GiveMeSomethingICanFeel

Aromanceby:

B.Love

www.authorblove.com

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentseitherareproductsoftheauthor’s

imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or
dead,isentirelycoincidental.

Copyright©2016B.Love
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or

transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or
mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright
law.Formoreinformation,pleasecontactthepublisher.

Forinformationaboutbulkpurchases,pleasecontactB.Loveviaemail–

[e-mail]

Tojoinmymailinglistandbethefirsttoknowaboutmylatestreleasesclickthislinkrighthere

->

http://eepurl.com/bYzdcr

Interested in having your book published under B. Love Publications? Send the first three

chaptersofyourmanuscriptto

[e-mail]

Hey!

Thankssomuchforreading!

Very quickly I wanted to let you know about my giveaway! I am giving away four fire tablets four

daysafterthereleaseofthisbook.Detailsonhowtoenterandwinwillbeattheend!

Also, if you enjoy reading about Knight and Charlie, I’d appreciate it if you left a review and

recommendedthisbooktoyourfriends!

Allmybesttoyou,

HisPrologue

Knight rushed through the emergency room. All eyes were on him – on the wide eyed man whose

clothesweredrenchedwithrain–buthiseyeswereonthefrontdeskattendant.Policefollowedbehind

Knight,tryingandfailingtosecurehim.Speedingticketbedamned.Rightnow,hisonlyconcernwashis

mother.He’ddealwitheverythingelselater.

Tremblinghandsgrabbedtheglassthatseparatedhimfromtheattendant,andKnightpulleditapart.

Histemporarystillnessmadeiteasyforthepolicethatwerefollowinghimtorestrainhim.

“Getthefuckoffofme!”Knightroaredashefoughtagainstthefourarmsthatwererestraininghim.

Gasps,whispers,andscreamspouredfromalloverthewaitingroom.

“Please,sir,remaincalm.Idonotwanttohavetotaseyou,”oneoftheofficerswarned.

Knight’sheadwenttotheleft,andhiseyeslockedwiththeattendant.

“Canyoupleasetellmewhatroommymotherisin?AngelaCarver.”

Theattendantnoddedquicklyandpeckedawayathercomputer.HandcuffswereplacedonKnight’s

wrists,thenhewasliftedtohisfeetandreadhisrights.

“She’sinroom216,”theattendantpointedtoasetofdoubledoorstotherightofher.“Gostraight

throughandturnright.”

Knightnoddedandlookedatthepolicethatwasstandingbehindhim.

“Idon’tmindgoingtojailforwhatevery’allaretryingtochargemewith.Justletmeseemymother

beforeIgo.That’stheonlyreasonIwasspeedinganddidn’tstop.Ineededtogettoher.Please,letme

seeherbeforeyoutakeme.”

The officers looked from one to the other, agreeing silently. Knight was led behind those double

doors,andeachstephetookseemedtohaveweakenedhim.Hismotherhadstruggledwithdiabetesfor

years.Itdidn’tmatterhowmuchtheytriedtomakehereatrightandtakebettercareofherself,shedidn’t

takeherillnessseriously.Asmostpeopledon’t.

Angelacontinuedtoneglectherhealth.

Andnow…thestrokethatmayormaynottakeherlifewasmakingherpayforit.

Knight saw his father, Princeton, standing outside of room 216 speaking with his mother’s doctor.

Princeton’seyeswereloweredtowardstheground,butthecloserKnightgotthehigherhisfather’seyes

went.TheywentfromKnight’sshoestohislegs.Theylingeredathischestforawhile.Thenlandedon

hiseyes.Andassoonastheydid…Knightfelltohiskneesandhunghishead.

Theofficerstriedtolifthimup,buthewastooheavy.Notphysicallybutemotionally.Thelookon

hisfather’sfacetoldhimallthatheneededtoknowabouthismother’scondition.

“Whyismysoninhandcuffs?”PrincetonaskedashekneeledbeforeKnightandgrabbedhisfaceto

lookintohiseyes.

“Wearrestedhimforspeeding,evadingarrest,andassaultingapoliceofficerbut…”theofficerthat

cuffedhimearlierremovedthem.“We’rejustgonna…letitgothistime.”

TheofficershelpedKnightstand,andtheybothpattedhimonhisbackbeforewalkingaway.Knight

inhaleddeeplyandlookedpastPrincetontowardshismother’sroom.

“Whathappened,Pops?”

“Whatdidn’thappen?”thelightlaughthatfellfromPrinceton’slipsinnowaymatchedthetearsin

hiseyes.“Kidneysarefailing.Shehadastroke.Strokeleftherbraindead.She’sfallingapart,son.She’s

fallingapart.”

“But… that’s… people live after having a stroke all the time. Dialysis for her kidneys… she can

makeitoutofthislikeshemakesitoutofeverything.”

AndbyeverythingKnightmeanthismother’sbattlewithhersightweakening.Highbloodpressure.

Nerveproblems.Consistentswellinginheranklesandfeet,andskininfectionsandsores.

“It’snotthatsimple,Knight.She’s…shedoesn’twanttodothedialysis,andwecan’tmakeher.”

“The fuck you mean we can’t make her? You’re her husband! She has kids! She can’t just give up!

Makeherassgoonadietandstarteatingright,butyoucan’tkillher!”

“Enough!Igetthatyou’reupset,butyouwillnotdisrespectme.You’reright;Iamherhusband,and

I’mgoingtorespectherwishes.I’mnotgoingtobeselfishandkeepherherejusttosufferandappease

us.Ifshewantstoletthingshappennaturallythat’swhatwe’regoingtodo,”Knighttriedtowalkaway,

but Princeton grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. “And we’re going to support her no matter what

happens.”

Knight looked from his father to his mother’s room. His fingers grazed the top of his head as he

sighed deeply. With slumped shoulders he nodded. Princeton released his arm and wrapped his arm

aroundKnight’sshoulder.Slowly,heledKnighttowardsAngela’sroom.

“She’sonlifesupport.We’regoingtotakeheroff.Wejustwantedtogiveyoutimetogethereand

saygoodbyejustincasesheisn’tstrongenoughtofight.”

Knightbrieflyhesitated.Measuringthespacebetweenhimandroom216.Helookedbacktowards

the double doors. As if simply running out of them and hopping back in his car and returning to his

basketballgamecouldmakeallofthisahorriblenightmare.

Thecloserhegottoherroom,thecloserthewallswrappedaroundhim.Bythetimehefinallymade

it and saw her lying atop her bed he’d swear the walls were crushing him at the sides. Flattening him.

Forcinghimtofeelnothingbutpain.Discomfort.Tightness.

The stillness made her look peaceful. More peaceful than she had looked the past few times he’d

seenher.Thatmayhavebeenagoodthing.

Knightlookedoverathisyoungersister,Harlem,asshesatinthecorner.Legspulledupinherchair.

Elbowsonherknees.Eyesfocusedintentlyonhermother.Likeshewasafraidthatifshelookedaway…

“Mr.Carver,canIspeakwithyououtside?”

Knightlookedtowardsthedoorwherethevoicecamefrom.Princetonnoddedandwentoutsideto

speakwithAngela’sdoctor.Withanoddandunfamiliartingeofdisappointment,Knightwalkedoverto

hismotherandranhisfingeracrosshercheek–pullingbackimmediatelyatthefeelofhercoldskin.

Blindedbytearsthatchokedhisvoice,Knightmuttered,“Whywon’tyoufight?”asheloweredhis

foreheadtohers.“Whyareyougivinguponus?”

Andthenheremembered…shewouldn’tbeabletoanswerhim.

“Knight,it’stime.”

Knightranhisfingersthroughhismother’shairatthesoundofhisfather’svoice.Refusingtostayand

watchherleave,hewalkedovertoHarlemandkissedhercheekbeforewalkingoutoftheroomabruptly.

HerPrologue

“She’sjust…she’sjustalittlegirl.Theremustbesomethingyoucando.”

Chelsey’sshakinghandsgrabbedthetopofDoctorBerry’slabcoat.Beforehecouldtrytopullher

away,herhusband,William,wasgrabbingherbyherwaistandputtingspacebetweenherandthedoctor.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. White, but there’s nothing else we can do at this point. Your daughter’s heart is

failing.It’senlargedandit’stired.We’vetriedeverypossiblemedicine.Everysurgery.Everytreatment.

There’snothingelsewecando.Ifwedon’thaveacloselymatcheddonor…there’sjustnothingelsethat

wecando.I’msorry.”

DoctorBerrywalkedaway,andWilliamdeemeditsafetoreleasehiswife.Chelseybegantopacein

frontofCharlie’sroomassheshookherhead.Weigheddownwiththefeelingoffailingherdaughter.Her

babydaughter.AsCharlie’smother,Chelseythoughtitwasherresponsibilitytodoallshecouldtokeep

heraliveandwell.

Chelseybroughtherintothisworld,andsherefusedtoallowanythingtotakeheroutthisyoung.

“Ifwecan’tfindadonorI’mgoingtogivehermyheart,William,”Chelsey’svoicewascalm.Alittle

toocalmforWilliam.Likeshe’dbeenconsideringthisforawhile.Thatwouldmakesense.Charliehad

been having heart issues for years. At 19, there was no question in William’s mind about how many

scenariosChelseyhadcomeupwithtokeepherdaughterhere.“I’mnotgoingtojuststandouthereand

allowhertojust…die.Forherhearttojust…stop.No.Ifadonoristheproblem…I’lldonatemine.”

Williamsighedandranhishandsoverhisface.

“Chels,it’snotthatsimple,hon.Youhavetobeagood,closematch.You’renot.Ifyouwerewe’d

know.Andevenifyouwereamatch,howdoyouthinkshe’dfeelifshewokeupandyouweregone?”

“Idon’tcarehowshe’dfeel.Feelingswillchange.She’dbealive.That’sallthatmatterstome.”

Therewasnopointinarguingwithherwhenshegotlikethis,soWilliampulledherintohisarms

andheldhercloseinstead.

“She’smybaby,William.Mybaby.”

WilliamkissedthetopofChelsey’sheadandsigheddeeply.

“Iknow,hon.Iknow.”

“Mom,Dad,”Rodney,Charlie’solderbrothercalledashemarcheddownthehallwaytowardsthem.

Charlie’s older sister, Veronica, was right behind him. And her best friend, Deja, was behind her.

Chelsey pulled herself from William’s grip at the sight of her children. Now, she had to be strong for

them.RodneyfellintoherarmsasVeronicahuggedherfather.Dejaleanedagainstthewallasshestared

atCharlie’sdoorabsently.

“Whataretheysaying?”Veronicainquired.

ChelseylookedatWilliamtoanswerasshegrabbedVeronica’shand.

“Herheartisextremelyenlarged.Becauseofthatherbodyisretainingfluid.Herlungsarecongested.

Theyhaveheronabreathingmachine,andthey’retryingtoslowherheartpalpitationsdown,butnoneof

themedicineisworking.”

“Didtheytrywater?Thatworkedlasttime,”Dejaoffered–hereyesstilltrainedonthedoor.

“Yes.Nochange.Andtheydon’twanttogivehertoomanyIV’sbecauseshe’salreadyswellingfrom

thefluid.Dr.Berryissayingthatbesidesadonorthere’snothingelsethattheycando.”

“Nothing else they can do?” Rodney repeated. “So what? They’re just going to let my baby sister

die?Thefucktypeofshitisthat?I’llgivehermyheart.”

Chelseysmiledandloweredherheadastearsbegantofall.

“Youknowjustlikeyourmotherknowsthat’snothowitworks,Rod.IfitwasthateasyI’dbebeside

hergivinghermine.”

“CanItalktoher?”Dejainterjected.

“Just for a little while. She’s out of breath and exhausted. She doesn’t need to overwork herself.

Makesureshekeepsthemaskon,”Williaminstructed.

DejanoddedandwalkedintoCharlie’sroom.Shekeptthedooropen–truthfully,scaredtobealone

with her. Standing at the foot of Charlie’s bed, Deja looked down at her as she ran her thumb across

Charlie’sanklesoftly.

Charlie’seyebrowswrinkled,andhereyesflutteredopenweakly.Hercheeksraisedasshesmiledat

thesightofDeja.Dejareturnedthesmileastearsfilledhereyes.

“Don’t try to talk. I just… wanted to tell you that I was here and I love you. All of your family is

outside.”

Charlienoddedasatearsliddownhercheek.DejamadeherwaytoCharlie’sside.Grabbingher

lefthand,Dejawipedthetearaway.

“What’swrong,Charlie?”

Charlieshookherheadassheplacedherfreehandontopofherheart.Hermouthopened,butshe

closedit.DejapulledthemaskupslightlysoCharliecouldspeak.

“Ithurts.”

Dejaputthemaskbackdownbeforeshereplied.

“Ithurts?Yourheart?”

Charlie nodded as another tear fell. In all the years Deja had known her, she’d never seen her cry

overhercondition.DejalookedfromCharlietotheoutsideoftheroomwhereherfamilystood.Shetried

towalkawaytogetherparents,butCharlieputallofherstrengthintoholdingDeja’shand.

“Iwasjustgoingtogetyourparents.”

Charlieshookherhead.Dejaliftedthemask.

“Don’t.I’veworriedthemenough.Just…prayforme.”

Dejanoddedandinhaleddeeplyasherlipstrembled.Sherubbedherlipstogetherandlookeddown

at Charlie. Her heart was beating close to 250 times a minute, yet the rise and fall of her chest was

painstakinglyslow.Butitwashard.ShecouldliterallyseeCharlie’sheartbeating.

Charlieclosedhereyes.Dejadidthesame.

“Gracious and eternal God…” Deja paused and inhaled deeply again as she fought back tears.

“Thank you for You. For the Holy Trinity. For Jesus – whose stripes have already secured Charlie’s

healing.ForYourHolySpirit–whogivesusYourstrength.Yourpeace.God,I’mnotsurewhatyouhave

instoreforCharlie,but…”thetearsshe’dbeenholdinginfinallybegantofall.“Butifyoucouldjust…

takeherpainaway.Beithereorthere…Ijustwantmybestfriend’spaintobeover.InJesusnameIpray

am–”

Deja’seyesboltedopenatthesoundofCharlie’smachineflatlining.

“Charlie…”shenudgedanunresponsiveCharlieontheshoulderasherfamilyrushedintoherroom.

“Charlie!”

“What happened?” Chelsey grabbed Charlie’s hand as Deja backed away. “What happened, Deja?

Rodney,getherdoctor!”

“Iwasjustprayingforher…thenthemachinestarted…”

Deja’sheadshookasshecontinuedtobackawayfromCharlie.DoctorBerrysprintedintotheroom

andtookChelsey’splaceatCharlie’ssideasthreeotherdoctorsfollowedbehindhim.

“Weneedtheroomclear.Everyoneout.”

Deja watched as Charlie was unhooked and rolled out of the room. Still unresponsive. Everyone

followedbehindasCharliewasrolledout.ExceptDeja.Shestayedbehindandfelltoherknees.

“OK,Ilied–Idon’twantherpaintobeover.Notifitmeansshehastodie.Please,don’ttakeher

awayfromme.Fromus.Please.”

10yearslater…

Sineadwasbeatingonmyhotelroomdoorlikeshedidn’thaveanycommonsense.Idon’tknowwhy

shethoughtrandomlypoppingupatmyhotelwouldmakemetalktoher.IguessshethoughtsinceIwas

backinherhometownofClevelandthatthiswasherbestchanceofgettingmetotalktoher.

Wrong.

WhenIendedthingswithawoman…Iendedthingswithawoman.

Itdidn’tmatterwhatshesaidordidtotrytogetmeback;whenImadeupmymindtocallthingsoff

thatwasit.

Tobehonest,Ican’tevencomeupwithareasonwhySineadwastakinglosingmesohardanyway.

We weren’t in a committed relationship. I wasn’t a big texter and phone talker, so we hardly

communicated.Forthemostpart,I’dhitherupwhenIwasintownorI’dflyhertowherevermyjobhad

mewhenIwantedfemalecompanionship.

AsasportsannouncerfortheMemphisGrizzlies,IwasontheroadmorethanIwaseverhome.My

lifestyledidn’tleaveroomforcommitmentandconsistency.ImadethatperfectlycleartoSinead,butshe

allowedherselftogoandfallformeanyway.NowsheexpectedmetopickherupwhenI’dtoldherfrom

thejumpthatIwouldn’t.

ItoldherthatIwasnogood.

Nogoodforheratleast.

ItoldherthatallIcouldofferherwassex.

Notevenconsistentsex.

Asusual,shethoughtshewouldbeabletouseherbodytosecuremyheart…andasusual…shewas

wrong.

Women could spare themselves so much pain if they actually listened to what a man said. If they

actually took the time to ask him from the jump what his intentions were. If a man doesn’t want

commitment, there’s nothing you can do to make him commit to you but show him what he has in you.

Whathehasinyouhastobesomethingdifferentfromalltheotherwomenhecouldbewith.Havingsex

with him or telling him you’re cool with just kicking it knowing damn well you want a committed

relationshipisnotthewaytogoaboutit.Hecankickitandhavesexwithanywoman.

Ifyoureallywanttostandout…behonestandupfrontfromthejumpaboutwhatyouwantandmake

himmeetyourdemands.Don’tsettleforlessthanwhatyouwantanddeserve.Don’tsettleforsexand

friendshipwithbenefitsifyouwantmore,becauseonceyouputyourselfinthatfriendposition…you’ll

havethehardesttimegettinghimtoseeyouasmore.

Menlovetochase.Wetakeprideinworkingforourwoman.Inourtreasure.Ifhedoesn’twantto

work for you, you’re not his treasure. If you’re not his treasure, you will never have his heart. You’ll

neverbetheonehefightstokeep.

Soyea,afterIcalledthingsoffwithSineadaweekagoitdidn’tcrossmymindthatshe’dtrackme

downtonight,butIshouldhaveexpectedthat.Shewasthekindofwomanthatfeltlikebecauseshewas

beautifulandhadanicebodyshecouldhaveanymanshewanted.Andwhenamanthatshewanteddidn’t

wantherthatwasakicktoherego.Nowshefeltlikeshehadapointtoprove.Shefeltlikeshehadto

makemewanther.

Wrongagain.

Iwasawareofherbeautyjustlikeeveryothermanthatlaideyesonher…butitwouldtakemuch,

muchmorethanaprettyfaceandcurvyshapetosecuremyinterest.WhenIdecidedtocommit,whichI

don’tseehappeninganytimesoon,itwillbewithawomanwithsubstance.AndSineadwas…shallow

andempty.

Grabbingmyphoneoffthedresser,IignoredSinead’scallandcheckedthetime.Ihadthirtyminutes

tofinishgettingreadybeforeIhadtoheadtothearena.Itwasourlastgameoftheseasonanditwason

theroad,soIwantedtogivemyselftimetogoandgivetheteamapeptalkaswell.

Sineadcalledagainasshecontinuedtobangonmydoor.AsIplacedhercontactonmyblockedlist,

myyoungestsisterHarlemcalledme.Ihadtwo.Harlem,whowas16,andCarmen,whowasclosertomy

age at 25. Harlem was definitely an oopsie baby for my parents. They only planned on having two

children.CarmenandI.I’mtheoldestat32,andCarmenwassupposedtobethebaby,butnineyearslater

mamagotpregnantwithHarlem,andshe’sbeenmyprideandjoyeversince.Bothofmysistersare,but

HarlemholdsaspecialplaceinbothmeandCarmen’sheartbecauseshewassoyoungwhenmamadied.

“Hey,sweetheart,”IansweredasIsatinthechairthatwasinthediningareaofmyroom.Mymood

wasinstantlycalmedandbrightenedbyhercalling,andshehadn’tevensaidanythingyet.“What’sup?”

“Boo…whatisthatnoiseinthebackground?”

MyeyesshiftedtowardsthedoorasIsighed.

“Nothing.What’sup,Harlem?”

“You got another crazy one don’t you? I told you about messing with all those different women,

Knight.Youneedtostop.Idon’thavetimetobecatchingaflightcauseoneofthemhoppingonsomeThin

LineBetweenLoveandHateshit.”

“Watchyourmouth.Andwhatyouknowaboutthatmovie?Youweren’tevenbornwhenitcameout,

girl.”

“So!IwatchMartinallthetimeandIwatchedallhismovies!”

“Whatdoyouwant,sweetheart?IneedtofinishgettingreadysoIcanheadtothearena.”

Sheblewaloudbreathintothephoneandthebeatingofmyheartpickedup.

“Knight…”Harlempausedandexhaledloudlyagain.“Ihavetotellyousomething.”

“OK.What?”

“First,promisemethatyouwon’tgetmad.”

“Iwillnot.”

“Knight!”

I smiled and stood. Once I was at my bed I placed her call on speaker so I could finish getting

dressed.

“Justtellmewhatyouhavetotellme.Don’tmakememakeapromiseImightnotbeabletokeep.”

“Fine…”anotherpause.“Daddykickedmeout.I’vebeenstayingwithPrincessandherfamilyfor

thelastweek.Whenareyoucominghome?”

MyshirtwastossedbackontothebedasIsnatchedmyphoneup.

“Popskickedyouout?Forwhat?Whydidn’tyoucallmesooner?”

Theirrelationshipwasdefinitelystrained.Therewasjust…somuchfrictionbetweenthem.

Popshadnoexperienceraisingadaughteronhisown.WhenmamadiedCarmenwas15anddamn

neartakingcareofherselfbythatpoint.Mamahadhadenoughtimetoinstillatasteofindependencein

herthat she didn’thave time toinstill in Harlem. Carmenleft Memphis forcollege and hadn’t returned

since.EverybreakshehadshewasflyingHarlemouttoAtlantatospendtimewithher,butbesidesher,

Harlemdidn’treallyhaveanyfemaleinfluences.

Thegirlfriendsmydadtriedtobringarounddidn’tlastlongbecauseHarlemranthemallaway,and

ourgrandmothersweresooldschooleverythingtheysaidtoHarlemwentinoneearandoutoftheother.

Harlemrebelled.Period.Shewasalittletroublemaker,andIwastheonlyonethattriedtotakethetime

tobreakthatshell.

“I didn’t call because I knew off season was coming up and I was hoping you’d come home so I

couldstaywithyou.”

Sittingontheedgeofthebed,Iswitchedthephonefrommylefteartotherightandmassagedmyleft

temple.

“Whydidhekickyouout,Harlem?”

Thiswasn’tthefirsttimeshe’dleftthehouse.Mosttimesitwasafterhe’dtellher,“Aslongasyou

stayundermyroofyou’llabidebymyrules.Ifyoudon’tlikemyrulesleavemyhouse.”Itwasalwaysher

choicetoleave.Ican’tthinkofonetimehe’deverforcedherto.

“Cause,”hervoicewasalotsofterthanitwaswhenshefirstcalled.

“Becausewhat,Harlem?”

“I’mpregnant.”

The fast pace at which my heart was beating stopped. Completely. It completely stopped beating.

Then it plummeted. Fell so low it was like the weight of her words had literally detached it from the

valvesthatwereholdingit.FellsolowIgroaned.Iwasheartbroken.Heartbroken.

“What?Harlem…”

“I only have two years in school left, boo. I’m going to get a job now, and keep it while I’m in

school.Then,whenIturn18I’mgoingtomoveoutandworkarealfulltimejobsoIcantakecareofmy

baby.Ijustneedyoutoletmestayuntildaddyletsmecomeback.”

“No.You’renotgoingtocancelcollegejustbecauseyou’repregnant.You’renotgoingtocutyour

dreamsoffjustbecauseofthisbaby.Andyoufordamnsurearen’tgoingtomarrywhoeverthefatheris

justbecausehegotyoupregnant.Irefusetoletyouruinyourlife,Harlem.Ifpopsdoesn’twantyouto

staywithhimyoucanstayatmyplace.I’lltakecareofyouandyoutakecareofthebaby.You’regoingto

stayinschool,graduate,andgotocollegejustasyou’vealwaysplanned.AmImakingmyselfclear?”

Hersnifflescaughtmeoffguard.Harlemwastough.Shehardlyevercried.

“Ihearyou,Knight.Thankyou.”

“Nothanks needed. Iplanned on goingto Miami tomorrow, butI’ll switch myflights out and head

home.I’llpickyouupfromPrincess’shousethen.AndHarlem…”

“Yes?”

“Wehavealottotalkabout.Youknowthat,right?”

“Iknow.I’llbepreparedforyourrant.I’msureitwon’tbeasbadasdaddy’swas.”

“We’lltalkaboutthattoo.Ireallyhavetogo,though.Iloveyou.I’llseeyoutomorrow.”

“OK.Iloveyoutoo.”

Idisconnectedthecallandjust…satthereforasecond.Completelytunedeverythingaroundmeout.

Howdidthisshithappen?Howwasmybabyabouttohaveababy?Didn’tCarmenhavethesextalkwith

her?Didn’tIthreatenherandthelilknuckleheadsshebroughtaroundenoughtoavoidthis?

True,Ihadn’tbeenhomeinaboutsixmonths…butdamn.

Shaking the guilt that was slowly starting to consume me off, I finished dressing and prayed that

SineadwouldbegonebythetimeIhadtoleavethehotel.Ialreadywasn’tinthemoodforhermess,but

now,Ireallydidn’twanttobebotheredwithheroranyoneelse.

Wewonthegameandheadedtotheclubtocelebrate.Partyingwasn’treallymything,butIwantedto

celebratewithmyteam.Itwasalwaysagoodfeelingtostartandendtheseasonwithawin,sowehada

lottobeproudofandcelebrate.

Evenwiththatinmind,IfoundmyselfsittinginthebackofVIPnexttoabucketofmeltediceand

unopened champagne. I’ll be the first to admit, when mama died I was the first to pull away from my

family. She was what held us together. She was our glue. So when she died… we just… unraveled.

Carmenleftforschool.Popsshutdownemotionally.Harlemstartedwildingout.

Over the years that’s been fine with me. Well not fine, but I didn’t see the need to try to pull my

familybacktogether.Butnow…allIwantedtodowasgohome,makeCarmenbringherasshome,and

getthisshittogether.

Decidingtoflowwithit,Ipulledmyphoneouttosendheratext.

911athome.Howsooncanyougetthere?

Slidingmyphonebackintomypocket,Isatbackinmyseatandallowedmyheadtorestonthewall.

My eyes scanned the VIP area I was in the back of, and when they landed on Sinead they stopped.

Thankfully,she’dleftbythetimeIhadtoleavethehotel,andIwashopingshe’dcometohersenses,but

sheobviouslywasjusttakingthetimetoregroup.

Assoonasoureyesconnectedshestartedwalkingtowardsme.Thevibratingofmyphonepulledmy

attentionawayfromher,soIpulleditoutofmypocketandreadCarmen’stext.

Biggestlittlesis:IcancomeFridayafterwork.What’sgoingon?Callme.

We’lltalkaboutitwhenyougethere.Don’tworryyourselfbetweennowandFriday.Justgetherewhenyoucan.

“Whyhaven’tyoubeenansweringmyphonecalls,Knight?AndIknowyouheardmeoutsideofyour

hotelroom.You’resopredictable.Youstayatthesamehotelinthesameroomeverytimeyoucome.I

knowyouwereinthere.”

Iwaiteduntilthemessagesaiddeliveredbeforeclosingthethreadoutandputtingmyphonebackin

mypocket.

“Haveaseat,”Ioffered.

I didn’t want any attention brought onto us. And the way she was hovering over me with one hand

clutchingherglassofliquorandtheotheronherhipwasenoughtograbmyattentionifIwasanonlooker.

Sinead sat in the chair that was to the left of me. There was a small table with the champagne on it

separatingus.Shesatherdrinkonthetableandturnedtowardsme.

“What’syourissuewithme?”

ThecalmnessinmyvoiceinnowaymatchedthewayIwasfeelingontheinside.ItwaslikeIhad

justonegoodnerveleftafterthatphonecall,andIwasprettysureSineadwasgoingtotrampleit.

“What’s my issue with you? Are you serious right now, Knight?” I thought that was a rhetorical

question,soIremainedquiet.Sherolledhereyesandshookherhead.“Myissuewithyouisthatyoujust

cutmeoffwithnokindofwarning.”

“Nokindofwarning?”Ichuckledandsatupinmyseat.“Whatkindofwarningwouldyouhaveliked

formetogiveyou,Sinead?Weweren’tinacommittedrelationship.Whatwouldyouhavelikedformeto

havesaidordone?”

Sinead’sattitudesoftenedasdidherstatureintheseat.Herstraightposturecrumbledslightlyasshe

loweredherhead.Pullingitup,shelookedintomyeyes,andwhatIsawinsideofthemfeltlikeakickto

myheart.Itwasn’tanger.Itwasn’tpain.Itwaslove.She’dfallenforme.Hard.

“I don’t know, Knight. More than a random call in the middle of the night to tell me we’re done. I

guessit’sjust…Ihadjustspenttimewithyouaweekbeforethatandwewerefine.Thenyoucalland

callthingsoffand…”

Cuttingheroff,Igrabbedherhandfromacrossthetableandpulledittowardsme.

“Sinead…whatdidIsaywhenwefirstmet?WhatdidIsaybeforeIevenacceptedyournumber?”

shetriedtopullherhandaway,butIheldon.“WhatdidIsay,Sinead?”

“Thatyoudidn’twantanythingserious.Thatyouwouldn’tbeconsistent.Thatoncethisseasonwas

overI’dprobablyneverhearfromyouagain.Thatthemostyoucouldgivemewasrandomdatesandsex

whenwewereinthesamecity.But,Knight,evenwithyoubeingsoclosedoffyoustilltreatedmebetter

thananyothermanhas.Idon’twanttoloseyou.”

Shehadmetemptedtojuststopmessingwithwomencompletely.Itdidn’tmatterifIliedortoldthe

truth,whenitwastimeforthingstobeovertheystillgavemeahardtime.Duringoffseasons,thatwas

mytimetofocusonmyself.Ifastedfromwomencompletely.Friendshipsweren’tevenallowed.

“Ihearyou,love,andI’mtryingtobeverysensitivetoyourfeelings,butatthispointIhavenothing

elsetoofferyou.I’msorry,”Ikissedherhand,putitonthetable,andstood.“I’mgonnaheadout.Feel

freetotakethischampagne.I’msorry,Sinead.”

Herheadturnedintheoppositedirectionandthatmademefeelworse,butIwastiredoffeelingbad.

TiredofapologizingforleavingafterI’dstressedfromthebeginningthatIwould.Iwasdefinitelycutting

womenoff.Notjustfortheoffseason,butuntilIfoundonethatunderstoodmeandwasonthesamelevel

asme.

Fromthispointforwardmyprioritywouldbemyfamily.

I’drehearsedmyspeechsomanytimesIhaditmemorized,butIstillcouldn’tworkupthenerveto

quitmyjob.ForthepastfiveyearsI’vebeentheassistantmanageratBundled,amaternitystore.Refusing

multiplemanagementpositionsforcedmetofacethetruth–Ihatemyjob.Okay,Idon’treallyhatemy

job.Ihateworkingforsomeoneelsefor12hoursadayjusttomakeamultimilliondollarcompanyeven

richer.

“Hello,Linda.Thankyousomuchfortakingthetimetospeakwithme.AsyouknowI’veworkedfor

Bundled for the past five years, and although I love my job, I think it is time for me to go in another

direction,”IrushedoutforwhatfeltlikethehundredthtimeasIpacedaroundLinda’soffice.

Lindahadbeenthegeneralmanageratmylocationfortwoyears,butshe’dbeeninhermanagement

fieldwiththecompanyfornineyears.

“MaybeIshouldn’tsayanotherdirection.Butthat’strue,”Imumbledbeforechewingonmycheek.

Thatotherdirectionwasturningmyparttimebedsideserviceintoafulltimebedsideservicewitha

storefrontandall.I’dbeencateringtotheneedsofpregnantwomensincemysisterhadherfirstchildsix

yearsago.That’sactuallywhatstartedmybusiness.Ididalloftherippingandrunningforher,andshe

suggestedthatIturnitintoabusiness.

I’mnotashamedtoadmitit–fearisthesolereasonIhaven’tgonefulltimewithmybusinessoverthe

years.Thesecurityofworkingforastablecompanymademecomfortable,butIspendsomuchtimehere

thensomuchtimewithmyownbusinessthatIhardlyhavetimeformyself.

IfI’mgoingtospend12hoursadayworkingitjustmakessenseformetospend12hoursworking

for myself. Thankfully, I’d reached that point mentally… now I just needed to quit my job and make it

happen.

“Hello, Linda. Thank you so much…” the door opened during my practice run, but instead of me

turningaroundtofaceLinda,Ishutmyeyes,startedover,andblurtedmyspeechout.“Hello,Linda!”why

amIsoloud?“Thankyousomuchfortakingthetimetospeakwithme.AsyouknowI’veworkedfor…”

“Woah,woah.Wait.NotLinda.It’sme.”

My eyes opened as I turned to face Brea. She was a new hire that I’d taken under my wing three

monthsago.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?Where’sLinda?”

“Shegotcaughtupwithacustomer.Shetoldmetocomebackhereandletyouknowshewasrunning

behindbutshe’dbeonherwaysoon,”Breaclosedthedoorbehindherandleanedagainstitwithasmall

smile.“Youthinkingaboutquitting?”

InoddedandleanedagainstLinda’sdesk.Ithadtakenmetwoweekstoworkupthenervetoaskto

speaktoher.Waitingforeventwomoresecondsfeltliketheultimatetorture.

“Yep.It’sbeentime.”

“I’dhatetoseeyougoseeingasyou’retheonlyotherblackpersonthatworksthisshiftwithme,butI

knowhowdedicatedyouaretoyourbusinessandIreallywanttoseeitsoar.”

A small smile tilted the left side of my mouth, but it fell when the door opened again. Brea pulled

herselfoffofitandwinkedatmeassheexited.Notwantingtomakemynervousnesstooapparent,Iran

myhandsdownmypantsbeforepullingmyhandsbehindmyback.

“Hey,lady.What’sonyourmind?”Lindamadeherwaybehindherdeskandploppeddownwitha

satisfied release of breath. “God, you have no idea how glad I am to sit down. Well, yes you do. You

workharderthanmearoundhere.Ihonestlydon’tknowwhatI’ddowithoutyou,Charlie.I’mtryingto

getthesenewhiresuptospeedandonthesamelevelasyou,butthatseemslikeit’simpossible.IfIcould

havejustthreemoreofyouI’dbesatisfied.Youcan’teverleaveme,”shechuckledasshegrabbedher

bottle of Coke and took a swig. Motioning for me to sit down she ordered me to, “Sit down. Tell me

what’sonyourmind.”

Withmybottomliptwistedtotheside,Isatdownandranovermyspeechinmyhead.

“Hello,Linda,”shelookedatmewithoneraisedeyebrowandacrookedsmile.“Thankyousomuch

fortakingthe…”Ipalmedmyforeheadandsighed.I’vesaidthisshitIdon’tknowhowmanytimes.How

couldIbeforgettingitrightnow?Juststartover,Charlie.Damn.“Hello,Linda.Thankyousomuchfor

takingthetimetospeakwithme.Asyouknow…”

Knocksonthedoorinterruptedmyspill,andIcannotlie,Iwaskindofglad.Iwaslikethreewords

awayfrommeltingintoapuddleofsadsweat.Juststraightuppitiful,spineless,gulliblesweat.

“Sorryguys,there’saladyoutherethatwantsacashrefundforherpurchase,butshedoesn’thavea

receipt.Iofferedtogiveherstorecreditbutshedoesn’twantit.Canoneofyoucometalktoher?”Ava,

anothernewhireasked.

“Sure.We’llbeoutinjustasecond.Charliehas…”

“No.It’s.Itcanwait.I’ll.Letme…”Istoodandgrabbedmyphoneofftheedgeofthedesk.“I’lltake

careofthecustomer.Itcanwait.”

“Areyousure?”

Closing the door behind me was my answer. I leaned my body against it softly for a few seconds

beforeinhalingadeepbreath,shakingmydisappointmentinmyselfoff,andheadingforthefrontofthe

store.

“AuntieLie?”myyoungestniececalled.

IliftedhertomylapasIkeptmyattentiononmyFacebookfeed.

“What’sup,booger?”

“What’sasetup?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Mommyanddaddyareintheirroomtalkingaboutasetup.Daddyismadatmommybecausehesaid

sheneedstostayoutofyourbusiness,butmommysaidit’sherjobasyoursistertobeinyourbusiness.”

IsatmyphonedownandgavemyfullattentiontoAriel.

“Whatdidyoujustsay?”

I know Veronica wasn’t trying to set me up on another blind date. Ariel shrugged and grabbed the

pendantonmynecklacethatshetriedtotalkmeintolettingherhaveeverytimeshesawit.Littledidshe

know…I’dpurchasedherherveryonforChristmas.

“Mommysaidyouneedtobesetup.What’sasetup?Whydoyouneedtobesetup?”

ForonceIwasgladthatArielwasjustasnoseyashermeddlingmother.

