Veer

ByAlyssaRoseIvy

Copyright©2012AlyssaRoseIvy

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmittedinanyform

orbyanymeans,orstoredinadatabaseorretrievalsystem,withoutthepriorwrittenapprovalofthe

author.

Thecharactersandeventsportrayedinthisbookarefictitious.Anysimilaritytorealpersons,livingor

dead,iscoincidentalandnotintendedbytheauthor.

CoverDesign:OnceUponaTimeCovers

Toanyonewhohaseverlostonedreamjusttodiscoveranother.

Acknowledgements

Asalways,thisbookwouldnothavebeenpossiblewithoutthesupportofmyfamily.Thankyou

especiallytoGrantforyourendlessencouragementandfaithinmywriting.ThankstoJenniferSnyderfor

beingbothawonderfulfriendandwritingpartner.ThankstoKarenAllenofRedAdeptforanother

fantasticeditingexperience.ThankstoKristinaScheidforagreatproofread.Thankstoallofthebloggers

whohavehelpedspreadthewordaboutmybooks,andofcourse,thankyoutoallofmyreadersforgiving

metheopportunitytosharemystorieswithyou.

ChapterOne

Becca

Therewerenowarningsigns.Thecarjustwentfromrunning,toaslowsputter,andthencompletely

dead.LuckilyIwasabletocoastthecarovertotheshoulder.Thankgoodnessforthelittlethingsinlife.

Fishingmyphoneoutofmypurse,Iprayedforservice.Twobars.Itwouldbeenough.Idialed

Molly.She’dcomegetme.Iwaitedforthecalltogothrough,butnothinghappened.Ihungupandtried

again.Nothing.Icouldn’tholdoffthefirsthintofpanic.

Thesundescendedquickly,andIwasstrandedonthesideoftheroadinthemiddleofnowhere.

HittingMolly’snumberagain,Iwaited,butgotonlymoredeadair.Iconsideredgettingoutofthecarto

seeifIgotbetterservice,butthatseemedtoomuchlikewhatwouldhappeninahorrormovie.Girlsin

thosekindsofmoviesalwaysdidstupidthingslikegettingoutoftheircars.

Isatforanotherfewminutes,contemplatingmyoptions.AnSUVpulledupbehindme.Istiffened.

Wasthisgoingtobehelporjustsomeoneusingmycarbreakingdownasanexcusetokillme?

AsIsattherefreakingoutaboutthepossibilities,Iheardaknockonmywindow.Myheartjust

aboutjumpedoutofmychest.Hesitantly,Ilookedupandsawatallhulkofamanrightoutsidethecar.He

gesturedwithhishandsformetoopenthedoor.Ishookmyheadno.Thisguywashuge.Therewasno

wayIwasopeningthedoor.

Henodded,heldupafingerasiftellingmetowait,anddisappeared.Iwaited,wonderingwhathe

wasuptoandwhetherIcouldfindanysortofweapon.Isettledforclosingmyfistaroundthesmall

containerofmaceIkeptinmybag.

Iheardanotherraponthewindowandglancedover.Themanheldabadgeupformetoread.He

wasacop.Ofcourseanyonecouldfakeapolicebadge,butthatseemedextremeevenformyimagination.

Idecidedtotakeachanceandopenthedoor.

BeforeIcouldevenopenitalltheway,theguyduckedhisheaddowntotalktome.“Havingcar

trouble?”

ItriedtoappearmoreconfidentthanIreallyfelt.“Yeah,itlooksthatway.”

“Icantakealookatitforyou,buthonestly,I’mnotgreatwithcars.I’mguessingbythe

Massachusettsplatesthatyou’renotfromaroundhere.”

“No,I’mnot.”Copornot,Iwasn’tgoingtogivehimmoreinformationthanIhadto.

“Whereareyouheaded?”Hesquatteddown,makingeyecontact.Hewasgoodatthis—yeah,he

wasreallyacop.

“Umm,ClaytonFalls?”IlookeddownattheGoogledirectionsI’dprintedoutincasemyGPS

failed.Mollyhadn’ttalkedmuchabouthertown,sothenamestillsoundedforeignonmytongue.

“ClaytonFalls,huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Youwouldn’thappentobeMolly’sfriend,wouldyou?”Afaintsmileplayedonhislips.Itgave

himanalmostboyishlookthatwasatoddswithhissize.

How’dheknow?“Yes…”

“I’mafriendofhers.”Heheldouthishand.“GavinPowell.”

“You’reGavin?TheGavin?”Mollyhadtoldmeabouthernearflingwiththehotcopinher

hometown,butIthoughtshe’dexaggeratedhisgoodlooksandsize.

Hesmiled.“Soyou’veheardaboutme?AsfarasIknow,I’mtheonlyGavin.”

Irememberedmysituation.Notthetimetoflirt.“Isthereanywayyoucanhelpmegetthroughto

her?Myphoneisn’tworking.”

“Yeah,serviceisiffyoutthisway.Whydon’tIgiveyoualift?I’lltakecareofgettingyourcar

towed.”Heleanedincloser,hisbodyheatmakinganalreadywarmeveninghotter.Hisbrownhairwas

messy,andIhadafeelingheneverreallybotheredtofixit.Hisfriendlyhazeleyesbeggedmetotrust

him,butIcouldn’t.

“That’sreallygenerous,butreally,IcanwaitforMolly.”

“Listen,Ms…”Helookedatme,waitingformetofillintheblanks.

“Harris.BeccaHarris.”

“Iappreciateyourhesitation.It’ssmartforawomantobecareful,butwe’vealreadyestablished

I’mapoliceofficer,andweshareamutualfriend.Youcantrustme.”Hisvoicewaslowandrichwitha

sexydrawlthatgotundermyskin.

Hewasprobablyright,butIstillwasn’twillingtomakeastupiddecision.“ForallIknow,the

badgeisfake.”

“AndIjusthappenedtoknowthepersonyouwerecomingtosee?”

“No,but—”

“Comeon.It’sgettinglate,andIcan’tleaveyououthere.”Heshookhisheadatmeinfrustration.

“Fine.”IfIwasdebatingchancesofsurvival,takingaridewasprobablythebetteroption.

Hereachedoutahandtohelpmeoutofmydeadcar.

“I’mfine.”Iletgoofthemace,putmypurseovermyshoulder,andgotout.Iwentaroundtothe

trunk,poppingitopentoretrievemysuitcases.

“I’vegotthem.”Gavinplacedahandonmineasiftogetmetoreleasethehandleofthefirstbag.I

triedtoignorehownicethemomentarycontactfelt.Ihadn’tfeltthewarmthofalarge,capablehandina

verylongtime.

“Yousure?”Iturnedtolookathim,butinthegrowingdarkness,Isawmoreshadowthananything.

“Yeah,isthisit?”

“Ijusthaveagarmentbaginthebackseat.”Iwentaroundandpulleditout.Thebagcontainedthe

mostimportantpartofmywardrobe—mysuit.Iwasn’tsurehowmuchI’dneeditinClaytonFalls,butI

didn’twanttobecaughtwithoutit.

“Ready?”heasked.

“Uhhuh.”

Ifollowedhimtohiscar,oneofthosehugeSUVsI’dneverpickinamillionyears,andwaitedas

hestowedmybagsintheback.Isteppedupintothepassengerseat,wonderingfortheumpteenthtime

whatIwasevendoinginNorthCarolina.

TheimpersonalemaillettingmeknowIwasn’tbeingaskedbacktoworkintheDA’sofficeforthe

summerhadbeenthefinalstraw.I’dwantedtoworkfortheDistrictAttorneysinceIwas17—Ididn’t

haveabackupplan.Mysecondyearoflawschoolhadbeenadisaster.Startingtheyearwithoutmybest

friendMollyhadbeenhardenough—butthenafewmonthslater,myMomdied.

“Youokayoverthere?”Gavinstartedtheengineandeasedusbackontotheroad.

“Yeah,sorry.”

Heglancedoveratmeandfrownedbeforeturninghisattentiontotheroad.“Youaren’twhatI

expected.”

“Ibegyourpardon?”

“IguessIexpectedsomeonemorelikeMolly.”

“Oh,didyou?”IguessGavinwasn’tasovermyfriendasshe’dthought.Ofcourse,sheprobably

hadn’tthoughtmuchaboutitsincegettingmarriedtoherhighschoolsweetheart,Ben,theprevious

summer.Ihadn’tbeenabletomaketheweddingontheshortnoticeshegave,butI’dneverheardher

happierthanwhenshecalledmethenextday.It’snotthatIblamedGavinforhavingtroublemovingon.

Mollywasagorgeousblondwithabigheart.

“Yeah.Maybeit’stheaccentorsomething.”

“Myaccent?”Iasked,surprisedthathewasn’ttalkingaboutmyappearance.Withmylongdarkhair

andatleastfiveinchesonher,MollyandIdefinitelycouldn’tpassfortwins.

Heturnedtolookatme.“Youdon’tthinkyouhaveanaccent?”

“It’snotasbadasyours.”MollyhadmadefunofmyBostonaccentmorethanafewtimesoverthe

years,andI’dalwaysthrownthetauntingrightbackather.

“Idon’thaveanaccent,”hesaidindignantly,asifI’dslappedhim.

“Okay,whateveryousay,Mr.SouthernDrawl.”

“NowIrememberwhyIhatenortherners,”hegrumbled.Hisoncefriendlyexpressiondarkened.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.You’reallthesame.”

Icoughed.“Pleasetellmeyou’rejoking.”Great,IhopedIwouldn’tbedealingwiththenortherner

junkallsummer.

“No.I’mjustwonderingwhatmadeyoucomedownhere.You’regoingtobeafishoutofwater.”

“Areyoudone?”Iwasn’tgoingtolistentomoreofhiscondescendingattitude.

“Maybe.Areyou?”

“What?AllIdidwasmentionyouhadanaccenttoo.”

“Mr.SouthernDrawl?That’sjustmentioningit?”

“Okay,let’sjustagreetodropit.Nomoretalkingaboutaccents.”

“Finebyme.”Henodded.“We’llbetheresoon,anyway.”

“Good.IjustwanttogettoMolly’s.”

Werodeinsilence.Istillwasn’tsurehowI’dmanagedtosethimoff,butevidentlyhewas

sensitiveabouttheaccentthing.

IglancedoveratGavinafewtimes,buthejuststaredstifflystraightahead.Forsuchagood

lookingguy,hehadahorriblepersonality.

Hepulledofftheinterstateandontoasmallhighway.Withnolightsoranyothercars,therewas

somethingkindofeerieaboutit.

Ifelttheurgetobreakthesilence.“You’renotfromhere,right?”IrememberedMollymentioning

somethingaboutit.

“Nope.”

Addwonderfulconversationalisttohislonglistofgoodtraits.“Isthereanyreasonwhyyou’re

beingrudetome?”

Helaugheddryly.“Rudetoyou?I’mgivingyouaride,aren’tI?”

“Sure,butyou’vebarelysaidtwowords.”

“I’vesaidmorethantwo.”

“Oh,doeseverythinghavetobeliteralwithyou?”

“Doeseverythinghavetobeaquestionwithyou?”Hishandtightenedonthewheel.“Listen,you’re

Molly’sfriend,soI’mtakingyoutoherplace.Ineveragreedtoprovideanyentertainment.”

“Okay…”

Itookoutmycellagain.ThistimeIhadservice.

Mollypickeduprightaway.“Becca?Hey,whereareyou?”

“I’malmostthere,butIhadtogetaridefromsomeone.I’llfillyouinwhenIgettoyourhouse.”

“Wait,whogaveyouaride?”

“Gavin.”

“You’rewithGavin?Whathappened?”

“I’lltellyoulater.”Ididn’twanttogointodetailswithGavinlistening.He’dprobablyfindanother

reasontoarguewithme.

“Okay,seeyouinafewminutes.”

Ihungup,replacingthephoneinmybag.Gavinneverglancedover.

Gavindrovearoundasquarethatlookedasifitcamestraightoutofa1950ssitcomorsomething.

Thestoresstillappearedtobemostlymomandpopplaces.Ihadn’tthoughtthosestoreswerestill

around.Wemovedintoaresidentialneighborhood,andIlookedoutthewindowratherthanatGavin.

Rowsofmodest,butwell-kepthomeslinedthestreets.

Hepulledintoadriveway,andbeforeIcouldevenregisterwe’darrived,Mollyhadmydooropen.

“Becca!”Ijumpeddownandletherpullmeintoahug.Iheardsomelightlaughterandlookedpast

Mollytofindherhusband.

“YoumustbeBen.”

“Yes,andyoumustbeBecca.It’snicetofinallymeetyou.”Hesmiledwarmly,andIunderstood

immediatelywhatitwasabouthimthatappealedtoMolly.Hehadsuchagenuinefeelabouthim,like

whatyousawwaswhatyougot.Ipridedmyselfonbeingabletoreadpeople.Unfortunately,Icouldn’t

readGavinatall.

AssoonasMollyreleasedme,BenwenttohelpGavinpulloutmybags.

“Okay,nowdoyouwanttoexplaintomewhyyou’rewithGavin?”Mollyasked.

“Mycarbrokedown.”

“OldFaithfulbrokedown?Never.”Shefailedtosuppressasmileasshespokeofmybeat-up,old

VWbug.Irefusedtogiveitupnomatterhowoftenpartsbroke.Ofcourse,ithadalmoststrandedmein

themiddleofnowhere.Itmighthavebeentimetoreconsider.

“AndGavinjusthappenedtocomeuponyou…”

“Comeon,Mol,wouldIeverturnmybackonadamselindistress?”Therewasanedgetohis

words,andIdidn’tknowhowmuchofitwassarcasmandhowmuchwashurt.

Mollybrushedoffhiscomment.“Well,thanks.DidyoucallforatowtruckorshouldI?”

“I’lltakecareofit.”

“Thanks,man,”Bensaidpolitely.Iknewtherewasnolovelostbetweenthetwoofthem.Gavin

hadn’tbeenhappywhenMollydecidedtomakethingspermanentwithBen.

“Allright.Goodnightthen.”

“Thanks.”IrealizedIhadn’tsaidityet.

“You’rewelcome.”HeactuallysmiledatmebeforegettingbackinhisdarkgreenSUV.I’d

originallythoughtitwasblack,butinthelightIcouldseeitstruecolor.Therewassomethinggenuine

aboutthesmilethatmademewonderiftherudenesswasjustakneejerkresponse.

ChapterTwo

Gavin

Becca’sscentlingeredinmyYukonasIpulledawayfromMollyandBen’shouse.Somethingabout

thatlastlookshegaveme—thesmallthankyou—threwmeoff.I’dbeenajerktoher,andyetshe’dstill

botheredtosaythankyou.Itdidn’tfit.Itwaslikeherbags:theywereallwornandmismatched.They

matchedhercar,butnother.IdoubtedI’deverfigureherout,butIshouldn’thavecared.

WhatwasitaboutthegirlthatIcouldn’tgetheroutofmyhead?Fromthenorthandjustintownfor

thesummer,shewastheoppositeofwhatIneededinmylife.ThelastnorthernerI’dfallenforhad

pummeledmyheartintosomethingbarelyrecognizable.IrefusedtoeventhinkaboutDawn.

Iwasrunninglate,butIcouldstillmakeittopokernightifIwentstraightovertoMatt’shouse.I

figuredanightwiththeguyswasexactlywhatIneeded.Maybeitwouldatleastgetmetostopthinking

aboutBecca.Ineededtoforgether.

IparkedalongthecurboutfrontofMatt’sbluesplit-level.WealwaysmetatMatt’sbecausehehad

anicesetupinhisbasement.ImadesuretogoaroundbacksoIwouldn’twakehiskidsbyringingthe

bell.

“Whatthehelltookyousolong?”TomgreetedmeasIsteppedthroughthedoor.We’dbeenmeeting

afewtimesamonthtoplayforaslongasI’dlivedintown,andifanything,Iwasalwaysearly.

Igrabbedabeerfromtheminifridge.“Youknow,justatypicaldayinmylife:helpingagirlwho

wasstrandedonthesideoftheroad.”

“Youreallynevertakeabreak,doyou?”Mattleanedbackinhisfoldingchair.

“Icouldn’tjustleaveherthere.”WhenIfirstsawthecaronthesideoftheroad,IknewI’dhaveto

stop.TherewasnowayIcoulddrivepast.Ifiguredithadtobeawoman.Nomanwoulddriveafaded

yellowbugwithfloweryinitialsonthebackwindow—atleastnotaroundClaytonFalls.It’snotasifI’d

everleaveanyoneonthesideoftheroad,butawoman?Forgetit.

“Sowasshehot?”Gregtossedaroundafewofhispokerchips,tryingtoactdisinterested.

Hot?Thatwasanunderstatement.WhenI’dknockedonthedriver’ssidewindowofhercar,I’d

expectedawoman,butnotafacelikethat.Inoticedherlarge,chocolatebrowneyesfirst,butitwasthe

wholeeffectthatgotmyattention,andthatlongbrownhair.Shewasbeautiful,andbeautifulwomenwere

alwaysthemostdangerous.IthoughtabouthowgoodBecca’sasslookedinhertightjeans—not

somethingIneededtobefocusingon.

Iavoidedthequestion.“Isn’tthatsupposedtobeRonny’sline?Whereisheanyway?”

Mattshuffledadeckofcards.“Heisn’tcoming.Somethingtodowithwork.”

“Really?Ishesuddenlygettingresponsibleonus?”

Tomlaughed.“Maybe,butyouneveransweredGreg’squestionaboutthegirl.”Leaveittomybest

friendandpartnertobringitbacktoher.

“Shewasattractive,butthatwasn’ttheimportantpart.She’sMolly’sfriendfromBoston.”

“Seriously?Youjusthappeneduponher?Howrandomisthat?”

“Iknow.Thatremindsme,Ineedtocallinatoweventually.”

“ToDale’s?”GregfinishedoffthelastofabagofDoritos.

“Whereelse?”Idon’tknowwhyGregevenbotheredtoask.Heworkedattheonlygarageintown.

“Sowhatwasshelike?”Mattsetasidethecards.

“Whatdoyoucare?”ItookaseatnexttoTom,throwingatwentydownonthetableandgrabbing

mychips.

Mattplayedwithabeerlid,tryingtomakeitspin.“She’sworkingformethissummer,remember?”

“AndthefifteenminutesIspentwithherweresupposedtosomehowenlightenmeaboutwhatkind

ofemployeesheis?”Icouldn’tpictureherworkingatthelawofficeMattsharedwithhisfather.

“IguessI’lljusthavetowaituntilMondayandfindoutformyself.”

“Idon’tbuyit.You’reholdingbackonus.”Tomopenedabeer.

“Ohcomeon.Igavethegirlaride.Ihavenothingmoreexcitingtoreport.”Ireallydidn’t,unless

theywantedtohearaboutourargument.Istilldidn’tunderstandhowthathappened.I’djustbeentryingto

makeconversationwhenitallspiraledoutofcontrol.

Westartedtoplay,butmyheadwasn’tinit.Istillkepttryingtowrapmymindaroundthegirl.She

remindedmeofasongstuckinmyhead.Icouldn’tstopthinkingabouther.

Tomshuffledthecards.“Soyouguysreadytoloseagaintonight?Kellyreallyappreciatesthe

donations.”

OfcourseTomhadtorileusupbeforestarting.Wealwaysplayedwinner-takes-all,andherarely

lost.Therestofushardlycaredunlesshebecametoococky.Itwasusuallyonlyafterhisfifthbeerthat

therestofushadachance,andluckilythatdidn’ttakelong.

Itookalongswigfrommybeer.“Ifyourecall,lastweekItookthewinnings.”

“Everyonegetsluckysometimes.Thatonlyputsyouacouplehundreddollarsintheholeoverthe

lastfewyears.”

“Shutupanddeal.”IwasinnomoodtolistentoTom’sribbing.

ChapterThree

Becca

“Istillcan’tbelieveyou’reactuallyhere!”Mollysaidforthethirdtime.Wewerecurleduponher

couchdrinkinghotcocoa.Eventhoughitwaseasilyninety-fivedegreesout,westilldrankhotchocolate.

Itwasjustourthingfromcollege.We’dspentmorenightsthanIcouldcountsittinguplatewithcocoa

talkingabouteverylittledetailofourlives—excepttheimportantparts.Thosetalksusuallyhappened

overabottleofwine.

“Yup,I’mhere.”Ismiled.

Sheleanedovertohugme,almostspillingmycocoa.

“Sorry.”Sheapologized,stillgrinning.

IwastryingtogetusedtothisbubblyversionofMolly.We’dbeenfriendssincefreshmanyearof

college,andshe’dneverbeentheoverlyhappytype.Evenwhenshe’dsmiled,therewasstillthehintof

sadness.ThatonlygotworsethelastyearshewasinBostonwithme.Herfiancé’sdeathpractically

destroyedher.That’swhy,asmuchasImissedhavingheraround,Iknewshewasbetteroffwhereshe

was—withBen.

“It’sallright.Mysuperreflexessavedtheday.”

“Haha,I’vemissedmysuperhumanbestfriend.”

Superhuman.Ifonly.

Shemusthavenoticedmyfrown.“Howareyoudoing?Yousoundedsodownonthephonethe

otherday.”

“Yeah,sorryaboutthat.”Foronce,Iletmyfaçadeofperpetualoptimismfall.I’dbeenplayingthe

partforsolong,butwitheverythingsnowballingaroundme,Ididn’thavethestrengthtokeepitup

anymore.“Iwasjustgoingthroughsomestuffformymom’sestatewiththeattorney.You’dthink,sinceI

washeronlyfamily,itwouldbeeasy,butit’sstillsocomplicated.”Iranmyfingersoverthesnowflakes

onmymug.We’dhadsimilaronesatmyhousegrowingup.

Mymom’sdeathhadn’tbeenunexpected.She’dfoughtbreastcancerforyears,butthelonelinessI

facedafterlosingmyonlyfamilyrockedmetothecore.Mygradesslipped,andthat’sprobablywhyIlost

mycovetedsummerjob.IpreferredthatreasoningtomybossesthinkingIwasn’tgoodenough.

“Ibet.I’msorryyou’vehadtogothroughallofthatalone.”

Isawtheguiltreflectedinherblueeyes.ThatwastheMollyIremembered.

“No,don’tgothere.You’rewhereyoushouldbe.I’mdoingfine.It’sjustnicetogetaway.”There

wasnowayIwasbringingherdownwithme.IfIwentunder,Iwasgoingalone.

“Ithinkyou’regoingtolikeithere.Thefirmyou’reworkingatisultra-casual,nothinglikethefirms

inBoston.”

“Ibet.Istillcan’tbelievetheyhiredmewithjustaphoneinterview,though.”

Shesetdownhernowemptycup.“Theyonlydidthatinterviewtomakeyoufeelbetter.”

“Mytranscriptandrecommendationletterswereenough?”Sure,mylettersweregood,butnotthat

good.

“You’remyfriend.Mr.MorganwasmyDad’sgoodfriend.It’sjusthowthingsworkaroundhere.”

Itfeltstrangetogetajobjustbecauseofconnections,butIfigureditdidn’tmatteraslongasIworked

hardandprovedmyself.

“Well,hopefullyIwon’tletthemdown.”

“Youwon’t.You’resuperhuman,remember?”

“Uhhuh.”

Thefrontdooropened,announcingBen’sreturnfromrehearsal.Thenighthadflownby.

“Wow,Ididn’texpecttofindyougirlsstillup.”Heputdownhisguitar,leaningovertokissMolly.

“We’vehadalottocatchupon.”Mollybeamedupathim.

“So,Jake’sofficiallyout.Thepoolhouseisready.”Bentookaseatonthearmofthesofabeside

Molly.Hedefinitelyhadthoseboynextdoorgoodlooks,andconsideringhistannedskin,heprobably

lovedthesunjustasmuchasMolly.

Shesmiled.“Oh,great.”

“Poolhouse?”Isatupstraighter.

“Ohyeah,Iforgottotellyou.Ifoundyouaplacetostay.Iknowyoudidn’twanttostayinmyold

bedroomallsummer.”MollyandBenhadboughtherchildhoodhomeandwerefixingitupinstages.

Currently,herbedroomlookedthewayshe’dleftitsenioryearofhighschool—stuffedanimalsandall.

“Sowhere’sthispoolhouseexactly?”Ididn’twanttoplaytheunwelcomehouseguest,butIalso

didn’twanttostayatsomerandomperson’shome.ThiswasallstuffIprobablyshouldhavefiguredout

beforeleavingBoston,butMollyhadassuredmeshe’dtakecareofitall.I’dneededabreakfrom

worryingandlistened.

“It’satmyparents’house.Mybrotherfinallymovedout,soit’syoursforthesummer.”Benslid

downoffthearmofthecouch,pushingMollyoverforaminutebeforepullingherintohislap.Itriednot

tofeeluncomfortableattheintimategesture.

“Areyousure?Don’tyourparentscare?”Therehadtobeacatch.Peopledidn’tjustletperfect

strangersstayintheirhomes—orpoolhouses.Itsoundedsofunny.Ihadn’trealizedBenwaswealthy

enoughtohavesuchaniceplace.Butthenagain,Mollyhadtoldmerealestatewasreallycheapin

ClaytonFalls.

“Notatall.They’rethrilled.First,itgavethemanexcusetokickJakeout,plusMomisexcitedto

haveagirlaround.ShecomplainstomeconstantlythatMollyisn’toverenough.”

“Icanpaysomething,”Iofferedquickly.Ididn’thavemuch,butsurelyIcouldcontributealittle.

“There’snowaymyparentsaregoingtotakeyourmoney.Really,it’snotaproblem.”

Idecidedtodropit.ItwouldbepointlesstoarguesomuchthatIannoyedmyhost.“Allright.Well,

thanks.”

“It’sourpleasure.You’refamily,Becca.”Mollyreachedoverandpattedmyleg.

Family.AwordIwasn’tsureI’deversayagain.ItonlyremindedmethatMomwasgone.She’d

gottenherbreastcancerdiagnosisyearsbefore,butaftertreatmentsandafewremissions,I’dalmost

forgottenthatdyingwasevenapossibility.Allofthatchangedwhenshehadtheseizure,andwerealized

hercancerhadspreadtoherbrain.Althoughtheradiationtreatmentsstoppedtheseizures,shewasnever

thesame.TheterrorofwatchingsomeoneyoulovebecomeadifferentpersonwassomethingIwouldn’t

wishonmyworstenemy.

“IthinkI’mgoingtoturnin.”Istoodup,pickingupboththecocoamugstobringthemintothe

kitchen.

Mollynodded.“Allright,we’llmoveyouovertomorrow.Thenwe’llgobythegarageandcheck

onyourcar.”

“Soundsgood.”IleanedovertohugMollygoodnight.

“Ifyouneedanything,justask.”

“Thanks.I’msotiredI’llprobablyjustcollapse.”

“Ibet.Sleepwell.”

Iwalkedupstairsandgotwashedupinthesmallhallbathroom.Itfeltfunnytobeinthehouse

whereMollygrewup.AscloseasMollyandIwereincollege,thiswasapieceofherIdidn’tknow

muchabout.Shewasalwaysalittleclosedupaboutherchildhood.

IpulledonmyfavoritesummerPJs,avoidinglookingdirectlyatmyscarsoutofhabit.Therewas

noreasontoupsetmyselfbeforebed.I’dresistedtheurgetocheckMolly’sfrontdoor,butIdecidedto

lockherbedroomdoorjustincase.Satisfiednoonecouldbargeinwithoutmeknowing,Icurledup

underthecoversofheroldtwinbedandtriedtosleep.

Itwastoodark.Weren’tthereanystreetlights?Iwasusedtotheconstantglowofthecity.Athome,

ifIleftmyblindsupevenasmidge,Ihadareadymadenightlight.Ithoughtaboutturningonthelamp,but

IdecidedtowaituntilMollywenttobedsoshewouldn’tnoticethelightshiningfromundermydoor.I

triedtokeepmymindoccupied,silentlysingingthelyricstoasongI’dheardontheradioatleastadozen

timesonmydrivedown.

IheardMolly’sgigglesasshecameupstairswithBenawhilelater.IwaiteduntilIheardtheirdoor

closebeforegettingoutofbedtoturnonthelamp.Itwasonlythen,whenthedarknesshadbeen

extinguishedandIlayawakeintheprivacyoftheilluminatedbedroom,thatIletmyselffeelthejealousy

thathadbeenunderthesurfaceallevening.IwashappyforMolly,Ireallywas—butIknewour

friendshipasIknewitwasover.ShehadBennow.Shedidn’tneedmethewaysheusedto.Andbecause

ofthat,Iwasn’tallowedtoneedher.I’dneverfeltthatwaywhenshe’dbeenwithAdam,hercollege

boyfriendandfiancé,butthenagain,Idon’tthinkheeverreallycompletedher.Itriedtopushmyselfish

thoughtsfrommyheadandeventuallydriftedofftosleep.

***

Afterbreakfast,MollyandBendrovemeovertomynewplaceforthesummer.Thepoolhousewas

reallyjustonebigroomwithaqueensizedbed,asittingareawithahugeTV,andasmallkitchen.A

bathroomroundedofftheplace.Thebestpartwasthat,beingthepoolhouse,itwasrightnexttothepool.

“Itmusthavebeenawesometogrowupwithapoolinyourbackyard.”Ilookedlonginglyoutthe

window.

“Youcandefinitelyuseitallyouwant.Myparentswillbeglad.Mostofthetime,itjustsits

unused.”BenflippedthroughapileofoldCDsonthecounter.Iassumedhisbrotherhadleftthem.

“That’sawesome.I’dlovetoswimsomelapsinthemorning.”Iwasalreadyitchingtogetinthe

water.I’dbeenstartingmymorninginthepoolsincecollege.IfIcouldn’tswim,I’drun,butconsidering

theheat,itwasnicetoknowIwouldn’thavetoresorttoit.

We’dgonebytherepairshoptocheckonmycar,butitwasgoingtotakeatleastanotherday.The

guysaidsomethingaboutorderingapart.Ididn’tmindwaiting,butIhopeditwouldn’tputtoomuchofa

dentinmyVisabalance.MollyofferedtoletmeborrowhercarforworkonMonday,andsheassuredme

shedidn’tneedit.Ididn’tdoubther.TheMollyIrememberedhateddriving.

MollyleftafterIconvincedherIwasmorethancapableofunpackingmyownclothes.Shewas

supposedtomeetwithsomeclients,andIdidn’twanttogetinthewayofhersmallbutthriving

photographybusiness.OnlyMollywouldquitlawschoolandendupmakingmoneyasaphotographer.In

somewaysIenviedher.Ididn’thaveacreativeboneinmybody.

Afterputtingawaythelastofmyclothesandstowingmysuitcasesinthecloset,Ipoppedinoneof

themoviesI’dbroughtwithme.Itwasasunnydayout,butitwashotandhumid,andIdidn’thave

anywhereelsetogo.IwantedtomakesureIdidn’tsmotherMolly.

Ihadjustreachedthegoodpartofthemoviewhenthedoorburstopen.Ijumped,unabletobelieve

I’dforgottentolockthedoorafterMollyleft.Itwassounlikeme.Ipanicked,untilIsawaguywho

lookedalotlikeBenstandinginthedoorwaywearingahugegrin.Irelaxed.ThishadtobeBen’s

brother.Theyevenhadthesamesmile.

“Oh,hi.Sorry,Ididn’tknowyouwereherealready.”

“Hey,that’sfine.”Itriedtohidejusthowmuchhisintrusionfrightenedme.“YoumustbeJake.”

“Thatwouldbeme.You’reBecca,right?”

“Uhhuh.”Ireachedfortheremotetopausethemovie.I’dthrownitoffthecouchinsurprise.

“I’llgetoutofyourhairinasecond.IjustrealizedIforgotafewbooks.”Heclosedthedoor

behindhim.Atleasthewasgoodaboutkeepingthecoolairinside.

IpickedupthetwopaperbacksthathadbeenonthefloorbytheTV.“AKenFolletfan,huh?”

“Yeah,I’monakick.Whataboutyou?”

“Ireadalittleofeverything.”

“Youallmovedin?”Heglancedaround,maybecheckingforanychanges.

“Yeah,Ididn’thavemuch.”Ihopedhedidn’tblamemeforhavingtomove.“Didyoumove

nearby?”

“I’macrosstown,closertowhereMollyandBenlive.”

“Isyourplacenice?”

“Asniceasanyrentalhouseis,Iguess.Itwastimeformetogetoutofhere.Ilikethatmyparents

can’tjuststopbyallthetime.”

Ismiled.“That’sagoodthing.”

Hepeeredovermyshoulder,suddenlynoticingtheTV.“IsthatDawnoftheDead?”

“Yup.”

“Interestingmoviechoice.”

“Hey,watchingazombieapocalypsekindofputsyourownproblemsintoperspective.”

Helaughed.“Verytrue.MindifIjoinyouforabit?Ilovethismovie.”Withoutwaitingfora

response,heslumpeddownnexttomeonthecouch.Youcouldtellhe’dbeenlivingthere.Hewasrightat

home.

“Sure,”IansweredeventhoughIdidn’tneedto.Ipressedplay,startingthemovieupagain.

Jakegrabbedtheremoteandturnedupthevolume.Asifanafterthought,heglancedovertomake

sureIdidn’tmind.

MollyhaddescribedJakeasaclassAjerk,butheseemedprettycooltome.Hedefinitelywasn’t

mytype,butIcouldseeusbecomingfriends.

“SowhatexcitingactivitiesdoesMollyhaveplannedforyoutonight?”heaskedasthecredits

rolled.

“Um,shewantstointroducemetosomeofherfriends.Shesaidtheyallhangoutatsomebar.”

“Nice.You’regoingtoexperienceClaytonFall’sfinestestablishment,Gill’s.”

Ilookedoverathim.“AnythingIshouldknowbeforeIgo?”

“Yeah,expecteverydrunkguytohitonyou,anddon’ttakeanythingpeoplesaypersonally.”His

brownhairwasshaggy,acontrasttoBen’sbuzzedlook.Hekindofhadthatsurferboythinggoingfor

him.

“Okay...I’llkeepthatinmind.”

“Cool.Allright,I’mgoingtogetoutofhere.I’llseeyoutonight?”

“Areyougoingtobetheretoo?”

“Foryou,I’llmakeanappearance.”

“Iappreciatethesacrifice.”Iwasquitecertainhewouldbegoinganyway.

“WhatcanIsay?Iaimtoplease.”

Ilaughed.“Thanksforthecompany.”

“Thanksforthehospitality.”

IsmiledasIlockedupbehindhimandwonderedwhattherestofmyfirstdayintownwouldhold.

ChapterFour

Gavin

Icouldn’tbelievethisiswhatmylifehadcometo.IsatonastoolatGill’sblendinginwiththerest

oftheusualcrowd.I’dneverbeenmuchofadrinker,butdesperatetimescallfordesperatemeasures.I

wasn’treallythereforthealcohol.Therewasjustnothingelsetodointown.Melissa,aperkyblond,sat

nexttome,constantlypawingatmyarmtogetmyattention.Shewasaniceenoughlookinggirl,butI

nevergotthesensetherewasanythinggoingoninthatheadofhers.Ineededatleastasemblanceof

brains.Ihopedignoringherwouldgiveherthemessage.

“Damn,who’sthat?”myfriendRonnyaskedfromafewstoolsdown.Hiseyesnearlybuggedoutof

hishead.Ifollowedhisgaze.

“Ohhell.Iguessthiswasgoingtohappeneventually.”BeccahadjustwalkedinwithMollyand

Ben,lookingaroundherasifshewasenteringaforeigncountry.

“Itakeityouknowher?”

“That’sMolly’sfriendfromBoston,”Isaidflatly.

“Oh.She’shot.Iguessgoodlookinggirlsareusuallyfriendswithoneanother.”

“Notalways.”

Ronnychuckled.“Doyouknowanythingabouther?”

“She’sintownforthesummertoworkforMattandhisdad.”

“Really?Soshe’llbehereallsummerthen.”Icouldalmostseethewheelsturninginhishead.

“Uhhuh,”Isaiddisinterestedly,butreallyIwaswatchinghermilehighlegs,exposedbyhershort

blackskirt,comingcloser.Imovedmyattentionuptothet-shirtclingingtoherbreasts.Ishookmyself.

Beccamightbehot,butIwasn’tgoingthere.

“Matt’sintrouble,isn’the?There’snowayhiswifeknowshehiredsomeonewholookslikethat.”

“He’llblameitonhisdad.Besides,Idon’tthinktheycouldhaveknownhowshelooked.”

“True,butNancywillstillbepissed.”

“Probably.”Ireallydidn’tcarewhatMatt’swifethought.

“Haveyoumetheryet?”HeeyedBeccalikeapieceofmeat.Icouldn’tblamehim.Almostnoone

newevercametotown.I’ddonethesamethingtoMollyayearago.

“Yeah,Igaveherarideintotownwhenhercarbrokedown.”

“Ibetyoudid.”

Ifinishedmybeerandsetitonthebar.“Iadmitthegirl’sgoodlooking,butshe’snotmytype.”

“Soyoudon’tcareifIgotalktoher?”Hegotupwithoutwaitingformyanswer.

“Bemyguest.”

ItriedtoignorethejealouspangIfeltwhenIwatchedBeccasmilewhenRonnyintroducedhimself.

Itwasn’tanyofmybusiness.Melissa,probablynoticingmyoglingofBecca,gaveupandwenttofind

anotherguytotalkto.

Iaskedthebartender,Katie,foranotherbeer.ShepassedmeaMiller.“Staringatthatgirlisn’t

goingtobringheranycloser.”

“I’mnotstaring.”

“Whateveryousay,Gavin.”

“HowcanInotlookather?Doyouseehowshortthatskirtis?I’mnotdoinganythingworsethan

therestoftheguysinhere.”

KatielookedoveratBecca.“Theskirt’snotthatshort.Herlegsarejustthatlong.Lucky.”

Ilaughed.“Aw,yougettingjealousofthenewgirl?”

“WhywouldI?I’vegotChris.Besides,you’retheonewholooksjealous.”Sheputahandonher

hipassheleanedtowardme.“Stopdrooling,andgotalktoher.”

“I’vealreadymether.Notmytype.”Ipoppedopenmybeer.

“Youdon’tliketall,gorgeousbrunettes?Anddidn’tyousayshe’sMolly’sfriendfromlawschool?

Soshe’ssmarttoo.What’ssowrongwithher?”Katiepulledapintforanothercustomer.

“She’sfromBoston.”

“Oh,okay,thatclearseverythingup.”Katierolledhereyesbeforewalkingaway.

IlookedbackoveratBecca.Christ,ithadgottenworse.JakeMathewshadanarmslungoverher

shoulderlikeheownedher.WhatwasitaboutthoseMathewsboysthatgirlswentfor?Ididn’tgetit.

Whatever.Itwasn’tlikeIcared.Sure,I’dbeendisappointedwhenMollygotbacktogetherwithBen,but

itdidn’tmatterthistime.

Beccaspottedme.Firstshelookedsurprised,butthenherlipscurvedupintoaslightsmile,andshe

wavedtentatively.Damnit,why’dshehavetosmileatmethatway?Iliftedmybeerinrecognitionbut

thenturnedaway.Thatshouldgiveherthehint.It’snotasifsheneededmoreattention.

“Youreallyarealoser.”Katiewipeddownthebar.

“Shutup.”

“Comeon,agirllikethatsmilesatyouininvitation,andyoushutherdown?Cold.”

“I’mjustsavingusbothtime.Besides,itlookslikeMathewsisdoingagoodjobkeepingher

company.Andifnot,Ronny’snextinline.”Ileanedforwardonmyelbowstogetabetterview.

“Shesmiledatyou.”ShetossedherragatmeknowingI’dduckoutoftheway.

“Mindyouownbusiness.”Ipickedupthetowelandthrewitdownonthebar.

“Fine.Butdon’tcomecomplainingtomewhenyouregretit.”

“Trustme.EvenifIdidregretit,whichIwon’t,you’dbethelastoneI’dtalkto.”

“Good.”Shesmiled,beforewalkingawaytohelpsomeoneelse.

“Hey!YoumustbeBecca!It’ssonicetomeetyou.”Avoicethatloudonlybelongedtoonegirl.

Kelly:bestfriendtoMollyandwifeofmypartner,Tom.

IwatchedKellypullBeccaintoanintensehug.Iwaitedtoseeherface.Ifiguredthatkindofhug

wouldthrowheroff.Instead,shegrinned.Gofigure.Thegrouppushedafewtablestogetherandsat

down.Ifrowned,missingmyviewofBecca’slegsmorethanIwantedtoadmit.

“Hey,man.”Tomsnuckuponme.

“Hey.”

“So,youdidn’tmentionthatyourdamselindistresslookslikeafreakingsupermodel.”

“Itdidn’tseemrelevant.”Ifocusedonmybeer.

“Bullshit.”Hefakedacough.

“Whatdoyouwantmetosay?”

“Thatyouaren’tsuddenlybattingfortheotherteam.What’sup?”

“SomethingisupbecauseIdon’ttrytolayeverygirlwhocomesintothistown?”Iignoredthe

insinuationinhiscomment.IknewTomwasn’tactuallyhomophobic.

“Areyougoingtositheredrinkingalone,orareyougoingtojoinus?”Ididn’tneedtolookoverto

knowhegesturedtothetable.

“Wouldthatmakeyouhappy?”

Heshrugged.“Notreally,butitwouldbehumoroustoseeyouovertherewithbothMathews.”

“Fuckyou.”

Tomlaughed.“So,areyoucoming?”

“Whynot?”Igrabbedmyhalf-finishedbeer,followedhimover,andpulledachairovertotheend

ofthetable.

“Hey,Gavin,”KellyandMollysaidatthesametimewhichtheyapparentlythoughtwashilarious

andstartedlaughing.

“Hello.”

BeccaturnedawayfromJaketolookatme.Herglancewastentative,asifshewasafraidI’drebuff

heragain.Iguessshehadeveryrighttoexpectit.Ididn’tdisappoint.Shelookeddownatthetablefora

secondbeforeturningbacktoJake.Idon’tknowwhyIwasbeingsuchajerktoher,otherthanthefact

thatheraccentremindedmeofDawn’s.Ialsoknewsheprobablythoughtwewereabunchofhicks.

“Soyoudecidedtograceuswithyourpresence?”Ronnyasked.HisfrustrationatJakefor

monopolizingBecca’sattentionwasblatantlyobvious.

“Yeah,Ididn’tseeanybetteralternative.”Ipickedatthecornerofthelabelonmybeer.

“Youknowyouloveus,Gav.”Kellysoundedallsugarysweet.

“Yougotmethere.”

Beccalaughed,andIturnedtowardher.Herlaughwasreal.Itkindofmatchedher.Iwaspretty

sureshewaslaughingatmycomment,andIlikedknowingI’dcausedit.Great,Iwasgettingpossessive

overmakingherlaughnow.

“SowhatdoyouthinkofClaytonFallssofar?”Tomaskedher.

Shehesitatedforamoment.“It’s,uh,differentfromwhatI’musedto,butit’snice.”

“Nice?”Jakeasked.“Isthatcodefor‘getmethehelloutofhere’?”

Shelaughedagain.Obviously,Iwasn’ttheonlyonewhoamusedher.“No,itmeansnice.Isaywhat

Imean.”

Mollyleanedforwardlikeshewasabouttoletusinonabigsecret.“She’sseriousaboutthat.Be

careful.Don’taskforheropinionunlessyouwantbrutalhonesty.IlearnedthatthehardwaywhenIasked

herwhetherIcouldpulloffleggingsandUggboots.”

Beccasighed.“Idon’tseewhypeopleaskquestionsiftheydon’twanttohearthetruth.”

“Maybetheywantreassurance,support.”ThewordswereoutofmymouthbeforeIcouldthink

aboutfilteringthem.

“Soyou’dprefersomeonelietoyouratherthanhavethemdashyourconfidence?”Sheclaspedher

handstogetherandleanedforward.

“Insomecircumstances.”Ifoldedmyarmsacrossmychest.Iwasjustitchingforanargument.

“Insomecircumstances?Wheredoyoudrawtheline?”

“There’svalueinmakingpeoplehappy.”Ididn’tknowwhatthehellIwassaying.Itdidn’tmatter.

Shetensedslightly.“Well,domeafavor:sparemethesympathylies.”

“Iwasn’tplanningonbutteringanythingupforyou,sweetheart.Itwouldn’tbeworththeeffort.”

Mollyreachedoverandsmackedmylegunderthetable.

