DEADLYOBSESSION

J.LEA

DeadlyObsession

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DeadlyObsessionisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andeventsaretheproductoftheauthor’s
imagination.Anyresemblancetoevents,locations,orpersons,livingordead,iscoincidental.ExceptforFenway
Parkandthestatesthisstoryishappeningin,theseareallreal!

Allrightsreserved.Withoutlimitingtherightsundercopyrightreservedabove,nopartofthispublication
maybereproduced,stored,ortransmitted,inanyform,orbyanymeans(electronic,mechanical,
photocopying,recording,orotherwise)withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthecopyrightowner.

PROLOGUE

April

WHEREISIT

?Whereisit?Please,behere.Please.I'mfeverishlyrummagingthrough

mypurse,mypanicincreasingwitheachpassingsecond.Dumpingthecontentsonto
thefloor,I’mabouttogiveupallhopewhenmyeyesfinallylandonitand,sighing
withrelief,Isqueezeittightlyinmyfist.Mywayoutofhere.

Unfortunatelymyreliefiscutshortas,inthenextmoment,Ifeelanalready

familiarpainstartingtospreadallovermybody.

“No!”Ishriekweakly,andmyeyeswidenasmylimbsareturningtolead.Awkwardly,

Ireachtowardthesourceofthepain,butmyarmdoesn’twanttoobeyandmyvision
turnsblurry,fasterthistime.Imanagetoturnaround.He’sstandinginfrontofmewith
anemptyneedleinhishandandI’mslowlyfallingtotheground...

ONE

Threemonthsearlier

April

IHURRY

tothemake-upchairwithahotcupofcoffeeIgrabbedafterIfinisheda

meetingwiththedirectorandtheTVcrew,anddumpthestackofpapersonthedesk.

AlittleoverfourmonthshavepassedsinceI’dgottenmyownTVshow.It’snot

reallymyshow,asIhaveaco-host,butstill—myshow!Canyouimagine?Idreamt
aboutitsinceIwasalittlegirl.It’snotananchorspotyet,butit’sabigstepupforme.
It’salsototallydifferentfromhowIimaginedhostingashowasalittlegirl,butit’sfar
fromboring.TherearemanychallengesIhavetoface,likeimprovisationand
sometimesacting.Ihavetosmile,eventhoughmydaywasawful,andIneedtocome
upwiththeideasforourshow,butI’mhandlingitliketheprofessionalIam.Myjob
neverceasestoamazeme.MostmorningsI’matthestudiowellbeforeeveryoneelse,
eventhoughIdon’tneedtobe.

BeforeIgotthisposition,myworkingschedulewasallovertheplace.Itookevery

journalism-relatedjobthatwassentmyway—fromfieldcorrespondence,interviewing,
andfilminggalaevents,toboringnewscoverage.Workingfromtheearlymorning
hoursuntildarknessalreadysettledoverthecitywasmydailyroutine.Now,Iusually
gettoworkaround8amandattendameetingortwowiththeexecssowecangoover
afewideasfortheshow,choosenewguests,andironovertheremainingdetailsthat
maketheshowperfect.Icomehomeearlyintheafternoon,whichisapleasantchange
fromthehecticscheduleIwasworkingasanintern.

Onproductionday,Iusuallyworkthewholeday.Ihostalivenighttimetalkshow,

andthatmeanswecan’taffordtomakeanymistakesonair.

“Fivemoreminutes,okay?”Heathersticksherheadintothedressingroom.She’s

theonewhodoesmagicthingstomymake-upandhair,soIlookcamera-ready.

“Okay,”Inod,andclimbontoahighchairinfrontofahugevanitymirrorwith

lightsontheframe.AsIwait,Iskimthroughthescriptfortonight’sshowonceagain.

“Anotherbouquetcameforyou.”BeforeIcanturnaround,Heatherplacesa

massivebouquetofbeautifulsunflowersontothetable.

Isighheavily.“Hejustwon’tstop.”Grumbling,Ishakemyhead.
“Leo?”Heather’seyebrowshootsupincuriosity,whilerunningherhandsdownthe

curlylengthofmyhair.

“Mostlikely.”Idon’tbotheropeningthecardthat’sattachedtothebouquet.
ThesunflowersareprobablyfromLeo,myex-boyfriend.Webrokeupalittleovera

monthago,and,forthelasttwoweeks,thebouquetshavebeenarrivingatthesetorat
myhomealmosteveryday.ThecardalwaysreadsImissyou,Iloveyou,orYoumean
theworldtome.ButIwon’tchangemymindandtakehimback.Nope.Notgonna
happen.I’mdeterminedtoputthischapterofmylifebehindme.

“Youhavetoadmittheguyistrying,”Heathersaysasshe’stamingmywildcurls,

furiouslyironingmyhairtostyleitintoanelegantupdo.

“I’dratherhe’dmademoreofaneffortwhenwewerestilltogether.Iconstantly

beggedhimtostopdrinking,butitwaslikeIwastalkingtoawall.”

Anddon’tevengetmestartedonhisjealousy.Hewaspainfullyjealousofmyco-

host,ToddPeters-jealousImademoremoneythanhimandjealousIhadamore
successfulcareerthanhim.Hethrewthatinmyfaceonseveraloccasions.His
bitternesscameoutevenmoreviolentlywhenhewasdrunk,whichcamedownto
almosteverydayinthelastweeksIputupwithhim.Heneverlaidahandonme,but
hismeanwordswereviolentenoughtofeellikeIwasconstantlyslapped.Eventually,
heworemedownsobadlyIsawnoothersolutionbuttobreakupwithhim.Hemoved
outofmyhouse,nottoowillinglythough.Mybrotherhadtointervene.Afterwards,I
wasfinallyabletobreatheandbemeagain.

“Iwantsomeexcitementandspontaneityinmyrelationship,notaguyconstantly

lyingaroundonthecouchwatchingsportswithabottleofbeerinhishand.Isthatso
hard?Dotheyevenmakemenlikethisanymore?”IlaughinglyaskHeather.

“Asamatteroffact,theydo.Youcanfindtheminspecializedshopsandonline.

They’recalledvibrators.”Shegrinsathercleverjokeandfinishespinningoneofthe
lastlocksofhairtomyhead.

“Veryfunny.”
“What?Youdon’tagree?They’reexcitingbecausetheyalwaysgetyoutoorgasm;

they’realsospontaneoussinceyoucanusethemanywhereandanytimeyouwant.
Andifyou’refeelingespeciallykinkyanddaring,yousimplyputitintheotherhole,”
shefinishesandshrugs.

Burstingintolaughter,Iholdmybelly.OnlyHeathercansaysomethinglikethatso

nonchalantly.“Yes,amanaftermyheart,”Ising.

“Maybeyoushouldstartlookingforanolderman.Imean,theseyoungstersyou’ve

beendating…youcanbarelycallthemmen.Theylackexperience.TakemyGusfor
example.Iwouldn’ttradehimforanythingintheworld.Oldermenarewaymore
experienced,ifyouknowwhatI’msaying.”Shewiggleshereyebrowsatme.“He
alwaysknowswhichbuttonstopush.”

GusisonlysevenyearsolderthanHeather.At35,he’shardlyanolderman,butif

shesaysso…

“Please,don’tgothereagain.”Ican’tlistentoanymoreofhersexcapadeswithGus.
“Fine,”shehuffs.“WhataboutTodd?He’sbeentryingtogetyououtonadatewith

himeversinceyoustartedworkinghere.Whydon’tyoutakehimintoconsideration?
Sayyes?He’solderthanyou,he’sgood-looking,andIbethe’sabeastbetweenthe
sheets.”Shegrinsandspraysmyhair,thenmovestomyfront.

“He’sthirty,notanolderman.Andhedoesn’twanttodateme.Hejustwantstoget

intomypanties.”

“Well,dependsonhowyoulookatit.He’sfiveyearsyoursenior.Whichmeansfive

yearsmoreexperience.Plus,what’swrongwithgettingintoyourpanties?Don’tsayno
toagoodlay.You’resinglenow.Broadenyourhorizons.”

“Well,Idon’tdatecoworkersforstarters.”That’sapromiseImadetomyself.I

won’teverdipmytoesinthatpoolduetoahorribleexperienceinthepast.Igotintoa
relationshipwithoneofthecameramenwhoIworkedwithinthefield.Boy,whata
nastybreak-upwehad.Wecouldn’tevenbeinthesameroomtogether.So,intheend,
Iwasforcedtofindanewjob.Icouldn’tworkwithhimanymore.

“Ididn’tsayanythingaboutdating,remember?Ahot,passionatenightthatchanges

yourperspectiveonlife.That’swhatI’mtalkingabout.”Shestraightens.“Poutyour
lips,”sheorders,asshefinishespowderingmycheeks,andholdsupalipstick.

“Idon’tthinkso,”Iprotestwhensheallowsmetoopenmymouth,givinghera

cheekygrin.Ipressmylipstogethertospreadtheprettyredlipstickevenly.

Don’tgetmewrong.I’mnotsomeuptightass.It’sjustthatI’vealreadyexperienced

aonenightofunadulteratedpleasure,anightwhenallmyutmosthiddenfantasies
cametolife.Ihadsuchanintenseconnectionwiththemysteriousstrangerwho
rockedmyworld.ItwasanightI’llneverforget,butitwasalsoanightI’mnever
planningtorepeat.Amistake.I’mnotreallysurewhyI’mtryingtopersuademyselfit
wasamistake,sinceIwasinseventhheaven,butthatwomanwasn’ttherealme.It
wasthedisappointmentandthedesperateneedtoforgetthatdrovemeintothearms
ofamanwhodidallthatandmuchmore.Boy,didhehelpmeforgetabouteverything.

“Well,itwasjustasuggestion.”
“I’drathersticktomybattery-operatedfriend,thankyouverymuch,”Iwinkather

asIpushoutofthechair,allglammedupandreadytogo.

“Youlookhot!”Heatherexclaims,proudofherwork.
“Thankstoyou,”Isayovermyshoulder,alreadyonmywaytothestylist,who

pickedoutaskin-tightemeraldgreendresscoveredintinycrystalsformetowear
today.Shepaireditwithblackpeep-toepumps.

WhenIfinallyarriveatthescene,Toddisalreadywaitingformetobeginour

rehearsal.Dressedcasuallyinblackpants,ablazeroverhiswhite-greenshirt,and
tennisshoeswithgreenlaces,helooksdamnhot.Wedosomelightingtests,a
microphonetest,atestrun,andsoonafter,we’rereadytostarttheshow.Whilethe
audienceiscalledinsideandshowntotheirseats,wegetthethumbsupfromourcrew.

“Gooooodevening,Bostonnnn,”Todd’sstrongvoicefillstheroom.“Mynameis

ToddPetersandbymyside,asalways,ismylovelyco-host,AprilBrookes.Wehavean
amazingshowreadyforyoutoday.”Hehasthatpanty-meltingsmileplasteredallover
hisface.Hegentlygrabsmyhandandpressesasoftkisstothebackofitashefinishes
ourintroductions,likehedoeseverytime.

“Welcometothenewepisodeoftheinfamousshow,Celebrity.Holdontoyourseats

becausewehaveatonofscandalousstoriesandjuicydetailsinstoreforyou,asour

nextguestisnoneotherthanthestarofrom-coms,America’ssweetheartandthe
stylishicon,LilyBanks!”Iadd.

Theaudienceburstsintoapplause.ToddandI,withourchemistry,smoothly

navigatetheshow.Weengagewithouraudience,ourcheekybanterandoccasional
flirtingbringsoutthatextralittlesomethingthatattractsviewerseverytime.

ANHOURANDAHALFLATER

,IfinallyhearthemagicwordsIalwayslovetohear.

“Aaandit’sawrap.We’redone!”Thedirector’swordsaregreetedwiththebooming

applausefromourfaithfulaudience.

EventhoughIlovewhatIdo,I’malwaysexhaustedbythetimethecamerasturn

offbecauseIputallofmeintoeverysingleepisode.I’masticklerforperfection,soI
alwaysgiveoutahundredandtenpercent.

ToddandIthankourlovelyguestforjoiningusontheshowonceagain,and,bythe

timewesayourgoodbyes,thestudiohasemptiedout.Iturnonmyheelstogotomy
office,butitdoesn’tescapemyattentionthatToddisstillbyLily’sside,undoubtedly
tryingtocharmherpantsoff,thatcharmingdevil.

“Hey,April,waitasecond,”IhearToddyell,beforeImanagetodisappeararound

thecorner.Asecondlater,hestopsnexttome,breathingheavily.“Youleaving
already?”Hestickshishandsintothepocketsofhispants.

“Yeah,Ijustneedtograbmythingsfirstandchange.Why?”
“MindifIwalkyoutoyourcar?”Iraisemyeyebrowathisseeminglyinnocent

offer,doubtingthat’stheonlythinghe’dliketodo.Toddalwayshasasecretagenda.
Sensingmyhesitation,heraiseshisarmsdefensivelyandsmilesinnocently.“Justwant
towalkyouout.That’sall,sweetcheeks.Youknow,aprettythinglikeyoushouldn’tbe
walkingallaloneinthatdarkparkinggarage.Youcanneverbetoocareful.”Hisarm
snakesaroundmyshouldersandbrieflysqueezesmeintohisside.

“Howthoughtfulofyou,”Isaysarcastically,butstillsmiling,beforeIreachthe

changingroom.

Todd,atthirty,isaTVhostwithlotsofexperience.He’shostedabunchofsuccessful

talkshows,andtheaudienceeatsoutofhishands;theysimplyadorehim.He’sa
professionalandputsallhiseffortsandpassionintohiswork.WhenIheardwhowas
goingtobemyco-hostforCelebrity,Iwasboththrilledandscaredatthesametime.I
couldn’twaittomeethim.I’mstillhappyweworktogether;he’sfuntobearoundwith,
eventhoughhe’sahopelesswomanizerpursuingeverywomanthatcatcheshisfancy.
AndI,apparently,haven’tescapedhisattentiveeyes,ashe’sbeenproposingatumble
betweenthesheets,ashelikestocallit,everychancehegets.Heradiatesconfidence
andIcan’tblamehim.Withhishazel-coloredeyes,trimmedbeardandwickedtongue,
hecancharmeveryfemalethatcrosseshispath.IhavetoadmitI’mnotcompletely
immunetohischarisma;Ioughttohavebeenblindnottobeattractedtohim.ButI’m
notplanningonbreakingmyvowtomyselftonevergetinvolvedwithaco-worker
again.

“Noshenanigans.”Ipokemyindexfingertohischest,grinningupathim,when

he’salreadywaitingformeinfrontofmyofficetowalkmeout.

Alookofcompleteinnocenceappearsonhisface.It’salsocompletelyfake,andhe

provesitwhenhepoutsandfeignshurt:“Anangelsuchasmyself,andshenanigans?
Youmusthaveconfusedmewithsomeotherhandsomefella.”

“Anangel,yeah,right,that’sexactlyhowI’ddescribeyou,”Isnortinlaughter,and

theteasingandbickeringcontinuesallthewaytomycar.

“So,youhungry?”heasks,whenIopenmycar.
“No,”Ianswer.
“Thirsty?”Heraiseshiseyebrows.
“Nope.”Isitinside.
“Horny?”hecontinues,casuallyrestinghisarmonthecardoor,hissmilewide.
“Bye,Todd,”Ishakemyhead,smiling.
“Well,itwasworththeshot.”
“I’msureitwas.Thanksforwalkingmeout.Bye.”
“Bye,sweetcheeks.”Hewinksandwalksbacktohisoffice.

MYLEGSAREBARELYHOLDING

meupasIfinallyreachthefrontdoorofmyhouse.I

pushthehighheelsoffmyachingfeet,dumpmykeysandpurse,alongwiththemail,
onthecabinet,andreachdowntopickupmyfluffygreyballoffurthatpatiently
awaitedmebythedoorthesecondIgotin.Runningmypalmdownhergorgeoushair,
sheletsoutasatisfiedpurr.Bellaismycat,mypreciousbaby.She’ssosoftandcuddly.
SheremindsmeofateddybeareverytimeIsqueezehertome.Herbigfelineeyes
blinkslowly,andsheburiesherheadintomyneck.

“Didyoumissme,sweetie?”WithBellastillpressedtightlytomychest,Istrolldown

thewarmwoodblockfloortothekitchen.Reachingfortheboxofcatfood,Iofferhera
treat.Bellajumpsdownanddisappearsaroundthecorner.

BellaisaBritishshorthaircat,anidealpetforsomeonelikemewhoworksalot.Her

breedisn’tpronetodestroyingfurniture,andtheydon’tneedcompanytooccupy
themselves.

IopenthefridgeandgrabthebottleofChardonnay,whichiswhatIneedthemost

afterthelongandmentallychallengingdayI’vehad.Ifilltheglasstothebrinkwiththe
rich,citrusywine,andheadtothebathroomtofreshenupbeforebed.

Afteragoodthirty-minutesoakinthetub,andafullglassofwine,theringingofmy

phonepopsmylittlebubbleofrelaxation.Notbotheringtoopenmyeyes,Iblindly
gropeformyphone,untilIlocateitonthefarendofthecabinet.

“Hello?”Ianswer.Silencegreetsme;theonlythingcomingthroughthespeakeris

deepbreathing.“Hello?!”Irepeat.“Who’sthis?”Annoyed,Iopenmyeyestocheckthe
screen,seeingmyex-boyfriend’snameonit.“Leo?”Istillhearnothingbutbreathing.
“Yougonnakeepbreathingorareyouactuallygoingtosaywhatyoumeanttosay,
callingme?”Silence.“Fine,haveityourway.Don’tcallmeifyouhavenothingtosay.
Andplease,stopsendingmeflowers.”Itrytokeepmyvoicecalmandsteady.Idon’t
knowwhatgamehe’splaying,butflowersandbreathingoverthephonearenotgoing
towinmeback.Heiswellawarethisisnotthewaytowoomeandheknowshis
currentbehaviorisonlymakingitworse.BeforeIcansayanythingelse,hehangsup.
Okaythen.

TWOWEEKSLATER

,asI’msittinginacaféablockawayfrommyworkcatchingup

withmybrotherMax,myphoneringsthefifthtimethisday.Igroanandfishthe
phoneoutofmypurse.Ihopeit’snothimagain.Leohasn’tstoppedcallingme,andthe
callsaregettingmorefrequenteachday.I’msickandtiredofhim.Andthereheis
again-hisnameisdisplayedonthescreen.Silencingthecall,Itossthephonebackinto
mypurse.

“Aren’tyougonnaanswerthat?”Maxraisesaneyebrow.
Ishakemyhead.“No.Leokeepscallingme,buteverytimeIanswer,hedoesn’tsay

aword.Idon’thavethetimeforhisfreakishbehavior.”

“Leo?Ithoughtyouguysbrokeup.Whatthehelldoeshewantfromyounow?”He

doesn’tseemtoohappyaboutit.

“HellifIknow.Iftheflowershekeepssendingmeareanyindication,he’stryingto

makeituptome.TryingtowinmebackwithhisImissyounotes.ButIcanonlyguess,
sinceheisn’tactuallytalkingtome,”Ishrug.

“Howlonghasthisbeengoingon?”
“Idon’tknow,aboutamonth.Why?”Ibiteintooneofthecookieswegotwithour

order.

“Couldhebedangerous?”Thetoneofhisvoiceismorecarefulthanworried,buthis

foreheadiswrinkledinthought.

“Idoubtthat.He’sjustgottoomuchtimeonhishands,that’sit.He’llgrowtiredof

it.”MywordsseemtocalmMaxdownalittle.

MybrotherhasneverapprovedofLeo,buthe’stoleratedhimonmybehalf,whichI

wasreallygratefulfor.

“Okay,ifyou’resure…”
“I’msure.Don’tworry.Hesimplyenjoysrufflingmyfeathers.”Ismile

encouraginglyatMaxandgentlysqueezehishandthat’srestingonthetable.

LATERTHATSAMEDAY

,asI’monmylunchbreakinbetweenmeetingsforthenext

show,Ihearafamiliarringing.Idon’tneedtoguesswhothecalleris.I’mrunningout
ofpatience,soIfuriouslypresstheanswericononmyscreen.

“Leo,ifthere’ssomethingyouwanttotellme,justsayit.Otherwise,leavemethe

hellalone!I’vehadenoughofyourstupidlittlegames!”

Onceagain,there’sthefamiliarheavybreathing.Damnyou!
“Uh-oh,”David,thecameraoperator,exclaimsashenarrowlyavoidsbumpinginto

meinthedoorwayofmyoffice.“You’reprettylethaltoday!”hejokes.WhenIdon’t
smileathisremark,heleanscloser.“Hey,youokay?”

Hangingup,Inod.“Sorry,I’mfine.”Iwavemyhandandsmilebitterly.“Justgive

meafewsecondstocollectmyself.God,somepeoplereallyknowhowtopushmy
buttons.”

“Iknowthefeeling,”hegrins.“Wantsomecoffeetohelpyourelax?”
“I’dprefersomethingstronger,butcoffeewillhavetodo,”Iagree,gratefully.

MYIRRITATIONDOESN’TFALTEREVEN

later,whenI’msittingatameeting.Constant

callsareeatingawaymynerves.Iconsidermyselfaprettypatientperson,buttoo
muchisjusttoomuch.Idon’tshareideaswiththerestoftheroomlikeIusuallydo.
Hell,Idon’ttalkatalland,assoonasthemeetingisover,Iescapebackintomyoffice
toworkonmyquestionsforthenextshow.AsI’mwaitingformycomputertoturnon,
Ipourmyselfaglassofwaterandputitonmydesk.Sinkingintomychair,Itakeoff
myhigh-heelsandwigglemytoes.

Icheckmye-mailandthereareeightnewmessagesintheinbox.Mostly,it’swork-

relatedsoIjustskimoverthem,butthelastonegrabsmyattention.

ANGEL

,I’mlostwithoutyou.Youquietlyentermydreamseverynightandmake

mewanttowishtheywerereality.AllIcanseeisyoursweet,angelicface.I’mso
lonely.Ineedyoubymyside.Youbelongtome.We’redestinedtobetogether.

THESENDER

ofthemessageisLeoDevlin.What’snew?

“Youshould’vethoughtaboutthissooner,”Imumbleundermybreath,closethelid

ofmycomputerandpushittotheside.Thequestionswilljusthavetowait.Tiredfrom
everythingthat’sbeenhappening,IdecidetogohometoBella.It’sstillearly,butI
don’tcare.

Iwalkdownthestairsofthedimlylithallwaytotheparkinggarage.Icanonlyspot

asecurityguardinthefarleftcorner,smokingacigarette,andmindinghisown
business.Withthreethickbindersinmyarmsandabagwithmylaptopinmyhand,I
almosttripasmypursesuddenlystartsringingfuriously.BeforeIcanunlockmycar
anddumpthebindersintothepassengerseat,thefamiliarringtonestops.Leohasway
toomuchfreetimeonhishands,Ithink.Andthenmyphoneringsagain.

“Whatdoyouwant?Leavemealone!”Myvoiceisharsh.
“Ilikehowspiritedyouare.I’vealwayslikedthataboutyou,”Leo’steasingvoice

fillsmyear.

Forthefirsttimeafterafewlongweeks,Igetmorethanjusthisbreathingfromthe

othersideoftheline;eventhoughhisvoicesoundsdifferent,moreshrill,deeperand
thick,nothinglikethevoiceI’vealwaysattributedtoLeo.

“Doyouhaveafluorsomething?”
“You’reworriedaboutme?”Heseemssurprisedbymyquestion.“See,that’swhy

you’resospecial.That’swhyIneedyou.”

“We’renevergettingbacktogether,sogetoveritalready.”
“You’rewrong.We’redestinedtobetogether.”
“Destinygaveuponusalongtimeago,andsodidyouwhenyouchosealcoholover

me.Bye,Leo.”

“No,wait,”hepleads.
“Wait?Whatfor,Leo?I’mtiredofyourcalls.Just…stop.”Closingmyeyes,Isigh.“I.

Don’t.Want.You.Anymore.Gotit?”Mywordsarecold,voidofemotions.BeforeIcan
continue,hisnextwordscauseachilltorundownmyspine.

“Youknow,youshouldn’tbewalkingaroundallaloneinthisdarkgarage.You

neverknowwho’slurkingintheshadows,wantingtotakeyou.”

“What?”Thehairsonmybodystandupandmyvoicestartstoshake.“A-areyou

threateningme?”Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ibecometrulyfrightenedformysafety.
Andnotbecauseofhiswords,butthetoneheusedtosaythem.Itwasso…creepy.I
clearmythroatandcollectmyself.“Don’tworry,I’mnotalone.”Itrytocontrolmy
voice,soitdoesn’tshake;Idon’twanthimtothinkhiswordsgottome.Quickly,I
glancearoundtocheckifIcanseehimanywherenearme,watchingmefromthe
shadows.Thesecurityguardisstillsmoking,payingmenoattention,butI’mgladhe’s
here.IfLeodoesapproachme,hewillcometomyaid.HasLeodrunksomuch,his
mind,amongotherorgans,hasrotted?

“April,April,April,”hetsk’s.“Don’tlie,mylove.Iknowwhenyou’retellingthe

truth,andthistimeyouaren’t.”

“Leo,cutitout,please.Doyouneedtomakethingsevenworsethantheyare?You

knowwehavenofuturetogether.”Ipause.“Areyouwasted?Yourvoicesounds
funny.”Hemustbewasted.Idon’tseeanyotherexplanation.

“I’malwaysdrunk,angel;drunkonlovingyou.”
Ihangupwithoutanotherword,myhandsshaking.
Heavyfootstepsstartresonatinginthebigandalmostemptyparkinggarage.Acan

orsomethingsimilarfallstotheground.Myheartispounding.I’monthevergeofa
panicattack.I’mnotsureifLeo’swordscausedthisorthecreepyatmosphereinthe
garage—orboth—butIscurryaroundthecartothedriver’sside,jumpinside,lockthe
doors—justincase—anddriveoffsofastthescreechingsoundofmytiresreverberates
throughouttheparkinggarage.

“YOUTHINK

Ishouldbeworried?”IaskRebecca,mybestfriend,whenIfinallybreak

downafewdayslaterandtellheraboutthewholeordealwithLeo.

“Idon’tknow,”shesaysslowly.“Youshouldbecareful,though.Justincase.”Bella

jumpsontoherlap.We’resittingatthekitchentableinmyhouse,ourhandswrapped
aroundmugsofcoffee.Webothhavethedayoffwork,sowedecidedtospendit
together.

“Heneverseemeddangeroustome.Atleastuntilnow.Butthewayhesaidthose

words…itgavemethecreeps,howicycoldhisvoicewas.I’mstillcoveredingoose
bumps.”Irubmyrighthandupanddownmyarm.

“Whydon’tyouchangeyourcellphonenumber?Thatwouldmakethingseasierfor

you.”

Itakeadeepbreath.“Idon’tknowifsuchdrasticmeasuresarenecessary.Imean,

it’sLeowe’retalkingabout,forChrist’ssake.Yes,he’sadrunk,buthe’sneverhurta
singlehaironmybody.He’salwayslovedme.AndIguesshestillhasfeelingsforme,
inatwistedandunhealthyway.”

“Whydidn’tyousayanythingbefore?”
“Tobehonest,Ididn’tpayitmuchattention.Isimplythoughthewastryingtoget

meback,ortoapologizeorsomething.I’mnotsureanymore.”Iwrapmyfingers
aroundthecupagain.“Butenoughabouthim.Idon’twanttotalkaboutLeo.Doyou

wanttohitthegym?”Ineedtoliftmymood.

“Sorry,can’t.”Rebeccashootsmeanapologeticsmile.“Ihaveadate.”
“Oh,really?DidGregfinallygrowsomeballsandaskyouout?”
Awidegrinsplitsherfaceandshenods.“He’stakingmetolunch,andthen

someplaceelse,buthewon’ttellmewhere.Hesaysit’sasurprise.You’renotmad,are
you?Iknowtodayshould’vebeenourday.”

“WhyonearthwouldIbemad?”Iwaveheroff.“ThankGodthatmanfinallygot

enoughcouragetoaskyouout.”Webothchuckle.

RebeccaandGreghavebeenworkingtogetherinalocallibraryforagoodyearnow

andhe’sbeenallRebecca’sbeenblabberingaboutforthepastfewmonths.

“IpromiseI’llmakeituptoyou.Whatdoyouthinkaboutagirl’snightout?Let’shit

somenightclubs.Wehaven’thadthechancetodanceourbuttsoffformonthsnow!”

“Thatsoundslikeanawesomeidea.Ineedtoletloose,ifonlyforanight.”
“It’sadealthen!”

EVENTHOUGHTHE

restofourplansforthedayfellthrough,Istilldecidetogofora

run.Insteadofatreadmillworkout,Igoforajogoutside.It’snotthatcold,atleastnot
fortheendofJanuary,andalittlefreshairwilldowondersformyjumbledthoughts.I
changeintothermalrunninggearandsliponapairofmybatteredrunningshoes
that’vebeenwithmeformiles.They’recomfortableandsoft,soIdon’tseetheneedto
replacethemjustyet.Iputearphonesinmyears,playingmyfavoritemusicmix,and
putahatonmyhead.TheroadtakesmepastMaxandAmanda’shouse,soIdecideto
dropbyandsayhi.

“Lookwhatthecatdraggedin.”Max’svoiceisdrippingwithsarcasmwhenheopens

thedoor.“AndhereIthoughtyouforgotwherewelive.”

“Stopwhining,youbigbuffoon.YouknowI’mswampedwithwork.”I’mtryingto

provetomybossthathemadetherightdecisionhiringme.Idon’twanthimtoregret
hiringarookie,soI’mworkingthatmuchharder.

“Yeah,yeah,”hewaveshishand,smiles,andnoticesmyoutfit.“Didyourunhere?”

heexclaims,hiseyesbulgingout.

“Yes,”Ishrug.“It’snotthatfar.”
“Tenmilesisnotfar?Inthiscoldweather?You’recrazy.”
“YouknowIlovetorun.Iquicklyforgethowmuchtime’spassedandwhereI’m

headed.Andit’snotthatcold.Thesun’sout!”

“Onlyyoucansaythat.”
“Well?”Isay,stillstandingoutside.“Willyouletmeinorwhat?It’snotgettingany

warmeroutside.”

“Oh,yeah,sorry.”Hestepsaside,chuckling.“Youdidsayit’snotcold,inmy

defense.”

“Don’tbeasmartass.WhereareAmandaandEmmy?”Iturnmyheadleftandright;

thehouseisunusuallyquiet.Amandaismysister-in-lawandEmmaistheirfour-year-
olddaughter,whomI’vebeencallingEmmysinceshewasborn.

“They’reoveratBruceandNancy’sforlunch.”Theyarehisin-laws.
“Aww,IwashopingtoplaywithEmmy,”Isighindisappointment.“Andwhydidn’t

yougo,too?”Iraisemyeyebrow,curiously.

“You’resonosey,”hegrins.“Ifyoumustknow,I’mfinishingaproject.”
“Oh.Doyouwantmetogo?”
“You?Never.Come,pest,letmegetyousomethingtodrink.”Maxwrapsanarm

aroundmyshouldersaffectionatelyandwalksmetothekitchen.“Ugh,yousmell.”He
holdshisnosedramaticallyandturnshishead.

Slappingmyhandtohischest,Istepoutofhisarms.“Waytowelcomeyoursister,

youtwat.”

Helaughsoutloud,stillhappywithhisremark.“Sorry,kid,youknowIloveyou

anyway.”

“Ha,ha.Idon’tlikeyoutoomuchrightnow.Butsadly,you’reright.Ineeda

shower.I’mallsweaty.Justletmegrabsomewaterfirst.”

Itakeoffmyrunningbackpack,containingmyphoneandanemptywaterbottle,

andputitonthetable.

“Goahead.NeedmetogetyousomeofAmanda’sclothes?”
“Thatwouldbegreat.”Igivehimagratefulsmile.Idon’tusuallytakeashowerat

theirhouse,butI’mcoveredinsweatandstartingtogetchilly.

Iwalkdownthehallwaytowardthebathroom,lookingatthemyriadofframed

picturesonthewall—Emmysinceshewasababy,familypictures,andthereareevena
fewwithmeinthem.Heissoluckytohavethem.

Luckily,MaxandIgrewupinafinanciallystablehome.Ourdadwasalawyerand

mymomownedherownphotostudio.TheygotdivorcedwhenIwas16andMaxwas
22.Mommovedtotheotherendofthestate-weonlyseeeachotheronceortwicea
year,usuallyaroundChristmasandothermajorholidays.Dad,whoismucholderthan
her,workeduntilhishealthbegantofailhim.Whenhewasdiagnosedwith
Alzheimer’sdisease,MaxandIhadtoputhiminanursinghome.Itprovedimpossible
totakecareofhimwithbothofussorarelyathomeduetoourjobsandMaxstartinga
familyofhisown.Dadseemscontentwhenwecomevisithim,andtheydotakegreat
careofhimthere.Mostimportantly,heisinasafeplace.

WhenI’mdoneinthebathroom,Ifixmybraidthat’sgottenalittlelooseandreturn

toMaxinthekitchen.BeforeIseehim,Icanhearhisirritated,tense,veryloudvoice.
I’massuminghe’shavingaveryunpleasanttelephoneconversationbecauseIdon’t
hearanyothervoices.

“Leaveheralone.Doyouunderstandme?”There’sathreatinhistone.Mystep

falters.Maxveryrarelyraiseshisvoice.“Idon’tcare.LeaveherthefuckaloneorI’m
goingtothepolice.”

“Max?”Ispeakup,myvoicelow.
“Mindyourownbusiness,”hesnarlsintothephoneandthenhangsup.“Creep.”
He’ssqueezingmyphoneinhishand.“Whatwasthat?Andwhywereyoutalking

onmyphone?”Iknitmyeyebrowstogether,confused.

“Whydidn’tyoutellmethisidiotkeepscalling?”Hisnostrilsareflaring.
“Who?Leo?Whydidyouanswermyphoneanyway?”
“Itkeptringingandringing.Ithoughtitwasurgent.”
“Nexttime,don’ttouchmyphoneanddon’tanswermycalls!”IexclaimasIjerk

myphoneawayfromhim,goingtothelivingroomandsittingonhiscouch,furious.

Max’salwaysbeenreallyprotectiveofme,overlyprotective,sohisbehaviordoesn’t

surpriseme.Butitdoesn’tmeanI’mokaywithit.I’mnolongeralittlegirlwhoneedsa
protector;I’magrownwomanwhocanhandleherproblemsonherown.

“Thisguyisn’tnormal.He’safewcardsshortofafulldeck,letmetellyou.”Hesits

downnexttomeandplacesahandonmyshoulder,squeezinggently.“Whatifhe
hurtsyou?”Thefearinhisvoiceisevident.

“He’snotgoingtoharmmeinanyway.IknowLeo.Hewasprobablyjustdrunk,

andwhenhe’sdrinkinghedoesstupidthings.”

“Hesoundedcompletelycoherentandclearheaded.Hethreatenedmeandcalled

youawhore,alongwithmanymorecolorfulnames.HetoldmeI’llbesorryifIkeep
stickingmyheadwhereitdoesn’tbelong.”

Igasp.“Hesaidthat?”
Maxnods.“Whatifwegotothepolicejustincase?”
“Andtellthemwhat?Thatmyexcan’tgetoverme?They’lllaughusoutofthere.”

EvenIlaughatmyownwords.

“Betterthatthantodonothingatall.”
“Look,Max,letmehandlehimmyway,”Ifirmlytellhimoff.“Idon’tneedyouto

worry.”

“I’llalwaysworryaboutyou,youknowthat.Evenwhenyou’rebeingapaininthe

ass,likeyou’rebeingrightnow,”hislipsturnintoasmile.

“IknowandIloveyouforit.Butletmedothisonmyown.Please.”
“Okay,fornow.Itrustyou,butIdon’ttrusthim.Atall.”
“Thanks.”Iwrapmyarmsaroundhisshouldersandhepresseshislipstomy

forehead.

“Anytime,kiddo.”
“Hey,youdidn’ttellmehowexcitedEmmywaswhenshefinallymasteredwriting

hername,”Ichangethetopic.Hisfacebrightensatthementionofhername.

“Youshould’veseenher.Shewasjumpingallovertheplace.”Ismile,gladLeoisno

longerthetopicofourconversation.

TWO

April

“WANTANOTHERDRINK

?”RebeccayellsintomyearsoIcanhearherovertheloud

musicplayingfromthespeakersoftheinfamousnightclubwe’rein.

“I’mcomingwithyou.Ineedabreak.Mylegsarekillingme.I’mnotusedto

dancinglateintothenightanymore.”Wewaveourgoodbyestotheguyswewere
dancingwith.

“Don’tevengetmestarted.Ican’twaittogetridofmyheels,”Rebeccaresponds.
Atthebar,weorderdrinks:aglassoforangejuiceforme,asI’mthedesignated

driver,andafruitycocktailconcoctionforher.

“Hashecalledagain?”Iknowshe’saskingaboutLeo.
“NotsinceMaxhadhislittletalkwithhim.”Itakeasipandthenplacetheglasson

thetable,lickingmylips.“Hefinallygotbored,orMaxscaredhimoff.Whateveritmay
havebeen,itcouldn’tsuitmebetter.”Withtheopeningbeatstomyfavoritesongfrom
theloudspeakers,Iswaymyhipstothemelody.

“I’lldrinktothat!”RebeccaraisesherglassintheairandImirrorheraction,

clinkingourglassestogether.We’rehavingthebesttime,laughing,singinganddancing
aroundinourseats.

“Bestillmybeatingheart.IsthisAprilBrookesI’mseeing?”afamiliarmocking

baritonebehindmesays.

“Hey,Todd!”Ijumpoutofmybarseattohughim.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Toddsmilesatme.“MybuddiesandIdecidedtocheckthisplaceout.”Hebeckons

tothewaitertocomeover.“Whataboutyoutwo?Havingfun?”Hiseyesslidto
Rebecca,andhewinksather.ToddandRebeccametsometimeagowhenIbrought
hertothesettowatchtheshowfromthebackstageonce.

“Loadsoffun,”wenodinunison.“We’rejusthavingsometimeouttorestourfeet.”

Ilookpointedlytomymile-highstilettos.

Atall,muscularwaiterwalksuptous.“Fourbeers,”Toddorders.“Youladieswant

anotherdrink?”

RebeccaandIsharealook.“Sure,”weagree.

“Andwhateverthey’redrinking,”hegivestherestoftheordertothewaiter.
“I’llberightbackwithyourorder,”thewaiterreplies,and,sureenough,he’sbackat

oursideinafewseconds.

“Youladieswanttojoinus?”Toddpointstoatableintheleftcornerwherethemen

aresitting.

IturntoRebecca.She’sgrinning,noddingvigorouslyatme.“Okay,butnotforlong.

Thisisladies’night,andwecameheretodance.”Imovemyhipstothebeat.

“Notaproblem,butsaveatleastonedanceforme,sweetcheeks.”Toddwinksat

me.

“Lookingforwardtoit,”Ireply.
JustaswemakeourselvescomfortableatTodd’stable,awaitersitstwococktailsin

frontofRebeccaandme.Oureyesmeetinconfusion.

“Wedidn’torderthese,”Rebeccasays.
“Iknow.Themaninthecornerpaidforthem.”Hepointstothefarleftendofthe

bar,butIdon’tseeanyonelookingourway.Everybodyistoobusytalking,flirtingand
dancing.

“Whichman?”Istraightenup.
“Idunno,hehadadarkhoodieon,butIwasn’tpayingthatmuchattentiontohim.

That’sallIcanremember.Anyway,hewasjustthereaminuteago,”heshrugsand
leaves.

“Cool,”Rebeccacan’thideherexcitement.“Morefreedrinks!”
Leoneverlikedwearinghoodies,soIletoutalongbreath.Atthesametime,a

shiverrunsdownmyspineasIgetanoddfeelingsomeoneiswatchingme,piercing
mybackwiththeireyes,butthelongerIwatchpeoplearoundmethemoreIfeelI’m
gettingwaytooparanoid.IsthisoneoftheconsequencesofLeo’screepycalls?AmI
slowlylosingmymind?Ishiver.No,Iwon’tletsomeonethat’snotevenhereruinmy
night.Getittogether,April,Itellmyself.

“Youokay?”Toddleanscloser.“Youlookdistraught.”Hishandfindsmylowerback.
“I’mgreat.IjustthoughtIsawsomeoneIrecognizedinthecrowd,butitwasn’t

him,”Iquicklysay.

Therestoftheeveningispleasant,withoutdisruptions,butIcan’tseemtoshakeoff

theuneasethatsprungupinme.Itrytoshakeitoffandenjoytheeveningingreat
company.I’mdancingwithTodd,mybackpressedagainsthisfront,hishandsonmy
hips.Myeyesareclosed;I’menjoyingthemusic,movingmybodysensuallytothe
melody.Mytanktopkeepsridingupfromthedancing,and,everyonceinawhile,his
handsslideslightlyup,tracingmybarestomachwithhisthumbs.Hiswarmbreathis
caressingthenapeofmyneck.Whenthesongends,heunexpectedlyspinsmearound
andtiltsmedownlowtotheground.Agiggleescapesme,causingustoalmostcrashto
theground,butToddcatchesusatthelastsecond.Heisgrinningdownatme,butit’s
wipedoffhisfacewhensomeonebumpsintouswithbrutalforce.Offeringnoapology,
hewalkspastanddisappearsintothecrowdofpeopleonthedancefloor.

“Hey,watchwhereyou’regoing!”Toddyellsafterhim.“Idiot!”hesputters.Hisgaze

findsmine.“Youokay?”

Inod,rubbingmyshoulder,sorefromtheimpact.“IthinkI’vehadenough

excitementforoneday,”IsmileatTodd.LookingtoRebecca,Iseeshewitnessedthe

incidentandsheseemstoagree.WesaygoodbyetoToddandhisfriendsandweave
ourwayoutthroughthedancingcrowd.Reachingthewardrobe,wegrabourcoats.I
feelinstantlybetterwhencoldairhitsmyfaceoutsidetheclub.

“Ihadablast,”Rebeccagushesonourwaytothecar,wrappingherscarftighter

aroundherneck.Thereareafewpeopleoutsideinthealley,smokingandtalking,
otherwisetheparkinglotbehindtheclubisempty.WhenwereachourcarandI’m
fishingthecarkeysoutofmybag,Rebeccatakesacloserlookatthewindshieldofmy
car.

“Whatisthis?”
“Huh?”Iglanceupather.
“There’ssomethingunderthewipers.”
“Probablyaflyerorsomething.”Ipullatthepieceofwhitepaper,foldedonce.AsI

openit,afaintsmellofcigarettesandsomethingsweetwaftsfromit.Acrossthepaper,
withbigboldletter,itsays:

IFICAN’THAVE

YOU,NOONEWILL!

INHALINGSHARPLY

,thenoteslipsthroughmyfingerstothefloor.Thewritingscreams

ofthewraththepersonfeltasheorshewroteit.

“What?”Rebeccaisatmysidethenextsecond,crouchingdowntopickupthe

paper.“OhmyGod!”shewinces,hermouthwideopen.“Weshouldgotothepolice.I
thinkthisjustturnedveryserious.”

“THANK

youforcomingwithme.”Idrovestraighttothenearestpolicestation.The

notescaredmetoomuch;thingsaregettingoutofcontrol.

“Noneedtothankme,silly.Thisguyiscrazy.Heneedstobereported.”
“ThisisnothinglikeLeo,Rebecca.Heneverthreatenedmeinanyway.Hewas

neverviolent.He’dneverhurtme.”

“April,sweetie,stoppullingthewooloveryoureyes.Youknowwhatalcoholdoesto

aperson,especiallywhentheirheartisbroken.Theybecomesomeonecompletely
different-thealcoholmesseswiththeirhead,makingthemnotthinkstraight.”

Rebecca’sdadwasadrunk.Constantlywasted,hetreatedherandhermomlike

trash,hurlinginsultsandabusesatthem,butthisdoesn’tmeanLeoisthesame.

Iparkthecarinfrontofthepolicestationandtakeadeepbreath,clutchingthe

steeringwheel.Rebeccaseesmyhesitation.

“Shallwegoinordoyouneedmoretime?”Hervoiceislacedwithconcern.
“Let’sgo,”Inodather.Itakeanotherdeepbreathandstepoutofthecar.Rebecca

lacesherelbowwithmineandwewalkuptothestation.

Attheentrance,threeuniformedofficerswalkoutpastus.Totheleftofthehall,

behindaglasspartition,apolicemanissitting,typingfuriouslyonhiscomputer.

Theplacelookssurprisinglybusy,consideringhowlateitis—orearly,sinceit’s

aroundthreeinthemorning.We’restillstandingstill,lookingaroundinconfusion.

“CanIhelpyou?”thepolicemanfrombehindtheglasspartitionspeaksup.Hepats

hisbig,roundbellyasweapproachhim.Thesilvernametagonhischestsayshisname
isOfficerWest.

“We’reheretofileacomplaint,”Rebeccasays.
“Hey,Travis,”OfficerWestyellsoverourshouldersandwavesatafellowofficer,

whoissittingathisdesk.“Thesetwowanttofileacomplaint.Youbusy?”Weturnour
headstolookatOfficerTravisandweseehimnod.“He’llhelpyou,”OfficerWestsays.

“Thankyou.”Igivehimasmallsmile.
“Please,sit,”OfficerTravisnodshisheadtothetwochairsathisdesk,whenwe

reachhim.“Whatkindofacomplaintarewetalkingabout?”

MyeyesmeetRebecca’s.Ithenfinallyopenmymouth.
“Somebodyisharassingme,atleastIthinkso.Ikeepgettingweirdcalls,andnow

notes,anditlookslikehe’sbeenfollowingmelately.”

OfficerTravisraisesaneyebrow.“Youthinkso?”
Isinkmyteethintomylowerlip,feelinglikeafool.I’vecompletelyrunoutof

couragefortheday.I’mnotsureIwanttodowhatI’mabouttodo.

“Shedoesn’tthinkthat,”Rebeccainterjects,givingmeadisapprovingstare.“Here,”

sheplacesthenotefrombehindmywindshieldwipers.“Doesthisseemlikeajoke?”
Shelooksathimsternlywithherhandsonherhips.

“Didyoureceiveanymorenoteslikethis?”theofficerasks,moreseriouslythis

time.

Ishakemyhead.“No,butoverthephone,he’stoldmenottowalkaroundalone

becausesomethingmighthappentome.”

“Whoisthisperson?Doyouknowhisidentity?”
“It’sherex-boyfriend,”RebeccaquicklysaysbeforeIcouldsayanythingelse.“Leo

Devlin.Hekeepsharassingher.EvenI’mfedupwithhim.”

Thepoliceofficernods,writingeverythingdowninthenotepadinfrontofhim.

Whenhefinallyfocuseshisattentionbackatme,heputsdownhispenandleansback
inhischair.Heintertwineshisfingersbehindhisnape.

“Youhavetwooptions.Wecanissueatemporaryrestrainingorderrightnow,or

youcanwaitfortheofficehoursinthemorning,gotothedistrictcourt,andaskthe
judgeforarestrainingorder.Inanycase,you’lleventuallyhavetogotothejudgeto
getitbecauseIcanonlyissueatemporaryone.Yourdecision.”

“Idon’tknow.”IlooktoRebecca,undecided,thenbacktotheofficer.“IthinkIcan

waituntilthemorning.Whatdoyouthink?”IaskRebecca.

“I’dliketogetyouonerightnow.”
“It’shalfpastthreeinthemorning.I’llwaitfortheofficehours.”
Rebeccaliftsherhandsintheair,rollinghereyes.“Ifthat’swhatyouwant…”I

knowshedoesn’tthinkmydecisionisrational.

“Okaythen.Whenyouobtaintherestrainingorder,youneedtobringittous.We

havetoserveittohim.Itdoesn’tcomeintoeffectuntilthen,justsoyouknow.”Officer
Travisshiftsinhisseat.

“Okay.”
“AndMissBrookes?”

“Yes?”Ilookovermyshoulder.
“Takecare.”
“Thankyou,”IofferhimagratefulsmileandthenRebeccaandIwalktotheexit.
“Idon’tknowwhyyou’rethankingtheguy.Hedidn’tdojack.”Rebeccarollsher

eyesandIstayquiet.

Ifinallyspeakupinthecar.“Thankyouforcomingwithme.”
“Whatarefriendsfor?”Shesmilesatme.“Areyousureyouwanttogohome?You

knowIhaveasparebedroom.”

“Yes,I’llbefine.I’lllockallthedoorsandshutallthewindows,andthenI’lltakea

showerandgotobed.”

“Okay.Ifyouchangeyourmind,youknowyou’realwayswelcomeatmyplace.”
“Thankyou,Rebecca,”IsayoncemorewhenIstopthecarinherdrivewayandgive

herabighug.“Iloveyou.”

“Loveyou,too.I’lltalktoyouinthemorning.”
Afewminuteslater,I’malreadyunlockingmyfrontdoor.Patientlywaitingforme

inthehallway,Bellainstantlystartsrubbingagainstmyfeet.Isqueezemyfelinefriend
tomeandgotakeaquickshower,takemymakeupoff,andgetdressedforbed.Itake
myhairoutoftheponytailIwaswearing,shakemyheadtoletitloose,andbrushit.As
soonasIhavemypajamasonallIcanthinkaboutismywarmbedbeckoningme,but
myphonebeepingstartlesme.Ifrownandgotomynightstandtocheckthescreen.I
assumeit’sRebecca,checkingtoseeifIgothomesafely,butIseemyex’sname.
Hesitantly,Itapthescreentoopenhismessage.

LEO

:Idon’tlikeothermentouchingyou.You’remine!Iwantthemtokeeptheir

dirtypawstothemselves,mysweetApril.

THEPHONESLIPS

throughmyfingerstotheground.Washeactuallyintheclub?Was

hewatchingmethewholenight?Whatthehellhappenedtochangehimsomuch?Did
alcoholcompletelybrainwashhim?Whycouldn’theconsidergettingtreatment?

Luckilymyphoneremainedintact,despitethefall,asitlandedonathickcarpet.I

kneeltopickitup,decidingI’lltryonelasttimetoreasonwithhim.It’snottoolatefor
himtofindprofessionalhelp.

:Whyareyoudoingthis,Leo?Youknowverywellwhywebrokeup.I’mno

longeryours.Ibegyou,findhelp.Please.

NOTAFULLMINUTE

passesbeforeIgetareply.

LEO

:AllIneedisyou.It’sthatsimple.You’remycure,myobsession,my

everything.

Me:We’vetalkedaboutthis.It’soverbetweenus.Please,letitgo.Ifyoudon’t

stopharassingme,I’mcontactingthepolice.It’sthelastthingIwant,butyou
leavemenootherchoice.

HEDOESN’TNEED

toknowI’vealreadybeentothepolice.

LEO

:Ifyouthinkthosefuckerscanstopme,you’rewrong.You’regoingtobemine.

I’llhaveyou,onewayoranother.You’remine,whetheryoulikeitornot.I’m
watchingyou,mysweetApril.I’llalwaysbewatchingoverwhat’smine.

ISHIVER

,myskineruptingingoosebumps.

Quickly,Imovetothewindows,opentheblindsandlookoutintothedarknight.

Mystreetlookspeaceful,notasoulinsightorasuspiciouscarparkedatthecurb.No
dogsarebarking,soIfeelalittlecalmer.Ican’tletLeomanipulateme.Iwon’tlethim.

FIRSTTHING

onmyagendainthemorningistoheadovertothedistrictcourtto

presentalltheincriminatingevidenceagainstLeo,includingthemessagesIreceived
lastnight.Iaskforarestrainingorder,andI’missuedatemporaryone.There’sa
hearingIneedtoattendintendayswhereI’llbeabletogetamorepermanent
restrainingorder,whichwilllastayear.Itrulyhopethatwon’tbenecessary,thatLeo
willgethisheadtogetherandstopmessingwithme.I’mrelieved,notsurewhy,since
I’mnotconvincedapieceofpaper’sgoingtostopLeofromharassingme.Istillbelieve
he’snotdangerous;he’sjustactingoutbecauseIbrokeupwithhim.

ThenIbringtherestrainingordertothepolicestationwheretheyassuremeit’llbe

servedtohimthisveryday.IhavenoideaofwherehewentafterIkickedhimoutof
thehouse.Heneverhadmanyfriends,buthecouldbestayingwithhisbestfriend,
Ronnie,who’soneofthefewpeoplestillstickingbyhisside,ormaybehewentbackto
livewithhisparents.Ifhe’ssleepingonsomeoneelse’scouch,they’llbeabletofind
himathiswork.Igavethepolicealltheinformationonhisjob.

Ispendtheremainderofthedayatwork,antsyandconflicted,constantlythinking

aboutwhatLeo’sreactionwastobeingservedtherestrainingorder.I’msurehewas
furiousandagreatdealoffended.Ihopehewon’ttakehisangeroutonme.

IT’SALMOST

4pmwhenIarrivehome.There’sagreenVolvoparkedinfrontofmy

house.ExactsameoneLeodrives.Iblinkafewtimestomakesuremybrainisn’t
playinggameswithme.Shouldn’ttherestrainingordermakesureLeodoesn’t

approachme?Hesitantly,Iexitmycar,grippingmyphoneinonehand,911onspeed
dial,mykeysintheother.Idon’tseeLeoanywheresoIrunupthestairstomyfront
doorand,justasIinserttherightkeyintothelock,Ihearhisfuriousvoice.

“Arestrainingorder?Woman,haveyougonecompletelyinsane?”
Islowlyturntofacehim,myheartpoundinginmychest.Ihavenoideawhatis

abouttohappen.Leoisholdingthepapersinhishand,wavingtheminmyfacelikea
madman.Herunsahandthroughhishairinfrustration.He’sswayingandhisbreath
stinksofalcohol.Iusethismomenttoswiftlyturnthekeyinthelock,openthedoor
andlockitshutbehindme.Whenhe’sthatdrunk,hisreflexesareslower.Takinga
deepbreathofrelief,thankfulforadoorseparatingus,Islidedownthedoor.

“Youshouldn’tbehere,Leo!I’mcallingthecops!”Iyell,huggingmykneestomy

chest.

“Idon’tgiveashitabouttherestrainingorder,”hespitsout.
“Pleaseleave,orelseyou’llbeinbigtrouble.”Myvoiceisshaking.Leostarts

poundingonthedoor.Ijumpoffthefloorandmovetothesidewindow,tryingtotake
apeakathim.

Leoisstandingbythefrontdoor,shiftinghisweightfromonefoottoanother,andI

seehe’sbarelyabletoholdhimselfup.He’sfrowning,likelythinkingaboutwhattodo.
Thenhecursesandspitsontheground.Hetearstherestrainingorderintopieces,
throwsitatthedoor,andunsteadilymakeshiswaytohiscar.Abigrockfallsoffmy
chestasIwatchhimspeedaway.Myhands,shakinglikecrazy,dial911andItellthe
dispatcherwhatjusthappened.Anicemanontheothersideofthelineinstructsmeto
remainlockedinsideandtocallsomeonetokeepmecompanyuntiltheyfindhimor
gosomewheresafe.

Therestrainingorderclearlystated:breakingtheorderinanyway,resultsinarrest.

Hecouldevengotojail.Ididn’tthinkhe’dbewillingtogothatfar.

Isitatthefootofmybedforthenextseveralhours,staringatnothinginparticular.

Idon’twanttoleavemyhome,butit’stoodangeroustoremainhere.IgrabBellaand
drivetomybrother’shouse.I’lljustspendafewdayswithmyniece,tryingnottothink
aboutwhat’shappeninginmylife.

It’salittlepastnineintheevening,soIknowMaxandAmandaarestillup.Iknock

ontheirfrontdoorbecauseIdon’twanttowakeEmmyupwiththelouddoorbellin
caseshe’salreadysleeping.I’mshiftingbackandforthinmyspot,bitingmynails,
graspingBellatomychest.Itfeelslikeaneternitypassesbeforethedoorfinallyopens.

“April?”Amandafrownsatme.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”She’ssurprisedI’mhere

thislate.

“April’shere?”Ihearmybrother’svoicebehindher.Thenextmomentheis

standingbesidehiswife.“What’swrong?”Helookscalm,buthisvoiceislacedwith
concern.I’venevershowedupattheirhousethatlate,unannounced.

BeforeIcansayanything,tearspourdownmyface.I’vebeenholdingmyfeelings

inforsolong,butnowIcan’tdoitanymore.Maxhasmeinhisembracethenext
instant.Hishandcomesovermyshoulders,theothersoothinglyonmyback.WhenI
finallycalmdown,hetakesBellafrommeandgentlypushesmeinside.“Canyoubring
heraglassofwater,Mandy?”heaskshiswife,andhesitsmedownonthecouchinthe
livingroom.Itakemycoatoff.

“April,whathappened?”
Amandaappearsfromthekitchenwithaglassofwaterinherhandandhandsitto

me.Idownhalftheglassbeforeputtingitdownonthecoffeetableandstart
explaining,mywordsajumbledmess.

“Hey,hey,slowyourhorses.Idon’tunderstandanything,”Maxlooksconfused.

“Slowdown.”

“Slowdown,”Inod.“Okay.”Itakeadeepbreathbeforestartingover,slowerthis

time.“Doyourememberthatcallyouansweredonmyphonetheotherday?”

