Jey Hawkes Not Perfect , But Striving To Be

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

Torquere Press

www.torquerepress.com

First published in www.torquerepress.com, 2009

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Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

CONTENTS

* * * *

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

Working on cars makes Joshua feel manly. It's silly, he

knows, but as soon as he slips out of his day clothes and into
his green overalls he feels like a macho man. There's just
something about poking around under the hood of a car that
makes him feel like a real man instead of an impostor. Sarah
says that wearing less pink would help with his manliness
issues, but who'd listen to her? He looks damned good in
pink, that's what he does.

Jeff, his ever helpful brother, says that helping out in Uncle

Jeff's garage is Joshua's macho outlet and, as loath as he is to
admit it, Joshua thinks Jeff might be right. During the day
he's quite all right with being gay and maybe a little feminine
(even though a guy that stands at six foot five without his
boots on doesn't exactly come off as feminine), but come
night he's itching to change into his overalls and get some
dirt on his hands.

Of course, detailing cars would be manlier if he could bring

himself to listen to the classic rock station his uncle tunes the
radio to during the day shift, but instead he turns the dial to
the classical station and listens to Tchaikovsky, Mozart and
Handel while he works.

It's kind of embarrassing if a client turns up, but Joshua

doesn't really see a lot of action during the evenings; mostly
he just finishes up some of the work left after the day shift,
even though the garage is still officially open. In the
beginning he tried to work more regular hours, but he always
had to beg out of work for school and rehearsals and ended

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

up working every weekend for six months, so in the end they
worked out this compromise. It's been great so far.

Joshua works when he can and Jeff can have his garage

open at odd hours. It doesn't bring in a lot of additional work,
but every now and then a desperate customer drops by and
has Joshua do some emergency work which the garage, of
course, charge extra for.

He finishes tightening the bolts after changing a tire and

checks the air pressure; perfect. He straightens up and wipes
the sweat from his brow, undoubtedly leaving an oily smear
across his forehead. The tune on the radio changes from a
piece by Grieg to one by Vangelis, and Joshua's face lights up
in a smile. He loves Vangelis, especially anything from Voices,
and this is the title tune playing now.

Some people may sneer at Vangelis for his haphazard

career and, at times, very experimental music. He's not in
any way a classical composer, but Joshua fell in love with his
music after seeing a new production of The Beauty And The
Beast set to an original Vangelis score. Joshua was only six
years old at the time, but he's fairly sure that was when his
love for ballet was born as well. In hindsight, it was a kind of
clumsy production by students from the local ballet school,
but at the time it was pure magic.

Without even meaning to he starts dancing across the

floor. At first it's only to practice his pas ballonne because his
sur le cou-de-pied landing needs some work, but then he
kicks his oily sneakers off and dances barefoot across the
uneven floor. His ability to improvise is one of his greatest

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

strengths as a dancer, and he dances across the floor to a
choreography only he can know.

His calloused feet hardly feel the unevenness of the floor

as he jumps through the air, landing with cat-like grace
before taking off in a new direction to avoid the parked cars.
Sometimes he might doubt his choice of career, knowing he
won't have that many good years as a dancer before his body
tires, but in moments like this, when he lets the music carry
him, he knows there is nothing else he could do.

Elias loves his truck, he really does, it has carried him for

many, many miles, but she's a bitch to maintain and she
always breaks down at the most inopportune moments—like
right now, for example. He's just come off a twenty-hour
shift, his hair stinks of smoke, and all he wants is to sleep
before he gets called in again.

At least she has the decency to blow a tire just outside an

open garage and, without the slightest hesitation, he turns in
the driveway and stops in the open space before the garage.
If it makes him something less of a man that he's willing to
pay anything right now to have a stranger change his tire, he
doesn't care.

One of his wrists is aching since a fall he took earlier in the

day, and he's so tired he can hardly drive, certainly not
change a tire. He slides out of the truck and bangs the door
shut, giving her a nasty look. The engine tinkles as if to taunt
him and he huffs, turning on his heel and stalking toward the
garage.

Sometimes he thinks he's crazy for treating his truck as if

she's human, but it certainly feels like she is. On a good day

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

he calls her Rose and shines up her red paint; on a day like
this he calls her Bitch and doesn't care that she's dusty.

The sign above the garage says "Jeff's Auto" and a crooked

plate on the door says "Open." The lights are on in the main
garage, but not in the office, so he heads for the garage.
Strangely enough, something that sounds like Gregorian
chanting reaches him through a half-open side window and he
cautiously knocks on the door.

When there is no answer, he tries the handle and finds the

door unlocked. He pulls it open slowly, unsure of what to
expect. Classical music is not something he's come to expect
from garages over the years, unless it's classic rock. The sight
that greets him is nothing he would ever have expected, but
it's enthralling all the same.

A beautiful, tall, and whipcord-lean guy is dancing in the

open space before the cars, his bare feet flying over the dirty
floor as he jumps, twirls, and skips with eerie grace. Elias'
mouth falls open at a particularly daring jump that seems to
leave the guy hanging in the air before he lands smoothly on
the pad of one foot.

His jaw drops, and he can't stop staring. He remembers his

grandma taking him to the ballet when he was a teenager. He
complained the entire time, but secretly he couldn't forget the
dangerous grace of the male dancers and the easy
smoothness of the females. Nothing prepared him for the
thrill he gets from watching this guy dance, though. Despite
the green overalls that clash weirdly with his bare feet, he's
just so beautiful.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

He steps into the garage, letting the door fall shut behind

him. The sudden sound alerts the guy to his presence and he
spins around mid-step to stare at Elias, a blush creeping up
his cheeks. He scrubs a hand over his face, pushing his too-
long bangs out of his eyes, and shuffles awkwardly.

"Hey," he says, looking acutely embarrassed.
Elias is aware of what he looks like done up in jeans,

boots, and a FDNY jacket to stave off the chill of the night. He
looks exactly like the type of guy that would make snide
remarks about faggots if he saw someone dancing dressed in
green overalls.

"Nice routine," he says, trying to sounds as if he means it,

but somehow it comes out of his mouth sounding like
mockery.

The guy looks away, his cheeks flaming even redder. "Did

you want something?" he asks, wiping his hands against his
thighs.

"Uh, yeah. My truck blew a tireE" He trails off. "I was

wondering if you could help me change it."

The guy raises an eyebrow, but doesn't make any

comment, he just takes a few steps forward and slides his
feet into his dirty sneakers. "Sure," he says, still not looking
at Elias. "Where is it?"

Elias nods his head toward the door. "In the parking lot."
The guy nods and bends down to pick up a tire iron. "You

got a spare?"

"Yeah."
Elias feels like a complete idiot, he wants to say something

to make it all right, but he can't find the words. He really did

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

think they guy was an awesome dancer, but somehow he
managed to make it all awkward. It's the story of his life,
always fucking up the things that could have been awesome.

Joshua has probably never been so embarrassed in his life.

Not only did someone catch him dancing, barefoot, in his
overalls, in a garage, but that someone also happens to be a
drop-dead gorgeous fucking fireman. Well, Joshua's not sure
he's a fireman, but the FDNY says that he is, and when
Joshua walks closer the guy smells faintly of smoke. He wants
to die.

"I, uhE I'm Elias," the guy says when Joshua gets closer.

"And uhE I really did like your dancing. You're veryE agile."

Joshua grins at that; it's obvious that the guy, Elias, is

really trying to find the right words, make the whole thing
less embarrassing.