“Ouch.”Thewordsortofslippedout.

“Whatthehellhasgottenintoyou?”Shehitmewithadeadlyglare.Ben’sarmwrapped

protectivelyaroundher.

“Don’tworryaboutit,Mol.It’smyaccenthehates.Orwait,that’sjustwhatmakesmedifferent

fromyou.”

“What?”Mollylookedbackandforthbetweenus.

“Isn’tthatwhatyousaid?Iwasn’twhatyouexpectedbecauseIwasn’tmorelikeher?”

“You’renotatalllikeMolly.”WhatthehellwasIdoing?It’snotasifIwantedMollyanymore.

Partofmeexpectedhertostormawayfromthetable,butsheheldherground.“That’sokay,

becauseyou’renothinglikeBen.”Thegirlcouldplayball.

“Allright,youtwosoundthewayMollyandIusuallydo.”Jakescowledatmeashereferredtohis

famousdisputeswithhissister-in-law.FromwhatIunderstood,they’dbeenfightingconstantlysincethey

werekids.

Ronnygotanimpishgrin.“Areyousureyoutwodidn’tsleeptogetherlastnight?”

“No,”webothsaid.

Beccacrossedherarms,causingthefabricofhert-shirttopulltightlyacrossherchest.

Tomlaughed,givingmealooktoletmeknowhe’dcaughtmecheckingherout.Ishruggedandtook

thelastswigofmybeer.Iwantedanother,butIwasn’tgoingtodrivedrunk.

“So…”RonnytriedtolightenthemoodandturnedhisattentionbacktoBecca.“Whatareyour

plans?”

“IstartworkonMonday.I’mnotsureabouttomorrow.WhatamIdoing?”ShelookedatMolly.

“We’respendingthedayatthebeach.Youneedsomesun.”

Beccasmiled.“Soundsgood.”

“Whenareyougoing?Imightjoinyouguys.”Jakegrinned.

“We’llprobablydobreakfastatSurfSongfirst,butafterthatwe’llbethere.”

“Okay,cool.”

Ilistenedtotheirbanterforawhilebeforeexcusingmyself.Ipurposelyavoidedlookingoverat

Beccaagain.Sheseemedtobringouttheworstinme.

IheardMollycommentasIwalkedaway.“What’supwithGavin?Thatwassooutofcharacterfor

him.”

Ididn’tcastaglanceback.IwishIknew.

ChapterFive

Becca

I’dneverbeeninasmalltownbarbefore.Sure,I’dspenttimeinmyshareofdivesandholeinthe

wallplaces,buttheywerestilldistinctlyurban.Gill’swassomethingelse.

WalkinginwithMollyandBenwasoverwhelmingtosaytheleast.Theykneweveryone.Ismiled

politely,butIfeltincrediblyoutofplace.EventhoughIwasn’tdresseddifferently,IknewIstoodoutlike

asorethumb.

Aguywithdirtyblondhairtouchedmyarmgentlytogetmyattention.“Hello,Ihaven’thadthe

pleasureofmeetingyouyet.”

“Oh,hey,Ronny.Thisismyfriend,Becca,”Mollyansweredforme.

Iacceptedhishandshakeandreturnedhiswarmsmile.Hewascuteandbeingnicetome.Iwasn’t

goingtowastetheopportunitytomakealliesinthistown.

“So,rumorhasityou’reworkingfortheMorgansthissummer.”

“Yeah,theywereniceenoughtohireme.”Icouldn’tbelievehowsmallthetownreallywas.Molly

wasn’tkiddingwhenshesaidthateveryonekneweveryoneandeachother’sbusiness.Iwasusedtothe

relativeanonymityofabigcity,andIwasn’tsureIlikedthechange.

“Cool,Matt’sachillguy,andhisdad’sgreat.Ithinkyou’lldowellwiththem.”Hesmiledatme

again.Icouldtellhewastryinghardtoputmeatease.

“That’swhateveryone’ssaying.”

“Sowhatbringsyouhere?Imean,besidestheincrediblejobopportunity.”

Ilaughed.“Ineededachange.It’sbeenaroughyear,andwhenMollysuggestedIcomedown,I

couldn’tresist.”

“Nice.Nottheroughyearpart,butyouknow.”

“Yeah,Iknow.”

“Ohdamnit.ImissedyoulosingyourGill’svirginity.”Jakeputanarmaroundmyshoulder.I’m

sureIblushed.Thatboyhadastrangesenseofhumor.

“Gill’svirginity?”

“Yeah,Imeanyouonlyhaveyourfirstvisitonce.”Hewriggledaneyebrow.

“Ohmygod.Jake,you’resoweird.”Mollyrolledhereyes.

Ilaughed.“Wellwehaven’tbeenherelong,soyoudidn’tmissmuch.”

Mollyturnedtowardme.“I’msorryabouthim.He’stheoppositeofagoodwine.Hegetsworse

withage.”

Jakeglaredather.“Ascomparedtoyouwho—”

“Don’teventhinkaboutit.”BencutJakeoff.Ithoughtthebrothersmightfight,butthetensionbroke

whenBenlaughed.“Oh,sometimesIcan’tstandthelove.”Evidentlyhewasusedtotheirbickering.

Itookaminutetoreallylookaroundthebar.Theusualparaphernalialinedthewalls:neonsigns

andbeeradvertisements.Itwasreallyjustthefeeloftheplacethatwasforeign.Ilookedoveratthebar

andnoticedGavin.Ismiled,wonderingifhisweirdreactiontomewasonlybecauseIcaughthimina

badmood.Evidentlynot.Hehelduphisbeerinaquasi-greetingbeforeturningaway.Ishruggeditoff.He

wasn’tworththeeffort.IthoughtitwasweirdthatMollyhadwarnedmeaboutJake’smoodiness,butshe

alwaysmadeGavinouttobeaniceguy.Maybehewasonlynicetoher.

Molly’schildhoodbestfriend,Kelly,cameinandimmediatelypulledmeintoahug.Ifeltinstantly

drawntothebubblygirl.Icouldtellitwasn’tanact.Shereallywashappytomeetme.Iguesswehad

somethingbigincommon—webothlovedMolly.

Wepushedafewtablestogetherandsatdown.IendedupsandwichedbetweenRonnyandJake.It

wasaveryentertainingspottooccupy.Ronnywasacomedian,andJakewasasMollydescribedhim:

weird,butinacuteway.

IlookedupasGavinandKelly’shusband,Tom,satdownatthetable.ItentativelyglancedatGavin

again,buthedidn’tevenbothertoacknowledgemethistime.Whatajerk.Butthenagain,maybehe

thoughtIwasflirting,andhejustwasn’tinterested.Icouldn’tdenytheguywasniceontheeyes.Tall,tan,

andathletic,hewasprettymuchphysicalperfection.Heevenmanagedtomakeaoneortwodayold

beardlooksexy.IignoredhimandturnedbacktowardJake.

TomaskedmehowIwasenjoyingClaytonFalls,andItoldhimthetruth:Ilikedit,butitwas

different.SomehowthatendedupgettingmeinaweirdpseudofightwithGavin.Idon’treallyunderstand

howithappened,butitwasobviousneitheroneofuswasgoingtogivein.Iwasactuallygladwhen

Ronnybrokethetensionbymakingacrudecommentimplyingwe’dhookedup.Asif.

“Ignorehim,”Jakewhisperedreassuringlyinmyear.Inoddedandletmyselfgetexcitedabouta

dayatthebeach.

Gavinleftprettysoonafter,andthetensionwentwithhim.

“What’supwithGavin?Thatwassooutofcharacterforhim,”Mollyaskedassoonasheleft.

Tomlookedbehindhim,probablycheckingtomakesureGavinwasoutofearshot.“Idon’tknow.

He’sbeenactingfunnysincelastnight.Hepracticallytoreakidaparttodaywhenwepulledhimover.”

Ispokeup.“IthinkIupsethimsomehow.”

“Don’tthinkthat.Youhavenothingtodowithit,”Ronnysaidemphatically.

“Washereallygivingyouahardtimeaboutyouraccent?”Kellyasked.

“Yeah.ThenImadethemistakeoftellinghimhehadonetoo.Thatdidn’tgooversowell.”

Tomlaughed.“IwishIcouldhaveseenthat.”

“Really,don’tlethimputyouoff.Thepeoplehereareactuallyreallynice.”Kellysmiled.

“Youallcanstopreassuringme.I’mreallynotthatworriedaboutwhatonepersonthinksofme.”

Ofcourse,Iwasconfusedbyit.

“Allright,Ijustwantyoutofeelathomehere.”Mollyreachedacrossthetabletosqueezemyhand.

“Iknow,andIdo.ImeanhowcouldInotfeelathomeinmyamazingnewdigs?”

“See,Itoldyouyou’dlikethepoolhouse.”BennudgedMolly.Igotthevibethatshehadn’tbeen

tookeenontheidea,andhewastalkingtoherasmuchasme.

“You’relivingintheirpoolhouse?”Ronnysetdownhisemptybeer.

Jaketippedhischairback.“Yeah,the‘rentsuseditasanexcusetokickmeout.”

“It’sabouttime,”Benribbed.

Idecidedtojumpbackin.“Icanunderstandyourreluctancetoleave.Imean,livingrentfreehasits

perks.”

“Exactly.Finallysomeone’sonmyside.”

“Sheneversaidshewasonyourside,”Mollyteased.

“Shedidn’thaveto.Bytheway,Becca,doyouwantaridehome?IrealizedafterIleftthatIonce

againforgotthosebooks.”

“Sure,itdoesn’tmakesenseforMollyandBentogosooutoftheirway.”

“It’snotabigdeal,”Mollysaidquickly.

“Youreadytogo?Iwanttosurfinthemorning,soI’mgoingtoturninearly.”

“Sure.”Iwasdefinitelyreadytoheadhome.Ithadbeenaweirdnight.Istartedtosaymygoodbyes.

“Hey,Becca,canItalktoyouforasecond?”Ronnyasked.

“Sure…”

“Cool.”Hewalkedalittlewayfromthetable,andIfollowed.InoticedJakewatchuswithan

amusedexpression.

“Iknowthismightseemalittleforward,butI’dlovetotakeyououtsometime.”

“Oh,yeah?Thanks.”Ack,thanks?Ineverknewwhattosayinthatkindofsituation.

“Soisthatayes?”heaskedhopefully.

Ithoughtaboutitforamoment.Hewascuteandseemednice,butIknewnothingabouthim.Onthe

otherhand,offendinghimmightmakethingsweirdforMolly.Iwishedhehadn’tcorneredme.“Whatdid

youhaveinmind?”

“Maybedinneronenightthisweek?”

“Hereintown?”

Hegavemeafunnylook.“Sure,unlessyouwanttogointoWilmington.I’mgameforeither.It’sthe

companyI’mafter.”

“Well,Idon’tknowwhatmyhoursaregoingtobewithwork.”

“Okay.Icantellthisismakingyounervous.Howaboutcoffee?”

Irelaxedalittle.Coffeesoundedmorecasual.“Okay.”

“Great.CanIgetyournumber?”Igaveittohimandlethimprogramhisintomyphone.

“Youready?”Jakejoinedus.

“Yup,”Isaidquickly.Iwasn’tsurewhatwassupposedtohappennext.

“Goodnight.I’llcallyou.”Ronnysmiledbeforewalkingbacktothetable.

JakeandIwalkedouttothelot.Hestoppedinfrontofajeepwiththetopdown.“Ronnydidn’t

wastemuchtime,didhe?”

“No.Ididn’tseeitcoming.”Ipulledanelasticoffmywristtotieupmyhairsoitwouldn’tblow

allovertheplace.

“Whatdidyouagreeto?”Hestartedtheengineandpulledoutofthelot.

“Coffeeonenightthisweek.”

“Goodcall.Thatway,iftheconversationisboring,youdon’thavetosufferthroughawholemeal.”

“Itsoundslikeyouknowfromexperience.”

“Ido.IactuallyhaveacoffeedateofmyownonThursday.”

“Ohyeah?Who’stheluckygirl?”

“AjunioratUNC-WilmingtonImetatoneofBen’sshows.”

“Oh,wellyou’llhavetoletmeknowhowitgoes.”

“Sametoyou.IfRonnygetsoutofline,youjusttellme,okay?”

Ismiled.Itwasnicetohavesomeoneworriedaboutme.“Iwill.”

Wepulledintohisparent’sdriveway,buthedidn’tmovetogetout.“Don’tyouneedtocomeinand

getyourbooks?”

“Oh,I’lljustgetthosenexttime.”

“Youneverplannedtogetthem,didyou?”Icrossedmyarmsandtriedtobitebackasmile.

“Nope.ButIcouldtellyou’dhadenough.”

Ismiled.“Thanks.Thatwasreallycool.”

“Itry.Haveagoodnight.”

“Youtoo.”

AsIgotreadyforbed,IthoughtabouthowI’dmanagedtomakeafriend,lineupadate,andearn

myselfanenemy.Notbadforalittleovertwenty-fourhoursinanewtown.

ChapterSix

Becca

Mollypickedmeupforbrunch,andwemetupwithKellyatSurfSong,acuterestaurant

overlookingthewater.Thestaffwasfriendly,andtheyallseemedtoknowMollyandKelly.Iwasreally

goingtohavetogetusedtothat.AtMolly’ssuggestion,ItriedtheFrenchtoastandorderedminewith

strawberries.

“So,IhearyouhaveadatewithRonnylaterthisweek.”Kellygrinned,takingasipfromhermug.

“It’snotabigdeal.We’rejustmeetingforcoffee.”Idranksomeorangejuice,enjoyingits

obviouslyfreshsqueezedtaste.

“Uhhuh.”

“Mollydidn’tseemtothinkitwasabigdeal.IstheresomethingabouthimIshouldknow?”

“No.Hejustisn’ttheoneIwouldhavethoughtyouwouldhavegonefor.”

“Oh?Istheresomeoneyou’dsuggest?”Ireallydidn’tmindKellytalkingaboutmypersonallife.I

appreciatedherfriendlynature.Herwarmwelcomemadethetransitioneasier.

“TomandIbothfiguredyouwouldhavepickedGavin.”

Mollygroaned.“Ohplease.Tomisnotallowedtotrytosetupeverygirlwhocomestotownwith

Gavin.”

“It’snotjustTom.Gavinseriouslyneedsagirlfriend.”Kellyspreadjamonhertoast.

“Iwouldn’twasteyourbreath.I,uh,don’tthinkI’mhistype.”IsavoredabiteoftheFrenchtoast.I

couldn’trememberthelasttimeI’deatensuchacarb-heavybreakfast.“Ithinkthatwasmadepretty

obviouslastnight.”

“Wait,sodoesthatmeanhe’syourtype?”Kellypushed.

“No,”Isaidquickly.

Kellyrelaxedbackintoherchair.“You’reareallybadliar.”

Mollysnickered.“Thatsheis.It’sprobablygoodshe’sallabouthonesty.Whattheheckwasthat

aboutbytheway?”

“Hmm?”IlookedupfromstirringinapacketofSplendaintomycoffee.

“WhatwasthatwholefightwithGavinaboutlastnight?”

“LikeIknow?Seriously,youcouldhavewarnedmehewassointense.”

Mollylookedpensive.“Heisn’tusually.Besides,Ididn’texpectyouguystomeetsoquickly.It’s

prettyluckyhefoundyoutheothernight.”

Ishiveredinvoluntarily.Asannoyingastheguywas,Iwasgladhe’dbeentheonetofindme.I

couldhavebeendeadinaditchwithouthim.“Iknow.MaybehejustthoughtIwasungratefulor

something.”

“Maybe.I’msureyoucanfindawaytoreallythankhim,”Kellysaidsuggestively.

“Stopit,Kelly.Youwillnotsubjectmyinnocentfriendtoyourdirty,dirtymind.”Fromthelookon

Kelly’sface,IwasprettysureMollykickedherunderthetable.

Kellyrecovered,andhersmilereturned.“Innocentfriend?Areyoureallythatinnocent,Becca?”

Ishrugged.“Itdependshowyoudefineinnocent.”

“Wait,areyouatwenty-fouryearoldvirgin?”Kelly’smouthpracticallyfellopen.

“Doesitreallymatter?”

“Stopit,Kel,”Mollywarned.

“It’sokay.”Ireassuredher.“Ijusthaven’tmettherightguy.”Thatwasmystory,andIwassticking

toit.

“Okay,cool.Igetthat.Well,youmightwanttobecarefulwithRonnythen.He’s,uh,certainlynot

innocent.”

Ismiledlightly.“Iassumedthatmuch.IdoubtI’llbeseeinghimagainafterthisonecoffeedate.I

justfigureditcouldn’thurt.”

“Youknowwhoiskindofinnocentthough?”Kellyasked.

Iwasafraidtoheartheanswer.“Who?”

“Gavin.Imean,he’sobviouslynotavirgin,buthe’snotaplayereither.He’snotintothecasual

thing.”

Thatinformationsurprisedmealittle.Clearlybeingajerkdidn’tmeanyousleptwitheverygirl

whowalked,butinmyexperience,theyoftenwenthandinhand.“Oh,that’scoolofhim,Iguess.”

“That’swhyIknowhereallyneedsagirlfriend.Tom’sworriedit’sbadforaguytogothatlong.”

Mollyrolledhereyes.“Howisitbadforhim?It’snotgoingtohurthim.”

“Maybenotphysically,but—”

“Okay,newsubject,”Mollyinterrupted.“HowaboutJakegivingyouaridehomelastnight?It’s

funny.YoubringoutthisweirdsideofGavinbutthedecentsideinJake.HetoldBenyoumightbethe

firstgirlhe’llactuallybefriendswith.”

Ilaughed.“Yeah,he’sreallynice.Andit’sdefinitelyjustafriendsthing,whichmakesitreally

comfortable.”

“Ican’timagineanyonewantingtospendtimewithJake,butit’sgood,Iguess.”Mollywipedher

facewithhernapkinbeforeplacingitbackonherlap.

“You’retheonlyonewhofightswithhim,Mol.It’skindoflikeBeccawithGavin.Youjustbring

outthatsideinhim.”Kellyfinishedoffthelastofherjuice.

“Allright,iseveryonereadyforthebeach?”Iwasitchingtogetoutside.

“Sure.”Theybothagreed,andoncewesettledthecheck,weheadeddowntothebeach.

Mollywasright.Ineededthesun.AfterasemesterwhentheonlytimeIspentoutsidewastraveling

toandfromschool,thebeachwasperfect.Istrippedoffmysundressassoonaswegotthereandput

downmytowel.

Irolledoverontomystomach,enjoyingthewaythesunfeltbeatingdownonme.Wantingtoavoid

tanlines,Islippeddownthehalterstrapofmyredbikinitop.IwatchedasKellyandMollydidthesame

thingtotheirtriangletops.

“Areanyofyouladiesinterestedinplayingsomevolleyball?”Ipusheduponmyelbowsand

struggledtoplacethevaguelyfamiliarvoiceaddressingus.ItwasRonny.

“Youdon’twantmeplaying,trustme,”Mollysaidimmediately.Ireplacedmybathingsuitstrap

beforeflippingover.

“Whataboutyou,Becca?”Ronnyasked.Icouldn’tignorehisblatantevaluationofme.Heactually

lickedhislips.Icouldn’tbelieveI’dagreedtogooutwithhim.

Mollysatup,tyinghertop.“Youdefinitelywanthertoplayonyourteam.She’sawesome.”

Ismiled.I’dplayedvolleyballinhighschoolandintramuralsincollege.“Sure,whynot?Kelly,

willyouplay?”

“Yeah,I’llkeepyoucompany.”

“Yousureyoudon’twanttojoinin,Molly?”Istoodup.

“Veryfunny.”Mollywasingoodshape,butshehadvirtuallynocoordination.“ButI’llcomewatch

inabit.”

KellyandIjoggedoveralittlewaystowhereabunchofguysweresettingupanet.Irecognizeda

fewfacesfromGill’sthenightbefore.

“Hey,youmustbeBecca.”Aguywithdarkbrownhairapproachedmewithanoutstretchedhand

andagrin.

“Yeah…”Iacceptedthehandandwaitedforhisname.

“Oh,I’mMatt.MattMorgan.”

Ifroze.ThiswasoneoftheguysIwasworkingfor.Ihadjustmetmynewbosswearingabikinion

thebeach.

Imademyselfsnapoutofthemortificationandsmiled.“It’sgreattomeetyou.Thanksforthejob,

bytheway.”

Forsomereason,everyonethoughtthatwasfunny.

“So,arewegoingtoplayorwhat?”Iputahandonmyhip.

“Yes,ma’am.”Ronnytossedmetheball.“You’reup.”

Iservedtheballwithaneasyace,enjoyingthelookofsurprisefromtheguyswhentheyrealizedI

couldactuallyplay.

ChapterSeven

Gavin

Igaveuponsleepingaroundnoon.Iwasneververygoodatswitchingbackandforthbetweenday

andnightshifts.Isatupandlookedoutatthewater.Asdisappointingasotherareasofmylifewere,I

lovedmyoceanfrontloft.Imovedmygazeoverthebeachandnoticedagroupplayingvolleyball.It

didn’ttakemuchguessingtofigureoutwhothegirlintheredbikiniwas.ItseemedIwasnevergoingto

escapeher.

Idebatedwhethertoheadout,finallyrationalizingthatIcoulduseaswimbeforegoingintowork.

Ofcourse,thewaterwasonlyinthesixtiessoearlyintheseason.

Afewminuteslater,aftertakingmyboxerMaxouttodohisbusiness,Ijoggeddownthebeach.

We’dalreadyrunfivemilesthatmorning.

Iheldbackforamoment,justwatchingthegame.Beccahadsomeserve.I’dbeenabletotellshe

wasathletic,butitwasnicetowatchherinaction.Itwasnicetowatchherperiod.Thatlittleredbikini

leftlittletotheimagination,andwhilehalfofmewantedher,theotherhalfwantedtocoverherupsothe

restofthoseguyswouldstopdrooling.Atfirst,I’dthoughttheyalllikedherbecauseshewasnew,butit

wasdefinitelymorethanthat.Tomwasn’ttoofaroffaboutthesupermodel’sbody.Isurecouldn’tfind

anyflaws.

“Hey,man,youwantin?”Mattcalled.

Beccalookedupatme.Ismiledather,havingdecidedduringmynonexistentnapthatIwasgoing

toplaynice.Shelookedawayquickly.Itlookedlikeshewasdonesmilingatme.

“I’mgoingtoquitandgetsomewater,”shesaidtonooneinparticular.

“Okay,cool.Seeyouatworktomorrow.”Mattgrinnedlikealovesickpuppy.Itwaspathetic.His

wifewouldhaveslappedhimforit.

Icouldn’tjustletherleave.“What,youtoochickentoplayagainstme?”

Thatdidthetrick.“Areyoujoking?”

Shewassopredictable.Shewasasbadasmewhenitcametoarguing.Shewasgoingtomakeone

hellofalawyer.“Let’sseewhatyou’vegotwhenyouactuallyplaysomeonewithtalent.”

“Nice,man,realnice,”Mattsaid,butIignoredhim.IignoredeveryonebutBecca.

IgrabbedtheballfromRonny.“Myserve.”

ItcouldhavejustbeenthetwoofusasfarasIwasconcerned.Ithinktheguyswererather

entertainedbythedisplay.Thegirlcouldplay—thatwasforsure.Iwasn’texactlyabigfanofvolleyball,

butthereweren’tmanysportsIdidn’tplayforfun.

Shenearlyhitmewithoneofherserves,butIspikeditbacktwiceashard.Shemissedit,andthe

ballhitthesandbeforerollingdownthebeach.

“Nicemeetingeveryone.”Shewasseriouslygoingtoquitjustlikethat?Shehadn’tstruckmeasa

soreloser.

“Hadenough?”

Sheignoredme.“Areyouready,Kelly?”

“Yup.”Ididn’tmisstheglareKellyshotme.Great,Kellywaspissed,whichmeantI’dbehearingit

fromTomatwork.

ItriednottostaretoolongatBecca’sretreatingfigureasshejoggeddownthebeachwithher

friends.

Ronnygavemeafunnylook.“Takingthisalittleseriously,aren’tyou?”

“Notreally.”Ibrusheditoff.Shejustreallybroughtoutmycompetitiveside.

“Howisagirllikethatsingle?”Matttookaswigfromawaterbottle.Evidently,BeccaandKelly’s

departurehadbrokenupthegame.

“It’sbychoice,”Isaidwithcertainty.Therewasnowayshe’dhavetroublegettingaman.

“Shewon’tbesingleforlong,”Ronnysaidwithasheepishgrin.

“Isthatso?”Gregpulledhist-shirtbackon.

“I’mtakingheroutthisweek.”Hisself-satisfiedsmilepissedmeoff.

“Goodluckwiththat.”Iturnedandheadedbackhome.

***

Asexpected,Tomhaditinforme.Thatmanwaswhipped.Hiswifegotupset,andthewholeworld

hadtomoveoutofthewaytofixit.

“Don’tevensayit.IknowKelly’spissedatmeforsomereason.”ImovedpastTomtograbafile

ofsomepaperworkI’dbeensittingon.Ibroughtitbacktomydesk.

“Forsomereason?Youwentafterhernewfriend.Ithinkyouscaredthegirl.”

“Shedidn’tlookscaredtome.”

“Seriously,man,what’syourdeal?Whatwasupwithallthatlastnight?”

“Idon’tknow.”Ifocusedonsigningmynameonabunchofforms.

“Youbitchabouthowdepressingthechoiceofwomenisinthistown,yetagorgeousgirlcomesin

witheyesforyou,andyougoallpsycho.”

“Witheyesforme?”Iglancedup.Tomhadspunhischairaroundtolookatme.

“That’showKellyputit.”

IwonderedhowKellywouldfeelifsheknewherhusbandrepeatedeverythingshesaid.“What

wouldgiveherthatimpression?”

Tomlaughed.“Girlstalk.”

Icouldn’thelpfeelingsomesatisfactionatknowingshe’dtalkedtoherfriendsaboutme.Iwasn’t

goingtoadmitit,though.“Ifshehaseyesforanyone,it’sJake.Orhell,she’sgoingoutwithRonnythis

week.”

“Kellysaysshe’snotintoeitherofthem.”

“DidyoutwojustsitarounddiscussingBecca?”

“No.Mostlywetriedtofigureoutwhyyouwereallweird.”

Ijustshrugged.“Iadmitshe’shot.”

“Finally,anormalthought.”

“Don’tletKellyhearyou.”

“Shedoesn’tcare.Shehasnothingtoworryabout,andsheknowsit.”

“Yeah,IguessKellyisn’texactlytheinsecurekind.”

Hechuckled.“Uh,notexactly.ButyoudoknowthatjustbecauseBecca’sfromthesameplace,it

doesn’tmeanshe’slikeDawn.”

Iwaswonderingwhenhe’dconnectthedots.I’dmetTomattheAcademyrightafterDawnleftme.

Asifgettingacareerendinginjurywasn’tenough,mygirlfrienddumpedmebecauseofit.

“It’snotjustthat.”

“Thenwhatisit?”

“Justdropit.”

Icouldn’tspendtoomuchtimegoingdownmemorylane.Ithadbeenthreeyearssincemypro

baseballcareerevaporatedthankstoatornrotatorcuff.I’djustsignedanewcontracttoplayinthe

majors,andbam,itwasallgone.Dawnsaidshewantedtobewithsomeonewhowasgoingplaces.That

wasn’ttheworstpart,though.Norwasthefactthatshegottogetherwithoneofmyteammates.No,the

worstpartwasthatIbeggedhernottoleaveme.Iwaspathetic.IsworeI’dneverdoitagain.

MaybethatwasmyrealissuewithBecca.Iwantedherbutknewanyinterestshehadinmewould

beapassingfling.Iwasn’tsurethatwouldbeenough.Sheseemedlikethekindofgirlwhereonetaste

couldn’tpossiblybeenough.

“Let’sgetoutofhere.”WithoutwaitingforTom,Iwalkedouttothecar.

ChapterEight

Becca

Iwasn’tsurewhattoweartoworkmyfirstday.Iwasprettysureasuitwouldbeoverkill,butI

wantedtolookprofessional,especiallyaftermeetingoneofthepartnersatthebeachwhilewearingonly

abikini.Partners—IneededtostopthinkingofthingsinBostonterms.

Aftersettlingonatailoredskirtandalightpurpletop,IdroveMolly’scarovertothetownsquare.

ThelawofficesofMorgan&Morganwerelocatedrightbetweentheplantnurseryandabookstore.The

localcoffeeshopbeckonedfromacrossthestreet.Thatwouldbeconvenientforlunchbreaks.

Findingaparkingspacewasridiculouslyeasy.Ismoothedoutmyskirt,checkedtomakesuremy

hairwaspulledneatlyback,andgotoutofthecar.Iwalkedintotheofficewithmyheadheldhigh,

willingmyselftoforgetabouttheembarrassingmeetingthedaybefore.

“Hi,Becca.It’sgoodtoseeyouagain.”Mattwalkedoutofhisoffice.

“Hi.I’mexcitedtobehere.”

“It’skindofcramped,butI’vesetyouupintheextraofficebackhere.”Ifollowedhimbacktoa

windowlessroom.“Sorry,Iknowit’skindofdepressing.”

“No,it’sfine.”

“Allright.”Hesmiledatme,lookingmeoverinawaythatmademealittlebituncomfortable.

“Hereareallyourpasswordsandeverything.Whydon’tyougetyourselfsettled,andthencomemeetme

inmyoffice,soIcangooversomestuffandgiveyouyourfirstassignment.”

“Soundsgreat.”

Hestartedtowalkout.

“Wait.Uh,isyourfather—ImeantheotherMr.Morgan—expectedintoday?”

“No.IguessIforgottomentionit.He’sactuallyonacruisewithmymotherforthenextfewweeks.

That’swhatmadeitsoconvenientthatyouwereabletowork.”

“Oh.”Hedefinitelyhadn’tmentionedthat.Noonehad.“Allright.IguessI’lljustgetsettled.”

Iloadedthecomputer,notsurewhatgettingsettledreallyentailed.Thatwasoneofthosethings

bossessaidthatmadenosense.ImadesureIcouldaccessthedatabasesI’dneedforresearch,and

doublecheckedthatWordfunctionedbeforepullingoutalegalpadandpenfromthetopdrawofthe

desk.IwalkeddownthehalltoMatt’soffice.

Iknocked.Helookedup,smiled,andwavedmein.“Takeaseat.”

Isatdowninoneofthelargeleatherchairsacrossfromhisdesk.Itwasstrangetoseesomeonehis

ageinsuchabigoffice.Iwasusedtofirmswhereittookyearstomakejuniorpartner,letaloneto

essentiallyberunningtheplace.Mattcouldn’thavebeenmorethanfourorfiveyearsolderthanme.

Althoughhelookedtired,hisfacestillhadareallyboyishquality.Heworeadressshirtandslacks,but

hedidn’tseemcomfortableinthem.

Inoticedaphotographonhisdeskofaprettywomanwithtwoyoungchildren.“Youhavea

beautifulfamily.”

Hepickeduptheframe.“Yeah,they’regreat.”

Ismiled,notsurewhatelsetosay.

“IwasalreadyadadwhenIwasyourage.”

Okay,couldhemakethisanymoreawkward?“That’scool.”

Helaughed.“Sorry,thatcameoutweird.Ijustmean,youareinsuchadifferentplacethanIwasat

yourage.”

Idecidedtohelphimout.“Yeah,Ibetlawschoolwaschallengingwithababyathome.”

“Definitely.Inevergottopartyduringthoseyears.Ibetyouhaveitreallydifferent.Ibetyou’rea

wildone.”

“Umm,notexactly.”Awildone?Yeah,ifstudyingandtakingcareofmymomwereconsidered

wild.

“Comeon,youcanbehonest.”

Ididn’tlikethewayhestared.Itreallybotheredme,andIneededtogettheconversationbackon

myjob.“Soanyway,whenIspokewithyourfather,hemadeitsoundlikeIwasmostlygoingtobedoing

researchandpossiblyhelpingonsomedepositions?”

“Yeah.Imean,Ithinkyoushouldsitinonsomeclientmeetings,andifyouwant,youcandefinitely

cometocourtwithme.YouworkedinaDA’sofficelastsummer,right?”

“Yes.”

“Soyouknowhowcourtswork,butthingsrunalittledifferentlyinasmalltownthantheydointhe

city.”

“Ibet,butI’msureI’llcatchon.”

“I’msureyouwill.Youlooklikeafastlearner.”

“Yeah,”Isaidquickly.Iwasreadytogetoutofhisoffice.“Doyouhaveanythinginparticularyou

needmetoworkonthismorning?”

HewentovertoafilingcabinetandpulledoutaRedweldfolder.“Whydon’tyoustartby

familiarizingyourselfwiththiscase?”

“Okay,noproblem.”Ireachedforthefolder,buthedidn’timmediatelyletgo.

“Ifyouhaveanyquestions,justletmeknow.Don’tworryaboutbotheringme.Iwantthistobea

goodlearningexperienceforyou.”Hereachedoutwithhisotherhandasifhewasgoingtotouchmy

shoulder,butthenhestoppedhimself.

“Great,thanksalot.”Ipulledatthefolderagain,andthistimeheletgo.

“Ithinkthisisreallygoingtoworkout,”hecalledasIwalkedoutthedoor.

ItookadeepbreathonceIwassettledbehindmydesk.Itriedtobrushoffourconversation,butit

definitelyleftmeuncomfortable.Iwonderedifitwasallpartofthesmalltownfriendlinessthing.

Iopenedthefileandpulledoutthedocuments.Itappearedtobeafairlystraightforwardslipand

fallcase.Wewererepresentingthedefendant.

Ispentsometimereadingthroughthematerials,thereweresomemassivedepositiontranscriptsthat

tookawhiletogetthrough,andthenIwenttoseeMatt.

Iknocked,andonceagainhewavedmein.“Donealready?”

“Yes.Isthereanythinginparticularyouwantmetodoforthiscase?”

“Therehastobesomethingmoreaboutassumptionofriskthatworksforus.Dosomeresearchon

that,okay?”

“Sure.”Inoddedandwalkedout.

IwasstillburiedincaselawwhenIfelttwohandsonmyshoulders.Ijumped,surprisedbythe

contact.

“Sorrytosurpriseyou,butI’mgoingtogetsomelunch.Wanttojoinme?”Mattdidn’tremovehis

hands.

Iturned,thankfullyforcinghishandsaway.“Oh,thanksforoffering,butIthinkI’mgoingtogo

checkonmycar.”IwasgratefulIhadanexcuse.IneededtotalktoMollyaboutwhetherthingswere

alwayssotouchyfeelyinhertown.Thethoughtofspendinglunchtryingtomakeconversationwithmy

newbossunnervedme.

“Youcandothatlater.Comeon,Iinsist.”

Great.Icouldn’tsaynoagain.Thatwouldjustmakethingsworse.Iwasprobablyjustblowingit

outofproportion.“Okay.”

“Goodgirl,let’sgo.”

Goodgirl?Didhereallyjustsaythat?Ittookmeamomenttoprocess.Itwouldhavebeenonething

tohearthatfromabosswhowasofacertainage,butcomingfromsomeonepracticallymyage,sonot

cool.

Ifollowedhimoutandwaitedashelockeduptheoffice.

“Goingtolunch?”Ronnyroundedthecorner.

Mattlookedupathim.“Yeah,aboutto.”

“Great,wecanallgotogether.”Ronnywinkedatme.

Icouldhavekissedhim.

“Sure,whynot?”Mattsoundedunenthusiastic.

Wewalkeddowntheblockandstoppedatadiner.

“Hashebeenworkingyoutothebone?”Ronnyheldopenthedoor.

“Nope.It’sbeenprettyreasonablesofar.”

“Good.”Ronnysmiledasheslidintoaboothnexttome.Mattsatdownacrossfromus.

“Doyouknowwhatyouwanttoorder?”Ayoungwaitresssetthreewatersdownonthetable.

Iquicklyorderedachefsalad,andbothguysordereddoublecheeseburgerswithfries.

“Sowhatbroughtyoudownherethissummer?”Mattasked.

“Ajob.”Ismiled.

“I’msuresomeonewithyourqualificationscouldhavehadajobinBoston.”

“IwasthrownwhenIwasn’taskedbacktotheDA’soffice,andIhadotherthingsgoingonthat

preventedmefromfindingajob.”Ireallyhopedhe’ddropit.

“Otherthings?”

Itookasipfrommywater.“Yes,personalmatters.”

“Likeabadbreakup?”

Washeevenserious?“No,notabadbreakup.”

“So,istheresomeonebackhomethen?”

“Isthisreallyrelevant?”Iasked.

“Relevant?”Mattsmiled.“Yes,it’srelevanttolearningmoreaboutyou.”

“Ijustdon’tseewhatmyrelationshipstatushastodowithworkingasyourlawclerk.”

Helaughed,andthenRonnyleanedintome.“Sorryabouthim.Hehasnomanners.”

IdecidedtoplaytheonecardIhad.“IfIhadsomeonebackhome,wouldIbegoingoutforcoffee

withRonny?”

Ronnygrinned.“Goodpoint.”

Mattstiffened.“Oh,Iforgotaboutthat.”

Thatshuthimup.Thankfullyourmealscamerightthen,andtheywerebothtoobusyeatingtobother

withme.

Iatemysaladandexcusedmyselfassoonasitseemedappropriate.“Ifyoudon’tmind,I’mgoing

togocheckonmycar.”Ipulledoutmywallet,readytoleavesomecash.

“I’vegotit,don’tworry,”Ronnysaidquickly.

“No,sheworksforme,I’vegotit.”

“Let’sjustmakethiseasy.”IdroppedatenonthetableandlookedtoRonnytolethimknowI

wantedout.Hemovedoutswiftly.

InoddedtoMatt.“I’llseeyoubackintheoffice.Ifittakeslongerthanexpected,I’llmakeupthe

timelateron.”

“I’msureyouwill,”hemumbledunderhisbreath.Ihopedhedidn’tactuallymeanwhathewas

implying.

ThegaragewasclosedwhenIgotthere.Evidently,itclosedfrom12-1everydayforlunch.It

wouldhavebeenniceofoneoftheguystohavetoldmethat,butthenagain,Iwasgladtohavetheexcuse

togetaway.Mattwastotallyweirdingmeout,andIhopedRonnywasn’texpectinganythingmorethan

coffee.Idon’tknowwhy,butIkindofassumedthesesmalltownmenwouldbelessintensethantheones

inthecity.Iwasdeadwrong.Ifeltinovermyhead.Itookashortwalkaroundthesquareandthen

reluctantlyreturnedtotheoffice.

IquietlywalkedpastMatt’sofficewherehewasonthephone.Iburiedmyselfintheresearchand

finishedtypingupamemoofmyfindingsaroundfivethirty.Iwasn’treallysurehowlongIwassupposed

tostay.Iwasbeingpaidasetsalary,sowehadn’tdiscussedworkinghours.Atsix,IdecidedIcouldn’t

stallanylonger.Iprintedoutthememo.

IknockedonMatt’sdoorforthethirdtimethatday.“Hey,Iemailedyouthistoo,buthere’sahard

copy.”

“Great.Areyouheadedoutthen?”

“Ifthat’sokay…”

Hesmiled.“It’sfine.Butdoyouneedaride?Youmentionedyourcarwasatthegarage.”

“IhaveMolly’scar,butthanks.”

“Seeyoutomorrow.”

“Haveanicenight,bye.”Igrabbedmystuffandheadedout.IwonderedifIhadbeenimagining

everything.Mattwasfairlynormalattheendoftheday.Eitherway,Iwasbeyondexcitedtogethomeand

relax.

ChapterNine

Becca

Matttonedthingsdownalittleoverthenextfewdays,buthestillhadmeonedge.Ispentmostof

mytimeburiedinlegalresearch.Iappreciatedthejob,butitdefinitelywasn’tthemostthrillingI’dever

had.Iwasn’ttooexcitedwhenRonnycalledtosetupourcoffeedateforThursday,butI’dsaidyes,soI

neededtogo.

Ronnywasn’tthereyetwhenIwalkedintoMarney’sCafé.Itwasacozylittleplacewitha

comfortablefeel.Iwentrightuptothecountertoordersomethingtodrink.Anolderwomancametowait

onme,andIknewithadtobeGail.Mollyhadtoldmeallabouther.

“Hithere,youmustbeMolly’sfriend.”Gailsmiledwarmly.Sheworeherlong,silverygrayhair

pulledbackinalowponytail.

“Hi,Gail.It’sgreattomeetyou.I’mBecca.”

“Howareyouenjoyingyourstaysofar?”

“It’sbeeninteresting.”

“Caretotalkaboutit?”Gailstraightenedapileofflyersonthecounter.Isawtheywereaboutsome

festival.

“Iwould,butI’mactuallymeetingsomeonehere.”Therewasjustsomethingaboutthepetitewoman

thatmademewanttospilloutmylifestory.

“Who?”

“Ronny…”IrealizedIdidn’tevenknowhislastname.

“Oh.Becarefulwiththatone.He’sagoodboy,buthecanbeintense.”

“Thanksfortheheadsup.”

“CanIatleastgetyousomething?”

“Yes.Alargecoffeewouldbeperfect.”

“Comingrightup.”

IstartedtopulloutmywalletwhenRonnyarrivedatthecounter.“I’vegotit.”

“Oh…okay,thanks.”

Heorderedhimselfacoffeeaswell.Gailhandedusourcups,andIaddedinsomeskimmilkand

Splenda.Ronnywaitedformewithoutaddinganythingtohiscup.AssoonasIfinished,Ifollowedhim

overtoatablebyawindow.

“Hey,I’mgladyoucouldmakeit.Iwasbeginningtothinkthiswasn’tgoingtohappen.”

“Yeah,it’sjustbeenabusyweek—gettingusedtothenewjobandeverything.”Iwrappedmyhands

aroundmycup.

“Icanimagine.Youseemedprettyfrazzledtheotherdayatlunch.”

“Yeah,Ijustreallywantmycarback.”Iforcedalaugh.

“Thingsareslowhere.”

“Iknow.Itjusttakesalittlegettingusedto.”

“Sotellmeaboutyourself.”

“Whatdoyouwanttoknow?”Itookasipofhotcoffee.

“Everything,”hesaidflirtatiously.

“Thereisn’ttoomuchtotell.”

“WhatdoesabeautifullawstudentinBostondoforfun?”

“Oh,well,ifit’sbaseballseason,I’musuallywatching,otherwiseIswimandgotoalotof

movies.”God,Isoundedsoboring.

“Doyougooutalot?Thingshavetobemoreexcitinginthecity.”Hemovedhislegunderthetable

anditbrushedagainstmine.

“NotsomuchanymorenowthatMollymoved.”

“Oh,okay.That’scool.”

WesatawkwardlyuntilIrememberedtoaskhimwhathewasinto.Sports,Nascar,andhangingout

atthebeachseemedtoroundhimout.Afterforcingconversationforanhour,Iwasreadytoleave.

“Wouldyoumaybewanttocomehangoutatmyplaceforabit?Haveadrinkorsomething?”

Washeserious?“Oh,thanksfortheoffer,butI’mgoingtoheadhome.Thanksforthecoffee

though.”

“Ohokay,maybenexttime.”

“Yeah…”Igotupandtossedmyemptycupinthegarbage.

“Hey,I’llwalkyouout.”

WestoppedinfrontofMolly’scar,andIawkwardlywavedbeforegettingin.Thathadtobethe

worstdateever.Ipulledmyphoneoutbeforestartingthecar,andIhadsixtextmessageswaitingforme.

***

JakealmostgavemeaheartattackeventhoughIknewhewouldbethere.Stretchedoutonalounge

chairbythepool,hegrinnedwhenIjumpedamilehigh.

“Geez,kid,youscareeasily.”

“Youcan’tcallme‘kid.’I’molderthanyou.”

“Byonlyacoupleofmonths.”

Isatdownonachairnexttohim.“Thesamelogicstillapplies.Youcan’tcallme‘kid.’”

“Howabout,geezyouscareeasily,oldtimer.”

Ismiled.“Let’sstickwith‘kid.’”

“Ithoughtyou’dseethingsmyway.”

“Bythenumberoftextsyousentme,Itakeitshewasn’t‘Ms.Right?’”We’dplannedonmeetingup

afterourrespectivecoffeedatestodish.Jakewasreallysomethingelse.

“Ifby‘Ms.Right’youmeanatotalbitch,thensure.”

“What’dshedo?”

