[Boys of the Zodiac 05] Leo; All That You Are by Jamie Craig

: A

HAT

…Christopher wasn’t going to let Gage make that decision, no

matter how he felt about it. Catching his hand, Christopher broke their
embrace to pull him off to the side, his gaze searching for privacy. He
settled on a nook situated behind one of the thick, cement block
columns, and wrapped Gage back into an embrace as soon as the rest
of the club was out of view.

“You know what?” he said, his eyes boring into Gage’s. “You

don’t deserve to go through that on your own, regardless of what kind
of honorable ideas you might have. I was your friend first, remember?
And friends stick by each other, especially when they have to deal
with the crap we do.”

“I don’t know if I’m being honorable. I think I’m just being

selfish.” Gage smiled, or rather, he tried to smile. “I want to keep you
to myself. I don’t want them to ruin everything. Because that’s what
they do. Ruin things.”

“They didn’t ruin you, and that’s pretty much all I care about.”

Christopher smoothed his hands down Gage’s back, working at the
knots that had started to return. “I can pretend to just be your friend, if
that makes it easier for you. Or if you really don’t want me there, I
won’t go. But I don’t think you would’ve asked at all if that was the
case.”

Gage licked his bottom lip, drawing Christopher’s attention to his

mouth. He watched as Gage tilted his head and leaned in, tensing
slightly as their mouths finally met. Gage kissed him slowly, his lips
pliant and welcoming, his tongue sliding against Christopher’s. The
rest of the club faded away, and as the slow caress continued, he
almost forgot what they’d been talking about…

LSO

AMIE

RAIG

The Bad And The Beautiful

Calendar Boys Series: January – December

From Dusk To Dawn

His Very Own

A Little Bit Bewitched

Lucky Haunts

The Master Chronicles, Book I – X

Nowhere Man

On The Ragged Edge Of The World

Pas De Deux

Queen Of Diamonds

Serendipity

Son Of A Preacher Man

Star Attraction

Stealing Northe

Stealing West

Sticks And Stones

Those Who Cherish
To Taste The Dawn

Wearing Death

Boys Of The Zodiac

Taurus: All That You Do

LEO:

ALL THAT YOU ARE

JAMIE CRAIG

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

: A

HAT

MBER

UILL

RESS

OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

ISBN 978-1-60272-725-0

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Leo: Generous, creative, and warm-hearted.

Leos are extremely passionate and often let their hearts

overwhelm their good sense.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 1

Gage Kimball focused on polishing an ornate brass wardrobe

handle and tried to ignore his raging hard-on. A task that was
easier said than done. Especially since he could still feel
Christopher’s mouth on his neck and his hand cupping Gage’s hard
cock through his jeans. If the stupid phone hadn’t started ringing,
Christopher would probably have had him bent over the nearest
table by then. But Christopher couldn’t ignore a business call.
Sometimes, it really sucked to work for your boyfriend. On the
other hand, Gage considered as he leaned back in his chair to get a
better look at Christopher’s ass, there are some definite pluses.

They’d only been officially together for a month, but Gage

already had difficulty imagining a life without Christopher Gleason
in it. They weren’t living together yet, but Gage spent quite a few

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

nights in Christopher’s apartment behind the store. He saw
Christopher nearly every day, and if he needed to take time off
work, he could count on Christopher showing up to his next gig,
always sitting in the back, always completely unmistakable. It was
probably a good thing they didn’t live together. Sometimes the
only thing that could drag Gage from Christopher’s arms was the
fact that he didn’t have any clean clothes or the right guitar for a
later gig.

He pulled his gaze from Christopher and looked back to the

wardrobe. Cleaning the newest acquisitions to make them ready for
the showroom floor wasn’t high on Gage’s list of favorite ways to
pass the time. Christopher had a good eye for detail and demanded
perfection. Any less than that would be disrespectful. Gage didn’t
find the tedious work satisfying, but he was surprisingly good at it.
Well, he was good at it on the days Christopher didn’t wind him up
and then abandon him. At least Christopher probably still had a
hard-on, too, and was just as miserable. Gage could take a
modicum of comfort in that.

Christopher exchanged some easy banter with the person on the

other end of the conversation, chuckling at something they said
while he jotted down a few notes on a pad he kept near the phone
for that purpose. Gage didn’t need to look up to know he was
smiling, and to know the smile made his eyes crinkle at the
corners. Gage didn’t hear every detail of Christopher’s side of the
conversation, but he caught the gist. There was another estate sale,
and it sounded like it was out of state. Which would require being
gone for at least two days, maybe even longer. The thought of
having Christopher essentially to himself for as long as three or
four days sent a thrill down his spine.

When the store fell silent again, he glanced up automatically to

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

see Christopher bent over his notes. His free hand threaded through
the brown hair he wore to his shoulders, pinning it back to expose
his strong profile. The angle prevented Gage from seeing
Christopher’s brilliant green eyes, but the strong line of his jaw
was in full view, directing Gage’s focus straight to the wide mouth,
the lips soft and slightly parted.

His throat went dry. Sometimes, he had a hard time believing

Christopher was actually his.

“You’ve stopped polishing.” The words came without

Christopher looking away from his pad, though the corner of his
mouth lifted in a small smile. “You’re not ready for lunch already,
are you?”

“I don’t know. Aren’t you ready for lunch?”
Thick lashes lifted to reveal Christopher’s twinkling eyes.

“You make me forget I’m still trying to run a business here.”

“Me? I haven’t done anything.” Gage tossed the rag aside and

stood, his back popping as he straightened. Closing the distance
between them, he peered over Christopher’s shoulder, pressing as
close to the other man as he could. “What was that call all about?”

“An estate sale in Seattle. I don’t usually bother when they’re

so far away, but it’s being organized by some old friends of my
grandfather. I haven’t seen any of them in years.”

“Ooh, Seattle. I’ve never been there.” Gage slid his hand down

Christopher’s back and let it rest on his ass. “When is it?”

“A week from Saturday.” Turning around, Christopher leaned

against the edge of the counter, spreading his legs to give Gage
room to stand between them. He gripped Gage’s hips and tugged
him forward until their groins rubbed against each other. “I have to
fly up there Thursday night to meet with them for a Friday
breakfast, but we should still have the rest of the day and then

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Sunday to look around if you’re interested.”

“So you’ll be gone Friday the thirteenth?” Gage sighed. “I

can’t go.”

Christopher’s smile faded. “Why not?”
“Because that’s the night I’m playing at the Roxy, remember?

My set is only like twenty minutes long, but, you know, it’s the
Roxy.”

“Oh. Right. Damn.” He let go of Gage’s hip to twist for the

notepad behind him. “Hopefully, Dan’s still there so I can let him
know I can’t make it.”

“No, you don’t have to do that.” Gage covered Christopher’s

hand with his own. “You said that they’re old friends of your
grandfather’s. You should go see them.”

“But this is a big deal for you.” A hint of his smile returned.

“You want a cheering section, don’t you?”

“Of course, I do. But I don’t want you to miss out on seeing

friends.” Gage pressed a kiss to Christopher’s throat. “Though I
could still fly to Seattle after the show.”

“Then you’re stuck at the sale all day with me on Saturday. No,

that’s okay. You stay here, and I’ll just fly back Saturday night
instead of waiting until Sunday.” He laced their fingers together
and used the grip to twist Gage’s arm behind his back, encircling
him in an even tighter embrace. “I almost like your private
concerts better, anyway.”

“I almost like the private concerts better, too. I’ve almost got a

new song done. Maybe it’ll be ready to debut by Saturday night.”

“You sure you want me to be the first one to hear it?” His lips

brushed against Gage’s temple, the tip of his tongue tickling over
the skin. “I’ve loved everything you’ve done. I won’t be able to
give you any critical response.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“Considering it’s about you, I think it’s best if you hear it first.”
Christopher startled him by stiffening and pulling back, eyes

wide as they fixed on Gage. He swallowed once before saying,
“You really did that?”

“Yeah. Why are you surprised? Is it because I hardly ever

subject you to my own compositions?”

“No, just…” He shook his head as if to clear it. “I guess I don’t

think I’m interesting enough to write a song about, that’s all. My
life hasn’t been very exciting for years. But then, you came along.”

“I think your life is plenty interesting.” Gage had hoped

Christopher would like his song—it never occurred to him that
Christopher would be pleased just because he wrote one at all.
“But this one is more about my life and how you’ve made it
better.”

“Then I definitely want that private concert.” His head bent, his

mouth brushing across Gage’s in a delicate, lingering kiss. “And an
early lunch to prove your life isn’t the only one that’s better.”

Gage smiled against Christopher’s mouth, and his cock

throbbed. “I think that’s a good plan. Do you want me to lock up?”

“Yeah. I’ll turn the machine on so we don’t get interrupted by

more calls.”

Christopher released his hand, but Gage didn’t step away. He

couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his arms around Christopher
and pulling him into another slow kiss. Their tongues slid together
lazily, and Christopher’s low moan went directly to his groin. He
loved everything they did together, but kissing was a special
pleasure. Christopher’s mouth was intoxicating, and he still
couldn’t believe that he could get more of it any time he wanted.

The bell above the door chimed, and Gage immediately broke

the contact. “Guess I should have locked up first,” he said under

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

his breath.

Christopher licked his bottom lip, almost teasing Gage into

another kiss. His breathing was already labored, the color high in
his cheeks, but he pushed Gage away with a playful little shove.
“Go finish the wardrobe. I need to get behind the counter without
you there if I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of the
customers.”

Gage had no choice but to comply. He gingerly lowered

himself down on his stool, wishing his jeans didn’t cut into his
balls so much. It would be such a relief when Christopher finally
dragged him into the back and stripped the pants from him. The
thought distracted Gage from his task, and he tried to discreetly
adjust himself to relieve some of the pressure.

“Excuse me, does Gage Kimball work here?”
Gage froze at the question. He knew the voice, but his mind

refused to process it. No, it can’t be. That’s impossible. How did he
even find me?

“He does, but I’m afraid he’s on the clock at the moment.”

Christopher’s voice was cool and professional, though Gage knew
him well enough to recognize the curious tone in his statement. “Is
this personal or business related?”

“Oh. Personal. Definitely. I’m sorry, sir, I know I shouldn’t

bother him when he’s working, but I don’t know how else to reach
him. Can you tell him Ben’s here? I’ll only speak to him for a
minute. I promise.”

Hearing Ben’s name, and knowing he wasn’t just dreaming,

drove Gage to his feet. He forgot about his earlier discomfort and
Christopher’s promise to close the store early for lunch. He nearly
tripped over himself to get to the front counter, his legs going
numb when he actually saw his younger brother.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“Ben? What are you doing here?”
He hadn’t seen any of his family since leaving Salt Lake City

two months earlier, after his disastrous coming out to his parents.
With Christopher as constant company, and his music occupying
the rest of his time, he’d been able to mostly forget the ache of
their rejection—or at least, not think about it nearly as much. But
seeing Ben in the flesh, a relieved smile on his brother’s face,
brought it all rushing back.

At seventeen, Ben was the youngest Kimball and the one who

looked least like Gage. He’d inherited their mother’s dark hair, and
instead of their father’s blue eyes, a mottled hazel that didn’t
belong to either of their parents. His features were long and
pinched, but Gage had seen the teenaged pictures of their dad.
Sometime in the next few years, Ben’s face would start filling out,
just like his, and he’d be a mirror reflection of the man.

The big difference, however, was how readily Ben offered

smiles. Everybody fell for them. Gage would have resented it a
little bit if he didn’t know Ben meant each and every one.

“I came looking for you, actually.” His gaze darted to

Christopher for a moment, polite and assessing, before returning to
Gage. “When do you get a break so we can talk?”

Gage looked over to Christopher, but his face was impassive. A

blank, rather disinterested mask. He looked exactly like a boss and
nothing like a boyfriend. “I was just about to go to lunch. There’s a
sandwich shop around the corner. Are you hungry?”

“Starving. I haven’t eaten anything since last night.”
“Okay…give me a second. I just need to talk to my boss real

quick.”

Ben nodded and turned to the door. “Sure, no problem. I’ll be

outside.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“You don’t mind if I take the afternoon off, do you?” Gage

asked softly once Ben was gone.

The mask fell, replaced with the concern Gage was more

familiar with. “Of course not. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize he was
your brother right away. I would’ve called you right out
otherwise.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I ever had reason to think

he’d show up here. Not in a million years.”

“What do you think he wants?”
Gage studied him through the window. Ben stood just outside

the door, hands in his pockets, attention fixed on something Gage
couldn’t see. He looked normal, healthy. If he was there to
continue the argument their parents started, or to deliver some
horrible news, he had an excellent poker face.

“I really don’t know. I’ll call you later and catch you up.”
“Gage…”
At Christopher’s soft tone, Gage broke away from his thoughts

to glance back, only to meet the soft blaze in the other man’s eyes.
Christopher reached and caught his nape, pulling him gently
forward until they were blocked from the street view by an
oversized armoire.

“If you need anything, I’m right here.” He didn’t kiss Gage, but

the slow caress of his thumb below Gage’s ear was a heady
substitute. “But whatever happens, you’re going to be okay.
Remember that.”

“I will.” Gage brushed his mouth across Christopher’s. “Thank

you.”

He wished he could have invited Christopher to join them. He

wanted to introduce the two of them and explain that Christopher
was more than just his boss. He wanted to be open and honest with

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Ben, to lay it all on the table to either be accepted or discarded. But
when he stepped out of the store, he didn’t see an almost fully-
grown man. He saw his little brother, and instead of making a full
confession, he gestured down the block.

“It’s just around that corner.”
Ben fell into step beside him. “I can’t believe how close you

are to the beach here. I could see it through the buildings when I
was on the bus, trying to find the store.”

“We can go down there after lunch if you want.”
“Don’t you have to go back to work?”
“Are you kidding? It’s not every day my little brother surprises

me with a visit. I told him I’m taking the afternoon off.”

Ben’s head snapped around. “You told him? You’re not afraid

he’s going to fire you?”

Gage couldn’t stop his smile. “He’s a very understanding boss.

He’s not going to fire me. Aren’t you afraid you’re going to get in
trouble coming out here?”

“Mom and Dad think I’m camping with Jonah and his family.

As long as I’m back by Sunday night, they’ll never know.”

“Does Jonah know he’s your alibi?”
Ben grinned. “You think I’m stupid? If Mom and Dad knew I

was here, I’d be kissing any fun I might have for senior year
goodbye.”

“The fact that you lied to our parents and essentially ran away

from home makes me think you might be a little bit stupid, yeah.
What are you doing down here?”

“It’s not running away if you’re going back.” They rounded the

corner, and Ben craned his neck to scan up and down the street.
“Where’s that sandwich place? My stomach hasn’t shut up all
morning.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Gage didn’t miss the fact that Ben didn’t actually answer his

question. His earlier fear that something was wrong intensified.
Instead of pressing for an explanation, he led Ben into the tiny
shop. There was barely room for three customers to stand there at
once, but after Christopher had introduced him to it, he never
wanted to eat anywhere else.

Gage ordered the sandwiches without consulting Ben, knowing

after years of making Ben’s sandwiches exactly what he did and
didn’t like. He noticed his younger brother’s eyes widen as he took
out his wallet to pay, flashing the tips he’d made the night before at
the Red Fin. There was easily a hundred dollars there in ones and
fives and tens. He also bought two Sprites—he preferred Coke
now, but he knew Ben would be startled by that.

“We’ll take this down to the beach. It’s pretty quiet there in the

middle of the week.”

Ben opened his Sprite as Gage led them out, tilting it to his

mouth as he looked around the neighborhood. His eyes never
settled on any one thing, though Gage couldn’t blame him for the
curiosity. He’d been the same way when he’d first arrived in Los
Angeles. And this part of Santa Monica was definitely a world
away from what they knew in Salt Lake City.

“Do you live around here, too?” Ben asked.
“No, I live in West Hollywood. I couldn’t afford to live out

here. An apartment the size of Grandpa’s basement would run a
couple of grand every month.”

Ben whistled. “But you’re doing good, it looks like. I mean,

that powder horn you sent me looked like it cost a fortune.”

“Oh, I guess that explains how you found me. And I’m doing

well enough to pay the bills. Probably better than Mom and Dad
expect.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“I would never have pegged you for working in an antique

store, though. A music store, sure. But I guess you have to take
what you can get, huh?”

“Yeah. Christopher, the owner, is a friend of mine, and he’s a

pretty good guy. I think he pretty much created a new position for
me, but I’m not complaining.”

“So all this is permanent? You’re not coming back.”
Gage swallowed. “No, I’m not. I hope you didn’t come all this

way just to talk me into it.”

“Like I could ever talk you into anything anyway.”
“What are you talking about? You used to talk me into trouble

all of the time. ‘Mom and Dad won’t get mad if you do it, Gage.’”

“That’s different. That was the truth.” A shadow passed behind

his eyes. “Or it used to be, at least.”

“I guess they’re still pretty upset?”
His shrug wouldn’t have been as big of a deal if it hadn’t come

with Ben’s gaze fixing on the beach in front of them. “Nobody
talks about it.”

Gage couldn’t even admit he was surprised. “That’s how they

always deal with things like this. Like if they just don’t talk about
it, all the badness will go away. I got tired of living like that, Ben. I
got tired of pretending it was normal.” He took a deep breath and
focused on his sandwich. “I’m sorry I didn’t…I didn’t really say
goodbye.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons.” Though Ben didn’t exactly

sound happy about that. “Is it better here? Honestly?”

“It’s so much better here that it doesn’t even compare. I miss

you, and I miss Zak and Brett, but otherwise, I don’t really think
about Salt Lake at all.” True now, but it would have a bald-faced
lie just a month earlier. “Things are really coming together here for

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

me.”

“Even your music?”
“Yeah. I’ve got a regular gig at a bar. I’ve played a few other

clubs and met some people. I’m actually opening for somebody
next week at the Roxy. Well, I’m opening for the opener, but it’s
better than playing somebody’s school dance.”

For all his avowals earlier at being so hungry, Ben had barely

touched his sandwich. He kept playing with his Sprite bottle,
turning it between his hands then taking a sip, only to repeat it all
over again. “There’s clubs in Salt Lake, too. You could probably
get more jobs there, even. You’re way better than most of the
bands I’ve heard.”

“Ben…I’m sorry I have to be blunt about this, but I will never

go back to Salt Lake.”

“But why? It’s a big city. Not LA big, but big enough. And you

don’t have to see Mom and Dad if you don’t want to. What’s so
special here you won’t even think about it?”

Nothing less than the truth would satisfy Ben’s questions. Gage

had never told anybody besides his parents that he was gay, and he
supposed if they refused to talk about Gage or why he left, then
there was no way Ben could have known. He could live with
disappointing his parents, but the thought of disappointing Ben and
Zak—the two people who had always looked up to him, always
loved him without condition—made him want to vomit. But he
was done lying.

“Christopher. He’s what’s so special about LA.”
“Christopher?” Ben’s confusion darkened his eyes, his brows

drawn into a frown as he tried to put together the pieces Gage had
offered him. “Your boss? But you had friends in Salt Lake who
would’ve given you a job. All you ever had to do was ask.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“Benny, I’m gay. That’s what Mom and Dad won’t talk about.

That’s why I left.” Gage sighed and kicked a stone at his feet. “Do
you hate me now, too?”

“What? Why would I hate you? Though at least now I get what

the big deal is for them.” He nudged Gage’s ankle, getting his
attention back. “I don’t hate you. I’m pissed you didn’t tell me
before you left, but that’s all.”

“Well, I guess I deserve that. But I just…I couldn’t tell you. It

took everything I had to tell them. I am sorry I assumed you’d be
as crazy as they are, though.”

Ben’s sudden grin was a reminder of happier times. “Mom and

Dad cornered the market on crazy a long time ago. We have to
settle for being just weird enough to be interesting.”

Gage returned his grin and pulled him into a quick hug, his arm

around Ben’s shoulder. “So, now, it’s your turn to come clean.
What are you doing down here? You didn’t come all the way to
California to drag me home, did you?”

“Well…” He took his time folding the paper back away from

his sandwich, the mood sobering again. “I did. I thought—well, I
guess it doesn’t matter. Not after what happened.”

“What did you think?” Gage prompted.
Ben scooped a dollop of mayo that had dripped along the edge

onto his thumb and sucked it away. “I thought if you knew about
Dad, you’d come home. But I get why you said never.”

Gage frowned. “Knew what about Dad?”
The explanation was slow in coming, Ben’s newfound

reluctance stretching the seconds interminably. “He thought he
might have an ulcer or a stomach bug or something, so he went
into the doctor to get it checked out. Except it wasn’t any of that.”
His head ducked, his voice lowering. “It’s cancer. They just got the

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

results on the biopsy last week.”

“Cancer.” The word seemed to fall out of him. His tongue felt

heavy, and his heart lurched, but otherwise, it didn’t feel real. “Is
it…I mean…how bad is it? What did the doctor’s say?”

“That’s the next step, I guess. They need to do all these tests to

see if it’s spread. Mom’s been all over us to add extra prayers, but I
did some Googling to see what it might mean. If it’s spread…”
When he looked at Gage, his eyes were bleak. The front he’d been
presenting was completely gone, leaving only his scared little
brother behind. “He doesn’t even seem sick. I mean, he seems like
he always does. But the more it’s spread, the worse his odds.”

Gage rubbed his eyes. “Jesus Christ. Fuck.”
Ben sighed. “I can’t believe they didn’t call you.”
Gage wanted to assure him they didn’t have his number, but he

hadn’t gotten around to getting a local number. His cell had been
the same for the past eighteen months. “Maybe they didn’t want to
call me until they had more news.”

“Maybe.” His voice lacked conviction, though. “Mom keeps

telling us it’ll be okay. Zak tried putting off his mission, but she
and Dad stopped that before he got very far.”

“Where was he sent?” Gage asked dully. “Wait. Why did they

even let him go? If Dad’s…if something is really wrong…they’ll
just send him home again.”

“Houston, Texas.”
Gage almost laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. Zak was pretty upset about it, too. He even said they

were punishing him because they had to send you home.”

“That makes God seem awfully petty.”
“Yeah, I told Zak he was being stupid.” Ben sighed. “As for

why they let him go, I don’t know. He’s only been gone for two

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

weeks, and they’re kind of acting like when you left. The house is
really quiet.”

“I can’t even imagine that place being quiet.”
“Things aren’t the same with you gone. And it’s not just Dad

being sick. Things have been wrong for a while.”

“Just a few more months until you can get out on your own.”
With a shrug, Ben picked up his sandwich and bit into it, letting

the conversation lapse as what he’d said sank in. Gage didn’t have
much of an appetite for his food, but it was easier to eat than focus
on the would-be future if their father’s prognosis turned out as bad
as Ben seemed to fear.

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Ben’s quiet statement came with his

gaze on the distant horizon, though Gage suspected he wasn’t
really seeing the ocean in all its glory. “That helps.”

“Did you fly down? When are you going back?”
“Sunday morning. I had to dip into my savings for the ticket,

but I thought it would be worth it.”

“Your college savings? Let me cover the ticket.”
Ben brushed his offer away. “You have bills to pay. I’ll just

clock extra hours tutoring this year to make it up. No big deal.”

Gage disagreed. It was a big deal. If he hadn’t been so stubborn

about cutting all ties, Ben would have never felt it necessary to
spend the money to fly to LA. Not to mention the cost of
transportation from the airport. He knew Ben would dig his heels
in—the boy had a stubborn streak a mile wide—but he couldn’t
stop Gage from at least making the trip worthwhile. The last thing
he wanted to do was sit around and feel sorry for himself or obsess
over his father’s health. He didn’t think Ben wanted to do that,
either.

“I guess we better make the most of our time while you’re here.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

What do you think? Disneyland?”

“Seriously?” The way Ben brightened at the suggestion made

Gage glad he’d thought of it. “Just the two of us?”

Gage would have liked to invite Christopher, but Ben knowing

Gage was gay and actually being confronted with the visual
evidence were two different things. “Yeah, seriously. We could go
there and anywhere else you’d like. I’ve even got a full tank of
gas.”

“Can I see you play?”
“At a real gig? I don’t know, I’m playing at a bar this weekend

and you’re not twenty-one. But maybe Julio will make an
exception for you.”

Ben reacted like it was a yes already, though Gage really

wasn’t sure what Julio’s response would be. But seeing him smile
was infinitely better than thinking about what had brought him to
LA in the first place.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 2

Focusing on paperwork helped Christopher not dwell on what

was going on with Gage, or who he was with, or what he might be
experiencing. This was his first contact with anyone from Salt
Lake since he’d left, after all. Almost anything could be
happening. Christopher still jumped for the phone every time it
rang, though. If he could just hear Gage’s voice, he was sure he’d
feel better. He simply needed to know Gage was all right.

But Gage never called.
As the afternoon melted into evening, he debated making the

call himself, but quickly dismissed the notion. He didn’t want to
interrupt if things were going well with Ben. More importantly, he
didn’t want to look like the possessive boyfriend, checking in
every five minutes just because he was worried. They had only

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been dating for a month—an absolutely fantastic, mind-blowing
month, sure, but not nearly long enough to merit such an
aggressive response to a few hours of separation. Though Gage
had become one of the most important parts of his life, Christopher
refused to push them along faster than Gage was ready to accept.
Everything in its own time. He would never take advantage of his
lover’s trust.

Though he didn’t have an appetite when dinnertime rolled

around, he heated up the rest of a leftover burrito he had in the
fridge and took it out onto the back patio to watch the deepening
blue of the sky as he ate. A breeze was coming in off the water,
cooling the lingering heat. How many meals had he had like this
over the years? Too many to count, and most of them solitary.
Before Gage had come along, he’d rarely met anybody worth
bringing back to his place for more than sex.

Gage was different. He’d always been different. He fit into the

niches of Christopher’s life like he’d always been there.
Sometimes, all it took was a smile, that sinful mouth taunting
Christopher closer, or a glance through his thick lashes, as if
confirming Christopher was actually there, and the entire world
made sense again, regardless of where they happened to be.

With a sigh, Christopher left his untouched food on the tiny

table and moved to sit on the antique, cast iron bench at the edge of
the concrete. He wasn’t in the mood to do any more work tonight.
He might not indulge his desire to call Gage, but that didn’t mean
he couldn’t get lost in daydreams about him instead.

The phone didn’t ring, but it did vibrate from a text message.

He rarely received texts before meeting Gage, and now he
averaged ten or twelve a day.

Come over? Need to talk.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

His fingers flew over the phone as he locked the back door.
On my way.
The drive to Gage’s passed in a blur. He shouldn’t have sped,

but he couldn’t help it. When it came to Gage, he had a tendency to
forget all of his rules. He had to park a block away, but the brisk
walk helped to slow him down, if only a little bit.

He had just stepped inside of the building when he heard

Gage’s rapid footsteps down the stairs. Gage rounded the corner,
flashing a smile as soon as he saw Christopher. “Looks like
somebody was speeding. I was going to meet you outside.”

As glad as he was to see Gage smiling, he was a little annoyed

with himself for forgetting Ben thought he was just Gage’s boss.
“Your brother’s still here, then?”

“Yeah. He’s staying until Sunday.” Gage shrugged. “He’s got a

pretty good cover story, so I don’t think they’ll send out a search
party.”

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
Gage pushed the door open, and they stepped into the alley.

The temperature hadn’t dropped below eighty degrees, and the
smell of the Hawaiian barbecue Gage lived over was almost
nauseating. “Among other things. I don’t…heck, I don’t even
know where I want to start.”

Before he could move beyond his reach, Christopher caught

Gage’s hand to pull him into a quick embrace. Gage was stiff at
first, unsuspecting, but the moment Christopher nuzzled at his
temple, he relaxed into his arms.

“How long do I get you for?” Christopher asked. “Do we have

time to go somewhere, or is Ben expecting you back soon?”

“I told him I wouldn’t be gone too long.” His arm snuck around

Christopher. “But you can come upstairs with me if you want to. I

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just needed to have a few minutes alone with you.”

“My car’s around the corner. We can have more privacy there

for a little bit first.” He tipped a smile at Gage as he pulled him out
of the alley. “Though I can’t believe this’ll be the first time we’ve
ever parked together.”

“Hopefully it won’t be the last time. Also, hopefully the next

time is a bit more fun,” Gage said with a wan smile.

When they reached the car, Gage didn’t protest Christopher

opening the passenger door for him. Before he slid into the
passenger seat, he closed his hand in Christopher’s shirt and pulled
him into a brief kiss. As they parted, Christopher tried to read his
face, but this time, Gage’s normally expressive eyes were closed to
him.

His stomach was in his throat when he slid behind the wheel

again, but he turned and bent his knee to better face Gage. “So
what’s going on? Is Ben in trouble or something?”

“No, Ben’s fine. He came down to see if he could convince me

to go back to Salt Lake. He said that Dad’s been sick. They found
something in his stomach and the biopsy came back…he has
cancer, apparently.”

“Oh, my God.” Of all the things Gage could have said, that was

the last thing Christopher would have expected. The knots in his
belly tightened, not for himself but for Gage, and he reached over
to squeeze Gage’s knee, desperate for any kind of contact. “I’m so
sorry.”

“Ben says that if it’s caught early enough, then the prognosis is

really good. The next tests are to see if it’s spread at all.”

“So there’s hope.”
“Yeah, I mean, he’s not right at death’s door. Ben said he’s

been pretty optimistic about the whole thing. They wouldn’t let

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Zak postpone his mission. I want to think that’s why they didn’t
bother to call me themselves. That they were just waiting until they
knew.”