"Thanks," he says, and he really means it. He's not really

used to flattery; at the academy people might acknowledge
that you are a great dancer, but they always have something
to complain about, unable to just let someone be good. "I'm
Joshua," he says, sticking his hand out, realizing too late it's
still smeared with grease and dirt after his last tire change.

Elias doesn't even hesitate before he grabs it in a firm

shake, smiling up at Joshua. He's got really gorgeous eyes, a
deep green that seems to sparkle from within. Joshua feels
the first tendrils of desire snake through his loins and gives
his body a firm talking to. This is so not the time and place to
fall in lust with someone, even if that someone happens to be
beyond hot.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"So, you a professional dancer?" Elias asks as they walk

out into the yard, and Joshua is put face to face with a
beautifully kept 1970 Chevrolet pickup.

"Hoping to be," Joshua responds vaguely, staring at the

truck. She, he's sure it's a she, is simply gorgeous, her red
paint seemingly winking at him.

His first boyfriend, David Landing, drove a '70 Chevy

pickup. It was red, just like this one, but the color was
washed out and the paint had peeled in places.

"She's beautiful," he says, running a hand over the still-hot

hood.

"Yeah," Elias says with obvious pride. "She is."
"I lost my virginity on the bed of a '70 pickup," Joshua

says before he can censor himself.

Elias makes a sound somewhere between laughing and

choking on his tongue. "She's a dream to drive."

"I neverE" Joshua cuts himself off before he can finish the

sentence. What he's doing is the verbal equivalent of taking
out a magic marker and writing gay on his forehead, and he
can feel the heat rising in his cheeks again. Seriously, what's
wrong with him? It's not like Elias is the first beautiful guy
he's met.

He doesn't dare to look at Elias; he doesn't want to see

what kind of look he's got on his face. Elias seems to be a
nice, open-minded guy, but there is such a thing as too much
information and Joshua seems hell bent on providing it.

"You got a jack?" he mutters, staring intently at the hood

of the truck.

"YeahE Sure."

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

The truck rocks as Elias climbs onto the bed, and Joshua

all too vividly remembers that night with Dave. Elias mutters
to himself as he moves around the bed, half-formed words
Joshua can't quite make out. Then he makes a happy
exclamation and jumps back down on the ground.

Joshua looks up and accepts the jack from Elias' hands,

bending down to place it in the proper position. He easily lifts
the truck up enough so that he can work on the flat tire,
leaving her leaning on three wheels. Changing tires, at least,
he can do in his sleep no matter model or make, so he lets
himself get lost in the familiar motions, pushing all thoughts
of gorgeous firemen and awkward conversations out of his
mind.

Normally Elias isn't the type of guy to stand around idle

while other people work, but there's not really a lot for him to
do as Joshua changes his tires with long-fingered efficiency.
He brings around the spare when Joshua asks for it, but other
than that he's left to stare at the way Joshua's biceps bulge
under the overalls as he tightens the bolts.

When he's done, Joshua lets the truck back down and

hands the jack back to Elias with a smile. He's got dirt all over
his hands and wrists and there's a smear of it on his
forehead.

"I'm just gonna check the pressure," Joshua says, turning

on his heel and walking back toward the garage. "You should
bring her closer in case she needs a refill."

Elias slides into the driver's seat and starts up the truck,

bringing her up to the folding garage doors before parking her
again. He thinks he notes a tone of approval in the rumbling

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

purr of the engine and wonders if maybe sleep deprivation
has pushed him over the edge at last.

Joshua comes back out and Elias slides out of the driver's

seat to do some more staring while Joshua checks the
pressure. He hums a little under his breath and moves around
the truck, checking the pressure on all tires without being
asked.

"She's running a little low," he says before disappearing

into the garage again.

Elias looks after Joshua and wonders if he's supposed to

follow. He's just about to reach for the garage door when it
opens again and Joshua comes out carrying a tube of
compressed air. He gives Elias a fleeting smile before getting
to work on the tires again.

Elias stares dumbly at him, trying to come up with

something smart to say. Nothing comes to him, so he just
stands there like an idiot while Joshua refills the tires and
tightens the bolts on the one that was changed one last time.
Maybe he should ask about the price; it's not really a smart
thing to say, but at least it's something.

"So how much do I owe you?" he asks, cringing at the

formal tone of his own voice. Could he be more of a tool?

Joshua straightens up and shrugs, his too-long brown hair

falling into his eyes. "It's okay, man," he says. "I was just
about to close up here anyway."

Now Elias feels even worse. "Can I at least give you a ride

somewhere?"

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

Joshua's face lights up in a smile. "That would be

awesome," he says. "I'm just gonna change and lock up the
shop."

Elias smiles back; maybe he's not that much of a tool after

all. He leans against the truck while he waits for Joshua,
wondering what his story is. Joshua says he hopes to be a
professional dancer; does that mean that he's in school still,
or that he does the audition route hoping to be recognized?

He's fairly sure Joshua is gay; at least, he gets that vibe.

That remark about never having driven a '70 Chevy pickup, if
that had been what he was about to say, means he either had
a progressive girlfriend, or a boyfriend. Elias is willing to bet
it's the latter. He's pretty sure it's par for the course for ballet
dancers to be gay, or is that just prejudice?

He does know it's not the most usual sexual orientation

among firefighters, and there have been more than a few
dark looks and snide remarks thrown in his direction. He
should have learned years ago to keep his mouth shut about
his love life, but when someone outright asks him, he can't
bring himself to lie. It's not like he's ashamed.

Joshua comes out of the shop and locks the door behind

him. He's changed into jeans, a zip-up hoodie, and clean
sneakers. His hands are moderately clean and he's wiped
away the smear from his forehead, but his hair isn't wet so
Elias figures he didn't have a shower. Elias doesn't know why
this is an important fact, but his brain informs him that it is.

The graceful way Joshua does anything makes Elias'

stomach tighten; it's like he's got absolute control over his
body that not even Elias, who puts his own body in the line of

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

danger daily, has mastered. Joshua comes walking toward
him with a smile on his face, long strides and straight back
like he's used to commanding the space around him. Elias can
easily picture him on a stage, owning it with his body and his
graceful moves.

"You're like a panther," he says, and he really will win the

dorky remark of the year award.

Joshua grins. "You should have met me before I started

taking ballet lessons. I toppled things over just thinking about
moving."

Elias grins back; it's hard to imagine Joshua ever being

clumsy, but he supposes it might be true. "You wanna drive?"
he asks, even though he knows it might be taking a risk.

Joshua's face lights up like a Christmas tree. "Really? You'd

let me drive?"

Elias feels nervous all of a sudden but he still nods. Joshua

did change his tire for free, after all. He owes him something;
he just hopes it's not his life.

Elias, Joshua decides, is an awesome guy. Not only is he

hotter than hot, he also lets Joshua drive his truck. Joshua
loves driving, but living in New York and being a poor student
he doesn't really have use—or money—for a car, so he relies
on public transportation most of the time, which is, often
enough, less than fun if not downright dangerous.

Elias seems nervous to begin with, buckling up before

Joshua even starts the truck and his eyes flittering from side
to side, but once Joshua guides them out on the road without
mishap he relaxes, leaning back in his seat.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"So, you a fireman?" Joshua asks, glancing at the logo on

Elias' jacket.

"Yeah," Elias answers, scrubbing a hand over his face.
"That's cool."
Joshua is a bit at loss for how to continue the

conversation. He holds firefighters in the highest regard, and
he knows that the New York ones are especially worthy of
praise after 9/11 and all that happened back then. He finds
himself wondering if Elias is old enough to have been working
back then, but there is no way to ask without sounding like a
sensationalist.