“Sheyelledatamombecauseherbabywascrying.Thepoorwomanwasjustinlinetobuy

something.It’snotlikeshewassittingtherewithawailingbaby.”

“That’sreallysweet.”

“What?Mypsychodateyellingatherwassweet?”

“No!Youcaringaboutthatissweet.”

“Ifyousayso.ButI’mjustgettingstarted.”

“ThisIhavetohear.”Ileanedbackinthechair,enjoyingtheslightlycoolerairoftheevening.

“Sothen,inthemiddleofaboringconversationaboutherfriends,shestartsdissingacouplesitting

acrossfromus—makingfunofwhattheywerewearing.”

“Wow,shereallyisawinner.”

“Needlesstosay,therewon’tbeaseconddate.”

“Haha,Iwonderifshe’llbesurprisedwhenyoudon’tcall.”

“Shewon’tbe.”

“Howdoyouknow?”Iturnedtolookathim.

“SheaskedifIwantedtocomehomewithher,andIsaidno.”

“What?Onthefirstdate,thegirlaskedyouthat?”

“Somemodernwomentaketheinitiative.”

“Justtobeshotdown.”

“Ihavestandards.”

“That’sveryun-maleofyou.”

“Youreallydon’thaveahighopinionofmendoyou?”Helookedatmeseriouslyforthefirsttime.

Ishrugged.“Notworsethanmostwomen.”

“Ifyousayso…anyway,howwasyourdate?”

“Betterthanyours.”

Hechuckled.“Notthatitwouldbehard.”

“Ronny’sniceobviously,butweranoutofthingstotalkaboutprettyquickly.Thatandhekept

staringatmybreasts.”

“Canyoureallyblametheguy?”

“Jake!”

“Sorry,couldn’tresist.Sohow’dyoulethimdown?”

“Oh,that’swhereitgetsinteresting.”

“Isit?”

“Igotpropositionedtonighttoo.”

“Propositioned?Ilovethewayyoutalk.Soheaskedyoutogohomewithhim?”

“Uhhuh,buthewentmorewiththe‘it’sbeenreallyfun,doyouwanttocomeoverforadrink?’

method.”

“Ah,theclassicdrinksattempt.”HeswipedaPeoplemagazineofftheground.IfiguredMrs.

Mathewsmusthaveleftitout.Afteraquickglanceatthecover,Jakereplaceditbackwherehe’dfound

it.

“Yeah,helookedcrestfallenwhenitdidn’twork.Hesaidmaybenexttime.”

Jakegotamischievouslookonhisface.“Doyoueveronthefirstdate?”

“DoIeverwhat?”Iplayedstupid.

“Havesexonthefirstdate.”

“No.”Ofcourse,Ihadn’tactuallyhadsexonanydate.

“Wouldyouevermakeanexception?”

“Idon’tknow.Everysituationisdifferent,right?”

“Doyouhaveausualamountofdates,ordoyoujustgowithit?”

“Whyareyouasking?”Iwishedwecouldchangethesubject.

“Curiosity.Iwantagirl’sperspective.”

“I’mprobablynotthegirltoask.”

“Whynot?”

Iswallowed.“BecauseIdon’teverhavesex.”

“What?”Hesatup.“Areyouserious?Asinnever?”

Lyingthereintheneardarkness,Ifeltliketellinghimthetruth.WithMomgone,nownooneknew

anymore,andsomehowIwantedtogetitoffmychest.ButIcouldn’t.“Yeah,butnowIjustwanttogetit

overwith.”

“Meaning…?”

“Iwanttojusthavehadsexalready.It’shardtoreachtwenty-fourwithnorealexperience.Guys

expectit,andwhenyoumakeitthisfar,youcan’texactlyadmitit.”

“Um,Becca?Whatguywouldn’twanttobewithavirgin?”HelookedatmeasifIhadtwoheads.

“Lots.Imean,they’dthinktherewassomethingwrongwithme.”

“No,they’dthinkyouwerewaitingfortherightguytogiveitto.They’dbesuretheyweretheone.”

Hesuddenlygrinned.“Wellifyou’rethatsetonhavingsex,I’malwaysavailable.”

Ilaughed.“Yourgenerosityastoundsmesometimes.”

“Icansacrificeforthegoodofafriend.”Hisgrinwidened,andIhadafeelingitwasthelookthat

usualgothimgirls.Ifhe’dbeenevenremotelymytype,itmighthaveworkedonme.

“I’llkeepthatinmind.”

“Youdothat.”

“Well,I’msorryyouhadabaddate,butbetterlucknexttime,”Isaid,readytochangethesubject.

“Yeah,theallusive‘nexttime.’”

“IthinkI’mgoingtoturnin.”

“Yousure?Wecanwatchamovieorsomethingifyouwant.”Heputhishandsbehindhishead,

makinghimselfcomfortable.

“Thanks,butnothanks.I’mprettyexhausted.”

“Allrightthen,seeya.”

“Goodnight.”Iwavedbeforegoinginside.

ChapterTen

Gavin

Afteralongweekofworkingnights,Iwasreadyforaweekend.Imanagedtogetafewhoursof

sleeponFridaybeforeIgotuptoeatsomeleftoverpizza.BythetimeIrinsedoffmydish,Maxwaitedby

thedoorwithhisleashinhismouth.Itwasaboutseventhirty,andthesunwasjustshowingsignsof

setting.Itwastheperfecttimeforawalkonthebeach.

IletMaxoffhisleashsohecouldrunaroundforawhile.Iusuallyignoredtheleashrulesatnight

whennooneelsewasaround.Maxlovedthefreedom,andheusuallydidn’tstrayfar.Withoutwarning,

Maxtookoffdownthesand.WhenIcaughtupwithhim,Isawher.

IputMaxbackonhisleashandwatchedBecca.Shestaredoutattheoceanwithherarmswrapped

aroundherchest.Shelookedlonely,andIhadtheurgetofixit.IhadalotofurgeswhenitcametoBecca.

Istillcouldn’tgetthegirloutofmyhead.Dayandnight,Ifoundmyselfthinkingaboutherandfeelinglike

acompletejerkfortreatingherthewayIdid.WhethersheremindedmeofDawnornot,shedeserved

better.IfigureditwasthebestchanceIwasgoingtogettomakeamends.Plus,maybeifIactuallytalked

toherinacivilizedway,I’dstopthinkingabouthersodamnmuch.

Shecouldn’thearusapproachingoverthecrashofthewaves.Thesurfwaswildthatnight.Icalled

out,notwantingtostartleherwithmyapproach.“Hey.”

Sheturnedtowardme.“Oh,hi.”Hereyeswidenedinsurprise.Shetookastepback.

Itriednottoletherlukewarmreceptiondiscourageme.Wecouldactlikeadults.

“Whatareyoudoingouthere?Nobigplanstonight?”

“No,nothingplanned.”

“Ifiguredyou’dbeoutwithMollyorsomething.”Maxrubbedupagainstmyleg,tryingtogetmy

attention.

“IthoughtshecouldusesomealonetimewithBen.Besides,I’mnotreallyinthemoodtodo

anything.”Shetracedpatternsinthesandwithherfoot,lookingdowninsteadofatme.

“Roughweek?”

Sheshrugged.“Nottheworstever.”

“ButnotthebesteitherItakeit.”

Shesmiledlightly.“Nope.Howaboutyou?”

“Theusual,Iguess.Ihateworkingnights.I’mtoomuchofamorningpersonforit.”Ibentdownand

gaveMaxthescratchhewaswaitingfor.

“I’mamorningpersontoo.”

“So,doyouwanttotalkaboutwhatmadeyourweeklessthanstellar?”

Shelookedatmewithsurpriseandhesitatedbeforeanswering.“Notparticularly.”

“Itmustbereallybad.”

“Justnotanexcitingconversationtopic.”

Istoodbackup.“Tryme.”IfoundIactuallycared.Ineededtoknowwhatwasupsettingher.

Shesmiledforrealthistime.“Doyouhaveallnight?”

Isnappedmyselfoutofthedazehersmileputmein.“Actually,Ido.”

Maxchosethatmomenttopullonhisleash.Hewasusuallysoobedient,butIguessalldogshave

theirlimits.

“Idon’tthinkhedoes.”Shebentdowntopethishead,andhenuzzledrightuptoher.Unbelievable.

Hehatedeveryonebutme.

“Wanttowalk?”

“Sure.”Shestoodup,andMaxwhimperedinprotest.“I’llfinishthatlater,boy.”

Westarteddownthebeach.“So,youwereabouttotellmeaboutyourweek.”

“I’dhopedyou’dforgotten.”Sheturnedbacktowardtheocean.

“Nosuchluck.”

Shesighedloudly.“Idon’tgetthistown.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

Shelookedupatthedarkeningskythenbackoutatthewater.“Ijustdon’tknowwhypeopleactthe

waytheydo,andhowI’msupposedtoact,orwhat’sappropriateandwherelinesaredrawn.”

“Anyspecificstobackthatup?”

“Youreallywantthem?”sheasked.

Ilookedathercuriously.Itsoundedlikeshewasgettingworkedup.“Yeah,Iwanttoknow.”

“First,whyiseveryoneinthisplacesotouchyfeely?”

“Touchyfeely?”

“Yeah,ImeanwhereIcomefrom,youdon’tputyourhandsonpeopleunlessthey’reyourfamilyor

superclosefriends—andeventhat’squestionable.”Shewrappedherarmsaroundher.Iwonderedifit

wasbecauseofourconversationorthebreeze.

“Who’sbeenuh,overlyfriendlywithyou?”Mybodytensed.Ididn’tlikewherethiswasgoing.

“Itdoesn’tmatter.”

“Sure,itdoes.Imightbeabletoexplainitbetter.”

“Onlyifyoupromisetokeepitbetweenus.I’mnottryingtostiruptrouble.”

Alightbulbwenton.“It’sMattthen,isn’tit?”

“How’dyouguess?”

“You’reworkingforhim,he’smarried,andhehasabitofareputation.”Iwasonlyfriendswith

MattbecauseofTom.I’dneverunderstoodhowsomeonewithsomuchgoingforhimcouldbesostupid

sometimes.

“Whyisitthatnoonebotheredtotellmethataheadoftime?Couldn’tMollywarnme?Orwarnme

thatMr.Morganseniorisn’taround?”Shewrungherhands.“Okay,sorry.Thisisn’tMolly’sfault.”

“EitherMollydidn’twanttoscareyouoff,orit’sbecauseshewantstobelievethebestabout

people.Maybealittleofboth.”

“You’reprobablyright.”Shefinallymetmygaze.

“Howbadhashebeen?”

Shelookedawayandpickedupherpace.

“Whoah.Comeon.”Icaughtupandmatchedherpace.

“Nothingawful.Hejustalwaysmakesexcusestotouchme,anditmakesmeuncomfortable.”

“Icantalktohimforyou.”

Sheshookherheadadamantly.“No.”

“Whynot?”

“BecauseIdon’tneedproblems.I’msureit’sallinnocent.”Ihopedshewasright,butIhadmy

doubts.Matthadbeenfartoointerestedinheratthebeach.“Ifyouchangeyourmind,letmeknow.We’re

friends,soitwouldbereallyeasytodo.”

“Thanks.”Shesoundednervous.IhopedsherealizedI’dkeepmywordandstayoutofit—atleast

forthetimebeing.

“Isthattheonlythinggettingyoudown,oristheremore?”

Sheletoutanotherdeepbreath.“Istilldon’thavemycarback,andIfeelbadusingMolly’s.She

invitedmedownheretobenice,andallIdoiskeepgettinginherway.”

“I’msureyou’renotinherway.”Mollywasn’tthekindofgirltobecatty.

“Okay,nomorecomplaining.”

“Idon’tmind.”

“ButIdo.Let’stalkaboutsomethingelse.”Shebrushedastraypieceofhairbehindherear.

“Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?”

“HowaboutthemYankees?”shesaidwithagrin.

“Aren’tyoufromBoston?”

“Yup.Itwasajoke.IhatetheYankees.”

“SoabigRedSoxfanthen?”IvaguelyrememberedMollymentioningitonce.

“Diehard.Mymompracticallyraisedmeonthem.”

Iwonderedaboutherdefinitionofdiehard.Ihadn’tmettoomanygirlswhoreallylovedbaseball.

Usuallyiftheysaidtheydid,itwasjustanattempttosoundmoreappealingtoaguy.Ididn’tthinkthat’s

whatBeccawasdoing.“That’scool.Yousaidyourmom.Wasyourdadnotintobaseball?”

Shepaled,andIinstantlyregrettedthequestion.“Sorry,it’snoneofmybusiness.”

Maxstartedbarkingatsomethinghesawdownthebeachandtookoffagain.Ijoggedafterhim,and

shekeptpace.Oncehesloweddown,Ilookedtowardher,hopingshe’dstillanswer.

“Idon’treallyknowmydad.”

“Oh,sorry.”

“It’sallright.Hejustdecidedhavingakidwasn’tforhimandtookoffwhenIwasprettyyoung.”

“Thatsucks.”

“Yeah,butmymomwasawesome,soshemadeupforit.”

“Was?”

Shebitherlip.“Shediedafewmonthsago.”

Damnit.Ineededtostopaskingquestionsthatupsether.“I’msorrytohearthat.Itmusthavebeen

reallytough.”

“Yeah,it’slife.What’syourfamilylike?”

Iwasn’tpreparedforherquestionaboutmyfamily.Iwasstilltryingtoprocesshowhardlosingher

mommusthavebeen.“I’mthesecondyoungestoffour,andmyparentsarestillaliveandtogether.My

olderbrotherandsisterbothlivewithintwentyminutesofmyparents.”

“Wow,four?That’scool.I’manonlychild,soIcan’timaginewhatit’slike.”

Wow.Noparents,andnosiblings.“Itwasbusy,butalwaysfun.”

“That’scool.IalwayssworethatifIhadafamily,I’dhavealargeonesomykidshadeachother.”

“Ifyouhadafamily?Youdon’tknowifyouwill?”

“Youneverknow.I’msinglerightnow,soit’snotreallyonmyradar,youknow?”Sheshrugged.

“Yeah.Igetthat.”

“Doyouwantabigfamily?Sinceyoucomefromone?”Shelookedatmeasifdaringmetoanswer.

Itdidn’tbothermeatall.

“Definitely.Mybrotherandsisterwerebothmarriedwithkidsbymyage,soI’mkindoftheblack

sheepofthefamily.”WhatIdidn’ttellheristhatIwasjustassurprisedasmyfamilyabouthowlongit

wastakingmetosettledown.Iwasbeginningtothinkitjustwasn’tinthecards.

“It’snotlikeyou’reold.You’reaguy.Youhavesomuchtime.”

“Yeah,Iknow,buttellmymomthatifyoumeether.”

Shelaughed.“Allright.Willdo.”

Thesunhadjustaboutdisappeared,andInoticedherglancingaroundapprehensively.

“Youokay?”

“Yeah…but,wouldyoumind…?”Shestoppedandlookeddown.“Nevermind.”

“No,whatisit?”Ihadtoknow.Ineededhertoaskmeafavor—Ihadbeensuchajerktothissweet

andsensitivegirlwhoobviouslyhadbeenthroughalot.

“Wouldyoumindwalkingmebacktomycar?Iknowit’ssafehere,butI’musedtothecityand—”

“Absolutely,”Iagreedimmediately,butIwasn’treadytosaygoodbyeyet.We’dmanagedtohavea

conversationthatdidn’tinvolvearguing,andIenjoyeditmorethanI’dexpected.“Butwouldyoumaybe

wanttocomeoverandhangoutforabit?Iliverightoverthere.”Ipointedtomybalcony.

“Well—”Icouldtellshewassearchingforanexcuse.Icouldn’tletherfindone.

“YoudidpromiseMaxyou’dcontinuepettinghim.”

Shesmiled.“Allright,foralittlewhile.Butthenyou’llwalkmetomycarafterward?”

Shereallywasworried.“Ofcourse.”

“Okay.”

“Great.”Itriedtoplayitdown.

Wewalkedaroundandupthefrontstepsofmycondo.Iunlockedthedoorandlethergoinfirst.I

heldMaxback.

“Youliveinaloft?That’ssocool.Ididn’tthinktheyhadplaceslikethishere.”

“Itakeityou’reafanoflofts?”

“Lovethem.Iwantonereallybadly.MaybewhenI’mdonewithschoolandcanaffordoneinasafe

neighborhood.”Shecontinuedherperusal.

Thereshewentagainwithsafety—eithershe’dbeenthroughsomethingtraumatic,orshewas

paranoid.Isenseditwastheformer.

“MayIlookaround?”

“Absolutely,makeyourselfathome.”IunleashedMaxandwalkedintothekitchen.

Beccagazedoutthefloortoceilingwindows.“Thisviewisinsane.Icouldjuststareoutforever.It

mustbeamazingduringtheday.”

“Youthinkthisisgood.Ihavethesewindowsinmyroomtoo.”

“Yougettogotosleepandwakeuptotheoceaneveryday?I’mjealous.”

Ilaughed.“Gladtoknowyoulikeit.FromwhatIunderstand,peoplefoughtthemputtingthese

condosin.IjustfiguredifIwaslivinginabeachtown,Iwasgoingtoreallydoit.”

“Yeah,wheredidyousayyouwerefrom?”

“What’stheproblem,can’tplacetheaccent?”Iteased.

Sheturnedawayfromthewindowsandglaredatme.“Ireallyupsetyouwiththat,huh?”

“Nah,Ijustwantedtogiveyouahardtime.”

“Wonderful.”

Okay,Icouldn’tletthingsgodownthatpathagain.“Wouldyoulikesomethingtodrink?”Iwas

alreadypullingoutsomeglassesandlookingthroughmywinecollection.Shestruckmeasagirlwho

likedwine.

Shehesitated,andIrepeated“pleasestay”overandoverinmyhead.Ihadanirrationalneedto

spendtimewithher.Iwasn’treadytolethergoyet.

Shewalkedovertomeandsawthewine.“Maybeoneglass.”

“Cool.”Ipoureduseachaglassandwalkedovertothecouch.

Shetookherglassfrommeandsatdown.“Adrinkwithaview,nice.”

Isatdownnexttoherbutleftplentyofspacebetweenus.“Shallwetoast?”

“Towhat?”

“Afreshstart.”

“Youmeanforus?”

“Yeah.Iknowwestartedoffonthewrongfoot,butifit’sokaywithyou,I’dliketobefriends.”

Shesmiled.“Friends.Yeah,IthinkIcanhandlethat.”

“Okaygood.”Iliftedmyglass.“Toafreshstartandnewfriends.”

Shetookasmallsip,andIlikedthewaysheclosedhereyesafterward,savoringit.

“Mmm,apinotnoir.Velvety.”

“Youknowwine.”Iwasright.

“Yeah,wineisoneofthefewluxuriesIallowmyself.Youknow,otherthanmystateoftheartcar.”

Sheswirledthewinearoundinherglass.

“Thatisanicecar.”

Sheleanedbackagainstthecouch.Ilikedthatshewasgettingcomfortable.Ilikedthatshewas

comfortableatmyplace.

ChapterEleven

Becca

HowIallowedmyselftoendupdrunkatGavin’sthatnight,I’llneverknow.Whenheaskedme,I

knewIshouldsayno.Ijustdidn’twanttogohometotheemptypoolhouse—oratleastthat’swhatItold

myself.IntheoneweekI’dbeenintown,I’dalreadywatchedallofmymovies.Iwasgoingtohaveto

askJakeifIcouldborrowsomeofhis.WhenGavinpointedouthiscondo,Ihadtoseeit.Iwasdyingto

knowiftherewasanythingevenremotelymodernintown.

TheinsideofhisplacewasevencoolerthanIexpected.Ihadtogivehimcredit.Hehadgoodtaste.

Ilovedtheconcretecountertops,theexposedbrickandbeams,andthatview.Itwasbreathtaking.

Wesettledintoacomfortableconversation,andIletmyselfrelax.Heseemeddifferent.Insteadof

arguing,heappearedlegitimatelyinterestedinlearningmoreaboutme,andIfoundIactuallycaredabout

hisstoryaswell.

“Tellmeaboutyourjob,”IaskedafterGavinpoppedopenoursecondbottleofwine.Iwasn’tsure

wherethefirstonewent,butitwasgood,andIwasn’tcomplaining.

“Myjob?”Hepouredmoreintohisemptyglass.

“Yeah.IsbeingacoplikeitisonTV?”

Helaughed.“Notexactly.Well,unlessyouwatchcopshowsthatinvolveticketingfarmersfor

tractorviolationsormakingsureteensdon’tgettoocrazywiththeirparties.”

“Comeon,therehastobemore.”

Hetookalongsipofwine.“No,reallythereisn’t.Crimeisn’tmuchofaproblemhere.”

“Yousayitlikeit’sabadthing.”Iguessthereweresomebenefitsoflivinginthemiddleof

nowhere.

“Notbad,justboring.”Hestaredpensivelydownintohiswine.

“Igetthat.”

“Whatdoyouplantodoafteryougraduate?”Hishazeleyeshadmoregreeninthemthanusual,

probablybecausehewaswearingagreent-shirt.

Irelaxedbackintothearmofthecouch,enjoyingmywinebeforeanswering.“Iwanttoworkfor

theDistrictAttorneyinBoston.I’dlovetobeanassistantD.A.oneday.”

“Aprosecutor?Icanseethat.I’dbetyou’dbeprettyintimidatinginthecourtroom.”

“Intimidating?”Ilaughed.“Notexactly,butIthinkI’dbegoodatit.I’monthetrialteamatschool,

andI’vedoneprettywell.”

“Well,Idefinitelywouldn’twanttobeacriminalyouweretryingtoputbehindbars.”

“I’mnotthatscary.”

“No,you’renot.”Helookedatmeforaminute,finishingoffhisglass.“Areyoureadyformore?”

“Iprobablyshouldn’t,butwhynot?”AnidlethoughtabouthowintheworldIwasgoingtoget

homehitme,butIwasalreadytipsy,andIeasilybrusheditoff.

“WellIknowyousaidyoudon’tseemuchactionasacophere,butatleastyou’dbereadyforitif

youdid.”

Hepouredalittlemorewineinmyglass.“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Ijustmeanyou’reingoodshape—youcouldhandlewhatever.”Iwasfightingtheurgetorunmy

handdownhischest.Hist-shirtclungtoittightly,andIrememberedwhathischesthadlookedlikethat

dayonthebeach.

Todistractmyself,Ipulledoutmyhairtieandletmyhairfalldown.

Asmallsmilespreadacrosshislipsashereachedovertotakealockofmyhairbetweenhis

fingers.“Ilikewhenyouwearyourhairdown.”

“Yeah?It’sprettylong.I’mgrowingitoutforLocksforLove.”

“Oh,thewigsforcancerpatients?That’sreallycool.”

“Yeah.Ithinkit’salmostlongenoughnow.”Ididn’tgointoallofthereasonsitwasimportantto

me.Mostrevolvedaroundmymom.

“I’msureit’llstilllookgoodshort,butIlikeitnow.”

“Thanks.”

Watchinghimplaywithmyhairundidme.Ilostmybattleandreachedouttotouchhim,tentatively

atfirst.“Letmerephrasemypreviouscomment.You’reinamazingshape.”Icouldfeelthebloodrushing

tomyfaceandknewIwasblushing,butIgotalittlebraver,movingmyhandmore.

Hechuckled.“You’renotinsuchbadshapeyourself.”Ifelthishandonmylegandrealized

belatedlythatmyskirtwasridingup.ThiswouldusuallyhavebeenthepointwhereIwouldhavemoved

theguy’shandandexcusedmyself,butIdidn’twantto.

“Youknow,Ihadadreamaboutyoulastnight.”Alcoholmademehonest.Very,veryhonest.

“Agooddream?”Hishandmovedfurtherupmyleg.

“Areally,reallygooddream.”

“That’sacoincidence.Ihadthesamekindaboutyoulastnight.Butthenagain,I’vebeenhaving

themallweek.”

“Yeah?”

“Uhhuh.”Hislidsweregettingheavy.IknewifIwantedtobolt,Iwasgoingtohavetoactfast.I

didn’tmove.

“That’snice.”

“Nice?Isthatallitis?”

“Great,exciting,wonderful…”

“Perfect.”Heleanedinandbrushedhislipsagainstmine.

Whenhepulledawayslightly,Ifelthisabsence.“Yeah,perfect.”

Hislipsreturned,movingagainstmineslowlyatfirstbeforegettingmoreaggressive.Histongue

pusheditswayintomymouth.Hisarmswrappedaroundme,andIlethimleadmeontohislap.Webroke

thekissonlylongenoughforhimtohikemyskirtupmoresoIcouldstraddlehim.

Oneofhishandsmovedundermyshirt,slippingundermybratocradleabreast.Imoaned,

enjoyingthefeelingofbeingtouched.Ireachedahanddowntoslipunderhisshirt.Ineededtofeelhis

skin.Hepulledbackfromthekiss,andIlookeddownathim.

Hedidn’tsayanything.Hepulledoffhist-shirt,tossingittothefloor.Next,hemovedhisattention

tomyshirt,pullingitoffslowly,beforethrowingittojoinhis.Hishandwentaroundtounclaspmybra.

Hiseyeswatchedformyreaction.Inodded,lettinghimknowIwasallin,asthoughmyplaceonhislap

didn’talreadysayitall.

Heundidmybra,lettingitfallontothecouchnexttous.Hishandsreturned.Hislipslingeredonmy

earlobeandslowingmoveddowntomyneckandlower.Heranafingeroverthefadedscarsrightabove

myrightbreast,andIprayedhewouldn’taskaboutthem.Nothingwouldkillmymoodfaster.

Hedidn’t.“God,Iwantyou,Becca,”hesaidbreathlessly,removinghislipsforjustamoment

beforereturningthemtotheirpath.Ilovedthewaymynamesoundedwhenhesaidit.

“Iwantyoutoo.”

Igroanedinprotestwhenhislipsleftagain,butIstoppedworryingoncehepickedmeup.Iwound

myarmsaroundhisneckandlethimtakemeintohisbedroom.Helaidmegentlydownonhisbed,

slidingmyskirtdownovermyhipsandoutoftheway.Iwatchedashetookoffhisshorts.Ilookedaway

longenoughtonoticethefloortoceilingwindowshe’dmentionedearlier.Itwastoodarktoseethe

ocean,butthemoongavetheroomasilveryglow.

“Youaresogorgeous.”Helaydownnexttome,runningahanddownmystomach,stoppingrightat

mypanties.Hekepthishandthereforasecond,beforeremovingthem.Ituggedoffhisboxers,amazed

thatIwasactuallylyingnakedonaman’sbed.ForallthetimesI’dthoughtaboutgettingthisfar,Ihadn’t

everreallyimaginedithappening.Ihopedhewouldn’tfigureouthowinexperiencedIwas.

Iclosedmyeyesashishandsandlipsfoundmeagain,givingmyselfovertohimcompletely,

wantingtofeelhiscloseness,andlovinghiswhisperedwords.Iletmyhandsexploreaswell,loving

everyplaneItouched.Hewassomuscular,sosolid,sostrong.IknewIwassafewithhim.

Hemovedaway,andIrealizedhewasgettinghiswallet.Hepulledoutacondom,lookingdownat

metomakesureIwasready.Inodded,unabletoformthewords.Iexpectedpain,Iexpectedfeartotake

over,butIdidn’tfeeleitherofthosethings—insteadIfeltpleasure—Ifeltalive—Ifeltcomplete.

***

Myheadpounded,andIgroaned.IpromisedmyselfI’dneverdrinkthatmuchagain.Ittookafew

minutesfortheeventsofthenightbeforetoreachme.IfeltGavinstirbehindme,andIclosedmyeyes,

tryingtogetthecouragetorollover.AshungoverasIwas,Ididn’tregretsleepingwithhim.

“Goodmorning.”Hespokesoftly,likelyhearingmyirregularbreathingandrealizingIwasawake.

Itookadeepbreathandrolledtowardhim.“Goodmorning.”

Iexpectedasmilingfacetobewaitingforme,butinsteadIfoundafrown.“So,um…yeah,about

lastnight.”

“Iguesswewereprettydrunk.”Itriedtosmile.

“Yeah,verydrunk.”

Iwaitedformore.Therehadtobemore.

“So,Ithinkwecanbothagreeitwasamistake,andI’msorryIletithappen.”

IfeltlikesomeonehaddroppedaMacktruckonme.Theheadachefromearlierwasnothing.A

mistake?Iwasamistake?“Oh.Yeah.”

“Ithinkthebestthingtodowouldbetoforgetiteverhappened,justkeepitbetweenus.”Hisvoice

soundedstrained.

“Yeah,goodidea.”

Ifeltthetearsstingthecornersofmyeyes.Irolledoverandpulledthesheetaroundme,yankingit

offthebedsoIcouldpickupmyskirtandpantiesfromhisbedroomfloorandmytopandbrafromhis

den.Ididn’tbothertoturnaroundtoseehowhereacted.ThelastthingIwantedtoseewashisface.It

wasprobablysmug—orworse,fullofthatregrethe’dbeentalkingabout.

Istumbledintomyclothes,notusingthebathroomeventhoughIhadtogo.

Iheardhimmovingaroundhisroomanddidn’twaitforhimtocomeout.Iopenedthedoor,letting

itslambehindmebeforerunningbacktowhereIleftMolly’scarinthepubliclotatthebeach.Therewas

aticketonthewindshield—perfect.Didn’titcountforanythingthatIleftittherebecauseIwashaving

sexwithoneoftheirofficers?

AssoonasIclosedthecardoor,thetearsspilledout.Ihadtositamomentbeforepullingoutback

towardtheMathews’shouse.IreallyhopedIwouldn’trunintoanyone.

Safelyinsidethepoolhouse,Islunktothefloorjustinsidethedoor.HowcouldIhavebeenso

stupid?WhywouldGavinbeanydifferentfromotherguys?WhydidIexpectmorefromanalcohol-

fueledhookup?Ihadbeensuretherewasaconnection,butitwasonesided—andnowIfeltliketheidiot

Iwas.Andwhydidhewanttokeepitasecret?Washeembarrassed?WasIthatbad?Icouldhavesworn

he’denjoyedit,buthowwouldIhaveevenknown?

Istrippedoffmyclothes,fightingtheurgetothrowtheminthetrashinsteadofmyhamper.Itooka

scaldinghotshower,tryingtowashawayanyevidenceofGavinfrommyskin.I’dhavetofindawayto

avoidhimfortherestofthesummer.Itwasonlyafewmonths.

IheardmyphoneringasIwrappedmyselfupinaplushtowel.Iignoredit.Whoeveritwas,I

didn’twanttotalk.

BythetimeIgotdressed,IknewI’dhavetocancelmylunchplanswithMolly.TherewasnowayI

wasfacingher.TherewasnowayIwasfacinganyone.Ididn’tevenwanttofacemyself.

ChapterTwelve

Gavin

Iflinchedwhenthedoorslammedclosed.I’djustletthemostgorgeousandincrediblewomanI’d

everbeenwithwalkoutmydoor,butIhadnochoice.Foronce,Iwasn’tgoingtobetheloserwhocame

ontoostrongandreadtoomuchintosomething.I’dgiveherwhatshewanted:aonenightfling.

Shehadn’tevensaidgoodbye.Ithinkthat’sthepartthatgotme.Ithrewonsomeboxersandwalked

intothelivingroomassoonasIheardherleave.Thesheetfrommybedwasinaballonthecouch.Just

lookingatthatdamnsheetremindedmeofthenightwe’dshared.Ineededtostopthinkingaboutit,about

her.Whatwasdonewasdone.Hopefully,I’dbeabletosteerclearofheruntilsheleftinAugust.

Afterahorribleweekend,IreturnedtoworkonMonday.AshardasItried,Icouldn’tgetBeccaout

ofmyhead.I’ddonetheimpossibleandwornMaxoutonSaturdayrunninghimtoohard.Ididn’tknow

whatelsetodo.Ikeptreplayingitall.Startingwithrunningintoher,ourconversation,themost

unbelievablesexI’deverhad,andthewayI’dtreatedherthenextmorning.IneededtorememberthatI’d

protectedmyself,andshewasprobablyrelieved.

Tomcalledmeoutonmymiserablemoodwhenwestoppedforlunch.“Whatthehell’supwith

you?”

“Nothing.”

“Sure.I’mnotbuyingit.You’vebeenasmoodyasalittlegirllately.Youseriouslyneedtoget

some.”

IchokedonmyCoke.“That’snotmyproblem.”

“Sureitisn’t.”Hesmiledwickedly.Helovedgivingmeahardtimeaboutmypatheticdatinglife,

buthewasmarried.Hedidn’tgetit.

“Justletitgo.”

“Why?Somethingisobviouslyupwithyou.”

“You’renotgoingtoletthisgo,areyou?”IknewTomwellenoughtoknowitwasn’tworththe

effortofarguing.He’dpullitoutofmeeventually.

“Notachance.”Tomgrinned,stretchingouthisarmsontheboothbehindhim.

“Ineedachange.”Thatmighthavebeenthebiggestunderstatementofthecentury.Ineededalot

morethanthat.

“Achange?”

“Yes.Idon’tknowhowmuchmoreofthisIcantake.”

“Anythinginparticularyoucan’ttake?”Tomeyedmeskeptically,likehewastryingtofigureoutif

Iwasbeingseriousornot.

“Thethoughtofspendingmylifeasacopinthistown.”TalkingtoBeccaaboutithadjustforced

metoadmitwhatI’dbeenthinkingformonths:howpatheticmyexistencehadbecome.There’sonlyso

muchofpullingpeopleoverandsteppinginonpropertydisputesthatamancantake.

Tomstraightened.“Andyou’resuddenlyquestioningyourcareerpathbecause…”

“Igetit’sdifferentforyou.Youlikethisplace—no,youloveit.Yourfamily’shere,yourwife.Iget

it.Butit’sdifferentforme.ThiswasjustsupposedtobeastopwhileIfiguredthingsout.It’sbeenthree

years.”Withoutmeaningto,I’draisedmyvoice.

“Andyouthinkthejob’stheproblem?It’snotthejob.Youjustneedtomeetsomeone.”

“Yousayitlikethere’sathousandgirlstochoosefrom.Weliveinatownthesizeofacerealbox.

Anddon’tstartinonhowyoufoundKelly.It’sdifferent—youbothgrewuphere.”

“It’snotgoingtohappenifyoudon’tgiveanyoneachance.When’sthelastdateyouwereon?”He

shovedafewfriesintohismouth.

Ifocusedoneatingmyburger.

“ItwaswithRonny’scousintwomonthsago,wasn’tit?Twomonths.Andwhatwaswrongwith

her?”

“Ijustwasn’tinterested.Besides,shelivesinCharleston.”

Tomshookhishead.“SoisthatyourexcusewithBeccatoo?Shelivestoofaraway?Becausea

secondago,itsoundedlikeyouweretiredofthistownanyway.”

Becca.ThelastthingIneededwastohearhername.

“BeccaandIaren’tgoingtohappen,sojustdropit.”

“Notuntilyoutellmewhy.It’sobviousyou’reinterested,andsheistoo.Where’stheissue?”

“Forgetit.”Ithrewsomecashonthetableandwalkedout.IwasgoingtoloseitonTomifhe

didn’tshutup.

“Comeon,man.Chillout.”Tomcaughtupwithmeoutside.

“JustforgetIsaidanything,okay?”

“It’sgoingtoblowover.You’rejusthavingaroughpatch.Maybeyoushouldtakesomevacation,

visityourfamilyorsomething.”

“Maybe,”Imumbled,butIknewIwouldn’tactuallytakehisadvice.

ChapterThirteen

Becca

Ihidoutallweekend,tellingMollyandJakeIwassickanddidn’twantthemtocatchit.I

rewatchedmymoviesagain,makinganothermentalnotetoaskJaketoborrowsomeofhis.IfIdidn’t

keepmymindoccupied,itjustwentbacktoFridaynight.ThatnightwasnowfirmlyonmylistofeventsI

wantedtoerasefrommymemory.Maybesomepeoplewouldhavebeenabletohandleadumbhookup,

butIjustfeltgrossandworthless.

Mrs.MathewscamebyonSundayevening.Ireluctantlyopenedthedoorandfoundherholdinga

largePyrexdish.

“Hi,hon.Imadesomeextralasagna,andIthoughtyoumightwantsome.”Shehadherhairtiedback

inalowponytailthatmadeherlookyounger.

“Oh,wow.Thanks.Thatwasn’tnecessary.”

“Nonsense.It’salwayseasytomakealittleextrawhenyou’recooking.”Sheadjustedthefoil

coveringthedish.“I’vetoldyoualready,youarealwayswelcometojoinusfordinner.”

“Thankyou,butIdon’twanttoimpose.You’vealreadydonesomuch.”Theymighthavegivenmea

placerentfree,buttheyhadnoobligationtofeedmelikeIwaspartofthefamily.

“It’snotimposing.We’dlovetohaveyou,butIwon’tpushyou.”

“Well,thanksforthelasagna.”Iacceptedthedishandcarrieditintothekitchen.Mrs.Mathews

cameinandwaitedasIplaceditinthefridge.

“Sohowareyoudoing?IsthereanythingIcandotomakeyoufeelmoreathome?”

“No,IhaveeverythingIneed.Butthanksforthinkingofme.”ShelookeddisappointedwhenI

didn’taskforanything.“Well,Idohaveonequestion.”

“Sure,whatisit?”

“Isthereanywheretogetsushiaroundhere?”

“Sushi?”Shesmiled.“Iwouldn’ttrustanythingwiththatnameintown,butI’msurethere’s

somethingdecentinWilmington.Icanaskaroundforyou.”

“Oh,that’sokay.IjustthoughtI’dask.”

“It’snotaproblem.I’llgetanameofaplace.MaybeJakeknows.Speakingofwhich,hashebeen

botheringyoutoomuch?Behonest.Ifhehas,Icangethimoutofyourhair.”

Jakedefinitelywasn’tmyproblem.“No,he’sbeengreat.”

“Allright.Ijustwantedtocheck.”

“Thanks,buthe’sbeennothingbutnice.”

“That’sgoodtohear.I’mgoingtogetgoing,butI’llfindthatrestaurantnameforyou.”

“Thankssomuch.”Iclosedandlockedthedoorbehindher,feelingbetterthanIhadallweekend.

***

Mondaymorningcameagonizinglyslowly.AsmuchasIdreadedseeingMatt,itwouldprovidea

welcomebreakfromsittingaroundfeelingstupid—evenifhedideyemelikeIwasapieceofmeat.Igot

dressed,ready,andintoMolly’scar.

Mattwaswaitingformewithasmile.“Haveaniceweekend?”

“Iwassick,butitwasfine.You?”

“Myin-lawscametovisit.”Hesaiditlikeitexplainedeverything.

“Oh,I’msureyourkidsenjoyedseeingtheirgrandparents.”

“Theydid.I’mjustgladtohavemyhouseback.Youknowhowitiswhenfamilyvisits,right?”

Ididn’t,butInodded.

Hegavemesomemoreresearchtodo,anditkeptmebusyforawhile.Icalledthegaragetocheck

onmycaragain,buttheownergavemethesameanswerhehadwhenI’dseenhimthelasttime.They

werewaitingonapart.

IcheckedmyemailaroundelevenandgotthemessageIwasdreading.Mygradesforthesemester

hadstartedcomingbackin,andthey’ddroppedforthesecondsemesterinarow.AnyhopeIhadfor

keepingmyscholarshipwasgone.EvenifIgotA’sinmylasttwoclasses,Iwassunk.Itriedtopushit

outofmyhead,butbylunch,IdecidedIneededtocallthedeanandseeiftheycouldmakeanexception

andgivemeanothersemestertoprovemyself.

IwentforawalkaroundthesquareasIwaitedforthedeantocallback.IpickedupassoonasI

heardthefirstbarofmyfamiliarringtone.Ireallyneededtochangethesong.Thedeandidn’tbeataround

thebush.Hegotrighttothepoint.“I’msorry,Rebecca,butwecan’tmakeanexception.Iknowyouhada

difficultyearwithyourmother’sdeath,butthere’snothingwecando.”Hissympathetictonedidlittleto

easetheimpactofhiswords.

“Iunderstandyoucan’tmakeexceptions.I’lljustapplyforextraloans,thankyou.”Seriously,what

elsecouldgowrong?

Ishouldn’thaveasked.Mattfoundeveryexcuseinthebooktoputhishandsonmethatafternoon.It

tookallofmystrengthtoavoidsnappingathim.Icouldn’taffordtolosethejob.

***

“Allright,enoughisenough.”JakepoundedonthedoorSaturdayevening.I’dsuccessfullyavoided

everyoneallweek.I’dbeggedoutofabarbequeatKellyandTom’s.IknewGavinwouldbethere.There

wasnowayIwaslettinghimseehowmuchhe’dhurtme.

Iopenedthedoor,afraidJakewouldtiphisparentsoffifIdidn’t.Mrs.Mathewswasnice,butshe

wasalsoreallynosy.

“Yes?”Iaskedashepushedhiswaypastme.

“What’sgoingon?”

“Nothing.I’mjustwatchingTV.”

“Mollycalledme.Youcancelledplanswithherforthefourthtimethisweek.Youcancelledonme

twice.”Hetookhisusualspotonthecouch.

“So?”

“So,thatisn’tlikeyou.”

Ilaugheddryly.“Howwouldyouknowwhatwaslikeme?Youbarelyknowme.”

“Iknowyouwellenough.”

“Idon’twanttotalkaboutit.”JustthinkingaboutGavinmademeangry.Ifeltsousedandsostupid.

Andtheworstpartwasthattherewassomesideofmethatwantedtoseehimagain—thatkindofmissed

him.Iwasseriouslymessedup.

“Comeon,tellmewhat’swrong,”hepleaded.

SoJakewantedmetoopenup?Hewasgoingtogetwhatheaskedfor.Isatbackdownonthe

couch.Hesatdownnexttome.

“Haveyoueverbeenwithagirlwhowassobadinbedyouwantedtopretenditneverhappened?”

Icouldn’tmakemyselfmeethiseyeasIasked.Iwassuremyfacewasbrightred.

“What?”HelookedatmeasifIwerecrazy.

“Answerme.”Ifelthottearsofembarrassmentforming.

“No.Never.Butwherethehellisthiscomingfrom?”

“IthinkI’mthatgirl.”Thatwasit.Icouldn’tholdback.

“Whathappened?”Jakemovedclosertome,andIleanedintohim.“Areyoutryingtotellmeyou

sleptwithsomeonesincethelasttimeIsawyou?”

Iwassobbingtoohardtoanswerhim,soInodded.

Hepulledbackandtookmyfaceinhishands.“Lookatme.Idon’tknowwhathappened,butI

promiseyou,youdidn’tdoanythingwrong,andyoucertainlyweren’tbadinbed.Yougotthat?”

Inoddedagain,humiliatedtobehavingtheconversation.Hereleasedmyface.

“Okay,nowthatwe’veestablishedthat.Whothehellistheasshole?Andwhatexactlydidhesayto

you?”

ItookafewdeepbreathswhileJakewenttogrababoxoftissuesfromthebathroom.“Ican’ttell

you.Hewantedtokeepitbetweenus.”

“Whatthehell?Tellme,Becca.IswearI’mgoingtogoballisticifyoudon’t!”

“Calmdown.”Itookatissue.

“No.Whowasit?”

IwassopissedatGavinthatIletitout.“Gavin.”

“What?YousleptwithGavin?Why?”

“Idon’tknow.Weweredrunk,anditjusthappened.”

“Andhetoldyouhedidn’twantyoutotellanyone?”

“Hesaiditwasamistake,andweshouldforgetiteverhappened,orsomethinglikethat.Hesaid

weshouldkeepitbetweenus.”

“What?Whatafuckingidiot.”

“Jake.I’manadult.Imadethedecisiontosleepwithhim.”

“Yeah,buthe’stheonewhotreatedyouthatway.Andhegoesaroundactingallholierthanthou.

Whatacrockofshit.”Jakedrewinadeepbreath.Theangeronhisfacewassuchacontrasttohisusual

grin.

“Ijustfeeldumb.IfIcouldfindanotherjobsomewhere,I’djustgettheheckoutofthistown.”

“Becca,don’tsaythat.Anddon’tfeeldumb.Youwantedtodosomething,soyoudidit.It’snot

yourfaultheactedlikethat.Youbelonghereasmuchashedoes.”

“Heliveshere.Idon’t.”

“Fornow.He’snotfromhereeither.Andhey,youcouldalwayscomebackafteryougraduate.”

