TableofContents

BillionaireBabyMaker
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ANOTHERSTORYYOUMAYENJOY
TheVirgin’sBillionaireSingleDaddy
Epilogue

TableofContents

BillionaireBabyMaker

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

ChapterEleven

ChapterTwelve

ChapterThirteen

ChapterFourteen

ChapterFifteen

ANOTHERSTORYYOUMAYENJOY

TheVirgin’sBillionaireSingleDaddy

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

ChapterEleven

ChapterTwelve

ChapterThirteen

ChapterFourteen

Epilogue

BillionaireBabyMaker

ByLiaLee

AllRightsReserved.Copyright2017LiaLee.

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ChapterOne

Scarlett

WhenIgothome,Islumpedintomycouch,irritated.Thewholedayhadbeen

wasted.WhatwasthepointofhavingaMaster’sdegreeifIcouldn’tdoanythingwithit?

Today’sinterviewhadbeenadisaster.I’dreallythoughtIhadthisoneinthebag,

butitturnedoutIwasoverqualified.Iknewtoomuchforthejob.Whothehellhad

decidedthatifyouknewtoomuch,itwasjustasbadasknowingnothingatall?Iwould

haveworkedforthesalary.Itwasn’tlikeI’ddemandedmoremoneybecauseIhadmore

thanjustabachelor’sdegree.Itwasabsolutebullshit.IfIhadknownthatgettinga

Master’swouldruinmylifelikethis,Iwouldneverhavedoneit.

Itwastoolatenow.Ispentyearsofmylifestudyingforafabulousdegreethat

wouldgetmenowhereinlife.Awesome.

Iwalkedtomykitchenandputonthekettleforcoffee.Iwouldspendmynight

searchingforajobagain.Ididn’thavebetterthingstodowithmytimeanyway.Noman,

nopersonalprojects,andallmyfriendshadjobs,sotheywouldn’tgooutonaweeknight.

HowwasIgoingtocreatealifewhenIcouldn’tgetmyfootinthere?Imissedthe

daysofcollegewhenIwasworkingtowardsomethingthatmattered–atleast,something

I’dthoughthadmatteredatthetime.Mybiggestworryhadbeenexamsthatwerecoming

up,andbeinganadulthadbeennothingmorethanadistantdream.Now,Ihadbillsto

worryaboutandnothingtopaythemwith.

Whenthekettleboiled,Imademyselfacupofinstantcoffee.Iwouldhave

preferredthefreshlygroundstuff,butexpensivetastesfellawaywhenIfailedtofinda

job.Whenyouhadtochangeyourwayoflife,youknewyouwereinabadplace.

WasIfeelingsorryformyself?Yes.WasIbeingalittlebrat?Probably.Iguessed

everyonehadtostartsomewhere,whichIwoulddoifsomeonewouldjustgivemea

chance.Thisreallywasn’tmyfault.Lifewasabitch,wavingmydamnMaster’sdegreein

myface.

WhatIreallyneededwastofindmyselfarichmansothatIcouldsitathomeall

dayandeatchocolateanddrinktea,orgoshoppingandspendhismoney.Iwouldlet

someoneelseworryaboutbillsbeingpaid.Butthatwasn’tgoingtohappenanytimesoon.

TheonlyrelationshipsI’deverhadwereflings.Togetmarried,Iwouldhavetohavea

meaningfulrelationship,andforthat,IwouldhavetofindsomeoneIcouldgetalongwith.

Itwasn’tthateasyforsomeonelikeme.I’dalwaysbeenalittledifferentthanmy

friends.They’dbeenwiththeguysincollege,fuckingaround,gettingintoserious

relationships,onlytogettheirheartsbroken.Everyonewaslookingfortruelove,butI’d

neverbeenabletoseeitintheguysaroundme.

Theywereallsoimmature,sounstableintheirlives.Theyhadnodirection.I

couldn’trelatetothat.I’dalwaysbeenmoreserious.Tooserious,somehadeventoldme.

So,Ifuckedaround,didn’tstayafterthedeed,andlivedmylifewithoutsomeoneto

answerto.

TheonlyfriendIcouldreallyrelatetowasLily.Andthatwasonlybecausewe’d

beenfriendssincefifthgrade.Shewastheonlyonethatunderstoodme.Ihadpractically

grownupinherhouse,andIfeltlikeweweresisters.

IconsideredcallingLilytocomplaintoheraboutmylife,butI’ddonethatoften

enough,andIdidn’twanttoburdenheragain.Iknewwhatshewouldsay,anyway.

“You’llfindsomething,Scar.”

Itwaseasyforhertosay,withheremeraldgreeneyesandlongblondehair.With

lookslikethat,shecoulddoanything.Ihaddarkhairandeyes,andeventhoughIwas

pretty,Iwasn’teveryone’scupoftea.Beautiful,blonde,andsexywaseveryone’stype,

andIjustwasn’tthat.

Icarriedmycoffeetomycomputerandsatdown.IopenedmyInternetbrowserand

pulledupCraigslist.Itwasn’tthefirstplaceIwouldlookforajob,butsometimes,there

wasgoodstuffthere.

Iscrolledthroughtheads,lookingforsomething,anything,whenanunusualad

caughtmyeye.

Surrogatemotherneeded.Availableimmediately.Between23and30.$1million.

Istaredatthescreen,unsureofwhatIwasseeing.Amilliondollars?Rightherein

NewYork.Howwasthatpossible?Whohadthatmuchmoneytospendonhavinga

child?

Ifacouplewaswillingtospendthatmuchmoneyonhavingababy,Ihadtocashin

onit.Theyobviouslyhadmoneytospare,andIdesperatelyneededsome.

Ihoveredmymouseovertheadvertisement,notclickingitrightaway.Wasthis

howfarIhadfallen?WasIgoingtohavesomeoneelse’sbabyforthem?Itsounded

absurd.ButIreallyneededthemoney,andIcouldn’tfindanythingelse.Iclickedonthe

buttonbeforeIcouldstopmyselfandappliedtothejob.

Ididn’tkeeplooking.IpowereddownmycomputerbeforeIcoulddoanythingelse

thatwasstupidandwenttobed.Tomorrowwasanewday,andIwouldtryagain.

WhenIwokeupinthemorning,Icheckedmyemailoutofhabit.I’dforgotten

aboutthecrazyadthatI’dappliedto,butanemailwaitedformeinmyinbox.Application

forsurrogatemother,itread.

Iwasnervousagain.Iswallowedhardandclickedontheemail,openingit.

Dearapplicant,

Thankyouforconsideringmyoffer.Iwouldliketomeetwithyoutodiscussthe

termsofmycontract.Letmeknowiftomorrowatlunchtimewouldsuityou.

Ilookforwardtohearingfromyou.

EB.

Lunchtimetomorrow?Icheckedthetimethattheemailwassent.Lunchtimetoday,

inotherwords.

Itwascrazy,butthepromiseofthatmuchmoneydrewmein.Itwasaninsane

amountofmoney.Icoulddosomuchwiththat.Icouldpayoffallmydebts,buythe

damnapartmentIwaslivingin,insteadofpayingrenteverymonth,andthensome.

ItypedareplyandclickedsendbeforeIcouldchangemymind.Iwouldfindout

whatitwasallaboutbeforemakingafinaldecision.Goingtospeaktoacoupledidn’t

meanIwasobligatedtobeasurrogatemother,right?

Iglancedatthetime.Istillhadfourhourstokillbeforemymeeting.Iopenedmy

Internetbrowseragainanddidanothersearchforajob.Ihadtokeeplooking,tohavea

backupplanincaseitallturnedouttobeajoke.Which,honestly,Ihadaterriblefeelingit

was.

ItookacabfromBrooklyntoManhattan,whereMr.EBhadaskedtomeetatthe

MandarinOriental,NewYork.Itwasafive-starhotelwithanexpensiverestaurantcalled

Asiate.Itwasglamorousalltheway,andIwaswillingtobelievethepartaboutthe

money,atleast.

Therest,Istillwasn’tsosureabout.Iwasunderstrictinstructionstoannounce

myselftotheconcierge,givingmynametothem.Itseemedsuspicioustome.Ididn’t

knowanythingaboutthepotentialemployer,otherthanhisinitials.Whatifthiswasa

trap?Whatifthiswasamistake,andtheywantedsomethingelsefromme?

IwalkedintothelobbyattheMandarinOriental,andforamoment,Iforgotallmy

worries.Shinybeigemarblefloorsstretchedwalltowallwithaspectacularsculptureof

somethingthatremindedmeofliliesinthemiddle.Ittookmybreathaway.

Thereceptiondeskcurvedaroundtheouterwall,andIwalkedtoit,feeling

underdressed.Thewomanbehindthedeskworeafancygraydresssuit,andhernailswere

professionallymanicured.Sheofferedmeablanksmile,nodoubtwonderingwhyIwas

here.

“MynameisScarlettForbes,”Isaid.“I’msupposedtomeetsomeonehere.”

Sheturnedtoherkeyboard,hernailsclickingonthekeys,lookingmeup.

“Ah,MissForbes,”shesaid.“You’rewantedforaprivatemeeting.”Shesummoned

someone.“PleasetakeMissForbestothemeetingroomforMr.Burke.”

Burke?Lily’ssurnamewasBurke.Wasitacoincidence?

Ifollowedmynewescorttoameetingroom.Heheldopenthedoorforme.

“Mr.Burkewillbewithyouinamoment,”hesaidandleftmealoneinthemeeting

room.

Ifeltsmallandoutofplace.Thiswasn’tmyworld.Everythingwassoluxurious

andshiny,andIwasso…not.

I’dchosentowearblacksuitpantsandawhiteblouse.I’dtiedupmyhairinto

somethingthatresembledaFrenchRoll,butIdidn’tgetitquiteright.I’dputonlight

makeupandgoldenjewelry.UntilI’dwalkedintothehotel,I’dfeltoverdressed.NowI

feltcompletelyoutofplace.

Atleastthiswasn’tahotelroom.OneofmyfearshadbeenthatIwouldendup

beingsoldasasexslave.Outrageous,butnotimpossible.Seventy-fivemilliondollarsjust

didn’tsoundlegit.Iguessedthatcouldstillhappenfromtheconferenceroom,butIwas

lessworriedthanIwouldhavebeenifIhadbeensummonedtoabedroom.

Ididn’thavetowaitverylongbeforethedooropenedagainandatallmancamein.

HehaddarkhairandsquareshouldersandafaceIknewrightaway.

“Evan?”Iasked.“Thishasgottobesomekindofmistake.”

EvanBurkefroze,staringatme.“Scarlett?”

Weblinkedateachother.EvanwasLily’sfather.Nowondertheyhadthesame

surname.

Evanclearedhisthroatandwalkedtothetable.“Well,thisiscertainlyunexpected.”

“Ihavetosaythesame.Whatareyoudoinghere?”

Evanlookedunsureofhimself.“I’mtheonethatpostedthead.”

Istaredathim.Howwasthispossible?WhenIrespondedtothead,Ihadexpected

acouplethatwantedababy,notmybestfriend’sfather.

“Thisisallwrong,”Isaid.

Evanshookhishead.“Nowthatyou’rehere,wouldyouatleastliketodiscussit?”

Iswallowed.Iwasn’tsureifIwantedmybestfriend’sdadtoknowthatIwas

willingtoconsiderbeingasurrogatemother.Carryinghischildonlytowalkoutofhislife

againand…thenwhat?Lilywasn’tlivingathomeanymorebuthewasstillherfather.

Howwouldthatwork?AndhowwouldIfaceher?

Besides,itwasn’tlikeIwouldbesleepingwithhim,anyway.Thatmighthave

pushedmetosayyesalittle.

Hewashotashell,withgreeneyesthatshotstraightthroughmeanddarkhairthat

framedadistinguishedface,butsleepingwithhimhadonlybeenafantasy.Afantasythat

I’dhadtoomanytimestocount.

“Look,Scarlett,”hesaid.“Iwantababy.I’vewantedanotherchildforalongtime,

youknowthat.”AndIdid,itwassomethingLilyhadbeentalkingaboutforawhilewhen

wewereyounger.“You’vebeenaround.Youknowwhatmylovelifeislike.I’mwilling

toofferamilliontohireasurrogatemother.Willyouconsiderit?”

Myheadwasspinning.Thereweresomanyquestions.WhatthehellwasI

supposedtosaytothat?ItwasLily’sdad.Ihadgrownupwithhimasasecondfatherto

myself;carryinghisbabyseemedwronginsomanyways.

“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Ican’tdothis.”

Iturnedaroundandwalkedtothedoor.WhenIopenedit,Ilookedovermy

shoulderonemoretime,onlytoseehimstandingtherewithstormyeyes.Butno,I

couldn’tdothis.

Ilefttheroom.Howthehelldidthishappen?God,andwhatatemptation.Allthat

money…butno.EvanBurkewaseasilythehottestolderguyIhadeverseen.Hehadthe

sameeyesasLily,buttherestofherslenderbuildhadcomefromhermother.Evanwasa

solidmanwhotrainedeverydaytokeepinshape,andwhatadamngoodshapethatwas.

Heworesuitsthatmadehimlookevenbetter,withbroadshouldersandanattitudethat

toldyouexactlywhowasincharge.

Inshort,hewastheperfectspecimenforasexualfantasy.ButIwouldn’tbe

sleepingwithhim,nomatterhowmuchIwouldhavelikedto.Itwasn’tthepointof

surrogacyandnotremotelyacceptableconsideringthathewasLily’sdad.

AndIcertainlycouldn’tcarryachildforhim.

ChapterTwo

Evan

IhurriedafterScarlettwhenshelefttheroom.Mylong-leggedstridecutthe

distancebetweenusquickly.Mydressshoesmadeloud,echoingsoundalongthemarble

floors.

“Stop!”Icalledout,catchinguptoherwhenshewalkedthroughtheentrancetothe

lobby.

“Scarlett,”Isaid,grabbingherwrist.

Shestoppedandturnedtome,andIcouldn’treadtheexpressiononherface.God,

shewashotterthanIremembered.She’dalwaysbeenabeautifulwoman,butnow,she

wasdeadsexy.Herwhiteblouseandblackpantshuggedherbodyinalltherightways,

hintingatthepleasuresunderneathwithoutgivingeverythingaway.

Iwantedtotearthoseclothesoffanddragmytongueovereveryinchofthatbody.

Evennow,whenapartofmeworriedwhatshemightsaytoLily,Iwastoodrawntoher

beautytogiveashit.

Scarletthaddarkhairandbig,darkeyesthatweredeepenoughtodrownin.Her

mouthlookedlikeshewasperpetuallypouting,anditjustbeggedtobekissed.Iwantedto

slidemycockrightbetweenthosebrightredlipsandclaimthatmouthformyown.

“Iunderstandthatyoudon’twanttodothis,”Isaid.“It’sastrangethingtoask,and

it’sstrangerstillthatweknoweachother.AllIaskisthatyoudon’ttellLilyyoumetme

aboutthis.ImentionedtoherIwanttodothisbutshe’snothappyaboutit.Shethinksit’s

wrongtodoitforthesakeofhavingachildnow,sofardowntheline.”

Scarlettfrowned.“Doesn’titseemwrongtokeepitasecretfromher?Ifyou’re

makingthischoice…”

Ishookmyhead.“Lilyisoutofmyhousealready,livingherownlifeawayfrom

mine.ThisissomethingIwantforme.Ididrightbyher,makingherthesolefocusofmy

lifewhenI’vewantedtodothisalongtimeago.”

Scarlettnodded,butIstillwasn’tsureifsheunderstoodwhatIwastryingtosay.

“Youhavemyword,”shesaid,andIknewthatIcouldtrusther.She’dbeenatmy

house,playingwithLily,foryearsandyears.IknewherbetterthanI’dknownanyofmy

daughter’sotherfriends,althoughnotaswellasIwouldhavelikedtoknowher.

“Thankyou,”Isaid.

Scarlettnoddedatme,andIwatchedherwalkaway.Herhipsmovedfromsideto

sideasshetooklongstrideswithherslenderlegs.Herasswasathingofperfection.She

wasdropdeadgorgeous.Herwhiteblousehadclungtohertitswhenshe’dstoodinfront

ofmeinthemeetingroom,unbuttonedjustlowenoughthatIhadtoconcentrateonnot

lettingmyeyeswanderwhenshewaslookingatme.

I’dbecomeawareofherbodyalongtimeago.Whenshegotolderandbecamea

woman,mycockperkedupandtooknotice.Shewassohot,itwasimpossiblenotto.I

wassureshewouldbeadamngoodfuck,andI’dlovetoshowherwhatarealmancould

dotoawomanlikeher.

Whatweretheoddsthatshewastheonetorespondtothisad?Itsaidasmuch

aboutherasitsaidaboutme.

God,withgeneslikehers,breedingseemedlikeagreatidea.Butshe’dbeenrightto

turndownmyoffer.Shewasmydaughter’sbestfriend.Somethingaboutitfeltwrong.

Besides,itwouldahelloftemptationtohaveheraroundme,lookinglikeshedid,

now.She’dgrownintoabeautifulwoman.

Wrongornot,Istillhadadirtymind,andshewasalloveritnow,nakedand

writhingbeneathme.I’dfuckedalotofwomen,butsomeonelikeScarlettwouldbeareal

treat.

IwalkedbackintothehoteltocollectmybriefcasefromthemeetingroombeforeI

headedtotheoffice.IhadsomanyresponsestotheadIhadtofilterthroughthemagain

andfindtimetointerviewthemall.Theresponsehadbeenobscene.Moneywasabig

thing,herebutIcouldsparetheexpenses.Ihadinvestedinaverylargeportfolio,andI

hadtomeetwithmyaccountanttodiscussfinances.Realestateinvestmenthadgainedme

myconsiderablefortune.I’dbuiltmyselfupfromnothing.Recently,I’dboughtbackthe

veryfirstpropertythathadgottenmestarted.

Myaccountant,Ron,wasgoingthroughthenumberswithme.Myliferevolved

aroundnumbers,anendlessamountofthem.ButIcouldn’tconcentrate.Mymindwason

otherthings,onthemeetingwithScarlettandonhowI’dexplainedtoherwhatIwanted.I

hadn’tmentionedthatthemoneywasn’tguaranteed,thatIwouldonlypayifthesurrogate

motherboreason.Iguessitdidn’tmatter,now.

Iwantedason.IwantedsomeoneIcouldpassthisbusinessonto.IwantedaboyI

couldraisetobeamanaftermyownheart.AndIwasrunningoutoftime.Iwasforty-

nine,andIdidn’twantanotherwife.AllIwantedwasanotherchildtobringupinthis

world.

I’dlostmywifeClarawhenLilywasonlythree.Ithadbeenheartbreaking,but

we’dgottenthroughit.Onceuponatime–whenLilywasstillyoung–Ihadconsidered

it.She’dbeenupsetwithme,tellingmeIwasruiningwhatwehad,forgettingClara.Ihad

understoodhereshe’dcomefrom.I’dletherhaveherway–spoiledher.Maybethathad

beenwrong.Now,Iwantedsomethingagain.Notawoman–womenwerefullofshit.A

son.

Whenthemeetingwasfinallyover,Iwalkedbacktomydesk.Serenacameinwith

myafternooncoffee.

“Thankyou,”Isaid.

“YouhadacallfromaMissForbes,”shesaidafterItookthecoffeefromher.“She

askedyoutocallherbackatthisnumber.”Serenahandedmeanotewithaphonenumber

onit.

“Thankyou,”Isaidagain.“Thatwillbeall.”

Serenalefttheoffice.Shewasusedtobeingdismissed.Ifawomandidn’tknow

howtomakeherselfscarcewhenIdidn’tneedher,therewasnospaceforherinmylife.I

didn’tdosmalltalk,Ididn’tdocompassion,andIdidn’tdoanythingotherthanwhatI

wasgoodat.AndIwasgoodatexactlytwothings:makingmoneyandfucking.

Idialedthenumberonthenoteandwaited.

“Yeah?”Scarlettanswered,hervoiceclearontheotherendoftheline.

“Scarlett.It’sEvan.Youaskedmetocall.”

Shesighed.“Yeah.Iwashopingwecouldtrythatmeetingagain,ifyouhaven’t

foundsomeonebetteryet.”

Iswallowed.Noonewouldbebetterorworse.Theywereallthesameformy

purposes,awalkinguterus,abreedingmachinefortheheirtomythrone.ButIwasn’t

goingtosaythatoutloud.

“Ihaven’tfilledthepositionyet,”Isaid.

“Canwemeettonight?”sheasked.

Iglancedatmywatch.“Yeah,IthinkIcansqueezeitin.MeetmeatBar54atsix.”

“I’llbethere,”shesaid.

ThiswasgoingbetterthanIthoughtitwouldafterourfirstbriefmeeting.Maybe

Scarlettwouldbeonboardafterall.

Bar54wasarooftopbar,fifty-fourstoriesup,thatlookedoutoverManhattan.It

hadaclassyfeeltoitwithwood-paneledwalls,amirrortiledmosaicceiling,andabar

thatfacedthewindowwithwoodenstools.

IsattheredrinkingaglassofRoughRiderStraightBourbon.Ittastedlikeself-

confidencewithahintofMerlot,anditmademefeellikeIwaskingofthefuckingworld.

“Sorry,I’mlate,”Scarlettsaid,comingupnexttomeandsittingdowninthestool

nexttomine.Shehadundoneherhair,andithunginthickbrownwavesoverher

shoulders.“Thankyouformeetingme.”

Istaredather.Shewastheepitomeofsexy.Hereyesdartedaroundthebar,herlips

slightlypartedasifshewasslightlyoutofbreath.Oh,God,yes.

“WhatcanIgetyoutodrink?”Iasked.

“Justwater,please.”

Iraisedmyeyebrows.Shewasreserved.Iwasn’tsurewhattoexpectfromher.I

didn’tknowwhatshewantedtotalkabout.

Iorderedherabottledwater.

“Youwantedtotalktome?”Iaskedwhenthewaterarrived.Ipoureditinaglass

forher,andshewatchedthewaterswirl.

Shenodded,takingasipandsettingtheglassdownagain.

“Ithoughtaboutitallagain,”shesaid.“AndIwanttotalkaboutyourcontract.I

wanttodothisforyou.”

“Whatchangedyourmind?”Iasked.

Shesighed.“I’mgoingtobehonest.I’mnotinagoodplacefinancially.Ihavea

Master’sdegree,butIcan’tfindajob,andIgotanevictionnoticetoday.Ihavesomany

bills,I’mdrowning.Studentloans.Creditcards.Overduerent.Thatkindofthing.”

“So,you’redoingitforthemoney?”

“Well,itwon’texactlybeforlove,willit?”shesaid.Shewassassy.Ilikedthat.It

mademewanttofuckitoutofher.Iwasthinkingdirtythoughts.Thiswasn’taboutsex,I

remindedmyself.Itwasn’twhatIwouldbepayingherfor.

“Right,”Isaid.

Shetookanothersipofwater.“Sorry,”shesaid.“ThisisjustsomethingI’venever

eventhoughtofdoingbefore.Butthatmoneyyouoffered…it’salot.AndIneedmoney.”

Istudiedherface.Iwasawareofhertitsbeckoningtomebelowherchin,andI

wouldmuchratherhavestudiedthem,butIhadtobecivilaboutit.Fornow,anyway.I

didn’twanttoscareheraway.

“You’llcommittothis?”Iasked.“Havingababyisserious.”

Shenodded.“Iknow.”

“AndI’mgoingtoaskyoutosignacontract.Toprotectbothofus.Areyouwilling

todothat?”

Shehesitatedonlyamomentbeforenoddingagain.

“LetmeexplaintoyouexactlywhatIwantfromyou,”Isaid.“Itwillallbeinthe

contractonceyouagreetoreadandsignit,butthisiswhat’sgoingtohappen.Iwantto

sleepwithyouuntilyougetpregnant.”

Hereyeswidened.“You’renotdoingtheIVFthingorinsemination?Howdoesit

work?”

Ishookmyhead.“Iwanttodoittraditionally.”Okay,soIwasbeingadirtyolddog

forwantingitthisway.UntilI’dseenherIhadn’tconsideredhavingsexforthisbutIwas

lustingafterherlikeasonofabitchandIwasgoingtopaybigbucksforthis.“Iwantyou

tocarrymychildandgivebirth.Andthen,you’refreetogo.”

“Justlikethat?”sheasked.

Inodded.“Youareundernoobligationtostayinthechild’slifeormine.”

Herexpressionchanged,butIcouldn’treadit.IwassureI’dlaiditoutcorrectly.I

couldhavetoldherhowI’dthoughtaboutit.IcouldhavetoldherthatIwantedtofuck

her,makehermineuntilshecouldn’thelpbutgivemeachild,butthatwascrude.Itwas

true,butcrude.

Iwouldsavethoseadmissionsforaftersheagreedtomyproposal.

“Onemorething,”Isaid.“Theadwasn’tspecificenough–IdiditsothatI

wouldn’tscareofpotentialcustomers,butIamonlypayingifyougivemeason.Iwanta

son.”

Sheblinkedatme.“Thatdoesn’tmakesense,”shesaid.

Ishrugged.“Thesearemyterms.”

Shelooksoutofthewindow,thinking.

“I’lldoitononecondition,”shefinallysaid,turningherdarkeyesbacktome.

“YouhavetoconvertallmyexpensesuntilthebabyisbornsoIdon’thavetoworryabout

cash,Ifit’sagirlandyoudon’tpayme,I’llbeabletogetajobagainafterthechildis

born.”

Abusinessmind.Ilikedit.

“Done,”Isaid.

“You’resure?”

“Ifyouare,”Isaid.“You’regoingtobecarryingthechild.Andsleepingwithme.

Youunderstandthat,right?”

Sheshruggedwithoneshoulder.Wasshethatnonchalantaboutit?

Inodded.“I’llemailyouthecontracttonight.”

Shenodded,thatexpressionstillonherface.Shetookadeepbreathandblewitout

slowly.

“Doyouwanttotakemoretimetothinkaboutit?”Iasked.

Sheshookherhead.

Itwassettled.Sheleftnotlongafter,andIhadtheprivilegeofwatchingherleave

again.God,thatasscouldinspirewetdreams.Ipaidforourdrinksandleft,too.

Ilayinbedthatnight,thinkingabouther.Thiswasaboutgettinganheir,raisinga

childtotakeovermycompany,andraisingasonwhenIfeltterriblyalone.Butonthe

waytogettingmychild,Icouldfuckthehottestwomanalive.

Ipulleddownmyboxersandpalmedmydick,whichwashardandthrobbing.I

wantedtofuckhersobadly.Iwantedtostripoffherclothes,suckonhertits,andpullher

hair.Iwantedtobendheroverthebed,spreadingthatbeautifulassasIfingeredherpussy.

Iwantedtofuckherfrombehind,watchingherbodyrockbackandforth,hearingher

moanandscreammyname.

Withmyfingerswrappedaroundmycock,Ijackedmyselfoff,pumpingmyhand

upanddown,imaginingitwasScarlett.Iwantedherlipsaroundmydick,hertonguehot

andwetslidingupanddownmyshaft.Iwantedhertosuckmedry,pumpingherheadso

thatIsliddownherthroat.Iwantedtocomealloverher,inhermouth,insideofher.

Igroanedasmyorgasmbuiltandmyballstightened.Istrokedharder.Fucking

myselfwasn’tthesameasbeinginsideawoman,leastofallawomanlikeScarlett,Iwas

sure.Butthatwouldchangesoon.IwouldfuckherassoonasIwasable,andIwouldn’t

stopuntilIplantedmyseedinher.Andthensome.

IgroanedasIorgasmed,pumpinghotliquidallovermystomachandmyhand.Ilet

outasigh.ThiswouldbeahundredtimesbetterifitwasdownScarlett’sthroatorinher

pussy.

Soon,Itoldmyself.

ChapterThree

Scarlett

JustbeforelunchtimeonWednesday,ItookacabtoManhattan.Ihadagreedwith

Evanthatwecouldmeetforlunchtodiscussthings,butIdidn’twanthimtocometo

Brooklyn.ThelunchspotsinBrooklynweren’tmyfavorite,andforsomeonewhowas

usedtoforkingoutmoney,IwassuretherewerebetterspotsinManhattan.

Iwasnervous.Icouldn’tbelieveIwasdoingthis,butIneededthemoney,andwhat

elsewasIgoingtodo?Besides,Evanwasridiculouslycharming,andlastnight,he’d

managedtopersuademethatthiswasexactlywhatIwanted.

ThecabstoppedinfrontoftheSunflowerCafé,andIgotout.Evanhadaskedmeto

meethimhereforlunch.I’dthoughtitmightbetoofancy,thewaythehotelhadbeenfor

ourlittlemeeting.Bar54hadn’texactlybeenchilledout,either.Ithadhadachicvibethat

wasnothingliketheplacesLilyandIusuallywentto.

ButtheSunflowerCafewasaniceplace.Tiledfloorsstretchedwalltowallwith

littlelightshangingfromtheceiling.Woodentablesandchairsgavetheplaceahomey

atmosphere,andIfeltalotmorecomfortable.

Evanarrivedonlyafewminuteslater.Helookedputtogetherasalways,withasuit

thatshowedoffhismuscularframeandatiethatmadehimlookalittleoutofplace.

Whenhespottedme,hesmiledandwalkedtothetable.

“Youlookfantastic,”hesaid.

Iblushed.Icouldn’thelpit.SomethingaboutEvanmademefeeldisoriented,likeI

wasfreshoutofhighschoolandnotusedtomaleattention.

“Youlookprettygood,too,”Isaid,feelinglikeanidiot.

Ihaddecidedtowearasummerdressandcorkwedges,withmyhairinaponytail.I

didn’tfeellikeIlookedfantasticatalluntilEvanhadsaidit.

“Whatareyougoingtohave?”Evanasked.

Ilookeddownatthemenu,shakingmyhead.ItwasthelastthingIcouldthink

aboutnow,knowingwhatweweregoingtodo.Ihadagreedtobeasurrogatemotherfor

Evan,whichmeantthatwewouldbesleepingtogether.Ihaddreamsaboutitforalong

time,butthiswassuddenlyreal.Howcouldhesithereandlooksocalmaboutit?Judging

byhowcomfortablehewasaroundwomen,maybethiswasnormalforhim.

“Howareyougoingtodothis?”Iasked.

Evanlookedatme,andhisgreeneyeswerefullofhumor.Washelaughingatme?

“We’regoingtochoosesomethingonthemenuandaskawaitresstobringittous.”

Irolledmyeyes.“YouknowwhatImean.”

Evanchuckled.“Youdon’thavetobesonervous,”hesaid.

“Easyforyoutosay,”Isaid.“You’renottheonethatisbeingpaidbyanattractive

billionairetohaveababy.”

Evanchuckledagain,andhislaughinggreeneyesweremesmerizing.Hereached

acrossthetableandtookmyhand.Whenourskintouched,electricitypassedfromhimto

me,andmybreathhitchedinmythroat.

“Let’sjusttakeitasitcomes,”hesaid.“We’llgetthedetailsoutoftheway,andthe

restwillcomenaturally.”

Heseemedsocomfortableaboutitall.Itwasn’tthatIhadn’tbeenwithothermen,

butthisfeltsomuchdifferent.Inaway,itfeltlikeitwouldbethefirsttime.

“So,let’stalkdetails,”hesaid,lookingatme.“Doyoutakebirthcontrolpills?”

Iblinkedathim.Heaskedmesomatter-of-factly.

“I…ah…”

“Scarlett,we’regoingtogetalotmoreintimatewitheachother.You’llhavetotrust

mewithpersonaldetails.”Evansoundedserious,andIknewhewasright.WhywasI

beingdifficultaboutsuchasmallquestion?Iwasgoingtosleepwithhimandcarryhis

baby,forGod’ssake.

“I’mnotonbirthcontrol,”Isaid,blushing.Ididn’thavemoneyforadoctor’svisit

orthemonthlypayments.

“That’sperfect,sowecangettoitrightaway,”Evansaid,notevenaskingwhyI

wasn’tonbirthcontrol.Hesaid“gettoit”likeitwasabusinesstransaction.

Iguesseditwas.Ababyforseventy-fivemilliondollars.Thesexinbetweenwas

justanafterthoughttohim.God.Tothinkthatsoon,wewouldbefucking?Itwascrazy.

I’ddreamedaboutEvansomanytimes–sexdreamswherehehadmeinallsortsof

positions,takingmerepeatedly.I’dfantasizedabouthimagainandagain–myfriend’shot

dadwhohappenedtohaveoneofthebestbodiesI’deverseenandeyesthatmademefeel

nakedwhenhelookedatme.

“Isetupanappointmentforyouwithagynecologist,”hesaid.

Iswallowedhard.Surely,Icouldhavemadeanappointment?Hehadn’tevenasked

me.

“Itrusther,”hesaidasifheknewwhatIwasthinking

Inodded.Consideringthathewasforkingoutthismuchmoneyformetocarryhis

baby,IguessedIcouldgoalong.

“Theappointmentisforthree,”hesaid.Whichmeantthatwewouldgothere

straightafterlunch.

Andwedid.WewenttotheofficesofaDr.Monroe.Wesatinthewaitingroom.

Mothersinvariousstagesofpregnancysatwaiting.Ilookedattheirbellies.Thiswaswhat

waswaitingforme.Theylookedatme,glancingatEvan.Hewasoldenoughtobemy

father.Helookedsoimportant,though,thatnoonemadeapointofsayinganything.

“Forbes,”aladycalledfromtheofficedoor,andIstoodup.

“I’llwaithereforyou,”Evansaid.

ThankGod.I’dbeenterrifiedthathewouldinsistoncomingintotheconsultation

withme.Thatwouldhavebeentoomuchformetohandle.IfeltlikeImightnothavethe

libertytosaynotoEvan,shouldheinsistonbeinginappropriate.Hewaspaying,afterall,

andIneededthemoneysobadly.

“MissForbes,”thegynecologistsaid,smilingatme,andIrelaxedrightaway.She

lookedtobeafewyearsolderthanme,andshehadafriendlysmile.Herlighthairwas

pulledbackinano-nonsenseponytail.“You’relookingtogetpregnant,Ihear?”

Inodded.“Surrogate,”Isaid.

Monroenodded.“Evantoldme.I’msohappyhe’stakenthisstep.”

HowmuchhadEvantoldher?

“Let’sseewhatwe’reworkingwith,shallwe?”sheasked.

Shedidaseriesofurineandbloodtestsandaskedmequestionsaboutmycycles

androutines.Ifeltcomfortablediscussingthemwithher.IcouldseewhyEvanwould

trusther,althoughwhyheknewsuchagoodgynecologistwasanyone’sguess.She

couldn’tbeoldenoughtohavebeenLily’smother’sdoctor.

“Allright,”Monroesaidwhenweweredone.“Thebloodtestresultswon’tcome

backforafewdays,butIcantellyouwhatIdoknow.Youshouldbeovulatingabouta

weekfromnow,soifyou’reallset,youcangetgoingassoonasyouwantto.Ithinkwe

shouldarrangeforthetwoofyoutocomeinheretogetherandwecantalkaboutyour

options–inseminationisusuallythebestwaytogoandthereshouldn’tbeany

complications.You’reyoungandhealthy.”

Ishookmyhead.“We’redoingitthetraditionalway.”

Monroeblinkedatme.Iwassureshewasgoingtosaysomething,butshejust

noddedandmadeanote.

“Well,thatsimplifiesthings,then.”

Ifeltself-conscious.Everyonetalkedaboutitlikeitwasabusinessdeal.Maybeit

was,butthiswasstillmybody,andweweretalkingabouthavingababy–thetraditional

way–forcryingoutloud.ButIwasdoingitformoney.

“Thankyou,Dr.Monroe,”IsaidtoherwhenIgotuptoleave.Iwantedtoescape.

Shehadbeennothingbutnice,butIwasstartingtofeelalittleinvaded.Ilefttheoffice

andwalkedbacktothewaitingroom.Evanstoodupwhenhesawme.

Wewalkedoutofthebuildingtogether,Evannotsayingaworduntilwewereinthe

car.We’dcomehereinhiscar–ablackmonstrositythatwasalmostlongenoughtoqualify

asalimo.

HerespectedmyprivacyalotmorethanI’dthoughthewould.

“How’ditgo?”heaskedwhenwewereinthecar.

Iwasawareofhowclosehewassitting,onlyinchesofleatherseatopenbetween

us.Iglancedtowardthedriver.Hewasbehindatintedglassscreen.

“Itwentokay,”Isaid.“She…shesaidI’movulatinginaweek.”

Evansmiled.“That’sverygood,”hesaid.

Inodded.“Shesaidso,too.”

Evan’seyeswerebrightwhenhelookedatme,andIknewexactlywhathewas

thinking.Hewantedtogetmenaked.Hewantedtostickhisdickinmeandstartmaking

babies.Hislustwaswrittenalloverhisface.ButIhadtoadmit,theideaofhavingto

sleepwithhimoutofnecessitywasaturn-onforme,too.

Icouldthinkofworsewaystoearnaliving.

HowmanytimeshadIdreamedaboutwhatitwouldbelikeifEvanpinnedme

downonthebedandclaimedme?Iwantedhimtoundressme,peelingmyclothesbackin

layersuntilIwasnakedinfrontofhim.I’dseenhisbody–mostofit–whenI’dbeenover

atLily’sandhe’dbeenatthepool.

Evanhadthekindofbodythathadbeenmaintainedforyears.Hetrainedregularly,

anditshowed.

AndIhadanideaofthesizeofhisdick,aswell.Evanwasoldschooland

unashamedofhisbody,whichmeantthataSpeedowasmorethanenoughcoveragefor

him.He’dgottenoutofthepoolonceafterswimminglaps,andI’dgottenagoodlookat

whatthematerialwastracing.

“So,”hesaid.“Areyoureadytogetstartedrightaway?”

Iblushed.Mycheeksburnedbrightred,andhegrinnedatme.

“You’reblushing,”hesaid.

Inodded.

“Why?”

Itookadeepbreath.“Idon’tknowifthisisappropriatetosay,butI’vehadacrush

onyouforawhile.Imean…I’vethoughtaboutyou,youknow?”

Itcameoutallwrong,andIblushedmore.Evanchuckled.

“Really,now?”heasked.

Inodded.Iwasn’tgoingtotellhimwhatthedetailsofmyfantasieshadbeen,of

course.ButsleepingwithEvan–orrather,havinghimfuckme–wassomethingI’dwanted

foralongtime.Iwantedhimtotakemebacktohisplace,dragmetohisbedroomlikea

Viking,stripmeofmyclothes,andfuckmehard.Iwantedhimtotreatmelikeapieceof

ass.Hewasalwayssocharming,suchagentlemantome.Now,Iwantedhimtofuckme

likeananimal.

Thethoughtsweresovivid.Iwasgettingwet.Iscissoredmythighstogether,

shiftingalittleontheleatherseat.Thesexualtensionwassothickinthecar,Icould

barelybreathe.Icouldn’tthinkaboutanythingotherthanEvanandwhathemightdoto

melaterwhenwe“gotstarted.”

“Youwantme,”Evansaid.Itwasn’taquestion.

Inodded.

“Good,”hesaid.Heleanedclosertome.Hislipsbrushedagainstmine,andI

shivered.“Verygood.”

Hebreathedagainstmylips.Mybodyresponded,heatwashingthroughmeand

poolingbetweenmylegs.Imeltedintomypanties.God,IwantedEvan.

Buthedidn’tmakeanothermove.Instead,hesatback,openingthepartition

betweenusandthedriverandgavehimmyaddresstodropmeoffathome.

Thiswasn’tpartofthebargain,butIhadafeelingteasingwasEvan’spersonal

flare.

Anditwaseffective.

God,itwaseffective.

ChapterFour

Evan

ImadeareservationforusatDanielinManhattan,andItookScarlettouttoatreat.

Shewasabeautifulwoman,andshedeservedtobewinedanddined.ItwastheleastI

coulddo.Shewasgivingherbodytome,andIcouldatleastmakeherfeelspecial.

WhenIcollectedherfromherapartment,shelookedbreathtaking.Sheworeablack

dressthathuggedhercurvesandrevealedjustenoughofherbody.Itmademewantto

peelthedressoffherandtakeherrightbackinside,butIwouldbehaveuntillater.

“Youlookstunning,”Isaidwhenshegotintothecar.

Shesmiled,blushing.Iwasn’tusedtowomenblushingsomuch.ThewomenI

usuallyspentmytimewithhadnothinglefttoblushabout.Itwasrefreshingtobearound

someonelikeScarlettagain.

ThecardroveusacrossBrooklyntowardDanielinManhattan.Theatmospherein

thecarwithelectric.Neitherofussaidanything,butIcouldalmosttasteherenergyonmy

tongue.Ibreathedindeeply,andhersentfilledmynostrils.Whenwestoppedinfrontof

therestaurant,Igotoutfirstandofferedhermyhand.Shetookitgraciously,andIledher

intotherestaurant.

Thediningroomwasbeautiful,withwhitepillarsandhigharches,arichcarpetof

spiraldesigns,andtablesscatteredacrossthefloor,adornedinwhitetablecloths.

“Thisplaceisunbelievable,”Scarlettsaid,lookingaround.

“I’mgladyoulikeit.It’snothingcomparedtoyou.”

Moreblushing.Icouldn’tgetenoughofher,andwewerejustgettingstarted.

Scarlettlookedatmewithbigbrowneyeswhenwesatdown.Herlipswereadeep

red,andsheworethatpoutagainthatIfoundirresistible.

“Don’tlookatmelikethat,”Isaid.

“Likewhat?”Shefrowned.

“Listentome,Princess,”Isaid.“You’reparticularlyirresistibletonight,andit’s

takingalltheself-controlIhavenottogiveupourreservationanddragyouhome,

instead.”

Sheblinkedatme.Aslowsmilespreadacrossherface.

“WhosaysIwantyoutotakemehomewithyou,afterward?”sheasked.

Sheputherelbowsonthetable,andhernecklinedippedenoughsothatIsawa

generousamountofflesh.Iwasn’tsureifshediditonpurpose,butitwasworking.I

wonderedwhatthatsoftskinwouldtastelikebetweenmylips,andwhatshewouldlook

likeifherdresswasstrippedaway.

“Don’tplaygameswithme,sweetheart,”Isaid.“Iplayalotharderthanyou,and

I’malwaysgoingtocomeoutontop.”

Shewasbeingatease.Therewasnothingasdeliciousandashorribleasatease.

“Who’splayinggames?”sheasked.

Ishookmyheadandfocusedonthemenu.Iwasdeterminedtogetthroughtwo

courses,atleast.

Weorderedanappetizer,andforashortwhile,wemanagedtomakeconversation.

“Whyaren’tyoudating?”Iasked.“Abeautifulwomansuchasyourself,inthe

primeofherlife,shouldn’tbesingle.”

Scarlettshrugged.Iglancedatherneckline,stilldangerouslylow.Hertitslooked

fantastic.

“Ihaven’tmettherightguy,yet,Iguess.Isn’tthatthestandardanswer?”

“Itis,”Isaid.“Butwhat’syouranswer?”

Sheshruggedagain.“MaybeI’mjustdifferent.”

Oh,yeah.Differentwasawaytodescribeit.Differentandfuckingsexy.Ihad

wickedthoughtsoftakinghersomewhereprivate,pushingherdressup,andkneelingin

frontofher.Iwantedtobreatheinherscent.Iwantedtoknowwhatshetastedlike.

“Whataboutyou?”sheasked.

Iglancedather.“Areyouaskingmethesamequestion?”Iasked.

