MidLifeLove:AtLast

byWhitneyG.

PublishedbyWhitneyWilliams,2013.

Whileeveryprecautionhasbeentakeninthepreparationofthisbook,thepublisherassumesno

responsibilityforerrorsoromissions,orfordamagesresultingfromtheuseoftheinformation

containedherein.

MIDLIFELOVE:ATLAST

Firstedition.October18,2013.

WrittenbyWhitneyG..

Notice

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the
author ’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,
businessestablishments,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or
otherwise,withoutpriorpermissionoftheauthor.

CoverphotographbyJuliaSavchenko,GettyImages

Dedication

Forthereaderswhowantedmore...

Author’sNote:

Aboutthat‘MidLifeLove’Epilogue...

Beforeyoubegintoreadthisbook,letmefirstsayTHANKYOUforreadingthebookthatcame

beforeit:MidLifeLove.AsIwaseditingthatbookwithmybetateam,therewasacollectivedecision
toleaveouttheepilogueattheend.

Iknowalotofyoudidn’tagreewiththefinaldecision,andforthatreasonIposteditonTwo

CrazyGirlswithaPassionforBooksblogshortlyafterpublication.

IwantyoutoknowthatI’veincludedthepolished,editedversionoftheepilogueatthebeginning

ofthisbookforanyonewhohasn’treadit,andItrulyhopeyouenjoyMidLifeLove:AtLastasmuch
asyouenjoyedMidLifeLove.

Thankyouforbeingthebestreadersintheworld,
Whit’

MidLifeLoveEpilogue

Eightmonthslater...

Claire

“Ineedthreehundredofthosegranitetilesherebytomorrowafternoon.Canyoumakesurethat

happens?Oh,andcouldyouseeifthosedoorknobsIdesignedforMulhollandwereapprovedyet?
Okay.Thankyouverymuch.”Ihungupthephoneandswirledaroundinmychair,smilingatthered
andwhiteentwined“C”lettersthathungovermydoor.

IwassittinginmyofficeatC&C’sCharmingDesigns,myowninteriordesigncompany.I’dquit

myjobatSignatureweeksafterJonathanandIgotbacktogether,afterhedemandedthatIaccepthis
moneyandstartmyowncompany.

Businesswasextremelyslowatfirst—especiallysincehekeptshowingupinthemiddleofthe

dayandpreventingmefromgettinganythingdone.Butafteraboutfourmonths,Istartedtopickup
clientafterclient,andwordofmyservicesbegantospreadlikewildfire.

Inowhadasixmonthwaitinglistfordesignprojects,andIwasintheprocessofexpandingmy

storetoincludesmallhomefurnishings.

Iadjustedthepictureframesthatwerestandingproudlyonmydesk:JonathanandIsmilingonhis

favoriteyacht.Himandmydaughtersjumpingintotheocean.Andthemostrecentone—himkissing
meonstageafterreceivinganotherprestigiousaward.

“MissGracen?”Mysecretarybuzzedmyoffice.“I’mofftolunch,andyourtwelveo’clockis

upfrontwaiting.”

“TelltheclientI’llberightthere.”Islippedintomyjacketandheadeddownthehallway.SinceI’d

pickedupsomanyclients,Iwasneverabletogetmorethanfiveminutesalone.

“Caroline?”Iwalkedaroundthefrontdesk.“ItoldyouthatyouandAshleydon’tneedtomake

appointmentstoseeme.Youcould’vejustcalled.”

“Yeah,right.”Sherolledhereyes.“Youpracticallylivehere.”
Ishookmyhead.“Whatdoyouwant?”
“Ineedthirtydollars.”
“Excuseme?”
“Actually,Ineedfiftydollars.Ashleydoestoo,butthirtyeachwilldo.”
“Didtheairportstopgivingoutpaychecksallofasudden?Whereisyourmoney?”
“What’sgoingon?”Ashleywalkedintothestoreandstoodnexttoher,notevenglancingmyway.

“Didshegiveyouthemoneyyet?”

“No.”Carolinesighed.“Shestillthinkswesavemoneyfromourjobs...”
“Howdothetwoofyouexpecttogotocollegethisfallwithoutknowinghowtosavemoney?”I

wastiredofgoingoverthiswiththem.“Doyouthinkitgrowsontrees?Doyouthinkitfallsoutof
theskywheneveryouneedit?”

“Soshe’snotgoingtogiveusthemoney?”“Ithinkthat’swhatshe’ssaying.”“Didyoutellherit

wasforsummer-senior-nightandeveryonewho’sanyoneisgoingtobethere?”“No,Ijustaskedfor
themoney.Ididn’tthinkIneededtoexplainwhy.”

Isighedandpreparedtore-startmylecture,butJonathanwalkedinwithalargebouquetofbright

pinkroses.“Goodafternoon,ladies.”Helookedatmeandthenhelookedbackandforthbetween

AshleyandCaroline.

“Goodafternoon,”theysaidinunison.
“Canwehavefiftydollars—each?”Ashleysmiledathim.
“Ofcourse.”Hepulledouthiswalletandhandedthembothahundreddollarbill.Justlikethat.
“Whydon’twejustdothateverytime?”“Idon’tknow...Maybewelikethechallenge?”Theyboth

laughedandrushedoutside.

IwatchedastheyclimbedintotwoseparatewhiteRangeRovers—Jonathan’sridiculouslyover-

the-topbirthdaygifttothem.

“Youhavetostopdoingthat.”Itooktheflowersfromhim.
“Doingwhat?”
“Givingthemmoneywhenevertheyaskforit.”
“Why?”
“Becausetheydon’tneedit.Andthey’llneverlearnhowtosavetheirown.”
“Theymakeninedollarsanhourandtheyworkfifteenhoursaweek.Howmuchdoyouhonestly

expectthemtosave?”

“Igiveup.”Irolledmyeyes.“Thankyoufortheflowers—andfortheonesyousentthis

morning.Youknow,we’vebeentogetherforawhilenow...Youdon’thavetokeepsendingme
flowerseveryday.I’msurethecosthastobeaddingupandIdon’twantyoutofeellikeyouhaveto
dothat.”

“Shhh.”Hekissedme,makingmeforgetwhateverIwasgoingtosay.“How’syourdaygoing?”
“It’sokay.It’sbeenabitbusy.”
“Itdoesn’tlookbusy...”Helookedaroundtheemptystore.
“Itis.”
“Where’syoursecretary?”
“Onbreak.Why?”
Hesmiledandpulledmecloser.“Noreason.”
Isawthefamiliar‘I’m-about-to-pull-you-down-to-the-ground’lookinhiseyesandimmediately

steppedback,rushingbehindthecounter.

Helaughedandmovedclosetothecounter ’sedge—readytojoinme,butIhitabuttonthatmadea

clearpaneldropdownfromtheceiling,completelyblockinghisway.

Heraisedhiseyebrow.“Whatthehellisthis?”
“ThisiswhatIhadtheengineerbuildformelastweek,afteryouinterruptedaveryimportant

meetingwithyourdistractingsexandcostmetwohours’worthofdesigntime.”

“YouthinkI’madistraction?”
“Youareadistraction.Andyouhaveyourowncompanytorun—oneworthbillionslasttimeI

checked,soIwouldappreciateitif—”

“Youhadthisbuilttokeepmefromcomingbehindthecounter?”Hepressedhishandagainstthe

glass.“Tokeepmeoutofyouroffice?”

“Clearly.Anditseemstobeworking.”
“It’sverycute.”Henodded.“Youalwaysamazemewithyoursenseofcreativity.”Hepulledhis

walletoutofhispocketandpulledoutakey.Thenheslidthatkeyintothepanel’sholeandpushedthe
dooropen.

Whatthe...
“YouareawarethatIrunabackgroundcheckonanymanthatcomesnearyou,right?”
Iblinked.
“Thesecondyoutoldmeyouwerehavingmoreconstructiondone,”hesaidashepushedthe

doorshutandwalkedovertome.“Imadesurethecompanyandtheengineerknewexactlywhothey

weredealingwith.AndIdemandedtohaveextrakeystoanylocksyoumightattempttoinstall.”

“Whydoyoualwaysdothis?”
“Howlongisyoursecretary’sbreak?”Hepushedmeagainstthewall.
“Jonathan...”Itriedtoignorethelookinhiseyes.“Ireallyneedtogetsomeworkdone.Youcan’t

showupeveryday...”

“Idon’tshowupeveryday.”Hepressedhislipsagainstmine.“Ionlyshowupwhenyoudon’t

answermycalls.AndI’mbeginningtothinkyoudothatonpurposebecauseyouknowexactlywhat’ll
happenifyoudon’t.”

“Iwasbusy.”
“Howlongisherbreak?”
“Anhour...”Imoanedashekissedmyneck,ashesqueezedmyassandliftedmylegaroundhis

waist.“I’llmakethisuptoyoutonight.”

“Yousaidthatyesterday.”
“I...”Igaspedasheranhisfingersagainstthebackofmybra.“Ipromise.”
“You’regoingtolosethisargument,Claire.Giveup,”hewhispered.Thenhelaughed.“Ididn’t

comeheretohavesextoday.”

Igavehimablankstare.
“Ididn’t.”Hekissedmeagainandsteppedback.“Ijustwantedtoremindyouaboutthisweekend,

wantedtomakesureyoudidn’tforget.”

Ididn’tforget.He’dmadethatimpossible.
EventhoughI’dmovedintohishouseandwe’dtraveledtoamazingplaceswiththegirls,heandI

stillhadn’thadanentireweekendalone.Forhim,therewasalwayssomemajorbusinessdealthat
couldn’twaituntilMonday.Andforme,itwasalwayssomeprojectthatIcouldn’tstepawayfrom.

“Ididn’tforget.”Ismiled.“Isitasurpriselocation?”
“Isn’titalways?”
Iblushed.Hestillhadawayofmakingmefeellikeitwasthefirsttimewe’dmet,likehewas

goingtodoanythingtoshowmehowmuchhecared.

“I’mworkinglate,soGregwillpickyouupfromourhouseatnine.”Hebrushedastrandofhair

awayfrommyface.“Andthenwe’llbeonourway...Don’tbringanyworkwithyouorI’llmakeyou
regretit...”

“Lookingforwardtoit,darling.”
“Darling?”Herolledhiseyesandkissedmeonelasttimebeforewalkingovertothedoor.Then

heturnedaround.“Ifyouwearafuckingpantsuitlikeyoudidonourlastdate,I’llripitoffofyou
beforeyoumakeitintothecar.”

Jonathan
“Thankyouforseeingmeonsuchshortnotice,Mr.Statham.”TheeditorofForbesstoodupto

shakemyhand.

“Notaproblem,MissEvans.”
“It’ssuchanhonortofinallymeetyouinperson.”ShebitherlipandItriednottorollmyeyesat

herunwantedattention.

She’dbeenflirtingwithmetheentiremeeting—battinghereyes,uncrossingandre-crossingher

legs.She’deven“accidentally”letamintfalldownherrevealingsilkshirt,terriblypretendingtobe
“soembarrassed”becauseshe’d“neverbeenthisclumsybefore.”

Shelookedlikeshewasaboutmyage,andherhairwasradiantblondwithautumncolored

highlights.Hereyeswereaspectacularshadeofblue,andinallhonesty,shewasquitebeautiful.But
shedidn’thaveshitonClaire.Atall.

“Itwasnicemeetingyoutoo,MissEvans.Letmeknowifthere’sanythingelseIcandoforyou.”
Hereyeslitupandshebitherlipagain.“Woulditbetoomuchtoaskforatour?”
“Notatall.”IpickedupmyphoneandcalledHayley.“Hayley?WouldyoumindgivingMiss

Evansatourofcorporatethisafternoon?Okay...Great.Thankyou.”Ihungupandwalkedheroverto
thedoor.“Hayleywillmeetyouinfrontoftheelevators.Haveagreatafternoon,MissEvans.”

“Thankyou.”Shescoffedandwalkedaway.
Iploppeddowninmychair,happythattheunnecessarymagazineinterviewwasover.Iopeneda

drawertoshutoffmyvoicerecorderandcaughtaglimpseofmydigitalphoto-book.Scrolling
acrossitsscreen,IsmiledatthepicturesClaireandIhadtakenofCarolineandAshleylastmonth.

Overthepasteightmonths,I’drealizedthatIfinallyhadeverythingIcouldpossiblywant

—almosteverythingIcouldpossiblywant.

ClaireandIhadgrowncloserthaneverandshe’dfinallylearnedtoacceptourrelationshipandbe

comfortablewithit.Sure,shestillfrustratedtheshitoutofmefromtimetotime—butnotbecauseof
insecuritiesorbeingseeninpublictogether.

Itwasmainlybecauseshe’dagreedtomoveintomyhouse,butnotbeforeturningitintoadamn

renovationprojectthatneverseemedtoend.

Shewasalwaysfindingsomethingnewtotweak,somepartofthehousethatcouldbe“done

better.”IfIdidn’tlovehersomuch,Iwould’veputastoptoitalongtimeago—likethetimeshe
shatteredthewindshieldofmyBugattiwhileinstallingnewlightsinthegarage.

“Mr.Statham?”Angela’svoicebouncedoffmywalls.
“Yes?”
“Coreyand...MissGracenareheretoseeyou.”
Ilookedatmywatch.TherewasnowayClairehadlefthercompanythisearly—surpriseweekend

getawayornot.Ialwayshadtopersonallydragheroutofthereattheendoftheday.

“Sendtheminplease.”IlookedtowardsthedoorandwatchedasCoreyheldthedooropen

for...Ashley.

Ismiled.“Yes,Ashley?”
“CanIhavefiftymoredollars?Iforgottoaccountforafewthings...”
“Afewthingslikewhat?”Ihandedherahundred.“Isthattheonlyreasonyoucameby?”
“No,notreally.Iwaswonderinghowlongyouandmymomweregoingtobegonethis

weekend...”

“Why?”
“Noreason.”Sheputonherbestpokerface—somethingshe’ddefinitelyinheritedfromClaire.“I

justthoughtI’dstopbytoask.That’sall.”

“We’llbebackonTuesday...”

“Goodtoknow!”Sheclapped.“Haveasafetrip!”
“Thehouseisunderstateoftheartsurveillance.”Inarrowedmyeyesather.“Onlytwocarsare

allowedthroughthegatewithinthesamefourhoursunlessIhavethekey,andI’vealreadyalertedmy
securityteamtocheckthepropertyeveryhourtomakesurenoextraguestsarrivewhilewe’regone.”

Herjawdropped.“Ithoughtwewerefriends,Jonathan.”Sheshookherhead.“YouandIhave

history...”

Ilaughed.“Wedohavehistory.Istillhaven’ttoldyourmotheraboutthelastsecretpoolpartyyou

hadonmyyacht,hercrashedAudi,orlastweekendwhenyouandCarolinecamehomeatfouro’
clockinthemorning.Wouldyoulikemeto?”

“No.”Sherolledhereyes.“I’llseeyoulater...Itwasniceseeingyouagain,Corey.”Shegaveus

bothahugbeforewalkingoutofmyoffice.

“Howdoyoutellthemapartagain?”Coreysatdownatmydesk.“Icould’veswornshewas

Caroline.”

“InstinctsIguess.AreweallsetontheCSaccount?”
Henodded.“Theshipmentshouldgetherewithinanhour.I’llsignforitandhaveGregbringit

up.YoumadeanappointmentwithmesoIcouldtellyouthat?”

“No...”Ilookedattheonlyphotoonmydesk,theoneofClaireandHayleyplayingScrabble.“I

needyoutofindoutwhoHayleyisdating.”

“What?”
“Claireslippedupandsaidsomethingtomeaboutityesterday...SheandHayleyareapparently

BFFsnowandthey’rekeepingsecretsfromme.IneedtoknowwhothismanissoIcankillhim.”

Coreyblinked.“Killhim?”
“Yes.”Iballedmyfists.“Notliterallykillhim.Ijustwantafewwords.”
“Right...”Coreyclearedhisthroatandadjustedhistie.“Well,Ium...Ialreadyscreenedtheguy.”
“Great.What’shisname?”
Hesighed.“Um...”
“Mr.Statham?”Angelacalledovertheintercomagain.
“Yes?”
“MissGracenisonlineone.”
“Onesecond,Corey.”Ipickedupthephone.“Hello?”
“Hey...”Claire’svoicewasfaint.
“What’swrong?”
“Nothing...Ijustdecidedtoleaveworkearlytoday.”
“Wasthereafire?”
“No...”Shelaughed.“Iwasrippedoffacouplehoursago.ThemanI’mseeingstoppedbyandhe

just...”

“Hejustwhat?”
“HeleftwithoutgivingmewhatIwanted.Andtothink,Ipurposelyavoidedhisphonecallsallday

sohewouldgetthehint.Heusuallydoesn’tbackdownsoeasily...”

Ismiled.“You’reathome?”
“Notyet.I’mleavingmyofficenow.ButassoonasIgetthere,I’mgoingtotakeanice,long

showertogetreadyforthisweekend.”

“Don’tleave.I’llcomegetyou.”IhungupandsentAngelaanemail,cancelingtherestofmyday.

ThenIlookedupatCorey.“RemindmetoaskyouaboutHayley’sassholeboyfriendwhenIget
back.”

“Ohmygoddd...Ohhhmyyy—Ohmygod...Jonathannn...”ClairemoanedasIgrippedherhipsand
movedherbackandforth.“I....I...”Sheshuthereyesandcriedout,louderandlouder.

IwatchedassheletgothesamemomentIdid,asshesuckedinbreathafterbreathandcollapsed

againstmychest.

“Idon’tthinkI’llevergettiredoftakingthescenicroutewithyou...”Irubbedmyhandsagainst

herbareback.“Areyouokay?”

“Yes...”Shemurmuredandnoddedherhead,stillbreathingheavily.
Iwaiteduntilshecompletelycalmeddownbeforepullingherupandhelpingherbackintoher

dress.IranmyfingersthroughherhairandsighedasIpushedoneofherclipsbackintoplace.

“Youseemtense...”shewhispered.“Areyouokay?”
“WhatmakesyouthinkI’mnotokay?”
“Becauseyou’remakingthefaceyoualwaysmakewhensomething’sbotheringyou...IsittheCS

account?”

Iraisedmyeyebrow.
“Ieavesdroppedafewnightsago...YouweretalkingonthephoneinbedandIcouldn’tsleep.”
“Hmmm.Well,yes,itistheCSaccount.Wouldyouliketoofferyouradviceonlandingthe

biggestdealI’veeverpursued?”

“Sure.”Shesatinmylap.“Howmuchisitworth?”
“Whyisthatalwaysyourfirstquestion?”Ilaughedasshescrunchedherfaceinanticipationofan

answer.“It’sworthmorethanmyentirecompany.Alotmore...IwouldbetwiceasrichifIlandedit.”

Hereyeswidened.“Whathappensifyoudon’tlandit?”
“IguessIwouldhavetofiguresomethingelseout...YouwanttocomebacktoStathamIndustries

tohelpmeifthathappens?”

“Please.”Sherolledhereyes.“CanIhaveahintaboutwherewe’regoingthisweekend?”
“No.”Ikissedherlips.IwastemptedtohaveGregtakeusonanotherscenicroute,butIheldback.
Fortherestoftherideweslippedintothefamiliarsilencethatwe’dgrownaccustomedtosharing

—aspecialsilencethatnooneelsecouldpossiblyunderstand.

“Mr.Statham?”Greg’svoicecamethroughthespeaker.
“Yes,Greg?”
“We’vearrivedsir.”
ThecarcametoasuddenhaltandIadjustedClaire’sstrapsagain.
Gregopenedthedoorandreachedforherhand,helpinghertostepout.Thenhedirectedthe

othermenthatwerestandingnearbytoloadourbagsontomyplane.

Iplacedmyhandsonhershouldersandlookedintohereyes.“Areyousureaboutflyingtoday?”
“Isthisthebestwaytogetthere?”shewhispered.
Inoddedandheldherhands.“Butthere’salwaysaPlanB.Youknowthat.”
Eventhoughshe’dassuredmethatshewasonbettertermswithherflightphobia,Iwasn’t

completelysoldsoIalwaystookprecautions.Ifshelookeduncomfortableorhesitantforonesecond,
Icalledthewholetripoff;I’dhadtodothatfourtimesoverthepastfewmonths.

“I’mokay,”shesaid.“Ipromise.”
Istudiedhereyesforseveralsecondsmore,watchingforsignsofuncertainty,hintsoffear.
WhenIdidn’tseeany,Iwalkedherovertothestepsandslowlyledherupandintotheplane.I

motionedforhertositdownandpulledoutthe“Pre-FlightWords”paperthatshe’dreceivedin
therapy.

“Ineedyoutoreaditaloud,Claire.”Iheldherhandandwaiteduntilshe’drecitedeveryword,

untilshegavemealookofassurancethatsaidshewasokaywiththis.

Inoddedatthepilotandsatdownintheseatnexttoher.

“DeLilleChaleurEstateBlanctodrink,MissGracen?”Theflightattendantcheckedourseatbelts.
“Thatwouldbegreat.”Claireleanedagainstme.
Shefellasleepbeforetheflightattendantreturnedanddidn’twakeupuntilwestoppedatare-

fuelingpoint.

“We’rehere?”sheasked.
Ishookmyheadandofferedhersomeofmyfood,butsheleanedagainstmeandfellasleep

again.

“Didyouputsomethinginmydinneryesterday,Jonathan?”Clairerolledacrossthebedandlooked
upatme.

“What?”
“I’veneversleptlikethatbefore...AndIrememberyoucarryingmeofftheplanewhenitlanded.

Didyouputsomethinginmyfood?”

“No,Claire.”Iwalkedoverandkissedher.“It’scalledbeingtired.Youworkalldamndayevery

dayandwedidhavesextwicebeforetheflight.IfIthoughtIhadtodrugyoutogetyoutofly,then
youwouldn’tfly.Itwasonlyatenhourflight.”

Sheblinked.“I’msorry...Wherearewe?”
“Takealook.”Ipulledthefloortoceilingdrapesopenandwatchedashereyestookin

everything.

Wewerestayingrightontheedgeofclearbluewaters,inthebiggestvillatheislandhadtooffer.

Totheleftofuswasabeachofsprawlingwhitesandandskyhighpalmtrees.Andinthedistance
therewererowsofhiddenbungalows,tuckedbeneathmilesoflushgreenery.

“What’sthenameofthisplace?”Sheslidtheglassdooropenandsteppedoutontothebalcony.
“St.KittsandNevis.”
“Couldyouputthatintermsthatanon-billionairewhohasn’ttraveledtheworldcanunderstand?”
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaistandlaughed.“SouthernCaribbean.”
Sheopenedhermouthasifshewasgoingtosaysomething,butthenshestoodonhertoesand

kissedme,pressingherselfagainstmychestlikeshewantedtotakethisfurther.

“Wait...”Islowlypulledaway.“Iwanttotakeyoudowntotheotherpartofthebeach.Leaveyour

shoes.”

“CanIchangefirst?”
Inoddedandkissedheragainbeforesheslippedbackintothesuite.Leaningagainsttherailing,I

lookedoutintothesunsetandshookmyheadatthecouplethatwasattemptingtokayakwithouta
paddle.

IwastryingmybesttodistractmyselffromtheloomingCSaccount,butitwasallIcouldthink

about.

“I’mreadynow.”ThesoundofClaire’svoicemademeturnaroundand—Istopped.
Shewaswearingatightlyfittedshortwhitedressthathuggedherinalltherightplaces,adress

thatflowedwitheachshortgustofwindthatblewpastus.ItwasstraplessandthinenoughtowhereI
couldseethebrightredbikinishewaswearingunderneath.

“Youdon’tlikeit?”
“Ido.”Ireachedforherhandandledherdowntheshore.
Wepausedeversooftentotakeinthewavesorwatchanothercouplerunintothewater.Wewere

halfwaydowntheshorewhenIwalkedherovertoasmallclearingthatwashiddenawayfrom
everythingelse.

Islippedmyarmaroundherwaistandsighed.

“Youpromisedmethatyouweren’tgoingtodoanyworkwhilewewereonthistrip,Jonathan...”

Shelookedupatme.

“Idid,andImeantthat.”
“DoesthatpromisenotcoverwhenI’msleeping?”
“Excuseme?”
“Iwasgoinginandoutofconsciousnesswhenwehadthatlayover.Iheardyoutalkingaboutthe

CSaccountagain...Wecouldhavepushedthistripbackifyouwerethatworriedaboutthedeal.
You’vepushedthingsbackformyprojectsbefore.”

“Claire...”Ireleasedherhipsandshookmyhead.“ThereisnoCSaccount.”
“What?Sowhathaveyoubeendoingforthepasteightweeks?”Shepaled.“Isthat—youmadeup

thebiggestdealofyourcareerto...todowhat?Why?Whywouldyoulietome?”

“CSstandsforyou,Claire...ItstandsforwhatIwant—whatIneedyoutobe.”
Sheraisedhereyebrowinconfusion,shakingherheadasifshedidn’tunderstand.
Igentlygrabbedherhandandgotdownononeknee.“Claire...”Istoppedonceshegasped.“Ineed

youtoknowthatthere’snothingIwouldn’tdoforyou.Nothing.Ever.AndI’veneverfeltforanyone
whatIfeelforyou.”Iresistedtheurgetostandupandwipeawayhertears.“Ifellinlovewithyouthe
momentwestoppedatthosevacationrentalhousesinSanFran,themomentIrealizedwhateveritwas
betweenuswasmorethanphysical.Muchmore.AndI—”Ifelthertrembling.

“Itoldmyselfthatnomatterhowmuchyoufrustratedme,nomatterhowmuchyoutriedtodeny

thatyouwerefallinginlovewithmetoo,thatIwouldneverletyougo.”

“Jonathan...”Shewascrying.
“Thisisthebiggestdealofmylifeandit’sworthmuchmorethanmycompanyoranyother

billiondollardealthat’scomeacrossmydesk.AndIcan’tgoanotherdaywithoutknowing.”Ipulled
theeighteencaratringoutofmypocket.“Iwantyoutobemine—officially.IwantyoutobeClaire
Statham.”Ipausedforafewseconds.“Claire...Willyoumarryme?”

“Yes.Yes!”ShejoinedmedowninthesandasIslippedtheringontoherfinger.
Ikissedherlips—againandagain,wipingallhertearsawaywithmyfingertips,stiflinghercries

withmorekisses.

Whenwefinallypulledawaytocatchabreath,wesimplystaredatoneanotherinsilence,smiling.

ThenIpulledherontopofme.

“Whatareyouthinkingabout?”Ilookedintohereyes.
“You...HowdoyouthinkClaire‘Gracen-Statham’sounds?”
“Likeit’llneverhappen.”Inarrowedmyeyes.“It’sanallornothingdeal.”
“Isyourjealousyincludedinthepackage?”
“It’sthebestpart.”
“Hmmm...”Shesmiled.“HowmanydaysdoIneedtosetasidefornegotiationsandpaperwork?”
“Paperwork?”
“Yeah...”Sheloweredhervoice.“I’mnotsillyenoughtobelievethatyouwon’tdraftapre-nup

forthis.Imean,I’msureyouwouldn’trakemeoverthecoalsifyouandIdidn’tworkout,but—”

“Stop.”Ipressedmyfingeragainsthermouth.“Thereisnopre-nup.Andtherewon’tbeone.

Ever.”

Shegasped.
“Thisisforever,Claire.Doyouunderstand?It’syouandme,togetherforever,untiltheveryend.”

Ikissedherlips.“Wouldyoulikeawedding?”

Shenodded.
“Abigone?”
Shenoddedagain.

“Okay.”Ismiled.“Wecanplanthatthesecondwegetback.Inthemeantime...”Islippedmyhands

underneathherdressanduntiedthestringsofherbikinitop.“I’dliketoexplorethefutureMrs.
Stathamrightnow.”

Sherolledhereyes.“I’vetoldyouoverandoverthatsandandsexdon’tgotogether.”
“Irememberyousayingthat...”Irippedoffthebottomofherswimsuit.“ButI’dliketofindout

formyself.”

MidLifeLove:AtLast

WhitneyG.

FridayAugust15,2014

Jonathan

Clairedrivesmefuckinginsane...
I’msittingnexttoheratTimeless,WeddingsInc.—aneventplanningfirm,listeningtoheraskthe

directoralistofnever-endingquestions:“Howmanypeopledoyouhaveonyourstaff?”“How
confidentareyouaboutfindingustheperfectvenue?”“What’sthehighestbudgetyou’veever
workedwith?”

EventhoughitlookslikeI’mpayingattentiontoeverythingthedirectorsays—casuallyglancing

upandmakingeyecontacteverynowandthen,myattentionisdefinitelyelsewhere.TheonlythingI
canthinkaboutisthewomanatmysideandhow,althoughsheisundoubtedlytheloveofmylifeand
themostamazingwomanI’veevermet,sheneverceasestofindnewwaystofrustratetheshitoutof
me.

I’vegivenherthreemonthstomarrymeandinthepastfivedaysshe’smanagedtoscheduleus

fortwentythreecateringinterviews,fortyweddingvenueshowings,andsixteencaketesting
appointments.She’sturnedmyparlorroomintoahoardingcellforhundredsofbridalmagazines
andfabricswatches,andeverydaywhenshegetshomesheinsistsonshowingmethenewestwedding
ideasshe’sfoundonPinterestandYouTube.

“Whatdoyouthinkaboutthat,Jonathan?”Claireinterruptsmythoughts.
“WhatdoIthinkaboutwhat?”
“Havingacelebritysingerattheweddingandthereception.Twodifferentones...Wouldthatcost

toomuch?”

“Wecanhavewhateveryouwant,Claire.”Iholdbackasighandshesmiles.
I’vetoldheroverandoverhowIdon’tneed—muchlesswantadamnwedding,butIknowit’ll

makeherhappysoI’mwillingtospendhowevermuchitcosts.

“Itwasapleasurehavingyoutwoheretoday,Mr.StathamandMissGracen.”Thedirectorstands

upandshakesourhands.“Ihopetobechosenasthedirectorofyourwedding.”

Clairesaysafewmorewordstothewomanandthenthetwoofusleavetheroomhandinhand.
“Isthisthelastmeetingfortoday,ordoweneedtomeetwitheveryweddingfirminthecity

beforeyoumakeupyourmind?”

Sherollshereyes.“There’stwomoreandthenwe’redone.Oh,anddon’tforgetaboutourpre-

maritalcounselingsession.Ischeduleditfortomorrowmorningatnine.”

Marriagecounseling.That’sanotherthingshe’sdoing,anotherthingthat’scompletely

unnecessary.Outsideofhertestingmynerveseverysooften,wedon’thaveanyseriousproblems
andwedon’tneedanycounseling.

Asamatteroffact,I’mgoingtomakehercancelthoseappointments.Marriagecounselingisfor

coupleswithtrustissues,coupleswholackintimacyandhaveproblemsconnecting.Assoonaswe
getbackintomycar,I’mgoingtoshowherjusthowwellweconnect.Literally.

Chapter1

Claire

“Wedon’tneedpre-maritalcounseling,Claire.”Jonathanlookedoveratmeastheelevatordoors

closed.“Thisisawasteoftime.”

“Ididn’tsayweneededit.Isaidweshouldtryit—tomakesurewebothhavehonestexpectations

aboutbeingmarried.”

“Andwhatexpectationsarethose?”
“You’llfindoutwhenwegetthere.”Ismiledathimandherolledhiseyes.
I’dtoldhimIwantedtoattendafewsessionsbeforewegotmarried—somethingRyanandIdidn’t

do,justtomakesurewewereonthesamepageaboutafewthings.Ofcourse,hewasonehundred
percentagainsttheidea,butafterItoldhimitwouldmakeme“happy,”heslowlygavein.

WewerescheduledforatwohoursessionwiththetopcounselingfirminSanFrancisco—Waldo

andEmersonAssociates.Thedoctorshadassuredmethatitwouldbealightandeasyprocessand
thatJonathanandIwouldcomeoutofitfeelingcloserthanbefore.

Asourelevatorcametoastopandthedoorsglidedopen,Irealizedthattherewasnothingahead

ofus.Therewasnosecretary’sdesk,nosimplesignthatread“Waldo&Emerson,”norwasthere
anythingthatresembledanysortofprofessionalcounselingbusiness.Instead,theentirefloorwas
coveredinwhitesand,thefewclearcolumnsthatstoodtenfeetapartwerefilledwithcolorfulfish,
andtherewerethreebeigebeanbagsthatsurroundedasmallmakeshiftfire-pit.

BeforeIcouldaccuseJonathanoftamperingwithoursession,amandressedinanall-whitetunic

steppedinfrontofus.

“Ahhhh,”hesaid,smiling.“ThefutureMr.andMrs.Statham.WelcometoWaldopre-marital

counseling.I’mDr.ChoateandI’llbeassistingyouthroughthefirststageofunitytoday.”

“Waitaminute.I’msorry.”Ishookmyhead.“We’resupposedtobemeetingaDr.Clinton.Isthis

thewrongfloor?”

“No.You’reintherightplace.Thisisit.”
“ThenwhereisDr.Clinton?”
“Heretiredlastweek.Hedidn’tsendyouanemail?”
Ishookmyhead.
“Oh,wellsorryaboutthat.Thecompanydecidedtohiremeinhisplacethesamedaythatheleft.

AfterallmysuccesswiththeZenritualsatStathamIndustries,theythoughtIwasthebestchoice.”He
reachedouttoshakeJonathan’shand.“That’swhyit’sanabsolutehonortobestowmynewand
exclusiveZenpracticeswiththemanwhomademeahouseholdname.”

Ohgod...
Heinstructedforustotakeourshoesoffandthenheledusovertothebeanbags.
“So...”Heputonapairofglassesandlookedatasheetofpaper.“MissGracen,Iseethatyou’ve

signedupforthetwohoursession.Isthatcorrect?”

“Yes.”
“Andwhenaskedwhatyouwantedthemainfocustobeon...”Heflippedthepaperover.“Yousaid

thatyoutwoarehavingproblemsintheintimacydepartment?”

Jonathanquicklyturnedhisheadtofaceme,raisinghiseyebrow.

“NO.Ineversaidthat.Isaidthat—”
“Ah,ah,ah.It’srighthere.Mysecretarynevermakesamistake.”
“Youdon’tevenhavea—”
“Shhh.”Heleanedforwardandpressedablackpenagainstmylips.“Don’tbeashamedofyour

bedroomproblems,MissGracen.Everycouplehastheminsomeformoranother.That’swhat
today‘sallabout.”

IcouldfeelJonathanglaringatme,beggingmetolookhiswaysohecouldsaysomething,butI

keptmyeyesstraightahead.

“Ifyou’rehurtingaboutsomething—anythingatall,nomatterhowsmallitis,thesenexttwo

hoursaretheperfecttimetoletitout.”Hetookadeepbreath.Thenheshuthiseyesandslowly
exhaled.“Letitallout.”

Hesatlikethatforatleasttwominutes—shuteyes,Indianstyle,headtilteduptotheceiling,andI

signaledtoJonathansowecouldleaveandendthisjokeofasession,butDr.Choate’seyessuddenly
flewopen.

“Nowthatthat’sdone,”hesaid.“Let’sgetdowntobusiness.Whyareyouheretoday,Mr.

Statham?”

“Tohelpfixmyfiancée’sintimacyproblems.”
“Seethat,MissGracen?”Dr.Choatenodded.“Hewantstofixthingstoo!So,onascaleofoneto

ten,howsatisfiedareyouwithyourcurrentsexlife,Mr.Statham?”

“Twenty.”
“Okay,that’sgreat.MissGracen,howaboutyou?”
“Twenty,”Iwhispered.
“Hmmm.Isee...”Hewrotesomethingdownandheldouttwonotecards.“Iwantyoutowritedown

yourhonestexpectationsforsexaftermarriage.Isitgoingtobethesameasitisnow?More?Less?
Well,definitelynotlessbecauseMissGracenclearlyisn’tsatisfied.”

“Thankyou,Dr.Choate.”Isnatchedmynotecardfromhim,stillavoidingtheintenseglarethat

wascomingfromJonathan.

Iwrotedown“same”onmynotecardandwaitedforhimtospeakagain.
“Okay,nowtossyourcardsintothefirepit.”
What?Webothcrumpledthemupandthrewthemintothesmallfire.
“Now,”hesaidashehandedustwomore.“ThistimeIwantyoutoanswerthequestionthatis

printedonthenotecardandbeashonestaspossible.Andactually,couldyouaddressthemas‘Dear
FutureHusband’and‘DearFutureWife’?We’regoingtotossthemintothefireagainassoonas
we’redone,butmakesureyoutakethisseriously.”

Hereachedbehindhimandturnedonasmallradio—aradiothatplayedthesoundofocean

waves,andthenheshuthiseyesagain.

Therewasonlyonequestiononthecard:What’sonethingyouwishyoucouldchangeaboutyour

currentintimacyexchanges?

IlookedoverandsawJonathanscribblingaway,butIcouldn’tthinkofanything.Isuddenlyfelt

guiltyforsuggestingthissessioninthefirstplace.WhetherIwantedtobelieveinmycurrentfairy
taleornot,therewasnothingIwouldchange.Notadamnthing.

Sure,heandIarguedaboutthingsfromtimetotime—meworkinglatesooften,himbeingso

damncontrolling,meredecoratingeveryroominhishouse,butforthemostpartweweregreat.
Morethangreat.

Asamatteroffact,lastnighthe’dheldmeinhisarmsandtoldmeeverythinghelovedaboutme,

assuringmethatourmarriagewouldbethegreatestaccomplishmentofhislife.

“MissGracen?”Dr.Choatesnappedmeoutofmythoughts.“You’renotwritinganythingdown.

Don’tbeafraidtounleashyourhonesty.Youhavetolethimknowexactlyhowyoufeel.Howelsecan
youexpectyourbadintimacytochangetogoodintimacy?Unlessyouwanttoexperiencebadsexfor
therestofyourlifethatis.Iknowyouonlysaid‘twenty’becausehesaiditfirst.”Hewinkedatme
andthenwhispered,“It’sokay.We’regoingtofixthis.”

Jesus...
IrolledmyeyesandwrotedownafewwordssoitwouldseemlikeIwastrying.WhenIlooked

overatJonathanagain,Irealizedhewasstillwriting.

Hehasthatmuchtosay?!
“Time’sup!”Dr.Choatebeamed.“Now,beforewefeedthefire,we’regoingtoexchangethe

cardsandreadthemoutloud.”

What?!“No...Ican’t.”Istartedtocrumplemineinmyhand.“Ididn’tknowthatwasgoingto

happen.Iwould’vewrittensomethingelse...”

“What’swrong,dear?”Jonathansmirkedandheldhiscardouttome.“Ithoughtwewereworking

onhavinghonestexpectationsforourmarriage.”

Isighedandhandedhimmycrumpledcard,takinghisintomyhands,notbotheringtolookatit.
“Mr.Statham,youfirst.”DoctorChoatesmiled.“What’stheonethingyourfuturewifewould

changeaboutyourcurrentintimacy?”

Jonathanlookeddownatthecard,thenhelookedbackupatme—smilingwithhiseyebrow

raised.

Pleasedon’treaditoutloud...Pleasedon’treaditoutloud...
“Shesaysbettercommunication.”HesmiledevenwiderandIexhaled,relieved.
“Andwhataboutyou,futurewife?Whatdidyourfuturehusbandhavetosayaboutyou?
Iflippedthecardoverandforcedmyselftolookatit:DearFutureWife,theonlythingIwishI

couldchangewaslettingyouwakeuplatethismorningbecauseIshould’vewokenyouupearly,taken
youintheshower,andmadeyouforgetaboutthisdumbassmeeting.However,nowthatwe’rehere,I
wantyoutobefullyawarethatrightafterthisisover,I’mgoingtomakesurethewords“marriage
counseling”and“intimacyproblems”nevercomeoutofyourmouthagain.:-)

Iblushed.“Hesaysthesamething.”
“Okay,wellgreat.Nowwe’regettingsomewhere.Communicationisverykeyinhavinga

successfulintimaterelationship.Movingon...Inanaverageweek,howmanytimesdoyoucurrently
havesexnow,futurewife?Andinallhonesty,isitfulfilling?”

Ishefuckingserious?“Afewtimes,”Isaid,hopinghewouldmoveontosomethingelse.
“Afewtimes?”Jonathanlookedintomyeyes.“That’swhatyouhonestlythink?”
Stopit...IknewhewasreadingmymindrightnowandcouldsensethatIwantedhimtostop,but

hewasclearlyenjoyingmyembarrassment.

“Doctor,whatclassifiesasafewtimes?”Jonathankepthiseyeslockedonmine.
“Twoorthreetimesaweek,Mr.Statham.”
“Hmmm...Andalot?”
“Well,IguessIwouldsayeighttotentimesaweek.”
“Interesting.”Heleanedforwardandranhisfingersacrossmygoldenanchornecklace.“So

Claire,havingheardthat,youthinkafewtimesisaccurateforwhatwedo?”

“Yes.Ido.”Ididn’twantthedoctorinoursexlife.Atall.WhenI’dmadethisappointment,I’d

beenassuredthatthefocuswouldbeonusdiscussingourexpectationsforthelongterm—ourgoals
andourdreams.TherewasnomentionofdissectingwhatwedidinthebedroomandIwasdamnsure
Ineversaidanythingabout“intimacyproblems.”

“Iamsohurtbytheseclaims,Doctor.”Jonathanputhishandoverhischest.“Imean,tohavethe

loveofmylifetellmethatshefeelslikeweonlyhavesexafewtimesaweekisjust...Isthisthepart
whereI’mallowedtocry?”

“Yes,Mr.Statham.Letoutallofyourpain.”
Hesmirked.“Isoursexnotmemorabletoyou,Claire?Itmustnotbeifyouthinkweonlyhavesex

twotothreetimesaweek.Iwantanhonestmarriageaswell,soifyouthinkwehaveintimacy
problemsandthatoursexisthatterrible—”

“Wehavesexeveryday.”Inearlylostit.“Every.Day.Sometimesmorethanonce.Sometimes

morethantwice.Andeverytimeisfuckingmemorable.Happy?”Inarrowedmyeyesathimandhe
kissedmycheek.

“Um...”Thedoctoradjustedthesleevesofhistunic.“Well...I....Verygoodforbothofyou.Let’s

moveawayfromintimacythen,shallwe?”

“Thankyou.”Webothsaidinunison.

Oncethecounselingsessionfinallycametoanend,webothshookDr.Choate’shandandsaidwe’d
be“intouch”aboutschedulingparttwo.Assoonastheelevatordoorsopened,Irushedinsideand
pressedthe“doorclose”buttonoverandover—anxioustogetfarawayfromwhitesandandinvasive
notecards.

“What’stherush,futurewife?”Jonathansteppeddirectlyinfrontofmeandpressedmyback

againstthewall.“Doyouhaveanothermeetingtogotorightnow?Somewhereelsewhereyouplan
ondiscussingourintimacyproblems?”

“Ineversaidwehadintimacyproblems...Thatwasamistakeandyouknowit.”
“Hmmm.”Hebrushedhisfingersagainstmynecklace.
“Ican’tbelieveyoupushedmeintotellinghimaboutoursexlife.”
“Heasked.”
“Youdidn’thavetotellhimthetruth.”
“Ithoughtyouwantedmetobehonest.”Heranhisfingersthroughmyhair.“I’vetoldyoua

milliontimesthatIdon’tlie.”

“Well,whydidn’tyoutellhimwhatIwrotedownonthatcard?”
Heslippedhishandunderneathmyskirt.“Ifyouwouldlike,wecangobackupandI’llhappily

tellhimthatmyfuturewifewishesthatmyheadwasbetweenherlegsrightnow.”

Iblushedandshookmyhead.
“Areyousure?”Hetuggedatmypanties.“I’mnotopposedtotellinghimthat.”
“That’sokay...”
Heloweredhismouthtomyneck,takinghistimetopressgentlekissesontomyskinashe

wrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist.

Ilookedupatthefloornumbersthatwereflashingabovethedoorsaswepassedthemby—Eight,

Seven,Six,andpushedhimawayfromme.

“We’realmostbackinthelobby,”ImurmuredasIsteppedtotheotherside.
“No.We’renot.”Hehitthestopbuttonandwalkedovertome,pressingmeagainstthewallagain.

“Iactuallythinkwedohaveonehugeintimacyproblem,Claire.”

“What?”
“Whyisitthatyoucanonlybeopenwithmeaboutsexintextmessagesandnotecards?”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“YouknowexactlywhatI’mtalkingabout.”Hecutmeoffwithakissandslowlyhikedmydress

uptomystomach.“Ialwayshavetotryandreadyourmind,orreadbetweenyourlittlesmart-ass

commentswhenitcomestowhatyouwant...Whyisthat,Claire?”

“I...”Icouldn’tfocuswhenhelookedatmelikethis,whenhelockedhiseyesonmineand

demandedanswersthatIdidn’thave.

“IfyoulikewhenIfuckyouwithmymouth,whydon’tyoueversaythatwhenwe’reathome?”
Ibitmylipasheslippedafingerinsideofme,asheheldmesteadywithhisotherarm.
“Hmmm,Claire?I’mstandingrighthere...Tellmewhatyouwant...”
“Jonathan...”Imoaned;hewaspressinghisthumbagainstmyclit,punishingitwithslow,

sensuouscircles.

“Youcan’ttellmerightnowbecauseyou’dratherwaituntilyougettoworkandtellmeinatext

message?”

“No...”
“Thentellmewhatyoulike...”
“Everything...”
Heclosedthelittlespacethatwasleftbetweenus,keepinghisthumbbusy,bringinghismouth

closetomyear.“TellmeyouloveitwhenIfuckyouwithmymouth.”

“Ido.”
“Say.It.”
Iswallowed.“Ilovewhenyougodownonme...”
Hesighedandslowlypulledawayfromme,andIthoughthewasgoingtostepoverandhitthe

startbutton,buthespunmearoundsothatIwasfacingthecornerandgrippedmywaist.“Youwere
right...Wedoneedbettercommunication.”

“Jonathan,therearefederalofficesinhere.Thefiredepartmentisgoingto—”IstoppedonceI

felthimslidingintome,forcinghimselfdeeperanddeeper.

“IfyouthinkthatI’mgoingtobehappyinamarriagewheremyownwifecan’ttellmewhatshe

wants,you’resadlymistaken,Claire...”Heheldmecompletelystilloncehewasentirelyinside.
Kissingthebackofmyneck,hewhisperedonceagain,“Tell.Me.What.You.Like.”

Icouldn’tthink.Iwastoopre-occupiedwiththoughtsofthefiredepartmentcallingtheelevatorto

checkonus,thoughtsabouthowmystandinginacornerwithJonathanburieddeepinsideofme
wouldlook.

BeforeIcouldsnapbackintorealityandanswerhim,hepulledoutandquicklythrusthimself

backin—overandover,makingmescreamlouderthanever.

“Iaskedyouaquestion,Claire.”Hegrippedmybreastsandsqueezedthem,slammingintome

witheachmoanIletescapefrommymouth.

“I...Ilike...”Istuttered.“Ilikewhenyou...”
“Yes?”Hemovedoneofhishandsdowntomyclitandstartedrubbingitinarhythmheknewall

toowell.

“Whenyou...”
“Fuckmewithyourmouth...”Hewasspeedinguphisthrustsnow,makingitharderandharderfor

metotalkstraight.“Finish.The.Sentence.”

“Wait...I...Ilikewhen...whenyou—”
BEEP!BEEP!
“Elevatorcarnumber510atWaldoandEmersonAssociates,Thisisrespondingunit861.”A

voicecameoverthespeakers.“SpeakingtoyourightnowisfirechiefBrennanMarshall.We’ve
noticedthecurrentcarthasstalledforoversixminutes.Arethereanypersonsinside?”

BEEP!BEEP!
“YouknowIdon’tcareiftheyseeuslikethis...”Jonathanreacheddownformyhands,pulling

themupovermyheadandpressingthemagainstthewall.“AndIwon’tstopwhentheyopenthedoors

ifyouhaven’tansweredme.”

“Arethereanypersonsinside?”Thefirechiefrepeated.“Hmmm.Mightbeanemptycart

gentlemen,”hesaidinaloweredvoice.

“Therearepersonsinside.”Jonathanansweredcalmly,buthisthrustsinsideofmeweretheexact

opposite.Iwasdoingmybesttoholdmybreathandbitedownonmyliptopreventmyselffrom
screamingagain.

“Okay,holdtight.We’llsendateamovernow.”
Therewasanotherseriesofbeepstoendtheconversation,andtheneverythingaroundmewent

hazy—blurred.Iwassuddenlyscreamingatthetopofmylungsashepushedmetothevergeofan
orgasm,ashedemandedthatIanswerhimonelasttime.

“Ilovewhenyou...”Iletmyheadfallbackagainsthisshoulder,letmybodycompletelygo.

“Whenyoufuckmewithyourmouth...”Ishutmyeyesasmykneesgaveinbeneathme,asheslowly
slidoutofmeandletmefalldowntothefloor.

Iwantedtositlikethatforever—onahigh,inbliss,butJonathanpulledmeupandheldmeagainst

hisside,hittingthestopbuttonandpressingthelevelthatwasrightabovethelobby.

Whenwesteppedofftheelevator,hekeptmetuckedbyhissideandledmedowntheemergency

stairwellandoutside.Assoonasthefirstwhiffoffreshairhitmyface,Itookadeepbreath.“Doyou
alwayshavetodothattome?Isitimpossibleforyoutowait?”

“It’stheonlywaytogetyoutotellmethetruth...”Hereleasedme.“AndIthinkyoulikeit...”
Irolledmyeyesandtriednottosmile.
“Iloveyou,Claire.”Hekissedmyforeheadandadjustedmynecklace.“Idon’tknowwhyyou’re

stillsoreservedaboutdiscussingsexwithme,butyoushouldn’tbe.Youshouldbeabletotellme
whatyouwant,wheneveryouwant,andI’llmakesureitgetsdone.”Hekissedmeagainandwrapped
hisarmsaroundmywaist,leadingmeovertotheparkinglot.

Asweapproachedourcars—towncarforme,Bugattiforhim,hespunmearoundtofacehim.
“Doyoustillthinkweneedpre-maritalcounseling?Arethereanyotherintimacyissuesweneed

todiscuss?”

“No...”
“Hmmm...”Hepressedhislipsagainstmine.“YouaresoluckythatIhaveaflighttocatchright

now,”hesaidasheslowlypulledhismouthawayfromme,ashepressedmycrumplednotecardinto
myhand.“Behomebysix.”

Dayslater,IstoodinmyofficeandstaredatthenewestsetoffamilyphotosI’dhungonmywall:
picturesofme,Ashley,Caroline,andJonathanhangingoutataprivatelake.

Inonephoto,thefourofuswerebuildingalargesandcastle,laughingathowlongit’dtakenus

toputittogether.Inanotherwewererowingfoursmallkayaksacrossthewater.

EversinceAshleyandCarolinehadgoneoffearlytocollegeinArizona,mydaysathomewerea

lotlessnoisy.Theywereactuallyquiteboring.

Imissedthetwoofthemlyingaroundonthecouch—talkingaboutabsolutelynothing,laughingat

myterriblejokes,andultimatelygettingonmynervesfromtimetotime.Imissedthat.

Now,insteadoffamilydinnersonSundayandThursdaynights,JonathanandIsimplywentover

tohislittlesisterHayley’scondoandatedinnerwithher.Althoughheneveradmittedit,Jonathanwas
missingfamilydinnerstoo;Iwasprettysurethatwaswhyhe’dalreadyplannedaweekofmealsfor
theirThanksgivingandChristmasbreaks.

“MissGracen?”Myassistantinterruptedmythoughts.
“Yes,Rita?”

“YourdailyflowersfromMr.Stathamhavejustarrived.Wouldyouliketheminhere?”
“Yes,please.”Ileanedbackandwatchedasshepulledasmallcartofflowers—orchids,Baby’s

Breath,andwhitecarnations,intomyoffice.

Asusual,therewasasilvercardwithanoteontop:

DearFutureWife,

DoIneedtostartpickingyouupfromworktogetyouhomeintimetoeatdinnerwithme?You’ve

beenlateallweek.

StopTestingMe.

Love,

YourFutureHusband

Ilaughed.Iwasabouttopickupmyphoneandcallhim,butRitasteppedinsidemyofficeagain.
“Yourthreeo’clockisherenow,”shesaid.“I’mgoingtogoaheadandbringherbackbeforemy

lunchbreak.”

“Thankyou,Rita.”Istoodupandsmoothedmydress,readytosealanotherdeal,blocking

everythingelseout.

Assoonastheclientwalkedinsidemyoffice,mymindwasfocusedonwhitecolumns,framed

cabinets,andthestainedwoodnecessarytocreateabrandnewspace.SheandItalkedforhours,
negotiatingthetimeline,thebestmaterials,andofcourse—thecostforeverything.

WhenIhandedherthefinalcontract,shenoddedherheadandgrabbedapentosignit.

“Everythinglooksreallygood,MissGracen.Thesedatesworkwellforme.”

“Great.I’mreallylookingforwardtodesigningyournewlivingroom,Mrs.Klein.”Ishookher

handandstoodup.

“Thankyou.”Shesmiled.“I’msureit’llbejustasfabulousasallyourotherwork.”
“Iguaranteeit.”Iledheroutofmyofficeandbackinsidethestorefront,pullingallthedrapes

closedonceshewalkedoutside.

I’llfinallygettomakeithomeontimetoday...
Istartedstraighteningthepillowdisplaythatwasoverbythebaywindow,makingsureallthetags

weretightlytuckedunderneath.Iwastemptedtolayacrossthemandrelax,butmyphonerang.
Jonathan.

“Hello?”
“Hello,Claire.”Hisdeepvoicestillhadthepowertomakememelt.“Whatareyoudoingright

now?”

“I’m...I’mclosingthestore.You?”
“I’mdriving.Areyoutired?”
“Why?”
“Answerthequestion.”
“Yes.”Irolledmyeyes.“I’mtootiredtohavesexwithyourightnow.”
Helaughed.“Wouldyoulikemetorescheduleourmeetingwiththeweddingplannerthen?”
“No!”I’dbeenlookingforwardtothatmeetingforweeks.“Notatall.”
“Good.I’monmywaytopickyouup.I’llbethereinfiveminutes.”
“Seeyousoon.”Ihungupandstartedswipingamini-dusteroverallthecandleshelves.
IwashalfwaydonewhenIheardthebelloverthedoorring.
“I’llberightthere.”Isighedanddidn’tbotherturningaround.“Letmefinishthislastshelfand—”
“Claire?”
Mybloodboiledattheverysoundofthatvoice.
Ishookmyhead,knowingthatIcouldn’tbestandinginmystore.Ihadtobeathomeandasleepin

mybed.Ihadtobedreaming.Ihadtobehavinganightmare.

“Claire?”Heaskedagain,andIpinchedmyselfbeforeslowlyturningaround.
Iwasn’tathome.Iwasn’tdreaming.
ItwasRyan.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Ihissed.
“Ialmostdidn’trecognizeyouwhenIwalkedin.Youlookgood,reallygood...”Helookedmeup

anddown.“Lifemustbetreatingyouwell.”

“What.Are.You.Doing.Here?”Inarrowedmyeyesathim.
“Look.IknowI’mthelastpersonyouwanttoseerightnow,butsinceI’mintown,IthoughtI

would—”

“Invitemeouttodinner?Catchuponlife?Idon’thaveshittosaytoyou.”
“Ibegtodiffer.Weneedtotalk.”
“Nothanks.Notinterested.”
“It’simportant.”Hesighed.
“No.It’snot.”
“Claire,it’sbeenfiveyearsnow.Wecanatleastbecordialtooneanother.”
“Cordial?HowcordialdoyouthinkIshouldbetothelyingsackofshitwhogotmyex-best

friendpregnant?”Ishookmyhead.“Actually,don’tevenanswerthat.I’vealreadyusedupmy
‘pointlessconversation’minutesfortheday.Pleasegetthefuckoutofmystore.”

“You’regoingtolistentome,Claire.”Hetookastepforwardandlookeddirectlyintomyeyes.

“Whetheryoulikeitornot,you’regoingtostandthereandlistentoeveryfuckingwordthatIhaveto
say.”

Icrossedmyarms.“IfIwereyou,Iwouldleaverightnow.Myfiancéewillbehereanyminute

andhewon’tbeasniceasI’mbeingtoyou.”

Hisfacesuddenlyfell—oratleastitlookedlikeitdid.“You’re...You’reengagednow?Towho?”
“Pleaseleave,Ryan.”Ifeltanacheinmychest—apainful,burningache.“Idon’twantyouhere.

Ever.”

Hestaredatme—shakinghisheadasheslowlybackedaway.
Beforeheopenedthedoor,helookedoverhisshoulder.“I’monlyleavingrightnowbecause

you’reclosingandIhavesomewheretobe.Iwasjuststoppingbytomakesureitwastruethatyou
workedhere.Trustme,I’llbeback.AndyouandIaregoingtotalk.”

