NYPD Night Shift

NYPD Night Shift

Cover Art by Risky Ink

ISBN: 978-1-937394-28-8

All rights are reserved. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any

manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief

quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

NYPD Night Shift

Eden Cole

Dirk pulled up to his brother Cooper’s house and cut the engine. He

sighed, staring at the light in the front window. While he watched, another
came on, and he knew that one was the master bedroom where Cooper and
his lover Erik slept. They’d been together a good month, and from talking
to his brother, he knew Cooper was happy. That’s what he wanted, but he
couldn’t help feeling jealous too. Coop had what he’d told himself didn’t
interest him. Dirk made a habit of finding a cute man, bordering on too
young to be legal, using his beautiful body, and then discarding him. Yet,
that wasn’t even the type of man he was attracted to. He kept his personal
life separated from professional one. He was a damn good detective, one
of the best. His work had been acknowledged by the mayor on several
occasions, and he loved what he did. Lately, that hadn’t been enough.

He dug his cell phone from his pocket and turned the CB down from

habit. His brother’s number was the first one listed in his recent calls list.
His youngest brother Adam was the second.

Cooper answered on the fourth ring. “What?”
“Good morning to you too,” he grunted. “Open the door.”
“What do you mean? You’re here? Damn, Dirk, it’s early, and we

have work. I know you aren’t off today.”

He shrugged as if Cooper could see it. “I’m on night shift. You

opening or what?”

Cooper must have covered the phone because when he spoke his voice

was muffled. Dirk assumed he was talking to his lover. A tightening began
in Dirk’s crotch. He repositioned his cock frowning down at it. Cooper
came back on the line. “What’s your problem with ringing bells?”

“I’m walking up to the door,” he snapped and hung up.
Cooper opened the door, and Dirk strolled by him. He flopped on the

couch and put his feet up. An arm tossed over his head, he squinted at his
brother half dressed with a work shirt hanging open. Dirk yawned sleepily,
and Cooper shook his head at him. “You’ve been coming over more often
lately.”

“I’m not welcome?”
“Don’t be an idiot.”

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Eden Cole

Cooper turned to disappear somewhere else in the house, and Dirk lay

still, listening to the sounds of the two men moving about getting ready for
work. He considered whether he was really lonely or if it was just the
monotony of his life. The commander had been telling him to take some
time off, but what was the point? All he would do is lie around his own
house and watch television. After a while that would drive him stir crazy
and he’d be back to studying his current cases. Not worth the wasted time.

“Baby, where are my black socks?” Erik walked into the room. Cooper

called out something from wherever he was, but Dirk focused on his
boyfriend. He’d wrapped a towel around his waist, and his hard, tight ass
was clearly shaped behind it. Dirk’s cock stirred. He’d never gone after his
brother’s man, but it didn’t stop him from looking and liking what he saw
over the years. This time, though, his desire tugged at him.

Don’t do it, Dirk. Just lay here and keep your hands to yourself.
Before he realized what he was doing, he’d thrown his legs over the

side of the couch and sat up. A few long strides took him to the kitchen
where Erik had gone. Dirk staggered to a halt when he found Erik bent
over searching the dryer with his ass in the air. Dirk glanced down at the
tent in his pants. “Need some help?” he asked, forcing himself not to
move.

Erik glared at him over his shoulder. The relationship between Dirk,

Adam, and Erik wasn’t exactly one of friendship. They tolerated each
other, the main reason being that Dirk and Adam weren’t yet convinced
that Erik wouldn’t break Cooper’s heart like all the men he’d loved in the
past. And what are you doing?

He walked over to stand behind Erik, way too close. A whiff of soap

assailed his nostrils, and he breathed deep. Erik’s skin was still damp from
his shower, and Dirk imagined licking it off the tanned skin, rippled over
hard muscles.

“I get the feeling you haven’t had it in the ass,” he commented.
Erik whipped around, clutching his towel where it had slipped. “Back

off, Dirk.”

Dirk grinned and eyed the towel. “You can let that go. I don’t mind.”

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Eden Cole

“Don’t you have work to do?”
“I’d love to work on eating your cock.” He stepped closer until his

hard-on brushed the front of Erik’s towel. Erik brought his hands up as if
to shove him, but Dirk caught them. He’d been trained to restrain men a
lot bigger than he was, and while Erik was big in his own right, he wasn’t
as solidly built as Dirk. Bringing him into his control wasn’t the slightest
issue. Dirk had the man bent over the dryer in a millisecond and spooned
his nice round ass. He groaned. “You know you want it.

Erik fought against his hold. “Back the fuck off! This is how you do

your brother?”

For a full ten seconds, Dirk didn’t budge. He battled with the desire

that raged through his body and the guilt in his head from coming on to
the man. Before he could make a decision, the kitchen door cracked
against the wall.

“Dirk, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Cooper demanded.
Dirk swore under his breath. He released Erik and backed away

holding his hands up. “It’s not what you think, bro.”

“Oh, it’s not what I think? You weren’t just coming onto my partner?”

Cooper advanced on him. Dirk saw it coming but let it happen. He
deserved it. His younger brother jerked him in the collar, his face a mask
of anger. Erik tried coming between them to pull Cooper away, but his
brother shrugged off his lover’s hold.

“I…” Dirk began, but Cooper’s fist connected with his jaw. He winced

in pain. “Guess I deserved that.” He swallowed the blood from the inside
of his cut lip.

“Get out,” Cooper said.
“Coop—”
“I said get out. Thanks to you we’re both going to be late. Get the hell

out before I put you on the floor.”

Dirk sneered. “You could try it, little brother. Anyway, you’re not

choosing him over me? He liked it. Why don’t you feel how hard he got
with me on his ass?”

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This time Erik came at him, but Dirk ducked out of reach. He knew he

was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself. Every word brought more shame
and disgust. He never intended to be the one who hurt Cooper. He wanted
to protect his brother as the most sensitive of the three of them, the one
their parents had coddled, oddly enough, the middle kid. Cooper had been
the clear favorite of their parents, but he and Adam had felt the same way
about him. There was something about Cooper that demanded they look
out for him. Now Dirk began to wonder if he’d harbored a little
resentment all these years.

“I’m going,” he muttered on the way to the door. I should apologize.

The words didn’t pass his lips before he left the house, got into his car,
and drove away. He sighed on the way to the station. His shift didn’t start
for several hours, but what else did he have going on?

* * * *

“If you weren’t such a fuck up, I wouldn’t have to cover your ass,”

Dirk growled to a fellow detective. “I’m sick of everyone thinking I don’t
mind taking on what you’re too damn lazy to do.”

“What did you say?” The bigger man with shoulders seemingly as

wide as a door came at Dirk, but he stood his ground. Comments both for
and against him were tossed out from the other officers in the station. A
door nearby squeaked open.

“Dare! My office now!” his commander shouted.
The second meaty fist about to pummel him in one day paused mid-

swing, and his coworker shoved him away before returning to his desk.
Dirk weaved through the narrow aisles toward his boss’s office. He knew
he was in trouble, but today his mood and his mouth had taken him where
he didn’t want to go. He could apologize to Marvin later, but what about
Cooper?

He strolled into the office and took a chair. The door slammed behind

him. His boss Ryan sat on the edge of his desk and glared at Dirk. “What’s
your problem?”

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Dirk searched his mind for an excuse that would fly with his superior

officer. Ryan was fair but tough too. He didn’t take crap off of the guys,
and with Dirk’s attitude in the last few weeks, he would be less tolerant.
“Bad morning,” he said when no ideas came to mind.

“Bad morning? That’s what you want to tell me is the reason you

chewed off half of Marvin’s ass just now?” He stood up and moved closer.
Dirk half expected to have another fist flying at him, but Ryan stopped
short, standing over him. Dirk had noticed his boss’s size and looks from
the first time he’d met him. He’d done so in a way that was just
acknowledgement that the dark hair and eyes and the heavily muscled
build worked together to make a very sexy man. Couple that with the
man’s take charge attitude and the fact that he’d been promoted to his
current status well before his late thirties. At thirty-eight, Ryan was hot.
Dirk could see that, but he’d never even thought of him in any sexual way
because he was his boss and because it was rumored that Ryan had a bitch
of an ex-wife. He was straight—in essence off the table. Dirk didn’t waste
his time trying to convert the straight, and Ryan had never given him
reason to.

“You’ve done a lot of good in your career, Dirk, but you’re about

ready to piss it all away. Is that what you want?”

Dirk wasn’t intimidated by anyone, but he had a healthy respect for

Ryan. The man had put aside his position on more than one occasion to be
a friend when Dirk needed it. He’d done the same for a few of the others
in the department. He didn’t like disappointing the man.