“Whynot?You’renotabovedating,right?”

Ishookmyhead.“Ifellinlove,once.WhenClaradied,shetookmyheartwithher.

AllIhavenowarethepleasuresoftheflesh.”

Shegrinned.“Listentoyou,‘pleasuresoftheflesh.’”

Ireachedacrossthetableandputmyhandonherwrist,rubbingmythumbback

andforthonhersoftskin.

“Youhavenoideahowharditisformetobehaverightnow,”Isaid.

Mycockwasthrobbingandachingforrelease.IwantedtopushitintoScarlettuntil

shecriedout.Iwantedtofuckhersohard,shebeggedmetocome.Iwilledhertoknow

whatIwasthinking,showingherwithmyeyes.

Hercheeksflusheddeepred,andsheswallowedandglancedaroundusasifshe

justrememberedweweren’talone.

“WhatifIdon’tdosexonthefirstdate?”sheaskedme.

“I’mpayingyou.”

Shelookedhurt.“You’remakingmesoundlikeaprostitute.”

“Youknowthat’snotwhatImean,”Isaid.Itdidmakehersoundlikethat,though.

Andforallintentsandpurposes,sexwaspartofwhatIwaspayingfor.AndIintendedto

getwhatIpaidfor.

Shepouted,anditmademewanttofuckhermouth.Iwatchedherlips,mesmerized

bythewaytheymovedwhenshetookasipofwine,tookabiteoffood,andswallowed.

Icouldthinkofotherthingsforhertoswallow.

“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”sheasked.

“Comehomewithmetonight,andI’llshowyou,”Isaid.

Hereyeswidened.Iwatchedaslustfilledhereyes.Shewantedme,too.Shewas

shockedatmyadvances,butshewasturnedon,too.

ItwasexactlywhatIwanted.Iwantedhertowantme.Itwasn’tarequirement,but

wewouldhaveahellofalotmorefuntogetherthisway.

Herlipspartedslightly.Sheshiftedinherseatandarchedherbacksothathertits

wereondisplayforme.Iwantedmore.Somuchmore.

Dinnertookforever,butIfinallygotthecheck,andweleft.Sheslidintotheleather

seatsinthecar.Ifollowedsuit,shiftinguntilIwasrightupagainsther.Shewaspressed

againstmyside,andherskinwashot.Iputmyhandonherthigh.Shedidn’tstopme.

Islowlyslidmyhandupward,strokingherbareskinbeneaththedressshewas

wearing.Herskinwassilkysmooth.Iwonderedifshewaxedallthewaytothetop.Her

breathhitchedinherthroatasIslidhigherandhigher.SheknewwhatIwanted.Shecould

stillstopmeifshereallywantedto.

Shedidn’twantto.ShewasjustahornyasIwas,fromwhatIcouldtell.She’d

confessedtomethatshe’dhadacrushonmeforawhile.Shewasn’tasinnocentasshe

seemed.

Whenmyfingerbrushedagainstthesilkofherpanties,shegaspedsoftly.Iturned

toherandclosedmymouthoverhers,kissingher.Ipushedmytongueintohermouth,

penetratingher.Shetastedlikewineandlust.Shemovedherhips,rollingthemsothatshe

pushedherpussyagainstmyfingers.Igroaned.

“You’readirtygirl,Scar,”Isaidagainstherlips.

“Youhavenoidea,”sheresponded,andmycockpulsatedinmypants.

Ireachedforherhandandputitonmydick.Shestartedstrokingmerightaway,

movingherhandupanddownmyshaftthroughmypants.

Thecarfinallyarrivedatmyplace,andIbrokethekiss.Iswallowedandopenedthe

door,gettingout.IhelpedScarlettoutofthecar,whichleftassoonasIshutthedoor

behindher.Iledhertothefrontdoorofmymansionandintothegreathall.

Themomentwewereinside,Ipushedherupagainstthewall.Iwasgoingtogether

nakedandundermeasfastasIcould.Myhandswenttohertits.God,I’dbeenwantingto

gropethemallnight.Theywerelargeandsuppleinmyhands,allreal.Igroundmycock

againsthercrotch,mytongueexploringhermouth,andshemoaned.

Iwantedhernaked.Thebedroomwassofuckingfaraway.Thelivingroomwould

do.Wemadeourwayacrosstheentrancehall,kissingandtouching.Desirebuiltinthepit

ofmystomach.Wecollapsedontheclosestcouch,andIgotontopofher,buckingmy

hipsagainsthers,eventhoughwewerestilldressed.Herlegswereopenforme,oneleg

barethroughtheslitinherdress.

Iwasgoingtofuckheruntilhermoansshookthewallsofthehouse.

“What’sthat?”Scarlettasked,freezing.

Thepanicinhervoicemademestopandlisten.Thesoundofkeysjinglingatthe

frontdoorbecameclearer,followedbythedoorclickingopen.IgotoffScarlettinaflash,

andshepushedherselfup,fixingherdress.Herhairwasabitofamess,butsheranher

fingersthroughit.

“Daddy?”Lily’svoiceechoedthroughtheentrancehall.

Shit.

IglancedatScarlett.Shelookedalittlepanicked,butshenodded.

“I’minhere,honey,”Icalled.

Footstepsechoedthroughtheentrancehall,andthenLilyappearedinthedoorto

thelivingroom.ShelookedatScarlettandfrowned.

“Scar?Whatareyoudoinghere?”

“Shecametoseemeforapossiblepositionatthecompany,”Isaidsmoothly.

“Oh,”Lilysaid.“Right.”

LilyandScarlettwereclosefriends.I’dassumedLilywouldknowthatScarletthad

beenstrugglingwithfindingajob.Lilylookedatme.

“Weweresupposedtohavedinnertonight,”shesaid.

God,I’dcompletelyforgottenaboutthat.MymindhadbeenfullofScarlettsince

themomentI’dfoundoutwhohadrespondedtomyCraigslistad.

“I’msosorry,honey,”Isaid.“Thingshavebeenroughatwork,andIwaseagerto

gethome.Scarlettcalledjustafterthat,andIforgotaboutourdinnercompletely.”

Lilynodded.“It’sokay,Dad,”shesaid.ShelookedatScarlettagainandsmiled.“I

hopeyoufindsomething,Scar.Iknowit’sbeenhard.”

Scarlettsmiled.Shedidn’tlookpanickedoronthespotanymore.Infact,shewasas

smoothasI’dbeen.

“Thanks,Lil,”shesaid.“Let’sdocoffeetomorrow?”

Lilysmiled.“Ofcourse,”shesaid.“I’llcallyouinthemorning.”

Sheblewmeakissandleftthehouseagain.Wewaiteduntilthefrontdoorclosed.

Whenshewassurewewerealone,Scarlettletoutabreath.

“Thatwasclose,”shesaid.

Inodded.“Very.”

Scarlettclearedherthroatandstoodup.Theatmospherehadchanged.Theterrible

lustcalmedalittle.

“IthinkIshouldgetgoing,”shesaid.

Ifrowned.“Ican’ttemptyoutostay?”Iasked.

Scarlettshookherhead.“I’msorry.Almostgettingcaughtkindofkilledthemood.”

Shewasleaving,andmydickwasstillthrobbinginmypants.Foramoment,I

thoughtaboutpressingmyselfagainstherandattemptingtostartupagain,butifScarlett

wantedtoleave,Iwasn’tgoingtostopher.Therewasstilltime.Iwaspayinghertobe

here,afterall.Thiswouldhappenagain.

“Letmewalkyoutothedoor,”Isaid.

Scarlettnodded,andIescortedhertothefrontdoor.Icalledforthecarandopened

thedoorforher,tellingthedrivertotakeherhome.Whenshewasgone,Isighedand

wentbackintothehouse.Ihadanunsatisfieddesire,ahardcockinmypants,andnothing

tofuckbutownhand.

Whatanight.

ChapterFive

Scarlett

Icouldn’tgetEvanoutofmymind.Everythingabouthimscreamedsexappeal,and

Iwantedhim.Iwantedhimtofuckme.Thewayhe’dbeenwithmelastnight…I

shiveredjustthinkingaboutit.He’dbeensoforward,sodemanding.Ithadmademewet,

arousedallthewaydowntomycore.

Wewouldhavefuckedifithadn’tbeenforLily.Herarrivalhadbeensuchaclose

call,ithadsuckedthemoodrightoutoftheroom.Atleast,forme.Evanhadlookedas

readytofuckaseveraftershe’dleft,butIcouldn’tjustturnitonagainlikethat.

Notwithastranger.

Ofcourse,Evanwasn’texactlyastranger.IhadknownhimforaslongasIcould

remember.Buthe’dalwaysbeenasortoffatherfigure,notalover.EvenifI’dfantasized

abouthimsomanytimes.I’dseenthatasthethoughtsofadirtyschoolgirl–nothingthat

wouldmanifestitself.

Allthathadchangedduringthepastfewdays,andIsawhiminadifferentlight

now.

Iwantedhimdifferentlynow.

Whichwaswhy,aftermycoffeewithLily,IcalledEvanandaskedhimifIcould

comeovertohisplacetospeaktohim.

Iwasn’tplanningonspeakingmuch.IwasworriedLilywouldshowupagain.I

couldn’tdoascaretwonightsinarow.Evanwasstillmybestfriend’sdad,andifshe

foundoutwhatweweredoing,shewouldlosehershit.Idoubtedshewouldbeokaywith

mesleepingwithherdad,letaloneknowingIwouldcarryhischild.

IpushedthethoughtsawayinthecabonthewaytoEvan’splace.Themansionwas

spectacular.Lastnight,Ihadn’tbeenabletotakeinmuchofit.I’dhadotherthingsonmy

mind.Today,IhadtimetolookattheplaceasIwalkeduptothefrontdoor.

Lilyhadgrownupinadifferenthouse–theBurkeshadstayedacoupleofblocksto

theNorthinahomethathadbeensuitedforsleepoversandmovienightsandpoolparties.

Thisplacewassomethingelse.Itwasabachelorpadonsteroids.

Thefrontdoorwasdoublevolumewithstainedglassoneithersideandbiggolden

handles.Ipulledthechainandadoorbellsoundedlikeitbelongedtoacathedralinstead.

Itdidn’ttakeverylongbeforeEvanopenedthedoorwithagrin.

“Iexpectedabutler,”Isaid.

“Isentthehelphome,today.Iwantedtogiveusthechancetobealone.”

Ismiled.“Yourdoorbellisfancy,”Isaid.

“Thathasn’tbeenusedinyears,”hesaid.

“Whatdoyouhaveitfor,then?”

Heshrugged.“Withphonecallsandtexts,Ialwaysknowwhenpeoplearrive.”

Hesteppedtothesideandletmein.Theentrancehallwasjustasspectacularasthe

frontdoor.Whitewallsstretcheduptoahighceilingwithwindowsatthetop,lettingin

lightwithoutsacrificingprivacy.Astaircaseledtoasecondfloorontheright,andtheleft

wascoveredwithalargeabstractpainting.

“Thisplaceisgreat,”Isaid.

“Comethroughtothebar,”Evansaid.

Ifollowedhimthroughthelivingroomintoanotherroomthatwasclearlymeantfor

entertaining.Largedoubledoorsopenedontoapatio.Icouldseetheedgeofapool

beyondthat,andinthedimminglightofthesettingsun,thegardenlookedimmaculate.I

imaginedEvanhavinglavishpartiesherewithgueststhatdressedtotheninesand

shimmiedaroundbraggingabouttheirmoney.

Howwashegoingtomakespaceforababyinthislife?Hewaslivingthesingle,

carefreelifeagain.

IturnedmyattentiontoEvan.Hestoodbehindthebar,pouringtwoglassesofred

wine.Thedrinkofseduction,I’dreadsomewhere.Evanlookedasrichashis

surroundings.Heworeaturtleneckandablazerthatwouldhavemadehimlooklikean

oldmanifithadn’tbeenforhisgreatphysiqueandhisdistinguishedfeatures.Whenhe

lookedupatme,feelingmyeyesonhim,hiseyeshadatwinkleofmischiefinthem,and

hegavemeanaughtysmile.

Hewalkedtowardmeandhandedmetheglassofwine.

“We’renotgoingtobeinterruptedtonight?”Iasked.

Evanshookhishead.“I’vemadesurethateveryoneknowsIhaveaveryimportant

meetingtonight,andI’mnottobedisturbed.”

Ismiledandsippedmywine.Itwasdryandfloral,slidingdownmythroat.

Wedrankwineandtalkedabouttrivialthings,makingsmalltalk,getting

comfortablearoundeachother.Thewinemademefeellightandwarm.Iwasgettingmore

atease.Isatonabarstoolatthebar,andEvanleanedonitwithoneelbow,hisbody

turnedtome.Iwasawareofhowclosehewas,ofthesmellofhiscolognewrapping

aroundme.Mylegsweredeliciouslynumbfromthewine,andIfeltthefamiliartwingeof

arousalinmycrotch.

Alcoholalwaysturnedmeon.HavingEvannexttome,attractiveandoh-so-male,

nudgedmealong.

“I’mgladlastnightdidn’tscareyouoff,”Evansaid.Hetrailedhisfingertipsalong

mybarethigh.I’dchosenasummerdressandcorkwedgestocomeseehim.Dresses

mademefeelsexier,moreelegant.

“Itwilltakemorethanthattogetridofme,”Isaid.

Evanslidhishandupmythigh,andIshivered.

“I’mglad,”hesaid.Hewasinchingclosertomewithhisface.“Iwouldhatetolose

youbecauseofilltiming.”

“Youpaymetobehere,remember?”Iwhispered,smiling.Myeyeswereonhis

lips.Hewasonlyinchesawayfrommenow.WhenIglancedathiseyes,theywereonmy

lips,too.Iclosedmyeyes,andamomentlater,Evan’slipspressedagainstmine.

Thecurrentthatseemedtoalwaysaccompanyhimcoursedthroughmybody,andI

sighedintohismouth.Evanputhishandbehindmyneckandkissedme.Thekissbecame

urgentveryquickly.Histongueslippedintomymouth.

Iopenedmylegssohecouldstandbetweenthem,ourwineglassesforgottenonthe

bar.Evan’sotherhandcuppedmycheekbeforehetraileditdownmyneck,thumbingmy

collarboneforamomentbeforehemovedontotheskinonmychest.Hishandsweresure,

knowingwheretheywereheaded.

Igaspedwhenhishandslidontomybreastandhemassagedme.Icouldfeelmy

nippleshardenagainstthepaddingofmybra.

Evanslidhishandaroundmywaist,movingdownhisotherhand,andhepulledme

towardhimsothathisdickpressedagainstmycrotch.Igasped.Hewashardandeagerfor

me.Helookedmeintheeyes,andhisfacespelledoutlust,pupilsdilated.

“Iwanttofuckyou,”hegrowled.

Ishivered,hiswordsturningmeonevenmore.Thealcoholhadrelaxedmeenough

nottocareaboutbeingnervousorshy.IwantedEvantofuckme,too.

“Whatareyouwaitingfor?”Iasked.

Evan’seyesfilledwithhungerjustbeforehekissedmeagain,mashinghislips

againstmine.Thekisswasurgent.Hegroundhimselfagainstme,pullingmecloserwith

hishandsonmyhipsaswemadeout,ourtonguesslidingaroundeachother,tastingeach

other.

“You’resofuckinghot,Scarlett,”hemurmuredagainstmymouth.

EvanliftedmeoffthestoolasifIweighednothing.Iwrappedmylegsaroundhis

waisttohelphim,andhecarriedmeoutofthebaranddownapassagetotheside.I

startedslipping,andheputmedownhalfway.Ipeeledhisblazeroffaswewentalong,got

ridofhisshirtandpushedmyfingersintothedarkhairthatcurledonhischest.Hetugged

atmydressandfinallymanagedtogetitovermyhead.Hedroppeditonthefloor,adding

ittothetrailofclothesweleftbehindus.Wemadeourwayintoabedroom.Ididn’tpaya

lotofattentiontotheroom.Ihadthefeelingitwashugewithmodernpiecesoffurniture

scatteredaround.

Evanguidedmetowardalargebedandlaidmedownonthemattress.Hekickedoff

hisshoesbeforehecrawledontothebedwithme.Hekissedhiswayupmylegstoward

mypanties.Imoanedashishandsprecededhismouth.Hecurledhisfingersaroundmy

pantiesandyankedthemdown.Icriedout.Iwassuddenlynakedfromthewaistdownas

hepulledthepantiesovermyfeet,takingoffmywedgesashewentalong,andthrowing

themoffthebed.

Hedovebetweenmylegsandclosedhismoutharoundmypussy,flickinghis

tongueovermyclit.Icriedoutandsquirmed.Evanputhishandsonmyhipsandgripped

mefirmly,holdingmeinplace.

Heatemeout,suckingandlicking.Imoanedandcriedoutashepushedmecloser

andclosertoanorgasm.

Itdidn’ttakemuchtimeatallbeforeItumbledintomyfirstwaveofbliss.Icried

out,myhandsdiggingintoEvan’shair,andIbuckedmyhips,fuckinghisfaceaswaves

ofpleasurewashedoverme.

WhenIcamedown,Evanliftedhisheadandwipedhismouthwiththebackofhis

hand.Hegotoffthebedandundidhispants,slowlypullingthemoff.Hisbodywasin

greatshape–hedidn’tlookalmostfiftyatall–andwhenhepulledouthiscock,Igasped.I

hadthoughtIknewthesizeofhim,buthardandstraininglikethis,hewasevenbigger.

“Takeofyourbra,”hesaid.Isatupanddidasheasked,andIwasnakedinfrontof

him,sittingonthebedondisplay.

Evangotontothebedagain,andthemattressdippedunderhisweight.Hestoodon

hiskneesbetweenmylegs,backstraight,dickstraining,andIknewwhathewanted.I

wantedit,too.

Ishiftedtowardhimandclosedmymoutharoundhiscock.Hegroaned.Ilookedup

athim,makingmyeyesbig,andslidhisshaftintomymouth,swirlingmytonguearound

him.Hislipswereparted,hisbreathingshallowanderratic.Ibobbedmyheadbackand

forth.Icuppedhisballswithmyhandandpushedhimdeeperanddeeperintomymouth

untilhereachedthebackofmythroat.

“That’senough,Scarlett,”Evangrowledandpulledback,slippingoutofmymouth

withapop.

Ididn’thavetimetoask,evenifIwantedto.Evanleaneddownandkissedme,his

tonguedartingintomymouthforjustamomentbeforehepushedmeback.Hecrawled

overme,hisarmsoneithersideofmyhead,andhepositionedhiscockatmyentrance.I

heldmybreathashepushedthetipin,andImoanedinoneloudcryasheslidintome,all

thewaytothehilt.Ishudderedbeneathhim,tryingtoadjusttohissize.Hefilledmeup,

splittingmybodyapartwithhiscock.

Evandidn’tgivemealotoftimetogetusedtothesizeofhimbeforehestarted

slidinginandoutofme.Icriedoutashepushedagainstmycervicalwall,reachingmy

depthswithease.Hepumpedinandoutofme,buckinghishipsharderandharder,andI

criedoutandmoaned,gettinglostinthesexualblissthatwashedovermelikeawave.

Heatspilledthroughmybody.MybreastsmovedbackandforthintimewithEvan’s

fucking.MyfingersgrippedhisshouldersasIheldonwhilehepoundedintome.

Thesoundofoursexfilledtheroom,thesoundofmycriesandmoans,hisgrunts,

andtheslapandsuckofthickfleshslammingintomywetness.Anotherorgasmbuilt

insideme,startingatmycoreandfillingoutwardlikeIwasacupofhotwater,readyto

spillover.

Evanknewitsomehow.Hekepthispace,strokinghiscockovermyg-spotagain

andagain,pushingmefurtherandfurther.

Heloweredhimselftohiselbowssothathischestwasagainstmybreasts.Hisskin

wasslickonminewherewetouched,oursweatmingling.

Theorgasmcreptcloserandcloser,mycoreclenching.Icriedoutasitwashedover

me.MynailsbitintoEvan’sshoulders,andhegrunted.Iclosedmylegsaroundhim,my

bodycurling,andforamoment,Ididn’tbreathe.Mymouthopenedinasilentscream.

Igasped,ridingoutthewave.Evanrockedhishipsagainstmine,movingslowly

insideme,stretchingouttheorgasmwithoutdistractingmefromit.

Icouldtellhehaddonethismanytimes.Therewasnothingsexierthanamanthat

knewexactlywhathewasdoinginbed.Evanwasaseasonedveteran.

Whentheorgasmfadedenoughformetothinkclearlyagain,IlookedEvaninthe

eyes.Hispupilsweresodilated,hiseyeslookedlikeadarkevergreen.Heleaneddown

andkissedme,slowandsensual.Igotlostinthetasteofhim,thefeelofhismouthon

mine,hisbodypinningmetothebed,andhisthickcockstillinsideme,feelingsomuch

biggernowthatIwastightafterorgasming.

Slowly,Evanpulledbackuntilheslippedoutofme.Igasped.

Hesatbackonhisknees.

“Turnaround,”hesaid.

Hehelpedmeturnaround.Mybodywasnumb,theorgasmstillquiveringjust

beneaththeskin.

IstoodonallfoursinfrontofEvan,myasspointedtowardhim.Iwiggledmyhips

sothatmyassmovedfromsidetoside.

“God,you’resexy,”hesaid,puttinghishandsonmyass,massagingthecheeks.

“Yourassispureperfection.”

Ismiled.Istillfeltalittleloopywiththewineinmysystem.Iwasn’tself-conscious

atall.Buttheadrenalinecounteredthealcohol,andIwasfarfromdrunk.

Evanfoundmyentrancewithhisfingers,andIgaspedashepushedafingerinto

me.

“Sowet,”hesaid.

“It’swhatyoudotome,”Isaid.

Hechuckled,andhisfingerwasreplacedbyhiscock–thicker,rounder,smoother.

Hepushedintome,pushingeverythoughtoutofmymindexceptthatofcompletebliss,

andImoaned.Evanslidinandoutofmewithslowstrokes.Fromthisangle,hefeltso

muchbigger.OrmaybeIwasjustthatmuchtighterafterorgasmingasecondtime.Either

way,hegavemeamomenttoadjust.

Generousofhim.

Itdidn’tlastverylong.Evanpickeduphispaceonlymomentslaterandstarted

poundingintomeagain.Hehammeredagainstmycervicalwallagainandagain,

rearrangingmyinsides.Icriedoutwitheverythrust.Hishandswereonmyhips,fingers

diggingintomyskin,andherockedbackandforth,hisballsslappingagainstmyclit.

Iwasstillsensitiveafterhe’deatenmeout,andtheconstantslappingwasawildly

eroticsensation,makingmegaspandmoanandinchclosertoyetanotherorgasm.

Howmanytimescouldthismanmakemecome?Usually,Icameonce.Twiceifthe

guyknewwhathewasdoing,butthatdidn’thappenveryoften.Youngguysjustdidn’t

havethestaminaortheskillthatEvanhad.He’dbeenaroundforlonger,anditshowed.

Therewasnothingasdeliciousasamanwhoknewexactlyhowtowieldhiscock.

Evanleanedforwardandreachedaround,grabbingmybreastsinbothhandsand

usingthemtoholdmeinplaceashekeptrockingagainstme.Igasped.Hepinchedmy

nippleslightly,andIyelpedwiththesensationbeforeheplacedonehandonthebed

besideme.Heheldhimselfup,fuckingmewithslowerstrokesnow,whilehisotherhand

foundmyclit.

Icriedoutwhenhestartedrubbingmeintightcircles.

Evanpushedmeovertheedgeagain,rubbingfuriouslyashepumpedintome

harderandharderagain.

“Comeforme,princess,”hegrowledinmyear,andittippedmeovertheedge.

Icameathirdtime,anditrockedthroughmybodywithanintensityI’dneverfelt

before.Evancriedoutinmyearashereleasedinsideme,shovinghimselfintomeasdeep

ashecould,plantinghisseed.Hepulsatedandjerkedinsideme,hisbodyshuddering

againstmineasweorgasmedtogether.Imilkedhim,anditfeltlikehecameforages.

Finally,myorgasmdieddown.Ihungmyhead,barelyabletokeepmyselfup.Evan

slidoutofme,andwecollapsedonthebedtogether.

“Thatwasfuckingamazing,”Evansaid,breathinghard.

Inodded.IthadeasilybeenthebestsexI’dhad.Evanknewwhathewasdoing,and

I’dorgasmedthreetimes.Thealcoholhadmademeabletoletgo,butitwasalsobecause

itwasthemanI’dbeenfantasizingaboutforsolong.

Apparently,dreamsdidcometrue.Evenraunchyones.

“Ihavetogo,”Isaidafterwelaysidebysideonthebedforawhile.Ididn’tdo

cuddling.Ididn’tstayover.

EvanwatchedmeasIgotoffthebedandwalkedtothebathroomtocleanup.The

bathroomwasjustasmassiveandluxuriousastherestofthehouse.WhenIwasdone,I

locatedmyunderwearnexttothebed,puttingthemonasIfoundthem.Iputonmyshoes,

too.

Evangrinnedatme,walkingaroundtheroominmyunderwearandwedges.

“Pictureperfect,”hesaid.

IwalkedtothebedwhereEvanlayinallhisnakedglory,hisdickflaccidnow,

satisfiedandtame.IkissedEvanonthelips,achastekiss.

“Callmetomorrow,”Isaid.“I’llfindmyclothes,andletmyselfout.”

Henodded,andIlefttheroomtofindmydress.

ChapterSix

Evan

IwasgladitwasFriday.ItwasdifficulttoworkwithScarlettonmymindthewhole

time,andIhadbeenthinkingabouthersincewe’dslepttogether.Everythingabout

Scarlettwashot.NowthatI’dhadatasteofher,Icouldn’tgetenough.Iwantedtofuck

heragain.

Howmanytimeswouldittaketogetherpregnant?Apartofmehopedthatitwould

takelongsowecouldkeeponfucking.God,havingheronherkneesinfrontofmehad

beensomethingoutofawetdream.Evenifitneverhappenedagain,itwouldbeenough

tofuelmyfantasiesforalongtime.

ButitwasgoingtohappenagainbecauseIwaspayinghertocarrymybaby.We

hadtokeepgoinguntilshewaspregnant.Andthenmaybe,still,afterthat.

ButIwasgettingaheadofmyself.Scarlettwasjustanotherwoman.Ihadto

rememberthat.Ofcourse,shewouldalsobethemotherofmychild,butthatwasa

differentstory.Iclosedmyeyes,andimagesofthenightbeforeflashedinmymind.Her

titswerefuckingamazing,andherasswasworthkillingfor.Icouldn’trememberthelast

timeI’dseenabodylikehers.Maybeitwasn’tjustaboutherbody.Maybeperfection

didn’texist.Butthiswasdamnclose.

Icheckedthetimeandsighed.Thedaywasonlyhalfover,andIcouldn’tleavethe

officeuntilItookcareofsomecontacts.Ihadtotryandfocus.

Iglancedatmyphone.Shehadn’ttriedtocallmeallday,butshehadaskedmeto

callher,soIguessedthatwaswhy.Ilikeditbetterthatway.IcouldcallherwhenIhad

timeforher,nottheotherwayaround.Thiswasabusinesstransactionafterall.Shewas

nothingotherthanthattome.

Myphonerang,andIhadtotakecareofabusinesscall.Itdistractedmeforalittle

while,andforthat,Iwasgrateful.WhenIwasdone,mymindwanderedbacktoScarlett.

Ipickedupthephoneanddialedhernumber.ThephoneranglongenoughthatI

thoughtitwouldrollovertovoicemail.Whensheanswered,shesoundedoutofbreath.

“Sorry,”shesaid.

“Yousoundoutofbreath.”

“Ihadtorunformyphone,”shesaid.

Webothhesitated,andtherewassilenceontheline.Iswallowed.

“Howareyou?”Iasked.

“I’mdoingwell,thankyou,”shesaid.

Inodded.Iwashappywithheranswer.Icouldhearthatshereallywasdoingokay.

Ineededhertobeokaywiththissothatshewouldfollowthroughwithit.Ididn’twant

hertopulloutnow.Ididn’twanttofindsomeoneelse,andifshewasalreadypregnant,it

wouldbedisastrousifshechangedhermindnow.

“You’restillsureaboutthis?”Iasked.Ihadtoputitoutthere.

“Yeah,I’min,”shesaid.Shehadn’thesitatedatall.Thatwasgoodenoughforme.I

trustedthatshewouldtellmeifsomethingwaswrong.

“So,doyouthinkyou’repregnantyet?”Ichuckled.

“Lookatyou,alleager,”shesaid.“Butno,Idon’tthinkso.We’lljusthavetodoit

again.”

Therewaslaughterinhervoice,andIknewwewereonthesamepage.Iclosedmy

eyesandimaginedwhatshelookedlike,herpoutinglips,herbeautifulsmile.Iflashedon

theimageofherfacewithhermoutharoundmycock,andherdarkbrowneyeslooking

upatme.

Andshewantedtodoitagain

“Whatareyoudoingtonight?”Iasked.

“I’mgoingoutwithLily,”shesaid.“I’malittlenervousaboutit,tobehonest.”

“Why?Becauseweslepttogether?”

“Yeah,it’salittleweirdbecauseyou’reherfather.”

Iunderstoodwhereshewascomingfrom.“WhatLilydoesn’tknowwon’thurt

her,”Isaid.“Justgoout,relax,andenjoyyourself.”

“Yeah,you’reright.I’lltry.We’regoingtoLavo.”

Iknewthenightclubwell.ItwasapopularjointinManhattanwheretheyoung

peoplelikedtoparty.

“Haveagoodtime,”Isaid.“I’llspeaktoyoulater.”

Weendedtheconversation,andIputdownthephone.ItwasapityIcouldn’tsee

hertonight.Ireallywantedto.Iwantedtoseeherdressedupanddancing,herbody

movingtothemusic,herhairbrushingoverhershoulders,herhipsswaying.Icouldjust

imagineit,andIimaginedittobehot.Veryhot.EverythingaboutScarlettwasfucking

attractive.

Icouldjustimaginehowmenwouldreacttoher.Ifmyreactionwaswhatitwas,I

doubtedsomeoneelsewouldfeellessabouther.Theideamademeuncomfortable.ButI

didn’townher,andshecoulddowhatevershewanted.Exceptsleepwithsomeone.She

wasn’tonbirthcontrol,butherexclusivitytomewasinhercontract,andIknewshe

wouldn’tbreachit.

Still,Ireallywantedtoseeher.

IpickedupthephoneagainandcalledJeff.

JeffandIhadbeenfriendsforaverylongtime.We’dmetataconventionearlyon

inmycareer,andsomehow,westayedintouch.Wehadverylittleincommonbesides

moneyandwomen,butthatwasenoughtotieustogether.Ofcourse,Ihadneverreally

beenasmuchofawomanizerasJeffwas.IfIthoughtItreatedwomanlikeapieceofass,

Jeffdiditalltentimesworse.Ifuckedaroundplenty,butJeffputmetoshame.

“Evan,goodtohearfromyou,”Jeffsaidwhenheansweredthephone.

“Whatareyoudoingtonight?”Iasked.

“Nothingyet.Iwaswaitingforyoutocallme.”

“Don’tpullyourtricksonme,”Isaid,laughing.“Saveyourliesforthegirlsyou’re

tryingtogetinbedwithyou.”

Jefflaughed.“NothinglikeanoldfriendtoremindmethatIcanbetransparent.

Whatdidyouhaveinmindfortonight?”

“Howaboutanightclub?IheardLavoisreallygreat.”

“Well,lookatyou,lettingdownyourhair,youoldfart,”Jeffsaid.“IgotoLavoall

thetime.”

“So,you’rein?”

“Forsure.Anythingtopickupsomepussy.”

Jeffwastheperfectwingman.Wehadthesameoutlookwhenitcametowomen.He

lovedwomenbecausehecouldfuckthem.Anewwomaneverynightwasasuccessful

weektohim.Ididn’tlikefuckingaroundthatmuch–evenIhadlimits–butwhenIwasin

themoodforacasualfling,Jeffknewjustwheretogo.

Withhimatmyside,IcouldseeScarletttonightwithoutitbeingweird.

ShewasgoingwithLily,butmaybeifIcouldseeher,touchher,anddancewith

her,Icouldconvincehertocomehomewithme.

WasIgoingouttostalkher?No.Iwasjustgoingtowatchher.Iwasgoingtoenjoy

herfromadistance.Andifshegotsomeothermaleattention,well,Iwouldmakesure

thatshewassafe.ItwastheleastIcoulddo.MaybeIwasbeingoverprotective,butIhad

agoodreasontokeepaneyeonthefuturemotherofmychild.

Jeffcametomyplacebeforewewentout.Heworejeansandacollaredshirtthat

wastuckedin.He’dshaven,andhiscolognewassostrong,Iwassureitwouldclingto

myshirt.Jefflookedneat,buthelookedlikeanolderguy.Thetypical,tuckedinshirt

routinejustdidn’tworkanymore.Didit?

“Howdoyougetwomendressinglikethat?”Iasked.

“Well,excuseme,Mr.GQ,”Jeffsaid.“Womenlovethisshit,man.Thedaddygame

isalltheragenow.Theyjustlovecallingme‘Daddy’whenwefuck.Ifthat’swhatthey

want,”hetuggedathiscollar,“thenwhoamItodenyit?”

“Andiftheywantsomethingelse?”Iasked.

“Thentheygetsomethingelse.Idon’tgiveashit,aslongasIgettofucksomeone.”

Right.Ipoureduseachawhiskeyatthebar.Jeffleanedonthebarwithboth

elbows,watchingmepour.IthadbeensomuchbetterwithScarletthangingonmybar.Of

course,thathadbeenbecauseofhowthenighthadgone,becauseI’dgottenhernaked.

Nexttime,Iwasgoingtofuckherontopofthebar.Thatwasagreatidea.Icould

justimagineher,nakedandgaspingonthecoolbartop.

“So,whyanightclub?”Jeffasked.

Ishrugged.“Ifeellikegettingout,tonight,”Isaid.

Islidhisdrinktohim,andJefftookitandsippedtheamberliquid.Ididthesame.

Hennessy–therewerefewthingsinlifeasgoodasasmoothwhiskey.

Ididn’tusuallygotonightclubs.Theywerealwaysfilledwithpeoplewhoeither

wantedtogetwastedorgetlaid.Thelatter,Iwasmorethanwillingtoprovide,butthey

wereusuallysodrunk,theycouldn’tcontrolthemselves,andtheywereallsodamnyoung.

Scarlettwasyoung,too,ofcourse.Butthatwasdifferent.

“I’mgettinglaidtonight,”Jeffsaid,rubbinghishandstogether.“Lavohassomany

girlstochoosefrom,youwon’tknowwhichonetostickyourdickinfirst.”Jeffgulped

downhalfhisdrinklikeitwaswater.Noappreciationforthefinerthings.Whichwaswhy

hewaswillingtofuckanythingwithtitsandtwolegs.

“Weshouldgetyousomeone,too,”hesaid.“Whenwasthelasttimeyougotdown

anddirtywithalady?”

Ichuckled.“Lastnight,actually.”

“Shit,”Jeffsaid.“Really?You’reoneuponme,then.”

Ishookmyhead.“Idoubtit.What’syournumberbynow?”

“God,Evan,Ilosttrackofthatdecadesago.”

Helaughed.Ilaughed,too,drinkingmore.Iglancedatthetime.Iwantedtoget

going,butitwastooearly.Overeager?Nah.Whattimewouldthegirlsarrive?

“Tellmeabouther,”Jeffsaid.

“Who?”

“Thepussyyougotlastnight.”

Oh.Right.

“Youknowhowitis,”Isaid.“You’vefuckedone,you’vefuckedthemall.

Nothing’sspecialabouther,otherthanthefactthatshewasagoodfuckandwillingtoput

out.”

Jeffnodded,impressed.“That’sallyouneed,bud.Theydon’tneedtohavemore

thanthat.”

Scarlettwasmorethanthat,butIwasn’tgoingtogointodetailwithJeff.Ididn’t

wanthisfilthymindalloverher,andhewouldgetwaytoosuckedupinthedetailsifI

toldhimanythingelse.Onceapervert,alwaysapervert.Jefffuckedanythingthatwas

legalageandupward.Hehadnoshame,andiftherewasonepersonIdidn’twanthim

near,itwasScarlett.

Itwasn’tbecauseofjealousyoranything.Iwasjustwatchingoutforthewoman

thatagreedtocarrymychild.Thiswasaboutthebabyandthewomanthatwasgoingto

carryit.

“Let’sgetgoing,”Jeffsaid.“Mydickisitchingforsomelove.”

Weleftmyplaceandgotintoacab,headingtowardLavowhere,hopefully,Iwas

goingtoseeScarlett.

ChapterSeven

Scarlett

Ididn’tgooutveryoften.Togoout,youhadtohavemoney,andthatwasrunning

thinforme.ButLilyhadofferedtobuymeadrinkortwo,andIcouldalwaysgetafew

morefromwillingguys.Ofcourse,Iwasn’tgoingtoletitgetanyfurtherthanadrinkand

somecasualflirting.

Forone,Iwasn’tonbirthcontrol.Icouldn’timaginehowbaditwouldbeifIended

uppregnantwithsomeoneelse’schildafterEvanwaspayingmetogetpregnantwithhis.

Butmostly,itwasaboutEvanhimself.Afterlastnight,Ididn’twantsomeoneelse.I’d

gottenatasteofhisdick–literally–andIwantedmore.

Lavowasatwo-storyvenuewithItalianfoodservedattablesonthetopfloorand

liveDJs,bars,andahellofalotofgrindingonthedancefloordownstairs.Theenergyin

theroomwascontagious,andIfeltgood.Thecrowdmovedtothemusiclikeithada

pulse,andtheairwashotandhumid,thewayitgotwhentoomanybodieswerecrammed

upagainsteachother.

“Ineedalcohol,”Lilysaid,andIfollowedherthroughthethrongsofpeoplewhere

wehadtowrestleforaspaceatthebar.“Whatareyouhaving?”

Ishookmyhead.“JustaCokeforme,”Isaid.

Shenarrowedhereyesatme.“Why?”

“Ihaveaheadache,andalcoholwilljustmakeitworse.Icanpartysober.”

LilyraisedhereyebrowsatmebutorderedaCokeasI’dasked.Itwasn’tabouta

headache,ofcourse.Ifeltfine.IhadsuddenlyrealizedthatIwastryingtogetpregnant.

Alcoholwasn’tgoingtohelpthatalong,andifafterlastnightIwasalreadyintheprocess

ofconception,itwasbetternottodrinknow.

LilypaidforthedrinksandhandedmemyCoke.

“Prude,”sheteased.

“Responsible,”Icountered.

Lilyrolledhereyes.“Imissthedayswedidn’thavetobe.”

Inodded.“Yeah,buttheadultlifelooksgoodonus,”Isaid.“Welookhot.”

Lilylaughed.“That’sbecauseofwhatwe’rewearing,notbecausewe’reanygood

atrunningourlives.”

Shewasright,too.Shelookedfantasticinanelectricbluedressthatmadehergreen

eyespop.Iworeablackdressthatwassotightitlookedpaintedon,anditmademefeel

sexy,tuckinginallthebitsthatfeltexcessive.LilyhadtoldmethatIdidn’thaveany,but

we’dagreedtodisagree.

Ifeltgoodinheels,too.Itmademyasslookgreat,andmyasswasalreadymybest

asset.Lastnight,Evanhadtoldmesohimself.Helovedmyass.Ididn’tblamehim.I

lovedmyass.

“Let’sgodance,”Lilysaid.

Inodded,andweheadedontothedancefloor,movingthroughthewrithingbodies.

Wemovedtothemusic,andIletmyselfgo,lettingthemusicflowthroughme.Wewere

onthedancefloorforawhile,andIfinishedmycoke.Lilywasstillsippingherdrink–a

viciouscocktailthatwasn’tgoingtobedoneanytimesoon.

“I’mgoingtogetwater,”Isaidtoher.“I’mdyingofthirst.”

Shenoddedanddanced.AguypressedhimselfupagainstLily,andshestarted

grindingagainsthim,movingherbodywithhisinasimulationofsex.Ipushedthrough

thecrowdstowardthebar,finallymanagedtogetoneofthebartender’sattention,and

askedforaglassofwater.

“Ihopeyou’reonlydrinkingwaterbecauseyou’repacingyourselfforalong

night,”agruffvoicesaidnexttome.

Iturned.JeffPowellstoodnexttome,lookinglikeablastfromthepast.I

recognizedhimonlybecauseI’dseenhimahandfuloftimeswhenI’dbeenoveratLily’s

andhe’dcometospeaktoEvan.Iwasn’tsureexactlywhathewastoEvan–afriend,an

associate,apartner–butIdidn’tliketheguy.Hewasn’tmucholderthanEvan,buthishair

wascompletelygray,sohelookedlikehehadatleasttenyearsonEvan.Heworejeans

withacollaredshirttuckedintoit,makinghimlooklikesomeone’sdadonteenpatrol

ratherthansomeonewhowasheretoparty.

Still,I’dheardtheguyhadatrackrecord,sohehadtohavesomethinggoingfor

him.

“I’mdrinkingwaterbecauseI’mthirsty,”Isaid.

Jefflookedmeupanddown,andIfelthisstarelikeaphysicaltouch.Ishivered.I

didn’tlikethewayhelookedatme,likehewastryingtofigureoutwhatwasbeneathmy

clothes.

“Well,ifyou’renotthatdrunk,you’llrememberitallafterward.”

Hegrinnedatme.Wasthathisattempttopickmeup?

Iturnedtowardthecrowd,butJeffslidhishanddownmyarm,holdingontomy

wrist.Ididn’twanthimtouchingme.

“Letmego,”Isaid.

“Comeon,honey,”hesaid.“Icanshowyouamuchbettertimethanthis.”

Helookedatmewithhungryeyes.TherewasnowayIwasgoingtosleepwiththis

guy.Sure,I’dsleptwithEvan,andJeffwasthesameage,buttherewassomethingabout

Evanthatwasattractiveasanolderman,andsomethingaboutJeffthatwascreepy.

“No,thankyou,”Isaid.

“Jeff,lethergo,”someonesaidbehindme,andwebothspunaroundtoseeEvan.

Relieffloodedthroughme.Hisfacewasserious.

“Don’tcockblockme,man,”Jeffsaid,butheletgoofmywrist,andIfoldedmy

armsovermychest.

“You’renotgoingtotakethisonehome,”Evansaidinavoicethattoldmehe

wasn’tmessingaround.Jeffmusthaveheardit,too,becausehepulledaface.

“Sincewhenareyousuchafuckinggrandpa?”heasked.

“YouknowScarlettForbes,”Evansaid.

Jeffblinked.“Who,now?

“Scarlett,”Evansaid,noddingtowardme.“You’vemether.”

Jeffshookhishead.“I’msureIwouldhaveremembered.”Helookedatmewith

eyesthatwerefullofsomethingIdidn’tlikeagain.

“Maybeyoudon’trememberbecauseyouhaven’tsleptwithher.Thosearetheonly

facesthatstayinyourdrunkenmemory.So,takeagoodlooknowandwalkaway,because

that’snotgoingtochange.”

Jefffrowned.“You’rearealdick,Evan,”hesaid,butheturnedaroundandwalked

away.IblinkedatEvan.Hewasbeingprotective.Itwassweet,butconfusing.

“Thanksforthat,”Isaid.

Evanshookhishead.“No,don’tthankme.Iapologizethatmyfriendwassorude

toyou.”