Ittookeveryounceofstrengthinmybodynottorunoverandstabhimwiththesharpedgeofmy

dustwand,butIjuststoodthere.Paralyzed.Livid.

Assoonashewasgone,Igainedmobilityagainandthrewmydust-wandtothefloor.Iheaded

behindthecounter,pressingthebuttonthatmadetheglasspaneldropdownandblockanyonefrom
cominganyfurther;Ididn’twanttotakeanychancesonhimreturningminuteslater.

Ilockedmyselfinthebathroomandrancoldwaterinthesink,splashingmyfaceoverandover

again.AshardasItriedtofightit,mymostvividandbittermemoryofourfailedmarriagebeganto
playinmymind...

ItookanothersipofdisgustingwineandlookedattheincriminatingphotosBarryhadhandedme.

“IaskedAmandawhereshewasonlastFriday.”Barrylitacigarandshookhishead.“Shetoldme

shewaswithyou—outshoppingforanewdress.”Hepickeduponeofthephotosandranhisfingers
alongthetimestamp.“MaybeshemeantshewaswearingadresswhileshewasfuckingRyaninhis
office...”

Iletoutashortnervouslaugh,butIcouldn’tstopcrying.AshardasItriedtorepressmysobs,the

tearswerefallingfasterandfasterandmychestwasheavinguncontrollably.

Awaiterstoppedbyandclearedhisthroat.“Um,sir?Thisisanonsmokingcafé.”
“Mywifeisfuckingherhusband.”Barrysnapped.“IcansmokewhereverthefuckIwanttoday.”
Thewaiter ’sfaceturnedbrightredandhedashedacrosstheroom.
Iwipedawayanotherstreamoftearsandstaredatthephotothathadfalleninmylap,theoneof

RyantuckingastrandofhairbehindAmanda’sear,theoneofherleaningincloseforakissfromhis
lips.

“CanIkeepasetofthese?”Myvoicecracked.
“Ofcourseyoucan.Imadefourcopies.Oneforyou,oneforme,andtwosetsformylawyers.”
Inoddedandslidthestackofphotosbackintotheenvelope.Iwastoonumbtosayanythingelse.I

neededtobealone.

Standingup,IwalkedoverandhuggedBarry—knowingthatIwouldn’tseehimagainforavery

longtime.

Hehuggedmebackandusedhiswrinkledsleevetowipemyface.“You’regoingtobeokay,

Claire.Don’tletwhatthey’vedonetousruinyou.You’reanamazingpersonandyou’llbounceback
fromthis...”

Hesaidafewmorethings,butIcouldn’tmakeoutanyofthewords.Iwastoobusyfocusingon

thedrivehome,toobusywonderingwhatthehellIwasgoingtosaywhenIsawRyanfacetoface.

Idraggedmyselfoutofthehotelloungeandintotherain—notbotheringtoputupmyumbrella.

Thevaletbroughtmycararoundandofferedtogivemeatowelformyseat,butIslippedinsideand
spedoff.

“Iloveyou,Claire...You’retheloveofmylife...I’mgoingtomakesureouranniversaryisthebest

onewe’veeverhad...”

IsniffledasIrememberedhimsayingthosewordstome—lastnight.
“You’retheonlywomanI’veeverloved—andyoualwayswillbe...”
Ipulledoffontheexitthatledtooursuburb,shakingmyheadatallthebeautifulmemoriesthat

wereplayinginmyhead—knowingthatnomatterwhatIsaidtohimtonight,ourso-called“fairytale”
waslongover.

Idrovearoundourneighborhooduntilmygasneedlehit“E,”tryingtocomeupwithsomething

tosay,butIwastoonumb,toohurt.AfterdecidingthatIwouldletthepicturessayitall,Idrovemy
carintothegarageandsatatthewheelwithmyheadinmyhands.

Thetwoofuswerejustshoppingfornewkitchencountertopslastweek—hewantedwoodandI

wantedgranite.Wewerejustplanningourfifteenyearanniversary,andeventhoughhe’dbeenvague
abouttheplans,IwassurehewastakingmetothePanamaCanal—theplaceI’dalwayswantedtogo.

Aroundofthunderroaredinthedistanceandtherainbegantopeltevenharder,soIclosedthe

garagedoorandslippedoutofthecar.

Takingadeepbreath,Islowlytwistedthedoorknobandsteppedinsidethehouse.
“Hey,Mom!”“Whyareyousolatetoday?”CarolineandAshleydidn’tlookupfromtheir

homework.

“Heybabe.”Ryanpulledmeintohisarmsandkissedmyforehead.“Areyouokay?”Heraisedhis

eyebrow,loweringhisvoiceandaskingwhymyfacewas“sored...like[I’d]beencrying.”

Ididn’tanswerhisquestion.Ijuststaredintohiseyes,wonderinghowhecouldactasif

everythingwasnormal—asifhehadn’tjustfuckedAmandainourbedroomyesterday.

“You’redrenched...”Heranhishandsagainstmysoakedblazer.“Didyouloseyourumbrella?”
Iswallowed,shakingmyhead.
Hesmiled.“Well,godryup.Whatever ’sbotheringyou—whateveritis,wecantalkaboutitafter

dinner.Okay?Iorderedpizzafromthegirls’favoriteplaceandit’sreadynow.”Hekissedmycheek.
“I’llberightback.”

Iheardhimwhisper“Iloveyou”intomyearbeforehewalkedawayanddisappearedintothe

garage.

AssoonasIheardhimrevvinguphiscarandheadingdownthedriveway,Iturnedtofacemy

daughters.

“Mom?”Ashleytiltedherheadtotheside.“What’swrongwithyou?”
Carolineliftedherheadupandfrowned.“Mom?Whyareyoustaringatuslikethat?”Shelooked

atAshleyandshookherhead.“Whyisn’tshetalking?”

“Ineedyoutwotogotoyourroom.”Myvoicecracked.“Ineedto...Ineedtotalkyourdadwhen

hegetsback.Alone.”

Theyexchangedconfusedglances,buttheyputtheirfoldersawayandhuggedmebeforeheading

upstairs.

AssoonasIheardtheirdoorclose,Itooktheenvelopefromtheinsideofmyblazerandsatdown

atthetable,thinkingabouthowIwasgoingtopresentthephotostoRyan.

Allofasudden,myphonevibrated.Atext.Amanda.“HeyClaire!Justtextingyoutoremindyou

aboutthatjazzerciseclasswesignedupfortomorrowmorning!I’llpickyouupatnine!”

Isthisbitchserious?!
Itossedmyphoneacrosstheroom,knockingaphotoframeoffthewall.Hurt,Istoodupandtook

thephotosoutoftheenvelope.Iwalkedarounddownstairsandtossedthemalloverthefloor,leaving
atrailfromthediningroomtothelivingroomandintothekitchen.

ThelastphotoinmyhandswasoneofAmandastraddlinghislapinhiscarlastweek—inthe

parkinglotofhislawfirm.

Iwantedtoripitapartandforcethepiecesdownhisthroat,butIheardtheknobofthegarage

doortwisting,heardhimsaying,“Where’deverybodygo?I’mback!”

Ileanedagainstthetableandtriedtocalmmyshakinghands.
“Ashley?Caroline?Claire?”Hisstepsweregettingcloserandcloser.“Didatornadohittheinside

ofourhousewhileIwasgone?”Hefinallysteppedintothekitchen.

“What’sgoingon,Claire?”Hesetthepizzasdownonthecounter.“Whatareallthesepicturesand

whyaretheyallovertheplace?”

Ididn’tanswer.Ijuststaredathimashebentdowntopickoneofthemup,ashisfaceimmediately

wentwhite.

Helookedupatmeinutterhorror,devastation.“Claire,I’msosorry...Canwe...Canwetalkabout

this?”

Icringedatthememoryandsplashedmorewaterontomyface.

ThemerethoughtofRyanstilllitabitterflamewithinme,butseeinghim?Inperson?Thatwasa

damnwildfire,andIwasn’tsurehowlongitwouldtaketoputout.

Icouldn’tbelievehisaudacity—toactuallyshowupandattempttohavearegularconversation

withme,toactasifIwouldgivehimthetimeofday.

Whatthefuckdoeshewant?
Therewasaknockatthedoor,butIdidn’tanswerit.Icouldn’t.Mybodywasshakingandmy

thoughtswereconsumedwithrageandanger.

Whywouldheevenshowuphere?HeknowsIHATEhim...
“Claire?”Jonathan’svoicewasontheothersideofthedoor.
“Yes?”Isnappedoutofmytranceandunlockedit.
“Whyareyouinhere?Andwhyisyourfacewet?”Hegrabbedatowelofftherackandsoftly

presseditagainstmycheeks.“Areyouhot?”

“No...I’m...”Ihesitated.
“Wecanrescheduletheappointment.”Hewrappedhisarmaroundmywaistandwalkedmeback

outfront.“I’llletherknowwecancomeanotherday.Youdon’tlooklikeyou’refeelingwell.”

“I’mnot...Ryanwasjusthere.”
Hisbodysuddenlystiffened,andhelookeddownatmewithhisjawclenched.“Yourex-husband

Ryan?”

Inodded.
“Whatdidhewant?”
“Idon’tknow...Itoldhimtoleave.Ididn’twanttotalktohim.”
“Good.”Hiseyessoftenedabit,butIcouldtellhewasupset.“Howdoesheknowwhereyou

work?”

“Idon’tknow...”CarolineandAshleyknewbetterthantodiscussmewithRyan,justlikethey

knewbetterthantodiscusshimwithme.ThefewmutualfriendswesharedbackinPittsburghonly
knewtidbitsofmynewlife—nothingmajor,andtheywouldnevershareanyinformationwithhim.

“DoyouknowwhyhewouldbothercomingtoSanFrancisco?”
Ishookmyhead.Therewasnothinghereforhim.
“Hmmm.”Hepulledmecloseandkissedmyhair.“I’llmakesureheneverbothersyouagain.”
Iwantedtoask,“How?”butIknewhewouldhandleit.Ileanedagainsthimandsighedasheled

meovertothepassengersideofhiscar.

“Sinceyou’refinallyleavingworkontimetoday,whatwouldyoulikefordinner?”Herevvedup

theengineandlookedoveratme.

“You.”
“That’simplied.”Hegrinned.“Wecanordersomethingin.”
Hepulledoffandspedontothehighway,makingmesmileathowperfectmylifewasrightnow,

howeverythingIwantedandneededwassittingnexttomeinthiscar.

AsIlookedoutmywindowandwatchedthecitydisappearinthedistance,Itriednottothink

aboutRyan’svisit,butIcouldn’thelpit.

Outsideofschedulingtimetoseeourdaughters,Ryanhadn’tbotheredmeanyotheryearthatI’d

beenlivinghere.Heknewnotto,andIdidn’tneedmypainfulpastcollidingwithmyperfectpresent.
Ever.

Ithastobesomethingreallyseriousforhimtocomehere...No,fuckhim.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatit

is...

Chapter1.5

Claire

Summer2009

“Youdidn’tseeanyofthiscoming,Claire?”MynextdoorneighborAndreahandedmeabox.

“Therehadtobesigns.”

“No.Thereweren’tanysigns...”Igrittedmyteeth.
“I’msorry...Ijust—”
“Youjustwhat?”
“Amanda’sareallygoodperson...”
“Areyoufuckingkiddingme,Andrea?Iaskedyouoversoyoucouldhelploadupmycar,not

standthereanddefendthatho-bag.”

Shesighed.“I’msorry...Ijustthoughtyouwould’vebeenalittlesuspicious...”
“Suspiciousaboutwhat?”
“Thetwoofthemhangingoutsomuchmaybe?”Sheplacedthegirls’blanketsintomytrunkand

shutit.“MichaelandIthoughtsomethingwasupwhenthethreeofyoucametoourChristmasparty
lastyear...Theyspentanawfullotoftimeonourpatio...”

“Thankyou,Andrea.”Itriednottorollmyeyes.“That’swhatIreallyneedtohearrightnow.You

knowwhat?SayitagainsoIcanfeelevenbetter.”

Shepulledmeintoherarmsandhuggedmetightly.“I’monlysayingitbecause...Ineverreally

likedRyan,Claire.I’vealwaysthoughtthatyoucoulddobetter—somuchbetter...I’mnothappyatall
aboutwhathappenedtoyou,andifIcouldkillthembothandgetawaywithitIwould.”Hervoice
cracked.“I’vejustbeentryingtochangeyourmindaboutmovingbut...KeepyourselfsafeinSan
Francisco,okay?Iwantyoutofindsomeonewhoactuallydeservesyou.”

Inoddedandslowlyletmyselfoutofherembrace.Itriedtohandherthetwothousanddollar

checkshe’dgivenmeearlier,butsherefusedtotakeitandwalkedaway—crying.

IforcedalumpdownmythroatandslippedintomyAudiQ7withmydaughters,headingstraight

forthehighway,formynewlife.

“Youhadtoseethesigns,Claire...Youhadtoseethesigns...”
Ihadn’t.Ireallyhadn’t.
HowcouldIwhenRyanwassofuckingwonderful?Sofuckingperfect.
AndAmandawas—shewasmybestfriend.
Idrovedowntheinterstateandflippedthroughallmymemories—birthdays,get-togethers,

anniversaries—andineverylastonethetwoofthemwererightbymysideasalways.Ithoughtback
tomorerecentmemoriesasIcrossedoverthestateline,andthenacoupleonesstartedtostickout—a
coupleonesthatIwouldhaveneversecondguessedbefore...

Threemonthsago...

“Deathbyfallingoffabuildingordrowningintheocean?”IthrewapeanutM&MatRyan.

“Fallingoffabuilding.”
“What?Why?”

“Itwouldbeaninstantdeathoncemybodyhittheconcrete.Drowningtakeswaytoolong.Plus,

there’snoguaranteemybodywouldbefoundifIdiedintheocean.Iwantmybodytobeinthecasket
afterIdie.”

Inoddedathislogicandlookedupatthebright,bluesky.
WeweresittinginthegrassatFrickPark,enjoyingasmallbreakfastpicnictogether.We’dbeen

comingtothisparkonceamontheversincewewereinhighschool,eversinceheadmittedthathe
wasinlovewithmeandwantedtomarrymesomeday.

“Okay,wait.”Ilookedoverathimagain.“Ihaveanotherone:Whichisworse?Anemotional

affairoraphysicalaffair?”

Hepausedbeforeanswering,thenhelookedintomyeyes.“Emotional.It’seasiertocutoffsex.

Feelingsnevergoaway—nomatterhowhardyoutrytoburythem...”

“Thatmakesperfectsense...So,let’ssayyourwifeishavinganaffair.Wouldyouratheritbewith

astrangerorwithyourbestfriend?”

“What?”
“Wouldyouratherloseyourwifetoastrangerortoyourbestfriend?”IthrewanotherM&Mat

him.

“Jesus,Claire.Whattypeofquestionisthat?”
“You’veaskedmemuchworsebefore.”Ishuddered,thinkingaboutthetimehe’daskedme

whetherI’dratherhavesexinfrontoftwentypeopleorgetgangbangedbythreeguysinprivate.

Helookedoutoverthelakeandsighed.“Neither.”
“Youcan’tchooseneither.”Ishookmyhead.“That’soneofyourrules,remember?Pick.”
“IguessIwouldpickthestranger...Yeah...Thestranger.”
“That’sit?That’sallyouhavetosay?Youusuallyhaveanentirereasoningbehindyourpick.

Givemethelogic.”

“WellIguessitwould...Itwouldhurteitherway,Ijust...”Hisvoicetrailedoff.“WiththestrangerI

wouldn’thavetoworryaboutfeelingasbetrayed...Whereas,ifIlostyoutomybestfriendI—I’mnot
surehowIwouldeverdealwiththatorifIwouldevergetoverit.It’dbetheworstthingmybest
friendcouldpossiblydo...”

“Ione-hundred-percent-agree.”Ipulledhimdownontoourblanketandkissedhislips.“Youknow

whatIwasthinkingtheotherday?”

“Tellme.”
“Wenevergotthechancetohavearealwedding...”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
Isighedandrememberedhowpoorwewerewhenwedecidedtotietheknot,howI’dhadtobuy

myweddingdressfromtheneighborhoodthriftstoreandbegmymomtomakeallthealterations.

Wedidn’tevenhaveenoughmoneytorentavenue,andsinceourchurchwasundergoing

renovations,wedecidedtohaveitinhismother ’sbackyard.Don’tgetmewrong,thatwasthe
happiestdayofmylifeandourmomsdecoratedthehelloutofthatbackyard—somuchsothatit
almostlookedlikeitbelongedinamagazine,butitwasn’teverythingIwantedittobe.

“Wouldn’titbegreatifforourfifteenthanniversarywerenewedourvowsatanactual

ceremony?”Iasked.“Well,wait.Itwouldprobablyhavetobefiveorsixmonthsafterour
anniversary.”

“Whyisthat?”
“BecauseofAmanda.She’llhavedeliveredherbabyandIwouldwanthertobemymaidof

honoragain—witharealdressandflowersthistime.”

HemumbledsomethingthatIcouldn’thear.

“Andwecouldhaveitatarealvenue,notinyourmom’sbackyard.”Ismiled.“Ashleyand

Carolinecanbejuniorbridesmaids.Ordoyouthinkthey’dratherbehostesses?”

“They’llprobablyjustbehappytobeinthewedding.”Hemovedclosertome.“Ithoughtyou

likedourwedding.Idid...”

“Oh,Ididtoo,butitwasn’ttheweddingofmydreams.Youknow?”
“Itwasforme.”Hecaressedmyhand.“Ijustwantedtobemarriedtoyou.Itdidn’tmatterwhereit

happened.Itcould’vebeeninthecourthouseforallIcared.”

Myheartswelledashepressedhislipsagainstmine.
ItwassmallmomentslikethisthatmademeappreciateRyanmoreandmore.Eventhoughhewas

makingtentimestheamountofmoneyhewasmakingwhenwefirstgotmarried,healwaystouted
meashisbestassetandhealwaysfoundthesweetestwordstosay.

“Ihopeit’salwayslikethis,Ryan.”Ismiled.“Always.”
“Likewhat?”
“Calm.Easy.Perfect.Justperfect...”Ikissedhimagain.
“Metoo.”

Twomonthsago...

“Tellmewhyyou’replanningatriptothePanamaCanalagain?”Amandatiedanapronaroundher
babybump.“You’rescaredofplanes.”

“We’regoingtotakeacruisethere,smartass.AndIfiguredthatweneedtostartplanningnow.

YouknowRyandoesn’thavemuchfreetimeoutsideofhisoffdays.Heseemstobealotbusiernow.”

Sheclearedherthroat.“Right.Wouldyoulikesomecookies?Imadeyourfavoriteyesterday.”

Shewalkedovertoherrefrigeratorandpulledoutatrayofmintchocolatechipcookies.“IthinkI
finallyperfectedmymom’srecipeforthese.Doyouknowshestillwon’tgiveittome?That’show
stubbornsheis.”

“Ryanwouldnevercheatonme,right?”
“What?”Sheraisedhereyebrow.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
“That....ThatRyanwouldnevercheatonme,right?”
“Youthinkhe’scheatingonyou?”Shefrowned.
“No...Ijust...Idon’tknow.IthinkI’vebeenwatchingtoomuchDr.Philorsomething.Everycouple

ontherethat’sbeentogetherfortenormoreyearsseemstofallapartoverinfidelity.Andalotof
themtalkaboutallthesesignsthatsignalthatanaffaircouldbehappeningbut...Ryanisjustreally
busynow.Itcan’tbewhattheysay.”

“No,it’sdefinitelynot.Don’treadintoittoomuch.”
Isighed.“I’msorryIeverbroughtthisup.Idon’tevenknowwherethatthoughtcamefrom.”
“Don’tapologize...I’msureeverywomanhasdoubtsabouthermarriagefromtimetotime.I

knowIdo...”

“Youdo?Ithoughteverythingwasgreatnow,especiallysinceyoufinallyhaveababyonthe

way.”Ileanedoverthecounterandtookafewcookiesoffthetray.

“Lookscanbedeceiving.”Shelookedlikeshewasabouttocry,likewhateverwasonhermind

wassomethingthatwastormentingher.“Barryis...Idon’tknow...He’sdifferentlately.Hehardlyever
speakstome.Itjuststartedhappeningafewweeksago...Wewerefineandthenonedayhecame
home,walkedintothekitchen,andhejuststaredatmeforalongtime—lookingmerightinmyeyes.
Ithasn’tbeenthesamesince.Idon’tknowwhatitcouldpossibly—”Shestoppedandhereyes
widened.

“Youthinkyouknowwhatitcouldbe?”Itookabiteofmycookie.“Ohgod,thesearereally

amazing.Youshouldsellthesesomeday.CanItakehalfofthemhome?”

Shedidn’tanswerme.Shestoodtheresilently,staringoffintothedistancelikeshewasinan

awfultrance.

“Amanda?”Iwavedmyhandintheair.“Hello?Amanda?Youthere?”
Sheshookherheadandsmilednervously.“Yeah,sorry...Wouldyouexcusemeforoneminute?I

needtocallsomeone...Ifthosebrowniesgooff,wouldyoupleasetakethemoutforme?”Sheslida
pairofovenmittstowardsmeandrushedoutoftheroombeforegivingmethechancetorespond.

Whenshereturned—tenminuteslater,itwasasifthatoddlittleepisodehadneverhappened.And

fortherestoftheafternoonsheandIlaughedoverourfavoritepastime—baking.

“Promisemethatwe’lldothisfortherestofourlives,Amanda.”IsmiledatherasIplacedmy

favoritecookiesintoZiplocbags.“AshleyandCarolinearegoingtobedisastersinthekitchen,so
I’llneedyoutodothiswithmewhenlifestressesmeout.”

“Ofcourse,”shesaid.“I’llalwaysbeherewhenyouneedme.Nomatterwhathappensbetween

us...”

“Whatcouldpossiblyhappenbetweenustomakeusnotbefriends,Amanda?”
Shesmiledandpickedupacookie.“Nothing...”
“Damnright...NexttoRyan,you’remyeverything,anddon’tyoueverforgetit.”

TearsfelldownmyfaceasItossedquartersintothetollbooth,asIflippedthroughmorememories
andrealizedthattherewere“signs,”butthetwoofthemhadworkedsohardtocoverthem,andthey’d
purposelyleftmeinthedark.

Maybefromtheoutsidelookinginthecrackshadbeeneasytosee,butfromwhereI’dbeen

standingeverythinghadlookedcomplete.

Ispedontothenexthighwayandturnedmymusicup,tryingtodrownoutthecriesIwasfinally

lettingfree,promisingmyheartthatIwouldneverallowmyselftobesotrustingandvulnerable.

I’llneverallowanothermantogetthatclosetomeagain...Ever.

Chapter2

Jonathan

“Idon’twantRyanHayeswithintenmilesofmyfiancée.Areweclear?”
“Yessir.”“Ofcourse,Mr.Statham.”“Asyouwishsir.”Mytopsecuritypersonnelnoddedtheir

headsinagreement.

“Ineedtoknowwhyhe’sherebytheendoftheweek,andifhe’sstillhereatthatpoint,weneedto

figureoutawaytogethimthefuckoutofhereandbacktoPittsburgh.Deadoralive.”

“Mr.Statham...”Gregnarrowedhiseyesatme.
Irolledmyeyes.“Barelyaliveoralive...You’redismissedgentlemen.”Iwaitedforthemtoleave

beforefallingbackintomychair.

I’dbeentooangrytosleepthenightbefore,andIcouldtellbythewayClairelookedwhenshe

wokeupthismorningthatshehadn’tsleptwelleither.

Ontheonehand,Iwashappyshe’dtoldmeaboutRyanmakinganunwantedvisitatherstore,but

ontheother,Iwasangrywithmyself.IfIhadgottenthereafewminutessooner,Icould’vepersonally
madesurehewouldneverbotherheragain.

Clairewasmine.Period.Ididn’tneedhimtryingtowinhiswaybackintoherlife,orwhateverthe

fuckhewastryingtodonowthatshewashappy.I’dworkedtoodamnhardtorepairallthedamage
he’ddone,toodamnhardtoearnhertrustandshowherthatshecouldbelovedagain,andIwasn’t
goingtolethimfuckthatup.

Ineedadrink...
“Mr.Statham?”Angelawalkedintomyofficewithoutknocking.
“Whathappenedtousingtheintercom?”
“Ihavespecialprivileges.Plus,I’mcoveringforHayleytodaysoprotocolisgoingtobealittle

loopy.”

“Whyareyoucoveringforher?”
“Shehasabreakfastdate.”Sheshrugged.“It’snobiggie.She’llbebackintwohours.Anyway,

yourdailyflowerdeliverytoMissGracenhasjustbeenconfirmed,yourmeetingwithFlynntechis
setfornoon,theweddingplanner ’smeetingwithyouandMissGracenissetforthree,andyouhave
anotherappointmentwithyourmotherandthetherapistatfourthirty.”

Ihadn’theardanythingshe’dsaidpastthewords“breakfastdate.”Hayleyhadn’tmentioned

anyonenewtomeinmonths.Thathadtobeamistake.

Ishookmyheadandforcedmyselftobelievethatmylittlesisterhadsimplysaidtheword“date”

insteadof“meeting.”Thenagain,I’dheardherandClairegigglingaboutsomethingoverdinnera
fewdaysago,somethingneitherofthemseemedinterestedintellingme.

“AndtheCityFosterCenterhasinvitedyoutoreceivetheannualHumanitarianAward.“Angela

slidanenvelopeacrossmydesk.“Theysaythey’llplantheceremonyaroundyourschedule.Iknow
youhavethemonthinmind,buthaveyousetanactualweddingdateyet?”

“Notyet...”Ileanedbackinmychair.“Sendmeatextlatertonight.Ithinkwe’llhaveoneinmind

bytheendoftheday.”

“Ofcoursesir.DoyouneedanythingelsefrommebeforeIrundowntoexecutiveaffairs?”
“No,Angela.Thankyou.”

Assoonassheleftmyoffice,IpickedupmyphoneandcalledCorey.
“Yes?”heanswered.“Whoarewestalkingonthislovelyday?”
“Areyouatcorporate?”
“Notyet.I’mstillatbreakfast.What’sup?”
“Ineedyoutobuildafileformeassoonasyougetin.”
“Ihavemytabletonme.Icandoitforyourightnow.”Hepaused.“What’sthenameanddateof

birth?”

“RyanHayes.Idon’thaveadateofbirth.He’sClaire’sex-husband.”
“Goodenough.Holdon....”Hehummedafewtimesandmumbledafewwordstohimself—his

normalhackingritual.“Alright,done.Isentyoueverythingfromthethreelargestdatabases.WhenI
getback,Icanrunhisnamethroughsixteenmore.”

“Thankyou.Don’tforget.”
Iopenedmyemailandsiftedthroughallthedocumentsandsecurityfootagehe’dsent.Icouldn’t

findanythinglinkinghimtoSanFranciscoexceptClaire.Hell,AshleyandCarolinewereinArizona
andIknewhewaswellawareofthat.

Iwasabouttosetitasidefortheday,butIsawanemailaboutahighschoolclassreunionatthe

RegencyBallroomthatwastwoweeksfromnow,somethingClairehadn’tmentionedtome:

DearSchenleyHighSchoolClassof1991,

ItismypleasuretoinviteyoualltoouryearlyreunioninCalifornia!Asusual,I’llbecoveringthe

travelexpensesforeachofyou.(ItpaystobeCFOofDisneydoesn’tit?AndYESI’mrubbingthatin

yourfaces.Again.)SincewedidAnaheimlastyearandL.A.formostoftheyearsbefore,Ifigured

we’ddoSanFranciscoforachange!

Now,asusual,ifyouchoosetobeaplanningassistant,I’llflyyououtacoupleweeksbeforethe

reuniontohelpmewithcertainaspectsofcoordination,butyoumusthelpforatleastfivehoursaday.

(YouknowhowHUGEthiseventistoallofusandwehavetomakesureeachyearisbetterthanthe

last.)Ifyouareanassistant,you’llhelpfinalizethefinalitineraryandberesponsibleforsettingup

thegiftbagsforourclassof500awesomepeople.

Ifyou’rebusyandhavealife(Yes,JamesKlein,weallknowyou’reahugegolfstarnowandyour

scheduleishectic),justsendmeyourtravel/lodgingpreferences(uptotwoticketsperperson)andthe

assistantswillmailyouyourofficialticketsaweekbeforethereunion.

Lookingforwardtoseeingyouinafewmonths!

HarrisonWoods

IclickedthroughtheattendeesthathadsignedupandnoticedthatnexttoClaire’snamewasa“no

response”checkmark.

IcalledCoreyagain.“Corey,Ineedsomethingelse...Ineedyoutointerceptanyemailsregarding

aSchenleyHighSchoolclassreunionfromaHarrisonWoods.He’stheCFOofDisney.”

“Disney?Areyouserious?”
“Canyoudoit?”
Hesighed.“Theirfirewallmightbeabitchallengingtogetthrough...Givemeafewseconds...”
“Ifyoucanbypassanyemailsaboutinsignificantpartydetailsthat’dbegreat.Ijustwantthe

finalizedRSVPlist.”

“Gotyousomethingevenbetter...Doyouseeit?”
Ilookedatmyscreenandsawaspreadsheetdetailingeachmemberofherhighschoolclassand

everyCaliforniareunionthey’dattendedthroughouttheyears.

Clairehadn’tattendedany.Ever.
“WereallofthesereunionsinCalifornia,Corey?”

“Itlooksthatway,whichiscrazybecausethehighschoolisinPittsburgh.Lookslikeitallstarted

withtheirtenyearreunionandthenitbecameanannualone.ThatHarrisonguyliterallypaysfor
eachandeveryoneofthesethings.Itmustbeaprettygoodtaxwriteoff.”

“Hmmm...Okay,thanks.”IhungupandcalledAshley.
“Hey,Jonathan.”Shepickeduponthefirstring.
“Hello.Areyoubusyrightnow?”
“Notatall.Iactuallyjustopenedthecarepackageyousentme.Areyoucallingbecauseyou

meanttosendfivehundreddollarsandnotthreehundred?Don’tworry.Iknewthatwasamistake.
Youcanwiremetherest.”

Irolledmyeyes.“That’smorethanenoughtogetyouthroughtheweek.I’mcallingtoaskyou

something:When’sthelasttimeyoutalkedtoyourdad?”

“Um,twodaysago.Why?”
“Justwondering...HashementionedmovingoutofPittsburgh?”
“No.HedidmentiontakingmeandCarolinetoahockeygamethiswintersincehisfirmgavehim

freeseasontickets—whichisoddbecausewebothhatehockey.”

“So,hestilllivesinPittsburgh?”
“Tomyknowledge,yeah.I’msurehewould’vetoldmeandCarolineifhewasplanningon

moving.Hetellsuseverything.”

“Right.Well,thankyouforlettingmeknow.”
“Youwereseriousaboutonlygivingmethreehundreddollars?Don’tyouthinkthat’sanodd

amounttogivesomeoneeveryweek?Thefirstfewtimeswereokay,butit’sgettingoutofhandnow.”

“Goodbye,Ashley.”Ihungup.
IwasabouttocallClaire,butIheardmydoorknobtwistingand—thereshewas.
Shewasdressedinashortwhitedressandhighheeledgreypumps,withaoneofakindtriple

pearlstrandnecklaceI’dboughtforherlastweekend.

“Areyoufamiliarwiththephrase‘knockfirst’?”Iraisedmyeyebrow.
“AmIinterruptingaprivatesession?Isthereawomansuckingyouoffunderyourdesk?”
“Nottoday.”Istoodupandwalkedovertoher.“Sheonlydoesthatwhenshe’sreallyhappywith

me.”

“Sheisreallyhappywithyou.”Shewrappedherarmsaroundmyneckandkissedme.“Iknow

ourmeetingisn’tscheduleduntillater,butcanwecancelit?Iwantadifferentweddingplanner.”

“Youcameherejusttotellmethat?”
“IcameherebecauseI’monmylunchbreak.Speakingofwhich,ifyou’regoingtocontinue

sendingmystaffacateredluncheveryday,theyprefersweetteaandlemonadeoverCoke.”

Ismiledandkissedherneck.“I’llhaveitchangedbytomorrow.Howmanyminutesdoyouhave

leftonyourbreak?”

“Ten.”Sherolledhereyesandsteppedback.“Isthatanotochangingweddingplanners?”
“It’samaybebecausethisisyourthirdweddingplanner...Areyoutryingtostallmarryingme?”
“What?Ofcoursenot...Ijustwantourweddingtobeperfect.Andactually,I’vebeenreadinga

fewin-deptharticlesabouthugeweddingsandmostofthemagreethattheidealplanningperiodissix
monthstoayear.”

“What’syourpoint?”
“MypointisthatIthinkyoushouldre-considerthetimelimityougavemebecausethat’snot

enoughtoevenscrapethesurfaceofeverythingIwanttodo...Sinceyouclaimyouwantnothingmore
thantomakemehappy,Ithinkyoushouldbeabitmoregenerouswhenitcomestothis—especially
sincethisdayissoimportant.”

“Claire...”Ilookeddirectlyintohereyes.“I’mgoingtosaythisonelasttimeandI’mnevergoing

tosayitagain.Youhavethreemonthstoplanthiswedding.Three.Months.Period.Idowantnothing
morethantomakeyouhappy,andbythewayyouscreammynameeverynight,I’mprettysureI’m
doingadamngoodjob.Thatsaid,I’mnotwaitinganylongerthanninetydays.Andtrustme,I’m
beingmorethangenerous.”

“Jonathan—”
“Ifithadbeenuptome,Iwould’vemarriedyouthedayafterIproposed.Butsinceyouinsiston

havingawedding,youneedtofigureoutawaytoplanitwithinthattimeframe.Ifyouhaveaproblem
withtwelveweeksandanunlimitedbudget,orifyoueventrytopushthisweddingbackbyone
fuckingsecond,we’regettingmarriedinacourthouseandyou’llbeplanninganafterparty.”

ShenarrowedhereyesatmeandIpulledherbackintomyarms.“Whydidn’tyoutellmeabout

yourhighschoolreunionbeinginCalifornia?Don’tyouthinkthat’swhyRyanwouldbeintown?”

“IguessIwasn’tthinkingaboutthat...”Sheshookherhead.“ThereunionisalwaysinCalifornia

andhe’sneverbotheredmebeforeso...”

“Youdon’twanttogo?”
“No.Inevergo.”
“Whynot?”
“Idon’twanttoseehimorher...Ican’thandlebeinginthesameroomwitheitherofthem—ever.”

Shegavemeonelastkissanduntangledherselffrommyembrace.“IhavetogetbacktoworksoI’ll
seeyouathome.Andbeforeyouask—Yes,I’mredesigningthelivingroomagainthisweek.I’llsee
youatdinner.”

“Atsix?”
“Atsix.”Shesmiledassheleftmyoffice,andIknewdamnwellshewasn’tgoingtobehomeby

six.Sheneverwas.

Aftersheleftmyoffice,IwentbacktoexaminingRyan’sfiles.EventhoughhewasinSan

Franciscotwoweeksbeforethereunion,hewasn’toneofthe“planningassistants”andhestillhadn’t
respondedtotheactualinvitation—whichmeanthedefinitelywasn’thereforthat.

Hewashereforsomethingelse...

“Okay.Jonathan,Denise,we’reintheclosingminutesofthissession.”MissTatelookedoveratmy
mother.“Inallhonesty,howdoyouthinktodaywent?”

Ithinkwe’rereallymakingprogress,”shesaidasshetiedascarfaroundherneck.“Ifeellike

we’regettingsomewhere.”

“Weare.”Isighed.“Ifyoukeepbehaving,Imightinviteyoutothewedding.”
“Excuseme?Whatwedding?”
“Mywedding.”
“You’reengaged?”Hereyeswidened.“ToClaire?”
“Isthataproblem?”
MissTatetappedhernotebook.“Wecandiscussthatnexttime.Nonewconversationtopicswithin

thelasttenminutes,remember?”

“Letmegetthisstraight.”Mymotherignoredher.“You’reabouttogetmarriedandyoudidn’t

thinktotellme?”

“Ididn’tthinkyouwouldcare.”
“It’sbeenovereightmonths,Jonathan.”Shesighed.“I’veapologizedtoyou,I’vesentClairegod-

knowshow-manylettersinthemail,andIwouldreallyliketohaveafunctioningrelationshipwithat
leastoneofmychildren.Ishouldn’thavetobegforthat.”ShelookedoveratMissTate.“ShouldI?”

Therewassilence.Ididn’tfeellikegoingintoadeepconversationwithhertoday.Iwasfinewith

themolasses-speedprogressweweremakingandIhadnodesiretofullyintegrateherbackintomy
life.

IstoodupandshookMissTate’shand.“Asalways,thankyouformediatingthesesessions,Miss

Tate.Mother,Gregisdownstairswaitingtotakeyouhome.”

“Istwiceaweektoomuchtoask?”Mymotherlookedhurt.“Canweatleasttryit?”
“I’llaskClaireaboutitandgetbacktoyounextweek.”
“Claire?YouhavetoaskClaire?”Shenarrowedhereyesatme.“Iknowmyopiniondoesn’t

mattermuch.”

“Itdoesn’tmatteratall.”
“Letmefinish,Jonathan.Icanatleast—”
“No,youcan’t.Youdon’tneedtosayanythingaboutwhatI’mdoingwithmylifeoranythingthat

relatestoClairebecauseit’snoneofyourbusiness.Whatyoucandoisbehappyforme,stayonyour
bestbehavior,andshowuptotheweddingifIdecidetoinviteyou.”Ikeptmyeyeslockedonhers.“If
youpullwhatyoupulledlastyear—ifyouevenattempttosayanythingtoherwithoutmypermission,
I’llneverspeaktoyouagain.”

“Jonathan,Denise...”MissTatestoodup.“Ithinkit’sbestifweendthemeetingwithoutsaying

anotherwordtoeachother.You’rebothdoingsowell.Youdon’twanttoloseallthegroundwe’ve
madesofardoyou?”

“You’restillholdingthatbullshitfromlastyearagainstme?”Mymotherscoffed.“Seriously?

That’swhatthisisabout?You’reoverourpast,butyoujustwanttothrowintheClairedramatokeep
meoutofyourlife?”

“Mykeepingyouatadistancedoesn’thaveshittodowithClaire.Itneverhas.”
“Thenwhyareyoustilltreatingmelikethis?”Shestoodup,hissing.“Whyareyouactinglikea

goddamnchild?IsaidIwassorry.Andjustincaseyoudidn’tcatchwhatIsaidearlier,I’ve
apologizedeverydamndayandI’veevenapologizedtoyourgirlfriend—excuseme,yourfiancée,
tellingherhowmuchIwishIcouldtakeitallback.Whatmoredoyouwant?”

IfeltlikeIwasgoingtovomit.Shewasliterallymakingmesick.“Itreatyoulikethisbecauseit’s

neverbeenaboutme.”Istoodupandnarrowedmyeyesather.“Icould’vehandledmyself.Idid
handlemyself.It’salwaysbeenaboutHayleyandhowyouleftherinmycare—achild’scare.Why
can’tyouseethat?”

“Hayleyhasnothingtodowithwhathappenedbetweenmeandyou,Jonathan.It’sherfaultifshe

doesn’twanttoreconcilewithmebecauseyouknowdamnwellI’vetried.You’rejustcomingupwith
anotherhoopIhavetojumpthrough,andyouknowwhat?”

“Gotohell.”
HerfacepaledassoonasIsaidthosewords,andforhalfasecondIregrettedsayingthem,butnot

enoughtostay.

“Mother,MissTate,I’llseeyoutwonextweek.Ican’tdealwiththisrightnow.”Istormedoutof

myofficeandheadedtowardsAngela’sdesk.

“Mr.Statham?Iseverythingalright?”Shelookedup.
“No...CanyoucallmyfiancéeandtellherI’monmywaytopickherupfordinnerplease?Tell

herit’snon-negotiable.”

“Yessir.”
Ihitthedownbuttonontheelevatorandsteppedinsideassoonasthedoorsopened.Iwasn’tsure

whyIstillputupwithmymother—whyIeventried,becauseshehonestlydidn’tdeserveanything
frommeafterwhatshedidlastyear.

Maybedeepdownitwaspity—shame,butIpromisedmyselfIwouldneverforgiveheruntilshe

completelyacknowledgedandunderstoodhowshe’dalmostwreckedmylittlesisterforlife,how
she’dsinglehandedlydamagedher,leavingmetorepairwhatlittleIcould.

Chapter2.5

Jonathan

Summer1995

IsighedasItwistedthedoorhandletoourtrailer,slowlysteppinginside.
“Wherethefuckhaveyoubeen?”Mymomsatupandtookalongdragofhercigar.“It’sthreein

theafternoonandyou’vebeengoneallday.”

“Iwasatschool.”
“Oh,right.Well,couldyougobackthereandshutyoursisterup?She’sbeenscreamingallday

andIcan’tgetanysleep.Allsheeverfuckingdoesiscry.”

Ilookeddownthehallwayandnoticedthatonceagain,thedoortomeandHayley’sroomwas

lockedsoshecouldn’tgetout.

“Canyousignthis?”Ipulledapaperoutofmybackpackandhandedittoher.“Pre-Kstartsnext

week.YouhavetobringthatformnextMondaysoshecango.”

“Ugh,god,Jonathan!Onethingatadamntime!CanyoudowhatIaskedyoutodofirst?Canyou

shutthatgirlupplease?”Shethrewthepaperontothefloorandcurledintoaball.“Howcanyou
expectmetosignpaperworkwhenshe’sbacktherescreamingherlungsout?Getthehelloutofmy
face.”

IrealizedthatIwasgoingtohavetopulloutoneofheroldcheckbooksagainandforgeher

signature.IwasalsogoingtohavetocomeupwithonehellofanexcusebecauseIknewshewouldn’t
showupforHayley’sfirstdayofschool.

SheneverdidanythingforHayley.
BeforeIcouldmakeitdownthehall,abeercanhitmesquareintheback.Iturnedaroundandsaw

myfathertakingaseatonthecouchnexttomymom.

“There’smoreofthatinthefridgeboy,”hesaid.“Ifyoucan’tgethertoshutup,justgiveher

someofthatandshe’llbeoutintwentyminutes.Itworkedlikeacharmyesterday.”

Istaredatthetwoofthemforhalfasecond,wishingthatIwouldwakeupfromthisnightmare

anysecond,thattheywouldgobacktobeingwhotheyusedtobe;butIknewitwouldn’thappen.
They’dbeenthiswayforthepastcoupleyearsandtherewasnogoingback.

Untwistingthedoorknobtomybedroom,IslippedinsideandsawHayleyhuggingapillowtoher

chest,rockingbackandforth.Shehadn’tnoticedthatI’dsteppedinandshewasstillcrying,
screaming.“Letmeoutplease,Mommy!Letmeoutplease!”

Atfouryearsold,shewasalotsmallerthanotherkidsherage,andeventhoughshewasthe

spittingimageofmymother,shewastheonlypersoninmyfamilywhohadblondhair.Shehadn’t
alwayscriedsomuch,butthatwasbackwhensheactuallygotattentionfrommyparents.Assoonas
sheturnedthree,theirinterestswentelsewhereandshecriedfortheirattentionallthetime.

“Stopcrying,Hayley.”Iwalkedoverandscoopedherintomyarms.“It’sokay,it’sokay.”
“Johnnie?”Shelookedupatmeintears.“Youleftme...”
“I’msorry.”Ipattedherontheback.“Ihadtogotoschool,butI’mherenow.”
“Butyougotoschooleveryday...Why?”
Isighedandheldherclose,consolingheruntilshestoppedsobbing.Ilookedbehindmeand

noticedthatshehadn’twetthebedtoday—agoodthingbecauseIhadn’tstolenanyquartersthisweek

andIdidn’tfeellikewalkingtotheLaundromatintherain.

WhenIwassureshewasokay,IrummagedthroughmybackpackandpulledoutwhatI’dsaved

frommyschoollunch:Twoapples,smashedmacaroniandcheese,mashedpotatoes,andaturkey
sandwich—practicallyagourmetmealforus.

“Igotyousomethingspecialtoday.”IhandedherthelastZiplocbag—somethingI’dstolenfrom

mymathteacher,andshesquealedandemptieditontothebed.

“Strawberries!”Shegrabbedahandfulandstuffedthemintohermouth.
“Slowdown.Oneatatimebeforeyouchoke.”Iwaiteduntilshewithdrewthreeofthemfromher

jaw.“DidyouwatchanythinggoodonTVtoday?”

“SesameStreet...ButI’seenitbefore.Iknewallthesongs!CookieMonsterplayedthedrums!”
“Thatsoundsgreat.Whichsongwasyourfav—”
“Thankfuckyougothertoshutup!”Myfatherbargedintotheroom.“Thatgirlisn’tgoingto

haveavoicebythetimeshe’stenifshekeepscryinglikethat.Haveyouseenmycarkeys?”

“They’reontheTVoutthere.”
“Right.Well,meandyourmomaregoingouttogetsomepizza.”
“Pizza?”Hayley’seyeslitupandsheclapped.“Pizza!”
Henoddedandbentdowntopinchhercheek.“Whattypeofpizzadoyouwant,Hales?”
“Pepperoni!Andcheese!”
“Okay.That’sexactlywhatwe’llget.Jonathan,whattypedoyouwant?”
Ididn’tanswer.Ijustshookmyhead.
“Okay,wellIhopeyoulikepepperoniandcheesebecausethat’swhatHayleywantsandthat’swhat

we’regetting.”

“Ooohhh!”Hayleywasstillclapping.“Ican’twait!Ican’twait!CanIcomewithyouandmommy,

daddy?CanIhelppickupthepizza?Please?”

Histhinsmilefadedandhepattedherhead.“Nexttime,babe.Okay?”
“Okay...”Sheseemedsaddened,butthenshelookedupatmeandwhispered,“We’regetting

pizza!”

MydadlefttheroomandHayleyfollowedhimintothelivingroom.Shestretchedherarmsupin

theair—waitingforourmothertogiveherahug,butshesimplylookeddownatherandsaid,“We’ll
beback,Hayley.”

Andwiththat,theyleftandslammedthedoortoourtrailerontheirwayout.
Sighing,IwentbackintoourroomandpickeduptheZiplocbags,placingthemintothe

refrigerator.Iknewtheywouldcomeinhandylatertonight.

“Ilovepizza,Johnnie.Don’tyou?”Hayleysatonthecouchandlookedoutthewindow.“It’smy

favorite!”

Ishookmyheadandpulledoutmyhomework,lookingupeveryfifteenminutesorso—watching

Hayleystareoutthewindowinanticipationofapizzathatwasnevercoming.

Afterthreehoursofwaiting,sheeventuallyfellasleep.Iwantedtocarryherbackintoourroom

andtuckherintobed,butIdidn’twanthertowakeuphungry.

“Hayley?”Ishookhershoulder.“Hayley,wakeup.”
“Didthepizzacome?”shemurmured.
“No...Itdidn’t.Youneedtoeatsomethingbeforebed.”Ihandedheraplateofmicrowavedmashed

potatoesandmacaroni.“Here.”

Shescrunchedherfaceandshookherhead.“Idon’twantit.”
“Now,Hayley.Eat.”
Frowning,shepickeduptheforkandtooksmall,slowbites.Whenshefinished,shewalkedover

towhereIwassittingandgrabbedthebrightpinksheetI’dgiventomymotherhoursago.

“E-e-e-meh-meh-oh-oh-reh-yuh.P—re-s-c-ool.EmehreeyuhPuhreyscool?”Shelookedupatme.
“Emorypreschool.”
“E-mor-ypre-school.”Sherepeatedandhereyeslitup.“I’mgoingtopre-school,Johnnie?!I’ll

readreallyreallygoodifIgettogo!”

“We’llsee...”
“Thatmeansyes!”Shejumpedupandhuggedme.“Oh,Ican’twait!Ican’twait!”
Iforcedasmileanddecidedtochangethesubject.Ididn’twanttogetherhopesup.
“Let’swatchamovie,Hayley.”Ireachedforherhand.“Whichonedoyouwanttowatch?”
“Cinderella!”
“Okay.”Iwalkedherbackintoourroomandtuckedherunderneaththecovers.ThenIhookedup

theVHSplayerandputinthemovie,waitingforhertofallasleep.

Shesangalongtoeverysong,encouragingmetosingalongaswell,andsinceIknewallthe

wordsfromthemillionsoftimeswe’dwatcheditbefore,Itriednottosoundtooterrible.

AstheevilstepmotherlockedCinderellaawayintheattic,sherolledovertofaceme.“Igota

question,Johnnie...”

“Whatisit?”
“Areyoumygwardan?”
“Yourwhat?”
“Mygwardan...Elmosayseverybodyhasamommy,adaddy,oragwardan.”
“Yourguardian?”
ShenoddedandIsighed.“No.I’mnotyourguardian.I’mjustyourbigbrother.”
“Butyoudoeverythingaguar-di-andoes...Youtuckmeintobedatnight...Youteachmehowto

read...Yougetmefood...”

“Gotosleep,Hayley.”
“AndwhenIcryyoucomeandhugmesoIcanstop...”Sherolledbackover.“That’swhat

guardiansdo,Johnnie.IsawitontheTV...”

Aweeklater...

ItwasHayley’sfirstdayofpre-Kandmymotherhadshockinglyrememberedtotakeher.Asthe
threeofuswalkedtoEmory,Hayleygiggledandclappedaboutgoingto“Realschool!LikeonTV!”

“Canyoustopfuckingshouting?”Mymotherrolledhereyes.“It’stooearlyinthemorningfor

thatshit.”

“I’msorry,Mommy...”Shelookedupatme—hurt,soIpattedherheadandmadeafunnyfaceto

gethertosmileagain.

Thethreeofuswalkedintotheschoolbuildingandwaitedasmymomfilledoutmorepaperwork

andhandedoverherID.Whenshewasfinished,oneoftheteachersledusintoacolorfulclassroom.

Hayleysquealedandimmediatelyletourhandsgo—walkingaroundtheroominawe.
“Wow.”Theteachersmiled.“Ithinkthat’sthemostexcitedI’veeverseenachildaboutherfirst

dayofschool.MynameisMissColeandI’llbeHayley’sgeneraleducationteacherfortheyear,Mrs.
Statham.Sinceyou’rehereearly,wherewouldyouliketosittoday?”

“Sit?”
“Yes.Weaskthatatleastoneparentsitwiththechildontheirfirstdayofpre-K,sotheycanmake

thetransitionaseasilyaspossible.Don’tworry,duringnaptimetheprincipalordersfoodforallthe
parentssoyoucangetalittlebreak.”

“I...”Mymothershookherhead.“Ican’tstayhereallday...Ihave...Ihavealongshiftaheadofme

atthehospital...Lotsoflivesareatstake.She’llbejustfine.”

MissColelookedconfused.“Canyoustayforthefirstcouplehoursatleast?Weusuallyletthe

kidsintroducethemselvesandtheirparentsoverorangejuiceandmuffins.”

“No,Ican’t.Sorry.”Sheshrugged.“Canmysontakemyplace?”
“Um...Doesn’thehavetogotoschooltodaytoo?”
“Doyouhaveschooltoday,Jonathan?”Shelookeddownatmeandthenshelaughed.“Ofcourse

hehasschool,butit’sonlytwoblocksdown.SinceyouguysareEmoryIandhe’satEmoryIIcan’t
youcalloverandworksomethingout?IwouldstayifIcould—Ireallywould,becauseIdon’twant
hertobealoneonherfirstday...IfIhadknownaboutthisIpromiseIwould’vetakenoff...Ijust...Ijust
can’t—notatthelastminute.”

MissCole’seyessoftenedandshelookedlikesheactuallybelievedmymom’slies.“I’llseewhat

wecando,Mrs.Statham.Thankyouforallthehardworkyoudoatthehospital.”

MymotherreachedouttoshakeherhandandthenshewalkedovertoHayley,whispering

somethinginherearthatmadeherbrightfacedimandhereyeswater.

“Mr.BigBrother?”MissColehandedmetwopaperplates.“Pickwhateverseatyouwantforyou

andyourlittlesisterandthentakeoutthecrayonsthatareinthedesk.Beforeweintroduceourselves,
we’regoingtodrawapictureofourfavoritethings.I’llsorteverythingoutwithEmoryIIwhenIget
back.Ihavetogetmorestudents.”

MymotherpattedHayley’sheadonemoretimeandthrewtwothumbsupatusassheleftthe

classroom,saying,“Iloveyou,JonathanandHayley!”inthefakestvoiceI’deverheard.

ItriedtokeepHayleydistractedbysuggestingthingsforhertodrawonherplate,butIcouldn’t

helpbutnoticethetearsfallingdownherfaceastheotherkidstookseatswiththeirparents,asthey
werekissedandhuggedrepeatedly.

“Makesureyoudrawapictureofyourparentsoryourguardiansonthepaperplatetoo!”Miss

Colesmiledfromthefrontofroom.

Hayley’sbottomlipquiveredandshetookseveralshortbreaths,asignthatanotheroneofher

longcryingepisodeswasabouttobegin.Beforeshecouldgetitout,Itiltedherfacetowardsmeand
whispered.“Canyoukeepasecret,Hayley?”

Shenodded,stilltakingshorterraticbreaths.
“Whatdoesasecretmean?”
“I...Ican’t...tellnoone...”
“Exactly...”Iheldherchinupandwipedhertearsawaywithmysleeves.“Sothesecretis...Iam

yourguardian.”

“Iknewit!”Shecoveredhermouthandthenuncoveredit,whispering,“Iknewit,Johnnie!Iwon’t

tellnoone!Ever!Ipinkypromise!”

Sheheldoutherpinkyformetosealthedealandthensheleanedoverandgavemeahug.She

startedtocolorherplateagainandthenshelookedupatme.“Canyoukeepasecret?”

“Ofcourse.”
“Idon’tthinkmommyanddaddyloveme...”Sheblinked.
“That’snottrue,Hayley.Theydoloveyou.”
“Notheydon't.They’renotlikethemommiesanddaddiesonTV...Theydon’tcare...Butyoudo,

Johnnie...You’rethebestguardianintheworld.”

Chapter3

Claire

IsatstillinmychairatSweetDolce—themosthighlyregardedcateringbusinessinSan

Francisco.Iwastryingmybestnottojumpoverthetableandpunchthecateringdirectorintheeye,
tryingnottoscreamatherforbeingcompletelyunprofessional.

HernamewasMissHansenandforthepasthourandahalf,she’dbeenflirtingwithJonathanasif

Iwasn’tsittingrightnexttohim.She’dshownusovertwentyexamplesofherfruitdisplaysandshe’d
onlyaskedforJonathan’sopinion—battingherbigbrowneyeseachtimesheuttered,“Howdoyou
likeit,Mr.Statham?”

What’sworsewasthatthemembersofherstaff—allfemale,werestandingintheroom.They

wereeyefuckinghiseverymoveandfrowningatmewheneverIsaidasingleword.

“Andlastly,thisisanexampleofourchocolatecoveredstrawberrytier.”MissHansensmiledas

herassistantssetamedium-sizedchocolatefountaininfrontofus.“Thestrawberriesarecemented
aroundtheedgeswithaclearsugarglue,andyourguestswillbeabletoretrievethechocolate
strawberriesthatarecurrentlyfloatingonthesecondlevel.”

“Withsticks?”Jonathanasked.
“Yes,Mr.Statham.”Shenoddedandblushed.“Wecanevenengraveyourlastnameontothesticks

foranextratouchofpersonality.”

Irolledmyeyesasshepulledoutaglassboxofwoodensticks,asshehandedittohimandasked

ifhelikedthemenoughtogivethematry.

“Doyouhaveanyquestionsaboutanything,MissGracen?”Shelookedatmeforthefirsttimeall

day.“Isthereanythingelseyouwouldlikemetoshowyou?”

“No.”IplacedmylefthandoverJonathan’s,purposelyshowingoffmymassiveengagementring.

“Ithinkyou’vecoveredeverything.CanmyfiancéeandIhaveafewminutesaloneplease?”

“Ofcourse.”Shesneeredassheglancedatmyring,andorderedherstafftofollowheroutofthe

room.

Assoonastheyweregone,Ipickedupmyforkandstabbedastrawberrybeforedippingitinto

thefountain.BeforeIcouldbringittomylips,Jonathangentlygrabbedmyhandandpushedthefruit
intohismouth.

