HardtoLove

KendallRyan

Copyright©2013KendallRyan

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without

writtenpermissionoftheauthor,exceptbyareviewerwhomayquotebriefpassagesforreviewpurposes

only.

Thisbookisaworkoffictionandanyresemblancetoanyperson,livingordead,oranyeventsor

occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s

imaginationandareusedfictitiously.

CoverimageusedunderlicensefromiStockPhoto.com

EditedbyTanyaSaari

ISBN:1481042440

ISBN-13:978-1481042444

HardtoLovebyKendallRyan

Cade’salwaystakenrisks…

Cadetakescaresofhissickyoungersisterbydoingwhathedoesbest—cagefightingandstarring

in adult movies, his newest harebrained moneymaking scheme designed to pay for his sister’s growing

medicalbills.ButwhenhislatestgigfindshimadmittedtotheERsportinganerectionfromhell,thanks

tothelittlepillgiventohimbythedirector,hecan’tgettheprettylittlenursewhotreatedhimoutofhis

head,eventhoughheknowsshe’ssofaroutofhisleagueitshouldbeillegal.

Alexa’salwaysplayeditsafe…

Tiredofbeingpigeonholedasthesweet,innocentone,hardworkingnursingstudentAlexahasbeen

looking for ways to break out of her Goody Two-shoes image. When her friend suggests the outlandish

ideaoflosinghervirginitytothesexyandsure-to-be-skilledpornstar,Alexaismortified.Butthenwhen

Caderefusesherproposition,shefindsherselfpissedoffandembarrassed.Whenshetrackshimdownto

givehimapieceofhermind,sheisn’tpreparedforwhatshefinds.Watchinghimcareforhislittlesister

tugs at her heart, and suddenly it’s no longer just about losing her virginity, but about helping Cade.

BecauseLordhelpher,shemightjustbefallingforapornstar…

OtherTitlesbyKendallRyan

~UnravelMe

~MakeMeYours

PraiseforUnravelMe

“Dangerous and Seductive, Unravel Me will steal your heart, your time and your breath. I loved

UnravelMe.Thisbookreadlikeamovie,aromantic,eroticthriller,anddemandedmyattentionfromthe

get-go.”

-TheBookishBabe

“UnravelMebyKendallRyanisabeautifullywrittenstoryfilledwithpassion,romance,angst,

love,andmystery.Adultromancefanswillgocrazyoverthisnovelbecauseithastheperfect

combinationofstoryandsex.”

-Reading,Eating,andDreaming

“IreallyenjoyedKendallRyan'swritingstyle;itwassmoothand,attimes,witty.Thecharacterswere

well-developedandthestorysointensethatIwasn'treadyforittoend.Overall,thisisagreatbookfor

anyonelookingforadistinctlydifferentstorylinethatfeaturessomemystery,crazyhotchemistryanda

manwhowillmakeyoudrool!”

-Lisa'sBookReview

PraiseforMakeMeYours

“IgiveMakeMeYours5GoldenStars.Ityankedmeineverywhichway.ThewayKendallwrites

thewayCohenandLiztouchandinteractissosensual,sexual,smolderinganddownrightswoonworthy.

Everythingheatsupmoreasyouturnthepages.”

-LivesandBreathesBooks

“ThechemistryinMakeMeYoursiselectric!MakeMeYourshadmypulseracingandmyheart

aching,Ididn’tknowwhatwouldhappennext!Howamazingtofeelwhatthecharactersinthestoryyou

arereadingarefeeling.MakeMeYoursisafabulousHOTread,fullofstory.Youwon’tbeabletoput

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-Flirty&DirtyBookBlog

“Asexy,passionateandemotionalstorywithfunnyandlovablecharacters.Kendall Ryan's Books

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-TotallyBookedBlog

Chapter1

Cade

Dammit.Iknewafour-hourerectionwasn’tnormal.Ishifteduncomfortablyinthecabofmytruck

anddebatedwhattodo.Theemergencyclinicwasopentwenty-fourhourssothatwasn’ttheproblem.It

was embarrassment over my condition that had me stalling in the parking lot. But damn, this thing was

fuckingpainful.Ituggedonmyjeans,tryingtocreatesomeroomandadjustedmyerectionyetagain.

Fuckit.Iwasgoinginside.

Istalkedacrossthedimlylitparkinglot,tryingtowalkasnormallyaspossible,buteachsteptested

mysanity.

When I reached the reception desk, an elderly woman looked up and asked if she could help me

withsomething.IstruggledtokeepastraightfacewhileIexplainedmyproblem.Shethrustaclipboardof

forms at me with a dour expression, not wanting to hear another word. I headed to the waiting room,

holdingtheclipboardinfrontofmygroin.

Tomakemattersworse,Rick,thedirectorI’dbeenworkingwithontheset,camebargingintothe

emergencyroomtojoinmeinthewaitingarea,sayinghewasn’tabouttoletoneofhisactorsgothrough

thisalone.Justfuckinggreat.

OnceIturnedinthepaperwork,Ifocusedonthinkingaboutanythingthatwouldtamethismonsterof

ahard-on.TheChicagoBears,howmuchIhatedhospitals—anythingnon-sexual.Nothinghelped.Itwas

full-onthrobbingbythetimetheycalledmebackthirtyminuteslater.

I had hoped for a male doctor, so we could handle this man-to-man, but as I stepped behind the

curtained room and saw a young female nurse waiting for me, all my hopes went up in smoke. Rick

followedmeinsidethesmallroomandpositionedhimselfinthecornertoobserve.Iwas convinced he

washereforthesolepurposeofhavingagoodlaugh.

Thenurseglancedatme,andher eyes widened and her breathing hitched. She looked young, too

youngtobeanurse,andwasprettyinaninnocent,sweetwaythatIdidn’tnormallygofor.

“Hello.CadenEllis?”sheasked.Hervoicewassoftandlacedwithconcern.

Ittookmeasecondtorespond.“Cade.”

“Please have a seat.” She gestured to the white-paper-covered exam table and began flipping

throughmychart.“Myname’sAlexa.I’manursingstudentandI’llbeassistingthedoctortonight.Doyou

mindifIaskyouafewsimplequestionsbeforewemoveontothehardstuff?”Hereyesshiftednervously

tomylap,andIcouldn’thelpbutgrin.

“Sure.”

She nodded astutely. “Fine, then. Let’s begin.” She sat down on the rolling stool beside me and

wheeledherselfcloser.“Yourweight?”

“Two-ten.”

“Height?”

“Six-one.”

Shescribbleditdownonherfile.“Andyourage?”

“Twenty-two.”

Shebitbackasmile,thoughIdidn’treallyknowwhy.

Herhairwassomewherebetweenblondeandbrown,andshehadlargeblueeyesthatmatchedthe

colorofacrystal-clearsky.Shewaspetiteyet shapely, nicely filling out her blue hospital scrubs, with

curvesinalltherightplaces.Shehadafullrosebudmouthandasmallupturnednose, and even in her

workuniformshelookedpolishedandputtogether–givingtheimpressionshe’dbeenraisedtobepoised

andproper.AfarcryfromhowIgrewup.

She finished the forms and busied herself with the medical equipment to check my vitals. Even

thoughherpresencewasprofessional,itdidnothingtohelpweakenmyerection.Infact,Ithinkmydamn

cockbecameevenharderjusttotauntme.

Sheplacedastethoscopeovermyheartandlistenedforseveralmomentsbeforejottingdownafew

notes.Iwatchedherwork,asmiletuggingonmylips.

“So,Cade.”Shesmiledupatmewithstraight,whiteteethwhilesheattachedablood-pressurecuff

tomybicep.“Whatseemstobetheproblem?”

Fuck. She was going to make me say it. “It’s there…” I tapped the clipboard she held. “On the

formsIfilledoutinthewaitingroom…”

She looked down, a frown tugging at her mouth. “Yes. I see that. But if you could just please

explain…um,howthishappened.Isthisthefirsttime,you’ve,um…experiencedthis?”

“I’ve never taken performance-enhancing drugs before if that’s what you’re asking.” The words

fromtheoverplayedcommercialrangthroughmyhead.“Ifyouhaveanerectionlastinglongerthanfour

hours,seekimmediatemedicalhelp.”

I tore my eyes from the thin fabric stretched taut across her chest, but not before she caught me

looking.ShelookeddownatherchesttoseewhatIwasstaringatandfrowned.Shepulledanoversized

Q-tipIhadn’tevennoticedfromthepocketoverherbreast.“Don’tworry,Iwon’tbeusingthisonyou.”

Thatwasn’twhathadcapturedmyattention,butwasrelievedallthesameatnotbeingcaughtogling

herbreasts.Ifeltlikearealasshole,sittingheresportingwoodandstaringatthenurse’stits. Classy. It

wasasifmydickthoughtwewereheretopickupawillingparticipanttoeasehisdiscomfort.Sadly,no,

littleman.Ifelthispain.Iclearedmythroatandlookeddown.

Alexaworkedquicklyandmethodically,pumpingupthearmcuffandpressingherfingers into my

wristtogetmypulsewhileshestudiedthetickinghandsonherwristwatch.Itooktheopportunitytostudy

hermoreclosely,noticingthewayherfaceheldabsoluteconcentrationassheworked.Shewastryingher

damnedestnottobedistractedbyme.Itwasn’ttheusualeffectIhadonfemales.

“Socanyoutellmemoreaboutwhenthisproblembegan?”Sheglanceddownatmyforms,which

I’ddeliberatelyleftvague,jottingdownonlythemostcriticalissues—name,medicalinsurance,andoh,

yeah,apainfulerection.I’dbeenhopingtospeakwithamaledoctorwho’dseenthiskindofthingbefore,

notanattractiveyoungnurse,dammit.

IhesitatedandRicklaughed.“Wewerebeginningourfilmshootandmystarheregotstagefright.I

gavehimacoupleofthelittlebluepillsIkeeponhandjustincase.”

HermouthpursedintoapoutyfrownagainasshelookedfromRickback to me. I glanced down,

motioningtothetenseerectionstrainingagainstmyjeans.

“Oh,my.”Herhandflewtohermouthandsheinvoluntarilytookastepback.

Herresponsewassohonest,sodamninnocent,Ialmostchuckled.Almost.Butthe majority of my

bloodsupplywassittingsouthatthemoment,whichdelayedanynormalresponses.

“So,wait…whatbusinessareyouguysin?”

“Adultentertainment,”RickandIansweredattheexactsamemoment.

“Youmean…porn?”Alexaasked.

Iwinced.

RickreachedacrosstohandAlexaabusinesscard.“Mrs.XEntertainment,”hesaidproudly.

Ididn’texplainthatitwastheromantic,softerstuff,andthatthefilmcompanyhadwonawardsfor

beingfemale-friendly—thefeaturesthathadattractedmetoworkingwiththeminthefirstplace.Because

frankly,noneofthatmattered.Itwasporn,andthatwasallshewasgoingtosee.SheprobablyfiguredI

wassomesortofplayerorasexaddict.Isawitinhereyes,andtherewasnousefightingit.Itwasn’t

likeIwouldeverseethisgirlagain.Shewouldneverknowaboutthe little girl in my custody, and the

mortgage,groceries,orutilitiesIwasresponsiblefor.

After taking a moment to compose herself the nurse jumped into action, grabbing a white paper

gownandthrustingittowardsme.“Here.GetundressedandputthisonsothatitopensinthefrontandI’ll

berightback.”Shefledtheroomwithoutanotherword.

AfewdaysagowhenI’dsignedonforthewholeadultentertainmentthingit’dbeeneasy.Ishowed

upandposedforsomemodelingphotosforthewebsite.WearingjustboxersIloungedon a bed with a

beautifulgirlnamedDesiree.Theyhadusposeinvariouspositionsthatgrewincreasinglyintimate—me

lickingherneck,hernipples,andthenherclit.Itwasn’tsexual,likeyou’dthinkitwouldbe.Wehadto

holdstillandholdeachposeforseveralsecondswhilethecameraclickedaway,soitwasn’tlikeIwas

actuallygettingheroff.Ijustsortofheldmytongueagainsther.Itwas…different.Andwhenthey’dasked

metoshedtheboxers,Iwasn’thardyet.Withoutaword,Desiree—liketheproshewas—reacheddown

andrubbedherlong,manicuredfingersovermypackageuntilIwaserect.AfterthatIspentanotherhour

posingwithher.Modelingwastheeasypart.Itwasthefilmingthatwouldprovetobedifficult.

*******

ThreeHoursEarlier

Ricksaunteredovertogivemeapeptalk.“Youreadyforthis?”

Itookadeepbreathandglancedatthestagedset—awhiteleathercouchsetagainstfloor-to-ceiling

windowsinthechicloftthestudiohadrented.Itallfeltcoldandcontrived,butwhatdidIexpect?Itwas

justsex.Icoulddothis.ItwastheonethingIknewforsureIwasgoodat.Andmostimportantly,itpaida

lot—enoughformetoaffordLily’smedicalcare.

I pictured her sweet face peeking out over the edge of her quilt when I’d tucked her in earlier

tonight.I’dtoldherBeccawasgoingtobabysitandshewouldn’tseemeuntilmorning.She’dtightened

herlipsandnodded.Shedidn’tlikethedark,andsometimesevenpreferredtocrawlintomybedatnight,

butshewasputtingonherbraveface.

“Cade?”Rickasked,pullingmyattentionbacktohim.

“Yeah,I’llbefine.”

“That’s my boy. Our actress should be here soon. She’s a new girl. You’ll love her. Young,

sweet…”Hemadeasuckingsoundwithhislipsandhiseyesgotafarawaylooktothem.Ishuddered.

Throwingasidethefactthathewasanadult-filmdirector,Rick’sdemeanorjustscreamedsleazy.

Iwasalmoststartingtoregretmydecisiontoworkforhim,butvisionsofdollarsignskeptfloating

before my eyes. Rick had seen me in the boxing ring several times over the previous year, and a few

months ago had begun approaching me after matches, promising big money if I was ever interested in

workingforhim.Atthetime,Ilaugheditoff.Butthefightsbroughtinlessthansteadymoneyandasthings

gotworsewithLilyIbitthebulletanddecidedtogiveitashot.

Themakeupartistapproached, thankfully distracting Rick from whatever perverted thoughts were

currentlyrunningthroughhishead.Iremovedmyrobeatherrequestandshebeganairbrushingsometype

ofbronzingsprayovermyshouldersandchest.Ididn’tlikethesmellofit,butIpusheditfrommymind

andfocusedonwhatIhadtodo.

“Sothebiggestthingforyoutorememberiscontrol.NomoneyshotsuntilIsayso.Soifyouneed

to slow down, or switch positions, just go ahead and do it. As long as you don’t come until I give the

signal.Weneedplentyofshotsandpositionsbeforethatcanhappen,”Rickremindedme.

“Gotit.Shouldn’tbeaproblem.”

Helaughed.“Confident.Ilikethat.”

Confidenceusuallywasn’taproblemforme,but I couldn’t deny there was a hint of performance

anxietyatthethoughtofhavingsexwithagirlI’dnevermet,oncamera,infrontofaroomfulofpeople—

lightingtechs,director,filmcrew,andafewotherswhoserolesIdidn’tknow.Itriednottofocusonall

thatandinsteadremindedmyselfaboutthemoneyRickhadpromisedme.

“Whatabouther?Shouldn’tItalktoherfirst?Findoutwhatshelikes,howshegetsoff?”

Ricklaughed,andslappedmyshoulder.“Sillyboy.Thisisapornshoot,notafirstdate.She’llfake

it,sodon’tworryaboutherhavinganorgasm.Justfocusonyou.”

Icouldonlyimaginewhataconversationlikethatwithastrangermightsoundlike…. So do you

like penetration or clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm? God, was I an idiot or what? I was

overthinkingthisshit.

Thefrontdooropenedandeveryoneturned.“Andtheresheis!Beautifulgirl…”Rickheadedover

togreetthewide-eyedstarletenteringtheapartment.

Icouldn’thelpbutnoticehowscaredshelooked.Andyoung.Holyshit,wasthisgirleveneighteen?

IwatchedasRickhelpedheroutofherjacketandsteeredherbytheshouldersovertothemakeupchair.

*******

When Alexa returned I was seated on the exam table, the paper gown loosely closed around me.

Rickhadn’tofferedtoleavewhileIchanged.Heandawholeroomfullofpeoplehadalreadyseenme

buck-nakedthough,soIfigureditdidn’tmattermuchatthispoint.Thiswholenightjustneededtofucking

end.

Alexawashedherhandsandcarefully arranged an ice pack over my groin. I shifted and let out a

gruntatthesurpriseofthecoldness,andAlexa’seyesflickeduptomine.“Isitokay?”sheasked,softly.

“Fine,” I muttered and bit back the string of curse words I wanted to let rip and adjusted the ice

packsoitwasn’tsittingdirectlyonmynuts.

Rickleanedagainsttheexamtableandchuckledtohimselfasifhefoundourinteractionamusing.It

wasclearIwasintriguedbyherandthewayhereyeswanderedtheroom,desperatetolookanywherebut

directlyatme,orratheratmyswollenappendage,shewasclearlyuncomfortable.

“Youcanseewhywehiredhim,huh,sweetheart?”Rickgrinnedproudlyandelbowedhersoftlyin

theside.

Hercheeksflushedpinkandshetuckedherchintoherchest.

“Let’sjustgetonwithit,”Igrowled.Ididn’tcareabouttheexamorbeingexposed,Ijustwantedto

endherembarrassmentasquicklyaspossible.

Ididn’tknowwhyI’dlistenedtoRickandtakenthosedamnpills.Iwasattractedtothemodelhe’d

hired,thatwasn’ttheproblem.Shewasverypretty,petiteandtrim,butshe’dlookedfuckingterrified.I’d

triedtomakepoliteconversationbeforetheshootbegan,butevensmalltalkwastoomuchforher.She

excusedherselftothekitchen,whereshesatperchedonabarstool,hereyesclosedtight,chestrisingand

falling as she took deep breaths. After she finally talked herself into going through with it, I was so

weirdedoutthatIcouldn’tevenkeepmyerectionup—somethingthathad never been a problem for me

before.

Iwasn’tabouttofucksomegirlwhowasterrifiedofme.Sorry,notaturn-on.Rickhadassumedit

wasaperformanceissue,andstupidlyI’dacceptedthepillsfromhimratherthanexplainingwhyIdidn’t

wanttogothroughwithit.EventuallyIhadtomanupandexplainthesituationtohim,butnotbeforethe

damagewasdone.

“So, you’re a porn star?” Alexa asked, her eyes flicking up to mine briefly before darting away

again.

Shewasasnervousasafieldmouseinastampede.“Doesthatbotheryou?”Ibluffed.Shedidn’t

needtoknowthatthiswasmyfirsteverfilmandIhadn’tevenfollowedthrough.Besides,she’dalready

judgedme.Nosenseintryingtodefendmyhonor.

Hereyesmetmineagainandheld.“No.”Hervoicesoundedsure,butIcouldn’thelpnoticing the

blushcreepinguphernecktocolorhercheeks.Iwouldn’tbeallthatsurprisedtolearnshewasavirgin,

withhowself-consciousandunsureofherselfshe was. All the more reason to stay the hell away from

her.

Watchingherwork,hersmallhandsmovingabouttocareformestirredsomethinginside.It’dbeen

alongtimesincesomeonehadtakencareofme.

Thedoctorstrodeintotheroom—male,late-forties,andstrait-laced,whichputmeatease.

After covering the basics—that I’d taken two of little blue pills even though only one was

recommendedandyes,I’dbeenfullyerectgoingonfourandhalfhoursnow—thedoctor,thankfully,got

right down to business, opening my robe. The swollen appendage jutted out in front of me, proudly

salutingthedoctorandAlexa.

“Thereheis!”Rickbeamedproudly.Thisdudewastwisted.Whythehellwashesointerestedin

mycock?Sureitwasaboveaverage,Iknewthatmuch.AfterRickhadapproachedmeaboutstarringin

one of his movies, I’d looked up the statistics online and measured myself, just out of curiosity. It was

muchlargerthanaverageaccordingtowhatI’dreadonline.Butstill,hisinterestwascreepy.Ireminded

myselfthathedealtwiththehumanbodyalldaylongandthathewasjustthinkingaboutthemoneyIcould

make him when he looked at it, but that didn’t mean I liked another man eyeing my dick with such

enthusiasm.

MyeyesflickeduptowatchAlexa’sexpression.Badfuckingidea.Her mouth had dropped open,

andherchestwasheavingwithshallowbreaths.Ipracticallyfelthergazecaressingme.

“Ishefamily?”thedoctorasked,gingerlyinspectingme.

“Nope.”

The doctor tipped his head to the door, motioning to Rick. “Would you mind stepping out of the

room,sir?”

“Sure thing, Doc.” Rick nodded. “I’m out of here just as soon as you tell me there’ll be no

permanentdamagetothemoneymaker.”

Thedoctorlookedupathim,notamused.“He’lllive.Nowpleasego.”

Apparentlysatisfiedbythedoctor’sanswer,Rickgavemeawink,pattedmyshoulderandexited

theroom.

“Sohowexactlydoyoutreatthis?”Iwasalmostafraidtoask.

Alexa’seyesshiftedtothefloor,likesheknewIwasn’tgoingtoliketheanswer.Notgood.

“I’mgoingtogiveyouadoseofmedicine—acombinationofasteroidandamusclerelaxanttosee

if that will return things to normal. You’ll take these orally and we’ll wait about thirty minutes. If that

doesn’t work, I may have to insert a thin needle into the shaft and extract blood manually.” The doctor

madeafewnotesinmyfileandlefttheroom.

Iswalloweddownalumpinmythroat.Thefuckingpillshadtowork.Iwouldn’tbeabletohandle

himbringinganeedleanywherenearmydickwithoutpunchingthepoorguyintheface.

Alexareturnedafewminuteslaterwithatinyplasticcupcontainingtwopillsandacupofwater

forme.Idownedthepillsandwaterinasinglegulp.Onceagain,shearrangedtheicepackonmylap,her

handbrushingagainstmydick,whichmadeitjump.Isawherbiteherliptoavoidsmiling.

“Thanks,”Imuttered,passingthecupbacktoher.

“You’rewelcome.SittightandI’llbebacktocheckyourprogressinalittlewhile.”

I’dneverbeensohappytogosoftinmyentirelife,buttwentyminuteslatermyerectionslackened

and I hopped down from the exam table and began dressing. Just as I was pulling on my jeans, Alexa

camebacktocheckonme.

Thelookofsurpriseonherfacestoppedmeshort.

“IthinkI’mgoodtogo,”Iexplained.

Hereyestravelleddownthelengthofmybody,stoppingoncetheyreachedtheno-longer-straining

bulgeinmyjeans.“Oh.”

“Thanksforeverything.”Igrabbedmyjacketfromthechair,andstartedpasther.Herhandsdarted

out and pressed against my chest. “You can’t just leave. Dr. Chancellor wanted to um…talk with you,

aboutyour,um,lifestyle.AndseeifwecouldofferSTDtesting.”

Ilaughed.“Thanksanyway,butI’mgood.”Ibarelyhadtimetodate,letalonehavesex,butwhenI

didIalwaysusedacondom.Not to mention that Rick insisted I get tested as an agreement to work for

him. All I wanted to do now was get home, check on Lily, and forget this whole night ever happened.

“Okay.Besafe,”shesaid,andsteppedoutofthewayasIfledpasther,readytoputthewholeexperience

behindme.

Chapter2

Alexa

WhenIwokeandfumbledformycellphone to check the time, I was shocked to discover it was

alreadyfourintheafternoon.Istretchedandflungbackmyduvet,sighingbecausedespitethelatehour,

mybodywassonotreadytoleavemyheavenlysoftpillowtop.

Workingthemidnightshiftwaswreakinghavocwithmysystem.EachnightIworkedthelateshift,I

wokelaterandlaterintheafternoon.AtleastIhadtonightoff—itwasmytwenty-firstbirthday,andIwas

going out with friends later. I could only imagine what MacKenzie had planned. That girl, though I

consideredhermybestfriendinnursingschool,wastroublewithacapitalT.

Isatdownatmyvanityandbrushedoutmyhair.Thebagsundermyeyesneededattentiontoo,soI

dottedonsomeeyecreambeforesecuringmyhairbackinaponytail.

My parents didn’t understand why I worked so hard. Money certainly wasn’t the motivator—my

familyhadmorethanwe’deverspendinalifetime—butIwantedsomethingmoreformyself.SomethingI

wasgoodatandkeptmebusy.Theironlygoalformewastomeetawealthy,well-bredmanandbecome

somesortofStepfordWife,adesirewedidnotshare.Alifelikethatsounded incredibly boring to me.

Andifmymother’safternooncombinationofhappypillsandwine-spritzerswereanyindication,itwasa

lifespentunfulfilled.Nothanks.

Once in the kitchen, I slid a coffee pod into the one-cup maker, the most used appliance in my

kitchen since I rarely bothered to cook for one. I couldn’t help but think back to the previous night, or

morespecifically,aboutCade.Well,IwasactuallythinkingofacertainpartofhisanatomymorethanI

wasanythingelse,andgiggledtomyself.I’dseenalotofstrangethingsworkingthemidnightshiftinthe

emergencyroom,butthatwasoneofthemorememorable.

He was undeniably attractive, and that was even before I saw the python he was packing in his

pants.Hewastallandridiculouslytonedfromheadtotoe,with a rugged face and strong jaw line. His

nosehadaslightridgethatindicatedithadprobablybeenbrokenatsomepoint,andthoserichchocolate

eyesofhishadbeensurroundedbythick,darklashes.

He’dhadthestrangesteffectonme.I’dneverbeenattractedtoapatient.Ever.Itwasmyjob,andI

rarely noticed details about the actual person. That statement sounded harsh, but I saw the people who

cameinandoutofthehospitalasclinicalobjects.IonlynoticedthedetailsIneededtodomyjob—like

where there best vein line was to start an IV or draw blood, or calculating meds based on weight—

standardthingslikethat.Butwithhim,Icouldn’tfocusonwhatIneededto. Instead, I noticed how his

darkeyesfollowedmyeverymovement,thethicknessoftheveinrunningupthelengthofhisshaft,andthe

tensioninhisbodyathisobviousdiscomfort.IalsonoticedthetattoopeekingoutfromthecollarofhisT-

shirtasifcrawlinguphisneck.Iwantedtoseetherestofit,even if the mere thought of that made my

tummy erupt in nerves. And I knew he could tell how frazzled I was with that annoying amused smirk

tuggingathislips.

*****

When the doorbell chimed, I jogged to the intercom panel to buzz in MacKenzie and Tyson. I

openedmyapartmentdoorandfoundMacKenziemarchingupthestairs,abrownpapersackfilled with

liquorbottlesinonehandandaplasticcontainerintheother.Tysonwascarryingabouquetofpinkroses.

Tysonwaslikeabrothertome,butIwasn’tsurewewerealwaysonthesamepage.

I’d made Kenzie promise me no big party, just the three of us going out and enjoying a few

cocktails,andsofaritappearedshe’dkeptherendofthebargain.

“Our baby girl’s growing up, Ty!” MacKenzie squealed and pulled me in for a hug. I patted her

backandpulledawayforsomepersonalspace.Iwasn’tthebesthuggerintheworld.Tysonlaughedand

navigatedaroundus,enteringmyapartment.HeknewbetterthantotryandhugmeafterIwentcompletely

stiffinhisarmstheoneandonlytimehe’dattemptedit.

“Thanksfortheroses,”Icalledtohisbackashemadehiswayintomykitchentofetchavase.He’d

spentenoughtimeinmyapartmenttoknowwhereeverythingwas.Heck,Ithinkheknewmyapartment

betterthanIdid.OnceIcalledhimtoaskhowtocleanmyhairoutofthecloggedshowerdrainandhe

informedmeIhadabottleofdraincleanerunderthesinkinthekitchen.Hewasgoodtome,andsowas

MacKenzie.Sheoftenforcedmeoutofmyshell,which,howeverpainfulattimes,wasgoodformetoo.

MacKenzietookoverthekitchenisland,extractingvariousbottlesofalcoholandmixersfrom her

bag.Tygottheglassesandfilledthemwithice,whileIstoodandwatched.

“What’sinhere?”Ipokedatthelidoftheshallowplasticpan,expectingittoholdacake.

“Jell-Oshots,”MacKenzieanswered,smiling.“Tryone.”

Ipulledoffthelidandsetitaside.Thepanwasfilledwithsmallplasticshotglassesthatcontained

arainbowofjelliedconcoctions.Theycertainlylookedinviting.Iselectedagreenoneandtippeditupto

mymouth,butthegelatinousmassremainedfirmlyplantedinsidethecup.

MacKenzielaughedandglancedatTyson.“Teachherhow,Ty.IforgotwehadaJell-O-shotvirgin

onourhands.”Shemeasuredtwoshotsofclearliquoranddumpedthemoveraglassfullof ice, mixing

thedrinklikeitwassecondnature.

Tysmiledandroundedtheislandtostandnexttome.“Stickoutyourtongue.”

Inarrowedmyeyesathim.

Hechuckled.“Justdoit.”

I complied and he brought the cup to my mouth, showing me how to swirl my tongue around the

edgeofittoloosentheJell-Ountilitslippedoutofthecupandintomymouth.

“Mmm.GreenApple?”Iasked.

TywipedawayasmearofJell-Ofrommybottomlipandlickeditfromhisfinger.

MacKenzienodded.“Yep.Andhere’syourbirthdaydrink.”

Itwaspinkandbubbly.Itookasipandfounditsurprisinglyrefreshing.Youcouldhardlytastethe

vodkashotsI’dseenherdumpin.Itwasgrapefruityanddelish.“Thanks.”

Onceweallhaddrinks,courtesyofMacKenzie,TygrabbedthepanofJell-Oshotsandwemade

ourwayintothelivingroomtositinthecenterofmycream-coloredshaggyrug.

“We

needmusic.”MacKenzieopenedmylaptopandmyheartnearlystopped.Ileaptfrommyseat

inanefforttostopherfromseeingwhatshewasabouttosee,butIwastoolate.

“Holyshit!”

MycheeksflamedasIrememberedwhatI’dlastusedthecomputerfor—I’dtypedintheaddress

forthepornwebsitefromthebusinesscardwhenIgothomeandsearcheduntilIfoundCade’spictures.

“What is it?” Ty asked, peeking around MacKenzie’s His face scrunched in disgust. “Gah!” He

jumpedbackfromthecomputerlikehe’djustbeenstung.

“Youlookatporn,Alexa?”ThesurpriseinMacKenzie’svoicewasunmistakable.“I’mnotjudging,

notatall,proudismorelikeit—I’mjustsurprised.You’vealwaysseemedsortofinnocent.”

Iswallowedandgrabbedthelaptopfromherlap,pullingitontomyown.“It’snotwhatyouthink.”

Iopenedmymusiclibraryandstartedmyplaylistofindie-rock,thensetthecomputeraside.

MacKenzie laughed, throwing her head back. “Sorry, sweetheart, but that’s gonna require an

explanation. I mean, you’ve never taken a Jell-O shot, you were raised by the Waltons, your freaking

panty-drawerisorganizedbycoloranddayoftheweek.Spillit,babe.”

Tysonglancedupfromhisdrink.“You’vegotday-of-the-weekunderwear?Oh,I’vegottaseethis.”

HestoodandwandereddownthehallintomybedroomMacKenzieandIjumpedtoourfeettofollow.

“Ty!”Icalled.“Getoutofthere!”

Hechuckledandpulledopenthetopdrawerofmyhand-carved,pale-pinkdresser.“Holyshit,you

weren’tkidding,Kenz.”Heliftedapairofwhitecottonbriefsfromthetopofthepileandheldthemupto

inspect.“Sunday,”hereadthebackside,chuckling.

Isnatchedthemfromhisgrasp,tossedthembackinthe drawer and slammed it shut with my hip.

“Enough. Out.” I shooed them from my bedroom. Yes, I bought the packaged cotton undies. They were

comfy.Sueme.MacKenziestoodherground,blockingthedoortomybedroom.“Onlyifyoutellusthe

storyofyoulookingatporn.Ibetyoudon’tevenownasextoydoyou?”

“I’lltellyou.”Inavigatedmywayaroundheroutintothehallway.ButIwassonotansweringthe

sex-toyquestion.EvenifTywaslikeabrothertous,hewasstillmale,andIwasn’tabouttoadmitthatI

hadavibratortuckedinthebackofmyunderwear drawer. God, I would have been mortified if they’d

foundthat.

OncewewereseatedonthelivingroomrugagainIdownedafewmoreJell-Oshotstoeasemy

nervesandpulledathrowpillowintomylap.MacKenziesatacrossfromme,lookingsmug,leaningback

againstthesofa.

“Okay.SolastnightintheER…”Igrabbedanothershotandslurpeddownthegelatinousmouthful,

needingtofortifymyselfatthememoryofCade’serection.

“Howbigwouldyousayitwas?”MacKenzieaskedonceIwasthroughmystory,leaningforward

witheagercuriosity.

“Ahhell,I’mgettinganotherdrink,”Tyannounced,standingtoheadintothekitchen.

After considering—and rejecting a nearby candlestick and finding nothing else adequate in my

livingroomtoshowcasethefulllengthofCade’smanhood,KenzieandImadeourwayintothekitchen,

gigglingatmyideatoretrieveacucumberfromtherefrigerator.

Ireachedintothecrisperdrawerandmodeledthelargevegetableinfrontofmycrotch.“Thislooks

aboutright.”