“WhenLeocalled?”hiseyebrowsshootup.Inod.“Thecallsstillkeepcoming?”
“Um…”
“Whatisit?”heurgesmetocontinue.
“Actually,itgotsobadIhadtogetarestrainingorder.”
“Arestrainingorder?Whatthehell,April?Didhegetphysicalwithyou?Hashehurt

you?”Hisbrotherlyoverprotectivenessiskickingintoover-drive.

“No,”Ishakemyhead.“Buthediddropbytoday.Hewasdrunk,butthatdoesn’t

excusetheviolationoftherestrainingorder.”

“Tellmeyoucalledthepolice.”Hisknuckleswereturningwhite.
Idropmyhead,squeezingthebottomofmyshirtinmyhand.“Idid.ItoldLeoto

leavemealone,sohetoretherestrainingordertopiecesandstormedaway.Thepolice
advisedmetogotoasafeplaceuntilhe’sapprehended.SoIcamehere.Ihopethat’s
okay.”Iraisemypleadingeyestothem.

“Ofcourseit’sokay.You’realwayswelcomehere,”Amandasayssoftly.

“MORNING

,”Maxmanagestosaywithhismouthfull,whilereadingthenewspaperand

glassesperchedonhisnose.

“Hey,”IgivehimasmallsmileasIappearatthedoorway.I’mdressedinoneofthe

T-shirtsIborrowedfromhim,asyesterdayeveningIonlygrabbedBellaandleftmy
house.

“Youhungry?”
“Notreally,”Iadmit.
“Butyouhavetoeatsomething.”
“Iwill,justnotnow.Wouldyoudrivemetomyhousetograbafewthings?”Itold

himyesterdaythatI’llneedtogobacktogetsomeclothes,butheinsistedhewantedto
comewithmeandthatIshouldn’tgoanywherealone.Iagreedwithouthesitation.

“Let’smakeadeal.I’llmakeyousomethingtoeatandthenwe’llgo.Okay?”
“CanIeatinthecar?I’mreallynothungryrightnow.”IknowIcan’tgetanywhere

withmybrotherwhenhesetshismindtosomething,butIcanatleasttry.

“No,firstyoueat,andthenwego.”
“Okay,okay,”Igivein.“Youthatbossywitheveryone?”Ialreadyknowtheanswer

tothisquestion.

“Goodgirl.AndyouknowdamnwellIam.”Hesetsabowlofmilkinfrontofme,

followedbyaboxofcereal.OnlywhenIraisethefirstmouthfultomymouthdoI
realizeI’mstarving.“Howareyoufeeling?”

“I’vebeenbetter,”Ireplygrimly.

“Don’tworry,it’llgetbetter.Leomadeamistakebyviolatingtheorderandhe’llbe

punishedforthat.”

“Iknow,butitstilldoesn’tmakemefeelanybetter.IwonderifIeverevenknew

him.Howcouldhehavehiddensuchdarknessinsidehimallthistime?Whenwewere
together,hecaredmoreforhisalcoholandtelevisionthanus.Andsuddenly,hewants
me.Me!Thatdoesn’tmakeanysensewhatsoever.”

“Youcan’tapplylogicwhenitcomestodealingwithdrunks.Maybehefinallysat

downandrealizedwhathehadandwhatheletslipoutofhishands.That’sjustmy
guess.”MaxplacesasoothinghandonmybackwhileIeatanotherspoonful.

“Thatmaybe,”Inod.“Ijustwishitwasallbehindme.”
“Itwillbe.Justbepatient.”

IT’SLATE

inthemorningwhenMaxandIarriveatmyhouse.Immediately,Inoticeall

isnotasitshouldbe.Thefrontdoorisajar.Idistinctlyrememberlockingitbehindme
whenIleft.

“Waitinthecar,”Maxinstructssternly.
“Andletyougoinsideonyourown?Areyouinsane?Whatifsomeone’sstillin

there?I’mcomingwithyou.”There,Isaidit.Iwon’tlethimgoinsidealone.

Beforehecanprotest,I’malreadyheadedtothehouse.Maxpushesthedooropen

andwestandbytheentrance,listeningforanysounds.Thesmellofcigarettesandstale
sweetnessisstinkinguptheplace.Igetshivers.Wecarefullywalkfurtherinsideand
Maxreachesforthefireironnexttomyfireplaceinthelivingroom,leftofthefront
door.Wemakeourwaytoeveryroominthehouse.

“Idon’tthinkthere’sanyonehere,”Iwhisperonourwaytomybedroom.
“Let’sbecarefuljustincase,”herespondsasquietly.
Thehouseisintact,butthere’sstillmybedroom.Thescenewearemetwith,aswe

enter,stopsusinourtracks.Ican’tmove;Icanonlywatchthedisarrayintheroom.
MaxcheckstheclosetswhileIremaininplace,atearrollingdownmyface.

“Sonofabitch!”Maxswearsloudly.Herunsbothhishandsthroughhisalready

messyhair.He’spacingtheroom,hisphoneathisear,talkingtosomebody,butIcan’t
hearawordhesays.Myattentionissolelyfocusedonthebrightletters,thecolorof
blood,onthewallovermybed:YOU’REMINE!Underthewritingisapictureofme
jogging,nailedtothewall.ItmusthavebeentakenonlyafewdaysagosinceI
rememberthegreythermalshirtIworethatday.Asinglesunflowerisplacedonthe
bed.TheoxygenissuckedoutoftheroomandIsuddenlycan’tbreathe.Ineedair.
Turningaroundandrunningoutsidethehouse,Ifalltomykneesonmyporch.Itryto
fillmylungswithair.Breathe,breathe,breathe.Justbreathe.

“Thepoliceareontheirway.”MaxappearsonthedoorstepandIfeelhishandon

myshoulderasI’mstillgaspingforair.

“Whyishedoingthistome?”Iexclaimindespair,onceImanagetocalmmy

nerves.

Maxpullsmefromthegroundandsqueezesmetightlytohim.“Idon’tknow,

kiddo.Idon’tknow.ButIdoknowthathe’snotgoingtogetawaywithit.Doeshestill
havethekeystoyourhouse?”

“No,hereturnedthemwhenwebrokeup.That’swhythisdoesn’tmakeanysense.”
“Maybehehadaspareone.”
Onlyacoupleofminuteslater,apatrolcarstopsinfrontofus.Maxexplains

everythingtothepolicemenandtakesthemuptothebedroom.Healsotellsthem
abouttherestrainingorderLeoviolatedyesterdayandthatthepolicearealready
lookingforhim.

Beforetheclockstrikesone,myhouseiscrawlingwithpolicemen.Whenthey’re

done,theyaskmetocheckandseeifanything’smissing.Ihesitantlywalkuptothe
bedroom,butthemessinsidemakesitimpossibleformetoseeifhetookanything.
NeverinmylifehaveIimaginedI’dbegoingthroughanordeallikethis.Notevenin
myworstnightmare.

“MissBrookes?”Amiddle-agedpolicemanwalksuptome.
“Yes?”Iraisemyhead,voidofemotions.
“YoufiledarestrainingorderagainstaMr.Devlin,isthiscorrect?”
“Yes,”Inod.
“We’vebeenlookingforMr.Devlineversinceyourcallyesterday,butuntilnow,

therehasn’tbeenanyprogressinlocatinghim.”

“What’stakingsolong?Hecouldn’tjustvanishintothinair!”Maximpatientlysays

frombehindus.“Tryharder!”

Thepolicemanpurseshislipsintoathinline,agitated.
“Calmdown,Max.They’retryingtohelpus.”Igivehimalook.
“Wecheckedhiswork.Hisbosssayshehasn’tshownupforworktoday.Nowwe’re

tryingtofigureoutwherehe’shiding.Mr.Devlinhasn’tsharedanyaddresswithhis
employer,otherthanyours.”

“Didyoucheckwithhisbestfriend,Ronnie?Leo’sparents?Igaveyoubothoftheir

addresses.”

“Yes,wechecked,buthehasn’tbeenthere.”
“Whatnow?”Iwrapmyhandsaroundmymiddle.
“We’llkeeponlooking.Wehaveawarrantoutforhisnamesoit’sonlyamatterof

timebeforehe’sbroughtin.”

Whenthepoliceofficersclearoutofmybedroom,I’mfinallyallowedtogoback

insideandtakemyclothes.Myhandsshaking,Ithrowafewitemsofclothingonapile
andIthinkbacktowhenLeoandIstarteddatingabout18monthsago.Hewaskind
andcharming.He’dlikedalcoholevenbackthen,buthehadn’tbeenabusingitlikehe
hadinthelastfewweekspriortoourbreak-up.Hehasn’tbeenthesameLeosincehis
brotherdied.He’sgottenclosedoff,alcoholalwaysonhisagenda.Ialsoturnedtohis
bestfriendforhelp,butevenwithjointefforts,wecouldn’tdoanything.Itwas
hopeless.

THREE

Jude

“JUDE

,canIseeyouinmyofficeforamoment?”Mydad’sheadpokesintomyoffice.

“Justasecond,”Irespond,myeyesstillfixedonthedocumentsonmydesk.
I’minthemiddleofwritingareportformylatestcase.Aboutaweekago,aMrs.

Simmonshiredouragencybecauseshehadsuspicionsaboutherhusbandcheatingon
her.Itookonhercaseandittookmenotimetodiscovermuchmorehasbeen
happeningthanahusbandsimplybeingunfaithful.Everyday,Mr.Simmonstoldhis
wifehewasgoingtoworkandthenhedroveofftoatownthreehoursawaywherehe
walkedintoasmallinsurancecompany.Iwentinafterhimunderthepretenseof
beinganewclientandInoticedhimenteringanofficewithanameplateonitthatsaid
Wilder,whichcertainlywasn’tthesurnameIhadonthefile.Iwaitedforhimtoexit
theofficeand,whenafterahalfhourhestilldidn’tappearandIwasstartingtolook
suspicious,IenteredtheofficeofMr.Wilderunderthepretenseoflookingforatoilet.
Mrs.Simmons’husbandwassittingatthedeskgoingthroughsomedocuments.He
threwmeanannoyedlook,soIquicklyapologizedandaskedhimforthedirectionsto
thetoilet.Hetoldmetheway,andthenIlaidlowuntilhecameout.Apretty,young
woman,who,untilthatmomentIhadthoughtwasanemployee,asecretaryor
something,approachedhimandgavehimaveryintimatekissonthelips.Iquickly
snappedsomephotosoftheincidentwithmytinyshirtbuttoncameraanddiscretely
lefttheplace.Oncebackinmycar,Icalledourassistant,whoalsohappenstobemy
aunt,Stephanie,togiveherthenameoftheyoungwomanIgotoffthedoorofher
officeandforwardedherthephotosItookofthecouple.Afewminuteslatermyphone
rang.

“I’vegotamatch!”IheardStephanie’striumphantexclaim.
“Thatwasfast.”
Herlaughtersoundedthroughthephone.“Itwasn’thardtofindher.Hersocial

mediaisfloodedwithherphotos.She’s29,alocal,andmarriedtoPeteWilder.”

Thesocialmediaphenomenonhasmadethingssomucheasierforus.Peopledon’t

realizehowmuchpersonalinformation–wheretheyare,whotheyarewith,whatthey

aredoing–isfreelysharedwiththeworld.

“CanyoualsocheckoutPeteWilder?”IthoughtitwasweirdSimmonsworkedinan

officewithsomeoneelse’snameonthedoor.“Ineedhispicture.”

“Noproblem.”
IttookusnotimetofigureoutPeteSimmonswasactuallyPeteWilderandmarried

totwowomen.Heindeedwenttoworkeveryday,butnottotheaddressMrs.
Simmonsgaveus.Hewasaco-ownerofaninsurancecompanywithhisfirstwife,
Tracy.Sincebigotryisillegal,Ihadtoreporthim.Imetwithmyclientandshowedher
myfindings.Whenshewasfacedwithherhusbandandhisotherwife,itwasloudand
explosive,withmanyinsultsthrownaround.Itwasadifficultsituationforbothofthe
wives;theydidn’tknowaboutoneanother.

“Youneededme?”Iask,asIentermydad’sofficeandfindhimsittingathisdesk,a

familiarfrownwrinklinghisforehead.Thisalwaysmeansonethingonly.

“Ihaveanewcaseforyou.”Hewaveshishandtotheemptyseatinfrontofhim.
MydadistheownerofO’RilleyDetectiveAgency.
“Whatisit?HusbandcheatingontheMrs.,wifecheatingonherman,gambling,

drugs?”It’salwaysoneofthesethings.Momsareafraidtheirchildrenarehookedon
drugs,wivesaresuspiciousoftheirhusbands’gamblinghabits,andthemostcommon
casesonmydeskhavetodowithcheatingofsomesort.

“Stalking.”Hisvoiceisseriousenoughtohavemyfullattention.Heslidesamanila

folderacrossthedesktowardme,rearrangingtheglassesonhisnose.

Iletoutalowwhistleofsurprise.“Stalking?That’snottheusualstuffwedealwith.”

Thelasttimewetookonastalkingcasewasthreeyearsago,anditdidn’thaveahappy
ending.Thestalker—theex-husband—wasn’thandlingthedivorceandthenewsofhis
ex-wife’snewloverwell.Beforeanyonecouldinterfere,hestabbedhermultipletimes.

“Yesterday,amancameinandhiredustoprotecthissister.Hepaidushandsomely

tomakesurenothinghappenstoher.”Hetakesoffhiseyeglassesandputsthemonthe
desk,leaningbackinhischair.

IopenthefiletoseewhatI’mgettingmyselfinto.“Protect?Aren’twegoingtobe

lookingforthestalker?”

“Theidentityofthestalkerisalreadyknown—it’sherex-boyfriend.Ourjobisto

protectthegirlfromhimuntilheisfoundandarrested.Herbrotherbroughtmecopies
ofthemessagesshe’sbeenreceiving,andtheexalsobrokeintoherhouseand
destroyedherbedroom,”hefinishesgloomily.

“He’sobviouslynotoverthebreak-up.”Ishakemyhead.“Hername?”
Dadlooksintothecasefolder.“AprilBrookes,25,worksasajournalistataBoston

televisionstation.ShewasinarelationshipwithLeoDevlinforayearandahalfbefore
theybrokeup.Sheendedtherelationship.Duetohisharassmentafterwards,she’s
filedforarestrainingorder,whichheviolatedthesameday.”

“Huh,”isallIsayasmyeyesscanthroughthedocuments.“Ithinkit’sonlyamatter

oftimebeforehe’sarrested.Thepolicehavealltheinformationtheyneedto
apprehendhim.It’sasimplejob.Idon’tknowwhyourinvolvementisnecessary.”I
closethefileandplaceitbackonthedesk,leaningcasuallybackinmyseatandputting
myfeetonthedesk.

“It’snotthatsimple.Themanhasgonemissingandthepolicehavenoclueabout

wheretosearchforhimnext.It’sasifhedisappearedintothinair.Butthecallstohis
ex-girlfriendwon’tstop.”Dadfrownsatmeandpushesmyfeetoffthedesk.

“Thishappensoften.Hedoesn’twanttogetcaught,butstillwantstohave

everythingunderhiscontrol…”I’mthinkingaloud.

“AsIsaid,hismessageskeepcoming.Thisoneisfromyesterday.”Heshowsmea

copyofanotewrittenonacomputer.Theboldlettersscream:I’mcomingforyou!It’s
onlyamatteroftimebeforeweareunitedineternity.

“Andyouwantmetotakethecase?”Honestly,I’mnotreallyinthemoodtoplaya

babysitter.I’msurethepolicearedoingtheirbestsearchingforthisLeoguy.Thelady
hasnothingtoworryabout.

“Actually,theclientdemandedyoubethesecuritydetail.Apparently,youknow

eachother.”

“Knoweachother?What’stheman’sname?”Ileanforwardonthedesk.
“MaxwellBrookes.”
“MaxwellBrookes,”Irepeatthoughtfullyafterhim,thenamenotringingabell.
“Hesaidyoumetincollege.”
Max!“Yes,Irememberhim,vaguelythough.It’sbeenagessinceI’veheardabout

him.”Weattendedthesamecollege,butwedidn’thaveanyclassestogether.Wealso
movedindifferentcircles.Max’sfamilyandthefamiliesofpeoplehehungoutwith
wereloadedandIwasascholarshipstudentwhospentallhissparetimeworkingto
payforcollege.Wepartiedtogethersometimes,butwithlittlecommoninterestsand
himbeingayearolder,weweren’treallyclosefriends,morelikefriendly
acquaintances.Ididn’tevenknowhehadasister;henevermentionedsiblings.

“Iwantyoutopackyourthingsandmeettheclientatthisaddressinthemorning.

It’shishomeandhissisteristemporarilylivingwithhimandhisfamily.”

Islowlygetonmyfeet,rubbingmyface.“Pops,whycan’tyousendColeorJessie?”

ColeandJessiearemybrothers,bothalsoworkingattheagency.

“BecauseBrookeshiredus,andwantsyoutodothejob.Youknowwedon’tdeny

ourclients’wishes.”

“Maybeweneedtochangethatrule,”Imumbleundermybreath.
Iwashopingtogetafewdaysoff-aminibreakI’vebeenpromisedforworking

non-stopforthepastfewmonths.IwasplanningatriptoVegaswithmyfriends,filled
withlimitlessamountsofcoldbeer,pokerandprettyblackjackdealers.

“Didyousaysomething?”Dadraisesaneyebrow.
“Nope.WhattimedoIneedtobethere?”Ishovemyhandsintothepocketsofmy

jeans,leaningbackonmyheels.

“NineAM.”
Igrabthemanilafolderoffthedeskandleavehisoffice,mymoodworseningbythe

minute.I’malwaystheluckyoneplayingnannytotherichpeople.Shakingmyheadat
mypoorluck,IgosearchingforStephanietoaskhertogetmeasmuchinformationon
LeoDevlinandAprilBrookesasshecangethersneakyhandson.

THENEXTMORNING

,I’monmywaytomynewassignment.WithStephanie’shelp,

I’veacquiredtonsofinformationonthesupposedstalker.LeoDevlin’srecordisclean.

He’s27yearsold,andaconstructionworker.Upuntilafewweeksago,hewasa
normallaw-abidingcitizenwhobrokenolaw,exceptforacoupleofspeedingtickets,
andthatisit.ThefolderonAprilBrookeswasmuchthinner,soIsavedthatforwhenI
gettomydestination.Sofar,theonlyinformationIhadonherwasherage,education
andprofession.TherestwillhavetowaituntilIgetthere.

TheridefromRhodeIslandtoMassachusettsonlytakesmeaboutanhouranda

half.Imanagetoavoidtrafficjams,soIarriveattheaddressmydadgavemeatalittle
aftereightinthemorning.Slowly,Idriveupthecobbleddriveway,takinginmy
surroundings.Anironfencesurroundsthehouseandneatlytrimmedrosebushesare
plantedonawell-manicuredlawn.Onmyleft,Iseeaswingsetandacoveredwooden
sandbox.Iexitmycarandwalktothemassivewhitefrontdoorwithaplate“Brookes”
onitandIringthedoorbell.

Thedooralmostinstantlyopens,butbeforeIcantakemywalletoutofmypocket

andshowmylicenseIseeMaxsmilingatmegratefully.Hestilllooksthesame.

“Jude!Thanksforcomingonsuchshortnotice.”Hegivesmeatapontheshoulder.
“Max,”Inodcurtly.“Nicetoseeyou,man.”
“You,too.Please,comein.”HestepsasidesoIcanwalkpasthimintothehouse.The

hallissmallandlight.Thewallsareframedwithfamilypictures.Hewalksmetothe
kitchenandoffersmeabeverage.Igetcomfortableatthekitchentable,puttingmy
folderonthetable,andhangmyjacketonthebackofthechair.

“Nicehouse.”
“Thanks.”Maxplacestwowaterbottlesonthesurfaceinfrontofme.“Idesignedit

myself.”Ialmostforgothismajorwasarchitecture.“Wantsomecoffee?”

“No,Ihadoneontheroad.Isthisyourfamily?”Inodmyheadtothephotographs

inthehallway.

“Yes.Mywife,Amanda,andwehavealovelyfour-year-old,Emma.Let’ssayIam

neverbored.”Icanseehiseyeslightupatthementionoftheirnames.“Andyou?”he
asks.“Isthereamissus,anykids?”Hepullsachairfromthetableandsitsdownnextto
me.

“Ha,”mylipscurlupintoasmile.“Noneofthatforme.It’snexttoimpossibleto

haveanykindofmeaningfulrelationshipinmylineofwork.I’mconstantlyonthe
road,facingallsortsofdangeroussituations.Maybesomedayinthefuture.”

“Youhaven’tchangedabit.”
“Samegoesforyou,man.”Iunscrewthelidofmywaterbottleandtakeasip.“So,

tellmeaboutyoursister’sstalker.”

Maxcloseshiseyes,takingadeepbreath.Whenheopensthemagain,Iseepainand

despairthere.“HisnameisLeoandtheyusedtodate.Hekeepsharassingher.He’sone
heckofapersistentguy,letmetellyou.Hewon’tstopbotheringherdespitethe
restrainingorder.And,eversinceheviolatedit,thepolicecan’tfindhim.I’mafraid
he’sgoingtohurtApril.Thelastmessageshereceivedhintedatanabduction.I’m
scaredforherwell-being,andthepolicehavehitadeadend.”

“So,youtookthingsintoyourownhandsandcontactedme.”I’msurprisedMax

rememberedmetalkingaboutgoingtoworkformyfatherwhenIfinishedcollege.

“Ican’tjustsitherewatchingmylittlesister’slifetumbledownlikeahouseofcards.

Sheactsstrong,butIknowdeepdownshe’shurtandterrified.Iseehowthetiniestof

soundsmakesherjumpyandhowshekeepslookingoverhershouldereverytime
she’soutinpublic.Thisisnotlikeher.”

“Whereisshenow?”ThehousehasbeenquieteversinceIarrived,soI’massuming

MaxandIaretheonlyoneshere.

“She’supstairs,sleeping.”
Inod.“Andthemessagesyoubroughtmyfather,thatwasallofthem?”
“No,there’smore.Comesee.”WewalkintoaroomthatIassumeishisofficeand

Maxclosesthedoorbehindus.“Herearethee-mailshesenther.Luckily,Imanagedto
re-sendthemtomye-mailbeforethepolicetookherlaptop.”

“Okay,I’lltakealookatthemlater.Anythingelse?”
Maxpullsastackofphotosfromthetopdrawerofhisdesk.“Itookthesewithmy

phoneafterhebrokeintoherhouseandtoreherbedroomapart.”

“Thefrontdoorwasbrokenin?”
“Notreally.Therewerenosignsofabreak-in;itwasleftajar.
“Doeshehavethekeytoherhouse?”
“Hehadone,buthegaveitbacktoAprilwhenhemovedout.”
InodasIprocessalltheinformationandexaminethephotosofthebreak-in.“Did

thepolicefindanyofhisfingerprintswhenprocessingthescene?”

“Yes,butthat’stobeexpectedsinceheusedtolivethere.”
“IadmitIwasabitskepticalwhenpopstoldmeaboutthiscase.Butsomething

seemswayoff.WhywouldLeowantherbackallofasuddeniftheybrokeupawhile
ago?Itdoesn’tmakesense.”

“AprilandIwerewonderingthesamething.Buttherearehisconstantcallsande-

mailsthatindicatehedesperatelywantsherback,and,inhistwistedmind,there’s
nothingholdinghimback.I’mafraidsomedayshe’lljustdisappearandI’llneversee
heragain.”Hisvoiceshakesashesaysthat.Icanseetheunconditionallovehehasfor
hissister.

“I’llpersonallymakesureitdoesn’tcomeanywherenearthat.Youhavemyword.”

Irunmyhandovermystubble.“IpromiseI’llprotecther,butIwillexpectnothingbut
honestyfrombothofyou.Nohidinginformationfromme.Otherwise,itcancome
rightbackandbiteusallintheass.”

“Youhavemyword.Andifyouneedanythingatall,I’mavailableatalltimes.The

policealreadyknowIhiredextrasecurity,soyoushouldn’texpectanytroublefrom
them.”

“Good.AnddoesAprilknowaboutmealready?”
“Notyet.We’llbreakthenewstoherwhenshewakesup.Butbewarned—mysister

isverystubbornandshe’sfiercelyprotectiveofherfreedom.She’saveryambitious
woman.Shegraduatedwithadegreeinjournalism,andherambitionand
determinationwilltakeherplaces.Herjobisherlife,sopleaseunderstandthatallthis
messLeoputherinhasturnedherlifeupsidedown.Maybeyousawhershow,it’s
calledCelebrity?”

“Sorry,Idon`twatchmuchTV,exceptforsports.”
“Itotallyunderstand.Samehere.Well,shehasahouse,butshelivestherealone.

WhenAprilmetLeo,ittookhimlessthantwomonthsbeforehemovedinwithher.
God,IwasfuriouswhenIfoundout.Itoldhershewasmakingamistakebutshedidn’t

listentome.Shealwaysdoeswhatshewants.AndshehasacatnamedBella.Shedrags
thatthingwithhereverywhere.She’sgoingtobebeyondpissedIwentbehindher
backandhiredyou,butIdon’tcarewhatshethinks.Hersafetyismypriority.”

FOUR

April

SOMEOFTHE

rareearlyFebruarysunraysmanagedtopenetratetheclosedblindsof

mybedroomandthey’recaressingmyfaceasI’mlyinginbed,tryingtoavoidthe
realityoutsidemybedroom.Thealarmclockshowsit’saminutepastnineinthe
morning.IheardAmandatakingEmmatoKindergartenataround7andIeven
managedtodozeoffafterthat,butonlyforashortwhile.Ican’tseemtofallasleepfor
thepastweek.Ikeepwakingupinthemiddleofthenightbecausemytortured
thoughtswon’tleavemealone.Yesterday,Leocalledmetwice.Hedemandedtoknow
whereIwasandwhoIwaswith.Healsoinformedmeheintendstohurtanyonethat
touchesme.Idon’tknowhowtogetoutofthismess.IsworeIwouldn’tlethimgetto
me,thathiswordswillnothurtmeanymore,butit’sstillhard.I’mtryingtokeepit
togetherandstaystrong;tryingtopretendhiscallsandmessagesdon’tscaretheheck
outofme.Buttheydo.Andmybrotherknowsthat,eventhoughIdon’tshowit.He
knowsmesowellthatitonlytakesonelookatmeandheknowsallmyinnermost
thoughts.

It’sbeenfivedayssinceIappearedatthedoorofMaxandAmanda’s.I’veonlyleft

theplacewhenIwenttowork,andMaxwasbymysidethewholetime.Policearestill
inthedark,findingnoevidencethatwouldpointtoLeo’swhereabouts.It’sasifhe
vanishedintothinair.

Itakeadeepbreath,rolloverandputmybarefeettothewarmwoodblockfloor.

Runningmyfingersthroughmymessyhair,Istretchmylimbs.Bellaissleepingonher
fuzzymatonthefloor;Ismileatmybaby.I’venevermetalaziercatthanBella.She
sleepsthroughthemajorityoftheday,onlycomingaliveatnight,andeventhenshe
prefersnapstorunningaroundthehouse.IputAmanda’soldfluffyslipperswithgiant
bunnyearsonandwalkdownstairsintothekitchen,wearingonlythelongshirtI
borrowedfromMaxtosleepinthedayIgothere.Withallthatdrama,Iforgottopack
myPJs.Istartthecoffeemakerandpokemyheadintothefridgeforbreakfastoptions.
WeirdthatMaxhasn’tcomedownyet,IthinktomyselfasI’mpullingoutstuff.Usually
he’stheearlybird,havingthebreakfastreadyforuswhenIgetupinthemorning.I

stepuponmytiptoestoreachintothetopcupboardtograbtwoplatesandIgently
placethemonthecounter.Grabbingthecoffeemugwhenthecoffeeisdone,Iwrap
mypalmsaroundthehotmugtosipatthecaffeinateddeliciousness.Mmm...glorious.

“Max!”IyelloutasIturnaroundtoplacethemugbackonthecounter.“Breakfast

isre…”IscreamatthetopofmylungswhenIseealarge,darkfigureinfrontofme,
spillingthebeverageonthefrontofmyshirt.“...ady,”Ifinish.“Shit.”

Atallmanisstandingafewfeetawayfromme-hishands,crossedonhischest,are

coveredwithtattoosthatstartatthewristsanddisappearattheelbowsupintothe
rolledupsleevesofhisshirt.Histonguedartsouttowethislips,hiseyesarefixatedon
mylegs,andtheintenselookinthemismakingmesquirm.Iblink,and,whenItakein
hiswholeface,myeyessuddenlywiden—andsodohis.Him?

Eyes,greenlikeemeralds.
Brown,silkysofthairIcouldrunmyhandsthroughforaneternity.
Asculpturedbodywithripplingmuscle.
Iswallowhard.No,nono.Itcan’tbehim.Butitis.
“Shit!”IrealizeI’mstandingtherebraless,pantiless,andstainingthewholefrontof

myshirtwithhotcoffee.Myhandshootsouttograbakitchenclothtowipemyself.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iaskcarefully.IlookaroundthekitchentoseeifI’mbeing
punked.Butheappearstobeshocked,too.

“YouareAprilBrookes?!”heexclaimsinshock,ignoringmyquestion.
“Youknowmyname?”Iknitmyeyebrowstogether.Whenwemetforthefirst—

andIapparentlymistakenlythought,alsothelast—time,namesdidn’treallymatter.
Thepassionweignitedineachotherwasallwecouldfocuson.

“NowIdo.YouareMax’syoungersister?”heasks,incredulityinhisvoice.He

scratcheshisheadasIhearhimmutteracurseunderhisbreath.

“WhereisMax?Howdoyouknoweachother?”Ithrowtheclothbackonthe

counter.

“He’sinhisoffice.Heshouldberightout,”heresponds,hisbrilliantgreeneyes

neverleavingme.

“Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?”Iaskmorefiercely,asIstillhaven’tgottenthe

answeroutofhim.

He’sbrief.“Business,”hesays.“Youlookgood.”Hiseyesarestudyingme.
Yeah,right.Imustlookfabulouswithagiantbrownstainonmyshirt,arats’neston

myheadandamake-upfreeface.“Uh,thanks.”Ishiftmyweighttomyotherfootand
Iblush.Iactuallyblush!Ineverblush.Butmybrainsuddenlybringsupallthe
memoriesofanightIthoughtI’dmanagedtolockdeepinsidemymind.“Youlook
good,too.”Waytogo,April.Butgooddoesn’tevenbegintodescribethewayhelooks.
Hischiseledjawanddefinedcheekbonespairedwithhisdeep,raspyvoiceisabalmfor
myeyesandears.

IglancedownthehallwayinthedirectionofMax’soffice.AndwhenIdirectmy

gazebacktothemanI’vespentoneexplosiveandpassionatenightwith,heisquite
obviouslycheckingoutmylegsagain.Ipullthehemofmyshirtdownbutitonly
reacheshalfwaytomyknees.Hissimmeringgazemakesmywholebodymeltinghot,
asiftheboilingcoffeedidn’tburnmeenough.Icanfeelhimstrippingmewithhis
eyes.“Stoplookingatmelikethat!”

“AndhowamIlookingatyou?”
“Likeyou’reimaginingmenaked.”
“Idon’thavetoimagineanything,sunshine.DidyouforgetIfamiliarizedmyself

witheverylineandcurveofthebodythat’shidingunderthisshirt?Ispenthours
memorizingyourbody.”

Myblushintensifies.HowcouldIforget?Thatwasthebestnightofmylife.Idoubt

I’llevergetitoutofmyhead.

“Iknowexactlywhatyoutastelikeandhowyoumaketheselittlemoanswhenyou

come,”headds,hisvoicelower,anaughtygrinonhislips.Hisboldconfidencepisses
meoff.

Iglowerathim.“Ivaguelyrememberthatnight.Iguessitwasn’tthatgoodafter

all.”Itrytoactindifferently,butI’meverythingbut.Walkingbehindthekitchenisland,
Iblockhisviewofmylegs.Ikeepmygazeavertedsohedoesn’tseebullshitwrittenall
overmyface.Icrossmyhandsovermychest.

“Haveyouseenmy—“Maxwalksintotheroom,holdinganeyeglasscaseinhis

hands,andheabruptlystopswhenheseesus.“Oh!Iseeyoutwohavealreadymet.
Good.”Myheartstartspoundinginmychest.I’mprayinghardthathedidn’thearour
conversation.

“Notexactly.”Itakeasipofwhatremainsofmycoffee.“Youhaven’tmentioned

anyvisitors.”

“Whydon’tyougochangeyourclothesandthenI’llexplaineverything?”Max

placeshishandonmybackandgivesmeapointedlook,protectiveasalways,andthis
timeI’mactuallygrateful.Hegentlypushesmeintothedirectionofmyroom.Igive
bothmenapointedlook,butdoasmybrotheraskedme,becausetheheatedgazeof
themanI’vehadaone-nightstandwithisgivingmenaughtythoughtsandthat’sthe
lastthingIshouldhaveonmymindatthemoment.Butamemoryofhismuscled,
tattooedarmsaroundme,hisskilledhandsslidingupanddownmybody,andhisfull
lipsonminekeepsplayinginmymind.Geez!

Idon’twastetime;Ipullonapairofskinnyjeansandputapurplesweaterovera

tanktopinthesamecolor.Iquicklyrunabrushthroughmywildlongbrowncurlsand
styleitinamessybraiddanglingoffmyshoulder.Iputonsomeeyeshadowand
mascara,butleavetheblushalone;mycheeksareredenoughfromalltheblushing
they’vebeendoingalreadytoday.WhenIfeeldecentenough,Ireturntomybrother
andhismysteriousguest.Ifindtheminthelivingroomsittingcomfortablyonthebig
blackleathercouch:MaxinthemiddleandHisHotness,whosenameIstilldon’tknow,
loungesonhisright,hishandonthearmrest,hislegrestingcasuallyonhisknee.
They’reinthemiddleofaheateddebate,buttheybothshutupthesecondtheynotice
me.

“What’sgoingon?”Ilooksuspiciouslybetweenthem.Theyexchangeglances.
“Comehere.”Maxpatstheseatnexttohim.
“WhydoIhavethefeelingI’dbetterstand?”Iraiseaneyebrow.
“Asyouwish.”Maxstandsup,walkstomeandtakesmyhandintohis.“YouknowI

worryaboutyou,right?”

“Yes,”Isayslowly,swallowinghard.Ican’twaittoseewhereallthisisleading.
“TakingintoaccountthatLeohasfallenofftheearth,thepolicestillhavenotraceof

him,andwehaveabsolutelynoideawhathisplanswithyouare,Ithoughttheonly
smartmovewouldbetoprotectyou.”

“Okaaay,”Irollmyeyesathim,thenpointmygazetothegreen-eyedhunk.Istill

don’tknowwhathe’sdoinginmybrother’shouse.

“Thismanhere,”Maxpointstohisfriend,“isaprivatedetective.”
“What?”Iexclaim,spinningtofaceMax.“Adetective?”Ipause.“Didyouhirehim

tolocateLeo?”Maxshakeshishead.“So,whatishedoinghere?”

“Ihiredhimtoprotectyou.”
No!Nothappening.Itakeastepback,furiouslyshakingmyhead.Iraisemyhands

tostophisnextwords.“Youmustbejoking.”Thiscan’tbehappening.

“No,he’sbeingserious,”thehandsomedetectivecutsin.
“Idon’tneedafreakingnanny,”Ipuff.Thedetective’slipsturnupatthecorners.

Whatdoeshehavetolaughabout?

“Youneedsomeonewhocankeepyousafeateverymomentuntilthethreatis

removed,”Maxstatesseriously.

“Ateverymoment?”Irepeat,shakingmyheadevenmore.“Whatyou’resayingis

thatnowhe’sgoingtobreathedownmyneck,too.Soundsperfect.”Irollmyeyes,
throwingmyarmsintheairdramatically.“Justperfect,”Imutter.“Likeonemanisnot
enough.”Morethanthefactmybrotherhashiredababysitterforme,I’mangeredby
thefactthatbabysitterisincrediblyhotandthatwehaveahistory,eventhoughMax
doesn’tknowanythingaboutit.Boy,Ihopeitstaysthatway.Itbetterstaythatway.
Howonearthdidhemanagetofindtheonedetectivewho’salsoapersonI’veslept
with?

“April,please,don’tmakethingsdifficult.”Max’svoiceisstern.“I’monlytryingto

helpyou.”

“I’mnotmakingthemdifficult.Aprivatedetective,Max?Really?Whycouldn’tyou

askmyopiniononthematterfirst?Afterall,thisconcernsme,notyou.”

“Yes,it’saboutyou.AndyouknowhowIgetwhenapersonIloveisreceiving

threats.”

“Likesomealphamale,”Irollmyeyes.“MeTarzan,youJane.Mehavethefinal

say,”Isayinatheatricallydeepvoice,punchingmyselfonthechestwithmyfisttotop
itoff.Thesexydetectivechuckles,despitetryingtoremainserious.“Doyouthinkthis
isfunny?”Iturntohimwithmyhandsonmyhips.“Youhavenoideahowannoyingit
is,”Itellthedetectivewhoapparentlyfindsmeextremelyhumorous.

“April,please,dothisforme.Atleastthistime,don’tcontradictme.”Max’squiet

andseriousvoicefinallygetstome.

“Fine,”Ihuff,resigned,becauseIknowIcannevergetthelastwordwhenitcomes

tomybigbrotherandme.Iwalkuptothedetectiveandextendmyhandtointroduce
myself,eventhoughit’snotnecessary—heknowsexactlywhoIam.“I’mApril.”

“Jude.JudeO’Rilley,”heresponds,showinghiswhiteteeth,andmyeyesgetstuck

onhisfulllips.Jude.Shit,evenhisnameissexy.Ju-de.Ishould’veknown.Girl,you’rein
serioustrouble!Hiseyesarestudyingmeandhisbigwarmhandisstillwrapped
aroundmysmallerone.Foramoment,Iletmyselfgetlostinhisintensegreeneyes;
greenasthepurest,shiniestdarkemeraldsI’veeverseen.Judeisveryhandsomeina
wild,manlyway.Hisjawiscoveredwithafiveo’clockshadow,whichgiveshima

robust,manlylook.Hissquaredjawandthoseperfect,kissablelipsevokememoriesI
longagoburiedinaplacedeepwithinme—hismouthonme,histonguetracinghis
waydownmyheatedbody…Thethingshedidtome…Iclearmythroatanddivertmy
gazesoIdon’tgetcompletelylostinthedepthsofhisgazeandtakeastepbacksohis
scentdoesn’toverwhelmmysensescompletely.

Itiltmyheadslightlytotheside.“Youdon’tlooklikeadetective,”Isay,and

straightenup.

“No?AndhowdoyouthinkIshouldlook?”Heraisesonecockyeyebrow.
Older,mucholder,withgreyerhair,rounderbelly,anddefinitelynowhereclosetothat

attractive.“Idon’tknow,notlikethis,”Iflapmyarms,pointingathissculpturedbody.
April,getittogether.Youhadaone-nightstandwiththisguy;it’snobigdeal.

Shit,whoamIkidding?Ofcourse,it’sabigdeal.Yousleptwithhim!Andworse,I’ddo

itallagaininaheartbeat!Righthere,rightnow.

Judegrinsasifhejustreadmymind,likeheknewmydirtylittlethoughts.
“Nowthatyoutwoknoweachother,wecangetdowntobusiness.Whatdoyou

say?”Maxinterruptsourexchangeandwesitdownonthecouch.IgiveJudethequick
overviewofwhathasbeenhappeningandthenMaxtakesover.I’msittingbetween
thetwomen,soeverytimeImoveevenslightlymykneebumpsintoJude’slegand
I’mwrappedinhisdeliciousscent.I’mtryingtoremainunaffected,butI’mlosingthe
fightwithmyself.Damnit!Irememberhiseverytouch,everyhitchedbreath,and
everytoe-curlingkisshegaveme.Thenightwesharedwaspassionateandintense,and
Isurrendertothememories.

Hiseyesarefilledwithdesireashisgazeslidesovermynakedskinwhenmydress

hitsthefloor.Helickshislips,andIstarttremblingwithdesire.Hestridesover,grabs
mywristsinhisstronghands,pullingmyarmsovermyhead,andhetrapsmebetween
himandthewall.Ifeelthehardlengthofhimagainstmybelly.Isqueezemyeyesshut.
Mylipstinglewithneedandletoutasoftmoanwhenhismouthfinallydescendsover
mine.Ourtonguesmeetinaprimalmatingdanceandhesuddenlyletsgoofmywrists,
butonlytopickmeupbymybuttanddropmeoffontopofthebed.Histonguesweeps
overmysensitivenipple,causingawaveofpleasurewashoverme.Mybodyis
screamingformore,Ineedmoreofhim,soIrunmyhandsdownhisbodyuntilIreachhis
member,slidingmyhandupanddownhislength,whichdriveshiminsane.Hishead
disappearsbetweenmythighs,andheeatsmeoutlikeI’mhisfavoritedessert,andIcan’t
helpbuttobucklemyhips,tryingtogetasclosetohisexperttongueaspossible.It
doesn’ttakelongformetoexplodelikefireworksonNewYear’sEve.

Buthe’snotfinishedwithme.BeforeIcanregainmysenses,hepushesintome,

buryinghimselftothehilt,takingmetonewheightswithhard,purposefulthrusts.Iflip
himoversoI’mstraddlinghimandIbounceupanddownhishardlengthlikeIcannever
getenoughofhim.Ourbodiesareslickwithsweat;heartspoundingwildlyinourchests.

Suddenlyhegrabsmyhipsandpullsmeoffhim,rollsmeunderneathhim,putsmy

legsoverhisshoulders,andheburieshimselfbackinsidemewithaloudgroan…

Iinhaledeeplyandthenexhale.Ifeeldazed.Histhighkeepsbrushingagainstmine.
“April,youagree,right?”Max’svoicecutsthroughthefoginmyhead.
“Huh?”Iraisemyhead.
“Wereyouevenlistening?”

“Yes,ofcourseIwas,”Ilietohisface.
“Great,thenwearesettled.”
“Yes,sure.”WhatdidIjustsayyesto?IsmilehesitantlyatMax,thenJude.Itcan’t

beanythingdrastic.Judeisgoingtoprotectme,they’llfindLeosoon,andmylifewillget
backontrack.Thissoundsgreat.Ican’treadtheexpressionsontheirfaces,andthey
nodateachotherandshakehands.

“Takeagoodcareofher,”MaxinstructsJude.
“Always,”Judenodssolemnly.“Youready?”Heturnstome.
“Readyforwhat?”Isquintmyeyes,watchinghimcautiously.
“Nowthatyouhaveaccesstoyourhomeagain,it’sbestweheadthererightaway.

ThatwayMaxcancontinuewithhisworkandI’llbeabletoassesshowsafeyouarein
yourhouseandwhatextrasecuritymeasureswecanimplementsoyouaren’tin
danger.”

Whydoeshisvoicesoundsodeliciouslyraspyitmakesmyskineruptingoose

bumps?

“Um,letmejustgrabmythings.Givemefiveminutes.”
“Takeyourtime.We’renotinahurry.”HewinksatmeandImeltunderhisgrin.

April,getyourheadtogetherandforgetaboutthatnight!He’sheretoprotectyou,not
fuckyourbrainsout.

Itdoesn’ttakelongformetopackthefewarticlesofclothingIbroughtwithme.

Then,Itakeaminutetositonthebedtocollectmythoughts.IpickBellaupandbury
myhandsintohersilkyhair,makingherpurrwithdelight.

Howcouldmylifechangesomuch?IhadaboyfriendwhomIloved,butwhodidn’t

appreciatemeenough.Ineverthoughthe’dregrethisdecisionafterwebrokeup.I
alsoneverimaginedhisbehaviorwouldchangesodrastically,either.I’dneverpeghim
asastalker,butapparentlypeoplearecapableofallsortsofthings.AndthenJude
walksrightbackintomylife,remindingmewhatanincrediblenightweshared.Iwas
nevermoresatisfiedinmylife.Andtotopitoff,he’sadetective!Ishould’vefigured.You
can’tbebornwiththatkindofbody;youhavetoworkhardforit.I’mtryingtoconsole
myselfandhopethatthey’llfindLeoinnotime.ThenI’llbeabletogoonwithmylife
withoutLeodestroyingitandwithoutJudemakingmereliveourpassionateencounter
overandoveragaininmyhead.

“Shallwe?”IsayasIreturntothelivingroom.Judegivesmeanod,grabsmybag

andwalksoutthedoor.IsaygoodbyetomybrotherandpromiseI’llvisitsoon.

“I’lldriverightbehindyou,”JudepointshisheadtohiscarasIjoinhimoutside.

ThankGod,Ithink.Ineedtimealonetoprocessthings.

Itfeelslikewe’vebarelytakenoffandwe’realreadystandingonmyporch.Judehas

mybaginhishandsagain,andI’mholdingBella.

“Thankyou,”Isay.“I’msurebabysittingisn’toneofyourfavoritethingstodo.Or

exciting,either.”

“IhaveafeelingI’llbealright.”Heoffersmehischarming,slightlycheekysmile

anditleavesmespeechless.Mycheekseventurnslightlypink.

“Uh,okay,”Iscratchthebackofmyneck.“ThenI’llleaveyouto…Whatdidyou

say?Tocheckifmyhouseissafe?”Jesus,I’mactinglikeanidiot.

“Yes,Ineedtoinspecttherooms,checkthewindows,doors,theoutdoorarea.Let

mejustputthisawayandgograbmythingsinthecar.”

“Yourthings?”Iraisemyeyebrowsinsurprise.Whywouldheneedhisthings?
“Yeah,thebagwithmyclothes.Unlessyouwantmewalkingaroundyourhouse

nakedforthenextfewdays.”

Attheword‘naked’,Iinvoluntarilylickmylips,catchingmylowerlipbetweenmy

teeth.Animageofhimlyingnakedinbedpopsintomyhead.Hisarmisrestingabove
hisheadonthepillowandIwalkovertohim…Then,Ishakemyhead.

“Waitasecond.You’retellingmeyou’regoingtolivewithme?Inmyhouse?”

Please,tellmeImisunderstood.

“Yes,you’vegotyourselfaroommatefortheforeseeablefuture.”
No,no,no.Andno.Shit!Fuck!Ican’tshareahousewithanincrediblysexyguy,

especiallyonethatIknowwhathelookslikeunderallthoseclothes.Itscreams
trouble!Hisscentisgoingtoseepintoeverythinginmyhome,andontopofthat,he’ll
bethere,awalkingtemptation,rightbesideme.Mybattery-operatedfriendisgoingto
burnout.Whywasn’tIlisteningtotheconversationbetweenmybrotherandJude?
I’msurewecould’vefoundanothersolutiontomyproblem.

“April?Youspacedoutforamomentthere.”
“Me?No,”Itrytoplayitcool.“I’mjust…um…feelinghot.”Andthatwasthebest

excuseyoucouldcomeupwith?

“Hot?It’s41degreesoutthere.I’dthinkyou’refreezingcoldinthatthincoat.”A

playfulgrinisplasteredonhisfaceandhisgazeispointedtomychest.Shit,Ihopehe’s
notimaginingmetopless.Ihugmyself.

I’mtryingtoignorehissexappeal.“Yes,I’mhot.Doesn’tmatter.Ithoughtyou’re

goingtoleaveonceI’msafelyhomeandreturnwhenIneededtoleavethehouse.
That’sit.”

“Unfortunately,you’restuckwithme.”
“Yay,me.”Myvoiceisdrippingwithsarcasm.“Ihopeyou’renotexpectingtosleep

inmyroom.”

Judewalksintomyhousebeforemeandlooksaround.“NotthatImind,butIthink

it’llbebestifwesleptinseparaterooms,”hesaysoverhisshoulder.First,hechecksif
thewindowsareshut.Mygazefallstohisdeliciousbutt.April,youneedtofocus.“You
know–soyoucanavoidtemptation,”hewinks.

Mouthagape,Iblinkathiswords.Ifinallyclearmythroattospeak.“Youdon’tneed

toworryaboutthat.Oncewasoncetoomany.”Howdarehe?“Ihaveaguestroomyou
canuse.CanIgotomybedroomnow?Tosortoutthemess?”Ineedtoretreat,my
brain’ssuddenlyemptyofanyreasonablethoughts.Damnyou,Jude!

“AssoonasIcheckifit’ssafe.”Itwon’tbesafewithyouinit,that’safact.Judeinthe

sameroomasmybed—thatcouldprovetoodangerousformyimagination…andfor
mybattery-operatedfriend.

FIVE

Jude

“SHIT

,shit,shit!WhatthehellhaveIgottenmyselfinto?”ImuttertomyselfwhenI

leaveAprilinherbedroomandheadoutside.Ineverimaginedmyclientwouldbethe
womanIspentoneofthemostamazingnightsinmylifewith.AndI’llbedamned.She
looksgood,evenmorebeautifulthanwhenIfirstsawher,ifthat’sevenpossible.She
wasatrafficstoppereventhen.

WhenI’dleftMax’sofficethatmorning,Ineverwould’veimaginedthegirlstanding

inthekitchen,mile-longlegsandwearingnothingbutashirtthatbarelycoveredher
butt,wasthegirlI’vealreadyhadaverypleasantencounterwithoncebefore.Andshe
stoppedmeinmytracksonceagain.IhavenoideahowlongIstoodthere,justtaking
inthevisioninfrontofme.Allthatbareskin…Themomentsheturnedtofaceme,I
almostchokedonmysaliva.Itwasthegirlwho’dmanagedtocrawlundermyskinin
lessthananight…Myhungryeyestookineverysingleinchofherexquisitebodythat
wasn’tcovered.Igothardinaninstant,likeateenager,andIwasgratefulforthe
kitchenislandbetweenussoIdidn’tcompletelyembarrassmyself.Iwantedtograb
herandbendheroverthecounter,havemywaywithher,tasteheragain.Thatnight
she’dbeenlikeawildcat,demandingeverythingandgivingbackevenmore.I’dnever
thoughtI’deverseeheragainandnowsheturnsouttobemynewestjobassignment.

Ithappenedalittleovertwoyearsago,afterIclosedaverytoughcaseandheaded

outtoabarwithmyfriendstounwindalittle.Thereshewas,sittingacrossacrowded
bar,andmyplanschanged.Inthatinstant,myonlyobjectivebecametoseduceher.I
hadtohaveher.Shegrabbedmyattentionwithherstunningblueeyes,fullredlips,
longcurlyhairandskintightminidress.Shesatatthebar,laughingatsomethingher
friendshoutedintoherear.Iwalkeduptothemandboughtthemdrinks.The
attractionbetweenthegirlandmewasinstantaneousandexploding,andashortwhile
later,wewereinherhotelroomindulgingintheblindingpassion.Ineveraskedher
whyshewasatthathotel,orwhatbroughthertothecity.Heck,evenournamesdidn’t
comeup.Weweretooconsumedwithlust,talkingwasthelastthingonourminds.The
onlythingIwantedandneededatthatmomentwasherbodyundermineandme

insideofher.Wegaveeachotherthebestnightofourlives,andafteraverypleasant
showerwetooktogetherinthemorning,Iwalkedoutofherhotelroomandoutofher
life,leavinghersatisfied.Itwasjustsex,butitwasthebestI’veeverhad.

AndthenImeethertwoyearslaterinMax’shouse,allcurvesandtemptation,and

aboveall,she’shissister.I’minserioustrouble.Everytimeherbig,blueeyeslookedat
meinthatkitchen,Icouldn’tstoptheimagesofherinthathotelroomonherknees,
hermouthwrappedaroundmyharddick,hereyesstaringupunabashedlyintomine
asshesuckedmeoff.I’dbeeninseventhheaven.“Down,buddy,”Imumbleintothe
directionofmycrotchwheremyjeanshavejustbecomeuncomfortablytight.“Ihave
asneakysuspicionthesearegoingtobesomelong,torturousdays…”

Theclientisuntouchable,nomatterhowattractiveorhowpersuasivesheis.I

nevergetinvolvedwiththem.ThisismyoneandonlyruleIsticktoandI’msuddenly
startingtohateit.Hertoned,barelegswerepracticallybeggingmetowrapthem
aroundmywaist.Andherluscious,disheveledhair—Icouldimaginegrabbinga
handfulofherhair,tiltingherheadbackandtrailingapathdownherthroatwithmy
tongueandlips…Ishakemyhead;nowisnotthetimefordirtythoughts.Ineedto
focusonhowtokeepAprilsafe,andit’llbeahelluvaloteasiertodosowithoutwalking
aroundwithblueballs.

We’reatApril’shouseandshe’sinherbedroom,cleaningthemessherexmade.

ThestateoftheroomfilledmewithsuchrageIcouldbarelycontainmyself.Idespise
menwhointimidateandhurtwomen.Especiallythosewhojustcan’tseemtorealize
they’vemessedupsobadlytherelationshipcannevergetbacktothebetterdays.
They’remakingitevenworsebyactinglikecompletepsychos.EventhoughIfeellikeI
couldlosemysanityaroundApril,too.Whichmanwouldn’t?Icanseemyselfwalking
aroundwithblueballsforalongwhile,atleastuntilI’mfinishedwiththecase,and
thenI’mgoingtoindulgeinsomewildpartyinglateintothenight.Untilthen,I’lljust
havetomakedotakinglotsoflong,coldshowers.Idon’tknowwhyImadeapromise
tomyselfthatIwouldn’tgetinvolvedwithclients.I’dhadalotofopportunitiesinthe
past.Womenwho’dhiredmetofindoutwhethertheirhusbandswerecheatingon
themandifIconfirmedtheirsuspicions,theyusuallyweren’tsaddenedormad,they
preferredtogetevenbytryingtogetmeinbed.Icould’veusedthoseopportunities,
butIdidn’t,becauseIwasdisgustedbytheidea.Iftheylovedtheirhusbandslike
they’dclaimed,thenewsabouttheirhusbandshavingamistressonthesidewould’ve
hurtthem.Buttheyweremostlyonlyinterestedinrevengeanddivorcesettlements.
Sometimes,Ijustdon’tunderstandpeople.NotthatI’manangelmyself!I’vehadquite
afewwomeninmylife,butI’mabachelorwhoishonestwithhislifechoices,so
womenalwaysknewwhattheyweregettingthemselvesinto.Nobigdeal.Ichoosenot
togettooemotionallyinvolvedwithwomen,notbecauseIdon’tallowmyselfto,but
becauseIsimplydon’thavethetime.Sometimes,I’mawayonajobforweeksonend.
I’dseenmyparents’marriagesufferwhendadusedtodothesame.Momwas
constantlyworriedabouthissafetywhenhewasaway,andnotmuchhaschanged
eventhoughhenowworksinanoffice.Theirmarriagewasontherocksforawhile,
and,withjoinedefforts,theymanagedtosaveit,buttheyneededtomakealotof
sacrifices.ThatiswhyIpreferone-nightstands.

ButwithApril,forsomemysteriousreason,it’sdifferent.Shekeepsbringingoutan

animalsideofme.Thistime,it’sgoingtoproveextremelydifficulttokeepmydickin
mypants.AndI’mprettysuretheattractionismutual,whichmakesitevenmore
tempting.Isawherundressingmewithhereyes,hertonguesubconsciouslyrunning
overherlips,watchingmeasifIwasthemostdeliciousmealshecouldn’twaitto
indulgein.PerhapsIshouldfuckheragain,onelasttime,togetheroutofmysystem
andheadsoIcouldrestorebalanceandfocussolelyonthejob.

ImentallyshakeoffthethoughtsofAprilandmeinbed.I’mheretodoajob.And

performingthatjobwithahard-ondoesn’thelponebit,soIwalkaroundherproperty,
lookforweakspots,andobservetheneighboringhouses.WhenI’mfamiliarwith
everyrockandbushonthesite,Ifocusonthefrontdoorofherhouse.April’shouseis
bigandtastefullyfurnished.Therearealotofpaintingshangingonthewallsandthere
areverticalblindsonallthewindows.Inthelivingroom,thereisagiantsofawithaflat
screenTVsobigthatitwouldn’tfitintomybedroom.Thefloorsarecoveredinan
expensivelookingcarpetandherspaciousandmodernkitchenisequippedwith
cuttingedgegadgets.Besidesthemasterbedroom,therearethreeguestrooms.The
girlisloaded,that’sforsure,butconsideringhowluxuriousthehouseisitssecurityis
sohalf-assed.Itdoesn’teventakemuchforcetopushopenthefrontdoorandenterthe
house.Myfirstobjectiveistoreplacetheold,woodenfrontdoorwithsomething
sturdier,andinstallasecuritysystem.That’sagoodstart.

“CanIofferyousomethingtodrink?”Aprilasks,hertonefriendlyasshemovesto

standbesidemewiththecatinherlap.

“Justsomewater,please,”Isay,eventhoughI’dgivemyleftnutforsomethingabit

strongerinthismoment.IfrownasIstareatthefrontdoor.

“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Checkingthestateofthishouse’ssecurity.Yourfrontdoorwillhavetobereplaced.

Andyou’llhavetogetasecuritysystem.”

“Asecuritysystem?Idon’tneedthat.”
“Thinkagain,”Iarchmyeyebrow.“Thatway,you’llfeelsafer.”
I’msurprisedshedoesn’tobjectfurther;sheturnsonherheelandleavesinthe

directionofthekitchen.Aminutelater,shestandsbeforemewithabottleofwaterin
herhand.Thenshewalksoffagain,intothelivingroomthistime,turnstheTVonand
plopsdownonthecouch.Thecatfollowssuit.