“It’sverygood.”Hesmiledandpreparedoneformetotry.“Whatdoyouthink?”
“It’sokay.Itcouldbebetter.”
“Areyousayingthatbecauseshewasflirtingwithmeordoyouhonestlythinkitcouldbebetter?”
“Soyoudidnoticehowmuchextraattentionshewasgivingyou?”
Hesmiled.
“It’snotfunny,Jonathan.”
“I’mnotlaughing,Claire.”Hemockedme.
“Inthatcaseyoushould’vesaidsomething...”
“Somethinglikewhat?”
“Nothing.”Irolledmyeyes.“Ididlikehertakeonwhitetrufflesbyfillingthemwithbuttercream,

andIappreciatedthecaramelizedalmonddip.Thatwasdifferent.”

“Somethinglikewhat?”Hecuppedmyfaceinhishands.“Areyoujealous?”

“No...”
Hetrailedhisfingersacrossmylips.“Areyousure?Youhavenoreasontobe...”
“I’mnotjealous.I’mjust...Itwouldbereallyniceifwewentsomewhereandeverywomanwasn’t

gapingatyouorflirtingwithyoulikeI’mnoteventhere—likeI’minvisible.”

IrememberedourlastdinnerdateatarestaurantonFisherman’sWharf,howthewaitress

immediatelyblushedbrightredandgiggled—fuckinggiggled,uponseeingJonathan.

Iwasprettysurethatifhehadn’torderedmyfoodforme,shewould’veneveraskedmewhatI

wanted,becauseoutsideofsaying“Morewater,Miss?”or“MayItakeyourplate?”shedirectedallof
herattentiontowardshim.

“Icouldsaythesameforyou.”Henarrowedhiseyesatme.“Othermenstareatyouallthetime,

especiallywhenyou’rewearingadress.”

“Well,atleastIdon’tflirtback.”Ipickeduponeoftheheartshapedcroissantsthatwasonthe

tableandhandedittohim.“Menwon’teventalktomewhenyou’rearoundandyouknowit...Howdo
youfeelaboutthesecroissants?Doyoulikehowshemadethem‘pieces’intheupsidedownchess
squarecake?Ordoyouthinkshecould’ve—”

Hepressedhislipsagainstmineandpulledmeintohislap,makingmeforgetwhateverIwas

abouttosay.

“Firstofall,”hesaidasheletmylipsgo.“Ineverflirtback.Isimplysmileandrespondbecause

that’sthenicethingtodo.Secondofall,theonlyreasonIdidn’tlookatyouduringthismeetingwas
becauseIknewthatifIdid,I’dbelayingyouacrossthistableinfrontofeveryone.Andthird,eight
monthsagoIcouldn’tgetyoutogooutinpublicwithmeandnowyou’reshowingmeaffectionall
thetime—which,IfuckingloveImustsay,butIthinkyouarejealous.Asamatteroffact,Ithink
you’rethejealoustype.”

“What?Iamnot...”
“Youare.”Hekissedmeagain.“ButIlikeit.”
Ishookmyhead,preparedtotellhimexactlywhyIwasn’tthejealoustype,butheliftedmeoutof

hislapandsetmeonthetable.BeforeIcouldaskwhathewasdoing,heslidthestrapsofmydress
downandunsnappedmybra,lettingitfallintomylap.

“DoyouwanttoknowhowIknowyou’rethejealoustype,Claire?”Hesmiledandgrabbedoneof

thewoodensticks,placingastrawberryonitandsmotheringitinchocolate.

“SeeingasthoughI’mnot,it’dbeprettyinterestingtohearyourthoughts...”
“Hmmm.”Hemovedthestrawberryovermybreasts,lettingthechocolatedripovermynipples.

Thenheslowlymovedittowardsmymouth.“Eatit...”

Itookafewsmallbitesandswallowed.“IcanseehowdrippingchocolateonmeprovesthatI’m

thejealoustype.”

“Youranontothatstagelastyearandkissedmeinfrontofeveryonebecauseyouwerejealous

thatStacywaspretendingtobemygirlfriend,becauseyoudidn’twantheranywherenearme.”

“No...Iranuptheretoprovetoyouthat—”Istoppedonceheleanedforwardandlickedoneofmy

nipples.

“Ithinkthatdeepdownthat’stherealreasonwhyyouranupthere—youdidn’twanthertohave

me.”Heslowlytookmyothernippleintohismouthandranhisfingersthroughmyhair.

“That’snottrue...”Imurmured.
Helookedintomyeyesandsmiled.Thenhedippedoneofhisfingersinchocolateandpushedit

intomymouth.

“Iwantedtofuckyourightonthatstagewhenyoudidthat...”HewaiteduntilI’dsuckedhisfinger

clean.“Butseeingasthoughyoudidn’tdoitoutofjealousy...”

Mybreathcaughtinmythroatashepushedmyshouldersdownsomybackwasagainstthetable.

“Thereareotherreasonsthatclearlyproveyou’rethejealoustype...”
Imoanedasheshiftedthebottomofmydressuptomystomach,asheleanedforwardand

pressedalong,hotkissbetweenmythighs.

“Therealreasonwhyyoualwaysgoasmydatetocompanyfunctionsisn’tbecauseyou’retrying

tobeagoodgirlfriend...”Hisvoicewaslow.“It’sbecauseyoudon’twantanotherwomantogetclose
tomewithoutknowingI’mtaken.Andyoumakesurethattheyknowbecauseyouneverletmyhand
go...AmIdrawingthewrongconclusions?”

Ididn’tsayanything.Ijustbitmylipasheflickedmyclitwithhistongueinbetweensentences—

renderingmecompletelyhelpless.

Hesatupandgrabbedanotherstrawberry,lettingthewarmliquiddripontomystomach.Hekept

hisgazelockedonmineashesmeareditacrossmynavel.

“YoumakeAngelatextyouanytimeIhaveaoneon-onemeetingwithafemaleclient...”He

swirledhistonguearoundmyskin,gentlylickingeverythingandholdingmythighsstill.“Andyou
alwayscallrightbeforethosemeetings...Orshowuptomyofficeassoonasthey’redone...”He
kissedhiswayuptomyneck.“YouthinkIhaven’tnoticed?”

“Jonathan...”
Heletoutalowlaughandblewakissagainstmyear.“Youstilldon’tthinkyou’rethejealous

type?”

Iwastryingnottogivein.Hewaskissingmylipsandsoftlycaressingmybreastswithhishands.
“AmIgoingtohavetofuckyouonthistabletomakeyoutellmethetruth?”
Ishookmyheadandheslowlypulledmylegsapart.
“Thentellmethetruth,Claire...Tellmeyouwerejealouswhenyouranuponthatstage...”
“Iwasalittlejealous...”
“Alittle?”Hegrinnedandtrailedhisfingersagainstmylowerlips.
Isuckedinabreathashemassagedmyswollenclitwithhisthumb,asheusedhisotherhandto

grabanotherchocolatestrawberry.“Alot...”

“HowlouddoyouthinkyouwouldscreamifIfuckedyourightnow?Doyouthinkthewomenon

theothersideofthatdoorwouldgetthepoint?”

Igaspedandsqueezedmylegsaroundhim.“Please...Wehave...”Ididn’twanttocumonthe

cateringtable.“Wehaveother...otherappointmentstogoto...”

Henarrowedhiseyesatme,butheslowlypulledmebackupandlickedonelastdropof

chocolateoffmybreasts.“We’llfinishthistonight.”

Hourslater,Gregpulledthetowncarintoasmallshoppingplazaandslowedasheapproachedthe
speedbumps.

“Okay,Claire...”Jonathanletoutanexasperatedsigh.“Thisisthelastappointmentoftheday.If

youdon’tlikethisplace,you’regoingtohavetopickoneoftheothereightbecauseI’mnotputting
upwithanotherdayofthisshit.”

“Seriously?Thisisourwedding.Don’tyouwantittobeperfect?”
“Idon’thavetohaveaweddingandyouknowthat.Ijustwanttomarryyou—thesoonerthe

better.”

Isighed.SinceI’dinsistedonhavingaseparatecatererforthemaindinner,we’dbeentesting

differentsweetscaterersallday.Whilemostofthemweregood,noneofthemleftmethatimpressed.
Eithertheexecutionwasslightlyoff,thepresentationwasn’teye-catchingenough,orthetasteofthe
foodleftmuchtobedesired.

“Okay,”Isaid.“I’lltrynottobesocritical.Thelastplacewasn’tthatbad,it’sjust...”

“Justwhat?”
“TherewasthisplacebackinPittsburgh—Stella’s.Iusedtousethemforourcompanyfunctions

andtheywerephenomenal.Itwasatinybusiness,butthewomanwhoowneditworkedmagicevery
singletime.Shealwayswentoutofherwaytomakesureeveryfruitandh’ordeuvresdisplaywas
designedtoperfection.Plus,shemadethebestcateredfoodI’veeverhadinmylife.IthinkI’mjust
comparingeverythingtothat...”

Hereachedoverandheldmyhand.“Ifwehavetolookanotherday,that’llbefine.Iwantthistobe

theweddingofyourdreams.”

“Doesthatmeanyou’llgivemeanextramonthtoplanit?”
“No.”Herolledhiseyes.“AndthenexttimeyouaskmethatI’llmakeyouregretit.”Hekissedmy

cheekasthetowncarcametoastop.“Don’teventryme,Claire...”

Gregopenedthebackdoorandreachedformyhand.“Mrs.Stath—MissGracen.”Heclearedhis

throat.

“Thankyou,Greg.”Isteppedoutandlookedupatthepinkandwhitesignthathungoverthesmall

creamcoloredbuilding.Itread“HappilyEverAfterCatering—FromOneHappyHearttoAnother.”
Therewerepinkandmintcoloredcupcakessittinginthestore’swindows,andwhenIsawthe
flawlessdisplayofvanillamousseinfrostedchampagneglasses,Ihopedwe’dfinallyfoundour
caterer.

JonathanheldthedooropenformeandIwalkedaroundthestoreinutterawe.Thewallswere

paintedinstripesofwhiteandsilver—stripesthatcomplementedthedisplaysthatstoodrightinfront
ofthem.

Infrontofthewhitebackdrops,brightlycoloredmacaroonsandpiepopswerestandingat

attention.Infrontofthesilverones,babycheesecakesandtuxedoedstrawberrieslookedasiftheyhad
beenmademinutesago.

“Comehere.Lookatthis.”Imotionedhimovertoafountainthatspewedwhitechocolate.“Look

athowthosecookiesarefloating.Andthey’reallintheshapeoftheletterS.Howcuteisthat?The
directoractuallypreparedforourmeeting.”

“It’sverycreative.Ilikeit.”
Iwalkedovertothe“SugaryH’ordeuvresStation”andinspectedthecherrycupcakeand

miniaturepiespread.

“Ihaveareallygoodfeelingaboutthis.”Ismiled.“Thepresentationisperfectandshedoesn’t

evenhaveanyfruitexamplesouthere.Ibetthosearephenomenal.”

TheFrenchdoorsthatweretoourleftsuddenlyopenedandablondewholookedlikeshewasmy

daughters’agecameoutandclearedherthroat.

“Goodafternoon,soon-to-beMr.andMrs.Statham.,”shesaid.“WelcometoHappilyEverAfter

Catering.Ourmanagerisfinishingupanemergencycallrightnow,butIwouldlovetowalkyou
throughourgalleryuntilshe’sabletopersonallyassistyou.”

Inoddedandwefollowedherintoahugeroomwheremirrorscoveredthewallsandshimmering

chandeliershunglowfromtheceiling.

“Thisiswherewekeepmostofourfruitdisplays.Bycontract,we’reabletoaccommodate

weddingsofuptofivehundredpeople—anythingoverthatrequiresanadditionalperpersoncharge
andwecanonlyincreaseuptotwothousandduetoourpermit.”

“Thisisamazing...”Ipickedupasmallicesculpturethathelddoveshapedpineapplesandcaramel

coveredcookies.“Youknowwhat?Idon’tneedtoseeanythingelse.”Iclaspedmyhandstogether.
“Thisisit.ThisiswhoIwanttobookwith.”

Thewomanblushed.“Really?I’llberightbackwithmymanager!”
Jonathanpulledmeintohisarmsandkissedme.“Finally...Whatelsedoweneedtodo?”

“Well,weneedtomeetwiththeinvitationdesignerthisevening...ThenIneedtoschedulemydress

appointmentandweneedto...”Ispottedachocolatecookiedisplaythatspelled“Mrs.Statham”outthe
cornerofmyeye.“Givemeonesecond.Ihavetotryoneofthose...”

Iwalkedoverandstuffedoneintomymouth—thenanotherandanother.
God,I’minheaven...
AsIwaseatingmyfifthone,Iheardaraspyvoicebehindmyback.
“JonathanStatham?AsintheJonathanStatham?”Thewomansaid.“MyhusbandandIareboth

hugefansofyourcellphones!Congratulationsonyourengagement!It’sanabsolutepleasureto
showyouourgallerytoday.”

ItriedtoswallowdownonelastcookiebeforeIturnedbackaroundtogreether.
“It’sapleasuretodobusinesswithyouaswell.”Hewrappedhisarmaroundmywaistandspun

mearound.“Thisismyfiancée,ClaireGracen.Shewasjusttalkingabouthowmuchsheloved—”

“Idon’twantanythingfromhere.”Icouldfeeltheblooddrainingfrommyface.
“What?”Heraisedhiseyebrow.“Ithoughtyoujustsaid...”
“Claire?”Amanda’seyeswidenedasshelookedbackandforthbetweenmeandJonathan.“You’re

engaged?Tohim?Well,I...Congratulations...That’swow...Ium...”

Shesaidsomething,somethingthatsoundedlike“Ihopeyouwon’tletourpersonalpastinterfere

withdoingbusinesswithoneanother,”butallIcoulddowasstandthereandstareatherinshock.In
disgusteddisbelief.

AndthemoreIstaredather,themoreItriedmyhardestnottolungeatherandgiveherthebeat-

downshedeserved.

Shehadn’tchangedmuchsincethelasttimeI’dseenher.Shestillhadlong,flowingauburnhair

andsoftbrowneyesthatwouldmakeithardforanyonetobelievethatshewasahome-wrecking
bitch.

“I’monlytheparttimemanager,”shewhispered.“Youdon’thavetoworkdirectlywithmeifyou

don’twantto.”

“Idon’twantto.”Inarrowedmyeyesather.“Idon’twanttoworkwithanyonethatevenfucking

knowsyou.”

“Claire,youdon’thavetobelikethis.Alotoftimehaspassedandifyouwouldjustgivemea

chanceto—”

“You’renotcarryingababyanymore,Amanda.”Isnapped.“AndsinceIstilloweyouanass-

kickingforwhatyoudidtome,Isuggestthatyousimplyshutthefuckupandletmeandmyfiancée
walkoutofthatdoorwithoutyousayinganotherwordtoeitherofus.”

Herfaceturnedwhiteandshesteppedback,allowingustowalkpastherandoutofthestore.
IwasshockedathowwellI’dkeptittogetherinfrontofher,becauseassoonasImadeitoutsideI

lostit.

“AmIinthefuckingtwilightzone?!”IscreamedatJonathan.“Didthatreallyjusthappen?She

worksinSanFrancisconow?Whythefuckcouldn’tsheandthatbastardlivesomeplaceelse?And
whydidn’tAshleyandCarolinetellmethatthey’dmovedhere?Theycould’veatleastwarnedme—
they’resmarterthanthat...”

“Calmdown...”Heputhishandsonmyshoulders.“Neitherofthemhadanyidea.Therewasno

wayyoucould’veknownaboutherbeinghereeither.You’vealwaysthoughtshewasstill—”

“InfuckingPittsburgh!WheresheandRyanbelong!Whatthefuckisthis,Jonathan?Bothof

them?Here?Iseetheminthesameweek?”

Helookedintomyeyesanditlookedasifhewasabouttospeak,buthepulledmeintohisarms

andheldmeclose.

“Idon’twanttolietoyou,butitstillmakesmesick...”Myvoicecracked.“Ican’tstomacheither

ofthem.Ijustcan’tdoit...I’mreallyhappynowandI...Idon’twantthemanywherearoundmy
happiness...Idon’tlikeknowingthattheystillexist.”Ikeptshakingmyhead,butIdidn’tallowa
singleteartofall.Iwouldn’tdare.

I’dletmyselfcomethisfarandIdidn’twanttogoback.Ever.
“Canwemaketheinvitationdesignermeetuslaterintheweek?”Ilookedupathim.“Ijustwantto

beathomewithyoufortherestoftheday.”

“Ofcourse.”Hewalkedmeovertothecarandhelpedmeinside.Beforehejoinedme,Iheard

himsaysomethingtoGreg:“There’sacateringbusinessinPittsburghcalledStella’s.Findawayto
flythedirectorandherteamherethisweekendsowecantalktothem.”

Chapter4

Jonathan

Ilookedovertheconfirmationfilesforourhoneymoontrip,doublecheckingeachflight’stime

andeachpilot’sflighthistory.Clairewasalotmorecomfortablewithflyingnow,butwheneverwe
didn’tusemypersonalpilot,sheinsistedonhavingacopyofthenewpilot’ssafetyrecordbefore
steppingonboard.

She’dbeenaskingmewhereweweregoingafterourweddingeveryday—evenattemptingto

withholdsextogetitoutofme,butIwantedeverythingtobeasurprise.Iwantedhertoloveevery
singlesecondofourtrip.

“Everythinglooksgreat.”InoddedatHayley.“Thankyouverymuch.MakesureClairegetsa

copyofthesepilotrecordsinthenextfewweeks.”

“Willdo,andyou’rewelcome.”Shetookthepapersandplacedthemintoherfolder.“Youknow,I

honestlyneverthoughtthatyouwouldgetmarried.”

“Whynot?”
“Ididcomelivewithyouonceyoustartedbuildingthiscompany,remember?BeforeIgotsmart

andwentawayforcollege...Therewerealotofwomeninandoutofthatcondo...”

“No,thereweren’t.”Isighed.“Ineverbroughtanywomannearyouandyouknowthat.”
“Ididn’tseethem,butIfoundalltheirpantiesunderneaththecouchcushions—thelittlemementos

theyleftbehindsoyoucouldrememberhowamazingthenightwas.Theyevenleftlittlenotesonthe
insidetags—‘Lastnightwasthebestnightofmylife,’‘You’rethebestfuckI’veeverhad,’andmy
personalfavorite—Oohhhcallmeanytime,Jonathan.I’lldropwhateverI’mdoingifitmeansIgetto
fuckyouagain.”

“Getoutofmyoffice,Hayley.”
Shelaughed.“IlookedthroughtheBerkstromaccountearlier.Idon’tthinkweshouldsignwith

them,buttheboardthinksdifferentlysomakesureyoureadovereverythingtonight.There’salsoa
meetingwiththeaccountingdivisionatthreetodiscussnewwaystotrackexecutivespending,andoh
yeah—youneedtomakesureyouhavethatbuyoutfileforyourinternationalcallinafewhours.”

“Angelabriefedmeonallofthishoursagobecauseyouweren’thereontimetoday.Forthe

fourthdayinarow.Caretoexplainwhy?”

“Icanbelate.”
“Youcanbeunemployed.”
Sherolledhereyes.“AreyouthisstrictwithAshleyandCaroline?Dotheygettheoverprotective

treatmenttoo?”

“You’reavoidingmyquestion.”
“Iam.”Shesmiledandflippedherblondhairoverhershoulder.“I’malsothinkingaboutputting

inacomplainttoHRabouttheCEObeingexcessivelyhardonme,sowatchit.”

“Canyouatleastmakesureyou’reontimeforyourdressfittingnextweek?Clairestressesout

aboutanythingwedding-relatedifit’smorethanasecondlate.”

“I’llbethereearly.Istillcan’tbelievesheaskedmetobeabridesmaid!Iamsohonoredtogive

youandyourcrazinessawaytosomeoneelse.Doessheevenknowhowcrazyyouareyet?Haveyou
shownheryourtruecolorsorareyousavingthemforlater?”

“Hayley...”
“Mr.Statham?”Angela’svoicecameovertheintercom.
“Yes?”
“Oneofyoursecurityadvisorsisheresir.Hesaysit’surgent.ShouldItellhimtowaituntil

you’redonemeetingwithHayley?”

“No.”Ishookmyhead.“We’remorethandonehere.Sendhiminplease.OhandAngela?”
“Yes,Mr.Statham?”
“OnlittleMissStatham’swayout,couldyoupleasehandhertheemployeepolicyontardinessand

orderheraCartierwatch—withthebiggestnumbersavailableplease?Haveitshippedovernight.”

“Yessir.”
Hayleynarrowedhereyesatmeandpursedherlips.“Youaretheworst.”
“Iloveyoutoo.”
Iwatchedassherushedoutofmyoffice,asshenearlycollidedwithmysecondhighestsecurity

chief—Clive.

“Where’sGreg?”Imotionedforhimtositinfrontofmydesk.
“He’straininganewmembertoday.Wouldyoulikemetobringhimupinstead?”
“No,that’sokay.What’sgoingon?”
Heremovedasmallbrownboxfromtheinsideofhisjacketandhandedittome.“Wefoundthis

outsideofMissGracen’sstorethismorning.”

“Mail?”
“No.Itwasfoundatsixa.m.There’snoreturnaddressandmaildoesn’trunovernight.Webelieve

thesmallredinitialsof“R.H.”belongtoMr.Hayes,themanwe’vebeenkeepingtabson.”

“Haveyoufoundanynewinformation?”
“No,butheknowswe’retailinghimsohe’sgivingustherun-around.Wedohaveareservationat

anexecutivecondobuildinginhisfirm’snamethough.I’veseenhimgoinsideafewtimes,buthe
neverspendsthenight.It’salwaysinandout.He’sstillpayingthemortgageonahouseinPittsburgh,
soweassumehisvisithereistemporary.”

“Thankyou,Clive.”
“Mypleasure,Mr.Statham.I’llletyouknowthemomentwefindanythingelse.”
Inoddedandwaiteduntilheleftmyoffice.IimmediatelyletAngelaknowthatIdidn’twanttobe

botheredforthenextthirtyminutes.

Istaredatthesmallbrownboxthatwassittinginfrontofme,wonderingwhythefuckRyan

wouldattempttogiveClaireanything,andthenIrippeditopen:Apicture.Andaletter.

ThepicturewasafadedoneofClaire,Ryan,andAmanda.Ithadtohavebeenatleasttenyearsold

becausetheywerealldressedinoutdatedclothing.OneofRyan’sarmswasaroundeachofthem,and
theywereallsmilingwidelyandholdingtheirthumbsup.

Atthebottomofthepicturehe’dwritten,“Rememberthis?”
Irritated,Iunfoldedtheletterandread:
DearClaire,
I’msorryforshowinguptoyourstoreunannouncedlastweek,butIknewthatifIcontactedyouin

advanceyouwouldn’tagreetoseeme.It’sthesamereasonwhyIdidn’ttellAshleyandCarolineabout
memovingheresixmonthsago,whyItoldthemwe’dhavetorescheduleourlastvisituntilthiswinter.
(Iknowthateventhoughtheyloveusbothequally,theirloyaltylieswithyou.)

LikeIsaidbefore,Ireallyneedtotalktoyou.Alone.Oneonone.It’ssomethingI’drathernotput

inaletterorsayoverthephonesoIwouldappreciateitifyoucouldjustrememberhowthingsusedto
bebetweenus—forjustfiveminutes.Ifyoucouldjustrememberhowweusedtobeabletotelleach

otheranyandeverything...Iwouldreallyappreciateyourtime.Iknowdeepdownyoustillhavesome
formofloveforme.

Yourfirst,
Ryan
Irereadthoselastlines—“Iknowdeepdownyoustillhavesomeformofloveforme,”and“Your

first”—andtriedmyhardestnottopickupthephoneandputahitoutonthisman’slife.Myblood
washeatingtolevelsIneverknewexistedandIwassecondsawayfromexploding.

IpickedupmyphoneandcalledGreg.
“Mr.Statham,”heanswered.
“PleasetellmeyouknowexactlywhereClaire’sex-husbandlivesandyou’rejustkeepingitaway

frommesoIwon’tmurderhim.”

“Idoknowsir.”
Ithoughtso...“Doyouknowwhyhe’sintown?”
“We’restilltryingtofigurethatout.IwillmakeyouawarewhenIknow.Isthatall?”
“No.IwantallofClaire’smailscreenedfromnowon.NothingfromRyanHayes,R.H.,or

anythingwithoutareturnaddressgetsintohermailbox.AndIwantyoutogiveallofthosethingsto
mesoIcanpersonallygetridofthem.”

“Mailtamperingisafederalcrime,Mr.Statham.”
“Idon’tgiveafuck.Doit.”IhungupandglancedatRyan’sletteronelasttimebeforestuffingit

downmyshredder.

I’mgoingtokillhim...
Myalarmfortoday’sboardmeetingstartedgoingoff,butIwastoolosttoreachintomypocket

andturnitoff.

Isatstillatmydesk—stunned.Angry.Annoyed.Icouldn’tbelieveherex-husband’snerveafterall

thistime,couldn’tbelievehewouldevenattempttocontactClaire—myClaire.

IwasabouttocancelallmymeetingsforthedayandgodowntoCorey’sofficetodoanother

roundofinvestigating,butthespecialringtoneIhadforClairebegantosound.

Ipulledoutmyphoneandreadhertextmessage:“Istillcan’tbelievethatyousendmeflowers

EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!Youarecompletelyoverthetop,butIenjoyeverysecondofit.Thebouquets
yousenttodayareabsolutelyamazingandILOVEthem.Iloveyousomuch,Jonathan...Yourlast,
Claire.:-)”

Andjustlikethat,mybloodtemperaturebegantocoolandtheacheinmychestslowlygaveway.
I’lldealwithRyanlater...

“Howaboutthisone?”Coreyheldamannequin’shandinfrontofme,slowlywavingitsoIcouldsee
howthediamondssparkledinthelight.

WewerestandingintheonlyjewelrystoreItrusted—Valenti’s,andthestoreownerhadshutit

downsoIcouldshopforClaire’sweddingbandinprivate.

Islippedtheringofftheplasticfingerandhelditinfrontofmyface,shakingmyhead.“Claire

wouldn’tlikeit.”

“Anywomanwouldappreciateabandwithrarepinkdiamonds—anywoman.Trustme,I’vebeen

withenoughofthemtoknow.”Hesmiled.

“Speakingofanywoman,didn’tyoumentionathreesomerecently?Itwaswithtwoactresses,

right?Younevertoldmeifitworkedinyourfavorornot.”

“Couldn’tdoit...”Heshrugged.“Waitaminute.WhyareyougettingClaireanotherdiamond

ring?Herengagementringisalreadyeighteencarats.Isn’tthatenough?”

“Iwanttodosomethingspecialforhersinceshe’sdoingsomethingspecialwithmine.”
“Right.”Herolledhiseyes.“Ishould’veknownthatyouwouldendupproposing.Youwerea

gonertheminuteyoutoldmeabouther.”

“That’snottrue.”
“Ofcourseitisn’t.You’vealwayscalledmeatoneo’clockinthemorningtotellmeaboutsome

randomwomanyousawataparty,somewomanyou’veneverevenspokento.Andyou’vealways
mademetrackherdownfourhourslater.”

“Itwassixhourslater.”
“Thatmakesitfarlessstalkerishdoesn’tit?”Hepulledouthisphone.“Whenexactlyisthe

wedding?IneedtomakesureIdon’tmakeanyplansthatweek.”

“Wehaven’tsetthedateyet.”Ispottedtwodiamondbandsinthecasethatspoketome;separately

theywereappealing,buttogethertheycouldbestunning.

Asifhe’dreadmymind,hepickedupthetworingsandplacedthemonanothermannequin’s

finger.“You’regettingmarriedinlessthanthreemonthsandyouhaven’tsetthedateyet?Youhadthe
IPOballplannedsixmonthsinadvanceandyoudidn’tevenwanttogo.”

“We’remeetingwiththeweddingplannernextweek.”
Heraisedhiseyebrowbuthedidn’tsayanything.
“Iseverythingalright,Mr.Statham?Mr.Walters?”Thestoreownerwalkedovertous.“Haveyou

foundsomethingthatyoulike?”

Islidtheplastichandacrossthecounter.“Iwanttheringtobeamixofthesetwodesigns—not

weldedtogetherthough,it’llbetoothick.AndIwantthesameengravingsthatwediscussedbefore.”

“Ofcourse,Mr.Statham.Thisshouldbeeasy.”
“Shit,I’vegottogo...”Corey’seyeswidenedashelookedathisphoneandstartedwalking

backwards.“Firewallbreachforthesecondtimetoday.I’llcallyoulater.”

Iwatchedastheguardslethimoutofthestorebeforerefocusingmyattentionontherings.
“Whatwereyousaying,MissValenti?”
“Thatthisshouldbeaneasyfix,butit’sgoingtotakemeatleasttwotothreeweekstoperfectit—

That’salotoftinydiamondsandtheyneedtimetoset.Butasusual,yourengravedmessagesto
Clairemakemecry.”Shesmiled.“She’sveryluckytohaveyou.”

“Sinceyou’redesigningmyringwithher,willmybandmatchhers?”
Sheraisedhereyebrow.“What?”
“Willmybandmatchhers?”
SheslidherglassesdownfromherforeheadandpulledouthersTablet,scrollingdownthe

screen.“Itmightmatchyours,butsinceshehasn’taskedmetodesignit...I’mnotsure.”

What?“Shedidn’tbookasessionwithyou?”
Sheshookherheadandshowedmethetablet.“You’remybestcustomer.Ialwayspushyour

appointmentstothetopofthelist.MystaffknowsthatMissGracenistoreceivethesametreatment.
She’snevercalledme.Ever.”

Inarrowedmyeyesatthescreen—hopingthathervisionwastheproblemandthatClairehad

indeedscheduledanappointmentlikeshepromisedto,buttherewasnothingthere.Allthepurchases
andappointmentswerethingsI’dmade:theHarryWinstonbracelet,theanchornecklace,thevintage
charmnecklaceandmatchingring,theengagementring,variousthingsforCarolineandAshley,and
nowthis—herweddingband.

“Shemaybeusingsomeoneelse,Mr.Statham.”Sheoffered.
Shedoesn’t‘know’anyoneelse...
“Right.Well,thankyouverymuch.It’sapleasuredoingbusinesswithyouasalways.DoIneedto

payforthisnow?”

“No.Ithinkyou’regoodforit.”Shewinkedandwalkedovertomysideofthecounter,leading

metothedoor.“I’lldoalltheworkonthisonepersonallyandcallyouforafollowupappointment
tomakesureyoulikeit.I’mlookingforwardtoyourwedding.”

Iaskedherafewquestionsaboutherlife—howherkidsweredoing,ifanyofthecolleaguesI’d

referredhadstoppedby,andthenIshookherhandandpromisedtopersonallydeliverheran
invitation.

AssoonasIsteppedoutside,thevaletbroughtmycararoundandIhandedhimwhateverbills

wereleftinmywallet.Iwastoooutofittocountorcare.

Isatbehindthewheelandstaredstraightahead.
Whydidn’tClairemaketheringappointment?Whatthehellisgoingonwithher?Didsheeven

bookourmeetingwiththeweddingplanner?!

Iscrolledthroughmyphoneandcalledthenumbershe’dgivenmefortheweddingplanning

firm.

“DreamWeddingAssociates,”awomananswered.“ThisisCharlottespeaking.HowmayIhelp

youtoday?”

“Ineedtospeaktothedirectorrightnow.”
“Um...”Shepaused.“Well,she’scurrentlybusyatthemoment,butifyougivemeyournameIcan

havehergetbacktoyou.”

“JonathanStatham.”
Shegasped.“I’msorry,Mr.Statham.I’llconnectyourightaway.”
Thephonerangtwotimesbeforeawomanwithahighpitchedvoiceanswered.“ThisisMiss

Corwin.WhoamIspeakingtothisafternoon?”

“JonathanStatham.”
“Oh!Mr.Statham!”Herpitchroseevenhigher.“Iamsoexcitedandhonoredthatyouchosemeto

coordinateyourwedding!Ipromisethatitwillbetheweddingoftheyear!It’sgoingtobethebest
oneI’veeverdone!”

“Somyfiancéehasbookedanappointmentwithyou?”
“Ofcourseshehas.”Shesoundedconfused.“I’mscheduledtomeetwiththebothofyou...”There

werepapersrattlingthebackground.“NextThursdayatsix.Shetoldmehowyoufeelaboutthetiny
details,sosheandIaregoingtomeetFridaytogooverthosealone.Butallthebones—colors,
location,date,etcetera—willbediscussedThursday.Iamsoexcited!Ican’twait!”

“Meeither.”InarrowedmyeyesatthepictureRyanhadsenttoClaireearlier—thepictureI’dleft

onmydashboard.“Asamatteroffact,Ineedtoaskyouafewmorequestions...”

Chapter5

Claire

Acrossandforward...Backwardsandacross...Acrossandforward...
Iweavedmyneedlethroughthelampshade,tryingtomakethestitchesasneataspossible.I’dbeen

lockedinsidemyofficeallday,sewingorderafterorder.

Sinceoneofmyhandmadelampshadeshadbeenfeaturedinanationalmagazinelastweek,I’d

hadtohirethreemorepeopletofillalltheincomingrequests.I’devenconsideredshuttingdownthe
storeforacoupledaystofinish,butallmystaffmembersofferedtostaylateandhelp.

“MissGracen?”Rita’svoicecameovertheintercom.“LisaandSamareheadinghomefortheday

andyourfiancéeisonlineone.”

“Thankyou.”Ipickedupthephone.“Yes,Jonathan?”
“Comehome.”
“Iwill,rightafterthislastpiece.Ionlyhavetwelvemorepatchestosew.”
“It’seighto’clock,Claire.Comehomenow.”
Isighed.“Youcan’tgivemefifteenmoreminutes?”
“No.Now.”Hehungup.
Irolledmyeyesandpickedupmyneedleagain,stickingitthroughthebottom.I’daccidentally

usedthewrongfabricearlierandIneededtofinishitforacustomerpick-uptomorrow.

I’llexplainittohimlater...
WhenIwashalfwaydone,therewasalightknockatmydoor.
“Comein,”Isaid,stillfocusedonmyproject.
“MissGracen.”Greg’sdeepvoicemademelookup.“Mr.Stathamisadamantaboutmebringing

youhomerightnow.”

“Issomethingwrong?”
“Hejustwantsyouhome.”Heheldthedooropenandgesturedformetostandup.“Non-

negotiable.”

Sighing,IcalledRitatothankherforstayingsolate.ThenIgrabbedmyblazerandwalkedout

front—tossingthestore’skeystoheronmywayout.

GregopenedthebackdoorofthetowncarandwaiteduntilIwascomfortablebeforepullingoff.
“Greg?”Iclearedmythroat.
“Yes,MissGracen?”Helookedatmethroughtherearviewmirror.
“HowlonghaveyoubeenworkingforJonathan?”
“Sincehefirststartedhiscompany.”
“Didhetreatallhisgirlfriendslikethis?Makethemdropwhatevertheyweredoingjustbecause

hewantedtoseethem?”

“No.”Heshookhishead.
“Butyouchauffeuredthemaroundtoo,right?Thosefewseriousgirlfriendsthathehad?”
“MissGracen...”
“I’mjusttryingtomakeconversationtogetmymindoffthefactthathejustdemandedthatIcome

home.That’sall.”

“Ofcourse.”Hepulledthecarontothehighwayrampandturnedthemusicupanotch.

“Areyougoingtoanswermyquestion,Greg?”
Hesighed.“Mr.Stathamhasneveraskedmetochauffeuranyofhisothergirlfriends.”
What?“Howdidtheygetaroundwhentheywentondates?”
“Hedrovehisowncartopickthemup.”
“Didhetakethemonhisyachts?”
“MissGracen...”Hekepthisvoicefirm.“Icanrememberafewrandomdatesonhisyachtfrom

yearspast,buttothebestofmyknowledgeyouaretheonlywomanwhohasbeenonallofhisyachts.
Withtheexceptionofhissisterandyourdaughters,youaretheonlywomanwhohasflownonhis
privateplaneandyouare,withoutadoubt,theonlywomanwhoIhavepersonallychauffeured
around.Youarealsotheonlywomanhe’severshownhisrealhome.Now,ifyoudon’tmind,Iwould
prefernottotalkaboutmyemployer.”

Inoddedandsatbackintheseat,completelyspeechless.
Allthistimethatwe’dbeentogetherI’dalwaysthoughthe’dshownhissoftersidetosomeone

else.Knowingthathehadn’tmademefeelevenmorespecial.

Asthetowncarrolledpasttherightexittotakemehome,ItappedGregontheshoulder.“I

thoughtyouweretakingmehome?”

“Mr.Stathamcalledmeafewminutesago.Hewantsmetobringyoutotheairstripinstead.”
“He’sflyingmesomewhere?Onshortnotice?”
“Hedidn’tsayanythingfurther,MissGracen.”
Halfanhourlater,thetowncarcruisedintotheprivatejetportandstoppedafewhundredfeetin

frontofJonathanandhisplane.

Thereweretwentypeoplestandingaroundhim—hiscrew,afewofhistopaccountants,anda

coupleofpeopleI’dneverseenbefore.Hewaspacinginfrontofthem,shakinghisheadinanger,
givingordersofsometype.

Gregopenedmydoorandreachedformyhand,whisperingawarning.“Something’sbeen

botheringhimallday...”

InoddedandwatchedasJonathancontinuedtoyellathisemployees,somethingabout“Thisis

unacceptable,”and“WhyamIjustnowfindingoutaboutthistoday?!”

Itriedtostepbackwardsandslipbackinsidethetowncar,buthelookedoverhisshoulderandhis

blueeyesmetmine.

Heimmediatelystoppedtalkingandstaredatme,lookingmeupanddown.Hestrolledoverto

whereIwasstandingandpulledmeintohisarms.

BeforeIcouldsay‘Hello,’hepressedhislipsagainstmineandslippedhistongueintomymouth

—kissingmeuntilIcouldn’tbreathe.

“Whydoyouhavesuchahardtimecominghomeatsix?”hewhisperedharshly.“We’ve

discussedthistoomanytimes...”

“IguessIkeepforgettingthatIhaveacurfew.”
“It’sanagreement.”
“Youshould’vegottenitinwriting.”
Afaintsmileplayedonhislipsandheleanedforwardandkissedmeagain—morepassionately

thistime.Hecaressedmybackwithhishandsandslippedhistonguedeeperanddeeperintomy
mouth.

Iopenedmyeyesandrealizedthatthetwentyorsopeoplethatwerebehinduswerenowstaring

inourdirection,whisperingtooneanother.

Ipulledawayfromhim,blushing.“Youcan’tkissmelikethatinfrontofyourstaff...”
“IcankissyouhoweverIwant.”Heclaspedmyhandandwalkedmeovertohisteam.“Ineed

threeadvisors,oneexecutive,andoneintern.Takeoffinfiveminutes.”

Hemumbledsomethingunderhisbreathasheledmeovertotheplane.Asusual,helookedinto

myeyesforwhatfeltlikeforeverbeforehelpingmeonboard.Hemotionedformetotakeaseatfirst
andthenhesatdownnexttome.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iasked.
Hedidn’tanswer.“Couldyoutellmyteamtohurryupanddecidewho’scomingwithus?”He

shookhisheadattheflightattendant.

Withinminutes,afewofhisstaffmembersfiledintothecabin.
“Areyougoingtoanswermyquestion,Jonathan?”
“No.Putonyourseatbelt.”
Iblinkedandherolledhiseyes,reachingovermylaptodoithimself.
ItriedtoreadhisexpressionsoIcouldseewhathewasthinking,buthewasperfectlystoic.
“Mr.Statham,”theflightattendantsaidasshelookedatme—nothim.“Thepilotisaskingifyou

wouldlikeforustowaitafewminutesfortakeoffor...”

Hecuppedmyfaceinhishands.“Areyoufeelingokay?”
Inodded.
“Wecantakeoff.”Heclaspedmyhand.
Ishutmyeyesastheflightattendantremindedhisstafftofastentheirseatbelts,astheplaneroared

tolifeandslowlymoveddownthetarmac.Asweascendedintotheair,IfeltJonathansqueezingmy
handandkissingmycheek.

IkeptmyeyescloseduntilIheardthefamiliarpingthatsignifiedthatwewerefreetomoveabout

thecabin,untilIheardthepilot’svoiceovertheintercom:“We’reallclearnow,MissGracen.”

Ilookedbehindourseatsandnoticedthatallofhisassociateswerebusytypingawayontheir

screens—completelypreoccupiedbywhatevertheyweredoing.

“Jonathan...”Iwashonestlyworried.“What’sgoingon?Tellme.”
Heunbuckledmyseatbeltandpulledmeup.“Weneedtotalk.Now.”Hetuggedmedowntheaisle

andintotheplane’sluxurybathroom.

Lockingthedoor,hepulledmeflushagainsthischestandremovedsomethingfromhispocket.
“Whatisthis?”Heheldapictureofme,Ryan,andAmandainbetweenus.
“Wheredidyougetthis?”
“Oneofmysecurityguardsfounditoutsideyourofficethismorning.Itwaswithaletter—ina

boxfromRyan.”

“Yoursecurityguardscheckmymail?”
“Asoftoday,yes.Whereisthispicturefrom?”
“Canwediscussthemailtamperingissuefirst?”
“Claire...”
“It’sfromourfirsthighschoolreunion.”
“Ithoughtyousaidyouneverwenttoone.”
“Iwenttothefirstone,theonethatwasinPittsburgh.”Itrailedmyfingersaroundtheloosely

fittedblackdressIwaswearinginthephotograph,aroundtheprettygoldbraceletthatmatchedthe
oneAmandawaswearing.IcringedasIreadRyan’s“Rememberthis?”note.

“Itdoesn’tmeananythingtoyou?”Hetiltedmychinup.
“No.”Ishookmyhead.“It’sactuallyquiteironicthathewouldsendthispicturebecauseIdo

rememberthis.Irememberitverywell...”Ipaused.“Theypassedoutthesecrystallizedawardsforthe
peoplewhowonsuperlativesinthesenioryearbook...RyanandIgotCutestCoupleandCoupleMost
LikelytoGetMarried,andmeandAmandagotMostLikelytoBeBestFriendsForever...”

“I’msorry.”
“It’sinthepast.”Ishrugged.“Where’stheletter?”

“YouthinkIsavedthatshitforyoutoread?”
“Ofcoursenot...”Irolledmyeyes.“Now,aboutyoutamperingwithmymail.”
“Whataboutit?”
“Wellone,itsillegal.Two,Ryan’snotathreat.”
“Heiswhenhewantssomethingthat’smine.”
“Idon’tthinkthat’sthecase.IjustthinkhehassomethingtosaybutIhonestlydon’tcarewhatit

is.”

“Youshouldn’t.”Henarrowedhiseyesatme.“Youshouldn’tcareabouthimatall.”
“Idon’t...”
Silence.
Heslidhisthumbunderneaththeanchorcharmofmynecklaceandspokeslowly.“You’renothis

anymore,andI’mgoingtodowhateverittakestokeephimfarawayfromyoubecause—”He
pressedawarmkissagainstmychest.“Youbelongtome.”

Iwassilent.
“Doyouhaveaproblemwiththat?”
“No...”
“Ifhehappenstoslippastmysecurity...”Helookedintomyeyesandslippedhishandsaroundmy

waist.“Orifhecomesintoyourstoreagain—oranywherearoundyouwhenI’mnotthere...Youneed
tocallme.ASAP.”

Inoddedandhedrewmybottomlipintohismouth,harshlytrappingitbetweenhisteethfor

severalsecondsbeforelettingitgo.

“Tellmeyou’llcallme.”
“Yes,I’ll...Callyou...”
“Idon’tshare...”Hetracedmylipswithhisfingertips.“AndIneverwill.Never.”
Iwasn’tsurewhattosayorhowtorespondwhenhelookedatmelikethis.Isimplystaredintohis

deepblueeyesandfeltmyheartbeatinganentirelynewrhythm.

“Wasthat...Wasthatallwehadtotalkabout?”Isteppedtomyleftandreachedovertopressthe

doorhandle,buthegrabbedmyhandandpushedmeagainstthewall.

“No.That’snotit.”HereacheddownandpulledthesilverclipIwaswearingoutofmyhair.He

brushedhisthumbacrossmycheekandmurmuredsomethingIdidn’tunderstand.

JustasIwasabouttoaskhimtorepeathimself,thejetbegantoshakebackandforth,andI

instinctivelyclungtohimandshutmyeyes,bracingfortheworst.

“It’sjustturbulence,Claire,”hewhispered.ButtheplanewasshakingmoreviolentlysoIclungto

himevenmore—diggingmynailsintohisneck.

TheroughrattlingcontinuedandIheardtheshudderingofthesmallcabinetsnexttome,heard

theseriesofloudpingsthatmeantweweresupposedtobeinourseatswithourseatbeltsbuckled.

Iwon’tfeelanythingifwecrash...Iwon’tfeelathing...
ItookseveralshortbreathsandloweredJonathan’sheadtomine.“Iloveyou...”
Iwasn’tsurehowlongIclungtohim,butafterIsilentlysaidallmygoodbyestoeveryoneelseI

loved,InoticedthattheshakinghadstoppedandJonathan’sarmsweretightlylockedaroundme.

Therewasanotherlightping,butjusttobesure,Icountedtosixtybeforeopeningmyeyes.When

mygazemetJonathan’sIrealizedthathewassmilingatmewithhiseyebrowraised.

“I’mgladyouthinkthatwasfunny.”Irolledmyeyesandpushedhimaway,reachingforthedoor.

“I’mburstingwithlaughtermyself.”

“Stop.”Heblockedmeandhitafewdigitsonakeypad,effectivelylockingusinside.Thenhe

loweredhismouthtomine.“Iwasn’tlaughingatyou,Claire.Iwasjuststaringatyoubecauseyou
lookreallyfuckingbeautifultoday...”

Hehesitated,lookingasifhewantedtosaysomethingmore,buthecrushedhislipsontomine

andpinnedmeagainstthedoor.

Imoanedashetookhistimekissingme,runninghisfingersthrougheveryinchofmyhair.I

didn’tevenclosemyeyestosavorthefeeling.

Icouldn’t.
Hewascommandingmetokeepthemopen,givingmealookthatsaidhewasabouttofuckme

senseless.

Withoutbreakingourkiss,heslidthestrapsofmydressdownmyshouldersandpusheditdown,

lettingitfalltothefloor.

Islippedmyhandstohispants,unbucklinghisbeltandunzippinghisfly—feelinghowhardhis

dickwasalready.Iwasstartingtounbuttonhisjacket,buthegrabbedmyhandsandpinnedthem
abovemyhead.

Hetrailedhistongueacrossmycollarboneandinbetweenmybreasts,usinghisteethtounfasten

thelatchatthefront.Whenhefinallygotitopen,heswirledthetipofhistonguearoundbothofmy
nipples,bitingdownoneachoneuntilImurmuredhisname.

Tiltingmyheadback,hepressedkissesupanddownmythroatandslowlyreleasedmyhands.He

slippedhisthumbunderneaththebandofmypantiesandslowlyrippedthemoff.

Igaspedashehookedoneofmylegsaroundhiswaist,asheslowlypushedhisdickinsideofme

andcommandedthatIwrapmyotherlegaroundhim.

“Jonath—”
“Shhh...”Heplacedmyarmsaroundhisneckandpressedalightkissagainstmyforehead.
Ibitmylipashecuppedmyassandstartedtoslowlymovemeupanddown.Hepressedmyback

againstthewallandslidhishandsunderneathmythighs,grippingmeroughlyashebegantopound
intome.

Therewasnotalkingbetweenus—justthesoundofheavybreathingandourskinslappingagainst

eachother.

TheplaneshookagainandItightenedmyarmsaroundhisneckashespedupourrhythm.Itried

nottocryout,butIcouldn’thelpit.

“Jonathan...”
Hedrewbothofmylipsintohismouthandheldthemcaptivewithhisteeth,continuingtodrive

himselfinandoutofme.

Iwasmurmuringintohismouth,begginghimtoreleasemylips,buthebitdownonthemeven

harder.

Isqueezedmythighsaroundhimastremorsstartedtomaketheirwaythroughmybody,asIfelt

myselfgettingcloserandclosertoanorgasm.

Fuck...
Hestaredintomyeyes—silentlysaying‘Iloveyou,’andweexplodedtogether—clingingtoeach

otherasourbodiesshookviolently,astheplanemadeanoticeableturnintheskies.

Heletmylipsgoandpanted.“Iloveyousofuckingmuch,Claire...sofuckingmuch...”Hekissed

myfaceoverandoveragainandIbreathlesslytoldhimthatIlovedhimtoo.

Helookedintomyeyesforalongtime,caressingmycheekwithhispalm.Assoonasmy

breathingwasnormalagain,hetookastepback—withourbodiesstillentwined,andsatdownonthe
smallwindowbench.

Itriedtomoveoutofhislap,butheheldmestillandkissedmylips.
“I’llnevergetenoughofyou.”Hecaressedmybackwithhishands.“Youhavenoideahowmuch

youmeantome...”

“Ido...Ifeelthesamewayabout—”Mysentencewasinterruptedwithahotandpassionatekiss.

Whenhefinallypulledawayfromme,ItriedtofinishwhatIwasgoingtosaybuthekissedmeuntilI
completelyforgot.

Iwasn’tsurehowmuchtimepassedwithussittinglikethat,butthenextthingIfeltwashim

slowlymovinghimselfoutofmeandrepositioningmeinhislap.

“Ifeellikewe’vedoneeverything...”Imurmured.
“Everything?”
“Inregardstosex...”
“No,noteverything.”Hecuppedmyassandsqueezedit,trailingonefingerbetweenmycheeks.

“ButIfiguredweshouldsavesomethingforthehoneymoon.”

Myeyeswidenedinshock.
“IcanalsothinkofseveralotherplaceswhereI’dlovetofuckyou.”
“Youshouldmakealist.”
“Iwill.”Hegentlyeasedmeoutofhislap.
“Areyougoingtotellmewherewe’regoingnow?”
“TotheonlynotaryItrust.”Hestoodandpickedmydressupfromthefloor.“Hewasn’tableto

charterajetonshortnoticesowe’regoingtohiminL.A.”

“Whydoweneedtoseeanotary?”
“Becauseyoudidn’tsignthepapersIsenttoyouroffice.”
Isighed.
He’dsentmeasealedboxofpropertydeeds,yachtownershiprecords,andseveralinvestment

portfoliosatthebeginningoftheweek.He’dhadthemdeliveredviatwoofhissecurityguardswitha
handwrittennote:“IwanttoshareeverythingIownwithyou,beforewe’remarried—Jonathan.”

“Whyareyouinsucharush?”Iasked.
“Whyareyounot?”
“BecauseI’mbeingpractical.Don’tyouthinkitmakesmoresensetowaituntilIactuallyhave

yourlastnamebeforeIco-owneverythingyou’veworkedsohardtoget?”

“Notunlessyouplanonbackingoutofmarryingme.”Hisvoicewasfirm.“Sinceyoudecidednot

tosignthepaperswhenItoldyouto—whenmybankwaswillingtolooktheotherway,webothneed
aseparatesetofwitnessesandanotaryforeachsetofcontracts.”

Oh...“I’msorry...Ididn’tknowthatwaswhyyoudidthat.”
“Andthesecondwe’redonesigningallthesefuckingcontracts,we’regoingtomakeastopata

hotel.”

“We’respendingthenightinL.A?”
“Yes.Withourweddingplanner.”
“What?Ithoughtweweremeetingwithhernextweek.Istillneedtolookthroughafew

magazinesandcataloguestomakesureIhaveeverythingIwant.”

“We’redoingitnow,Claire.Right.Now.Ifeellikeyou’redelayingthis,andifthat’sthecaseI

needtoknowwhy.”Helookedasifhewaswaitingformetosaysomething,butIshookmyhead.“If
it’snotthecase,Ineedtoknowthatyou’reasseriousasIamaboutgettingmarried.”Hepulledme
closetohischest.“Youcanstillmeetwithhernextweektofinetuneallthesmalldetails,butIwant
thedateandthevenuesettonight.”

“Iamveryseriousaboutmarryingyou,Jonathan...”
“Proveit.”

“Okay,letmegetthisstraight...”Ourweddingplannerpacedourhotelsuitetappingherlip.

HernamewasParisCorwinandshewasthetopweddingplannerinthecountry.She’dworked

withhundredsofcelebrities,superstarathletes,andhadevenbeenanadvisorfortheroyalwedding
overseas.

Impeccablydressedinadarkgraysuitandcreamycoloredblouse,shewaswearingherbrown

hairinanasymmetricalbobthatlooselyframedherheartshapedface.

“Youwanttheceremonytobeoutdoorsfacingtheocean,butyoudon’twantittobewithinmiles

ofanywherethat’saccessibletothepublic?”Shelookedatme.“Andyoualsodon’twantittobeona
beach?”

“Right.”
“Andyouwantthereceptiontobeinanindoorfacilitythat’swithinwalkingdistancefromthe

ceremonyspace,butithastohaveglassceilings?”

“Correct.”
Shetookoffherglassesandrubbedherforehead.“ItalsohastobeinSanFrancisco?”
Jonathanspokeup.“Wewouldpreferthat.”
“Okay,well...I’mjustgoingtobehonestwithyoutwo.Youmayhavetoconcedeonafewthingsif

youwanttohaveitthere.”

“Afewthingslikewhat?”Iraisedmyeyebrow.I’dbeenenvisioningmyweddingeverynightand

Ididn’twanttogiveupanyofmypreferences.

“Well...”Shewalkedovertotheprojectorscreenshe’dsetupontheothersideoftheroom.She

dimmedthelightsandclickedherminiremote.“ThisisapictureofTheShoresResort.Itisa
beachfrontresort,buttheyhaveahugeballroomwithglassceilings.”

Sheclickedagainandanotherpictureappearedonscreen.“ThisisLaSantaMariaresort.Ithasa

beautifuloutdoorareathat’snearthebeach,butinsteadofsandthere’sgrass—whichiswhatyou
want,buttheballroomdoesnotfeatureglassceilings.Itdoeshavefloortoceilingglasswallsthough,
andthosewallsaretwentyfeethigh.”

Oneofherteammemberswalkedoverandhandedmeawhitebinder.
“Insidethatbinder,you’llfindsimilarresortsthatarejustasgrand.”MissCorwinsaid.“They’re

justaspricey,butthey’reonlymissingoneofthethingsthatyou’relookingfor.”

“Dotheyallhavethegrandstepsforthereception?”IlookedatJonathan.“Iwanttoenterthe

receptionbywalkingdownthesteps,rightbeforeourfirstdance.”

“Allthepageswiththepinktabshavegrandsteps.Theothershavestandardsteps.”
“Okay.”Isighed.“Letmelook...”Iopenedthebinderandflippedthroughthepagesrelatively

quick.Allthevenueswerebeautifulbuttheydidn’thaveeverythingIwanted,everythingI’ddreamed
of.

“Whataboutthisone?”Jonathanpointedatapagethatfeaturedahistoriccastlenearthebeach.It

wasgorgeous:Sundrenchedstones,grandmarblesteps,buttheballroomdidn’thaveaglassceiling
andtheoutdoorareafortheceremonyhadmoredirtthangrass.

Ishookmyheadandshutthebinder.“I’msorry,butthisisn’twhatIwant...Idon’twanttoconcede

anything.Ifwemoveittoanothercitywillouroptionsbebetter?”

“Yes,MissGracen.Theyactuallywould.Letmeshowyouthoseoptions.”Shetookaflash-drive

outofherpocketandplaceditintoherlaptop.“Let’sstartwithLosAngeles.”

“MissCorwin.”Jonathancutheroff.“Youhaveafullstaffofarchitectsonyourstaff,correct?”
“Yes,ofcourse.I’llmakesurethatthegazeboyoubothwantisconstructedtoperfection.”
“Actually...”Heliftedmyhandandkissedit.“Iwantyoutobuildmyfiancée’sdreamwedding

venuefromthegroundup.Giveherwhatevershewants.”

Therewassilence.
Eardeafeningsilence.

Everyone’seyeswidened—includingmine,andallherstaffmembers’faceswentwhite.
Ilookedoverathiminshock,whispering,“No,that’sinsane.Youdon’thavetodothat.”
“It’sjustlikebuyingacar.It’snothing.”HekissedmeandturnedhisattentiontoMissCorwin

again.“YouhaveaweektofindapurchasablelocationsiteinSanFran,butIwanttheproposed
budgetonmydeskbyMondayandalistofallthebuildingpermitsyou’llneed.Howlongdoyou
thinkconstructionwilltake?”

Sheblinked.
“Itwouldtakeabouteighttotenweeksoncethepermitsclearedsir.”Oneofherstaffmembers

spokeup.“We’dprobablyhavetobringonanothercompanytohelp,butdependingontheheightof
thebuilding,we’dalsoneedazoningclearancefromthecity.Thattakesmonthstoget—sometimes
years.”

“I’lltakecareofit.”Hedidn’tseemfazed.“What’snext?”
“Um,well...”MissCorwinslowlyregainedhercomposure.“Weum...Weneedtodiscussthemore

intricateaspectsnow...Whatcolorschemedidyouhaveinmindforyourspecialday?”