Dirk ran his hand over his head and sighed. “Look, Ryan—”
“No, you look,” Ryan snapped. To Dirk’s surprise, he jerked his chin

up and stared down into Dirk’s eyes. The move was one he’d used on
lovers before, but he didn’t see desire in Ryan’s eyes. What he saw was
concern from a friend. “I’m going to save you from yourself.”

For a minute, Dirk thought the man lowered his head more, bringing

himself closer to Dirk’s lips, but when he blinked, he realized he’d
imagined it. That’s all he needed now, to come onto the commander and
be tossed out on his ass. He shook himself and tried to pull it together. By

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the time he did, Ryan had moved back across the room and taken a seat
behind his desk. Dirk shifted in his chair. He folded a leg over the other
and dropped his hands in his lap. Maybe he just needed to get laid, and
fast.

Ryan picked up a folder from his desk and set it down. He seemed

distracted although Dirk couldn’t imagine why. “You’re on vacation
starting now. You don’t come back until I say.”

“What?” Dirk jumped to his feet. “Ryan, you know how I get when

I’m home alone too long. I’ll go stir crazy. Who’s going to take care of my
cases?”

Ryan’s brows dropped low over his blue eyes. “Contrary to the insult

you flung at his head, Marvin can handle them. My decision is made.”

Dirk swore.
“You have something else to say, Dare?”
He clenched his jaw. “No, sir.”
The lack of appreciation for his use of the word sir was obvious in

Ryan’s expression. He commanded respect from the men, but he hated
formalities. Still the men called him by his last name, all except Dirk. He
didn’t know when he’d picked up calling the commander Ryan, but he did
it only in private. The habit made him forget sometimes who he was
dealing with. Changing it now obviously pissed Ryan off more.

“Get out of my office before you get yourself in trouble.”
Dirk fought not to salute in his anger. If he knew anything about Ryan,

he knew not to push the man. He wasn’t some weak little pansy
commander that had been promoted because he was around the longest.
His few scars and his record removing violent criminals from the streets
spoke for themselves. Ryan was a hard ass, and Dirk liked him for it.

That night, deciding it was best to go with his previous thought about

getting laid, Dirk showered and changed from his regular, non-descript
clothing to something more stylish and fit to pick up a man. He didn’t like
going to a gay bar for some reason, so he hit the regular spots. The habit
had never let him down up until now.

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Eden Cole

As soon as Dirk walked into one of his favorite clubs, one he hadn’t

visited in quite a while, he saw his target. The blond with bright eyes and a
ready smile, a half head shorter than Dirk with a slender figure that was
almost feminine. Just a lay, nothing more. Dirk preferred a harder man
with a lot more testosterone, but he went with pretty tonight. Now that he
thought of it, he could have gone to a gay bar.

His prey was surrounded by beauties. If they only knew. He almost

laughed watching. The man wasn’t pushing them away. He held their
conversation and probably basked in the attention, but Dirk knew without
a doubt the guy had no real interest in the women. He didn’t know how he
knew, but he did.

Dirk weaved his way through the crowd jerking to pounding music.

Fair eyes that might be gray met his and widened a little. He allowed one
side of his lips to rise in a half smile. The light-heartedness went no farther
than his expression. When he drew up to the small group, he stopped.
“Buy you a drink?”

The blond held up a glass. “Got one.”
“Then dance with me.” Dirk didn’t wait for an answer. He reached out

and nabbed the slender wrist, effectively relieving the women of their
prize. The exclamations around him meant nothing to Dirk as the man’s
body met his. Dirk’s cock grew harder but not fully erect. He didn’t expect
the man to fight him, and he didn’t. The blond allowed Dirk to guide him
out to the dance floor, and they stood close but scarcely moved.

“That was naughty of you.” The guy laughed up at Dirk, and he

cringed a little. He didn’t like men who acted like women. He wanted a
man. The face was beautiful, and he bet the body was too. That would be
enough for tonight. “So what do you do?”

“I’m a cop,” he said and almost put his hand over the guy’s mouth.

“What’s your name?”

“Bobby.”
Dirk frowned. The name didn’t fit. “Have you ever had a man in bed?”

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“Of course.” A flash of another smile revealing straight, white teeth.

He rested a hand on Dirk’s chest and let it roam lower. “You didn’t tell me
your name.”

“Do you want to go home with me tonight?”
Bobby frowned and whipped out of his arms. He walked away, and

Dirk followed. They found a table and sat down. Dirk scooted closer to
Bobby and rested a hand on his thigh. He was glad to find some hard
muscle there. Bobby covered his hand. He thought he was going to push
him away, but he dragged Dirk’s hand higher. In the dim interior of the
club, Dirk found the other’s man’s cock beneath his slacks and squeezed.
The shaft wasn’t very hard, but he had no doubt he could work it until it
got there. His own cock was there, and he wanted to find the nearest dark
spot to take care of business.

Bobby downed the rest of his drink. “You can buy me a drink now.”
With a frown, Dirk took his order and went to the bar to get one for

him as well. He returned to the table in time to find more women and a
couple men crowding his table. Bobby practically glowed in the attention
and prattled off on some topic that was both inane and irritating. Dirk
ground his teeth and handed Bobby his beer.

He leaned over to press his lips to the man’s ear. “Are you ready?”
“Not yet.” He pouted. Dirk clenched his hands into fists and shoved

them into his pockets. Bobby laughed. “You should see your face. Are all
cops grumpy like you? Come on. Tonight is for fun and relaxation. Drink
your beer.”

Maybe he was too young, Dirk supposed. He looked to be about

twenty-two if that. Dirk liked older men, but he never went after them.
Then why the hell did I choose him? Why did I come here, and why do I
keep denying myself what I really want? For a moment he thought of his
brother and Erik, and a sense of longing hit him so hard, he almost
doubled over from it. Was he in love with Cooper’s boyfriend? No, that
wasn’t it. He was lonely, and it was time to find someone real, someone
who could last a while. If that was the case, why go after Bobby? Was he

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scared? He refused to accept that. He was a hardened detective, for Pete’s
sake.

“Dirk.”
He glanced up into the face of his commander and gasped.

“Commander, what are you doing here?”

Ryan shrugged. “Having a drink just like you.”
Dirk looked past him to see a beautiful woman and another man

standing close by. He wondered if she was with Ryan.

“Good to see you’re not sulking at home,” Ryan told him.
Dirk frowned. “You too.”
The curiosity in his gaze when it moved from Dirk to Bobby and back

again was obvious. Dirk guessed his boss could see it too, even if the
women didn’t. Maybe they did know and liked it. Ryan had picked up on
the fact that Bobby was gay, but Dirk didn’t give a damn. He’d never
hidden his preferences. His boss had never treated him differently than the
other guys in that respect.

Ryan nodded and walked away with his group. Dirk found himself

scanning the bar later to see where his boss had ended up. They were in
the opposite corner, and a few others had joined them. Dirk couldn’t
determine from the only woman in the group if she was interested in Ryan
or one of the others. Does it matter?

He focused on his own table and Bobby who seemed more interested

in teasing him than anything else. Fed up, Dirk grabbed his hand and
jerked it to lie over his crotch. “You want this or not?”

“You move fast. How about some wooing?” Bobby teased.
Dirk stood up. He knew the man was right, but he couldn’t get a grip.

He found the hall leading to the restrooms and dialed his brother. As soon
as Cooper answered, he realized of all times this was the poorest to call.
The music was too loud, and it was late. If Cooper had a shift in the
morning, he’d not appreciate being awakened from his sleep.

“Hey, bro,” Dirk said with as much casualness as he could muster.
“Dirk.” The Antarctic couldn’t be colder.

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Eden Cole

“Uh, look, Coop, I wanted to apologize about the other night. I

shouldn’t have come onto your guy.”

The long silence unsettled him. “Coop?”
“You think that settles it?”
Desperation roiled in Dirk’s gut. “I didn’t mean to—”
“It sounds like you were so broken up about almost ruining the best

thing I’ve had going in a long time that you’re calling me from a bar.
What, did you drink enough to finally feel guilty?”

“Cooper…” His little brothers were all Dirk had in the way of family,

and he didn’t want to lose the relationship he had with them. He knew he
should have thought of that sooner. “I’m sorry, man. I want to make it up
to you. I will make it up.”

“Don’t bother. Look, I need some time to get over it. Don’t call me.”

He hung up. Dirk stood there staring at his phone. The pressure in his
chest intensified, and he found it hard to breathe. He’d been through
worse, hadn’t he? Emotions never got to him. He did what he had to do for
the job. But this with Cooper went beyond the job.