“I don’t need to be set up, Ariel. Your mother is just…” with a groan I put Ariel on her feet and

stood.“Justdifficultfornoreason.”

With my phone in my hand, I placed a kiss on her forehead and headed for Veronica and Greg’s

bedroom.Sureenough,theywereinthemiddleofaheatedconversationthatwasimmediatelycutoffat

thesightofme.

“He–hey,Lie.Howlonghaveyoubeenstandingthere?”Veronicaaskedwithafakesmile.

“I’mgoinghome.”

“You’renotstayingfordinner?”

“No.I’mnotinthemoodforsteaksandsetups.”

“Setups?Charlie…”

“No,V.Itoldyounottodothisshitanymore.Itoldyounomoreblinddates.Youpromised!”

“I…it’snotablinddate,Charlie!”GregdidoneofthoseIcan’tbelievewhatI’mhearingchuckles

and walked away from her. When he made it to me he squeezed my shoulder before leaving. “I simply

suggestedthatChris…”

“Chris?Thecreepyguythatplayspianoatchurch?Really,Veronica?”

“He’snotcreepy.”

“Heiscreepy.Hesweatsallthetime.”

“It’shotuptherewhenhe’splaying!”

“That is not a good excuse. Chris has sweat dripping down his bald head as soon as he gets to

church,V.Icannotbelieveyoutriedtosetmeupwithhim!”

“Buthe’snice!Youneedaniceman…”

“NoIdon’t.Idon’tevenhavetimetodateanyone.Whycan’tyouandmaunderstandthat?I’mnot

usingthatasanexcuse.Ihonestlydonothavethetimetodate,Veronica.WhenIhavethetime,trustme,I

won’thaveanytroublemeetingamanonmyown.Stepoff.”

Hereyeswateredlikethedramaqueensheis,andimmediatelyIregrettedbeingsoharshwithher.It

hardlyeverhappened.Iwasthenicesister.Infact,itonlyhappenedwhenshedidstupidshitlikethis.I

walkedovertoherandgaveherthemostforcedhugIfeltlikeI’devergiveninmylife.Ididn’twantto

comfortherforpissingmeoff.Ijustwantedtobepissedandgohome!

“Don’t cry, Veronica. It’s not that serious. I’m sorry for snapping. You just get on my nerves

sometimeswhenyoudostufflikethis.Ikeeptellingyouoverandoverandoverand…”

“OK.OK.Igetit.Iwon’ttrytohookyouupagain,butifyoulet30yearsofyourlifeflybybecause

you’re so focused on working that you miss out on what’s most important don’t blame me. And don’t

expectmykidstotakecareofyou.Youwantsomeonetowipeyourassandkeepyoufromgettingbed

sores…haveyourownkids.”

“Idonotplanonstayingsinglefor30years,Veronica.Andin30yearsIwon’tevenbeoldenoughto

needsomeonetotakecareofme.Doyouhearyourself?”

“AuntieRuthsaidthesamethingandlookather.”

She had a point. Our aunt was so focused on proving that she didn’t need a man that she’d let her

entire life float right by without having one. And by the time she realized she wanted one… it was too

late.Well,itwasn’ttoolate,butshewasnolongerconcernedwithdatingattheageof60,soshespent

therestofherdaysalone.

IreleasedVeronicaandputsomespacebetweenus.

“Iwon’tbelikeher.”

“Juststayfordinnerandtalk…”

“No.”

“Maybeyouguyscouldjustexchange…”

“Veronica…”

“Fine.I’mgoingtolookreallybadifyouleave,Lie.”

“That’snotmyconcern.Youshould’vethoughtaboutthatbeforeyouinvitedhimover.”

IkissedherforeheadjustasI’ddoneArielbeforeturningandleaving.Ignoringherprotests,Ipulled

upmyChili’sappandstartedatogoorder.Forgetwhatshewastalkingabout.Iwasnotabouttospend

oneofthefewfreenightsIhadhavinganawkwarddinnerwithher,Greg,andChris.Anappetizercombo

andafewmovieswoulddomejustright.

ThiswasnothowIplannedonspendingmyfirstdayoftheoffseason.Firstofall,Ididn’tplanon

being home at all. I planned on being in Miami somewhere on the beach with a few drinks. Not sitting

outsideofHarlem’sbestfriend’shousewaitingforhertocomeout.LastnightIcouldbarelysleep.My

babysisterwaspregnant.Shewasonly16andshewaspregnant.

Thathadbeeneatingatmeallnight.

Ihadnocluewhothefatherwas.Whattheirrelationshipstatuswas.Ifheplannedonstickingaround.

Ifhisparentsknew.Noneofthat.Butitwasmygoaltohaveallofmyquestionsansweredbytheendof

theday.

Thecreakingofthedooropeninggrabbedmyattention.Iputmyphonedownandlookedtowardsthe

door.PrincesshadonebagandHarlemhadtheotherastheymadetheirwaytomycar.Gettingout,Isaid

a silent prayer that I wouldn’t be too hard on her. Harlem was tough, but I was the only person she

softenedfor.Iwastheonlypersonwhoseopinionseemedtomattertoher.

Wehadthatalike.Toughandhardheartedforeveryonebutthosewekeptclose.Forthemwewere

soft and easily wrecked. That’s why she tried to stay clear of Carmen. She already had enough to deal

with dealing with pops. Dealing with judgment from an older sister who tried way too hard to be her

motherwasastressHarlemdidn’twantorneed.

Nodding at Princess, I grabbed the bags from both girls and my eyes immediately lowered to

Harlem’sstomach.

“Hey,Knight,”Princessspoke.“Thanksagainforthoseticketsformydad’sbirthday.”

InoddedbutkeptmyeyesonHarlem’sstomach.Itstuckoutalittlebutnotmuch.Becauseofthetight

shirtshehadonitlookedlikeshe’dstuffedherselfwithfoodandhadalittlegut.Shoppingforclothesthat

fitwasnowatthetopofthelistofthingstodotoday.

“Noproblem.Areyourparents’home?Iwanttothankthemforlettingherstay.”

“Theyhaven’tmadeitinfromworkyet.”

“Cool.I’llstopbyalittlelaterthen.”

Princess nodded and pulled Harlem in for a hug. She whispered something that I couldn’t hear in

Harlem’searthatcausedhertosmileandnod,thenshelethergoandwalkedbacktoherhouse.

HarlemandIstoodthere–juststaringateachother.Well,shewasstaringatme.Iwasstaringather

stomach.Harlemcrossedherarmsoverherchestandshiftedherweighttoherleftside.

“Areyougoingtojuststandtherestaringatmeallday,Knight?”

“Ijustcan’tbelieveyou’vegotababyinthere.”

My eyes met hers finally and she smiled. I smiled. This was still my baby sister. She was still my

prideandjoy.

“Believeit.It’sreal.”

“CanI…touchit?”

Harlemchuckledandrolledhereyesasshenodded.Iputherbagsinthebackseatandwalkedoverto

her.EventhoughIasked,Ihadahardtimeactuallytouchingherstomach.Hersmallhandgrabbedmine

and she placed it on her stomach. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, but it definitely felt like

somethingwasinthere.

“Whathappened,Harlem?ImeanIknowwhathappenedbut…”

WithashakeofmyheadIpulledmyhandawayandopenedthepassengerdoorforher.Shewalked

overtoitslowlyandlookedupatmeinsteadofgettingrightin.

“I know you’re probably disappointed in me, boo, but I really didn’t plan for this to happen. I’m

sorry.”

Unsureofwhattosay,Inoddedandmotionedforhertogetinthecar.Wehadnothingbuttimetotalk.

Therewasnopointinrushingitnow.

IthoughtI’dtakehertoaregularstoreandshecouldbuysomestuffthatwasafewsizesbiggerthan

hersize,butHarlemtoldmethatshewantedtogotoanactualmaternitystore.Thatwascool.Iwanted

her to have all that wanted and needed. She chose a store called Bundled that I’d never even heard of

before.Wepulledup,andIwasboundanddeterminedtositinthecarandwait,butshesuckeredmeinto

cominginanyway.

Apparently I wasn’t the only man in that position. There were three others that were sitting on a

benchinfrontofthewindow.Iwastednotimesittingnexttothemandjoiningthem.ThankfulthatIhad

myearbudswithme,Igrabbedthemoutofmypocket,connectedthemtomyphone,andgotsomemusic

going. I was pretty sure this was going to take a while, so I leaned my head against the window and

preparedtogetmealittlenapin.

It felt like just as soon as my body started relaxing I was being nudged in the shoulder. My eyes

openedslowlytothesightofHarlempointingtowardsthesectionwheretheyhadcarseatsandshit,butI

couldn’tfocusonthose.Myfocuswasonthebeautifulwomanstandinginfrontofthecarseats.

Shehadbig,wildtightcurlsinherhair.Verybigandwildandtightcurls.Theywerelongandfull

and just… everywhere. Smooth brown skin covered her toned frame. From a distance it looked to be

blemishfree,butIcouldn’tbesure.Herskinhadareddishtint,butitwasthesamebrownasacorns.

Iwantedtotasteit.

Atfirstglance,Iwasn’texpectinghertoactuallybeworkingherebecauseofwhatshehadon.She

was dressed in a white button down shirt dress. It stopped mid-thigh, and she had on a pair of white

sandalswithit.Thedresswastherightlengthtogivemetheperfectviewofherslimthickthighs.

Shelaughedandpulledmyattentionbacktoherface.Thesoundofherlaughwasthemostbeautiful

laughI’veeverheardinmylife.Itsoundedso…full.Sofulloflife.Andhersmile…shehadthebiggest,

brightestsmileI’deverseen.Ittookoverherwholeface.Asbeautifulasherdarktighteyeswere,Ithink

Ilikedthembettersquintedandpracticallyclosedasshelaughed.

Shetookthepapersfromthegirlthathadsaidwhateveritwasthatmadeherlaugh,thenreturnedher

attentiontothecarseats.NowIwasonlyblessedwithasideviewofher,butI’dtakethattoo.Babywas

beautifulonallsides.

“Knight!Isaidcomelookatthecarseatswithme,”HarlemsaidforwhatIgatheredtobethesecond

timebeforewalkingawayandreturningtothecarseats.

I scratched my chin as I looked the woman over once more. She was definitely my type. Beautiful

real hair. Beautiful brown skin. Beautiful shape. Beautiful dark eyes. Beautiful smile and perfect white

teeth.Justbeautiful.

Rememberingmyfast,Istoodandunwillinglymademywayovertothecarseats,Harlem,andthe

beauty.Mynosewasassaultedbyaperfumethatitdidn’tagreewith,andIsneezed…whichapparently

caughtthebeautyoffguardbecauseshejumpedinthemostadorablewayanddroppedallofherpapers.

“Dang,Knight!Itoldyouaboutsneezinginpublic.Loudasssneeze,”Harlemscoldedasshetriedto

bendandhelpthebeautypickupherpapers,butshestoppedher.

“No.No.Igotit,sweetheart,”sweetheart?“Butthanks.”Icallhersweetheart.

Shaking whatever I was feeling off, I squatted to help the beauty pick up the papers. Her hands

workedquicklytogatherthepapers,butwhenshelookedintomyeyestheystoppedmoving.Andsodid

mine.Hersmilefell.Sodidmine.

“Apologize,boo.”

IheardHarlem,butIwasn’ttryingtoseeher.Ididn’twantanythingoranyonetakingawayfrommy

viewofthisbeauty.

“Iapologize,”Ioffered.

Thebeautysmiledthatbeautifulsmilebeforeloweringhereyestotheground.

“It’sOK.Yoursneezejustscaredalittlelifeoutofme.”

IchuckledasIgrabbedtherestofthepapersandhandedthemtoher.Westoodatthesametimebut

sheputsomespacebetweenus.

“Mybad.Iknowitcanbeloud,soItrytoholditinasmuchasIcan.”

“Youdon’thavetoapologizeforthat.It’snatural.”

Withanod,Iputmyhandsinmypocketstoavoidtouchingherhair.Iknewhownaturalswereabout

theirhair.ThatwasdefinitelynotabattleIwantedtoendureagain.Notwithoutherpermissionatleast.

“OK,Knight,Ican’tchoosebetweenthesetwo,”Harlempulledmebythearmtowardsher.“Redor

black?”

“Ithoughtyouwerepickingoutclothestoday?”

“Iwas,butwemightaswellgetasmuchaswecantoday;unlessyouwanttomakeanothertripso

youcanflirtwiththatladysomemore.”

Thebeautywasstandingofftotheside,butIsawhereyeswidenoutofthecornerofmyeyebefore

hershoulderstensedandshebusiedherselffurtherawayfromus.

“Really,Harlem?Whywouldyousaythat?”

“It’sthetruth.”

“Iwasnotflirtingwithher.”

“Whatever.Helpmepickoutaseat.”

“Iain’thelpingyoupickoutshit.”

“Knight!Comeonnow!Don’tstartbeingmean!Ifyoudon’thelpmedothiskindofstuffwhowill?”

“Where’sthedudethat’sresponsibleforthis?”

“Responsibleforthis?This?Didyoucallmybabyathis?”

Nowshewasabouttostartactingcrazy.

“Um…” the beauty walked back over to us timidly. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but… if your

boyfriend…”

“Boyfriend?Thismeanieismybigbrother,”Harlemquicklycorrected.

Thebeautybitdownonhertoplipaslongasshecouldbeforeasmileappeared.Shenoddedand

inhaleddeeply.

“Oh. OK. If your brother doesn’t want to help with this kind of stuff, allow me. I have a bedside

service business. I make baskets for expecting mothers. I offer pre and post delivery services such as

shopping,babyregistryandbirthannouncements,nurseydesign,diaperdelivery,laundryservice,hospital

prep,babyshowerplanningandthrowing,pampering,and…”shegesturedtowardsthecarseats,“Iput

togetherpackagesfilledwiththingsyou’llneedfromBundledincludingcarseats,”thebeautypulledone

ofthepapersshe’ddroppedoutofthestackandhandedittoHarlem.“Here’salistofeverythinginthe

store.Ifyouwant,youcanwalkaroundthestoreandmakealistofeverythingyouwantandneed.Then

I’llgetitalltogetherforyouanddeliverit.”

Harlemgrabbedmyforearm,“Knight,”sheshookit,“Canwehaveher?”

Thebeautyblushedandloweredherhead.

“Harlem,gosomewhere.Letmetalktoherforasecond.”

“Fine.”

Harlemturnedherattentiontotheclothes,whatsheshould’vebeenlookingatinthefirstplace,and

allowedmetohavethebeautytomyself.

“Sorryaboutmysister.Ihavenoexcusetoofferbesidesshe’sjustcrazy.”

Thebeautysmiled,andIcouldn’thelpbutwonderhowitwouldfeeltoseethateverydayfortherest

ofmylife.Blessing.

“She’scute.Sheremindsmeofmyoldersisterwhenwewereyounger.”

Her hand went to the collar of her dress and she squeezed it as if being around me made her

uncomfortable.

“So…bedsideservice?”

“Right. Right. I also make doctor’s appointments when you or the father can’t go with her. I’m

basicallythereeverystepofthewayforwhateveryouguysneed.Evenrandomcallsatmidnightbecause

she’scravingdillpicklechipsandicecream.”

“Howdoesthiswork?Andhowmuchdoesitcost?”

“Well, my website is on the bottom of the paper I gave your sister. All of my packages are listed

there.IliketomeetwithmyclientsandgetafeelforwhattheywillneedbeforeIsuggestapackage,but

theyrangefromfivehundredtofivethousanddependingonhowpresentyouwantmetobe.”

“Cool.I’m sure we’lljust end uptaking the biggest one.Your contact informationon that paper as

well?”

“Yep.”

“Youknowwhat?Canwejustsetupatimetomeetnow?IwanttohelpherallthatIcan,butIcan

alreadytellwe’renotgoingtogetalongmuchandI’mgoingtoneedallthehelpIcanget.”

Thebeautysmiledagain.

Thatsmilewasgoingtogetherprettyassintrouble.

“That’sperfectlyfine.I’mherealot,butifyoucangivemeasecondtograbmyplannerI’llletyou

knowmyavailability.”

“Soundsgood.”

Shetookafewstepsbackbeforewalkingofftothesideandbehindme.Notcaringifitwasobvious

ornot,Iturnedaroundtogetaviewofherass.Nicelittlesmallyetroundass.Itwassmallenoughtonot

betoomuch,butenoughformetograbahandfulof.Herhipswerecurvy,andherwaistwassmall,butit

wasnaturallooking.Notlikeshespenteverydayatthegyminoneofthosewaistshapers.

WhileIwaitedforhertoreturnIlookedaroundthestoreforHarlemwhowasnowlookingatbaby

bags.

“OK,so…itlookslikeI’mavailable…intwodays.Saturday.Willthatwork?”

I turned at the sound of the beauty’s voice. She had her head in her planner, so she didn’t see me

checkingherout.EvenifshedidIreallydidn’tcare.Ijust…couldn’tstoplookingather.

“Yea,that’llwork.Whattime?”

Shemetmyeyesagainandsmiled.

“Noon?”

“Cool.I’llhaveHarlemtextyoumyaddress.”

“OK,well,itwasnicemeetingyou…”

Iextendedmyhandforhers.Shelookeddownatitandbackatmebeforeputtingherhandinsideof

mine.

“KnightCarver.”

HerheadtiltedtothesideasIpulledheralittleclosertome.

“KnightCarver?ThesportsannouncerfortheGrizzlies?Ithoughtyourfacewasalittlefamiliar.”

“Youintobasketball?”

“JusttheGrizzlies.Ilovegoingtotheirgames.”

I nodded. That gave her even more points in my book. But I was fasting. With that recollection I

releasedherhand.

“That’swhat’sup.Yea,that’sme.Andyouare?”

“CharlieWhite.”

“Nicetomeetyou,Charlie.”

Thebeauty…Charlie…wrappedherarmaroundherstomachandgrabbedherelbow.

“Nicetomeetyoutoo.And…Harlem?”

InoddedandlookedatHarlembriefly.

“Saturdayatnoon?”

“Saturdayatnoon.”

“OK.”

“OK.”

ThiswastheendoftheconversationI’msure,butmyfeetwouldn’tmove.Neithercouldmyeyes.

“Charlie, can you come show me how to apply the coupon again?” somebody behind the register

asked,butIdidn’tsee.

AllIsawwasthebeauty.

AllIsawwasCharlie.

AndeventhoughIdidn’tknowanythingabouther…therewassomethingaboutheraurathattoldme

sheneededtobeseen.

901-612-9909:Hey,Charlie!ThisisHarlem(thegirlfromBundledwiththebrotherwhosesneezescaredyou)Ican’twaittomeetwith

youtoday!Here’souraddress–5427ValleySpringsDr.Callifyouneedhelpfindingtheplace–Harlem

IstaredatHarlem’stextasIwaitedforDoctorBerrytojoinmeinhisoffice.Thiswouldbethefirst

clientmeetingthatI’vebeenthisexcitedaboutinawhile!Myexcitementdidn’tstemfromthemoneyI

couldpotentiallymake,althoughthatplayedapartinit,IwasmoreexcitedaboutbeingaroundKnight.

Yes, I had absolutely no plans of dating and getting into a relationship right now, but there was

somethingabouthimthatIjust…really,reallyliked.ItwentbeyondhislooksandIcouldn’tquiteputmy

fingeronwhatitwas.Don’tgetmewrong,though,KnightCarverwasveryniceontheeyes.

He had the sexiest chestnut skin. You know, that sexy shade of brown that meant he had no trouble

snatchingpanties.Itwasthekindofbrownthatwrappedaroundmenofacertainkindofbreed.Thekind

ofbrownthatembracedhismanhood.Hisblackness.Hispower.Hissexy.His…him.Thekindofbrown

thatjustlookeddamngood.Andsmooth.Andedible.Andright.

Knight had that boy next door handsome. He was the kind of handsome that you might miss if you

walkedpasthimonthestreet,butonceyouseteyesonhim…you’dneverforgethim.Hishairwascut

intoalowtaperedfade.Straightbrowsanddarkebonyeyesgavehimanononsensekindoflook.Hehad

thekindofeyesthatfeltliketheywerequestioningyou.Lookingintoyouandquestioningthedepthsof

you;andtherewasnothingyoucoulddobutallowthemto.

Knight’sbeardwasmorescruffthananything.Itwasn’tlikehewastryingtogrowitouttofitatrend.

Itwaslike…thathadbeenhisstyleforyears.Likehejustdidn’tgiveadamn.Likehewasroughandbad

yetcleanandgood.Idon’tknow.Thesmallamountofhairjustfithimperfectly.

IthinkIlikedhislipsthemost.Hisclassic,fulllips.Thetoponewasthecolorofhisskinwhilethe

bottomonewasdeeppink.Pink!Anditwasjustatadbiggerthanthetopone.Thoselipswerethefirst

thingInoticedonhisface,andassoonasIsawthemIcouldn’thelpbutwonderhowtheywouldfeel.

Howtheywouldtaste.

NowthatIthinkaboutit,Inoticedwaytoomuchabouthiminthatshortamountoftime.Memorized

toomuchabouthiminthatshortamountoftime.IfIwasgoingtobeworkingwithhissister,anditseemed

like the job was pretty much guaranteed at this point, I needed to steer clear of this. These… feelings.

Thisdesire.Thislust.Ineverlust.Ever.

“Sosorrytokeepyouwaiting,Charlie,”DoctorBerryspokeashewalkedintohisofficeandclosed

thedoorbehindhim.“How’veyoubeen?”

“Good,Dr.Berry.You?”

“Good,”hesatacrossfrommebehindhisdeskandsmiledasheletoutatightexhale.“How’sthat

hearttreatingyou?”

Asusual,myresponsetoanyoneaskingaboutmyheartwastorubitabsently.Well,Iguessitwasn’t

reallymyheart.Itwasn’ttheoneIwasbornwith.IhadopenheartsurgerywhenIwas19,andnow…I

hadtheheartofAngelaCarver.

“Great.Justgreat.”

“Amazing. You know, out of 10 years, your testimony is the one I love telling the most. You were

definitely saved by God that night, Charlie. He saved you. Your heart stopped just at the same time

Angela’shusbanddecidedtotakeheroffoflifesupport.Andthefactthatshe’drequestedthatherheartbe

donatedtoyou…”

MyeyeswateredasIloweredmyhead.Nomattertheamountoftime,thetopicofAngelaalwaysgot

tome.Shewasliterallylikemyangelhereonearth.She’dbeeninthehospitalalittlelessthanme,buton

one of our emergency room visits together, I was placed in a separate room in ICU. As I was getting

settledinwithIV’sbeingputonmeandallofthat,shewasgettingreadytoheadhome.

I didn’t know anything about Angela then, not even her name. She walked past my little area and

becausethecurtainwasslightlyopen,shewasabletolookinatme.IguessIlookedyoungandoutof

placetoherbecauseherfacescrunchedupassheturnedtogetabetterlookatme.

DoctorBerrycameover,andtheytalkedamongstthemselves.HetoldherthatIwastherewithheart

complications, and that the only hope I really had at that point was to have a heart transplant. To my

surprise,no,tomygrace,shetoldDoctorBerrythatshewasaregistereddonor,andthatwhenthetime

came,shewantedtodonateherhearttome.

I’dnevergottentotalktoher.Ididn’tevenknowuntilafterthesurgeryhadbeenperformedandmy

parentstoldme.AllIhadwasheractofkindnessandwhatDoctorBerrysaidshesaidwhenshemadethe

offer.

Heaskedherwhyshewantedtodosuchathingforatotalandcompletestranger,andshesaidthatI

waslessofastrangerthananyofusthought.Thatshewantedherhearttocontinuetobeatevenaftershe

wasgone.AndIwastooyoungtodieiftherewassomethingshecoulddoaboutit.Thepartaboutme

beinglessofastrangerstilldidn’tmakeanysensetome,butI’dlearnedlongagotonotquestionitand

justthankGodandAngelaCarver.

“I’msorry,Charlie,Idon’twanttomakeyoucry.Thatjust…blowsmymindeverytimeIseeyou.

But anyway, our annual charity week is coming up. I can imagine the load you have on your shoulders

with working and running a business, but I was wondering if you could volunteer this year? We could

really use a fresh mind with new creativity. We’ve been doing kind of the same thing over the years

becauseofthevolunteercommunitywehave,andbecauseofthat,we’vebeenpullinginthesameamount

ofmoney.ThisyearIwanttotrysomethingdifferentinhopesofpullinginnewsponsorsanddonations.”

TherewasnowayIcouldturnDoctorBerrydown.Notafterhowgoodhe’dbeentomyfamilyandI

overtheyears.Buthewasright…Ihadalotonmyplate.Iguessitwasamatterofpriorityatthispoint.I

owed a lot to him, his staff, and this hospital. If they needed my help putting their event together, that’s

whatthey’dhave.

Itwastheircharityeventsovertheyearsthathelpedtopayformymedicine,treatments,copays,and

billswhenmyparents’insurancesaidthey’dreachedtheircap.Yea,theywoulddefinitelyhavemyhelp.

FiveminutesintomydriveIreceivedacallfromoneofmymostdifficultclients.Bianca.Herfather

spoiled her before she left home, and her husband picked up, so she had this spirit of entitlement that

rubbedmethewrongwayeverytimeIwasaroundher.HadIknownwhatIwassigningupforIwouldn’t

have taken her on as a client, but all of my initial meetings were done with her husband. I didn’t meet

Biancauntilmyfirstdayworkingwiththem.

I’vebeendreadingsigningthatcontracteversince.

Istartedtonotanswer.Istartedtojustnotanswer,butthelongerIlookedathernameonmyphone

themoreIrememberedthatapartofouragreementwasthatIbeavailable24/7.TheonlytimeIcouldput

one client off was if I was with another. With the fakest cheerful voice I could muster, I answered

Bianca’scall.

“Hey,Bianca.”

“Charlie!Whereareyou?Ineedyou.”

“I’monthewaytomeetwithapotentialclient,B.What’swrong,honey?”

“Ican’ttiemyshoes.”

Mycountenancefellatheradmission.Wasshereallycallingmebecauseshecouldn’ttiehershoes?

DidshereallywantmetostopwhatIwasdoingtocomeandtiehershoes?No.That…she…no.

“Whatdidyoujustsay?”

“IsaidIcan’ttiemyshoes,Charlie.I’msupposedtogoforawalktotryandgetthisbabyoutofme,

butIcan’ttiemyshoes.”

Ifshedidn’tsoundsodistraughtIwould’velaughed,butthiswasherfirstbabyandithadprovento

beanadjustmentforhertoshareherbodywithsomeoneelse.

“OK,Bianca,whydon’tyoutaketheshoesoff,tiethem,thenputthemon?”

Hervoicegrewcoldandlowasshesaid,“YouthinkIdidn’tthinkaboutthat,Charlie?Ican’tgetthe

shoesoffthefloor.KevinputthemonmebeforeheleftforworkandI…Ijustneedyoutocomeandtie

themforme.”

Nevermindthefactthatshecould’vegottenoneofherneighborstodoit.Nevermindthefactthat

shecould’veusedabroomorpairoftongstopickuptheshoes.ThiswastypicalspoiledBianca.

“Fine,Bianca.Givemeabout15minutes.”

“15minutes?Youcan’tgethereanyfasterthanthat?”

“Girl,youbetter...”

“OK.OK.Thanks,Charlie.You’rethebest.”

WithanodIdisconnectedthecallandpulledupHarlem’stext.Icalledthenumbertoletherknow

I’dbeafewminuteslate.

“Yea?” Knight answered and completely caught me off guard. So off guard I had to pull the phone

frommyeartomakesureI’ddialedtherightnumber.“Hello?”

“Oh.Yea.Sorry.Um,IwaslookingforHarlem.Shetextedmefromthisnumber.”

“Charlie?”

WhywasIbitingmycheektoavoidsmilingathearinghimsaymyname?

“Yea.Iwasjustcallingtolether,wellyounow,knowthatI’mgoingtobeafewminuteslate.Oneof

myclientsjustcalledandaskedmetocomeandtiehershoesso…”

“Yo…”IcouldhearthechuckleinhisvoiceashecutwhatIassumedtobetheradioinhiscardown.

“Areyouserious?Peopleactuallycallyouforthatkindofstuff?”

“You’dbesurprised.”

“That’s fine. I’m on my way home now so I’ll tell Harlem when I get there. I don’t know why she

textedyoufrommyphoneinsteadofhers.IguessbecauseI’llbetheonehandlingthebusiness,butI’lllet

herknowyou’regoingtobeafewminuteslate.”

“Great,thanks.”

Iwasabouttodisconnectthecall,readytogethisvoiceoutofmyearandhead,buthecalledmy

nameandregainedmyattention.

“Charlie?”

“Yea?”

“Um,I’mgoingtostopandgrabsomethingtoeat.Maybesomewings.You…wantsomething?”

Notabletoanswerhimrightaway,IallowedmysmiletoformasIshookmyhead.

“That’sverysweetofyou,butI’mstillfullfrombreakfast.Thankyou,though,Knight.”

“Cool.Well,IguessI’llseeyouinafew.”

“K.”

IendedthecallandanyirritationIfeltthatwascausedbyBianca’srandomcallhaddissolved.

BeforeCharliecameoverIwantedtotalktopopsabouthowinvolvedhewasgoingtobe,andtalk

toHarlemaboutthebaby’sdaddy.Asofnowhewasjustaspermdonortome,butsheseemedtobekind

ofsensitiverightnowsoIwastryingtorespectherfeelings.Wedidn’ttalkmuchthefirstdayshewasat

myspot,butwehadtohavethattalkwhenIgothome.

Ineededtoknowhowmuchwasgoingtoberequiredofme.AsIsatinfrontofthehomeIgrewupin

somanydifferentthoughtsandfeelingsrushedthroughme.WhenmymomdiedIwasontheroad.Itwas

my first year starting for the Grizzlies. I wasn’t able to come home much because of that, and after she

diedIreallykeptmydistance.

TherelationshipthatmypopsandIhadwasoneofunderstandingandrespect.HeunderstoodthatI

didn’trespectsomeofthewayshehandledthings,andIunderstoodthefactthathedidn’tgiveadamn

whatIthoughtandhowIfelt.

Aslongaswedidn’tstayaroundeachotherfortoolongweweregood,whichiswhyIwantedto

keepthisvisitasquickasIpossiblycould.Thegoalwastogetin,askaboutHarlem,andgetthehellout.

I made my way up to the front door, and instead of using my key to let myself in I knocked on the

door.Aboutaminutepassedbeforehewaslettingmein.WeshookhandsandIledthewaytotheliving

room.Weshookhands.Ihaven’tseenmyfatherinsixmonthsandwegreeteachotherbyshakinghands.

Wastingnotime,assoonaswesatdownIjumpedrightin.

“So,IjustwannaknowwhatyouplanningondoingforHarlemandthebaby.”

HelookedatmelikeI’daskedhimtonameall50statesinalphabeticalorder.Withalowchuckle,

heshookhisheadandleanedbackinhisseat.

“I’m not doing anything for her and the baby. I made it very clear to her when she left what her

optionswere.Ifshewantedtobegrownshewasgoingtodoitonherownandgetoutofmyhouse.Ifshe

wantedtocontinuetolivehereandletmeraiseherandprovideforhershewasgoingtohavetogetridof

it.Iain’traisingnomorekids.None.”

“Youtoldhertogetanabortion?”

Heshruggedandexhaledloudlyasheswallowed.

“I’mnotraisingnomorekids.”

“Apparentlyyou’renotevenraisinghersowhywouldIexpectyoutohelpher?”

“Watchit,Knight.”

I stood. Disappointed. But that shouldn’t surprise me. He’d been disappointing me ever since my

mamadied.

“It’scool.I’lltakecareofherandthebabylikemamawould’vewantedmeto.Ican’tbelieveyou.”

“Yourmamawould’vewantedhertofinishschoolandgotocollegebeforelettingsomeboyknock

herup.”

“We’repastthatnow.Obviouslythat’snotgoingtohappen.Nowwehavetocomeupwithaplanof

actionforthepositionshe’sinnow.She’syourdaughter,notmine.She’s16yearsold.Andyou’resitting

heretellingmethatyou’renotgoingtodoanythingtohelpher?”

Hecrossedhisarmsoverhischestandstaredatme.

“Fuckit.Idon’tevenknowwhyIwastedmytimeevencomingoverhere.”

“Idon’teither.Youdon’tcomearoundfornothingelse.”

“WhyshouldI?EverytimeIdoit’ssomeshit.I’mtiredoffightingwithyouallthetime.”

“Therewouldn’tbeafightifyouboweddownandshowedmesomerespect.”

“Boweddown?”myvoicewasraisingrightalongwithmyanger,andhewasjustsittingtherewith

themostnonchalantlookonhisface.“Showyousomerespect?IrespecttheGodinyouasahumanbeing,

butyou’vedonenothingextratogainmoreofmyrespect.AlloftherespectIhadforyoudiedrightalong

withmymother.”

“Willyouletthatgo?Whatdidyouwantmetodo,son?”

“Iwantedyoutofight!Iwantedyoutofightforus!Forher!”

“She was brain dead! The fuck did you want me to do? She was a vegetable! There was nothing I

coulddo!”

“Butyoudidn’teventry,”myvoicesoftenedasmyeyeswatered.

Nomatterhowmuchtimepassed,Icouldnevergetoverthedayshedied.Howhewassoquickto

pulltheplugonher.Thatdidsomethingtome.Mademefeellikehedidn’treallyloveher.Didn’treally

loveus.InmymindIknewthatwasn’ttrue…butinmyheartitwas.

“Knight,therewasnothingIcoulddo.Shewastiredoffighting,andhonestlysowasI.”

“Oh.Sothat’swhatthisisabout?You.Youweretiredoftakingcareofhersoyoujustletherdie?”

“That’snotwhatI’msayingandyouknowit.Iwastheonethatwasherealldayeverydaywithher

whileshewassufferingandyouwereoutbeingthebigNBAsuperstar.Theonlythingsheaskedofyou

wasthatyoufinishyourdegreebeforeyoustartedintheNBAandyoudidn’tevengiveherthat!”

“Youdon’tthinkIknowthat?!Youthinkthatdoesn’teatatmeeverydayofmyfuckinglife?Whydo

youthinkIquittheleaguerightaftershedied?Idon’tneedyouthrowingthatshitupinmyfaceeverytime

Icomearound.That’swhyIdon’tcomearound.Ifeelguiltyenoughaboutnotbeinghereforherbefore

shedied.Idon’tneedyouthrowingitinmyface.IrefusetonotbehereforHarlem.Soyoudon’thaveto

worryaboutdoingshitforherandthebaby.I’lltakecareofitall.”

“Knight…”

Icouldn’tgetoutoftherefastenough.

“Sweetheart!”IyelledassoonasIsteppedfootinmyhome.

“What,boo?”washerresponsefromherroomupstairs.

“Getdownhere.IneedtotalktoyoubeforeCharliegetshere.”

Heading into the kitchen with our food, I scratched her father’s name off my mental list of people

she’dhavetocounton.NowIneededtoseeifshecoulddependonherspermdonor.Ifnot,itwouldbe

up to me and Carmen. Mostly me since Carmen wasn’t even in town. She didn’t even come home

yesterdaylikeshesaidshewas,butshewasgoingtoflyintonight.AndCharlie.Somehow,herbeingin

theequationmadeitseemlikewehadmorethanenoughhelp.

Itwasthemiddleoftheday,andaftermyconversationwithCarmenandHarlem’sfather,becauseI

didn’tevenconsiderhimmineanymore,IfeltlikeIneededashotofsomething.Harlem’sfeetshuffling

down the stairs stopped me. I walked into the living room and found her laying on the couch in her

pajamas.

“WhydidyoutextCharliefrommyphone?Andwhyaren’tyoudressed?She’llbeheresoon.”

“Didyoubringfood,boo?Ismellit,”Ididn’tanswerherasIsatontheoppositesideofthecouch.“I

textedCharliefromyourphonebecauseIfiguredyou’llbetheoneshe’sgoingtobetalkingtowhilewe

figurethisout,soitmakesmoresenseforhertohaveyournumberinsteadofmine.It’sonlygoingtotake

methreesecondstothrowonapairofsweats.”

“Seasonedwingsonthetableinthe…”Icouldn’tevengetitoutgoodbeforeshewasjumpingupand

headingtothekitchen.“Kitchen.Eatinhere.Weneedtotalk.”

AsIwaitedforhertoreturnIthoughtoverCharlie’sunexpectedcall.Shehadnoideahowhearing

fromhercompletelylightenedmymood.IwaspissedashellwhenIleftCarmenandHarlem’sfather’s

house, but hearing her voice for whatever reason seemed to have soothed me. We weren’t even on the

phoneforthreeminutesandinlessthanthreeminutesshe’dcompletelyturnedmymoodaround,butwhen

IpulledintomydrivewayandpreparedtotalktoHarlemmyattitudeslowlyreturned.

“OK,”Harlemtossedafryintohermouthasshereturnedtothelivingroomandsatdown.“Letme

haveit.Youhaven’tyelledatmeyet.Goonandgetitoverwith.”