For Gage’s sake, Christopher hoped that was true, but from

what he’d heard so far of the elder Kimballs, he wasn’t holding his
breath. Their faith had made accepting Gage’s orientation
impossible, driving him away when he needed them the most. That
had worked to Christopher’s advantage, but in the long run, he still
would have spared Gage that kind of pain if he could have.

He held his breath in anticipation of the response to the

question he had to ask. “What did you say to Ben about going
back?”

“I told him I’m not going back. That my life is here, and you’re

here. I don’t know what I’ll do if Dad asks for me. I guess I’ll just
figure out how to cross that bridge when I come to it.”

He hated how relieved he felt that Gage wasn’t going

anywhere. It was selfish to want to keep him around when his
family was in the middle of a crisis. But he relaxed at the
confirmation Gage offered anyway, and leaned closer, allowing his
hand to creep higher.

“Well, if there’s anything I can do to help, you know I will.

Don’t worry about work until Ben’s gone. Focus on spending time
with him while you can.”

“Thanks. I told him…he didn’t know why I left. So I had to tell

him I was gay. I honestly thought he’d just get up and walk away
or something. Or argue with me. Or…hell, I don’t know. But he
didn’t.”

Christopher blinked, waiting for more. When it didn’t… “But

that’s good. That’s what you wanted.”

“Yeah.” Gage smiled a little. “I feel bad for thinking the worst

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

of him. He’s never been the type of kid to let other people tell him
what to think.”

“After the way your parents reacted, I think you were justified

being afraid of how he’d take it.”

Gage touched the back of Christopher’s hand, lightly tracing

over his knuckles. “Do you want to come upstairs? We were going
to watch a movie.”

“That depends.” He caught Gage’s fingers, entwining them

with his. “Do I have to play boss and keep my hands to myself?
Because considering my current mood, that might be a little
tough.”

“No, he knows you’re not just my boss. I told him you were the

reason I wasn’t going to go back to Salt Lake.”

Emotion he couldn’t name flooded through him at Gage’s

simple statement. He’d always considered Gage one of the bravest
people he’d ever met. He’d left behind the only life he’d ever
known—and a very sheltered one, at that—to try to find his own
path in the big, bad world of Los Angeles. He’d succeeded, too,
already on his way with his first gig by the time Christopher met
him. But hearing the proof of it, knowing firsthand how swiftly
Gage was ready to claim their relationship to the people who’d
once meant the world to him, shook Christopher far more than he
ever would have anticipated.

“I’d love to come up.” He smiled and squeezed Gage’s hand.

“I’ll bet Ben has more than a few enlightening stories to share
about his big brother.”

“He probably does. Just remember that for every embarrassing

story he tells you, I’m going to get one from Rev.”

“You know, I think that trade might actually be worth it.”
“Yeah, now that I think of it, you probably have fewer

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

embarrassing stories than I do.”

“Only because I’ve had longer to bury the evidence.”
Gage lifted Christopher’s hand to his mouth, briefly kissing his

knuckles. “Maybe we can sneak out after Ben falls asleep. Since
we missed out on lunch.”

Opening his hand, Christopher dragged his fingertips over

Gage’s soft lips, groaning when Gage caught on and sucked one
into his mouth. “I hope the movie you were going to watch is the
unsexiest thing ever. Otherwise, I might not be able to wait until he
crashes.”

“Don’t worry.” Gage swirled his tongue around the pad of his

finger. “There’s never any sex in PG-13 movies.”

“At this point, all I need is to see a guy who reminds me of

you.” Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away and grabbed his keys.
“Come on. I’d like to meet your brother as your boyfriend without
making it blatantly obvious what we were doing down here.”

Gage nodded and pushed his door open. Their fingers brushed

as they walked, but didn’t quite intertwine. Christopher soaked up
as much contact as he could, knowing he would mostly have to
keep his hands to himself once they got upstairs. He stole a quick
kiss outside the apartment door, restraining himself from pushing
his tongue past Gage’s lips.

Ben waited for them on the couch, his attention on the

television, absently drinking from a bottle of Sprite.

“You going to watch Iron Man with us?” he greeted.
“If you don’t mind.”
Ben patted the cushion beside him. “Have a seat. We’ve got

chips and pop.”

“I’ll grab you a beer,” Gage offered.
Ben brightened. “You’ve got beer?”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“You don’t drink beer.”
He shrugged. “I thought I’d try it while I was in California. Just

to see what it tastes like.”

“It’s not legal in California, either.”
“Soda is fine for me,” Christopher said. “I still have to drive

home at some point tonight.” As he settled on the couch, he held
his hand out to Ben. “We didn’t get the chance to really meet when
you stopped by the store earlier. I’m Christopher.”

“Hi Christopher, I’m Ben.” He took Christopher’s hand in a

firm grip. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He liked him. It was hard to see the family resemblance, but

Ben looked Christopher in the eye without a hint of condemnation,
and more than a little fearlessness. Though he’d never had any
doubts about Gage’s assessments of his brothers, seeing it firsthand
went far to alleviate Christopher’s worries. He sincerely hoped that
when Ben returned to Salt Lake, Gage didn’t allow their renewed
connection to lapse.

* * *

Though he hadn’t been able to continue where they’d left off in

the car, he was still glad when Gage didn’t push away the arm
Christopher threw over his shoulders as they watched the movie.
The press of Gage’s thigh against his was distracting, even
confronted as they were by Robert Downey Jr. in perfect,
delectable form. He was sure Gage did it on purpose, but he
enjoyed it too much to make him stop.

When the movie ended, he was more than a little surprised to

see Ben zonked out at the other end of the couch. “Did we keep
him up past his bedtime?” he whispered with a smile.

“He’s had a pretty long day. Once I took him to the beach, he

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

didn’t want to leave.” Gage pulled away from him to stand, and
Christopher immediately missed the heat and weight of Gage’s
body. He took a blanket from the bed and gently spread it over
Ben’s still form. “He always crashed hard when we were kids,
too.”

“Do you still want to go out?”
“Yeah.” Gage reached for Christopher’s hand and pulled him to

his feet. “He’s not waking up again until breakfast. He won’t even
know I’m gone.”

He let Gage lead him out of the apartment and downstairs

without argument, but once they were back on the street, he tugged
Gage back into his side. “Do you want to head over to the Red
Fin? We can talk some more about everything, or get a late dinner,
or just have a drink and relax if you want.”

“No, I don’t want to go to the Red Fin.” He angled his head

back and kissed Christopher’s jaw. “Traffic’s light. I want to go
back to your place.”

His pulse jumped at the featherweight contact, but he

swallowed against the sudden desire to shove Gage into the wall
and fuck him right there. “If we go back to my place, you’ll end up
spending the night. You know that.”

“That’s probably true. I guess that means you’ll have to pull

your car into the alley so we don’t attract any attention.”

When Gage slid his free hand around to cup Christopher’s ass,

far more sure than he would have been just a month ago,
Christopher moaned softly. Even Gage’s slightest touches drove
him crazy. Sometimes, he could go from zero to a hundred just
from a chaste kiss. “Fucking in a car isn’t nearly as much fun as
you think it is. There’s no place for your legs to go.”

“I’m willing to work around that problem if you are. Where do

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

you want to go?”

He had no idea. The more Gage’s hand roamed, the more his

brain short-circuited. “Maybe we should slow this down for a
minute. You’ve had a big day, too.”

“Yeah, it was a big day. It was a long day, too, without you.”

He kissed Christopher’s throat. “And I really just want to be with
you now.”

At one point in their relationship, before Christopher had his

first real taste of Gage, he would have been able to be strong. He
didn’t think sex was what Gage needed right now. In fact, he was
pretty sure he was using sex to avoid thinking about his father’s
illness. Just five weeks ago, Christopher would have pushed Gage
away and stopped it from getting this far.

But this was now. This was Gage, asking Christopher for one

thing, one thing Christopher had no difficulty providing, one thing
he wanted as much as Gage did. The scrape of Gage’s beard across
his sensitive skin shattered what little resolve he might have had,
and his chest shuddered as he tried to catch his breath.

“Let’s go to Power.” The leather club where they’d met wasn’t

really either of their scenes, but hook-ups were common there.
They could dance a little, then find a private spot for something
more. “I still haven’t had the chance to fix those memories of
yours.”

Gage lifted his head, his eyes wide with surprise. “Really? You

want to go there?” He took Christopher’s hand and tugged him into
motion. “I haven’t been back there since that night.”

He smiled at Gage’s obvious enthusiasm for the idea. “All the

more reason for us to do it now.”

In Christopher’s book, though, any reason to spend time with

Gage was a good one.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 3

Power’s front to the public was unassuming, almost

nondescript. Even its signage was simple, black and white block
lettering proclaiming only its name to passersby. Being Tuesday,
there wasn’t a roped off line of hungry and horny men waiting to
get in, but Jimmy, the burly bouncer who always had a smile for
those he liked, lounged against the wall next to the door. He
straightened when he saw them approaching, and got the door even
though it wasn’t necessary. The music bled into the street, leeching
into Christopher’s already humming skin, but Gage’s enthusiasm
to get inside was even more intoxicating.

Though there wasn’t the same type of crowd the bar would see

on the weekend, the dance floor was still half-full, men in varying
states of dress gyrating against each other. Christopher’s cock
hardened the rest of the way, compelling him to tug at Gage’s hand

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

to pull him back against his body.

He wrapped his arm across the front of Gage’s chest, grinding

into his ass. Bending his head, he said in his ear, “Drinks first, or
do we go straight to dancing?”

Gage tilted his head to the side with a soft moan. “Dancing. I’m

not really thirsty right now.”

Considering their mood, he hadn’t really expected a different

answer, though at that moment, he would have done anything Gage
asked. He skimmed his lips down the side of Gage’s neck, catching
more than one jealous glance in their direction before his lashes
dipped to focus on the bare patch of skin exposed at the curve of
his shoulder. The scent of his skin, pungent and sweaty with a hint
of his cologne, erased everything else, drawing a low groan from
the back of Christopher’s throat.

His mouth watered. He licked over the spot once, but only

once, knowing if he took more he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Without letting Gage go, he maneuvered to the edge of the

dance floor, stopping as soon as he possibly could. He wanted to
feel Gage moving against him, the driving beat of the music
resonating through both of their bodies in a freedom they hadn’t
had the night they’d met. His hand slid to Gage’s hip, deliberately
grazing over the bulge in his jeans, and he grasped it firmly enough
to show Gage who was going to lead this first dance.

Gage cupped the back of Christopher’s neck, his fingers

playing with the long strands of hair. He tilted his head back,
mouth skimming along Christopher’s jaw, more of a caress than a
kiss. His hips began to move. Slowly at first, not to the beat of the
music, but to his own rhythm. Maybe it was a rhythm he heard
every day, thrumming through his body.

“You know, the night we met, I really didn’t understand what

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this place was all about. If I did, I probably wouldn’t have offered
to buy you a drink.”

Christopher turned his head to maintain the contact of Gage’s

mouth to his skin. “Good for both of us you did then.”

“It probably helped that you weren’t decked out in leather and

chains,” Gage murmured. He turned in Christopher’s arm, the hard
line of his erection pressed against Christopher’s thigh. “Though,
come to think of it, that look wouldn’t be so bad for you.”

Gage’s new position prompted Christopher to let his fingers

ease upward beneath the hem of his shirt. The tips dipped into the
waistband, and he caressed the upper swell of his ass, just the
faintest hint of what was to come, a tease of parting those cheeks
later to sink between them.

“All you have to do is ask.” All he would ever have to do was

ask. “Whatever you want, Gage. I’ll give it to you.”

“Right now? I want you to fuck me.” His hand slid down

Christopher’s chest, fingers stopping at his waistband. “Which I
guess is a bit redundant, since that’s all I ever seem to want these
days.”

“You don’t hear me complaining, do you?”
“Nope, no complaints so far.” His other hand went to

Christopher’s ass, his fingers flexing, and he nuzzled against
Christopher’s throat. Gage moved with the music now, but only
because the song changed to something slower and more seductive.
Christopher couldn’t stop thinking of the young man he’d met just
two months earlier—how shy he had been, how jumpy and
nervous. “I don’t have any complaints either.”

Christopher closed his eyes, letting the throbbing beat wash

over them. It was hard to imagine doing this with anybody else.
He’d picked up a few other men in clubs over the years, but none

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

had been more than one night, and certainly none of them had ever
fit into his life like Gage did. All of his trepidation at hooking up in
the first place seemed more than a little silly now. Things with
Gage were working out better than he had ever dreamed they
would.

His breath caught when Gage nibbled at a patch of skin, his

fingers tightening in reflex. The scrape of Gage’s beard sent fire
racing along his nerve endings, sensations he’d already become
addicted to. He hoped Gage refrained from shaving it off any time
soon. He’d miss the raw burn of his kisses when their hunger
became too much for either of them to control.

“Christopher? If I had to…I mean…would you…” Gage sighed

into the crook of Christopher’s neck. “If I needed to go back to
Utah to see my dad, would you think about coming with me?”

The softly spoken query took him by surprise, though he

quickly realized he should have known the fears about his father
still lingered in the back of Gage’s mind. His arms tightened.

“I already told you, I’d do anything for you. If you want me

there, I will be.”

“I know what you said…and I believe you. But…it’s not going

to be pretty. In fact, it’d probably be pretty awful.” Gage shook his
head. “No, forget I asked. You really don’t deserve to be put
through that.”

He wasn’t going to let Gage make that decision, no matter how

he felt about it. Catching his hand, Christopher broke their embrace
to pull him off to the side, his gaze searching for privacy. He
settled on a nook situated behind one of the thick, cement block
columns, and wrapped Gage back into an embrace as soon as the
rest of the club was out of view.

“You know what?” he said, his eyes boring into Gage’s. “You

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don’t deserve to go through that on your own, regardless of what
kind of honorable ideas you might have. I was your friend first,
remember? And friends stick by each other, especially when they
have to deal with the crap we do.”

“I don’t know if I’m being honorable. I think I’m just being

selfish.” Gage smiled, or rather, he tried to smile. “I want to keep
you to myself. I don’t want them to ruin everything. Because that’s
what they do. Ruin things.”

“They didn’t ruin you, and that’s pretty much all I care about.”

Christopher smoothed his hands down Gage’s back, working at the
knots that had started to return. “I can pretend to just be your
friend, if that makes it easier for you. Or if you really don’t want
me there, I won’t go. But I don’t think you would’ve asked at all if
that was the case.”

Gage licked his bottom lip, drawing Christopher’s attention to

his mouth. He watched as Gage tilted his head and leaned in,
tensing slightly as their mouths finally met. Gage kissed him
slowly, his lips pliant and welcoming, his tongue sliding against
Christopher’s. The rest of the club faded away, and as the slow
caress continued, he almost forgot what they’d been talking about.

He cupped the back of Gage’s head, holding him still so he

could savor the kiss as long as possible. The driving need that had
propelled them onto the dance floor had been substituted by
something else, something deeper, less primal in its base desires. It
focused him entirely on the body clinging to his, but more than
that, the instinct to convince Gage to trust him with everything he
had, to know Christopher would be there without ever having to
think about why, honed his responses to each seductive swipe of
Gage’s tongue.

While their mouths remained fused, their lower halves

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continued the dance, shallowly thrusting against the other’s hard
bulges, forcing the friction to heighten with each touch. The wet
fabric of his underwear rubbed across the tip of Christopher’s
cock. He wouldn’t be surprised to find a damp spot on his pants if
he could break away from the kiss long enough to look down. No
way was he going to do that, though. He was going to drown in
Gage’s mouth for as long as he could.

Gage shifted against him, whimpering softly as his hard cock

pressed to Christopher’s thigh. His hands went between their
bodies and he only needed to hear Gage’s soft sigh to know that he
freed his zipper. Just a second later, he felt a tug on his own fly and
then the pressure was gone. His cock sprung forward, hard and
aching. Gage’s fingers closed around his length, and the friction
was just a little taste of what he really wanted.

When Gage slipped over the pre-come dripping down the head,

Christopher gasped into his mouth. He was already so sensitive.
He’d probably shoot as soon as he got inside Gage’s tight ass. That
didn’t stop him from thrusting into the loose grip, though, or from
slithering his own hand down to seek out Gage’s shaft.

“Are you really going to fuck me here?” Gage said against his

mouth.

He probably would have said no any other time. After all, he’d

dragged Gage away the first time they’d come here. Public sex
rarely did anything for him. If anything, it made him self-conscious
about getting caught.

But he burned at the thought of fucking him now. They’d been

interrupted too much today, and with so many emotions rumbling
just below the surface of their skin, he craved the connection that
would only come once he was buried inside Gage’s welcoming
body.

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“I’m not waiting.” To prove he meant it, he pushed Gage back

until his shoulders hit the wall. “If someone wants to watch, that’s
their business.”

“Good.” A slow smile spread across Gage’s face. “Because I

can’t wait.”

Clearly, the thought of somebody watching them didn’t freak

him out. Or maybe it did, but like Christopher, he was too far gone
to care. He dragged his thumb over Christopher’s slit and thrust his
tongue into Christopher’s waiting mouth, his touch more
demanding as his hunger grew.

Christopher shuddered. He wanted to shove Gage’s hands

away, lift him up, and plough into him right then. Forget about
condoms. Forget about stretching. Forget about foreplay. Hell, the
whole day had been foreplay, leading up to this moment, this spot,
this driving need to fuck them both dry.

Common sense couldn’t quite disappear, though. As he

abandoned Gage’s cock to shove his hand down the back of his
jeans, Christopher realized this position wasn’t going to work, not
unless they stripped Gage from the waist down. The image was
tempting, but he wasn’t so far gone that he didn’t recognize there
was another, just as alluring possibility.

He lifted his head, panting for breath. “Turn around,” he said,

his voice already husky with desire. To spur Gage faster, he
squeezed the cheek his fingers currently molded around. Hard.

Gage claimed another kiss before complying, spinning in a

tight circle between Christopher and the wall. Christopher put one
hand against the small of his back, holding him in place, and
yanked his pants down to his thighs. Gage moaned and pushed
back, grinding his bare ass against Christopher’s cock. The texture
of his skin and the heat of his flesh almost made Christopher forget

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his good intentions. It would be so easy to push his cock into
Gage’s waiting body. He licked two fingers and slid them between
Gage’s cheeks, seeking his tight hole.

“Oh…oh God…” Gage sucked his breath in sharply as

Christopher pushed his fingers past the tight ring.

Christopher pressed to his back, coiling his arm over Gage’s

shoulder to bind them together. “They’re all jealous of me, you
know.” His ear was close enough to Gage’s ear for his hot breath
to reflect back into his face. He wasn’t sure where this wanton
behavior was coming from, but damn if it wasn’t exhilarating. That
was likely all Gage. Gage had always been the one to break all of
Christopher’s rules. “I know how lucky I am to have you.” He
twisted his wrist to find Gage’s prostate, accentuating his point,
smiling at the tremors that wracked through the other man’s flesh.

Gage bent his head to stifle his moans, but nobody would have

been able to hear them over the relentless music. The bass
thrummed through him, and Gage’s body jerked with each twitch
of Christopher’s fingers. Gage reached behind him to grip
Christopher’s cock. He stroked it, sliding the slick head across his
cheek. “I’m the…lucky one.”

Licking a path down the sweaty side of Gage’s neck,

Christopher reached the curve he’d kissed earlier and nibbled at the
flesh. “We’ll call that one a draw.”

He withdrew his hand and reached for his wallet, though it was

the hardest thing he’d done all night. Somehow, he fumbled it open
without letting Gage go and extracted the condom he always kept
on hand now. He had to lift his head to tear it open with his teeth,
but once he slid the rubber onto his aching shaft, he buried his face
yet again.

“Do you think you can keep from coming until I’m done?” He

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

dragged the tip down the warm crevice, coming to a stop at Gage’s
opening. “I won’t be long, trust me. Then, I can get on my knees,
and you can shoot in my mouth.” He started to press forward,
feeling the muscle resist his approach. “Nobody will be the wiser.”

Gage moaned. “I can try. Oh…oh God…”
Christopher’s head broke past the resistance, pushing into the

heat he’d been thinking about all damned day. When Gage’s body
shook with his rough breaths, Christopher slid forward another
inch. They didn’t have the luxury to take it slow. Every instinct
longed to slam into Gage’s body, to take him like he was staking
his claim. But he didn’t want to hurt Gage, so he stifled that
impulse, holding it at bay. His patience was rewarded when he
finally buried himself completely, and a low groan of pleasure
escaped Gage’s throat.

Touching Gage’s cock was out of the question. He’d never last

that way. To compensate, Christopher plunged his hand lower,
finding his heavy balls and pulling at them lightly.

“Next time we come here…” Christopher eased out of the

fantastic heat, each inch clinging along the way. “It’ll be your turn
to fuck me.”

“Fuck, are you serious?” His hand went to Christopher’s hip,

and he held him tight so he couldn’t pull away. “You’d let me do
that here?”

“Why not?” He stretched a finger and stroked the velvety skin

behind Gage’s balls. “We might have to lock ourselves in the
bathroom to make it work, but I don’t see why we shouldn’t try.
It’s not like I care about who comes out on top all the time.”

“No…I know.” The words were almost obscured by a whimper

as Christopher pushed into Gage again. “Didn’t think you were a
fan of…being in public.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“I’m a fan of you. The rest of it doesn’t matter.”
Words failed him then, the constriction around his cock

threatening to buckle his knees. He struggled not to squeeze
Gage’s balls too hard and hurt him, but there was no way he was
going to hold off stroking again, out and back in, sinking all the
way to the root before pulling out to the barest tip. Behind them,
the music quickened, the bass line stampeding straight to his veins.
He could have pounded mercilessly into Gage’s ass. The beat
made it more than possible. So did the constant needy sounds
coming from Gage’s throat.

He settled for something in between, a driving rhythm that set

both of them vibrating.

Gage’s moans and grunts grew louder and louder, until they

began to rival the music booming around them. Christopher’s hand
snuck over his mouth, and the hint of teeth scraped across his skin,
followed by his warm tongue. Gage’s hips snapped back to meet
each thrust, and Christopher countered by pressing even harder to
Gage’s back, to absorb every bit of heat he could. Gage felt so
vibrant, so perfect. The only thing better would be touching his
bare skin, feeling it slide against his chest.

Next time. As soon as humanly possible.
He itched to touch Gage’s cock, but not yet, not until he was

done. His balls were tight, aching as badly as the rest of him, and
he sucked hard at the salty sinew of Gage’s neck, muffling his own
hungry groans. He careened closer and closer to release, dizzy
from the drive of it. When Gage bit his palm, however, it was too
much to hold in anymore.

He slammed into Gage’s passage one last time. His orgasm

ripped through him, destroying everything in its wake, and he
clung to Gage harder than before, shaking with each jerk of his

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cock. Vaguely, he was aware of Gage tearing his mouth away from
Christopher’s hand, of hot lips skimming over his temple, but more
than a few seconds elapsed before he found the fortitude to lift his
head and meet Gage’s deep kiss.

“So close,” Gage choked out. “Christopher, please…”
Christopher took a half-step back, giving Gage the room he

needed to turn around. As soon as Gage’s back was to the wall,
Christopher dropped to his knees in front of him. Gage’s cock was
slick with pre-come, the fluid smeared from crown to base.
Christopher swallowed him down in one smooth gesture, his
cheeks hollowing as his throat bulged. Gage dropped his hand to
the top of Christopher’s head, and one more stroke was all it took.
He slid his lips along Gage’s shaft, tonguing the salty skin
hungrily, and by the time he reached the tip, the length jerked
against his mouth. Christopher caught Gage’s cock at the base,
angling it against his tongue as strings of come erupted from him.

With his lips sealed behind the crown, he caught every drop,

swallowing as quickly as he could manage, moaning in ecstasy as
it coated his throat. He glanced up through his lashes to see Gage
watching him, and was rewarded with another jerk of Gage’s cock,
another blast filling his mouth. When the flow ebbed, he sucked
harder, coaxing out the last few drops before digging his tongue
into the slit to chase even more. Nobody had ever tasted as good as
Gage did. Christopher had always preferred cock to come, but with
Gage, that scale balanced a lot more closely.

Christopher could have stayed on his knees all night, his tongue

tracing lazy patterns around Gage’s cock until it was hard again.
But they were already pressing their luck enough in the club, so he
pushed himself to his feet. As soon as he did, Gage grabbed him by
his shoulders and claimed his mouth with a hard kiss. His tongue

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

forced its way between Christopher’s lips, and they clung together
as the music faded and the track changed.

“Thank you,” Gage said, when he finally broke free to gasp for

breath. “I needed that.”

Christopher needed even more, but he knew better than to

press. He didn’t want Gage to have to say no and feel bad about it
because of his responsibility to his brother. “I aim to please,” he
said instead. He tucked Gage back into his pants before seeing to
the condom and his own cock, all the while continuing the ragged,
slowing kisses.

They both zipped themselves back into their pants, Christopher

looking to the left and right as he did so. But nobody was there,
and there were no bouncers on their way to throw them out. In the
dim light, he could see Gage’s cheeks were a little flushed, his
mouth a little swollen, but that wouldn’t attract anybody’s
attention. Not here.

“Is wishing you could come home with me too greedy?”
“No.” He swiped a wistful thumb over Gage’s bottom lip. “Just

oddly familiar to what I was just wishing.”

Gage closed his lips around the tip of Christopher’s thumb then

grinned. “Take me home, and maybe we can neck in the car for a
bit.”

“We do that, and one of us is going to end up getting fucked

again.” A burst of pure contentment shot through him, and he
matched Gage’s smile. “Let’s do it.”

“You know, sometimes I get the feeling that I’m the one

corrupting you.”

Catching Gage’s hand, Christopher began to lead him back to

the front door. “I can think of more than a few people who’d say
it’s about time I was corrupted.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 4

Christopher didn’t see Gage at all on Wednesday, though after

the time at Power and then in his car, at least he was left with
pleasant memories to distract himself for the day. Texts came
fewer and far between as well, starting with a Taking Ben to
Disneyland missive. He smiled at the image of the two Kimball
men running around the park, getting the chance to just have fun
without the specter of their father or Gage’s leaving hanging
between them.

He smiled even more at the photo Gage sent him, a picture of

him and a smiling Jack Sparrow with their arms thrown around
each other’s shoulders. The message that came immediately after
said, Wish he was you instead.

On Thursday morning, another text greeted him when he

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

stepped out of the shower. Gig tonight at Red Fin. Ben wants to go,
but Julio insists on babysitter. You mind?

There was only one way to answer that.
Never. Meet you at there at 7.
He dressed carefully, all too aware this would be his first real

chance to spend some time alone with Ben. Whether Ben noticed
or not didn’t matter. Christopher needed to make a good
impression, simply because he knew how important Ben was to
Gage, and especially in light of the fact that he seemed to accept
Gage’s sexuality. At ten to seven, he sat at a table off to the side,
away from most of the other patrons but still with a strong view of
the stage.

Only moments after Christopher settled at the table, Gage

stepped into the bar with Ben in tow. He scanned the room quickly,
his face brightening as soon as he spotted Christopher. Christopher
rose to greet them, shaking Ben’s hand first, unsure of the level of
intimacy Gage would be comfortable with in front of his brother.
Gage took the guess-work out of it by wrapping his arm around
Christopher’s shoulders and pulling him into a brief, but heady,
kiss.

As tempting as it was to grope lower, Christopher kept his

hands lightly at Gage’s waist, shifting one to the small of his back
when they parted. He caught Ben’s gaze on them as he turned back
to the table, but other than a mild pink in his cheeks, Ben didn’t
otherwise react.

“Any special rules Julio needs me to follow?” Christopher

asked.

“No, just don’t let him drink or wander around too much. I

tried to tell Julio that even if he let Ben have free rein behind the
bar, he wouldn’t drink anything. But I don’t think he believed me.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“He’s seen too many LA kids to trust you out-of-towners.”
“I guess that’s what happens when you live in a modern Sodom

and Gomorrah,” Gage said lightly. “I’ll probably be playing until
after ten tonight. If you guys get bored, you don’t have to stay on
my account.”

Christopher smiled. “Now when have I ever gotten bored at

one of your shows?” He tipped his head toward Ben. “But if this
one has a curfew—”

“Not this week.” Ben slid into the chair with the best view of

the stage, sprawling a little as if claiming his territory. “I’m
watching the whole thing. How many times do I get to see
groupies go crazy over my big brother?”

With an amused lift of his brow, Christopher glanced at Gage.

“Groupies?”

“Don’t look at me. I did not tell him that I had groupies. I

didn’t even tell him that I had fans. Except for the one obvious
exception.” With a final quick kiss, he pulled away from
Christopher’s embrace. It was all Christopher could do not to pull
Gage back into his arms. “I’m going to take a break at about eight-
thirty. Order me a plate of nachos, will ya?”

“We will,” Ben promised as Gage turned toward the stage.
That left Christopher alone with Ben for the first time. “Want

something to drink?” he asked. “Or I can get you something to eat
if you’re hungry. My treat.”

“If you don’t mind, that plate of nachos sounds awesome,” Ben

said with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. Christopher supposed
that for a seventeen-year-old boy, nachos was still something to get
excited about.

At the bar, Christopher put both orders in and added a water for

Ben and a Diet Coke for himself. The lights started coming down

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

as he carried the drinks back to the table, and for a moment, he
paused, trapped by the sight of Gage settling the strap of his guitar
over his shoulder.

He always took a few seconds before each set to tune up, even

though Christopher knew for a fact he did it before he arrived at
the Red Fin, too. Christopher had never asked why, but Gage had
finally admitted it helped quell those last few nerves before he
faced the audience. He could find his own headspace and perform
his heart out, giving the people who’d paid to see him a show that
was worth it. Christopher rarely saw those nerves, not after the first
couple gigs, but Gage insisted they were there. Christopher just
took his word for it.