“Menwillbemen,”Isaid.

Evanshrugged.“IthoughtyouwerewithLily?”heasked.

Inodded.“Iam.”Ispottedherpushingherwaythroughthecrowdtowardus.“In

fact,hereshecomesnow.”

“Dad?”Lilyaskedwhenshereachedus.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”

Evanshrugged.InoticedhowhechangedaroundLily,becomingmoreofafather

figurethanthehandsomeguythathadsavedmefromajerkamomentago.

“Samethingyou’redoinghere,Iimagine,sweetheart.”

Lilypulledaface.“Well,that’sjustweird.I’mnotgoingtopartywithmydad.

Comeon,Scar.Let’sgo.”

Ishookmyhead.“Wedon’thavetoleave.Thisplaceisbigenoughforustodoour

ownthing,right?Besides,there’snothingwrongwithchatting.”

Lilygrabbedmyarmandpulledmetothesideenoughsothatthemusicblocked

whatweweresayingfromEvan.

“Youcan’tditchmeforhim,Scar.It’smydad.Atanightclub.Andyouwantto,

what?Talkaboutthejobthingagain?”

Ishrugged.IhadnothingtofallbackonbutthestoryEvanhadtoldherlastnight.

“No,”Lilysaid,determined.“We’renotstayinghere.”

Iwantedtopointoutthatshecouldn’ttellmewhattodo,butnotwithoutmakingit

looksuspicious.Andshewasright.Underanyothercircumstance,Iwouldhaveagreed

withmyfriendinsteadofhangingoutwithherdad.ThefactthatIhadfuckedhimwas

besidethepoint.

“Okay,Iwon’ttalktohimanymore.Let’sjuststay.”

Lilyshookherhead.“Iwanttogetoutofhere,Scar,”shesaid.“Whenwillweever

beoldenoughtopartywithmydad?”

Ihadtoagreewithher.TherewasonlyonereasonwhyIwantedtodothis,andI

couldn’ttellherwhatthatwas.Itwouldn’tbefairtoheranyway.So,Inoddedandsaid,

“Yeah,okay.Wecango.”

IhopedwecouldsaygoodbyetoEvan,butthatwasn’tgoingtohappen.Ihadto

settleforwavingathimaswewalkedpast.Ihopedhewouldunderstand,consideringthat

wewereinthistogether.

Wedidn’tgotoanothernightclub.Lilywassuddenlyoverit,andIhadtoadmit,so

wasI.Weendupgoingbacktoherapartment.Shewasthemanagerofacommunications

company,andherapartmentwasproofthatshehadclimbedthecorporateladderwhileI

hadtakentimetogetmyMaster’sdegree.Sometimes,Iwasjealousofhersuccess.She

didn’thaveanythingotherthanabachelor’sdegree,butherlifewasontrackandgoing

somewherefast.Ontheotherhand,Ihadputinanextrathreeyearsofstudy,andIhad

gottennowhere.

Ipushedthethoughtsaway.TherewasnousecryingaboutsomethingIcouldn’t

change.Besides,oncethepregnancywasdoneandEvanpaidmemymoney,Iwouldbe

richerthanIhadeverdreamedIcouldbe.Seventy-fivemilliondollarscouldputanyone’s

lifebackontrack.

Ofcourse,IwouldhavetoexplainhowIcamebythatmoney,butthatwasa

problemforlater.Rightnow,dreamingaboutthemoneywasplentytopullmethrough.

That,andfantasticsexwithaguyhadbeenfantasizingaboutforaverylongtime.

LilyandIlayinherbed,watchingamovie.Itwasachickflickwehaddecidedon

together,butIcouldn’tconcentrateonwhatwashappening.Evanwasonmymind,andI

flashedonthesexwe’dhadlastnight.TherewassomethingaboutEvanthatmadeshiver

everytimeIthoughtabouthim.Hewasconfidentandaccomplished,anditshowedinthe

bedroom.Iknewhe’dbeenwithmanywomen,butIhadbeenwithmorethanafewmen

myself,andthatdidn’tbotherme.Maybeitshouldhave,butEvanwasnomoretome

thanameanstoanend.

“Lily?”Iasked.

“Yeah?”

“Whyaren’tyoudatingrightnow?”Iasked,lookingather.

Shethoughtaboutitforamoment.“Becausemenarefullofshit.”

Inodded.“Makessense,”Isaid.“Doyouthinkyou’lleverfindsomeone?”

“Idon’tknow,”shesaid.“IfIdo,Iwon’tturnitdown,butI’mhappywithwhereI

aminmyliferightnow.”

Maybethatwasmyproblem.MaybeIfeltunfulfilledbecauseIfeltsolost.Maybe

ifIstartedacareeranditwentsomewhere,Iwouldn’tfeelthisway.Theonlyproblem

was,tostartacareer,Ineededsomeonetogivemeachance.

Thenagain,afterthisjobwithEvanandhisbaby,Iwouldn’tneedtoworkagainin

mylife.Iwouldhaveenoughmoneytoseemethrough.

WasthisthelifeIwasmeanttolead?

“Whyareyouasking?”Lilyasked.“Didyoumeetsomeone?”

Foramoment,Iwasn’tsurehowtoanswerher.WasIgoingtosayyes,butlieabout

who?OrwasIgoingtolieaboutallofit?

“Notreally,”Isaid,shrugging.Therewasnogoodwaytoanswer.Betternottosay

anythingthantoaccidentallyslipup.Fornow,Evanwasmysecret.Andwhatahotsecret

itwas.

ChapterEight

Evan

TherehadbeennoreasonformetostayatLavoafterScarlettleft.Ofcourse,Lily

hadrunamilewhenshe’dseenmethere.Whowantedtohangoutattheclubwiththeir

dad?Ithadbeenashame,though.

I’dhavelovedtohangbackandwatchthegirls.Scarletthadbeenfuckinghotin

thatlittleblackdressshe’dbeenwearing,withherslenderlegslookinglongerthanlong,

herelegantbodybalancedprecariouslyonthosehighheels,andhertitspushedupand

readyforviewing.

Andshehadthisthingshedidwithherhairwheresheflippeditoverhershoulder

whenevershebecameself-conscious.Itmademewanttoburymyhandsinherhairand

gripit,pullingbackherheadsothatIcouldkissher.Orfuckhermouth.

God,thatprettylittlemouth.

IthadbeenthemostbeautifulthingonGod’sgreenearthtoseehershootJeffdown

likethat.Theguywasaslimeball,butseeingScarlettrejecthimhadbeenanegoboost

thathadshotconfidenceallthewaydowntomydick.Shehadneverrejectedme.She

hadn’teventried.

Yes,therewasalotofmoneyinvolved,butsomehow,Idoubtedshewouldlookat

Jeffthewayshelookedatme,nomatterhowmuchmoneywasonthetable.

Butthenshe’dleft,andI’dstoodtherelikeanoversexed,overdressedidiot.I’d

lookedaroundandnoticedthatJeffhadbeenclosertobeing“hip”withhisshirttucked

in–guysweredoingthatagain,apparently–thanIhadbeenwithmyuntuckedshirtandmy

loafers.

Thepartyscenewasn’tmythinganymore,notthewayitusedtobe.Imuch

preferredgoingtoacocktailbarwhereIcouldcharmawomanwithmywords.Iwas

goodattalkingthemoutoftheirpants.Grindingagainstthemuntiltheywantedtogo

homewithmejustwasn’tmything.

JeffandIhadgoneourseparatewayslastnight,andI’dgonehome.I’donlybeen

thereforScarlett.Iwouldneverhavetoldherthat,though.Ididn’twanthertoknowthatI

wascheckinguponher.God,thatwouldmeanthatIwantedmorethanjustassfromher.

WhichIdid.Iwantedachildfromher.Butthisemotionalshit?Overrated.Ijust

wantedtobesureshedidn’tputawayalittledickonthesidewhenIwasn’tlooking.

Thathadbeenwhatitwas,forsure.

Igotoutofbedandtookashower.Istoodunderthehotspray,thinkingabout

Scarlett.Isoapedupmybody,runningmyhandsovermyself.Mycockwashardwithher

onmymind,andIranmyhandsupanddownmyshaftacoupleoftimes,cuppingmy

balls,whichwereheavyforher.Iwantedtoreleaseinsideofheragain.

God,therewasnothingbetterthanfuckingheruntilIcameinsideofher,pumping

myseedintoher,workingtogetherpregnant.

WhenIgotoutoftheshower,Ipickedupmyphoneanddialedhernumber.Itrang

forawhilebeforesheanswered.

“Hey,”shesaidinasoftvoice.

“Howareyoudoing?”Iasked.

“Ican’ttalknow,”Scarlettsaid.“I’mstillwithLily.Istayedoveratherplacelast

night.”

“Oh,right,”Isaid.

“I’llcallyoulater,whenIgethome,okay?”

“Okay,”Isaid,noddingeventhoughshecouldn’tseeme,andshehungup.

WithLilynotknowing,weweresneakingaroundliketeenagers.Itwasironic

becauseLilywasmydaughter.IwasoldenoughtodowhateverthefuckIwanted,andI

didn’toweheranexplanation.ButIdidn’tknowhowtotellherthatIwantedababy,and

Scarlettwasherbestfriend.Itwasclosesttotheworst-casescenariowhenitcameto

taboo.

Itwaseasiertokeepitfromherrightnow.Itwouldhavetocomeouteventually,of

course.OneScarlettwaspregnant,itwouldbehardtohideastimewenton,andthebaby

wouldn’texactlybesomethingIcouldhide.

ButIwouldcrossthatbridgewhenIgotthere.

Igotdressed,puttingonkhakipants,apoloshirt,andsneakers.Iloadedmygolf

clubsintothecaranddroveouttothecountryclub.

SiwanoyCountryClubwasoneofmanyinthearea.TheManhattaneliteliked

hangingaroundonthegolfcourse,actinglikehittingalittleballfromoneholetothenext,

onlytofollowitaround,wassomethingimportant.ButmydadhadbeenattheSiwanoy,

soIwasthere,too.

WhenIarrived,Jeff’scarwasalreadyparkedintheparkinglot.Igotoutandmade

mywaytotheclubhouse.withitsimmaculatefrontgarden,itscleaninterior,andtheairof

sophisticationthathungintheairwhenevertherichgatheredinoneplace.

JeffwasatthebardrinkingaBloodyMary.Iassumedthatwaswhatitwas.Jeffjust

wasn’tthetypetodrinktomatojuicewhentherewasn’tvodkainvolved.

Iwalkedovertohim.

“Jesus,Jeff,it’steninthemorning.Bitearlyforadrink,isn’tit?”

Jeffshrugged.“Areyouthefunpolicesuddenly?”heasked.

Iblinkedathim.

“First,you’recockblockingmeattheclub,andnow,you’retellingmeIcan’thave

mymorningfruitjuice?”

Ilaughed.Fruitjuice.

“You’rearealasshole,”Isaid.

Hegrinned.“Whatdoesthathavetodowithanything?”heasked.

Isatwithhimuntilhefinishedhisdrink,nottakingthelibertytoorderonefor

myself.Weheadedouttothecourse.Iwasn’tplanningonstayinglateandplayingall

eighteenholes.I’djustwantedtogetoutalittlebit.

“So,youwanttotellmewhatlastnightwasallabout?”Jeffasked,lininguphis

golfballandpracticinghisswingafewtimestotheside.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Iasked.

“Thatwomanyouweresoprotectiveover.Imean,she’sfuckinghot,soIgetyou,

butsincewhendon’tyoushare?”

Iwatchedhimpullbackandtaketheshotforrealthistime.Theballdidn’tgo

wherehe’dplanned.

“Fuck,”hesaid.

“She’safamilyfriend,”Isaid.“OneofLily’sfriends.”

“So?”Jeffasked.“Shecanstillbefucked.”

Iwassuddenlyirritated.Scarlettwasn’tjustsomewomanJeffcoulddrooloverfor

thenight.

“Therearesomanywomenoutthere,”Ipointedout.“IfIfeellikefucking,Ihave

anunlimitedselection.”

Jeffchuckled.“Gladyouseeitmyway.Butthere’snothingwrongwithgettinginto

thisone’spants,too.”

Ishookmyhead.“Itwasn’tlikethat.She’sbeenaskingmeforajob.”

Itwouldbegoodtosticktothesamestorywe’dtoldLily,incasewordgotout.

Consistencywasgood.

NotthatJeffwouldremembershitaboutthewomenhe’dbeenwithonceitwas

over.Heknewwhohe’dfuckedsohewouldneverdothesamegirltwice,butotherthan

that,allinformationwasirrelevant.

Ipositionedmyselfbehindtheballandliftedmyclub.Iswung,lettingtheclub

followthroughinanarc.Theballflewacrossthefairwayandlandedclosetothegreen.

“Fuckyou,man,”Jeffsaid.“You’vealwaysbeenbetteratthis.”

Wepackedourclubsandstartedwalking,followingthepathourballshadtaken.

Whatwasthefuckingpointofthisgameagain?

“Okay,soI’llgiveherajob,”Jeffsaidaswewalked.

Iglancedathim.“Whatnow?”

“Yousaidshewantedajob.Ineedanewsecretary.TheoneIhadleftbecauseI

wouldn’tfuckheragainorsomeshit.Somewomenaresoneedy.”

Ishookmyhead.“YouandIbothknowthat’snothappening.”

Jeffstoppedandfrownedatme.“Youherguardianorsomething?”heasked.“I’m

offeringtoemployher.That’swhatshewanted,right?”

Iclearedmythroat.“ShehasaMaster’sdegree.Thepositionwon’tsuither.You

gotanythingbetterthanthat?”

Iprayedhedidn’t.Jeffthoughtaboutit.

“Nah,”hesaid.“Idon’temploywomenforanythingbiggerthanasecretary,

anyway.Womenshouldn’tbeallowedintheworkplace.They’regoodforafewthings,

butbusinessisn’toneofthem.KnowwhatImean?”

Hegrinnedatme,andIchuckled,eventhoughthebastardwasn’tfunny.Now

wasn’tthetimetoquestionhissexism.IwantedhimtokeephispawsoffScarlett.I

wantedhimtogettheideaofheroutofhishead.

“You’reveryprotectiveofher,”Jeffsaidagain.

Ishookmyhead.“Shemeansalottomydaughter.”

Jeffnoddedslowly,andIdidn’tknowifheboughtit.

“So,didyougohomewithanyonelastnight?”Iasked.Asure-firewaytochange

thetopicwastoaskhimabouthimself.TheonlythingJefflovedmorethanpussywas

himself.Ifhecouldtalkaboutit,itmadehimhappy.

“Youknowit,”Jeffsaid,grinning.Wefoundhisball,andhepositionedhimself

again,glancinginthedirectionhewantedtogo.“There’snowayI’mgoinghomewithout

awomanwiththatmanyhoneysaround.”

Iwatchedhimswing.Itwasalittlebetterthistime,closertomine.

“Thisisbullshit,”Jeffsaid.“WhydoIletyoutalkmeintoplaying?Ihatethis

game.”

“So,youcantellmeaboutthewomenyoufuck,”Isaid.

Jeffgrinnedatme,andwewalkedtowardmyball.

“Youshouldhaveseenher,man.ShelookedlikeaPlayboyBunny.Ishouldhave

dressedherupasonebeforeIstrippedherdownagain.Buttherehadn’tbeentimefor

that,exactly.God,she’dbeeneager,bitingmyearlobesinthecab.”

ThatwasavisualIcouldhavedonewithout.Jeffwasarealpieceofwork.He

fuckedwomenataratethatevenIfoundexcessive,andthatwassayingsomething.Itwas

anewwomanalmosteverynightifhecouldmakeithappen.Which,mostofthetime,he

could.Hisnumberwasablur,anditwasamiraclehedidn’thaveabunchofkids

scatteredacrossNewYork.Ormaybehedid,andnoneofthewomenhadwantedto

contacthimagain.

Jeffwasalotofthings,butresponsibleandcaringdidn’tcomeclose.Hewasn’t

exactlyfathermaterial.He’dbeenmarriedtwicetowomenthathadstrippedhimbare

withoutanironcladpre-nup,andbothtimes,he’drebuilthimself.Otherthanthat,he

fuckedandfuckedsomemore.

Icouldn’tlivelikethat.Ididn’tknowhowhedidit,andIdidn’twanttoknow.

Iwasjustrelievedthatweweren’ttalkingaboutScarlettanymore.Ididn’twanthim

eventhinkingabouther.Protective?Yes.Iwasstartingtobe.ButIwaspayinggood

moneyforhertobemybaby’smother,andshewas,forallintentsandpurposes,mine.

Andnooneelsecouldplaywithwhatwasmine.

ChapterNine

Scarlett

I’dspentthedaywithLily,catchingup.I’dstayedover,andwe’dwatchedmovies

andtalkedaboutboys,doingwhatwe’dbeendoingsinceIcouldremember.Shewasmy

bestfriend,andIlikedhangingoutwithher.

Thistime,ithadbeenharder.We’dalwaystalkedaboutthemenwewereinterested

in,butIcouldn’ttellheraboutEvan.Hewasherdad,andweweregoingtohaveababy

together.Wewerefucking.Itwasn’tthekindofinformationyouspilledcasuallyover

pizzaandchickflicks.

Evanwantedmetokeepitawayfromherbecausehesaidthey’dtalkedaboutit

already.Itrustedhim–hewaspayingandthosewerehiswishes.

Once,longago,Lilyhadtoldmethatherdadwantedmorekids.Shehadbeenso

upset.She’dfeltlikehewastakingawaythelittleteamtheyhadbuiltsincehermother

haddied.Shewasupsetthathewouldlookatanotherwoman.Then,Ihadagreedwithher

–we’dbeenkids.Now,Iknewhehadtherighttoloveorlustanywayhewanted.ButI

wasinthemiddle,now,andifLilyfoundoutwassleepingwithherdad…

Thiswasauniquecaseineveryway.Ihatedhavingtolietoher.We’dneverdone

thattoeachother.Wealwaystoldeachothereverything.Iwasgoingagainstour

friendshipcodeorsomething.AndIfeltbadaboutit.Ididn’tknowhowtobreakittoher

withoutherhatingmeforever.

Besides,itwasn’tjustmysecrettotell.Evanwastheonethatwantedthebaby,that

waspayingthemoney,andthatsettheageonhisadforasurrogatemother.Ifithadn’t

beenme,itwouldhavebeensomeoneelsewhowasjustasyoung.Itwasjustcoincidence

thatwekneweachothersowell,butit’sasmallworld,right?

Smallandmessedup,apparently.

Itriednottothinkaboutittoomuch.

WhatIdidthinkaboutwasEvan.Hewasonmymindallthetime.He’dbeensohot

lastnightwhenhe’dgottenridofJeffforme.Therewassomethingamazingaboutbeing

protectedbyamanthatwantedtokeepyoualltohimself.

IknewitwasabouthowpureIwasrightnow,aboutthebaby.Hispossessive

behaviorhadbeennothingmorethanprotectingwhathepaidfor,butthatwasbesidethe

point.Iknewallthat,butitwasstilldamnhot.

Andthatturnedmeonjustthinkingaboutit.Therewasn’tamanhotterthanone

thatwantedyoualltohimself.AndIwantedhim,too.

I’dwantedhimlastnight,butIhadtosuppressitaroundLily.Icouldn’ttalktoher

aboutthiskindofthing.

ThismorningwhenIwokeup,Ihadsexonmymind.Iwashotandbotheredand

horny.Iwantedtobestrippednakedandfucked,andIwantedEvantobetheonetodoit.

Itwaspartofourdeal,anyway,butIwantedhim.

Iwantedhimbadly.

Iwasbackhomeinmyroomaroundlunchtime,runningmyhandsovermyown

body,picturinghimtouchingme.Iwantedhimtogropeme,feelme,andfingerme.I

wantedhimtolickme,suckme,andfuckme.

AndIwanteditassoonaspossible.So,Idecidedtogoandgetit.

Igotdressedinaskirtandtopthatwouldpulloffeasily,andIconvenientlyforgot

myunderwear.Ipulledacoatoveritandputonflatboots.Ifeltalittlebitlikeahooker,

gettingreadyforsex,hidingitunderacoatsotheworldwouldn’tknow,butwhenI

lookedinthemirror,Ilookednormal,likesomeonethatmightstepouttodosome

shoppingorgoforcasualdinnerwithafriend.

IdrovetoEvan’shouseandparkedinfrontofthemansion.Igotoutandwalkedto

thedoor,ringingthatinsanedoorbell.

Amomentlater,Evanopenedthedoor.

“Nobutlertoday,either?”Iasked.

“You’retheonlyonethatringsthatgodforsakenthing,”hesaid.“Ifigureditwould

bebettertogetthisonemyself.Besides,it’sSunday.IsendthemhomeearlyonSunday.”

Hiseyessliddownmybody,takingmein,andIshivered.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”heasked.

“Iwantyoutofuckme,”Isaid.Therewasnopointbeingcoyaboutit.

Evanraisedhiseyebrows,alittlesurprised.GoodtoknowIcouldstilldothatto

him.

“Comeinside,”hesaid.

Isteppedinthroughthedoor,andhecloseditbehindme.ThemomentIwasinside

andthedoorwasclosed,Evansteppedagainstme,pushingmebackwarduntilmybackhit

thewallnexttothedoor.Hepinnedmewithhiships,hisfacesoclosetomineIcouldsee

thesmallcreasesandwrinklesaroundhiseyes.

“You’reabadgirl,”hesaid.

“Very,”Ibreathed.“Icouldn’thelpit.”

Hepressedhislipsagainstmine.Hegyratedhiships,grindinghimselfagainstme.I

moanedagainsthislips.Hishandswereonmyhips,andIachedforhimtoputthemon

mybreasts.Hedidn’tandthatjustmademehornier.God,Iwantedhim.

“Touchme,”Iwhispered,breakingthekiss.

Wewerebothbreathinghardalready,ourchestsrisingandfalling.Iwasawareof

mybreasts,nakedunderneathmyshirt,nipplesrubbingupagainstthematerialofmyshirt

asIbreathed.

“Comewithme,”Evansaid,takingmyhand.Hedidn’thumormeandgiveme

whatIasked.

Heledmethroughhismansiontothebarwherewe’dhadwinetheotherday.I

didn’tneedalcoholtoloosenmeupthistime.

“Evan,”Istarted,buthecutmeoffwithanotherkiss,histonguepushingintomy

mouthandexploringme.ForamomentIwasrendereduseless,meltingintohim.When

hebrokethekiss,mybodywasonfire.Iwantedhim,andIwantedhimnow.

“Iwanttofuckyouonthebar,”Evansaid.

Heatcoursedthroughmybody.Ithadn’tbeenaquestion,andhedidn’tgiveme

timetorespondbeforehekissedmeagain.Heputhishandonmybreastandmassaged

me.

“You’renotwearingabra,”hesaidagainstmylips.

“Itmakesiteasiertogetnaked,”Isaid.

Evenmovedhishanddowntothebottomofmyskirt,pullingitupandslidinghis

fingersbetweenmylegs.

“You’renotwearingpanties,either,”hesaid,pushinghisfingerintomyslit.I

moaned.

“Andyou’realreadywet.”

Inodded.Iwaswet.Iwassoturnedon,IfeltlikeIcouldspontaneouslycombust.

“We’llhavetodosomethingaboutthis,”hesaid.Hereachedbehindmeandfound

theshortzipperfortheskirt.Howdidheknowhowitworked?Maybehewasanexpertin

removingwomen’sclothing.Theskirtfelltothefloor,andIstoodbeforehiminonlymy

bootsandmyshirt,mypussynaked.

Evankneeledbeforeme,pullingmeclosertohimwithhishandsaroundmylegs.I

gaspedashepressedhisfaceagainstmypussy,stickinghistongueoutandlickingme.I

widenedmystancetogivehimaccess,andheflickedhistongueovermyclit.

Ipushedmyfingersintohisshort,darkhair,tippedmyheadback,andmoaned.

Evanworkedmeoverforawhile,lickingmeandsuckingonme.Igaspedand

movedmyselfagainsthim.

Afterawhile,hegotupandkissedmeagain.Hegrabbedthehemofmyshirtand

pulleditovermyheadinoneswiftmovement,andsuddenly,Iwasnaked.

“You’restilldressed,”Isaid.Heworejeansandacollaredt-shirt–casualbutput

together.

“You’restillwearingyourboots,”hesaid.

Ibentdownandtookoffmyboots.Whentheywereoff,Iwascompletelynaked.

Evankissedmeagain.Ireachedforthehemofhisshirtandpulleditupthesame

wayhe’ddonewithme.Hehelpedme,andinnotimeatall,hewasnaked,too.

“Better?”heasked.

Inodded.“Much.”

“Getonthebar,”heordered.

Ididn’thesitate.Iusedthestooltohoistmyselfontothebar.Igaspedwhenmy

nakedbodyhitthecoldbartop.Evangotontothebar,too,andIlaidonback.Mybody

wascoveredingoosebumps,mynipplestightanderect.Iwasoutofbreath,waiting.

Evancrawledovermeandtookanippleintohismouth,suckingonme.Igaspedas

hesuckedandlickedtheonenipplebeforegoingtotheother.Hishandswereonmy

breasts,kneadingandmassaging.

Evanpushedmylegsopenwithonehandandpositionedhimselfbetweenthem.His

cockwasatmyentrance,andIgroaned.God,yes.I’dwantedthisforalmosttwenty-four

hoursnow.

Icriedoutwhenhepushedintome.Hefeltbigger,betterthanIremembered.

Evanstartedpumpinginandoutofmeimmediately.Icriedoutashefuckedme,

mybodyrockingonthebar,thesurfacehardbeneathme.Mybreastsswungbackand

forth,andEvanwatchedasithappened,hiseyeshungry,fulloflustandthekindof

adorationmengetwhentheylookatnakedbodies.

Itdidn’tverylongbeforehepushedmetomyfirstorgasm.Evanhadawayof

gettingmetoclimaxfast.Hewassogoodatwhathedid.Ormaybeitwasbecauseof

whatweweredoing–tryingtogetpregnantforahellofalotofmoney–orthefactthathe

wasLily’sdadandwhatweweredoingfellintheforbiddencategory.

Whateverthereason,theorgasmwashedoverme,andIcriedout,shiveringand

convulsing.Evandidn’tletupwhenIdid.Hefuckedmehard,poundingintomeasI

climaxed.

WhenIcamedownfrommyorgasm,Ibreathedhard,tryingtocatchmybreath.

Evansloweddownandthenstopped,pullingoutofme.Igaspedashedid.Iwasalready

tightandsensitive,andwewerejustgettingstarted.Evangotoffthebar.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iasked.

Hiscockwashardandslickwithmysex.Heheldouthishandtome.Ipushed

myselfupandlethimhelpmegetoffthebar.Heledmetothecouchinthecornerandsat

down.Ididn’tneedtobetoldwhathewanted.

Helookedupatmewiththosefiercegreeneyes,hisdickhardandready.I

clamberedontohislap,straddlinghim.Iloweredmyselfontohim,gaspingwhenhe

pushedintome.

“We’renotgoingtogetanyunexpectedvisitors,arewe?”Iasked.

Evanshookhishead.“Ilockedthedoor,andifanyonearrives,I’mnothere.”

Inoddedandkissedhim,movingslowlyupanddownhiscock.Hishandswereon

myhips,feelingmymotion.Icuppedhischeekandkissedhimdeeply.WhenIbrokethe

kiss,Iputmyhandsonhisshouldersandpickedupthepace,rockingmyhipsbackand

forth,ridinghiscock.Iwasinchargenow.

EvangroanedasIrodehim.Ifuckedhim,sittinginhislap.Mykneesrubbed

againstthesmoothleatherbeneathus.Hisdickpusheddeepintome,andIrubbedmyclit

againsthispubicbone,workingmyselfupinafrenzyatthesametimeIwasfuckinghim.

Theroomfilledwiththesoundsofoursex,thecreakingoftheleathercouchasI

rodehim,ourgaspsandgroansminglingtogether.Irubbedmyselfagainsthim,pushing

myselfcloserandclosertotheedgeofmysecondorgasm.

Mybodystartedjerkingastheorgasmcamecloser.Igaspedandcriedout,feeling

thepleasuretakeholdofme,slowlybecomingoverwhelming.Ibreatheddeeply,

whimpering.

Theorgasmstartedatmycore,clenchingmymusclesandtakingovermybodyalot

slowerthanthefirstonehad.Isqueezedmyeyesshutandgasped,pressingmyfaceinto

Evan’sneck,andIcameontopofhim,mybodycurledaroundhim.

Evanputhishandsonmyhips,holdingmeinplace,andstartedbuckinghiships

beneathme.HefuckedmewhileIwasparalyzedbypleasureontopofhim.Hiscock

hammeredintome,andIcriedoutashedrewoutmyorgasm.

“God,you’resogood,”EvangrowledinmyearasIburiedmyfaceagainsthis

shoulder.Iwasbreathinghard.

Hepattedmyhipwithhishand,urgingmetogetoffhim.Hespunmearoundso

thatIsatonthecouch,andhestoodbeforeme,naked,glistening,hard,andthrobbing.His

cockwasatfaceheight.Ididn’tknowifthiswaswhathewantedfromme,butItookhim

intomymouthandsuckedonhiscock.

Hetastedlikesex–oursex–andhewasbiggerthanIremembered.Heslidhisdick

inandoutofmymouth,counteringmymotionasImovedmyheadbackandforth.Iheld

mybreathwhenhehitmysoftpalate,andthistime,Ididn’tpullbackagain.Heslowly

slippedpastmygagspot,andhesliddownmythroat,thickandhard,blockingoffmyair.

“Fuck,”EvangroanedwhenItookhiminallthewaytothehilt.Hishandswerein

myhair,buthewasholdingontomemorethanguidingme.

Ipumpedmyheadbackandforth,pullingouteverycoupleofstrokestocatchmy

breathbeforeItookhiminagain.

“Ican’tholdbackifyoudothat,Scar,”hesaidandpulledoutofmymouth.

Ilookedupathim.Spitdribbleddownmychin,andIwipeditawaywithmyhand.

Evantooktwostepsawayfromme,hishandsonhiships,breathinghard.

“Justasecond,”hesaid.

Ismiled.Itwasacomplimentthatheneededtopullhimselftogether.Ileanedback

againstthecouch,keepingeyecontact,andranmyhandsovermybody.Icuppedmyown

breasts,massagingthem,rollingmynipplesbetweenmythumbsandforefingers.Evan’s

eyesweregluedtomybody,watchingwhatIwasdoing.

Islidmyhandsfartherdownmyabdomenandbetweenmylegs,caressingthe

insidesofmythighswithmylegswideopen.Ileftmyonehandonmythigh,andwiththe

other,Ipushedmyfingersintomyslit,runningthemupanddown,playingwithmyself,

spreadingmywetness.

IgaspedandmoanedwhenIfingeredmyclit.Iwasbothsensitiveandmajorly

turnedonaftertheorgasmsI’dalreadyhad,andIwantedmore.Iarchedmyback,moving

myfreehandbacktomybreast.Iplayedwithmyself,givingEvanashow,andhe

watchedmewithhislipsparted.Hiscockwasstraining,eagertogetbackinsideme.But

notyet.Iwasn’tdoneyet.

Anotherorgasmbuilt,anditcamerelativelyquickly.Iknewexactlywhattodoto

myselftopushmeovertheedgeinnotimeatall.Ishivered,mybodytremblinglightlyall

over.Irubbedmyclitfasterandfaster,cryingoutastheorgasmwashedoverme.Iclosed

mylegsandsqueezedmybreast,openingmymouthinasoundlesscryforamoment

beforeIbreathedhard.

Evanwalkedtowardmeasifhecouldn’tcontainhimselfanymore.Hegrabbedme

bythelegs,flippedmeoversothatIwasonmyknees,andheturnedmyasstohim.

Hedidn’thesitatetoplungeintome,andIcriedout.Hefuckedmehard,hiscock

poundingintome,pushingdeeperthanhe’devergone,andImoaned,thepleasureandthe

painmergingtogetherintoawaveofecstasythatpushedmeovertheedgeagain.Itwas

eitheracontinuationofmyorgasmoranewone,butithitmehardandfast,andI

screamed.

Evancamemomentslater.Hisdickjerkedinsideme,andheslammedinasdeepas

hewouldgo,fillingmeup.HegruntedasIcontinuedtogaspandcryout.Theorgasm

seemedtolastforever.

Finally,itsubsided,andwhenEvanpulledoutofme,Icollapsedonthecouch,

gaspingandheaving.Evansatdownnexttome,puttinghishandonme,andwesatin

silence,recovering.IthadbeenoneofthebestsexsessionsI’dhadinalongtime.

“Isthatwhatyouhadinmind?”Evanasked.

“Oh,yeah,”Isaid.I’dcomeheretogetfucked,butthishadexceededmy

expectations.

“Cometomeanytimeyouneed,princess,”hesaid.

Ismiled.Ilikeditwhenhecalledmeprincess.Itmademefeelbeautiful.Special.

“Ihavetofindmyclothes,”Isaid,lookingaroundforthem.Ihadtogetdressedand

gethome.

“Youcanstayforthenight,”Evansaid.

Ithoughtaboutit.Icouldstay,butIwasn’tsurewhatthatwouldmean.Wewere

stilljustdoingthisasabusinesstransaction.Evanwaspayingmetohavehischild,and

wewereactivelyworkingonthat.Itwasn’tsupposedtobeanythingmore.Iwasalready

startingtothinkabouthimwhenIwasn’twithhim,wantingtoseehim,andthatwas

dangerous.Womenalwaysgotattachedwithsex,andIcouldn’taffordthatifhewasjust

goingtowalkoutofmylifeagain.

“IthinkitwouldbebetterifIgohome,”Isaid.

Evannodded.Hedidn’tlookoffendedorletdownatall.Inodded,too,confirming

tomyselfthatthiswastherightchoice.Igotupandstartedsearchingformyclothes.

ChapterTen

Evan

Onemonthlater

ScarletandIhadbeenseeingeachotheronandoffforthepastmonth,and

everythingwasgoingaccordingtoplan.Wehadsex–crazygorillasex–wheneverwecould

seeeachother.Wedidn’tspendalotoftimetogetherwhenweren’tfucking,butthatwas

allright.

Iwantedanotherchild,andIwasdeterminedtomakethathappen.Andjudgingby

thewayScarlettwashappyformetofuckher,shewasjustasdeterminedasIwas.

Lilystilldidn’tknowwhatweweredoing.Therewasnoreasontotellher.Itwasn’t

likeScarlettandIdidanythingmorethanfuck,andtherewasnoreasontotellherabout

that.

Scarlettwasn’tpressingmeatalltospeaktoLily.Shestayedoutofmybusiness.

SheunderstoodthatthiswaswhatIpaidherfor,andshedidn’tgetinvolvedinanyother

way.

Iappreciatedthatalotmorethansheknew.

Inthemeantime,though,untilwefiguredeverythingout,wefucked.

Itwasabusytimeatworkforme.Ihadalottotakecareof,andsometimes,I

didn’tleavetheofficeuntilwellafterdark.ButScarlettwasalwaysavailablewhenI

wantedher.AndGod,Iwantedherbadly.Often.

Myphonerang,drawingmyattentionawayfromthepaperworkIwasreading

through,andScarlett’snameflashedonmyscreen.Ismiledandleanedbackinmychair.

Itwasdarkoutside,withmyofficebeingtheonlyonewithalightstillon.Everyone

else–includingSerena–hadgonehomefortheday.

“Ican’ttellyouhowwelcomethisdistractionis,”Isaid.

“Areyoustillatwork?”sheasked.

“Iam.Ihavepaperworktogothrough.It’sabitch.”Iwouldmuchratherhavebeen

home,fuckingScarlett,spendingthenightinallsortsofcompromisingpositions,instead

ofgoingthroughpropertyvalues.

“Iwon’tkeepyou,then,”shesaid.“I’mpregnant.”

“What?”Iasked.

“Yeah.Itookahomepregnancytesttonight.Irealizedthismorningthatit’sbeena

whilesincemylastperiod,soIcalculateditandfiguredIhadtocheck.”

Igrinned.Icouldn’tbelieveit.Pregnant!Thiswasfinallyhappening.

“Ijustwantedtoletyouknow,”shesaid.Shedidn’tsoundasecstaticasIfelt.

“Areyouokay?”Iasked.

“Yeah,it’sjustalottotakein.”

Icouldunderstandthat.Goingfromlivingarelaxedlife,toplanningtogetpregnant

insuchashorttime,hadtobejarring.I’dthoughtaboutitforalongtime,butScarletthad

steppedontothescene,andafewdayslater,weweregoingatit.

“I’llsetupagynecologistappointmentforyouwithDr.Monroe,”Isaid.

“Thankyou.”Scarlettsoundeddistant,switchedoff.Iwantedhertospeaktome,

butweweren’tthere.Ourrelationshipwasn’tlikethat,andrightthisminute,Iwishedit

was.

“I’llspeaktoyoutomorrow,”shesaid.

Weendedtheconversation,andIhungupthephone.Itookadeepbreath,tryingto

lettheinformationsinkin.Ababy.Ihopeditwasason.Ifitwasadaughter–itwasn’tlike

Icouldpickandchooseatthispoint–Iwouldloveherjustasmuch,butIdesperately

wantedason.

ImanagedtobookanultrasoundwithMonroeforScarlettonWednesday,thevery

nextday.Whenwewalkedintotheoffices,therewerepregnantmotherseverywhere,

lookingatus.Wewereanoddcouple–withhernearlyhalfmyage–butIdidn’tgiveashit

whattheythought.IknewwhatIwanted,andIknewwhatIwasherefor.Scarlettseemed

lessconfident.Shefidgetedwhilewewaited.

Iputmyhandonhers,butshegentlypulleditoutofmygrip.

“It’sgoingtobefine,”Isaid.

Shenodded,butIdidn’tbelievethatsheagreedwithme.

“Scarlett,”Monroesaid,smilingwhenwewalkedintotheoffice.“Howareyou

doing?”

“Okay,”Scarlettsaid.

Webothsatdown.Scarletthadherhandsinherlap

“WhatcanIdoforyou,today?”Monroeasked.

Scarlettclearedherthroat.“Ithinkpregnant.Itookahomepregnancytest,andit

waspositive.”

Dr.Monroesmiled.“That’sgreatnews,”shesaid.“Whydon’twehavealook?”

WemovedtothenextroomwhereScarlettgotundressedbehindascreenandput

onahospitalgown.Whenshesatonthechair,shewasvisiblynervous.

Monroesquirtedjellyonherstomachandusedthescanner,slidingitoverherlower

abdomen.

“Whenwasyourlastperiod?”sheaskedwhileshelookedatthescreen,movingthe

scannerbackandforth.Grayshapesappearedontheblackscreen.

Scarlettgaveheradate.

“Right,”shesaid.“Thatwouldmeanyou’reabouteightweeksalongorso,right?”

“Iguessyou’reright,”Scarlettsaid.“Iwasn’tpayingattention.Thingswerea

little…differentthanusual.”

Sheglancedatmewhenshesaidit.

“Herewego,”Monroesaid,focusingononespotandpointingatthescreen.“It’s

notmuchtolookatjustyet,buthere’stheplacenta,andthefetusisoverhere.”

Ilookedatthescreen.Icouldn’tseeanythingthatmeantsomethingtome,but

Scarlett’sfacehadchanged.Shelookedlikeshemightcry,butitwasn’tabadlook.More

likeawe.

Herdarkeyeswerebright.I’dneverseenherlookthisbeautiful.

“Well,that’sunexpected,”Dr.Monroesaid.

ScarlettandIbothlookedatthedoctor.Shewaslookingatthescreen,andScarlett’s

facewentpale.

“Doctor?”Scarlettasked.“Iseverythingokay?”

“There’snothingwrong,”shesaid.“Butthisisratherunusual.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Iasked.

ScarlettandIbothlookedatthescreen,butIcouldn’tfigureoutwhatwasonit.It

wasstilljustablurofgreyshapestome.

“Well,Idon’tknowhowtosaythis,soI’lljustcomerightoutwithit,”Dr.Monroe

said.“You’rehavingtriplets.”

Iblinkedather.“What?”

Dr.Monroesmiledatus,butScarlettlookedjustasshockedasIfelt.

Triplets?Wewerehavingthreebabies?

“Idon’tunderstand,”Scarlettsaid.“Thiscan’tbepossible.”

“It’sunusual,butnotimpossible,”Dr.Monroesaid.“Andconsideringthatyou

weren’tonanyfertilitytreatment,thisisallnaturalandveryspecial.”

Scarlettstillseemedunsure,butthenewswasstartingtosinkin.AndIwasecstatic.

I’dwantedanotherbabyforsolong.KnowingthatIwasgoingtohavethreewasan

absolutethrill.Yes,Ihadn’texpectedit,butwecouldmakethiswork.

We?IhadtorememberthatScarlettwouldn’tbeinmylifeforever.Shewasjust

heretocarrymybaby.Babies.Therealizationhitmeharderthanitshouldhave,andI

pusheditaway.

Scarlettgotdressed,andwelefttheoffice.

Wewalkedtothecartogether,andshewasquiet.Wegotinthecar,andIturnedto

her.

“Howdoyoufeel?”Iasked.

Scarlettshruggedwithoutsayinganything.

“What’swrong?”Iasked.

Scarlettshookherhead.“Nothingwrong,”shesaid.“Thisisjustalittle

overwhelming.”

Icouldseehowitwouldbe,butsomethingwasbotheringher,somethingshewasn’t

tellingme.Icouldn’tplaceit.Ididn’thaveanyclaimtoheroranyrighttoheremotions.

Shewasheretocarrymybaby,andthatwasjustwhatshewasdoing.Shewasfulfilling

hersideofthecontract.

“I’lltripleyourpay,”Isaid.

Scarlettblinkedatme.“Youdon’thavetodothat,”shesaid.

“ButIwantto.”ThiswasaboveandbeyondwhatIaskedforafterall.

Scarlettshookherhead.“Really,you’repayingenoughasitis.”

Shestilllookedlikesomethingwasupsettingher,andIdidn’tknowwhatitwas.I

wantedtobeabletohelpher,tomakeitgoaway,butIdidn’tknowwhattodo.Suddenly,

thelinebetweenuswasveryclear,andIdidn’tknowhowtocrossit.

Itoldthedrivertotakeustoherhouse.Idoubtedshewantedtocomehomewith

meafterthenewdevelopment.Thiswasalottohandleforthebothofus,andlikeshe

said,shestillhadtowraphermindaroundit.Ihopedthatwasallthatwasbotheringher,

butsomehow,Idoubtedit.

Wedrovetoherapartmentinsilence.Whenthecarparkedinfrontofher

apartment,Itookherhand,andshelookedatmewitheyesthatwereguardedandan

expressionIcouldn’tread.

“You’lltellmeifthere’ssomethingIcando?”Iasked.

“YouknowIwill,”shesaid.Iwasn’tsureifIknewthat.“Ijustneedsometime.”

Inoddedandletgoofherhand.TherewasnothingIcoulddoifshewouldn’tletme

in.Sheopenedthecardoorandgotoutwithouthelp.Ididn’tgetoutwithher.Igotthe

ideashewantedtobealone.Iwouldn’tintrude.

Iwatchedasshewalkedtoherapartment,disappearingfromsight.Thecarpulled

intotheroad,headingtomyplace.Thishadalltakenaverybigturntoday.Scarlettwas

right.Itwasalottotakein.Icouldn’timaginewhatitwouldbelikeforhertocarrya

baby–babies–thatwouldonlybelongtoherforaslongasshewaspregnant.