“I’mnotgoingtoyellatyou;IjusthavesomequestionsIneedyoutoanswer,”Harlemputthewings

inthemiddleofusandIgrabbedoneandateitbeforeIaskedmyfirstquestion.“Yourspermdonor…”

“Canyounotcallhimthat,Knight?”

“Atthispointthat’sallheis.Ihaven’theardyoutalktohimnotonceoverthesepasttwodays.He’s

notafatherinmyeyes.He’saspermdonor.Ifhestepsupthatwillchange,butasofnow…he’sasperm

donor.Whoishe,howoldishe,andhowdidyoumeethim?”

“HisnameisTage…”

“Tage?ThefuckkindofnameisTage?”

“Knight!”

“Allright,continue.”

Igrabbedawingandstartedeatingittoavoidinterruptingheragain.

“HisnameisTage.He’s17.He’sajunior.Wegotoschooltogether.Imethimlastyear.”

“Areyouinarelationshipwithhimorwereyoujusthavingsexwithhim?”

Therewasnodoubtaboutit–thiswasaveryuncomfortableconversationforthebothofus,butit

wasonethatwehadtohave.Shesighedandputherhalfeatenwingbackinthefoilpan.

“We are in a relationship. We were in a relationship. When I told him that I was pregnant he fell

back.SotoansweryourfuturequestionsnoIdon’texpecthimtobeinvolved.NoIdon’texpecthimto

supporthischild.NoIdon’texpecthimtoeventellhisparentsthathehasababyontheway.Hesays

he’sgoingto.

Hesayshe’sgoingtocomewithmetothedoctorandstuffbut…Ijustdon’tbelievehim.Youalways

sayletactionsspeakandIain’thearingnothingfromhimrightnow.Hehasbeencallingandtexting,but

thatjustdoesn’tmeananythingtomerightnow.”

ShepickedherwingbackupandfinisheditoffasIsmiled.Asmessedupasthissituationwas,Iwas

proudthatshewasn’toutherelivingyoungandnaïvecompletely.Atleastshelistenedtosomeofthestuff

Itoldher.

“We’llseewhathedoes.I’mgoingtowarnyou,though,ifhe’sgoingtobeinvolvedhewillhaveto

beallin.I’mnotplayingthatinconsistenthalfinhalfoutbullshit.Pageis…”

“Tage,Knight.Tage.”

“Heisgoingtohavetotellhisparentsandstepuptotheplateifhewantstobeinthebaby’slife.

Noneofthathidingy’allfromhisfamilyandcomingaroundwhenhewantstorandomlypopupshit.He’ll

havetogetajobandhelpyouinsomeway,Harlem,justonthestrengthofhimgettingyoupregnant.You

won’t need the money, and I’d suggest you put it in a savings account for the baby’s college fund or

something,butheneedstoinvestsomethingbesideshisseedinyou.”

Iftherewasonethingshe’dneverhavetoworryaboutitwasmoney.MyfirstyearofcollegeIwas

draftedandjoinedtheMemphisGrizzles.IplayedintheNBAforfouryearsbeforeIretired,andIdidn’t

touch any of the money I made playing ball until I retired. For those four years I lived solely off

advertisementdeals.

Ihadenoughmoneysavedtoneverhavetoworkagainadayinmylife.AnnouncingfortheGrizzlies

wasmywayofstillbeingconnectedtothegameinsomeway.Basketballwasmypassionandprobably

wouldalwaysbe,andinthesmallamountoftimethatIplayedprofessionally,itsetmeupforlife.

“That’sfair.Knight,I’msorry.Iknowyouhadthesebigdreamsforme…”

“Itdoesn’tmatterwhatdreamsIhadforyou.Iwantyoutoliveforyouandyourbaby.We’regood.

Thingshappen.I’mnotgoingtolieandsayIwasn’thurtwhenyoutoldme,butI’mnotgoingtopunish

youforthis,Harlem.Ifeellikeyougotenoughofthatfromyourfather.Andthat’sgoingtohappenfrom

everybodyelseinthefamily.They’regoingtogiveyouhell.Theywillloveyourchildandaccepthimor

herwholeheartedly,butthey’regoingtogiveyouhell.Youdon’tneedthatfromme.”

Harlemsmiledasshestoodandsatnexttome.Herarmswrappedaroundmyneckandshekissedmy

cheek.

“That’swhyyou’remyfave.Iloveyou,Knight.”

“Iloveyoutoo.Nowfinishfeedingmyniece.”

“Nephew.”

“Howyouknow?”

“Idon’t.Ijustdon’twantagirl.”

“Whynot?”

“Toohighmaintenance.”

“Whatever.Whenisyournextappointment?”

“NextFriday.WecanfindoutthenwhatI’mhaving.”

Inoddedandstoodtogointothekitchen.Thewingsweregood,butIneededsomethingtowashthem

down with. After grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator I headed over to the table to get my

phone.Theblindsonthewindowwereopen,andthesightofayellowbeetlepullingintomydriveway

mademesmile.ThatcarfitCharlieperfectly.Fithersmileperfectly.

IfeltlikeIshould’veturnedaway,oratleastheadedtothefrontdoortoletherin,butIfoundmyself

standing there watching her. Watching her cut her car off. Close her eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Leanoverandgrabherpurseandanotherbagoutofthepassengerseat.Openthedoor,lockhercar,and

makeherwaytothefrontdoor.

In another one of those button down shirt dresses. This one was red. I loved the way the white

complementedherskin,buttheredonegaveherasexyedgethatwasn’ttherethefirstdayImether.

SinceshewasnolongerinmysightIwasabletosnapoutofitandwalkaway.Thedoorbellrang,

andHarlemmadenoattempttoansweritasshetookthepanofwingsupstairswithher.Iwashappytobe

seeingheragain.Maybealittletooeagertoseeher.Toningthatfeelingdown,Iremindedmyselfofmy

fast as I went to the door to let her in. Besides, there was nothing about Charlie that said friend with

benefits.

Iopenedthedoorandwasmetbythatbeautifulsmile.

“Hi,”shespokesoftyetbubbly.

Shehadthathappyhippiekindofvibethatmademechuckle.

“What’sup?Comein.”

Charliesteppedinsideandwaitedformetoclosethedoorandleadherintothelivingroom.

“Wow.Youhaveabeautifulhome,Knight.”

“Thanks.Haveaseat.”

Iwould’veofferedheratouroftheplace,butIfiguredshe’dgetthatifwedecidedtodobusiness

together.

“Where’sHarlem?”

“Present,”webothlookedatHarlemasshecamedownthestairs.“Hey,Charlie.”

“Hey,sweetheart.Howyoufeeling?”

“Good.Alittlehungry,butI’llfinisheatingafteryouleave.”

“That’snotnecessary.Youcaneatnow.Feedthatbaby.”

Harlem smiled and nodded as she returned to her room to grab the wings. Charlie returned her

attentiontome.

“Didyouguyshaveachancetolookatmywebsite?”

Iclearedmythroatandreadjustedmyselfinmyseat.Thedaywemet,Iwasn’tasawareofherscent

asIwasrightnow.Maybeithadwornoffoverthecourseoftheday,butrightnow…Icouldsmellher,

andthecombinationofawomanthatlookedgoodandsmelledgoodhadalwaysbeenmyweakness.

It wasn’t just the fact that she had on a perfume that smelled good or nothing simple like that. It

smelledlikeitwasmadeforher.Itmixedwithhernaturalscentperfectly.AndeventhoughIknewshe

waswearingsometypeofperfume,itwassonaturalthatitsmelledlikeitcouldliterallycomestraight

fromherpores.Intoxicating.Commanding.

“Yousmellverygood,”Iheardmyselfsay,butIwashopingandprayingI’dsaiditundermybreath.

WhensheblushedandloweredherheadIknewI’dsaiditoutloud.

“Thankyou.Sodoyou.”

NowthatpulledalaughoutofmebecauseIknewIsmelledstraightupliketheMaryJanefilledblunt

Ismokedonmywayhome.ThatwasmyonlyviceIguess.Maybenottheonlyone,buttheonlyonethatI

hadabsolutelynoplansofeverchanging.

“Thankyou.Idosmokedaily,butnotinthehousesoyoudon’thavetoworryaboutthisbeingabad

environmentforHarlemandthebaby.”

“Thatthoughtnevercrossedmymind.”

Thatstatement.Thatstatementcreatedasilentthicknessbetweenusthatwasn’tbrokenuntilHarlem

camebackdownstairs.Well,shemadeitdowntothebottomstep,lookedbetweenus,thenstartedgoing

backupthestepsbackwards.

“Sorry,”shemouthedtomewithasmile.

“Girl, get your silly ass over here,” I said with my own smile – thankful for the pull away from

Charlie’sweb.

CharliefluffedherhairandinhaleddeeplyasHarlemsatnexttoher.Surprisinglyclose.Harlemwas

mean.Period.Shehadtotrustyoutobenicetoyou.Icouldn’tdecipherifshewasbeingnicetoCharlie

becauseshewantedCharlie’shelp,orifshesensedthatCharliewasgoodpeople.

Charlie’s hand went to Harlem’s thigh in what looked like a natural response to Harlem being so

closetoher.

“Howfaralongareyou?”

“I’llbefourmonthsnextweek.”

“Willyouknowwhatyou’rehavingnextweek?Orareyougoingtowaituntilheorshearrives?”

“I’mgoingtofindout.Idon’tthinkI’dbeabletowaitanylongerthanIabsolutelyhaveto.Areyou

hungry?”

What?Harlemwasofferingsomeoneherfood?Sheneverdidthat.TheonlyreasonIwasabletoeat

thewingswasbecausewe’dhadthesamefightovertheyears.Nowshedidn’tevenfightmeonit.She

justacceptedthefactthatIwasgoingtotakewhateverIwanted.FromwhoeverIwanted.

“I’mgood,sweetheart.”

Charliecrossedherlegsandtheactpulledherdressupslightly.Myeyesloweredandtookinthose

smoothbrownthighs.ThedesiretohavethemsqueezingmyneckasIdevouredhershotthroughmeso

deeplymydickhardened.ShesatbackinherseatandputherarmbehindHarlem.Justgettingcompletely

comfortable. And that was the sexiest shit I’d ever seen in my life. She looked like she belonged here.

Maybeshedid.

“Sotellmewhatyouneedfromme,Harlem.”

Harlemsmiledasshewipedhermouthandshrugged.

“Idon’tknow.IguessIneedyoutolike…helpmewitheverything.Mymompassedandmysister

livesinanotherstate,soit’sreallyjustmeandKnight,andasyousawinthestorewedon’talwaysget

along.”

Charlie’s face softened when Harlem mentioned mama being gone, but she smiled when Harlem

mentionedtheotherday.SheshotmeaquicklookbeforereturningherattentiontoHarlem.

“I’msosorrytohearaboutyourmom.Ican’timaginehowhardthatisonyoutobesoyoung.You

don’thavetoworry;I’llbewithyoueverystepoftheway.Shopping,decorating,advice,appointments…

whateveryouneedIgotyou.”

Harlemnoddedandreturnedtoherwingsasifthatwasallsheneededtoheartobesatisfied.

“Sofivethousand?”IaskedpullingCharlie’seyestomine.

Shelookedasifshewantedtosayno,butnodded.

“IsthatOK?”

“Perfectlyfine.Whencanyoustart?”

“Iusuallydon’tstartuntilmyclientsarefivemonths.ItgivesthemtimetoadjustbeforeIbargein.

And it allows them to try and handle everything on their own for a little while before I help. Kind of

makesthem…”

“Putsomerespeckonyoname,”Harlemmutteredwithamouthfulloffood.

Charliegiggledwithanod.

“Exactly.”

“That’scool.Doyouhavethecontractor…”

“I’ll work it up when I get home and send it to you. I’ll need your email address. After you sign

you’llbedirectedtoalinktopayatleasthalfofmytotalasyourdeposit.”

Inodded,butplannedonpayingthewholethinginfull.

“Cool.NowthatIhaveyournumberI’lllockitinandtextyoumyemailaddress.”

“That’llwork.Doyouguyshaveanyquestions?”

“Nope.Yourwebsitewasverywelllaidout.AnythingIhadtoaskwasansweredonit.”

“Good.Well,ifyoudohaveanyquestionsfeelfreetocallme.ThecontractwillincludethedatesI’ll

bearoundtohelp,myavailability,andwhat’sincludedinyourcontract.Ifyouhaveanyquestionsasyou

gooveritdonothesitatetoreachouttome,”Charliepulledacoupleofpapersandbrochuresoutofher

bag.“TheseareforyouguystolookoverbetweennowandwhenIstart.”

Shestoodtoleave,andIfoundmyselfwantinghertostay.

“I’m gonna get out of you guys’ way. I’m sure you have something planned to do on this beautiful

Saturday.Evenifit’sjusttochill.”

ShesqueezedHarlem’sshouldersoftly,andHarlemblewheranairkiss.

“Actually,Iplannedongoingoutwithmybestfriend,butI’msureKnightdoesn’thave…”

“Harlem,”Iwarned.Ididn’tknowwhatthehellhadgottenintoher.Usuallyshehatedmeinteracting

withawomanaroundher.ShewaspracticallythrowingmeatCharlietoday.“I’llwalkyouout,Charlie,”

Icontinued.

“Cool.Seeyou,Harlem.”

“Bye!”

IlookedbackatHarlemasCharlieandIwalkedtothefrontdoor.Shestuckhertongueoutatme,

thenhoppedontheothersideofthecouchwhenIgrabbedapillowandthrewitather.Charliewasclose

asIopenedthedoor,andtheheightdifferencewasapparent.Ilookeddownatherandshelookedupat

mewithasoftsmile.

I’veneverknownanyoneinmylifetosmileasmuchasshedoes.Ascrazyasmylifehasbeen,it’s

honestly refreshing, but I didn’t need refreshing. Not while I was trying to stay committed to my fast. I

didn’tneedthatbeautiful,brightsmileshiningintomysoullikealightindarkness.

“Harlemisspecial,”shealmostwhispered.“There’ssomethingwithinherthat’sgoingtochangethe

world,Knight.Ican’ttellyouwhatitisandhowIknow,butIfeelit.Protectherpurpose.Don’tletthis

pregnancyruinher.”

BeforeIcouldstopmyselfItookherlefthandintomine.Shelookeddownatitintently.Likeshewas

tryingtofiguresomethingout.Charlieliftedourhandsandgotacloserlookatmine.

“Yourhands…”sheshookherheadandchewedontheinsideofhercheekashereyebrowswrinkled.

“You have the most perfect hands. They’re big like they could protect, but smooth like they could

cherish.”

Herrighthandwentontopofmyhandassheusedtheleftonetokeepitsecured.Asshestudiedmy

handIstudiedher.Feelingyetanotherpieceofmystrengthturnflaccid.

“Isthatabeautymark?”herpointingfingerranacrossthemoleasIcalleditonmymiddlefinger.She

lookedupatmeandhereyesgrewwideasshepulledherhandsawayandputsomespacebetweenus.

“I’msosorry.Thatwasextremelyweirdofmeandunprofessional.”

Sheopenedthedoorandsteppedout.

“Charlie…”

“I’llsendyouthecontractbeforefivethisevening.Enjoytherestofyourday.”

“Char–”

Herbackturnedtomeasshedamnnearflewtohercar.Iwaiteduntilshewasinsideandbackingout

ofthedrivewaytoclosethedoor.

CharlieWhitewasgoodformywearysoul.CharlieWhitewasbadforme.

Knight:[e-mail]

Knight:Itwasn’tweirdbytheway.Maybealittleweird.Butcute.

I’drereadKnight’stextmessagessomanytimessincehesentthemyesterdayitwasridiculous!Even

nowasIwaitedformymomtomeetmeforlunchonmybreakIwasstaringatthetexts.Shewaslate,and

IwastakingfulladvantageofbeingalonebyrereadingKnight’stextmessages.

He was so handsome. So handsome. And sweet. And protective. And caring. But there was

somethingabouthimthattoldmetostayaway.Somethingthatsaidhewasn’tasgoodasheseemed.

Maybehewas.

Maybehewasthebadboythatknewhowtobeagoodmantohiswoman.

Buthejustwasn’tthebadboyforme.

Isentmymomatextaskingwhereshewasbeforesittingmyphonedownandlookingoverthemenu

yetagain.ThiswasoneofthethingsIlovedaboutworkingatBundled.

I could take an hour or two for lunch and not have to worry about anyone bothering me about it. I

prettymuchrantheplace.Lindawasthegeneralmanager,butIwastheonethatwasincontrol.Withme

having that position, I never wanted it. I never wanted to be assistant or general manager; it just made

senseformetobepromotedbecauseIwasdoingallthework.

IrefusedtodoalltheworkwithoutthepaysoItookthemanagementposition,butinallhonesty…I

wassoreadytoquit.Myphonevibrated,butIwassurprisedtoseeKnight’snameandatextmessage.

Knight:I’matthegym.Areyouok?

Confusedastowhyhewastextingme,Iscrolledupandalmostthrewmyheartup.Iwassowrapped

upinreadinghistextsthatIsentthetexttohiminsteadofmymom!

HowinthehellwasIsupposedtoexplainthatwithoutlookingcrazierthanIprobablyalreadydid?

BeforeIcouldtextback,Knightwascallingme.Ijumpedinmyseatandthrewmyphoneontothe

tablesoftlybeforedecliningthecall.WhywouldIdeclinethecall?I’djustfreakingtextedhim!Uh!

Withadeepbreath,Ipickedmyphoneupandcalledhimback.

“Charlie?”

God, his voice. His voice was so smooth and decadent. How could a voice be decadent? I don’t

know but his was. His voice was as decadent as a German chocolate cake. Rich. Deep. Dark. Sweet.

Heavenly.Just…good.

“Charlie?”

“Huh?Hi.”

“AreyouOK?”

“I’mgood.Imeanttotextmymomandsentittoyou.Mybad.”

“Sothatmeanseitheryouwerereadingmytextmessagesoryouwereabouttotextme.Whichone

wasit?”

MymouthdroppedinsurpriseasIpushedandpulledmynapkinbackandforthonthetablewiththe

tipsofmyfingers.

“Whatmakesyouthinkeitherofthosearethecase?”

“Whatotherreasonwouldyouhavetobeinmytextthread,Charlie?Youwantedtotalktome.You

werethinkingaboutme.Justadmitit.”

“Fine.”

“Sayit.”

“Iwillnot.”

“Whynot?”

Whynot?MaybebecauseIdidn’twanttoadmitit.Ididn’tevenwanttoadmitthatIdidn’twantto

admitit!

“Knight…”

“I’vebeenthinkingaboutyoutoo.I’vebeenwantingtotalktoyoutoo.Doesthathelp?”

“Yes,”IalmostwhisperedasIclosedmyeyesandpulledinadeepbreath.

“Ieasedyourmind.Easemine.”

“IwasreadingyourtextswhileIwaitedformymom.Ihavebeenthinkingaboutyouandwantingto

talktoyou.”

“Ididn’tevensendyouanythingworthsaving.Icanchangethatrightnow,though.”

“Knight…that’sreallynotnecessary,”hedidn’tanswerme.“Knight…”

“Holdon.I’mtextingyou.”

“Knight…”

Secondspassedbeforeheanswered,andwhenhedidmyphonechimedbecauseofhisincomingtext.

“Yea?”

“Didyoureallyjusttextme?”

“Isuredid,”IgiggledasIcrossedmylegsandshookmyhead.“Yousaidyou’rewaitingforyour

mom?”

“Yea,she’smeetingmewhileI’monmylunchbreak.”

“Andwhatareyoudoingfordinner?”

“Eh…oh…um…”

“Don’tworry,Charlie.I’mnotaskingyououtonadate.IfIaskyououtonadateitwillnotbeover

thephone.”

Ididn’tknowifIshould’vebeenoffendedorflattered,soIremainedsilentuntilIcaughtsightofmy

mom’scarpullingup.

“Mymomispullingup.”

“Cool.Talktoyoulater.”

“OK.Bye.”

HeendedthecallandIquicklypulledupthetexthe’dsent.

Knight:Youhaveabeautifulsoul.I’mlookingforwardtoexploringeverypartofyou.

Holdingasquealin,IpressedmythighstogethertightlyasItextedhimback.

Thatwassweet.Muchbetterthancallingmealittleweird.

Knight:Lol.Ilikeyourweirdness.It’srefreshing.Neverhideitfromme.Enjoyyourmom.You’llbehearingfrommesoon.

My mom kissed my temple before sitting across from me. Hearing from him soon? No. That’s not

howthisworks.Weweren’tsupposedtobecommunicating.Iwasn’tsupposedtohearfromhimunlessit

wasconcerningHarlem.Otherthanthat,wehadanentiremonthtogobeforeIstartedspendingtimewith

him.No.WithHarlem.TimewithHarlem.NotKnight.

“Wellwhohasyourattention?”mymompried,causingmetoputmyphonedownandgivehermy

attention.

“Nobody.Iwasjustthinkingaboutanewclient.Howareyou?”

“I’mgood.Haveyouorderedyet?”

“Notyet.Iwaswaitingforyou.”

Shenoddedandpickedhermenuup.

“I’massumingyouhaven’tquitorputinyourtwoweeks’noticehaveyou?”

WhydidIexpecthertowaitbeforediggingrightin?

“No,Ma.Ihaven’tdoneeitheryet.”

Sheputhermenudownandlookedatme.

“Whynot,Lie?Yourbusinessisdoinggreat.Imaginehowgreatitcouldbedoingifyouwereableto

focusonitfulltime.YoualreadybringinmorefromthatthanyoudoatBundled.Youcanmakewhatyou

makeatBundledinonemonthononeclientwithyourbusiness.Whatareyouwaitingfor,baby?”

“Ijustfeelbad.Theyneedme…”

HerheadshookadamantlyandIstoppedtalking.

“Don’tgothere.Youarereplaceable.You’reagreatworker,thebestI’msurethey’veeverhad.You

giveyoureverythingatBundled.Youputyourheartintothatstorelikeit’syourbusiness,butit’snot.Your

business is suffering because you’re devoting so much of your time putting money in someone else’s

pocket.

If I taught you all anything it was the importance of being your own person. Being your own boss.

Yoursiblingstooktheleapandstartedtheirownbusinesses.YourfatherandIhaveourownbusinesses.

You’rethemostcreativeoutofusall.Youreadpeoplewell.Theyclingtoyou.

Youhavethekindofspiritthatmakespeoplefeelsafeandcomfortable.There’snodoubtinmymind

that anything you set your mind to you can conquer. What are you waiting for? Don’t let having a good

heartmakeyoustagnant.Yourpositionthereisn’tguaranteed,andtobehonest,yourpurposeisn’teither;

not if you don’t step fully into your destiny. Stop walking around with that letter of resignation in your

purse.Turnitin.”

Endingtheconversation,shepickeduphermenuandmadesureIcouldn’tseeherfacebehindit.

“Linda,canItalktoyou?”IaskedassoonasIwalkedbackintoBundled.

Ididn’twaitforhertoanswerasImademywaystraighttothebackofthestoreandintoheroffice.

IfIwasgoingtoquitithadtobenow.NowwhileIhadthedesireandcouragetoquit.Afterlettingmyself

insideofheroffice,Isatdownandreplayedasmuchofmymother’swordsoverinmyheadasIcould.

She was right – my family hustled. We all had hustler spirits. We never expected anything to be

handedtous.Weunderstoodthatanythingwewantedwehadtogooutandget.Iguessthat’swhypeople

likeBiancairritatedmesomuch.

LindacameintoherofficeandIwassittingtherewithmyhandstogetherinmylap.Myusualsmile

wasgone.IneededhertoknowthatImeantbusinessandwouldn’tfold.Nomatterhowhardshemade

leavingforme.

“What’swrong,lady?”

Herhandcuppedmyshoulderasshelookeddownatmewithafacefullofconcern.

“Please,sit,Linda,”insteadofsittingacrossfrommeshesatnexttome.“Linda…”

I pulled my two weeks’ notice out of my purse and handed it to her. Linda read over it, her facial

expressionchangingaboutfourtimesbeforeshefinished.Sheplacedtheletterinherlap,letoutasigh,

andranherhanddownherface.

“Charlie,youknowhowimportantyouaretothiscompany,butIwon’ttrytoguiltyouintostaying.I

knowthatyourbusinessisdoingwell.Idon’tfaultyouatallforwantingtogofulltime.I’mgoingtomiss

you around here like hell and you and your work ethic will definitely be missed, but you have my full

support.”

My mouth opened slightly in shock. I was expecting more of a fight from her, but I would most

certainlytakethis.

“Wow.OK.Thatwaseasy.”

“Iknowyou’vebeenwantingtoquitforawhile.Iheardyougoingoveryourspeechtheotherdayin

myoffice,nottomentionthefactthatyoudoodledIcan’twaittoquitonanapkinlikeamilliontimestwo

weeks ago and missed the garbage can when you threw it away. I’ve been preparing myself for you to

leave.”

Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.Ofcoursemyuncoordinatedbehindmissedthetrashcan.

“Thankyouforbeingsounderstanding,Linda.Thiswasaveryhardthingformetodo,butIknow

it’sforthebest.”

“Iagree.You’refamilyhere,andweallwanttoseefamilysucceed.AnythingyouneedI’mhere,and

feelfreetoleaveyourflyersandpackagesheetshere.We’llcontinuetosupportyou.”

“Thankyou.Iappreciatethat.”

Shepulledmeinforahugandwewentbackouttothefloor,andIcan’tevenlie…Ifeltathousand

poundslighter.

Eversincemymompassed,I’vebeenmakingdonationstoFullerhospitalonherbehalf.Shedidn’t

trustmyfathertodorightbythemoney,sothatwastheonlythingsheaskedmetodoinherwill.Every

yearatthestartoftheircharityweekIwassupposedtodonatetenthousanddollarsuntilthemoneyran

out.EvenwhenthemoneysheputasideinherinsurancepolicyranoutI’dcontinuetohonorherrequest

withmymoney.

Thisyearherdoctor,DoctorMyers,threwsomesaltinthegame.WhenIvisitedhimtogivehimthe

checkheaskedmetobemorehandsonwiththehelpthisyear.Itriedtotalkmyselfoutofitbytellinghim

thatI’dmuchratherbeasponsoranddonatorandnotavolunteerforanyoftheactualevents,buthegave

mealong,dramaticspillabouthowhimandtherestoftheboardmemberswouldgreatlyappreciatemy

service.

So here I am – wasting a perfectly good Wednesday morning in a room full of people that I don’t

knoworcaretoknowwaitingforDoctorMyersandwhoeverelsetocomeinhereandtellmewhatthey

needfromme.Ignoringthesmalltalkgoingonaroundme,IsentCarmenan8ballrequestasIheardthe

dooropenandclose.Ihadnointentionsoflookinguptoseewhoitwasuntilherscenthitmynose.

Charlie.

Ilookedupfrommyphoneandsureenough,itwasthebeauty.Shelookedbeautifulasalways.Her

eyesscannedtheroombrieflybeforelandingonmine,andwhentheydidshesmiledwidelyandlookedat

the seat next to me. Like I’d want her to sit anywhere else. I patted the seat and she hung her head to

concealhersmileasshecameandsatnexttome.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iaskedasshepulledherpursefromhershoulderandsatitonthefloor

infrontofherlegs.

ThatwasthefirsttimeI’dreallypaidanyattentiontothetattooonherwrist.Itlookedlikethreesets

ofnumbers.

“IwassummonedbyDr.Berry.Whataboutyou?”

“Dr.Myers.”

“Thismustbeyourfirstyearparticipating?Idon’trememberseeingyouatanyoftheeventsinthe

past.”

“Yea.UsuallyIjustwriteacheckandthat’saboutit.”

“How’sHarlem?”

“She’sgood.Howareyou?”

“Iguessthatwaskindofrude,huh?”shegiggledandfluffedherhair.“Howareyoutoo?”

“I’mgood,Charlie.”

“Metoo.”

IshookmyheadandsmiledasIlookedatthemoveCarmenmadeinpoker.AftermakingmymoveI

putmyphoneinmylapandlookedCharlieover.Ididn’trealizehowdeepI’dgotteninmystareuntilshe

lookedatmeandsmiled.

“Youstareatmealot,”sheobserved.

“Doesthatbotheryou?”

Herlegscrossedandsheloweredherheadassheplayedwiththestrapofhersandal.

“Notnecessarily,”hereyesreturnedtomineasshelickedherlips.“I’mjustnotusedtoit.”

“You’renotusedtoamanstaringatyou?Ifindthathardtobelieve,Charlie.”

Hersmall,delicatehandsqueezedmyforearmasshesmiledandmadenoefforttoremoveit.AndI

wasgladshedidn’t.

“Theydo,but…it’sjustdifferentwithyou.”

“Howso?”

Shepulledherhandbacktoherselfandsighed.

“When they look at me it’s like they’re just… looking at me, but when you look at me… it feels

like…”shepausedandtiltedherheadasshelookedintomyeyes.“Likeyou’relookingthroughme.In

me.Why?”

I didn’t answer her right away. I wanted to give myself time to answer her question right. The last

thingIwantedtodowasflytoodeepbecauseofmyfast.Ididn’twanthertothinkthattherewasachance

forsomethingtopopoffbetweenuswhentherewasn’t,butIwantedtobeashonestandopenwithheras

Ipossiblycould.

“There'ssomethingaboutyouthatIknow.Somethingthat'sfamiliaryetnew.Ican'texplainitIjust...

there's something about you that I feel attached to. So yea, I stare at you because you're beautiful, but I

guessI'malsotryingtofigureoutwhatitisaboutyouthat...”

IshookmyheadasIscratchedthetopofit.HowcouldIexplainsomethingtoherthatIhadn’teven

figuredoutmyself?

“MaybeIjusthaveacommonface,”shereasonedwithashrug.

“There’snothingaboutyourfacethat’scommon,Charlie,”Charlieblushedandcoveredherfacewith

herhands.Itookherbythewristandpulledherlefthanddown.

“What’sthistattooabout?”

Now that I was looking closely I could see that it was three dates. She ran her fingers across the

dates and sighed as the door opened. Doctor Myers along with three other doctors that I didn’t know

walkedin.

“Sosorrytokeepyouguyswaiting.Forthoseofyouwhodon’tknowme,I’mDr.Berry.You’rehere

becauseyouallhaveagreedtohelpuswiththecharityeventscominguplaterthissummer.We’rehoping

tohaveallofthedetailsworkedoutbytheendofthismonthwithyourhelpsowecanstartpromotingand

networkingatthestartofnextmonth.Ideallywe’dliketohaveourcharityweekthelastweekofMay.

Todayisallaboutbrainstorming.Anyfreshandnewfundraisingideasthatyouallcancomeupwithwill

begreatlyappreciated.Ihavetostepout,butIjustwantedtothankyouallandletyouknowthatyouare

greatlyappreciated.”

DoctorBerrytippedhishead,thenlockedeyeswithCharlie.Shewavedandhesmiledashereturned

thegesture.Helookedatmeandhissmilefell,buthequicklyrecoveredandlefttheroom.

IwasnotexpectingtoseeKnightatthisvolunteermeeting,butthesightofhimwasaverypleasant

surprise.Knightwasdifferent.Hemadenoefforttotryandhidehisattractiontome,buthedidn’tacton

itinanyway.

Sofarinour30-minutemeetingwe’ddecidedthatAlvinwasoverentertainment.Crystalwasover

the food. Tracy and Olivia were over raffles, networking, and taking care of reservations, tickets, and

everythinglikethat.Derrickwasthetreasurer.Theonlypeoplewhodidn’thaveanyresponsibilitiesyet

wereKnightandI,whichmeantwewereovercomingupwiththenightlyevents.

HeandIhadmovedtoatableinthebackoftheconferenceroomandhadapieceofpaperbetween

us.Wewerecloseforwhateverreason,andeverytimehespokethesmellofthemintonhisbreathand

movementofhislipsmademewanttokisshim.

Weneededtocomeupwiththislistofeventsquick!

“I think we definitely should have at least two sporting events,” Knight suggested. “Most of the

sponsorsovertheyearshavebeenoldwhitemen.Ithinkweshouldhaveagolftournamentforthem,and

abasketballgamefortheyoungermen.Wecanchargetoplayandattendtheevents.Andthroughouttake

moredonations.Maybehaveasetpricethatthewinnerswillhavetopayandtheloserswillhavetopay

attheend.”

“That’sareallygoodidea.”

I wrote his ideas down and bit my bottom lip to conceal my smile as I looked back at him. “Two

downthreemoretogo,”withthepenonmycheekIlookedtowardstheceilinginthought,buttherewas

noavoidingthewayhiseyesroamedmyface,neck,andchest.Self-consciously,Igrabbedthecollarof

myshirtasIlookedathimagain.Ihatedforanyonetoseemyscar;especiallymen.That’swhy90percent

oftheshirtsinmywardrobewerebuttondownsorshirtsthatcameuptomyneck.“Whatdoyouthink

aboutendingtheweekwithagala?Wecansellticketstoattend.Iwenttoafunctionlastyearthatsold

theirticketsforfivehundredeach.Eightforcouples.”

“That’sagoodidea.Giveabrothaachancetogetdapper.”

He popped his invisible collar and I laughed louder than I planned on. Eyes were on me as

conversations stopped, and before I could even say anything the look Knight gave them made them turn

awayfromus.Whenhisfacesoftenedhereturnedhisattentiontome.

“Thatwassocorny,Knight.Didyoureallyjustsaydapperandpopyourcollar?Whatyearisthis?

2000?”

“Whatever,Charlie.Justwritetheshitdown.”

HeputmyhandontopofthepaperandIlaughedagain;thistimeasquietlyasIpossiblycould.

“Maybewecouldalsohaveagamenight.Oh!OrCasinonight.Therewon’tbeachargetogetinthe

door,butinsteadofleavingwiththeirwinningseveryonewilldonatetheirwinningstothehospital.”

“Charlie,that’sadamngoodidea.Ihavenodoubtthatthat’sgoingtobethebiggestmoneymaker.

Gamblingisthequickestwaytospendmoneywithoutathought.That’sdefinitelyagoodidea.”

IblushedasIwroteitdown.

“OK,sonowweonlyneedonemoreevent.Anyideas?”

The sly smile that covered his face worried me. And when he didn’t let me in on what he was

thinkingrightawayIwasevenmorealarmed.

“Knight…”

“Hearmeoutbeforeyousayno.”

“…Oookay.”

“Ithinkweshoulddoanauction.”

Myskepticalfacemadehimchuckle.

“What’ssobadaboutthat?”

“Iwasthinkingwecouldauction…”helookedaroundtheroomandsmiled.“You.”

“What?Knight…”

Hishandcoveredmine,andtheactmademeshutupcompletely.

“You are the most beautiful being I’ve ever seen in my life. Not just physically, but your spirit is

beautiful,Charlie.Youhavethislovingandpositivevibethat’scontagious.Ifyouweretostandonstage

we’dmakemillions,beauty.”

Giving me time to register what he’d just said, Knight paused and rested more on the table. In this

positionwewerefacetofaceinsteadofsidebyside.Hisfacewaslessthansixinchesawayfrommine.I

couldliterallyfeeleveryslowbreathhetook.Fightingtheurgetorunmyfingersacrosshisface,Isaton

myfreehand.

Idon’tknowifhisplanwastodistractmeandmakemeagree,orifhehonestlyhadnoideawhat

beingthisclosetohimwasdoingtome,butwhateverthecase,Ididn’tplanonaskinghimtomoveback.

“ThisiswhatI’mthinking–insteadofhavingmultiplewomentobidontherewillonlybeone,”he

smiledandloweredhisheadbrieflybeforepullinghiseyesbacktomine.“Becausethere’sonlyoneyou.

Allofthebetswillbeacceptedanddonated,butonlythehighestbidderwillwinadatewithyou.”

Since he still had one hand covering mine on the table, I used the free one that I was sitting on to

scratchmyeyebrow.Iwasn’tinsecure…but…Imean…Ireallydidn’thavethetimetodate,butIalso

hadnodesire to date. The last time I went out and started to really like a guy he bruised my heart and

crushedmysoul.AfterthatIjust…investedmytimeandenergyinotherareasofmylife.

Ididn’twanttowastetimegettingtoknowaman,fallingforhim,exposingmyselftohim,andthen

dealingwithhisrejectionwhenhesawme.Reallysawme.Itwasjusteasiertonotdealwithmenatall.

Atleastonthatlevel.

“Knight,yousaidsomereally,reallysweetthings,but…honestlyI’mjustnotcomfortablewiththat.I

haven’tdatedinyearsandIkindofwanttokeepitlikethat.”

Theconfusionthatcoveredhisfacemademesmile.

“Youhaven’tgoneoutonadateinyears?”

“Nope. I have one nice guy friend that I hang out with from time to time. We’ve known each other

sincemiddleschool.Whenhe’ssingleandIneedmalecompanionshipwekickit,butthat’saboutit.”

“Whynot?”