“CanyoutellmemoreaboutLeo?”IwalkinafterthecatandsitnexttoApril.Iwant

togettoknowLeothroughhereyes.

“Didn’tMaxgooverthatalready?”Shesoundsannoyed.
“Ineedtohearitfromyou.ThingsMaxdoesn’tknowabout.I’msureyouhaven’t

sharedeverydetailofyourrelationshipwithyourbrother.”

“Okay,”shesighsandstraightens.“But,asI’vesaidbefore,Leowasneverviolentor

anythinglikethat.Hewaslazy,yes.IsometimesfeltlikeIwashismotherorhismaid.
Hisclothesandfoodleftoverswereeverywhere.Weneverwentonatriportothe
movies.AllhewantedtodowaswatchTV,ignoringmemostofthetime.Wedidn’t
havesexformonths.”Hercheeksturnslightlypinkaftershementionssex,but
changesthetopicsoonafter.“Hewasneverpossessiveofme.Well…”sheraisesa
finger.Itiltmyheadtotheside.“Hewasjealousofmyco-worker,Todd.Butthat’sit.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah,hedidn’tparticularlylikemeworkingwithhimbecauseTodd’sreputationis

thatofawomanizer.Toddhasalwaysalsobeenquitevocalaboutthefacthe’dliketo
getmenaked.ButLeoknewI’dnevercheatonhim,eventhoughhe’sanassholewho
didn’tcareaboutmemuch.”

“Didhedrinkalot?”Aprilnods.“Howfrequently?”
“Hewasdrunkmorethanhewassober,”sheshakesherhead.“Ican’tremember

himwithoutanalcoholicbeverageinhishand,beitabeerorsomethingstronger.I’ve
askedhimtimeandtimeagaintocheckhimselfintorehabtogetclean.”

IfinditinterestingAprilstillharborshopeshecansavehim,despitehisconstant

harassment.Manypeoplewould’vegivenupallhopealongtimeago,butnotApril.

Shetellsmeabouthisupbringing,hisfamily,jobandtheirrelationship.Lastly,she

hesitantlygivesmearecapofthedownfalloftheirrelationship,howthealcoholruined
everythinggoodtheyhad.He’dlikedtodrinksociallywhenheandAprilfirststarted
datingbut,afterhisbrotherwaskilledinacaraccident,hisdrinkingspiraledoutof
control.Leoblamedhimselfforhisbrother’sdeath.Hewassupposedtopickuptheir
parentsfromtheairport,buthewenttoapartyinsteadandaskedhisbrothertogoto
theairport.Itwasn’tLeo’sfaultdestinydealthisfamilyashittycard,butheobviously
didn’tseeitthatway.

“Noticeanythingmissing?”Inodtowardherbedroom,theonlyroomthatwas

ransacked.

“Umm...actually,yes.”
“Whatwasit?”
Hernosescrunchesupadorablyasshesays,“Twopairsofpanties.”

I’MSITTING

backstageonthesetofApril’sshow.WeexplainedtoherbosswhyI’llbe

accompanyingherfortheforeseeablefutureandwhyit’scrucialwekeepthingsunder
wraps.Hewassurprisinglyunderstandingandaccommodating,aslongasIdon’tmess
withhiswork.

Infrontofthecameras,Aprilissittingontheelegantsofanexttoherco-workerand

theirguest,apainter.Theyarealltalkingandsmiling.Sheseemssonaturalatherjob.
Herlegsarecrossed,onearmrestingonthearmofthesofaandtheotheroneholding
cuenotes.Herco-host,Todd,isconstantlytouchingherinsomeway,grinningather
withgooglyeyes,whichtellsmehe’sreallyintoher,notjustplayingaroleforthe
camera.Dreamon,lecher!NowonderLeowasjealousofhim.AnyfoolcanseeTodd
wantstojumpApril’sbones.

IfocusbackonApril.Abeautifulsmilethatreacheshereyesisonherface.She’s

wearingagrey,high-waistedskirtthatreachesdowntoherknees,andsinceI’msitting
onthefarendofthestudio,Icanseetheskirtalsohasasideslitthatexposesthe
smoothskinofherthigheverytimeshemovesorcrossesherlegs.Icantellshespends
alotoftimeatthegym.She’salsowearingablack,see-throughblouseandaheavy
silverbraceletisdanglingoffherdelicatewrist.Herlongcurlsarepinnedtotheside,
fallingdownherleftshoulder,andherheadistilted.Ilovethecolorpinkonherlips;it
givesheranaughtyedgeandshelookssinfullydeliciouswithherlipsslightlyajar.I
wanttorunmytongueacrossthemtocheckiftheyarestillasdeliciousasbackthen.

“Yes,”Aprilputsahandtoherear.“Iwasjusttoldwehaveacallforourguest,”she

smiles.“Who’swithus?”

“April,”amuffledvoicebreathesontheothersideoftheline.Ijerkoutofthechair

soquickthatitfallstothefloorwithaloudbang.April’sterror-filledeyesfindmine,
andIcanseeshedoesn’tknowhowtoreact.Thecallercontinues:“Mylove.We’llbe
unitedsoon.”Hisvoiceisdark,deep,muffled.Computerized.

“Stop,stop,”herbossorders.“Let’sswitchtocommercials!Now!”Theproducer

yells.“Whatthehellwasthat?”

Iruntothesoundengineer.“Canthecallbetraced?Doyouhavethecaller’sphone

number?”

Themanwiththephonespeakersonhisheadshakeshisheadno.“No,nonumber.”
“Shit!”Icurse,runningahandthroughmyhair,theotheronmyhip.After

mutteringafewinnovativecursewords,IreturntothestudiotolookforApril.She’s
talkingwithherassistantasIwalkuptothem.

“Youokay?”Igiveheralookover.
“Yeah.Ididn’texpectsomethinglikethattohappen,”shesaysquietly,asmallsmile

onherface,butIcanseeit’sjustafrontsheputup.Behindit,she’sfeelinganythingbut
fine.

“He’sgottenmoredaring.”That’safact.
“Canyoucontinue?”herbossasksApril.
“Yes,ofcourse,”shenods,andstraightens.
Igentlygrabherwristandpullheraside.“Areyousureaboutthat?”
“Yes.Ineedtofinishtheshow,it’smyjob.”
“Okay.I’llberighthere.”Iunderstandherneedtocontinue.I’mstillholdingher

handandIrunmythumbovertheundersideofherwrist.IpointtotheseatI’vebeen
sittinginearlier.Aprilnodssolemnly,and,afterthemake-upartistretouchesher
alreadyperfectmakeup,shereturnstoherseatasatrueprofessional.Whilethey’re
filming,Iheadtoherchangingroomtolookaroundforanycluesandthenovertoher
officehopingtofindsomeofthemissingpiecesofthepuzzle.AsIwalkintotheoffice,I
noticeawitheredbouquetofsunflowersinthetrashcanalongwithacrumpledup
note.Scanningthroughthedocumentsonherdesk,Ialsonoticepicturesshehastaped
tothewall.

“Whatdowehavehere?”Ihearawoman’svoicebehindme.Idon’tturnaround,

justturnmyheadtoseeaprettyblondeinherearlythirties,openlystaringatmybutt,
aconfidentgrinonherlips.

“CanIhelpyou?”Iraiseaneyebrowandturntoextendmyhand.“JudeO’Rilley.”
“Oh,Iknowwhoyouare,”shesmilesflirtatiously,herlowerlipcaughtbetweenher

teeth.“I’mTina,April’sco-worker.Thewholebuilding’sbeentalkingaboutyou.It’snot
oftenwegetavisitbysuchahandsomeman.”Shewinksatme,leaningforward.

Ihaven’tevenbeenhereformorethantwohoursandeverybodyalreadyknows

aboutme?Unbelievable.Somuchaboutkeepingthingsunderwrap.

IfocusbackonTina.She’saveryattractivewoman,whodemandsattentionwith

herfieryredlipstickandaskintightdresswithaplungingneckline.It’smorethan
obviousshe’sintome.I’vemetwomenlikeherbefore—womenwhodidn’tmindafun
rollbetweenthesheetswithme.IfIweren’tonthejob,I’daskherout.Becauseof

April,Ihaveaseriouscaseofblueballs.

“SoyouandAprilare…”
“Oldacquaintances,”Ifinish.
“Ah,goodforher.Longlastingfriendshipsareimportant.”Shereachesher

manicuredhandouttograbmybiceps.“Wow!Ilovetattoos.Ihaveonemyself.Want
tosee?”

“Notnow.Maybelater.”Notinterestedabitinhertattoos.
“Okay,”shesmileswickedly.“Youhaveanymore?”Shepressesherbodytomine.
“Tina?Jude?”Aprilwalksintotheoffice,lookingfrommetoherandbacktome.It

doesn’tescapeherattentionthatTina’shandwasjustonmyarmandthatwe’re
standingveryclosetoeachother.

“Oh,April!”Tinaexclaimsinfakesweetness.“Ijustcametosayhellotoourguest,”

shesays,winkingatme.

“Idon’tknowwhythatdoesn’tsurpriseme,”Aprilmuttersunderherbreath,but

stillloudenoughforTinaandItobothhearher.“Jude,I’mdone.Shallwego,orwould
youratherentertainTinasomemore?”Thetoneofhervoiceispolite,butIcansee
she’slessthanpleasedtohavefoundusinheroffice.

“Tina,itwasnicetalkingtoyou,butIneedtogetbacktowork.”Tinalooksannoyed.

IwalkovertoApril,who’sstillstandingatthedoor,watchinguswithsuspicion.

“Oh,Jude?”Tinacallsafterme.
“Yes?”Istop,lookingovermyshoulder.
“Haveaniceday.”Herpearlywhitesshinebrightlyassheoffersmeaseductive

smile.IcanpracticallyfeelAprilrollinghereyes,andsheleaves.

“You,too,”Inodwithasmile,andhurryofftocatchupwithApril.

“YOUDON’TLIKETINA

?”Mycuriositygetsthebestofmeaswe’redrivingbacktoher

house.

Aprilsighs.“Notreally,butIdon’twanttogetintothat.Yousurelookedlikeyou

likedher.”

“Wewerejusttalking.”
“Youdon’tneedtoexplain.That’snoneofmybusiness.WhatIwanttoknowis

whatyouweredoingsnoopingaroundinmyoffice.”

“Ijustwantedtoseewhereyouwork.IhaveafeelingImissedsomething,andit

keepsbuggingme.”

“Didyoufindanythingimportant?”
“No,Ididn’thavemuchtime.Tinainterruptedme.”
“Mhm,”Aprilsaysandturnstothepassengerwindow.
Afterafewminutesofsilence,Isay,“Inoticedabouquetofsunflowersinthetrash.

FromLeo,Ipresume?”

“Yes,that’swhyit’sinthetrash.”
“Hasheevercalledyouatworklikethat?”
“Notduringtheshow.Todaywasthefirsttime.Itcreepedthehelloutofme.”
“Notjustyou.Hey,sincewe’reonthattopic…HavethepolicemanagedtogetLeo’s

phonerecords?”

“Idon’tknow.Whywouldtheyneedthem?Ialreadytoldthemhe’sbeencalling

me,andIevenshowedthemthemessages.”

“Noreason.”Idon’tbotherexplaining.Ihaveatheory,butI’mnotgoingtoshareit

withApriljustyet.We’llseehowthenextfewdaysturnout.

SIX

April

JUDEPLACES

alittlevelvetboxinfrontofme.Itsuspiciouslylookslikeajewelrybox.

“Whatisthis?”Iaskhesitantly.ThelastthingIwouldeverexpectfromhimisjewelry.

“Openit,”hesays.
Ishakemyhead.“Dreamon.”Whatthehellishethinking?Ipushtheboxaway

fromme.“Idon’twantit.”

“Don’tbedifficult.Justopenit,”herollshiseyesatme.
“Look,Idon’tknowwhatyouwerethinking,butIdon’tneedjewelry.Whydon’t

yougiveittoyourgirlfriendinstead?”IjustsawhimflirtingshamelesslywithTinaand
nowhewantsmetowear…whateveritisinthebox.

“I’mnotaskingyoutomarrymeoranything,”hesayswearily.“It’sforyourown

safety.Besides,you’renotmytype.”

“I’mnotyour…”Iinhalesharply.‘Notmytype’,hesays,buthehadnosuchissue

whilehewasscrewingme.Asshole.“Thatwasn’twhatyouweresayingwhenyouhad
meunderyou,”Iremindhim,feelingalittlehurt.Iknowmenseeone-nightstands
differentlythanwomen,butIknewwhatIwasgettingmyselfinto,andIneededthat
night.Ofcourse,ithadcrossedmymindthatImightregretitinthemorning,butthat
didn’thappen.Istillfeellikewehadsomethingspecialandneitherofuscandenyit.
Hell,Icanstillfeeltheelectricitybetweenus.

“Youknewwhattoexpectfromme,andItoldyouI’mnotlookingfora

relationship.Andyes,youwerehot.I’dbestupidifIdidn’ttaketheopportunity.”

“So,backthenIwasyourtype,butonlybecauseyourlittlechickenwashungryand

youneededtofeedit?You’resofullofyourself.”

“Firstly,youknowexactlymycockisanythingbutlittle,andsecondly,Inever

claimedtobeasaint.I’mjustamanwholoveswomenandtheircurves.”Anarrogant
smileappearsonhisface.

“Well,thenit’sagoodthingIdon’thaveanycurves,”heshakeshishead,muttering

somethingtohimself.

“Ithinkwegotseriouslyoffthetopic,”hesuddenlylaughs.“Look,ifyoudon’twant

toopenit,I’lldoitforyou,butyouaregoingtowearit.”Hesoundsseriousallofa
sudden.

“Don’ttellmewhattodo!IgetthatenoughfromMax.”
Juderollshiseyesandflipstheboxlidopen.Insideisasimple,yetbeautifulbracelet

withatinygeminthemiddle.“That’snotagift,”hesays.“Seethisgem?”

“Yes,”Icrossmyarmsovermychest.“Whataboutit?”Iask.
“It’sactuallyatransmitter.Ifyoueverfeelthreatened,ifyoufindyourselfin

danger,justpressit.Thetransmitterwillalertme.I’llbeabletotrackyouquickly,iffor
somereasonI’mnotwithyou.”

“Oh,”Isay,soundinglikeafool.AndIfeellikeone,too.WhatonearthwasI

thinking?Hewouldn’tbuymejewelry;webarelyevenknoweachother.“So,you’ll
knowatalltimeswhereIam?No,thankyou.”

“Thetransmittergoesoffonlyifyoupressthebutton.So,there’snostalking

involved,”heexplainscalmly.“Look,Igiveeveryclientthat’sinapeculiarsituation
likeyoursthisdevice.It’seasierforthemandus,ifsomethinghappens.Thisway,
we’vesavedmanylives.Besides,Iknowwhereyouare.DidyouforgetthatIlivewith
younow?”Thecornersofhismouthturnup.

“HowcouldIeverforgetthat?”Myvoiceisseepingwithsarcasm.
JuderemovesthebraceletfromtheboxandpinsitonmywristnexttotheoneI’m

alreadywearing.Hisgazelingersonthebraceletsforaminute,makingmyskintingle.
HethenrunsafingerovermywristsogentlyIcanbarelysenseit,butgoosebumps
stilleruptovermyskin.

“Inoticedyoulikewearingbracelets.YouhadthreeonthatnightifI’mnot

mistaken.Ijustgotthebracelettoday.Ithinkit’sperfect;morefittingthananecklace
orabrooch.”

Henoticedmewearingbracelets?Interesting.Myheartstartsbeatingfasterathis

comment,butthenImentallyhitmyselfoverthehead—observingpeopleishisjob.

“Sorry.”Judequicklyletsgoofmyhand,asifhejustnownoticedhewasholdingit

inhisown.

THENEXTMORNING

,IfindJudeinthelivingroom,doingpushups,andwearing

nothingbutdarkbluesportsshorts.Sweatisdrippingdownhisimpressivechest.I
allowmyselftoremainquiet,justwatchinghimdoinghisthing,andtakeinthescenery
infrontofme;hiscarvedmusclesaredancingwiththemovementshemakes,
clenchingandrelaxing.Iswallowhard.Eventhoughhe’ssweaty,helookslikea
millionbucks.AndI’mstandingthereinmyoversizedblueflannelpajamascoveredin
cartoonminions,myheadamessofcurlsstickingoutineverydirection,andIneedat
leastonecupofcoffeetostartfunctioningproperly.

“Caretojoinme?”I’mstartledbyJude’ssuddenquestion,hisvoicesoftandslightly

outofbreath.He’sstilldoingpushups,eyestotheground,yethenoticedmecoming
intotheroom.

“How…”Itrailoff,steppingfurtherintothelivingroom,tryingtogetmyhairunder

controlbycombingthroughitwithmyfingers.“YouknewIwashere.”Ishould’ve
knownhewasthatgood.

Judedoesthreemorepushups,thenpushestohisfeet,andreachesforhiswater

bottle.Hetakeslongswallowsfromit.Ican’thelpmyselfbutstareathisAdam’sapple
movingupanddownwiththemotion.Afewwaterdropletsdripdownhischin.I
subconsciouslywetmylipsbeforeIrealizeI’vebeenoglinghimlikeafool.Hewipes
hisfacewithatowelbeforehelooksatme.

“Icouldseeyourshadowonthefloor.”
“Oh.”Ihaven’tthoughtofthat.“Areyoufinished?”
“Justafewmoreminutes.Why?”
“I’mabouttomakecoffee.Wantsome?”
“Yes,please.”
Iturnonmyheelandhurryoutoftheroomsomybrainwon’tbeoverflowedwith

imagesofhishalf-nakedbody;Idon’tneedmorefuelformyfantasies.Butfirst,Irunto
thesecondfloortogetchangedandtoputonsomemake-up,soIdon’tlooklikea
completeslobnexttohim.

HalfanhourlaterasI’mmakingscrambledeggs,Ismellsomethingnice,butit

doesn’tcomefrommycooking,that’sforsure.Smellofmuskfillsmynostrils.Idon’t
turnaroundbutIclosemyeyes,takingitin.

“Andshecancook!”Jude’svoicesoundsrightbehindmyback.Icastaglanceover

myshoulder,andIalmostbumpmynoseintoJude’schest.Withagrinonhisface,he
reachesovermyshouldertogrababanana.Hethengrabsahighstool,bringsitoverto
meandplopsdownonit.“You’refullofsurprises,Princess,”hesaysthrougha
mouthfulofbanana.

Iwrinklemynoseathisannoyingnickname.“Don’tspeakwithyourmouthfull.”
Judeshrugs.“Ididn’tthinkagirllikeyoucouldcook.”
“Agirllikeme?”
“Youknow,agirlwho’sloaded.”
Ifeelastingathiswords.“Look,”Isayslowly,“ifIhappentoliveinafancyhouse,

thatdoesn’tnecessarilymeanI’mrollingindough,youpresumptuousasshole.Thisis
myfamilyhome,anditcarriesaspecialplaceinmyheart.Andno,Ididn’tpayforit
withmymoney,butIinheriteditfrommyfather,whomIwasforcedtoputina
nursinghomebecauseIwasafraidforhissafetyandcouldn’triskhimwanderingoffor
hurtinghimselfwhenIwasoutofthehouse.Icouldneveraffordahouselikethison
myown.”I’mfumingwithanger.“MaxandIdidn’thavethehearttosellit.Thisplace
holdstoomanypreciousmemoriesforus.SoweagreedIshouldkeepitandmaybe
startmyownfamilyhereoneday.Happynow?I’mnotsomespoiled,richkid,whogot
thehousefromherfilthyrichparentsasagift,orbecauseIfuckedsomeonetogetit.
TheonlyreasonIownthishouseisbecauseIhadtoputmydearfatherintoanursing
home!Socutitoutwithyourjudgmentalpresumptionsbecauseyoudon’tknow
anythingaboutme!”Istormoutofthekitchenandupthestairstomybedroom.
Throwingmyselfonthebedonmyback,Iletoutanangrysighandfocusmyeyesat
theboringwhiteceiling.Ican’tbelieveIletsuchajudgmentalandprejudicedman
touchme.I’msuchafool.

“April,”Ihearagentlevoiceontheothersideofthedoor.“I’msorry.Ididn’tmean

itlikethat.Iwasjusttryingtomakeajoke,anditwenthorriblywrong.”

Idon’trespond.Iwanthimtogoawayandleavemealone.

“I’mcomingin.”
“Don’tyoudare!”Iyell,butheignoresme.First,hisheadpokesintotheroom,and

thenhiswholebodyfillstheentrance.Hehesitatesforamoment,butthenIfeelthe
mattressdipwherehesitsdownatthefootofthebed.

“I’mreallysorry,okay?”
“Sureyouare,”Isayquietly.
“No,really,Iam.Itwasreallycrappyofmetosaythat.Inevershould’vesaidit.”
“Don’tjumptoconclusionssoquicklynexttime.Maybeyou’reusedtomeeting

privilegedormoney-hungrygirls,butI’mnotoneofthem.Iworkedmyassofffor
everysinglepennyIhaveinmybankaccount.I’veneverbeendependentonanyone
inmylife,especiallyaman,andIneverwillbe.So,don’tjudgemejustbecauseIowna
bighouse.”

“I’mnotjudgingyou,andwhatIsaidearlierwaswrong.”Inod,andsincewe’ve

clearedthingsupIexpecthimtoleave,buthedoesn’tmoveaninch.

“What?”Ibarkout.
“Yousaidyouwereafraidaboutyourfather’swanderingoffandthatyouhadtoput

himinanursinghome.Why?”

Afteralongsilence,Ishare,“HehasAlzheimer’s.Hisconditionwasgetting

progressivelyworse,sowehadtofindafacilitythatwouldtakecareofhimbetterthan
weevercould.Itwasthemostdifficultdecisionwe’veevermade,butwehadno
choice.”Aloudringingofthebellatthefrontdoorinterruptsme.

Judejumpstohisfeet.“Youexpectingsomeone?”
“No.”Igetoffthebedandheadtowardthebedroomdoor.Withhisraisedhand,

JudestopsmebeforeIcanrundownstairsandmovestothewindows,whichare
overlookingtheentrancetothehouse.“Whatisit?”Idon’tknowwhyI’mwhispering.

“Iwanttoseewho’satthedoor.”
Irollmyeyes.“Ihaveapeephole,youknow.”
“Let’sjustkeepyouuphereuntilIcandeterminewhetheryou’resafeornot.”
“Okay,Mr.Careful.Isitsafeornot?”Istompmyfeetonthegroundwithmyhands

onmyhips.

“There’safemaleatthedoor,approximatelyyourage,withshortblackhair.Doyou

knowher?”

Rebecca.Shit.IforgottotellherI’mhome.“That’smybestfriend,”ItellhimasI

runpasthimdownstairsandthrowthedooropen.Rebeccawalksdeterminedlyaround
meintothehouse,irritationplasteredalloverherface.

“WhydidMaxhavetotellmethatyou’rehome?Icalledhislandlinelikeyoutold

metobecauseIwantedtoknowifthere’sanynewsonLeo.Ialmostchokedonmy
bagelwhenheinformedmeyou’renolongerstayingthere.Howcanheletyoustay
hereonyourownaftereverythingthat’shappened?Thatdoesn’tsoundlikeMaxatall.
Didhelosehismind?”Shestopsherrantwhenshelooksmeover.“Andwhatareyou
wearing?”Ihavenoideahowshecancatchabreathwhilesputteringwordsoutofher
mouthatthespeedoflight.

“WhatiswrongwithwhatI’mwearing?”Ilookdownatmygreyyogapantsanda

simplewhiteV-neck.Ihaveglassesonandmyhairisinamessybun.Sheknowsthisis
myusualcasuallooktoweararoundthehouse.

“OutofeverythingI’vejustsaid,youonlyfocusedontheclothes?It’sSunday,silly.

WealwayshitthegymSundaymorning.”Sherollshereyesatmeaffectionately.

It’sSunday?Dammit.Itcompletelyslippedmymind,andthepartialreasonforthat

isdefinitelyonegreen-eyedprivatedetective.

“So,whyaren’tyoustillatMax’s?Youknowit’snotsafeforyoutobeherealone.”
I’mnotsurprisedMaxdidn’ttellheraboutJude;shemostlikelydidn’tgivehima

chancetospeak.BeforeIcanexplain,Iseehereyeswideningatsomethingbehindme.
Hermouthdropsopen.“Didyouknowthere’saguystandinginyourkitchen?Avery.
Sexy.Guy.Whatthehellishappening?”shewhispers,justasJudewalksuptous.

“Rebecca,ifyouletmespeakforasecond,Iwould’vebeenabletotellyou

everything.”Grabbingherhand,ItakehertothelivingroomandbeckonJudewithmy
headtojoinus.

“So,Rebecca,thisisJude.Jude,thisismybestfriend,RebeccaHuges.”
“Nicetomeetyou,”Judegrinsatherasheshakesherhand,andIneedtoelbowher

ribstostopherfromsalivatingalloverhim.

“Wheredidyoufindthisfinespecimenofaman?”shewhispersintomyearwhen

shefinallybreaksoutofhertrance.

“Jude’saprivatedetectiveMaxhiredtoprotectme.That’swhyI’mnolongerathis

place.”

“He’saprivatedetective?Seriously?Helooksasifhejustwalkedoffacoverofa

fashionmagazine.”Ismile.ThatwasmyfirstthoughtwhenIsawhiminthatbar,too.

“He’sstandingrighthereandcanheareverything,”Judemuses,undoubtedlyloving

alltheattention.

“Sorry,I’vejustnevermetadetectivethatlookedlikeyou,that’sall.”
Juderaisesaneyebrow.“So,you’veseenyourshareofprivatedetectives?”
Rebeccastillsandthinksforasecond.“Well,notinreallife,obviously.ButIwatcha

lotofTV,andusually,they’rebigfansofdonuts.Youdon’tlooklikeyou’veeverhad
one.”Shewavesherfingerathisstomachwheretheoutlineofhisrippedabdomenis
clearlyseenthroughtheT-shirthe’swearing.

BeforeRebeccacanmakeanevenbiggerfoolofherself,Iputmyhandoverher

mouthandturntoJude.“CanIhaveafewminutesalonewithRebecca?”Judelooksat
Rebecca,me,andthennods.

“I’llbeinthekitchenifyouneedme.”
“Thanks.”Then,Idragmybestfriendtomybedroomwherewecanhavemore

privacy.

RebeccawordlesslydropsdowntothefootofthebedandIjoinher.
“I’msorryfornotcallingyou.I’vehadalotofthingsonmyplatethelastcoupleof

days,”Isayapologetically.

“Mhm.AndoneofthemisTall,DarkandSexy?”Ichuckleatthesillylovesick

expressiononherface.

“Well,yes.”
“Andtheguyliveswithyou?”
“UntiltheycatchLeo.”Itstillsoundsweirdsayingit.
“Howcanyouevensleepwiththatwalkingorgasminthenextroom?”Shefansher

faceandIlaugh.Ifsheonlyknewhowdifficultitwastofallasleep,tossingandturning

forhours,untilIsawnoothersolutionbuttopullmybattery-operatedfriendoutofthe
bottomdrawerofmynightstandandthoughtbacktothewild,passionatenightI’d
spentwithhim.Irecalledhishandsandhislipsonmybody,anditwasn’tlonguntilI
foundmyrelease,barelysuppressingthemoans.Itdidlittletorelievethepentup
sexualtensioninsideme,butitwasamomentaryreliefandIcouldfinallyfindsome
sleep.

“Idon’texactlyhavemuchchoice.”
“Hekindofmakesmewanttohaveastalkerofmyown.”Hercommentthrowsme

completelyoffguardandIjumptomyfeet,drawingasharpintakeofbreath.“What’s
wrong?”Rebeccagetsuptostandinfrontofme,herhandonmyshoulder,concerned.

“Don’teversaythat!Youhavenoideahowhorribleitisbeingstalked.Whenyou

constantlyhearsomeone’sfootstepsbehindyou,whenyouknowheperverselyenjoys
yourparanoia,whenyoukeeplookingoveryourshoulderhopingyoudon’tsee
anyonebehindyou.Thisisn’tagame,Rebecca.Maxisdesperate,abouttogoinsane
withworryformysafety.Believeme,thelastthingIwantisaprivatedetective
constantlyfollowingme.”

“I’msosorry.Idon’tknowwhyIblurtedthatout!Isowasn’tthinkingclearly.”
“It’sokay.Iknowyoudidn’tmeananythingbythat,butitstillhurtme.I’dgive

anythingtogobacktowalkingaroundfreelyandwithoutworry,backthenwhena
simplestrolldownthestreetwasthemostnormalandsafethingintheworldforme.”I
pullherinforahugtoletherknowIwasn’tmad;shehasguiltwrittenalloverher
face.Iknowshewasjustjoking.

“Ipromisetothinkbeforesayingthefirststupidthingthatcomestomymind.”
“Deal.”Igiveheranhonestsmiletobreakthetension.
“So,thismeansourSundaygymisonholdfortheforeseeablefuture?”
“Idon’tknow.Ikindamissrunning.Perhapswecouldstillgoforarun.”
“IdoubtTall,DarkandSexywillbeokaywiththat.”
“Don’tworry.Ihaveanidea.”

IMANAGE

toconvinceJudetoletusgorunning,butundertheconditionthathecomes

withus.IthinkbacktothismorningwhenIfoundhimworkingoutinthelivingroom,
allsweatyandworkedup,soI’mconvincedhewon’tbeabletokeepupwithus.He
mustbetired;RebeccaandIareinshapeandcanrunlongdistanceswithoutbreakinga
sweat.MydearfriendinsistsJudehastodictatethepaceinfrontofus,butherwish
doesn’tcometrueasJudeneedstohavemeinhissightthewholetimeandthat’swhy
hestaysbehindus.RebeccaandIdecidetochallengehimbypickingupthepaceinthe
middleofourrun,andsurprisingly,Judekeepsupwithusallthewaybacktothe
house.Whenwereachthefrontdoor,RebeccaandIaretryingtocatchourbreaths
whileJudelooksextremelyfreshandcomposed.Idropmyhandstomykneestotake
deeperbreaths.

“You’recrazy,woman.Ialmostkickedthecanbackthere,”Rebeccawhinesand

wheezesbesideme.

“Butitwasworthit,huh?”Iraisemyheadslightlytolookather.She’sstilltryingto

composeherselfandJudeisdrinkingfromhiswaterbottle.Somethingwhitecatches

mygazewhenIlookuptothefrontdoor.There’sanotestucktotheknobthat
definitelywasn’ttherewhenweleftfortherun.Mybreathhitches.Islowlywalktothe
door,takeoffmyrunningglove,andspreadthepieceofpaperopen.Sixwordsare
writtenonitwithbig,boldblackletters:GETRIDOFLOVERBOY,ORELSE…Icringe
mybrowstogether.HewantsmetogetridofJude?

“April?”Rebecca’sconcernedvoiceattractsJude’sattention,andhisheadsnapsto

me.Herushesoverandtearsthenotefrommyhands.

“Hewashereagain?”Hiseyesrunoverthemessage.
“Whatdoyouthinkhe’lldoifIdon’tsendyouaway?”
Jude’slipspresstightlytogether.
“Whatareyoutwotalkingabout?”Rebeccalooksbetweenuswithworry.
Judewalkstothemainroadandlooksaround.IfollowhimandIseewhathesees:

ahoodedfigureattheendofthestreet,handsinpockets,lookingsuspicious.Jude
immediatelytakesoffafterhim.

“Jude,becareful!”Iyellafterhim.
“Goinsideandlockthedoorbehindyou.I’llberightback!”hebarkstheorder,not

evenstoppingtolookback.Themaninthehoodiepicksuphispace,too,andthey
disappearbehindthecorner.WasthatLeo?Didhefinallycomeoutofhiding?

Rebeccadragsmeintothehouse.I’monpinsandneedles,worryingaboutJude.I

can’tstoppacingthelivingroom,bitingmynails.We’rebothquiet,anxiouslywaiting
forhimtoappearonthedoorstep.Afteranexcruciatinglylongfifteenminutesof
waiting,loudknockingsoundsonthefrontdoor.RebeccaandIbothjumpupatthe
noiseandlookateachother.

“Openup,it’sme,”IhearJude’sstrongvoice.I’munlockingthedoorandthenext

second,whenIseehe’snothurt,Ihughimwithoutthinking.

“Didyoufindhim?”Iask,tiltingmyheaduptolookhimintheeyes,hisarmsstill

tightaroundme.

Judeshakeshishead.“No,thefuckerescapedamongthetreesinthepark.”He’snot

hidinghisanger.

“Whywouldheassumewe’retogether?”Ifrown.“Wenevergavehimanyreason

tocometosuchaconclusion.”Irealizewe’restillembraced,soIstepawayfromthe
warmthofhisbodyandthewonderfulfeelofthefirmholdofhisarmsonme.

“Hebelievesyoubelongtohimandhe’sjealousofeveryoneinyourvicinity.He

doesn’twantanyoneclosetoyouexceptforhim.”

“ButyouandIarenottogether.”
“Inhisdelusionalmind,hedoesn’tseethat.Heseesmehangingaroundyou

constantly,andhebelievesweare.”

SEVEN

April

THREEDAYSHAVEPASSED

sincetheincidentwiththenoteandLeoisstillnowhereto

befound.Ihaveasickfeelingit’sthecalmbeforethestormandthathe’splanning
somethingbig.

Aftertwostaffmeetings,andpreparationsforanewshow,I’mfinallyhomeaftera

longdayatwork.Judeisallseriousandfocused,constantlyonthephone.He’sirritated
thesecuritysystemstillhasn’tbeeninstalledorthefrontdoorreplaced.Ialsohavea
suspicionhedoesn’tgetmuchsleep.

Idecidetotakeashowerbeforewehavedinner.It’sbeenafewdaysofJudebeing

constantlyatmyside.I’dbelyingifIsaidhe’snotamajordistractionforme.Icanonly
praytheyfindLeosoonsomylifecanreturntonormal,wherethere’snoJudeandhis
temptingsmell.

Wrappedinanoversizetowel,Igotomybedroomtograbafreshpairofpanties.I

pullmyfavoritepairoutofthedresser–tiny,lacyandpink,andlinedwithblacklace.I
lovelingerie;itmakesmefeelsexyandconfident.Ionlyallowmyselfoneobsession,
andthat’sbuyinglingerie.IfIseeanicepairofpantiesoracutelacebra,Ineedtohave
it.

Idigthroughmyunderweartofindamatchingbra,thenslideopenthedoorofmy

wardrobe.MyjobrequiresIdressprofessionally,butathome,Ipreferwearingjeans,
yogapants,orsweatsandtees,soIsliponaplainwhitetanktopandyogapants,then
walkovertomydresser,facingtheoppositebedroomwall.Onit,Ihaveasmallbox
thatholdsallmypreciousbracelets.They’remysignaturelookandIneverleavethe
housewithoutwearingatleastoneonmywrist.OvertheyearsI’vecollectedallsorts
ofthem,fromsilverandgoldonestowovenones,fromrubberbandstopleated
bracelets.Ipulloutthreemulti-colorpleatedonesandputthemonmyleftwrist.My
gazecatchesontheoneJudegaveme.Irunmyfingersgentlyoverthemetal.It’sso
simpleandreflectsmeperfectly.

Ikeepafewteddybearsandsometoysonthedresser,incaseEmmycomestovisit

me,besidetheboxcontainingmybracelets,andafewframedpicturesofmyfamily.

BeforeIheadoutofthebedroom,mygazecatchesonalittleblackspheretuckedinto
thebandofoneoftheteddybears.Idon’trememberseeingitbeforesoIpickupthe
fluffybrownbearandpullthelittleglobeout.Iturnitaround,inspectingitcuriously.

“Whatthehellisthis?”ImurmurtomyselfasIwalkintothelivingroom,

examiningit.

“Huh?”Judelooksupatmefrombehindhislaptop.
“Nothing,”Iwavemyhandathimandgotothekitchentopreparesomethingto

eat,asI’mfamished.Iputthemarble-sizedglobeonthecounterandopenthefridge
doortoexaminethecontents.There’snotmuchmoreintherethanabottleofketchup
andafewbottlesofwater.“Shit,”Igrunt.

“What’swithalltheswearing?”Judesaysrightfrombehindme.Istraighten,

bumpingintohischestintheprocess.Idon’timmediatelystepaway;Iinhalehisclean,
manlyscent.

“We’reoutoffood,”Ifinallyfindwordsandturnaroundtolookathispiercing

greeneyes.

“Ifyou’rehungry,wecanorderin.”
“You’renothungry?”Iask.
“Always,”hegrins.
“Whatareyouinthemoodfor?Pizza?Chinese?”
“Idon’tcare,youpick.”

FORTYMINUTESLATER

,we’recomfortablynestledonthecouch.TheTVison,but

neitherofusarepayingitmuchattention;we’retoostarved.

“Wantanythingtodrinkwithyourpizza?”Judegetsup.
“Yes,please,asoda.Thanks.”Ifoldmylegsunderme,chewingpizzaslowlyand

enjoyingthedeliciouscheesiness.

“Whatthehell,April?”Juderaiseshisvoiceandappearsinfrontofmesoonafter,

lookingroyallypissed.He’snotholdingdrinksinhishands,butthelittleblackglobeI
discoveredinmyroomearlier.

Withmymouthstillfull,Iask,“What’swrong?Whydidyoubringthisthingin

here?”Iwasplanningonthrowingitinthetrash,butIapparentlyforgot.

“Doyouhaveanyideawhatthisis?”hedemands.
“Ihavenoidea.Ifounditstuckonateddybearearlier.Imeanttothrowitout,butI

gotdistracted.Why?”Ibiteintomylastpieceofpizza.

“Thisisacamera,April.Andifweputoneandonetogether,wecanconcludeit’s

connectedtoyourstalker.”

“You’reserious?”Iexclaiminshock,straighteningup.“Yousure?Doesthismean

Leohasbeenwatchingmethewholetime?”Chillsrunupmyspine.

“Idon’tknowifitwasLeoorsomeoneelse,butsomeonehasdefinitelybeen

watchingyou.”

“Whatdoyoumean,someone?Leoistheonewithhisbizarreobsessionand

threats.”

“Areyoureallysureit’sLeowho’sbeenmakingthreats?”
“OfcourseIam.”Whydoeshedoubtme?“Onlyhecould’vesetupthecamera.No

oneelsehadtheaccesstomyhouse.”Icringeatthethoughtofbeingwatchedforgod
knowshowlong,sicktomystomach.Howlonghasthecamerabeenthere?Hadheput
itthereevenbeforewebrokeupormaybewhenhebrokein?

“April,Ithinkyourhouseisn’tverysafeforyouatthemoment.”Judekneelsdown

infrontofme,hisfingergentlyliftingupmychinsowe’reeyetoeye.“Theguysthat
aresupposedtoinstallsecurityandbuildinanewfrontdoorarerunninglate,soI’m
goingtohavetoputmorepressureonthemtocomeASAP.Butwe’regoingtohaveto
searchthehouseagainmorethoroughlyformorebugs.”

“Youthinkthere’smoreofthem?”Ifeelnauseated.
“Inmyexperience,there’sneverbeenjustone.”
“WherecouldIgo?Ican’tgobacktoMax’shouseagain.Idon’twanttoputhimand

hisfamilyindangerandhehasenoughonhisplateasitis.”

“We’regoingtoamotelforanightortwo.”Iopenmymouthtoprotest,buthestops

me.“It’satemporarysituationuntilyourhouseisinspectedandthealarmisinstalled.
Ithinkit’sgoingtobegoodforyou,ifyoulaylowforsometime.Atleastforafewdays.
ThatwayLeo,orwhoever’sbeenharassingyou,willstartpanicking.Andthat’swhen
he’llmakeamistake.”

“AREYOUALLPACKED

?”Jude’ssoftbreathcaressesthesensitiveskinofmyneck,

goosebumpseruptingallovermybody.Heapparentlydecidedtostandrightbeside
me,soIcansmellhimagain.Damnhim!He’swearinganaftershavethathasthis
distinctivemusksmellthatmakesmyinsidesmelt.Iwanttoclosemyeyesandbury
mynoseintohisthroat,inhalinghiminandlosingmyselfinhisscent.

“Ihopeso.”Islowlyturnaround.“Youdidn’texactlygivemeplentyoftime.”
“Thelesstimewespendhere,thebetter.Come.”Igrabmyphone,butJude’slong

fingerswraparoundmywrist.“Leaveithere.”

Iwrinklemyforehead.“Ineedit.Ihavealotofwork-relatedobligations.”
“Thatwillhavetowaitforawhile.Didyoualreadyforgetyoufoundacamerasome

PeepingTomsetupinyourbedroom?”

“But—“
“Nobuts.Thephonestayshere,”Judesaysfirmly.
“Whataboutmyjob?Ican’tjustupanddisappear.”
“You’lltakeafewdaysoff.Youhavesomevacationdaysstoredupatwork,right?

Youcanusethat.”

“Yes,butI’veneverdonethatbefore.Ican’taffordtodothatnow!We’reinthe

middleoftheseason.It’scrucialformetobeontheset!Mycareerwillbeatstakeif
I’mnot,”Iprotest.

“Betteryourcareerthanyourlife.”TheexpressiononhisfaceisseriousandIseehe

won’tbudge.

“Fine!”Iexclaim.“Bellacan’tgowithme,I’llbewithoutmyphone…Whydon’tyou

juststickmeinsomedungeon?”Ihiss,throwingmyarmsintheair,thenburyingthem
inmyhair.Damnyou,Leo,forturningmylifeupsidedown!

“Bella’sgoingtobesafewithMax.Youdon’thavetoworryabouther.”
Ihavenodoubtshe’llbetreatedlikeaspoiledprincess.Emmywillbejumpingwith

joywhenshefindsoutshe’llbetakingcareofmycat,butthisdoesn’tmeanIwon’t
missmyBella.

Judereachesformysuitcase,lyingbymyfeet,butIquicklysnapitoutofhisgrasp.

“Icancarrythatmyself,thankyouverymuch.”Ipiercehimwithmyglare.Idon’t
understandmyfeelingsatthemoment;IknowIshouldn’tactlikethistowardaperson
who’sjustlookingoutforme,butI’msoangryateverythingIcan’thelpmyself.

Judeholdshishandsintheairindefeat.“Okay,then.”Heshakeshishead.“Iwas

justtryingtohelp.”

AfterwedropBellaoffatmybrother’shouseandIsaygoodbyetoeveryone,Jude

andIdriveofftofindaninconspicuousmoteltolaylowforawhile.Justthethoughtof
spendinganightinthesameroomwithhimismakingmesquirminmyseat.And,to
makethingsworse,Istartmeltingeverytimehesmilesatme,andhissmokyvoiceis
anythingbutannoying.Idon’thavetimeforasillyinfatuation.I’mcertainlynotlooking
forwardtothefollowingdays.

Twohoursgobywhenwefinallystopatsomeoldmotelbythesideoftheroadin

themiddleofnowhere,namedIndigoInn.Iguessatsomepointinthepastallthe
lettersofthesignwereilluminated,butnowonlytwoareblinkingonandoff:NandO.
Onlyoneothercarbesidesourownisparkedintheparkinglotofthemotel.Thewhole
placeisgivingmethecreeps.WhileI’mwaitingforJudetoreturnwiththekeysofour
room,I’mswitchingradiostationstooccupymyselfsoIwon’tthinkabouttheevents
ofthepastweek.WhatthehellwasLeothinking,puttingthatcamerainmyroom?A
knockonthewindowonmysideofthecarmakesmejumpupinmyseat.Ilookupto
seeJudesmilingatmeapologetically,asetofkeysdanglingoffhisfinger.

ThefirstthingI’mwelcomedby,whenweentertheroom,isthemustysmell.

Grimacing,Iputmysuitcasedownandtakealookaround.Old-fashionedwallpaperis
startingtopeelfromthewalls,offtothesidethereisabeat-upcoffeetablenexttoa
veryuncomfortable-lookingancientcouch,andthere’sanolderversionofaTVonthe
cabinetbythefrontdoor.Inthemiddleoftheroom,there’saqueen-sizedbedwitha
floralbedspread.

“Can’twegosomewhereelse?”
“What,itdoesn’tmeetyourstandards?”Judeteasesme.
“Oh,shutup.Ijustdon’twanttowakeupinthemiddleofthenightwitha

cockroachrunningacrossmyface,”Iprotest.

“It’snotthatbad.AtleastwehaveaTV,”Judegrins.
Isuddenlyfreeze.“Whyisthereonlyonebed?Youaskedfordoublebeds,right?”
NowayinhellamIsharingabedwithhim.Icouldmanagesleepinginthesame

roomwithhim,butinthesamebed,nexttohim,whenit’salreadysohardtoremain
unaffected?It’stoomuchformyhormone-riddledbody.Iwouldn’ttrustmyselfnotto
jumphisbones.Nope,no.Notgonnahappen.

“Theyonlyhavequeenbeds,”Judeshrugs,anddropshisbagonthefloornexttothe

bed.

“Well,we’renotsleepingtogether.”Istubbornlycrossmyarmsonmychest.
“Youdon’texactlyhaveotheroptions,Princess.”
“Stopcallingmethat!”Jerk.
“Well,stopactinglikeone.Look,we’rebothgrown-ups.Thebedisbigenoughfor

bothofus.Besides,we’vealreadysharedabed,inamuchmoreintimateway,
remember?”hesmirks.

No,Idon’tneedareminder.Lately,theonlythingonmymindbesidesLeohasbeen

thatdamnednight.AndIdon’tknowwhichoneisworse.

Judeplopsonthebed,themattressdippingunderhisweight.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iraisemybrow.
He’sgottenprettycomfortableonthatthing.“We’vehadalongday.Ithinkwe

shouldgetsomerest.”

“No,”Ishakemyhead.“Itoldyou,we’renotsharingthebed.Ifyouwerea

gentleman,you’dtakethecouchandletmesleeponthebed.”

“WhosaidIwasagentleman?”Heputshishandsunderhishead,grinning.Iletout

afrustratedsigh.

“Fine!”Ijerkilygrabapillowandablanketandthrowthemonthedustycouch.He

canhavethebed.Irummagethroughmysuitcasetofindmytoothbrushandgointo
thebathroomtogetawayfromJudeforawhiletotrytocalmmyself.

EIGHT

Jude

LYING

inbedwithonehandundermyheadandholdingaremotecontrolintheother,

IflickthroughtheTVchannels.Nothinginterestingcatchesmyeye,butIfind
somethingtokeepmedistractedwhileIwaitforApriltofinishinthebathroom.While
she’sbeeninthere,IcalledmybrotherColetoaskhimtostopbyApril’shousewith
Jessietosearchitforbugs.WhendidLeosetupthecamera?Hashebeenspyingon
Aprilasfarbackaswhentheywerestilltogether,orhashedoneitafterwards,tostill
havesomesortofcontroloverher?Ordidsomeoneelsedoit?It’sbuggin’thehellout
ofme.

Aprilstormedintothebathroom,pissedashell.Idon’tknowwhyshe’ssostubborn.

Thebedisbigenoughtofitbothofus,but,no,sherefusestosleepnexttome.For
heaven’ssake,we’readults.Butifshewantsitthatway,shecanhaveit.

I’msuddenlycatapultedoutofthebedbyscreechingsoundscomingfromthe

bathroom.Aprilsoundslikeshe’sbeentorntopieces.I’minthebathroomthenext
instant.

“What’swrong?”IexclaimasIfeverishlylookaroundforpotentialdanger.Sheis

standingacrosstheshower,holdingahairbrushinfrontofherasashield,andshe
lookslikeshe’sabouttochargeintobattle.ShepointsthebrushtotheshowerandI
carefullypullopenthecurtains,readyforanything.Whenmyeyestakeintheempty
stall,IturntoApril.“Idon’tseeanything.”

“Takeabetterlook.Inthecornerupthere,”shegrimaces,shivering.
Isquintmyeyesandinspectthestallmorecarefully,andfinally,Iseeasmall,tiny

spider,climbingupthewall.“You’rekiddingme,right?You’repanickingbecauseof
thislittlefella?”

Shepiercesmewithanastyglare.“Littlefella?It’shuge!Lookathislegs.Itwas

lookingatmelikeitwantedtoeatme,whenallIwantedwastocleanthestallandthe
restofthisso-calledbathroom!It’sfilthy!”Sheshudders.“Canyouremoveit?Ugh,I
hatespiders.”

“He’snotgonnahurtyou.Ibethe’smorescaredofyouthanyouareofhim.”

“Icouldn’tcareless.Takeitout!Idon’tcarewhatyoudowithit.Justtakehimout

ofmysight.Yuck!”

“Asyouwish,Princess,”Isaywithalittlebow,andremovethepoorinsectfromthe

shower.

“Stopcallingmethat!”
Ichuckleatheroutburstandwalkoutofthebathroom.WhenIsetthespiderfree

fromApril,Imakesomemorecalls.AquarterofanhourlaterIhearthebathroom
dooropeningandApril’sheadfinallypokesout.

“Um,Jude…”shesayshesitantly.“Couldyougetmemypajamasfromthe

suitcase?”

Isituponthebed.“Sure.”
“It’sbluewithminionsonit.”
Ikneelinfrontofhersuitcaserummagingthroughthecontents,butIcan’tfindit.

“It’snothere,”Icallout.“Areyousureyoupackedit?”

“Yes!Checkagain.”Ihearimpatienceinhervoice.“Please,hurry.I’mfreezing.”
“It’snothere,”Irepeat.“Waitasecond…”Whatdowehavehere?Ismilewide.I

didn’texpectthatinthere.

“Didyoufindit?”sheasks.“Finally.Justthrowithere.”
“Notthepajamas,butIfoundsomethingwaymoreinteresting.”Ipullagiantpink

vibratoroutandwaveitatApril.Iseehereyeswideninshock,hercheeksturningred
asabeet.Wrappedonlyinatinytowel,sherunstomeandpullsitoutofmyhand.
“Giveittome!”

I’mstillgrinninglikeafool.“Seriously?YouforgottopackyourPJs,butyou

broughtMr.Tremblerhere?”

“Oh,shutup!”sheexclaimsandpunchesmyarm,brightredandclearly

embarrassed.Shedoesn’tlookatmewhensheasks,“CanIborrowoneofyourT-shirts
tosleepin,please?”

“Sure.Andyouhavenothingtobeembarrassedabout.You’reayoungwomanwith

healthyneeds.Weallhaveneeds,”Ismilewidely.AndIrememberclearlyhowgreedy
shewasinbed,howinsatiable.

“I’mnotembarrassed.”Sheturnsaroundtofaceme.“Ifguysknewhowtousetheir

tools,Iwouldn’thavetobringhimwithmeeverywhereIgo.”

IwalkoveruntilI’mstandingrightinfrontofher,aT-shirtclutchedinmyhand.“I

didn’thearyoucomplainingwhenyouwerewithme,Princess,”Iwhisper.“IfIrecall
correctly,youtoldmeIwasthebestyoueverhad.Youevencalledmeagod.”Ihear
hersharpintakeofbreath.DidshethinkIforgotthat?Iremembereverything,vividly
–whatsoundsshemadewhenIwasnestledbetweenherthighs,whatshetastedlike,
howbadlyshewantedme.OurgazesmeetandAprilflincheseversoslightlybeforeshe
straightensup.

“DidI?”Shesmirks.“Ihavenoidea,Imusthaveforgotten.Iguessitwasn’tasgood

asyouclaimitwas.That’swhyIsticktomyVinnie.Atleastheknowswhathe’sdoing.
Besides,Idon’tneedtopretendIcomewhenhe’sgettingmeoff.”

“Vinnie?”Iburstoutlaughing.“Yougaveitaname?”SheshrugsandI’mwheezing

withlaughter.

“Ithinkit’sacutename.”

“Youknowwhat,Princess,”Itakeanotherstepclosersoourbodiestouchfrom

shouldertotoes;Iwanthertohearmeclearly.“I’dlikenothingmorethantojoggle
yourmemory,butunfortunatelyforyou,Idon’tgetinvolvedwithmyclientsortake
seconds.”

We’restandingsoclosetoeachotherIfeelhershockedexhaleofbreathonmy

throat.Shefinallyrealizeshowclosewe’reactuallystandingandtakesastepback.

“And,unfortunatelyforyou,Idon’thookupwithassholeslikeyou.”She’stryingto

staremedown.“Well,notanymore.”

Ican’tfocusonthewordsshe’ssputteringwhenshe’sstandingtherewrappedina

tinytowelthat’sdoingareallypoorjobcontainingherfullbreasts.IfeellikeI’vebeen
hardeversinceIsawherstandinginthemiddleofMax’skitchen,butfindingher
vibratorhasonlymadethingsworse;Ican’thelpbutpictureherspreadoutonabed,
holdingthepinkvibratortothesweetspotbetweenherlegs.Ilickmylips.

“ButIwouldn’tmindifyouwantedtotakeVinnieforajoyrideinfrontofme,”I

wink.

AprilhasjustputtheT-shirton,andwhenshehasthesoftmaterialoverherthighs,

shereachesunder,pullsthetoweloffandthrowsitintomyface.Hermouthfallsopen.
“Dreamon!”

“Oh,I’lldefinitelydreamaboutit,”Iwink.Lookingherstraightintheeyes,Ibring

thetoweltomyfaceandinhaleherscent.Sherollshereyesandturnsaway.

April

I’MSUCHAFOOL

!HowcouldIhaveforgottenIbroughtVinniewithme?Ididn’tknow

howlongI’dbeawayfromhome,andbecauseIhaveneedslikeeveryhealthywoman
does,Ithrewitinmysuitcase.IneverthoughtJudewouldfindit.DearGod,andthat
hungrylookonhisfacewhenhehaditinhishand,nodoubtimaginingmeusingthe
vibratoronmyself.Nowayinhellisheevergoingtowatchmeuseit,butifhewantsto
fantasizeaboutithecanfeelfreetodoso.

Jude’sinthebathroom,takingashower.AsI’msittingonthebedlisteningtothe

showerrunning,Iimaginewhatitlookslikewhenwater’scascadingdownhisnaked,
muscledbodyandIwanttolickeverysinglewaterdroponhisskinwhenhestepsout
oftheshower.I’msohotandbotheredIcouldreallyusesomequalitytimewithmy
battery-operatedfriend.Ifonlywehadseparaterooms…ThesightofJudeinthe
bathroomdoorwayinterruptsmynaughtythoughtsand,asifIwasn’tarousedenough,
he’swearingnothingbutboxerbriefs,hugginghisformlikesecondskin.He’sbusy
dryinghishairwithatowel,soItakethechancetofeastmyeyes.Afewdropletsof
waterslidedownhisneck,downhischesttotheelasticbandofhisboxers,
disappearingunderthem.Iswallow,hard.Hisbodyisaworkofart:allmusclesand
hardridges.Idesperatelywanttorunmyhandsdownhissculptedstomach.And
lower.Waylower.Myeyesfollowthemovementofhisarms,bicepsexpandingand

contracting.It’squiteasightformyhungryeyes.

“Closeyourmouth.Thebed’sgonnabedrippingwet…withsaliva,”I’mawoken

fromatransbyJude’sdeep,throatyvoice.Hisgazeispenetratingmeandhe’sgrinning
fromeartoear.

“Iwasn’t…Imean…Oh,don’tflatteryourselfsomuch.”WhenhaveIturnedintoan

openbook?Itrytoactasunaffectedandindifferentaspossiblewhileswitching
channels.“I’veseenbetter,”Ishrug.Eatthat,egocentricbastard.Jude’sgrindoesn’t
falterandhereachesforhisT-shirttopullitoverhissin-worthychest.Thetemperature
intheroominstantlydropsafewdegrees,andfinallyIcantakeabreath.Damnyou,
hormones,forbetrayingme.

“Liar,”hesmiles.
“Whatever.Ican’twaittobeabletogobackhome,hopefullywithoutyougluedto

myside.”Changingthetopic,IgriptheremotecontrolfirmlysoIwon’tstarttouching
hisskin.

“Yousaythatlikeyou’rehavingsuchahorribletimewithme.I’mnotthatbad.”He

feignshurtfeelings,buthiseyesarelitwithlaughter.

Isnort.“Saysyou.”
“Really?So,whatisitwithmethatbothersyousomuch?”heraisesaneyebrowin

challenge.

“Youneedtoask?You’relikeanannoyinglittlemosquito.”
“Ifwe’rebeinghonest,you’renotexactlyasweetheartyourself.IfIdidn’tcommit

tomytaskssothoroughly,I’dhavewalkedawayagesago.”

“Noone’sstoppingyou.”
“Ialwaysseethecasethrough,”hesaysseriously.
“Goodforyou!”Ithrowmyarmsintheair;Idon’tfeellikearguingwithhimany

further.Whydoesheseemtobringouttheworstinmeeverytimewetalk?Ineveract
thisway.Ijustcan’thelpmyself.Everytimehe’saroundIturnintoaspoiled,annoying
littlebrat.AbratwithacapitalB.Perhapsit’sbestifhethinksthat’swhoIreallyam.
It’llbebetterforbothofus,especiallyifwewanttogetoutofthismessaliveandwith
feelingsintact.