MacKenzietookmyshoulders,turningmefromsidetosidesoIcouldmodelitat various angles.

“Damn.Thatboyishung.”

TysonretreatedtothebathroomwhileMacKenzieandImadeourway back into the living room.

Shehoistedthecucumberproudlyoverherhead,wavingitintimewiththemusic,andledthewayback

tomycomputer.

MacKenziesettledontothesofa,thelaptopbalancedonherkneesandIscootedinbesideherto…

supervise.

“Clickhere,”Itoldher,pointingtothetablabeledModels.Thetitlehadseemedalittlestrangeto

me, but I supposed that sounded classier than saying porn stars. The pictures were mostly topless girls

posingseductively.MacKenzie scrolled past the photos of the girls. Last night I’d thoroughly inspected

eachimage,wonderingifCadehadsleptwiththem,andwhichhe preferred best. All of the girls were

thinandtannedwithlarge,fakebreasts.Ididn’twantto,butmymindhadinevitablymadecomparisonsto

myownbody.

Iwasofaverageheight,averageweight.Mybreastsweredecidedlyreal,theyfellseveralinches

when I removed my bra, and I had far too many freckles to be considered sexy. Pretty, maybe, but

certainlynotonparwiththetypeofwomenheusuallysleptwith.Butallthoughtsofinsecurityvanished

whenI’dspottedCade’sphoto.

“That’shim.”Ipointedatthephoto.

ItsaidhisnamewasSebastian,butitwasdefinitelyCade.He was standing near a weight bench,

gymshortslooseonhisnarrowhipstoshowhiscutabsandhewassmirkinglikeheknewasecretthe

restofusdidn’t.

“Damn.He’sfuckinghot.”

Igiggled.“Iknow.”

MacKenzieclickedonhisphoto.ThoughIhadspenttimelastnightporingovereachone,Icouldn’t

help but lean forward to join in her inspection. He had a full page of photos. In many of them he was

wearingonlyapairofblackboxerbriefs,andthenafewwheretheboxershadbeenremovedandallof

him was proudly on display. The tattoo I’d wondered about was a tribal design that covered his left

shoulderandcrawleduphischest,endingathisneck.

IblushedatthesightofhisfullyerectcockandheatcreptupmychestuntilIwasrosyandwarm.I

couldn’t help but reminisce about being near Cade in the semi-private hospital room, where I’d been

closeenoughtofeeltheheatofhisskinandsmellofthescentofhismuskyarousal.

MacKenzie scrolled down to the bio beneath the photos. I’d read it last night, but couldn’t resist

readingitagainoverhershoulder.Itsaidhewastheirnewestmodel,andworkedexclusivelyfortheir

site.Thebioclaimedhewasextremelyprofessionaltoworkwithandalwaysfocusedonmakingsurethe

girlsfeltcomfortable.Outsideofworkheenjoyedworkingoutandlisteningtorockmusic.Itsoundedlike

aclichédlineofbull,butthatdidn’tkeepmefromgraspingateverybitofinformationIcouldget.

Tysonappearedfromthekitchen,thistimewithabottleofbeer,andsankdownonthechairacross

theroom.

“Ty,youwanttoseewhatarealmanlookslike?”MacKenzieteased.

Ielbowedherside.Tysonwasonlyafewinchestallerthanme,andhadaslightbuild,buthewas

cuteandIdidn’tlikehertearinghimdown.Especially since he regularly caught flack for being one of

onlyafewmalenursingstudents.

“Igettoseethateveryday,babe.I’mgood.”Hepolishedofftherestofhisbeer.

MacKenzieclosedthelaptop.“Let’sgoout.IfIlookatanymoreofthese,I’llbangthefirstguyI

seeattheclub.”

Bythetimewearrived,theJell-Oshotshadcaughtupwithme.Tysonslippedhis arm around my

waist and helped me inside. Once we were stationed at the bar, he deposited me safely on a barstool,

refusedMacKenzie’srequestformoreshots,andorderedmeabeerandawater.

Withourdrinksinhand,wefoundacornerboothandslidintotheseats.

Islumpedbackagainsttheseat,restingmyheadagainstTy’sshoulder.“WhatwasintheseJell-O

thingies?Ifeelfunny.”

MacKenzielaughed.“Vodka.IthoughtyouknewJell-Oshotshadboozeinthem.”

Tygraspedmychin,turningmyfacetohis.“Howmanyofthosedidyouhave,Lex?”

Itriedtocountandlosttrack.“Um,ten?Twelve?”

“Shit,”hesaid,andtookthebottleofbeerfrommyhand,replacingitwiththewater.

“Damnit,Kenzie.Yousaidyou’dwatchoutforhertonight.”

MacKenzie waved him off. “She’s drunk, not dead, Tyson. Calm down. It’s her twenty-first

birthday,andP.S.—you’renotherdad.”Sheknockedbackahealthyswigofherowndrink.

“Don’tfight,youguys.I’mfine.”Ireachedouttopateachofthemreassuringlybutfumbled.“See?”

Theybothlaughedatmylackofcoordination.

“Sometimes I forget how sheltered you are, Alexa. I swear you act like you were raised by the

Cleavers,withyourday-of-the-weekcottonunderpantsandeverything.”shechuckled.

Isatupstraighterinmyseat.“JustbecauseI’mavirgintoJell-Oshotsdoesn’tmeananything.Hell,

I’mavirginineverysense—”Islappedahandovermymouth.Crap!Ihadn’tmeanttosaythatoutloud.

MacKenziegrabbedmyshoulders.“Areyouseriousrightnow?”

Inodded,reluctantly.Kenzie’sand Tyson’s faces were both filled with surprise at my revelation.

“What?It’snotlikeI’mproudofit.Idon’twanttobethiswayanymore.”

MacKenzietookmyhand.“Babe,it’snothingtobeashamedof.Butifyoudowanttogetridofit—

it’snotthatdifficulttodo.Yourparentsdidhavethebirdsandbeestalkwithyou,right?”

IgrabbedmybeerawayfromTyandtookafortifyingsip.“I’mnotlikeyou.Icouldn’thaveaone-

nightstand.”

“Well,don’tcomecryingtomewhenyoufindyourselfoldandlivingalonewithabunchofcats.”

Itookanotherpullfrommybottle,notabouttotellherI’dbeenthinkingaboutgettingacatlately.

“Leaveheralone,Kenzie,”Tysonsaid,removingthebeerfrommygraspyetagain.Heleanedover

tome.“Ifyouwantmetohelpyou,justletmeknow.”

MacKenzieswattedTyson’shandawayfrommythigh.“No,Ty.Igettohelppickhimout.Sortofa

birthdaypresent.”Shesmiled.

Irolledmyeyes,blowingofftheirsuggestions.Iwasnotpickingoutarandomguytosleepwithon

mytwenty-firstbirthday.AndIsureashellwasn’tsleepingwithTyson.Gah! Could you imagine? He’s

likeabrothertome.

“OhmyGod!Alexa,look.”MacKenziepointedacrossthebar.“It’stheguyfromthewebsite.”

Chapter3

Cade

Isatatthebarnursingabeer,lostinmythoughts.

“Youwantanippleonthatbottle,man?Stopbeingalittlebitchanddrinkup,”Ian said, knocking

backhisownbeerinafewswallows.

Ishothimawarninglook.“Don’tfuckwithmetonight,I’mnotinthemood.”I’dbeenhell-benton

gettingdrunktonight,needingafewhours’peacefromtheworrythatconstantlyfollowedmearound,but

somehowIwasfailingevenatthat.“Lily’slatestsurgerybillcame.”

“Sorry,man.”Iantippedhisbeer,clinkingthebottleagainstmine.“LetmeknowifIcanhelp.”

Inodded.I’dneveraskhimforhelp,andwebothknewit,butstill,justthatheofferedmeantalot.

Ian and I had been friends since the eighth grade when I moved here to live with my grandparents. He

knewallaboutmysisterLily,andtheconditionthatleftherpoorlittlespineandlegstangledandtwisted.

Aftermyparents’three-strikes-you’re-outmethbustthatlandedthembothinprisonwhenshewasthree,

andmygrandparentseachpassingwithinayearafterthat,I’dhadsolecustodyofher.Shewassixnow

andasassylittlethingthatdidn’tknowthemeaningoftheworddisabled.ItwasoneofthemanythingsI

lovedaboutthatlittlegirl.Buthercarewasn’tcheap,whichleftmeconstantlyworryingaboutmoney.

Ian,alifelongmartial-artsenthusiast,hadintroducedmetocagefightingacoupleofyearsago.It

wasaperfectfit.Theopportunitytoearnfastmoneyandtakeoutmypent-upaggressionallatonce.Butit

wasn’tenough.Andthenmylatestdumbassventurecamealong.RickhadapproachedbothIanandI,butI

wastheonlyonehardupenoughforcashtoconsiderit.Ortheonlyonedumbenough,takeyourpick.Ian

knewIwasworkingforRick,butdidn’twantanyofthedetails,soofcourseIhadn’tmentionedmylate-

nightvisittotheER.

AftergettingthebillforLily’slatestsurgery,Irealizeditwasn’tjustawell-payingjobIneeded,it

wasonethatcamewithhealthinsurance,too.ButifIcouldstickitoutandfilmevenacoupleofvideos,

I’dhavemorethanenoughtopaythebill.ThenIcouldfocusoncleaningupmyactandgettingarealjob,

forLily’ssake.

RealizingIwaslostinmythoughtsagain,Ianclearedhisthroat.“Stopstressing,bro.Yougetplenty

ofthatduringtheweek.Wehaven’tbeenoutinGodknowshowlong,andsinceyouhaveababysitterfor

Liltonight,weneedtomakegooduseofthistime.”

“Yeah? And how do we do that?” Hitting the gym for a late workout session, followed by a hot

shower and my bed sounded like a perfectly good use of my time.I didn’t even think I was capable of

catchingabuzzatthemoment.

“Forstarters,weneedtomakegettingsomepussyprioritynumberone.”

Ishookmyhead,notabouttoexplaintohimthattomorrowI’dbegettingplentyofthatonset.And

withthatbillhangingovermyhead,Isureasshitneededtoperformthistime.

Iantippedhisheadtowardaboothacrosstheroom.“AndIthinkyou’reinluck,bro.Thosegirls

overtherearestaringatyou.”

Iturnedfromthebar,drawingmybeeruptomylipsasIscannedtheroom.Withajoltofsurprise,I

spottedtheprettylittlenursefromtheothernight,seatedinaboothwithacoupleoffriends.

Whatthehell?

Theotherwomanatthetablewavedmeover.

“Doyouknowthem?”heasked.

“Yeah.Sorta.”IthrewafewbillsonthecounterandtoldIanI’dseehimlater.Isaunteredoverto

wheretheysat.

“Heythere,sexy,”Alexa’sfriendsaid,trailingherfingersdownmyforearm.“Sawyourwebsite.

Thatshitwashot.”

My eyes flew to Alexa’s. She’d told her friends about what I did? And what… Googled me?

“Alexa?”

Sheblushedandbitherbottomlip.“HiCade.”

Shewasn’tevengoingtodenyit?IsupposedIhadtogetusedtothefactthatpicturesofmycock

weresplashedallovertheInternet,andthatvideoswouldsoonfollow.IhadafilmshoottomorrowthatI

had to get through. I’d given Rick a piece of my mind about hiring girls that looked so young, and he

promisedhe’dpairmewithMollie,anexperiencedproIwassuretolove,ifIgaveitanothershot.

“Haveaseat,Cade.OrisitSebastian?”Alexa’sfriendasked.“I’mMacKenziebytheway,andthis

is Tyson.” She motioned to the guy seated with them. He gave me a weak smile, looking just as

uncomfortableasIwas.

Iremainedstanding.“CallmeCade.”

Alexa’s gaze travelled down the length of my chest and stomach, stopping just below my belt

buckle.Icouldn’thelpthesmirkthattuggedatmymouth,andsheknewshehadjustbeencaught.Shelet

outahuffofbreath,foldedherarmsonthetableandlayherheaddowntorest.

“Isshedrunk?”Islidinnexttoher.

MacKenzienodded,proudly.“Yep.It’shertwenty-firstbirthday.”

“Happybirthday.”

Alexapeekedone eye open and looked up at me. “Thanks,” she grumbled before letting her eyes

fallclosedagain.

“Perfecttiming,”MacKenziesaid,leaningforwardonherelbows.“WewerejustdiscussingLex’s

birthdaypresent.”

AlexarousedfromhersleepystateandslappedahandoverMacKenzie’smouth.“No,Kenz.”

MacKenziedutifullyremovedAlexa’shandandsqueezedit,beforeplacingitonthetable.“Hush.

Youshouldbethankingmerightnow.Yousee,Alexahereisavirgin,andwhatbetter birthday present

thantolosehervirginitytosomeoneskilledatgivingfemalepleasure?Imean,youdothisforaliving.”

Shekickedupaneyebrow.“Right?”

Ipulledbackaswigofmybeer.Wasshefuckingkiddingme?“Well,yeah,Imightknowathingor

twoaboutthat...”Itookanothermouthfulfrommybottletoshutmyselfup.Imean,sure,nobodyhadever

complainedbefore,butthatdidn’tmeanIwasthehotshotpornstartheysawonthewebsite.Exceptthey

allthoughtIwas.Hell.

Alexa looked up and met my gaze, her eyes wide with curiosity. Christ. She couldn’t look at me

likethat,orIwasn’tgoingtobeabletoholdittogether.

Even though I believed it, I had a hard time understanding how she could still be a virgin on her

twenty-first birthday. She was beautiful, pure and innocent. Her hair flowed in soft curls over her

shoulders,restingjustatthetopofherfullbreasts.Shewasfuckingperfection,andshedidn’tevenknow

it.Herskinlookedsosoft,Iwantedtoreachacrossthetableandstrokemythumbalonghercheekjustto

provetomyselfthatitcouldn’tpossiblybeassoftasitlooked.Isettledinsteadfortakinganotherdrink.

Atthisrate,Iwasgoingtoneedanotherbeerreallysoon.

MacKenzie raised her glass in the air, as if to toast herself. “Best idea ever!” She signaled the

waitressandaskedforaroundofshotsforthetable.“Patronokay?”

I nodded my indifference. Mostly I just wanted to know what Alexa was thinking right at that

momentandwhatexactlyshehadtoldherfriendsaboutme.

The shots arrived and I took the glass from Alexa’s fumbling fingertips. “No more for you,

cupcake.”Idownedbothmyshotandhers,oneaftertheother,theliquorburningonitswaydown.

Shepouted,andtookasipofthewaterIpushedinfrontofher.Butaswewatchedeachother,her

lipspartedandherbreathsgrewfaster.Sheleanedforwardininterest,ashakysmileonherlipsthatgrew

bolder with each passing second. A bark of laughter from her friend Tyson surprised us all. “Are you

fuckingkiddingme?Thisguy?No.Alexa,ifyou’rereallygoingtodothis,itshouldbeme.Notsomeguy

youdon’tevenknow,whoprobablyhasGod-knows-whatkindofdiseases.”

Alexaswallowedvisibly.Asinsaneasthisideawas,itwasherdecision.Iforcedmymouthshut,

andkeptmyfacecomposed.AlowwaveofnervesrollingthroughmystomachtoldmeIwantedthis—I

wantedher—morethanIhadanyrightto.

“Okay,”shesqueaked.“Justletmethink.”Shepressedherfingerstohertemples.

Anunexpectedsurgeofprotectivenesssprungupinsideme,andIfoundmyselfholdingmybreath.

MacKenzie shook her head. “Lex, please, please, I beg of you, on behalf of women everywhere.

Havehot,kinkysexwiththepornstar.Tysonwillalwaysbearound.”Shewavedinhisdirectionandhe

narrowedhiseyesather.

Onethingwasclearasdaytome.Tysonhadfeelingsforher.Realfeelings.Ishouldprobablystop

cock-blockingthepoorbastard,butthelookinAlexa’seyestoldmeshedidn’treturnhisfeelings. Not

onebit.Hereyeswandereddownmychestagainandshebitherlip.Hercheeksflushedpink. She was

growing turned on by just the thought of being with me. Fuck, I was going to get hard right here if she

didn’tstoplookingatmelikethat.

Tysonsethisdrinkdown.“Comeon,Lex,thisisn’tyou.Youplaythingssafe.You’renot going to

do…him”hetippedhisheadtowardme“andweallknowit.”

Shefrownedandpulledherbottomlipintohermouth,consideringhiswords.“I’msickofeveryone

thinking I’m Miss Goody Two-shoes, with my perfect grades, and days of the week panties. You know

what?IhavemyWednesdaysontoday—it’sSaturday—andthat’saprettysadwayofrebelling,huh?”

Days of the week? Damn, picturing her in her panties was doing nothing to tame my overactive

libido.

“Wellforgetthat!I’mdoingthis.”Alexastraightenedhershoulders,whichpushedhertitsout.That

little tank top she was wearing left very little to the imagination. And fuck it to hell, her nipples were

hard. That protective surge I’d felt earlier was back, nagging at me more insistently. I would not stand

backandletjustanyonetouchthatprettylittlepussyofhers.I’dkickTyson’sasstokeephimawayfrom

herifIhadto.Whichwouldn’tbedifficult,consideringIwasreadytoknockhisteethinifhelookedat

herlikethatagain.

“Lex?”Tysonasked,hisvoicesoftandpleading.

Alexa’s eyes were back on mine, drinking me in. She just sat there blinking up at me, waiting

expectantly.Ohfuck,Iwasgoingtohell.

“Fuckit,I’lldoitmyself,”Igrowled.

Her swift intake of breath at my declaration made the hair on the back of my neck stand. I

swallowedroughly.“Butnottonight.You’vehadtoomuchtodrink.”

Hermouthdroppedopeninsurprise.

“Doyouhaveapen?”ImotionedtoMacKenzie’sgiantpursesittingonthetable.Shejumpedinto

action, rooting around inside and seconds later, thrust a pen toward me. I reached across the table and

turnedoverAlexa’sarm,brushingthesoftfleshwithmythumb.HerskinwasassoftasI’dimagined,and

thesensationstoppedmeinmytracksforasecond.“Ifyoustillwanttotomorrow,andIdoubtyouwill,

sweetheart,meetmehere.”Iscribbledtheaddressalongherinnerarm,tossedsomebillsonthetableand

left.

Chapter4

Alexa

“Alexa.”Mymother’sdisapprovingtonedemandedmyattention.Shetappedared lacquered nail

againstthetable.“Youlookamess.Ihopeyournightoutwithyourfriendswasworthit.”

I straightened the sundress around my knees, and shifted in my seat. Though my memories of the

nightbeforeweresomewhatfoggy,aslowsmilecrossedmylips.Itwaseverythingatwenty-firstbirthday

wassupposedtobe.Andthismorning,I’dhadthehangoverfromhelltoproveit.

Shedugthroughherpurse,offeringmeacompact.“Youneedsomeconcealer.”Theonlythingmy

mother criticized more than my poor manners were my looks, and though applying makeup in public

would have typically earned me an exasperated sigh, apparently things were dreadful enough that

immediate intervention was warranted. That and I guess being tucked back in the tall booth of a dim

restaurantwasn’texactlypublic.

Itookhercompactandflippeditopen,inspectingmyappearance.There were dark circles under

myeyes,andmyhairhunglimplyaroundmyfacesinceIhadn’thadtimethismorningtodryit.Itwistedit

intoalow,loosebunandsecureditwithafewpinsdugfromthebottomofmypurse.ThenIswipedsome

oftheconcealerundermyeyesuntilIwassatisfieditwasthebestIcoulddo.

“That’sbetter,”mymothersaid,holdingoutherhandtoretrievethecompact.

Wewerewaitingformyfathertoarrive,andsofarhewasanentiresevenminuteslate.Iwassure

he’dgetanearfulaboutitlater.Mymotherhadchosentherestaurant–ahigh-endsteakhouse.Iwasnever

muchofameateater,butsheandmydadwereonahigh-proteindiet.Iscannedthemenuforsomething

thatdidn’tmakemewanttohurl.IdecidedonaCaesarsaladwithgrilledshrimp.

Myfatherarrived,slippingintotheboothbesidemymotherandofferingherachastepeckonthe

cheekinapology.“SorryI’mlate.Businessmeetingranover.”Hereachedacrossthetableandgavemy

handasqueeze.

Inodded.“It’sokay,Daddy.”

Iknewmydadhadastressfuljob.Hewasapartneratanaccountingfirmandworkedhardtogive

meandmymothereverythingandthensome.Icouldn’tbemadathimforbeingafewminuteslatetoa

lunchIdidn’twanttobeateither.

Mystomachwasstillqueasyfromlastnight,andInibbledonbreadandsippedmywaterwhilemy

parentsdiscussedtheupgradestheyhadplannedtoourvacationhomeinAspen.My mind wandered to

lastnight’sevents.Oh,allright,directlybacktoCade.ThismorningwhileI’dstoodunderthesteaming

hotsprayoftheshower,scrubbinghisaddressfrommyforearm,Icouldn’thelpbutrememberhissexy,

challengingsmile.

Seriously,whointhe hell arranges a meeting to lose their virginity? It wasn’t like I was actually

goingtogothroughwithhavingsexwithapornstar,andacompletestrangeratthat.God,wasthatinsane

or what? I really needed to keep MacKenzie on a tighter leash. This was all her doing. When I

remembered the look she gave me when I admitted that I was a virgin, I shuddered. Even Tyson had

jumpedin,sayinghe’dbehappytomakemeawomanhimself.Toobadtherewaszeroattractionthere.

He was a nice guy, and I knew he’d do anything for me—but that? No thanks. It’d be like kissing my

brother.Gross.

The look on Cade’s face at hearing Ty step up to the plate was pure anger, and when his eyes

flashedtominetheywerefilledwithsomethingelse…Longing?No.Icouldn’tthinkaboutthepossibility

ofdesireinCade’sexpression.Thathadmeshudderingforanentirelydifferentreason.

Butwhatwasetchedmostdeeplyintomymemorywasthesmuglookonhisface,thecertaintythatI

wouldn’thavethegutstoshowuptoday.

That, coupled with my mother’s disapproving glances and not-so-subtle hints about setting me up

withPeterWyndhamIIIwereenoughtoconvinceme.EventhoughI’dscrubbedawayeverytraceofhis

writingfrommyskin,Irememberedtheaddress.715EvergreenTerrace.

NotthatIwasactuallygoingtogo.God,couldyouimagine?Sorry,MomandDad,Ihavetocut

thishorrendouslunchshorttogomeetapornstarsoIcanlosemyvirginity.Ha!Ichokedonmywater

attheabsurdity.

Thefewbitesofsolidfoodinmystomachandmultipleglassesoficedwaterhadreturnedmetomy

formerself.IwouldgotoCade—butonlytotellhimoff.Whothehelldidhethinkhewas?Offeringhis

serviceslikeitwasatotalinconvenienceforhim,butstillagreeingtotakemyvirginity?Ishuddered.He

wasabouttogetanearful.

Myparentsinsistedondessert,sinceitwasmybirthdayafterall,soIforceddownseveralbitesof

cheesecakebeforesayinggoodbyetomyparents.Oncetheyweregone,I made my way to the restroom

insidetherestaurantandscannedmyappearanceinthefull-lengthmirror.Iadjustedthespaghettistrapsof

theform-fitting,cream-coloredsundressandsmoothedthefabricovermyhips.Everythingaboutmylook,

from the coral gloss on my lips to my French-pedicured feet encased in gold designer sandals ensured

CadewouldunderstandIwaswayoutofhisleague.SatisfiedIlookedasgoodasIcouldmanageona

hangoverIstraightenedmyshouldersandgrabbedmyhandbag.ThishadnothingtodowithseeingCade

again,andeverythingtodowithlettinghimseewhathe’dneverhave.

WhenIpulledupinfrontof715EvergreenTerrace,Ifiguredtherehadtobesomesortofmistake.

He’dprobablygivenmeafakeaddress,sinceIdoubtedCade,theporn-starhottielivedinthissuburban,

middle-classneighborhood.

Iputmycarintoparkandswitchedofftheengine.Thehouseitselfwassmall,butneatandtidy,its

whitesidingfreshlypainted.Arowoftrimmedhedgesborderedthesmallyard.

Ablackpick-uptruckwasparkedinthedriveway,butotherthanthat,therewasnotellingifanyone

washome.Icheckedmyappearanceintherearviewmirroronelasttime,tookadeepbreathandleftthe

safetyofmycarbeforeIchickenedoutcompletely.

Ididn’tgetveryfar.Aschoolbushadstoppedonthecorner,lettingoffasmallarmyofchildren.

The noisy kids scattered in different directions, parading home along the streets and sidewalks, but my

attentionwasmomentarilycapturedbyabright-eyedlittlegirl,smallerthanalltherest,whohobbledher

waypastmewiththehelpofatinywalker.Shesparedmeacuriousglance,butcontinuedon,hereyes

shiningwithdetermination.

“Caden!”shecalled,strugglingtomakeherlegscarryherinthedirectionofthehouse,whereCade

hadappearedonthefrontlawn.Hecrossedthelastfewfeetseparatingthemandliftedhereasilyfromthe

ground,thewalkermomentarilyleftaside.

“How was school, baby girl?” He planted a kiss in her blonde curls before lowering her to the

ground.

“Itwasgood.Icoloredapictureofabutterflyforyoutoday.”

“Yeah?Thatsoundsrealnice.Isitinyourbackpack?”

Shenodded,hercurlsbouncingasshedidso.Thepinkbackpackwasnearlyasbigasshewas.I

thoughtmaybehe’dtakethebagfromhershoulders,orhelpheruptherampthatleduptotheporch,but

hejustlookedonproudlyasherlittlefigureslowlyshuffledupward, pushing the walker out in front of

herwitheachstep.

ThelittlegirlhadcapturedCade’scompleteattentionandhe’dyettoevennoticeme.

“Cade?”Myvoicesoundedshakyanduneveneventomyownears.

Hespunaroundandlookedatme,stillwaitingbymycaratthecurb. “Alexa?” Confusion etched

intohisfeatures,creasinghisbrow.

Shit.Isoshouldnothavecome.Allmyearliervenomaboutwantingtotellhimoffhadevaporated

atwatchinghimwiththelittlegirl.

I watched as he connected the dots in his head, and the surprised expression on his face

disappeared,aslowsmilecurvinghislips.“Soyoureallywanttogothroughwithit,doyou?”

Andthevenomwasback.Imarchedacrosstheyard,stoppingjustinfrontofhim,and jabbed my

fingerintohischest.“I’mnotheretohavesexwithyou,yousleazebag.Youdidn’tthinkI’dshow,soI

onlycameheretoproveyouwrong.”

Thefrontdooropenedandthelittlegirlpeekedout.“Caden?”Hervoicewasfullofquestionsand

hereyeswidenedatthesightofmesoclosetoCade.Idroppedmyhandfromhischestandsteppedback.

Itwashardtobemadathimwhensuchasweetlittlegirlobviouslyadoredhim.

“It’sokay,Lily.Goonbackinthehouse.I’llbeintohelpyouwithyourstretchesinjustaminute.”

Shescratchedherbellyandsighed.“Canyoumakemeapeanutbutterandjelly?”

Hechuckled.“Surewill.Goturnonyour‘toonsforaminute.”

“M’kay!”shecalledhappily,closingthedoorbehindherasshedisappearedinside.

“Isshe…yours?”

He ran a hand across his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. “Lily’s my sister, but I have full

custody.Ihavesinceshewasthree.”

“Oh.”Hewasraisinghislittlesister?Itookastepbackattheweightofthisnewinformation.The

strongbondbetweenthemwasundeniable.“Isitscoliosis?”Iaskedsoftly.

“Spinabifida,”hesaid,hiseyesfaraway.

“Oh,”Isaidagain.Iknewitwasacripplingchildhooddiseasethatleftthespinetwistedandoften

affectedthelegs,butnotmuchelse.“I’msorry.”

“Wemanage,”hebitout.

“I can see that. Look, I’m sorry. Why don’t we just forget I ever came here?” I wanted to take

anotherstepback,todisappearentirely,butIremainedwhereIwas,fightingtheurgetorun.

“Whydidyoucomehere?”Hisgazesparkedwithcuriosity,thechallengeinhistoneunmistakable.

Hiseyesrakedovermyskin, and sent a brief chill skittering down my spine. I cursed myself for

wearing this damn sundress and for how much skin was showing. My breasts pressed against the thin

cotton fabric, reminding me this dress didn’t accommodate for a bra and left me feeling a little too on

display.Ihatedhowhismerepresenceleftmeoffbalanceandreeling.

“Atleastalittlepartofyouwascurious.Youwouldn’thaveshownupotherwise.”Hetouchedmy

shoulder,histhumbbrushingalongtheexposedfleshnexttothestrapofmydress.

My eyes shut briefly at the intensity in his caress, and I uselessly opened and closed my mouth,

unabletorespond.Heckyeah,Iwascurious.Iwascuriouswhathisstubble-coveredjawwouldfeellike

againstmyskinandwhathisfullmouthwouldfeellikecoveringmine.

Hedroppedhishand,seeminglyunawareofthepanty-meltingeffecthewashavingonme.“Justso

you know, I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, or take advantage. I was trying to preserve some of your

dignity.Youronefriendwaspracticallyauctioningyouoff,andyourotherfriendwasreadytowhipout

hisdickandtakeyourightthere.Youshouldbethankingme.”

Thankinghim?Yeah, right. But I guess it had put him in an awkward situation, too. “Well, I only

cameheretotellyounevermind.ThatIwasn’tinterested.”

“Really? That’s why you drove all the way over here?” One of his eyebrows quirked upward in

disbelief.

Mycheeksreddened.Isupposedcuriosityhadmorethanalittletodowithit…Well,that,andI’d

havedonejustaboutanythingtogetawayfrommymother’safternoonshoppingplansforus.

“Webothknowthere’smoretoitthanthat.Asmallpartofyouwantsthis,butIcanbepatient.I’ve

gotallthetimeintheworld.”

HewasrightthatIdidwantit,butIwasn’tabouttotellhimthat.His cockiness was now really

beginningtogetonmynerves.“Getoveryourself.It’llbeacolddayinhellwhenIcomeaskingyoufor

sex.”

He laughed at my sudden outburst, the sound full and throaty. “Whatever you say, cupcake.” He

glancedbackatthehousewhereIknewhissisterwaswaitingforhim.

Hearinghimmentionabouthelpingherwithherstretchessentmymindtumblinginthedirectionof

nursingschool,andtryingtorememberwhatIknewaboutissueswiththespine.“Doesshegotophysical

therapy?”

“Notanymore.Icouldn’taffordtokeepitup,soIhadthetherapistteachmetheexercisesIcould

dowithherathome.”

“Oh.”Iseemedtokeepsayingthat,increasinglyfindingmyselfatalossforwords.Overthepast

fewminuteshe’dtransformedfromanultra-sexy,bad-for-youpornstarintoaloving,caringhumanbeing.

He clearly loved his sister and worried over her condition. I didn’t know what to do with this new

information.“Ihavetogo.Besides,youhaveaPBandJtomake.”Iheldmyfaceimpassive,tryinglike

hellnottolethimseejusthowconfusedIwasbecoming.

“Yeah, okay.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his forearms flexing with movement, a smug

smilestillonhislips.

Iturnedandheadedfor my car, his chuckle grating over my skin for what I assumed was the last

time.HowwrongIwas.

Chapter5

Cade

IstalkedinsidetofindLilyplantedinfrontoftheTV,happilywatchingher‘toons.Iheadedbackto

thekitchentofixhersnack.AsIsmearedpeanutbutteronthebread,Ishookmyheadindisbeliefoverthe

realization that Alexa had actually shown up. And I strongly doubted it was to tell me off, like she’d

implied.Icouldreadthecuriosityonherfaceasclearasday.

Icouldalsotellshewastooprimandpropertoletherselfactonherunbiddendesires.Iknewher

type—diamond-studdedearrings,anexpensivewatch,andtoo-highexpectations.Girlslikethatdidn’tgo

forguyslikeme.No,theywantedsomedouchebagnamedScottwhowaswell-manneredandsatbehind

adeskallday,doingfuckknowswhat,butpullinginanicefatpaycheckeveryweek.

Shehadthefaceofanangel.Ihadn’tbeenabletoresistbrushingmyfingerspastherskintoseeif

shefeltassoftasshelooked.Andwhenhereyesflutteredclosedatmytouch,mycockjerkedinmyjeans.

Iwastwenty-two,notfifteen,butdamnifmydickknewit.

*****

“Mollie’shere.You’regoingtofuckingloveher,”Rickassuredme.

Atall,thin girl entered the room. She was built for sin, dressed in a black garter belt, stockings,

blacklacebraandsky-highheels.Longredhaircascadedoverhershouldersanddownherback.

“Sebastian?”sheaskedassheapproached.

“Nicetomeetyou.”Iofferedhermyhand.Icouldn’tbelieveIwasactuallygoingthroughwith it.

ButIhadto—formyownstubbornmalepride,nottomentionthemoney.

Shelookedwrylyatmyprofferedhandandsteppedincloser,separatinganydistancebetweenus

andpattedmynakedchest.“Oh,youarefuckinggorgeous,honey.Thisisgoingtobefun.”