"I suppose," Elias says as an answer to Joshua's remark.

"More often than not it's pretty hot, though."

Joshua smiles at that. "But still, you're helping people,

saving lives."

"Yeah." Elias looks out the window. "That I do."
Joshua feels as if there is a story there about someone

Elias didn't save, but he doesn't know him well enough to ask
or offer platitudes so he just focuses on driving.

"How about you?" Elias asks. "You a student?"
"Yeah, at the ballet academy."
"That's pretty cool, too."
"And sweaty."
They share a look and grin. On the surface they have

nothing in common, but there's just something about Elias.

"You from around here?" Elias asks.
"Nah, I'm a Texas boy, broke my momma's heart by

moving here. You?"

"I'm a Texan through and through. Dallas. How 'bout you?"

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"San Antonio."
There is another look and a fleeting smile. Joshua licks his

lips and stares at the road stretching out in front of them. He
can see his bus stop a few hundred yards down the road and
eases off the gas.

"You stopping?" Elias asks.
"Yeah, that's my stop down there."
"But you live in the dorms, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Then drive there."
"Really? It's kinda far."
"Dude, you just changed my tire for free."
Joshua smiles and presses the gas pedal back down, not

feeling the slightest bit sad when they pass the bus stop. He
loves his Uncle Jeff and he loves working at the garage, but
getting there and back home again takes stupidly long. Why
did Jeff have to open his garage on the outskirts of fucking
Queens?

It's been a while since he navigated the streets of New

York City, so once they start nearing the more densely
trafficked areas he pulls up to the curb. He doesn't want to do
any kind of damage to Elias' lovingly kept truck. He feels kind
of bad because Elias has fallen asleep with his head against
the window, but he figures Elias is more used to driving in the
city and will get them safely to their destination.

He contemplates slipping out of the truck and walking to

the nearest subway station, but that doesn't seem like a nice
thing to do, so he reaches over and nudges Elias' shoulder.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"What?" Elias asks, blinking his eyes open. "Did I fall

asleep?"

He looks adorable, like a five-year old.
"Yeah," Joshua says.
"Sorry, man." Elias scrubs the back of his hand over his

eyes. "Are we there?"

"NahE I kinda don't trust my driving skills enough to brave

Manhattan traffic, even at night."

"That's cool," Elias says, stretching his arms above his

head.

Joshua doesn't stare at all at the sliver of skin revealed

when Elias' shirts ride up, but from what he can see Elias'
stomach is to die for. They swap places quickly, and Elias
guides the truck back into the traffic. Joshua looks at Elias'
hands on the wheel; he's always had something of a hand
kink and Elias' are particularly good ones. Square, with long,
strong fingers and surprisingly well kept nails. They look
competent, and once again he has to suppress a tendril of
desire. What's wrong with him? It's not that long since he got
laid.

There is something special about Joshua. Elias can't quite

put his finger on it, but there's something there. Maybe it's
just the fact that they're both from Texas; maybe it makes
them connect on a chromosome level or something, but he
doesn't think so. When he slows the truck to a stop not far
from the ballet academy, he knows he has to do something to
not have Joshua just disappear from his life.

It's silly, really, since they've spent most of their time

together so far being awkward and embarrassed, but he

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

really can't just let Joshua walk away. Part of it is attraction,
sure, because Joshua is hotter than the sun, but the rest, he
thinks, is something like instinct.

"You wanna go out tomorrow night?" Elias hears himself

asking and wants to bang his head against the wheel. "I
meanE for a beer or something, as a thank you for, you
knowE the tire."

Joshua laughs. "Sure," he says. "That sounds nice."
They exchange phone numbers, and then Joshua slips out

of the truck with a bye and a smile and Elias is left watching
his ass as he walks toward the academy and the dorms
hidden in its depths. Joshua has a really nice ass, and Elias
really needs to sleep. With a sigh he starts up the truck again
and slips back into traffic. It's a long way to drive back and he
feels like he's about to fall asleep at the wheel.

He reaches out for the radio and fiddles with the dials until

country music starts blaring from the speakers. He likes
country, but the twenty-four/seven country station only plays
the worst tunes known to man, so it's bound to keep him
awake just by sheer annoyance.

He loves his job, he really does, but it takes a lot out of

him, and since he moved to New York he'd kinda lost his easy
circle of friends from home. Sure, he's got buddies at the
station, guys to go out and have beer and horse around with.
They talk about work sometimes and hang out after a rough
shift, but most of those guys have families, someone waiting
for them back home.

Elias doesn't have that here; he doesn't have any real

friends and he can only call his mom so often before she'll

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

start planning an intervention and drag him back home by the
ear. He tried the dating thing, had a few boyfriends, but his
job always get in the way. He works insane hours and more
often than not he's not up to going out for a fancy dinner
after a rough shift. It's hard to really connect to someone
when he's never there, and to be fair his heart was never
really in it.

He moved to New York five years ago because he thought

he'd met "the one," but they broke up after a few months and
since then he's never had a relationship that lasted more than
a couple of months. Getting over Ben wasn't easy, but he
truly believes that their tumultuous breakup is behind him
now. He doesn't think about Ben any longer, or if he does, it's
with fond nostalgia instead of hurt.

He's glad that Joshua accepted his offer, and something

tells him he might be onto something. Maybe it's nothing
relationshippy, maybe it's just friendship, but he can't fight
the feeling that he wants to have Joshua in his life. If nothing
else, he can always perv over Joshua's unnatural grace and
maybe try getting him drunk to see if that makes him clumsy.
It's worth a shot, and life is too short to not take chances.

The tune changes to an awful, twangy piece about the

woman the singer left behind in Georgia, and Elias groans
internally. He's not that much of a singer, but even he could
do better. He contemplates briefly turning on the latest CD
Steve sent him instead, but thinks better of it. He's too tired
for good music; he needs the aggravation of ear torture.

Giving Joshua a ride home might have been a mistake in

his current condition, but he's a firm believer in the fact that

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

everything happens for a reason and he hardly thinks Rose
blew a tire on a flat stretch of road just to spite him. His truck
was looking out for him as usual by bringing him Joshua and,
had he not offered the ride, that overall-clad back would have
been the last he ever saw of Joshua.

* * * *

The following morning when Joshua wakes up he's got this

feeling that Elias is going to cancel on him. Quite like that
time when he just knew he had to ask Emma Hartling to the
senior prom because they would look so dashing together. Of
course it had turned out she'd rather have gone with the star
quarterback and didn't think he was dashing at all, but that's
another story.

Still he's not surprised when he comes out of his afternoon

class and finds a missed call and a voice mail from Elias.
Elias's very sorry, but he's got to work, another time maybe.
Joshua deletes the message and sighs. Elias was obviously
too hot to be true.

He skips his evening shift at the garage, the good thing

about working for his uncle, and goes out for pizza with his
best friend Marcus instead. Marcus is a med student at a
nearby university, even though Joshua kinda thinks they're
insane if they let Marcus have any kind of interaction with
actual people. He loves Marcus, but the guy has the social
skills of your average newt.

He survives the dinner, though, even lets himself be talked

into having a beer afterward before he walks back to the
dorms. Now that he lets himself think about it, he's kinda

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

miffed that Elias canceled on him. He bets Elias didn't even
have to work; he just decided to not go out with Joshua.