Ibenddowntograbapairofwarmsocksandyogapantsoutofthesuitcasewhen

Judesuddenlypicksmeupandslamsmeagainstthewall.Notgentlyatall.Ialmost
losemybreath.ThecoldwallagainstthebackofmybackisaharshcontrasttoJude’s
warmth,plasteredagainstmyfront.Whatthehell?Icanfeeleveryinchofhisbody
pressedagainstme.I’menvelopedinhisyummyscentagain,butIbarelyregisterit
duetotheconfusionandirritationI’mfeeling.

“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Ihiss.AsIraisemyarmstopushhimaway,he

claspshisbighandovermymouth.“Letmego,”Imumbleunderhispalm.

“Shhh,”hewhispersandpointshisheadtothewindow.Throughtheweathered

curtainsIseeamovingshadow,likesomeone’stryingtopeekinside.Judenodshis
headformetohidebehindthecouchandhemovestohisbagtopulloutagun.My
eyeswideninsurprise.

“Whatareyougonnadowithit?”Iwhisper.“Who’soutthere?”
“Idon’tknow,”herespondsquietly.Thefiguremovestothedoor.“Waithere,

okay?”Judeinstructs.Myheartisbeatinglikecrazy.HasLeofoundus?WhileI’m

thinkingaboutallthepossiblescenarios,Judejerksthedooropen,pointingthegunat
thepersonlurkingonthehallway.IgnoringJude’sinstructions,Imovetowardthe
doormyself.NowayI’mstayingherealone.

“Whoareyou?Whatareyoudoinghere?”Judeisfacingayoungmanwholooks

frightened.Hedoesn’tlooklikehe’solderthan20.He’sstandingwithhisarmsraised
highintheair,shakingvisibly.It’stheguyfromthereception,Ifinallyrememberwhere
I’veseenhimbefore;IsawhimthroughthewindowofthereceptionareaasIwas
waitingforJudetogetusaroom.

“I…I…”hestutters.“Ijust…Ididn’t…Um…Sorry.”
“Spititoutalready.”Judesoundsimpatientandhisgripontheguntightens.
“Please,don’tshoot,”thereceptionistbegs,turninghisheadtothesideandshutting

hiseyesclosed.“Ididn’tmeantosnoop.Ijust…”

“Youjustwhat?”Judestepsalittleclosertohim.
“Iwasbored,andIthoughtI’dseesomeaction.”
Eww!“Youpervert!”Iexclaim,repulsed.
“Pleasedon’ttellmyboss.She’sgonnafireme.Iswear,Ijustwantedtoseesome

action,that’sit.I’msosorry,”heurgesustobelievehim.

Judelowershisgun,apparentlyfindingtheguy’sexplanationplausible,buthe’s

shakinghishead.Hesearcheshimforaweaponanyway.Thereceptionistisshaking
withfear.“Getoutofhere!”Judebarksafterhe’sdone.“Idon’twanttoseeyouever
again!”Theguynodsquicklyandrunsdownthestairs.“Fuckingpunk,”Judemutters.
Then,hiseyesfocusonme.“Didn’tIexplicitlytellyoutostayinside?”Pissedoff,he
marchesintotheroompastme.

“What?Ijustwantedtoseewhatwashappening.”
“ItoldyoutodoasIsay.Isitthatdifficult?Thatcould’vebeenyourstalkerout

there.”

“Well,itwasn’t,”Iretort.
“Notthistime,butwhataboutnexttime?Andthere’sahighchanceImightlethim

takeyou.You’remakingmelosemymind.Christ!”

“MaybeI’llgowithhimvoluntarily!”Ihuff.Seriously,whydoIsuddenlystart

actinglikeatwelve-yearoldaroundthisguy?

“Whatever.I’mgoingtobed.Lockthedoor!”
“Fine!”Idropmybutttothecouchandtrytogetcomfortable,whichisproving

moreimpossiblebythesecond.IfIturnonmyrightside,Ialmostfalloff,andifIturn
left,mylegsandarmsarehangingoff.Eitherwayisextremelyuncomfortable.Trying
tolieonmybackisevenworsebecausetheedgeofthecouchiscuttingoffallthe
circulationinmythighs.Stuffingthepillowundermybuttdoesnothingtoimprovethe
situation.Isighangrilyandcontinuetwistingandturning.

“Uncomfortable?”comesJude’svoicefromthebed.
“No,I’mpeachy,”Ibarkoutsarcastically.
“Justchecking.Itsoundedlikeyou’reinaboxingmatchwiththecouch.”
“Nope.”
“Okay.Ifyouchangeyourmind,Icanstillsharethebed.It’swarmandmore

comfortablethanthatmonstrosity.There’salsoplentyofspaceforthebothofus.”
There’slaughterinhisvoice,likehefindsthewholethingamusing.

“Notchangingmymind.”Ihopemyvoicesoundsdetermined.
“Asyouwish.ButletmejustsaythisisoneofthemostcomfortablebedsI’vetried.I

betI’mgonnasleeplikeababy.”Hestretcheshisarmsandlegsjusttoirritateme.
Asshole.

Iliethereforafewminutes,thenadmitmydefeat.“Fine!Thisoldpieceofcrapisa

torturemachine.Happynow?”IgrowlasIgetupandthrowmypillowandblanketon
thebed.

“Thattookawhile.Ididn’tthinkyouweregonnalastsolong.”
“Shutup.We’rejustgoingtosleep.We’regrown-ups.I’llsurvive.”That’sashitty

consolation,April.Iputasmuchspacebetweenusasthebedallowsandwrapmyselfin
theblanket.Judeshakeshisheadatme,amused.“Youstayonyoursideofthebedand
I’llstayonmineandwe’llbefine.”We’reenvelopedinthedarknesswhenJudeturns
offtheTV.

“Sweetdreams,Princess.”
“Callmethatagain,andIpromiseI’llwipethatstupidgrinoffyourface.”
“I’dliketoseeyoutry,Princess.”
Iscootclosertohimandelbowhimhardintheribs;I’vebrieflyconsideredkicking

himalittlesouthofhisstomachbutI’llsavethatforthenexttime.Heyelpsina
mixtureofpainandsurprise.

“Who’reyoucallingaprincessnow,huh?”Ismirk,pullthecoversuptomychin

andclosemyeyes.Judedoesn’trespond,justchucklesinstead.Idesperatelywantto
fallasleep,butmytraitorousbrainhasotherplansforme.Itkeepsplayingclipsofour
encounterinNewYorkinmyhead…

NINE

Jude

IWAKE

upinanunknownroom,surroundedbyApril’sscent.

April…
Ihavetoadmit,she’ssomethingelse.Verystubborn,whichI’mnotusedto.Itpisses

meoffthatshepayssolittleattentiontowhatItellheranddoesthecompleteopposite
justtospiteme.AndI’llbedamned,itturnsmethehellon.Hersoftcurvesaredriving
meinsane.IwishIcouldjustfuckheragain,soIcouldgetheroutofmysystem.

Irollaroundassumingshe’sstillasleep,sinceIhaven’theardorfelthermove,but

hersideofthebedisempty.Ijumptomyfeet.

“April?”Icallincaseshe’sinthebathroom,butthere’snoresponse.Pullingjeans

andashirton,Iwalkuptothebathroomdoor,knockingloudly.“April,youinhere?”
Silence.WhenIpushthedooropen,Iseethebathroomisempty.Ishouldhaveknown
better!Puttingmysocksandshoeson,Igrabmyjacketandagunfrommynightstand
andshoveitbehindmyback,justincase.I’mnotsurprisedtofindthedoortoour
roomunlockedandhershoesmissing.“Fuckingperfect!”Imutter,clenchingmyteeth.
“Fuck!”Iadd.IcymorningairblastsinmyfaceasIwalkoutside.Isitsohardtofollow
myrules?Doesshereallyneedtocontradictmyeveryword?I’mgoingtothrottleher
whenIfindher.She’sconstantlyputtingherselfindanger,makingmyjobevenmore
difficultasitis.Ican’tbelieveshemanagedtogetoutofthebedwithoutwakingme.
I’maverylightsleeper,especiallywhenI’monajob,butIsomehowsleptthroughit.
Runningdownthestairstotheparkinglot,Icheckifmycarisstillinitsspot.Iexhale
inreliefwhenit’sstillwhereIleftit,soIscantheparametersforanysightofApril.
InsteadofthepeepingTomfromyesterdayIseeanolder,grey-hairedwomansittingat
thereceptiondesk.Inodathercheerful“Morning!”asIwalkpastherandgetbackup
thestairstoourfloor.Finally,IseeAprilcomingtotheroomfromtheoppositeside.
Thankfuck!

“April!”Shestopsinhertracksasshehearsmypissedoffvoice.“Wherethehell

haveyoubeen?Youcan’tjustupandleaveasyouplease!Whatthefuckhaveyou
beenthinking?”Againwiththelecturing.

“Sorry,Mr.Grumpy,Iwashungry.Yousleptsosoundlyandmystomachdemanded

foodquiteloudly,soIwenttograbsomesnacksfromthevendingmachine.Iwas
literallyfiftyfeetaway.Nobiggie.”

“Nobiggie?Nobiggie?!”Iturnaroundandclosemyeyesforasecondtocalmmy

agitatednerves.She’skiddingme,right?HassheevenlistenedtoawordI’vesaidforthe
pastfewdays?“You’redoingthisonpurpose,right?”Iturnandfocusonhereyes.
“TryingtoseehowmuchIcantakebeforemynervesarefrayedandIsnap?”

“What?DidyouthinkIranoff?Nosuchluck,”shesays.
“I’vetoldyoudozensoftimes-I’mresponsibleforyoursafety.Youneedtotellme

ifyouwanttogosomewhere.”

“Youweresleeping.Iwasn’tevengoneforfiveminutes.IthoughtI’dbeback

beforeyouevenknewIwasgone.”

“Idon’tcare.Ineedtoknowwhereyouare.Noexceptions.Ican’tdomyjobif

you’retryingtosabotageme.”

“Sodon’t.”Sheglowersatme.“Ineveraskedyoutofollowmearound.Icantake

careofmyself.”ShestormsintotheroomandIrunafterher.

“April,wait!”Damnit!I’venevermetamorestubbornwomanthanher.Inarrowly

missbeinghitinthefacewiththedoor.“Ican’tprotectyouifIdon’tknowwhereyou
are.Can’tyouunderstandthat?”Idemand.Howcanshenotgetthat?

ThesnacksAprilboughtflyonthebedalongwithherpurseandAprilturnsherback

tome.Iseehershoulderssagandshesighs.

“Look,”shesays,exasperatedly,andfacesme.“I’msickofeverybodytellingme

whattodoandwhentodoit.Ijustwanttolivemylifeonmyownterms.Idon’twant
tolookovermyshouldereverytimeIleavemyhouse,lookingforLeo,afraidhe’s
gonnacomeafterme.Iwon’tlethimtakemylifeawayfromme.Ijustwon’t!”

“Youcan’ttakethismatterlightly.Youhavenoideahowdangeroushecouldbe.”
“Iknowhim,Jude,”shesays.“Hedoesn’thaveanevilboneinhisbody.He’sjust

hurtoverourbreak-up.”

“HaveyoueverconsideredLeoisnottheonebehindthestalkingandthreats?”
Apriltiltsherheadtotheside.“No?”Sheanswerswithaquestion,notreally

convincedofheranswer.“Thee-mailsfromhisaddressandphonecallsfromhis
numberdon’tlie.Don’tyouthinkso?”Shelosesthatintense,ready-to-fightexpression
onherface,andIseewheelsturninginherhead.Shefrowns.

“Justthinkingaboutallthepossibilities.Ialwaysthinkoutsidethebox.”
“EventhoughIwishitwasn’tLeo,allevidencepointstohim.”
“Whatifheactuallyattacksyou?OrhurtsMax?Maybegoasfarastoevenattack

hiswifeordaughter?Willyoustillbeaspig-headedthen?Soincrediblystubbornand
cluelessaboutyoursafety?Stopbeingsoselfish.”I’mtryingtokeepmyvoicecalm;my
wordsarefinallygettingthroughherthickhead.

“Hewouldn’tdothat,”shesays,wide-eyed.
“Howcanyoubesosure?HecangethisrevengebyhurtingMax.Areyouwillingto

riskhislife?”

“Ihateyou!”sheexclaims,pushingmeawaywithbothherhands,butIdon’t

budge.Atearrollsdownhercheek.“Ihateyou!”Igrabherwrists,tryingtocalmher
down,butshe’stryingtobreakawayfrommyhold.“Ihateyou,Ihateyou,”shekeeps

repeatingandtryingtohitme.

WrappingmyarmtightlyaroundhershouldersIturnheraround,soherbackis

pressedtomychest.Itdoesn’ttakeherlonguntilshecalmsdown.

“Hatemeallyouwant,Princess,butI’lldoanythingtofindthatsonofabitchand

giveyouyourlifeback.Ithinkwe’llbothbeveryhappywhenthatdaycomes.Ifyou
needsomeonetohate,hateme,butI’mnotgivingupuntilIfinishmyjobandfulfill
mypromisetoyourbrother.”

HerbodystartsshakingandIhearherstarttosobafterwards,soIsitherdownon

thebed.Iunwraponeofthesandwichessheboughtandofferittoher.Sheknocksit
outofmyhandandreachesforanotherone.AllIcandoisshakemyheadandhope
wedon’tkilleachotherinthefollowingdays.

Afteranhourofcompletesilencebetweenus,theairintheroomisstillthickwith

tension.

“I’msorryforbeingrough,butyouleftmewithnootherchoice.Whetheryouwant

itornot,I’mheretohelpyou.I’mthegoodguyhere.”I’mtryingtobreakthesilence.

“Idon’twanttotalk,”shesays,emotionless.“Leavemealone.”
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant…”

IFOCUS

myattentionbackonthereportsIneedtowriteformyfather.Aprilis

switchingbetweenTVchannels,stillpretendingI’mnotintheroom.Sheincreasedthe
volumesomuchmyheadisringingandIfindmyselftypingthesamesentenceforthe
fourthtime.

“Canyoupleaseturnthevolumedown?I’mtryingtogetsomeworkdonehere.”At

myrequest,sheincreasesthevolumeevenmore,stuffsahandfulofchipsinher
mouthandcontinuestoignoreme.“April,Imeanit,”Isaysternly.She’sreally
enjoyingthis.

“Whatdidyousay?Ican’thearyou,”sheyells.
“Turndownthevolumeandmaybeyouwill,”Irepeat.
“Nocando.I’mwatchingthisshow.Youshouldjoinme.It’sfunny.Alittle

relaxationwouldn’thurtyou,Mr.Stuck-up.”Shegigglesandpointsatsomethingthat
justhappenedonthescreen.Takingadeepbreath,tryingtokeepmyselfundercontrol,
Iwalkovertoher,plucktheremotecontroloutofherhandsandturntheTVoff.

“Hey!Iwaswatchingthis!”
“AndIwasworking,butallthisnoisewasmakingitimpossibletofocus.”
Aprilgrimaces.“Okaythen.”Shejerkilygetsup,pullsabottleofcheapwhiskeyout

ofherpurse,unscrewsitandtakesabiggulpoftheyellowliquid.Andthenanother
one.Whenshelowersthebottle,shescrunchesupherfaceandshakesherhead.
Wipinghermouthwiththebackofherhand,sheexclaims:“Eww,disguisting!”

“Whatareyoudoing?”Myvoiceiscalm-atleastIhopeIsoundcalm,becauseon

theinsideI’manythingbut.Shepaysmenoattentionandswallowsafewmorebig
gulpsbeforeshefinallyanswers.

“WhatdoyouthinkI’mdoing?IfI’mstuckherewithyouforgodknowshowlong,I

mightaswellgetdrunktokeepmyselfentertained.”

“Wheredidyougetthebottle?”

“Ihavemyways.”
“Slowdownabit,”Itrytoreasonwithher,butit’slikeI’mtalkingtoawall.Looking

mestraightintheeyes,Apriltakesanotherswig.Shegetsoffthecouchandslowly
walksuptome.

“Wantsome?”
“No,thankyou.Andyoushouldstop,too.”
“Comeon,don’tbesuchaDebbieDowner.Haveadrinkwithme,”sheoffersmethe

bottleand,whenIshakemyheadno,sheshrugs,tossesbackanothergulpofwhiskey
andspinsaround.“Haveityourway,grumpy.Thatmeansmoreforme.Yay!”She
stumblesonherlastspinandbarelycatchesherself.“Whoops,thisgetsintoyourhead
prettyquick,”shegiggles.

“April,you’vehadenough.”I’mrunningoutofpatience.Ireachforthebottleto

confiscateit,butshehidesitbehindherback,cackling.

“Whatisit,cowboy,youwantthis?”shechallengesmebyshakingthebottle.The

toneofhervoice’schangedfromangrytoseductive.Sheleansclosertome,hooking
herthumbintothefrontloopofmyjeans,thebottlestillsafelybehindherback.“You
smellincredible.”Shepauses.“Andyou’reveryattractive,eventhoughyouhavea
stickreallyfarupyourbutt.”Iwatchherclosehereyesandleanintome.Sheinhales
myscent,brushinghernoseagainstmysuddenlyoversensitiveskin.“Yousmellof
musk.Ilovemusk.Musk,musk,musk.Theyshouldstartbottlingit.IknowI’dbuyit.”
ShekeepsramblingonandonsoIreachbehindhertosnagthewhiskeyoutofher
grasp.

“You’vehadquiteenoughofthat.Whydon’tyougolaydownforabit?You’re

drunk.”

“Nope,”shepopsthe“p”.“I’mslightlyinebriated,that’swaydifferent,”shesmiles

drunkenly,hereyesboringintomine.Herfingersrundownmychest,overmy
stomach,andshelicksherlips-herfull,sensuallipsthatI’vealreadyhadthepleasure
offeelingallovermybody.“Sohard.Ibetatleastonepartofyourbodyiseven
harder.”Shereachesdowntowardmyzipper.

“April,”Iwarnher.I’mnotindifferenttohertouchandsheknowsthatwell.
“What?”shebreathesout,innocentlybatshereyelashesatme,andleansoverto

kissme.Igrabherforearmsandgentlypushheraway.

“You’redrunk.Youneedtobackdownalittle.”
“Don’ttellmeyou’renotinterested.Isawyouwerewatchingmewhenyouthought

Ididn’tsee.”Shegivesmeaseductivesmile.“Youwantme;don’tplaytheinnocent
card.Iknowguyslikeyou.”

“Guyslikeme?”Iliftmybrow.
“Womanizers,”shesays.
“YouhavenoideawhatI’mreallylike,Princess.”IhavetoadmitI’mreallyturned

onbyhertakingcharge.But,asmuchasImaylikewomen,Iwouldn’ttakeadvantage
ofadrunkone.EverywomanItaketomybedistherevoluntarily,soberandwilling.I
makesureshevividlyremembersthenightwithme.

“ButIknowwhatyoulike.”Shelicksherlipsagain,slowly,andhereyesare

burningwithdesire.“Icanhelpyourelax.Youneedthat.Sohere’syourchance,no
stringsattached.Takeme.”Thenextmoment,hertanktopisoverherheadandthe

sightinfrontofmeparalyzesme.I’llbedamned.Thewholerightpartofhertorsois
coveredwithanexquisitetattoooftwistedcherrybranches,fullofcolorfulcherry
blossoms,justlikeIremember.Itstartsjustunderherrightbreastandcontinuesdown
herribsandstomachdisappearingintothebandofherjeans.Icanbarelyfindenough
strengthinmetotearmygazeaway.Anddon’tgetmestartedwithherlacebra.

“Cutitout,April.”Irunmyhandsovermyface.
“Orelse?”shechallengesme,plasteringherfronttomychest.
“You’redrunk,you’renotthinkingstraight.”
“RightthismomentI’mthinkingaboutonething,andthat’sgreatsex,toppedwith

anevenbetterorgasm.Youcangivethattome,right,bigguy?”Herhandsreachdown
toopenthebuttononmypants,butIstopherbeforeshecanpullthepantsdownmy
hips.Sheignoresmyattemptstostopher,andthenextsecond,herlipsarepressed
againstmine.Iletmyselfenjoyabriefmomentofamazingsensations:herwarm,wet
lipsonmine.Moaningsoftly,sheopenshermouth,ourtonguesmeetinapassionate
caress.ButasmuchasIwantthis,IneedtoputanendtoApril’sattemptstodrownher
sorrowsinboozeandsex,soItearmyselfawayfromher.

“That’senough,April.Whenyousoberup,you’resogoingtoregretthis.”
Shestuffsherfingerinmyface.“Fuckyou,Jude.Youdon’tknowanythingabout

me!”Sherunsintothebathroomand,onceagain,thedoorslamsshutbehindher.

Thatwasclose.Irunahandthroughmyhairinfrustrationandtrytoslowmy

heartbeatbytakingadeepbreath.Ialsoneedtorearrangethegrowingbulgeinmy
pants.“Fuck!”Imuttertomyself.IwanttogoafterherbutIknowshe’stooangryand
drunktolistentothewordsofreason.I’llleavehertocooldownandIneedtodothe
same.Ineverimaginedasimplebrushofherlipsoverminewouldpushmeoffthe
ledge.I’mhardasarock.

Myphonegoesoffonmynightstand;I’mgladtoseemyolderbrother’snameon

thescreen.

“Hey,Cole,”Igreethim,tryingtoslowdownmybreathing.“Areyouguysather

housealready?”

“Yes,we’vebeenhereforawhile,”comeshisseriousreply.
“What’swrong?”IknowmybrothersowellIcanfeelitinhisvoicewhen

something’soff.

“WhenJessieandIarrivedtothehouse,wefoundanoteonthewindshieldofher

car.”

“Whatdiditsay?”Myeyesarewatchingthebathroomdoor.
“Youcanrunbutyoucan’thide.”
“Seriously?”Iexclaim.“Sonofabitch!”
“That’snotall,”Colecontinues.“Here-mailisfilledtothebrinkwithnewmessages,

andsoisherphone.He’sgotherworkschedule,hercreditcardpasswords,andallthe
infoonpeopleinherlife.Jude,thisguyisseriouslywhacked.Hewantsherbackno
matterthecosts,screwconsequences.”

“Fuck!Dothee-mailssaythesamethingasthenote?”
“I’llforwardthemtoyourcomputer.Letmejustputeverythingtogether,okay?”
“Deal.Becareful,okay?”Isay.“Whataboutthecameras?”
“Wefoundtwomore:oneinthemasterbathroomandonemoreinherbedroom.

“Anyideawherehemight’vegottenthem?”
“They’resomesortofwirelesscameras,streamingvideodirectlytoapersonal

computerorasmartphone,nowiresnecessary.Allheneedstoconnecttothecameras
iswi-fiandthenoneclicktoaccessthevideo.Oneclick,man!Thisfuckerishelluva
smart.I’veneverseenacameralikethisinthefieldbefore.Andit’ssosmall.It’sbarely
noticeable.Idon’tknowhowAprilevenmanagedtofindone,butI’mgladshedid.”

“SoamI,man,soamI.Don’tforgettoforwardthemessageswhenyou’refinished

sweepingthehouse.”Assoonaspossible,Ihope.

“Howisshe?”
Isigh,scratchingmyhead.“Stubbornlikeamule,angryattheworld,notreally

realizingshe’sinseriousdanger.Andinsanelyannoying.”

Colechuckles.“Justhowyoulike‘em.You’lltameherinnotime.”
“Don’tbeasmartass.”
“Yeah,yeah,”hebrushesmeoff.“Takecareofher.”
“Youknowit.I’llbeintouch.”
“Bye.”
IputthephonebackonthenightstandandgocheckonApril.Gently,Iknockonthe

door,butI’mmetwithsilence,asexpected.“Youokayinthere?”Still,noanswer.“I’m
cominginifyoudon’trespond.”Nothing.IslowlyopenthedoorafewinchessoIcan
peekinsidetoseewhatshe’sdoing.She’ssittingonthefloor,onearmhuggingthe
toilet,hereyesclosedandbreathingheavily.Heradorablecurlsarecoveringhalfher
face.She’ssoundasleep.Iwalktoherandgentlypickherupinmyarms.Shemutters
somethinginhersleepbutdoesn’twakesoIcarryhertothebedandtuckherin.I
traceafingerdownhercheektopushherhairoffherface.Shelookssoserene,so
peaceful.

IlethersleepandIstartgoingthroughallthedocumentsmybrothersentme.

April’sstalkermeansseriousbusiness.Ibetthecamerasinherhousearenotanovelty;
he’sbeenspyingonherforalongtime.Thenewestmessageshe’dbeensendingherall
suggesthisnextmoveistokidnapher.I’mmostconcernedbyonephrasehekeeps
usingthroughoutthemessages,thatthey’llbe‘unitedineternity,’andIplantodo
everythinginmypowerthatitdoesn’tcomeanywhereclosetothat.Istillhaveno
updatesonLeo.TheearthhasswallowedtheguybuthekeepssendingAprilmessages
fromhisphonethatwecannottrace.Wheredidhegainsuchadvancedtechnical
knowledge?ThecamerasinApril’splacewerehigh-tech,impossibletobuyofftheshelf
—camerasliketheoneswefoundwereputtogetherspecificallyforthispurpose.I
doubtLeopossessessuchasetofskills,consideringhe’saconstructionworker,sohe
must’vegottenhelpfromsomeone.Orheactuallydoesn’thaveanythingtodowith
this.Onlytimewilltellwhichoneofmyspeculationsisreal.

AfteraquicktalkwithaPoliceCaptainI’veworkedwithonacoupleofcasesinthe

pastandabriefingwithofficersBeckerandGuzman,whoareinchargeofApril’scase,I
jointhesleepingbeautyonthebed.AsIunscrewthebottleofwaterIgrabbedearlier
fromthevendingmachine,Iwatchher.She’sbreathtakinglybeautifuleveninher
sleep.

THENEXTMORNING

I’mjoltedawakebyApril’sgroaningandmoaning.“Ugh,my

head,”shewhines.Ibarelygotanysleepduringthenight,studyingthethreatening
messagesandwatchingoverAprilincaseshegotsickagain.

I’mfacingher,soIwatchherslowlyraiseherheadoffherpillowandsituponthe

bed.She’smassaginghertempleswithherfingers.

“Feelingtheaftereffectsofyesterday’sloveaffairwiththewhiskeybottle?”Ijoke

lightly.

Aprilwinces.“Ididn’trealizeyouwereawake.”Shestealsaglancemyway,her

cheeksflushed.“IfeellikeI’vebeenhitbyan18-wheeler.Repeatedly.Myheadisgoing
toexplode.”

“Wantsomewater?”
“Iwantcoffee.Andahuge,greasybreakfast.That’swhatIreallywant.”Sheavoids

eyecontact.Ibetshe’sfeelingallsortsofembarrassedaboutlastnight.

“Okaythen.Let’sgo.”
“Really?Justlikethat?”hervoiceisdoubtful,yethopeful.
“Yes.Theremustbesomedinerdowntheroad.”
“Thankyou,”comeshersoftreply.
Ipullmyjeansonwhileshegrabsherclothesandlocksherselfinthebathroomto

cleanup.Whensheemerges,hermassofhairistamedintoamessybraidfallingdown
herrightshoulder,stoppingrightbyherbreasts.She’swearingblack-rimmedglasses,
greyyogapantsthataccentuatehergorgeouslegs,andaplaindarkgreentanktop.
Sexyasfuck.

“Wegoing?”sheasks.Inod,grabmykeys,andwe’reonourway.

April

I’VEWOKEN

upwithakillerhangover.MyheadisstillpoundinglikecrazyandIfeel

likeI’mabouttopukeanysecond.I’mneverdrinkingagain.WhatthehellwasI
thinking,downingalmosthalfofthatbottle?Andwhiskyforthatmatter,whichI
haven’teventriedbefore.NowIknowwhyIneverhadtheurge—ittasteshorrible-
likeroastedacornseedswithaburningaftertaste.Ihavenoideahowpeoplecanenjoy
drinkingthisstuff,butwhenIsawthebottleonashelfinthereceptionareaIcouldn’t
resistthetemptation.Ineededliquidcouragebecauselivinginaclosedspacewith
Jude’sbeenslowlykillingme.Hisscentiseverywhere.Thebathroomsmellslikehis
aftershave,hisscentisalloverthebedsheets,it’seveninmyhair.Myhair,forChrist
sake!Ifonlyhesmokedorsweatedlikeapig;thatwouldmakethingseasier.Butno,he
smellsamazing,helooksevenbetter,andeventhesmallesthintofasmileonhisface
makesmystomacheruptinbutterflies.I’mbaffledbymybody’sreactiontohim
becausemybrainfindshimcompletelyannoying.Ifeellikepushinghimoutofthecar
sometimes,butIknowI’dbetryingtosavehisassthenextsecond.Howcanmy
treacherousheartskipabeateverytimeIhearhisvoiceorhisskintouchesmine?My

worldissooutoforder.

Ipurposelydressedsloppilythismorning;IworetheugliestyogapantsIown,the

moststretched-outtanktopIcouldfind.Ididn’tevenbotherputtingincontactlensesI
justputmyreadingglassesonandtuckedmyhairintoabraidwithoutevenbrushing
it.YesterdayIwentoverboardwithmybehavior,actinglikeacompletefloozy,offering
myselftohimonaplate.WhatwasIthinking?Iwasn’t,obviously.Andwhenwedrove
outtograbbreakfast,hestilllookedatmelikehewantstohavemeforbreakfast.Like
heknewwhatIwasthinking.

We’resittinginaboothofasmalldinerI’veneverheardofbefore.Today’sspecialty

isamushroomandspinachomelet;webothorderedthat.Ialsoorderedamugof
coffee,whichourwaitresshadtorefillthreetimesbeforeweevengotourmeals.Pure
heaven.

“Feelinganybetter?”Judeasks.
Inod,sippingmycoffee,avoidingeyecontact.IdecidedIdon’twanttothinkabout

lastnight.Ifitwerepossible,I’deraseitfrombothourmemories.I’vemadeacomplete
foolofmyself.

“I’msorryforlastnight,Idon’tknowwhat’sgottenintome.”
“Igetit.Youweredrunk.Don’tworry,thesethingshappen.”
“Nottome.Iactedinappropriately,andalcoholisnotanexcuseformyactions.”I

shouldknowthat.

“You’vebeenunderatremendousamountofpressurelately,soIcanunderstand

youneededtoletloose.”Hetakesabiteofhisomelet.

“Whyareyoudefendingme?”Iraiseaneyebrowinquestion.“Idon’tdeserveit.

I’veactedchildishandinappropriate.Notjustyesterday,butthewholetimewe’ve
beentogether.”

Judeputshisforkdownandlooksmeintheeyes.“Look,you’recurrentlyina

situationyoudon’tseeawayoutof,andyoufeeltrapped.Allyoucanthinkaboutis
you’restuckwithmeandit’sobviouslygettingonyournervessomehow.Everyonehas
theirownwayoflettingoffsteam.AndsinceI’msoirresistible,”hesmileshisperfect
smile,“themostobvioussolutionforyouwastogetmeinbed,”hesaysjokingly.
“Who’dblameyou?IknowhowharditistokeepyourclothesonwhenI’maround,”
hewinksatme.

Myjawdropsonthetable.“RightwhenIstartedtothinkthere’sactuallyareally

nicemanunderallthatarrogance,yougoaheadandsaythat,”Irollmyeyes.

Judegrins.“I’maniceman.IfIwasn’t,you’dbefeelingadelicioussoreness

betweenyourlegsatthisverymomentthatwouldlastfordaystocome.”

Heshutsmeupwithhisremark.WhatcouldIrespondwhenhe’stellingthetruth?

Ifhetookmeuponmyofferlastnight,Iwouldbefeelingallsortsofregretthis
morning.Idon’tknowifI’dbeabletobeinthesameroomashim.

WHENOURSTOMACHS

arefullandthelevelofcaffeineinmybodyisbacktonormal,

weheadbacktoourcar.I’mstillpainfullyembarrassedbymyactionslastnightandI
don’tthinkI’llbeabletogetridofmyguiltyconscienceanytimesoon.Butthere’sone
thingIcan’twrapmyheadaround,andit’sthefactherejectedme.Ican’tfigureout

whyhedidit.Hehadtheperfectopportunitytotakewhathesoclearlywanted;I’mnot
blind,InoticedhiseyesonmemoretimesthanIcouldcount.ButI’mstillgratefulhe
didn’ttakemeuponmydrunkenoffer;notmanymenwouldsayno.

Duringthedrivebacktoourmotel,Judekeepsglancingbackinhisrearviewmirror.

Hislipsarepressedtightlytogetherandhe’sgrippingthesteeringwheelsohardhis
knucklesareturningwhite.

“Issomethingwrong?”ThelasttimeIsawasimilarexpressiononhisfacewas

whenhecaughtthereceptionistlurkingoutsideourmotelroom.

“Huh?”hesaysdistractedly,butdoesn’tsayanythingelse.
“Issomethingwrong?”Irepeat.
“Notsure.Ithinkwe’rebeingfollowed.”
“Followed?”Iturnbackinmyseattolookbehindus.“Doyouthinkit’shim?”
“Idon’tknow.Trytoseeifyoucanmakeoutthelicenseplate.Here.”Hepullsa

pieceofpaperoutofhisjeanpocket.“IthinkIhaveapenintheglovecompartment.”I
don’thavetosearchforlonguntilIfindit.

“Whichcarisit?”
“Thirdcarbehindus,thesilvercaravan,”hereplies.
JudekeepshisgazefixedontherearviewmirrorwhileItrytodiscerntheplate

numberonthecar,butit’sprovingimpossibleasthecaristoofarbehindusandmy
eyesightisnotexactlyperfect.Acoupleofhundredfeetlater,Judepullsoffthe
highwayatthefirstexit.Thesuspicioussilvercaravanfollowsus.Judeparksthecarat
agasstationlot,openshisdoorandjumpsout.

“Whereareyougoing?”Iexclaim.“Getbackinside.”
“It’sokay.Justwaithere,”heleansinside,“I’llberightback.”Inoticehishand

reachesbehindhisbeltwherekeepshisgunandIinhalesharply.Thecaravandoesn’t
stop.Thedriver,wearingahood,putshisfoottothegaspedalanddrivesoffathigh
speedalmostrunningJudeoverintheprocess.I’msoshockedbywhatjusthappened,
Idon’tcatchthewholelicenseplatenumber,onlythefirstthreedigits.

Judereturnsandrevstheenginetochaseafterthecaravan,noticingatthelast

secondthere’sanothercarcomingatus.Wecometoascreechinghalt,narrowly
avoidingcollision.

TEN

Jude

“DAMNIT

!”IhitthesteeringwheelasIparkthecarinfrontofthemotel,stillfuriousas

hellforlettingthesilvercarescape.“Fuck!”

“Calmdown.”
“Icould’vecaughthim.”I’mgrippingthesteeringwheelsohardmyknucklesare

turningwhite.Idon’tevennoticewhenAprilputsherhandonmine.

“Hey,you’llgethim.Hejustcaughtusoffguardthistime.”
“No.Youdon’tunderstand.Ican’tallowmyselftobecaughtoffguardlikethis.”

Steppingoutofthecar,Islamthedoorshutbehindme,Aprilclosebehind.“Ican’tlet
thathappen.Ihavetobereadyforeverything.”

“You’rejustoneman,Jude,”shecallsafterme,tryingtokeepup.
“ButI’malsoresponsibleforyou!Eachincidentlikethiscouldcostyouyourlife.”
“Maybeitwasn’tLeo,perhapsitwasjustanunluckycoincidence.Ididn’trecognize

thecar.LeousedtodriveabeatupgreenVolvo.”

“Idon’tbelieveincoincidences,Princess.”Aprilclenchesherteethatthementionof

hernickname.“Hecould’vestolenthecarorborrowedit.Besides,Ithinkhe’sgotan
accomplice,oratleasthewantsustothinkthat.”

“What?”shesputters.“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”
“YousaidLeoworkedinconstruction.”
“Yeah,so?”
“Doeshehaveanyknowledgeofelectronicsorhowtobuildlittlegadgets?”
Shesnorts,laughingout.“Leo’snotafanofcomputers.Heknowshowtouseone,

butjusttowatchmoviesorsende-mails.”

“So,how’sitpossibleheplantedallthosehightechwirelesscamerasalloveryour

house?”

“Heprobablyboughtthem,Idon’tknow.Youcanbuyallsortsofthingsoffthe

internetthesedays,”sheshrugs.

“Notthismakeandmodel.Theyweremadespecificallyforthis.”
“Howmanycamerasdidtheyfind?”hervoiceisshaky.

“Twomorebesidetheoneyoufound.”
“OhmyGod!”Herhandisonherforehead,breathingdeeply.“Justthethoughtof

beingwatchedmakesmesick.Ican’tbelievewhat’shappening.Whyme?I’mnoone.I
reallydon’tunderstand.WhenLeoandIweretogetherhecouldn’tcarelessaboutour
relationship,andnow,he’ssuddenlywillingtodoeverythingtogetmeback.Itdoesn’t
makeanysense.”

“Boozemesseswithpeople’sbrains,andGodknowswhat’sgoingoninLeo’shead.”

Ipause.“Didyoumanagetowritedownthelicenseplate?”

“Onlythefirstthreedigits,”shesaysapologetically,handingmethescrapofpaper

withherwriting.

“That’ssomething.”Ibreatheandshovethepaperinmypocket.I’llcallStephlater.

Perhapsshe’llbeabletoworkhermagicandtrackit.

“Ireallywanttogobackhome,”Aprilsayswistfullyaswewalkthroughthedoorof

ourmotelroom.

“Inadayortwo.I’mwaitingforagreenlightfromColeandJessie.They’vereplaced

thefrontdooralready,andthesecuritysystemisbeinginstalledaswespeak.”

“JessieandCole?”sheaskswitharaisedeyebrow,thenplacesherpurseonthebed.
“Mybrothers.”
“Youhavetwobrothers?”sheexclaimsinsurprise.“Youallworktogether?”
“Yes,we’reallemployedatourfather’scompany,O’RilleyDetectiveAgency.”
“Wow,afamilybusiness.Interesting.Youlikewhatyoudo?”Alockofherhairfalls

fromherbraidtohereyes.Sheblowsatitbutitdoesn’thelp,soshejusttucksitbehind
herear.

Ishrug.“It’sbetterthanbefore,whenIstillworkedasadetective.Icanpickwhich

casesIwantandthepaycheckisbetter,”Ismileatherinquiringface.

“Haveyouworkedmanycasessimilartomine?”
“EversinceI’vestartedworkingformyfather,justafew,whichissurprising

consideringhowmanypeoplereportbeingstalked.Beforethat,I’veworkedthreeor
foursimilarcases,tops.”

“Andhowdidtheyend?Iassumeyouwerehiredtoprotectsomeonethathada

stalker?”

“Yes,”Isayquietly.“Itdidn’tendwelleverytime,tobehonest.Tracy,thegirlI

protectedlast…,yousortofremindmeofher.Shewasverystubborntooand
independent.Herex-husbandwasatextbookpsycho.Ifailedtoprotectherfromhim.
Shebledoutinmyarms.”

Aprilclaspsahandoverhermouthwithasharpinhale.“Shedied?”
“Yeah.Thefuckerstabbedherfivetimes.Ihadtotakeaphonecallandsteppedin

thehallway.Meanwhile,shewentoutsidetotakethetrashout,eventhoughIkept
tellinghernottoleavethehouseunescorted.Butshewouldn’tlisten.WhenIfinally
gottoher,itwastoolate.Icaughtthebastard,butwelosther.”Takingadeepbreath,I
bowmyhead.

“I’msosorry,”shesays,gentlyputtingherhandonmine.
“Me,too.That’swhyIwassofuriouswhenyoulefttheroom.Ialwaysneedtoknow

whereyouare,always.”

“Ihadnoidea…”Hervoicetrailsoffandshelooksstricken.“Ican’timaginehowit

madeyoufeel,merunningofflikethatwithoutwarning.”

“It’snotagoodfeelingatall.Itfeltlikeaninvisiblehandwastryingtopullmyguts

out,”Itellher.“Idon’tlikefeelinghelpless.”

Realizationhitsher;herfacefillswithregret.“Oh.”Thatdamnlockofhairfallsfrom

behindherearagainandmakesmewanttotameit.BeforeIcanreachforit,shesits
onourbed,hereyesfullofsadness.

Isitbesideher.“NowyouknowwhyIkeepnaggingyouaboutnotleavingmy

sight,”Isaymorelightly,tryingtoliftourmoods.“Itwouldn’tbetoogoodliving
withoutagut.”

ThecornersofApril’smouthturnslightlyup.“Areyourbrothersasstubbornand

persistentasyouare?”

“Nope,I’mthenormalone,”Ijoke.EveryoneknowsI’mthemostprotectiveand

stubborninourfamily.

“Youare?Ikindofdoubtthat.”Hervoiceturnsplayful,teasing.IlikethisAprilthe

most.

“What?Youdon’tbelieveme?”Ichallengeher,raisingabrow.
Shetapsherfingertoherlowerlip,pretendingtobedeepinthought.Thoselips.

“Nope,”sheshakesherheadandgrins.“You’rethemostannoying,bossy,possessive
anddangerousmanIknow.Idoubtyourbrothersareworsethanyou.”

“Youforgottoadd’unbelievablyattractive’.”
“No,Ileftthatoutonpurpose,”shegiggles.
“So,youdothinkI’munbelievablyattractive?”Isayconfidently.“Inyourdrunk

state,yousaid,andIquote,‘thatI’mquiteattractiveconsideringIhaveastickupmy
butt’.”

“Ididnotsayyou’reattractive.”
“Yeah,youdid,”Ismile.
“Oh,well,”sheshrugs,hercheeksturningpink.“Youregoisalreadybigenough,it

doesn’tneedtoinflateevenmore.”

“Thatmaybe,butyoulikemyconfidenceanddetermination.Admitit.”
“Nope…”sheshakesherhead.Hereyesgleamwithmischief.“I’llsticktomyearlier

statement.”

Iloveseeingherrelaxedandlaughingwithoutreservations.Myeyescatchonher

plumplipsandmybreathhitches.Shenoticesmestaringatherandgivesmeapointed
look.

“What?”
“Well,IguessIneverthoughtwe’devermeetafter…”
“Thatnight,youmean?”shefinishes.
“Yeah.”Myeyesneverleavehers.
“NeitherdidI.WhenIsawyoustandinginmybrother’skitchen,IthoughtIwas

hallucinatingforasecondthere.”

“Believeme,theshockwasmutual.IneveraskedyouwhatyouweredoinginNew

Yorkthatday.Didyoulivethere?”

“No.Ihadajobinterview,butIdidn’tgetit,justlikefivemorebeforethat.So,I

calledafriendwholivesthereanddraggedherouttodrownmysorrowsinliquor.”

“Youdidn’tseemtobeinabadmood,ordrunk,forthatmatter.”

“That’sbecausesomeonestoppedmehalfwaytodrowningmysorrowsincocktails.

Someguyhadotherplanswithme,”shegrins.“Andinthatmoment…whatcanIsay,I
wasverymuchonboard.”Hereyesstaringatminearefulloffire.

“Princess,didyoutakeadvantageofme?”Iraiseaneyebrow,mocking.
“Don’tplayinnocent,”shechallengesme,playingmygame.“Youcouldn’tevenwait

formetofinishmydrink.Youdraggedmeuptomyroom.Oh,God,”sheclaspsahand
overhereyes.“Idon’tknowwhatIwasthinking,invitingyoutomyroom.You
could’vebeenaserialkillerorsomething.”

“Icould’vebeen,”Iagree.
“AndwhatwereyoudoinginNewYork?”Thebedcreakswhensheturnsabitand

crossesherlegs.

Mysightneverleavesherlegs.“Ifinishedacasethatnight-sixthcheatingcasein

twoweeks.Idesperatelyneededtoloosenup.”

“Andyougotmorethanyoubargainedfor,huh?”shesays,bitingonherlowerlip.
“Hell,yeah.Somethingwaybetterlandedinmylap.”Literally.
“Interesting.Wewereboththeretoforget.”
“Didyou?”Iraiseaneyebrow.“Forget,Imean?”
“Aboutnotgettingthejob?Totally,”shegrins,teasingly.
“YouknowwhatImean.Didyouforgetournight?”Irecallhersayingshedoesn’t

rememberournightthatwell.

“Notreally,”sheadmitssoftly.
“Iknewit!”Igrintriumphantly.“DoesMaxknow?”
“Areyoukidding?”sheshrieks.“I’mdefinitelynotsharingthedetailsofmyone

nightstandswithmybrother.”

“Asinplural?”Interesting.“Princess,howoftendoyoudothatexactly?”Iregard

herwithcuriosity.Aprilblushes.

“Idon’tthinkthat’sanyofyourbusiness,”shestutters,pokingmyshoulderwithher

indexfinger.

“Well,itdoesn’tmatter,”Isay,grabbingapillowtoleanon,“IknowIwasthebest

you’veeverhad,”andwink.

“Ha,howveryegotisticalofyou.”
“Juststatingafact,Princess.”
Aprilshakesherhead,butthesmileonherbeautifulfacedoesn’tfalter.“Has

anyoneevertoldyouhowincrediblycockyandfullofyourselfyouare?”

“Onceortwice.”Itfeelssoeasyandnaturaltoflirtwithher.Toonatural.
“Yeah,right,onceortwicemyass.Howoldareyouanyway?”Shepushesherselfoff

thebed,takingoffhershoes.Hereyesexaminemyface,tryingtofigureitout.

“Whatdoyouthink?”Ichallengeher.
Shenarrowshereyes.“Idon’tknow,28maybe.”
“I’mthirty.”
“Pft,old-timer.”Herlaughterfillsourroom.
“Old-timer?”Oh,shejustasksforit.“I’manythingbut.”Lungingather,whileIhave

heroffguard,Ipushheragainstthewall,pinningherhandsoverherhead.She’s
trappednow.Hersmilefaltersandshe’sstaringupatmewithintensityandlust.The
roomseemstobackaway,theonlysoundIhearareourshallowbreaths,ourgazesstill

locked.

“Thenproveit,”shechallengesme.
“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’reasking.”Myfreehandreachesuptotuckastray

strandofhairbehindherear.Withmythumb,Ibrushoverthesoftskinofhercheek.I
hearhersharpinhaleofbreathandhereyesofCaribbeanbluestareupatme.Theair
arounduspracticallystartsbuzzingwithalltheelectricitytheintenseattraction
betweenusisgenerating.Iwantatasteofhersweetlipsagain,Iwanttofeelherlong
legswrappedaroundmyhips,andhernailsdiggingintomyback.Ibenddowntotake
inthedelicioussmellofher.Thatscent,itmakesmegocrazy.I’msohard,I’mhurting
allover.Irunmynosedownthelengthofherthroatandmytonguefollowssuit.
Trailingapathofwetkissesfromhernecktoherchest,shedoesn’tpushmeaway.Her
eyelidsflutterasshetiltsherheadtothesideforbetteraccess.Jesus,Ishouldn’tbe
doingthis,Iknowitisn’tright,butIcan’thelpmyself;I’mdrowninginher.I’mso
blindedbylustIcan’tseestraight.Ineedtofeelherbeneathme.“Youwantmeto
stop?”Ibreatheintoherear.“Please,tellmetostop.”Please,don’ttellmetostop.

“Ican’t,”shebreathes.Ipulltheelasticoutofherhairand,withlittleeffort,itpours

downhershoulders.Ibiteintoherearlobeandshemoanswithpleasure.Buryingmy
handsintoherlustroushair,mylipsandtonguetracedownherthroat,slowlyand
thoroughly.

“Whatarewedoing?”Imurmurasmylipstravelupward,towardherchin,andI

gentlybiteherlowerlip,tinglingwiththeneedtokisshermouth.

“Ihavenoidea,”shewhispers.Westareintoeachother’seyesforalongmoment

andthenherarmsmove.Forasecond,Ithinkshe’sgoingtopushmeaway,butshe
grabsmyshirtandpullsmetoherinstead,kissingmefiercely.Idon’thesitate,Ireturn
thekisswithequalfervor.Islipmyhandsunderhertankandslidethemuptounhook
herbra.ThenIreachforhersoft,roundedbreaststhatperfectlyfitintomypalms.She
leavesaquietmoan.Damn,evenhermoanissensual.Shegrabsthehemofmyshirt
andjerksitup,overmyhead.Ourbreathingisheavy,oureyesareburningwithdesire.
Thenextsecondshepushesmetobed.Ilaugh,butIstopthemomentIseeherstrip
outofhertanktop.Herhardnipplesarerightinfrontofmyface,desperateformy
attention.Whensheclimbsontopofme,Igrabherhipsandturnheraroundsoshe’s
finallybeneathme.Pushingmyhard-onintoherhips,myhandsactontheirown
accord,findingherhardpinknipples,squeezingandpinching.

“God,don’tstop,please,whateveryoudo,don’tstop!”Shethrustsherhipsup,

lettingoutamoansosexyIalmostcomeinmypantslikeateenager.Ibenddownto
kissmywaydownherstomachand,asIreachthebandofheryogapants,Ilookupat
herforpermission.Herfeverishgazeburnsthroughme.Iknowwhatshewants.What
sheneeds.AndIcangiveittoher.She’sgrowingrestlessbeneathme,soinonequick
swoop,Ihaveherpantsonthefloor.Iwatchherlikeapredatorwatchesitspreybefore
itpouncesonit.

“You’resogoddamnedsexy.”Irunmyeyesoverherchest,thendownherstomach

toherpantieswhichIknowaresoakingwet.Buttheintimatemomentbetweenusgets
interruptedbyaloudringingofmyphone.IwishIcouldjustthrowitagainstthewall
tosilenceit.“Fuck,”Imutterintoherstomach,andrestmyforeheadtherefora
moment.I’mbreathless.Raisingmygazetoherface,shelooksatmewithamixtureof

lustandannoyanceandshegentlypushesmeoffherandstandsup.

“Youbettergetthat.”SheputshertanktopbackonwhileIreachformycellphone,

sittingbackonmyheels.

“Thisbetterbesuperimportant,”Ihissintothephone.

ELEVEN

April

THEDUSKHASFINALLYSETTLED

.I’vemanagedtogetthroughanotherday.Aday

whichdraggedonlikeeternitybecauseofourlittleincident.Bothourdefensesslipped
alittleandwelostourselvesinpassion.God,mybrainlosesallitsvitalfunctionswhen
I’maroundJude,andthankfullyhisbrother’scallinterruptedus,otherwisewe
would’vegottensolostineachotherit’dbedaysbeforethefoginmyheadcleared.
AndChrist,Iwantedtolosemyselfinhimsobadly.Noonehasevermademefeelso
filledwithlust,socrazywithdesire.Oneminutewewerestandingthere,ourgazes
locked,andthenext,hislipsonmineinakisssointensemyheadwasspinning.Ifelt
hiserectionpressedagainstmybelly,hewashardandready.Butsuddenlythe
momentwaslost,andneitherofusknewwhattosayafterJude’scallsowedidn’tbring
uptheincident,justpretendednothinghappened.Easiersaidthandone.Thingswere
alreadyintensebetweenus.Weconstantlybickeredabouteverythingandnowwe’ve
onlymadethingsworse.Ononehand,I’mrelievedJude’sbrotherchosethatexact
momenttocall,butontheother,I’mnowawalkingcaseofraginghormoneswho’d
giveanythingforonemoremomentofweaknesswithJude.

I’mlyingonthebedbesideJude,anactionmovieplayingontheTV.We’reasfar

apartfromeachotheraspossible,tryingnottotoucheachotherinanyway.

I’mfeelinguncomfortablebythesilencebetweenussoIjustsaythefirstthingthat

comestomymind…“Isitannoying,havingtowatchovermeandprotectme?”Iask.
“Iknowit’snotexactlyyourdefinitionoffun.”

“It’sapartofthejob.”
Inod.“Job,ofcourse.”IknowI’mjustapersonheneedstoprotect,that’swhyit’s

betterwehaven’tslepttogetheragain.I’vegottenoverhimonce,Icouldn’tdoitagain.
I’dbecrushed.

“April,youmaybemyclient,”hesays,turningtome,lookingmeintheeyes,“butit

wasmydecisiontodoit.Icould’vesaidnoandhandedthecaseovertooneofmy
brothers.I’lltakecareofyou.We’llfindthesonofabitchthat’sruiningyourlife.I
promiseyouIwon’tgiveupuntilhe’sbehindbars.”Hiswordswarmmyheart.

“IhopeI’llstillhaveajobbythen.”Ineedmyjob.
“Don’tworryaboutthat.Yourbossknowswhat’sgoingoninyourlifeandI’msure

he’llunderstand.Besides,yoursafetyisthemostimportantthing.”

“Thankyou,”I’mvisiblyrelieved.ThejobofaTVhostmeansalottome,especially

sinceI’veworkedsohardtogetmyownshow.“Whatdowedonow?”

“Nowwewait.”
Afteralongpause,Ifinallyvoicewhat’sbeentroublingmeforthepastfewdays.

“I’msorryforbeingsuchabitch.Ipromisenottobehavelikethatagain.Fromnowon,
I’lldoanythingyousaywithoutobjection.”

Itreatedhimhorriblyandwithoutreason.IwasangrywithmyselfbecauseIwas

feelingsohelpless.Besidesdealingwithmyemotionsregardingthestalker,Ihadto
fighttheattractionIfeelforJude.AndItookitoutonhim.Itwasn’tright.I’musually
notbehavinglikeabrat.

“That’sgoodbecauseIneedyourtrustinme.Ican’tkeepyousafewithoutit.”
“Trustgoesbothways.”Heneedstotrustmetoo.
“Youhavemine,”Judesayswithouthesitation,whichtakesmebysurprise.IknowI

wasn’texactlytrust-worthy.

“AndItrustyou,”Inod.“Please,helpmegetmylifeback.”
“I’malreadydoingthat.”
“Yes,becauseMaxaskedyouto.NowI’maskingyou,too.”Heneedstohearitfrom

me.IneedtoprovetohimthatImeanit.HeselflesslycametomyaidandIkept
pushinghimaway,pushinghishelpaway.

“I’llhelpyou,youhavemyword.”
Andso,thetensionbetweenusbreaks,thosesillygrudgesIheldagainsthimare

gone.I’montherightpathtogettingbacktotheoldme.

“Thankyou.”Igivehimagentlesmile.Shotsgooffinthemovie,whichmakesus

bothflinch,soJudechangesthechannel.

“Haveyouevershotanyone?”Iaskcuriously.
“Yes,”herespondscurtlyandavertshisgaze.
“That’sit,nodetails?Who,why,whathappened?”Jumpingtomyknees,Ilookat

himdisappointed.Ireallywanttoknowthedetails.

“Thefirsttimewasfiveyearsago.”
“Firsttime?So,ithappenedmorethanonce?”Well,duh,he’sadetective,April.

“Haveyoueverkilledanyone?”IshiverinvoluntarilyatthethoughtofJudetakinga
life.

“Yes,”hesaysquietlyafterashortpause.
“Whathappened?”
“ItwasbackwhenIstillworkedasadetective.Iwaschasingaserialrobberwithmy

partnerand,whenwefinallylocatedhim,hestartedfiringoffhisguninalldirections,
killingoneandinjuringtwo.Ihadnootherchoicebuttoshoothim.Straightbetween
theeyes.”

Iclampahandovermymouth,inhalingsharply.TherearemanythingsIstilldon’t

knowabouthim.

“Haveyoueverbeenshot?”Atthethoughtofthat,Igetsicktomystomach.
“Yes.”

“Wasitbad?”
Helooksatme.“Itcould’vebeenworse.Butluckily,Iwalkedawaywithonlyascar

that’llremindmeoftheincidentmywholelife.”

“Wheredidthebullethityou?”
“Myrightshoulder.”Hepullsdownthecollarofhisshirttorevealasmallscarthat

standsoutamongtheblackinkofhistattoo.“Ispentafewdaysinthehospital
recuperating,butatleastIsurvived.Mypartnerwasn’tsolucky.Hediedthatdayon
thestreet.”ItracemyfingeroverthehealedwoundandIhearhisintakeofbreath.His
gazelockswithmine.Theairstartscracklingwithsexualtension.Ihastilyremovemy
hand,feelinglikeIwasburnt,swallowinghard.

“I’msorrytohearthat,”Isayquietly.“Wereyougoodfriends?”
“Yes.Hewastrulyagoodman.”Hefixeshisshirt.“Heleftbehindalovingfamily.It

wasaverydifficulttimeforme,soIdecidedtoleavethepoliceforceandjoinedmy
father’steam.”

“Isthislineofworkanylessdangerous?”Itcan’tbe.
“No,itjustmeansIworkalone.Theycan’tkillanyone.”
“Whataboutthepersonyou’reprotecting?”
“I’mtryingmyhardesttomakesuremyclientisalwayssafe.”
“Whatifyoufail?Likewiththegirlyoutoldmeabout?”
“Idon’twanttothinkaboutthatscenario.NotadaygoesbythatIdon’tthinkof

her.”

“Iwasinahospitalforalongtime,”Iswitchthetopic.“WhenIwas19,Iwasina

reallynastycaraccident.Itleftbehindaverybig,uglyscar,butIlived.AndnowIlive
mylifelikeit’smylast.Wedon’tknowhowmuchtimewestillhavesomymottoisto
eatlifewithabigspoon.That’swhyIgetsoangrywhenpeopletrytobossmearound.”