Dirk sagged against the wall and closed his eyes. In a few minutes,

he’d be fine again. After all, Cooper hadn’t said he never wanted to speak
to him again. He said he needed time. That was fine, but when Adam
heard about what he’d done, the shit would hit all over again. Adam’s
temper wouldn’t allow Dirk to get off so easily as to give his brother
space. Adam would hound him into the ground and blow whatever guilt
Dirk felt to monumental proportions.

Dirk shoved a hand into his hair and pressed the heel of a palm into his

eye. His chest tightened even more, and if the music wasn’t blaring so
loud, he was sure everyone would be able to hear his raspy breaths.

A heavy hand come down on his shoulder, startling him from his self-

pity. “Hey, you okay?”

He looked up into the concerned eyes of his boss. “Yeah.”
The single word must have been unconvincing because Ryan moved

closer and squeezed his shoulder. “Talk!” When Dirk opened his mouth,

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the commander shook his head. “No, not here, somewhere quieter. Let’s
go, and this time, you’re going to tell me what your problem is.”

“I need someone to tell me,” Dirk quipped, but he went with him.
They left the bar with its noise and suffocating atmosphere. Dirk didn’t

complain when Ryan ushered him into his car, leaving Dirk’s behind.
They drove in heavy traffic, and once they were in a quiet, dark spot, Ryan
cut the engine. He turned toward Dirk with expectance in his expression,
and Dirk shifted in his seat.

“You’re going to think I’m a class A ass when I tell you,” he stalled.
“No more than I think so already,” Ryan said, from the sound of it

only half-teasing.

Dirk sighed. He peered out the window rather than look in his boss’s

face, which wasn’t like him. He liked to face a man head-on. “You know
my younger brother, Cooper?”

“Yeah, of course. He was at the game. A uniformed cop, right?”
“Yeah. Adam, the youngest was too. But Cooper is special. We’ve

always thought so, all of us, my parents, me, and Adam. He was…is… the
most sensitive. He loves hard and fast, and we protect him when we can.
But I…”

When he fell silent, Ryan prodded him. “You what?”
Dirk ran his damp palms over his slacks. “I came onto his boyfriend.”
“You did what!”
“I know, damn it!” he growled. “You asked, and I’m telling you. I

don’t need you judging me.” When his commander’s brows lowered, and
his eyes narrowed, Dirk bit his tongue. “Sorry, I—”

“No, go on.” Ryan leaned back in his chair. Out of habit neither wore a

seatbelt as their job sometimes called for jumping out of the car and
chasing down a suspect. Being stuck strapped in wasn’t the best for
getting it done. Ryan held up his hands. “I’ve finally got you talking, so
I’m not going to butt in. You’re one of my best men, and you’ve got a lot
of years left in you.”

Dirk chuckled despite his mood. “Gee, thanks.” He made the sudden

decision to get out of the car and walk a little way along the dark road with

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his hands shoved into his pockets. The sound of the other door opening
and closing let him know that Ryan had followed. When Ryan drew up
beside him, he continued. “I don’t know what came over me, or what’s
been going on lately. I love Cooper.”

He choked on the word, not being a man who expressed his feelings

much, just like many others. The only reason he felt like he could say it
was he knew Ryan was a huge advocate of the men opening up. He’d
preached it as the best thing they could do with dealing with what they did
every day.

“I don’t want to fuck up what he has, but I found myself grabbing for

it, to take it away. I’ve had tons of relationships. Or a string of one night
stands. That’s how I preferred it. My work came first, and nothing else
mattered. I wasn’t lonely for the warm and fuzzy stuff.”

He glanced over at his boss, but Ryan’s head was bowed as he

watched his feet while they walked. Dirk couldn’t be sure how he took
what he said to him, but since Ryan wasn’t judging, he went on.

“I reacted. My body reacted. I just kept pushing. Once I kissed him

and let Cooper believe I was just testing Erik. I watched them have sex. It
got me excited and wanting more. I know Erik is into my brother, and I
also know I can have him if I want him.”

This time Ryan raised his head. “You’re that confident, or has he

shown you interest?”

Dirk shrugged. “I usually get what I want, but I like to think I’m not an

ass about it.”

Ryan’s brow told him he didn’t believe it. That irritated Dirk.
“So you think I’m pond scum, huh?”
They stopped walking and faced each other. For a while, Ryan didn’t

say a word. He seemed to study Dirk’s face in the dim lighting of a nearby
streetlight. Dirk had opened up more than he’d ever done to anyone, yet he
hadn’t shared all that was deep inside. That would take a crowbar, he
suspected. Besides, he wasn’t sure about it all himself. Maybe he was in
denial. Surely, he wasn’t jealous of Cooper, was he?

“Well?” he prodded Ryan.

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“Two things,” Ryan began. “One, if you want any kind of relationship

with your brother, you’d better figure out quick how to stop messing with
his lover. Two, get laid.”

Dirk’s eyes bugged. “That’s your advice?”
“I’m no psychiatrist! What did you want to hear, Dirk? That you are

the one that was wronged here? You wanted me to tell you I feel sorry for
you and that everybody loves Cooper, but no one loves you, and that’s
why you’re doing what you’re doing? You’re a man. Suck it up! It’s not
all about you.”

Dirk fisted his hands in his pockets. He turned to walk away, but Ryan

grabbed his arm. Before he knew it, his fist connected with Ryan’s jaw,
but his commander didn’t hold back. He slugged Dirk in return with a
whole lot more skill and force. Dirk landed on his ass. He didn’t stay
down though. Rather, he tucked his feet under him and sprang at Ryan,
grabbed him around the thighs and brought him down to the ground. Dirk
scrambled over him, but he couldn’t keep his advantage. Ryan brought a
knee up into his side and flipped him to his back. The wind whooshed
from Dirk’s lungs as Ryan brought his heavy weight down on his chest
and then slammed his arms just above his head.

“I can bring charges down on you for assaulting a superior officer,”

Ryan growled at him. Dirk opened his mouth to speak, but Ryan cut him
off. “I won’t. I got you out here to talk, and I provoked you.”

“Wha—”
“I said you need to get laid, and you do—with the right man and not

some young idiot who has more hair than brains.”

Ryan brought his mouth down over Dirk’s, smothering anything he’d

been about to say. On instinct, Dirk parted his lips. Shock kept him
immobile when Ryan’s tongue slipped into his mouth and skimmed the
warm, wet interior. His cock hardened. To his knowledge, he’d never
considered looking at Ryan in any kind of sexual way, yet he found
himself turned on so much that he could come in his boxers right now.

Don’t do it. This is your boss. He’s the commander for Pete’s sake.

Get up and walk away. He lectured himself over and over, yet when Ryan

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released his hands, he roamed them over Ryan’s back, skimmed his hips,
and he pushed up toward the man. Of course, it wasn’t like he could get
free without a struggle. Ryan lay over him, crushing him into the hard
ground. Dirk didn’t feel any discomfort. All he wanted was to enjoy
Ryan’s touch, but this wasn’t right. Ryan wasn’t gay.

Ryan lifted his head and stared down into Dirk’s eyes. He couldn’t see

the expression in them because of the little light, so he wasn’t sure if they
were filled with the lust that snaked through Dirk’s system. Ryan had been
right. He did need to get laid, but not with his boss. Not here.

He licked his lips. “We should…” What? Get up? Stop this and go

home? He might be confused about a lot of things, but he knew he wanted
more. A lot more. Ryan’s mouth had tasted so good. Maybe it was because
he was off limits, both being straight and being his boss. One more kiss
couldn’t hurt anything, and no one would know.

Dirk raised a hand and touched Ryan’s hair. He’d never known it was

this silky and thick, that this close it smelled of a familiar shampoo that he
couldn’t name. Every breath of air Ryan exhaled against his lips created a
reaction in Dirk’s body too. His cock couldn’t get any harder, and his
pants restricted it. He wanted to tear them off. No, he wanted to tear off
Ryan’s clothes and see him naked. What would he look like? Hard
muscle? Of course. Ryan’s body was exactly the type Dirk liked.

One more kiss. Just one, and then I’ll remember who he is.
He leaned up to take his boss’s lips again, and Ryan met him half way.

Their lips locked, parted, and a moan stirred in Dirk’s throat. He thought
he heard an answering one from Ryan but labeled it a figment of his
heated imagination. Why was he doing this though? Why would he let
Dirk kiss him? He didn’t care.

They tasted each other for long moments, their tongues curling

together and then sliding along the soft interiors of each other’s mouth.
When Ryan stood up, Dirk had to bite down on a protest. The dream was
over. He shuffled to his feet as Ryan headed back toward the car. They’d
been lucky no one had caught them. They’d have hell to pay if anyone had
come along.

