)thatthedistinguishedcocky
businessmancurrentlyseducingmewasthatragamuffinfrommypast.

*****

Bytheafternoon,Iwassemibacktonormal.TherewerenoerotictextsfromPenn,nopop-insfromGreg,
andtheback-to-backmeetingswithJapanwholesalersandanewsupplierofhandbagsinBeijingmeantI
couldremainfocusedonthingsIknew,ratherthanthingsIdidn’t.

Aroundnoon,DadbroughtmeachickenCaesarsaladandkissedmyforeheadlikeIwasstillhis

twelve-year-oldprotégée.Hestaredatmeasifhewasawedandalittleafraid.“Twothings.Ifyoustill
wantmetohireaprivateinvestigator,Iwill—foryourpeaceofmind.”

“Thankyou.”Ipattedhishand,gratefulbutnotasgung-hoasIthoughtI’dbeaboutsnoopinginto

Penn’sbackground.

“Andtwo,”Dadcontinued.“Gregcorneredmethismorning.”
Myheartpickedupaswordwhilemyvoiceremainednonchalant.“Oh?”
“Hesaidyouguyshaveagreedtogotodinnertonight.”
Iexhaledwithfrustration.“Ididnothingofthesort.”Decidingnowwouldbeagoodtimetotellhim

howwaryI’dbecomeofGreg,Iadded,“He’snotassuaveandsophisticatedasyouthink,Dad.”Ifought
myshiver.“Hesaidsomeprettynastythingstomeyesterday.Iwasn’tcomfortable.”

Dad’seyesbecamesnipers.“Hedid?”Herubbedhisjaw.“ImustadmitIthoughtitwaslowofyouto

datePennyetseeGregontheside.Ishould’veknownyou’dneverdosuchathing.”

“Themaleracecoulddieout,andIstillwouldn’tentertaintheideaofGregbeingdateable.”
Hesighed.“I’mbeginningtoseethat.I’msorryIpushedyouintosomethingyou’renothappyabout.”
“It’sfine.Butwouldyoudomeafavorandhavemybacknexttimehetriestodoanything?”
Dadnoddedfiercely.“Absolutely.I’llhaveawordwithStevethatyou’rewithPennnow,andevenif

youweren’t,youguysareoldenoughtosetyourselfupwithoutmeddlingoldmatchmakerswhodon’t
haveacluewhatthey’redoing.”

TheheavyweightI’dbeencarryingforyearsslowlychippedoffmyshoulders,becomingmanageable

insteadofmountainous.“Thankyou.”

“Don’tmentionit.Ijustwantyoutobehappy.That’sallI’veeverwanted,BellButton.”

Hestoodandheadedforthedoor.Hesmiledsadly.“IknowyouwantanswersaboutwhoPennis

beforeyougivehimachance,butifI’velearnedanything,it’sthatloveisthebiggesttruththereis.”He
shrugged.“Alltherest—thequestionsandworries—it’salljustnoise.”

HeclosedthedoorbeforeIcouldreply,leavingmetomylunch.

*****

Bythetimesixp.m.rolledaround,mybackachedfromspendingtheafternoonhunchedovermylaptop,
andmyeyeshurtevenafterwearingmyglasses.

Fleurbargedintomyofficewithyetanotherdresswrappedinaclearprotectivebag.“Timetoget

ready,remember?”

Ituggedmyglassesdownmynose,pinchingthebridge.“Huh?IthoughtIwasfinishedfortheday.”
“Youare.Youhavethatsevenp.m.thingwithyourfiancé,remember?”
Igroaned.“Ugh,don’tcallhimmyfiancé.”
“Heis,though,right?”Herfaceslippedwithdoubt.Iwantedtobetheonetofillherwithtruth,butI

wastiredandcranky,andI’dhadenoughfortheday.Idecidedtotakethemorediplomaticapproachand
ignoreherquestion.

VaguememoriesofPenn’sinvite—orcommand—aboutmejoininghimtonightcameback.I’dstupidly

mentionedittoFleurwhenI’darrivedthismorning.

Istoodup,nervesjoiningmybloodtostreamaroundmyheart.Ididn’twanttogo.Iwasmentally

exhausted.

Drapingthedressoverthecouch,sheplacedaBelleElleshoppingbagbesideit.“Insidearesome

heels,hairaccessories,andashawl.Ialsotookthelibertiesofbringingupsomelingerieforyoutoo.”

Irolledmyeyes.“Youknowwaytoomuchaboutme.Idon’tknowifI’mcomfortablewithyou

knowingmybrasize.”

Shewaveditaway.“Youknowallyoursecretsareminetokeep.”Marchingtothedoor,sheadded,

“Givemeacallifyouneedhelpwithyourmakeupandhair.I’mjustfinishingthespringcatalogmock-up
beforeheadinghome.JackistakingmeouttoMexican,andIcan’tbelate.”

Itwasn’tthefirsttimeshe’dmentionedherboyfriendorlifeoutsideofBelleElle,butforsome

reason,tonightithithome.Shehadalife.Shehadsomeonetoshareitwith.Wasitsowrongofmeto
samplethat?WhatmadePennEverettsuchabadchoice?Andwashebadorwasitallinmyhead?Why
wasItryingtotwisthimintoanother?Namelesswasgone.

It’stimeIgrewupandgavehimachance.
“Thankyouforthedress.”
“Noproblem.”Shesmiledanddisappeared.
Stridingtothecouch,Iunzippedthebag,pulledoutthesoftestsilvergownI’deverseen,andheaded

intomyprivatebathroomtoshowerandprepare.

*****

Penn(06:55p.m.):I’mdownstairs.Iwon’tcomeupbecauseifIdo,I’llfuckyouinyourofficeandthen
we’llbelate.Comedown.

Islammedmyphonedown—partlybecauseofthesuddenshakesatseeinghimagainandpartly

becauseofhisrudeness.

Staringatmyselfinthemirror,Isecond-guessedkeepingmyhairlooseeventhoughI’dsecureditto

thesidewithaclipintheshapeofacrescentmoondecoratedwithmirroredmosaics.

Fleurhadonceagainchosenastunningdress.Thesilverandwhitelingeriebeneaththedressadded

secrecytomyoutfitthatImayormaynotshowPenn.Thethicksatingowncoveredmybodywithsleeves
drapinglikewingsdownmyarmswiththeoff-the-shoulderstyle.Thelengthcametomid-calfwithacres
ofmaterialreadytoflareoutattheslightestmovement.

IlookedasifI’dsteppedintothemoonandcomeoutwearingitsmetallicessence.
Penn(07:00p.m.):You’relate.
MyteethgroundtogetherasIscoopedmyphoneintothelittlesilverbeadedbagandleftmybathroom.

Sagelookedupfromherspotonthecouch,meowingsoftly.Ipaddedovertoherwheremyheelswere.I
kissedthetopofherhead.“I’mgoingtomissyou,butyoucan’tcome.”

Shepoutedasiftosaythere’dbeenmultipleeventsshewasn’tinvitedtothesepastfewweeks.
Scratchingherunderthechin,Ipromised,“Dadwillcomeandpickyouup.Youcanspendthenightat

thebrownstoneandexplorethegardenratherthanbestuckinthetopfloorapartment.Howaboutthat?”

Shegentlybitmyfingeringrudgingagreement.
“Seeyoulater,kitty.”Steppingfrommyoffice,Ilockedmydooranddouble-checkedIhadwhatI

needed.I’ddonemyownmakeupandwaspleasedwhenoneofthejanitorsdidadoubletakeatmy
smokyeyesandnudeglossedlips.

I’mlate,amI?
I’dshowhimIwouldn’tsimperandapologize.Iwasworthwaitingfor.
Takingtheelevatordown,IspottedtheblacklimousinebeforeIsawhim.
Pennstoodwithhisarmscrossedandbackrecliningagainsttheluxuryvehicle.Hedidn’tmoveasI

swipedmykeycardtoexitthelockedslidingdoors,andmyheelsclippedelegantlyacrossthesidewalk.

BelleElleglitteredbehindmewithwindowdisplays,richredawnings,andthebiggestsignonthe

blockblazingourbrandandpromise.

PennpressedhislipstogetherthecloserIgot,hisbodystiffening.Hedidn’treachoutandtouchme.

Hemerelysteppedsideways,openedthecardoor,andinclinedhisheadformetohopin.

Keepingeyecontactwithhim,Iobeyed,ensuringIgatheredupthedressandclimbedindemurely.

However,someinnerminxdecidedtorisetohischallengeandfightfirewithfire.

Iopenedmylegsalittle,flashinghimaquickglanceofthewhitegarterbeltholdingupsheer

pantyhoseandthesilverlacehidingtheplaceonlyhe’dtouched.