“Whynotwhat?”

“Don’tyoudate?”

Notwantingtogointodetailaboutit,Ipulledmyhandfromunderhisandputthembothinmylap.

Sensingmyapprehension,henodded.

“OK.Wedon’thavetogothere.Doyoutrustme,Charlie?Iknowwehaven’tknowneachotherlong

bu–”

“Yes.”

Knight smiled softly as his palm cupped my cheek. His thumb caressed my cheek and I swear I

shiveredasmyeyesclosedandopened.

“If you trust me… trust that I won’t allow you to be put in a position that will make you

uncomfortable,norwillIallowyoutobewithamanthatwoulddoanythingtomakeyouuncomfortable

or feel disrespected or violated. Leave all of the details to me and I promise you’ll be at ease. Just

committothisforme.Oratleastcommittothinkingaboutit.Idon’twantyoutodoanythingyou’renot

comfortablewith.Youknowwhat,justforgetit.Wecandoasilentauctioninstead.”

Hesatrightinhisseatandstartedtowritethatonthelist,butIputmyhandoverhisandstoppedhim.

Iwasn’tcompletelysurehowthiswasgoingtoworkout,butIdidtrusthim,anditwasagoodidea,and

itwouldbenicetohavemenpineoverme,andyouknowwhat…fuckit.

“I’mdown.”

BeforeItookHarlemtothedoctorIwenttothegym.Thegoalwastoreleasethetensionandnervous

energybeforewegottothedoctor,butwhenwearrivedandshetoldmethatTagesaidhewasonhisway

Igotirritatedalloveragain.

IreachedouttohimandtoldhimthatIwantedtomeetwithhimandhisparents,andhetoldmethat

he’dstopby,buthedidn’twanthisparentstoknowaboutthebaby.AlthoughIrespectedhishonesty,I

couldn’trespecthisdecision,soItoldHarlemthathisassdidn’tneedtobeheretoday.

Ifhewasmanenoughtoplantthoseseedsheneededtobemanenoughtonotonlywaterandnurture

thembutacknowledgethemalso.Irefusedtoallowhimtogivemysisteranythinglessthantherespect

andsupportshedeserved.

WhenshetoldmethathewascomingIcouldn’tevenbemadathim.Iwasirritatedwithher.Iwas

irritatedwithherbecauseshewasstartingadangerouscycleoflettinghimdothisshithalfway.Ifhekept

herasecretfromhisparents,Ifiguredhe’dkeepherasecretfromothergirlstoo.ThenIstartedgetting

paranoidthinkingabouthermovinginwithhimandhimcheatingandlyingandbeingdisrespectfulandnot

bringinganythingtothetablebuthisdickandIjustwasabouttoflipthefuckout.

Sinceshehadn’tbeencalledbackyet,IsteppedoutsideandcalledCharlie.Ifiguredshemightbeat

work and wouldn’t answer, but I’d settle for hearing her voicemail. To my surprise and delight she

answered.

“Hi,”shespoke,andIcouldhearthesmileinhervoice.

“Youbusy?”

“Nah.”

“Youatwork?”

“Yes,butIcantalk.”

Leaningagainstthewall,Iscratchedthetopofmyheadandsighed.

“Herlittlefriendisonhiswayuphere.”

“Ithoughtyousaidhecouldn’tcome?”

“Idid.”

ShechuckledandthesoundofitmademesmileeventhoughIdidn’twantto.

“Areyougoingtobenice,Knight?OrdoIneedtocomeuptheretoplayreferee?”

“I’lltry,butIcan’tmakeanypromises.That’swhyIcalledyou.Youmakemefeelbetter.”

I’dsaiditbeforeIknewit,butIdidn’tregretit.Itwasthetruth.Shedidmakemefeelbetter.

“Ido?”

“Youdo.”

“Whatarewedoing,Knight?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Weshouldn’tbetalkingasmuchasweare.Thisisdangerous.”

“What’sdangerousaboutit,Charlie?”

Shesighedintothephone,givingmethetimetolockeyeswithayoungin’ashewalkedtowardsthe

office.HelookedlikeaTage.Long,curlyhairallonhisheadpulledupinabunlikeafemale.

“Charlie,Ithinkhe’shere.I’llcallyouback.”

Without waiting for her to OK that I disconnected the call and followed him into the office. Sure

enoughhemadehiswayovertoHarlem.Shelookedupathimandrolledhereyesbeforelookingtowards

thedoorforme.Imademywayovertothemandlookedfromhimtoher.

Harlem stood and stepped between us. She placed her hand on my stomach and pushed me back

slightly.

“Knight,thisisTage.Tage,thisisKnight.”

Iscratchedmyneckandlookedhimoverasheplacedhishandsinhispockets.

“Youtellyourparentsaboutmysisterandthebaby?”

“Uh,notyet.”

“Thenthere’snoreasonforyoutobehere.”

“Knight…”

IpulledHarlembehindmeandsteppedclosertohim.

“I’mnotgoingtoplaywithyou.Itoldyouwhatyouhadtodoifyouwantedtobeapartofthis.Until

youtellyourparentsthere’snopointofyoucomingaround.Youneedtoleave.”

“Knight!”Harlemgrabbedmyarmandturnedmetowardsher.“Hehasmoreofarighttobeherethan

you!Youcan’tmakehimleave!”

“Doyouhearyourself,Harlem?Thisniggaain’tclaimingyouorthiskid,butyouthinkI’maboutto

let him stick around to find out what you’re having? What I tell you about giving a nigga the world for

free?Hewillneverpayyouforit.Donotsettleforthis.Makehimearnhisplaceinyouandyourchild’s

life.”

“Idon’thavetimeforthisshit,”hemumbledashewalkedaway.“Callmewhenheain’taroundand

letmeknowwhat’sup,Harlem.”

Andwiththathewalkedoutoftheoffice.Sheputallofherstrengthintopunchingmychestbefore

pressingherfaceintoitandwrappingherarmsaroundmywaistasshecriedfrustratedtears.Iwrapped

myarmsaroundherandkissedthetopofherhead.

“It’sOK,sweetheart.Igotyou.”

“Ihateyousomuchforthat,Knight.Whydidn’tyoujustlethimstay?He’lltellthemeventually.I

wantmybabytohavebothparentsaround.It’sbadenoughthatwewon’tbeinthesamehouse.Iatleast

want him to be around,” she removed herself from my chest when the nurse called her name. Harlem

wipedherfaceandglaredatme.“Ireallydon’tlikeyourightnow,Knight.Whenweleavehere,youneed

togetmeCharlie.Idon’twantyoucomingtoanymoreappointments.Ican’tbelieveyoudidthattome.”

ShewalkedawayandIwastemptedtojustwaitforherinthecarsinceitwasobviousshedidn’t

wantmeinvolved,butIpromisedtobehereforher,soIsuckeditupandfollowedbehindher.

WithnoideaifCharliewasstillatworkornot,IlookedaroundtheparkinglotforhercarbeforeI

parked.WhenIfounditIparkednexttoitandwentintothestore.Shewasnowhereonthefloor,soIhad

oneofthecashierstocallher.Whenshecameoutandsawmeshesmiled.Itriedtoreturnit…butitwas

hard.

AsifsheknewIneededone,shewrappedherarmsaroundmyneckandpulledmeintoherforahug.

Herarmsstayedaroundmyneckforafewsecondsbeforeshedroppedthemtomywaistandpulledme

closer.HergrippingmeastightlyasIheldhermademegroanandrunmylipsagainstherneck.

Charlie shivered and grabbed two handfuls of my shirt before pulling away. She let me go, but I

didn’tletgoofher.NotuntilIlookeddownatherandherbeautyhadmydickgrowing.Ididn’twantthe

feelofittomakeheruncomfortable,soIreleasedherandtookastepback.

“So…howdiditgo?Iseverythingallright?”sheinquiredasshegrabbedmyhandandledmetothe

benchIsatonthefirsttimeIcamehere.

“She’s mad at me. She told me to do whatever it took to get you to start working with her now

becauseshedoesn’twantmeinvolvedanymoresinceImadehimleave.”

Herfacesoftenedasshegrabbedmyhandandpulleditintoherlap.

“She’llgetoverit.Itmaybeyearsfromnowbutshewill.Shedoesn’tunderstandthatyou’retrying

tomakehimmanupnow,butwhenshedoesIbetshe’llthankyouforit.”

“Will you start this month? I’m willing to pay whatever extra I have to. She has a tendency to run

awaywhenthingsaren’tgoingherwayandIdon’twantherdoingthatwhileshe’spregnant.”

“Sure.Andyoudon’thavetoworryaboutpayinganythingextra.I’llbedoneworkingheresoonso

I’llneedsomethingtodowithmyfreetime.”

“You’releaving?”

“Yep.Putinmytwoweeks’noticeafewdaysago.I’mgonnagofulltimewithmybusiness.”

“That’sgreat,beauty.I’mreallyproudofyou.I’msureyou’lldogreat.”

Sheblushedandheldmyhandalittletighter.

“Whatisshehaving?”

“Aboy.”

“Evenmorereasonforyoutowanthimtodoright,huh?”

“Exactly.”

“She’llcomearound.Don’tworryyourself.Iknowthat’seasierformetosaythanitisforyoutodo,

but…try.”

“Iwill.Idon’twanttoholdyou.Ijustwantedtostopbyandseeifyou’dstartearly.”

“Youdon’thavetorushout.I’monmylunchbreak.”

“Haveyoueatenanything?”

“No.Notyet.”

“Thenlet’sgrabsomething.”

“Knight…”

“It’snotadate.Trustme,that’sthelastthingonmylistofprioritiesrightnowtoo.”

Shethoughtaboutitforafewsecondsthenagreed.

“Cool.Letmegrabmypurse,thenwecanheadout.”

Inoddedandwatchedherassasshewalkedaway.Thatwasthetruth;Iwasn’tlookingtodateorbe

inarelationshiprightnow.Myfastwasstillintact.Ijust…wantedtospendeverypossiblemomentthatI

couldwithher.

Today was my first day working with Harlem, and it caught me totally and completely by surprise

whenshewassittingoutsideontheporchwaitingforme.Yea,IknewherandKnightwerehavingalittle

staticbetweenthetwoofthem,butIthoughtthey’dbeoveritbynow.Herdoctor’sappointmenthadbeen

threedaysago.Idefinitelywasn’texpectingthemtostillbeatodds.

Therewasnoneedformetocutmycaroffbecauseassoonasshemepullingintothedrivewayshe

stood and started walking towards the car. When she got in she leaned over the middle console and

huggedmyneck–surprisingtheheckoutofme!

“Hey,Charlie,”shemutteredasshesatbackinherseatandputonherseatbelt.

“Hey,sweetheart.What’swrong?”

Herheadshookatthesametimeherbottomlippokedout.

“DoyoumindifIgospeaktoKnightbeforeweleave?”

Her head shook again. I got out and walked up to the front door. Since it was still open I knocked

softlythensteppedinside.

“Knight?”Idon’tknowwhyIevencalledoutforhim.AsquietlyasIdidithewouldn’tbeableto

hearme.“Knight?”IrepeatedalittlelouderasIwalkeddownthehallway.

Knight was sitting in the middle of his couch. Elbows on his thighs. Face in his palms. Something

musthavehappenedtoday.Withsmall,softstepsIwalkeduntilIwasstandinginfrontofhim.Hedidn’t

lookup,butheknewIwastherebecauseheinhaleddeeplyandacknowledged…

“Youalwayssmellsogood,”beforewrappinghisarmsaroundmywaist,pullingmeevencloser,and

restinghisheadonmybreasts.

Theactmademelockupimmediatelyoutoffearofhimfeelingmyscar,butIputmyownfeelings

asidetotendtohis.

“What’swrong,Knight?”

Withnoanswerfromhim,Igotonmykneesbeforehim.Myhandswenttohisthighsashetriedto

avoidmyeyes.Thatdidn’tlastverylong.ForthefirsttimesinceI’dknownhim,myhairwaspulledback

intoaponytail,sohehadaverygoodlookatmyfacetoday.

Knightsmiledandranhispointingfingeracrossmycheek.

“Andyou’resofuckingbeautiful.”

Iblushedandsqueezedhisthighs.

“Ididnotcomeinheretobecomplimented.Icameinheretocheckonyou.Whathappened?”

“Nothing.ShejustmadeitveryclearthatIwasn’tallowedtobeinvolvedtodaylikethepettybetty

thatsheis,andItoldherthatPagecouldn’tbeinvolvedeither,andthatturnedintoanotherbackandforth

matchthatIdon’tevendo.Thenshewentoutsidetowaitforyou.”

“HisnameisTage,Knight.Youknowthat.”

He smiled and ran his middle finger down my neck. If the chills weren’t enough to make me pull

away,thesightofthedesireinhiseyeswas…butforsomereason…Icouldn’tmove.

“Ireallyneedyoutogetoffyourknees,Charlie.”

“Why?”

Knight’sheadshookashiseyesloweredtomybreasts,andbeforeIknewithishandswerecupping

myfaceandhislipswerealmostonmine.Asmuch…andtrustme…Iwantedtokisshimalot…butas

muchasIwantedtokisshim…Ijustcouldn’t.Igotallweirdaboutitasusualandscootedawayfrom

himonmypalmsandfeet.

“I’msorry,”hemumbledrunninghishandoverhisfaceasheloweredit.

“Noit’sfineit’sjust…kissesleadtotouchingandtouchingleadsto…youknow…”

“Sex?”

Inoddedandsatflatonthefloor.

“Iwasn’tthinkingaboutsex,Charlie.Notrightnowanyway.”

“Butyouhave?”

“How could I not? You’re beautiful and I adore you. I just… I’m feeling like shit and needed… I

don’tknow.”

“Youadoreme?”

Hiseyesreturnedtomine.

“Iadoreyou,”assoonasIopenedmymouthtorespondhecutmeoff.“Youshouldgo.She’swaiting

foryouand…Idon’twanttoturnthisintosomethingit’snot.”

“Areyoudismissingme?”

Knightstoodandheadedforthekitchen.Whenhemadeitnexttomehelookeddownandsaid,“I’m

notdismissingyou,I’mprotectingyou.”

“Protectingmefromwhat?”

“Me.”

“Butwhatdoesthatmean?”

“Justgo,Charlie.”

Istoodandfollowedhimintothekitchen.MyhandwentintohisasIturnedhimtofaceme.Onthe

tipsofmytoesIkissedhisforehead.Botheyes.Hisnose.Bothcheeks.Thecornersofhismouth.Icould

tellhewantedtowraphisarmsaroundmeandkeepmeclosebecausehisarmswentfromthesidesof

him,tobehindhisback,andendedwithhishandsontopofhishead.

“Iknowthat’sprobablynotthekissyouwantedbut…Ihopeitmakesyoufeelatleastalittlebetter.”

Heputsomespacebetweenusandturnedtotheside.

“Itwasperfect.Go.”

Theridetothestorewassilent.AllIcoulddowasthinkaboutKnightandwhathesaid.Thathewas

protecting me from him. What the hell did that even mean? What could he possibly need to protect me

fromwithinhim?Shoulditevenmatter?Ishouldjust…takethatwarningandthatprotectionandjust…

stayaway.

Harlemstartedtoloosenupwhenwestartedshopping.EverythingshewantedImadealistofand

preorderedit.IgaveBreaalittlecutofmyprofitforfillingmyordersformewhenshegotoffwork.AllI

wouldhavetodoispickeverythingupinthemorningwhenthestoreopenedandsetitupforHarlem.

After shopping at Bundled we went to Babies R Us and this cute little boutique just outside of

Memphis that I absolutely love! They have the cutest nursery furniture! She wanted his approval. We

ended up having to wait a few minutes just for him to OK her choices before we could even place the

order.

Ithoughtshe’dbetiredandreadytogohomeafterthat,butshewantedtostopforlunch,sowewent

toO’Charley’stogrababitetoeatbeforeItookherhome.Harlemintriguedme.Fromherlooks,toher

spunkylittleattitude,andherhungerforindependencenomatterhowdependentlifeorheractionsmade

her. I wanted to know about her, but I didn’t want to be all up in her business, so I tried to make the

conversationaslightasIpossiblycould.

“Sooootellmeaboutyou,Harlem.”

She stopped buttering her roll long enough to look at me and smile softly before returning her

attentiontoit.

“Um,there’snotmuchtotell.I’m16andpregnant.IgotoKirbyHighSchool.I’mtheyoungestinmy

family,”hersmilestartedtofade.“MymomdiedwhenIwassix.Afterthattherestofmyfamilykindof

just…fellapart,”hersmilewascompletelygone.“YouknowaboutmybrotherKnight,andwealsohave

asister.Carmen.”

“IknowthatKnighttravelsalotbecauseofhisjob.Howdoesthatworkwithyoulivingwithhim?”

“Well,Idon’treallylivewithhim.IguessIdonow.Idon’tthinkhe’sgoingtoletmegoanywhere

anytimesoon,”hersmilereturned.“Iwasstayingwithmydad,butwhenItoldhimthatIwaspregnanthe

basicallytoldmeifIwantedtostayIhadtohaveanabortion,soIleft.IcalledKnightandhecamehome

andI’vebeenwithhimeversince.”

“Andyousaidyoursisterdoesn’tliveinMemphis?”

Harlemshookherheadasshechewedapieceofherbread.

“No.ShemovedtoAtlantaforcollegeandnevercameback.Idon’tblameherbecauseIwantedto

dothesamething,butitdoesn’tlooklikeI’llbeableto,”sheputtherolldownandplacedherhandson

thesidesofherplate.

“IknowitprobablylookslikeI’mungratefulanddifficultfornoreason.IknowIprobablylook…

becauseKnightisdoingsomuchforme.Hepaidforyou.Payingforallofmybaby’sstuff.Lettingme

staywithhim.

AndIlovehimandappreciatehimIreallydoit’sjust…Ihatethathethinkshecanjustcomebackto

Memphis during his off season and control my life. Like… I’ve been raising myself practically since

mommadied.Daddyain’tdoshitformebutkeeparoofovermyheadandtakecareofmynecessities.I

dideverythingelse.

I taught myself how to cook. I washed my hair and braided it into pigtails until I was taught by

Princess’smotherhowtodomore.Icleanedthehouseanddidmylaundry.Iwasdoingthatshitateight.

Yea,Ifuckedupandgotpregnant,butitwasn’tbecauseI’vebeenoutherelivingrecklesseverydayofmy

life.

Islippeduponetimeonetimeand…andhethinkshecanjustcomeinandtakecontrolanditjust

irritatesme.Itmakesmewanttodotheoppositeofwhateverhesays.”

Her elbows went to the table and she palmed her face. I remained silent for a good little while to

makesureshewasdonebeforeIspoke.

“Iknowyoulovehim.Iknowyouappreciatehim.ButI’msureitwouldmakehimfeelbettertohear

yousayit.Weneedtofigureouthowtomakethiswork.Helovesyou,Harlem,andheonlywantswhat’s

bestforyouandthebaby.Woulditmakeiteasierforyoutodoashesaidifhedidn’ttrytoforceyouto?

Ifhemaybesuggestedthingstoyouinsteadofpresentingthemasdemands?”

Shescratchedherheadwithonehandandrubbedhereyewiththeother.

“Yes.Ialwayslistentohim.I’dlistennowifhewasjustniceraboutit.”

“Ithinkthat’sunderstandable.Youareaminorlivinginhishome,butyou’reabouttobeamomtoo.

Sohehastofindthatbalanceofprotectingyouandtakingcareofyoulikehewantsto,butgivingyouthe

space to take care of yourself and the baby. Why don’t you just tell him everything that you told me? I

thinkhe’llunderstand.”

“What’supwithyoutwo?”

“What’supwithwhotwo?”

Harlemsmiledandpickedherrollbackup.

“YouandKnight,Charlie.Don’tplay.”

Ieyedourwaitressasshemadeherwayovertoustotakeourorder.Seeinghergavemetheperfect

excusetonotanswerHarlemrightaway.Quitefrankly,Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Weplacedourorders–

lowcountryshrimpformeandchickentendersforher–thenthewaitressleftandHarlem’sattentionwas

backonme.

“There’snothingupwithus.Why?Didhesaytherewassomethingupwithus?”

“Hedoesn’thaveto.Iknowthereis.”

“Howdoyouknow?”

“Bythewayhelooksatyou,”shesatupinherseatandleanedintothetable,causingmetodothe

same. As if she was about to whisper a secret to me that no one else was allowed to hear. “We all

handled losing my mother in different ways. Carmen left. I rebel. My daddy and Knight they both shut

down.

Daddyshutdownwitheveryone,butKnightreallyjustdoesn’tletanyonenewin.Iguesshedoesn’t

wanttoloseanyoneelsethatheloves.Hekeepshisfamilycloseenoughtomakesurewe’restraight…

butit’slike…he’sdetachedhimselfenoughtonotbetoobotheredifhelostus.

Idon’tknow.Ican’texplainit.It’slike…he’llbemessedupifanythinghappenstous,butit’slike

heexpectstoloseus.Iguesshe’spreparedforlostnow.Idon’tknow.Buthedoesn’tgettoknownew

peopleandhereallydoesn’tcommittowomen.

Nowdon’tgetmewrong,hedatesalotofthem,andI’vedisapprovedofeveryonethatI’veknownof

butyou…Ijustseeitinthewayhelooksatyou.Helikesyou.Andthat’ssayingalot.There’ssomething

aboutyouthat’sjust…sofamiliarandnecessary.Makesusfeelcomfortable.

Knight doesn’t like to feel. That’s what it is. He doesn’t like to feel. Losing momma made him not

wanttoloveandfeel.Butsinceyou’vebeenaroundIcantellhe’spullingoutofthat.Youmakehimfeel.

Yougivehimsomethinghecanfeel.Heneedsthat.Heneedsyou.Webothdo.”

Speechless.That’swhatIwas.Speechless.IpickeduparollandbitintoitbecauseIhadabsolutely

nothingtosay.

HadIknowninvitingafewofmyoldhomiesandsomeoftheplayersfromtheteamwasgoingtoturn

intosuchahugegatheringinthemiddleofthedayIwouldn’thaveinvitedthem.Itwasmyintentionto

invite the team and my friends to get them to participate in the charity basketball game and golf

tournament.

WeallmetatRoman’sLoungeforadrinkatthebar,andaftertheyallfinishedcallingtheirpeopleto

come out the lounge was full and they were straight up going live and getting full of it like it was a

Saturdaynight.Itwascool,butthatwasn’tmysceneanymore.EvenwhenIwentoutwiththeteamwhen

wewereontheroadI’dalwayshavemyownlittlesectioninthebackofVIPwhereIcouldchill,butas

longastheydidn’texpectmetocoverthetabwewouldn’thaveanyproblems.

IwasattheleftendofthebartalkingtotwoofthementhatIknewforsurewouldparticipatewhen

ourwaitresscameoveryetagaintocheckonus.I’veneverbeenthetypetojudge,butIcouldtelljustby

thewayshewasdressedthatsheusedherplaceofemploymentasameanstomeetmen.Menshethought

couldbenefitherfinanciallyorsexually.

When I first got here she immediately hopped on me, but when the team started floating in her

attentionwentelsewhere.EithertheytoldherthattheywerehereformeandshethoughtIhadmoney,or

shewasn’tgettingtheplayshethoughtshewouldbecauseshewasreturningherattentiontome.

Insteadofkeepingsomedistancebetweenuswhensheasked,shesqueezedinbetweenEdwardandI

andmadesureherbodywasasclosetomineasshecouldpossiblygetit.Therewasnowayformeto

avoidbrushingupagainstherwhenIturnedtofaceher,andthemomentIdidshesmiled.

“Iwasjustmakingsureyoudidn’tneedanythingelsefromme,otherwiseIwasgoingtogoaheadand

seehowyouwantedtohandlethecheck.”

“I’mgood.I’mpayingformydrinksonly.Seeeverybodyelseabouttheirown.”

“Yourfaceisfamiliar.Areyouontheteamwiththem?”

Herhandfounditswaytomyknee.Iwastemptedtotellherasstogetfrom‘roundme,butIdidn’t

wanttoembarrassher.Ididn’twanthertothinkshehadachancewithmeeither,soIdidn’tevenlook

downatherhand.

“Nah,”Ianswereddryly.

Shewasn’tbadlookingjustwaytoothirsty.Besides,IhadCharlietoplaywith.Therewasnothing

thiswaitressoranyoneelsecoulddotopullmyattentionawayfromCharlie.

Charlie.

Ineededtotalktoheraboutyesterday.Kissingher…yeakissingherhaddefinitelybeensomethingI

thoughtaboutalot.Ineverconsideredactingonit,andthewayshereactedletmeknowIneverwould.I

hadtoputmygrowingdesireforheraside.Idon’twanttodoanythingtomakeheruncomfortable.Forthe

nextfivemonthsshe’sgoingtohavetobearoundforHarlem.Idon’tneedhertryingtoquitoranything

likethatbecauseshethinksIcan’thandlemyselfaroundher.

Tobehonest,I’dneverhadthattypeofproblemwithawomanbefore.Mostofthetimetheymadethe

firstmove,andwhenIdiditwasmadeknowingfullwellthattheywantedittohappenjustasmuchasI

wantedittohappen.Idon’tknowwhathadgottenintome.Iguessitwasjustherbeingherandbeingso

caringandpresentandsweetandonherkneeslookingupatmelikeIwasaKingand…

“Oh.Well.OK.Um…doyoucomeherealot?Iusuallyworkthenightshift,butI’veneverseenyou

inherebefore.”

Scratchingmyforehead,Iinhaleddeeplyandsighed.

“Nah.Idon’tcomehereoftenatall,babygirl.”

Shedidn’ttakemybrushoffseriously.Notseriouslyatall.

“Oh.Iwishyouwould.Seeingyouwouldmakemyshiftsflybyaloteasier.”

Ididn’tthinkitwaspossibleforhertogetclosertome,butshedid,andherhandslidingupmythigh

hadmylegsopeningnaturally.Mydickwasdefinitelyprovingithadamindofitsownasitgrew.Iwas

fasting. No sex. Really, I wasn’t even supposed to be calling and texting women, but Charlie made me

happilybreakthatrule.

“Isthatright?”

“Right.”

“I’llseewhatIcando.”

Shesmiledandbitdownonherlipassheputsomespacebetweenus.

“Cool.I’llputmynumberonthebackofyourreceipt.”

Inoddedandwatchedasshewalkedawayandwentbehindthebar.

“Dude,whatthehelliswrongwithyou?Shewaspracticallythrowingyouthepussyandyoudidn’t

bite,”Edwardsaidindisbelief.

“Man,justaseasilyasshethrewitatmeisjustaseasilyasshethrewitatsomebodyelseinhereI’m

sure.”

“Whatever.Youcould’veatleastgottenhertoheadyouup.”

IlookedoveratEdwardandshookmyhead.

“Atwhatcost?I’mtryingtocleansemyselfofthesefemalesnotaddonmore.Idon’tneedhercalling

meandtextingmeandexpectingshitfrommethatIdon’thavetogive.I’mgoodonthat.”

“What happened to the Knight that I know? The Knight that I know would’ve taken her to the

bathroomandhandledthatimmediately.”

Ishruggedandwatchedasthewaitressmadeherwaybackovertomewithmyreceiptandasmile.I

don’tknowwherethatKnightwas.Evenwithmefasting,ifawomanwaseasyenoughI’djustfallandget

backuponthenextday,butthisday…Ihadnodesiretoentertainheroranyoneelse.

ForthefirsttimeinIthinkmyentireadultlifeIwasmorecontentwithwhateverthiswasthatIhad

withCharliethanhavingsexandthatscaredme.Thatscaredmealot.Evenwiththatfearanduneasiness

ofwhatwashappeningtome,Icouldn’twaittogethomeandseeher.Shewascomingovertodeliverthe

stuffsheandHarlempurchasedyesterday.

“Here’syourreceipt.”

Ilookedatthewaitress’snametagforthefirsttimetoday.

“Cool.Thanks,Robin.”

“Noproblem.”

Robinwinkedandleft.AfterlettingeveryoneknowthatIwasabouttoleaveIpulledenoughcashout

ofmywallettocovermybillandgiveRobinanicetip.ThenIleftthemoney,thereceipt,andhernumber

thatwasonthebackofitonthetopofthebar.

WalkingintomyhouseandhearingHarlemandCharlielaughinggavemethiswarmfeelinginthepit

ofmethatmadeitfeellikeIwaswalkingintoahome.Withthethoughtthatneitherofthemwouldbehere

forever, I made my way upstairs and into Harlem’s temporary room. Charlie’s eyes found mine first

becauseshewasfacingthedoor,andwhentheydidherlaughwasturnedintoaquietsmile.

HarlemturnedaroundandlookedfrommyfacetothepackagesofRicki’scookiesI’dpickedupfor

herandCharlieaspeaceofferingswhenIleftthelounge.IknewHarlemlovedRicki’ssoftbakedcookies

and I was hoping Charlie would too, or at least appreciate the fact that I grabbed her some along with

Harlem.

“Hi,”Charliespokesoftly.

“What’sup?”

Hergazeloweredtothebagshewaspullingstuffoutofasshefoughttopullhersmilein.

“CanItalktoyou?”Harlemaskedasshestood.

“Me?”

“Yesyou,boo.”

“I’mbacktoboo?”

Harlem rolled her eyes and pushed me out of the doorway. She grabbed one of the packages of

cookiesfrommyhandandledthewaydownstairs.Wewentintothediningroomandsatacrossfromeach

other.Iputtheotherpackageofcookiesonthetableasshebegantospeak.

“Iwouldreallylikeforyoutoputthebaby’sfurnitureandstuffupwhenitarrives,Knight.”

“ThatwouldmeanI’minvolved,andyoudon’twantmeinvolvedremember?”

“Don’tbedifficultwhenI’mtryingtoapologize!”shewhinedassheopenedthebox.Afterbitingone

ofthecookiesandkeepinghereyesclosedinsheerdelightuntilshewasdone,Harlemcontinued.“I’m

sorryforbeing…difficult.Iknowthatyouonlysaidanddidwhatyousaidanddidbecauseyouloveand

care about me. And I really do appreciate you for that, Knight, but you have to let me make my own

choicesandmistakes.Idon’twanttoresentyouforanything.Letmewalkthispathonmyown.Iwantyou

towalkitwithmeeverystepoftheway,butIhavetowalkitonmyown.Ineedyouatmyside,notin

frontofmeforcingmyeverymove.IfTageisadogass…”

“Watchyourmouth.”

“IfTageisnogood,Ineedtofindoutonmyown.Iwantyouradviceandhelp,butcanyougiveit

whenIaskforit?Canyouatleastdothat?”

IsatbackinmyseatandsighedasIconsideredherrequest.

“Soyouwantmetojustletyoumakebaddecisionsandonlytellyouit’sabaddecisionifyouaskme

to?”

“Yes.IfI’mgoingtostayhere…”

“Youarestayinghere.”

Hereyesrolledassheshookherhead.

“IfI’mgoingtostayherewehavetohavethatboundary.”

“Boundary?Thehellyouknowaboutsomedamnboundaries?”

“Well,IwastalkingtoCharlieandshesuggestedthatI…”

“Charlie?”

“Yes.Charlie.She’sthereasonI’meventalkingtoyouinthefirstplace.Iwasjustgoingtocontinue

tobepettyandignoreyouandirritateyou,butshesuggestedthatItellyouhowIfelt.Andthatwecreate

boundaries.BoundariesthatwillhelpyouunderstandthatI’mstillyourbabysister,butI’malsoaboutto

beamother.Ineedtogrowupanddealwithsomethingsonmyown,Knight.Andboundariesformeto

help me remember that you love me and want what’s best for me. So I promise to not flip and take

everythingsopersonallyasanattackonmyindependenceifyoupromisetolightenupandwalkwithme

insteadofinfrontofme.”

“That’sfair.”

Harlemsmiledasshestoodandwalkedovertome.Shegavemeahugandkissbeforemushingmy

headandwalkingaway.

“Thanksforthecookies.Iloveyou.”

“Youbetter.”

Welldamn.Mybabysisterwasgrowinguponme.Talkingaboutindependenceandboundariesand

respect.WhatdidIexpect?She’dpracticallystartedraisingherself.Ifeltbadashellaboutleavingher,

butIfeltlikeIcouldn’tbeanygoodtoheroranyoneelse.Notbeingthereformamafilledmewithso

muchguiltandanger.MademefeellikeIcouldn’tbethereforanyoneelse.ButHarlemneverheldthat

againstmeorCarmen.

Sheneverharboredanytypeofhateorangerorevenresentmentbecauseweweren’tthereforheras

muchasweshouldhavebeenwhenshewasgrowingup.Yea,IstoppedbywheneverIwasintownandI

madesureshewasstraightfinancially.Wetalkedatleasteverytwodays.ButIwasn’tthere.Herheart

wouldn’tallowhertoholdthatagainstme,though,andforthatIwasgrateful.AndIplannedonmakingup

formyabsencenow.

Next up was Charlie. I returned to the door and asked to speak with her. She followed me to the

diningroomhesitantly–asifshewasafraidthatIhadaproblemwithanythingthatshe’dsaidtoHarlem

orsomething.CharlietriedtositacrossfrommeinthesameseatHarlemhad,butIfoundmyselfwanting

hercloser.Igrabbedherhandandsathernexttome.

Herhandswereinherlapashereyesshylyfoundmine.

“Theseareforyou,”Islidherthecookiesandshesmiled.“I’mnotsureifyoulikethese…”

“IloveRicki’scookies.Youdidn’thavetogetmeanything,Knight,butthankyou.”

Inoddedandthoughtovermywordscarefully.

“Listen,Ijustwantedtoapologizeagainforyesterday.I’mnotgoingtolieandsaythatIdidn’twant

tokissyou,butIdidn’tplanonactingonthatdesire.IwasfeelingawayoverHarlemandyoubeinghere

andbeingalllovingandpositive…yourenergy…ittransferredandtookawaytheangeranduncertainty

thatIwasfeelingandIjust…couldn’thelpmyself.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that. Like at all. If I was a normal woman kissing you would’ve

beenthehighlightofmylife,”shesmiledandpausedmomentarilyashereyesloweredtomylips.“But

myownpersonalissuesarewhatmademereactthewayIdid.Ithadabsolutelynothingtodowithyou,

Knight.Igenuinelylikeyou.You’rehandsomeandsweet,butIgetthefeelingyouhavenoproblemtaking

controlandlayingdownthelaw,”thetipofherfingerranacrossthemoleshecalledabeautymarkonmy

finger.“You’reperfect.”

Ican’ttellyouhowlongwesattherelikethat,withherrunningherfingeracrossmine,butwedidn’t

stop until my doorbell sounded off. She removed her hand immediately and tried to stand, but my hand

wenttoherwaistandIsatherbackdown.

“Letthemwait,”Itookherhandsintomineandkissedthemboth.Hershoulderstensedandshetried

topullherhandsaway,butIdidn’tlether.“Idon’tknowwhatguardsyouhaveupandwhy,andIcan’t

evensayifI’mupforthechallengeofknockingthemdown.Ican’tsayifI’mcapable.WhatIcansayis

thatIlikeyou.Alot.AndifallIhavearethesenextfivemonthstojuststareatyouandvibewithyou…I

willgladlyacceptthat.Justpromisemethatyouwon’tbescaredofme,Charlie.OfwhatIfeelforyou.

HowIexpressthosefeelings.I’mnotusedtothem…tofeeling…andIhonestlydon’tknowwhattodo

withthemrightnowbut…justdon’tletmerunyouaway.OK?”

The sight of her eyes watering made my heart skip a beat. Literally. She closed them and inhaled

deeplyasshepulledmeclosertoherbyourstillconnectedhands.Charlieletgoofmineonlytowrapher

armsaroundmyneckforahug.

IinhaledherscentasIhuggedherwaist.PullingherascloseasIcould.

Thedoorbellrangagain.

Neitherofusmadeamovetoreleaseeachother.

“I’m so scared,” she whispered into my ear, and the feel of her tear hitting my neck snatched my

words.

“Charlie…”wasallthatwouldcomeoutasItriedtopullawaybutsheheldmecloser.Tighter.

ThefrontdooropenedandHarlem’ssquealletmeknowitwasherfurniture.“Charlie…”

“Please.Just.Letmegetmyselftogether.Justholdmeforasecond.”

“ButIneedtoknowwhyyou’reafraid.Ineedtoknowwhatyou’reafraidofsoIcankeepitfrom

happening.Whatareyouscaredof,Charlie?”

She inhaled deeply and pulled away from me as she wiped her face. Charlie stood and turned her

backtomeasshelookedatthedeliverymentakingboxesupstairs.

“Fallingforyou.I’m…scaredoffallingforyou.”

Her eyes met mine briefly before her feet started to move, and it felt like each step she took away

from me somehow pulled her heart even closer to mine. Felt like each step she took away from me

somehowmademewanttochaseafterher.Notphysically…butemotionally.