“YousoundlikeCole,”Judeshakeshishead.
“Hesoundslikeaverysmartman,”Igrin.
“Sometimestoosmartforhisowngood,”hesays.“Whathappened?”Hisgreeneyes

piercemine.Iknowhe’saskingaboutthecaraccident.

“Drunkdriver.Iwasonmywayhomefromapartywithmyboyfriendatthetime,

Tanner.Wedidn’tevenrealizesomeonehadcrashedintous.Iwokeupfourdayslater
inahospital.Tannerluckilyonlysufferedamildconcussion,brokenarmandafew
bruises,butIwasn’tsolucky.Thetruckhitmysideofthecar.”Judegrindshisteeth
togetherandIshrug.“That’sallinthepastnow.”IsmiletoshowhimI’mokay.

“That’sthereasonbehindthetattooonthesideofyourbody?”
“Yes.Howdidyouknow?”
“Aluckyguess.”
ThescarwassouglyIneededtocoveritup.Ididn’twantaconstantreminderof

thathorribleaccidentsoIdecidedtogetatattooofabranchwithprettypinkcherry
blossomstocoverit.

“Ilikeit,”hesays,andIblushbecauseIrememberthewayhe’dtracedthetattoo

fromthetoptothebottomwiththelightestoftouchesfromhishandthatnight.

AsJude’sflippingthroughthechannels,hecomesacrossasegmentofnewsI

preparedforachannelIusedtoworkforinmyrookieyears.Ireachfortheremoteto
changethechannel.

“Don’t,”Jude’shandonminestopsme.
“You’llbeboredoutofyourmind,”Irollmyeyes.Thesegmentwasaboutbotanical

gardens,hardlyatopicJudewouldbeinterestedin.ButbackthenItookeveryjobI
wasofferedtofurthermyselfinthebusinessandgetvaluableexperience.

“Doesn’tmatter.Iwannawatchit.”
“Ifyouinsist,”Ibackdown.Wesettlecomfortablyonthebed,thistimemore

comfortably,touchingelbows.Icanpracticallyfeelthewarmthofhisbodyradiating
offhim.Mysensesaretingling,andhismuskyscentisn’thelpingeither.Hehasn’t
shavedinafewdaysandtheshadowmakestheanglesofhisfacesharper.My
traitorousbrainstartsweavinganotherfantasyinmyhead,starringJudeandhis
sensuallips.April,getittogether!Thisthingbetweenusisn’tgoinganywhere.

Justastheprogram’scomingtotheendwehearaloudbangfromtheoutside.We

bothjumpandlookateachother.

“Whatwasthat?”Istraightenup.
“I’mabouttofindout.LockthedoorwhileI’mout.”Judeslipshisfeetintohisshoes

andrunsoutthedoor.Iwalkuptothewindowtopeekthroughthecurtain.AndthenI
freeze.There’sacaronfireoutside-likeburningupinflames!Notjustanycar—Jude’s.
Judeisstandingafewfeetawaytryingtoputtheragingflamesoutwithafire
extinguisher,thereceptionistdoingthesamefromtheothersideofthecar.Ittakesa
whilebeforetheygetthefireundercontrol.Iletoutarelievedbreathwhentheflames
disappear.Thesirensarealreadyechoinginthedistance.Judeseemstobeonthe
phone,pausingbrieflytosaysomethingtothereceptionist,whonodsandrunsoffthe
parkinglot.Faraway,partiallyhiddenbytheblacknight,Isuddenlynoticeadark
figurewithahoodon,observingeverything.“Leo,”Ibreathe.Shiversrundownmy
spine;myheartstartsbeatinguncontrollably.Idon’tthinktwiceaboutit.Ijustgrabmy
coat,sliponmytennisshoesandrundownstairstoJude.

“Good,yeah,Iagree,”IhearhisseriousvoiceasIreachhim.“Justthismoment.

Okay.Bye.”Hebarelyhangsupbeforeheglaresdownatme.“Didn’tItellyoutowait
intheroom?”hesoundspissedoff.

“Iknow,Iknow,”Isay,alittleoutofbreath,apologetically.“Ihaveagoodreasonto

behere.Overthere,”Ipointtothesidewithmyhead.“Somebody’sthere.”Iraisemy
shakinghandinthedirectionofthefigureIsawjustmomentsago,butthere’snoone
therenow.

“Whodidyousee?”Judewrapshispalmsaroundmyelbows,lookingatme.
“Isawsomeonestandingthere.Hewaswearingahoodieoverhishead,justlikethe

manwhofollowedus,”myvoiceshakes.

“Shit!”Herubshisface.
“Doyouthinkit’sLeo?Didhefindme?”I’mstartingtopanic.
“Idon’tknowifit’shim,butitcan’tbeacoincidence.”
“Here,”thereceptionistreachesus,panting,anenvelopeinhishand.
HelooksatmeashegivesJudetheenvelope.“Beforeallthishappened,”hewaves

hishandatthedestroyedcar,“amancametothereceptiondeskandtoldmetogive
youthis.”

“Washewearingahoodie?”Iaskhim.
“Yes,howdidyouknow?”Heseemssurprisedbymyquestion.JudeandIexchange

looks,butdon’tanswer.

“April,goinside,”Judeinstructsfirmlyashisgriponthenotehejustfinished

readingtightens.

“Why?”Ifrown.
“Goinsidetheroomandlockyourselfin.You,gowithher,”Judelooksatthe

receptionist,“andmakesureyoustaythere.”

“Jude?”Igivehimaquestioninglook.
“Please,justdoasIsay.”Thelookinhiseyesiseverythingbutcalm.
“Come,let’sgo,”thereceptionistencouragesmetofollowhimwithahandtomy

back.InodatJude;helooksworried,hisforeheadwrinkled.He’smutteringtohimself,
undoubtedlyswearing,andIletthereceptionisttakemetotheroomandlockthedoor
behindus.

“What’sgoingon?”Iaskhimthesecondheturnsawayfromthedoor.Throughthe

window,Icanseethefiredepartmentandthepolicehavearrived.

“Ihavenoidea,”thereceptionistsighs,buryinghishandsinhishair.“Itwasaquiet

night.Iwasplayingagameonmyphone,andsuddenly,there’sthismanatthe
counter,handingmeanenvelope.SaidIneedtogiveittoyou.Andfiveminuteslater,
Bam!Ialmostpissedmypants,”heshakeshishead.“Isawacarwasonfireandcalled
911.ThenIgrabbedafireextinguisherandranout.Itallhappenedsoquickly.”

“Whatdidthenotesay?”
“Idon’treadpersonalmail.”HehasthedecencytoappearoffendedsoIgivehima

pointedlooktoremindhimofthenighthespiedonJudeandme.“Well,notanymore,”
heblushes,scratchinghishead.Hechosetherightmomenttostopsnooping.

“Didn’tyoufinditsuspicioussomeoneleftanenvelopeforaguest?”
“Notreally.Itwasn’tthefirsttimesomeoneleftsomethingatthereceptionfora

guest,”heshrugs.Inodabsentmindedly,stillstandingatthewindow,staringoutatthe
parkinglot.

Judeistalkingwiththreepolicemenandtwomoremenjointhem.Whileone

officertakesnotes,theothertwostartexaminingwhatremainedofthecar.Judehands
overtheenvelope,pointsafingertoourroom,andtheyspendthenexttenminutes
withtheirheadstogetherdiscussingsomething.

Itseemslikeaneternityhaspassedbeforethewreckofacaristowedawayand

Judeknocksonthedoorofourroom.

“So?Whathappened?Whatdidthenotesay?Dotheyknowwhoplantedthe

bomb?”IbombhimwithquestionsthesecondIopenthedoor.

Judelooksovertothereceptionist,ignoringme.“Thepolicewishtospeakwithyou,

they’rewaitingforyououtside.”ThereceptionistnodsandashewalkspastJude,Jude
stopshim,grabbinghiselbow.“Youreallydon’trememberwhatthemandelivering
thenotelookedlike?”

“Noidea,man.Sorry.Iwasn’treallypayingmuchattention.Hewaswearingahood

andhaditlowoverhiseyes,asItoldyoubefore.”Hepauses,frowning.“ButIdid
noticethesmell.Hesmelledfunky.”

“Likecigarettesandsomethingsweet?”Ijumpin,impatiently.EveryletterI’d

gotten,everybouquet,theysmelledlikecigarettesmokeandsomethingsweet,whichI
stillcan’tdetermine.

“Yes,exactlylikeit,”henodsthoughtfullyandthendisappearsthroughthedoor.
“Itwashim,Jude,itwashim!Hesetthecaronfire;hefoundme,”Iexclaim,the

panicclearinmyvoice.Coveringmymouthwithahand,Icollapseontothebed,tears
streamingdownmyface.Howcouldhehavefoundus?Whyishedoingthis?Whyishe
tryingtoruinmylife?

“IsLeoasmoker?”Judejoinsmeonthebed,hisbig,warmarmwrappingaround

me.Hischinrestsontopofmyhead.

“No,atleasthewasn’t.Godknowswhat’sbecomeofhishabitsnow.Apparently,I

don’tknowhimatall.”

“We’llfindallthemissingpiecesofthepuzzle,April.Ipromise.”
“Youcan’tknowthatforsure,”Isniff.“Whatdidthenotesay?”Irepeat,givinghim

apleadinglook.

Judetakesadeepbreathandrunsbothhishandsthroughhisunrulyhair.“You

don’tneedtoworryaboutit.”

I’mtakenaback.“Whynot?”Ishifttolookathim.“Tellme.”Imustknow.
“April—“
“Tellme!”Iraisemyvoice.“Iwanttoknow!”It’smylifewe’retalkingabout.
Judecloseshiseyes,shakinghishead.“Itsaidthatthenexttimeit’snotgoingtobe

justthecarthat’sonfire.”

Eyeswideopen,Ilookathimandtakeasharpintakeofbreath.“There’sgoingtobe

anexttime?”

“Iwon’tletitgetthatfar.”Hesaysthatsoconvincingly,Ialmostbelievehim.He

pointshisheadtomystuff.“Packyourthings,they’rewaitingforusdownstairs.We’re
leaving.”

“Who’swaiting?Andwherearewegoing?How?Wedon’thaveacar,remember?”
“ColeandJessiearehere.They’lltakeus.”

Jude

ITTOOK

menomorethanaminutetothrowmythingstogetherandthenIleftAprilto

collectherthoughts.Shedidn’ttakethenewsaboutherstalkerfindingherwell.I
wantedsobadlytocomforther,tohugherandneverletgo,butwedon’thavetimefor
that.IjoinJessieandColeintheparkinglottoworkoutthebestplantoprotectApril
fromthepsychothat’sbeenafterher.Ihavefullvisualoftheroomshe’sin,packing
herstuff.Thenoteintheenvelopethrewmeforaloop;IonlytoldAprilapartofwhat
itactuallysaid—thathe’llfindhernomatterwhereshehidesandthathe’snevergoing
togiveup.Italsosayssheneedstogetridofmebecausehecan’tstandothermen’s
handsonher.Itbreakshisheartwatchingherwithsomebodythat’snothim.Itwas
supposedtobethetwoofthemtogetherforeverassoulmates.Heclaimstoforgiveall
herprevioussinsifonlyshesurrenderstohim.AndI’mtheonewho’sgoingtoburnif
shedoesn’tleavemebehind,becauseI’mtheonlythingstandingbetweenthemand

theirhappiness.IgotsicktomystomachwhenIreadthenote.ThenIhandeditoverto
thepolicewhentheyarrivedatthescene.

“How’ssheholdingup?”Jessie,myyoungerbrother,asks.
“Aswellasshecan,consideringallthat’sbeenhappening.”Istickmyhandsinthe

pocketsofmyjeans.“Thanksforcoming.”

“Don’tevenmentionit,youknowwealwayshaveyourback.”
“Everythingokaybackatherhouse?”Itbetterbe.Wecan’tstayhereanylonger.
“Yes,”Colenods.Policehavebeensurveillingthehouseforthepasttwodaysincase

someonewantedtosnooparoundorenterthehouse.“It’sclearthestalkerknowsshe’s
notathome.Howthehelldidhemanagetofindyoutwo?”

“IhavenocluebutIintendtofindout,”Isayfirmly.
“Weshouldgetgoing.GocheckonApril,andwe’llwaitforyouinthecar.”Cole

openshissideofthecar.

“Okay.”
WhenIreachtheroom,thedoorisclosedandthelightisstillon.“April,areyou

done?It’stimeforustogo,”IsayasIknockonthedoor.Ichecktheclock,waita
moment,butIgetnoanswer.“April?”Iaskagainbeforeentering.Theroomisempty
andtidiedup,soIcheckthebathroom.“April,youinthere?I’mcomingin.”Nosignof
her.“April!”Icall,myjawclenched.“Shit.”Herluggageisgoneandtheroomisvoidof
anythingthatcouldinsinuateshewasevenhere,exceptforthefaintscentofherlovely
floralperfumethatstilllingersintheroom.SomuchforpromisingtodoasIsay.
“Fuck.”Ihissandrunoutside.Ilookleftandright;April’snowhereinsight.

“Isshedowntherewithyouguys?”Iyellfromthetopofthestairs.
“No,”Coleyellsback.“She’snotintheroom?”
“No,Ican’tfindheranywhere.”Bothmybrothersgetoutofthecar,runningin

oppositedirectionstofindher.

“Whatareyoudoing,April?”ImuttertomyselfasIhurrydownthestairs.First,I

checkthereceptionareaandI’mtoldshehasn’tbeenaroundsincethepoliceleft.Irun
tothegravelroadbehindthemotel;maybeshe’sthere.ButIhavenoluck.“Damnit!”I
getbacktothecarwhereJessieandColemeetme.

“Nothing,”theysayinunison.
“Wherecouldshehavegone?”Iabsentmindedlyscratchmyunshavenchin.“Do

youguysthinkthestalkergottoher?”I’mgettingmoreandmoreworried.

“Maybeshehidsomewheretoavoidbeingnoticed,andwhenitwasclear,she’d

gonetotheroad?”Cole’sthinkingoutloud.“Couldbethenotefreakedheroutsomuch
sheranoffonherown.”

“That’spossible.Thenshecan’tbethatfaraway.I’mtakingright,andCole,you

checkleft.Jessiecanfollowbehindinthecar.”

Itonlytakesmeafewminutestofindherwalkingdowntheroad,towingher

suitcasebehindher.“April!”Iyellandfastenmystep.Whenshehearsmyvoice,she
quickensherpace.“Wouldyoufuckingstop?”Forcryingoutloud.

“Leavemealone.Goaway,”sheyells,notstopping.
Ireachherand,grabbingherelbow,Iturnheraroundtofaceme.“Whatthehelldo

youthinkyou’redoing?Areyoucompletelyoutofyourmind?”I’mfumingwithanger.
Shecould’vegottenhurt,orworse.

“I’mleaving.WhatdoesitlooklikeI’mdoing?Idon’twantanyonetobeindanger

becauseofme.Thatpsychocould’vekilledyouorsomeoneelseclosetome.Nobody
aroundmeissafe,don’tyougetit?”Inoticethetearsfallingdownhercheeks.“Letme
go.”

“No,”Isayfirmly.“You’recomingbackwithme.”
“HaveyouevenheardawordIjustsaid?Noone’ssafearoundme.”
“Iknowhowtotakecareofmyself,Princess.Iwon’tletyourunaway.”Ipullher

intomyarms.Sheresists,tryingtohitmewithherfists,butI’mholdingontohertoo
tightlytoallowhertogetinapunch.

“Please,”shecriesout.“Justletmego.”Shefinallystopsresisting,butIdon’tlether

go.

“Enoughrunning,April.You’remuchsaferwithmethanonyourown,”Iwhisper

intoherear.

“Ican’t…This…It’skillingme.Maybe…Maybe…”
“What?”Iputmythumbtoherchintoraiseitupsoherglassyeyesmeetmine.I

wipeawayathertears.

“IfIlethimtakemea-away,thenhe’dl-leaveeveryoneelsealone.”
“Nothappening,”Isay.Overmydeadbody.
“Why?Whywouldyouwanttoexposeyourself?”Shecriesoutandmylipsforma

thinline.“Why?”

“Idon’twantanythingbadtohappentoyou,okay?”Irespondsoftly.

TWELVE

April

THENEXTMORNING

Iwokeupinthecomfortofmyownbed.Inthecomfortofmy

ownhome.Thebrothershaveassuredmethehousewascompletelysafeformeto
comebacktowhenIexpressedmydoubts.YetIdon’tfeelanybetter,oranymore
secure.Iwanttohideinacavesomewhereandcomeoutonlywhenthingsgetsorted
outandthedangerousstalkerisnolongerathreattomysafetyandsanity.

Butthat’snothowthingswork,soI’mcurleduponthecouchinthelivingroom

whilethebrothersarediscussingthingsandcomingupwithaplanofactionforthe
pasthour.Voicesareraisedandcursewordsflythroughtheairastheytrytofigureout
howLeomanagedtotrackJudeandme.Ifeellikethisdayhasbeendraggingon
forever,andit’sonlyfivepm.Ican’tkeepquietanymore,it’seatingmealive.

“Enough!”Ishout,myeyesclosed,asIgettomyfeet.“Enough,enough,enough!”I

covermyearswithmyhands.JessieandColefreezeintheirspots,Judeisbesideme
thenextmoment.HereachesouttoplaceahandonmyshoulderbutIsteptotheside
toavoidcontact.Ifeelthreepairsofeyesonme.

“Don’tfight,please.I’msorry,I’msosorry,”Icryout.
“April,weweren’ttryingtoupsetyou,we’rejusttryingtofindasolution,tryingto

gettothebottomofthis,”Jude’svoiceissoothing.

“That’snotwhatImeant,Jude.”Iraisemygazetohim,pleading.“It’sallmyfault.

I’mthereasonhefoundus.”God,howwasIsostupid?

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Jude’slipspressinafirmline.Herepeatsthe

question,thistimemorefirmly,andIjumpattheharshtoneofhisvoice.“April,getit
togetherandtellmewhatyoumeantbythat.”

“I,um,theotherday,whenIwasatthereceptiondesk,whileyouwerestill

sleeping,I…Icalled…IcalledRebecca,okay?Itoldherwherewewere.I’msosorry.”

“Whywouldyoudothat?”Hiseyetwitches.“Ispecificallytoldyounottodothat.”
“I’msorry,okay?”Iburstintotears,myshoulderssaggingwithdefeat.“Ineededto

hearhervoice.Ihadtotalktosomeone.”

Atthetime,itseemedlikeasmartidea.Judewasasleep.IhadtheopportunityandI

tookit.Itwasthatsimple.TheonlythingonmymindwasthatIhadtocallher,butI
didn’tthinkabouttherisksitcouldbringorthatImightexposeourhidingspottothe
stalker.

“Ican’tdomyjoblikethis,”Judeholdshishandsup,cursingunderhisbreath.He

turnsaway,shakinghishead.TheroomgetssoquietIcanhearhimscratchinghis
unshavedcheeks.

“Jude,calmdown,”Jessiespeaksup.
“Don’ttellmetofuckingcalmdown.Therewasonethingshehadtodo,but

apparently,itwastoomuch.Onefuckingthing!”

“I’msorry!”Iexclaimindespair.
“Youshouldbe.Youputusbothinseriousdanger,”hebarks.
“Itwasn’tonpurpose,”Itrytodefendmyself.
“Jude,gogetsomeairandcalmthefuckdownbeforeyousaysomethingyou’ll

regretlater,”Coleinterferes.

Jude’smouthtwitchesasifhewantedtosaysomething,butthefuriousringingof

mycellinterruptshim.MyeyesarestillonJude.Idon’tbotherlookingatthescreen
beforeIanswer.

“Yeah?”
“MysweetApril,”Ihearamutedvoiceontheothersideoftheline.
Chillsrunupmyspine.“Leo?”
WithtwolongstridesJudeisbymyside,studyingmyface.“Isithim?”hewantsto

makesureheheardmeright,andInod.Iseehimturntohisbrothersandtellthemto
callsomeonenamedSteph.

“YoustillthinkI’mLeo,huh?”
“Whatisthatsupposedtomean?”
“Well,Ican’tblameyou,”hesays,ignoringmyquestion.“Afterall,Inever

confirmednordeniedyourassumptions.”

“Whatareyousaying?”
“I’msaying,mylove,thatIcouldbeanyone.Yourco-worker,thejanitor,neighbor,

orperhapsadevotedfan.IcouldalsobeLeo.Butthatdoesn’tplayanimportantrole
here;theonlythingthatmattersinthismessis,thatIloveyou.You’remine,sweet
April.”

“You’reinsane!”Inervouslypacetheroom.
“Insanelyinlovewithyou,myangel,”hesaysinasingingvoice.“Ihaveapresent

foryou.”

“Idon’twantanythingfromyou.”
“Now,don’tsaythat.Iwanttogiveyouthewholeworld.I’mwillingtogiveup

everythingforyou.Ididthisforyou,remember.Thiswilltakeusastepclosertoour
eternitytogether.”

“Wha-whatdidyoudo?”Istutter,lookingoveratJudewhoseattentionissolelyon

me.

“IleftthepresentbythebackentranceofAntonio’s.”That’sLeo’sfavoritedivebar.
“I’mnotinterested.”
“ButI’msureyourprettylittledetectivewouldbeinterested.”Myeyeswiden.Jude

stills,hiseartotheearpiece.“Tellhimaboutthepresent,”hesaysandhangsup.

Thelivingroomisengulfedwithdeafeningsilenceasweallstareateachother.
“Diditwork?”Judefinallyspeaksup,lookingatCole,whosephoneisstilltohisear.

He’stalkingtosomeone.I’massumingit’sawomannamedSteph.

Coleslowlyliftshiseyes,Icanseethetriumphantexpressiononhisface.“Yes,we

tracedhislocation.It’sonlyafewmilesfromhere.”Hescribblestheaddressdown.

“Exactlywherehesaidapresent’swaitingforme,”Imutter.
“Thanks,Steph,”Colesaysandhangsup.
“Cole,grabyourkeysandlet’sgo.Jessie,youwatchher.”Judedoesn’twaitfora

replyandheadstothefrontdoor.

“Wait!”Icallafterhim.“Whatifit’satrap?”Theycouldgetseriouslyhurt.“You

heardhim.”Whatifhe’stryingtogetJudeonhisturfsohecoulddosomethingtohim?

“There’salwayssomething,Princess,”hesays,voidofemotions,butthenhestops

andturnsaround,placinghishandonmyshoulder.Ifeelthewarmthofhistouchdeep
downtomybones.Givinghimapleadinglook,Iwordlesslyaskhimtochangehis
mind.“Ipromisewe’llbecareful.”IalmostjumpinsurprisewhenIfeelhislipsagainst
myforehead,acompleteturnfromafewminutesagowhenhewasspewingwithfury.
Iclosemyeyes,leaningslightlyforwardtosoakinhiscloseness.

“Please,”Isay,notreallyknowingwhatI’mbegginghimfor.
“We’llbebacksoon,”JudepromisesbeforehefollowsCole.Soonafter,Ihearhim

speakingonthephone,probablywiththepolice,whichcomfortsmesincethey’renot
goingtogotoAntonio’salone.

“Youhavenothingtoworryabout,theycantakecareofthemselves.”Jessieappears

behindmyback,huggingmetohim.

“Ireallyhopeso,”Iweepintohisshirt.

TWOHOURS

laterI’manervouswreck,bitingmynailsandwearingoutthecarpet,

walkingcirclesaroundtheroomthewholetime.Occasionally,Istopbythewindow
andstareintothedistance.ItstartedsnowinglightlywhenJudeandColeleftandnow
it’sturnedintoasnowstorm.

“Sitdown.You’regoingtodrillaholethroughthefloor.”
“Ican’tsitstill.Isitnormalforthemtobegonesolongwithoutevenaphonecall?

Theyshould’vegottenincontactwithusbynow.”Notonlyisitsnowinglikeit’sthe
endoftheworld,it’sgottendarktoo.Whatcouldtheyhavefoundthatwehaven’t
heardfromthemyet?

“I’msuretheywon’tbelongnow.”FromthecornerofmyeyeIseehimtyping

somethingonhisphoneandputitbackonthetable.Afewminuteslater,hedoesit
again.Ipinchmyeyebrowstogether.CouldhebetextingJude?Whenheputsthe
phonedownforthefourthtime,Iquicklyleanoverandgrabit.Iwanttoknowwhat
he’sbeenhidingfromme.Tappingthephonesoitdoesn’tlock,Iopenhismessages.

“Hey,whatareyoudoing?”heexclaimsandreachesforhisphone.
“Whoareyoutexting?”
“Noone.”
“Idon’tbelieveyou.”Hemanagestopullthephoneoutofmygrasp,butnotbefore

IseeJude’slastmessage.

“Whatisitthatyoucan’ttellme?”Iraisemyeyebrowsaccusinglyathim,waiting

foranexplanation.

“They’llbehereinaminuteandJude’sgonnaupdateyouoneverything.”
“Iwanttoknownow,dammit!Whydon’tyoutellme?”Istompmyfootonthe

ground.“Jessie,whatareyouhidingfromme?”

Myinquisitionisinterruptedbythesoundofthefrontdoorunlocking.JessieandI

turnaroundseeingColeandJudeaccompaniedbythetwopolicemenIremember
seeingbesidetheburnedcar.They’realldustingoffsnowandIhearJessiesighwith
relief.

“What’sgoingon?Someonebettertellme,fast.”Myeyestravelfromonemanto

another,impatient.

“MissBrookes,”oneofthepolicemensmilesawkwardly.He’stallandsturdy,with

wideshouldersandkindeyes,andhetellsmehisnameisOfficerGuzman.

“Ithinkit’sbestifyousatdown.”Judegrabsmyelbowandpointshisheadatthe

couch.Idon’thesitate.Iplopdownonit,Judejoiningme,andheputsahandonmy
knee,compassionately.Ilookintohiseyestoseeiftheywilltellmeanythingbuthis
wholefaceisanimpassivemask.

“WefoundLeo,”hesaysquietly,gentlysqueezingmyknee.Iletoutasighofrelief.
“Really?Washejustwaitingforyouthere?”That’sasurprise.“Whatdidhehaveto

sayforhimself?”Iraisemygazetothepolicemen,theirhandsstuffedinthepocketsof
theirpantsandtheirexpressionsgrim.

“MissBrookes,wefoundMisterDevlininaditchbythebackexitofAntonio’s,”the

otherofficersays.

“Washedrunkagain?”Ishakemyheadindisappointment.Idon’tknowwhyIstill

expectbetterfromhim.

Judeshiftssohekneelsinfrontofme,takingmyhandsintohis.Helooksmeinthe

eyesandquietlytellsme,“April,Leoisdead.”

“What?”Iflinch,tryingtogetup,tryingtobackawayfromJude,butthecouchstops

me.“How?Wespokejustafewhoursago,”I’mstartingtogetdizzyandmykneesare
shaking.StrongarmscatchmeinanembracebeforeIcancollapsetothefloor.

“Sitdown,”Judesayssoftly.
MyfeelingsaresomessedupIdon’tknowwhethertofeelrelievedortocrawlin

mybedandcry.“Areyousureitwashim?”

“TheIDinhiswallethelpedidentifyhim,”thecopwiththefriendlyeyestellsme.
“Areyouokay?”Judeasks,brushingastrandofhairoffmyface,butIdon’tanswer.
“We’llknowmoreaboutwhathappenedaftertheautopsy,”theotherpoliceman

says.

“Ho-howdidhedie?”Istutter.I’mnottoosureifIwanttoknow.
“April,thiscanwait.Youlookpale;you’dbetterliedownforaminute,”Judespeaks,

hisvoicequiet,loving,gentleandcompassionate.

“No!”Ihiss.“Iwanttoknowwhathappenedtohim!”
Judesharesalookwiththeothersbutdoesn’tspeak.
“Jessie,Cole?”Iplead.
Coletakesadeepbreathand,lookingdownatthefloor,hesays,“Hishandwas

completelybutchered,fromhiswristallthewayuptotheelbow.”

WhatlittlecolorIstillhadonmyfacedisappearscompletely.“But…Buthow?When

didthathappen?Beforeyouarrived,orwasitwhenyouwerealreadythere?”I’m
completelyshaken.“Didhecommitsuicide?”

“Jude,we’releaving.Seeyoulateratthestation?”Thecopsturntoleave.“Wehave

tofinishthereport.”

“Yes,I’llstopby.TellCaptainReevestowaitforme.”WhileJessieandColeseethe

policemenout,I’mwaitingforJude’sexplanation.

“Jude,please,don’tkeepthingsfromme.Ineedtoknowwhathappened.AmIsafe

now?DoesthatmeanIdon’tneedyouanymore?”

Judestandsup,turningsohisbackistome,sighing,shovinghishandsintotheback

pocketsofhisjeans.“No,I’mnotgoinganywhere.”

“Buthe’sdead.Hecan’thurtmeanymore,right?”
“April,Leowasn’ttheonewho’sbeenharassingyou.”Iwatchhiminastonishment,

openingmymouthandthenclosingit,lostforwords.“Didyouhearme?”Hewalksto
me,capturingmyfaceinhispalms.“Itwasn’thim,”hewhispers.

Inod,lookingupathiseyes.“You’resure?Thenwhydidhekeepcallingme?And

allthosee-mailshesentme…”

“Leowasdeadbeforewegotthereandhisbodyisshowingsignsofdecay.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Meanshe’dbeendeadforafewdays.Hecouldn’thavebeentheonecallingyou.

Andhedidn’tcommitsuicide;hewasmurdered.Therewasnobloodatthecrimescene
andthereshould’vebeenalot.”

“Howisthispossible?”
“Antonio’swasjustadroppingsite.We’llhavemoreinformationaftertheautopsy.

Weretrievedhiscellphone.Thephonecalllogforthelastmonthshowsyournumber
wasn’tonthere.”

“But…How?”Ifrown.I’mnotstupid.IknowwhatIsaw.“Thecallswerefromhis

number.SowhowasthemaninahoodIsawyesterday?Whowastheonefollowingus
inthecarandwhoburnedupyourcar?”

“Wedon’tknowyet,April.IthinksomeoneusedLeo’shealthstateandhistrust.

That’sthemostlogicalexplanation.Besides,anysmartphonehasaccesstoanapp
whichhelpsyouchangeyourvoice,hideyournumberandthelocationyou’recalling
from.Thisisn’tthefirstcasewheresomeone’sdonethis.”

“ButhowwereyouabletotrackLeo’scellphonetodayandnotbefore?”
“Becauseheletus.Hewantedustofindhisbody.Hell,heeventoldyouwhereto

look.”

“WhywouldhewanttogetridofLeoifhewassuchgreathelp,orwhydidn’the

continuethisfarce?Hewassuccessful,IbelieveditwasLeo.”Canthisgetanyworse?

“Icanonlyassumehewastiredofhiding.Hewantsyoutoknowwhoheis,thatyou

knowhe’snotLeo.”

“Onething’sstillnotcleartome.Thisappthing…DidheneedLeo’sphonetodivert

thecallstohisphone,orhowdoesthiswork?IfIunderstandcorrectly,thestalkerused
hisownphonetocallmebutusedLeo’snumber?AmIright?”

“Somethinglikethis,yes.Heneededbothphonesandbothphoneshadtohavethe

sameappinstalledsohewasabletocallyouunderadifferentnameandchangehis

voice.”

“Oh,God.Ihadnoideasomethinglikethiswasevenpossible.”Iburymyheadin

myhands.

IremembertherestrainingorderItookoutonLeo.Myheartwastellingmeit

wasn’thim,butreasonprevailed.TherewasnowayIcould’vereacteddifferently.
Jesus,whatamess.

“So,thismeansit’snotoveryet?”Wordsrolloffmytonguewithdifficulty.
“Notyet,I’mafraid.”Jude’shandstrokesmyback.“Leoundoubtedlyknewthe

personwhomurderedhimandisharassingyou.Statisticallyspeaking,inthemajority
ofcases,theperpetratorisafamilymember,afriendoranacquaintance.Doyouhave
anyideawhomightwanttohurthim?”

“Ihavenoclue,Jude.Iswear,Ihaven’teventhoughtaboutit.Leoneverhadmany

friends.Hesuredidmakeenemieswhenhewasdrunkoffhisass,butneveranything
sogravethatwouldprovokesomeonetodosomethingsocruel.Whenhewassober,
hewasaverypleasantpersontobearound.”

“Still,I’mgoingtoneedadetailedlistofpeopleheassociatedwith.”
“Idon’tknoweverybody’snames,Jude.”
“Writedownthoseyoudo.”
“Okay,”Isayquietly,turningmyheadtotheside,reachingforapieceofpaper.
“Listen.I’mgoingtothepolicestationtowaitfortheautopsyreport.Ialsoneedto

gothroughsomethingswiththecops.I’llmakesureIgetbackassoonaspossible.”

“Whataboutme?”Iraisemyheadquestioningly.Idon’twanttobealone,especially

aftertonight’sevents.

“You’llbesafewithJessieandCole.”Iturnandtheretheyare;Ididn’tevennotice

theycamebackintotheroom.

“Okay,buthurry,please.”IknowI’llbesafewithhisbrothers,butI’msousedto

JuderightbymysideIdon’twanthimtoleaveme.

SITTINGONTHEWINDOWSEAT

,I’mstaringoutthewindowintothedarkness,

playingabsentmindedlywiththebraceletJudegaveme.Winterdecidedtoshowits
teethwiththeheavysnowfall.Darkcloudsspreadoverthenightsky.Mymoodisno
differentfromtheweatheroutside.Ican’twrapmyheadaroundthefactthatLeo’s
deadandthathewasn’tresponsiblefortheharassingcalls,e-mailsandthreatsIwas
receiving.Hewasonlyguiltyofbeingadrunkwhomadeiteasyforsomeoneto
manipulatehim.IwonderwhyIwasn’tlisteningtomysixthsenseconstantlytelling
meLeowasn’tcapableofsuchhorribleactions,despitebeinganalcoholic.Ikeep
thinkingifitwouldhavemadeanydifferenceifIdidn’tfilearestrainingorderagainst
him.Wouldhestayandnotdisappearoffthefaceoftheearth?Didheevenrun?God
knowshowlonghe’sbeendead.Didhesuffer?Ican’thelpbuttoblamemyselfforhis
death.Whywasn’tImorepersistentinmakinghimgointotreatment?PerhapsifIhad
triedharder,Icould’veconvincedhimthatheneededhelp.Hewouldn’thavebeenas
pliablethen.Godknowshowdeephefellintoalcoholafterwebrokeup.

“Howareyouholdingup?”Coleasksashekneelsbeforeme,placingacomforting

handonmyknee.

Ishrug,grimacing.Idon’tfeelliketalking,soIdon’tevenlookathim.
“Youhungry?Jessiewentouttograbacoupleofpizzas.He’llbebacksoon.”
“No,thanks.”Ijustwanteverythingtobeoverwith.
“Yougottaputsomefoodinyourbelly.Youhaven’teatensincebreakfast.”
“I’lleatlater,okay?”Igivehimasmallsmile,squeezinghishandthat’sstillresting

onmyknee.

Theresemblancebetweenthethreebrothersisuncanny.Theyallhavehazelnut

brownhair;Jessie’sisthelongest,reachingjustpastthecollarofhisshirtcurling
slightlyattheends,whileColecutshishairveryclosetohisskull,andJude’sfalls
somewhereinbetween,longenoughsoyoucangrabitinafistbutnotlongenoughto
putinaponytail,likeJessietendstodo.Theysharethesamebrilliantgreeneyes.Jessie
andCole’sareslightlylighter,likethecolorofameadowonasunnysummerday,and
Jude’saredarker,likewoodsatsunrise.JessieandColearefreshlyshaven,asopposed
toJude.Iwonderwho’stheeldest?IknowthatJude’sthirty.IfIhadtoguess,I’dsay
Cole’sairofmaturitymakeshimtheoldestandJessie’stheyoungest.They’realltall
andathleticallybuilt;theymustworkoutregularly.Speakingoftakingcareofone’s
body—Idon’trecallthelasttimeIwentforajog.Atthemoment,Idon’tevenfeellike
moving,muchlessrunning.

We’reinterruptedbyaknockonthedoor,followedbyadoorbell;itmustbeJessie,

backwiththepizzas.

“Letmein,Ineedtospeakwithher,”IhearavoiceIrecognizeimmediately.
“Max?”Icallout.
“Inthelivingroom,”IhearColesayfromthefrontdoor.
Maxstormsintheroom,lookingworried,andpullsmeintoabearhug,hishands

comingtightlyaroundmywaist,liftingmeofftheground.

“JudecalledandtoldmeaboutLeo.Areyouokay?”hesayswhenhefinallyputsme

backdown.

“AswellasIcanbe.Istillcan’tbelievehe’sdead.”
“Doyouknowanythingmoreaboutthiswholeordeal?”
“No,onlythathishandwasrippedopen,butyouprobablyalreadyknowthat.”I

giveColeapointedlook.Henodsanddisappearsintothekitchentogiveusmore
privacy.“We’rewaitingforJudetocallassoonasheknowstheresultsoftheautopsy.”

“AretheyabsolutelycertainLeowasn’ttheoneharassingyou?”
“Yes.”
“Whatajumbledmess.”Maxsitsonthecouch,restinghiselbowsonhisknees.He

buriesbothhishandsinhishair.“Thenthere’sstillsomeoneouttheretryingtohurt
you?”

Irubhisback.“Ihavethreestrongmenwatchingoverme.IthinkI’llbefine.”I

paintasmallsmileonmyfacetoeasethetension.“Besides,thehousehasturnedintoa
fortress.Nobodygetsin;hell,it’sevenhardtoleave.Theyinstalledanalarmsystem
andtherearesensorsonallthewindows.”

“Onlythebestformylittlesister.”Finally,Iseeashadowofasmileformingonhis

lips.

“I’mnotlittleanymore,youknow.”
“You’llalwaysbelittletome,youbrat.”Hegivesmeanoogie.

“Grumpypants.”Istickmytongueouttohim.Thetensionhaseasedalittle.
“Iloveyou.”
“Iloveyou,too.”We’restillonthecouch,hugging,whenIrememberJessie

bringingpizzas.“Hey,areyoustaying?Jessie’sgonnagethereanyminutenowwith
food.”

“No,Ihavetogohome.Ihaveanimportantmeetingearlyinthemorning.Ijust

neededtoseeyou.Makesureyou’reokay.Icouldn’tsleepwellifIdidn’tcomeover.”

“How’smysweetEmmydoing?”Imisshersomuch,mylittlepumpkin.
“Shemissesyou.Shewasjustaskingtheotherdaywhenshewillbeabletoseeher

auntieagain.”

“Soon,Ihope.”Isaywistfully.“IsBellamisbehaving?”IhopedIwouldgetmyBella

backnowthatI’mhomeagain,butallthreeO’Rilley’sprefertherearen’tany
distractions,soshe’llhavetostayatmybrother’sforawhileyet.

“Bellawho?”Maxfrownsatme.Aghast,Iopenmymouthtoyellathimwhenhe

startslaughingoutloud.“Youshould’veseenyourface,”hislaughterresoundsaround
theroom.“Yourjawfellonthefloor.”

Inudgehisribs,hard.“Asshole.”
Maxinhalessharply,bendingover,agrinstillplasteredonhisface.“Damn,youhit

hard.”

“Youdeservedit.”Icrossmyarmsovermychest.“So?Bella?”
“Bella’sdoingsplendidly.Emmaisspoilingherrottenandtheysleepinthesame

bedtogethereverynight.Happy?”

“Happy.Sayhitoyourgirlsforme.”Escortinghimtothedoor,wehugonelast

time.

“Iwill.Bye.”ColejoinsusandMaxgiveshimasternlook,noddingonce,wordlessly

instructinghimtowatchovermeorelse.

“I’MGOINGTOBED

,”ItellJude,who’sreadingthecopyofLeo’sautopsyreport.Cole,

JessieandIplayedcardsinthekitchen.Weneededadistraction.WhenJudereturned,
heimmediatelyburiedhimselfinwork.EventhoughIhadthousandsofquestionsI
didn’twanttodisturbhim.Besides,he’sstillangrywithmeforcallingRebecca.

“It’sgettinglate,yes.”Heraiseshisheadtolookatme.Hiseyebrowsaretightly

pinchedtogetherasheglancesathiswristwatch.

“Todaywasintense.I’mbeat,andthenewsaboutLeocompletelythrewmefora

loop.”

“Needcompany?”
“No,Iwouldn’tmindsomealonetime.Besides,you’reworking.”
Withhislipspressedtogether,henods.“Okay,goodnightthen.”
Igivehimagentlesmile,turnonmyheelandheadforthesanctuaryofmy

bedroom,whereIcollapseintobedandthrowcoversovermyface,thenewsabout
Leo’sdeathstillechoinginmyhead.Hewasmurdered.Murdered!Theautopsy
revealedaheavydoseofsedativesinhisbody,buthebledtodeath–thatwasthemain
cause.Hisdeathwaspainful.Itmakesmesickjustthinkingaboutit.Didhereally
knowhiskiller?Whywouldanyoneevenwanttomurderhim?Therearesomany

unansweredquestionsrunningthroughmymind,butoneofthemstandsout—amI
next?OrJude?Itrynottothinkaboutit.IknowIhavepeoplearoundmewho’lldo
anythingtoprotectme,yetthethoughtofthatscarestheshitoutofme.Whatifthe
stalkerindeedhurtssomeoneIcareabout?Iwouldn’tforgivemyselfifthathappened.
Never.

IhadplentyoftimetocomeupwithalistofpeopleLeohungoutwith.Itdidn’t

havemanynamesonitandIdon’tthinkanyoneonthatlistcould’vekilledLeo.Igave
ittoJude,whopasseditontothepolice.They’llstartcheckingthenamesfirstthingin
themorning.Thisisnolongerastalkingcasenow—it’sturnedintoamurder,whichis
much,muchmoreserious.

THIRTEEN

Jude

THECLOCKSTRUCK

midnightawhileagoandI’mstillstaringattheautopsyreport.

Leo’sbeenapparentlydeadforthepastweek.Idon’tknowwherethekillercould’ve
hiddenhimforsolong,andthequestionis,why?Whatdidhebenefitfromthat?Why
wasLeo’sbodyfilledwithsedatives?Didthekillerneedthemtokeephimunderhis
control?Andwhytoday,ofalldays,togetridofhim?Ialsodon’tunderstandthe
murderweapon—whynotjustusetheknifeheusedonhisarmtokillhim?Whycut
hisarteryandjustleavehimtobleed?Didhewanthimtosuffer?Thedumpingspot
wasclean,thekillerleftnotraces—CSIcouldn’tfindanyblood,exceptLeo’s,ofcourse,
norhairorfiber.

IhearColeandJessieinthekitchen.Iassumethey’vegottenboredwithcardsand

they’regoingtobedaswell.IshouldfollowsuitifIwanttogetanysleep,butthiscase
won’tgivemepeace.Averydifficultdayisaheadofus.EventhoughMaxhiredmeto
protectApril,nottofindthestalker,Ican’tjustsitheredoingnothing.I’llfindthe
motherfuckereventhoughthatmeansputtingmyselfingravedanger.AndI’llstart
withthenamesonApril’slist.Thereareonly10listed,butit’sastart.

“Jessiewenttobed?”IaskColewhenheentersthelivingroom.Iletthemhavethe

guestroomandtookthecouchmyself.It’smoreconvenientforme,asIhaveabetter
viewoverthehousefromthisposition.

“Yes.Andyoushouldgetsomesleep,too,bro.”
“Iwill.Ijustneedtofinishthis,”Iassurehim.
“Wewouldn’twantyoutoburnout.You’vebeenonyourfeetthewholeday.Goget

somerest.”Hesqueezesmyshouldertightly.

“HowcanIgetanyrestifthere’salunaticoutthereontheloose?”
“Justsayingman.Youneedtorest,too.How’sAprildoing?”
“Totellyouthetruth,Ihavenoidea.”Ireallydon’t.Ihaven’ttalkedtohersinceI

lefttogotoAntonio’s.First,Iwassopissedatherforcallingherfriendandthenallhell
brokelooseandIdidn’tgettheopportunity.

“Youlikeher,don’tyou?”Takinghishandfrommyshoulder,hejoinsmeonthe

couch.

“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout,”Itellhimoffandstartshufflingthepapers

onthecoffeetable,knowingwhathe’saimingat.

“Iseethewayyoulookather.Iseeitinyoureyes.”
“You’redelusional.She’saclient.”AndIdon’thookupwithclients.
“Ihaven’tseenyoulookingatanyofyourotherclientsthewayyoumoonoverher.

Butgoahead,keeppullingwooloveryoureyes.”

“You’rewrong,”Iexclaimthroughclenchedteeth.
“Yousureaboutthat?Everytimeyoulookatheryoureyessparklelikefrigging

diamondsandyouuseeveryopportunitytotouchher.I’mnotblind,Jude.Iknowyou
won’tadmitit,buteveryidiotcanseeshe’sgottenunderyourskin.”

Gottenundermyskin…Ifonlyheknew…
“Theonlyidiothereisyou!You’reimaginingthings.There’snothinggoingon

betweenus,okay?”Atleast,notanymore.

“Ifyousayso…”Hegetsup,readytoleave.
Iclenchmyjaw.“Whatisthatsupposedtomean?Justgoandletmework.”
“Fine,I’llgo.It’sjustthatwedon’tknowhowmuchtimewehaveleft,soit’s

importanttotakechances.Ittakesasecond,amoment,andyoucanloseeverything.
So,ifIwereyou,I’denjoyeverysinglemoment,seizeeverydamndayandnotwaste
mytimewithmystubbornness.”

Irealizehe’stalkingabouthisfiancéeBree.Threeyearsago,shecommittedsuicide.

Nobodyknewshewasdepressed–sheappearedhappyandcheerfulontheoutside,but
ontheinside,itwaseatingheralive.Shecouldn’thandleherdemonsanymoresoshe
swallowedsomepills.WhenColecamehomefromworklateatnighthefoundherin
thebed,unmoving.Itwastoolate.

“Nothing’sgoingonbetweenus.Youcansavethetimewehaveleftspeech,yada

yada,yada,forsomeoneelse.”We’rejustproducinghugeamountsofrepressedsexual
energy.Hugeamounts.Andthat’sit.

“Fine,”heshrugsandstartstowalk.
“Isleptwithher,okay?”Thatstopshiminhistracks.
“Youdidwhat?”hesayscalmly.“When?”
“ItwasalongtimeagowhenIwasinNewYorkonbusiness.Wemetinabarand

slepttogether.Itwassupposedtobeaone-nightstand.”

“Wow,”Colerubshisjaw.“Iknewtherehadtobesomething.”
“Yes,wow,”Irepeatsarcastically.“That’swhyI’mtellingyouyouhavenoideawhat

you’resaying.”

“Howdidshereactwhensherecognizedyou?”
“Shewasshocked.Webothwere,”Ishrug.
“Well,still,youhavethehotsforher,nodoubtaboutit,nomatterhowmuchyou’re

denyingit.”

“MaybeIjustwanttofuckherbrainsoutagaintogetheroutofmysystem.”
“Nope,”heshakeshishead.“Youreallylikeher.Butbecauseofthatstupidruleof

yoursyouwon’tadmitittoyourself.Youknow,clientsareuntouchableandallthat
shit.”Afterthat,hedisappearsaroundthecorner.Iburymyheadintomyhandsand
takeadeepbreath.He’swrong.Idon’tlikeher.She’sannoying.Shepissesmeoffall

thetime.Right?

Insteadofgoingstraighttobed,Itakeashowerfirst.I’mfulloftensionandIcan’t

seemtogetridofit.Turningtheshoweron,Iletthewaterdropletscoolmyheated
skin.Ileanonehandonthepeach-coloredtilesandfistmyrock-harderectioninthe
other.Droppingmyheadinecstasy,IclosemyeyesandpictureApril’sdevilishsmile
andhersin-worthybody.I’mjerkingofffast,movingmyhandfromtheroottothetip
ofmydick,andwithoutrealizingit,myhipsjoinin.I’mimaginingAprildressedina
shortskirtandhighheels.Shepullsdownherpanties,walkingtowardmewith
purposefulstride.I’msittinginachair,takingherin.Withoutaword,sheunbuckles
mybelt,thebuttononmypantsfollowsrightafter.Ihelpherbyliftingmyhipssoshe
canpullmypantsoffalongwithmyboxers.Thewholetimeshedoesn’tbreakeye
contactandshecan’tseemtostoplickingherlusciouslips.Sheturnsaround,herback
tome,andliftsherskirtupgivingmeaviewofhersplendidbutt.Shespreadsherlegs,
grabsmydickandslowlysitsdownonit.Weletoutmoansofpleasureandmyhands
reachuptograbahandfulofherfullbreasts,kissingherneck,hershouldersanddown
herspine.Rightbeforeshecomesshethrowsherheadback,herlong,curlyhair
ticklingmystomach.

I’mpumpingfasterandfaster,moreimpatientwitheverypassingminute,andIfeel

mymusclesclenchatthethoughtofherorgasmingaroundme.Icomehard,harder
thanever,whichexplainsmygaspingforair.Makingafistwiththehandonthetiles,I
focushardnottoscreamoutinecstasywhenIfinallycome.AssoonasIfeellike
myselfagain,IfinishmyshowerandpraythatintenseanimalattractionIfeelforher
willsoonpass.Ithasto.Itwill.

Iputmyblackboxerbriefsonandquicklybrushmyteeth.Readyforbed,Iwalk

intothelivingroom,butIstopinmytrackswhenIhearahorrifiedscreamcoming
fromApril’sroom.Withouthesitation,Igrabmygun.Runningtoherroom,Idon’t
evenbotherknocking,Ijustswingthedooropen,readyforbattle.It’snotascenarioI
thoughtI’dseewhenIenter.Aprilisinbed,tearsstreamingdownherface.She’s
huggingherkneestoherchest,herbacktotheheadboard.There’snooneelseinthe
room.Sheprobablyhadanightmare.

“Iseverythingokay?”ColeandJessierunintotheroomafterme,eyesheavywith

sleep.

“Yes,itwasjustabaddream.Gobacktobed.”
“Okay,”theynodinunison.Coleliftsaneyebrowatme,givingmealook.Alook

onlymyolderbrothercangive,sayingI’mfullofshitfornotadmittingmyfeelingsfor
her.

IjoinAprilonthebed.Herforehead’ssweatywithstrandsofhairstickingtoit.I

softlybrushthemawaysoIcanseeherfacebetterandrunmyhanddownthelength
ofherhair.Notsurewhattosay,Ijustsitbyhersideinsilence,ashouldertoleanonif
sheneedsit.

“Idreamtamantookmeandburiedmealiveinawoodenbox.Icouldn’tbreathe.I

triedscratchingmywayout,andrightbeforeItookmylastbreath,Iwokeup.”She’s
stillshakinginmyhands.

“Shh,itwasjustanightmare.You’resafe.”Idon’tevenrealizewe’resocloseuntil

mynosebrusheshercheek.Shethrowsherarmsaroundme,lookingforcomfort.

Whenshefinallyletsgo,herbigblueeyesstareupatme.Apale,sadsmileplaysonher
lips.

“I’msorryforwakingyouup.”
“Iwasn’tasleepyet.AndevenifIwere,youshouldn’tworryaboutit.”Shenods,her

headfallingtoherchest.Iclearmythroat.“Youmustbeexhausted.I’llleaveyoutogo
backtosleep.”Slowly,Igetup,butshegrabsmywristatthelastmoment.

“Jude,couldyou…Umm...Idon’twanttobealone.”
Herbeggingeyesarepleadingwithmenottoleave.Idon’tknowifI’mmoreupset

withthevulnerabilityonherfaceorthefactIcan’ttakemyeyesoffherwetlips.Inod
withoutthinking,joinherandwrapmyhandsaroundherwhenshecuddlesintome,
herbacktomyfront.Mysensesareoverflowingwithherscent.Notsurethatwasa
goodidea.Itrynottogiveasecondthoughttothefactshe’sfirmlyplasteredagainst
me,herwarmlegsintertwinedwithmine,herasspressedagainstmycrotch.Ireally
hopeshedoesn’tnoticehowmuchthispositionaffectsmycock.Down,boy,now’snot
thetimeforthis!

April

I’MHOT

.Reallyhot.I’veneverfeltthishotbefore.Tryingtomove,butamnotableto

turnaround.I’mtrappedbetweentwostrong,manlyhands.Iopenmyeyesin
surprise,unmovingnow.Slowly,Iturnmyhead,soIwouldn’twakeuptheownerof
thesefine,muscledarms.

Jude.
Whatthehellishedoinghere?
Whenthesleepyfoginmybrainclears,Irememberaskinghimtostaywithme.I

neverfiguredhe’dstaythewholenight.Iexpectedhimtoreturntohiscouchthe
secondIwasasleep;thecouchhechoseinsteadofarealbedinoneoftheotherguest
rooms.HeawakensfeelingsinmeIthoughtwerelonggone,dangerousfeelings.They
coulddestroyme.Idon’tknowifI’mreadyforthat.Idon’twanttohavefeelingsfor
him.Toobadmybrainhaslittleinfluenceinthematterwithmyfoolishheartskipping
abeateverytimehelooksatmewiththatfireinhiseyes.Orit’sjustmysillyhormones
imaginingit.HeckifIknew.Ipressmybackintohiswarmth.Justforamoment,Itell
myselfasI’mlisteningtohisslowandsteadybreathing.Itfeelssogood.Suddenly,I
hearhisbreathingbecomeshallowandsomethinghardpressesagainstmylowerback.
ItwouldbestupidtopretendIdidn’tknowhewasup…andawake,soIslowlyturn
around.There’sastorminhiseyes.

“You’reawake,”Iblurt.Waytogo,April,howveryobservantofyou.ButIwascaught

offguardandIcouldn’tjustkeepstaringathim.Nowthatwouldbeembarrassing.

“Mhm,”hesayslazily,andIlickmydrylips.
“Forawhile?”Myeyesdroptohismouth.
“Notreally.”

“Ishouldgetup,”Isayconversationallyeventhoughthat’sthelastthingIwantto

do.

“Mhm,”Judeagrees.Heslideshishanddownmyforearm,myeyesfollowingthe

movement,hiseyesfollowingmine.Istarttinglingallover.“Ishouldgetuptoo.ButI
don’twantto,”hewhispers.Hiseyesturnpredatory,darkandintense,andI’m
beginningtomelt.

“NeitherdoI,”Iwhisper,lickingmylips.Iputmyhandtohisface,tracingmy

thumboverhisunshavencheek,andIstopwhenIreachhislips.Heopenshismouth
slightly,inhalingdeep,andgentlybitesme.Asilentmoanescapesmythroat.Jesus.He
hasn’tevenkissedmeyetandI’malreadyrunningoutofbreath.Iwonderwhat’sto
comenext.

“What’sonyourmind?”Hishandisstillstrokingmyarmpainfullyslowlyandhis

touchissendingwavesofpleasureintothemostsensitivepartsofmybody.

“Ithinkyouknow,”Ibreathe.OnesparkandI’malreadyonfire.
“Iwanttohearyousayit.”Thistimehisfingerstillsonmyarm.
“I…Iwanttofeelyouinsideme.Iwantyoutoburyyourselfsodeepinsideme,I’ll

beabletofeelyoufordaystocome.Ijust…wantyou.Please.”Ineedtofeelhimone
lasttime.Justonetime.Hiswarmbreathiscaressingmyear;anarmyofbutterflies
eruptsinmystomach.

“You’resosexywhenyoubeg,”hewhispersintomyear.“Idon’tknowhowyou’re

doingit,butwhenI’maroundyou…Jesus,Ican’tcontrolmyself.”Hislipstouchthe
cornerofmineandmynipplesgetpainfullyhard.Hegentlypushesme,soI’mlyingon
myback,andheclimbsontopofme,hishotgazeburningholesinme.Iwrapmylegs
aroundhiships,impatientlybucklingmyhips,whichbringsagrinonhisface.

“Slowdown,woman.”
“I’mnotpatientwhenI’maroundyou.Youshouldknowthatalready.”My

breathinggetsharder.Asparkleappearsinhiseyesandhislipstakemineinasearing
kiss,roughandraw.Hetakeshistimeexploringmymouth,andI’mstartingtoget
dizzy.Dizzyfromallthefeels.

“MyGod,”hebreathesinbetweenkisses.“Yourlipsarepuremagic.”
“Please,Ineedyou.”WhendidIturnintoabeggingmess?Getagrip,April.Ipush

himoffmeandstraddlehiminonequickswoop,pullingmypajamasovermyhead.
Better.Ineedtobeincontrol.Sincehewenttobedwithoutashirton,Icanadmirehis
muscledchest,myfingersslidingdownhissun-kissedskin,feelinghisharderection
againstmycore.Iwigglemyhips,givingintothesensationsitbrings.

“You’regoingtodestroyme,”hemoans.Spreadinghisfingersaroundtheglobesof

mybreasts,hesitsup,hismouthlatchingontomybreast,lickingmynipple,biting
down.Suddenly,hegrabsafistfulofmyhair,wrapsitaroundhiswristandpullsmy
headback.Yes!Hiskissesmoveontomythroat,uptomychin,capturingmymouth
withhis,andmylipsmeethiswithequalfervor.HewigglesuntilI’moffhimandhe
kneelsonthebed,makingmepout.Imisshisfirmbodypressedhardagainstmine.He
givesmeaboyishgrin,showingoffhiswhiteteeth,reachingforhisboxers.I’mso
readytoseehimagain.Bringiton!OrshouldIsaybringitoff?Whatever,justget
naked.