Heslammedthedoorsohardthelimousinerattled.
Nervousnessclimbedupmyspine,waitingforhimtowalktotheothersideandclimbin.Ijumpedas

hewrencheditopen,claimedtheseatbesideme,thenpunchedtheintercomtothedriverhiddenbehinda
blackwall.“TothePemberly.”

“Yes,sir,”thedriversaidasthecarmovedintomotionwithaswan-likeglide.Downtownmoved

pasttintedwindowswhiletrafficnoiseandcitysmellsinvadedtheinteriorthroughtheopenskyroof.

Still,Penndidn’tlookatme.
Hishandsfisted.Hisjawclenchedsotight,themusclesinhisthroatlookedasifthey’dshatter.
Ididn’tknowwhattodo.Hadhehadabadday?Washethatpissedatmeforbeinglate?
NotthatIwaslate.Hewasearly.
Ifhewantedtostewandnottalktome,thenfine.Icoulddothesame.Placingmyhandbagontheseat

betweenus,Isettledintotheleatherandglaredoutthewindow.

Asecondwentpast.
Barelyasecond.
BeforemyhandbagwentslammingtothefloorasPennswipeditaway.
“Whatonearth—”
Hislipsbruisedmine,hishandsgrabbingmywaist,draggingmeunceremoniouslyacrossthebackseat

andintohislap.

Heattackedmeineverysenseoftheword.
Weweresoclose.
Butitwasn’tenough.
Pushingoffhischest,Iswiveledfromdamselindistressinhisarmstoopeningmylegs,pushingmy

dressupmythighs,andstraddlinghim.

Hisgrowlechoedsolonganddeep,Ibecameinstantlywet.
“Christ,Elle.”Hestolemymouthagain,hishandscominguptocapturemyface,hisfingerstight

againstmynape,notgivingmeanyroomtorun.“You’resofuckingbeautiful.”

IletgoanddidwhatI’dwantedtodobutpretendedIdidn’t.Ibecameafullparticipant.I’dlethim

takemethefirstnight,allowingfirst-timejitterstosubdueme.Thesecondtime,I’dbeensweptawayby
chocolatememories.

Notnow.
Notagain.
Myhandsmimickedhis,cuppinghisfiveo’clockshadow,diggingmyfingernailsintohischeeks.
Hejoltedinmyhold,hislipstearingatmineasifhecouldeatme,biteme,consumeme.
Wegaveupourhumannessandturnedferocious.
Ilovedthewayhekissedme.IlovedthewayIkissedhimback.Ilovedthenoisesandhardnessand

rockingandtouchingandclawing.Iadoredhowmuggythelimobecame.Irelishedinhowmydressclung
tosweat-beadedskin.

Isuckedonhistongue,holdingittightashegroanedandthrustup,hishandsslammingontomyhipsto

pushmedownontohim.

Hisbodyrockedasifhewasalreadyinsideme,alreadypunishingmeforthingsIdidn’tunderstand.
Hiseagernessandviciousnessfedthewellinsidemethathadbeenemptyuntilhe’dbargedintomy

life.Thiswastruelust,andIwantedtodrowninthesensationofhavingthispowerful,secretiveman
comeapartbeneathme.

Hishandslidoffmyhipandupmyskirt.
Igaspedashefoundmysoakedunderwear.Heshovedittothesidewithasimpleflick.ThemomentI

wasbare,hethrustafingerinsideme,causingmybacktobenduntilIwassureI’dtoppleoffhislapifhe
didn’twrapalong,strongarmaroundmybackandclutchmehard.

“Fuckyou,Elle,”hepanted,insertingasecondfinger,stretchingme,stimulatingtheslightsoreness

fromlastnight.

“Fuckme?”Iblinkedhurtandturnedon.“Now,whatdidIdo?”
“You’rescrewingmeup,that’swhat.”Hismouthstoppedhisconfessionsbyonceagainseekingmine.

Myskinburnedfromhisbarely-therebeard,stingingfromfreshbruises.Withmykneeshugginghiships,I
deepenedthekiss,takingcontrol,lickinghistonguewithmine.

Hiswordsturnedonacarouselinsidemymind:‘You’rescrewingmeup.Screwingmeup.’Ididn’t

knowhow,butIwasglad.IwasgladbecauseI’dlearnedsomethingterribleaboutmyselfthankstohim.

ImightbelieveIwasawomanwithsinew,skeleton,andheartbeat,butinreality,mysoulcomprised

oftrustandmybonescalcifiedwithbelief—Iwasaflimsy,trustingthingwhocouldnolongertellifher
instinctsweretrueormasqueradingasridiculousdesperationforhope.

Pennyankedaway,digginghisfingersintomyhips.Heshovedmeback,teeteringmeonhisknees,

revealinghiserectionpushinguptightagainsttheflyofhissilvertuxedo.

I’dneverseenamandressedinsilverbeforebut,myGod,itsuitedhim.
Itbroughtoutthecinnamoninhiseyes,thehoneyinhishair,thecompassionhidingdeepwithin.
“Whatthefuckareyoudoingtome?”Hisgazecouldn’tholdmine,slippingovermybody,locking

ontomypushedasidepantiesandcore.“Itwasn’tsupposedtogoonthislong.”

“Whatwasn’t?”

“This.”Hisgroanwastorturedashisthumbpressedintomywetness.“Whateverthisis.”
Iquaked,fightingflutteringeyelids.“Youchasedme.”
“Wrong.”Histeethnippedmythroat.“Ihuntedyou.”
Truthlayinthattinyparagraph,butIcouldn’tdecipherit.
Findingcourageinhisundoing,Iranmyhandsdownhischest,headingstraighttohiscock.Hedidn’t

stopmeasIpoppedthefasteneronhissleektrousersandundidthezipper.

IbitmylipasIinsertedmyhandintohistightboxer-briefs,nevertakingmyeyesoffhisface.“I—I

wantyou.”

“Now?”HiseyesnarrowedthenwidenedasIranmythumboverhiscrown.
“Now.”
Herockedup,grabbingmyhandwithhisownandwrappingmyfingerstighter,usingmeforhis

pleasure.“Wedothis...wedoitmyway.”Heglancedatthesilverwatchonhiswrist—thesamewatch
he’dnotedwhenhe’dtoldmemytwominuteswereupwiththealmostblowjob.

Iswallowed.“Fine.”
“Doyoutrustme?”
Thecarkeptcoasting.Butmyheartslammedtoastop.
Thatquestion.
Anotherman,anothertime—samefourwords,identicaltwelveletters.
MylipspartedasIdoveintohisrichcoffeeeyes.Iwantedtodemandwhyhe’daskedthatatthis

exactmoment—thesamewayanotherhadaskedbeforehekissedme.

ButIcouldn’t.Icouldn’tshatterwhateverexistedinthislimousine.
Inoddedeversoslowly,pretendinghesitationwhilemymindracedwithpossibility.
“Yes...”
“Good.”Hegrunted,tearingmyhandsawayandshovingmeoffhislap.“Getonallfours.”
“What?”Myeyebrowsrose.Myhairclungtomyback,nodoubtturningsweat-dampandcurly.
“Youheardme.”Fistinghiscock,hepulledacondomfromhispocket,andwithjerkycontrol,rolled

itdownhislength.

Histhroatcontractedaseverylastbitoflightdisappearedfromhisface.“Fuckingturnaround,Elle.

Youstartedthis.I’llfinishit.”

“Ididn’tstartit.Youkissedme.”
“Butthenyoustraddledmeandmademeforgetsomethingveryimportant.”
“What’simportant?”
Hisjawhardened.“Noneofyourconcern.Now,turnaround.”Heslidofftheseat,slammingtohis

knees.Shovinghistrouserstomid-thigh,hetwirledhisfingerintheair,waitingformetoobeyandturn.

Ididn’twanttofaceawayfromhim.Ididn’tfeelsafenotbeingabletoseewhathewasabouttodo.

Butatthesametime,theideaofbeingtakensorusticandpuremademybreaststingleandanorgasm
alreadygatherinmybelly.

Withoutaword,Ikneeledinthelongrunwayofblackcarpetingwithbenchseatsoneitherside.Ihad

nosupporttoholdontoasthelimoturnedcorners.Ihadnowayofpreventingmyselffromsoaring
forwardifwecrashed.

IgaveuttertrusttoPennandhiscontrolofthesituation.
Myfingersdugintotheroughcarpet,alreadymourningtherunsinmysheerpantyhose.Nooneinthe

outsideworldwouldknowwhatwedidevenaswestoppedattrafficlightsanddrovepastpedestrians
carryingtheirgroceries.

Icriedoutashishandclampedonmyhip,tuggingmebackward.Thetipofhiscockfoundmy

entrance.

Itensedforhimtotakeme.Buthewaited,tantalizinglyclose.