These moments, however, were ones Christopher savored. He

loved this image of Gage, with his head bowed, his concentration
fully on his instrument. His deft fingers glided over the strings like
a lover’s caress, while the outline of his broad shoulders and strong
thighs in the stage lights should have been preserved on a painter’s
canvas. He was barely aware of his own appeal. He never had
been. That innocence captured Christopher again and again, always
when he least expected. He hoped beyond hope Gage never lost it.

Breaking free from his too romantic musings, he continued

toward the table, smiling at Ben as he slid into the opposite chair.
“Julio’s nachos are on the hot side.” He pushed the water closer.
“You’re going to want that.”

“Thanks. Do you always come here when he plays?”
“I try to. He’s amazing.”
Ben cocked his left eyebrow in a gesture that was so familiar,

Christopher almost smiled. “You’re not just saying that because
you’re the boyfriend?”

“No. I was coming to his shows before we started dating. We

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

were friends first, you know.”

“I didn’t know. He hasn’t really given me any details. I don’t

know if he’s uncomfortable talking to me, or if he thinks I’d be
uncomfortable hearing it.”

“He never expected you to accept the truth at all. He’s probably

still trying to come to grips with that.”

“I guess so. I don’t know what he told you about Mom and

Dad, but I can guess what you probably think of them. And that’s
probably fair. But not everybody in Salt Lake shares
their…fanaticism. I know three gay guys in my class. They seem
to be pretty happy and normal.”

Onstage, Gage introduced himself to the crowd, drawing their

attention away from the conversation for the duration of the first
song. Ben watched with the same sort of excited enthusiasm he’d
asked for the nachos with, splitting Christopher’s concentration
between him and Gage.

“I like to think Gage is pretty happy here,” Christopher said

when the song ended. “It’s taken him a while to adjust, but he’s
come a long way in the time I’ve known him.”

“Yeah. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him like this.

These past couple of years have been really hard on him, between
what happened on his mission, and school, and everything. He’s
smiled more in the past two days than in the past two years, I
think.”

“He’s glad to see you.”
Ben glanced over, meeting Christopher’s eyes. “No, I don’t

think it’s me.”

The second song started, but Christopher wasn’t ready to break

away from this thread yet. “His happiness is important to me. I
want you to know that.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“I believe you, but would it matter if I didn’t? I’ve never seen

Gage like this with anybody.” He tilted his head thoughtfully.
“Which probably should have been a pretty big tip, I guess. Can I
ask you something?”

“Sure. Whatever you want.”
“Are you two, like, really serious? Or is this more of a casual

thing?”

There was no easy answer to that question. Christopher knew

how he felt. He’d finally come to accept how deeply Gage got to
him, how much he wanted Gage around. But Gage was a different
story. Christopher was only the second guy he’d ever dated. He’d
been reluctant to get involved with Gage at all because he hadn’t
wanted to take advantage of that, but their connection had
ultimately been too powerful to ignore.

“We don’t see other people,” he said carefully. “I can’t speak

for Gage, because we’ve never sat down and really talked about it,
but for me, at least, no, it’s not casual.”

“Well, I probably shouldn’t have asked. It’s not really any of

my business. I just…I just really don’t want Gage to be in LA all
by himself. He’s tough, he’s always been tough, but…I wanted to
be sure before I left in the morning.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to assure Ben he wasn’t going to

abandon Gage, when his brain caught up to the teenager’s last
sentence. “In the morning? I thought you weren’t leaving until
Sunday.”

“I was, but Mom, thinking I was only camping about a hundred

miles from home, called me tonight and asked if I could come
home in the morning. They’re getting the test results back
tomorrow afternoon, and they really want me to be there.” Ben
shrugged. “I don’t know if they want me there for my benefit or

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

theirs, but I told her I would be.”

Christopher glanced at the stage. Gage was singing and smiling

at a young couple in the front, completely lost in his element.
“Does Gage know?”

“No. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell him without

making it sound worse than it is. Or as bad as it is.”

“Just tell him. Straight up. It doesn’t matter how your parents

reacted to his coming out. He still loves them, and if he finds out
later rather than now, it’ll be worse.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll just have to do that. Especially since I need

a ride to the airport tomorrow. I wish he was coming with me. It’d
be easier with him there.”

An echo of Gage’s query to Christopher that night at Power

drifted through his head. “You could ask him.”

“I tried to ask him before. He’s made it pretty clear that he

doesn’t want anything to do with Salt Lake. And I don’t blame him
at all. It’s just…sometimes being the last one left sucks.”

“But it’s not like you’re asking him to move back.” He couldn’t

stop hearing the pain in Gage’s voice, the fear he couldn’t hide. “If
he hears how worried your mom is, he might be willing to tag
along.”

“You think so? You probably know him better than I do these

days.”

Christopher frowned. “You’re not giving yourself enough

credit, Ben. He’s still the same Gage you always knew. He’s just
not hiding anymore. Your instincts told you to come here and tell
him, didn’t they? Trust those. Let him make the choice.”

Julio arrived then with a heavy plate of nachos. He set it

between them on the table, eyed their drinks like he was making
sure nobody slipped up and gave the kid alcohol, then bid them to

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

enjoy it. Ben dug into the cheesy chips immediately, shoveling as
much of it as he could into his face at once. Christopher watched,
more than a little stunned, wondering if his eating habits had more
to do with the fact that he was the youngest of seven kids, or the
fact that teenage boys had empty pits for stomachs.

“I wish they had called him,” Ben said between bites. “Mom

said she wanted everybody there to hear the results…like they
didn’t want to make a dozen phone calls if it was bad news.
Everybody but Gage, I guess.”

“Have they really not mentioned Gage in all the time he’s been

gone?” He already knew the answer, but somewhere in the bottom
of his heart, he wanted desperately to be wrong.

Ben shook his head and reached for his water. “No, they

haven’t. I even heard Bowden asking about him, but Mom
basically blew him off.”

Christopher had to stop for a moment to remember Bowden

was another brother, this one older. Prior to Ben’s arrival, Gage
hadn’t mentioned his family in weeks, and even then, he’d only
referenced his older siblings by name a couple times. He briefly
wondered if he brought them up now, what Gage would say.

“I’m impressed you had the nerve to come out here anyway.”

He smiled. “I guess courage runs in the family.”

Ben answered with a crooked smile of his own. “Maybe. I

prayed about it and I really feel like the Spirit was telling me I
needed to do this. I needed to find Gage. I know Mom and Dad
both think that Gage is sinning but this…this separation…it’s not
right.”

“No, it’s not.”
He was momentarily distracted by a shift in the music, Gage’s

voice softening as he swung into a ballad he’d introduced the

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

previous weekend. The audience grew quiet as well, enjoying the
gentle ride. This was part of Gage’s gift. People instinctively liked
him. How anybody could turn against him, Christopher had no
idea.

“I’ve never seen Gage pray,” he said thoughtfully. “I’ve always

wondered if that was a good or a bad thing.”

“I don’t know. I hope he hasn’t lost his faith because of Mom

and Dad. But I almost wouldn’t blame him if he did. Don’t tell
anybody I said this, but I’m a little jealous that he gets to do
whatever he wants on Sundays.”

Christopher smiled, not because it was funny, but because it

was such a teenaged boy thing to say. “You two haven’t talked
about it this week?”

“Not really. I asked him to pray with me last night and he did

just like any other time. But Gage can be really cut off at times.
Like he puts up a wall and he won’t let anybody through.”

Oddly enough, that didn’t sound like the man Christopher

knew, but he fully recognized he got to see a different person than
the one his brother did. “For what it’s worth, you coming here this
week has been great for him.”

“It’s been great for me, too.” Ben looked up and watched his

brother for several beats. “Does he usually sound this good?”

Easing back in his seat, Christopher fixed his full attention on

the stage again. His smile this time was for Gage, for the incredible
voice that filled the club. “Always.”

* * *

Gage smiled when he saw the plate of untouched nachos

waiting for him on the table. He slid into the chair beside

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Christopher, wishing he could touch him but taking satisfaction
from merely being near his boyfriend. Christopher touched his
knee beneath the table, letting his hand rest on Gage’s leg.

“I hope you two are having as much fun as I am,” Gage

greeted. “There’s a good audience here tonight.”

“They really like you,” Ben said. “Do you recognize any of

them? I mean, some of them act like they’ve heard you play
before.”

“Some of them have. I play here a couple times a week, and

there’s a few regulars. They’re all pretty friendly here.”

“So you do have fans.” He grabbed one of the few nachos left

on his own plate and munched it down. “Sweet. Next time I come,
you have to pick out a hot girl for me. I’ll totally be in because I’m
your brother.”

Gage snorted. “No, you’ll have to pick out the hot girl, but I’ll

do what I can to help.”

“You better be legal next time you come,” Christopher said

wryly. “I’m not sure having me as a babysitter will help your
odds.”

Ben waved him off. “If I’ve got a hot girl, I don’t need a

babysitter.”

“I thought you had a girlfriend, anyway. What happened to

Bonnie?”

Ben shrugged. “We had a small difference of opinion about

who she should be seeing. I thought I was her best choice, and she
thought Travis Baker, the captain of the football team, would be
her best bet.”

Gage slapped his brother’s shoulder sympathetically. “Tough

break.”

“You’re telling me.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“How long do you have between sets tonight?” Christopher

asked.

“Half hour, but it’s a bit slow tonight. I could get away with

forty-five minutes. You both going to stick around for the second
set?”

Ben was nodding before he finished speaking. “I need to make

the most of tonight while I can.” When he exchanged a quick
glance with Christopher, something passed between them,
something Gage would’ve asked about if Ben didn’t immediately
add, “Because I have to leave in the morning.”

“What? Why are you leaving in the morning? Did something

happen? Is it Dad?”

“Mom called. His results come back tomorrow.”
“And she wants you there?”
“Yeah. Family support, and all that.” He took a deep breath. “I

think you should come with me.”

Gage looked down at his plate of nachos, but his appetite was

completely gone. He pushed it away. “I think if she wanted me
there, she would have let me know.”

“She wants family, Gage. Last time I checked, you were part of

that, whether they like it or not.”

“The last time I checked, they told me I could get out of their

house and they didn’t want to hear from me again until I was ready
to repent,” Gage bit out.

“And what if something really is wrong with Dad? You want

that to be the last thing said between you?”

“If something is wrong with him, then you can call me and let

me know. Or they can call me and let me know.”

With a shake of his head, Ben grabbed another nacho. “You

know that’s not going to happen.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“Then why should I go somewhere I’m not wanted?”
“So I don’t have to face it on my own, okay? I thought—” He

tossed the uneaten chip back onto the plate and slouched in his
seat. “Never mind. If you don’t want to see them after what they
said, I can’t say that I blame you.”

Gage looked over to Christopher, hoping the other man could

provide some sort of solution. But he couldn’t fix this mess, either.
It was all up to him. If he stayed, it would be his decision. And if
he went with Ben, it would be his decision. Nobody else’s. He
hated the thought of Ben hearing the bad news on his own, but he
wouldn’t be completely alone. Bowden and Brett would probably
be there, and maybe even Joseph. Of course, Ben had never been
close to his older brothers. They were too far away from him in
age—they barely knew him.

“I’ll go,” Gage said softly.
Ben’s head snapped up. Hope burned in his eyes. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. I’ll see if I can get a ticket on your flight.” Gage

licked his dry lips. “I’m going to get a drink. Christopher?”

“I’ll come with you.”
They rose in tandem. The hand that had rested on Gage’s knee

now settled in the small of his back, offering more support than he
was sure Christopher realized. Neither man uttered a word as they
wound a path to the bar, but Christopher edged closer into his side
as soon as they were alone, his head ducking so his next words
were for Gage’s ears only.

“If you want me there, just say the word. My offer still stands.”
“Even with so little notice? What about the store?”
“One of the benefits of being the boss. I’ll shorten the hours,

and close for a couple days so I don’t overwork Annemarie.
You’re more important here.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“I feel like I’m dragging you into the lion’s den. You’ll need an

angel with a fiery sword to protect you.”

Christopher’s hand crept higher, rubbing small circles in

Gage’s spine. “I’ve got you. That’s all I need.”

Gage leaned into Christopher, wishing he could absorb some of

his strength. The thought of seeing his parents again made him sick
to his stomach. The reason for the visit made him feel downright
nauseated. “Can you take care of the plane stuff? I haven’t even
got a credit card.”

“Done.” He felt Christopher’s smile against his temple when he

brushed a kiss there. “Should I book us in first class and upgrade
Ben? Ben can tell everybody I’m your sugar daddy then.”

The thought of Ben telling the world that Christopher was his

sugar daddy pulled a smile from him. “If you do, I’m not going to
complain.”

“We should probably hold off on getting drunk on the flight,

though. That might be too many broken commandments, even for
me.”

“I don’t know, I might need to be a little bit drunk to face

them.” He leaned over the bar and filled a glass with Diet Coke, a
part of him wishing he could be a little bit drunk right then. “You
better look into getting a hotel, too. Something in the downtown
area will be good.”

“And a rental car. For the fast getaway.”
“You say that with a smile, but I can promise you’ll want a

getaway car.” Gage finished his drink and glanced over to where
Ben was still sitting. “I’m going to talk to Julio and then start the
next set.”

Before he could walk away, Christopher caught his arm. “You

amaze me. I just want you to know that.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Every time Christopher said something like that, the world

reoriented itself, and all the sharp, cold edges softened. “I would
never be able to do this without you.”

Christopher bent in and kissed him, soft and lingering. “Yes,

you could. But I’m glad you don’t have to.”

“Me, too.” More glad than Christopher could ever know.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 5

Salt Lake City was beautiful from above. Gage didn’t look

away from the window as the plane descended, riveted by the city
below them. The mountains butted right up against the city, the
towering peaks still capped with snow. The valley floor itself was
covered in green, trees surrounding the concrete and glass. The
passengers on the other side of the plane could see none of that, of
course. Their only view was of the lake itself, the dead water
stretching for miles toward the horizon. As the ground rushed up to
meet them, Christopher took his hand and squeezed his fingers.

“Are you okay?” Christopher asked under his breath.
Gage nodded, figuring that was easier than trying to put his

actual feelings into words. The Temple wasn’t as tall as the rest of
the buildings, but he could still see the giant statue of Moroni on

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

top until just a few minutes before the plane finally touched the
ground. A part of him was excited to return to the city he knew so
well, eager to show Christopher the few places he had only fond
memories of. But mostly, he felt homesick for California. He
already missed his own little apartment, but not as much as he
missed Christopher’s. He even missed the store.

Ben spent most of the trip asleep, and he jolted awake as the

wheels touched the tarmac. “We’re here already?”

Already? Driving to LA seemed to take less time than flying to

Salt Lake. Gage supposed that was the difference between pure
dread and unfettered hope. “Yep. We’re here.”

Gage deplaned and moved through the terminal in a bit of a

daze. He was only fully aware of Christopher gently touching his
back, guiding him through the crowds. Ben walked a few steps
ahead of them, his long strides easily covering ground, his single
bag slung over his shoulder. They could have been anybody,
visiting Utah for any reason. Gage wished they were there to play
tourist. They’d spend the week focusing on each other and having
fun, but Gage was certain neither of those things could happen.

“Do you mind driving?” Gage asked once they were standing at

the car Christopher rented.

“No, but you’ll have to tell me where we’re going.”
“I can navigate,” Ben announced. “I think Gage is a little

too…distracted.”

“I’m not distracted,” Gage muttered, sliding into the passenger

seat. Christopher shot him a concerned glance, but Gage was too
much in his own head to respond with a reassuring smile. Every
instinct was screaming at him to put a stop to the whole thing. This
wasn’t going to end well. He knew it. Christopher knew it. Ben
knew it. So why were they there?

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Nothing was far from anything in Salt Lake City. Even though

the airport was on the opposite side of the valley from University
Hospital, Gage knew he had less than an hour to pull himself
together. Their mother was waiting for Ben, so he couldn’t even
plead with Christopher to go to the hotel first. He needed more
time to get his thoughts in order. At the very least, he needed time
to gather his courage.

He’d never given the details to Christopher about the final

argument with his parents. He had mentioned a few of the things
they’d said to him, but never offered a blow-by-blow description
of the encounter. Those wounds had always felt too raw. They still
felt too raw. Gage had a feeling that the upcoming meeting was
only going to cause an infection to form in the injured areas. Just
seeing them might be enough to rip off the scabs. Gage couldn’t
help but wonder if Christopher would change his tune about the
trip if he’d provided more than the briefest summaries of their
argument. He wondered the same thing about Ben—if he knew the
full truth of the fight, would he still want Gage there?

Though the city hadn’t changed at all since Gage left,

everything looked different. The downtown area that had once
seemed so large barely looked more impressive than a model
village. The streets that had once been so crowded were empty
compared to the bustle of Los Angeles. Traffic seemed to be
nonexistent. Gas was cheaper at all the stations, and there were far
more billboards advertising Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity’s
radio shows. Every familiar detail only heightened his desire to
return to LA.

Gage wanted to pray. He wanted to bow his head, close his

eyes, and silently plead with his Heavenly Father to give him
strength, to comfort him, to bring him a sense of peace. That used

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to work. When he was younger, a quick prayer could calm almost
any fear. And if he ever needed God on his side, it was then. But
he couldn’t bring himself to form the words. He couldn’t quite
bring himself to believe that anybody was there to answer them,
much less that his, in particular, would be fulfilled. That was
almost scarier than the thought of facing his parents again.

He reached out, almost blindly searching for any contact at all.

His fingers brushed against Christopher’s arm, and the throb
behind his eyes immediately eased. Just that brief touch was
enough to ground him again. He might fear for his father and for
his own soul, but he wasn’t alone. As long as he had Christopher
with him, he could get through it. He might have felt like a scared
little boy right then, but that’s not how Christopher saw him. As if
to reinforce that thought, Christopher took Gage’s hand and gave it
a reassuring squeeze.

Ben performed as promised, directing Christopher to the

recently renovated hospital. It looked less like a medical building
and more like a glass fortress at the base of the mountain. Just the
sight of it increased the butterflies in Gage’s stomach. Somewhere
in that building, his father waited for what could be the worst news
of his life. That could be the building where his father ultimately
died—a macabre thought to be sure, but it was still a possibility.

Just remember, this isn’t about you. You’re here to be support,

not the center of attention.

The man at the information desk told them what floor and room

they needed. The interior of the hospital was no less impressive
than the exterior, the crush of people in the reception area and on
the elevators overwhelming. Nearly everybody there was on some
sort of somber business, and Gage almost forgot that good things
happened in hospitals, too. It seemed as though nothing good could

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come from them being there, or from visiting there.

“I’ll go in first,” Ben offered.
“To warn them?”
“It might be best.”
“Okay, I’ll wait out—”
Gage was cut off by the door swinging open. Sarah Kimball’s

figure filled the entrance, her hair pulled up into a loose ponytail,
her face scrubbed of makeup. Her clothes were dirty and wrinkled,
like she hadn’t changed them in days. She looked tired and at least
a decade older than her fifty-five years. “I thought I heard…”

She stopped as soon as she saw Gage, her eyes widening.

“What are you doing here?”

Gage ignored the prick of pain in his chest. “Ben told me about

Dad.”

As soon as he spoke, he realized his mistake. She rounded on

Ben with flashing eyes. “You told me you were going camping.”

“No, he went to find me,” Gage said, stepping between her and

Ben. “To tell me about Dad. Since apparently nobody else was
going to bother.”

“And who is this?” Sarah asked, gesturing at Christopher.
Christopher stepped forward before Gage could speak—not

that he knew what he was going to say. “A friend of Gage’s.”
Smiling, he held his hand out, unthreatening, appropriately
solicitous for the greeting in that way he always seemed to
understand. “Christopher Gleason.”

An impish voice prompted Gage to tell her the truth. He’s my

boyfriend, Mom. But he bit the words back. If it came up, he could
tell her the truth another time. “Christopher, this is my mother,
Sarah.”

“Why is he here? This is a private family matter, Gage.”

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“How’s Dad doing? Can we see him?”
“He’s inside. We’re waiting for the doctor.” Her gaze jumped

again to Christopher, who had finally dropped his hand as if it
wasn’t awkward at all that she’d never accepted it. “I don’t mean
to be rude, but this really is a family matter. Joe would be more
comfortable if it stayed that way.”

Though Christopher’s smile faded, his voice remained friendly.

“I didn’t mean to intrude, Mrs. Kimball.”

“Then you won’t mind waiting in the lobby for Gage.”
Gage’s heart slammed against his ribs, but he couldn’t think of

a single reason to protest. Except for the truth. He needed
Christopher. He couldn’t get around that, even if he did his best to
pretend otherwise. Christopher watched him, clearly waiting for
Gage to signal one way or another. He nodded, wishing he could
do anything else.

The look in Christopher’s eyes was warm and sympathetic, but

all Gage got was Christopher’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing
once before dropping away. “I’ll be downstairs, then. Whenever
you need me.”

Gage felt every single one of his footsteps as he walked away.
“You just had to be selfish, didn’t you, Gage?” Sarah sighed

and turned to the door. “Don’t upset your Dad in there. Not today.”

“I’m the selfish one?” Gage demanded, his face burning with

sudden anger. “Why did you leave it up to Ben to tell me what’s
going on?”

“Why would I think you’d care after what you did to us the last

time we saw you?”

“What I did to you?” Gage’s fists clenched and he actually took

a step toward the elevator. He would rather be anywhere else in the
world than standing in the hospital corridor with his mother. Only

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the pleading look from Ben stopped him from taking another step.

“Can we not do this right now?” Sarah didn’t actually sound

contrite, though she did sound tired. “I don’t have the energy to
fight with you and support your dad at the same time.”

“I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came to see Dad and to

be supportive,” Gage said tightly. “Is anybody else here?”

“Not yet.” She pushed the door open. “Brett got held up at

work, but he’s on his way.”

Zak should be here, Gage thought with more than a little

bitterness. He couldn’t even imagine how frustrated and frightened
his younger brother probably was, trapped in Houston against his
will, forced to stay there because Sarah had become a fanatic.

Biting his tongue, Gage walked past his mother to enter the

room. Joe sat up in the bed, clearly eavesdropping on the
conversation in the hallway. His face was slack, his eyes glassy.
From the look of it, the doctors must have had him on serious pain
medication. That, more than anything, terrified Gage. In all his life,
he couldn’t even remember Joe Kimball taking so much as an
aspirin.

“Hi, Dad. How are you?”
“Dying, didn’t they tell you?”
“Joe!” Sarah’s sharp tone startled the boys, though Joe only

slowly turned his head toward her as she came up to his side.
“Don’t joke about it. Please.”

Joe nodded, accepting the weight of her hand on his arm

without argument. “I guess you weren’t hearing things.”

Her face softened. “No. Ben brought Gage.”
“I thought he should be here, Dad.”
“Where did Ben find Gage?” Joe asked, and Gage

automatically tensed. He was very familiar with that tone, and he

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knew Ben would be punished one way or the other.

“He called me,” Gage said. “When he told me what was going

on, I decided I should fly out.”

“You wasted your money.”
“Because the doctor is going to tell you everything’s fine?”

Gage asked with forced lightness.

“Of course, he is,” Sarah intervened.
Ben stepped forward. “Gage is just as worried about you as the

rest of us are, Dad.”

“And you need to learn when to mind your own business,” Joe

said. “You were out of line.”

“You’re sick, Dad.” Gage hated to see the way Ben’s bright

eyes clouded at their father’s harsh tone. “Ben was just doing what
he thought was best. He said the Spirit told him to call me. Should
he have ignored that?”

The ceasefire he’d hoped for was helped by a brisk knock at the

door. All heads turned in time to see a tall, balding man in a white
coat enter, a file in his hand. His ready smile swept across the
group, lingering for a moment longer on Gage.

“Good to see Joe took my advice,” the man said. He held his

hand out to Gage. “You must be Brett. I’m Dr. Hutton.”

“Gage, actually,” he said, politely taking the other man’s hand.

He didn’t miss the brief flash of confusion on the other man’s face.

“Excuse me, Gage.”
“No problem.” The polite smile Gage plastered on his face was

starting to make his cheeks hurt. “Nice to meet you.”

“Well, if everybody’s here, we can go over your results, Mr.

Kimball.”

“Everybody isn’t here,” Sarah said. “Brett was going to…”
“No, I’m here,” Brett said from the door. His tie was crooked,

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

his dark hair stood on end, and his shirtsleeves were rolled up. “I
was hung up on an order at work, but I got away as soon as I could.
Gage?”

Gage tried to brace himself, unsure of what sort of reaction to

expect from Brett. Sarah and Joe might reveal more to him than
they ever would to their youngest son. But Brett only wrapped an
arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a hard, brief hug
with a muffled, “Good to see you.”

“Are we waiting for anyone else?” Dr. Hutton asked.
“No, no, everyone’s here now.” Sarah slipped her hand through

Joe’s arm, pressing tightly into his side.

“Well, then I won’t beat around the bush.” Pulling up a stool,

he perched on the seat as he opened the file he’d brought in. “I told
you after we did the ultrasound that it didn’t appear as if the cancer
had spread, but we needed the tissue fully examined before I could
give you any kind of definitive response. Well, it looks like I was
right. As far as we can tell, you’re in what we call Stage 0, Mr.
Kimball. That means the cancer’s confined to the tumor we found
in the inner layer of your stomach.”

Gage was almost weak with relief at that news. As difficult as

it was to be near his parents at the moment, he still didn’t want to
think of cancer devouring his father by the inch, turning him into a
shell of the healthy man who had worked hard all his life to
support his family.

“What does that mean for him now?” Sarah asked.
“The tumor itself is still cancerous,” Dr. Hutton said. “We have

to remove it as soon as possible. Just because it hasn’t spread yet,
doesn’t mean it won’t.”

“So he’s going to have surgery?” Gage asked.
“Yes, but it’s a very routine procedure.”

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“How soon can we do that, doctor?”
“The sooner the better, actually. My preference is admission on

Thursday night, with the operation Friday morning.”

Sarah nodded. “We can do that. Whatever it takes.”
The mention of Friday made Gage’s stomach clench. He’d

half-believed he would be able to return to LA in time for his gig.
But he knew he couldn’t tell Ben he was taking off. Routine or not,
they were still going to cut into Joe, and that was still a frightening
thing.

“And he’ll make a full recovery after the surgery?” Brett asked.
“Yes, he should. If we remove the tumor now, it won’t have a

chance to spread the cancer.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Sarah startled Gage by abandoning his

father’s side to impulsively give Dr. Hutton a quick hug. “Thank
you for everything.”

Dr. Hutton smiled and stood. “I’m just glad I could give you

good news.” He tipped the file at Joe. “I’ll see you on Thursday
night. Stop by the nurses’ station and confirm everything on the
way out.” Flashing a smile at the others, he left them alone in the
room.

Gage wanted to call the doctor back. Not because he had more

questions, but because he could count on everybody behaving like
civilized people as long as he was there. The beat of silence that
followed Hutton’s departure was unbearably awkward.

“I’m sending the good news to everybody right now,” Brett

announced, his fingers flying over his phone. “I’ll let them know
that Gage is back, too.”

“Don’t bother,” Sarah said. “He won’t be here for long.”
“I plan to stay for the surgery,” Gage said, meeting his

mother’s gaze.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

A muscle twitched in her jaw, her earlier joy already gone.

“And your friend?”

“What about him?”
“I’m sure he has a life to get back to.”
“As much as I’m sure he’d appreciate your concern, what he

does really isn’t any of your business.”

“It does if you’re planning on bringing him out to the house.”

Her voice was rising, all too reminiscent of their last fight.

Gage took a deep breath and forced his anger down. Instead of

rising to the bait, he chose to answer her question as though it had
been sincere. “He’ll be leaving Friday morning.”

Sarah regarded him for a moment longer, then sniffed and

turned to Joe. “Ready to go?”

He nodded. With her help, he stood and together, they walked

out.

Ben was the first to speak. “I’m sorry, Gage. I shouldn’t have

dragged you out here.”

Gage wanted to tell Ben it would be fine, but he couldn’t give

the younger man that reassurance. His stomach was tied up in too
many knots. He needed to get out of that room, out of the hospital,
and preferably out of the state. He needed to get to Christopher.

“You just did what you thought was the right thing. None of

this is your fault.”

“Will someone tell me what’s going on here?” Brett said. “Last

I heard, Gage was pursuing his music, and I know Mom and Dad
weren’t thrilled with the idea, but that doesn’t explain what all that
was about.”

Gage regretted not telling everybody all at once. He wasn’t

sure how many times he could have this conversation. “I am
pursuing my music. But that’s not why they’re so upset. They’re

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

angry because I’m gay.”

Brett frowned. He stared at Gage for a minute, then glanced at

Ben for a second before honing back in on Gage. “You’re…what?”

“I’m a homosexual.”
“Since when?”
Gage shrugged. “Since always.”
His head swiveled toward Ben. “And you knew about this?”
“Yeah. But only since I told him about Dad.”
“And you’re okay with it?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Yeah, why shouldn’t he be?” Gage tensed, squaring his

shoulders. “I haven’t killed anybody, Brett. I haven’t done
anything to hurt anybody or myself. It’s not a crime.”

“No, it’s a sin, and you should know that. You should both

know that.”

“Fuck you.”
Ben grabbed his arm. “Gage…”
“No.” He shrugged Ben’s grip off. “Fuck you, Brett. You don’t

have the moral high ground. Not with me. You might have pulled
the wool over everybody else’s eyes, but I know the shit you’ve
pulled. I even know about Jessica and the money you gave her to
take care of that awkward little situation.”

