D J Manly My Father's Lover

My Father’s Lover

D. J. Manly

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My Father’s Lover

ISBN: 978-1-55487-192-2

Cover art by Angela Waters

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Chapter One

nthony listened as the doctor told him
Michael was dead. He closed his eyes, took a

few steps, swayed, before he steadied himself.
Sandy reached out and placed a hand on his
shoulder. Neither of them said anything. There
were no words to express the horror of it. Michael
had been hooked up to tubes for hours in the hope
that he would begin to breathe on his own again,
but Anthony knew what the outcome would be.
The doctor knew it, too. Michael had been beaten
too badly.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said before he walked

away. Anthony was vaguely aware of
acknowledging his condolences. The weight of
Michael’s death washed over him like a shroud.
His throat was tight, but he couldn’t cry.

Sandy placed a hand on his friend’s arm. “Is

there anything I can do?”

Anthony met his gaze. Sandy had dropped by

Impressions last night on a stopover from his East
Coast tour. He felt badly that he had to be

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embroiled in all this.

“I have to go back to the club, tell them what

happened to Michael.”

Sandy nodded. “Do you want me to do it?”
“No, I have to do it,” he said, looking around.

“That police officer said that someone would be
here at the hospital to take the report but…” He
felt himself trembling.

“Never mind. Someone will come. They have

your phone number and address. Let’s get out of
here. Let them track you down.”

“Wait, I have to sign some papers and…”
“Okay. Let’s get that over with and get out of

here.”

Sandy waited as Anthony signed the necessary

documents at the nurse’s station. Sandy was glad
he’d been with Anthony when all this happened
last night. Anthony was his best friend. They had
been friends since they were kids, growing up in
the same neighbourhood.

As Sandy walked down the hallway with

Anthony, he felt the burden of his grief. It would
have been better if Anthony had cried, but he was
never one to show his emotions. His father had
tried to beat all emotion out of him when he was a
kid. He had grown up tough, leaving home at the
age of twelve, hustling on the streets.

Anthony paused suddenly, turning sad eyes to

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Sandy. “I have to make the arrangements and…”
He cleared his voice. “I have to see the guys at the
club and there are friends and…his…”

Sandy blinked. “And his what?”
Anthony shook his head. “Never mind. It’s not

important. Let’s get out of here.”

Anthony was walking slowly, totally drained of

energy. His six-four, muscular frame looked
almost frail. The staff looked at them as they
walked by, whispering behind their hands.

“Anthony, there’s a police officer,” Sandy told

him suddenly as they were about to go out the
front door of the emergency room.

The police officer looked at them, taking note of

the blood stains on Anthony’s shirt. “Is one of you
Anthony Regali?”

Anthony gave the cop a bland stare. “I am.”
“It’s about the incident last night. I’m here to

take a report and…”

“And what?” Anthony eyed him. “File it away

somewhere to collect dust?”

“My friend is distraught, officer, someone close

to him just died,” Sandy interjected.

“My father was murdered,” Anthony said to

the cop in a harsh voice.

“If your father was murdered, it’s a homicide,

so I need a description of…”

Anthony pushed by him. “I don’t need your

help. I’ll find the little bastards myself and…”

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“I don’t advise you to do that, sir,” the cop

called after him.

But Anthony was out the door and halfway to

his vehicle.

Sandy tried to explain his friend’s frame of

mind, but the police officer ignored him, following
Anthony outside instead. “Mr. Regali, please. I
know you’re upset but you were the only witness
and I need…”

“I’m sorry,” Anthony apologised, running a

hand through his hair. “Give me a few hours and
I’ll come down to the station and tell you
everything you need to know.”

The officer seemed satisfied with that.

Nodding, he walked away, mumbling that he was
sorry about his father.

* * * *

Sandy got into Anthony’s car and they drove
toward the club. “Are you all right to drive,
Anthony? I could drive if…”

Anthony looked at him. “I’m fine. I need to get

to Impressions so that I can call the staff together
and…” His voice faltered for a minute. “I need to
tell them about Michael.”

“I feel helpless. If I can do anything for you…”
“Well,” Anthony said, driving his car into the

manager’s spot of the club parking lot, “there is

My Father’s Lover

something you can do.”

“Name it.”
Anthony looked at him. “Take my car and go

back to the house. There’s a phonebook on the
table near the door. Open it, and on the first page
you’ll find the name Michael. Call the number and
ask for him. Tell him his father, who he never gave
a shit about, is dead at the age of thirty-nine. Here
are the keys.”

Sandy got out of the car and stared at his friend

in shock. “Michael had a son? You never told me
that.”

“Well, to tell you the truth, he’s a son in name

only. Michael tried so hard to see him when the
kid was young. Apparently, the mother wouldn’t
allow it. When the boy got older, he didn’t want
anything to do with his father.”

“Why not?”
“Because he was a female impersonator, I

guess. Thought he was some kind of a freak, told
him as much in a letter. It really hurt him.
Anyway, funny thing was, his son turned out to
be queer, just like his dad, but he had some sort of
problem with drag. I’ll let you read his letter some
day. Some political bullshit about how it degrades
the gay community. If I had my way, I wouldn’t
even tell him about his father but Michael
wouldn’t have wanted that. Anyway, I don’t want
to talk to the little shit, so if you do that for me, I’ll

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owe you.”

“No problem. You won’t owe me anything. I’ll

see you back here at the club.”

Anthony handed Sandy the car keys, reached

out and squeezed his arm. “You’re not leaving yet,
are you?”

Sandy shook his head. “No. I’ll stay as long as I

can. I’ll be back in an hour, and then I’ll go with
you to the police station.”

Anthony breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks,

Sandy.”

* * * *

Anthony walked to the front door of Impressions.
Outside the neon lights had just come on. They
were just about to open. This place had been
Michael’s dream. He had bought it several years
ago from the former owner, and transformed it.
Anthony had been the manager ever since Daniel
was killed. Before that, he had worked here as a
bartender and a waiter. Impressions was a big
money-maker, the most prosperous club of its
kind on the West Coast. People came from all over
to see the shows. It had made them rich. It had
made Michael a star. Now he was dead. Both he
and Daniel, and he had never felt more alone.

As Anthony walked into the club, he saw the

familiar faces of the staff who worked there. They

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were like a family. There was Eddie, the
bartender, and Hollio, Juan, Karl and Ron, the
entertainers. There was Annie and Marie, the
waitresses, and waiters Sam, Toby and recently
Jason. Jason had been living on the streets just like
he had, a sweet boy, disowned by his parents
because he was gay. Daniel and Michael had taken
him in just before Daniel had been killed.

He wasn’t sure how he was going tell them

about what had happened last night outside the
club. How could he accept it himself? It was
surreal.

They all hurried over to him now, Ron and

Jason, Hollio, Juan, and Sam. It wasn’t like him to
come into the club this late. “Where’s Michael?”
Sam asked, a glass in his slender hand. “I’ve been
calling you guys all day. He was supposed to lend
me his leather jacket for my date with Yves
tonight.”

Some of the others whistled and made

comments.

Anthony put his hand on the table to steady

himself. It was Jason who came closer. “What’s
wrong, Anthony? Something is wrong.” He
reached over and touched his hand.

Juan suddenly yanked Jason out of the way and

stared into Anthony’s face. “Anthony,” he said
sternly, “where in hell is Michael?”

Anthony looked up from the table. “Michael’s

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dead,” he managed, his eyes filling with tears.

There was complete silence. Jason shook his

head. “This isn’t funny, Anthony.”

“No, it isn’t funny. Michael was killed outside

here last night, beaten to death by some thugs. The
club is closed for the next week or two. You will
all be paid.”

“Oh my God, what happened? How?” Ron

demanded, tears in his eyes.

Jason started crying.
Anthony bit his lip. “I can’t go into it right now.

I have some work in the office to do. Sam, make
sure there’s a closed sign on the door and the neon
sign is off, will you please? I’ll come and talk to
you all later.”

Sam nodded.
No one went home. They sat in the darkened

club together, crying, stunned, and hugging each
other. No one was leaving.

* * * *

Back at Michael’s house, Sandy tried countless
times to call the phone number Anthony had
instructed him to. He hadn’t gotten any answer for
at least two hours. Finally, on what Sandy vowed
was his last attempt, the phone was picked up.

“Yeah?”
“Hello, is this Michael?”

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“Yes. Who is this?” Michael demanded,

sounding irritated.

“You don’t know me. I’m calling about your

father.”

“My father? My father is asleep in bed.”
“Ah…well, I’m calling about Michael, your

ah…biological father.”

“Look, I don’t have any contact with him. We’re

on different planets, man, so…”

“I’m calling to tell you that…your father is

dead.”

“Dead? How?”
“He was murdered.”
There was silence again. Michael said softly,

“Jesus.”

“Anyway, I’m calling on behalf of Anthony.”
“Well, give the old guy my condolences.”
Sandy wasn’t sure who the old guy was

supposed to be. “No, not Daniel, Anthony,” Sandy
insisted.

“Look, whoever you are, I didn’t know my dad

at all and that’s the way I liked it. He’s dead, that’s
too bad. I really mean that sincerely. Thanks for
letting me know. It’s a crazy world we live in.”

“Someone will call you back and let you know

when the funeral is.”

“What for? I’m not going to California. I have

no place at a funeral for a man I never knew.”

“I’ll let Anthony know what you said,” Sandy

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told him stiffly, his stomach in knots. How could
this guy not even care about his own father?

The phone went dead.

Michael put the phone down and switched off

the lamp. He lay back down in bed and closed his
eyes. Why bother telling him this shit? It didn’t
matter anyway. His father had abandoned him
and his mother when he was just a baby. He had
run off to put on a dress and entertain horny old
queers. He was an embarrassment to the entire
gay community, to which he was proudly a part
of, not to mention a total embarrassment to him.
He had no intention of running out to Los Angeles
to attend a funeral where some old fag in a dress
sobbed over his father’s grave.

Michael tossed and turned in his bed a few

times, and finally got up and turned on the light.
He stood in front of the mirror and looked at
himself. Nineteen, at his prime, shoulder-length,
curly dark hair, nice smile, and a great ass. He had
lovers by the dozens and he didn’t need to
degrade himself by wearing a dress, either. He
was no less masculine than any straight man. He
defied anyone to pick him out of the crowd as gay.

He opened his top drawer and pulled out a

picture. It was a picture of a man with curly dark
hair and a great smile. He was holding a baby. He
was holding him. Thirty-nine-years-old, and dead.

My Father’s Lover

Someone had killed him. Wow, that was heavy.
He put the picture back into the drawer. There
were tears accumulating at the back of his throat.
He pushed them away, crawled back into bed and
tried to sleep.

* * * *

When Sandy returned to the club, the staff were
sitting around, some crying, others drinking. Jason
walked up to him as soon as he walked in,
demanding to know what had happened.

“Didn’t Anthony tell you?” Sandy asked.
The others came closer. “He’s too upset to give

us details,” Hollio replied. “All he said was that
Michael was…well…murdered…last night, out
here and…”

Sandy nodded. “This morning Michael,

Anthony, and I left the club around four o’clock.
After Anthony locked up he went to get the car
and bring it around. I was pretty drunk so
Anthony helped me to the car right away. Michael
waited by the door. He had some stuff he wanted
to bring home from his dressing room, I think. We
heard this noise, loud, and Anthony drove the car
around to the front and there were these guys…”
Sandy’s eyes misted over. “They had baseball bats
and as soon as they saw us, they took off. Michael
was on the ground and…there was

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blood…everywhere. It was too late. Michael had
to be revived in the ambulance, he died several
hours later.” Sandy sobbed into his hands.

The others began to cry and hug each other

again. Suddenly Anthony came out of the office.
He looked at them all standing there, crying. “Stop
this. Michael wouldn’t want you to…”

Jason walked over to Anthony and threw his

arms around him. “I’m sorry. God, Anthony, I’m
so sorry.”

Anthony put his head down now on Jason’s

shoulder for a second. Sandy hoped he would cry.
He was shaking all over. The others gathered
around him and touched him. Anthony’s eyes
filled with tears.

Suddenly Anthony pushed away from them

and walked quickly out of the room. There was
total silence, then, they heard heart-wrenching
sobs. It lasted only seconds, but to the people in
that room, it seemed like an eternity.

* * * *

Later Sandy accompanied Anthony to the police
station. They made the report and left. Luckily, the
police realised how upset Anthony was, and they
didn’t detain him long. They told him they’d be in
touch again soon.

Back at the house, they sat together silently

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drinking. Anthony didn’t want to talk. Finally he
passed out from the liquor. When he woke up late
the next day, Sandy tried to get him to eat. “I
can’t,” he said. “When I’m upset, it goes right to
my gut.” He was trying to smile.

Sandy nodded. “I won’t press you right now,

but you have to promise me you’ll eat something
later.”

“I will.” He threw himself onto one of the living

room chairs. “Did you reach the ingrate?”

Sandy sighed. “If you mean Michael’s son, yes,

but he doesn’t seem to know anything about you.
He didn’t even know that Daniel had died. I don’t
think he’s coming to the funeral.”

“Suits me. I don’t want him to come,” Anthony

snapped. “I only want the people who truly loved
Michael there at his service.”

“There were plenty of those.” Sandy smiled

sadly.

Anthony nodded, placing his face in his hands.

“I’ve got to go to the funeral home.”

“I’ll come with you. I’ll help you.”
“Thanks. Michael made all the funeral

arrangements for himself after Daniel died, so it
won’t be too bad.” Daniel had died in a head-on
collision two Christmases ago. After Daniel had
died, Michael didn’t want to be alone. Anthony
had given up his career playing guitar in Sandy’s
band to come back home and be with him.

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“Are you all right?” Sandy said suddenly.
Anthony shook himself back to reality. “Yes,

sorry. I was just thinking about something. By the
way, did Jason come home last night?”

“No. I don’t think so.”
“I hope he’s okay.”
“I’m sure he is. Maybe he needed space.”
“He tends to go wild when he’s upset. He

probably went to the baths.”

Sandy nodded.
“I’ll go grab a shower. I can’t go to the funeral

home looking like this.”

“Okay. Take your time.”

* * * *

A few minutes later, Jason walked into the room.
He obviously hadn’t slept. “Where’s Anthony?”

“In the shower,” Sandy replied.
“Is he all right?”
“He’s trying hard.” Sandy looked at Jason, so

sweet, so young, and obviously in love with
Anthony. He wondered if Anthony and Jason had
slept together. It was quite obvious that Jason
wanted Anthony. Who in the hell wouldn’t? He
was gorgeous. Sandy couldn’t help but feel a little
threatened by Jason. He was here with Anthony in
this house, while he had to be on the road.

Before Daniel was killed, he was sure that

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Anthony’s feelings were changing toward him.
When Anthony came home to be with Michael, the
distance between them put a stop to whatever
might have been developing. Now it seemed as if
it was strictly friendship between them again.
Michael had clung to Anthony after Daniel died,
and Sandy knew that Anthony felt obligated to be
there for him. Now, Sandy wasn’t sure what
Anthony intended to do. Although it was pure
selfishness on his part, there was now the faintest
hope that Anthony might come back to the band,
and they could pick up where they had left off.

He just hoped Jason wouldn’t take advantage of

this situation, making Anthony feel like he had to
look after him as well.

“Anthony needs me right now,” Jason said,

meeting Sandy’s gaze. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here
for him after you leave.”

“Hmm. And I’m sure you’re more than up for

the task.”

* * * *

Anthony spent the next few days getting
everything prepared for Michael’s service. Sandy
told him he would cancel a few of his gigs in order
to stick around for awhile. Anthony was grateful
for that. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have a good
support system, but it was good to have someone

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around who wasn’t constantly breaking into tears
every time Michael’s name was mentioned. Sandy
had always been his good friend. He was like a
brother, really, and right now he wasn’t sure what
he would have done without him.

Just two days before the funeral, Anthony got a

call from Michael’s lawyer. He came home so
pissed off he could have broken every piece of
furniture in the house.

“What’s wrong?” Sandy asked him as soon as

he came in the door. Sandy and Jason were sitting
together in the living room, watching television.
Sandy threw Jason the remote and stood up.

“I saw Michael’s lawyer today.” Anthony

sighed.

Jason came to stand beside Sandy.
“He contacted that little bastard in New York.”

Anthony went on, slamming his car keys down on
the sideboard. “He has to be here for the reading
of the will.”

“Michael left that shithead something?” Jason

squawked.

“Apparently,” Anthony replied stiffly. “The

lawyer asked me if I could have someone pick him
up at the airport tomorrow. Seems now that
there’s money in the equation, Junior has decided
it’s worth getting his ass here.”

Before the two men could say anything else,

Anthony stalked out of the room.

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Jason looked at Sandy. “He’s not staying here,

is he?”

Sandy shrugged. “I have no idea.”
A few minutes later, Ron and Juan showed up.

They had been at the house often the last few
days, as had Hollio and Karl. Jason made coffee
and Juan leaned over to Sandy and said, “So how
is our boy doing?”

Sandy liked Juan. He was very Spanish, and he

was the most beautiful woman when he was made
up. Ron was a huge black guy with this very high
voice that sounded so sexy when he sang.

“He’s been so busy with everything. Right now

he’s upset about Michael’s son,” Sandy told them.

“Michael’s son!” Juan made a face. “I know

who you’re talking about. He’s one of those
nouveau fags…the ones that believe the only
acceptable fag is the one who appeals to straights,
the one no one suspects is gay.”

“Probably—” Ron laughed. “—keeping up

appearances.”

“So he’s not coming?” Juan mocked. “We

already knew that. He never did come to L.A.
although Michael sent him a ticket once. Poor
Michael, that boy just about broke his heart.”

Sandy made a face. “He is coming. That’s what

Anthony is upset about.”

“Oh,” Ron said, looking shocked.

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Juan looked surprised, too. He pushed back

some of his shoulder-length black hair and looked
at Ron.

“Well, Anthony is exactly the type of fag he’d

approve of.” Ron joked. “He’s the macho,
masculine type that blends into the crowd.”

He looked up suddenly to see Anthony

standing there. Ron got up and went to put his
arms around him. He kissed him on the lips softly.
“You doing all right, honey?”

Anthony smiled at him faintly. “Sure. So I’m

the acceptable fag, am I?”

“Sweetie,” Juan interjected, “you know Ron

didn’t mean anything by it. You’re our alpha male,
baby.”

Anthony laughed. “I’m not insulted.”
“Besides, sweetie, that was what Michael loved

about you. You were such a contrast to his
flamboyant nature. You reminded him so much of
Daniel.” Ron started to cry. He wiped the tears
away. “Sorry, honey. I loved Danny so much.
Now that Michael is gone…” He blew his nose.
“So, why is this kid coming at all? He never cared
about his father before.”

“Hubert called him, Michael’s lawyer.”
Juan shook his head. “Why?”
“Because Michael put him in the will.”
“Why in hell would he do that?” Ron gasped.
Anthony shrugged. “I don’t know, but could

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one of you go pick him up tomorrow at LAX? I
can’t do it.”

Jason was back in the room now. He turned soft

blue eyes to Anthony. “Is he staying here?”

Anthony nodded. “I can’t very well expect him

to stay in a hotel. He is Michael’s son.”

Jason came closer, and touched Anthony’s

hand. “You’re his son, too, and don’t you forget it.
You’re the one who stayed with him after Daniel
died, remembered his birthdays, and…”

Anthony smiled at him. “Thanks, Jason.”
Sandy rolled his eyes.
Anthony left the room.
Ron looked at Jason. “You’re looking to get

your heart broken, kid. If Anthony wanted you, he
would have jumped you by now. Get a clue.”

Jason shook his head. “It’s not like that.”
“No?” Juan mocked. “Tell us how it is, honey?”
Jason sighed. “He needs me right now.”
“Um…yeah, he needs, all right, and do you

think a fuck or two is going to make him forget
that he’s lost the two most important people in his
life within two years of each other?” Ron
demanded.

“You stay out of his bed, Jason,” Juan

cautioned, sounding like a mother.

Sandy looked at Jason now, too. “That’s good

advice.”

“Mind your business. You’d all jump at the

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chance to get into his bed and you know it.”

No one said anything, and that said volumes.
“So who gets to pick up the snooty fag with

attitude tomorrow?” Ron asked, breaking the
silence.

Everyone looked at Juan. “Oh no!” Juan shook

his head. “Not fair.” He sighed. “What time does
the little asshole come in?”

“Two o’clock,” Sandy said.
Juan nodded. “He doesn’t like cross-dressing

fags, eh? Well, let’s give him a time to remember
tomorrow.” He giggled. “Maybe I should show
him how a real fag grooves and change his
attitude!”

* * * *

Michael pulled on jeans and a white tank top, and
grabbed his short beige leather bomber jacket. He
loved this jacket. It was worn out just enough to
look cool. He threw his flight bag over his
shoulder and got into the car.

His mother said nothing all the way to the

airport which suited him fine. He couldn’t believe
that his estranged father had left him anything,
given the fact that he didn’t even know him.
Maybe he was trying to compensate for not being
around.

When they arrived at the airport, his mother

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asked him, “Aren’t you nervous?”

“No, Mom, I’m going to have a little vacation

out in L.A. for a few days, go to a funeral, and
maybe inherit enough money to pay my way
through school. I’m feeling really optimistic.
Besides, it will give me the chance to hit a few gay
bars out in L.A. and check out the men.”

His mother frowned. “Be careful. Michael…”
“Mom, relax.” Michael grinned, kissed her and

got out of the car. “I’ll see you next week, as soon
as I see the lawyer.”

“And what about your father’s lover? How will

you…”

“Look, I’ll be decent to the old queen, okay?

Don’t worry. I’m not nervous about meeting him.”

* * * *

When his father started writing him once he
turned fourteen, he told him about his lover in his
letters but overall, mention of him was brief. He
couldn’t even remember what he’d said his name
was. They were in business together, some kind of
a club that his father performed in, dressing up in
women’s clothes, and lip-synching songs. It was
quite ridiculous, but his father always wrote about
it as if he were proud of it.

On the plane, he closed his eyes and tried to

sleep but he was distracted by the guy sitting

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across from him. Before the flight was over, he
had given him a blow job in the bathroom. When
the flight landed, they said a brief goodbye, and
went their separate ways. Now, that was an
excellent flight.

After arriving at the airport, he picked up his

luggage and looked around. He assumed someone
would be there to pick him up. Suddenly he saw
this person dressed in a bright purple dress with a
blond wig, heavily made up. It was quite obvious
that it was a man. He was holding up a sign that
said, “Welcome to L.A., Michael.” Everyone was
staring at him.

Good God, Michael thought, that was him?

Well, what did he expect?

“Hi, I’m Michael…” he began uneasily.
“I know! I know!” the man screamed loudly,

grabbing and hugging him. “You look just like
your dad. Welcome to L.A., Michael, I’m Juan.”
He gave him a big kiss on the mouth. “Come with
me. Your chariot awaits.”

“Come on. Don’t do that, man,” Michael

protested. “Have some respect, my father’s been
dead less than a week and you want to…”

Juan looked at him. “That shouldn’t bother you,

honey,” he said coldly. “Come on, let’s go to the
parking lot and find the car.”

Michael strolled along behind Juan, trying to

keep a respectable distance from him.

My Father’s Lover

Suddenly, in the parking lot, Juan pointed his

key to a red corvette.

“This your car?” Michael asked, whistling.
“I wish.” He laughed. “It’s a loner.”
“Kind of a macho car for a candy-ass queer like

you.” Michael met his gaze boldly.

Juan grabbed his bag. In a deeper voice, he said,

“You got balls there, kid. I’m almost twelve years
your senior and I guarantee I could whip your
ass.”

Michael blinked, the change in voice tone

throwing him for a minute. He shrugged and said,
“I could do your ass, sweetheart.”

Juan began to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Michael demanded, getting

into the car.

Juan started the engine and looked at him.

“Honey, I was getting my ass done good on Fire
Island when you were still shitting in your
diapers. Don’t make any promises you can’t
keep.”

Michael fell quiet. After a few minutes on the

road, Michael asked, “So where did you and my
father meet?”

“We met on the circuit. We worked the same

clubs,” Juan said, keeping his eyes on the road. He
had met guys like this kid before, uppity little
queers who thought they were God’s gift to men.

DJ Manly

If only he didn’t look so much like his father. It
was almost hurtful to look at him. Handsome little
bugger.

“So that’s when you decided to shack up? How

long were you together?” Michael fiddled with the
radio.

Juan slapped his hand. “I like that station.”
Michael placed his hands in his lap. “So how

long did you and my dad know each other?”

“A long time.”
“You must have made one hell of a sight. Did

you actually go dancing together in drag?”
Michael howled with laughter.

Juan glared at him. “What in hell are you

talking about?”

Michael stopped laughing. “Sorry.”
There was silence as Juan drove.
Michael looked out the window. “So how’s the

nightlife in L.A.?”

“Well, there are the bars and the baths. We all

hang out at a place called Heaven. You should
check it out while you’re here. It’s nothing like
New York.”

“So, you still go to these places?” Michael

looked at him.

“Of course, why not?”
Michael laughed. “So that’s the kind of

arrangement you had. I got the impression it was
like a marriage.”

My Father’s Lover

“Marriage?” he echoed.
“You and my dad,” he repeated, putting on his

sunglasses.

Juan laughed. “It felt like we were married

sometimes, especially in rehearsals. Your dad was
a real slave driver.”

They turned onto Marsden Road. They said

nothing else until Juan pulled to a stop in front of
the massive house.

Michael whistled. “Wow, this is some house.”
Juan threw him his bag.

They walked in together and the first thing

Michael saw was this half naked boy walking
around in a bathing suit…sweet looking with
blond hair and blue eyes. Michael smiled at him.
“Hi, there. You sure know how to decorate the
place.” He glanced at Juan.

Jason gave him a cool look. “You must be

Michael.”

“And you are…” Michael inquired, coming

closer. He held out his hand.

“Jason,” he replied coldly, ignoring the

outstretched hand, and walked out of the room.

Michael stared at him until he disappeared.

“He yours?” Michael asked Juan.

Juan laughed. “Not so far.”
“Did you and Dad share him or something?”
“Me and your dad?” Juan narrowed his eyes. “I

DJ Manly

think you’ve mistaken me with…”

Before he could finish, another man came into

view. He was wiping his face on a towel and
wearing navy nylon shorts and a white tank top
soaked with sweat. He was the most beautiful
man Michael ever seen. He couldn’t take his eyes
off of him.

Jason was there again, a hand on one of the

man’s muscular biceps. “This is Michael,” he said,
tossing his head in his direction.

Michael came closer. He smiled. God, whoever

he was, he was sexy as sin. He had to have that.
“Hi.” He ran his gaze over him, making no
attempt to hide his interest. “Call me Mike. Christ,
if I knew the men out here looked like you, I’d
have come for a visit.”

“Really?” the man replied in a deep voice,

lifting a dark eyebrow.

Michael nodded. “Oh, yeah. Where have you

been all my life, baby?”

The man’s gaze met his, brown, beautiful eyes

filled with sudden fury. “You want to know where
I’ve been all your life, Mike?”

Michael narrowed his eyes, not sure where the

sudden hostility was coming from.

“Most of your life,” Anthony responded softly,

leaning closer, almost touching his lips with his,
“I’ve been here with your father. I’m Anthony.
Welcome to L.A.”

My Father’s Lover

Michael paled. “I…I’m…sorry…I mean…I…

didn’t know who you were. Dad liked them
young, didn’t he?”

Anthony’s face changed. “Pardon me?”
“I thought his lover would be a bit older and…”
Juan laughed out loud.
“I’m not your father’s lover,” Anthony

muttered. “I’m his son.”

“Son?” Michael’s eyes widened. “What in hell

do you mean by son? Dad had another…son?” Oh
my God, was this guy his half-brother?

“Adoptive son. Michael’s lover’s name was

Daniel. Daniel adopted me when I was a
teenager.”

“I…I didn’t know that,” Michael said uneasily.
“How could you?” Anthony bit back bitterly.

“You never came out here to see your father.”

“Where is ah…Daniel ?” Michael looked

around, then, glanced at Juan.

“He died in a car accident two years ago,”

Anthony told him.

Michael fell silent. Then he said, “I didn’t mean

to…well…”

“Come on to me like that? It’s all right, and so

appropriate.”

Michael looked down. Adopted son? Damn, his

father had deserted him and then went and made
himself a new family. How fucking convenient!

“Now listen to me,” Anthony was saying

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gruffly. “You can stay here until we see the
lawyer, but you keep the fuck out of my way. Is
that clear?”

Michael nodded. “Sure, whatever.”
“And you better had brought a suit with you,

because you’re going to the funeral.”

Michael looked up at him, and blinked. “I

haven’t decided yet if I…”

“You will be there, because he was your father.

And if he was good enough to leave you money,
he’s good enough to have his son present at his
service.”

“He was a drag queen who disowned me when

I was born, and from the looks of it, he went out
and got himself a new kid.” Michael burst out. “I
didn’t owe him anything, but he sure as hell owed
me.”

Anthony’s face tightened. “Michael tried to

contact you. He wanted to know you, but it was
you who…” Anthony broke off.

Juan came over and placed a hand on

Anthony’s arm now. “Hey, come on, honey. Your
temper is showing.”

Anthony took a deep breath, lowering his voice.

“You will be there by my side at that funeral for
your father’s sake. After we visit the lawyer, you
can leave. We never have to lay eyes on each other
again.”

“Suddenly you’re in charge. You weren’t even

My Father’s Lover

his blood.” Michael scoffed.

Anthony glared him at him, then turned, and

walked out of the room.

“I’m supposed to show you where you’ll

sleep,” Jason announced suddenly.

“What are you, the house boy?” Michael

mocked.