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Why the hell did he do it? Because he felt sorry for me? That’s not like

him. The commander tells it like it is, and damn anybody to say different.

“Dare, come on,” came the command from the car.
He swallowed. Having no idea if this was going further or if Ryan

would tell him he made a mistake, Dirk got back into the car, and Ryan
drove. They sat in silence for long minutes, and Dirk realized they were
not headed back to the bar as he expected. He’d been to Ryan’s apartment
once or twice for a barbecue on his rooftop. Ryan had been talking about
starting a garden out there. The project had been his ex-wife’s idea, and
most of the men, including Dirk, had figured it would never happen
without her.

Dirk didn’t say a word when they parked and headed up to the

apartment. He accepted the offer of a beer, and while he waited for Ryan
to bring it back, he wandered near the stairs that led outside.

“It’s done, mostly,” Ryan said behind him.
Dirk spun around and then took the offered beer. “Thanks. Mind if I

see?”

They headed up the stairs, and Ryan unlocked the door. Dirk couldn’t

believe what he was seeing. Ryan walked up behind him and moved by
too close. Dirk was so aware of him in a whole new way that he almost
missed what the man was saying.

“I grow cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, and a few different types of

herbs up here.” He gestured for Dirk to follow while he gave him a tour of
the small space. “I checked out a few books from the library and bought a
few. That helped me learn a lot. I can catch rain water and even trap heat
to help my plants grow.”

“I admit I never would have figured you to do this kind of thing. None

of us would,” Dirk said.

Ryan pinned him with his blue eyes. “Does it make you think I’m

weak, Dare?”

“How could I think that?”
The cop left off talking about his pet project and moved closer to Dirk.

With the construction over them, Dirk couldn’t even feel the biting New

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York wind. They were cocooned in what amounted to a greenhouse, and at
one end, Ryan had designed an area where he grew colorful flowers, and a
bench with a side table had also been added to spend time admiring his
creations. Ryan took his hand and led him to that area. Again, Dirk didn’t
complain or ask questions. He followed, and they sat down on the bench
side-by-side, placing their beers on the table. He thought Ryan must have
changed his mind about whatever he intended to do out here until he
leaned around and captured Dirk’s lips in a hungry kiss.

Ryan’s heavy hands came down on his shoulders, and Dirk gasped into

his mouth. “Sir,” he said without thinking.

Ryan shoved him against the brick wall behind the bench. He kissed

down Dirk’s neck. Dirk shivered. His cock strained in his pants,
demanding to be let free to get at some action. Ryan must have sensed his
need because he laid a palm over Dirk’s shaft and squeezed. Dirk cried
out, not in pain but in ecstasy. He tried reining in his need, but it was
impossible.

“I know you want this,” Ryan whispered when he found Dirk’s mouth

again.

“I…” Was this how Ryan had been helping the men recover all this

time when they had issues? He couldn’t believe that was true. Otherwise it
would have gotten out. Was it just for him? He didn’t believe that either.
He didn’t know what to think, and the fact that he was so wishy-washy
about it was pissing him off. He wanted to just enjoy it for as long as it
lasted. That pretty boy at the club wasn’t his type. Ryan was. Sexy, big,
hard men like his commander. Oh yeah, I want it all right!

He tried to abandon his doubts and questions for the sheer bliss Ryan

offered. When he extended a hand to stroke Ryan as much as he was
getting stroked, his boss didn’t object. Even through his pants, Dirk felt
how big Ryan was, and it excited him. Stiff and long, his cock was
unbelievable, and Dirk couldn’t wait to see it uncovered.

“Take off your pants.”
Dirk scrambled to do as he was commanded. He heeled out of his

shoes and kicked his slacks away. Ryan, appearing impatient, helped him

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with his boxers. Dirk’s cock sprang out, jutting from his body toward
Ryan. His boss looked down at it, and Dirk tried reading his expression in
the moonlight and the glow of the city around them. There wasn’t a hint of
disgust. Ryan dropped to his knees, and to Dirk’s surprise and satisfaction
took his cock into his mouth. A shudder rocked Dirk to his core. He had to
hold onto the wall to keep himself upright. Ryan’s sucks were long and
hungry. He licked the underside of Dirk’s dick before returning to the
head and pulling on it some more.

Normally, Dirk would tangle his fingers into his lover’s hair and

demand more. He’d jerk the guy to him enough to force him to swallow a
few inches, all without hurting his throat. However, this was Ryan. His
confidence wasn’t there, and something told him he wasn’t the man on top
in this coupling. That brought new considerations to mind.

Ryan paused and looked up at him with the tip of his dick poised on

his firm, wet lips. Dirk’s shaft twitched, but Ryan frowned. “You’re
thinking too much. Stop it.”

“I’m not,” he lied.
Ryan released his cock and stood up. He pulled Dirk to him and kissed

his lips while he rubbed and pinched his ass. Dirk couldn’t believe how
good it felt to be in this man’s arms, to be touched by him. He wrapped his
arms around Ryan’s shoulders and pressed in tighter. His cock ached, it
wanted so much more. He’d been used to taking his lovers, but would
Ryan feel okay with that? Did he want him to be?

When his boss drew back, Dirk let go even though he wanted to hold

on a little longer. Ryan rested his forehead against Dirk’s and parted his
ass cheeks to push a finger between them. The digit didn’t penetrate his
hole, but it was enough pressure to drive him insane. He moaned and
ground his hips into Ryan’s.

Ryan focused on Dirk’s lips, still teasing his ass hole. “I want to get

back here. Are you okay with that?”

The question took Dirk by surprise. He half expected it of course, but

for Ryan to come right out with it threw him for a loop. He searched his
mind. “It’s not like I haven’t before. I just usually…”

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“Yeah, I figured that about you.”
Dirk didn’t know if that was a bad thing or a good thing as to how

Ryan meant it. He waited for Ryan to expound, like volunteer that he’d
done it before and he was comfortable getting as well as giving, but he
said nothing. Dirk didn’t remember ever feeling so good and so damn
unsure.

When he said nothing, Ryan turned him and wrapped his arms around

his waist from behind. He kissed along Dirk’s neck and stuck his tongue
out to lick that sensitive spot at the base. Dirk shuddered. He felt Ryan’s
cock hard behind him, and longing took hold of him.

“Can I put it here or not?” Ryan asked in a whisper.
Who the hell would tell him no? “Yes.”
The clink of Ryan’s belt being undone was erotic in itself. When he

heard the rustle of his boss’s pants as he shuffled out of them, Dirk
couldn’t help looking over his shoulder. His mouth watered at the size of
Ryan’s cock. Jutting from his body, it stood proud as the man, and long.
The thickness drew his hand in an attempt to gauge the girth. Dirk ran his
hand up and down the length, and Ryan stood still, leaning back a little
and allowing him to explore all he wanted. Dirk would have fallen to his
knees to have a taste, but Ryan cut him short and nudged him back to the
wall.

They stood next to the bench in a narrow space that allowed just

enough room for them to spread their legs. Herbal and floral scents
permeated the air, seeming like opium set to seduce Dirk along with his
superior officer. He grabbed Ryan’s left hand and pushed a finger between
his lips. Ryan gasped, but Dirk kept sucking. When Ryan’s digit was good
and wet, he guided it to his ass and curved up a little getting to his tiptoes.
Ryan threaded it into his hole, and Dirk cried out.

“Yes, oh, yeah, feels so good,” he moaned. If he was in his right mind,

it would embarrass him to let his boss see him like this, but Ryan was the
one causing it, and he couldn’t help himself.

Ryan thumped both of Dirk’s hands on the wall and commanded in his

ear. “Keep them there and spread ‘em.”

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A chill of desire raced over Dirk. He did as he was told and waited.

Ryan worked his ass, massaged the hole, pushed in, and then pulled out.
He wet another finger and worked that one in too. Dirk was not a virgin.
Even if he didn’t get it very often, he loved his lover playing with his ass,
eating at it, and fingering it until he exploded, so he was ready quickly. He
started to plead with Ryan to do it now, but he didn’t have to say a word.
Ryan positioned himself behind Dirk with his hands on Dirk’s hips. One
sharp thrust, and he was in. Dirk gasped, this time with a slight bit of pain.
Ryan should have taken it a little slower going in. He clenched his hands
into fists, and Ryan covered them. He stopped moving and rested his
cheek against Dirk’s.

“You’re a little rough, aren’t you, commander?” Dirk pushed between

his teeth.

“Am I?” The expression on Ryan’s face was unreadable. Dirk couldn’t

be sure if he was sorry or not. He offered no apology, but he did go easier.