Of course that's before he passes the common room and

catches the eight o'clock news bulletin. Apparently there's a
huge fire in a department store in Queens; the camera pans
over masses of ambulances and fire trucks, throwing in a few
closeups of smoke billowing out of exploded windows for good
measure.

Joshua stares at the screen, feeling anxious all of a

sudden. He knows Elias is probably there somewhere, in the
building or on the outside, and even though he doesn't even
know the guy he gets all nervous. He realizes suddenly that
this is what it would be like all the time if he dated Elias for
real.

The news moves on to a shooting in lower Manhattan and

he finds himself wanting to change the channel, see if he can
find any more reports on the fire. He stands in the doorway
for a few moments before he decides not to do it. The reports
would only worry him anyway; it's not like they would give
Elias' name, and catching a glimpse of him among all the
people milling outside would be virtually impossible.

He walks down farther down the hall and slips into his

room, sitting down on the edge of his bed. Carlo, his Italian
roommate, is not yet back from his weekly date with Dan the
Impossible, so for once he has the room to himself. Usually,
he uses his alone time to have a leisurely wank, but at the
moment he's not really in the mood.

He keeps thinking about the smoke coming out of the

windows and the faint scent of fire he'd caught around Elias

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

last night. If Elias calls again, should he turn him down? He
knows it's unfair to judge a book by its cover and he really
liked Elias, but can he face going out with someone that risks
his own life every day?

He sighs and lies back on the bed. His momma likes to tell

him he thinks too much for someone that claims to be
shallow, and he supposes she's right. No matter how much he
likes to pretend he just takes life as it comes, he has a
tendency to turn things over in his brain until it drives him
crazy.

With a sigh he pushes himself up and decides on a shower.

Nothing good ever comes out of moping, as Jeff likes to say,
and occasionally Joshua admits to himself that Jeff's right.
Maybe he should have taken the shift at the garage—after all,
fiddling with cars always calms him down—but it's too late to
get there now and God knows what kind of ideas he would
get during the commute. No, it's better to stay in and make
an early night of it. Hopefully Elias will call in the morning.

Elias isn't sure what makes him pick up the phone and,

even as he goes through the numbers on his cell, he tells
himself it's a stupid idea. Still, five seconds later finds him
with the phone pressed to his ear, waiting for someone to
pick up on the other end. He doesn't even know what he
wants to say, he's tired and achy and all he really wants is to
sleep.

"Joshua." He sounds sleepy and confused, like Elias just

woke him up.

"Hey," he says. "It's Elias."
"Hey," Joshua says.

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The silence stretches out between them. Elias leans his

head against the phone, listening to Joshua's steady breaths.

"Rough night?" Joshua asks.
"Yeah." Elias exhales. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called."
"It's okay. Really. I saw the news earlierE" Joshua is silent

for a moment. "I kinda worried about you."

Elias smiles, prying his eyes open to stare at his alarm

clock. "It was awful," he says, recalling the screams and the
people running around in panic. "No one thinks to look for fire
exits, they just react, panic."

"YeahE Did a lot of people get hurt?"
"Luckily, no. There was a lot more smoke than there was

fire, so aside from a couple of broken bones, people inhaling a
lot more smoke than is healthy, and an old lady having a
heart attack, no one was really hurt."

"That's good." Joshua sounds as if he's half-asleep again

and Elias realizes he should let him sleep.

"You wanna grab that beer?"
"Now?" Joshua sounds startled.
"UhE yeah." Because that's how you act like a sane person

and let people sleep.

"YeahE Okay."
Elias is totally going to backtrack and take it back, but

Joshua sounds kinda adorable when he's sleepy and
apparently it's fully possible to cultivate a crush while trying
to get people out of a burning building.

"I'll pick you up in... forty-five minutes?"
"Sounds good," Joshua says.

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He bites down on the impulse to ask Joshua if he's naked,

because really, what's wrong with him? But he still imagines
that Joshua is and that the ruffling he hears is Joshua
scrambling to get into his clothes. He's fucked, truly fucked.

"Okay," Elias says. "I'll see you in a while then."
"Okay. Bye."
Joshua hangs up, and Elias just sits there with the phone

in his hand. He's not sure what made him call Joshua in the
first place, but he's pretty sure it got nothing to do with beer
and everything to do with what Joshua might look like naked.
It just feels strange, because he's not normally that type of
straightforward guy. He's not going to assume anything,
though; Joshua might not be interested in any kind of
relations, least of all sexual.

"Are you going somewhere?" Carlo sounds sleepy, like

Joshua just woke him up by getting out of bed.

"Yeah," Joshua says, pulling his jeans on.
"In the middle of the night?" Carlo sounds kind of

confused, rightly so, of course. Joshua's not normally the type
to suddenly run out once he's gone to bed. "Did something
happen?"

"Nah." Joshua hesitates, but Carlo's a good friend; he's not

going to laugh at Joshua if things turn sour. "You know the
fireman I told you about?"

"Yeah?" Carlo's head peeks over the edge of his bunk,

keen interest in his expressive eyes.

"He called." Joshua can't keep from smiling like an idiot,

because, yeah, Elias called.

"Now?"

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"Yeah."
Carlo chuckles and sits up, the covers falling down to pool

in his lap. "Booty call," he says, waggling his eyebrows.

Joshua makes a displeased sound, but in all honesty he

kinda hopes that Carlo is right. He doesn't really want to be
the fuck-when-you-feel-like-it-guy, but damn if he wouldn't
let Elias use him any way Elias pleased. It's stupid, because
they don't really know each other, but Joshua would happily
bend over for Elias any time.

"Oh, you know you want it," Carlo says, sticking his tongue

out.

Joshua shrugs, but he can't help his grin. "Yeah, maybe I

do," he admits.

He knows that agreeing to see Elias now is all kinds of

stupid. He's got an early class tomorrow, one of those classes
that he can't really afford to miss, and he barely knows the
guy. For all he knows, Elias could be some sort of psycho. He
can't deny the thrill he feels at the thought of seeing Elias,
though, and he wouldn't exactly mind if things progressed to
the horizontal kind of fun, no matter how early his class. He
went to bed at nine after all; it's not like he needs that much
sleep.

It takes him a lot less than forty-five minutes to get ready

and freshen up. He's not entirely happy about his hair, or the
pillow creases still on his cheek, but if Elias wakes someone
up in the middle of the night he's just gonna have to take
whatever he gets. That doesn't stop Joshua from cleaning up
quite thoroughly, though, or using what might in hindsight

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have been too much cologne, so much that he has to wash
some off.

He doesn't want to be standing at the curb like some idiot

when Elias shows up, but he's still five minutes early when he
walks out of the dorm. He shouldn't have worried, though,
because Elias is already waiting at the curb, leaning against
the truck with a smile on his lips.

"Hey," Joshua says.
"Hey," Elias answers.
They look at each other as Joshua walks closer, and he

feels kinda stupid. It's not like they really know each other,
and it's one freaking a.m. Elias is looking fine though, one
foot propped up against the truck and his hands shoved into
the pockets of his jeans. He's wearing his FDNY jacket, zipped
up against the night chill.

"Hey," Joshua says again, when he's close enough to

touch.

"Hey," Elias answers with a smile.
They look at each other for another few moments and then

Joshua laughs. "Okay," he says. "This is awkward."

Elias laughs too before running his tongue over his lips.

"Yeah. Awkward."