“No, I’m not the houseboy,” he replied

sarcastically. “Michael and Daniel took me in
awhile back.”

“They sure as hell liked collecting pretty little

boys, didn’t they?” Michael walked up the stairs
to the second floor.

Jason shot him a dirty look. “Fuck you,” he

muttered, leading him to the room on the end.

Michael laughed. “So where does Mr. High and

Mighty sleep?”

“He has a name. It’s Anthony, and he sleeps

down at the other end. And don’t be getting any
ideas about comforting him in the middle of the
night ’cause…”

“…’cause that would be your job?” Michael met

his gaze with a slow smile appearing on his lips.

Jason didn’t reply.
“I wasn’t born yesterday. And don’t worry,

stud, I won’t be encroaching on your territory. I
wouldn’t do that one if he was the last cock on
earth.”

“You are so full of shit. I saw your eyes pop out

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of your head when you saw him.”

Before Michael could answer, Jason

disappeared down the hallway.

Michael put down his bag. As soon as he was

alone, he sat on the bed and closed his eyes, trying
to digest everything. He came here expecting
some awkwardness, but nothing like that. He
thought he’d be greeted by his dad’s lover, not his
adopted son! God damn his father! That Anthony
guy had no rights in all this. HE was Michael’s
biological son. And his father hadn’t even
bothered to let him know that he’d lost his lover,
or had adopted a kid, possibly two. He wasn’t
sure where this Jason guy figured in all this either.

Michael lay down on the bed and closed his

eyes. He wondered if Anthony was really their
adopted son, or was he simply some stud they’d
picked up to party with. He was one hell of a
hunk. He was young, probably in his middle
twenties, and sexy as hell. God knows what went
on with the three of them, not to mention this
Jason guy. They were probably a couple of
perverts who liked young boys.

Michael got up and looked out the window. It

was a beautiful house with a great view. This
could very well end up being his. Michael opened
the bedroom door and walked down the hallway.
He paused at a room just at the top of the stairs.
The door stood open, so he wandered in.

My Father’s Lover

The furniture was all oak…the bed, the

bureaus, and the night tables. The bed was huge
and there were mirrors all around the walls and
on the ceiling, expensive mirrors. Kinky. On the
left was a huge closet, on the right, a bathroom
with shower and hot tub. It was enormous.
Michael peeked in and whistled.

He turned around. He glanced up over the bed

and caught his breath. There was a huge oil
painting hanging there. It was a painting of the
bed below it and two men in it, one of those men
was a man he’d never seen before, probably
Daniel, the other one had to be his father. They
were both naked. His father was being held within
the other man’s arms. He was smiling. It was
breathtaking. They were both extremely attractive
men.

“What are you doing in here?” a voice

demanded suddenly.

Michael turned around to see Anthony

standing there, with only a towel hitched around
his waist.

Michael literally licked his lips. God, what a

body. “Ah, sorry,” he replied, his gaze trying to
settle on anything but him. “I didn’t know
ah…this was off limits. Given the fact that I may
turn out to be the owner of this house, don’t you
think I better get to know it a bit?”

“You really are a smug little bastard, aren’t

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you?” Anthony clenched and unclenched his jaw.

Michael moved closer to him and laughed

slightly. “I’m not being smug at all. Come on,
baby, let’s be honest here. Between you and me,
you guys must have had some hot times in this
room.” He glanced around, looking up at the
mirrors on the ceiling. “You and my dad, his
lover, and that Jason kid. It’s not hard to…”

The blow came so fast he didn’t even see it

coming. It caught him on the left side right below
his eye. “Fuck,” he yelled, stumbling backward.
He raised his hand to his eye, wincing. “What in
hell did you do that for?”

Anthony had a sneer on his lips. “To teach you

some manners.”

My Father’s Lover

Chapter Two

t was the night before Michael’s funeral and
almost everyone from Impressions stopped by

for a drink at the house. They talked about
Michael and Daniel, and about the upcoming
service. There were a few tears.

Michael’s son had made himself scarce, and

every time someone mentioned him, Anthony
changed the subject. “I wanted to tell you all that
I’m upgrading security at the club,” he
announced. He knew people were nervous after
what had happened. “From now on there will be a
security guard on duty at the back and the front,
and I’ve extended their hours until after the club is
closed and everyone is gone.”

“Thanks, honey,” Juan said. “That puts my

mind at ease. There are a lot of crazies out there.”

Anthony reached over and touched his hand.

“Don’t worry. I promise you that you will all be
safe. You have my word.”

DJ Manly

Finally when everyone left and he was alone

with Sandy and Jason on the patio, Sandy came
right out and boldly asked him, “Did you punch
Michael?”

Jason immediately leaned forward in his chair

to listen.

“Yeah, I did,” he said without expression,

lifting a glass of red wine to his lips. “How did
you know?”

Sandy laughed, shaking his head. “I saw him

leave yesterday, an hour or so after he’d arrived.
He looked like he had a black eye.”

Jason gasped loudly. “You slugged him?”
Anthony ignored him. “Did he take his bag?”

he asked Sandy.

“No.”
“Too bad.” Anthony finished the glass, and

refilled it. “Guess I’ll have to hit him harder next
time.”

Jason laughed.
“And I’m telling you all now, I plan to get

plastered, so no nagging from either of you
tonight.”

Sandy met his gaze. “I won’t nag.”
“Drink all you want, baby,” Jason said. “I’m

glad you slugged him.”

“So, care to tell me why you punched him?”

Sandy persisted.

“Well, because he was being an arrogant little

My Father’s Lover

shithead, that’s why.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Jason muttered.
“What did he say?” Sandy wanted to know.
“First, he told me this house was going to be

his, then he practically called Jason and me
prostitutes.”

“What?” Jason hopped out of his seat.
“Relax. I think I set him straight.” Anthony put

a hand up. “I’d rather not get into the details.”

“I’m sorry, Anthony,” Sandy said.
Anthony shrugged.
Jason shook his head. “He thought we were

sleeping with Michael?”

“And with each other, and with Daniel before

he died,” Anthony added.

“Did you?” Sandy asked suddenly.
“Did I what?” Anthony asked.
“Ever?”
“Sleep with Daniel? He was my father for

Christ’s sake.”

“No, not with Daniel. After Daniel died. Did

you and Michael…” Sandy trailed off.

Anthony froze. God, had Michael told Sandy

about that, or was it Jason?

“You don’t have to answer,” Sandy said.
“Did you tell him that?” Anthony glared at

Jason. He had always suspected that he had heard
them that night.

Jason shook his head, but he looked guilty.

DJ Manly

Anthony knew he was lying. “I don’t know
anything about it. Did you sleep with Michael
after Daniel died?”

The question hung in the air. Anthony closed

his eyes. Michael had been so sad, both of them
were sad. They had loved Daniel so much.
Michael needed him, needed the comfort, and
maybe he needed Michael, too. Making love to
Daniel’s lover had made him feel so close to him
again. They had both cried after, sobbed like
babies in each others arms. It had never happened
again. They didn’t even speak of it after. Maybe it
hadn’t meant anything. Maybe it had meant too
much.

“Anthony?” Jason said his name now.
“It’s nothing I care to talk about,” he said stiffly,

getting up and walking back into the house.

He stood in that bedroom gazing up at the

picture of Daniel and Michael for the longest time.
God, they had really loved each other, and they’d
had love to spare, love they gave to everyone
around them. Daniel had been the only father he’d
ever known, and losing him had almost
incapacitated him. He had to stay close to Michael,
because Michael was all he’d had left of Daniel.

Anthony sank down on the bed. How could he

bury Michael tomorrow? He was the last of
Daniel, his father. He probably should have gone
on with his life when Daniel died, but Michael had

My Father’s Lover

needed him so much. Sure, part of it was an
excuse, a chance to run away from Sandy, who he
knew was falling in love with him. Love terrified
him. It had always hurt. He had loved his mother
but she had died when he was seven years old.
After that his father began to drink, and he
pounded his pain out on him. When he’d begun to
sell his body on the streets, love hurt again.
Vicious Johns who had fucked him rough and dry,
knocked him around, and then threw the money
at him, and tossed him out in the cold.

Daniel had been so gentle, so kind, and

although it took him months to begin to trust him,
to really believe that he and Michael didn’t want
sex from him, eventually he came to accept that
love. Now the only two people in the world who
had ever really cared about him were dead.
Something inside of him felt dead as well.

He stood up and walked over to the small bar

in the corner of the room. He took out a bottle of
whiskey and unscrewed the cap. He went to lie on
the bed, the bed where one night he had held
Michael in his arms, telling him that everything
was going to be all right, and he began to drink.
He drank until he could no longer see, until he
could no longer feel anything, until he passed out.

* * * *

DJ Manly

Michael didn’t show up until the service began.
He wore a blue suit which matched the shiner
Anthony had given him. He didn’t come over and
sit with Anthony. Instead, he sat near the middle
among a group of strangers.

Sandy, along with Jason and all the other guys

from the club sat in the front with Anthony, who
wore a black suit and kept his head down.

Many people got up and spoke about Michael,

how kind he was, how talented and generous.
Anthony knew he was expected to say something
but he wasn’t sure if he could get through it.
When the time came, Jason actually stood up with
him and they both went together to the podium to
speak. A huge picture of Michael sat up front. He
was wearing a casual brown sweater, and he was
smiling. Anthony had always liked that picture of
him.

Anthony cleared his throat and looked out over

the crowd. He met Michael’s son’s gaze for a
second, then moved on. God, was that all there
was left of Michael? “I thank you all for coming. I
had a speech prepared but I don’t think I’m going
to say it. I’m just going to say this…” His voice
broke. He felt Jason touch his arm, and he reached
out and squeezed his hand. “Michael had the most
precious heart. He was generous to a fault, funny,
loving, and he was a father to me.” Tears stung his
eyes. “He didn’t deserve to die that way. He

My Father’s Lover

didn’t deserve to…” Anthony clenched his fists.
“I’m sorry,” he said, tears streaming down his
cheeks. “There are so many people here
today…and outside…those who couldn’t get
in…I…” He walked over and placed a hand on
Michael’s picture. “I love you,” he mouthed, then
turned and walked out the side door.

A few minutes later the door opened. Anthony

expected to see Sandy there, but who he saw was
Michael. He looked as if he’d been crying, too. “I
get all choked up at these things.”

Anthony nodded, glancing over at the traffic

zooming down the street in front of the funeral
home.

“There are a lot of people here.”
“Yeah,” Anthony replied.
“Look, I know we…well…I apologise for what I

said. It was out of line.”

Anthony looked up at him. “Okay. I guess I

shouldn’t have hit you.”

“You have one hell of a right hook,” Michael

said.

Anthony nodded.
“So, tell me, what exactly did happen to my

father?”

“He was beaten to death by some gay bashers.”
“I knew it was something like that. I guess I had

to hear it myself. Do they know who did it?”

“Not yet. They probably won’t find them.”

DJ Manly

“You sound like it’s because…”
“In part.”
“Did you see them?”
“Yes, and I guarantee you, I’ll find them.”
Michael looked down for a second. “So, where’s

the reception?”

“At the club. The guys have a show prepared.

Michael would have liked that. You don’t have to
come.”

“I’ll come. Look, we better get back in there.

They’re waiting for us to carry out the coffin.”

“You going to…”
“Yeah. I’ll give you a hand.”
Anthony swallowed, and opened the door,

letting Michael in before him. Michael stood in
back of him when Anthony went to lift the left
front end of the coffin. Jason was on the right side.
Sandy, Juan, Hollio, and Jeff helped out also.

Michael’s coffin was lowered into the ground

right beside Daniel. On his gravestone was
written, “Here lies my eternal love, with whom I
shall soon be reunited.”

The minister said a few words and people

began to leave, throwing roses on the grave as
they went. Anthony and Jason stayed in front of
the grave for a few minutes, their arms around
each other, and Michael stood a few feet away.
Anthony looked over at him, then, pulled Jason
away from the grave. Jason was sobbing. He

My Father’s Lover

talked softly to him as he headed back to the car.
He turned around once to look and noticed that
Michael had moved closer. Anthony got into the
car with Jason and told the driver to take them to
Impressions.

* * * *

The show was a tribute to Michael, with some
videotaped images of former performances. The
guys did some of the personalities Michael loved
to do and the crowd was moved to tears. The food
was catered and Anthony went into manager
mode. It helped to take his mind off everything. It
was going to be later when the pain would seize
him again. Sandy was leaving tonight to join his
band, and it would only be him and Jason. He
wasn’t sure what Michael would do. He would
stay until the reading of the will tomorrow and
then probably be gone.

Anthony had been so busy, he hadn’t even

realised that Michael was there until he felt him
tap him on the shoulder. “Can I help you with
anything?”

“No,” he said. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
“The tribute was great. It gave me a chance to

see my father working.”

“Yeah, well I know you don’t approve so…”
“What time is the meeting with the lawyer

DJ Manly

tomorrow?”

“One in the afternoon.”
“I can get a room tonight if you don’t want me

to stay at the house. It’s okay.”

“Come back to the house. We’ll go together

tomorrow.”

Michael nodded. “Thanks. I’m going to go now.

I’ll ah…try not to get back too late.”

“Doesn’t matter. Just ring the bell. I’ll let you

in.”

He was gone, and for some reason Anthony

was relieved.

* * * *

Sandy was hugging everyone goodbye. Anthony
held onto him for a long time. Before he left,
Sandy said, “Come back to me, Anthony.”

Anthony understood what he was saying. He

had no answer to give him now. It was almost
midnight by the time most people had left. Juan
and Jeff were trying to talk him into opening the
club up sooner.

“Look, I don’t even know who owns this club

any more,” Anthony said. “Let’s wait and see until
after the lawyer’s meeting tomorrow.”

“If you don’t own it, I’m not working here any

more,” Juan said. “If you think I’m working for
that little shit, forget it.”

My Father’s Lover

Anthony pursed his lips and remained quiet. If

Michael inherited the club, everyone could lose
their job. He was sure he’d sell it.

Finally, around one o’clock Anthony went

home alone. Jason went off with some stranger,
which was his style, and Michael was nowhere to
be seen. When Anthony got home, his answering
machine was full. There was a shit-load of
messages from people who knew Michael but for
some reason hadn’t made it to the service, and
some other messages from the media wanting a
story. He switched off the machine and sighed.

The house was deathly silent, and Anthony

knew that the silence was going to punish him
with memories. He wished that Jason would have
come home. At least they could have sat and
talked, but Jason had his own way of dealing with
pain. Maybe he should try it.

He was just about to sit down when the

doorbell rang, and Anthony went to answer it. He
was just a little disappointed to see Michael
standing there, rather than Jason.

“Expecting someone else?” Michael asked.
Anthony let him in. “Jason, I guess.”
“Where is he?”
“Probably getting laid.”
“Ah, I think I saw him.”
“You were at the baths?”
“No, some club called Heaven.”

DJ Manly

Anthony walked back into the living room. “It’s

possible. It’s where we all hang out.”

Michael took a seat. “You, too?”
“Sometimes, when I’m not managing the club.”

Anthony shrugged out of his suit jacket, took off
his tie, and threw himself on the sofa. “I don’t
have a lot of time off.”

“It’s nice, the club.”
“Yeah.”
“Not like the New York gay bars.”
“Uh huh.” Anthony got the distinct impression

that he was trying to make small talk.

“Are you originally from here?”
“Well, Santa Cruz, actually.”
“I like it here. People are wild.”
“It’s California.”
Michael smiled.
“When you smile, you look just like your

father.”

“I noticed that…from the video.”
“He was a great looking man.”
“Thanks. I take that as a compliment.”
Anthony inclined his head.
“I’m better looking without the black eye.”
Anthony laughed slightly.
“I appreciate how much you loved my father.

I…well…I’m having a hard time feeling
something except…resentment.”

“Why resentment?”

My Father’s Lover

“Because you took my place. He just gave up

on me and…”

“That’s not true. You gave up on him. He sent

you a card every year on your birthday. They
came back to him.”

“I…I never saw them.”
“Your mother sent them back I assume. He

stopped eventually, but he wrote you. You wrote
back.”

“Yes, but not what he wanted to hear.”
“No.”
“Perhaps I wasn’t ready to hear him then.”

Michael shrugged. “He left me and now I find out
he found a replacement.”

“He never found a replacement. I was Daniel’s

son really, only Michael’s by default.”

“Why did Daniel adopt you?”
“He always wanted a son, I guess.”
Michael sighed. “Well, I think I’ll go to bed. I’ve

booked a flight out already for tomorrow night.
Do you think someone could take me to the
airport?”

“I’ll take you.”
“Thank you. I don’t know if I could stand going

with that Juan fellow again.”

Anthony smirked. “It was an exaggeration.

He’s a good guy.”

“A little joke at my expense, I realised that,” he

said, standing up. “Goodnight, Anthony.”

DJ Manly

“Goodnight, Michael.”
“Mike, okay?”
“Goodnight, Mike.” Anthony felt a momentary

sense of sadness for him. He closed his eyes and
imagined Michael being reunited with Daniel
tonight. It gave him comfort, and he fell asleep.

* * * *

Sandy called Anthony around ten the next
morning to find out how he was doing. “Fine. I
spoke with Mike last night, and we’ve established
an uneasy peace.”

“Mike?”
“It’s what he wants me to call him. Jason came

home around six this morning. He looked like
hell. He’s taking it hard.”

“Are you worried about today?”
“Not worried, but a little anxious. I don’t care if

Michael left everything to his kid, but I don’t want
to see Impressions disappear.”

“Michael was smarter than that.”
“Yeah, well, I hope so. Look, I got to go, Mike is

coming down and I should offer him some
breakfast.”

“I’ll call you soon. Love you, Anthony, and

we’ll talk.”

“Yeah, okay,” Anthony said, and hung up. That

was one talk he could wait for.

My Father’s Lover

* * * *

Michael couldn’t believe that Anthony made him
breakfast. Obviously the guy had to realise that he
was about to lose everything. Surely, in
compensation for abandoning his only son,
Michael had left him the majority of what he had.
Of course he might have left Anthony a little
something, and even if he didn’t, he was willing to
give him a little something to remember his father
by. It was only right.

They left shortly after breakfast, Anthony

telling him that it took some time to get to the
lawyer’s office. There was a lot of traffic, and as it
turned out, they made it there with only ten
minutes to spare.

Hubert Collins came out to greet them. Michael

was a little surprised to see how friendly Anthony
was with his father’s lawyer. “Anthony, I was so
sorry to hear about Michael. Any leads in the case
yet? I hope they catch the little bastards.”

“Nothing yet. Hubert, this is Michael Fulton…”
“Donaldson, I go by Donaldson. I’m Michael’s

son.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Donaldson. You

resemble your father a lot. Come into to my office.
I was your father’s lawyer…well, the family
lawyer really.” He smiled at Anthony. “I signed

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the final papers for Daniel when he adopted
Anthony.”

“I see,” Michael said. So, it was true. His

father’s lover had legally adopted him.

“Well, I’m going to try to explain this, the best I

can. It’s a little unorthodox.”

“In plain language,” Michael requested.
He smiled. “All right, when Daniel died,

everything went to Michael as you know,
Anthony, but there were conditions set forth so
that when Michael died, a share of Daniel’s assets
went to you. You did know this?”

“Yes,” he said.
“Well, that hasn’t changed. Michael didn’t

touch Daniel’s money. He reinvested it for you, so
we can talk about that later in private if you’d like,
since it has nothing to do with Michael’s assets.”

“Of course.”
“Now, there is the matter of the house, which of

course, Anthony, goes to you, but Michael and
Jason have a right to reside in that house for as
long as they choose.”

Anthony nodded.
Michael shifted a bit in his seat. It appeared that

his father wasn’t going to try and make up for his
negligence. “Excuse me,” Michael said. “I am his
biological son. Doesn’t that count for…”

“A will is a will,” Mr. Collins said. “Blood has

no bearing. Your father could have left everything

My Father’s Lover

to a cat, and that would have been legally binding
if it was properly done.”

“Wonderful,” Michael sneered.
“Can we move on?” Anthony said.
“Okay, in the matter of the club. Anthony, he

has left you with fifty-one percent interest, and
Mr. Donaldson, you now own forty-nine percent.”

“What in hell good is that?” Michael barked.
Both Anthony and Mr. Collins looked at him.
“Do you have any idea how much that club is

worth?” Mr Collins asked.

“Then we’ll sell it,” Michael said, looking at

Anthony.

“Over my dead body.” Anthony glared at him.
“Well, then so be it.” Michael threw back.
Anthony snarled something at him under his

breath.

“Please, gentlemen. Mr. Donaldson, you cannot

sell the club unless both parties agree. And there’s
more.

“The both of you must agree to actively

participate in the managing of the club, or your
share is forfeited to the other. There is a time…”

“Explain,” Michael demanded, cutting him off,

as Anthony narrowed his eyes.

“If you don’t stay and help manage the club

with Anthony, he gets your share.”

“That’s not right,” Michael said. “I’m held

hostage.”

DJ Manly

“It’s the stipulation of the will,” Collins told

him.

“It’s bullshit. That’s what it is.”
Anthony started to laugh. “It’s ingenious.”
“Buy me out. I’ll sell you my shares,” Michael

said.

Collins interjected. “A buyout is only possible

in two years.”

“Okay—” Michael sucked in some breath.

“—there must be money. If there’s enough money,
I’ll take it and just give him the dump. How much
money is there?”

Mr. Collins thumbed through his papers.

“There is a trust fund for Jason Martindale.
Anthony, you are trustee of that. He must go
through you to get the money until he’s
twenty-one.”

“Other money?” Michael insisted.
“A trust fund in your name as well.”
Michael nodded. “Okay.”
“To be administered by Anthony, since you

have not yet reached the age of twenty-one.”

“What?”
Anthony started to laugh again.
Michael threw him a dirty look. “I am an adult.

He can’t do this to me.”

“I’m afraid he did,” Mr. Collins replied. “You

may read it if you like here in the will. Of course,
you will be paid a salary for managing the club

My Father’s Lover

which Anthony will…”

“Anthony is in charge of everything, it looks

like.” He stood up. “I plan to contest this will.”

“You can, but you won’t win. All profits from

the club will go in your trust fund, Mr. Donaldson.
If you are patient, in two years you will be a very,
very rich young man. I don’t think you realise
how much Impressions is really worth.”

* * * *

Michael was so infuriated that he didn’t even stay
to hear the end of what the lawyer was saying. He
couldn’t stand to look at Anthony any more,
sitting there laughing. Him, manage a drag club!
My God, what would his friends say? It was
totally against everything he stood for. Why in
hell had his father done this? It wasn’t fair. It
wasn’t fair at all.

He took a long walk, finally deciding that he’d

better go back to the lawyer’s office to find
Anthony because he didn’t know where he was, or
how to get back.

Anthony was waiting outside and he didn’t

look happy. “Where in hell have you been? I’ve
been waiting here for close to an hour.”

“I took a walk. Look, this is unacceptable. Are

you happy with having to be my goddamned
babysitter?”

DJ Manly

“I am not your babysitter. Look, let’s go home

and maybe I can explain this to you a little more.”

“I understand everything perfectly,” Michael

muttered, getting into the passenger seat of
Anthony’s red corvette.

“I don’t think you do. I don’t think you realise,”

Anthony said, getting into the driver’s seat, “just
how rich your father has just made you.”

Michael sighed. “I don’t think you realise this

means I have to move out here. I have to live with
you, help run a club that is against everything I
stand for, and…”

“This shit you spout off about, I don’t

understand it.” Anthony shook his head. “What in
fuck gives you the right to judge everyone else?”

“Look, you’re gay, right? I mean I don’t know

for sure but…”

“Yes, I’m gay. Your point is?”
“You’re a very masculine guy. There is nothing

effeminate about you.”

“That’s supposed to be a compliment?”
“Yes, it is. You don’t have to act girlie to fuck a

guy.”

“And that’s good?” Anthony demanded,

screeching to a halt at a red light.

The car jerked backward, causing Michael to

grip the dashboard. “Yes, it’s a good thing because
we can still be gay and…”

“And blend into the crowd? Look, that’s a hang

My Father’s Lover

up of yours but it’s not mine. Personally, I don’t
give two shits what homophobes think of me, and
you shouldn’t either. Female impersonators don’t
degrade the gay community. It’s guys like you
who degrade the gay community because of your
narrow-minded, homophobic bullshit, and
fucking macho insecurities. And it’s sexist, too. It
degrades women.”

Michael blinked. “Are you calling me

homophobic? I’m gay, for Christ’s sake, and proud
of it. And I respect women.”

“You might be gay, but you still can be

homophobic, and from where I sit,” Anthony said,
roaring back out into traffic again, “you’re
certainly not proud of it.”

“Yes, I am proud.” How dare he say he was

ashamed of his sexuality? He was the first to stand
up and declare that he was gay.

“You are intolerant of diversity, and proud of

being a gay guy that can pass for straight. That’s
what you’re proud of.”

“You can pass for straight.”
“It’s not the point.”
“Why don’t you act more effeminate then, if

you’re so gung-ho on diversity?”

“Why should I be someone I’m not, to please

you?”

“I didn’t say it would please me. I

said…anyway, this discussion isn’t getting us

DJ Manly

anywhere. You’re pig-headed.”

Anthony glanced at him. “Me?”
“Yes, you! You just don’t want to see what I’m

trying to say, and you should, especially after
what happened to my father.”

Anthony muttered something under his breath,

and then abruptly brought the car to a halt at the
side of the curb.

“What? What is this?” Michael said.
“Don’t make me blacken your other eye.”
“This time I’ll be ready.” Michael glared at him.
“Get out.”
“Get out and go where?”
“I don’t give a fuck. Just get out. I don’t want to

be around you right now.”

“Fine. I’ll take a cab back to the house, which

should belong to me.”

“Out!”
Michael opened the door of the car and got out,

then slammed it with all his might. He watched as
Anthony yanked the car in reverse, did a U-turn in
the middle of the road, and took off.

He saw a small greasy spoon at the corner, so

he went in and ordered a cup of coffee. He had to
have some time to think about all this. It was a lot,
and he wasn’t sure he understood it all. He owned
almost half a drag club, and he was obligated to
live here and help manage that club if he was
going to derive any benefit from it. He couldn’t

My Father’s Lover

sell it. The only thing he could do was give it all to
Anthony. That wasn’t going to happen. He had a
trust fund and he was going to get paid. The
downside of that was he was under Anthony’s
thumb for the next two years. That was a long
time to be around a guy who he clearly didn’t get
along with. Michael finished his coffee and hailed
a cab, and headed back to the house.

* * * *

“So, is he leaving or what?” Jason asked Anthony
when he came through the door.

Anthony put up a hand, looking weary. “Not

now, Jason. Give me a minute or two, then, we’ll
talk.”

“What about the club, this house, will we have

to move?” Jason insisted, following him through
the house.

“Jason,” Anthony snapped, rubbing his

temples, “I’m tired and I have a headache. Can
you please…”

“I can help,” Jason said quickly, as Anthony

went to sit on the sofa. He came around behind
him and beginning to rub his temples. “I’m really
good at that.”

“Jason,” Anthony began to protest, but then the

sensation of his fingers rubbing his temples began
to soothe him, and he closed his eyes. “That’s

DJ Manly

nice.”

A few seconds later, he heard a voice say

caustically. “Well, isn’t this cosy? Why don’t you
guys take over the master bedroom? I’ll take a
naked picture of the two of you to hang over the
bed.”

Anthony opened his eyes, and pushed Jason’s

hands away. “Give it a rest, Mr. Donaldson, or
whatever in hell you call yourself these days. Did
you have a nice walk?”

“I took a cab,” Michael said, looking at Jason.

“You must have told him about his trust fund. He
seems anxious to earn it.”

“Trust fund? What trust fund?” Jason asked.
“I’ll tell you in a minute you in a minute. Don’t

go anywhere because we need to talk.”

“Should I get out my boxing gloves?”
Anthony sighed. “No. I don’t want to fight. I

want to talk.”

“Okay, whenever you want. I’m going upstairs.

I need to make some phone calls and cancel my
flight.”

“You’re staying?” Jason gasped.
“Yeah, I am. I can see that you’re not happy

about that…thought you could have him all to
yourself, did you?”

Jason turned to Anthony as soon as Michael

disappeared. “What’s happening, Anthony?”

“Sit down, Jason. I’ll tell you all about it.”

My Father’s Lover

Jason sat down on the sofa across from him. He

seemed so young, and right now Anthony felt a
hundred years old. “Michael left a trust fund for
you. I’m supposed to manage it until you turn
twenty-one. If you need money and it’s
reasonable, then I’ll get it for you.”

“Do you mind if I ask how much?”
“One hundred thousand dollars, and if you

leave it there, it will grow quite a bit. We can talk
about that.”

“Wow, I’m stunned.”
“He loved you.”
“I loved him,” Jason said, tears in his eyes.

“What about the club?”

“I own it jointly with Michael.”
“You’re partners?”
“I have one percent more…gives me a little

more power, but not much. We’re obligated to run
it together, unless we agree to sell it.”

“Sell it?”
“Don’t worry. I won’t sell and he can’t, without

my consent.”

“Do you want to run that club for the rest of

your life though, Anthony?”

“No. If I thought he wouldn’t sell, I’d give him

my shares but I know the moment I do that, the
club will die. I can’t do that to Michael. So, things
will stay the way they have been until I can see a
way out. We can’t do anything anyway for two

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years.”

“Sandy thought you’d go back on the road with

him.”

“I’d like to, but I can’t, not now.”
“Well, the nice thing is I’ll have you around.”
“Yeah, I’m stuck here. Oh, and Jason, you can

stay in this house for as long as you want. So don’t
think you have to leave.”