He started moving in at an unhurried pace, and then withdrew. He

pushed in slowly and pulled out once again. Moans escaped both of them,
and Dirk turned his head to kiss Ryan. They stuck out the tips of their
tongues as if the energy to do more had been stolen away. As far as Dirk
was concerned it was. All his strength and probably his blood raced to his
cock and to his ass where the pleasure of Ryan fucking him was mind-
blowing. He arched his back a little more to get a better angle. Ryan’s arm
crushed him at the mid-section, sealing his body to him. He picked up the
pace.

“You like me fucking you, Dare?”
Dirk shivered. “Damn it, Ryan, you know I do. Do me harder.”
The thrust nearly sent him through the wall. He held on gasping for

breath. Ryan moved closer until the fronts of his thighs touched the backs
of Dirk’s. He dipped his knees, allowed his dick to slide out some, and
then he came up hard. Dirk was so full, his head spun a little. He held his
grip with fierce determination. Ryan wasn’t going to see him collapse in
ecstasy like some green boy. Yet, from the tremor that seemed to pass

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over Ryan’s hands clutched with his, he knew his boss was affected as
well.

Their bodies pounded together over and over, and the sounds their

connection made drove his desire higher. Dirk loved the feel of Ryan’s
balls slapping at his ass. The fine hairs on Ryan’s legs teased his skin. He
was lost, and an orgasm was building fast. Ryan’s thrusts worked his
prostate until he lost all rational thought. He was going to come, and he
had no control over it except to reach down and stroke himself. When he
tried, Ryan barked in his ear.

“Get it back up there!”
Even while he longed to jerk off, Ryan’s aggressiveness turned him

on. Dirk held still and let Ryan abuse his ass in the most pleasurable way.
He allowed his head to fall back and for Ryan to nibble at his throat, all
the while plowing into him non-stop. After some time, Ryan grunted and
stopped moving. Hot cream filled Dirk’s ass, and just knowing it, he came
without even touching himself. He exploded hot and hard, pulling a weak
moan from his throat. They stayed where they were long moments as the
last traces of bliss eased away. Then Ryan withdrew.

Dirk crumpled against the wall. His ass was sore, and his thighs ached

a little, which was absurd. He kept his body in shape because of the job.
Not wanting Ryan to know, he straightened and turned around, but he was
alone. Ryan had disappeared down the stairs without making a sound. Did
he regret what they’d done now that he had come?

Dirk scrambled into his clothes, but when it came time to go

downstairs, he took his time. All the thoughts he’d struggled with before
came flooding back, including whether Ryan’s regret would lead to him
losing his job. That might not be fair since it wasn’t like he’d raped his
boss, but it didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Even as he considered this
descending the stairs, he was aware of the craving in his body. He wanted
more, a lot more. He wanted to see what it felt like to lie in bed with Ryan
and to suck his dick. He wanted to kiss him some more. Maybe he did
have some psychological problems, going after men he couldn’t or
shouldn’t have lately.

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When he reached the living room, he didn’t see Ryan. He thought he

heard rustling in the bedroom, and a sudden urge to escape came over him.
He couldn’t face Ryan after what they did. If the man were just
experimenting and he hated it or worse—hated himself for doing it—Dirk
didn’t want to know. He’d gotten off on the gruffness of Ryan’s voice
when he demanded to know if Dirk liked him fucking him. The rough
treatment had been something he’d done to others but never received.
Thinking about getting it like that made him hard all over again, but he
couldn’t have Ryan. The best choice for both of them would be if he left
without a word.

* * * *

Dirk woke the next morning but didn’t stir from bed. The best thing he

could think about this day was that he didn’t have to go into work tonight.
The worst was that he didn’t have to go in. What would he do with his
day? The night before came to mind and with it thoughts of Ryan. He’d
actually done it, slept with his boss. Of course that had happened tons of
times with women who worked in offices, but in this situation, it seemed
more drastic, especially when it came to the commander.

He turned over in his bed and reached for his cell phone, which he had

turned off and left on the bedside table. Usually, it wasn’t far and was
always available just in case he got a call about work. Last night he’d been
in a mood, feeling both sour about leaving the way he did and anxious
he’d get the news he didn’t want from Ryan.

Now he turned the phone on and waited for messages to pop up. When

they did, he scrolled through looking for Ryan’s number. He wasn’t
among them. “What the hell? Not even a nice fuck, talk to you later.”

He couldn’t blame him of course. After all Dirk had walked out. While

he was pissed off, justifiably or not, he was even more confused. What did
Ryan want from him? Now his mood turned black, and he flung the covers
off to rise. He was halfway to Cooper’s house when he remembered his
brother had asked for space. Surely he hadn’t been thinking about

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admitting to him what happened between him and Ryan. Stopped at a light
half a mile from Cooper’s, he ran a hand over his face while he thought.
What had happened as far as Ryan was concerned? An experiment?

He needed to talk to someone, and the only people he’d ever shared

even half of what was on his mind with was his brothers. While he made a
U-turn and headed in the opposite direction, he tugged his phone from his
pocket and speed-dialed Adam. When he answered, Dirk said, “Got time
for coffee?”

“I don’t know if I want to. You’ve been a dick lately,” Adam quipped.
Dirk tightened his lips. “I know.”
“Not even an apology?”
“I wasn’t a dick to you.”
Adam sighed. “Fair enough. Meet me at the usual place. I don’t have

long. Gotta be at the station by eleven.”

“Great.”
Dirk met his brother at the usual diner which was halfway between the

station he worked from and the firehouse where Adam was employed.
They arrived about the same time, and Dirk nodded to his brother before
choosing a booth. He searched Adam’s features on the opposite side of the
table to gauge whether he was pissed off. He seemed calm. They ordered
their coffees, and Dirk requested an egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich as
well since he hadn’t had breakfast yet.

“So what’s up?” Adam asked.
Dirk fiddled with a spoon stirring his coffee unnecessarily. He took it

black without sugar and cream, so the utensil wasn’t needed. A scan of
their surroundings showed the usual suspects, a few people just sitting at
the counter while they searched the New York Times’ wanted ads, a few
obvious college students between classes, and a smattering of office
personnel in suits or business casual. The waitress flitted about from table
to table, and no one seemed to pay them any mind.

He gripped his coffee mug with both hands and let the heat seep into

his fingers. “I slept with my boss last night,” he muttered.

“What?” Adam leaned forward. “Say again?”

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Dirk gritted his teeth. He pinned his brother with a glare. “I said I slept

with Ryan. Last night.”

“What the fuck, Dirk?” Adam shouted.
Dirk snarled. “Keep your voice down, damn it.” He glanced around

again. Although he was distracted, nervous, and embarrassed to be talking
about what happened, on some level of his brain, he noted the man that
had just walked into the diner. Dirk shifted his gaze back to his brother.
“So you remember him, the time he came to Cooper’s barbeque?”

Adam nodded. “And he stopped by the game, although he didn’t play.

I never would have pegged him as being gay. Must keep it deep.”

Dirk frowned. “He’s not. Or at least I never thought he was. He was

just…the commander, I guess. He was married before, but he’s divorced.”

“So you two are together now, huh? Good you can stop going after

Erik.”

“I’m not going after him!”
Adam raised a brow. Dirk noted the reddening of his face. If he didn’t

keep his own temper under control, why would Adam? He sighed and sat
back. Another scan of the diner showed the man he watched sitting in the
far corner at a booth. He watched the waitress’s every move. Maybe she
was an ex-girlfriend he hadn’t gotten over yet.

“Anyway, I’m not with Ryan.” He shuffled his food around on his

plate when it arrived. All of a sudden, he wasn’t hungry. “I don’t know
what happened last night and why, but we’re not together.”

“Because you want Erik?”
“Would you get off of Erik?” Dirk snapped. “I made a mistake. I admit

that. Maybe it was because I feel…” He let that go. Getting too touchy-
feely made him want to squirm. He wished he could get back to work. At
least that way, he could get his mind off of this mess, but if he went into
the station, Ryan would likely be there. How he should behave in that case
was beyond him.

“You played with him like you do all the others. Is that it?” Adam

asked. Dirk glared, but his brother didn’t back down. He looked right back
at Dirk and didn’t apologize for the insult. He was right, of course. Dirk

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had never been serious about anyone, but he hadn’t considered himself
playing last night. Never with the commander, and besides, he wasn’t the
one who… What?

Shoving his plate back, he slipped out of the booth and walked along

the diner to the other end. When he came to the table with the man he’d
been watching, he pushed his coat back a little to reveal the badge hanging
from his belt. The man’s eyes widened. “What do we have here?” Dirk
asked.