Jonathanlookedoveratme.
“I...”Iwasstilltryingtowrapmyheadaroundthefactthathewashavingmydreamvenuecustom

built.“Iwasthinkingangelwhiteandchampagneasthemaincolors—withhintsofblushpink,ivory,
andpastelyellowthroughout.Nothingtooheavythough;maybeapopofcolorinthepetalsdownthe
aisleorinthedecorationsatdinner,butnotenoughthatit’lltakeoverthemaincolors.”

“Thatsoundsbeautiful,MissGracen.”Shenodded.“Wecanfinetunethesmallerthingsnext

week,butjustsoIhaveanideaaboutthebridalpartynumbers...”Sheclickedherpen.“Whoisyour
maidofhonor?”

“Ihavetwo.Mydaughters,AshleyandCaroline.”
“Andhowmanybridesmaidswillyouhave?”
“Three—mybestfriendsSandraandHelen,andhissisterHayley.”
“Thankyou...”Shescribbledtheirnamesdown.“Mr.Statham,whoisthebestmanandhowmany

groomsmenwillyouhave?”

“CoreyWaltersisthebestman.I’llhavetwogroomsmen.”
“Verywell.I’llbringsamplesofyourcolorchoicesnextweek.Oh,andwhileI’msearchingfora

placetobuildyourvenue,couldyoukeepmeinformedaboutthestatusofyourdress?Ialwayslike
tomatchsomeofthefloralarrangementstothethemeofthebride’sattireifpossible.”

“You’vealreadyboughtyourdress,correct?”Jonathansqueezedmyhand.
“Notyet.I’mgoingshoppingforitthisweekendwithmymom.”
Heraisedhiseyebrow,butMissCorwinkepttalking.“Iassumewe’regoingwithblacktuxedos

forthegroomsmen,Mr.Statham?”

“Yes.”
“Great!Well,sinceIhavetofindaplacetobuildyourvenue,ifyoutwodon’thaveanyquestions

forme...”Shelookedbackandforthbetweenus,waitingforustosaysomething.“I’llhavethe
proposedbudgetforyouonMonday,Mr.Statham.AndMissGracenIlookforwardtoseeingyou
againlater.”

Webothstoodupandshookherhand,thankingallofherteammembersforhavingusonsuch

shortnotice.

Ihelpedthempacktheirbindersandpostersawayandtraveledwiththemdowntothelobby.
“Waithere.”Jonathansaidtomeasheescortedthemoutsidetothewaitinglimohe’dordered.
Assoonasthecarpulledoff,hewalkeduptomeandpulledmeintohisarms.“Pleasetellmeyou

werejustbeingcoywithheraboutyourweddingdress.”

“Coy?”

“Isithideous?ShowmeapictureofitandI’llletyouknowmythoughts.”
“No...”Irolledmyeyes.“Ihonestlydon’thaveityet.I’mgoingshoppingforitthisweekend.”
“Youtoldmeyoustartedshoppingforyourdresslastweekend.”
“NoIdidn’t.”
“Yes.Youdid.”Henarrowedhiseyesatme.“That’sthereasonwhyyoucamehomelatelast

Friday.”Hepulledhisphoneoutandscrolledthroughhistexts.“Friday.Fivefortyeightpm:
Jonathan,I’mgoingtobelatefordinnertonight.Ischeduledalateappointmentwithadressboutique
atsix.IpromiseI’llmakeituptoyou—Claire.”Heraisedhiseyebrowinanticipationofananswer.

“Okay...Ididhaveanappointment,butitwasn’tatadressshop.”
“Youliedtome?”
“Icouldn’ttellyouwhatitwasforbecauseit’s...It’sforouranniversary.”
“So,youliedtome?”Hepulledmeevencloser.
“Jonathan,itwasaconsultationappointment.Afterouranniversary,I’llbehappytoshowyouthe

timestamponmyreceiptsoyoucanseethatIwasn’tlyingtoyou.Ididhavesomethingscheduled.”

Heblinked.Thenhestaredintomyeyesforalongtime—notsayinganythingatall.
“AmIsupposedtobestaringbackatyourightnow?Areweplayingagameofsometype?”I

smirked.“Firstonetoblinkactuallyactslikeanadultfortherestofthenight?”

“Yes,futurewife...”Hetightenedhisgriparoundmywaist.“Wearegoingtoplayagame.It’s

called,JonathanisgoingtoteachClaireaverystrenuouslessonaboutlyingtohim...”

Chapter6

Claire

Istoodstillinthecenterofaplatform,tryingmyhardestnottorollmyeyes.Iwasatabridal

boutique,patientlycountingdowntheminutesuntilGregdrovemebackhome.

ThedressIwastryingonhadbeenselectedbymymother,soIwassureitlookedterrible,butI’d

appeasedherandtrieditonanyway.

“Pleasedon’tdriveJonathanawaylikeyoudidlastyear.”Shezippedupthegown.“Ialmost

smackedyouforthat.Ioughttoslapyourightnowforinsurance,tomakesureitdoesn’thappen
again.”

Irolledmyeyesandlookedatmyselfinthemirror.“Thatwasovereightmonthsago.”
“Idon’tcarehowlongagoitwas.IfIhadahot,sexybillionairechasingmelikehechasedyou,I

wouldhavegiveninthemomentheaskedmeout.Hell,Iprobablywouldhavesleptwithhimthefirst
nighttoo.”

“Thankyou,mother.”Ishookmyheadandfrownedatthedress’neckline.“I’llbesuretogivethat

sameadvicetoAshleyandCarolineoneday...Anyway,I’mnotsureifIlikethisdress.Idon’tthink
he’lllikeiteither.There’swaytoomuchbeadingacrossthetop.”

Therewasactuallywaytoomuchofeverythingonthedress.Itcoveredeveryinchofmefromthe

neckdown;ithadlacedsleeves,apleatedwaist,andenoughbeadingforakindergartenclasstobe
entertainedforaweek.

“Well,Ithinkitlookstraditional,”shesaid.“Youcannevergowrongwithtraditional.I’msure

Jonathanwillappreciateyouinsomethinglikethis.”

“Areyououtofyourmind?”Helenwalkedinsidetheroomandimmediatelyshooedmymother

away.“Nodisrespect,Ms.Gracen,butwe’llonlybetryingondressesthatweresewninthiscentury—
preferablythisdecade.”

Mymotherhuffedandheadedbackoutintotheboutique.Assoonasshewasgone,Helenplaceda

fewnewgownsagainsttherack.

Iflippedoneofthepricetagsoverandheldbackagasp:Seventyeightthousanddollars.
IknewJonathandidn’tcarehowmuchmydresswouldcost,buteverydressinthisstorewasabit

extreme.

“Areyouexcited?”Helenhelpedmeoutoftheatrocity.
“Iam.”Icouldn’thelpbutsmile.Iwenttosleepdreamingaboutourweddingeverynight.
“That’sgood.Youshouldbe.Andtocelebratethis“tyingyourselfdown”mess,I’mthrowingyou

onehellofabacheloretteparty.I’malmostdonewiththedetails,soifthereareanypeopleyouwant
toinvite,letmeknow.Makesureyoutellthemthateverythingisonme.”

“Oh,no.”Ipulledthedressovermyhead.“That’sokay.Idon’treally...”
“Youdon’treallywhat?”
“Idon’tthinkIwantabacheloretteparty.I’dratherspendthattimewithJonathan...I’llbehappy

withoutone.”

“Claire...”Sheclutchedherchest.“Youareabouttogetmarried,whichmeansthatfortherestof

yourlife—therestofyourlife,you’reonlygoingtobeabletoexperienceonedick.One.Dick.”

“Helen—”

“Doyouknowhowdepressingthatis?Doyourememberthatdayyoutoldallofusthathe

proposedtoyou—thedayyousawmytears?Iwasn’tcryingbecauseIwashappy.Iwascrying
becauseItrulyfeltbadforyou.Idon’tcarehowgoodamanisinbed—that’snotenoughtomakeme
wanttosleepwithhimfortherestofmylife.”

“Areyougoingtobemakingapointanytimesoon?”
“I’mthrowingyouthemostepicbachelorettepartyofalltime,regardlessofyourfiancée’s

ridiculouswarnings.”

“Hewarnedyou?”
“Hedid.”Shesmiled.“Healsosentmeanemailwithsomebullshitguidelinesthathewantsmeto

follow—somethingaboutnotlettingyourpartygettooraunchyoroverthetop.Hedoesn’twant
morethanfivementhere,andhedoesn’twantanymantogetwithinthreefeetofyou.”Sherolledher
eyes.“Butguesswhat?Itwillberaunchy.Itwillbeoverthetop.Therewillbedickseverywhere,and
goddamnitClaireyouwillfuckingloveit.Now,turnaroundsoIcanhelpyouintothenextdress.”

Iturnedaroundandshookmyhead.
Overthenextfewhours,Itriedondressafterdress,butIdidn’tfallinlovewithanyofthem.

Theywereeitherwaytoosimpleorwaytoodecorative.What’smorewasthateverytimeItriedona
dress,HelenandmymothercritiqueditasifIwasn’tstandingintheroom.Thentheywouldargue
overwhohadbettertaste.

“Haveyoutriedlookinginourgalleryroom,Mrs.Statham?Imean,MissGracen.”Anattendant

tookadressoffahanger.“Allthedressesinthatroomareoneofakind.”

“Ihaven’t.”Isighed.“What’sthepricerange?”
“Veryaffordable.Theystartatninetythousanddollars.”
Ninetythousanddollars?!
Iwantedtodecline,butHelenandmymotherwerearguingoverveils,soIfollowedthewoman

outofmysuiteandintoanall-whiteroom.

Therewereonlytworacksofdresses,buttheyextendedfromwalltowall.Itseemedlikethey

wereorganizedbysize,becausetherewasnowayoftellingwhateachdresslookedlike;theywere
allcoveredinsheersilverbagswithpinktagshangingfromtheirsides.

Theattendantcircledmewithmeasuringtape,stretchingitacrossmyshouldersandmybreasts,

brieflyholdingitaroundmyhips.

“Whattypeofdressdoyoulovetowearonaregularday?”sheasked.“Adaywhenyou’reonly

goingtoberunningafewerrands?”

“It’susuallysomethingsimple:solidcolor,basicshape,andaV-neckline.”
“Isee...Andhowaboutwhenyougooutonadate?”
“Itdepends...”
“Well,howaboutyourlastdate?Whattypeofdressdidyouwear?Andwherewasitifyoudon’t

mindmeasking.”

IblushedjustthinkingaboutmeandJonathan’slastdate.“Itwasatavineyard.Nudecoloredlace

dresswithalowcutinthefront.”

“Right.Andyoupreviouslymentionedthatyoupreferthetoneddownorganzaskirt,sweetheart

neckline,andcorsetbodiceso...”Shethumbedthroughafewhangersandpulledoutadress.“Thisis
yourweddinggown.Guaranteeit.”

“Whatmakesyousosure?”
“I’mthebest.”Shesmiledandledmebacktomyfittingroom.“Letmeknowhowitworksfor

you.”

Ihonestlydidn’twanttotryiton,butIslippedbackintomysuiteandwalkedrightbetweenHelen

andmymother.“Couldyoutwohelpmeintothislastoneplease?Thenwecanallgetdrinksbefore

weheadback.”

“Whatabouttheshoppingspree?”Mymotherfrowned.“JonathanpromisedmeIcouldget

whateverIwanted.Don’tyouhavehiscreditcardwithyou?”

“Yes...”Irolledmyeyes.“I’lljusthaveGregpickyouuptomorrowandbringyouback.”
IstoodstillassheandHelentooktheirtimehelpingmeintothelong,silkdress.Ididn’tbother

lookinginthemirrorastheytuggedandsmoothedeveryinchofit.Ijustwantedtogetthisoverwith
andgohome.

Iexpectedthemtostartarguingoverwhethertheylikeditornot,buttheywerebothstaringatme

instunnedsilence.

“Isitthatbadorthatgood?”Iasked.
“It’sabsolutelyperfect.”Helen’seyeslitup.“Youlookbeyondbeautiful,Claire...”
“Wouldyouliketoputonthematchingveil?”Mymother ’seyeswerefilledwithtears.
Inoddedandstoopeddownsotheycouldpullmyhairintoaknotandguidetheveil’scombonto

myhead.

“Don’tlookyet.”Helensmiled.“Letmeasktheattendantsforsomejewelry.”
IwaiteduntilshereturnedandtriedtobeasstillaspossibleasshefastenedaHarryWinston

wreatharoundmyneck.Itriedtosneakapeekofmyself,butmymotherheldmyheadstilland
securedapairofdiamondearringsontomyears.

Theyledmeintothemainroom,wherethelargestmirrorwas,andhelpedmeontoanother

platform.Astheysteppedback,Icouldseetearsfallingdowntheirfaces.

Outthecornerofmyeye,Ispottedtheshop’sattendantswhisperingandnoddingtheirheadsin

approval.

Icouldn’ttaketheanticipationanymore.“CanIturnaroundandlookinthemirrornow?”
“Yes.”Theysaidinunison.
IslowlyspunaroundandsuckedinabreathonceIsawmyreflection.
Ohmygod...
Thedresswasflawless.Utterperfection.
Itwasastraplessgownwithasweetheartneckline,anecklinethatwasembellishedwithathinline

ofsparklingwhiteandsilvercrystals.Thetopofthedressfitlikeavintagecorsetandgavewaytoa
longskirtofbeautifulorganzawavesthatflowedfrommyhipstomytoes—intoalongtrainthat
drapedofftheplatform.

Theveilwassimple,butstunning.Ithadlight,laceaccentsarounditsedgesandits’endsgrazed

mylowerback.

Itwirledaroundandlookedovermyshoulder,noticingthatthejewelryIwaswearingperfectly

complementedtheshimmeringbeadsintheveil’scomb.

Ididn’twanttocry,butthetearshadalreadybeguntofalldownmyface.Everythingsuddenlyfelt

morerealnow;Iwasactuallygettingmarried.

“Thisisit.”Therewasalumpinmythroat.“ThisisthedressIwant.”
Alloftheattendantsclapped,andthemanagerwalkedoverandhandedeachofusaglassof

chilledchampagne.

“Congratulations,MissGracen,”shesaid.“I’llbringoutourseamstresstocheckforany

necessaryalterations.”

“Justtobeclear,thesearen’treallytearsinmyeyes.”Helensteppedontotheplatformandhugged

me.“Thismomentneverhappened.”

Iheldbackalaughandnodded.
“Ican’tgetoverhowbeautifulyoulook,Claire.You’regorgeous...”Mymotherdabbedhereyes

withaKleenex.“He’snotgoingtobeabletolookawayfromyouonceyouwalkdownthataisle.”

Sheputherhandoverherchestandcried.“Pleasedon’tfuckthisup!”

IsmiledasJonathan’snewestsetofflowerswererolledintomyofficethenextday.Theywerea
collectionofwhite,pink,andyellowtulips,withwildorchidsevenlyplacedinbetweenthem.

Itooktheenvelopethatwasontopandsliceditopen:

FivePlacesWhereI’dLovetoFuckYou

5.Atacrowdedconcert

4.Inapackedmovietheater

3.Inourbathroom’ssauna

2.OnthehoodofmyBugatti

1.Onmyboardroomtable...

Callmeassoonasyourlastmeetingisover.

Love,

YourFutureHusband

Ilaughedandslippedthenoteintomypocket.“Youcansendmyteno’clockbacknow,Rita.”I

buzzedtheintercom.

Iwalkedovertomydoorandopenedit,expectingtoseeanelderlymanandhiswifebutinstead

—Ryan?!

“Youneverstruckmeasthedomestictype,Claire.”Hetookoffhishatandwalkedrightpastme.

“ButIguesswhenyou’reengagedtoabillionaireyourprioritieschange.Interiordesign?Really?”
Hescoffed.“IbetIcanguesswhattheother“C”inC&C’sCharmingDesignsmeans.”

“Doyounotunderstand‘getthefuckout’and‘Idon’twantyouhere’?Ordidputtingyourdickin

Amandaovertheyearscauseyoutolosesomeofyourhearing?”

“Youalwayswereasmartass.Ilovedthataboutyou.”
“Clearlynotenough.Getthefuckout.”
Hesighed.“Doyouknowhowharditistoadjusttoanewcity?Howmuchharderitiswhen

you’rebeingwatchedandfollowedbysecurityguardseverywhereyougo?”Heshookhishead.“Are
youthatthreatenedbyme?”

“Get.The.Fuck.Out.”
“I’llleave.”Hewalkedtowardsme.“Butweneedtotalkfirst.Sitdown.”
“I’llsitdownafteryouleave.”
“Youcan’tgivemefiveseconds?”
“I’vegivenyoumorethanthatalready.”Iwalkedovertomydoorandopenedit.“Besides,Idon’t

speakasshole.Inevercouldmasterthatlanguage.”

“Youowemethis,Claire.Justplease,listen.Outofrespectforhowyouusedtofeelabout

me...Outrespectforoneofouroldpromises:Youneverforgetyourfirst.”

“Unlessheknocksupyourbestfriend.Peopleneverreadthefineprintonthatone.”
“Claire...”
“Mr.Hayes.”Gregwassuddenlystandingnexttome.“Itwouldbebestifyoudidn’tutteranother

wordtoMissGracen.Youarenotwelcomeonthisproperty.”

Ryan’seyesdimmedandheshookhishead,lookingatmeasifhewashurt.
Whatthehelliswrongwithhim?!
“Youhavefivesecondstowalkoutofthisdoor,Mr.Hayes.”GregnarrowedhiseyesandRyan

walkedoutoftheoffice,lookingbackatmeastwoothersecurityguardsescortedhimout.

“I’venotifiedMr.Stathamabouttheintrusion.”Hesoundeddisappointed.“Mr.Hayesslippedby

ourwatchtodayandmanagedtotakeacabhere.Mysincerestapologies,MissGracen.Itwon’t

happenagain.Areyoualright?”

“I’mfine.”Ilied.
IhatedRyanwitheveryounceofmybeing,butI’dseenthatpainedlookfromhimtwicebefore,

backwhenweweremarried:Once,whenwewerebeingevictedoutofourfirstapartmentbecausewe
hadn’tpaidtherentinthreemonths.AndagainwhenIwentintolaborwithAshleyandCarolinefour
weeksearly.

It’sdefinitelysomethingserious...
“MissGracen?”Gregsnappedmeoutofmytrance.
“Yes?”
“Mr.Stathamaskedifheneedstocomebynow.”Hewasholdinghisphoneuptohisear.“He

wantstoknowifyouwanttobetakenhomeearlybecauseofthis.”

Ishookmyhead.“No,tellhimI’mokay.I’llgotohisofficeaftermythreeo’clock.”
HenoddedandrepeatedmymessagetoJonathanbeforeleavingmealone.
Sighing,Iwalkedovertomydeskandsankintothechair.Ishookmyhead,hopingthatwould

removeanythoughtsofRyanfrommyhead,butthenIspottedawhiteenvelopeonmydesk.
Somethingthatwasn’ttherebefore.

IgrabbeditandrealizedthatRyanhadprobablyplacedittherebeforehewasescortedout.Iknew

thatIshouldn’topenit,thatIshouldsimplyshreditandgoaboutmyday,butIwascurious:

Claire,
I’vebeensendingyouphotosandletterseveryday,butlastnightIrealizedthatyouprobably

haven’treceivedanyofthem.So,IthoughtIwouldpersonallydropthisoneoff.

I’mnotheretocauseanytroubleinyournewlife—whichseemstobequitewonderfulbytheway...
ImovedheresixmonthsagowithAmandaandIdecidednottotellthegirlssoIcouldhavethe

opportunitytotalktoyouwithoutyoushuttingdownbut...Itseemsasifyou’vealreadydonethat.

Iwouldliketospeakwithyouovercoffee.Youcantellmewhichshop,andIswearI’llonlyusea

fewminutesofyourtime.(DoyouhonestlythinkIwouldbegoingthroughallthistroubleifwhatIhad
tosaywasn’timportant?ITIS.)

Pleasecallmesowecanmeetupwitheach-other.
Yourfirst,
Ryan
PS—Youalwayswerebeautiful,butyoulookfuckingamazingnow:-)
PSS—Iknowapartofyoustilllovesme...

MondaySeptember1,2014

Jonathan

Youcan’thelpwhoyoufallfor...
Atleastthat’swhatIkeeptellingmyself.
IsitdownattheendoftheboardroomtableandtrytolooklikeIwanttobehere.Ijustgotback

fromhavingangrysexwithClaireandI’mstartingtowishI’dstayedwithherfortherestoftheday
—tomakesureshesendsoffthosedamninvitations.

Doesitreallymatterifthey’reivoryorwhite?Iftheyhavelaceaccentsorpearlones?Iftheyhave

fourorfivedifferentpartsontheinside?

I’mbeyondrestlessbecauseshemademestayupallnightsoIcouldhelpherchoosebetween

hundredsofenvelopestyles:“Whitecreamwithnoborder?Whitecreamwithawhiteborder?Or
ivoryandwhitecreamwithaslightlyshadowedborder?”

Shealsospenttwohoursthismorninggoingoverthesealsthatwillbeonthebackofthe

envelope—theplacewherenoonefuckinglooks:“Thewhitesealwillgiveourweddingamore
elegantvibe,butthesilveronesaysthatit’sgoingtobeanupscaleevent.GoldisabittoomuchI
think...Butwait,whatifwewereabletogetthesealspersonalized?Maybewhitesealswithourinitials
insilverandgoldaccents?”

ShehasundoubtedlymasteredtheartofgettingundermyskinbecauseItoldherthatitdidn’t

matter,andthatshebetter(better...)havethoseinvitationssentoffbynoontoday.Butasusual,shehas
tofulfillherweekly‘makeJonathanangry’quotaandwhenIstoppedbyonherlunchbreak,shesaid
shewas“stilldecidingwhat[she]shoulddoabouttheseals.”

“Mr.Statham?”Mynumberonetrustadvisor—Milton,clearshisthroat.“DidyouhearwhatIsaid

aboutmyproposalforanewbenefitspackageforallemployees?”

“Loudandclear.”Ismileandherollshiseyes.
Today’smeetingisaboutspousalbenefitsforStathamIndustriesemployees,butIknowthisisa

thinlyveiledattempttomakemeforceClairetosignapre-nuptialagreement.

MyboardmembersarenervousbecausetheyknowthatthesecondImarryher,she’ll

automaticallybeentitledtoatwentysixpercentshareofStathamIndustries,which—nexttomineis
thelargestshareforanyindividualperson.Theydon’ttrustherbecauseshedidn’tgrowupwitha
silverspooninhermouth,becausetheythinkshe’llturnonmeoncetheinkonourmarriagepapers
dries.

ButIdon’tbelievethatatall.ItrustClairecompletely.
Sure,shetestsmynerveslikenoonehasevertestedthembefore,butshe’sreal—frustratingly

real,andthat’swhatIlovemostabouther.

Chapter7

Jonathan

“DoyouthinkIwon’tfireyoubecauseyou’refamily?”InarrowedmyeyesatHayleyandshook

myhead.She’dbeenshowinguplatetomeetings,turninginsubparwork,andaskingmysecretaryto
coverforheralmosteveryday.

“Ithinkyouwon’tfiremebecauseyourfiancéewon’tletyou.”Shesmiled.
“WhatmakesyouthinkClairehasanycontroloverwhatIdowithmycompany?”
“Becauseshedoes.”Shelaughed.“I’mnotbeinglazy,Mr.Statham.Ipromise.I’mstilladjusting

totheWestCoastandworkinghere...Andtobefair,Iredidallthosereportshoursafteryoumarked
themup.You’rejustbeingextrahardonmebecauseI’myoursisterandyouknowit.”

“Okay.”Ishutmyfolder.“Who’stheguy?”
“Whatguy?”
“Theguythatturnsyouintoablubberingidiotateveryboardmeeting.Theguywhofedyouthat

bullshitlineaboutmebeingextrahardonyou.Iputaneightythousanddollarbonusclauseinyour
contractjustforshowinguptoworkeveryday.I’mprettysurethatmeansI’mbeingthemostlenient
withyou.”

“Didyoujustcallmeablubberingidiot?”
“Youhavefortyeighthourstore-dothatmessofapresentationyougavethismorning.Andsince

youdon’twanttotellmewhothismanis,I’mgoingtofindoutandthenI’mgoingto—”

“Haveafewwordswithhim,i.e.ruinhislife.YoureallyhavetowonderwhyIdon’ttellyouwho

I’mdatinganymore?”

“Soyouaredatingsomeone?”
Shesighedandstoodup.“Isthereanythingelseyouneedfrommetoday?Ihaveathirtypage

presentationtoredopertheCEO’sridiculousrequest.Wordaroundtheofficeisthathe’sanass.”

“He’salsobrilliantandextremelysexy.”
Sherolledhereyesandwalkedoutofmyoffice.
IpickedupmyphonetocallCoreysoIcouldgettothebottomofhersecretlife,butIspotteda

strangeredenvelopeontopofmymailstack.Iputthephonedownandreachedforit,noticingthat
therewasnoreturnaddress—justasimple“ToMr.Statham”writtenacrossthefront.

IsthistheRedBallinviteAngelatoldmeabout?DidIforgettoreserveticketsformeandClaire?
Iopenedtheenvelopeandpulledouttheplainwhitenotecard:
Mr.Statham,
AsamusedasIamaboutyoufeeling“threatened”bymypresenceinSanFrancisco,pleasebe

advisedthatIamalawyerandcanpressnecessarychargesagainstyouforthefollowingcriminal
offenses:Stalking,mailtampering,andbeinganasshole.Well,thatlastoneisn’tnecessarilyan
offense,butassoonasitbecomesone,I’llbesuretoserveyouwiththeproperpapers.

SinceyouseemtoenjoyhijackingmyletterstoClaire,IthoughtI’dsendyouoneofyourownso

youcanfeeljustasspecial.

Enjoyyourday,
RyanHayes
IcrumpledhisletterintoaballandrolledmyeyesasItosseditintothetrashcan.

Ididn’tfeel“threatened”byhimatall.
Annoyed?Absolutely.Irritated?Definitely.
Thefactthathewasalawyerdidn’tmeanshittome.Ihadthedistrictattorney’snumberonspeed

dialandateamofhighprofilelawyersthatwouldmakehisaccomplishmentslooklikeahighschool
student’s.

IreallyhopeIgettoseethismaninpersononeday...SOON...
HispatheticletterstoClairestillcamelikeclockwork,althoughtheywerealotshorternow:“Can

youjoinmeforjustonecupofcoffee?”“Youcan’tgivemefiveminutes?That’sallI’maskingfor,
Claire...”“Iwasonceyourbestfriend...Rememberthat.”

BeforeIcouldcallGregandaskhimiftherewereanynewupdates,Angela’svoicecameoverthe

intercom.

“Mr.Statham?”shecalled.
“Yes,Angela?”
“Yourmotherishere.Areyouavailabletospeaktohertoday?”
Ihesitated.“Sure...”
Ileanedbackinmychairandwatchedasshesteppedintotheroomwithhershouldersslumped.

Forsomereason,shelookedsad—anemotionIwasn’tusedtoseeingfromher.

“Youdon’tlooktoogood.”Iraisedmyeyebrow.“What’swrongwithyou?”
“Besidesthefactthatmyonlydaughterstillwon’tacknowledgemyexistence,andIhavetoask

myson’ssecretaryifIhavepermissiontoseehimeverytimeIshowuptohisoffice?”

Isighed.“Whatdoyouwant?”
“Ium...IwasjustdoingsomeshoppingtodayattheFarmer ’sMarketandI...Iwaswonderingifyou

wantedtojoinmefordinneratmyplacetonight...I’mmakingyourfavorite.”

“Youknowwhatmyfavoritefoodis?”
“Pasta.Chickenalfredowithextrapeppertobeexact.”
“Idon’thaveanymemoriesofyoucookinganythingwhenIwasyounger,soI’mnotsureifI’d

enjoyit.Iappreciatetheoffer,butClaireandIalreadyhaveplansforouranniversary.Besides,
Thursdayisfamilydinnernight.”

“Right...Well,that’s...That’sallIcamebytoask...Thanksfornotturningmeawaytoday.”
“Waitaminute,”Isaidbeforeshecouldturnaway.Ireachedintomydeskandsiftedthrougha

stackofenvelopes.“IspoketoClaireaboutthisand...Shewantsyoutoknowthatshedoesn’tharbor
anyillfeelingsaboutwhatyoudidtoherlastyear.”

“So,youcanofficiallyforgivemeforeverythingnow?”
“No.”Irolledmyeyesandwalkedaroundmydesktohandhertheenvelope.“ButIdowantyouto

cometomywedding.Itwouldbenicetohaveatleastoneofmybirthparentsthere.”

Hereyeslitupandsheranherfingersacrosstheengraved“S”thatsatontheedgeoftheflap.

Thensheslowlypulledtheinvitationoutandstoodstill,silentlyreadingittoherself.

Iexpectedhertosaysomethingnegativeorask“howmuch”we’dspentontheinvitations,butshe

leanedforwardandhuggedme.Hard.

“I’msorryIwassoterribletoyouwhenyouweregrowingup,Jonathan...”Shecried.“Ireally

reallyam...Iknowitdoesn’tmeanmuchtoyou,butI’mveryproudofallyou’vedonewithyourlife
despitethefuckedupstartyougot...AndI’mgladyou’regettingmarried.I’veneverseenyouthis
happybefore...”

Ilookeddownintohertearyeyes,tryingnottogetsuckedintoherworn-outapologies.
Shehuggedmeonelasttimeandsteppedback,pullingasmallblueboxoutofherjacket.“Ileda

rehabsessionyesterdayandallthewomenweretalkingabouthowmuchtheymissedcelebratingtheir
kids’birthdayswhentheywereyounger.”

“Stopit.”
“No...IknowI’vemissedallofyourbirthdaysandimportantmilestones,but...Here.”Shepressed

theboxintomyhandandrushedoutofmyofficewithoutlookingback.

Isettheboxonmydeskandstaredatit,unsureofwhattodo.Iwashonestlytemptedtothrowit

awayandforgetthatshe’deverstoppedby.Yet,asmuchasIloathedherforthingsshe’ddoneinthe
past,Icouldn’tdenythatshewastryingtomakethingsright.

Islowlyunwrappedthelightblueboxandhesitatedbeforeflippingoffthetop:AsilverAudemar

Piguetwatchandasmall,handwrittennote:

Jonathan,
I’vebeenaterriblemothertoyouthroughoutyourlife—evenmoreterribleforwhatIdidtoyour

fiancéelastyear...IwantyoutoknowthatI’mfullyawareofthemistakesI’vemadeandifyoueverlet
mebackintoyourlifeIwon’tmakethesamemistakesagain...Inthegrandschemeofthings,Idon’t
havemuchtimelefttomakethingsright,butI’llbegratefulforanysecondsyouchoosetosharewith
mefromthispointon...

YoudeservedsomuchmorethanwhatIgaveyou,
Mom
Ugh...
Ifeltthatsoftspotinmyheartmelting,thatspotthatwouldn’tletmegiveuponthiswoman,no

matterhowmanytimesshefuckedthingsup.

Irushedontomyprivateelevatorandrodeitdowntotheparkinglot.Iheadedovertohercarand

heldthedooropenbeforeshecouldshutit.

“Wouldyoubeopposedtomakingthepastaatmyhousetonight?”Isighed.“Wecanmakeit

together.”

Mymomlookedaroundmykitchen,runningherfingersagainstthegranitecountertops.“Youhavea
verynicehome,Jonathan.Itsuitsyouwell...”

“Thankyou.”Ipouredatallglassofwineandhandedittoher.“Areyouallowedtodrinkalcohol

yet?”

Sheshookherhead.
“Mymistake.”Isettheglassdownandwalkedovertotherefrigerator.“Cranberry,orange,or

apple?”

“Cranberry.”
“I’llhavethesamethen.”Ifixedtwoglassesandsatacrossfromheratthebreakfastbar.
Forthepasthourandahalfwe’dtradedrecipesandmadeahugepotofchickenalfredo.There

wereonly“Oh,Ialwaysputextracheeseonthenoodlesoncethey’redoneboiling,”and“Ineveruse
pre-packagedgarlic”sentencesbetweenus.Nothingpersonal.

Wheneverthoseemptywordsweren’tbeingspoken,therewasnothingbutanawkwardsilence

hangingintheairbetweenus,asilencethatrevealedwestillweren’tcomfortablewitheachother.

Itookasipofmyjuiceanddecidedtogiveitatry.“Howareyoulikingyournewjobatthe

departmentstore?You’reworkingatSaksFifthAvenuenow,right?”

“Oh,no.Iquitthataftermyfirstday.”Shelaughed.
“What?Why?”
“Itwasn’tmyscene—toomanyfashiontrendstokeepupwitheveryweek.Iworkatasalonnow.I

domake-upandeyebrowwaxing.”

“Youenjoythat?”
“Alot.”Shesmiled.“IknowIdon’tneedthemoneybutI’mreallyreallygoodatitandIlove

seeingthereactionaftersomeone’sbeenmadeover...”Herbrightsmiledimmed.“Claire’snot
comingtodinnerbecauseI’mhere,right?”

Ilookedatmywatch.“Actually,sheshouldbehomeanyminute.Herassistantsaidshewas

runninglate.Ididn’tgetachancetotellheryouwerecoming.”

“Oh...Well,great.Feelfreetotellherthatmypastaistentimesbetterthanyourswhenshegets

here.”

Irolledmyeyesandlaughed.“Becauseyouuseoregano?”
“Becauseitjusttastesbetterandyouknowit.”
Ididknowit,andI’dwrittendowneverythingsheusedsoIcouldcopyitfornexttime.
SinceClairestillwasn’thomeanhourlater,IaskedmymomtomakeanotherbatchsoIcould

haveitflowntoArizonaforAshleyandCaroline.AssheandIcontinuedtotalk,Irealizedthatforthe
firsttimeinmylife,Iactuallyenjoyedbeingaroundher—evenifweonlydiscussedthesimplethings.

“Thanksforhavingmeover,Jonathan.Thisreallymeantalottome.”Shestoodinfrontofher

carintears.“Ihopethiswasn’tthelasttime...”

Isteppedforwardandhuggedher.“Itwasn’t.I’llseeyouintherapynextweek.”
Shenoddedandslippedinsidethecar,andIwaitedforhertomakeitdownthelongdriveway

beforeIwentinside.

IwasputtingawaytheleftoverpastawhenIhappenedtolookupattheglassclockthathungonthe

wall.

Thathastobeamistake...Didweneverresetit?
Ipulledmyphoneouttodoublecheckandrealizedthatourclockwasabsolutelyright.
Clairewastestingme.Again.

Chapter8

Claire

Ipulledintoourgarageatninethirty.Ihadnoideamylastconsultationwouldtakethreehours,

andnoideathatthesecondsetofflowersthatarrivedatmyofficethisafternoonhadbeensentby
Ryan.

Itwasn’tuntilIwasclosingthatI’dnoticedasmallpinknotecardhangingfromthestemsand

realizedthatI’dplacedhisbouquetsalloverthestorewithJonathan’s.BeforeIleft,I’dmadesureto
tosseverylastoneofhisrosesintothedumpsterandflushhisnotedownthetoilet.Still,Icouldn’t
forgetwhatitread:“DoIhavetosendyouflowerseverydaylikeyourbillionairefiancéedoesjustto
getyourattention?YouWILLtalktome,Claire...—Ryan.”

Ishudderedjustthinkingabouthim.Heliterallymademyskincrawl.
IscrolledthroughmyphoneandsawthatJonathanhadsentmeseveraltextswhileIwasdriving

home:‘Whereareyou?’‘Claire,callme...’‘Icalledyourofficeanhouragobutyouweren’tthere.
Areyouokay?’‘Whyaren’tyouansweringyourphone?’

TodaywasaThursday—afamilydinnernightandouranniversary.He’dbeentalkingaboutitall

week,makinglovetomeeverynightforhours,andtellingmehowhappyhewasthatwe’dbeen
togethersolong.

Icalledhim.Noanswer.
Itextedhim‘Areyouathome?’Noanswer.
Islippedoutofthecarandlookeddownthepathwhereheparkedhiscollection,noticingthathis

AstonMartinwasmissing.

Good...
IfiguredthatmeanthewasgoneandIstillhadtimetosetupeverything.Iheadedintothehouse

andintothediningroom,determinedtolightafewcandlesandpreparesomechampagneforus.But
whenIhitthelightswitchnothinghappened.

Iflickeditupanddowntwomoretimesandtherewasnoeffect.Thentheysuddenlybrightened

anddimmed.

“Goodevening,dear.”Jonathanwassittingattheendofthetable,smiling.“It’sgoodtoknowthat

youcamehomeatsixtodaylikeyoupromised...Iwasbeginningtothinkyou’dforgottenour
anniversary.”

“Yousentmeahundredflowerstoday.HowcouldIforget?”Ilookedaroundtheroomand

noticedthathe’dsetoutchampagneandalargetrayofstrawberriesthatweredrenchedinchocolate.

Thereweretallredcandleswaitingtobelit,andrightinfrontofme—onmysideofthetable,

wasasilverboxwithmynameonit.

Hestoodupfromhischairandwalkedovertome,holdingmestillwithhisgaze.“Youknow

whatIlovemostaboutyou,Claire?”

“There’sonlyonething?”
“There’sseveral.”Hesteppedbehindmeandkissedthebackofmyneck,settingmyskinonfire.

“ButtheonethingIlovemostaboutyou,isthatyouaresosweetlystubborn.Youcanneverstickto
whatweagreeon.Idon’teventhinkyoutryanymore.”

“Ninethirtyisextremelylateisn’tit?Canyoubelievesomepeopleactuallycomehomeafterthat?

Iwonderhowtheylivewiththemselves...”

“You’retheonewhosuggestedsixo’clock.”Hepulledoutmychairandmovedinfrontofme.

“Haveaseat.”Hisvoicewasfirm.

“Areyoutryingtointimidateme,Jonathan?Onouranniversary?”
“Haveaseat,Claire.”
Inarrowedmyeyesandcrossedmyarms,waitingforhimtostoplookingatmelikehewantedto

bendmeover.“I’mnotintimidatedbyyourightnow.”

Hesmiledandpressedhislipsagainstmine.“Youshouldbe.”
MyeyeswidenedandIsankdownintomychair.
Iwatchedhimlightthetallcandlesthatwerespreadaroundtheroom,watchedhimgrabthe

champagnebottleandglassesandbringthemovertome.

Hekepthiseyesonmineashepoppedthebottleopenandpouredeachofusaglass.
“Tothestubbornloveofmylife.”Heleanedagainstthetableandplacedaglassinmyhand.“Next

yearwe’llbecelebratingourweddinganniversary,butfornow,cheersto—”

“ThefirstdaywesaidIloveyou,”Iwhispered.
Hekissedmycheekandmotionedformetofinishmyglass,smilingashedrankeverydrop.
“Imadedinner.”Heleanedforwardandkissedmycheekagain.“Wouldyouliketoeatnow?”
“There’sanotheroption?”
“There’salwaysanotheroption.”Hereachedformyhandandpulledmeoutofthechair.“Butfor

yoursake,Ithinkyoushouldeatfirst.”

“Jonathan...”Icouldn’treadhimtonight.Therewassomethinggoingoninhismind—something

Idesperatelywantedtoknow.I’dtoldmyselftokeepittogetheronmywayhome,buthe’dmademe
wetassoonashehitthelights.

“Yes,Claire?Wereyougoingtosaysomething?”
“Right.Ium—Ineedtochangeclothesbeforeweeat.I’llberightback.”
“You’reathome.Justtakeoffyourrainjacket.Youwon’tneedyourclothesfortoomuchlonger

anyway.”

Isteppedback.“Ijustwanttogetcomfortable.It’llonlytakemetenseconds.”Itriedtowalkpast

him,buthegrabbedmebymywaistandpulledthejacketoffofme,droppinghisjawonceithitthe
floor.

Icouldliterallyfeelhiseyestakinginmyscantilyclothedbody,feelhimtryingtoholdbackhis

shock.

Heputhishandsonmyshoulders,lookingmeupanddown.Thenhesuckedinabreathand

narrowedhiseyesatme.“Pleasetellmeyoutookoffyourrealclothesinthegarageandnooneelse
sawyouwearingthistoday.”

Isighed.Iwaswearinganall-blacklingerieset—abrathatwasnearlysee-throughandlacestring

pantiesthathadasilkbowoneachside.Thesetalsohadgartersandfishnetstockingsthatfeatureda
thin,silkseamthattraveledupthebackofmylegsandcomplementedmyshinyredstilettos.

“Claire?”Hewasreallytryingtocontrolhimself.“Ineedyoutoanswerme.Rightnow.”
“It’snotwhatyouthink.”
“Itbetternotbe.”Helookedmeupanddownagain.“Someonedidseeyouinthistoday?”
“Yes,but—”
“Who?”
“Myinstructor.I’vebeen...I’vebeentakinglessons.”
“Onhowtocheat?”
“No...Danceclasses—eroticdanceclasses...”

Heblinked.
“ItwasHelen’sidea.ShesaiditwouldhelpmebemoreaggressiveintellingyouwhatIwant...”
Hewassilentforawhile,andthenhislipscurvedintoaslightsmile.“Howlonghaveyoubeen

takingthem?”

“Fourmonths...Iwasgoingtoshowyoulater.”
“Showmewhat?”
Iblushed.EventhoughheandIhadbeenintimate—beyondintimate,hestillhadthepowerto

makemenervouswheneverwediscussedsexoutsideofhavingsex.

“Youwanttodanceforme?”Hetwirledhisfingersaroundmyponytail.
“Afterdinner...Ineedtochange.”
“Idon’tthinkso.”Heclaspedmyhandandtuggedmeintotheparlorroom.
Therewasasmallfirecracklinginthefireplaceandthelightsweredimmedevenlower.
“WhereshouldIsit?”Helookeddownatme,grinning.
“Areyoulaughingatme?”
“Ofcoursenot.”Hekissedme.“I’minawe.Tellmewheretosit.”
“Overthere...”Ipointedtotheburgundychairthatwasinthecorner.
Hewalkedovertoit,stillholdingmyhand.“AmIallowedtotouchyouwhileyoudance?”
Ishookmyhead.
“I’mgoingtoanyway.”
Iletgoofhishandandsteppedback.“Givemeyourphone.”
HehandedittomeandIenteredthepass-code,smilingwhenIsawthathe’dchangedthe

wallpapertoanotherphotoofus.

Iloggedintomyemailandfoundmyperformancesong,theonetheinstructorsaidwouldwork

best.

Itookmytimeunfasteninghistieandplaceditaroundmyneck.Islowlyundidthebuttonsofhis

shirt,movingmyheadawayeachtimehetriedtokissme.

OnceIgothimoutofhisshirt,Islidmyarmsintoit,re-buttoningeverybutton,tryingtoignore

theheatedlookshewasgivingme—thelooksthatmademewanttostopandlethimfuckmeright
now.

HesighedandIranmyhandsalloverhishardenedabs—teasinghim,pressingmymouthagainst

eachpec.

“Claire...”Hepulledmeintohislap,whereIcouldfeelhisdickhardeninginhispants.Hecupped

myfaceinhishandsandbroughtmyfaceclosetohisforakiss,butImovedback.

“You’renotallowedtotouchme...”Ipressedmyfingeragainsthislipsandlookedintohiseyes.

“You’renotallowedtotalktomeeither.Allyoucandoissitthereandwatch.”Iranmyhandagainst
thehugebulgeinhispants.“AndwhenIgetdone,Imightletyoufuckme.”

Hesmiledandsatbackinhischairwithhiseyebrowraised,alreadyfuckingmewithhiseyes.

Chapter9

Jonathan

IwatchedasClairesteppedawayfromme,asshepulledthebandfromaroundherponytailand

tossedherhairback.

Withinseconds,thesongshe’dselectedbegantoplayandsoft,vibratingbasssoundsfilledthe

room.

Sheslowlyliftedmytieoverherheadandseductivelymovedherhips.Thenshebroughtthetiein

frontofherchest,twistingitbetweenherhands,keepinghereyeslockedonmine.

Shestruckthefloorwithit,bitingherlip.“Isithardforyoutoletmebeincontrolfora

change?”

“You’renotincontrol.”Ismiled.
Sheputahandonherhipandstruttedovertome,leaningforwardandwhisperinginmyear.

“Thatquestionwasrhetorical,Jonathan...DoIneedtogetyouadictionarysoyoucanlearnwhatthat
wordmeans?”

Ireachedouttobendherovermylap,butshemovedbehindmeandstartedmassagingmy

shoulders—blowingkissesagainstmyneckasherhandsfoundtheirwaydowntomychest.

JustasIwasstartingtogetusedtohersoftrhythm,shemovedherhandsawayandsashayed

aroundme,slowlyunbuttoningthewhitedressshirt.

Whenshereachedthelastbutton,sheplayfullyopenedtheshirttoshowofftheblack‘fuck-me’

lingerie,thenshecloseditagain.Sherepeatedthisatleastsixtimes,untilshefinallyslidtheshirtoff
herbodyandtosseditacrosstheroom.

Asthesongreachedthesecondverse,shedroppeddowntothefloor,andstretchedherlegsupto

theceiling,spreadingthemintoawide“V.”Thenshebroughtherlegstogetheragainandbentthem,
bringingthemclosetoherchestbeforesheflippedherwholebodyover.

Seductivelysmiling,shesatuponherkneesandranherhandsacrossherbreasts—squeezing

themandshuttinghereyes.

Iwastryingmyhardestnottogetupandgrabher,desperatelytryingtokeepmyhandsatmy

sidesasshecontinuedtosmirkatmeandmoveacrossthefloor.

“Somethingwrong,Jonathan?”Shestoodupanddraggedoneofthebar ’schairsafewfeetacross

fromme.“You’renotusuallythisquiet...”Shesatonthechairwithherbackfacingmeandrolledher
headaround,tossingherhairallover.Thenshebentallthewaybackwards,usingherhandstobrace
thefloor,andbeforeIknewitshe’dflippedoverandwascrawlingupintomylap.

Icaressedherhipswithmyhands,butshegrabbedthemandmovedthemawayasshestartedto

grindherhipsagainstme—purposelyrollingagainstmydick.

“Ithoughtaboutyoutodayatwork...”shewhisperedintomyear.
Iwaslosingit.Shewastoofuckinggoodatthis.
Sheleanedbackandspreadherlegswider.“Ithoughttomyself—Iwonderhowhe’llfuckme

afterI’mdone...Willitbewithhimontop?”Shemoanedasshegyratedagainstmeevenharder.
“Againstthewall?Inhislap?”

I’mgoingtofuckyoulikeyou’veneverbeenfuckedbefore...

Shebroughtherlipsclosetominelikeshewasgoingtokissme,butshequicklymovedawayand

stoodup,walkingovertothewall.

Shepressedherbackagainstitandstretchedherarmsuphigh,twistingandturningherhipstothe

beat,knowingdamnwellshewasgettingtome.

Ileanedforwardandreachedoutforher,butshekickedmyhandaway.
“I’mnotfinished.”Shenarrowedhereyesatmeandturnedaround,bendingoversoherasswas

inmyface.

Ican’ttakethisshitanymore...
Istoodupandpulledheragainstme,butshebrokefreeandpushedmebackdownintomychair.

BeforeIcouldtellherthatthisdancewasoverandpushherupagainstthebar,shebentdownbetween
mylegsandunzippedmypants.

Thesongwasrepeatingitselfforthethirdtime,butshedidn’tmakeamovetochangeit.She

simplyunzippedmypantsandremovedthembeforepullingsomethingoutofherbra—abottleof
sometype.Shepouredwhateveritwasallovermydickandrubbedherhandsalloverit,makingme
shutmyeyesandgroan.

ThenextthingIfeltwereherwetlipstouchingmytip,hersofttongueslowlyswirlingaround.
“God,Claire...”Iranmyfingersthroughherhairasshetookmedeeperanddeeperintoher

mouth,asshebroughtmetothevergeofaclimax.

BeforeIcouldcum,Ipulledherupandlookedintohereyes,incompleteandtotalfuckingawe.
Kissingherlips,Ipickedherupandcarriedhertotheothersideoftheroom.
Ilaidheracrossthebarandspreadherlegsapart,tearingherlacepantiesoff.
ShemoanedasIpressedkissesupanddownherthighs,asIgrabbedherbytheanklesandtossed

herlegsovermyshoulders.

Beforeshecouldtakeanotherbreath,Igentlysuckedherclitintomymouthandranmytongue

alongherfolds,teasingherwitheverylick.

“Ahhh...Ahhh...Jonathannn...”Shewassquirming,tryingtositup,butIpushedherbackdown.
IkissedherswollenwetlipslikeIwaskissinghermouth—pushingmytonguefurtherandfurther,

rollingitaroundrelentlessly.Eachtimeshescreamed,Icaressedherclitwithsofterkisses,never
movingmymouthawayfromher.

Herhipsstartedtoshakeandshestartedbreathingheavily,sayingmynameasshegotcloserand

closertoherorgasm.

Ifeltherlegstrembling—quivering,andIknewshewassecondsawayfromcomingsoIlifted

myheadupandsteppedback.

Smiling,Ijoinedherontopofthebar ’scounterandsnappedherbraoff.
Shesatupandlookedatmeinconfusion.“Why...Whydidyou...Whydidyoustop?”Shepanted.
Iblinkedandspunheraround,positioningheronallfours.Iskimmedmyhandsagainsthersides

andpulledherhairback.ThenIpoundedintoherwithnomercy,listeningtothecriesofpleasurethat
werecomingfromhermouth.

“Fuckkkkk....Jonathannnn...”
“Youaresofuckingsexy,Claire...”IkissedthebackofhershoulderandItuggedonherhaireven

harder.“Andmine...”

Imovedmyhandstoherbreastsandsqueezedthem,harshlytwistinghernipplesasIpoundedinto

heragainandagain.

Shescreamedlouderandstartedtoslumpforward—nearlycollapsing,soIdrewbackandflipped

herover.

Islidintoheragainandgazedintohereyes.“Iloveyou...”Ifelthertighteningaroundmeasshe

reachedupandwrappedherarmsaroundmyneck.

“Sayitback.”Islowlythrustinandoutofher,watchingasshestartedtolosecontrol.“Sayit

back,Claire.”

“I...Ilove...Iloveyoutoo...”Shecriedoutandheldontomeaswecameatthesametime.
Herchestwasheavingfastandshewasbreathingheavily.
Ileaneddownandpressedmylipsagainsthers,mufflingmostofhermurmurs.Ikissedevery

inchofherfaceandplacedalong,warmkissagainstherneck.

Whenherbreathingfinallysloweddown,Islidoutofherandpulledherintomylap.
“Areyouokay?”Ibrushedherdamphairawayfromherforehead.
Shenodded.
“Youshould’vetoldmeyouweretakingclasses.Iwouldn’thavebeenupsetaboutyoucoming

homelatebecauseofthat.”

“I...Iwantedtosurpriseyou...Didyoulikeit?”
“Ilovedit...”Ikissedherlipsagainandpositionedherinmylap.“AndI’mgoingtolovefucking

youineverypositionyoumentionedfortherestofthenight.”

Iwokeupaloneandrolledoverinbed,reachingforClaire,butshe’ddisappeared.JustasIwasabout
togetupandlookforher,shewalkedintotheroomholdingabreakfasttray.

“Areyouevergoingtotellmehowbreakfastisalwaysmagicallyfixedandwaitingforusevery

morning?”Shesetthetrayonthenightstand.

“No.”
“Youhaveacontractwithacatererdon’tyou?”Shepickedupapieceoftoast.“That’swhyyou

nevercookbreakfast—onlylunchanddinner...”

“Wasthatsupposedtobeaquestion?”
“Doyouplanonansweringit?”
Ipulledherbackintothebedandkissedherlips.“I’lltellyouoneday.”
Shetriedtogetup,butIpinnedherdownandkissedmywaytoherneck.
“Wait...Weneedtotalk...”shemurmured.
“Aboutwhat?”Icontinuedkissingher.
“I’mgettingmytubesuntiednextweek.Iwanttotryandhaveanotherbaby—yourbaby.”
“Excuseme?”Isatupandnarrowedmyeyesather.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
Sheburstintolaughter.“Iwantedtomakesureyouwerepayingattention.Itwasajoke.”
“Pleasedon’ttellanotherone.”
Sheproppedherheadonapillow.“Idon’twanttohavesexagainuntilafterwe’remarried.Iwas

thinkingaboutittheotherdayand...”

Mymindhadn’tprocessedanythingbeyondthatfirstsentence.
Isawherlipsmoving,caughtafewmoreofherwords—“intimate”“special”“genuine”—butthat

firstsentencehadblownmymind.

“Whatdoyouthink?”wasthenextthingIheardhersay.
“WhatdoIthinkaboutwhat?”
“Aboutbeingabstinentuntilwegetmarried.”
“It’snothappening.”
“Whynot?”
“Becauseitdoesn’tmakeanydamnsense.BecauseIdidn’taskyoutobemywifesoIcouldnot

fuckyou.It’s.Not.Happening.”

Shesighed.“Iwantourfirsttimeasamarriedcoupletobespecial...”
“Itwillbespecial.”Iranmyhandacrossherthigh.“Veryspecial.”

“Iwantittobelikeourfirsttime...”
“Ifuckedyouinakitchenourfirsttime.Whatareyousaying,Claire?”
“YouknowexactlywhatI’msaying.”Shesatupandkissedme.Thenshespokeveryslowly.“I

don’twanttohavesexagainuntilwe’reactuallymarried.Ithinkit’llbegoodforus—it’lltestour
commitmenttooneanother.”

Iwassilent.Shocked.
Aftertheamazingnightwe’dhad,Icouldn’tbelieveshewassayingthesewordstome,thatshe

wasevenaskingmetodosomethinglikethis.

Ishookmyhead.“Ican’t...”
“Youcan’toryouwon’t?”
“Both.”
“Jonathan...”
Ipulledherintomyarms,closeenoughthatwewereliptolipandoureyeswereperfectly

aligned.“I’maddictedtoyou,Claire,”Iwhisperedagainsthermouth.“Fuckingaddicted.Notone
secondgoesbythatyou’renotonmymind.Not.One.Second.Whendealsarecomingacrossmy
desk,I’mwonderinghowyourdayisgoingatyourshop,wonderingifyou’lllaughorsmileatthe
noteIsentwithyourflowers.Youhavenoideahowharditisformetostayinmyofficewhenyou
textmeaboutgoingonyourlunchbreak,noideahowmuchIhavetorestrainmyselfwhenyou’re
nothomebysixandhostinganotherlatenightmeeting.”

ShesuckedinabreathandIranmyfingersthroughherhair,whisperingagain.“Igothrough

withdrawaleverytimewegoourseparatewaysbecausebeingwithoutyouforonesecondisdamn
nearunbearable.So,ifI’mbeingcompletelyfuckinghonestaboutwhatyou’reaskingmetodo—I
can’t.”

Therewasathicksilencehangingintheairbetweenus,andbeforesheopenedhermouthtobreak

it,Iknewexactlywhatshewasgoingtosay.

“Itwouldmakemehappyifyouwoulddothisforme—ifyouwouldatleasttry...I’vebeen

thinkingaboutitforawhileandit’ssomethingIreallywantustodo...”

“Claire...”Ishookmyheadandsighed,wishingIcouldfindtheassholewho’dfilledherheadwith

thisnonsense.“IfIagreetothis,ifIfullycommittothisabsolutelyridiculousidea,Iwantyouto
knowthatIwillnotgiveinuntilafterwe’remarried.”

“I’msoveryhonored.”
“Nomatterhowmuchyoubeg—andyouwillbegbecauseIknowyoubetterthanyouknow

yourself,Iwillnothavesexwithyouuntilafterwe’vesaidIdo.”

“Thankyouverymuch.”Shesmiledandkissedme,andIhadtopreventmyselffrompullingher

intomylap.

“Sincewe’regoingtohaveaprettyboringafternoon...”Ipickedasilverboxupfromthe

nightstandandhandedittoher.“Youdidn’tgetachancetoopenyouranniversarypresentyesterday.”

“Youdidn’tgettherestofyourseither.”Shepointedtoastrangewhitepatchonherleftfoot.

“Peelthisoff.”

Iraisedmyeyebrowandslowlypeeledbacktwolayersofgauzeandtape.Therewasnothing

underneathit,nothingbut—Istopped.

“Ihadmyfreedomdatetattooremoved.I’vebeengettingpiecesofitetchedawayformonths...”

shewhispered.“Idon’twantanypartofmypastinourfuture...”

Ilookedatherbarefoot,runningmyfingersagainstwhereherdivorcedateusedtobe.ThenI

lookedintohereyes,notsayinganything—hopingshecouldsimplyseehowmuchthatmeanttome.