“It might not be pleasant with him here.”
“Well, we’ll make do. So, if you’ll excuse me,

I’m going upstairs to talk to him now. We have a
lot to talk about.”

“When will Impressions open again?”
“Next weekend, I think. Why don’t you go and

let the other guys know the news?”

“They’ll be happy that you still own the club.”
Anthony nodded and headed upstairs.

When Anthony knocked on the door, Michael

told him to come in. He gave him the once over
and told him to sit down.

Anthony took the chair by the door. “This used

to be my room when I first came here. I spent a lot
of time looking out that window.”

“Wanting to escape?”
“Sometimes. I wasn’t used to being in a home

where I didn’t have to duck every minute.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Anthony shrugged. “Not important. Anyway, if

My Father’s Lover

you want to move into Michael’s room, you can.
We can redecorate and…”

“No. Why don’t you take it?”
Anthony shook his head.
“Let’s leave it then.”
“Okay. Look, Michael, I realise that this isn’t a

comfortable situation for either of us.”

“Then why don’t we sell and get it over with? It

would solve all our problems and…”

“You have no idea what that place meant to

your father, but I do. I can’t sell it, not unless I can
be assured that Impressions will live on. It is
Michael’s legacy.”

“And you want to waste your life managing

that club? I heard someone say you were a
musician. You were on the road with that Sandy
guy, who’s clearly in love with you, by the way.”

Anthony was silent for a moment. “When

Daniel died, Michael needed me.”

“Michael is dead now.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that everything

about him should die, too. Goddamn it all.”

“You’re angry again.”
“Yes, I am. I’m angry that Michael had to bleed

to death in an alley, and I’m angry that you think
he invited that.”

“I didn’t say that.”
“You implied it, and there’s something about

you…I don’t know what…but…”

DJ Manly

“You have a similar effect on me.”
“That’s why we have to find a way to make this

work, and selling the club wouldn’t solve
everything. There is still the matter of your trust
fund.”

“You could pull the strings long distance.”
“Interesting choice of words.”
“So, if I want ten grand, do I have to suck your

cock?”

“Are you for real?” Anthony gasped.
Michael laughed. “It was a joke.”
“It wasn’t funny. If it’s reasonable, you’ll have

the money. As the trustee, I have a responsibility
to make sure you don’t just fritter Michael’s
money away. Plus, you’ll make a good salary
managing the club, not to mention the profits, so
you shouldn’t have to touch any of the money in
your trust fund.”

“What kind of money are we talking?” Michael

asked curiously.

“Manager’s salary, around forty thousand a

year. Profits vary but I’ll show you the figures
from the last two years. We’ll have to split them
now.”

“Fifty-one—forty-nine?”
Anthony sighed. “Something like that. The

accountant will take care of it all.”

“What in hell do I know about managing a drag

club?”

My Father’s Lover

“Probably as much as I knew when I took over

for Daniel, not a lot. That’s why we have work to
do. I think we should open the club next weekend,
that would give us three days. Come in with me
tomorrow. I’ll begin to show you the ropes.
Eventually, we can probably take turns. There’s no
reason why we both have to be there all the time
after you learn how to take over.”

There was silence.
Anthony stood up.
“What time tomorrow?” Michael asked.
“After lunch is fine. The club will be empty. Did

you make your phone calls?”

He nodded. “My mother is freaking.”
“What about the boyfriend?”
“Don’t have one. Have several lovers, should I

call them all you think?” There was a cocky grin
on his face.

“That’s up to you,” Anthony replied absently.

He was about to leave when Michael said, “So,
will it be Sandy or Jason? Jason has my vote. He
sleeps down the hall.”

“How about you keep your mind on learning

the business? It’s far more productive.”

“Maybe, but a hell of a lot less interesting.”
Anthony left without any further comment on

the matter.

Michael walked over to the window, the one

that Anthony had spent so much time looking out

DJ Manly

of. His life was changing right before his eyes, and
he really didn’t have much say in it. He could just
walk away, but the cost was high, too damn high.
He couldn’t help but wonder where this was all
going to lead.

My Father’s Lover

Chapter Three

ichael’s head was spinning. “TMI,” he said
to Anthony.

“Which means?” Anthony lifted a dark

eyebrow.

“Too much fucking bloody information.”
“No, that would be T M FBI.” He grinned.
“Smart ass,” he replied.
They had been at this since ten that morning

and it was already three in the afternoon. Michael
didn’t expect the club to be so big. Impressions
was capable of holding at least four hundred
seated guests. There was a dance floor, a full bar,
two complete dressing rooms, and an office for the
manager. In the back, there was a full stockroom, a
service entrance, and a lounge. It had taken at
least twenty minutes for Anthony to give him the
tour. Then they had spent another three hours
pouring over books full of figures, which Michael
quickly lost interest in. “Can we eat now? I’m

DJ Manly

starved.”

“I can order something in, if you’d like.”
“Yeah, okay. Pizza would be okay.”
“What kind?”
“Ah, anything without meat.”
“Vegetarian, eh?”
“Not always.” Michael grinned, giving him a

meaningful look.

Anthony lifted an eyebrow, but he didn’t

comment.

“Pizza sounds great.” Michael watched as

Anthony reached over to trace the number on the
wall with his finger for the pizza delivery place,
then, walked out of the office. He scanned the
room where the bar and stage were situated. He
could picture his father up there on that stage
now. It had been weird watching those video clips
of him. He and his father looked so much alike,
but God, he couldn’t see himself in a dress. He
wondered why in the hell any man would want to
do that. From what Anthony showed him today in
the dressing room, it looked like pain and
torture…the waxing and plucking, those high
heels and tight girdles. Jesus.

And imagine him running a drag club! He had

tried to explain it to his mother last night but she
really didn’t get what he was saying, or she didn’t
want to acknowledge it. She just wanted to know
when he was coming home. He told her he didn’t

My Father’s Lover

know.

“The pizza is on its way.” Anthony appeared

suddenly.

“Good. I’m starved.”
“You looked deep in thought there. I know it’s

a lot to digest.”

“Yeah, it is.” Michael watched him as he

walked over to the stage. They had been working
together all morning, and it hadn’t made him any
less immune to those good looks of his. Anthony
could be charming as well. When he was
explaining things to him today about how to order
supplies, and keep the books, he had paused once
in awhile to smile at him. It had been quite
devastating. He couldn’t help but be curious about
his newfound stepbrother, if he could even call
him that. He didn’t appear to have a boyfriend,
although it was clear that Jason and Sandy were
both crazy in love with him.

“Your father was good at what he did, and he

loved it,” Anthony said, gazing at the stage.

Michael looked over at him. “No offence, but

why in hell would any man want to do that?”

“Your father was an entertainer.” Anthony

shrugged, turning toward him now.

“Effeminate men are…”
“Before you start lecturing, let me tell you, your

father wasn’t effeminate at all. When he wasn’t
working, he was as masculine as any man.”

DJ Manly

“But he was gay.”
“So? Hollio is straight.”
“He is?”
“Yep.”
“Or in the closet?”
Anthony laughed. “Don’t say that to him. He’s

been married three times.”

“I don’t know any woman who’d accept that.”
“You don’t get out much.”
Michael’s mouth opened, then, closed. He

laughed. “Hey.”

Anthony smiled at him, one of those smiles.
“So we agree to disagree. You won’t get me to

change my mind.”

“Fine, but if you’re going to manage this club,

you’ll keep your opinions to yourself. The clients
don’t share your views, thank goodness. We’d be
out of business.”

Michael nodded. “Fair enough. I won’t mention

it again.”

“Okay. Just think of it as good business, just

like our arrangement.”

Michael understood that one, loud and clear.

“So, we call a truce?”

“I think it’s essential that we establish a good

working relationship. If you’re planning to live at
the house, we can work out some rules which will
be beneficial to both of us.”

“I was going to live at the house, unless…”

My Father’s Lover

“You have the right to live there. I have no

problem with it.”

“What about Jason?”
“What about Jason?”
“Well, he obviously wants you, and he sees me

as a threat.”

Anthony froze for a moment. “Where in hell

did that come from?”

“I’ve noticed stuff.”
“You’ve only been here three days.”
“I’m observant. He’s cute. Why don’t you go for

it?”

“Why don’t you—” Anthony paused, his voice

laced with anger. “—mind your own fucking
business?”

Michael shrugged. “A little sensitive about it,

aren’t you?”

“I’m not sensitive about…” He stopped, then,

he gave a little laugh. “I promised myself I
wouldn’t let you get to me today, so I won’t.
Think what you like. It makes no difference to
me.”

He walked off, leaving Michael with a smile on

his lips. For someone who claimed not to be
sensitive, he sure jumped on him fast about Jason.

* * * *

Twenty minutes later they were sitting across

DJ Manly

from each other at one of the tables eating pizza.
Anthony had opened a bottle of red wine. He
poured them each a glass. “Are you Italian,
Anthony?” Michael asked suddenly, anxious to
break the silence.

“Three quarters or something,” he said

amicably, taking a bite of the pizza. He seemed to
have forgotten his anger.

“Yeah, the name gave it away, but you don’t

look Italian.”

“My great-grandfather was Italian on my

father’s side, but my grandmother was Irish. My
mother was of Irish descent, too, I think. What
about you? I know Michael was Ukrainian. What
about your mother?”

“I have no idea. I think her ancestors came over

on the Mayflower, Irish or Scottish, I think. I’ve
never really cared to find out.”

“Really? I find that stuff interesting,” Anthony

said. He refilled their wine glasses. “So, what’s
your stepdad like?”

“A nice guy. He’s an accountant, pretty

conservative actually, but okay with me being
gay.”

“That’s good.”
“I came out at twelve. He thinks it’s

hereditary.”

“Maybe it is.” Anthony laughed.
“Could be.”

My Father’s Lover

They sat drinking for awhile, making small talk,

both aware of the lingering silence all around
them.

“This place is filled with ghosts,” Anthony said

suddenly, spilling the last of the contents of the
bottle into his glass.

“I suppose it would be for you,” Michael

commented, noticing the square line of Anthony’s
jaw, the deep brown shade of his eyes. He studied
the strong fingers curled around the stem of the
wine glass, and was captivated by how the wine
lay glistening on his full bottom lip. “Tell me
about how you came to live with my father and
his lover,” he asked him, propelling himself out of
his sudden fixation.

Michael was surprised when Anthony said, “I

don’t think so.” He put down his empty glass,
leaned back in his chair, and folded his arms
across his chest.

“That’s a defensive pose.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah, it is. It’s basic body language, beginner’s

level.”

“And what else is my body language telling

you, Michael?” He gave him the finger.

“Don’t think I want to repeat it actually.”
“You’re a clever boy.”
“Clever I’ll accept, boy, well, I haven’t been a

boy in a long time.”

DJ Manly

“Ah, I detect a sexual connotation to that one.

Are you telling me getting laid makes you a
man?”

Michael smiled. “It helps. The first time is

usually pretty brutal though, a rite of passage.
Thank God it’s so worth it.”

Anthony didn’t comment. Instead he looked

around the room.

“So, why don’t you want to tell me about

coming to live with my father and his lover? Are
you afraid I might find out the truth?”

“The truth? The truth according to Michael?”

Anthony smirked a little.

“Michael was an archangel. Did you know

that?”

“Yes, I did know that, but you’re no angel.” He

met his gaze.

Michael smiled. He felt his heart thudding in

his chest for some reason. “So, if you’re not a
fraud, tell me the story.”

“It’s none of your business, actually.” Anthony

sat up again in his chair and began to close the
pizza box.

Michael reached out and put a hand on his arm.

Anthony paused. “Yes, it is my business, given
that you got over half of what really should
belong to me.”

Anthony tilted his head, taking his hand away

from the box. He stood up. “Do you really think

My Father’s Lover

you deserved anything, considering you
practically ignored your father?”

There was no response.
“You know,” Anthony continued, “I’d give you

the house and this club if I was sure you’d do the
right thing. You could have everything. Do you
think this is what I really want to do with my
life?”

Michael knew he was angry, but that didn’t

convince him that he wasn’t on the right track
with this stuff. “A guy who looks like you, how
easy was it to seduce a couple of old queens?”

Anthony sighed. “First of all, Daniel and your

father weren’t old. Secondly, I was twelve when
Daniel brought me home, and Daniel might have
been a lot of things, but he was no pedophile.”

“Twelve?”
“And since you insist on knowing, I was living

on the streets, selling my ass on the street corner. I
was literally frozen half to death when Daniel
found me.”

Michael looked stunned.
“You want the story, here it is. It was two days

before Christmas. Daniel had come out of the
jewellery store at the corner of Hollywood
Boulevard. He had bought an engraved watch for
your father. I tried to pick him up. He brought me
here,” Anthony said, looking around as if it were
only yesterday. “Your father was up there on that

DJ Manly

stage when we came in.” Anthony pointed, then,
walked over to it. “He was singing You Made Me
Love You, and at that time, I thought he was the
most ridiculous thing I’d ever seen.” Anthony
laughed a little. “I remember thinking, ‘I hope I
don’t have to do him, too.’”

Michael swallowed.
“Daniel wrapped me in a blanket and laid me

on that old sofa in the office. He brought me
sandwiches. I think I swallowed them whole. I
was sure I’d have to pay him back, but I didn’t
mind because he was so handsome. I even started
taking off my clothes, and he stopped me.” He
paused and looked at Michael. “He didn’t want
anything from me. He gave and gave until I began
to trust him, and eventually he and Michael were
my family. So if you want this club, take it, but
only if you swear to me you won’t sell it away to
someone who will erase the memory of Michael
and Daniel, because I can’t let you do that. In
fact—” He paused and fixed him with a stare. “—I
won’t let you do that.”

“Anthony,” he began, but he had turned his

back. Michael stood up and went to place a hand
on his shoulder.

He moved away. “Don’t. Forget it.” His voice

sounded thick with emotion. “I think we’ve had
enough for the day. Let’s get out of here.”

My Father’s Lover

* * * *

Anthony drove home by himself, watching the
people as they scurried out of the rain. It was well
after six o’clock, and already the usually crowded
streets looked lonely. Michael made some excuse
to him about having stuff to do. It suited him fine.
He wasn’t exactly looking forward to driving
home with him. Perhaps that’s why Michael had
done it, to give him an out. Who knew? Who cared
really?

He was feeling low, and that argument with

Michael didn’t help. It seems all they could do was
argue. He thought that once he went back to the
club, it would ease the pain, help him somehow to
get on with things. He was almost grateful for
having to show Michael the ropes…almost.

When he thought about what was written in

that will, he had to admit that it was clever. Not
only had Michael brought his son back to him, he
had ensnared him in such a way that he couldn’t
help but come to know something about who he
was. And maybe there was even a little
punishment in there for good measure. His son
was now being forced to run a club he didn’t
approve of, and if he wanted to make money, he’d
just have to hold his nose and keep his mouth shut
about it.

But what about me? Did Michael even think

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about what this arrangement would do to him if
he died as young as he had? Although Michael
couldn’t have anticipated losing his life before
Jason or his son reached the age of twenty-one, he
hadn’t considered how much responsibility that
put on him if it did happen that way. It wasn’t
fair. And on top of it all, Michael knew he
wouldn’t walk away, not because of the money.
God knows, he couldn’t care less for that. He had
accumulated enough money in the last few years
to last him a lifetime, and there was what Daniel
had left him. No, Michael knew that he had too
much honour for that, and he also knew how
much he loved him. The same way he knew his
son would remain out of greed, he knew that he
would remain out of love. Heaven only knew
what in hell was going to happen once the two
years were up.

Anthony pulled up into the driveway with a

sigh. He hit the automatic door opener and rolled
into the garage. He waited for it to close, then took
the side door into the house. He smelled
something cooking as soon as he stepped into the
kitchen. Jason was standing over the stove in his
bare feet, wearing only a pair of jean shorts. He
looked around when Anthony walked in and
smiled. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Anthony replied. “What’s all this?”
“Dinner. I thought we’d have…where is

My Father’s Lover

that…Michael character?”

“He’s out.” Anthony walked into the kitchen.

“What are you cooking?”

“Your favourite. Chicken parmesan.”
“God, Jason. I didn’t even know you could

cook.”

Jason laughed. “Well, I can. I used to watch

Michael all the time. He loved to cook. Dinner will
be ready in about a half hour. Will you go
downstairs to the wine cellar and choose the
wine? White, I think.”

“Sure.”
“Oh, and Juan called, something about one of

his costumes for Saturday night. He got it back
from Hilda and he’s complaining about the
sequins or something.”

Anthony grinned. “Back to normal, I see. I’ll go

get a bottle from downstairs and call him. Hand
me the portable, will you?”

Jason handed him the phone. “Wait until you

see what I made for dessert.”

Anthony shook his head, patted his stomach,

and took the phone. He headed down to the wine
cellar and dialled Juan.

* * * *

“So maybe you went too far,” the voice on the
other end said to Michael on his cell phone as he

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put down a ten-dollar bill and pulled his vodka
tonic across the bar.

“Hey, you haven’t seen this guy. It’s kind of

hard for me not to think of him as anything but a
con artist. Then today he tells me he was a child
prostitute.”

“Damn,” Evan, one of his friends back in New

York, replied on the other end.

“Damn is right. How do I know he didn’t force

my father to sign over…”

“Mike, you don’t know. Maybe you’ll never

know, but it’s too late now. You didn’t fare too
badly from what you tell me.”

Michael turned around and leaned against the

bar, watching the men parading past. “Yeah, I
know, but I’m caught by the balls for two years.
Anyway, enough of that talk. You know, I went to
a great place for supper tonight. Spent three hours
there, eating chicken that you could die for. The
ribs were sensational, too. I could get used to stuff
out here. And this bar I’m in now, it’s called
Heaven. There’s a back room that looks like
paradise, man. You got to come out here. The
men, well, um. Let’s just say the bar was aptly
named.”

“Mike, focus. You did good, right, in the money

department?”

“Yeah, I’m rolling in dough, only problem is,

like I said, this Anthony guy controls everything.”

My Father’s Lover

“For only two years though.”
“Yeah, but we don’t get along. It’s going to

seem like ten.”

“Well, it’s worth waiting it out, right? Mike?”
“Yeah, it is. Listen. I definitely got to go. Just

saw something I liked…a lot, and he’s heading for
the back room. Got to get in there before someone
else beats me to him.”

“Okay, go for it, stud. Call soon.”
“You’re coming out, you and Dougie?”
“Say the word. I remember that little threesome

we had. God, that was hot.”

“Yeah, I want to do it again, man. There’s a

great hot tub at the house. Okay, that’s it, talk
later,” Michael said goodbye, and hung up. That
guy he had just spotted had disappeared. He put
his cell phone in his pocket and walked through
the crowd of men, and headed straight for the
back room.

The doorway was separated from the rest of the

bar by a string of heavy beads. As Michael moved
them aside, he thought about how much he
needed to just let loose. The last few days had
been extremely tense, and his stomach had been
acting up. He knew there was a lot he kept
beneath the surface, a lot which he didn’t even
want to take out and look at.

The lighting dimmed considerably as he found

himself on the other side of the room divider. His

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ears were suddenly filled with the sounds of men
grunting with pleasure, or whimpering,
pleading…it was like a symphony. Now if he
could just find that hot looking man he’d seen
walk in here. Although he had only seen him from
a distance, there was no mistaking that he was tall,
with a great ass, and long, shiny dark hair. He had
the body of a god. He had to be here somewhere,
unless someone had already snapped him up.
Guys with bodies like that weren’t alone long.

Michael’s eyes adjusted to the faint light, and

now he could make out bodies, some of them
naked, others half dressed. Some men in two’s,
some in three’s, others were just wandering
around, checking each other out. He forged on,
stopping to admire the men he passed on the way.
None of them was the one he was looking for.
Then, he stopped, and caught his breath as he saw
him standing there against the wall. Although he
couldn’t quite make out his features, he
recognized the body build. There were two guys
heading straight for him, but Michael knew he
wanted that, and he didn’t intend for anyone to
get in his way.

He brushed past one of the guys, and walked

straight up to the one he wanted, who was pressed
against the wall. He reached out and placed a
hand on his groin. Yes, it was direct, but the
message was clear. “Hello,” he said. “I saw you

My Father’s Lover

come in here and…I thought that you had a great
ass. I have to have that ass. I have to have you.”

“To do what, exactly?”
That voice. Michael knew that voice. He

blinked, then, hastily removed his hand from his
groin. “Jesus Christ. Anthony?”

Anthony stood upright now. He moved his face

closer to his. “Hello, Mike, fancy meeting you
here.”

“Fuck,” Mike said under his breath. He turned

around and stalked out. When he turned around,
he saw Anthony behind him, a big smirk on his
face. “You find this funny?”

“Actually, yes.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“Because you’re embarrassed?”
“I’m not embarrassed. What in hell are you

doing here?”

“The same thing as you, I suppose, trying to get

laid.”

Michael opened his mouth, then, closed it.
“Anything else you want to know?” When

Michael didn’t answer, Anthony said, “Well, since
it looks like neither one of us is going to get any
tonight, let me buy you a drink.”

Michael shrugged. “Why not? You’re the one

with all the money.”

Anthony quirked an eyebrow, then headed for

the bar. They sat together side by side on the bar

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stool, both drinking, hardly talking. Anthony
spoke to the bartender and a few other people he
knew. Finally after they’d both drank a few too
many, Michael suggested they go home.

“You go ahead. I’m going to try again.”
“In the back room?”
“Yeah, in the back room. You got a problem

with that?”

“Well, what about Jason? He’s probably waiting

for you at home.”

“Are you obsessed with Jason, or something?”
“No, unless you want to share him.”
“Get serious.”
Michael laughed. “Kind of tough since I’m

drunk. Jason told me this morning he was making
dinner for you.”

“He did. So?”
“Was it good?”
“Yeah. It was fine.”
“And he got nothing in return?” Michael

smirked, finishing his beer.

“I gave him one blow job for dinner, and

another for dessert. Happy?”

“But you didn’t fuck him. Did he burn the

meatloaf?”

“We didn’t have meatloaf.” Anthony slid down

off the bar stool and headed for the back room
again.

Michael followed him across the floor, and

My Father’s Lover

through the beads. “You must be good at it.”

“Good at what?” Anthony stopped suddenly,

and glared at him in the dim light.

“Cock sucking.”
“Since you’re so fucking interested in my cock

sucking skills, why don’t you hang around and
find out?”

“If my father and his lover were still around, I

could ask them, or was it only my father you
fucked?” Michael felt a hand reach out and grab
him, and slam him against the wall. He actually
laughed a little. “Going to show me, baby?”

Anthony’s face was close to his now, he could

feel his breath on his cheek, feel his chest pressing
against his. A hand snaked down to his jeans,
brushing across his groin. Michael’s heart
hammered in his chest. His cock stiffened. He
couldn’t remember ever being this turned on.

“What do you want from me, Michael?”
“Right now, what do you think I want? If

you’re not a chicken shit, that is. I don’t mind a
little rough trade.”

Anthony undid the snap at the top of Michael’s

jeans, then, there was the distinct sound of his
zipper coming down. It seemed to echo
throughout the room, which now appeared to be
half empty. Michael’s mouth went dry as cool
fingers reached in and pulled his erection out of
his jeans. He heard Anthony’s breathing grow

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shallow, felt his fist tighten around his cock. He
could hardly breathe. “Well, are you going to hold
it all night, or are you going to do something with
it?”

Anthony released his cock, and for a minute,

Michael stood still, thinking he was just going to
walk away. Don’t walk away. Don’t leave me like
this, you bastard. Michael closed his eyes, then,
took a quick intake of breath as two hands
grabbed the waistband of his jeans. Anthony
pushed Michael’s jeans down to the floor, his
underwear came with it. The fist wrapped around
his cock again. Michael made a sound in his
throat. Two strong hands on his hips whirled him
around so that he was facing the wall. He
struggled when he felt hands press against his
shoulders. “I think this is rape,” he muttered.

Warm lips moved against his cheek, as every

inch of Anthony’s body pressed against his. “I’m
not going to rape you, Mike, and from the size of
your cock,” he said, reaching around and
squeezing it in his hand, “you’re lovin’ every
minute of it. What’s that old expression? You can’t
rape the willing?”

“I hate you,” Michael seethed.
“So I gathered, which means I guess I’m not

going to get down on my knees and suck your
cock.” He pressed his groin now against Michael’s
naked ass a few times in a motion that was

My Father’s Lover

difficult to misinterpret. He began to stroke
Michael’s cock with his hand, making sure that
Michael felt his erection pressing against his
buttocks.

Michael turned his face into the wall to keep

himself from moaning. He might never find out
about the sucking, but Anthony sure had the
moves. When he felt his ass cheeks being opened
and a finger move up inside of him, he couldn’t
help but let out a deep groan.

“Now, baby,” he whispered again against his

cheek, driving his finger deeper, and increasing
the stroke on his cock, “we don’t have to like each
other, but we have to live together. Let’s try to do
that without killing each other, shall we? Do you
agree, Michael?”

Michael was moaning in earnest now, the

pressure on his prostate along with the fondling of
his genitals was taking him to the edge. He was
going to come, whether he wanted to or not. “I do,
I do,” he pleaded, his entire body trembling.

The stroking stopped abruptly, and the finger

retreated, just when he was about to come. It was
clear Anthony knew his way around a cock. “You
fuck,” he croaked, turning around now and
wrestling to get his pants back up.

Anthony had backed off of him. He stood there,

inches away, arms folded across his chest. “Sorry,
my timing’s off, I guess.”

DJ Manly

Michael did up his pants and gave him a shove.

“Get the fuck out of my way.”

“The bar’s closing,” Anthony said casually,

following him out of the room. “Want a ride
home?”

“I want my own fucking car,” Michael growled,

pushing his way out of the bar. “You can’t deny
me a car unless you want to be my bloody
chauffeur for two years.”

“You’re in a foul mood.”
Michael glared at him, now able to see his face.

“Smug bastard. Why didn’t you just belt me
again? I’d prefer it.”

“That can be arranged,” he muttered, reaching

for the keys in his pocket. “You want a ride, or
not?”

“Keep your hands off of me. Don’t touch me

again.”

Anthony laughed, getting in the car, then,

reached over to open the door for Michael.

“That was mean and sadistic.”
“Are you going to continue this all the way

home?”

“Yes. I am. You did that on purpose.”
“You’re the one who followed me into that

room. You’re the one who insists on insinuating
that I am some kind of gold-digging prostitute
who spent his time fucking your father and his…”

“What do you expect me to think?” Michael

My Father’s Lover

muttered.

“How about maybe…just maybe two gay men

can love each other enough to not want anyone
else in their bed, and respect the fact that they
loved me like a son.”

“Men don’t…it’s not the same as with a

woman. We need sex and variety. Gay men…”

“Well, talk to those men out there who want to

get married. What do you think the fight for equal
rights is all about, Michael, so that we can fuck
strangers every night in a dark room?”

“Youth is important in the gay culture, and

male beauty. You haven’t been out there in the…”

“Oh fuck, spare me. I’ve been out there. It’s

okay if that’s what you want. That’s not what your
father and Daniel were about. They loved each
other. They were faithful to each other.”

Michael stared out the window. The tension

was thick. Finally just before they pulled into the
driveway, Michael said, “Okay, I’ll tell you what.
Even though I may not believe that there was
nothing sexual going on, I won’t mention it any
more, okay?”

Anthony laughed harshly as they drove into the

garage. “Sure, Michael, whatever. You can add
that to the list of things you promise not to
mention.” Anthony stopped the car, and looked at
him. “What I believe is this…you have a lot of
issues you haven’t dealt with, and they’re buried

DJ Manly

so deep, they may never come to surface. You’re
angry and bitter, and the only one you can take
that anger out on, is me. Well, you know what, I’m
at an all-time low right now, so watch your step
with me, and don’t push me, Michael. There’s
only so much of your crap I’m going to take. If
you push, I’ll push back, hard.”

Michael bit his bottom lip. Anthony’s eyes were

as hard as steel. “Well, let the chips fall where they
may.”

Anthony sighed, opened the car door, and

disappeared into the house.

My Father’s Lover

Chapter Four

uch to Anthony’s relief, the club reopened
on schedule. Everyone was really hustling

all day to get ready on time. There was this
unspoken feeling in the air which everyone was
aware of, but no one was talking about. It
permeated everything.

Jason was still a little miffed at Anthony for the

other night, and Anthony didn’t quite know how
to talk to him about it, so he didn’t. Hopefully
he’d get over it. He had left to go out to the bar
straight after they’d finished supper, only because
he felt a little uncomfortable being alone with
Jason. He was getting some heavy duty vibes from
him.

Michael seemed nervous tonight. He’d been

distant the last two days, but that was okay.
Anthony told himself he didn’t have the time or
energy to worry about how everyone was feeling
all the time. He was having a hard enough time

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dealing with the emptiness he felt deep inside of
him.

The fact that this would be the first time

Impressions would open without Michael
weighed heavily on everyone’s mind. Michael was
the star of the show. He inspired everyone,
especially Juan, who’d been with Michael since the
beginning.

When Anthony finally had a minute to slow

down, he went into the dressing room. It was
empty except for Juan. The others were in the
other room, drinking coffee. “Hey,” Anthony said,
sitting down beside him, “you don’t have your
makeup on yet.”

Juan gazed at him, then lifted a hand and

touched Anthony’s cheek. “I’m afraid to ruin it. I
want to cry. In fact, I think if I start crying, I won’t
stop. I’m so sad, Anthony. I’m so damn sad.”

“I know. Me, too. We have to do this. After

tonight, it will get easier.”

“You think? You know, I want to kill the

bastards. I’m so full of rage. They have no idea
what they took from us.” The tears flowed down
Juan’s cheeks. “How can they hate like that? What
did Michael ever do to them? He was the kindest
soul on…”

Anthony bent down and drew Juan against

him. “Cry if you want. Cry for me, okay? Get it
out, sweetie. It’s okay.”