Joshua's eyes are drawn to the movement, staring at the

way Elias' lip glistens with spit. He really wants to lean
forward and just kiss Elias, holding him captive against the
truck with his body, but he's not going to. It might be one
a.m., but this is New York and the streets are never empty.

"Wanna go for a ride?" Elias asks.

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"Okay," Joshua answers, dragging his eyes back to Elias'

face.

They don't talk much once they're in the truck. Joshua's

quite content just watching Elias drive, and he doesn't even
ask where they are going. Elias doesn't seem to know either
and, after half an hour of mindless driving, he pulls up to the
curb outside the dorms.

"I don't know why I called you," Elias says, turning the

engine off and staring straight ahead. "It's not like... I don't
know."

"It's okay," Joshua says, reaching over and petting Elias'

knee. "I don't know why I said yes."

"It's just... Yesterday, meeting you... It was just... It felt

good, and it's been a while since I felt like that and... this's
been a really crappy day and I just wanted to feel good for a
while."

Elias turns to look at him with nothing but complete

honesty in his eyes, and Joshua wants to kiss him so bad. He
looks tired, like he's on his very last leg, and Joshua wants to
take him up to his dorm and tuck him into bed, even though
it's not really allowed and he's got Carlo sleeping in the same
room. Joshua licks his lips and bends forward, keeping his
eyes locked with Elias' to see if it's okay. Elias doesn't pull
away: if anything, he leans into Joshua, meeting him halfway.

The first touch of their lips is electric, sending a bolt of

lightning down Joshua's spine to pool in his groin. He's not
sure what he expected, but it wasn't this raw desire, this
urgency that flares up between them—Elias' fingers threading
in his hair, his own hands pawing at Elias in a clumsy attempt

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to get closer. He allows himself to get lost in the kiss, eyes
closed and mouth open, letting everything else fade to
background noise, until Elias pushes him away, panting for
breath.

"Not here," Elias says, wiping his lips with the back of his

hand. "Jesus."

Joshua blinks and looks around, remembers where they

are with a flush creeping up his cheeks.

"Sorry," he mumbles, straightening up.
"No," Elias says, reaching out and touching his thigh. "I

didn't mean it like that."

Joshua nods, smiles, and licks his lips. He doesn't miss the

way Elias' eyes follow the movement.

"I have to work after school tomorrow," Joshua says,

looking out the window. "Pick me up around ten?"

"At the garage?"
"Yeah."
"I'll be there."
Joshua turns to Elias, grins, and whispers a kiss against his

cheek. "Drive safely," he murmurs and then he jumps out of
the truck, walking past it and toward the entrance to the
dorms without looking back.

Elias is sure that overnight he was possessed by a fourteen

year old girl. He spends all day, once he manages to drag
himself out of bed, cleaning the house, particularly the
bedroom, making sure everything looks perfect. He changes
the sheets, and then he thinks that it's expecting too much
and decides to change them back, but stops himself before he
can, because he can't remember the last time he did change

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the sheets and that probably means it was well overdue
anyway.

He changes his outfit ten times, fiddles with his hair so

much he ends up having to wash it again because all the
products make it icky, and he's still almost an hour early to
pick Joshua up. The lights are on in the garage and once he
turns the engine off, idling at the curb, he can hear classical
music filtering out from a half-open window.

He stays in the truck for fifteen minutes, eyes trained on

the closed garage door, before he finally gets out. He
suddenly feels stupid, as if he's trying too hard. He knocks on
the garage door, pushes it open anyway when there's no
answer.

Joshua's bent over a car, ass sticking out as he works

inside the engine, swaying almost imperceptibly in time with
the music. Elias is mesmerized by the sight, by the way the
overalls stretch taut over the rounded globes, bunching at the
top of Joshua's thighs. He coughs to get Joshua's attention
and Joshua peeks out from under the hood, grinning at him.

"Is it ten already?" he asks. "I must have lost track of

time."

"I'm a little early," Elias admits. "But I can wait if you have

to finish up."

"I'm just about done here," Joshua says, disappearing

under the hood again.

Elias leans against the door, feeling awkward. He wants to

say something, explain why he's so early, but what's there to
say other than I couldn't wait to see you? Besides, it's not like

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he's that early. Joshua doesn't know he spent pretty much all
day getting ready, doesn't have to know.

Joshua makes a pleased sound, clonks around some more,

and then straightens up, wiping a greasy hand over his face.
He looks at Elias again and grins.

"You're looking nice," he says. "Makes me feel under-

dressed."

Elias smiles back, doesn't feel quite as much of a dork.

Joshua moves closer but stops half a step away with an
expansive gesture at himself.

"Maybe I should wash first, wouldn't want to get you

dirty."

Elias reaches out and touches Joshua's face, smudging the

oil stain on his cheek. Joshua turns his face into the touch,
eyes fluttering closed.

"I should wash," Joshua says again, balling his hands at

his sides.

Elias lets his hand slide into the hair behind Joshua's ear

and around to cup the back of his neck, tresses of hair
winding around his fingers, thick and soft. He steps closer,
doesn't miss the shiver that goes through Joshua's body.

"I wouldn't mind getting dirty," Elias says, lust coiling low

in his stomach.

"Don't say shit like that unless you mean it," Joshua

answers, eyes opening suddenly, vibrant hazel almost
obscured by black.

Elias shuts him up with a kiss, slow, hot, slick, and

amazing. Joshua tastes faintly of mint, something like engine
oil, and a lot like himself, heady and potent. Elias runs his

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tongue over Joshua's gums, rubs up to his tongue and groans
deep in his throat when Joshua gives back as good as he
gets. Elias lets his free hand curl around one of Joshua's tense
biceps, fingers digging into hard muscle as the kiss deepens.
Joshua's the first one to break free, sucking in air in needy
gasps.

"Want to touch you," he says, voice hoarse.
Elias moves his hands to press against Joshua's chest, hot

through the coarse fabric of his overalls.

"There are a lot of things I want," he murmurs, sucking a

kiss against Joshua's throat.

"Anything," Joshua answers, tilting his head back. "You

can have anything."

Elias finds the zipper going up the front of the overalls and

tugs it down to Joshua's waist, sliding his hands inside to
meet with nothing but bare, silky skin. The overalls slide
down over Joshua's shoulders, pulling his arms back and
trapping him, bulging pecs standing out in stark relief, the
tiny aureoles of his nipples too tempting to leave unattended.

Elias sucks kisses down Joshua's throat, sliding his tongue

over salty skin to the base of Joshua's throat and then down,
mapping out bones, muscles, and flesh to the center of his
chest, hands tight around both Joshua's biceps now, feeling
them strain against the feeble restraints.

"Jesus," Joshua groans, moving closer, pushing his skin

against Elias' lips.

Elias smiles, licks a stripe along the edge of one pec, and

then moves up to find the tight nub of a nipple. He traces the

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puckered skin with his tongue, making it grow harder against
his lips, before sucking the tiny nub into his mouth.

"Fuck," Joshua moans on the exhale, wrenching one hand

free to cup the back of Elias' head, keeping him close.
"Jesus."

Elias laughs, breathless and exhilarated, and bites down

gently, only to have Joshua back him up against the wall with
a thud.

"Tease," Joshua growls, using his grip on Elias' head to

force him to look up, capturing his lips in a punishing kiss.

One of Joshua's long thighs slides in between Elias' legs,

trapping him against the door and rubbing up against his
aching cock. This time Elias moans, hips pushing up against
Joshua's of their own volition, as if he no longer has any
control of his body. Joshua gets the other hand free and cups
Elias' face to tilt it up for another long, messy kiss, rubbing
against him with slow, sinuous moves that have Elias' pulse
throbbing in his ears.