Twin spots of color appeared high on Brett’s cheeks. “Gee,

Ben. Really great idea you had to drag Gage home.”

“He deserved to know, Brett.”
“Then that was Mom and Dad’s call to make, not yours.”
“They wouldn’t have done it.”
“Exactly.”
“Don’t worry too much about it, Brett. Ben didn’t drag me

back to Utah permanently. As soon as I know Dad’s okay, I’m out

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of here.”

“For his sake, I hope you mean that.”
Brett could always push Gage’s buttons more than anybody in

the family. Gage’s earliest memories involved Brett stealing his
cookies, spilling his juice, and forcing him to eat dirt. Things only
got worse from there—mostly more bloody. Gage supposed that
was why his automatic reaction was to take a swing at his older
brother. He raised his fist, but Ben caught his wrist.

“Don’t, Gage. It’s not worth getting in a fight here.”
Gage clenched his jaw. If he stayed in that room for another

second, he was going to lose it. Without another word, he stalked
past Brett, taking the opportunity to knock his shoulder into Brett’s
chest as he walked by.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 6

The last thing Christopher wanted was to be stuck downstairs

watching an elderly man fidget with his wife’s purse while Gage
had to face his family and the potential horror of his father’s
prognosis alone. Support was his entire purpose for coming, after
all.

Gage was his entire purpose for coming.
But Gage had agreed with his mother’s dismissal, though

Christopher recognized the look in his eyes all too well. All
Christopher could do was hope everybody behaved themselves
because they were in a public place.

Christopher expected to be left to his own devices for quite

awhile, but less than an hour passed before Gage stepped out of the
elevator. He jumped to his feet, his heart twisting with concern

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when he saw the hard set of Gage’s jaw. He didn’t look like a man
who had been given bad news—he looked like somebody who had
been hurt deeply and either wanted to cry or start throwing
punches.

“Let’s get out of here,” Gage said, barely slowing his stride as

he approached.

Christopher glanced behind him for any signs of Ben. Seeing

none, he fell into step beside Gage, reaching the door first to pull it
open for him.

Gage headed straight for the car, practically jogging the last

few yards. When they were both inside, Christopher paused before
starting the engine. “Did you want to check into the hotel now? Or
something else?”

“The hotel, since the airport isn’t an option.”
His stomach fell. If the airport wasn’t an option, the news must

not have been good. Gage didn’t need that on top of everything
else, but at least, he wouldn’t be alone to deal with it.

He waited until they were sitting at the light before speaking.

“What happened in there?”

“Dad’s prognosis is good. The doctor says the cancer hasn’t

spread, and they just need to remove the tumor. They scheduled
the surgery for Friday morning.”

Christopher should have felt relieved, but Gage was still too

tightly wound for that to happen. “Do you want me to delay my
flight to Seattle so I can be here for you?”

Gage shook his head. “No, you don’t have to do that. The

surgery is apparently not that big of a deal. Your plans don’t have
to be fucked over, too.”

“But something’s wrong. I can see that.” They eased into

traffic. “Did you get into a fight with your parents?”

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“I exchanged a few words with my mom. But the fight was

actually with Brett.”

Brett. “That’s the one who’s getting married?”
“Yes. He showed up after you left. You probably saw him walk

through the lobby.”

He’d been too wrapped up worrying about Gage to pay much

attention to strangers, but he didn’t tell him that. “What did he say
to you?”

“He told me he didn’t want me here.” Gage rested his head

against the window. “Just stay on this road all the way across town.
It’ll take you right to the hotel.”

Christopher’s heart broke for him, but he held his tongue as he

drove. He didn’t want to have this conversation in the car where he
couldn’t reach out to Gage.

The Hotel Monaco stretched higher than its surrounding

neighbors in downtown Salt Lake City, with a luxurious lobby that
would hold its own with more than a few LA establishments.
Christopher handled everything at the front desk as quickly as he
could, but Gage didn’t even perk up hearing the amenities of the
suite he’d booked. The hardest part was holding back from
touching Gage as they took the elevator up to their floor.
Appearances here carried a greater weight than back home.
Christopher would do everything in his power to make it as
painless as possible for Gage, regardless of how empty it left him.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, however, all bets

were off.

“Come here.” Christopher dropped his bag by the door and

reached for Gage before he could step away from him. In the next
moment, he crushed him close, burying his face in Gage’s neck.

Gage’s arms immediately wrapped around him, and his soft

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sigh tickled across Christopher’s hair. Neither one of them spoke
or moved for several moments. Christopher was happy to wait and
follow Gage’s lead, but Gage didn’t seem to want to do anything
except hold Christopher close.

“I think we shouldn’t have come here,” Gage finally said. “I

should have stayed in LA.”

“That bad, huh?”
“They don’t want me here. I knew it would be hard. I didn’t

think…we’d all just pretend everything was the same as before.
But they just don’t want me.”

It was everything he had feared, though Christopher had hoped

after Ben’s positive reaction, things might have been better.
Platitudes wouldn’t help the situation, either. His family might not
have been quite as mean about his coming out, but he knew how
much it hurt to have the people you’d always loved and depended
on turn their backs on you.

All he could do was show Gage that he wasn’t alone, not like

Christopher had been. He never would be again if Christopher had
anything to say about it.

He skimmed his lips along Gage’s neck, absorbing the steady

throb of his pulse. When his mouth reached his ear, he murmured,
“For what it’s worth, I will always want you, Gage. Always.”

Gage caught his breath, his fingers curling tighter around the

material of Christopher’s shirt. He leaned back slightly, prompting
Christopher to look up. As soon as he did, Gage claimed his mouth
in a hard, desperate kiss. Christopher cupped the back of his head,
holding Gage in place as he returned the caress. He didn’t pull
away from the kiss, didn’t resist the hard edge, until Gage
gradually began to relax.

“Take me home?” Gage said against his mouth. “I don’t want

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to stay here.”

“Whatever you want.” As his thumb stroked along Gage’s jaw,

he lifted his head enough to meet Gage’s eyes. “How about we
take advantage of the suite for the night and fly back in the
morning? We can hide in here and forget where we are, forget
about everything but us.”

The suggestion coaxed a smile of relief from Gage, and he

nodded his eager agreement. Christopher took his hand and led
him away from the door, their mouths brushing together as they
walked. Christopher knew he couldn’t really make Gage forget
about everything that existed outside the hotel, but he still wanted
to give it his best shot. At the very least, he wanted to show Gage
that none of that shit mattered when they were together.

“I’m sorry I let her send you away to the lobby. I didn’t want

to.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t insist on staying.”
“That would have just led to a fight. Believe it or not, just

knowing you were in the building helped a lot.”

Their suite was comprised of two rooms, an outer room

designed for work and comfort, and a lavish bedroom complete
with king-sized bed. Christopher bypassed the sitting area,
lingering in the bedroom entrance to push Gage against the
doorjamb.

“At least you got good news about your dad. You can go home

with a clear conscience.”

“Yeah.” Gage lifted his chin, moaning as Christopher scraped

his teeth across his sensitive neck. He soothed the skin with his
tongue, his mouth watering at the familiar, salty taste. “And at least
I can say I tried.”

“That’s all anyone can ask.”

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He abandoned his exploration to return to Gage’s lips. The

need to erase every ounce of anguish Gage had experienced today
overcame his more selfish desires, and he cradled Gage’s face in
his hands, holding him steady as their mouths fused together. Gage
whimpered, soft and needy, and clutched at Christopher’s waist,
but Christopher deliberately kept the pace as slow as he could, his
tongue sweeping into dark corners he liked to believe Gage had
only ever shared with him.

Gage pulled at Christopher’s shirt, forcing it up higher to

expose more of his skin for his fingers to explore. Gage’s touch
was light but constant, the pads of his fingers gliding over
Christopher’s ribs and then up and down his spine. He moved
slowly, but there was still something urgent in the contact.
Christopher understood what Gage wanted—he wanted it, too—
but he couldn’t quite bring himself to pull away from Gage’s
mouth. His lips were so soft, so inviting, and he responded to every
sweep of his tongue so eagerly.

His pulse accelerated each time Gage found a new patch of

skin to caress. The kiss had already aroused him, but Gage seemed
determined to drive him to even greater heights, occasionally
raking his short nails over a tight muscle, shifting against his body
to add new pressure against his cock. Christopher fought the urge
to grind against him and lost. It felt too exquisite, too delicious to
stop, especially when Gage dipped lower, beneath his waistband,
along his hip to tease with promises of more.

Christopher gulped for air as he broke away. He swiped his

tongue over his lower lip, swollen from their incessant kisses, and
nearly groaned when Gage tracked the motion with his eyes. “One
more,” he muttered, then dove back down, sucking Gage in with a
fierce hunger that startled even him.

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Gage pushed his hand between their bodies, his fingers

working Christopher’s fly open. His nails scraped across his
stomach, and Christopher’s cock hardened completely. Gage slid
his hand along Christopher’s loose waistband to cup his ass. His
hand flexed, fingers pressing into Christopher’s flesh, a hard
contrast to the soft pliancy of his mouth.

He doubted he would ever get enough of Gage. Even when his

hands were full, when their flesh strained toward each other and
release seemed imminent, he wanted more. Something about the
way they fit together, like all the space merged into perfect pieces.
If he could have that, he could have anything. Everything. Because
with Gage, for the first time in his life, it was all too possible.

They edged away from the doorframe, step by step.

Christopher adjusted his hold, allowing one hand to descend to
Gage’s hip, but refused to forego kisses just to make it to the bed
faster. His head spun by the time he bumped into it. Not even that
was enough to stop.

Gage broke away first, his eyes bright and his lips swollen. He

pulled his shirt over his head, his elbows awkward angles as he
wrestled with the material. Christopher took advantage of the
opportunity to study Gage’s body, his gaze lingering on the
younger man’s flat stomach and hard chest. Once Gage’s shirt hit
the floor, he reached for Christopher’s and whipped it over his
head. When their mouths came together again, it was with the
added thrill of skin sliding against skin.

The quiet desperation in Gage’s kisses was new but

understandable. Christopher ached for the rejection he’d had to
face, because he knew, in spite of Gage’s fears, that he’d held
hopes Ben’s reaction to the truth might help pave the way with the
rest of his family. Gage would have denied it, of course, but he

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

possessed too good of a heart not to hope for the best. Christopher
wanted to banish every single bad feeling. He’d kiss him all night,
all week, all year, to make that happen.

Gently, he pulled Gage down to the bed, then farther to stretch

out on their sides. “Our other option is to stay locked here until it’s
time to go to Seattle. You can come with me now.” A thought that
filled him with every measure of joy.

Gage smiled at the mention of Seattle. “I’d love to go with you.

That sounds much better than sitting at home and missing you.”

Christopher traced his glistening lower lip, then leaned in to

nibble at it. “Everything is better when you’re around.”

“Christopher, I…” Gage paused with a soft sound of

frustration. “I just…I want you to know….” Whatever he wanted
to express seemed to be too much for him to utter, and he drew
Christopher into another long, desperate kiss.

Gage let Christopher press him to the bed, half-covering his

upper body as he worked at Gage’s pants. They both sighed when
Christopher managed to curl his fingers around Gage’s cock, but
Gage’s choked into a moan when Christopher pushed farther
down, finding the velvety skin behind his balls.

The muscles twitched against his fingertips, evidence of Gage

clenching and unclenching his ass. Lust for more than their simple
kisses surged through him, and Christopher lifted away to gulp for
a steadying breath.

“All our stuff is in the other room,” he said. “If you don’t want

me to get up, I’m fine if we just blow each other.” He let his hand
trail lower, worming his way deeper until his fingers slipped
between Gage’s buttocks. “But what I really want right now is to
bury myself so deep inside you, you forget everything that
happened today. All you’ll know is me.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Gage nodded, half-rolling from underneath Christopher’s body.

“I want that, too. I mean…I need that. I need you.”

The look on his face prompted Christopher to steal one more

hard kiss before disengaging. “Be right back.”

He toed his shoes off along the way. His pants ended up on the

floor in the sitting area. But by the time he’d dug the lube and
condoms out of the toiletries bag and returned to the bedroom,
Gage was already naked and spread out on top of the bed, just
waiting for him.

The sight stopped him in his tracks. “God, you’re gorgeous.”
The compliment brought a flush of color to Gage’s cheeks. He

wasn’t used to hearing that sort of thing, which was one of the
reasons why Christopher loved to tell him how amazing he was.
He held his hand out, gesturing for Christopher to give him the
condom.

“Let me take care of that for you.”
Christopher closed the distance, coming around the side and

resting one knee against the mattress. Their fingers brushed as
Gage took the foil packet, and the heat seeping from his skin went
straight to Christopher’s cock.

Gage gripped the base of his shaft and drew it toward his

mouth. Christopher tensed, unable to look away as Gage’s tongue
darted out to lick his head. He shuddered at the contact, shaking
each time Gage dragged his soft tongue over the damp skin.
Christopher reached down, brushing his knuckles across Gage’s
cheek and over the corner of his mouth, his heart speeding up
when Gage looked up to meet his eyes.

Whatever he had done, whoever had been looking down and

decided to throw them together, Christopher would forever wonder
how he had gotten so lucky to have Gage in his life.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Gage didn’t look away. His lips parted to suck the tip inside,

sealing immediately behind the crown. When his cheeks hollowed,
the new pressure elicited a groan from Christopher’s throat, his
breath hitching as he struggled not to force more of his length
inside. Every touch was a gift. Every flicker of lashes as Gage
steadily watched him battered against the walls shored around
Christopher’s heart. Gage had already broken down most of the
defenses Christopher had used to protect himself over the years, all
without trying. The rest would crumble very soon, whether Gage
meant them to or not.

At this point, it was inevitable.
Gage gripped Christopher’s hip with his free hand, pulling him

closer, guiding Christopher’s length deeper into his mouth. He
closed his eyes, but Christopher didn’t look away from him. He
watched as Gage swallowed more and more of his shaft, watched
his nostrils flare with a soft eye, saw the unmistakable hunger on
his face. Christopher jerked his hips, pushing deeper, and Gage
moaned in encouragement. His hand slid down from Christopher’s
hip, his fingers stretching to cup his heavy sac.

This wasn’t what he’d meant when he’d said he wanted to be

buried inside Gage, but damned if he could tell Gage to stop. The
suction was excruciatingly wonderful, each inch that disappeared
more sensitive than the last. His leg trembled, the muscles
threatening to buckle, but bracing against the bed helped. At least,
until Gage tugged on his balls. The pull sent a charge straight up
Christopher’s spine, and he climbed onto the mattress the rest of
the way, almost smiling when Gage moved over to accommodate
him.

Gage laid back, his shoulders resting against the pillow, his

mouth still wrapped around Christopher’s cock. Christopher

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

reached down to skim his hand over Gage’s chest, running his
fingers over the familiar texture. There wasn’t an inch of his body
that Christopher didn’t already know intimately, and that
knowledge just increased his desire. He rolled his hips, his thigh
and stomach flexing as he rocked forward. His hand moved lower
and lower, over Gage’s abdomen until he reached his throbbing
length. As soon as he closed his fingers around the flesh, Gage
jerked and moaned.

It wouldn’t take much to slide his body around and swallow

Gage’s cock. His mouth certainly watered for it. But Christopher
didn’t want to settle for blow jobs, not yet at least. Later, maybe,
after he’d lost time reveling in how tight Gage’s ass was, and his
lips were chapped from Gage’s beard and all their hungry kisses.

For now, he pulled at the shaft, matching the slow tempo Gage

set with his sucking. When he smeared the pre-come across his
palm, the texture tempted him too much not to bring it to his mouth
and lick it clean.

Without lifting his head, Gage tore open the condom. The

sound of the ripping foil was loud in the otherwise quiet room, and
it sent a thrill down his spine. He slowly eased back, his tongue
winding around Christopher’s length even as he lost inch after inch
of Gage’s mouth. When his lips finally reached the tip, he replaced
them with the condom, using his long fingers to slide it down
Christopher’s cock. His other hand closed around Christopher’s
arm, and he pulled him down into a long, slow kiss. He could taste
himself and his own pre-come on Gage’s tongue.

“I need you so much,” Gage murmured.
Christopher stretched out atop him, legs to legs, chest to chest.

Their cocks rubbed together, and he reached down to grasp them in
one hand as he returned to those heady kisses that drove him crazy.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

He pulled once, and Gage gasped against his mouth. The second
time brought a moan. On the third, Gage bucked upward,
prompting Christopher to smile and lift away.

“I’m going to ride you later.” He released their shafts and

drifted lower, tickling between Gage’s thighs until they parted
automatically for his exploration. “Because I need you just as
much.”

“I like the sounds of…oh.”
Gage lifted his hips off the bed, pushing against Christopher’s

fingers as they skimmed over his ass. Christopher pushed the tips
between his cheeks, seeking out Gage’s tight hole. Gage gripped
the blanket with tight fingers and dropped his head back.
Christopher’s groin ached at the sight of Gage’s long body, arching
in anticipation of his cock. He licked the line of Gage’s neck and
jaw, distracting the younger man with his tongue as he eased two
fingers into Gage’s tight body.

The muscles squeezed around him, hinting at what was yet to

come. He loved how eager Gage was, how much Gage responded
to everything they shared. At first, he’d worried it might just be
inexperience, but the longer they were together, the surer he was
Gage reacted that way because it was Christopher. That attraction
had been there from the start. Time and being together had
deepened all of it.

He didn’t bother with a third finger. Gage was too excited to

put up with too much more foreplay at this point, and frankly,
Christopher wanted that added tightness when he finally entered
him. Without lifting his mouth away, he groped for the lube,
popping the lid before pulling free of Gage’s ass. He sat up
reluctantly and dribbled it along his cock, using the excess to
smear across Gage’s waiting hole.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Gage hooked his legs around Christopher’s hips, pulling him

closer. He supported himself on one hand, hovering over Gage’s
body as he used his other hand to guide his cock to Gage’s slick
channel. He pressed the head of his cock to the clenched flesh, his
mouth finding Gage’s again. He felt the hunger in Gage’s tense
body, felt it thrumming through him as their tongues slid together.
Gage’s legs tightened around him, his ankles pressing against
Christopher’s ass, urging him forward until his crown breeched the
tight ring of muscle.

They both shivered as he sank inside. He would never get tired

of this, the slight surprise at just how intense that first stroke was,
the small sounds Gage made as they came fully together.
Christopher was shaking when his balls finally rested lightly along
Gage’s ass, tremors he could only quell by pulling Gage as close
against his chest as he could get.

“Is this what you wanted?” he murmured. “Or this?” On the

latter, he pulled out and then sharply snapped forward, his skin
stinging where it slapped against Gage.

“That…please…please…” He pressed his mouth to

Christopher’s, muffling his shout as Christopher slammed forward
again. Gage’s arms went around him, and his slick chest pressed
tightly to Christopher’s. He rose to meet each thrust, his body
straining against Christopher’s, his muscles flexing and shifting
beneath damp skin. He could feel Gage’s nails dig into his
shoulders, but that sting was nothing compared to the
overwhelming heat, the amazing pressure of Gage clenching
around his cock with each hard drive home.

It didn’t matter that they were in a town that bred such pain for

his lover, or in an anonymous hotel room, or in a bed that wasn’t
his or Gage’s. The world melted away, leaving only the rising

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

sweat to their skin that glued them together, and the vigor of
bodies straining to meet. Gage’s racing heart drummed against
Christopher’s chest, while his sped up in a desperate bid to match
its pace.

“Gage…” He panted, and then sought out his mouth again,

unsure how—or what—he needed to voice.

Christopher occasionally tried to slow the rhythm, partially to

make it last longer, but mostly because he wanted to take it easy on
Gage. But Gage refused to accept a slower rhythm. He begged
with his words and his body for more, for faster, for harder.
Christopher finally abandoned the notion of doing anything besides
what Gage wanted, entirely consumed by the need to match Gage’s
desires.

He wouldn’t last. Not with how tight Gage was, or how vocal,

or how needy. Not with how much Gage drove him crazy, or how
he made everything else inconsequential simply by being in the
room. Christopher shook with each fresh drive into that tight,
hungry hole, and only managed to slow the tremors from getting
worse by focusing on Gage’s body. His nails scratched over
Gage’s stomach, drawing a sharp grunt that reverberated through
them both, but the second he touched Gage’s hard shaft, his fingers
curled around it with the same bruising pressure Gage had on his
cock.

Gage’s moans slowly changed, growing in volume until

Christopher couldn’t hear anything else. They echoed in his head,
louder than the slap of flesh against flesh or his own ragged
breathing. He flexed his fingers, and Gage’s shout vibrated against
his mouth. He could feel Gage’s pleasure building, and he knew
the other man’s body well enough to know just where his breaking
point was. Shivers rolled down his spine, and he trembled with the

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

need for his own release.

“Chris…oh God…oh…oh fuck…” His back arched off the

mattress and his hot come erupted through Christopher’s fingers.

Heat flared everywhere—from Gage, from him, from muscles

and sweat and come and kisses. Christopher drove past the fresh
resistance in Gage’s ass, riding each of his tremors to a new crest,
pounding harder than he’d ever thought imaginable until the
constriction was too much to battle anymore.

His body locked. Everything rushed outward, and he barely felt

Gage’s hands smoothing up and down his back and ass, too
overwhelmed by the force of his impending orgasm. When Gage
squeezed around his shaft at the same time he slammed inside for
one last stroke, Christopher shouted, his cock jerking against the
tight walls as he filled the condom.

It was a long time before either of them were capable of

speaking. They made up for the silence with slow, exhausted
kisses. He pressed Gage to the mattress, his damp skin absorbing
the heat from Gage’s body.

“That was a good start,” Gage finally whispered.
“Only a start,” Christopher murmured. And no end in sight, if

he had anything to say about it.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 7

Dinner was simple and perfect. Christopher had offered to take

him out. He’d even gone so far as to look up the restaurants within
walking distance. But when Gage thought about the energy
necessary to get dressed and actually leave the room, he suggested
they order a pizza from The Pie instead. Their crust was just about
the only thing about Salt Lake he missed, and the one thing he was
really eager for Christopher to experience. Gage was already in
good spirits, but the smell of the freshly delivered pizza elicited so
many good memories that Gage couldn’t help his wide smile.

“You gotta eat this while it’s still hot,” Gage cautioned.
Christopher eyed the pizza. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pizza

with this much cheese.”

“That’s because they’re the best. Now dig in.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

Gage barely took his first bite before the hotel room phone

rang. His stomach immediately clenched. Nobody had that number
except Ben. Which meant his younger brother either had a good
reason to call, or he had passed the information around. Gage
didn’t like either option. Christopher ignored it. Gage tried to
follow his lead and enjoy dinner, but after the eighth ring, he
realized whoever was calling him wasn’t going to let him ignore it.

Gage scooped the receiver up. “What?”
“Gage?”
“Bowden. What are you…I mean, hi.”
“Hey, kid. It’s about time you answered. I tried your cell, but

that was going straight to voice mail. I was about ready to tell the
hotel manager he needed to send the cavalry up there.”

With the only person he was interested in sitting in the same

room, Gage had seen no reason not to turn off his phone. “The
hotel manager? Are you downstairs?”

“Yeah. Ben told us where you were staying.”
Gage wasn’t surprised by that. Annoyed, but not surprised. He

should have known his night wasn’t going to stay perfect. “Us? Is
Sherry with you?”

“Actually, no, Sherry’s at home with the kids. Chad’s here. Can

we come up?”

“Um, wait a sec.” Gage covered the mouthpiece. “Bowden and

Chad are downstairs. They want to come up.”

Slowly, Christopher swallowed the bite he’d just taken, his

frown more concerned than angry. “Not if they’re planning on
continuing what Brett started.”

“I don’t know what they’re planning to do,” Gage admitted. He

wasn’t surprised that Brett had been a dick to him. They’d always
had a difficult relationship. But his relationship with his oldest

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

brothers was almost nonexistent. Bowden was ten years older than
him, Chad twelve. They had moved out and started their lives
before Gage had even gone through puberty. “But you can kick
them out if they start, right?”

Christopher still seemed hesitant, but nodded as he closed the

pizza box. “I’m not leaving you alone for a second. Not this time.”

Gage nodded and turned back to the phone. “Yeah, come on

up.”

“Great. See you in a few seconds.”
He dropped the phone in its cradle, his stomach suddenly

heavy. It would be different this time. Christopher was here and he
was not going anywhere. He didn’t have the energy for another
fight—Christopher had made sure he didn’t have energy for much
of anything.

“Do you think they’d make a special trip downtown just to read

me the riot act?” Gage asked.

“They better not.” All of a sudden, Christopher closed the

distance between them and cupped his face, tilting his head back to
fuse their mouths together in a slow kiss. “Though if they do, at
least we’ll be alone again.”

“Christopher—”
A sharp rap on the door cut him off. With more than a little

disappointment that he’d missed yet another opportunity to try and
tell Christopher how he felt, Gage pulled away and crossed the
room to open the door. Both Bowden and Chad looked a little
older with a few more lines around their eyes, but otherwise, they
were exactly as Gage remembered. Bowden’s brown hair was
cropped short, his mustache and beard neatly trimmed. Chad was
thinning on top, the remaining stands of hair bleached blond by the
sun. Gage was about their height, but they always seemed so much

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

taller than him. Or maybe they just made him feel small.

“Come on in. There’s pizza if you’re hungry.”
Bowden led the way, but stopped as Christopher approached.

Their eyes met, and Gage braced for the same cold reaction
Christopher had gotten earlier at the hospital.

Then, Bowden smiled and lifted his hand. “You must be

Christopher. It’s good to meet you.”

Christopher’s surprise lasted only for a moment. Gage didn’t

think Bowden or Chad even saw it, but he did. He saw everything
about Christopher.

“It’s my pleasure,” Christopher said. After shaking Chad’s

hand, too, he stepped back to Gage’s side.

He felt the first hint of relief blossom in his chest, but Gage

ignored it. Just because they knew how to be civil didn’t mean they
were out of the woods yet. “When did you talk to Ben?”

“He called me after you left the hospital,” Bowden said. “He

didn’t want to go back to the house with Mom, so Chad picked him
up and brought him over to my office. He filled us in on what
happened.”

Chad opened the pizza box and peered inside. “Did you get

pull-a-parts, too? I haven’t had those in ages. The kids always beat
me to them.”

“We didn’t come here to eat,” Bowden said.
“Why did you come here?” Christopher asked. “Not that I

mean to be rude, but, well, Gage has had a pretty rough day.”

Bowden nodded. “I know. Ben told us.” He glanced at Gage.

“You should’ve just walked away. You always let Brett get to
you.”

Gage snorted. “Yeah, he knows how to push my buttons. But

it’s not just Brett, is it?”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“He’s been under a lot of stress lately,” Chad offered, his

attention still on the pizza box. He plucked a loose pineapple from
the cardboard and popped it in his mouth. “The wedding is in just a
few weeks, and Dad insists they shouldn’t postpone it even though
he wants to.”

“But that’s not an excuse,” Bowden said.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now. We’re going home tomorrow.”
Bowden frowned. “What? Why?”
“Are you seriously asking me why I want to get the hell out of

here? Ben did tell you what happened today, right?”

“Yeah, but since when have you let Brett off that easy? Plus,

he’s being an asshole. You take off, and he wins.”

Chad plopped down in one of the armchairs. “It’s not like

Brett’s your only brother, you know. You didn’t even tell us you
were coming. We had to hear it from Ben.”

Gage felt his eyebrows come together in a frown. “Just so

we’re clear, Ben told you everything, right? Why I went to LA in
the first place, who Christopher is, all that stuff?”

Bowden and Chad exchanged a quick look before Bowden

spoke. “You’re gay, and Christopher’s your boyfriend. Yeah, he
told us.”

“If you’re waiting for one of us to start calling you a sinner,

you’ll be waiting a while,” Chad added. “We don’t care. Not as
long as you’re happy.”

Bowden glanced at Christopher. “And he treats you right.”
Christopher slid an arm around Gage’s waist, pulling him

closer. “Gage’s happiness is all I care about.”

“Then, no harm, no foul.” He turned back to Gage, everything

about him seemingly sincere. “Seriously, Gage, just because Brett,
Mom, and Dad overreacted, doesn’t mean we all would have. I

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

mean, I understand why you didn’t want to say anything, but we’re
not here to judge you.”

Gage thought the three of them went a little beyond

overreaction, considering how they probably would have been less
horrified if he’d been guilty of murder. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you.
Today or, you know, before when I left. I just thought…you were
too busy with your own stuff.”

“We’ll forgive you today since you were so stressed,” Bowden

said in all seriousness, then grinned widely. “But we reserve the
right to give you hell about not calling us from LA for at least a
few years.”

“Unless you try excluding us again,” Chad chimed in. “In

which case, we’ll come out to LA and knock some sense into you.”

“What about Joseph? Where’s he been in all this? Mom and

Dad didn’t even mention him today.”

Chad and Bowden exchanged a look before Bowden said,

“He’s pulled his own vanishing act. He knows about Dad and the
prognosis. We keep in touch mostly through Facebook now. He’ll
probably come back sooner or later.”

“Did it have something to do with Mom and Dad?”
“No, not that I know of.”
Christopher’s hand tightened at his waist, squeezing gently

before letting go. “Did you want anything to drink? I can order
something from room service.”

“No, no, we’re good.”
Chad snorted. “Speak for yourself. If Gage’s boyfriend wants

to buy a round, I say we let him.”