My Father’s Lover

“We need a signature for a delivery,” a voice

said suddenly, causing Anthony to look up.
Michael was standing there. “You can sign. Tell
them you’re assistant manager.”

“I forgot what I have to mark in the book.”
“Sign and I’ll do the book,” he said, smiling at

Juan as they drew apart. Juan picked up a pot of
stage makeup.

When Anthony came out of the dressing room,

he walked over to Michael, and asked him if he
had put the reserved signs on the tables he’d
mentioned to him earlier.

“I did. I gave the list to the doorman.”
“Thanks,” Anthony said, looking around.

“Place is filling up.”

“A lot of straight people.”
“How can you tell?” Anthony asked him,

giving him an ironic look, and leaving Michael
without an answer.

* * * *

Michael watched the performances without
emotion. The spectators applauded wildly.
Anthony spoke with many of the patrons during
the evening. They offered their sympathies and
congratulated him on reopening the club so
quickly.

He also took time to introduce Michael to what

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he called the “regulars,” and then led him back to
the office to show him how to keep track of some
of the money, reminding him to lock it in the safe.
When he heard Juan mention his father’s name,
Michael walked out of the office and stood next to
the bar, watching.

“Michael,” Juan said into the microphone, “was

my best friend. Impressions was all about Michael.
We have been trying to do some of Michael’s
favourites tonight, but we can’t do them like he
could. He was a real star. Over these last few days,
we were trying to find a way to honour him. The
one thing that Michael and Daniel liked to do was
to shoot movies.” He laughed. “Every time we
were invited over to their house, we knew that
somewhere along the line, we’d end up watching
them on video. Back then, we dreaded it, now
we—” He paused. “—we are so grateful. So, with
Anthony’s blessing, and a technical person, we
put together some of the best of Michael and
Daniel. Have a look.”

Michael watched the images with awe. It was as

if he was seeing the man who was his father for
the first time. He wasn’t performing in these
pictures. He was just living. He saw him at the
house with Daniel, playful, loving, at celebrations,
surprise parties, on a boat, on a beach in some
tropical paradise, with Anthony and Jason.
Moments from the life of a father he never knew,

My Father’s Lover

he never bothered to know. He swallowed
something painful in his throat. “Daddy,” he
whispered in the noisy club. Images of his father
holding him as a baby flashed in his head, phrases
from his many letters… I love you son…I’ve
always loved you…you are my whole
world…please write me…I’m sending you this
ticket and…

His eyes filled with tears, blocking out the

images on the large screen in front of the club. He
could still see himself ripping that ticket into little
pieces. He walked past the bar and into the back
room. It wasn’t fair, none of it was fair. His father
had his life here with Daniel, and Anthony,
and…and what? It had been his own fault. He
could have come out here, gotten to know him,
shared in all that love and happiness…but
Anthony had been here in his place.

“Are you all right?” a voice asked suddenly.
“What do you care?” Michael asked, sniffing,

wiping his eyes with his fingers.

There was no answer.
Michael turned around and looked at Anthony.

“What was it like, being with him? Being with
them?”

“Fun, loving.” He smiled. “But it wasn’t always

perfect. They had their fights. Your dad was
jealous.”

“Of Daniel?” Michael laughed through his

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tears.

“Yeah. Daniel could be a bit of a flirt, and he

was wickedly good looking. Your father could be
a pain sometimes, possessive.” He laughed. “It
wasn’t always roses and sunshine, but it was real.”

“They looked happy.”
“They were. They really loved each other.”
“I saw that on the screen. That kind of thing

doesn’t happen often.”

“No,” Anthony said. “I don’t believe it does.

They were meant for each other.”

“Do you think you’ll ever…I don’t know, find

that kind of thing? Do you want to?”

Anthony thought for a moment. “If it happens,

it happens. It might be nice.” He paused when
Michael didn’t reply. “Go wash your face, and
come back out when you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay,” Michael said, watching Anthony as he

walked out of the room. He sighed. What was past
was past. He couldn’t change it. His father was
gone, and suddenly for the first time in his life, he
deeply regretted that.

* * * *

Jason pulled Anthony aside later as he walked by
the bar. “I saw you talking with Lou Monetti over
there, the one in the blue suit. Do you realise that
he’s a mobster?”

My Father’s Lover

“It’s a rumour,” Anthony said, shrugging his

broad shoulders. “Don’t go repeating that.”

“You looked chummy with him.”
“Jason, he’s been coming in here for years.

Now, you have a customer at the bar. Why don’t
you serve him?”

“I know what you were talking about with him.

There’s always a price. What makes you think he
could find Michael’s killers?”

“Jason,” Anthony said impatiently, between

clenched teeth, “serve the goddamned client.”

Anthony glanced around as Jason went to mix a

drink for the customer. Lou Monetti raised a hand
to him as he got up to leave. Anthony nodded at
him. Everyone knew that Lou was connected to
the mob, but Lou never brought the business to
Impressions. In fact, the family wouldn’t have
approved of Lou frequenting this kind of club, or
of the fact that Lou was gay. He had been coming
here for years. Michael and Daniel had always
treated him with respect, and Lou had done the
same. He had valued their discretion, and had
been fond of Michael’s performances. He had a lot
of connections, and right now Anthony was
finding that very useful.

Michael came back out then. He stood near the

door, greeting people as they came in. Anthony
knew he’d been crying in the back room. He knew
that there was a lot going on beneath the surface,

DJ Manly

and some regret. He didn’t have to like the guy,
but he was Michael’s flesh and blood. It was hard
to forget that, given how much he resembled his
father. He had no choice but to have some
momentary compassion for him.

When the club closed for the night, Anthony

declared it a success, but he was happy to see the
end. The staff went home without much fanfare.
Anthony stood out in the back with the security
guard watching as everyone got safely into their
cars, while Michael took care of the safe in the
office.

Finally, Anthony, Jason, and Michael locked up

everything and headed to the parking lot.

“Do you want to go home with me, or Jason?”

Anthony asked Michael.

“Doesn’t matter,” Michael said. “God, I need a

car. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about that okay?”

Anthony shrugged. “Sure.”
Michael crawled in with him, as Jason was

already in his car and ready to take off.

“Guess I’m going with you.” Michael smirked.
“The lesser of two evils?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Michael replied, which

caused Anthony to throw back his head and
laugh.

* * * *

My Father’s Lover

When Anthony got up the following day, Michael
was sitting downstairs in the family room.
Anthony was going to offer him some coffee when
he heard his own voice echoing off the television.
He walked in to see that Michael had put in an old
videotape which had been filmed on his fifteenth
birthday. He was sitting in front of a huge
birthday cake with Daniel standing over him,
urging him to blow out his candles. Michael was
shooting the film, and he could hear him say,
“Anthony, will you look up into the
camera…smile…smile.”

It was a shock suddenly to see himself back

there, to hear Michael’s voice again as if he was
right there in the room with him. He tore his gaze
away from the scene…from the only family he’d
ever had, and noticed the array of tapes strewed
across the carpet. Michael seemed engrossed,
huddled on the sofa with his feet tucked under
him. He was so fixated on the scene, he didn’t
even hear Anthony when he said, “What are you
doing?”

When Michael didn’t answer, Anthony said it

again, this time coming to stand in front of the
television. “What in hell are you doing?”

Michael looked up suddenly. “I’m…

ah…watching some movies of…”

Anthony reached over and hastily switched off

the set. “I never said you could…” The anger

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seemed to bubble up inside of him. “Those are
private and…”

“My life…” Michael stood up. “…my life you

stole from me.”

“I didn’t steal anything from you. You threw it

away!”

“He was my father, goddamn it, not yours, and

yet you think I don’t have a right…”

“Yes, fuck, you’re right, he was your father, but

you were never his son!”

Michael opened his mouth, then, closed it.
“You wouldn’t have even have come to his

funeral if it hadn’t been for the money. Don’t you
think your father knew that? He knew exactly
what would bring you here! Don’t give me this
lament shit now!” Anthony turned away from
him. It was too painful to look at him. He looked
so damn much like his father, and all he could see
was Michael’s battered face suddenly, and blood.
All that blood.

“I just wanted to…”
“Do what you want,” Anthony continued.

“This is your house now, more than mine.” He left
the room, because if he hadn’t, he might have
broken something. He left the house on foot,
thinking a walk would calm him. It didn’t help
much. Finally, after the emotion passed, he began
to think more clearly. He was trying to figure out
what it was about Michael that angered him the

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most? Was it all those years he rejected his father’s
love? Was it the fact that he knew it was only the
money which drew him here, and not any genuine
feeling for his father? Maybe it was because every
time he looked at him, he saw his father…and he
saw him lying broken on the ground, covered in
his own blood. He had to find a way to heal, but
he knew he couldn’t do that until he found the
ones who had murdered Michael.

* * * *

When he got back home, Michael was sitting on
the stoop. He got up as Anthony walked up the
path. Anthony put up a hand. “I don’t want to
fight any more.”

“I want to say that…” Michael began. “I don’t

want to fight any more either. Just, can’t you
believe that maybe I’m realising that I was wrong,
that I missed out on…” A tear rolled down his
cheek. “You don’t believe me.”

“Just like you don’t believe that I was anything

but a sex toy for two dirty queens.” It was harsh.
After the words came out of his mouth, they hung
in the air awhile.

“I know you loved them,” he said. “They loved

you, too. Maybe I was wrong to…”

“You’ve been wrong about a lot of things,

Michael. And just like I have to deal with the

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memory of seeing your father dying on the
pavement, you have to deal with your regret.”

He went to walk past him, but Michael put a

hand on his shoulder. “Tell me, tell me about that
night. I want to know.”

“I…not now,” he said, and continued on into

the house.

My Father’s Lover

Chapter Five

nthony didn’t have much to say to him in the
following few weeks. They went to work, and

came home, and went their separate ways. Every
chance that Michael got, he watched the home
movies his father had made. It made him feel close
to him, but it also accentuated his regret.

Managing the club wasn’t as bad as he thought

it would be. He enjoyed the business aspect of it,
and all the money that rolled in every night. The
staff were all polite with him, but none were
overly friendly, especially Juan and Jason. Juan
mostly went to Anthony whenever he needed
anything, and Jason ignored him completely,
which was why he was so shocked when Jason
dragged him into the storeroom one night at the
club, saying he needed to talk to him.

“About what?” Michael asked.
“Haven’t you noticed Anthony’s conversations

with that mobster?”

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“We’re not supposed to call him that. It’s Mr.

Monetti to you.”

“He’s a closet queen, trying to get into

Anthony’s pants.”

“Half the men in here want to get into

Anthony’s pants, so what?”

Jason made a face. “He’s dangerous. Anthony’s

trying to find those bastards who killed your
father and…”

Michael froze. “But the police…”
“…won’t do anything unless those freaks are

served up on a silver platter. Do you know how
many times gay bashings take place in this city?
Anthony could get hurt. He won’t…”

“You don’t have to tell me about gay bashings. I

am a gay man.”

Jason made a little sound in his throat.

“Barely.”

Michael sighed. “What am I supposed to do

about it? He hardly talks to me. He won’t listen
to…”

“Michael was your father. Maybe if you say

you don’t want him to…”

Michael put up a hand. “I’ll see what I can do,

but I have no influence over Anthony, Jason.” He
was about to leave when Jason reached out and
grabbed him again.

Michael looked at him. “What?”
“Just to let you know, Anthony will come

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101

around, but it will be to me, not you. It’s been a
long time coming.”

“Look, Jason, you have no…” Michael began,

only to be interrupted by Jason.

“First it was your father in his bed, now you

think it will be…”

“My father? Anthony slept with my father? He

told me that he didn’t…”

Jason went to say something else just as

Anthony walked in. “Jason, you’re needed at the
bar.” He glanced from one to another. “What’s
going on in here?”

Jason shrugged. “Nothing, nothing at all. I’m

off,” he said, squeezing past Michael, and leaving
him standing there in the middle of liquor cases,
glaring at Anthony.

“What’s wrong now?”
“You, you’re what’s wrong. You lied to me.”
“About?” Anthony came closer.
“You slept with my father.”
Anthony sighed deeply, then, swore under his

breath. “Jason has a big mouth. And it wasn’t
what you think.”

“Then, what was it exactly?”
“Grief.”
“Well, then maybe you should be fucking me as

well.” He met Anthony’s gaze. When Anthony
didn’t comment, he added, “Now, I understand
everything.”

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“Oh, we’re back to that, are we?” Anthony bit

back bitterly. “Well, you know what, you’re right.
I fucked your father, and at the same time I had
his will in my hand asking him to sign his name
right before I… Ever try fucking and writing at the
same time?”

“Fuck you, Anthony!”
“It doesn’t matter how I explain this, does it?

You’re going to believe what you want to.
Personally, I really don’t care any more what you
believe.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth then?

Why didn’t you just say from the onset that you
and my father were lovers, instead of giving me
this bullshit about family?”

“Because, Jesus Christ, it was none of your

business, and secondly, your father and I were not
lovers! It was one night, and it wasn’t what…”

“He was my father,” Michael said bitterly.
“So? That doesn’t mean you now have a right to

know about every man he’d ever fucked. You
didn’t even know Daniel was dead. You thought I
was your father’s lover when you first arrived.”

Michael felt himself tremble. “Yes, and it looks

like I wasn’t far off the money on that one.”

Anthony shook his dark head. “You won’t

understand.”

“Try me.”
“Why should I explain? It’s none of your

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103

business.”

“Was it more than once?”
“Don’t you listen? No, it wasn’t more than

once, and I have no intention of giving you the
details.”

“Was my father in love with you?”
“No. He was in love with Daniel, and he never

loved anyone else but Daniel, even after Daniel
died.”

“And what about you? Were you in love with

him?”

Anthony closed his eyes.
“Anthony? Were you in love with my father?”
“I might have been, in a way…it’s…” He

cleared his throat. He looked toward the door. “I
need to go back out there.”

Michael let him go. He was too shocked to try

and stop him. Anthony and his father, both in
pain at losing someone they loved, coming
together to ease that pain. Somehow he
understood that, even if looking at Anthony felt a
little strange all of a sudden.

The rest of the evening, Michael watched

Anthony as he spent time in quiet conversation
with that guy Jason referred to as “the mobster.”
He did look dangerous.

When the club was locked up, Michael walked

out into the parking lot with Anthony. He stopped
for a minute, glancing over to the place where he

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104

knew his father had been beaten. “Was he
conscious when you found him?” He hadn’t even
realised that he’d said the words aloud. It wasn’t
the first night he’d stopped to stare over at that
place.

Anthony turned to him. He swallowed. “Yes,

for a few minutes.”

“Did he say anything?”
“He said my name.”
Something caught in Michael’s throat. “Did you

see the ones who had…”

“I saw them running away, in the distance.

They ran when they heard me coming.”

Michael breathed some air into his lungs. “That

guy in the club, does he know anything?”

Anthony didn’t answer.
“Anthony, tell me.”
“Yes.”
“What? What does he know?”
“He knows one of them…”
“Where is he?”
“In juvenile lock up. He’s only sixteen.”
“Jesus. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to see him.”
Michael reached out and touched his arm. “I’m

going with you.”

“No,” Anthony said, moving toward the car.
“Anthony, let me do this. I have to…” He

stopped. “Please.”

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105

Anthony turned and looked at him. “Get in,

let’s go home.”

Anthony clenched the steeling wheel on the

way home. He could feel the tension corded in his
neck. He needed a drink. He needed hot sex in a
dark room with a stranger who he’d never have to
see again. He needed Michael to really see him, to
really see how things had been, to understand.
Why in the hell did it matter? What did he care
what Michael thought? Everyone else knew the
truth. Goddamn that Jason. He had to go and tell
Michael about that night. It looked like he had told
Sandy as well. He must have heard them, must
have had his eye to the keyhole.

“What are you thinking about?” Michael asked

him suddenly.

“Fuck all,” he said.
“I don’t believe you. You just went through that

red light back there.”

“Shit,” he said under his breath. “Why didn’t

you tell me?”

“I did. You didn’t hear me. Anthony, I need

some money to buy a car. Remember we…”

“Yes. Okay, tomorrow, I’ll get you the money.”
“Thanks. Look, I understand that grief can do

things to people.”

Anthony glanced at him, then back at the road.
“I can imagine my father…falling for you. It

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106

wouldn’t be hard.”

Anthony’s eyes widened a little. “Your father

loved me, but not in that way.”

“But that night, he must have…desired you,

wanted you.”

“I think it might have been anyone that night.

He just needed…”

“I think he needed you, because you were…you

were Daniel’s son.”

Anthony did look at him this time. “You…I

thought you said…”

“I have been watching the tapes my father and

Daniel shot. I see you in there, I see the way
Daniel looks at you, and my dad, too. They looked
at you all proud and…like parents would look at
their child.”

Tears filled Anthony’s eyes, but he held them

back.

“How was it…after you and my dad…you

know…”

“Your father regretted it, I think. He felt guilty

about it, like…” Anthony sighed. “I tried to let
him know it was okay but…”

“Things weren’t the same?”
Anthony shook his head.
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. He had nothing to be ashamed of. We

were both grown men, and…”

“Maybe he—” Michael reached out and

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107

touched Anthony’s arm. “—maybe he felt more
than he should have. Maybe he felt ashamed
because of Daniel.”

Anthony nodded silently. He took his foot off

the brake and drove through the intersection. As
they pulled into the driveway, Michael said,
“Please, don’t try to find the ones who killed my
father on your own. I realise that I…” He choked a
little, then, turned his head away to look out the
side window.

“Go on,” Anthony said.
“I realise that I missed so much, and the only

way,” Michael said, turning to Anthony now, tears
on his cheek, “the only way I have of knowing my
father is through you, and through those tapes he
left. I look at you and I resent you, but it’s not
your fault…I just want you to understand that
I…”

Anthony reached over and touched his hair.

“It’s okay. Don’t. We all live with…”

Michael looked at him, then suddenly leaned

forward and pressed his mouth against his.

It took Anthony by surprise. He froze, and

Michael immediately backed away. “I’m sorry,”
he said hastily. “I don’t know why in hell I did
that.” He groped for the door handle and
scrambled out of the car, leaving Anthony sitting
there in the driver’s seat more than a little
stunned.

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108

It was Jason who shook him out of his

paralysed state by knocking on his closed
window. Anthony opened the door and stepped
out as Jason moved away from the car. Anthony
glared at him, not giving him time to say
anything. “Why did you have to tell Michael that I
slept with his father?”

Jason folded his arms across his chest. The cool

wind blew his hair around his face as the silver
moon shone down on both of them in the still
driveway. “It came out, that’s all.”

“You told Sandy, too. What are you, fucking

CNN?”

“Why is it a secret?”
“It’s not a secret. It’s just no one’s business. And

how did you know?”

“I heard you,” he said, looking away. “I do live

in the same house you know…not that you
noticed.”

Anthony sighed.
Jason reached out and touched him. “I’m

worried about you, and Anthony, Jesus, since
Michael died, you’ve closed me out. I want to help
you but…”

“I’m sorry. Stop worrying. I’m all right.” He

made a move to go in the house.

“Are you? You say that and yet you’re going to

try and find the ones who…”

“Jason, it’s something I have to do, now let me

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109

do it my way. Just stay out of it. I’ll be fine.”

Jason followed him into the house. Anthony

glanced over his shoulder when he felt Jason move
closer. “Jason, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Jason pressed his body against

his, then wrapped his arms around him from
behind.

Anthony could feel Jason’s lips on his neck as

his hands snaked down to his hips. He almost
closed his eyes. It felt good. It felt damn good to
have someone’s arms around him.

Jason fumbled with the zipper on his pants,

pressing his erection into Anthony’s buttocks.

“Damn, you feel good. Christ, I want you,

Anthony. I want you so…”

Anthony’s cock was in Jason’s hand. He

swallowed. No. He couldn’t. He couldn’t let this
happen. He didn’t feel that way about Jason, and
he didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for either
one of them to live in this house together.

* * * *

Michael went up to his room right away, and
splashed some cold water on his face. He had no
idea what in the hell had possessed him to kiss
Anthony. He was going to go downstairs right
now and try and explain before Anthony read
anything into it.

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110

He took the stairs two at a time, rehearsing in

his mind what he would say. He was distraught
and that’s why he’d kissed him. It was a friendly
kiss, not meant to be construed as sexual in any
way. He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted
to explain all the pain and frustration, how much
he missed his father, and how much he needed
Anthony to help him understand.

Michael stopped suddenly. He could hear two

voices, talking low in the hallway, then silence. He
rounded the corner quietly, then stood there
aghast seeing Jason kissing Anthony passionately.
So, that’s how it was, he thought, suddenly
wanting to hit something. Instead, he turned
around and high-tailed it up the stairs without
making a sound.

He paced his room a little, thinking of how

charming Anthony could be when he wanted, so
convincing and sincere. He was full of shit! All
this time Anthony had been fucking Jason right
under his nose. To hell with him!

Throwing himself on the bed, he picked up the

portable and dialled his friend in New York. “I’m
horny, when you going to come out here and take
care of that for me?”

“Well, hello to you, too, baby,” Evan replied.

“What gives?”

“I thought you said that you and Dougie

wanted to come out and experience L.A.?”

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111

“We do. Just say the word?”
“How about this weekend?”
“Fine. We’ll hop on a plane. I’ll call Doug.”
“Call me and let me know what flight. I’ll pick

you up, and Evan, you’d better be well rested, I
intend on using that dick of yours…not to
mention that ass.”

He chuckled. “I’ll go to bed early. See you,

Mike.”

“See ya, stud.” Michael hung up the phone.

Anthony wasn’t the only one who could have
some fun in this house.

* * * *

Jason’s chest was heaving, his eyes looked wild.
“You’re going to leave me like this?”

“Leave you like what?” Anthony growled,

wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. “I
said no. Don’t you understand the meaning of the
goddamned word? What in hell have you been
smoking?”

“I haven’t been smoking anything.”
He attempted to walk past him into the living

room but Jason grabbed his arm, trying to kiss him
again. Anthony pushed him away. “I said, knock
it off!”

“I saw you kissing him in the car. You’ll kiss

him, but not me.”

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112

“I didn’t kiss Michael. Please, I can’t deal with

this right now, okay? You’re like a brother to me
and…”

“I don’t want to be your fucking brother,” he

stammered, and stalked off down the hallway.
Just as Anthony was going to collapse on the sofa,
the phone rang. With a sigh, he picked it up. It
was Sandy.

“Hey, babe. How are you doing?”
Anthony ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t

think you want to know. How are you?”

They talked for awhile, Sandy telling him how

much he’d missed him, and that he wanted to
come for a visit, but wouldn’t be able to for
awhile. “We have a lot of shows booked.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”
“I wish you were with us. This new guitarist we

have…well…he wasn’t my choice. How are you
getting along with Michael?”

“It’s okay.” Jason was more of a problem right

now, but he didn’t tell Sandy that. He also didn’t
tell him how close the pain still was, and that he
couldn’t bring himself to go to the cemetery.

Sandy made small talk for awhile, then, rang

off. Anthony heard the longing in his voice. He
had nothing to offer him, nothing to offer anyone,
except maybe an anonymous stranger in a dark
room.

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113

* * * *

It was after eleven when he finally managed to
crawl out of bed only to be faced with a sulking
Jason sitting at the table drinking coffee, and a
silent Michael who sat reading the entertainment
section of The Times. “Just one big happy family,”
he mocked, then laughed as he poured some
coffee.

“Oh, by the way,” Michael said suddenly,

putting down the paper, “two of my friends are
coming for a visit from New York today. What
room should they use?”

“Ah,” Anthony hesitated, taken aback. “I don’t

know. I…”

“You don’t mind, do you?”
“This is your house, too.”
“So? I suppose the one next to my bedroom is

okay, not that they’ll actually sleep there?”

Anthony raised an eyebrow. “Sure. You can use

more than one if you…”

“We’ll only need one,” he said slyly.
Anthony sipped some coffee out of his cup. He

didn’t bother to comment.

“…and since I still haven’t gotten a car, I will

need yours to pick them up at the airport, if it’s
okay?”

“How long are they staying?”
“I don’t know. We’ll play it by ear.”

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114

“I’ll arrange to get you the money today. How

much do you need?”

“Enough to buy a nice car, something sporty

and sexy.”

“Yeah, you can use all the help you can get.”

Jason snorted over his coffee cup.

“Not all of us can score so close to home,”

Michael bit off, causing Anthony’s eyes to widen.
“Where are your car keys? I better get going.
There’s bound to be some traffic.”

“Hanging up in the hall,” Anthony said

absently. “How long are you going to be
because…”

“I should be back by four o’clock, and if you

don’t mind, I’d like to have the weekend off.”

“Sure,” Anthony said with a shrug. “I can

handle things at the club.”

“Yeah, Impressions wouldn’t appeal to my

friends. They’re all male, if you know what I
mean?” He shot Jason a look, then left the kitchen.

“What in hell did he mean by that?” Jason

growled.

“What in fuck was that about?” Anthony

muttered to himself, ignoring Jason.

Jason glanced up at him with bloodshot eyes.

“He’s an asshole. And I’m…I’m sorry for last
night. I…”

“Forget it,” Anthony said, putting down his

cup. “If anyone calls, I’ll be in the exercise room,

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115

then I have to go out for awhile.” He walked out
of the kitchen, breathing a sigh of relief when
Jason didn’t follow him. The last thing he needed
now was to rehash what had happened between
them last night.

* * * *

Evan and Dougie’s plane arrived on time, and
Michael was there to greet them. They embraced,
made small talk, and Michael took them to the car.
Michael had been friends with Evan for a long
time, but he didn’t really know much about
Dougie except that he was really into three ways,
and perpetually horny.

“Wow, this is a great car,” Dougie said.
“It’s not mine. It belongs to the master.”
“Oh.” Dougie laughed, his shoulder-length

brown hair shining in the sun. Michael had
forgotten how great looking he was. He had a
great ass. Evan was blond, and he looked like he
belonged here in California. This guy had a cock
that didn’t quit.

“Be prepared to make a lot of noise tonight,”

Michael said, waiting for the guys to get into the
car with their bags before roaring the engine to
life.

“Oh, baby,” Evan said, leaning over and kissing

Michael’s mouth hotly, “we intend to. What about

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the master? The hot one you told me about, will he
join us, you think?”

“Yeah,” Doug said from the back seat, “have

you seen what he’s got to offer yet?”

Michael sucked in some breath. “I don’t think

he’ll be joining us.”

“Too bad,” Doug sang. “Evan told me that you

think he’s hot.”

“No, I didn’t say that…”
Evan punched Michael in the arm. “Didn’t have

to. So, are we going to see some freaks tonight, or
what?”

“Freaks?” Michael looked at him, driving into

traffic.

“Drag queens at that joint you work at?”
“Oh, no, I’m off…so…”
“Aren’t you going to take us?” Dougie pleaded.
“No,” Michael replied. “I’ll take you to Heaven

instead.”

“Umm,” Evan purred. “I bet you will, baby.”

* * * *

There was no one in the visiting room except for a
kid who looked to be around twelve, and a
frazzled looking woman in her forties who wore
too much makeup. The woman broke into tears
every once in awhile, which caused the kid to
swear profusely. Anthony stood at the back of the

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117

room, waiting. There was no guarantee that the
kid would even see him. He had told the guard he
was his uncle. Maybe the kid didn’t even have an
uncle.

“How are you going to feel when you see him?”

Lou had asked him on the way to the juvenile
institution. He had dropped by to pick him up as
promised around two, with Jason peering at them
out the window.

“I don’t know,” Anthony replied, refusing

Lou’s offer to accompany him inside. “I have to do
this alone.”

“I’ll wait,” he said.
Now Anthony was waiting. Visiting hours were

almost over and still that kid hadn’t showed.
Anthony checked his watch. Ten minutes left. He
paced a bit. The woman in the corner got up to
leave. Then he saw this kid hovering uncertainly
around the doorway. He was skinny and
pockmarked, with mousy brown hair. He glanced
at Anthony hesitantly before he walked into the
room. “You here for me?” He jabbed his thumb
into his chest.

“Are you Jack Monahan?”
“Yeah, but you don’t look like any uncle I’ve

ever had, man.”

“I just want to talk to you for a few seconds.”

Anthony was surprised at how calm his voice was.
Lou had said that this kid had been more of an

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observer than anything else, but that still didn’t
make him any less responsible for what had
happened in his eyes.

“About what?” he asked, his gaze shifting

around the room.

“About the night of September twenty-third.”

Anthony felt something deep inside of him
tremble but he fought to keep it out of his voice.

A look of fear crept into the kid’s eyes. “I don’t

know what…what…”

“You were there. I know you didn’t actually do

anything, but you didn’t try and stop them either.
The man is dead, Jack. He was like a father to me.”

Jack looked down at the floor. “I didn’t

see…I…”

Anthony didn’t realise he was gripping the

kid’s shoulders until he found himself staring into
his eyes. “You did see. Who are they? I want their
names.” He shook him.

Jack winced, tears sprang to his eyes. “I’m

scared. They’ll kill me. They’ll kill…”

“No one is going to hurt you except me right

now, you fuck.”

He immediately released him. He turned his

back, trying to gain control of the rage which had
seized him suddenly. Michael. He could see the
blood. He could see him struggling for breath, his
broken body on the ground.

Anthony was surprised to see Jack Monahan

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119

still standing there when he turned around. He
half expected him to hightail it out of there. He
met his gaze, his breathing even now. “I know
you’re scared.”

A single tear ran down the boy’s cheek. “What

in fuck do you want from me? I didn’t kill him,
okay. I didn’t…I…”

“They’ll do it again. They’ll beat some other

poor guy to death just for having the balls to be
who he is. Do you want that?”