Mybodyrockedback,forcinghiminsideafraction.
Hegrowledfrombehindme.“Youhavenoidea,Elle.Noidea.”
Thenhethrust.
Onefast,all-consuming,unapologeticthrust.
Ifellforwardontomyelbows.Mywristsweakfromtypingallday,Iwasunabletobraceagainsthis

power.Hishandslatchedaroundmywaist,keepingmyasshighanddrivingintome.

Ibreathedhard,inhalingscentsofleatherandcarfreshener,butmostofallhim.Hisdarkaftershave,

hisarousal,therichindescribablescentofPenn.

“Ineedyou,”hesnarled,thrustingfaster.“Ineedyousofuckingmuch.”
“Sotakemethen.”Myheadhungbetweenmyshoulders,forgettingeverythingbutwherewewere

joined.

Therewasnosorenessortenderness.Onlytherighteousfeelofhiminside,bruisingmeinalltheright

ways.Mybodyfistedaroundhim,alreadybandingwiththebeginningofarelease.

Hesmackedmythigh.“No,youdon’tgettocomeuntilIdo.”Hewasbreathless,sameasme.Hewas

possessed,sameasme.

Iwouldn’tneedtodrinktonight.
Iwasalreadydrunk.
Onhim.
“Goddammit,Elle.”Hepushedforward,drivingintomeashardashecould.Historsofellovermy

backwithsuchaheavygroanitpainedandexcitedme.Everythinghedidwaseroticandwicked.

Reachingbetweenmylegs,Igrabbedthebaseofhimashewithdrewtothrustbackinsideme.Hewas

hardasgranite;sohotandslippery.

HegruntedasIsqueezedhisballs,rollingtheminmyfingersuntilhebattedmyhandawayand

enteredmewithcrackingbrutality.

MybreathcaughtasItrembledbeneathhim.
“Lustmakesusdothemostterriblethings.”Histeethlatchedontomyneck,bitinghard,hiships

pistoningquick.“I’mgoingtocomesofuckingbad.”

Ididn’tknowifI’dbeentheonetoseducehim,buthe’dutterlydecimatedme.
Iwhimperedandmoaned,feelingtoofull,tooempty,tooused,tooprotected.Polaroppositesallat

once.MycravingincreaseduntilIbaredmyteethandfocusedeverynerveendingwherehepenetrated
me.

Iletgoofdecorumandplacedmyhandbetweenmylegs,rubbingmyclitasIbackeduphardintohis

nextthrust.Iplayedhisgame.Imethimfighting.Lusttingedthehumidair.Temptationcloakeduswith
everybreath.

Andthatwastheendforbothofus.
Hishandsflexedovermywaist.
Idaredlookback.
Hewasexquisite,hisgorgeousbodystrainingagainstthebindsofhistuxedo.Hedidn’tlookhuman,

justamanintendingtomateuntildeath.

Hisheadfellback,hislipstightagainstsecretsherefusedtoshare.
Aflareofpainfrominsidesettheunbearablepleasureintoafreefall.Irippledandsqueezed,mylegs

lockingagainstmyhandasIrubbedmyclitintimetohisthrustingcock.Nothingelsematteredbutthe
incessantwanttogiveintothisravaginghunger.

Itwastoogood.
Itwastoomuch.
Hegrabbedthebackofmyneck,risingontohiskneesashedroveintomewithshort,deepjerks.My

orgasmevolvedintoelasticboomerangs,bouncingdownthewallsofmypussy,tighteningandsplintering

untilIgaveupandfellcheekfirstagainstthecarpet.

Thetipofhiscockhitmetoohard,toohigh.Isquirmedtogetway,butheyankedmebackandjoined

meinthegoldenblissfulglow.Hequakedandquivered,comingdeepinsideme.

Epicaftershocksshookusaswestayedexactlywherewewere—aheapoffineryjoinedinplace.
Theoutsideworldslowlymadeanappearanceasthelimousineslowedandthedriver’sintercom

crackled.“We’rehere,sir.”

Pennslappedthebutton.“Giveusaminute.We’llgetourowndoors.Undernocircumstancesopen

them,gotit?”

“Gotit.”
IhadcarpetburnonmycheekandloosenessinjointsIcouldn’tevenname,butasPennslidoutofme

anddisposedofthecondomintoatissue,hegentlyhelpedmeupandpressedastingingkisstomy
delicateface.

“Christ,lookwhatIdidtoyou.”
Withinfinitesimalkindness,hegrabbedanothertissue,positionedmeontotheseatandkneltbetween

mylegs.WhenItriedtoclosethem,heopenedmykneesandkeptthemwidewithasternlook.Never
glancingaway,hewipedmeclean,slidmypantiesbackintoposition,andpulledmydressdown.

“Yougotawayeasy,Elle.Sofuckingeasy.”
Doinguphisfly,heranbothhandsthroughhishairthenopenedthedoorandsteppedout.

ChapterThirty-Two

THOSEFIRSTFEWstepsintothenightextravaganzaweresomeofthehardestI’deverwalked.

NotonlybecauseIachedinplacesoneshouldneveracheinpublicbutalsobecausePennshutdown.

He’dsaidthingsinthecarIwantedtochase.He’dslipped,andIwasanxioustoencouragehimtoslip
more.

AllIwantedtodowasfindaquietspotanddemandhimtoopenuptome,buthedidn’tgivemea

chance.

Grabbingmyhand,hesmiledandnoddedatpeoplemillingaroundtheentrance,tuggingmeinsidethe

opulenthotelballroomwherethefunctiontookplace.

Hundredsofpeoplelaughedandmingled,glitteringlikefallenstarsalldressedinsilver.Thetables

aroundtheperimeteroftheroomlookedlikeflyingsaucersadornedwithlaceandcrystalcandelabras.

“Youhaveachoice,Elle,”Pennmurmuredasheguidedmethroughthethicket.
Whenhedidn’tgivemetheoptionstogowiththechoice,Ifrowned.“Whatoptions?”
“Twothingsarehappeningtonightthatarenon-negotiable.”
Myfingerstensedinhis.“Idon’tagreetothingsIcan’tcontrol.”
Hesmirked.“Likeyouagreedtofuckme?Thatwasn’tinyourcontrol.”
Iswallowed,hatinghehadapoint.Thenagain,he’daskedmeifItrustedhim.He’dsought

permission,passingmethepowertodeny.

WhichIdidn’t.
Inursedthatlittleconclusion,givinghimthelimelight.
“Twothings.”Hesmiledroguishly.“Theonlythingyoucancontrolistheorderinwhichthey

happen.”

Pursingmylips,Iacceptedaglassofchampagneheliftedoffasilverplattercarriedbyawhite-

uniformedwaiter.

“Numberone,you’regoingtodrink.Iwantyoutipsy—likeyouwerethatnightyousaidyes.Iwant

youlooseandinhibitedandopentodoingwhateverIwant.”

Myswallowofchampagne—alreadybitterandnotwantedturnedsour.“Thatwasaone-timething.I

don’tdrinktoexcess.”

“Tonight,youdo.”Unthreadinghisfingersfrommine,hecuppedmyelbow,guidingmepasta

particularlybiggroupofminglers.“Ineedyouopen.”

“Why?”
“Becauseafterthisfunction,we’regoingtotalk.”
Itrippedinmyheels.“Talk?”
Hisforeheadfurrowed,hisnormallyhandsomefacemarkedwithfrustration.“Youwanttoknowwho

Iam,Elle?”Hemovedcloser,whisperinginmyearwithseductionandchicanery.“I’lltellyou.Butfor
youtoacceptthetruth,youhavetohaveanopenmind.”

Itookanothersipofchampagne—notbecauseofhisorderbutbecausemymouthshotdrywithnerves.

“WhydoIneedanopenmind?”Ipulledback,lookingintohisdarkbronzeeyes.“Whoareyou?”

“You’llfindoutsoonenough.”Rollinghisshoulders,hisvoiceclippedwithtension.“You’llgetyour

answers.Butonlyifyoudowhatyou’retold.”

Ibristledatthecondescendingremark.

“I’lltellyou,Elle,butitwon’tchangeathing.”Hecaressedmycheekwithsuddendevotion.“You've

beenminesincethemomentwemet,andyou'llstaymineuntilIletyougo.Anythingelse—allyour
arguments,denials,andrefusals—meannothingtome.”Heleanedforwarduntilournosesbrushed.
“RememberthatwhenItellyou.You'vealreadylost.Why?Becauseyouaremine.”

Ijerkedback,breathinghardandslightlyscared.
Heeitherdidn’tnoticeordidn’tcare.Lookingoverthecrowd—hisvisioneasilyafewinchestaller

thanmost—hemurmuredasifhehadn’tjustransackedmyworld,“Yourchoice.Eitherdrinknow...or...”