WasitaffectinghermorethanIrealized?Iwasstartingtowonderhowshewould

copewithallthis.I’donlythoughtabouthavingachild,aboutgettingsomeonetocarryit

forme,seeingashowIhadnointerestinhavingawife.Ihadn’toncethoughthowit

wouldbeforthewomanthathadtocarrythebaby.

Ididn’twantScarletttostrugglewiththis.Iwantedhertobehappy.Iwantedherto

lookbackatthisexperienceandseeitassomethingspecial.

WasIdoingthatforher?

IrealizedthatIcaredabouthowshefelt.Icaredaboutwhethershewashappy.I

caredaboutherasaperson.

Fuck.

WhenI’dstartedthisjourney,theideaofendlesssexandnoattachments,otherthan

thefutureresponsibilityofachild,hadbeenattractive.

Now,theideathatScarlettwouldn’tbemineafteritalldidn’tsittoowellwithme.

WhatifIwantedheraround?WhatifIwantedhertobepartofthispicture?Whatif

Iwantedhertobethemother–tostaythemother–ofthechildrenshewascarrying?

God,thishadneverbeentheidea.Thishadn’tbeenpartofitatall.

WhenScarletthadwalkedthroughthosedoorsforthefirstinterview,ithadbeena

surprise.Apleasantone,becauseI’dwantedtofuckherforalongtime,andnow,shewas

themotherofmychildren.Plural.

Butshewasbecomingalotmorethanthat.Ihadn’twantedsomeoneinmylife.

Womenwerenothingbutdrama,andIdidn’tneedthatinmylifewhenI’dbeen

independentandtakingcareofLilyonmyownforsolong.ButIfoundmyselffeeling

differentaboutScarlettbeinginmylife.

IwasstartingtofeelmoreforScarlettthanjustarousalanddesire.Iwasstartingto

wanttogivehermoreforwhatshewasdoingformethanjustmoney.

Iwasstartingtofallinlovewithher.

ChapterEleven

Scarlett

Ihadn’tknownalotofpregnantwomeninmylife,butwheneverthetopicarose,

thewomenwho’dbeenthroughittalkedaboutthejoyofhavingnewlifeinsideyou,of

knowingthatyouwerebringingalivingbeingintotheworld.Theytalkedaboutthe

miracleofyourchangingbody,ofthepregnantglow,andofhowbeautifulitallwas.

Morningsicknessandswollenfeetwereanafterthought.

Well,thebitchessugarcoatedit.Itwashellonhotwheels.

Icouldn’tstopvomiting.Theycalleditmorningsickness,butitwasevery-time-of-

the-daysickness,anditwasviolent.Googletoldmethatitonlyhappenedduringthefirst

trimester,followedbyalotofcommentsbypregnantwomenwhohadkeptthrowingup

untilthedaytheygavebirth

Nottomentionthesmells.God,Iwasgettingsickofmyheightenedsenseofsmell.

Ismelledeverything,anditwasn’tagoodthing.Icouldn’tstandmydeodorantanymore,I

couldn’tuseairfreshener,andIstruggledwiththesmellofmytrashcaninthekitchen.I’d

takentoleavingthecanoutsidemyfrontdoor.

WasitthatmuchworsenowthatIknewIwashavingtriplets?Googlesaidthat

morebabiesdidn’tmeanmoretrouble,butitsureashellfeltlikeit.Andeventhough

GooglingeverythingmademefeellikeIknewwhatwasgoingonwithmybody,Google

hadnothingtosayabouthowIcouldstopit.

Itwaspuretorture.

Iwashuggingthetoiletagainwhensomeoneknockedonmydoor.Ipulledmyself

upandlookedinthemirror.Myskinwaspasty,andmyhairclungtomysweatyface.I

blewmynose,splashedwateronmyface,andtriedtosmile.Ilookedlikeshit.MaybeI

couldjustignorewhoeverwashere,andtheywouldgoaway.

“Scar?”Lilycalledthroughmydoor.

Icouldn’tignoreher.Shewasmybestfriend.That,andsheknewmycarsoshe

knewIwashome.

“Coming,”Icalledout.Mythroathurtfromthrowingup.Iopenedthedoor,and

Lilystoodinfrontofme,lookingfresh.Shewasinherofficeattire–ablouseandsuit

pants,withherhairpulledback.Hersmiledfadedwhenshesawme.

“Areyouokay?”sheasked.

Inodded.“I’mfine,”Isaid.Ihuggedher.ShepulledbackwhenIletgoand

narrowedhereyesatme.

“I’veknownyoulongenoughtoknowthatyou’renotfinewhenyousayyouare.

Haveyoubeenthrowingupagain?”

Icouldn’tlietoher.Whatwouldonemorebe,tobehonest?Butshewouldsee

throughthislie.ItwastheonlyreasonIhadtotellthetruth,whichwassayingsomething

abouthowfarthishadgone,butthatwasanotherworryforanothertime.

“What’sgoingon,Scar?”Lilyasked.

“Ithinkit’sastomachbug.”

Lilyraisedhereyebrows.“Forthreeweeks?Nobuglaststhatlong.”

Ishrugged.“I’mgoingtomaketea.Hopefully,thatwillstaydown.Doyouwant

something?”

“No,thankyou,”Lilysaid,butshefollowedmetothekitchenwhereIputonthe

kettle.“Areyoupregnant?”

IfrozeandswallowedhardbeforeIturnedaround.

“Don’tberidiculous,”Isaid.“Howlonghavewebeenplayingthisgamewith

boys?IthinkIcanhandlemyselfbynow.”

Lilydidn’tlaughatmyattemptatajoke.Shit,shewasserious.

“YouknowthatI’llsupportyouifyouare,”Lilysaid.“I’mworriedaboutyou.You

keeptoyourselfsomuchnow,andyou’reneverthissick.Thislooksalotlikeababyto

me.”

Ishookmyheadandtookacupoutofthecabinetformyself.

“AreyousureIcan’tgetyouanything?Iboughtfruitteatheotherday.It’spretty

good.”

“Don’tchangethesubject,”Lilysaid.Iknewwhereshegotherseriousattitude

from.Evanwasjustlikethat–tothepoint.

Isighed.“I’llgogetitcheckedout,okay?I’llgotoadoctor,butIknowit’s

probablygoingtobeadigestivething.Oraparasite.”Likeababy.“I’llprobablyget

antibioticsorsomething.”

Lilynarrowedhereyesatme.“Youcan’tskipoutonit,”shesaid.

Ichuckled.“Yes,Mom.”

“Istillthinkyou’repregnant,”Lilysaid.

Ishookmyhead.“I’mprettysureIwouldknowifI’mpregnant,”Isaid.“You

know,periodsandeverything.”

“You’vebeenregular?”

ThankGod,she’daskeditright.I’dbeenveryregular.Iwashavingababy,soI

didn’thavemyperiod,too,butthatstillcountedasregular.Right?

“Yeah,nothingwrongwithmycycle.”Ipattedmyselfonthebackformy

diplomaticanswer.

Lilylookedatme,andIblinked,tryingnottolookasguiltyasIfelt.Iwasstill

lyingtoherinaway,andIhatedlyingtoLily.Shewasmybestfriend,andshedidn’t

deservethis.Shedidn’tdeserveanyofit–notmelyingtoherorsleepingwithherdador

carryinghersiblings.

“Istillthinksomething’sup,”Lilysaid.

Igroaned.“IsaidIwouldgotoadoctor,”Isaid.

“Imeanwithyoubeingdifferent.Ican’tputmyfingeronit,butIknowyou.And

thisisn’tyou.”

Mystomachturned.Shewasright,ofcourse.Itwasalltheliesandsneakingaround

thatdidit,butthereitwas.

“I’mgoing,”Lilysaid.

“That’sit?”Iasked.“That’sallyoucametosaytome?”

“Mylunchbreakisprettymuchover.IcametocheckonyoubecauseIfeellike

you’resofarawayIcan’treachyou.Iwasright,too,wasn’tI?”

Ididn’tanswerher.Ofcourse,shewasright.ThatwasLily,strongandconfident

andalmostalwaysright.

“I’lltalktoyoulater,”shesaidwhenIdidn’trespond.Sheleftmyapartment,seeing

herselfoutandclosingthedoorbehindher.Isanktothekitchenfloorwhenshewasgone.

Thiswasgettingharderandhardertohide.WhatwasIgoingtodowhenIwasstartingto

show?Andwiththreebabiesinsideme,thatwasgoingtobealotsoonerthanifIonly

carriedone.

Iwasintrouble.

Igotinbedandsleptfortherestoftheday.Iwassodamnedtired.Itwasathing,

apparently.Pregnantwomenweretiredallthetime.WhenIwokeup,itwasalmostdark,

andIfeltuncomfortableandrestless.Icouldn’tgetintoanythingonTV.Icouldn’trelax.

Lily’swordskeptgoingthroughmymind–areyoupregnant?Shewasn’tstupid.

IfEvandidn’ttalktohersoon,shewouldfigureitoutbyherself,andthenwe

wouldallbeinsomuchshit.Itwouldshatterourfriendship.

IhadtotalktoEvanaboutit.IcalledacabandmademywaytoEvan’shouse.On

theway,Itextedhim,tellinghimIwascoming.Ineededtotalktohim.Thiswasn’tabout

sexatall,buthe’dknownearlierthatIwasn’tokay.Hewouldwanttotalk,too.Hewas

justasgoodatreadingmeasLilywas.Apparently,itwasimpossiblehideanythingfrom

theBurkes.

Beingpregnantalsomademeemotional.Iwantedtocry.Everythingfelttoobigfor

me.Mystomachhurt,andIfeltuncomfortableinmyclothes.Theywerescratchyonmy

skin.

EvanopenedthedoorbeforeIhadachancetoannouncemyarrival.Heputhis

armsaroundmeandfoldedmeagainsthim.

“Areyouokay?”heasked.

Ishookmyhead.Iknewthatitwasn’tsuchabigdeal,butsuddenly,Ijustwasn’t

okayatall.

“Comeoninside,”Evansaid.“Tothekitchen.Imadefood.”

Ifollowedhimtothekitchen.Thewholehousehadaromanticfeeltoit.Thelights

werealldimmed,andmusicplayedfromsomewhere,somethingsoftandsoothing.This

wassodifferentfromalltheothertimesI’dcomehere,whenwe’dfuckedandI’dleft

rightafter.

Inthekitchen,candleswerelitontheshelves,andthewhitetileswithstainlesssteel

appliancesandgranitecountertopssomehowlookedsoftandinviting.Isatdownona

stoolatthebreakfastbar.Evanbroughtaplatterwithdifferentkindsofcrackersand

cheese.

“Thislooksgreat,”Isaid.Itwaslight,notafullmeal,notadinner.Itwasjustwhat

Ineeded.

“What’sbotheringyou?”Evanaskedafterwe’deateninsilenceforawhile.

“Lily,”Isaid.“Wehavetotalktoher.Shewasatmyplaceearlier,andshesuspects

thatsomething’sup.”

“Whatdidyousaytoher?”Evanasked.

“Thatit’sprobablyabugorsomething.”

Evannodded.“Yeah,that’snotgoingtolast.”

IsighedandtookanotherbiteofaSaltine.Thecheeseprovedtobetoorichformy

tenderstomach,soIstucktojusthavingthecrackers.Mystomachturned,andIpaused.

“Areyouokay?”Evanasked.

Ishookmyhead.Thefoodwasgoingtomakeareappearance.Ijumpedupandran

totheguesttoiletthatwasoppositethefrontentrance.Imadeittothetoiletjustintime

andthrewupeverythingI’djusteaten.

Evancameafterme.

“No,stayaway,”Isaid,myvoicestrainedlikeitwasbeingsqueezedthrougha

tube.“Thereisnothingattractiveaboutthis.”

“Ididthistoyou,”Evansaid.“TheleastIcandoisholdbackyourhair.”

Whichheproceededtodo.Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeamanhaddonethat

forme,ifanymaneverhad.Iretchedandheaveduntilmystomachwasemptierthanit’d

everbeen.Finally,itwasdone,andIsatbackonmyheels,feelinglikeI’dbeenhitbya

bus.

ThefrontdoorclickedopenatthesametimeasIflushedthetoiletandstoodup,

andLilywalkedin.

ShefrozewhenshesawmeandEvanbothcomeoutoftheguesttoilet.

“What’sgoingonhere?”sheasked.Shelookedaroundandtookinthelighting,my

flushedface,Evan’sguiltylook.Shenarrowedhereyes.

“Isithis?”sheasked.

Ifelttheblooddrainfrommyface.

“Lily.”Ididn’tknowwhattosay.

“Itis,isn’tit?!”Lilywasstartingtofreakout.“Ican’tbelieveit!Iknewyouwere

lyingtome,butmydad?Dad!”SheturnedtoEvan.“Youcouldn’tsticktotherestofthe

girlsinManhattan.Youhadtostartpickingfrommyfriends?Ithinkofgoingtobesick.

Youmakemesick!”

“It’snotasbadasitlooks,sweetheart,”Evansaid,hishandsupindefense.

“Oh,italmostcan’tbe,canit,Daddy?”

Evanshookhishead.“Really,thisisn’twhatyouthink.”

“Comeon,cutthecrap.Bothofyou.Youthinkthisisfine,fuckingeachother

behindmybackandIwouldn’tcare?Mydadispervertedfreakandmybestfriendisright

intherewithhim.I’msickofbeingliedto,bytheonlytwopeoplethatareimportantto

me?Thisisbullshit.”

Sheturnedaroundtoleave.

“Lily,”Icalledafterher.Shespunaroundatthedoor.

“Don’tyoudare,Scar.Youcouldhavesaidnotohim,youknow?Youshouldhave.

Idon’twanttoseeyouagain.Youtwowanttorideoffintothesunsettogether,bemy

guestbutI’mnotholdingyourhandthroughthis.Fuckyou,Scar.”

She’dneverswornatmeandithurtlikeabitch.I’dmessedup.I’dknownitfora

whilebutthesinkingfeelinginmystomachmademewanttovomitagain.LosingLily

hurtmorethananyofsexhadfeltgood.Withoutanotherword,sheleftthehouse,

slammingthecolossaldoorbehindher.Thewholemansionseemedtoechowiththebang,

andwewereleftbehindinaroomthatfeltlikealltheairhadbeensuckedoutofit.

Itwasn’teventhewakeofherdestructionthatwewereexperiencing,itwasthe

wakeofours.

ChapterTwelve

Evan

Ifuckedup.Lilywasgone,angry.Wehadn’tevengottenaroundtotalkingabout

howweweregoingtodealwithtellingher,andnow,she’dfigureditoutallbyherself.I’d

alwayssaidLilywastoofuckingsmartforherowngood.

Butthiswasmyfault.Ishouldhavetoldherwhatwasgoingon.Ishouldprobably

havetoldherwhatI’dbeenplanningforsolong–letherintotheideaofhavingababy

withasurrogate.

Instead,I’dlostmydaughter.

ScarlettandIwalkedbacktothekitchen.NeitherofustouchedthefoodI’d

prepared.Ihadnoappetite,andaftershe’dthrownupeverythingthatshe’deatensince

lastyear,itseemed,shedidn’tlooklikeshecouldstomachanythingelse.Thiswasbrutal.

Ihadheardofmorningsickness,butseeingitfirsthandwassomethingelse.Icouldn’t

evenrememberifClarahadhadthesamewhenshe’dbeenpregnantwithLily.

Ithadbeensolongago.

Ihadblownoutallthecandles,andScarletthadswitchedonthelights.The

romanceoftheeveninghadbeendrownedoutbyLily’sexplosion.

“I’mgoingtotryheragain,”Scarlettsaid.Shehadherphoneinherhand.She’d

trieddialingLilysincethemomentshe’dleft,butLilywasn’tanswering.

I’dtriedafewtimes,too,butIknewmydaughter.Ifshewaspissedabout

something,shehadtocalmdownbeforeshewantedtotalkaboutanything.AndIhada

feelingthatthiswouldtakeahellofalongtimetocalmdownabout.

“Weshouldn’thavedonethis,”Scarlettsaid.“Thiswassuchabigmistake.I

shouldn’thaveliedtoher.”

“Hey,baby,relax,”Isaid.

ScarlettlookedatmewithbigeyeswhenIcalledher“‘baby.”

“Idon’tknowhowwegothere,”shesaid.“Everythingseemedlikeitwasfine.And

thensuddenly,itwasn’t.”

Inodded.Iknewwhatshemeant.

“Weshouldgoafterher,”Isaidafterawhile.“Weshouldgofindherandspeakto

her.Thebothofus.”

“Together?”Scarlettasked.

Inodded.“Yeah.Wehavetofixthis.Wecan’tjustleaveit.”

Ihadn’tseenLilythisupsetinalongtime.Lilywasreasonableandopenminded

aboutalotofthings–shewaswillingtokeepalltheanglesinmind.Loyaltywasimportant

toher,andthatwaswherewe’dwrongedher.

“Idon’tthinkweshouldgoafterhertogether,”Scarlettsaid.

“Whynot?We’reinthistogether.Weshouldspeaktoheraboutittogether.And

comeclean,too.”

Scarlettnodded.“Iagreewehavetobehonestwithher.Allthiswasbecausewe

weren’tbeinghonestinthefirstplace.Butwecan’tdoittogether.Ifweseehertogether,

itwilllooklikewe’reteaminguponher,andshe’lljustbemoredefensive.”

Shewasright.Iwasn’ttheonlypersonthatknewLilywell.

“Ishouldbetheonetogoseeher,then,”Isaid.“I’mherdad,andthisismyfault.”

Iwasn’tsureifshewouldwanttoseeme.MaybeitwouldbebetterifScarlett,her

bestfriend,wenttoseeher.

“She’smadatbothofus,”Scarlettsaidasifshehadreadmymind.“Idon’tthink

she’llwanttoseeeitherofus.”

“We’llhavetotry,”Isaid.

Wecouldn’tjustleaveit.Lilymightstoptalkingtome.Ihadneverwantedmore

kidsattheexpenseofmyfirstchild.Iwantedherherebymyside–byourside–happyfor

usandexcitedaboutwhatwashappening.Ishouldhavedrawnherinbefore,ofcourse.I

hadn’twantedhertotellmeshethoughtitwasabadidea.

I’dwantedittobemydecisionandminealone.

“Youdon’tthinkweshouldgivehertime?”Scarlettasked.“Justtocooldown.”

Ishookmyhead.“Idon’twanthertothinkthatwedon’tcareabouthowshefeels.

Thisisabigdeal.IthinkIshouldgoafterhernow.”

Scarlettnodded.“Okay,”shesaid.“DoyoumindifIwaitforyouhere?Justuntil

yougetback.”

Ishookmyheadandkissedherontheforehead.“Notatall.Staythenightifyou

wantto.”

Ididn’twaitforananswertothat.ThelasttimeI’dsuggestedit,she’drefused.I’d

gottenthefeelingthatScarlettguardedherfeelingsjustascarefullyasIdid.Butwewere

inthistogethernow,andI’dcaughtfeelingsforherlikeitwassomekindofdisease.I

wantedhertostaywithme.

IleftthehouseandgotintheSUVinthegarage.Ibarelydroveit–Ihadmy

chauffeurtodrivemearound–buttonightwaspersonalbusiness,andIdidn’twanttowake

mydriver.

WhenIarrivedatLily’sapartment,herlightswereon,andhercarwasparked

outside.Shewashome.

Iwalkedtoherdoorandknockedonit.

“Lily?”Icalled.

“Goaway,”shesaidthroughthedoor.

“Comeon,honey.Pleaseletmein.”

“No,Dad,”shesaidagain.“Idon’twanttotalktoyou.Youbetrayedmytrust.”

IunderstooditcompletelybecausethiswaswhatI’dtaughther.“Don’tletanyone

betrayyouandgetawaywithit,”I’dalwayssaid.“Becarefulwhoyoubelievein.”

AndI’dbeentheonetodothattoher.I’dbeenthepersonI’dwarnedherabout.

SomedadIwas.HereIwas,allexcitedabouthavingmorechildrenwhenIcouldn’teven

fixarelationshipwiththeoneIalreadyhad.

Brilliant.

IstayedoutsideherdooranotherhalfanhourbeforeIfinallygaveupanddrove

backhome.Iwouldhavetowaituntilshecalmeddownenough,untilshedecidedshe

wantedtotalktome.Scarlettwaswaitingformeathome.IhadatleastonepersonIcould

gotoandmakesurethatshewasokay.

WhenIarrivedhome,Scarlettsatonthecouchinthefamilyroom,looking

distraught.

“Shewon’tspeaktome,”Isaid.

Scarlettlookedupatme.“Yeah,she’llneedsometime,Ithink,”shesaid.Shestood

up.“Ifyoudon’tmind,Evan,I’mgoingtoheadhome.Wetried.”

“You’rejustgivingup?”Iasked.

Scarlettshookherhead.“No,butIthinkit’sfairtocallitfortonight.I’mexhausted.

Ican’tdealwithmorethanthis.It’salreadybeenalongday.So,I’mgoingtogohome,go

tobed,andtomorrowwillbeanewday.”

“Okay,”Ifinallysaid.Icouldn’tmakeherstay.“I’lltalktoyoutomorrow.Getsome

rest.Besafe.”

Scarlettnodded.“Tomorrowisanewday,”shesaid.

Iwalkedhertothefrontdoor.Whensheleft,Iturnedaroundandsighed,closing

thedoor.Everythingwashugemessnow.Lilywouldn’tspeaktome,andScarlettstill

onlysawmeasthemanthatpaidhertobepregnant,notasthemanwhocaredforher.

Iwasabouttobethefatherofthreenewbabies.Itwassupposedtobeahappytime.

Instead,Ifeltmorealonethanever.Thiswasnothowtodayshouldhaveended.

ChapterThirteen

Scarlett

IgaveLilytwodaystocalmdown.Iwouldhavegivenhermore,butIwasstarting

topanicaboutourfriendship.Ineededtosortitoutwithher.Lilywasmybestfriend,

oftenmyonlyrealfriend.

WhenIstoppedinfrontofherapartment,Iwasnervous.Whatifshedecidedto

rejectmethewayshe’drejectedEvan?Whatifshewouldn’tevenletmeintothe

apartment?Iknewthatshewasangry,andshehadeveryrighttobe.ButIneededtosort

thisoutwithher.Ineededmyfriend.

Iwalkedtoherfrontdoor,tookadeepbreath,andknocked.Mystomachtwisted

tighter,andforamoment,IthoughtImightthrowupagain.Butthiswasjustnerves.Not

morningsickness.

Lilyopenedthedooramomentlater.Whenshesawme,shehesitated.Isawher

considerifsheshouldshutmeout.

“You’renotgoingtoleavethisalone,areyou?”sheasked

Ishookmyhead.“Please,Lil,Ijustwanttotalk.”

Lilysighed.“Okay,then.”Shesteppedtothesideandletmeintoherapartment.

ThiswasalreadymorethanIhadhopedfor.

“So,whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?”Lilyasked.

“Youknowwhat,”Isaid.

“Oh,thefactthatyousleptwithmydadandbetrayedme.”

Iletoutadeepbreath.“Comeon,Lil,don’tbelikethis.”

“Howdoyouwantmetobe?Youliedtome.Anditwasn’tjustanylie.Itwasa

reallybigthing.Pregnant?Andmydadisthefather?Howcouldyoudothistome?”

“You’reright,”Isaid.“Thereisnoexcuse.Ishouldhavespokentoyou.”

“You’redamnrightyoushouldhave,”Lilysaid.Shewashostile.Shedidn’tevenlet

mespeak.

“Justhearmeout,”Ibegged.“Iknowthisseemsweird.”

“Youthink?”Lilyasked,andshechuckledsarcastically.

Itookadeepbreathandblewitoutslowly.

“Look,thisallstartedwithanadonCraigslist.Someoneneededasurrogatemother,

andIneededthemoney.YouknowhowdesperateIwas.”

Lilyfrownedatme,butshedidn’tinterrupt.

“So,whenIgotthere,itwasyourdad.”

“Whatdoyoumean,itwasmydad?”Lilyasked.

Isighed.Thiswasgoingtobehuge.“Hewastheonethatwantedtohireasurrogate

mother.”

Lilyshookherhead.“Thisisimpossible,”shesaid.“Whywouldhewantmore

children?”

“That’ssomethingIcan’tanswer,”Isaid.

Lilykeptshakingherhead.Shewashavingtroublebelievingthis.Ididn’tblame

her.

“Hewantedtotalktoyouaboutittheothernight,”Isaid.

Lilynodded.“Ididn’twanttoseehisface.Iwouldn’tlethimin.”

“Totallyunderstandable.”

Lilysighed.“Idon’tknowwhattodo.Ifeelbetrayed.Andsoangry.Idon’twantto

everspeaktoeitherofyouagain.But…He’smydad.Ican’tjustpushhimaway.And

you?You’remybestfriend.HowamIsupposedtopushbothofyouawayandnotfeela

bigholeinmylife?”

Shesankdownontothecouchnexttome.Wesatinsilenceforamoment.

“Iknow,Lil,”Isaid.“Iamsosorry.Foreverything.Ishouldhavespokentoyou

aboutitfromstart,butIfeltlikeitwasEvan’ssecrettotell.AndIunderstandwhyhe

didn’tspeaktoyou.”

Lilyshookherheadagain.Itwaslikeshewastryingtorearrangeherthoughts

manually.Shelookedatme,andhergreeneyeswerepiercing.Theyremindedmeso

muchofEvan’seyes.

“Doyoulovehim?”

Herquestionhitmelikeatruck.DidIlovehim?Lovehadneverbeenpartofthe

equation.Itwasn’twhathewaspayingmefor.ButnowthatIthoughtaboutit,Ididfeel

moreforhimthanIwaswillingtoletmyselfadmit.

“Iguess,Ido.Yeah,Idolovehim.Butit’snotthatsimple.”

“Whynot?”Lilyasked.

“Becausehe’spayingmealotofmoneytohavethisbaby,”Isaid.“Lovewasnever

partofthedeal.I’mnotgoingtomakeitdifficultforhimbytellinghimhowIfeel.”

Icouldn’tknowwhatLilywasthinking.Herfacewasunreadable,andshedidn’t

saymuch.

“Allofthisissoweird,”shesaid.

Inodded.Itwasweird.IwastellingmybestfriendIwaspregnantwithherdad’s

child.Children.Ihadn’ttoldherthatpartyet.Iwastakenabackbyherquestionof

whetherIlovedEvan.Ihadn’tthoughtaboutituntilnow.Intheend,itdidn’tmatter.

“Thisisabouttogetweirder,”Isaid.

Lilyeyedme.

“I’mnotonlypregnant,butI’mhavingtriplets.”

Iwatchedtheinformationsinkin.Lilyblinkedatme.

“Triplets?”

Inodded.“Iwenttothegynecologistformyfirstultrasoundjustbeforeyoucame

overtotheapartmentonWednesday.Itwasabitofashocktome,too.ButEvanseemed

ecstatic.He’ssoexcitedaboutallofthis.”

“Idon’tunderstand,”Lilysaid.“He’snevermentionedthathewantedmore

childrentome.Idon’tknowwhereallthisiscomingfrom.”

Evanshouldhavecommunicatedwithheralongtimeago.Itwouldhavemadeall

thissomucheasier.ButEvanwasaman,andcommunicationwasnottheirstrongsuit.

“You’reright,though,”Lilysaid.“Itdidgetweirder.You’repregnantwithwhat

willbemybrothersandsisters.”

Inodded,lookingatmyhands.“Thisisreallyhardforme,Lil,”Isaid.“I’vemissed

havingyoutotalktoaboutthis.IknowIshouldhavesaidsomethingsooner.Please,don’t

stoptalkingtome.I’mstilltryingtowrapmyheadaroundthis.Ireallyneedmybest

friend.”

Lilyclosedhereyesandtookadeepbreath,blowingitoutveryslowly.“Thisisso

muchtotakein.”

“Iunderstandthat,”Isaid.“Andifyoudon’twantanythingtodowithit,I’ll

understandthat,too.I’dhateit,butI’llunderstand.”

Lilyshookherhead.Whenshelookedatme,hergreeneyeswerebrightlikeshe

wantedtocry,buthervoicewassteadywhenshespoke.

“YouknowI’llalwaysbethereforyou.Evenifwefight,evenifyoudosomething

stupidlikegetpregnant.Withmyfather’schild.”Sheshivered.“Thisisgoingtotake

somegettingusedto.”

“Ihavetoadmit,”Isaid.“I’mterrifiednow.Onebabywasscaryenough,andnow,

therearethree?Idon’tknowhowI’mgoingtogetthroughthis.I’monlyeightweeks

along.Therearestillsevenmonthsleft,andthisisonlythebeginning.”

Lilyfrowned.“Idon’tunderstand,”shesaid.“Whatwastheplan,here?Wereyou

goingtoleavehimwiththechildrenandthenwalkoutofhislifeagain?”

Ishrugged.“Thatwasthecontract,”Isaid.

“Thecontract,huh?”Lilyasked.

Inodded.ThemoreIthoughtaboutit,theworseitsounded.Ithadbeenallabout

themoneyatfirst,butIhadn’tbeenpregnantthen.NowthatI’dseenmybabiesonthe

monitor,itwasawholedifferentstory.Ididn’tknowhowIwouldbeabletojustwalk

away.Evenifhedidtripletheamount,thesewerestillmybabies,too.

“Everythingisdifferentnow,”Isaid.“WhenIsignedit,Ihadn’tknownthatIwould

feelaboutitthewayIdonow.Butwehaveanagreement.I’mnotgoingtomakethis

harderthanitneedstobe.Iwon’texpectsomethingfromhimthatwedidn’tagreeon.”

Lilyshookherheadagain.Sheseemedtobedoingthatalottoday.Itwasalotto

workthrough.

“Istilldon’tbelieveyoucouldhaveagreedtosomethinglikethis.”

“Ihitrockbottom,Lil.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodo.Icouldn’tgetajob,billswere

pilingup,theprospectofsomuchmoneywonmeover.”

Lilyblinked.“Howmuchwashewillingtopay?”

Iclearedmythroatandtoldher.

Hereyeswidened.“Whatthehell?That’senoughmoneytobuyasmallcountry.”

Ilaughed,anditwasarelieftoletitout.Thetensionwassohigh,itfeltgoodto

breakit.

“So,youseetheappeal.”

Lilyshookherhead.“Idon’tknowifIwouldhavecarriedsomeone’sbabyforthat

money,butIseethatyouweredesperate.Iwishyouwouldhavecometome.”

IhadbeentooproudtoaskLilyforhelp.Shehadbeensosuccessful,whenIhad

madeapointofittostudyfurther,andthenthatbackfiredonme.

“It’sjusthardwhenIcompareourlives,”Isaid.

Lilysighed.“Iunderstand,”shesaid.“Youstillshouldhavespokentome.Ifnot

aboutyourfinancialsituation,atleastaboutthefactthatyouwerethinkingofhaving

someoneelse’sbaby.I’mnotevengoingtogointothefactthatitwasmydad.”

ShewasstillveryupsetwithEvan.Icouldn’tblameher.

“Willyoutalktohim?”Iasked.

Lilyshookherhead.“WhyshouldI?Hehasn’tbotheredtellingmeanything.Not

thathewantedmorechildren,notthathewasthinkingofgettingasurrogatemother

insteadofawife,notthathehadgonethroughwithitwithmybestfriend.Hedoesn’t

deservemespeakingtohim.”

ItupsetmethatLilydidnotwanttospeaktoEvan.Iguesseditwasunderstandable.

Iknewthatitwouldbreakhisheart,butwehadbroughtthisuponourselves.Atleast,Lily

andIwereokay.GodknewIwouldneedmyfriendinthemonthstocome.

LilyandIspentmoretimetogether,talkingabouteverything.WhenIfinallyleft,

wewereokayagain.Atleast,halfofthemesswasclearedup.LilyandIwereinagood

placeagain.IwasgladIhadmyfriendbymysidetohelpgothroughallthis.WithLily

andEvanrootingforme,IfeltlikeIhadthesupportIneededtogetthroughthemost

difficultthingIhadeverdone.

ImademywaytoEvan’shouse.Ineededtospeaktohimabouthowitwentwith

Lily.Hehadbeenworriedthatwe’dlosther.HewouldbegladthatatleastherandIhad

sortedthingsout.

“So,she’snotgoingtospeaktome?”heaskedafterItoldhimeverything.

Ishookmyhead.“Shestillupset,”Isaid.“Youcan’tblameher.”

“No,Ican’t,”Evansaid.“Butthatdoesn’tstopmefrombeingupsetaboutit,too.

She’smydaughter.Ican’tstandthatshedoesnotwanttoseeme.”

Icouldn’timaginehowhardithadtobeforhim.

Evanputhishandonmyknee.“Atleast,thetwoofyouarefriendsagain,”hesaid.

Itwassweetofhimtoseethesilverlining,eventhoughhissidewasnottakencare

ofyet.Evanleanedtowardme,andIdidn’tmoveaway.Hepressedhislipsagainstmine,

anditwasthefirsttimethathekissedmewithoutanysexualpretext.Ikissedhimback.

WhenIhadtoldLillythatIlovedhim,Ihadbeenhonest.Iknewthatthiswasnotgoing

toworkout,butIcouldn’thelpfeelinghowIdid,andEvankissingme,justforthesake

ofkissingme,meantsomuchmorethanhewouldeverknow.

ChapterFourteen

Scarlett

WhenEvanbrokethekiss,helookedatme,andhiseyesweredrowningdeep.

“Ihavetoconfesssomething,”hesaid.

Iswallowed.Whatwashegoingtosay?Amyriadofthoughtsranthroughmyhead.

Wasthereanotherwoman?Thatcouldn’tbe.

“Iloveyou,”Evansaid.

Iblinkedathim.“What?”

IhadcometotermswiththefactthatEvanwouldn’teverloveme.Iwasherefor

thepregnancyonly.

“Youheardme,”hesaid.“Iknowthiswasnotpartofthebargain.ButIcan’thelp

howIfeelaboutyou.You’rehavingmychildren,Scar.Iwantyoutostayapartofmy

life.”

“Whatareyousaying?”

Evancuppedmycheekswithbothhishands.“I’msaying,Iloveyou,Scarlett.I

wantyoutostayinmylifeafterthebabiesareborn.Ifthat’swhatyouwant,ofcourse.”

“Ithoughtthiswasjustatransactiontoyou,”Isaid.

Evannodded.“Itstartedoutthatway,”hesaid.“Butthenitchanged.Inever

expectedtofallinlovewithyou,butthereitis.”

Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Iwasconsumedbyarushofemotionsthatwassomuch

strongerthanIwasusedto.MaybeitwasbecauseIwaspregnant,andallmyemotions

wereheightened.OrmaybeitwasbecauseIfeltthesameway.

“Iloveyou,too,Evan.”

Iwatchedhimtakeintheinformation.Helookedsurprised,andasmilespread

acrosshisface.

“Yeah?”

Igiggled,nodding.“Yeah,”Isaid.

Evangrabbedmyfaceandkissedmeagain.Thistimeitwaspassionate,urgent.I

knewwhathewanted,andIwouldgiveittohim.Thistime,ithadnothingtodowiththe

contractbetweenus,andeverythingtodowithhowwefeltabouteachother.

Hekissedme,hard.Ilethimpullmeagainsthim.Iputmyarmsaroundhisneck,

andheheldmeaswekissed.Histonguepushedbetweenmylips,andImeltedagainst

him.Kissinghimwasstillthebestthing.Andthistime,hekissedmelikehemeantevery

wordhesaidtome.Thiswasnotjustaboutsexanymore.Hewantedmetostayinhislife

afterthebabieswereborn.Iwouldn’thavetowalkawayanymore.WhenIsetouttodo

this,moneyhadbeenmymotivation.Now,Iwaslookingforwardtoafuturewithchildren

IhadneverplannedonhavingandthemanIneverthoughtIwouldlove.

Thekissingbecamemoreurgent,andEvanslidhishandsontomybreasts,cupping

themandmassagingthem.Herubbedhisthumbbackandforthovermynipple,andI

shivered,gettingturnedon.Iwantedhim.

Evanbrokethekissandstoodup,holdinghishandouttome.Itookitandlethim

leadmedownthehallthatledtothemainbedroom.Ihadbecomeusedtobeinginhis

house,tohavinghimleadmetohisbed,butthistime,itwasdifferent.

Thistime,hewasleadingmeintohislife,andIwasheretostay.

Evankissedmeagainwhenwewereintheroom,andhestartedundressingme,

pullingmyshirtovermyhead.Ireachedforhispants,undoingthebuckleandunzipping

him.HishandsroamedmybodywhileIpushedmyhandsintohispants,grippedhis

alreadyhardcock,andpulleditoutofhispants.Imovedmyhandupanddownalonghis

shaft,pumpingitupanddown.

Evangroaned.“Slowdown,princess,”hesaid.“You’llmakemecomeinnotimeif

youdothat.”

Ismiledanddroppedtomyknees.“Wecan’thavethat,”Isaid.“Here,letmekissit

better.”

Iclosedmymoutharoundhiscock,takinghimin.Iwouldnevergetusedtohis

size,Idecided.Ipumpedmyheadupanddownhiscock,slidinghiminandoutofhis

mouth,andhegroaned,strokingmyhair.Itwaslovingandcaringthistime,notaswildas

before.Itwasbeautiful.Iwasn’tsurewhichIpreferred.Perhapsboth.

Whenhe’dhadenough–Icouldtellwithhowhewasstartingtotwitchfromtimeto

timethathewasgettingdangerouslyclose–Iletgoofhimandstoodupagain.Ikissed

him.Evanreachedaroundmybackandunclaspedmybra,lettingitfalltothefloor,

joiningmyshirt.He’dpulledoffhisownshirt,andIranmyhandsoverhisabdomen,

pushingmyfingersintothesplashofchesthaironhispectorals.

“You’resohandsome,”Iwhispered.

Evangrinnedatme.“That’sthefirsttimeyou’vesaidanythingaboutmylooks,”he

said.

Iblinkedathim.Iguessedthatwastrue.“Ihadn’tfeltthelibertybefore.ButIfind

youimpossiblyattractive.”

Evankissedmeagain.Helaidmedownonthebedandundidmypants.Iliftedmy

hips,helpinghimundressme.Hepulleddownmyjeansandthonginonemotionand

threwitontothefloorbeforehecrawledoverme.Mythighsfellopenforhim.He

positionedhimselfatmyentrance,andIheldmybreathinanticipation.

Whenhepushedintome,Imoaned.Hesplitmeopen,hisdickslidingintomy

body,andIyieldedandstretchedtoaccommodatehim.Ifelttighter,smaller,nowthatI

waspregnant.Evanfeltmonstrousinsideme.

Asifheknew,hestartedmovinginandoutofmegently,withslowstrokes.Iclosed

myeyesandgavemyselfovertothefeeling.EverythingaboutEvanwasfantastic–from

thewayhewasinbedtothewayhehandledeverythingtodowiththepregnancy.Andthe

factthathelovedme.

Thatwasthemostfantasticofall.

Evan’sstrokespickedup,gettingfasterandmoreintense.Mymoansturnedinto

criesasherodeme,hammeringintome.Mybodyhadadjustedtohissizeagain,andI

waslostintheecstasythatfloodedmybody.

Iinchedcloserandclosertotheedge.Evan’scockdrovemewild,andIcriedoutas

theorgasmshockedthroughme,contractingallmymuscles.Icurledmybodyaround

Evan’s,grabbingontohisback,closingmylegsaroundhiswaist.HegroanedwhenIdid,

andIfelthimspasmandjerk,releasinginsideofme.

Hehadnevercomethisquicklybefore.Weusuallywentthroughsomanypositions,

andhewasalwaysatrooper,holdingouttotheveryend.Butthiswasdifferent.Maybeit

wasbecauseofhowclosewewere,becausewe’dconfessedourlovetoeachother.Maybe

ithadtodowiththeideathatweweregoingtobetogetherinthis,havingthechildrenand

raisingthemasacouple.

Maybeitwasbecauseforthefirsttimesincewe’dsetoutonthisendeavor,we

weren’tfucking.Weweremakinglove.

ChapterFifteen

Scarlett

Sevenmonthslater

I’dreadsomanystoriesaboutgivingbirthbythetimeitwasmyturn;myheadwas

fullofinformationthatdidn’thelpatall.Otherwomen’sstories,learningwhattheyhad

gonethrough,hadn’tpreparedmeatall.

Laborwasbrutal.Ienduredeighteenhoursofitbeforebabynumberonedecidedto

makeanappearance.Andletmetellyou,squeezingababyoutofyourladybitswasno

joke.Evenifthebabieswereslightlysmallerbecausetherewerethreeoftheminsideme.

Iwasonthebed,graspingsheetsandEvan’shand,mylegsopenwidewithdoctors

assistingingettingthechildrenout.Allsenseofembarrassmenthadlefttheroomalong

timeago.Ijustwantedthisoveranddonewith.

“Justonemorepush,”Monroesaid.Shehadbeengreatallthewaythrough,butat

thismoment,Ihatedher.Ididassheaskedandfeltthereliefofthefirstchildleavingmy

body.Amomentlater,thestrangledcryofanewbornfilledtheroom.Iliftedmyhead,

tryingtosee.

“We’rereadyforthesecondone,”Monroesaid.Igroaned.Thiswasn’tover,yet.

Iwentthroughtheprocessagain,pushingwhenMonroeaskedmeto,waitingwhen

shetoldmetotakeabreather.Itfeltlikeittookforever.Finally,babynumbertwowas

out.Iheardthecry,andthesoundtriggeredmymaternalinstinct.

“Onemoretime,honey,”Evansaidnexttome.Imusthavecutoffthecirculationto

hishandwithhowhardIwassqueezing,buthedidn’tcomplainonce.

Iwentthroughtheprocessathirdtime,andfinally,thebabieswereborn.Theytook

thechildrentothestationbehindDr.MonroetoweighandmeasurethemwhileDr.

Monroehelpedmetakecareoftheafterbirth.Whenitwasallover,shesmiled.

“Congratulations,youtwo,”shesaidwithabiggrin.“Twohealthybabygirls,anda

babyboy.”

Tearsstreameddownmycheeks.Icouldn’thelpit.Evanhuggedandkissedme,and

helookedlikehewasgoingtocry,too.Buthebitbacktheemotions.AmanlikeEvan

didn’tcry.AmanlikeEvanwasbiggerthananythingthatcamehisway.ButGod,hewas

damnclosetobreakingthatwalldownandbeingablubberingmess,justlikeme.

Theycleanedmeup,unhitchedmylegsfromthestirrupsthatheldthemopen,and

pulledablanketovermylegs.Theybroughtourbabiestous.Itwashardholdingallthree

ofthem.Evanheldthelittleboy.Amomentlater,Lilycamein.

Shelookedemotional,too.“Letmehelp,”shesaid.“Itlookslikeyouneedanextra

pairofarms.”

Ilaughedandnodded,handingheroneofthebabies.

“Oh,myGod,Scar,they’rebeautiful,”Lilysaid,lookingdownatthem.

Theyreallywerebeautiful.IlookedatEvanwhowasbeamingdownattheboyhe

washolding.Hehadwantedasonfromthestart,andnow,hisdreamhadcometrue.We

hadgottenthreetimeswhatwe’dbargainedforatfirst,butlookingatthemnow,ithadall

beenworthit–thedifficultpregnancybecauseofhowbigI’dbeen,howlittlespacehad

beenleftformyorgansafterthebabieshadtakenupallthespace,andthelaborI’dhadto

endure.