Myeyestakehimin,finally;naked,inallhisglory,andI’mdevouringhimwithmy

eyes,yearningforhisbodyoverme,insideme.Ifthisisn’toneofthebestsightsI’ve
everhadthepleasureofseeing…Hewrapshishandaroundhishardmember,running
itdownthelengthofhimafewtimes.Ilickmylips,wantingtodothesame.

“April,”hesays,watchingmeintently.“Taketherestofyourpajamasoff.”
“Mhm,”Imanagetosay.Justdothatsomemore.Yes,rubit,likethat.Actually,

don’t;Iwanttodothat.

“April,”herepeats,louderthistime.
“Yeah?”
“Isaidstrip,”heinstructs,hisvoicegruffandfullofdarkdesire.
“Oh,sorry,yeah.”Igetuptomyknees,too,andslowlytaketherestofmypajamas

off,tryingtobesexywhiledoingit.Myeyesdon’tleavehisforasecond.Ithrowmy
pantiesathimoncethey’reoff,too.Judecatchesthem,pressingthemagainsthisface,
inhalingdeeply.

“Jesus,yousmellamazing,”hebreathes.Likethepredatorheishelungestoward

me,makingmegigglewhenwelandonthebedandbouncesoftly.Jude’sgrinning,too.
“You’resoincrediblybeautifulwhenyoulaugh,”hesays.Thewayhesaysitmakesme
meltunderhim.Hekissesme,thistimetakinghistime,andIcanfeelhiskissdeep
insideme.Hislipstracealinedownmythroat,overmybreasts,andslowlydownmy
belly.Hepushesmylegsapartsohecannestlehimselfinbetweenmythighs.Mybody
isbuzzingwithneed.

“I’vewantedtotasteyouagaineversinceIsawyoustandinginMax’skitchen,half

nakedandsobeautiful,”heconfesses.I’dbelyingifIsaidIwasn’tthinkingaboutit,
too.Multipletimes.

“Please,”Imoan,liftingmyhipsinanticipation.
Hisbeardscratchestheinsideofmythighs,teasingmeandmakingmewetter,and

histonguegentlyrunningovermyentranceeversobriefly.

“Ineedmore,please.”Heturnsmeintoawantonwomaneverytime.
“Whatdoyouneed?”Ifeelhisbreathoverme.
“Yourmouthonme,”Isay,feelingnoshame.“You.”
Hegivesmeacockysmile,butdoesasIasked.Ifeelapleasurableheatspreading

throughoutme,andeverythingbutus,hereandnow,ceasestoexist.Igrabafistfulof
thesheetbeneathmeandarchmybackwhilehismouthisexpertlyworkingmy
sensitivenub.Itdoesn’ttakelongbeforeIfeelthefirstwavesofpleasure.Theykeepon
comingandcoming.Ican’tstopmoaning,callingoutJude’sname,andwhenIfinally
returnfromthecloudsItakeadeepbreath.

“Thatwas…heavenly,”Imoan,andJudegivesmeasatisfiedgrin,kissingmynow

drylipssoIcantastemyselfonhislips.

“Weneedcondoms.Rightnow,Ican’ttakeitanymore.Ineedtoburymyselfdeep

insideyourpussy.”

“Nightstand,”Inodtotheright.Judereachesovertoopenthetopdrawer,pulling

outacondom,rippingitopenwithhismouth,“Allowme,”Ismileupathimandtake
thecondomoutofhishands.Irollitupthelengthofhiscock.Hisfeverishlookis
promisingmeawildride.

Judepresseshiscockagainstmycore,drippingwetandmorethanreadyforhim.
“Oh,fuck,”hemoansasheburieshimselftothehiltinsideme.“Evenbetterthan

lasttime,”hebreathes,hisvoicelowandintense.Iwon’targuewiththat.Waybetter.
Slowlyhe’sslippinginandoutofme.Iwrapmylegstightlyaroundhiships,matching
hisrhythmandjoininghisthrustswithmine.FeelingsIcan’tdescribeareoverflowing
mybody.Sweatisdrippingoffourbodiesaswe’renearingourecstasyandhesuddenly
slipsoutofme,turningmearoundsoI’monallfoursinfrontofhim.Heburieshimself
deepinsidemeagainthenextsecond.Bothofhishandsreachmyhair,wrappingthe
lengthofitaroundhisleftwrist,grabbingmyhipwithhisotherhand.Hepullsmyhair
roughlyenoughtofeelmorepleasurethanpainandpullsmyheadbackward,making
meevenhotterforhim.

“Harder,”Imoan.“Faster.”
“Idon’twanttohurtyou.”
“Youwon’t.Ireallyneedyou,”Ibeghim.Mywordsseemtobreakhisresolveand

hetakesmehard,roughanditfeelsbetterthananythingI’vefeltbefore.Hebringsme
righttotheedgeofmyorgasm,andthenover,asthewavesofpleasurecarrymeinto
thebliss.Ihearhimgroanloudlywhenhejoinsme.Wefallonthemattress,
exhausted,gaspingforair.

WhenIfeellikeI’veregainedallmysenses,IturntofaceJudewho’sstillpanting

besideme.Iburymyheadinhissweatythroat,tracinglittlecirclesonhissmooth
chest.Ifeelrejuvenated,likeI’vejustcamedownfromheaven.Ialsocan’thelpbutto
thinkabouttheconsequencesofouractions.Thiswilldefinitelychangeour
relationship.Relationship.Thereisnorelationship,April,justlust.Wejusthadsex.
AmazingsexifImaysay,butsexnon-theless.There’snothingwrongwiththat.Wecan
totallydoitagainsometime.Judedoesn’tseemlikeaguyforlong-termrelationships
andI’mnotreadyforoneyet.Sex?Yes,definitely,butnotarelationship.Ithinkwe
bothagree.

“You’resoquiet,”hewhispersintomyear.
“Isthatsosurprising?Youdestroyedme,”Iforceasmile.Idon’twanthimthinking

Iregretit.WhichIdon’t.

“Yousaidyouwanttofeelmeinsideyoufordaystocome.IjustdidwhatIwas

told,”hesayswithacockygrin,hisfingerstracingthelengthofmythroat.Ifinally
collectthecouragetolookathim.

“Icansafelysaythatwasunforgettable.”
“Thankfuck.Ihavetoadmit,youbruisedmyegobackwhenwemetatMax’s,

whenyousaidyoudidn’trememberournight.Woman,Iwantednothingmorethanto
remindyouofthepleasureswesharedthatnight,sincethen.”

Imovetoclimboffthebed.Judegrabsmywristandgivesmeaquestioninglook.
“Whereareyougoing?”
“Ineedtotakeashower.I’mallsweatyandsticky.”Iscrunchupmynose.
Hepullsmetohim,huggingmetightly.“You’renotgoinganywhere.”Hestarts

showeringkissesallovermyneck.“Ilikeyousweatyandsticky.Besides,I’mnotdone
withyouyet.”

“You’renot?Mybodysaysdifferently,”Iraiseaneyebrowinlaughter.Ihurtinall

therightplaces.

“WasItoorough?”Ihearworryinhisvoice.Igivehimafierceshakeofmyhead,

tracingmyfingeroverhiswrinkledforehead.

“Notatall.It’sjustthatit’sbeenawhilesinceI…Youknow.”LeoandIstopped

havingsexalongtimebeforewesplit.

“Youneedtorest,”Judesaysfirmly.Ibitemylip.EventhoughIwouldn’tmind

roundtwo,Ifeelweneedtoslowthingsdown.

“Whydon’tyoutakeashowerandI’llmakeussomethingtoeatinthemeanwhile?”
“Thatsoundsmarvelous.”Ismileathim,pressingakisstohismouth.Ishould’ve

expectedhimtograbthenapeofmyneckanddeepenthekiss.Ireturnthekisswith
equalpassion.

“Shower!”Hepointshisfingertothebathroom.“Ifyoudon’tgetoffthebedright

thissecond,I’mnotresponsibleformyactions.”

Iwinkcheekilyathim,andheslapsmybottom,makingmegiggle.
“Soperfect,”hegrumblesasI’mwalkingtothebathroom.

JUDEDOESN’TNOTICE

whenIgettothekitchen,leaningonthedoorframe.Myeyes

arewatchinghim,dressedonlyinapairofsweats,movingaroundmykitchen
effortlessly,preparingbreakfast.Hishairismessyfromsleepandourintenseworkout.
Helookscompletelycontentwhichbringsasmiletomyface.Ifeelthesame.I
shouldn’t,butIdo.Icouldeasilygetusedtowatchinghimdancearoundmykitchen,
makingmefoodandthenfeedingme.Icouldgetusedtous.Andthatfreaksmethe
hellout.Ishouldn’tbethinkingthat.ButIsowanthimagain.Twocoffeesarewaiting
onthecounter,smellingdelicious.Oneofthemispracticallyscreamingmyname.

“Hungry?”Judeasksasheturnstome,holdingapanwithscrambledeggsand

cheese.Ibitemylowerlip,eyeinghim.Yes,hungry,butnotforfood.It’sonlybeenhalf
anhoursincehe’sbeeninsideme.Jesus,April.Getagrip.

“WhereareColeandJessie?”Ididn’tevenrealizetheyweregoneuntilInoticed

thereareonlytwoplatesonthetable.

“Jessieneededtogobackhome.Hehasanewcasewaitingandhecan’tdelayit

anymoreandCole’sjustlefttogotothepolicestationwithyourcar.Ihopeitdoesn’t
botheryou.”Hefillstheplateswithfoodandputsthepaninthesink.

“Notatall.”Hiscarwasruinedinafire,sonaturallyhecanuseminefromnowon.

“So,we’reallalonenow?”Ifluttermyeyelashesathim,bitingmylowerlip.

“Yup.”Heputshishandsaroundmywaistandkissesme.We’restandinginmy

kitchen,barefoot,completelyimmersedintoeachother.“Weshouldstop,”hesays,
slightlyoutofbreath.

Ipursemylips,disagreeingwithhim.“Wedon’thaveto,”Itellhim.
“Youneedtoeat.I’veexhaustedyou.”
“Wecaneatlater,”IsayasIpushmyhipsintohis,feelinghiserectionpressup

againstme.God,hemakesmefeelinsatiable.Didn’tIjusttellmyselfweneedtotake
thingsslow?

“You’rekillingme,youknowthat?”hesaysashegrabsmybutt.“Eat!”
Ileanoverthetable,grabafork,andwhenIswallowaforkfulofmyscrambled

eggs,Iexclaim:“There.Iate.Happynow?Canwecontinuewhereweleftoffjust
momentsago?”

Hechuckles.“You’rereallysomethingspecial,youknowthat?”

“Well,whenIknowwhatIwant,Idon’thidemyintentions.Andrightnow,Ineed

yourattentionsouthofmywaist.”

Judeswallowshard.“Woman,areyoutryingtokillme?”
“No,justgetyouinbed.Oristhataproblem?DoIneedtogetmyvibrator?”Iraise

aneyebrow,regardinghimwithlaughterinmyeyes.“Toooldtokeepup?”

“I’llshowyouold.”Hegrabsmyhair,pullingmyheadback,andmybodyeruptsin

goosebumps.Wegetlostinthewildpassionweshare.Judekissesmehungrily,lifting
meupbymybutt,dumpingmeonthekitchentable.Ileanmyheadtothesidetogive
himbetteraccesstomythroat.

“You’resodelicious,April.Sweetashoney,”hemuttersbetweenkisses.Hisright

handslidesundermytank,findingbybreast.Ididn’tbotherwithabraafterI
showeredandI’mgladIdidn’t.Thesweats,ridinglowonhiships,areintheway.I
wanthimnaked.JustasIgrabthebandtopullthemoff,Ihearafuriousvoicebehind
us.

“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”
Max.
Hesoundsandlooksfurious,lightningboltsshootingoutofhiseyes.
“Shit,”Judecursesandadjustshissweats.
“Damn,”Ijoinin.WehurrytogetourclothesinorderandItrytocombthrough

myhairwithmyhands,asit’sstickingineverydirection.

“Whatareyoudoingwithmysister?”Maxyells.He’spracticallyfuming.I’venever

seenhimsoangrybefore.Hetakesthreelongstridesuntilhe’sstandinginfrontof
Jude,almosttouchingchests,andhepuncheshim.Judeclencheshisjawbutdoesn’t
react,standinginplace,regardingMaxwithamixtureofannoyanceandworry.Max
won’tstop.HepouncesonJudeandIquicklyjumpbetweenthembeforeanyonegets
hurt.

“Max,youneedtostop.”
“Youfucker!Isthathowyouprotectmysister?Byfuckingher?”heyellsatJude

acrossmyshoulder.

“Max,that’senough.Calmdown.”WhyisJudejuststandingthere?
“ThehellIwill.”I’mholdingmyarmsouttostopMax,buthe’sintentongettinghis

handsonJude,soIgivehimashoveback.

“Doyouevenhavetimetolookforhergoddamnstalkerorareyoutoobusy

fuckingmysister?”

“Enough!You’reinmyhouseandIwon’tallowsuchbehavior.Ifyoudon’tcalm

down,there’sthefrontdoor,”Itellhimfirmly.Maxlooksatmewitheyeswideopen,
breathingdeeply,andhescratcheshisjaw.

“Fine,butgetthatmotherfuckeroutofmysight,”hepointsafingeratJude.
“He’snotgoinganywhere,”Itellhim.
“Max,it’snotwhatyouthink,”Judefinallyspeaks.
“It’snot?So,youweren’tjustabouttofuckmysister,righthere,onthekitchen

table?”

“No.Yes,”Judegetsconfused.“Youdon’tknowme.Youdon’tknowwhatI’mlike.”
“No?Irememberyoufromourcollegedays,screwingwomenleftandright,anew

pieceofmeatinyourbedeveryweek.You’renotfoolingme.”

“Yeah,Max,incollege.Also,pasttense.I’mnolongertheguyyouknewbackthen.”
“Ha.Itdidn’tlooklikethattomewhenyouhadheronthekitchentable.”
“Max,stayoutofourbusiness.JudeandIaregrown-ups.Weknowwhatwe’re

doing,”Itellhim.

“April,you’remakingaseriousmistake.”
“Thenit’smyproblem,Max,notyours.”
“I’vehadenough.”Maxholdshishandsup,walkingbackwardtothefrontdoor.“I

can’tlookatyouanymore.”

“Max,”Judetriestoreasonwithmybrother.Takingastepforward,Maxflipshim

off,shakinghishead.Heslamsthefrontdoorshutbehindhim.

“Leavehim,”IsayasIhugJudewhoseemsmorethanalittledistraught.“He’ll

comearoundoncehecoolsdown.”

“Idoubtthat.”
“Whywereyoujuststandingtherewhenheattackedyou?”Iexpectedhimtoat

leastfightMaxoffifnotkickhisass,givenhisstrengthandcapabilities.

“Maxjustsawhislittlesisterhookingupwithamanwhowassupposedtobe

protectingher.IfIwereinhisshoes,I’dreactthesame.Ihadnorighttofighthim.”He
slideshishanddownmyspineandhehugsmetightlytohischest,pressingasoftkiss
tomyforehead.Hethenintertwineshisfingerswithmineandsqueezesgently.We
standthereforGodknowshowlong,anditfeelsjustperfect.Tooperfect.

FOURTEEN

Jude

FIRSTTHING

inthemorningColetoldmedadcalledhimtorecruithimforafraudcase

he’dbeenworkingonforthepastfewdays,andsoit’sjustmeandAprilagain.I’mnot
tooexcitedbybothmybrothersleavingsosoononeafteranother,butit’spartofour
jobandI’vegottenusedtoit.I’llhavetohandlethecaseonmyownwhich,tome,
posesnoissueasI’musuallyworkingalone,butextrahelpwouldbemorethan
welcome.

Thedaypassedwithoutincidents;we’restillinaone-wayalley.AprilandIdecided

tospendthewholedayinbed.Ican’tgetenoughofher;Igethardevenatthethought
ofher.Ifeellikeateenageragain.

We’reinthemiddleofdinner,Aprilsmilingtoherselffromtheothersideofthe

table,onelegtuckedbeneathherass,holdingupabowlofchickensaladwithyoghurt
dressing.She’signoringthehungrylooksI’vebeengivingher,focusedsolelyonthe
fullplatterbeforeher.Idon’tmind—ittookmehourstoconvincehertoleavethebed
andgrabsomethingtoeatToday’smarathonmust’veleftherstarving.Hell,I’m
starving.

Thepeacefuldinnerisinterruptedbymyphoneringing,comingfromtheliving

room.IputmyforkdownandwalktothecoffeetablewhereIleftit.

“Yes?”IanswerwhenIseethealreadyfamiliarCaptain’sphonenumberflashingon

thescreen.

“Jude,canyoudropbythestation?WefoundsomethingthatcouldleadustoMs.

Brookes’stalker.”Athiswords,Istandupstraighter.

“Seriously?”It’sabouttime.
“CanIexpectyouhereinhalfanhour?”
“Yes,I’llbethere.”
Itakearelievedbreath.April’sstandinginthelivingroomdoor,hershouldertothe

doorframe,holdingaglassoforangejuiceobservingme.

“Goodnews?”
“Great,actually.ItwastheCaptain,callingtoinformmetheyfoundsomeevidence

thatcouldleadustoyourstalker.”

April’sfacebrightensupinstantly.“Really?”
“Yeah,butIhavetogetdowntothestation.”Ipickherofftheground,spinningher

aroundandplacingakissbetweenherbreasts.MysmilefalterssoonafterIremember
Ican’tleaveheraloneinthehouse.“You’regoingtohavetocomewithme.”

“Why?Can’tIstayhere?”shepouts.“Youtoldmeyourselfthishouseisnowan

impenetrablefortress.Ifeellikeahelplesschildwhoneedsconstantsupervision.Go,
I’llwaitrighthereforyou.I’llwashthedishesandstartreadingagoodbook.You’llbe
backinnotime.”

“Yousure?”
“Ofcourse,”shenods.Igiveherakiss.
“Okaythen.Lockthedoorbehindmeanddon’tforgettoturnthealarmon.You

activateitbypressingthisbuttonandtheredlight’sgonnaturnon.”Iknowshealready
knowshowtodoallthisbutIcanneverbetoocareful.“Yourememberthecode,
right?”Idon’tlikeleavingheralone,butasshedoesn’twanttocomewithme,I’mleft
withnootherchoice—Ineedtoseethelatestevidencethatcouldbringuscloserto
capturingthestalker.

“Yes.It’snotthathardtoremember.”WhenColeandJessieinstalledthealarm

system,shehadtopickafour-digitcodethatshe’dbeabletorememberinany
situation.ShechosetheyearofMax’sbirthday,butbackwards.

“I’llberightback.”
“I’llbehere,waiting.”

TINGLINGWITHEXPECTATION

,Iparkthecarinfrontofthepolicestation,lockingthe

doorbehindme.IgreetOfficerWestattheentrance,whoisquitestereotypically
stuffinghimselfwithdonuts.

“HeyO’Rilley,nicetoseeyouagain.Whatbroughtyouhere?Haveanythingnew

forus?”

“No,actuallytheCaptaincallednotlongago,askingmetomeethimhere.Ishein

there?”Inodtowardthedirectionofhisoffice.

Westgivesmeafunnylook,swallowshisdonutandshakeshishead.
“He’snothereHewenthomeanhourago.”
“Home?Buthetoldmetodropby.”
“Youprobablymisunderstoodhim.Perhapshewastalkingabouttomorrow

afternoon?”

“No,Iheardhimcorrectly.”Iturnaside,rubbingmyneck.“Whywouldhetellme

tocomehereifhe’dalreadyleft?Thatdoesn’tmakeanysense.”Suddenly,Igetasick
feelinginmystomachasIrememberApril’shomealone.Whatifthiswasatrap?Has
thestalkermanagedtotrickme?Buthow?Ipullmycellphoneoutofmypocketand
callApril’snumber,tappingmyfootnervouslyonthefloor,waitingtohearhervoice
whichwouldbetheonlythingtocalmmedown.Butthephonekeepsringingand
ringing.“Fuck!”Iyell.

“Issomethingwrong,O’Rilley?”
“Doyouhaveanypatrolcarshere?”

“Yes,why?”
“IneedyoutosendofficerstoApril’shouse.Now!”Heknowsheraddressbynowso

Idon’tneedtogivehimadditionalinfo.Hemovesquickly,calling“Deal!”overhis
shoulderashedisappearsaroundthecorner.Idon’twastetime.Idrivelikeamaniac
throughthedarkstreetsofBoston.Justmyluck—almosteverystoplightisblinkingred
atmeandI’msoworriedaboutAprilIfeellikeI’mabouttothrowup.Ihaveabad
feelinginmygut;I’mafraidwhatmightbewaitingformeatthehouse.Fortunately,I
don’thavetowaitlong.WhenIdriveupApril’sdriveway,Iseeallthelightsinthe
houseareoutandmybadfeeling’sgettingworsebytheminute.Pullingagunoutof
thewaistholster,Imovetothefrontdoorwithcaution.“April?”Iyell,butIgetno
response.WhenIgrabthefrontdoorhandle,I’msurprisedthedoorislocked.Iwalk
aroundthehousetocheckthewindowsandtrytoseeifthere’ssomethinggoingon
inside.It’stooquiet.Eerilyquiet.ThemoonisgivingmeenoughlightsoIcanseethe
brokenwindowinoneoftheguestroomsinthebackofthehouse.Mystomach
clenchesupinknots.“April?”Itryagain.Ireturntothefrontdoor,pulloutmysetof
keysandunlockthedoor,openingthemquietlyandcarefully.Whyisthealarmturned
off?Ihavenoideawhat’swaitingformeinside,butIneedtofindApril.Itakecareful
stepstothekitchen.It’ssoquietIheartheclocktick-tockinginthekitchen.Suddenly,
there’sadistantsoundofstepsgettinglouderbythemoment.Thebasement!Stepsare
comingfromthebasement.Ihidebehindaclosetinthehall,holdingmygunup.Isee
alightfromaflashlightassomeonewalksuptothetopofthestairs,closingthedoor
behindthem,turningaroundandwalkingtowardme.Jumpinginfrontofthemoving
shadow,Ipointmygunatit.April’sscreamsoundsthroughthehouse,herflashlight
hittingthefloorandlightgoingoutattheimpact.“April?”Iexclaim,myeyebrows
furrowing.Icanseeit’sherinthemoonlightshiningthroughthewindows.

“Jude?Fuck,youscaredmetodeath.”Herhandisclutchingherchest.
Ifinallyletoutasighofrelief,clutchingAprilclosely.“Whatareyoudoing?Why

arethelightsout?”

“TheelectricitysuddenlywentoutsoIwentintothebasementtocheckifafuse

blewoutorsomething,butnothingseemstobewrongwithit.”

“Whydidyouturnoffthealarm?”
“Itstartedbeepingveryloudlywhentheelectricitywentout.Igotacallfromthe

securitycompanyandIexplainedwhathappenedandthenIguessIforgottoturnit
backon.”

“Haveyouheardorseenanythingsuspiciousinoraroundthehouse?”
“No,why?AssoonasIhungupthephone,Iwenttothebasement.”
“Idon’tthinkthepowergoingoutwasacoincidence.Someonedidthat.”
“Areyousure?”sheexclaimsinshock.
“Ifoundthere’sabrokenwindowinoneoftheguestbedrooms.”
“What?”shesaysincredulously.“Whichroom?”
“TheoneColewasstayingin.”Aprilturnsaroundonherheelandhurriesoff.
“April,wait,”Icallafterher,butshedoesn’tstop.“Damnit,woman,wouldyoulisten

tome?”Igrowlandrunafterher.

Ifindherleaningoverthebrokenglassintheguestroom.There’snodoubtit’sbeen

brokenfromtheoutsideastheglassshardsareonthefloorinsidetheroom.

“What’sgoingonhere?”Aprilliftshereyestome.
“Itwasn’ttheCaptaincallingmeearlier,itwasatrap.Someonewantedtomake

sureIwouldn’tbebyyourside.Iassumetheywantedyoualone.”

April’shandfliestoheropenmouth.Shereachesthebedforsupport.JustasIwant

towalkuptohertoconsoleher,someonegrabsmeandstrikesmyhead.

“Jude!”Aprilscreams,butit’stoolateastheattackerstruckmesohardIhitthe

floorwithmykneesandthegunI’vebeenholdingknockedoutofmyhand.Hishands
onmythroatforcemetostandup.Iwon’tlethimwin.Tryingtogettheupperhand,I
managetowrestlemyselffree.April’sstandingfrozenattheside,watchinguswith
horrorinhereyes.

“April,runoutside,thepolicearealreadyontheway!”Iyell,andreceiveahard

blowtothecheekbone.

“No!Jude!”shescreams,hervoicefullofdread.
“Justdoit!”Ishout.Thecutonmycheekisapparentlydeepenoughtostart

bleedingandthispissesmeoff,givingmemoremotivation.Imanagetogetakickin,
andgrittingmyteeth,Iyell,“AtleastoncedoasIsay!”Iexclaimasshe’sstillstanding
there.Ievadehisnextblow,clenchingmyhandsintofistsandswinginghardathis
head.Ihithistemple.Hegrumblesinalowvoice,hisshadowedheadtotheside,and
fromthecornerofmyeyeIseeAprilrunoutoftheroom.Finally.Holdinghimselfup,
onehandonthewall,Iseetheattackerreachbehindhisback,andbeforeIcanmove
helungesatme,aknifeinhishandglintinginthemoonlightforamomentbeforehe
thruststhebladeintomyshoulder.

“Aaargh,”Iroar.Thesirensinthedistancearegettingcloser.Theattackerpullsthe

knifeoutbeforeIcollapsetothefloor.Itrytogetagoodlookathim,butadarkhood
obscureshisface.Awaveofintensepainpassesthroughme,myeyesshuttingclosed.
BythetimeIopenthemagaintheattackerhasclimbedoutthewindowand
disappearedintothenight.

“Inthere.”April’spanickedvoiceisgettingcloserandIhearseveralsetsof

footsteps.Cops.Couldn’ttheygetheresooner?IhisswhenItrytomove,feelinga
burningsensationthatdoesn’twanttocease,inmyshoulder.Iclenchmyteeth.
Reachingmygoodarmouttoleanonthebed,Iscrambletomyfeet,cursingallthe
while.

“Hegotoutthewindow.”InodtowardthebrokenwindowwhenofficersGuzman

andBeckerrushintotheroom,battleready.April’srightbehindthem,andwhenshe
seesmesherunsintomyarms.GuzmanandBeckertakeoffaftertheperpetrator.

“Ugh,shit,”Imutter.
“What’swrong?”Aprillooksupatme,fearandpanicinhereyes.
“Thefuckerstabbedme.”ItakeastepbacksoIcanpressthehandofmygoodarm

onthewoundtostopthebleeding.

“What?Where?”Shetakesastepback,immediatelynoticingtheredstainonmy

shirt.“Jesus.I’mcallingtheambulance.”

“I’mfine.”I’vebeenhurtworsebefore.
“You’rebleeding,howcanyoubefine?Andyourface,youhaveanastygashon

yourcheek.”

BeckerandGuzmandecidetoreturn,gunsintheirholsters.“Didyoufind

anything?”Iask,hopefully.

“Notatraceofhim.”
“Thiscan’tbehappening,”Ishakemyhead.“Healwaysgetsaway.How’sthat

possible?”Ikickthewallinanger.

“How’syourshoulder?”Beckerpointshisheadtomywound.
“I’lllive,”Iwavemyarmathim,stillfuriousforlettingthefuckergetthehitin.

APRILCALLED

theambulancedespitemyprotestsandtheytookmetothenearest

hospital.Aprilrodeintheambulancewithme,GuzmanandBeckerdrivingclose
behind.ImadethempromisetoneverletApriloutoftheirsightuntilI’mpatchedup
andreadytogo.

AsI’msittingontheexaminationtable,IthinkbacktothemomentIdecidedto

leaveAprilalone,afoolishmistakeI’mnevergoingtoletmyselfmakeagain.The
stalker’sgottenbolderandI’mgoingtohavetofindawaytostophimonceandforall.

“You’llneedstitches,”thenurseannounceswhenshechecksmyinjuredshoulder.

“Luckily,theknifeavoidedthearteryandimportantnerves,butit’sstillprettydeep.”

“Fine,justgetitoverwith,”Isaycurtly.

April

WHILEWE’REWAITING

forJudetogetstitches—hiswoundwasworsethanheclaimed

ittobe—I’mthinkingaboutwhatmylifehasturnedinto.Fromseeminglyinnocent
messagesandthenharsherthreats,thestalkerstartedattackingpeopleIcareabout.I
can’tletthathappenanymore.Leo’sdeadandJudecould’vebeenstabbedfatallytoday.
Who’snext?Ishiveratthethought.Noone’sgoingtobenext.I’mgoingtomakesure
aboutthat.

“Iwasthinking…”Ithinkoutloud.
“Yes?”Guzmanasks.
“Thismanwho’sstalkingmeissupposedtobeinlovewithme,right?”
“Yes…”Beckernods,waitingformetogettothepoint.
“JudesaysithastobesomeoneIknow,someonewhousedLeotogettome.”
“That’sright.”
“Whatif…WhatifthenexttimehecallsIsuggestwemeet?Sowecandrawhimout

intotheopen?Ifhe’ssoinlovewithmeasheclaims,thenhewon’tbeabletoresistmy
offer.HewantsmeandI’mmorethangladtooffermyselfasthebait.”

Theofficerssharealook.“MissBrookes,thiswouldbeextremelydangerous.”
“Isn’titdangerousalready?”Ithrowmyarmsintheair.“Leo’sdead,Jude’sbeen

hurt.Iwon’tlethimhurtanyoneelse.Ican’t.Wehavetomakehimcomeoutof
hiding.”

“Wecouldtry—“

“Overmydeadbody!”wehearashoutbehindus.Turningourheads,weseeJude

walkingtowardusinlongstrides,hisshoulderbandagedandthewoundonhischeek
cleanedout.“Iwon’tletyoudothat.”

“Jude,Idon’tcarewhatyouthink,Iwanttohelp.I’mtiredofhidingandnotdoing

anything.”Igettomyfeet,walkuptohimandtakehisfaceintomyhands.Judegrabs
mywristwithhisgoodhand,asoftlookinhiseyes.

“No,”hesaysquietly,yetfirmly.
Iwriggleoutofhishold,facingawayfromhim.“I’vemademydecisionandthere’s

nothingyoucansayordotostopme.”TurningtoGuzmanandBeckerIsay,“Soitcan
bedone?”Theynod.

“Itcouldwork,”Beckersays.
“No,Idon’tcareifitmightwork.We’renotsacrificingher,”Judehuffs.
“Don’tbesostubborn.Youdon’tknowhowitfeelstobesoparanoidyoukeep

lookingoveryourshoulder,constantlyonthewatchtoseeifyoucanseeyourpsycho
stalkerinthedistancesomewhere,orworse,closeby.IfeellikeI’mstandingonthe
edgeofacliffnotknowingwhatwaitsformeatthebottom.Thisisnowaytolive.I’m
sickandtiredofbeingafraid.IneverrealizedhowdangerousapersoncanbeuntilI’ve
experienceditonmyown.Idon’tknowwhothestalkerisorwhathelookslike.He
couldbeanybodyIencounteronadailybasis.I’mreadytotakeactionandfindoutfor
myself,willingtoputmyselfonthelineifthat’swhatittakestocatchhim.Ican’tlive
likethisanymore,Jude.”

“You’llbeaneasytarget.”
“That’sthewholepoint.I’llbesurroundedwithcops,right?”Ilookatthetwo

officersnexttomeforconfirmation.

“Besides,”Icontinue,“Ihaveyourbracelet.”Istickmywristunderhisnose.“IfI

feelthreatenedinanyway,I’llpressthebutton.Yousaidityourself.Youcanfindme
anywhere.”

Judeclencheshisteeth,scratchinghisjaw.“Idon’tlikethis.”
“Likeitornot,that’souronlyremainingoption.”
“She’sright,”BeckerandGuzmanbackmeup.
Judeissilentforaminute.“Fine.Butwe’redoingitmyway.Ifyouwantthisto

happen,you’regoingtohavetolistentome.Every.Word.I.Say,”hesayswith
emphasisoneveryword.

“Iwill,Ipromise.”Istartfeelinghopefulagain,likethelightattheendofthetunnel

hasturnedonagain.

“AndifIgetthefeelingyou’reinanysortofdanger,I’mpullingtheplugonthe

operation.”

“Jude—“Istarttoarguebuthesilencesmebypressingafingertomylips.
“No,don’tobject.Thesearemyconditions.Takeitorleaveit.Whathappenedtoday

wasn’tacoincidence.Hewasplanningthis;planningtotakeyou.Doyouunderstand
me?Hewantedtokidnapyou.Andsincehisplan’sgoneawryI’msurehe’snotfeeling
verypleasedrightnow.He’ssmart,Iadmitthat.Andthat’swhywehavetooutsmart
him.”

“Okay,”Irelent,“Okay.”

THENEXTTHREE

dayspasswithoutanycontactfromthestalker.Nocalls,nothreats,

whichdoesn’tmakemefeelanybetter;infact,I’mmorenervousbythehour.Iwant
himtocontactmesowecanplayoutourverycarefullylaidoutplan.

WemadeaplanofactionthesameeveningJudewasstabbedandwhenIhearfrom

thestalker,whichisonlyamatteroftime,we’llbeabletosetthingsinmotionand
finallycatchthesonofabitch.Theguestroomwindowwasrepairedimmediately.
JudeandIreturnedtomyhouse,alone,sothestalkerwouldn’tsuspectanythingand
laylow.

Everynightsincethen,Iwenttobedfeelinganxiousandafraid,waitingforthecall

thatjustwouldn’tcome.Ineeddesperatelytogetthischapterofmylifebehindmeand
startanewone.Jude’sbarelysleptawinkallthistime,stubbornlyignoringmypleasto
getsomerestandgoeasyonhisshoulder,buthekeepsassuringmehe’salright.I
noticedhisgreeneyesarenotasfulloflifeastheywerebefore.They’velosttheirspark
andhe’sconstantlynervous,onedge,andthedarkcirclesunderhiseyesmakehim
lookmucholder.Beforethenightthestalkermanagedtogetintomyhouse,itseemed
likeweweremakingprogress,becomingcloser,butnowthattimefeelslikeadistant
memory.LikeI’veimaginedthewholething.Hehasn’tevenasmuchastouchedmein
threedays.Hedoesn’tsleepnexttome,butsitsinanarmchairnexttomybed,hisgun
inhishand,inconstantreadiness.Imisshim,talkingtohim,havinghimclosetome.

“Jude,I’mbeggingyou,gotosleep.You’retiredandyouneedtorest.Please,atleast

forafewhours,sleep.”Ipatthespacebesideme.

“I’llhaveplentyoftimetorestwhenI’msixfeetunder,Princess,”hebarks,hisgaze

distant.

“Don’tsaythat.”
“WhatamIsupposedtosaythen?”Hefinallylooksatme.“Itdoesn’tlooklikehe’s

goingtomakecontactanytimesoon.Heobviouslyalteredhisplansandhe’sprobably
lookingforanewwaytotakeyou.AndifI’mnotcareful,he’llsucceed.Understand?I
can’tfuckingsleep!”Iflinchathiswords.

Idon’tknowhowtoreplytothat.Isimplynodonce,turnmybacktohimandclose

myeyes,tryingnottothinkfurtherabouthissuddenchangeinbehavioraroundme.

TWOMOREDAYSPASS

.I’msittinginthelivingroomwhenIhearmyphoneringin

thekitchen.Sprintingtothenextroom,Judeatmyheels,wesharealookbeforeI
answer.

“Hello?”
“April,”thefamiliarmutedvoicesoundsthroughtheline.“Mylove.”Judestands

besideme,shiftingweightfromonefoottoanother.Inodtolethimknowit’sthecall
we’vebeenwaitingfor.

“Whoareyou?”Iaskharshly.Iwastoldtospeakwiththestalkerinamorepleasant

andrespectfulmannerbutit’ssohardtoholdmyselfback.

“Yourdestiny,”heresponds.“I’mslightlyangeredyourlittledetectivefriendruined

myplans,butthatdoesn’tmatternow.Allisfairinloveandwar,isn’tthatso?”he

chuckles,thesoundmuffledandgivingmethecreeps.“Bytheway,how’shis
shoulder?”MytemperrisesandI’dliketotellhimtofuckoffbutIbitemytongueand
respondcalmly,“It’sokay.”MygazefliestoJude.“AndI’dlikeittostaythatway.That’s
whyIhaveasuggestion.”

“Asuggestion,huh?I’mnotgoingtolikeit,right?”
“YoucanhavemeifyoupromisenottohurtJude,oranyoneelse,inanyway.If

youleaveeveryoneIcareaboutalone,I’myours.It’smeyouwant,isn’tthatso?”

“Whythesuddenchangeofheart,angel?”
“Ijusttoldyou.Idon’twantyoutoharmanyoneelse.I’myoursifyouleavethem

alone.”

“WhydoIfindithardtobelieveyou?”Isensehisdoubt.“What’sthecatch?”
“Thereisnocatch.”
“There’salwaysacatch,angel.EventhoughIloveyou,Ican’ttrustyou.”
“Please,I’lldoanything.”
“Anything,huh?”
“Yes.IcanmeetyousomeplaceandI’llwillinglyleavewithyou.Ipromise.”
“Okay,”hesaysafteranexcruciatinglylongpause.“MeetmeatFenwayPark,

noon.”

“Today?”Iexclaiminsurprise.
“Yes,today.I’mverymuchlookingforwardtoseeingyou.”Andhehangsup.
“Themeetupistoday?”Judesoundssuspicious.
“Yes,atnoon.”
“That’snotenoughtimetoseteverythingup.Twohoursisnothing.”
“It’llhavetodo!”
“Shit!”Judeexclaims,rubbinghisface.Hegrabshisphone,makingphonecallsfor

thenextthirtyminutes,settingourplaninmotion.

PRECISELYATNOON

,I’mstandingbytheentrancetotheFenwayPark.Asusual,there

isacrowdofpeoplearound,childrenplayinginthesnowmakingsnowmen,andI’m
nervouslyshufflinginmyspot,anxiouslywaitingforthemomentI’mfinallygoingto
meetmystalkerfacetoface.IwouldbelyingifIsaidIwasn’tterrified.Myheartis
beatingsofastitfeelslikeit’sgoingtoburstoutofmychest.Icatchmyselfstroking
Jude’sbraceletwithoutevenrealizingit.

Judemanagedtoseteverythingup.Wewenttothepolicestationwhereweworked

outthelastdetailsandIwasequippedwithamicrophone,hiddenundermycoat,with
atinyearpiecethat’llconnectmetoJude.Judeassuredmeathousandtimeshewon’t
letmeoutofhissight.Besides,thereareunder-covercopsnearby,waitingtotake
actionandarrestmystalker.I’mprayingourplanworksout.

“Ready?”IhearJude’svoicethroughmyearpiece.
“AsreadyasI’lleverbe.I’mscared,butit’llbeworthitsoIcanputthisnightmare

behindmeonceandforall.”

“Notlongnow.”
“Jude…”Iwhisper.Mywordsarelefthangingintheair.Ihavenoideawhattosay

tohim.Ourtimetogetherisalmostup.Hehasnoreasontostickaroundoncethe

stalkeriscaught.Idon’twanttosaygoodbyetohim.Iwanttothankhimforallthat
he’sdoneforme,tellhimIhavefeelingsforhim.Ican’tbelieveIfellforhim,butIdid.
Hard.Ineedhimtotellmewhyhe’dgottensoclosedoffanddistant.Iwanttoknowif
it’sbecauseofsomethingIdidorsaid…AndbeforeIgetthecouragetosayanyofthata
man,wearingahoodonhishead,appearsinfrontofme.Iflinch.Thisisit.

“Comewithme.”Hegrabsmyhandnotsogentlyandstartsdraggingmedownthe

street.I’vementallypreparedmyselfforthismomentsomanytimes,madecountless
scenarios,andnowthatI’mhere,Ifreeze.

“Isithim?”Jude’svoiceisechoinginmyear.Idon’tgivethemthesignalweagreed

on.Ican’t.I’mnotsure.Idon’tsmellstalecigarettescombinedwithsomethingsweet.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iaskthehoodedmaninstead.
“April,isithimornot?”Juderepeatsmoreimpatiently.Istilldon’tsayanything.

“Canyouhearme?”

HowcanIbesureit’shim?Itcouldbe.Thehoodiehe’swearingisthesameasthe

oneI’veseenthestalkerwearbeforebuttherearenoothervisibleclues.Wetakea
turnintoasmallalley,andsuddenly,we’resurroundedbypolice.Everythinghappens
sofastI’minadaze.

“Handsup!”oneofficersays,andthehoodedmandropsmyhandsandraiseshisin

theair.TheypushhimagainstthewallandsearchhimforweaponswhileI’mwatching
them,wonderingifthisisit.Isitfinallyover?Havewecaughthim?Oneoftheofficers
pullsthehoodofftheman’sheadasIholdmybreathinanticipation.Amiddle-aged
man,unshaven,withhisashgreyhairmessyanddirty,isstaringatus,fearinhiseyes.

“Areyouokay?”Juderunstome,pullingmeintoatighthug.Hesoundsrelievedas

he’sstudyingmyface,brushinghairoffmyface.“April?”

“Yes,”Inod,butmyeyesarestillgluedtothestrangerinahoodie,nowcuffedand

beingputintothebackseatofapolicecar.Agroupofpeoplegatheredtowatchthe
event,whisperingandguessingwhat’sjusthappened.

“Come,let’sdrivebehindthem.”Hewantstobepresentwhenthepoliceinterrogate

thesuspectsoIgetintothecarwithouthesitation.

FIFTEEN

Jude

“WHEREDO

youknowAprilBrookesfrom?”Guzmanasksthesuspect.I’mstandingin

thecorneroftheinterrogationroom,listening.TheCaptainallowedmetobeinthe
roomaslongasIremainedquietanddidn’tcauseanyproblems.

“Idon’tknowher,”themanspitsout.“I’vetoldyouadozentimesalready.”We’ve

beenhereforhalfanhourandhe’sbeenclaimingthewholetimehehasnoideawhat
we’retalkingabout.

“Whydidyouhaveherpictureinyourpocket?”Guzmancontinues.
“Someguygaveittome.Hetoldmehissister’sgonnabeattheFenwayParkat

noonandIwassupposedtotakehertoacarparkedafewblocksaway.Itwas
supposedtobeasurpriseforherbirthdayorsomething.”

“So,youdidashesaid?Justlikethat?”
“No.Hegavemeahundredbucks.”
“Fucker!”Ilosemymindforamoment,slammingmyhandsonthetableinfrontof

himandlookinghimintheeyes.“Forafuckinghundredbucks?Ican’tbelieveit.”I
runmyhandthroughmyhairinfrustrationandtakeafewstepsbacksoIwouldn’tbe
astemptedtopunchhim.

“What?WhatdidIsay?”thesuspectasksBecker,who’salsopresentinthe

interrogationroom.

“Whatdidtheguylooklike?”Beckerignoreshisquestion.
“Idon’tknow.Iwasn’treallylookingathim.AllIsawwasthesweateranda

hundredbucksheshovedundermynose.Itdoesn’toftenhappenthatahomelessguy
getssolucky.”

“Homeless?”Ijumpin.
“Yes,Iliveonthestreets.That’swhyIdidn’taskquestions.Iwashungry,cold,and

allIhadtodowastotakeagirlafewblocksovertoacar.”

“Ican’tfuckingbelieveit,”Imuttertomyself.
Thedooropens.Captainwalksinandnodsformetocomecloser.
“Hisfingerprintswereinthedatabase.HisnameisRandyIngram.”

“Itoldyouso,”Randyfrowns.
“Hewasarrestedmultipletimesforbeggingonthestreet.”
“Iwashungry.Itoldyouthatalready.Whyisnoonelisteningtome?”Randy

speaksupagain.

“So,wehavenothing,”IsaytoCaptain.
“Itlooksthatway.”
“Fuck!We’rerightbackatsquareone.”Imarchoutoftheinterrogationroom,

slammingthedoorbehindme.IfindAprilsittinginCaptainReeves’office,bentover,
phoneinhand,lookingpale.

“What’swrong?”Iaskher.Sheseemedquietanddistantbefore,butIcanfeel

something’sbotheringhernow.

“Hecalledme.”Hergazeisfixedtothefloor.
“Hecalledyou?”Irepeat,notreallyknowingwhatshe’stalkingabout,butsoon

realizingwhatshemeant.“Hecalledyou!?When?”

“Afewminutesago.”
“Whatdidhesay?”Idon’tknowifIwanttoknow,butIstillneedtohearit.
Shelooksupatme.“DidyouthinkIwassostupidI’dfallforyourbullshit?Thatyou

suddenlychangedyourmind?Iwasn’tbornyesterday,angel.ButIwascurioustosee
whatyouwereplanningtodo.AndIgottheanswerwithsomehelpfrommyhomeless
friendwhowaswillingtosellhismotherforahundredbucks.Hehelpedmeseeifthis
wasatrap.”Shereciteshiswordsinaflattone,herfaceblankofexpression;itlooksas
ifshe’sgivenuponeverything.

IknowIhaven’tbeenthatsupportiveofherforthelastfewdays.Iactedasthe

biggestjerkbutIwasfocusedsolelyonhowtofindthestalkerandfinallyputhim
behindthebars,wherehebelongs.Ican’tlethimhurther.Idistancedmyselffromher
whensheneededmethemost.Irealizethatnow.Icouldseehereyesbeggingmeto
comforther,butIignoreditanyway.

ThelastfewnightsIsatbesideherbed,watchinghersleep.OnlythencouldIallow

myemotionstorunfree.I’mnotgoodinsituationslikethis.I’veneverfeltthewayI
feelforAprilbefore.Iknowhowtocatchbadguysandputtheminjail,butmattersof
theheartareacompletelydifferenttopic.Inevershould’vegotteninvolvedwithher.I
canonlybringhersorrow,nothingmore.AlongtimeagoI’vedecidedIdon’twantto
beoneofthosemenwhoputtheircareerfirstandtheirfamilysecond.Thisisthemain
reasonInevergotseriouslyinvolvedwithanyone,seekingonlytemporarycompany.
Thatwaseasierformetohandle;Ihurtonlymyselfintheprocess.Butinthiscase,I’m
notimportant—Aprilis.That’swhyeverytimeIhadtheurgetogatherherinmyarms
andcomfortherlikemyheartwastellingme,Itookastepback,listeningtomybrain.I
needtodomyjobfirst,nodistractions,andthat’swhatIplanondoing.It’stheright
way.Theonlyway.

ITAKE

ApriltothecarIleftintheparkinglotbehindthepolicestation.We’vebeen

hereforsolongthatit’sdusk.I’dliketogetherhomeassoonaspossible.Thehopeshe
finallyhad,forallofthistofinallybeover,hasbeenshattered.

Itakethemainroad,turningleftatthecrossroads,andaboutamilelaterIsee

there’saconstructionsitewithonlyonelaneofroadopen.Puttingmyfoottothe
brake,Iwanttoslowthecarbutnothinghappens.Thecardriveswiththesamespeed.
Islamonthebrakesagain,withnoeffect.

“Jude,whatareyoudoing?We’regonnacrash.”
“Thebrakesdon’twork!”Itryagain;nothing.
“How’sthispossible?”
“Idon’tknow.Hangon!”AcarisdrivingtowardusandIhaveafeelingwe’renot

goingtobeabletoavoidcollision.IgraspthesteeringwheeltightlyandAprilgripsthe
dashboard,hereyeswideopen.Isteerlefttoattempttoavoidthecrashandthe
approachingcardoesthesame,buttheroadisslipperyfromthesnowthathasn’t
stoppedfallingandthebacksofourcarscollide.Ifeellikeeverythinghappensinslow
motion.Theairbagsdeploywithaloudbangandpushmebackintotheseat,knocking
thewindoutofme,blurringmyeyesightforaminute.Thecargetsturnedaround,
slidingacrosstheroaddownintoaditch,andintoatree.Theimpactissoseverewe’d
beknockedoutofourseatsandthroughthewindshieldifweweren’twearing
seatbelts.

“April,”Igruntinpain,myheadtomychest,“areyoualright?”Ihearhermoaning

besideme.Shemovesslowlyinherseat,placingherhandsonherhead.“April?”She
onlyletsoutagroan.

Smokeiscomingoutfromunderthehoodofthecar,whichistotaled.Ifindithard

togathermythoughtsasmyheadisspinningandmyvisionisblurringfromthepainI
feelallovermybody.IhopeIdidn’ttearthestitchesinmyshoulder.Ittakesalotof
efforttograbthedoorhandle,butthetreeisinthewaysoIcan’topenit.

“Shit.”IlookovertoApril.“April,sweetie,canyouopenthedoor?”Itrymyhardest

nottosoundpanicked,butIdoubtI’msucceeding.

“Jude?”shemoans.“Ithurtssomuch.”
“Wheredoesithurt?”Duetotheadrenaline,thepainI’mfeelingnumbsdowntoa

buzzandmynumberonepriorityistogetApriltosafety.Iseeagashonherforehead
andit’sbleedingprettyhard.Hereyesarebarelyopen.

“Idon’t…know.Everywhere.”
“I’llgetusoutofhere.Wherethehellismyphone?”Iunbucklemyseatbelt,looking

aroundme.Besideme,Aprilisunnaturallystill.“April?”Ilookuptoseeherheadtothe
side,hereyesareclosed.“Openyoureyes,April,”Idemand,butnothinghappens.
“Damnit.”MyheartisracinginmychestasIreachovertofeelherpulse.Lettingouta
sighofreliefatthestrongpulseinherneck,Iclosemyeyes,andwhenIhearthe
ambulancesirensfastapproachingIfeelevenbetter.We’regoingtobealright.

Thepassengerdooropens,soIturntothepersonstandingthere.“She’s

unconscious.Shetoldmeshewasinpain,butshecouldn’ttellmetheexactlocation.
Canyouhelpher?”

TheEMTreachesoverandunbucklesherseatbelt,notsayingaword.Hisonlyfocus

isongettingApriloutofthecarandheonlyliftshiseyestomeforasecond,hiseyes
cold.Shiversrundownmyspine.HeliftsApriloffherseat,onehandunderherknees,
theotheraroundherback,ashepullsherout.

“Hey!Shesufferedablowtothehead.Youcan’tjustdragheroutlikethis!”Idon’t

knowtheextentofherinjuriesbuteveryEMTknowstheneckhastobesecuredfirst.

“Doyouhearme?”Gatheringeverylastatomofstrength,Imanagetoclimboverto
herseatandoutofthecar.Igrabthecardoorforsupport.ThemancarefullyliesApril
downonthecoldground,pullingsomethingoutofhispocket,ashewalkstome.
PuttinghishandonmyshoulderIseehimgrin,hiseyesmeanandcold.Hesticks
somethingintomyneck,thenwalksaway.“She’smine,andI’lltakegoodcareofher.”

OnlynowIrealizehe’snotwearinganEMTuniform;he’sdressedindarkpantsand

ajacket.“No!”Iyellafterhim,myvoiceweek,fumblingtogetmygunoutofthe
holster.ButwhenIliftmygaze,there’snotraceofhim.Myvisionstartsblurringagain,
mylegsturningintojelly.Whatthehelldidheinjectmewith?Ifalltomyknees,feeling
defeated,andthepaininmychestexplodes.Iknowit’snottheeffectoftheinjection,
butmyheartbreakingfornotbeingabletoprotectAprillikeIpromisedher,andMax.
LikeIpromisedmyself.

IWAKEUP

,blinkingattheannoyinglightattackingmyeyes.Ihearunintelligible

voicesaroundmebutIcan’tdiscernwhotheybelongto.Beneathmyback,Ifeelthe
coldsurfaceofthecarhood.I’mstillattheaccidentsite.

“Sir,we’regoingtohelpyou.MynameisJamesYorkandI’maparamedic.Ifyou

hearme,squeezemyhand.”Idoashesays.“Good.We’llputyouontoastretcherand
takeyoutothehospital.”

“Withme…Someoneelse…Awoman…”
“Shh,everybodyissafe.It’sgoingtobealright.”
“Youdon’tunderstand…”Anoxygenmaskisplacedonmyface,cuttingoffmy

protests.

THESMELL

ofdisinfectantstingsmynostrils.Igrabmyhead,groaning.

“Jude?”
Imanagetoslightlyopenmyeyes.InoticeI’minanarrowwhitebed.“Max?”Itry

tofocusmyeyesonthefaceaboveme.

“Howareyou?”
“Ihurtalloverlikeamotherfucker.”Itakeinmysurroundings,myeyesfinally

adjustingtotheharshlighting.“Whattimeisit?”

“Eightpm.You’vebeeninanaccident.Doyouremember?”
“Yes,anditwasnoaccident.Fuckingbrakesdidn’twork.”Ileanonmygoodelbow

andlookaround.Itdoesn’tlooklikeahospitalroom.“WhereamI?”

“Intheexaminationroom.You’vejustbeenbroughtin,checkedandx-rayed.

You’refineexceptfortheblowontheheadyoureceivedwhentheairbagdeployed.
Therearealsoafewscratchesonyourbody.Yourshoulder’sabittender,Ibet,butthe
stichesheld.You’requiteluckyactually.”

“I’mfine,”Ihiss,sittingupinmybed.IgetalittledizzybutIdon’tshowittoMax.

Andthenitallcomesbacktome-Aprilandtheunknownmantakingher,injectingme
withsomething.“Shit,”Icurse.“HetookApril!”

“Huh?Whatareyousaying?Itwasjustyouinthecar.Don’tyouremember?”

“No,Aprilwaswithme.Hetookher!”
“No,youwerealoneinthecar,”Maxtriestocalmmedown.“Anoldercouplewasin

theothercar,andluckilythey’refine,too.”

“No,Aprilwaswithmewhenwewentofftheroad.Thenthisguycame,openedthe

door.IthoughthewasanEMT.Hecarriedheroutofthecar.Shewasunconscious.I
didn’trealizeituntilitwastoolate.Max,hekidnappedher.Hehadasyringe.Male.
Caucasian,averageheight,ourage.BeforeImanagedtogetaholdofmygun,they
weregone.IguessImust’veblackedoutafterthatbecauseIwokeupwhentheEMTs
arrived.

“Theyonlytookthreeofyoutothehospital,”Maxsays,hisfacechalkwhite.
“Yes,becausehetookher!”Whycan’thegetit?
“Areyousureshewaswithyou?”Hestillcan’twraphisheadaroundit.
“Yes,damnit.Shewaswithme.Andnowthatmaniachasher.Sheneedsmedical

attention.Now.”Igetuptogofindadoctor,butassoonasItakeonestep,Igetdizzy
andIsitbackdown;mustbetheaftereffectsofthedrugthatpsychoinjectedmewith.

“Youneedtorest.”
“IhavetofindApril.Where’smyfuckingphone?”
Maxpointstotheclosetinthecorner.“There,alongwithallyourotherthings.”
“Iseeyou’reupalready,Mr.O’Rilley.Howareyoufeeling?”Anolderdoctorwalks

intotheroom,smilingatmeasshetakesanophthalmoscopeoutofthepocketofher
medicalcoat.Sheshinesalightintomyeyes,butIwaveheroff,gettingtomyfeet
again.“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing?”shedemands,herhandsonherhips.

“Outofhere.”
“Oh,no,youaren’t.Wearen’tdonewithyouyet.”
“Yes,youare.”Idon’tcarewhatthedoctorsays.IneedtofindApril.
“Sir,you’vebeeninacaraccident.Ineedtomakesureyou’reproperlycheckedout

beforeweletyouwalkoutofhere.”

“YoualreadydidallthetestsandI’mfine,right?”
“Well…yes,but...”
“So,I’mleaving.”Islowlymakemywaytothecloset,grabmythingsandthrow

themonthebed.

“MisterO’Rilley,wefoundalargeamountofsedativesinyourbody.Didyoutake

anydrugsbeforeyousatinthatcar?I’llhavetoreportyouifthat’sthecase.You’venot
onlyendangeredyourselfbutotherstoo.”

“What?You’vegottobekiddingme.YouthinkIdodrugs?No,Ididn’ttake

anything.Thatfuckerdruggedme.”

“What?Someonedruggedyou?”thedoctorraiseshereyebrows.
Itakeadeepbreath.“Someonedruggedmerightaftertheaccidentandtheytook

thewomaninthepassengerseat,April.”

“Who’sApril?”shefrowns.
“Shewaswithmeinthecar.Shewasunconsciousandhetookher.”
“April’smysister,”Maxexplains,“andhe’stheprivatedetectiveIhiredtoprotect

herfromherstalker.”

Thedoctorlooksfrommetohiminobviousbewilderment.“Oh.”
“Yes,oh,”Isay.“CanIgonow?Ineedtolookforher.”

“I’mresponsibleforyourhealth,mister.Youcan’tjustleave.Iwanttodosome

moretests,andifyousaysomeone’sbeenkidnapped,weneedtoinformthepolice.”
ShelooksatMaxwithpleadingeyes,willinghimtohelpsupporther.

“That’swhatIplanondoing,”Iassureher.
“Areyousure,Jude?Whatifyoustayedjustsotheycandothosetests,andI’llcall

theCaptaininthemeantime,okay?”