He didn’t answer. The guard came in.
“Please,” Anthony pleaded, “one name. He’ll

never know it came from you. Please?”

“Time’s up,” the guard said, eyeing Anthony

curiously. He walked over to Jack and motioned
for him to come.

Jack turned away and started to follow the

guard out of the room, then at the door, he turned.
He glanced back at Anthony. “One of them is
called Bosco. He hangs out at a tavern in South
Central called Grancho De Oro.”

Anthony nodded, some air escaping between

his teeth.

Lou started the car as soon as Anthony got in.

They said nothing until Lou hit the freeway, then
Lou asked him what happened.

“One of them is called Bosco. Do you know a

tavern in South Central called Grancho De Oro?”

“No, but I’ll find it.”

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“Lou, you’ve done enough. If you know where

it is, then tell me because…”

“Anthony, I’m better equipped to take care of

this.”

“Maybe, but I want to do it. I need to do it.” He

glanced out the window.

“What do you intend to do exactly?”
There was silence. He didn’t know how to

answer that question.

“You could kill him, then what?”
“I won’t…I mean I don’t…” He sighed.
Lou glanced at him. “I’ll tell you where it is

later at Impressions when I find out, but if you
decide to follow through with this Anthony, I’m
going with you.”

Anthony saw his house come into view. He

glanced at Lou but he didn’t say anything.
“Thanks for all your help.” He opened the door
and got out.

Lou waved at him and drove off.
Jason stood in the hallway when he walked in.

“Don’t you think I don’t know who that was.”

“So?”
“So? Anthony.”
“Jason, not now.” He threw up his hands.

“Where’s Michael? Is my car back yet?”

“Not yet. Don’t worry, I’ll take you to work.”
“I’m not worried, but I want my fucking car

back,” Anthony said, storming into the living

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121

room. He picked up the phone and dialled
Michael’s cell phone. After four rings, he hung up.
“Damn him.”

“What happened with that mob guy? You’re in

a foul mood. Anthony, he’s dangerous.”

Anthony waved Jason away and left the room.

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Chapter Six

van and Doug were impressed with the house,
especially with the indoor heated pool. Both of

them immediately stripped off their clothes when
they saw it and dove in. Michael laughed. He
pushed their luggage aside with his foot and
pulled his T-shirt over his head. It was almost
midnight, and although he’d intended to bring
Anthony’s car back around four, Evan insisted
they check out a few places first. They ended up
touring the gay bars, basically just looking.
Looking took time, and before they knew it, it was
late. At first he was worried that Anthony would
be pissed, then, he shrugged it off. Jason would
take Anthony to work anyway.

Evan and Doug were wrestling around in the

warm water now, and Michael pulled off his jeans
and underwear. The two men in the water paused,
their eyes on Michael. “Baby,” Doug said, wading
over to the edge of the pool, “you are so hot.”

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123

“Well, get out of that pool, stud, and show me,”

he teased, glancing over at Evan. “It’s been a long
time since I’ve had that cock of yours, Evan.”

“Yeah, Evan’s famous cock,” Doug said,

running his hand down over Evan’s chest and
then gripping his sex under the water.

Evan licked his lips, then, climbed up out of the

water, Doug following him.

“Come on,” Michael breathed. “I have the

perfect place.”

They left their clothes in a pile on the floor. The

three naked men climbed the stairs to the second
floor. When Michael led them into the room, Evan
whistled, and Doug ran over and threw himself in
the middle of the huge, round bed. “Mirrors on
the ceiling, I love it,” Evan said, pulling Michael
roughly up against him. “The master is kinky.”

“Who are the two studs in the painting?” Doug

asked, casually playing with his own cock.

Evan grabbed Michael’s ass and kneaded it

with his hands.

Michael shrugged. “Who knows,” he said,

pulling Evan’s hair back and kissing his mouth
roughly.

Doug sat up on the bed, taking interest. “You

guys are going to do a show for me, and you
know how kinky I can be.”

“Oh, yeah,” Michael breathed as Evan started

to tongue his nipples. “What ’cha want, baby?”

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Evan looked over at Doug and grinned.
Doug got up off the bed. “We want a slut to

fulfil our every desire. You up for it?” he eyed
Michael’s erection.

“Anything you got, baby, I can take,” Michael

growled suggestively. Suddenly as Doug reached
out and took him by the cock, he had a flashback
of the last time the three of them were together. A
pleasurable sensation gripped him, and he closed
his eyes. He didn’t want to think. He only wanted
to feel. He left his eyes closed as Evan moved
around behind him and pressed his palm against
the small of his back. “Check the drawer for lube,”
he told Doug. “We want you nice and greased,
baby.”

Michael opened his eyes to see Doug sifting

through one of the bureau drawers. “Wow,” he
said, “there’s a candy store in here.” He held up
lube, then handcuffs, and a cock ring. He threw an
array of condoms on the bed, then, laughed.
“Whose room is this?”

Michael closed his eyes tight. “Stop fucking

talking, and let’s get down to business, okay?”

“Patience,” Doug said, throwing the toys on the

bed, then, tossing the lube to Evan. “Get him
ready. I’ll help you. Bring him over here and
spread him out. He can watch himself eat my cock
in the mirror. You love my cock, don’t you,
Michael?” Doug cooed as Evan pulled him over to

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the bed.

“How do you want him?” Evan asked.
Michael sat up on his knees, eyeing the mirror

above him.

Doug was feeling under the bed. “Just as I

thought,” he said with a smirk. “Rings attached to
the frame so that we can use the cuffs.”

Michael squeezed his cock.
“Get on your knees and spread ’em,” Doug

said. He threw the cuffs at Evan. There was a long
chain in between and on each side.

Michael knelt, positioning himself on his palms.

He felt Evan pull one leg to the edge of the bed
then wrap the cuff around his ankle. He almost
came when he heard it click shut. The other leg
was pulled over to the side and secured.

Evan got in behind him, while Doug crawled

onto the bed in front. “You’re going to eat my
cock, baby, and Evan is going to grease you deep
with his fingers.”

Michael moaned, glancing up at himself in the

mirror. Sexy, God, he looked hot. Doug told him
to sit up on his knees, then, he began to play with
his cock. He looked up in the mirror, compelling
Michael to watch, as well. Then, he picked up a
cock ring from off the bed. He took Michael’s cock
in hand and played with it for a minute, ensuring
that it was good and erect before he wrapped the
strap securely around the base and tightened it.

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Michael grunted.

“I even found a collar with a chain,” he said,

slapping Michael’s cock a few times with one
hand as he slid the collar around his neck, leaving
the chain in the back.

“I’m spreading his ass now,” Evan said, flirting

with Michael’s puckered entrance. “You are so
tight.”

Michael licked his lips, the pressure around his

cock was painfully exquisite. Doug yanked back
on the collar. “Say you’re a slut.”

“I’m a slut,” Michael grunted as Evan’s slippery

finger began to make its way inside of him.

Doug pinched both his nipples, then, he picked

up something shiny off the bed. “Nipple clamps,
expensive ones, too, with little shiny stones on the
end.” Before Michael could comment, Doug
pinched one nipple, and clamped it tight. It
pinched like hell and shot a sensation directly to
his bound cock. “Oh fuck,” he hissed.

“Yeah, baby,” Evan murmured from behind.

“You’re going to get fucked, all right.”

Doug leaned forward and licked at the other

nipple while he fingered the little chain on the
clamp. “Nice tits, nice cock. Great ass. What a
slut,” he muttered, as he carelessly clamped the
other nipple.

Again, Michael hissed, feeling a second finger

invade his ass at the same time. The first set of

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127

muscles around his anal ring tightened, then
relaxed. He knew Evan was going deeper. He
knew that he’d be stretched even further. Doug
reached around his head and yanked on his chain,
then, he stood up on the bed, dangling his cock
over Michael’s open mouth. “You love this, don’t
you? You love being used. You’re so beautiful,
Michael, and you want to be my play toy.”

Michael cried out as Evan pushed two fingers

up inside all the way, and began fucking his ass
with them, in and out. At the same time, Evan
forced his jaws open, pulling on the chain more,
and began to stuff Michael’s mouth with his cock.

Michael’s eyes were open. He could see himself

eating Doug’s huge cock and moving his hips in
rhythm to Evan’s finger fucking. This was heaven,
and it was only the beginning.

* * * *

Lou folded his hands together, and glanced down
into his drink. For awhile, he didn’t say anything,
just pursed his lips as if deep in thought.

Anthony got up, scraping the chair across the

floor. The guys were all on stage now doing the
halftime finale. A chorus of Let Me Entertain You
filled the room. He turned a minute and watched
them. He had to smile. The guys were really
camping it up, and the crowd was loving it.

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He turned back to Lou and leaned down across

the table. “So, are you going to tell me or not?”

“It’s against my better judgment. These are

some tough characters.”

“You don’t think I can handle myself?”
“I know you can handle yourself but…”
“But what?”
“You have to guarantee me that if I tell you,

you won’t…”

“No guarantees, Lou.” Anthony shook his

head. “This is too important. You give me the
information and then you bow out.”

Lou stood up abruptly. “Not yet. You’re not

ready.”

* * * *

Evan kissed him. It was a sloppy kind of kiss,
maybe even unintended, but his eyes closed, and
the face he saw in front of his eyes was Anthony.
He was immediately in a foul mood. He flopped
down on the bed on his stomach and rested his
head on the mattress. He let his fingers fondle the
cock ring that Evan had removed some time ago,
then he closed his eyes again. He could hear Doug
snoring softly down at the end of the bed. Evan
had left the room. He could hear the toilet flush
somewhere.

He had been enjoying himself. He’d had two

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129

major orgasms which practically dislocated his
jaw, and then Evan had kissed him, and
Anthony’s face appeared in his head…just like
that. If he had had more energy, he would have
been royally pissed off, but he was too exhausted.
He sensed that Evan had crawled back on the bed
beside him. He felt his arm crawl across his waist,
and then he slipped into a peaceful darkness.

* * * *

They were a little short-staffed tonight. Anthony
took Jason off bar and put him back on tables,
letting Eddie do the bar by himself. Annie was out
sick, and Toby had to leave early. Anthony was
feeling the pressure, especially since Michael was
off, too. At least with Michael here, he would have
been free to actually roll up his sleeves and help
Eddie on bar.

When closing time drew near, and the place

started to empty, everyone began to breathe a little
easier. Anthony actually went into the office and
closed the door. He sat down at the desk and put
his hands in his hair. Lou wouldn’t tell him where
this place was. He supposed that he could find out
if he poked around. He couldn’t go off half
cocked. What would he do if he actually came face
to face with this guy? Kill him? Beat him with a
bat the way he’d beaten Michael? He swallowed.

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Scare him. He could scare him, then, haul his ass
to the police. But would he? What in hell would he
do once he was face to face with him? He had no
idea. Maybe Lou was right. He wasn’t ready yet.

When the door opened, Anthony wasn’t

surprised to see Jason standing there, wiping his
hands on a towel. Anthony put up his hand. “I
don’t want to…”

“Do you know who they were? The ones

who…” He took a few steps inside the office.

“I know what I need to.”
“I want to go with you.”
“No.”
“Is Michael going with you?”
“No. Why in the hell would you think that?”
“You kissed him.”
“No, I didn’t fucking kiss him. He kissed…”
“He kissed you.”
“It wasn’t what you think, and besides, Jason,

there is nothing between us, or between Michael
and me, so…” He stood up.

“Why don’t you give me a chance?” Jason

asked softly, his eyes pleading. “One night.”

Anthony shook his head. “You’ll get hurt.”
“No, I won’t. I’m a big boy, Anthony.”
“I’m not ready.”
“Because you’re still in love with Michael.”
“I’m not in love with…which Michael do you

mean?” There was anger in his voice.

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131

“You know which one I meant. We all loved

him, but you were in love with him.”

“What in hell are you talking about?”
Jason gave him a compassionate look. “It’s all

right, Anthony. There was nothing wrong with it.
You loved him even though you knew his heart
would never…”

“Enough.”
“Don’t forget, I was part of the family, too. I

saw things. I heard things.”

Anthony felt as if his heart was being ripped

from his chest. God, was it that transparent? It was
only a boyish crush in the beginning. And
nothing, nothing ever happened between them
until after Daniel was dead. And after that one
night, Anthony knew that it would never happen
again. Michael avoided every possible situation
where he could find himself alone with him, and
he actually locked his bedroom door at night,
although Anthony would have never gone in there
uninvited. That one night ignited a passion
between them, but something else had
died…something that never revived. Michael was
trying to say something as he lay dying on that
pavement out back, but he never got the chance.
He’d never know now.

“He tried to tell me something,” Anthony

whispered almost to himself suddenly. “The night
he died, he touched my cheek and he said…”

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Jason was there at his shoulder.

He took his hand. “Anthony, I love you. Stop

torturing me. I can make you…”

Anthony turned his gaze to him. For a moment,

he wanted to fall into those eyes. He wanted to
feel safe, to feel loved, but he cared too much
about Jason to use him. He stepped away. “Better
get back to work. I’ll be out in a minute.”

* * * *

Anthony kept himself busy until the end,
needlessly moving chairs and re-wiping tables.
Jason helped Eddie clean up the bar, then headed
out without so much as a word to anyone. As
Anthony walked outside with Juan and Hollio,
they asked him about Jason.

“I don’t know.” Anthony lied. “He’s going

through something.”

Juan placed a hand on Anthony’s forearm.

“Honey, we both know what that is. Talked to
Sandy lately?”

“Yeah, he’s busy, but he’ll probably try to stop

in L.A. soon.”

“Maybe he can talk some sense into that head of

yours.” Hollio snorted.

“Me?”
“Yeah, don’t you go getting yourself in trouble

with that Lou character. You just let the heat

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133

handle all that stuff.”

Juan reinforced that by saying, “I’m not ready

for your funeral yet. I haven’t recovered from
Michael’s or Danny’s.”

Anthony told them not to worry, watching as

they both got into their cars, then waving to Marie
and Annie as they hailed down a taxi at the curb.

When he was alone, he realised that he still

didn’t have his car, and Jason had taken off
without him. “Shit,” he said. He pulled out his cell
phone, and called a cab.

It was almost five in the morning when he

finally arrived home. He went back in the club and
did some work on the books because it seemed to
take forever for the cab to get there. He was
exhausted, both physically and mentally. When he
finally got in the door, he was relieved to see that
his car was back in the garage in one piece. He
climbed the stairs sluggishly, loosening his
necktie, and shrugging out of his suit jacket.

He wouldn’t have noticed the door of that room

being open if he hadn’t practically slammed head
on into it, in the murky corridor. He had closed it
after Michael died, and he normally left it that
way. He was just about to close it again when he
heard what sounded like snoring. Cautiously he
walked in. The sun was just beginning to rise and
its rays illuminated the room enough for him to be
able to pick out three bodies sprawled across

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Michael and Daniel’s enormous bed.

Rage. That was the first emotion which filled

him. He marched into the room and flicked on the
wall switch. It flooded the room with bright light
from the overhead chandelier.

One of the naked men stirred, raised his head

and gawked at him, then, a smile spread over his
face. “Jesus Christ. You’re a walking hunk.”

Anthony exploded. “Get up! Get up and get

out,” he said, reaching over to shake the other
stranger at the bottom of the bed. He repeated
those words several times until the two sleepy
men managed to pull themselves out of bed.
Michael opened his eyes and blinked as they
disappeared out into the hall. “That goes for you,
too.” Anthony glared at him.

Michael looked down at the cuffs that encircled

his ankles. He pulled at them for emphasis and
said, “I think you’re going to have to help me with
that if you want…”

Anthony’s gaze ran over Michael’s body. He

was lying on his stomach, completely naked. The
swell of his perfect ass finally began to penetrate
his anger. He found himself, strangely enough,
aroused.

“So, are you going to stand there gawking at

my ass, or are you going to undo these things?”

Those words seemed to shake him out of his

trance. “What in fuck are doing in here with

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those…”

“My friends? You said we could use any room.”
“I didn’t mean this room.”
“Why not?”
“This is Michael and Daniel’s bed.”
“It WAS their bed. Now, it’s a goddamned

shrine.”

“You don’t have any respect.”
“You and my father were probably the last to

fuck in this bed. Is that what’s bugging you,
Anthony?”

Anthony met his gaze. He pursed his lips. “You

left me without my car. I had to take a cab home.”

“I’ll pay for the cab. Don’t change the subject.”
“You said you’d have my car home by…”
“What happened to lover boy?” Michael jeered.

“Jason is ready and willing to pick you up
anytime, so I didn’t think it would be a problem.”

“He left with someone.”
“It’s just a replacement for what he really

wants. You know, I was dreaming about you last
night.”

“What?” He almost choked.
“That kiss in the car.”
“What kiss?”
“The one I gave you. Forgotten already?”
“It was hardly a kiss.”
“Come over here then. I’ll give you a real kiss,

one you won’t find it so easy to forget.”

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“Don’t be…” He could scarcely breathe.
“Don’t be what, Anthony?”
Their gazes met again.
“I’m chained to the bed. You could do just

about anything you wanted, unless you’re
afraid?”

“Afraid of what?” His heart was thudding in

his chest, and he could feel his balls tighten.

“Afraid you might actually enjoy it,

enjoy…me.”

“You don’t want me. You just want to have me

at your mercy, humble me somehow.”

“Is that it?” He gave him a sly smile. “Maybe,

or maybe I just want you at this moment. Maybe I
won’t want you tomorrow, but right now…I may
not like you much, but there’s no denying how
fucking beautiful you are. And you want me, too. I
can feel it. So come on, Anthony, satisfy my
curiosity.”

Anthony ran his gaze over him. He was

fine-boned, sculptured and toned, with taut
nipples and a cock which was now beginning to
stiffen, looking needy as hell. Those eyes. They
were Michael’s eyes, and they were getting to him.
He unconsciously licked his lips as Michael ran his
hands seductively down and over his chest to his
sex. He was lifting it, stroking it, practically giving
Anthony a heart attack. He moaned inwardly.
“What about your friends?”

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137

“They’re probably off sleeping in my room. You

can lock the door if you like. That might be a good
idea because I’m sure Evan and Dougie would
love a piece of you. Come on Anthony, take off
those clothes. You don’t know how many times
I’ve imagined you naked.”

Anthony blinked. He hesitantly reached up and

yanked on his loosened tie. He pulled it over his
head, his gaze never leaving Michael’s fingers
which were still stroking that cock. He wasn’t sure
what in hell he was doing. All coherent thought
was beginning to shut down.

Michael could hardly believe what he was

saying, let alone feeling. He had no idea when it
was he had started to feel this way. All he knew
was that when Evan kissed him earlier, it was
Anthony he saw in his head. It was probably no
more than just unsatisfied curiosity, but whatever
it was, he was aching to touch him right now. The
fact that he couldn’t leave the bed to hasten him in
his undressing was frustrating to say the least. The
tie, jacket, and shirt were gone, and Anthony was
starting to undo his pants when Michael got onto
his knees and said gruffly, “Christ. Come here.”

Anthony looked up, but took a few steps

forward, just enough to allow Michael to reach the
zipper on his pants. He looked sexy as hell in a
suit and tie, good enough to eat actually, and

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Michael certainly had ample opportunity to watch
the way his body moved under those expensive,
tailored suits he wore to the club. But right now,
he wanted him naked.

Michael moved Anthony’s zipper down slowly.

He wanted to prolong the pleasure, prolong the
moment when he would scoop his fingers inside
and lift out his cock. He ran his fingers over it now
through the outline of his white briefs. He felt the
dampness, examined the place where the pre-cum
had stained his underwear while Anthony
watched him with his dark eyes. He was big,
bigger than he’d imagined, and as he pushed the
pants down and then the underwear, he feasted
his eyes on his erection for a second before
moving his arms around his hips, grabbing his
buttocks, and dragging him forward.

“I want to taste it,” he whispered, pressing his

cheek against Anthony’s groin. It enticed a low
moan from Anthony’s lips. “I intend on taking my
time,” Michael said, laving the tip of his tongue
over the helmet-shaped head, and massaging his
butt checks. “You have a great ass,” he told him,
running the full length of his tongue up the thick
shaft.

Anthony made a faint sound in his throat, his

hands landing in Michael’s hair.

Michael’s tongue slid up the shaft again, then,

he opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around

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139

the tip. He teased Anthony for a few seconds,
moving his tongue frantically around it, then, felt
his insistent cock press deeper into his mouth.
Michael looked up at him, his eyes challenging
him. He would give him everything, but only if he
took it. God, how he loved it when men took what
they wanted. That’s what turned him on.

He had no need to worry. Anthony seemed to

understand his silent message and would not
disappoint. He was a definitely a passionate man.
He moved around to the side of the bed, pulling
Michael with him. Roughly, he yanked him down
on his back as the chains from the loose fitting
ankle cuffs clanged. He got on his knees on the
bed, and pushed his cock deeper into Michael’s
throat.

Strong fingers stroked Michael’s hair and face

as Michael enthusiastically sucked Anthony’s
cock. He tasted good, he tasted too damn good.
He couldn’t help but be struck by the beauty of
Anthony’s face as it contorted into a mask of
pleasure. He threw his head back and groaned in
orgasm.

Michael licked his lips, waiting until Anthony

brought his head back up. Anthony moved down
beside him on the bed, then, lowered his mouth
down on his, one hand moving slowly over his
body as he did.

Michael was completely in his power. The kiss

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went on, and on, deeper and more arousing than
any kiss he’d ever had before, and when
Anthony’s hand reached his cock, Michael buried
his hands in Anthony’s hair, tearing at it. He
moaned out his name against his mouth.

Anthony broke away from him suddenly, one

hand reaching down to undo one of the ankle
cuffs, then the other. “Hey,” Michael protested,
“why are you…”

Anthony wrapped a hand around his erection,

squeezing it gently, causing Michael’s hips to rear
up in response. “I don’t think you’re going
anywhere. If I have to tie you down to keep you,
I’m definitely lacking in skill. You don’t want to
leave, do you?”

Michael smiled and shook his head, reaching

up to pull Anthony’s mouth back down to his.
Anthony crawled on top of him, reaching for his
hands and pushing them up over his head. He
pinned him down like that, looking into his eyes,
his long dark hair hanging down over his face. “I
do plan on fucking you. I hope that was included
in your invitation awhile back?”

“Maybe,” Michael replied, feeling his cock

moving over his thigh. He swallowed. “Not much
I can do about it.”

“You can say no,” he said softly, nudging his

thighs apart with his leg.

“Yes,” Michael croaked as Anthony’s lips came

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141

down to his throat. “Yes.”

Anthony released his wrists as he made his way

down his chest with his lips and his tongue. He
took his time tasting his nipples, and licked his
way around his navel, and down to the base of his
cock.

There were condoms and lube lying

everywhere on the bed so Michael wasn’t
surprised when Anthony inserted a slippery
finger up inside of him, then two as his mouth
continued to move over his cock and balls. “Fuck,
Anthony, God…” he breathed, biting down so
hard on his lip that he tasted blood.

“You want me to stop?”
“No, no, ah, don’t stop.” He couldn’t speak any

more. His entire body was going into spasms as
soft lips kissed and enveloped his cock and balls,
and fingers slipped in and out of his ass. When
Anthony lifted Michael’s legs up over his broad
shoulders, he was more than ready to accept all he
had to offer. When he felt the head of his cock
poking against his entrance, he was prepared to
beg. One of Anthony’s hands reached up to tweak
his nipple. Michael grabbed it and kissed his
fingers. That brought a soft laugh from Anthony,
who responded by pushing the head of his cock
up inside of him. He left it in place for a moment,
then, moved it deeper, causing Michael’s head to
arch back against the mattress. “Yes, yes, God,” he

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whispered, as Anthony’s breathing grew shallow
and he delved in, letting out a strangled moan as
he did.

“God, you’re tight,” he hissed, beginning to

move inside of him. “You feel so good.”

Feeling good just didn’t capture what

Anthony’s cock felt like inside of him. He looked
up into his face, and swore. Why’d he have to be
so gorgeous? Why did he have to have a cock like
that? Why in hell did he have to know just what to
do with that cock to drive him out of his mind?
There were sounds coming out of him now that
didn’t sound quite human. It wasn’t him crying
out, was it? Was it him gasping, groaning like
that…saying… “God…oh God…yeah…go, go…
oh fuck…fuck!”

Anthony’s slick body tumbled down on top of

him. He moved his face against his and muttered a
contented grunt, and Michael lay there, stunned,
disbelieving that finally he’d had a man who left
him totally satisfied, without restraints, without
role play, just him, just…Anthony.

His instinct was to push him off, roll away from

him, recover his dignity, but the pressure of his
beautiful, hard body against his was too much. He
wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his
hair. He gave himself the luxury of moving his
hand down over Anthony’s ass, so firm, so
delightfully round. No wonder he looked so good

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143

in jeans. “This can’t happen again,” he said
suddenly, surprised when the words echoed
around them.

Anthony lifted his head up. “Why did you say

that?”

Michael shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
Anthony disentangled himself from Michael,

and sat up. He pushed the hair out of his face, and
tilted his head. To say he looked amazing sitting
there naked and perplexed was an
understatement. Michael had all he could do not
to drag his body down next to his again, and just
hold him. “You must have had a reason.”

Michael licked his lips. Suddenly he wanted out

of this bed. He wanted away from him. “We’re all
wrong for each other.” He sat up, too, then,
quickly got off the bed.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me, besides, I wasn’t

the one who started this, if I recall.”

“I just want you to know that it’s just sex,”

Michael said, walking over to the window and
picking up his pants. “I won’t want you
tomorrow.” He didn’t look at him.

Anthony didn’t reply.
“We have two years together.” Michael put on

his pants. “At least now I know what my father
saw in you. Maybe that’s what this was all about
for me.”

“You’re a fucking piece of work,” Anthony

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hissed.

Michael turned around and looked at him.

Anthony began to dress. “Let’s forget it, okay?”

Anthony didn’t reply. He just left the room.

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145

Chapter Seven

nthony got up around three in the afternoon.
He spent at least twenty minutes in the

shower, and tried not to dwell on what had
happened between him and Michael. He was still
angry about what Michael had said to him as he
dragged on a pair of jogging pants. After making
love the way they had, he’d almost felt close to
him for the first time, until he had to ruin it with
his innuendos. Well, to hell with him. It was just
sex, like he said. Great sex, but sex was sex.

He dressed quickly, skipping the shave, and ran

down the stairs. He’d have some coffee and be on
his way.

Jason was sitting at his usual place at the

kitchen table, sipping a diet Coke. He looked up at
him with bloodshot eyes as Anthony walked in.
“You look like shit,” Anthony told him.

“Thanks. Going for a jog?”
“Yeah. Did Michael’s guests get breakfast?”

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“I don’t know. Michael left to take them to the

airport.”

Anthony frowned. “Already? They just got

here.”

Jason shrugged.
“He didn’t take my car again, did he?”
“Yep.”
“Fuck. He didn’t even ask me.”
“You can take mine, no problem,” Jason said,

pushing his keys across the table at him. “I’m not
going anywhere. I’m going back to bed for a few
hours.”

“I don’t need it now.”
“Michael said to tell you he’ll be at work

tonight.”

“Good.” Anthony poured some coffee, and took

a few sips.

Jason scraped the stool away from the table.

“Need to run off some tension?”

“Yeah.”
“There’re better ways, you know.” Jason gave

him a suggestive look.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” He drained the

cup, and then took off for his jog.

* * * *

“I’m sorry,” Michael said again as he watched
Evan and Doug trudge toward the terminal. “I

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really wish you’d let me pay for your tickets.”

They were pissed, and he couldn’t blame them.

He waved to them as they disappeared, and then
turned around and walked back toward the exit.
Shit. He doubted Evan would ever speak to him
again. He was really pissed off at him when he’d
come into the room around eleven o’clock and
suggested that it would be a good idea if they left.
It took some explaining. He’d blamed it on work,
saying that something had come up, and there
was a lot more work to do than he’d imagined.

Dougie didn’t say too much, but Evan ripped

into him. “It’s because of that Anthony guy. You
were with him after we got kicked out. You
fucked him, didn’t you? Can’t say I blame you.
But…now you want to get rid of us! Why didn’t
you just say you wanted him in the first place?”

For some reason after Anthony had left the

room, the only thing he wanted was to get rid of
those guys. He really didn’t have an explanation
for it. He just knew they had to go.

As he drove back home, he figured that

Anthony was probably up and freaking out
because he’d taken his car again. He hoped Jason
has passed on the message that he was taking the
guys to the airport and he’d be back right away.
He’d go back to work tonight, give Anthony the
night off if he wanted. In fact, he hoped to hell
Anthony would take him up on the offer. He

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really didn’t want to be around him for awhile. He
was dreading the minute when he’d have to look
him in the eye. Why in hell had he done that? Why
had he seduced him?

As he stopped for a traffic light, Michael closed

his eyes. What in hell had possessed him? And
worse, it had been good, really good. Had his
father been in love with Anthony? Well, it was
possible. He wouldn’t have blamed him, not the
way Anthony kissed. He couldn’t believe that his
father could have had him once, and not wanted
him again.

Michael laid on his horn suddenly as some guy

cut him off. The guy gave him the finger and
Michael swore. He gave himself a mental shake
and focused on the road. Whatever had happened
between them, it was better just to forget about it.

* * * *

Anthony was the first person Michael saw when
he walked into the house. He was sitting in the
kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand. He looked like
he’d just gotten out of the shower.

“We’re out of milk,” Michael said absently to

Anthony, taking a mug down from the cupboard.

“I just bought some. It’s in the side door.”
Michael opened the refrigerator and took it out.

“Thanks.”