EverythinghadbeenworthitnowthatIlookedattheirperfectlittlefacesandtheir

delicate,perfectfingers.Ihadneverthoughtthatmotherhoodwouldbethis

overwhelming.TothinkthatI–we–hadcreatedthiswasalmostimpossible.

“Haveyouthoughtaboutnames?”Lilyaskedme.

IglancedatEvan.We’dspokenaboutit.

“Wewerethinkingofkeepingtheflowerstreakgoingthatyourmotherhadstarted,”

Isaid.“We’llnamethetwogirlsRoseandJasmin.”

Lilysmiled.Shehadn’tknownhermother–ClarahaddiedbeforeLilyhadbeenable

torememberher–butIknewitmeantsomethingtoher.

“Andtheboy?”sheaskedsoftly.

“Evan,Jr.,”Evansaidwithagrin.

Lilylaughed.“That’sperfect,”shesaid,lookingdownatthebabyinherarms.

“That’sbabyRose,”Isaidtoher,andshestrokedafingeralongthecheekofthe

sleepingbaby.

“Rose,”Lilysaid.“Ihavethreelittlesiblingsnow.”

EvangotupandputEvanJr.inoneofthebasinetsthenurseshadprovidedforthe

babies.

“We’regoingtobeagreatfamily,princess,”hesaid,kissingme.Inodded,smiling.

Weweredoingsowellnow.“WhichiswhyIwantyoutobeapermanentpartofit.”

Ifrownedathim.“IthoughtIwas?”

Evannodded.“Youare,but…”

Hekneelednexttothebed,andLilyandIgaspedatthesametime.

“WhenI’dstartedoutwiththisidea,Ididn’twantawife.Iwantedchildrenwithout

allthecomplicationsoffallinginlove,marrying,andsufferingheartacheagain.Ihadn’t

bargainedonyouwalkingthroughthatdoorthefirstday,butI’msogladitwasyou.

Scarlett,myprincess,motherofatleastseventy-fiveperfectofmychildren,willyoube

myqueen?Willyoumarryme?”

Iwascryingagain.

“Oh,myGod,Evan,”Isaidthroughmytears.“Yes.”

Heduginhispocketandproducedaring.He’dplannedthis.I’dthoughtitwasan

impulsething.Evanopenedtheboxandproducedaringwithadiamondbiggerthan

anythingI’dseenbefore.Iwasgettingusedtolivingalifeofluxuryandriches–I’dbeena

partofEvan’slifeforawhilenow–butIstillwasn’tusedtothismuchmoneyandbeing

showeredwiththismuchlove.Expensivelove.

Evantooktheringoutoftheboxandslippeditontomyfinger.Iheldupmyhand

andlookedatit.

Evanstoodupandkissedmeagain.

“Iwanttogetmarriedtoyouassoonasyou’reready.”

“Justletmegetridofthebabyweight,”Isaid,laughingandcryingallatthesame

time.

IwantedtolookthebestIcouldifIwasgoingtomarrythemanIhadfallenhead

overheelsfor.Ihadn’tgainedtoomuchweighttogetridof,butIwasalittleplumper

thanI’dbeen.

“Mylove,youlookbeautifuljustayouare,”Evansaidandkissedmeagain.Hesat

downonthechairhe’dvacatedandturnedhisattentionbacktothebabyhe’dputdown.I

lookedatLily.Shesatnexttome,holdingthebaby,beaming.

“Congratulations,Scar,”shesaidandleaneddowntohugme.Thetwobabiesmade

smallsoundswhentheywereclosetoeachother,andwebothlookedatthemandsmiled.

“Ican’tbelieveyou’remystepmom,”Lilysaid.

Ilaughed.Itwasweird.Iwasherage,andwe’dbeenfriendsforalmosttwo

decades.

“Awickedstepmother,”Isaidwithagrin.“Andtwoverylittlesisterstojoininon

thefun.”

Lilygiggled.“Thisissoweird.”

Inodded.“Weird,forsure,”Isaid.“Butperfect.”

Lilysmiledandagreed.

IlookedatEvanagain,whowascooingtothebabyinthebasinet.Hefeltmyeyes

onhim,andwhenhelookedup,hiseyeswerefilledwithsomuchloveandadoration.

Whenwe’dstartedout,Iwasbrokeandwillingtohaveababyforthesakeof

havingmoney.Inninemonths,somuchhadchanged.Iwasalovinggirlfriend–no,fiancée

—ofoneofthewealthiestmenintownwiththreebeautifulbabiesthatI’djustgivenbirth

to.Andmybestfriendwasfamilynow.She’dalwaysfeltlikeasistertome,butnow,it

wasevenclosertoreality.

Itwasinsanehowinlessthanayear,everythinghadchanged.Insaneandbeautiful.

IlookedfromLilytoEvantoourthreechildrentogether.

Insaneandbeautifulandjustthebeginning.

THEEND

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ChapterOne

Quinn

TheNeighborlyThingToDo

It’stoodamnhotinhere.

MyeyesfeellikeboiledonionsasItrytoreadthewordsonmycomputerscreen.I

can’trememberaSeptembersoblisteringinmytwenty-twoyearsonthisplanet;noteven

hereinArizonawhereit’shotmostofthetimetobeginwith.Althoughwhenmydadand

Igocampinginthedesertsometimes,itcanbeblessedlycoolatnight—evencoldon

occasion.

Butitisn’tnight.Andwearen’tcamping.Ilieonthebedofmyupstairsbedroomin

thesame-oldfour-bedroomrancherwe’velivedinforever,withmylaptopproppedin

frontofme,opentothenotesforWednesday’squiz.Justonemoreyeartofinishmy

Master’sinPsychologyatASU,andI’llbefreetomoveon,findagoodjobormaybe

evensetupmyownbusiness.Hopefullysomewheremoretemperatethanscorched

Scottsdale.ThoughIloveourhousehere,itseemsawfullyemptywithMomgone.

Withapangofsadness,Irealizeit’salmosttwoyearssincetheaccidentthatclaimed

herlife,andinaway,itclaimedmineandmydad’stoo.FrederickVanderKemp,noted

andrespectedfamilydoctor,forallhisskillandknowledgecouldnothavesavedhiswife

fromtheoncomingsemithatcrushedhersmallvehicleonalonelyArizonahighwaythat

night.He’dneverbeenthesamesince,andhispracticehadsuffered.Ourliveswenton

holdasthetwoofusstayedlockedinthedubiouscomfortofoursharedgrief.

Forthatreason,Icouldn’tleavemydadtodealwithitallalone.I’dburiedmyselfin

mystudies,shelvingmyownsadnesswhilehelpinghimtocope.WhenIgraduate,Iwant

tobecomeagriefcounselorandhelpotherstoovercomesuchdevastatingeventsandput

myexperience,astraumaticasitis,toproductiveuse.Itwouldhelpmehealinthe

process,too;putthetragicpastbehindmeforgood.Imissmymom,butnothingwill

bringherback.DadandIbothhavetomoveforwardsomehow.

Irolloverontomybackandrubmytiredeyes.Ican’ttakeanothersecondofthat

brightscreen,orreadyetanothercasestudyoncounselingmethodsforsubstance-induced

behavioraldisorders.Dealingwithpsychosanddrugaddictswasnotgoingtobemyarea

ofspecialization.But,aspartofthemandatorycurriculum,Ihavenochoicebuttolearnit

ifIwantthoselettersbehindmynamesomeday.AndIdefinitelywantthem.

Intruth,therubricisn’tallthatdifferentthanthemethodsfortreatingdepressionor

PTSD.Empathizewiththepatient,makethemfeelsafe,helprationalizetheirthought

processestoavertpotentialdestructivebehavior.Itsoundssosimpleintheory.ButIcan’t

sayforsureifI’drememberwhattodoorsayifIcameface-to-facewithsometrigger-

happymethhead,andIhopeIneverhavetofindout.

IexpectmyfriendRochelletobecallingsoon,likeshealwaysdoesonSunday

nights,tryingtopersuademetocomeoutfordrinksatoneofthecampusbars.

“You’vegottagetoutmore,”shealwayssays.“Meetsomeguys,forChrist’ssake.

You’relikeadamnnun—wearingyourschoolworkandyourvirginitylikehabitrobes.

Youneedthatcherrypopped,girl.You’llfeelbetter,Iguaranteeit.”

Shemakesitsoundlikepunchingaticketforadmittancetosomeexclusiveclub;

somestatussymbolIshouldbestrivingtoattain.Isighandtugmycottonteeshirtaway

fromthesweatyvalleybetweenmybreastswherethematerialhasstuck.Sexis

everywhereoncampus.Hornyguysandgalsseemtofloatthroughclassesandsocial

eventsfornootherreasonthantogetofforgetlaid,andtheydon’tcarewithwhom.

That’snotme.MaybeI’mdelusional,orjustold-fashioned,butIwantmyfirsttimetobe

withsomeoneIreallycareabout,andwhocaresaboutmeinreturn.Wasthatso

impossiblethesedays?Wasitsomuchtohopefor?

AsmuchasIfeelthesameurgesasmyclassmates,Iknowalltheguysapproachme

onlybecauseofmylooks,andonlywantonething.Myblonde,blue-eyedDutchgenes

andmymother’svoluptuouscurvesaremoreofacursethanablessing.I’mjusta

tantalizingDutchTreatonlegstothem—ahot,fluffywafflewithwhippedcreamontop,

readyandwillingtobeeatenwherever,whenever,likea$2.99all-daybreakfastspecial.

Ugh.Idreamofaguywhomightactuallywantmebecauseofme,QuinnVanderKemp.

Gentle,smartandcaring.Andavirgin.

Dammit.WaitingforMr.Rightto“popmycherry”doesn’tstopmefromfeelingas

hornyastherestofthem.Sweattricklesdownmyabdomenfrombeneathmytits,andI

feelmynipplespressannoyinglybeneaththefabricstretchedtightlyacrossthem.Jeez,

couldn’tjustalittlebreezewaftinthroughmyopenbedroomwindow?Thespinning

ceilingfanofferssomeminorrelieffromthedevilishheat,butnotnearlyenough.

SoIthinkoftheonlyotherkindofreliefavailabletome,andsnakeonehand

downwardtothewaistbandofmyhigh-cutjeanshorts.I’mhomealone,andDadrespects

myprivacywhenI’minmyroominanycase.Ilistentothedroningwhirofthefanand

therandomsoundsfromoutsideasIpullthezipperandspreadthefoldsofdenimaway,

shovingthemdownpastmybum.

Birdstweetandinsectsbuzz.Ibitemylipandpullasidethesoddenstripofpanty

coveringmycrotch.Mypubiccurlsarewetasmyfingerweavespastthem,findingthe

smooth,slipperycanalofmypussy.

Istrokemyfingerthroughmywetchannel,incitingmyclittothrobandswell.ThenI

touchit,pressingandtappingmylittlebudtohappiness.Thecombinedwetnessofarousal

andsweatcreateslittlesmackingnoisesasIpumpupanddown,andasmilecurvesthe

cornersofmymouth.Myclinicalmindknowsit’scalledanorgasm,butthesensationis

somuchmorethanthatclumsy-sounding,colorlessword.

It’sheaven.

Ifeelthedeliciousswellofitstirringdeepinmybelly,likeawavestillfarfrom

shore,onethat’scertaintocrestandsweepmeawayinecstasywhenitarrives.Myhips

buck,andmyskintinglesdownlowasIpumpfaster,workingtomyrelease.Amoan

escapesmylipsandcrescendosintoanechoingscreechasIfinallycome,thesound

louderthanIeverrecallmaking.Goodthingnobody’shomeorI’dhavesomeexplaining

todo.

AsImycatchmybreathandrelaxtothesatisfying,quakingpulsesofmyprivate

muscles,Irealizeit’snotmemakingallthatnoise.Thesquealofhigh-performancebrakes

andthehissofadieselenginecomingtoastopshattersthestill,hotairoutside.Whatkind

ofvehiclelikethatwouldbedrivingupourquietresidentialstreet?

Spentandhotterthanever,Isighandreplacemypantiesandshorts.Irolloffmy

rumpledbedandstepuptothewindow,partingthesheercurtainstopeeroutatthestreet

below.Amovingvanhaspulledupatthecurbinfrontofthevacanthousenextdoor;the

onethat’sbeenonthemarketformonths.Itwillbenicetohaveneighborsagain;Imiss

wavinghellooverafenceandthesecurityofknowingsomeoneisnearbyifyoueverneed

ahelpinghand.Iwonderwhothenewownersareandiftheyhavekids?I’velivedhere

mostofmylifeandhavebabysatnearlyeveryoneontheblockundertheageoftwelve.I

especiallylikedsittingfortheCallahan’stwodoorstothesouthofus,butthosegirlsand

boysareoldenoughnowtobeontheirown,andIdon’tseethemmuchnowadays.Maybe

thisnewfamilywillhavesomelittleones.

Iwatchthedriverandanotherheavy-setmanexitthefrontseatofthecabandmove

tothebackofthetruck.Fromtherearseatcrewcab,Iseeatallmangetoutandsteponto

thesidewalk.He’swearingjeansandoneofthosesleevelessundershirtsthatfitsotight

theripplingmusclesofhischestandabsareclearlyvisiblebeneaththethinmaterial.His

bulgingbicepsarenosecreteitherinthatoutfit,andhisskinistannedtoabeautiful

goldenbrown.Whenhetipshisfaceupwardtothesunlight,Inoticetheruggedlinesof

hisface.He’solderthanhisbodysuggests,buthandsomeallthesame;mystomachgives

atinyflutterathowattractiveheis.

Heturnsandliftsoutalittlegirlwearingacutepolkadotsundressfromasafetyseat

inthecrewcab.Hehoistsherinhisarmsandgivesherakissonthecheekbeforesetting

herontheground.Shejumpshappilyupanddownanddoesalittletwirlthatmakesher

skirtfanoutinacircle.Shelookslikeanadorablespinningtop.Themanletsoutalaugh

that’sbothsexyandjoyfultomyears.Theyseemlikeanicefamily,andI’mgladthere’sa

smallchildjustasI’dhoped,butIwonderwherethegirl’smotheris?Idon’tseeanyone

elsegetoutofthevehicle.Perhapsthemissuscouldn’tgetawayfromworktodayor

something?

Iletthecurtainsfallshutandreturntomycomputer.Mystudyingwon’tdoitself,

andIfeellikeabusybodystaringoutmywindowatthenewfolks.They’llhaveenoughto

dowithunpacking,anddon’tneedapeepingThomasinagapingatthemthewholetime.

MaybetomorrowI’llpopovertointroducemyselfandwelcomethemtothe

neighborhood.Ifitcoolsdownenoughthisevening,Imightchancetolighttheovenand

bakesomecookiesormuffinstobringtothem.It’stheneighborlythingtodo,right?

Ofcourse,itis.Andatthesametime,I’llgettomeetthatsweetlittlegirl—andher

hotdad.Igivemyselfashake,thehandsome,muscledmanmakingmerecallwhatI’d

beendoingjustastheyarrived,andwalktothebathroomtowashup.MaybeRochelleis

right;Ireallydoneedtogetoutmoreandmeetpeople,er,guys.Idon’twanttohaveto

masturbateforever,butI’mstillalittlenervousaboutsex.Iwantmyfirsttimetobewith

somebodyspecial—somebodyexperienced.

Iblushinwardlyatmynextthought,whichisthatthehunkyneighbormanclearly

hasexperiencesincehehasadaughter.Iforceitaway,scoldingmyselfforeventhinking

suchathing.He’sprobablymyfather’sageforheaven’ssakeandmarriedtoo.Idrymy

handsandhangupthetowel.IthinkthatwhenRochellecalls—andshewillblessher

heart—Iwon’tsaynothistime.MaybethejourneytoMr.Rightstartswithjustafew

babysteps.

ChapterTwo

Logan

NewDigs

“Igotcha!”

RosesquealswithlaughterasIreachinsideherhidingplacebehindabigcardboard

boxtotickleherintheribs.

“Igotcha,”Irepeat,joininginherlaughter.Ican’tthinkofasweetersoundonearth

asalittlegirl’sbrightgiggle—especiallywhenit’smyownlittlegirldoingthegiggling.

ShejumpsupanddashesacrossthehardwoodfloortodivebehindanotherboxasifI

won’tfindherthere.

“Uh-oh,where’sRose?Ican’tseeher!”Itease,crawlingacrosstheflooronmy

handsandkneestowardthenewbox.“ButIcansmellher…”Isnifftheairexaggeratedly

sinceshe’saskedmetopretendtobeadoginourlittlegameofhideandseek.

Muffledlaughterechoesfrombehindthebox.Shehasn’tquitefiguredoutthatthe

pointofhideandseekisNOTtobefound,butwhere’sthefuninthat?Sniff,sniff…I

crawlcloser,slappingmyhandsloudlyonthewoodenfloortoannouncemypresence.I

pokemynosearoundthecornerofthebox.

“Theresheis!”Iyell.

Rosescramblesouttheoppositeside,butIquicklystandandgrabherasshetriesto

makeforthekitchen.Iswingherupintomyarmsasshelaughs.

“Doggiegotmeagain!”shesqueals.Ilickthesideofherfaceandmakemock

pantingnoises,whichelicitsevenmorescreamsandgigglesfromher.

She’sbeenaskingifwecangetapuppy,butwiththemoveandthebusysummer

season,Ican’tmakeheranypromises.Ihaveenoughtoworryaboutjusttakingcareof

herandmygrowingconstructionbusiness,neverminddealingwithabarkingbundleof

energythatneedshousetraining.RoseisalltheenergyIcanhandlerightnow,soshe’ll

havetomakedowithapretenddoggie,akaDaddy.

“Iwantapuppy,”shesaysforatleastthethirdtimetoday.

“What?Youdon’tlikethispuppy?”Iask,fakingacanine-soundingwhimper.

“Noooo…arealpuppy,Daddy!”

Igiveupthedogactandofferasmilealongwiththeage-oldparentlineof“no”

veiledin“maybe”.

“We’llsee,Rosebud.We’llsee.Doyouthinkapuppywouldlikeournewhouse?”I

ask,turningaone-eightywithherinmyarmsbeforesettingherdownagain.

“Yes!”sheyellsandstartsoffatarun,makingacircularlapfromthelivingroom,

throughthekitchen,thehallwayandbackagain.“Hecanrunaroundlikethis!Ilikeour

newhouse!”Herbrunettehairfansoutbehindherassheracespast,andIworryshe’lltrip

orrunintosomethingwithallourbelongingsstackedeverywhere.Ionlyhadtimetoset

upthebedslastnight,sotodayisearmarkedformajorunpacking.

It’sMonday,butI’vetoldmycrewnottoexpectmebackforafewdays.Although

we’veonlymovedtenmilesacrosstown,itfeelslikeworldsapartfrommycramped

condo.TheconstructionindustryhaspickedupinthePhoenixareaoverthelastyearand

thetimefeltrighttobuysomethingnewandbigger.Rosewouldn’tstaylittleforever,and

thisthreebedroomsplit-levelwiththebigbackyardisjustwhatwebothneed.Abitofa

fixer-upper,butthat’srightupmyalley,too.BeingclosertomymotherLila’splacein

TempeisanaddedbonussothatshecanseeRosemoreoften;butsinceshestillworks

fulltimeandsheandIarestillrepairingourrockyrelationship,I’llneedtofindadaycare

nearbysoon.Rightnowmyworldisprettymuchdefinedbythesetwowomenandmy

job,andthey’reallIneed.

“Whoathere,Rosebud,”Isayasshecareenstowardmeonherlatestlap.Iscoopher

upmid-stride.“Norunninginthehouse,okay?”

“Okay,”shereplies,outofbreath.“I’mhungry.”

Ihavetolaughathowkidscanchangedirectioninasplit-second.

“Shallwemakesomelunch?”Iask.Rosenodsemphatically,andasIturntowardthe

kitchenIrememberthere’snotmuchinthefridgeorthecupboards.AtriptoMcDonald’s

crossesmymindwhenthefrontdoorbellrings.Rose’seyeslightup.Imatchherpop-eyed

lookofsurprise.“Whocouldthatbe?”Ican’timaginewho’dbecallingonuswhenwe’ve

onlybeenherelessthantwenty-fourhours.

IwalktothedoorbalancingRoseonmyhip.Withnopeepholetopeerthrough,I

havetotakemychancesandswingopenthesolid,woodpaneleddoortogreetourvisitor.

Ontheporchstandsastunningblondewoman,holdingawickertrayfilledwithmuffins.

Theylookfreshfromtheoven,andIcanpracticallysmelltheraspberriesbakedintothem,

butfreshdoesn’tbegintodescribethelovelycreaturebrandishingthetreats.

Herlonghairglowsinagoldhalofromthesunlightoverhead.Hersleevelesstop

revealsslendershouldersandshapelyarms.Herpouty,bow-shapedlipsaretheshadeof

raspberriestooandlookjustassweet.Herblueeyesmatchthedesertskybehindher,and

myrovinggazepassesoverhergenerousmoundsofbreastanddowntothecurvy,smooth

expanseofthighbelowthehemofhershorts.

“Hi,I’mQuinnVanderKemp,Ilivenextdoor.Ijustwantedtowelcomeyoutothe

neighborhood.”

Wow.Somewelcome!Aprettygirlthatlooksasgoodtoeatasthebakedofferingin

herhands.I’dshutawaymyappetiteforwomenforsolongI’dforgottenwhathungerfelt

like.Thisvisioninshortshadallmytastebudsfiring.

“Hi!”Rosesays,breakingmystupefiedsilence.

“Hello,Quinn,”Ifinallysay.“That’ssokindofyou,thankyou.I’mLoganBrenner,

andthisismydaughterRose.”

“Pleasedtomeetyou.Isawyoumovinginyesterdayandfiguredyouprobably

hadn’tgottenachancetohitthemarketyet,soIbroughttheseover,”shesayswithasmile

thatlightsupmyporchaswellasmyneglectedprivates.

“Whatkind?”Roseasks,pointingtothetray.

Quinnturnsherattentiontomylittlegirlwithanothersweetsmile.“They’re

raspberryandwhitechocolate,”shewhispers,asthoughsharingthesecretofhidden

treasure.Icanalreadytellshehasawaywithchildren.Heck,sheisn’tmuchmorethana

kidherself;maybetwenty,butwhoknowsthesedays?

Roselooksatmewitheyesbigastwomoons.“Yourfavorite,”Isay.“Howdidshe

know?”Iglancesidewaysatourvisitorandgiveherawink.

“Well,theyhappentobemyfavoritetoo,”Quinnsays.

“Uh,won’tyoucomein?”Iask,realizingI’veleftherstandingonthestoopfor

nearlyafullminute.IstepbackandlowerRosetothefloor.

“Thankyou.”QuinnstepsinandkneelsdowntoRose’slevel.“Wouldyoulikeone?”

sheasks,holdingthetraytowardher.Rosenodsandplucksoutthenearestmuffinthat’s

almosttoobigforhertinyhand.

“Whatdoyousay?”Iprompt,tryingdesperatelynottofocusonthesweettreatof

Quinn’scleavagethat’sopentomylineofsightasshebendsdown.God,hertitslooked

liketwodeliciousmelonsbeingservedupinthetightcottonwrapsofhershirt.

“Thankyou,”Rosesays,thenskipsawaytositononeofthemanysealedboxesstill

litteringtheroomtodevourherprize.Isighatthereminderofhowmuchworkwestill

havetodo.

“She’ssosweet,”Quinnsays,risingtoherfeetagain.“MayIputtheseinyour

kitchen?”sheasks,liftinghertray.

“Oh,letme,”Isay,takingthetrayfromherhands.Ifeellikeallmymannershave

flownoutthewindowwithjustonelookatthiswillowyblondedoe.Bambiseemedlike

therightnameforherratherthanQuinn.ShefollowsmeintothekitchenwhereIsetthe

goodsdownonthecounter.“Thankyouforthese.You’requiteright—Ihaven’tdoneany

shoppingyet.”

“Iknewthefolkswholivedherebefore,”shesays.“Icanseetheyrepaintedabit

sinceIsawthishouselast,butIsupposeyou’llprobablywanttoputyourownstampon

it.Doyouneedsomehelpunpacking?Awfullotofboxesyou’vegothere.”

Hmm.Inquisitivetype.Notshyatall.I’mintrigued.“Thankyou,butI’vegotmostof

todayandtomorrowoff,soI’msurewe’llmanage.”

“That’snice.Whatisitthatyoudo?”

“Iownmyownbusiness,BrennerConstruction.Webuildhouses,smallcommercial

properties,doabitoflandscaping.”

“Oh,hownice…beingyourownboss.IhopeIcandothattooafterIgraduate.I’m

stillastudent.”

“Oh,whereat?”Iask,mymentalgearsdoingthemath.Asastudent,shecouldbe

anywherefromeighteentotwenty-threeyearsold.Whydoyoucare,yourandyoldman?

“I’matASU.JustonemoreyeartogetmyMasters.”

“AMasters?Wow,that’squiteanachievement.”Thatwasalotofyearstobein

school.“Whatareyoustudying?”Beforeshecananswer,mycellphonegoesoff.“Excuse

me,”Isay,grabbingitfrommypocket.“BrennerConstruction,Loganhere,”Ianswer,

knowingfullwellit’smyforemanDanReardoncalling.Itmustbeimportantifhe’s

interruptingmytimeoff.

Hetellsmethebackhoehasstrucksomekindofmysteryobjectburiedbeneathour

latestjobsite.Thefirst-callreporthadn’tindicatedanythinginsidetheright-of-way,soit

mustbesomethingancientthatescapedthesurveyinformation.Ihavetobethere,butI’ve

gotRose.“Areyousure?Hasitruptured,orleakedanything?”InoticeQuinnhasgone

overtositcross-leggedonthefloornexttoRose.Rosesmilesatherwithraspberrysmears

onherfaceandamouthfullofmuffin.IguessIdon’tneedtoworryaboutlunch,afterall.

“Notexactly,butit’sprettyrusty.Afraidtodisturbitanymore—itmightjustcrumble

topiecesandwhothehellknowswhat’sinsideit,”Dansays.

“Okay,justflagitoffandleaveit.I’vegotRosewithme,soIcan’tgetthereuntilI

findasitter.Don’tknowifLila’sofftoday.”Orifshe’ssober.Quinnlooksupandwaves

atme,obviouslyoverhearingmyconversation.“I’llhavetocallyouback,Dan.”

“Ifyouneedtoleave,IcanwatchRoseforyou.Idon’thaveclassestoday,andI’m

kindatheresidentbabysitterontheblock.Iknoweverykidwithinamileradius,ask

anyone,”Quinnsayswithareassuringsmile.

It’satemptingoffer,butIdon’tknowanyoneontheblock,andIonlymetthisgirl

fiveminutesago.I’dbeanirresponsibleparentleavingmypreciousRosewithastranger.

Imighthavebeenashittypartnerandaspitefulson,butI’msureashellplanningtobea

top-notchfather.“That’skindofyou,butIcan’timpose.Nothingpersonal,butIreally

don’tknowyouwellenoughtohaveyouwatchmydaughter.”

Quinnlooksabitdisappointedbutnodsinunderstanding.“It’snotroubleatall,

really.WouldyoufeelbetterifIshowedyousomelettersofreference?Ihaveseveralat

home,I’llrunandgetthemifyou’dlike?”shesaysasshemovestowardthefrontdoor.

“No!”Rosecries,droppingmuffincrumbsonthefloorasshetoddlestowardus.

“Don’tgo‘way…”

Quinnturnstoher.“Nicetomeetyou,Rose.I’llcomeseeyouanotherday,okay?”

Rose’screstfallenlookstabsatmyheart.Bothguiltandangerriseinmeatthe

realizationthatshe’sdesperateformotherlyattention.Godknowsherownmotherdidn’t

provideit,abandoninguslikeshedid.Havingagrandmotherbackinthepictureis

wonderful,butitcan’tcomparetoareal,full-time,lovingmom.Onewhobakesher

favoritemuffinsandhasclearlywonheraffectionalready.

“Uh,that’sokay.Referenceswon’tbenecessary,”Iinterrupt.“Areyousureyouwant

to?Ishouldn’tbemorethananhour,andI’llpayyouextrafortheshortnotice.Callit

rushcharges,”Isaywithagratefulsmile.“Thankyou.”

“You’rewelcome,thankyouforputtingyourtrustinme.I’magreatbabysitter,

honest.I’llgetyouthosereferencesfornexttime,justtoputyourmindatease.”Quinn

reachesforahandshake.

Itakeherslim,softhandinmybig,callusedone.Itfeelswarmandwelcoming,andI

wanttoholditforever,likearareflowerthatisbloomingjustformydaughterandme—

evenifonlyforanhour.“Youalreadyhave.LookslikeIpickedagreatneighborhood.”

Andneighbors—withbenefits.

ChapterThree

Quinn

TooHottoHandle

“What’sakingdom?”

Rose’ssleepyvoiceinterruptsmynarrationofTheFrogPrince.Somanyquestions!I

knowfour-year-oldsarenaturallyinquisitive,butRoseseemstotakecuriositytoalevel

beyondheryears,evenwhenhalf-asleep.Sheseemedalmostanalytic,wantingtoknow

“why”and“what”andnotsatisfiedwithtriteanswers.Inaway,sheremindsmeofme.

Perhapsbeingadoctor’sdaughterspurredmythirstforknowledge,andIlikedbeing

aroundotherswhofeltthesame.IalreadyknewIlikedbeingaroundRose.

“It’saplacewherekingsandqueensrule,”Isay,knowingI’mprobablyjustsetting

myselfupformorequestions,butcurioustoknowwhathernextonewillbe.

“What’srule?”sheasks,herliddedeyesonthevergeofclosing.

“Mmm,itmeanstobetheboss.Likeyourdaddyisthebossathiswork.”

“Whereismydaddy?”

“He’llbebacksoon,”Isay,thoughI’dexpectedhimbackalready.“Let’sfinishthe

story,andI’llbethe’llbeherebythen,okay?”

“O-kay…”shesayswithayawn.“Ilikeyou,Kin.”

Icouldn’thelpbutsmile.Kidsweresoopenandhonest,unlikeadults.Ifeveryone

weresostraightforward,theworldwouldn’tneedpsychologists.I’dhavetopursue

anotherprofession.

“Ilikeyoutoo,Rose,”Isay,myvoicecatching.Thefrogfromthestoryseemsto

haveleapedfromthepageintomythroat.Iclearitandkeepreading.

“Andthefrog,freeofthespellthathadbeencastuponhim,turnedintoahandsome

prince.Hewasthemostbeautifulmantheprincesshadeverseen,andshewassorrythat

shehadbeensomeantohim.Theprincehadlovedtheprincessallalong,watchingher

fromafarinhishomeinthepond.Hebentdownononekneebeforeherandaskedthe

princesstomarryhim.Shesaidyes,andherfathertheKinggavehisblessing.Theywere

marriedthenextday,andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.Theend.”

Isighattheclichéstorybookending.Totallyunrealistic,butwhodoesn’tlovea

fairytaleending?IglanceoverandseethatRosehasfinallyfallenasleep.Iremembermy

momreadingprincessstoriestomewhenIwaslittletoo,andaribbonofsadnesswhips

throughmeatthethoughtofher—gonefrommylife.

ItseemsthatRose’smotherhasgoneawaytoo,althoughIdon’tknowwhereorwhy.

Herdaddyseemstobeherwholeworld.Ilookoveratherlittlebodycurleduponthebed,

astuffedtoyclutchedtoherchest.IhopeI’llhavekidssomedayjustlikeher.AndIwon’t

beanabsenteemom,either.I’lllovethemwithallmyheartandsoulandbethere

whenevertheyneedme,likemyowndadhasdone.LikeLoganhasdoneforRose.

Ismileandclosethebook.It’sbeennearlytwohourssinceLoganleft,andafterthe

firsthour,IcouldseeRoseturninggrumpyandneedinganap.I’vebeenaroundkids

enoughtoknowthosesigns,andtheheatoutsideonlymadeitworse,soIaskedherto

showmeherroomandfindabookformetoreadtoher.Luckilythemovingboxeswere

well-marked,andwequicklyfoundalargehardcovercollectionofGrimm’sandother

fairytales.

Itseemsevenhotterthanyesterday,andit’sjusttwop.m.Thingswon’tbecoolingoff

anyuntilwellaftersuppertime,andnowIknowwhythesiestawasinvented.Whocould

eventhinkstraightinthisheat?Foraminute,Iconsidertakinganapmyself,toescapethe

soaringtemperature,butthatwouldn’tbeveryresponsibleofme.Andresponsibilitywas

somethingItookveryseriously.Especiallywhentryingtoimpressthenewneighborwith

mytrustworthiness.

Secretly,IhopeI’veimpressedhimwithmorethanthat.Ithoughthewasgood-

lookingwhenIsawhimfrommybedroomwindow,butupcloseandpersonalhewas

nothingshortofgorgeouswithhisacresofhardened,sculptedbodyandabrilliant,sexy

smilegracinghisclassicallyhandsomeface.Ifigureallthatconstructionworkmusthave

contributedtothosebulgingmusclesthatarebronzedtoperfection.Andwhenhewinked

atme,Ifeltahotblushburnthroughmethathadnothingtodowiththetemperature

outside.

IopenthewindowinRose’sroomalittlewider,hopingforsomebreezefromthe

shadedbackyard.Ipeerdowntothelawnbelowandnoticeacoupleofoldfoldingchairs

thatmusthavebeenleftbehindbythelastowners.Theylookalittlerickety,butperhaps

they’restillseaworthy,andIcancatchafewminutesintheshade.Thewindowisright

abovethem,soI’llhearRoseifshewakesup.

Isneakoutofthebedroomandwalktothebackdoorthroughthekitchen,whichis

stillfullofcratesandboxes.IfLogan’sgoingtobemuchlonger,perhapsIcouldmake

myselfusefulandunpacksomeofthedishesandsilverware.I’msurehe’dappreciatethe

extrahandseventhoughhesaidhedidn’tneedhelp.Butweexchangedphonenumbers

beforeheleft,soI’msurehemustbeonhiswaybackifhehasn’tcalledtosayotherwise

bynow.Heprobablyjuststoppedatasupermarkettopickupsomeessentials.I’minno

hurryanyway,soIkickoffmyflipflopsandstepontothecoolgrass.Itfeelsgreat

betweenmytoes.

Ipickthesturdiestofthetwochairsandsitdowncarefully,incasetheseatcanvas

mightrip.Itdoesn’t,andIleanbacktoenjoythedeliciousrespitefromtheglaringsun.I

liftthemaneofmyblondehairoffmynecktoletwhatlittleairmovementthereiswaft

acrossit.It’squietasidefromthebirds,insectsandoccasionalstreetnoises.Icouldn’t

bearwearingaconfiningbrathismorningwhilebakingthemuffins,andIfeelthesweat

trickledownbetweenmybreastsagain.Iundoafewbuttonsonmyblouseandloosenthe

materialinhopesofcatchingthesamesmallbreeze.

Ithelps,buttheoutdoorspaceisstillfarfromrefreshingdespitetheshadeofthe

houseandtrees.Iseeshrubsandplantsallaroundthatareinneedofattentionsincethe

placehasbeenvacantallsummer.They’redryandovergrown,andInoticemyprevious

neighborshaveleftanoldgardenhosecoiledupandstillattachedtotheoutsidetap.

Perhapsthat’sanotherwayIcanhelpoutthishandsomesingledad;waterhisyardfor

him.Youdon’tknowhe’ssingle,Icatchmyself.Smartenupanddoyourhomework,grad

schoolgirl.

Nevertheless,IwonderwhatelseIcandoforhim.He’snohornycollegeboy,

though,lookingforaquickieintheschoollockerroomlikemostI’vemet.WouldLogan

Brennerlikethingsslowandsweet?Orwouldhelikeitfastandhot,ourbodiesslithering

againsteachotherundertheshower?

Acoldshowerwouldfeelsogoodrightnow.Iswallowuncomfortably,mythroatdry.

Ifmypantiesweren’talreadymeltingfromtheheat,Logan’slongstareasIstoodonthe

porchsurelywouldhavedoneso.Ipicturedusunderawaterfallonsometropicalisland,

nakedandfondlingeachother.Thebuzzofarousalstirsinmycrotch,butIcanhardlydo

anythingaboutithereinmyneighbor’syard.

OnawhimIreachoverandturnthevalveontheoutdoortap;it’srustybutfinally

giveswithametallicsqueakandallowsthewaterthrough.Iwaituntilthestale,warm

liquidflowscool,thengrabafewsipsrightfromthehose.Myparentsneverdiscouraged

mefromdoingthatasakid.“Itallcomesfromthesamepipe,”they’dsay,butIsuspectit

hadmoretodowithsavingmymomendlesstripstothekitchentogetmeadrink.

Thewaterdripsdownmychinandontomychest.Evenmyscalpissweatingbeneath

mythickhair,andsinceI’llprobablydryinlessthantwominutesinthisheatanyway,I

turnthehoseonmyself.FirstIrunitovermyheaduntilIfeelrivuletscoursingbetween

thestrandsofhairandstreamofftheends.Isplashabitontomyshouldersand

collarbone.Theblessedliquidtracesthroughthevalleybetweenmytitsandsoaksmy

loosenedshirt,butIdon’tcare.Mysciencebrainaffirmsthattheevaporationwillcoolmy

skin.

Myunbridlednipplespeaktoattentionwiththeonslaughtofcoldwater.Thisisn’t

helpingmysexualurges,buttherelieffromtheheatisworthit.Iholdthehoseagainstmy

shoulderwithonehand,whiletheotherslipsdownoverthewetmaterialbarelycovering

mybreastsastheytightenandthrob.Irubthemwithmypalm,hopingtopressthemback

intosubmission,butit’snouse.I’mahorny,wetmess.Myfreehandglidesfrommy

breastdowntothecrotchofmyjeanshortsandbackagain,andIimagineLogan’shands

allovermeinsteadofmyown.

SuddenlyIhearthescreendoorslambehindme.Iwhirlanabout-face,flickingthe

hoseinawildarc,itsstreamofwaternearlyhittingthefigurestandingonthebackporch.

Logan.

Heflinchesonreflextoavoidbeingsplashed,buthiseyesstayfixedonmeand

darkenlikethoseofatrappedanimal.Evenasmyinsidesareshrivelingwith

embarrassment,textbookquotesflashinmybrainaboutreadingbodylanguageandfacial

expressions.Idon’tneedanyresearchtounderstandLogan’slook.I’veseenittoomany

timesonthefacesofmyarrogant,Alpha-typemaleclassmates,andit’snotfear.

It’spure,undisguisedlust,andit’sthelastthingIintended.Iwantedtoimpresshim

butnotthisway.Notbehavinglikeafloozyinacarwashcommercial,soakingwetand

fondlingmyownhalf-exposedtits.God,whatmusthethinkofmenow?I’vemadean

impressionalright,andit’scompletelythewrongone.AsIdropthehoseandturnoffthe

tap,IhaveafeelingIwon’tbebabysittingRoseBrenneragain.Ever.

ChapterFour

Logan

WetDreams

“Sorry!”Imumble,thesoundmorelikeagrowlthananapologyasIabruptlyturn

awayfromtheunexpected,andunexpectedlyarousing,sceneinmybackyard.“I’llget

youatowel.”

Istepinside,willingmyswellingcocktostanddown;ignorewhatI’vejustseen.But

Ican’tunseeit,nomatterhowmanyordersIissuetomytreacherousbody.Thebuxom

blondebabysitter,allwetandglistening…Fondlingherowngorgeousmoundsthrough

hershirt,herdarknipplesclearlyvisiblebeneaththesoakedcloth…

Whatasighttocomehometo.WithastabofshameinmygutIrealizedthatI’d

ratheritweremyownhandssqueezingthoseyouthful,blossomingorbs,andmyerrant

mindpictureswrestlingherdownontothegrass,rippingoffthoseshortsandfuckingher

doggiestyle,pullingonthewetropeofherhairlikealeashwhileIdoit.Damn.Itryto

shaketheobscenethoughtsfrommyheadasIsearchforatowelintheas-yetunpacked

linensinthebathroom.I’vegotnobusinessentertainingideaslikethat,andespeciallynot

aboutagirlwho’satleasttwentyyearsmyjunior.

I’dcheckedinRose’sroomassoonasIgothome,notinghernappingpeacefully

whenIwentinsearchofQuinn.I’dmeanttofixtheairconditioningunitbeforewe

movedinbutbeingsobusyatworkIjustnevergotaroundtoit.Ishouldhavecalledher

whenIknewI’dbelongerthanexpected.IfIhad,shemighthavebeenreadingabookon

mycouchinsteadoftakinganoutdoorshowertoescapetheswelteringheatinsidethe

house.

AtleastIassumethat’swhatshewasdoing…unless…there’smoretoitthanjust

coolingoff?Maybeshemakesahabitofgoingsansbraandpleasuringherself;maybe

she’soneofthosebadcollegemoviestereotypes,flauntingherownsexuality.Maybeshe

waseventryingtoattractme,givealittlethrilltothelonelyoldneighborwho’sinneedof

someexcitement.

Maybe.Not.

Getoveryourself,middle-agedsingledadwithahistoryofunhealthyrelationships.

Theyneverendwell,andtheyalwaysend.Ifindatowelandreturntothebackdoor,

whereQuinniswaitingontheentrymatwithherbacktomeandherhairdrapingdown

overhershouldersinsexywettangles.IlookawayasIhandthetoweltoher.“SorryIwas

late.”

“It’salright,”shesaysinasmallvoice.“IsRosestillsleeping?”

“Yeah,she’sfine.Thanksforofferingtostaywithher.”Igobackintothekitchenand

startunpackingsomeoftheboxestokeepmyhandsbusyandnotthinkaboutwhereelse

theymightoccupythemselves.LikeinbetweenQuinn’sshiveringlegs.

“You’rewelcome,”shereplies,towelingoff.Eventhisinnocentactionsparksunholy

visionsinmyhead—peelingoffthosewetclothes,rubbingherdownlikeamasseusethen

watchingherincredibleassjiggleasIsnapthatwettowelacrossit.“I’msorrytomakea

messofyourbackyard.Itwasjustsohot…”

Yeah.Itwas.Seeingyoulikethat.“Iknow.Theair-conditioning’snotworking.I

shouldhavecalledyou.I’llbemoreconscientiousnexttime.”Nexttime?Whosaid

there’dbeanexttime?

“Don’tworryabouttheyard.Lookslikeitneedswateringanyway,”Isaywitha

chuckle,hopingtolightenthemomentanddeflectmyunsavoryurgesatthesametime.

Quinn’sfaceturnsbeetredassheslipsonherflip-flopsandhandsthetowelbackto

me.“Ihavetogo.Hopeeverythingisokayatyourwork.Goodbye.”Shedoesn’tlookat

measshehurriesfromtheroomtowardthefrontdoor.Shedidn’taskforherpay,andI’ve

forgottentostopattheATM.God,she’sembarrassedassin.Idon’tthinkthere’sawanton

sororitysisterinthereanywhere,andthesoundofhergoodbyepiercesmelikeashotfrom

mynailgun.Idon’twanthertoleavelikethis.

“Wait.Ihaven’tpaidyou,”Icallout.

Shestopswithherhandonthedoorknob,herheaddown.“That’sokay.I’vegotto

go.”

Ifollowhertothedoor.“Iforgottopickupsomecash.AndIjustremembered,I

haveabusinessdinnertoattendtomorrownight.CouldyoustaywithRoseagain?I’llpay

youtwohundreddollarsforbothdays.Soundfair?”