Sighing,Ipulledhercloser.“Openthebox.”

Shesmiledandgentlypulledatthesilverribbon,purposelytakinghertime.Thenshepoppedthe

topoffandreadthesmallhandwrittennotealoud:“IlovedyouthefirsttimeIsawyou,Ilovedyou
thefirsttimeImetyou,andI’llloveyoufortherestofmylife—Jonathan...”

Sheranherfingeragainstthosewordsafewmoretimes,andgaspedasshepulledthesparkling

silvernecklaceoutofthebox.

I’dthoughtlongandhardaboutwhattogetherforourfirstanniversarysincewe’dcomesofar

fromwhereweusedtobe:Shenolongerquestionedouragedifferenceorhadanyhesitationabout
otherpeopleknowingshewasmine.Infact,shewasthehappiestI’deverseenherandshetalked
aboutour“forever”morethanIdid.

“Howmuchdidyoupayforthis?”shewhispered.
“Itdoesn’tmatter.You’remorethanworthit.”Itookthenecklacefromherhands—aglittering

diamondstrandwithaninfiniticharmandtheword“love”etchedwithinitsloops.“I’maddingthe
samecharmtoyourothernecklacenextweek.Iwanttoaddanewonetoiteveryyear.”

Shesmiled,andthensheshookherhead.“Ineversaiditbackthatday,Jonathan...Whyisthisour

anniversarywhenIneversaiditback?”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Thefirstdayyoutoldmethatyoulovedmelastyear—whenwewereintheJacuzzitogether,I

neversaid‘Iloveyou’back...Ididn’ttellyouuntilmonthslateratthatconference...”

Isighedandpulledherclose.“Yousaiditinyoursleepthatnight.Morethanonce...Yousayitin

yoursleepnow...”

Sheblushed.
“Whereareyourfriendstakingyouforyourbacheloretteparty?IsthereareasonIdidn’tgetan

invite?”

“Becauseyou’renotinvited.”Shelaughed.“Theyhaven’ttoldmewhere,butI’mprettysurewe’re

goingtoVegas.Helenkeepstalkingaboutgettinglucky.Where’syours?”

“Vegas.”
“Thatdoesn’tmeanyou’llbeseeingmewhileyou’rethere.”
“I’mprettysureitdoes.”Ismiled.“Howlongwillyoubegone?”
“Aweek.Ihavetomeetthemattheairporttonight.”
“You’reflyingonacommercialplane?Withotherpassengersthatyoudon’tknow?”
Shenodded.
“Interesting.”Ipushedherdownontothebed.“Well,sincewecan’thavesexanymore,there’sone

thingIneedtodotoyoubeforeyouleave...”

Chapter10

Claire

Iwassittinginthebackofthetowncar,smilingandrunningmyfingersacrossmynewest

necklace.AllIcouldthinkaboutwaslastnight—thewayJonathanlookedatmewhileIwasdancing,
thewayhekissedmeonceIwasfinished.

“Isthereareasonyou’vebeenholdingthatsmileforhalfanhour?”Helenraisedhereyebrow.
“Whatsmile?”
“The‘I’vebeenthoroughly-well-fucked’smile.”Sherolledhereyes.“Iknowitalltoowell.And

arethosefuckinghickeys?”Sheleanedoverandtouchedthebrightredmarksonmyneck.

“Hickeys?”
“Thatassholemarkedyouonpurposedidn’the?Becauseyou’regoingawayforaweekandhe

wantseverymantoknowyou’reunavailable,right?He’ssoridiculous!”

Ilaughedandlookedoutthewindowasweapproachedtheairstrip—readingthehugepinkbanner

thatwasdrapedacrosstheentrywayoftheplane:“Claire’sLastWeekendofFreedom”

Helentoldmethatshe’doriginallyboughtfirstclassticketsfortheflight,butJonathanhadcalled

herhoursagoandinsistedthatweusehisjet.

“Doyouhaveyourpassport,Claire?”HelenlookedatmeasGregopenedthebackdoor.
“WhywouldIneedmypassport?”
“Becausewe’regoingoutofthecountryandyouneedapassporttogetinandoutofthestates.

Pleasetellmeyouhaveit.”

“Outofthecountry?IthoughtweweregoingtoVegas.”
“Vegas?Seriously,Claire?Iwenttherelastyear—beenthere,donethat.We’regoingtoCosta

Rica!”

“What?!”
“WhydoyouthinkI’vebeenmakingsuchahugedealaboutthis?Iwantyoutoexperience

ultimatebliss.Let’sgo.”Shetuggedmetowardstheplane.

“ButItoldJonathanweweregoingtoVegas.”
“You’renotsupposedtotellJonathananything.Thisisabacheloretteparty,Claire.Whatever

happensinCostaRica,staysinCostaRica—unlesshehasanAmericanVISAandIwanttobringhim
backforaweekortwo.”Shewinkedandgesturedformetogetontheplane.

Isteppedaboardandtookadeepbreath,squeezingmywaypasttwocartsofalcohol.Onthevery

firstseatwasahugebouquetofwhiteliliesandacard:

DearFutureWife&ExoticDancer,

I’mnotthrilledaboutthenextfewweeksoftorture,butIdohopethatyouenjoyyourbachelorette

party.(Justnottoomuch.)I’llbeinthepenthousesuiteatCaesar’sPalaceinVegasthisweekifyou

needanything.

YourFutureHusband&AwedFan,

Jonathan

PS—Iloveyou.

Ismiledandnoticedthattherewassomethingelseintheenvelope—asmallpacketwithfourred

pillsandanothernote:“Tohelpyousleeponthewaythereandback—Jonathan”

“Welcomeaboard,ladies!”IheardHelensayashighpitchedlaughterfilledthecabin.
IturnedaroundandfoundmyselffacetofacewithHelen’sothersetofbestfriends—Kimberly

andBobbieJo.Theylookedlikethey’dsteppedrightoutofamagazine—perfectmakeupandhairas
usual,whichwasfittingsincetheywerebothformersupermodels.

She’dmetthetwoofthemyearsbeforeshemetme,andshealwaysbraggedabouthowshehelped

themtosueMaybellineformillionsofdollars.

IstillrememberedthefirsttimeI’dmetthem,thetimetheydaredmetodoabodyshotwitha

completestrangerandencouragedmeto“gentlybrushupagainsthisdick...justtoseeifit’sasbigas
itlooks...”They’dclaimedthatthatwassteponetogettingoverRyan,steponeinshowinghimwho
wasbetteroff.

Ican’tbeleftalonewiththethreeofthemforAWEEK...WherethehellisSandra?!
“Niceseeingyouagain,ladies.I’llberightback.”Ismiledandslippedawaytotherestroom.I

immediatelypulledoutmyphoneandcalledSandra.

Itrangsixtimesbeforeshepickedup.
“Hello?”Shewaswhispering.
“Areyouonyourwaytotheairstrip?Theflightleavesinthirtyminutes.”
“Ohhhh,no.Iamsosorry,Claire...”
“You’renotcomingtomybacheloretteparty?Areyouserious?”
“Itwasn’tintentional.Iwaspackedandreadytogothismorningbut...I’mengagednow!”She

squealed.“Michaelpoppedthequestionandhe’stakingmetoFrancetomorrow!Canyoubelieve
that?”Therewasaman’svoiceinthebackground.“Wait,wait.It’sClaire.Givemetenmore
seconds.”

“Tenmoreseconds?”
“Ireallyamsorry,Claire.I’llmakethisuptoyou,Ipromise.I’lltakeyououtfordrinksanda

nightonthetownthesecondIgetback.”

“Youcan’tleavemewithHelenandherfriends...It’soneortheother—Ican’tdealwithallof

them.”

“They’reyourfriendstoo,Claire.”Shewasrollinghereyes—Icouldtell.“Maybehangingout

withthemmoreoftenwillstopyoufrombeingsouptight.”

“YouthinkI’muptight?”
Thelinewentdead.
Ugh...Ishookmyheadandthedooropened.
“Phonesex?”BobbieJosteppedinsideandflippedherlong,honeycoloredtressesoverher

shoulder.“Isthatwhatyou’redoing?”

“Thedoorwasclosed,BobbieJo.”
Sheshrugged.“Iusedtohavephonesexallthetime—backwhenIwasdoingshowsoverseasand

noonearoundmespokeanyEnglish.IwouldcallhomejustsoIcouldgetfuckedoverthephone.”

“Iwasn’thavingphonesex.IwastalkingtoSandra.”
“Noneedtoexplain.IfIwasengagedtoJonathanStatham,IwouldhavesexwithhimanywayI

could—anytimeIcould.Ibethefuckslikeachampion.”

Oh,god...
“Claire?BobbieJo?!”Helencalledoutfromthecabin.“We’reabouttotakethefirstshotsofthe

night!”

IstoodupandfollowedBobbieJooutoftherestroom,silentlyremindingmyselfthatthistripwas

onlyaweekandthateventhoughtheywereallwild,Iwouldn’tletthemtalkmeintodoinganything
thatwouldmakeJonathanupset.

“Hereyougo,Claire.”Kimhandedmetwoshotglasses.“YoulookalothappiersinceIsawyou

lastyear.You’reglowing.”

“Thankyou.”
“IfIwashavingsexwithabillionaireeverydayI’dprobablybeglowingtoo...”Helenpickedupa

bottleofvodkaandfilledourglasses.“Speakingofwhich,ishisfriendCoreysingle?”

Irolledmyeyesandtossedbackbothshots.IhadthesuddenfeelingIwasgoingtoneedtobe

drunkallweekend.

Helenquicklyrefilledmyglassesbeforeholdingherowndrinksuphigh.“Tomenwithhuge

dicks,never-endingsex,andtoClaire’slastdaysasasinglewoman!”

Wealllaughedandtossedbackthedrinkssecondsbeforetheflightattendantaskedustotakeour

seats.

IsatdownandsentJonathanonelasttext—“GoingtoCostaRicafortheweek,Loveyou,”and

swallowedtwoofthepillshe’dgivenme.BeforeIknewit,Iwasstaringatthebackofmyeyelids.

“Howdoyoupronouncethenameofthisplaceagain?”Kimsighed.

“PeninsulaPapagayo.”BobbieJoenunciatedeachsyllable.“TheGayorhymeswithI-yo.”
“I’lljustkeepsayingCostaRica...”
Irolledoveronmybeachblanketandlookedoffintothedistance.PeninsulaPapagayowasone

ofthemostbeautifulplacesI’deverexplored:Thewatersthatsurroundeditscoastwereasblueasits
sky,thelushgreenerythatstoodbehindtheresortstretchedformilesandmiles,andpure,whitesand
coveredallofitsbeaches.

We’donlybeenhereforthreedays,butit’dbeenwaymorerelaxedandlaid-backthanIthoughtit

wouldbe.

Whenwe’dfirstarrivedandcheckedintoourprivateestate—anopulentsixbedroom,four

bathroomvillathatsatrightonthewaters,Helenhadgivenmeatravelbrochureandtoldmeto
choosewhateverIwantedtodo.

Iwasshockedthatshe’devenaskedformysuggestions,butpermyrequestwe’dgonesailing,

bungeejumping,andtakenafivemilehikeonawildlifetrail.Inbetweensnorkeling,kayaking,and
sight-seeing,we’drelaxedonthebeachanddownedcountlessumbrelladrinkstopassthetime;I
honestlyhopedtherestoftheweekwouldbethesame.

BobbieJotappedmyshoulder.“Areyourelaxedenoughtofinallyhavesomefunnow?Ordowe

needtodoanotherrecreationalactivity?Moretropicalbirdwatchingperhaps?”

“Itwasawildlifehike.Thosebirdswerebeautiful.”
“Theywerealsoboring!”Sherolledhereyes.“We’regoingouteverynightfortherestofthe

weekbecauseIrefusetodoanymoretouristy-bullshit.Startingtonight,you’regoingtodresslike
you’resingle,dancelikeyou’resingle,andsinceyouaren’tmarriedyet—you’regoingtoactlike
you’resingle.”

“Agreed.”Kimstoodupandcoveredmewithhershadow.“Nomorelameoutdoorshit,nomore

beach-napping,andnomorelatenightcallstoJonathan.”

“Ihaven’tcalledJonathan...”
Theybothcrossedtheirarmsandgavemeblankstares.
“Ionlycallhimonceaday.”
“He’sinVegasrightnow!”Kimpracticallyscreamed.“Vegas!He’senjoyinghimselftothemax

andyoushouldbetoo!”

“Iamhavingfun...”
Thetwoofthempulledmeupandwalkedmetowardstheshoreline,slippingtheirarmsaround

meliketheywereholdingmeup.Thentheypushedmeintoanoncomingwave.

“We’regoingtokeepdoingthatuntilyouwakeupandrealizewherethefuckyouare.”Kim

laughed.“NomorecallingJonathan.Okay?Helenhasbeenplanningthistripforweeksandshereally
wantsyoutohaveagood,sexytime.That’swhyshewentbacktotheroomfortheafternoon—she’s
planningwhatwe’regoingtodotonight.”

“Shewentbacktotheroomwithahalf-nakedbartender...”
Theybothburstintolaughterandjoinedmeinthewater.
“Okay,somaybeshegotboredfromdoingoutdooractivitiesforthreedaysstraight.”BobbieJo

shrugged.“Buttonight,allofthatchanges.Gotit?”

Laterthatnight,Helenslippedintoasundressandsmiled.“Iamnowanofficialmemberofthe
thoroughlywell-fuckedclub!Today’srompgoesdowninmytoptenfucksofalltime.”

“Ithoughtyoudidn’tkeepcount.”
“Idon’tkeepcount.Idorankthough.”Shelaughedandhandedmeahugestrawberrymargarita.

“Areyoureadytofinallystartyourbacheloretteparty?”

“It’snotgoingtobeanythingcrazy,right?”
“Ofcourseitis.”Sherolledhereyes.“HurryupanddrinkthatsoIcangetyoutothefirst

surprise.”

“Wait...AreBobbieJoandKimcomingwithus?Whydidtheyditchmeafterthebeach?”
“Drinkthedamndrink,Claire.”
Isighedanddownedthedrinkinthreehugegulps—wincingattheincredibleamountofalcohol

thatwasmixedin.

“Okaynow,here...”Shepulledmeupandsecuredablindfoldaroundmyeyes.“Step

forward...Watchyourstep...Stepupalittlebit...Okaynowkeepmovingforward...”

Ididn’tknowwherethehellshewastakingme,buthalfanhourlatershewasstillleadingme

around.

“Thankyousir,”shesaidtosomeoneasshepushedmeforward.
AcoolblastofairhitmyfaceandIcouldfeelthesmoothfloorsofanindoorbuilding.Ikept

followingherdirectionsuntilshesuddenlygrabbedmyshouldersandheldmestill.

Clearingherthroat,sheremovedmyblindfoldandIrealizedIwasstandinginthemiddleofa

massivespaandsalon.TherewasnooneelsearoundexceptBobbieJoandKim,andtheywere
standingontheothersideoftheroom,wavingatme.

“Beforewecangettherealpartystarted,KimandBobbieJoaregoingtogiveyouamuchneeded

makeover.”

“What?Idon’twantamakeover.”Iwavedmyringinfrontofherface.“AndIclearlydon’tneed

one.”

“Sweet,naïve,andfoolishClaire...”Sheshookherhead.“You’remakingmarriedwomanmistake

numberoneandyou’renotevenmarriedyet.Nomanwantstocomehometothesamewomanmonth
aftermonth.Youhavetoswitchitupeverynowandthen.Keephiminterested,makehimremember
whyyou’rethe—yeah...FeelfreetofillinalltheshitIdon’tbelieveinrightthere.”Shelaughed.“I
personallyloveyourstyleandyourhair,butyou’vebeenwearingitthesamewayforfourandhalf
yearssoit’stimeforachange.Besides,Ihighlydoubttwosupermodelswillscrewyouover.”

“Areyougoingtostickaroundandwatch?”Inoticedhersteppingbackwards.
“Claire,there’savaginalsteamingsparightdownthehall.Thetreatmentissupposedtotighten

mywallsandmakesextentimesmorepleasurable.WheredoyouthinkI’mgoingtobe?”

“You’reaterriblefriend.”

“Iloveyoutoo.”ShewalkedmeovertoKimandBobbieJo.“Pleasedon’tscareClairetoomuch.

She’spracticallyinnocent.”

Theylaughedandshooedheraway.
“Sitdownhere.”BobbieJohelpedmeintoasalonchair.“Youhaveverygoodsymmetry,Claire.

I’mnotsureifIevertoldyouthatbefore.”

“Thankyouverymuch.”
“No,no,no.Iwastalkingaboutyou,nottoyou.Thisisbusiness.”Shegrabbedatweezerand

pluckedoneofmyeyebrows.“Lookatthis,Kim.Thesebrowsaren’tinlinewithhernaturalshape.
Weneedtofixthatnowsothey’llbeshapedperfectlywhenshegetsmarried.”

“You’reright...Whataboutherhair?I’mnotreallyfeelingthiscolor.”
Iclearedmythroat.“No.Ilikemyredhair.”
Kimraisedherhandandgavemealook.“Weknowbeauty,Claire.We’veworkedwiththebest,

datedthebest,andwe’vefuckedthebest.Weknowexactlywhatwe’redoing.”

“Theredcanstay,butitneedsmorevolume—waymorevolume.”BobbieJolookedatmelikeI

wasanimpossibleproject.“I’mthinkingauburnhighlightsandablowout.”

“Andadeepmaskfacial...”
“Andamudbath...”
“Andamajorexfoliatingprocess...”
Thetwoofthemkeptlistingtreatmentaftertreatment,talkingaboutmeasifIwasn’tsittingright

infrontofthem.

Awaiterappearedoutofnowhereandheldoutatrayofchampagneglasses.Itooktwoandsipped

themasfastasIcould.

“Claire?”BobbieJotappedherchin.“We’retryingtofigureoutwhatcolorweshouldpaintyour

lips...Tellmesomething,afteryougetdonegivingJonathanheaddoyouspitorswallow?”

Isplutteredmychampagneintotheair.“Excuseme?”
“Sheswallows.”Kimlaughedandhelpedmestandup.“Goodforyou,Claire!Spittersare

quitters!”

Jesus...
BobbieJotossedherheadbackandlaughed.“Sinfulredforyouitis!”
Theyledmeovertotheshampoobowlandforthenexthour,Ilaybackandletthemdoatleastten

differentproteintreatments.Whentheyweredone,theytookturnsbrushingsoft,autumncolored
highlightsintomyhair,promisingmethatJonathan“wouldfuck[me]onthespot”oncehesawthe
‘newandimproved’me.

I’dgivenuponprotestinganyoftheirsuggestions;I’dacceptedtheir“Weknowwhatwe’re

doing”and“You’redealingwiththebest”mantras.EvenwhentheyinsistedthatIletthemplacesome
typeofsea-foodinspiredgunkonmyface,Ididn’tbothertellingthemthatIhatedseafood.Ijustheld
mybreathandgotitoverwith.

“Okay,nowrelax...”Kimpulledasteaminghotblowdryerthroughmyhair.“Thisisthemost

importantpart.Thisiswherewemakeyoulookfuckable.”

Assheteased,combed,andcurledmyhair,BobbieJohummedandappliedmakeuptomyface,

demandingthatIpursemylipseveryfewseconds.

Isuddenlyfeltmyphonevibratingandpulleditoutofmypocket.
IwashopingitwasJonathan,butitwasanumberIdidn’trecognize.Atext.“Heardyou’reon

vacationinCostaRica—mustbenice...Weneedtospeakassoonasyougetback.I’mnottakingnofor
ananswersobereadytoTALK—Ryan.”

“IsitJonathan?”Kimsighed.

“Um,no.”Ideletedthemessage.“It’snotJonathan.Justsomeonewiththewrongnumber.”Ishut

myeyesandsatstillastheycontinuedtowork,tryingnottothinkaboutRyanandwhateverthehellhe
wantedtotalkabout.

Howdidhegetmynewnumber?
“Okay,we’realldone.”Kimsoundedhappy.“Nowit’stimetohelpyouintotherightdress.”She

puttheblindfoldovermyeyesagainandledmeintoanotherroom.

Forwhatfeltlikeanotherhour,sheandBobbieJoliterallydressedandundressedmeuntilthey

finallyagreedonwhatIshouldwear.

“Turnaround,sexy.”BobbieJotookoffmyblindfoldandspunmearound.“Whatdoyouthink?”
Wow...
Ididn’trecognizemyself.
Myhairwasnowamuchdeeperandshinierred—withhintsofdarkblondandhazelbrown,andit

wasstyledintoanup-dooflooseandwavycurls—astyleIwasconsideringforthewedding.

Myeyesveereddowntowardsthethinwhitedressthey’dpickedandIfeltnaked,exposed—like

therewasnopointinmewearingadressatall.

BobbieJoraisedhereyebrow.“Somethingwrongwiththedress?”
“No,it’sjust...It’sabit...”
“Abitwhat?”
Ishookmyheadatthehemlinethatbarelygrazedmythigh,atthecrisscrossedfabricinthefront

thatexposedtheskinunderneathmybreasts.“Slutty.”

“Itisnotslutty!”Kimscoffed.“ThisisHOT!Allthemenaregoingtobelookingatyoutonight!”
“I’mgettingmarried.”
“Butyoudon’thavetolookmarried.”BobbieJorolledhereyes.“Thisisanightyou’regoingto

lookbackonandcherishyearsfromnow,andwe’regoingtomakedamnsurethatyouneverforget
it...”

Chapter11

Claire

IleanedonKim’sshoulderasweleftthethirdclubofthenight.Myfeetwerecompletelynumb

fromdancingsomuch,andmythroatwasachingfromtheamountofalcoholthey’dforcedmeto
drink.

Wehadn’tbeenon“thelist”foranyoftheclubswe’dbeento,butBobbieJoandKimhadturned

ontheircharm—i.e.rubbedtheirbreastsagainstthebouncersandflirtedwiththesecurityguards,so
thatwecouldskipeveryoneandgetinforfree.

“Isthisthelastclub,Helen?”Islurred,noticingthatwewerestoppinginfrontofanall-black

buildingwheretherewasnoline.“I’m...I’mnotsureifIcan...IfIcantakeanymoretonight...”

Sherolledhereyes.“Yesthisisthelastclub.Well,it’snotreallyaclub.It’s...”Sheputherhands

onmyshoulderstosteadyme.“ThisiswhatI’vebeenputtingtogethereversinceyoutoldmeyou
wereengaged.Ihonestlyhatetoloseanyfriendtothemarriedlife,butsinceyouwanttogothat
route,IkeptthatsentimentinmindwhileIwasplanningeverymomentofthis...”

Whyissheactinglikethisisthegreatestshitshe’severaccomplished?
“ThisishowIwantyoursinglelifetocometoanend.”Shepretendedtowipeatearfromhereye.

“So,pleasedomeafavorandtrytoletyourselfgofortherestofthenight.Nojudging,noworries,
nothing.Canyoupleasepromisemethat?”

Inodded.
“Sayitlikeyoumeanit,Claire.”
“Ipromise.”
“Great!”Sheopenedthedoorandusheredusallinside.
Wewalkedthroughtwodimlylithallways,whereIcouldhearthethumpingbassofmusiccoming

fromanotherroom.

TheairwasgettingthickerandthickerwitheachstepItookandIwasstartingtosweat.
Asweroundedacorner,abuffbodyguardstoodupandcrossedhisarms—blockingthesilver

doorthatwasbehindhim.

“Name,”hesaidflatly.
“ClaireStatham.”Thethreeofthemsaidinunison.
Helookedallofusover,asifhewerequestioningwhywewerethere,andthenheopenedthe

door.“Haveanicenightladies.”

Ifeltmyselfbeingpushedinsidetheroom,andoncemyeyesrealizedwhatthehelltheywere

seeing,myjawhitthefloor.

Jonathanisgoingtokillme...
Theroomwasmassive.Icouldn’tmakeoutwherethe“walls”werebecausetherewasredsmoke

seepingfromthefloorsandtheceilings.However,Icouldclearlyseehalfnakedmeneverywhere.
Andby‘halfnaked,’Imeantthattheywereonlywearingtightwhitebriefsandasmile.Andsincethey
weresweating,Icouldseeeverything.

Therewasahugeblackstageonthefarendoftheroomwhereafewmaleandfemaledancers

werewrithingagainstoneanotherasiftheywerehavingsex.Therewereevenpeoplestandingright
belowthestage,tossingdollarbillsandpantiesatthem.

Thebarthatwasonmyrightwasmadeofallglassanditextendedallthewayacrosstheroomto

awallIcouldn’tsee.Thewords“CumShots”wereflashinginneonredlettersbehindit,andalong
lineofbartenderswasfranticallymixingdrinks.

Iwasabouttoaskwherethehellwewere,butamanwhowasbuiltlikeaGreekgodsteppedin

frontofmeandhandedeachofusasmallvelvetbag.

“WelcometoClubSin,ladies.”HesmiledandBobbieJoreachedoutandcuppedhisdick.
“He’snotstuffing.”Shewinkedatme.
“Noonehereis.”Hesmiledevenwider.“Followmetoyourtable.Youhaveareservedspacein

VIP.”

Ishookmyheadandturnedawaytoleave,buttheypushedmeforwardandmademefollowhim

acrosstheroomandupaflightofsteps.Ourtablewasdirectlyabovethedancefloorandrightin
frontofthestage.

TheGreekgodtookapenoutof—somewhere,andwaitedforustotakeourseats.
“Itshouldfeelalittlecoolerupherethandownstairs,”hesaid.“Butifyougettoohot,there’sa

coolingstationbehindthatdoor.”Hepointedtoasignbelowthatread‘CoolafterYouCum.’“What
typeofdrinkscanIstartyouladiesoffwithtonight?”

“I’llhaveawater.”Isaid.“Inabottle...”
“Ignoreher.”Kimcoveredmymouth.“We’llallhavecumshotstostart.”
“AndaroundofSexontheBeach.”Helenlookedhimupanddown.“Withtwobottlesofyour

bestvodkaandapitcheroforangejuicetoshare.”

Hewroteitalldownandturnedtowalkaway,butnotbeforeBobbieJoslappedhisass,laughing.

“Iamsobringingsomeonebacktothesuitetonight.”

Ishookmyheadandopenedthevelvetbaghe’dgivenusatthedoor:Condoms,Blow-popsthat

read“Foryourblowingpleasure,”aminivibrator,handcuffs,ablindfold,andlube.Lotsandlotsof
lube.

Whatthefuck?!
Idroppedthebagunderthetableandsquintedatthescenethatwasplayingbelowmeonthedance

floor.Oneofthehalf-nakedmenwasgivingawomanonehellofalapdanceanditlookedlikeshe
wasenjoyingitalittletoomuch.Shewasgrabbingontohisbackandpanting,cryingoutlikehewas
actually—

OH.MY.GOD!
Istoodup.“Ican’tbehere,Helen!Whatthefuckisthisplace?”
“ClubSin.Didyounothearthemansaythatwhenwegothere?Justrelax,Claire.Everypersonin

thisplaceknowsyou’reabouttobeMrs.Stathamandthatyou’reofflimits.Yourlap-dancewillbea
lottamer.”

“Idon’twantalap-dance.”
Sherolledhereyesasourdrinkswereplacedonthetable.
“Ladiesandgentlemen.”Adeepvoicecameoverthespeakers—drowningoutthehighfrenzied

technomusic.“Thedancefloorwillshutdownintwohoursforourscheduled‘AllEyes’
performance.Pleasetakeadvantageofitbeforewecloseoffthatsection.”

“Okaywait!”Kimslidallfourcumshotstowardsme.“Ithinkyouneedtotossbackallofthese

foryourself.Weneedyougoodanddrunkwaybeforetheshowstarts.”

“Whattypeofshowisit?”
“It’sasceneshow.TheyshowoffdifferentsexpositionsandIreallyneedsomenewonestoadd

tomysexbucketlist.”

“Yourfuck-etlist.”BobbieJocorrected.“Tossbackthedrinkssowecandance,Claire.Now.”
Isighedandtossedbackthefirstonetoloudcheers,wincingathowbitteritwas.

“Two!Three!Four!”TheyclappedandthrustanotherdrinkintomyhandassoonasIfinishedthe

lastcumshot.

ItookafewsipsandbeforeIknewit,Iwasbeingpulledontothedancefloor.
Theroomwasspinningandeverythingwasblurringtogether—somuchsothatIwasn’tsureif

whatmyeyeswereshowingmewastrue:Ahalf-nakedpoliceofficerwasrubbingagainstme,
swayingmyhipstothebeatasIstruggledtokeepmybalance.Helenwasgrindingagainsttwomenat
thesametime,andBobbieJoandKimweresandwichinganotherGreekgod,rubbinghimallover.

OutthecornerofmyeyeIsawpeopleliningupatadifferenttypeofbar.Therewerenoalcohol

bottlesorglasseshangingbehinditswall:Therewerechains,ropes,whips,andlotsofmetalthingsI
didn’trecognize.

Iwatchedacouplebuyalongsilverchain,andraisedmyeyebrowastheywereledoutofthe

roomandthroughthesmokebyabouncer—tosomewhereIwassureIdidn’twanttoknowabout.

Dizzyandconfused,Islowlyfreedmyselffromthestranger ’ssweatyembraceandheadedbackto

oursectioninVIP.IlookedatmyphoneandrealizedIhadatext.Jonathan:“Yournewmakeoverisso
fuckingsexy.Can’twaittoseeitinperson.Callmeassoonasyougetbacktoyourroom.”

Iwastoodazedanddisorientedtoeventhinkabouttalkingtohimtonight.Ididn’twanttoslipup

andtellhimanythingaboutthisclub.Ever.

“Areyoualright,Claire?”Kimputherhandonmyforehead.“Isawyoudancingwiththatcop.

I’mproudofyou!You’relearning!”Shesatdownandhandedmeabottleofwater.

“Helenwasn’tlyingtome,right?Thisreallyisthelastclub?”
“Yeah...ItmaybejustyouandIwalkingbackthough.”ShepointedtothecornerwhereBobbieJo

currentlyhadherhanddownafireman’sbriefsandHelenwasgrindingagainstadifferentsetofmen.

Ishookmyheadandtookslowsipsofwater,savoringeverycolddrop.JustasIwasfinally

coolingdown,abutt-nakedsherifftookthebottleoutofmyhandandpositionedhimselfovermylap.

“Ohmygod—no...NO....NO...”Islurred.“Whyisyourdickout?!Idon’t...Idon’twant—Couldyou

atleastputyourbriefson?!”

“Don’tworry.”Hesmiled.“Yourfriendstoldmetobeextragentle.”
“What?!”Ishutmyeyesashe“danced”againstme.Hewasgruntingandusingmyshouldersto

bracehimself,saying,“Ibetyourfiancéedoesn’tgiveittoyoulikethis.”

WhenIfinallyopenedmyeyesagain,hewasgoneandeveryonewasbackintheVIPbooth.The

lightsintheclubweredimming,andthewords“sceneshow”wereflashinginwhitelightsacrossthe
stage.

“IthinkI’vehadenoughforonenight.”Istoodup.“Thishasbeenreallyfun,butIthinkIshould

headback.”

Helenpulledmebackdown.“Sitstill,Claire.Wehavefourmorehoursleftandwe’reusingevery

lastsecond!Besides,theDJjustannouncedthatthedancetroupeisgoingtotwerkbeforetheshow
evenstarts.”

“Twerk?DoIevenwanttoknowwhatthatmeans?”
BobbieJostoodupandbentoverslightly,placingherassinmyface.Thenshebracedthefloor

withherhandsandproceededtobounceherassupanddown,movingcloserandclosertome.

“Smackitttt...”Shedancedafewmoresecondsbeforelaughingandstandingupright.“Now,

imaginemendoingthatwithharddicksandtightbriefsandahhhh...Heaven...”

“Soundsthrilling.”Irolledmyeyesandpouredmyselfalargeglassofvodka.Noorangejuice.
Itosseditbackandclenchedmyjawastheburningsensationsrolleddownmythroat.AsIwas

pouringmyselfanotherone,agroupofmentookthestageinblackbriefs—briefsthatperfectly
highlightedtheirhugedicks,andtheybegantodancetoaloudtechnobeat.

Theywereinsyncwithoneanother,bendingoverjustlikeBobbieJohaddone.Butinsteadof

shakingtheirasses,theywereshakingtheirdicks—makingthemtouchthefloorwitheverylowered
move.

Theyrubbedtheirhandsallovertheirsweatyandchiseledchests,winkingatthevariouswomen

inthecrowd.Andthenonebyonetheybeganto“twerk”solo,andslowlyremovedtheirbriefs.

“Oh.My.God...”Weallsaidinunison.
Iwassuremymouthwashangingwideopenatthesheerperfectionoftheirbodies—atthe

delectablesweat,atthehugeness,atthe—

IshookthosethoughtsawayandtappedHelen’sshoulder.“Dowereallyneedtostayforthesex

show?”

“Ofcoursewedo,we’re—Oh,god!”Shelookedatherwatch.“Youhaven’tgottenyourmassage

yet.Youneedtogetitbeforetheparlorcloses.Thatwasincludedinthepackage.”Shewavedoverto
thebar.

“Amassage?Seriously,Helen?Areyounotawarewhatthephrase‘I’m-getting-married’means?

ItmeansthatIcan’tactlikeyou.Andwhothehellpickedthisclub?”

“Doyouhearsomething,BobbieJo?”Sheignoredme.“Howaboutyou,Kim?Icould’vesworn

wealldiscussedsomeonelettingherselfgobeforewesteppedthroughthatdoortonight.”

BobbieJoshookherhead.“Nope,Idon’thearanything.Butdoyouseethatmanattheedgeofthe

stage?”Shelickedherlips.“God,Iwouldlovetolickhisnipplepiercing...andhischest...and
his...everything.”

KimandHelenshotherblankstares.
“Anyway...”Isighed.“Jonathanwouldn’tlikemebeingtouchedbyanotherman—especiallynota

half-nakedone—professionalmassageornot...”

“Claire...”Helenrolledhereyes.“Iwouldnever,eversuggestanythingthatwouldmakeyour

crazy,jealous,andoverbearingfiancéeupsetwithyou.Allyou’vedonetonightisdance,drinkto
excess,andexperiencethelamestlap-danceintheworld.”

“Hewasnaked.”
“Hebarelytouchedyou.Andyouknowsomethingelse?”
“Goodevening,ladies.”Aperfectlysuntannedgodsteppedintoourbooth.“Who’sgettingthe

massagetonight?”

Icouldn’tfindanywordstosay.Hewasutterperfection—evenmoreattractivethanthemenwe’d

seenonstage.

Heleneyefuckedhimforafewsecondsbeforelookingatmeagain.“Asperfectasthismanis...I

specificallymadeitclearthatA)Yourmasseusemustbegay.AndB)Itmustbeasteammassage,so
onceagain,he’llbarelytouchyou.Trustme,hedoesn’twantyou.AtAll...Andit’sadamnshame.”

IblinkedandlookedupatMr.Perfectionagain.
“Ihaveaboyfriend.”Heshruggedandreachedformyhand.“Iwon’thurtyou.Besides,it’sonly

fifteenminutes.”

Itossedbackanothershotandreluctantlytookhishand.
HeintroducedhimselftomeasSeanandledmedowntwodarkhallways,intoaroomthatscared

thelivingshitoutofme:Therewerewhipsandchainshangingfromtheceiling,slowburningred
candlesthatnearlycoveredtheentirefloor,andcountlessmetalcontraptionsthatjuttedoutfromthe
walls.

Ilookedaroundforthemassagetableandspotteditinthecorner.
“Thisisthebestroomavailableforamassage?”Iasked.
“Isthereaproblem?”

“No,just...Peopleactuallycomeheretodothisstuff?”Ituggedonapairofhandcuffsthathung

fromthewall.“Thisisasexclub?”

“You’rejustnowfiguringthatout?”Heledmeovertothetable.“Buttoansweryourquestion,

yes.Myexusedtogetarealkickoutofthis.Helovedit.”

“Pain?”
“Don’tbeclosedminded.”Hesoundedoffended.“It’sthethinlinebetweenpleasureandpainthat

turnspeopleon.Look,comehere.”Hepulledmyarmsupovermyheadandsecuredaropearound
them.“I’llshowyouafewthingsthatyoucantakebackhometoyourfiancée.Doesthishurt?”

“No.”
Hetightenedtheropeandthebristlesstartedtorubintomyskin.“Howaboutnow?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,good.”
“Good?”
Henoddedandtookafewstepsback.“So,rightnowyourarmsaresuspendedintheairandyou

don’thavefullcontrolofyourself.You’resubmittingthatremainingpowertoyoursignificant
other.”

“I’msurehewouldlovethat...”Imumbled.
“Hmmm...Howaboutaddingthistoo?”Hehoistedmybodyupfromthefloorbyafewinches.

Thenhespreadmylegswideandclampedeachofmyanklestoheavyweights.“Howdoyoufeel
now?”

“Idrankawholelotofalcoholtonight...I’mhonestlynotsureifthisisreallyhappeningornot...”
Helaughedandwalkedovertoatable,unwrappingablackbox.“Wesellpleasurekitsatthegift

shopupstairs,butseeingasthoughyou’realmostMrs.Statham,I’llmakesureyougetabunchof
themforfree.”Hebroughttheboxovertomeandshowedmeastateoftheartvibratorwithseveral
smallerpleasuretoys.

“Doyouthinkyou’dbewillingtotrysomeofthemoredaringthingsathome?”Seanshutthebox

andgesturedtotheotherthingsintheroom.

“Aremyeyesred?Dotheylookpuffytoyou?”
Hesmiledandpinchedmycheek.“Ithinkyou’llwarmuptoitoneday.I’llgogetthesteamerand

somebottledwaterfromnextdoor.I’lluntieyouthesecondIgetback.Hopefullytenmoreseconds
likethiswillconvinceyoutotryit,right?”

Ilaughedathisenthusiasmandshookmyheadashewalkedaway.
Ilookedaroundtheroomagain,wonderingwhyI’deverdoubtedHelenwhenshepromisedan

“overthetop”party.She’dtrulyoutdoneherselfandtheweekwasn’tevenover.

Itriedtomovemylegsandgetdown,butitwasnouse.It’donlybeenafewseconds,butitfelt

liketheywerefallingasleep.Withtheamountofalcoholthatwascoursingthroughmyveins,IknewI
wasabouttopassoutifIdidn’tgetdownsoon.

I’mgoingtohaveonehellofahangovertomorrow...
Myeyeswerestrugglingtostayopenandtheheatfromthecandleswasmakingmesweat.I

wishedhe’datleasttiedmeupclosertothedoor—oratleastletmefaceit,soIcouldbeclosertothe
airvents.

“Sean!”Icalledout.
IheardthedooropeningandIsighed,relieved.“Look,Sean.Youdon’tneedtogivemea

massage.JustcutmedownfromthisandI’lllieandsayeverythingwasgreat.I’mstartingtofeelabit
—”

“Isthisthetypeofshitthatturnsyouon,Claire?”ThesoundofJonathan’svoicemademyheart

racetentimesfaster.

“Jonathan?!”Ifelthimkissingthebackofmyneck.“Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?”
Hepressedanotherkissagainstmyskin,ignoringmyquestion.Heranhishandsupanddownmy

sidesandIcouldsensehimsmiling.“So,therewassometruthinwhatyoutoldourtherapistabout
ourintimacyproblems?Youaren’tsatisfiedwithourregularsex?”

“Traditionalsex.”Ifiredbackandheardhimlaugh.
“I’mlearningsomanynewthingsaboutyoulately,FutureWife...First,youtakeexoticclasses

afterwork,andnowyou’reintobondage...Arethereanymoresecretsyouwanttotellmeabout
beforewetietheknot?Doyoustripforextramoneyontheweekends?”

Irolledmyeyes.“Couldyouhurryupanduntiemeplease?”
“Untieyou?WhywouldIdothat?”Heplantedkissesdowntheexposedgrooveofmyback.Then

hesecuredtheropeseventighteraroundmywrists.

“Whatareyoudoing?!”
Hesteppedaroundtofaceme.“Wereyouabouttoletthatmantouchyou?”
“You’rereallynotgoingtountieme?”
“Itlookslikeyouwereabouttolethimtouchwhat’smine...”Hesteppedforwardandkissedmy

lips,slippinghishandsunderneaththefabricofmydress.“Isthishowyounormallydressbehindmy
back?Thisdressshowseverything...Youmightaswellbenaked...”

“Untieme.Rightnow,Jonathan.”
“Idon’tthinkso.”Hekissedmeagain,whispering,“Idon’tknowwhoyouareanymore,Claire...”
Iletoutasigh,butIdidn’tgetachancetosayanythingfurtherbecauseheclampedmylipsshut

withhisfingers.

Glaringatme,hewrappedhisotherarmaroundmywaist.“Idon’tgiveadamnifheisgay.No

othermanmassagesyou.Ever.Areweclear?”

Inodded.
“Sayit.”
“We’reclear.”
Hestaredatmeafewmoresecondsbeforelettingmego.Hewalkedovertothetableandgrabbed

theboxSeanhadopened.ThenhesetitbehindmeandmutteredsomethingtohimselfIcouldn’thear.

Itriedtoturnaroundandseewhathewasdoing,butitwasnouse.Icouldn’tmovemylegs,and

thebristlesfromtheropewerereallystartingtohurt.

Isuddenlyfelthimpressingkissesagainstthebackofmyshoulders,reachingaroundmeand

squeezingmybreasts.

“Haveyouenjoyedbeingabstinentthisweek?”Hesoundedamused.
“It’sbeenthebestweekofmylife.”
“Isthatso?”
“Yes.It’sbeensomuchfunthatIdon’tthinkIwanttohavesexeveragain.”
Heletoutalowlaughandgentlypulledmyheadbackwithmyhair—untilIwaslookingupat

him.“Ithinkthelastfewnightshavebeentheworstnightsofyourlife...”

Ididn’tsayanything.Ikepttheslightsmirkonmyfaceandlookedintohiseyes.
“Ithinkyou’vetossedandturnedinyoursleep—wishingIwashere,soIcouldhelprelievethat

longingachebetweenyourthighs.”Heloweredhisvoice.“AndIknowyou’vewokenupevery
morning,reachingforme...”Hepulledmyhairalittlemoreandpressedhislipsagainstmineforan
upsidedownkiss.“BecauseI’vereachedforyou...”

MyheartflutteredandIliftedmyheadforward.“Pleaseuntieme...”
Hedidn’tanswersoIrepeatedmyself.
Nothing.

”Jonathan?”Icalledhisnameagainandtriedtotiltmyheadback,butIfelthimpressinga

buzzingvibratoragainstme.

“Didyoupackoneoftheseinyoursuitcase?”hewhisperedintomyear.
Yes...“No.”
“Areyousure?”Heheldmesteadywithhisotherhand.“Theinfamouspurpleonewasmissing

fromyourclosettheotherday...”

“WereyouplanningtouseitonyourselfwhileIwasgone?Patientlyawaitingtheopportunity?”
Hetrailedthevibratoraroundtomystomachandpulledmebackagainsthim,lettingmefeelhis

hardeneddickagainstmyskin.“Ithoughtweagreedonnoself-pleasureeither...”Hesoftlybitmy
shoulder.“You’recheatingonmewithavibrator?”

Myvoicecaughtinmythroatashetrailedhisotherhandagainstmysidesanduptomybound

wrists.Hestartedtorubhispalmagainsttherope,chafingmyskin.

“Jonathan...Thathurts...”
Hecontinuedrubbingagainstit,forcingthebristlestoslowlytearintomyflesh,andhesuddenly

stopped.

Iheardaclankingnoiseaboveme—theharshsoundofmetalgrindingagainstmetal.ThenIfelt

mybodyslowlytiltingtomyright—turningandturninguntilIwasupsidedownwithmyentangled
fingertipsgrazingthefloor.

IlookedupandsawJonathanstandinginbetweenmylegs,andIswallowed.“Whatareyou

doing?”

Hesnatchedmypantiesoffandslippedhistongueinbetweenmylegs,makingmecryout.
Ignoringmymoans,heheldastrangebottleovermeandsqueezedit—lettingthewarmliquid

drizzlealloverme.

Ishutmyeyesasbloodrushedtomyhead,ashedippedhisheadlowagainandteasinglyslidhis

tongueintome.Istartedtorelaxasheestablishedatorturousrhythm:probinghistongueinandout
ofme,swirlingitagainstmyclit,Frenchkissingmylips...

Ifeltmyinsidesquivering,beggingformore,buthestopped.
Ilookedupathiminconfusion—longingforhimtocontinue,buthelaughedandgrabbed

somethingoffthetable.

BeforeIcouldsayanything,hesmackedmyasswithaleatherwhip.Hard.
Iscreamedoutandhesmackeditagain.Andagain.
“Thisiswhatyouhonestlylike?”Heplacedthetipofthewhipbetweenmylegs,tappingitagainst

myswollenlowerlips.“I’mnotgoingtoturnyourightsideupunlessyoutellmethetruth...Isthis
whatyoulike?”

Ididn’tanswer.Ijustmoanedashedroppedthewhiptothefloorandpositionedhisdickagainst

me.

Ibracedmyselfforthemuchneededsex—usingwhatlittlecontrolIhadtoflexmyhips,buthe

grabbedmywaistandheldmestill.

“Doyouknowhowharditisnottofuckyourightnow,Claire?”Herubbedhisdickagainstme—

backandforth,againandagain—butnotenteringme.

Iscrapedmynailsagainstthefloortodeflectsomeofthepleasure,andtriednottocryoutinutter

frustration.

Ifailed.
“Please,Jonathannnn...”
Heslippedtwofingersinsideofme,groaningoncehefelthowwetIwas.Heslowlyslidthemin

andout,makingbothofusmoanwitheachdeepstroke.

Ishookmyheadandbitmylip,begginghimtostandmeupandfuckme,butheansweredeachof

mypleaswithatenderkissagainstmythighs.

Hecontinuedtotorturemewithhisfingers,andmythoughtsbecamehazy;Istartedtofeel

familiartremorstravelingupanddownmybody.

“Ohhhh,god...”Istartedshaking—convulsing,gettingreadytoletgo.Buthedidn’tletmecum.
Heflippedmerightsideupinsecondsandlookedintomyeyes.
Holdingthevibratoragainstmyclit,hebroughthisfaceclosetomineandwhispered.“How

wouldyoulikemetofinishthis?”

Byfuckingme...
“Ican’treadyourmind.”Helied,smiling.“Howwouldyoulikemetofinishthis?”
“Byfuckingme...”
“Withmymouth?”
“Withyourdick...Nowplease.”
“Idon’tthinkitwouldbespecialifwehadsexrightnow...”Hemovedthevibratorawayandmy

insidescontinuedtothrobintorturedpleasure.“Itwouldn’tmakeusfeelintimate...”

“Please...”IpleadedwithmyeyesandIcouldtellhewasabouttogivein.Itriedtopushmyself

forwardsoIcouldkisshislips,soIcouldconvincehimthatIneededthis,buthesteppedback.

“Afterwe’remarried.”Hekissedthetipofmynoseandpulledhispantsbackup,leavingme

pantingandutterlylost.Hefreedmylegsfromtheweightsandslowlyuntiedtheropefromaround
myhands.

Ifellintohimandtoldhimtotakemebacktomysuite,butheliftedmeupandlaidmeonthe

table,flatonmystomach.Ididn’tevenbotheraskingwhy.Iwastoofrustrated.

Ishutmyeyesandvowednottospeaktohimforawhile,butIsuddenlyfelthimplacingwarm

stonesdownthecenterofmyback.“Talktome...”hewhispered.

“Aboutwhat?Sexualfrustration?”
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant...”
Isighed.“Didmyfriendsseeyou?Dotheyknowthatyou’rehere?”
“No.”Hekneadedhishandsagainstmysides.“Theywerewaytoodrunktopayattentionto

anything.IhadGregtakethembacktoyourvillasotheywouldn’tpassoutinthatso-calledclub.”

“Howthoughtfulofyou...”
Headdedafewmorewarmstonesagainstmyback.“Thankyou.”
“WhathappenedtoyourVegasparty?Wasitthatboringthatyoufelttheneedtocomeandruin

mine?”

“Ididn’truinyourparty.”Hekissedmyhair.“IwashavingaprettygoodtimeinVegas,butI

receivedadistractinglysexy‘makeover ’picturefrommyfiancéewhileIwasataclub.”

“Idon’tremembertyping‘comecrashmyparty’atthebottomofit.”
“Itwasimplied.”Hepushedmynewswoopedbangsawayfrommyface.“Ididn’twanttowait

untilyoucamehometoseeyoulikethis.”

“Really?BecauseIthinkit’sbecauseyoucan’tgomorethanthreedayswithouttouchingme.”
“Four.Idohavesomerestraint.”
Irolledmyeyesandfelthimremovingthestones.“I’mneverdrinkingthatmuchagain...Ican’t

evenrememberhowmanyshotsIhad...Oh,andjustsotherearenosecretsbetweenus:Idancedwitha
lotofmen,tonight.Andyouknowwhat?Ilovedit,justlikeHelensaidIwould...”

“Shhhh.”Hesighedashebeganpressinghishandsintomyback.“Bequiet,Claire.”
“No...Yousaidyouwantedmetotalk.”Ishutmyeyes.“Ifyoucancrashmypartyanddenyme

sex,youcanlistento...”Iyawned.“Youcanletmetellyou...”Hishandsfelttoogoodtobetrue.“All
about...”

Everythingwentblack.

IwokeupandrealizedIwasinmysuite.ThesunwasslowlyrisingoutsidemywindowandJonathan
wasstandingoverme,fullydressedandfluffingmypillow.Onthenightstandtomylefthe’dplaced
threebottlesoforangejuice,abottleofTylenol,andanote:“EnjoytherestofyourweekinCosta
Rica,FutureWife.”

“You’releaving?”Mythroatwasdry.
Henoddedandkissedmyforehead.“Yourfriendswillbewakingupsoon.I’msureyou’llwantto

rehashlastnightwiththem.TellHelentosendmethereceiptforthevillaandanythingsheandyour
friendsboughtthisweek.I’llreimbursewhatevershespent.”

“Okay...Canyoutakeashowerwithmebeforeyougo?”
“Ofcourse.”Hesmiledandslidhisarmsbeneathmetopickmeup.Hecarriedmeintothe

bathroomandquicklyremovedmyslip.

Asheplacedmeinsidetheshowerandturnedonthewater,IthoughtabouthowIwasgoingto

seducehimandmakehimgivemesomedamnsex.

He’dbeenrighthoursago.Thelastfewnightshadbeenhorrible.Mybodycravedhisbodyevery

night;itachedforhistouchlikeitwouldn’tsurvivewithoutit.

Ican’tbelieveIaskedhimtobeabstinent!WhatthehellwasIthinking?!
Hejoinedmeunderneaththesteamywaterandranhisfingersthroughmydampbangs.“Ireally

lovewhattheydidtoyourhair.Aretheydoingitforourwedding?”

Inodded.“Inexchangeforthrowingapartyononeofyouryachtsthiswinter.Ialreadytoldthem

theycould.”

“WhatifIsayno?”
“I’maco-owner.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatyousay.”
HesmiledandIdidn’tbotherwastinganothersecond.Ipressedmylipsagainsthisandkissedhim

deeply,usingmyhandstomassagehisdick.

Beforehecouldtellmetostop,Ibentdownandtookhimintomymouth—movinghiminandout

untilhewasrockhard.

IlookedupathimasIslidmytonguearoundandheseemedsurprised,buthepulledmeupand

kissedme.

Asthewatercontinuedtofalloverus,hekepthislipsattachedtomineandwrappedhisarms

aroundmywaist.

Ifelthisdickpressingagainstmystomachandmurmured,“Please...”buthecontinuedhisdeep

andpassionatekiss.HerolledhistonguearoundmineandbitmybottomlipwheneverItriedtopull
awayfromhim.

Iwascompletelybreathlesswhenhereleasedmeandspunmearoundtofacethewall.Hegripped

myhipsandadjustedmystance—slowlytiltingmeforwardforeasyaccess.

Imoanedashereachedaroundandcaressedmybreasts,asheplacedawetkissagainstthegroove

ofmyback.

“Areyousureyouwantthis?”hewhispered.
“Yes...”
Hegrippedmyhipseventighterandpressedhisdickagainstme.Thenheslidhishandbetween

mylegsandgroanedashetouchedmyswollenclit.

“Iwanttofuckyousobadly,Claire...”hewhispered.“Youhavenoidea...Enjoytherestofyour

trip.”Hesuddenlyletmegoandsteppedoutoftheshower.

Igaspedandbracedthewall.“What?!”

Morefrustratedthanever,Iturnedthewateroffandwrappedmyselfinatowel.Iwalkedbackinto

myroomandcrossedmyarmsonceIsawthathewasputtinghisclothesbackon.

“You’releaving?”
Hesmirkedandzippeduphispants.
“You’renotgoingtohavesexwithme?”
“OfcourseIam.”Hewalkedoverandkissedmycheek.“Afterwe’remarried.”
Iopenedmymouthtospeak,buthepressedhisfingeragainstmylips.“I’llpickyouupfromthe

airstripthesecondyougetback.Iwanttotakeyouonadateafteryousettlebackintoyourjob.”He
plantedakissonmyforehead.“Iloveyou,Claire.”

Irolledmyeyes.
“Sayitback.”
“Makeme...”Igavehimmybestseductivelook.
Hesmiledandpulledmeclose.“OnceIcommittodoingsomething—whateverthatsomething

maybe,Ineverbackdownfromit.Youcankeeptryingtotemptme—you’reverygoodbytheway,
butImadeapromiseandIneverbreakmypromises...Now,sayitback.”

“Iloveyoutoo.”
HekissedmeonelasttimeandIwatchedhimleavethroughmysidedoor.Helookedoverhis

shouldereveryfewsecondsandsmiledatme,soIwaiteduntilhewasnolongerinmysight.

IimmediatelyrushedovertomysuitcaseandsearchedformyvibratorsoIcouldendthis

frustrationmyself.IpulledtheflapopenwhereIknewI’dplacedit,butitwasn’tthere.Instead,there
wasafoldednapkinwithanote:“Nocheating,FutureWife.You’llgetitbackAFTERthewedding:-)”

Icursedundermybreathandheadedforthekitchen,whereBobbieJo,Kim,andHelenwereall

staringatmewithlooksofhorrorontheirfaces.

“Youbroughtsomeonehomewithyoufromtheclublastnight?Anddon’tyoudareliebecause

weallheardvoicesthismorning.”Helenpracticallylostit.“That’snotlikeyouatall,Claire!What
thehellwereyouthinking?!”

“What?YouthinkIcheatedonJonathan?”
“Itdoesn’tmatterwhatwethink.”BobbieJostoodupandpacedthefloor.“It’sokay.Wecan

definitelyfixthis...Iknowwetoldyoutoletgo,butyouweren’tsupposedtocompletelyletgo...You’re
marryingJonathan-fucking-Statham!Youdon’tneedtoexperienceanyotherman,ever!”

Helenshookherheadindisagreementatthatlastline,butshekeptthelookofworryonherface.
“Nomoreclubbingthisweek.”Kimclaspedherhandstogether.“We’llstilldrinktons,butwe’ll

sticktothelameassactivitiesweweredoingbefore.We’lleventakeyoushoppingforawholenew
wardrobetoday...Jonathanwillneverfindoutaboutthis.Yoursecretissafewithus...”

Chapter12

Claire

IsatinthemiddleofStarbucks,sportingabrandnewtanandalightgreydressthegirlshad

pickedoutformeonthelastdayofthetrip.ItwasshortwithadeepV-necklineandithuggedallmy
curvesperfectly.

ItwasthetypeofdressthatJonathanwouldlove,atleastIhopedhewouldwhenhesawmelater

tonightforourdate.

He’dtoldmehewantedtotakemesomewherespecialassoonashepickedmeupfromthe

airstriptheotherday.He’dleftlittleremindernotesinmycloset,inmypurse,eveninmycar:
“TonightwillbethebestdateyouandIhaveeverhad.”“No...I’mnotshuttingdowntheGoldenGate
Bridgeagain...butIcanifyouwantmeto.”“I’mlookingforwardtoseeingyoulater.Youarealways
thebestpartofmyday.”

“MissGracen?”Myhighprofileclientclearedherthroat,snappingmeoutofmytrance.“Isthat

all?DoIneedtosignanythingelse?”

“I’msorry.I’llhavemysecretaryforwardyouacopyofthecontracttomorrowmorning.Doyou

haveanyotherquestionsforme,Lisa?Imean,MissKane?”

“Notatall.”Shestoodup.“Thanksfortreatingmetocoffeetoday.Thiswas...different.”
Ilaughedandwatchedherwalkoutofthestore.
Thankstomyemployees—whohadfailedtoshutofftheairconditioningtheentireweekIwas

gone,mystore’sventilationsystemhadcrashedandI’dhadtoreschedulealloftoday’sappointments
outsideoftheoffice.