Ilaughed.“AndwhywouldIdothat?”

Heshrugged.“Idon’tknow.Whynot?”

“AsmuchfunasI’mhavingworkingatMorganandMorgan,it’snotlikeit’smydreamjob.”I’m

sureheheardthesarcasminmyvoice.

“It’snottheonlylawjob.”

“True,butI’mnotcomingback.Anychanceofthat’sgone.Iamsoembarrassed.AndcanIadmit

something?”

“Ofcourse.”

“Iactuallyfeltsomething.Ireallythoughtwemighthavehadaconnectionorsomething.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”Irelaxed.Itfeltgoodtogetitout.

“Interesting.”

“Notreally,butifyousayso.”Icurledmyfeetupunderme,tryingtogetmorecomfortable.

“Areyouokay?”

“Uhhuh.”

Jakestoodupsuddenly.“Okay,soIneedtogodosomething.”

“Whatdoyouhavetodonow?”

“Don’tworryaboutit.I’llcallyoulaterthough.”

“Okay.”Itriedtohidemydisappointmentthathewasleaving,buthehadhisownlife.

Whenheleft,ItriednottodwellonGavinorthescholarship.Icouldtakeoutloans,butjustlike

Gavin,losingmyscholarshipremindedmeofhowmuchofafailureI’dbecome.Iftherehadbeenone

constantinmylife,itwasthatIcouldhandleacademics,andnowIcouldn’tevendothat.

ChapterFourteen

Gavin

IfI’dhadanydoubtbefore,bySaturdayIknewforsurethatI’dmadeahugemistake.Onenight

withBeccaandthedamagewasalreadydone.HowmuchworsecouldithavebeenifI’dletitbecome

somethingmore,assumingshewaseveninterestedinthat?Butit’snotlikeitwasaonenightstandor

forever.Wecouldhavetried.

IagreedtogotoTom’sbarbequeinhopesofseeingBecca.IfIcouldjusttalktoher,Icouldgauge

howshefeltaboutthings.

Irangthedoorbell,butKellyyelledformetocomein.IwalkedintothekitchenandfoundMolly

andKellydeepinconversation.“I’mtellingyousomething’supwithher.Ijustdon’tknowwhatitis.”

“Areyousurethisisn’tabouthermom?It’sonlybeenafewmonths,right?Youwereprettymessed

upaboutyourdad.”Kellypulledsomebeeroutofthefridge.

TheyhadtohavebeentalkingaboutBecca.

Mollyglancedoveratmebeforeloweringhervoiceslightly.“Ithinkit’smore.Becca’saglasshalf

fullkindofgirl.Shetakeseverythinginstride.Ialwaysenviedherthatability.”

“Whatwasherexcusethistime?”

“Shedidn’tgiveone.Shejusttextedmetosayshewasn’tupforitandtotellyousorry.”Molly

lookedbackoveratme.“Whatareyoustilldoinginhere?Theguysareoutside.”

“Okay…”Ireluctantlyturnedtoleave.IwantedtoknowwhatwasgoingonwithBecca,butI

didn’tfeellikecrossingthosetwo.

“Here,takethesewithyou.”Kellyshovedabowlofchipsatmeandhandedmeabeer.

IjoinedTomandBenoutside,placingthebowlonatable.

“Hey,man.Wewerewonderingwhenyou’dgethere.”

“So,isitjustusthen?”Ispentwaytoomuchofmytimewiththosetwocouples.

“Yeah.WeinvitedBecca,butsheisn’tcoming.”

“Otherplans?”Ifishedforinformation.

Benputhishandsinhispockets.“Whoknows?She’sgotMollyallbentoutofshape.Youknow

howMollyis,blamingherselfforeverything.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybeshemetsomeone.”Tomsmirked.“Shecouldbeholedupwithhimrightnow.Hasn’tshe

beenspendingalotoftimewithyourbrother,Ben?”

Itensed.TherewasnowayBeccawaswithJake.

Benleanedovertograbachip.“Youdon’tthinkMolly’salreadygrilledhim?Heswearsthey’re

justfriends.”

Tommovedontohisnextsuspect.“ShewentoutwithRonnylastweek,buthe’soutoftownforthe

weekend.”

Isaidnothing.Therewasnoreasontobringitup.I’dtoldherweshouldkeepitbetweenus,andI’d

meantit.Wordwouldhavespreadlikewildfire.

“Thereyouare,youfuckingprick!”ThescreendoorbangedshutasJakestompedtowardus.Isaw

itcomingfromamileaway,butitstillsurprisedmesomuchIwasalmosttooslowtoblockhispunch.

Almost.Icaughthisfistwithmyhand.

“Whatthehell,man?”Bengrabbedhisbrotherbeforehecouldstupidlytryagain.

“You’regoingtopay.Howcouldyouhavetreatedherlikethat?Doyouevenrealizehowamazing

sheis?Ican’tbelieveshewasstupidenoughtopickyou,butshedid—andyoutreatedherlikeacheap

fuck?”

“Whatthehell?”Tomlookedbackandforthbetweenus.

IignoredTomandturnedmyattentiontoJake.“Shetoldyou?”

“Ohyeah,Iforgotyousworehertosilence.What,afraidofhurtingyourreputationasasaint?

Bullshit.Yes,shetoldme.Someonehadtofigureoutwhatwasgoingonwithher.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout,Jake?DidBeccaandGavinsleeptogether?”Mollycameover.This

wasjustgettingworse.

“Yes.Andthiswinnerdecidedtotellheritwasamistakeandthattheyshouldforgetitever

happened.”Jakestoodwithhisarmscrossedandascowlonhisface.

Mollymarcheduptome,shovingmychest.“YousleptwithBecca?”

“Yes.Itwasn’tabigdeal.Wegotdrunk,andithappened.”

“Yougotdrunk,andithappened?Itwasn’tabigdeal?Becausethat’showeverygirlwantsherfirst

timetobe.Ican’tevenlookatyou.”ShestormedoffwithKellyrightbehindher.

“Herfirsttime?”Islunkdownintoachair.“Shewasavirgin?”Iputmyheadinmyhands.

Wouldn’tIhaveknownthat?

“Suchawaste.Suchafuckingwaste,butforsomereason,shepickedyou.”Jakestillhovered.

“Areyousureshewasavirgin?”Shit,I’dscrewedup.

“Whoa,man.Youreallydugyourselfahole.”Tomshookhishead.

“Issheokay?AmIthereasoneveryone’sworriedabouther?”

Jakeputhisheadinhishandsforamomentbeforegivingmeadeadlystare.“Whatthehell,I’ve

alreadymadeherinfopublic.Yes.She’sconvincedshedidsomethingwrong.Sheactuallyaskedmeifa

girlcouldbebadinbed.Howcouldyouhaveletagirlfeelthatway?”

“Sheaskedyouthat?Shewasamazing—she’samazing.”

“Thenwhy’dyoutellheritwasamistake?”Jakefinallybackedoffalittle.

“Ifiguredshefeltthatway.”

“Andevenifshedid,whatwouldpossessyoutotellherthat?”Benasked.

“WhatwasIsupposedtosay,‘thanksforthefuck’?”

“Unbelievable.”Tomshookhisheadagain.“Unbelievable.”

“What?”

“Youhavegreatsex—”Tomstartedtosay.

“Nope,amazingsex.Hesaidamazing,”Jakebuttedin.

“Okay,amazingsex,withagorgeousgirl,andyoudidn’tknowwhattosaytoherthenextmorning?

Areyoureallythatmuchofaloser?”Tomwrunghishandsindisbelief.

“What’sdoneisdone.Now,howdoIfixit?”

“Fixit?”Jakeaskedincredulously.“Youmeanhowdoyouapologize?”

“HowdoIgetanotherchance?”

Tomlaughed.“Man,you’redreaming.”

“What?Wehadsomething.Ijustdidn’trealizeitatthetime.Ineedtotalktoheraboutit.”

“I’mstillnotbuyingyourexcuse,”Jakeadded.

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Ifyoulikeher,whydidyoutellhertoforgetaboutit?Notknowingwhattosaydoesn’tcoverit.”

“Itoldyou.Ifiguredthat’swhatshewantedtohear.”Iwasn’tabouttoadmittotheguysthatIwas

protectingmyself.Iwassosickofbeingtheloserwhothegirlsleftbehind.

“It’saboutDawn,justadmitit,”Tomchallenged.

“WhothehellisDawn?”Jakeasked.

“Shutup,Tom.”

“No,I’mright.Thisisaboutthefactthatyouarestillhunguponyourgirlfrienddumpingyou.It’s

beenthreeyears.Ithinkthat’senoughtimetogrowapair.”

“Don’tgothere,Tom.”

Jakeglaredatme.“Allright.Idon’tgiveadamnwhoDawnis,butyou’dbetterfixthingswith

Becca.Shebelongsinthistown,andI’mnotlettingyourunheroff.”

“IknowIhavetofixit,butshe’sonlyhereforthesummer.Don’tmakethiswhatitisn’t.”

“Bullshit.Youthinkshewouldn’tcomebackiftherewasareason?Shehasninemonthsofschool

leftandthennothingplanned.ShehasnofamilyinBostonandnojob.Herbestfriendliveshere—why

wouldn’tshecomeback?”

Benchuckled.“Ithinkhellmayhavefrozenover.Jakeisactuallytryingtohelpsomeoneotherthan

himself.”

Jaketurnedtohisbrother.“I’mtryingtohelpBecca.She’scool,andIwantheraround.”

“Yeah,exactly.Youwantagirlaroundandit’snotbecauseyouwanttosleepwithher.Impressive.”

JakepunchedBen’sarm.“Shutup.”

“Okay,canyoustoplongenoughtohelpmefigurethisout?”Discussingmyscrewuporhowcool

Beccawaswasn’tgoingtohelpmewinherback.

“You’vegottotrytotalktoher.”

“Iknow.I’mgoingtogonow.”

“I’dwaitalittle.”Kellyjoinedus.“Mollyjustwentovertotalktoher.”

“Ihopethatgoeswell…”Benlookedworried.

KellybrokeoffthefliptopfromherCoke.“Yeah,she’sprettyhurt.”

“Why’sMollyhurt?”Iasked.

“BecauseBeccadidn’ttellheraboutwhathappened.Girlsaresupposedtotelltheirbestfriends

thatkindofstuff,”Kellyexplained.

Jakebrusheditoff.“Oh,that’sbull.It’sobviouswhyshetoldme.”

“Caretoenlightenus?”Benaskedwithasmile.

“BecauseshecareswhatMollythinks,butnotwhatIthink.Shethinksshemessedupanddidn’t

wantanyonewhoseopinionmatteredjudgingher.Shemayhaveonlyknownmeaweekorso,butshe

knowsnothingshecandoisworsethanwhatI’vedone.”

“That’sallverynice,butI’mgoingoverthere.Ineedtotalktoher.Ican’tletherthinkIactually

meantanythingbywhatIsaid.”

“DoyoureallywanttocrossMollyandBeccawhenthey’remad?”Benasked.“Twoangrygirls

canbebrutal.”

“I’llriskit.”Istoodup,puttingmybeer,ofwhichI’dyettohaveasip,onthetable.

ChapterFifteen

Becca

“Openthisdoorupimmediately,Becca!”Mollyyelled.

Ipulledthecoversovermyhead.I’dactuallyresortedtogettingintobedateighto’clockona

Saturdaynight.

“Becca?Imeanit,orI’mgettingthekeyfromBen’smomandthenwe’llbothcomein.”

Thatdidit.Iwasupandatthedoorwithinseconds.“Hey.”

Shepulledmeintoahug,propellingusbackintotheroom.Forsuchapetitegirl,shewasstrong.

“Iknowwhathappened.”

“Oh.Listen,I’msorryI’vebeenignoringyou,Ijustcouldn’tfaceyou.”Iwalkedovertositonthe

couch.

“Couldn’tfaceme?Youcanalwaystellmeanything.”HervoicerevealedalevelofhurtIwasn’t

expectingtohear.

“Notthis.”

“Iknewyoulikedhim.Thatmuchwasobvious.”Shetookaseatnexttome.

“Really?Ididn’tevenreallyknowit…”

“Well,Idid.Iknewitwasjustamatteroftimebeforeyouguysgottogether.Ijustwouldn’thave

thoughtit’dbelikethis.”Shesqueezedmyhandreassuringly.

“Yeah.IknowI’vebeenblowingitoutofproportion.Ijustfeltdumb,andlikeafailureyetagain.”I

buriedmyfaceinmyhands.

Shemovedcloser.“Why’dyouthinkyouwereafailure?”

“Ican’tevenhavesexwell.Whatdoesthatsayaboutme?”

“Becca,pleasetellmeyoudon’tactuallybelievethat.Ithadnothingtodowiththesex.Itwasjust

Gavinbeingajerk.AlthoughIhavemysuspicionstheretoo.”

“Suspicions?”Iwonderedwhatshewasimplying.

“Ikindofthinkhegotscared.”

Ihalfcoughed-halflaughed.“Scared?Ofme?”

“Ofhowhefelt.Thisjustdoesn’tfeellikeGavin.Tellme,whatwasitlike?”

Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotgoingthere,Mol.Noway.”

“Notthedetails,butwhatwasitliketobewithhim?”

Idaredtolookather.“Itfeltgood.Itfeltsafe.”

“Ithinkhefeltsomethingtoo,butheknowsyou’releavingattheendofthesummer.That’stheonly

explanationIcanthinkof.IthinkhewasshockedwhenJaketoldhimyoucared—hethoughthewas

givingyouwhatyouwanted—acleanbreak.”

“WhenJaketoldhim?What?Ohmygod.Iamgoingtokillthatboy!”

Mollylaughed.“Finally,you’remakingsense.”

“WhoelsedidJaketell?Pleasetellme,itwasjustyouandGavin.”

Shelookedaway.“Tom,Kelly,andBenweretheretoo.”

“What!”Icouldn’tbelieveit.“HowamIgoingtofaceanyonenow?Ijustneedtoleaveandgo

home.”

Igotup,readytostartpacking.I’dhavetofindajobbackinBoston.“Becca,stopit.They’reyour

friends.”

“No,they’reyourfriends.Bigdifference.”

Shelookedhurtbymywords,buttheywerethetruth.“Theywanttobeyourfriendstoo.”

“Ican’tdothis.”

“Ifanyoneshouldbehumiliated,it’sGavin,notyou.Whatdoyouhavetobeembarrassedabout?”

“You’rejokingright?Becausebeingcompletelyinexperiencedandflippingoutwhenaguydidn’t

wantmeisn’tembarrassing?”

“Beinginexperiencedisn’tshameful,andyougotupsetbecauseaguytreatedyoubadly—it’snot

thathedidn’twantyou.”

“Whateveryousay.”EvenIcouldhearthecoldnessinmyvoice.

“Youcouldhavetoldmethough.Youdidn’thavetoshutmeoutandhide.”Thehurtinhervoice

wascrystalclear,butIwastheonewhohadtolivethroughtheexperience.Still,mytellingherbrother-

in-lawfirstmighthavebeenaslapintheface.

“Ididn’twanttobethatgirl,youknow?”

“Iknow.”SomethingaboutthewayMollysaiditmadeherwordsringtrue.She’dcertainlybeen

throughhershareofhardtimes,sosheprobablyunderstoodtheneedtokeepthingsprivate.

“Idon’tseehowIcanfaceanyofthem,especiallynotGavin.He’sprobablyregrettingwhat

happenedevenmorenow.”Ithurttosaythosewords.Ididn’twanthimtoregretit.

“Ialreadytoldyouhedidn’tregretit.Youdon’thavetobeembarrassedtofacehim,andit’sno

reasontoleave.”

Therewasalouderknockonthedoor.Iknewwithasinkingfeelingitwasn’tKelly.

IlookedatMolly,lettingherknowIwantedhertodealwithit.Sheopenedthedoorandslipped

outside,butnotbeforeIsawGavinlookinginatme.Iwantedtodisappear.

Mollycamebackinside,closingthedoormostoftheway.“Hewantstotalktoyou.Butyoudon’t

haveto,youknow.”

“Whatisthis,sixthgradeagain?”

Itriedtofixmyhairalittle,gladIwaswearingyogapantsandnotpajamas,andwalkedtothe

door.“Yes?”Imademyselflookupathim.

Helookednervouslydownatme.“Canwetalk?”

“Sure.”IwalkedovertositontheloungechairI’dbeensittingonwhenIopeneduptoJakeabout

mynon-existentsexlife.Realgreatdecisionthatwas.

Mollylookedatme.

Inodded.“Youcango.Ipromisewe’llhangouttomorrow.”

“Okay,ifyou’resure.”Shewavedandslowlywalkedaway.

IlookedbackatGavin,whosatdownnexttome.“So…”

“I’msorry.”

“Whatexactlyareyousorryfor?Forsleepingwithme?”

Heshookhisheadandlookedalarmed.“No!No,that’snotit.I’mnotsorryforthat.”

“Yousureseemedthatwaylastweek.”

“Iwasjustbeinganidiot.”

“Sowhyareyouhereexactly?”

“Ican’tstopthinkingaboutyou,Becca.IonlysaidthosethingsbecauseIthoughtitwouldmake

everythingeasier,butobviouslyallIdidwasscrewthingsupmore.”

“And?”

“And,well,wouldyoumaybewanttogooutsometime?”Hegavemethishalfsmilethatdid

somethingtomystomach—butIignoredit.

“Isthisajoke?”

“No,ofcoursenot.”

“Listen,Gavin.Youdidn’thavetocomeheretoapologize.I’mabiggirl,andIcanhandleit.I’m

onlygoingtobearoundanotherfewmonths—soit’snotthatbigofadeal.”

“Butitisabigdeal.Idon’twanttoavoidyou.Iwanttoseeyoumore.”

“Youhaditrightthefirsttime.”Ipickedupmychinandforcedmyselftomeethiseyes.

“Whatareyousaying?”

“Let’sjustpretenditneverhappened.Goodnight.”Igotupandheadedinside.

“Becca,wait.Please,let’stalkaboutthis.”

Iclosedthedoorbehindmewithoutturningaround.

ChapterSixteen

Gavin

OfallthestupidthingsI’ddone,lettingBeccaslipoutofmyplacewasthedumbest.Thefullreality

ofithitmeasIwalkedthroughthegateanddowntheMathews’sdriveway.Idon’tknowwhatIwas

expectinghertosay,butthrowingmyownwordsbackatme,andtellingmeshewantedtoforgetitever

happenedwasasbadasitcouldget.

“Inevertookyouforbeinganidiot.”MollyleanedbackagainstBen’struckwhereshe’dparkedit

alongthestreet.

“Thanks,Ineededthat.”

“Iheardwhatyousaidtoher.”

“Eavesdropmuch?”

“Doyouwanttogivemeahardtime,ordoyouwantmyhelp?”Shecrossedherarms,daringmeto

argue.

“Youthinkyoucanhelpme?”

“Yes.ButonlybecauseIthinkit’swhat’sbestforBecca.”

“YouthinkI’mwhat’sbestforBecca?”Thiscouldbegood,reallygood.

“Yes.Shelikesyou.Sheobviouslytrustsyou,orshewouldn’thavebeenwithyou.Becca’salways

beenafraidtotrustpeople,andshe’ssoworriedabouthersafetythatitcomesacrossasOCDor

something.Shedeservestofeelsafe,andtobehappy,andyoumightbeabletohelponbothaccounts.”

“IknowIcan.AtleastIwanttotry.”

“Sheneedstostaythesummer.Idon’tthinkthere’sanythingforherinBostonanymore,andIwant

hertoknowshecanhaveaplacehereifshewants.”

“YousoundlikeJake.”Ishiftedfromfoottofoot.Iwasanxioustodosomething,anything.

“Ugh.Don’tsaythat.Butifhe’sonboard,thenallthebetter.”

“Sohowdoyouthinkyoucanhelp?”

“I’mworkingonaplan.”Shekickedaroundarockwithherflipflop.

“When’sitgoingtobeready?”

“Ineedsometime,butwhydon’tyoustartbygettinghercarback.Dalewentoutoftownforthe

weekend,butI’msureyoucanfindsomeonewithwhateverthatpartistheyneed,can’tyou?”

“Yes.Okay,hercar.Icandothat.”

Mollysmiled.“Good.”

“AreyougoingbacktoTomandKelly’s?”

“Yeah,areyou?”

“No,IthinkI’lljustgohome.”

“Allright,butstartthinkingofwaystofixthismess.Iknowyoudidn’tmeantohurther,andshe’ll

seethatonedayifyoucanmakeupforthefactthatyouwereatotaljerk.”

“Ihopeso.”Ididn’taddthatIhopedshe’drealizeitsoon.

***

Idecidednottogostraighthome.Dale,theownerofthegaragemayhavebeenoutoftown,but

Gregwasaround.Istoppedbyhishousewithoutcallingfirst.

“ListenIneedyoutodomeafavor.”

“I’mlistening.”Hedidn’tmovetoopenthedoorwider,soIfiguredwe’dhavetheconversationon

thefrontstep.Maybehehadcompanyhedidn’twantmetoknowabout.

“Ineedyoutofinishupthatlittlebugyouhaveintheshop.”

“Excuseme?”

“I’msureDalegotthepart.Hejustdidn’twanttobebotheredbeforetakingofffortheweekend.”

“Sowhatdoyouwantmetodoaboutit?”Heleanedagainstthedoorframe.

“Fixhercar,Greg.”

Aslowsmilespreadacrosshisface.“Whyareyousoconcernedaboutthebug,Gavin?”

“BecauseBeccadeserveshercarback.”

“Sothisisjustthechivalroussideofyou?Ithasnothingtodowithtryingtogetwithher?”He

grinned.

“Listen,youoweme.Dothis,andwe’reeven.”Ididn’tfeeltheneedtobringupexactlywhyhe

owedme:I’dmadesuretokeephisbrother’sassoutofjail.

“Fine.I’llgotomorrowandfinishthejob.”

“Thanks,man.Callmewhenit’sdone,okay?”

“Sure,I’mguessingyouwanttobringittoheryourself?”

“Yes.”Ofcoursesheprobablywouldn’tbethrilledaboutit.

Iwentstraighthomeafterthat.Iwasn’tsurewhatdifferencethecarwouldmake,butitwasastart,

andIhadtofixthingswithBecca.Icouldn’tgetheroutofmyhead,andIdoubteditwasgoingto

suddenlygetanybetter.

***

GregcalledmearoundeleventhenextdayandtoldmehehadBecca’scardone.Ipaidthebilland

gotintothedriver’sseat.It’sagoodthingI’mnotclaustrophobicbecauseIhadalmostnoroominthatsad

excuseforacar.Whysomeonewouldchoosetodrivesuchasmallcar,especiallyanoldonewasbeyond

me—butfromthebriefconversationIheardherhavewithMolly,shehadsomesortoffondnessforit.

Ileftmycaratthegarage,hopingBeccawouldforgivemeenoughtogivemealiftback.Ifnot,I’d

returnMolly’stoher.Icouldwalktothegaragefromthere.IsatinthecarforaminutelongerthanI

neededto.Iwasn’tsurewhatkindofreactionIwasinfor.

AsIwalkedintotheyard,IrealizedIdidn’tneedtoworryaboutwhethershe’dopenthedoor.I

watchedassheswamlapsinthelargepool.Shewassograceful.Herfigurecutelegantlythroughthe

water.IheldbackasmuchasIcould,notreadyforhertonoticemerightaway.

“Istheresomethingyouneed?”Shepulleduphergoggles,herhandspressedagainstthesideofthe

pool.

“Youswim?”Iaskedstupidly,walkingover.

Shesmiledjustalittle.“Yeah,Iswim.”Shewaswearingaone-piecesuit,butithuggedher

closely,andwatchingherwetonlybroughtotherthoughtstomyhead.

“Icamebytodropoffyourcar.”

Thatgotherattention.Shepulledherselfout,andIatleastmanagedtograbhertowelforher.

Iwatchedherdryoff.I’msureIlookedlikeacompletecreep.Onceyou’vebeenwithagirl,it’s

impossiblenottopicturehernakedinmomentslikethose.Whenyoustillwanther,itonlygetsworse.

“How’dyougetmycar?”Shepulledanelasticbandfromherhair,lettingitallfalldownherback.

I’dneverseenherhairwetbefore.Ilikedit.“Theguyatthegaragesaidhewouldn’tfinishuntil

Monday.”

“Someonewhoworksthereowedmeafavor.”

Shefrowned.“Soyoudiditoutofsomeweirdformofguiltorsomething?ItoldyouIdon’tcare

aboutwhathappened.Itwasadumbmistake,andit’sover.”

Ireachedoutforher,ignoringtherationalpartofmybraintellingmesheprobablydidn’twantme

touchingher.“Theonlymistakewasmelettingyouleavelikethat.Iwasanidiot,Becca.”

Shetookastepawayfromme,shruggingoffthehandIplacedonherarm.“We’vebeenoverthis,

andIthoughtwe’ddecidedtoletitgo.I’llbeoutofyourhairbeforeyouknowit.”

“Outofmyhair?Areyouevenlisteningtome?Iwantyou,Becca.WhatcanIdotochangeyour

mind?”

Shegotafunnygrinallofasudden,andIhadnoideawhatIwasinfor.“Itmightnotchangemy

mind,butIdohavesomethingyoucandoforme.”

“What?”

“Waithere.”Shecrossedovertothepoolhouseanddisappearedinside.Ihopedshe’dbecoming

back.Thedooropenedaminutelater.Shehadabeachcoveruponandapieceofpaperinherhand.“I

figureyoucantakecareofthisforme.”

Itookthepaper,readytoagreetoanything.Itwasaparkingticket.

“Youwantmetotakecareofaticketforyou?”

“Lookatthedateandlocation.”

Ireaditandcouldn’thelplaughing.“Thiswasthenightyouspentatmyplace.”

“Yeah.Ifiguredputtingoutforanofficershouldpayitoff.”Shewaitedabeatbeforesmiling.She’d

hadmeworriedforasecond.Atleastshestillhadasenseofhumor.

“I’lltakecareofit.”

“Good.MayIhavemykeys?”

“Ohyeah,sure.”Ipulledherblackbraidedkeychainfrommypocket.Sheheldherrighthandoutto

takethem,butinsteadItookherlefthandinmine,andpulledopenherfist,placingthekeyinsidebefore

wrappingmyhandaroundhers.

“Thanks.”Hereyeswidened.

“You’rewelcome.”Ileanedforwardtokissher,relievedwhenshedidn’tpullawayimmediately.I

didn’twanttopushmyluck,butI’dbeencravingherconstantlythepastweek.Iputanarmaroundher,

pullingheragainstme,needingtofeelherbodyagainstmine.Shebrokethekiss,pushingherhands

againstmychesttodistanceus.

“Youshouldgo.”Shecrossedherarms.

“Doyoureallywantmeto?”

Shelookedtornforasecond,andIletmyselfgethopeful.“Yes.”

“No,youdon’t.Butthat’sbesidethepoint.Ineedaride.”

“Areyouserious?”

Ismiled,watchingthelookofpaniccrossherface.Shewasnervousbeinginacarwithme.I

wonderedifshewasmoreworriedaboutmeorherreactiontome.

“Fine.Iwanttogetchangedfirst.”Shedidn’twaitforananswer.Shejustwentinside.

Ifloppeddownintoachairbythepooltowait.She’dkissedmeback,andIknewshefeltittoo.

Shewasstillinterested.Ijusthadtogethertotrustmeagain.IturnedasIheardthebackdoortothemain

houseopen.MaryMathews,Ben’smother,cameoutandpulledoutachairtositnexttome.“Visiting

Becca?”

“Yeah.Idroppedhercaroff.”

“Thatwasniceofyou.”

“Justtryingtohelp.”

“She’sabeautifulgirl,isn’tshe?”Marysaidwithasmallsmile.

“Thatsheis.”

“Notthatthisisinformationyou’dbeinterestedin,butshewasaskingmeaboutwheretogetsushi

aroundhere.”

Thedoortothepoolhouseopened.IglancedatMaryquicklybeforegettingup.“Thanksforthe

intel.”

Shewinked.“Justmentioningit.”

“Hey,hon,”shecalledtoBeccabeforedisappearingbackintothehouse.

Beccawalkedovertome,dressedinalightbluestraplesssundress.Bluewasdefinitelyhercolor.

“Youready?”

“Sure.”

WewalkedaroundtothefrontofthehousewhereI’dparkedhercar.Iwaitedforhertogetinand

reachovertounlockthepassengerdoor.Ibarelyfit.Shepulledoutandheadedtowardthesquare.

“Haveyouhadlunch?”

“No,why?”Shesoundedhesitant.

“Oh,noreasonreally.Iwasjusttotallycravingtheeelrollsatmyfavoritesushiplacein

Wilmingtonandwasgoingtoheadover.Anyinterestinjoiningme?”

“Youlikesushi?”Sheeyedmeskeptically.

“What,Ihaveasouthernaccent,soIcan’teatsushi?”

Sheturnedred.“No,sorry.It’sjustthatMollywouldnevertouchit,andIjustassumed…”

“Yeah,andweallknowhowbeneficialassumptionsare.”

Weweregettingclosetothegarage,andIwatchedhermullitover.“Okay,butyou’redriving.”

“Iwasgoingtoinsist.There’snowayI’mspendingmoretimeinthisthing.”

“Thisthing?Doyoureallywanttogothere?”

Igrinned.“Nope.Justdropmeoff,andI’llfollowyoubackhomesoyoucanleaveyourcarthere.”

“Allright.I’llseeyouinafewminutes.”

Shepulledtoastoprightbymycar,andIhoppedout.Mylegsprotestedfromthecrampedspace.

“Seeyainasecond.”

“Thankyou,MaryMathews,”IsaidasIfollowedthatlittleyellowbugbackthroughtown.

ChapterSeventeen

Becca

HadIseriouslyjustagreedtohavelunchwithGavin?Hiscommentaboutcravingsushithrewme

off,andthenhe’dcalledmeoutforbeingrude.

MaybeIshouldhavebeenmoresurprisedthatI’dlethimkissme.Hejustcaughtmeoffguard,and

hislipsfeltsogoodagainstmine.Thenhewentandputhisarmaroundme.Itwastoomuchtoresist.

IknewIshouldstayawayfromhim,butwhatwouldonelunchdo?Besides,ifanythingwasgoing

toputmeinagoodmood,itwassushi.IwasgettingtiredofallthesaladsandfrozenmealsI’dbeen

eatingsincearrivingintown.TheonlygoodmealsI’dhadweretheFrenchtoastandthatlasagnafrom

Mrs.Mathews.

Iparkedmycaralongthecurb,checkinginmyrearviewmirrortoseethatGavinwasstillright

behindme.Igotoutandwaitedasheparked.Hecamearoundsohecouldopenmydoorforme.IfI

didn’tknowanybetter,Iwouldhavethoughthewasagentleman.

“I’mgladyoudecidedtocometolunch.Thisplaceisawesome.”

“I’mexcited.I’veactuallybeencravingsushilately.”Ibuckledmyseatbelt.

Hesmiled.“Really?Whatacoincidence.Itlookslikewehavesomethingelseincommon.”

“Whatelsedowehaveincommon?”

“I’mguessingbyyourdisplayonthebeachthatyou’reintosports.Iamtoo.”

“Didyouplayanything?”Ilikedhowhewaskeepingtheconversationoffwhathappenedbetween

us.Itwaslikeweweredoingeverythingbackwardthough:gettingtoknoweachotherafterwe’dslept

together.

“Yeah,youcansaythat.”Hegotastrangelookonhisface,likesomethinghe’dsaidwasfunny.

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Iplayedbaseball.”

“Likeinhighschoolorcollege?”

“Iplayedintheminorsforafewyears.”

“Really?Wow,that’sreallycool.”Iwassuchabaseballfan,ofcourseI’dfallenforaplayer.

“Yeah,itwas.”Ashadowcrossedhisface.

“Whendidyoustop?”

Heturnedontothehighwayleadingoutoftown.ItwasthefirsttimeI’dleftsinceIdrovedown,and

Iwaslookingforwardtoachangeofscenery.“Aboutthreeyearsago.Arotatorcufftearendedthings.”

“Oh,I’msorry.”Ouch.IcomplainedaboutlosingmyjobwiththeD.A’soffice,buttherewasstill

thechanceIcouldworkthereinthefuture.He’dlosthisdreamcompletely.

“It’sthepast.”Hekepthiseyesfocusedstraightahead.

“Yeah,butthatdoesn’tmakeiteasy.”

Heglancedoveratme.“That’sdefinitelytrue.”

“Sowho’dyouplayfor?”Shortlivedornot,itwasstillexciting.

“TheDurhamBulls.”

“Ohcool.WereyouhopingtoplayfortheRays?”

“Youknowtheirmajoraffiliation?”Heraisedaneyebrow,takinghiseyesofftheroadforamoment

tolookatme.

“ItoldyouIwasabaseballfan.”

“Yeah,butthatdoesn’tmeanyou’dknowthat.”

Ishrugged“I’mabaseballnerd.Whatdoyouwant?”

Helaughed.“Ilikeyou,Becca.Buttoansweryourquestion,yeah,Iwashopingtoplayforthem.

Well,itwasmorethanthat.Ihadthecontract.IjustgothurtbeforeIcouldstart.”

“Oh,howawful.”Withoutthinking,Iputahandonhisarm.

“It’sallright.LikeIsaid,it’sthepast.”

“Doyoustillliketowatch,ordoesitdepressyouorsomething?”

Helookedover.“Yeah,Istillwatch.Why,youwanttocatchagamesometimeorsomething?”

“Wherewouldwego?”

“Answermefirst.”Hegotafunnysmileonhisface.“Doyouwanttocatchagame?”

“Yeah,unlessyou’retalkinglittleleagueorsomething.Thatcanbeprettypainfultowatchunless

youknowthekids.”

Helaughed.“No,I’mnottalkinglittleleague.”

“Then,sure.”WasIreallyagreeingtospendmoretimewithhim?Ineededhelp.Theguyhumiliated

me,andnowIwasgoingtoplaynice.Noway.“Wait.”

“What?”

“Butonlyasfriends.”

“Ithinkwe’repastthe‘friends’stage.”

“Thenforgetit.Iagreedtohavelunch,butIwasseriouswhenIsaidweneededtoforgetwhat

happened.”Ilookedoutthewindow.

“Andthatkissearliercanceledthatout.Wearenotdoinganythingasfriends.I’veplayedthatgame

before,andit’snotgoingtowork.”

“AndwhatifIdon’twanttobeanythingmorethanfriends?”

“Let’snotworryaboutalabelrightnow.I’djustliketogettoknowyou.Ishouldhavedonethat

beforetakingyouhome,butIcan’tchangethatnow.Solet’sjustenjoyit,okay?”

Ifoundmyselfnoddingwithoutmeaningto.Partofmeneededtomakesomethingmoreofourhook

up—tomakeitworthit.Maybewe’dendupfriendsbytheendofthesummer.

Gavinpulledintoabusylot.Itlookedlikeweweren’ttheonlyonesinthemoodforsushi.Heled

meintotherestaurant.

Wewereseatedatawindowtable.Gavinpulledoutmychairbeforeseatinghimself.Yetanother

pointforhim.Callmeoldfashioned,butIlikedamanwhotreatedawomannicely.

“Doyouusuallygetrolls,sushi,orsashimi?”Gavinhadn’tevengivenmeachancetolookoverthe

menu.

“Ah,usuallyrolls,butI’mopentoanything.”Iglanceddownatthemenu.“Oh,Idefinitelyhaveto

trytheirseaweedsalad.”

“Okayrolls,andyou’reopentoanything.Doesthatmeanyou’llletmeorderforbothofus?”

Helookedatmeasifheexpectedanargument.

“Isthatachallenge?”

“Maybe.”

“Orderaway.”Iwavedmyarmouttomysideina“thesky’sthelimit”kindofgesture.

Thewaitercameover,andIlistenedcloselyasGavinorderedushotteaandenoughrollstofeedat

leastfourpeople.Iwashappytohearthatherememberedtheseaweedsalad.

“Youdon’treallythinkwe’regoingtoeatthatmuch,doyou?”

Hegrinned.“You’veneverseenmeeatbefore,haveyou?”

Ilookedathim.Hewasabigguy,butIknewforafacthehadnofatonhim.Hewasbuiltlikea

rock.“Iguessnot.Soyouhaveabigappetite?”

“Yeah,Ihaveabigappetite.”Helookedrightatmeashesaidit,andIknowIdetectedsomething

suggestiveinhiscomment.Icouldpracticallyfeelmycheeksburning,soI’msureIblushed.Hewas

gettinggoodatembarrassingme.

“Younevertoldme,wheredidyougrowup?”

“Augusta,Georgia,”hesaidasthewaiterarrivedtopourourtea.

“Really?Sowereyouintogolf?”

Hesmiled.“Youknowgolftriviatoo?”

“KnowingwheretheMastersareplayedeveryyeardoesn’tcountasgolftrivia.It’scommon

knowledge.”

Helaughed.Iloveditsdeepsound.“You’dbesurprised.I’vedatedplentyofgirlswho’venever

evenheardoftheMasters.”

“Maybethat’smoreastatementonthetypeofgirlsyoudate…”

“Isthatyourwayofaskingaboutmydatinghistory?”

“No.Itwasjustastatement.”MaybeIwasalittlecurious.

“I’vedatedenough,butI’veonlyreallyhadoneseriousrelationship.”

“Recent?”Itookasipoftea,enjoyingthewarmthintheoverlyairconditionedroom.

“It’sbeenthreeyears.”

Ididthemath.“Oh,youweretogetherwhenyouplayed.”

Henodded.

“Butnotafter?”Ibitmytongue.Iwasbeingnosy.Hetensed,andItriedtobackpedal.“Sorry,

that’snoneofmybusiness.”

“No,it’sokay.It’safairquestion.Shebrokeitoffwhensherealizedmycareerwasover.”

Ouch.Thatwascold.Inakneejerkreaction,Ireachedacrossthetableandgrabbedhishand.

Helookeddownatmyhandonhislikehewassurprised.Istartedtopullmineaway,whenhe

wrappedhisaroundmine.Heglancedupandsmiled.“Toughtimestendtobringoutpeople’strue

natures.”

“Yeah,that’strue.ButI’msorry.Ican’timaginehowharditwouldhavebeentohaveallofthat

happenatonce.”Ishouldhavekeptmymouthshut.Heprobablydidn’tcarewhatIhadtosayaboutit.

“Itwasn’tfun.Butwhataboutyou?”

“Whataboutme?”

“Itoldyouaboutmydatingpast.What’syourstory?”

Mychesttightened.Isowasn’tgoingthere.“There’snothingmuchtotalkabout.”

“Therehastobesomething.Youmusthavedated.IdoubtRonnyandIwerethefirsttwomento

showaninterestinyou.”

“I’vebeenondates,butnothingofconsequence.Youalreadyknowhownonexistentmysexlifeis

—orwas.”Itookanothersipoftea.

Herubbedhisthumbovermyhandandjustsmiledatmeforasecond.“Allright,I’llbuyit,butI

stillfindithardtobelieve.IfIfindsomeirateex-boyfriendchasingmedown,I’mgoingtobemadyou

didn’twarnme.”

Itriedtoforcealaugh.“No,noirateex-boyfriends,Ipromise.”

“Good.”

Ourfoodarrived,andGavindugin.Iwasn’tpositivewhateverythingwas,butIdecidedtobe

adventurous.IunderstoodwhyGavinlikedtheeelrolls:theyweresomeofthebestI’dhad.Myfavorite

hadtobetheDragonRoll.Ithadenoughspicetoleavemereachingformyteaaftereachpiece.

“Youdoeatalot.”

“Andyoudon’teatenough.Ihopeyouaren’tholdingbackonmyaccount.”

“Nope,I’vehadplenty.”I’deatenmorethanIusuallywould.Contrarytohowheusuallymademe

feel,atthatmoment,Iwascomfortablewithhim.

“Okay,good.I’vefigureditout.”

“What?”Iasked.

“Whatyourflawis.Youseemedtooperfect.Beautiful,athletic,intowatchingsports,smart,funny

—therehadtobeacatch.NowIfoundit.”

“Andwhat’sthecatch?Asidefrommyaccentofcourse.”

Hesmiled.“You’reahealthfreak.Butdon’tworry.Youwon’tbewhenI’mdonewithyou.”

Whenhewasdonewithme?Iknewitwasasaying,butitupsetmesomewhereinthepitofmy

stomach.

“Areyouokay?Iwasonlyjoking.”

Iguessmyreactionshowed.“I’mfine.”

“Okay,good.”Wefinishedeating,andGavininsistedongettingthecheck.Ilethim.Icouldtellhe

likedtodothingstraditionally.Maybeourhookupreallywasoutofcharacterforhim.

“Youready?”Heacceptedhiscreditcardbackfromtheserver.

“Sure.Thanksforlunch.”

“Anytime.”Heleanedacrossthetablealittle.“AndImeananytime.”

“Thanks.”Ismiledbeforepushingoutmychair.

Wedrovebacktotownchattingaboutbaseballmostlyuntilwewerealmostbackatmyhouse.

“Areyoudoinganythingfuntonight?”heasked.

“I’mhangingoutwithMolly.Ikindofoweittoher.Iblewheroffallweek.”

“Youhadeveryreasonto.Andthat’smyfault.Ireallyamsorry.”

Hehesitatedwithhishandonthegearshift.“Canwehangoutnextweekend?Wecankeepit

simple.Maybejustcoffee?”

Ihadtothinkitover.Iwasn’tsureifspendingmoretimewithhimwouldbepushingit,butI’d

survivedlunchandevenkindofenjoyedit.SurelyIcouldhandlecoffee.“Okay.”

Hedrovemetherestofthewayhome.“Haveagoodweek,Becca.”Heleanedoverandkissedme

onthecheek.

“Thanks.Youtoo.”

Iwasalittlesurprisedwhenhedidn’ttryanythingelse,butIknewitwasforthebest.“Seeya,

thanksforlunch.”

“Ohwait,onequestion?”heaskedasIopenedthedoor.

“Yeah?”

“What’syourfavoritekindofflower?”

“Lilies,yellowlilies.Why?”

“Noreason.Bye.”

“Bye.”Ididn’tknowwhattothinkasIwalkedbackinside,butIdefinitelyhadasmileonmyface.

ChapterEighteen

Becca

MydeskwascompletelycoveredinyellowliliesMondaymorning.Ihadtomoveafewvasesjust

toturnonmycomputer.

“Doyouknowwhothey’reallfrom?Ididn’tfindacard.”

IturnedtoseeMattinthedoorway.

“Wouldyouhaveopenedthecardifyou’dfoundone?”

“No,ofcoursenot,”hesaidquickly.

Iwasn’tsosure.“Iknowwhothey’refrom.”

Mattstoodwaitingformetotellhim.Hewasoutofluck.“I’mgoingtofinishupthatresearchyou

hadmestartlastweek.”

“Okay…”hestammered.

Ibitbackasmilebeforesittingdown.

Itwasimpossibletohaveanythingbutagreatdaywithsomanybeautifulflowerssurroundingme.

Myusuallybleakofficefeltcheerful.Oneshouldneverunderestimatethepowerofflowers—especially

severaldozenofthem.

Iwasstillthinkingabouttheflowersthatnight.IneededtothankGavin,butIdidn’thavehis

number.TheironythatIdidn’thaveanumberfortheoneguyI’dhadsexwithwasn’tlostonmeasI

textedKellyforit—gladIdidn’thavetobotherMolly.ShewasatashowwithBen.

Myphonerangimmediately.“Ohmygod,youwanttomakeup?”

“Hey,Kelly.Wealreadydid,kindof,butIdon’thavehisnumber,andIneedit.”Idecidedtoleave

outthereason.

“I’lltextittoyouwhenIhangup.”Shesoundedwaytooexcited.

Ilaughed.“Okay,I’mgoingtogetoffsoIcancallhim.”

“Sure,butyouhavetofillmeinonallthedetailslater.”

“Okay,bye.”

Aspromised,shetextedmehisnumber.Insteadofcalling,Iwentwithatextmessage.Thanksfor

theflowers.Ididn’tbothertotellhimitwasme.He’dfigureitout.

Hewrotebackimmediately.Whatflowers?

Ilaughedbeforereplying.Fine,makesuretothankwhateverguydidsendthemtome.

Ididn’tgetareplyrightawayandassumedhewasn’tgoingtorespond.Iwasjustabouttogiveup

andputdownmyphonewhenIgotanewtext.Hesays“you’rewelcome.”

IsmiledasIgotreadyforbed.