Ihadnoideahowscrewedupshewas.Howdamagedshewas.Maybeshewasjustasscrewedup

anddamagedasme.Maybethat’swhywegotalongandvibedaswellaswedid.Maybethat’swhyshe

wasscared.LordknowsIdidn’twanttotakeittherewithher.HeknewIdidn’twanttogettoknowher.

Seeherallvulnerableandexposed.Makeherfallformeandtrustme.Onlyforhertoleavemeorbeleft

byme.

SowhydidHepresenthertome?Awakenme.Likeshewasmyrib.ThewomanI’dbeenwaitingfor.

Theonecreatedtofitmeperfectly.Fivemonths.Shewouldbegoneinfivemonths.I’dbebackonthe

roadinsix.Andnoneofthiswouldmatteranymore.

It was Deja, my beautiful yet crazy best friend of forever, who decided I needed a night out. She

chose Sticks so we could play a little pool and have a couple of drinks. Today was my last day at

Bundled, and she swore it wouldn’t be official if I didn’t go out and celebrate, so I decided to go and

unwindwithmybestie.

DejaandIhavebeenbestfriendsforaslongasI’veknownmyself.Likeseriously.Likeeversince

I’veknownmeI’veknownher.That’showcloseweare.She’stheonlypersonthatknewjusthowsickI

reallywas.ShewastheonlypersonIallowedtoseemecryandbeinpainbecauseofmycondition.I

didn’tevenshowthattomyparents.

Wewentonourfirstdatetogether.Graduatedtogether.Wenttocollegetogether.Withmysurgery,I

wasforcedtowithdrawfromschool.Hercrazybehindrefusedtograduatewithoutme,soshegraduateda

yearlatejusttobeabletobeinthesameclassasme.

Nowthatwaslove.

Crazylove.

Butlove.

OurdrinksandgamewasforgottenwhenEllaMai’s“Down”begantoplay.Shedroppedherpool

stickontothetableandweimmediatelystartedbeltingthesongout.

“Tell me what you wanna feel? Is there something I can heal? We can paint a perfect picture,

picture, make a story we can tell. Honestly I ain’t tryna push. I just know where to look. See you

watchingmewatchingyouwatchmybodydon’tbescaredtospeakup.”

Bynow,wewerestandinginfrontofeachothervibingouttothebeat.Herhandswenttomywaist

andminewerearoundherneckasweswayedtothebeat.

“Wannaknowifyou’resure.MaybeIcouldbethecure.”

Shepulledmeinforahugandwhispered…

“Lie,Ithinktheythinkwe’relesbians.”

Ilaughedandpulledmyselfawayfromher,takinginthesmallcrowdthathadgatheredaroundus.

“Don’treallyknowwhatyoudotome,buttakethatnextstopboythat’scoolwithme.Coolwith

me.”

“Ithinkyou’reright,Day.”

I grabbed my drink as she picked her pool stick back up. When the men that were watching us

realizedtheshowwasoverthecrowdslowlybegantofade.Igiggledatsomeofthedisappointedlooks

ontheirfacesasthecrowdcleared.MysmilefellwhenmyeyeslandedonKnight.Hewasseatedinthe

backwithawomanpracticallyhangingoffofhisbody.

Itwasobviousthathewasn’tasinterestedinherasshewasinhim,butthatdidn’tcausehimtoput

spacebetweenthem.Hemusthavefeltsomeonelookingathimbecausehiseyesscannedtheroomuntil

theylandedonme.

“Ijustwantyoutomyself.Trynabetheonethatmatter.Followmelet’smakeitclear.”

Hishandtightenedaroundherhipbeforehepatteditandpushedheroffofhim.Iturnedmybackto

himandprayedhedidn’tseemeasIgulpedtherestofmydrinkdown.

Just a little less than two weeks ago he was warning me about him. Maybe about this. Trying to

protectmefromhim.AndItriedtocutoffhowIwasfeelingforhim,butit’sgrowingsonaturallyIswear

itfeelsasifIhavenocontrol.

He’snotmyman.We’renotcommittedtoeachother.Hell,Icouldn’tevenkisstheman.Noneofthat

rationalizingthesituationmademefeellesshurtoverseeinghimwithanotherwoman.

Knightwrappedhisrightarmaroundmefrombehindandpulledmeintohischest.

“Youlookbeautiful,”hewhisperedintomyearashisarmtightenedaroundme.

“Knight…”

How could a kiss be soft and firm? That’s how it felt when his lips branded my neck. It was soft

enoughtogivemechills,butfirmenoughtomakeariverflowbetweenmythighs.Igrabbedhishandand

triedtoremovehisarm,buthepushedmeintothetablesoftlyandmoanedashisdickpressedintome.

“I’msohappytoseeyou,Charlie.”

“Charlie?Whothehellisthis?”

That was Deja. All loud and possessive of me. I expected that to make Knight release me, but if

anything,heheldmetighter.

ImetDeja’seyesandtriedtofocusonher,butthefeelofhisabs…hisdick…hisarm…

“Charlie…”

“ThisisKnight,”Irushedout.

“OhhhthisisKnight,”Dejasmiledandplacedthebuttofherstickonthefloor.Herhandswenton

topofit,andherchinrestedonherhands.“I’dspeak,butIdon’tthinkitwouldregisteratthispoint.”

Itwouldn’t.Hewastoobusyrunninghisnoseagainstmyneckinhalingmyscenttopayheroranyone

elseanyattention.

“Knight,areyoudrunk?”

“No.Ijustmissyou.Ihaven’tseenyouinlike…threedays,Charlie.Ifyoudon’twantthiskindof

shittohappenIneedtoseeyoueveryday.AslongasIcanseeyouIdon’thavetofeelyou,butoneorthe

otherhastohappen.”

Hekissedmyneckagainashepulledmeoffthetableandturnedmetofacehim.

“Mybestfriendistryingtospeaktoyou.”

KnightstaredatmeforafewsecondsmorebeforeallowinghiseyestofindDeja.

“What’sup?”

“Hey.”

“Howareyou?”

“I’mwell.”

Knightnoddedandreturnedhiseyestome.Hishandcuppedmycheekandhecaresseditwithhis

thumbandpulledmecloseratthesametime.

“Whyhaven’tIseenyou?”

Whyhadn’theseenme?IcouldsayitwasbecauseIwasbusywithclients,butthatwouldn’tbethe

honest and complete truth. I was busy, but I wasn’t too busy to see or talk to him. I just chose not to.

Tryingtostopthesefeelingsthatweren’tlistening.

“Whoisthatandwhywassheonyourlap?Whyisshelookingoverherelikeshewantstobeatmy

ass?”

“Pah!Shecantry,”Dejamumbledasshegrabbedherdrinkoffthepooltable.“I’mgoingtothebar

sinceyourboyfriendhascrashedourgirl’snight.”

“He’snotmyboyfriend,andhe’llbeleavingsoon.”

“Why?”Knightasked.

“Becauseit’srudetoleaveyourdatealonetobetalkingtome.”

“Thatgirlain’tmydate.Ididn’tevenknowshewasgoingtobehere.”

“Whoisshe?”

Knightsmiledandreleasedme.Heputsomespacebetweenusandplacedhishandsinhispockets.

“AgirlIusedtomesswith.”

“Youfuckher?”

“Charlie!I’veneverheardyoucursebefore.Thatmakestwiceinlessthanfiveminutes.”

“Did.You.Fuck.Her?”

“Yea.Butthat’sallitwas.”

“Isthatwhatyouweregoingtodotonight?”

“No.”

Ididn’tbelievehim,butitwasn’tmyplacetoquestionhimanyway,soInoddedandtriedtowalk

away.Hegrabbedmyhandandpulledmebackintohim.

“I’mserious,Charlie.I’mnothavingsexwithheroranyoneelsetonight.”

“Soyoujustletanyandeverybodysitonyourlap?”

“You ain’t sitting on it,” I chuckled and shook my head as I looked at the ceiling. “Do you feel

disrespected?Hurt?Angry?DidIdosomethingwrong?”

“No.Youdidn’tdoanythingatall.We’renottogethersoitdoesn’tmatter.”

“Obviouslyitdoes.Youcan’tlookatme.Yourbodyisstiff.Talktome.”

“There’snothingtotalkabout,”IsaidasIclappedmyhandstogether.

WasIclappingmyhandsrightnow?WasIreallymadathim?Wow.Tryingtofindmycenter,Iclosed

my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose as I inhaled deeply. How could I allow him to have such

controlovermyemotions?HowcouldIgofromfeelingsohappyandcarefreetoangryandpossessive?

“Charlie, there’s nothing going on between us. I haven’t seen her in about six months. She thought

she’dhaveachancetostartsomethingupsinceIwashome,butItoldherthatIwasn’tinterested.Yea,I

lethersitonmylapandfeelonmealittle,tobehonesttheattentionandaffectionfeltgood,butyouhave

tobelievemewhenIsayIdon’tfeelanythingforher.”

“Wellapparentlyyoudon’tfeelanythingformeeither.”

“No,”heshookhisheadandtookasteptowardsme.Hislefthandwasoutofhispocketandhewas

pointingatmeashespoke.“That’swhatwe’renotabouttodo.You’renotabouttotiethistogether.What

IdowithheroranyotherwomanhasnothingtodowithhowIfeelaboutyou.Weagreedthatweweren’t

goingtoletanythinghappenbetweenus,butthatdoesn’tmeanIdon’tlikeyouandcareaboutyou.And

justbecauseIlikeyouandcareaboutyoudoesn’tmeanI’mnotgoingtotalktootherwomen.IfIdon’t,

allofmyattentionwillbeonyou.You’llbetheonlywomanIgivemyenergyandtimeto.Andifyou’re

already feeling things for me you will not be able to handle me making you a priority. You will fall in

love.Isthatwhatyouwant?Rightnow,anywomancancatchmysightanditnotmeananythingtome.Are

youtryingtobetheonlywomaninmyvision?Doyoureallywantthattohappenrightnow?”

“That’snotafairdecisiontoaskmetomake.”

“Life ain’t fair, beauty. If you don’t want me socializing with other women, you need to start

answeringmyphonecallsandspendingtimewithme.Isthatwhatyouwant?”

“It’snotthatIdon’t…”

“But?”

“ButIcan’t.”

“Why?”

Igrabbedthetopofmyshirtabsentlyandsqueezed.

“Weagreed,Knight.Nofeelings.Norelationship.Right?”

I couldn’t give him things a normal woman could. I couldn’t even kiss him. I couldn’t be intimate

withhim.Howcouldhehaveafuturewithme?Scarred,damaged,scaryme?Hewasbetteroffwithher

oranyoneelseatthispoint.

“Ifthat’showyouwanttokeepit,Charlie,fine.Butyourwordsandactionsneedtoalignwithyour

desire.Youcan’tgetmadatmeforshitlikethiswhenyouaren’tmeetingmyneeds.Youcan’tdemand

loyaltyandfidelitywhenyouaren’tsupplyingthesamepluslove,attention,affection…”

“OK.Fine.”

Hispointingfingerwentundermychin,andheusedittoliftmyhead.MyeyesclosedasIhopedthis

would be my second chance of getting this kissing thing right, but I realized that wouldn’t be the case

whenIfelthislipsatthesideofmymouth.Soft.Smooth.Full.AspleasurableasIthoughtthey’dbe.He

restedhisforeheadonmineashehuggedme.

MyarmswentaroundhisneckatthesametimeIopenedmyeyesandlookedintohis.

Hepulledmecloserandtheexchangehappened.Itwasnolongerourforeheadsthatweretouching

butourlips.Thesecondtheyconnectedallpartsofmybodystartedreacting.Myheartstartedpounding

andskippingbeats.Burning.Mypussythrobbed.Mystomachtightened.Myarmscoveredwithchills.

Butjustasquicklyashekissedmeisjustasquicklyashepulledaway.

“Shit,”hewhisperedasheletmegoandsteppedback.“Ididn’tmeantogetthatdeep.IsaidIwasn’t

goingtotrytokissyouanymore.”

“Noit’s…it’sfine.I…Idon’tmind.Really.”

“I’msorry,Charlie.Youandyourfriendbesafe.Who’sdriving?”

“What?”

Whatthehell?Didhereallyjustcutmykissofflikethatandexpectmetobecoherent?Dude.

“Who’sdriving?Bothofyouaredrinking…”

“Iam.Ionlyhadoneandthat’sallI’mgoingtohave.”

Henoddedandtookanotherstepawayfromme.

“Cool.Textmeandletmeknowwhenyou’vemadeithomesafely,Charlie.That’snotaoption;it’sa

demand.”

Iclosedmyeyesandlickedmylips–tryingtotastetheremnantsofhim.

“Charlie…”

“OK.I’lltextyou.”

Myeyesopenedintimeenoughtoseehimlookingmeoverfromtoetohead.Hismouthopened,but

insteadofsayinganythinghewalkedoutofthepoolhall.Leavingmeandthewomanwhowassittingon

hislapstandingdazedandconfused.

Home

IsentthetexttoKnightthenplacedmyphoneonmybed.Mymindwasstillspinningoverthefact

thatInotonlyhadanemotionalreactiontoseeinghimwithanotherwoman,butthatheputmeinmyplace

aboutit.Notonlydidheputmeinmyplaceaboutitbuthekissedme.Hekissedme.Ihaven’tbeenkissed

inyears.Anditfeltsofuckinggood.

Itfeltgoodtobeconnectedtoanotherhumanbeing.

Itsuckedthathefeltasifhehadtoholdbackfromme,butthat’sforthebest.IfIcouldbarelyhandle

thelittlepeckhegaveme,Ican’timaginehowIwouldhavefeltifhewould’veslippedmesometongue.

I’mallovertheplace.ThefirsttimehetriedtokissmeIranfromit.NowIcravedit.Iguessastime

passesandIspendmoretimewithhimtheinevitableishappening–I’mfallingforKnightCarver.

Hard.

AsIpulledmyshirtovermyheadIreceivedaFaceTimerequest.IassumeditwasDejasoIpicked

myphoneup,butIwaspleasantlysurprisedbythesightofKnight’sname.Iquicklyputmyshirtbackon

andacceptedhisrequest.Justthesightofhimhadmesmilingasusual.Hedidthesameandloweredhis

eyesbrieflybeforelookingatme.

“Ijustwantedtomakesurewe’regood.Idon’tneedyoushuttingdownonHarlembecauseofme.”

“We’refine,Knight.ItoldyouIdidn’tmindthekiss.IfanythingIwantedmore.”

“Icancomegiveyoumore.Rightnow.”

There was something about the look in his eyes and the raspy sound of his voice that told me that

wouldn’tbeallhe’dbecomingtogiveme,andIwasremindedyetagainofthefactthatIwouldnever

have a normal relationship with him… or probably any other man. The thought made my heart literally

ache.IfeltmyfacetwistasIclutchedmychest.

“Charlie…what’swrong?”

“NothingI’mjust…tired.Headache.”

WhydidIlie?Whycouldn’tItellhimaboutmyheart?Aboutthescar?WhywasIsoafraidtoshare

thatpartofme?Thatwasme.NormallyIwasproudtosaythatIwasasurvivor,butwithhim…Iwas

scared.Scaredthatitwouldendthefaçadehehadofme,andthathe’dloseinterestandstopseeingme

thewayhedid.AndafteryearsoffeelinginvisiblemyGodIlovedthewayitfelttobeseen.

“Welltakesomemedicineandgetsomerest,beauty.We’lltalklater.”

“Willwe?”

“Ifyouwantusto.”

“Ido.”

“Thenwewill.”

IfeltlikethiswaswhenIwassupposedtoendtheconversation,butIcouldn’t.Ijuststaredathim

untilhespokeagain.

“CanIgotosleeplookingatyoutonight?”

“Youmeaninpersonorlikethis?”

Hechuckledquietlyandmademesmile.

“Likethis,Charlie.”

“Sure,”Isaidwithmymouth,eventhoughmymindscreamedno.Pleadedwithmetosayno.“Letme

showerandI’llcallyouback.”

“Cool.”

KnightdisconnectedthecallandIjuststoodthereforasecond.Phoneinhand.Tryingtofigureout

howIwasgoingtogetthroughthisnightwithoutfallingforhimevenharder.Whennosolutioncameto

me, I went through my drawers for something to sleep in. Normally I slept in my undies or naked, but

sincehewasgoingtobelookingatmeIhadtomakesuremychestwascoveredcompletely.Andthat’s

whenthetearsstartedtopour.

Howwasthethingthatwasmeanttogivemeliferobbingmeofitatthesametime?

MybabysisterwasenteringherfifthmonthofpregnancywithbabyboyHayden.Forthisdoctor’s

appointmentshewarnedmeaheadoftimethatTagewassupposedtobehere,andIgavehermywordthat

Iwouldn’tcauseanyproblems.

No matter how irritated I was by the fact that he was 15 minutes late, and when he walked in he

nodded at her, sat next to her, and immediately buried his head in his phone. To avoid breaking my

promise,ItextedCharlietogetmymindoffofthings.

SheandIhadbeentalkingalot.Probablywaymorethanweshouldhavebeentalking.Aftershesaw

mewithoneofmyoldfriendsatSticksandIdamnnearfondledher,wellIguessIdidfondleher,Iwas

donehidinghowIfeltabouther.

Ilikedher.Alot.AndIdidn’tgiveadamnifshefeltthesameornot.Ifshewantedtofeelthesame

ornot.Ithadbeenyearssinceanywomanhadcapturedmyinterestandheldit,andIplannedontaking

fulladvantageofthis.Oflikingsomeone.Ofwantingmorefromawomanthanjustrandomnightsoutand

sex.

Fastornot.

UntilIleft…Charliewasmine.

I think she’d finally gotten the point because she stopped trying to deny the pull that was going on

betweenusandstartedcallingandtextingmejustasmuchasIwascallingandtextingher.Westillonly

saweachotherwhenshehadtodosomethingforHarlem,butthatwaspracticallyeverydayanywaysoit

wascool.

How’syourclient?Isshestillgivingyouahardtime?

Isentthetextandputmyphoneonmylap.Oneofhernewclientshadahardtimeadmittingthatshe

neededhelp.TheonlyreasonCharliewastherewasbecausethewoman’shusbandhiredher.Shedidn’t

evenwantCharlie’shelp.InfrontofherhusbandsheactedcoolwithCharlie’spresence,butwhenhewas

goneshegaveCharliethehardesttime.

Charliesaidshe’dgiveittotheendoftheweektoseeifshe’dlightenup.Ifnotshewasgoingto

returnthehusband’smoneyandquit.

I didn’t blame her. The great thing about having your own business was that you chose who to do

businesswith.Allmoneyain’tgoodmoney.Irefusetoletanybodydisrespectmejustbecausetheythink

themoneythey’repayingmegivesthemtherightto.

IwasproudofCharlie,though.WhenIfirstmetherIthoughtshewasthissoft,cheerfullittlething

thatwouldneverevenhurtafly,butthemoreIgottoknowherthemoreIlearnedshehadalittleGabout

herself.

Beauty:-_-She’sgotmyHolySpiritalloutofwhack.I’mtryingSOhard.SOOOOhard.

“Whoyoutexting?BetterbeCharliesinceyouovertheresmiling.”

Harlemwasleaningoverthearmrestofmychairtryingtolookintomyphone.Ilookedatherand

smiled.

“Notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness,butyes,IamtextingCharlie.”

“Umhm.Betterbe.”

“Whydoyoulikehersomuchanyway?Youdon’tlikeanyone.”

“Idon’tliketheonesthataren’tanygoodforyou.Sheis.”

“Buthowdoyouknowthat?”

Harlemshruggedandlookedatthenurseassheopenedthedoor.

“Idon’tknow…”

“HarlemCarver.”

WeallstoodasHarlemcontinued.

“Justsomethingabouther.”

ThatwasthesamethingI’dsaid.Icouldn’tquiteplacewhatitwasaboutCharlie…butitwasjust

somethingabouther.Wewentbacktotheroom,andinsteadofmestandingnexttoherlikeIdidthelast

time,IsatintheseatthatwasbehindherandallowedTagetostandnexttoher.

Itreallydidn’tdoanygood.

The entire time her doctor talked to her and asked her questions he was in his phone or looking

aroundtheroom.

DoctorJamesputthatstickyshitonherstomachfortheultrasound,andbeforeshecouldpullmyboy

upHarlemwaslookingupatTagewiththatlook.ThatlookthatI’dbeenwaitingforhertohavewhenit

cametohim.

“Tage,what’sthepointofyoubeinghere,bruh?Seriously.”

“Whatyoumean?”

“WhatdoImean?Imeanyouhaven’tsaidanythingtomethewholetimeyou’vebeenhere.You’ve

shownnointerestinaskingDr.Jamesanything.Andshe’sabouttoshowyouyourbabyandyou’reinyour

fuckingphone.”

Iopenedmymouthtocheckheraboutcursing,butIsmiledandsatbackinmyseatfullypreparedto

enjoytheshow.

“I’mhere,Harlem.That’snotenough?Thisain’tinterestingtome.Idon’tthinkI’llbeinterestedin

noneofthisuntilhe’sactuallyhere.”

“Youknowwhat?Youcanleave.”

“Har–”

“Goodbye,Tage.”

I for sure thought he at least would have enough sense to try and fix his fuck up, but he didn’t. He

turnedaroundandleft.Justlikethat.Harlemlookedbackatmeassheinhaleddeeplyandtriednottocry.

SheheldherhandoutformeandIimmediatelystoodandmademywayovertoher.

“I’mproudofyou,”Itoldherbeforekissingherforehead.

“I’mproudofyou.Thankyoufornotsayinganything,Knight.”

Inoddedandturnedmyattentiontothescreen.HisheartbeatfilledtheroomandHarlemsqueezedmy

handasshesmiled.

“Well,Harlem,there’syourbabyboy.Strongheartbeat.Let’sseeifwecangetsomemovementwhile

wehavehimonthemonitor,”DoctorJamessaid.

Harlem’sheadshookandIlookeddownathertomakesureshewasgood.

“Howcouldhenotwanttobeapartofthis,Knight?”shelookedupatmewithtearsrainingdown

hercheeks.“EverytimeIseehimandhearhisheartbeatit’sevenmorerealtome.Howcouldhenotwant

tobeapartofthis?”

DoctorJamesputtheprobedownandstood.

“I’mgoingtogiveyoutwosomeprivacy.”

Harlem’sarmswerewrappingaroundmeasshecriedharder,anditmessedwithmymentalbecause

thiswasthefirsttimeI’dseenhercryinyears.Hadmewantingtorunouttotheparkinglotandbeathis

ass,butIheldherandtriedtocomfortherasbestasIcouldinstead.

FoodandshoppingcouldalwaysmakeHarlemfeelbetter.WewenttoOsakaforfood,thenheadedto

the Wolfchase mall. About five stores in she was back to her normal happy self. On the ride there I

questionedhertoseewhereherheadwasat.Shewascool,shejustcouldn’tunderstandhowhecouldbe

sodetachedfromthesituation.

Itriedtogethertounderstandthatshecouldn’tforcehimtofeelthewayshedidordesiretowantto

beinvolved.Tryingtodosowouldhurtherandthebabyinthelongrun.Youcan’tforceamantodoor

feelanytypeofway.Ifyouwantittobegenuine,youhavetogivehimthespacetogetthereonhisown.

Shesaidsheunderstoodandwouldgivehimthespacetoworkeverythingoutonhisown,andIwas

hopingshemeantthat.

Harlem and I were headed to the movie theater inside of the mall when we spotted Charlie in the

foodcourt.Shewasallgigglesandsmileswithherarmswrappedaroundsomedude’sarm.Allhugged

up against the side of him. My feet were moving towards them before I even had a clue of what I was

goingtosayordo,andHarlemwasrightbehindme.

“Beniceaboutit,”shesaidasshegrabbedthebackofmyshirttoslowmedown.

TheysatdownatatableandCharlie’sbackwastous,butwhoevershewaswithsawuswalking

towardsthem.MyfacemusthaveexpressedthewayIfeltontheinsidebecausehisfacehardenedatthe

sightofit.Sensingthechangeinhismood,Charlieturnedaroundtoseewhathewaslookingat.

ShesmiledevenwiderasshelookedfrommetoHarlem.Bythetimewemadeittotheirtableshe

wasonherfeetwithherarmsopenforHarlem.

“Hey,sweetheart.Howwasyourappointment?”

Harlemhuggedherandsighed.Charlielookedatmeforanexplanation,butIdidn’tgiveheroneasI

returnedmyattentiontothemanshehadwaytooclosetoherbodyformyliking.Harlemreleasedherand

madeherwaybacktomyside,andIwastednotimesittingthebagsdown,grabbingCharlie,andpulling

herintomeforahug.

Shedidthiscutemoangigglebeforetryingtoremoveherselffrommychest,butIheldon.Iwantedit

tobeperfectlycleartooleboythatIdidn’tgiveadamnwhattheyhadgoingon–shewasmine.Charlie

keptherrightarmaroundmeasshesaid…

“Knight,thisismybrotherRodney.Rodney,thisisKnightandhissisterHarlem.”

HarlemwavedasRodneystood.

“Nicetomeetyou,”Rodneysaidasheextendedhishandforme.

Ishookitandsaidthesame.HeshookHarlem’shandthensatbackdown.Feelingcomfortablewith

lettinghergo,IreleasedCharlieandshelookedatmewithasmirkbeforelookingatHarlem.

“Howdidtheappointmentgo?”sheaskedagain.

“Itwasfine,”Harlemansweredfinallyassheslippedbackintohersadness.

“Nope,”Charlieliftedherchin.“Keepthatheadup.Don’tletyourcrownfall.We’lltalk.”

Harlem nodded and hugged Charlie from the side. Charlie wrapped her arm around Harlem and

pulledherawayfromus–completelyignoringmeandherbrothertotendtoavisiblyhurtingHarlem.

“Haveaseat,”Rodneyoffered.

I waited until I couldn’t see Harlem and Charlie anymore before I took Charlie’s seat. This turned

intosomeshitIwasn’tpreparedfortoday.Iwasn’ttryingtomeetthefamilyandallofthat.

“You looked at me like my sister was yours,” he observed. “But she hasn’t told me anything about

you.Howdidyoutwomeet?”

I had no problem answering his questions because I would’ve wanted to know the same if it was

Harlem or Carmen, but if Charlie hadn’t said anything about me to her family… maybe that was for a

reason.

“If she hasn’t said anything to you about me maybe she doesn’t want you to know. I’d feel more

comfortable with you having this conversation with her, but I will admit to this – I do like your sister.

Verymuch.AndIlookedatherlikeshewasminebecause,well,sheis.Imightnotbehers.Wemightnot

beinacommittedrelationship.Butsheismine.”

Seeminglypleasedwithmyanswer,Rodneycrossedhisarmsoverhischestandsmiled.

“Mysisterislikefinechina.Handleherwell.Ifyoubreakher,I’llkillyou.”

Nowthatgotagoodheartylaughoutofme.Ihadn’tbeenthreatenedbyabigbrothersinceIwasin

highschool,butCharliewasworthit.Thiswouldbethefirstandonlytimehe’dgetawaywiththisshit,

though.

“Trustme,Ihavenointentionsofhurtingher.She’singoodhands.”

Hell,ifanything,Iwastheoneatriskofgettinghurt.Ihadnoproblematalltakingthingstothenext

level with Charlie, but she was holding back from me for whatever reason. It was like she was hiding

somethingfrommeandwhateveritwashadguardsupthatIdidn’tevenknowhowtoclimbover.

Butthenmynosecaughtherscent.AndIlookedtotherightandsawherandHarlemwalkingoverto

us.AndIsawthesmileonherface.Howitwaslike…thelightofGodcapturedinoneplace.Andthe

desiretotryandgethertoopenuptomeandletmeingrewevenstronger.

“CanyoupleasetellmewhatroomEvelynBrownisin?”Iaskedthelaboranddeliveryreceptionist.

In the midst of shopping for dresses for the gala and auction, Evelyn, a third time around client,

calledtoletmeknowthatherwaterbrokeandshecouldn’tgetintouchwithherhusband.Atthatmoment,

thefunthatIwashavingwithRodney,Knight,andHarlemceasedandIhadtogointoservantmode.

Ihadn’tevenplannedongoingtothemallwithRodney,buthecalledwhenIwasonmywaythere

and met me so we could spend some time together. When he found out what I was shopping for and

realizedhewasinforanall-daythinghequicklytriedtobackout–didn’twork!

IwaskindofgladthathestayedsinceweranintoKnightandHarlem.Hewastheonlypersoninmy

familythatnowknewaboutKnight,andImadenoefforttotryanddenythefactthatIhadfeelingsforhim.

Itfelt…goodtoexpressthattosomeonebesidesDeja.Itfelt…normal.

“She’sinroom1094.Areyouamemberofthefamily?”

“No,I’mher…Idon’tknowwhatyouwouldcallit…”

“AreyouCharlieWhite?Shetoldustosendyoubackassoonasyougothere.”

“Yes.Iam.”

“Perfect.Headaroundthedesktotheleftandtakethesecondright.Herroomistotheleft.”

“Great,thanks.”

IrushedbacktoEvelyn’sroom,tryingtogetintouchwithherhusbandforwhatfeltlikethemillionth

time,andyetagainhedidn’tanswer.Ifyouaskme…hewashavinganaffair.ThethreetimesIhadtogo

uptohisjobwhenhewassupposedtobetherehewasn’t.Allofthecallstohiscellphoneweresentto

hisofficeduringtheday,andmostmendidtheopposite.Ifeltlikehewasdoingthattoavoidhavingto

talktoEvelyn,butwhatever.Thatwasnoneofmybusiness.

ThecloserIgottoherroomthelouderyellingandcryingsoundedoff.Itdidn’tsoundlikethetypeof

yelling and crying that would come from a woman in labor. Especially a woman that was on her third

baby.Thissoundedangry.Ilookedintotheroombeforegoingin,andIsawEvelynyellingatherhusband,

Adam.

UnsureofifIshouldgoinornot,IplacedmyforeheadonthedoorandlistenedtoEvelyn’syelling.

“You come up here smelling like another woman when I’m having your child? You got the bitch’s

makeuponthecollarofyourshirt,Adam!Don’ttrytomakemeouttobethecrazyone!”

“Mrs.Brown,please,trytocalmdown.Yourbloodpressureiselevatingandwedon’twanttostress

thebaby,”herdoctorwarned,andthatwasallIneededtohear.

Iwalkedin,grabbedAdam,andwalkedrightbackout.

“Charlie…”

“Listentome;getyourshittogether,Adam.Donotstressheroutanymorethanshealreadyis.What

thehellwereyouthinkingcomeupherelikethis?”

“I…Iwasn’tthinking,Charlie.Ididn’twanthertogivebirthwithoutmebeinghere.SoIjustleftand

came.”

“Butwhywereyouevenwithanotherwomanknowingyourwifewasgoingtogointolaboratany

moment?”

Adamleanedagainstthewallandhunghishead.

“She was stressing me out, Charlie. Nagging me and complaining all the time. I just needed an

escape.”

“Whatdidyoujustsay?”

Hisheadhunglower.WitharollofmyeyesIwentbackintotheroomtoEvelyn’sside.

“Tellmewhatyouneed,Evelyn.Doyouwanthiminhere?Inthewaitingroom?Athome?What?”I

askedasshegrabbedmyhand.

“Iwanthimgone.Heneedstogotomyhouse,packhisshit,andmakesurehe’sgonebythetimeI

leave.You’regoingtostayherewithmearen’tyou,Charlie?”

MysmilewasabitteroneasIranmyfingersthroughherhair.

“Don’tIalways?LetmegoandgetridofhimandI’llberightback.”

Shenoddedandreleasedmyhand,andImademywayoutsideofherroomtotellAdamherdecision.

ThiswastheeveningI’dbeenwaitingfor.Yea,thegolftournamentwascool,andIenjoyedplaying

basketball,butthis…theeveningoftheauction…thiswaswhatIwaslookingforwardtomost.Thiswas

probably the only chance I had to have a date with Charlie without having the pressure of dating and

relationshipexpectationsandallofthatshitalongwithit.

I’d be able to take her out and enjoy her company one on one and not have to worry about things

changingbetweenustomorrowmorning–unlessshewantedthemto.

Withthatthoughtinmind,Iwasmorethanwillingtopayanyamountofmoneytopossessherforthe

night.

“Welllookatyou,”Harlemsaidthroughhersmileasshemadeherwayintomyroom.“Lookingall

flyandshit.”

“Harlem…”

“I’msorry.StandoverbythewindowsoIcantakeapictureofyou.Youlooksohandsome,boo.”

Ilookedmyselfoverinthemirroroncemore.TheManhattanblack&goldBrocadedinnerjacketthat

I sported gave me a classic look. I paired it with a white button down and a pair of tailor-made black

pants.

“Areyounervous?”

Shewouldaskmethatasshewasabouttotakethepicture.Iwasn’tnecessarilynervous,butIwas

unsureofhowshewouldreacttomewinningtheauctionandspendingthenightwithme.IknewCharlie

was nervous about the whole thing, and I wanted to make her as comfortable as I possibly could, but I

wasgoingtotakefulladvantageoftonight.

“No.I’mnotnervous.I’mjustreadytogetitoverwith.Youmakesuretotextmeandletmeknow

whenyou’vemadeittoPrincess’shousetonight.Imightnottextyourightback,butIneedtoknowthat

you’vemadeitsafely.”

“Fine.Sendmeapictureofherwhenyouseeher.Iknowshe’sgoingtolookbeautiful.”

IgrabbedmykeysandphoneoffthedresserandhuggedHarlembeforeheadingout.Yep,Iwassure

shewasgoingtolookbeautifultoo.

“Goodeveningeveryone,andwelcometoourfirstannualcharityauction.Ournewcommitteecame

upwithadifferentandexcitingauctionforustonight,andIhopeyoumenhaveyourcheckbooksoutand

ready!”

Mrs.Berry,DoctorBerry’swifeclappedherhands,encouragingthecrowdtoclap,asshepaused.

Hereyeswenttotheleftofthestageandshenoddedbeforeshespokeagain.

“Now, for those of you who filled out your cards to participate in the auction tonight, I’m going to

giveyouaquickreminderofhowthisisgoingtoworkbeforeweproceed.”

OK.MaybeIwasalittlenervous.IsliddowninmyseatalittleandreleasedaquickbreathasIran

myhandovermyfreshlychoppedhair.

“Everyonewillbebiddingononewoman.Allofyourbidswillbegiventothehospitalattheendof

thenight,butonlythemanwiththehighestbidwillreceiveadatewithourtreasurewhentonight’sevent

isover.”

WhywasInervous?Sheshouldwantmetobetheonetowin.Sheknowsme.Wealreadyspendtime

witheachother,soit’snotlikeI’matotalstranger.

“Icalledthisyoungladyatreasurebecausethat’sexactlywhatsheis.I’veknownherforalittleover

halfofherlife,andanymanthatwinsadatewithherwilltrulybegettingaprize.Avesselofwealth.Not

financially,butemotionallyandmentally.Thisyoungladyisajewel.

Shehasherownbusiness.Theheartofaservant.Herpersonalityiswarmandbubbly.Hersmiles

arebrightandcontagious.Ijust…can’tsayenoughabouther.So,withoutfurtherado,Ipresenttoyou…”

Thiswasit.Thiswasit.

“CharlieWhite.”

The sight of her not only affected me, but a great deal of men in the room. Their claps went from

normalandlighttofastandheavyasgaspsandcheersfilledtheroom.Ifoundmyselfsittingupinmyseat

tryingtogetabetterviewofCharlie.

Herhairwasflatironedintoasleek,straightstylewithapartdownthemiddle.Usuallyhermakeup

wasnaturalifsheworeanyatall.Nothingspecial.Shedidn’tneedanythingheavyorspecial.Buttonight

herfaceglowed.Itglowed.Andthedeepburgundylipstickthatshehadonkeptpullingmyattentiontoher

lips.

Thatwas…untilIallowedmyeyestoroamherbody.Therosegolddressshehadoncomplemented

her beautiful brown skin perfectly. She looked beautiful. Classy. Elegant. Then she turned around and

huggedMrs.Berryandshowedthebacklessdesignandaddedsexytothelist.

“Wow,”camefromonthesideofme,andIcouldn’thaveagreedmore.

Charliewasbeautiful.

Charliewasbeauty.

Thesequingownaccentuatedhercurvesperfectly.AllIcouldthinkaboutwaspullingherintomeby

herhipsandkissingheruntilallofherlipstickhadbeenremoved.

Sheblushedasapplauseandcheerscontinuedallovertheroom,butIcouldn’tclap.Icouldn’tcheer.

Icouldn’tdoanythingbuttakeherin.WhentheroomquieteddownMrs.Berrysaid…

“Irefusetostartthebiddingatanythinglessthantwentythousand.”

Thatbidwasquicklymetandraisedto50.Iwasn’texpectingtobepissedatthebidsbeingmadefor

her.Imean…thiswastobeexpected.Buttohavesomanymenwantingmywoman?Mrs.Berryrepeated

abidofahundredthousandandregainedmyattention.

“150,”IsaidasIraisedmypaddle.