He moves his hands to grip Joshua's slim hips, pulling

them even closer, angling Joshua to get more friction, but it
seems no matter how close they get it's not enough. It's not
enough to feel the hard ridge of Joshua's cock burn him
through layers of clothing; he needs to feel it against his skin.
He moves one of his hands, fumbling for the zipper tab just
below Joshua's belly button and pulling it further down,
sliding his hand into the open vee to meet with nothing but
skin and coarse hair tickling his fingertips.

Joshua wrenches free to gasp, the sound going straight to

Elias' throbbing cock, and he rubs up against Joshua's thigh,

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twisting his hips for more friction. He buries his face against
Joshua's neck, panting wet and hot over skin that smells like
grease, oil, and, faintly, sweat. It shouldn't turn him on as
much as it does, but it pulls a moan from his lips, makes him
angle his hips, straddling Joshua's thigh even more.

He dips his hand further down the front of Joshua's

overalls, squishes it between their bodies to be able to wrap
his fingers around the thick length of Joshua's cock, silky and
wet with precome. Joshua groans, pushing his hips into Elias'
hand and reaching down to curl his hands around Elias' ass,
pulling up and closer until Elias' feet leave the ground, the
taut line of his back pressed hard against the door.

He hooks his free hand around Joshua's shoulders,

admiring the strength hidden under Joshua's slick skin,
insanely turned on by being handled like a rag doll. There's
no finesse in his pawing of Joshua's cock, doesn't need to be
with the way Joshua thrusts into him, making the door rattle
with every move. He hides his noises against Joshua's
shoulder, letting himself get fucked through layers of clothing
until he can't think beyond slick, hard, hot fuck.

Joshua's fingers dig hard into his ass, sending a ripple of

pleasure through his thighs and pulling the fabric of his jeans
tight over his cock, making everything feel just that much
better. He's never come in his pants before, not even as a
teenager, but he does so now, digging his teeth into Joshua's
shoulder, screaming out the pleasure that borders on pain.
Joshua moves even closer, rubbing up against his hips and
hand a couple more times before he comes too, spilling wet
and hot all over Elias' fingers and their clothes.

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"Jesus fuck," Joshua says, gently relaxing his hold on Elias'

ass and lowering him so that his feet touch the ground.

"Yeah," Elias agrees, pulling his hand out of Joshua's soiled

overalls and wiping it ineffectually against his shirt.

Joshua laughs, tilts Elias' head up for a kiss, and steps

back. "Let me look at you," he says, voice a purr and eyes
glimmering dangerously.

Elias groans, a twitch of renewed interest spreading

pleasure-pain through his lower abdomen. He lets his head
fall back against the door, legs spread wide, more bowlegged
than ever, and shirt rucked up over his waist.

"Stay like that," Joshua rasps against his ear. "Gotta

change and close up."

Elias nods, turns his face slightly against Joshua's, and

gets a kiss for his trouble. Doesn't think he could move if he
wanted to.

"I'll be right back," Joshua says, and then the heat of his

body is gone, his sneakers barely making a sound against the
concrete floor.

Joshua washes up best he can, scrubbing the oil from his

hands and face and the come out of his pubes. He can't stop
thinking about Elias leaning back against the door, messy and
wonderful, and it doesn't take more than a cursory wash with
lukewarm water for his cock to start growing again, hanging
half hard and swollen between his legs. He's not sure what it
is about Elias, but it's been ages since he came so hard, or
was so easily turned on.

He shrugs into his day clothes, leaving the top two buttons

of his jeans undone to accommodate his steadily growing

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cock and stuffing the hoodie into his shoulder bag. He reaches
down to adjust himself, ends up rubbing himself fully hard,
thighs and hips tingling with renewed desire. Elias makes him
feel fourteen again, heady with desire and the exploration of
another's body.

Elias is exactly where Joshua left him, doesn't even look up

when Joshua turns the radio off, the long line of his throat
exposed to Joshua's greedy eyes. Joshua pauses with his
fingers on the light switch, drinking in the sight of Elias. He's
the picture of perfection with his legs spread wide and his
head bent back. The wet spot spreading at the crotch of his
jeans and the dirt stains on his shirt do nothing to lessen his
almost surreal beauty.

He's got oil smeared on his face, smudged prints of

Joshua's hands, and Joshua's willing to bet that if he turned
around there would be matching prints on his ass. The
thought sends a shiver of possessive excitement through
Joshua's loins, and his cock grows even harder.

"You have no idea what you look like right now," Joshua

says, keeping his voice low and dirty.

Elias' eyes flutter open, and he looks at Joshua through

hooded eyes. "You're one to talk," he murmurs, eyes trailing
down Joshua's chest to his crotch, where his cock bulges the
fabric of his jeans. One of his eyebrows rises slightly.
"Already?"

"Oh yeah," Joshua says, hitting the light switch.
Elias' laugh rings out in the darkness, and Joshua hears

him move, sees the faint outline of his shape, and he comes
closer.

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"It's a good thing I don't live very far, then," Elias says,

pressing up against Joshua's side and kissing him just below
the jaw line.

One of Elias' hands slides around his waist to press against

the sliver of skin where his shirt's pulled up and he groans,
cock twitching vainly. Elias dips his hand lower for a moment,
ghosting over Joshua's straining hardness before stepping
away.

"Let's go then," he says, laughter still dancing in his voice.
"Bastard," Joshua grumbles, but Elias just laughs, moving

ahead to push the door open.

Joshua was right about the handprints on Elias' ass, and he

can't stop looking at them on their way to the truck; the sight
makes him feel feverish, too hot for his skin. He slips in on
the passenger side, dropping his bag between his feet and
shifting until he finds a way to sit that's at least semi-
comfortable for his bloodheavy dick.

Elias keeps glancing at him, moving one hand to rest on

his thigh, high enough to be teasing without actually doing
anything to help the pressure building below Joshua's zipper.

"So fucking hot," Elias says, stealing glances as he

maneuvers the truck out of the lot in front of the garage.
"Open another button."

Joshua's cock twitches at the thought and he willingly pops

another button, pulling the fly apart to let Elias see the slick
head of his cock peeping out.

"Fuck," Elias groans, truck swerving dangerously as he

tightens his fingers on Joshua's thigh.

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The truck is high enough that no one in a regular car

would be able to see in, but anyone in an SUV or a larger
truck could easily see them like this, Joshua's cock peeking
out and Elias' fingers tight on his thigh. The danger somehow
makes it even hotter, makes Joshua shift restlessly, every
glance from Elias feeling like a caress.

"More," Elias grinds out, eyes on the road, but the rustle of

fabric and Joshua's faint groan as he follows the instructions
makes Elias look again, biting down on his lip.

Elias' hand moves higher, until his fingertips brush the

inside of Joshua's thigh just below his balls, and Joshua
moans again, unable to keep his hips from jerking. He doesn't
think he's ever felt so hot, so daring, and he catches Elias'
eyes for a moment before wrapping his fingers around Elias'
wrist, pulling that hand down to cup his balls through his
jeans.

"Yeah," he groans when Elias squeezes lightly. "God,

yeah."

His cock dribbles precome onto his stomach, twitching with

eagerness, and it's all he can do not to touch, balling his
hands at his sides and staring down the line of the road.
There's not too much traffic, just a random car here and
there, but every time he sees one coming closer he stiffens,
cock jerking against its restraints. Elias opens and closes his
hand in a hypnotic rhythm, milking Joshua's balls until it feels
as if he'll explode if he doesn't get to come soon, gasps and
moans spilling from his swollen lips.