***

IwasstillinagreatmoodTuesdaywhenMattstoppedbymyofficearoundlunchtime.

“Didyouordersushi?”

“What?”

“Thiswasjustdroppedoff,andit’sgotyournameonit.”

Itooktheplasticbagfromhim,knowingitwouldbefromthesushiplaceGavinhadtakenmeto.

“Thanks.”

“Isthisfromthesamepersonwhogotyouallthoseflowers?”

“Whatdoyouthink?”

“Whatever.”Mattwalkedoutoftheoffice.

Isatdowntoenjoymylunch.Gavinevenrememberedtheseaweedsalad.Idecidedtotexthim

again.I’dthankyouforlunch,butitwasn’tyou,wasit?

Idon’tknow.Wasit?

Haveagreatday,Gavin.

Youtoo.Enjoythesushi.

Ineversaiditwassushi.

Luckyguess.

***

Wednesdaywasalongdayatwork.Ididn’tgethomeuntilclosetoseven,andIwasreadyto

collapse.Iwaspleasantlysurprisedtofindagiftbagrightoutsidethepoolhouse.Ibroughtitinside,

giddyasIsatdownatthetabletoopenit.AcontainerofGodivawhitechocolatehotcocoa,chocolate

chipbiscotti,andaDVDwaitedforme.IlookedattheDVDandbustedoutlaughing—itwasBull

Durham.Onceagain,ItextedGavin.

Nicemoviechoice.

Doesitmayberemindyouofsomeone?

Nope.Shouldit?

Notatall.Bytheway,thatbiscottiishardtofind.Ihadtogotofourdifferentstores.

Soyouadmitit’sfromyou?

Ifyoukeepasking,I’mgoingtoaccuseyouofactuallyhavingtheangryexyousworeyoudidn’t

have.

Thanksforthetreatandthemovie.

Enjoy!

***

IthoughtGavinwasallplayedoutuntilIheardanoiseoutsidemydooraroundeighto’clock

Thursdaynight.BythetimeIopenedthedoor,noonewasthere.IdidfindseasonfouroftheGilmore

Girls.ItwastheonlyseasonIdidn’thave.

GilmoreGirls?Youwerereallydigging,huh?

I’llevenwatchitwithyou,butIadmitI’dhavetowatchthefirstthreeseasonsfirst.

Idoubtit’syourkindofshow.

Butyou’remykindofgirl.

ThanksfortheDVDs.

Youcanthankmeinpersononourcoffeedatetomorrow.Marney’sat7:30.

Seeyouthen.

Goodnight,Becca.

Goodnight.

***

Fridaynight,Itriedtopushawaythenervesthatateawayatme.Itwasjustcoffee—nothingtoget

myselfbentoutofshapeover.IparkedmycarrightoutfrontofMarney’s,stilllovingthatIhaditback.

Molly’scarwasalotnicerthanmine,butIpreferredthecomfortandstyleofmyown.

Ishowedupearly,andasI’dhoped,Gailwastherealone.“Hey,hon,areyoufinallyreadyforthat

talk?”

“Idefinitelyam.”

Shesmiled.“Ithinkthiscallsforsomepie.What’syourfavoritekind?”

“Pecan.Definitelypecan.”

“Wantsomecoffeewiththat?”

“Thatwouldbegreat.”

Igrabbedourcoffees,andGailcarriedtwoplatesofpietoatableinthecorner.

“Sotellme,how’sthesummergoingforyou?

Ilovedthatshejumpedrightin.“It’sbeeninteresting.”

“Agoodinteresting?”

“Partly.”Itookabiteofthepie.Itmeltedinmymouth.“Wow,thisisgood.”

“It’sevenbetterwithsomevanillaicecream,butI’mout.”

“Thanksforthetip,butit’sperfectjustthewayitis.”

“What’smadethesummerinteresting?”Shetookabiteofherpeachpie.Itlookeddelicious,butit

couldn’thavebeenbetterthanthepecan.

“Mostlythepeople.”

“AnyoneIknow?”

“Don’tyouknoweveryoneintown?”

Shelaughed.“Yougotmethere.”

“Well,IonlyhavetwentyminutesbecauseIhaveanotherdate.”

“WithRonny?”

“No,Gavin.”

“Ohh.He’sabetterchoiceforyou.”Sheleanedforwardonherelbows.

“Youthink?”

“Definitely.He’snewaroundhere,buthe’sthegoodkind.”

“New?He’sbeenherethreeyears.”

“Honey,that’snew.”

“Whatdoesthatmakeme?”

“Practicallyjustborn.Buttellme,isthisyourfirstdatewithhim?”

“No.We’ve,uh,spentsometimetogetherinthepast,andwehadlunchlastweekend.”

“Timetogether?Youcanbehonestwithme,Becca.I’mguessingthatmeansyousleptwithhim.”

I’msureIturneddeepred.Gailhadtobeatleastseventy-five.“Yes.”

“Well,itcouldn’thavebeenthatbadifyoutwokeepseeingeachother.”

“No,itwasn’t.I’mjustscared,youknow?Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingoninhisheadatall.”

“Alittleadvice:you’llneverknowwhatamanisthinking.That’sthefunpart.”

“Thefunpart?What’sthebadpart?”

“Ifhe’stherightoneforyou,therewon’tbeanybadparts,justsomebumpsintheroad.”

“Bumpsintheroad.”Thatwasonewayofputtingit.

Thejangleofthebellannouncedthearrivalofcustomers.Gailexcusedherself,andIfinishedmy

pie.

IbroughtmyplatetothedishbinandhadjustsatbackdownwhenGavinwalkedin.

“Startingwithoutme?”

“Hey,sorry.Igothereearly.”

“It’sfine.I’mgoingtogetsomething.”

“Youdon’tneedtodothat.Hereyougo.”GailarrivedwithacupofcoffeeforGavin.“Yourdate’s

beenwaitinglongenough.”Shewinkedatmebeforewalkingaway.

“See,that’swhatIloveaboutthistown.”Gavintookasipofhiscoffee.

“Yeah,Gail’sprettyawesome.”

“Ididn’treallykeepyouwaiting,didI?IthoughtIwasearly.”

“Youare.Iwasjustevenearlier.”

“Datinganotherearlybirdmightbeprettynice.”

“Usingthatwordagain?”

“We’redating,Becca.Acceptit.”

Ilaughed.“Okay,Imightoneday.”Itookanothersipofcoffeeandthenlookedbackoverathim.

“There’ssomethingIwantedtotalktoyouabout.”

“Whatisit?”

“Ithinkweshouldforgetwhathappened—”

“What?Noway.Ithought—Imean,youseemed—”

Idecidedtoputhimoutofhismisery.“Forgetwhathappenedthatmorning.Ididn’tmeanwehadto

forgetwhathappenedthatnight.”Mywholebodygotwarmthinkingaboutthat.

“Oh.Yeah,Ilikethatidea.”

“Metoo.”Ismiled.

“Sotellme,howwasyourweek?”

“Myweek?Itwasgood,fullofsurprises.”

“Yeah?”Hestretchedouthislegsunderthetable,andtheybrushedagainstmine.

“Somereallygoodsurprises.”

“Good,youdeservegoodsurprises.”

Ismiled.“You’resweet.”

“Sweet?I’lltakethat.I’llalsoacceptthoughtfuloramazing.”

“What’dyouhavetobribeMollywithtogetalltheinsiderinformation?”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“Oh,youjusthappenedtoknowmytasteincocoaortheoneGilmoreGirlsseasonIwasmissing.”

“Okay,soImighthavehadsomehelp.”Hesmiledsheepishly.

“She’sagoodfriend.”

“Yeah,sheis.Shejustwantsyouhappy.”

“Iknow.AndIloveherforit.”

Wespentanotherhourtalkingbeforewedecidedtoheadout.IhadplanswithMollyIdidn’twant

tobreak.

“Iknowyou’rebusylatertonight,butwanttogettogethertomorrow?”

Ididn’tansweratfirst.

“I’mgoingtotakeyourlackofresponseasayes.”

“Hey,youcan’tdothat!”Iargued.

“Yes,Ican.Ifyoureallyhadaproblemwithit,youwouldhavetoldme.Iknowyouhaveno

troubletellingmewhatyou’rethinking.”Hegrinnedwickedly.“Bereadyatninetomorrowmorning.”

“Wherearewegoing?”

“It’sasurprise,butwearaswimsuit—preferablytheoneyouwerewearingwhenweplayed

volleyballtheotherday.”

“Ididn’tthinkyou’dnoticed.Youseemedmoreconcernedwithwinning.”

“OhInoticed.Idefinitelynoticed.Everyonenoticed,andIwasn’ttoohappyaboutit.”

“Let’smakeadeal.”

“Whatkindofdeal?”

“I’llgoifMollyandBencancometoo.Ireallyneedtospendmoretimewithher.”Icouldalready

seewherethingsmightbeheadingwithGavin.Spendingtimetogetherwasonething,lettinganything

happenagain,atleastanytimesoon,wasanotheraltogether.

“You’rehangingoutwithhertonight...”

“So?That’stonight.”

“Fine.Iacceptyourterms.”

WewereinfrontofmycarwhenIgotbraveagain.Ileanedintowardhimandwhispered.“So

wereyoubeingseriousaboutthedreams,Imeanabouthavingthem…?”

“Yeah,Iwasbeingserious.”Hepickedupmyhandandlacedhisfingerswithmine.“Wereyou?”

“Ihadone.”

“Soyou’restillclaimingitwasjustone?”

“Onereallygoodone.”

Ireachedforthedoorlatch,butIfelthishandonmyarm.“Beforeyougo,tellme,Becca.Didthe

realthingliveuptoyourdream?”

“Itsurpassedit.”IgotinthecarbeforeIcouldseehisreaction.Hereallywasbringingouta

differentsideofme.

ChapterNineteen

Becca

“Hey,Mol,youhome?”Afterknockingafewtimes,Itriedthedoorandwassurprisedtofindit

opened.

“I’muphere,”sheyelled.

Iwalkedinsidewithasinkingfeelinggrowinglargerbythesecond.Somethingwasgoingon—

somethingwaswrong.

Mollysatcrossleggedonthelightpinktiledfloorofthemasterbathroom.Shedidn’tlookup.

“Iseverythingokay?”Iasked.

“Idon’tknow.”

Isatdownnexttoher,finallyrealizingsheheldsomethinginherhand.

“IsthatwhatIthinkitis?”

“Yes.”SheheldoutthepieceofwhiteplasticsoIcouldseethetwopinklines.

“Wow,congratulations.Ididn’tknowyouguysweretryingtogetpregnant.”

“Weweren’t.”

Itookamomenttoformulatearesponse.Thiswasoneofthosesituationswhereyouhadtosaythe

rightthing.“Oh.Well,congratulationsanyway.”

“Ben’sgoingtofreakout.Istillcan’tfigureouthowtotellhim.”

“Didyoujustfindout?”

“No.Thisismythirdtest.”Shepulledouttwomoresticksfromunderthesink.

“Seriously?Youdidn’ttrustthefirsttwo?”

Sheshrugged.“IwantedtobesurebeforeItoldBen.”

“I’msurehe’llbehappy.”

“Whatifhe’snot?”

“Whywouldn’thebe?Youguysaremarried,andhehasagoodjob.What’stheproblem?”

“I’mnotready.Whatifhe’snoteither?”

“Whatdoyoumeanyouaren’tready?”

“Ihaven’tevensettledonacareeryet.It’stoosoon.”

“Thenhow’dithappen?”Itriedtokeepthebitternessoutofmyvoice,butthiswasareally

sensitivesubjectforme.

“Iforgotafewpillslastmonth.”

“Aren’tyoutheonewhohasanalarmsetonyourphonetoremindyoutotakethem?”Iusedtomake

funofMollyaboutitincollege.Everytime,she’dgooffonatiradeaboutbeingresponsible.Ididn’t

needanalarm.Itookmypillatthesametimeeverydayjustincase.

“Notanymore.IturnedoffthealarmafterAdamdied,whenitwasn’tsuchabigdeal.Inever

worriedasmuchwithBen,Iguess.”

“Maybeitwasyoursubconsciouswayofgettingwhatyoureallywanted—ababy.”

“Pleasedon’tgoallpsychologymumbojumboonme.”

Ilaughed.Thishadnothingtodowithmypsychologymajorincollege.“I’mjustsayingit’s

possible.”

“AtleastIhaven’treallybeendrinking.I’vehadmaybeonebeerthismonth.”

“That’sagoodthing.”Itouchedherhandtogetherattention.“Thisisagoodthing.”

“Ihopeyou’reright.DoyoureallythinkBenwillbehappy?”

“Idon’tknowBenthatwell,butmybetishewillbe.He’ssoinlovewithyou.Whywouldn’the

loveknowingyou’rehavinghisbaby?”

“Ihopeso.Ijusthavetodecidewhentotellhim.”

“Tonight.Whywait?I’lldomyownthing,giveyousometime.”

“No.That’ssilly.Wehaveplans.”

“Yeah,buttellingBenthisnewsisimportant.”

“Iknow.Butwhatareyougoingtodo?”

“InoticedaRedboxatthegasstation.I’llpickamovieup.”

“Areyousure?”

“Positive.”

Iheardthesoundofacarpullingintothedriveway.“I’mgoingtoletyoutalktohim.Tellmehowit

goes.”

“Iwill.”

Igaveherahugbeforewalkingbackdownstairs.IranintoBenonmywayout.

“Heythere,whereareyougoing?Aren’tyougirlshangingouttonight?”

“Uh,Ithinkyouguyshaveplansnow.”Ismiled,andhegavemeaperplexedlook.

“Haveagoodnight!”IcalledasIheadedtomycar.Itwassonicetohaveitback.

***

TheRedboxwaspracticallyemptywhenIgotthere,butthatwasn’tsurprisingonaFridaynight.

Aftergivinguponfindinganewrelease,Istartedscanningtheoldermovies.Ieventuallysettledona

DenzelWashingtonactionflickIhadn’tseeninawhile.Itwasn’tmyfavoritemovie,butitwould

entertainmeenough.

Islidinmycreditcardandwaitedforthemachinetoprocesstherental.Itwastakinglongerthan

usualandmakingafunnyhummingnoise,soIstartedlosinghope.Justthen,Iheardvoicescomingoutof

theconveniencestore,andIdefinitelyrecognizedthemboth.Ithoughtaboutduckingoutofsight,butmy

moviewasjustabouttopopout,andIcouldn’tjustleaveit.FirstofallIwantedit,andbesides,I’dend

uphavingtopayforthedarnthingifitwasn’treturned.

“Becca?”Ipulledoutthemovieandreluctantlyturned.

“Hey.”IwavedtobothGavinandRonny.Theywereeachcarryingasixpackofbeer.

“Didyougetmymessage?”RonnyaskedjustasGavinjumpedinwithhisownquestion.

“Weren’tyousupposedtobehangingoutwithMollytonight?”

IdecidedtotackleGavin’squestionfirst.Itwasthelessawkwardone.“Yeah,shehadsomestuffto

do.”

“Stuff?”Hegavemeanamusedsmile.

“Uhyeah,girlstuff.”

“Okay…”

“So,aboutthisweekend,wouldyoumaybewanttocatchamovieorsomethingtomorrow?”Ronny

askedhopefully.I’dtotallyforgottenabouthismessage.He’dsurprisedmebycallingatall.I’dhoped

whenIshuthimdowntheothernightthatitwouldhavebeentheendofthestory.

IglancedoveratGavin,wonderingiftherewasanychancehecouldhelp.

“Becca’snotgoingtoamoviewithyou.”

“Whynot?”Ronnylookedathim,ignoringmecompletely.

“Becausewe’reseeingeachother.”

“Sincewhen?”

“It’sbeenafewweeks.”Gavinwinkedatme.

“Afewweeks?Thatcouldn’thavebeenlongafterwewentout…”Ronnyfinallyturnedtolookat

me.

“I’msorry.Ishouldhavecalledyouback.”Itriedtosmile.

“No,Igetit.It’scool.”

Wow,thiswasawkward.“Soniceseeingyouboth,butI’mgoingtogetgoing.”

“Notsofast.”Gavintookasteptotheside,blockingmyescaperoute.

“What?”

“Whatmovieisthat?”Hepulledthediscfrommyhand,maneuveringitsohecouldseethetitle.

“You’reintoactionmovies?Youreallyareoneofakind,huh?”

“Notreally.IjustlikeDenzel.”

Gavinshookhishead.“Whateveryousay.Soyou’rejustgoinghometowatchit?”

Iwasn’tsurewhatthefiftyquestionswereabout.Maybehewasstilltryingtoputonashowfor

Ronny.

“Uhhuh,whatareyouguysupto?”Idecidedtoatleasttrytoplaypolite.

“PokeratMatt’s.”

“AtMatt’s?HiswifeisnicerthanI’dbe.”Justhearinghisnamemademecringealittle.

“He’sgotanicebasement,”Ronnyexplained.

“Cool,okay,havefun.”

“Youcanjoinusifyouwant.”

“Oh,uh,nothanks.”

“Soyou’renotintopoker?”

“Notwithabunchofdrunkguys.Nope.”

Theybothlaughed.

“Matt’saroundtheblockfromyou,somaybeI’llstopbywhenIleave.I’llcallyou.”Gavin

squeezedmyhand.

“Okay…”Iwonderedonceagainwhosebenefitthedisplaywasfor.“Seeya.”

GavinpulledmebackbeforeIcouldstepoffthecurbandkissedmelightlyonthelips.“I’llseeyou

later.”

“Goodnight,”Isaid,stillaffectedbythekiss.Iwonderedifheactuallyplannedtostopby,andI

wasn’texactlysurehowIfeltaboutit.

***

Jakedidn’tevenbothertoknockthistime,hejustusedhiskey.“It’sjustme,sodon’tgetup.”

IlookedawayfromtheTVandcurledmyblanketcloseraroundme.Iwaswearingafairlyskimpy

setofcamiandshortspajamasanddefinitelywasn’texpectingcompanywithoutacallfirst.

“Youarenotleavinguntilyougivemeyourkey.Thatisnotcool.”

“Ithoughtyou’dbegladtoseeme.”Hesmiledashesaunteredoverandsatnexttomeonthecouch.

“What’swiththeblanket?It’shotout.”

“Ilikesnuggling.”

Hesmiled.“Icanhelpyouwiththatifyouwant.”

“Astemptingasthatofferis,IthinkI’mgoingtopass.”

“Allright,justsaying…”Heputhisfeetupontheottomanandputanarmbehindme.

“Makeyourselfrightathome,whydon’tyou?”

“Iusedtolivehere,youknow.”

Irolledmyeyes,butI’msurehedidn’tnotice.“Usedto,meaningpasttense.”

“ButIlikeitherebetterthanmyplace.”

“Takeitupwithyourparentsandnotme.”

“Oh,butI’drathertakeitupwithyou.”Hegrabbedmybagofpopcornandshovedahandfulinto

hismouth.

Ishookmyhead.“Youaresoannoying.”

“Youaresobeautiful.”

“Ok,whatdoyouwant?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”heaskedasifhewasactuallyinsulted.

“Youobviouslywantsomething,whatisit?”

“You.”

“Getserious.”

Heleanedintowardme,andifhisbehaviordidn’tmakeitobvious,hisbreathdid.Hewasdrunk.

“Ihopeyoudidn’tdrivehome.”

“I’mnotdrunk.AndIambeingserious.Iwantyou.”

“Jake.”

“Becca.Justhearmeout.ThewayIseeit,we’rebeingreallydumbhere.We’retotallyperfectfor

eachother.Whystayjustfriends?”

“Becausewe’renotattractedtoeachother.”

“You’renoteventheslightestbitattractedtome?”

Ishookmyhead.

“Youreallydon’tfindmeattractive?”

Itriednottolaugh.Helookedcrestfallen.“IsaidIwasn’tattractedtoyou,notthatyou’renot

attractive.”

“Howisthatdifferent?”

“Youwanttosleepwitheverygirlyouthinkispretty?”

“Well,Ihappentothinkyou’remorethanpretty.”

“Wealreadyestablishedthat.”Itriedscootoutfromunderhisarm,buthejustmovedcloser.

“Let’sfindout.”

“Findoutwhat?”

“Whatwe’reliketogether.”Theheatedlookinhiseyesletmeknowexactlywhathewas

suggesting.

“Okay,timetoleave.”Iusedmylefthandtoremovehisarmandgotoffthecouch.Intheprocess,I

losttheblanket.

Hiseyeswidened.“Nice,verynice.”

“Jake,I’mserious.Getoutofhere.”

“You’retheonewhosaidIwasdrunk.Doyoureallywantmedrivinghome?”

“Yourparents’houseisrightoutthatdoor.Gosleepthere.”Hewasseriouslygettingonmynerves.

“Iknowwhattheproblemis.”

“What’sthat?”Ireplacedtheblanket.

“YouthinkI’mjustsayingthesethingsbecauseI’mdrunk.”

“Iknowthat’swhyyou’redoingit.”

“Don’tyouknowthatalcoholmakespeoplehonest?”

“Yeah,anditalsomakespeoplestupid.InwhatinsaneuniversewouldIsleepwithyou?”

“YousleptwithGavin.”

Thatwasthelaststraw.Iwasangry.“Areyoukiddingme?”

“Whoa,Becca.Ididn’tmeanitthatway.Ijustmeant,whyhimandnotme?”

“Iwasdrunkandhadalapseofjudgment.”

“Youreallythinkthat’sallitwas?”

“Yes.No.Idon’tknow.Ilikehim,Jake.Okay?Ilikehim.Imightevenconsiderdoingitagain

sometime.There,seeyouaren’ttheonlycrazyone.I’mintoGavin.”Wow,sayingitaloudactuallyfelt

good.

IlookeddownatJakeandrealizedhe’dfallenasleep.“Great.”

Ipokedathim,tryingtowakehimup.Itwasastudio,andtherewasnowayIwassleepinginthe

sameroomwithhim,evenifhewaspassedout.Notafterthatdisplay.Besides,whatwouldthatlooklike

inthemorningwhenGavincametopickmeup?

Icouldn’tmovehimmyself,andIfiguredtellinghisparentsonhimwasalowblow.Icouldn’tcall

Ben,notwiththenewsMollyhaddelivered.TheonlyonetocallwasGavin—atleastthat’showI

rationalizedit.Igotupthenerveanddialedhisnumber.

“Becca,hey,”hisdeepvoiceanswered.Iheardtalkinginthebackground,andthenitgotquieter,so

hewasprobablywalkingoutoftheroom.“I’mgladyoucalled.”

Igotrighttothepoint.“Ikindofneedafavor.”

“Sure.Whatkindoffavor?”

“It’saremoval.”

“Removalofapersonorathing?”

“Person.”

“Isthisapersonalorprofessionalremoval?”

Ihadn’teventhoughtaboutGavinbeingacop.Oops.“Personal,definitelypersonal.”

“Areyouathome?”Hisvoicewastense.

“Yeah.”

“Who’satyourplacethatyouneedremoved?”

“Jake.”

“DoIevenwanttoask?”

“Hecameoverherereallydrunkandpassedout…”

Gavinlaughed,butitsoundedforced.“Okay,I’llberightthere.”

“Thanks.”

“Notaproblem.Seeyousoon.”

Ihungupandwentintothebathroomtochange.Icouldn’tdenyalittlebitofexcitementatseeing

Gavinagain.

ChapterTwenty

Gavin

IlovedmakingBeccablush.IhadafeelingI’dnevergettiredofit.Forsuchaconfidentgirl,she

sureembarrassedeasily.Iwasstillhavingtroublewrappingmyheadaroundtheideathatshe’dgivenme

hervirginity.Sure,shewasdrunk,butshehadtohavebeendrunkwithguysbefore.Whateverthereason,

Ilikedit.IlikedknowingIwastheonlyonewho’deverhadher.ThemoreIgottoknowher,themore

determinedIwastokeepitthatway.

RunningintoBeccaattheconveniencestorehadbeenasurprise,butthebiggersurprisewasmy

reaction.Iprobablywouldhavedoneanythinginthatmomenttokeeptalkingtoher.Ihadbeenrightfrom

thebeginning:onetastewasdefinitelynotenough.IwasstillthinkingaboutherhourslaterwhenI’djust

foldedmythirdhandinarow.Forsomereason,thecardswerenothappeningforme.

“Sodidthecardothetrick?”Gregasked.

“Yeah,itworked.”

“Thenwhatthehellareyoudoinghere?”

Ilaughed.“We’vegotplanstomorrow.”

“AreyoutalkingaboutBecca?”Ronnyasked.

“Yup.”

“You’resuchanass.”

“What?Youhadyourchance.”

Thatgoteveryone’sattention.

“Yeah,Itookheroutforcoffee.Godknowswhatkindofdateyougothertoagreeto.”

Ishruggedanddecidedtokeepthedetailstomyself.

Myphonerang,andIwaspleasantlysurprisedtofindBeccaontheotherendoftheline.Ididn’t

likediscoveringthatJakewasatherplace,butIdidlikethatshe’dcalledformyhelp.Ireallylikedthat.

“I’vegottogo,”Iannouncedafterwehungup.

“You’regoingtoseeBecca,aren’tyou?”Ronnyasked.

“Yeah,”Isaidveryawarethatthey’dallbedrawingadifferentconclusion.Icaredabouther

reputation,butIcaredmoreaboutspreadingthewordthatshewasunavailable.

“Don’tfuckupthistime.”Tomtookaswigofbeer.

“Iwon’t.”

“Thistime?”Ronnyasked.IshotTomalooktokeephimquiet.Henodded.Iwasgood.

IheadedoutandwasoveratBecca’sintwominutes.

“Thanksforcoming.”Shesmiledatmewhensheopenedthedoor.Ofcourse,thatwasonlyafterI

toldheritwasme.Lifeinabigcityhadseriouslymessedwithhersenseofsafety.IwishedIcould

changethat.

“Ofcourse.So,haveyoutriedtowakehimup?”

“Idid,buthejustfellbackasleep.”

“Doyouwanttotryagain,orshouldI?”

“I’mguessingyourmethodislesskindthanmine,butthenagain,hisbehaviorwarrantsit.”

“Hisbehavior?”

Myquestionwaslostwhenshebentdowntowherehesnoredonthecouch.“Jake,Jake,it’stimeto

wakeup.”Sheshookhim.

Heopenedhiseyes,mumbled“comehere,Becca,”andproceededtotrytopullherontohislap.I

saytrybecausehedidn’tgetfar.

“Okay,yourmethod.”Shetookafewstepsbacktoletmein.

Ishookhimharder.“Jake,wakethehellup.I’mnotcarryingyouhome.”

“Whatever.”

Damn,thiswashard.IassumedBeccawantedhimoutbecauseshedidn’twanttosleepinthesame

roomwithhim,whichIagreedwithwholeheartedly,evenifhewaspassedout.

“I’mguessingyoucalledmebecauseyoudon’tfeelcomfortablewithhimhere.”Iwasforminga

plan,andIneededtoknowwhereshestood.

“It’sreallynotabigdeal.ThebiggestworryIhadisn’tanissueanymoreanyway…”Shetrailed

off.

“Whatissuewasthat?”

“Whatyou’dthinkwhenyoucametopickmeupandfoundhimhere.”

Shecaredaboutmyopinionofher.Thatwasgood.Verygood.

“Iwouldn’thavejumpedtoconclusions.”Thatwasacompletelie,buttherewasnoreasontoadmit

whatmyrealreactionwouldhavebeen.

“Butyouwouldhavecared,right?”Shebitherlip.Thisnervoushabitofherswasdangerous.Itjust

mademewanttokissher.

“Yes,Iwouldhavecared.Idon’tlikethathe’shereatall.I’mgladyoucalled.”

Sheseemedpleasedwithmyresponse.

Iwasreadytosuggestshecomehomewithme—thatwould’vesolvedallofourproblems—when

shethrewawrenchinthatplan.

“ButIstilldon’twanthisparentsseeinghimleavetomorrow.They’dprobablythrowmeoutifthey

thoughtIwassleepingwiththeirson.”

Ihadtolaugh.“WhatwouldtheMathewscareifyouandJakewereinvolved?Theproblemisthat

they’dneverletyouleave.”

“Well,I’drathernotdealwiththeissueatall.Doyouthinkyoucanhelp?”

“Yeah,canIgetaglassofwater?”

Shesmiled,figuringoutwhereIwasgoing.“Holdon.”

Shereturnedwithalargeglass.Ipouredthewateroverhishead,regretfulthatIhadgottenher

couchalittlewet.“Wakeup.”

Itdidthetrick.“Whatthehell?”

“Getup.You’regoinghome.”

“Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?Oh,butatleastyou’renotinuniformthistime.ThatmeansI’m

notactuallyintrouble.”

“Thistime?”Beccaasked.“Thishashappenedbefore?”

“Longstory,Becca.”

“Allright.So,Gavinisgoingtotakeyouhome.Ihopeyouaren’ttoohungovertomorrow.”

“Shemeantwe’retakingyouhome.”

“Idid?”

“IsaidI’dhelp,notthatI’ddoit.”Ismiledather.Clearly,IwasmorethancapableofgettingJake

home,butIdefinitelywasn’treadytosaygoodnighttoBeccayet.

“Fine.Allright,let’sgo,Jake.”

Thankfully,hesoberedupenoughthathecouldwalkonhisown,buttherewasnowayhecould

drive.Ihelpedhimintothebackseat,andweheadedovertohishouse.

IunceremoniouslydumpedhimoutonhisbedwhileBeccalookedonwithaslightsmile.“You

couldhavebeenalittlegentler.”

“Andhecouldhavedrunkalittleless.”IsoundedmorejudgmentalthanImeantto.Really,Ididn’t

care,butIstilldidn’tknowwhathadgonedownbeforeshecalledme.

Wewalkedouttothecar,andthistimeImovedfastenoughtogetherdoor.Istayedtherewhileshe

buckledanddecidedtogetmyquestionanswered.“WhatdidyoumeanwhenyoumentionedJake’s

earlierbehavior?”

“Oh,don’tworryaboutit.”Shelookedaway.

“ButIamworryingaboutit.”

“It’snotabigdeal.”

“Ifitweren’tabigdeal,you’dtellmeandyou’dlookatme.”

Sheturnedtowardme.“Hewasjustmakingdrunkensuggestions.”

“Whatexactlyisadrunkensuggestion?”Ihadaprettygoodidea,butIwantedtohearitfromher.

“Heuh,suggestedweseeifwe‘worked.’”Shemadequoteswithherhands.

“Sonofabitch.”

“Hewasdrunk,andhedidn’tpushit.”

“Butitstillupsetyou.”Itwasplainonherface.

“Yeah.”

Iclosedherdoorandwalkedaroundandgotin.“Areyoutired,ordoyouwanttohangout?”

“It’sgottobeaftereleven,what’stheretodoatthishour?”

“Idon’tknow.Wanttojustcomeover?”

“Comeover?Toyourplace?”

“Uhhuh.”

Icouldtellshewasmullingitover.Ididn’tsayanything,givinghertimetodecide.Thefactthatshe

wasevenconsideringitwasgood.Man,hadIimaginedthatmorningthatI’dactuallybeinvitingherover

againthatnight,I’dneverhavebelievedit.

Shebitherlipagain.Imadehernervousalot.“Yes.”Shenoddedasifmakingamonumental

decision.

“Allright,good.”IstartedthecarandpulledoutofthedrivewayofJake’srental.AssoonasIwas

backontheroad,Ireachedoverandpickedupherhand.Itwascolddespitethewarmevening.“Doyou

thinkMaxwillbehappytoseeme?”Shebrokethesilence.Ofallthethingstoaskabout,she’dbrought

upmydog.

“Yeah,he’safanofyou,allright.”

“I’veneverhadadog,butIthinkImightgetonewhenIhavemoretime.”

“Wealwayshadatleasttwogrowingup,butMaxisthefirstdogthat’sactuallymine,youknow?”

“Yeah,Ibetitfeelsdifferent.”

Ipulledintomydrivewayandgotout,gladtoseethatBeccawaitedlongenoughformetohelpher

out.NotonlydidIlikedoingit,butIlikedhavingtheexcusetoholdherclose.Thefittedt-shirtshewore

andthosetightjeansdidanumberonme.

Wewalkedupthesteps,andIrememberedthelasttimewe’dclimbedthemtogether.I’dmakesure

wehadadifferentendingthistime.

“IneedtotakeMaxout.You’rewelcometocome,oryoucanwaitinside.”

Iwantedhertocome.Ithoughtaboutofferingheradrink,butafterlasttime,Iwantedthenighttobe

alcoholfree.Iwasn’tsureifitwouldbeawkwardjustsittingthere.

“I’llcome.”Iwonderedifshewasthinkingthesamething.

Maxwaitedbythedoor,soIputonhisleash,andwewalkedtowardthebeach.

“Isn’tthebeachclosedthislate?”

“Sure,butwho’stostopus?”

“Idon’tknow.Noone,Iguess.”

“Exactly.”ImovedtoherrightsidesoIcouldholdherhandwithmyfreeone.

“It’sbeautifultonight.”Shelookedupatthesky.

“Definitelyis.There’snothinglikeafullmoonovertheocean.”

“Italmostfeelsmagical.”

Shelookedsohappywithachildlikeexpressionofwonderonherface.Iwantedtomakeherfeel

thatwayallthetime.

“Itdoesn’thavetobealmost.”

Ituggedonherhandtopullhercloserandclaimedherlips.Sheresponded,armswrappingaround

myneck,andmouthopeninguptome.ItookfulladvantageanddroppedMax’sleashsomyhandscould

dowhatthey’dwantedtodoallnight.Islippedahandunderhert-shirtandbra,lovingthesmallgroanit

elicited.Shewassosensitivetomysmallesttouch,andIdidn’twantthemtobesmallanymore.

Iforcedmyselftobreakthekiss“Readytogohome?”

“Yes,”shesaidbreathlessly.

Maxwaitedobediently,soIwhiskedushomeasfastaspossible,gladwehadn’tmadeittoofar

downthebeach.

She’djustclosedthedoorbehindherwhenIknewIhadtohaveher.Ipushedherbackagainstthe

doorandleanedin.Iletmyhandsandlipswander,pullingoffmyshirtandthenhers,lovingwhatwaited

formeonceI’dunclaspedherbra.

“You’renotgoingtotellmetoforget,areyou?”Shelookedawayfromme.

Ilookedrightintohereyes.“No.I’mgoingtomakesureyouneverforget.”Isawhersmallnodand

returnedtoheramazingbody,slidingdownherjeanswhilesheundidmybeltandpants.Isteppedoutof

them,kickingthemtotheside.

Irakedmyeyesoverher.Sheworenothingbutapairoflacyblackpanties.Iwonderedifshe’d

wornthemespeciallyforme.Asgoodastheylooked,theywereinmyway.Itookthemoff,andletmy

handsandlipscontinuetowander,shockedwhenshegrabbedme,makingquickworkofmyboxers.Her

touchwashesitantatfirstbutthengrewmoreconfident.

Ihadfullyplannedtotakehertomybed,butwenevermadeitthatfar.Ipickedherupandplaced

heronthekitchentable.Itwasasfarasweweregoingtoget.Ineededher,andfromthelookinhereyes,

sheneededme.Thefirsttimehadbeenincredible,butwithouttheeffectsofalcohol,itwasevenbetter.

***

I’dforgottentoclosetheblindswhenwefinallywenttobedaroundtwoa.m.Iusuallylikedwaking

uptothesunrise,butIdidn’tknowifBeccawouldappreciateitafterthelongnightwe’dshared.

Shestirred,likelyfeelingthelightpouringin.Shepickedherheadupfromwhereitlayonmy

chest,herarmslungacrossme.Shemovedaroundalittle,gettingafewstrandsofherhairinmyface.

“Mmm,I’msorry.Ishouldpullitup.”

“No.Don’t.”

“Okay.”Shegotthismischievouslookinhereye,andIhopeditmeantwhatIthoughtitmeant.

Sheclimbedontopofme,holdingherheadbackforamoment,probablytofeelthesun.Theeffect

hadtobethemostbeautifulthingI’deverseen—thecolorsofthesunrisespillinginthewindowandonto

hernakedbody—herperfect,nakedbody.Inthatmoment,IknewtherewasnowayIwaseverletting

Beccago.

ChapterTwenty-One

Becca

WakingupwithGavinwascompletelydifferentthesecondtime.Forstarters,itwasn’tjustonce.

Wewereupatdawnwhenthegorgeoussunrisespilleditsraysintotheroom.Weeventuallyfellbackto

sleepafterandwokeuparoundnine.

“Goodmorningagain,”hemurmuredintomyhair.Wewerecompletelytangleduptogetherinjust

thesheet.We’dkickedoffhiscomfortersometimeduringthenight.

“Goodmorning.”ItiltedmyheadsoIcouldlookathim.Abrightsmileonhisfaceletmeknow

he’denjoyedthenightandmorningasmuchasIhad.

Hesmoothedoutmyhairandkissedmeontheforehead.“So,what’stheverdict?”

“Theverdict?”

“Yeah?Isn’tthatlawyer-speakforyourdecision?”

Ilaughed.“WhatdecisionwasIsupposedtobemakingagain?”

“Willyoueverforgetlastnight?”

“No,IthinkI’llremembereverymoment.”Iranahanddownhischest,stillmarvelingathow

comfortableandconfidentIfeltwithhim.

“Ithoughtthatfirstnightwasthebest,butthissurpassedit.”Hekissedmylipslightly.“Itwas

amazing.”

“Mmm,”Imumbledashislipsleftmineandmovedtomyneck.

“Youareamazing.”

“Gavin?”

“Yes?”

“Beforeyou,uh,startanything,Ineedtogo.”

“What?Youcan’tgo.”Hesatuponanelbow,faceinastateofpanic.

“Oh,no,notleave.ImeanIneedtogo.”Ipointedtothebathroomdoor.

Herelaxed.“Oh,okay,youcandothat.”

“Ineedyourpermissiontousethebathroomnow?”

“Notallthetime,justwhenyou’renakedinmybed.I’mkindofpickyaboutwhenyougettoleave

then.”Hetriedtokeepastraightface,butbeforelong,aplayfulsmilebrokethrough.

Eventhoughhe’dobviouslyseenmenakedplenty,Ifeltfunnygettingoutofbedwithhimlooking.

“Couldyouturnaway?”

“Areyouserious?”

“Yes.”

“Noway.You’renotallowedtofeelself-consciousinfrontofme.Iloveyourbody,andIdon’t

everwantyoutryingtohideitfromme.”

Gavinseemedlikesuchacontradiction.Sometimes,hewasarealgentleman,othershewasreally

aggressiveanddetermined.Ididn’tmindit.Ilikedthecombination.Ifoundbothsidesofhimattractivein

theirownways.

“Youdon’tfeelself-consciouswalkingaroundnakedinfrontofme?”IfiguredI’dmakehimputhis

moneywherehismouthwas.

“Notatall.”

“Isthatso?”

Insteadofanswering,hepulledbackthesheetandgotup.Icouldn’thelpstaring—therewasalotto

stareat.

“Yourturn,”hesaidwithanamusedexpression.

Myhandswenttothescars,butItookadeepbreathandpulledoffmysideofthesheet.“There,I

didit.”

I’dbarelystoodupbeforehehadhisarmsaroundme.“Thatwasn’tsohard,wasit?”

“Nope.”

“Good.”Hislipsmovedtomyneckagain,soIshookhimoff.

“I’mgoingtothebathroom,remember?”

Ididn’tgivehimachancetorespond.Islippedinsidehisbathroomandclosedthedoorbehindme.

Ifinishedquicklyandcamebackouttofindhimrecliningonthebed,fullyexposed.

“You’rereallycomfortableinyourownskin,aren’tyou?”IwishedIcouldhaveevenhalfofthat

confidence.

“DoIhaveanyreasonnottobe?”

“Ofcoursenot,”Isaidquickly.

“Thencomejoinme.”

Iwalkedoverandcurledupwithhimagain,pullingthesheetbackoverusbecauseIfeltmore

comfortablethatway.“Don’tsayanything.”

“Iwon’t.”

“Thatbathroomissocompletelywastedonyou,it’sridiculous.”

Hechuckled.“Whyexactlyisitwasted?”

“Nomanlivingaloneneedsasoakingtub,ashowertodiefor,andadoublevanity.Imean,come

on.”

“Wellyou’rewelcometocomeoveranduseitwheneveryouwant,butjustknowyou’regoingto

havecompany.”

“Veryfunny.Butseriously,IthinkI’minlovewithyourplace.It’saloft,youhaveanamazing

bathroom,incredibleviewsoftheocean—isthereanythingbetter?”

“I’mgladyoulikeithere.Ihopeyou’lldecidetospendalotofyourtimehere,andImeanalot.”

“Imightbepersuadedtospendanothernightortwo.”

“Anightortwo?Ifthat’swhatyou’resaying,Ihaven’tdonemyjob.”

Hepulledoffthesheet,positioninghimselfoverme.

“Youcan’tbeserious.”

“OfcourseIam.”Hegrinned.“Wehavelosttimetomakeupfor.”Hislipsreturnedtomyneck.

Theyseemedtoalwaysfindtheirwaythere.

IhaddifficultyfindingthewordsIneeded.“Losttime?We’veonlyknowneachotherafewweeks.”

“Thatmeanswehaveweekstomakeupfor.”

“Whataboutbreakfast?I’mprettyhungry.”

Helaughed.“I’lltakeyoutobreakfast.Ipromise.”

***

Gavinwastruetohisword.WeheadedhandinhandtobreakfastatSurfSong.Wewereseatedata

tablerightbytheopenwindows,givingusagreatviewofthewater.Thebeachwascrowded.Afew

volleyballnetswerestrungup,andagroupofgirlswerealreadylyingoutfortheday.Thesurfwascalm,

andIwatchedasseveralkidsranoutintothewater.

“Well,hellothere.”KellyapproachedourtablewithTomrightbehindher.

“Hey,man.”GavingreetedTomwithagrin.

“Outforabreakfastdate,huh?”Tompulledoutthetable’stworemainingchairs.

“Moreofacontinuationofadatethatstartedlastnight.”Gavinfoundmyhandandsqueezedit

underthetable.Hadhereallyjustsaidthat?

Asifhe’dreadmymind,heleanedoverandwhisperedinmyear.“Justsowehaveitstraight,we

definitelywillnotbekeepingthisbetweenthetwoofus.”

IsmiledandmetKelly’swideeyes.“Nice,”shemouthed.

“Iguessit’salittlelatetoask,butmindifwejoinyou?”Tomsignaledforthewaiter.

“No,beourguests.”

“Whatareyouguysuptotoday?”Kellyperusedthemenu.IalreadyknewIwantedthestrawberry

Frenchtoastagain.Iwasstarving.

“Ithoughtwe’dtaketheboatout,”Gavinansweredforus.

“Cool.It’sanicedayforthat.”Tompickeduphismenu.

“Tom,ifyouguyswanttocome,it’sfine.I’msureBeccawon’tmind.You’llkeepmewell-

behaved.”

WherewasthissideofGavincomingfrom?ItwaslikewhenhetoldRonnyweweretogether,but

worse.Wasthatreallyjustthenightbefore?Somuchhadhappenedinlessthantwenty-fourhours.

“Noway.Wearenotcrashingyourdate.Wealreadycrashedbreakfast.Besides,we’llseeyouat

MollyandBen’stonight,right?”Kellyasked.

“Ohyeah,Ialmostforgotaboutthat.”Itookasipofwater,hopingthewaitresswouldbeoversoon

totakeourorders.

“Aretheyhavingsomethingtonight?”

“Yeah,Ben’sbarbequing.”

“Idon’trecallgettinganinvitationtothisshindig,butI’mguessingBecca’sunofficiallycamewith

aplusone.”

“Shindig?”Ilaughed.

Hesmiled.“Yeah,youhaveaproblemwithmychoiceofwords?”

“God,no.Ifyouareassensitiveaboutthatasyouareaboutyouraccent,I’mintrouble.”

“Idon’thaveanaccent.”

Igroaned.“Pleaseno.”TherewasnowayIwasgoingdownthatroadagain.

***

I’dneverbeenoneforboats.It’snotthatIdidn’tlikethem;itwasmoreofatrustissue.Foragirl

wholovedswimming,itprobablydidn’tmakemuchsense,butIhatedtheideaofbeingoutonthewater.

WhenItriedtoexplainittoGavin,he’dlaughed.Itwasn’tameanlaugh,butheprettymuchtoldmeIwas

crazy.

“Ipromise,we’llbeperfectlysafe.”