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“You took my car again without asking.”
“I brought my friends back to the airport.”
“How come?”
Michael poured some milk into his coffee.

“Want some more?” he asked, holding up the
coffee pot, and gesturing in the direction of
Anthony’s empty mug.

“Don’t change the subject. They just arrived

yesterday,” he said, running a hand through his
damp hair.

“They had to leave.” He shrugged. “Family

emergency.”

“You’re not a very good liar.”
“Let it go, Anthony.”
“Fine. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s…”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
There was silence for a few minutes, then

Michael said, “You been exercising, or did you just
get up late?” He poured him some more coffee
and then sank into the chair opposite him.

“I went for a jog. No weights today. I’m too

damn lazy. Really slacking.”

Michael shook his head, and gave him a

mawkish look. “Oh, shut up. You didn’t get a
body like that procrastinating. I don’t have the
discipline to jog. I hate it.”

Anthony laughed. “You can use the exercise

room anytime.”

“Is that a hint?”

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“No,” he replied, shaking his head innocently.

“It’s just a…”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up.” He made a face. “Did

you make this coffee?”

“Yeah, last night. I used the timer. No good?”
“Yeah, it is. Very good, actually. Not raunchy

like it usually is.”

“Too bad. I needed raunchy this morning,

something to wake me up.”

“Try raunchy sex, it will wake you up, and it

tastes better.”

Anthony raised an eyebrow. “Are you being

smart?”

Michael grinned at him. “Probably.”
“Don’t be getting any ideas.”
“I didn’t say a word. So, to change the subject,

what happens at Christmas? Are we open?”

“Christmas Eve. We have a little party after

closing, and then we close Christmas Day and the
twenty-sixth. Same arrangement New Year’s.”

“We have to work New Year’s Eve?”
“You don’t. I’ll do it,” he said, standing up.
His T-shirt was tight, and those little nylon

shorts he was wearing…yum.

“Michael,” Anthony said suddenly. “Earth to

Michael?”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Michael laughed. “I was

distracted by your shorts.”

“My shorts, or what’s in them?”

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“Nasty.”
Anthony frowned. “Well, given that you said

what happened between us was a one-time thing,
I suggest you get your mind off of the contents of
my pants.”

Michael put down the cup, and raised an

eyebrow. He quickly changed the subject.

“Do I have to decide this minute about this

Christmas/New Year’s stuff?”

“No. Think about it. I’m going to take a

shower.”

Michael watched him walk out of the kitchen.

His cock was suddenly hard. It could have been
those shorts, or the thought of Anthony being
naked in the shower. God, he had a great body.
The things he imagined doing with that body. He
wondered if he needed someone to scrub his back
for him. Michael pushed the coffee aside. To hell
with what he’d said yesterday. This was today.

Anthony heard the door handle turn on the

bathroom door. He wiped the shampoo out of his
eyes and turned around to see who it was,
although deep down he already knew. The
shower door slid open and Michael stepped in.
Anthony looked at him. “Decided you couldn’t
wait for the shower to be free? No one is that
dirty, Michael.” His voice sounded casual but his
entire body was trembling. His nipples instantly

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stiffened, either from the fact that Michael was so
close or from the water beating down on them.
His cock jerked a little, his balls lifting, he licked
his lips in anticipation.

Michael was rubbing his hands on a bar of

soap. “I just came to see if you needed any help.”

“I see. How thoughtful of you. It can be a

challenge to take a shower by oneself these days.”

Anthony felt Michael’s arms slide around his

waist, and he heard him moan deeply as his body
pressed against his. He sighed. “Christ, you feel so
good.” Slippery hands moved down over
Anthony’s stomach, gripping his sex. “Hard,
umm, nice and hard.”

Anthony ground his ass back against Michael’s

groin. He let his head go back as Michael began to
stroke his cock. He wanted to remind him of what
he’d said earlier, but he quickly forgot to.
Michael’s lips came down on his throat and then
went to his shoulder and bit it gently. His hand
kept up the pressure on his cock as the other one
worked its way back to his chest.

“Fuck me.” Michael sighed against his neck.
Anthony turned around in his arms and

lowered his mouth to his. He kissed him deeply,
one hand on his ass and the other moving around
to Michael’s swollen cock. Michael was devouring
his mouth. Anthony could feel the need in him,
and his body was responding. Michael moaned

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into his mouth, then, reared back. “Get a condom,
and take me to your room.”

Anthony stood there for a second, looking at

him. “Are you sure this is…”

Michael glanced down at his erection. “Do you

require more proof?”

Anthony trailed his finger over his cock. “No.”

He smiled softly.

Michael took his hand. “Turn off the shower.

Come on.”

Michael’s hands were all over him again as

soon as they were in his room. He left him only
long enough to take the condom from the drawer,
then he pushed him down on the bed. He opened
the condom while Anthony watched him, and
began to position it at the tip of Anthony’s cock.

“God, you’re beautiful, you know that?”

Michael said, rolling the condom down to the
base, then, falling on top of him.

Anthony gave him back kiss for kiss, caressing

his ass as Michael sat up and began to straddle his
cock.

“I plan to use your cock, so don’t move.”
He winked at him, which caused Anthony to

laugh. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Anthony replied,
grunting as he felt the head of his cock begin to
enter Michael’s ass.

Michael bore down on him, muttering words

which sounded incoherent, but it didn’t matter.

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He couldn’t really focus on the words anyway.
Michael had completely swallowed his sex and
now he was beginning to move his body up and
down on it, causing his entire body to flush with
pleasure.

“Oh God,” he said, his hips beginning to move.

He was completely in Michael’s power, the
rhythm was entirely Michael’s, a rhythm which
went from slow and sensual to fast and furious,
culminating in both of them praying to God and
shouting out obscenities.

They lay there, breathing hard in unison, trying

to recover. Eventually, Anthony rolled over onto
his side. He looked at Michael. It made no sense
for him to be lying here with him, and yet at the
moment, he couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
He wanted to ask him what this was, but he
doubted that Michael knew himself.

Michael was looking into his eyes, perhaps as

confused as he was. A hand reached out and
touched his hair, pushing it back. Anthony
grabbed it with his and kissed it, then released it.
Michael laughed softly. “You need to stop
wearing those shorts.”

“What would you like me to wear?” Anthony

asked innocently.

“Nothing.”
He laughed. “I’m wearing nothing now.”
“I see that,” Michael said, reaching out and

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155

running a hand down his chest to his stomach.
“You’re hard again,” he said, running his finger
over the tip of his cock.

“I’m always hard.”
“That’s good. Can I make that joke about a hard

man is good to find?”

“I think you just did.”
“Oh, yeah. Guess I did.” He wrapped his

fingers around Anthony’s shaft. “I want you
again. Can you believe that?” He didn’t give him
time to comment. He moved his body closer and
pressed his mouth against his.

Anthony delved his tongue inside his mouth,

running it along his lips, then, trailing it down his
chest to his nipples where he began to lick them.
Michael kept squeezing his cock until Anthony
moved down further and spread his thighs apart.
He felt Michael’s hands in his hair as he took his
erection into his mouth. His fingers tightened and
pulled, causing him to wince, but it didn’t stop
him from sucking and licking his cock and his
balls. At the same time, he lifted his hips a little
and inserted a finger up inside of him. He began
to fuck him with his finger, which elicited little
whimpers from Michael, which turned into a gruff
shout when Anthony lifted his legs over his broad
shoulders, replacing the finger with his cock.

“Fuck me, oh yeah. Don’t hold back. Oh God,

yeah…yeah…”

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Anthony finally exploded inside of Michael.

When he collapsed on top of him, Michael lifted
his head and captured his mouth with his. He
kissed him passionately, while his hands moved
over his back and down to his ass. Finally, Michael
stopped kissing him. He smoothed his hair back
and pressed Anthony’s head down on his
shoulder. Michael’s hand continued to gently
caress his back in a soothing motion. He closed his
eyes, and slipped into sleep.

* * * *

When Michael finally opened his eyes again,
Anthony was still sleeping soundly in his arms.
His body was warm, and so inviting. Michael
hated to wake him, but the alarm said that it was
almost six o’clock. “Baby,” he said, kissing his
forehead. “Anthony. It’s almost six.”

“Um, I don’t care,” he groaned, tightening his

hold on him. “I don’t care about anything.”

Michael stroked his hair, something closing his

throat as he looked at him, some strange feeling of
utter tenderness and love. No. He couldn’t be in
love with Anthony. It was just sex. They found
each other attractive, that’s all. It didn’t mean
anything.

Anthony opened his eyes, sleepily. He gave

him the faintest of smiles, making him look like

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such a little boy. “I suppose we have to get up.”

Michael nodded. When Anthony moved out of

his arms, it literally hurt. He bit his lip as he
watched him walk across the room. “We can’t do
this any more.”

Anthony turned to look at him, his mouth

twisting a little. “You said something like that the
last time, remember?”

Michael sat up on the bed. “Don’t be smart.”
“I’m not being smart. It’s true. It’s like a broken

record.”

“You think you’re irresistible, or something.”
Anthony narrowed his eyes. “Where is this

coming from?”

“Nowhere. You said you’d tell me about you

and my father. So?”

“Now?”
“Yeah, now.”
“Why do you have to fucking do this,

Michael?” Anthony demanded, running a hand
through his hair. “If we could get along out of bed
the way we do in, then…”

“We don’t talk in bed.”
“We don’t think, either.”
Michael got out of bed.
“I’m going to take a shower,” Anthony

muttered.

“You didn’t answer me.”
“There’s no time now. I have to get ready for

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work.”

“Tell me in the shower.”
“Listen,” Anthony said, as Michael followed

him into the bathroom, “if you get into the shower
with me again, we’ll never get to work. For two
guys who don’t even like each other, we sure as
hell can’t seem to keep our hands off each other.”

Michael sighed. “Okay, fine. You shower. I’ll go

in after. So, what happened?”

“I don’t feel like going into that now,” Anthony

said, getting into the shower and sliding the door
closed.

“It must have been uncomfortable after?”
“Yes.”
“Who seduced who?”
“It wasn’t like that,” Anthony growled.
“Then how was it?”
Anthony swore, and tore open the shower door.

He just about ripped it off the track. “It wasn’t
about sex. It was about love and loss. I told you
that.”

“But you were in love with my father.”
Anthony sighed. He grabbed for the towel and

wrapped it around his narrow waist.

“Anthony.” Suddenly Anthony’s answer was

the most important thing in the world to him. He
desperately needed an answer.

Anthony sighed. “I…I think I was in love with

the idea of being in love with Michael.”

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“What in hell does that mean?”
“Why is this so fucking important to you?”
“I don’t know why, or, maybe I don’t want to

ask myself why.”

Anthony gave him a strange look. “Speak

English.”

“Just answer the question.”
Anthony closed his eyes a minute, then with a

heavy sigh, he said, “After Daniel was gone, your
father came apart. He was sinking into despair.
Daniel was the love of his life, and the closest
thing to Daniel after him was me, and the closest
thing to Daniel, for me, was him. Does that make
any sense?”

“I think so.”
“I told you all this before. We were the two

people Daniel loved most in the world, and—”
Anthony stopped, drawing a laboured breath.
“—we came together that night in Daniel’s name,
to bring us both comfort. Michael cried when he
came. He sobbed in my arms like a baby.”

“And you fell in love with him.” Michael’s

heart was hammering in his chest.

“I already loved him, but I…I think I imagined

having with him what he had had with Daniel,
this incredible exclusive love, but it would have
never worked because Michael could never love
me the way he did Daniel, and my love for your
father wasn’t the kind of love you feel for a lover.

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Do you understand?”

Michael met Anthony’s gaze. That last sentence

brought him peace, for some reason he didn’t
quite understand. “I believe you. And it never
happened again?”

“No. It never happened again.”
“Did you want it to?”
“Yes, only because I thought our love for each

other would change with the physical act, but it
was a dream. It wouldn’t have, for him, or me. I
just wanted my family back.”

Michael reached over, and pulled Anthony into

his arms. “I know, baby. I know,” he said softly,
holding him.

Anthony stayed in his arms for a few minutes,

then, they broke apart.

“The shower’s yours,” Anthony said gruffly,

and left him alone in the bathroom.

* * * *

The club seemed quiet that night, and Michael
busied himself with the routine, greeting guests,
keeping books. Anthony was busy taking stock in
the backroom.

Jason was his usual bitchy self, and Eddie told

Michael to ignore him. “Put your iggie button on,”
he said comically, loading up one of Maria’s trays.
“He just needs to get laid.”

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Michael stood back and watched the show on

stage for a little while. The guys were being funny
tonight. Juan and Hollio were making fun of some
female divas, exaggerating their mannerisms, and
Ron and Karl dressed up in little school girl outfits
and did a hilarious version of My Lollypop, which
put the crowd in stitches. Michael found himself
laughing his head off. It was only when he saw
Anthony emerge from the stock room that he
stopped laughing. He felt those familiar butterflies
creep into his stomach and he found himself
following his movements around the room. Jason,
too, was following Anthony’s movements,
Michael caught him out of the corner of his eye.

Lou had just walked in and he made a beeline

for Anthony, who shook his hand warmly and led
him to his regular table that had the reserved sign
on it. Lou would snap Anthony up in a minute if
Anthony showed the slightest interest.

Anthony made his way toward Michael now.

“Good crowd tonight, eh?”

“Yeah, it’s good. So ah, this weekend is

Christmas Eve, what’s the routine for the party?”

“Are you even going to be at this party?”
“Of course. I own half the joint, don’t I?”
“So I take it you will want New Year’s Eve

then?”

Michael shrugged. “Hardly fair to you, given

that you’ve got to be here Christmas Eve. The

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guys will be disappointed if you aren’t, especially
Jason over there.”

Anthony frowned. “Jason again?”
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Right.”
“I guess it’s because you’re a heartless tease,”

Michael threw at him, then, grinned.

“I’m not a tease.”
Eddie motioned to Anthony suddenly, holding

up the phone, and Anthony excused himself and
went to take the call.

Michael walked over to Lou’s table and said

hello.

Lou nodded at him.
“Anthony hasn’t said any more about…you

know.”

Lou gave him an innocent stare.
“Come on, I know about it.”
“He’s given it a rest for a bit,” Lou said. “I’m

hoping he’ll let it go, but I know Anthony. He
won’t let this go.”

Michael nodded.
Lou tossed his head in Anthony’s direction.

“So, Michael, you made up your mind yet?”

“About?”
“About Anthony. If you don’t want him, let me

know.”

Michael pretended not to hear him. “Sorry, got

things to do.” He made his way across the floor,

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then, went into the office for a little peace and
quiet. He picked up the phone and dialled home.
It had been sometime since he’d talked to his
mother.

“Why don’t you come home for Christmas?”

she said on the other end of the line. “You sound
sad.”

“I’m not sad.”
“I can hear it in your voice. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

* * * *

The following day Anthony handed Michael a
cashier’s check and told him to go and buy his car.
He was surprised when Michael didn’t react
enthusiastically. He accepted the check with a
quiet thank you, and left the house. Michael
returned a few hours later with a brand new Echo,
metallic blue, which was not what Anthony
expected to see. He complimented him on his
choice, and again Michael disappeared, saying
something about taking a swim before dinner.

Jason made some sort of a chicken stew for

supper and they all ate in silence, a silence
interrupted only by the ringing of the phone.
Jason answered, then, handed it to Anthony. “It’s
Sandy,” he said, not sounding altogether thrilled
about that.

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Anthony took the phone, noticing that Michael

picked up his plate and left the table. “How you
doing?” Anthony asked Sandy, picking at some of
the chicken on his plate, while Jason listened
intently.

“I think I’m going to be able to stop by during

the holidays.”

“That’s great. Can you make the Christmas

party at Impressions?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there. I’ll probably stay two days.

I have a show in Colorado.”

“Okay. It will be great to see you, Sandy.”
“You, too. I’ve missed you, Anthony.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“I’ll come directly to Impressions Sunday

night.”

“Bye,” Anthony said.
“Why don’t you tell Sandy you’re in love with

Michael?”

“I’m not in love with Michael, for Christ’s

sake,” Anthony snapped.

“What a mess.”
“It’s a mess in your head,” Anthony replied

caustically, and got up to start the dishes. Then he
felt Jason behind him, close, too close. His hands
fell onto his shoulder, his lips moved up beside his
ear. “I love you, Anthony. Don’t you know that?”

“Excuse me,” Michael said, clearing his voice as

he came back into the kitchen, “I don’t mean to

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interrupt but…”

Anthony pushed Jason away from him gently.

“You’re not interrupting anything. What is it?”
Michael was wearing a robe, and holding a towel
in his hand. He was probably on his way to take a
swim.

“You’re not interrupting a damn thing,” Jason

said bitterly. “Now that Sandy is coming for
Christmas, looks like we’ll both be out in the
cold.”

Anthony went to say something, but Jason

stomped out of the kitchen.

“Are you and Sandy…I mean—” Michael

looked down for a second. “—I wasn’t aware that
there was something, I thought you were just
friends.”

“We are friends.” Anthony sighed. “Look,

Michael…I…”

“You should really decide who you want,

Anthony.” There was anger in his voice. “If you
want Jason, then just say so…or Sandy…or that
Lou guy or…” He threw up his hands. “Make up
your mind. Take your pick, they’re standing in
line.”

Anthony’s eyes widened a little as Michael

proceeded to walk out of the kitchen. That was the
second guy who’d walked out on him in as little
as five minutes. He’d had quite enough now.
“Wait just a minute,” he called after Michael, who

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was heading down through the living room to the
indoor swimming pool.

Michael paused just outside the door to the

pool room.

“Where in hell do you get off telling me to

make up my mind? You’re the one who turns it on
and off like a goddamned faucet. I don’t know if
I’m coming or going with you.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Michael gave

him a haughty look, shrugging out of his robe.

“Don’t give me that shit. Every time we make

love, you…”

“We don’t make love, we fuck, and we’ve only

done it twice.”

“You call it what you want, I’ll call it what I

want.”

“What’s your point?”
“My point is, if anyone around here needs to

make up his mind, it’s you.”

“Just what would you like me to make up my

mind about, Mr. Ragali?”

“First you want me, then, you don’t. Then you

do, but it can only happen once, and it’s always on
your terms.”

“My terms?” Michael gave him a blank stare.

He took a step back as Anthony came closer.

“It’s always you coming to me. What about

what I want?”

“Well, you don’t put up much of a fight.”

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“What was all that about in the kitchen? Who is

standing in this fucking imaginary line of yours?”

“Sandy, Jason,” he said.
“And what about you, Michael? Are you in this

line?”

“Fuck no,” he said, looking angry suddenly.

“I’m in no line.”

Anthony took another step. Michael’s back

flattened against the wall. Anthony reached out
and touched his cheek. “Are you sure?”

Michael slapped his hand away. “Would you

like that? Would you like to see me in the line?
What position would I be, three?”

Anthony actually smiled. “Whatever position

you want.”

“That’s not what I mean and you…” He looked

flustered.

“You’re blushing,” Anthony told him, anger

draining away. He placed his hands on his
forearms and pulled him forward. “What about
what I want?” He lowered his voice to a whisper.
“What if right now all I want is you? What if right
now, all I want is to rip those trunks off you
and…”

Michael struggled away from him. “Stop it. We

can’t keep doing this.”

“You started it.”
“Yeah. And I’m stopping it.”
Anthony nodded, backing away. “Fine. But

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don’t think the next time you come to me that
you’ll get what you want.”

Michael watched him walk out of the room.

Why in hell had he acted like that? The news that
Sandy was coming, the way Jason had reacted in
the kitchen. He had been overcome with jealousy.
He had no right to be jealous of Anthony. But he
had been fucking Jason right under his nose, and it
was obviously that Sandy and he were involved.

Michael put his robe back on and left the

poolroom. Anthony was sitting in the living room.
He paused, sighed. “Anthony,” he said, walking
into the room. “I’m sorry.”

Anthony shook his head. “Forget it. Just forget

it.”

“I don’t know why I…”
“It’s over. Just don’t be late for work tonight.

You have to help me figure out the Christmas
bonuses.”

Michael narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t aware we

gave Christmas bonuses. I haven’t agreed to that.”

“It’s not open to negotiation. This is one time

I’ll pull my fifty-one shares, and veto you.”

“Do I get to know how much?”
“I’ll tell you later,” Anthony said. He stood up,

brushed past him, and walked upstairs to change
his clothes.

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* * * *

When Anthony was dressed in his teal blue suit
and black shirt, with matching teal tie, he sat
down on the edge of his bed and put his face in his
hands. He hoped that the decorations had been
put up for Christmas. He’d almost forgotten all
about them until Juan reminded him the other
day. Eddie said he’d come in early and decorate
today so Anthony had given him the spare key to
the club. He felt tired, physically and emotionally.
This was the first Christmas he would spend
without Daniel or Michael. It was going to seem
strange. And all this stuff wasn’t helping.

He was feeling more and more estranged from

Jason because of Jason’s insistence on having sex
with him, and he was sure that Sandy was going
to pressure him to go back out on the road when
he showed up. And Michael. God, Michael. He
wanted to regret sleeping with him, but no matter
how hard he tried, he couldn’t. Was he falling in
love with him? He hoped not, because the guy
was definitely taking him on some sort of a ride.
He couldn’t figure him out.

He dragged himself to his feet and went into

the bathroom. He decided not to shave. The
shadow looked kind of sexy. He brushed his hair
back and tied it with a leather cord, and then
hunted for his car keys. When he got to the bottom

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of the stairs, Jason stood there dangling Anthony’s
keys in his hand. “Looking for these?”

Anthony grinned. “How many times have you

done that?”

“More than I can count. Am I allowed to say

how hot you look?”

“Sure. Say it and get it out of your system.”
Jason reached over and hugged him. “I love

you. We’re still brothers, aren’t we?”

“Of course we are,” Anthony told him, kissing

the top of his head.

“Good. I’m sorry.”
“You said that before,” Anthony replied,

grabbing his keys. “Come on, we’d better get
going. Where’s Michael?”

“He left already.”
That didn’t surprise him. “’Kay. Lock up, kid.

Let’s move.”

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Chapter Eight

nthony was in a foul mood when he got up
the next morning. It had been a hard night

last night. First, the lights went out on the tree
outside and he’d had to go through every light to
find the bad one. Michael fought him on the
bonuses, trying to get him to reduce the size of
them, and he just wouldn’t let up. Anthony
suspected at one point that it wouldn’t have
mattered if he’d reduced them or not, he would
have still fought him on it. Finally, Anthony
pulled his veto and the bonus checks were signed.

Michael was on the phone to confirm the time

with the caterer for the Christmas Eve party at the
club when Anthony came into the kitchen. He
hung up shortly after Anthony had poured his
coffee. “He’ll have everything ready for three a.m.
You said in the lounge, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks for calling him.”
“No problem. So, do we get a bonus, too?”

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Michael threw at him, sitting back down to his
toast and eggs.

“Will you give it a rest? Don’t start with me

today.”

“I just find they’re a little generous, that’s all.”
“Your father was a generous man. He was the

one who originally decided on bonuses, not me.
Daniel often tried to talk him out of it, but your
father was having none of it. Look, just think of
how much money you’ve made in the past six
months. I think we can afford to be generous.”

Michael actually smiled. “You’re the generous

one, not me.”

“You can be quite generous when you want to

be.”

“How am I supposed to interpret that?”
Anthony shrugged. “Use your imagination. I’ve

got to go out, do some shopping for tonight. See
you later.”

“You should eat something. There are eggs

and…”

“I’ll grab something at the mall, Mother.”

* * * *

Everyone was in a good mood down at
Impressions. Even Jason was nice to Michael, who
was kind of feeling the Christmas spirit himself,
until Sandy showed up and put a damper on it.

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173

Sandy wasn’t a bad guy, he just didn’t hide his
feelings for Anthony very well, and for some
reason, this immediately drained the Christmas
spirit right out of Michael.

By the time the club closed, the caterer had the

buffet set up and Anthony called all the staff
together and handed out their bonuses. When
Michael saw the pleasure on their faces, it made
him forget how much it was costing him. He
realised that Anthony had been right all along.
Then Anthony brought out gifts. Everyone got
one, and Michael was surprised when Anthony
handed him one. “I didn’t get you anything,” he
said apologetically, taking the package from
Anthony’s hand.

Anthony shrugged. “That’s okay. Open it.”
The others were opening theirs, oohing and

ahhing, or laughing at the gift Anthony had
hand-picked for them, everything from clothing to
sex toys.

Michael ripped the paper off a flat box. He

removed the cover to find a framed picture. It was
a picture of his father when he was really young,
and he was holding a baby in his arms. He’d never
seen this particular picture before. Anthony had
had it blown up, and professionally framed. Tears
stung his eyes. He knew the baby was himself.
There was such a look of love on his father’s face
as he looked down at the baby in his arms.

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Michael swallowed the lump in his throat, and
quickly covered it back up again.

Juan walked over and handed a gift to

Anthony, and then one to Michael. “Merry
Christmas,” he said, shaking Michael’s hand, and
hugging Anthony tight. Michael was surprised to
receive gifts from the other staff members as well,
small things that Michael appreciated immensely.
He was really touched.

They ate and sang a few Christmas songs, and

then Michael was surprised to see Anthony come
out with his guitar, which brought a round of
applause.

When Anthony began to play, Michael stood,

transfixed. His fingers moved over the chords
effortlessly as his deep baritone voice sang the
words to I’ll be Home for Christmas. Sandy stood
close to him and began to join him, then, everyone
began to sing.

Michael actually felt a sense of belonging for

the first time since he’d come to this place. He
tried to ignore how close Sandy was standing to
Anthony, or that Jason hovered near his elbow, at
times putting his arm around him. Michael eased
himself across the room, and stood beside Annie
and Marie. From where he was standing he had a
clear view of Anthony. When Anthony eventually
put down his guitar and disappeared from the
room, Michael went looking for him.

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175

He found him outside by himself, his arms

folded across his chest, gazing absently up into the
sky. “Hey,” Michael said. “What’s up? You were
having such a good time awhile ago.”

“Just needed a minute.”
“You play really well.”
“Thanks.”
“You miss him a lot, don’t you? You miss my

father.”

“Yeah, I do.” He gave Michael a faint smile.
“You’re still thinking about how to find those

guys who did it,” Michael stated, rather than
asked.

“Yes.”
“It’s dangerous.” Suddenly the thought that

anything bad could happen to Anthony terrified
him.

“Probably.”
“Have you thought about how you would…”
“I don’t want to think about that tonight, okay?

You’ll come to Heaven tomorrow night?”

“The club?”
“Yeah, we all go there Christmas night. There’s

a big party. We usually go to Hollio’s for turkey
later. His wife makes it every year.”

“Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t invited so…”
“I’m inviting you.” He looked into his eyes.
“Okay.” Michael nodded. He glanced at him,

his long dark hair blowing softly in the predawn

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breeze. He wanted to touch him, to kiss him even.
This was madness. Instead he said, “See you
inside.”

“Merry Christmas, Michael.”
“Merry Christmas.”

* * * *

“Is there anything I can do?” Michael inquired,
coming out in the kitchen where Jason and
Anthony were hustling around the kitchen.

“Yeah, you can finish setting the table. Light the

fondue burners, will ya?” Anthony said, cutting
up cheese.

“Sure. Ah, Anthony,” Michael said, coming

close to him so that Jason wouldn’t hear. “Sandy
seems pretty drunk. Should I bring him some
coffee or…”

“Leave him. He’s okay.”
Michael nodded. Sandy had seemed fine at

dinner, but later before the others had arrived, he
and Anthony had gone off alone somewhere, and
when they returned, Sandy seemed depressed. He
began drinking a lot. He hadn’t stopped all
afternoon.

As Michael lit the fondue burners, he could

hear Juan and the others laughing and talking in
the living room. When Sandy wandered into the
dining room, Michael glanced over at him to see if

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177

he was still standing. “Hey. You need
something?”

Sandy snorted. “Yeah, I need something, but

it’s nothing you can give me.”

Michael regretted asking him. He lit another

match, surprised when Sandy came up behind
him and placed a hand on his shoulder. It was not
a friendly gesture. “I’m not sure what it is you’ve
got, but I suspect you’ve been giving it to
Anthony. You don’t really care about him. You
just want the money, and he’s the bank.”

“Would you mind taking your hand off of me?”

Michael’s voice was a mask of controlled anger.
“Please,” he said, thinking how easy it would be
to knock Sandy on his ass.

Sandy relaxed his hold and stepped back.
Michael turned around and looked at him.

“You’re drunk, but if you were seeing straight,
you’d realise that I’m not the one you have to
worry about. It’s Jason.”

Sandy laughed. “Oh, I’m not that drunk. Jason

is pretty obvious, but he’s nothing to worry about.
Anthony would never go for Jason. Jason is like
his brother.”

“So am I.” Michael shrugged.
“Ha. You’re full of shit. You’re as crazy about

him as I am, and unlike Jason, you’re a real
contender.”

Michael let the words wash over him for a

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minute. Was he? Was he a real contender? Would
Anthony ever see him as a potential long-term
lover? Did he want him to?

“What’s going on?” Anthony asked as he

walked into the dining room with two trays of
fondue beef.

“Nothing,” Sandy said. “I think I need some

coffee.”

“Good idea. Jason is making some,” Anthony

said.

Sandy threw one last look at Michael, then

headed to the kitchen.

Anthony put down the plates and sighed. “I

think we’re about ready.”

“Are we really eating a turkey dinner later?”

Michael rubbed his stomach.

“Not until about three in the morning. It’s

usually a hot and cold buffet. Tradition. After
dancing all night, you’ll be hungry again.”

“Guess we’re going to have to dance our pants

off, or risk not being able to fit into them
tomorrow.”