“Or?”
“OrI’llpermityoutokeepyourwitsuntilafteryou’vemetLarryagain.”
“Larry?”
Fromthepark?
Decidingtoannoyhim,Isaid,“Ah,yourfictionalhusbandslashbenefactor.”
“That’sstartingtogetold.”
Mycouragesprangfromnowhere,bolsteredbymonster-sizedcuriosity.“Whoishetoyou?What

exactlyisabenefactoranyway?”

Hisfaceblockedallanswers.“Whydoyoucare?”
“IcarebecauseIhatebeinginthedark.”
“It’sbetterthanotheralternatives.”
Myheartsqueezed.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Hesighed,rubbinghisfacewithhishand.“Fine.I’llanswerthebasicsifit’llstopyourdamn

questions.Larryisfamily.He’stheonlyfamilyIhave.Stewiewillbehisadoptedsonsoon.Whichwill
makehimmybrother,forallintentsandpurposes.”

Hetookabreath,bracinghimselftocontinue.“Iusedto...work...forLarry,untilIbranchedoffintomy

ownexpertise.HehelpedmewhenIhadnooneelse,andI’llforeverhavehisbacksoifhegetssick
againandneedstomovetoZimbabwefortreatment,I’lltakehim.Ifhesuddenlytoldmehecouldn’t
adoptStewie,I’ddoitinafuckingheartbeat.LarryisthereasonIstillhavealife—evenifitismessed
up.”

Iclutchedeachanswerbeforehecouldstealthemback.Somanyquestionstotugoutmoretruth,butI

focusedontheeasiest...fornow.“Andwhatisyourexpertise?”

“Stockmarket.”
Ididn’tpicturehimasWallStreetguy.Alawyerperhapswithhissharptongueandargumentative

desiretoturneveryconversationintoadebate.Butnotboringstocksandimpersonaltrades.

“Whereareyourmomanddad?”Idrankhimin,doingmybesttoreadhisbodylanguageashe

stiffened.

“Dead.HavebeensinceIwaseleven.”
Iflinched.“I’msorry.”
“Youdidn’tdoit.”Helookedovermyhead,hispatiencefraying.Idoubtedhe’dpermitanymore

questions,butIaskedanother.“YousayLarrygaveyoubackyourlife.How?Wheredidyouguysmeet?”

Pennchuckleddarkly,shakinghishead.
Itackedonanotherbeforehecouldrevokemeaskinganymore.“WhataboutStewie?Wheredidyou

meethim?”

Hegrinned,slippingbackintotheculturedshellthatwasutterlyunreadable.“Enough.”Hecuppedmy

chinwithhisfingerandthumb,holdingmetight.“Choose.Drinknoworlater.Yourcall.”

Igulpedashisgazewenttomylips.Theroomblurredwithsexualtension.We’djusthadsexbut

alreadythefamiliarachebegananew.

Deliberatelyplacingthechampagneonatablenexttoanidenticalemptyflute,Istraightenedmyback.

“Later.I’dliketoseewhatLarrywillrevealbeforeyouscaremeawayandstopmefromfiguringout

whoyoutrulyare.”

Helaughedsoftly.“Hewon’thelpwiththat,Elle.OnlyIcan.”
“Well,helpmethen.Tellme.Iknownothingaboutyou.Wheredidyougotoschool?Whatsortof

stocksdoyoutrade?What’syourfavoritehobby,drink,color,timeofday?”Myvoiceranintoone
endlessrequest.“It’suncomfortableformespendingtimewithamanIdon’tknow,basingeverythingIdo
knowoffwhateverchemistryourbodiesdecidetoshare.”

Hislipstilted.“Soyou’resayingsleepingwithme,whileknowingnothingaboutme,isn’texcitingbut

terrifying?”

Inodded.“Ifyouwanttouseextremes,yes.”
Heremovedhishold,lettingmyfacego.“Carefulwhatyouwishfor,Elle.Sometimes,secretsmake

thingsbetternotworse.”Droppinghiseyes,theylingeredonmynakedthroat,almostasifhetracedan
invisiblenecklacethenhelookedaway,onceagaintakingcontrolbyguidingmeforwardwithanelbow
touch.

Musicfellgentlyfromspeakers,lightclassicalwithathreadofcontemporary.Itwasmeanttobe

relaxing,butIfoundahintofmacabrehiddeninthenotes.Thelaughingcrowddidn’tnoticeandIdidn’t
dwell.Whateverhappenedtonight,I’dmeetheadfirst.IfitmeantthiswasthelasttimeI’dseePenn
becauseofsomedisastrousdivulgence,thenIwouldstillwaketomorrow.Iwouldstillhavemycompany,
myfather,myworld.

Sure,itwouldn’tbeasspicywithouthiminit,butIdidn’tneedhimtomakemewhole.
Areyousureaboutthat?
Myhearthadbeenastupidthing.Myearshadheardhislies,butmyheartdidn’tbuythem.Itdidn’t

judgeorinterrogate.Itblindlyfollowedwhereaffectionlay—makingmyfeelingstowardPennwoefully
complicated.

Ilethimleadme—stayingquietandobedientoutofrespectthatthiswashisnight.Hisnighttoeither

revealsomethingIcouldacceptorrunawaywithhorror.Iwasreadyforeitheraslongashegaveme
answers.

Stewiefoundusfirst.
Asmallhandappearedfromthecrowdfollowedbyanarmdressedingraywithnavypinstripes.He

grinnedasheplantedhimselfinourtrajectory,hisattentiononPenn.“Whatchathink?”

Pennslammedtoahalt,rubbinghischinwithhisfingersinmock-seriouscontemplation.“Hmm...”
StewieboughtintothepantomimewhileIwatchedasanoutsider,witnessingonceagainhowmany

facetsPennhad.Hewasstrictandunyielding,butwithStewie,hewasajoker,friend,andprotectorallin
one.

“Verynice.”Helookedatme.“Whatdoyouthink,Elle?YourmerchandiseshrunktoStew’ssize.”
Ireachedforward,rubbingStewie’slapel,playingintotheroleofjudgment.“Ithinkthetailorsdidan

amazingjob,butthesuitwouldn’tlookgoodonjustanyone.”Ismiled,standingupright.“Youwearthat
suit,Stewie,thesuitdoesn’twearyou.”

Stewie’sfacescrunchedup.“Idon’tgetit.”
Pennchuckled.“Shelikesit.”
“Sweet!”Stewiespuninplace.“LarrysaidIcanwearittomyschoolinterviewsnextmonth.Saidit

willhelpmeopendoorsthatmaybelockedthankstomybackground.”

Pennglancedatmequicklybeforenodding.“Wiseman.Butnodoorswillbelocked;youhavemy

wordonthat.”Hishandsclenchedbeforerelaxing.“Now,speakingofLarry,mindshowinguswherehe’s
hangingout?”

Stewienodded,slippingintoaquickjig-jog.“Sure,thisway.”
Pennraisedhiseyebrowatme,tookmyhand,andtogether,wenavigatedtheroom.

ChapterThirty-Three

“IWASWONDERINGwhenyou’dshowup.”Larrygrinned,shakingPenn’shandaswepoppedfromthe
crowdthankstoStewieguidingus.

We’dtraversedtheballroomtoaquietermeetingroomofftotheside.Here,menandwomenhuddled

intheirarrayofsilversplendor,theirvoiceshushedindiscussion,softwithbusinessandnotforother
people’sears.

“Fashionablylate.”Pennsmirked.“Isn’tthatwhatyoutaughtme?”
“Nottoyourownevent.”
Wait,hisevent?
Ifrowned.Idiedwithimpatiencetoaskwhattheeveningsupported.WhyPennwouldbethe

figureheadforsomethingthatdeservedsuchaturn-out.ButPennwavedatLarrythentome.“You
rememberElle?”

“Ofcourse,Ido.I’mnotblind,youidiot.”Thename-callingcarriedheavyaffectionasLarryleaned

forwardtokissmeonthecheek.“Hello,Elle.Youlookravishing.”

Iacceptedhisgreeting,doingmybestnottoblush.“Thankyou.Youlookdashingyourself.”Justlike

Penndressedinasilvertuxedo,Larryworeadarkerversion.Hissaltandpepperhairmatchedthesilver
themeperfectly.Stewiewastheonlyonetobreakthemetalliccodewithhisgraypinstripe.

Champagnewasonceagainhandedout.Pennpluckedaglass,handingittomewithanotherraised

eyebrow.Iaccepteditbutdidn’ttakeasip—mainlyindefiance.

Awkwardnessfell.
Igraspedforanappropriatesubject.“SoyousaidthiswasPenn’sevent?”Iglancedatthemen.“I

mustadmithehasn’tgivenmeanyhintsastowhyI’mhereorwhattheeveningfestivitiesarefor.”

LarryshotPennadisapprovingglare.“Hedidn’t,didhe?”Hesmiled.“Letmebetheonetotellyou

then.”