Beads of sweat broke out on the man’s face, and he stuttered. “I

haven’t done anything wrong.”

“And you’re not going to, are you?” Dirk demanded.
“She won’t let me see my kid,” the guy said, and ran a hand over his

mouth. “I have a right—”

“And how are you going to handle that situation?” Dirk interrupted.
The guy shifted in his seat and lowered his eyes. Dirk noted the

shoulders drop in defeat. “Do it legally,” he muttered.

“Good man.” Dirk nodded. “Now get lost.”
Before he could get the sentence fully uttered, the man had shuffled

from the booth and disappeared out the door. Dirk was confident he
wouldn’t return any time soon. When he was walking back to his brother,
he crossed the waitress’s path, and she flashed him a grateful smile and
rested a hand on his arm. “Thank you so much. I was just trying to ignore
him.”

Dirk considered encouraging her to let the man see his child, but he

wasn’t a counselor. They could work it out between them. If he interfered
with every person’s problem he came across, he’d never live his own life,
or get his job done. The guy had seemed close to doing something drastic,
and he had put a stop to it. The incident allowed him to get his mind off
his own confusion for at least a few minutes.

“No problem,” he said to the waitress and moved on.
When he got back to the table and sat down, Adam shook his head.

“Do you ever quit?”

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“We’re never really off duty.” He shrugged. The buzz in his pocket

caught his attention, and he pulled the phone out. Ryan’s name flashed on
the screen.

“From that deer in the headlights look on your face, I assume it’s your

boss,” Adam said. “So what are you going to do, Dirk? Do you have
feelings for him?”

Dirk winced. “Feelings?”
“Come on. Don’t give me that.” His brother swore. “Do you want it to

go on or not? Are you going to throw him aside like all the others?”

“It’s not like that.”
“Then how is it?”
The phone stopped ringing but started up again soon after. He

clenched it in his fist, resisting the urge to throw it across the room. He
knew he was being a wuss, but he didn’t know what he was going to say,
so he didn’t want to talk to Ryan. Also, if Ryan was going to fire him, then
that could wait too.

“I don’t know how it is, Adam. You’re the only one of the three of us

who doesn’t seem to be unlucky at relationships. You know what you
want, and you’ve been with your partner for years. I thought you could tell
me where I’m missing it.”

He figured Adam would make a dig at his choices when it came to sex

and men, but an earnest expression came over his youngest brother’s face,
and he leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “Decide what he
means to you, whether this was a one time thing or if you want it to be
ongoing. If it turns out you want him, then get him. Don’t muck it up. Just
go get him.”

For a long while, Dirk sat there after Adam left for the fire station. His

coffee grew cold along with the rest of his food. He’d shifted around a few
bites from it, but in the end gave up. What did he want? Did he feel
anything for Ryan?

Of course he did. They’d been through a lot, and now that he was

thinking of it, Ryan had treated him in a different way than the others.
Many nights when he was on night shift, so was his commander. They’d

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had lunch and talked when one or the other had time. Not important stuff
or about relationships, but about inane things like who won the game.
Every guy did that with his buddies and acquaintances alike. With Ryan,
he’d felt comfortable though, a feeling that went beyond the working
relationship. He’d told Ryan about men in his life, which was odd since he
never would have discussed them with any of the other straight guys down
at the station. Ryan had listened. He’d been gruff and rude on occasion,
but he always listened. That was the good thing about him. Dirk had
assumed he was that way with everyone. Still, what if he wasn’t?

He stood up from the table at last and left the diner. As he walked

down the street, hands in his pockets, his phone buzzed again. He pulled it
out. Ryan. Under normal circumstances, if his commander called and he
didn’t answer or at least call him back, he’d have his ass handed to him the
next time he showed up at the station. He could argue that he’d been
ordered to take time off, but that wasn’t likely to fly.

With a sigh, he stabbed the connect button. “Dare.”
“Now you decide to answer?” Ryan demanded.
Dirk forced a grin. “I’m on vacation, boss. I didn’t feel like I had to.”
“You didn’t feel?” Dirk could almost see the flared nostrils with

Ryan’s sneer. “Get in my office yesterday.” The line went dead.

Dirk heaved another sigh and turned his steps back toward his car. The

station wasn’t so far, but he might be clearing out his desk and turning in
his badge and gun. Better to be prepared for the worse. The trip to the
station was shorter than he liked, but he trudged into the precinct and took
the stairs to the third floor. The commander’s office occupied the back
west side of the building, and he had to nod a greeting to every officer in
that day. Most he didn’t see very often because he usually worked night
shift. So did Ryan, which was another concern about him being in before
noon.

As soon as Dirk caught sight of him sitting imposingly behind a wide

oak desk that was scratched and dulled from too many years of use, he had
a flashback to the night before—Ryan’s arms around him, clutching his
bare chest while they stood grinding together in ecstasy. His cock stirred

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in his pants, but he resisted readjusting it if only to avoid Ryan noticing.
He drew in a deep breath to settle his nerves and realized for the first time
how familiar and welcome Ryan’s scent was. The entire office was filled
with it. He’d never noticed until now that it was one of the things he
looked forward to each time he came in here, breathing Ryan in. Damn,
how could he have been attracted to the man all this time and not
recognize it for what it was? That seemed impossible, but he was
beginning to wonder.

Ryan met his eyes, and Dirk came to a stop. They stared at each other

in silence, Dirk trying to figure out what was on his boss’s mind. He
wasn’t clear about himself, so it was hard to pin down what Ryan could be
thinking. Rather than drive himself nuts, he came in and closed the door
like usual. The seat he took on the opposite side of the desk felt way too
close. He leaned back with poor posture in an attempt at casualness.
Something told him he failed, but Ryan made no comment on it.

“So you decided to walk out,” he said.
Dirk stiffened. “What happened was…”
“What? A mistake? A weak point when you didn’t have your pretty

boy to play with?” Ryan suggested. The fact that he’d used the words
“pretty boy” seemed incongruent with his personality. Dirk found himself
trying not to smile.

“No, that’s not it.” He pushed his hand through his hair and frowned.

“It was fun. I enjoyed it. Don’t make it more than it was.” You got your
experiment out, so we can both move on. Of course he didn’t say that part
out loud. The fact that he’d gone all defensive and pretended their having
sex had meant nothing to him was bad enough. Still, he was glad they
were finally facing each other. “You don’t have to regret—”

“Who the fuck says I regret it?” Ryan ground out. He stood up and

came around the desk. Dirk resisted shrinking in his chair like some boy,
but Ryan hulked over him, his handsome face a mask of anger. Handsome.
He realized he did find Ryan attractive. Maybe he was losing it. Ryan
didn’t give him the chance to think too hard. He bent forward and grasped
the arm rests on Dirk’s chair and brought his face in close. Dirk’s breath

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caught in his chest. Pretending to have no reaction to their nearness was
impossible. His lips parted although he willed them to stay sealed shut.
Ryan’s gaze dropped to his lips, and the next moment, Dirk was consumed
by the hungry kiss his boss planted on him.

A moan rose in his throat. He tamped it down, but it came a second

time and wouldn’t be squelched. Ryan reached between Dirk’s legs to
stroke his cock. The painful hard-on came full force, his shaft growing
under his boss’s palm.

“It meant nothing?” Ryan demanded against his lips. He trailed his

mouth along Dirk’s cheek to his ear and nibbled at his lobe. “Tell me you
wouldn’t have preferred to stay in my bed all night long. Instead you ran
like a coward.”

Dirk shoved him away, causing Ryan to crash into the desk. He rose so

fast, his chair toppled over, and he backed toward the door. Scrubbing his
mouth with the back of his hand, he glared at Ryan. “I am nobody’s
coward.”

Ryan sat on the edge of the desk and folded his arms over his chest.

“You’ve got a hard-on. You were moaning under my kiss just now, yet
you shoved me away. That’s not fear? I know you want me.”

Dirk shifted from one foot to the other. He looked away and then

paced the limited area between the wall and the desk. “This isn’t…”

“What?”
He swore. “It’s not right. You’re my commander. I guess I kind of

consider you a friend as well.”

“But we can’t be lovers?”
“Fuck, would you stop?” Dirk growled. “I don’t see you like that…as

a lover. You’re not even gay.”

Ryan’s eyebrows rose. Dirk told himself not to look, but his gaze

lowered anyway to the pecs clearly defined under the shirt Ryan wore. His
arms were bulging with muscle. He’d seen how they stretched the material
of Ryan’s suit jackets when he had one on. Memory of his body naked
flashed through Dirk’s mind, and he forced himself to block his view with
a hand to his forehead. Heat rose to his cheeks. Ryan had to have seen the

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lust in his stare. Saying he didn’t look at the man in that way was absurd.
Maybe he hadn’t realized he did it before, but now that they’d had sex, he
certainly did. All he wanted was to walk over there and get some more of
those kisses. Fuck!