“Sounds interesting.” Anthony grinned.
“What sounds interesting?”
“Dancing our pants off.”
Michael laughed, shaking his head. “Get your

mind out of the bedroom.”

Anthony winked at him, then, went to call the

others to the table.

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179

A few hours later, they were all getting ready to

go out to the club. Juan was fussing over Anthony,
and finally when Anthony came downstairs,
Michael stood there staring at him dumbstruck, as
did all the others. He was dressed in black leather
pants, and a silky light blue shirt which lay open
at the chest. His hair was loose and Juan had done
something with it so that it fell back from his face.
He looked great, although he complained about
Juan’s attempt to put makeup on him.

Sandy grabbed Anthony’s arm. “I get the first

dance, baby, before all those hungry wolves at
Heaven form a line.”

“I think we all should get a dance,” Juan said,

and for some reason he grabbed Michael’s arm
and pulled him forward.

Michael narrowed his eyes at Juan, who

lowered his mouth to his ear and said, “Stake your
claim, boy.”

Michael went to open his mouth, but Juan gave

him a nudge, which brought him within inches of
Anthony.

Anthony raised an eyebrow at him.
“I…well…I think I should get a dance, too,

don’t you?”

Anthony laughed. “Sure. Are we ready?”
Everyone was ready. Sandy and Jason went

with Anthony in his car, as he didn’t intend to
drink. Michael did intend to drink so he went with

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Juan, Karl, and Ron. Juan claimed to be on the
wagon. “Only club soda for me tonight.”

Heaven was packed. It was a good thing that

Hollio and his wife, Tracy, were there to meet
them at the entrance or they would have never
found each other. It was only the second time
Michael had seen Tracy. She had come to the club
one night, but he’d never spoken to her. She was
an emergency room nurse and usually worked
nights.

He found himself sitting next to her at the table

Anthony had reserved for them, and was very
talkative which Michael was grateful for, given the
fact that Jason and Sandy were monopolising
Anthony’s attention, and Juan had dragged Karl
onto the dance floor. Ron was eyeing some stud
from across the room, debating with Hollio if he
should go for it or not.

“So, how do you like working at the club?” she

asked. She was a very pretty woman with long red
hair and green eyes.

“It took some getting used to,” Michael said. “It

was an eye opener.”

She laughed. “Hollio says you’ve become a

good manager.”

Michael was surprised. “Really?”
“Yeah.” She patted his arm, sipping on her gin

and tonic. “So, when are you and Anthony going
to make it official?”

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Michael just about choked on his sip of beer.

“What?”

“Come on.” She laughed. “You must know

what a catch he is. You guys are so damn cute
together. I noticed it that night I stopped by the
club. He’s had a hard time of it lately. He deserves
to have someone in his life.”

“Yeah, but Tracy—” Michael shook his head.

“—that someone isn’t me.”

“Why not? He’s gorgeous, he’s successful, he’s

got a heart of gold. I’m sure he’s dynamite in bed.
What’s not to love?”

“Well, you’re right, but as you see I’ve got

competition.”

“Where? I don’t see any. The only thing

stopping you is you.”

“What about Sandy?”
“If he wanted Sandy, he’d be gone. He’s still

here, isn’t he?”

“He doesn’t have much of a choice.”
She grinned. “Maybe you don’t believe it yet,

but he’s the one for you.”

“Jason is…”
“Jason is like a brother to him. He’d never go

for Jason.”

“Something has been going on between them,

really.”

“In your head, maybe.”
Michael laughed. “Hey, you think Hollio would

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mind if I asked his lady to dance?”

She was already up on her feet. “Come on,

cutie. If you can dance half as good as your father
could, we might not sit down again.”

The hours passed. Michael thought about

asking Anthony to dance a few times, then,
changed his mind. At midnight, Anthony made a
toast to Michael and Daniel. They all raised their
glasses. It got quiet for a few minutes. Suddenly,
Juan let out a squeal when he saw the people on
the dance floor grab on to each other in a huge
chain dance. “Come on, people. Let’s party!”

Everyone got up. The dance seemed to go on

and on, finally out of exhaustion, Michael went
back to the table. Anthony quickly followed. He
grabbed the Coke he was drinking and took a
swallow. He was bathed in sweat. Michael looked
over at him as he raised his own glass of soft
drink. “Why don’t you have a drink? You deserve
it. I’ll drive you home.”

Anthony shook his head and flopped into his

chair. “No. If I had a drink, I’d pass out. I’m beat. I
wish I could talk the guys into going to Hollio’s
and Tracy’s earlier, but I think they’re going to
close the place down. Look at Juan. He’s wild.”

Michael yawned. “Yeah, I’d love to be in my

bed right now. I’m beat. Oh well, only a few hours
to go. Hey, where’s my dance, by the way? You’ve
danced with everyone else.”

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183

Anthony leaned across the table at him. “Can I

have a rain check?”

“Sure,” Michael said, but he was disappointed.

If he’d wanted to dance with him, he would have
asked him earlier. He excused himself and went to
the washroom.

Anthony watched Michael go. He closed his

eyes. All he’d thought about tonight was holding
him in his arms. He’d almost asked him to dance
several times during a slow number, but Jason and
Sandy were always dragging him onto the dance
floor. Anyway, that was an excuse. The truth was,
he wanted to dance with him, but he’d thought
better of it. They’d probably wind up in bed
together later, and that’s what he didn’t want.
Twice they’d had sex, and twice they’d ended up
fighting afterward. Michael always went out of his
way to let him know that the sex didn’t mean
anything to him. He suspected it was bullshit, but
it hurt. The more he touched him, the more he
wanted to, and he’d been through too much
heartache lately to invite more of it.

He was just beginning to accept the fact that

whatever family he’d had was gone. Again, he
was completely alone. Jason and Sandy wanted
something he didn’t have to give them, and it was
putting a serious strain on two relationships he
thought he could count on. And Michael. Well,

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there was definitely a physical attraction there, but
he had no idea where in the hell Michael was
coming from, and he was more than a little
hesitant to find out.

By the time they left, with the exception of Juan,

Michael and himself, no one was feeling any pain.
Tracy and Hollio had a great spread laid out when
they got back, and at four in the morning, after
dancing all night, everyone was pretty famished.

“You guys can all stay here tonight,” Hollio

told him. “I have tons of sleeping bags, cots. There
are three empty beds. Come on, Anthony, have a
drink. You can crash here. You, too, Michael, and
my buddy Juan, of course.”

It sounded great. None of them really wanted

to drive, and Anthony was just as happy not to
have to go home tonight. Tracy brought him a
whiskey and Coke, just the way he liked it, and he
grinned at her and took the drink.

Michael accepted a vodka tonic. Juan took a

beer. They ate, joked around, and finally half of
them passed out.

Tracy gave them all blankets and told them to

find their spot, then, she headed to bed, her head
on Hollio’s shoulder.

“They’re a nice couple,” Michael said to

Anthony, who was picking up some paper plates
and putting them into the garbage can.

“Yeah.”

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185

Michael brought a few plates to the garbage can

as well. “You know what Tracy told me tonight?”

“No, what did she tell you?” Anthony yawned.
“She said that when people ask her why she’s

cool with what her husband does, she tells them
because he expresses his feminine side, he knows
just how to please her in bed, and that he does
housework.” Michael laughed.

Anthony grinned. “Yeah, Tracy is pretty

smart.”

“She also told me something else.”
“What’s that?”
Well, she said that trying to fit in, by being like

everyone else is not acceptance, it’s submission.
Do you believe that?”

“Yeah, I do.”
“I’m beginning to believe it, too. My father was

a rebel. He didn’t care what people thought of
him. He respected himself and he
was…beautiful.” Michael’s gaze searched
Anthony’s face.

“Yes, he was,” Anthony replied. He was

beautiful. Beautiful like his father, and unless he
moved away from him at this moment, he was
going to kiss him.

“Anthony, you must know I want you.”
“Yeah, I know. And I want you, but it’s always

about you. And what about tomorrow?”

“Fuck tomorrow,” Michael said, moving closer.

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“No. I can’t.” He took a step back. It took every

ounce of resolve he had to refuse him. “I really
can’t. Let’s just try and be friends, okay? It’s easier
than this rollercoaster you’ve got me on.”

Michael blinked. “Friends?”
Anthony nodded. “I’ve got to go to bed. I’m

really tired. See you tomorrow.”

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187

Chapter Nine

andy left before New Year’s, having some
show to do in Colorado right after the New

Year. Jason moved out of the house. Michael could
see that Anthony was upset about Jason moving,
and that bugged him. That bugged him a whole
lot.

“Want me to convince him to come back?”

Michael asked Anthony as he stood in the
bedroom that Jason had just vacated.

Anthony didn’t reply.
“You’ll have to use your hand more, that’s all,”

Michael muttered under his breath.

Anthony reached out and grabbed his forearm.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me.” Michael dragged his arm

away. “Don’t think I didn’t know you were
fucking Jason.”

Anthony’s mouth fell open.
“Don’t play innocent little boy with me.”

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“I never fucked Jason.”
“Bullshit. One time I came downstairs and he

had you pinned against the wall. I know what I
saw.”

Anthony narrowed his eyes. “I don’t care what

you saw. I never fucked Jason.”

“You’re a liar.”
“Ask him, then.” Anthony dug out his cell

phone and shoved it at him. “Call him, and ask
him.”

Michael stared at the phone, then, he looked at

Anthony. He realised that he was telling the truth.
“I thought that…”

“You thought wrong,” he muttered, and

brushed past him.

Michael sighed. He closed his eyes. After a few

seconds, he left the room and went in search of
him. “You know,” he said, when he found him
sitting outside in the backyard beside the pool,
“for someone you weren’t fucking, you seem
mighty upset that he’s gone.”

Anthony let his head go back against the chair.

He rolled his head from side to side. “Michael,
enough. Jason is like my brother.”

Michael waited, folding his arms across his

chest.

Anthony lifted his head. “You’re not going to

let this thing die, are you?” He stood up.

“Just what is the nature of your relationship?”

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Anthony placed his hands on his hips. “Now

you sound like a lawyer. Well, I’m telling you
something honey, you’re no lawyer, and I’m no
suspect.” He glanced at the pool. “The only
suspicious thing here is your unwavering quest to
find me fucking somebody. The truth is, I’m not
fucking anyone, and isn’t that a shame?”

Michael lips quivered a little. “It is, rather.” He

ran his gaze over him. He licked his lips.

“Horny?” Anthony asked him softly.
“Just warm.”
“Well then I suggest you—” He reached over

for him, and then swung him around in the
direction of the pool. “—cool off!”

Michael couldn’t believe it when he went flying

into the pool. He heard Anthony’s deep laughter
as he walked back into the house. He swore, and
scrambled out, sloshing into the house.
“Anthony.” By the time he had gotten to the front
of the house, he heard his car drive out of the
garage. He watched it disappear up the road,
shouting in frustration.

With Jason gone, it meant that he and Anthony

were truly alone together. Michael was more than
aware that Anthony slept by himself down the
hallway. Sometimes he ran into him at night when
both of them were half dressed, and half asleep,
and that was rough. There were nights that
Michael couldn’t sleep after those encounters.

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Then there were the other nights when Anthony
didn’t come home at all. That was worse.

Michael would pace the floor, imagining all the

things he believed he was doing with other men.
Then when Anthony would come home in the wee
hours of the morning, Michael would run and get
into bed, holding his breath as he heard him walk
down the hall. He ached for that door to open, for
Anthony to walk in, crawl into bed with him. He
never did. Either he had great control, didn’t give
a shit, or was getting it elsewhere, probably all
three. He’d had his chance, and he’d blown it.

* * * *

Michael walked into the living room one
afternoon and saw Anthony standing there
looking blankly out the window.

“Hey,” Michael said. “What’s up?”
“I’ve tried. I’ve tried to forget about this.”
For a minute, Michael thought he was talking

about them. “Oh, Anthony, I know what you
mean,” he said, coming closer. “I…”

He turned and looked at him. “I’ve got to do

this thing. I can’t bear the thought that those guys
are still walking around free, while Michael is in
the ground. It’s not right.”

“You’re talking about my father.”
“Yeah. What did you think I was talking

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about?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “If you know

something, maybe you should tell the police.”

“I did. It didn’t do any good. They say they

didn’t have enough proof.”

He felt his sadness. He felt his own sadness. He

walked over to Anthony. He slipped his arms
around his waist and put his head on his chest.
For the longest time, he stood there like that,
holding him.

Anthony kissed the top of his head, then,

stepped away from him. Michael looked at him.
“You know I’m going out of my mind, don’t
you?”

Anthony didn’t reply.
“How long are you going to make me suffer

like this?”

“I’m not doing this to make you suffer, Michael.

It’s better if we just try to be friends.”

“Who said?”
“It’s too messy.”
“Why do you get to be the one to decide?”
Anthony sighed. He turned away.
“No, wait.” Michael said, taking his arm.

“Please. Don’t walk away from me. I know there
has been a lot of misunderstanding between us.
It’s been a trying time but…”

“Things are not clear for me right now. There’s

a lot going on in my head,” Anthony said. “Loving

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you just confuses things.”

“Maybe loving me is just what you need to…”
“No. Look, I know where you sleep. I picture

you there often enough. If I can’t fight the
temptation one night, well…”

“Well, fuck you. You might just find my door

locked in your hour of need.”

Anthony shook his head. “Fine. I’ll have to take

my chances.”

“You’re a cold, unfeeling son of a bitch!”
Anthony’s eyes widened.
“Let’s leave it like this. We’ll be civil, but we

fuck who we want, when we want.”

“Not in the house,” Anthony said.
“Why not?”
“Because I…just don’t bring them home.”
Michael watched him walk away. He wanted to

hit him, throw something at that hard head of his.
He wanted to shout out loud, I think I love you.
Damn you, Anthony. I love you.

* * * *

Two nights later, when Anthony didn’t show up
for work at the club, Michael panicked. He
literally gave Jason the third degree. “So, where is
he, exactly?” Michael asked Jason again as he
stood watching him wipe the glasses at the bar.

“I told you—” Jason glanced at him. “—I don’t

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know. He said for you to run things, that maybe
he’d be late. I told you a long time ago that I was
worried. You could have talked to him about…”

Michael tuned him out. He glanced around the

room, looking for Lou. It was too early. There
were only a handful of people getting an early
start on drinking. He put a hand on Maria’s arm as
she walked by with a tray of drinks. “Maria, the
minute you see Lou come in, let me know okay?”

“Sure thing,” she said, continuing on to the

table.

He walked into the dressing room and checked

on Hollio, Juan, Karl, and Ron. They seemed all
right, although they asked where Anthony was,
too. “He’ll be here later,” Michael said absently,
then went out in the corridor and pulled out his
cell phone. He dialled Anthony’s cell, and got his
voicemail. He hung up. He was worried.

* * * *

Anthony watched as the guy racked up the balls
again. Anthony had already beaten him twice but
the guy was determined to win. Anthony waited
patiently, lazily glancing around the tavern,
watching the door. “So,” Anthony said, “you say
this guy Bosco comes in often?”

“Yeah,” he replied, glancing up from the table.

“I told you, he’ll be around. So what’s the deal

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with you and Bosco?”

“No deal. We have a mutual friend, that’s all.”
The guy missed. He swore loudly, then, gave

Anthony a toothy grin. “Your turn, man. Shit, I’m
losing my shirt here.”

Anthony made the shot easily. Daniel had been

an ace pool player and he’d taught him the game
when he was a teenager. They’d spent a lot of time
playing pool together. This was like taking candy
from a baby.

When the one called Bosco finally walked in the

door, the guy he was playing with said, “There’s
your boy.”

Anthony’s knuckles tightened on the pool cue.

Bosco was short and stocky with greasy black hair.
He checked his watch, and took a deep breath. He
told himself to be patient. It was almost seven
o’clock. He’d wasted almost three hours playing
pool with this idiot. It wouldn’t do for it to be all
over in five minutes.

“Hey, Bosco,” the pool player called out,

“someone over here who wants to meet you.”

Anthony stood back against the wall, a smile

plastered on his face. Yeah, I want to meet you. I
want to meet you bad.

* * * *

Bosco was stoned, and a few times he slapped

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Anthony on the back, then eventually put his
hand on his knee. Anthony pushed his hand
away, wondering how in the hell he was going to
lure him away from the bar. Over the past few
hours, several of Bosco’s friends had arrived, a
serious bunch of degenerate losers. Anthony was
trying to figure out which ones could have been
with Bosco the night that Michael died. He started
buying drinks for all of them, then, he said, “You
know what I hate worse than anything? Fags,
man, cock sucking fags.”

* * * *

When Michael came out of the stock room around
ten o’clock, he spotted Lou hunched over the bar
talking to Jason. He looked anxious about
something. Michael walked over to the bar and
tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around
and met Michael’s gaze. “Where’s Anthony?” he
asked before Michael had the opportunity to open
his mouth.

“I don’t know. I was just about to ask you the

same thing. Can we talk privately?”

Lou followed Michael into the office. “Lou,”

Michael said, not sure how comfortable he felt
addressing this big guy by his first name, “did you
give Anthony information about the guys who
killed my father?”

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He nodded. “I gave him an address. I didn’t

want to. When I came in tonight and didn’t see
him, I knew I’d made a mistake. He’s got a gun.”

“Gun?” Michael gasped.
“Yeah. I got him a gun awhile back. He said

Michael wanted to have one at the club locked in
the safe in case of trouble.”

“Jesus Christ.” Michael started to panic. “Do

you think he took the gun with him? Where in hell
did he go?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s gone to South Central.”
“South Central? Why South Central?”
“There’s a bar there where one of the guys who

was involved with the beating hangs out.”

Michael swallowed. “It’s rough there, in that

part of L.A., isn’t it? What if he gets hurt and…”

“Listen, Anthony can handle himself. Believe

me, I’ve seen him do it. I’ve seen him throw a guy
my size across this room when he was harassing
the entertainers. It’s not that. It’s the gun I’m
worried about. He could shoot someone in his
state. I’m going to go after him. He’s going to be
pissed but…”

“I’m going with you.”
Lou eyed him. “I don’t think you…”
“I’m going with you,” Michael insisted. Hastily

he walked over to Jason at the bar, and told him
he was in charge.

“What’s happening?” Jason demanded

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anxiously. “Where’s Anthony?”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to

him.”

* * * *

It wasn’t easy for Anthony to sit there and listen to
the filth coming out of these guys’ mouths. He
was biding his time, biding his time until one of
them started bragging about the beating they’d
given some queer. He knew it would happen, and
it did. It wasn’t Bosco who did the bragging. He
was slightly smarter than the others, and he was
closemouthed. But there was one, a disgusting,
ugly son of a bitch who had a habit of spitting
gobs of something on the floor every five minutes,
who couldn’t wait to give everyone a play by play
of that night.

“He was a real sissy, liked to dress in women’s

clothes. He came out of some club one night and
we gave it to him good, didn’t we Bosco?”

Bosco snarled at him. “Shut the fuck up,

Deluca, you don’t know shit for nothing.”

But Deluca didn’t shut up. He kept right on

talking, causing Anthony to have to turn away for
a minute to gain control of his emotions. Anthony
leaned over and said in Deluca’s ear, “Let’s go
outside man, in the back. I got some real good shit.
Tell Bosco to come, too. He’s okay, but not the

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others. I don’t have enough for everybody. I’ll
wait for you. Try not to let the others know.
Pretend you got to go to the can.” He stood up.

Deluca nodded at him slyly, and Anthony

made his way outside. He shoved his hands in his
pockets, and glanced up at the moon. “Don’t
worry, Michael,” he said aloud, swallowing a
lump in his throat. “Tonight they’re going to pay.”

* * * *

“Can’t you make this thing go any faster?”
Michael complained as Lou barely made it
through a red light.

“You don’t want to get stopped, do you?”
“No, but shit,” Michael said, looking around

him at the squalor of the downtown slums.
“Damn, human beings shouldn’t have to live like
this.”

“Yeah, and the government wonders why

there’s crime. So, what’s with you and Anthony?”

“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been watching the two of you. Are

you doing him?”

Michael didn’t quite know what to say. “First of

all, it isn’t any of your business, and second…”

“It is my business. If you’re damn fool enough

not to go for it, then maybe I got a chance.”

“You?”

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“Yeah. I may not have a lot to offer in the looks

department but I can give him everything he
wants.”

“He’s pretty well set up. He doesn’t need

anything you got.”

Lou laughed. “Well, I just got my answer.”
“What?”
“You don’t want to share. Can’t say I blame

you.”

“Look, Lou. Anthony and I…”
“You’re nuts about the guy, and you know how

I know? ’Cause right now you’re shitting your
pants with worry.”

Michael fell quiet. He had that right.

* * * *

Bosco and Deluca were really stoned now. They
couldn’t stop laughing. Anthony could feel the
sweat roll down his face even though the evening
was fairly cool. He fingered the gun in his pocket.
The laughter was beginning to grate on him.
When he pointed the gun at them, they laughed
even harder, too far gone to realise the gravity of
the situation. He regretted that. He wanted them
to feel the fear. “Get on your knees,” he said
between clenched teeth.

“Come on man—” Bosco choked he was

laughing so hard. “—lighten up. What cha’ going

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to do with that gun, shoot us?”

Anthony didn’t smile. In fact his face was a cold

mask of hate.

Deluca seemed to sober. “Hey ah…Bosco, he’s

serious, man. What gives?”

“Get on your fucking knees,” Anthony insisted,

his chest heaving with restrained hatred.

Deluca fell on his knees, pulling Bosco with

him. They both looked up at him now, confused.

“I bet you don’t even know his name. His name

was Michael, Michael Fulton, and he was only
thirty-nine years old.”

Bosco looked at Deluca and back at Anthony. It

was clear that he didn’t know who he was talking
about.

“He was a female impersonator, a very talented

one, and a man with the biggest heart in the…”
His voice faltered. There was the dawn of
recognition in Bosco’s eyes. “He was a fag, a queer
like me…and like you.” Anthony pierced him
with his gaze, moving the gun closer.

“I’m no fag man. I’m…” Bosco began to protest.

“And he deserved what he got. He…”

“Shut up,” Anthony said, grabbing Bosco by

the hair and dragging him out onto the pavement.
“You took everything from me, the only family I
had left, and now you fucking, cock-sucking closet
queen, you’re going to pay.” Anthony swung the
gun at Bosco, hitting him in the head. The blood

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began to run down his forehead. Deluca got up,
prepared to escape.

A voice shouted out now in the stillness of the

night. “Anthony, no!”

Anthony froze. He turned around to see

Michael standing there in the alley, Lou’s hulking
form beside him.

“He’s not worth it,” Michael said, running up to

him. “Please.”

“I’ll take care of him for you, Anthony,” Lou

said. “No one will ever find the body.”

The guy on the ground began to beg. “I’m

sorry, man. I’m sorry,” he blubbered.

Deluca began to creep toward the side door, but

Lou rushed over and grabbed him by the shirt
collar and held him in one hand. “Let me take care
of both of them. It will be my pleasure.”

“Give me the gun, Anthony,” Michael urged.

His heart was hammering in his ribs. He was so
scared. “Please.”

“This is the man who killed your father. Don’t

you care?” Anthony demanded, tears and sweat
mixing together on his face. He was shaking.

“Yes, I care.” Michael pulled the gun out of his

hand. “But my father wouldn’t want you to
sacrifice your life for this piece of…” Michael
paused, glancing down at the pathetic man who
was still crying and pleading for his life. He felt

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the bile rise to his throat. “You plead now, you
asshole, but did you show my father any mercy
when you beat him to death?”

Bosco lowered his head, sobbing.
“You’re not crying because you killed an

innocent man. You sleep fine at night. You’re
crying because you’re afraid to die.” Michael
looked at the gun in his hand, and he pointed it at
Bosco. He felt his finger shaking, pressing lightly
against the trigger, then, Anthony’s hand covered
his, holding his hand steady.

Michael looked into Anthony’s eyes. “I never

knew him. He died like a dog in the streets, and I
never knew him at all.” Michael held onto the gun.
Anthony turned him around so that if the gun
went off, it would hit the side of the building.

“What do you want me to do with the garbage,

Anthony?” Lou asked him. “You tell me, baby,
and I’ll do it.”

Michael let the gun drop onto the pavement,

and walked down the alley. He heard Anthony
say, “Take them to the police. I don’t want to see
them again. Just make sure they confess to killing
Michael.”

“Oh, they’ll confess, all right,” Lou said.
“I’m going to take Michael home now.”
“Good man.”
Michael dried the tears off his face just before

Anthony got to him. Anthony walked past him

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without a word. Michael followed. They got into
the car and drove for miles without talking. They
were almost home before Anthony said, “I can’t
do this any more.”

“Do what any more?” Michael glanced at him.
“Fight with you, try and convince you of who I

am.” He stopped the vehicle in the driveway of
the house, then, turned to him. “I want to tell you
everything. I want to tell you what happened the
one night your father and I made love. I want you
to know that…”

“You don’t need to say anything else.” Michael

shook his head. “After Michael…after my father
died, so many emotions bubbled to the surface. I
resented him for leaving me. I couldn’t get past
that. Then I saw you in those tapes, and I knew
deep down you were a son to Daniel and my
father but it was easier to accept—” He paused,
then put up a hand when it seemed as if Anthony
was about to interrupt. “—let me finish. I have to
say this. It was easier to think you were just some
whore, a con artist, than believe you benefited
from what I might have had.” The tears rolled
down his face now. “I don’t resent what my father
left you. You probably deserved it all. I just can’t
figure out why he set things up the way he did.
Why make me come here, hold me here with you
in this house for two years? What was he
thinking?”

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“I don’t know. He had his reasons, I suppose.”
Michael reached over, and caressed his cheek.

“Are you all right?”

This coaxed a smile. “Now I am. Thank you, by

the way.”

“Thank me? For what?”
“For showing up tonight. I don’t know what I

would have done. I wasn’t thinking right. I…”

“You wouldn’t have done anything,” Michael

said. “You don’t have it in you to kill someone,
even in the state you were in.”

“I don’t know. I never came that close to

wanting to kill a man before. It changes you
somehow.”

Michael nodded.
“Let’s go inside,” Anthony said.
“Anthony.” Michael touched his forearm.
He paused, but he didn’t look at him.
“Don’t make me sleep alone tonight.”
He didn’t answer. He got out of the car and

went inside.

When Michael came in the door, Anthony was

right there waiting for him. He didn’t say
anything. He just took him into his arms and held
him.

Michael wrapped his arms around his waist

and let his head settle onto his chest. He closed his
eyes as Anthony gently played with his hair, one
arm tightening around his waist. “Let’s go to bed,”

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he whispered.

Michael raised his face to his. Anthony’s hand

moved down his hair to his cheek, and he fitted
his mouth to his, tasting his lips, then releasing
him. He grabbed hold of his hand and led him up
the stairs. Michael’s heart pounded in his chest.
God, he wanted him so much. Maybe he wanted
him too damn much.

They stopped at the top of the stairs. Anthony

moaned something against his hair and pressed
his body against his. Michael stumbled back
against the wall, and pulled at Anthony’s T-shirt.
He ached to have him naked. He was so beautiful,
and as he pushed the T-shirt up and over his head,
he had to literally catch his breath. There was a
dim wall lamp burning at the end of the hallway,
one that came on every evening with the timer,
and it bathed Anthony’s torso with a soft glow,
which played up his golden skin and seemed to
make his stiff, dark nipples seem even more
prominent.

Anthony seemed frozen by the look on

Michael’s face. He didn’t move for a minute,
which allowed Michael to run his hands over his
sculptured abs and deliciously moulded biceps.
His thumb moved over one of his nipples, and it
stiffened more, rising to a peak, which Michael
couldn’t resist tasting.

They switched places suddenly, Michael

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moving Anthony against the wall as he took his
time suckling and nibbling each delectable nipple.
He grabbed Anthony’s hands, entwining their
fingers, feeling the pressure increase as he
continued to lick and tongue his irresistible chest.
He took a step backward suddenly, admiring his
handy work. “God, you’re gorgeous,” Michael
whispered. “With all the men I’ve had, I’ve never
seen one as…” He began to undo the belt of his
jeans with both hands now. Each noise, each
smooth movement of the belt detaching stiffened
his cock. He pulled the leather belt out of the loops
and glanced at it. “Put your hands over your
head.”

Anthony raised an eyebrow, and smiled. He

pressed back against the wall, and raised his
hands up.

Michael stood on tiptoe and wrapped the belt

around his wrists, loosely threading it back
through the buckle and tightening it. Michael’s
chest heaved. He licked his lips. God, he was sexy.
He’d never wanted to do that to anyone before.
He’d always wanted to be the one bound.

The way Anthony was looking at him right

now, his eyes shining with desire, made his cock
leak pre-cum into his pants. Jesus. He ran his
hands over those stimulated nipples again,
lowered his gaze to the unquestionable need in
Anthony’s jeans. He was near bursting out of

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them. Michael opened the top of his jeans, then
slid down the zipper.

Anthony let his head go to the side, and he

groaned.

Michael pulled down the jeans and the

underwear and let his gaze feast on his cock.

“You’re so hard, so thick and…” He dipped his

fingers in the cum, which was oozing from his
cock, then lifted his fingers to his mouth and
tasted him. “You’re trembling,” he whispered.

Anthony glanced at him. “Touch me,” he

whispered. “Touch me.”

Michael fell to his knees. He took his cock in his

hand and pressed it to his cheek, then wrapped his
lips around the shaft.

Anthony cried out.
Michael slipped his other hand around his ass

and none too gently began to insert his finger up
inside his anus. Anthony let out a grunt, which
quickly turned into a soft sigh of contentment.
Michael continued to finger fuck him as he sucked
his cock with enthusiasm, one hand curled around
the base as he moved it in and out of his mouth.