“Larry,”Penngrowledunderhisbreath.“Rememberourdiscussion.”
Larrywavedhimoff,takingmyelbowandescortingmetowardthebarandawayfromPenn.“Thisis

acharityfunction.EveryyearPennhostsit.Hehassincewestartedworkingtogether.”

“Workingtogether?”
Larrynoddedasifitwasperfectknowledge.“I’malawyer.Myfirmneededahelpinghand,andPenn

offered.He’ssmartwithaquicktongue.Hetraveledwithmetomanycases—evenhelpedprovidethe
legworkonresearchwhenIgotsick.However,whileIwasinrecovery,heturnedhishandtothestock
market.”

Hiseyesfocusedonamemorywithpride.“Heinvestedinasmallpennystock.Withhisluck,it

should’vetanked.Butitdidn’t.Forthefirsttime,hewasrewardedforhisriskandthestocktookoff
overnight.Heusedtheprofitstoinjectintothischarityandtodaytradethesamecompanieswetookto
courtonbehalfofsomeofitsvictims.”

ThereweretanglesandknotsinhisrevelationthatIcouldn’tworkout.IneededaquietroomwhereI

couldwritedownwhathe’drevealedandmixthemaroundonpiecesofpaperuntilIcouldrearrange
themintocomprehensibleorder.

“Andwhatisthecharityfor?”
Larrybeamedlikeanyhappyparent.“Homelesschildren,ofcourse.”

Islammedtoastop.
Homeless.
Nameless...
Mystrappyheelspinchedmyfeet.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
Larrynoticedmysuddenpallor.Hisfacefell.“Hehasn’ttoldyouyet.Hashe?”
AllIcouldmanagewasashakeofmyhead.
Ifeltsick.
Ifeltelated.
Ifeltterrified.
Hisfacesoftened,lookingovermyshoulderastheelectricalpresenceofthemanI’dforever

associatewithheartacheappeared.He’dliedandtwistedmymind.He’dhiddenhonestyandmademe
crazy.Hestoppedmefromlearninganymorebyinterferingwithourconversation.

Larrybentintome,murmuring,“I’lltellyouthis,thentherestisuptohim.Hewashomelesshimself.

It’shiswayofgivingback—tohelpotherkidshavingareallyhardtimeinlife.”Pattingmyarm,hesaid
louderasPennsidledclose,“Ineedarefill.Anyoneelse?”

“No.”Pennshookhishead,wrappinghisarmaroundmysuddenlytremblingbody.“Ithinkyou’ve

donemorethanenough.”

Larrymerelyshrugged,unapologetic.
Iglancedup,takinginPenn’sprofile.Thewayhisjawwassharpandstrongandnolongercoveredin

anunkemptbeard.Thewayhiseyeslightenedanddarkeneddependingonhismoodbutremainedthe
samehueasthemaninCentralPark.Howhe’daskedmeifItrustedhim.Howhehadthesamehabitof
jamminghishandsintohispockets.Howhe’dkissedmewithchocolate...

Oh,myGod.
It’strue.
MykneeswobbledasPennmutteredunderhisbreath,“We’llberightback.”
IgaveaweaksmiletoLarry,fallingintoPenn’sfaststrideasheguidedmethroughthejostling

ballroom.

Icouldn’ttearmyeyesoffhim.ForcingmybraintooverlaphisappearancewiththatofNameless.I

startedseeingthingsthatweren’tthere.Orbelievinginthingsthathadbeenthereallalong.

Icouldn’tdecide.
Withoutfactsordeclarationsoranyconfirmationatall,ItrippedintotheteenagecrushI’dnever

escapedfrom.Iwasstupid.Iwashopeful.Iwasblind.

Awomanplacedherselfinourpath,smilingcoylyatPennwhileignoringmeentirely.“Oh,Penn.

Fancyseeingyouhere.”Shesimpered.“DoyoumindifIborrowyouforamoment?Ihaveaquestion
abouttheTripleSegmentSecuritiesyourecommendedlastweek.”Sheflickedherdarkbrownhair.“I
wantyourexpertopinion.”

Rageandjealousyclawedme.
IfPennwasNameless,hewasmine.
He’dbeenmineforthreeyears.
I’donlyjustfoundhimandnowshewantedtotakehimaway?
No.
Shecan’t.
DisappointmentandconfusionfollowedasPennsighedheavilyandletmego.
Whisperinginmyear,hecommanded,“Leavetheballroom.Headtothefirst-floorrestaurant.You’ll

seeafamilybathroom.Meetmethereinfiveminutes.WhatIneedtotellyoushouldbedoneinprivate.”

“ButI’mnottipsy.”
Hisgazehardenedthensaddened.“It’stoolate.Youneedtoknow.Ican’tfuckinglieanymore.”

Ishiveredasheletmego.
Hegavemeonelasteternallylongstarethenwalkedawaywiththewoman,leavingmewithfantasies

andfearsandajoyIneverdaredbelievein.

ChapterThirty-Four

IMANAGEDAfewshakystepstowardthelargearchwaythatIassumedledtowardthehotelfoyeranda
staircaseorelevator.

Ihatedleavinghim.ButIwantedanswersmore.He’dpromisedhe’dmeetme.Ihadtotrusthe

wouldn’tforgetordisappearwithoutfulfillingthatpromise.

Hopefullytonight,I’llfinallyknow.
Thefearthathe’drunandI’dneverseehimagainescalatedthefurtherItraveled.Ididn’tseeLarryor

anyoneelseIrecognized.

Ireachedthethresholdoftheballroom.
Agraybulletcollidedintome.
Myarmsflewoutforbalance,steadyingmyselfandthekamikazewho’drunintome.Iblinkedas

recognitionflowed.“Stewie.Areyouokay?”

Hesmackedhislips,noddingdistractedly.“Yeah,sorryforrunningintoyou.”
“Don’tworryaboutit.Aslongasyou’regood,it’sfine.”
Henodded,hisfacetightandnottheusualhappinessI’dgrownusedto.“Yep,allgood.”Hepushed

pastmetojointhethrongbutsomethingsparklyfellfromhispocket.

Somethingblue.
Somethingthatdidn’tbelonginaboy’spossession.
Hedidn’tnotice,fightinghiswaypastadultsasIduckedandpluckedthesilvernecklacefromthe

ballroomfloor.

Myheartstopped.
Theworldclosedin.
Icouldn’tbreathe.
InmyhandssattheverythingI’dlostthenightNamelesshadsavedme.Thesapphirestarglimmered

underthebrightstrobesofthehotel,thewhitegoldchainsnappedinhalfwhereoneofthemuggershad
yankeditoffmyneck.

Istumbled,crashingintoamanwhocursedasasplashofhisorangecocktailtippedontohissilver

tuxedo.“Hey!”

Ivaguelyrememberedhowtoapologizewhilemymindwasnolongerherebutthere.
Backinthealley.
Backwhereitallbegan.
Inanawfultwistoffate,Stewielookedback,hisgazelatchingontothenecklacedrippingthroughmy

shockedfingers.Heslammedtoahalt,lookingaroundfeverishlyasifsearchingforPenn.Hopingtoundo
thisminor,inconsequentialactionthat’druinedallPenn’slies.Destroyedhisstories.Revealedeveryfact.

I’dbelievedinafantasy.
Andit’djustcrumbledintodust.
Iknowthetruth.
Theawful,terrible,sickeningtruth.
Comingtowardme,Stewiesheepishlyheldouthishand.“CanIhaveitback?”
Myfistcurledtightlyaroundthechain.“Thisismine.”
“No,it’snot.”Hisforeheadcrinkled.“Mybrothergaveittome.”

Myheelswerenolongerstableorcapableofholdingmeup.Iswayed.“Yourbrother?”
Penn’svoiceenteredmyhead,soundingfaraway.“Larryisfamily.Stewiewillbehisadoptedson

soon.Whichwillmakehimmybrother.”

No.
IfPenngaveStewiemynecklace...thatmeanthecouldn’tbemytragichero.
Hecouldn’tbemysavior.
Hecouldn’tbeNameless.
It’snotpossible.
Thiscan’tbehappening.
Namelesshadneverretrievedmynecklace.
I’dneveraskedforitback.
ThelastI’dseenitwasinthealley,rippedoffmyneck,andpocketedbythugs.
Myheartpalpitated,threateningtofaint.
Don’tletitbetrue...
OnlytwoscenariosexistedastowhoPenncouldbe.
Thesapphirehadshortlistedthem.
Mylifehadmadeamockeryofmyheart.
Thetruthlaughedinthefaceofmymoronictrust.
MyvoicestruggledtostaylowsoasnottoattractattentionwhenallIwantedtodowasscream.

“Why?”

“Why?”Hisfacecrunched.
Iswallowedhard,pushingdownmyheartwhereithyperventilatedinmymouth.“Whydidyour

brothergiveyouthisnecklace?It’snotsomethingaboywouldnormallyplaywith.”