I chuckled as a wave of shyness crested through me. I didn’t even know this girl’s real name—

assumingitwasn’tMollie—and I was about to fuck her.ButIfigured it wasn’t much different than the

fewtimesI’dtakengirlshomefromthebarwithoutevenknowingtheirlastnames.Maybeitfeltdifferent

becauseIwassober.Oh,andbecausetherewasaroomfullofpeoplewatchingus.

“Ricktoldmeit’syourfirsttimeonfilm.Don’tworryabouttryingtoohard.Justhavefun.And I

won’tgetoffwithallthesepeoplewatchingme,sodon’tworryaboutthat.It’llstillfeelgoodtome,so

justdoyourthing.Okay?”

Inodded.“Yougotit.”Ilikedheralready.FromwhatI’dseen,shewasgoingtobeeasytowork

with.

Rick’s production company prided itself on exploring the intimate side of sex, rather than being

typical hard-core porn. In this scene, we were lovers who’d been separated for a long time. I was

arriving home from a business trip to find her waiting for me in lingerie. I was now dressed in dress

slacks,ashirtandtietocompletethescene.Webeganatthefrontdoor,wherethefilmcrewcaptureda

fewinitialscenesofuskissing.

Oncewe’dfilmedthatbriefscene,wemovedtothebedroom,withfull-onlights and sound crew.

Cameraswerestationedaroundtheroom,allpointingdirectlyatthebed.

Rickbusiedhimself with the crew making sure everything was set the way he wanted it and then

camebacktostandinfrontofmeandMollie.“We’resettostartrolling,soyoutwogoingaheadandget

startedwhenyou’reready.We’rejustheretocaptureyourlovemakingasithappens.Soletitbenatural,”

hetoldus.

I heard the telltale click of the camera recording and I moved toward Mollie, then hesitated and

glanceddownatmypantsandtheabsenceofanybulge.Notagain.Thefuckerhad better cooperate this

time.

Noticing my scowl, Mollie followed my gaze. Without a word, she reached down and began

rubbingmeoverthematerialofmyslacks.“Sh.Noneedtobenervous,”shesaidsoftly.“Justrelax.This

ismyjob.”SheleanedintokissmeandIfeltmyselfrelax.Andevenbetter,Ifeltmydickstirto life. I

kissedherback,addingsometongueuntilwewereenthusiasticallymakingoutandthelinebetweenwork

andpleasurewasdefinitelybeingcrossed.

Imovedhertothebed,unhookingherbraandtuggingdownherpantiesaswekissed.

Andafewmomentslater,Iwassinkinginsideher,allthestandardforeplayItypicallyexcelledat

rendered unnecessary. Mollie rode me like the goddamn pro that she was, tossing her hair back and

grippingmythighsassheliftedherselfupanddownonmycock.

Ikeptmyeyestrainedonher,needingtostayinthesceneandnotlookatthecrewwhowereglued

to our performance. The strangeness of the whole situation ensured I wasn’t going to blow too soon,

somethingI’dbeenalittleworriedabout.

MyminddriftedunconsciouslytoAlexaandthewayshelookedinthatlittlesundress. Her sweet

innocence coupled with that feisty mouth of hers left me both turned on and confused. But I knew if I

channeledmydesireforAlexaintothisperformance,Iwouldloseit.Iopenedmyeyesandrefocusedon

thegirlinfrontofme.

Molliemoanedandgaspedouthigh-pitchedscreechesthatsoundedincrediblyfake.Iwastypically

quietduringsex,preferringtohearthesoundsofpleasurefromthegirlIwaswith,butherfake-sounding,

over-the-topmoansweregratingonmynerves.HerscreamsbuiltlouderandIknewshewasfakingher

orgasm.Whenherscreamsquietedtosoftcries,herfakeclimaxcomplete,allwithoutanyofthepleasure

offeelingherpussypulsearoundme,IpulledoutandrolledherontoherstomachsoIcouldfuckherfrom

behindandfinishthisinrelativepeace.

Chapter6

Alexa

Overthenextseveraldays,Icouldn’tgetCadeoutofmyheadnomatterhowhardItried.Itdidn’t

help that I’d visited the porn website several times after finding he now had a video clip posted. I’d

watcheditnumeroustimes,studyingthewayshishandsexploredthegirl’sbody,andtherockingmotion

ofhishipsthrustinginsideher,andtheexpressionsofpleasureonhischiseledfeatures.EachtimeI’dfelt

so dirty afterwards I’d had to scrub myself pink in the shower and bring some relief to my throbbing

sexualneed,allthewhilepromisingmyselfIwouldn’twatchitagain.

Remembering his gentle nature with his sister made me feel even worse about using him for my

viewing pleasure. Yet I still couldn’t keep my promise to myself about not watching the video. It was

becominganightlyroutine,andhadbegunhauntingmydreams.Hestillonlyhadtheonevideoclip, and

I’dwatcheditsomanytimesInowhaditmemorized.AfterrealizinghowsilentCadewas,Iwatchedit

onmutefromthenon,notwantingtoruinitbylisteningtothegirl’sannoyingscreams.

Inthedaysthatfollowed,mythoughtsdriftedrepeatedlytoCade’ssweetlittlesisterandthefierce

determinationthatburnedinhereyes.Itbrokemyhearttorealizetheycouldn’taffordphysicaltherapy,

andIinadvertentlyfoundmyselfvisitingthephysicaltherapywingtoaskafewquestionsofthetherapist.

ItturnedoutthattheseverityofLily’simpairmentcouldrangefromminorandnotrequiringmuchongoing

care,tosevere,requiringlifelongphysicaltherapytohelpwithflexibilityanddiscomfort.

I didn’t know which his sister had, but I had a pretty good notion that it was of the more serious

nature,sinceshecouldn’twalkunassisted.I’dwatchedasthetherapistworkedwithanotherchildonone

ofthosegiantexerciseballsandanideaplanteditselffirmlyinmymind.

*****

“Areyouinsane?”MacKenziethrustthethirdpapercupofvending-machinecoffeeof the night at

me.Itwashowwestayedawakeandalertonthemidnightshift.

Iacceptedthecupanddumpedinaheftydoseofsugar,knowingthebeverageneededittomakeit

drinkable.“Sosaysthewomanwhothoughtsleepingwithhimwas a good idea. That would have been

insane.I’mjusttalkingaboutgoingtoseehimagain.Ican’tstopthinkingaboutthatlittlegirl,Kenz.And

abouthowmaybeIcouldhelp.”

She shook her head. “Is this like the time you went to drop off groceries to the homeless people

underthebridgeandnearlygotabducted,orthetimeyouvolunteeredattheanimalshelterandalmostgot

eatenbythatpitbull?”

“No,”Igrumbled.“Thisisnothinglikethat.Ijustwanttodropby,checkonthem—Imeanher—and

seehowIcanhelp.Hesaidhecouldn’taffordherphysicaltherapy,Kenz.Shedeservesbetter.”

“Newsflash,you’renotaphysicaltherapist.You’reanursingstudent,Alexa.”

Itriedasipofthecoffee,needingtogetthecaffeineinmysystembeforemyten-minutebreakwas

over.Damn,stilltoohot.“Closeenough.I’llhavetodo.Thatis,ifhe’llevenacceptthehelp.”

“And this has nothing to do with seeing Cade again?” She cocked an eyebrow up at me

suspiciously.

Ifocusedonmycoffee,stirringinanotherspoonfulofsugarjustforgoodmeasure.

“Becauseallthatcrapaboutsleepingwithhim? I was kidding, babe. You’re sweet and beautiful.

Youdeservesomeonefreakin’amazeballs.Notsomeanimalwhosellshisbodyformoney.”

“Amazeballs?”Iquestioned,lookingupfrommycoffee.

“Ah-maze-balls,”sheconfirmedwithastraightface.

Igiggledather.“I’vegottogetbacktowork.Justtrustmeonthisone,okay?”Idownedascalding

gulpofthecoffeeandthrewthecupinthetrashonmywayintothehall.

“It’syourvagina!”shecalledafterme,hervoicecarryingoutintothehallway.

IcringedasthedoctorpassingbymeperkedupattheVwordbeingshoutedinourdirection.

*****

Maybethiswasastupididea.Aftersleepinglate,I’dshoweredanddressedcasuallyinapairof

jeansandasimpleblacktanktop,andthenaftermakingastopatasporting-goodsstore,Iwascurrently

parkedinfrontofCade’shouseonceagain.

I’dshownupthesametimeasbefore,thinkinghe’dbeheretomeethissisteroffthebusagain,but

hispickuptruckwasn’tinthedriveway.

Igrabbedtheexerciseballandpumpfromthebackseatandmademywaytohouse.

Momentslater,anattractivegirlansweredthedoor.Shelookedtobearoundmyage,maybeayear

ortwoyounger,andshewasprettywithlongblondehairthathungdownherbackandwide-setgrayeyes.

Mystomachdropped.WasthisCade’sgirlfriend?

Shit.Didpornstarshavegirlfriends?Thatwouldrequirealotoftrust.Imean,geez,hesleptwith

otherwomenforaliving.

“CanIhelpyou?”

I stood there for a second, still thrown off by this girl’s appearance and the question of her

relationshipwithCade,untilIrealizedIhadn’tansweredheryet.“IsCadehome?”

Sheshookherhead.“He’sworking.Whoareyou?”

Iswalloweddownalumpinmythroat.“I’mAlexa,a…friendofhis.AndIbroughtthis,”Iheldup

theexerciseball,“forLily.I’manurse.”Almost.Friend?Nurse?Geez,thelieswerejustspewingfrom

mymouth.

“Oh.Okay.”Sheopenedthedoorwider.“Lilywillbehomeinafewminutes.Youcancomeinand

wait.I’mBecca,bytheway.”

Ifollowedherinthehouse,wonderingwhatintheworldIwasdoingandwhotheheckBeccawas.

Chapter7

Cade

I parked my truck and wondered where the hell Becca’s car had gone. Had she taken Lily

somewhere? I didn’t like the idea of Becca driving Lily around in that deathtrap of hers. I grabbed my

toolboxfromthebedofthetruckandstasheditinthegaragebeforeheadinginside.

I was greeted by sounds of giggling coming from Lily’s room. So Lily was here, but what about

Becca?Istoppedatthekitchensinktowashthegrimefrommyhandsandthenheadeddownthehallto

findoutwhatwasgoingon.

Thesightthatgreetedmewasn’tatallwhatIwasexpecting.Lilywaslyingonabigexerciseball

andAlexawaskneelingbesideher,helpinghertorollacrosstheball.I watched in stunned fascination

forasecondtryingtounderstandwhatshewasdoinghereandwherethehellBeccahadgoneto.

“Caden!”Lilyshrieked,spottingmeinthedoorway.Sheliftedherselffromtheballonshakylegs,

crossingthefewstepswithoutherwalkerandthrowingherselfintomyarms.

“Hibabydoll.”Ipulledherlittlebodytomineinabriefhug.“Whatareyouguysdoing?”Iwanted

toaskAlexawhatthefuckshewasdoinginmyhouse,butthegrinonLily’sfacecalmedme.

“Lexa is teaching me some new exercises for my legs!” She returned to the ball, and bounced

excitedlywhileAlexagrinnedatherandhelditsteady.Lily’scheekswereflushedpinkandIhadtoadmit

Ihadn’teverseenherthisexcitedtodoherstretches.Ijusthopedshewasn’toverdoingit.

“That’s…nice.Um,Alexa,canIhaveawordwithyouintheotherroom?”Iturnedfortheliving

roomwithoutwaitingforherresponse.

“Stay here while I talk to Cade, okay?” I heard her say to Lily. She followed me into the living

room,worryetchedonherface.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?Where’sBecca?”

“IcameovertoseeLilyandthenBeccaleft.”

“Sheleft?ThepersonI’mpayingtobabysitherjustlefther,with…you.Whatareyouevendoing

here?”

“Itreallyisn’tabigdeal.”

“It’sabigfuckingdealtome.”Iturnedandfacedthewindow,notwantingtolosemytemperonher.

Damn,ItrustedBecca.HowcouldshejustleaveLilyalonewithastranger?

“Hey.”Alexa’shandonmyforearmcaughtmyattention.“ItoldherIwasafriendofyours,and a

nurse.Ithinksheassumed…”

“ThatyouwereLily’snurse?”

“Somethinglikethat.”Sheshruggedandremovedherhandfrommyarm.

Iblewoutabreathandpressedtheheelsofmyhandsacrossmyeyes.FuckIwasexhaustedand

dirtyfromworkingconstructionallday.Ididn’texpecttocomehometothis.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to help,” Alexa squeaked out in a soft voice. “Becca left only five minutes

beforeyougothere.Andshedidtrytocallyourcell,butshecouldn’tgetthrough.”

Iopenedmyeyesandmethers.Softblueandwidewithworry.Shit.Iwasbeingadick.“Listen,it’s

allright.Lilyissafeandhappy.Ishouldn’thaveblownupatyoulikethat.Findinggoodhelptowatchher

ishard,andIdon’tthinkI’llbeusingBeccaagain,butthat’snotyourfault.”

“Don’tfireheronmyaccount.Itwasjustamisunderstanding,”shepleaded.

“I’llthinkaboutit.Attheveryleastwe’llbehavingalittletalkaboutsafetyandstrangersatthe

door.”Isighed,notwantingtoarguewithAlexa.“Thanksforworkingwithhertoday.”

Shepulledinabreathandhershouldersvisiblysaggedwithrelief.“You’rewelcome.”

“Ican’taffordaprivatenurse—”

“That’snotwhyIcame.Youdon’towemeanything.”

Icockedmyhead,studyingher.“Thenwhy did you come?” I honestly hadn’t expected to see her

again,andnowshewashere,inmyhouse,lookingsexyinapairoflow-risejeansandafittedtanktop

thatclungtoherchest.

Alexadidn’tgetachancetoanswermyquestion,becauseatthatmoment,Lilycamebarrelingdown

thehallway,herwalkerclatteringagainstthewoodfloor.“IwantLexa!”

Alexa met my eyes and we both smiled. Lily’s enthusiasm was contagious. “Do you mind, um,

stayingwithherforafewmoreminutes?Ineedtohopintheshower.”Ilookeddownatmygrimy jeans

andT-shirt.

“Sure,notaproblem.”

IkissedthetopofLily’shead.“Begood,okay?”

Shenoddedandlungedforme,wrappingherselfaroundmyleginahug.Iwinced,andbentover,

moving her out of the way from clobbering my nuts. Alexa held in a laugh, realizing what I was doing.

ThensheheadedbacktoherroomwithAlexa.Idisappearedintothebathroom,completelyconfusedat

thisturnofevents.

Alexawasinmyhouse,meltingmydamnheartbyhowsweetshewasbeingwithLil.

Icouldhearhappysoundsofconversationandlaughter,andIpokedmyheadoutofthebathroom

doortolistenin.

“Whatdoesyourbrotherlikefordinner?”Alexaasked.

Lily took her time answering, and I held my breath, wondering what she’d say. “Um, usually he

likestoeaticecream.AndIdotoo.”

“Youdo,huh?”Alexachuckled.“Welllet’sfindsomethinghealthytomakeandmaybewecanhave

icecreamafterdinner.”

I took my time in the shower, my mind momentarily at ease that Lily was in good hands. I let the

roughsprayofwaterbeatdownonme,andclosedmyeyes.

Aftermyshower,IthrewonjeansandaT-shirtandmademywayintoakitchenthatwasfilledwith

amazing smells. Garlic. Tomatoes. Roasting meat. My mouth watered. It had been a long time since

anyonehadcookedforme.

Alexawaswipingdownthekitchencounter,andIsuddenlyIfeltoutofplaceinmyownhome. I

didn’tknowwhethertogoinandhelpher,orseewhatLilywasupto.

Alexaspottedme,andmadethedecision.“Dinner’sready.GetLilyforme?”

InoddedandfoundLilyinthelivingroom,playingwiththeballfromearlier.

“Comeonmunchkin,let’seat.”Iliftedherontomyhip,andcarriedherintothekitchen.

Thetablehadbeensetwithabigplatterofspaghettiandmeatballs,andasmallcupofmilkforLily

andaglassoficewaterforme.

Lilystaredinwonderattheplacemats,napkinsanddishesfortwo.Herstomachrumbledloudly

andsheslappedalittlehandoverhermouthandgiggled.

Alexa’seyescaughtmineandwebothlaughed.

“Hungry,littleone?”Iasked,settlingherintoherchair.

“Yep.Andguesswhat?”

“What’sthat?”Iplacedanapkinoverherlap.

“IhelpedLexarollthemeatballs.”

“Ohyeah?Ibetthey’llbeextragoodthen.”

Shebaskedinthecompliment.Itwastimeslikethis,witnessinghersweetinnocenceanddesireto

belong,tofitin,thatpulledatmyheartandmadeeveryhourofhardworkworthit.

Alexagatheredupherpursefromthecounter.“Ihadfunwithyoutoday,Lily.”

“You’renotstaying?”Iasked.

“Oh,no.”Shelookeddown,adjustingthestrapofherpurse.“Youguysenjoy.”

“Butyouhaven’thaddinneryet,haveyou?”

Sheshookherhead.

I stood and directed her towards the table. “Sit.” I guided her into the chair next to mine then

retrievedanextraplateandsilverwarefromthekitchen,settingtheminfrontofher.“Here.”Iscoopedup

aheapofspaghettiforLilyfirst,thensomeforAlexa.

“Oh,that’stoomuch.”Alexagesturedtothefullplate.

“Mine’stoomuchtoo,”Lilysaid,grinningoveratAlexa.

“Hush.Bothofyougirlsaretoothin.Eatup.”

Isatdownanddugintomyownplate,notingthesatisfiedsmiletuggingatAlexa’slips.

Weenjoyedthedeliciouspastaandflavorfulmeatballsinrelativesilence.ForonceIdidn’thaveto

prodLilytostopplayingwithherfoodandeat.Shegulpedthefooddowngreedilyandwassooncoated

fromchintocheeksintomatosauce.Icouldn’thelpbutstealglancesatAlexathroughoutthemeal,andI

rememberedthatshehadn’tansweredmyquestionearlier.Iwonderedjustwhat,exactly,had prompted

hertocomeover.

“We’regoingtoneedtohoseyoudownoutback,Lils,”Ichuckled.

Sheslurpedthenoodledanglingbetweenherlipsandgrinned.“Noway!IwantLexatogivememy

bathtonight.”

AsmiletuggedatAlexa’smouth.

“Nottonight,babydoll.It’stoolateforabath.”

Lily pouted but let it drop. Alexa exchanged looks with me across the table, and I could tell she

wouldn’tmindhelping,buttherewasnowayIwasdoingthattoher.She’dalreadydonetoomuch.

Once we were through and Lily thoroughly wiped down, she escaped to play in her room while

AlexaandIlingeredatthetable.

Shetappedherfingersagainstthewoodsurface,studyingme.“SoItakeityouweren’tshootinga

newfilmtoday.”

“Ah,no.Iworkconstructionmostdays.Thatwasjusta…stupidmistake.”

“Soyoudon’tdoitanymore?”sheasked.

“I don’t plan on it, but the money’s damn good. And Lily’s healthcare costs…” I shook my head.

“Nevermind,Idon’tknowwhyI’mtellingyouallthis.”

Shetuckedherchindown,fiddlingwithherhandsinherlap,notmeetingmyeyes.

“Areyouthrough?”Inoddedtowardherplate.

“Yes,thankyou.”Shefoldedthenapkinandsetitontheemptydish.

I took our plates to the kitchen, and after a giving each a quick rinse, loaded them into the

dishwasher. Alexa had cleaned as she cooked, because the dishwasher was loaded with the pots and

implementsshe’dusedwhilepreparingsupper.Sheleanedagainstthecounterandwatchedmefinishthe

rest.

“Yousaiditwasamistake,butyoudidfilmonevideo…”Hervoicetrailedoffandhereyeswent

wide,likesheknewshe’dbeencaughtsnooping.

Mybreathcaughtinmythroatandmycockstirredinmyjeans.“You’veseenit?”Theideaofher

watchingmehavesexwithanotherwomanwas…incrediblyfuckinghot.

HercheeksflushedcrimsonandIknewshe’dnotonlyseenit,butprobablyevengottenherselfoff

whilewatchingit.Ah,hell.

Chapter8

Alexa

Lily’s sudden appearance in the kitchen couldn’t have come at a better time. I needed a heaping

doseofshutthehellup.I’dpracticallyadmittedtoCadethatI’dwatchedhimonvideo.God,Iprobably

sounded like a creeper. But that wasn’t why I was here. It was this sweet little girl. The fact that her

brothermademehotterthanhellwasbesidethepoint.

Ifollowedhertoherroomandhelpedhergetundressed,removingherleggingsandtunicwhileshe

kept one hand on her walker, holding herself up. I could tell that as she got tired, her coordination and

musclecontrolwentsouth.Shepointedtothedrawerwhereshekeptherjammies,informingmethatshe

wantedtheCinderellaones.Icouldn’thelpbutnoticethatthedraweralsoheldafewgentlyworn,adult-

sizedT-shirts.Cade’sIpresumed.Thosewereprobablyfull-lengthdressesonher.

I found the pink Cinderella nightgown trimmed in yellow lace and slipped it on over her head. I

notedasmallpuckeredscarfromarecentsurgeryandapronounceddimplewhereherspinehadfailedto

fuseproperlybeforebirth.Poorlittlething.Idelicatelytouchedthepatchofskin,wishingmyhandsheld

thepowertoheal.

Iliftedherintobedandsecuredthecoversaroundher.“Getsomerest,sweetpea.”Ibrushedher

blondecurlsbackfromherforeheadandleanedintopressakisstothecenterofit.Shesmiledsleepily

upatme,hereyesalreadybeginningtofallclosed.

“Night-night,Caden,”shewhispered.

Iturnedandsawhislargeformfillingtheopendoorway,hisexpressionserious.

Cade remained silent, but his eyes were locked on me. Watching everything I did, my every

movement with her. The intensity of his gaze sent a rush skittering along my spine. His look was both

curiousandpossessive.

Icreptfromtheroom,andhebackedawayfromthedoorway,allowingmetocloseitbehindus. I

stoodbeforehiminthehallway,whichsuddenlyfeltcrowdedandnarrow.

“Youprobablyhadbetterthingstodothanbabysitallafternoon.”Hisvoicewassoft,careful.

“No,it’sfine.”Icouldn’tbelieveI’dbeenhereforgoingonsixhours.Thetruthwasitwasnice

beinghere,feelinghelpfulandneeded.Itwasbetterthansittingaloneinmyemptyapartment,studying.

Hesteppedincloserandliftedahandtomycheek, brushing his thumb along the line of my jaw.

“Thanksfor…takingcareofher,”hesaid,hiscallusedthumbwhisperingadelicatepathalongmyskin.

Inodded,nottrustingmyvoicetowork.

“Doyouhavetogo…ordoyouhavetimetostayforadrink?”

Inoddedagain.

“Youhavetogo?”Hedroppedhishand.

“No,Icanstay.”

Alazygrintuggedatthecornerofhislips.“Comeon.Ihavebeer,andIthinkIcouldevenrustleup

abottleofwine.”

“Beerisfine.”Somethingicytocoolmeoffwouldbeperfect.

I headed to the living room while he collected two bottles from the fridge and joined me on the

couch.Thebeerwasrefreshingaftersuchalongday,andIleanedbackagainstthesofa,proppingmyfeet

uponthecoffeetable.Hegrinnedatme,asifinagreementthatitwastiringcaringforher.Ireturnedhis

smile,knowingshewaswortheverysecondofwork.

Iglancedaroundthesparselivingroom.Nofemininetouchhere.Nothrowpillows,knick-knacks

or candles, or any of the other things that made a house feel like a home. The room contained a large

picturewindowefficientlycoveredwithwoodenblinds,ahunter-greensofaandarmchairand a pair of

matchingcoffeeandendtables,oneofwhichheldasoftlyglowinglamp.Itwassparse,butitwasenough.

Youcouldtellthishousewasfilledwithlove.ItwascompletelyatoddswithhowIfirstpicturedCade’s

life.

WhenIfinallylookedoveratthemanhimself,Irealizedhewaswatchingmefrombeneathhooded

eyes.Itookanothersipofmybeerandbroketheconnection.“Whatisit?”heasked.

“You said you’ve had Lily since you were eighteen. I’m just wondering…what happened to your

parents?”

Hepulledbackahealthyswigofhisownbeerbeforeanswering.“That’stoogenerousatermfor

them.”

Ikeptquiet,wrappingmyfingersaroundthechilledbottle,waitingforhimtocontinue.

“I was raised by my grandparents, and was left this house when they passed away. I was only

seventeen,andmymotherhadgivenbirthtoababy,anddroppedthetoddleroffhere.Lilywasn’twalking

yetandneededmorecarethantheywerepreparedtogiveher.”

Icouldn’thelpbutcomparehowverydifferentourliveswere.MyparentsandIvacationedinItaly

andspentChristmasesatourskilodge,and I never wanted for anything growing up—except for maybe

morefreedom.Cadewassaddledwithaspecial-needschild.

“I took one look at that little girl, and she stole my heart. I graduated from high school early and

startedworking,determinedtogiveLilythelifemyparentscouldn’t.Theywerelaterbustedforrunninga

methlaboutoftheirtrailerandarenowinprison.”

Wow.

Sensingmyinnerturmoil,hegavemyhandasqueeze.“Ipromiseyou,we’remanaging.”

“Iknow,Icanseethat.”Andtheytrulywere.Cade,orCadenasLilycalledhim,wasdoingthebest

hecould,providingasafe,lovinghome,evenifhewentaboutpayingthebillsinunconventionalways.

WhowasItojudge?

“Why’dyoucometoday?”

I knew the question hadn’t been forgotten. I hesitated for just a second before recovering. “For

Lily.”Whichwasmostlytrue.

Hewaited,eyeingmecuriously.“Areyousurethat’sall?”

Imagesfromthesexyvideoreplayedinmymind—thesensualcurveofhismouth as he devoured

herswithkisses.Hislarge,roughhandssoftlycaressingherskin.Theskillfulwayhisfingersspreadher

apartandrubbedslowcirclesinjusttherightspot.“I…Idon’tknow,”Ibreathed.

Herubbedahandacrossthebackofhisneck,lettingoutasigh.“Fuck.Don’ttemptme,Lex.” His

voicewasaroughpleainthesilenceoftheroom.Thenicknameonhislipsfeltfarmoreintimatethanit

had any right to. Friends shortened my name all the time, but never before had it never made my heart

jump.

Iturnedtofacehimonthecouch,knowingthiswascrazy.Hewasafreakin’pornstar.A bad boy

with a capital B. Not someone I should crush on, but there it was all the same, pulsing in my chest. A

want,afiercedesireIcouldn’tname.SomethingIdefinitelywasn’tsupposedtoexplore.

I wanted to be at the receiving end of that touch. I wanted to have those big hands, strong and

callousedfromworkingconstruction,yetstillgentle,allovermybody.

I wondered if it could be a simple infatuation, like the kind you developed for a movie star. I’d

watched him in the most intimate of moments, so maybe my brain had created some type of freaky

fascinationthatwasn’tbasedonanythingbuthissexybodysendingmysexlessoneintooverdrive.

ButwhenCadeturnedtomeandbroughthishandup,cradlingthebackofmynecktopullmeclose

tohimandhiswaitinglips,allcoherentthoughtescapedme.

He leaned in slowly, giving me time to pull away before his mouth captured mine in a scorching

kiss.Oh,God,itwasmouthwateringlygood.Slowandsensual,worshippingatmymouth,nippingatmy

lips, tasting me and making my sex wet and needy. My tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip and his

respondedinturn,collidingwithmineinatangleofwetheat.Hisfingersthreadedthemselvesfartherinto

myhairwhilehisthumbtracedslowcirclesonthesensitiveskinatthebackofmyneck.

Amixofemotionsfloodedmysystem.EverythingfromdesireoverthissexymantofearthatLily

mightcatchus,toshamethattomyparentswouldneverapproveofhimasmyboyfriend.IknewIwas

gettingwayaheadofmyselfeventhinkinglikethatwhenCadestoppedsuddenly,andpulledback.

Hiseyesstudiedme,tryingtounderstandwhathadjusttranspiredbetweenus.“You’regoingtobe

thedeathofme,cupcake.”Hebrushedthedampnessfrommytoplipwithhisforefinger.

Iglanceddownandcaughtsightofthehugebulgestrainingagainsthisjeans.Ipressedmylipsinto

atightline,tryingtoavoidgrinninglikeafoolatthethoughtthatI’daffectedhimjustasmuchashedid

me.

Heliftedmychinwithasinglefingerandmadememeethiseyes.“Hey,it’sokay.Don’tgetshyon

menow.”

Iswallowedandrelaxedintohishand.HisthumbstrokedmycheekandIautomaticallymovedinto

hiscaresses,mylidsdrowsilyclosing.

“That’sbetter.”Hesmiledanddroppedhishand.“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingoninthatprettyhead

ofyours,butifyoueverreallydowantthis,I’llbetheonetodoit.Hell,I’dbehonored.Butyoushould

doitwhenyou’reready,andwithsomeonespecial.”

Inodded,suckinginmybottomlipsoCadewouldn’tseeittremble.

“It’slate.Youshouldprobablygetgoing.”Hestoodandadjustedhiserection.“Comebackandsee

Lilyanytime.”

Heusheredmetothedoorandoutofthehouse,andifIdidn’tknowbetterIwouldhavethoughthe

wastryingdesperatelytogetridofme.

Idrovehome,exhausted,butmostofallconfused.ButwhenIpushedthethoughtsofCadeasideand

remember Lily’s little face smiling up at mine, or her determination to excel at each exercise I showed

her,ittuggedatmyheartandIheldontothosememories,wonderingifI’dseeeitherofthemagain.

Chapter9

Cade

AsbadlyasIwantedAlexa,shedeservedbetter,especiallyforherfirsttime.Itwasn’trightforher

tojustlookforsomeonetogetitoverwith.Shewasn’tthatkindofgirl.Shedeservedroses,candles,that

kindofshit.AndIwasnotthatkindofguy.

I’d ushered her out of my house as quickly as I could without seeming like an asshole, my dick

screaminginprotestallthewhile.Iwantedherlikecrazy.Justthethoughtofburyingmyselfinhertight,

wetheatwasenoughtodrivemeinsane.Yes,I’dmadetherightdecisionsendingherhome.Butdammitif

Ihadn’thidinsidelikesomefuckingpussywhileshewalkedouttohercaralone.I’dturnedontheporch

lightandwatchedherfromthewindowuntilshewassafelyinsidehercarandpullingaway.Ididn’ttrust

myselftobenearherjustthen.

Itwasforthebest.AtleastthatwaswhatItoldmyselfasIclimbedintobedwitharaginghard-on

thatrefusedtogoaway.

ThefollowingmorningImetIanatthegymonceIgotLilyofftoschool.Allshetalkedaboutover

breakfastwas‘LexathisandLexathat.’Drovemeupafuckingwall.Ihadahardenoughtimekeepingthe

womanoutofmyownthoughts,butwithLilynowfirmlyplantedonTeamAlexa,itwasnearimpossible.

I’dhopedliftingweightswithIanwouldclearmyhead,butsofarithadprovendifficult.

“What’sgotyourpantiesinatwist?”Ianmocked me from a nearby weight bench. “You’re lifting

likeapansyasstoday.”

Isenthimadon’tfuckwithmescowlandaddedanothersetofforty-fivestomybenchpress.Iwas

strugglingundertheweightbythefourthrep.Damn.

Ianpulledthebarupandhelpedmere-rackit.“Seriously,man.Talktome.”

“Thisisn’tOprah,bro.Mindyourowndamnbusiness.”

He chuckled and shook his head, leaving me alone on my bench. When I met up with him in the

steamroom,hekepttruetothesentiment.Hehadn’taskedmeanyfurtherquestionsaboutmyshittymood,

andinsteadwetalkedstrategyofhisupcomingfight.

Ianwasanup-and-comingmixed-martial-artsfighter.Hewasmuchbetterthanme,andIwas man

enoughtoadmitit.Ialsowasn’tafraidtosparwithhiminthering,eventhoughhewaslightningquick

and his kicks ripped the air from your lungs. But my left hooks were nothing to fuck with, and I

occasionallycaughthimoffguard.Moreoftenthannot,though,hedidn’tmissablow—andmy ribs had

thebruisestoproveit.Damn,hehadtobegood.Hehad a handful of local businesses sponsoring him,

andhadparentsthathadpaidforeverylessonimaginablegrowingup.Hewasborntodothis.Me,onthe

otherhand,Ilearnedontheflyandwonfightsoutofsheerdetermination.

Ian wiped the sweat from his eyes with a hand towel. “So what about you? Are you planning on

fightingagainanytimesoon?”

The money was pretty good—if you won. “I don’t know man, you try working construction with

crackedribsandabrokenfinger.”Nottomentiontryingtoexplaintoasix-year-oldwhyyouwereblack-

and-blue and watching her eyes well up with tears when you explained it was from a fight. It wasn’t

somethingIeverwantedtodoagain.ShewantedtoknowwhoIfoughtwithandwhyhewasmadatme.I

didn’tlikeupsettingherlikethat.Butitwasn’tlikeIcouldsaytomyopponent,heyman,nofaceshots,my

little sister gets upset. There was no way around the bumps and bruises—and even if I won, I’d still

usuallybesportingthedistinctivelookofablackeyeforweeks.

Onewayoranother,Ineededtogetmyshittogetherandfindawell-payingjobthatdidn’trequire

metofightinaring,orgetnakedoncamera.