“If I tell you I’ve always had those thoughts, or as long as I can

remember, what would you say?” Ryan asked.

Dirk sucked in a breath. “Are you serious?”
Before Ryan could answer, someone knocked on the door. They both

froze, and then Ryan calmly walked around his desk and sat down again.
He shouted, “Come in!”

The door opened, and another officer strolled in. “Sorry to interrupt

you, sir, but I need you to look at this report.”

Ryan nodded. “Give it to me, and have a seat. Dare, get out. Go home

and enjoy your time off. That’s an order. We’ll discuss your problem
later.”

Dirk frowned. That they were interrupted pissed him off all the more,

especially since he couldn’t be sure if Ryan meant what he said about
having desires for men all along. Before last night, he never would have
thought it in a million years. When would they talk about it? He wanted to
ask but not with the other officer in the room. So he made a sound of
agreement and left. The confusion that plagued him lingered all the way
back to his place.

* * * *

Having the discussion with Ryan turned out to be put off longer than a

day. They had a serial killer on their hands, and Dirk being good at
profiling had been called back in. He didn’t mind at all given he’d been
twiddling his thumbs at home. He’d thought being so close to Ryan would
be hard, but with all his energy thrown into the case, he didn’t have more
than a few seconds in his long shifts to think about his love life. That was
a good thing, because as much as he still wanted the commander, he didn’t
feel any more comfortable about it.

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After a grueling couple of weeks, Dirk dropped back on his bed and

closed his eyes. As soon as he did, he thought of Ryan. A few days ago,
they’d argued over the case and what their next move should be. Dirk had
been insistent that his idea would work despite being risky. He’d been
right. He got his man. However, he’d also insulted the commander in the
process, telling him he’d been off the street too long. Dirk had insinuated
that Ryan was getting long in the tooth. He threw an arm over his head and
chuckled. Of course his claim was said out of anger, but the look on
Ryan’s face had been priceless. He wouldn’t get away with it though.
Ryan wasn’t the type to let disrespect go by unpunished.

For some reason, the thought of Ryan punishing him stirred Dirk’s

cock. He imagined Ryan making him stand against the wall again and
letting him have it in the ass. His cock throbbed for action. He was
hopeless. The bottom line was he wanted the man. Maybe he even loved
him.

“Wait, what the hell?” he almost shouted and sat up. “Where did that

come from? I don’t love…” He allowed his voice to trail off.” Love. Did
he really love Ryan? He’d never been in love. What did it feel like? How
did one know? Wasn’t his desire for Ryan just physical nothing more?

He got up from the bed and began pacing. If he found another partner,

someone similar to Ryan, same aggressive attitude, maybe someone in a
position of power like that lawyer he’d had a brief fling with last year,
would that wipe out his feelings for his commander? He tried bringing to
mind someone like that touching him, kissing him, and the only emotion
that rose was distaste. Still, that might be because he hadn’t explored all
there was to enjoy with Ryan. Once he’d fucked him a few times, they
could move on. Yet, when he thought of never seeing Ryan again,
oppressive sadness turned his mood black.

He fell on the bed. Love. He refused to believe it, and then again, what

difference did it make? Ryan hadn’t been spouting love when they were
last talking sex. He’d told Dirk he knew he wanted his body.

“Oh yeah, I want his body.”

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More than that, he hated every night shift when Ryan wasn’t there.

The first person he asked about when he went in each day was Ryan. No
one thought it was strange because the commander wanted everyone to
report in about where they were in their cases. He ran a tight ship. Because
of that, Dirk hadn’t thought much about it either.

He closed his eyes again and recalled the time Ryan had been out of

town for a while on family matters. He thought he remembered Ryan’s
grandmother had been ill. Dirk had been miserable the entire time. He’d
put it down to nobody being able to handle things like Ryan, but it had
been more than that. He’d longed to see him and talk to him, and when
Ryan called his house, he’d ragged on him saying he didn’t trust them to
do their job without him. All along, he’d been happy. They had talked for
a few hours. Dirk had assumed Ryan caught up with every one of his
subordinates in the same way, but had he? In that moment, he
acknowledged that he hoped he was special.

The doorbell rang startling him out of his thoughts. Dirk sat up and

frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and for the first time, he’d felt
comfortable taking a couple days off. The case had been grueling. While
he strolled into the living room, he caught sight of the sky outside the
window. The sun had gone down, and the moon was high in the sky.

Not bothering to check the peephole, he unlocked the door and pulled

it open. He stopped cold at the sight of Ryan. “Wha—”

Ryan moved past him and shut the door. Before Dirk could say any

more, his commander jerked him into his arms and covered his lips in a
searing kiss. At first Dirk resisted, pushing at Ryan trying to get free, but
he couldn’t deny that this was what he’d been craving. He wrapped his
arms around Ryan and clutched at his shirt. Their bodies were molded
together, Dirk keenly aware of how hard Ryan’s cock felt against his. He
parted his lips to allow Ryan’s tongue into his mouth. Sheer bliss arrested
him, and he stood unable to do anything other than enjoy the touch and
taste of the man he loved.

Worry set in when he began to think about what he felt and wondering

what Ryan did. He managed to get space between them and then broke

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free to back up. His breath came in shallow bursts, chest rising and falling
at a fast clip. A glance at Ryan showed him in the same condition.

“Don’t tell me things haven’t changed,” Ryan bit out. “That you can’t

be with your commander.”

Dirk looked away. “I wasn’t going to say that.” Yet, how could he say

he wanted to know if Ryan cared? He’d sound like a damn woman.
Letting himself feel anything was a monumental mistake. His old ways
had been safer—fuck ’em and leave ’em.

He walked to the window and peered out, but Ryan followed. With

him standing so close behind, Dirk could feel his body heat radiating off
of him. The sensation tantalized him, unsettled him all the more. Dirk
suppressed an urge to jump when Ryan’s hands came down on his hips.
Full male lips touched the skin at the base of his neck. He’d never
imagined the caress could be so sensual.

Ryan’s hands tightened where they lay. “I’m not letting you get away

because you’re scared. The touchy feely stuff isn’t something you’re used
to. Well neither is it familiar to me, which is why my wife left me. One of
the reasons anyway.”

Dirk stiffened. “What you said about always wanting men, was that

true? I mean just like you said, you were married to a woman.”

Ryan moved closer until their lengths were sealed together. He

encircled Dirk’s waist and ran his palms over Dirk’s abs. The arrow of
pleasure zinging to his groin set Dirk’s body aflame.

“I decided years ago I wasn’t going to live the life of a gay man. I

figured I was strong enough to resist it, and I was for a while. I loved Janet
in my own way. Our sex life was…comfortable…and even pleasurable to
an extent.” He reached up and turned Dirk’s head so he could kiss his
mouth. Dirk didn’t fight him, and they tongue-kissed for a long while.
When Ryan raised his head, his eyes were clouded with desire. “I had no
idea it could feel like this though. Kissing you goes beyond anything I
could ever imagine.”

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“Which is why you should have a few lovers to see how good it can

be,” Dirk suggested, not meaning it at all. The thought of Ryan touching
any other man twisted his gut.

Ryan swore. When he released Dirk, cold air chilled him as if someone

had opened the door. Ryan prowled a few steps away and then turned
back. “Don’t you get it, you dumb fuck?”

Dirk frowned.
“It’s because of you that all my control went out the window. Do you

think I’ve never met a man who turned me on? Of course I have! Hell
quite a few of the officers in our station are hot.”

Again the use of a word he’d never heard pass Ryan’s lips freaked him

out, but he let it go.

“I admit I’ve only slept with you, but I’ve wanted other men before.

Not one of them tempted me to change my decision.” His gaze bore into
Dirk, pinning him in place. “We talked for hours all the time. We have a
lot in common. I’d like to think you’re my best friend aside from our
positions. Damn it all, Dirk, I love you. If you can’t accept that, I
understand, but I’m sure as hell not walking away from you, and I’m not
letting you run from me. It’s got to be you and no other man. Period!”

Dirk’s jaw went slack. His eyes bugged until they ached. “You…love

me?”

Ryan approached him and grasped his face between his palms. “How

could you not know? I sought you out constantly. I made sure you were on
night shift with me as much as I could arrange it. I know that was selfish,
but I couldn’t help myself. You’re everything I didn’t think I could have,
and everything I’d risk to keep.”

Their lips touched, but they didn’t kiss. Ryan seemed to want to

breathe him in. His eyes shut, and a tormented moan left his throat,
shaking Dirk to his core. Did Ryan long for him that much?