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"Does it turn you on that they could see you like this?"

Elias asks, daring another look at him. "See what I'm doing to
you?"

"Yeah," he groans, pushing his hips up, shivering with

excitement. He wants the whole world to see, wants the
whole world to know that Elias is his now, wants them to see
Elias' hand cupping his balls, the slick head of his cock, the
way Elias' cock pushes against his own jeans.

"Open another button," Elias instructs, but when Joshua

looks at him, he's got his eyes on the road again.

He follows Elias' instructions, groaning when his hand

brushes his cock, making it jerk violently, another bout of
precome trickling down on his stomach. Elias tightens the
hold on his balls for a moment, before relaxing and making
his cock jerk feebly again.

"So fucking hot," Elias breathes, eyes skating over

Joshua's cock and his trembling stomach.

"For you," Joshua groans, trying to spread his legs even

wider.

Elias keeps driving in silence for a while, hand keeping up

the hypnotic squeeze and relax on Joshua's balls, the
restrained touch never enough to really get him off but
building the pressure all the same. He loses all sense of
modesty, back arched and head pressed against the headrest
as he thrusts his hips against nothing, slick ropes of precome
stretching between the head of his cock and his stomach.

The truck suddenly swerves to the side, and then jerks to

a stop, making him gasp and open his eyes half in panic. It

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turns out they're in a garage, and he really hopes it's Elias'
because he can't fucking wait any longer.

"So fucking hard," Elias says, a touch of wonder in his

voice as he runs his other hand over Joshua's stomach,
brushing tantalizingly against the head of Joshua's cock.

"Please," he groans, not sure when Elias got to call the

shots, but asking for permission all the same.

His only answer is Elias' tongue, slick and wet over the

head of his cock, and a shockwave of pleasure that almost
makes him scream. Elias' hand presses down on his stomach,
slipping in the slickness of precome, but keeping him still all
the same as his tongue laps over Joshua's cock with curious
little kitten licks. Joshua thinks he's dying, the pressure
building in his belly too intense, making sweat run in rivulets
over his face and down his back.

"I'm gonna..." he warns, at the same times as his stomach

cramps up and he shoots all over Elias' face and his own
shirt; Elias' hand on his balls milking him dry and making him
spasm, straining against the seatbelt.

Elias laughs, rubs his tongue against the underside until

Joshua simply can't come anymore, his cock twitching with
aftershocks as he collapses against the door. He blinks his
eyes open and looks at Elias, grinning at the way Elias wipes
come from his face with the edge of his shirt.

"And you call me a tease," Elias growls when he catches

him looking, grabbing Joshua's hair and pulling him into a
kiss. "Thought I'd run us both off the road, the show you
were putting on."

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Joshua chuckles, kisses him back, lax and sated for now.

"So's this your place?"

"Thankfully," Elias says dryly, licking his lips. "Wanna head

inside?"

"Oh yeah," Joshua says, already thinking about the next

round when he spots those handprints again. Damn Elias and
his hot ass.

Elias doesn't even make it inside before Joshua's caught up

with him, pressing him up against the door to the kitchen
from the garage and kissing him breathless.

"Stupid handprints," Joshua breathes against his lips,

before capturing them in another kiss.

"Handprints?" Elias manages to get out between kisses.
Joshua grabs his ass for an answer, lifting him up into the

kiss and yeah, that's totally a valid answer as far as Elias is
concerned. Somehow he manages to get the door open, and
they stumble into the kitchen in a tangle of limbs that comes
to an abrupt stop against the refrigerator.

"Hungry?" Elias tries when Joshua lets him up for air,

because he planned for this to go a little slower and maybe
involve some late-night snacking.

Joshua laughs, low and raspy. "Not for food."
Elias is pulled into another kiss, and he wraps his arms

around Joshua's neck and just hangs on for the ride. Joshua's
hands seem to be everywhere, leaving scorching trails across
his body, until it feels as if he's going to die if he doesn't get
to come soon.

"Bedroom," he rasps between desperate gasps for air.

"Upstairs."

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Joshua somehow manages to maneuver them into the

living room amidst needy kisses and gropes, half-dragging,
half-carrying Elias along. Once there, he spots the stairs and
simply scoops Elias into his arms, carrying him.

"Hey," Elias says, pulling out of the haze. "Put me down."
"Oh, shut up," Joshua answers, kissing his nose and

almost toppling them over. "You know you think it's hot."

Elias pouts, but he doesn't contest the statement. It's not

hot to be carried around like a girl, but it is kind of hot that
Joshua carries Elias' weight as if it's nothing, his biceps
bulging and twisting as he changes his grip.

"I'm too heavy," Elias tries, going for the Biggest Girl of

the Year award.

Joshua snorts. "I've lugged around girls that weigh more

than you... Are you eating enough?"

It's some sort of satisfaction that Joshua almost kneels at

the last step, straightening up so suddenly that Elias thinks
they're falling over, clinging to Joshua with a startled sound.
Joshua laughs, dropping Elias' feet so that he's standing up
again and promptly pressing him up against the nearest wall,
sending a picture of Elias with his family careening to the
ground with a clatter.

"Sorry," Joshua murmurs against his neck.
"It's okay," Elias says and then again, when Joshua makes

them knock another frame over.

From that point on it's a comedy of errors that leaves Elias'

upstairs hall in tatters until they finally fall through the
bedroom door, stumbling over the floor until the bed halts
their progress and cushions their fall quite nicely.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"Love your house," Joshua says, straightening up to look

around, and Elias can't help the laughter that bubbles up
because apparently his house doesn't love Joshua back.

Joshua laughs too, burying his face against Elias' chest for

a moment, breath moistening his shirt and making goose
bumps rise all over his skin. Then Joshua starts undressing
him, slow and meticulous with playful kisses and nips until
he's writhing on the bed, one hand buried in Joshua's hair in
an attempt to keep that infuriating mouth against his skin,
the other balled in the sheets.

"Tell me what you like," Joshua murmurs, dragging his

mouth up the center of Elias' chest.

"You," Elias gasps out, clenching his fingers in Joshua's

hair. He doesn't mean to say it, has learned his lessons about
being clingy and overbearing, but Joshua just laughs, nibbling
along his collarbone.

"Where do you like to be touched?" he whispers. "What

makes you ache?"

Elias swallows, shifts to spread his legs and allow Joshua's

roaming hands better access. "Nipples," he gasps. "I like...
nipples."

"Too easy," Joshua answers, but rakes a hand up Elias'

ribs to pinch his nipples all the same.

Elias groans, spreads his legs even wider, hoping for

Joshua to get the hint and do something about the fiery heat
of his cock.

"Tell me more," Joshua says, mouth against Elias' bicep

now, and how does he expect Elias to be able to think, let
alone talk when he's setting every nerve ending on fire?

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"Neck," he manages to get out, arching his back when

Joshua's clever fingers pinch his nipple again.

Joshua makes a pleased sound, and suddenly Elias finds

himself being flipped over onto his stomach, groaning when
the sheets rub against his rigid cock. Elias shivers, balling the
sheets up in his hands, when Joshua ghosts fingers over the
back of his neck. Then Joshua's hand trails lower, following
the dip of his spine to the rounded globes of his ass, pressing
a kiss to the back of his neck instead.