ThismusthavebeenthefirsttimeCharlienoticedmebecausehersmilefellatthesightofme,then

returnedwidely.

“Hi,”shemouthedasshepulledherarmsbehindher.

Inoddedandunbuttonedmyjacket–fullypreparedtogoinforherfineass.

“155,”camefromtheoppositesideoftheroom.

“175,”camefrombehindme.

“200,”Icountered.

Charlie’seyeswidened.WasshesurprisedthatIhadmoneyorthatthebiddingwassohigh?

“250,”camefromtheoppositesideoftheroom.

“300,”camefrombehindme.

“500,”Icountered.

CharlietookastepbackasMrs.Berry’smouthdropped.

“Is that a bid of five hundred thousand dollars?” she repeated. I nodded. “Five hundred going

once…”

“505,”camefromthesideofme.

“510,”camefrombehindme.

Iwasn’tabouttogobackandforthwiththesefolksallnight.

“610,”Icountered.

“650,”camefromthesideofme.

Ilookedovertoseewhoitwasforthefirsttime,andhewasalreadylookingatme.

“700,”Icounteredwithasmile.

HescratchedhisnoseandtookadeepbreathlookingfrommetoCharlie.

“Sevenhundredgoingonce…sevenhundredgoingtwice…”

“725,”camefromthesideofme.

Ichuckledandstood.AfterbuttoningmyjacketbackupIraisedmypaddle.

“Onemillion.”

Gasps.Whispers.Whistles.Cheers.

Charliecoveredhermouthandtookafewstepsback.

“Wow.Onemilliongoingonce…”Isteppedfrombehindmytableandstartedmakingmywaytothe

stage.“Onemilliongoingtwice…”thecloserIgotthemoreshebackedaway.“Soldtopaddlenumber13

foronemilliondollars!”

Hands were grabbing me as I made my way to her. I saw people on the sides of me clapping and

cheeringandtalkingtome…butnoneofthatshitwasregistering.Noneofthatmeantanythingtome.AllI

wantedtodowasgettoCharlie.

BythetimeImadeitonstageshewasbackedintoacornerwithtearspouringfromhereyes.Her

mouthwasstillbeingcoveredbyherhands.Ipulledthemdownandkissedthemboth.Hereyesclosed

immediately.

“Knight,” her voice trembled just as badly as her hands did. “Did you just… did you just spend a

milliondollarstogoonadatewithme?Withme?”

Usingmythumbstowipeawayhertears,Inodded.

“Ihadtohaveyou.Ihadtoclaimyou.Ineededyoutobelongtome.Tobemine.Evenifit’sjustfor

onenight.”

“Knight…I…”herheadshookbeforeshelowereditandcriedharder.

Itookherhandintomineandledherbackstage.WhenwewerealoneIpulledherintomyarmsand

heldherasshecried.

“Whyareyoucrying,Charlie?Didyounotwantmetowin?”

“I’mjustsurprisedandhappyandalittleoverwhelmed,”shemutteredasshesobbed.

Thatmademesmile.Andthefactthatherarmswrappedtighteraroundme.

“Stopcrying,beauty.Idon’twantyoureyesredduringourdate.You’vegottwohourstogethome

anddressed.Getyourselftogetherandtextmeyouraddress.”

Ikissedhertemple,driedhereyesonelasttime,thenmademywaybacktoMrs.Berrytogiveher

mycheckandheadhometochangeclothesmyself.

First of all; where did Knight even get a million dollars to bid on me? Seriously. Who bids on

someone for a million dollars? Seriously. Like, OK. I know that he’s a sports announcer, but sports

announcersain’tmakingbanklikethat!

Secondofall;whowasIthathewouldevenbidamilliondollarsonme?Iexpectedsomebidsofa

fewthousanddollarsforthecharity,butthelookinKnight’seyeswasnotonethatburnedforcharityor

thehospital.Hiseyesweretrainedonme.

Third of all; why did he have to look so good? That gold and black dinner jacket suited his style

perfectly.Thewhiteshirtagainsthisbrownskinmadehimlookedible.Andthewayhispantsfitlooked

asiftheywerecreatedespeciallyforhim.

Anddon’tevengetmestartedonhisfaceandneatlytrimmedhairandbeard.

GoodGod.

Knightruinedmeatthatauction.Straightupruinedme.Inagoodway,though.OnethatIthoroughly

enjoyed. One that would leave me tainted for the next man. No matter what happened between us after

tonight,anymanthattriedtobewithmefromthispointforwardwouldhavesomebigshoestofill.

WhoamIkidding?

Knight’sshoescouldneverbefilled.

MythoughtswereallovertheplacewhenImadeithome.InsteadofgettingdressedIspentabout45

minutessittingattheedgeofmybedthinkingaboutKnight.Itwasobviousthatwelikedeachotherand

were fighting it for our own hidden reasons, but tonight… there was no doubt in my mind that tonight

wouldchangeeverythingbetweenus.

Goodorbad.

Theringingofmyphonepulledmeoutofmythoughts.Iwasn’texpectingacallfromDoctorBerry,

soIimmediatelywentintopanicmodeasIanswered.

“Dr.Berry?”

“Hey,Charlie.AreyouwithKnight?”

“Notyet.Issomethingwrong?”

Istoodandranmyhandacrossmystomach.

“Ah,”heblewintothephoneandIimaginedhimscratchinghismustacheasheusedtodowhenhe

had to tell my parents something he didn’t think they’d like to hear. “I’m not quite sure. I don’t think

there’s anything wrong per se, I just… would like to speak with you soon. Can you stop by my office

Monday?”

“Sure.Um…IcanstopbybeforeIstartmeetingwithmyclients.Aroundeight?”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then. And thank you so much for participating in the auction tonight, Charlie.

Thisoneeventbroughtinmorethanwe’vemadesofarallweek.”

“Ohnoproblem.Noproblematall.I’mexcitedabouttheeventsfortherestoftheweek.”

“Metoo.Haveagreatnight,Charlie.”

“Youaswell.”

I disconnected the call and made my way to my closet for something to wear. After choosing a

strapless brown mermaid maxi dress I put my hair up and showered. The whole time I showered I

questionedmychoiceofdress.Itwaslinen,thin,andcomfortablewhichiswhatIwasgoingfor,butit

alsowasbacklessandtiedatthetopofmyasswhichcouldbeaproblem.

Knighthadnoproblemexpressinghisattractiontome,andIdidn’twanttoteasehim.Ididn’twantto

gethimallhotandbotheredandnotbeabletofollowitupwithsex.Washeexpectingsex?Shit,Ihope

not.

Afterwashing,Iusedmybodyscrubtomakesuremyskinwouldbesoft,shiny,andsmellinggood

justthewayheliked.AnytimeIusedthesheabutterscrubIdidn’thavetouseanylotionbecauseitwas

somoisturizing,andthat’stheoneI’dbeenusingalotsincemeetingKnight.Themomenthemadeitclear

thathelikedthescentwasthemomentitbecamemyeverydaychoice.

BythetimeIwasdonereapplyingmymakeupKnightwasringingmydoorbell.Iquicklygrabbedmy

robeandputitonasImademywaydownthehalltolethimin.EventhoughIknewitwashimIlookedin

thepeepholeonmydoortoconfirm.

I licked my lips and bit the top one as I unlocked the door. Standing behind it, I opened it wide

enoughtolethimin.Icloseditandgrabbedthetopofmyrobe…innorushtoturnaroundandfacehim.

“Sorry,Ijustneedafewminutes,”Iinformedhim.

Thefeelofhishandaroundmywristhadmeclosingmyeyesasheturnedmetofacehim.

“You’reworththewait.I’malittleearlyanyway.”

Iopenedmyeyesandsmiledatthebouquetofyellowrosesinhishand.Hishanddroppedfrommy

wrist,andheextendedtheoppositehandwiththeflowersinside.

“Thesearebeautiful,Knight.Thankyousomuch.”

HenoddedasItookthemandplacedhishandsinhispockets.

“Ifiguredwecoulddodinnerandwhateverelseyouwannado.I’mnotreallysurewhatyou’reinto.

Figuredwecouldmaybegettoknoweachotherbettertonight.”

I took a natural step towards him and smiled when his nostrils flared as he inhaled my scent. Why

washeholdingback?

“That’sfine,Knight.I’mdownforwhatever.Pool.Movie.Drinks.Hookahlounge.It’swhatever.”

Hiseyebrowsliftedatthesametimehismouthopenedslightly.

“You’reintothatkindofshit?”

Ichuckledalittleandnoddedashetookasteptowardsme.

“Absolutely.WhatdidyouthinkIwasgoingtosay?”

“I don’t know, but I wasn’t expecting that. I honestly thought you’d be a little uptight, but I can

definitelyrockwithallofthesuggestionsyouputout.”

“Uptight?Really,Knight?”

“Yea,Imean,youhaven’tgoneonadateinyearsandyou’vealreadyexpressedthattonightmightbe

abituncomfortableforyou.Ifiguredyou’djustwanttocomehomeafterdinner.”

MyheadshookasIclosedthespacebetweenus.

“Knight,tonightyoumadethegrandestgestureforme.Youspentamilliondollarstospendthenight

withme.WhateverIhavetodotokeepmynervessettledIwill.Iwanttonighttobememorableforthe

bothofus.Besides…thispastmonthhasgivenmethetimeneededtogetcomfortablewithyou.You’re

right, we don’t know the facts about each other and all of that, but we vibe nicely. I don’t think there’s

anythingthatcouldhappentonightthatwouldmakemeuncomfortable.”

Hispointingfingerslidacrossmycollarbonegentlyashelickedhislips.

“Inthatcase…hurryupandgetdressed.”

WewenttoFlightfordinner,andassoonasweorderedourfoodandwerealoneIasked…

“OK,areyouadrugdealer?”

Helaughed,andIdidtoo,butIwaskindofserious.Thoseebonyeyesstaredintomineuntilhislaugh

becameasmile.Thenheloweredthemonlytomovehisdrinkoutofthewaybeforelookingatmeagain.

“I’mnotadrugdealer,Charlie,”Knightplacedhishandsontopofthetableashecontinued.“Iused

toplayfortheGrizzliesbeforeIbecameanannouncer.WhileplayingIlivedoffofadvertisementsand

put all of the money I made playing in the bank. When I retired I had about four years’ worth of salary

saved.SoI’mlivingprettycomfortablyrightnow.”

“Really?Ithoughtthatyouwerereallygreatduringthebasketballgame,butitneverenteredmymind

that you’ve played professionally before. Your life is so simple, Knight, I never would’ve guessed you

were sitting on bank like that. I mean you have to have a lot of money to blow a million on this,” I

gestured at myself with one hand and the restaurant with the other. “But now that I think about it your

houseisprettybig,andyourcarisamazing.”

Thatwastrue.Iwantedtoasktodrivehis2017LincolnMKZassoonasIsatinthepassengerseat,

butIwasn’tsureifhewasoneofthosemenwhoweresuperpossessiveoftheircarssoIbitmytongue.

“This,” he pointed at me and the restaurant, “Is not something that I blew my money on. You were

wellworththeinvestment.IfIwouldhavehadtogohigherIwould’ve,Charlie.Moneytomeis…justa

resourceformetohavethethingsItrulywantinlife.Spendingamillionorabilliontohaveanightwith

you?” he chuckled quietly and sat back in his seat with a shake of his head. “I’d do it again in a

heartbeat.”

“ButIjustdon’tunderstandwhy,”Iblurtedwithmyfrustrationevidentinmyvoiceandface.“You

couldhaveanywomanyouwant…whyme?”

“IfyouthinkI’magoodenoughmantohaveanywomanIwant…whywouldn’titbeyou?Whoelse

woulditbe,beauty?Thereisnooneelse.”

IfinishedmyglassofChardonnayandmassagedmytemplesashelookedonandsmiled.

“Myattractiontoyoubothersyou,”henoticed.“Why?”

Ourwaiterwalkedbyandnoticedmyglasswasempty,soheofferedtorefillit,butKnighttoldhim

tobringusabottleinstead.

“Itdoesn’treallybothermeasmuchasitsurprisesme.”

“Whywoulditsurpriseyou?You’rebeautiful.Intelligent.Independent.Oneofthesweetestandmost

caringandlovingpeopleI’veevermet.Whywouldn’tIbeattractedtoyou,Charlie?”

Ishruggedandreachedformynowfullglass,buthepulleditawayfromme.

“Ineedyoutoopenup,Charlie.I’vegivenyoumorethanenoughtimetonotletmein.Ineedaccess

tonight.”

“OK. You first. Tell me about you. About your time in the NBA. Your past. Your family. I wanna

knoweverythingaboutyou.”

Icouldtellhefeltsometypeofwayaboutmedeflecting,buthedidn’tobject.Knighttoldmeabout

hisfamily.Hismotherandfather.Howhismotherdiedwhenhewas22,andthatshewasthereasonhe

left the NBA. How she asked him to finish college and get a degree before he went to the NBA but he

didn’t.

He went his first year of college and was hardly ever home because of it. His mother ended up

getting sicker and sicker until death took her, and he felt so guilty about not being there for her that he

stoppedplayingintheleague.

“But you have to know that she wouldn’t have wanted you to give up your dream for her, right?” I

askedwithwateryeyes.

Itbrokemyhearttowatchhimdisplayhis.

“I know that now, but 10 years ago I wasn’t thinking rationally. I was hurting. I was angry. I was

guilty.Stillam.Just…itdoesn’t…consumemeasmuchnow.”

“HaveyoueverconsideredgoingbacktotheNBA?”

“Honestly,no.I’m32yearsold,Charlie.”

“So?Koberetiredwhenhewasover32,right?AndIknowMichaelJordanwasoldwhenheretired.

Ican’tthinkofanyotherexamples,butyou’reyoungerthanbothofthem.”

Knight smiled and stretched his arm across the table with his palm forward, and I placed my hand

inside.

“Thisisreallysweetofyou,anditdefinitelymakesmefeelgood,but…thattimehaspassedforme.”

“Oh,so,youthinkyouwouldn’tbeabletohanganymoreiswhatyou’resaying?”

“What?Hellno.”

Thedisgustthatcoveredhisfacemademelaughasheyankedhishandfrommine.

“I’mjustsaying,Knight,ifyouthinkyoucan’thang…”

“Icanhang.”

“Thenproveit,”hisfacesoftenedashethoughtovermychallenge.“Youcanpracticewithme.”

Hissmilereturned.

“Practicewithyou?Whatyouknowaboutbasketball?”

“Icanplay!”

“Mane,whatever.”

“Ican!”

“Imamakeyouprovethatoneday.”

“Shit,wecanplaytonight.”

“Charlie,don’tplaywithme,girl.”

“I’mserious.Thatcanbewhatwedowhenweleavehere.”

Knightscratchedhisearandnodded.

“Cool.I’mdown.Nowtellmeaboutyou.I’vebeenwonderingaboutthattattoosinceIfirstsawit.”

Iranmyfingeroverthetattooonmywrist.Itwasmyfirstandonlytattoo.Theonethatprettymuch

summedmylifeuptothispoint.

“It’sthreedates.Mybirthday,thedayIwasdiagnosedwithmyheartcondition,andthedayIhadmy

hearttransplant.”

“Wow.Youhadahearttransplant?”

HisfacesoftenedasIsmiled.Thisconversationwaslongoverduebetweenthetwoofus.Itwasone

of the… no it was the reason why I’d been so guarded with him. He deserved to know the truth, but I

just…wasn’tsureifthiswastheplacetotellhimallofit.

Ourwaiterbroughtourentreesout,butKnightpushedhisfoodtothesideashiseyesandattention

remainedonme.

“Yea,um…whenIwasbornIhadaheartmurmurbutitwasn’tanythingserious.Ididn’tstarthaving

troubleoutofmyheartuntilIwas13.IwasonthemajoretteteamatmyschoolandIpassedoutduring

oneofourperformances.MyparentstookmetothehospitalbecauseevenafterIwokeupandrestedI

was still tired and out of breath. My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest and I was so

freakingscared.

Itstartedwithmehavingaproblemwiththeleftvalve.Thenitwastheleftandright.Thenmyheart

started to enlarge. And by 19, 10 years ago, I needed a new one completely. I’d exhausted every other

optionatthatpoint.Thetransplantwasmylastandonlyoption,andeventhatwasn’tguaranteedbecause

mybodycould’verejectedtheheart.

Butobviouslyitdidn’t,”Ismiledasatearfell,butitwasn’tasadtear,itwasaproudtear.

“Soyou’regoodnow?Idon’thavetoworryaboutyou…”

Hecouldn’tsayit.Hecouldn’taskit.

“Dying?”

Knightnoddedashisheadlowered.

“Well,mosttransplantpatientsaregiven10years.”

“10 years?” he repeated louder than I think he wanted to. “But that’s… now. You could die now?

Likeanydaynow?Whatthefuck,Charlie?”

IgiggledatthedistressedlookonhisfaceasIreachedforhishand.Hegaveittomehesitantly.I’d

cometogripswithmyfate.TherewasachancethatI’dliveafull,normallife,andtherewasachance

thatIwouldn’t.ThewayIlookedatit…peopledieyoungeveryday.Iwasjustgratefulfortheextratime

Iwasblessedwith.

“There’sareallygoodchancethatIcanlivejustaslongasyou.Myheartisstrongandhealthy.Itake

mymedicinedaily.IfIstartedtohaveanyproblemstheywouldupmydosageorchangemyprescription

andseewhatthatwouldleadto,butIthinkIhaveareallygoodchanceoflivingforaverylongtime.”

Henodded,buthedidn’tseemreassured.Andthat’swhenIrememberedwhatHarlemsaidabouthis

fearofloss.Howlosinghismothermadehimnotwanttofeel.Notwanttolove.Notwanttolose.How

hebasicallypreparedhimselftolosethepeoplehecaredabout.Icouldn’thelpbutwonderiftellinghim

aboutmyhearttransplantmadehimnolongerwanttopursueanythingwithme.

10years.Shewastoldshehadmaybe10yearstolive,andnowshe’sonyear10.NowthatI’vemet

herandstartedtofalldeeplyinlovewithhershe’sonyear10.She’sontheyearthatcouldendherlife

and change mine in the process. Yea, there was a chance that she could live longer, but what were the

oddsofthathappening?Really?

Iwasgoingtohavetodosomeheavyresearchonthis.TherewasnowayinhellthatIwasgoingto

fall in love with her only to lose her. No. I’d worked too hard to pull myself out of the hell losing my

mother had put me in. I wasn’t going to go back there. Not for love. Not when loving caused so much

fuckingpain.

The rest of dinner was quiet yet smooth. I didn’t want her to think her telling me that had changed

anything,butitkindofdid.Still,Iwantedtonighttobeallthatwebothneededittobe,sowhenwemade

ittomyhomeItriedtoshakethesadness,worry,andfearthatwasconsumingmeoff.

Iwasn’tevensureifusplayingbasketballwasagoodideaanymore.

Imean…whatifshepassedoutorsomeshit?

IsighedlouderthanIwantedtoasIcutmycaroff,andherhandreachedoverandgrabbedmine.

“I’mOK,Knight.Please,don’ttreatmeanydifferently.Ishouldn’thaveeventoldyou.I’msorryfor

ruiningtonight…”

“No,” I kissed her hand and cursed myself for not hiding my emotions better, but dammit, I felt

robbedbeforeitevenhappened.“Youdidn’truinanything.I’mgladyoutoldme.I’mgladyoutoldme,

Charlie.”

Sheturnedherheadandlookedoutofherwindow,andIknewIhadtolightenthisnightupbefore

she shut down on me again. I got out of the car and went to her side to let her out. We walked into my

homehandinhand.

“Where’sHarlem?”sheaskedaswewentupstairs.

“Spendingtherestoftheweekatherbestfriend’shouse.”

“Oh.Um…yourbasketballcourtisinyourbedroom?”

Ilookedatherandthehesitantlookonherfacemademesmile.

“No.It’sinthebackyard.Butyoucan’tplayinthatdress.”

Charlielookeddownatherselfandcursedunderherbreath.

“Iforgotallaboutthis.Ineedtogohomeandgetsomethingtowear.”

“Why?YoucanputononeofmyshirtsandHarlemisn’tthatmuchsmallerthanyou.I’msureshehas

apairofshortsyoucanputon.”

Shepulledherhandfrommineandslowedherstepsaswewalkedintomybedroom.

“Knight?”

AftercuttingthelightonIlookedather.

“What’sup?”

Herhandswentthroughherhairassheswallowedhard.

“There’ssomethingelsethatIhavetotellyou.ThereasonwhyIhaven’tdatedinyears.”

Therewasmore?

OhGod.

Isatontheedgeofmybedandranmyhanddownmyface.

“Goforit.”

Herfingersintertwinedinthecenterofherasshebitonhercheek.

“Well…Ihaveascarfrommytransplant,”hereyesblinkedrapidlyasshepulledherhandsapart.“It

starts here,” she pointed a few inches above her breasts. “And it ends here,” she pointed a few inches

underthem.“WhenIwas20,Iwasabouttogivemyvirginitytothisguy,”shesmiledastearsfell.“He

wasthefirstguyIeverfeltcomfortableenoughwithtoshowmybody.Myscar,”herfingersrandownthe

centerofherchest.Downthelengthofthescar.“Butwhenhesawit…”herarmswrappedaroundher

stomach.“Hisface…helookedatit…atme…likeitwasthemost…disgustingthinghe’deverseen.”

Thatexplainedallthebuttondownshirts.Allofthehighneckdresses.Shewasinsecure.Shewas

ashamedofherscar.Herhandstrembledassheusedthemtocoverherface.

“Igrabbedmyclothesandran.Ihaven’tshownanothermanmybodysince.Ihaven’thadthedesire

to.Untilyou,”shepulledherhandsdownbutavoidedmyeyes.“That’swhyIdon’tdate.Idon’tkiss.Itry

nottogetclosetomen.BecauseIknowthateventuallyit’sgoingtoleadtosexandthat’sjustsomethingI

can’tdo.Ican’tshowanothermanmyscarandhavehimlookatmelikethatagain.Itwould…Ican’t.”

MyheadloweredasIputmyelbowsonmythighs.Itallmadesensenow.Ineverwould’veguessed

she’d be ashamed, but now that I think about how she reacted to me when I would touch her… when I

tried to kiss her… how she’d pull at the top of her shirts when I looked her body over… it all made

perfectsense.

“Comehere,Charlie.”

Shetooksmallstepstowardsme,andwhenshestoodinfrontofmeIgrabbedherhandsandlooked

upather.

“Thatwasnotaman.Thatwasalittleboy.Alittleboywhodidn’tdeserveyou.Aman,”Iturnedher

aroundanduntiedthebackofherdress.“AmanwouldworshipthatscarandtheGodwhogaveyoua

secondchanceatlife.”

“Knight…”

Shegrabbedmyhandandtriedtostopme,butnothingwouldstopmefromcorrectingherfuckedup

way of thinking about herself. Her scar. Her story. Her blessing. I stood and took the thin straps of her

dressbetweenmyfingers.

“AmanwouldspendeverydayofhislifethankingGodforyours.Treatingyouliketheblessingand

miracleyouareforgracinghimwithyourlifeandpresence.”

Ipushedthestrapsdown,butitdidn’tfalltotheground.Shegrabbeditandclencheditinherfist.As

IsatbackdownIturnedheraroundtofaceme.

“Letitgo,Charlie.”

Ididn’tmeanjustthedress.Imeantthatmemory.Thatpain.Thatshame.Thatinsecurity.

“Knight,”herheadshookashertearsstartedtofallagain.“Don’tmakeme.Idon’twantittochange

thewayyouseeme.Whatyouthinkaboutme.”

“Letitgo,Charlie.”

Her eyebrows wrinkled as she chewed on her cheek again. She closed her eyes and dropped the

dress.HerhandscoveredherfaceimmediatelyasItookmytimelookingatthescar.Atthethingthathad

hersoafraidofmen.Ofme.Oflove.Ofsex.Ofherbody.

Iopenedmylegsalittlewider.Pulledheralittlecloser.

“This is what you’ve been hiding from me?” I ran my middle finger down her scar gently and she

shivered under my touch. “You thought this would make you less beautiful in my eyes? This makes you

even more beautiful to me. This makes you human. This makes you a survivor. This reminds me that I

didn’tjustdreamyouup.Thismakesyoureal,Charlie.”

I kissed the scar and her head flung back immediately. I worked my way up the scar, placing soft,

slowkissesoneveryinchofit.BythetimeIwasdoneshehadatightgriponmyneckandshoulderasshe

panted.

Standing,Icuppedhercheekandtoldhertolookatme.

“Youdon’thavetohideanythingfromme.Idesireyoujustthewayyouare.”

I brushed her tears away before placing both hands on her cheeks. The way she looked at me… it

wasdifferent.Itwaslikeshewasseeingmeforthefirsttime.LikeI’dsaidwhatshe’dneededtohear.

Whatshe’dlongedtohear.

Herhandsrandownmyarmsuntiltheyreachedmywristsandshesqueezedashereyesclosedand

opened.

Iclearedmythroatandputsomespacebetweenus.

“I’mgonnagettheshirtsowecanplay.”

Charliegrabbedmyhandandpulledmebacktoher.

“Don’tmakemeaskforit,”shewhispered.“Justgiveittome.”

“You’reavirgin,Charlie.Youshouldgivethathonorto…amanwhodeservesyou.Itshouldbea

specialmoment,beauty.”

“Youdodeserveme.Idon’tthinkI’lleverhaveamorespecialmomentthanthis.Unlessitcamewith

you.Makelovetome,Knight.Please.”

“Youdodeserveme.Idon’tthinkI’lleverhaveamorespecialmomentthanthis.Unlessitcamewith

you.Makelovetome,Knight.Please.”

Imeantthattoo.Nomanhadevermademefeelthewayhedid.Nomanhadevertalkedtomethe

wayhedid.Nomanhadeversoothedmethewayhedid.Mademefeelstronginmyselfyetweakforhim

thewayhedid.

AsifthatwasalltheconfirmationthatIwasreadythatheneeded,Knightpulledmeintohischest

andcoveredmylipswithhis.Hispeckswerejustassoftthefirsttimehekissedme,butthistimethere

wasanurgencytherethatwasn’tpreviously.

Histongueslidintomymouthashecuppedmyassinbothhandsandpulledmecloser.Givingmeall

ofhimtofeelagainstme.Icouldn’tkeepthemoanthatfellfrommylipsinside.Betweentheslowswirls

ofhistongue,hislipsclosingaroundmineandsuckingthemintohismouth,thefeelofhisdickagainstme,

andhishandssqueezingmyass…mypussywasthrobbingatthesamerateofmyheart.

Knightpulledawayfrommeonlytograbandhandfulofmyhairandtiltmyheadback.

“Areyousure?”heaskedashelookedintomyeyesintently.“Idon’tknowhowmuchteasingIcan

take.”

“I’mpositive.”

“Undressme.”

Iexhaledalong,quietbreathasIunbuttonedhisshirt.IfocusedattentivelyasIpulledhisundershirt

overhishead.AsiftherewasacertainwaytodothisandIwantedtogetitjustright.Ineededtogetit

just right. I moved down to his pants, and he continued to look down at me with that same intense,

inquisitiveglare.

Knightsteppedoutofhisshoesandpants.Therewasonlyonepieceofclothingleft.Hisboxers.I

lookedupathim…justtobesureifhewantedmetokeepgoing.Whenhelickedhislipsandcontinuedto

staredownatmeIputmythumbsinsideofhisboxersandpushedthemdownuntiltheyfelltohisfeet.

Thereitwas.

“Touchit.Itbelongstoyounow,”heassuredme.

Itouchedhisheadfirst.Thecrownfirst.AndassoonasIdidIfelthisprecumagainstmythumb.His

dickjumpedashebitdownonhislip.Liftingmyhand,Ilookedathiscumonmythumb.Itmademe…

curious.Mythumbwasinmymouth,andIwassuckingthetasteofhimoffofmebeforeIthinkeitherofus

waspreparedforit.

Knightliftedmeoffmyfeetandtossedmeoverhisshoulderashecarriedmetohisbed.Hishands

werepullingmypantiesdownassoonasmybodytouchedhisbed.Asinarushashewastogetmeinhis

bed,whenheremovedmypantiesandspreadmylegshismovementstopped.Hestaredatmypussyuntil

itthrobbedindesireforhim.

“I’m glad you’ve kept yourself hidden,” he confessed as he crawled deeper between my legs and

hoveredoverme.“NowI’llbetheonlymantoshowyouhowbeautifulandrareandsexyyouare.”

HisfingerswentintomyhairasIsmiledandranmineacrosshisscruffybeard.

“HowlongcanIadoreyou,Charlie?”

Myanswerwaslockedinsideofmybrainatthefeelofhisdickbetweenmylegsandtongueonmy

neck.Igrabbedhiswaistandsqueezedashisteethbitdownonme.

“Howlong?”

“Foraslongasyouwant,Knight.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

His lips were on mine again. Sucking. Tongue. Licking. Teeth. Biting. Me. Moaning. The trail his

mouthtooksentshiversthroughmybody.Iwatchedashekissedandlickedhiswaydownmybreasts.My

chest.Myscar.Mystomach.Untilhelandedbetweenmythighs.Nomanhadevermadeitthisfarbefore,

andthesmileonKnight’sfacemadeitclearthathewasgladaboutthatashispalmsgrippedmythighs

andspreadthemwidely.

Knight placed a kiss to my left thigh before running his lips and cheek over the place he kissed,

causingmybacktoarchoffthebedfromthefeelofhisfacialhairticklingme.Hedidthesametotheright

thighandgotthesamereaction.

“Thisisyourlastchancetobackout,”hewarnedme,onlytorunhistonguefrommyasstothetipof

myclit.

Lovingthesurgeofpleasurethatwelledupwithinme,Iinstructedhimto,“Dothatsomemore.”

Hesmiled,whichmademesmile,butwhenheranhistonguebetweenmybottomsetoflipsmysmile

fadedasIinhaleddeeply.Atfirsthislickingwasslow.Soft.Precise.Asifhewasgivingmetimetoget

usedtowhathewasdoingtome.He’dsuckmyclitintohismouthaftereveryfewlicks,butpullaway

whenmylegswouldstarttotrembleandcloseagainsthim.

ThenIfeltmyclitharden.AndIsawhimstickhistongueinsideofmeandpullmynectarout.Andall

of the reserve I had was gone. My hands went to his shoulders and I squeezed as I moaned and gave

myselftohowgoodhewasmakingmefeel.

His tongue was harder. His licks were faster. Fuller. His slurping was louder. His sucking was

harder.Itlastedlonger.Hestuckhistongueinsideofmedeeper.Hepulledmyclitandmypussylipsinto

his mouth and sucked and licked at the same time until my legs trembled. Until the walls of my pussy

throbbed.UntilIpushedhimawayandcriedout.UntilIcameforthefirsttimeinmylife.

And he watched. We watched. As my nectar slid out me and made its way down my pussy as it

throbbed.Knightmoanedasheloweredhimselftolickeverydropofmeup,notleavinganythingbehind.

Knight stood and walked over to his nightstand. He grabbed a condom and ripped it open as he

watchedmewatchhim.

“Idon’thaveanything,butthisisforyourprotection.I’mnottryingtogetyoupregnant,andIknow

I’mnotgoingtowanttopullout.”

Inoddedandgrabbedahandfulofmyhairasmylegsopenedandclosed.Ididn’tcareaboutanyof

thatrightnow.AllIcaredaboutwashavinghiminsideofme.I’mgladhethoughtenoughaboutitforthe

bothofus,though.

Knightrolledthecondomontohimself,andmyanticipationwasslowlybeingreplacedwithanxiety

asIwatchedit…asIwatchedhim…comebacktome.Nothinghadbeeninsideofmebutmyfingersand

tampons…andheexpectedmetofitallofthatinside?Hewaslong.Andwide.Andcurved.Andveiny.

And everything. And the sight of it standing straight up as he crawled between my legs again had me

swallowinghardandinhalingdeeply.

Hesecuredmylegsaroundhiswaistandpushedmyhairoutofmyface,andthewayhelookeddown

onmewithsuchcareandgentleness…itremovedanyanxietyIhad.

“Ifyouwantmetostopatanytimesayso.It’sgoingtohurtatfirst,butIpromiseI’mgoingtomake

youfeelgood.Youjusthavetorelax,Charlie.Donottenseupandfightit.Ineedthispussytostaywetfor

me.”

Inoddedandpulledhisfacedowntomine–tryingtousekissinghimasadistraction.Itworkedfora

littlewhile.Itworkedashebegantoslowlypresshiswayinsideofme.Bythetimehehadjusthiscrown

inIwasbitingdownonhislipandmoaning.

“That’sright,beauty.Biteme.Scratchme.Dowhateveryougottado.Butdon’ttenseup.”

Hewrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandcontinuedtoinchhimselfinsideofmeslowly,onlytopull

himselfoutcompletelywhenhewashalfwayin.Istartedtoaskhimwhatthehellhewasdoing,butthe

wetnessthathadcoveredhimfrominsideofmemadeitsomucheasierforhimtoslideinthesecondtime

around.Thistimehedidn’tgoininchbyinch.Thistimehepressedhimselfinsideofmeuntilallofhim

wasinside.

Imoanedandpulledhimcloser,wrappedmylegsaroundhimtighter,butitwasover.Hewasin.All

ofhim.

“AreyouOK?”heaskedbreathlessly.

Inodded,afraidthatifIspokemyvoicewouldsaytheopposite.Hepulledhimselfout,heatingmy

bodywiththefrictionofourdisconnect.Hepushedhimselfin,buryinghimselfasdeepinsideofmeashe

couldgo.Ourlipslockedasherockedhishipsagainstmine,butitstartedtofeelsogoodIhadtopull

away.

MoanswereeruptingfromwithinmesoconsistentlyIhadnocontroloverthem.Iwascursing.And

touchingandscratchingandsqueezinghisbodyinanyplaceIcouldgrab.Andmystomachwastightening.

Mypussywasholdingontohim.Tightly.Takinghisslow,deepstrokesandgivinghimwetnessinreturn.

Squeezing him and smacking against him and throbbing as I came. As my legs trembled and unraveled

againsthim.

Knight secured the back of my knees in the bend of his arms and spread my legs as wide as they

would go. His body rested against mine as he sank into me deeply. With his mouth next to my ear he

asked…

“CanIfuckyounow?”

Ididn’tthinkIcouldgetwetter.Getmoreturnedon.Butheprovedmewrong.Iranmyhandsdown

thebackofhisheadandplacedthemaroundhisneckasInodded.

“Yes.”

I wasn’t prepared to feel him even deeper, but that’s exactly what happened in this position. Each

stroke felt longer. Deeper. It was faster. Harder. His pelvis was brushing against my clit, making every

strokefeelmagnified.Makingeverymoanturnintocursesthatwereabruptlycutoffalongwithmybreath.

Makingmegrowcompletelysilentbeforecryingouthisname.Makingmestopbreathing.Makingmenot

careaboutnotbreathing.Makingmebreathehim.Makingmetrytopushhimaway,yetpullhimdeeper

intomebyhisthighs.

Iwasgone.Lost.Outofmyfuckingmind.Completelyunderhisspellinthismomentatthesametime.

AndthenhisheavybreathingturnedintomoaningandthatturnedintomynameandIcameagain.So

did he. Stopping his strokes while his dick throbbed inside of me. He moaned one last long time as he

pulledmyhairandshriveledupinsideofme.

Myarmsandlegswrappedaroundhim,andIheldon…likeI’ddieifIletgo.

“Youcan’tleaveme,Charlie.”

Knight lifted his head and looked into my eyes. My hand immediately went to his cheek and I

caressed it with my thumb. I had to live. Even if it was just for him. Even if it was just to avoid him

havingtotakeanotherloss.

“Iwon’t.”

“Promiseme,”heshookhisheadandloweredit.“Thatdoesn’treallymeananything.Shithappens.

Butitwoulddamnsuremakemefeelateasetohearyousayit.”

AsmallsmileliftedmymouthasIraisedupslightlyandkissedhim.

“Ipromise,Knight.I’mnotleavingyou.”

Heremovedhimselffrominsideofmeandsatontheedgeofhisbed.Ifoundmyselfwantingtostill

beattachedtohiminsomeway,soIrubbedhisbackuntilhestoodandwentintohisbathroom.Hecame

outafterstartingthewaterinhistubanddiscardingofthecondom,thenwentoutofhisbedroom.Whenhe

returneditwaswithabottleofbubblebath.

“Don’ttellHarlemIusedanyofthis.”

IsatupinthebedandsmiledasIshookmyhead.

Hecameforme.

Knightliftedmeoutofthebedandcarriedmeintohisbathroom.

“Youneedtosoaksoyouwon’tbetoosore.NowthatI’vehadyouIneedyouregularly.”

“Howregularly?”Iaskedasheplacedmeinsideofthewater.

“Daily.Atleastonceaday.I’dprefertohaveyoutostartandendmyday.”