“Ryan,” he began, but the words didn’t come, such was his shock.
“Baby,” Ryan breathed. This time Dirk did jump, but Ryan didn’t let

him go. He devoured Dirk’s lips until they were numb. Ryan jerked him
into a tight embrace, one fit to crack his ribs, and then he lowered his

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hands to Dirk’s ass and gave it a squeeze. “I’m not letting you be with any
other man. I’ll shoot him between the eyes. You belong to me, and I know
you want me.”

Dirk opened his mouth to speak, but Ryan dropped to his knees. He

wrenched Dirk’s belt open and with savage force, had his button undone
and zipper down. Dirk cried out against his will when his boss deep-
throated his cock. Ryan’s sucking was loud and hungry. He moaned and
licked Dirk’s shaft from base to tip.

“Ryan, Ryan,” Dirk murmured, weak from the pleasure his

commander gave him. His head swam, and his knees buckled. Ryan
followed him to the floor, never allowing his cock to escape his mouth and
hands. Dirk’s hips came up off the floor when Ryan took him deeper into
his mouth, sucking so hard an orgasm wasn’t far. Dirk clutched Ryan’s
shoulder as his balls drew tight. He tried to regain control, but it was too
late. With a shout, he came, and his lover drank down every drop.

Ryan sat up when he was done and straddled Dirk’s hips. He pushed

Dirk’s shirt up and stared down at his abs. Dirk knew he had nothing to be
ashamed of at his body, and it turned him on all over again to have Ryan
look at his form with such intensity. Still, he hesitated at Ryan’s earlier
words.

“You act as if I don’t have a choice in the matter, as far as being with

you,” he said.

“Tell me you don’t want me,” Ryan said and lay down on Dirk’s chest.

Dirk’s heart, which had begun to slow, kicked up. With a little prodding,
his cock would soon be hard again. Ryan grinned as if he knew, but there
was a dangerous light in his eyes. “You can’t wait for me to fuck you. I
could turn you over right here and ravage your tight ass.”

There it went. Dirk was hard. He bit off a swear. “Wanting you to fuck

me isn’t the same as… Anyway, I could choose not to pursue what I feel.
That’s my decision to make. I know you’re used to being the boss and
commanding me, but I’m my own man. I always have been, and you know
that.”

“You’re mistaken.”

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Dirk’s eyes widened. “What?”
Ryan kissed his cheek and rested his forehead on the carpet beside

Dirk’s head. “It’s not because of my position as your boss that I said what
I did. It’s because of my weakness.” To Dirk’s surprise, Ryan’s voice
caught. “I can no longer stand being without you. Not after we’ve been
together. I’m not strong enough to deal with that. If you don’t love me, I
think—”

“I do,” Dirk blurted. He licked his lips and swallowed. He brought his

hand up and stroked Ryan’s back. “I love you, Ryan. I think I have for a
long time, and only after we slept together did I realize it. I don’t want
another man. In fact thinking of being with anyone else disgusts me. It’s
got to be you. I just don’t know how we’re going to handle it at work.”

The brightness in Ryan’s smile when he raised his head could blind a

man. Dirk figured he could live off of seeing it and wondered what he
could do to keep it there.

“We’ll work it out,” Ryan said. “Now tell me again.”
“Always bossy,” Dirk muttered.
“Again.”
Dirk grinned. “I love you.”
Ryan’s lashes lowered over his eyes, and his forehead lightly met

Dirk’s. “I need to be in you. Here or in your bed?”

Dirk didn’t even bother to argue. Ryan was who he was, and he’d

always be his commander, and that was okay with him. He found he loved
giving into whatever Ryan wanted. “My bed. I missed out last time at your
place, but that’s not going to happen again. Will you stay the night?”

“Try to get me to leave.”
They headed up the stairs, fingers entwined. Dirk’s heart threatened to

burst out of his chest. He followed his lover, glancing at the rounded hard
ass ahead of him on the stairs. He grinned, happy to know Ryan would
possess him in a few minutes. He must be insane looking forward to
something like that. Nothing was guaranteed about how long this would
last, but he knew he’d enjoy every minute.

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When they were in the room with the door kicked shut, Ryan tugged

him into an embrace, and Dirk went. They kissed for long moments while
Ryan explored his body with his hands. Dirk submitted to stand still while
his commander undressed him, but then he insisted on doing the same to
Ryan. Every inch of smooth skin burned his lust higher. His mouth
watered, and as Ryan’s cock came into view, he hungrily took it between
his lips. The leathery skin and flavor tantalized him, making his own cock
twitch.

Ryan pushed him back. “Oh no you don’t. I’m coming where I belong,

and that’s not in your mouth this time. Get on the bed, baby.”

Dirk raised an eyebrow at being called baby a second time, but he

wouldn’t admit that he liked it. Naked, he climbed on the bed on his hands
and knees. He arched his back a little more than necessary, knowing it
would open up his hole for Ryan to see. The growl let him know it had the
desired affect. Dirk gasped when Ryan’s warm, wet mouth touched his
hole. His commander licked and kissed him there before climbing up over
his body.

“Ah, I feel like I’m going to come before I get into you,” Ryan

complained. “I’m going to wet you a little more, but please understand if
I’m a little rough.”

“Do it,” Dirk said. “I’m just as hungry. I need it now.”
Ryan moved back down his body and began licking him. A shudder a

pleasure washed over Dirk. He never thought he could like this kind of
thing. He’d done it to his lovers plenty of times and enjoyed it. He’d been
in the driver’s seat, directing his lovers, but there was something about
Ryan that made him want to give into whatever he desired. Allowing Ryan
to caress and lick him made him burn from head to toe and crave more and
more. He actually wanted to belong to this man, to be loved and touched
by him alone. The sensations he experienced boggled his mind, but even if
he never understood why, he didn’t care. So long as Ryan never stopped.
For the first time, he began to imagine what Cooper felt for Erik. He damn
sure didn’t deserve to have this much love in his life, not after how he
behaved, but for a little while… Oh, hell yes! Ryan!

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When Dirk didn’t think he could take anymore, Ryan shifted to a

position behind him and grasped his hips. Dirk dropped his chin toward
his chest and closed his eyes. The first penetration was tight but
wonderful. The stretching of his walls sent zings racing through his veins,
to his cock, to his balls, and down every limb. He shuddered once again,
so close to an orgasm, but he held on, wanting nothing more than to be
filled with his lover all night long.

“Oh, yeah,” Ryan moaned. “It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve

been inside you. Just watching my cock slide into your ass is driving me
insane. Dirk, if you ever tell me no… Ah!” He held still a moment, and
Dirk figured he’d been about to release. Ryan wanted to hold it just like
him. He knew from experience not to move, to wait until the impulse
eased. When Ryan began moving again, he welcomed the deep, slow
thrusts. At the same time his commander pushed into him, he shoved back,
meeting his swollen member. The bump of their bodies coming together
got him off. He loved both the feel and the sounds their flesh made.

“I’m never saying no to this,” he rasped. “How could I? I want it every

night.”

Ryan dropped down on his back, his slightly bigger size and longer

arms allowing him to brace himself over Dirk. Their lips met in desperate
kisses, and then Ryan reached up to stroke Dirk’s cock. That did it. Dirk
spasmed and cried out just as his come shot forth into Ryan’s hand.

“Mm, yeah, baby,” Ryan murmured against his mouth. “Come for

me.” Whatever he was going to say after that was lost in his gasp. Warm
liquid filled Dirk’s ass, and he sighed in bliss.

In degrees, Dirk lowered to the bed with Ryan following. His lover did

all he could not to let his cock slip out, and Dirk clung to the muscled
arms around him. “We’ll do it again,” he said, words muffled because he
had buried his face in Ryan’s neck.

He felt the rumble of laughter in the commander’s chest. “Is that an

order?”

Dirk’s cheeks warmed. “A request to my boss.”

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Ryan moaned and squeezed him around the middle. “Good.” He

pressed his lips to Dirk’s ear and whispered, “I’d hate to have to punish
you.”

From the words alone, Dirk’s cock grew tight again. Ryan noticed

right away and began stroking him. Dirk closed his eyes as his heartbeat
and breathing increased.

“I’m guessing you’re all for exploring our sexualities a little more,”

Ryan said. Dirk swallowed, nerves stirring in his belly, but he nodded.
Ryan tightened his embrace. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Dirk’s voice had gone gruff with his eagerness.
“Then let’s go again.” Ryan pushed a knee between Dirk’s thighs and

arched his hips. Dirk’s body came alive expecting the ecstasy only Ryan
could give him.

The End