*****

BythetimeIgothomefromthegym,Lilywasduehomefromschool.Ihadjustenoughtimetomake

thephonecallbeforeIchickenedout.Icouldn’tgetAlexaandthewayshe’dleftthenightbeforeoffmy

mind.She’ddonenothingbuthelpoutwithLilyandI’dpractically mauled her on my couch, told her I

wanted to fuck her, and then sent her packing. I dialed the number to the hospital and asked to be

connectedtoAlexainnursing.IrealizedIdidn’tknowherlastname,butthankfully,afewminuteslater,

theytrackedherdownforme.

“Cade?Iseverythingokay…?”

Hervoicewasfrantic.Shit.She’dprobably assumed this call was about Lily. “Everything’s fine.

Listen,I’llkeepthisquickbecauseyou’reatwork,butIneededtocallandtellyouI’msorryifthingsgot

weirdlastnight.Thatwasmyfault.”

Shehesitatedforaminute.“That’sokay.IhadalotoffunwithLilyand—”shestoppedshort.

“Metoo.Listen,canIreturnthefavor?I’dliketomakeyoudinner.Oratleastbuyyoudinner,since

youprobablydon’twantmecooking.”

Softfemininelaughterfilledthesilencebetweenus.“Okay.”

“Areyoufreetomorrownight?”

“Yes.WhattimeshouldIcomeover?”

Ilikedthatshevolunteeredtocomeover,knowingitwouldbeeasiestformeandLilyifshecame

to my house again. Other girls I’d tried to date usually pitched a fit that I couldn’t go out much. “Six

okay?”

“Yep.It’sadate.Imean,I’llseeyouthen.”

“Great.Oh,andIshouldprobablygetyournumber.Youknow,justincaseIeverneedhelpwith

Lily.Youprobablydon’twantmecallingyouatwork.AndI’llgiveyoumycellnumber,incaseyouever

needanythingtoo.”Likeme.

“Okay,”shesaidsoftly.Justthesoundofhervoicebroughtoutthealphamaleinme.Iknewbeing

alonewithheragainprobablywasn’tagoodidea,butIalsoknewIwaspowerlesstostopit.

Chapter10

Alexa

MacKenzie and I sat in a corner booth in the hospital cafeteria, taking our lunch break. Well, we

calleditlunch,butitwasthreeinthemorning.Istuckwithbreakfastfoods,whileKenzusuallyoptedfor

dinner.Theonethingwesharedincommon,though,wastheconsumptionofmassquantitiesofcoffee.

“Part of me does want to break out of my Little-Miss-Goody-Two-shoes image—do something

crazy.GraspontoexperienceswhileI’mstillyoung.Imeanisthatsobad?”Ididn’tmentionCade’sinvite

toherto.Ineededtotestthewaterfirst.

“Amen,sister.”Sheraisedhercupinasalute.

“Imean,woulditbetotallycrazyifIwantedto,Idon’tknow,messaroundwithCade,seewhatall

thefussisabout…”

MacKenziespitoutamouthfulofcoffee.“Ididn’trealizeweweretalkingaboutthat!”Imoppedthe

warmliquidfromthetableinfrontofherwithastackofnapkins.“Youdowhatyouwant,babe.Butyou

doknowhe’snotgoingtobesatisfiedwithstraightvanillasex,right?He’sprobablydonethingswe’ve

onlydreamedabout.”

Ididn’tknowwhatherdreamsconsistedof,butvanillasexwastheextentofmine.“Like?”

“Threesomes,orgies,analsex…”

I held up my hand, stopping her. “Okay. Enough, thanks.” My cheeks flamed at her tirade. I was

interested in exploring my sexuality with Cade, but there was no way I was ready for any of that. I

couldn’tevenhearthewordswithoutblushing.

MacKenziechuckled.“Relax,Lex.Itoldyou.He’d be freakin’ lucky to get a girl like you. I still

thinkyou’retoogoodforthelikesofhim,butthat’smyopinion.Justpromisemeonethingifyoureally

aresetonthis.”

WasIsetonthis?Iwasn’tsure.TheonlythingIwassureabout—Cadeprovokedstrangereactions

inmybody.“What’sthat?”

“Haveyourfunwiththepornstar,butpromisemethatyouwon’tinvolveyourheart.”

Inearlylaughedatherridiculouswarning.Myheart?IwantedtoassureMacKenziethattherewas

nopossibilityofmefallingforCade,butmymind flickered back to his gentle nature with Lily and the

wordsstuckinmythroat.Inoddedmyconsent.“Myparentssetmeupwithanotherson-in-lawcandidate.

Hisname’sPeterandhe’stakingmetolunchtomorrow.”

Sherolledhereyes.MacKenziewaswell-briefedinmyparents’meddlingways.“Okay.CanIgive

youonetip,inallseriousness,ifyou’regoingtodothis?”

“Sure.”

“You’ll want to shave everything—thoroughly—he’s used to those girls in the videos, and you

won’tfindaspeckofhairanywhereonthem.”

Irolledmyeyes.Thiswasheradvice?Iwasn’tabouttoshaveoffallmypubichairjusttoappease

aman.WasI?

“I’vegottogetbacktowork.”Itossedthecupintothetrashandstuffedthelastbiteofbagelinto

mymouth.

*****

Why I’d agreed to a date with Peter Wyndham III today was beyond me. It was a moment of

weakness—mymomhadcaughtmecomingoffthehighofspendingtimewithCade,andI’dagreed.

I’dfirstmetPeteratlastyear’sChristmaspartyatmydad’soffice.Thesamepartywherethey’d

paradedmearoundlikeaprizedpossessionsincethedayIturnedeighteen.AsifIwantedafat,bloated

accountantforahusband.ThankfullyPeterhadbeendifferent.Hewastwenty-four,freshoutofbusiness

school,andfeltjustasoutofplacewiththemiddle-agedaccountantsandtheirspousesasIdid.

We’dspenttheeveningsittingonabalcony,mewithhissuitcoatdrapedacrossmybareshoulders

talkingaboutourfavoritecollegecourses—mine,philosophy,andhis,economics.

Myparentshadbeendelightedtoseeushititoff.Hewasaprizedcatchintheireyes,everything

theywantedforme—awhitemaleagedtwentytothirty,goodgenetics,well-bred,fromanupper-middle-

classNewHampshirefamily.Wholesomeasaglassofmilk.Andjustasexciting.

Theirexcitementalonecausedmetosquirm.I’davoidedhiscallsandtheirfeebleattemptstosetus

upforthebetterpartofsixmonths.WhichwaswhyIfounditbafflingthatIwascurrentlycurlingmyhair,

andironingmynavyshirtdress,gettingreadyformydate.

We’dmadeplanstoplaytennisatthecountryclubwherebothheandmyfatherweremembers.I

packedmytennisoutfitintomylargepurse,whichMacKenziehadnamedtheMaryPoppinsbagandwent

towaitforPeter.

WhenhepulledupinhissleeksilverLexus,Ijoggedouttomeethim.Peteremergedfromthecar,

allgelledblondehairandstraightwhiteteethindicatingyearsoforthodontia.Hemetmeatthecardoor,

dressedcasuallyinjeansandabutton-upshirtandkissedthebackofmyhandbeforehelpingmeinside

thecar.TherichsmellofleatherenvelopedmeandIsettledbackinmyseat.

Something about Peter was familiar, like a pair of worn-in jeans, or your comfy flip flops, but

nothingabouthispresence—and certainly not his kiss—brought me anywhere close to fireworks. More

liketolerableindifference.Cadeontheotherhand…well,mynipplespebbledatthemerethoughtofhim.

Afteranuninspiredtennismatch,whichhe’dpredictablyletmewin,wehadlunchonthespacious

stonepatioattheclub.Iorderedachampagne strawberrysaladand Peterthetruffle risotto.We sipped

sparkling water while we ate and Peter told elaborate stories designed to impress me. He began with

adventuresonhisfather’ssailboat,crazypartieswithhisfriendsfromprepschool,andfinallyhiscareer

ambitions—tomakepartnerbytheageofthirty-five.Neveroncedidheaskaboutmine.Oranythingabout

me,really.I found my mind wandering to Cade and Lily. I wondered what they did on the weekends. I

imaginedchocolate-chip-pancakebreakfastseateninpajamaswhilewatchingcartoons.Thethoughtmade

mesmile.Icouldn’thelptheoccasionalglancesdownatmywatch,countingdowntheminutesuntilthis

datewasoverandIcouldgoseeCadeandLily.

Afterourdate,Peterwalkedmeouttomycar,openingthedoorwhileIsettledintothe driver’s

seat.

“Thatwasfun.Weshoulddoitagain.Myfamilydoesthiswinetoureveryfall,youshouldcome.”

“I’llthinkaboutit,”Isaid,thenpulledmycardoorclosed.

Chapter11

Cade

Igothomefromworkjustmomentsbeforesix.Ian’syoungersister,Sophia,whowasnineteenand

takingclassesatthenearbycommunitycollegeoftenbabysatformeandhadbeenheresincethreetosee

Lilyoffthebus.

IwanderedinsideandfoundLilyeatingdinneratthetable,andSophia sitting with her, filing her

nails.

“Caden!”Lilydroppedherforkandwasinmyarmsinseconds.

“Didyoudoyourexercises?”Ikissedthetopofherhead.

“Notyet.MeandSophiawereplayin’.”

I frowned at Sophia. She shrugged and mumbled an apology, rising up to greet me with a hug.

“Mmm,someonesmellsgood.”Sheburiedhernoseinmyneck.

“Don’t. I have a…date coming over.” After work, I’d gotten in a quick workout with Ian and

showeredatthegymbeforecominghome.

“You? A date?” Sophia narrowed her eyes in disbelief. “You don’t date. Lord knows I’ve been

tryingtogetyoutoaskmeoutforyears.”

“Sophia…” I gently steered her away by her shoulders, adding some distance between us. “You

knowIanwouldhavemyballsifIlaidsomuchasafingeronyou.”Whichwasentirelytrue,butitwas

morethanthat.Sophiahadgrownintoabeautifulyoungwoman,theproblemwas,whenIlookedather,I

stillsawtheganglyten-year-oldgirlwhoseBarbiedollsregularlybecameIan’sandmyprisonersofwar.

“Wecouldworkaroundthatandyouknowit.Ianisn’tthebossofme.”Sophiasmiled,battingher

eyelashes,restingherhandonmyforearm.Oh,Idefinitelyknewsureshe’dbemorethanhappytowork

aroundit.

She’dbeentryingformonthstogetmetonoticeher,cleaningmyhousein her tiny cut-off shorts,

andofferingtowatchLilyformeatanytimeofthedayornight.AndeventhoughIknewhermotives,Ilet

herdoit.Ifthatmademeadick,thensobeit.Iwasn’tabouttorefuseherhelp.WebothknewIneededit,

thoughI’msuresheheldontohopeI’dchangemymindabouther.Aboutus.

“Finishyourdinner,Lily.Ihavecompanycomingovertonight.”

“IsLexacomin’back?”Lily’sfacebrokeoutintoagrinwhenInodded.

“Who’sLexa?”

WhowasAlexa?Thatwasaverygoodquestion.AgirlIhadnoshotinhellwithinreallife.Agirl

whohadthefaceofanangelandthebodytorivalanypornstar.Someonesweettomysisterandprobably

capableofdestroyingmyheartintheprocess.“Justafriend,”Isaid.

Sophia rolled her eyes. “Uh huh, friend my ass.” She slapped a palm over her mouth. “I meant

bottom.”ShelookeddownatLilywhowasnowgiggling.“I’llcleanupforyoualittle.Gogetreadyfor

yourdate,stud.”Sheslappedmeontheass.

“Thanks,Soph.”Ishuffledofftothelaundryroom,droppingmydampgymclothesintothewasher.

“Didyoupickupyourroom,Lils?”Icalledfromdownthehall.Itriedasmuchaspossibletotreather

likearegularkid.Iwantedhertogrowupindependentandself-reliant,notthinkingshewasanydifferent

thananyoneelse,orincapableoftakingcareofherself.Afterall,thedaywouldcomewhenIwouldn’tbe

theretohelpher.AndthatwassomethingIdidn’tevenwanttothinkabout.

IheardherscamperofftoherroomandIsmiledtomyselfasIstartedthewasher.

WhenIwalkedintothelivingroomSophiahadthrownherhairupinaponytailandhad shed her

baggysweatshirt,leavingherinaskin-tightT-shirtandpairofjeans.Shewas flitting around the house,

dustingthelivingroom,pickingupstrayitemsandgenerallymakingthehousepresentable.

I had a feeling she was only sticking around to size up the girl I supposedly had a date with. I

wasn’tevensurethiswasadate.Ididn’tknowwhathadpromptedmetosaythat.MaybebecauseIknew

Alexawasn’tthekindofgirlyouscrewedaroundwithcasually.

A knock at the front door sent a prickle down the back of my neck, raising the hair there and

lightingallmysensesinanticipation.

Sophiajoggedtothedoor,butIstoppedherfromopeningit.“Letme.”

Shesteppedbackandplacedherhandsonherhips.“Ofcourse.”

I shook my head and took a deep breath, then pulled open the door. Alexa looked stunning. She

woreashort-sleevednavy-bluedressthathuggedhercurves,andfelljustaboveherknees.Herlegswere

tannedandtone,andendedinsexyfeetencasedinapairofsilversandals.Shelookedsexyandinnocent

allatonce.“Comein.”Isteppedbacktoallowherinside.Sophiaclearedherthroatfrombehindme,and

IdraggedmygazefromAlexa.

“ThisisSophia—afriendofmineandLily’s,”Igesturedtotheyoungwoman.Itdidn’t escape my

noticethatsheandAlexawerehavingastrangestaringcontest,sizing each other up. “Sophia was just

leaving.Thanksfortoday,Soph.”

Asmilecreptacrossherlips,asmuglookonherface.“Sametimetomorrow?”

“No,I’vegotitcovered.Besides,Idon’tlikeyoumissingclasstotakecareofLilyforme.”

Shegrabbedherpurseandsweatshirtfromthecouchandsecuredherbagacrossherbody.“Caden

James,youknowI’ddojustaboutanythingforyou.”Shesmiledatmewickedly.Itwasn’tlostonmethat

she was trying to imply, for Alexa’s sake, there was more to our friendship. There wasn’t. Never had

been,neverwouldbe,despitehowmuchshetriedtotemptme.

Once Sophia was gone, Alexa fidgeted nervously in the entryway, playing with the strap of her

purse.Itookherbytheshoulders.“Hey,she’smybestfriend’slittlesister.That’sall.Okay?”

Shenoddedobediently,hervoicebarelyawhisper,“Okay.”Shesteppedoutofherstrappyheels,

leavingherseveralinchesshorterandfollowedmeinside.

LilycameclatteringdownthehalljustthenandAlexadroppedtoherkneestoencaseherinagiant

hug. Lily chattered on about her day and Alexa nodded and giggled, pausing to ask questions. It was

startlingtoseehowmuchLilylookeduptoAlexaalready.Itwassweetandatthesametimeconcerning.

IfAlexadidn’tstickaround,IknewI’dhaveoneheartbrokenlittlegirlonmyhands.

IaskedAlexaifshewasokayifwegotLilysettledinforthenight,andshenoddedandthenwentto

helpLilywithherstretches.AlexasatonthefloorwithLily,showingheracoupleofnewwaystostretch

her back and legs. The build-up of watching Alexa was like a slow torture, the lingering glances, the

casualbrushesagainstherskin,andfinallyweweretuckingLilyintobed.

Alexafollowedmedownthehallwaytowardthelivingroom.Iwatchedhertakeatentativestep

toward where I was seated on the couch. All the oxygen was sucked from the room, the air thick with

tension,nowthatourpint-sizedchaperonewassoundlyasleep.

Having her here with me—with Lily—was fucking with my head. I couldn’t even begin to

understandhermotives.

Alexa fidgeted in the doorway, as if pausing for my inspection. Her dress ended just above her

knees,andmygazetraveledupanddownherbarelegs.

“Youlooknice.”Myvoicewasgruff.

“Ihadadate.”

She’dbeenonadatetodayandtheassholehadletherleave?Dressedlikethat?Herbarelegswere

tonedandtan,hertoenailspaintedpalepink.Shewasstunning.

“Comehere,”Iinstructed.

She obeyed, crossing the room to stand in front of me, her wide eyes cast down to meet mine. I

trailedasinglefingertipoverthebackofherbareleg,andfelthershudderundermytouch.

“Sotellmeaboutthisdateyouhad.”Icontinuedlazilystrokingthesoftfleshbehindherknee.

Sheswallowedanddrewadeepbreath.“Hetookmetohiscountryclubfortennisandthenlunch

ontheterrace.”

“Andnowyou’rehereslummingitwithme?”Ifeltherkneeslocktokeepherselfsteady.“I don’t

dorosesandcandlesandcountryclubs.Dateswithmewouldn’tinvolvetennis.”Iwasn’tsurequitewhy

Iwaspushingher,onlythatIwantedherhonesty,soIsuppliedherwiththesametreatment.

“No?”shechallenged,findinghervoice,howeverfaint.

“No,cupcake.I’mmoreofabeerandhotwings,andsexinthecabofmytruckkindofguy.” She

suckedinaquickintakeofbreathandherkneestrembled.Iwrappedbothhandsaroundthebacksofher

legstokeepherfromcollapsing.“ButforyouIcouldprobablymakeanexception.”Hergazeheldmine

andtheairgrewthickeraroundus.

“ButwhatifIlikethatbeerandhotwingsidea?”shechallenged.

Inotedthatsheconvenientlyleftoutthepartaboutsex,andIknewIshouldn’t,butdamn,Iwanted

toseeherreaction.“Imeanttheexceptionwouldbethatinsteadofmytruck,I’dwantyouspreadoutin

mybedwhereIcouldfuckyouproperly.”

Sheletoutasoftwhimperandherlegsgaveoutcompletely.Ihauledherontomylap, rather than

lettinghercollapseinaheaponthefloor.

“I’ve got you,” I breathed against her hair. Her heart was fucking pounding, and I could see her

pulsethrummingagainstherneck.Itwasamajorturnon.Itiltedherchin,pullingherinuntilherlipsmet

mineandIsoftlykissedher.“Tellmewhatyouwant,Alexa.”

“Ican’t.”

Ifrowned.“Can’torwon’t?”Sheswallowedandlookeddown.Weweregoingtohavetoworkon

that.Burfirstthingsfirst.“Let’seatsomething.”Imovedherfrommylapsoshewasseatednexttomeon

thecouch.“ShallwestayinorIcouldtryandfindababysittertocomeover…”

“Let’sstayin.”

“IusuallyorderoutafterIputLilytobed.Whatwouldyoulike?”

“Whateveryouusuallyhaveisfine.”

“Wellthere’salwaysbeersandchickenwings…”Igrinnedandraisedaneyebrow.Thiswassonot

abeerandwingskindofgirl.

Butwithoutmissingabeat,shesmiledandnodded.“Soundsgoodtome.”

“Areyouokaywithsomeheat?”

Shenodded,ignoringtheinnuendo.“Justaslongasit’snottoospicy.”

“Ithinkyoucanhandleit.”Imethereyesandheldthem.Herbigblueeyeswidenedandmetmine.

The sweet way she didn’t back down and her sincere curiosity about this thing between us stirred

somethinginsideme.

Ipulledoutmyphonetoorder.“Hey,Billy.Yeah,actuallymakeittwoordersofmyusual.”Istood

up and crossed the room. “You okay to wait here while I go pick up the food? It’ll only take a few

minutes.”

“Sure.”

WhenIreturnedwithasix-packof beer and the cartons of food, Alexa had gathered napkins and

platesfromthekitchen.Wesettledonthecouchagaintoeat.

Iopenedthecontainersofwingsandcelerysticks,placingthemonthecoffeetable.“Haveasmuch

asyouwant.”

“Thanks.” She eyed the food suspiciously before daintily placing a napkin across her lap. “I’ve

neveractuallyeatenachickenwingbefore,”sheadmitted.

“Ever?”

Sheshookherhead.

Damn.Thisgirlreallywasinatotallydifferentleague.Sheprobablyneverateanythingthatdidn’t

requireutensils.Iwantedtotellhershedidn’thavetoworryaboutgettingmessyinfrontofme,butshe

surprisedmebydiggingrightin,liftingachickenwingfromthecontainerandcuriouslylookingitoveras

ifwonderinghowtobegin.

Iwatchedasshecarefullyasshenibbledatthemeat,gettingsauceonherbottomlipandfingertips

intheprocess.“Mm.It’sgood.”Shesoundedsurprised.Watchingherlickthesaucefromherfingerswas

doingwickedthingstomygroin.

“Good.”Ishovedthenapkinstowardsher.“Noweat.”

Shekeptstealingglancesatmefromthecornerofhereye,butweateinrelativesilence.Iremoved

abeerfromthesixpackandofferedittoher.“Wouldyoulikeone?”

Shenodded.Itwistedoffthetopandhandedhertheopenbottle.Sheimmediatelybroughtittoher

lips, likely to wash away the heat from the food. The wings were spicier than usual, but she didn’t

complain.

“YoumindifIturnonthegame?”Iasked,reachingfortheremote.

Shewasdiggingintoanotherwingandgaveahalfnod.

Iflippedonthegame,moreforthebackgroundnoisethananythingelse.

Alexaleanedforwardinherseat.“What’sthescore?”

“Youlikefootball?”Icouldn’thelpthesurprisestrainingmyvoice.

Shenodded.“IlovetheBears.WatchingfootballwastheonenormalthingIdidwithmydad.”She

smiled.

Oh.Agirlthatlikeshotwingsandbeer,andnowshetellsmesheaBearsfantoo.Lordhavemercy.

Myresolvetostayawayfromherjustgotmoreinteresting.

WefinishedeatingandIclearedawaythefood,butAlexainstructedmetoleavethebeer.Wewere

each on our second, and the fact that she was a lightweight was evident by the way she leaned back

againstthecouch,tuckingherselfagainstmyside.

Shewasmoreentertainingthanthegame,freelyyellingattheTVwhenevertherefmadeabadcall.

Iwatchedthewayshetiltedthebottletoherlipsandtookalongpull,hergracefulneckmovingasshe

swallowed. She slipped her feet up on the couch bedside us, and I pulled them over to my lap. The

contactcaughtherattentionandsheshiftedsoshewasfacingme.

“Cade?”shewhisperedinthedimlylitlivingroom.

“You’veeaten.Nowit’stimewehadourtalk,cupcake.”Istartedgentlyrubbingherfeet.“Tellme

whatyouwant.”

Sheleanedoverandsetherbeerbottleonthecoffeetablebeforereturningtofaceme.Shebither

lipasifunsureofherself,andlookedeverywherebutatme.

“This.You. I want you to…teach me.” She swallowed, her tongue darting out to taste her bottom

lip.

Didsheknowwhatshewasaskingofme?Couldshepossiblyunderstand?“Teachyouwhat?”

“Howto…pleaseyou…”

IlightlygraspedherchinwithmyfingertipsandliftedherfacesoIcouldmeethereyes.“How to

makemecome?”

“Y-yes,”shewhimpered.

Sheleanedforwardandplantedasweetkissonmymouthandmydickleapttolifeinmyjeans.She

wantedtounderstandhowtopleaseaman,buthersexyinnocenceguaranteedshewasn’tgoingtohaveto

trytoohard.IneededtogetmyselfincheckbeforeIhauledoffherpantiesandshowedherexactlywhat

todo.

Chapter12

Alexa

Cadeliftedmeontohislap,arrangingmesoIwasstraddlinghim,mydresshitchedup around my

legs.Hetrailedhisfingertipsalongmyexposedthigh,tracingalazypattern.“Yousureyouwantthis?”he

whispered.

MyheartwaspoundingsohardIthoughtitwasabouttoburstthroughmyribcage.Icouldfeelhis

erectionpressingintotheapexofmythighs.Ididwantthis,didn’tI?Wasn’tthiswhyIwashere?God,I

wasconfused.

“Youhesitated,”hebreathedagainstmyneckbeforepullingbacktomeetmyeyes.

“Iknow.”

He straightened my dress around me, ensuring I was still covered. “Listen, we don’t have to do

anything you’re not comfortable with.” He continued to tease me, tracing a finger farther up my thigh,

inchingdeliciouslyclosertotheedgeofmypanties.

Iwhimpered.

“Iwantyou.Youhavenoideahowfuckingbadly.Butyou’llsetthepace,okay?”

Inodded.“Okay.”Iinstantlyfeltbetter,relievedandsureofwhatIwantedanddidn’twant.“No

sex…butcanwedosomeum,otherstuff?”

Hechuckled,adeepthroatylaughrumblingthroughhischest.“Anythingyouwant,baby.”

Crap. I probably sounded so awkward. I didn’t know the right way to approach this. But luckily,

Cadetooktheleadanddidn’tmakemevocalizewhatIwanted.

Hismouthcapturedmineinadeepkiss,andmytonguewassoonfollowinghislead,caressingand

tanglingwithhis.

ItriednottocompareCade’severymovementtothoseofhisvideo,butitwasdifficult.Theimages

replayedinmyhead,butsofar,thismomentwasuniquelyours.Hisfingersskitteredalongmycalvesand

upovermyknees,spreadingthemapartjustslightlysohecouldpressevenclosertome.

“WhataboutLily?”Iaskedbetweenkisses.

“She’sasleep.”

“Whatifshewakesup?”

“We’llhearher.”Hecontinuedkissingme.

Isupposedhewasright.We’dhearherwalkermovingacrossthewoodfloor.

Heunbuttonedmydressslowly,takinghistimetokissandnipatmylips,neckandcollarbonewith

each button he successfully freed. By the time he was lifting the dress over my head, I raised my arms

dutifully,allowinghimtopullitoff.Ithrustmyamplechestoutforhisinspection.

His eyes flooded with desire as he looked me over. “Goddamn, cupcake.” I looked down at my

whitebra,wishingI’dlistenedtoMacKenzie’sadviceaboutbuyingnewlingerie,butCadedidn’tseem

the least be hampered by my white cotton bra and panties. I was glad I’d taken her advice and shaved

today.

Cade’s thumbs grazed across my nipples. I let out a throaty groan. He continued his torturous

strokes along my breasts, his fingers dipping into the cleavage and sliding across the hardened tips. I

wonderedifhewasgoingtoremovemybra,orifmaybehewaswaitingformetodothat.

“Yousaidyouwantedtoknowhowtopleaseme?”Hetiltedmychinuptomeethiseyes.“Consider

thislessonnumberone.Don’tbeafraidtoaskforwhatyouwant.Hearingyousayitisamajorturnon.”

Isuckedinabreathandheldit.NowayI’dbegoodatdirtytalk.It’dbelikeaskingmetospeaka

differentlanguage.Icouldn’tevenvocalizewhatIwantedinplainEnglish.

His hands dropped from my chin and gripped both breasts, roughly palming them. “I’ve been

dreamingaboutyourtitsforweeksnow.Seeingthembouncingabovemeasyourodemycock.”

Iletoutamoanathiswords,afloodofheatdampeningmysex.

Cadesmirkedasifinvictory.“Youtry.”

MynerveswerebackasItriedtothink.Isquirmedinhislapandfeltthefirmridgepressingagainst

me.BeforeIevenrealizedit,Iwasblurtingout,“Ilovethefeelofyourharddick.”GodIsoundedstupid.

ButCade’sheaddroppedbackagainstthesofaandheclosedhiseyes,asifsavoringmywords.Iinstantly

feltproud.

Heguidedmetohismouthbythebackofmyneck,threadinghisfingersinmyhair.“Youwantto

playwithit?”

Inodded,unabletoformwords.

Hesmiledagainstmylips.“Goodgirl.Butnotyet.FirstIneedtomakeyoucome.”

Need?Tomakemecome?Oh…

Hereachedaroundforthebackclaspofmybraandreleaseditwithasingleflick,then eased the

strapsdownmyshouldersanddiscardeditonthefloorbesideus.

His mouth joined his hands in the loving caresses, licking and suckling my hardened peaks. I

grabbedhishairandthrustmychesttowardhiseagermouth,wantingmore.“OhGodthatfeelsgood,”I

moaned.

BeforeI had time to examine what was happening, he flipped me over so that I was lying on my

backonthecouchandhewaskneelingonthefloorbesidemepullingmypantiesdownmylegs.

“Iwanttohearyouscreamingmyname…”hewhisperedagainstmyinnerthigh.

Thatwassonothappening.IwashyperawareofnotwantingtowakeupLily.Geez.Atleastoneof

uswasthinkingclearly.

He dipped his fingers between my thighs, lightly running his fingertips up the length of my folds.

“You’resoakingwet,baby.”Hisvoicewasrough,barelyincontrol.

Ibitmylipandopenedmythighswider,allowinghimtoexplore,longpastfeelingself-conscious.

Heeasedonelongfingerinsideme,andsliditinandoutwithgentlepressure.“Doyoulikethat,

cupcake?”Helaidagentlekissjustbelowmynavel.

Iwhimperedinresponse.

Hiseyesstayedlockedonmineandheaddedasecondfinger.“Sotight,sobeautiful,”hemurmured.

“More,please,”Ipleaded.

Hegroanedandpumpedhisfingersharder,drivingintomeuntilIwaspantingandwrithingunder

histalentedhand.Thenheeasedhimselfdown,sweepinghistongueovermysexandmyworldshattered.

The wet heat from his mouth exploded around me, the sensation causing my hips to buck off the couch.

“Cade!”Igasped.Crap.Somuchfornotscreaming.Ididn’tcare.Iliftedmyhipstomeethismouthand

rode out the pulsing wave as an intense orgasm erupted through my core. I opened my eyes and found

Cade’seyesstilllockedonme.

“You’rebeautiful,”hewhispered.

I swallowed and lifted myself up into a sitting position, suddenly feeling insecure about my

nakedness.Cadewasstillfullydressed.

Hishandonmyarmstoppedme.“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing?”

I looked down at his crotch and was alarmed to see the large bulge clamoring to be released. I

lickedmydrylips.“CanIjusthavemypanties?”

Hislipscurvedinthetiniestofsmiles,butheliftedthemgingerlyfromthefloor.“Ifit’llmakeyou

morecomfortable.Butyourtopstaysoff.”Hereadthebackoftheunderpants.“Sunday,huh?”

I snatched them from his grasp and slipped them up my trembling legs. “Are you going to show

me…whattodo…?”Ilookeddownathisgroin.

He chuckled and sat down next to me on the couch, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Knock

yourselfout,sweetheart.”

Iunbuckledhisbeltwithfumblingfingersthenreleasedthebuttonandzipper.Asmilepulledatmy

mouthatthesmallvictoryandCadeleanedforwardtokissme.

HeliftedhishipsasItuggeddownhisjeansandboxers.Histhick,rigidcocksprangfreetogreet

meandIsuckedinadeepbreath.“You’restillshaved,”Imurmured.I wondered if he was going to be

starringinanothervideoanytimesoon.Thethoughtbothexcitedandbotheredme.

Asmilecrossedhislips.“Tellmesomething…youwatchedmyvideo,right?”

Ilookeddown.

“Answerme.”Hetiltedmyjawup,runninghisfingersalongthelengthofmythroat.

Inodded.

“Howmanytimes?”Hisvoicewaslowandrough.

Ishrugged.EvenifIcouldhavefoundmyvoice,Ididn’tknowtheanswertothatquestion.Itwas

toomanytocount.

“Didyoutouchyourself?”

Inoddedagain.

“Fuck, that’s hot.” His rough voice sent a flood of moisture to my panties. “Show me,” he

commanded.

Summoning my courage, I slipped off my panties and brought my hand down between my legs,

grippinghisthighwithmyotherhandsinceIwasstillbalancedonmyknees.Cadekepthiseyeslocked

onminebeforeslowlyloweringthemtowheremyhandwasrubbinggentlecirclesovermyclitoris. He

suckedinabreathandheldit.

“Damnbaby,that’sabouttheprettiestthingI’veeverseen.”

Ismiledcrookedlyupathimanddroppedmyhand,suddenlyfeelingunsure.Somethingswerejust

meanttobedoneinprivate.“Itfeelsbetterwhenyoudoit,”Iadmitted.

Heleanedforwardandkissedme,easinghishandinbetweenmylegs.“Yeah?”Hismiddlefinger

slideasilyinsideme.

“Yeah…”Igroanedatthesuddenfullness.

HeflickedhisfingeralongmyinnerwallandIalmostcrumbledtothefloor.Igrippedhislegsto

remainupright.“Myfingersarelonger,”hewhispered.“IcanreachyourG-spot.”Henippedmylipsina

quickkiss,massagingthespotagainandagain.Mynailsdugintohislegs.“JustwaituntilI’minsideyou,”

hewhispered.

Iwhimpered.

“Nottonight,cupcake.”

Imoanedinprotest.“Cade.”

“Shh.”Hisfingercontinueditstorturousministrations.“I’mnotfuckingyoutonight.”

Iwincedathisuseoftheterm.“Youmeanmakelove?”

Hisfingerstilledinsideme.“No,Imeanfuck.Ifyouwanttomakelove,yougoseeyourcountry-

clubboy,ifyouwanttobeproperlyfucked,youcometome.”Hisvoicewasrough.“Butnotuntilyou’re

ready.Notuntilyouaskme.”

I nodded, knowing he was right. I wasn’t ready, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to stop,

especiallywhenIwassocloseagain.