Knightleanedagainstthewall,givingmetheperfectviewofhissmoothchestnutskin.

“Getinwithme.”

Hewastednotimegettingbehindmeandpullingmeintohischest.

“Charlie?”

“Yes?”

“Arewestillplayingbasketballtonight?”

Wespenthalfthenightplayingbasketball.Charliewasn’tbadatall.Notbadatall.Surprisedthehell

outofmehonestly.Iwasn’texpectinghertohaveanyrealtalentatit.Ithoughtshewasgoingtospend

mostofhertimetryingtodistractmeandgrabuponmelikemostwomendidwhentheytriedtoplaywith

me,butsheactuallyhadalittlegame.Thatonlymademelikeherevenmore.

Around four this morning we finally called it a night. We showered together and crashed. Charlie

wokemeupwithbreakfastinbed,thenIputherbacktosleepwiththisdick.Iconvincedhertospendthe

restoftheweekwithme,soIdroppedherofftofreshenupandpackabagwhileIstoppedbymypops

house.

CharlieandIwereinadamngoodspacetoday,buteverythingthatshesharedwithmelastnighthad

beenreplayinginmymind.Shewasavirgin.Shegavemehervirginity.Shegavemetheessenceofher

womanhood.Thatmademewanttokeepherevenmore.

Assweetandlovingassheis,toknowthatamanhadscarredinawaythatcouldhavebeenmore

permanentthanherphysicalscarreallyfuckedwithme.Icouldn’tunderstandhowanyonecouldwantto

doanythingbutloveandtakecareofCharlie’sass,butIwaskindofgladthathedidhurther.Hurtingher

made her shut down and remain perfectly preserved for me. And you better believe I planned on

showeringherwithalloftheloveshecouldstandfromthispointforward.

Evenwiththatdesire,Icouldn’tshakethefearoflosingher.Ofherdyingonme.Withme.Iplanned

ondoingsomeseriousresearchonhearttransplants.Ineededtoactuallyseeorevenmeetsomeonethat

waslivingwellovertheir10yearestimatedlifespan.UntilIwasabletodothat,IdidwhatIknewhow

todobest–prepareforloss.

That’s what led me to stopping by my father’s house. Yea, he was back to being my pops too. We

hadn’tspokensinceIaskedaboutHarlem,butnowIneededadviceandhewastheperfectpersontogive

ittome.

Iknockedinsteadofusingmykeyagain.AsfarasIwasconcerned,thiswasnolongermyhome.It

stoppedbeingthatwhenmymamadied.Heopenedthedoorandsigheddeeplywhenhesawme.Likehe

knewIwasabouttobeonsomeshit.

“Ididn’tcomeheretocauseanytrouble,”Ilethimknowquickly.Henoddedandleanedagainstthe

doorframe–crossinghisarmsandankles.“Didyoulovemymother?”

Hechuckledandshookhisheadashelookedtowardsthesky.

“OfcourseIlovedyourmother.Lovedhersomuchlosingherdestroyedme.Ilovedhertoomuch.

Couldn’tevenfunctionaftershewasgone.”

“Idon’twanttobelikeyou.WhenI…ifIeverlostthewomanIlovewithallofme…Idon’twantto

handleitlikeyou.TellmewhatIneedtodotonotbelikeyou.”

Hisheaddroppedasheranhishandoverthetopofit.Hesteppedtothesideandopenedthedoor

wider.

“Comein,son.”

I walked into the home I grew up in, the home I learned how to love and hate in, and this

overwhelmingheavinesscoveredme.Itwasn’tuntilIwasfacedwithlosingCharlie,awomanIhadjust

met,thatIbegantounderstandmyfather’sposition.ThatIbegantohavemymindopenedtohowlosing

mymothercould’vechangedhim.Andevenwiththatrealization,IstillunderstoodthatIwouldn’tbeable

toevenremotelyunderstandhowitfelttolosethewomanyousawforeverwith.

Thewomanyouspent30yearswith.Hadkidswith.Builtalifewith.Onlytohavetoseeherfacein

herchildreneveryday.

I felt guilt, but not the guilt that I’d been feeling over the years because of not being here for my

mother.IfeltguiltyabouthowI’dbeentreatingmyfather.Ifelltomykneesbeforehimandbeggedforhis

forgiveness–knowingwhenIgotupI’dbestronger.Wiser.Abetterman.KnowingthatbesidesGodand

myfuturewife,he’dbetheonlymanI’deverbowto.

Hisarmswrappedaroundmeashekissedthetopofmyhead.

“It’sOK,”heassuredmeasheliftedmetomyfeet.“Iknewthisdaywouldcome.It’sOK.”

Wehugged.Hard.AndIcried.Forhim.Formymother.Formysisters.ForCharlie.Criedforher

beforeIevenlostherbecauseIwasn’tsureI’dbeabletoifIdid.AfterIgatheredmyselfandhedidthe

samewewalkedintothelivingroomandsatdown.

“Youmetawoman,”hesaidmorethanasked.

“Whatmakesyousaythat?”

“That’stheonlythingthatwouldmakeyoucomehereandfeelmypainthewayyoudid.Loveisthe

onlythingthatmakesyoufeelthatkindofpain.”

IsmiledasIsatbackinmyseatandthoughtofCharlie.Imetmorethanjustawoman.Imetmyheart.

AndI’dbewillingtogiveherminesoshecouldstayhereandraiseourkidsifthetimeandneedever

arose.

“Yea.Imetawoman.”

“Youplanonmarryingher?”

“It’sstillearly.We’renotevencommittedtoeachother.”

“Youplanonmarryingher?”

WhowasIkidding?IknewtheminuteIlaideyesonCharliethatIwantedher.AndIknewwithin

secondsoftalkingtoherthatshe’dbemine.AndwhensherevealedherselftomeIknewshewastheone.

“Yea.Ifshe’llhaveme.”

“Don’ttakeherforgranted,”hiseyesshiftedtothepictureofhimandmymotherhangingonthewall.

“Value every day that you have her and make sure that she knows via your words and actions just how

muchyouloveandcherishher.Don’ttakeadvantageofher.Beloyalandfaithful.BethemanIraisedyou

tobe.Provideforher.Protecther.Giveyourlifeforyourfamilyifnecessary.

Cultivateherandmakeherbetter.Ifsheshouldleavethisworldbeforeyoudo…”heinhaleddeeply

ashisjawclenched.Hisheadhungbrieflyashelickedhislips.“Understandthatshewouldwantwhat

wasbestforyouandyourfamilywithher.She’dwantyoutolethergo.She’dwantyoutoliveforthe

bothofyou.Notinanger.Notinguilt.Notinpain.Butinlove.”

Hisheadshookashelookedinsideofhisemptyhands.

“Youcan’tloveherwithallofyourheart.You’vegottoloveherwithyoursoul.Loveherwithyour

spirit.Yourheartistheseatofyouremotions.Emotions…feelings…theychange.Theywaver.They’re

inconsistent.Yoursoulishowyouconnectwithhumans.It’syourmorality.It’swhoyouare.Atthevery

coreofyourbeing.

YourspiritishowyouconnectwithGod.Loveherwithyoursoulbyconnectingwithhermentally.

Bybeingthemansheneedstoleadher.LoveherwithyourspiritbygrowingclosertoGodandleading

hertohim.

Aboveall…keepinmindeverydayofyourlifethateverydayofyourlifeisnotguaranteed.Every

dayisagift.Apresent.Makethemostoutofeverydaythatyouhavewithher.Don’tworryaboutlosing

her.Don’tworryaboutmaterialisticthingsorthingsthatdon’tmatter.Thingsthatholdnotrueweightin

yourlife.Makememories.

Makememories.Don’texistandallowlifetopasseitherofyouby.Live.Exploreallthatlifehasto

offeryoutogethersothatwhenthedaycomes…becauseitwillcome…andoneofyouleaves…theother

willhaveenoughmemoriestoholdthemoveruntilyoumeetagain.”

He stood and went somewhere, giving me a lot to think over in his absence. When he returned he

handedmetheboxthatheldmymother’sweddingring.

“Don’tallowfeartorobyouofher.Don’twastetime.Whenyougettothepointofnotbeingableto

livewithouther…don’t.”

KnightandImadelove.Wefucked.Hekissedmyscar.Ranhisfingersupanddowniteverychance

hegot.Kissedmeeverychancehegot.

KnightandImadelove.

Afterwaiting29yearsIgavemyselftoaman.Finally.AndIdon’tregretitatall.

When it was time for me to leave this morning he asked me to stay for the rest of the week and I

wastednotimeagreeing!Ihadnoideawhathehadplannedforus,butIwould’vebeenfinejustsittingin

themiddleofhisbedstaringathimandlettinghimstareatme.

OnmywaybacktohisplaceIhadtostopbyaclient’shouseforapampersession–maniandpedi

alongwithaslightmassage.Ilovedthepampersessionsbecausetheyrelaxedthemomsandgavethem

timetofocusonthemselvesforachange.

AsIgrabbedmykitIreceivedacallfromHarlem.Sinceitwasthemiddleofthedayandherass

wassupposedtobeinclassIstartedtoworryimmediately.Idroppedthekitbackonthebackseatand

answeredhercall.

“Hey,sweetheart.What’swrong?”

“Hey,Charlie.Nothing.Whatyoudoing?”

Leaningagainstmycar,Ilookedatthephoneandsmiled.

“Harlem,aren’tyouatschool?”

“Yea, but I’m on lunch. Um… I was calling to see what the name of that show was that you

mentioned?IwannawatchitwithPrincesswhenwegetoutofschool.”

She had to either be talking about Longmire or Sneaky Pete. I remembered telling her about how I

hadn’thadhardlyanytimetowatchanyofmyfavoriteshowswhenwefirstmetandIwasstillworkingat

Bundle.Thedaywestartedputtingthebaby’sstuffupweendedupwatchingSpongeBobandAlvinand

theChipmunkstheentiretime.

Thosearetwoofmyfavoritestoo.They’rerelaxingandfunny.Don’tjudgeme.

“YoumeanLongmireorSneakyPete?”

“Yea,yea.Those.Whichonedidwewatchthatoneepisodeoflastweekwhenyoustoppedbythe

house?”

“ThatwasLongmire.”

“OKcool.Soooohowwastheauction?ItoldKnighttosendmeapictureofyoubutheforgot.”

JustatthementioningoflastnightandhisnameIstartedpiningforhim.Isqueezedmylegstogether

asIpulledatmyhair–wishinghishandwasintheplaceofmine.

“It was so much fun, Harlem. So much fun. I’ll send you a couple of pictures when we get off the

phone.”

“Knightwontheauction,right?Iknowhedid.Iknowmyboocamethrough.”

“Hetoldyouaboutthat?”

“Yep.Hewasnervousashell.Talkingaboutherefusedtoletanothermanclaimyou.Ihelpedhim

findsomethingtowear.”

Igrabbedmykitandusedmyhiptoclosethedoorwithasmile.

“Well,youdidagreatjobbecausehelookedamazinglastnight,andyes…hewon.”

Notjusttheauctionbutme.Myeyes.Myattention.Mybody.Myheart.Mysoul.Myall.Notbecause

ofthemoney.Itwasn’tlikethemillionwascomingtome.Butbecauseofwhatthatmillionrepresented.It

forcedmetoseehim.Seehisdesireforme.TherewasnowayIcouldignorehoweitherofusfeltfrom

thatpointforward.

“YaaaassssIhavetocallhimandgetallthedetails!I’lltalktoyoulater,sis.”

SheabruptlyendedthecallbeforeIcouldevensaygoodbye.Iwaslaughingsohardatherthinking

KnightwasgoingtosharethedetailsoflastnightwithherthatIdidn’trealizeshe’dcallmesisuntilI

wasatMya’sdoorputtingmyphoneuptoringthedoorbell.

Listen,Icouldn’thavemadeitbacktoKnightanyfasternomatterhowhardItried.Itfeltlike…there

wasnootherplaceI’dratherbethanwithhim.ThatwasallIcouldthinkaboutwhenIwaswithMya.

GettingbacktoKnight.IrushedbacktohisplaceasquicklyasIcould.

Itwasn’tuntilIgottherethatIfiguredIshouldaskifhewashungry.IcalledhimassoonasIpulled

into his driveway and asked if he had anything in there for me to cook. He told me that wouldn’t be

necessaryasheopenedhisfrontdoorandcameoutside.

Iheardthephonebeepfromhimdisconnectingthecall,butIstillheldittomyearasIwatchedhim.

Helickedhislipsandputhisphoneinthepocketofhisshortswithhisrighthandasheranhislefthand

overthetopofhishead.

Iknowthisisgoingtosoundsocorny,butashewalkedtowardsmycaritwaslikeeverythingaround

usfadedaway.Likehismovementswereinslowmotion.Hiseyebrowsliftedashelockedeyeswithme

andsmiled,andIwasstilljustsittingthereinthecarwithmyphonetomyear.

Knightopenedmydoorwithachuckle.Hetookmyphoneandputitinthesamepocketheputhisin,

thengrabbedmyhandandpulledmeoutofthecar.Hishandscuppedmycheeksandheusedthemtopull

meintohischest.Ontohislips.Igrippedthesidesofhisshirtasourtonguesconnected.

Mynippleshardenedinstantlyasheswirledhistonguearoundmineslowly.Thethoughtofhowitfelt

against my clit last night and this morning had my pussy throbbing as I bit down on my lip. His hand

movedfrommycheektomyjaw.KnightsqueezeduntilIreleasedmybottomlipandreturnedtokissing

his.

Withnocareorconcerntobeingoutsideinthemiddleoftheday,Itossedmyarmsaroundhisneck

andpulledustomycartogetmorecomfortable.

Hegroanedandloweredhishands–allowingthemtoroammybodyfreely.Theywereinmyhair.

Aroundmyneck.Squeezingmybreasts.Grippingmythighs.Liftingmythighs.Wrappingthemaroundhis

waist.Cuppingmypussy.Butwhenhedidthatandbrushedmyscarmybackarchedagainsthimasmy

entirebodyshuddered.

IwiggleduntilIwasbackonthegroundwithspacebetweenus.

“Youarenotabouttomakemecuminfrontofyourneighbors,”IreprimandedbreathlesslyasIran

myfingersthroughmyhairandpulleditoutofmyface.

“Imissedyou.”

Knightgrabbedmyshirtandreturnedmetohischest.

“Imissedyoutoo.Icouldn’twaittofinishwithmyclientsoIcouldgetbackheretoyou.”

“Thatsoundsgood,Charlie.Gettingbackheretome.”

Ismiledandturnedtograbmybagoutofthebackseat,buthestoppedmeandgotithimself.

“Thankyou.”

Igotmypurseandlockedmycarbeforefollowinghimintohishome.

“Imatakeyourbaguptomyroom.Youwannachangeintosomethingmorecomfortable?”

I looked down at the button down shirt I had on and up at him. His shirt would’ve been the most

comfortablethingIcould’veworn.Knightmademebold.Hemademefeelsexy.Hemademeconfident.

Hemademefeelcomfortableinmyownskin.IsmiledandloweredmyheadasIstartedtounbuttonmy

shirtandfollowhimintohisroom.

Hewalkedinfirst,andwhenIwalkedinandsawthathisbedwascoveredwithpizzaandsnacksI

gasped. Longmire was paused on his TV. Why was I about to cry? Why was I as emotional about

somethingsosimpleandthoughtfulasIwasforsomethingsoextremeandgrandlikewhathedidatthe

auction?MyhandswentfromthelastbuttononmyshirttomyfaceandIcoveredittohidethetearsthat

threatenedtofall.

ThiswaswhyHarlemcalledme.Forhim.

Knightundidthelastbuttononmyshirtandpulleditdown.Ihadtodropmyhandsinorderforhimto

gettheshirtoffcompletely,soIinhaleddeeplyandletmyhandsdown.ThesecondIdidoureyeslocked.

Hecontinuedtoremovemyshirtandbraashiseyesremainedonmine.

“IwantedyoutobesurprisedsoIhadHarlemtocallandask.Figuredwecouldjustchilltodaysince

youdidn’thavemuchtodoforyourclients.Unlessyouwannagoouttonight…”

MychestsmackedintohisasIhuggedhimtightly.Unsatisfiedwithourlackofcloseness,Icontinued

topushmyselfintohim…just…tryingtogetcloser.Knightchuckledashewrappedmylegsaroundhim

andheldmejustastight.Hekissedmyneckandletoutasoftsigh.

“Yousmellsogood,Charlie.Ihopeyoubroughtwhateverthehellthisscentiswithyou.”

“Knight…”IliftedmyheadfromhisshoulderandlookedfromhiseyestohislipsasIcaressedhis

scruffybeard.“Youcan’tdostufflikethis.”

Iinhaleddeeplyasmylipstrembled.Fightingterriblyhardnottocry.Nottobethatgirl.Theone

whohadn’thadthiskindofloveandcarefromamanbesidesfamily,soshedidn’tknowhowtoactwhen

shegotit.

“Whynot?”

Heliftedmyheadwithhisfingerundermychin.Ihadn’tevenrealizedI’dloweredit.

“It’sgonnamakemefallinlovewithyou.”

“Youdon’twantto?Iwannafallinlovewithyou.”

“Youdo?”

“Ido.Iamfallinginlovewithyou.”

“Youare?”

“Iam.”

“Oh.OK.That’sperfectcause…I’mfallinginlovewithyoutoo.”

Hesmiledbutitdidn’tlastlong.Itwasreplacedwithhimlickinghislipsandplacingmeagainstthe

wall. Longmire could wait for just a little while longer. I needed him inside of me… and the way he

tuggedatmyjeansletmeknowhewantedtobeinsideofmejustasbadly.

Bythetimewe’dfinishedwatchingthefifthseasonofLongmireandfirstofSneakyPeteitwaswell

into the next morning, but neither of us was in a rush to go to sleep. For me, we’d spent so much time

runningawayfromeachotherthatnowthatIhadherIdidn’twanttowasteanytime.Notevensleeping.

Eithershefeltthesamewayorwasusedtostayinguplateandwasjustgoingwiththeflow.

We’dclearedthesnacksoffthebedbynowandwerejust…talking.Charliewassittingatthetopof

the bed and I was laying across the middle. I wanted to get to know her better. I wanted to know

everythingabouther.Whatmadeherhappy.Whatpissedheroff.Whatturnedheron.

Iwantedtobeabletocontrolheremotionsatalltimes.IwantedhertowantmejustasmuchasI

wantedher.Iwantedustobesoconnectedandintunewitheachotherthatanothermancomplimenting

herandtryingtosnatchherfrommewouldbeaninsulttoher.

She’djustfinishedtellingmeabouthergoals.Howshewantedtogetastorefrontforherbusiness

andlinkupwithafewbabysupplieswholesalerstostockherstore.Shewantedtoupherclientelefrom

10clientsperseasonasshecalleditto20.Howshewantedtohireanassistant,preferablysomebody

namedBrea,soshewouldbeabletoenjoythefruitsofherlabormore.

Thensheaskedmewhatmygoalswere.Ihadn’tsharedthemwithanyonebefore,soitwasalittle

awkwardformetostart,butwhenIdiditwasnatural.

“I want to start some kind of program for kids. Where basketball and business are connected.

Something that they can do from the start of high school to graduation that will guarantee them an

academicscholarshipiftheycompletetheprogram.Ialsowanttogointo…”

Charliesmiledwidelyasshepulledherkneestoherchestandwrappedherarmsaroundthem.She

placed her chin on top of her knees and stared at me with such interest and attention that I just…

completelylostmytrainofthought.

“What’swrong,Knight?”

HersmilefellandIshookmyheadasIrelaxedmyfaceandtriedtopullmyselfoutofherspell.

“Nothing.Ijust…youlookingatmelikethat…listeningtome…mademeforgeteverythingIhadto

say.”

Hersmilereturnedasshecrawledovertome,makingmydickgrowwitheachinchofspacethatshe

removed from us. Charlie made herself comfortable on my lap. Running her hand down the back of my

headasshestaredintomyeyes.

“Youneverhadawomanlistentoyoubefore?”

“I guess not. Not in a way that made me feel like they were actually interested or genuinely cared

aboutwhatIhadtosay.”

Shekissedmylipssoftly.Andslow.Givingthemenoughtimetolingerthereandleavehowshefelt

behind.

“WellIaminterested.Idocare.Iamlistening.Socontinue.”

Icouldn’trightaway.Ikissedherchinandherlipsthroughhersmile.Thenthesideofhermouth.

“WhatwasIsaying,beauty?”

“Scholarshipprogram.Youalsowanttogointo?”

“Right.Right.Coaching.”

“Onwhatlevel?”

“Definitely not the NBA. Not anymore. Before Harlem got pregnant…” and before I met her… “I

wantedtocoachintheNBA,butitjusttakesuptoomuchtime.Iwouldneverbehome.Evenduringthe

off season I’d have to be with the team helping them train. I’d have to be on the road scouting new

players.TheonlyreasonI’mcompletelyfreenowiswithannouncingIonlyhavetobewiththemforthe

offseasongames,andthosewon’tbehappeningforalittlewhile.

I’mnotsurehowthingsaregoingtoturnoutwithherandPage…”

“Tage,Knight.”

“Withhim,andIjustwannabehereforher.Withthatbeingsaid,collegeorgradeschoolwouldbe

cool.Highschoolmightbeperfect.EspeciallyifIgetmyprogramupandrunning.Maybeputsomething

together with mid-south high schools and colleges where the players can take a couple of business

courseswhileinhighschoolthatwillcountascreditswhentheystartcollege.Keepthemfrombeingin

thepositionIwasinwhenIwasinschool.”

“Andwhatpositionwasthat?”

“Havingtochoosebetweenstayinginschoolandfinishingmydegreeordroppingoutandlivingmy

dream.”

“Youregretthechoiceyoumade?”

“Not because I missed out on my degree. I have more than enough money and it’s working for me

becauseIknowhowtoinvestandflipit.ButIdoregretitbecausehadIstayedinschoolIwould’vebeen

homeandgraduatedlikemymomwantedmeto.”

Ididn’twanttogointothatdepressingshit,soIcutheroffthesecondhereyessaddened.

“Idon’twanttogothere,Charlie.Notrightnow.Ifeeltoogoodwithyourightnowtogothere.”

Shenoddedandrestedherforeheadonmine.

“Doyouthinkshewould’velikedme?”

Her hands went from the back of my head to my cheeks. I pulled her closer and rubbed her pussy

againstmydickintheprocess.Thefeelofherwetnessandheathadmelosingmytrainofthoughtagain.

“Knight…”

“Yea,babe?”

“Isaiddoyouthinkshewould’velikedme?”

“Shewould’velovedyou,Charlie,”wesatinsilenceforawhilebeforeIaskedher,“Ifyouhadthe

timeandmoneytodoanythinginthisworldwhatwoulditbe?”

“Travel. A lot,” she smiled and went off into her own little world. “I want to be able to travel a

minimumofonceamontheverymonthbynextyear.Thegoalistoeventuallyhaveateamworkingforme

soIwon’thavetoworkunlessIwantto.Thenallofmytimewillbefreeduptoexploreothersidesof

life.Liketravelingand…”hereyesreturnedtomine.“Iwannagetmarriedandhavecurlyhairedbabies.

Doyouwannagetmarried,Knight?”

“Ingeneralortoyou?”

Herheadloweredasshetriedtohidehersmile.

“Ingeneral.”

“Don’tbeapunk,Charlie.”

“Knight!”

Shetriedtoremoveherselffrommylap,butIheldontoherwaist.

“You don’t give a damn if I want to be married in general. Your only concern is if I want to be

marriedtoyou.Right?”

Andshehadeveryrighttowanttoknowthat.Ididn’tbelieveinwastingawoman’stime.Leading

heronandmakingherbelieveshehadmoreofachancewithmethansheactuallydid.Itwasn’tuntilnow

thatIrealizedCharlieandIdidn’tevenhaveatitlebetweenus.

Iguesswhenyouknowhowyoureallyfeelaboutsomeoneandwhatyouwanttogivethemandget

fromthem…noneofthatothershitreallymatters.Still,asawomansheneededtoactuallyhearmesay

howIfelt.WhatIplannedonshowingherthroughmyactions.

HereyesreturnedtominealongwiththatsmilethatIswearIcouldn’tgetenoughof.

“Right.”

“I do. I wanna marry you,” her chest inflated as she took in a deep breath. “Haven’t given it much

thought, but I’ve known for quite some time that this whole you walking out of my life after Hayden is

bornthingwasbullshit.Iwasn’tsurehowIwasgoingtokeepyouforever,butIknewimmediatelythat

youwerethekindofwomanthatneededtobekept.Butonlybyme.”

Hereyebrowswrinkledinfrustrationasshechewedonhercheek.Ithoughtshewasabouttosayshe

wasn’treadytohearthatyet.Thatshedidn’tfeelthesame.ThatIwasinthisalone.Butwhatshedidsay

shatteredwhatlittleguardsIhadleftup.

“Makemewhatyouwant,Knight.Makemewhatyouneed.”

“Charlie…youalreadyare.”

Sheclosedhereyesandinhaleddeeply,andItookadvantageofthatmoment.Ikissedherandheld

her as she melted into me. Her arms wrapped around my neck as mine went around her waist. Small,

delicate fingers ran down the back of my head. Soft sighs of pleasure fell from her lips. This girl was

goingtobethedeathofmeandshehadnofuckingcluethekindofpowershehadoverme.

Ipulledaway,onlytostandandwalkovertomynightstand.NomatterhowmuchIwantedtofeelher

walls in their most vulnerable state, I would always wear a condom. She had a plan for her life and I

wouldnotbethefuckboythatruineditbygettingherpregnant.EvenifIdidplanonmarryingherand

beingtherewithherandourseedeverystepoftheway.

Weweregoingtodothistherightway.Herway.Withusfallingcompletelyinlovewitheachother.

Enjoying each other selfishly. Getting to know each other as friends, lovers, spouses… and then as

parents.

Isatontheedgeofthebedandpulledmyshirtoverherhead.ForsomereasonIwasfascinatedwith

herscar.Thethingshewasashamedofmost…Icherishedmost.Ifoundittobethemostbeautifulpartof

her.MaybebecausedeepdowninthebackofmyheartormindorbothIknewsheneededmeto.AndI

wantedtogiveherallthatshewantedandneeded.

Itwaseithergoingtoberippingherpantiesofforpushingthemtotheside.Allowinghertogetup

andtakethemoffwasn’tanoptionatthispoint.Icouldn’ttakemylapnothavingherthereanymore.

Charlieliftedmyshirtovermyheadbeforereturningherlipstomine.Iopenedthecondomandslid

itonasquicklyyetcarefullyasIcould.

“Isitwetforme?”Iaskedagainstherlips.

Ididn’tmindforeplay.Infact,Ilovedforeplay.IunderstoodthemoreIpleasedawomanthewetter

she’d be. The more she’d accept me. The more pleasurable it would be for me. But right now, I just

neededtobeinher.Inmywoman.

“Always.”

Thatalonehadmeclosetoexploding,butIwouldnevergetminebeforegivingherhers.Igripped

herhipsandliftedherenoughtoslideherbackdownontome.Shemadeherwaydowncarefully.Asif

shewasfightingitjustashardasIwas.Andbythetimehertightnessandwetnesshadmoldedagainstme

Iwascursingundermybreathandkeepingherstill.

LikeIhadn’thadherwhenshefirstgothere.

LikeIhadn’thadhertwicethedaybefore.

LikeIcouldn’tgetenoughofher.

Icouldn’t.

Herinexperiencedidn’ttakeawayfromthefactthatherpussywasthebestI’deverhad.Yea,I’m

sure it had a lot to do with how good that shit felt. How submissive she was to my control. How wet

she’dgetforme.ButmorethanthatithadtodowiththefactthatwhenIwasinsideofherIfeltwhole.

Theactoffillinghermademefeelwhole.Nothingornoonehadevermademefeellikethatbefore.

Nothing or no one had ever made me feel like I belonged. Charlie made me feel like I belonged

insideofher.LikeIbelongedtoher.

Iusedherhipstohelphergetusedtoridingme.Helpedherfindtherhythmthatgaveherthemost

pleasure.Iwatchedher.Watchedherenjoyhavingmeinsideofher.Watchedherheadflingback.Herlips

trembleasshewentupandmoanasshewentdown.

Iwatchedherlookdownattheconnectionofusindisbelief.Watchedherwatchhercreamcomeout

ofherandsaturateme.Watchedhercircleherhipsandfindherspot.Hereyesfoundmineinsurpriseat

howgooditfelttoher.Icouldn’thelpbutsmileandlayback.Givemyselftoherforherusetotallyand

completely.

Shewentin.Upanddown.Sidetoside.Circlingherhips.Slowandlong.Fastandhard.Deep.Until

her orgasm caught her by surprise. With her being on top it was far more powerful than any she’d had

before.Ihadtositbackupandkeepherfromfalling.

Charliegiggledasherorgasmsubsided.

“Ilovethewayyoufeelinsideofme,Knight.Youfeelsofuckinggood.”

I pulled her down to me for a kiss as I began to thrust up and into her. The added friction had her

grabbingmyarmsandsqueezingasshemoanedintomymouth.

“Thisismypussynow,”IinformedherasIswitchedpositionsandplacedheronherback.Lifting

herassofftheedgeofthebed,Icontinuedthefrictionofourbodiescollidingfromdifferentdirections.

BringingherbackandforthontomydickasIcircledmyhips.Herlegsbegantocloseassheswitched

betweenmoaning,whimpering,andnotbeingabletomakeasoundatall.

“Thisismygoodpussy.You’remygoodthing.Youbelongtome,Charlie.Doyouhearme?”

“Yes!”shescreamedasshecameandconvulsedagainstme.“Yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,”shemuttered

asIplacedhershakingbodycompletelyonthebed.

Stillgoinginandoutofheruntilmyownreleasehitme.IstoppedmovingimmediatelyasIcame,but

thatdidn’tstopherfromsqueezingherwallsandmovingherhipsagainstme.Makingmegruntandcrash

downontoherasmytoescurled.

Herarmsandlegswrappedaroundme,astheydideverytimewefinished,andshekissedmyneck

andfacerepeatedlyasIstruggledtocatchmybreath.

The gala was tonight and I had so much to do to get ready. I had to meet with a new client this

morningbeforedeliveringapostpregnancypackagetoEvelyn.WhenIdelivereditIendedupbeingover

thereforanadditionalhourbecauseshewantedtotalkaboutAdamandhisinfidelity.AfterIleftherIhad

togotoBundledtotakepicturesofpracticallyeverythinginthestoreforoneofmyhighriskclients.She

wasonlyfivemonthsandhadbeenplacedonbedrestalready.

OnceIhadallofthatdoneIplannedonheadinghometomeetDejasoshecouldstartonmyhairand

makeup,butKnightwantedmebackhome…no.WhatamIsaying?That’snotmyhome.That’shishome.

Knightwantedmetocomebacktohisplace,soItoldmybestietomeetmeoverthere.

AfterthedayItoldhimthatI’dhadIwasreadytojusttakeanapandgetready,buthecalledandtold

methathehadanappointmentmadeformeatthespa.Whodoesthat?Whomakesyouanappointmentat

the spa and pays for it just because you mentioned to him that you were having a crazy day? Knight

Carver.

Icamehome…IcametohishomeandreceivedthesamegreetingfromhimthatI’dgottentheday

before–himmeetingmeforahugandakiss.SwearIcouldgetusedtothis.Wechilledforabitbefore

Dejacametoworkhermagiconme.

NowIwassittinginachairinhislivingroomassherolledmyhair,thinkingofsomethingspecial

thatIcoulddoforKnight.Icrossedmyleftlegovertherightandtwistedmymouthinthought.Whatdid

helike?Basketball.Goingtothegym.FromthebookshelfinhisclosetIgatheredthathelikestoread.

MostlyhistoricalandeducationalstuffthatI’dneverthinkaboutreading.MaybeIcouldgethimanew

booktoaddtohiscollection.

“Beauty!”heyelledfromhisroom.

Dejanudgedmyshoulderandmadethisweirdnoiseteasingme.

“Shutup,Day,”Iturnedmyheadtotheleftsometowardsthestairs.“What?”Iyelledback.

“Isshedoneyet?”

“Shejuststarted,Knight.”

“Canyoutakeabreak?Ineedyoutofindmesomethingtowear.”

“Youhaven’tpickedanythingtowear?”

Hewassilent.Toosilent.

“Deja!”heyelledashecompletelyignoredmyquestion.

“What?”sheaskedfightingbackherlaugh.

“Isshecoming?”

DejaandIlaughedasIstoodandmademywaytohim.Ifoundhiminhisclosetscratchinghishead,

lookingfromonepieceofclothingtotheother.IshookmyheadasIpushedhimbackgentlyandstepped

infrontofhim.

“Knight,halfofthisstuffisbrandnewwithtagsonit.Doyougoanywhere?”

“NotwhileI’mhome.IgooutwhenI’montheroad,butIbuystuffinwhatevercityI’min.”

Not finding what I wanted, I turned and looked on the opposite side of his closet. My eyes were

capturedimmediatelybyred.ThesameredasthedressIwasgoingtowear.Itookafewstepsforward

andgrabbedthejackettoseeitupclose.

“Thisisgorgeous.Elegant.Classy…”itwasaSebastianCruzCoutureslimfittingredpaisleyjacket.

It had the baddest flower designs covering the entire jacket. I ran my hand over the satin shawl collar

beforedoingthesametotheblackpocketsquarewithwhitetrim.“Andit’sthesamecolorasmydress.”

Ihandedthejackettohimandwentovertohisshirts.

“Youaregoingtolooksosexyinthat,”andassoonasthatthoughthitmeIwasthinkingaboutpicking

somethingelseforhimtowear.Knightwouldalreadygetlotsofattentionbecauseofhowhandsomehe

was.ThelastthingIwantedtodowasaddtohissexinessandbeirritatedtheentirenightfromwomen

lookingathimoreventryingtoflirtwithhim.IreachedforitasIsaid,“Maybeweshouldpicksomething

else.”

Helaughedasheliftedthejacketoutofmyreach.

“No,girl.Youwantmeinthis,thisiswhatI’mgoingtowear.Nowfindmeashirtandsomepants.

Putitonthebedwhenyou’redone.”

Knightsmackedmyassandleftmealoneinthecloset.Ichoseablackshirtthathehadwithwhite

trimandbuttons,blackpants,andapairofblackFerragamoloafers.PleasedwithwhatIhad,Iwentover

tohisbed.Idroppedtheshoesatthefootofit,thenplacedthepantsandshirtonthebednexttothejacket.

Andthat’swhenInoticedtwoplaneticketsontopofthejacket.

IlookedtowardstheopeneddoorofthebathroomasIgrabbedthetickets.

“Knight?”

“Yea,babe?”

Readingoverthedateonthetickets,Isatonthebedandallowedasmiletocovermyface.

“Midnighttonight,”Iwhisperedtomyself.“Knight?”

“Yea?”

“You’regoingtoVegas?”

Hecametothebathroomdoorandleanedagainstthedoorframe.

“We’regoingtoVegas.”

“Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

Iwashappy.Iwassurprised.Iwasexcited.ThenIwasworried.Whataboutmyclients?Whatabout

if this doesn’t last forever and I get used to this spontaneous, nice, romantic man and feel lost without

him?

“What’sthematter?”heaskedashewalkedovertome.

“Ican’tjustupandflytoVegastonightandstayuntil,”Ilookedatthereturndate.“Mondaymorning.”

“Whynot?”

“Well,whataboutmyclients?”

“Didn’tyousayyouwantedtohireanassistant?Thisweekendwouldbetheperfecttimetoseehow

shewoulddowithoutyou.IfyourclientsneededanythingfromnowuntilMondayshecouldhandleitfor

you.”

Thatmadesense.BreaandIhadbeentalkingabouthercomingtoworkformealot.Shealreadyhad

experience packaging and making deliveries. The only thing she wouldn’t be able to do was pamper

sessionsanddeliveries.Ididn’thaveanypamperingsessionsscheduledforthisweekend,andnoneofmy

clientswereduetogointolabor.

Whatwasthepointofhavingmyownbusiness,time,andmoney,nottomentionthisgorgeousman,if

Ididn’ttakeadvantageofit?Ifwelefttonight,we’dhaveallofSaturdayandSundaytoourselvesbefore

havingtoreturnhomeMondaymorning.

Mondaymorning.

IhadtomeetwithDoctorBerry.

Mondaymorning.

Iwassupposedtobegoingbackhome.

Fine.

“OK.Ican’tbelieveyoudidthis.Thisisgoingtobesomuchfun,Knight.Thankyou!”

Ijumpedintohisarmsandgavehimthereactionhewasprobablyhopingfor.Ourlipsconnectedlong

enoughtohavemypantiesgrowingwetbeforeIpulledaway.

“Ibetterfinishgettingready,”Isaidasheputmedown.

“Yea.Iagree.OtherwiseyourbestfriendisgoingtohearthesoundsyoumakewhenI’mdeepinthat

pussy.”