Quinnchancesaglanceatmeoverhershoulder.“Twohundred…?”

“Sure.”Iknowit’saridiculousoffer,butI’mmakingitanyway,toatoneformy

thoughtlessness.Andmyownguiltyconscience.Astudentcouldusetheextramoney,

right?

Sheshakesherheadandtwiststheknob.“Ohno,Mr.Brenner…Icouldn’ttake

that…it’swaytoomuch.AndIhaveclassestherestoftheweek.”

Mr.Brenner?Itsoundedsocoldand…subservient…comingfromherlips.Ididn’t

likeit.ItmademesoundlikeoneofherprofessorsattheUniversity.Icringeattheidea

I’mlikelyoldenoughtobeoneofthem.

“CallmeLogan,”Isay,withagenuinesmile.Iwanthertotrustme,thesameway

I’mbeginningtotrusther.MostofallIwanthertoreturntomorrow.“Justtwohours,I

promise.You’llbehomeearly.Please?”

Quinnchewsherlipassheappearstothinkitover.Thegesturenearlymakesme

hardagain.It’sadorableandsexyatthesametime.Pleasesayyes.

“Whattime?”sheasks.

“Uh…issixo’clockokay?”

“Okay,”shesayswithacurtnod.“Goodnight,Mr.Brenner.”

“Logan,”Iremindher.Shelooksatmeandflashesatinysmilethatmakesmy

privatesgiveanextratwitch.

“Okay,Logan.”

“Great,”Isay,andexhalearelievedbreath.Better.Muchbetter.“Seeyouthen.

Thanks.”

Inablinkshe’sgone,thedoorswingingclosedbehindher.Imovetothewindowto

watchhercurvyformjogawayfrommeandovertothelargehousenextdoor.Itoccursto

meastudentlikelyisn’tlivingonherowninaplacelikethat.Shemusthaveroommates.

Ifso,Ihopedtheyallweren’tasmuchofaknockoutassheis.I’dbeadeadmaninno

time,havingtojerkoffeverytimeoneofthemsomuchaslookedoverthefence.

Butmyhopefulcockretreatstostand-bymodeasIconsidertheotherlikelihood—

she’sstilllivingwithherparents.NowIreallyfeellikealecherousshit,practically

bribingayounggirl,luringheroutfromunderthewatchfuleyesofMomandDadwitha

pieceofcandy.ButIreallydoneedasittertomorrow,andIdon’twanttoaskLila.She

won’tapproveofwhereI’mgoing.

I’dtoldawhitelie;it’snotabusinessdinner,butitdoesinvolvesomeunfinished

business.AndunlikeQuinn,it’swiththelastpersonIeverwanttoseeagain.Thelast

personIeverwantRosetoseeagain.IwonderifI’llevenrecognizeherafterallthistime.

Fouryearscouldchangealotofthings,butIdoubtedithadchangedJolene;atleastnot

forthebetter.I’dclosedmyheartatthesamemomentshe’dclosedthedooronme…on

us.MeandRose.AndIneverplannedtoopenitagain.

Butnomatterhowthickthebarrier,asliveroflightcanstillseepin.Thewarmsunny

kind,likethelightreflectingoffQuinn’scrownofgoldenhairrightnow,thattricksyou

intothinkingit’sspringtimeagain;luresyouintoopeningitjustthatlittlecrack.Onlyto

bemetwiththebitterwindofbetrayalandloneliness.No.Thatdoorhastostayboltedand

barred.

I’mnospringchicken.AndIneverwanttoexperienceanotherwinterofbeing

abandonedbytheverypeoplewhoshouldhavebeenmyshelter.Firstmymother,thenthe

motherofmychild.Hadn’ttwokillingtouchesoffrostbeenenoughtodeadentheseeds

ofhopeandtrust?Burythemsodeepnorayofsunshineordropofmoisturecouldreach

them?

IcandenyitallIwant,butI’veworkedoutdoorsintheelementslongenoughto

knowIcan’tfightnature.Maybetheoldsayingistrue.Hopespringseternal.

ChapterFive

Quinn

AdventuresinBabysitting

“God,I’msureIflunked.”

Rochelleturnstomeasweexitthelectureroom,alookofincredulityonherdark-

skinnedface.“Oh,comeon.You?MissStudyHall?It’sthefirstquizofthesemester.

We’vebarelycoveredanything.Howcouldyoupossiblyflunk?”

“Idunno,Ijustdon’tfeelgoodabouthowIdid.Ididn’tstudyasmuchasIshould

have,”Isay,shakingmyhead.It’strue.Eversincethatdamnmovingvanpulledupnext

door,myconcentration’sgonetoshit.

“Whynot?”Rochelleasks,herfrolocksbouncingaswewalk.“Don’ttellmeyou

actuallyhavesomethingelseonyourmind.Ican’tevenpryyouawayfromyourbooks

withthepromiseoffreebeer,forChrists’sake.”

“YouknowIdon’tevenlikebeer,”Iremindher.

“Hmf,”Rochellesnorts,fixingmewithhernarrowed,darkchocolateeyes.“You

knowyou’reanabomination,don’tyou,Quinnie?Acollegestudentwhodoesn’tdrink

beer,andisstillavirgin.You’reafreakofnature.”

Iwince,butI’velearnedtoembraceRochelle’sbluntbutwell-meaninginsults.

They’reallpartoftheexuberant,outspokenpersonalitythat’smybestfriend,andshe

looksoutformeinherownno-punches-pulledway.She’sbrash,loud,overtlysexy,and

noblushingvirginlikeme.IwishedIcouldbemorelikeher.Atmyage,myvirginstate

hasalmostbecomealiability.“Asopposedtoyou,who’sjustaregularfreak?”Itease.

“Superfreak,ifyoudon’tmind,”shesays,pokingmeinthearm.“Seriously,what’s

eatin’you,girl?”

Asweleavethebuildingandstrollacrossthegrassycommon,Itrytoputmy

thoughtsandfeelingsintowordsthatwon’tsendherintofitsoflaughter.I’mstill

embarrassedbytheeventsofyesterday,andevenmoreembarrassedtospeakofthem,but

Ihavetoconfideinsomeone.Whobettertotellthanmybestfriend?

ImotionRochelleoffthepathandundertheshadeofabigtreenearby.“Idid

somethingincrediblystupidyesterday,”Isay,loweringmyvoiceeventhoughwe’reoutof

earshotofthemanystudentspassingby.“Reallyembarrassing,andIdon’tknowwhatto

do.”

Rochellesetsherbackpackdownonthegrassandlowersherselftositcross-legged

besideit,beckoningmetodothesame.“Sugar,thissoundslikeitmighttakeawhile.

C’mon,takealoadoff.Nextclassisn’tforanhour.”

Isighandsitnexttoherunderthetree.“Imetsomeoneyesterday.”

“Oh,hellno.LetmecallCNN.Who?”

“Mynewnext-doorneighbor.Hisname’sLogan.”

“Mmm,Itakeithe’shot?What’stheproblem?”

“He’sgotakid,Alittlegirl.”

“Akid?”Rochellerepeats,herbrowcreasing.“Sohe’smarried?Howoldisthis

guy?”

Ishrugandpicknervouslyatthebladesofgrassaroundme.“I’mnotsure.Older.

Maybethirty-five?Forty?Idon’tthinkhe’smarried.There’sjustthetwoofthem.”

Rochelle’seyeswidentoshowacircleofwhitearoundherdeepbrownirises.

“Forty?That’salmostasoldenoughtobeyourfather.Howhotcanhebe?”

“Very,”Isay,turningtolookherintheeyes.“IsitbadthatIthinkhe’shot?”

Rochelleblinks.“Hey,youfeelhowyoufeel.There’snorightorwrong,goodorbad.

Ifyou’reintoolderguys,it’snowonderIcan’tgetyouinterestedinanycampussausage,”

shesays,nudgingmewithherelbow.“Whathappenedthat’ssoembarrassing?”

“Iwentovertowelcomethemtotheneighborhood,andIswearmyheartdropped

intomytoeswhenIsawhimcloseup—he’ssohandsome.Andripped.He’sgotmuscles

ontopofhismuscles.Justthesoundofhisvoicemademyinsidesturntomush.Wewere

talking,andwhenhegotcalledintowork,Iofferedtowatchhislittlegirl,Rose.Hewas

onlysupposedtobeanhour,butaftertwohoursIputherdownforanapandwentoutside

tocooloffinthebackyard.Youknowhowitwasyesterday.”

Rochellenods.“And?”

“Iturnedonthegardenhose,justtowetmyneck,but…”Iswallowthe

uncomfortablelumpinmythroat.“Iprettymuchendeduptakingashower.Itfeltsogood

Ijustkeptpouringitovermyheadandshoulders.IthoughtI’dbedryagaininaminute…

butthenhesawme.Caughtmebysurprise,allsoakingwet,mynipplesstickingoutfor

theworldtosee.IthoughtI’ddieofembarrassment.”Ilookoveratmyfriend,hopingfor

somesympathy.Advice.Anything.

“Andwhatdidhedo?”Rochelleasks.

“Hegotmeatowel.ButIsawhowhelookedatme.Justliketheguysoncampus.I

feltlikerawmeat.”

Aspredicted,Rochelleburstsoutlaughing.“Well,he’saguyafterall.Ofcoursehe

lookedatyou.You’renotexactlyatomboy,Quinnie.You’vegotcurvesthatwouldputa

rattlesnaketoshame.Isthatabadthing?Ithoughtyousaidyoulikedhim.”

“Idolikehim,butRoch,Idon’twanttobejustasexobjectoraone-nightstand.

Whatifthat’sallheseesmeas?”

“Wellifhe’sasgoodlookingasyousayheis,I’dsay‘bringithoney’,”shesaysas

shelaughsandgrabsathercrotchtomakeherpoint.“Ilikeamanwithexperience.But

you…”shecluckshertongue.“Iknowyouandyour‘SnowWhite’analyticbrain…notto

mentionyour‘SnowWhite’virginpussy.Youwantyourfirsttimetobeallrosesand

rainbowsandunicorns.”Rochelleshakeshercurlyhead.“Sorry,sugar.Thisisthereal

world.Ifthat’swhatyouwant,bepreparedtobedisappointed.”

Ifrownathercavalierattitude.Butthat’sRochelle,sluttybynature.“Sofar,you’re

nothelping,”Isay.

Rochelleshrugs.“Whatdoyouwant?Aguarantee?Therearenoguarantees.Ifyou

wanttoloseyourvirginity,I’msurehe’llhelpyouout.Butiftheideabothersyou,just

stayawayfromhim.”

“Ican’t.He’saskedmetobabysitagaintonight,andIsaidyes.”

Sheadmonishesmewithadisdainfultiltofherhead.“Well,thenIsuggestyoube

careful.Butitsoundstomelikeyou’vealreadymadeadecision.Ifhe’sintoyou,just

enjoyit.Iknowit’shardforyou,Ms.Psychologymajor,butsometimesyoujusthaveto

stopanalyzingthings.”

“You’reright.”Ipromisetotakeheradviceasweleavethecommon,brushinggrass

offourlegs,andIjusthopeIwillbethinkingasclearlywhenIcomeface-to-facewith

LoganBrenneragaintonight.

***

Atsixo’clockIknockonLogan’sdoor.It’sanotherwarmevening,andI’mwearing

shortsagainbutmadesuretoputonabrassierethistime.IchoseabaggyT-shirtsoasnot

tocallattentiontoanyofmybumps,curvesorprotrudingnipples.

I’mdeterminedtokeepmycoolandnotletyesterday’sincidentbotherme,butI’m

alreadycompromisedatthesightofasmilingLoganthatgreetsmeinthedoorway

wearingasportcoat,dressshirt,andslacks.Helooksamazing.“Hi,you’rerightontime.

Comein.”

Istepinside,andarushofcoolairmeetsme.Itseemshe’smanagedtofixtheair

conditioning.

“Hi.I’vebroughtacoupleofmoviesthatIthoughtRosemightlike,”Isay,and

gesturetotheportableDVDplayerinmyhand.“Ihopethat’salright.Ididn’tknowifyou

haveyourTVandstuffsetupyet.”

“Howthoughtfulofyou.I’msureRosewilllovethat.”

Asifoncue,Rosecomesrunningfromtheothersideoftheroomtowardmewithher

armsopen.“Kin!”shesqueals.Ilaughatherinterpretationofmyname.She’sadorable

andseemstohavetakentomedespiteonlymeetingmeonce.Isettheplayerdownand

wrapherinafriendlyhug.

“Well,itlookslikeyou’vegottentheofficialwelcome,”Logansays,checkinghis

watch.“Ishouldn’tbetoolong.Yougirlshavefun,okay?ByeRosebud.GiveDaddya

kiss?”

“Nuh-uh,”Rosesayswithashakeofherbrunettehead,seeminglyunwillingtoletgo

ofme.“Bye,Daddy.”NowI’mconvincedthathermotherisnotinthepicture,givenhow

muchsheseemstowantmycompany,evenrefusingakissfromDaddy.ThereIgo,over-

analyzingalready.Loganfeignsahurtfullook,stickingouthislowerlip.Iwanttokiss

thoselipsintheworstway,soIfocusonRoseinstead.

“IsyournameRosebud?”Iaskinanexaggeratedvoice.“IthoughtitwasRose.”She

gigglesandsquirmsfree.

“Comeseemyroom!”shesays,beckoningwithhertinyfingersbeforespeedingoff

downthehallway.

“I’vebeendumped,”Logansaysgood-naturedly.“You’vewontheheartofmy

princess,LadyQuinn.Ibowdown.”Hesplaysahandoverhischestandleansforward.

“I’msureyou’restillthecrownprince,”Isay.“She’llbemissingyouinaboutfive

minutes.”

Logan’shazeleyeslockonmineforamoment,andIfeelsuspendedintimeand

space.Iwanttogetlostintheirbrowny-greendepthsforever.ButIdon’twanthimto

knowthat.OrdoI?

“Idoubtthat,butIknowI’llbemissingher,”hesays,hisvoiceslippingintoasexy

lowregister.“Andhernewbestfriend.”

Whatdidhejustsay?Ismileandwaveoffthecomment,andwhateverheintendsby

it.Anyanalysisofitmightquashthelittlethrillittriggersinmyheart,andIpromised

RochelleI’dquitanalyzing.

“Youdon’twanttobelate,”Isay,glancingtowardthedoor.“We’llbefine,don’tyou

worryaboutathing.”

“Iwon’tbeworried,”hesaysandturnstowardthedoor.“Oh,wait.”Hestopsand

reachesintothebreastpocketofhisjacket.“Youmightaswelltakethisnow—beforeI

forgetagain.”Hehandsmeastackofbills.“Twohundred,asagreed.”

MyfingersbrushhisasItakethecrispgreennotesfromhishand.I’mprobably

imaginingthings,butasizzleofelectricityseemstoboltupmyarmevenfromthis

innocentcontact.

“Thankyou,”Isay,thesamehotblushasyesterdayrisingupmyneck.

“Thankyou,”hereplies,hisgazelingeringonmebeforehefinallyturnsandsteps

outthedoor.Ibreatheasighofreliefasheclosesitbehindhim.NowatleastIcan

concentrateonRose’sneedsandnotmyownthatseemtohavesettledintheregion

betweenmylegs.Damn.LoganBrennerisoneHOTpapa.

***

AfterthreegamesofChutes&Ladders,whilesittingonthecarpetinRose’sroom,I

askifshewantstowatchamovie.

“Yeah!”shesays,jumpingupandscatteringtheplayingboardandpiecesintheair.

“Pock-corn?”

“Okay,butyouhavetogetyourPJsonfirst,”Isay,gatheringthegameboxand

collectingthepieces.Ihopethere’spopcorninthekitchenbecauseIdidn’tthinktobring

anysnacks.Afterhelpingherintoherpajamas,Rosefindssomemicrowavepacketsinthe

pantry.I’mimpressedathowtidyandorganizedthehouselookssinceyesterday.Logan

seemstobeagoodhousekeeperinadditiontoanincrediblyhandsomemananda

successfulbusinessowner.Man,talkabouthavingthewholepackage!

Wesettleintothecouch,andIletRosepickadiscfromthepileI’vebrought.Ismile

asshepointstotheDirtyDancingcover.I’msureshehasnoideawhatthemovieisabout,

butI’vealwaysloveditbecauseitremindsmeofmyownmom.Wealwayswatchedit

togetherwhenDadwasworkingalot.Iknowshewouldhavebeenadancerherselfifshe

hadn’tdecidedtosettledownandbecomethedoctor’sperfectwife.

WhenRosestartstonodoffinmylap,Icarryherbacktoherbedroomandtuckher

in.Sherollsoverandfallsfastasleep.It’sjustaftereighto’clock,andLogan’snotback

yet,soIcurluponthecouchandindulgeintherestofDirtyDancingandbittersweet

memoriesofmybeautifulmother,EricaVanderKemp.Ican’thelpbutshedanostalgic

tearwhenIheartheline,“NooneputsBabyinthecorner!”Itwasherfavorite,anditonly

underscoreshowmuchImissher.IwonderifRoseevenknewhermotherwellenoughto

missher.IdozeofftryingtoimaginewhatcircumstancessurroundedtheabsenceofMrs.

Brenner.

ChapterSix

Logan

ForbiddenFruit

Islidebehindthewheelofmytruckandstarttheengine,desperatelythankfultobe

outoftherestaurantatlast.Twohoursofarguingwithasupposedlyreformedalcoholic

anddrugaddicthavetestedthelimitsofmynervesandmytemper.I’dbeenreluctantto

agreetothismeetingwithoutthemediatorpresent,andIregretteditnowmorethanever.

Joleneclaimedtobeachangedperson,butshewasn’tfoolingme.Notthistime.

“Ihavearighttoseemydaughter!”she’ddemanded,poundingherfistonthetable.

Heragitationonlyprovedhowunchangedshereallywas.Theoff-colorstaresofthe

patronsaroundussupportedthat.Alwaysonetomakeascene,Irecalledwithbitter

clarity.Theonlythingworsethanhavingthisderangedwomanasthemotherofmychild

wouldhavebeentohaveherasmywife.ThankGodInevermarriedher.

Itoldhershe’dhavetotakemetocourttogetvisitationrights,thenpaidthecheck

andleft.I’mareasonableman,butbetrayalbythetwowomenI’dlovedmostinmy

lifetimehaserodedmycapacitytoforgive.Orforget.

AllthatmatteredtomewasRose’swell-being,andIknewfrombitterexperiencethat

exposinghertoanunbalancedindividuallikeherbirthmotheratthisstageofheryoung

lifewouldonlybedamaging.RosehasnomemoryofJolene,andIintendtokeepitthat

way.

Istepontheacceleratortogetoutoftheareaandbackhomeasquicklyaspossible.

I’malreadyoverdue,andthisemotionalmeetinghasescalatedmyneedtobewithmy

daughter;toprotectherandkeephersafe.

YetI’veleftherwithanearstranger.Ironically,ItrusttheneighborgirlwhomIonly

metyesterdaymorethanRose’sownfleshandblood.ThoughI’dletLilabackintomylife

afterRosewasborn,itdoesn’tchangehowshe’dtreatedmeallthoseyearsgrowingup.

Thetwenty-poundchiponmyshoulderwon’tbedislodgedthateasily,nomatterhow

goodagrandmashetriestobe.

ThelightsarediminsidethewindowsofmyhouseasIpullupatthecurb,andit

remindsmethatIhavenoblindsordrapesyet.Imakeamentalnotetohireoneofthe

decoratingcontractorsIknowASAP.Thoughcurtainsaren’tmuchofabarrier,withthe

specterofJolenepotentiallyhauntingus,Ineedtoshieldmydaughterandmeinevery

wayIcan.

ThedoorislockedwhenItrytheknob,andasIfishformykey,I’mgladthatitis.

Atleastsomeoneelseistakingthewelfareofmydaughterseriously.Quinnseemstohave

agoodheadonhershoulders;ifshedidn’t,shewouldn’tbeinaMaster’sprogramat

University.Educationmeanseverythingthesedays,andthat’sonethingIintendtosee

thatRosegets,nomatterthecost.Surroundingherwitheducatedpeopleisimportanttoo,

andQuinncertainlyfitsthatdescription.

However,educatedisn’tthefirstadjectivethatcomestomindwhenIthinkofQuinn.

Theimageofhersoakingwetbodyinmybackyardisburnedintomybrainforever.I

knowitwasallamisunderstandingandhorriblybadtiming,butI’dhardlybeamanif

whatIsawdidn’tmakemehardashell…makemewantherineveryway.

Butthatwouldbewrongonsomanylevels.

Istepinsidethedarkenedhouseandslipoffmyshoesandjacket.Allisquiet,soI

knowRoseisasleep,andbythelightofalonetablelamp,IseeQuinn’sblondehair

splayedacrossherproneformlyingonmycouch.She’sfallenasleeptooandlooksas

beautifulandblissfulasanangelinherrepose,butasIstepcloser,myattentioniscaught

bysomethingmuchlessangelic.ThelooseV-neckofheroversizedT-shirthasslipped

asidetorevealalacywhitebra,andmyinsolentcocktwitchestolifeatthesightofthe

softmoundsbeneath.Theyriseandfallgentlywitheachslowbreath.

Ishouldlookaway,butforallmygoodintentions,Ican’t.I’mtransfixedbythis

sleepingbeauty.Ichuckleatthethoughtofwakingherwithakiss,justlikethefairytales

mydaughterissofondof.Andinourownlittlefairytale,theblondeprincesswould

awaken,expresshergratitudeforbreakingtheslumberingspellbydeclaringherundying

loveformeandmylittlegirlandbecomingthemotherandwifewealwayswantedbut

neverhad.

AsIreininmycrazyrunawaythoughts,IrealizeI’mnowsittingontheedgeofthe

sofa,hoveringoverthisinnocentgirllikeDraculaoverLucy.Ishakemyhead.Ineedto

sendherhome.Safe.Andunravaged.

“Quinn,”Iwhisper,placingmyhandonherarm.Shestirsandinhalesaquickbreath

ashereyesflutteropen.They’redarkandmistywithsleep,andmyerectionswellstofull

mast.Thescentofhersoapandshampoowaftsbeneathmynostrils,drivingmylust

higher.I’munsurewhoisinmoredangeratthismoment,Quinnorme.

“Hey,”shewhispersinahuskyvoicethatsendsshiversupmyspineanddown

throughmylegs.“Sorry…Ifellasleep.Whattimeisit?”

“Almostnine.SorryI’mlate.Imayoweyouovertime,”Ireplywithasmile.“Ihope

Rosewasn’tanytrouble?”

“Ohno,”shesays,wavingahandandreturningasleepygrin.“She’sanangel.ButI

shouldgetgoing.”

Istandandofferherahandup,gratefulforthedimlightsothatmyaroused

conditionwon’tbesoobvious.Sheacceptsit,butasIpullherupright,theDVDplayer

slipsofftheedgeofthesofaandlandsonherfoot.

“Ow…”sheswears.Icatchherinmyarmsasshelurchesforwardandfallsagainst

mychest.“Sorry…stillasleep.Damn.Hopeitisn’tbroken.”

“Yourfoot?”Isay,holdingherclose,revelinginthewarmthofherbodypressedto

mine.

“No,theDVDplayer,”shesayswithasoftlaugh.

“I’llbuyyouanewoneifitis,”Isay,myhandstrokingherbackseeminglyofits

ownvolition.Mystiffcockispressingintoherflesh,butshedoesn’tpullaway.Instead,

herfacetiltsupward,hereyes,noseandlusciousfulllipsoutlinedinthesoftshadows

thrownfromthelamp.Hergazeissoftandneedful,andIcupherchinintheVbetween

mythumbandforefinger,pinningherprettyvisageinposition.BeforeIknowit,mylips

arecrushingdownonhers,mytonguepartingthemandthrustingpastherteethtoexplore

anddevour.

Herarmssnakearoundmyneck,andtomineandmyever-growingarousal’s

satisfaction,sherespondstomyinvasionwithequalheat.Hertongueintertwineswith

mine,bothseekingandinvitingmedeeper,andit’saninvitationIcan’trefuse.My

rationalizationsofearlierareshottohell,andinablazeofblindexcitementmyfingersare

poppingthebuttononherwaistbandandpullingthezipper.

Quinn’smoansaretrappedinherthroatasourlipscontinuetoexplore,butshe

doesn’tresistasIslideherdenimshortsdownoverherhipstolandinaheaparoundher

ankles.Myhandslipsbetweenherhotthighstostrokethematerialofherpantiesthatare

alreadywetwitharousal.Herscentfillsmysenses,andI’mgone.

Longgone.

Inaflashmyownpantsareunzipped,mycockexposedandI’mloweringheronto

thesofa,grippingoneofhersexythighsinonehandsothatIlandinthesweetcradle

betweenherlegs.Mythrobbingdickrubsagainsthersoakedpanties,andmyhandsare

fullofherample,gorgeoustits,testingtheirripenesslikegrapefruitsatamarket.I’ve

deniedmyselfanyfemalecontactforsolongthatmybodyisinmutinyagainstmybrain,

unheedingandunstoppable.

Ipulluphershirtandpoptheconvenientfrontclosureofherlacybra,releasingher

deliciousheavingbreastswhichtumbleout,unfettered,intomyneedygrasp.

“Quinn,”ImurmurasImovetolickandsuckathernipplesthathaveturnedtostiff

spikesoffleshundermyministrations.

“Oh,Logan,”Ihearhervoicerespond,quiveringwithemotion.Herlegsarespread

andencirclingmeasIcontinueravagingherlovelytits,nippingandpluckingthenipples

withmyteeth.Ipulseagainstherwetpussywithmyhips,thethinlayerofhersilky

underweartheonlybarrierbetweenus.Itearmyselfawayfromheronlytodoawaywith

thislastobstacle,risinguptogriptheflimsymaterialandpullitaway.

Igazedownattheincrediblesightbeforeme—Quinn’stight,youthfulpussyspread

outinfullfemalegloryandherchestheavingupanddownwitheachexcitedbreath.Her

eyesaredarkandpleading,andherarmsrestlanguidlyoverherhead,surrenderingtome

completely.Herlonghairisspreadinagoldenswathacrossthecouchpillows,andmy

imprisonedbrainralliesonelastdesperateappealtomysenses.Ireachintomypocketfor

mywalletandthelong-forgottencondomthatstillhidesthere;GodknowswhyIeven

keptitallthistime.

AsIripthepackageopen,Quinnsucksinasudden,frightenedbreath.Ilookupto

seeherbitingherkiss-bruisedlowerlipinanunspokenquestion.

“Iwon’thurtyou,”Isay,mylust-hoarsenedvoicecuttingthroughthetenseair.“I

wantyou—I’llbegentle.Ifyoudon’twantthis,justsay.Nomeansno.”

“Idowantthis…”shewhispers,takingholdofmywrists.“But…Ineedtotell

you…I’veneverdonethisbefore.It’smyfirsttime…”

Mythoughtsfreeze,evenasmybodystillrageswithdesireforthisincredible

nymph.Thisbeautifulyounggoddess.Firsttime?Whatcollegestudentcouldstillclaim

thatinthisdayandage?Imaybeonfireforher,butdoIburnenoughtotakethiscrucial,

irreversiblestep?Takehervirginity…herinnocence?Iswallowbackthelumpoffuture

regretalreadyforminginmythroat.

“I’mgladyoutoldme,”Isay,pullingoutofhergrip.“Weshouldn’tdothis.”

“Don’tyouwantme?”shepleads,hereyespoolingwithtears.“Please…I’mtwenty-

two…IknowwhatI’mdoing.Idon’twanttobeavirginanymore.Iwantthis…with

you.Nooneelse.”

Ican’tresistherpleasanybetterthanIcanresistherluscious—anduntouched—

body.“OhQuinn,Iwantyoumorethananythingrightnow.Butyouhavetobesure.What

wedocan’tbeundone.”

Shenods.“Iknow.Iunderstand.Iwantyou,too.Please.Justthisonetime.Don’t

leavemelikethis.”

Myheartisswellingtothesameproportionsasmyaching,neglectedcock.She’s

offeringmeagiftthat’spreciousandrareandcan’tbereturned.Icaneitheracceptitwith

graceandappreciationorrejectitwithsomethinnotionofarroganceandproprietyandby

thattokenrejecther.Ican’tdothat.Iwon’t.

“Iwon’t,”Isaywithaslowshakeofmyhead.Irollthelubedlatexovermy

impatientmemberandleanoverheronceagain,placingmysheathedtipatherentrance.I

feelherlegsshakingastheyencloseme,andIknowshe’snervousinspiteofherconsent.

Ikissheragain,asoft,caringkisstoletherknowshe’ssafewithme.“I’vegotyou.Don’t

beafraid.I’lltakecareofyou,Quinn.”

IfeelsweetpressureasIpushforwardandbreachherouterlips.Quinnsucksina

deepbreath,andherlovelyeyesgowidelikeadeer’s.ForgivememysweetlittleBambi.I

knowitmusthurtalittle,andI’mnotasmallman.

“Easy…justrelax,”Iwhisper,penetratingherwithacalm,steadyadvance,adoring

everyinchofherslickinnerwallsastheygraduallyexpandandacceptme.God,she’s

tightasagunbarrelinhersleekuntriedyouthandI’mnearlylosingmymindwiththe

pleasureofit.

Isenseherrelax.Theworstisover,andnowIintendtoshowherthebest.Iwork

intoasteadyrhythm,withdrawingandthrustingforwardagain,buildingtheintensityand

thepace.She’spantinglikeawildanimal,herrapidbreathsraisingmyownexcitement

level.I’mballsdeepinsideofher,fillinghertothehiltanddeliveringahealthybumpto

herbuddingclitoriswitheachstroke.I’mclose,dangerouslyclose,butIwanttomakeher

comefirst,givehertheultimatepleasure.Avirgindeservesthat.

Herbreathsbecomehauntinglittlecries,callingoutinsyncwithmythrustsand

escalatingintomoansofwantonness.Iworrythatwe’llwakeRose,butIwon’tstopnow.

I’montheedgewhenshecallsmynamealoud,andIfeelherwallsconvulsingaroundmy

hardnessinlittlepulsesofrelease.

“Logan!Oh,God…Logan!”

I’mundoneatthedesperationinhervoice,andIleteverythinggo,comingwiththe

forceofahurricaneinsidethislittlevirginprizenamedQuinn.Mycockpumpswith

abandonuntilI’mweakenedandspent,andIcollapsegratefullyagainsther.MyGod,I

haven’tfeltthissatisfiedwithawomaninalongtime.Ifever.

Thesweetnessofthisvirginconquestisheart-wrenchinginitsintensity,andIdon’t

thinkIcaneverstopat“justonetime.”MygreedycockandIbothknowwewillwantthis

overandoveragain,andthepriceofmycarelesspassionmaybesteep.Butatthis

moment,Iwillgladlypayit.

ChapterSeven

Quinn

Something’sGottaGive

It’sthethirdtimethisweekI’vetoldmyfatherI’llbebabysittingRose,andIhope

he’sbuyingit.

“Hehasabusinesstorun,Dad,”Iexplainedwhenhecommentedonhowfrequently

I’dbeencalledovertowatchtheneighbor’slittlegirl.“Hehastomeetwithclientsand

attendmeetingsintheevenings.”

Heacceptedmystorybutnotwithoutgrumblingthatasinglefathershouldspend

moretimewithhischild.Iremindedhimthathewasn’taroundmucheitherwhenIwas

Rose’sage—webecameclosemostlyafterMompassedaway.Heapologizedandhasn’t

questionedmesince.Ihatelyingtomydad,butit’stheonlywaytospendtimeatLogan’s

withoutarousingsuspicion.

Sincethatnightwemadeloveonhiscouchalmostamonthago,we’vebeenseeing

eachotherinsecretnearlyeveryday.Ican’tgetenoughofhim;he’ssexyandexperienced

andisteachingmeallsortsofthingsthatI’dneverlearninaclassroomatASU.Inever

knewthereweresomanywaystohavesex—missionaryanddoggieandcowgirl;allof

thesewerenewtome,andeachonemoreexcitingthanthelast.Iespeciallylikedcowgirl,

andsometimesevenreversecowgirl,butIprefertoseehishandsomefacewhileIdoit.

Hepretendswe’reinarodeoandslapsmybuttasIridehimhard,mytitsbouncingupand

down,andIloveit.I’mgettingwetbetweenmylegsjustthinkingaboutit.

Igatherafewtextbooksandthingsinmybackpacktomakeitlookofficialbefore

headingnextdoor.Ihearvoicesoutside,andIlookoutthewindowtoseeLoganandmy

dadtalkingtoeachotheroverthefencebetweenouryards.Shit.Thisisnotgood.The

moretheytalk,themorelikelysomethingwillslipout,andLoganandIwillbefoundout.

ThethoughtofDadknowingthatIwashavingsexwithamanhisownageterrifiesme.I

don’twanttohurthim;I’mallhehasleftsincemymotherdied.Imoveclosertothe

windowtohearwhatthey’resaying.

“Yeah,justspreadsomefallfertilizeroverthelawnbeforeNovemberhits,andyou’ll

besurprisedhowgreenit’llpopupcomespring,”mydadsays.

“I’lldothat.Thanksforthetip,”Loganreplies.Ibreatheasighofreliefthatthe

conversationisonlyaboutgardening.

Ihurrydownstairsandoutthefrontdoor.Logan’spromisedtoshowmehowto

performtheperfectblowjobtonight,andIdon’twanttomissthelesson.Iringthe

doorbellafewtimes,sohecanhearitfromthebackyardandhaveanexcusetocutthe

chitchatwithFrederickVanderKempshort.

“Hi,”Logansaysasheopensthefrontdoor.

“Hi,”Isaywithasmile,andhepullsmeacrossthethresholdintohisarms.Hecloses

thedooragainandshovesmeupagainstitashekissesme,hard.Ihavetroublecatching

mybreathwithhisarduousonslaught.

“ThankGodyou’rehereatlast,”hegrowls,breakingourkiss.“I’vebeenhardallday

justthinkingaboutyou.”

“Haveyou?”Itease.“Youlookedmoreinterestedingettinggardeningtipsaminute

ago.”

“Frederick’sagoodguy.Icanseewhereyougetyoursmartsfrom,littleMiss

Masters.”

“Where’sRose?”Iask,lookingpasthimforthatlittlebrunettefireball.

Loganflashesawidegrin.“Ithoughtmaybewecoulduseachangeofscenery.Rose

hasgonetostaywithhergrandmatonight.Giveussometimetobealone.”Hewinks.

Ismileback,alittledisappointednottoseeRose,butwickedlypleasedhe’splanned

thistimealoneforus.“Ilikealonetimewithyou,”Isay,reachingdowntorubhiscrotch.

Icanfeelhishardcockthroughhisjeans,andalittlegroanleaveshislips.“Whatshallwe

dofirst?”

“Mmm,slowdown,cowgirl.We’regoingout.”

“Out?”Isayinsurprise.“Butyoupromisedtoinstructmeinsomethingspecial

tonight.”

“Iwill,”heanswers,liftingmyhandfromhisgroinandkissingmyknuckles.“But

waittilwegetthere,first.”

WegetintohistruckanddriveafewminutesintoGlendale,andpullintothe

entranceoftheGlendale9Drive-in.Ihaven’tbeentoadrive-inmoviesinceIwasakid,

andIstarttolaughathischoiceofvenue.

“Wecanwatchmoviesathome,”Isay.

Logansmiles.“Notlikethis.”

Ishrugandgoalongwithit.Afterpayingtheadmission,wedrivetothefarendof

therows,awayfromthemajorityoftheothercarsinthelot.“Hmm,notsuchagoodview

fromhere.”

“Oh,theviewisgoingtobejustfine,Iassureyou.Youdidn’tthinkwewereactually

goingtowatchamovie,didyou?”

“Hmm,wellthemovietheaterkindagavemeaclue,”Isay.Thesunsetsbehindthe

moviescreenandplungesusintosemi-darkness.Loganeasestheseatbacktogiveus

moreroom.

“C’monoverhere,starstudent,”hebeckons,turningsidewayssothathisbackis

againstthedriver’sdoor.HereachesformyhandandpullsmeacrossuntilI’mlyingon

mybelly,withmyfacenestledbetweenhislegs.“Ibelievethelessonwasonhowto

deliveratop-notchblowjob,alsoknownasfellatio.”

“Iknowtheterminology,teach,”Isay,smilingupathimfrommyposition.“Ijust

needfieldexperience.”

“Classisnowinsession,”hesays.“Openmyfly.”

Igetexcitedwhenhegivesmeorders,andImovetoobey.Myfingersdeftlypopthe

metalbuttononthewaistbandofhisjeansandpullthezipperopen.Histhickeningcock

formsadeliciousbulgebehindthematerialofhisboxers,andIwaiteagerlyforthenext

instruction.Loganreachesdowntofreeitfromitsconfines,anditspringstoattention

beforemyeyes.He’shuge,andImarvelatthesmooth,plum-shapedheadandtherippled

veinsstandingoutonhisswollenshaft.It’sasmagnificenttolookatasitfeelsinsideme

whenwefuck.

Inoticeashinybeadofliquidformingatthetip.

“Lickthatoffwiththetipofyourtongue,”hesays.Ileanforwardtoliftthelittle

jewelgentlyaway,tastingitssaltytextureonthetipofmytongue.Ilikeit.Ihearhimsigh

withpleasureashewatchesme.“Goodgirl.NowlickthesideslikeaPopsicle,niceand

slow.”

ItiltmyheadsothatIcanreachallfoursides,anddragmytongueslowlyuphis

length,wettingthetautskinwithmysaliva.Hiscockstiffensandlengthensevenfurther

asIdoso.

“Aah…”hegroans.“Perfect.Nowtaketheheadinyourmouthandsuckjustalittle,

baby.”

Iloveitwhenhecallsmebaby,andIthinkofDirtyDancingagain.I’meagerto

pleasehim,soIslidemylipsoverthedome-shapedtipandsuckitlikealollipop.

“God,babythat’sperfect.Don’tstop…”hesays,hisvoicegrowingrougher.He

threadshisfingersintomyhairasIsuck,gentlypullingonthestrandsuntilmyscalp

beginstosting.“You’redoinggreat,baby…nowdropyourtongueandtakeasmuchof

measyoucanintoyourmouth.”

Iopenmymouthwiderandrelaxmytongue,justashesaid.Hepushesmyhead

downward,forcingmoreofhimselfinsidemywarm,wetcave.It’sliketryingtoswallow

acucumberwhole,andmythroatbalksalittleasitreachesthebackofmytongue,butI

fightthereflexandconcentrateonthesensationofhisslickcockfillingmymouth.

Hestartstothrustgentlywithhiships,atthesametimeholdingmyheadfast,andI

realizeit’sjustlikefucking,onlywithmymouth.Itightenmylipsaroundhisshaft,

feelingtheridgesofveinsandstiffmuscleglidinginandout.Loganhasabigcock,but

incrediblyit’sswellingevenlargernow,andIwonderjusthowbigthismancanget.

Logangroans.“That’ssofuckinggood,baby…nowholditagainsttheroofofyour

mouthandsuckhard.”

HeliesstillwhileItrythis,slippingmytongueunderneathhisshaftandpressingit

upward,trappingthedelectableknobofheadinthedomedspaceatthetopofmymouth.I

suckitinaseriesofhardpulses,anditremindsmeoftryingtopulloneofthose

ridiculouslythickMcDonald’smilkshakesupthroughastraw.Ismileinwardlyatthissilly

comparison,buttheideaofconsumingLoganturnsmeonwithavengeance.

“God,baby…that’sit…”hemoans,hisbreathcominghardandfast.“Don’tstop…

I’mgonnacome,baby…soyoueitherhavetoswalloworletmecomeonyourface.”

Ican’tsayawordwithhisgiantcockinmymouth.IwanteverypreciousbitofhimI

canget,soIknowwhichoneI’llchoose.Hisbodytenses,andsuddenlyhiswarmseed

jetsintomewiththeforceofafirehose.Ipanicasthere’smoreliquidthanIcanswallow

allatonce.SomeofitescapesoutfromthecornersofmymouthasIstruggletotakeitall

in.

“Holyfuck…”Ihearhimalmostshoutintothesteamyairthat’sfilledthecab.

Isuckandswallowuntilhisflowebbs,andhisbeautifulcockrelaxes.Ilickthelast

remnantsofcumfromthesidesandthengentlykissthetipofit.Hischestrumbleswith

satisfiedlaughter,andhestrokesmyhair,slippingthelongstrandsthroughhisfingers.

“Thatwasfuckingawesome,”hesays.“You’lldefinitelyearnaMaster’sinfellatio.”

“DoIgetagoodgrade,coach?”Itease.

“FuckingA-plus,honey.Withhonors.”

“Youtastelikesugarandsaltatthesametime,”Isay,asthoughnotingtheresultsof

alabexperiment.IsupposeI’llneverlosethehabitofanalyzingandrecordingmy

observations.

Loganchuckles.“Isthatright?Doyouknowwhatyoutastelike?”

“HowcanIknowthat?”Iblushslightly.Tastemyself?Howwasthatpossible?

Hesmilesandstraightensfromhisslouchingposition.“Well,whydon’tyoutake

yourpantiesoffandI’llshowyou.”

I’vetakentowearingskirtsonmy“babysitting”nightsasitmakesthingsmuch

quickerandeasier.

“Yes,sir,”Isay,grinning.HewatcheswithhungryeyesasIkneelontheseatand

reachupundermyskirt.Ipullmyskimpythongslowlydownmythighs,thensitbackto

slipitandmyskirtoffmylegscompletelyandtossthemonthefloorofthecab.Logan

letsoutalowgrowlandpushesmedownonmyback.

“I’mgonnaeatyouup,girl.”Heplaceseachofmyfeetonhisshoulders,andIshiver

inanticipation,mywetpussyexposedtotheair.Helowershisheadbetweenmythighs,

andImoaninecstasyashepartsthecurlsofmypubichairandhistonguefindsmy

precious,needybud.InstinctivelyIspreadmykneeswideraparttogivehimaccess.

I’mnearlyundonealreadywiththefirstfewpassesofhistongueacrossmyclit.I

takeholdofhishairthesamewayhedidmine,feelingitsluxuriousthicknessbetweenmy

fingers.Heburieshisfaceinmywetness,hislips,nose,andtongueallvyingfortheir

portionofmypussymeal.Myclitisthrobbingashenudgesandwiggles,thesensationsa

thousandtimesmorepowerfulthanthesimpleproddingofmyownhand.Ican’thold

backanothersecond.InearlypullhishairoutasIsurrendertoorgasmwithawailingcry,

“Logan…!”

Hislipsclosearoundmybud,suckinggentlyasIrideoutthewavesofecstasy.The

nextthingIknow,he’sleaningoverme,ourlipshoveringjustmillimetersapart.

“Here’showyoutastetome,”hewhispers,thensmothersmewithasearingkiss,my

juicescoatingbothourfaces.I’veneverfeltanythingsowildlyeroticasourlipsslipand

slideintheslickproductofmyarousal.IknowI’llneverwantanothermanafterLogan.

He’sspoiledmeforeveryothermaleonEarth.IthinkIlovehim,butdon’tdaretellhim

so.

Darknesshasfallenaswelietogetherontheseatofhistruckinsilence,our

combinedbreathingcloudingupeveryinchofwindshield.Themoviehasstartedand

illuminatesblurrypatchesoflightthroughthemistedglassasitflickers.Ihavenoidea

what’splayingandcareevenless.AllthatmattersisthemanI’mwithandthepowerful

feelingshestirsinme.Iwanttoknoweverythingabouthim,notjusthisbody,asstellaras

itis.Idon’twanttheretobeanysecretsbetweenus.