Gage’s mouth fell open. “Since when do you drink?”
“Since I had kids.”
Bowden laughed. “Gage, we’re not perfect. Brett is the only

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

one of us who’s interested in that title.”

Gage blinked. It made sense, but it never occurred to him that

his older brothers did any less than follow the gospel to the letter.
Somehow, that small act of defiance made him feel better than any
other reassurances they could have offered.

“Bowden’s right about Brett, though,” Chad said. “If it’s too

hard being around Mom and Dad, come to my house. Or
Bowden’s. Just don’t leave. Family should stick together. And
you’re family. No matter what.”

Gage looked to Christopher, trying to read his face before

answering. “Family should stick together. That’s why I even
agreed to come back. Apparently some of our family has forgotten
that, though.”

“Then it’s up to us to remind them.”
At Bowden’s words, Christopher shook his head. “You weren’t

there today. Gage shouldn’t have to deal with that if he doesn’t
want to.”

“That’s Gage’s decision to make, isn’t it?”
“And he did. Why should he change his mind?”
Chad sighed. “Because he made that choice when he thought

he was alone.”

“He’s never been alone,” Christopher said. “That’s why I’m

here.”

Gage wasn’t sure how Bowden and Chad took that declaration,

but warm certainty flooded him. Christopher meant every word, he
was sure of it. “I’m not sure if seeing them again is a good idea.
Dad is really sick and my presence this morning didn’t exactly
make him feel better. Maybe it’s best if I just leave him alone.”

“Dad’s been too scared about the cancer to think of anything

else,” Bowden countered. “You saw him. Did he actually say

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

anything to you about it, or was it all Mom and Brett?”

“He told me flying out was a waste of money.” Gage shrugged.

“I know he’s been scared. I know he’s had a lot on his mind
but…it’s not just Mom. Dad’s had his say, too.”

Chad sat forward. “Then don’t stay for him. Stay for yourself.

Because if something happened to Dad, and you weren’t here, you
know you’d never forgive yourself.”

There was another reason not to stay. If he went back to LA,

he’d be able to keep his gig at the Roxy. But the Roxy wasn’t
going anywhere, and no matter how desperately he wanted to play
there, it wasn’t more important than his father’s health.

“I’ll stay until Sunday.”
Bowden smiled. “That’s the spirit. And seriously, Gage, it’s not

like you have to interact with them 24/7. Dad wouldn’t want us all
hovering anyway. Take Christopher out. Show him the town.
Catch up with your friends. And when it’s time for us to be there
for Dad’s surgery, you won’t just have Christopher as an ally this
time. Chad and I will be there to back you up.”

“Actually…” Guilt flashed across Christopher’s face. “I have

to fly to Seattle Thursday night for work. Though I keep telling
Gage I’ll cancel it. All he has to do is say the word.”

“No, you’re not going to cancel,” Gage said. “I already told

you I don’t want you to do that.”

“It’s not necessary anyway,” Chad said. “We can take care of

our little brother for a few days.”

“And I’m sure Gage has more than a few friends he could call

to keep him busy when we can’t,” Bowden added.

Gage actually didn’t have any friends he needed to see. He’d

only ever been close to a handful of people, and most of them left
Salt Lake when they graduated high school for college. He had

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

been completely isolated while attending BYU, out of sync with
his hyper-religious classmates. The final semester before he left
had been the worst, his misery compounding by the day until he
thought he would do anything to escape that hell.

“There are a few local bands I’d like to look up,” Gage said.
Christopher smiled. “You do that, and you’ll never even see

your family. Kind of defeats the purpose of staying, doesn’t it?”

“That’s more true than you probably know. I only really got

interested in music when I needed to find a reason to get out of the
house.”

“If you’re worried about Gage, I can make sure Sherry needs a

babysitter at some point,” Bowden said.

Perching on the edge of the couch, Christopher shook his head.

“As long as you guys promise he won’t have to deal with Brett and
your parents on his own, that’s all that matters.”

Gage felt himself bristling, slightly annoyed that Christopher

sounded like he was referring to a child. He knew that Christopher
was just worried about him—and he was worried about him
because Gage had been so upset. But he still hated the fact that
Christopher felt like he needed to extract a promise from his older
brothers to protect him. He wanted to fight his own battles, if they
had to be fought at all.

“Don’t worry about that,” Chad said. “We’ll be a united front.”
“Maybe after all this is past, you and your families could come

out to LA to visit,” Christopher said. “Gage does a great show. It’d
be a shame for you not to see it.”

Chad grimaced. “Don’t mention anything like that in front of

my kids. They’ve been bugging me about Disneyland ever since
Rita’s sister took her family.”

Christopher cocked his brow. “It must run in the family.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

“What does?” Bowden asked.
“He’s just teasing me,” Gage mumbled.
“Teasing about what?”
“Because I have a season pass and he thinks it’s funny that a

grown man would want to go to Disneyland at all, let alone several
times.”

“Probably because it’s a kid’s theme park.”
“There’s more to it than that,” Gage said defensively. “It’s a lot

of fun.”

“That’s because he’s almost a kid himself.” Bowden’s smile

softened the gibe, but it was still annoying. “Since Christopher
invited the kids, does that mean he’ll babysit so we can hit the
nightspots with Gage?”

Christopher shrugged. “It’s not like I didn’t have to do it with

Ben.”

“Our kids are a little younger than Ben.”
“And one of Chad’s is a spitter,” Bowden added.
“He’s three.”
“Still spits.”
“As long as he’s not a breaker,” Christopher said. “I’ve got an

antique shop.”

Bowden and Chad exchanged grins. “Oh, that might we worth

staying back and watching.”

“You’re not going to make Christopher babysit your little

monsters,” Gage said.

“They’re no worse than you were at that age,” Chad pointed

out.

Gage rolled his eyes, but he had to smile. He was just glad they

were so willing to accept Christopher as a part of the family. It
actually made the trip worthwhile. “Insult me again, and I won’t

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share my pizza.”

Chad snagged a slice. “Too late. Now how about those drinks?”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

CHAPTER 8

Christopher didn’t say as much to Gage, but when Bowden

invited them to dinner the next night at his house, he was glad for
it. It hurt to know he hadn’t been around when Gage was getting
attacked by Brett and his mom. He’d been helpless to do anything
but try and pick up the pieces afterward. Getting the opportunity to
spend time with a part of Gage’s family that actually seemed
supportive would make it a lot easier to leave Gage in Salt Lake on
Thursday night. Gage’s allegations aside, Christopher didn’t think
he should have to be alone at a time like this. Arguments and
hateful words were exhausting, and the fact of the matter was,
Christopher’s work wasn’t more important to him than their
relationship.

But he also knew he had to respect Gage’s choice. As strong as

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the urge was to shield him from this type of pain, he had to stand
back and let Gage do what he felt he had to. This wasn’t his fight,
though he wanted it to be.

The implications of that realization were enough to convince

him to let it go. For now.

Bowden and Sherry’s house was a pleasant two-story, with toys

in the front yard and a dog that came racing for the front door as he
and Gage approached. A child shouted, while another one started
singing off-key, and the whole image was so pricelessly domestic,
Christopher couldn’t help but smile.

“Just how many kids does Bowden have?” he asked.
“Four. Two sets of twins. Don’t worry if you can’t keep them

all straight. I don’t even think Bowden can.”

The door opened before Christopher could respond. Bowden

held it wide and gestured for them to enter. “Welcome to the
jungle,” he said as they passed. “Please don’t feed the animals
without permission, or I can’t be held accountable for what they
might do to you.”

The dog he’d heard turned out to be a Jack Russell who was

now fascinated by Christopher’s shoes. He stood patiently as it
sniffed around him and took in the cozy surroundings. “Thanks for
the invitation. It means a lot to me.”

“Sherry would kill me if I let Gage leave before she had the

chance to feed him.”

“Well, he’s nothing but skin and bones,” Sherry said, emerging

from the kitchen. Her blonde, shoulder-length hair was teased just
enough to defy gravity, and her clothes couldn’t have been more
simple—just jeans and a T-shirt—but they managed to show off a
body that no mother of twins should have. She might have been a
beauty queen in her younger days, but now she seemed quite

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comfortable in her role of mother and wife. She immediately put
her arms around Gage and pulled him into a close hug. “How are
you doing, kid?”

“I’m good. Better than good.”
“The kids have missed you. After Bowden said you were

coming over, they haven’t stopped talking about you for a minute.”

“Where are they?”
“I sent them upstairs because they were driving me crazy.”
When he caught Gage glancing wistfully at the stairs,

Christopher nodded in their direction. “Why don’t you go say hi?”

“Or tie them up until dinner’s ready,” Bowden said. “That

works, too.”

“Like I could subdue all four of them long enough to get one of

them tied up.” With a grin, he bounded up the stairs. Seconds after
he disappeared from sight, four shrieks of joy shook the pictures on
the wall.

“They’re going to sleep well tonight,” Sherry said.

“Christopher, what would you like to drink?”

“Water is fine, thank you.”
Bowden slapped him on the shoulder. “Live dangerously. Go

have a seat in the living room and I’ll bring out a couple beers for
us.”

Sherry sighed. “Maybe he doesn’t want a beer, Bo.”
“No, a beer is good.” Christopher smiled and shrugged. “I just

didn’t want to assume.”

With a chuckle, Bowden headed for the kitchen. “I’ll be right

out with those.”

The living room was tidy without being obsessively clean, a

place meant for obvious comfort rather than showing off. One wall
was devoted to framed family portraits, and Christopher wandered

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over to look at them as he waited for Bowden to return. Most were
of Sherry and Bowden in various stages of their lives together,
with both sets of twins interspersed. There were a few of Bowden
and his various brothers, but it was a large photograph of the entire
Kimball clan that drew Christopher the most.

The studio picture had been taken several years earlier, all

seven boys, dressed in shirts and ties, arranged artfully around their
seated parents. Gage stood second from the end, between Ben and
a brother Christopher had yet to meet. Without his beard, he
looked frighteningly innocent, his eyes bright and riveting, his
smile wide and genuine. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen,
and Christopher’s heart flipped a little at the idea of the young man
he must have been.

“Do you come from a large family, Chris?” Bowden asked

from behind him.

“No, it’s just me.” Though he edged to the side to give Bowden

room to join him, he didn’t look away as he took the offered beer.
“I’m not sure I can even conceive what it would be like sharing a
life with so many people.”

“In that case, I won’t tell you how big the extended family is.

It’ll give you nightmares.”

He smiled. “When was this one taken?”
“I think Sherry was pregnant with the first set of twins, so

about seven years ago. Look at them.” He gestured at Gage and the
two younger brothers. “They were just babies. Now Zak is on his
mission and Gage is…I didn’t even realize how fast he was
growing up.”

“How much did you see of him before he left for LA?”
“Not much. Holidays, family dinners, things like that.

Sometimes he’d come over to play with the kids, but I was usually

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at work. I did a lot of babysitting when he was younger, though.
Which turned out to be good practice for my own little monsters.”

“He’s good with people. I’m not surprised he’s good with the

kids.”

“He loves them. I always figured he’d carry on the family

tradition of having more kids than sense.”

“You’re probably not the only one.” He paused, weighing his

words. “He misses you guys, you know. He was so excited to see
Ben when he showed up.”

“We miss him, too. But after Joseph…I thought Gage needed

some space. A chance to be on his own.” He took a deep drink
from his bottle and seemed to be considering his words carefully
before he spoke again. “Between you and me, I don’t think things
aren’t ever going to be fixed with him and Mom and Dad.”

Though it was incredibly disappointing to hear, Christopher

couldn’t say he was surprised. “I was afraid of that. My parents
didn’t take it great, either, and they’re not even religious.”

“It’s not just that. I mean, it’s a pretty big part of the problem

between them, but it’s not the only thing. They love each other, but
Gage has always been very…independent minded. They’ve been
locked in a battle of wills for most of Gage’s life.”

Christopher finally turned away from the photograph to focus

on Bowden. “No offense, but you don’t seem like you live your
life under your parents’ thumbs. Why are they so intent on ruling
over Gage’s?”

“Because I did live my life under their thumb. Dad wanted his

sons to play football, so I played football. Gage hated football, and
didn’t even show up for try-outs. He just signed up for track and
field and didn’t bother to tell anybody until their first meet. Dad
wanted his sons to go on a mission, so I went on a mission. Gage

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got himself sent back home after less than a year, and he won’t
even tell them what happened. There are a million examples like
that. It all worked out pretty good for me in the end. I wouldn’t
trade my life for anything, but Gage…never saw the point in doing
what they wanted.”

He had to sip at his beer and consider it all after that. Of the

brothers he’d met so far, Bowden seemed the most genuine, the
most down to earth. Ben was a good kid, but he wasn’t even
eighteen yet. His worldview was still too focused on his own life to
be much good about anybody else’s. Bowden’s was the opinion
Christopher put the most stock in, and if that was how he viewed
it, complete with the advantage of distance, Christopher had to
believe him.

“What do you think of Gage’s decision to leave?” he asked. “Is

everybody expecting him to come home again at some point?”

“Expecting? Maybe not, but Ben sure hoped he would. Sherry

thinks he coaxed Gage back because he was sure once Gage
stepped foot in Utah, he’d forget all about California. I think out of
all of us, Gage is the one who could make it in LA. He’s smart
enough, and he’s stubborn enough, and he’d probably die before
giving Mom the satisfaction of being right.”

Christopher chuckled at that. “Yeah. He’s probably one of the

gutsiest people I’ve ever met. I’m not sure I could’ve done what he
did.”

“How’d the two of you meet?”
“At a club near his apartment. I was there to play designated

driver for a friend, and he came up and offered to buy me a drink.”

“And you’ve been together ever since?”
“Well, no, not exactly. Nothing actually happened that night.”

At least, nothing had happened after he’d learned Gage was a

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virgin. He didn’t think Bowden wanted to hear about the incredible
make-out session they’d had at Power first. “We were friends for a
little while before we hooked up.”

“So, I don’t want to pry too much, but what exactly is going on

between the two of you? I mean, is it casual? I guess I’m basically
asking what your intentions are toward my little brother.”

His gaze strayed to the stairs and the sounds of pure joy drifting

down them. “I think your brother’s pretty amazing,” he admitted
quietly. “I wouldn’t define it as casual, no, but I can’t speak for
him. All I can tell you is that his happiness means everything to
me.”

“I didn’t think it was casual. Somebody who’s just there for a

good time wouldn’t allow himself to be dragged into the snake pit.
I just don’t want to see him get hurt.”

“I don’t, either.” It was just too bad that it couldn’t be entirely

avoided in this visit. “Is it weird for you? Seeing us together, I
mean. I’ve never actually met the family of anybody I’ve dated
before.”

“It would have been weirder for me if he showed up with a girl

in tow. He never dated. Never even took a girl to his prom.
Besides, you seem like an all right guy. Gage could have done
worse.”

His mouth twitched into a smile. “That’s reassuring. Though

you’re welcome to ask me anything you want. I don’t have
anything to hide.”

“I don’t really have time to give you the third degree before

dinner. Though if you stick around long enough, Sherry will get
your whole life story from you.” A loud crash from overhead
attracted his attention upward with a grimace. “Are you in the
market for some kids? I’ve got a couple used models who are just

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about done destroying everything in my house.”

“Everything’s fine!” Gage shouted. “No need to come up

here!”

“I don’t even care anymore as long as there’s no blood

involved.”

“Maybe I should go rescue him anyway,” Christopher said.
“Judging from the sound, they’re in the playroom. Second door

to the right at the top of the stairs. I’ll take care of your bottle.”

Christopher passed it over and hurried up the stairs,

surprisingly eager to see Gage with his nieces and nephews. It was
another side of him that he never got the chance to see in
California. He found them exactly where Bowden said he would.
Gage was on the floor, surrounded by toys and four little bodies,
who all seemed to be equally intent on getting Gage’s full
attention. He good-naturedly put up with their shouting and
jumping and clamoring. When Gage noticed him in the doorway,
he smiled.

“Come on in, if you dare. Kids, this is my friend Christopher.

Christopher, these are the two oldest, Sage and Parley. The little
girls are Emily and Flora.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Christopher said politely.
Flora, or maybe it was Emily, boldly marched up and took his

hand. “We’re playing a game. Come play with us.”

Normally, he had very little interest in children or playing with

them. But seeing the smile on Gage’s face made it all worth it. In
that moment, he couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

* * *

An evening breeze took an edge off the heat, casting a cozy

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100

calm over the entire backyard. Christopher and Gage sat on a
swing on the patio, Gage nestled into Christopher’s side with a
half-empty beer in his loose grip, Christopher with his arm around
Gage’s shoulders. Noise from the road occasionally broke the
silence, but the house behind them was quieter than it had been
since they’d arrived. Bedtime seemed to be a serious matter in this
particular household. With two sets of twins, it required both
Sherry and Bowden to get it done.

“I’m going to miss this tomorrow night,” Christopher said

softly.

“Me, too. Does that mean you enjoyed yourself tonight?”
“I did. I even liked losing Candyland to a four-year-old. Who’d

have guessed it?”

“Don’t feel too bad about that. She’s a pretty clever four-year-

old. Gosh, I’m so stuffed. I swear she made enough food for
twenty people.”

Christopher turned to brush his lips across the top of Gage’s

head. “That’s because she’s trying to fatten you up. She clearly
thinks I’m starving you or something.”

Gage snorted. “I’ll be sure to tell her that you take good care of

me.”

“We can blame it on Julio and all your gigs. The sordid life of a

rock star.”

“No, that’d never work. Rock stars are supposed to be all about

excess. Julio always acts insulted if I don’t eat his nachos.”

“I think if Sherry and Bowden were really worried about you

going to some kind of excess, you’d have a lot more to complain
about than a big meal.”

Gage’s hand slid up Christopher’s thigh. “It’s been nice here,

but I gotta say, I can’t wait to get you to myself tonight.”

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101

Small shocks skittered along Christopher’s leg, but he held

back on encouraging more contact yet. He liked it when Gage took
the initiative and took what he wanted. His confidence had grown
by leaps and bounds since that first fateful night at Power. “LA
seems so far away from here. Sometimes it amazes me you got
away.”

“It’s funny you say that. I feel like everything’s just been a

reminder of how easy it was to go. I mean, I missed everybody and
the kids, but…I didn’t have a life here. Not like I do in LA with
you.”

“Bowden said you didn’t even go to prom.”
“No. Why would I have wanted to?”
“I don’t know. I guess…I’ve always had it in my head you

must’ve had this Happy Days kind of life, in spite of not being able
to come out. And going to prom just seems like such a middle
America thing to do.” He sighed, and rested his head against
Gage’s. “Don’t listen to me. I sound like an idiot tonight.”

“No more than any other night,” Gage said lightly. “Prom was

just an excuse for everybody to get drunk and get laid. Not that I
had anything against that in general. But it seemed like a big waste
of time and money since my preferred date was escorting the
homecoming queen.”

“What did you end up doing instead?”
Gage laughed. “I don’t really remember. It was five years ago,

and not going to the prom just wasn’t that big of a deal to me. I
was probably playing Halo 2 with Zak. What about you? Did you
go to your prom?”

He smiled at the memory. “I did, actually. I took a friend of

mine who really wanted to go, but she was too shy to ask the guy
she liked to go with her. By the time she worked up the nerve, it

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102

was too late, and I felt so bad for her, I told her I’d take her so she
could cut in on at least one of his dances.”

“So facilitating everybody’s love life isn’t really a new thing

for you?”

“Not when you put it like that.” He laughed. “Though for the

record, Shelley never did cut in. The guy she liked didn’t end up
dancing at all, because he’d fallen asleep on the beach the day
before and gotten burned to a crisp. He wouldn’t even let his date
touch him for the photographs.”

Gage chuckled. “I bet that’s not a mistake he made twice. Does

the story have a happy ending for you? Did you at least steal some
girl’s date?”

“I wish. I ended up going back to the store with Shelley, and

Grandpa got us drunk on martinis while we marathoned James
Bond movies until six in the morning. I did, however, sneak away
to the bathroom once to jerk off to my favorite Sean Connery
fantasy. Does that count as a happy ending?”

“I guess that’s a happier ending than playing video games all

night.” Gage’s mouth brushed across his ear. “Your favorite
fantasy, huh? Does that mean you have more than one fantasy
about Sean Connery?”

“Well, he made a lot of movies.” His eyes fluttered shut as

Gage moved lower, along the side of his neck. “And the man was
hot. I don’t think multiple fantasies is that unreasonable.”

“I never said it was unreasonable. I just never realized what an

active imagination you have.”

“You should’ve seen it when you were dating Bodie. Though

overactive might’ve been a better word.”

He felt Gage’s smile against his neck. “You poor man. You

probably tortured yourself with all kinds of things that never

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103

happened.”

“I blame Bodie.”
“Oh? Was he calling you every day and rubbing it in?”
“No. It’s just easier to do that than admit how blind I was to

how much I liked you from the start.”

“Yeah, the insane jealousy should have been a pretty big tip.”
His arm tightened around Gage’s shoulders, pulling him closer

against his chest. “It wasn’t insane. Mildly neurotic, at best.”

“No, you were insanely jealous.” Gage’s hand moved higher up

Christopher’s thighs, the tips of his fingers brushing against his
cock. “That’s okay. I probably would have gone nuts if you’d
started dating somebody.”

“I couldn’t have done that,” he said in all honesty. His throat

was tight, and the urge to pull Gage onto his lap almost
overwhelming. “I couldn’t even see anybody but you after that
night at Power.”

Gage lifted his head. “Really? What if I’d stayed with Bodie

for…six months? Do you think you would have been chaste that
whole time?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Which probably makes me look

pathetic, but Jesus, Gage, you’ve been under my skin from the
start. That night you got drunk at the Red Fin was both the worst
and best of my life.”

“I don’t think it’s pathetic. I think it’s pretty hot, actually.”
The unexpected response jolted a bark of laughter from him.

“You think it’s hot to get me all worked up and then not want me
to do anything about it?” He paused, hearing what he’d actually
said. “Okay, that’s a little hot. But it would be hotter if it was you.”

“What are you saying? You want to get me all worked up and

then leave me hanging?”

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104

This time, he didn’t resist the impulse. Reaching around Gage’s

body, he pulled at his hip to slide him onto Christopher’s legs until
his hard cock nestled perfectly against Gage’s ass. “I’m saying, it
would be hot to stretch you out on the bed, and work you over
from head to toe,” he said, his voice husky with desire. “Just my
mouth the first time, just enough to get you excited. But we
wouldn’t fuck right away. I’d let you relax a little before taking a
second pass, and then a third, and I’d keep doing it, getting you to
the edge like that, until you were begging to come.” His fingers
dug hard into Gage’s thigh, while his other hand cupped the back
of his neck. “That would be hot.”

Gage moaned softly. “Oh my God, what are you trying to do to

me? If Bowden comes out here now, I’ll probably die.”

Christopher chuckled. “You’re the one who asked.”
“You’re the one who’s going to have to find a graceful way to

explain our swift exit.”

“Did I say I was going to do that to you tonight?”
“When do you plan to do it?”
He pulled Gage closer until their lips almost touched. “You tell

me.”

“I don’t have any problems with tonight. My whole schedule is

clear.”

“It would be rude to just skip out.”
Gage grinned. “That’s why I said you’re the one who has to

find a graceful way out.”

“Why do I have to be the bad guy? I’m already the one

corrupting his little brother.”

“Because if I tried to do it, he would think of a million ways to

keep us around. He collects model trains. He’s got hundreds of
them. Think about that. Hundreds.”

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105

With a sigh, Christopher closed the rest of the distance and

sealed their mouths together. Gage’s tongue was cold and sweet
from his beer, tangling easily with his own, and his eager hands
danced along Christopher’s chest. Each fleeting touch was another
taunt about what they could be doing elsewhere—what they should
be doing—leaving Christopher throbbing by the time he pulled
back.

“Have I mentioned how much I’m going to miss this tomorrow

night?” he whispered.

“It’ll only be for three nights. Three very, very long nights.”
He wanted to ask to stay, but he didn’t dare voice the request.

Gage had made it clear he wanted Christopher to go. He had to
honor that, even if he really, really, really hated the idea.

Reluctantly, he eased his hold on Gage and pushed him away.

“If you can get us out of here without embarrassing us, I’ll spend
the rest of the night making it up to you. I promise.”

Gage stood and adjusted himself. “Okay, I’ll do it. But give me

a few seconds, or it won’t really matter what I say.”

Christopher grinned. “Whatever it takes.”
Apt words for more than just that particular escape, he realized.

They epitomized his entire attitude toward their relationship.

Whatever it took. To make it work, to make it last. To ensure

Gage came through this week as unscathed as possible.

He’d do it. Because Gage was worth it.

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106

CHAPTER 9

If there was anything more oppressive than a hospital waiting

room, Gage didn’t know what it could be. The room wasn’t that
small, but it felt like it was no bigger than your average jail cell.
Gage kept to himself on one side of the room, armed with his
phone and mp3 player and a book. But he didn’t want to listen to
music, Christopher couldn’t send him a constant series of texts,
and his eyes simply wouldn’t focus on the book. The words kept
blurring into meaningless shapes. The anxiety in the room was
palpable, and a part of him longed to wrap his arms around his
mother’s shoulders and reassure her everything was going to be
fine. But he couldn’t make that promise and he didn’t think she
wanted to hear it from him, anyway.

Brett and his fiancé flanked Sarah, Brett sending murderous

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107

glances his way every so often. Gage didn’t know exactly what his
problem was. It might have been that he was still stinging from
their earlier fight. Or maybe Brett had found a new reason to be
angry at him. Gage didn’t know and he wasn’t going to waste too
much energy thinking about it. Ben was the only one who couldn’t
hold still. He moved from seat to seat, growing bored and restless
every thirty minutes or so. He was the one who volunteered to
fetch drinks and food, and send regular updates to all the friends
and family waiting for news. He was probably holding it together
better than the actual adults in the room.

Gage was just glad nobody could read his mind. His thoughts

kept drifting to the Roxy Room, and the gig he wasn’t playing. He
hadn’t voiced a single complaint about losing that opportunity, but
it haunted him. He’d even dreamed about it the night before. He’d
been sitting alone on the stage playing the song he was trying to
write for Christopher, only he couldn’t remember the words. He
woke up with his heart racing, his disappointment becoming
tangible when he reached across the bed and felt nothing but empty
space.

There would be other shows in other venues. Maybe even

another at the Roxy. This was his biggest chance to date, but it
wouldn’t be the only opportunity in his life. He told himself that
again and again, feeling horrible for needing the reminder. How
could he even think about something so insignificant when his
father was having cancer cut out of his stomach? Yes, he was here,
but that wasn’t enough. He needed to let go of the resentment
building inside him with each passing minute. If Christopher were
there, he’d keep Gage focused. Or distracted. Either way, he
wouldn’t be dwelling on the fact that he should have been
rehearsing for the biggest show of his life.

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108

They hadn’t been told how long it would take. They could be

stuck there for hours, even if there weren’t any surprise
complications. Gage had pretty much resigned himself to spending
the day there, but he was going to reward himself later. There were
some good bands at Kilby Court that night, and then he would go
to the W Lounge for a late performance by an old friend of his and
as much alcohol as it took to get his mind off everything. Not that
drinking ever really worked out for him in the past, but Christopher
wasn’t there, and he couldn’t stand the thought of being cooped up
alone in his hotel room.

Gage was fiddling with his book when the lobby door swung

open, and he didn’t look up until he heard Sarah say, “Oh, I’m so
glad you could make it.”

His stomach turned into a cold, hard pit as soon as he saw the

three men. Stan Leavitt, Dave Marchant, and Blake Smith—the
bishop and his two counselors. Gage couldn’t remember a time he
didn’t know the three men, as they had all served in several
capacities in their ward. Dave had been his Sunday School teacher
for several years, and Stan had been present at every Kimball
family blessing, baptism, and mission farewell. He sank lower in
his seat and held his book up in front of his face, hoping they
would take the hint and leave him alone.

They didn’t.
“Brother Kimball,” Dave said, towering above him. “It’s so

good to see you here.”

Gage ignored him. If they were going to talk to him, they could

at least address him by name. He hadn’t answered to Brother
Kimball in a long time.

“Gage,” Sarah snapped. “Don’t be rude. Please, could you just

not do this today?”

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109

Gage deliberately set his book aside, summoned his most

friendly smile, and held his hand out. “It’s good to see you, Dave.”

He could tell by the look on the other man’s face that he didn’t

appreciate the familiar address, but Gage’s smile didn’t falter. He
shook Dave’s hand, and then turned to the bishop. “Stan, I’m glad
you could be here. I’m sure my mother appreciates your support.”

“Has there been any news on Joe’s condition.”
“No,” Sarah said. “We’ve been waiting for over two hours. I

didn’t think it would take this long.”

“We could say a prayer asking for Heavenly Father’s blessing,”

Stan suggested.

“Oh, thank you. Would you do the honor?”
As soon as Stan agreed, everybody immediately assumed the

position—arms crossed over their chests, heads bowed, eyes
closed. Gage didn’t move. He knew that the prayer would make
Sarah and Brett and Ben feel better, but he didn’t see any good
reason to participate himself. He stared straight ahead, not making
a sound as Stan began with Dear Father in heaven and continued
to ask for Joe’s health and safety. He also requested that God bless
the rest of the family with health and spiritual strength.

He barely paid any attention to the familiar prayer. There were

very few prescribed prayers in the LDS Church, yet somehow,
every single one managed to sound just like every other one. Did
they realize they were doing it? Gage remembered when he used to
lead the family prayers and the well-worn words just fell out of his
mouth in the proper order without any real thought from him. But
the sound of his name caught his full attention.