IlookedthroughmyplannertomakesureIdidn’thaveanymoremeetingsfortheday,and

suddenlyheardmyphoneringing.Ashley.

“Hello,Ashley.”
“ThisisCaroline.”Shescoffed.
“You’reusingAshley’sphone,Caroline.HowamIsupposedtoknowit’syou?”Icouldpractically

seehershrugginghershouldersandrollinghereyes.

“AshleyandIwouldliketoknowwhyweweren’tinvitedtoyourbacheloretteparty.Weareinthe

wedding,yourmaidsofhonoratthat.”

“Becauseyoucan’ttakeoffaweekfromschoolandmyfriendsdidn’tthinkitwasappropriatefor

youtwotocome.Andaftergoingthere,I’mcompletelysuretheymadetherightchoice.”

“Right...Anyway,I’mjustcallingtoletyouknowthatwegotyouremail.Weloveitandwethink

Jonathanwillloveittoo.”

“Youdidn’ttellhimanythingdidyou?”
“No...”Shesighed.“Althoughwearefindingitabitstrangethatwehearfromhimmorethanwe

hearfromyouthesedays.”

“What?That’snottrue!”
“Itistrue.Hecallsortextsuseveryday.”
“AndhesendsuscarepackageseveryMonday!”Ashleyyelledinthebackground.
“I’msorry...”Irealizedthattheywereright.LatelyI’donlybeencheckinginonthemonceor

twiceaweek,butIthoughtthatwaswhattheywanted.“I’lldobetter.Ipromise.I’llstartcallingyou

moreoften.”

“No,no,no.”Carolinecluckedherteeth.“Justsendussomecarepackages.Actually,nowthat

we’reonthesubjectofcarepackages...Jonathangivesusthreehundreddollarsaweekinhisboxes,
inadditiontoabunchofothernicegifts.Now,webothknowyoudon’tmakeasmuchashedoes,but
weknowyoumakeenoughtogiveustwohundredaweekwithoutbreakingasweat.So,we’re
thinking—”

Ihungupandsentthembothan‘Iloveyou’text.
Laughing,Istartedtoputmythingsaway.Ifeltsomethingbrushagainstmytable,andwhenI

lookedupIsawRyansittinginfrontofmewithasmugexpressiononhisface.

“Busyday,huh?”heasked.“You’vemetwithlotsofclients...”
“Fuckoff.”Istooduptoleave,buthegrabbedmyelbow.“Please,Claire.Twominutes...That’sit.”
Ilookedintohiseyes—thosefamiliargreenandgreyirisesthatIusedtolove,andsawaworld

fullofpain.Iwantedtowalkaway—knewIshould’vewalkedaway,butthelookinhiseyesmademe
feelsorryforhim.

“Twominutes.That’sit.”
“Thankyou...”Hewaitedformetositdownandslidacupofcoffeetowardsme.“DoesJonathan

Stathammakeyouhappy?”

“Hedoesn’tmakemecry.”Irolledmyeyes.“Ididn’tgiveyoutwominutesforadiscussion.”
“You’restillincapableofsmalltalk?”
“Withmyphilanderingex-husband?”
Hesighed.“Fairenough,Claire...I’vebeentryingtogetyourattentionforthepastfewweeks

because...Amanda’sill...”

“So?”Ishrugged.
“So?”
“Yes.So.Asin,whatdoesthathavetodowithme?”
“It’sfatal,Claire.”Itlookedlikeithurthimtosaythosewords,andforahalfsecondIfeltbadfor

her—forbothofthem.“Shewantstotalktoyou...”

What?!“Why?”
“Becauseyouwereherbestfriend...Heronlyfriend...”
“Wehadothermutualfriends.Whydoesn’tshewanttotalktothem?”
“Isyourheadreallystuckthatfarupyourassnow?”
Istooduptoleaveagain,buthegrabbedmyarmandclearedhisthroat.“Please,Claire.I’mso

sorry.Ididn’tmeantosaythat...”Helookedasifhewantedmetositbackdown,butIremained
standing.“Allofthemutualfriendswereonyourside.”

“Really?Iwonderwhy...”
“I’mnotaskingforyouandhertowatchchickflickstogetherandcry,andI’mnotaskingforyou

tobeBFFsagain.I’mjustaskingonbehalfofmywife—”

“Yourwife?Istillcan’tbelieveyoucansaythatwithoutashredofguiltcrossingoveryourface.

It’sdisgusting.”

“I’mjustaskingforyoutoseeher.Maybeevengrabsomelunchtogethernextweek?It’soneof

herdyingwishesandI’mdoingmybesttofulfillallofthem.”

“What?!Areyououtofyourfuckingmind?”Iscoffedandlefthimsittingatthetable.Icouldn’t

believehisnerve—toactasifIowedhimorAmandaadamnthing,tohavetheaudacitytoevenask
metodoanythingfortheirbenefit.

Isteppedoutsideoftheshopandopenedmyumbrella,walkingovertomycarinthepouringrain.

AsIunlockedthedoor,Ifeltstronghandsonmyshoulders—someonespinningmearound.

“Sparemethisstupidassactandstopbeingsofuckingchildish,Claire.”Ryanstoodunderneath

myumbrellaandgrippedmyarms.

“Excuseme?”Myeyeswidened.Hewasn’tbehavinganythingliketheRyanIknewyearsago—

thatRyanwouldnevergrabmelikethis.

“Ryan...I—”
“Youowemetwentyseconds.”Hehissed.“TwentyfuckingsecondsandI’mgoingtouseeverylast

oneofthem.Youhonestlythinkmarryingabillionairemeansyoudon’thavetocareaboutanything?
Youthinkitmakesyouabetterpersonnow?Itdoesn’t.”

“Iguessbeingalyingphilandererdoesthough,huh?Getthefuckoffofme.”Iraisedmykneeup,

fullyintendingtokickhiminhisballs,buthegrabbedmylegandmoveditaroundhiswaist,holding
itstiffly.

“Seriously,Claire?WereyoutryingtodowhatIthinkyouweretryingtodo?”
“Savethehumanracefrommorebastardoffspring?”
“Whendidyoubecomesuchabitch?”Hiseyesdarkened.“Areyoustillthatbitteraboutwhat

happenedbetweenus?Fiveyearsago?Youclearlycameoutalright.”Heglancedatmyengagement
ring.

“Getyourhandsoffofme,Ryan.”
Hedidn’tmoveback.Insteadhetightenedhisgriponmyarmandlegandspokeslowly.“Listento

me,Claire.”

Iconsideredspittinginhisface,butforsomereasonIcouldn’tmusterenoughsalivainmy

mouth.

“AmandaandImovedheresowecouldcommutebackandforthtoSt.Francis.”
Thehospital?
Henoddedasifhe’dheardmythought.“She’sbeenworkingatthatcateringshopparttimeto

keephermindoffofherupcomingtreatment...”Hesighed.“Shehasanotherbraintumor—a
malignantone.Wecameheretogetasecondopinionandtotryanewprocedurebecausenoneofthe
doctorsathomewilltouchit...”Hisvoicecracked.“Shejust...Shejustwantstoseeyouagain,justin
case—just...Younevergaveherachancetosayallshehadtosay.”

“Shewasfuckingyoubehindmyback!Therewasnothinglefttosay!”Itriedtowrigglefree

again,buthisgripwastootight.“Look.Ihonestlydon’twishheranyill-will,andasahumanbeingI
dohopewhatevertreatmentshe’shereforgoeswell.However,personally,youtwodon’texistinmy
worldanymoreandhersicknesshasnothingtodowithme.So,ifyoucouldpleaseletmegoandget
backtowhateverlifeyou’vebuiltwithAmandathatwouldbegreat.I’vegivenyoumorethantwenty
secondsandI’mnotgivingyouanymore.”

“Shewasyourbestfuckingfriend.”
“Was—justlikeIwasyourwife.Funnyhowonethree-letteredwordsayssomuch,huh?”
Hisfaceturnedredanditlookedlikehewasabouttoreallyloseit,butheleanedinclosersothat

wewerenosetonose—liptolip.“Stoppretendinglikeyoudon’tcare,Claire.Youdo.Icanseeitin
youreyes.”

“Areyousicktoo?PleasetellmeStFrancishasyouscheduledforafewnightsintheirpsych

ward—I’veheardtheygiveoutJell-Onow.Ischerrystillyourfavorite?”

“Allyouhavetodoistalktoherforfiveminutes.Itwon’tkillyou.”
“Yes,itwill.Now,please—”
Iheardtheshatteringofglasstomyright—hearditechoingthroughthewindandcuttingthrough

thesoundofpeltingraindrops.

IlookedoverandsawJonathanstandingunderneathablackumbrella,holdingontoasinglewhite

lily—theonlyonethathadn’tfallentotheground.

ImovedmylegfromaroundRyan’swaist,buthewasstillgrippingmyarmandpinningme

againstmycar.ItriedtocatchmybreathandfindtherightwordstosaytoJonathan,thewordsthat
wouldtellhimthatwhathewasseeingwasjustahugemisunderstanding.Butthewayhewaslooking
atmetoldmethathewouldn’tbelieveasinglewordIsaid.

Thelookonhisfacewasoneofanger,confusion,hurt.Helookedovermyfitteddress,atRyan’s

stance,atthesmallsliverofdistancethatwasbetweenthetwoofus.

“Getyourfuckinghandsoffofher.Rightnow.”HisvoicewascolderthanI’deverhearditbefore.
Ryanimmediatelymovedhishandsandsmiledanevilsmileatme.Itlookedlikehewasaboutto

saysomethingrude,butJonathanspokefirst.

“Ifyouvalueyourlife,Hayes—IsuggestyougetthefuckoutofmysightbeforeItakeitaway.”
RyanlookedatJonathanandrolledhiseyes,slowlybackingawayfromunderneathmyumbrella,

steppingoutintotherain.

Iwatchedhimfadeintotherushofumbrellaholdersthatwerenowrushingoutintotheparking

lot.IturnedtofaceJonathanagainandrealizedhewasstillstaringatme,lookingasifI’djustbroken
hisheart.

Hebentdowntopickupthewhiteenvelopethatwasontopoftheshatteredvaseandflowers.Then

heslowlystrolledovertomeandplacedthesinglelilyhewasholdingandthatcardontopofmycar.

Henarrowedhiseyesatmeandopenedhismouthtospeak,butnowordscameout.
“Jonathan...”Icouldseethehurtinhiseyes.“Letmeexplain...YouknowexactlyhowIfeelabout

—”

HewalkedawaybeforeIcouldfinishmysentence.

IrushedovertoJonathan’sofficeandstoppedatAngela’sdesk.I’dtriedtorunafterhiminthe
parkinglotminutesago,buthe’dslippedaway.

“MissGracen?”Shelookedupatme.“Areyouokay?Wouldyoulikemetohavesomeonebring

youasetofdryclothes?Acupofhotcoffeeperhaps?”

Ishookmyhead.Iwasdrenchedfromheadtotoe,butIwastoodistressedtofeelanything.
“IneedtospeaktoJonathan.”
Shesighedandlookeddownatherhands.“He’snotacceptinganyunscheduledappointments.”
“Bullshit,Angela.He’sbackthereandyouknowit.TellhimI’mhere.Now.”
Shepickedupherphone.“Mr.Statham?I...Yessir...”Sheputthephonedown.“Hetoldmetotell

youtogohome.”

Iswallowedandpulledmyphoneoutofmypocket,callinghimforthetenthtimesinceI’dleft

Starbucks.

Itdidn’tevenringtwice.Hehitignore.
“Angela,please...”Iknewshehadtheonlyotherkeytohisdoor.“CouldyoujustletmeinandI’ll

dealwithwhateverhesays?”

“I’msorry,MissGracen.Ican’taffordtolosethisjob.Hemadetheordersveryclear.”Shepulled

anotepadandanenvelopefromherdrawer.“Icanmakesurehegetsyourmessagethough.I’llmake
surehereadsit.”

Ifelttearsfallingdownmyfaceandnoddedtosay‘Thankyou.’Iscribbleddownmymessage,

signingitwithan‘Iloveyou’andthenIslowlydrovemyselfhome.Alone.

AndIkeptdrivingmyselftothesameemptyhousefortherestoftheweek...

ThursdaySeptember18,2014

Jonathan

Idon’thaveshittosay.

Chapter13

Jonathan

Istaredoutmyofficewindow,watchingheavysheetsofrainfalloverthecity.AshardasItriedto

rationalizewhatI’dseeninthatparkinglot,Icouldn’thelpbutfeelhurt.

Myheartdamnnearbrokeatthesightofseeingherwithsomeoneelse,butonceIrealizeditwas

him—herex-husband,itpracticallyshattered.

Whydidn’tshecallme?
Iknewtherehadtobealogicalexplanation—sometypeofreason,soIpickedupmyphoneto

callher,buttherewasalreadyacallwaiting.

“Hello?”
“Mr.Statham?”Itwasahighpitchedvoice.MissCorwin.
“Goodafternoon,MissCorwin.CanIhelpyouwithsomething?”
“Yes,Ium...I’vebeenleavingmessageswithyourfiancée,butshehasn’tgottenbacktome.I’llbe

stayingintownforthenextfewweeks,sowouldyoumindleavingmeaweddinginvitationwithyour
secretary?IaskedMissGracentomailmeone,butsheprobablyforgot.”

“Whenwasthis?”
“Whenwaswhat?”
“Whendidyouaskhertomailyoutheinvitation?”Iknewdamnwellwe’dmadeherone.Infact,

we’dmadeherten,justincaseshewantedtoincorporatethemintothereceptionspacesomehow.

“Um...Well,IaskedherthatnightyoucametoL.A.,remember?AndIcalledhertwoweeksago

aboutit.”

“Andyouneverreceivedit?”
“No...”Hervoicewassoft.“I’msorryifI’mcausingyouanytrouble...”
“It’snotrouble.I’llhaveitdeliveredtoyoupersonally.”
“Thankyou...”
IhungupandcalledMilton.
“I’monmywaytoyouroffice,Jonathan.”Hepickeduponthefirstring.“Noneedtoactlikeyou

actuallygiveadamnaboutmyfinancialreportstoday.”

“That’snotwhyI’mcalling.”
“Ofcourseitisn’t.Whatdoyouwant?”
“Haveyoureceivedmyweddinginvitationinthemailyet?”
TherewasasuddenknockonmydoorandIwalkedovertoanswerit.
“Wouldyoulikemetokeeptalkingintothephone?”Miltonwalkedintomyoffice.“Itwouldn’t

surprisemeifyoudid.”

“Didyoureceiveaweddinginvitation?”
Heshrugged.“No.”
“Areyousure?”
“I’mprettysure,butIdon’tneedoneofthosetobethereifthat’swhyyou’reasking...”
Ishookmyhead.“No...I’mjust...I’mjustwondering.”
HeaskedmetogivehimafewminutestogethisfilesorganizedandItookaseatatmydesk.I

sentoutatexttofivepeople,fivepeoplewhoIknewIhadpersonallytoldClairetoinvite—addresses

andall,andwaitedforthemtotellmeiftheyhadreceivedtheirinvitationinthemail.

Theirresponsescamebackinstantly:“No.”“No...”“No.”“Ineedaninvitationtogetin?”“No.”
Whatthefuck?!
IpreparedtotextAngelatogettothebottomofit,butIaccidentallyhitmyemailappandsawa

messagelabeled:URGENT.Itwasfromourcakedesigner:

To:Statham,Jonathan
From:ElegantCakes,Inc.
Mr.Statham,
MynameisJacquelineRussellandIamthemanagerofElegantCakes.Permyconversationwith

yourfiancéetwoweeksago,Iwantedtomakesurethatyouwerecancelingyourcompleteorderwhich
includes:Onefivetieredweddingcake,twothreetiereddreamcakes,andthecustomizedfrozen
anniversarycake.

Sinceyournameisonthecontractandwehaveyoursignatureonfile,we’llneedyoutoverifythat

thisinformationiscorrect.

We’resorrywewon’tbeabletoworkwithyouonyourspecialday,
Sincerely,
JacquelineR.
Mymindwasofficiallyblown.Icouldn’tbelievethisshit.
“Jonathan?Jonathan?”Miltonclearedhisthroat.“Areyouthere?”
Ishookmyheadandsighed.“Goahead...”
“Okay...”Miltonhandedmeafolder.“Insidethatfolder,you’llseethatI’veoutlinedyourcurrent

assets,totaledyourdomesticandforeignbankaccounts,andappraisedthecompany’sfutureearnings.
Asyoucanclearlysee,thefutureMrs.Statham’snameisnowheretobefoundbecausewell...Shedid
notcontributetoyougaininganyofthesethingsso...”

“Ithoughtthiswasastrategymeeting.”Irolledmyeyes.
“Itis.Angelainformedmethatyou’vecancelledallyourappointmentswiththemaritalattorney

asofthismorning.Isthattrue?”

“Yes.”
“Well,maybeyou’renotthinkingstraight...Letmehelpyouout:Yournetworthasofthisquarter

isninepointeightbillion.Yournetworth.WeliveinCalifornia,afifty-fiftysplitstate.”

“Milton...”
“Thatmeansthatifyoushouldevergetadivorce,your-ex-wifewillautomaticallybeentitledto

overfourbilliondollars.Ifyoulastformorethantenyearsandyourearningscontinuetogrowlike
theyhaveinthepast,you’relookingathandingoverseventoeightbillioneasily.Doyouunderstand
that?”

“Ido.”
“Gladtohearthat.I’llarrangefortheattorneytocomeback.”
“There’snotgoingtobeapre-nup,Milton.”
Hisjawdropped.“Ithoughtyoujustsaidyouagreedwithme.”
“Therecan’tbeapre-nupifI’mnotgettingmarried...”
“What?”Hegasped.“Youtwowerejusthereweeksagotellingmeabouttheweddingvenue...It’s

over?”

Ididn’tanswerhim.
“Jonathan?”
Isighed.“I’llcallyoulatertonighttogooverthatmistakeinthemasterfileyoumentionedatthis

morning’smeeting.Ihaveafeelingwe’llneedmorethanoneaccountingteamtosortthatout.”

Heopenedhismouthtospeak,butthenheshookhishead.Hetookhisfolderbackandpattedme

onmyshoulderbeforeleavingmyoffice.

Assoonasthedoorclosed,Ileanedbackinmychairandshutmyeyes.
Ican’tbelievethisshit...WhatthefuckisClairethinking?
Ididn’twanttojumptoanyconclusionsaboutthewedding,aboutmarryingClaire,butinvitation

andcakebullshitaside—whatshe’dpulledlastweekhadrockedmetomycore.

Atfirst,Ididn’twanttobelievethatI’dseenherandRyaninsideofStarbuckswhenIdroveby.I

refusedtobelieveit.So,I’ddrivenaroundtheparkinglot,tellingmyselfthatClaire—myClaire,
wouldhavecalledmethesecondRyanshowedupanywherenearher.Likeshepromised.

I’ddecidedthatmyeyeswereplayingtricksonmesoIsimplyparkedmycar.Withflowersin

tow,I’dheadedtowardstheStarbucks,butthenIsawheragain—withRyan,pressedupagainsthercar
withherfuckinglegaroundhiswaist,withherlipsinchesawayfromhismouth.

NomatterhowhardItried,Icouldn’tgetthatimageoutofmymind...
Ihadn’tbeenhomeinaweek,andIhadnoplanstoreturnanytimesoon.Iwastoodamnangryto

beanywherenearher.

Whenshe’dbrokenupwithmelastyearandwentherseparatewayforthreefuckingmonths,I

waslivid.Infuriated.Inconsolable.Butthisrecentstuntofherswas—therewerenowordsforthisshit.

Whatpartof‘Idon’tshare’doesshenotunderstand?Whatpartof‘CallmeASAPifRyanshows

up’isdifficulttocomprehend?

She’dbeensendingmenumeroustextmessagestoapologize,tryingtoexplainhersideofthe

storyandbegmetocomehome,butIneveranswered.AndIsenteachandeveryoneofherhourly
callsdirectlytovoicemail.

Ididn’twanttotalktoherrightnow.Ididn’twanttotalktoherever.
“Mr.Statham?”Angela’svoicesuddenlycameovertheintercom.
“Yes?”
“MissGracenis—”
“I’mnothere.”
“Sir,she’sstandingrightoutsideyourdoor.”
“I’m.Not.Here.”Igrittedmyteeth.“Areweclear?”
“Yessir...”
Iwaitedforanhour,untilIwassureClairewasgone,andthenIsteppedoutside.Iwalkedaround

thecornerandstoodatAngela’sdesk.“Didmy—”Istoppedmyself.I’dalmostsaidmywife.“Did
MissGracenleaveanothernote?”

“Yessir.”ShehandedmeafoldedsheetofwhitepaperandItookitintomyoffice.
IdebatedwhetherornotIshouldtossitintothetrashwithallherotherones,butIdecidedtoopen

it:

Jonathan,

Iknowyou’reveryangrywithme,butpleasegivemeachancetoexplainwhatyousawlast

Friday...I’msorryIeverallowedittohappen,andit’snotwhatyouthink.Ipromise.

Iloveyouandonlyyou,andIwishyouwouldcomebackhome...

Yours,

Claire

Icrumpledherletterintoaballandtosseditintothetrash.Itookadeepbreathandshookmy

head,tryingtothinkaboutwhatIneededtodotogetthisoffmymind.

IcalledAngelaback.
“Yes,Mr.Statham?”
“Isthesecurityteammeetingstillgoingonrightnow?”

“Yessir.”
Isighed.“Writethisdown:IwantlastMonday’sinteriorandexteriorsecurityvideofootagefrom

thePowellAvenueStarbucks—everythingbetweenthehoursoffouro’clockpmtoseveno’clock
pm.AndIwantaudio.TheverysecondthatCoreygetsoutofhismeeting,askhimtoputhisbestteam
onit.”

“Iwillsir.Isthatall?”
“No.”Iballedmyfists.“IwantthemtohackintoSmith&HayesAssociatesinPittsburghandget

meMr.Hayes’fullclientlist.Iwantthenameofeveryclientheworkedwithbeforehemadepartner,
eventheclientsheworkedforwhenhewasafuckingintern.Ialsoneedalistofeverysinglelawfirm
inPittsburgh—big,small,independent,commercial,everylastoneofthem.”

“I’llmakesureitgetsdone.Um...AreyoustillsendingflowerstoMissGracenthisweek?The

orderhastobeputinwithinthenexthalfhourifyoustillwanttosendsomething.”

Iwassilent.
“Mr.Statham?Isthatayesorano?”
Ishutmyeyesandtriedtoblockoutthispastweek.I’dnevermissedadaysendingClaireflowers.

EvenwhenshewasinCostaRica,I’dcalledalocalflowershopandmadesureshewokeuptoanew
setofbloomseverymorning.

Notsendingthemfeltwrong—hurtful,andeventhoughshe’ddamnnearmademecrylastFriday,

Icouldn’tbringmyselftosayno.

Isighed.“It’sayes,Angela...Butnonote—justtheflowers...”

Chapter14

Jonathan

“Youdon’tlooktoogood.”Hayleyslidabottleofwateracrossmydesk.“Andyoubarelyspoke

atthismorning’smeeting.Areyouokay?”

“No.”
“Areyoulivinginyourofficenow?Ihaven’tseenyourcarmoveallweekandyoudidn’tcome

overwithClairefordinnerlastnight...”

Ididn’tanswer.
Shesighedandwalkedaroundtomysideofthedesk.“Look,Iknowit’snoneofmybusiness...”
“Itisn’t.Didyoubreakupwithyoursecretboyfriendyet?I’venoticedthatyourworkhas

improvedfromterribletoaverage.”

“I’lltakethatasacompliment.”
Irolledmyeyesandopenedthewaterbottle.
“Mr.Statham?”Angelacalledovertheintercom.“Corey’shereforyourthreeo’clockmeeting.

ShouldItellhimyourmeetingwithHayleyisrunningover?”

“No,we’refinishedhere.Sendhimin.”
Hayleygavemeahugandsmiled.“Ididn’tspendsixhourstryingonbridesmaids’dressesfor

nothing,Jonathan.Youbettertalktoherandfixwhateveritis.Clairelovesyouandyouknowit.”

“Goodbye,Hayley.”
“Iloveyoutoo.”ShejumpedupandheadedforthedoorasCoreycamein.
ThenIlookedupandsawit.Plainandclear.ThewayHayley’seyeslitupasheheldthedooropen

forher,thewayhealmostleaneddowntokisshergoodbye,butheldbackandsmiledinstead.

What.The.Fuck.
Iwaiteduntilheclosedthedoor,untilhetookaseatatmydesk—directlyinfrontofme.
“So...”Heclearedhisthroat.“AbouttheMeyer ’saccount.Iwasthinkingwecouldinvestigatetheir

backgroundalittlemorebeforewefullycommit.Whatdoyouthink?”

“Areyoufuckingmylittlesister?”
“What?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“It’sayesornoquestion.Are.You.Fucking.My.Little.Sister?”
“I...It’snotlikethat.”
“Yesorno.”
Hesighed.“No...Not—”
“Yet?Youplanonfuckingmylittlesister?”
“Johnathan,man...It’snotwhatyouthinkitis.”
“ForyoursakeIwouldhopenot.”Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“Whenthefuckwereyougoingto

tellmeaboutthisshit?”

“Iwantedtotellyouweeksago,butIknewhowyouwouldreacttothis...WhatIhavewithHayley

isnothinglikewhatI’vehadwithallthosewomeninthepast.Andifyouwouldjustlistentomefora
secondIcanexplain.”

Icouldn’thearanythinghewassaying.TheonlythingIcouldfocusonwasbreakingeverysingle

boneinhisface,pushinghimoutthewindow,andwatchinghimfalltoanearlydeath.

Ididn’tcarehowlongthisshithadbeengoingonorwhy.Hewasn’tworthyofHayleyasfarasI

wasconcerned—bestfriendornot;especiallynotthesamebestfriendwhosebodycountwasmore
thanquadruplemine.

“Iwouldneverhurther,”hesaid.“Iswear.”
“Getthefuckoutofmyoffice.”
“Don’tdothis,man.Just—”
“Icanonlydealwithsomuchbadshitatatime,soexcusemeifIdon’twanttotalktotheman

whoisdaysawayfromfuckingmylittlesisterandhangingherheartouttodry.Justgetthefuckout.”
IturnedaroundinmychairandwaiteduntilIheardthedoorclose.

Isthisshitreallyhappening?
IpickedupmyphoneandcalledAngela.
“Yes,Mr.Statham?”
“DidMissGracensendoutamemotoeverypersoninmylifeandtellthemtomakemeas

fuckingmiserableaspossiblethisweek?”

“Um...Nosir.NotthatI’mawareof.”
“Canyoupleasecheck?”
“Yessir...Areyoustillmeetingwiththeringdesignerthisafternoon?”
“No.Cancelthatplease.”Ihungupandsighed.I’dcalledMissValentiyesterdaytoaskifClaire

hadeverstoppedbytodesignmyringand—surprise,surprise,shehadn’t.

IknewI’dpreviouslyjokedwithheraboutnotknowingwhoshewasanymorewhensherevealed

thatshe’dbeentakingeroticclasses,andwhenIfoundherinthatbondageroomatherbachelorette
party.Butwithourweddingfallingapartattheseamsandherex-husbandslippingintoherlifeagain,
IcouldhonestlysaythatIdidn’tknowwhoshewasrightnow.

Shewasn’tactingliketheClaireIloved...

Irolledoverinmybed,reachingforClaire—cursingatmyselfforevendoingthat.It’dbeenaweek
andahalfsincewe’dlastspokeandherphonecallstomestillcameeveryhouronthehour.

Iwasstillstayinginmyexecutivesuiteattheoffice,collectingthenotesshedroppedoffand

actuallyreadingthemorerecentones.Theoneshe’dsentyesterdayread,“Youaretheonlyloveof
mylife.Pleasehearmeout—Claire.”Andtheoneshe’dsenttodayread,“Imissedwhenyouusedto
sendnoteswiththeflowers...That’swhatmadethemspecial...”

Icouldpracticallypictureherfaceasshereceivedmynote-lessflowers,couldliterallyseeher

shakingherheadandtryingnottocry.Asmuchasithurtmetoknowthatshewasinpain,Icouldn’t
bringmyselftoconsoleherbecauseIwashurtingtoo...

Isighedandlookedatmywatch:2:58.EventhoughIwasstillhurt—beyondhurt,Ifiguredthat

whenshecalledthistime,Iwouldtrytopickup.

Atexactlythreeo’clock,myphonerangandIheldituptomyear.
“Hello?”Itriedtohidethepaininmyvoice.
“Hey,Jonathan.”ItwasCaroline.
“Caroline?Hey,howareyou?”
“I’mokay.MeandAshleywanttocomehomethisweekendandeatdinnerwithyouandmomif

that’sokay...We’rekindatiredofcampusfood.”

“That’dbefine.I’ll...I’llsetthatup.Isthatall?”
“Almost...DoyouthinkmeandAshareidentical-identicalorjustidentical?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Like,howlongdidittakeyoutofigureoutwhowaswhoafterwe’dmetyouforthefirsttime?”

“Aweek.”Ilaughed.“Why?”
“Goodenough.I’mgoingtoaskAshleytotaketherestofmytestsforStrategyPhysics.”
“Excuseme?”IheardhergaspandIknewshehadn’tmeanttosaythatlastsentenceoutloud.

“You’regoingtoriskexpulsion?Isthatwhatyoujustsaid,Caroline?”

“What?!No...”
“Youhavetensecondstotellmewhatthehellisgoingon.Don’tyoudarebullshitme.”
Shesighed.“ImissedthefirsttwoweeksofclassesbecauseIoverslept...Iwentoutpartyingevery

nightand—Imeanit’sPhysics,likemybestsubject.OrsoIthought...Ican’tgetintotheflight
programwithlessthanaBminus...”

“And?”
“Thisisn’tlikeregularphysics...It’sastrategiclevelcourse.It’snotabouthowmanyyougetright,

it’saboutwhichonesyougetright.ApparentlytheproblemsIpicktosolvearetheonesonlyworth
twopoints...”Hervoicecracked.“ThereareonlyfourteststhissemesterandIalreadyfailedthefirst
one.Terribly.IneedtomakeanAoneverysingleonetogettheBminusaverage...”

“ItakeitthatAshleyisn’tfailing?”
“Ha!Areyoukiddingme?”Shescoffed.“Ofcoursenot.Strategyisherbestasset.Shehasthe

highestscoreintheclass...Itriedtogethertohelptome,butIjustdon’tgetit...”

Isighedandshookmyhead,tellingherhowdisappointedIwasthatshewouldeventhinktoask

Ashleytocheatforher,andthatIwasupsetbecauseshewasn’ttakingcollegeseriously.Itoldherthat
Iwouldhireaprivatetutorforher,butshe’dhavetocommittotwentyhours’worthofsessionsa
week—atnight,duringpartyhours.Iknewthatwastheonlywayshe’dtakeitseriously.

Shesoundedlikeshewastryingnottocry,butIcouldtellthatshewas.“WhenwillIstartthe

tutoring?”

“Tonight.I’llhaveGregflyouttogetyou.I’llhelpyouwithsomeofithere.”
“Okay...Thankyou...”Shesniffledonemoretimebeforehangingup.
Claire’sfouro’clockcallcameacrossmyphoneandIwantedtopickitup,butIcouldn’t.
Instead,IorderedtwokettlesofCaroline’sfavoritehotchocolateandhadalocalcandystoreset

upasmallsweetsbarinmyoffice.Ifiguredthatalongnightofphysicsproblemswouldkeepme
fromthinkingaboutClaire.

Itwasalittleaftereighto’clockwhenIheardknockingatmydoor.
“Onesecond.”Isetafewcalculatorsdownonmydeskandopenedit.
ItwasClaire.AndCaroline.AndAshley.
“Helloladies.”IavoidedlookingdirectlyatClaire.Iknewshe’dbeencryingbythewayshe’d

donehermakeup,bythewayshe’dbrushedherhairoverherface,butIcouldn’tbringmyselftosay
anythingtoher.

“JustbecauseIhaveanAintheclassdoesn’tmeanthatIdon’twanttobewhiskedawayinthe

privatejet,Jonathan.”Ashleygrabbedachocolatestickfromthecandybar.“I’moffendedthatIdidn’t
getacall.Don’tyoulovemetoo?”

Irolledmyeyesandshowedthemovertomydesk.“Let’sgetstarted,shallwe?”
WhileCarolinetookoutherbooks,IletmyeyesfollowClaireovertothecouchwhereshewas

placingherheadonapillow.AsIwentoverproblemswiththegirls,shelaycurledupinaball,
watchinguswithoutsayingaword.

Asusual,AshleyandCarolineweregreatlearners.TheywatchedeveryequationIbrokedown,

andaskedquestionswhenevertheydidn’tunderstand.

Ittookawhile—fivehours,forCarolinetofinallygraspwhatshewasdoingwrong,butIgave

herproblemafterproblemtomakesureshewouldn’tforgetanytimesoon.

“Finally!Ittookyoulongenoughtofigurethatoneout!”AshleysmiledatCaroline’spaper.“I

thinkweshoulddothisagainnextweekend.DoyouknowhowmanypicturesIputuponTwitterof
thetwoofusinyourjet?Waituntilpeopleseethatwecandothatanytimewewant...”

“Yourmodestyneverceasestoamazeme.”Ishookmyheadatherandstoodup.“Doyouthink

youhaveabetterhandleonitnow,Caroline?”

Shenodded.“Yes,thankyousomuch...”
“Anytime.I’llhaveatutorforyoutomorrownight.Gregiswaitingdownstairstotakeyouback

totheairstrip.”

TheybothhuggedmeandClairebeforewalkingoutofmyofficeandIfeltmyheartswelling.I

wasstillgettingusedtohavingafamily,butIlikedit.Alot.

AssoonasIheardthepingoftheelevators,IturnedaroundandlookedatClaire.Inarrowedmy

eyesatherandtriedtowalkover,butIcouldn’tdoit.

Istilldidn’thaveanythingtosay.
Iwalkedintomyexecutivesuiteandlayacrossmybed.I’dhopedshewouldsimplyfallasleepon

thecouchandletmetalkwheneverIwasready,butIfeltherslippingintobednexttome.

“Pleaseletmeexplain,”shewhispered.
Ididn’tsayanything.
“IwasleavingStarbuckswhenheshowedup...Hesatdownatmytableandaskedmetogivehim

twominutestotalk.Ididn’twantto,andIswearIwasn’tgoingto,buttherewasthislookinhiseyes.”

“Isthereapointcoming?”
Shetookadeepbreath.“ItoldhimtosaywhateverhehadtosayandwhenhetoldmeAmanda

wasterminallyill...Ifeltbad,butIleftanyway...Thenhefollowedmetomycarandwestarted
arguing...Itriedtofighthimoff,buthe—”

“Doyoustillhavefeelingsforhim,Claire?”Ifinallyturnedaroundtofaceher.“Don’ttellme

whatyouthinkIwanttohear.Tellmethefuckingtruth.Eventhoughherippedyourhearttothepoint
whereIhadtofightyoueveryinchofthewaytoputitbacktogether,eventhoughhecheatedonyou
withyourbestfuckingfriendandleftyoumiserableforyears,doyoustillhavefeelingsforhim?”

“No!No,Ipromise.There’snothingthere.”
“Areyousure?Isthereareasonwhyyoustillhaven’tdesignedmyweddingband?Whythe

invitationsIcould’veswornyousentoutweeksago,havestillnotarrivedinanyofmyfriends’
mailboxes?Orbetteryet,canyoupleaseexplainwhythecakeswebothagreedonwerecanceledas
oftwoweeksagoandyouchosenottotellme?”

“Jonathan—”
“Whatthefuckistheproblem,Claire?Whyareyouself-sabotagingtheweddingyoubeggedme

tohave?”

“I’mnotsabotaginganything—Iwouldnever...It’sjust...Ican’texplainitrightnow,butasfaras

Ryangoes,youcan’tpossiblythinkthatI—”

“ThemomenthesatdownatyourtableatStarbucks,orthemomentyoudecidedtohaveachat

withhim—howeverithappened,youshould’vecalledmeimmediately.Period.Youdon’tbelongto
himanymore.Youhavenoobligationtohimandyoudon’towehimafuckingthing.Youaremine
andthisisthelasttimethatI’mgoingtore-iteratethatfacttoyou,Claire.Mine.Nothis.Notanyone
else’s.”Iclenchedmyjaw.“Doyoustillnotunderstandwhatthatmeans?”

“Yes...”shemurmured.
Irolledmyeyesandgotoutofthebed.“Ihavesomeworktodo.DoyouneedGregtotakeyou

homewhenhegetsback?”

“No...Iwanttostayherewithyou...”
“Fine.”Ipulledablanketoverherandtuckedherin.ThenIhandedhertheremote.“Goodnight.”

Iwalkedintomyofficeandtookoutabottleofscotch.Ipouredmyselfaglass,downedit,and

thenquicklypouredanother.

Whyisshesofuckinginfuriating?Whydoesshestillhavethepowertogettomelikethis?
Isatdownatmydeskandstartedgoingovermylatestproduct’snumbers.Iturnedonmylaptop

andspottedthevideothatthesecurityteamhadmadeformefromStarbucks,thevideoIstillcouldn’t
bringmyselftowatch.

“Jonathan...”Claire’ssoftvoicemademelookup.
“Yes,Claire?”
“Areyougoingtositouthereandstaymadatmeallnight?”Hervoicecracked.“Orarewe

goingtotalkabouteverythingsowecanfixthis?”

Ididn’tanswer.Ijuststaredather.
“Fine.”Sheshruggedastearsfelldownherface.“I’mgoingtocheckintotheFairmonthotelfor

therestoftheweekbecauseIcan’ttakelivinginourhousealoneanymore.Ifyouwanttotalktome,
that’sexactlywhereI’llbe...AndifyouwanttocanceltheweddingbecauseyouhonestlythinkIwould
choosemypieceofshitex-husbandoveryouorthatIwouldpurposelytrytoruinourspecialday,
then—”Shecouldn’tevenfinishhersentence.

Shelookedatmeinutterpainandittookalotformenottostandupandcomforther,formenot

towrapherinmyarmsandtellhertostaythenightwithme.Yet,myheartwasamessandshehadn’t
answeredanyofmyquestionsabouttheinvitationandcakeissues.

Noddingherheadslowly,shesaid,“IhopeI’llseeyouinmyroomsoon”beforewalkingoutof

myofficeintears.

Chapter15

Claire

IwokeupinthemiddleofthenightandreachedforJonathan—turningovertoseeifhe’dfinally

cometothehotel,buthewasn’tthere.

Idraggedmyselfoutofbedandintothelivingroom,hopingtoseehimwaitingintheliving

room,buttheonlythingnewwasanotefromthefrontdesk:“Thankyouforallowingustobeyour
temporaryhome,Mrs.Statham.Wehopethatyoukeepusinmindforfuturestays.”

Isighed.I’dbeentoomiserabletorealizethatI’dneverformally“checkedin.”AssoonasI’d

arrived,valethelpedmeoutofthecarandthemanagerhadpersonallywalkedmeuptomyroom.No
questionsasked.

Hecancallthehotelbuthecan’tcallme?
Ilookedintothesmallfoyerandsawthathe’dsentanotherbouquetofflowersformetoday—like

he’dbeendoingallweek,buttherewasnonote.Nothing.

Iheadedforthebathroomandimmediatelyturnedonthehotwater.Iwasgoingtoneedonehell

ofabubblebathtogetbacktosleep.

Tossingmyrobeoff,IsteppedintothetubandletthewaterriseovermeasIsatthere.Stunned.
Whilehehadeveryreasontothinkthattheweddingarrangementswereodd,hehadtoknowthatI

wouldnevergiveRyanthetimeofdayagain,thatIwouldneverallowhimtowalkbackintomylife
foranyreasonwhatsoever.Thenagain,everytimeIthoughtabouthowthetwoofusmusthave
lookedinthatparkinglot,myheartsankalittle.

Sonofabitch...
ApartofmewantedtofindoutwhatroomAmandawasstayinginsoIcouldfinishoffherlife

forherandgiveRyansomethingelsetofocuson,butIdidn’twanttofaceanypartofmypastagain;
Ryanhadalreadydoneenough.

Asthehotwaterroseuptomychestandgrazedthenecklacehe’dgivenme,Istretchedmyfoot

outtoswitchoffthelever.AndbeforeIknewit,Iwascrying.Hard.

Theentireweekthathehadn’tbeenathomehadbeentheworstweekI’dhadinyears.Icouldn’t

sleep,Icouldn’teat,andeachtimehehitignoreonmyphonecalls,IfeltlikeIcouldn’tbreathe.

Hewasmyeverythingandtheverythoughtofhimnottrustingme–himnottalkingtome,wastoo

painfultothinkabout.

IthurtevenmorewhenAshleyandCarolinecalledmetotellmeaboutthelatestcarepackages

he’dsent,howthey’dspokentohimeverydaylastweek.

“HetoldusyourfirstdatewasontheGoldenGateBridge!Whydidn’tyoutellusthatbackthen?”

“Wereminiscedforhours,youshould’veheardus!”“He’sbeingprettytightlippedaboutthewedding
lately...Heprobablyhasasurpriseforyou...”“Couldyoutellhimtocallusviavideochattomorrow
night?Andtellhimwesaidwelovehimsincewe’regoingtobeoutofrangefortherestoftheday?”

Iscrubbedaloofahallovermybodyanddecidedtocutmybubblebathshort.Ineededtogofora

run.Now.

Islippedbackintomyrobeandpickeduptheroomphone.
“FairmontFrontDesk,”awomananswered.“HowmayIhelpyouMrs.Statham?”
“It’sMissGracen.”

“I’msorry,MissGracen.HowmayIhelpyoutoday?”
“Doyouallhaveagiftoraclothingshopdownstairs?”
“Wedoma’am.Ourgiftshopfeaturescitycollectiblesandsnacks,andourclothingshopisamix

ofswimwearandlightseasongearatthemoment.Wouldyoulikeustoshuttheshopdownsoyou
canshopprivately?”

“Oh...No,that’sokay.Iwasjustwonderingifsomeonecouldbringmeatracksuitinamedium

size.Justplaceitonmyroomtab.”

“Rightaway,MissGracen.”Shewaitedformetohangupfirst.
Ipulledmyhairintoamessyknotandsplashedmyfacewithcoldwatertogetsomeofthe

rednessoutofmyeyes.Ifitwasn’tforthewaytheylooked,Icould’vepassedasperfectlyhappyright
now.

BeforeIcouldbeginmynextseriesofcold-waterfaceshots,therewasaknockatmydoor.
Imadesuremyrobewassecuredandrushedovertoopenit.
“Goodevening,MissGracen.”Thebellmanhandedmefiveblackwardrobebags.“Weweren’t

surewhatcoloryouwouldlikesowebroughteachone.”

“Thankyouverymuch.”Ihandedhimatip.
“There’sanindoorrunners’parktwomilesdown.Wouldyoulikeoneofourdriverstoescort

youtheresinceit’sraining?”

“No,that’sokay...I’mjustgoingtogoforashortwalk...Ihaveanumbrella.Thankyouverymuch

though.”IsmiledasIshutthedoor.

Ididn’tcarethatitwasraining.Ineededtobeoutsidewithfreshair.Besides,Ididn’tfeellike

beingaroundotherpeople.Iwantedtobealone.

IslippedintothetracksuitandputonthetennisshoesGreghadbroughtmeearlierintheweek.I

grabbedmyfavoriteumbrellaandmymusicandlookedaroundformyroomkey.

Suddenlytherewasanotherknockatmydoor.
DeepdownIwisheditwasJonathan,butIknewthefrontdeskwasprobablydeliveringanotherset

offlowerslate,soIdraggedmyselftothedoorandopenedit.

Ryan?!
“Claire,canwepleasetalk?”
Islammedthedoorinhisfaceandturnedaway.
IrealizedthedoormusthavebouncedbackbecauseIsuddenlyfelthimwalkingbehindme.
“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?”Isnapped.
“Pleaselistentome...”Thereweretearsinhisvoice.“Claire,canwe...Canwepleasebecivilfor

fiveminutes?”

“We’vegonefromfivesecondstofiveminutes?Please.”Itriedtowalkpasthim,butheputhis

handsonmyshoulders.

“Shedoesn’twanttodieknowingthatyoustillhateher...”Henarrowedhiseyesatme.“Youdon’t

havetomeanit...Youcouldjustsayyouforgiveher.”

“Allbullshitaside,Ryan.”IgavehimthemeanestlookIcouldmanage.“Fiveyearsago,I

would’vewantedtodiehappilymarriedtoyou.Butwedon’talwaysgetwhatwewant,dowe?Tell
hertosuckthatshitup,orbetteryet,whydon’tyouhaveoneofherfriendssuckyouoffandthenshe
canfeelexactlyhowIfeel.”Ilefthimseethinginthelivingroomandrushedintotheadjoiningroom
—whereanotherdoortothehallwaywas.

Iunlockedthechainatthetopofthedoorandpulleditopen.Irantowardstheelevatorsandtexted

Gregthenumber“9”—codeforemergency.Ipressedthedownbuttonfrantically,hopingacarwould
comebeforeRyanfoundme.

“Youwereneverthismean,Claire.”Heroundedthecorner.“Whathappenedtoyou?”

“Iguesssomepeoplebringouttheworstinyou.Isitreallysurprisingthatalow-lifecheating

fuckwouldmakemebehavelikeabitch?”

Henarrowedhiseyesatmeandstrolledover,pushingmeagainstthewallbymyshoulders.“If

youwanttobeacold-heartedbitchfortherestofyourlife,andifyouwanttomarrythatassholeofa
manyoucallyourfiancé—that’sfine.Butwhatyou’renotgoingtodoisdisrespectme.I’vehadyou
—beforehim,andIknowwhothefuckyouare.You’recomingwithmetoseeAmandawhetheryou
likeitornot.Now.”

Itriedtofighthimoffofme—beatingmyfistsagainsthischestandtryingtokneehim,buthe

heldmestillandchangedthetoneofhisvoice.

“Claire...Pleasejust—”
“Stopfuckingtalkingtome,Ryan!”Iwascryingangrily.“You’vedoneenough!”
“Fiveminutes...Youcan’tgiveherthat?”
“NO!”Itookafewdeepbreathsandtriednottoscream.“IhaveabrandnewlifenowandIdon’t

needyouorAmandainitforanylongerthanyou’vealreadybeen.Youarebothfuckingscumand
herbeinginsurgerydoesn’tchangeshitaboutwhatyoutwodidtome.JustlietoherandsayI
forgaveher,justlikeyouliedtome.Itshouldn’tbethathardforyou.”

“Listen...”Hesuddenlyreleasedhisgrip.“Iknowyoudon’thonestlyfeellikethat.”
Islidpasthimandrantowardstheemergencystairwell,hopingthathewouldjustgiveupand

leavemealone.

ImadeitthroughthedoorandwashalfwaydownaflightofstairswhenIfelthimgrabbingmy

arm—twistingitharshly.

“Help!Helpppp!”IscreamedasloudasIcould,buthedidn’tseemfazedatall.
Insteadhesqueezedmyarmevenharderandpulledmeclosetohim.“I’vechangedalotinthe

pastfewyears...”Helookedpossessed,andhewasreallyhurtingme.“Inwaysyoucan’tevenbeginto
imagine,Claire.Wecandothistheeasywayorthehardway,but—”

Ibroughtmyotherarmupandslappedtheshitoutofhim.
Hiseyesdarkenedandhehissed.Shocked,heletmegoandpushedmeawayfromhim—hard.
Itriedtobracemyselfagainstthewall,butIcouldn’t.Ilostmyfootingandfeltmyselfquickly

tumbling,tumbling,tumbling—untilIfeltsharppainsallover,untileverythingwentblack.

Chapter16

Claire

“MissGracen?”Asoftvoicesaid.“MissGracen?Canyouhearme?”
Igroanedandslightlyopenedmyeyes,shuttingthemonceabrightlightseepedin.
“Doyouknowwhereyouare?”
Ikeptmyeyesshut.Icouldn’tspeak.
“CouldsomeonegetmeafreshIV?”“Leavethemonitoraloneplease.”“Didshehaveacell

phonewhenshewasbroughtin?AnythingelsebesidesherID?”

Therewereclickingsoundsandannoyingbeepingnoisesthatseemedtogetlouderandlouder

witheachsecond.

Ifeltasharppiercingpaininmyrightarmandforcedmyeyesopentoseeanursepushinga

needleintomyskin.

Thesoftvoicethathadspokenbefore,spokeagain.“You’reatSt.Francis,inanintensivecare

unit.Okayhoney?”

Sheaskedmemorequestions—somethingabouthowIwasfeelingandifIwasseeingincolor,

butallIcoulddowaswonderaboutwhatthefuckhadhappened.

ThelastthingIheardheraskwas“Canyoufeelthis?”beforeeverythingaroundmewentblack.

“MissGracen?”Thatfamiliarsoftvoicewokemeup.

Inoddedandopenedmyeyes.ThistimeIwasabletokeepthemopenandactuallyseethewoman

Iwasspeakingto:Apetitebrunettewithabrightredheadbandandamatchingnametagwithhearts
aroundit—DoctorPhillips.

“Canyoufeelanythingrightnow?”Shetouchedmyforehead.
Itriedtoshakemyhead,buttherewassomethingholdingmyneckinplace.“No...”Imurmured.
“Well,good.I’mgoingtokeepyouonthemorphinedripforadayortwo,andthenI’llhaveto

prescribesomepainmedicationforyoutotakehome.You’reveryluckythatyouonlyhavea
concussionandafewseveresprains.”

“What?”Icroaked.
Sheraisedhereyebrowandremovedaclipboardfromunderneathherarms.“You’vesprained

bothyourankles,youhaveadislocatedshoulder—yourleftone,interiorbruisingonyourback,a
severenecksprain,andaconcussion.Notbadforfallingdowntenflightsofsteps.LikeIsaid,very
lucky.”

Iblinked.Iwastoonumbtosaysomethingsmarttoherrightnow.
Shewalkedaroundthebedside—whereIcouldn’tturnmynecktoseeher,andthenshestepped

backintomysightandhandedmemycellphone.“Ihadtoputitonsilentbecauseitkeptringing.Is
thereanyoneyouwouldlikemetocallforyouandletthemknowyou’rehere?Yourfiancée
maybe?”Shelookedatmyengagementring.

Itookmytimetappingmyscreen,typingthewords“Mydaughters...AshleyandCaroline”before

holdingoutthephonetoher.

“Okay.I’lldothatrightnow...”Shesmiledandscrolledthroughmycontacts.“HellomayIspeak

toAshleyplease?No,thisis...No,I...Yourmomisinthehospital,hun.Shecan’tspeakrightnowbut
shewantsyoutoknowshe’sokay...Calmdown,calmdown...Well,yes...Shewantedmetocallyouand
yoursistertoletyouknow...StFrancisHospital,roomfiftythirty,eastwing.Okaysweetheart.
Goodbye.”

Sheadjustedmypillowandhandedthephonebacktome.“Anyoneelse?”
Itypedmymotherandshecalledandleftavoicemail.Afterthat,IaskedhertocallRita—typing

“takeoverformethisweek”asthemessageIwantedtogive.AndafterIhadhercallGreg—who
apparentlyhadbeeninthewaitingroomsinceIarrivedlastnight,Imanagedasmiletoletherknow
thatwasit.

“Youdon’twantmetocallyourfiancée?”Sheclearedherthroat.
Ilookeddownatmyphoneandscrolledthroughmymissedcalls:Greg,Greg,Greg,Ryan,Greg,

Greg,Greg,Ryan.Therewereafewcallsfrommybusiness,butnotasinglecallfromJonathan.

Ityped“NO”ontomyscreenandheldituptoher.
“Okaythen...Well,I’llbebacktocheckonyoushortly,MissGracen.Ifyoucanthinkofanything

elseyoumaywant,justhitthebluecallbuttonontheremoteandoneofthenurseswillseethatyou
getit.”

Ismiledagainandshelefttheroom.
I’dheardherlistallmyinjuries,butitseemedsosurreal,especiallysinceIcouldn’t“feel”

anything.MybodywassonumbIcouldbarelyfeelmytonguelickingmylips.

Confused,Islowlyliftedmyrighthandinfrontofmyfaceandstaredattheminigrayremote

they’dsecuredinthemiddleofmypalm.Therewerefourbuttons:“CallNurse”“Television”
“Volume”“Lights”

Ihitthetelevisionbuttonandheldthelightsbuttonuntiltheroomwentcompletelydark.Asluck

wouldhaveit,theTVwasalreadysetonHGTVandamarathonofoneofmyfavoriteshows—Yard
Crasherswason.

Ilaythereinbedforhours,watchingthemremodelyardafteryard,untilIcouldn’tholdmyeyes

openanymore.

“DoyouthinkshewantsthatJell-O?”“Probablynot...She’sneverreallylikedJell-O.”“Doyouthink
shewantsthatchicken?”“Wecouldjustaskthenursetobringhersomemore...”

IopenedmyeyesandsawAshleyandCarolinetakingspoonfulsofmygreenJell-O.Itriedtosit

up,butCarolineshookherheadandgasped.“Stop.You’reonlygoingtohurtyourself.Theytoldus
you’renotsupposedtomove.”

Sighing,Inoddedandclearedmythroat.“Whendidyougethere?”
“Lastnight.Jonathanflewusinrightafterwetalkedtothenurse.”“Hegotusaroomatthe

Marriottacrossthestreet.”

SoheknowsI’mhereandhe’snotbymyside?
“Oh...”Mythroathurt.“Well,that’sgreat.”
Theyexchangedglances,andasiftheycouldreadmymind,Ashleypouredmeaglassofwater

andCarolineadjustedmypillowsoIcouldsitupanddrink.

“Grandma’sonherwayovertoo.”Ashleysaid.“Weallcamebyearliertodaybutyouwouldn’t

wakeup...Areyouinpain?”

“No...”
“Theytoldusyou’regoingtohavetostayhereforafewmoredaysandthatyou’llhavetoweara

slingforacoupleweeks.”“Theysayyou’llbehealedintimetowalkdowntheaisle...”

I’mnotwalkingdowntheaisle...“Theytoldmethattoo...”
“Theydid?”Carolinesmiled.“Well,whenyougetachancemaybeyoucanexplainthatto

Jonathan.Heseemstothinkthey’relying.Hewantsthemtoruneverytesttheyhave.”

Iwantedtolaugh,buteventhatwastoohard.AndtherewasnothingfunnyaboutJonathanStatham

rightnow.

“We’regoingtorundowntothecafeteria.”Ashleylookedintomyeyes.“Canwegetyou

anything?Soupmaybe?”

“Nothankyou.”
“Ithinkweshouldgethersomeanyway.”“Metoo,she’sprobablytootiredtorealizethat’swhat

shewants.”

Irolledmyeyesastheywalkedoutoftheroom,andbeforeIcouldturnthelightsoff,Isaw

Jonathanstandinginthedoorway.

Ilookedawayandstaredstraightahead,pressingtheTVbuttononmyminiremote.Iwouldhave

ratherwatchedthepaintmixingshowthantalktohimrightnow.

“Claire...”Hisvoicewaslow.
Ididn’tanswer.Icouldn’tbelievehe’dignoredallmycallsfortwoweeks,couldn’tbelievehe

hadn’tcalledafternothearingfrommeinalmosttwodays.

“Claire,howareyoufeelingtoday?”Hisvoicewashoarse.
Iturnedthevolumeup.
“You’renottalkingtome?”
“I’vebeencallingyoufortwoweeks.”IkeptmyeyesgluedtotheTV.“I’veclearlybeentryingto

talktoyou.”

Iheardhimwalkingclosertome,felthimbrushingahandagainstmycheek.“I’vebeencalling

youaswell.Icalledassoonasyoudidn’tcallmeonthehourlikeyou’vebeendoing...Youdidn’t
answer.”

“No.Youdidn’t.”Irolledmyeyes.“Youdon’thavetolie.Justadmitthatyou’refuckingselfish

andyouwantedtocontinuemakingmesuffer.”

“Excuseme?”
“Youheardme.”Iignoredthepaininmythroat.“Icanunderstandyoubeingmadaboutme

talkingtoRyan,reallyIcan.AndIamsosorrythatIhurtyourfeelingsbytalkingtohimatall.Itwas
amistakeonmypartandIshouldn’thavegivenhimasecondofmytime,butthatwaslastweekand
youhaven’tcalledmeatallthisweek.Whatthefuckiswrongwithyou?”