“Logan,”Iwhisper.

“What,honey.”

“WhathappenedtoRose’smother?”

He’ssilentforalongmoment,whichtellsmealot,knowingwhatIknowabout

humanbehavior.Clearlyasubjecthe’suncomfortablewith,butIneedtoknow.

“She’snotinthepicture,Quinn.”

“Icanseethat.Butwhy?Iknowit’snoneofmybusinessbut…”

“Sheleft,”Logansaysquickly,asthoughtoputanendtotheconversationbeforeit

evenbegins.“NotlongafterRosewasborn.”

“Oh,”Isay,feelingsnubbedbyhisterseanswer.NowI’mcertainthehistoryisn’ta

goodone,butit’shurtfulforhimtoshutmeoutlikethis.Hemustrealizethebigger

questionathand,andwhyIneedtoaskit.“Didyouhaveadifficultdivorce?”

“Wewerenevermarried,”hesays,raisinghishead.“I’veneverbeenmarried—if

that’swhatyou’regettingat.”

“Partly,”Iadmit.“IguessIjustfeelsadthatRosedoesn’thavehermomaround.”

Again,hefallssilentforalongmoment.

“Wedojustfinewithouther,”hefinallysays.

Ihearthedefensivenessinhisvoice,andthepsychologistinmerisesagain.“Sounds

likeshemusthavehurtyouverymuch.”

“Jolenedidn’twantkids.Wedidn’tplanit.Rosecamealongbeforeweknewit.Then

shetookoff.Endofstory.”

Iwinceinside;hearinganamemakesheralltooreal.Jolene.Ican’timaginewhy

anywomanwouldabandonherownchild,orthiswonderfulmanholdingmecloseinhis

arms.

“Sheleftyoujustlikethat?Withanewbornbaby?Oh,Logan,I’msosorry.That

musthavebeenawfulforyou.”

“Trustme,itwasagoodthing.Shewasanaddict.Shelovedaneedleandabottle

morethanshelovedeitherofus.”

“Ican’timagineyouwithsomeonelikethat,”Isay,myheartbreakingforhim.“And

she’snevertriedtomakecontact?”

“Notuntilrecently.Shewentintorehabandclaimstobereformed,butI’mnot

buyingit.There’snowayI’llallowhertoseeRose.”

“Itmaynotbeuptoyou,Logan.Ifshegoestothecourts,shemayhaverights.”

“Idon’tgiveadamnaboutherrights,”hereplies,raisinghisvoice.“AsfarasI’m

concernedsheforfeitedanyrightswhensheturnedherbackonus.”

He’sangryandhurt,andIwanttohelphim.It’swhatI’vestudiedandtrainedforall

theseyears.“It’shardtobelievethatanymothercouldturnherbackonherownchild.But

ithappens.Youcan’tblameyourself.”

“Huh.Seemstohappenalotinmyfamily,”Loganscoffs.“Ididjustfinewithouta

mothermostofmylife.AndRosewill,too.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Iask,puzzled.“Youhaveamother…isn’tRosestayingwith

yourmomrightnow?”

Logansighsandpinchesthebridgeofhisnoseasthoughhe’sdevelopingaheadache.

“Yes.ButsheonlycamebackintoourlivesafterRosewasborn.Afterthirtyyearsof

buggeringoffonme,shesuddenlyshetookaninterestinchild-rearingwhenshelearned

shehadagranddaughter.Gofigure.”

ThepainthatLogan’shiddeninsidehimselfisoverwhelmingandmyheartachesfor

him.Tohavebeensobetrayedbytheverypeoplethatshouldloveyouthemost.“What

aboutyourdad?Areyouintouchwithhim?”

“Myfather,”Logansaysslowly,“…wasshotandkilledinastreetfightwhenIwas

tenyearsold.That’swhenmymomranoff—shecouldn’thandlehisdeathorthefactthat

Iremindedherofhim.Beenprettymuchonmyownsincethen.ImetJoleneinagroup

homeafewyearslater.Wewerebothmoreorlessorphans,sowestucktogetherfor

awhile.Therestishistory.”

Bynowmymindisreeling,shockedattheterriblerevelationsthathe’ssharingwith

me.I’mintears,andIwanttotakeallhispainaway;showhimthatthere’ssomeonehe

canbelieveinandtrust.

“I’msorry.Ishouldn’thaveasked…”Ichokebackasob.“Forgiveme.”

Loganpullsusbothtositupandcradlesmeinhisarms,thoughitshouldbeme

comfortinghim.Iburymyfaceinthesoftflannelofhisshirt,crying.

“Shhh…it’salright,”hewhispers.“Can’tchangethepast.I’dratherlooktothe

future.Andyou’vegotyourwholefutureaheadofyou.I’msureit’sgoingtobeabright

one.”

Hiswordssoundlikehedoesn’tplanonbeingaroundtoseeit,andthethoughtofa

futurewithouthimcutsthroughmyheartlikeaknife.IhavetotellhimhowIfeel.

“Logan,”Isay,liftingmytear-trackedfacetomeethis.“Iloveyou.Iwantyoutobe

myfuture.”

ChapterEight

Logan

ThiswasaBadIdea

IrestmychinonherheadasIstrokeQuinn’ssoftblondehair.Ithinkofhersilky

skinandjuicytitsandeagerpussythatI’veplunderedrelentlesslyforalltheseweeks,and

I’mparalyzedwithguilt.It’sdriventhroughmyspinelikeasteelrodandpinnedmetothe

groundwiththreesimplewords.

Iloveyou.

Shecan’tpossiblyunderstandthemeaningofreallove.Hell,Idon’tevenknowifI

understandit.Ican’tsaythatI’veeverknownit,orgivenit.Herwordsarethoseofan

impressionable,love-struckgirlwho’sbeenseduced—byanidea,byasadstory,andbya

carelessmanoldenoughtoknowbetter.Oldenoughtobeherfather.MygutstwistasI

pictureFrederick—happilydispensingadviceandfriendshipoverawoodenfence,

blissfullyignoranttothefactI’mdefilinghisbeautifuldaughterpracticallyunderhisnose.

Thishasgonetoofar.Revealingmypatheticpastwasjustthelatestmistakeinalong

lineofmistakes.It’striggeredQuinn’scompassionandafalsesenseofintimacy,andit

hastostoprightnow.Forherowngood.Thatbrightfuturecan’tbedraggeddownbyan

emotionallydamagedpieceofbaggagelikeme.WhatwasIthinkingtakingupwitha

womanhalfmyageanyway?That’smyproblem.Thinkingwithmyglandsinsteadofmy

brain.

IgazeoutthedarkenedwindowsofmytruckandrealizeIhaven’tansweredher.

She’swaitingtohearthesamewordsinreturn,andIcan’tgivethemtoher.

“God,you’resweet,”Isay,andIkissthetopofherhead.“Idon’tdeserveyou.”

Quinnsnugglescloserandsqueezesmetight.Ihopethat’senoughofananswerfornow,

butI’llhavetotellherthetruthsoonerorlater.Thatit’sdone.Over.Andshe’llhateme

forit.

“Canwegobacktoyourplacenow?”sheasks.“Sincewehaveitalltoourselves…I

wanttogotobedwithyou.”

“Goodidea,”Isay,notbecauseit’sagoodideabutbecauseIneedtogetusoutof

hereandbacktotherealworld.We’vebeenstuckinafantasyfartoolongalready,and

there’snoroomforfairytalesinreallife.

ShesearchesthefloorforherdiscardedpantiesandskirtasIstarttheengine,andI’m

alreadyrehearsingthepainfulwordsI’llneedtosaytoherinmymind.She’llbefurious,

andRosewillbeheartbroken.She’sgottenveryattachedtoQuinn,butitwouldbejusttoo

awkwardtohaveherbabysitanymoreunderthecircumstances.

Quinnsettlesagainstmeaswedrivehome,andIacheinsideknowingwhatI’vedone

toherandthatI’llneverfeelherwarmthorherkissesagain.ThefactIhavetobreakitoff

doesn’tmeanIwon’tmissher.OursexhasbeenincrediblebecauseI’vetaughther

everythingsheknows;moldedherintomyownprivatetemplevirgin.I’veruinedher,and

forthat,Ifeelguiltiestofall.

“It’sgoodthatyou’repatchingthingsupwithyourmom,”Quinnsaysoutoftheblue.

“SothatRosecanknowhergrandma.Ididn’tknowmine.”

“Meneither.”Thequestiontakesmebysurprise.Ibarelyknewmyownparents,

muchlessgrandparents.IfIhadany,theycertainlynevercamearound.Idon’treallywant

totalkaboutit,andI’vealreadytoldhermorethanIwantedtoaboutmyshittychildhood.

“You’venevermentionedyourmother,”Iadd,notwantingtoprybutseeingan

opportunitytochangethesubject.

“Shedied.Inacaraccidenttwoyearsago.”

Shit.“Oh,I’msorry.Wereyouclose?”

“Very.Shewaskindandbeautiful.Wemissherverymuch.”

Idon’tdoubtitifshe’sanythinglikeherdaughter.“Soundslikeyouhavesomegood

memories.That’smorethanIcansay.”

“Youcanstillhavegoodmemoriesifyoutry.”Quinnlooksupatme.“Youshould

try,notjustforRose’ssake,butforyourown.Beforeit’stoolate.Youneverknowhow

muchtimeyouhave.”

WerideinsilencetherestofthewaybacktoScottsdale,herprofoundwords

puncturingtheself-madearmoraroundmytorturedsoul.She’sright,butI’mstilltoo

stubborntojustforgiveandforget.Quinnmaybeyoungandinexperienced,butshehasa

biggerheartthanI’lleverhopetohave.Iknowshe’llbeagreatmothersomedayforsome

luckychild.LuckierthanRoseorme.

Iturnontoourstreet,andmypulsequickensattheunsettlingsightofstrobelights

fromapolicecruiserupahead.Quinnseesthemtooandstraightensherselfforabetter

look.

“Iwonderwhat’sgoingonupthere?”shesays.

Aswegetnearer,mystomachdropsintomytoeswhenIrealizeit’sparkedinfront

ofmyhouse.“Whatthefuck…”Iswearundermybreath.

“OhmyGod,there’smydad.”Quinncupsherhandstohermouthinhorror.

Ipullover,andnotonlyisFrederickstandingonmylawntalkingtothecopsbutLila

aswell.“Andthere’smymother,”Isay,equallyfreakedout.WherethehellisRose?!my

panickedmindscreams.Thelightsareoninsidethehouse,andthedooriswideopen.I

jumpoutofthetruckandmakeabeelineforLila.FrederickspotsQuinngetoutofthe

passengersideandmovesofftointercepther.He’sgoingtobefurious,butIcan’tget

involvedinthataltercationrightnow.

“Where’sRose?”Ishout.Lilaturns,andwithawaveofrelief,Iseeshe’sholding

Rosebundledupinablanket,half-asleep.

“Oh,Logan,thankGodyou’rehere,”Lilacries.

“What’sgoingon?Whydidn’tyouphoneme?”

“Idid.Itwenttovoicemail,”shesaysdefensively.

Iswearandgrabthecellphonefrommypocket.Deadasabrick.Fuck.“Whatthe

hellisgoingon?”Iaskthecop.

“Sir,there’sbeenabreakandenter.Yourneighborwitnesseditandcalledusto

investigate,”theyoungconstableexplains.“Whoeveritwashasleftthescene.Awindow

wasbroken,butnootherapparentdamage.Ifanything’sbeenstolen,makesureyoureport

ittousimmediately.”IlookoveratFrederick,whoisquestioningQuinnoverontheirside

ofthelawn.Shit.Hethoughtshewasbabysitting.We’resprungforsure,andIhopehe

doesn’townashotgun.

“ItwasJolene,”Lilapipesup.“Shecametomyplace,demandingtoseeRose.She

wasfuriousthatyou’dmovedbutstillhadmyaddress.LuckilyRosewasalreadyinbed,

soItoldherIdidn’tknowwhereshewasandaskedhertoleave.She’scrazy,Logan.Her

eyeswerewild,andshewasscreamingherheadoff.”

“Thatdoesn’tsurpriseme.Buthowdidshefindthehouse?Youdidn’tgiveherthis

addressdidyou?”Iasked,myvoicerisinginconcern.Lila’smouthwaseasilyloosened

withafewglassesofwine,butsurelyshewouldn’tbedrinkingwhenshehadRoseinher

care?SheknowsI’drevokethegrandmacardinaheartbeatifshedid.

“No.”Lilashakesherheademphatically.“Buttherewasapileofmailbythedoor

thatI’dcollectedfromyouroldplace.I’dreaddresseditalland…shegrabbeditandran

off.I’msosorry…Ihadnoideashe’dturnup.”

“Ofcourseyoudidn’t.”Howcouldshe?I’dnevereventoldherJolenewasoutof

rehab.ItakeRosefromher,asleepywhineissuingfrominsidetheblankets.

“IgotRoseupanddroveoverhere.IwasafraidJolenewouldsetthehouseonfireor

something,”Lilacontinued.

Iwouldn’thaveputitpasther.Inspiteofthemessyoutcome,Lilahadmadeagood

call.“Lookslikeeverything’sokay.Don’tworryaboutit.Yougoonhome,I’llputRoseto

bed.”Iturntotheofficer.“Thanksforyourhelp.I’llbesuretocallifanythingis

missing.”

“Goodnight,sir,”thecopsaysandreturnstohiscruiser.

Lilawringsherhands,clearlydistressedbythewholeordeal.“Screweduponmy

firsttryasagrandma.I’msosorry,son.”

Son.She’snevercalledmethat,andI’mnotsureIwanthertostart.Choosingbooze

andherlowlifeloversovermefornearlythreedecadeshasn’tearnedherthatprivilege.

I’vebeencallingherbyherfirstnameforaslongasIcanremember.Butshe’strying,and

I’dratherhaveherinmydaughter’slifethanwhacked-outJolene.

“You’llgivemeanotherchance,won’tyou?”sheasksanxiously.

Youneverknowhowmuchtimeyouhave.“I’llcallyoutomorrow,”Isay.

“Goodnight,Lila.”

Lilagivesmearelievedsmile.“Goodnight,Logan.”

Iturnawayandstarttowardthehouse,thefirstseedsofforgivenessbeginningto

sprout.Ihavetostartsomewhere.ButasIseeQuinnandherdadstillarguing,myguilt

meterspikesoffthechart,bringingmebacktoreality.I’minvolvedwhetherIlikeitor

not,soIwalktowardthepairofthemtosetthestorystraight,andatleastthanktheman

forcallingthepolice.

“Frederick,”Isaywithanod.“Thanksforcallingthecops.Whatdidyousee?”

FrederickVanderKempturnshisslightlyhollowed,reddenedeyesonme.Fora

secondIthinkhe’sgoingtopunchmylightsout.He’sgoteveryrightto,butIdon’tthink

he’lldoitwithasmallchildinmyarms.

“Iwasreading,andhappenedtolookoutthewindowjustintimetoseesomewoman

tryingtobreakintoyourhouse—kickingatthedoorandshouting,”hesnaps.“Ithought

Quinnwasinthere—sinceshe’dtoldmeshewasbabysittingtonight.Whentheladyputa

rockthroughyourwindow,Ifearedfortheirsafetyandcalledthepolice.Youcanimagine

Iwasupsettofindnoonehome.”

“Rosewasathergrandmother’s.I’msorryforthedisturbance,”Iapologize,then

lookdirectlyatQuinn.IsshegoingtotellhimoramI?

“I’msorryIworriedyouDad,howmanytimescanIsayit?”Quinnpleadsto

Frederick.“IshouldhavecalledyouwhenIgottothelibrary.”Sheturnstomeandmeets

mygaze.“Thankyouforstoppingtogivemealift,Mr.Brenner.Itwassillyofmetoget

mybabysittingdatesmixedup.ButIcertainlyneededtheextrastudytime.I’msoglad

yousawmewalkinghome.”

She’sliedtohim.Idoamentalre-runofwhatshe’sjustsaid.Shecametomyhouse,

foundoutshewasn’tneeded,wenttothelibrary,Isawherwalkinghome,Igaveheralift.

Completelyuntrue,butplausible.IhatedeceivingthemanbuthavetogiveQuinncredit

forthinkingonherfeet.Underthecircumstances,I’llletitride.Thisnight’shadenough

truth-or-consequences.

Rosestirsinsideherblanketandstartstowhimper.Ineedtogetherinside.

“Anytime,Quinn,”Isay,validatingherlieforthetimebeing.Inoticehervisibly

relaxandshootmeasilentthankyou.

“Imetyourmother,”Fredericksays.“Shesaiditwasyourex-wifethattriedtobreak

in.Perhapsyoushouldconsidergettingarestrainingorder.”

“Goodadvice.I’lllookintothat,”Isay,nodding.It’slate,andI’mdoneexplaining

mycomplicatedlifeanyfurther,toherorherfather.Ex-wife.IlookintoQuinn’seyesand

seetheunspokenaccusationthere.I’dtoldherthetruthaboutJoleneandme.Itwasjust

Lila’swayoflegitimizingthingsbyusingthatterm.Ifshedidn’tbelieveme,itdidn’t

matter.She’llhaveenoughreasonstohatemeasitis.“Ifyou’llbothexcuseme,Ihaveto

putthisyoungladytobed.We’veallhadenoughexcitementforoneday.Goodnight.”

ChapterNine

Quinn

TheTruthHurts

Myfingersarecoldfromhoursofworkingmymouseoverthepadnexttomylaptop.

Dadtoldmemonthsagotogoaheadandbuyanergonomiccomputerdeskandchair,butI

nevergotaroundtoit.Theawkwardangleofmywristonaflattabletopmakesmyhand

gonumb.Igiveitashakeandslideitundermykneeforafewsecondstowarmandbring

somebloodbackintoit.

IfeellikeI’vebeenchainedtothedamncomputerallweek,buryingmyselfinmy

studiestoavoidthinkingaboutanythingelse.Becausethatanythingelsetendstoalways

beLoganBrenner.

Ihaven’tspokentohimsincethenightofthebreak-in,andI’mfeelingsickover

whathappened.IsquirmwithguiltatthephonystoryItoldmydad,butthankgoodness

Loganwentalongwithittokeepoursecretsafe.ButIworryaboutthisJolenewhois

crazyenoughtobreakintohishouse.AreLoganandRoseokay?DidJolenedosomething

worsethanbreakingawindow?DidshestealRose’sthingsandthey’vejustbeentoobusy

dealingwithittocallme?Shesoundslikeahorribleperson,andIcan’tunderstandhow

Logancouldhavehookedupwithawomanlikethat.He’dsaidtheynevermarriedandI

believehim.

ButIhavenoanswerstomyquestionsbecausehewon’ttalktome.Whenhedidn’t

callmethenextday,Ipanickedandwenttohishouse.Iknocked,butnoonecametothe

door.I’vetriedcallinghim,butonlygethisvoicemail.Ican’tseemtocatchhimathome;

eachtimehistruckpullsupoutfront,itseemstodisappearjustmomentslater.Ihaven’t

seenRoseeithersinceIhaven’tbeenaskedtobabysit—thathurtsmostofall.

Everything’samess,includingmyhead.Allmystudiesofthehumanpsyche,of

behavioralbaselines,brainchemicals,andmentalstates,wantsandneedsasdefinedby

Maslow’sPyramid,can’thelpmemakesenseofmyownsituation.Whyishedoingthis?

HaveIdonesomethingwrong?Idideverythingexactlythewayhetoldme—howcouldit

bewrong?EachpassingdaywithoutcontactmakesmefeellikeI’mdyinginside.Itold

himIlovedhim;didn’tthatmeananythingtohim?

IthinkbacktowhatIsaidtoRochelle—howI’dworriedaboutbeingjustanobject,a

one-night-stand.IthoughtLoganwasdifferentthanthosehornycollegeguys.Coulda

manmakeaone-nighterextendtoalmosttwomonthsofnearlyconstantsex?Andthen

justturnhisfeelingsofflikealightswitch?No,Ican’tmakemyselfbelieveit.Iwon’t

believeit.Humanemotionsjustdon’tworkthatway.

Unless…oh,no.Itrynottolettheideatakeshape,butitformsinmyheadanyway,

likeasquirtofinkdroppedinthepoolofmythoughtsandspreadingdarklyoutward.

WhatifJolenehascomeback?Nottoharasshim,buttobegLogantogiveheranother

chance,reconcileforthesakeoftheirdaughter?Toldhimshestilllovedhim?Maybehe

stilllovesherdeepdown—hisharshwordsagainsthermerelyadefensivemaskto

concealhisownpain.Aclassicmaneuverthatwasdefinitelywritteninmypsychology

textbooks.

Ipicturethewoman,thoughI’veneverseenher,onherkneespleadingtearfullywith

himtoforgiveher,andmygutstwistviolently.BecauseIknowLoganisakindenough

mantodoit.He’lldoanythingforRose.

Ipushawayfromthetable,knockingmychairoverasIruntothebathroom.Ibarely

makeittothetoiletbeforeIthrowup,bitterbilescorchingmythroatasitspewsoutofmy

mouthandsplashesintothebowl.Thehideoussoundofithittingthewatermakesme

retchasecondtime,thoughnothingcomesout.

God,Ifeelawful.Imustbecomingdownwithsomething;therearecertainlyenough

coldsandflugoingaroundonacampusaslargeasASU.ButIknowmymiseryisreally

ofmyownmaking—myfeelingsforLoganthatI’veletconsumemyeverywaking

moment.I’veneverhadarelationshiplikethisbefore,soIdon’tknowwhattosayorhow

toact.Ifeelusedandlostandempty.Isthiswhatloveissupposedtofeellike?Ifso,it’s

horrible.It’sdefinitelynotrosesandrainbowsandunicorns.MaybeIdon’tknowwhat

loveis,afterall.

Icrawltothesinkandcleanmyselfupbybrushingmyteethtoscrubthefoultaste

frommymouth.IfeelexhaustedanddecideIshouldflopontomybedandtakeanap,for

justafewminutesofblissfulunconsciousnesswhereIdon’thavetothinkaboutanything.

ButthenIhearthesoundofanengineoutside.Ilookoutthewindow,andmyheartdoesa

backflipwhenIseeLogan’struckpulluptothecurb.Ihavetotalktohim,andthismight

bemyonlychance.

Iracedownthestairsandoutthefrontdoor.I’mbarefoot,butIdon’tcarethatthe

lawnispricklyorthesidewalkgritty.Ionlycareaboutseeinghim.

“Logan!”Icrybreathlessly,runningtowardhim.IpracticallyslamintohimlikeRose

doeswhenhecomeshomefrombeingout,andthrowmyarmsaroundhisneck.Myeyes

stingasIholdbackthetearsthathavebeengatheringallweek,waitingtofinallyfeelthe

warmthofhisbodyagainstmineagain.

“Logan,”Isayagain,myvoicechoked.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Iwanttomeltinto

him,becomepartofhim.

Butinsteadofthefirm,securecircleofhisembrace,Ifeelhishandsonmywrists,

pryingmyarmsloose.

“Quinn,calmdown,”hesays,bringingmyhandsdowninfrontofhischest.“What’s

wrong?”

Hisvoicesoundsflat,emotionless,andIsearchhiseyesforsomeexplanation.His

coolhazelstaresendsachilldownmyspine.

“What’swrong?”Icry.“Whyhaven’tyoucalledme?Orreturnedmycalls?Or

answeredyourdoor?IwassoworriedaboutyouandRoseafterthebreak-in.”

“Shh…don’tshout.Someonewillhearyou.”

Hedropsmyhandsandstepsaway,andIdon’tunderstandwhat’sgoingon.“Idon’t

care!”Isay.“Don’tshutmeoutlikethis.Please,Logan…Iloveyou.”

“Loweryourvoice,”henearlygrowls,glancinginalldirections.“Comeinsidebefore

yousayanythingelse.”Hewalkstohisfrontdoorandopensitwithoutlookingback.The

strangenessofhisvoicefrightensme,andIstarttotremble;it’snotlikehimatall.My

insideswrithelikeanestofsnakesasIfollowhimnumblyuptheporchstepsandintothe

house.

Heclosesthedoorbehindmeandleansagainstitwithoneoutstretchedarm.He

looksassternasoneofmyprofessors,butnoneofmyprofessorsarethishandsomeor

makemewanttokisshimalloverinspiteofhissurlyexpression.

“Where’sRose?”Iask,hopingtobreakthetension.Somethingisverywronghere,

andI’mafraidtofindoutwhatitis.

“She’satdaycare.Ifoundagoodoneawhilebackbuthadtowaitafewweekstoget

herin.Shelovesit,”hesaysmatter-of-factly,intimatingthatRosenolongerhasneedof

myservices.

Ishakemyheadslowly.“Whyareyoudoingthis,Logan?Beingsodistantand…”I

can’tfindthewordsIwanttosay.I’mconfusedandhurt.

“Quinn,listentome.I’mnotsayingithasn’tbeenfun.You’reanincrediblegirl,you

reallyare.YoumakemewantyoulikeI’veneverwantedanyonebefore.Butthis…”He

gesturesbetweenuswithhisfreehand.“Thisiswrong,youandme.Onsomanylevels,

nottheleastofwhichisRose.She’sveryimpressionableatherage.”

“She’sfour,”Isay,thepsychologistinmepushingthroughmytears.“Allshewants

isamotherfigureinherlife.Hasn’tshebeenaskingforme?”

Logansighsinexasperation.“That’sjustit.She’sgettingtooattachedtoyou,and

you’renotmucholderthansheis.You’remorelikeabigsister.I’msorrytobeblunt,butI

can’tbebangingthebigsister,orthebabysitter,infrontofher.”

I’mtakenabackbyhishurtfulandindelicatewords;Ican’tbelieveI’mhearingthem.

“IsthatallIamtoyou,a…abang?”Iknowmymouthishangingopen,andtearsare

spillingdownmycheeks,butIwanthimtoseeit.Seewhathe’sdoingtome;apartofme

hopeshe’sjustsayingtheseawfulwordsoutofdefensesothatI’llgetangryandgoaway.

ButI’mwaypastangry.I’mdevastated.

“Quinn,I’veenjoyedourtimetogether.Ithoughtyoudidtoo.Butithastostop.I’m

twiceyourage,andIfeellikeadirtyoldmaneverytimeFrederickspeakstome.Think

aboutit…wherecanthisrelationshipgowithyouandyourgoddamnfatherlivingnext

door?Plus,Iworkallthetime,Ihavetoprotectandraisemyowndaughter,andwith

JolenesneakingaroundandtryingtoinfiltrateourlivesagainIjustdon’tneedanymore

complications.I’vegotenoughonmyplate.”

Itrytofocusonhisbeautifulhazeleyes;theonesthatalwaysheldasexytwinklefor

mebuthavenowgonedark.Asdarkasmyworldfeelsrightnow.

“NowI’macomplicationaswellasabang?”Isqueak,nearlychokingonthewords.

IthinkImightthrowupagain.“Howcanyoukissmeandholdmeandmakelovetome

andthenstandthereandsayitwasalla…complication!Alie!”Iscream,backingaway

fromhim.

“You’rehysterical,”hesays,reachingouttotakeholdofmyshoulders.“Ineversaid

itwasalie.ButIalsoneverpromiseditwouldgoanywhere—becomesomethingmore

thanitwas.Didn’tyouenjoyit,too?Itwasgreat,reallygreathoney,butit’sover.You’ve

gotyourwholelifeaheadofyou,Quinn.Trustme,you’llthankmeforthissomeday.”

“Trustyou,”Ihissed.“Ididtrustyou…IthoughtIlovedyou!”Isweephishandsoff

mewithbotharmsandreachforthedoorknob.Iturntofacehimonelasttime,myhair

swirlingaboutmyshoulders.“ButnowIknowbetter.Ihateyou.IwishI’dnevermetyou,

LoganBrenner.”

Itwisttheknobandrunout,mysobscarryingoutontothestreet,andIdon’tcare

whohearsthem.

ChapterTen

Logan

ForGood

Fuck.Thatcouldhavegonebetter.

Iwatch,helpless,asQuinnstormsacrossthelawnandoutofmylife.Igriptheedge

ofthedoorthatnearlynailedmeintheheadassheflungitwide.Evenifithadconnected,

itcouldn’thavehurtmemorethanIalreadyacheinside.Aknifetothegutwouldhave

beenkinder.Butsomethingshavetobedoneforthegreatergood.ForQuinn’sowngood.

Ishouldhavetoldheritwasoverthatnightatthedrive-in,andIwouldhaveifnot

forJolene’scrazystunt.Inthepastweek,I’vebeenbusyarrangingdaycare,fillingout

insuranceclaimsandlookingintogettingarestrainingorder;allthingsthatwere

necessaryandhadthebonuseffectoftakingmymindoffthelittleblondegoddessnext

door.Theonewhohauntsmydreamseverynightandleavesmewitharaginghard-on

whenIwake.Iknowthevisionofherlusciouscurvesandthetasteofhersweetlipswill

bebrandedontomysoulforever.

Damn.LettinghergoisthehardestthingI’veeverdone,andI’velivedahardlife.

Seencruel,unspeakablethingsindarkalleysanddrughousesthatwouldscarmostpeople

forlife.ButQuinnVanderKemphasalreadyleftascaronmyheartthatIknowwillnever

heal.

InmyfortyyearsonthisEarth,I’vehadplentyofpracticeintougheningupand

movingon.WhatdidQuinnhave?Whatdefenseagainstthecareless,unthinkingassault

onheremotionsandherinnocencebyamanwholethisdickleadhimaroundlikea

witlesspuppy?Amanwhoshouldknowbetter.God,I’msuchashit.Thesoul-crushing

thoughtofmyownlittlegirlbeingseducedoneday,inthesamemanner,makesmewant

todieinside.Butifthemanwhodidittrulylovedher,andshehim,wouldthatmakeit

alright?Doesafatherreallyhaveanysayorcontrolinthematter?IfeelbadforFrederick

asmuchasmyself.

IneverintendedtohurtQuinn.Ineverwantedanythingexcepttogiveusbothalittle

pleasure.Icouldn’tresistthefreshnessofherface,thebeautyofheryoungbody,andthe

sharpnessofhermind.She’doffereditalltomewithouthesitation,andItookit.Allofit.

Shewasthebreadoflifetoastarvingmanwhodidn’tevenrealizehewasstarving.AndI

stillhungerforhernomatterhowmuchIdenyit;nomatterhowmuchIsayit’swrong.

Shesaidshelovesme.IknowRoselovesher.Ican’tsayIknowwhatbeinginlove

feelslike.EveryoneIthoughtIlovedabandonedme.MaybeI’mincapableofloving

anyoneexceptmydaughter.ButdeepdownIthinkI’vesentQuinnawaybecausewhat

I’mfeelingrightnowseemsdamnclosetolove—andifthat’strue,shemightleaveme

too,likealltherest.Thisway,I’mtheonedoingtheleaving.NoonecanleavemeifI

leavethemfirst.

Thememoryofthathorrible,hollowsensationcomesbacktomeinfullforce;the

oneIneverwanttoexperienceagain.Thefeelingthatthewholeworldhastiltedsideways

likeatorpedoedshipandisspillingmeoffthedeckintothefreezingwatersofthe

unknown.Rudderlessandblind,withnosenseofdirection.

Ifeltitinthedaysrightaftermydadwaskilled.Ididnothingbuthideinmyroom,

afraidthatwhoevergothimwouldcomeformenext.Iwasjustadumb-asskid,withno

lifeskillsorcopingmechanisms,andtheonlypersonIcouldturntocouldn’tevenlookat

mewithoutcryinganddrowningherselfinabottle.Onedayshecriedherselfrightoutof

thehouseandnevercameback.

IfeltitagainasIheldanewbornRoseinmyarms;atiny,screaming,squirming

bundleofhumanitythatIhadnoideawhattodowithorhowtocarefor.Hercriespierced

myearsandrippedmyheart.TherestofmewentnumbasJolenerailedandcursed,in

oneofhertypicalwithdrawalrages,scatteringeverythingwithinherreachacrossthe

roomoronthefloor,tellingmeit’smyfault,thatIdidthistoher,andshecouldn’tstandit

anotherminute.

“Youmadethisbaby,youdealwithit!”she’dscreamed,slammingthedoorand

disappearingfromourcrummyapartment,frommylife,fromourdaughter’slife.

I’dneverfeltsolost,sobetrayed,orsoguilty.Itwasmyfault—I’mtheprickthatgot

herpregnantafterall.GuiltythatI’dbroughtthisperfect,beautiful,littlepersonintothe

worldwithnomorethoughtthanI’dgiventowearingacondom—whichwasnone.No

thoughttothequalityoflifeIcouldprovideforher.ButIwasallshehadnow.ScaredasI

was,Ihadtomakeitwork,andIdid.Ifeltproudofthat.

Andnow,thedespicablecreaturethat’sdonenothingmoreforRosethangivebirthto

herhasthegalltobargebackin,anddemandtoseetheprogenysheabandonedso

callously.Itsetsmyteethonedgeandmygutsonfire,andfromwhatIsee,thereisno

indicationthatsheisinanybettershapetobeamothernowthansheeverwas.Shecan’t

betrusted.

There’snoroominmylifeforanyonebutRose.It’sjustthewayithastobe.Buying

thishousewassupposedtobeanewstartforus,butit’snotturningoutthatway.I’vehurt

Quinn,betrayedherfather,andsomehowputuswithinJolene’spoisonedreach.Itwasn’t

whatI’dsetouttodo.

Asdisruptingasamovewillbe,itmightbebesttostartlookingforanotherplace,

whileRoseisstillapreschooler.Somewherequiet.Somewheresafe.Maybelookinto

gettingalive-innanny.Andmakesureshe’sasunattractiveaspossible.

AfterIchangeandgetreadytopickupRosefromdaycare,Ipulloutmycellphone

andpunchthenumberformyrealtor’soffice.

ChapterEleven

Quinn

MerryGoRoundBreakdown

“Ijustdon’tfeellikegoingout,Rochelle.Youknowwehavemid-termstostudy

for.”

“Oh,quitbeingsuchabookwormforonce.Ihaven’tseenyouinforever,andyou

needtogetout.Besides,youstillhaven’ttoldmehowthe‘babysitting’jobwent.Ineed

deets,girl—andyouneedsomefun.Iwanttohearallthegorydetailswhileontopofthe

Ferriswheelwheretheguyswon’teavesdrop.”

Ugh.Thethoughtofswingingupwardinametalbucketatthecarnivalmakesme

heave.RochelleknowsIneverlikedcarnivalrides.Howdoessheexpectmetothinkof

thisasfun?Shejustwantstogetmealoneandpumpmeforinformation.Andatthesame

timetrytofixmeupwithherboyfriendAlex’sbuddythat’sjustblownintotownforthe

weekend.Neitheroneappealstomerightnow.

“I’llpassontheFerriswheel,thanks,”Isay,mystomachalreadytwitchinginalarm.

“Oh,allright.We’llfindsomewheretodishoutofearshot.Trentisreallystoked

aboutmeetingyou,though.Alextoldhimwhatastunneryouare.”

“Great.Thanks.JustwhatIneed.Anotherdudewhothinksmyonlycredentialsare

mytitsandass.Goodwork,Roch.Can’twegosomewhereelsebesidestheamusement

park?”

“No!YouknowthismobilecarnivalisafundraiserfortheASUgradclass.Wehave

tosupportit.Andyourtitsandassneedabreakfromthebooksjustasmuchastherestof

you.We’lllettheboysblowabunchofmoneytryingtowinusgiantstuffedbears,what

doyousay?”

Againstmybetterjudgment,Isayyes.I’vealreadystudiedmyassoff,tryingto

distractmyselffromtherealworld,andprobablycouldn’tcramonemorestatorresearch

paperintomymemoryifItried.

“Great!”Rochellesays.“We’llpickyouupatsix,justwhenthelightscomeon.And

wearsomethingsexyforachange,willyou?Idon’twantTrenttoseeyouinyournatural

habitatofbaggysweatsandvarsityhoodies.”

Withasigh,IhanguponRochelle.Itcouldn’thurttohaveachangeofscenery.

WheneverIdofeigntoglanceoutmywindowallIseeisthequiethouseandemptyyard

nextdoor.I’vegivenuphopingtocatchaglimpseofRose,orLogan.Theyseemtohave

shutthemselvesofffromeverything,especiallyme.

It’sNovember,whichmakesitovertwomonthsthatI’veknownLogan,butalsotwo

weekssinceIsawhimlast.Andit’sbeentwoweeksofhell.NomatterhowmuchItryto

forcehimoutofmymind,onethingmakesitimpossible.Icheckmycomputercalendar

again,justtomakesureIhaven’tmiscounted.AndjustlikethelastthreetimesI

checked…Ihaven’t.

I’mlate.

Reallylate.

WhenImissedmyOctoberperiodIdidn’tthinkmuchofit;withthestressofanew

schoolyearandthepressuresofmyMaster’sprogramthatcanhappen.Butwith

Novembernearlygoneandstillnoperiod,IrealizeIhaveaproblemonmyhands.My

unrulystomachshouldhavetippedmeoff,butinmydistressoverLogan,Ithoughtitwas

justnerves.

Waitinganylongerwon’tsolveanything,soIdecidetotakethetriptothedrugstore

thatI’vebeenputtingoff.Ihavetoknow.Andifapregnancytestshowspositive,Ihave

totakeresponsibility.Ihavenoonetoblamebutmyself.Weusedcondomswhenwe

could,butthereweresomanytimeswherethingswerejustspontaneous.LoganandI

couldn’tkeepourhandsoffeachotherforlong,nomatterwherewewent.

Ifeelguiltyenoughforbeingsocareless,butit’snotthepossibilityofbeingpregnant

thatscaresmeorbothersmethemost.It’sthatmyfather,thedoctor,theonewho

promotedfamilyplanningtoallhispatients,willbesodisappointedinme.

***

“Loosenup,willyou?”Rochellealmostsnarlsinmyear.“God,you’restiffasan

icicle.Trentthinkshemightgetfrostbiteifheeventriestoholdyourhand.”

“Justleavemealone,”Isay.“I’mherearen’tI?IneversaidI’dmakeoutwiththe

guy.”

“Ididn’taskyouto.Didn’tthinkIhadto…lookathim!”

IhadtoadmitAlex’sfriendTrentwasprettyhandsome;inthatarrogant,fratboy

kindofway.Perfecthair,niceeyes,strongchin,andathletic.Notabadpackage—ifyou

likethatsortofthing.HeflashesatoothywhitesmilemywayasIsuckafruitsmoothie

fromastraw.Rochelleelbowsme,soIsmileback,justtobecordial.Flirtingisthelast

thingonmymind.

HeandAlexareplayingashootinggameonthemakeshiftmidwaysetupina

parkinglotoftheASUcampus.Lightsandbellsdingandflasheverywhere,addingtothe

whitenoiseofpeople’svoicesandlaughter.Thesmellsofpopcornandhotdogswaft

throughtheeveningair,andasmuchasIlovehotdogs,thearomaismakingmenauseous

again.

Iseelotsoffamilieshavecomeouttojointhefunandsupportthecause,too.Ithink

ofRoseandLogan,andimaginethemstrollingaroundthisvenue—Roseholdinga

balloononastring.Imissher.Withasigh,Iwonderwhatshe’dthinkofhavinganew

babybrotherorsistertoplaywith.

Butshe’llprobablyneverevenknowshehasone.

“Hey!”IhearAlexshoutashewinsathisgameandwavesRochelleovertopickout

herprize.Theylooksocutetogether,RochandAlex;Ienvytheirsteady,fun-loving

relationship.Itseemssosimplewhenyoulookatthem.Whycouldn’tallrelationshipsbe

likethat?Simple.Straightforward.Uncomplicated.

IglanceoveratTrentashestandsbackfromAlex,concedinghisfriend’sbesting

himatwaterpistols.Tallandtanned,he’llbeagoodcatchforsomebody,someday.But

notme.Whatcollegeguywouldwantmenow…damagedgoodsandwitha“buninthe

oven.”I’mhurtingtoomuchrightnowtoeventhinkaboutaman,anyman,exceptthe

onewho’sbrokenmyheartandplantedhisseedinmywomb.

IwanttotellRochellethatmydrugstoretestcameuppositive,tellherthewhole

miserablestorythatsheclaimstobesoanxioustohear.She’llbesorrysheasked,butifI

knowmyfriendshe’llofferabigstrongshoulderformetocryonnevertheless.Icouldn’t

imagineushangingoutlikethisagain,singleandcarefree.Imightbesingle,butfarfrom

carefree.

“LookslikeI’mtheloserinthisrace,”Trentsays,comingupalongsideme.“C’mon.

We’llfindanothergameI’mgoodatandwinyouanevenbiggerprizethanRochelle’s

got.”Helinkshisarminmineandleadsmefurtherdownthemidway.“SoIhearyou’re

practicallyapsychologist.Ihopeyoudon’theadshrinkmebeforewehaveachancetoget

toknoweachotherbetter.”

Irollmyeyesathiscomment.Everyonethinksofyouasa“shrink.”Therearemany

morecareerpathwaysinthepsychologyfieldthanpeoplerealize.“Actually,Iplantobea

counselorafterIfinishmyMasters.Iwon’thaveafancyofficeoracouch.Imighteven

workwithsocialservices—helpingpeoplewhoneeditmost.”

“Mmm,toobad.I’dlieonyourcouchanytime,Dr.Quinn.”Trentlaughsoutloud.

“Hey,wasn’tthataTVshow?Dr.Quinn,MedicineWoman?”

Itrytohumorhimandlaughpolitely,butI’mnotverygoodcompanytonight.It’s

notTrent’sfault.Heseemsaniceenoughguy,butIhavetoomuchonmymindtopay

himmuchattention.

“Hey,whereareyoutwolovebirdsgoing?”Rochelleshoutsfrombehind.Sheand

Alexcatchuptous,Alexcarryingthefour-foot-tallstuffedgiraffethathe’swon.

“Oh,justlookingforanotherboothwhereIcandemonstratemygamingprowessfor

thebrilliantDr.Quinnhere,”Trentanswers.

“Uh,don’tholdyourbreathforakewpiedoll,Quinn.MostofTrent’sprowessgets

demonstratedelsewhere,”Alexwarns.“Likeinthebedroom.”

Rochellegiggleshysterically.“Goodluckwiththat,Trent.OurQuinniewould

probablybringatextbookalongtomakesureyou’redoingitright.”

Ishootmyfriendawitheringglare.TheonlybedroomtextbookI’lleverneedlives

nextdoortome;andI’dgiveanythingforanotherofhislessons,justtobenearhimagain.

Butthat’snothappening.

“Idon’tneedanyprizes,”IsaytoTrent.“AndI’lltakeAlex’swordonyourother

talents.Honestly,thenoiseandlightsarekindagettingtome.IthinkI’llwanderoverto

thekiddiesectionwherethingsmovealittleslower,ifyouguysdon’tmind.”

“I’llgowithyou,”Trentsays,hiseyeslightingup.

“Greatidea.Youtwogofindaquietspotwhereyoucan…talk,”Rochellesays,

displayingawickedgrin.“We’llbeoveratthebeertentwhenyouwanttofindus.Ithink

mygiraffeisthirsty.”ShedirectsherlaststatementtowardAlex,stillholdingthegiant

plushmonstrosity.

“Yourwishismycommand,mylady,”Alexsayswithabow.