“And Father in Heaven, please help Gage find his way back to

the proper path of salvation. Please continue to bless him with your
love, even as he turns away from your teachings. Please bless his

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110

family with the spiritual strength to withstand this test, even as
they continue to love their son and hope for his return. We ask that
you protect his younger brothers from Satan’s negative influences
and keep them spiritually clean and worthy of thy blessings. And
finally, Lord, we ask that you help Gage in his struggle against
temptation and Lucifer. It is only with your love and guidance that
he will ever win this battle. And we say these things in the name of
the son, Jesus Christ, amen.”

By the time everybody echoed the bishop’s amen, hot rage

choked him like a hand around his throat. Some part of him was
capable of stepping back and viewing the situation somewhat
objectively. That part insisted Stan hadn’t meant any harm, and
besides, it was inappropriate and useless to make a fuss. It was
difficult to listen to that voice when the blood pounded in his
temples and the world was literally pulsing as his eyes throbbed.

“Did you really think that was appropriate?” Gage said

between gritted teeth. “Now? Here?”

“I can’t think of a more appropriate time or place,” Stan

answered calmly. “Now that you’re back, you need to know that
people care about you and your soul.”

“Care? You care about me?”
“Yes,” Stan said. “Your family loves you very much. The

whole ward has been doing their best to support your parents
through this difficult time.”

“Yes, it must be very difficult for them after they kicked me

out.”

“You didn’t give us a choice,” Sarah shot back. “Especially

with Ben being so young and Zak getting ready for his mission.
What else could we do?”

“What are you talking about? What did you think I was going

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to do?”

“How were we supposed to know? You’re working for Lucifer

now. And unless you repent…”

Gage blinked, bewilderment fusing with his anger. His head

had never hurt so much. “Working for Lucifer? Can you even hear
yourself? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?”

“Sodomy…”
“I was a virgin,” Gage said, cutting her off. “I was a virgin. I

kept the word of wisdom. I had a perfect GPA at the school you
wanted me to go to. I might not have been the perfect son, but I
tried.”

“You didn’t try hard enough,” Sarah said. “You refused to even

discuss treatment.”

“Because I’m not sick!”
“You are sick. Why can’t you see that? Heavenly Father put

you on earth to have a family, Gage. He has a plan for you, and it’s
not Christopher.”

“We were hoping that you would agree to counseling,” Blake

said softly, speaking for the first time. “There are several we could
recommend. In fact, I would be happy to set up the appointment.”

“Counseling? I’m not going to go to counseling. And it’s none

of your business, anyway. At all. Do you understand me?” Gage
looked around to the three men. “Do any of you understand me?
This has nothing to do with you.”

“They’re the only ones who can help you,” Sarah said. “And

you need help. If I ever doubted it before, I don’t now. With
counseling and treatment…”

“Or maybe we’ll need something more…serious.” Stan looked

very troubled and serious as he gave voice to his new suggestion.
“Something that will get through to you, Gage, so you can

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understand how grave this matter is.”

Gage’s hands curled into fists. It wasn’t that he particularly

cared what the bishop thought. He didn’t. But he took great
exception to the fact that they thought they could talk to him about
his private life. He also couldn’t help but be insulted by their tone.

“Oh, really?” Gage’s face felt stiff and the words were difficult

to form. “What exactly do you suggest?”

Stan took a deep breath and looked over to Sarah and then

Brett. Ben was sitting in the corner, slumped low in his seat like he
wanted to just melt through the floor. His misery was stamped
across his face, and Gage knew that Ben was blaming himself for
this entire ridiculous farce. Gage wished he could tell him it wasn’t
his fault.

“If you continue to insist on behaving like this, we might have

no choice but to excommunicate you.”

Gage stared at him for a beat and then laughed. “Really? Is that

all you’ve got?”

“Gage, this is very serious,” Sarah said.
Gage laughed again. “Excommunicate me. I don’t care.”
They could see he really meant it, and mingled shock, disgust,

fear, and concern was reflected on each of their faces.

“Gage, do you understand what it means to be

excommunicated?” Stan asked.

“Yeah, it means I won’t be a member of your ridiculous cult

anymore.”

As soon as he said it, he knew the whole thing was over. He

wasn’t going to ever reconcile with his parents. He would never
smooth things over with Brett. Even Ben looked shocked, his eyes
wide and horrified. They all stared at him like they couldn’t quite
believe he went that far. There was nothing left to do except stand

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up, which he did, but very slowly. Everything seemed to be in slow
motion. He couldn’t believe he was going to actually say more, but
in for a penny, in for a pound.

“I know that everybody in this room thinks I had an

inappropriate sexual relationship on my mission. I didn’t. I
behaved perfectly. I was sent home because I told the mission
president that I didn’t believe in God anymore, and I couldn’t stand
lying to people for another day.” Gage swallowed, surprised by
how even his voice was. Admitting he was gay had actually been
easier. Being gay was bad enough, but this was on a completely
different level. This was a fundamental rejection of everything his
parents had spent their lives honoring. It felt like a rejection of his
family, his culture, his life. “So you can excommunicate me. I
don’t care. I won’t be there for your tribunal, and I won’t be
returning to Salt Lake for any other reason. Just…remember that
when you announce it to the ward, you won’t be embarrassing
me.”

Nobody tried to stop him as he walked out. He wasn’t sure if

the hot rush of blood to his face was the result of disappointment
or relief.

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CHAPTER 10

The W Lounge was small, dark, and more than a little grimy. It

wasn’t any bigger than a comfortably-sized living room, and the
stage at the front was not so much a stage as it was a cleared space.
They boasted live music seven nights a week—mostly local bands
and DJs who split their time between the dozen decent venues in
Salt Lake. Gage had played there his fair share after turning
twenty-one, but he’d mostly spent his time nursing a Diet Coke
and listening. It was a shithole, but the music sounded good. And it
had a certain energy. Even in the middle of the week, when the
audience was sparse at best, there was something vibrant about it.

This time, Gage didn’t order a soft drink. He was becoming

more accustomed to beer, and in the stifling heat of the summer
night, nothing sounded better. Fans blew lazily overhead, and the

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door and all the windows were open, but it wasn’t enough to get
the air moving. Sweat gathered under his arms and made the back
of his neck prickle.

“That’ll be four dollars,” the bartender said as he slid the beer

across the bar.

Gage handed him a twenty and left the stack of change on the

bar. He planned to drink through it and another one before the end
of the night. His phone was heavy in his pocket, but it would
remain silent. He turned it off after he left the hospital, his head
and stomach aching. He thought about calling Christopher—in
fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Just hearing the other
man’s voice would probably do wonders to calm his nerves. But he
wouldn’t be able to talk to Christopher and sound normal. All of
the anger and sadness and frustration still swirled through him, so
close to the surface that Gage feared he wouldn’t be able to rein it
in. If he called Christopher, he would just worry him. Which
wouldn’t do either of them any good at that point.

Plus, he didn’t want to talk about his family. He didn’t want to

answer questions about the fight, or how his father was doing, or
any other reasonable question Christopher was sure to have. He
just wanted the knot in his stomach to untie itself. He wanted to
play, but he didn’t have his guitar or a stage. He thought about the
Roxy and the knot in his stomach only tightened. What had he
given up to for this mad errand? For this pointless mission? He just
wanted the world to make sense again for a little while. It always
did when he was playing.

“Hey. Got any live music tonight?” Gage asked.
The bartender cast a surly eye at him. “Yeah.”
“Great. Who?”
“Austin Packard.”

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Gage swallowed, certain that he couldn’t be hearing that right.

“Who?”

“You haven’t forgotten me already, have you?” a familiar voice

said from behind his shoulder.

He already knew what he’d see when he turned around, and

except for a few details, Austin looked exactly the same. Dark,
intense eyes set in a narrow face. The black hair flopping over his
forehead, though the rest of it was sheared close rather than long
and shaggy like it had been in school. He was shorter than Gage by
an inch or two, a disparity that had always seemed greater because
Austin was so skinny, but time had filled him out a little bit, his
arms and legs less gangly and more whipcord toned.

The expectant smile was still the same, though.
“Since when do I have the power to make Gage Kimball

speechless?” Austin said when he didn’t respond right away.
“Unless you’re the Bad Gage, and we need to find the Good Gage
and get you both into the transporter before you die.”

That startled a laugh out of Gage, even though laughing was

the last thing he felt like doing. “I didn’t expect to run into you
tonight. Sit down. Let me buy you a beer.”

Austin slid onto the seat beside him, noting Gage’s drink with a

lifted brow. “You’re drinking? Since when?” He grinned. “Though
you’re giving my Bad Gage theory a run for its money, that’s for
sure.”

“Austin, you have no idea. I think Good Gage has gone on a

permanent vacation.”

His smile split even wider. “Then am I ever glad I’m around to

see this.” He nodded at the bartender, who handed him his own
beer. Austin lifted it in a toast. “To old friends.”

“To old friends,” Gage echoed, touching his bottle to Austin’s.

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“Maybe we could jam a little after your show for old time’s sake.”

“Absolutely.” Austin said it with such vehement excitement,

Gage knew it was genuine. “You’re the whole reason I’m even
here tonight. I never would have had the nerve to try something
like this if it wasn’t for you.”

Gage frowned with disbelief. “Really? But you’ve always been

so good. And I know other people used to tell you so.”

Austin shrugged. “It just seemed kind of pointless to try when

you were still in town. Why would anyone listen to me when they
could have you?”

Gage barked laughter again. “So when you say I’m the whole

reason you’re here tonight, what you really mean is that you’re
happy I left town.”

“Only because I finally get a shot.” He took a deep swig of his

beer, his eyes never leaving Gage’s face. “Whatever you’re doing,
it looks good on you. I like the beard.”

“Thanks,” Gage said, rubbing his chin. “It’s about time

somebody noticed.”

He paused to order another beer, already feeling a bit buzzed.

This was better than the night he got drunk at the Red Fin on
tequila. Austin took another swallow of his beer and shot him a
small, almost shy smile. They’d known each other since high
school, sharing a mutual circle of friends after they’d graduated.
They’d never been particularly close, but he’d always respected
Austin’s determination. He wasn’t a naturally gifted musician, but
that didn’t stop him from practicing until his fingers were
shredded. Gage cast his mind back, gathering up the details he
could still remember about Austin’s life.

“You still working at your dad’s restaurant?”
“Only when I have to. Which unfortunately is most of the time.

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What about you? How’re you paying your bills these days?”

“I’ve got some regular gigs in LA now. There’s a place I play

three or four times a week, and I’ve been picking up other shows.
In fact, I was supposed to play the Roxy Room tonight. Instead,
I’m here, of all places.”

Austin’s eyes turned into saucers. “The Roxy Room? Are you

shitting me? I mean, I always knew you were going to make it big,
but…the Roxy Room? Seriously?”

At Austin’s reaction, Gage realized he’d given the wrong idea.

He knew he should clarify that he had just been opening for
somebody. And early enough that half the club would be empty
and the other half would be too sober to care about the music. But
Austin’s smile was dazzling and the attention felt pretty nice.

“Yeah. But I haven’t really had my big break yet or anything. I

still got to pay my dues.”

“Well, yeah, of course,” Austin hastened to say, though his

awed glances spoke volumes about his opinion on that. “So why
are you here and not there?”

“My dad’s sick. He had surgery today, and I thought it was best

to be here. But he’s fine now.” Or Gage assumed as much. He
drummed his fingertips against the cool bottle, the condensation
wetting his skin. “I just wish I had my guitar with me. I have all
this pent-up…” Gage faltered, unsure of how to describe it.
“Energy.”

Austin watched his fingers for a moment before glancing up at

the stage. “Do you want to take my spot tonight? I don’t mind.
Maybe it’ll get your mind off everything. You can even use my
guitar if you want.”

“No,” Gage said quickly, touched that Austin would even offer.

“No, of course not. It’s your gig, and besides, I want to hear you

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play. But…maybe you could close the set with a duet?”

“You sing and I play?” A new light came into Austin’s eyes, a

warm glow that felt eerily familiar. “Absolutely. That would make
my night.”

Gage nodded, satisfied. It wouldn’t be as good playing a whole

show, but it would get him out of his own head for a few minutes.
He wanted—needed—that more than anything. Between the beer,
the music, and company who wasn’t going to condemn him, he
might make it through the night after all.

“You want to choose the song?”
“Why don’t you surprise me?” Austin pushed his empty bottle

toward the bartender as he rose from the stool. The grin he flashed
at Gage was almost playful. “It’ll be kind of exciting to see what
Bad Gage wants to pull out of his musical bag of tricks.”

“Oh? And you think you can keep up with…” Gage almost

smirked. “Bad Gage?”

Austin was suddenly closer, leaning in and pitching his voice

lower, like they were co-conspirators and everybody else was the
enemy. “I don’t know,” he said. “But damned if it’s not going to be
a blast to find out.”

Then, he was gone, half-jogging as he headed for the stage.
Gage finished his second beer while he watched Austin tuning

his guitar and plucked the second twenty from his wallet. Austin
had always been a bit too gangly for his own good, but he didn’t
look at all awkward once he got on stage. His long fingers moved
across the fret board effortlessly, and his voice was surprisingly
deep, with a sweet, almost innocent edge to it. His gaze kept
drifting toward Gage, and every time their eyes met, Austin smiled
warmly. Like he was really happy Gage was there to hear him.

The set was fairly short, and before too long, Austin was

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calling him over to the mic stand. He didn’t know what he wanted
to sing until the moment he stood at the mic, Austin’s expectant
eyes on him. He sang the first words of Hallelujah, and Austin
almost immediately joined in with a soft accompaniment. It wasn’t
the best choice to end a show in a club like the W, but there were
only five other people there, and Gage wanted to sing damnit.

When he was done, Austin regarded him with wide, awed eyes.

Gage smiled a little bashfully. “Was that okay?”

“Yeah.” Austin sounded breathless. No wonder his set was

short. He was probably still building up his stamina for longer
ones. “God, Gage, I swear, nobody sounds you. Nobody.”

Gage’s cheeks flushed and the heat in the club became even

more oppressive. “Thanks. You want to get out of here?”

Austin seemed flustered by the question for a split second

before shaking it off. “As soon as I pack up. Do you still want to
jam? We could head back to my place.”

“Yeah. Your place sounds great.” Gage didn’t even care where

Austin lived. At least it wasn’t the hotel, with its far too big, too
empty bed. He and Austin could play and then maybe he could
crash on Austin’s couch. He was certain he wouldn’t be able to
sleep in that big bed by himself.

It didn’t take Austin long to get everything packed into his

truck. Gage pulled the rental keys out of his pocket, but the ground
tilted dangerously beneath him. His hand shot out to steady
himself, slamming flat against the car window. Austin was right
there, at his elbow, and though he didn’t offer Gage help, when he
offered to give Gage a ride, Gage accepted. He had no desire to
prolong his stay in Utah by getting into a crash. Austin only lived a
few miles away, and he passed the short ride by chattering about
his guitars.

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It was too dark to see much when Austin pulled into the

apartment complex parking lot. He was out of the car as soon as
the engine cut off, jogging around the front to get to Gage’s door
and open it before Gage could.

“The inside handle doesn’t work all the time,” he explained at

Gage’s questioning look. “And you’re a little drunk, but I didn’t
want you to think you were that drunk.”

Gage smiled. “Thanks. Do you need help carrying anything

in?”

“No, no, I’ll come back for it all.” He stepped out of the way,

his gaze intent on Gage as he climbed out. “I’ll take you up, and
you can pick out what you want to play while I bring the stuff in.”

Gage made it inside the building without help, but the floor

began to move again once they stepped in the elevator. Austin
punched the button for the fifth floor and held Gage’s elbow with a
steadying hand. His fingers were hot, and a little bit clammy, but
not completely unpleasant. It didn’t occur to Gage to pull away
from his grip even after the doors slid open. Austin didn’t break
the contact until they reached his apartment door and he pulled his
key ring from his pocket.

“Wow, this is a nice place. I guess you’re doing pretty okay for

yourself.”

The large living room was a music haven. Posters dotted the

wall, and three guitars stood on stands in the corner next to a black
leather couch. A stereo system and CDs consumed a wooden
shelving unit, while stacks of sheet music nearly hid the bench in
front of an electric keyboard.

“Here.” Austin guided him to the couch closest to the guitars.

“Play whatever you want. I’ll be right back.”

Gage stared at the selection reverently, barely noticing the door

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clicking shut behind him. He moved his hand from left to right, his
fingers hovering over the beautiful choices before he finally settled
on a Gibson acoustic. It had a smaller, lighter body, made of darkly
burnished wood. Gage had never owned a Blues King, but he’d
coveted one for years. Just feeling its weight in his palms sent a
thrill through him.

He settled on the couch and rested the guitar on his knee,

lightly strumming his thumb over the taut strings. It was perfectly
in tune, and Gage smiled with appreciation. Of course Austin
would keep such a beautiful instrument tuned. He probably played
it every day.

“She’s my favorite.” He hadn’t even heard Austin come back

in, but when he looked up, there was half the gear piled by the
door. Austin ventured closer a few more steps, his eyes on the
guitar in Gage’s lap. “She was tight when I first got her, but she
softened up soon enough.”

“The best ones always do,” Gage murmured. “God, this feels

better than I thought it would.”

“Play her.” Austin sat on the edge of the coffee table and

leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “You said you
had all this pent-up energy. Take it out on her. Trust me. She can
handle it.”

Gage glanced up to meet Austin’s bright eyes. His smile was

encouraging, but also a little excited. Something inside of Gage
responded to that smile, and heat crept up the back of his neck and
onto his cheeks. He looked down, forcing himself to concentrate
on the guitar. His fingers moved of their own accord, creating a
new song. One that didn’t have lyrics or even a real shape. Gage
didn’t even know the ending. He just played, letting the chords
build on each other, one by one. Each time he dared to look up,

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Austin watched him with the same intensity.

When the last note died away, the room was silent. Only the

echoes of his unnamed song hung in the air.

“God…” Austin’s breathless voice startled Gage into finally

looking away from the guitar. He seemed closer now, though that
might have been an effect of the way he stared at Gage in awe.
“Do you know how many times I wished I could be half as good as
you? When you play, it’s like magic. You don’t even look like
you’re trying.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile that
seemed almost sad. “I would’ve hated you if I didn’t like you so
much.”

“It just takes some practice,” Gage said, his mouth strangely

dry. “But I’m glad you don’t hate me.”

“Never.” He reached forward and ran his thumb along the E

string, his knuckles brushing against Gage’s hand each time he
came down the neck. “I was always grateful you let me hang
around. Some people wouldn’t, you know.”

“Only people who weren’t worth your time anyway,” Gage

said. Austin had always been a bit of a strange kid, but no stranger
than anybody else in Gage’s opinion. “I’m glad I ran into you
tonight. It was a pretty shitty day until then.”

“If my dad was having surgery, I’d think it was a pretty shitty

day, too.” His hand fell away, though he remained close. “Did I
really help? Because it feels like I haven’t really done much at all.
Not as much as you probably need.”

“You helped. Just seeing a friendly face probably helped more

than you could know.” Gage strummed the strings again. “Plus, not
many people would be so generous with such a beautiful guitar.”

“You’re the only person I know who would treat her the way

she deserves. You’re—” He stopped and suddenly stood, almost

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tripping over the coffee table as he backed away, edging toward
the door. “You know what? I better go get the rest of my stuff
before somebody decides to steal it. You can never be too careful
in this neighborhood.”

Gage stood and carefully set down the guitar. The

neighborhood was one of the better areas in Salt Lake, and Austin
looked like he couldn’t wait to escape. “Are you okay? I mean, I
didn’t…upset you or anything, did I?”

“No, no, of course not. You could never do that.”
“You sure? Because I seem to have a special talent for

upsetting people lately.”

Austin hesitated. The frown on his face was genuine confusion.

“What could you possibly do to upset anybody?”

Gage snorted. “Oh, you know, little things like announce I’m

gay and that I think the church is a cult.”

“You’re what? Really?” He would have sworn Austin sounded

excited about the new information, definitely not the usual reaction
he’d been getting from everyone this week. “You’re not just saying
that?”

“No, I really am.” Gage frowned. “Why?”
Some of the tension that had been winding visibly in Austin’s

body disappeared with his sudden laughter. Shaking his head, he
ventured back to the couch, this time opting to sit next to him. “I
can’t believe you never figured it out. Everybody else seemed to. I
got enough hell for it. But maybe that’s what always made you
special. You didn’t care about any of that crap. You judged a
person because of who they were, not who they wanted to date.”

Gage joined him on the couch. “I never realized. Not that I

would have judged you. But I…I guess I’m not very observant.”

“I guess not.” He lifted his eyes to Gage’s, bright and intense

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again. “I’ve crushed on you almost as long as I’ve known you. But
you never saw that, either, did you?”

“No.” Suddenly all the loneliness he lived with for so many

years hit him. It was like a hard fist to the stomach. Knowing that
he didn’t have to be alone for so long only sharpened the blow. “I
wish I had, though.”

The weight of Austin’s hand on his knee was almost

nonexistent, but it remained there even when Gage looked down at
it, his long, slender fingers curved over the joint. “I’m glad you
came to the W tonight,” Austin said. “And I’m glad I could help
you forget about your shitty day. Even if it was only for a little
while.”

Gage looked at the hand on his knee for what felt like an

eternity. “Maybe I should go. It’s been…” He swallowed, knowing
he was right, but unable to push Austin away. “A long day.”

“So you can go wherever it was you didn’t want to be? You

don’t have to do that. You can stay here.” Austin squeezed once.
“Come on, Gage. Where else are you gonna go?”

The question undid him. Where could he go? Not home. That

was over seven hundred miles away. Not back to the hotel. There
would be nothing there but the reminder of Christopher’s absence.
He was so tired. Exhausted to his core. It was surprisingly easy to
say, “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

Austin smiled, a warm welcome that felt better knowing Austin

actually understood. “Wait here. I’ll go get you a blanket and a
pillow.”

He stood abruptly and rushed down the darkened hallway.

Gage slumped against the cushions, leaning his head back and
closing his eyes. He heard a door open and close, then footsteps
whisper back into the room.

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“You didn’t fall asleep on me already, did you?”
Gage opened his eyes, but didn’t lift his head. Austin stood

close enough to let his leg touch Gage’s knee. “’Course not. I’m
wide awake.”

Austin tossed the bedding aside, then knelt on the cushion next

to Gage. “Did you want to play some more? Or we could watch a
movie. Whatever you want.”

“A movie sounds good. Something mindless and funny.”
He was up again, moving from shelf to entertainment center to

the coffee table for the remote and back to the TV. Gage didn’t
remember Austin being this hyper before, but maybe it was a side
effect of the show. He was always amped after a gig.

When Austin came back, chattering about the movie he’d

picked, he sat even closer. The heat of his thigh bled into Gage’s,
but he didn’t try to edge away, didn’t make any excuses for the
contact. He just smiled and hit play on the remote, his hand resting
half on his leg, half on Gage’s.

Austin had put in a movie called The Great Buck Howard.

Gage had been a little skeptical at first, but within five minutes he
realized what a great choice it’d been. It was a movie that required
very little of him, and allowed his mind to drift to other things.
Like how hot Austin’s hand felt on his thigh. He found himself
relaxing into the slight contact, soothed by the steady warmth.

At some point, Austin started massaging, small circles at first,

then when Gage didn’t protest, longer sweeps. More than once, his
knuckles brushed against Gage’s balls, but it was always fleeting,
never anything that couldn’t be explained away as accidental.

“Gage…” His hot breath tickled too close to Gage’s ear. “I’m

glad you’re staying.”

His groin felt tight, his cock twitching every time Austin’s

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hand brushed across his crotch. He closed his eyes, but he couldn’t
ignore it, or the way Austin’s mouth skimmed over his ear. His
throat clenched and his head felt fuzz, like it was full of cotton.

“Austin…” We shouldn’t and we can’t both danced on the tip

of his tongue. But he turned his head, and instead of actually
saying any of those things, he let Austin catch his mouth in a light,
tentative kiss.

It was almost chaste, no tongue, barely parted lips. Austin

wasn’t breathing anymore, at least not that Gage could feel or hear,
and his hand had stopped, settling over the growing bulge of
Gage’s erection. He squeezed once, and Gage shivered at the
contact, breaking whatever spell had been holding Austin back.

“Let me,” Austin whispered against his mouth. His fingers slid

upward, found the button on the fly, and popped it open.

Gage’s breath caught and the battle waging inside of him only

intensified. He needed to push Austin away, but his callused,
curious fingers felt so good when the pads slid over his slick
crown. His chest hitched when Austin did it again, and by the time
those fingers closed around his shaft, he ached for more. Without
thinking, he cupped the back of Austin’s head and smashed their
mouths together, pushing his tongue past Austin’s dry lips.

Austin whimpered. The kiss was a little clumsy, but he opened

to Gage eagerly, and his hand tightened on Gage’s cock. He
stroked up, over the head, rubbing the pre-come into his palm
before going down again, shoving the jeans out of his way to better
reach Gage’s balls. The friction seared a path straight into Gage’s
veins, fire stoked even higher by the blissful sounds Austin kept
making.

Gage managed to unzip Austin’s pants, his hand seeking out

Austin’s cock. His shaft was hot and throbbing, and Gage

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wondered if anybody had ever touched Austin like that. He
moaned, jerking his hips as Gage flexed his fingers, and his arm
went around Austin’s back to pull him closer. In the back of his
mind, he still heard a voice telling him he should stop, that this
wasn’t a good idea. But it was difficult to pay attention to anything
beyond the roar in his head and the sharp, burning threads of
pleasure wrapping around him.

Austin gasped. The next moment, his body stiffened, the hand

curled around Gage’s cock locked beneath the head. Gage didn’t
stop, and the thick vein running the length of Austin’s shaft pulsed
in time with the blasts of warm come spilling over his fingers.
Austin only paused for a moment, though, attacking Gage’s mouth
with fresh hunger before he was done, his pulls at Gage’s lengths
harder and more deliberate.

Gage thrust his hips in time with Austin’s fist, too far gone to

care about anything except coming. His desire was like a thick fog,
temporarily obscuring everything else. He didn’t think about his
parents or his brothers. He didn’t think about the Roxy Room or
music. He didn’t think about Christopher. He just pumped his cock
against Austin’s palm, losing himself in Austin’s eager, if
inexperienced, kisses. He wasn’t sure just how much time passed
before his balls tightened and he moaned into Austin’s mouth, his
entire body shuddering with his release.

Their kisses slowed, as did Austin’s hand. When Austin finally

broke away, his cheeks were bright red and his eyes glowed. He
didn’t speak. His gaze dropped to his sticky hand, then darted to
the Kleenex on the coffee table. Reaching for the box, he carefully
cleaned off his fingers before wiping away the rest from Gage’s
cock.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said, his focus fixed on his task.

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“Thank you seems silly, but…God, Gage, you don’t know how
long I’ve waited to touch you like that.”

Gage blinked, the fog clearing from his head. As soon as it did,

he didn’t see Austin in front of him. He saw Christopher, and
shame burned like bile down the back of his throat.“I…oh fuck.”

His hands froze. Austin slanted a wide-eyed stare up at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Austin I am…I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have let this happen.”

He pushed the other man away as gently as he could and jumped to
his feet, struggling to zip his pants. “I mean, I like you, and a part
of me kind of wishes that it had happened before, but it shouldn’t
have happened now.”

“Because of what’s going on with your family?” Austin looked

confused. “I didn’t mean to make things worse. I just hoped I could
make you forget your crappy day.”

The fact that Austin was completely sincere—and surprisingly

sweet—only made Gage feel worse. “I know and it’s not…you
didn’t do anything wrong. But I have a boyfriend and he…he’s in
Seattle right now. On business.”

“On business?” Austin repeated. He seemed more perplexed by

that, than the fact Gage was seeing someone else. “But why would
he leave you alone on a day like today?”

“He didn’t want to,” Gage said miserably. “He would have

stayed if I asked him to. I kept insisting I’d be fine, and clearly I
wasn’t, but that isn’t his fault.” It was Gage’s, all of it.

Hurriedly tucking himself away, Austin turned off the TV. “It’s

okay. I get it. I won’t say I’m not disappointed, but I know how
these things work.”

“Thanks. I’m…I’m just gonna go.” Gage said, inching toward

the door. He wasn’t in a big hurry to be by himself again, but he

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honestly didn’t trust himself to stay. Despite the guilt swirling
through him, he still longed for the simple comfort of human
contact. “If you’re ever in LA, give me a call.”

“You can’t just walk out. We left your car at the W.”
“No, it’s only a few miles away. And a walk might do me some

good.” His mind was already racing, trying to figure out what he
was going to say to Christopher. Not mentioning it at all didn’t
even occur to him as an option.

Austin opened his mouth to protest again, but Gage ducked out

of the door before he could. The sick feeling he had when he left
the hospital that day returned, only this time it was worse. Gage
had a feeling it wouldn’t be going away any time soon.

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CHAPTER 11

The plane jolted as it hit the runway, and Christopher tightened

the death grip he already had on his phone. As soon as the flight
attendant announced it was all right to make calls, he punched in
Gage’s number.

His shoulders sank when it clicked over to voice mail. Again.

Closing his eyes, he rubbed at his forehead as he listened to the
message, trying to quell his disappointment so he didn’t sound as
worried as he felt when he spoke.

“Hey, I hope you haven’t lost your phone. I keep getting your

voice mail. Anyway, I decided to leave Seattle early, so I’m back
in Salt Lake. I guess I’ll see you when I get to the hotel.” He
hesitated, then added, “I missed you. You have no idea how
much.”