"You like that?" Joshua asks, letting the tip of his tongue

trace a circle on Elias' skin.

"Yeah," Elias manages to stutter out, pressing his flaming

face into the pillows.

Joshua chuckles, trailing a line of kisses from Elias' neck

down his spine, tonguing each vertebra until Elias feels as if
his entire back is made out of erogenous zones.

"How 'bout this?" Joshua asks, big hands spreading Elias'

cheeks. "Do you like this?"

Joshua's exhale floods warm and moist over Elias' opening,

sending shivers skittering up and down his back, possibly
short-circuiting a few synapses in his brain. He wants to
answer that he doesn't know, that no one's ever done that to
him, but he can't find the words, can't even think over the
rush of blood in his ears.

"I think you'll like it," Joshua murmurs, his voice

thrumming through Elias' ears, reverberating down his legs
and up again, adding to the wet spot underneath him.

The first touch of Joshua's tongue to his hole is awkward

more than exciting, weird and slick and warm, making him

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

shiver inside out. He tries to move away, but Joshua won't let
him, big hands capturing his hips and pulling him to his knees
instead. The second touch is electrifying, pulling a groan from
his dry lips and sending another bout of precome trickling
from the head of his dick.

He kind of loses track after that, of Joshua, of himself, of

everything; all he can do is pant for breath, angle his hips for
more, and hope that he doesn't black out before he gets to
come. Fingers join Joshua's tongue, relentless and long and
slick and perfect, stretching him open so agonizingly slow that
he's sure he's died several times over. It's never been like
this before, never this hot, this wet, this fantastic. He likes
sex as much as the next man (i.e. a whole damned lot), but
this is way more than he's ever associated with the term. He's
not stupid or inexperienced, he just never knew sex could feel
like this, as if he's been turned inside out several times over,
but in a good way.

"You got any supplies?" Joshua asks, voice rough-hoarse

and urgent, and Elias gets the feeling it's not the first time
he's asked.

"Drawer," he pants, word spoken halfway into the pillow.
Joshua must have heard him all the same because

suddenly there's a shift and dip and he's so desperately
empty he aches with it, a moan of protest on his lips before
he's even registered. Then Joshua's back, long body
stretching along his back, thick cock riding the cleft of his ass
as Joshua presses a kiss against his neck.

"This good?" he asks, and Elias thinks he's kinda stupid if

he hasn't figured that out yet.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

There's another shift, and then Joshua's pressing into him,

slow and steady, filling him up until he can't even breathe. It
burns deep in his belly, making his skin ache, but it's so
fucking good he thinks he might be crying.

"Got you," Joshua says, curling a hand around Elias'

shoulder, and it's so stupid that he wants to laugh, but it's
also exactly what it feels like. Joshua's got him, trapped
between hands and cock and lips, panted breaths and
murmured words. Joshua's got him.

The burn fades away as Joshua starts to move, minute

shifts of his hips to begin with, but it soon turns into more
and faster, long hard thrusts that makes Elias' knees slide
over the sheets, the top of his head banging against the
headboard.

"Easy," Joshua says, one of his hands coming up to curl

around Elias' head, as if it's Elias' fault that he's unable to
care for himself.

Another couple of thrusts and Joshua pulls him up and

back, arms strong around his chest, supporting his weight
when he flops forward like a rag doll. Joshua's huge within
him, huge and hard and fucking wonderful, sending bolts of
pleasure through him with every thrust. He turns his head so
that Joshua can kiss him, is rewarded with demanding lips
and slick tongue, and he forces his eyes open to see. Joshua's
hair is a mess, clinging to his forehead in sweaty strands, and
his arms across Elias' chest shake with the strain. Elias looks
down to his cock, swollen with need, angry red and slick with
precome. He wants to touch, but when he raises his hand it

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

curls around Joshua's arm instead, holding on for the
increasingly erratic thrusts.

Joshua presses kisses against his shoulder and neck,

groans hot and moist against his skin. Another thrust and
Joshua's changing the angle slightly, cock skittering across
that magic bundle of nerves inside and just like that Elias is
coming and coming and coming. He reaches down to touch,
sliding his hand over his steely cock, prolonging the pleasure
until he just can't take any more.

One of Joshua's hands slides down to join Elias' caressing

his cock, spreading the slickness of come over his skin, until
Joshua comes too, with a last staccato of thrusts that has
Elias seeing stars. They collapse sideways on the bed in a
tangle of limbs, Joshua still buried deep inside of him.

They stay like that for a few minutes, struggling to catch

their breaths. Then Joshua slowly pulls out and Elias winces.
He always feels odd afterward, too empty and a little sore.

"Trashcan?" Joshua asks, his voice still rough and a little

out of breath.

Elias blinks and looks around as if he's a stranger in his

own home. "Uh... side of the bed."

The bed dips and shifts when Joshua moves, but then he's

back, stretching out along Elias' back and sliding an arm
around his waist. It feels good, natural, and Elias' eyes start
to slide shut. He's not sure the day went exactly as he
planned, but he's certainly not complaining.

* * * *

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

Elias's pretty much out for the count, so Joshua's the one

that finds a bathroom and wet towels to clean them up and
manages to maneuver them off the covers and into the bed.
Elias mostly just blinks sleepily at him through the whole
ordeal, muttering something about an Energizer bunny that
makes Joshua grin.

When they're finally settled, under the covers and

snuggled tight, just the way Joshua likes it, he allows himself
to relax, eyes drifting shut. He shouldn't fall asleep, he should
find a way to get back to the dorms because he's got another
early class tomorrow, but he's just so comfortable.

It doesn't feel awkward like it usually does after the first

time he's had sex with someone; it feels good, relaxed. Elias
is a warm weight against his shoulder, one hand flat on his
chest, and it's all too easy to envision falling asleep like this
every night for the rest of forever.

The thing is, Joshua doesn't know where he'll be three

months from now. After his graduation he could end up
anywhere, it all depends on what company wants him, if any.
It's the universe's way of throwing him a curveball, meeting
the perfect guy at a time when he doesn't have time for a guy
at all.

"I don't know if I can make this work," he says, realizing

too late that he said it out loud.

Elias stirs against his side and lifts his head. "Make what

work?" he asks.

"This." Joshua makes a vague gesture to encompass him

and Elias and everything they are at the moment.

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

"Oh." Elias puts his head down again. "Is it okay if I

pretend that you can?"

A smile tugs at Joshua's lips. "Yeah," he says, running a

hand through Elias' hair. "Yeah, it is."

* * * *

In the end they're not perfect, but striving to be. They

stagger along punch-drunk on laughter, intimacy, and too
much sex for three months, trying their best to get time to
see each other and failing most of the time. Joshua's school
and work schedules get more insane the closer he gets to
graduation, and a vicious flu epidemic leaves Elias' station
understaffed for most of that time, but when they do meet it's
easy and fun and laughs and sex, making it worth their while.

Elias comes to Joshua's graduation performance decked

out in a tux and with a single red rose in his hand. He claps
so much he's got bruises to show for it, and at the reception
Joshua introduces him to his parents, pleased when his
mother immediately takes Elias under her wing.

Joshua gets job offers from all over, but the one he finally

decides to take is with The New York City Ballet and it's not
only because of Elias. The New York City Ballet has a good
reputation, offers him good money, and he'll get to work with
some of the dancers he's admired for years... Who's he
kidding? It's totally for Elias, and totally worth it, too.

The End

Not Perfect, But Striving to Be

by Jey Hawkes

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