Iignorehim.SinceI’mstillwearingmyclothes,Itakemybelongingsoffthebed

andshovetheminmypockets.

Ican’tescapethelectureabouteventhesmallestofinjuriesbeingpotentiallylethal

tooandthatitcanhideanevenbiggerinjurywhichfornowisn’tapparentyet,dueto
shockandadrenalineinmybody.InodtotellherIacknowledgewhatshe’stellingme,
butamstilldeterminedtoleave,soshegivesmeanAMAtosignthatI’mleaving
againstdoctor’sorders.ShewarnsmetoimmediatelyreturnifIstartexperiencing
dizziness,nausea,ifIstartthrowingupandifIhavetroubleconcentrating.Igeta
prescriptionforpainkillersandthenI’moff,Maxrightbehindme.

April

I’MSURROUNDED

bysomethingfuzzyandfluffy.WhenItrytoturntotheside,a

stabbingpainpiercesthroughmyheadandribs.Iautomaticallyreachmyhandstomy
headandIdiscoveritiscoveredinbandages.Ijerkup,butthepainthatshootsthrough
mybodyandmakesmegaspinanguish.I’mfeelingnauseousandmyheadisspinning
likeI’monarollercoaster.Allthemusclesinmybodyhurt.I’mconfusedatmy
surroundings.Idon’trecognizetheroomI’minorthebedI’mlyingon.Wherethehell
amI?Ifrown,tryingtonudgemysleepingbraintorememberhowIgothere.I
rememberbeingatthepolicestation,drivinghomewithJude,alongsnow-covered
road,andJudetryingtostopthecar.Thebrakeswouldn’tworksowecollidedwitha
carcomingfromtheoppositedirection,andthenit’sallblank.

“Jude!”Iscream,butitcomesoutofmythroatlikeaweakmoan.Idragmyselfout

ofthebed,mylegssoweakIcanbarelymovethem,butIneedtogetoutofhereand
checkuponJude.I’mguessingweweretakentothehospitalandthendischarged.
PerhapsI’matJude’splace.I’mwearingadifferentsetofclothesthanbefore.Theyfit
perfectlyandlooklikethey’rebrandnew.BeforeIcantakeastep,asharppaininmy
rightsideknocksthewindoutofmylungs,andwhenItouchmyribs,ithurtssobadly
myeyessting.Tryingmydamnedesttoignoretheexcruciatingpain,Idragmyselfto
thedoorandopenit.Istepintoadarkhallway,holdingmyselfup,leaningagainstthe
wall.AfterwhatfeelslikeaneternityIreachthekitchen,wherethelightisturnedon,
andIseeamanwithblondhair,hisbacktome,standingbythestove.Where’sJude?
Didheaskoneoftheofficerstowatchovermewhilehewentout?Iclearmythroatto
letthemanknowI’mup,butthatprovestobeabigmistakeasIfeellikemyribsare
goingtoexplodeinpain.Themanturns,agrinonhisface.Ibulgemyeyesout.

“Ronnie?Whatareyoudoinghere?Where’sJude?”Ihaven’tseenRonniesinceLeo

andIbrokeup.HewasLeo’sbestfriend,andtheonlyonewhodidn’tturnhisbackon
Leowhenhewasdrowninginalcohol.

IgetdizzysoIclutchthebackofthechairforsupport.
“Hi,April.Howareyoufeeling?”
“Everythinghurts,”Iadmit.
“You’vebeeninanaccident,”hepointstomyhead.“Youwerebleeding,butthe

woundwassuperficial.Itwasprobablyjustastrayshardofglassorsomethinglike
that.”

“Whataboutmyribs?Myribcagehurtslikehell,andmyarmtoo.Whydidn’tthey

takecareofthatinthehospital?”

“Yourribshurt?”heexclaimsinworry.
“Yes,andI’mhavingtroublebreathing.Icanbarelystanduponmyfeet.”
Amuscleinhisfacetwitches.Heseemstohesitate.
“Wherearewe?”Ilookaroundattheretrokitchen.
Ronnieignoresmyquestion,askinginstead:“Canyousit?Breakfastwillbeready

soon.”

“I’mnothungry,”Irespondquietly.“Where’sJude?”Iputmyhandonmyleftside

oftheribcage,grimacing.

“Imadeuspancakes,”Ronniestartsmovingaround.
“Whyaren’tyouansweringmyquestions?”Ifrown.
Helooksoverhisshoulder,smilingatme.“Questionscanwait.Ineedtogetsome

foodinyoufirst.You’vebeenthroughquiteatrauma.”

“No,Ronnie.Ineedanswers,now!”Iyell,andRonniestilldoesn’tsayanything.

“HowdidIwinduphere?Areweatyourplace?Didyoutakemehere?Whathappened
toJude?Didhegethurtintheaccident?”

“Ugh,April.Shutup,myearsarehurting!”Hisvoiceturnsicyandhe’sholdinghis

handstohisears.

Istraightenupalittle,staringathiminsurprise,butbeforeIcanreact,another

waveofstabbingpainrollsthroughmyribcage.Iclutchmyleftsideandbendoverin
agony,whichmakesitworse.Ronnie’sbesidemeinablink,helpingmetothecouchin
thelivingroomsoIcanlaydown.ThewholetimeI’mclenchingmyteethtogether,
tryingnottoscream.

“I’llgetyousomepainkillers.”
RonniedisappearsthroughthedoorandIusethemomenttoslowlygetoffthe

couch,cursingthesearingpainatmyside.Walkingtothefrontdoor,Idiscoveritis
lockedandthere’snokeysinsight.

“Damnit,”Ihiss.
Ronniechoosesthismomenttowalkdownthehallway,adisappointedlookonhis

facewhenheseesme.“Whatareyoudoing?Youshouldberesting!”

Hepicksmeupfromthefloor,ignoringmycriesofagony,andtakesmebacktothe

couchwherehecarefullysitsmedown.

“WhereisJude,Ronnie?”Iaskhimagain.
“Whyareyousoworriedabouthim?He’sworthless.Hedoesn’tdeserveyou,just

likeLeodidn’tdeserveyou.”

“What?”Ilookupintohiseyes.“Leowasyourbestfriend?Howcanyousay

somethinglikethat?”

Hepointshisindexfingeratme.“No,Leowasastupiddrunk.Hedidn’trealizewhat

hehad.Hetreatedyoulikeshitandhewasafuckingidiot.Hedidn’trespectyoulikeI
respectyou.I’ddoanythingforyou.Everything.Evenkillforyou.”

“Kill?”Ibreatheout,backingawayslightly.
“Yes.IgotridofLeowhenhestoppedbeingusefultome.”
“Itwas…Itwasyou?”Myfacedrainsofblood.“Youwerestalkingme?”
“Stalking?”hesoundsastounded.“No,Iwaslookingoutforyou.”
“Why?”
“Youstilldon’tunderstand?”hepincheshiseyebrowstogetherindisappointment.I

shakemyhead.HowamIsupposedtoknowwhatgoesoninthattwistedmindofhis?
“Iloveyou.”Hisvoiceisonceagainsoft,kind.“Ifellmadlyinlovewithyouthe
momentIfirstlaideyesonyou.Ifellinlovewithyourgentleness,kindness,goodness.
IwasmiserablewhenyouchoseLeo,butIknewmymomentwouldcome,andIwas
bidingmytime.Iknewsomedayyou’dbemine.Andhereyouare,”hesmiles.
“Persistencepaysoff.”Hestrokeshishanddownmycheek.

“Youkidnappedme!”
“No!”hedefendshimself.“Ididn’tkidnapyou.Iborrowedyou.Ihavegreatplans

forus.”Heleansinandliftshishand.Ibackawayfromhim.Hiseyesbulgeout.“Did
youthinkIwasgoingtohurtyou?”heasks.Idon’trespond.Ihavenoideawhathis
intentionswithmeareandwhat’sgoingtohappennext.“No,no,no,”Ronnieshakes
hishead.“Don’tbeafraidofme.”Herunsthebackofhishanddownmycheektomy
throatandIgetawhiffofthealreadyfamiliarsmellofcigarettesandsomethingsickly
sweet-hisaftershave!“Iwouldneverhurtyou.Iloveyou.”

“Ifyoureallylovedme,youwouldn’tbedoingthis,”Isayquietly.
“I’mdoingthisforus.”
“No,you’redoingthisforyourself.Why?Whydidyoufollowandharassme?”
“Thatsoundssomuchlikethemovies.Let’ssayIwaspreparingyouforthis

moment.”

“Whatmoment?”Idemand.
“Patience,angel.You’llknowsoonenough.”
“When…Whendidyousetupcamerasallovermyhouse?”Iaskhim.
“You’rekiddingme,right?Iwasovertherealmosteveryotherday.Ihelpedyou

takecareofLeo.Godknowshewasn’tcapableofthathimself.Andyoustillstuckbyhis
side.Ineededtomakesureyouweresafewithhim.That’sthereasonIputcamerasin
yourhouse.”

“Leoneverhurtme,unlikeyou,”Iyell.
Ronnietakesadeepbreath,thenexhalesslowly,asiftryingtokeephistemper

undercontrol.“Please,don’tbeafraidofme.Youknowme!”Hisvoiceishopefuland
hereachesformyhandagain.

“No,Idon’treallyknowyouatall.IfIknewwhatyouwerelike,I’dnevergetclose

toyou.”Ipause.“Areyougoingtokillme?”

Hedoesn’trespondtomyquestion,justleanshisforeheadagainstmine,andIjerk

myheadtotheside.“I’vedreamedaboutthisforsolong.Aboutthisexactmoment.

Whenwe’refinallytogether,alone.Leowassuchanidiot,ascumwhodidn’tdeserve
you.HeneverappreciatedyoulikeIdo.IknewhisdrinkingbotheredyouandIwas
certainyou’dleavehimifhisdrinkinghabitgotworse.So,Ihelpedhimdevelophis
habit.Hejustneededalittleencouragement.Hetoldmehowmadyouwereevery
timehecamehomedrunk,buthelovedalcoholmore,soitdidn’ttakemuch
convincingformetogethimwasted.EverytimeIdrovehimhomeanddepositedhim
onyourcouch,drunkoutofhismind,Isawhowmiserableyouwere.Ididn’tlike
seeingyouthatwaybutIwasthereforyou,rightbyyourside,encouragingyou,andit
didn’ttakelongbeforeyoudumpedhisass.”

“Youdidn’thavetokillhim.”
“Killissuchanuglyexpression,isn’tit?Let’ssayhewasaguineapig.Hehelpedme

learnsomethings.”

“Whatthings?”Iaskcarefully.
“It’snotimportantatthemoment.You’llknowsoonenough.”
“Whywereyoupretendingtobehim?”
“Ididn’t.Youalonecametothatconclusion.”
“No,youusedhiscellphonetocallme.”
“Technicallyspeaking,itwasn’thisnumber.IneededascapegoatsoIcouldexecute

myplanthewayIenvisionedit,”heshrugs.“Hungry?”heasks,walkingovertothe
kitchen.

Igatherallmystrengthsand,asfastasmybrokenribswouldallowme,Igettothe

frontdoorandstartbangingonitwithmyrightfist.“Isanyoneoutthere?Please,help
me!”Tearsspilldownmyface.

“Noonecanhearyou,mylove.We’reallalonehere,”Ronnieshoutsfromthe

kitchen.

Itryonelasttime,andrealizingmyattemptsareindeedfutile,Icollapseonthe

floorcryingintomyhands.

Ronniewalkstome,squattingdownandasks,“Howdoyoufeel?Stillinpain?”his

voiceiscalm.HereachesovertocheckbutIshovehishandaway.

“Leavemealone!Don’tyoudaretouchme!”Iyell.
“Ineedtocheckyourribs.Ididn’trealizeyouhurtthemintheaccident.Ialsoneed

tochangethebandageonyourhead.”

“Gofuckyourself.”
“Comeon,don’tberude.Itookcareofyou,”hepointstomybandagedforehead.
“No,youdidn’t.Whyareyoudoingthistome?Ithoughtyouweremyfriend.”
“Don’tyouunderstand?Ineverwantedtobejustyourfriend!”Heslamshisfistinto

thedoorandgetstohisfeet.“Iwanttobeyours.Body,heartandsoul.Iwantyouto
lookatmethewayyoulookedatLeowhenyoustarteddating,andhowyoulookat
thatfuckingdetective.Iwaswillingtodoanythingforyou,Ihelpedyou,andyou
barelynoticedme.Youwouldn’tevenhavedinnerwithme!”

IvaguelyrememberonetimewhenRonniewashelpingmegetLeoundressedand

inbed.HeaskedmeifIwantedtogograbsomethingtoeatandchatbutIdidn’twant
toleaveLeoaloneincasehegotsick.Besides,Iwastiredandnotinthemoodtogoout
ofthehouse.IneverrealizedRonnie’sinvitationtodinnermeantanythingmorethan
amealbetweenfriends.

“I’msorryifIhurtyou.Ididn’tmeanto.Ihadnoideayoufeltthiswayaboutme.

Please,justletmego,andI’llbewillingtoforgetallthiseverhappened.”

“YouknownowhowmuchIloveyou.Andfinally,Ihaveyoualltomyself.We

haveeternitytogether.”He’sstandingaboveme,hisfeetapart,andlookingdownatme
withvictory.

“Eternity?Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”
“We’llbejoinedineternity.Soon.”Hiseyesgetdistant,asifhe’sgoneintoanother

worldcompletely.

Iusethemomentofhisdistractiontokickhim,hittinghisknee.Hecursesloudly,

grippinghisknee,beforehefallstothefloorbesideme.Iscrambletomyfeet,tearsof
painstingingmyeyes,andIruntothekitchenwhereIlookaroundforanythingImay
useforaweapontoincapacitatehimandfindawaytoescape.Itrytoopenthe
drawers,butthey’reallclosed,tomysurprise.Whatthehell?Intheend,Igrabthepan
heusedformakingpancakesandholditinfrontofmewhenIseeRonnieapproaching.

“Dosomethinglikethisagainandyou’llbelockedinyourroomuntiltheceremony.

Isthiswhatyouwant?”

“Stayaway!”Iyell.
“Putthepandown.”
“No,”Ishakemyheadfuriously.
“Ireallydidn’tmeantousethisonyou,butyouleavemewithnochoice.”Hepullsa

syringeoutofnowhereand,becauseoftheparalyzingpaininmyribs,I’mnotquick
enoughtostophimfromgrabbingme,pullingthepanoutofmygrasp,andwrapping
onearmaroundmythroat.Mybackisagainsthisfront,soI’mcompletelyhelpless.He
placesatenderkisstothesoftspotbehindmyearandthenIfeelastingingprickinmy
neckasheemptiesthecontentsofthesyringeintomysystem.Myalreadyweaklegs
turnintojelly,myarmsfallingtomyside,andmyworldturnstodarkness.

SIXTEEN

Jude

“ITWASN’TANACCIDENT

,”theCaptainannounces.“Someonecutthebrakelines.The

cutwastiny,butbigenoughforthebrakefluidtorunout.That’swhyyouonlynoticed
yourbrakesstoppedworkingawhilelater.”

It’sbeensixteenhourssinceApril’sbeentaken.AndnotaminutehaspassedthatI

wasn’tblamingmyselfforit.

“Fuckinghell.Iknewitcouldn’tbeacoincidence.”Irunmyhandthroughmy

messyhair.“Whendidthefuckermanagetodothat?”Imutter.“I’llberightback.”I
runoutsidetotheparkinglotwhereIparkedApril’scaryesterday.Idoubtithappened
inFenwayParkbecauseI’dhavenoticedearlier,soitmusthavehappenedlateratthe
policestation.IstopatthespotI’dparkedthecar,luckilyemptyrightnow.Adarkstain
grabsmyattention.Crouchingdown,Irunmyfingeracrossthestain,rubbingthe
liquidbetweenmyfingers.Dryoilysubstance.Ismellitandhurrybackinsidethe
station.

“Captain,Ifoundanoilysubstanceintheparkinglot.Isuspectit’sthebrakefluid

frommycar.Canwecheck?”

“Yes,I’llsendsomeoneovertocheck.”
“Ialsonoticedcamerasthere.Aretheyrecordingoraretheyjustuptherefor

show?”

“They’reworking.We’vehadsomeproblemswithvandalismsoweinstalledthem

backthere.”

“CouldIgetyesterday’sfootage,aroundthetimewewerequestioningthehomeless

man?Wemaynoticesomeonesuspiciouslurkingwheretheyshouldn’tbe.Ifthe
stalkerhadtimetomesswithus,thenhemusthavealsofollowedustothestation.
Afterall,Aprilwastakenwhenwewereleavinghere.I’mcertainherstalkerwas
followinghereverymove.Hemusthavebeenfollowinguswithoutusknowingit.”

“Yes,I’llsendWesttograbitforyou.I’lljoinyoulater.Ihavesomemesstotake

careofffirst,”hesaysasheturnstoleave.“Ican’trelyonanyonethesedays,”he
mutterstohimself.

Idon’taskhimwhat’stheproblem,otherthingshaveprioritiesatthemoment.

“WHOTHEHELLISTHIS

?”I’malmostgluedtothescreen,watchingamanwitha

baseballcapstandingbesidemycar.I’mwatchingthesecuritytapesOfficerWest
broughtme.Themanactssuspicious;helooksaroundhimselfoftenand,whenthe
coastisclear,hethenkneelsbesidethecaranddisappearsfromthecameras.I’m
furious.Itdoesn’ttakeageniustofigureoutwhathe’sbeendoing;cuttingthebrakes.
Afteraminute,hestraightensup,dustsoffhisweirdlookingjumpsuitand,turningleft
andright,hetakesoffascalmlyasheappeared.Asifhewasn’tbotheredintheleastby
thefactthathejustputmeinmortaldanger.“Fuck!”Iexclaim.

“West,isCaptaininhisofficeyet?”Iyellouttothehall.Westappearsatthedoorof

theofficeI’minafewsecondslater.“No,there’sanissuewithoneoftheemployees
andhe’sdealingwithit.CanIhelp?”hesaysashegrabshisbelt,pullinghispantsup.

“Maybe,”Isayandnodforhimtojoinme.
Thefootageispausedattheimageofthemaninajumpsuit.
“Haveyoueverseenthisguybefore?”
Westnarrowshiseyesatthegrainyimageonthescreenandleanscloser.“The

uniformsuggestsitcouldbeoneofourjanitors.Why,didyoufindanything?”

“Janitor?”Iraisemyeyebrow.“Yousure?”
“Yes.Iseethemoftenenougharoundhere,fixingthisorthat,soIknowwhattheir

uniformslooklike.Trytozoomintothenameontheplate,”hetellsme.

Idoashesaysandwebothlookcloser.“ItsaysJ.Dawson,ifI’mnotmistaken.”
“Givemeasec,”Westreplies,andstartstypingonthecomputer.“Yes,wehavea

janitorthatgoesbythisname.JamesDawson.”

Yougottabekiddingme.“Theguycutmybrakes.”
“Whywouldhedothat?”Westfrowns.
“Christ,Idon’tknow,”Irollmyeyes.“Perhapssohe’dgettoApril.”
“Youthinkoneofourjanitorsisconnectedtoherdisappearance?”heasks

incredulously.

“Thefootagesuggeststhat’sso.Canyougetmetheinfoonhimandalltheother

janitorsemployedhere?”

“Sure.There’sonlytwoofthemsoitshouldn’ttakelong.”
Tenminuteslaterhereappearswithtwofolders.Throwingthemonthetable,they

slidedowntome,andhesitsdown.“ImetCaptainontheway.He’llbehereany
minute.”

“Good.”
Iopenthefirstfolder.Acoloredphotoofthefirstjanitorstaresbackatme;it’sa

maninhislatefortieswithgreyhair.Idismisshimimmediatelyastheimageofthe
stalkerisforeverburnedintomybrain.Accordingtohisfile,he’sforty-seven,fivefeet
nine,marriedwithtwochildren,alocal.He’dworkedatthepolicestationforovernine
years.Ipushthefoldertothesideandopenthesecondone.JamesDawson,brown
eyes,thirty-one,single.He’sbeenemployedhereforlessthanayear,fivefeeteight,
andunfortunatelyalsonotourguy.Noneofthemhaveanypriors,whichmakessense
consideringwheretheywork.

“Theydon’tmatchthedescription.Noneofthemwereatthecrimescene.Theman

whokidnappedAprilhasblondhair,broadshoulders,andhe’stallerthanfivefeetten.”

“Westtoldmeyou’vebeenlookingforme.”Captainstepsintotheoffice.
“Thisguycutmybrakes.”Itapmyfingeronthescreen.“Thefootageisclear

enoughtonailhim.”Captainfrowns.“Westsaidhe’swearingthesameuniformasyour
janitors,butIcaneliminatebothasthekidnappers.TheguywhokidnappedAprilwas
blonde.”

“Great,”CaptainReevessighs.“Justperfect,”heshakeshishead,throwinghishands

intheair.WestandIlookateachotherand,beforeIcanaskhimwhat’swrong,he
says,“Afewweeksago,Dawsonreportedhisuniform’smissing.Wedidn’tpaymuch
attentiontoit,gothimanewone,andthatwasit.”

“CouldthisDawsonhaveanythingtodowithApril’sdisappearance?Couldhehave

willinglygivenourstalkerhisuniformandreporteditmissingsohewouldn’tbe
blamed?”

“Godknows,anything’spossible,”CaptainReevesscratcheshisscalp.
IturntoWest.“RememberthattimewhenIcametothestationbecauseCaptain

supposedlycalledmetocomeover?”

“Yes,”henods.“Butitwasn’ttheCaptaincalling,right?”
“That’sright.Itwasthestalker.Perhapshealsousedthejanitor’suniformthattime

tocallmefromCaptain’soffice?Ifhewasdressedasajanitor,surelyheblendedin
well.”

“Sonofabitch!”CaptainReeveshisses.“SomeonegogetDawsonhere.Weneedto

interrogatehimthoroughly.”

FIFTEENMINUTESLATER

,CaptainReevesandIaresittingintheinterrogationroom

whenJamesDawsonwalksin,surprisedtoseeus.Thepolicemenwhobroughthimin
closesthedoorbehindhim.Asluckwouldhaveit,he’sjuststartedhisshiftsowedidn’t
havetowaitforhimlong.

“MisterDawson,pleasesitdown,”Captainsaysseriously.
“Issomethingwrong?”Dawsonseemsafraid.
“We’regoingtobeaskingthequestions.”Heslidesaphotooftheparkinglotfrom

thefootage.“Isthisyouruniform?”heasks.

“Idon’tknow,”Dawsongiveshimaconfusedlook.“Itlookslikeit.Why?”
“I’mgoingtoaskyoutotakealookatthisvideo.”Iplaytheclip.Mygazeisfocused

onhisface,hisexpressionsandhisreaction.Whenheseesthatthemaninthevideo
climbsoutfromundermycar,hiseyeswiden,andstartsshakinghishead.

“Thatwasn’tme,”hestartsdefendinghimself.“First,Ihavenoknowledgeofcars.I

havenoideawhathewasdoingunderthecar.”

“Themancutthebrakeline,”Iexplain.
“No,no,no,you’renotgonnapinthisonme.Wasn’tme,”heexclaimsfirmly.“I’d

havenoreasontodothis!”

“Calmdown,MisterDawson,”CaptainReevestriestosoothehim.“Nobodyis

accusingyouofanything.We’rejusthavingaconversation.”

“Butyouinsinuatedit.Ihadnothingtodowiththis.Perhapsit’sconnectedtothe

disappearanceofmyuniform.Ireportedthat!”

“Youneverlentittoanyone?”Captainaskscalmly.
“WhywouldIdothat?Ofcoursenot.”Heseemsoffendedwethinkso.
“Doyouknowthiswoman?”IshowapictureofApriltoDawson.
Heleansforwardandtakesagoodlook,butIseenorecognitioninhiseyes.“No,

shouldI?”

“Shewaskidnappedyesterdayevening.”
Dawsonjumpstohisfeetsoquicklyhischairlandsonthefloor,slamminghishands

onthetable.“Whoa.Holdon.YouthinkIdidit?!”

“Sitdown,”Captainretortswithauthority.“AsIsaidbefore,nooneisaccusingyou

ofanything,we’rejustlookingforclues.”

“Well,lookforthemelsewhere,Ihadnothingtodowithit!Someone’swalking

aroundwearingmyolduniform,pretendingtobeme,breakinglaws.HowcouldInot
beupset?Youshouldbelookingforthisguyandnotharassingme,forGod’ssake!”

Anhourlater,afterathoroughinterrogation,wesethimfree.
“Whatdoyouthink?”Captainasksme.
“Ibelievehe’stellingthetruth.Hisfacialexpressions,speechtone,eyes,his

gesticulation,itallpointstohimtellingthetruth.”

“Ithinkso,too,”Reevesnods.“Wecanrulehimout.”
“Shit.Ireallyhopedwehadalead.”
Ipulloutmyphoneandcallmydadtoupdatehimoneverythingthat’shappenedin

thelasttwodays.Asexpected,he’sconcerned.Heofferstosendmybrothersdown
heretohelp.IassurehimIhaveallthehelpIcouldgethereatthestationandthatI’ll
lethimknowifIneedextrabackup.EvenStephsoundedworriedformewhenIcalled
toaskforherhelpinfindingthemanwhotookApril.Isentherthefootageofthe
incidentontheparkinglotandgaveheradetaileddescriptionofthemanfromthe
sceneoftheaccident.Ifanyone’scapableoffindingaperpetratorwithsolittledata,it’s
Steph.Itrustinhercapabilities;shecanfindaneedleinaseaofhaystacks.

I’mkillingmyselfwithworryoverApril.Westilldon’thaveanytraceofherand

she’soutthere,injured,completelyhelplessandinthehandsofapsychopath.Ilether
down.Ishould’veprotectedherlikeIpromisedIwould.AndIfailedepically.

April

IDON’TKNOW

howlongI’vesleptafterheincapacitatedmewithsomething.AllI

knowisthatIwokeextremelydehydratedandwithaterribleheadache,asifIwas
recoveringfromaheavynightofdrinking.Idon’trememberthelasttimeIateandI
don’tevenfeelhunger,butthepaininmysideisstilleverpresent.Iwanttogetoutof
here.IneedtoknowwhathappenedtoJudeandifhe’sokay.WholeheartedlyI’m
prayingRonniehasn’thurthim,andbeinginthedarktearsmetopieces.IwishIcould
somehowcontacthimandtellhimwhereIam.WherethehelldidRonniehidethe

bracelet?

“Wherearemythings?”IaskRonniequietly.I’dnoticedrightawayIwasn’t

wearingJude’sbraceletanymoreandit’smylasthope-myonlywayoutofhere.Ineed
itback.IneedtohelpJudefindme.

“Iputthemaway.Youdon’tneedanything.Atleastnotwherewe’regoing.”
“We’releaving?Wherearewegoing?”Hopespringsupinme.PerhapsIcanfinda

waytoescapeifI’mnotlockedinthehouseanymore.

“Notyet.Soon.”
Ican’thidemydisappointment.“I’djustlikemybraceletback.Itmeanstheworld

tome.”

“No,youcandojustfinewithoutit.Don’tyouknowyou’rethemostbeautiful

withoutanyaccessoriesandunnecessarymakeup?Peopledon’tappreciatenatural
beautyenough.Butnotme.IknowwhatbeautyiswhenIseeit.Andyourbeauty,my
love,comesfromwithin.Iwanttopreserveitforever.Therearen’tmanypeoplewitha
heartasbeautifulandbigasyours.”

Idon’trespond.

ANHOURAGO

,Ronniesatmeonthecouchandjoinedme,forcingmetoswallowa

painkiller.Hekeepstalkingaboutourunionineternity.Everytimehesaysthat,
shiverseruptallovermybody.Idon’tknowwhathe’swaitingfor.Hesaysheneedsto
prepareme.Forwhat,Ihavenoclue.

“Whereareyougoing?”RonnieliftshisheadwhenIslowlygetupfromthecouch,

teethclenched.

“Myribshurtlikehell.I’llgograbsomesleep.Thecouchisuncomfortable.Ican’t

getsettled.”IhopeI’mbelievableenoughsohewon’tkeepdrillingme.

“Still?”hepincheshiseyebrowstogether.“Thepillhadn’tstartedworkingyet?Do

youwantmetogetyouanotherone?”

“No,no!”Iquicklyshakemyhead.I’malreadydazedenoughfromwhateverwasin

thatsyringeandIneedmymindclearandsober.“Ijustneedtorest,that’sall.”

“Okay.AndI’msorryaboutearlier.Ididn’twanttodrugyou,butyouleftmewith

nochoice.You’restuckhereandit’llbeeasierifyouacceptyourfate.”Ikeepmy
mouthshut.“Gorest,myangel.”Hestandsup,too,andcaressesmycheekwiththe
backofhishand.Turningmyheadtotheside,Imoveaway.Histouchdisgustsme.

IletoutasighofreliefwhenIreachthebedroomIfirstwokein.ThefirstthingIdo

istosearchalltheclosetsanddrawers.Iwon’tletpainandfatiguegettheupperhand,
soIkeepdigging.Ifindsomeclothesintheclosetthatlooklikethey’remysize,but
noneofthestuffIhadon,onthedayoftheaccident.Ibenddowntocheckunderthe
bed,wheezingandpanting,andIfinditimpossibletolifttheheavymattresstocheck
underit.Ilookintoeverynookandcreviceoftheroomand,whenIdon’tfind
anything,Isitdownonthebed,defeated.I’llnevergetoutofhereifIdon’tfindthe
bracelet.Think,April,think!

Aboutanhourlater,whenIreturntothelivingroom,Ronnieisnowhereinsight.I

checkthekitchentoo,butthere’snotraceofhimanywhere.Hashegoneout?Hope
bloomsinmychestagain.Thisismychancetofindawayout.

InthedaysI’vespenthere,IdiscoveredIwasinalogcabinbuiltcompletelyoutof

wood.Theheavywoodenshuttersonallthewindowsareclosedfromtheoutsideand
wouldn’tbudgeevenalittlewhenItriedopeningthemwhenRonniewasn’taround.
ThefrontdoorisalwayslockedandIneverhearanysoundsoutsidethatwould
indicatecarsdrivingbyorpeoplewalkingpastthecabin.

Iopenthelivingroomwindowandaminstantlygreetedbythechillyairinvading

thehouse.Itrytopushtheshuttersopenwithnoluck.IpickmybraintoseeifI’ve
seenanythinginherethatcouldhelpmeatleastloosenthem.Mygazelandsonachair
inthecorner.Idragittothewindow.Liftingitisprovingtobedifficultbecauseofmy
injury.“Damnit,”Ibreathe.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Ronnieisstandinginthemiddleofthelivingroom,watching

me,andheseemshurtbywhatI’mdoing.

“I…Umm…”
“Youcan’tgetoutofhere.Imadesureaboutthat.Can’tyousee?We’regoingto

spendourlastdayshere.”Hegrabsthechairandcarriesitbacktoitsusualspot.Then
hegrabsmyforearmandtakesmetothebedroom,pushingmeinside.Givingmeone
finallook,heslamsthedoorinmyfaceandlocksit.No!

“I’msorryaboutthat,”Ihearhismutedvoice.“Untilyoustartbehaving,you’re

goingtohavetostayinthere.Youleavemenootherchoice.Ifyouneedanything,just
shout.I’llberightthere.”

“Whatthefuck?”Iyell,bangingonthedoor.“Letmego!”
Hewalksaway,buthiswordsstillplayinmyhead:We’regoingtospendourlast

dayshere.I’vebeenturningablindeyetothetruthsoIdidn’tlosehopeaboutfindinga
wayoutofthishell,butnowI’mprettycertainI’mnevergettingoutofherealive.

SEVENTEEN

Jude

“STEPH

,tellmeyoufoundsomething,”Ianswerthecallfromourauntafewhours

later.

“Actually,Idid,”sheannouncesproudly.
“Doyouhaveaname?”
“Notonlythat.Ididsomedigging,lookedforanyoffenders,criminalrecords,

comparedpictures,andthenIfocusedonpeoplewithpriorstalkingcharges.Your
footagehelpedalot.Onenamepoppedup—RonJensen.Doesitringanybells?”

“No,haven’theardofhimbefore.Aprilnevermentionedhim.”WhenApril

compiledalistofpeopleLeoassociatedwithweinterrogatedeveryone,andRonJensen
wasn’toneofthem.“ButtherewasamannamedRonSmith.”

“I’llcheckandcallyoulateraboutit.AsforRonJensen,whenhewastwenty-onehe

stalkedagirlfromcollege.Apparently,hecouldn’thandletherejectionanddidn’ttake
noforananswer.Herfamilyfiledarestrainingorderagainsthimbutitdidn’thelp,
sincehestillshowedupatherdoorsteptalkingaboutloveandsacrifice,sotheywere
forcedtocallthepolice.Hewasarrestedbutgotoutprettyquicklyforgoodbehavior.
Thegirl’sfamilyhadtomoveoutofstatebecausetheywereafraidfortheirdaughter’s
life.Eversincehegotoutofjail,hehasn’tdoneanythingillegal.Hedoesn’tevenhave
speedingticket.Helaidlow.”

“Nodoubt,”Ihiss,“hemovedontoanewgirl,andI’msurehestartedplanninghow

togettoApril.Whenwashereleased?”

“Alittleovertwoyearsago.”
“Canyougetallthedataonhim?Hispicture,address,phonenumbers,bank

records,medicalrecords,anythingyoucanfindonsocialmedia?Ineedeverything,
eventhoughitseemsinsignificant.”

“I’mwayaheadofyou,Jude.Sendingyouane-mailaswespeak.”
“You’readarling,Steph.Idon’tknowwhatI’ddowithoutyou.”
“You’dbehelplesslikeanewborn,”shesings.
“True,”Ichuckle.“I’lltalktoyoulater.”

Iturnonthedeskcomputerandopenmye-mailaccount,refreshingthepageevery

fewsecondstoseeifIalreadyreceivedSteph’smail.Afewminutesseemlikean
eternityandI’mnervouslytappingmyfingersonthetable.WhenIfinallygetthe
emailandopenthefilesheattached,IclickonJensen’spicture.Ittakesanother
eternitytoopen.“Comeon,comeon,”Imutter,“damnslowinternet.”AndthenIsee
him-firsthisblondhair,thenhisdarkbrowneyes,asmallscarunderhislefteye,wide
nose,thinlipsandstrongjaw.“That’shim!”Ijumpupsomychairrollsonitswheels
backwards,hittingthedeskofthepolicemanbehindme.“Sorry,man.”Iraisemyhand
inapologywhenheraiseshiseyebrow.

“Iknowthisguy,”Guzmanapproacheswithacupofcoffeeinhishand.
“Youdo?”Iask,surprised.“How?”
“It’stheguyfromMissBrookes’slist.Devlin’sbestfriend.RonSmithorsomething.I

wenttohisplacewhenwewerestilllookingforLeo.Wethoughthemightbehidingat
Smith’splace.Hetoldushehasn’tseenhimforweeks.”

“HisnameisRonJensennotSmith.”
“Well,MissBrookesgaveusthisname.”
“Whichaddressdidshegiveyou?”Iask.“Isitthesame?”
“Givemeasecondtolookforit.”Twominuteslater,hereturnswithhisaddress.
“It’sdifferent,”webothagree.
Finally,allthepiecesaregettingtogether.That’swhyweneverthoughtofRon.

Whenthepolicecheckedhisfakename,hisrecordwasclean.HeliedtoAprilthis
wholetime.Andtous.Hewaslivingadoublelife.

Wegotyounow,youmotherfucker!
IheadtotheCaptain’soffice,knockandstickmyheadinside.
“Gotasecond?”
“Comein,”hewavesmein.
“IhavethenameoftheguywhokidnappedAprilandkilledLeo.”
“I’llbedamned.Howdidyoumanagethat?”Hiseyessparklewithexcitement.
“Isentmyassistantthephotofromtheparkinglotfootage.Iswear,Stephcando

magic.Shecandotheimpossible.”

“Shesoundslikesomeonewecouldusehereatthestation.”
IupdateCaptainonJensen.Hisbankrecordsshowhewithdrewhispaycheckthe

samedayhegotiteverymonthsothat’sadeadend.Itwould’vebeentooeasyifhe
usedhiscreditcardonadailybasissowecouldseewhereheuseditlastandwhere.
Phonecalllogsrevealnothingspecialexceptfortwocallstoalocalpharmacy.We
knowLeoDevlinwasdruggedbeforehewaskilled-injectedwiththesamesedativeas
me.Butthespecificbrandheusedcan’tbeobtainedwithoutaprescription,sohemust
havecalledthereforinformationandgothishandsonthesedativeinanillegalway,
whichhe’sapparentlyreallygoodat.

OurfirstobjectiveistosearchJensen’sapartmentandsearchforcluesthatcould

leadustoApril.

“JUDE

,getoverhere,”GuzmanyellsasI’mrummagingthroughRon’sbedroom.Ifind

nothingoutoftheordinary,justclothesintheclosetandafewbooksandmagazineson

thenightstand.

“Didyoufindanything?”IhurrytothestudywhereIfindGuzmanholdingastack

ofphotosinhishandsand,whenIgetcloser,Iseethey’reallofApril-Aprillaughing,
Aprilwithaseriousexpressiononherface,Aprilrunning,drinkingcoffeeorstaring
intothedistance.They’veallbeentakenfromafar,exceptforthebiggestone.Onit
she’sgrinning,lookingtrulyhappy,withlaughterinherbeautifulblueeyes.Wind
musthavebeenblowingthatdaybecauseshe’sholdingherhairdownwithonehand.I
runafingeracrossthephoto.Clenchingmyjaw,Imoveontotheothercontentsofthe
cabinet.Ifindwomen’sthings—showergel,ahairbrush,somepairsofunderwear,
bracelets.April’sstuff.

“Thismaniscrazy,”Guzmanshakeshishead.
Iopenthecabinetdoortotherightandtakealookinside.Jensenusedittostorehis

documents,plans,lettersandallsortsofotherpapers.BeforeItouchanything,Itake
pictures.Ifindinformationonseveralsortsofsedativesheprintedofftheinternet,
abouttheireffects,howlongtheylast,howstrongtheyare,andIstopscanningthe
documentwhenIgettothebrandheusedonLeoandme.Lookingatthe
recommendeddose,IseetheamountheusedonLeowasmuchbiggerthanwhathe
usedonme.

“Fucker,”Icurse.“Hemust’veplannedthisformonths!Look,”IsaytoGuzman,

pointingtothedateonthetopofthedocument.“Sixmonthsago.”

“Whatisthis?”Beckermumblesandpullsanotherstackofpapersoutthecabinet.

“Sacrifice?Thisguyreallyiswacked.Seriously?Likeit’stheMiddleAges.”

“Sacrifice?Letmesee.”Ireadthearticlenoteontheprocedureofsacrificeandlife

afterdeath.There’sevenapictureofamanandawomanlayingonthefloornextto
eachother,holdinghands,withforearmssplitopen,theirbloodflowingoutintoawell
orsomething.

“Didn’tthatDevlinguyhavehishandcutopenlikethis?”Guzmanraiseshis

eyebrow.

Achillrunsdownmyspine.IsheintendingtosacrificeApril?Butwhydidheneed

Devlinthen?”

“Yes,”Isay,lettingoutacolorfulstringofcurses.
“DoyouthinkheplanstodothesamewithMissBrookes?”Guzmanasksaquestion

Ihaven’tbeenabletovoicealoudmyself.

“Idon’tknow.He’sdefinitelyplanningsomething,otherwisehewouldn’thave

takenher.MaybeDevlinwasaguineapigandApril’stherealdeal.”Mystomach
clenchesatthesoundofit.

“Therearetwopeopleonthephotoofthisarticle,butweonlyfoundonevictim,

Leo.Isthereanotherbodyoutthere?OrisAprilgoingtobethesecondvictim?”

“That’sthemilliondollarquestion,”Itellhim.“We’llgettothebottomofthis.Ionly

hopewewon’tbetoolate.”

RonJensenisanelectricianwhichexplainsthestateoftheartcameraswefoundin

April’shouse.Ifindtwomoreinthemakinginoneofthedrawersinthehallway
closet.Heplannedthewholethingforalongtime,andverythoroughly,Irealize.

Ifwedon’tfindAprilsoonI’mafraidit’sgoingtobetoolateandIcan’tletthat

happen.Butthefactiswe’rerunningoutoftime.AndIstillhavenoclueastowhere

Jensencouldbehidingher.Myheartisbreaking.Iwouldgiveanythingtotradeplaces
withAprilrightnow.

Webageverythingasevidenceandtakeittothepolicestation.IthoughtI’dfeel

betteroncewelearnedthepsycho’sname,butitdoesn’tmeananythingifwecan’tfind
himanywhere.AndunlessIfindanotherwaytogettoherI’mafraidApril’sgoingtobe
hisnextvictim.Theguyisobsessedwiththeideaofpossessingher,andmadnesshas
takenoverhismind.He’snotthinkingstraight,andI’mworriedImightbetoolate.

April

“IT’STIME

.”Ronniehurriesintothebedroom,draggingmeoffthebed.

“Timeforwhat?”Iexclaim.OnthesurfaceItrytomaintainacalmfaçade,buton

theinsideI’mshakingwithfear,myheartpounding.Iknowwhathe’splanningtodo
andIstillhaveashredofhopeinsideI’msomehowgoingtoescapethisfate.

“Foroureternity.”
“Ouch!”Iyelp.“Thathurts.”HisgriponmyarmissostrongIfeelitalltheway

downtomyribs.

“I’msorry.”Heloosensthegripslightly.“Soon,youwon’tfeelpainanymore.It’llall

feelsomuchbetter.”HepullsasetofkeysoutofhispocketanddragsmetothedoorI
presumeleadstothebasement.Idon’tdaredoanythingtoprovokehimashe’s
holdingasyringeintheotherhand.

Whenheunlocksthedoor,Ronnieturnsthelightson,whichblinkafewtimes

beforetheylightup,andI’mdraggeddownthestairs.Itsmellslikesomethingcrawled
downhereanddied.Thewallsaremadeofstone,asopposedtotherestofthehouse.
It’sreallycold.Whenwereachthefootofthestairs,thefirstthingInoticearetwo
hospitalbedsinthemiddleoftheroom.

“Whatarewedoinghere?”I’mlookingaround,takingintheroomI’min.There’sa

woodentableinthecornerofthebasementandbesideitanoldmetalclosetwithtools
andachair.It’sasmallroom.

“Sitdown,”henodstooneofthebeds.
“Whatareyouplanningtodo?”Myvoiceisshaky.
“Doyoubelieveinlifeafterdeath?”heasksoverhisshoulder,standingatthe

woodentable.

“Notreally,”Ianswercarefully.
“Ido.Andtheybelievedinlifeafterdeathinthepast,too.”Heslowlywalkstoward

mewithasyringeinhishand.Myeyesarefocusedonthegiantneedle.Istartbacking
awayfromhim,notwantinghimtodrugmeagain.

“Youdon’tneedthatthing,”myvoiceisshakyandlacedwithterror.“Iobeyed.Idid

everythingyouaskedme.”

“Ikindofdoubtyou’llliedownwillinglyonthebed.Thiswillmakethingseasier.”
“I’llliedown,Ipromise.Please,I’mafraidofneedles,”Itrystalling.“Whyarewe

here?”

“Ialreadytoldyou.It’stime.Todayisthedaywe’llbejoinedineternity,sacrificing

ourbodiessooursoulswillbeforeverunitedintheafterlife.”

“What?Youactuallybelievethisshit?”
“Thisisnoshit.Inthepast,peopleweresacrificedtogodstoprovetheirfaith.Now,

I’msacrificingusinexchangeforoureternallove.Ifyoucan’tlovemeinthislife,
you’lllovemeinthenextone.”

“Iwon’tloveyouinanyfuckinglife,thisoneortheoneafterdeath!”Iyell.“You’re

outofyourmind.Howcanyoueventhinkthatdeathisthesolution?”Panicstarts
overtakingmysenses.“Ifyoulovedmeyouwouldn’twanttokillme.”

“I’mdoingthisforus.It’sbetterthisway.”Howcanhebesocalm?
“Forwhom?Definitelynotforme,”Itrytoreasonwithhim.“Whytoday?”Think,

April,think.Youneedtofindawayoutofhere.Youcanonlystallhimforsolong.

“Don’tyouremember?Exactlytwoyearsago,wefirstlaideyesoneachother.And

today,we’llbeunitedineternity.Itcan’tbemoreperfectthanthat,”hesayssoftly.

Ichoosethismomenttopushthebedonwheelsintohim,causinghimtofalltothe

ground.IrunasfastasIcantotheclosetinthecorner,pullingthedooropen,
searchingforaweaponorsomethingthatcouldgetmeoutofhere.There’snothingon
theshelvesexceptforsomeplasticcontainers.Lookingaround,Isuddenlynotice
somethingmetalandshiny,halfcoveredwithablanket,butIrecognizeitimmediately.
It’sthedecorativeplateonmypurse.Ipounceonit,pullingthezipperopen,and
rummagethroughthecontents,prayingheputallmybelongingsinthere.Whereisit?
Whereisit?Please,behere.Please.I'mfeverishlyrummagingthroughmypurse,my
panicincreasingwitheachpassingsecond.Dumpingthecontentsontothefloor,I’m
abouttogiveupallhopewhenmyeyesfinallylandonitand,sighingwithrelief,I
squeezeittightlyinmyfist.Mywayoutofhere.

Unfortunatelymyreliefiscutshortas,inthenextmoment,Ifeelanalready

familiarpainstartingtospreadallovermybody.

“No!”Ishriekweakly,andmyeyeswidenasmylimbsareturningtolead.

Awkwardly,Ireachtowardthesourceofthepain,butmyarmdoesn’twanttoobey
andmyvisionturnsblurry,fasterthistime.Imanagetoturnaround.He’sstandingin
frontofmewithanemptyneedleinhishandandI’mslowlyfallingtotheground...

Jude

I’MGOING

crazywithworryandI’mnottheonlyone.Max’sbeencallingmeevery

twohoursdemandingupdatesandmyanswerissadlythesameeverytime–wehave
nothing.IfeelhorribleforlettingMaxdown.Hehiredmetoprotecthislittlesisterand
Ifailedmiserably.It’sbeenthreedayssinceshe’dbeentakenandthestatisticssay
there’slesschanceoffindinghereveryhourthatgoesby.First48hoursarecrucialand
they’velongpassed.Whyhasn’tAprilusedherbracelet?Hasshelostitintheaccident?

Isshesobadlyinjuredshecan’tuseit?Idon’twanttothinkofthatscenario.I’mstill
hopefulIhaven’tlosther.We’llfindhersomehow,andshe’llbealright.

Ispentthemajorityoflastnightresearching.Hehastokeephersomewhere

private,butwe’vecheckedallthepropertiesheowns,thepropertieshisparentsand
otherrelativesown,andnoluck.Wehaveapolicecarstakingouthisplace24/7incase
heappears.

It’slateafternoonandI’vegonethroughJensen’sfilefortheumpteenthtime,when

myphonestartsbeepingfuriously.Ifreezeinmyspot.Blinkingonce,Irealizewhat
hasjusthappened.April.SheturnedontheGPSsignal.HopespringsupinmeandI
jumptomyfeet,feelinglikeamountainhasbeenjustliftedoffmychest.Noone
knowsthetruepurposeofthebraceletsoitmusthavebeenApril.She’salive.

“Becker,Guzman,getoverhere!”Iyell.Ifindherlocationimmediately.Thesignal’s

comingfromNewHampshire,agoodhourawayfromhere.Inthevicinityofsome
lake.Wenevercould’veguessedhe’dtakenherthere,butitmakessense.Thelocation
isfarenoughfromthecitytofeelsafe.Touristsareforbiddenfromenteringonto
privatepropertysoit’sisolatedenoughnoonecouldhearherscreamsincaseshe
yelledforhelp.I’mnotsurewhatstateI’llfindherin,butshe’salive,andthat’sallthat
matters.

“Hey,youcalled?”Guzmancomesthroughthedoor.Beckerfollows.
“IhaveApril’slocation.GetbackupandI’llnotifytheCaptain.Weneedtogonow.”
“Sure,we’reonit.Meetusintheparkinglotinten?”
“Yes,thesoonerthebetter.Wehavesomerescuingtodo.”

WEBREAK

intothelogcabinthat’ssurroundedwithcops.Thistimehe’snotgetting

away.Wespreadthroughoutthehouseandit’ssoonapparentnooneishere.ButI
knowforcertainAprilwashere;Icouldrecognizeherscenteverywhere.There’sone
doorwehaven’topenedyet,andIswallowhardatthethoughtofwhatcouldbe
waitingforusbehindthosedoors.ThedoorisunlockedsoIopenit,andasmellof
moldhitsmefirst.ThelightsareonandIrundownthestairs,policemenafterme.We
stopinourtrackswhenwetakeinthesightbeforeus.AprilandRonareeachlyingon
theirownbed,theirforearmscutopen.Ron’sclutchingApril’shandastheirbloodis
drippingdowntothefloor.Justlikethepicturefromthearticlewefound.

“No!”Iyellandruntoher.Twopolicementrytostopme,butIshakethemoffand

reachthebedsinthreelongstrides.Ron’sstillconscious,hisheadturningtowardthe
noisewe’remaking.

“Leaveus,”hewhispershoarsely,andI’msureittookhimalotofefforttospeak.I

ignorehim,onlyfocusingonApril,lyingstillandlifelessinfrontofme.Hereyesare
closed,herusuallyoliveskinisashenwhite,andsheshowsnosignsoflife.

I’mafraidtotouchherbecausesheseemssofragile,butIstillpressmyhandson

herbleedingarmtostopthebloodfromspillingoutsoviolently.Hopelessly,I’m
standingbesideherandIslowlyliftonehandtocheckthepulseatherneck.I’m
prayinghardshe’sstillaliveand,whileI’mwaitingtoseeifIsenseherpulse,I’m
startingtofeelmoreandmorepanicked.ButthenIfeelit.Aslow,weakpulseunder
myfingers.Reliefwashesovermeinsuchastrongwavemyheadstartsspinning.The

pulseisalmostnonexistent,butit’sthere,andthat’swhatgivesmehope.April’sstrong;
she’llsurvivethis.

“April,staywithme.Please,staystrong,”Ibegher,whisperingwordsof

encouragementintoherear.I’msoinvolvedinwhatI’mdoingIdon’tevenhear
GuzmanandBeckercallingmyname.TwoEMTspushmetothesideandstartworking
onApril’sarm.

“She’salive,”Itellthem,dazed.“Ifeltherpulse.”
Beckerstepsclosertopullmeawayfromtheparamedicssotheycandotheirjob

withoutinterruptions.Idon’twanttogetbackanyfurther.Ineedtostayclosetoher.
She’dbeenonherownforwaytoolong.

IseeEMTsareworkingonthatfuckerJensentoo.Mybloodboils.“Whatthehellare

youdoing?”Iask,furious.

“Please,stepaside,we’retryingtohelphim.”
“You’rekidding,right?Thisguykilledamanandalmostsucceededinkillingher,

too,”IpointmyhandtoApril,“andyou’retryingtosavehissorryass?Lethimdie,”I
hiss.Beckersqueezesmyshouldertomakemecalmdown,butIdon’tstop.“He
doesn’tdeservetolive!”

“O’Rilley,stayoutofit,”Beckercalmsme.“Comeon,let’sgetsomefreshairandlet

themdotheirthing.”

“No!”IdisengagefromhisholdandgobacktoApril’sbed.Despitetheuglylooksthe

EMTsarethrowingme,Itakeherhealthyhandinmineandsqueezetightly.Sheneeds
tosurvivethis.Shemust.

“Let’sgetthemoutofhere,”oneoftheEMTssays.
“CanIridewithher?”Iplead.
TheEMTssharealook.“Onlyifyoustayoutofourway.We’retryingtohelphere.”
“Ipromise.Youhavemyword.Ijustwanttostaybyherside.”
“Okaythen.Let’shurry.”
Withthecornerofmyeye,Ispysomethingsilverinthepoolofbloodonthefloor

bythebedshewason.Irunoverandseeit’sabracelet.ThebraceletIgaveher,which
ledustoher.Isqueezeitinmyfist,notcaringit’sfullofblood,closemyeyesfora
second,andrunupstairstotheambulance.

EIGHTEEN

Jude

MAX

,hiswife,andIareinthewaitingroomofthehospitalwaitingforanynewson

April’srecovery.Istillhavethescenefromthebasementinfrontofmyeyes;it’llbe
burnedintomymindforever-April,lyingonabed,unconscious,everydropofblood
drippingfromherhand,shorteningherchancesofgettingoutalive.Andherashen
whitefacethatshowednosignsoflifewillforeverhauntme.I’veneverbeenso
terrifiedinmylifeasIwastoday,whenIthoughtweweretoolate.Shelookedsotiny
andfragile.AndthereliefIfeltwhenIfeltherpulsewasindescribable.Itgavemeback
myhope,hopethatAprilisgoingtoopenherbeautifuleyeseventually.Idon’teven
wanttothinkabouthowmanyminutesorsecondsshehadleftonthattablebasedon
theamountofbloodonthefloor,toomuchbloodevenfortwopeople…Isqueezemy
eyesshutandshakemyhead.

ThankGodshemanagedtopressthebuttononherbraceletintimeorwewouldn’t

bestandinghere,waitingtoseeher,totalktoher.Idoubtwe’deverevenfoundherifit
wasn’tforthebracelet.

IfIhadanysayinit,I’dletthefuckerRonbleedoutnexttoApril.Hedoesn’t

deservetobreathethesameairasher.Butthey’refightingforhislifeafewrooms
over.Ifhesurvivesbysomemiracle,I’lldoeverythinginmypowertomakesurehe
neverseesthelightofdayagain.

WelearnedafterwardthatRonleasedthelogcabinafewmonthsinadvanceandhe

musthavebeenwithdrawinghispaycheckeverymonthsohecouldpayforthecabin
withcash,whichcannotbetraced.Heusedanotherfakenameandevenpaidextraso
theneighboringhouseswouldbevacantatthetimeofhisstaythere.Theownerofthe
logcabinadmittedthatRontoldhimhewasplanningaminihoneymoonwithhiswife
anddidn’twantanyonetodisturbthem.Theownerdidn’taskanymorequestions
sinceRonpaidcashinadvance.

MaxandAmandaaresittingonthebench,embraced,bothsilentandstaringatthe

ground,holdinghands.I’mpacingthecorridor,unabletositstill.Ijustwanttohear
April’sgoingtobealright.

“MissBrookes’family?”Iturntowardatiredvoice.Anolderfemaledoctorinscrubs

stopsinfrontofus.

“I’mherbrother.Howisshe?”Maxsays,heandAmandajumpingtotheirfeet,still

holdinghands.

“MynameisDoctorQuinn.IwasthedoctoroncallwhenMissBrookeswasbrought

in.Shewasweak,havinglostalotofblood.LuckilyherbloodtypeisA+,whichispretty
common,sotherewerenocomplications.Westitchedherforearm,andIthinkit’ssafe
tosayshe’sdoingwell.She’llhaveanastyscartoremindherofthisday,butIthink
that’snotsuchabigdealafterallshe’sbeenthrough.Herribsareseverelybruised,
crackedinsomeplaces,bythelookofthebruisesit’smostlikelyduetotheaccident
youmentionedearlier.HerheadCTcamebackclean,butshewasadministeredalarge
doseofsedative,soyoushouldexpectdizziness,headachesandweakness,whichis
alsotheresultoflosingsomuchblood.”

“So,she’llbealright?”Maxasks,fearandhopemixedinhisvoice.
“Yes,”thedoctorgiveshimasmile.“She’llbealright.She’llneedlotsofrestsoshe’ll

gainherstrengthback,andsheneedstowatchherribsaswellasthestitchesonher
forearm.”

“Whencanweseeher?”Iask.
“Tomorrow.WestillneedtodosometestssoI’madvisingyoutoallgohome.It’s

late,andyoucancomebacktomorrowduringvisitinghours.”

Wedidasthedoctorasked,butweren’ttoohappyaboutit.IstayedthenightatMax

andAmanda’s.Icouldn’tgobacktoApril’shouse.

“APRIL

,”IwhisperasIwalkintoherhospitalroomthatsmellslikedisinfectant.Legs

shaking,IgettoherbedandItakemytimewatchingher,theslowrisingandfallingof
herchest.Shestilllookslikeshedidyesterday,whenwefoundher,exceptthatnow
she’scoveredinwhitebandages.Herskinisstillashenwhite,hopefullyit’llsoonrevert
toherusualolive,sun-kissedcolor.She’slyingonthebed,motionless,hereyesclosed.
Idragachairtoherbedandholdhergoodhand.

“Youhavenoideahowmanygrayhairsyougaveme.”Mylipsformasmallsmile.

“Youhaveabsolutelynoideahowterrifiedwewere.”Ibrushmythumboverher
hand.“I’msohappyyou’regoingtobealright.Youcan’timaginehowhappyIam.”I
takeadeepbreath,thenexhaleslowly.“I’mtheonetoblameforwhathappenedto
you.IfI’dbeenmorecareful,thiswouldn’thavehappened.That’swhyIdistanced
myselfemotionallyfromyou.IhadtoifIwantedtodomyjob.ButIguessthatwasn’t
enough.”Ipause.“Icouldn’tforgivemyselfifyoudied.MaxandAmandaneedyou.
Emma’sbeenaskingforyou.EvenBellaisn’tthesamesinceyou’vebeenaway.She
missesyou,”IsmileatthethoughtofherspoiledcatandIkeepstaringatherbeautiful
face.