Hescuffedhisshoeontheballroomfloor.“I’mlookingafteritforhim.”Hiseyesblazed.“Iwould

neverplaywithit.”

“Youdidn’tanswerme,Stewie.”Mypanicmademesharp.“Whydoyouhavethis?”
Hisattitudeprickled.Hecrossedhisarms.“Becauseifhewascaughtwithit,hissentencewould’ve

doubled.”

Mylegsturnedtoliquid.
Mykneestochocolatemousse.
“Whatsentence?”
Hislipsthinned.“IdunnoifIshouldbetellingyouthis.”
“Yes,youshould.”Imovedforward,toweringoverhim,commandingmyfingerstostaylocked

aroundmynecklaceandnotreachforhisthroattostrangletheanswersfromhim.“Tellme,Stewie.Tell
merightnow.”

Hepuffedouthischeeks,asifdoinghisbestnottoreplybutunabletoignoretheorderfromanelder.

“Hisprisonsentence,allright?Hegotdoneforrobbery.Heaskedmetokeepit,sotheydidn’thave
evidence.”Fearturnedhisfacered.“IknowIshould’vehiddenitsomewhere,butIlikedit,okay?Ilike
blue,andIlikestars.”Hekickedthefloor.“IwanttobeanastronomerwhenIgrowup.Iknowit’sgirly,
but...Ilovestars.”Hishandcameup.“Giveitback.”

Mybodyobeyedbeforemymindcaughtup.
Inadaze,myarmreachedforward.Myfingersopened,lettingthesapphireslipfrommygrasptohis.
Iwasnumb.
Iwasdead.
Twochoices.
TwomenI’dcursedtheirveryexistence.
Twomentriedtorapeme.

Onemanhadsucceeded.
Butitwasn’trape.
Itwasconsensual.
Itwaswanted.
He’dstolenmorethanjustmynecklacebutmyinnocenceandgoodnesstoo.
HowcouldImoveonfromthis?
HowdidIevercometotermswithwhathe’ddone?
Whoishe?
Whichone?
StewieclutchedtheevidenceofPenn’sheinouscrime.Hedidn’twaitformorequestions.Hedidn’t

eventhankmeforreturningwhatwasrightfullymine.

Takingoff,hevanishedintothesilverthrong,leavingmedestroyedandheartbroken.
Truthwasaficklething.I’dbelievedIwantedit.I’dbeggedandcursedanddemandedtoreceiveit.

AndnowthatIhadit...Iwantednothingmorethanforittodeletewhatit’dcausedandchooseadifferent
endingtotheoneI’dbeengiven.

I’dgonefromeuphoricjoybelievingPennwasNamelesstofindingoutmyworstnightmare.
Pennwasn’tNameless—theboywho’dprotectedandkissedmeinthepark.
Hewasoneofthemuggerswho’dtriedtorapeme.
They’dknownmynamefrommyI.Dbadge.
Oneofthemhadcomeafterme.
I’mgoingtothrowup.

ChapterThirty-Five

IRAN.

HowcouldInot?
Ididn’tknowwhatwasworse.
Thefacthe’dliedsoeffortlessly.OrthefactI’dbelieved—thatdespitebeingsodishonest—hewasa

goodpersonunderneath.

Icouldn’thavebeenmorewrong.
Hewasathief,arapist,ascamartist.
Andhe’dsuccessfullyusedmeforwhatevermindgameshewantedtoplay.
He’dliedfromthemomenthe’dcoercedmeintosayingyesatthePalmPolitics.AnytruthIthoughtI

sawinthesplitsecondsoftendernesswererust-coveredandfullofcounterfeithonesty.

Oh,myGod.
HowcouldIletthishappen?
Tearsgatheredlikevinegarinmyeyes,stingingwithdisbelief.
Thetaxibumpedthroughthearteriesofthecity,cartingmeawayfromPennandhisempireoffibs.I

hadn’tcalledDavidbecauseIdidn’twantanyonewhoknewmetoseemelikethis.SeehowfarI’d
fallen.

Mycheeksstillglowedfromlimousinesex.Mydressrumpled.Myhairtangled.Mylipsredfrom

throwingupinthehotelbathroombeforeboltingtothestreetandhailingthefirstcabIsaw.

Ididn’twaitforPenntoconfirmthehideousnessofStewie’srevelation.Ididn’tmeethimatour

rendezvousforyetmorelies.Icouldneverhavesexwithhimagain.

Iclampedahandovermymouth,holdingbackanotherwashofnausea.
Isleptwithhim.
Iclimaxedwithhim.
Ihave—had—feelingsforhim.
Thevinegarinmytearspickledmyinsides,fermentingmyheart,marinatingmyblooduntilmyentire

bodyturnedacidic.

Ijustwantedtogethome,showerawayhistouch,andsleepsoIcouldforgetwhatI’ddoneandwho

I’ddoneitwith.

Icouldn’tthinkaboutwhoPennwas.
Icouldn’tletmymindpokeatsuchappallingconclusions.
It’snotreal.
Ican’tletitbereal.
Thedrivetookforever,butfinally,thetaxidroppedmeoutsidemybuilding.Climbingunsteadilyfrom

thecab,IrefusedtothinkaboutwhatexplanationI’dgiveforbreakingofftheengagement.WhyI’dinform
securitythatPennwasnolongerpermittedtostepfootinsideBelleElle.WhyIwouldgetadamn
restrainingorderifhepursuedme.

HowwouldItellDadthatthemanhebelievedwassuitable—thesuccessfulentrepreneurwho

pretendedtobeanold-worldromantic—wastrulyjustacleverdeceiver?

ThankGod,Inevertoldhimwhathappenedthatnightinthealley.Thankheavens,Ikepttherobbery

andalmostrapeasecretbecausehewouldhuntPenndownandkillhimforbeingoneofthosemenwho’d

triedtotakeme.

Amanwhosuccessfullygotwhathewantedintheend.
Iswallowedasob.
Ionlyhadmyselftoblame.Ishould’vedugdeeperintohispast.Ishouldneverhavetrustedhim.
Enteringtheexclusivefoyerofmybuilding,Iswattedatatearthathadtheaudacitytorolland

marchedtotheelevators.

Thedoorsopenedimmediately,andIclimbedin.Myheartplummeted,rememberingSagewouldn’t

betheretopatchupmyworriesorlickawaymyhurtslikenormal.ShewaswithDad.Safeandsecure.

Notlikemewhoseworldhasjustimploded.
Myawaitingapartmentwassuddenlyacold,lifelessentityastheelevatorzoomedmeskyward.I

wantednothingmorethantoreturnhometothebrownstonewhereDadrefusedtodecorateoverMom’s
lastdesignsandconstantlylivedinthepastwithabrokenheart.

Wouldthatbemenow?HadPennruinedmeforothers?HadhisliesdestroyedwhatevertrustIhadin

men?HowcouldIevertellanyoneIwillinglysleptwithamanwho’dtriedtorapemethreeyearsprior
inadirtyalley?

Stop.
Juststop.
Ican’t...Ican’tthinkaboutitanymore.
Unlockingmydoor,Ikickedoffmyheelsandheadedstraightforthesleekwhitekitchen.Noneofmy

lightswereon,leavingtheviewtospeakforitselfastheskyscraper-filledhorizontwinkledwithbright
orbsoflight.Theilluminatedbuildingsseemedsohappy,shelteringtheirchosenfamilies.Sosarcastic
withtheircomfortingglow.

Ihatedthem.
Paddingtowardthepantry,IpulledoutabottleofwineIoccasionallycookedwith.
Ineverdrank.Buttonightwasanightoffirsts,andtheliquorinmybellyfromafewchampagnesips

weren’tenough.

Ineededtodrowneverymemorybeforetheybecamelong-termrecollections.Ineededtoresetmy

life,sotomorrowIcouldbefree.

Tippingthebottle,Iswiggedtartshirazstraightfromtheglass.
“Wow,IneverthoughtI’dseetheday.”
Themasculinevoiceterrifiedme.
Gulpingmymouthful,Ispuninthekitchen,facingtheopenplanlivingroom.Afiguresatonthe

leathercouch.

Hetutted,shakinghishead.“Pity.IthoughtI’dbetheonetodriveyoutodrink.”Gregchuckledthen

stood.Hisdeliberateslownessreekedofmayhemandhazards.

Hesmiledcoldly,hisdarkblondhairswipedbackoffhisface.“Hello,Elle.Toughnight?”He

stalkedtowardme.“Should’vegoneoutwithmeinstead—likeIsaid.”

Ifroze;thewinebottlebecamemorethanjustliquidfriendshipbutaheavyweapon.“Whatareyou

doinginmyapartment,Greg?”

Thiswasn’tthefirsttime.He’dbeenherefordinnersandbirthdays—evenlastThanksgivingwhenI’d

stupidlysaidI’dhostitandburnedtheturkey.Buthe’dneverbeenherealone,andhe’ddefinitelynever
lethimselfinuninvited.