“Yeah,thatdoesn’treallychangeanything.”

“Mypromisedoesn’tmeananything?”Hesoundedslightlyoffended.Wewerehavingthis

conversationthroughthepartiallycloseddoorofmybathroom.Istillfeltweirdchangingintoaswimsuit

withhimwatching.

“It’snotaboutyourpromise.It’sabouttheboat.”Iwalkedoutofthebathroom,enjoyingthe

expressiononGavin’sface.

He’daskedmetoweartheredbikiniagain,butIfiguredhe’dliketheyellowonejustasmuch.

“Didyouhearme?”Iteased.Hiseyesstillhadn’tmovedbackuptomyface.

“You’rereallyrefusingtocomeoutontheboat?”

“No.Ididn’tsayIwouldn’tgo,justthatIwasnervousaboutit.”

“Oh.”Hesmiled.“That’sdifferent.”

“Idon’tusuallyletmyfearsgetinthewayofliving.”Iwantedthestatementtobetrue,eventhough

itusuallywasn’t.

“Areyouready?”

Islippedonawhitecottoncoverupdressandsomeflipflops.“Sure,let’sdothis.”

Helaughed.“Don’tmakeitsoundlikeI’mtakingyoutoyourexecution.”

“Forallyouknow,youare.”

Hetookmyhand,pullingmeagainsthim.“I’mnot.”

“Youpromise?”

“Uhhuh.”Hisvoicewashuskyashislipsbrushedagainstmyneck.“Butwecanstayhereifyou

reallywant.”

“Twominutesago,youwerepushingmeoutthedoor.”

“Thatwasbeforeyoucameoutwearingthatbikini.”Hislipsbarelyleftmyskin,andhestartedto

slipahandundermycoverup.

Ipushedhishandaway.Hegroaned.

“We’releaving.”TherewasnowaywewerehookingupintheMathews’spoolhouse.Besides,I’d

finallygearedmyselfupfortheboatride.Iwasn’tbackingout.

Hereluctantlymovedawayalittle.“You’renofun.”

“That’snotwhatyousaidafewhoursago.”

“Youwerefunafewhoursago…”

“Ifyoukeepthisup,I’mgoingtothinkyou’reonlyusingmeforsex.”

Hestraightenedupandpracticallytowedmefromthehouse.“That’sridiculous.Don’teverthink

that.”Icouldfeeltensioninhim.

Herushedusouttohiscarandhelpedmein.“Gavin?”

“Yeah?”Hepulledawayfromthecurbandheadedtowardthedockwherehekepthisboat.

“Iwasonlyjokingbackthere.”

“Areyousure?Ihopeso.Ican’thelpthewayIamaroundyou,butIwantyouforalotmorethan

that.”

“I’lltakeyourwordforit.”

Heputahandonmyleg.“Pleasedo.”

Weparkedatthemarina,andheledmeovertoasmallwhiteboat.Asweboarded,Itriedto

swallowmynerves.Hesqueezedmyhandreassuringly.“You’regoingtobefine.”

Itookaseat,holdingonasGavinstartedupthemotor.

Iclosedmyeyesashegotreadytosteerusoutofthemarina.“Icandothis.”

Helaughed.“Youcanopenyoureyes.Iswearit’sokay.”

Weskimmedquicklyoverthegentleswells,andthebreezeoffthewaterfeltgreatwiththemid-day

heat.Hedroveusoutforafewmoreminutesbeforestoppingandturningofftheengine.

Ileanedbackonmyarms,enjoyingthewaythesunfeltonmyskin.IfIconcentratedonthesun,I

couldalmostforgetwewereoutonthewater.

“You’regorgeous.”

Ilookedup.Gavinwatchedme.

“Thankyou.”

“Imeanit.”

“Youdon’tlooksobadyourself,youknow.”Whatanunderstatement.Idon’tthinkI’devergettired

oflookingatGavin—especiallywithhisshirtoff.

“Tellmesomethingaboutyouthatnooneelseknows.”Heshiftedsothathefacedme.

Talkaboutaconversationchange.“Somethingnooneknows?”

“Yeah.Iwanttoknowasecret.”

Afewmonthsago,itwouldhavebeenhardtocomeupwithsomething,butwithMomgone,Inow

hadlotsofsecrets.Iglancedathim.Hewasstillwatchingmecarefully.

“I’msureyoudon’twanttoknowanyofmysecrets.”

“SureIdo.Iwanttoknoweverythingaboutyou.”Heplacedahandonmyleg.Ilovedhowhe

alwaysfoundawaytotouchme.

“Yeahright.”

“Ido.”

TherewassomethingsocomfortingaboutGavin.Staringintohiseyesforjustafewminuteswas

enoughtoeasemynerves.Insomeways,itfeltasifwewereinourownlittlecocoon.Aftertalkingto

Molly,onesecretwasreallyonmymind.

“Myparentsdidn’twantme.”

“What?”Gavingrabbedmyhand.“Whywouldyousaythat?”

“Youaskedforasecret…”

“Okay.”Hepausedasifchoosinghiswordscarefully.“Whywouldyouthinkthat?Iknowyourdad

left,butyousaidyouwereclosetoyourmom…”

“Mydadleftbecausemymomwasn’taround.Iwasn’texactlyplanned.Momtraveledforwork,so

mydadhadtodoalotathome.Heeventuallysnapped.”

“Hejustpackedupandleft?”

“Nopacking.Heleftforwork.Hewassupposedtobehomeearlytotakemetoagame.Wewere

playingtheOrioles.Buthenevercameback.MybabysitterhadtocallmymomwhowasinParisfor

work.”

“Didyoueverlookforhim?”

“Momsaidtherewasnopoint.Whylookforsomeonewhodidn’twantus?”

“Younevergotcurious?”Gavinmovedcloser,lettingmelaymyheadinhislap.

“Mymomdidn’twantmeto,andIfeltlikeshe’dsacrificedenoughformethatIcoulddothatfor

her.Hecontactedmeaftershediedthough.”

“Howwasthat?”Gavinplayedwithmyhair.Ilovedhowhejustaskedquestions.Hedidn’tgoon

abouthowbadhefeltoranything.

“Awkward.Heshowedupatthefuneral.Ithinkhestillexpectedtofindalittlegirl.Hewantedto

reconnect,andheofferedmesomemoney.Itoldhimnothanks,Iwasdoingjustfine.Itjustfeltwrong,

youknow?”

“Yeah,Igetthat.”

“Yourturn.”

“Hmm?”Heranhishanddownmyarm.Iclosedmyeyes,enjoyingthetouch.

“Yourturntotellmeasecretnooneknows.”

“Iwanttocoach.”

“That’syoursecret?”

“Yeah.I’venevertoldanyone.”Helookeddownatme.

“Thenwhydon’tyou?Couldn’tyougetajobdoingit?”

“Icould…butIdon’tthinkI’mreadytofacethegameagain.”

“Oh.Maybeit’sworthtrying?”

“Maybeoneday…”Helookedoutatthewater.“Areyoureadytoheadback?”

“Sure.IthinkI’vehadenoughsun.”Iwantedtopresshim.Iwantedtoknowwhatheldhimback,

butIwasprettysureIknewtheanswer,andIwasn’ttheonetogivesomeoneahardtimeabout

confrontingfears.

“Samehere.”

Gavinbroughttheboatbackin,andIrealizedIhadn’tevenworriedaboutbeingoutonthewaterin

hours.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Becca

GavinhadanarmaroundmywaistwhenwewalkedintoMollyandBen’sbackyard.Wewerethe

lasttoarrive,whichwasn’thardsinceitwasjusttheusualcrowd.EvenIwasgettingusedtoseeingit

thatway.

MollyandKelly’seyeslitupwhentheysawuswalkin,butIhadotherbusinesstodealwithfirst—

Jake.

InoddedtowardJake,lettingGavinknowwhatIwasdoing.

“CanIcome?”Gavingrabbedtwobeersandopenedonebeforehandingittome.

“Nope.”

“ButIthinkitmightbeentertaining.”

“Toobad.”

“Fine.”Heremovedhisarm.“Dowhatyouhaveto.”

Jake’sbackwastome,soItappedhimontheshoulder.

Hespunaround.“Becca—hey.”

“Don’theyme.Weneedtotalk.”

“Okay…”

Iwalkedtowardthedock.Mollyseriouslyhadthecoolestbackyard.Betweenalargedeck,adock,

andagorgeousviewofthewater,Icouldunderstandwhyshelovedtheplacesomuch.

“Listen—Idon’trememberexactlywhatIsaidlastnight,butIdorememberyouandGavintaking

mehome,soI’mguessingitwasbad.”Hefidgeted.

“Oh,itwasbad.”

“Howbad?”

“Youaskedmetosleepwithyou.”

“Oh.”Aslowgrinspreadacrosshisface.“Isthatreallysobad?”

“Doyouwantmetoslapyou?”

“No.Justkidding.Listen,I’msorry.”

“Icanforgiveyouthisonce,butjustknowifithappensagain,you’llbeinamessoftrouble.”

“Itwon’thappenagain.Ipromise.”Heshovedhishandsintohisbackpockets.

“Good.”Ihopedhemeantit.IlikedJakeandvaluedhisfriendship.Ididn’twanthimtoruinit.“I

willalsoneedyourkey.”

Hepulledouthiskeychain,placingthekeytothepoolhouseinmyhandbeforepocketingtherest.

“Iknowyou’remad,butcaretotellmewhat’sgoingonwithyouandGavin?Ithoughtyouguysweren’t

speaking,butyoudefinitelywereboththerelastnight.”

“We’reseeingeachother.”

“Seeingeachother?”

“Yes.”Itriedtoholdbackasmile.

“Soithappenedagain?”

“Noneofyourbusiness.”

“What?Igetdrunkandtrytoseduceyou,andnowyouwon’ttellmeanything?”

Ilaughed.OnlyJakewouldsaysomethinglikethat.“You’reluckyI’mtalkingtoyou.”

“YouforgaveGavin…”

“Jake…”Igrumbled.

“Sorry,sorry.Okay,butIassumethatitdidhappen.Isthatagoodthing?”

“Ithinkso.”

“Thereisnowayyou’retellingJakeanythingbeforeyoutellmeeveragain,”Mollyarrivedwith

Kellyrightbehind.“Beatit,Jake.”

Jakeshovedhishandsinhispockets.“Okay,okay.Seriously,yougirlsareallcrazy.”

“Crazy,butloveable,”Kellyreplied.

“Idon’tknowaboutthat,”hemumbledbeforestalkingaway.

Mollydidn’twaitlong.“Sospill,whathappened?”

Itookaseat,lettingmylegsdangleovertheedgeofthedock.MollyandKellytookseatsnextto

me.“Idecidedtogivehimasecondchance.”

“Obviously…butwhatchangedyourmind?What’sbeengoingon?”Mollythrewarockinthe

water.Inoticedawholepileofthemnexttoher.IwonderedifsheorBenhadcollectedthem.

IreachedoverMollyandpickeduparockfromthepile.“Youactlikeit’sbeenmonths.Everything

happenedinthelasttwodays.”

“We’rewaiting.”Mollyleanedintome.

“Idon’treallyknowwhatchangedmymind.IwantedtoseeifIwasjustimaginingthingsorif

maybehefeltsomethingtoo.Andhewassosweetthisweek,leavingmegiftsandeverything.IknewI’d

neverbesatisfiedwithoutclosure—butnowit’sdefinitelynotclosed.”

Kellygrinned.“Itakeityouhadagoodtimelastnight?”

“Yes,itwasagoodnight.”Iwasdefinitelynotusedtotalkingaboutthiskindofthing.Itossedthe

rockoutintothewater.

“Ithinkit’sawesome.Youguyslooksogoodtogether.”Kellywassobubblyitwascontagious.I

feltmyselfgettinggiddytoo.

“Ithinkthiscouldbegood.Youhaven’tdatedanyoneinages.”Mollysmiled.

“Yeah,whoknows?We’llseewhathappens.”ItriedtoplayitoffasifIwasn’ttooconcerned,but

insideIwasamessofnerves.Itwasallsonew.

Mollypeeredoverhershoulder.“SpeakingofGavin,hiseyesareburningaholeinyourbackright

now.”

Iturnedandcaughthiseye.Hebrokeintoahugesmileandgesturedformetocomejoinhim.

Mollysawthelookofindecisiononmyface.“Goahead.Havefun.”

Ihesitated,wantingtocheckinwithMollyaboutherownexcitementfirst,butIwasn’tsureifKelly

knew.

“Areyoudoingokay?”IhopedsheknewwhatIwasasking.

“Yes,andKellyknows.”

“Ohokay.Good.Sohowdiditgo?”

“Great.Benwasecstatic.He’salreadygoingbackandforthoverwhetherhewantsaboyorgirl.”

Sheglowed.

“Don’tholdoutonher.Heproceededtotellherthatthegenderdoesn’tactuallymatterbecausethe

babywillbejustthefirstofmany,”Kellysupplied.

Ilaughed.“See,Itoldyouhe’dreactwell.”

Kellyleanedbackonherhands.“Istillcan’tbelieveshe’sgoingtohaveababy…socrazy.”

“Crazy,butamazing.”

Iturned.GavintalkedtoTombutstillwatchedme.

“Go.”Mollyshovedmyarm.

“Okay,okay.”IgotupandwalkedovertoGavin.

“I’vemissedyou.”Hepulledmetohisside.Tomwalkedoffwithasmile.

“Missedmeaftertwentyminutes?”

“Imissedyouafterone.”

“WhatareyougoingtodowhenwegobacktoworkonMonday?”

“Gointowithdrawal.Andincaseyouweren’taware,we’redoingsomethingMondaynight.”

“Don’tIgetasayinit?”

“Onlyifit’stherightone.”Helaughed.“Butreally,youwantto,right?”

“Yeah,Ido.”

“Good.”

Aftereatingsomeamazingbarbeque,wecalleditanight.Ihadanewappreciationforwhat

barbequereallymeant.WhereIwasfrom,itjustmeantgrilling.Ihadnoideabarbequecouldmeanusing

asmokerandcreatingsomeseriouslyjuicyanddeliciousmeat.

“Areyousureyoudon’twanttostayatmyplace?”Gavintookmyhandashepulledupinfrontof

theMathews’shouse.

“Asniceasthatsounds,IthinkIshouldgohometonight.”Iwasn’tabouttopushthingstoomuch.

Theywerefinallygoingwell.

“Ifyou’resure…”

Ikissedhimonthecheek.“I’lltalktoyoutomorrow.”

“No,you’llseemetomorrow.”Hekissedmeonthelips.

Ismiled.“Allright.I’llseeyoutomorrow.”

***

WhenIarrivedatworkonMonday,Igotanawesomesurprise.Iheardtwovoicesdriftingthrough

thefrontdooroftheoffice.

“Hi,youmustbeBecca.”AmanwiththinningblackhairwalkedoutofMatt’sofficeandheldout

hishand.Hewaswearingasuit,somethingIhadn’tseenonanyoneelsesincearrivingintown.Ihadn’t

eventakenmineoutofthegarmentbag.

Iacceptedhishandshake.“Mr.Morgan?”

“Yes,butpleasecallmeJim.It’snicetofinallymeetyou.Matt’sbeentellingmeaboutyourwork.It

soundslikeyou’vebeenabighelp.”Heglanceddownatthefileinhishandlikehehadjustremembered

hewasholdingit.

IheldbackacommentaboutwhatMatthadactuallybeenpayingattentionto.“I’mgladtohearthat.

I’veenjoyedmytimeheresofar.”

“Wonderful.”

IspentthatmorninggettingtoknowMr.Morgansenior,andMattbehavedlikeatotallydifferent

person:veryprofessional,butstillnice.ThefirstmomentIhadalone,Iletoutahugesighofrelief.

WithJimintheoffice,Ifoundmyselfactuallyenjoyingwork.ThedaysflewasIgotusedtothefeel

ofasmalltownlawfirm.IreallylikedthecasualatmosphereandhowIwasn’tafraidtoaskany

questions.ItwassodifferentfromworkinginBoston.Thingsgotdone,butthepacewasmuchslowerand

relaxed.

IspentmyeveningsalonewithGavinorhangingoutwithMollyandKellyandtheirhusbands.I

couldtellGavinlovedthathewasn’tthesingleoneanymore.Jaketaggedalongsometimes,butusually

he’djuststopbyatrandomtimestohangout.

IattemptedtokeepthingsfromgettingtooserioustoofastwithGavin.Hewantedmetostayover

allthetime,butIkeptittoweekendsandherespectedthat,althoughhealwaystriedtomakethemlong

weekends.Occasionally,IgaveinonaThursdaynight.ThetruthwasthatIwasfalling,andfallinghard.

ChapterTwenty-Three

Gavin

BeccaandIwalkeddownthebeachtogethertowardtheClaytonFallsFestival.Inthedistance,we

couldalreadyseetheglowofthecarnivallights.

Shestoppedshortasthecrowdscameintoview.“Isitalwaysthis,uh,festive?”

“Iwouldn’tknow.Thisisthefirsttimethey’vehaditsinceI’velivedhere.”

“Really?Buteveryonetalksaboutitlikeit’stheeventoftheyear.”Beccalookedgorgeousinapink

sundress.Herhairwasdown,fallinginwavesaroundherface.Iresistedtheurgetoreachoutandtouch

it.Ididn’tthinkanyonecouldhavehairthatsoft.

“Theycutitforbudgetaryreasons.Itwaseasierthanslashinganotherdepartment.ClaytonFalls

washitreallyhardwiththerecessionandeverything.Thebigmanufacturingplantintowncloseddown

aboutsixyearsback.”

“Oh…Ididn’tknow.Iguessit’sgoodnewsthefestivalisback.”

“Itdefinitelyis.”ItookBecca’shand,andwewalkedtheremainingdistancetotheboardwalk.

“Ididn’tknowthattherewereeventhismanypeoplelivinginthistown.”

“Yeah,Ithinkeveryone’soutfortheoccasion,andalotofpeoplecamebacktovisit.”

“IknowMollywasdisappointedherfamilydidn’t.”

“It’saprettybigtripfromSeattle.”

“Evenfortheeventoftheyear.”Shesmiled.

“Hey,guys.”Jakecaughtupwithus.

Beccagrinned.“Hey,good,Ineededalocalforaguidetoday.”

“ShouldIbeinsultedbythatcomment?”Iteased.Ididn’tactuallycare,butIdidn’tlikeherthinking

sheneededJakeforanything.

“Nope.Youshouldbehappyfortheguidetoo.”

GladforJake’scompany?Notexactly.

“Doyouwantthehistorylessonfirst?”Jakeasked.

“Yes,historyfirst.”

IhadtosmileatBecca’senthusiasm.

Jakeclearedhisthroatasifhewasgettingreadytogivesomeimportantspeech.“TheClaytonFalls

Festivalstartedbackin1910.ThefirstFestivalwasreallytheweddingofthemayor’sdaughter,butit

wassuchahitthattheycontinuediteveryyearafter.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.You’reeatingthisup,aren’tyou?”Jakelaughed.

“Hey,Ilovehistory.”Beccaputahandonherhipandgotallpouty.Shewassocutewhenshedid

that.

“Admitit,you’reanerd.”Mollyjoinedusoutofnowhere,Benintow.

“Whoah,what’swiththetiara?”BeccaandIlookedateachother,surprisedtoseeMollywitha

crownonherhead.

“Wait,youdidn’tknow?”Jakegrinned.“Yourfriendhereisabeautyqueen.”

“What?”

“Ohshutup,Jake.It’snothingthatserious.IwasjustMissClaytonFalls,myyear.It’snotabig

deal.”Shebrushedoffthecomment,butshelookedoddlyathomeinthetiara.

“No?TellBenthat.Hewentaroundtownforweeksbraggingaboutit.”Jakepointedtohisbrother.

“Hey,Iwasproudofher.”Bensmiled,puttinganarmaroundMolly.Evidently,hewasstillproud.

Itdidn’tbothermeanymore.IhadBecca.

Beccalaughed.“Wow,MissClaytonFalls.Prettyimpressive.WereyouHomecomingQueentoo?”

“No,definitelynot.ButhewasHomecomingKing.”MollypointedtoJake.

“You?YouwereHomecomingKing?”Beccaaskedincredulously.

Jakepretendedtobeoffended.“What?Doesthatreallysurpriseyouthatmuch?”

“Yes,itdoesactually.”

“Yeah,thathonorusuallygoestothequarterbackaroundhere.”BengrinnedatJake.

“Quarterback?HowdidInotknowaboutyourhighschoolglorydays,Jake?”Beccalaughed.

“Youneverasked.”Hegrinned.Hewasdefinitelyenjoyingthis.“Whataboutyou?Wereyou

HomecomingQueen?”

“Notexactly.Wedidn’tevenhaveahomecominggame.Iwenttoanall-girlsschool.”Becca’sface

woreafarofflook.Iwonderedwhatmemorytheconversationhadtriggered.

“Really?”IguesstherewasalotIdidn’tknowaboutBecca.

“Didyouwearauniform?”Jakeaskedwithasmile.“Likethoseshortskirtsandstuff?”

Iglaredathim.

“Wehaduniforms,buttheskirtsweren’tthatshort.”Hereyeswereplayful.Shedidn’tseemtomind

hisquestionasmuchasIdid.

“Toobad.”

Sheswattedathisarmplayfully.“Whataboutyou,Gavin?Anyhighschoolsecretsyou’reholding

onto?”

“Nothingtooexciting.Butifwe’redonereminiscingabouthighschool,areyoureadytogoonsome

rides?”

“Rides?”Becca’seyesgotbig.

“Haveyoureallyneverbeentoafairbefore?Ofcoursetherearerides.”

“Naturally,I’vebeentoafair,buttherearereallyrideshere?”

Ileanedintowhisperinherear.“Yes,hon,andIthinktheFerrisWheelhasournameonit.”

“FerrisWheel?”

Ilaughed.“Yes,theridesaresetupontheotherside,overthere.”Ipointedtooneoftheparking

lots.

Mollyjumpedin.“Thegamesarefuntoo.”

“Games?Wehavetodothosefirst.”Beccaliterallybounced.

“Allright,whateveryouwant.”

BeccaandIwalkeddowntothegames.Iputanarmaroundher,lovinghowchildlikeshelooked.

Shewaseatingitallup.

“You’regoingtohavetowinmeoneofthose.”

We’dstoppedinfrontofoneofthoseknock-over-the-bottlegames.Icheckedouttheprizestosee

whathadcaughtherattention.“YouwouldnoticetheoneRedSoxbearprizeinthewholeplace.”

“How’dyouknowthat’sthebearIwanted?”Shegrabbedontomyarm.

“I’dpicktheBrave’sonemyself,butIdoubtthatwouldflywithyou.”

“Nope.”Shekissedmeonthecheek.“Areyougoingtowinitformeorwhat?”

Ilaughedandpulledadollaroutofmywallet.

“Hereyougo,sir.”Thekidrunningtheboothhandedmetworedballsthesizeofbaseballs.

Thefirstballslammedagainstthebackwalloftheboothafterknockingoverallthebottles.I

probablyshouldn’thaveusedsomuchforce,butIcouldn’tresistshowingoffalittle.

“She’dliketheRedSoxbear.”

Beccaactuallyjumpedupanddown.Shewasseriouslyfartoocute.

Itookthebearfromthekidbutdidn’tgiveittoBeccarightaway.

Shegrabbedforit,butIhelditawayfromher.“First,you’regoingtodosomethingforme.”

“What?”

“YouneedtoexperiencetheFestivalfoodfirst.Eatafunnelcakeandcottoncandy.”

“Both?”Shesoundedexcitedattheprospect.

“Yes.Thenyougetyourbear.”

“Okay,Ilikesweets.Whichoneisfirst?”

“Iguessthecocoaandbiscottiobsessionshouldhavebeenadeadgiveawayaboutyoursweet

tooth.”

“You’dthink.”Shetookmyhandandledmeovertothefoodbooths.

Shestoppedshort.“Changeofplans.Forgetthefunnelcake.”

Ifollowedhergaze.She’dnoticedGail’sstand.“Allright.Iagree.Whatshouldweget?”

“Pecanpie.DefinitelyGail’specanpie.”

Wewaitedasacoupleinfrontofusordered,andthenitwasourturn.“HiGail!”Beccasaid

excitedly.

“Hi,youtwo.AreyouenjoyingyourfirstClaytonFallsFest?”

“Definitely,butitwouldbeevenbetterwithasliceofyourpecanpie.”Becca’seyeswerealready

gluedonthedisplaybehindGail.

“Absolutely.Youreallydolovethispie,don’tyou?”

“IwishI’dknowntheextentofyoursweettooth,”Iteased.

“Thenyou’dhavetriedtostuffmefull,andIcan’tresist.”

“Andthatwouldbebadbecause…”

“Youeateverythingwithoutgainingapound.Youwouldn’tgetit.”

“Likeyouhavetoworryabout—”

“Gavin,awordofadvice?”GailhandedoverBecca’spieceofpie.

“Sure,Gail.”

“Youarenevergoingtowinanargumentwithawomanaboutweight,soletitgo.”

“Allright.I’lltakeyourwordforit.”

“Here’syourpie,hon.Don’tlethimgettoyou.Ijusthavetosay,youtwomakesuchanice

couple.”

Ismiled.Gail’scomplimentswerealwaysgenuine.“Thanks.”

ChapterTwenty-Four

Becca

Stillenjoyingthelingeringtasteofpecanpie,IpickedatthebluecottoncandyGavinhadboughtus.

Wewalkeddownthebeachholdinghandsandwatchingthestars.Iwasprettysuretherewasnothingas

beautifulasastarfilledskyonabeach.

“Havingagoodtime?”Gavinasked.

“Definitely.”Iswungourarmsalittle,holdingbacktheurgetoskip.Ihonestlycouldn’tremember

thelasttimeI’dhadsomuchfun.

“Iloveseeingyoulikethis.”

“Likewhat?”

“Likethis.”Hetwirledmearound,andwedancedtothedistantmusic.

“Ilikefeelinglikethis.”Ilaydownonthesand,lovingthelightbreeze.

Hedroppeddownnexttome.“Youhavethemostbeautifulsmileintheworld.”

Gavinleanedonhiselbow,watchingme.

Ireachedoverandranahanddownhisarm.“Iloveyoursmiletoo.”

Hemovedcloser,brushinghislipsagainstmine.

“Ifyoucouldbeanywhereintheworldrightnow,wherewouldyoube?”Iasked.

Heplayedwithastrandofmyhair.“Here.”

“Beserious.”

“Iam.IlikewhereI’mat.”

“Metoo.”

Hesmiled,takingmyhandinhismuchlargerone.Therewassomethingsocomfortingaboutthefeel

ofhisstronghandaroundmine.“Iloveyou,Becca.”

MyheartflutteredwhenIheardthewords,andwithoutevenconsciouslythinkingaboutit,Ireplied.

“Iloveyoutoo.”

Hislipsreturnedtomine,butitwasmorethanabrushthistime.Hepulledmecloser,cradlingmy

headinhishand.Hedeepenedthekiss,andifithadn’tbeenforthesoundofthewaveslappingatthe

shoreandthedistantlaughteroffair-goers,Icouldhaveforgottenwherewewere.

Weeventuallyseparatedandjuststaredatthestars.“Doyouwanttogohome,orshouldwego

backtothefair?”

“Homesoundsgood,butItoldMollywe’dmeetup.Besides,youdidpromisemeaFerrisWheel

ride.”

“Idid,didn’tI?”

Gavinstoodandgavemeahandtohelpmeup.“Shallwe?”

Helinkedhisarmwithmine,andwewalkedbacktowardthefair.

“Thereyouare!”KellyyelledasIwavedatheracrossthecrowd.“I’vebeenlookingforyou.”

“Hey.”

ShepulledmeintoahugassoonasIreachedher.

“What’sgoingon?”

“Nottoomuch,butyoumissedthecrowningofMissClaytonFalls.Mollyfinallyhandedoverher

tiara.”Kellyranahandthroughherbrownhair,tryingtosmoothoutthedamagecausedbythewind.

“Wait,soshewasthelastone?”WatchingKellyfixherhairmademesuddenlyself-consciousof

myown.Iresistedtheurgetopullitback.GavinseemedtolikewhenIworeitdown.

“Yeah.Weird,Iknow.Whereareyouguysheaded?”

“IwaslookingforMolly,andthenwemightheadovertotherides.”Isearchedthecrowdsagain,

hopingtocatchaglanceofMolly.

Kellynoddedtowardtherides.“Molly’sovertherenow.We’lljoinyou.”

IlookedovermyshoulderandnoticedGavintalkingwithTom.Kellywalkedoverandgrabbed

Tom’shand,pullinghimalong.Gavintookmyhand.KellytextedMolly,andshemetusoverbytheFerris

Wheel.BenandJakewerewithher.“Igotusalltickets.”Molly,dressedlikeshealwayswasinajean

skirt,beamed.Iwasn’tsureifitwasapregnancygloworjustbecauseshewashappy,butshelooked

amazing.

Icouldn’tpictureamoreperfectendtotheevening.SittingwithGavin,watchingthestarsandmoon

reflectoutoverthewaterfiftyfeetintheairwasprettyincredible.Asricketyastherideseemed,Ididn’t

mindatall.Gavinputanarmaroundme,andIleanedintohim,inhalinghissmell—amixofaftershave

andsomethingelseIcouldneverfigureout.

Webarelytalked,justenjoyingeachother.Ilovedthatwecoulddothat.Therewasneverany

pressuretocomeupwithanythingtosay.

“Thatwasfun,huh?”Kellyaskedassoonaswegotoutofourcar.

“Definitely,butI’mexhausted.IthinkI’mreadytoheadhome.”IstoleaglanceatGavin.

Gavinsqueezedmyhand.“Soundsgoodtome.”

Kellygavemeaknowinglook,tellingmesheknewexactlywhatIwashintingat.“Allright,butwe

needtogettogethersoon.Howaboutwedoagirls’nightwhentheyplaypokernextweek?”

Ithoughtaboutitforasecond,butIalreadyknewmyanswer.“Sure,thatsoundsgreat.”

Mollyagreed.“I’min.Bencankeephimselfbusy.”

“Heshouldjoinus,”Tomsuggested.

“Youwantmetojoinyourpokernight?”

“Yeah,and,Jake,youcancometoo.”

GavineyedTomskeptically.Ibitmyliptostopmyselffromlaughing.Gavinwasnotabigfanof

theMathewsbrothers.

“Sure,whynot?”Jakeansweredquickly.

Iwouldhavepaidtoseethatgame,butagirls’nightwithMollyandKellysoundedprettygoodtoo.

“Whatarewegoingtodo?Pleasetellmeitwon’tinvolveGill’s.”Istillhadn’twarmeduptothe

localbar.

Kellylaughed.“NoGill’s,Ipromise.We’llthinkofsomethinggood.”

“Cool.”WesaidourgoodbyesandheadedbackdownthebeachtoGavin’splace.Ilikedthathe

didn’tevenhavetoaskmeifIwantedtocome.

***

Girls’nightoutturnedouttobegirls’nightin.Kellyblendedmargaritas,makingsomevirginones

forMollyatthesametime.

“Youdidn’thavetobothermakingmemyown.Icouldhavejusthadwater,”MollysaidwhenKelly

handedheraglass.

“Whatwouldbethefuninthat?Atleastyoucanfeellikeyou’rehavingamargarita.Besides,we

allknowit’sthecuteglasswiththesaltthatmakesit,notthetequila.”Kellytookasipfromherdrink.

“Wedo?”Mollyarchedaneyebrow.

“Yes.Andtheseglassesarecute,aren’tthey?”Kellyheldhersup.

“Verycute,”Ijumpedin.Theglasseswereprettycute,withacooldramaticswirldesignonthem.

“Ilovethecolor—it’sacoolshadeofgreen.”

“Kellyhavingsomethinggreen?Shocking.”Mollyteased.IlookedaroundKelly’skitchen.Green

accentswereeverywhere.

Wetookourdrinksoutsidewithabowlofchipsandsalsa.Itwashotout,butIwasreallystarting

togetusedtotheheat.

“I’mstilltryingtoadjusttohowquietitishere.”Itookasipofmymargarita,enjoyingthetartness

andthekick.

“It’sdifferentfromthecity,that’sforsure.”Mollyslippedoffherflipflopsandputherfeetupon

anemptychair.

“Justmakeyourselfathome,whydon’tyou?”KellynudgedMolly’sarm.

“Ohcomeon,I’mpregnant.Thatshouldcountforsomething.”

“You’renotpregnantenoughtocomplainaboutsorefeet,that’sforsure.”Kellysoundedalittle

short,andImighthavebeenreadingwaytoomuchintoit,butIwonderediftherewasanoteofjealousy.

“Okay…”Mollysatup.

Ididn’tlikethetensionanddidthefirstthingIcouldthinkoftoeaseit.“Don’tyouguyswantto

grillmeaboutGavin?That’susuallyyourfavoriteactivity,right?”

Kellyrelaxedhershoulders.“Iwasjustthinkingaboutthat.Anythingyoufeellikesharing?”

“It’susuallyyourjobtopullitoutofme.You’reprettygoodatthat.”

Mollytookafewsipsofherdrink.“Haveyouguystalkedatallaboutwhatyouwanttodoatthe

endofthesummer?”

“Molly,seriously?Doyouwanttoshutherupbeforeshestarts?”Kellyshookherheadlikeshe

wasannoyed,butIcouldtellshewasholdingbackasmile.

“I’mjustasking.Youguysseemedsoclosetheothernightatthefestival.Ikindofwonderedif

you’dbeentalkingaboutmakingthingsmoreseriousorsomething.”

“Weusuallyavoidthattopicofconversation.Ihonestlydon’tknowwhatIwant,letalonewhathe’s

thinking.”Ishiftedinmychair.

“Isn’titprettysimple?Imean,youhavetofinishschool,soyou’llhavetodolongdistancefor

what,nineortenmonths?”Kellyasked.

“Wedon’thavetodolongdistanceifwe’renottogether…”

“Ohcomeon,Becca.Iseethewayyoulookateachother.Youcan’treallythinkit’sjustafling,”

Mollysaidgently.

“Hetoldmehelovedme.”Icouldn’tcontainasmile.

“Ahh,really?”BothMollyandKellynearlyjumpedoutoftheirchairs.

“Whatdidyousayback?”Mollyasked.

“ItoldhimIlovedhimtoo.”

“Andyou’requestioningthelongdistancething…”Kellytrailedoff.

“Idon’tknow.Thisisallsonewtome,youknow?”

“Yeah,new,butawesome,right?”Mollytookanothersipofherdrink.

“Awesomeisagoodwordforit.”

Istayedoverforafewmorehoursuntiltheguysshowedup.IfollowedGavinhome,anxiousto

curlupinbedwithhim.Justtalkingabouttheendofthesummerupsetme,andIneededtolosemyselfin

histouch.

ChapterTwenty-Five

Becca

GavinandIhadfallenintoaroutine.Wesaweachothermostnights,butThursdayswerealways

set:take-outandamovie.Itwassuchanicewaytoeaseintotheweekend.

GavinhadtoworklateoneThursdayinJuly,soIofferedtogooverandwalkMax.Idefinitely

lovedhavingadogaround.IwasgoingtohavetogetonewhenIgotbacktoBoston.Maxjumpedupand

downwhenIwalkedinandgrabbedhisleash.GavinhadgivenmeakeysoIcouldgetin,butItriednot

toreadtoomuchintoit.

Itwasseven,butthesunstillshone.IsnappedonMax’sleash,andweheadeddowntothebeach.It

wasfairlyemptyatthathour,butIsawacoupleofteensstillhangingout.Iwalkeddowntothewater’s

edge,slippingoffmysandals,androllingupmyjeans.Mollylaughedatmeforwearingjeansinninety-

fivedegreeweather,butit’swhatIwasmostcomfortablein.

Thewarmwaterfeltgreatonmyfeet,andMaxlopedhappilybesideme.Ilovedthewaythesun

reflectedofftheswells.Theoceanwascalm,butthegentlelappingofthewaveswasloudenoughto

createarelaxingsortofmood.

I’dmissmywalksonthebeachwhenIwentbacktoBoston.IwasgoingtomissalotaboutClayton

Falls.I’dmissthepeacefulness,thequiet.Partsofitwereboring,butIlovedthatIwasn’tscaredtogo

forawalkonmyown.Ofcourse,IknewwhatI’dmissthemost—Gavin.

Wereachedtheendofthebeachandturnedbackaround.Istoppedforasecondtopullmyhairup

intoabun.Evenwiththesunsetting,itwasstillhot.IlookedforwardtogettingbackintoGavin’snearly

arcticapartment.Iwasn’tquitesurehowhepaidhiscoolingbill,butsometimeshisinsistenceonblaring

theACwasagoodthing.

IgotbacktoGavin’sandletMaxofftheleash.Hecollapsedonhispillowbythewindow.Ipicked

upmypursefromwhereIleftitontheislandcountertopandpulledoutmyphone,noticingamissedcall

fromaBostonnumberIdidn’trecognize.

Idialedintovoicemail,hopingitwasaboutmyloans.

“Hi,Becca.It’sDad.IlookedupyournumberbecauseIreallywanttotalktoyou.Iknowyousaid

youweren’tinterestedinmyhelp,butI’dloveifyou’dletmegettoknowyou.Iamyourfatherafterall.”

Ihungup,notwantingtolistentotherestofthemessage.Whowashetocomecrawlingintomylife

allofasudden?TherehadbeensomanytimesoverthepastyearswhenI’ddaydreamedabouthim

comingback,whenI’dimaginedhimactuallycaring,butIwasn’tthatsamedaydreaminglittlegirl

anymore.Hehadn’tbeentherewhenIneededhim,soIdidn’tneedhim.Period.IfMomhadtaughtme

anything,itwastoquestionaperson’smotives.Peopledidn’tdoanythingoutofthegoodnessoftheir

hearts.Hehadtohaveanulteriormotive.

IwascurledonthecouchwatchingthewavesthroughthewindowwhenGavingothome.

“Hey,baby.”Hekissedmeontheforehead.“Justgivemeasecondtochange,andI’llbeout.”

Gavinalwaysseemedsodifferentinuniform.Helookedgood,butsomehowitdidn’tfit,likehe

didn’treallyfeelcomfortablewearingit.Healwayschangedthefirstchancehegot.

“Okay.”Iforcedasmile.Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutmydad.IhatedthathethoughtIwasjust

goingtodowhathewanted.

Gavincamebackoutaminuteorsolaterinshortsandalongsleevedt-shirt.Hedressedforthe

interiortemperature.“Ican’ttellyouhowniceitistocomehomeandfindyouhere.”

“YouknewI’dbehere.”

“Exactly.ItmademywholedaybetterknowingI’dfindyouwaiting.”Hesatdownnexttome.

“How’dhebehave?”HepointedtoMax.

“Maxwasperfect.”Thedogpickeduphisheadwhenheheardhisname.

“Good.Ifiguredhewouldbe.He’scrazyaboutyou.”

“Yeah,thefeeling’smutual.”

“Well,I’mcrazyaboutyoutoo.”

Ismiled.

“Aren’tyougoingtotellmethefeeling’smutual?”

“Whosaysitis?”Iwantedtokeepthingslight.Ididn’twanttoletmyangeratmyDadruinour

night,butitwaseasiersaidthandone.WhatIneededwastoburnoffenergy.Ineededtogohomeand

swim.

“Ohitis.”Hepushedmedownonthecouch,followingaftersohehoveredaboveme.“Youknowit

is.”

“Gavin,don’t.Ihavetogo.”ThemoreIthoughtaboutit,thebetterswimmingsomelapssounded.

“ButI’llbebacklater.”

“Nuhuh,Ijustgothome.You’renotgoinganywhere.”Hislipswenttomyearanddownmyneck.It

feltgood,butIneededtoleave.TherewasnowayIwasgoingtomakeitallnightholdingintheanger.

Itriedtoturnmyneckawayfromhim,buthejustturnedittowardhimagain.“I’vebeenwaitingall

dayforyou.”

“Ihavetogo.”

“No,youdon’t.I’mnotdonewithyou.”Thosewords—Ihadn’theardtheminsolongbutitall

camebacktome.Ihadn’thadaflashbackinyears.Imagesfloodedmymind,likeaterrifyingmovie.

Ipushedagainsthim.“Letmego.”Thetearsstartedtofloodmyface.

Hemovedoffme,lettingmesitup.“Becca?What’sgoingon?”

Ipulleddownmyshirtfromwhereitwasridingupandwalkedtofindmyshoes.Ifelthisarms

comearoundmefrombehind.“Becca,didIdosomething?Didthatupsetyou?Iwasjustplayingaround.”

Iturnedtolookathim,wellawarethatmyfacewasaswollenmessoftears.

“It’snotyourfault,butIhavetogo.”

“No.Youneedtotellmewhat’sgoingon.I’mnotlettingyouleaveuntilwetalkthisout.”

“Whoareyoutostopme?”Ichallenged.

“Yourboyfriend.”

Hearingthosewordsandtheconvictionheusedwhenhesaidthemstoppedmeinmytracks.He

deservedthetruthevenifIdidn’twanttoshareit.

“Idon’twanttoruinthis.”Igesturedatthespacebetweenus.

“Ruinwhat?”Hetookmyhandandledmebacktothecouch,whereIcrumpledintoaballinhis

arms.Ifeltsosafethere,likenothingintheworldcouldeverhurtmeagain.

“Us.”

“Nothing’sgoingtoruinus.Youcantellmeanything.”Hiskindeyespleadedwithme.

“It’sgoingtochangethings.”Thethoughtmademystomachchurn.Iwantedeverythingtostay

exactlythewayitwas—perfect.

“Idoubtit,butifyou’reright,thensobeit.Ineedtoknowwhat’swrong.”

Itookadeepbreathandletitoutslowly.“Iwasn’tactuallyavirgin.”Iwastooafraidtoevenlook

upathim.

“Okay.”WhenIdidn’tsayanythingrightaway,hecontinued.“That’snotwhatyou’reupsetabout,is

it?ThatI’dbemad?BecauseIlikedthinkingIwastheonlyone,butitdoesn’tmatter—”

Icuthimoff.“No.That’snotit.”Imademyselflookathim.“I’llshowyou.”Ipulledoffmyshirt,

andwatchedthelookofconfusioncrosshisface.Ipulleddownmybratoshowhimthemarkshe’d

obviouslynoticedbuthadbeenkindenoughtoneverbringup.

“Whodidthattoyou?”Hepulledmebackintohisarms.“Whohurtyou,Becca?”

Iglanceddownatthescars.Theyhadfadedovertheyears,butthetwolineswerestillpinkand

raised.Iranafingeroverone.Istillhatedtotouchthem.“Itwassenioryearofhighschool.Momwas

away,andIwassleeping.Thepolicesaidhe’dprobablybeenfollowingmeforawhile,waitingforthe

chance.”Ipaused,tryingtobuildupthestrengthtocontinue.Ihadn’tsharedthiswithanyonesinceit

happened.

IfeltGavin’sarmstightenaroundme.“Iwokeupwhenhepulleddownmyblankets.Icouldbarely

seehiminthedarkness,buthisvoicechilledmewhenheaskedmeifI’dbeenwaitingforhim.Itriedto

fighthim,buthewassomuchstronger.Hegotmypajamasoffandhispantsbeforepinningmyarms

abovemesohecouldtiethemtotheheadboard.Beforeheactuallydidit,heturnedonmylampandmade

thosemarks,sayingthey’dhelpmerememberhim.”

Ichokeddownsobs.“Thecutshurt,butitwasnothingcomparedtohowmuchithurtwhenhetook

me.Hedefinitelytriedtomakeitpainful,likehewastryingtopunishme.”

“Ohgod,Becca.”Gavinsqueezedmyhands.

“Istruggledafter,andhetoldmetostopbecausehewasn’tdonewithme.Thenhediditagain.”I

pausedtoregainasemblanceofcomposure.“Sonowyouknow.”Ipulledawayandreachedformyt-

shirt,butGavinstoppedmebytakingmyhandsinhisagain.

“Iamsosorryyouhadtogothroughthat.”Thecompassiononhisfacewasobvious,butIalso

knewhe’dneverlookatmethesamewayagain.NowIwasthevictim,nothingmore.

“It’sthepast.”Irememberedhowhesaidthesamethingabouthisinjury.

“Ineedtokillthatsonofabitch.”

Ididn’tdoubthisstatement.Underneaththecompassionlurkedalotofanger.

“Listen,I’llmakeiteasyonyou.”Igatheredmycourage.

“What?”Helookedstartled.