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He disconnected and slid the phone into his pocket. Not for the

first time, he wished he had the numbers of any one of Gage’s
brothers. Even his parents at this point. Anyone who might tell him
what had happened while he’d been gone.

The airport was surprisingly busy for a late Saturday night.

Christopher waited impatiently for his bag, then practically ran for
a taxi. Gage still had the rental, and though he much would have
preferred getting picked up, he wasn’t willing to wait around in
hopes Gage might actually listen to his messages. His nerves were
too much of a jumble.

Traffic was nonexistent, and he made it to the hotel in record

time. Ignoring the front desk, he went straight for the elevators to
head for his floor. He remembered too late he didn’t have a key.
He had to resort to knocking.

Gage yanked the door open and blinked. “You came back.”
The disbelief in the blunt statement caught him unawares.

“There wasn’t any reason to stay longer.” The door was open
enough for him to enter, though it wasn’t until he crossed the
threshold that Gage stepped out of his way. “I tried calling to let
you know, but your phone kept going to voice mail, and there was
never any answer here in the hotel.”

“I turned off my phone and…” Gage gestured at the phone on

the desk, the receiver knocked off the cradle. His shoulders
slumped and his voice dropped when he added, “I didn’t feel like
talking to anybody.”

Under normal circumstances, he would have gone and replaced

the phone. These weren’t. He stepped forward, ready to take Gage
into his arms, when Gage abruptly shifted beyond his reach.
Christopher froze. “What happened?”

“I…I had a really bad day yesterday. I got in a big fight with

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my family. Bigger than…well, I said some things that I meant, but
that I should not have said. My relationship with my parents is
over and I’m not sure if Ben…well, I don’t know. But I was really
upset so I went out to hear some music and get a few drinks.” Gage
stopped and licked his lips. “I ran into an old friend and…I went
back to his apartment with him to jam a bit…and…”

He didn’t like the way Gage wouldn’t look at him. He liked

even less where it sounded like this was going. Gage seemed so
broken, though, he fought letting any of that show.

“And…?”
“And I…we…fooled around a little bit. I didn’t stay long. I left

after…it was just…but there’s no excuse for what I did.”

Fooled around a little bit. Completely innocuous words. He’d

heard them plenty of times over the years, mostly from Rev. They
shouldn’t have had any power.

Except they did.
They hurt. They said he hadn’t been there for Gage, that Gage

was a young guy with needs that maybe he couldn’t fill, that he
was an idiot not to make sure they’d talked about exclusivity
before the possibility one of them wouldn’t be came up. They
stung like thousands of needles piercing his skin all at the same
time, because the thought of Gage with someone else hollowed
him out, more than when he’d been with Bodie because now he
knew for fact what a magnificent guy Gage was.

From the look of it, however, Gage was hurting just as much as

Christopher was. He could deal with his own pain a lot better than
he could Gage’s.

“You were drinking? I knew I should’ve stayed in Salt Lake.”
“I had a few beers. But that’s not really…I mean, I was still

aware of what I was doing. I still knew that I shouldn’t have…”

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Gage took a deep breath. “I still knew it was wrong. And I did it
anyway.”

That was worse than fooling around. A lot worse. Worse

enough for Christopher’s lungs to tighten and his blood run cold.

“An old friend, you said.” He was grasping at straws, but

straws were all he had right now. “Was it someone you used to
have feelings for?”

“No. He was just this guy I used to hang out with. He had

feelings for me, though, apparently. I didn’t know.” Gage looked
up, and there was no mistaking the misery in his eyes. Or the
dampness. “I am so sorry. If I could take it back, I would. I don’t
know what was going on in my head…everything was so…but it
doesn’t matter. I know you would never do anything like that, no
matter what happened to you.”

Christopher shook his head. “You made a mistake. It happens.

Now we move on from it, and forget Salt Lake City even exists on
the map.”

“I don’t think I can. How do I know it won’t happen again?

How could you even trust me?”

“It’s not like we said we were exclusive, Gage. If you don’t

want it to happen again, that’s what we do. We make it serious.”
He reached to try and touch Gage’s shoulder, only to stop when
Gage flinched out of his way. “Unless you don’t want to.” He
hadn’t given the possibility serious thought, but now it filled him
with dread.

“I don’t deserve it.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Of course I want it to be serious. This isn’t about me wanting

somebody else. I was dying without you there last night.” Gage
moved over to the window, pulling the curtain back to peer out

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over the city. “You dropped everything to go to Salt Lake with me
with no notice. You were ready to stay home from Seattle. You
were willing to put up with my family. And when Austin shoved
his hand down my pants, what did I do?”

It still wasn’t good that Gage wouldn’t let Christopher near

him, but hearing confirmation that his feelings weren’t stemming
from some sense of being trapped in their relationship helped
mitigate some of his fears. “You reacted like a drunk, lonely,
twenty-two-year-old guy, that’s what you did. Does it hurt? Yeah,
I’ll admit it. It does. But I’m not willing to throw away everything
we could have—everything we do have—because you made a poor
choice on one of the worst nights of your life. What kind of person
would that make me?”

“What kind of person does it make me that I hurt the person

I…that I hurt you, Christopher? That I could do that to the
only…the only person who…”

Enough was enough. Christopher marched to the window and

caught Gage’s shoulder before he could walk away again, turning
Gage away from the glass to face him. His heart thumped wildly,
hints of everything Gage hadn’t said taunting him, though he
didn’t have the nerve to demand that he finish those sentences.
“And I’ve never hurt you, is that what you’re saying?” He
tightened his grip when Gage tried to pull away. “I walked away
that night we met and made you question everything about
yourself. I wasn’t upfront with you, until I didn’t have much of a
choice in the matter. It was a dick move, and it cost both of us,
because I was too self-righteous to see what it actually did to you.”
He caught the side of Gage’s face, forcing him to look up and meet
Christopher’s eyes. “But I made a choice. A choice to do
everything in my power to make sure I didn’t hurt you again.

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Because you were worth it. Because you’re the kind of guy I never
thought I’d be lucky enough to find. That’s all you have to do.
Make a choice.” He swallowed against the tightness in his throat.
“You’re the only one who can decide whether or not I’m worth it.
Whether or not we’re worth it.”

“Could you really forgive me?” Gage asked, as though he

didn’t believe such a thing was possible.

“Given the choice between you being in my life or out of it?

Absolutely.”

Gage sighed and let his head drop forward, touching his brow

to Christopher’s shoulder. “I thought…I just felt like I failed
everybody. You, most of all. I mean, I have this idea of the kind of
person I am. And I wasn’t that person yesterday.”

He wasn’t nearly strong enough to resist pulling Gage closer.

Relief like he’d never felt before overwhelmed him, and he turned
his head to nuzzle against Gage’s hair. “You would have failed us
if you hadn’t told me what happened.” He deliberately chose the
word us. He needed Gage to understand they were more powerful
together than torn apart. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you
needed me the most.”

“You wanted to be. You would have been if I hadn’t sent you

away.”

“You didn’t want to believe it would get worse.” They stood

there for a moment, silent, motionless. He just wanted to breathe
Gage in and forget how close he’d come to losing him. “Do you
want to talk about what happened?”

“The bishopric showed up. First, they asked God to lead me

back to the fold, then we argued about the situation because I
thought they were being dicks and they disagreed. Then, they
threatened to excommunicate me, so I told them to go ahead, I

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didn’t want to be part of their cult.” Gage snorted. “Mormons are a
bit sensitive about the whole cult thing. Then, I admitted that I was
sent home from my mission because I didn’t believe in God.
Mormons are sensitive about that, too.”

Though he bit back his laughter, Christopher still smiled. He

would have loved to see Gage stand up to those narrow-minded
assholes. He had so much more strength than he ever gave himself
credit for.

Then, the last part of Gage’s explanation sank in. They had

never discussed the reasons behind Gage’s return from his mission.
The most he’d ever said was that he’d started to rebel, and that it
hadn’t been sexual. Losing his faith almost sounded worse, and he
supposed, in the eyes of his family and friends, it had been.

His arms tightened. “I think I would’ve gone out and gotten

drunk a long time ago if I’d been in your shoes.”

“It didn’t really help. Austin…was just happy to see me. He let

me sing during his gig and he let play his really expensive guitar
and…it just helped me get out of my own head for awhile. But I
never…Christopher, I never thought anything was going to
happen.”

“So you weren’t the one who started it?” Asking was risking

being hurt even more, but Christopher had to know.

“No, we were watching a movie and talking and he mentioned

he’d always had a crush on me. He was sort of rubbing my thigh
and then he kissed me and…then we jerked each other off and I
came back to my senses.”

In the overabundance of images that had flashed through his

head, the possibility it had just been a drunken hand job had barely
registered. There was no doubt Christopher could forgive that,
though he suspected Gage’s forgiveness of himself would be a lot

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longer coming.

“Well, I can’t fault him for having good taste,” he teased softly.

“But it’s done now. In the past. What matters is what we do next.”

Gage looped his arm around Christopher and moved closer,

pressing to him from chest to thigh. “I don’t know what comes
next.”

He closed his eyes, savoring how good it felt to have Gage in

his embrace. “First thing we do…I ask if we can be exclusive.
Because this stopped being casual for me weeks ago.”

Gage moved his head in a slight nod. “If I didn’t think of us as

exclusive, I probably wouldn’t feel so terrible right now.”

“Okay, then. Next thing, we call it a night. We go curl up in

bed, and you forget everything that’s happened here the past few
days. Because all those people who refuse to see what an amazing
guy you are don’t deserve to have you in their lives.” He pressed
his lips to Gage’s temple, the nearest patch of skin he could reach.
“Just remember that I see you. And I know exactly how lucky I am
that you’re here.”

“Curling up in bed is good. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired

in my life.” Gage turned his head and brushed warm lips against
Christopher’s neck. The kiss was light, but enough to make
Christopher shiver. “Thank you.”

“For what?”
“Everything. Being you. Forgiving me.”
He didn’t tell Gage how easy it was to forgive. He didn’t want

Gage to feel worse being reminded of it. He simply caught his
hand and led him away from the window, navigating first to the
desk lamp to switch it off, then through the darkness to the
bedroom. At the foot of the bed, he stopped and turned.

“Stand still,” he murmured.

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Gage obeyed, though Christopher felt a tremor in his muscles

as he pulled Gage’s T-shirt over his head. His shoulders were
tense, enough to worry Christopher even more, but he refrained
from speaking until he’d managed to get Gage’s jeans off, too.

“You’ve been wrapped up in this all day, haven’t you?”

Stepping behind Gage, he rubbed at the tightest knot at the top of
Gage’s spine. “Jesus, you’re hard as a rock here.”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t

eat. And that…” Gage sighed, his shoulders dropping as some of
the tension began to melt away. “God, that feels really good.”

“Lay down. I’ll do this right.”
He followed Gage to the bed, watching the moonlight trickling

through the windows play with the sinuous shifts of Gage’s back
as he stretched out on his stomach. Christopher stripped out of his
own clothes in record time. When the massage was done, he
wanted to just be able to roll over, pull Gage into his arms, and go
to sleep.

Straddling Gage’s hips, he started at the shoulders, slowly

kneading the tight flesh until it relaxed and slumped against the
mattress, devoid of the knots that had been holding it captive. He
took his time moving lower, first to the individual vertebrae of
Gage’s spine, then to the longer, stronger muscles cording his
upper back. There was little he liked more than watching Gage
melt under a full body massage. The knowledge that he could be
the one to strip away Gage’s pain and stress was as heady as
getting a massage himself.

By the time Christopher reached his lower back, the only sign

that Gage was still awake was his muffled moans. He couldn’t take
his hands or his eyes from the body beneath him. He already knew
it so well, maybe better than he knew his own, but it still held so

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much fascination. There were still secrets to discover, mysteries to
unlock, when it came to Gage, and Christopher couldn’t stand the
thought of never having the chance to fully know him.

He smoothed his palms up Gage’s back and then slid back

down, enjoying the way his skin felt gliding against Gage’s. He
didn’t think it was possible, but Gage became even more boneless.
Soft moans rumbled through his chest, and Christopher’s lips
quirked at the thought of reducing a grown man to what sounded
like purring. His fingers skimmed over Gage’s ribs and then down
his shoulders.

They didn’t stop until they reached Gage’s. Lacing their hands

together, Christopher bent down and skimmed his mouth over the
back of Gage’s neck. “I’m glad I came back early. You have no
idea how much I missed you.”

“Tell me the trip was at least worth it.”
“I found a few nice pieces,” he conceded. “And the visit was

nice.” He nibbled at the sinew stretching from neck to shoulder.
“But getting to see the look on your face when you see what I got
you will be the best part.”

“So you were buying me a present while I…” Gage stopped

himself, and a measure of his earlier tension returned. Christopher
immediately kissed a path over his shoulders, and after a moment,
Gage began to relax again. “I’m glad it wasn’t a wasted trip.”

Gently, Christopher climbed off, stretching out beside Gage

and pulling him back into his arms. “If you don’t want it, I can
always sell it in the store. I don’t want it to be a problem for us, not
if it makes you feel bad.”

“Well…let’s not be hasty. But I’m going to give you something

in return.”

He smiled. “You already do.”

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“Then I’m going to give you something else. I just don’t know

what yet. But it’ll be good.”

“Okay.” Though he wasn’t sure anything could top the man

himself.

They lay there for several minutes, neither man moving.

Christopher couldn’t get his brain to turn off, even with the
comforting weight of Gage against his chest. Though Gage’s
hypnotic breathing helped, he wasn’t able to relax enough to quiet
the questions.

“Can I ask you something?” he murmured, keeping his voice

low in case Gage had fallen asleep.

Gage’s answer came back immediately. “Yes.”
“Where were Bowden and Chad when the stuff with the bishop

happened?”

“At work, I guess. They weren’t at the hospital.”
“Did they know what was going on?”
“Do you mean did they know that Mom invited Stan? Probably

not. I doubt she discussed it with them.” Gage paused. “Well, I
don’t even know if she specifically invited them. They might have
driven up to the hospital on their own accord.”

He knew he didn’t have any place to be angry, but he was.

Bowden had made a big show about supporting Gage, no matter
what. They were supposed to be there for him, when Christopher
couldn’t. One of them should’ve guessed that Sarah would pull a
stunt at the hospital, because in spite of Gage’s postulations it
wasn’t intentional, Christopher believed in his heart it was.

“Did your dad at least make it through okay?”
“Yes. Ben sent me a text this morning, letting me know that

Dad was all right. But…he didn’t say anything else and I don’t
know if…I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but I know I did.”

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“Why? What did you say to him?”
“To him? Nothing. But…I wasn’t joking when I said Mormons

were sensitive about being compared to cultists. And following
that up with admitting I’m an atheist…” Gage sighed. “I couldn’t
have been more insulting or disrespectful if I had tried.”

“It sounds like they didn’t give you a choice.”
“There’s always a choice. I just didn’t think. Of course, Stan

had the choice not to imply that I was leading Ben down the path
of corruption and damnation, which is really what started the
fight.”

“Ben will understand. Eventually.” Hopefully. He was a good

kid. It might take time, depending on how easily he could look past
his religion, but if he could accept Gage’s orientation, Christopher
didn’t see why he couldn’t accept his beliefs, too.

“I hope so.” The last word was lost in a deep yawn. “I think

I’m going to pass out.”

“Go to sleep.” He buried his nose in Gage’s neck, closing his

eyes to the anger still filtering through him. Gage didn’t need it,
and it would only get in the way of a decent night’s sleep.
Tomorrow, though, he’d have a few words with Bowden. Because
somebody needed to be on Gage’s side, and if his family didn’t
want that job, Christopher had no qualms making sure they were
cut out for good.

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CHAPTER 12

When Gage woke up alone, he knew it was bad. But he didn’t

realize the type and extent of the badness until Sherry called to
inform him that Christopher had been by the house looking for
Bowden. Gage knew what she was going to say after that, but it
still came as a hard shock when she added Christopher had gone to
the hospital. It didn’t matter what Christopher thought he was
doing, or why he was doing it, riding off to confront Gage’s family
was not going to help the situation. He didn’t want Christopher
anywhere near them. Not now, not ever. He especially didn’t want
Christopher to think he needed to fight his battles or stand up for
his honor, or whatever the hell it was he thought he was doing.

Gage called down to the front desk and requested a taxi. He

had one more twenty left in his wallet, and that would be just

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enough to get up to the hospital. Fortunately, it was a Sunday
morning and traffic was light, the streets nearly deserted. The
driver tried to make small talk, but Gage was too distracted with
thoughts of Christopher storming into his father’s hospital room.
He wasn’t exactly sure what Christopher was going to say, but he
didn’t think it would be thanking them for a lovely visit.

Gage didn’t know what he would say if he did catch

Christopher first. He wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. He’d spent
the whole night curled against Christopher, and the night had been
still and dreamless. But the previous forty-eight hours had been so
stressful and surreal that he didn’t think he was fully recovered
from it. When he woke up to an empty bed, he had been convinced
the entire exchange with Christopher had been nothing more than a
sweet fantasy. He’d had so many of those interspersed between
heavy feelings of dread and failure. He’d swung wildly between
hope and resignation, finally settling on the latter. He was honestly
amazed that he’d even been coherent when Christopher arrived.

The taxi dropped him off in front of the hospital, and he ran

inside, scanning the main lobby for any sign of his boyfriend. He
wasn’t there. Gage didn’t even pause. He rushed over to the bank
of elevators and jabbed the button that would take him to Joe’s
recovery room. His hands were clammy and his stomach in knots
over what he might see. Why give them more ammunition? Why
let them take any of their time at all? Gage did miss his brothers,
but he had finally realized that he didn’t need to let his parents
poison his life.

He would have liked to tell Christopher about his epiphany.

Maybe he should have done it the night before. Maybe if he had,
Christopher would have stayed in bed with him where he
belonged.

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As soon as the elevator doors opened, he heard the voices. Or

rather, he heard his mother’s.

“Do you really think this is appropriate?”
“You tell me.” Christopher sounded cool and calm, much more

so than Sarah. “Did you think it was appropriate to spring your
little crusade on Gage the other day, when all he wanted was to be
here for his father?”

“Chris—”
“Don’t, Bowden. You weren’t there.”
“Neither were you, Mr. Gleason,” Sarah said. “What I do to

save my son is none of your concern.”

“I beg to differ. When he ends up miserable, that has

everything to do with my concern. When he ends up not eating,
and not sleeping, and convinced he’s the most horrible person in
the world, that’s my business, too. Because somebody has to care
about what happens to him, and you have clearly abdicated from
the responsibility.”

“Christopher,” Gage said, drawing the attention of everybody

in the lobby. Including the three strangers awkwardly watching the
whole exchange from the corner. “What are you doing?”

Christopher had dressed to impress, his shirt crisp, his trousers

impeccably pressed. Though he had sounded calm, Gage could tell
from the flash in his eyes just how agitated Christopher really was.
“What I would’ve done if I’d been here on Friday.”

Sarah’s nostrils flared. “Get him out of here, Gage. This isn’t

the time or place.”

“And Joe’s operation was better, is that it?” Christopher shook

his head. “You don’t get to pick and choose. You had your turn.
Now it’s mine.”

“Christopher, you don’t have to do this.” Christopher wasn’t

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looking at him, but Gage kept his attention locked on him. “She’s
not going to hear anything you say. I think she forgot how to listen
a long time ago.”

Bowden stepped between them. “Listen to him, Chris. Nobody

wins this way.”

“Nobody?” He jabbed a finger at Sarah. “She does. This is

exactly what she wants. If she can’t see it, she doesn’t have to deal
with it.”

Gage finally moved, crossing the room to take Christopher’s

hand. He didn’t think he would be able to bodily drag Christopher
to the elevator, but he hoped that a physical connection would be
enough to distract Christopher from his mission.

“What do you want her to deal with?”
“You. The fact that you’re not a child she can manipulate at

will. That you’re strong and talented, and it shouldn’t matter that
you’re gay, because you’re her son.” His fingers tightened in
Gage’s, but Christopher was still glaring at Sarah. “There’s this
little thing called unconditional love, Mrs. Kimball. Why is that
such a difficult concept for you?”

“Christopher…” Gage took a deep breath and hoped that he

wasn’t about to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. “You’ve
already shown me what unconditional love is. That’s all I need.”

Sarah’s sharp inhalation was audible in the sudden silence

filling the waiting area. Bowden’s eyes widened, jumping from
Gage to Christopher to Sarah, then back to Gage again.

Christopher’s reaction was the most important, though. His

focus slid straight to Gage, his gaze searching, surprise bright and
burning. Several seconds passed where all Gage could hear was the
pounding of his heart, but then, the corner of Christopher’s mouth
lifted, and he squeezed Gage’s hand.

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“Looks like you’re smarter than me, too. You figured that out

first.”

Gage released the breath he’d been holding. “It was more of

a…hopeful guess. But after last night I know that you’re not going
to…punish me for my mistakes or my flaws. You won’t try to cut
me until I bleed for atonement. You’ll never make me feel like I’m
less of a person because I’m not perfect.”

“Never,” Christopher said. “I love you just like you are.”
“Please,” Sarah hissed. “There are people watching.”
“Shut up, Mom. I wouldn’t care if the entire state of Utah was

watching. I’m not doing anything wrong.” That pulled a smile
from Christopher, and Gage’s heart had never felt lighter. “I love
you, too. More than anything.”

They moved at the same time, Christopher’s hand cupping the

side of Gage’s face as their mouths came together. In the
background, he heard Sarah’s gasp, but the only thing that
mattered right then was Christopher’s kiss and the knowledge that
they loved each other. The kiss was deep and delicious, better than
any he could remember, and Christopher was still smiling when
they parted.

“Let’s get married,” Gage blurted, not thinking about anything

except that he never wanted this feeling of lightness, of security, to
end. Judging from the chorus of gasps around him, he probably
should have waited for a better time and place to propose, but now
the words were uttered, he wasn’t going to back down. They felt
right. “I mean, you said you wanted to be exclusive, and I
definitely want that, too. I also want this to be permanent.”

Christopher stared at him with a mixture of awe and disbelief,

but Sarah’s sharp voice cut through his euphoria.

“You can’t do that! It’s illegal!”

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Christopher didn’t even glance in her direction. “Not

everywhere.”

“Gage, you don’t need to do this.” Bowden didn’t sound nearly

as shocked as his mom did, but there was no denying the careful
tone in his voice. “Take some time to get away from all the stress.
You don’t want to rush into anything you’re going to regret.”

Gage still didn’t look away from the only person in the room

who mattered. “Do you think it’s rushing?”

His thumb caressed the edge of Gage’s jaw. “You realize

you’re asking the guy who thinks the older something is, the more
valuable it is, right?”

“See, even Chris—”
“I wasn’t done.” He cut Bowden off without raising his voice,

though the muscles in his neck worked as he swallowed. “You’ve
been the exception to every stupid rule I ever made for myself.
And one of the things you’ve taught me is to grab onto what I want
and don’t let go. Not for anything. Or anyone.” His smile
deepened. “If you think you can put up with an old man like me
forever, I would love to marry you.”

Gage pressed closer to Christopher and caught his mouth in a

slow, deliberate kiss. There were too many emotions to try to
express in words, too much gratitude and love and joy. It seemed
impossible that just the night before, he thought he was prepared to
live the rest of his life without Christopher. How could he have
been so dumb? Now he was just glad Christopher had been too
strong to let everything slip through their fingers.

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” Sarah said in the

background.

Gage finally released Christopher and turned to look at his

mother. “You never knew me. The longest conversations we ever

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had in my life were arguments. I’m sorry this is so hard for you,
but I never had an obligation to pretend to be somebody else just
because who I am makes you uncomfortable.” He squeezed
Christopher’s fingers. “Ready to go?”

Though Christopher cast one more hard look at Sarah, he

followed Gage back to the elevators. They were alone, waiting for
one to stop, for only a few seconds.

Gage met Bowden’s eyes, his jaw set for more argument.

Bowden shook his head as the doors opened.

“Downstairs,” he said.
The ride was silent, and if it hadn’t been for Christopher’s

supportive presence at his side, would have been a lot more
uncomfortable. On the ground floor, all three got out, Bowden
trailing behind them as they went outside.

“Are you two serious about this?” he asked before they were

five feet from the door.

“I’m serious, and Christopher never says anything unless he

means it.”

“I thought they outlawed it again in California.”
“But not other places,” Christopher said. “Iowa allows it.” He

smiled at Gage. “Though someplace like Vermont might be nicer
for a honeymoon.”

“And I’ve always wanted to see Iowa, so that works out

nicely.” Gage put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Look,
Bowden, I know you’re probably just worried about me, but you
don’t have to be. I know what I’m doing.”

“How do you know you’re not just overreacting to Mom’s

craziness?”

“I don’t, I guess. But I do know I spent a lot of time yesterday

trying to figure out what my life would be like without

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Christopher, and I hated it. Nothing could be worse.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to get married.”
“No, but wanting to spend our lives together is an excellent

reason to do it,” Christopher said. “I told you I was serious about
Gage. I meant it.”

“There’s serious, and then there’s this.” Bowden sighed,

shaking his head. “Not that I’m not happy for you, Gage. I’m glad
you found someone you care this much about. But it’s not going to
be easy for you as it is. Do you really want all the problems that
come with sorting out all this legal stuff, too?”

“We’ll get a lawyer and he can do the leg work.” Gage

squeezed Bowden’s shoulder and made sure the older man was
looking him in the eye before he spoke again. “I know what
marriage means to you and how important it is in the church. Why
would you think it’d mean any less to me?”

Bowden took a long time responding. “I don’t. I’m just worried

about you. I felt like shit after I heard what happened on Friday.”

Christopher shook his head when Gage glanced at him. “It

wasn’t me. I didn’t get a chance to say much at all before you got
here.”

“It was Ben. And I’m sorry, Gage. Mom’s ambush was way out

of line.”

“Is Ben…what did he say?”
“He’s fine. I think he was more upset that Mom put you in that

position.”

“So he wasn’t offended or anything?”
“No. You should call him, though. He should hear about your

engagement from you.”

“I will,” Gage said with audible relief. “Before we fly out.”
Bowden’s gaze flickered between them. “You’re still going

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today?”

“Yeah.” Christopher slid his arm around Gage’s waist. “I have

to get back to the store, and Gage has missed too many gigs. And,
apparently, now we have a wedding to plan.”

“I’ll keep in touch this time,” Gage promised. “I’ll probably

need Sherry’s help anyway. I don’t know anything about planning
weddings and she’s got four sisters.”

“Tell her you have a budget,” Bowden warned, then grinned.

“Not that I think she’ll believe you after meeting Chris.”

Christopher held out his free hand. “I’m glad we finally had the

chance.”

“Me, too. Don’t hurt my little brother, though. I’m getting too

old for ass kickings.”

“Never.”
Gage pulled Bowden into a hug, which he returned with a hard

slap on the back. “I do expect to see you there. I’ll need a ring
bearer and your kids are the only ones I know.”

Bowden laughed. “You sure you want that? They’re going to

fight over the job.”

“I’ll think of a way to divide the responsibilities.”
“Let me know when you have everything sorted out. I’ll make

sure the kids don’t miss their uncle’s wedding.”

Gage couldn’t help pulling Bowden into another hug. “Thank

you. That means…thank you.”

“We love you, kid. No matter what.” Bowden broke free from

the embrace, stepping back toward the hospital. “I better go work
some damage control with Mom, though if I was Dad, I’d find a
way to stay here for a few more days.” With a grin and a wave, he
turned his back and left them alone.

“I didn’t give him enough credit,” Christopher said. “Remind

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me to find something nice at the store to send to him in apology.”

Gage’s lips twitched. “I can’t believe you tracked him down to

the hospital.”

“I can’t believe you proposed to me in front of your Mom.”
“Yeah, I pretty much can’t believe that either. I wish I had seen

her face.”

With their hands laced together, Christopher started the walk

toward the visitor parking lot. “Are you going to send her an
invitation?”

“Yes. I’ll even send Brett one. They’ll probably just toss it in

the trash, but at least I can say I tried.”

“Rev’s going to give me hell. I’ll have to make him best man to

shut him up.”

“Right, like anybody else was going to be your best man.”
“We could always elope. Neither one of us needs a best man,

then.”

“Are you going to say I’m a big girl if I want a real wedding?”
“Yes.” Christopher’s sideways smile was brilliant. “But I’ll

give you permission to call me one for wanting a real wedding,
too.”

Gage laughed and stretched to kiss Christopher’s cheek. “So

I’m thinking that Orlando might be a fun place for a honeymoon.”

“Oh, God. Not more Disney.”
“Not just Disney. Universal Studios is there, too.”
“There’s Universal in LA, too. You don’t want to go

somewhere with something you can’t get at home?”

Gage was about to launch into a lecture about the differences

between the Orlando and LA parks, but decided to save it for later.
“I suppose it doesn’t really matter where we go, since I don’t think
I’ll let you leave the hotel room.”

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Christopher’s chuckle came with a sharp tug at Gage’s hand,

pulling him slightly off-balance to crush them together. He fused
his mouth over Gage’s in the next breath, sweeping his tongue
inside in shiver-inducing hunger. Gage clutched at his arms, but
the kiss was over almost as quickly as it started, leaving him wide-
eyed and dizzy for more.

“Something tells me neither one of us will want to leave the

hotel room,” Christopher said. He pulled the car key out of his
pocket and unlocked it remotely. “Now let’s go home and tell
everyone the news.”

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CHAPTER 13

Christopher was nervous. He supposed it was his right to be.