“Howdidyougetin?”
Hecockedhishead.“Thedoorman.It’shandyalreadyhavingarelationship.It’sallowedmetodo

thingsIwouldn’thavebeenabletodoifwewerestrangers.”

Whatthings?

Mytoescurledintothetiledfloor,beggingtorunwhileItoldthemtostayput.Icouldn’tshow

weakness.Thiswasmyhouse.Mine.

“You’retrespassing.”
Hesighed.“Iwasworriedaboutyou.”Hedraggedafingeroverthekitchenbench.“Iwantedtomake

sureyougothomesafeandthatprickdidn’ttrysomethingwhenhedroppedyouoff.”Hegrinned.“He
doesn’tdeservetofuckyou,Elle.”Hisfacetightened.“Ido.”

Ibrandishedthebottle.“Youdeservetogetyourassthrownoutofmyapartmentorarrested.I’d

preferthelatter.Now,getout.”

Heshookhishead,smiling.“Yeah,see?That’swhereyou’rewrong,Elle.IdeservewhatI’veworked

sohardtoget.”

“Youhaven’tworkedhardyourentirelife.You’vecoastedbyonyourfather’sgoodwillandmine.”I

narrowedmyeyes.“Infact,showingupherejustgavemecrediblereasontofireyou.Consideryourself
unemployed.”

Isteeledmyselfforhisretaliation.
Iexpectedanoutburst.Astrike.
Ishiveredashelaughed,hiseyesalightandfacecrinkledwithmirth.“Aw,you’resocutewhen

you’remad.”Heenteredthekitchen,hisgazedroppingtomylegsasifjudginghowbesttoincapacitate
me.“I’mnotunemployed,Elle.I’vejustgivenmyselfapromotion.”

Itookastepback,tryingtokeepdistancebetweenus.Secondsturnedtofractions,inchingovera

clockdialashisfeetinchedovermyfloor.

Closer.
Closer.
“Stop!”Icursedthewobbleinmyvoice.“Idon’twantyouhere.It’stimeforyoutogo.Rightnow,

Greg.Iwon’taskagain.”IfumbledforthesilverbagI’ddumpedbythepantry.Myphone.Thepolice.

DesperationforhelppressurizedinsidemethecloserGregcame.
Hestopped,rubbinghisjaw.“You’reright,itistimetogo.”
Isighedinrelief.
He’salltalk.
Hewon’thurtme.
He’ssmarterthanthat.
Hesmiledarapscallionsmile.“ButI’mnotgoingalone.”

ChapterThirty-Six

I’DCARRIEDTHATdayinthealleywithmeforthreeyears.

Itwasmydirtysecret.
Myonemajorscrew-up.
Andmostofthetime,Iwasabletoignorehowithadmademefeel.
HowscaredI’dbeen.Howgod-awfulit’dbeentobetrapped.HowpetrifiedI’dbeenwhilebeing

molested.HowIhatedbeingaprisonerevenforafewterribleminutes.

Butsometimes,whenIwastiredorstressedorsleepdeprived,Icouldn’tfightofftheshadowsofthat

night.

BaseballCapandAdidaswerethere,readytotouchme,hurtme—makemeforgetIwassafeandthey

couldnevertouchme.

Ilikethethoughtofyougivingmeablowjob.Getheronherknees
Thosetimes,IwasabletoshoveasideawfulmemoriesbyrememberingNameless.Believingthe

worldwasgoodandbadbutmostofthetimerightwonoverwrong.Hewasthere,fightingoffnightmares,
givingmecandyandkisses.

Hewasmysafeplace.
Hemademebelievethingswerefine.
Tonighthadprovenmewrong.
Twice.
Ifyouscream,we’llbeatyoufuckingbloody,andyou’llwakeupwithnothing.
Mymindwasfullofuselesssnippetsandthree-year-oldvoicesfromthatnight.Theybecamelouder

andstrongerasGregswitchedhisstalkingforattack.

Asilentcryfellfrommylipsashecharged.
“No!”Itwistedonthespot,mybarefeetstickingtothetilesasIforgotaboutstandinguptohimand

choserunninginstead.

Only,Ididn’tgetfar.
First,wegetwhatwewant,andthenyougetwhatyouwant.
“Gotcha.”Greg’sarmslashedaroundmywaist,pullingmetohim.
MyfingersgrippedthewinebottleasIhoisteditovermyhead,wildlyaiming,blindinghoping.

Blood-redshirazchuggedfromthetip,splashingme,Greg,mykitchen.

“Givemethat.”Heheldmetrappedwithonearm,grabbingmywristwithhisfreehand.
“Stop!”Isquirmedandwiggled.Iswungandpummeled.“Letmego!”
Itriedtodefendmyself.
Butitwasnouse.
Youwanttoseemycock,bitch.Can’tdenythatshit.
Hetwistedthebottlefrommyfingersandplaceditcarefullyonthebench.Hedidn’tsmashitorcause

anynoise.

Hekepthisabductionassilentaspossible.
Tokeepitsecret.
Somakeitunsecret.
IscreamedasloudasIcould.Thebackofmythroatshredded,butIscreamedandscreamed—

Heslappedahandovermylips,silencingme.“Quitit.”BreathinghardasItriedtokickhislegs,he

hissed,“Doyouhonestlythinkanyonewillhearyou?Theseapartmentsaretriplewalled.You’reonthe
topfloor.Saveyourbreath.”

Turningmeinhisembrace,hegrabbedmywrists,trappedthembehindmyback,andkissedmequick

anddeep.

Let’sseewhatyourtitsarelike.
Itriedtobitehistongue,buthewastoofast.Aswiftclaimingandthenaretreat,knowinghe’dwon

andIwashis.

Ifoughtharder,ignoringhowstronghewasandhowweakhemademe.“Stopthis,Greg.”Myvoice

climbedafewoctaves,makingmebegevenwhenItriedtocommand.“Letmego.”

Hemerelylaughed.“You’renottheoneinchargetonight.”Hestrodeovertotheinvisibledrawer

holdingrandompiecesofjunk.UnlikePenn,heknewhowtopresstoopen.GrabbingsometwineI’dused
toholdtheturkeystuffinginplace,hewrappeditaroundmywrists,tyingtight.

Beforeweshowyouours,youhavetoshowusyours.
OnceIwashelpless,hemarchedmeforward.“YouandIaregoingforalittledrive.”Scoopingupa

pairofcarkeysIhadn’tseenonmykitchenbench,hepushedmetowardthedoor,openedit,andshoved
meoverthethreshold.

Panicbillowedfaster.
Ididn’twanttoleavewithhim.
Please!
“Wherearewegoing?”Myheartgallopedashepunchedthedownbuttonfortheelevatorand

draggedmeontoit.

Hepressedthebuttonforthegaragebelow.“Somewherenoonewillfindus.”Herockedhiscock

againstmybackashekeptmelockedinfrontofhim.“Somewherewecangettoknoweachotherand
finallyagreethatmarriagebetweenusisthebestthing—foreveryone.”

Isneered.“I’malreadyengaged.”
Toaliar—justlikeyou.
Toacriminal—justlikeyou.
IproddedthehurtinsidethatPennhadcaused.
IaskedthequestionI’dbeenavoiding.
WasPennBaseballCaporAdidas?
Washetheonewho’dgrabbedmybreastortornoffmysapphirestar?
Penn’spromisesechoedinmyhead.
Sayyes,andyou’remine.You’llanswertome.Sometimes,you’llhateme.Mostofthetime,you’ll

probablywanttokillme.

Hewasright.
Ididwanttokillhim.
Multipletimes.
Mychestachedasanotherofhistruthlesspledgesranginmyears.
Iwilllietoothersaboutus.Iwillpaintapicturethatisn’ttrue.Iwillcurseandhurtanddo

whateverIdamnwellwant,butyouhavemywordononething.Iwon’tlietoyou.Whatyouseefrom
mewillbethehonestfuckingtruth.

Liar.
Liar.
Liar.
Gregchuckled.“Thatengagementisasham.”Hekissedmythroat,pushingasidemyhairwithhiscar

keys,scrapingmewiththesharp-toothedmetal.“I’mnotafuckingidiot,Elle.”

Theelevatordinged,depositingusintotheundergroundgarage.Hepressedhiskeyfob,andagraphite

Porschebeepedwithwelcome.

I’dseenhiscarbefore,hell,I’dbeeninhiscarwhenhedrovemetoameetingacrosstownwhen

Davidsuddenlycamedownwithfoodpoisoning.ButI’dneverbeenforcedintohiscarormadetofeelas
ifhewouldhurtmeifIdisobeyed.

Ishotforward,takinghimbysurprise.
Imanagedafewstepsbeforeheloopedhisfingersaroundthetwineonmywrists,slammingmetoa

stop.