“Claire...”
“EvenRyanhascalledmesinceI’vebeenhere—fuckingRyan!Andapparentlyhe’sthereason

whyI’minhere!”Inoticedhiseyeswereblazing.“Ihaven’tcalledhimbackandI’mnevergoingto,
but...Youhaven’tcalledmesinceIgothere—hereinthefuckinghospital,Jonathan.I’vebeenherefor
twodaysand...”Itriednottocry.“Youjust...Didn’tyouthinksomethingwaswrongwhenallmy
phonecallssuddenlystopped?Huh?Orareyouthatself-absorbedtowhereyoucanonlyfocuson
youranger?Evenwhenyourso-calledfiancéeisinthehospital?”

Hesighedandopenedhismouthtospeak,butIcuthimoff.
“Howlongwereyougoingtoletmestayatthathotelbymyself?Howlongwereyougoingto

keepsendingmenote-lessflowersandignoringmyfuckingcalls?”

“Claire...”
“Youwanttoknowwhynoonegottheirweddinginvitationsinthefuckingmail?”Ididn’tcare

thathewasnarrowinghiseyesatme.“It’sbecauseIdidn’tlikethegoddamnpaperinvitations,
Jonathan.Theyweren’tus,soIthoughtIwoulddosomethingdifferent.Icalledeveryoneweinvited
andtoldthemthedateandvenueinformation.Isaidweweren’tsendingoutformalinvitations,and

thattheywouldgetsomethingafewweeksbeforethewedding...Itoldthemnottosayanythingtoyou
aboutitbecauseIwantedittobeasurprise...”

“I’mawareofthatnow,Claire.Justlistentome.”
“No...Doyouknowhowmuchtimeittookformetodesignfivehundredseahooks?Fivehundred

seahooksthat’llformtogetherasonehugeseahookwithourinitialsacrossthefront?Doyouknow?
Doyou?”

Hesighed.
“Asfarasourcakegoes...”Iwasn’tbackingdown.“Idon’tknowwhatthehellhappenedwiththat,

becauseIonlymeanttocanceloneofthem...AnddoyouhonestlythinkIwouldwaituntilthelast
minutetodesignyourweddingband?Really?Ididn’twanttouseValenti’s—Iwantedtofindaplace
onmyown.Butyou—youwouldn’tevenlistentome.Youdidn’tevengivemeachance...”Myvoice
cracked.“Ican’tbelievethatyou’resoselfish...Asamatteroffact,Idon’twantyouhererightnow.
Getout...TellGregtocomeinsoIcanthankhimforbeinghereforme.He’sbeeninthewaiting
roomsinceIgothere,whereyoushould’vebeen.”

Therewashurtinhiseyesashetuckedmeunderneaththecovers.
“Getout,Jonathan.Ionlywanttobearoundpeoplethatcarerightnow...”
“Imadeittothehospitalbeforeyoudid,Claire.“Hisvoicewaslow.“Iwaswaitingonyoutoget

here...”

What?Itriednottolookshocked,butIcouldtellhe’dreadmymind.
“IwasonmywaytotheFairmonttotalktoyousowecouldmake-upbecausebeingwithoutyou

—whetherI’mmadatyouornot,isstillunbearable...IwastwentyminutesawaywhenIgotacall
frommysecurityteamtellingmethatyou’dbeenpusheddownthesteps.”

“Idon’thaveanymissedcallsfromyou.”Isaidflatly.
“IwasusingGreg’sphone.Hesmashedmine.”
“Byaccident?”
“Gregneverdoesanythingbyaccident.”Herolledhiseyes.“Iwastryingtocallafewspecial

peoplethatwouldbeattheshitoutofRyananddumphisbodyinthesea.Heranoffoncethemedics
came,afterhetoldthemthathedidn’tmeantodoit—thatitwasanaccident...”

“Islappedhim...Ishouldn’thavedonethat.”
Hepressedhisfingersagainstmylips.“I’vebeensittingrightovertheresinceyou’vebeeninthis

room.”Hepointedtothecorner,butIstillcouldn’tmovemyneck.“ItoldthemIwasn’tleaving
unlessyouwerecomingwithme.”

“Yousawmetellthenursenottocallyou?”
Henoddedandnarrowedhiseyesatme.
“Whydidn’tyousaysomething?”
“Iwasinshock.”Helookedhurt.“Icouldn’tbelieveyou’dsaidthat—thatyoudidn’twanttocall

mefirst.”

“I’msorry.”
“Youshouldn’tbe...”Hebrushedhisthumbagainstmycheek,whispering,“Ideservedit...I’mso

sorry,Claire.Thisshould’veneverhappened...”

Westaredintoeachother ’seyes,notsayinganythingfurther.ThenIrememberedsomethinghe’d

saidearlier.

“HowdidyoursecurityteamknowthatI’dfallendownthestepsthatsoon?”Iasked.“Youhad

themwatchingme?”

“Notwatchingyou.Protectingyou.”Heheldmyhand.“Apparentlytheywereonacoffeebreak

whenRyancametoseeyou...”

“Aretheyalwayswatchingme?”

Hedidn’tanswer.Hesimplyranhisfingersagainsttheslingonmyleftarmandshookhishead.

“I’msorrytheyweren’tabletopreventthis...Theyshould’veneverletRyangetthatclosetoyou...”

“Youfiredthem?”
“Onthespot.”Hekissedmyforehead.“We’lltalkabouteverythinglater.Justrest.”
“CouldyouaskthedoctorshowmuchlongerI’mgoingtobehere?Thenumbnessisstartingto

wearoff.”

“Afewmoredays.”Helookedsaddened.“Butlet’snotfocusonthat.I’dratherknowwhyyou

didn’tshowupforourmeetingwiththeweddingplanneronWednesday.”

“Ithoughttheweddingwasoff.”
“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”
“Igotacallaboutyoucancelingourmeetingwiththemaritalattorney,andsinceyoudidn’tshow

upforthefinaltourofthevenuetheotherday...”

“Icanceledthemaritalattorneyappointmentbecausehewantedmetosignapre-nup,notbecause

Idon’twanttomarryyou.”Heshookhishead.“AndIdidshowuptothevenue—ontime.Youmust
havebeenlatebecauseIwaitedforyouforoveranhour...”Hesmiled.“Imadeapromisetoyou,and
whetherI’mupsetwithyouornot,you’restillthestubbornloveofmylife...Doyoustillwantto
marryme,Claire?”

“Yes...”
Hebentdownandkissedmycheek.“Wouldyouliketopushtheweddingback?”Helookedover

mybody.“Untilyoufeelbetter?”

“No.”
Heraisedhiseyebrow.
“Idon’twanttowaitanylonger—fourweeksislongenough.”
Hesmiledandkissedmyforehead.
“Youdidn’tchangeanythinginthatlastmeetingwithMissCorwindidyou?”
“Ididactually.”Hesmirked.“Quiteafewthings.”
Iwasalertnow.“Afewthingslikewhat?”
“Likethewaytheroomwillbesetup,thedancefloorinscription,thelighting...”
“So,youprettymuchchangedeverything?”
“Iguessso.”Hekissedmycheek.“Ididn’thavemuchhelpthatday.”
“Jonathan,yousaidIcouldchooseeverything.Ihadtheperfectideasforthereception,andfor

youtogoand...Ican’tbelieveyou.Youjusthavetocontrolsomethingdon’tyou?”Igroanedandhe
walkedovertoturntheTVoff.

“Iwasn’tdonewatchingthat,andI’mnotdonetalkingtoyouaboutourweddingreception.Can

yougetheronthephonesoshecanexplainwhatyouchangedandIcanmakesureitallmatches?”

“No.”Hehitthelights.
“Canyouatleasttellmethespecificsthen?It’snotthatIdon’ttrustyourtastebut—”Ifelthislips

coveringmine—softly,tenderly,asifhewantedtobeascarefulaspossible.

“Gotosleep,Claire.”

Chapter17

Claire

Twoweekslater...

Islowlywalkedacrosstheroom,ignoringthefaintpaininmyrightfoot,pleadingwithmybody

tokeepmoving.

Soclose....soclose...
ItookfivemorestepsandcollapsedontothesofaonceImadeittotheotherside.
Myspecialistclappedandhandedmeacupofwater.“Verygood,MissGracen!”Shewas

beaming.“Thatwastwohoursofwalking!Youaregoingtobestrollingdownthataislewithease!
Hasyourfiancéebeenlettingyoudoalittlemoreonyourownnowwhenyou’reathome?”

No...
Itoldheryes,butJonathanhadn’tletmedomuchofanything.He’dtakenanextendedvacation

fromhiscompanysohecouldtendtomyeveryneed.Heevenhadareplicaofourbedroombuilt
downstairssoIcouldgettoit—viathewheelchairIdidn’treallyneedtouse.

I’dtriedtoconvincehimthatthepainwasn’tthatbadandthatIreallydidn’tneedphysicaltherapy,

butherefusedtolistenandherefusedtoletmegotowork.Hehadmystaffcomeoverduringtheday
timeandweallworkedinvariousrooms.AndwheneverIhadanappointmentwithaclient,Ihostedit
outsidebythepool.

AsfarastherecommendedexercisesIwassupposedtodoathome,hewasalwaysreadytohelp

mecompletethem.Evenwhenittookmeanhourtowalkacrosstheroomwithoutwincing,orwhenI
criedforhalfadaybecauseIcouldn’tdotheshoulderroutineright,hewaspatientandencouraging.

“Howlongdoyouhonestlythinkit’llbeuntilIcanrunagain?Andcanyoupleasewriteanote

tellingMr.StathamthatI’mfullycapableofgettingaroundwithoutthatdamnwheelchair?I’mnot
takingithomewithmetoday...”

Shesmiledandpulledapadoutofherpocket.“Ofcourse.Youcanprobablyjoginfour

months...Running?”Sheshookherhead.“We’lltalkaboutthatwhenIseeyouagain.I’llberightback
withyourprogresschart.”

MycellphonerangandIheldituptomyearwithoutlookingatit.Jonathanalwayscalledright

aftermysessionwasover.

“Ineedafewmoreminutes.”Isaid.“I’mwaitingformyprogresschart.”
“Claire...”ItwasRyan.
Ihungup.
MyphonerangagainandIansweredit,thinkingitwasJonathan.
“Pleasedon’thangup,Claire.”Itwastheassholeagain.“I’m...I’msosorrythatIpushedyou—I

nevermeanttohurtyoulikethat...Pleasebelieveme.”

“Idon’t.AndIreallyhopeyou’reoutoftownbecausetherearelotsofpeoplelookingforyou

rightnow.”

Hesighed.“IjustwanttoletyouknowthatAmandaisrecoveringfromhersurgeryverywell.”

Hepaused.“Phasetwowasaweekagoanditwasrisky,butitactuallyworked.”

“Well,goodforherandgoodforyou.Trynottopushheroutofthewindow.Goodbye.”Ihung

up.

HecalledbackbutIdidn’tanswer.ThenhecalledtwomoretimesbeforeIfinallyputmyphone

onsilent.

IwasabouttocallJonathanandtellhimI’dbeoutside,butRyansentmeatext:“Oneofyour

employeesmentionedyoubeingatSt.Francis...She’sinthesameplace...Room2323...Iwon’tbethere
soyouwon’thavetotalktome—orseeme...Justtellherhello.That’sallI’masking...”

Iwasn’tsurewhatmademechangemymind,butthereIwasinlineforavisitationpass,considering
comingfacetofacewiththewomanwho’ddrasticallyalteredmylife.

Thebrightlightsandtaupewallsweretriggeringmemoriesofyearspast,yearswhenAmanda

wouldbebedriddenfortheentiresummer,whenIwouldbringherteddybearsandcatchheruponall
thegossipshe’dmissedfromthefirstweekofhighschoolclasses.

Italwaysusedtopainmetoseeherbodyconnectedtonumeroustubes,butI’dneverletmy

concernshowonmyface.Ialwaystoldherthat“Thistimeisthelasttime.You’llneverbeinthis
roomagain.”AndafterwegraduatedhighschooltogetherI’dbelievedthosewordsweretrue.

“Next!”Thewomanatthesecuritydeskmotionedformetostepforward.“Ineedyourlicenseand

yourparkingticketfromthegarageforverification.Ifyoucaughtthebus,Ineedaseparateformof
ID.”

Ihandedhermylicenseandmytherapycard.
“Whoareyouheretosee,MissGracen?”
“AmandaMeadows.Oncology.”
“AmandaMeadows?”Sheshookherheadatherscreen.
“I’msorry.”Iclearedmythroat.“AmandaHayes.Shemarried...”
ShenoddedandfilledoutagreenIDbadgebeforehandingitovertome.“Visitinghoursareover

atnineunlessyou’regivenspecialpermissionbythedoctorsonthatfloor.KeepyourIDbadgeonat
alltimes.You’llgetyourlicensebackonceyoureturnit.She’sonleveltwentythree.Next!”

Islidmypurseovermyshoulderandslowlywalkedovertotheelevators,takingadeepbreath.
WhyamIdoingthis?Idon’toweheranything...
BeforeIcouldtalkmyselfoutofseeingher,theelevatordoorssprungopenandIforcedmyself

tostepinside.IttookseveralminutesbeforeIreachedthetwentythirdfloor;thecartseemedtostop
oneverylevelandeveryonewhosteppedonwaspre-occupiedwithwhateverconversationtheywere
havingontheircellphone.

“Twenty.Three.”Theelevatorsystem’sspeakerdronedoutandIpushedmywaytothefrontto

stepoff.

IlookeddownonmyIDbadgewhereAmanda’sroomnumberwaswrittenandheadedtotheleft.

EachroomIpassedhadcardsand‘GetWellSoon’messagestapedontothedoorframes.

Room2323....
Istoppeddirectlyinfrontofthedoor,forcingmyselfnottowinceashername—AmandaHayes,

staredmerightinthefaceinredwriting.

Iknockedfourtimesbuttherewasnoanswer.Ishruggedanddecidedtowalkaway,butIhearda

faint“Comein.”

Ihesitated,wonderingifIshouldfaceherornot.
Itwistedthehandleandsteppedinside.WhenIroundedthecorner,hereyesimmediatelymet

mine.

Istoodtherecompletelyfrozen,takenabackbyherghastlyappearance.Herskinwaspale,her

eyesseemedyellowed,andallofherhairhadbeenshavedoff.Shedidn’tlookanythinglikethe
womanI’dseeninthecateringstore.

Ilookednexttoherbedandspottedafull,brownwighangingoffthenightstand.
“Claire?”Shecroakedassheslowlysatup.“Ididn’tthinkyouwouldactuallycometoseeme...”
“Meeither.”Ikeptmydistance.“Iheardyoursurgerywentwell.”
Shenodded.“Yeah.Itdid.”
“Well,goodforyou...”Myeyesveeredtowardstheflowerarrangementsthatweresittingonher

windowsill.Theywereallredroses—polostyle.TheexactsameonesRyanusedtogivetomewhen
weweremarried.

“Wouldyouliketotakeaseat?”Sheclearedherthroat.“Ifyou’renottoobusythatis...”
“Actually,Iam.”Itookastepback.“I’mnotevensurewhyIcamehereinthefirstplace...Iwish

youwellwitheverythingand—goodtoknowyou’llbewellintheyearstocome...Goodbye,
Amanda...”Iturnedaroundtowalkaway,butshemusteredathroaty“Wait!”fromherlungs.

Ipausedandbarelylookedovermyshoulder.
“Please,listen...Ifyoufindasmall—howeversmallitmaybe,partinyourheartthatwould

forgivemeforwhatIdidtoyou,whatIdidtousandourfriendship...Iwouldreallyappreciateit.I’m
tryingtoreallyfixmylifeandworkonbeingmorepositivesoI...Iwouldjustlikeacleanslate...”

“Acleanslate?”Islowlyturnedbackaround.“Isthatwhatyousaid?”
Shegaveaweaknod.“Idon’twantthistoweighdownonmyconscienceanymore...Thereare

somedaysthattheverythoughtofwhatIdid...ItmakesmesosickthatIcan’tstomachitandIliterally
vomitorcrymyselftosleep...It’sbeenyearsandIstillcan’tgetoverit.IwantyoutoknowthatI
reallyamsorry,Claire—foreverythingIputyouthrough.”Shepaused.“Iknowwecan’tbefriends
again—andasmuchasIwishthatthatwasn’ttrue,Ijust...Ijustwanttobeabletohaveaclear
conscienceagain—togoafullyearwithoutwakingupinthemiddleofthenightthinkingaboutwhat
happened...”

ItookadeepbreathandtriedtoswallowdownthebitternessthatI’dfeltforyears,thatdisgusting

tasteofbetrayal.Butitwasstillthere—sourasever,andsickornot,shewasstillabitch.

Istrolledovertoherbedsideandlookedherrightinhereyes,temptedtosqueezeheroxygenbag

untilshebeggedmetostop.

“Itshouldweighdownonyourconscienceeveryday.”Ihissed.“Every.Fucking.Day.Everytime

youlookintohiseyes—theonesIusedtotellyouabout,remember?Howtheylookgrayinthe
summertimeandgreeninthefall?Everytimehe’slyingontopofyouandyouhavetolookatthat
tattooonhischest—theonethatreads“Claire”butcan’tberemovedbecausethatsmallkeloidisright
underneathit,youshouldfeellikeshit.Youdon’tdeserveaclearconscience,Amanda,andyou’ll
nevergetacleanslatefromme.Ever.”

“Claire—”
“No.”Ididn’tgiveherachanceforarebuttal.“IwantyoutoknowthatIamengagedtothemanof

mydreams—themanofmyfuckingdreams.HeiseverythingIcouldeverwantinamanandsomuch
morethanRyancouldeverbe.AndeventhoughIhadtoloseRyantofindhim,Ididn’tneedtolose
himthewaythatIdid—thewayyoutookhimfromme.”

“I’msorry...”
“Youruinedmyhappilyeverafter,Amanda.Anditwasn’taone-timethingeither.Thiswasgoing

onformonths!Behindmyback!Howcouldyouevenlivewithyourselfbackthen?Howcouldyou
smileatmeandhangoutwithmeknowingdamnwellthatyou...”Icouldn’tlookatherwithout
gettingangry,andIsuddenlyfeltmyhandtwitching.“Youletmehangoutwithyouwithnofucking
remorsewhatsoever—youjustletmegoaboutmylifeasifnothingwasgoingon.Butthewholetime
youknew!Youknewwhatthefuckwasgoingonandyoujust—”

BeforeIcouldcompletethebitch-slapofthecentury,Ifeltsomeonegrabbingmywristfrom

behindandholdingitstill.Jonathan.

IsawAmandasquintinghereyesshutasifshewerestillwaitingformyhandtoconnectwithher

cheek,thenIslowlyturnedaroundtofaceJonathan.

Hiseyebrowwasraisedandthelookonhisfacewasoneofconfusion,uncertainty—

disappointment.

“Stepoutside,Claire.”Hewipedatearawayfrommyface.“Now.”
Ididn’tevenbotherlookingbackatAmanda.Iwantedtorememberherfacehowitwasseconds

agofortherestofmylife.

Cowardlybitch....
Isteppedoutsideandheadedintotheladies’restroomthatwasnextdoor.Frustrated,Ileanedover

thesinkandsplashedmyfacewithwateroverandoveragain.

“Ireallydidn’tmeantopushyou...”Ryanclearedhisthroat,startlingmeandforcingmetoturn

around.

“Staythehellawayfromme,Ryan.I’mnotinthemoodforanymoreofyourbullshitandyou’ve

causedenoughtrouble.Gocomfortyourwife.”Istrolledpasthim,buthegrabbedmyelbowand
pressedmeagainstthewall.

“Listen...”Thereweretearsinhiseyes.“Ididn’texpectyoutocomeseeher,butthankyou.

Regardlessofifyouforgaveherornot,Ithinkyoucomingheremeantalottoher.Andtome.”

“Youreallydoneedprofessionalhelp...”Itriedtomoveaway,buthewaspinningmeagainstthe

door.

“Fortherecord,itwasjustlust,Claire—whatsheandIhad.Iteventuallygrewintolove,but...”
“Ihonestlydon’tgiveafuckaboutyouorher.Idon’tknowhowmanywaysIcanpossiblysayit,

butifyoucouldjust...”Ilookedathisarmsanddartedmyeyestothedoor.“JustletmegosoIcan
leave.”

“Notuntilyoulistentome.”
Isighed.Ifmylegsweren’tsostiff,Iwould’veattemptedtobreakfreeandrunforthedoor,butI

knewtherewasnowayI’dgetpasthim.

“Ryan...”Isighedagainforemphasis.“Therearepriestsalloverthiscitywhoarewillingtolisten

toyourproblemsforfree.FindoneofthembecauseIdon’thavethetime.”

“Iwouldlikeasecondchancewithyou,Claire.”
TheearthfellawayatmyfeetandIlosttheabilitytospeak.
Iwasshocked.BlownAway.Disgusted.
“Youheardme...”Hebroughthisfaceclosetomine.“Asecondchance.Youandme.Itcanbe

calmandeasyagain.Iknowitbecausethat’swhowewere.”

“ThemomentIlostyouIfeltempty,”hecontinued.“Ihadnoideathatyouwouldpackupand

leavethewayyoudid.Imean,justbecauseIsaidthatI’dalwayshadfeelingsforAmanda,didn’t
meanthatIdidn’thaveanyleftforyou.Iwasjust...inatoughspotinmylife.Ithoughtyouwouldat
leastreconsiderthedivorce,butyoujust...Youfiledtheverynextday.Iwasn’texpectingthat...”

“Ryan...”Ibarelymanaged.“Stopit...Stopitrightnow.”
“Everythinghappenedsofast...Monthslateryoumovedallthewayouthereandyoujustcutme

offlikeIwas—”

“Worthless?Pathetic?Fullofshit?”
“Youwerejustangry.”Hepressedhisthumbovermylips.“Andyouhadeveryrighttobe...But

peoplemakemistakesClaire...ItriedmakingitworkwithAmanda—IdidtherightthingandImarried
herbut...Allweeverdidthefirstyearandahalfwastalkabouthowguiltywefeltoverwhatwedidto
you.”

Itriedmyhardesttoblockhimout.Ididn’twanttoheartherestofthisshit.Ididn’tcare.

“YouknowInevermeanttopushyoudownthosesteps...”hesaidashecuppedmychin.“And

eventhoughyournewfiancéegotmefiredandblacklistedmefromeverysinglefirminPittsburgh...I
thinkthatyouandIcouldrebuildwhatwehadagain.IhaveenoughsavedupandIreallybelievethat.
AmandaistalkingaboutdivorceforthefifthtimeandIthinkshefinallymeansit...Can’tyousee?Our
livesweren’tworthmuchwithoutyouinit—whichisexactlywhyyoushouldtakemeback.Iknow
howbadlyyou’vemissedme,becauseI’vemissedyoutoo.”

Ifeltmyeyeswideningasfarastheycouldgo.Thiswasapainfulsighttosee,butforsome

reasonIcouldn’tlookaway.

“Whatthetwoofushadwasspecial...”Hecaressedmycheekwiththebacksideofhispalm.“It

wassomethingI’veneverfeltbefore.AlltheseyearsI’vewishedthatIcouldgobackintimeand
changewhatI—”

ThenextthingIsawwasafistconnectingwithhisjaw.Ittookmeseveralsecondstorealizethatit

wasJonathanandhewaspunchingtheshitoutofhim,sohardthatIheardhisbonescracking.

Ryantriedtofightback,swinginghisfistsintheair,butJonathansentafiststraightintohiseye—

knockinghimagainstthewall.

Ithoughthewouldleavehimalone—thathewouldallowhimtosufferwithabloodiedeyeanda

crackedjaw.ButhesteppedcloserandjabbedRyanintheribsagainandagain—untilhesliddownto
thefloor,murmuring—pleadingforhimtostop.Unconvinced,Jonathanstoodoverhimandpunched
hisfacerepeatedly,untilhecouldn’tutteranotherword.

Iclutchedmychestandgaspedattheuglysightinfrontofme:Ryanwascurledupintoaballwith

hiseyesswollenshut,bleedingalloverthefloor.

Calmasever,Jonathanwalkedovertothesinkandrolleduphissleeves,takingallthetimeinthe

worldtowashhishands.Whenhewasdone,hereachedforapapertowelanddriedthemasifhe
hadn’tjustbeatsomeonetoneardeath.

Helookedintomyeyesashetookouthiscellphone.“Greg?Yes.I’monthetwentythirdfloor.

Women’srestroom.CouldyougetsomeoneupheretohelpMr.HayesdowntotheERplease?He’sin
desperateneedofassistance.”Hepaused.“I’mtakingClairedowntoreturnherIDbadgeandwe’ll
meetyouinthegarage.HaveSeantakemycarhome.Thankyou.”

Hehungupandslippedhisarmaroundmywaist,walkingmeoutoftheroom.Therewereno

wordsbetweenus,noglanceseither.

Iwasn’tsurehowImadeitdownstairs,orhowlongittooktogetmylicenseback,butthenext

thingIknewIwassittinginthebackseatofthetowncar,watchingthestreetsrushpastinthewindow.

Aswewereapproachingtheexpressway,IturnedtofaceJonathan.“Youalmostkilledhim...”
“Heputhishandsonyou.”Henarrowedhiseyes.“He’sluckyIdidn’t.”
Iswallowedandsatsilentlybyhisside,stillinshockatthescenethathadunfoldedinthat

bathroom.Ihadnoideahewascapableofbeatingsomeonethatterribly.He’dbeensopossessed,so
obsessedwithbeatinghimwithinaninchofhislife.

“Didyoureallyhavehimfired...AndblacklistedateveryfirminPittsburgh?”Iwhispered.
“No...Everyfirminthecountry.”
Silence.
“Youdidn’thitAmanda...”Myvoicewasshaking.“Didyou?”
“I’veneverhitawoman,Claire.”Helookedintomyeyes.“AndIneverwill...Itoldherthatyou

weren’tinterestedinbeingcontactedbyeitherofthemagain,andthatIdidn’twantmyfuturewifeto
haveanymoresleeplessnightsduetotheirinterference.”Heliftedmyhandandcircledhisthumb
aroundmyknuckles.“Ipaidforhersurgerysinceitmightbealittleharderforthemtoaffordsince
Ryanisn’tworking,andI’llhavethehospitalbillmeforhisinjuriesaswell.”

Iwassuretherewasstillfearinmyeyes,becausehecuppedmyfaceinhishandsandpressedhis

lipsagainstmine.“I’llhurtanyonewhohurtsyou,Claire.Anyone.”

Inoddedandhepulledmeupagainsthischest,strokingmybackwithhisfingertips.“You’llnever

havetoworryabouteitherofthemeveragain.”

Chapter18

Jonathan

“IsthereareasonwhyIjustreceivedacallaboutyouassaultingamaninahospitalbathroom?”

Miltonwalkedintomyoffice.“Pleasetellmethat’sajoke.”

“Ididn’tmeantobreakhisnose.Onlyhisjaw.”
“Well,thankgodyoubrokehisribsandhisclaviclebonetoo.I’msuretheywerefeelingquite

neglectedinthebrawl.”

“Ialreadypaidhishospitalbill,andthatincludespost-therapytreatment.It’sbeenoveraweek.Is

hetryingtosue?”

“Damnrighthe’stryingtosue,Jonathan!He’salawyer!Whatthefuckdidyouthinkwasgoingto

happen?!”

Ishrugged.“I’lltakecareofit.Isthereanythinginterestingyouwanttotalkabouttoday?”
Herolledhiseyesandhandedmeafolder.“Herearethestockoptionsthatwillbechangedover

toyourwife’sname.I’vealreadyaddedherasanaccessortoallofyourpersonalaccountsandshe’ll
gainfullaccessthedayyourmarriagelicenseisapproved...Fullaccess...toallofyourmoney...Allof
your—”

“Anythingelse?”
“Yes.”Hepulledasmallboxoutofhispocketandhandedittome.“Congratulations.It’sarare

pen—justincaseyouchangeyourmindoverthenextfewdays...There’salsoarealgiftintherefor
yourwifetobe.IlikehermorethanIlikeyou.”

“Thankyouverymuch.I’llseeyouatthewedding.”Ilaughedashewalkedoutofmyoffice.
JustasIwasgettingreadytofollowsuit,Coreycameinandslammedthedoorshut,narrowing

hiseyesatme.

“Yes?”Inarrowedmyeyesrightback.“Isthereaproblem,Mr.Walters?”
“Yes.Thereisafuckingproblem.”
“That’saveryloadedsentence,don’tyouthink?”
“Gregisnotgoingtobethebestmanatyourwedding,Jonathan.Iam.Andifyouhaveaproblem

withthat—”

“Idohaveaproblemwiththat.”
“Gregisn’tyourbestfriend.”
“Gregisn’tsleepingwithmylittlesister.”
“NeitheramI.”Hiseyesturnedtoslits.“IlikeHayley—alot.Hell,Imightevenloveher—Idon’t

fuckingknowyetbecauseIdon’tevenknowwhatthatwordmeans,butit’sdifferentwithher.She’s
notliketheotherwomenI’vebeenwith.”

“Otherwomenyou’vebeenwithtotalorotherwomenyou’vebeenwiththisyear?You’vefucked

overfiftywomeninthepastninemonths.”

“Iknowthat.”
“Doesshe?”
Hedidn’tanswer,butthelookinhiseyessaiditall.
“I’mnotHayley’sguardiananymore.”Ishookmyhead.“Ican’ttellherwhattodoorwhonotto

date,butyou’veknownherforyears.Youprotectedherrighttherewithmesomeofthoseyearsand

nowyou...SurelyyoucanseewhyIwouldhaveaproblemwithherentertainingthemanwho
previouslypromisedtoA)nevercommittoonewomanB)FuckasmanywomenaspossibleandC)
Livelifewithnoattachments.Forever.Youwantmetobelievethatyou’vechangedovernight?
Becauseofafewhearttoheartconversationswithmysister?Becauseshedidn’thopinbedwithyou
rightawaylikealltheotherwomendid?”

“Jonathan...”Helookedsincere.“I’venevernottoldyouaboutawomanIwaswithbecauseI

didn’tcare.I’venevercaredaboutanyofthemortheirfeelings.IcareaboutHayley.Ialwayshave...”

Athicksilencehungintheairbetweenus,andasmuchasIwantedtobeathimlikeI’dbeatRyan,I

couldn'tdoit.Ididn’twanttoadmitit,butIhadseenachangeinHayleyandshewastheonethat
matteredmostinthisequation.

Sure,shewasstillaterribleemployee—alwayshadbeen,butsheseemedhappiernow.Andshe

wasn’tfakelaughingandsmilinglikesheusuallydidjusttogetmetoleaveheralone.Herhappiness
seemedgenuineforachange.

Istillcan’tbelievethisshit...
“Corey...”Ikeptmyvoicefirm.“Ifyoubreakmylittlesister ’sheart,ifyouareresponsiblefor

onefuckingtearthatcomesoutofhereyes,Iwillhaveyoumurdered.AndthenI’llreallygotowork
onyou...”

Heblinked.Thenhesmiled.“Howlonghaveyoubeenworkingonthatspeech?”
“Allweek.Toostrongofanemphasisonthe‘really’?”
“No,thatpartwasgood.”Hesoundedimpressed.“Itwasthelastclausethatthrewmeoff.Sayita

littleslowernexttimesoitsoundsmorethreatening.Itwasalittletoofastforme.”

“Iwasseriousabouthavingyoumurdered.”
Henoddedandwalkedovertome,shakingmyhand.“Iwon’thurther.Now,whereisthebest

man’sboxforthisweekend?”

“Itshouldbeatyourhousealready.Angelahaditdeliveredthismorning.”

ClaireandIwalkedaroundthehotel’soutdoorgarden,handinhand.Itwasthedaybeforeour
wedding,andeventhoughwe'dbeenwitheachotherallday,we’dhardlysaidaword.

Earlierthatmorningwe’dsampledthefinalsweetsselectionfromStella’s,listenedtoafewshort

songsfromthefullorchestrawe’dhired,anddrivenaroundthenewlybuiltweddingvenue.

She’dwantedtogoinsideandtakealookatthereceptionroom—toseehowtheyweresettingit

up,butIwouldn’tlether;Iwantedthattobeasurprise.

“Doyouthinkthey’regoingtorememberwhatIsaidabouttheflowerpetals?HowIwantthemto

lookontheaisle?”sheasked.

“I’mprettysurethey’llremember.”Ipulledherclosetome.
“Andwhataboutthechairsashes?IspecificallyshowedthemhowIwantedthemtobetied,butit

lookedliketheyweren’tpayingattentiontome.”

“That’sprobablybecauseitwasyourtenthtimetellingthem.They’reprofessionals.”
Shesighed.“Ijustwantittobeaperfectwedding...”
“Itwillbe.”Ibentdowntokissherlips,butshewassuddenlyyankedawayfromme.
“That’senough.”Helenscoffed.“God,youtwokillme.You’llseeeachotheratthewedding.And

thenyou’llhavealleternity.It’stimeforyourspatreatments,Claire.”

“Rightnow?”Sheblinked.
“Yes.Now.”Helentuggedherawayfrommeandsheblewmeakiss.
Ismiledandblewonebackatherbeforeturningawayintheotherdirection—impatientlywaiting

fortomorrow.

Chapter19

Claire

Icouldn'tsleep.
Myheartwaspoundingoutofmychest,andeventhoughtheairventsintheroomwereblasting

heavily,Iwassweating.Icouldn’tstopthinking—smiling,aboutwhatlayaheadinthemorning,about
howmylifewouldchangewhenIbecameMrs.Statham.

Nervous,Islippedoutofbedandheadedintothebathroom.Iheldatowelundercoldwaterand

presseditagainstmyface,beingcarefulnottotouchthestrangewhitepatchesBobbieJoandKim
hadplacedovermyeyebrows.

Thespatreatmentsthey’dputmethroughearlierweremoreextensivethantheonesinCostaRica,

andtheyhadn’tallowedmetosayasinglewordaboutanyofthem.Theydidn’tevenletmesee
Jonathanwhenheshoweduptomysuitewithflowers,claimingthatseeingthegroomthenight
beforetheweddingwasbadluck.

Ilookedatmyselfinthemirrorandsighed.SleepingwithoutJonathanbymysidewasnever

comfortable.

Idecidedtotakeafewswigsofwinetogetthroughthenight,butIheardasofttappingatmy

door.Islippedintomyrobeandlookedthroughthepeephole.

Jonathan?
Icrackedthedooropen,whispering,“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Ineedtotalktoyou.”
“Areyoucallingtheweddingoff?”
“No.”
“Thenyoushouldn’tbehere.Goaway.”
Herolledhiseyes.“Comegoforaridewithme.”
Ishookmyhead.“You’renotsupposedtoseemeuntilthewedding.”
Hepulledapairofshadesandafoldedbaseballcapoutofhispocket.“ThenIwon’tseeyou.We

needtotalk...”

Islidtheglassesovermyeyesandpulledthecapovermyheadbeforesteppingoutoftheroom.
Hetookmyhandinhisandledmedownthehallandontotheelevator,keepinghisgazestraight

ahead.Whenwemadeittothelobby,valetpulledhiscararoundandheldthedoorsopen.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iasked.
“Toourweddingvenue.”
“Why?”
“Becauseweneedtoseeeverythingtogetherbeforetomorrow.”Hewaitedformetobucklemy

seatbeltbeforespeedingoffintothenight.

Halfanhourlater,hepulledhiscarintothecobblestonedturnaroundandhelpedmeout.Slipping

anarmaroundmywaist,hewalkedmeinsidewhereMissCorwinandherstaffwerebusydecorating
away—makinglastminuteadjustments.

Sheraisedhereyebrowwhenwesteppedinfrontofher.“Shouldn’tyoutwobeinbed?”She

smiled.“Separately?”

Jonathankissedmycheek.“Wewantedtotakeonefinaltourtogetherifthat’sokay.”

Shenoddedanddirectedusdownthehall,whereherotherstaffwasfiddlingwithtenfoottall

flowerarrangements.“Theceremonylawnisrightthroughthosedoors,remember?Andthe
receptionroomisdowntwohallsandtotheright.Actually...”Shepulledaslipofpaperfromher
pocket.“Thisisascaleddownblueprintofeverything.Knockyourselvesout,butI’mgoingtohave
toforceyoutoleaveinfortyfiveminutes.Idon’twantthephotographerstohavetoeditbaggyeyes
fromyourpictures.”

Welaughedandmadeourwaydownthehall.
Itriedtosteerustowardthereceptionroom,togetaglimpseofthechangeshe’daskedherto

make,butheheldmecloseandsighed.“You’llseeittomorrow.”

Aswesteppedoutsideandintothedarkness,Icouldseehundredsofstarkwhitechairswithivory

sashes,blushandpastelaislemarkers,andabeautifulwhitegazebothatstoodneartheedgeofthe
newlysoddedgrass.

“Comehere.”Jonathantuggedmedowntheaisleandunderthegazebo.Hemotionedformetosit

downonabenchandsighed.“IwantyoutolookatthisbeforeIgiveittoyoutomorrow—because
aftertomorrow,Idon’twantyoutoevertakeitoff.”

Iwatchedashereachedintohispocketandpulledoutaringbox,holdingitouttome.Shaking

myhead,Ipusheditback.“It’sbadluck...Lookatyoursfirst.”Ireachedintomyrobeandplacedthe
boxonhisthigh.

Hestaredatitawhile,thenhepoppeditopenand—stopped.Hepulledmecloseandheldthering

intothelight,suckinginabreathashereadtheinscriptionaloud.“Mylast.Mysoul.Myeverything.”

Hesmiledandrolledtheringaroundinhishands;itwasaplatinumbandwithtwothinstripsof

crusheddiamonds,with“C”and“J”etchedandentwinedagainstacenteredseahook.

“Thisisbeautiful,Claire...”Hisvoicewashoarse.“I’msosorrythatIeverthoughtyoudidn’t

designit...”Heshookhisheadandgentlyplacedtheringbackintothebox.“Openyours.”

Iflippedtheboxopenandgaspedatthestonesthatglitteredagainstthenight.Slowlypryingit

fromitsbox,Iranmyfingersalongthewhiteandbluediamondsthatwereshapedinadesignof
waves.Thewords“Mr.&Mrs.Statham”floatedinbetweenthem,andontheinsideofthebandhe’d
etched“ForeverYours,AlwaysMine.”

Ifelttearsfallingdownmyfaceandhereachedundermysunglassestowipethemaway.
“Iwanttoreadmyvowstoyou.”Hepressedakissagainstmywetcheek.
“Ithoughtweagreedthatweweren’twritingvows...”
“Theseareonlyforyoutohear.They’renotappropriatetosayinpublic.”Hesmiledandwipeda

tearawayfrommycheek.“Whyareyoucrying?”

“I’mnot...”
“You’llalwaysbeaterribleliar.”Hewipedanotherstreamofmytearsawayandleanedforward

likehewasgoingtokissme,butheheldback.“ClaireGracen...ThefirsttimeIfuckedyou—”

“Seriously?”
“Ofcoursenot.I’mjustmakingsurethatyou’relistening.”Hesmiled.“ThefirsttimeImetyou

andyouturnedmedown,Ihonestlythoughtyouwereoutofyourmind,thattherewasnowayyou
didn’twanttogooutwithme.Ithoughtyouwerejustplayinghardtoget,butthenyouturnedme
downagainatwork....WhenIfinallygotachancetotakeyouout—onashortrun,noless,andwe
barelytalked...Iknewthattherewassomethingspecialaboutyou.”

“AndthemoretimeIspentwithyou—outsideoftheamazingsexwehad,Icouldn’thelpbutfall

foryou...Iknowyoudidn’tbelieveinhavingasecondchanceatloveandthatouragegapbothered
you,butIwantyoutoknowthatIneverthoughtaboutouragegapforasinglesecond,andInever
will...Ifsomethingtragichappensbetweennowandourweddingtomorrow,pleasebelievemewhenI
saythatIdidn’tknowwhatlovewasbeforeyou,andyouare—withoutadoubt,theloveofmylife.”

MybottomlipwasquiveringandI’dgivenupontryingtoholdbackthetears.
“YouarethemostbeautifulwomanI’veevermetandIcan’twaituntilyou’reofficiallymine

—forever...”Hetrailedhisfingeragainstmylips.“I’llneverhurtyou,betrayyou,orallowanyone
elseto.”

“Jonathan...”Iwascryingnow.Hewastoomuch.
“I’mgoingtocontinuetosendyouflowerseverydaybecauseyoudeservethem,becausethere’s

nothingIwouldn’tdoforyou...AndIpromisetolove,cherish,andfucktheshitoutofyoufortherest
ofourlives.”

Isniffledandletoutalaugh.“Thosevowswerebeautiful...Especiallythatlastline.”
“Thatwasthehardestonetowrite.”Hekissedmyforehead.“Iloveyou,Claire.”
“Iloveyoutoo.”Ileanedintokisshim,butheheldmyshouldersstillandwhispered.

“Tomorrow.”

Isighed.“Areyougoingtotellmewherewe’regoingforourhoneymoon?”
Heshookhisheadandstoodup,reachingformyhand.Thenheslippedhisotherarmaroundmy

waistandwalkedmearoundtherosegardenshe’dhadimportedfromtheSouth.

Wedidn’tsayawordtooneanother.Wesimplyslippedintothatfamiliarquietthateasily

envelopedussooften.

Afterwestaredupattheskytogether,wishingonseparatestars,heplantedakissonmyforehead

anddrovemebacktothehotel.Whenweboardedtheelevator,hesmiledatmeandpeeredbeneath
mysunglasses.

Thesecondthedoorsopened,heusheredmeoffandwalkedmebacktomysuite.
“I’llseeyoutomorrow...”Istoodonmytoesandbroughthisheaddowntomine.Iwasdyingfor

himtokissmylips.Justonce.

“Tomorrow,futurewife,”hesaidsoftlyandkissedmyhand.“Youshouldprobablygetinside

yourroombeforeIdragyouintomineandforgetallaboutthewedding.”

Ilaughedkissedhimonthecheek.“Goodnight,futurehusband.”

Iwokeuptoloudknockingatmydoor.

“I’mcoming!I’mcoming!”Ithrewarobeonovermypajamasandopenedthedoor.
ItwasHelenandSandra.
“You’relateforyourmakeup.”Sandrashookherhead.“BobbieJoandKimhavebeencalling

yourphoneforthepasttwohours.Didyoustayuplate?”

Ishookmyhead.
“Areyouhavingsecondthoughts?”Helenraisedhereyebrow.
“What?Ofcoursenot.”
“Good.”Shedraggedmeovertoachairandpushedmeintoit.“Sinceyou’relate,I’lljusthave

thegirlsmeetusheretodoeverything.Sandra,couldyoucallroomserviceandhavethembring
Clairesomebreakfast?Wedon’twanthergettingsickonherbigday.”

Sandranoddedanddisappearedintothebedroom.
Thenextfewhourswereadizzyingblur:BobbieJoandKimdidmyhairandmake-upto

perfection;myeyeswerelayeredinasoftglitteringeyeshadowandmyhairwaspulledintoa
beautifulchignonwithlooseringletsthatgrazedmyshoulder.

Hayleycameandpresentedmewiththegartershe’dpersonallydesigned,mymotherand

daughtersfiddledwithmydressuntiltheythoughtitwasperfect,andahugewhitebouquetofflowers
wasbroughtintotheroom.

Iwasreachingforthesilvercardthatwasattachedtotheirstems,butSandrasnatcheditaway

fromme.

“Let’sseewhatMr.Billionairehastosaytohisfiancéeonherweddingday.”Sheflippedthecard

openandclearedherthroatasifshewasgoingtoreaditaloud,butthensheburstintotears.

“Ugh.”Helenrolledhereyes.“Givemethat...Tomyfuturewife:Todayisthefirstdayoftherest

ofourlives.WiththeexceptionofthefirstdaythatImetyou—thedayyoucameintomylife,no
otherdaywillevermeanasmuchtomeastoday.Youarethereasonbehindmyhappinessandyou
holdthekeystomysoul.Iloveyou,Claire...Hurryupandgethere:-)”

Everyoneintheroomletoutacollective“Awww”andwipedtearsawayfromtheireyes—even

Helen.AstheywerepassingaroundKleenex,Islippedawaytoanswertheknockingatthedoor.

Jonathan’smother.
“Hi...”Ieyedthedarkredwinesheheldinherhand,hopingthatshewouldn’tdowhatIthought

shewasheretodo.

Shenoticedmestaringattheglassandquicklytosseditback.“I’msorry...It’sjuice,notwine—and

Iwouldnever...”Shepaused.“Doyouhavesomethingborrowed,Claire?”

MyeyeswidenedandIpanicked.“No...No,Idon’t.Ohmygod—that’sreallybadluck...Ican’t

believeIdon’thaveit.”Iclutchedmychest.

“Here.”Shepulledagorgeouspearlandivorypinfromherhair.“Mymotherworeitather

weddingandIworeitatmine.IthoughtIwould...IthoughtIwouldgiveittoyou,soyoucould...You
know...”Hereyesweresincerebutshelookedasifshewerebracingformetoshunheraway.

“Thankyou,Mrs.Statham.”Ireachedouttotakethepinfromher,butsheslowlydrewitback.
“Allowme,”shesaidandmotionedformetostoopdown.“Youmakemysonreallyhappy,

Claire...Afterallhe’sbeenthrough,hedeservestobehappyandI’mgladyoubroughtthatoutof
him.”

Ifeltthepinslidingintomyhair,andwhenIwassureshewasdone,Istoodupagain.Ilookedat

heralongtime,fullyawarethatallmyfriendswerestaringatus—readyandwaitingtopounceon
hershouldsheattempttodosomethingcrazy.

Insteadofdismissingher,Ismiledandwrappedmyarmsaroundher—hugginghertightly.

“Thankyouforthesomethingborrowed.Ilookforwardtousstartingoverinthefuture.”

Shesniffledasshehuggedmeback.“Metoo,Claire.Imean,Mrs.Statham.”
“Areweready?”Sandraclearedherthroat.“Thelimoisdownstairsandthegroomsmenare

alreadyatthevenueaccordingtothedirector.Let’sgo!”

Myheartwasinmythroat.

Everythingaboutourvenuewasperfect.Absolutelyperfect.
Therewasn’tacloudinthesky,andthetenfootarchwaysthatweremadeentirelyofwhiteand

yellowrosesstoodtallandelegantonthelawn.Thebridesmaids’dresses—longandairychampagne
gowns,perfectlymatchedthesparklingchandeliersI’dseenhanginginthehallway.

Asourmotherswalkeddowntheaisle,Ifeltmybouquetslippingthroughmyhands.Itnearlyfell

tothegroundasIwatchedSandraandHelenwalkout.ThenitwasAshleyandCaroline’sturn.

MissCorwinreachedintoherpocketanddabbedmyeyeswithaKleenex.“Don’tcryyet,Miss

Gracen....Takeseveraldeepbreaths.”Shewaitedformetofollowherinstructions.“It’salmosttime...”

Adeepvoicesaid,“Pleasestandforthebride...”andIheardtherustlingofchairs.
ThefirstfewnotesofRobinThicke’s“Angels”begantoplayandmyheartnearlytumbledoutof

mychest.

Itookonestepforwardandfroze.
Breathe,Claire....Breathe...

Iwasshaking.Iwaswaytoonervous.
ThesongreachedthemiddleofthefirstverseandIstillhadn’ttakenanotherstep.
“MissGracen?”MissCorwin’seyeswidened.“MissGracen?”
“Ican’tbreathe...”
Shesaidafewwordsintothemicthatwastuckedintohersleeve,andthemusicsuddenlyfaded.

Sheputherhandsonmyshouldersandlookedintomyeyes.“MissGracen,thisisgoingtobethe
happiestdayofyourlife.”

“Iknowthat...”
“You’remarryingthemanofyourdreams...Actually,you’remarryingthemanofeverywoman’s

dreams.”

Iletoutanervouslaugh.
“Youcandothis...”Sheloweredhervoice.“Andyoubetterdothisbecausehetoldmehe’s

comingafteryouifyoutakelongerthanthreeminutestocomedowntheaisle.”

Iburstintouncontrollablelaughterandshespokeintohersleeveagain.“We’rereadynow.”
Shepulledatubeoflipglossoutofherpocketandappliedonelastcoattomylips.
RobinThicke’s“Angels”begantoplayoncemoreandshegavemealightshove.
Iswallowedandtookseveralslowstepsforward,tryingtofocusonthepianokeysofthemelody.

Asthesongnearedthechorus,Iapproachedthefinalfloralarchandsawtheaudiencestandingto
theirfeet.

Takingonelastdeepbreath,Imademywaytotheedgeoftheaislerunner—wherehundredsof

white,yellow,andpinkpetalswereperfectlyswirledinseriesoftheletter“S.”

Icaughtfragmentsofwhispersfromthecrowd:“Pretty...Stunning...Beautiful...”andlooked

straightahead.Istartedcountingmysteps—one,two,three,four—butassoonasJonathan’seyesmet
mine,nothingelsemattered;nooneelsewasrelevant.

HebrieflytookhiseyesoffmineandlookedmeupanddownasInearedthemiddleoftheaisle
Icould’veswornIsawhimmouth,“You’resofuckingbeautiful...”
Hesteppeddownfromthegazebo,anditlookedlikehewasgoingtocomedowntheaisleforme,

butCoreygrabbedhisshoulderandheldhimback.

Smiling,Ilockedmyeyesonhisagain,andtookmylastfewstepstothealtar.AssoonasIwas

withinhisgrasp,hereachedformyhandsandhelpedmeontotheplatform.

Forthenextfewseconds,everythingaroundusdisappearedanditfeltlikeweweretheonly

peopleintheworld.

Iwantedtowhisper“Iloveyou”andIcouldtellhewantedtosayittoo,butwesimplystoodstill

staringintoeachother ’seyes—lettingthesilencesayitall.

“Youmaynowbeseated.”Thepastor ’svoicebrokeusoutofthespell.Hehesitatedacouple

minutesbeforespeakingagain.“Dearlybeloved—”

Jonathanslippedanarmaroundmywaistandpulledmeclose,kissingmesenseless.
Thepastorclearedhisthroatandtappedhimontheshoulder.“Mr.Statham?”Theaudiencewas

laughing.“Wehaven’tarrivedatthatpartyet...”

Hewhispered,“Idon’tcare”againstmymouth,andslowlypulledaway,takingmyhandsinhis

again.

“Let’strythisagain...”Thepastorjoked.“Dearlybeloved,wearegatheredheretodayto

witness...”

Iwasn’tlisteningtoasinglewordhewassaying.IwastoobusygettinglostinJonathan’s

incredibleblueeyes,tryingmyhardesttostandstillandwaitforthepartwhenwewouldfinallybe
“allowed”tokiss.

IsuddenlyfeltAshleygivingmeaslightnudgeinmybackandlookedovermyshoulder.

“Thering...”ShehandedittomeandIturnedbackaround.
ThepastorinstructedforustoexchangeringsandthenheaskedJonathantorepeathisevery

word.

“I,JonathanStatham.”Jonathanheldmecaptivewithhisgaze.“TakeyouClaireGracentohave

andtoholdfromthisdayforward...”

“Forbetterorforworse,”thepastorsaid.“Forricherorforpoorer...”
“Forbetterorforworse,forricherorforricher.”
Thepastorrolledhiseyes.“...Toloveandtocherish...”Hewipedhisbrow.“JonathanCarter

Statham,doyoutakeClaireAliciaGracentobeyourlawfullyweddedwife?”

“Ido.”
WhenitwasJonathan’sturntolistentomerepeatthewords,Ifelttearsslippingdownmycheeks.
Heleanedforwardandwipedthemawayastheyfell,watchingmeintentlyasIfollowedthe

pastor ’slead.

“ClaireAliciaGracen,doyoutakeJonathanCarterStathamtobeyourlawfullywedded

husband?”

IlookeddirectlyatJonathan,noticingthathewaslookingasifhewasnervousthatIwouldsay

anythingotherthantherightwords.

“Ido.”
Thepastorsmiledandshuthisbook.“Bythepowervestedinme—”
Jonathancuppedmyfaceinhishandsandkissedmelikehe’dneverkissedmebefore—tenderly

tracingmytonguewithhisasifwewerealone.

“Mr.andMrs.Statham.”Thepastordidn’teventrytointerruptusthistime.
Therewasroaringapplauseanddeafeningcheering,buthedidn’tletmylipsgo.Hepulledme

evencloserandwhispered,“Iloveyou,ClaireStatham.Ialwayswill.”Hetookmybreathawaywith
anotherswoon-worthykissandthenhefinallyletmego.

BeforeIcouldtellhimthatIlovedhimtoo,hescoopedmeintohisarmsandcarriedmedownthe

aisle.Thephotographerscapturedhiseverystep,tellingustolooktheirway,butwecouldn’ttakeour
eyesoffoneanother.

WeapproachedthebuildingandMissCorwinsteppedinfrontofus.
“Timeforpictures!Mr.Statham,putMrs.Stathamdownplease.”
Heblinked.
“Mr.Statham...”Shecrossedherarms.“Youbothagreedtotakepicturesdirectlyafterthe

ceremony.You’llwantthesetolookbackon.Trustme.”

Hesighedandgentlyplacedmeontheground.
Forthenexthalfhour,wetookseveralstagedphotoswiththeweddingparty—meamidstthe

champagnecoloreddresses,andhimamidsttheblacktuxedos.

Wewerealsoforcedtotakeaseriesofshotstogether,andMissCorwinhadtopracticallytear

Jonathanawayfrommewhenitwastimetotakemysoloframes.

“Okay,lovebirds...”MissCorwinwalkedusintothecustomSweetheartSuite.“Takeaquick

breatherbeforedinner.Cocktailhourisalreadyunderway...Howlongdoyouthinkyou’llneedtoget
readyforthereception?”

Jonathanlookedmeupanddown.“Twohours.”
“What?Youcan’tletpeoplewaitthatlong!”
“Two.Hours.”
“Yessir...I’llum...I’llfiguresomethingout...”Shelefttheroomandheimmediatelylockedthe

door.

Hewalkedovertomeandbackedmeagainstthewall.

“Jonathan—”
“Shhhhh...”Helookeddeepintomyeyesandtiltedmychinuptoreachhislips.“ThethingsI’ve

beenwantingtodotoyou,Mrs.Statham...”Hekissedmesothoroughlythatmykneeswentweak,that
everynerveinmybodyinstantlycametolife.

“Iwanttogotothereception,Jonathan...”Isaidbreathlessly.
“After.”Hereachedbehindmeandunzippedthebackofmydress.“I’vewaitedwaytoolongfor

this...”

Istoodstillasheslowlypeeledmeoutofmydress,leavingitinafluffywhitepuddleonthe

floor.

Heranhishandsalongmysatincorset,slowlyuntyingeverystring—unclaspingeveryhook.

Whenitfelltothefloor,hebentdownatmywaistandtookthebowofmypantiesbetweenhisteeth,
tuggingatituntilitunraveledandjoinedmydressonthefloor.

Hestoodupandlookedintomyeyes,silentlytellingmetoundresshim.
Compliant,Islidhisjacketoffhisshouldersandunbuttonedhispants,seeingthathewasbeyond

readytomakelovetome.Islowlyunbuttonedhisshirt,andpusheditoffhisshoulders.

Assoonasithitthefloor,hepickedmeupandcarriedmeovertotheleatherchaise,gentlylaying

meonmyback.Hecoveredmybodywithhis,andeventhoughhe’dbeenwaitingforthismoment
forever,hehesitated.Thenhegentlybrushedhislipsagainstmineandgazedintomyeyes.

“Mine,Claire...”hewhispered.“Tellmeyou’remine...”
“I’myours...”
Hethreadedhishandsinmineandheldthemovermyheadasheslowlyslidhisdickintome,

pushingeverythickinchfurtherandfurtheruntilhewascompletelyburiedinside.

Welaylikethatforseveralseconds,simplystaringatoneanotherasourbodiesmoldedtogether

forthefirsttimeinweeks.Icouldn’tbelievehowgoodhefeltinsideofme,howI’devergoneso
longwithouthavinghim.

Igaspedashestartedtothrustinandoutofme,ashepressedwarmkissesagainstmychestand

mademesquirmbeneathhim.

“Bestill,Claire.”
“Ican’t...”Iletgoofhishandsandwrappedmyarmsaroundhisback,scrapingmynailsacross

hisskinashespeduphisthrusts.

“I’vemissedthissomuch...”Hismouthconnectedwithmineagainandherewardedeachofmy

moanswithadeeperkiss.“Somuch...”

Herockedintomeoverandoveragain,caressingmyfacewithhishands—neverbreakingeye

contactwithme.

“I’mgoingto...I’mgoingto—”Ishutmyeyesandscreamedoutaswaveafterwaveofpleasure

rolledthroughmybody.Ishudderedandshookashecameinsideofmeandsoftlycollapsedontomy
chest.

HeslippedhishandstomyhipsandrolledusoversoIwaslayingontopofhim.
AsIstruggledtocatchmybreath,herubbedhispalmsagainstmybarebackandsighed.“Wasthe

weddingeverythingyouwantedittobe?”