Weren’t all grooms nervous on their wedding day? Except he’d
never seriously imagined he’d be in this position. Weddings were
for straight men, or men who wanted families. He was neither, but
Gage had taught him something very important in the month since
he’d proposed. Marriage was about commitment, a forever he
hadn’t allowed himself to believe in before Gage came along.

That made all the difference.
And at least he didn’t have to fuss too much about the details.

Gage and Sherry commandeered most of those, getting his
opinions on decisions that came up and then sprinting toward the
next choice to be made. He would guess they talked more to his
lawyer about the legal arrangements than he’d talked to the man in

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the past ten years. Gage was swift to answer all Christopher’s
questions, but he suspected his soon-to-be husband was holding
out on him on some of the details. To surprise him, no doubt.
Christopher would let him. There was nothing he liked more than
the way Gage glowed with happiness from the time they got back
to LA to the time they registered at the gorgeous B&B in Ames
Sherry had discovered.

But now, with Gage finishing his shower and guests starting to

congregate out on the lawn, Christopher had nothing to do but sit,
wait, and try to forget about the fact that in under an hour, he was
going to have everything he had ever wanted.

“That was your last chance to run, you know,” Gage said as he

stepped out of the foggy bathroom, a towel slung around his hips,
his damp skin gleaming. “Now I’m not going to let you out of my
sight until after the ceremony is over.”

“I think if I ran now, Sherry would hunt me down and have my

balls for breakfast.” He abandoned the view at the window to cross
the room, halting only when he was just beyond touching distance.
He couldn’t afford to get his clothes wet at this point, but damn if
Gage didn’t make it tempting. “Why don’t you look nervous?”

Gage smiled. “Because I’m not the nervous one.”
“I can see that.” A droplet of water clung to Gage’s beard.

Unable to resist, Christopher stepped closer and wiped it away
with his thumb. “I’m glad you didn’t shave. I would’ve felt like I
was marrying a stranger.”

“I could never shave it now. It’s like my good luck charm.

Things started getting better for me after I grew it.” Gage caught
Christopher’s wrist and kissed his thumb. “Why do you look so
nervous?”

“Because it all seems too good to be true.” Now that Gage was

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touching him, his heart seemed ready to calm down a little, the
rock he needed to remember why everything had been worth it. “I
just want today to be perfect. You’ve worked hard on this.”

“Ah. I thought it was because you’re about to give up your wild

and carefree life as a bachelor.”

Christopher snorted. “Yes, because I was such a playboy before

I met you.”

“Maybe you were wild and carefree before I knew you.” Gage

seemed to consider that for a moment then shook his head. “No,
Rev probably would have mentioned that by now.”

“Rev would have thrown a parade if that had been true.” With

one last caress along Gage’s cheek, he finally stepped back to give
him room to get ready. “Did you warn your brothers about him?
You know he’s going to flirt outrageously with them.”

“Uh, I think the better question is, did you warn Rev about my

brothers? I’d hate to see Rev get punched in the nose for coming
on a bit too strong.”

“If we can keep him away from the champagne, we should be

safe. Or we stick Sherry to him. Something tells me they’d get
along great.”

Gage arched his brow. “I’m not going to try to keep an eye on

how much he’s drinking. I think for once you’re going to have to
let Rev fend for himself a little. And that came out a little more
naggy than I thought it would. Great, I’m already turning into a
fishwife.”

“That’s okay,” Christopher said with a grimace. “Apparently,

I’m still a mother hen.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Sorry
about that. I want this day to be special for you, and here I am,
trying to fix everybody else.”

“It’s okay. I love you despite the obvious flaw of being too

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kindhearted.” Gage crossed to the closet and reached for his suit.
“But seriously, if you want to make today special for me, then you
can promise you won’t take it upon yourself to babysit everybody.
I just want you to relax and have a good time with me.”

“That’s what I want, too. Of course, I can promise that.” It was

on the tip of his tongue to suggest he go find Sherry and put her on
the job for him, when he realized that was doing exactly what he’d
just said he wouldn’t. He forced himself to sit on the edge of the
huge bed and lean back on his hands, watching Gage drying off the
rest of the way. “I can’t, however, promise that I won’t rip that suit
off you once I see you in it. You’re going to be the most gorgeous
part of this whole wedding.”

“Just as long as you don’t make us late.” Gage tossed his towel

over a chair, and stood there for a moment wearing nothing but a
smirk. The sun streamed in behind him, turning his skin golden. He
absently ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the damp strands
away from his face, and Christopher was happy to drink in the
sight of him. Even if he knew Gage was doing it on purpose to
torment him. “Joseph called me this morning while you were out.
He said he was sorry he had to miss today.”

Though he was glad to hear of the unsolicited contact, he

couldn’t help but wonder how Gage felt about it. Their
engagement had split the family in half, though Bowden had been
a welcome ally. Sarah and Joe had gone as far as forbidding Ben to
attend the ceremony, arguing that he would do as they said since
he was a minor and living under their roof, but he’d threatened
more than once to run away just to come. Ultimately, Bowden had
gotten them to concede, on the condition he only come for the day
and Bowden would be with him the entire time.

“I hope I get a chance to meet him at some point. Do you think

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he might visit us out in LA?”

“I told him he was welcome any time he wanted. After talking

to Bowden, I expected him to blow off the invitation completely.
But he seemed…interested.”

“Did he say where he was? Bowden never gives any details

when he talks about him.”

“Believe it or not, he spent the summer in Alaska on a fishing

boat. He didn’t say it directly, but I think Bowden never gives
details because he doesn’t have any.”

Christopher was distracted from thinking about the mysterious

Kimball brother when Gage turned around to start getting dressed.
His mouth went dry at the sight of the tight ass, the blond hair
curling along the back of Gage’s strong thighs. He had already
been semi-erect at the sight of him, but now, with Gage playing it
to the hilt, Christopher’s cock hardened the rest of the way,
uncomfortably wedged in the junction where his hip met his thigh.

“In case I forget to say it later, thank you for today,” he said,

his voice slightly hoarse. “If I’m nervous, it’s just because I can’t
believe I’m really this lucky.”

Gage looked up from fumbling with his pants and their eyes

met. “I think we both know who the lucky one is in this room.”

He smiled. “How about for today, we call it a draw?”
“Okay.” Gage waved his hand and returned his attention to the

task at hand. “I already know it doesn’t do any good to argue with
you when you’re feeling stubborn.”

“I’m not stubborn. I’m right.” When Gage rolled his eyes, he

laughed. A lifetime with this man? Yeah, no matter what Gage
thought, Christopher knew he was the lucky one. By a mile.

* * *

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Gage had quietly selected the local justice of the peace to

perform the wedding, though Sherry and Christopher had both
suggested nondenominational ministers. Gage had balked against
that, partially because he didn’t want any mention of religion in his
wedding, and partially because the part of him that would always
be a Mormon was horrified at the thought. The ceremony itself was
quite simple and straightforward, and almost seemed surreal to
Gage. He repeated the words he was told to repeat, and he slid the
gold ring over Christopher’s finger when instructed, and when they
finally kissed, Gage felt his whole body surging forward to join his
new husband. But he felt somewhat distant from the whole affair—
he’d considered himself inextricably bound to Christopher from
the day they left Salt Lake together, and the ceremony itself only
made that official.

Ben and Rev flanked them as they stood in front of the justice,

and just the sight of his brother in his suit made his chest swell
with pride. He knew how hard Ben had to fight just to be there, and
as far as Gage was concerned, he was the most logical choice to be
his best man. He knew that Ben wasn’t one hundred percent at ease
with him, but he had chosen to set their disagreements aside and
Gage was certain that Ben was already on his way to being a good
man. Bowden and Sherry had their brood in the front row, each
one of them dressed up in their Sunday best and surprisingly well-
behaved. Chad’s family sat behind them, and his kids were just old
enough to realize that they weren’t attending a normal wedding.
Their eyes were wide and interested, and Gage was a bit proud of
them, too.

The reception wasn’t quite as simple as the ceremony. He’d

discovered he had a knack for planning parties, and he enjoyed it.
He hadn’t gone overboard, not interested in breaking Christopher’s

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wallet, though Christopher had insisted again and again that Gage
should get anything that would make him happy. Gage had made
specific sacrifices so they could afford to fly their friends to Iowa,
and when they stepped out of the bed-and-breakfast to join the
party on the lawn, they were greeted with a loud round of applause.

Gage released Christopher’s arm and kissed his cheek. “Stay

right here.”

The chairs that had been set up for the ceremony had been

cleared away, replaced with several tables and a low pavilion. A
mic stand stood on it, and Gage made a beeline for it. His guitar
had been hidden behind the table, and he positioned the strap over
his shoulder before turning to address their guests.

“I’m sure you noticed that we didn’t write our own vows. It’s

mainly because I didn’t want to risk repeating myself.” Gage
swallowed and his eyes sought out Christopher’s. “So I’m going to
ask all of you to please indulge me before we start serving dinner.”

“Don’t we always?” Bowden said good-naturedly. He

pretended to wince when Sherry elbowed him, but his grin never
wavered.

Christopher edged closer, his soft, expectant smile helping to

quell some of the butterflies in Gage’s stomach. He hadn’t been
nervous until this point. In fact, he’d been a little amused by how
nervous Christopher had been earlier. But this was different. He’d
been working on this for a long time. He wanted it to be perfect,
tweaking a chord here, a word there. Time had run out on him,
though, and now, here they were.

“I think it’s safe to say, this is for Christopher.” A small titter

rippled through the guests. “It’s called, ‘All That You Are.’”

His fingers slid along the strings, finding the first chord with

ease. Keeping his gaze on Christopher, he took a deep breath and

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started the song.

Music was everything to him. For as long as he could

remember, he’d found sanctuary in it. It brought him peace when
the rest of the world was in turmoil, exhilarated him when nothing
else could reach through the funk. The world had opened after he’d
met Christopher, but rather than dim his dedication, Christopher
had loved him enough to let that passion for his music grow.

“At the end of the light, at the start of the night…”
He’d caught himself humming it in the shower and feared

Christopher might have overheard. But from the look of awe on
Christopher’s face, his worries had been for naught. The pavilion
disappeared, leaving only the two of them, like the very first time
he had ever performed at the Red Fin and Christopher had been
there, right in the front, hanging on his every word. So much had
happened since then. And now, they had so much more to look
forward to.

“All that you are, my choice, my chance…”
The first verse had been the easiest to come, and he sang it with

confidence, but as he swung into the chorus, his voice softened.
Christopher never blinked. He soaked up every word, even the
ones Gage hadn’t been completely sure about, his smile
unfaltering, the love radiating from him in palpable waves. He
made them better.

He made Gage better.
When he finished the song, there was silence for several

seconds. The applause erupted at the same moment Christopher
swept forward, caught Gage’s face between his hands, and kissed
him for all he was worth.

“And he tried telling me earlier that I was the lucky one,”

Christopher said to everyone when he straightened.

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Gage’s mouth tingled from the kiss and Christopher looked so

amazing—beautiful even—in the late afternoon light that his heart
clenched. Gage knew that at least a few people at that wedding
thought they were rushing into things, but nobody had ever made
him feel as happy or secure as Christopher did. The glint of light
off his ring caught his eye and he suddenly felt such a depth of
love for Christopher that he knew no attempt at music would ever
really express it. He knew he was grinning like an idiot at
Christopher, but he couldn’t help it. At that moment, he was happy
to wear his heart on his sleeve.

When everyone took their seat for dinner, Christopher’s hand

disappeared beneath the table to come to rest on Gage’s thigh. He
squeezed once as he leaned closer and murmured in his ear, “I
think that’s the best thing you’ve ever written. And not because it’s
about us.”

Gage warmed with the compliment. “Maybe it’ll be my break-

out hit,” he said lightly.

“Then everybody will finally know just how talented my

husband really is.” His lips brushed across Gage’s jaw. “I like
calling you that. I think I’m probably going to drive everyone
crazy saying it all the time.”

“I think you’ve probably got a month before people will start

getting annoyed.” Gage covered Christopher’s hand and squeezed
his fingers under the table. “When do you think we can sneak
away?”

“Sherry made me promise to stick around for the first dance.

You think you can wait that long?”

Gage honestly didn’t think he could, but he nodded anyway. He

tried to be content with the weight of Christopher’s hand on his
thigh and the adoring glances he shot Christopher’s way every

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thirty seconds. He couldn’t even force himself to focus on the
meal—which was exceptional judging from the cost of the
catering. Gage wouldn’t know for himself because he could barely
taste it. He was too distracted and strangely eager. Like he was
crouched at the starting line of the final race of the day. Gage knew
on one level that nothing had really changed, except everything
had.

Once the plates were gathered from the tables and the pavilion

settled into a low hum of activity, Rev stood and gestured for the
mic. Gage slid his gaze sideways and whispered, “You didn’t
mention he planned to give a toast.”

Christopher was watching Rev warily. “That’s because I

thought I’d bribed him enough to keep him from doing it.”

Adjusting the mic, Rev shot the waiting guests a brilliant smile.

“Christopher isn’t expecting this, but honestly, he couldn’t pay me
enough to keep me from toasting him and Gage. Though trust me,
he tried.” Everyone was paying attention at that point, chuckling at
Rev’s small joke. He held his wineglass aloft. “Good evening,
everybody. I’m Rev, and it’s an honor to be here today to share
this joyous occasion with all of you. Christopher and I have been
friends for years, so when he asked me to be his best man, my first
thought was, ‘Dude, are you kidding? Do you have any idea how
much dirt I have on you?’”

Gage chuckled, in spite of his initial uncertainty. Even

Christopher smiled.

“But today’s not about all the stories I could tell you about

Christopher,” Rev said, then paused, looking thoughtful for a
moment. “Well, it is, but track me down after he and Gage take off
later. I’ll give you the scoop then. For now, I want to talk about the
both of them, and why they owe their happiness completely to

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me.”

Christopher snorted, but his shoulders were more relaxed,

especially as he draped his arm over the back of Gage’s chair.

“I know what you’re thinking. That I’m nuts. Because Gage

bought Christopher a drink, and the rest is history, right? Well,
that’s true enough, but I’ll bet Christopher never mentioned how
many times I had to hold his hand when he was pining after Gage,
did he? He was nuts for him. From the start. And because of my
kindhearted wisdom—”

“Is that what you’re calling it now?” Christopher interjected

with a lifted brow.

Rev half-turned to face them, raising his glass higher. “That’s

exactly what I’m calling it. Because I saw even then how good you
two would be for each other. I knew from the start what a great
guy Gage was, and I told you time and time again what exactly
was going to make you happy. Because it’s Gage. It’s always been
Gage. And here’s my fondest wish that it always will be Gage.”
His teasing smile faded, the light in his eye growing serious. “You
are the most selfless man I know, Christopher. You’ve spent more
time making sure everybody else has what they want, and putting
your own needs last. You deserve only the best, and now you have
it.” To the guests, “Cheers!”

Gage leaned sideways as everybody lifted their glasses. “He

was telling you from the beginning, huh? Why didn’t you listen to
your wise friend?”

“You’ve seen the guys he chooses to date. Would you have

listened to him?”

“You know, it almost sounds like you’re comparing me to

Rev’s menagerie of winners.”

“Well, he was bound to get one right, sooner or later.”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

165

“So were you.”
Christopher stretched to give Gage a soft, lingering kiss. “And

when I did, I got it very right.”

Every time Christopher said something like that, Gage felt a

curious tightening around his throat. He slid his hand down to
Christopher’s knee, gave him a squeeze, and then moved back up
his leg to let his fingers linger on Christopher’s thigh. They teased
each other, whispering and laughing and generally making a
complete spectacle of themselves while they cleared the dance
floor. When it was time to step down from the dais for the first
dance, Gage was half-hard and questioning the wisdom of groping
Christopher under the table like they were a couple of horny kids.

“How are your dance moves?” Gage asked as Christopher led

him to the floor. “You’re not going to stomp my toes, are you?”

A wicked gleam appeared in his eye. “Did I ever disappoint

you at Power?”

Gage’s eyes widened. “We can’t dance like that here.”
“No, but I’m not making any promises we won’t later.”
With a firm but gentle tug, Christopher pulled Gage close,

assuming a classic waltz pose with a surprising effortlessness.
Their lower bodies pressed against each other, and he bit back his
groan at feeling Christopher’s erection rubbing against his.
Meanwhile, the hand that should have been at Gage’s waist slid
farther around, almost to the small of his back. It bordered on the
right side of propriety, but only just. When he glanced around,
however, everyone was smiling at them, waiting for the music to
start. Only because he was so aroused, and could feel Christopher’s
arousal, did it make it feel naughty.

Christopher lowered his mouth to Gage’s ear. “Are you going

to make it to the end of the dance?”

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

166

Gage wanted to say yes, but the sound came out as more of a

choked whimper and less of a word. Christopher only grinned at
him, like he was actually enjoying this. Maybe he was. Maybe he
was practicing for an entire lifetime of tormenting Gage—which
actually wasn’t so bad.

“At least it’s a short song,” Gage murmured at the opening

notes of Here, There, and Everywhere.

“Why do you think I lobbied so hard to have it for the first

dance?”

Christopher was the first to move, leading Gage like they had

danced like this a thousand times. He kept his hands visible, but
the subtle slides of their cocks were a constant reminder of how
ready they both were for more, the hint of what would come once
they were able to find some time alone. Somewhere in the first
verse, Christopher began to hum along. He hadn’t lifted his head,
so the slight vibrations added to the thrill already racing through
Gage’s body.

“I’m glad I lobbied to have the reception at the B&B.”
The song faded into silence, and Gage couldn’t resist cupping

the back of Christopher’s head and drawing him into a slow, deep
kiss. Gage was distantly aware that the crowd surrounding the
guest floor was applauding them, but the sound was nothing
compared to the racing of his heart. If he didn’t get Christopher
alone soon, he was going to embarrass himself in a spectacular
way.

When they parted, Christopher slid his arm the rest of the way

around Gage’s waist. The next song started, and though other
couples trickled onto the dance floor, he guided Gage to the edge,
where Sherry and Bowden stood.

“Thank you,” he said to Sherry. “For everything you’ve done to

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

167

help make today perfect.”

She smiled. “Gage had a lot of great ideas. Like that song.” To

Gage, “That was amazing. I’m going to be the first person to buy
your album when it comes out.”

“Second,” Christopher said.
Bowden lifted a brow at his brother. “You’re going to make

your husband buy his own copy? Do I need to sit you down and
teach you how this whole marriage thing works?”

“No, I have a pretty good idea of how everything is supposed

to work,” Gage said, sounding more impatient than good-natured.

“And every intention of showing me as soon as humanly

possible.” Bowden and Sherry joined Christopher’s chuckles. “Are
we good, Sherry?”

“Absolutely. You two go on. I’ll make sure everybody has

fun.”

At one point they had discussed remaining celibate until their

wedding night. Gage couldn’t quite remember why or who had
first broached the subject—it had probably been Christopher
because Gage certainly didn’t ever want to be celibate again. It
didn’t matter either way because the conversation had been
interrupted by a blow job, and after Christopher had returned the
favor they both agreed waiting until their wedding night was not
going to happen. Now Gage realized how wise that decision had
been, because if they had waited, Gage would have probably
jumped him in the middle of dinner. But he managed to keep his
hands above Christopher’s pants until the door slammed shut
behind them.

Christopher pushed him against the door and Gage’s hands

were fumbling and awkward and everywhere they could reach. The
kiss was frantic, and nothing like the one they shared on the dance

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

168

floor. This was all hunger and sharp teeth and impatient moans.
Gage pushed Christopher’s jacket off his shoulders, removing the
first barrier between him and Christopher’s hot skin.

The ties were another matter. Gage didn’t care about his. The

important thing was to strip Christopher down. But Christopher
had his own ideas. Pinning Gage at the shoulder, he bypassed the
jacket completely and went straight to his neck, hot fingertips
searing across the top of his collar as he yanked at the knot. The
sudden release sent a blast of cooler air down the back of his shirt,
but the shift in temperature only fueled their fervor rather than
stifle it.

Christopher immediately attacked the skin he’d exposed with

his lips and teeth. Gage lifted his chin, inviting more of the
maddening contact, feeling every scrape from his throat to his
groin. His fingers moved of their own accord, unbuttoning
Christopher’s shirt until he could smooth his hands over the broad
chest, palms skimming over the hardening nipples.

“I need to be inside of you.” Gage gasped and rotated his hips,

letting his cock grind against Christopher’s thigh. “God, I just need
you.”

“You have me.” Buttons followed the tie, giving Christopher

more room to blaze a trail downward. When he bent to flick his
tongue across the nearest nipple, Gage arched away from the door,
straining for more contact. “But first, I’m going to get the taste of
you I should’ve gotten when you were dripping wet and nearly
naked.”

“No, I…” I really think I should be fucking you now. But the

protest died on his lips as soon as Christopher blew a stream of
cool air across his hard skin. Christopher’s hands continued down
his chest, knuckles skimming across his stomach, his muscles

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

169

pulling tight at the caress. Gage fumbled with Christopher’s belt,
resolved to get it unbuckled while he still had the ability to do so,
but his fingers kept sneaking downward to brush the line of
Christopher’s cock through his pants. His other hand went to the
back of Christopher’s head, fingers tangling and twisting in his
hair, pulling lightly with each sweep of Christopher’s tongue.

He surprised Gage by abruptly straightening, scooping his

hands around Gage’s jaw to crush their mouths together again. A
tremor reverberated in his fingers, echoing into Gage. So did his
groan when Gage finally freed both the buckle and the zipper to
reach his throbbing length. His hold tensed, and when Gage rubbed
his palm over the wet tip, Christopher broke away to gasp for air.

“Maybe I can taste you later. Because I can’t even think

straight with you doing that.”

Gage smiled and none-too-gently pushed him back to the bed.

He gripped Christopher’s trousers in both hands and tugged them
to his feet, dropping to his knees with them. He nuzzled his mouth
over Christopher’s head, inhaling the scent of his skin and arousal,
his mouth watering for a taste. Pre-come smeared across his lips
and chin, sticky and warm where it touched him, and he knew his
own cock was just as damp. He sucked on two fingers, wetting
them before dragging them over Christopher’s crown to slick them
further.

Gage closed his lips around the head, sucking gently as he

sought out Christopher’s ass. He pushed his slick fingertips past
the tight muscle, working them deeper into the excruciating heat.

“Oh, God…”
Christopher spread his legs wider, giving Gage more room, at

the same time dropping his hands to Gage’s head. Though his
fingers tightened, he didn’t pull Gage down his length, giving

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

170

Gage all the latitude he might want to suck at the hot flesh.

As delicious as it was, Gage concentrated on the tip,

swallowing every drop of pre-come, and let his desire translate
more to his strokes in and out of Christopher’s clenching channel.
Every time Gage sank back inside, the muscles yielded to his
exploration, urging him as deep as he could possibly go. Every
time he pulled out, they protested his absence, squeezing around
him with hints of what they would feel like around his cock.

Gage had thrown Christopher a party in celebration of him, and

he had poured his soul onto paper through painstaking words and
chords. Now, however, it was time to worship Christopher’s body
with his fingers and tongue. Gage’s cock throbbed, and desire
wound through him like a slow-moving river, flooding over its
banks and drowning everything in its path. He couldn’t wait to sink
into Christopher. Judging by the hungry moans and the pressure in
Christopher’s fingers, Christopher felt the same impatience. But
Gage made sure he took his time, determined to do it right and
push Christopher right to the precipice before easing him back.

Knuckles grazed over his cheek. “Never known anyone as

amazing as you.” Christopher’s voice was hoarse with desire, his
touch alternately tender and needy. “What you do…”

The rest choked off as Gage swallowed more of his cock. His

ass locked down around Gage’s fingers, preventing him from
pulling out or going deeper, and for several seconds, they remained
frozen, locked in the overwhelming rush of their passion. Time
stretched, almost maddeningly so. When Christopher finally
exhaled, his fingers laced through Gage’s hair and tugged.

“On the bed. My legs aren’t going to hold me much longer.”
Gage forced himself to stand, though his legs weren’t exactly

feeling strong either. He shucked his clothes quickly and found the

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

171

lube in the nightstand while Christopher shrugged off his shirt and
stretched out on the large mattress. Gage poured some over his
cock and fisted his length while he studied Christopher, his heart
beating a nervous rhythm, his blood pounding behind his eyes.
Christopher looked back at him with the same intensity, and Gage
knew he had been completely stupid to ever think for a second that
he could live a day without this man.

Gage settled on the bed, cradled between Christopher’s legs,

and sought his mouth again as he guided his cock forward. He
teased Christopher’s entrance with his slick head, spreading lube
and pre-come while his tongue dipped into Christopher’s mouth.

It would be a first for them, in more ways than one. It wouldn’t

just be their first time as a married couple, but their first without a
condom. Christopher had made the arrangements for every test
under the sun, to assure Gage they would be completely safe. They
would never need anything between them again, just the way they
both wanted it. Gage hadn’t mentioned it, but he felt a special thrill
at the level of Christopher’s trust, as though he hadn’t just forgiven
Gage’s indiscretion, but forgotten it completely.

Christopher coiled a leg around the back of Gage’s. “Do it,” he

whispered. “Please. Need you.”

Gage didn’t need to hear anything more. Christopher’s muscles

stretched around him and immediately tightened. Gage shuddered
at the pressure, his breath caught in his chest as he claimed
Christopher’s body an inch at a time. His leg moved higher to wrap
around Gage, and he tugged him forward until Gage was fully
sheathed. The firm muscles around him clenched and bolts of
pleasure shot up his spine. Gage desperately slammed his mouth to
Christopher’s, afraid everybody at the reception would hear his
shout otherwise.

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

172

Christopher’s response was the twist of their tongues, the

smoothing of his hands down Gage’s trembling back. Though he
hadn’t shouted, he was far from silent, answering Gage with harsh
moans. His cock was trapped between them, thick and heavy
against Gage’s stomach. In the back of his mind, Gage wondered if
Christopher was as close already as he was. The whole day had
been foreplay, teasing them with the potential of this moment, this
junction, not just of bodies, but of their hearts as well and
everything that came with them.

Gage rolled his hips slowly, his stomach gliding across

Christopher’s cock, catching thin strings of fluid. He broke away
from Christopher’s mouth and rained kisses on his face and then
lower on his throat and shoulders. Every time he moved his hips,
Christopher moaned and lifted off the bed, as if he was trying to
press himself into Gage’s skin.

He’d thought taking it slow would give him time to adjust to

the insistent heat, but all that did was make him even more aware
of every inch gripping his shaft. It crawled up his spine until the
back of his neck burned, and then crept higher, to his ears, to his
eyes, to his tingling scalp. Christopher’s caresses and constant
kisses didn’t help matters. They joined the dance, leaving every
inch of Gage’s skin aflame.

Gage finally eased back, sliding away from the heat and giving

himself a chance to catch his breath. Christopher immediately
pulled him forward again, and Gage’s body vibrated from the
impact. The friction was too much to resist, and they both began
moving at the same time, as if they reached the same conclusion in
the same second. Gage’s hips were quick and sure, moving in a
sharp rhythm.

When he met Christopher’s eyes, they shone with unspoken

LEO: ALL THAT YOU ARE

173

emotion. The corner of his mouth lifted, and he released his grip on
Gage’s ass to reach up and run his thumb over Gage’s lower lip. It
tickled, but only for a moment, just long enough for Christopher to
pull him down for another kiss, a kiss that was different from the
ones before it, slower, more deliberate. The contrast with the
tempo of their rest of their bodies heightened each stroke, even
when Gage began to quicken them.

Every moment of pleasure built on the last, piling higher and

higher until he was heavy with it. He shoved his hand between
their bodies, fisting Christopher’s cock. He stripped it with each
hard thrust, moving hips and wrist in tandem while he sank deeper
into Christopher’s slow kisses. Then Christopher whispered Gage’s
name and all the day’s heady emotions and desires crystallized into
one blissful moment. He buried himself to the hilt and erupted, his
frame shaking with the force of his release.

Christopher’s cock jerked within his grasp. On a long, low

moan, he shot over both of their chests.

They remained entwined long after both of them were spent.

Gage rested his forehead against Christopher’s shoulder, glorying
in the long sweeps of his husband’s hands up and down his back.

“I’m not nearly as eloquent as you are with your music,”

Christopher said. His lips brushed against Gage’s ear. “So all I can
do is tell you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,
Gage. I love you so much, and I’m going to make sure you know
that every day for the rest of our lives.”

Gage smiled into Christopher’s neck. “I’ll never forget it.”

Even if Christopher never said the words again, Gage would still
know them, still feel their truth. They were imprinted on his flesh
and his heart, anchored by the ring he now wore.

AMIE

RAIG

Jamie Craig is the collaborative efforts of Pepper Espinoza and
Vivien Dean. Both successful authors on their own, they began
working together in early 2006. Pepper lives with her husband and
cats in Utah, where she attends graduate school, and Vivien resides
in northern California with her husband and two children.

* * *

Don’t miss Wearing Death

by Jamie Craig,

available at AmberAllure.com!

When veterinarian Jeremy Reed hears a thump one night on his
front step, he expects to find an abandoned animal. What he gets is
battered and broken cop Brendan Wheeler. Kidnapped from his
apartment five days earlier by an unknown man, Brendan now
sports a vivid tattoo across his back depicting a young woman’s
death, a woman nobody knows.

Until the next morning when Jeremy discovers her dead body.

Brendan wants to find the killer. Jeremy wants Brendan to survive.
And someone wants both of them to pay…

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

OLD

TANDARD IN

UBLISHING

UALITY

OOKS

OTH

RINT AND

LECTRONIC

ORMATS

CTION

DVENTURE

USPENSE

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www.AmberQuill.com

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