“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing?”
Myfeetachedontheroughconcretethankstomostlyhealedcutsandbruisesfromrunningbarefoota

fewnightsago.

IfPennwasAdidasorBaseballCap,whyhadhecometomyrescue?
Whyhadhebeenmydefenderinmyfuturewhenhe’dbeentheoffenderinmypast?
Nameless’voicewasthethirdtoentermythoughts.
Youdon’tneedtohide.Iwon’tletthemhurtyou.You’resafewithme.
Ifoughtharder,jumpinginGreg’shold,kickinghimashardasIcould.
Hemerelylaughed,strippingmeofstrengthwithcausticridicule.
Doyoutrustme?
NamelessandPennhadaskedthat.
I’dthoughtthelinkwasenoughtorevealhisidentity.Turnedout,thatquestionwascommonandfar

tooflimsytopinmyhopeson.

GregdraggedmetowardhisPorsche,ignoringmyattemptsatfleeing.
Istoppedfighting,choosinganotheralternative.“Greg...let’stalkaboutthis.”Itriedtoappealtothe

sideofhimI’dinteractedwithforyears—thebusinessside.TheboyI’dgrownupwithsurroundedbyall
thingsBelleElle.

ButthatGregwasgone.
Compoundedbyjealousyandriddledwithresentment,themancapturingmehadavendettatoearn

whathebelievedwasrightfullyhis,regardlessifitwasblasphemouslywrong.

Openingthecardoor,hegrowled.“Getin.”
“Youdon’thavetodothis.”
Heshovedhisfaceinmine.“Iknow.Iwanttodothis.”Heplacedhishandonmyskull,pushingmeto

ducksoIcouldfitinsidethePorsche.“Now,getinthefuckingcar.”

Ilookedattheguardsittinginthedistancebytheexitramp.
Imadeastupidchoice,onebasedonself-preservation.
Iscreamed.“Heeeeeeelp!”
Hepunchedme.
Thecrackhitmycheekbone.Theforcethrewmeagainstthecar.Thegaragevanished.Theground

disappeared.Icametowithmykneesbuckledandmybodysprawledlikearagdollinthepassengerseat.

Theslamofthedoorvibratedmyteeth.
Theguardhadn’theardme.
Mypainwasfornothing.
MyvisionfoggedwithcandyflossasGregyankedopenthedriver’sside,leapedin,andgunnedthe

engine.

Igroanedagainstsicknessandagony.“Stop.”Myheadlolledonmyneck,tooheavy,totallyuseless.
Larry’svoiceenteredthemedleyinmyskull,bringingthoughtsofCentralPark,airplanes,andkisses

onabaseballfield.Thievescanbecomesaints.Saintscanbecomethieves.Mostofusdeserveasecond
chance.

Myheartboycottedhismisunderstoodwisdom.
He’dknownallalongthatPennwasmorethanjustahomelessmanwho’dbeenarrestedonmy

nineteenthbirthday.Theentiretimewe’dspoken,he’dknownIsleptwithanimmoralcrook.

HeknowswhoPennis.
Andhedidn’ttellme.
Heletmedevelopfeelings.HebelievedwhateverconnectionPennmanagedtocultivatewouldbe

enoughtogetpastthealley.

Togetpastthethreat,thetaunt,thetrauma.
MyfacethrobbedasItriedtofigureitout.
Icanneverforgivehim.
BaseballCap’sthreatfilledmyears.Thelastthinghe’dsaidtomeasNamelessshieldedmeandkept

mesafe.

You’llfuckingpay.Bothofyou.
They’dmademepay.
They’dkepttheiroathtorobmeofeverythingIhad,includingmybody.
ButwhataboutNameless?
Whathavetheydone?
ThePorscheshotforward,pinningmyheadagainsttheseatasGregdrovefast.Heslowedaswe

approachedtheguard.

Iblinked,forcingmyeyesighttoworkpastthebruisingonmycheek.
Westopped,barricadedbytheredandwhiteramp.
Theguardwastoohighinhislittlebooth.Hecouldn’tseeinsidethecar.Ikickedthefloor,hopingto

makeanoise.

Itwaspitifullynon-existent.
Gregreachedoverwithonehand,plantinghissourpalmovermylips.Hewhispered,“No

screaming.”Withhisotherhand,hefishedouthisBelleEllepassandsmiled.“Evening.”

Theguarddidhisjob.Hecheckedthecredentials.Heopenedtheexit.“Haveagoodnight.”
“Oh,Iwill.Believeme.”GregthrewhisI.Dcardatmeashestompedontheaccelerator.
Wespedintothenight.
Heremovedhishand.“Thatwentwell.”Hisfacegleamedblackwithtriumph.“Thehardpartsare

overnow.”Hepattedmythighwithunwantedfingers.“AlittleroadtripthenyouandIgettohavea
privatechat.”Hishandslidupmythigh,probingthesilverdress.

ThesamedressPennhadhookedovermyhipsashefuckedmeinthelimousine.
ThesamedressI’dwornwhenI’dfoundmysapphirestarandlearnedtheterribletruth.
Iyankedmylegsaway.“Don’ttouchme.”
Gregclutchedthesteeringwheelwithachuckle.“Iplanondoingmorethanthat,Noelle.Muchmore.”
AsNewYorkblurredwithspeed,Dadfilledmymind.
Wouldhecomeforme?
Wouldhesaveme?
Ihadnooneelse.
Namelesswasgone.
Pennwasbanished.
I’malone.
Butitdidn’tmatter.
Gregwantedwhathecouldn’thave.
BelleEllewasmyempireandmybodywasmine.
Pennhadtaughtmehowtolie.

Iwoulddonacrownofthem.
Iwouldlieandcheatandstealandbeg.
Iwouldn’tbackdown.
I’llfight.

THRONEOFTRUTH

CrownofLiesconcludesinThroneofTruthreleasing28

February2017

Pre-order

HERE

andsave21%

(Pre-orderPriceis$3.99.ReleasePricewillbe$4.99)

“Mybodyblindedmewhilehisliesdestroyedme.PennEverettsweptmefrommyworldandintohis,

andwhenhisliesfellapart,Ifinallyopenedmyeyestothetruth.Theawful,terribletruth.”

NoelleCharlstonhaditall:hercompany,aloveaffair,powerandprotection.

However,shedidn’tpayattention,andinonenight,everythingshebelievedin,everyoneshetrusted

turnedouttobeworsethanfake.

Now,shehasnoonetohelpher.Noonetofreeher.

She’sonherownandhastomakethechoice.

Whotobelieve?

Whotofight?

Whototrust?

Pennliedtoherfromthebeginning.Hetaughtherthatwordscouldhurtandactionscouldsteal,andnow,

it’sherturntotwistthetruth.Shedoesn’thaveachoice.She’llfightforherheart,herlivelihood,herlife.

Somelieswillruinherwhileotherswillsetherfree.

Butthetruth...thetruthwillchangeeverything.

OTHERWORKBYPEPPERWINTERS

PepperWintersisamultipleNewYorkTimes,WallStreetJournal,andUSATodayInternational

Bestseller.

AllPepper’sbooksareavailableine-book,paperback,&audio.

DARKROMANCE

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“VotedBestDarkRomance,BestDarkHero,#1EroticRomance”

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ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

Afterchasingherdreamstobecomeafull-timewriter,Pepperhasearnedrecognitionwithawardsfor

bestDarkRomance,bestBDSMSeries,andbestHero.She’sanmultiple#1iBooksbestseller,along

with#1inEroticRomance,RomanticSuspense,Contemporary,andEroticaThriller.She’salsohonoured

toweartheIndieReaderBadgeforbeingaTop10IndieBestseller.

PepperisaHybridAuthorofbothTraditionalandSelf-publishedwork.HerPureCorruptionSerieswas
releasedbyGrandCentral,Hachette.ShesignedwithTridentMediaandherbookshavesoldinmultiple

languagesandaudioaroundtheworld.

Onapersonalnote,Pepperhasrecentlyreturnedtohorseridingafterasixteenyearbreakandnowowns

amagnificentblackgeldingcalledSonny.He’sanex-pacerstandardbredwhohasbeenretrainedintoa

happyhacking,dressage,andshowjumpingpony.Ifshe’snotwriting,she’sriding.

Theothermaninherlifeisherbest-friendandhubbywhoshefellinlovewithatfirstsight.Henever

proposedandtheyendedupmarriedaspartofabet,butafterelevenyearsandcountlessadventuresand

fun,she’sasuckerforromanceasshelivesthefairy-taleherself.

FormoreinformationonPepperandherworkpleasefollow:

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Document Outline

CROWN OF LIES
OTHER WORK BY PEPPER WINTERS
Crown of Lies Blurb
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
THRONE OF TRUTH
OTHER WORK BY PEPPER WINTERS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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