Cadeslowlybeganworkinghislongdigitagainstthatsensitivespotonceagain.Igrippedhisthighs

andIsqueezedmyeyesclosedasan intense pressure built inside me and eventually blossomed into an

earth-shatteringorgasm.Heletoutalowtorturedgroanwatchingmewithdesireburninginhiseyes.My

eyesfellclosedincompleteblissasIrodeoutthesensations.

SuddenlyIcouldn’twaitanylongertotouchhim.Ileanedforwardandtrailedapathofsoft,damp

kissesalonghisshaft.Hisscentwasmuskyanddecidedlymale,andIwantedmore.Icraveditinaway

thatwasprimalandentirelynewtome.

Ieasedtheheadintomymouth,andsuckledatthesmoothskin.Hisbreathreleasedinahiss from

betweenhisteeth.Myhandsjoinedinthefun,strokingupanddownasIdevouredthelengthofhim.

“Damn,baby.”Hegroaned,hisheaddroppingbackagainstthecouch.

Ineverknewthiscouldbesopleasurable,butIfoundmyselfgettinglostintherhythm,suckingand

lickingandtrailingmyhandsalonghisshaft.

“Justlikethat,angel.Strokeit.”Hewatchedmyhandsworkupanddownhislengthandgroaneda

deepgrowllowinhisthroat.Myheartjumped.Hearingthosesoundscomeoutofhimwassosexy.“I’m

goingtocome,”hegasped.

Seconds later, hot jets of semen exploded down the back of my throat and Cade released a final

groan.

Asatisfiedsmilecrossedhislipsandhelookeddownatmewithwonder.“Damnbaby,youdidn’t

havetoswallowit.”Hestrokedmyjawwithhisthumb,studyingmecarefully.

Itwasn’tlikeI’dhadawell-thought-outplan.I’djustdonewhatIneededtodo.Iwasn’tabouttogo

runningforthebathroom,mybehindjigglinginhisfaceasIjoggedaway.Nothankyou.Besides,ithadn’t

beenthatbad.

Hesmiledasleepygrin.“Incaseyou’rewondering…thatfeltfuckingamazing.”

Inolonger blanched at his overeager use of the F-bomb, it only endeared him to me more. Cade

wasallmale.There’dbenochanginghim,notemperinghisways.Maybeitwasmystrictupbringing,but

somethinginsidemeenviedthat.

Warmthfloodedmycheeksathiscompliment,andIlifted my chin to meet his eyes. He continued

tracinglazycirclesalongmycheek,workinghishandbehindmyhairtomassagemyneck,notbotheringto

tuckhissofteningcockbackinsidehispants.Sincehedidn’tcareaboutoursemi-nudestate,Irelaxedinto

hiscaresses,restingmyheadonhisthigh.

“Thatfeelgood,cupcake?”hewhispered.

“Mm-hm,”Imumbled,tiltingmyheadtogivehimbetteraccess.Hisfingersreachednearlyallthe

wayaroundmyneckandheusedastrongbutsoothingpressure.Iwouldgodownonhimeverydayifit

meantgettingamassagelikethisafterwards.Irelaxedintohistouchandsoakedupthelovingattention.

Severalminuteslater,andonthevergeoffallingasleep,Istoodandredressed.Cadestraightened

his clothes, pressed a quick kiss to my lips and then went down the hall, I assumed to check on Lily.

Aboveallelse,hewasagoodbigbrother,andthatwasallthatreallymattered.

Unsure of what to do with myself, I gathered up the empty beer bottles and brought them to the

kitchentorinsethemout.Isetthemonthecounterbythesink,wonderingwherehekepttherecyclingbin,

orifhehadoneatall.Cadeenteredthekitchenbehindme.

“Justleaveit.I’llcleanupinthemorning.”HepressedakisstothebackofmyneckandIturnedto

hughim,comfortedbyhiswarmembrace.“Letmewalkyouout.Iwanttomakesureyougettoyourcar

safeandsound.”

Ididn’tcommentthatmycarwasonlythirtyfeetaway,Isimplynoddedandallowedhimplacehis

handonmylowerbackandescortmetothedoor.Maybeithadsomethingtodowithussharingchicken

wings, and football, and oral sex. Whatever it was that had brought out his protective streak, I wasn’t

abouttocomplain.Itwasnice.

Chapter13

Cade

HavingAlexa’swillingbodythatclosenearlysentmeovertheedge.Watchinghersmallhandclose

around my shaft had sent a throbbing rush of blood to my cock. Was I crazy enough to believe that

something would become of this, other than a friendship centered around Lily and the side benefits of

worshippinghersweetbodyoncethesunwentdown?SurelyshehadtorealizethatIdidn’tfitintoher

life,notbyalongshot.ButI’dtakewhatIcouldget,foraslongasIcouldhaveit.

ThatnightIfellasleeptothememoryofAlexa’sgentlevoicereadingfromLily’sfavoritebook,and

the way she animated the voices of each different character to make Lily chuckle. With a sleepy smile

plantedonmylips,Irolledoverandfellasleep.

OnSaturdayAlexacalledandaskedifshecouldpickupLilyforagirlsday.AfterIrecoveredfrom

my stunned silence, I’d agreed. This girl continued to level me. It was like she knew the way to my

hardenedheart—throughLily.MaybeIneverconsideredaseriousrelationshipbeforebecausenoonehad

ever shown an interest in developing a relationship withLily too. Once they found out about my sister,

theyusuallybailed.

Anhourlater,LilychantedLexa’snameasshewatchedthelittleBMWSUVpullupalongsidethe

curb.WemetAlexaonthesidewalk.“Sowhatareyougirlsuptotoday?”

“Well, I was thinking I’d leave it up to Miss Lily. We could have a beauty day at the spa, or we

couldgotothisboutiquewhereyougettochooseaceramicfigurinetopaint.”

“Yeah!”Lily’sfacelitup.

“Whichone,babydoll?Youhavetochoose.”Alexa’sgenerositywastoomuchasitwas.

Lily’sfacescrunchedupinconcentrationforamomentbeforeshelookedupatAlexa.“Canwedo

both?”

AlexagrinnedthatcrookedsmileI’dgrownfondofandnodded.“Surecan,sweetpea.”

IhelpedbuckleLilyinthebackseatandplacedherwalkerintherearcargospace,thenmeetAlexa

atthedriver’sdoor.“Yousureyou’reokaywiththis?”

“Absolutely.GoenjoyyourSaturday.Justkeepthebootycallstoaminimum.”Shepattedmychest.

“Willdo.”

Iwatchedthemdriveaway.The little girl who owned my heart and the beautiful Alexa who was

pullingitinanentirelynewdirection.

Itookadvantageoftherareopportunityforanextragymsessionwith Ian, but coming home to an

emptyhousefelttooweird.AfteraboutanhourofaimlesspacingandputteringI decided to call Alexa

andcheckonthem.Maybeshewasgoingcrazy.Itwasdefinitelytimetocheck on her. I dialed her cell

andsheansweredonthefirstring.

“HiCade.”Shesoundedoutofbreath.“Wefinishedattheceramicsplaceandgrabbedsomelunch.

What’sup?”

Iheardasquealoflaughterinthebackground.“Whereareyouguys?”

“Atthespajustdowntheroad.IsitokayifLilygetsherhaircut?It’lljustbeatrim.”

“Ah,sure.”Myneighborladyusuallycutit,butwhatthehell.“Whereareyouguys?Icouldswing

byandseeLily.”

“Sure.She’dlovethatI’msure.”ShegavemethedirectionsandIsetoffinmytruck,needingtoget

outofmytoo-quiethouse.

WhenIwalkedinthespa,Iwasgreetedbythesoundsofnewagemusicmixedinwith bird calls

andthebabbleofwater,andthescentoflavenderthatwassostrongitslappedmeintheface.

IturnedacornerandfoundAlexaandLilyseatedinalargechairs,theirfeetproppedupinfrontof

them.

“Caden!”Lilysquealedonceshespottedme.

Theywiggledtheirpinktoenailsatme.Iwasn’tsurewhatIwassupposedtobenoticing.“Lookat

that.Twoveryprettygirls.”

Theysmiledatmycompliment,soitappearedI’dsaidtherightthingandwemadeourwaytothe

front.

“Here.”Alexahandedmehercreditcard.“Willyoucheckusout?Iwanttorunovertothebakery

nextdoor.I’lljustbeaminute.”

“Sure.”Itookthecard,butplannedtopaywithmyownonceAlexawasoutside.She’ddonetoo

much for us already. But when the girl at the counter told me the bill came to three-hundred dollars, I

reluctantlyhandedoverAlexa’scard.Threehundreddollarsfortoenailpolishandacoupleofhaircuts?

Theirhairdidn’tevenlookanydifferenttome.Onethingwasclear—AlexaledalifestyleI’dneverbe

abletoafford.AndIsureasshitdidn’tneedLilygettingusedtothiskindoftreatment.

Alexacamebackafewminuteslatercarryingalittlepinkpastrybox,lookingsmug.Shesignedthe

creditcardslipandtookhercardfromthecounter,thenheadedoutsidetohercarwithLilyintow.“See

yabackatthehouse,”shecalled.

I stood by uselessly until they drove away, then stomped off to my truck. I stopped on the drive

hometopickupdinnerforthethreeofus,needingtodosomethingtogetthingsbackundercontrol.

OnceIgothomeIcouldhearLilysingingandplayinginherbedroomandfoundAlexasittingonthe

couchwaitingforme.Isetthebagsoffoodonthetableandturnedtoher.“Youdidn’thavetodoallthat

today.”MyvoicecameoutsternerthanIintended.

Shestood and placed her hands on her hips. “I know that, Cade. I wanted to. I never had a little

sister.DidyoueverthinkthatmaybeIlikespendingtimewithher?”

Shit.Isoundedlikearealprick.Irubbedthebackofmyneck.“Sorry,it’sjustthisisnewforme.”

There was no denying that the way Alexa was with Lily complicated things between us. It twisted my

insides,andbroughtoutmyprotectiveinstincts.

Her expression softened. “It’s new for me too.” She leaned her hip against the counter, drawing

herselfunconsciouslyclosertome.

Ibroughtmyhanduptocuphercheek,unabletoresisttouchinghersoftskin.Ibrushedmycallused

thumbalongherjaw.“Hey.”Hereyesmetmine.“I’msorry.Igetsensitiveabouther.”

“Yeah, I noticed. That’s the last time I try to do something nice.” Her tone was serious, but she

lookedupatmewiththatcrookedmischievoussmileofhers.Iwantedtokissthesmirkoffhergorgeous

face.

“Aw,don’tbethatway,cupcake.Comeon.Stayfordinner.”

Shecheckedherwatch.“Thatcouldprobablybearranged.”

“Yougotsomewheretobe?Don’ttellmeit’sanotherhotdatewiththatcountryclubschmuck.”

Shechuckled.“No,actuallyPeterhasn’tcalled.It’sjustmymom’sbeenhoundingmeaboutcoming

overfordinner.LetmestepoutsidetocallherandseeifIcanpostponetilltomorrownight.”

“Sure.Comeinsidewhenyou’redone.”

Lilycametearingdownthehalltoshowoffhermatchingpinkfingernailsandtoenailsandthepink

ceramicfairyshe’dpainted.Itwaslikeanexplosionofpinkhadinvadedmyhouse—hell,mylife.

“I’mgonnagoputitinmyroom,”sheannounced,alreadyheadingdownthehall.

Alexareturnedandheadedstraightforme,asmileonherface.Ipulledherintoahug.“Well?Can

youstay?”

Shenuzzledintomyneckandinhaled.“Yeah,butIhadtomakeadealwithmymother.”

Ikissedherlipsthenpulledbacktolookather.“What’sthat?”

“I told her I was at my friend Cade’s and she insisted that you join us for dinner. Are you free

tomorrow?”

“Dinner?Withyourparents?”Iheldheratarms’length,lookingherover.Shecouldn’tbeserious.I

thoughtwewerejusthavingfun,butthis…meetingtheparentswassomethingmore,wasn’tit?

Herbottomlipjuttedout.“Isthatokay?”

“Ah,sure.IcanprobablygetSophiatocomeover.”

HersmilemomentarilyfalteredatthementionofSophia’sname.“Okay.”

AlexahelpedLilywashherhandswhileIsetthetable.I’dstoppedattheneighborhooddiner,and

notknowingwhatAlexawouldlike,I’dpickedupaburgerandagrilledchickensaladforher,alongwith

myusualburgerandLily’sgrilled-cheesesandwich.

Oncewewereallseatedaroundthetable,AlexachosethegrilledchickensaladfordinnerandLily

announcedshewantedsalad,too.Alexagraciouslysharedthesalad,dividingitontotwoplateswhileI

stuffedtheextrafoodinthefridgefordinneranothernight.

Wemadesmalltalkwhileweate,AlexaandLilybothreminiscingabouttheirgirls’day.Oncewe

finishedwithdinner,Alexahoppedupfromherchair.“Oh,Ialmostforgot.Igotdessert.”Sheretrieved

thepinkbakeryboxfromthecounter.

Ishookmyheadslowly.“Youspoilus.What’dyouget?”

“Cupcakes,whatelse?”Shegrinned.

I chuckled and Lily clapped her hands, completely unaware of Alexa’s nickname. I leaned back,

drapinganarmacrossthebackofAlexa’schairandwatchedasAlexa removed a pink-frosted cupcake

from the box and placed it in front of Lily, peeling off the paper cup. Lily’s eyes went wide and she

wastednotimebitingintotheenormoustreat. By her enthusiasm, you’d think I never fed the poor kid.

AlexachuckledandwipedpinkfrostingfromthetipofLily’snose.

We watched Lily demolish her cupcake in relative silence. “You didn’t have to do all this you

know.”

“Iwantedto,”shereturned.

Iknewtherewasnouseinarguingwithher,butsomethingaboutitdidn’tsitquite right with me.

WassheherecaringforLilyandhangingaroundmebecauseshefeltbadforus?Wewerenotafucking

charitycaseforhertotakepityon.

Seemingtosensemymood,Alexadippedherindexfingerintothefrostingofacupcakeandbrought

ittomymouth,hereyessparklingwithchallenge.Ireachedoutandgrippedherwrist,myeyeslockedon

hersasIswirledmytonguegentlyacrossthepadofherfinger.

Alexaletoutaraggedmoan.Lilygiggledatthesightofus,pullingourattentionbacktothefactthat

wehadanaudience.

Iclearedmythroat,tryingtoregainsomecomposureandstopthethrobbingachelowinmyballs.

“DoyouwanttoshowAlexahowtostartyourbathwaterwhileIcleanupthekitchen?”

Lilyhoppedupandwithonehandholdingherwalker,shegrabbedforAlexa’shandwiththeother.

“Comeon,Lexa.I’llshowyouwhereIkeepthebubbles.”

WatchingthetwoofthemtogetherhadmewonderingifLilyneededmoreamorestablefemalerole

modelinherlife.Thethoughtwassobering.

Icleanedupthekitchentothebackdropofpleasantsoundsoffemininelaughterandsplashingwater

coming from down the hall. Once I was through I peeked into the bathroom, finding Lily covered in

bubbles,playingwithherbathtoysandAlexakneelingoverthesideofthetub,wigglingthatfinelittleass

atme.Itookamomenttoinspecthershapelybackside,thewayherjeanshuggedhercurvesandtheway

hershirthadriddenup,exposingthecurveofherlowerback.Shewassexyashellanddidn’tevenknow

it.AndseeinghernurturingsidewithLily—hell,thatjustsetoffallkindsofalphamaleinme.Iwanted

her.

Theycaughtsightofmewatching,andAlexastraightened,pullinghershirtdowntocoverthebare

fleshofherback.

“Lexa,youcanhaveabathandusemybubbleswhenI’mdone,ifyouwant,”Lilysaid.

Alexa’seyeswentwide,blushrisinginhercheeks.Shegavethelittlegirlatremuloussmile.“Oh,

nothanks,sweetheart.It’sokay.”

“Finishup.It’sbedtime,”Igrowled.

TheyturnedatthegruffnessofmyvoiceandAlexa’seyeslingeredonmine.“Comeon, lets rinse

youoff,”sheinstructed,hervoicejustasshakyasmine.

AlexatuckedLilyintobedandmetmeinthelivingroom.Withoutawordorasingle moment of

hesitation,Alexacrossedtheroom,andloweredherselfonmylap.Icuppedherass,tuggingherincloser,

andkissedher.Hersoft,tenderkissesweremessingwithmyhead.Thisnolongerfeltlikewewerejust

foolingaround.Itfeltlikemore.Muchmore.

Chapter14

Alexa

Cadehadturnedonamovieundertheployofuscuddlingonthecouch,butthewayhisbodywas

pressedfirmlyagainstmybackside,andhenuzzledandnibbledatmyneckwasateensybitdistracting.I

couldfeelhisheartbeatagainstmybody,andrelaxedintothecomfortheprovided,evenifitcouldn’tlast

forever.

“Wheredoyoulive,Lex?”heaskedsoftly.

“Hm?”

Heabsentlytwirledalockofmyhairaroundhisfinger.

“Acrosstown.”Iyawned.“Why?”

“Idon’tlikeyouhavingtodrivehomelateatnightinthedark.”Hisgentleconcernhungintheair

aroundusfeelingoutofplace,butsweetnonetheless.“Butifyoustayedhere…Lilywouldaskallkinds

ofquestionsthatI’mnotreadytoanswer.”

Whathemeantwas,hewasn’tyetreadytodiscusswherethisrelationshipwasheading.Were we

eveninrelationshipterritory?God,Ireallyneededtogetagrip.“It’sfineCade.Iliveinasafebuilding.

Ihaveundergroundparkingandadoorman.”Ididn’tmentiontheon-sitefitnesscenter,spaandtwenty-

fourhourconcierge,knowingtheywereapartofmylifethatCadewasn’tusedto.

Hedidn’tpresstheissuefurther,butIcouldtellmyanswerhadn’tsatisfiedhim.Hedrapedaheavy

armaroundmymiddleandtuggedmeintighteragainsthim.

“Howisitpossibleyou’restillavirgin,cupcake?You’resexyashell.”

Iconsiderednotonlyhisquestion,butalsomyanswer.Itwasn’tsomethingI’dplannedon.“Iwent

toanall-girlsprivateschool,andthefewdatesIhadweremostlychaperonestomydances,arrangedby

my parents. We spent Christmases in Aspen, summers at our lake house, and I guess there just really

wasn’ttime.”

I shifted, snuggling in closer to his warm body. “I decided to stay nearby for college rather than

movingawayandfindingmyownpathlikeI’dpromisedmyselfIwould.AndIguessIjustkeptrighton

thelivinginthemoldmyparentshadcreated.Stupid,huh?”

“Notatall,baby.That’snotwhatImeant.”Hegavemeasqueeze,holdingmeclose.“IknowI’m

notthetypeyouusuallydate,butmaybe…justfornow…”

“Shh.Let’sjustgowithit,Cade.”Ilacedmyfingerswithhisandbroughtthemtomylipstopressa

kisstothebackofhishand.Hechuckledagainstmyear,sendingawarmwhisperofbreathdowntheback

ofmyneck.

“IcanthinkofsomethingI’dlikeyoukissingbetterthanmyhand.”Hisvoicewaslowandrough.

I reached behind me to feel thegrowing erection in his jeans and he sucked in a ragged breath. I

rolled over on the narrow couch so that I was facing him. His eyes were dark and intense, and full of

desire.Wordlessly,weeachbeganunbuttoningthe other’s jeans while our tongues collided in a frantic

kiss.

Cade yanked my jeans down my legs, taking my panties with them. I tugged his pants and boxers

downjustenoughuntilIfeltthewarmthofhissolidcockpressingagainstmynakedbelly.Igraspedhim

inbothhands,plentifulashewas,andcarefullystrokedhim.

“Fuckthatfeelsgood.”Hewatched my hands work up and down, growling low in his throat. He

tuggedatthehemof my shirt, and I released him momentarily to lift my arms above my head, allowing

himtoremovetheoffendingpieceoffabric.

HehauledmeontopofhimsoIwaslyingflushagainsthisbody,histenseerectionnudgingatmy

opening. We were so close, just a few millimeters more and he would be inside me. His dark gaze

collidedwithmineandheldmespeechless.Irockedmyhipsagainsthis,slidinghiscockagainstmywet

folds.IfelthisbodytenseandwhenIopenedmyeyes,hisweresqueezedclosedandhewasbreathing

unevenly.

The sounds of soft whimpering drifted from Lily’s bedroom. We pulled apart, our eyes searching

eachother’s.

“Caden!”Lilycriedout.

Hehoppedup,tuggingonhisjeans,andjoggedfromtheroom.

I sat up on the couch and pulled on my clothes. The moment was gone. I could hear Cade’s low

voicemurmuringsoothingendearmentstoLily.

Islippedonmyshoesandjacket.Ithadbeenalongday,andmywarringemotionsoverCadeand

fussingoverLilyhadleftmefeelingexhausted.

Cadereturnedafewminuteslater,lookingwornout.

“Issheokay?”

Herubbedthebackofhisneck.“Yeah,she’sfine.Justabaddream.Iputherinmybed.”

Oh.

Heeyedmyjacketandfrowned.

“It’sgettinglate,”Iexplained.

He nodded. “Yeah, I suppose so.” He crossed the room in two easy strides and pulled me to his

chest,plantingasoftkissonmymouth.“Goodnight.”

“Night,”Iwhispered,breathlessfromhiskiss.

HewalkedmetothecurbandstoodnearthecardoorwhenIclimbedinside.

“Sotomorrow,right?Whattime?”

“Six.We’llmeetinfrontoftheShermanOaksCountryClub.”

Heshookhishead.“Damn,cupcake…”

IknewI’dconvenientlyleftoutthepartaboutthedinnerbeingatmyparents’club.Igrinnedathim

sweetly.“Oh,andCade?Wearatie.”Iclosedmycardooronhisstunnedexpressionandpulledaway.

Howwewentfromporn-star-slash-patienttopseudo-boyfriend,Ihadnoidea.Despitethecozydomestic

daywe’dshared,Icouldn’tforgetthatCadeandIcamefromverydifferentwalksoflife,andknew that

dinnerwithmyparentswouldtestwhateverrelationshipwe’ddeveloped.

*****

I spotted Cade right away. He was dressed in a white button-down shirt and navy tie, with navy

slackstomatch.Helookedsexyassin,butIcouldn’thelpbutnoticehowoutofplacehelookedinthe

entrywayofthehoity-toityclub,histattooplayingpeek-a-boowithhisshirtcollar.Andhemusthavefelt

ittoo,becausehiseyesdartedaroundtheparkinglot,searchingmeoutandthesetofhisshouldersonly

relaxedwhenhiseyesmetmine.

He appraised me with a sexy grin as I approached, my stiletto heels clicking against the brick

walkway.HepressedahandtomylowerbackonceIwasnearanddrewmeclose,droppingakisstomy

throat.“Youlooksexy,cupcake,”hegrowled.

Iblushedathiscompliment,lookingdownatthefittedblackdressIrarelygotthechancetowear

anymore.“Thanks.”MyeyessearchedtheparkinglotandwhenIspotted my parents’ approach I pulled

awayfromCade’sembrace.

Mymomworeapale-bluepantsuitandmydadwasinhiscustomarySundayattire—chinos and a

navy blazer, collar unbuttoned, no tie. It was the only day of the week he went sans-tie, considering he

workednearlytwenty-fourseven.ButIknewCadewearingonewouldmaketherightimpression.

Astheyapproached,Cadeleanedintowardsmyear.“WhydidIhavetowearatieifhedidn’t?”

Ielbowedhisribs,fixingasmileonmyfaceasmyparentsapproached.

A man in a suit approached from our left, tossing a set of keys into Cade’s hand. “Hey, keep it

running,I’llbebackinafew.”

Cade’seyesmetmine,fullofirritation.Oh!MyconfusionclearedandIrealizedhethoughtCade

wasthevalet.

Cadegrumbled something atthe man, andtossed the keys backto him justas my parents stopped

besideus.

MymomandIexchangedkissesandIgavemydadaquickhugbeforeintroducingthemtoCade.

Theysmiledathimpolitelyandheandmydadshookhands.

“Whatwasthat?”mydadasked,tippinghisheadtowardstheguynowwaitingbythecurbforthe

actualvalet.

“Just a misunderstanding,” I interjected quickly before Cade could open his mouth, and fixed a

smileonmyface.

Thisfeltstrange.Waystrange.Gowithit,Alexa.

Mymother’seyesroamedovermydressandhermouthpinchedclosed.Ituggedatthehemofmy

skirt,willingitclosertomyknees.CadenoticedwhatIwasdoingandtookmyhand in his, giving it a

firmsqueezebeforereleasingit.Itookadeepbreathandtrailedbehindmyparentsintothediningroom.

The hostess seated us at my parents’ usual table near the windows overlooking the golf course.

Seeinghowfallwassettlingin,notmanygolferswerebravingthecoursetoday,butforafewdedicated

soulsjustfinishingthebacknine.

Cadewaseverthegentlemen,seemingtohavemovedpassedthevaletmishap,andpulledout my

chairbeforesettlinginhisown.Hefrownedattheexpansivequantityofsilverwareathisplace setting

andIgavehiskneeagentlesqueezeunderneaththetable.

“Alexa’sneverbroughtadatetoourSundaydinners,”mymomsaid,suspiciouslyeyeingCade.

Cade,thinkingquickonhisfeet,graspedmyhandontopofthetable.“WellI’mhappytobehere.”

Mymomsettledbackintoherchair,herbackstillramrodstraight,butseeminglysatisfiedwithhis

response.

The server came by for our drink order, beginning with Cade—he ordered a bottle of beer. I

winced.WeneverdrankatSundaydinners.Itwassortofathingwithmyparents.Therestofusordered

icedtea.

Whentheserverreturnedwithourdrinks,CadewavedawaythesuggestionofapilsnerglassandI

thoughtmymother’seyesweregoingtopopoutofherhead.Butwhenhetippedhisheadbackanddrank

straightfromthebottle,exposingalittlesectionofhistattoo,mymothersuckedinagaspandgrippedthe

tableclothinfrontofher.

I wanted to go to the bathroom and hide. It wouldn’t have been the first time I’d done so. The

fartheststallbackontheleftsideoftheladies’roomhadservedasadisappearingplaceafewtimesover

theyearswhenIneededtoescapemymother’smeddling.

DadfinallyaskedthequestionIknewhadbeenonhismindsincemeetingCade.“So,whatdoyou

do,Cade?”

Cade pulled back another fortifying swig of this beer before answering. “I work construction.

Roofingmostly.”

“Hmm,”mymotherpursedherlips.

Mydadsimplynodded.“Youenjoyworkingwithyourhands?Ineverwasmuchgoodatit.Hell,I

practicallyhavetocallanelectricianjusttochangealightbulb.”

Cadesmiled,relaxingjustabitintohischair.“Yeah,Ilikeseeingthetangibleresultsofmywork.I

do all sorts of things, carpentry, electrical—let me know if you ever need a hand. I draw the line at

plumbing,buttherestIcanusuallyfigureout.”

I’dneverreallyheardCadetalkabouthiswork,Irealized.Ilikedhearinghimdescribeit.Itwas

thesamewayIfeltaboutnursing.Ilikedthenotionofhelpingtoimprovesomething,leavingitinbetter

condition than the way I found it. Sure, my work was with people, and Cade’s was with inanimate

materials, but I still understood what he meant. I doubted my dad could relate, balance sheets weren’t

exactlyexciting.ButIlikedthathenoddedandsmiled,atleasttryingtorelatetoCade.

Thewaiterwassoonback,takingourorder.“Theprime-ribspecialMr.andMrs.Blake?”

My parents nodded in agreement. Cade handed over his menu without looking at it. “You have

burgershere?”

Thewaiternodded.“Certainly,sir.”

Withoutknowingwhatpossessedme,perhapsitwasthecarefreechicken-wing-eatingLexamaking

hercomeback,IfollowedCade’slead.“I’lltaketheburgertoo.”

“Butyoualwaysgettheprimerib—”mymotherinterrupted.

“Iknow,butI’minthemoodforaburgertonight.”

“Don’tbesilly,she’llhavetheprimerib,”mymothertoldthewaiter.

Thewaiter’sgazebouncedbetweenmeandmymother,seeminglyunsureofwhotolistento,when

Cadeinterrupted.“Alexa’sabiggirl,sheknowswhatshewants.”Thestatementwaslacedwithdeeper

meaningandweallknewit.

Icouldn’thelpbutsmileathimbeforeturningtothewaiter.“The burger, please. Well done with

goudacheese.”

Cadeleanedback,drapinghisarmoverthebackofmychair,casuallysippinghisbeer.

“HaveyouseenmuchofPeter,dear?”mymomasked.

NicetimingMom.

Cade’sgazedflickedtomine,clearlyinterestedinmyresponse.

“No,mother,”Isaidinaclippedtone,sendingheradropitglare.

The rest of the dinner passed without further drama. My dad and Cade tried to find topics to

discuss, and after several false starts with 401k investments, and then politics, they finally settled on

something on which they could both agree—Chicago Bears football. They were soon animatedly

discussingdraftpicksandthequarterback’slatestarrest.

My mother ate in silence, stabbing at her dinner and pushing it around her plate. My burger was

delicious, and I wondered why I’d never ordered for myself before. I ate every bite and was nearly

burstingfrommydressbythetimewelefttherestaurantashortwhilelater.

CadeandIlingeredintheparkinglotaftermyparentspulledaway.Hispickuptruckstuckoutlikea

sorethumbintheparkinglotfullofluxurysedansandSUVs.Myownincluded.

“IsSophiawatchingLily?”

“Yeah,”hereplied.

“Do you have time to come over for a drink? I don’t live far from here.” I liked the idea of him

seeingwhere I lived,not to mention,I was eager tofinish where weleft off last night before we were

interruptedbyLily’snightmare.

Hesighedandranhishandsthroughhishair,thenyankedhistielooseatthecollar.“I’dbetternot.”

Theairarounduschanged.Itfeltstiff,cold.“Cade?”Ishiftedastepcloser.“Whatisit?”Ibraced

myself,readytohearthatmyjudgmentalmotherhadprovedtoomuchforhimandhewascuttingouton

me.

“IneedtogethometoLily.”HiseyesrefusedtomeetmineandIknewtherewassomethinghewas

holdingback.

IwasabouttotellhimthatLilywouldbefineforanhour,butsomethingabouthisstiffstancetold

metonottopresshim.“Oh,IsupposeIcouldcometoyourplace,then.”

Hetookastepback.“Nottonight,Alexa.”

Ifrowned,andwhenIsuddenlyrealizedthathe’dcalledmeAlexaratherthancupcake,mystomach

twistedintoapainfulknot.“What’swrong?”

“Listen,Lex.YouandIarefun,butwebothknowIcan’taffordtheshityou’reusedto. Prime-rib

dinnersandthree-hundred-dollarpedicuresdon’tfitintomylife.Thisisboundtoendsometimeandthe

moretimewespendtogetherwillonlyhurtLilymorewhenthathappens.”

“I’msorry,Ijustthoughtthewarmsoakandmassagewouldbegoodforherlegs.” That spa visit

hadn’tbeenaboutme.I’ddoneitwithLilyinmind.His eyes widened in understanding, and a flash of

guiltflickeredthroughthem.

“Regardless,youknowI’mright.Thedisapprovalwaswrittenalloveryourparents’faces.Ididn’t

gotocollege.Idon’thavesomefancydegree.Ihaveresponsibilities—amortgage,andfullcustodyofa

six-year-old.”

“WhatwasallthatstuffinsideaboutAlexa’sabiggirl,sheknowswhatshewants?”Ichallenged.

Sure,hehadresponsibilities,butwhenhadIevershowedhimIwasn’tonboardwithLily?Andsowhat

ifhedidn’thaveacollegedegree?Hehadafreakin’Mastersinseduction.

“You’reanadult.Youshouldbeabletostanduptoyourparents.”

“Well…IknowwhatIwant.”Mytonewasdefiantandmyeyesdidn’twaverfromhis.

Hesighedandlookedpastme.“Thatmaybe,butIhavealittlegirltotakecareof.Shedoesn’thave

anyoneelse.Shehastocomefirst.I’msorry.”

“Iknow.”Iunderstoodthat,Itrulydid.

“Are you telling me you think your parents would ever accept us dating? No. You know they

wouldn’t.YoumomwastryingtosetyouupwithPeterwhileIwassittingrightthere.”

“Idon’tcare.”

“Ido.”Hisexpressiondidn’twaver.Itwaslikesomeonehadstompedonmychest,andIstruggled

forbreath.

“Cade…”Ireachedoutforhisforearm,buthetookastepback.

“Goonhome,Alexa.”

HisemotionlesstoneallbutfrozemyskinandIstumbledastepbackinmyheels.Notwantinghim

toseemecry,Iturnedandfledformycar.

Chapter15

Cade

KeepingmydistancefromAlexawasprovingmoredifficultthanIeverimagined.Everysingleday

Ihadhalfamindtodriveuptothehospitaltoseeher,andLordknowsIwantedtocheckonher,hearher

voice,seehowshewasfaring.Nottomention,duringthefirstdaysofAlexa’sabsence,Lilydrovemeup

afuckingwalltalkingaboutLexanonstop.Ihadn’tmeanttolosemytemperwithher,butsinceIhad,she

hadn’tbroughtupthetopicofAlexaagain.

ThankfuckingGod.