“Ihopeyou’llsoongetbacktobeingtheold,annoyingApril.Theonewhogoton

mynervesandconstantlydefiedme.Princess,”Ichuckle,shakingmyhead.“Iknow
youdon’twantmecallingyouthat.Iactuallyreallyenjoyedwhenyouweremaking
mecrazy.Andso,you’vegrownonme,alot.Thisisyou.Youdon’tneedtochangefor
anybody.Beyourself.You’vealreadyproventobebraveandlovingandcaring.I’ll

neverforgetthat.I’llneverforgetyou.You’reunforgettable,”Ismile.“Youprobably
alreadyguessedthisisagoodbye.I’mleaving.Idon’tdeserveyou—especiallysinceI
wasn’tevenabletoprotectyouproperly.Andyouknowmyjobismylife.It’sallI’m
goodat.Mattersoftheheartaren’tforme.I’mworkingfromdawntodusk.You’d
resentme,andbesides,youdeservemore.ButI’mgladyou’reoutofdangerandthat
yougotyouroldlifeback.”

Istandup,kissingherforehead,lingeringthereforawhile.“You’rethefirstwoman

tostirupastormofemotionsinmeandIcanseemyselffallinghardforyou.IthinkI
alreadyhavefallenforyou.You’rereallysomethingspecial,AprilBrookes.”Reaching
inmypockettoretrievethebraceletthatsavedherlife,Ifastenitaroundherwrist.
Takingadeepbreathtocollectmyself,Itakeonelastlookatherandheadoutofher
room,outofherlife.Forever.Mypalmsaresweaty,myheartpoundinginmychest.
It’sforthebest,Itellmyself.

“Leavingalready?”MaxexclaimsinsurprisewhenIwalkpasthimandAmanda

standingbythecoffeemachine,holdingpapercoffeecups.TheywentintoseeApril
beforemeandtheyplanonstayingthewholeday.I’mgladshehassuchlovingfamily,
alwaysbyherside,takingcareofher.I’mcomfortedbytheideaI’mleavingherin
goodhands.

“Yes,”Inod,notsparingthemalook.
“Seeyoulater?”heaskshopefully.
Hisquestionstopsmeinmytracks.“Um…”Iclearmythroat,tryingtofindtheright

wordstoanswerhim,butbeforeIcanrespondtheexpressiononmyfaceprobably
tellshimeverything.Hiseyesgodark.

“You’releaving,aren’tyou?”I’msurprisedathiscalmtone,butIseehow

disappointedheis.

“Yes,”Isay,stillavoidinghisgaze.
“Why?”
Why?Idon’tevenknowthatmyself.“She’sbetteroffwithoutme.”
“Andyou’renotevengivingAprilachancetodecidethat?You’reapussy,”heblows

outabreath,shakinghishead.“Youknow,whenIcaughtyoutwoinherkitchen,”Max
grimaces,“doingwhateveryouweredoing,Ididn’twantyouanywherenearher.I
knewwhatyouwerelikeandyetIgaveyouachance,becauseofher.Sheaskedmeto
takeiteasyonyou,andforamomentthereIevenbelievedyou’vechanged.Shewas
thehappiestI’veeverseenher.ButnowIseeyou’restilltheassholeyouwerebackin
college.”

“IknowIam,”Idon’tcontradicthim.
Heturnsevenredder.“Youcould’veatleastwaitedforhertowakeup.Ifyoucould

fuckher,youcouldatleasthavetheballstotellhertoherfaceyou’releaving.”

“I’msorry.”
“Sorry?”hesnorts.“Motherfucker!”He’srightinfrontofmeintwolongstridesand

hepunchesmyface.Myheadsnapsback,bloodspillingfrommynose.Iwelcomethe
pain.Iwipemynosewiththebackofmyhand,butthebleedingdoesn’tstop.Idon’thit
himback.Ideservedthepunch.Iwelcomeit.Ifitmadehimfeelbetter,hecanpunch
meagainasfarasI’mconcerned.Iwon’tresist.He’sright—Ican’tfaceApril.IfIwent
intotalktoherwhenshe’sawake,Iwouldn’tbeabletoleave.AndIneedtoleave.

Amandastepsbetweenusandasecurityguardisrunningourway,butIholdmy

handsuptosignalmysurrender.I’mnotplanningonfightingMax.Iturnonmyheel
andwalkdownthecorridortowardtheexit.AwayfromApril.

“Youfuckingcoward!”Maxyellsafterme.

April

IHEARDISTANTVOICES

.Itseemslikethey’remilesaway.AndIthinkIrecognize

them.

“Ithinkshe’swakingup,”afemalevoicesays.Achairscreechingmakesmyears

bleed.

“Getthedoctor,”amansays.ThedoorslamsshutandIfeelthewarmthofatouch

onmyhand.“April?”Someonestrokesmycheek.

Myeyelidsflutter,butIcan’topenmyeyesbecausethelightblindsme.Iblinkafew

moretimestogetusedtothelight,andslowly,Iopenmyeyes.

“April?”IseeMax’sfacerightaboveme,smiling.Helooksrelieved.“Youhaveno

ideahowniceitistoseeyouwithyourbeautifuleyesopen.”

“Whathappened?”MyvoiceishoarselikeIhaven’tspokeninawhileandmy

mouthfeelslikeIatesand.

“Youdon’tremember?”Ishakemyhead.Maxcloseshiseyes.“Perhapsit’sbetter

thisway.”Onecornerofhismouthturnsupandherunsthebackofhishandovermy
cheek.“IthoughtI’dneverbeabletotalkwithyoulikethisagain.”

“Why?”Whatdoeshemean?
“Youreallydon’trememberanything?”
Ishakemyheadagain.“No.AmIinthehospital?”
“Yes.Ronnie...”
“Oh,God,Ronnie,”Iscream,twistinginbed,asitallsuddenlycomesbacktome.

“Hekidnappedme.Druggedme!”

“Iknow.Butyou’resafenow.Hecan’thurtyouanymore.”
“Wh-whathappened?Howdidyoufindme?”
“Jude,um...,”Maxclearshisthroat,“hetrackedtheGPSsignalyourbracelet

transmitted.”

“Jude.Shit.Howishe?”Myheartstartsracingandthemachinemonitoringmy

heartstartsbeepinglikecrazy.

“Shh,calmdown.Youneedrest.”
“Theaccident,”Irepeat.“Where’sJude?Hashegottenhurtintheaccident?Iwas

worriedsickabouthim.”

Maxlooksatme,remorseinhiseyes.Whyishelookingatmelikethat?
“What?”
“He’sfine,”hesaysthroughclenchedteeth.“Buthe’snothere.”
“He’snothere,”Irepeatafterhim.“Okay,thenwhereishe?Iwanttothankhim.”

Maxpurseshislips,turningawayfromme.“Max?”Thedoortomyroomsuddenly
opens,thedoctorandAmandasteppingintotheroom.Amandarunstomyside,giving
meagentlehug.

“We’vemissedyou!”sheexclaims.Igiveherassmallsmile,stillwaitingforMax’s

response.

ThedoctortellsmehernameisDr.Quinn.Sheexaminesme,andIcan’twaitfor

hertoleave,soIcanspeaktoMax.“Good.Thewound’sheelingnicely,butI’mafraid
you’renotgoingtogetawaywithoutascar.”

“Huh?”IraisemygazetoDr.Quinn.“Whatwound?”Shepointstomybandaged

arm.Ifurrowmyeyebrows.

“Yourwrist’sbeencutopen,butyouhavenothingtoworryabout.It’shealingwell.”
“What?!”Iraisemyselfononeelbow,butI’mtoodizzytositup.Ilookatmyneatly

bandagedforearm.

“Wefoundalargedoseofsedativesinyoursystemandit’shighlylikelyyoudon’t

recallcertainthingsduetothetraumaticeventsyou’veendured,combinedwithallthe
sedatives.”

“Whattraumaticevent?Youmeanthekidnapping?Ofcourse,Irememberit.And

theaccident.Ijustdon’trememberthishappening,”Iadmit,pointingmyheadtomy
arm.I’mconfused.Whyaretheyallstaringatme?“What?”

“Webarelygottoyouintime,”Maxsays,atearrollingdownhischeek.“AndRon,

themanyoutrusted,betrayedyourtrustandLeo’s.Hefooledusall.”

Isqueezemyeyebrowstightlytogether,shuttingmyeyes.“Iknow,”Inod.
Memoriesfloodmymindagain.Theconstantdizziness,nausea,thepain,syringes.

I’llseeyouontheotherside,Ihearhimsay,andfeelhislipsonmyforehead.The
sedativejustworeoff,soIfeeleverythingwhenRonniecutsintomyarmwithacold
metalblade,allthewayfrommywristtotheelbow.Atearslidesdownmycheek.
Ronnie.Howcouldhehavedonethistome?Pressingahandtomymouth,Ifrantically
lookaroundmyself,andthedoctorpushesakidneydishinfrontofme.Thereisn’t
muchtothrowup.Imostlyjustdryheave.

Ibreakdownintears.AmandaandMaxarerightbesideme,tryingtocomfortme.I

wishIlostmemoryofthewholeordeal.Thatwouldbesomucheasier.

“Wha-whathappenedtohim?”Imanagetosaythroughsobs.TheyknowwhoI’m

talkingabout.

Maxpurseshislipsandthedoctorrespondstomyquestion.“He’sinourcareas

well.He’sawakeandresponding.Butdon’tworry,he’sunderconstantpolicecontrol,
hecan’tescapeandhewon’thurtyou.Assoonashe’srecovered,we’llhandhimover
totheauthorities.”

“Heshould’vedied,”Maxgetsupset.“He’sthereasonIalmostlostmysister.”
“It’salright,Max.”Iplaceahandonhisarm.“I’mokaynow,really.”I’mnotupset

bythethoughtofhavingRonniesoclose,eventhoughIshouldbe.Hewantedtokill
me.Yethedidn’tseeitthatway.Hewascertainthatifhecutopentheveinsinour
armsandbleedsustodeaththatwe’llbeunitedineternity.He’sasickmanandhe
needsmedicalhelp.Ireallyhopehegetsit;Idon’twanthimtohurtanyoneelse.ButI
neverwanttoseehimagain.Itwouldbringbacktoomanypainfulmemories.

Thedoctorleavesus,sayingshe’llbebackinafewhoursduringrounds.Maxsitson

therightsideofmybedandAmandatakestheother.

“Whywon’tyoutellmewhereJudeis?”IaskMaxagain.Ireallywanttoseehim.

Before,heavoidedthequestion,butnowI’mnotlettinghimoffthehook.Ineedto
know.Hedropshisgazetohishandsandheexhales.IlooktoAmanda.

“I’llleaveyoutwotospeak,”Amandasaysandgetsoffthebed,hugsmeand

disappearsfromtheroom.

“Max?Didsomethinghappentohim?Tellmehe’snothurt.”Myvoicegetsshaky

andI’mterrifiedhe’sgoingtotellmebadnews.

“He’sfine,likeIalreadytoldyou,”heassuresme,buthe’snotlookingmeinthe

eyeswhenhesaysthatandhekeepssqueezingmygoodhand,whereIseethebracelet
Judegaveme.Isighinrelief,theracingofmyheartslowingdown.He’sfine.Sowhyis
Maxdodgingmyquestions?

“Whataren’tyoutellingme?Lookmeintheeyes,please.”
Hefinallyliftshisgazeandhiseyeslockwithmine.Iseeangerthere,burningfury.

“Judewentbackhome,”hegritsout.

“Okay,sohewenthome.”IhopedI’dgettoseehim,totellhimthings.Ialmosttold

himhowIfeltasIwasstandingbytheentranceoftheFenwayParkwaitingformy
stalker,andIprobablywouldhave,ifIwasn’tinterruptedbythehomelessman.He
needstoknowI’minlovewithhim.

“No,April,youdon’tunderstand.Heleftyou.He’snotcomingback.”Hiswordsstab

mestraightintheheart.“Hewentawayandhe’llnevercomeback.Assoonashe
foundoutyouweregoingtobeokay,hetookoff.”

MyheartcriesinpainandIsniff,turningawayfromhim.Heleftmeandhe’snot

comingback.Heleftme.I’dfeltthechangeinhisbehaviortowardmebeforeIwas
takenandhe’sgottenclosedoff.Ithoughthewasjustworriedaboutthestalker,
determinedtofindhim.ButIneverimaginedhe’dleavemewithoutevensaying
goodbye.Hecould’veatleastwaitedformetowakeup.Idon’tknowwhatthatthing
betweenuswas,butIthoughtwegotalongwellandIhopedhe’dgiveusashot.It
seemsIwastheonlyonehavingthesefeelings.Idon’tknowwhatIwasthinking.I
should’veknownIcan’texpectanythingfromhim.He’snotbuiltthisway,yethis
feelingsformefeltreal,atleastwhenweweretogether.Ifeltitinmygut.

“I’msorry,”Maxsays.
Ishakemyhead,placingahandovermymouth.“Couldyou,”Isob,“leave?”
“I’dratherstaywithyou.”
“Please,Max.Ineedtobealonenow.”Igentlygrazethebracelet,barelyholding

myselftogether.

“Okay,ifyousayso.”Hepressesakisstomyforehead,walkstothedoor,andlooks

backonelasttimebeforeheleaves.WhenIhearthedoorcloseafterhim,Ibreak
down.Icry,partlybecauseofeverythingthathappenedwithRonnie,butmostly
becauseofJudeandwhatcould’vebeen.

NINETEEN

Afewmonthslater-August

Jude

“YOULOOKLIKESHIT

,man,”ColegreetswhenIopenmyfrontdoor.

“Ifyoucameheretoannoyme,youcanjustturnaroundandleave.”Ileavehim

standingthereandwalkbackinside.Idon’tneedhimlecturingme,too.Ialreadyfeel
likeshitwithouteveryonebustingmyass.Grabbingabeerfromthefridge,Iplopback
downonthecouch.

“Ijustcametoseehowyou’redoing.”
“Youjustsawmeattheoffice.Beer?”
“No,I’vegotacasewaitingforme.Ionlystoppedbyforafewminutes.Whenare

youthinkingofcomingback?”

“Comingback?Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?I’mrighthere.”
“Maybephysically,butnotmentally.Ittakesyoulongertosolvecasesthanbefore

andyou’renotascarefulasyouusedtobe.Youmakemistakes,yousnapatpeople.
You’renothinglikeyourusualself.”

“Didtheoldmansendyou?”
“Noonesentme,Jude.I’mherebecausesomeoneneedstokickyoursorryass.Stop

mopingaroundandactlikeaman.EversinceApril’scaseyoulooklikeaheapof
misery.”

“Weallhavebaddays.”
“Baddays?Morelikebadmonths.GobacktoAprilandtellherhowyoufeelabout

her.Swallowyourpride,thatbigegoofyours,andadmityou’vebeenwrong.Weall
makemistakesandyou’renoexception.Perhaps,ifyou’relucky,shemighteven
forgiveyou,eventhoughyou’reatotalshithead.”

“You’reashithead.”Liftingacanofbeertomymouth,Iletthecoldliquidrundown

mythroat.

“Fine,haveityourway.JessieandIaren’tgoingtokeeponsavingyourpatheticass

forever.”

“Fuckyou!HowmanytimeshaveIhadtodragyoursorryassesoutoftrouble?”
Coleholdshishandsinsurrender.“Okay,man.I’llleaveyoualone.IseeI’mnot

gettinganywherewithyou.Andplease,takeafewdaysofftogetyourshittogether.
Youcan’tlivelikethisanymore.”Heturnsaroundandwalksthroughthedoor.Ithrow
anemptycanafterhim,cursingfuriously.

He’sright.Iknowhe’sright.I’mslackingatworkwhichisnotlikeme.Anda

womanistoblameforeverything.Afuckingwomanwithbigblueeyes,prettyhairand
lusciouscurves.AwomanI’vefalleninlovewith.There,Isaidit.I’minlovewithher.I
neverthoughtI’dfeellikeapartofmyheartwasmissing,Ileftitwithher.Forsome
reason,Idon’twantitback.Iwanthertokeepitwithher.AndsinceI’maselfish
bastard,Iwanttopossessapieceofherheart,too.

I’vegottenmyselfintothismess.IfIdidn’tonlythinkaboutmyselfandtoldher

backthenhowItrulyfeltabouther,Iwouldn’thavehadtosneakawayfromthere
withthinkingI’mdoingherafavorforwalkingaway.She’snotbetteroffwithoutme.I
realizethatnow.Shedidn’tdeservethis.NeitherdidI.It’snicetohavesomeoneto
laughwith,shareaplaceorahomewithandwakeupinthemorningto.Ineverhad
thatbefore.April’sopenedawindowintoawholenewworldforme.She’sgottenme
addictedtoitandIwanttoliveinthatworld.Withher.NowIcanonlyhopeI’mnot
toolate.

TAKINGADEEPBREATH

,Iringthedoorbell.I’mhere,inBoston,tryingtogetherback,

ifshe’llwantme.I’mshiftingmyweightfromonefoottoanotherandIfreezewhenI
hearthekeysturning.Andthensheopensthedoor,morebeautifulthanever.She’s
sayingsomethingoverhershoulderandstopsinhertrackswhensheseesme.Her
smilefalters.

“Jude?”Shelooksoverhershouldertowhomeverisinherhouse,again.
“Hi,”Ibreathe,nervously,andtakeinthesightbeforeme.Aprillooksstunning.Her

hairisinaneleganttwistatthenapeofherhead,afewloosestrandsframingherface,
andshe’swearingalongblackeveninggownwiththousandsoftinydiamonds
scatteredacrossthechest,aslitontherightside,reachinguptothemiddleofherthigh,
andblackstilettosonherfeet.Dramaticsmokyeyemake-upbringsouttherichblueof
hereyesandshe’scurrentlyfrowningatme.

“Whoisit,sugar?”
Sugar?Whothehellisinthere?Jealousystartsrearingheruglylittleheadout.Is

sheseeingsomeone?

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Aprilexclaimsinsurprise.Sheignoresthedeepmale

voicecomingfrominside.Herattention’sfullyonme.

“Youlookstunning,”Isay,unabletotakemyeyesoffher.
Sherunsherhandsdownthefrontofhergown.“Thankyou,”sherespondssoftly,

leaningonthedoor.

“Canwetalk?”
Shelooksoverhershoulder,hesitating.
“Notagoodmoment?AmIinterruptinganything?”There’ssomanythingsIneed

tosaytoher.

“We’rejustonourwayout.”
“Out?”Ofcourse.Shewasn’tplanningtositaroundthehousewearingthatgorgeous

gown.“Who’sintherewithyou?”

FootstepssounddownthehallandIseeamanapproachingus.Aprillowersher

head,notlookingmeintheeyes.ToddfuckingPetersstepsatherside,herco-host.He’s
grinningfromeartoearandplacesahandonthesmallofherback,steppingeven
closertoher.Getyourdirtyhandsoffher.

“Canwehelpyou?”heasks.
Ipayhimnoattention,myeyesonApril.“Ijustcametotalk.Just…”
“We’relate,”ToddannouncestoApril,thenpointsafingeratme.“Hey,aren’tyou

thatdetectivewhousedtofollowourAprilaround?”

Iglanceathim.“Yes.”
“Yousavedherlife,man.Thankyou.We’reforevergratefulforthat.”Hereaches

hishandouttomebutIdon’tshakeit,clenchingmyjawtogether.

Imayhavesavedherlife,butshewastheonewhosavedminewithouteven

realizingit.Sheshowedmelifeismuchmorethanaseriesofone-nightstandsand
meaninglessencounters.Shetaughtmehowtofeelandshowedmewhatlossmeans.
I’mcompletelylostwithouther.Andit’sabouttimeIgetAprilback.

Toddseemsslightlyirritatedbymeignoringhim,sohelooksatApril,puttinghis

handbackintothepocketofhistailoredpants.

“Justgivemefiveminutes,”Ibegher.
“Todd,couldyouwaitformeinthecar?I’llberightthere.”Helooksather,gives

herapointedlook,andbeforehewalksdowntothecarheleansintokisshercheek.
Thesideofmyjawticks,jealousysuffocatingme.

“AreyouandToddanitemnow?”Ifindithardtosaythewordsoutloud.
“Whatdoyouwant,Jude?”Aprilsighsandignoresmyquestion.
“You,”Itellher.Enoughbeatingaroundthebush.
HerreactionisnothinglikeIexpected;shecloseshereyesandsighs.“Iwishitwere

thatsimple,”sheshakesherhead.

“Itcanbe,”Isay,takingherhandinmine,andgiveherapleadinglook.“Imessed

up.Iadmit,I’veactedlikeacompletejerk,andyoucan’timaginehowmuchIregretit
now.”

Shepullsherhandoutofmineandplacesitinfrontofher.“I’veheardthisamillion

timesbefore.I’msickofit.Whycan’tyoujust…”Sheshakesherheadagain,looking
away.“Youleftme,remember?EverythingIfeltforyoudiedthedayyouleft,without
evensayinggoodbye,ifImayadd.Maxhadtobreakthenews.ForGod’ssake.I
thoughtyouweredeadorsomething,whenhewouldn’ttellmewhyyouweren’tby
myside.Dead!”sheexclaims,wavingherarmsintheair,hereyesglossy.“Who’ddo
somethinglikethat?Youleftahugescarwhenyouleft.IwishedI’dneverkissedyou,
nevergottentoknowyou.Whathappenedbetweenuswasonebigfatlie.Andnow
you’reback.Why?Whatdoyouwantfromme?Just…”sherunsahandoverherface.
“Justgobacktowhereyoucamefromandleavemealone.”

“Ican’t.Ican’tleavewithoutyou.”
“Look.I’minahurry,”shetriestobrushmeoffandrubsafingerunderhereye.
Examiningherwristclosely,Inoticeshe’sstillwearingmybracelet.“Youstillhave

it.”Ibrushmyfingersoverit.

“Yes,I’mstillwearingthebracelet.”
“You’releavingwithhim?Areyoudatinghim?”
“Jude,that’snoneofyourbusiness.”
Inodsolemnly.She’sright,eventhoughIdon’twanthertobe.ButIneedtokeep

trying.“Please,anhour,that’sallI’masking.”

“I’llthinkaboutit.NowIreallyneedtogo.”Sheturnsaroundtolockthedoor,

showingmetheviewofherbareback.Iclosemyeyes,feelingnauseousatthethought
ofTodd’sdirtypawsonherbareskin,whisperingsweetnothingstoherandhavingher
alltohimself.

“Iloveyou,”Iyellafterher.There,Isaidit.Iloveher,withallmyheart,trulyand

honestlyandnowsheknowsittoo.

Herstepfalters,butsherecoversquicklyandhurriestothecarparkedatthecurb.

WhenTodddrivesoff,oureyesmeetbriefly.Inoticeatearescapedownherfaceandit
hitsmestraightintomyheart.I’vehurther.AndIdon’tknowifI’lleverbeabletoget
hertoforgiveme.

April

ILOVEYOU

.Jude’sfinalwordsstillresoundinmyhead.Ifonlyhetoldmeearlier.

Whenitstillmattered.Thenitwouldbesodifferent…

I’llneverforgetthatdayinthehospitalwhenMaxtoldmeJudehadleft.No

goodbye,noexplanation,hejustranoffwithhistailbetweenhislegs.Hedidn’thave
thegutstoadmitheusedme.Iwouldn’tbeoffendedifhedid,afterall,wenever
discussedcommitmentoranythingsimilar.Wehadsex.Tohimourtimetogetherwas
justapassingaffair,buttomeitbecamemuchmore.Ifellinlovewithhim.Inever
expectedhimtorunaway.Itwashardformetofacethefacts;Ievengatheredenough
couragetocallhimafewtimes,butheneveransweredthephone,asexpected.I
wantedexplanation,somesortofclosure.Thedayswe’vespenttogetherwere
unforgettable.Ireallyhopedourfeelingsweremutual.Whenwewentourseparate
ways,Iimaginedhisfaceinfrontofmelikeapicture.Ididn’thaveanyrealphotosof
him,butthatdidn’tmatter;Ihavehimimprintedonmybrainforeternity.Sometimes
Iwishlifewaslikeapicture—frozenintime,whereyou’realwayshappyandnever
lonely,allsmilesandgiggles,wherenoonecanbreakyourheart.Butreallifeis
anythingbut.

Icouldn’tgetridofthepainetchedinmychest.IttookmeawhilebeforeIcould

startfunctioninglikeaproperhumanagain.I’mstillbrokenontheinsidebutI
suppressedthepainanddecidedtomoveon,turnanotherchapterinmylife.AndI
thinkI’mdoingokay.

Speakingoflife;Ronnie’srecoverywassuccessful,atleastphysical.Thepsychiatrists

havefoundRonnieunfitfortrialandtheyputhiminamentalhospitalwherehe’s

under24-hourmedicalsupervision.Ihopehegetsthehelpheneedsandthathe’s
lockedintherefortherestofhislife.It’lltakemeforevertohealafterthehellhe’sput
methrough.IhopeI’llneverseehisfaceagain.

“Areyouokay?”Toddasks,squeezingmyhandinhis.We’redrivingtoagoing-away

party,ourgoingawayparty.ToddandIwereofferedtohostanewsshowinChicago
becausetheylikedourchemistry.Itooksometimetothinkaboutitthoroughlybefore
finallydecidingonsayingyes.Thisiswhatyou'vebeendreamingabout,Ikept
remindingmyself.It'swhatIpushedmyselffor.Foreverydayineveryhorrible,
demeaningjobItooksoIcouldgetexperienceandmoveupthejournalistladder.This
iswhyIbecameIreporter.

“Yes,”Iwipeatastraytearandgivehimasmallsmile.
IleftJudestandingatmyhouse.Helookedterrible.Hishairhasgrownquiteabit

andhasn’tseenacombinawhile,andhegrewhisbeard.Darkcirclesunderhiseyes
indicatedhehasn’tbeengettingenoughsleep.YethewasstillthesexiestmanI’veever
laidmyeyeson.Inevertookhisbraceletoff.IprobablyshouldhavesoIcouldgetover
himfaster,butIsimplycouldn’tforcemyselftoseparatefromit.MaybesomedayI’ll
bestrongenoughtodoit.

“Youlovehim,huh?”ToddoverheardmetalkingaboutJudewithHeatherafew

weeksagoandIthoughthewasgoingtogoallToddishonmelikeIwasusedto,
offeringhisskilledsexualservices,ashelikedtocallit,butno.Hewassurprisingly
kindandcompassionate.Don’tgetmewrong,he’sstillanirrevocablewomanizer
bringingupsexateveryoccasion,buthe’sdoingthattomakemelaugh.Herealizes
there’snevergoingtobemorebetweenusthanfriendship.

Ilookintohiseyes.“I’mtryingnotto.”
Henods.“Icanseeitinyoureyes.”
Ismile.“ToddPeters,haveyoujustsaidsomethingromantic?Ididn’tknowyouhad

itinyou.”

“Oh,I’mveryromantic.JustaskTina.Yesterday,we—“
Ipressmyhandtohismouthtoshuthimdown.“Tina?Seriously?I’mnot

interestedindetails.”

“Iseeyoustilldon’tlikeher.”
“She’saback-stabber.”
“Butshe’safreakbetweenthesheets,”hewiggleshiseyebrows.
“Idon’thaveanyinterestinknowingwhat’sgoingonbetweenyoutwo.”
Toddshrugs.“I’velostinterest,too.”
“JustwhenIthinkyou’regettingmoreserious,”Igrinathim.
“Ah,I’llsavethatforwhenI’moldandwrinkly.Babesarewaitingforme.Chicago,

hereIcome.Babes,beware!”heyells,andIcan’thelpbuttochuckleathisantics.

IGET

upearlythenextmorning.IpromisedmydadI’dcomevisithimatthe

retirementhomeandthenIhavetofinishpackingmythingsandcleanthehouse.
Movingtoanothercityisabigchangeforme.It’sgoingtobehardleavingmybrother,
hisfamilyandourfatherbehind.Eventhoughmydaddoesn’tremembermeanymore,
Irememberallthegoodmomentswesharedandwhatagreatfatherhewas.I’ll

treasurethosemomentsinmyheart,carryingthemwithmenomatterwhereIgo.

Ontheway,Istopataburgerjointtograbmyfavoritehamburgerandhavecoffee

atmyfavoritecafé.WhenIdriveuptotheretirementhome,Iseeafewresidents
sittingoutsideonabench,enjoyingthesunandtalking.IgreetthemasIwalkby,
headingtomydad’sroom.Likealways,he’ssittinginhisarmchair,staringoutthe
window.Hedoesn’tlookanythinglikethescarylawyerheoncewas,winningcaseslike
itwasapieceofcake.Onlyashadowofmyfather’sformerselfsitsinthearmchair,a
fragileoldman,butIstillseethetracesofthepersonwhowasalwayssoproudofme
andlovedmeunconditionally.

“Hey,daddy,”Ismile,andpullachairnexttohimtositdown.Hisvacanteyesare

staringoutsideandhishandsareshakingslightly.Islowlyputmyhandsontopofhis;
they’recold.Buthisfocusshiftstoourjoinedhands,whichisgood.

“Isittimeformymeds?”heasks,hisvoicehoarse.
“No,Daddy.It’sme,April.Howareyoutoday?”Irunahandthroughhisshort,

silverhair.

“April,yes,”henodsandfocuseshisgazebacktothewindow.
“I’vecometosaygoodbye.I’mmovingtoChicago.Remembermetellingyouabout

thattheotherday?”

“Chicago,”herepeats.
“ButIpromiseI’llcomevisitasoftenaspossible.”
“Visit,”henods.
“Yes.Wanttotakeawalk?Ithinkyoucouldusesomesun.”
“Sun,yes.”
Ihelphimsitinawheelchairandtakehimdowntothepark.Wesitthereforagood

halfhour,talking—well,Idomostofthetalking,butstill.Ifinallytellhimallabout
Jude,whathappenedbetweenus,howheleftmeandthensuddenlyreappeared
monthslateronmydoorstep.Iknowhisbraincan’tevenprocessthemajorityofthe
thingsI’vebeentellinghim,butIalwayshopeheatleastcaughtawordortwo,that
deepdown,hestillmightsnapoutofthefogforatleastaminuteortwo.Evenwhenhe
neverdoesitstillfeelsgoodtotalktohimandjusttalkaboutmyproblems,likeIused
to.

“Ithinkit’stimetogetback.”Ipathiskneeandheplaceshishandonmine

absentmindedly,squeezinglightly.Ifeellikehejustgavemethemostwonderfulhug.I
smile.Mydeardadisstillintheresomewhere.

“Iloveyou,dad.I’llcomevisityousoon.”Whenwe’rebackinhisroom,Ihelphim

getintobedand,asIpullthecoversuptohisshoulders,Ipressakisstohisforehead.

MYSUITCASEISLYING

openinthemiddleofmybedroom;mybedlookinglike

clothesexplodedalloverit.Mylivingroomisfullofboxes,servingasastorageroom.
I’mleasinganapartmentinChicagoforayear,whichisforhowlongToddandIsigned
ourcontracts.Ifwedoagoodjob,they’regoingtoextendourcontracts.Nextmonth
we’restartingwiththeshowsoI’llhaveenoughtimetomeetmynewco-workersand
explorethecity.

I’mleavingmostofmybelongingshere,inthishouse,asit’sstillmyhome.I’llcome

backeverytimewe’reonabreakorwhenIhavetimeoff.Here’smyfamily.

I’minterruptedbythebell.
“Coming,”IyellasIthrowsomepairsofpantsintothesuitcase.I’mexpecting

Rebeccatocomeover.She’sgoingtohelpmepackandthenwe’regoingtoopena
bottleofwine,totoastthegoodoldtimesandalltheshinynewones.I’llmissherlike
crazy.She’smyclosestfriendandfriendslikeherarehardtofind.Butwe’renotletting
thedistanceseparateus;she’spromisedtocomevisitoften.

Iopenthedoor.“Doyouhave…”Istopinmytracks.“Oh.”It’snotRebecca,it’sJude.
“Expectingsomeone?”heraisesaneyebrow.
Iswallow,nodding.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Tryingtoapologize,again.Willyouletmein?”
Inod,steppingasidesohecanenter.Hisscentinvadesmysenses.Hestillsmells

heavenly,remindingmeofallourmomentstogether.

“Wantsomethingtodrink?”Irunahandthroughmyhair,standingawkwardlyin

thehallway.

Hedoesn’tseemtohearmyquestion.He’slookingaround,takingeverythingin.

Boxesareeverywhere.Hespinsaroundtofaceme.“Areyouleaving?”Helookshurt.

Isimplynod,unabletoformwords.
Judepresseshislipstogether.“Withhim?”
Inodagain.
“I’mtoolate,aren’tI?IknewIwastedtoomuchtime.”Hegrabsachairandsitson

itbackwardssohisarmsarerestingonthebackrest.Heburiestheminhishair.

“Jude,”Imurmur,openingmymouthtoexplain,buthestopsmewitharaised

handbetweenus.

“No,letmesaywhatIcameheretosay.”
So,Ido.
“Thesepastfewmonthswithoutyouwerehellonearth.Yes,Ileftyou.Itwasmy

decision,butitwasalsothebiggestmistakeI’veevermade.Ineverregrettedanything
likeI’mregrettingthemomentIchosetowalkawayfromus.IthoughtIwasdoing
youafavor.Iwasterrifiedofmyfeelingsforyou;youhavetoknowIneverfelt
anythinglikethisbeforeyoucamealong.AndIblamedmyselfforwhathappenedto
you.Icouldn’tlookintoyoureyesandseeyourbetrayedlook.Icouldn’tfaceyou.I
shouldhaveneverletitcometothis.Youshouldn’thavesufferedsomuch.”

“Jude…”
“Please,letmefinish.Ican’tshakeoffthisgoddamnguilt,andIcan’tseemtogetrid

ofthisemptinessinmyheartthat’stherebecauseofyou.Andonlyyoucanmakeme
wholeagain.Please,givemeachance.Giveusachance.Iwanttoshowyouhowmuch
youmeantome.”

Ican’tstoptheflowoftears,mychestconstrictinginagony.Iwanttogivehim

anotherchance,buthowdoIknowhewon’trunoffagainwhenthingsgettough?
Takingadeepbreath,Ikneeldowninfrontofhim.

“Jude,I’msickandtiredofshallowrelationshipsandguyswhodon’tknowwhat

theywant.I’vehadenoughofthattolastmealifetime.Ideservemore.Iwantaman
whosticksbymysideandrespectsme,notsomeonewhotakesflightwhenthetiniest
problemarisesinsteadoffacingit.”

“I’mfacingitnow.”We’resocloseIfindithardtorememberhowangryIamwith

himforhurtingme.

“Iloveyou,Ireallydo.Idon’tknowifIcouldeverstoplovingyou,butmyplans

havechangednow.It’stoolate.”

“It’sbecauseofhim,isn’tit?”Hesaysthroughclenchedteeth.
“No,Jude,Toddhasnothingtodowiththis.”
“Andyetyou’removingawaywithhim!”Hethrowshisarmsintheair.
“Youhavenorighttobejealous!”Icryout.“Noright!Youwalkedoutonme!”
“BecauseIthoughtyou’dbebetteroffwithoutme,”hisvoiceisshaking.“Iknow

howmuchmymothersufferedwatchingdadleave,formonthsatatime,workingall
thetime,facingdangermoreoftenthannot.Ididn’twantthislifeforyou.Icould
neveraskyoutowaitformewhileI’mgoneforGodknowshowlong,goingwherever
thejobtakesme.Itwouldn’tbefairtoyou.”

“Thenwhyareyouhere?”
“BecauseI’mwillingtogiveupmycareerforyou.IloveyouandIneedyou.”He

studiesmyface,thenleanscloser,takingmyhandsinhis.“IfIcouldturnbacktime,I’d
doitinaheartbeat.I’dwantnothingmorethantoeraseallthepainI’veputyou
through,allthetimesyouweresufferingalone.I’msorryfornottellingyouthis
sooner,butIloveyouwithallmyheart,andIneedyoutobelieveme.Iwastooproud,
andtoounfamiliarwiththefeeling,toadmitIlovedyou.”

“Youknow,prideislikeasharpknifethatcutsdeep.Andyoustabbedmestraightin

theheart,Jude.YouleftandIpretendedlikeIdidn’tcare,butIwasbreakingonthe
inside.Ittookagestoputmyselfbacktogether.”

“Youhavetobelievememyintentionwasnevertohurtyou.AndyetIdidjustthat

andI’msorry.”

Droppingmyheadtomychest,Iclosemyeyes.
“Pleasetellmeyou’renotwithTodd,andthatyou’renotmovinginwithhim.You

belongtome.”

“Idon’tbelongtoanyone!”Itellhim.“Andyes,I’mmovingaway,withTodd,for

business.WegotourownshowinChicago.”

“You’removingtoChicago?”hisvoicebreaks.
“Yes,myflight’sinafewhours.”Itakeastepback.
Islowlygetup.“Idon’twantyoutogo.”
“Youhavenosayinthematter.It’sallsetinstoneandI’mgoing.”
Hestaresintomyfacewithadeterminedlookinhiseyes.Itonlytakesonemotion

andhe’sstandingrightinfrontofme.Liftingmyheadtolookhimintheeyes,we’re
standingsocloseourcheststouchwitheveryinhale.Iwaitforhimtosaysomething.
Anything.I’mcaughtbysurprisewhenhetakesmyfaceintohishandsandpresseshis
lipstomine.Ilosemyselfinhiskiss,likeeverytimebefore,andmyheadstarts
spinningfromalltheemotionsswirlinginsideme.

Whenhebreaksthekisshetakesmyhandsinhisandstaresintomyeyes,telling

me,“Youmakemyheartbeatfaster.Myloveforyouisreal-it’sdeep,strong,crazy,
andifyoumustknow,forever.Iknowyoustillhavefeelingsforme,Ifeltitinyour
kiss.Iseeitinyourgaze.Youcan’tdenyit.I’maskingyou,onelasttime,togiveme
onemorechancetoprovemyselftoyou,toredeemmyselfforeverytimeImadeyou

cry.Iloveyou.”Andthenhekissesmeagain.

TWENTY

Jude

I’VENEVERBEGGED

anyoneinmylife.Iwasneverinapositiontocareenoughtobeg,

atleastuntilAprilwalkedintomylifeandmademerethinkallmylifedecisions.I’dbe
lyingifIsaidshedidn’ttestmynervesonadailybasis,butbeforeher,mylifewas
boringandempty,monotonous.Shesweptmeoffmyfeetwithherboldness,
challengedmeoneverystepandmademelaugh.Ifinallydiscoveredmyheartis
capableofloveandIwanttogiveallofittoher.

Aprilblinksafewtimesafterwebreakapart,rubbingherhandonthenapeofher

neck.Idon’tletherrecuperate.Ipullherbackagain,kissinghersenseless.Iplanon
doingthatuntilshechangeshermindandgivesmeachance.“Iloveyou,”Ikeep
saying.“I’llmakemylife’smissiontomakeituptoyouandtoshowyouhowprecious
youare.ButforthatIneedyoutoletmebackintoyourlife.”

Shegentlypushesmeaway,breathingfast.Takingadeepbreath,shefrownsand

announces:“Ineedtofinishpacking.”

What?DidsheevenlistentoawordIsaid?Shewalksinthedirectionofher

bedroomandleavesmestandinginthemiddleofthelivingroom,completely
devastated.Ilookaroundme,letoutabreathI’vebeenholding,andburymyhandsin
myhair.“Shit.”

Afterherrejection,Ican’twaittogetoutofherhouse.IstopatthefirstdivebarI

comeacrossanddrownmysorrowinwhiskey.

I’MAWAKENED

byapersistentbeepingcomingfrommyphone.Notringing,beeping.

Ittakesawhileformybraintostartfunctioningagain,andIblink,lookingaroundme.
I’minmycar.There’slightoutside.Afterlastnight’spityparty,Iwasn’tinanystateto
drivetoahotel.Ipassedoutinmycar.Thepersistentbeepingisgettingonmynerves,
soIreachinmypockettofishoutmyphone.“Whatthehell?”Ilookatthescreen.
Aprilactivatedthetrackeronherbracelet.Throwingmyphoneonthepassengerseat,I
revthecarandspeedtowardApril’shousewherethesignal’scomingfrom.Shewas

supposedtoflytoChicagoyesterday,sowhyisthesignalcomingfromherhouse?Was
thereabreak-in?Issheindanger?I’mcaughtupinthesameswirlingvortexof
emotionsasthefirsttimeIheardthesignalgooff.IprayIdon’tfindherinthesame
situationagain.

Ileavetheenginerunning,pushingthedooropentorunuptoherhouse.Pressing

thedoorhandle,I’msurprisedthedoorisn’tlocked.Igripmygunharder.Thesignalis
gettingstronger,comingfromthebedroom,soIheadthere.Withmyearpressedto
thebedroomdoor,Ilistentoanysoundsinside.WhenIdon’thearanything,Icarefully
openit,gunraised,pausinginshockatthesightthatawaitsme.

Aprilisstandinginthemiddleoftheroomlookingatmewithherbigeyes.Three

suitcasesarebyherside,Bellasleepingatherfeet.

“Whatishappening?”Ifrown,loweringmygun.“Howcomeyouhaven’tleftyet?

Yourflightwasyesterday.”

Shelooksatthefloor,hesitating.“Ineededsometimetoprocessyourwords,”she

begins.She’sholdingthesilverbraceletIgaveherbeforeourlivesturnedupsidedown,
alifetimeagoitseems,andshe’sfidgetingwithit.

“And?”Mystomachistwistedinknots.Ican’thandleanotherrejection.
“I’msaying,”shewalkstome,wearingsandalsandasimplesummerdress,her

lusciouscurlsspillingdownhershoulders,“Iwon’tbeneedingyourbracelet
anymore.”

Ilowermyheadtoherhandsandtaketheminmine,closingmyeyes.That’swhat

shewantedtotellme?She’sreturningmybracelet?“Youcankeepit,”Itellherquietly.

“No.I’mnolongerindanger.TheonlydangerI’llbefacingfromnowonisthe

possibilitythatyoumightbreakmyheart.Again.”

Ijerkmyheadbackup,myeyesmeetinghers,fullofhope.Agentlesmileplayson

herlips.

“Whatareyousaying?”Iwhisper,studyingherface.
“ThatIloveyou,too,Jude.”AheavyweightliftsoffmyheartandI’mrebornather

words.“Itriedsohardtogetoveryou,butitdidn’twork.Youshowedmewhattrue
passionis,whatloveis.Youhurtme,yes,butmystupidheartwantstogiveyou
anothershot.Itwantsyou,soplease,don’tbreakit,”shesays,eyesfillingwithtears.

Awidegrinspreadsovermyface,andtakingherfaceintomyhands,Ileanintokiss

her,totasteher,tolosemyselfinher.ShereturnsmykisswithequalfervorandIfeel
likeshoutingfromtheroofswithjoy.

“Thankfuck,”Ibreathebetweenthekisses.Aprilcan’tseemtostopcryingdespite

grinningatme.“IthoughtIlostyouforgood.Iwon’ttakeyouforgranted,April,and
I’llenjoyeverymomentIgettospendinyourcompany.”I’mtrailingwetkissesdown
hercheek,tracingherjawwithmylips.Ileanclosertoherear,whispering,“I’mgoing
tokissyouoften,hard,everyminute,everyhour,everyday.”Thisbringsachuckleout
ofherandIwipethetearsfromhercheekswithmythumbs.“Iwilluseeverysingle
minuteIhavewithyou,lovingyou—withoutlimitations.”

Aprilplacesahandonmychest.
“EventhoughI’dlovenothingmorebuttostayinyourarms—GodknowsI’ve

missedthat—butIhaveaflightinacouplehours.”

“You’restillleaving?”I’mnothidingmydisappointment.

“Yes.ItoldToddIneedtoclearthingswithyouandthatI’lljoinhimlater.Ilove

you,butIhavetodothis.Thisismydream,andnobodyandnothingisgoingtostop
mefromchasingit.”

“Iwouldneveraskyoutogiveupyourdreams.ItwouldbeasifItoldyoutocutoff

yourlimb.AndIloveeverygoddamnpieceofyou.Eventheannoyingones,”Igrin,
teasingasmileoutofher.“I’llstandbyyouandsupportyoureverydecision.Youcan
countonit.”

“Areyousureyouwantthis?Longdistancerelationshipsarehard.Wewon’tgetto

spendalotoftimetogether,”shesays,worryinhervoice.

“Yes.I’veneverbeenmoresureofanything.Iwantyouinmylifemorethan

anything.We’llfindawaytomakeitwork.IhaveafewvacationdayssavedupandI’ll
usethemtocomewithyou.”

“Seriously?”Herfacelightsup.
“Seriously.”Igiveherapeckonthemouth.“When’syourflight?”
Aprilintertwinesherfingerswithmine.“What’swiththehurry,MisterO’Rilley?Are

yousoeagertoleavethehouse?”shebreathesseductively,throwingherarmsaround
myneck,pressingherbodysnuglyagainstmine.

“Hellno!”Placingahandonherhips,Igentlypullhertobed.“I’mjustaskingsoI

knowifIhaveenoughtimetoworshipeverypartofyourbody.You’releavingthis
housethoroughlyloved.”

“Well,youbettergetstartedthen,Mister,clock’sticking.”Shegrabsthehemofher

dress,pullingitoverherheadinoneswiftmotion.Nowshe’sstandinginfrontofme
dressedonlyinherturquoise-blackbraandmatchingpanties.Shecrawlsontothebed,
leaningbackonherelbows,andbeckonsmewithafingertojoinher.

“Youhavenoideahowstunninglybeautifulyouare,”Isayhoarsely,myvoicefilled

withlustasIrunmyeyesoverherbody.

“Ithinkyou’rewearingtoomanyclothes,”shesticksoutherlowerlip.
“Wecaneasilyrectifythat.”I’moutofmyjeansandboxersinasecond,myshirt

followingsuit.“Better?”

“Muchbetter,”hereyesshineasshe’sdrinkingmein.
Icrawltoheronallfourslikeatigerrightbeforeheattacksitsprey.Ibendmyhead

tokissherstomach,andmylipsslowlymaketheirwayupuntiltheyreachherlips.“I
reallymissedyou,April.Iwaslostwithoutyou.”

Shereachesouttotouchmyunshavencheek.“Imissedyoutoo.Everysingleday.”
“I’msorryIhurtyou.IwascertainIwasdoingyouafavor,savingyoufromme.”
“I’vealreadyforgivenyou.Butthisisyourlastchance,souseitwell.”
“Hah,noworriesaboutthat,”Ipuffmychest.“You’remine,forever.”
“You’reright.I’myours.Nowshutupandshowmehowmuchyou’vemissedme.”
“Yes,ma’am,”Irespondwithagrin.Itakeherlips,buryingonehandintoherhair,

exploringherbodywiththeother.

ITAKE

Apriltotheairportstraightfromthebed.Well,fromtheshower,tobemore

specific.Icould’veknownourintentiontosavewaterbyshoweringtogetherwould
endupwithheronherknees,mycockinhermouth,followedbymymouthonher

wetclitafewminuteslater.Itwasdefinitelyworthalmostmissingtheflight.Whenwe
arrivedthere,weweretoldtheflightwasfullsoI’llhavetojoinherinChicago
tomorrow.Wewerequitedisappointedaswehopedwe’dbeabletospendthenight
together.Weneedtomakeupforallthelostmonthsweweren’ttogether.

“Callmewhenyougetthere,okay?”Isay,tuckingastrandofhairbehindherear.
“Yes,I’llcallyouafterweland.”
Ibenddowntokissher.“I’llseeyoutomorrow.”
“Ican’twait.”Shecouldlightupthewholeworldwiththesmileshegivesme.
“Onemorething…”Istopher.“WillToddbetheretomorrow?”
“Haven’tItoldyou?”
“Toldmewhat?”Iaskwithsuspicion.IfeelI’mnotgoingtolikewhatshe’saboutto

tellme.

“Actually,ToddandIaregoingtoberoomies,”sheannounces,bitingherlowerlip.
“You’regoingtobewhat?”Iexclaimsoloud,peoplearoundusaregivingusweird

looks.Idon’tgiveashit.AllIcareaboutisthefactAprilisgoingtoshareahomewith
ToddfuckingPeters.

“Yes.We’vecometotheconclusionit’dbeeasierforbothofusifwelivedtogether.”
“Overmydeadbody.Undernoconditionareyoulivingwithhimunderthesame

roof.”IimagineAprilwalkingaroundtheapartmentdressedonlyinatanktopwithno
brainthemornings,whileToddeye-fucksher.Mybloodstartsboiling.Nowayinhell.

“MisterO’Rilley,don’ttellmeyou’rejealous,”shesaysinasingingvoice.
“OfTodd?Never.”Pft.
“Thenitshouldposenoissuethatwe’realsosharingaroom.”
Myeyeswideninhorror.“No,nofuckingway.I’dbeabletomaybestomachthe

thoughtofyoutwoasroommates,somehow,withgreatdifficulty,butsharinga
bedroomwithaguywhowantstonailyouisnotanoption.Iwon’tallowit!OnlyIcan
sharearoomwithyou.Nooneelse.”

“You’resohotwhenyou’rejealous.”Sherunsherindexfingerdownmychest.
“You’renotsharingaroom,andthat’sit!”
Hersmileturnsintoagrin.She’slookingatmewithsparklesinhereyesandshe

startslaughingoutloud.

“What?”Iask.What’ssofunny?
“Iwishyoucould’veseenyourface,”shebendsoverinlaughter.
“Myface?”Isay,dumbfounded.
“Yes,you’renotsharingaroom,andthat’sit!”shelowershervoice,badlyimitating

me.

“Iwasbeingserious.”
“Iknow,baby.AndIwasjustmessingwithyou,”shelaughs.
“Areyouforreal?So,Todd’snotgoingtosharearoomwithyou?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Andhe’snotgoingtobemyroommate,either.”
“Nosharingofapartment?”
“Nope.”
“Woman,you’regoingtogivemegreyhair,”Iexhaleinrelief.“Justknowthat

tomorrow,whenIseeyou,you’llbeinserioustrouble.”Ipullherintomyarms,giving
herasearinghotkiss.

“Ilovebeingintroublewithyou,”shesays.
“Well,beprepared,youwon’thavetimetoevenbreathetomorrow.”
“Ifanearth-shatteringorgasmisincludedinthedeal,thenI’min.”
“Onlyone?Youunderestimateme,baby.YoushouldknowIdon’tstopatjustone.

Thefirstoneisjustawarmup.”

EPILOGUE

April

Threeyearslater

AMIDREAMINGORWHAT

JudeandI’veneverbeenascloseaswearenow.Iusedtobelievealovelikethis

onlyexistsinfairytales,butJudekepthiswordandhelovesmeunconditionally,
withoutultimatumsanddemands.Herespectsmychoiceincareer.Wemanagedto
overcomeallthedifficultieslifethrewinourway.

I’mstillworkinginChicago,asthestudioI’mworkingforextendedmycontractfor

twomoreyears.Ialsogotmyowntalkshow.Mycareerisflourishing.

Judekeptbusyduringthistime,too.Sickandtiredofconstantlybouncingbetween

twocities,JudemovedtoChicagotobewithme.Hesurprisedmewiththeideatoopen
hisowndetectiveagencyinthecitysowe’dbeabletospendmoretimetogetherand
startthinkingaboutexpandingourfamily.Weagreedwebothwantedatleasttwokids.
Weactuallystartedtryingthatverysameday.Butmonthaftermonth,Iwasmore
depressedwhenthepregnancytestskeptsayingIwasn’tpregnant,whichputalotof
pressureonme.Judetriedtocomfortmebytellingmethere’salwaysnextmonth,but
whenthemonthpassedthetestsstillcameoutnegative.Weconsultedadoctorwho
hadustestedandthetestsshowednothingwasphysicallywrongwitheitherofus.The
doctoradvisedusweshouldrelaxmore,avoidstressinourdailylife,takeavacation,
andthingswillcomenaturally.Wetriedforawhilebuttherewerenoresults,sowe
kindofgaveuponthethoughtofbecomingparents.IttookatollonmeasIreally
wantedtobecomeamom.

Andnow,fivemonthsafterwelosthope,I’mstandinginthemiddleofthe

bathroomstaringattwopinklinesonthepregnancytest.TwomostbeautifullinesI’ve
everseen,thetwolinesI’vebeenwaitingforsolong.Tearsstartrollingdownmycheek
andIfeellikemyheartisgoingtoburstoutofmychestfromutterhappiness.I’min
seventhheaven.

Jude’sstillasleepashecamehomeverylatelastnight,workingonacasethatkeeps

himbusydayandnight.HeneedsrestsoIdon’twakehim.Itiptoetothekitchen,
barefoot,tomakeusbreakfast.IputthepregnancytestinthepocketofmyrobesoI
canshowittoJudelater.Ican’twaittoseehisreaction.He’sgoingtobebesidehimself
withhappiness,nodoubtaboutthat.Jude’sgoingtobethebestdadintheworld.Ican
imaginehimchasingafterhissonordaughter,achildwhohashisbeautifulgreeneyes
andasmilethat’llalwaysgethimorheroutoftroublewithmebecauseIwon’tbeable
toresistit.Justthinkingaboutitmakesmyheartsing.

Wrappedinmybubbleofhappiness,Idon’thearJudejoinmeinthekitchenuntil

hegrabsmybreastsfrombehind,gluingmybacktohisfront.

“Hey,whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”
“Tryingtorelievemyselfofstress.Youknowwhatthedoctorsaid,nostress,which

isveryhardinmylineofwork.ButIhadsometimetoresearchyesterday…”Hekisses
thespotbetweenmyshoulderandmythroat,andmybodystartstingling.

“Mmm,andwhatdidyoudiscover?”
“Scientistssaythatifyouholdawoman’sbreastsyouloweryourstresslevelsupto

70percent.”

“Oh,really?Yousureyouweren’treadingsomeotherscientificarticle?”Iholdthe

granitecounterforbalancebecausehishandsonmybodymakemykneesweakand
myheadspin.

“Well,I’msuresomeonesomewheresaidthat,”Ifeelhislaughteronmyneck.
“Mhm,”Iturnaround,claspingmyhandsaroundhisshoulders.“Iwonderifmy

stresslevelswillgodownifIdothat?”Isay,reachingdowntohisfamilyjewels,
coveredbythefabricofhispajamas.

“Princess,there’snodoubtaboutthat.”Judecapturesmymouthwithhisand,

grabbingmybutt,heliftsmeuponthecounterandsettlesbetweenmylegs.You’d
thinkwe’dgetlesshornyaroundeachotherafterthreeyearshavepassed,butyou’dbe
wrong.Istillgetalltinglyandhotatthesightofhim.Hiskissesstillturnmylegsinto
jellyandImoanashistonguedoeswondersinmymouth.Icannevergetenoughof
thisman.Ipushhispajamasdownandsincehe’salwayscommandowhenhe’sat
home,Iwrapmyhandsaroundhiserection,slidingmyhandupanddown,andhe
groansinecstasy.Iquickenthepace.

“MyGod,April,”hebreathesintomyshoulder.“Ineverimagineditwaspossibleto

loveyouevenmorethanIlovedyouthreeyearsago.”Heslideshishandfrommy
shoulder,downmysidetomyhipsuntilhereachesmybutt.“Ilovethecurvesofyour
body.”

“Rememberwhatyousaidjustnow.Idon’tknowhowyou’regoingtofeelabout

thatinafewmonths,”Iteasehim,myhandstillworkinghiscock.Hefreezes,hislips
pressedtomyshoulder,andheraiseshisheadtogivemeaconfusedlook.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout,woman?”
Ismile.“I’msaying,”Ikisshislips,“that,”anotherpeck,“inafewmonths,”peck,

“mybelly,”peck,“isgoingtobe,”peck,“thesizeofawatermelon.”Ibitemylip,waiting
forhimtorealizewhatI’msaying.

Hewatchesmeforafewmoments,silent,andthenhismouthwidensintoagrin.
“You’rekiddingme?”
“Nope,”Ishakemyhead,widesmileonmyface.

“You’renotkidding.OhmyGod!”Heputshishandsundermybutt,liftingmeoff

thecounter,squeezingmetightlytohim.Hispajamasarearoundhisankles,his
erectionpokingmybellyasheswirlsmearoundthekitchen,thebiggestsmileonhis
faceI’veeverseen.“Youcouldn’tmakemehappier.”

“You’regoingtobeanamazingdad.”
“Andyou’regoingtomakeawonderfulmom.”
“Iloveyou,”Ismileathim.“Forever.”
“Iloveyou,Princess.Forever.”HesinksinsidemywarmthandIsurrendertohim,

fulfillingmeinmorewaysthanIcould’veeverimagined.

THEEND

AFTERWORD

Thankyouforreading!

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

J.Leaisanavidreaderandwriterofsexystories.Herotherlovesincludeherfamilyas

sheisalsoamamaofalittleboyandgirlwhokeepherbusywhenshe'snotwritinghot

books.Leaalsolovesspendingtimeoutdoorswithherfamily--skiing,hiking,andmore.

https://www.facebook.com/author.jlea

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00RAIQAGS

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