Theywaltzoffarminarm,andagainI’menvious.Isuggestedthekiddiearea

becauseIwantedsometimealone,thinkingmycompanionswouldn’twanttogothere.

ButnowIhaveTrenttaggingalong,andIdon’thavetheheartortheenergytotellhimto

buzzoff.

“Youlikekids,Quinn?”Trentasks.

Mygutstwistathiswords,andItakeadeepbreath.“Ido.Ihopetohavesomeofmy

ownsomeday.”

“Metoo,”hesays.“Butnotforalongtime.I’vegotbigplans.”

Whichcan’tincludeme,Mr.HighRoller.Iseeacarouselatthefarendofthe

midwayandmovetowarditthroughthecrowd.It’sgettingalittlelatefortheyoungones,

soIexpectthekiddieparktoberelativelyempty.Aswegetneartheentrance,Trentstops

ataboothsellingfunnelcakesandbuysonewithcinnamonandpowderedsugarontop.

“Sweetsforthesweet,”hesays,breakingoffabigchunkandofferingittome.The

warmsugaryaromadoesn’tbothermethewaythegreasyhotdogsdid,soItossmy

emptysmoothiecupintothetrashandtakethepieceofcakegraciously.He’stryingtobe

sonice;Idon’twanttohurthisfeelings.

“Thanks,”Isay,andtakeabite,thelivelycalliopemusicgrowinglouderaswestroll

closertothecarousel.Thelight,fresh-friedcakemeltsinmymouth,andthoughIknowI

shouldbeeatinghealthy,Ican’thelpbutletoutagroanofpleasure.

“Oh,myGod,that’sgood,”Imumble,mymouthstillpartiallyfull.Youdidn’thave

toworryabouttablemannersatacarnival.

“Yeah,Inevercouldresistagoodfunnelcake,”Trentsaysasweleanagainstafence

whiledevouringourtreatandwatchthepaintedponiesgallopintheirnever-endingcircle.

“OragirlwhoappreciatesthemasmuchasIdo.”

Withhisslygrin,thinly-concealedcompliments,andhiseyesreflectingthetwinkle

fromthecarnivallightsstrungoverhead,Idon’tneedapsychologydegreetoknowwhat

he’sthinking,orwhathe’shopingforbeforethenight’sover.Sincehelivesoutoftown,

andthechanceofmeseeinghimagainisremote,Ifindmyselfactuallythinkingabout

lettingitplayout.Asmile,ahug,maybeakissortwo…whatharmcouldthatdo?I

wouldn’tletitgofartherthanthat.Anythingtogetmymindoffmytroubles,however

briefly.

“I’lltakethatasacompliment,”Isay,returninghissmile.

“Pleasedo.Meantassuch,”hereplies,winking.

Iswallowthelastbitesofmycakeashewatchesmeandlicksthesugardustfromhis

lips.They’renicelips.Heturnstowardmeandtakesastepcloser.

“Oops,yougotalittlethere,”hesays,reachingoutandbrushingthesamepowdery

remnantsfromthecornerofmymouth.“Can’thavesuchaprettyfacecoveredup,even

withsugar.”Heglideshisthumbbackandforthovermycandy-coatedlips,andI’m

lockedintohisdarkgazethatseemstohypnotizeme.

Ican’tmoveasheleansin,cupsmychininhishandandkissesme,thecinnamon

andsugarsealingourlipstogetherinunexpectedsweetness.

ChapterTwelve

Logan

WhenWorldsCollide

“Icecream,Daddy,”Rosesays,pointingtoabrightlylitbooth.“Iwanticecream.”

“Maybewe’llgetsomeonourwayhome,”Isay,clutchingherlittlehandtightly.I

hadsecondthoughtsaboutbringingRosetoaplacewhereshecouldeasilygetlostina

crowd,butthetemptationofrides,clowns,andfoodwastoopowerfultoresistand

providedtheperfectdistractionforbothmydaughterandme.

IthinkIneededthebreakevenmorethanRose.WithJolenegrowingbolderinher

demandstoseeRoseI’vebeenpressinghardfortherestrainingordertobedispensed.I

half-expecttoseeherateverycorner,poppingupfrombehindabushorskulkingatthe

endoftheblocklikeadamnstalker.Thebureaucraticwheelsturnagonizinglyslow,andI

knowshe’susingthistimetobuildacasewiththefamilycourts.Worse,Roseseemsto

havesomememoryofthenightshespentatLila’sandkeepsaskingaboutthe“loudlady

atGrandma’s”inadditiontowhereQuinnhasgone.Ihavenoanswersforeitherquestion

thatafour-year-oldwillunderstand,norhaveImentionedanythingaboutmovingagain.

“Iwantsomenow,”Rosewhines.

“Ifyoueaticecreamnow,youcan’tgoonthemerry-go-round,”Isay.“You’llgeta

tummyache.Youwanttoridethemerry-go-round,don’tyou?”Heryearningforapuppy

hasrecentlybeenreplacedbyrequestsforapony,soIknowshewantstoridethecarousel

intheworstway.

“Yes!”shesays,yankingmyhandandpullingmeforward.Ishouldbeputtingherto

bedrightaboutnow,butsinceit’saweekendandthiscarnivalwillbegonebyMonday,I

decidetoindulgeherandnotworryabouttime.ThedownsideisthatbeingontheASU

campusmakesmethinkofQuinnandsendsafamiliarstabofguiltthroughmygut.Ihope

she’salright,andwonderhowshe’scoping,butIknowmyinterestsrundeeperthanthat.

AsbadlyasRosewantsapony,IwantQuinnbackinourlives;butIguessweallhaveour

fantasies.Thisisreality.Withatwingeofbitterregret,Iknowshe’llforgetaboutmein

thearmsofthenexthulkingcollegefootballstarshemeets.

“There’sthemerry-go-round!”Roseshrieks.

Ibuytheticketsandstandinthequeueforourturn.“Whatcolorhorseshallwe

ride?”Iask,perusingtheparadeofcarouselponiesastheyspin.

“Iwannaridebymyself,”Rosesays,soundingalmostindignant.“I’mabiggirl.”

Ichuckleatherfeistydeclarations.AsmuchasIwanttokeephersafe,learningtobe

independentisacriticallifeskill.Iknowthatbetterthananyone.“Okay,butdon’tsayI

didn’toffer.”Roseallowsmeontotheplatformonlylongenoughtoselectapinkpony

andliftherontoitsback.“Youhangontothesereins,see?Don’tletgo,”Iinstruct.

Iretreattothenearbycrowdofparentonlookersandtrytostillmythumpingheartas

theridestartsupandgainsspeed.Rosegivesmeanenthusiasticwave.

“Holdthosereins!”Ishoutwithcuppedhandsaroundmymouth,andIsmileasshe

obedientlyclutchesthebraidedropearoundthehorse’sneck.Iwatchvigilantlyforthe

nextseveralspins,andcan’tholdbackawashofprideasshehandlestheridewithout

difficulty.Iletoutarelievedbreath,andrelaxenoughtotakeinthesurroundingswhile

Roseisoccupied.

It’saclear,starrynightandthecarnivallightsjustaddtothemagic.Ididn’t

experienceacarnivaluntilmyteens,hangingwithmyotherstreetwisefriendsandfinding

troubletogetinto.Carnivalswereidealplacesforthat.AveritableShangri-Lafor

pickpocketsandconmen.IsurreptitiouslycheckformywalletasIscantheareaforshady

activity.

OverbythefencebetweenthecarouselandthekiddiecarsIseeayoungcouple

standingclosetogether,engagedinadifferentkindofactivity,butnolessshady.Thetall

boyhashishandsonherbutt,andhislipslockedonhers.Thegirl’sblondehairglowsin

thesurreallightofoverheadbulbsandneonsigns.SheremindsmeofQuinn,andIstave

offapainfulconvulsioninmychestregion.

Ifeellikeacreepbutcan’ttearmyeyesawayfromthescene.Thevibrationinmy

chestescalatestoaburningtightnesswhenIrealizewhatI’mseeing.ItisQuinn!ButI

havenoideawhothehornyyoungbuckiswithhispawsalloverherandhistongue

practicallyinherthroat.

Thelightsandsoundsfadetoadull,indistinctbackgroundagainsttheclearsharpness

ofmyfocusonthetwoofthem.Mybodyseemstomovethroughanexpandingtunnel,

runningforwardbutgettingnocloser.SuddenlyI’mwithinarm’sreach,myhothandon

theboy’sshoulder.

“Getoffher,douchebag,”Isnarl,myvoicedrippingwithmenace.

IhaulhimoffQuinnwiththeforceofabulldozer,knockinghimintothefence

behind.Hestumblesandgrabsholdoftherailing,andIcatchQuinnasshelosesher

balance.

“Whatthefuck,buddy!”thekidyells,readytolaunchhimselfatmeinretaliation.

“Don’teventhinkaboutit!”Igrowl,pointinganaccusingfingerathimwhilelocking

Quinninmyoppositearm.

“Logan!”Quinnshrieks,pawingatmeandregainingherbalance.“Whatareyou

doinghere?”

“Youknowthisshithead?”Trentsneers,risingtohisfullheight.

“Trent,gobacktothebeertentandfindAlex,”Quinnsays.“Waitthere,I’llhandle

this.”

Trentstraightenshisshirtandbrushesdustfromhisarms.“Yououtpastcurfewor

something,Quinn?Alexnevertoldmeyouwereadaddy’sgirl.”

“Justgo!”shehisses.Withalastsearingglare,Trentmovesofftowardthemain

midway.Quinnpushesawayandstaresmedown,herblueeyesonfire.“Areyoucrazy?

Whatthehelldoyouthinkyou’redoing?HowdareyouattackTrentlikethat.Whodo

youthinkyouare?”

Herwordshitmewithallthestingofaslaptotheface.Idon’tknowwhoIamright

now,besidesangryandjealous.

“Oh,it’sTrent,isit?”Itaunt,thenamestickinginmythroatlikeasplinteredchicken

bone.“Where’dyoumeethim,findhisnumberinaUniversitybathroomstall?”

“What’sittoyou?”Quinnsays.“Justbecauseyoudon’twantmedoesn’tmean

somebodyelsewon’t.Dumpingmewasn’tcruelenough,youhavetohumiliatemeas

well?You’vegotnoright,noright!”She’sscreamingandcryingatthesametime,then

coversherfacewithherhandsandturnsaway.

“Don’tturnyourbackonme,”Isay,myvoicestillharsh.Idon’tmeanitasa

commandbutasaplea.“Please…don’t,”Isaysofter.“Idon’tthinkIcouldstandthat.”

Shewhirlstofacemeagain.“Whynot?Youdidittome.Idon’tcarewhatyoucan

orcan’tstand,LoganBrenner.Explainyourself,rightnow,orI’mleaving.”

HowcanIexplainsomethingI’mnotsureIunderstandmyself?AllIknowisthatmy

bloodboiledwhenIsawherwithTrent,andIdidn’tknowhowtodealwithitexceptwith

myfists.

“I’msorry,”Iblurtout.“Ineverintendedtohumiliateyou.”

“What,then?”shedemands.“Doyoujustmakeahabitofpunchingoutrandom

peopleinamusementparks?”

Ishakemyhead.“No,I…”WhydidIreactthewayIdid?Therealreasonsare

burieddeeperthanIwanttodig.“I’msorry,”Isayagain,rakingahandthroughmyhair.I

lookupintoherblazingbluegazethat’sfilledwithcompassioninspiteofheranger.Her

silkyhairflowsdownoverhershoulders,hershapelyarmswrappingherselfina

defensivehug.Shelooksbothstrongandfragileatthesametime,andallIwanttodois

holdhercloseandneverlethergoagain.I’manidiottotryanddenythedepthofmy

feelingsforher.

“Ineedyou,”Isay,thewordsfallingfrommylipsalmostontheirown.“Ididn’t

realizehowmuchuntilyouweren’tthere.IsaidalotofthingsbecauseIthoughtthey

weretherightthingstosay,notbecauseIbelievedthem.EverythingIknowtellsmethat

it’swrongtofallforawomanhalfmyage,butIhave.Godhelpme,Ihave,andIcan’t

changehowIfeel.Iloveyou,Quinn.IthinkIhavesincethefirstdayIsawyou.Willyou

forgiveme?”

Herlipstrembleassheunfoldsherarmsandreachesoutforme.Istepforwardand

gatherherinmyarms.

“Yes,”shewhispers,pressingherfacetomychest.“BecauseIloveyou,too.We

shouldn’tcarewhatpeoplesay.Allthatshouldmatterishowwefeel.”

Iagreeandtilthertear-stainedfaceupward.Weshareakissunlikeanyotherbefore

it,filledwithpassionyettemperedwithforgivenessandhealing.Herlipsaremoistand

yielding,respondinginequalfervortomine.EvenifIcan’tclaimtoknowwhatreallove

is,tryingtooutrunitoroutsmartitisawasteoftime.Itwillcatchuptoyouwhenyou

leastexpectit,andnowthatit’shere,IintendtoholdontoitwitheverythingI’vegot.

“Logan,Ihavetotellyousomething,”shesaysaswebreakourkiss.

“Youdon’thavetotellmeanything,honey.IknowhowmuchIhurtyoubyshutting

yououtlikeIdid.Sincethebreak-in,everythingisgoingtoshitwithJolenesniffing

aroundlikearabiddog.Ican’tbearthethoughtofRoseknowinghermother’sacrazed,

recoveringdrugaddict,andI’mscaredshitlessthatshe’lltrytotakeherawayfromme.

Andthatshemightwin.”AsIsayRose’sname,Istiffeninfear.

“WhereisRose?”Quinnasks,andIrealizeI’veleftheronthecarousel.Ican’t

believeIcoulddosomethingsostupid.

“Onthemerry-go-round,”Igasp.“OhmyGod,she’llbeterrifiedifshedoesn’tsee

me.”Iturnandboltstraightforthecarousel,Quinnfollowingbehind.AsIreachthe

unloadinggate,Istopdeadinmytracks.MybloodturnstoiceasIstareintoJolene’s

haunted,red-rimmedeyes.

“Hello,Logan,”shesayswithaleeringsmile,accentuatinghergarishredlipstick

thatseemscrookedandhastilyapplied.“Lookingforsomeone?”

“Outofmyway,Jolene.”Imovetowardher,intendingtoshoveherasidetogetto

theplatformwhensheopensthelapelofherfadedjeanjackettoshowmewhat’sinside.

“Don’t,”shesays,gesturingtoashinyblackrevolvertuckedinaninsidepocket.“I

wouldn’tdoanythingsuddenifIwereyou.”

ChapterThirteen

Quinn

AMother’sLove

IcatchuptoLogan,almostcrashingintohimashestopsdeadinfrontofme.I

followhislineofsight,andIdon’tneedtoguessattheidentityofthethincreature

standingbeforehimwithwildeyesthatglowerathimfromapale,desperateface.Iknow

withdreadfulcertaintythatwe’vecomeface-to-facewiththeinfamousJolene.

Ialmostfeelsorryforher—dressedinshabbydenims,herred-goldhairhangingin

dullcoilsaroundherfaceandneck—butitpasseswhenIseethehandguntuckedinside

herjacket.Isuckinabreathatthesight,andhersunkeneyesflickerpastmeasIpeer

overLogan’sbroadshoulder.

“WhereisRose?”Logandemands.“Ifyou’veeventouchedherIswearI’llwring

yourskinnyneck,Jo.”

“Relax,she’sfine.Seeforyourself,”shesays,jerkingherchintowardthemoving

carousel.IwatchthespinningplatformuntilIspotRose’sbrunetteheadassheridesa

brightlypaintedpinkandredponyaroundandaround.Sheseemsfinebutisclearly

lookingaboutforherdaddywitheachpass.“ItoldherIwasafriendofyoursandbought

heranotherticket.Saiditwasokayforhertohaveanextraride.”

“Idon’tknowhowyougothere,orhowyoufoundus,butifyouhaveanydecency

leftinyou,Jo,you’llleavenow,”Logansays.“Quietly.Anddon’teventhinkabout

touchingthatgun.Securitywillbeonyoulikeflies.”

Jolenetossesherheadindefiance.“YouthinkI’msonutsI’dpullagunoutinfront

ofmydaughter?Ionlywantedtotalktoyou,Logan.Thegun’sjusttomakesureyou

listen.”

Therideisslowingdown,andmymindisracingastohowwecangettoRosebefore

Jolenedoes,orbeforeshedoessomethingrecklessthatcan’tbeundone.Ifeelthetension

inLogan’sbodyasIstandclosebehindhim.

“I’mlistening,”hesays,hisvoicesternbuteven.

“Iwanttoseeher,Logan.I’mhermother,andIshouldgetherhalfthetime,fifty-

fifty,allniceandfair.”

IclutchLogan’smuscledarm,sensinghisdesiretolungeforwardandgetphysical

withher;whatJoleneisaskingisnotanoption,notinamillionyears.Iknowhowhe

feelsaboutevenacknowledginghertohisdaughter,muchlesssharinganykindof

custody.

“Youreallyareoutofyourmind,”Loganscoffsindisbelief.“You’llneverhavethat

kindofaccesstoher.Thecourtswouldn’tallowit,andIsureasfuckwon’t.”

“Please,Logan,”Jolenereplies,hervoicesoundingmorefrightenedthanaggressive.

“Youhavetobelieveme,I’mnotoffmyrocker.I’vechanged,reallychanged,forgood

thistime.Iwentthroughhellinrehab,forRose’ssake—justtobewithheragain.I’m

clean,Iswearit.”

“Don’tfuckinglietome.Theonlyreasonyou’rehereisbecauseyouknowthecourts

willturnyoudownflatwithyourself-destructivehistory.Youdon’tgiveashitabout

Rose,orme,oranythingbutyourownsickneeds.”

Joleneisvisiblytrembling,andsomethingtellsmeit’stakenalotforhertoevenbe

hereandstandherground.Despiteherbravewordsshe’sclearlyterrified.She’scomeway

outofhercomfortzoneforthesakeofherdaughter,andthatsaysalotabouthersincerity

inrehabilitation.ButLogandoesn’tseeit;allheunderstandsishispainandhisrageatthe

onewho’scausedhimthatpain.

“No,”Jolenesays,shakingherheadandtakingatentativestepforward.“It’snotlike

that.Thingsaredifferentnow.I’mnotthesamepersonasIwaswithyou,Logan.Ididn’t

havethestrengthtodealwiththeresponsibilityofachild,then.ButIdonow.I’mbetter

now,can’tyouseethat?”

“Bullshit,”Logansays.“Asnakecansheditsskin,butit’sstillasnake.Don’tcome

anycloser.Turnaround,walkaway—andmaybeIwon’tcallthecops.”

“Logan,”Iwhisperoverhisshoulder.“Don’tthreatenher.She’sbarelyholdingit

together—shecouldsnap.”Myyearsofbehavioralstudyaresettingoffalarmbellsinmy

head,andsuddenlyIrecalleverywordofthosecasestudiesIthoughtI’dneverneedto

knowabout.Threateningsomeonewho’salreadyemotionallycompromisedisnotthe

rightapproach;itcanpushthemovertheedgeandforcethemtotakeactsofdesperation.

Especiallyifthatpersonhasaweapon;andthisonedoes.Wehavetogetthroughtoher

onadifferentlevelentirely.

She’scloseenoughthatIcanseethetearswellinginherblazingeyes.“Ican’t,”she

says,hervoicecracking.“Iwon’twalkawaythistime.Iwanttoknowmydaughter—is

thatsomuchtoask?Please…IknowIscrewedupbefore.Givemeanotherchance…”

Loganshrugsusbothoff,cuttingJoleneshortagain.“Youhadyourchance.Youhad

everychance.ForGod’ssake,Rosewasonlyafewdaysoldwhenyouleft,Jo.Whatkind

ofmotherdoesthat?Nofitkind…youdon’tdeserveasecondchance,notnow,notever,

doyouhearme?”

“Don’tsaythat…”Jolenepleads,neartotears.

“Don’tgobeggingforsympathywhenyouhavenoneforanyoneelse.You’re

incapableofasingle,decenthumanfeeling!”Loganshouts.

“Shutup!”Jolenecries,placinghershakinghandsoverherears.Iswallowhard.The

sceneispainfultowatchandisattractingtheattentionofnearbycarnivalgoers.Despite

Logan’shurtfulcensure,Iknowinmygutshe’snotcrazy,norinhuman;herresponsesare

mostlyrationalandself-aware.She’sunstable,certainly,butnotderanged.She’sjusta

motherwhowantsherchildandafreshstart.Noimpulseormotivationcouldbesimpler

orpurerthanthat;Iunderstandthatnowmorethannever.

Loganseemsbeyondhearing,hisangerescalatingoutofcontrol.“Getthisthrough

yourbaked-outskull,Jolene.Youwillnever,neverhavearelationshipwithRose.Not

whileI’malive…”

“Shutup!”Jolenescreams,droppingherhandsandreachinginsideherjacket.“Then

youcandie,”sheadds,pullingthegunfromitsfoldsandlevelingitstraightatLogan.My

stomachtwistsandIfeellikeI’mabouttopassout.IfIlosthimnow,there’dbetwomore

fatherlesschildrenintheworld.Ican’tbreathe,andI’mseeingstarsasmyvision

threatenstofadeandgodark.IleanmyheaddownagainstLogan’sshoulder,myfingers

diggingintohisstrongarmashegoesstiff,readyingforafight.

“Logan,”Iwhisper.Iclosemyeyes,willingmyheadtoclear.“Don’tsayanything

else,justwatchforRose.”Idrawtwodeepbreathsandraisemyhead.ThenItakeaslow,

deliberatestepoutfrombehindhim.Jolene’sgazeslipssidewaysoverme,andsheseems

evenmoreafraidofmethanofhim.Aslight,smallwoman,bothLoganandItowerover

herbycomparison.

“Whoareyou?”shesquawksinsurprise.“Getback,orI’llfinishhimrightnow.”

“Jolene,”Isaycalmly,mybrainseemingtoswitchintoadifferentmodelikeI’djust

pressedthepowerbuttononahidden,powerfulmachinethatshowsmeexactlywhatI

needtodo.“Roseisrightbehindyou.Don’tletherseethis.Putthegundown.”

ChapterFourteen

Logan

Brave&Crazy

“You’relying,she’sstillonthemerry-go-round,”Jolenesays,thegunbarrel

wobblingviolentlyinherunsteadyhands,stillpointedatmychest.Everyfiberofmy

bodyistensedlikeadrawnhuntingbow,readytospring.Adrenalinesurgesthroughmy

veins,througheverylimbandeverycell;Quinnhaspurposelysteppedintothelineoffire,

leftherselfpurposelyopenandexposed,andI’mabouttolosemymindwithfearforher.

SeveralyardsbeyondJolene’sfrail,wispyframeIseeastrangerliftRoseoffthe

carouselplatformandattempttocomforther.Shedoesn’tseeusandisclearlypanicking.

I’mtornintwowantingdesperatelytoprotectbothherandQuinn,unabletofathom

what’spossessedQuinntopullthisdangerousstunt.

“Iwouldn’tlietoyou,”shesaystoJolene,holdingherhandsout,palmsupwardina

gestureofopenness.“Myname’sQuinn.IknowRose,andIknowshewouldn’twantto

seeherdaddygethurt.Pleaseputthegundown.”

JoleneshiftsheraimtoQuinn,andacoldblacknesstakesrootinmysoul.Ifanything

happenstoQuinnI’llneverforgivemyself;I’mresponsibleforgettingherinthismess.I

havetofindawaytotakeoutJolenewithoutlettinghergetoffashot.

“Putitdownnow,Jo,”Isay.“Lastwarning.”Quinnglancesmywayandsilencesme

withasubtleflickofherhand.Thegesturesaysthatshehasaplan,andI’mnotpartofit.

“Iknowyou’reupset,Jolene,andthatyou’vehadaroughgoofthings,”she

continues.“YouloveRose,too—Icanseethat.Iunderstandyouwanttobewithher.

You’rehermother,you’llalwaysbehermother.Noonecantakethatawayfromyou.”

I’veneverheardQuinnspeakinthistoneofvoice;it’sassertivebutsoftand

soothing.I’mdumbfoundedatthenervesofsteelshe’sdisplaying,andtheeffectit’s

havingonJolene.Maybethesympatheticwordsaregettingthroughtoher.Istaystill,but

withmymusclesstilljackedintohighalert,readytocatapultacrossthesmalldistance

betweenusattheslightestfalsemovefromJo.

“Damnright,”Jolenesays.“Igavebirthtoher.”

“Ofcourseyoudid.Bringinglifeintotheworldisagreatthing,butahardthing,too.

I’msureyouwerejustoverwhelmed.Younevermeanttohurtanyone,andyouwon’thurt

anyonenow,willyouJolene?”

“Iwantmydaughter,”Jolenesays,stampingherfoot.“Noonegetshurtifyoujust

letmewalkawaywithher,niceandquiet-like.”

Quinnshakesherheadslowly.“Thatcan’thappen,Jolene.Notuntilyougetmore

help.Whenyou’rebetter,youcanseeRose,Ipromiseyou.I’llseetoit.”

Joseemsconfused,andheragitationstartstobuildagain.“No!I’mnotwaiting

anymore.I’malreadybetter,Iwanthernow,”shecries,herarmsquiveringfromtheeffort

ofholdinguptherevolver.I’mterrifieditjustmaygooffinherclumsygrip.Jolene

shakeshercurlyheadasiftryingtoriditofQuinn’swordslikeaswarmofbuzzing

insects.“Justshutup!”shebarks,waggingthebusinessendofthegunatQuinn.“Idon’t

knowwhothehellyouare,butyou’dbettergivememydaughterrightnow,orI’llshoot.I

will!”

Icantellbythefeverishlookinhereyesthatshe’sonthebrink;she’sgoingtogo

overtheedgeanysecond.I’veseenittoomanytimesbefore.It’sallIcandonottojump

herrightnow—takeabulletifitcametothat.BettermymiserableassthanQuinn,or

someinnocentbystander.

“Youwon’t,”Quinnassuresherinfirm,confidenttones.“Iknowyouwon’tbecause,

yousee,I’mamothertoo.”Myheadjerksinherdirectionatherwords.Whatisshe

saying?Shelowersherhandsslowlytohermidsectiontostrokeherbelly.“I’mgoingto

haveababy.It’sstillinsideofme,andIknowyoudon’twanttohurtababywhoisn’t

evenbornyet,doyou,Jolene?”

Joleneblanches,andherjawquivers.“No,”shegasps,asthoughinsultedatbeing

accusedofsuchathing.MybrainisonoverloadtryingtotakeinwhatI’mhearing,or

whatI’mseeing.Quinnispregnant?Theideaknifesthroughmelikeaheatedblade.Have

Idoneitagain,carelesslyimpregnatingawomanlikeaworthlessjerk?Orisita

calculatedlie—atrumpcardtopersuadeJolenetostanddown?Eitherway,I’m

blindsided,wrackedwithguiltandcompletelyspeechlessatQuinn’shandlingofthis

bizarresituationinfrontofus.

“That’sgoodbecauseifyouhurtme,Iwillnevergettoseemybaby,”Quinnpleads.

“AndIwanttoseemybaby,justlikeyouwanttoseeRose.Howwouldyoufeeltonever

beabletoseeheragain?”

“Iwillseeher.”Jolenenods,sniffingbackherbuildingtears.“Youcan’tstopme.”

“Iknowhowmuchyoumustmissher—thatyou’venevergotachancetoholdher,

kissherandputhertobedatnight.Don’tyouwanttodoallthosethings?”

“Yes!”Joleneshrieks,thetearsnowspillingdownhercheeks.

“Thenyouhavetoputthegundown.Ifyoudon’t,youmayneverseeRoseagain.”

Jolene’sbreathiscominginheaves,herwaterygazedartingbackandforthandherbody

tremblinguncontrollably.“You’llgotojail,”Quinncontinues.“Isthatwhatyouwant?For

Rosetohavehermotherlockedawayandneverknowher?”

“No,”Jolenegasps.

“Justputthegundown,andthatwon’thappen.Please.Roseneedshermother.Doit

forher.”

Jodissolvesintohelpless,convulsingsobsandhershakingarmscollapsetohersides.

Asherkneesbuckle,thehandgunclatterstothepavement,andshecoversherfacewith

bothhands.“ForRose,”shewails.

IdiveforthediscardedweaponatthesamemomentQuinnrushesforwardtocatch

Joinherarmsasshecrumblestothegroundinasobbingheap.I’mstumpedatthe

amazingstrengthandcompassionofthisbrave,brilliantyoungwoman,andIthankthe

moonandstarsandwhateverpowersthatbethathavebroughtherintomylife.Ifmy

childisinsideofher,I’mthemostundeservingsonofabitchintheworld.Ilook

gratefullyintoherluminousblueeyesasshecradlesandcomfortsJolene—astrangerto

herwhocouldhaveendedusboth—inagentle,forgivingembrace.Atiredsmilecurves

herbeautifullips.

“Everything’sokay.GogetRose,”sheurgesquietly.“I’llfindyou.”

Igettomyfeetjustastwoheftymenworkingsecurityarrivetosecurethehandgun

andtakecontrolofthesituation.ApoliceSUVpullsslowlyintothearea,soundingan

intermittentwoopofitssirentoclearthecrowd.IstepbacktogivethemspacebeforeI

turnandcutaswaththroughtheshockedonlookerstogettoRose,whoIfindlodgedin

thearmsofakind-lookingmiddle-agedwoman.

“Daddy!”shecries,reachingouttomewithhertinyarms.

“I’mhere,Rosebud.Daddy’shere.”Icanbarelychokethewordspasttheballof

emotiontrappedinmythroat.“Thankyou,”IsaytotheladyasshehandsRoseofftome.

Iholdmylittlegirlcloseamidthecrushofpeople,flashinglightsandringingsoundsof

thecarousel,memorizingthefeelofherpreciouswarmbodyagainstmine,andthesweet

smellofherjust-washedhair,andvowI’llneverletherfrommysightagain.

Iknowthat’snotpossible,butthedayshewasbornI’dpromisedtobethebestfather

Icouldpossiblybe.AndifQuinnistellingthetruth,Ihavetwiceasmanyreasonstolive

uptothatpromisenow.IneverthoughtIcouldloveanythingoranyoneasmuchasRose,

andasmuchasIhatemyselfforwhatI’vedone,thethoughtofQuinncarryingmybaby

fillsmewithasilent,indescribablejoy.Whenshe’dsaid,“Ihavesomethingtotellyou,”I

havenodoubtthiswasherincrediblenews.

IstartbackacrosstheparkinglottofindQuinnandtellherhowmuchitmeansto

me,howgratefulIam,andthatI’llstandbyher;thatIlovehernowmorethanever.

“CanIhaveicecreamnow?”Roseasksinthatlong-suffering,butirresistiblewhine

thatonlyexhaustedfour-year-oldscanpulloff.Ilaughinspiteoftheterribleordealwe’ve

justbeenthrough.Weallhaveourpriorities,andwhileRose’sisherstomach,rightnow

minearemydaughter,mywoman,andourunbornchild.Myfamily.

“Yes,sweetheart,inaminute.IthinkIcanuseone,too.”Orastiffdrink.Maybe

there’saflavoroficecreamthathasboozeinit.IseeQuinn’sgoldenblondeheadmoving

throughtheriverofpeoplebetweenus,andIquickenmypace.Idon’tintendtoletherout

ofmysightagaineither.

“Quinn!”Ishout.

Shecatchessightofmeandhurriestowardus.“Logan!Rose!”shecalls.Wejostle

ourwaythroughthedissipatingcrowdandmeeteachotherhalfway.Everythingaroundus

seemstodimandfadeawayasshefliesintomineandRose’swaitingembrace.Nothing

elseexistsexceptthismoment;thisjoiningofeverythinginmylifethat’sgoodandspecial

andsoveryright—theonlythingsthatmatter.

“Kin!”Rosesqueals,overjoyedtoseeherfavoritebabysitteragain,grabbingcoilsof

Quinn’sgoldenhair.

“Oh,Rosebud!Lookatyou!Ithinkyou’vegrown…I’vemissedyousomuch!”

Quinnsays,ignoringtheyanksonhertressesinfavorofthekissesRoseisplasteringto

hercheeks.

“You’rethebravest,craziestgirlever,youknowthat?”Isay,shakingmyheadin

awe.

“Jolene’sincustody.She’llbetakentohospitalforevaluation,”Quinnsays,smiling

throughRose’sonslaughtofkissesandhugs.

Inodinacknowledgmentandleanincloser.“Isittrue?”Iask,myvoiceanexpectant

whisper.“You’repregnant?”

QuinnturnsherattentionfromRoseandfixesmewithherclear,wondrousbluegaze

thatIwanttogetlostinforever.Ialreadyhavemyanswerjustbylookingintothem,but

shegivesasmallnodofherhead.“I’mnotsobrave,butmaybeIamcrazy.Crazyabout

youandRose.AndthatI’mgoingtohaveyourbaby.”

Epilogue

Quinn

ANewDawn

I’mgladit’sChristmasbreak.Afteraroundofkillertermexams,Icanreallyusea

fewweeksoff.Igettiredeasily,andDadworriesI’mnotgettingenoughrest.Heassures

methatthefirsttrimesterofapregnancyisthetoughest,andI’llbefeelingmuchbetter

soon.I’lltakehiswordonthat,seeingashe’sthedoctorinthehouse.

Hedidn’tfreakoutorplaythedisappointmentcardwhenItoldhimmynews.Quite

theopposite.Havingagrandchildonthewayseemedtolifthisspiritsandhelphimfinally

breakthroughhislingeringgriefovermymother.Whilehewasn’tentirelysurprisedto

findoutthatLoganismybaby’sfather,ittookhimawhiletogetusedtotheidea.

“Thereitis,sweetheart,”Logansays,pointingoutthewindowofhistruck.Firmly

buckledintheboosterseatbetweenus,Roseclapsherhandsandkicksherfeetin

excitement.“There’sournewhouse.”

Aswepullupthelongdrive,I’mimpressedbyboththesizeofthesprawling,

Australiansheepstationstylehouseandtheramblingthreeacresitoccupies.It’sbeautiful,

surroundedbytreesbutwithplentyofopenspacefortheponythatLogan’sgettingfor

Rose’sfifthbirthday.Ican’twaittoseeherfacewhenitarrives.

“That’sanawfullybighouseforsuchalittlegirl.Whatdoyouthink,Rose?”

“Ilikeit!”shesays.“Wecanhaveapuppynow!”

LoganandIexchangeexasperatedglances.“Ithoughtyouwantedapony,”hesays.

Roseflasheshersweetbutmischievoussmilethatalwaysmeltsourhearts.“Iwant

both!”

WealllaughasLoganparksinfrontofthehousewithitswide,wraparoundporch

andbrightlypainteddoorthatwelcomesus.Themovingtruckwillbealonginafew

minutes,sowestartunloadingthefewlightboxesthatwe’vebroughtwithus.

“Don’tyoubeliftinganythingheavy,”Loganwarnsmeasheopensthetailgate.

“Whydon’tyoutakeRoseinsideandhavealookaroundfirst?”

“Okay,”Isay,takingRosebythehandandleadingherupthesteps.Thoughitseems

likeonlyyesterdaythatIsawLoganandRoseforthefirsttime,movingintothehouse

nextdoor,aftereverythingthat’shappened,Logantoldmehowhefeltitbesttofinda

newplace.Somewheresecludedandquiet.I’llmisshavinghimandRosesocloseby,but

thiscountrypropertyisperfectforthem,andonlyjustoutsidethecity.It’saneasydrive

forhimtotakeRosetoseehermotherintherehabfacilityeachweek.

I’mproudofhimforkeepingthepromiseImadetoher—thatsheandRosewillget

toknoweachotheratlast.Theirfirstvisitsseempositive,asLogansaysJolenehasbeen

surprisinglypatientandlow-keywithRose.Nomentionofthe“mom”wordyet,asit’s

waytoosoonforthat,butsofarthey’reofftoagoodstart.Ialsoknowitwillbepartof

Logan’shealingprocesstoo;tobegintorepairthescarsofhisdifficultpast.

Afterinformingmydadaboutthebaby,italsobecametooawkwardforbothheand

Logantocontinuetolivenextdoortoeachother,andsinceIstillhavestudiestofinish,a

moveforRoseandLoganwasreallytherightthingtodo.I’mlookingforwardto

graduationandwillhavemydegreewellbeforethebabyisborninJuly.Fornow,Ijust

wanttohelpthemgetsettledandenjoytheholidays.

“Wow,”Isay,turningathreesixtyinsidethelarge,openlivingspaceonthemain

floor.Theexposedlogbeamsstretchacrossahighceilingandangledowntowardthefull

spanofwindowsalongonewall.Theviewisspectacular,themistybluesandgraysofthe

SuperstitionMountainsloominginthedistance.

“Wow!”Roseechoes,skippingaroundtheroom.“Where’smyroom?”sheasks.

“I’llbetit’supstairs,”Isay,notingalovelywindingstaircaseleadingtotheupper

floor.Trustaconstructionprofessionaltoappreciatefinecraftsmanshipanddesignwhen

heseesit.“Let’scheckitout.”Itakeherbythehandandclimbthecurvingstaircaseas

Loganentersthehousewithanarmloadofboxes.

Roserunsintoallofthefourbedrooms,shouting“thisone’smine”ineachone.I

laughandfollowbehind,enjoyingourexplorationofthesecondfloor.Therearetwo

good-sizedbedroomsononesideofthelanding,andbothalargemastersuiteanda

fourth,smaller,bedroomontheother.Igazeoutthewindowofthemasterbedroom,

takingintheequallyfantasticviewsfromthissideofthehouse.They’rebothgoingto

loveithere.IloveitalreadyandplantovisitonasmanyweekendsasIcan.

Iwanderintotheseparatebathroom,enviousofthebeautifulmarbletileandthe

luxuriousJacuzzibath.I’mnotshowingyet,butI’msureIcouldusesomesoothing,

fragrantsoaksinthattubwhenI’mbigasawhaleinmyeighthmonth.I’malsojealousof

thehugewalk-inclosetinthesuite.I’velivedinthesamehousewithmyparentsforas

longasIcanremember,andthoughDadcouldaffordbigger,hewasneverintothe

materialtrappingsofsuccess.Familywasforemost,andwelovedthemodesthomewe

had.Noneoftheclosetswereevenaquarterofthesizeofthisone!

AsIadmirethespace,Loganwalksinwithafewboxesofclothesandsetsthemon

thefloor.IcanhearRosesinginganurseryrhymeinthesmallbedroomnextdoor.

“Ithinkshe’sfoundherfavoriteroom,”Isay.

“We’llseeaboutthat,”Logansays,spreadinghisarmswide.“Whatdoyouthink?

Youlikeit?”

“Iloveit,Logan.It’sbeautiful,it’sperfect.”

Hesmileswithprideandnods.“Ithinkso,too.”

“Justoneproblem,”Isaywithasigh.

“What’sthat?”hesays,lookingcrestfallen.“Ithoughtyousaiditwasperfect.”

“Thatcloset.”Ipointatitcasually.“It’swaytoobig.How’sasingledadwhowears

coverallstoworkeverydaygoingtofillupaclosetthatsize?It’slikeadamnbankvault,”

Itease.

Logan’slipsriseintoathoughtfulpout,andtheylooksoadorableIwanttokissthem

righthere,rightnow.WhoamIkidding?Iwanttokissthoselipsfortherestofmylife.I

feelajoyfulflutterinmycoreasifmybabyknowsit,too.Hecastsacritical,builder’s

eyeovertheopen,emptyexpanseofstorage.

“Mmm,Idon’tthinkso.We’regoingtoneedthatspace.”

“Whatfor?”Ichuckle.“Don’ttellmeyou’regoingtostoreyourtoolsinthere,too?”

“Well,nowthatyoubringitup,”hesays,diggingintohisjeanpocketasiflooking

forascrewdriver.Instead,hepullsoutashinykeyandholdsitoutinhispalmformeto

see.“Here’satoolyou’llneed.”

Istareatthepolishedpieceofmetalinhisbig,callusedbuilder’shandandIcanfeel

myheartthuddinginmychest.Withsomuchgoingon,andmestillinschool,wehaven’t

reallydiscussedanyplansfortheimmediatefuture,butwiththisgesture,Iknowthathe’s

offeringmemuchmorethanakey.

Ilookuptohisface,thatrugged,handsomefacewiththesexysmilethatI’vecome

tolove,alongwiththerestofhiskindsoulandluscious,hardbodythatI’vemissed,and

mydoubtsblowawaylikethetumbleweedsinthedesertthatsurroundsus.

“Areyousure?”Iask.“Iknowwedidn’tplanongettingpregnant.I’veneverasked

foryoutotakeresponsibilityorexpectthatyou’d…”

“Shh,”hequietsme.“Quinn,honey.Youdon’thavetoaskanything.Iwantthis,I

wantyou.I’vehadtoomanyofthepeopleIloveleaveme…Icouldn’tbearitifIletyou

leave,too,becauseI’dbelosingtwopeopleatthesametime.You…andourbaby.Ican’t

letthathappen.Please.Iloveyou,Quinn.Moveinwithus.Makeusafamily.”

Icanbarelyspeak.Mythroatseemstohaveswollenshutandmyeyesareclouded

withtearsofjoythatIcan’tholdback.Somehow,ImanagetogetthewordsoutasIleap

intoLogan’sopenarmsandholdhimsotightIcanhardlybreathe.“Yes,yes.Absolutely

yes.”

Ourlipsmeetinakisssodeepandpassionateandfilledwithpromisethatitfeelslike

ourfirst,andIknowitwon’tbeourlast.

“Eeeewww,”Rosesqueals.Webothturnourheadstoseeherstandinginthe

doorway,amixtureofdelightanddistasteonherface.“You’rekissing!”

“Youbetweare,sweetheart.Quinn’sgoingtostaywithus…forever.Wouldyoulike

that?”Loganasks.

Hersmilelightstheroomlikeabrilliantsunrise.“Yay!”sheyells,androcketsacross

thefloortowardus,wrappingherlittlearmsaroundourlegs.“ButIgetthelittleroom,”

sheadds,pointingnextdoor.

Loganlaughsandshakeshishead.“That’sokay,Quinnwon’tbesleepinginthat

room.ButI’mafraidyoucan’thaveiteither,Rosebud.”Roselooksup,herliptrembling

indisappointment.

“Whynot,Daddy?”

“Becauseyournewbabybrotherorsisterisgoingtolivethereverysoon.Whatdo

youthinkaboutthat?”

ShelookscuriouslybackandforthbetweenLoganandme,consideringthequestion.

“Ilikeit,”sheannounceswithanothergrandsmile.“We’llhavetogettwoponies,then!”

“Ithoughtyouwantedpuppiesnow,”Isay,mytearsturningtolaughter.

“Puppiesarenice,”shestates.“Butponiesarebetter.”ShelooksupatLogan.“IsKin

goingtobemynewbrother’sorsister’smommy?”

Logantriestokeepastraightface.“Yup.”

Rose’slittleforeheadknitsupasthoughthinkinghardinthatserious,strangelyadult

wayshehas,thenlooksstraightatme.“Canyoubemymommy,too?”

Myheartswellswithloveforthislittlegirl,butcanIreallybehermommy?Shehas

amotherthatshe’sjustgettingtoknow,andIdon’twanttojeopardizethat.ButIknowwe

canbeafamily.“Icanifyouwantmetobe,sweetheart.I’dloveto.”

Loganleansdownandscoopsherupwithonearmanddrawsmeinwiththeother,

wrappingusintoonebigfamilyhug.Thefirstofmany.

THEEND

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