ItwasjustlikeItoldAlexa—Iknewfromthebeginningthingswouldendthisway,witha certain

littlegirlwonderingwhereshe’dgoneandmyheartfuckingcrushedbecauseofit.

There was no denying that meeting Alexa’s parents had changed things. After that exchange of

words in the parking lot, we hadn’t talked at all. I’d almost broken down and called her half a dozen

times,butwastryinglikehelltogivehersomedistance.Shehadtoseethisthingbetweenwasn’tgoingto

work.Imean,whatdidsheexpect,thatI’dwinoverherparents,putaringonherfinger?Ofcourse she

deservednothingless.Buttherealworldwasn’tlikeoneofthosegoddamnfairytalestoriesofLily’s.

AfterignoringseveralcallsfromRick,I’dfinallygivenin,decidingitwastimetodoanotherfilm.

Itoldmyselfthiswasit—itwouldbemylastone.I’dpayoffLily’soutstandingbills,plusthatERvisitof

mineandbedonewiththewholething.

Ipickedupmyphoneanddialed,knowingIonlyhadafewminutesbeforeLilywasdueoffthebus.

“Rick?Yeah,I’lldoit.Whenandwhere?”

Ilistenedashegavemetheinstructions.Tomorrow.Shaveinthemorning.Beonlocationatnoon.

“Done. See you then.” I ended the call. I hadn’t even asked who I’d be working with. It didn’t

matter.Ineededthemoney.MycontractstatedwhatIwouldn’tdo—thewholegayforpaything—andthe

rest,IknewIcouldhandle.

OnceImetLilyoffthebusandgothersettledinwithasnackandher‘toons,Igrabbedabottleof

beerandtookoffforthegarage,needingtoblowoffsomesteambyreorganizingmytoolbox,orpunching

something.Takeyourpick.

Itdidlittletorelievemytension,andtenminuteslaterIwasstalkingbackinside.“Lily?”

Itwascompletelysilentinthehouse.Notagoodsign.Iroundedthecornerfromthekitchentothe

livingroomandsteppedinsomethingwet,andwarm.Whatthe—?

When I entered the living room, the reason for the damp carpeting became clear. Lily had

maneuveredalargepotofwaterintothelivingroomanddumpeditontothefloor,basedonthepuddleI

wasstandinginandtheoverturnedpotinfrontofme.

“Lily, what in the world?” I grabbed the overturned pot, then reached down to wrench off my

soakingwetsocks.

IfoundLilycryingsilentlyonthecouch.Irushedtoher.“Babydoll?Whathappened?”

She sniffed, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth. “I wanted to do a pedicure like me and Lexa

did.”

That’s what the pot of water had been for?To soak her feet? I hugged her to my chest. “Shh. It’s

okay.It’llbeokay.”Fuck.Ihadnotraininginhowtodealwiththis.HowwouldIhandlewhenshestarted

herperiodorwantedtogoonadate?Dammit.

JustwhenIwasstarting to get on with my life and put the ache of missing Alexa behind me, life

happenedandlandedablowtomygut.MyfirstinstinctwastocallAlexa,tobeghertocomeback,butI

continued cleaning up the rest of the water, tryingto talk myself out of it. When I couldn’t hold off any

longer,Ipulledmyphonefrommypocketanddialedhernumber.Thelinerangseveraltimesbeforeher

voicemailpickedup.Damn.Ihungupwithoutleavingamessage.WhatwouldIsay?I’manasshole,but

canyouputthatasideandcomeback?Yeah,thatwouldwork.

Idumpedthewetragsintothesinkasmycellphonerang.Ipulleditfrommypocketandthescreen

flashingAlexa’snamesentmyheartjumping.Alexa.

“Cupcake?”

She laughed nervously, all warm and feminine. God, I’d needed to hear that laugh. My tense

shouldersinstantlyeasedandIsankdownintoachairatthekitchentable.

“Cade?”hervoicewasguarded.“Isawyoucalled.”

Ihatedhearinghersoformalanddowntobusiness.“Yeah,it’sjust…Lily…she’sbeenprettytorn

upsinceyouleft.”

“Lilyhas?”shequestioned,hervoicetingedwithatouchofsarcasm.

“Yeah,”Isaid,losingmynerve.

“Well,let’sclearsomethingup.Ididn’tleave,Iwaspushedaway.There’sadifference,youknow.”

“Iknow,”Isaidsheepishly.

Sheletoutanexasperatedsigh.“NowtellmewhathappenedwithLily.”

IexplainedtheupturnedpotofwateronmyfloorandthefactthatLilywascurrentlycampedouton

thecouchinoneofmyoldT-shirts,eatingabowloficecream.Beforedinner.Justtoquiethersobsabout

thespilledthewater.

“I’llbeoverintenminutes,”Alexasaid.

“Thankyou,cupcake.”

“Letmeclarifyonething,”shesnapped,hervoicelacedwithanger,“I’mcomingforLily.Notyou.”

Andwiththatshehungup.

Damn.

HavingAlexaonherwaymadeeverythingfeellighter,feel right somehow. Even if she was only

comingforLily,thespilledwaterandthesoakingwetcarpeting,noneofwhichbothered me anymore. I

headedintomyroomtochangemywetclothesandwaitforAlexatoarrive.

Alexa’sarrivalwasmetwithsquealsoflaughterandLilygrabbingforherwalkertoracetogreet

her at the front door. I stood back and watched Alexa scoop her up in a hug. Alexa was positively

glowing.Shewasmorebeautifulthanmymemorycouldhaveprocessed.Herhairwassweptupintoa

looseponytail,severaltendrilsescapingtoframeherfaceandshewasdressedcasuallyinjeansanda

fittedpinktop.Shelookedgoodenoughtoeat.Myveryowncupcake.

ButAlexawasallbusiness,takingcareofLilyandignoringmecompletely.I’dneverfeltawkward

inmyownhouse,butitsureasshitdidnow.SheliftedLilytoherhip,cradlingandrockingher.“Sh,”

Alexawhispered.“I’mhere.”

HearingLilyaskherinbetweensobbinghiccupswhyshehasn’tbeenaroundtuggedatmyheart.

Once Lily was calmed and quieted, Alexa strode into the kitchen, grabbed her purse from the

kitchentableandstartedforthedoor.

Ireachedforherhand,butsheshruggedherselffreefrommygrasp.

“Please,Lex.Willyoustay?”

Hereyesmetmine,fullofquestions.“ForyouorforLily?”

Iswallowed.“Forme.”Itookherhandagain,noticingthatshenolongerfoughtme,yetherhand

remainedlimpinmine.Igaveitasqueeze.

“Irecallyousaying—”Alexastarted.

“IknowwhatIsaid,butI’manidiot,okay?”

“Yes,youare,”sheagreed.Icouldhearthesmileinhervoice,evenifherfaceremainedimpassive.

“Sowillyoustay?I’llevencookforyou.Itwon’tbeprimerib,but…”

Shechuckled.“IsupposeIcouldeat.”

“Comeon.I’vegottwoprettyladiestofeed.”IsetLilydowninadiningroomchair.“Whatdoyou

say,scrambledeggs?”

Shenoddedandsettledintoherseat,andAlexareluctantlyjoinedmeinthekitchen.

“Eggs?Fordinner?”Alexaquestioned,hertoneoneofsurprise.

“Whatdoyouhaveagainsteggs?”

“Nothing,”sheback-peddled.“I’vejustneverhadscrambledeggsfordinner.”

“Hey,youtrycookingtopleasethepalateofbothaneighty-year-oldandathree-year-old.I’dlike

toseewhatyoucomeupwith.”

She placed her hand on my cheek and held my eyes with hers as if to acknowledge all I’d been

through. I smiled at her gentle concern, and after a moment she dropped her hand and stepped aside to

allowmeroomtowork.Iremovedacartonofeggsandapackageofshreddedcheesefromthefridgeand

gottowork.

Ihadn’texplainedthewholestorytoher,anddidn’tplanto.ThatyearIlostmygrandmotherwas

hardenough—she’dbasicallyraisedme.ButcouplethatwithmyparentsdroppingoffLily,stillunableto

walk at age three because they hadn’t invested the time or money into her care, and my grandfather’s

failinghealth…andyeah,lifehadbeenhellthatyear.

The truth was, none of us liked my attempts at cooking that first year, but rather than starve, we

madeitwork.Andacartonofeggswascheap.Ofcourse,thosehadbeenthedayswhenwewerestill

surviving off my grandfather’s meager social security checks, before he passed away in his sleep one

nightandIstartedworkingfulltime.

Gosh,itseemedlikesolongago.NowItookcareofmyselfandLilyalmostonauto-pilot,butback

then,ithadliterallyseemedanimpossiblefeat.

Afterdinner,AlexaandIsettledonLily’sbedwhileshereadusastory.Eventhoughthestoryshe’d

selectedwasquiteabitaboveherreadinglevel,I’dreadittohersomanytimesshehaditmemorized

nearly word for word. My eyes drifted along Alexa’s outstretched form, her arm thrown over Lily’s

shouldersastheyhuddledtogetheronthepillow,rosycheeksandeyesgluedtothebooktheyreadfrom.

My gaze followed the length of Alexa’s lean, denim-clad legs down to her cotton-candy-pink polished

toes.Iranmyfingertipslightlyoverthearchofherbarefootandhereyescaughtmine.Iknewwewere

bothanticipatingbeingalonetonight.IalsoknewIhadsomegrovelingtodo.

OnceLilywastuckedinforthenight,Alexaand I crept from the room. She started off down the

hall,butmyhandsonherwaiststoppedher.Ipulledherupagainstmychest.“Ithoughtwe’dgo in my

roomtonight.”

Hereyesdarteduptomine,tryingtounderstandmymeaning.Sheblinkedupatmewithblueeyes

widening in surprise, trusting me, following me wherever I might lead her. I took her hand and led her

insidemydarkenedbedroom.Notbotheringtoturnonalight—it’donlyrevealalargemessybed,anda

singledresserinthecorneranyhow—Igentlysteeredhertowardsmybed.WhenIfeltthebacksofher

legsbumpagainstthemattress,Igavehershouldersagentlenudgeandshefellbackwards,gigglingas

shehitthebedandtuggingmedownontopofher.

Mylipssoughtouthersinthedarkness,mybodyneedingtobeclosetoherineverywaypossible.

Ourlimbswereatangledheapinthecenterofthebed,thoughItriedtokeepmyweightfromcrushingher.

Icouldn’tbelieveI’dbeenstupidenoughtopushheraway.IfbysomesmallmiraclethisangelthoughtI

wasgoodenoughforher,Iwashers.Bodyandsoul.

“Hey,Ialmostforgot.Igotsomethingforyou.”Idisentangledmyselffromher,feltmyway to my

dresserandlocatedwhatIwaslookingfor.“Where’syourpurse?”

“Youcangiveittome.”

“Notrightnow.I’lljusttuckitinsideyourbagforlater.”

“Okay.Mypurseisonthecouch.”

“Be right back.” I jogged down the hallway, depositing the canister into her bag before rejoining

her.

She’d tugged down the blankets and was resting in the center of the bed when I returned. Once I

located her, she cuddled against my chest, her head tucked under my chin as if this spot was designed

solelyforher.Hell,maybeitwas.

ShereachedonehandundermyT-shirtandsoothedmewithgentlecaressesIdidn’tdeserve.Her

fingersworkedawayallthetensioninmyneckandshoulders.“It’sallgoingtobeokaywithLily,you

know.You’redoingthebestyoucan,”shewhispered.

HearingherapprovalofmyeffortswithLilywasashocktomysystem.It was something I never

heardfromanyone,leastofallmyself.Therewasalwaysmoretodo,moretoworryabout,moreIshould

havebeendoing.

Alexa’spresenceinourliveswasproofofthat.Butthenagain,shewasfillingavoidIcouldn’t.

Providingawoman’stouch.AndseeingthejoyshebroughttoLily,Iwasn’tabouttorobLilyofthat.But

havingAlexaacknowledgemyefforts,workingtocalmmyfears,setoffsomethinginsidemeandmyheart

squeezedinmychest.IknewIdidn’tdeserveawomanthispureandperfect,butdamnifIdidn’twantto

keepher.

“Thankyou,”Isaid,simply.

“Ihatedhowweleftthings…inthatparkinglot,”shebreathedagainstmyskin.

“Shh.”Ikissedawayherfears,brushingherhairbackfromherface.“Thatwasmyfault.Willyou

forgiveme?”

“Hmm.That’dbetooeasy.Youmightneedsomeremindersabouthowgoodwearetogether.”

Ipressedakisstoherforehead,hersweetscentrushingoverme.“IknowI’mnotthetypeyoutake

home to Mommy and Daddy, and that never bothered me before now, but dammit Alexa. I’m sorry…”

EvenifIgottobethefirstoneinsideher,thefirsttofuckher,woulditevenbeenough?WouldIbeokay

withthefactthatsoonerorlatersomeprickwithanicecarandanofficejobwouldcomealongandputa

ringonherfinger?Fuck,Icouldn’tthinklikethat.Itwaswhatshedeserved.ButI’dtakeeverysecondI

couldgetwithheruntilthen.

She pushed against my chest, wanting space and I rolled off of her. In the moonlight, I could just

makeouthersilhouetteasshesatbackonherheelsandliftedhershirtoffoverherhead,thrustinghertits

out.AllthebloodrushedtomygroinandIbitbackagroan.Iswallowed,andpulledinaraggedbreath.

Shewasfuckingperfection.

She pressed a few soft kisses on my throat and my chest, and rocked her hips against mine.

Everything felt different with her. Sure, I was horny as hell, but it was more than that, too. There was

nothingmeaninglessaboutthis.WitheachsoftcryIelicitedfromher,eachtimehergazemetmine,Iwas

fallingdeeperanddeeper.ButIhadn’taskedhertobepartofmylifebecauseIknewitwasn’trealistic.

I’dbeenaroundtheblock,seenhowthingsworkedandwouldn’tputLilythroughthat.Iclosedmyeyes

andtriedtojustenjoythetimeIhadwithher.

I reached behind her and unclasped her bra, needing to taste her. Hell, I’d give my left nut for a

taste.Iplantedseveralopenmouthedkissesoneachbarebreast.She thrust her chest out, angling herself

closertomymouth.“Don’tteaseme,cupcake.Notifyou’renotreadyforthis…”Myvoicewascoarse,

andmytonemoremenacingthanIintended,butAlexaroseonherkneesinthecenterofthebedandbegan

unbuttoningherjeans,slowlyslidingthemdownherhips,wigglingherfinelittleass.

“Thepantiestoo,”Igrowled.

Sheslidherfingersundertheelasticandtuggedthepantiesdownherlegs, sending them over the

sideofthebedalongwithherjeans.

Once she was completely undressed, I tugged off my own T-shirt and yanked down my jeans,

tossingthemtothefloor.“Comehere.”Ieasedherdownontoherback,andspreadherkneesuntilher

legsfellapartaswideastheywouldgo,beforeleaningforwardtotasteher.

Whenmymouthmetherflesh,herheaddroppedbackagainstthepillowandsheletoutalowmoan.

Icircledherclitwithmytongue,teasingandsuckingthedelicatefleshintomymouthwhileshewrithed

underneathme.Herhipswouldn’tremainstill,liftingtomeetmymouthasiftheyhadamindoftheirown,

andIhadtogripherwaisttokeepholdhersteady.Icoulddothisallday,butitwasn’tlongbeforeshe

wasballingthecomforterinherfistsandcryingoutmynameasherreleasecrashedoverher.

Icrawledupherbodyandheldheragainstmychest,whereshepromptlynestledherselfin again.

“AmIforgivenyet?”Iwhisperedintoherhair.

Shesighedcontentedlyandpattedmyback.“Mm-hmm.”

Ichuckled.

TossingasidethefactthatIhadathrobbingerection,Iwouldhavelainthereallnightjustholding

her,doingmybesttowinherover.ButafterafewminutesAlexa’sbreathinghadreturnedtonormaland

sheclimbedontopofme,straddlingmylap.Thefeelofherwetheatpressedagainstmyerectionsentmy

heartrateskyrocketing.Iwantedher.Fuck,Ineededher.

“Youcan’tkeepslidingthatsweetpussyalongmycock,sweetheart,unlessyou’rereadyformeto

buryitdeepinsideyou.”

Sheletoutasoftwhimper.

Igrippedherupperarms,hardenoughsosheknewIwasseriousbutnothardenoughtohurt,and

hauledheroffme.“I’mnotgoingtobeabletocontrolmyselfwithyoucupcake,andIdon’twanttohurt

you.”

“Cade,please.Insideme…”shewhispered.

Awhell,hearingherbegforitjustaboutundidme.Didsheknowwhatshewasaskingme? “Are

yousure?Yourfirsttimeshouldbewithsomeoneimportant,doll.”

Heranswerwasdetermined.“Iknow.”

Myheartspasmedagain.Iwantedtomakehermine.“Yousureyou’rereadyforthis?”

“Yes,”shebreathed,hervoiceraspywithneed.

Iplantedasoftkissonhermouth,andfelthershudderwhenmyerectionpressedagainstherhip.I

blindlyreachedovertomynightstand,unwillingtobreakthekissandfoundthefoilpacketIwaslooking

for.WithinsecondsIhadrolledonthecondom,andoncethefamiliarscent of latex hung in the air, my

dickhadamindofitsown,nudgingagainstAlexa’sbellyasifitwasseekingentrance.IknewIneededto

slowmyselfdown,buthertinywhimpersandthewaysherockedherhipsagainstminewerewearingat

mypatience.

I brought a hand between us to position myself between her legs and eased forward, nudging the

head of my cock against her entrance, bracing myself above her. Alexa gripped my biceps as I pushed

forwardjustslightly.Shesuckedinabreathandheldit,bitingherlip.

“Areyouokay?”

Ifelthernod.

IbrushedherhairbackfromherfaceanddroppedakissonherforeheadasIpushedforwardagain.

Thepressureofherwarmchannelsqueezingmewasalmostunbearable.Ipulledbackandthrustforward

athirdtime,allowingmyselftoslidejustalittledeeperinside.IwatchedAlexa’sexpressionchangeasI

began to fill her. She was beautiful to watch—the little gasps escaping her parted lips, and her pink

flushedcheeks.

WhenIpushedinsidefarther,unabletoholdofffromfeelingthefrictionofourbodiesanylonger,

Alexareleasedasoftcrythatwastingedwithbothpleasureandpain.

“AmIhurtingyou?”

Shesqueezedhereyesclosedandshookherhead.“Justkeepgoing,”sheinstructed.

Godshewassotight,mydickfeltlikeitwasbeingstrangled.“Holyfuck,cupcake,thishastobe

hurtingyou.Tellmeifyouwantmetostop.”

Heronlyresponsewasaseriesoftinywhimpers.Hereyesweresqueezedclosed—inpleasureor

pain,Ididn’tknow.“Justgoslow,okay?”

Asurgetoprotecther,despitethemassivecaseofblueballsawaitingme,swelledinmygut,andI

pulledoutcompletely,sittingbackonthebed.

“Cade?”Shereachedforme.“Why’dyoustop?”

“BecauseIwashurtingyou.”

“So?”Herexpressionwasoneofgenuineconfusion.“Iknewitwouldhurtthefirsttime,butIstill

wantto…”Shetrailedherhandalongmyabs,reachinglower.

Iremovedherhandandpulledherbodyclosetomine.Shecrawledintomylap,wrappingherarms

andlegsaroundmeandIcradledherbodytomine.Sheplantedinsistentkissesalongthecolumnofmy

neckandovermytattoo.

“Fuck,Iwantyou,baby.Areyousureaboutthis?”

“Godyes,”shemoaned.

Ibroughtmyhandtomymouth,applyingsalivatomyfingertipsandreachedbetweenustorubthe

wetnessontheheadofmycock.Alexawasstillsoakingwet,butmaybethiswouldhelpeasemyentrance

justenough.“Comehere,baby.Loweryourselfdownonme.You’llcontrolthepressure.Onlytakewhat

youcanhandle.”Ipositionedmyselfatherentrance,andAlexaimmediatelybeganpushingherselfdown

onme.Ibitbackastringofcursewords.Shegrippedmyshoulders,hernailsbitingintomyskin,and I

cuppedtheglobesofherass,holdinghersteady.

“Cade,”shemoaned,sendingasparkofpleasurethroughmygut,hittingmestraightintheballs.I

wantedtounleash,topoundintohertightpussyagainandagain,butIheldback,holdingmyself steady

whilesheraisedandloweredherselfintinyincrementsassheadjustedtomysize.

OnceIwasfullyburiedinher,shethrewherheadbackandletoutacoarsemoan.Sheopenedher

eyesandmetmine,herpoutymouthcurvingintoamischievousgrin.It felt amazing being buried in her

sweetbody,butIneededhertomoveorIwasgoingtofuckingexplode.

Finallyshebegantorockherhipsagainstmine.“Cade,ohGod.” She kissed me distractedly, her

openmouthsuckingandnippingatmine.Iwasn’tanymorecoordinatedthanshewas,contentforourlips

tobrushasIbreathedagainsthermouthandmumbledendearmentstoherlips.Allmyfocuswascentered

onholdingontohertightlittleasswhilesheplungedupanddownonme.

Sherodemefaster,herchestgrazingmineasshemoved.“Yeah,that’sitsweetheart.Ohfuck,just

likethat,baby.”Knowingmyself-controlwasn’tgoingtolast,Ireachedahandbetweenusandrubbed

the pad of my thumb over her swollen bud, sweeping circles around it. She ground her hips into mine,

cryingoutmyname.

“Areyouclose,baby?”Inippedatherlips,increasingthepressureonherclitandliftingmyhipsto

meetherthrusts,unabletoholdbackanylonger.

“Cade.I’mgoingtocome.”

A rush of pride swelled within me and I held on as she pumped herself up and down my cock,

moaningandwhimperinginasexytumbleofincoherentwords,untilIfeltarushofwetnessasshecame

againstme.Thefrictionofhertightwallsasshesqueezedandspasmedaroundmesentmeovertheedge

andIgroanedoutmyownrelease,spillingmyselfinsideher.

Chapter16

Alexa

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Cade pressed a kiss to my forehead, and a lazy smile crossed my lips,

remembering where I was—warm and cozy in Cade’s bed. I opened my eyes to find his sleepy gaze

inchesfrommine.HisalarmsoundedfromthedresserandCadehoppedoutofbed,stillcompletelynude,

tosilenceit.

Istretchedandrolledover,takingthewarmthofhisvacatedspot.Itsmelledofhim—ahintofspicy

cologne and the rest just his own masculine scent. Him. I was decidedly sore and dressed in one of

Cade’sT-shirtthatIdidn’trecallputtingon.

“Mmm.”Ireachedforhim.“Comeback.”

Cadeturnedtofaceme,hismorningerectiongreetingmeashesatontheedgeofthebednexttome.

Hepressedaquickkisstomymouth.“Lastnightwasamazing,”hemurmured.

Istretchedseductively,pullingtheT-shirtovermyheadanddroppingitonthefloor.“Comebackto

bed.”

His eyes roamed my body, and he grinned at what he saw. He traced a fingertip along my belly,

circlingmyhipbone.“Aren’tyousore,baby?”

“Justalittle.Youmighthavetokissitandmakeitallbetter.”Ismirkedseductively,tryingmybest

attemptatdirtytalk.

“Ibetternot…I’vegottaworktoday.”

Whatdidthathavetodowith…?“Attheconstructionsite?”

Helookeddown,tuckingtheedgeoftheblanketaroundme.“Ah,no.ActuallyIhaveafilmshoot

today.”

Ishotupinbed,tuggingthesheetovermynakedchest,allinhibitionsofthenightbeforegoneatthe

mention of him…working. Especially when said work involved his sleeping with another woman. “I

didn’t think you were still doing that. And especially after last night…” Shit. I was going to cry. Right

here,nakedinhisbedandstillsorefromourlovemaking.Ipulledinabreathtosteadymyself.

“Don’tlookatmelikethat.YouknewwhatIdidthefirstnightwemet.”Cadeslippedintoapairof

jeans,forgoingevenboxers.Ihatedthethoughtthatsomeone other than me would unwrap that package

later.Icouldn’tsharehim.SharinghimwithLilywasonething,a very different thing, but certainly not

somethinglikethis.God,howhadIbeenstupidenoughtothinkthatahavingapornstarforaboyfriend

wasagoodidea?

“Butafterlastnight…”Thingschangedforme.Completely.Butifthemorningafterbeinginsideme

he could go off and do the same thing to another woman without a passing thought, clearly my feelings

weremoreone-sidedthanI’dbelieved.Sexdidn’tholdthesameimportancetohimasitdidtome.AndI

could never be with someone that didn’t understand and appreciate the intimacy we’d shared. Sure I

might’vejokedinthebeginningaboutlosingmyvirginity,butwebothknewbetter.IwasfallingforCade.

Hadfallen.Hard.Andhe’dtakenthegiftofmyvirginitywithoutunderstandingthathenowheldmyheart

inhishands.

“Cade?”

“I’msorry,butI’vegottodothis,cupcake.”

Ithrewthecoversoffandleaptfromthebed.Don’tcupcakeme…

“Alexa…talktome.What’swrong?”

Ispunaround,facinghim.“What’swrong?You’reseriouslyaskingmewhat’s wrong?” I was not

havingthisconversationwhilenaked.Ijerkedonmyclothes,feelingclosetoviolencethatifhesomuch

astriedtolayonefingeronme,I’dannihilatehim.Ifhedidn’tknowwhatwaswrong,therewasnouse

talkingtohimatall.“Sojustlikethat,you’regoingto…gooffanddothattoday?”

Hehunghishead,apparentlyatalossforwords.

“Don’tcallme.”Istompedoutofhisroom,grabbingmypurseandkeysontheway,andtoreoutof

hishousetomywaitingcarasquicklyasIcould.IsaidasilentprayerofthanksforthepickuponmyX5,

thelawbe damned. I’d like to see anyone try to pull me over. I’d castrate a police officer before I let

anyonestandinthewayofmecrawlingintomybed.Throughtear-filledeyes,IdialedMacKenzie.

“’Ello?”shegroanedsleepily.

“Kenzie,Ineedyou.Now.”Isniffed,wipingmycheekswiththebackofmyhand.“AndbringJell-

Oshots.”

Shehesitated,bedspringscreakinginthebackground.“It’sseveninthemorning.”

“Iknow.Butit’sanemergency.”Iwipedthetearsfreelystreamingdownmycheeksandsuckedina

deepbreath.“IsleptwithCadelastnight.Andthingswenttoshitthismorning.”

“Oh,crap.Okay,hanginthere,I’monmyway.”I heard rustling in the background as MacKenzie

sprangintoaction,justlikeIknewshewould.

“Bringvodka,too.”

“Onit.”

Chapter17

Cade

I moved through my morning in a haze, still stunned over the turn of events. How did Alexa not

understandthatwhathadhappenedwithuswasreal,andthatthiswasjustmyjob?Sheobviouslydidn’t

trustmelikeIwouldneedhertoifweweregoingtomakeanythingofus.

Alexahadn’tevengivenmeachancetoexplain,she’djustjumpedtoconclusionsandstormedout

onme.Ihadn’tbotheredtostopher.ThedisgustandjudgmentwrittenalloverherfacetoldmewhatI’d

known deep down all along—I would never be good enough for her. She would never be able to

comprehendthatsometimestherewerethingsinlifethatyoudidn’twanttodo,buthadtodototakecare

of your family. And Lily was my family. I’d do anything for her. Life wasn’t all fucking sunshine and

rainbows.Reallifewashard.Iwasdoingwhatneededtobedone.Period.Shesaidsheunderstoodmy

responsibilitiesregardingcaringforLily,butwhenitcamedowntoit,shebailed.Endofstory.

Aftergetting Lily off to school, I took a lengthy shower, shaved my chest and groin, and then got

dressedandmadesuretostretch.Irecalledfrommypreviousshootthatthreehoursofsexwillmakeyou

soreintheoddestplaces.

WhenIarrivedattheset,themodelIwasgoingtobeworkingwithwasalreadythere,gettingher

hair and makeup done. She certainly didn’t fit the porn-star image. Her looks were the epitome of the

sweetgirlnextdoor.Shehadwavy,shoulder-lengthbrownhair,bigbrowneyesandwasmorecutethan

sexy.

Iwentuptointroducemyself.“Hey,I’mCade,er,ImeanSebastian.”

Shesmiledwarmly.“Hi.I’mJill,butyoucancallmeBritney.”

“Got it. Nice to meet you.” I returned her smile. At least she seemed like she’d be easy to work

with,whichwasnice.Ididn’tneedanymoredramatoday.Sheturnedbacktothemakeupartisttofinish

up,andIwenttofindRick.

Today’sshootwasrelativelystraightforward.We’dstartintheopulentmasterbathroom,whereI’d

findBritneytakingabubblebath,andafterspendingafewminuteskissingandhelpingtowashher,I’d

liftherfromthetubandcarryherintothebedroomwherewe’dfinishoutthescene.

OnceIknewthesetup,Igotrubbeddownwithbronzer,andthenwaitedformycuefromRick.Once

BritneywasrelaxingintheJacuzzitub,Isaunteredin,barefoot,dressedinjustapairofjeans.Weshared

a few tender kisses, and I rubbed her shoulders and neck, before moving on to her breasts. Then they

capturedashotofmehelpingherfromthetubbeforecallingcut.

Wepickedthingsupagainoncewewereonthebed,andIwassoonburieddeepinsideBritney.But

onceinsideher,Icouldn’tescapemythoughtsaboutthepreviousnightwith Alexa. She was so soft, so

trusting that I wouldn’t hurt her. Being with Britney was the complete opposite. She thrust her hips to

matchmystridesandbeggedmetofuckherfaster.Adeep,naggingfeelingboiledup,urgingmeonandI

relented,drivingintoherhardandfast,chasingrelieffromthefireraginginsideme.

RealizingI didn’t have to be careful with Britney, I didn’t hold back. I plowed into her until she

stopped asking for it harder and started a litany of tiny whimpers. The sound of Britney’s whimpers

remindedmeofAlexa.AndholdingtheimageofAlexa’sfaceinmymind,Ifinished.Butevenwithmy

release,reliefdidn’tcome.

*****

Ianarrivedjustasthegameasabouttostart.

Hescannedmycoffeetableandgesturedtothesix-packofbeerandtakeoutpizzaboxwithafrown.

“Heyman,wherearethewings?”

Ishookmyhead.“Notinthemood.”ItwouldremindmetoomuchofAlexa.Damn,watchingher

sweetmouthtearthemeatofftheboneandherpinktonguedartingouttocatchadripofbarbequesauce…

no,therewouldbenowingstonight.

Hesanktothecouch,grabbingabeer.

“Haveyoubeenworkingmuch?”Webothknewhewasn’taskingaboutconstruction.We typically

keptadon’task,don’ttellpolicywhenitcametomedabblinginporn,butI’dletitslipthatAlexahad

leftmeoverit,andthatwaswhyI’dbeensomiserable.

“Nope.IpaidoffthebillsIneededto,andnowI’mkeepingmyselfoutofallthatshit.”

Henodded,sippinghisbeer.“AndAlexa?”

Ipulledmymouthintoatightlineandshookmyhead.

“Still?Damnyou’restubborn.”

I drained my bottle and reached for a fresh beer, keeping my eyes glued to the play. “How am I

stubborn?”

“Because you’re telling me you’re not doing porn anymore…and the reason Alexa left you was

becauseyouweredoingporn…”

“Yeah,Iguessso,”Igrowled,pickingatthelabelonmybottle.

“Anddoyounotseehowstupidthatlogicis?”Ianshookhishead.“Goafterher,bro.Quitbeinga

fuckingpussy.”

“Dropit,man.Itwouldneverworkbetweenusanyways.”Wouldit?

Chapter18

Alexa

MacKenzieandI were sitting in my living room with two wine glasses on the coffee table and a

bottleofMerlotbetweenus.Ithadbeenalongweek.IwokeeachmorningwiththoughtsofCadeandLily

swirlinginmyheadandwenttobedeachnightwithtearsinmyeyes.Imissedthembothfiercely,though

I’dneveradmitthattoCade.Whathe’ddonewasunforgiveable.He’dstrungmealong,pretendingtobe

thisamazingguy—hemetmyparentsforheaven’ssake—butworstofall,he’dcapturedmyheart.Itwas

exactlywhatMacKenziehadwarnedmeabout.ThankGodtherewasnoItoldyouso.Shejustlistened

whenIneededtovent,andkeptquietwhenIdidn’twanttotalk,andshe’dcomeovereverynightthispast

weektodistractme.

After a few glasses of wine MacKenzie had begun trying to pump me for information about how

Cadewasinbed.

Iwasn’tgivinganythingaway.

She took another sip of her wine, cocking a hand on her hip. “Hell, I could be seven months

pregnantwithanotherman’sbabyandI’dstillwantapieceofhim.”

“Nothelping.”Ifrownedather.

She held up her hands. “Sorry, but that’s the truth. Listen, sweetie, you had your fun. Maybe just

chalkituptogettingsomeexperienceunderyourbelt,andlettherestgo.”

Whatshedidn’tunderstandwasthatitwasn’tthateasy.Itwasn’tjustCadethathadstolenmyheart,

itwassweetLilytoo.Theywereapackagedealinmymind.

Iheardaknockatthedoor,andthenthekeyturning.IthadtobeTysonlettinghimselfin.

MacKenzieperkedupatthesound.“Youbetterhavepizza!”shecalled.