“Yes...”Imurmured.
“Areyousure?Wecandoitalloveragainuntilit’sperfectifyoulike.”
“Itwasperfect...”
“Youweresobeautifulcomingdowntheaisle...Ittookalotoutofmenottopullyoudowninto

thegrassinfrontofeveryone.”

“Youwouldn’tdare.”Isatup.
HeraisedhiseyebrowandIdidn’tevenknowwhyIdoubtedhim.Hewould’ve.

“Canwegotothereceptionnow?”
“No.”Heskimmedhishandsagainstmystomach.
“Whynot?”
“Becausewehaven’thadsexinweeksandwehaveanotherhourthatwe’regoingtotakefull

advantageof.”Hepulledmebackdown.

Whenwefinallymadeitintothereceptionroom—afterJonathanhadhiswaywithmethreemore
times,thereweretearsinmyeyes.

I’dalwaysenvisionedourreceptioninallwhitewithsubtlepopsofcolor,buthe’dchangedit—

forthebetter:Thetablesweredrapedinlightivory,withpastelyellowandpinkcenterpiecesthat
perfectlycomplementedthesparklinglightsthathungfromtheceiling.Ourname—“Mr.&Mrs.
Statham”wasetchedinlargeblackcursiveinthecenteroftheglassdancefloor,andthebeautiful
sweetsbarI’dbeensoadamantabouthaving,waslargerthanI’denvisioned.Itwasaseriesofhuge
spiralstepped-displays,andittookupanentirewall.

“Ladiesandgentlemen,pleasewelcomethenewlyweddedMr.andMrs.Statham!”TheDJ

bellowed.

IlookedoveratJonathan—whowasstandingontheothersideofthegrandsteps,andslowly

mademywaydowntothedancefloor.

Hedidn’tletmemakeitdownthelastfewstepsalone.Hewalkedovertomysideandreachedfor

myhand,insistentonleadingmetothedancefloorhimself.

Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmywaistandheldmeclose,tellingmehelovedmeagainandagain.
Thelightsintheroombegantodimandasoftspotlightshoneoverus.AsIwrappedmyarms

aroundhisneck,theorchestrabegantoplay—strikingchordstoasongIdidn’trecognize.

“Youchangedthesong?”Iwhispered.
“Yes.”
“Whatisit?”IwastryingtoplacewhereI’dheardthismelodybefore.
Hesaidnothing.Hesimplysmiledandmovedmetothemusic.
Ilaymyheadagainsthischestandlistenedtothestringssingsofterandsofter.
“Atlast...”Jonathansangintomyearinperfectpitch.“Mylovehascomealong...”
MyheartstartedracingalloveragainonceIrealizedwhatthesongwas—EttaJames’“AtLast.”
“ThenightIlookedatyou...”Hisvoicewasbeautiful.
“Youtoldmeyoudidn’tknowhowtosing...”Ilookedupathimintears.
“ItoldyouIdidn’tsing.”Hekissedme.“IneversaidthatIcouldn’t.”Hepressedmyheadback

againsthischestandcontinuedsingingtheentiresongtome,kissingmedeeplyassoonashesang
thelastnote.

Whenthelightsbrightenedagain,Ileanedinandaskedifwecouldjustleaveforthehoneymoon

now,butheshookhishead.

“Youwantedaperfectwedding,Claire.Wehavetodoallthe‘perfectwedding’things.”Heled

mearoundtheroomandwegreetedeachandeveryguest.

Weposedforpictureswithourfriendsandfamily,laughedaswecutthethreetieredcake

together,andtriednottogetcarriedawaywhenitwastimeforhimtoremovemygarter.

AstheDJbegantoplaytheupbeatmusicfordancing,Jonathanpulledmeoutontotheopen

balconywhereasmalltablewaswaiting.Hepulledoutmychair,andthedinnerwe’dmissedearlier
wasservedtousinthreeshortcourses.

Weateincompletesilence,simplylookingupatoneanotherandsmilingeachtimeoureyesmet.
ThesecondIfinishedmydessert,hehelpedmeupandpulledmeclose.“Areyoureadytoleave?”

“Yes...”
HenoddedandsignaledtosomeoneIcouldn’tsee.Heledmebackintothereceptionroom,and

theDJannouncedthatwewereleaving.

“Dowereallyneedtohavethericethrownonusasweleave?”
“That’sa‘perfectwedding’thing...”
“Okay.”Hekissedme,andwewaitedforMissCorwintoleadalloftheguestsoutside.
“Mr.andMrs.Statham?”Shemotionedtous.“Followmeplease.”
Wefollowedherdownthehallandtotheentrywayofthevenue,holdinghands.Whenshegave

thesignal,weranoutsideanddownthelongwhitecarpet,dodgingaheavyrainofriceandcheers.

GregopenedthedoortothelimoandJonathanpickedmeupandplacedmeinside.
Assoonasthedoorshut,hislipswereonmineandhishandswerealloverme.Ileanedforward

andstartedtearingoffhisshirt,murmuringasheslidhishandbehindthebackofmydress.

IwastossinghisshirtacrosstheseatwhenIheardaseriesofloudpoppingnoisesoutside.
Iimmediatelystopped.“What’sthat?”
“What’swhat?”Hewasstillkissingme.
“Thatsound...It’slikegunfire.”
Heletmylipsgoandsmiled.“Fireworks.”
Asifhecouldreadmymind,hepulledmeintohislapandplacedhisjacketoverme.Thenhe

rolledthewindowdownandwewatchedasournameswerespelledoutincolorfulsparksacrossthe
nightsky:“Claire...”“Jonathan...”“Mr...”“Mrs...”“Statham...”“Together...”“Forever...”“Until...”“The
Very...”“End...”

“DoIevenwanttoknowhowmuchthatcosts?”Iwhispered,entranced.
“Probablynot.”Hesmiledandranhisfingersthroughmynow-tousledhair.
Wewatchedthefireworksuntiltheyended,untiltheonlythingleftintheskywasthestars,andby

thattimewe’dmadeittohisplane.

Here-adjustedmydressandopenedthedoor,butIgrabbedhisshoulder.
“Wait...Canyoupleasetellmewherewe’regoing?Ineedtomakesuremystaffhassomeoftype

ofideaoverthenexttwoweeks...Justincasethere’sanemergencyandtheyneedtocontactme...I
knowyousaidwe’renotsupposedtodoanyworkbut—”

“Firstofall,we’regoingtobegoneforfourweeks,nottwo.”Heheldmyfaceinhishandsand

narrowedhiseyesatme.“Second,yourstaffwillnotbeallowedtocontactyou.Atall.Neitherofusis
doinganyworkandifthereisanemergency,you’llfindoutaboutitwhenwegetback.Third,we’re
goingtoeightdifferentcountriesandyou’llfindoutwhattheyarewhenwegetthere.Andfourth,
sinceyou’vealwayswantedtogo...We’lltakeayachtthroughthePanamaCanalonthewayback.”

Icuthimoffwithakissandcried.
“Comeon...”Heledmeoutofthecaranduptheplane’ssteps.
Ididn’twincewhentheplaneroareddowntherunway,andIdidn’tshutmyeyeswhenwe

ascendedintotheair.Ikeptmygazelockedonhisandsmileduntilthepilotsaidthenewestsetof
securewords,“Allclear,Mrs.Statham.”

Astheflightattendantservedusabottleofchampagne,Jonathantookmyhandinhis.“So,Mrs.

Statham...Wasourfirsttimeasamarriedcouplespecialtoyou?”

“Yes...Allfour...”
“Hmmm.”
“Youknowsexdoesn’thappenasoftenaftermarriageright?Thatafterthefirstsixmonthsorso,

thehoneymoonphaseendsandyou’resobusythatyouhavetoschedulesexsometimes...”

Hesmiledandunbuckledmyseatbeltwithhisotherhand.“ClaireStatham...”Hepulledmeintohis

lap.“WhatmakesyouthinkyouandIwilleverhavethatproblem?”

“It’snatural.That’sjusthowitworks.Nowthatwe’remarried,wedon’thavetodoitsomuch.”
“I’mgoingtofuckyoueveryday.”
“No,listen—”
“Every.Day.”
Ismiled.“Youaresocharmingwhenyoutalklikethat...”
“I’mwellaware.”Hesmiledandeasedmeoutofhislapbeforestandingup.“Mywifeloveswhen

Italkdirtytoher,butshewon’tadmitit.”

“Shesoundslikeshe’stooclassyforyou.”
Herolledhiseyesandledmeintotheprivatebedroomatthebackofplane.Lockingthedoor,he

pressedhislipsagainstmine.“Fortherecord,Mrs.Statham,our‘honeymoonphase’willneverend.”

“Youdon’tknowthatforsure.”
“Shhh.”Hekissedme.“Itwastorturenotbeingabletomakelovetoyouforweeks,Claire...You

damnnearbrokeme...Youdon’tevenunderstandhowbadlyIwantedyouatyourbacheloretteparty,
howmuchithurttolieinbednexttoyouwithoutbeingallowedtohaveyou...ButnowthatIknow
whatitfeelsliketobewithyouagain,IcanfuckingguaranteethatIwillnevergoadaywithout
makinglovetoyou.”

“Isthatanotheroneofyouragreements?”
“No.”Hesmiledandpulledmeovertothebed,unzippingthebackofmydress.“It’sapromise.”

Epilogue

Claire

Oneyearlater...

Istoodinfrontofthebathroommirrorwithapairofscissorspoisedhighabovemyhead.Imade

suretoholdthestrandstaut,andthenIcounted.

One....Two...
“Whatareyoudoing,Claire?”Jonathanwalkedintotheroomwithhiseyebrowraised.
“Ispottedtwograyhairstoday.”
“And?”
“AndIwanttogetridofthem.”
Herolledhiseyesandtookthescissorsoutofmyhand,placingthembackintothedrawer.He

wrappedhisarmaroundmywaistandledmeoutintoourlivingroom.

“Everymaninmyfamilystartedgrayingatthirtyfive.”Hesmiled.“Youshouldleaveyourhair

alonesowecanmatch.”

“You’rejustsayingthattomakemefeelbetter...”
“It’strue.Mymom’ssideofthefamilystartedgrayingatthirty.I’msureit’llhappentomesoon.”
“I’mnotsureifgrayhairwilllooksexyonyou,Jonathan.”
“Everythinglookssexyonme.”
Ilaughedashehandedmeaboxoftreeornaments.
Sincewe’dspentlastChristmasoverseas,wewerehostingtheholidaysathomethisyearperhis

request.He’dneverhada“realChristmas”beforesoheinsistedonhavinghismomandHayleyover
sotheycouldallsharetheirfirstonetogether.

“Heymom?”Ashleywalkedintotheroomwithapanofburntblackbrownies.“Ifollowedthe

directionsandeverything...Ievenusedtherightpan.Whatthehellisupwiththesethings?”

Isteppedoverandlookedintothepan,sighing.“YoumakestraightA’sincollege?”
“Yeah,so?”
Ishookmyhead.“Whattemperaturedidyouputthemon?”
“Sixhundred.”
“Sixhundred?!Ithoughtyousaidyoufollowedthedirections?”
“Caroline’scasseroleneededtobebakedASAP,soIjusthalvedthetime.Thirtyminutesatthree

hundreddegreesequalsfifteenminutesatsixhundred.That’sbasicmath.Youofallpeopleshould
knowthat.”SheshookherheadatmeandshruggedatJonathan.“Thiswasclearlyanexpiredboxof
batter...I’mgoingtogobuysomemore.”

Iopenedmymouthtosaysomething,butJonathanpulledmeintohisarmsandkissedme.
“She’lllearn.Mymomisgoingtohelpthemwitheverythingtonight.”
Isighedandkissedhimback.
IhookedafewmoreornamentsontothetreeandcouldliterallyfeelCarolinewalkingintothe

room.

“Yes,Caroline?”Ilookedovermyshoulder.
“IjustgotmeandAshley’sfinalplacementscoresfromtheFAApractice-test.Ourdemonstration

flightsareinMay.Mayfourteenthtobeexact.”

“Okay?”
“I’mtellingyounowbecausewehavetobookatimeslotinyourschedulesixmonthsinadvance

ifwewantyoutobethere.You’realwaysworking.”

“What?That’snottrue!”
“I’mnotcomplaining.”Shesmiled.“I’mjustsayingthat—Wait,whyamIeventellingyou?I’ll

callbothyoursecretariesandmakesuretheyputitintoyourschedules.”Shepulledherphoneoutof
herpocketandlefttheroom.

Ishookmyheadandletoutasigh.AsmuchasIdidn’twanttoadmitit,shewasright:CandC’s

CharmingDesignswasstillmakinganameforitself,butit’dbeengrowingbeyondmywildest
dreams—sofastthatIwasopeninganewstoreoverseasinayear.StathamIndustrieswasnowworth
morethanJonathan’slargestcompetitorscombined,andhe’dbeenconsideringtakinganextended
leaveofabsence—justtospendmoretimewithme.

Infact,everymorningwhenwewokeupforwork,he’dkissmeandwhisper,“Saytheword,”

waitingtoseeifIwouldaskhimtostepdown,practicallybeggingmeto.

Ontheonehand,Iwasn’tcompletelysureifIwantedhimtodothat—evenifitwas“onlysix

months.”Hewasexcitedaboutthechangeshiscompanywasmaking—allthenewproductstheywere
releasingnextyear,andIdidn’twanthimtothinkIhadn’tnoticedthat.

Ontheother,eventhoughoursexlifewasfuckingincredible—Icouldn’tthinkofasingleday

whenwedidn’thavesexatleastonce,wedidn’tseeeachotherthatmuch.UnlessAshleyandCaroline
camehomeforavisitorwethrewaparty,webothworkedextremelyhardduringtheweekandwe
onlygottosharesmallpartsoftheweekendwithoneanother.

Don’tgetmewrong,healwaysdidsmallthingstoletmeknowIwasonhismind—endless

flowers,beautifulgifts,andhomecookeddinnersthatIcouldnevermaster,butIspentmoretimeat
workthanIdidwithhimandithurtmesometimes...

“Whatareyouthinkingabout?”Jonathantiltedmyfacetowardshim.
“Nothing...CanIaskyousomething?”
“Always.”
“AreyouevergoingtotellmewhathappenedtothatlawsuitRyanfiledagainstyou?”
“Areyougoingtotellmewhyyou’rethinkingaboutyourex-husband?”
Irolledmyeyes.“Younevertoldme...”
Hepressedakissagainstmyforeheadandsmiled.“Hepressedchargesagainstmeforassaultand

battery.”

“And?”
“AndIhavethebestlawyersintheworld.”Hesmirked.
“Jonathan!”
Hesighed.“Theysenthimacopyofthesecuritytapethatshowshimpushingyoudownthe

steps...”Heclenchedhisjaw.“Withanotetellinghimtodropthechargesorwewouldpresscounter
charges...Sohedroppedhisclaims...AndthenIpressedchargesanyway.”

Myeyeswidened.“What?Why?”
“Becausehecould’vekilledyou...”Heranhisfingersthroughmyhair.“Wesettledoutofcourt

underourownterms.You’llneverseehimagain.”

Thetoneofhisvoicetoldmenottoaskanythingfurtheraboutthatsubject.
Ididn’tevenwanttoknow.
Heclaspedmyhandandledmeovertothecouch.“Tellmewhatyouwerereallythinkingabout.”
“Yousteppingdownforsixmonths...”
“Doyoureallywantmetodothat,Claire?”Helookedintomyeyes.“Iwill.”

Iglancedatthefirethatwasblazingintheheath,atthebrightredstockingsthathungoverthe

bricks,andatourhugefamilyportraitthathunghighaboveourmassiveChristmastree.Irealized
thatIwantedthesefamilyeventstohappenmoreoften,andIdidn’twantittohavetobeaholidayfor
himandItogetalonetime.

“Yes...”
“Youhavetotakeofftoo...Irefusetoshare.”
Inoddedandkissedhimback.“I’lltakeoffforsixmonths,butyouhavetotakeoffforayear.”
“Ayear?Whyisthat?”
“Someonehastostayhomeandtakecareofthebaby.”
“What?”Henarrowedhiseyesatme.“Whatbaby?”
“Ourbaby.”
“Thatjokewasn’tfunnythefirsttime.”Helookedatmystomach.“Yourtubesaretied.”
“Arethey?”
“Claire...”
“Jonathan...”Imockedhim.
“Webothagreedthatwedidn’twantkids,thatevenifwedidwantkids—whichwedon’t,itwastoo

highofariskforyoutogetpregnant.”

“So?”
“So,IneedyoutobecompletelyfuckinghonestwithmerightnowbecauseI’mthreeseconds

awayfromcallingmydoctorandhavingherrunthedamntestonChristmasmorning.Areyou
pregnant?”

“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Ithinkyouneedtoanswerme.Now.”
“AndifIdon’t?”
“Don’ttestme,Claire.”Helookeddeepintomyeyes,pleadingformetoanswerhim.“Tellme...”
Ileanedcloseandkissedhim.ThenIstoodup.“Weneedtofinishthistreebeforeyourmomgets

here.”

“You’renotgoingtoanswerme?”
“IsthereareasonwhywehavefiveChristmastreesaroundthehouse?Don’tyouthinkthat’sa

littleexcessive?”

Hestoodupandwalkedovertome,wrappinghisarmsaroundmywaistandlockingmeinhis

embrace.“Youhavetwosecondstotellmethetruth.”

Iblinkedandheshookhishead.
“ClaireStatham...”Heslowlyreleasedme,butbeforeIcouldmakeadashforthekitchenhe

pickedmeupandtossedmeoverhisshoulder.“YouandIbothknowthatI’mgoingtogetthetruth
outofyou.Whyareyoumakingthisdifficult?”

“I’mnotmakinganythingdifficult.I’mfulfillingmy‘ImustfrustratetheshitoutofJonathan’

quotafortheday.”

Helaughedandcarriedmeupstairstoourbedroom.Thenhetossedmeontothebed.“I’mgoing

togiveyouonelastchancetoanswermyquestion,Claire.”

“Andwhatquestionwasthat?IthinkIforgot.”
Helipscurvedintoawrysmileandhecoveredhisbodywithmine.“Trustme...BythetimeIget

donewithyou,I’msureyou’llremember...”

TheEnd

TwistedLoveExcerpt

Prologue:

Hayley

ForaslongasIcanremember,myolderbrotherhasbeenmyprotector.Myguardian.Myonly

friend.

EversinceIwasthreeyearsold,hetookcareofmeandshieldedmefromtheuglinessoftheworld

—eventhoughhewasjustachildhimself.Whenevertheneighborhoodboyscalledme“whitetrash,”
“fuglyhick”and“methbaby,”hewouldwalkmetoschoolthenextdayandbeatthemtoapulp.And
wheneverIcriedaboutnotbeingabletodresslike“theothergirls,”hewouldfindawaytogetme
newclothes...

Hedidhisbesttoraisemeonhisown—teachingmehowtoread,howtoknowrightfromwrong,

howtosurvive.

Ialwaysprayedthathewouldturneighteenovernight,sohecouldtakemeawayfromour

despicableparents—fromthepeoplewhodidn’tcarewhetherwelivedordied.Buthewasonlytwelve
whenmyhopeswerepermanentlyshattered...

Wewereseparatedandputindifferentfosterhomes—withparentswhowereevenworsethanwhat

wehadbefore.Whilehewas“lucky”enoughtoremainwiththesamefamily,Iwasmovedinandoutof
fourdifferenthomesandtheyalltreatedmelikeIwasnothing.

WhileIcouldstillcallmybrotherandcrytohimabouthowterriblemylifewas,thatwasn’t

enough.Allofhis“You’resosmartandpretty,Hayley.Rememberthat,”“Iloveyou,Hayley,”and
“I’llcomegetyouassoonasIturneighteen”promisesfellflatinthefaceofthehorrorsIwasdealing
with...

Bythetimeheturnedeighteen,hedidcomeandgetme,butitwastoolate.
Iwasdamaged.Broken.AndaftereverythingI’dbeenthrough,therewaslittlehecoulddoorsay

toputmebacktogetheragain.

Iwasperpetuallyscrewed.Hopelesslytwisted.

Chapter1

Corey

Ineedtofucksomeone...Tonight...
Itakealongswigofmybeerandsurveythepartyagain.
It’soneofthoseartdecoeventsthatbringoutthecity’selite.Everyonehereiseitherrich,filthy

rich,oragold-diggerlookingtolandanothervictim.

I’vesleptwithmorethanhalfofthewomenhereandnoneofthemwerememorable.Still,it’s

beenaweeksinceI’vehadsexandthat’sthelongestI’vebeenabstinentinthepastsixyears.

OutthecornerofmyeyeIseeanunfamiliarwoman—awomandressedinaskintightpurple

dresswithherhairinahighblondbun.I’mnotsureifwe’vemet,butbeforeIcanmakemywayover
andseeifIhaveachancefortonightsheslowlyturnsaround.

Hayley?
ItisHayley.Asinmybestfriend’slittlesisterHayley.
IshakemyheadasIlookheroveragainandagain,becauseit’sbeenyearssinceI’veseenher.

She’salwaysbeenbeautiful,buttonightshe’safuckingvision.

Herbrightblueeyesaresparklingagainstthenight,herdeepredlipsarefullandplump,andthe

waythatlongsleeveddressclingstoherbodyislethal.

Iwatchasshecharmsthecircleofpeoplearoundher,asthemeneyeherupanddownandslip

theirbusinesscardsintoherhand.

“Hey,Corey.”Shewalksovertomeandsmiles.
“Hello,Hayley.”
Shedoesn’tsayanythingback.Instead,shestandsalittletooclosetomeandstartstorubmy

shoulderinanon-friendway—unlessI’vehadonetoomanybeersandamjustimaginingthis.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iclearmythroat.“Where’sJonathan?”
“HedecidedtotakeClairetotheVirginIslandsfortheweekend,soI’mheretoputinbidsfor

him...Idon’tknowwhyheevenbothersbidding.Theyalwayslethimseetheworkdaysbeforeandlet
himbuywhateverhewants.”

“Verytrue.”Ilaugh.“Whereareyourgirlfriends?”
Shegivesmeafaintsmile.“YouandIbothknowIdon’thaveanyofthose...”
IdoknowthatandIfeellikeshitforevenaskingher.Isticktothesafequestions—askingher

aboutherScrabbletournaments,hernewpositionatStathamIndustries,andfailtomentionthefact
thatshe’sstillrubbingmyshoulderinaveryinappropriateway.

“Howhaveyoubeen?”SheslidesherhandaroundmyneckandIpictureherdoingthatasIwrap

herlegsaroundmywaist,asImakeherscreammyname.

Shit...
“Fine.”Imoveherhandaway.“I’vebeendoingfine.I’llum—itwasniceseeingyouagain,

Hayley.”

“You’releaving?”
“Yeah.Ineedtoget—”Thehellawayfromyou...“Ineedtogetbackhome.”
“Oh.”Shelooksdisappointed,butsheforcesasmile.“Well,I’llseeyouaround?Maybeinyour

office?Tomorrow?”

Okay,I’vegottobetipsy...There’snowayshe’sflirtingwithmerightnow...
“Sure.”IslowlywalkawayanddecidethatIneedtofindawaytofuckheroutofmymind.

Forever.

IwalkaroundthepoolandcharmupafewofthewomenI’vehadbefore,feedingthemthesame

bullshitthat’sworkedinthepast.Lowkeybillionaire.Minimalist.Biker.

That’sit.
That’sallittakes.
Islipmybusinesscardintoafewoftheirpursesandtellthemtocallmewheneverthey’reready

toleave.I’llopenmybeduptowhoevercallsmefirst.Nopreference.

BeforeIleave,Ipulloutmytabletandhackintotheauctioneer ’sdatabase.ThepictureImeantto

bidonhasalreadybeensold,butIre-routethatmoneybacktobidderandplacemynameintotheslot
instead.

I’llsendhimmyregards...
Anhourlater,Icrashintomybedandhearmyphonebuzzing.Atext.“HeyCorey.Hannah.I’m

downtownrightnow.Bethereinthirty.”

Ugh...
Idon’twantHannahtocome,butIcan’tsaynobecauseshe’sthefirstonetohitmeup.
Iturnmyphoneofftoignoreanyothertextsthatmaycomelater,andgointothekitchento

uncorkherfavoritewine—Moscato.

Ialwayskeepmycellarstuffedwithallmyregulars’favorites.Theythinkit’sbecauseIcare—

becauseI“remember”,butit’sreallybecauseIdon’twanttohavetoleavetogogetit.Thequickerwe
cangettothesex,thebetter.

Thirtyminutespassbyandshestillhasn’tarrived—hernormalM.O.Shealwaystakestwohours,

nomatterhowclosesheclaimstobe.

Ire-programmysurveillancesystemtokeepaneyeoutforherarrival,lettingitknowthatitcan

unlockthegateforthenextcarandsay“Thedoorisunlocked”onceshepullsintothecarport.

Frustrated,Ifallbackontomymattressandshutmyeyes—waitingforthemuchneededrelease.I

grabmyremoteandhitthelights,knowingthatshe’llwakemeupwithameanblowjobthesecond
shegetshere.

Hurryup...
Ishutmyeyesandsigh.
I’mslowlydriftingintosleepwhenIfeelherfinallycrawlingontopofme.
“Didyougetlost?”Ifeelherkissingmylips.
“Notatall.”
“Doyouknowwhatthirtyminutesmeans?”
Shelaughsandstraddlesme.“Isthatallyouhaveleftinyoutonight?”
“Funny.”Irunmyfingersthroughherhair.“Doyouwantthelightson?”
“I’mfine.”
Islipmyhandsdowntothehemofherdressandpullitoverherhead.Beforeshecanleandown

andkissme,Iunsnapherbraandpalmherbreastsinmyhands.

“Didyougetaboobjob?”Iask.
“Seriously?Isthisyourideaofsextalk?”
“YouhadC-cupslastmonth...TheseareclearlyDs...”
ShegaspsasItakeoneofhernipplesintomymouthandsoftlybiteit.Sheisn’tnormallyso

responsivetomytouch,soIfigureshe’sdrunk.

IguessIneedtotakethisslow...

Ipullherheaddowntomineandpressmylipsagainsthers,raisingmyeyebrowwhensheseems

hesitant,whenshebarelyopenshermouthtoletmekissher.

Maybeweshouldsleepfirst...Ugh...
“Doyouwanttofinishthisinthemorning?”Icaressherbreastsagain.“Ithinkyou’realittletoo

drunk...”

“I’mnotdrunk.”Sheleansback,unzipsmypants,andpullsoutmyhardeneddick.
“Whateveryousay,sweetheart.”Ipullherbacktowardsme,tryingtokissheragain.
Onceagain,she’shesitant—nervous,soIrunmyhandsagainstherarmstoreassureher—

stoppingonceIfeeltheabrasivelines.

Hannahdoesn’thaveanycutsandshedamnsuredidn’thaveanyscarswhenIsawherafewhours

ago.

ThewomanontopofmestiffensandIpushheroffofmeandjumpoutofthebed.Stumbling,I

hitthelightstofindoutwhothefuckthiswomanis.

“Hayley?!”Myjawdrops.“Whatthehellareyoudoing?Andhowdidyou—Whywould

you....Whythehellareyouhere?”

Shelooksstunned.Hurt.“I...”
“Yes?”
“IwantedmyfirsttimetobewithsomeoneIactuallyknew.”
“Yourfirsttime?”
Shenodsandcoversherbreastswithherhands.
Holyshit...“Okay,babe.Thisiswhat’sgoingtohappen:You’regoingtoputyourfuckingclothes

backon,I’mgoingtodriveyouhome,andthetwoofusaregoingtoactlikethisshitnever
happened.Gotit?”

Shedoesn’tanswer.
“Gotit?”
“Don’tbother.Icandrivemyselfhome.”
“Nicetry,butIwouldneverletyoudrivehomealonethislateatnight.Putyourgoddamnclothes

on.Now.”

Shelooksawayfrommeandpullsherdressoverherhead.
Isighandsoftenmytone.“YouknowIwouldneversleepwithyou,Hayley...”
“BecauseofJonathan?”
“Becauseofalotofthings.”
Sheblinksandveershereyestowardsmypants.“Youwereclearlyaroused...”
“IwasarousedbecauseIthoughtyouwereaslutwhowantedtogetfucked,butI—Idon’thaveto

explainmyselftoyou.Let’sgo.”

**Endofexcerpt**
DearReader,
GetreadyforanewtypeofNewAdult:-)
Iloveyou,
Whit’

Acknowledgments

WheredoIevenbeginwiththisone?

UpuntilthispastsummerIhadnoideawhatARCs,blogtours,andcoverrevealswere.Ididn’t

evenhaveanauthorFacebookpage.Seriously.Butsometypeofway,readersfoundmewithoutthem
andthenIdiscoveredwhatallthosestrangethingswereandgainedmorereadersthanIcouldever
imagine.(Ialsorealizedthatbookbloggersruntheworld!:-))

TamishaDraperandTiffanyNeal,canwePLEASEpretendthatIdidn’tdriveyoubatshitcrazy

aboutthisbook?Prettyplease?No?IsitbecauseI’malreadydrivingyoucrazywiththenextthree?
Yeah...Iam,huh?LOL

Tamisha,thankyouforreadingthistimeandtimeagain(printoutafterprintout)andforputting

upwiththecrazinessthatcomeswithbeta-readingforme:Phonecalls,neverendingemailthreads,
chaptersIdecidetochangeminutesafteryou’vereadthem,havingtoliterallyforcemetositdown
andwriteasexscenebecauseI’m“toonervous”towriteitLOL,etc.etc...It’sdefinitelynotforthe
faintofheartandItrulytreasureyourbeautifulfriendshipandsupport.

Tiffany,onceagainthankyouforbeingthemediatorbetweentheoverlydramatic(me)andthe

secretlydramaticbutshewon’tadmitit(Tamisha).Ican’tthankyouenoughforreadingthiscountless
times,hangingupinmyfacewhenIaskedtoomanyquestions(LOL),andsuggestingchangesthat
madethisstoryawholelotbetter.YouandTamishaareamazingandIloveyou.

Iknowtherestofthisyearand2014isgoingtobeCRAZYwiththereleaseline-upthat’splanned,

andItrulyhopeyou’llcontinuetobetherewithmeeverystepoftheway.(YesTiff,Beyleighhasto
betheretoo!)

BobbieJoMaloneKirbyandKimKimball(TwoCrazyGirlswithaPassionforBooks)...So,this

isgoingtosoundlikeaHUGEhour-longgush-fest,butitmustbesaid:IloveyoutwoSOMUCH!
YouarethefirstbloggerswhoreachedouttomeandIowemuchofMidLifeLove'ssuccesstoyou!
Eversinceyouspotlightedmeonyourblog(SpotlightWeek!YESSS!),Ihavefallenheadoverheels
inlovewithyourcraziness,yourobsessionwithhotguyswhohave*coughcough*interestingthings
LOL,andamazingbooks!(I’mprettysuremostofthenewestbooksonmykindlearefromyour
recommendations)

Ihonestlydon'tthinkAtLastwouldhavebeenpossiblewithoutthetwoofyou(Well,itwouldn't

haveexistedatallbecauseyouMADEmewriteit...Like,Istillcan’tbelieveyouconvincedmeto
writethisbook!),andIreallycan'tthankyouenoughforbeingmyshouldertocryonwhenthe
editinggotroughandfortellingmetofollowmyheart:-)

ThankyouBobbieJoforthefuckingamazingtitleandforthemuchneededphonecallthat

changed"theaccident"forthebetter.Whenarewemeetingupinthemountains?Nowait...Nashville:-
)

ThankyouKimfortheunwaveringsupport,forreadingthismorethanonce,andforyour

endlessGandypicsthatalwaysmakemesmile.

Iloveeeeyouboth!!!Now,ifonlywecouldmeetupsomewhereandtossbackthemuchneeded

shots...CostaRica,anyone?

TotheBBEgroup.Ohgod,howyoureditscanbringsomeonetotheirknees!Repeatedly!

Nonetheless,thankyousomuchfor"editingtheshit"outofthisandneverallowingmetopublisha

storythatisanythingshortofamazing!PS—IwouldliketotakethistimetoremindyouthatI
receivedtheonlyA(Aplusactuallylol)inoursummerwritingcourseyearsagoLOLOL:-)Ihadto!
Longlivetheamazinganonymousduo!Lovey’alltopieces!

JacquelineRussell(Jacqueline’sReads)...Firstofall,thankyoufortakingachanceonMidLife

LoveandstickingwithmethroughallthecrazyreleasedatechangesforAtLast!(IknowyousayI’m
notdifficult,butIknowIam,soTHANKYOUforputtingupwithmeanyway!)Iappreciateyouso
muchforgivingmeyourno-holds-barredopiniononearlierdraftsandhelpingmewiththepacing.
I'mhonoredthatyou'rehostingtheblogtourforthisbookandevenmorehonoredthatyoureadthe
uneditedANDeditedversions.(**Youareonebravesoulforthatbecausewithyourmile-longTBR
list?Yeah...Notmanywouldevendarereadanuneditedpiece—morethanonce.LOL)Iwilldefinitely
takeyouradviceand"kinkitup"inthenextbookand,nowait—I'lljust...Just—No,butI—SeewhatI
didthere?*Laughing*(Don’tforgettotellyourhusbandIsaidthankyouforpointingoutthe
DVD/VHSthing...Honestly,whoelsewould'venoticedsomethinglikethat?:-))

StephanieLockeatRudeGirlBookBlogthankyouforallthewonderfuladviceyou’vegivenme

alongtheway!Ireallyreallyappreciateitandwillprobablybeaskingyouformoresoon!LisaKane
atThreeChicksandTheirBooks,thankyouforsharingmybooksandreadingthem(atthespeedof
light)!KristineandKristyatBookAddictMumma,JenniferMitchellatTwoSassyChicks,Nicole
BlanchardatMissConstruedReviews,DebraattheBook-Enthusiast,andalltheladiesatTheDirty
HoesBookBlog—THANKYOU!!!I’meffinhonoredtobeonyourradarandevenmorehonored
forthesupportyou’vegivenme.

Toevery.single.book.blogger.whohaseverreadmywork(whetheryouloveditorhatedit)—

THANKYOU!THANKYOU!THANKYOU!IamforeverindebtedtoyouandI'mthinkingofa
grandwaytopayyouallback!(Seriously.Somethingmustbedone.)

JenniferWilliams.You’restillthebestsisterintheworldandalwayswillbe.Ithankyoufor

believingineverythingIwrite.[“Howmanytimesdowehavetohavethisconversation?!”:-)]

JayWilliamsandWilliamRayEdwardsII—Thankyouforrespecting“myzone”againand

randomlyinterruptingitwithyourimpressionsofBanefromTheDarkKnightRises.

Tomyparents.LaFrancineandWilliamEdwards...Thankyouonceagainforbelievinginme!It

meansmorethanyou’lleverknow!

TomyfriendsthatIadmirefromafar:AlonnaGrigsby,NadiraWilliams,AsterTeclay,Ashley

Warren,TanishaHill,SherbrinaShepherd,ChristinaRoyster,CourtneyJohnson,AngelicaHarris,
VinceCunningham,andKarleicEllison.

TofellowMemphianJustinTimberlake.OnceagainThe20/20Experiencehelpedmewritethis

book!You’reamazing!

ToColleenHoover,JamieMcGuire,AbbiGlines,ArianneRichmonde,TheresaRagan,Mimi

Strong,ShanoraWilliams,AbriaMattina,AliceTribue,LauraBabcockDunaway,andmanymore
indieauthorswhomIadmireandlookupto.Istalkyouallreligiouslyandlearnmoreandmorefrom
youeveryday...Yes,I’mborderlinecreepy,butwhatevs:-)

LastandNEVERleast,THANKYOUtoalltheincrediblereaderswhoarereadingthisbookto

theveryend!IhopeyouenjoyedtherestofClaireandJonathan'sstoryandthatthey'llcontinueto
holdaveryspecialplaceinyourheart.

Youarethebestreadersagirlcouldeveraskfor!
Love,
Whit
PS—Idareyoutoaskmeaboutatrilogy...Idareyou.LOL

DearIncredibleReader,
Thankyousomuchfortakingtimeoutofyourlifetoreadthisbook!Ihopeyouwerethoroughly

entertainedandenjoyedreadingitasmuchasIenjoyedwritingit.

Ifyouhaveanyextratime,PLEASEleaveareviewonamazon.com,B&N.com,goodreads.com,

ORsendmeanemail(

whitgracia@gmail.com

)soIcanpersonallythankyou:-)Ifyouhatedit,

well....keepthatshittoyourself!LOL(Justkidding.FeelfreetoletmeknowhowIcanimprovenext
time!)

I’mforevergratefulforyouandyourtime,andIhopetobere-invitedtoyourbookshelfwithmy

nextrelease.

Love,
WhitneyGraciaWilliams

MoreworksbyWhitneyGraciaWilliams:

TwistedLove(2014)

WastedLove(Winter2013-2014)

Mid-LifeLove(June2013)

FinalTake:ARomanticComedy(JBS)(Winter2013)

TakeThree:ARomanticComedy(JBS)(December2012)

TakeTwo:ARomanticComedy(JBS)(September2012)

CaptainofMySoul:AMemoir(July2009)

YoucankeepupwithWhitneyandthetravelsofhernon-matchingsocksat

http://www.whitneygracia.com

Tobeapartofthemailinglistandbenotifiedofreleasedatesandspecialoffers,email

whitgracia@gmail.com

with“MailingList”inthesubjectheading.

APreviewofDesperationofLovebyAliceTribue

NowavailableinAmazon’sKindleStoreandB&N’sNookStore

Blurb:

Totheoutsideworld,JordanBurkeappearstohavetheperfectlife.Afulfillingcareer,familyand
greatfriends,butlookscanbedeceiving.Eventsfromherchildhood,andapainfulsecret,keep
Jordanisolatedandunwillingtocommittoanyman.Forher,everyrelationshipcomeswithitsown
expirationdate.

AlexGarzahaslivedintheshadowofhisbrother ’sfameformostofhislife.He'sanoutcastin

hisownfamilyandneverabletoputhisownneedsfirst.Whenhisbrothergivesuphiscareerto
settledown,Alexisforcedtoreevaluatehislifeplanstoo.Overthepastyear,hisfriendshipwith
Jordanhasdevelopedintoasourceofcomfort.Nowthathehasthetimetodevotetoarelationship,
canheconvincehertotakeachanceonloveorwilltheirpainfulpastsandatragiceventdestroytheir
future?

Prologue***

Idon’twanttoopenmyeyesthismorning.Tofacethedayafterthebeautyofthenightbeforeseems
almostcruel.Keepingmyeyesfirmlyclosed,Itrytoshutoutthememoriesofmypast.Theyalways
seemtosurfaceattimeslikethese,overshadowingthemomentsofjoy.Beingtheproductofdivorced
parentsisnevereasy,butwhenyouspendthemajorityofyourchildhoodbeingusedlikeapawnina
viciouschessgame,it’skindofhardnotbeatleastalittlescrewedup.Ontopofthat,addthefeelings
ofabandonmentthatI’vestruggledwithforyearsandnowI’mnothingbutamess.HereIam,32
yearsold,andyou’dthinkthatI’dbeoveritbynow.You’dassumethatI’dbesmartenoughto
understandthatIshouldn’tletmyissuesandmyparents’uglyrelationshipaffectme.Well,I’mnot
thatsmart,andforaslongasIcanremember,Ihavesingle-handedlysabotagedeveryrelationship
I’veeverhadwithaman.It’snotthatIdon’tlongforsomethingmore,forthekindoflovethatcould
lastalifetime,Ido.Buttheparalyzingfearofendingupbrokenandaloneisenoughofamotivatorto
keepmerootedinsolitude.Myneedforself-preservationhasbecomegreaterthanmyneedforlove.
It’snoteventhatI’mafraidtodate,Idateallthetime.ItakewhatIcanforaslongasIcangetitand
thenImoveon.IdatedMarkforsevenmonths.Thatisanewrecordforme.Butwhenhestarted
pressuringmeformoreofacommitment,Ibegantopushhimaway.HeknewwhatIwasdoingand
thoughtthatthebestwaytocombatmycommitmentissueswasforustomoveintogether.Dumb
suggestiononhispart.Thatwasthelastnailinthecoffinforme.Muchlikemybestfriend,Elle,I
madeadecisiontoclosethedooronromanticrelationships.Shehadenduredatraumaticexperience
thatresultedinmanyphysicalandemotionalscars.That’swhyitwassogratifyingtoseeherwalk
downtheaisletowardVictorlastnight.HerpathtolovegivesmehopethatmaybeIcangetoutofmy
ownwaylongenoughthatImightbeabletoexperienceitoneday.Isincerelydoubtit,butitcertainly
doesn’thurttohope.

WhenIfinallydecidetoopenmyeyesandfacetheday,I’mblindedbythesunshiningthroughmy
drapes.Thebrightraysaredoingnothingtoeasemyhangover.Ipartiedwithrecklessabandonlast
nightandIhavetheheadachetoproveit.Iturnmybacktowardthewindow,tryingtoblockthepotent
morningraysandwhatIencountersobersmeupprettyquickly.Inallhonesty,I’mstunnedtofindthe
figureofamanlyingnexttome.Amanthatwithonelookcansendmespiralingoutofcontrol.I
knewfromthemomentImetAlexGarzathat,giventheopportunity,hewouldcausenothingbut
troubleformyheart.Ifoughtagoodfightbutultimatelyhe’sgottenhiswayandsomehowhasended
upinmybed.Fuck!

Chapter1***
Fourmonthslater.
Ihaven’tseenhimsincethemorningafterVictorandElle’sweddingwhenIfoundhiminmybed.

ThesadpartisthatIcan’tevenremembertheeventsofthatnight.IknowIpartiedandgotdrunk,well
wasted,really,butthemomentsthatleduptomewakingwithAlexareallablur.AndIsureashell
don’twanttoaskhimwhathappened.So,Ididwhatanyself-respectingwomanwouldhavedonein
mysituation.Isnuckout...ofmyownhouse.Ididthewalkofshameoutmyfrontdoor,slidintomy
car,anddrovetomyfriend’shouse,whereIhidoutfortheremainderoftheday.Hecalledme
severaltimesthatdaybutIleteverycallgotovoicemail.Ijustcouldn’tfacehim,andImadesureto
avoidhimoverthelastfewmonths.Heeventuallygaveuptryingtocontactme,butIknewmyluck
wouldn’tlastforeverandnowhe’sback.

VictorandEllefinallyfoundahousethattheylove,rightonthebeach,andmovedinlast

weekend.ThisleftElle’slittlecottageempty,andsinceAlexisVictor ’sonlybrotherandtheyare
goingintobusinesstogether,openinguparecordingstudio,itonlymakessenseforAlextomove
intoit.HegaveuphisapartmentinNewYorkandismovingtotownthisweekend.I’dbeenhopingto
stayfarawayfromhim,butElleinsistedthatthefourofusgoouttodinnertonighttowelcomehim
totown.Shebasicallybackedmeintoacorner.IfIdecline,I’mafraidthatshemightsuspectthat
there’ssomethinggoingonbetweenmeandAlex.Ialsodon’twantAlextothinkIcan’tsitthrougha
mealwithhimespeciallywhenhe’sdonenothingwrong.

Thatleadsmetonow,sittinginmycar,intheparkinglotoftherestaurantwherewe’reall

supposedtomeetup.Ellesentatextafewminutesago,lettingmeknowthatthethreeofthemare
waitingformeinside,yetIcan’tmove.I’dneveradmitthistoanyonebutthethoughtofseeingAlex
againisattackingmysystemwithanoverloadofemotions.Apartofmeisactuallyexcitedtoseehim
becauseI’mveryattractedtohim,butI’malsocautiousbecauseIdon’twanthimtoknowhowhe
affectsme.Moreimportantly,I’mjustplainembarrassedforgettingtrashed,bringinghimhometo
doGodknowswhat,andthenbailingimmediatelyafterwards.Itwasn’toneofmybetterplans.Under
normalcircumstances,Iwouldhavenoissuewithaonenightstand.Imight’veevenembracedit.But
thisisdifferent.Thisismybestfriend’sbrother-in-law,andit’salljustalittletoocloseforcomfort.
I’mgoingtohavetoseethisguyandbearoundhimforyearstocome,andit’sbesttojustputthat
nightbehindus.

Stallingfortime,Ipulldownthecarvisorandcheckmymakeupinthesmallmirror.Iworemy

hairdowntonight,inloosewavescascadingdownmybackandframingmyface.Mymake-upis
minimal,withonlyalightcoatingofbronzer,nudelipgloss,abitofmascara,andalightbrowneye
shadow,whichmakesmyblueeyesalittlemorevibrant.ConfidenceisdefinitelynotsomethingI’ve
everbeenlacking.Imaynotbeasupermodel,butIcanstareinamirrorandbepleasedwiththe
reflectionstaringbackatme.MaybemyassurancecomesfromthefactthatI’manonlychild.My
parentsstruggledforyearstohaveababy,tryingeverythingfromholisticmedicinetoinvitro
fertilization.Whentheyfinallyhadme,theyweresoecstaticthattheyspoiledmerotten.Don’tgetme
wrong,I’mnotabratoranything,butmyparentsneverletadaygobywithouttellingmehow
beautifulIwas.Theyalwayssaidhowproudtheywere,andtherewaslittlethatIwantedthatIdidn’t
eventuallyget.Whenmyluckranout,itwasahardlessonthatIlearned.TheonethingIreallywanted
asachilddidn’thappen.Iwantedmyparentstostaytogether,butnomatterhowmuchIbegged,cried
andfought,nothingwouldsavetheirmarriage.Whentheywentdown,theydidsoinablazeofglory,
draggingmedownwiththemandputtingmethroughahorrificcustodybattle.

Thesoundofanincomingtextmessagebringsmebacktothepresent.Ipullmyphonefromthe

centerconsoleandseethatit’sfromElle.

Ourtableisready.Areyoualmosthere?

Iguessit’snowornever.Ican’tkeepthemwaitingallnight.Iquicklytypeoutareply.
Intheparkinglot,berightin.
Exitingthecar,Istraightenoutmyblackandwhiteshiftdress.Ithitsjustabovethekneeand,

pairedwithmyblackheels,itmakesmelooktallerthanmynormalfivefeetfourinches.Thesound
ofmyshoesclackingonthepavementmatchestheincreasedrhythmofmyheart.Idon’tknowwhy
I’msonervous.I’vehungoutwithAlexonseveraloccasions,upuntilthenightofthewedding.We
evenmadeoutacoupletimes.Infact,thenightwemetatElle’shouse,wehadahotandheavymake
outsessiononhercouch,notthatIwouldeveradmitthattoheroranyoneelse.AndwhenIwasa
completeandtotalwreckwhileEllewashospitalizedafterbeingbrutallybeatenbyherlowlifeex-
boyfriend,Alexwastheretocomfortme.AndIlethim.I’veneverbeenonetoshowweakness.I
learnedearlyonthattheonlywaytosurviveinthisworldisbyexudingnothingbutstrength.That’s
whyIliftmyheadup,straightenoutmyback,andsquaremyshouldersasIentertherestaurant.Ilook
aroundforEllebutIdon’tseeherinthesmallwaitingarea.Iopenmypurseandpulloutmyphoneto
callher.

Afeatherlighttouchatmywaistsendsashiverdownmyspine.Idon’tneedtoturnaroundto

knowwhoitis.Irecognizehisfamiliarscent,amixtureofsoapandhisusualcologne,acombination
thatalwaysintoxicatesme.Heinchescloser,thefeelofhisgentlebreathonmyneckmakesmyeyes
close.

“I’dalmostforgottenjusthowbeautifulyouare.”Thedeeptimbreofhisvoicemakesmybreath

catch.Iopenmyeyesandturnaroundsothatwe’refacetoface.Onelookathimandmyheartgoes
intooverdrive.Clearly,I’veforgottenjusthowhandsomeheis.He’stall,atleast6’2”,andIhaveto
tiltmyheaduptomeethisgaze.Idomybesttolookcomposedandunaffected,eventhoughmybody
isbetrayingme.Hislightoliveskinandhoneybrowneyesarewarmandinvitingandhisfulllips,
whichI’vehadthepleasureoftastingatimeortwo,makemyimaginationrunwild.Hisbrownhairis
shorterthanIremember,thetopisspikedupabitandthesidesareshavedclose.It’sadifferentlook
forhimbuthecarriesitverywell.HisdarkgreenHenleyisfittedjusttightenoughtohintathow
rippedhismusclesare,whilehisdarkjeansfitliketheyweretailor-made.Simplyput,AlexGarzais
asmouthwateringlysexyastheycome.

“Hi,Alex,”Isay.Hesmilesanditradiatesthroughme.It’sinfectiousandimmediatelycalmsmy

nerves.Ican’thelpbutsmileback.

“Ahh,theresheis!Youdorememberme,huh?”Hegoadsmeandpullsmeintoasweetembrace.

Ifthere’sonethingIcansayaboutAlex,it’sthathe’salwaysbeenkindtome.He’sthetypeofperson
thatpeoplejustnaturallygravitateto.Ihughimbackandsay,“Ofcourse.HowcouldIforgetyou?”
There’sonlyahintofsarcasminmyvoice.

Hetiltshisheadandgrinsatme.“Doyouwantmetoanswerthat?”
I’mreallyhopingwecangetthroughthiseveningwithoutrelivingthatunfortunateincident.“Not

particularly,no,”Isay,shakingmyhead.Iimmediatelyrealizethatinordertoavoidan
uncomfortableconversation,I’mgoingtoneedabufferbetweenus.“WhereareElleandVictor?”

“Elle’sinthebathroom.Youknow,babyonthebladderandallthat,andVictorispayingthebar

tab.”

“Nope,I’mrighthere.Hey,Shorty,”Victorcalls,walkinguptous.He’stakentocallingme

Shortylatelysincehe’ssomuchtallerthanme.Helookseverybitofthesuperstarthatheis.Hisblack
shirtandjeansjustscreamdesigner.WhileAlex’shaircouldbecalledmessy,Victor ’sisstyledto
perfection.Alexisripped,Victoristoned.VictorisjustatadshorterthanAlex,andhiscomplexionis
justabitdarker,butthefactthattheyaresiblingsisundeniable.

“Hi,”Isay,givinghimahug.“How’sourgirl?”

“Uncomfortable,butbeautifulasever.”HegrinsatmeandIcanseetheexcitementandhappiness

writtenalloverhisface.ElleisinherseventhmonthofpregnancyandeverytimeIseeherandVictor
together,Iknowthatthisbabyisgoingtobesoloved.VictorsomehowmanagedtobringElleoutof
hershell,showingherthekindofhappinessthatsheneverthoughtwaspossible.Eventhoughhewas
abletohealallofheremotionalscars,she’sgivenhimjustasmuchinreturn.Love,peace,simplicity,
andaboveall,anormallifeandafamily.

“It’llbeworthitintheend,”Isay.
ElleisatVictor ’ssidebeforeIcanfinishmysentence.“Saythatwhenyou’reeightthousand

weekspregnantandswollen.”She’ssemijokingbutmoreirritatedthananythingelse.“Nooneis
happieraboutthisbabythanme,trustme,butgoodGodI’mreadyforthistobeover.”

Weallsmile,carefullybitingbacklaughterbecauseshe’sjusttoocute.Evenswollenand

uncomfortable,ElleisprobablytheprettiestpregnantwomanI’veeverseen.Heradorablebabybump
getsalittlebiggereverytimeIseeher.Shecancomplainallshewantsbutthetruthofthematteris
thatshe’sglowingandclearlyhappy.

Victorpullshertohissideandkissesthetopofherhead,soothingherinawaythatonlyhecan.

“It’sokay,love,there’snotmuchlongertogonow.”Shewrapsherarmsaroundhiswaistandmelts
intohim.

Assickeningastheyare,seeingthemtogetheralwaysdoessomethingtome.Apanginmychest

isfilledwithbothjoyforthemandahintofenvy.ThefeelingofbeinginloveissomethingI’ve
purposefullyneverexperienced.

“Alright,enoughwiththemushiness.Canwehavedinnerorwhat?”Isay,eagertogetthismeal

overwith.ThequickerIcanescapeAlex,thebetterI’llbe.

Dinnerisn’tasuncomfortableasIthoughtitwouldbe.Alexsitsnexttomeand,thankfully,he

seemsnormal,totallyunphasedbyourhookup.Oncethecheckistakencareof,Isaymygoodbyesto
everyoneandpromiseElletohavedinnerwithherlaterintheweek.

“Comeon.I’llwalkyoutoyourcar.”Alexisstandingrightbesideme.I’dratherhedidn’twalk

meanywhere.Beingalonewithhimalwaysseemstogetmeintotroublebutdenyinghimwould
causesuspicion,andI’mnotreadytoadmittoanyonewhatanidiotIam.

Reluctantly,Iagree.“Alright,thanks.”Hefollowsmeoutoftherestaurantandassoonaswe’re

outofview,hegrabsmyhand,linkinghisfingerswithmine.Ilookdownatourjoinedhands,unsure
ofwhattomakeofthegesture.Itseemsbiggerthanwhatweare,almosttoointimateforus.Onceat
mycar,Iletgoofhishandandopenthedoor.Iturntofacehimbutkeepthedoorbetweenus,usingit
asashield.Hiseyesaredark,focused,likehe’stryinghardtoreadmythoughts.I’munsureofwhat
comesnextandslightlyuncomfortablebytheintensityofhisstare,makingmefeelvulnerable.
Needingtobreakthemoment,Ifinallyspeak.“Thanksforwalkingme.Goodnight,Alex.”

Hiseyesneverleavemineasherunsahandthroughhishair.“IthinkyouandIneedtotalk.”
“Aboutwhat?”
Hemaneuversaroundthecardoorandplaceshishandsontheframe,effectivelyblockingmein.

“Aboutwhyyouleftmealoneinyourhousethemorningaftertheweddingandaboutwhyyou’ve
ignoredmeeversince.”

Ibringmyhandsuptohischestandgiveaslightpush.Hedoesn’tbudge.Ishakemyhead.“No.I

thinksomethingsarebetterleftunsaid,don’tyou?”

“Jordan.”Thesoundofmynamecomingfromhismouthfeelslikeawarning.Withoneword,

he’slettingmeknowthathe’snotmovinguntilhegetswhathewants.

Thesmartassinmegearsupforbattle.“Alex,”Ireturn,mimickinghistone.Heleansincloser,

ourchestspracticallytouchingnow.Istarttofeellightheaded,andI’mnotsureifit’sbecauseofthe
lineofquestioningorthefactthathe’ssoclosetome.

“Whathappened?”He’spersistent,notgoingtoletthisgoandIknowthatIneedtoputsome

distancebetweenus.Idon’tlikehowhemanagesme.Hecreepsundermyskin.It’sunwelcomeand
unfamiliar.I’mgoodatholdingpeopleatbay,keepingmyemotionsonlockdown.Buthegetstome
inawaythatnoonehasbefore.Ifigurethebestlineofdefenseistogivehimsomething.

“Fine!Iwasembarrassed,alright,”Isay,rollingmyeyes.“I’mnotexactlythrilledthatyouhadto

seemeallsloppydrunk.”

Hepicksupastrandofmyhairandgivesitagentletug.“Youweren’tsloppy.”
“Iwastrashed,”Ireplywithanotherrollofmyeyes.“Youdon’thavetomakeitsoundbetterthan

whatitwas.”

“Itdoesn’tmatter.”Hechuckles.
“I’msorrythatIleftyouthere.Itwaschildish.”
Helooksaway,justforamoment,likehe’stryingtocarefullychoosewhathewantstosaynext.

Helooksbackatmewithahintofasmiletuggingathislips.“Youcanmakeituptome.”

“How?”Iquestion,draggingoutthewordandsquintingmyeyesathim.
“Breakfast.”
“Breakfast?”Iask,soundingconfused.
“Yes.Tomorrowmorning,nineo’clock,Laura’sCafé.”
Icantellbythetoneinhisvoicethatit’snotarequest,butItrytogetoutofitanyway.“Idon’t

know.”

“Youdon’thaveachoice.”Iknewthatwascoming.Alexdoesn’tstrikemeasthetypetojustwalk

awaywhenhewantssomethingand,evidently,breakfastwithmeiswhathecurrentlywants.“I’llsee
youthere,princess.”Heleansin,placingakissonmyforeheadbeforewalkingawayandleavingme
towonderwhatthehelljusthappened.

Document Outline

Title Page
Copyright Page
Notice
Dedication | For the readers who wanted more...
Author’s Note:
Mid Life Love Epilogue
Mid Life Love: At Last | Whitney G.
Friday August 15, 2014
Chapter 1
Chapter 1.5
Chapter 2
Chapter 2.5
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Monday September 1, 2014
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Thursday September 18, 2014
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Epilogue
The End
Twisted Love Excerpt | Prologue:
Chapter 1
Acknowledgments
More works by Whitney Gracia Williams:
A Preview of Desperation of Love by Alice Tribue
Prologue***

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