“Iknowthischangesthings.Don’tworry,Iunderstand.It’sbeenfun.”Ireachedagainformyshirt.

“Areyoutryingtobreakupwithme?”

“Soyoudon’thaveto.”

Heputahandundermychinandmademelookathim.“Yes,thischangesthings.InowknowIneed

tobemorecareful,butitdoesn’tchangehowIfeel.”Hereleasedmychinandpulledmeinforahug.

“Morecareful?See,thatruinseverything.”

“How?Howdoesthatruinanything?”

“Idon’twantyoupityingme,afraidtohurtme.”

“Idon’tpityyou.Ijustdon’twanttogiveyouanotherflashback.That’swhathappened,isn’tit?”

Inodded.“IthinkIshouldtellyoutherest.Youshouldhearitall.”Iwastiredofhalf-truths.I

wanteditallout.

“Okay.”

“TheycaughttheguyfromthedescriptionIgave,buttheydidn’thaveenoughevidencetoconvict

him.He’dbeenniceenoughtouseacondombothtimes.”

Gavinnodded,soIcontinued,butIfelthisbodytense.

“ThatwaswhenIdecidedtobecomeaprosecutor.Iwantedtospendmylifeputtingthosekindsof

peoplebehindbars.”

ChapterTwenty-Six

Gavin

Icouldhavekilled.Itendtothinkofmyselfasafairlycalmguy,buthearingthatsomelowlifehad

donesomethingsohorribletothegirlIlovedmademesick.Itriedtopushawaytheangerandfocuson

whatwasmostimportant:takingcareofBecca.Somuchmoremadesensenow:herdrivetoworkinthe

D.A.’soffice,herfears.Itwaslikesomeonehadfinallyturnedonalight.

“I’mgoingtomakesureyoufeelsafefromnowon.Youknowthatright?”

“Thisdoesn’tinvolveyou.It’sbeenyears,andI’vedealtwithitonmyownthewholetime.”

“Ofcourseitinvolvesme.”Itriedtokeepmyvoicecalm.Ididn’twanttoscareher,butIdidn’t

likehertryingtopushmeaway.

“Why?Youcan’tgoaroundtryingtoprotecteveryone.”

“Inwhatalternativeuniverseareyouinthesamecategoryaseveryone?You’remygirlfriend.A

manissupposedtoprotecthisgirlfriend.”

Shegotawistfulexpression.“Youstillwanttocallmethat?”

“What?”Ipulledherontomylap.“Ikeeptellingyounothing’schanged.Idon’tknowhowtomake

youseethat.”

“Yousayit,butdoyoumeanit?Ifyou’regoingtodumpmeortreatmedifferently,justgetitover

with.”Sheclutchedacouchcushionasifherlifedependedonit.

“Okay,howdoIshowyouthatImeanit?”

Shescrambledoffmylap.Ireluctantlylethergo.

Shestoodupandunbuttonedherjeans,slowlyslidingthemoff.“Ifnothing’schanged,proveit.”

WasshereallysayingwhatIthoughtshewas?Shewantedmetoprovenothinghadchangedby

havingsexwithher?

“Idon’twantyoutreatingmedifferently.Idon’twantyoutotreatmelikeI’mbroken,ordelicate,

oranythinglikethat.Eitheryoushowmethatnothing’schangedbetweenus,andyoucanstillbewithme

inthesameway,orIleaverightnow,andI’mnotcomingback.You’reright,Gavin.Iamcrazyaboutyou,

butIonlywanttobewithyouifthingsreallyarethesame.Irefusetojustbethegirlyoufeelbadfor.”

Ilookedather,takinginthebeautifulwomaninfrontofme.Shewascrazyifshethoughtanything

wouldevermakemewantherless—couldmakemeneedherless.

“That’sachallengeImorethanwillinglyaccept.”Ipulledoffmyshirt,wantingherhandsonme

nearlyasbadlyasIneededmineonher.Istoodupandkissedherhardonthemouth,pullingawaywithout

warning.

“Iwantyou,Becca.”Ihadherbraoffinseconds,runningmyfingersoverthescarsI’dsocarefully

avoidedbefore.“Allofyou.”

Iloweredmyhead,lettingmymouthrunoverthesamespot.“Everyinchofyou.”

Shemoaned,whichjustturnedmeonmore.“I’mnotborrowingyou.I’mnotreturningyou.You’re

minenow,andthat’snever,evergoingtochange.”Ipulleddownherpantiesslowly.“Doyou

understand?”

Shenoddedbeforemovingtoundressme.

***

Itwasninethirtyatnightbeforeweatedinner.Wefinallygotoutofbedlongenoughtomakea

frozenpepperonipizza.Shesatwithherlegscurledupunderher,wearingoneofmyt-shirts.Iloved

seeingherdressedthatway.Shelookedsorightinit.Somine.Sometimesitwashardtobelievethis

amazingwomanwasactuallymygirl,andconsideringhowdisastrouslytheeveninghadstarted,Iwas

feelingverygratefultohavehersnuggledupnexttome.

Sheatethreeslicesofpizza.Theonlytimesheeveratealotwasaftersex—asthoughIneededto

findanotherbenefitofsexwithBecca.

“Doyouhaveeverythingyouneedforworkwithyou?”

“Yeah,Ihaveanoutfit.”

“Okay,good.Otherwise,wewererunningbyyourplacetopicksomethingup.Ineedyoutonight.”

“Youneedme?Ithinkit’stheotherwayaround.”

“No,definitelynot.”

“Let’sjustsaywebothneedeachothertonight…”

“I’lltakethat.”

Wewerejustcleaningthedisheswhenmyphonerang.“It’smyMom.”

“Getit,”Beccainsisted.

“Yousure?”

“Yeah,beforeyoumissit!”

Iwentforit,butofcourseithadalreadygonetovoicemail.

“Callherback.Iwanttotakeashoweranyway.”

“AmIinvited?”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaistpullingheragainstme.

“No,you’regoingtocallyourmom.”

“Fine…butyoumightbetakingtwoshowerstonight.”

“Gavin.”Shemovedoutofmyarms.

“Okay,okay.”Beforeshecouldwalkaway,IpulledhercloseagainsoIcouldkissher.“Havea

niceshower.”

“Ialwaysdooverhere.”

“Youknowwhat?Idon’tevencareifyou’reusingmeformybathroom,aslongasyoukeepcoming

over.”

“Good.”Sheglancedbacktogivemeaflirtatiouslook.Andsheexpectedmetocallmymom?

Isteppedoutsideonthebalcony,lettingthefreshairclearmyheadbeforeIcalled.

“Gavin?Finally.Ihaven’theardfromyouinages.”Ithadonlybeenafewweeks,butshewasthe

kindofmomwhowantedmetocalldaily.

“Hi,Ma.Sorry,I’vebeenprettybusy.”

“Toobusytocallyourmother?”

“Well,ifyouknewBecca,you’dunderstand.”IbracedmyselfforthereactionIknewwascoming.

“Becca?Youmetsomeone?Howlonghaveyoubeenseeingher?How’dyoumeet?What’sshe

like?”Thequestionsspilledout.

Ilaughed.“We’vebeendatingforabouttwomonths.”

“What?You’vebeendatingagirlfortwomonths,andI’monlyhearingaboutitnow?”

“IwantedtomakesurebeforeItoldyou.”

“Makesureofwhat?”Icouldhearthehopeinhervoice.

“Thatshe’stheone.Ididn’twanttogetyourhopesupfornoreason.”

Ihadtopullthephoneawayfromthescreaming.YouwouldhavethoughtIwasabacheloratfifty

forthewayshereacted.“Whenareyoubringingherhome?”

“Ithoughtaboutinvitinghertoyouranniversaryparty…”

“Perfect,that’sonlyafewweeksaway!Butcontinue.Iwanttoknoweverything.”

“Okay,butIdon’thavetoolong.”

“Isshethere?”

“Shelikesmyshowerbetterthanhers.”

“IamgoingtopretendIbelievethat.”

Ilaughed.“Okay,sowhatwerethoseotherquestionsagain?”Ileanedmybackagainsttherailing.

“How’dyoumeether?Isshenewintown?”

“She’sintownworkingatmyfriendMatt’slawfirmthissummer.”

“Issheanattorney?”

“AlawstudentinBoston.”

“WhatbroughthertoClaytonFalls?”

“Herbestfriend’sfromhere.RememberthatgirlIlikedlastsummer?”

“Molly,right?”

“Yeah.See,that’swhyIdidn’ttellyouaboutBeccarightaway.Ididn’twanttogiveyouanother

namefornoreason.”

“So,BeccaisMolly’sfriend.”

“Yeah.”

“Howmanymoreyearsofschooldoesshehave?”

“Justone.”

“That’swonderful.Thenyoutwoarefreetomoveanywhereaftershegraduates,evenbackhome.

AlthoughI’msurehermotherwillwantyoutomovethere.”

“Hermomactuallypassedawayrecently.She’sallalonenow.Butthat’sbesidethepoint.You’re

gettingwayaheadofyourself.”

“Butyousaidyouthinkshe’stheone.You’veneversaidthat.”

Iheardsomeserioussquealinginthebackground.“Amanda’shome?”

“Wehadthekidstonight.Shejustgotintopickthemup.”

“Itakeitsheoverheardyou.”

“Gavin?Whoisshe?”Mysisterhadgrabbedthephoneandwasclearlyoverjoyedbythenews.

“Hey,Manda,hernameisBecca,andshe’sprobablygoingtostartwonderingwhereIam,soI

can’ttalklong.”

“Oooh,she’soverthen?”

“Yes.”

“Whenareyoubringingherhome?”

“HopefullyforMomandDad’sparty.”

“Whyonlyhopefully?”

“Ihaven’tactuallyinvitedheryet.”

“I’msureshe’llbeexcited.Ican’twaittomeether.Gohavefun.”

“Iwill.TellMomgoodbyeforme.”

“Cando.”

Ihungupandwalkedbackinside,gladtohearthewaterrunning.Beccalikedlongshowers—it

lookedlikeI’dgettojoinherafterall.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Becca

“Youwantmetocomehomewithyou?”Itriedtowrapmyheadaroundthewordscomingoutof

Gavin’smouth.Istoppedshortaboutaquarterofthewaydownthebeach.

“Yeah,it’stheirforty-fifthanniversary,andtheydecideditwastheyeartocelebrate.Wecango

afterworkonFridayandcomebackSunday.”

“Isthisbecauseyoufeelbadleavingme?Becauseit’sokay.Idon’tmindspendingtheweekend

alone.ThingsarenormalwithJakeagain,soI’msurewe’llhangout.”MollyandBenwereflyingoutto

seeherfamilyinSeattle.Ihadafeelingtheyweregoingtosharethebabynews.

“Andthat’ssupposedtoconvincemeyoushouldstay?”Hisexpressionwasserious,buttherewasa

playfulnesstoitthatletmeknowhewasn’treallyworried.

Ilaughed.“Pleasedon’tstartinonJakeagain.”

“Iwon’t.Butyou’llcomewithme,right?”

“Idon’tknow,Gavin.Doesn’titseemalittleearlyforthissortofthing?Wehaven’tevenknown

eachotherthatlong.”Thingsweremovingfast—almosttoofast.

“It’sjustaweekend.Twonights.Iwantyoutomeetmyfamily,andthat’sgoingtobehardtodo

onceyougobacktoBoston.”

Healwaystalkedlikeitwasassumedthingswouldworkwithmegoingback,butIwasn’tsosure.I

hadnoexperiencewithrelationships,letalonelongdistanceones.Itwasn’tgoingtobeeasy.

“Please.”Hestoppedwalking,andtookmyhand.“Please.”

Thatpuppydogfacewasimpossibletosay‘no’to.“Ifyoureallywantmeto…”

“Really?That’sawesome.Everyone’sgoingtobesoexcited.”Hepulledmeagainsthim,kissing

megently.

Talkingaboutmeetinghisfamilymademealittletense.“Areyouokay?”

Isuddenlyfeltvulnerable,andmymother’swordsflowedthroughmyhead.“Youcannevertrust

anyonebutyourself.”Icouldn’tdoit—Icouldn’ttakesuchabigstepforward.“Idon’tthinkIcangowith

you.I’msorry.”

“Nuhuh.Nobackingoutnow.It’sgoingtobefun.”

“Youcan’tbesureofthat.”Istartedtopanic.

“Yes,Ican.”Hestillhadn’tdroppedhisarms.

“Okay,howaboutwedriveseparately?Thatwayifyourfamilyhatesme,Icanleave.”

“What?”Helaugheddeepinhischest.“Pleasetellmethat’sajoke.”

“No…It’sonlyafivehourdrive.Idon’tminddoingitmyself.”

HedroppedMax’sleash.“Becca,we’renotdrivingseparately,andmyfamilyisgoingtoloveyou.

Ihaveabetteridea.”

“What?”

“Howaboutyouagreetocomeforonenight,andifyoureallywanttoleave,wecancomebacklate

Saturdayaftertheparty?Otherwise,we’llstayuntilSunday.”

IknewIwasmakinganimportantdecision.TellingGavin‘no’wouldringadeathknellforour

relationship.I’dbetellinghimIwasn’tseriousenough,andI’dlosehim.ButgoingmeantIwasopening

myselfuptobeinghurtevenmore.ItwaswithsomesurprisethatIfoundmyselfnodding.“Okay,it’sa

deal.”

“Good.”Hekissedmyforehead.“Readytoheadhome?”

Healwayssaidstufflikethat—referringtohisplaceashome,asifitwereminetoo.Iwonderedif

heknewthatpartofmewisheditwere.Itwasn’tgoingtobeeasyleavinghimattheendofthesummer.

I’dmisshim,andI’dmisshowincrediblysafeandcomfortableIalwaysfeltinhisarms.Justbeingathis

sideallowedmetolivesomuchmore.Iwasn’tlookingovermyshoulder.Iwasn’tworriedabout

anythingoranyonehurtingme.

“Sure.Let’sgo.”

***

“Becca,we’realmostthere.”Gavinnudgedme,speakingsoftly.

Iyawnedandstretched.“Wow,Iwasoutawhile,huh?”

Helaughed.“Yeah,butthat’sokay.Thewayyoutossedandturnedlastnight,Idoubtyougotmuch

sleep.”

“No.Iwasprettynervous.”

“Ifigured,butthere’snothingtobenervousabout.”

“That’seasyforyoutosay.”Itriedtogetoutacrickinmyneck.Sleepinginthecarwasn’talways

thebestidea.“Iknowyoudidn’twanttodothis,butI’mgladyouagreedtocome.It’simportanttome.”

“You’vemadethatclear.”

Hereachedoverandtookmyhand.“We’redoingthistogether.I’mnotgoingtodumpyouatmy

houseandrunoranything,Ipromise.I’llbewithyouthewholetime.”

Iforcedasmile.“Okay,let’sdothis.”

Gavinpulledintoalongdrivewayinfrontofalarge,white,colonialstylehouse.“Thisisit.Home

sweethome.”

Iunbuckledmyseatbelt,butwasstillsittingtherewhenGavincamearoundandopenedmydoor.

He’dalreadypulledourstuffoutoftheback.“You’renotgoingtostayinthecarallnight,areyou?”

“They’rehere!”Awoman’svoicebrokethroughthequietnight.Gavinhelpedmedown,andI

grabbedmypursebeforehecouldclosethedoor.

“Hi,Ma.”Litonlybyafewoutsidelights,itwashardtogetagreatlookatthewomaninfrontof

me,butIdidnoticethewayGavinhuggedher.Hedefinitelylovedhismom.

“AndthismustbeBecca.”Shesteppedintothelightandsmiledwarmly,pullingmeintoahugas

well.“It’ssonicetohaveyouhere.”

“Thanksforhavingme,Mrs.Powell.”Iwassonotusedtothis.I’msuremynervesshowed.

“It’sAnnie.JustAnnie.”

Ismiled.Iwastoonervoustoknowwhattosay.IpulledmybagoutofGavin’shand.

“I’llhelpyouwiththat.”AmanastallasGavincameoutofthehouseandtookmybag.

“Hey,Dad.”Theyexchangedahug.

“Dad,thisisBecca.”

“Hi,Becca,it’ssonicetofinallymeetyou.”Hereachedoutahand.“I’mTodd.”

“It’snicetomeetyoutoo.”Ismiledpolitely.IfeltGavin’sstronghandonmybackofferingcomfort.

“Let’sgoinside,shallwe?”Anniesuggested.

“Greatidea.”GavinkepthishandonmybackasIfollowedhismotherupthefrontsteps.

Wewalkedintothelargefoyer,andmyeyeswentimmediatelytothefamilyportraitsliningthe

walls.IknewGavinhadabigfamily,butitwasdifferenttoseeit.Fourkids—sodifferentfromhowI

grewup.

“IsetBeccaupinBrody’sroom.Thatwayshe’llberightnexttoyou.”

“Isn’thecominghome?”Gavinsoundedprettydisappointedasheaskedabouthisyoungestbrother.

I’dgrilledGavinabouttheentirefamily.

“No,he’sstayingupatUGAfortherestofthesummer.”

“Oh.Well,hopefullyI’llmakeitupthereforavisitsoon.”

AnnietouchedGavin’sarmaffectionately.Sheusedherotherhandtobrushsomeofhercurly

brownhairoffhershoulder.“Whydon’tyoutwogetsettled,andthenmaybewecanalltalkandcatchup

abitbeforebed.ItoldAmandaandDavidtowaituntiltomorrowtocomeby.Ididn’twanttooverwhelm

Beccaonherfirstnight.”Iappreciatedthethoughtfulness.Itwasalreadyteno’clock,andIwas

exhausted.

“Allright.”Gavinpickedupbothofourbagsandheadeduptwoflightsofstairs.Atthetopofthe

secondflightwasasmallhallwayandtwodoors.

Gavinopenedupthedoorontheright.“Here’sBrody’sroomwhereyou’retechnicallystaying.”

“Technically?”

Hedroppedourluggageinthehallway.“Momdidn’twanttooutrightputusinaroomtogether,but

shewantedtogiveusprivacy.”

“Iftheydon’twantussharingaroom,we’renotsharingaroom.”Ipickedupmybagandmoved

intoBrody’sbedroom.Pushedupagainstthebackwallwasadoublebedwitharedcheckeredcomforter.

“Seriously?”Gavinstoodinthedoorway.“Theyreallydon’tcare.”

“Yeah,seriously.”Whatifhismomcameupstairs?Iwasn’tdealingwiththat.

“Youactuallycarewhatmymomthinks,don’tyou?”Hesmiled.“I’mglad,soI’mnotgoingto

argueeventhoughit’sgoingtobehardtosleepinthenextroom.Theseroomsshareabathroom.”He

openedadooracrossfromthebed.

“Oh,cool.”

“Ifyouchangeyourmindlater,youcancomejoinmeanytime.”Hegrinnedbeforeknockingme

downonthebedandhoveringoverme.“OrmaybeI’lljustcomevisityou.”

Ashislipsfoundmyneck,IknewIhadtopushhimoff.“Gavin,yourparentsarewaiting

downstairs.”

“Okay,okay.”Hemovedoffme,takingmyhandtohelpmeup.

“Ijustneedtousethebathroomrealquick.”

“Sure,doyouwantmetowait,orshouldImeetyoudownthere?”Heranahandthroughhishair.

“Youcangoahead.I’llfindmyway.”

“Allright.”Hekissedmycheekbeforewalkingout.

Iusedthebathroomquicklyandtiedbackmyhair.Obviously,hisparentshadalreadyseenme,butI

wantedtoatleastmakemyselflookalittlebitmorepresentable.

Iclimbedbackdownthestairsandfollowedthevoicesintoacozyden.Gavinwaseatinga

sandwich—nosurprisethere.

“Wouldyoulikesomethingtoeat?”Annieofferedmeaplatewithseveralsandwiches.

“No,thankyou,weatedinnerontheroad.”IglancedatGavinasIsaidit.

“What?Weatehoursago.”

Ismiled.“Iknow.”

Anniesetdowntheplate.“Gavintoldusyou’reabouttostartyourlastyearoflawschool.”

“Yeah,I’mdefinitelyreadytobedone.”

“Doyouknowwhatkindoflawyouwanttopractice?”Shecrossedherlegs,settlingintoanarm

chair.

“Iwanttodocriminal,ideallyasaprosecutor,butwe’llsee.”

“I’dbesointimidatedtodocriminallaw.It’sgottobesomuchpressure.”Anniestudiedmyface.

Forthefirsttimethatevening,IfeltlikeIwasbeingassessed.

“Thereis,butit’simportanttome.”ItriednottodwellonthefactthatIstillhadnoideawhereI

wasgoingtoworkaftergraduation.

“Youtwoaregoingtomakequitethecrimefightingduo,aren’tyou?”Gavin’sdadchuckled.

“IguessInevereventhoughtaboutthat.”Iyawned,coveringmymouthjustintime.

Gavingentlysqueezedmyshoulder.Icouldbarelykeepmyeyesopen.

“Youcangoontobedifyouwant,Becca.Iknowit’slate.I’msorrywekeptyouup,butwe’rejust

soexcitedtohaveyouhere.Gavin’sneverbroughtanyonehomebefore,”Anniesaidquietly.

“Oh,Idon’tmind.It’sbeennicetotalk,butIthinkI’mgoingtoturnin.”

“Allright,I’llbeupinalittlebit,”Gavinsaid.

“I’llseeyouinthemorning,”Isaidpointedly,wantingtomakesurehisparentsknewwewere

sleepinginseparaterooms.“Goodnight,everyone.”

“Goodnight,Becca,”Anniesaidwarmly.

“Goodnight.”Toddwaved.

Ichangedintoacomfortablesetofshortandcamipjsandwashedup.Islidintobed,hesitanttoturn

offthelamp.Icontemplatedleavingiton,butIknewifGavinsawitonandcamein,he’dprobablystay,

andIreallywasn’tgoingtodothatinhisparents’house.

“Icandothis,”Itoldmyself.Iturnedoffthelight,anditterrifiedmeatfirst.Ipickedupmycell

phoneafewtimestogettheillumination,butthenIheardGavincomeupstairs.Somehow,justknowing

hewasnextdoorhelped.Iheardwaterruninthebathroomandthenthedoortomyroomopened.Iknew

hewascomingintocheckonme.

“Goodnight,”hewhispered,kissingmyhead.Thedoorclosedquietlyashelefttheroom.

Eventually,Imusthavedriftedofftosleep.

***

Iwokeupwithastartasbrightlightburnedmyeyes.Thescreamcaughtinmythroatasalargeman

walkedtowardthebed.

“Ifcominghomemeansfindingabeautifulgirlinmybed,I’mdoingitmoreoften.”

IpulledthesheetuphigherasItriedtowakeupenoughtorealizewhatwashappening.“Areyou

Brody?”Therewasnootherexplanation,andhedefinitelylookedlikehispicture.

“Yes,”hesaidinanamusedvoice.“Andyouare?”

“Becca.I’m,uh,Gavin’sgirlfriend.”

“It’snicetomeetyou,Becca,butisthereanyreasonyou’renotinhisroom?”

“Becausehe’sinthere…”

“Youdidsayyou’rehisgirlfriend…oh,you’reoneofthose.”Henoddedasifeverythingsuddenly

madesense.

“Excuseme?”

“Imean,it’scool.I’veknownplentyofwaittillmarriagegirls.”

“Ohno.That’snotit.”Idon’tknowwhyIwassoquicktocorrecthim.MaybebecauseIfinally

could.“Ijustfeltweirdinyourparents’house.”

“Oh.”Aslowgrinspreadacrosshisface.“Okay,goodbecauseIdon’tknowhowmybrothercould

keephishandsoffyouotherwise.”

I’msureIturnedbeetred.“ButI’llobviouslygetoutofyourbed.Yourmomsaidyouweren’t

coming.”

“Idecidedtosurpriseher.Butdon’tworryaboutit.I’llgocrashdownstairs.”

“No,thisisyourroom.”Igotoutofbed,puttingthepileofclothesI’dwornthatdaybackinmybag

soIcouldmoveitallout.

“Seriously,Becca.Idon’tmind.UsuallyI’dbemadforgettingbootedfrommyroom,butIcan

makeanexceptionforyou.”

“Brody?”Gavinwalkedbackinthroughthebathroom.Hewaswearingnothingbutboxers—the

mostclothingheeverworetobed.

“Hey,man.I’vejustbeengettingtoknowyourgirlfriendhere.”

Apanickedlookcrossedhisface,andIrealizedGavinwasworriedabouthowIwastakingallof

this.HavingastrangeguywalkintotheroomwhereIwassleepingwouldnaturallymesswithme.

“I’mfine.”Ismiledtoreassurehim.ItwasatestamenttohowincrediblysafeIfeltwithGavinthat

Ihadn’tfreakedoutmore.

Brodylookedbetweenthetwoofus,probablytryingtofigureoutwhatImeant.

“Iwanttocatchup,butit’slate.IwasjusttellingBeccaI’llgodownstairs.”

“Noway.Beccawilljustcomesleepwithme.”Ididn’tfailtonoticetheself-satisfiedgrinonhis

face.“Iwasgoingtocomeoverandgetheranyway.”

Brodylaughed.“Ican’tsayIblameyou.”

Gavinbentdownandpickedupmynewlyrepackedbag.“Ready?”

“Sure.”Iwastooexhaustedtoargue.Besides,Ididn’treallywanttosearchoutanotherplaceto

sleep.

IfollowedGavinbackthroughthebathroomandintohisroom.ItwasamirrorimageofBrody’s

room,excepthisbedhadabluecomforter.Healsohadawholeline-upoftrophiesonthetopofhis

dresser.Iknewwithoutlookingcloselythattheywereallforbaseball.

Gavinpulledbackthecomforteronmysideofthebed,andIslippedin.Amomentlater,heturned

offthelampandpulledmeintohisarms.“Somuchbetter.Nowyou’rewhereyoubelong.”

Isnuggledintohim,layingmyheadonhischest.“Ihappentolikethisplace.”

“Good,becauseyou’regoingtobespendingalotoftimehere.”Iknewhewasn’ttalkingabouthis

childhoodbedroom.

Somehow,inthedark,hislipsfoundmine.

Ipulledaway.“Gavin?”

“Hmm.”

“We’reinyourparents’house.”

“Inotherwords,don’tgettooexcited?”

“Exactly.”

“Fine.I’llbegood.Ijustneedyouinmyarms.”Iknewwhathemeant.I’dbecomesousedto

spendingnightstogetherthatIdidn’tknowwhatwasgoingtohappenwhenIleft.Itriedtoshakeawaythe

thought.Therewasnopointdwellingonityet.

“Goodnight,”Isaidquietlybeforesnugglingintohimagainanddriftingofftosleep.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Gavin

Beccawasrightwhereshebelonged:wrappedinmyarms.ItwascrazyhowquicklyIgotusedto

havinghersleepnexttome.Ifeltliketherewassomethingmissingwhenevershemademesleepalone,

whichwasstillacoupletimesaweek.Iletitgo,sensingitwasn’tsomethingshewantedtobudgeon.

TherewassomethingreallycomfortingabouthavingBeccainmychildhoodhome,especiallyinmy

childhoodbed.Itfeltasifwewerecementingourrelationshiporsomething.She’dbeenreallynervous

aboutcomingbackwithme,butIhopedshe’drelaxandhaveagoodtime.

Shetensedinmyarms,soIpulledherintighter.Ihadafeelingsomeofherunrestcamefrom

havingmylittlebrotherbarginginonherlikethat.She’dlookedfinebythetimeIgotthere,butI’msureit

broughtbackunwantedmemories.

SheseemedtogetalongwithBrody.Icouldn’tbelieveitwhenIwalkedintotheroomandsawhim

standingtherewithher.I’msureshewasterrified.Iwasmadatmyselffornotwakingupsooner.

Beccarelaxedagain,andafewminuteslatershemumbledmyname.I’msureIhadaridiculous

grinonmyface.Ilovedthatshedreamedaboutme.Idefinitelydreamedabouther.Ineededtosleep,butI

wasstilltooampedup.IthoughtovertheconversationI’dhadwithmyparentsafterBeccawenttobed.

***

“She’slovely.”MommovedfromanarmchairtotakeaseatinthespotonthecouchBeccahadjust

vacated.

“Isn’tshe?”

“She’sdefinitelyabeauty.”ThatwasactuallyalotcomingfromDad.Hedidn’ttalkmuch.“And

sheseemssweet.”

“Butthere’sasadnessinhertoo.Howlongagodidyousayshelosthermother?”Momasked.

“Shediedthiswinter.”

“Andherfather’snotinthepicture?”

“No.Heleftwhenshewasjustakid.”Idecidedtoleaveouthisrecentreappearance.

“Well,Icanseewhyyou’vefallenforher.Ilikeyoutogether.Youcomplementeachother.”Iknew

myMommeantit.Ifshedidn’tlikeBecca,I’dknow.

“Nowthequestionis:whatareyougoingtodotomakesureyoukeepher?”Momshiftedsoshe

couldlookrightatme.

“YoumeanwithhergoingbacktoBoston?”Ihatedtoeventhinkaboutit.

“Yes.Whatareyougoingtodo?”sherepeatedherquestion.

“I’mnotsureyet,butwe’llmakeitwork.I’mnotlettinggo.”

“Goodforyou.Don’tbeafraidtotakeachance.Iknowyou’vebeenhurt,butthatdoesn’tmeanyou

shouldbeafraid.”MomlookedatDadforagreement.

Dadgaveit.“Ifthegirl’sasspecialtoyouasIthinksheis,she’sworththerisk.”

“I’mnotafraid.Ibroughtherhome,didn’tI?”IwastiredofeveryoneactinglikeIwasn’tover

Dawn.I’dbeenoverherfromthemomentshe’dleft.Ijustdidn’tfeellikebeingsomegirl’sdoormatever

again.

“Thatyoudid.”Mompattedmylegbeforestandingup.“It’slate.Ithinkweshouldallheadonupto

bed.”

“Soundsgood.Goodnight.”IhuggedMomandwavedgoodbyetoDad.Iwasdisappointedto

discoverthatBeccareallywasn’tsleepinginmybed.Atleastitallworkedoutintheend.

***

Beccamumbledagain,curlingupinmyarms.Iclosedmyeyesandjustenjoyedhercloseness.

Finally,Icalmeddownenoughtosleep.

***

Beccawasn’tinbedwhenIwokeup.Ipattedheremptysideofthemattress,disappointedwhenI

justtouchedair.IthrewonsomeclothesandranintoBrodyonthewaydownthestairs.

“Sleepwell?”heaskedwithasmirk.

“Verywell.”

“Ibet.”

“Nicejobscaringmygirlfriend.”Itwasn’thisfault,butthatdidn’tmeanIwassupposedtobe

happyaboutit.

“HowthehellwasIsupposedtoknowshewasinmybed?”Hegrinned.

“Okay,don’tsayitlikethatagain.”Ididn’tneedtothinkaboutBeccainanyone’sbedbutmyown.

Helaughed.“Youdoseemtoalwaysgetthegorgeousones,man.”

“It’sdefinitelytruethistime.Becca’sperfection.”

“Perfection?Howfargoneareyou?”

“Far.”

IheardBeccaandmymomlaughingfromthebackporch,soIpouredmyselfacupofblackcoffee

andheadedout.

“Goodmorning.”IkissedBeccaonthecheekandtookaseatnexttoherontheporchswing.She

hadherbarefeettuckedupunderher.Ilovedhowcomfortablesheseemed.

“Morning.”Sherestedherheadonmyshoulder.“It’sabouttimeyougotup.”

“Youcouldhavetoldmeyouweregoingdown.”

“Youlookedsopeaceful.”

Ireflectedforasecondonhownonchalantshewasaboutussleepingtogether.She’dcertainly

changedhertune.

“Where’sthatbrotherofyours?”Mominterrupted.

“I’mrighthere.”Brodywalkedout,takingabiteoutofastrawberryPopTart.Hewasstillsucha

kidsometimes.

“I’dyellatyouforslinkinginlikethatlastnight,butI’mjustsogladyoumadeit.”Momgotupand

gaveBrodyahugehug.Hehadtobenddownforit.“Howlonghaveyoubeenup?”Isippedmycoffee,

stillgettingusedtoseeingBeccaonmyporch.

“Nottoolong.Maybeanhour.”

“Anhour?Whathaveyoubeendoing?”

Sheshrugged.“Justtalkingtoyourmom.I’vedefinitelyheardsomegoodstoriesaboutyouasa

kid.”

Igroaned.“Oh,no.”

Momputheremptycoffeecuponthesidetable.“Stopit.Wewerejustgettingtoknoweachother

better.Itwaspleasantgettingtotalkwithoutanyinterruptions.”

“Ibet.”IshiftedmycoffeeintomylefthandsoIcouldputmyarmaroundBecca.“What’stheplan

fortoday,boss?”MomalwayshateditwhenIcalledherthat,butitwastrue.SheranthingsatthePowell

house.

“Thepartyisatseven,soI’llneedyouallreadybysixthirty.Otherwise,thedayisopen.Ithinkthe

restofthecrewwillbeoverinanhourorso.”

“Thecrew?That’swhatyoucallyourchildrennow?”Iteased.

“NowthatI’vegotfivegrandchildrenthrowninthemix,it’sanappropriateterm.”Shebeamed,

lettingusknowjusthowproudshewas.

Istillhadtoteaseher.“Areyoucomplaining?”

“No,youknowI’mreadyformore.”Shelookedatmewhenshesaidit.Brodywasonlytwenty-

two.Hestillhadafewyearsbeforeshegotonhiscaseaboutit.Accordingtomyfamily,twenty-seven

wasancient.

“IthinkImightgotakeashower.”Beccasatforward,upsettingmyarm.

“Okay,Ithinkyou’llfindeverythingyouneedinyourbathroom.”Momsnappedintohostessmode.

“I’msure.Thanks.”Beccaheadedinsidewithasmallwave.Sheseemedreallynervousagain.

“Thisisalotforhertotakein,huh?”Thatwasasurprisinglyperceptivecommentcomingfrom

Brody.

“She’sanonlychildofasinglemom,soyeah,abigfamilyisabitofaforeignconcept,butshe’ll

befine.”Ifinishedmycoffee,settingdowntheemptymugontheswingbesideme.

“FinewithAmanda,David,andeveryone,orfinewhenfiftyguestsarrivelater?”Brodypolished

offhissecondPopTart.

“Both.I’lljustmakesurenottoleaveheralonetoomuch.”

Momscowled.“Shewon’tappreciatebeingbaby-sat.Giveheranyspacesheneeds.She’llbe

okay.”

Iwaitedaboutahalfhourbeforeheadingupstairs.Beccasatonthebedblowdryingherhair.Iwas

surprised.Sherarelytookthetimetodothat.Iguessshewastryingtolooknicefortheparty.Sheneedn’t

haveworried.Shealwayslookedamazing.

Shehadn’theardmeenteroverthenoiseoftheblowdryer,soIsnuckuponher.

“Arrgh.”Shejumpedoffthebed,flingingtheblowdryerintheprocess.“Wasthatnecessary?”

“Absolutely.”IknewIhadn’treallyscaredher,andIbrushedsomenearlydriedhairawayfromher

face.

“Areyougoingtoshower?”Sheretrievedthedryer,probablygettingreadytoturnitbackon.

“That’stheplan.”

“Okay,I’llwaithere.”

“Youdon’thaveto…”Iwasn’tsureifshewassuggestingitformeorforher.

“Iwantto.Ineedtogooversomethingswithyou.”Shesoundedserious,butshedidn’tseemupset,

soIfigureditcouldn’tbetoobigofadeal.

“Allright.Beoutinasec.”

Itookafastshower.Ididn’twanttoleaveherwaitingtoolong.WhenIcameouttogetdressed,she

loungedonmybedandstaredoutthewindow.

“Howareyoudoing?”

Shelookedtowardmewithaslowsmilespreadingacrossherlips.“Youlooktoogoodlikethat.”

“Likewhat?”IfeignedinnocenceasIstoodwithatowelwrappedaroundmywaist.

“Ifweweren’tinyourparents’house…”

“Youwon’tbeabletousethatexcusecomeSunday.”

“Iknow.”Shelookedaway.ShealwayslookedawaywhenIchanged,likeshewantedtogiveme

privacyorsomething.I,ontheotherhand,watchedherlikeahawk.Icouldn’tgetenoughofseeingher

body.

“I’mdecent.”

Shesatupandcrossedherlegs.“Okay,soIneedtomakesureIhavethis.Amandaismarriedto

Mark,andtheirkidsareCarrieandAndrew.YourbrotherDavidismarriedtoDebbie,andtheyhave

Jason,Melanie,andKaren?”

Ilaughed.“Yup,goodmemory.”

Shetookadeepbreath.“Okay,Icandothis.”

Itookaseatnexttoheronthebed.“It’snotthatbigofadeal.Relax.”

“Notthatbigofadeal?Youdragmebackhereandhavethenervetosaythat?”Hervoicewent

veryhigh.Shewasreallyworkedup.

Okay,obviouslyItookthewrongapproach.“Ididn’tmeanitlikethat.It’sjustthey’renot

intimidatingpeople,andthey’llloveyou.”

“We’llsee.”Shestoodup,smoothinghernavyt-shirtdownoverthetopofherkhakishorts.

“Youready?”Ilethertakemyhandtopullmeoffthebed.

“Sure.”

Thesoundofkidsyellingoutsidemeantatleastoneofmysiblingshadarrived.Ireallyhoped

they’dbeontheirbestbehavior.

***

“Idon’tthinkmygirlsaregoingtolethergohome,”Davidjoked,leaningbackinanAdirondack

chairasmybrothersandIwatchedBeccaplaywithmynieces.

“Yeah,Ithinkshewonthemoverwiththosebraids.”ThegirlshadgonewildwhenBeccamade

thesecross-overbraidthingsforthem.Shecalledthembraidheadbandsorsomethinglikethat.

“She’sobviouslygoodwithkids,”Davidpointedout.

“That’sdefinitelytrue.”Sheseemedtobehavingasmuchfunastheywere.She’dalsohadfun

kickingthesoccerballaroundwithmynephews.Mysisterandsister-in-lawwereasunathleticasthey

come,soIthinkmynephewsweresurprisedtomeetagirlwhoknewhowtoplay.

Davidcrackedhisknucklesinthatannoyingwayhealwaysdid.“So,yougoingtotellushowyou

endedupwiththisgirl?Shealmostseemstoogoodtobetrue.”

“It’salongstory.”

Brodytossedafootballupintheairoverandover.“We’vegottime.”

“FirstItriedtostayaway,thenIfuckedup,andthenImiraculouslygotasecondchance.”Outof

habit,Ilookedaroundtomakesuremymotherhadn’theardme.Cursingwaspracticallyacapitalcrimein

herhouse.

Brodycaughttheball,holdingitthistime.“Whatdidyoudo?”

“Nothingworthrepeating.”

“No,youdon’t.Spititout,bro.”Davidwasnowatfullattention.

Iletoutadeepbreath.“Isleptwithherandtoldherweshouldpretenditneverhappened.”

“Pleasetellmeyou’rejoking.”DavidstaredatmelikeIhadtwoheads.

“Afraidnot.LikeIsaid,it’samazingshegavemeanotherchance.”

“Puttingeverythingelseaside,why’dyousaysomethingsostupid?Itobviouslycouldn’thavebeen

thatbad,oryouwouldn’thaveherherenow…”Brodystartedupwiththedamnballagain.

“Iknewshewasonlyintownforthesummer.Ifiguredit’swhatshewanted.”

“Butitwasn’t…”Davidtrailedoff.

“No.Anditgetsworse.”

“Worse?”

IfiguredImightaswelllayitalloutthere.Iusuallytoldmybrotherseverything.“Iwasherfirst.”I

preferredtothinkofitthatway,andsodidBecca.Whathappenedtoheratseventeendidn’tchangethatI

wasthefirstoneshegaveherselfto—evenifshewasincrediblydrunk.

“Letmegetthisstraight.Youhookupwithagorgeousvirginandthentellhertohittheroad?And

I’musuallythescrewup.”Brodylaugheddryly.

“Iknow.”

“Andhow’dyougetherback?”Davidranahandthroughhisthickbrownhair.

“Igothercarfixed,tookherouttolunch,gothersomeflowers,andtookcareofadrunkard.”I

smiled.Istillcouldn’tbelievehowluckyI’dgotten.

“Whatchangedyourmind?”Brodysettheballasideonceagain.

“About?”

“Comeon,abouther.Whathappenedtoheronlybeingintownforthesummer?”hecontinued.

“Icouldn’tresisther.Iwantedmore,andthenIgotmore,andIneededmore.Youknow?”

“Yeah.Igetthat.”Davidsmiled,leaningback.

Ilookedoutintotheyard,unabletotakemyeyesoffBecca.

ChapterTwenty-Nine

Becca

IwasmakingfriendshipbraceletswithGavin’sthreenieceswhenhissisterAmandaaskedifI

wantedtotakeawalkwithher.Iknewitwasjustanexcusetointerrogateme,butIagreedanyway.I

didn’treallythinkIhadachoice,soIgotupandfollowedher.

Iwasexhaustedandstillhadapartytogetthrough.ThedaywentbetterthanI’dexpected.Ispent

mostofitplayingwiththekids.Whenindoubtinasocialsituation,spendingtimewithkidsistheanswer.

IwonderedifGavinknewhowluckyhewas.Hehadsuchalovingfamily.Ilikedthemall,evenifthey

didseemalittleoverbearingattimes.

WewerebarelyoutoftheyardwhenAmandastartedin.“How’dyouandmybrothermeet?I

haven’tbeenabletotalktohimmuchtoday.”Herblondhairmadeherstandoutfromtherestofher

family.Iwonderedifitwashernaturalcolor.

“Heactuallyhelpedmeoutwhenmycarbrokedown.”

“Seriously?That’skindofromantic.”

Romantic?I’dneverthoughtofitthatway…butthatwasprobablybecauseofhowrudehewasto

meafter.

Theexpressiononmyfacemusthavegivenmeaway.“Whataren’tyousaying?”

“Wedidn’texactlyhititoffimmediately.”

“Really?”

“No,weactuallyarguedquiteabit.Iinsultedhimsomehowbysayinghehadasoutherndrawl.”

Shelaughed.“Yeah,Gavhasabitofatempersometimes.”

“Thathedoes.”Hearingsquealsoflaughter,Iturnedtoseeagroupofchildrenrunningthrougha

sprinkler.Ienviedthem.Lifewassomucheasierasakid.

“Whatchangedthings?”

Ipaused.Idefinitelywasn’tgoingtogiveherthewholestory.“Iguess,intheend,wecouldn’tstay

awayfromeachother.Ithinkwebothrealizedtherewassomethingthereanddecidedtoseewhereit

went.”Iheldinabreathasabeebuzzedaroundme.IwasprettysureIwasamagnetforthem.I’dbeen

stungmoretimesthananyoneelseIknew.Afteramoment,thebeemovedon,andIletoutthebreath.

“Well,I’mgladyouguysdecidedtogiveitago.I’veneverseenhimsohappy.Ibethe’salready

thinkingabouttheringandproposal.I’msurehe’llmakeitreallyromantic.”Shegotthisfar-offlookon

herface.

Ifroze.“Proposal?Ohno,wearedefinitelynotthereyet.Maybewe’llneverbe.We’veonlybeen

togethertwomonths.”

“Hebroughtyouhome.He’splanningonmakingitpermanent.You’llbeengagedinnotime.Ican’t

wait.Doyouthinkyou’regoingtowanttogetmarriedbackhome?Becauseifyouwantithere,Debbie,

Annie,andIcantakecareofeverythingeventhoughyou’refaraway.”Shebouncedalong,seemingso

muchyoungerthanherthirtyorsoyears.

“Really,wearesonotevenclosetothatpointyet.”Ineededtogetoutofthisconversation.

“Shouldn’tweheadback?Weneedtogetready.”

“Sure.I’mgladwetalked.Icandefinitelyseewhymybrotherissocrazyaboutyou.”

“Thanks,”Imumbledandquickenedmypace.

Iwentrightupstairswhenwegotback,gladGavinwasroughhousingwithhisnephewsintheyard

anddidn’tseeme.Iwaspositivehehadn’ttoldhissisteranythingaboutusgettingmarried,butIdidn’t

likethemgettingthewrongimpression.

Ilaidoutmydress.Itwasstraplessandroyalblue.I’dnoticedthatGavinalwaysseemedtolike

whenIworethatcolor.Itiedmyhairupbeforetakingarinse-offshower.Iwasjuststeppingintomy

dresswhenGavincamein.