Webothgiggled.We’dcalledhimthirtyminutesagobegginghimtobringusapizza.Extracheese,

extrapepperoni.

Tysonenteredthelivingroom,apizzaboxbalancedonhishand.“Myladies.”Heplaceditonthe

coffeetablebetweenus.

“Ty,youarethebest,”Isaid,reachingtowardhimforaone-armedhug.

“No problem. I’ll go get some plates and napkins.” He headed into the kitchen while MacKenzie

andIopenedthelidandinhaledtheamazingaromaemanatingfromthebox.Iwasgladtoseetherewasn’t

anylingeringawkwardnessbetweenTyandI.IknewhewasstillpissedovermylittleflingwithCade,

butfornow,hewasbeingcivilaboutit.

“Getyourselfaglass,”IcalledintoTy.

“Andbringanotherbottleofwine!”MacKenzieadded.

Withoutwaitingfortheplates,MacKenzieandIeachgrabbedaslice.

Afterfinishingoffthelargepizzaandthreebottlesofwinewedecidedtocallitanight. I walked

themtothedoorandgrabbedformywallettopayTybackforthepizza.IhandedTyafewbillsbefore

huggingthembothgoodnight.

WhenIreturnedmywallettomypurse,myhandbumpedsomethingcoolandfirm.Whatthe—?

IpulledtheblackbottlefrommypurseandIheldituptoinspect.“TheGuardian?”Ireadtheside.

“Whatthehellisthis?”

Itappearedtobepepperspray.Whereintheworld…?Ohmygosh.Cade.He’dstuffedsomething

intomypursethatnight,sayinghe’dgottenmeagift.I’dforgottenallaboutit.

Isettheoffendingobjectonmykitchenislandandpacedtheroom.Whydidhegetmethat?Why

didhetrytoactlikehecaredwhenhesoobviouslydidn’t?

Withoutwaitingforlogictosetin,Igrabbedmycellphoneanddialedhisnumber.It’dbeenovera

weeksincetheincident,butmynewfoundliquidcouragehadprovidedthefuelneededtomakethecall.

Despitethelatehour,heansweredonthefirstring.

“Whatthehelldoyouthinkyou’redoing?”

Hislowchucklewashedoverme,makingmyinsidestremble.“Areyoudrunk,cupcake?”

Oh,soIwascupcakeagain?“No!”Yes.

“Thenyou’regoingtohavetoexplainwhatthehellyou’rereferringto.I’matalosshere,doll.”

Heneededtocutthesweetnicknamesout.Rightfuckingnow.“Thissprayyousnuckinmypurse.”

“It’s just mace. I didn’t want to worry about you alone and helpless on your own. Consider it a

gift.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “Well for your information, I already have mace. My dad gave me a

canisterofitafewyearsago.It’ssomewhereinmykitchen.AndI’mnotalone.I’vestartedseeingPeter

again.”OratleastIwould,whenIreturnedhisphonecall.

Cadehesitatedamoment,thesilenceerectingawallbetweenus.“Thatwasfast.Goodforyou.But

your mace isn’t going to be much of a help stuck inside some drawer and if it’s a few years old, it’s

probably expired. Besides, the one I got you is the best one on the market. Keep it in your purse,

cupcake.”

I rolled my eyes and jammed the canister back inside my purse. Bringing up Peter’s name didn’t

havequitetheresponseI’dhopedfor.“I’vegottago.”IhitEndonmycell,butnotbeforeIheardhisrich

chucklevibratethroughthespeaker.Bastard.

Iburiedmyfaceinmyhands,fightingbacktears.God,gettingoverCadewasgoingtobesomuch

harderthanIeverimagined.

Thenextmorning,apoundingheadacheandtheacheofhearinghisvoiceweremyonlyreminders

oflastnight’sactivities.I’dbeenstupidtocallhim,butitobviouslydidn’tchangeanythingbetweenus.

Thenagain,whathadIexpectedtohappen?Forhimtobegformetocomeback?Notlikely.Butnowthat

Ihadopenedupcontact,Icouldn’tgetmymindoffCadenomatterwhatItried.Alongjogaroundmy

neighborhood with music blasting loud enough to jar all thoughts from my skull followed by a long hot

shower,andthentreatingmyselftomyfavoritesushiplaceforlunch.Noneofitworked.WhenIgothome

frommylunchdateforone,IwasevenmoredownthanIwasbefore.Maybetherewouldalwaysbesome

strangeconnectiontoCadeIwouldalwaysfeelbecausehewasthefirstguyIreallycaredabout,andthe

guyIgavemyvirginityto.MaybeI’djustneedtogetusedtolivingwiththeever-presentachyfeelingin

mychest.God,whatadepressingthought.

IpickedupmyphoneandcalledPeter,reluctantlyagreeingtoanotherdatejusttogetmymindoff

Cade,andthenfloppedbackagainstmycouch.

Mylaptopsittingnexttomegavemeanidea.Avery,verybadidea.

IclickedalinktitledSebastianandBritney.AsIwaitedforthevideotoload,butterfliestookflight

insidemystomach.

The girl was pretty. She looked sweet and normal. I watched Cade’s latest video—the one he’d

probably made after waking up in bed with me—with tears streaming down my cheeks. What he did

wasn’tasimplescrewup.ItwasanunforgiveablemistakethatwasontheInternetforeveryoneandtheir

brothertosee.Andtherecouldbenodenyingitwashim,especiallywithsuchauniquetattoocrawlingup

hisshoulder.

Iwatchedinhorrorasheplacedherinthecenterofthebedandbegankissingher.Whenhemoved

betweenherthighstotasteher,mystomachknottedandIforcedmyeyesclosed.Iknewitwasabadidea

towatchthis,toseeitwithmyowneyes,knowingitwouldlikelybeburnedintomybrainforever,but

somehowIcouldn’tstop.Ifastforwardedthevideountiltheywerefullyintertwined,needingtoseeifhis

love-makingwithherwasanythinglikeitwaswithme.

WhatIsawmademyjawhitthefloor.Hisstrokesintoherwerehardandfast.He’dbeenholding

part of himself back with me, that much was clear. I couldn’t believe that at one time watching Cade’s

videohadturnedmeon—nowitjustpissedmeoff.Theclose-upofhimslidinginandoutofheralmost

mademevomit.Islammedmylaptopclosedandranfromtheroom.Icollapsedinaheapinthecenterof

my bed and sobbed, hugging a pillow to my chest, begging the pain to go away. But all I saw when I

closedmyeyeswasCade’slustfulexpressionashedroveintoher.

*****

“Oh,hellno.Iwillcutabitch.”MacKenziesaunteredacrossthebartowhereagroupofgirlswere

climbingontothebarstoolswe’dbeenwaitingtwentyminutestooccupy.

“It’s fine, Kenz.” I gripped her elbow, pulling her back from the scene she was about to create.

“We’llfindanothertable.”Orwecouldjustgohome.Afterthesecondweekofmymoping,MacKenzie

andTydecidedtohostanintervention.Itbeganwithsomepre-drinksatmyapartment,andhadmovedon

tosomecrowdedbar.

“No.Weneedtofindatablenearthepooltables.”

I had no idea what was up with her insistence—none of us played pool. “Those people are

leaving.”Ipointedacrosstheroom.

“Sweet!”MacKenziepracticallysprinted,elbowingpeopleoutofherwayasshecrossedtheroom.

Jeez.Ididn’tknowwhathadgottenintoher,butTysonandIdutifullyfollowed.Iclimbeduponthe

stoolandplacedmypurseonthetabletop.Itfeltgoodtogivemyfeetabreak.WhyI’ddecidedtowear

heelstonightwasbeyondme,especiallywhenallIfeltlikedoingwaslyinginbedinmypajamas.After

orderinganotherroundofdrinks,Tysonletoutagroan.

“Whatnow?”Iturnedinthedirectionhewaslooking,buthishandsgrippedeithersideofmyface,

stoppingme.

“No,Lex.Don’tlook.”

Whatintheworld?

IremovedhishandsfrommyfaceandspuninthedirectionheandMacKenziewerebothstaring.

Oh.

Cadewashere.

Amixofemotionsrushedthroughmeatthesightofhim—everythingfromanger,toresentment,to

desire.Damntraitorousbody.

Cade and a male friend were racking a set of balls in the center of one of the pool tables and

keepingupaneasybanterbetweenthem.

Ihatedthathispresencealonehadthepowerstopmybreathingandsendmyheartlurchinginmy

chest,likemybodyknewweweresharingthesameoxygenandwasrebellingagainsttheidea.

Cadewaslaughing,butwhenhelookedupandcaughtmyeyeshissmilefell.Iwonderedifhe’d

come over and talk to me, and then wondered how I would feel if he didn’t. He said something to his

friend,whosegazecuttomine.Hecrackedtheslightestsmile,asifinunderstanding,andshovedCadein

mydirection.Refusingtobudge,Caderemainedplantednearthepooltable,hiseyeslookinganywhere

butatme.

MacKenzie, smiling confidently, straightened in her chair. “Now everyone, let’s not freak out. So

Cade’shere.Hehappenstobeatthesamebarasus.It’snobigdeal.”

“You little sneak! You didn’t!” MacKenzie’s utter lack of surprise at seeing Cade tipped me off.

She’dsetthisup.

Tysonglancedanxiouslybetweenus,unawareofwhathehadmissed.

“Itwasn’tyourplacetointerfere.God,didyoutellhimIwantedtoseehim?”Iburiedmyfacein

myhands.

MacKenzieleanedcloser,placingherhandonmyarm.“Ofcoursenot.Listen,youneedtomanup.I

justtoldhimwe’dbeheretonight,andifhewantedtoseeyou,ifhestillhadanyfeelingsforyouatall,he

shouldshowuparoundnineinthebilliardsroom.”

“Youidiot,Kenz.Itdoesn’tworkthisway.Ineedmydistance…”Hell,Ineededtoneverthinkof

himagain,notthatthatwasworking.

Typattedmyback.IknewthiswasallMacKenzie’sdoing,soIcouldn’tbemadathim.“Fine.He’s

here.ThenI’mleaving.”Igrabbedformypurse.

“No,Lex.Ifyouleave,it’llbelikeannouncingthatyoucan’thandlebeingaroundhim.”

“Ican’t.That’sthepoint.”

Shegavemyhandasqueeze.“Hedoesn’tneedtoknowthat.Don’tlethimdriveyouaway.Don’t

lethimwin.You’restrongerthanthat.”

Isighedandsetmypursebackdown.“Fine.ThenI’mgettingintoxicated.”

“NowthatIcanworkwith.”MacKenziesmiledandsignaledthewaitressforaroundofshotstogo

withourotherdrinks.

After several rounds of drinks and watching Cade from the corner of my eye, I noticed he was

approachingourtable.

Ohcrap.Actnormal,actnormal!

Tyfixedahandonmyforearm.“Don’t,Lex.Notagain,notwithhim.”Hiseyespleadedwithme.

Cadesaunteredup,offeredafriendlynodtoMacKenzie,narrowedhiseyes at Tyson, then turned

hisgazeonme.

“Maybeweshouldgiveyouguysaminutetotalk,”MacKenziesqueaked,risingfromherbarstool

andshootingTyalet’sgolook.“I’llgokeepyoursexyfriendcompany.”Sheglancedinthedirectionof

Cade’sdark-haired,muscular-as-hellfriendstandingaloneatthepooltable,drinkingabeer.“What’shis

name?”

“Ian,”Cadeanswered,hiseyesnotwaveringfrommine.Oncemyfriendshadallbutdesertedme,

Cademovedinastepcloser.“Howhaveyoubeen?”Hescrubbedahandoverthebackofhisneck.

Thatwasadumbquestion.ButIwasn’tabouttoadmithowI’dfallenapartoveroursplit. “Fine.

You?”

His eyes narrowed, searching mine. I knew he could see right through my hollow answers, but I

didn’tcare.Iwouldn’tgivehimthesatisfactionoflettinghimknowhowmuchImissedhim.“I’vebeen

better,”headmitted.

Ishookmyhead,surprisingmyselfbylaughing.Thegigglebubbledupfrommythroatandescaped,

despitemyintentionstoplaythingscool.“You’reapieceofwork,youknowthat?Sexmeanssomething

tome.Itmightnottoyou,but…”Iwavedhimaway.“Justleavemealone.Idon’twanttotalktoyou.”

He caught my wrist and held it. “Let me explain something to you, cupcake.” He’d never

pronouncedmynicknamewithsuchvenom,andIhatedtoadmitthatitstung.Heleanedinclosertomy

face,justinchesawayfromme.“Sexformoneyhasnoemotion.It’slikebeingatwork—it’shard,you’re

tired,sweaty,youjustwanttofinish,butyoucan’t.Youhavetokeepfakingthewholefuckingactuntil

some asswipe director tells you to come. On command. You try doing that with lighting techs shining

brightlightsinyourface,andasoundguywithbeerbellyholdingamicrophoneoveryouwhilesportinga

fuckingerection—it’snotallthatmuchfun.Believeme.I’msureasshitnotproudofit.ButyouknowI’d

doanythingforthatlittlegirl.”

“Lily?WhatdoesthathavetodowithLily?Ifyou’retwistedenoughturnthisintosomechivalrous

acttoprotectyourlittlesister,you’remorederangedthanIthought.”Hestillhadmywristinhisgrip,and

I pulled it away from him. “Let me go,” I ground out through gritted teeth. I slid from my stool and

escapedtothebathroom.

Chapter19

Cade

Damn,justthesightofherandmyresolvewasweakening.Iwastwosecondsawayfromdragging

heroffcaveman-styletomakehertellmewhatwasonhermindwhenshecutoutonme.

Alexa’sgenuinesurpriseatseeingmetoldmethatMacKenziehadlied.Dammit.Icouldn’tbelieve

I’d fallen for that shit about Alexa being miserable without me. She didn’t look miserable, she looked

gorgeous.Somuchsoitwaslikeakicktothegut,rippingtheairformmylungs.Buthearingthebitterness

inherwords,seeingtheglaringangerinhereyeswaslikeastarkwarningtostaythefuckawayfromher.

ToobadIcouldn’t.

HerabsenceleftanachingholeinmeandIwasn’tafraidtoadmitit.NowifIcouldjustthinkofa

waytoconvinceherthatIworthhertime.Butgettinghertotrustmeagain?Thedeathglaresheshotmein

thebartoldmeIwasgoingtohaveanuphillbattle.Butshewasworthit.Shewaseverything.Damn,I

soundedlikesomelovesickfool.

AsIwatchedherdisappearintotherestroom,mymindbrieflyregisteredthatherjeanswerelow

enoughtoexposeatonedstripoflowerback,andthefabrichugged the curves of her ass. Hell, lesser

menwouldhavebuckledbynow.

I stalked off to the restroom after her.I reminded myself that she’d been the one to storm off that

morning—IdoubtedanythingIcouldhavesaidwouldhavemadeadifference,buttonightshewasrunning

againandIhadtotry.

Ipushedopenthedoortotheladies’roomtofinditempty.ButIcouldhearsoftsobscomingfrom

thestallattheendoftherow.

“Lexa?”Itappedsoftlyonthedoor.“Canwestartover?Talkaboutthatmorningyouleft?”

Shesniffed.“There’snothingtotalkabout,Cade.Thedamageisdone.”

Myshoulderssagged.Couldthisthingbetweenusreallybedamagedbeyondrepair?God,Ihoped

not.

Agroupofgirlspushedtheirwayinsidetherestroom,gigglingandchattering.“Hey,youcan’tbein

here,”oneofthemcalled.“Youhavetwosecondstogetout.”

IknockedonAlexa’sdoormoreinsistently.“Comeon,letmein.”

Silence.

“Cupcake?”Ipled,myvoicesoftening.

Thelockturned.Ididn’twaitforhertoopenthedoor.Ipusheditasideandwassuddenlyface-to-

facewithherinthetinystall.Thedarkcirclesbeneathhereyestoldmeshemightnotbefaringaswellas

she was letting on. I traced a single fingertip over the hollow under her eye. “You sure you’ve been

okay?”

Sheswallowed,stiffeningundermytouch.“Ican’tdothisagain,I’msorry.”

“Iamtoo.”Icuppedherjaw,leaningclosertoplaceasoftkissagainsthermouth.

Sheletoutatinywhimper,andapulseofdesireshotstraightdownmyspine.God,whydidIhave

to fuck up with her? She was perfect. She hadn’t yet pushed me away so I leaned in again and met her

mouth,thistimepartingherlipstotasteher.Mytonguesoughthersout,notsatisfieduntilshereturnedmy

kiss.Shemighthavebeenmadatme,butherbodystillrespondedlikeIremembered—sensualandneedy.

Fuck,Iwasalreadyhard.Ipushedmyhipsintohers,pinningheragainstthewallandbrushedmyerection

upagainstherbelly.

Shebroughtherhandstomychestandpushedmeback.“Ican’t.”Hervoicewasweak,buthereyes

weredetermined.

I wanted to push her, and knew I probably could. But she’d probably hate me even more in the

morningifIdidthat.“WhatcanIdo?”Iasked.

“There’snothingyoucando.”Shesteppedaroundmeandleftthestall,leavingmerockhardand

sorelydisappointedatthesightofherwalkingawayfrommeyetagain.

*****

Why my bed suddenly felt so cold and empty without Alexa was beyond me. I normally had no

troublesleeping,typicallyfallingexhaustedintobedeachnightandsleepingsoundlyuntilmorning.NowI

lay in bed, watching the blades of my ceiling fan turn, wondering if I’d done the right thing letting her

walkaway.Ididn’tknowifshewouldhavelistenedifI’dtriedtostopher.Andhell,puttingmyselfinher

shoes,Iwouldnotbeokaywithhershootingporn.

Since Alexa had been gone, food had lost its flavor. Days blended into weeks. And it felt like I

couldn’tdoasinglethingrightwhenitcametoLilyanymore.Ihadnoideawhatwassodifficultabout

makingmeatballs,butLilymadesuretopointoutIwasdoingitwrong—thatthiswasn’thowLexadidit

—withthat,andwithotherthingstoo.

My one attempt at letting Alexa know I was still thinking of her was met with silence. The idea

struck me when I’d passed by that bakery she and Lily liked. I’dbought a single white cupcake topped

withathicklayerofpinkfrostingandI’dhaditgiftwrappedanddeliveredtoher.Thecardhadsimply

readImissyou,cupcake.

My house felt empty and cold without her in it. Lily noticed it too, I know she did, but we both

forgedon,despitethecrushingweightofAlexa’sloss.Ialternatedmytimebetweenworkandthegym,

needinganescapefrommyownhouseafterLilywenttobed.ThememoriesofsittingwithAlexaafter

putting Lily to bed were too much. I could barely look at my damn couch without remembering all the

naughtythingsI’ddonetoherinthatveryspot.

Themindlessactivityofpushingmymusclestothelimitdispelled the swirling thoughts of her, if

onlyforalittlewhile.AssoonasIwasaloneinthequietshoweraftermyworkout,shewasrightback

therewithmeinmymind.Thesweetscentofher,herbigblueeyes,hermischievouscrookedsmile.My

cupcake.

Iletthehardsprayofwaterbeatdownmyback,andgrabbedthebarofsoap.Iwashedmy chest,

under my arms, and my stomach, before my hands trailed lower. With thoughts of Alexa occupying my

brain,mycockjumpedtolife.Don’tdoit,man,Iwarned.Ididn’twanttojerkmyselfofftothememory

ofherslippingdownonherkneesandflickingherwickedlittletongueouttotastemebeforesuckingme

deepintothecavernofherwarmmouth.Thememorywastoomuch.ButIcouldn’thelpit.Ipicturedher

sweetface,thatfullmouthandthewayshewhimperedwheneverIutteredadirtyendearmenttoher.My

soapyhandfoundmyshaftandbeganpumping.Hardandfast,needingreleasefromthehauntingmemories

of her. I leaned one hand against the shower wall, the spray of water pounding against my spine, and

closedmyeyes.“Lex,”Iwhisperedasthehotjetseruptedfrommeandfelltothetiledfloor.

Chapter20

Alexa

The fall passed by quickly and by the first snowfall in December, my heart had begun to heal,

thoughIknewI’dneverforgetCade.OrLily,forthatmatter.Istillmissedthembothterribly,butmypride

wouldn’t let me contact him. He’d made his choice. In some aspects, it was the same pattern as how I

grewup.Mydadchoseworkovermeandmymomtoomanytimestocount.OnlywithCade’sjob,the

betrayalwasthatmuchmoredevastating.

Overthepastfewweeks,I’dsomehowfallenintotheroutineofactivelydatingPeter.Maybeitwas

becausehewaseasytobearoundandalleviatedthefeelingofbeingalone,ormaybebecauseitmademy

mother so ridiculously happy, but whatever the reason, I was now going out with him several times a

week.He’dtakenmehorsebackridingandoutforcasualbrunchesandfancierdinners.He’devencome

toaSundaydinnerattheclubatmymother’sinsistence.

IspenttheChristmasholidayinAspenwithmyparents,skiing,eatingtoomuchandvisitingthespa.

Itwasaniceholiday,butofcourse,eventhere—halfwayacrossthecountry—Icouldn’tkeepmythoughts

fromCadeandLily.Especiallyafterhesentmeacupcakealongwithanotethatstatedhemissedmeonly

afewdaysbeforeIleft.IspentthefirstseveraldaysinAspengluedtomycellphone,surehewasgoing

to call. But the call never came. Perhaps the holidays and first snowfall of the year had made him

sentimental,thatwasall.YetIfoundmyselflyinginbedawakeatnight,wonderingifIshouldhavesent

LilyagiftforChristmas,orifCadecookedthemChristmasdinner.Forsomereason,itdepressedme to

thinkofthetwoofthemsittingaroundhissmallkitchentablewithamealofscrambledeggsandchicken

wings.Iwonderediftheylikedlobster,whichwaswhatmyparentsandIhad.Itdidn’tmatter.Ineededto

getthemoutofmyhead.WhenIreturnedfromAspen,Iwouldthrowmyselfbackintomyregularroutine,

includingseeingPeteragain.

*****

MyfirstSaturdaybackfromAspen,PeterhadarrangedforustoseeamatineeperformanceofThe

Nutcrackerandwasdueanyminutetopickmeup.

I dressed in a merlot-colored sweater dress, heather-gray tights and my brown knee-high boots,

leaving my hair down around my shoulders. I watched from the front window for Peter’s car. I usually

joggedouttomeethimatthecurb,sinceIpreferrednottohavehimaloneinmyapartment.ThoughIliked

spendingtimewithhim,Iwasn’treadytogoanywherenearthephysicalsideofthingsagain,withhimor

anyone. But so far, Peter had been very patient, settling for quick goodnight pecks in his car when he

droppedmeoff.

IslidintohisLexus,andheleanedacrosstheconsoleandgavemycheekaquickkiss.“Youlook

nice.HowwasAspen?”

“Itwasnice.Lotsoftimeontheslopeswithmydadandlotsofspatimewithmymom.”Ileftitat

that.ItfeltalittlestrangetotalktoPeteraboutmyparentssinceheworkedformydad,buthedidn’tpress

fordetails.Hewasdressedinachunkyknitsweater,andIcouldn’thelpbutsnicker.Itwasn’tthekindof

thingaman would pick out and had to be a Christmas gift from his mom. I settled back in my seat and

triedtorelax,tojustenjoythedayforwhatitwas.Istillhadn’tgottenusedtohiscar’snew-carsmell.It

overwhelmedmysenses,likehewaspumpingitinthroughthevents.

Wedroveinsilencetowardthetheatre,andIfoundmyselfyawning.Thesleeplessnightsover the

pastfewweekshadcaughtupwithme.“Doyoumindifwestopforacoffeebeforetheshow?”

Heglancedattheclockonhisdash.“Ifwemakeitquick,itshouldbefine.”

Afewminuteslater,Ipointedoutthegreensignofthecoffeechaincomingupatthenextexit.

Peterpulledoffthehighwayandintotheparkinglot,navigatingtothedrive-thrulane,whichwas

backedupbyatrafficjamofcoffeeseekers.

Icountedthecarsaheadofus.Seven.“Shoot.”

Peterslidthegearshiftintoparkandletoutasigh.

Islippedoffmyseatbelt.“I’lljustruninside.It’llbefaster.”

“Alexa,we’realreadyinline.”Heglancedintherearviewmirror.“AndnowI’mblockedin.”

“Don’tworry,it’llbelikearace.YouwaithereandI’llgoinside.”

“Arace,huh?”Hegrinned.

Inodded,andhoppedoutofthecar.“Yes.AndI’llwin.Berightback.”

Once inside, I noticed there were only two people ahead of me at the counter. Piece of cake. I

contemplatedmyorder,rememberingthatPeterlikedhotchocolatewithwhippedcream,whenthesound

ofrich,malelaughtermetmyearsfromacrosstheroom.Therewassomethingstrikinglyfamiliaraboutit

andpanicroseinmystomach.IreluctantlyturnedandspottedCadeseatedatasmallroundtableacross

fromawoman.

IwishedIcouldhide,thatthefloorwouldopenandswallowmewhole,butofcoursethatdidn’t

happen. He hadn’t yet noticed me. There was still a chance I could get away without being seen, but I

couldn’t resist one more glance. Cade was exactly as I remembered, all hard muscle and masculine

features,ashadowofbeardgrowthdustinghisjaw.Heleanedforward,restinghiselbowsonthetable,

listeningintentlytothewoman.Icouldonlyseeherprofile,butshelookedfamiliarandmymindworked

toplaceher.Wassheoneofthebabysittersheused?Somethingabouttheauburnhairhangingdownher

backhadmymindworkingovertime.Itdidn’tmatter.Ineededtogetoutofhere.

Itookastepbackandknockedrightintoatowerofreindeermugs,rattlingthedisplay.

Cade chose that exact moment to look up. His eyes settled on mine and a line creased his brow.

“Alexa?”HewasonhisfeetandheadingtowardmebeforeIcouldevencontemplateescaping.“Whatare

youdoinghere?”

“Cade,”Imumbledincoherently,meetinghisconcernedgaze.

“Yeah.It’sCade.”Hepressedapalmtomycheek.“Youokay?Youlookalittleflushed.”

Myeyesdartedbackacrosstheroomtotheredheadathistable.Shehadturnedtowatchus,andher

seeing her full on, I instantly knew who she was. My knees trembled and a wave of nausea crashed

throughme.Cadewasonadatewiththegirlfromhisfirstfilmshoot.DesireeIthink.Iremindedmyself

tobreathe,butlittlegooditdidme.Myheadwasswimmingwiththisdiscovery.Wasshethereasonhe

chosehisworkoverme?Howlonghadtheybeenseeingeachotheroutsideofwork?

Cade glanced back at the woman, and bit out a clipped apology. “Sorry. Let me introduce you to

Sara.”Hemotionedherover.

Sara?IsupposedDesireewasherstagename.

When she rose from the table, her hand moved to cradle her swollen round belly and realization

struck.Shewasseveralmonthspregnant.Mylegswentoutfromunderme.

WhenIcameto,Iwaslyingonthefloor.Cadewasholdingmyheadinhislap,sweepinghisfingers

acrossmyforehead.Myhazyeyesmethisconcernedones.

“Cupcake?”heasked.

Imovedtositup,buthislargehandsonmyshouldersheldmeinplace.“Stayput.Youtookquitea

spill.YouhityourheadonthefloorbeforeIcouldcatchyou.”Herubbedthebackofmyhead,massaging

theswollenlumpbeneathmyhair.

“Ouch.”Iwincedatthecontact.

“That’swhatIthought.”

When I remembered what had sent me crashing to the floor in the first place—seeing Sara’s

pregnantbelly—asobbrokefreefromthebackofmythroatandIstruggledtofreemyselffromCade’s

grasp.Ididn’twanthimholdingme,tryingtocomfortmerightnow.Nottomention,IcouldseethatIwas

causingquitethecommotioninthecoffeeshop,sprawledoutacrossthefloorthewayIwas.Cadewaved

awayabaristawhowasheadedinourdirection,herexpressiononeofconcern.“I’vegother.”

“Cade,letmeup.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but the determination in my eyes had to have convinced him. He

helpedmeup fromthefloor andsatme downina leather chair in front of the fireplace. I wiped fresh

tearsfrombothcheeks,buttheeffortwasfutile.Thetearsrefusedtostop.

Sarawashoveringbyhisside,andIheardCadeaskhertogogetsometissuesforme.Shescurried

offfortherestrooms.

Petercamestrollingintothecoffeeshop.“Alexa,comeon,we’regoingtobela—”Hestoppedin

frontme,lookingdownatmytear-streakedface.“Alexa?”

Shit. I’d completely forgotten about Peter. I took the tissues from Sara and pressed them to my

cheeks.Somuchforputtingonmascaratoday.Cadekneltdownbesidemychair,takingthetissuesfrom

metohelpmopupthetears.

“Alexa…?What’swrong?Andwhoisthisguy?”Peterasked.

“I’msorry,Peter,”Imanaged.“ThisisCade.”

Peter’seyeswenttoCade’skneelingformandalookofdisbeliefovertookhisface.“Thisguy?”

Peterdidn’tknowmuchaboutCade,justthathewastheguyI’dbeenseeingbeforehim,andthathe

wasthereasonIdidn’twantanythingtodowitharelationshiprightnowbecauseoftherockywaythings

hadendedbetweenus.IcouldseePeter’ssurprisethatI’ddatedaguylikeCadeatall—scruffy, worn

jeans,workbootsandafittedlong-sleevepulloverthatemphasizedhisover-muscledchestmadehimthe

polaroppositeofPeter’sgelledhair,tweedblazersandItalian-leatherloafers.Iblewmynose,knowingI

lookedlikeamessandlongpastcaring.IfeltlikeI’dbeenhitbyatrain.

CadelookedbetweenPeterandI.“I’mtakingherhome,”heinformedusboth.

Isqueakedoutaprotest,andPetertookastepcloser.ButCaderosetohisfeet,toweringoverus

both.HeturnedtoSara,placedahandonherbelly,andleanedintowardhertowhispersomethinginher

ear.

Apainstabbedatmychest.

Peterplacedhishandonmyshoulder,butturnedtoaddressCade.“You’renottakingheranywhere.

Firstofall,we’reonadate.Secondofall,I’mprettysureyou’rethereasonshe’scryingrightnow.”

Sara kissed Cade’s cheek and headed for the door. I didn’t blame her for disappearing. That

soundedprettyappealingrightaboutnow.

“Wedon’thavetogo,Peter.”ThelastthingIwantedtodoatthisverymomentwaswatchaballet

thatincludedasweetlittlelovestory.

“I,ah,didn’ttellyoubefore,Alexa,butIgottheseticketsfrommyuncle.We’rejoininghimandhis

wifeattheplay.”

He’dtrickedmeintosomeweirdfamilyget-together?TherewasnowayIwasmeetinghisauntand

unclerightnow—orever.

“Ijustwanttogohome,”Imurmured.

Theybothlookeddownatme.

“I’mtakingherhome,”Caderepeated.

Petersighed.“Fine.I’vegottogoorI’mgoingtobelate.Areyousureyou’reokaywithhimtaking

youhome?”

Itwasn’tlikeIhadmuchofachoice—Peterwaspracticallystrandingme,milesawayfromhome.

“It’sfine.Justgo,Peter.”

Heleaneddownandkissedthetopofmyhead.“I’llcallyoulater.”

Don’tbother,Iutteredtomyself.

I’dneverbeeninsideCade’struckbefore.Thecabwasinneedofagoodcleaning,andtherewere

waterbottleslitteringthefloorandaCinderellacoloringbookontheseatbetweenus.Itsmelledlikea

mixofhissubtlecologneandthespicyscentofamanafterahardday’swork.

Hedidn’tsayanythingaswedrove.Hejuststaredstraightaheadandrestedonehandontopofthe

wheel.

Whenhepulledintomycondocomplex,IrealizedIhadn’tprovidedmyaddress,norhadheasked

fordirections.Heparkednexttomycarandturnedofftheignition.

Wesatinsilenceforafewmoments.Thankfully,mysobshadquietedintolittlehiccups.“Thanks

forbringingmehome.”Ipushedagainstthetruckdoor,andclimbeddowncarefully,realizingtheground

wasfartherawaythanIthought.

Hemetmeatthesideofthetruckandtookmyhand,stoppingme.“Wait.Letmeexplain.”

I don’t know what possessed me, whether it was the closure I was craving, or my own morbid

curiosity about his expectant girlfriend, but I nodded. I wrapped my arms around my middle, bracing

myselfforhisexplanation.

“Nothere.Invitemeinside,Lex.”

I nodded my consent and led him inside. I tossed my purse and keys onto the entryway table and

made my way to the couch, not knowing how much longer my shaky legs would hold my weight. I

collapsedandimmediatelycurledmyselfintoaball.IexpectedCadetoberightbehindme,butstrangely,

Iheardhimrummagingaroundinsidemykitchen.

I lifted my head and watched him walk toward me carrying a glass of orange juice, a box of

Kleenexandabottleofpainreliever.Heheldouttheglassofjuiceformewhileheopenedthebottleof

pills.OnlyonceIhadswallowedadosedidhesitdownbesideme.HisnewshadtobeevenworsethanI

imagined,sincehewasbeingsokindtome.MaybeSarawaspregnantwithtwins,ortheywereengaged.

Crap,whyhadn’tIcheckedherlefthand?Notthatitmattered,Iremindedmyself.

Itookadeepbreath.“Sowhenisshedue?”

Hisfacetwistedinconfusion.“Who,Sara?”