He brought him almost to orgasm, then, stood

up, watching him thrash some against the wall, his
wrists settling down atop his head. He stared into
his eyes. “Michael,” he whispered.

Michael pressed his lips against his, then buried

them in his neck. He reached up and freed his

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arms, throwing the belt aside. “Fuck me,” he
groaned. “I want you.”

Anthony wrapped his arms around him, fingers

digging into his ass. He pulled him into his room
which, thankfully, was nearby, and scrambled
around in the drawer for a condom. Michael
quickly peeled off his clothes. Anthony pressed
him back on the bed, and frantically lifted his legs
over his shoulders. “Say you want me,” he urged,
his dark gaze staring into his. “Say you want me
now, and that you’ll want me tomorrow.”

“Yes, okay,” he breathed, waiting anxiously as

Anthony tore open the condom and began to put
it on.

“Say it,” he insisted, now pressing his cock

against his ass. “Make me believe it, or I won’t
fuck you. Say it.”

“I want you, now and…oh…God…” He felt

Anthony’s cock begin to enter him, and he cried
out as it sliced deeper inside of him, stretching
him, filling him completely. “Anthony. Anthony,
baby! Oh God yes, yes.”

Anthony began to move inside of him, in and

out of his body like a torpedo. Anthony then
slowed his pace, moving slower, more deliberate,
then speeding up again until he, too, let out a
shout and filled Michael’s ass with his cream.

Michael closed his eyes, a warming sense of

peace sliding over him. He moved his hand over

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his chest and then laid it over his cock, which lay
satiated on his stomach. He didn’t even realise
that he was drifting into a peaceful sleep until the
sun came streaming through the window, rousing
him.

* * * *

Anthony lifted his gaze to Michael as he walked
into the kitchen. He waited as Michael poured
himself some coffee, and came to sit down
opposite him. He reached across the table and
took his hand. Michael smiled at him. “I think we
need to…” he began, then a voice sang out from
the other room suddenly, “Hey guys!”

Anthony let go of Michael’s hand.
“Saved by Juan.” Michael smirked.
Juan walked into the kitchen, looked from one

to another and then threw them both a mint
candy. He was always throwing candy at them
lately, especially since he’d quit smoking. “Hey
baby boys, you guys fucking or fighting these
days?”

“Depends on the day,” Michael replied with a

big grin. “I’m willing to fight, if he’s willing to
fuck.”

Anthony made a face. “Don’t you ever knock?”
“I used my key. Did you hear that, Anthony?”

Juan echoed. “He’s willing to…”

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“Yes, yes, I heard it,” Anthony muttered,

pouring some coffee for Juan, then, coming to sit
at the table with him.

“Boy, someone didn’t get his beauty sleep. And

just like a man.” Juan clicked his tongue. “Men. I
am so fed up with the lot of them.”

“May I remind you that you are a man.”

Michael laughed out loud.

“Not today I’m not,” he said. “Russ is being a

pig.”

“What happened to Tommy?” Michael asked,

looking confused.

“Oh, he was last week’s flavour, cutie.” Juan

winked at him.

“So, what did Russ do now?” Anthony sipped

some coffee. He glanced over at Michael.

“He won’t pick up his dirty underwear. I refuse

to pick up another man’s dirty underwear, unless
he’s in them.”

Anthony and Michael laughed.
“What in hell are you laughing at?” he

demanded, looking at Anthony, then Michael.
“Neither one of you is getting anything…much?”

Michael cleared his throat. “Going to grab a

shower.”

“Oops,” Juan said. “So honey, what gives

here?”

Anthony didn’t really want to talk about this

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today with Juan, or on any other day for that
matter, but Juan was persistent. He got up on his
pedestal and began to pontificate. Anthony put his
head down on the table.

“You stop that,” he said. “You listen to me.

You’re gorgeous, he’s downright cute. The poor
boy is head over ass over you. Do him, for God’s
sake.”

Anthony didn’t reply.
“You have been doing him, haven’t you?”
“Juan. It’s not that simple.”
“Honey, you don’t need lessons. So, try again.”
“There’s a lot of stuff.”
“What stuff?”
“I don’t know, stuff.” Anthony threw up his

hands.

“You’re making excuses because you’re chicken

shit.”

Anthony sighed. “It’s not me.”
“You want him? Answer me, do you want

him?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure the feeling’s

mutual. I can’t read him, and I don’t want to get
burned.”

“Well,” Juan said, finishing his coffee, and

standing up, “if you don’t get close to the fire,
you’re always out in the cold.”

Anthony gave him a strange look.
“Never mind, but in the meantime, will you

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please fuck him?”

“I told you Juan, fucking him is not a problem.”
“Oh, now I’m confused.”
Anthony laughed.
“What you need right now is a shopping

excursion to take your mind off of things. Get up
off your lazy ass…as cute as it is…and come with
me.” He took Anthony’s arm and pulled.

“I hate shopping. What are we shopping for?”
“A present for Russ.”
“I thought you were mad at him?”
“I am furious! Come on, let’s go.”

* * * *

Michael waited all day for Anthony to come
home. He knew Anthony was going to say
something to him before Juan dragged him off
shopping, but he wasn’t sure what it was. When
he finally came through the door, Michael could
feel the butterflies in his stomach. He smiled at
him. “Hi.”

Anthony smiled back. “Hi.”
Michael came closer to him.
He didn’t move away.
“Can we sleep together in the same bed

tonight?”

“You want to go to sleep now? It’s only

five-thirty at night.” He laughed softly.

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Michael took his hand. “I want to do far more

than sleep, but you already know that. Please.” He
didn’t wait for his answer. He pulled Anthony
forward and up the stairs. In the hallway, he
intended to kiss him gently on the lips, but after
making contact with his mouth, he couldn’t get
enough. The kiss deepened with Michael pushing
Anthony roughly against the wall, and pulling at
his clothes. “Oh God,” Michael muttered against
Anthony’s neck, scrambling to pull off his jacket.
“Oh God, yes.”

As Michael lay there on the bed kissing him,

touching his skin, he found himself holding back
tears. One teardrop fell, mixing with the pre-cum
Michael was gently licking off the end of his cock.
Anthony made a little sound in his throat and
turned over onto his stomach. Michael raised up
his head. Anthony glanced down at him over his
shoulder. “You want me to…” He ran his hands
lovingly over one of the beautiful round globes of
his ass.

“Fuck me,” he whispered.
Those two words went right through him,

settling in his groin. He licked his lips, watching as
Anthony reached over to the nightstand and
opened the drawer. He took out lube and a
condom.

“You never wanted…at least I never thought

that…” Michael began. He was trembling all over.

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The thought of being inside of Anthony defied
words.

Anthony handed him the lube and the condom.

“I don’t have the best memories of that from when
I was on the streets. It was mostly associated with
pain and humiliation, and it’s been a long time
but—” He stopped, reached down and touched
Michael’s hair. “—right now, I want you. Just go
slow, okay?”

Michael swallowed. “Okay.” He nodded,

undoing the cap on the lube and squeezing some
into his hand. He separated Anthony’s ass cheeks,
pressing his lips against his skin for a second and
then began to apply the lube. It was cold and
Anthony laughed a little, squirming.

Michael began to rub it over his anus, then,

gradually moved one slippery finger up inside
him. He began to fuck him with his finger, in and
out, then deeper and deeper until he slipped
another finger up inside of him. Anthony was
moaning, making sounds of pleasure in his throat.
Michael licked his lips, stifling his own moans of
pleasure. He was so hard, and he wanted him so
much, but he was a little scared, in awe almost of
being given this gift, this beautiful, sacred gift.

He wrapped his arms around Anthony’s waist

and Anthony immediate got up on his knees.
“Yes. Michael, do it. Fuck me. I’m ready, baby.”

As Michael began to enter him, he squeezed

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Anthony’s cock, which was still hard as a rock. He
whispered his name, then shouted it as his groin
flattened against his ass and he felt his organ
gripped by Anthony’s body. I love you…I love
you… but he didn’t say it aloud. He began to
pump, throwing his head back, his body taking
control of all rational thought.

Anthony went with him, keeping pace, urging

him on, then coming in Michael’s hand as Michael
himself felt the thundering of juices exploding
inside of his shaft and emptying into Anthony.

Michael gasped for breath, the sweat burning

his eyes as he scrambled back away from
Anthony, needing to experience the last few
seconds of the ecstasy he had felt being inside of
him.

Anthony rolled over onto his back. His eyes

were closed when Michael crawled back over
beside him. “Did I hurt you?” Michael asked.

Anthony opened his eyes. “No. You didn’t hurt

me.”

“Was it good for you?”
Anthony smiled. “It was nice.” He pulled him

into his arms. “More than nice.”

Michael kissed his shoulder, then, laid his head

on his chest. “You really haven’t done that with
anyone else?”

“No,” he said simply.
“Why me?” Michael looked at him, meeting his

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gaze. He was hoping he’d say because he loved
him.

When Anthony didn’t answer, Michael asked

him again.

Anthony grinned. “You’re quite the inquisitive

fellow, aren’t you?”

Michael swallowed something hard in this

throat. “I love you. Isn’t that ridiculous?”

Anthony hugged him closer, and closed his

eyes. “No. It’s not ridiculous at all.”

* * * *

When Anthony finally woke up, he glanced
around, and realised that he was alone. That was
disappointing. He’d expected to see Michael’s face
first thing. He crawled out of bed, peering at the
clock. Damn. It was after one o’clock.

He called out Michael’s name, checking his

room, then running downstairs, calling his name
again. He was nowhere to be found. That was
odd. He walked back upstairs, jumped in the
shower, and then started to get dressed. Had
Michael actually told him that he loved him last
night? Had he meant it? The entire thing was
scary as hell. He didn’t think he could bear it if
Michael took it back. It might have been the heat
of the moment. Damn that Michael, he sure had a
way of knocking him off balance.

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* * * *

When Anthony walked into the club that night,
Michael was already there. He was hunched over
the books in the office. He looked up briefly, and
smiled at him, but didn’t say much. Anthony
wondered if he’d dreamt it all. “You’ve been here
all day?”

“For awhile. Lots of paperwork we needed to

catch up on. Why don’t you make sure everything
is in order at the bar.”

“Ah, okay.” Obviously, Michael wanted to get

rid of him. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell
him to stop fucking mind-gaming him, but
instead, he walked out of the office and put some
distance between them.

* * * *

Michael looked up a few minutes later to see Juan
standing at the door. “What?” he said.

Juan walked in and closed the door. “What, is

the word. What in the world are you trying to do
to my poor Anthony? He’s really upset. What’s
going on with you two?”

“Juan, I don’t think…”
“Yeah, you don’t think. He’s gone and fallen in

love with your sorry ass. And I know you’ve got it

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bad for him, too. It’s all over your face, so what’s
wrong?”

Michael sighed. “I told him I loved him last

night, and he…he didn’t even say it back.”

Juan took a breath. “I can understand that. He’s

a little skittish, and you haven’t exactly been what
one could call Mr. Mature.”

“What does that mean?”
“It means I’ve seen you doing a lot of growing

up since you’ve been here, Michael. Anthony
needs to be sure that you’ve changed before he
goes putting his heart on the line. Have you
changed, Michael?”

“Yes.”
“Do you think you really deserve him?”
“Probably not.” He smiled.
“There’s more than sex, you know. You have to

be compatible on other levels as well.” Juan patted
his shoulder, and walked out.

Michael sat there perplexed for a moment, and

then he smiled. He understood.

* * * *

Just before closing, Anthony asked Michael if he
was ready to go. “Pretty much. Go ahead. Wait for
me in the parking lot, okay?”

“What about your car?”
“I don’t feel like driving tonight. I’ll leave it

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219

here. Go ahead. I’ll be right out.”

Anthony waited patiently in the parking lot,

glancing up at the night sky. Maybe Michael
wanted to talk. He was rehearsing what he was
going to say to him when he heard the clacking of
high-heeled shoes on pavement. He looked up to
see a young woman walking over to him. “Hello,
handsome. Give me a ride?”

Anthony blinked. At first he thought she was

trying to solicit him, but she wasn’t dressed like a
prostitute. The woman was beautifully made up,
and elegantly dressed in a tight white dress and
matching high heels. “Do we know each other,
miss?” he asked politely, narrowing his eyes.

“Yes sexy, we know each other, intimately, in

fact.”

Anthony’s eyes widened when he saw the

smile. “Michael?”

Michael laughed. “What do you think?”
Anthony couldn’t stop staring at him. He was

speechless.

Michael lifted up on his toes and kissed

Anthony’s mouth, then wiped at his lips.

“Jesus Christ,” Anthony whispered.
“Anthony,” he said, talking in his own voice

now, “I want you to believe that I’ve changed.”

“Michael, you’re wearing a dress. Why are you

wearing a dress?”

“Did you hear a word I said? I’m trying to show

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you that I’ve been a fool. I understand so much
more now.”

Anthony took a step back, his gaze moving over

him. He was still in shock. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better, actually.” Michael

grinned. “It was something that Juan said. He said
I had to show you that I’d changed.”

Anthony smiled. “Last night you told me that

you loved me. Do you still mean that?”

“Can’t you see?” He laughed.
Anthony met his gaze. “Michael, you don’t

need to wear high heels for that. I know every
time you touch me. It’s just that I wasn’t sure
you’d feel the same tomorrow. As soon as the
loving stops, you seem to get cold and…”

“You scare me a little,” Michael whispered.

“I’ve never been in love like this before.”

“Hell. You think I have?”
Michael smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. And you

are just a tad bit intimidating you know, with
every man who sees you falling in love with you.”

“A tad? Oh, how Valley Girl,” he mocked.
Michael hit him.
“You know, you make one hell of a pretty

woman. I could get used to it. Do you come with
other outfits?”

“Never mind that. You do love me? You do

want for us to be together, exclusively? I need for
this to be clear.”

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221

“Now, finally, you want clarity? What do you

think?”

“I want you to say it.”
“I love you. And I want to be with you, only

you, woman.”

Michael wrapped his arms around him, tears in

his eyes, then, he started to laugh. “I guess I
should tell you…I’m a man, Anthony.”

“Why do I feel as if I’m in “The Crying Game?”

he whispered, pressing his lips to his neck.

“The what?”
“I’ll rent it. I knew you didn’t get out much.”
“Give me a proper kiss.”
“You have too much lipstick on,” Anthony

protested.

Michael laughed. “Let’s go home, and I’ll take it

off.”

“Everything?”
“Yes, unless this turns you on and…”
Anthony shook his head and winked. He

couldn’t get over seeing Michael in a dress. He
was still staring at him on the way home.

Michael hit him. “Pay attention to the road, and

stop trying to look up my skirt, you perv.”

Anthony smirked. “I’m sure I’d get a pleasant

surprise.”

“You bet you would.”
“So, this drag thing, is this going to turn into a

habit, or what?”

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222

Michael grinned. “I don’t think so. The shoes

are killing me.”

“Will you do it one night at the club?”
“If you will.”
Anthony threw back his head and howled with

laughter. “Honey, you wouldn’t want to see me in
a dress. It’s kind of like Freak Show meets
Halloween.”

“I don’t believe it. Will you do it once for me?”
“Sweetheart—” Anthony glanced over at him

and then placed his hand on his knee. “—as long
as you love me, I’ll do just about anything for
you.”

* * * *

After Michael got out of the dress and took off the
makeup, he went downstairs to the living room.
Out of the blue, Anthony announced that he
wanted to redecorate the room upstairs. “We
could make it our room.”

“Make it our bedroom?”
Anthony nodded.
Michael came over to where Anthony was

sitting on the sofa. Anthony looked up at him.
Michael grabbed his face between his hands and
kissed him hotly. Anthony’s hands came up
around him and squeezed his buttocks. “Take me
to bed,” Michael urged, pulling Anthony to his

My Father’s Lover

223

feet.

They stumbled together through the kitchen

where Anthony took the stairs two at a time,
leaving Michael to breathlessly chase him down
the hallway. When he went into Michael and
Daniel’s old room, Michael hesitated.

Anthony stopped at the entrance and looked at

him. He extended his hand. “Come and love me,”
he said softly.

He didn’t need to ask him twice, not with that

tone of voice. Michael stepped into the room and
dragged Anthony’s T-shirt over his head, then
went to work on his pants. “Um, you’re already
hard.”

“I’m used to being hard around you.”
Michael looked at him. “Were you ever

intending to tell me that you loved me?”

“Shut up, will you? I already told you.” He

pushed his pants and underwear off and stepped
out of them, then, he began to undress Michael.
He slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, kissing
his way over his chest to his stomach, then,
dropped to his knees to undo his jeans.

Michael closed his eyes, his trembling fingers

moving in Anthony’s thick dark hair. “I love you.
Somewhere along this crazy ride my father sent us
on, I fell in love with you. You do believe me? You
do believe that I’ll never change my mind. This is
forever for me.”

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224

Anthony’s lips moved over his cock as he

pushed his jeans down over his hips. For a second,
he pressed his face to his groin. He didn’t move.

“Anthony?” He felt his arms wrap around him

tight now. “Anthony? You weren’t lying to me
when you said you loved me, were you?”

“Would I lie to a beautiful woman?”
Michael stroked his hair. “You’re too much of a

gentleman for that.”

Anthony laughed, then, he raised his gaze to

him. They looked unusually bright in the dark. “I
love you so much, Michael. I never thought I’d
love like this. It’s a little overwhelming. I’ll make
you happy. I promise.”

Michael dropped to his knees and pulled him

roughly into his arms. “Anthony, oh Anthony. I
don’t actually breathe unless I’m touching you. I
dream about you. I dream about you being inside
me and…”

Anthony kissed his lips gently. “You won’t

change your mind tomorrow? My heart won’t take
it.”

“Baby, I’ll love you forever. I promise. You’re

everything I’ve ever wanted. I thank God for
bringing me here.”

Anthony kissed him again. This time the kiss

pressed Michael to the floor. Anthony’s lips found
their way over his body and down to his sex
where they lingered until Michael begged for him

My Father’s Lover

225

to take him. Anthony possessed him there, with
Michael on all fours. He took him roughly,
passionately, not holding back, and Michael knew
that he wanted to be here with him for the rest of
his life.

* * * *

The next day, Anthony kissed him awake. In the
shower, he held him, thinking that being in love
like this was nothing short of a miracle.

When they were dressed, Anthony walked

downstairs with Michael and before they got to
the kitchen, Anthony put a hand on his shoulder
and said, “There’s something I want to do today.
You’re not obligated, but if you want, you can
come with me to the cemetery.”

Michael looked at him. He touched his cheek

and smiled. “I’ll come with you, baby. Thanks for
asking me.”

A few hours later, they stood together hand and

hand in front of Michael and Daniel’s graves. “Do
you think they’re together somewhere?” Michael
asked, placing his hand on his father’s gravestone.

“I don’t know, but I sure as hell hope they are.”
They were there around ten minutes when

Anthony led Michael away by the hand. “Come
on,” he said, placing his arm around his shoulders,
“next week we’ll come back with some nice roses.

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226

Michael loved roses. Daniel used to bring him
yellow ones. Let’s go and have a cappuccino.”

Michael nodded. “Okay. Then what do you

want to do?”

“Go home,” he growled. “I can’t wait to get you

back in bed.”

“To hell with the cappuccino,” Michael

grinned. “Race you to car.”

* * * *

No one at the club seemed surprised when
Anthony finally announced at the club that he and
Michael were together. Hollio actually shrugged
in his high heels and tiara, looked around at the
others, and yelled out, “Quelle surprise. Is anyone
here surprised that Michael and Anthony are
doing the dirty deed every night?”

There was a chorus of “no,” which caused both

Anthony and Michael to laugh.

“I say it’s about damn time,” Ron announced.

“You guys have been dancing around it for long
enough.”

“You can’t deny love.” Juan looked at Michael.

“Your father knew that, and so did Daniel.” He
looked at Anthony and gave him a tender smile.
“’Bout time someone grabbed you up, sweetie…all
that muscle and good looks, not to mention a heart
of gold. You deserve it, honey, and if he isn’t good

My Father’s Lover

227

to you, you tell me, and I’ll beat him within an
inch of his life.”

Michael made a face. “Damn, I’d better toe the

line.”

“You bet your ass,” Juan said, the smile fading.
Michael knew he was serious, but Juan had

nothing to worry about in that department.

Jason didn’t say much, but at the end of the

evening, he came over to Michael and said, “I
hope you know what you’ve got there.”

“I do. I really do. I know I’m the luckiest guy in

the world.” He glanced over at Anthony, who was
pestering Juan about something, which earned
him a slap.

Jason held out of his hand. “Congratulations for

waking up. You be good to my brother.”

“I will.” Michael took his hand. “Friends?”
“How about family?”
Michael smiled. “Even better.”
Jason reached over and gave him a hug, and

Michael hugged him back.

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228

Epilogue

all and winter disappeared, and spring came.
Anthony and Michael got the call from Hubert

Collins’ office. Their two years were up. They had
to come and sign some papers, papers which
would transfer Michael’s inheritance to him, and
relinquish them from their obligations.

“Well, Michael,” Hubert said as both young

men came into his office and sat down, “you’re on
your own now. You can manage your own money.
Also, the two of you can decide together what you
will do with Impressions.”

Michael glanced at Anthony.
Hubert leaned forward. “Out of curiosity, will

you sell…because if you’re interested, I know
someone who…”

“Why would I want to sell something my father

worked so hard to build?” Michael announced,
surprising the lawyer.

Anthony sat back in his chair, folding his arms

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229

across his chest. “Michael’s going to manage
Impressions. I’ll keep my hand in, but I want to go
back to school.”

Collins seemed surprised. “Really? To do

what?”

“I don’t know. I think I’d like to teach music.”
Collins nodded. “A noble profession.” He

looked at Michael. “I’m surprised that you’ve
decided to keep running Impressions, especially
the way you felt about it two years ago.”

“Well, I’ve done a great deal of growing up

since then.” He looked at Anthony and smiled.
“Besides, Impressions is a success. Why wouldn’t I
want to run it? I’ve discovered that I’ve got quite a
head for business. I’ve enrolled in a business
course at UCLA.”

“Smart man. Okay, so all that’s left is to sign the

papers and you two can go your separate ways.”

“Fat chance. I’m not letting Anthony go

anywhere,” Michael muttered, then, laughed as
Anthony lifted an eyebrow at him, clearing his
throat.

Collins grinned. “Seems a lot has changed. Last

time you guys were in my office, I thought you’d
wind up killing each other.”

“Yes,” Anthony said, leaning over and giving

Michael a quick kiss, “a lot has changed.”

Collins smiled, then passed them some papers,

and told them where they both needed to sign.

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230

Finally after double-checking the signatures, he
nodded and stood up. “Well, that just about does
it.” Suddenly he put a hand to his head. “Oh, I
almost forgot.” He reached in the drawer of his
desk. He handed Michael a white envelope. “Your
father left this for you when he made out his will.”

“What is it?” Michael asked, taking it in his

hand.

“A letter from your father. You know, maybe I

never told you this but Michael always suspected
that he’d die young. I guess that’s why he wrote
this.”

“He told me that often as well.” Anthony

smiled sadly. “But he always had a flair for the
dramatic so I never paid much attention.”

Collins nodded. “If he had lived longer, well,

parts of his will would have been quite redundant.
He seemed to change after Daniel died…I’m going
off track here. He left instructions for this to be
opened only when the two years were up, and,
thankfully, I remembered.”

“Thanks,” Michael said, curiously fingering the

letter.

* * * *

Michael was quiet in the car. He was staring at the
envelope in his hand. When they were back at the
house, Michael turned to Anthony and said, “I

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231

don’t mind if you stay with me while I read it.
We’ll read it together.”

“No. You read it on your own. It’s between you

and your father. When you’re finished, come
upstairs. I have something to show you.”

Michael raised his eyebrows up and down.

“Oh, baby, if it’s what I think it is, it’s a piece of
art.”

Anthony laughed. “Not that, although you can

see that, too, if you want, anytime.”

“Wow, a standing invitation. I want. I want.

Not anytime, all the time.”

Anthony winked at him.
Then Michael gasped. “I know what it is, you

finished the room, didn’t you?”

Anthony nodded.
Michael let out a shout and hugged him. “I

can’t wait.”

“Read your letter first.”
Michael nodded. When he was completely

alone, he sat on the sofa, opened up the envelope
with trembling fingers, and began to read.

My Dearest Son, Michael,

If you are reading this, it means that you

have just spent two years, I hope, running
Impressions, and two years sharing a house
with Anthony. It also means that I am dead.
I suspected that I would never live o be an

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232

old man, and after I lost my beloved, I
didn’t really want to.

What I did want, above all else was for

you to know me, but as time went on, I
realised that it probably wasn’t going to
happen while I was alive. Well, better late
than never…ha, ha.

This was the only way I knew how to

give you a glimpse of who I was. I was
Impressions. I was Daniel and Anthony,
and all my dear friends at the club. They
were all a part of me, and I was a part of
them. Too bad you never got to meet
Daniel. You would have liked him.

You need to know that Anthony has

been a son to me, and I love him dearly, but
I never forgot you, Michael. The day you
were born was the happiest day of my life,
but I couldn’t live the life my family
wanted me to. I couldn’t be the man your
mother needed. There was too much inside
me. I would have curled up and died there.
I would have made your life hell as well. I
tried to see you, but your mother thought it
best that I didn’t. I don’t blame you for not
coming. You didn’t understand then, but
you probably do now. I hope you see that
life is filled with difference, and it is in
those differences we find true meaning. The

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233

best thing you can be in life is yourself.
People will never respect you for trying to
fit in. Believe me, I know.

So, with all the regret I feel for not being

there for you as you grew up, this is my gift
to you, my way of asking you forgiveness…
of giving you something back…even if it
had to be forced on you, even if you might
not have appreciated it right away. I hope it
accomplished what I thought it would.

Oh yes, and about Anthony. How can I

forget how Anthony factors into all this?
Well, he is my greatest gift to you. And if
there is a God in the heavens above, you
already adore him. I know how sad he was
after Daniel died, and now that I am gone
too he must feel totally alone But I’m not
really gone I have left part of me behind in
you Anthony is a good man. If he loves
you, he will love you forever. He’ll never
let you down. And he’s quite a hunk as
well, don’t you think?

I love you both eternally. Love each

other, as Daniel and I loved each other, and
your life will be filled with great happiness
and true meaning, even when things are
rough.

I couldn’t think of giving you anything

greater than this.

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234

Love, your father, Michael.

Michael sat there for the longest time just

staring at that letter, tears streaming down his
face. When he felt able, he wiped the tears, folded
the letter, and put it into his pocket. Then he stood
up and walked up the stairs. He took a second
before he opened the door, prepared to present his
happy face. He didn’t want to ruin Anthony’s
surprise. He knew how hard he’d worked on that
room.

When he opened the door to the room, he let

out a yell. “It’s perfect!” This was the first time he
had seen it. Anthony had forbidden him to go into
the room until he had finished. He had done an
excellent job of redecorating. He had repainted,
changed the furniture, the carpeting, and hung
new pictures. Except for the painting of Michael
and Daniel that they’d decided to keep on the
wall, the room was completely transformed. It was
their room now. Maybe one day, their picture
would hang there.

But the best thing in the room was not on the

walls or the floors, it was the beautiful guy lying
on the bed, this gift from his father.

“I think I can safely assume by your reaction

that you like it?” Anthony asked, looking like a
small boy suddenly.

“I love it. You’re a genius.” Michael came over

My Father’s Lover

235

and sat next to him. “Take off your clothes.”

Anthony smirked. “Okay.”
Michael licked his lips. “In fact, let me help

you.”

“What a gentleman you are,” Anthony teased.

Michael pressed his lips to Anthony’s as he

moved his hand down to Anthony’s jeans, and
began to pull on the zipper. “You’re the
gentleman,” he said softly, looking in his eyes.
Then he looked up at the picture of Michael and
Daniel.

Anthony’s gaze followed Michael’s. “What is it?

Is it crooked?”

“Naw. I’m saying thanks, that’s all.”
“Thanks for what? And to whom?”
“Never mind. You know what?” Michael drew

Anthony’s cock out of his underwear, and moved
his mouth down to it. “You’re gorgeous, but
sometimes you talk too damned much.”

“Well I guess I should take a lesson from you.”
Michael gave him a quizzical look. “What’s

that?”

Anthony pressed down on the back of

Michael’s head so that his mouth was even with
his erection, and said, “Never talk with your
mouth full.”

Michael began to laugh so hard he couldn’t do

anything. Every time he went to take him into his

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236

mouth, he burst into laughter again. Anthony
sighed. “Okay, forget it,” he growled in
frustration, pulling him up to his chest and
wrapping his arms around him. He kissed his
nose, then his forehead, and said, “Are you
happy?”

“How could I not be?” Michael replied, kissing

his mouth gently. “Everything has gone exactly as
planned.”

“What do you mean?”
“I’ll tell you about it later. All I can say now—”

He paused and looked up at the smiling face of his
father on the wall. “—my father doesn’t owe me
anything any more.” Then he returned his gaze to
Anthony. “Because he’s given me everything.”

Anthony looked confused.

“Never mind, beautiful, just kiss me,” Michael

said, and rolling on top of him, he passionately
captured his mouth with his.

About the Author

I write not only for my own pleasure, but for the
pleasure of my readers. I can’t remember a time in
my life when I haven’t written and told stories.
When I’m not writing, I’m dreaming about
writing, doing something wild and adventurous,
or trying to make the world a better and more
open minded place to live in. I adore beautiful
men, and I know I’m not alone in this! Eroticism
between consenting adults, in all its many forms is
the icing on the cake of life!

D. J.’s website is located at:
http://www.djmanly.com/

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