“Needsomehelpwiththat?”Hepulledupthezipper,kissingthebackofmyneck.

“Thanks.”Ipausedforamomenttoputonasmilebeforeturningaround.

“I’vemissedyou.IfeellikeI’vebarelyseenyoutoday.”Helookedcuteinhisredandgreen

stripedrugbyshirt.Iwasusedtothet-shirtsheworemostofthetime.

“Yeah,Iknowwhatyoumean.”Islippedawayfromhimandwentintothebathroom.Ibrushedout

myhairbeforepullingitupintoatwist.Iputonsomeminimalmakeupwhilehewatchedfromthe

doorway.

“Areyoudoingokay?”Heworeaworriedexpression.

“Yeah,ofcourse.”Imovedtoslippasthim,buthecaughtmywaistandturnedmetowardhim.

“Tellmethetruth.What’swrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Whatareyouhidingfromme?Somethingfeelsoff.”

Ismiled.“Nothing’swrongexceptthatyou’regoingtobelateifyoudon’tgetdressed.”

“Allright,allright.I’lltakeaquickshower.”

“Good.I’llseeyoudownstairs.”

“Youaren’tgoingtowait?”

“Somehow,Ithinkyou’llmanage.”

Hekissedmelightlybeforereleasinghisholdonme.“I’llseeyouinafewminutes.”

***

ThePowellshadalotoffriends,oratleastalotofpeoplewhowantedtocelebratetheir

anniversary.TheyallknewGavinandseemedexcitedtoseehe’dbroughtagirlhomewithhim.

ThemostpopularconversationtopicwasGavin’sbaseballcareer.Ilosttrackofhowmanypeople

askedhimaboutit.Hedidn’tseemtominduntilanoldcoachcameovertotalktohim.

“Hey,Gavin,howareyoudoing?YoustillinNorthCarolina?”Hehadafullheadofgrayhairand

aweatheredfacethatIguessedcamefromyearsofcoachingunderthehotGeorgiasun.

“Yeah,I’mstillthere.”

“Andwho’sthis?”

“ThisismygirlfriendBecca.Becca,thisismyhighschoolcoach,NedWallace.”

“Hi.Nicetomeetyou.”Iofferedhimmyhand,andheacceptedwithafirmhandshake.

“It’snicetomeetyoutoo.”HeturnedhisattentionbacktoGavin.“You’vedonewellforyourself,

huh?”Henoddedtowardme.

Gavinsmiled.“Yes,Idefinitelyhave.”

“Haveyoubeenplayingatall?”

Gavinstiffened,soIputahandonhisarm.

“No,nothingsincetheinjury.”

“That’stoobad.Ialwayshopedyou’dbeabletoworkthroughit.”Thecoachshiftedhisweight

fromfoottofoot.

“Itjustwasn’tmeanttobe.”

“Iguessnot,butyoulookgood,andit’snicetoseeyouagain.”Hewalkedoff.

Gavindidn’trelaxagainforawhile.Itwasobviousrunningintohiscoachbotheredhim,butI

decidednottoaskhimaboutit.Ifiguredhe’dbringituplaterifhefeltliketalking.

Gavingotintoaconversationwithsomeofhisparents’friends,andIlethisniecespullmeoffto

dance.

Ilookedaroundtheyard,marvelingatthedecor.Tealightswereeverywhere,andadancefloor

hadbeensetup.TherewasevenaDJ.I’dhaveexpectedittohavebeenawedding,notananniversary

party.Evidently,Gavin’sfamilylikedtocelebratebig.

Gavinjoinedus,soIdecidedtoaskhimaboutit.“Isthistypicalforananniversarypartyaround

here?”

“It’sallAmanda.Shelikestomakeeverythingbig.”

Ismiled.“It’snice,justsurprising.”

“Agoodkindofsurprising?”

“Yeah,agoodkind.”

Hetookmyhandandledmetowardthecenterofthedancefloor.“I’vebeenwaitingtodancewith

youallnight.”Gavincoulddance.Heheldmecloserthannecessary,butIlovedthefeelingofhisstrong

armsaroundmeaswemovedtothemusic.

Overthecourseoftheevening,Irelaxedalotmore.Idecideditwassillytoworrytoomuchabout

whatAmandasaid.Sheprobablyjustreadintothingstofindwhatshewantedtosee.Gavinhadtoldme

hefeltpressurefromhisfamilytosettledown.

Wedancedforhours,onlystoppingtogetdrinksandtochatwithafewpeople.Thingswere

startingtowinddownwhenhisbrotherDavidsaidheneededGavinforsomething.

“Doyoumind?”Gavinasked.

“Nope,goahead.”IdecidedtonabapieceofthechocolatecakeI’dbeeneyeingallnight.Istood

offtothesidewatchingthecrowddance.

“Abitoverwhelming,isn’tit?”Gavin’smothercameuptostandnexttome,eatingapieceofcake

herself.

“Notinabadway.”Ismiled.“It’salovelyparty.”

“Thankyou.Thekidsoutdidthemselvesthistime.”

“GavinsaidthisistypicalofAmanda.”

“Yeah,shelovestothrowbigparties.”Anniesmiledthinkingaboutherdaughter.“MaybeGavin

canshowyouaroundalittle.Youhaven’thadachancetoseeAugusta,haveyou?”

“Notyet.”

“Fromwhatyouhaveseen,wouldyouconsidermovinghereafteryougraduate?”Hertonewas

nonchalant,butherexpressionwasintense.Shewasdefinitelylookingforaparticularanswer.

What?WhywouldIdothat?Gavindidn’tevenlivethere.“Ihaven’treallythoughtaboutit.Itreally

dependsonwhereIgetajob.”

“Don’tyoumeanwhereyoubothgetjobs?”shelookedatmepointedly.“Don’tgetmewrong.I

thinkit’swonderfulhowcareerorientedyouare,butGavin’sgoingtoneedajobtoo.”

“Hehasajob…”

“InClaytonFalls,butyoujustsaidyouweren’tsurewhereyouwantedtolive.”Herexpression

softened.IwonderedifI’dimaginedtheintensityfromamomentearlier.

Ididn’tevenknowwhattosay.IcouldignoreAmanda,butnowGavin’smotherimpliedwewere

gettingmarried,oratleastseriouslyplanningonsomethinglongterm.

“Nottopushyou,butwithyouworking,youaregoingtoneedchildcare.That’ssomethingI’dbe

morethanhappytotakeonifyoutwodecidetosettlebackhere.”Shesmiledwarmly,andIwantedto

disappear.

“Childcare?”

Shelaughed.“Don’tlooksoshocked.Youtwoaren’tbabies.I’msureyouwon’twaittoolong.”

“Canyouexcuseme?”Ineededair.Imighthavebeenoutside,butifIdidn’tgetawayfromGavin’s

mom,Imightsaysomethingreallystupid.

Iputdownmycakeplateandwalkedawayfromthemainpartoftheyard.I’dnoticedagazebo

furtheroutanddecidedtoheadthere.Unfortunately,itwasn’tempty.

“Hey.Neededabreaktoo?”Brodygreetedme,scootingoveronthesmallbenchtogivemeaplace

tosit.

Itookaseat.“Idid,butI’mguessingyou’renothereforthesamereasonasme.”

Hechuckled.“Notunlessyou’retiredofbeinggrilledbyeveryoneaboutwhatyou’redoingwith

yourlife.”

“Notinthesamewayyouare.”Butitwasn’tfaroff.

Heturnedtome.“Explainthatcomment.”

“First,answeraquestionforme.WhatdoyouthinkitmeansthatGavinaskedmetocomehomefor

thisparty?”

“Thathelikesyouandwantedtointroduceyoutous…”Helookedatmeasifhethoughtitwasa

trickquestion.

“Okay,good.That’sexactlywhatIthink.”

“Didsomeoneelsesuggestsomethingdifferent?”

“AmandaandyourmomseemtothinkGavin’sthinkingmarriage.”

“Doesthatscareyou?”Hestudiedme,butnotinajudgmentalway.

“Yes.”

“Honest.Ilikethat.Anyparticularreasonwhy?IsitjustingeneralorthethoughtofitwithGavin?”

WewerefarenoughfromthemusicthatIcouldhearcricketschirping.

“Ingeneral,”Iansweredquickly.“It’snotsomethingevenonmymindyet.Ineedtofinishschool,

findajob,getestablished.There’ssomuchtodobeforegettingmarriedandofcoursehavingkids.”I

wasn’tevensureifI’deverhavekids,sotalkingaboutitasifitwasinevitableandhappeningsoonwas

waytoomuchtohandle.

“Ohno.Momwentinonkids,didn’tshe?”

Ismiled.“Sheofferedherservicesforchildcare.”

Heshookhishead.“Ignoreher.You’dthinkfivegrandchildrenwouldbeenoughtoholdherover.”

“Itdoesn’tseemlikeit.”

“Iwouldn’tletitgettoyou.IsGavinseriousaboutyou?Yes.Buthe’llletyousetthepace.Justtalk

tohimifit’sanissue.”

“Idon’twanttobringitupifyourfamilyiswrong.Idon’twanthimtothinkI’mpushingforit.”

“Welleitherway,Ithinkyou’llbefine.”Hestoppedsuddenly,lookingpastmeintothedark.“I’ll

seeyouaround.”

Itdidn’ttakemelongtoseewhatsenthimonhisway.Gavinnoddedtohisbrotherbefore

immediatelytakinghisspotonthebench.“Thereyouare.I’vebeenlookingforyoueverywhere.”

“Oh,sorry.Ijustneededabreak.”

“WereyouandBrodytalkingaboutanythinginteresting?”

“Nothingmajor.”Ifheonlyknew.

“Butyou’reallright?Youseemedfinewhenweweredancing,butnowyouseemweirdagain.”

“Pleasestopworrying.I’mfine.Justalittletired.”Ismiled.

“Oh.Okay.Theparty’swindingdown.”

Hetookmyhandandledmebacktothehouse.

ChapterThirty

Gavin

SomethingwaswrongwithBecca.Iwassureofit.Saturdaynightaftertheparty,shewentrightup

tobedandwasalreadyasleepbythetimeIgotthere.Shedidn’trespondtomeatallwhenIpulledher

intomyarms.

BythetimeIwokeupthenextmorning,shewasalreadypackingupherstuff.

“Hey,leavingwithoutme?”Irolledover,watchingherpack.

Shesmiled,butitseemedforced.“No,Ijustwanttomakesurewecanleaverightafterbreakfast.

I’dlovetohavesometimeathometoday.”

“Okay…I’llgetup.”

“Good.Okay,I’llseeyoudownstairs.”Sheheadedtothedoor.

“Wait.Don’tIatleastgetakissgoodmorning?”

Shewalkedbackovertothebedandkissedmeonthecheek.

“Nuhuh,youcandobetterthanthat.”Igrabbedheraroundthewaisttopullherdownnexttome.

Usuallythiswouldhavehersquealingwithlaugher.Instead,shewentstonestillandjustlookedatme.

Ikissedher,butshewasobviouslynotintoit,soIstopped.Ihopeditwasjustanxietytogetback

home,butIwasn’tsure.

ThankstoBecca’sinsistence,wegotanearlystart,andwewerebackinClaytonFallsby

midafternoon.Ifigureditwasagoodthing.We’dfinallybeabletospendsometimealone.AsIturned

thecornertowardtheMathews’shouse,IdecidedtoaskherthequestionI’dbeenmullingoverall

weekend.

“Iwasthinkingthatitmightbeniceifyoudidn’thavetoalwaysrunyourstuffbackandforth.”

“It’snotabigdeal.”

“Weonlyhaveafewmoreweeksbeforeyouleave,andI’drathernotspendnightsapartjust

becauseyoudon’twanttoworryabouthavingtherightstuffwithyouoranything.Wouldn’titbebetterto

haveeverythingatmyplace?”

“It’sjustafewweeks…there’snoreasontochangethings.”Shelookedawayfromme.

Ipulledupalongthecurb.“Becca,Iwantyouto.Don’tyouwantto?”

“Ican’tdothis.”

“Dowhat?Moveyourstuff?”

“This.It’smovingwaytoofast,whichisdumbsinceI’mleaving.”

“What’stoofast?”

“Youaskingmetomovein,orwhatever.”

“Ijustthoughtitwouldbefun.Weonlyhaveafewweeksseeingeachothereveryday.Let’smake

themostofit.”

“Isthatallitis?”

“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”Ilettheengineidle.

“I’mnotwhatyou’relookingfor.Idon’tjustwanttobesomeone’swifeandgiveupmylife.”

“Excuseme?”

“Youheardme.Don’tplaydumb.”

Icouldfeelmytemperflaring,andIsnapped.“Idon’trecallaskingyoutobemywife.”

ShelookedlikeI’dslappedher.

“Let’sendthiswhilewe’reahead.Itwouldn’thaveworkedoutanyway,”shesaidcoldly.

“Whatthehell?”Islammedmyhandsonthesteeringwheel.“What’sgoingon?”

“Ihavedreams,Gavin,andjustbecauseyoudon’twanttofollowyours,doesn’tmeanIshouldn’t

followmine.”Shestareddownatherhandsasshesaidit,unwillingtoevenmeetmyeye.

“Oh,soI’msomehowinferiortoyoubecauseI’mactuallyhappywithmylife?”

“Notinferior,justdifferent.Toodifferentfromme.Ifyou’rehappyspendingyourlifeasacopin

freakingMayberry,that’sfinewithme,butIneedtogetbacktotherealworld.”Sheopenedherdoorand

gotout,butIcouldn’tmove.Ijustsatthereasshepulledoutherbagfromthebackandslammedthedoor.

Sheglancedbackatmeoncebeforewalkingupthedriveway,butIdidn’tleave.Idon’tthinkI

movedfortwentyminutes.Icouldn’tprocesswhathadjusthappened.She’ddumpedmeonthegrounds

thatIwassomehownotgoodenoughforher.Ionlyhadonewordforherinthatmomentanditwasn’tone

Iwasproudtosay.

Idrovehome,stoppingbyTom’shousetopickupMax.

“Hey,man,howwastheweekend?”Tomaskedwhenheopenedthedoor.

“Don’task,”Ibarked,pushinginsidepasthim.“Whereishe?”

“Outback.Areyouokay?”

“Okay?No,that’snottherightword.I’mgoingtogetmydamndogandgohome.”

“Whathappened?”KellywalkedintotheroomwithMaxonhertail.

“Nothing,nothingfuckinghappened.”

“Hey,don’ttalktoKellythatway.”

“Iwasjustleaving.Thanksforwatchinghim.”IopenedthefrontdoorknowingMaxwouldfollow.

Ididn’tbotherwaitingtogethisstuff.Ihadextrasofeverythingathome.

Igunnedtheenginepullingoutofthedriveway.Ididn’twanttowatchTomandhiswife,whileI

wasonceagainthesorryloserwithnoone.

Partofmestillcouldn’tbelievewe’djusthadthatfight,andIhalfexpectedtoseeBeccasittingon

myfrontstepwhenIpulledin.Mystepswereempty.Iwentinsideandpouredmyselfadrink.Whatthe

hellhadjusthappened?Howhadourconversationgonefromhermovingintoherbreakingitoff?

Hourslater,IcalmeddownenoughtorealizethatsomethinghadtohavehappenedinAugusta,but

therewasnothingIcoulddoifshewouldn’ttalktomeaboutit.No,thiswasn’tmyfault.Shewastheone

who’dhavetoapologizeifwewereevergettingoverit.ButIknewthechancesofthatweredoubtful,

especiallywithherleavingsosoon.IthoughtabouttakingarideovertoGill’s,butRonnywould

probablybethere.Icouldn’thandlehimgloating.

Ihadn’tfeltsolowinalongtime—notsinceDawnleft.Istayedawayfromnortherngirlsfora

reason.

ChapterThirty-One

Becca

IfeltlikeI’dbeenkickedinthestomach,eventhoughIwastheonewhomadethedecisiontoendit.

IhadalreadydecidedtoletourrelationshipfadeoutwhenIleft,butI’dplannedtoenjoythelastfew

weekswehad.Thenhe’daskedmetomovein.Itscaredme.Itwouldjustmakeleavingharder.WhenI

triedtoexplainit,Gavinremindedmethathehadn’tproposed,anditjustconfusedmemore.Ididn’t

knowwhatterrifiedmemore:Gavinwantingtomovethingsforwardorhimdecidinghewasdonewith

me.Idon’tknowwhatcameoverme,butcruelwordsflewoutofmymouth.Iprettymuchcalledhima

loser.Ishouldhavetakenitbackortriedtoapologize,butIcouldn’t.Theexpressiononhisfaceletme

knowitwastoolate.Ijustgotoutofthecarandwalkedaway.

Ididn’tsleepatallthatnightanddraggedmyselfintoworkinthemorning.

“Hi,Becca.Howwasyourweekend?YouwenthomewithGavin,didn’tyou?”theolderMr.

Morgangreetedme.

“Itwasfine.Thanksforasking.”

“Woulditbeokayifwehadatalk?Thisisyourlastfullweekofwork.”

Hereitcame—theevaluation.

IfollowedJimintohisofficewhereMattalreadysat.HesmiledatmeasItookaseatinthechair

nexttohim.

“We’vebothbeenveryimpressedwithyourworkthissummer,Becca.You’vehandledeverything

professionallyandwe’repreparedtoofferyouapositionhereifit’ssomethingyou’reinterestedin.”

Washereallyofferingmeajob?Obviously,therewasnowayIwastakingit,butitwasstillcool.

“But,Ialsorealizethatyouaremoreinterestedinotherareasofthelaw,andIhappentoknowofa

positionthatmightbeabetterfit.”

“Really?”

“I’mnotsureifyouknowit,butIwenttolawschoolwiththeDAinNewHanoverCounty.”

“Really?”Nowthiswasgettinginteresting.

“Iknowtheyhavepositionstofillnextyear,andIwouldbehappytoputinagoodwordforyouif

you’dbewillingtorelocatedownhere.I’mnotsureifyouhaveanyotherreasonstomove…”Iknewhe

wastalkingaboutGavin,andItriedtoignorethepangIfeltjustthinkingabouthim.

“Wow.Thankyou.That’sreallysomethingtothinkaboutit.”

“Youdothat,andletmeknow,okay?”

“Definitely,thankyousomuch.”Atleastsomethingpositivewascomingoutofthesummer.“I

reallyappreciateyougivingmetheopportunitytoworkforyouthissummer.It’sbeenawonderful

experience.”

“Itwasourpleasure,andIhopethiswon’tbethelastweseeofyou.”

Ismiled.“I’lldefinitelyletyouknowwhatIdecideaboutthejob.”Justthinkingaboutcomingback

tovisitClaytonFallsdepressedme.NowthatGavinandIhadbrokenup,thechanceofthatwaszero

evenifIdidtakeajobinWilmington.

***

IletmyphonegotovoicemailthreetimesbeforeIfinallypickedup.“What’sgoingon?”thevoice

ontheotherendofthephonedemanded.Ihadn’trecognizedthenumberandwasalittleshockedbythe

reception.

“Whoisthis?”

“It’sBrody,andIreallywishsomeonewouldfillmeinhere.”

“Brody?How’dyougetmynumber?”

“Yougaveittomymom,remember?”

“Oh.”

“Oh?Ireallywanttogiveyouthebenefitofthedoubthere,butallIknowisthatsomehowinthe

fewdayssinceyouguysleft,you’vemanagedtodumpmybrother.”

“Yeah.Imessedup.”

“Messedup?Soyoudidn’tmeanto?I’mreallynotgettingit.”

“IgotscaredandsaidthingsIdidn’tmean.”

“Thengoapologize.He’smiserable,andyoudon’tsoundsogreatyourself.”

“Doesheknowyou’recallingme?”

“Ofcoursenot.Thisisaboutwhatwetalkedabout,isn’tit?”

“Itstartedoffthatway.”

“Whatdoyouwant?Ithink,intheend,that’swhatyouhavetofigureout.”

IcouldnotbelieveIwasbeinglecturedonrelationshipsbymyex-boyfriend’syoungerbrother.

“IwantGavin.Ican’tstopthinkingabouthim.”

“Thentellhim.Hewantsyoutoo.You’rebothjustbeingstubbornidiots.”

“Ican’tfacehim.”

“Sure,youcan.Callhim,orhell,writehimaletterforallIcare.Justdosomething.Ifyoudon’t,

I’mcomingtheremyself.”

“Isthatathreat?”Icouldn’thelplaughingalittle.

“Absolutely.It’snotthatIreallycareaboutGavin’slovelife,butheseemedhappyforthefirsttime

inyears,andIdon’tthinkhecantakegettinghisheartbrokenagain—especiallyoversomethingasstupid

asyourinsecurities.”

“Hey!Whoareyoutotalktomethisway?”

“Someonehasto,andyoudon’thaveabrothertodoit.Okay?”

“Okay.”Therewasactuallysomethingrefreshingaboutthatphonecall,asbizarreasitsounds.I

guesssometimesithelpswhensomeonepointsouttheobvious.

ThemoreIthoughtaboutit,themoretheideaofwritingaletterappealed.Itcouldn’thurt.Maybe

wecouldsalvagesomething.

AfterhangingupwithBrody,Idugoutalegalpadandwrotealetter.Ifoldeditupandsearched

aroundforanenvelope.Givingup,IendedupaskingMrs.Mathewsforone.Shedidn’taskwhatIneeded

itfor,andIdidn’ttellher.

IdroveovertoGavin’swhenIknewhewasstillatworkandmademyselfgetoutofthecarand

sliptheenvelopeunderhisdoormat.Hopefully,he’datleastreadit.

ChapterThirty-Two

Gavin

IsawsomethingwhitestickingoutfromunderthedoormatwhenIgothomefromwork.Iswipedit

beforewalkinginside.Itwaslate,butassoonasIrealizedwhoitwasfrom,Iwokeuprightaway.Imade

MaxwaitwhileIreadtheletter.

DearGavin,

Iknowthisprobablyseemsverymiddleschool,butIdidn’thavethenervetocallyou.I’msorry.

InevershouldhavesaidthethingsIdid.Iwasscared,andItookitoutonyou.There’snothingwrong

withyourlifeorwhatyoudo.I’mtheonewho’sgoingnowhere.Ihopeyou’llforgivemeeventually

andmaybeevenlookbackonwhatwehadfondly.

Allthebest,

Becca

Itwasn’tthemostamazingapologyletterever,butitwaswhatIneededtohear.Ichanged,taking

Maxtodohisbusinessoutfrontbeforerushinghimbackinside.Hecouldwaitforawalk.Ilockedup

andgotrightinthecar.

Iknockedonherdoor,impatientwhenIdidn’tgetananswer.Iknockedagain—stillnothing.Damn

it,wherecouldshebe?

“She’snothere.”Mr.Mathewscameouthisbackdoor.

“Oh.Doyouknowwheresheis?”Ihadn’tbotheredtocheckifhercarwasoutfront.

“Shewentdowntothebeach.”

“Atnight?”

“Sheaskedtoborrowaflashlight.That’sallIknow.”

“Thanks.”Igotbackinmycarandheadedtothebeach.

Inoticedhercarparkedaboutablockaway.Ismiled.Shewasmakingsuretoavoidaticketthis

time.Iparkedrightbehindhercar.

Igotoutandjoggedtherestofthedistance.NowthatIgotitinmyheadtotalktoher,Ididn’twant

towait.

Shestoodrightattheshorelinelookingupatthesky.

“Nicenightout,huh?”

Sheturnedaround,andIgotmyfirstlookatherface.She’dbeencrying.“Hi,Iguessyoureadmy

letter.”Shelookeddown.

“Yes.Thankyouforit.Iprobablyshouldhavejustcometotalktoyousooner.”

“I’mtheonewhostartedit.”Shelookedupatmelikeshewasafraidofwhatshe’dsee.

Icouldn’tstandtowatchhersoupset.Iclosedthedistancebetweenus,pullingherintoahug.“I’ve

missedyou.”

“Metoo.”

“Doyouthinkyoucangetoutofworkalittleearlytomorrow?Ineedtogosomewhere,andIwant

youtocomewithme.”

“Areyousure?”

“Absolutely.AndIpromiseithasnothingtodowithmyfamily.”

“Gavin,I’m—”

“Youalreadyapologized.Justsayyou’llcome.”

“Okay.”

Wewalkeddownthebeachtogether,andIresistedtheurgetoinviteherhomewithme.Iwantedto,

butIneededtowait.

***

Beccaalwayslookedsogooddressedup.Ipickedheruprightafterwork,andshewasstillina

fittedskirtandabluebutton-downshirt.Shedefinitelyseemedtowearbluemorenow.

“Areyougoingtotellmewherewe’regoing?”sheaskedasIdroveusoutoftown.“You’re

dressedup,soI’mgettingabitapprehensive.”

Iguessadressshirtandslackswereprettydressedupforme.

“We’regoingtoagame.”

“Agame?”

“Abaseballgame.”

“Areyoubeingintentionallyvague?”

“Maybealittle.”

“Iseverythingokay?”Sheputahandonmyleg.“Youseemstressed.”

“Yeah,I’mjustanxiousaboutsomething.”

“You’renotstillmadatme,right?”

Ilookedoverather.I’dmissedhermorethanIwantedtoadmit.“No.Iwasneverreallymad,just

upset.”

“That’snotmuchbetter.”

“Well,I’veupsetyoutoo.Iguesswe’reeven.”Iputahandonherlegthistime.

“Isthisaspecialgame?Iassumebythedirectionwe’reheadedthatwe’regoingtoaDurhamBull’s

game,butIdoubtyou’ddressupforjustaregularballgame…”

“Yeah,youcansaythat.”

“Okay,keepyoursecrets.”

Ilaughed.“It’snotabigdeal,Becca.It’sjustagameIsaidI’dgoto,andIwantedyoutocomewith

me.IthoughtyoumightwanttoseewhereIplayed.”

“Idefinitelydo!”Ilovedthatshewasactuallyexcited.Shewasn’tmakingitup.

“Okay,good.”

IgotoffatanexitIhadn’tusedinyearsandheadedintoRaleigh.Wehadafewhoursbeforethe

game,justenoughtimetograbsomedinner.Iknewexactlywheretotakeher.

“Thisusedtobemygo-toplaceforasteak.Itwasn’tasgoodasmyfavoriteplacebackhome,butit

helpedgetmethroughmyyearshere.”

“Soundsgood.”

IparkedattheAngusBarn,andwewalkedin.Icouldn’thelpnoticingthewayeveryguyinthere

checkedherout.Iwasn’tsureI’devergetusedtotheattentionBeccaattracted.Sheseemedobliviousto

it.Ilovedthatabouther.Wewereseatedinthecorner,andBeccabarelylookedathermenubefore

settingitdown.

“Youknowwhatyouwantalready?”

“Justordermewhateveryouget.”

“Seriously?”

“Completely.Youtalkedthesteakupsomuch.I’mgoingtohavetotryit.”

Shesquintedalittle.Itwasnicetoseeherbackinchallengemode.“Okay,ifyouthinkyoucaneat

it.”

“Ican.IskippedlunchsoIcouldleaveearly.I’mstarved.”

“Youskippedlunch?Whydidn’tyoupicksomethingup?”Shewasthinenough;skippingmealswas

notcool.

“Iwastryingtofinishupmylastproject.Todaywasmylastday.”

“Butyoudon’tleaveuntilnextweek…”

“TheMorganstoldmetotakeitoffandthey’reinsistingonpayingmeanyway.Kindofcrazy.Iwas

goingtojustheadhome,butnow…”Shetrailedoff,butIknewwhatshemeant.

“Don’tleavethisweekend.”

“Okay.”Shebitherbottomlip.Ihadn’tnoticedherdoingthatinawhile.

Iorderedforusbothandwaitedtoseehowshe’ddo.

Ilaughedtomyselfwhenthewaitersetdownhersteakinfrontofher.Ithadtobeatleastthirty-two

ounces.

“Heregoesnothing,”shemumbledbeforestartingtoeat.

Shetackledit.Shedidn’tactuallyfinish,butshegotclose.Webarelytalkedwhileweate.Shewas

toodetermined.

Shewipedherfacewithanapkin.“Youwereright.Thatisgood.”

Ilaughed.“Iknow.Areyouready?”

“Yes,butI’mnotsureifIcanmove.”

“Sure,youcan.”Ipaidthebill,andwewalkedout.

Wegotbackontheinterstate,andIheadedtowardDurham.Turningoff,Itookthelongroutetothe

stadium,decidingtodrivepastmyoldloft.Ialwayspickedlofts.

Iturnedintothelargeparkinglot,selectingthefirstemptyspotIcouldfind.Wemadetheshorttrek

totheentrance,andIfoundmyselfbothanxiousandsurprisinglyexcitedaboutgoinginside.Holding

Becca’shandinminedefinitelyhelped.

Icheckedinattheticketsalescounter,andtheclerktoldmetogoaround.IledBeccaandwentin

throughthesidedoorwhereweweremetbyasuit-cladmanIwassureI’dnevermetbefore.

“GavinPowell,wearesoexcitedyouwereabletomakeittonight!”

“Yeahwell,IdecidedI’dactuallymakethisone.”

Beccalookedatmequizzically.Shewasstilltryingtofigureoutwhatmadethisgameunusual.

“Thanksforgettingyourhusbandtocometonight.It’ssuchatreattohavehimhere.”

IexpectedBeccatojumpalloverthatcommentconsideringourearlierfight,butshecalmly

replied,“Justboyfriend.Hedecidedtocomeonhisown.”

“Eitherway,we’resogladhe’shere.”Theman,whostillhadn’tintroducedhimself,handedustwo

passesonlanyards.“Letmeshowyoutoyourseats.”

Wewereescortedtotwoseatsbehindthedugout,andIlovedwatchingthelookofexcitementcross

Becca’sface.Ifeltprettyexcitedmyself.Therewasjustsomethingaboutbeinginastadium.Evenwhen

baseballwasajob,theexcitementwasstillthere.

“Thisisreallycool.”Shegrinned.

“Youliketheseats?”

“Like?”

Ilaughed.ShereallydidlovebaseballasmuchasIdid.

“Doyouwantanythingtodrink?Toeat?”

“Areyoukidding?Didyounotseemeeatthatentirecow?”

“Entirecow?Notquite,butI’mgoingtogetsomepopcornanyway.”

Iranbackoutandcamebackwithpopcornandtwobeers.

TheBullswereplayingtheCharlotteKnights,andthefirstfewinningswerefairlyuneventful.

Finally,inthefourthinning,theBull’smanagedtworuns.Beccagotreallyintoit,jumpingoutofherseat

andeverything.

“Havingfun?”Iteased,puttinganarmaroundherwhenshesatbackdown.

“Yeah,butwhenareyougoingtotellmewhat’sup?Imean,whythespecialtreatment?Doall

formerplayersgetit?”

Ibitbackasmile.“Justwait.”

“Thiswholemanofmysteryactisgettingold.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?I’malwaysamanofmystery.It’snotanact.”

Shegavemethatadorablepoutofhers.“Gavin,please.”

“Justwatchthegame.”

Wegotacouplemorebeersandthegamemovedquickly.Beforelong,itwastheseventhinning

stretch.

“IthinkI’mgoingtoruntotherestroom.”Beccastartedtogetup.

“No,youshouldwait.”

“Okay.”

Shesettledbackdownjustastheannouncerstartedin.

“LadiesandGentleman,it’sthetimeoftheseasontowelcomebacksomeofourmosthonored

formerplayers.First,heledustooneofourmostsuccessfulseasonsin1992andwentontoalongand

successfulcareerofnearlytwentyyearswiththeAtlantaBraves.IwouldliketointroduceChipper

Jones.”

Thecrowdloudlyapplaudedasheslowlywalkedontothefield.Icouldfeelmynervesbeginning

tosetinastheannouncercontinued.

“Next,Ihavethepleasureofintroducingoneofthemostbelovedplayersinoursportsclub.He

holdstherecordforthemoststrikeoutsinagameandistheonlypitchertohavetwonohittersinasingle

season.PleasewelcomebackGavinPowell.”

AsIstartedtowalktothefield,theaudiencerosetotheirfeetandyelled.Icouldseetheshockon

Becca’sfaceasIletgoofherhand.

“Ourgueststodaywillbeawardedwithaplaquefortheircontributionstotheclubandwillbe

availableafterthegameforasigningevent.”

Itwasalmostsurrealbeingonthefield.Ihadn’tlookedbackwhenI’dleftthreeyearsbefore,but

standingtherethatnight,Icouldn’tbelieveI’dstayedawaysolong.

AsItookmyseatagain,Beccaleanedover.“SodoIgetanautograph?”

“Youcanhavealotmorethananautograph.”Iraisedaneyebrow.

“Really?AndIthoughtIwasjustanotheroneofyourgroupies.”

“You’llneverbejustanotheranything.Don’tforgetit.”Isettledmyhandonherlegaswewatched

therestofthegame.TheBullspulledouta4to1win,makingitanevenbetterevening.

Afterthegame,wewalkedovertoalargetentsetupbehindthefieldforameetandgreet.Iwas

worrieditwouldbeoverwhelmingforBecca,butshewasanatural.Shedidn’tevenseemflustered.For

someoneterrifiedtomeetmyfamily,shehadnoissueshangingoutwiththisgroup.

DawnusedtohatewhenIleftheraloneatevents.She’dmopearoundthewholetimeandalways

wantedmetomakeituptoherafterward.Beccaseemedtobehavingagreattime.EverytimeIlooked

overather,shewassmiling.

IsignedthelastoftheautographsandjoinedBecca.Shenibbledhappilyonsomething.

“Ithoughtyouwerenevergoingtoeatagain.”

“They’rechocolatecoveredstrawberries.Theydon’tcount.”

Ilaughed.“Okay,butthenIneedtohaveone.”

Aftereatingthreestrawberries,Inoticedafamiliarfaceheadingourway.

“Domyeyesdeceiveme,oramIactuallyinthepresenceoftheGavinPowell?”

“Gary,hey.”Ishookhandsandthenhuggedmyoldpitchingcoach.

“Andwhoisthis?”HeturnedhisattentiontoBecca.

“BeccaHarris.Nicetomeetyou.”Sheshookhishand.

“How’dyougetyourselfmessedupwiththisone?”

“Hecametomyrescue,andIhaven’tbeenabletostayawaysince.”

“Nice.Maybeyou’rethereasonhekeepsavoidingmycalls.”

“Calls?”Shelookedatmequestioningly.

“Oh,sohehasn’teventoldyou.I’vebeenonhiscaseaboutcomingouttoTampawithme.We

coulddefinitelyusehim.”

“No,hedidn’ttellmeanythingaboutit.”

Iexpectedhertogetannoyed,butshesurprisedmebyputtingherhandinmine.“He’salwaysso

modest.”

Garysmiled.“Atleastpromisetostayintouchthistime,Gavin.”

“Sure,I’lldoonebetter.I’llgiveyouacallnextweek.”

Gary’seyeswidenedinsurprise.“Youdothat.”

Weleftsoonafter.Wehadatwohourdriveback,anditwasalreadylate.Beccatookoffherheels

assoonaswegotinthecar.

“Thanksforcoming.Itwasaloteasierwithyouthere.”

“Thanksfortakingme.Thatwasreallycool.You’rereallycool.”

“I’mcool,huh?Wellyou’reprettycool,yourself.Andbytheway,thanks.”

“For?”Shefidgetedinherseatsoshecouldseemebetter.

“Idon’tknow.Beingyou,Iguess.”

“Oh.Well,it’sjustsohard,Idon’tknowhowIdoit.”

Ilaughed.

Shestartedtorunherfingersdownmyarm.Ilovedwhenshedidthat.“Idon’twanttogetinto

anything,butwhydidn’tyoutellmeaboutTampa?Imean,ifit’syourdreamandall…”

“BecauseIwasn’tready.Hell,ittookmethreeyearsjusttogobacktothatstadium.”

“Wellyouseemedrightathome.Istillcan’tbelievemyboyfriendholdstherecordforthemost

strikeoutsinagame.”

Itwasnicetohearhercallmeherboyfriend.She’dsaiditearlier,butthistimeitwasn’tbecause

someonemistakenlythoughtweweremarried.AtleastIknewwherewestoodinhereyes—thesame

placewedidinmine.

Werodeinsilenceforawhile,andIturnedofftheinterstatetowardtown.

“Ifit’sokaywithyou,youdon’tneedtodropmeoff.”

I’dthoughtshewassleepingandwaswonderinghowtoapproachthetopic.We’dbeenapartless

thanaweek,butitseemedlikeforever.Iwasn’tsurewhetherIcouldjustassumeshe’dwanttocome

homewithme,especiallyafterourfight.ButIneededher.Ineededtospendeverylastsecondwithher

beforesheleft.I’dhavetogettimeoffwork.

“It’smorethanokaywithme.”Ireachedoverandtookherhand.

Ipulledintothedriveway,feelingawholelotmorerelaxedthanIhadbeenwhenI’dleft.Wetook

Maxforawalkbeforecomingbackandsettlingintoourusualspotsonthecouch.Shelookedoutatthe

watereventhoughshecouldn’thaveseenmuchofanythinginthedarkness.

Iputanarmaroundher,andsheleanedintome.“I’vemissedyousomuch.”

“I’vemissedyou,too.”

“Idon’twanttoleave.”

“Iknow,butwe’llmakeitwork.”

“Youstillthinkso?”

“Ofcourse.Ifanything,I’mmoredeterminednow.Ineedyouinmylife.”

Sheshifted,andatfirstIthoughtshewaspullingaway,butinsteadshegotintomylap,straddling

methewayshedidourfirstnighttogether.BeforeIcouldevenregisterit,shekissedme.

Ilethertakethelead,morethanwillingtohandcontrolovertoherforawhile.Ilovedthatshefelt

comfortableenoughwithmetodoit.

Shesuddenlystopped,handsstillingintheirgradualdescent.“You’regoingtovisitme,right?”

“Ofcourse.”I’dbevisitinghermorethanshecouldimagine.IfinallyknewhowIwasgoingto

makeherfeelsafe.

“Good.”Herhandsmovedagain,andIdecideditwasmyturntotakeover.Iflippedherdownon

thecouchandfollowedbehindher.Asupsetasitmadeherthatfirsttime,Irealizeditwasthewordsand

nottheaction.

Shegiggled,havingnoproblemwithhernewposition.

Igrinned.“Youweren’tmovingfastenough.”

“No,Iwasn’t,wasI?”

Iundressedherquickly,enjoyingtheprocessjustasmuchnowasIhadthefirsttime,justasmuch

asIknewI’denjoydoingitfortherestofmylife.I’dalreadyknownitforalongtime,butIwasnever

lettingBeccago.Ifourtimeaparthadtaughtmeanything,itwasthatI’ddoanythingtokeepherinmylife

—andafterournight,I’dfinallyfiguredouthow.

ChapterThirty-Three

Becca

IwokeupinGavin’sarmsasthesunstreakedinthewindow.Isnuggledintohim,notwantingthe

momenttoend.ThelyricstoeverysongIknewaboutsayinggoodbyeflowedthroughmyheadasIranmy

handdownhischest.Hemurmuredsomethingbeforepullingmecloser.Iclosedmyeyesandtriedto

memorizehowitfelttobeheldbyhim,howitfelttobesocomplete.Hisskinfeltwarmagainstmine,and

Ievenlikedthewayhisstubblescratchedmycheek.

Thetearsstarted.Ididn’twanttoleavehim.IhadnoideahowIwassupposedtosurvivethe

distance.We’dwastedsomuchtime,andallIwantedtodowasgobackandmakeupforeverysecondof

it.IwishedI’dspenteverynightwithhim,hadwokenupwithhimeverymorning.IwishedIhadn’ttaken

himforgranted.I’dneverexpectedtofallinlove,butoverthecourseofafewmonths,I’dbecome

completelyattachedtoamanIknewIcouldnolongerlivewithout.

“Areyouokay,baby?”Gavinsaidsoftly.

Iopenedmyeyes.“Idon’twanttoleave.”

“Idon’twantyoutoleave.”

“I’mscared.”

“Ofleaving?”Heabsentlyplayedwithmyhairthewayhedidsooften.

“Ofeverything.Ofbeingapart,ofbeingalone…”

“Iknow.ButIhaveasurprisethatmighthelpalittle.”

“What?”Ilookedupathimhopefully.

“He’scurrentlysleepingoverthere.”IfollowedhisgazeovertowhereMaxsleptcurleduponhis

bed.

“Max?Wait,areyousayingIcanborrowyourdog?”

Helaughed.“WellifIcan’tbetheremyself,atleastyou’llhavehim.Besides,helikesyoubetter.”

“Butwhataboutyou?Whatwillyoudowithouthim?”

“I’llbeokay.I’llseehimallthetimewhenIvisityou.Andit’sonlyforninemonths,right?”

Inodded.“Right.”

Ikissedhim,refusingtowasteevenaminuteofthetimewehadleft.

***

BostonwasaslonelyasI’dexpected.Igotbackintothegrooveofschool,butitwassomuch

harder.ThelongerIwasawayfromClaytonFalls,themoreImissedit.ImissedMolly,Kelly,andJake

—missedthegroupoffriendsI’dneverimaginedI’dhave,butmostofall,ImissedGavin.SometimesI

achedforhimsomuchthatIdidn’tknowhowtodeal.

Tomakethingsworse,Gavinseemedkindofdistant,asifhewashidingsomething.IknewIhadto

trusthim.IunderstoodthatsendingMaxwithmewasformorethanmysafety.Hewantedmetoknowhe

wasn’tgoinganywhere.AcceptingMaxmeantIwasn’teither.

OntheThursdayofmythirdweekback,IgotcaughtinatorrentialdownpouraftergettingofftheT.

Iopenedmyumbrella,butagustofwindturneditinsideout.“Damnit.”

IdroppedmyuselessumbrellaintothetrashcanasIwalkedthefewblockstomyapartment.Pelted

byrainontopofeverythingelse,Iwassoaked.Iturnedthecornerandnoticedsomeoneleaningagainst

thesideofmybuilding.AsIgotcloser,heglancedup,andIgotalookatmyfavoritehazeleyes.

“Gavin?Whatareyoudoinghere?”IranasfastasIcouldwithmybackpackfullofbooks.

Hemetmehalfway,slidingmybagoffmyshoulders,tossingitundertheawningofmybuilding,

beforepullingmeintoahug.“Youleftsomethingbehind,”hewhisperedinmyear.

“What?”Iasked,hopinghewasgoingtosaywhatIwantedhimto.

“Me.”

Ipulledmyheadawayfromhischest,knowingmyfacewasnowwetfromtearsandtherain.“How

longareyouherefor?”

“Untilyougraduate.”

“Really?”Iclutchedontohisshirt,tryingtoacceptthatthemanIlovedwasreallymovingacross

thecountryforme.

Hesmiled.“IfiguredIknewsomeonewhowouldn’tmindhavingmeasaroommate.”

“Well,Ikindofalreadyhavesomeonelivingwithme…butIthinkMaxwillbeokaywithyou

joiningus.”

“Good.Iwouldhavecomesooner,butIhadtogivemytwoweeksatwork.”

“I’msorry…”

“Don’tbe.IknowofajobuphereIcantakeanyway.”

“Where?”

“Let’ssaywe’llbeatalotofgamesatFenway.”

“Areyougoingtocoach?”

“Icalledmypitchingcoach,andheknewsomeoneuphere.Itwon’tpaymuch,butit’sastart,

right?”

“Ohmygod,you’rereallygoingtohelpcoachtheSox!”

“Itakeityouliketheidea?”

“Isthatajoke?”

Helookeddownintomyeyes.“Iloveyou,Becca.”

BeforeIcouldreply,hislipswereonmine.Hisarmscamearoundme,andIwrappedminearound

hisneck,pullinghimasclosetomeaspossible.Theraincontinuedtopourdownonus,butIdidn’tcare.

AllIcaredaboutwashowgooditfelttohavehislipsagainstmineagainandtobebackinhisarms.He

eventuallyloosenedhisholdalittleandpulledback.Ijumpedinimmediately.“Iloveyou.”

“Doyoulovemeenoughtogetmeoutoftherain?”

“Ofcourse.Butwait.Where’sallyourstuff?”

“Inmycar.”Hepointedtowherehe’dparked.

“Doyouneeditnow?”

“No.TheonlythingIneedisrighthere.”

“AndI’mnotgoinganywhere.”IlookedhimrightintheeyewhenIsaidit,lettinghimknowImeant

it.

“Meeither,Becca.Meeither.”

Hislipsmetmineagain,andIknewIwasrightwhereIbelonged.