Obviously.Inodded.

“Ah,endofApril,Ithink.”

“Well, I’m sorry about my reaction…it just took me by surprise.” I’d apologize for my public

anxietyattack,butIdrewthelineatofferingupmycongratulationsorbreakingoutthechampagne.

Cadestudiedmyfeatureswearilyandscrubbedahandoverthebackofhisneck.“Damn,cupcake,

thebaby’snotmine.”

Chapter21

Cade

Thelittlesobsthatwerestillwrackingherchestmademefeellikeacompleteasshole.Alexa had

brokendownatthemeresightofme.ButthinkingI’dgottenoneofmyco-starspregnanton top of that?

Damn,Iwasjustfuckingupleftandright.Ineededtoexplainthistoher,togetthisrightonceandforall.

Itookherhandinmine.“Sara’sboyfriendisthefather.Ionlymetupwithherbecauseshewanted

myopinionabouthowIlefttheadultfilmbusiness.Despitethefactthatshe’spregnant,Rick’sstillbeen

harassingheraboutworkingforhim.”

“Wait.”Shepulledherhandawaysuddenly,herfacescrunchingup.“Thebaby’snotyours?”

“No.Notmine.”ThankfuckingGod.IknewIwasn’treadytobringakidintothisworld.Ihadmy

handsfullenoughwithLilalready.ButtheideaofwatchingAlexa’sbellygrowbigger with my baby…

Well,thatwasadifferentstory.Ipushedthethoughtaway.

“Oh.”Hershoulderssaggedinrelief.“And…youleftthebusiness?”

“Yes.Ineverintendedtobeapornstar,Lex.IjusthadthousandsofdollarsinmedicalbillsforLily

thatIhadnowayofpaying.Ineededtomakesomefastmoney.”Iwantedtotellherthatwasmyplanall

alongandifshe’djustletmeexplainmyselfthatmorning…butIbitmytongue.Ihadn’teventriedtostop

herthemorningthatsheleft.AndI’dregrettedthateverydamndaysince.

Sheclosedhereyesanddrewinashakybreath.“Oh,”shesaidagain.

ThoughIknewIshouldn’t,thatitwasnoneofmyfuckingbusiness,Icouldn’tgetthatprickshe’d

been on a date with out of my head. “Lex…” I inched closer to her on the couch, dropping my voice

lower,“thatguy…Peter…hashetouchedyou?”

Hereyessnappedopenandmetmine.“Doyouknowwhatyou’resaying?”Atensesilencehungin

theairaroundus.“We’redating,asinmeandhim.Notmeandyou.Youdon’tgetasayinwhotouches

me.”

Allrightthen.Iguessthatclearedthatup.I’dfuckeduproyallywithher.Butthethoughtofsomeone

else’s hand on her made me want to hit something. Hard. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry about

everything.Well,noteverything.Iwouldn’ttakebackthatnightwithyou,”Iadmitted.

Her body went rigid. “You’re an asshole, you know that?” She stood and paced in front of the

couch,seemingtodrawstrengthfromheranger—anangerthatwascurrentlybeingdirectedatme.“Ifyou

neededmoneyforLily,allyouhadtodowasask.”

“Outofthequestion.”Ishookmyhead.Ididn’ttakehandouts.Plainandsimple.ItwasapromiseI

mademyselfwhenItookcustodyofLilyratherthanhavingherendupinfostercare.Iwouldtakefull

responsibilityforher.Endofstory.

Alexaspuntowardsme,herhandslandingonherhips.“Thefactthatyoucouldbetraymethatway

—bysleepingwithanotherwomanratherthanputyourmachoego aside and ask for the money…” She

wipedawaythetearsthathadescapedthecornersofhereyes.“Ican’tforgivethat…Ican’tgetoverit.

I’msorry.”

“Iam,too.”Istoodandkissedherforehead,beforedisappearingthroughthefrontdoor.

Fuck!ThecurserippedthroughmychestasIpeeledoutofhercomplex.Islammedmyhandagainst

mydash,cursingasIacceleratedtowardhome.

AfterdrivingaroundaimlesslyuntilIgotmyheartrateundercontrol,Iwassurprisedtoseeanhour

had passed. Being with her today, watching her break down, I knew there was no way in fuck I could

walk away and forget her. I’d wanted to hold her, wipe away her tears, kiss away her sobs. But she

wasn’tmineanymore.Andthatrealizationwaslikeapunchtothegut.Fuckit.Iwasnotgivingherupthis

easily.

Justthethoughtofgoingbackhomewithouther,backtomyemptylife,andwakinguptoanempty

bedeverymorning…No.Iwouldn’tsettle.Notthistime.IwantedtoseeherliftLilyontoherhipagain,

makehergigglethewayshehadbefore.MaybeIwasn’tworthyofherlove,butIwasjustselfishenough

totry.

Imadeaquickphonecall,askingSophiaifshewouldn’tmindstayingwithLilyalittlelonger.Hell,

whatIwasabouttodocouldtakefiveminutesorallnightifIhadmyway.ItoldLilyIlovedherandto

listentoSophia.

“Loveyou,Caden!”herlittlevoiceranginmyear.

“Loveyoutoo,babygirl.”Lily’sfaithinmecalmedmemorethanalittlebit,andIpulledaU-turn,

anxioustogetbacktoLex.

IknockedatthedoorIhadfledfromjustoveranhourago,butthistime,mynerveswerecrackling.

She’dmadeitclearshewasnolongerinterested,buthertearstoldmetherewasmoretoit.Shewasstill

hurting,somaybeIstillhadachance.

“Goaway,Kenz!”Alexa’smuffledvoicecalledfrominside.“Vodkawon’tfixmethistime.”

Iknockedagain.“It’sCade.”

Thedoorflewopen.“Cade?”SheswayedonherfeetandIreachedouttosteadyher,grippingher

upperarms.Icouldn’tseemtostoptouchingher,eventhoughshepracticallywincedeachtimeIdidso.

“Whoa. I’ve got you.” I needed to get my shit together, to find the right words to make her

understand.ButI’dneverbeengoodatromanticspeeches,andIdoubtedthatwasgoing to change now.

I’djusthavetofindaway,withoutwords,toshowher.

Thesweetscentofherskinandherhazyblueeyessentastreakofdesirestraightdownmyspine.

Fuuuck.

Chapter22

Alexa

“Cade?Whatareyoudoinghere?”Isteppedback,outofhisgrasp.“IcalledMacKenzieafteryou

leftandthoughtitwashercomingto…comeover.”I’dbeenabouttosaycheermeup,butdoingsowould

haveimpliedIwasacompletewreck.Ididn’twanttogivehimthatkindofpoweroverme.

“CanIcomein?”

Mybrainhadapparentlytakenaleaveofabsence,becauseIsteppedback,allowinghimto enter.

Hismuskyscentwashedoverme,andIwantednothingmorethantoburymyfaceinhisneckandinhale.

No,Alexa.No.Crap,maybethethreevodkashotsI’dslammedinquicksuccessionafterhe’dlefthadn’t

beensuchagoodidea.MyhandswerealreadyshakingandIwasstrugglingtoremainupright.

Iretreatedintothekitchenanddownedonemoreshotforgoodmeasure,before Cade entered the

kitchenbehindme.Herecappedthebottleofvodkaandplaceditbackinsidethefreezer.

“Enough,”hesaidroughly,hiswarmbreathbrushingoverthebackofmyneck.

I leaned back against the kitchen island, his looming presence holding me captive. “Why’d you

come back?” I’d been hoping to sound suspicious, hardened, but instead my voice gave away my

desperateandintoxicatedstate.Damn.

“Areyoudrunk?”Hereachedoutandtoyedwithalockofmyhair.“Iwasonlygoneanhour.”His

handbrushedmycheek,lingeringforjustamoment.

I lifted my chin and smirked up at him. “No comment.” He’d soon realize what a mess I was,

regardless.SeeinghimwithSaraandthinkinghehadmovedon…God,ithadcrushedme.Evenfinding

out that he wasn’t the baby’s father hadn’t eased my mind. It wasn’t as though he was asking for me

back…washe?AndwhatwouldIsayifhedid?

Ineededtobestrong.Andinmybuzzedstate,withCade’smasculinedeliciousnessstandinginmy

kitchen,itwasgoingtotakeafriggin’miracle.

Iplacedmyhandsonmyhips.“Whyareyouhere,Cade?”

Hisgazecollidedwithmine.“You.”

My throat tightened and I gripped the counter for support. Cade said nothing further and made no

movetowardme.Hejustcontinuedwatchingme,hiseyesgrowingdarkwithdesire.Theanticipationsent

myheartbeatthuddingerraticallyinmychest.

Surely he knew this wasn’t fair. It would be beyond unfair to seduce me right now, when I was

vulnerableandneedyforhistouch.Iwantedsomuchmore,butevenbeforeIprocessedit,IknewIwould

freelyandwillinglygivehimanythinghewanted.Evenknowingthatmyheartwouldsurelyshrivelupand

disintegrateonceandforallwhenheleftmethistimearound.

He stepped in closer, as if testing the waters, and when I made no move to stop him, and in fact

angledmybodytowardhis,heclosedtherestofthedistancebetweenusandhauledmeupagainsthim.

Isaggedinrelief.I’dmissedthis.Thehardplanesofhischest,hisfirmthighspressingagainstmine

inthatfamiliarway.I’dmissedhimandatthispoint,IwasdesperateenoughtotakewhateverIcouldget.

Myheartjumpedintoaction,poundingagainstmyribsandmybrainwarredwithmybody.CouldIhandle

theconsequencesofanothernightwithCade?Heleaneddownandplantedatenderkissonmyjaw,just

belowmyearlobe.

My heart said no, while my body screamed yes. Maybe if I purposely, knowingly chose this, if I

was using him this time around… the loss wouldn’t hurt as much. I steeled my nerves to take what I

neededfromhim…onelasttime.Ineededtobetheoneincontrol.

I captured his mouth in a crushing kiss, parting his lips with my tongue and eagerly swirling my

tonguewithhis.

Hishandscameuptocupmyjaw,tiltingmyheadtodeepenthekiss.Whilehishandstangledinmy

hairandcaressedmycheek,Ididn’tallowmyselftofeelthetendernessofthemoment,andinsteadtook

charge,unbuttoninghisjeansandworkingmyhandinside.Hiscock stiffened under my none-too-gentle

ministrationsandoncehewasfullyhard,Ibrokeawayfromthekissanddroppedtomykneesinfrontof

him.

Cade chuckled, bringing his hand down to pet my hair, smoothing it back from my face. “Damn,

baby,youinahurry?”

Buthislaughterdiedonhislipswhenmymouthcrestedaroundhisswollenhead,pullinghimdeep

inside.

“Oh,fuck.”

Pride swelled within me and I put every ounce of energy I had into the performance. My mind

replayedtheimagesfromhisvideos,andImimickedthemovesI’dseen—licking his balls and sucking

oneofthemintomymouth.Cadeflinchedandpulledback.“Youdon’tlikeit?”Iasked,lookingupathim

withwideeyes.

Hiseyesblazeddownatmine.“It’s…okay.”Heseemedtostrugglefortherightwords.Hestroked

my hair back from my face, while trying to read my expression. “I like you sucking on my cock better,

that’sall.”

“Oh.Butinyourlastvideo…”Istopped,snappingmymouthclosed.

Realization crossed his features, and it seemed we were both remembering the way he pulled

himselffreefromthegirl’smouthanddirectedhertohisballs.Hestrokedhisthumbalongmyjaw.“That

wasjustforthecamera,baby.Itwasacting.Mycockisyours,andtherewassomethingthatdidn’tfeel

rightaboutherdoingthat.Mylastmemorieswereofyousuckingmedeepintoyourthroat,andIdidn’t

wantanyoneelse’slipsaroundmerightthen. I know that probably sounds stupid to you, considering…

Butit’sthetruth.”

Itookadeepbreath.Itdidn’tmatterwhathesaidatthispoint,Iremindedmyself.Hecouldn’tmake

thisright.Ineededtobestrong.“Kay.Gotit.”Ireturnedtomytask,grippinghimfirmlywithbothhands

asIstrokedandsuckledatthesametime,forcingallthoughtsawayfrommymind.

“Damn,cupcake.”Hiskneestrembled,andhishandswoundtheirwayintomyhair,liftingitfrom

myfaceandarrangingitinaponytailbehindmyhead.

Withonehandstillplantedinmyhair,hegrippedhisshaftinhisotherhandandpulledhimselffree

frommymouth.“Idon’twanttocomeyet,”hesaidthroughgrittedteeth.“Letmetakecareofyou.”

He grabbed my upper arms, pulling me to my feet, and planted a series of sweet kisses on my

mouth.

“No.Ineedyouinsideme.Now.”Hereadtheinsistenceinmyeyes.

“Okay.”HepulledthehemofmysweaterdressupandIliftedmyarms,suddenlystandingbefore

himinjustmybraandpanties.

Ireachedaroundtounclaspmybraditchingitandthenquicklyremovedmypanties.Iwasn’tsure

why,butIneededtobeincontrol.NotbotheringtoremoveCade’sshirt,Ipulledhimintowardme,my

backpressedagainstthecounter.Hiseyesheldatraceofhesitation,butIpulledhislipstomine.“Take

me.”

He lifted me onto the counter and rubbed at the lips of my swollen sex. “Are you wet enough,

sweetheart?Idon’twanttohurtyou.”

Heneededtocutitoutwiththisniceguyshit.Webothknewhewasn’t.Thiswasexactlywhymy

heartwasinshreds.

Finding that I was already soaking wet—damn hormones—he rolled on a condom taken from his

wallet.Iwrappedmylegsaroundhiswaistanddugmyheelsintohisass,urginghimforward.Seconds

laterIfelthiscocknudgingatmyentrance.Yes,thiswas what I needed, just to forget about everything

elseandlosemyselfinthesensations.Awaveofdesireracedthroughmybelly.

Heinchedforward,slippinginsidemeslowly.Achinglyslowly.

Iarchedmyback,lyingagainstthecoolhardcounter,andsqueezedmyeyesclosed.“Harder.Fuck

meharder.”

Cade’smovementspickedup,ifonlyinfinitesimally,andhisfingertipsgrazedmybreasts.“Alexa?

Lookatme.”

Iopenedoneeye.“JustdoitCade.You’renotgoingtobreakme.”

Hishandsmovedtomyhipstopullmeforwardagainsthispelvis.Iwatchedhismovementsfor a

momentbeforelettingmyeyesdriftclosedagain.Irockedmyhipsagainsthis,despitethepleasure-pain

combo gripping my insides from the fullness. I let out heavy pants, pushing my hips forward in time to

meethisthrusts,cuttingintohisasswithmyfingernails.

“Stop,Lex,stop.Thisisn’trevengesex.”Hepulledawayfromme,hiscock,warmandwet,resting

againstmybelly.“Whatareyoudoing?”Hetookmyshoulders,gentlyshakingthemuntilImethisgaze.

I sat up on the counter, tears welling in my eyes. What the hell was I doing? This wasn’t me. I

wasn’tagoddessinthebedroom—orkitchen,asitwere—I was inexperienced and clumsy. I was only

doing this because my feelings for him terrified me. I loved him. I fucking loved him. I sucked in my

bottomlip,refusingtocry.“I’mnotapornstar.IknowI’mnotliketheotherwomenyou’vebeenwith…”

He released a frustrated breath, and clenched his fists at his sides. “That’s what you thought this

was? That I wanted rough sex with you…because of my past…” He yanked up his boxers and jeans.

“Fuck.”Thecurserippedthroughhischestinalowgrowl.Hishandsweretremblingandthelookinhis

eyeswasunlikeanythingI’deverseen.

Ipulledinashakybreath.

Cadescoopedmeupfromthecounter,easilyliftingmeinhisarms,andcradledmeagainsthischest

ashestalkedfromthekitchen.Hekickedopenthedoortomybedroomandtossedmeinthecenterofthe

bed,whereIlandedwithasoftthud.

He crawled towards me, leaning in close to my ear, his voice low and laced with anger. “If you

wantmetofuckyouhard,Iwill.Butnotbecauseyouthinkit’swhatIwant.Iwantyou.Justyou,Alexa.

Yoursoftcurves,yourlackofexperience,yourtightpussythat’sonlyeverbeenmine.Thatnightwithyou,

despite what I might have said, we made love, and it was the best sex of my life.” He sat back on his

heels,givingmeachancetoprocesshiswords.“Andmorethanthat,itwasn’tjustsexthatwesharedthat

night.”Herubbedhishandsoverhishair.“Christ,cupcake.I’minlovewithyou.”

Chapter23

Cade

Alexa’s stunned reaction to those five little words wasn’t quite what I was expecting. Her wide

blue eyes stayed locked on mine for several seconds before they pinched closed. She shook her head.

“Don’tsayitifyoudon’tmeanit.”

Icuppedhercheeks,andsheopenedhereyes.“Imeanteveryword.Iloveyou.”Asmileblossomed

onherlipsandIleanedforwardtokissher.“IfIhavetosacrificetogiveyoueverythingyouwant,if I

havetochangewhoIam,whateverIhavetodo—tellme.It’sdone.Ican’tbelieveIthoughtIcouldlive

withoutyou.”

Shelookeddown,arosyblushstaininghercheeks.“Cade,”shewhisperedsoftly,grippinghandfuls

ofthesheetsinherlittlepalms.

“Iwasfuckingmiserablewithoutyou.Anabsolutewreck.Pleaseforgiveme,cupcake.”

Shelookedup,seemingtodrawsomestrengthathearingmegrovel,hermischievousgrinslipping

backinplace.“Andyou’llcommit—onlytome.Nomorefilmingnomatterhowtoughtimesget.”

“Ipromise.”Ikissedthebackofherhand,herknuckles,herwrist.

“Andyouwon’tevensomuchaslookatanotherwomanwhenwe’retogether.”

Imethereyes.“Iwon’tneedto.I’vegotthemostbeautifulgirlintheworldwithme.” We were

makingourownvowstoeachother,andnomatterhowstrangetheymighthaveseemedtheywereperfect

forus.“WillyoubeokaywithmesittingonmyassonSundayafternoons,watchingthegameandhavinga

beer?”

Shelaughed,deepandthroaty.“Onlyifyou’llletmehavechickenwings.”

Ismirked.“Done.”

Shecrawledontomylap,straddlingmeandrestingherheadagainstmychest.Itwasstrangehow

I’dcometothinkofthisasherspot.Shetracedatenderfingertiplightlyovermychest,grazingagainstthe

hair. “Would you go to the store and get me tampons and chocolate ice cream and cheesy gossip

magazineswhenIneedthem?”

“Damnbaby,ifIcanplayBeautyShopBarbiewithLil,don’tyouthinkIcanhandlethat?”

Shechuckled,herchestbrushingagainstmineasshelaughed.Mybodystirredtolife,remembering

thatwewerestillmostlynaked.

Iturnedandgentlyloweredherontothebed,settlingmyselfoverher.Ilickedhernipples,pulling

oneintomymouth,andkeptmyeyeslockedonhers.Itookmytime,thoroughlyworshippingherwithmy

mouthandfingersuntilshewassoakingwetandbeggingmeformore.God,Ilovedthisgirl.

I arranged her on her back, her legs spread wide for me, and knelt between her knees. I inched

forwarduntilIwasdisappearinginsideher.Watchingmycockslipbetweenherpinkfoldswasinsanely

hot.

Myonlyissuewiththisposition,proppeduponmykneesthewayIwas,wasthatIcouldn’tkiss

her.Ihadtheperfectviewofherhotlittlebody,however,soIusedittomyfulladvantage.Having her

laidoutbeforemethiswayallowedmetocupherbreastsanddipbetweenherlegstomassageherclit.“I

wantyoutocomeforme,baby.”

Shemoanedsoftly,hereyesclosinginconcentration.“Cade,Iwantitfaster.”

“Yousure,baby?”

“Yeah,”shegroanedout,meetingmygazeagain.

I gripped her knees and increased my tempo, until I was fully buried with each thrust, my balls

hittingherass.

Ohfuck,Iwasn’tgoingtolastatthispace.Herwarmth,herbody,hertightlittlepussy….Ah,shit.

“Baby,I’mgoingtocome.”

“Notyet,”shewhispered.

I bit back a curse, and pumped harder, circling her clit faster. Droplets of sweat rolled down my

backfromtheeffortofholdingoffmyorgasm.“Baby?”

“Notyet,”shecried.

Igrippedthebaseofmyshaft,pinchingoffmyimpendingorgasm,andcontinuedthrusting.Myballs

tightenedasthephysicalachefromholdingbackovertookme.

Hercriesgotlouderandherhipsgroundagainstmine.Shewasclose.Withonehandstillplaying

withherclit,Iusedmyothertomassageonebreast,pinchingandrubbingherswollennipples.

Herhipsshotoffthebedandher raspy voice moaning my name sent me over the edge. I pumped

twicemoreandclimaxed,leaningoverhertowhisperlovingendearmentswhileIcame.

Wemadelovetwicemoreandthencalledfordelivery,refusingtogetoutofbedevenwhileweate

—sushiofallthings.AlexahadpromisedI’dlikeit,andsurprisinglyitactuallywasn’thalfbad.Oncewe

finished,weloungedinthecenterofthebed,unwillingtoleaveeachother’sarms.

“HowcouldIbeenoughforyou,baby?Youdeservetheworld.Myownparentsdidn’tevenwant

me,”Iasked,tracingasinglefingertipoverhernakedhipbone.I’ddeniedherrequesttogetdressedafter

thelasttimewe’dmadelove.

Sheleaneduponherelbowtolookdownatme.“Yourparentsmissedoutonanamazingman.And

asfarasyounotbeinggoodenough…”Sheshookherhead.“Thinkabouttheunconditionalloveyouhave

forLily.Shemayhaveherchallenges,andyouprobablyneverenvisionedcaringforasixyearoldatyour

age,buttoyou,she’sperfect.”

Iknewshewasright.I’dtakeabulletforLily.AndIfeltthesamewayaboutAlexa.

“You might not have been who I ever pictured myself with, but you’re exactly what I need

—someone I can let loose and be myself with. Not some uptight, suit-wearing douchebag who’s only

hangingaroundinthehopesofimpressingmyfathertosecurehisnextpromotion.”

“True.That’snotme.”

“AndIlovethataboutyou.Iloveknowingthatyou’dstanduptomyparents—oranyone, for that

matter—tomakesureIwashappy.”

“Hell,yeah,Iwould.”

I tucked Lex under my arm and held her until her breathing became deep and even. I hadn’t ever

spentthenightawayfromLily,butknowingSophiawassleepingoveratmyplace,andthatLilywassafe

—and most importantly that I had Alexa back—I fell into an easy sleep, feeling happier and more

completethanIeverhad.

*****

“Whatexactlydoyouthinkyou’redoing?”IaskedAlexaasshecrawledacrossthecabofmytruck

andontomylap.

“Shh.Ihaveanidea,”shemurmuredagainstmyneck.Havingherstraddlingmyhipsinthatlittle

blackskirtsentawaveofdesirethroughmysystem.

“Nofair,baby.Idon’thaveroomtotouchyou.”Igrippedthearmrestsoneithersideofher,caging

herinagainstme,butstilllettingherhaveherway.

Sheliftedherchinandcaughtmyeyes,confidenceanddesireblazinginthosebluedepths.“Hush.I

wasoncetoldyoulikedsexinthecabofyourtruck.”

Alowrichchuckletumbledfrommylips.That’swhatthiswas?“Usedto.Pre-Alexa.”OrP.A.,as

we’dtakentocallingmylifebeforeher.Iwasnotfuckingherinmytruck.Sureitwasdarkoutandthe

parkinglotwasmostlydeserted,giventhehour,butAlexadeservedmore.Shedeservedeverything.

Shegrinnedatme,nestlingherselfinevenmoresnuglyinmylap.“Yes,butyoucame out dancing

withmyfriendstonighteventhoughIknowyouhateloudclubs,andIwanttorewardyou.”Sherocked

herhipsagainstthefrontofmyjeans,thefrictionofourbodiesdemandingattention.

Itookherchininmyhandandkissedhermouth.Ididhatedanceclubs,butgettingtowatchAlexa

danceinaminiskirtandheelsandfeelinghergrindupagainstmeallnight,well let’s just say I was no

martyr.Ithadalsohelpedthatwe’dseemedtobridgethegapbetweenourfriends,invitingseveralofher

friendsandmineouttogether.Sortofourfirstrealcomingoutasacouple.Andtooursurprise,everyone

hadgottenalongwell.EvenTysonandIhadburiedthehatchetbetweenus.Itappearedsomehadgotten

alongbetterthanothers,too—caseinpoint,IwasprettysureIanandMacKenziewerecurrentlyenroute

tohisplace.

Icouldn’thelpbutsmile,becausethiswasexactlywhatwe’dbeendoingforthepastmonth—her

introducingmetothethingsinherworldandmeintroducinghertomine.

Alexacontinuedtowatchme,herexpressioncurious,hermouthcurvingintoamischievoussmile.

“Nothere.Notinmytruck,baby.LetmetakeyouhomewhereIcanfuckyouproperly,”Ikissed

her,nippingathermouth.

She grinned and shook her head. “I’m not breakable, Cade. You don’t have to treat me like a

princess.Iwantyou.”

“Cupcake…”myvoicecameoutinahalfmoan,halfwhisper.

Sheworkedherhandsinbetweenus,unbucklingmybeltandtuggingdown my jeans. God, I was

completelyathermercy.Sheownedme.Andthegleaminhereyeandsmiletwitchingonherlipstoldme

sheknewit.

“IthinkIneedtoremindyou…”Shetuggedmyboxersdownjustenoughtofreemycock.“Thatthis

belongstome.”Sheangledherselfcloser,grindingagainstmesoIcouldfeeljusthowdampherpanties

were.

Fuuuuck.“Oh,it’sallyours,cupcake.”Ituggedherpantiestotheside,runningmythumbalongher

swollenlips.Knowingshewasready,Ithrustmyhipsup,meetingherwetheatwithgentlethrusts.She

whimpered and writhed, adjusting to the fullness as I slipped inside. I clenched my jaw to keep from

cryingoutwhenherimpossiblytight,warmchannelsankdownonme.

“Everyinch,mine,”shewhispered.

“Yes,yours.”Ikissedherpassionatelywhilesheincreasedherspeed.

Alexa cried out and pressed her hand against the window, smearing the steamed-up glass with a

handprint.Ifitwasn’tobviouswhatwashappeninginthistruckbefore,itcertainlywasnow.

Her whimpers grew more insistent and I knew she was close. I never had to ask her anymore. I

could always tell when she was about to come and timed my release accordingly. She raised and

loweredherselfonmewhilerepeatedlymoaningmynamelikeitwashermantra.Itwasfuckinghot.She

tossedherheadback,moaninglowinherthroatandrodeoutthepulsingorgasmIcouldfeelsqueezing

me.Igrippedherhips,pumpinghardandfast,andquicklyfollowedherovertheedge.

After,Icradledhertomychest,holdingherwhileourheartbeatsslowedandbreathsmingled.“I

loveyou,cupcake.”

“Iloveyou,Caden,”shemurmured,herlipspressedagainstmyneck.

Epilogue

Alexa~Eightmonthslater

“Thatgirl’safish—lookathergo,”mydadchuckled,squintingintothesun.

WatchingLilysplasharoundinthepoolwasmynewfavoritewaytospendaSaturday.Ihadgrown

upinthispool,onthepatioofthisCountryClub,butsomehowwatchingLilyenjoyitwasevenbetterthan

myownmemories.

MymomwasinthepoolwithLily,sincetryingtokeepheroutofthewaterwasliketryingtokeep

Cadefromcallingmecupcake—itwasalostcause.

I looked across the terrace to find Cade returning with lunch. He set the foam boxes on the table

betweenmyfatherandI,beforedroppingakissonmylipsandsettlingintheloungechairbesideme.

“What’sforlunch?”mydadasked,addressingCade.

Hechuckled.“Burgers.Whatelse?”

Ithadbecomingarunningjokebetweenthem.Whenmymomwasn’tinthepoolwithLilyandwas

theonetoorderlunch,she’dcomebackwithsalmonsaladorsomethingequallyasforeigntoCadeand

Lily’spalates.Theyweregoodsportsaboutitthough,justlikemyparentswerewhenCadecameback

withcheeseburgersforeveryone.Itwaslikewewerealllearningtoexisttogether.Evenmydadhadcut

backonworkingSaturdaysinthesummertospendthedayswithushere.

Things had changed considerably over the past several months since I graduated from nursing

school.Mostnotably,Cadehadwonmyparentsover.Ithadn’tbeeneasyatfirst,butCadehadpersisted.

He’dstartedhisownsuccesscontractingcompany,andsoughtmydadoutforfinancialadvice,whichhe

was all too happy to provide, seeing as finance was his favorite topic. My dad in turn referred him to

several clients for remodeling projects—wealthy people at the country club—and Cade’s business had

grown considerably in a short time. Most of all, it gave him a boost of confidence, and forced any

lingeringworriesovermoneyfromhismind.Itwasnicetoseehimabitmorerelaxedbecauseofit.

AnotherbigpartofmyparentscomingaroundhadtodowithlittleLily—shewasjustsoloveable.

Thoughmymomneverseemedthegrandmotherlytype,she’dbeguncomingoverseveraldaysaweekto

pick up Lily. It was nice to see my mother have someone in her life to devote attention to, rather than

sittingaloneintheirbighouse.

Cadehadbegunhelpingmydadaroundthehousewithoddsandends,myfathergainingahealthy

respectfortheself-taughtskillsCadepossessed.Ofcoursewe’dconvenientlyleftoutCade’sbriefstint

asapornstarandthoughhisvideoswerestillonline,wedoubtedmyparentswouldeverdiscoverthem.

ThebiggestchangecamelastmonthwhenCadesoldhisgrandparents’little house, and I sold the

condomyparentshadboughtformeafewyearsbefore,andtogetherweboughtahousehalfwaybetween

both our places. It was in the same school district for Lily and still close to the hospital, where I now

workedfulltime.

MydadgrabbedatowelformymomandLily’spinkhoodedtowelthathadhernameembroidered

alongoneside—agiftfrommymom—andhelpedthemfromthepool.

ItooktheopportunitytoinspectCade.Hiseyesweregluedtometoo.

Cadeinapairofnavyswimtrunksslunglowonhishipswasenoughtomakemewanttodropmy

bikinibottomsandwadeoutinthewaterwithhimforsomeunderwateraction,spectatorsbedamned.But

ofcourse,Ididn’t.Ijustclenchedmythighstogether,knowingthatwhenwegothomefromthepool,Lily

wouldbeexhaustedandready for a nap and Cade and I could disappear into our room for some alone

time.

“Later cupcake,” Cade whispered as if reading my mind. “Now eat. You’re going to need your

energyforwhatIhaveplanned.”

Istifledagaspandgrinnedupathim.Iwashis,completely.Body,heartandsoul.AndIwouldn’t

wantitanyotherway.

Acknowledgements

Tomygirls—bothCourtney’sandmylittlemuse,SammyRae.Thankyouforyourunendingsupport

andloveonthisjourney,evenwhenyourowndatingadventureshavethedistinctpossibilityofappearing

inabookatsomepoint.

Thank you once again my fabulous editor, Tanya Saari, who has knocked my socks off with her

abilitytopolishmystoryintoanovel.Thankyou,mydear.

A special thanks goes out to my critique partners: Madison Seidler, Lolita Verroen and Charlie

Evans.Thankyouforyourthoughtfuladvice.ThedangerousduoofSaliPowersandJennyAspinallarein

acritiquingcategoryalltheirown,purelyfortheastoundingnumberofexclamationpointsandF-bombs

droppedwhentellingmewhattheylikedordidn’taboutthebook.Youtwoaregettingcharactersnamed

inhonorofyouinmynextbook.Justwait!!Loveya,gals!

Agiantbearhuggoesouttomyreadersforbelievinginmystoriesandlettingmeentertainyou. I

loveconnectingwithyouonFacebook,Twitter,andGoodReads.Youmakethissomuchfun!

Oh,andtomysexyhusbandwhomightjustbemybiggestfanofall.Hisweetie!

AbouttheAuthor

KendallRyanistheauthorofthebestsellingeroticromancenovelsUNRAVELMEandMAKEME

YOURS. She’s addicted to reading and writing romance novels filled with angsty tension, kissing and

alphamales.

ShelivesinMinnesotawith an adorable husband and two naughty puppies, one of which may be

partmonkey.She’shardatworkonhernextnovel,RESISTINGHER,whichwillbeavailableMay2013.

You can find Kendall lurking online at:

www.

KendallRyanBooks.com

or on Twitter as

@KendallRyan1whereshespendsfartoomuchtimefangirlingoverfictionalhotties.

ResistingHer

byKendallRyan~ComingMay1,2013!

AgentColeFletcherlivesforhisjobattheFBI,andhe’smorethanreadyforhisnextassignment—

raidingacultcompoundandputtingtheirleaderbehindbars.Butheisn’tpreparedforSavannahandher

knock-you-on-your-assgoodlooks.Atnineteen,she’stoooldforfostercareandtoodamagedtoliveon

herown.WithnowhereelsetogoandagainsthisbetterjudgmentColetakesherin.Buthelpingherout

won’t be easy. He helps her through screaming nightmares and lingering fears, and that’s the easy part.

Her preference to sleep cuddled up next to his warm body, and her desire to please him in every way

makesherharderandhardertoresist.