“Wow,”IturnedatthesoundofKnight’svoice.Dejawasrunningherfingersthroughmybig,loose

curlsonefinaltimebeforesheleft.“Youlook…”Knightshookhisheadashelookedmeoverfromhead

totoe.“Stunning.You’rebeautiful,Charlie.”

IblushedandloweredmyheadasDejaexcusedherself.

“Thanks, Knight. You’re very handsome tonight. Not that you aren’t handsome every night, but that

redagainstyourskinjust…takesyoutoanotherlevel.”

“Asitdoesyou.”

Ilookedatmyselfinthemirrorashewalkedovertome.Thered,sleevelessgownthatIworewas

tightfittingatthetopandlooseandflowyatthebottom.

“Ihopeyou’repreparedtobereapplyingthisredlipsticktheentirenight,”hewarnedme.

“Noneed.It’slipstainsoitwon’tbecomingoffanytimesoon.”

“Good.”

Hislipsseizedmineandhepulledmeintohim–lettingmefeeleveryinchofwhatI’ddonetohim.

“I’mheadingout,Lie!Havefun!”Dejayelledfromdownstairs.

“Thankyou!”IrepliedasIlickedKnightoffmylips.

Hetookastepbackandreadjustedhisjacket.

“We need to go before we end up not going at all,” Knight grabbed his phone and keys from the

dresser.“HaveyouheardfromHarlem?Shewantedtocomeandtakepicturesbeforewe…”

The door opened and closed again and we heard Harlem talking on the phone. I followed Knight

down the stairs anxiously. I could’ve skipped the gala entirely at this point, but we’d already missed

casinonightsoIwantedtoatleastgoforanhourortwo.HarlemendedhercallatthesightofKnight,and

whenhesteppedtothesideandshesawmeshesquealedandgrabbedKnight’shand.

“Y’allfuckeddidn’tit?”

“Harlem!”

Knight pulled his hand away from her as I hung my head, trying and failing horribly at holding my

laughin.

“Excuseme.Y’allhadsexdidn’tit?”

“Thatain’tnoneofyourdamnbusinesscrazyasslilgirl!”

“Youdon’thavetotellme.IseeitalloverCharlie’sface.”

ThatgotmetoliftmyheadandlookfromhertoKnight.

“Whatthehelldoesthatmean,Harlem?”Knightaskedgettingallupinherpersonalspace.

“She’sglowing.ShehastheIbeengettingmesomedi–she’sglowing.”

“Whatyouknowaboutglowingfromsex?”

Harlem pointed towards her stomach with a confused look on her face and I laughed even harder.

Knightlookedlikehewasabouttopopavessel,soIwalkedovertohimandwrappedmyarmaroundhis

waist.

“Y’allacouplenow?Youcanatleasttellmethat.”

“Harlem,you’vegotaboutthreesecondstotakeyourpicturesandgetoutbeforeIstrangleyou.”

“Youwouldn’tdarestrikeapregnantladywouldyou?”

Helookedatherforallofabouttwosecondsbeforeshewastakingourpicture.Itriedtohideit,but

Ikindofwantedtoheartheanswertothattoo.Wereweinarelationship?Imean…IknowhesaidthatI

belongedtohimandallofthat…butwasthatjustmanlysextalk?Ordidhereallymeanthat?Ineededto

hearhimliterallysaythatwewereinarelationshipbeforeIbelieveditwasreal.

AssoonaswemadeittothegalaIwasreadytogo,butweknewthatwehadtomakeanappearance.

Thegalawasouridea.Wehadtobehere.Twohourswastheallottedtimeweagreedon.Wewereten

minutesawayfromthatwhenIfixeduswhatwouldbeourlastdrinkofthenight.IhandedCharliehers

andwasabouttotakeasipfromminewhenIheardsomeonecallmyname.

“CoachFrank?”ImumbledasIturnedaround.

Coach Frank. My high school basketball coach. He was the reason I was in the position I was in

today.WhenIstartedmyninthgradeyearhewastheassistantcoach.Theheadcoachatthetimedidn’t

seethetalentandpotentialIhad.Becauseofthat,heneverhadmeinthestartinglineup.

Coach Frank went to bat for me and made sure that I was in the starting lineup whenever we had

scoutsinthebuilding.Eventuallyitbecamethenormforeverygame.Bymyjunioryear,hewasthehead

coachandIwasthecaptainoftheteam.

Isatmydrinkdownandweshookhandsandhugged.

“CoachFrank,it’sgoodtoseeyou,man.Howareyou?”

“I’mgood.Good.Notasgoodasyou,though.Whoisthisbeautifulwomanyouhaveherewithyou?”

CharlieputherdrinkdowntoshakehishandasIintroducedthem.

“ThisismygirlfriendCharlieWhite.”

Herheadjerkedtowardsmewithhermouthopeninshockbeforeshecloseditandsmiled.Coach

laughedasIlookeddownatherindisbelief.Mysillyasswoman.

“Why are you looking like that, Charlie? What did you think I meant when I told you that you

belongedtome?”

SheshruggedandremovedherhandfromCoach’sabsently.

“Idon’tknow.Imean…Ijusttho–”

I kissed any doubts she had away before she could even let them fall out of her mouth. When I

releasedhershetookastepbackandstaredatmelikeshewantedmetothrowherontopofthetableand

havemywaywithher.

“Imeantthatshit,Charlie,”wasallIsaid.

Charlielickedherlipsandnoddedbeforehuggingmeinthattightwaythatsomehowmademefeel

free.Onlywithher.IsmiledandkissedherneckasIhuggedherback.

“Canwegonow?”herarmswentfromaroundmynecktomychest.Shelookedintomyeyesasshe

unbuttonedmyjacket.“Please?”

I grabbed her hand and was about to lead her out of the ballroom, but the sight of Coach Frank

remindedmethatI’dforgottenallabouthim.

“Shit.Myfault,Coach.”

“Ohnoneed.Youtwohavefun.”

HetippedhisdrinkatmeandwinkedatCharlie.Thatwasallittookforhertogetembarrassed,but

shewasn’tabouttochangehermindonmeandtrytomakeusstay.Iquicklyledheroutoftheballroom

andtomycar.

“I’msoembarrassed.HeprobablythinksI’mcrazy.”

“Hemightthinkyou’realittlecrazy,buthethinksI’mcrazytoosothatmeansyou’reperfectforme.”

Shegiggledandwrappedherarmsaroundmineaswerushedtothecar.

Vegaswasamazing!Itwasn’tmyfirsttimevisiting,butitwasmyfirsttimevisitingandfeelingso

aliveandfree.IreturnedtoMemphisfilledwithloveandpositivitythatIbelievednoonecouldpullme

outof–untilIwalkedintoDoctorBerry’soffice.

Heofferedmetheseatacrossfromhisandreleasedaloud,stressedbreathashesatdown.Myheart

begantobeatatamorerapidpaceasIwatchedhimtaphispenonhisdeskwhilehestaredatme.Asif

hewastryingtofigureouthowhewasgoingtosaywhateveritishecalledmeintosay.

During our stay in Vegas, Knight and I showered together. During that shower things got a little

heated,whichledtomebeingpushedundertheshowerhead.ThesemistraighthairthatIwasenjoying

forthepastfewdayswasnowgoneandreplacedwithmynaturalcurls.Ihaditallpulledupintothebun

I'dputitinafterourshower.It'sashametosay,butIcan'tdomuchofanythingwithmyhairwhenit'sin

itsnaturalstate.It'stoomuchofit.Toowild.Toobig.Toofull.Toolong.Toocurly.ButIloveit.Andso

doesKnight.

Anyway,IsqueezedattheballonthetopofmyheadaboutfivetimesbeforeDoctorBerryplacedthe

penonhisdeskandcuppedhishandstogether.Hesighedagainandshookhishead.Wouldhejustspillit

already???Whatcouldhepossiblyhavetotellmethathewasdreadingthismuch?Couldn'thavebeen

anythingaboutmyhealth.Myfamily.Whatwasthefreakingproblem?

“Charlie, there's something that you should know. Something that you should've known a long time

ago. I… we never thought it would matter, so that's why I never said anything. I can't speak for anyone

else.”

“Justtellmewhatyouhavetotellme,Dr.Berry.”

Herubbedhishandoverhisfaceandsighedagain.

“DoyouknowKnight’sfamily?Hismother?”

“Iknowhisyoungestsister.Harlem.Iknowthathehasanotherone,butI'venevermetherbefore.Or

hisfather.AndIknowthathismotherdiedyearsago.Why?IssomethingwrongwithKnight?”

Hescratchedthebridgeofhisnoseandlookedtowardsthedoor.

“No,Charlie,”hiseyesreturnedtome.“Doyouknowhismother’sname?Whenshedied?Howshe

died?”

Growingfrustratedwiththis20questionsgame,Isatupinmyseatandplacedmyhandonhisdesk.

“Justtellmewhatyouhavetotellme,”Irepeatedwithmoresternnessinmyvoicethanbefore.

“His mother died 10 years ago. Same day of your heart surgery,” not catching the connection I

continuedtostareathiminsilence.“HismotherwasAngela.AngelaCarver.”

What

The

Fuck.

NotmyAngela.

NottheAngelawhochoseme.

Whogavemeherheart.

No.

That

Thatcouldn'thavebeenhismother.

HowcouldIhavenotputtwoandtwotogetherwiththemhavingthelastname?

“Angela?Hismother’snameisAngela?”

My heartbeats sped up. They grew harder. My heart thumped against my rib cage wildly. And my

breathingcameoutjustasfastandhard.Tryingnottogointoapanic,Ipushedmyseatbackandleaned

forward.

“NotmyAngela.Nottheonewhogavemeherheart,”Ilookedathimwithpleadingeyes.“Thisis

anotherAngelaCarver.Right?Notthesameone.”

His silence was my answer along with his hung head. All of the open space that was in his office

beforebegantoclosearoundme.Thewallsgrewtighterandtighter.Pulledthemselvesaroundmecloser

andcloser.

“OhmyGod.”

Istoodandpacedaroundthesuddenlywaytoosmallspace.

“Howcouldthisbe?He's…he'snotgoingtowanttohaveanythingtodowithme.”

My chest started rising and falling harder. Quicker. My heart started beating harder. Quicker. So

quick I started feeling like it was going to explode. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Short choppy breaths

cameoutinspurtsfeelingliketheyweregoingtostrangleme.Myhandsbegantosweatandshake,and

beforeIcouldstopthemtearswerestreamingdownmyface.

DoctorBerrystoodandwalkedovertome.Hegrabbedmyshoulderandledmebacktomyseat.

“Relax,Charlie.Calmdownbeforeyouhaveapanicattack.”

“But.He.He.Ididn't.Dr.Berry.I.”

Mywordsjustlikemylungswerefailingme.Icouldn'tbreathe.Icouldn'tbreathe.Igrabbedmyneck

andtriednottoletmyemotionsoverpowerme.

Doctor Berry’s hand went to the middle of my back and he pushed, causing me to lower my head

betweenmylegs.

“Close your eyes and take long, slow breaths for me, Charlie. Breathe. Breathe. Nice and slow.

Inhaletwolungsfullofairforme.Longandslow,Charlie.”

Forcingmylungstoopenagain,IdidasDoctorBerryasked,andafteraboutfivedeepbreathsmy

breathinghadreturnedtonormal.

“That'sit.Justrelax.”

Ipalmedmyfaceandcontinuedtobreatheasmylegsshook.WhenmyheartbeatsreturnedtonormalI

satbackinmyseatandinhaleddeeplyonelasttime.

“Iseeyourbreathingisbacktonormal.Letmecheckyourheart.”

DoctorBerrypulledhisstethoscopefromaroundhisneckasIshookmyhead.

“That'snotnecessary,Dr.Berry,I’m…”

BeforeIcouldfinishhewaslisteningtomyheart.

“Givemeadeepbreathin,Charlie,”Idid.“Andexhale,”Idid.“Inhale,”Idid.“Exhale.”

Idid.Pleasedwithwhatheheard,hestoodandreturnedtohisseat.Hedidn'tspeakrightaway,andI

didn'tmindnow.Ididn'tmindthesilence.Ididn'tminditonebit.

“Areyougoingtotellhim,Charlie?Hedoesn’tknowjustlikeyoudidn’t.”

Should I? Maybe things would be best if I didn’t tell him. What if he breaks up with me? Am I

willingtorisknothavinghimanymorejusttotellthetruth?Atruthheisn’taskingfor?ButshouldIrisk

losinghimbykeepingitfromhim?

“Why’dyouhavetotellme?”Igrabbedmypurseoffthefloorandstood.“Whycouldn’tyoujustlet

mestayinmyperfectlittlehappylovingbubble?”

DoctorBerrysmiledashestood.

“BecauseIcareaboutyouandIdidn’twantyoutofindoutinanyotherway.Knighttooklosinghis

motherveryhard.Hewasangry.Veryangry.WithGod.Withher.Hisfather.Herdoctor.I’mjust…not

surehowhe’sgoingtoreacttoyouhavinghismother’sheart.Iwantedyoutobeprepared.”

“Well…thankyou.”

“Areyougoingtotellhim?”

MymiddleandringfingersrandownmyscarasIwalkedtowardshisdoor.

“Iguessso.Eventually.Ishould.Iam.”

DoctorBerrynoddedandplacedhisstethoscopebackaroundhisneck.Hewalkedtohisdoorand

openeditforme.WewalkedoutandstarteddownthehallwhenKnightcalledme.

“Thisishim.I’llseeyoulater,Dr.Berry.”

“Becareful,Charlie.Andplease…knowthatIdidn’tmeananyharm.”

“Oh no. That’s… I know you told me because you care about me and I appreciate it honestly. It’s

just…ahardpillthatI’mstrugglingtoswallowrightnow,butIwill.”

“OK.I’llletyougettoyourcall.”

InoddedandwaiteduntilhewasafewstepsawaybeforeIanswered.

“Hi.”

“What’sup?”

“Abouttoheadtomyfirstclientoftheday.Whatyoudoing?”

“JustgotoffthephonewithOzartRaid.”

Hisnamesoundedfamiliar,butIcouldn’tplacewhereIknewitfrom.Istartedwalkingdownthehall

asIrepeatedthenameoverandoverinmyhead.

“OzartRaid.Whydoesthatsoundfamiliar?”

“He’saretiredcoach.UsedtobetheGrizzliescoachbeforeheretired.”

“Right.Right.Whatdidhewant?”

“Hewantsmetoannounceacharitybasketballgamehe’shavinginNewYork.”

“That’sgreat,babe!Whenisit?”

“Twoweekendsaway.”

ThepoutthatwasabouttocovermyfacefadedawaywhenIsteppedoutsideandfeltthesun’srays

shiningdownonme.Ismiledandlookedaroundtheparkinglotformycar.

“Oh.Howlongwillyoubegone?”

“Justtheweekend.I’llleaveFridayandbebacklateSundaynight.”

“That’snottoobad.IguessIcanbewithoutyou.”

HechuckleddeepinhisthroatandIbitdownonmylip.

“Listen…Iwasthinking.”

“About?”

Afterunlockingmycar,Itossedmypurseinthebackseatandgotin–makingnoefforttostartthecar

untilourconversationwasover.

“IshouldmeetyourfamilybeforeIgo,”Ididn’trealizeIhadn’tansweredhimuntilhespokeagain.

“Charlie?”

“Huh?”

“IsaidIshouldmeetyourfamilybeforeIgo.”

“Yea. Yea. Sure. Um… you… you really want to do that? That means things are getting serious

doesn’tit?”

“Theyare.Forme.”

My smile was tortured as I rested my forehead on the steering wheel. I should just tell him now. I

shouldjusttellhimnowandgetitouttheway.Justtellhimnowandlethimdecidewhattodowithit.

Whattodowithus.

“Metoo.”

Thehell?Iliftedmyheadandsmackedmyowndamnforehead.

“So…youshouldmakethathappen,beauty.Idon’twannabejustsomerandomthatyourfamilyhas

noideaabout.IwantthemtoknowwhoIamtoyoubecauseI’mgoingtomakesuremyfamilyknowswho

youaretome.”

Thatwasit.TherewasnowayIcouldtellhimatthispoint.Atleastnotrightnow.

“Iwouldlikethat,Knight.Alot.Ireallylikeyou.Somuch.”

“Ilikeyou.Bringyourasswhenyou’redoneworking.”

I did not plan on spending my Friday afternoon going over to Tage’s house. He showed up at my

doorstepthisafternoonwithHarlem.Lethertellitshehadnoideahewasgoingtobeherewaitingfor

her.I’dbeenlettingherdrivemysparecar,sowhenshepulleduphewaspullinguprightbehindher.

Shehadn’tbeentalkingtohimatschoolorwhenshewasathome,sohetooktheinitiativetofollow

herhomeandforcehertotalktohim.Igavehimpointsforthat,andwhenheaskedtospeakwithmehe

earnedevenmore.

Tagesaidthathewantedtogoaheadandtellhisparentsaboutthebaby.Hewasreadytostepup.He

wantedtobetherewithHarlemeverystepoftheway.Iwasallforitandevenofferedtobethereforhim.

Whenwegottohishomehewasvisiblynervous.Likefidgetingnervous.Sensinghisnervousenergy,

IkeptHarlembehindmeandwalkedalittleinfrontofTageaswell.Forwhateverreasonhewasreally

afraidoftellinghisparents,andIwantedhimtoknowthatIwasgoingtobethereforhimnomatterhow

itplayedout.

Tage’smother,Patricia,ledusintothelivingroombeforegoingtogethisfather,Everett.Hismother

seemedtohavenoideawhatthehellwasgoingon,butthesecondhisfatherwalkedinandsawHarlem

andIhisheadflungbackandheshookitadamantly.

PatriciagrabbedhisarmandledhimtothecouchthatwasacrossfrommeandHarlem.Tagewas

sittingnexttoHarlem,butwhenhisfathercameinheputsomespacebetweenthem.

“Well,towhatdoweowethepleasureof,”PatriciagesturedbetweenmeandHarlem,“This.”

IlookedaroundtheroomatallofthetrophieswithTage’snameonthem.Allofthepicturesofhimin

hisfootballuniform.Fromlittleleaguelookedliketonow.Hewasdeepwithhiscraft.Lookedlikehe

wasprettygoodatittoo.

Hisheadloweredashemumbled,“Asyoucansee…”helookedatHarlem’sprotrudingstomachand

sheplacedherhandoverit.“She’spregnant.”

“Whatdoesthathavetodowithyou?”Everettasked.

Iinhaleddeeplyandsatbackinmyseat.

TagegrabbedHarlem’shand.Shelookedathimlikeshewantedtosnatchitaway,butsheplacedher

otherhandontopofhistoshowhimhersupport.Evenifherpettyasswasstillmadathim.

“It’smine.”

“What’syours?”Patriciaasked.

“Thebaby,Ma.She’spregnantwithmybaby.”

“Areyousure?”PatriciaaskedasEverettsaid,“Areyoustupid?HowmanytimeshaveItoldyouto

keepyourfuckingdickinyourpants,Tage?Youhaveyourentirefutureaheadofyouandplentyoftime

forsexandwomenlaterinlife.Nowwassupposedtobeaboutschoolandfootball.Howareyougoingto

focusoncollegeandgetintotheNFLwiththishangingoveryou?”

HeturnedtowardsHarlemandIsatupimmediatelyatthehostilelookonhisface.“She’sprobably

justtryingtotrapyoubecausesheknowshowtalentedyouare.”

HarlemchuckledasIinterjected.

“See,that’swhatwe’renotabouttodo.You’renotabouttodisrespecther.”

“Andwhoareyou?”

“Thatdoesn’tmatterrightnow.Igetthatyou’reupset,butyouwillnotdisrespecther.”

Harlemgrabbedmyarmandpulledmebackintothecouch.Dismissingme,helookedtowardsTage.

“Whydidyouwaitsolatetosaysomething?Wecould’vepaidheroffandgottenhertogetridofit.

Howfaralongisshe?”

“OK, you know what? I’ll see you later, Tage,” Harlem stood and looked down at me. “Let’s go,

Knight.Idon’thavetimeforthis.”

IstoodandlookedatTage.Hisheadwaspracticallyinhislapitwashangingsolow.Iwalkedover

tohimandgrabbedhisshoulder.

“We’llgetthroughthistogether,”Itoldhim.

Henoddedandsmiledwithhalfofhismouthashisfatherstartedinagain.

“He’s not getting through anything. His focus is school and football. He doesn’t have time to make

anythingelseapriority.Notherandfordamnsurenotthatbastardchildshe’scarrying.”

IchuckledandturnedtowardshimasHarlemgrabbedmyhandandtriedtopullmeaway.

“I’mgoingtoletthatslidebecauseIknowyou’reupset,”Iwarnedhim,pullingawayfromHarlem’s

grip.“Butifyousayanythingtodisrespectmysisterormynephewfromthispointforward,I’mgoingto

punchthewordsbackintoyourmouth.”

Everett stood and Patricia stood right along with him. Trying and failing to sit him back down. He

steppedinfrontofmeandTagestoodnexttome.

“Fuckyou,her,andthatbas–”

Isnapped.

Snapped.

Can’treallyrememberevenhittinghimorhowmanytimesIhithim,butbythetimeIwasdoneTage

andHarlemweredraggingmeoutandmyknuckleswerebleeding.

Patriciawasyellingandscreamingaboutcallingthepolice.

Hewasknockedthehellout.

TagewaslookinglikeI’ddonehimafavor.

AndHarlem…Harlemjustkeptshakingherhead.

Iyankedawayfromthebothofthemandwalkedtothecarinfrontofthem,onlytostopandreturnto

Tage.

“Igetwhyyoudidn’twanttotellhim.He’sanasshole.Butasamanyouarerequiredtostandupand

takecareofyourresponsibilities.JustasItoldHarlem,thisbabyisnotgoingtostopherfrombecoming

thewomansheplannedonbeing.Thesamegoesforyou.

Justbecauseshe’spregnantdoesnotmeanyourlifeisover.Thatyourdreamshavetobealtered.As

longasyouputforththeefforttobethereforherandyourchildIwillbetherewithy’alleverystepofthe

way.”

Henoddedandlookedbacktowardshishouse.HishandextendedformineandIshookit.

“Thanks,man.You’reright.I’llbetherenomatterwhat.”

InoddedasIwipedthebloodoffofmyknucklesontomyshirt.

“I’llgiveyoutwoasecond.”

IwenttothecarandwaitedforHarlem.Iwantedtogivethemtheirspace,butIalsowantedtomake

sureEverettdidn’ttrytocomeout,soIglancedupatthemeveryfewseconds.

By the end of their conversation Tage was pulling Harlem into him for a hug that she willingly

accepted.Asshewalkedtomycarhewalkedtohis.

“Whereishegoing?”Iaskedaftersheclosedthedoor.

“Tohisbrother’shouse.Theirfatherisverycontrolling…andhedrinks.Andwhenhedrinkshe’s

evenmoreofanasshole.”

NormallyI’dcheckherforcursing,butthistime…assholewastheperfectwordtodescribehim.

“Just…becareful,”IheardHarlemmutterafterlettingCharliein.

Iwasinmyroomlayingonthebed.Hadbeeninthatsamepositionforaboutthreehours.Juststaring

attheceiling.Nomusic.NoTV.Notalking.Juststaring.Staringandthinking.Tryingtounderstandwhat

mademesnapandcomeapartaseasilyasIdid.

Allofmyyearsinthegym,atthepunchingbag,intheboxingring…wasmeanttohelpmeavoidthis.

ItwasnosecrettomethatIhadangerissues.ThatIwasfiercelyprotectiveofmyfamily.

Buttoday…todayshowedmethatIdidn’thaveittogetheraswellIthoughtIdid.

“Becareful?”IheardthesmileinCharlie’svoice,anditmademesmileforthefirsttimesinceI’d

gottenbackhome.“Why?”

“That’snotthefirsttimeI’veseenKnightfight.Hell,heusedtobeatpeopleupformeandCarmen

allthetime,buttodaywasdifferent.Thatwasn’tjusthimbeingmadatEveretttalkingaboutmeandthe

baby.Thatwas…somepentupshitthatheletloose.”

“Thanksforthewarning.How’smybaby?”

“He’sgood.Kickingtheshitoutofme.”

“CanI?”

“Sure.”

Notbeingabletoseethemhadmeimaginingwhatwashappening.IfiguredCharliehadherhandon

Harlem’s stomach to see if Hayden would move. The house felt like it grew completely still as we

waited.WaitedtoseeifHaydenwouldactrightorbestubbornlikethefamilyhe’dbeenborninto.

“Ah!Hekicked,Harlem!”

HarlemlaughedandsodidI.

“Iknow.Ifeltittoo.”

“Ohyea.Duh,”Charliechuckledasshefinallymadeherwaytome.“I’llseeyoualittlelater.Have

youbeendrinkingyourwater?”

“Yes,Charlie.”

Charlie’s head peeked into my room as she smiled. I was waiting for her, but apparently she was

waitingforme.ShestoodtherelookingaroundmyroomuntilIsaid…

“Comehere,silly.”

She scurried over to my bed, kicked her shoes off, and took her jeans and button down off before

climbingintobedwithme.Herbodysnuggleduponthesideofme,andIswear,wrappingmyarmaround

herandkissingherfeltlikethemostnaturalthingtome.

“You wanna talk about it,” Charlie’s hand lifted mine. Her lips kissed my bruised knuckles softly.

Onebyone.“Butwedon’thavetoifyoudon’twantto.”

“There’snothingtotalkaboutreally.Ijustsnapped.”

“But why? I mean… from what Harlem told me earlier today and just a few seconds ago… all it

would’vetakenwasonepunchtoproveyourpoint.Toteachhimalessonfordisrespectingherandthe

baby,butyoudidn’tstop.Whydidn’tyoustop?”

Shesatuponherelbowwhilerunningherhandupanddownmychest.Thefeelofherhandagainst

myskinwashelpingmestaycalm,butIwasstillgrowingirritatedjustatthethoughtofit.Notsomuch

over Everett, but irritated at myself for giving him the power to make me step out of my character like

that.

“Whatdoyouwantmetosay,Charlie?YouwantmetosayIlostcontrol?Idid.”

“Butwhy?”

Withaloudexhale,Ipushedherhandoffofmybodyandsatontheedgeofthebed.

“I don’t know, Charlie. He just pissed me off. If you think I was wrong for standing up for my

family…”

“No,”herhandwrappedaroundmyarmasbestasitcouldandshepulledmebackdowntothebed.

“That’snotwhatI’msayingatall,Knight.Ithinkthatwasverynobleofyou.Notonlywereyoustanding

upfortheirhonor,butyoustoodupforTagetoo.

I’llnevergoagainstyoufordoingthat.Ijust,”hereyesdartedovertotheothersideoftheroomas

shechewedonhercheek.“Wanttoknowwhattriggeredyounotbeingabletokeepcontrolofyourself.

MaybeIcanhelpyouwiththat.

When she called me and told me what happened the first thing I thought was what if they couldn’t

havestoppedyou?Whatifyouwould’vedonesomeseriousdamageorkilledhim?Whatiftheywould’ve

calledthepoliceand…”

“Youwerescaredoflosingme?”

Herwateryeyesweremyanswer.Shesmiledsoftlyandshookherhead.

“Isthatselfishofme?”

NowIwastheoneshakingmyheadasIpulledherdowntomylips.ThisiswhatI’veneededall

fuckingday.Her.

“That’snotselfish.Honestly,itmakesmefeelgoodashell,Charlie.”

Anditalsomademewanttotryandfigurethisoutwithher.Ididn’twanthertoeverhavetoworry

aboutlosingme;especiallybecauseIlostmytemperandsnappedonsomeone.Sheplacedherheadinthe

middleofmychest.Onmyheart.Iknewthenandtherethatitwouldalwaysbehers.

“Iguessmaybethatwasmeunleashingalotofangerthathasbeenstoredup.”

“Fromwhat?Losingyourmom?”

“Everything,beauty.Iwassoangry.IknowImightsoundlikeabrokenrecord.Iknowyouprobably

thinkIshouldjustgetoverit…”

“No,Knight.I…Ican’tsaythatIunderstandhowyoufeel,butIunderstandgrief.Ihadtowatchmy

familygrieveovermeandIwasn’tevengoneyet.Ihadtowatchthemplanmyfuneral.Mymotherfought

themeverystepoftheway,buttheyhadtheentireceremonyplanned.

WeallhandlelossdifferentlyandIhonestlythinkyouhaven’thandledlosingyourmotheratall.

I think you’ve stuffed it down in the deepest, darkest place you could find in your heart. And it’s

just… festering. It’s been festering all of these years because you haven’t dealt with it. You haven’t

wantedtofeelthatpain.Soyou’vebeenfeelingangerinstead.”

Nowthatwastrue.AngerIdefinitelyallowedmyselftofeel.IwasmadatGodfortakingher.Madat

her for leaving. Mad at my pops for not trying to make her stay. Mad at Carmen for moving. Mad at

Harlemforbeingsodamnyoung.ButaboveallIwasmadatmyselffornotdoingwhatsheaskedofme.

Fornotbeingaroundwhenherhealthdeteriorated.

AngerIdefinitelyallowedmyselftofeel.

“Youneedtogetitout,Knight.I’mmorethanwillingtolistenwhileyoudo.”

Weturnedonoursidestofaceeachother,butIcouldn’tspeakrightaway.Shewasaskingmetodig

up10yearsofanger.10yearsofhurt.10yearsofguilt.WherewouldIevenstart?Wherewouldsheput

it?Myfeelings.Whatwouldshedowiththem?Carrythemaroundwithher?

“Idon’twanttoputallofthisonyou,Charlie.Iwouldn’tevenknowwheretostart.Wheretoend.

Thiswouldtakeallnightprobablylonger.”

Shesmiledassheranherhanddownthebackofmyhead.

“Foryou…Ihaveallthetimeintheworld.”

Tonightwasnerverackingfortworeasons.One–I’dneverbroughtamanhometomeetmyfamily.

Morethananything,I’vehadmenbroughthomeforme.MenthatI’veneverbeeninterestedin.ButI’ve

neverinmylifebroughtamanhometomeetmyfamily.

Two – this made things between us real. I mean, I knew that things between us were real, but this

makesthemreallyreal.ItletsmeknowthatKnightiscommittedtous.Thatheseesafuturewithme.

AndknowingthatIknowsomethingthathedoesn’tmakesmefeellikeshit.

I’ve longed to tell him that I have his mother’s heart ever since I found out, but I’m so freaking

scared.It’snosecretthathe’sfeltalltypesoffeelingsoverlosinghismother.Guilt.Anger.Hurt.I’mjust

scaredthathe’lllookatmedifferently.

Pushingthatdisturbingthoughtfrommyhead,Ileftmyhidingplace,thebathroom,andwentbackinto

thekitchenwithmymomandsister.Itwasn’tthatIdidn’twanttobearoundthembecauseIlovedthem

dearly.It’sjust…theywereactingsoweirdaboutKnightcomingover.

Theywereallgooglyeyedandsmileyfacedtheentiretimewecooked.Askingmethemostrandom,

unnecessary things about him. Constantly asking me what time he was going to be here like I hadn’t

alreadytoldthemamilliontimes.Sixo’clock.Sixo’clock.Sixo’clock.

“Charlie…”

“Sixo’clock,”Isaidquicklycuttingmymomoff.

“Notthat,Lie.I…canIseeyouinmyroomforasecond?”

I followed my mom into her room and became a little alarmed when she stepped behind me and

closedthedoor.

“Issomethingwrong,Ma?”

Hersmilewassweetasshehuggedmefromthesideandtookmeovertohervanity.Thatvanityhad

gottenmeintolotsoftroubleasayounggirl.Allofhermakeupandperfumeswereonandinthatvanity,

andIhadbeenfascinatedwithitsincetheageoffour.IbrokebadatsixandmademyfaceupjustlikeI’d

watchedherdomanytimes.Ofcourseminedidn’tcomeoutanythinglikehers.

ShethoughtitwassocuteandfunnyuntilshesawthemessI’dmade.

AndnottomentionthefactthatI’ddrenchedmyselfinalmostherwholebottleofWhiteDiamonds.

IwouldgetintohervanityeverychanceIcould.Somuchsothatshehadanewhandleputonher

doorthatlockedfromtheoutsideandinsidetokeepmefromgettinginalone.

Mymompositionedmeinfrontofthevanityandpulledonmyarms,signalingshewantedmetosit.

JustassoonasIwascloseenoughmyfingersstartedrunningacrossthewhiteantiquevanity.Outofreflex

IpickedupherbottleofWhiteDiamondsandwasabouttosprayitonmyself,butIthoughtaboutKnight

andkeptmyscentthewayhelikedit.

She smiled and kissed my temple. Her hands went to my shoulders as I looked at her through the

mirror.

“Thiswasyourgreat-grandmother’svanity.Shepasseditalongtoyourgrandmother.Whopassedit

downtome.IwassupposedtogiveittoVeronicaonher18

th

birthday,butsheknewhowmuchyoulove

thisthing,soshetoldmethatdaythatshewantedyoutohaveitonyours.Yourememberwhatwewere

doingonyour18

th

birthday,Charlie?”

How could I forget? I’d spent the entire week in the hospital. I nodded and lowered my head

naturallyatthethought,butshelifteditandcontinuedtolookatmethroughthemirror.

“IguessI’vekeptitsincethenbecause…everytimeIlookatit,itremindsmeofmylittlebeautiful

babygirl.Comingintothisroomandfindingyourlittleseven-year-oldfeetinmysizesevenshoes,”we

bothsharedachuckleatthevisual.“Boldredlipstickalloveryourlipsandchin.Andyouwouldalways

putthelightesteyeshadowonthatyoucouldfind.Butyouwerestillthemostbeautifulgirlintheworldto

me.”

Iturnedintheseattofaceher.

“Ikeptit,Charlie,because…ifanythingweretoeverhappentoyou…I’dhavethistorememberyou

by.Thehealthy,innocentyou.”

“Ma,nothing’sgoingtohappentome.”

Shenoddedandgrabbedmyhand.Istoodasshestruggledtofindtherightwordstosay.

“Iknowthatnow,baby.Ireallydo.It’sjustthatthisis…10years,Charlie.I…IsaidI’dwaituntil

wereachedthispointtogiveittoyou.So,wheneveryouwant,yourfatherorbrothercanbringittoyour

placeforyou.”

“Really?Icanhaveit?”

“Really.It’syours.”

Ilookedbackatthevanitybeforegrabbingherandpullingherintomeforahug.

“Thanks,Ma.Thisisjust…great.Youdon’tknowhowmuchthismeanstome.”

“Youdon’tknowhowmuchyoumeantome.Iloveyousomuch,Charlie.”

“Iloveyoutoo,Ma.”

We released each other and she wiped her eyes. The ringing of the doorbell signaled my man’s

arrival.Ismiledagainstmywill.Healwayshadthateffectonme.Smiling…I’vealwaysdonethat…but

withKnight…theyfeltdifferent.Theycamefromadifferentplace.Adifferentemotion.I’vebeenjoyful

allofmylife.

Ifsicknessteachesyouanythingitteachesyoutonotletanythingoranyonestealyourjoy.ThatGod

isincontrolandHehasthefinalsay.ItteachesyouthatinyourweaknessHeisyourstrength.Thatwhat

youcandoonyourowninnowaycomparestowhatHecandothroughyou.

ButwithKnight…Iwasjuststraightuphappy.Just…giddy.Andinlove.Wait…what?

“Well,let’sgomeetthisyoungman,”shesaidasshewalkedoutoftheroom.

Istoodthereforasecond.Tryingtocometogripswithmythoughts.Myfeelings.WasIinlovewith

Knight?LikereallyinlovewithKnight?Smoothingmyshirtwithmyhands,Ipulledthehemofitgently

beforeheadingoutoftheroom.

Imadeitintothelivingroom…andthesightofhimstandinginthemiddleofthefatherandbrother…

smilingandnoddingashelistenedtowhatmyfatherwassayingclosely.HishandwasontopofKnight’s

shoulder…likehe’dbeenknowinghimforyears.

Knightlookedupatme.Hissmilewidened.Minedidtoo.

“Hi,”Ispokeashetookastepawayfromthemandfocusedcompletelyonme.

“What’sup?”

Shedidn’tthinkI’dpickeduponit,butCharliewasslowlycrawlingbackintotheguardedholeshe

wasinbeforetheauction.BeforeIclaimedher.Itwassubtle.Sosubtleamanwhohadn’ttakenthetime

tostudyhiswomanandtrulygettoknowherwouldn’thavebeenabletopickuponit.ButIknewher.

AndIknewthatshewasshuttingdownonme.

Itstartedwithherbeingtoobusytocomeoverduringtheday.She’dcomeoverlateandallwe’ddo

is eat, maybe have sex, and go to sleep. She didn’t want to talk. When the sun was up so was she.

Forgettingtopackabagsoshe’dhavetorushhometogetreadyforherday.

InsteadofdoingthingswithHarleminthehousetogetreadyforthebaby,she’dpickherup,takeher

wherevertheyneededtogo,dropheroff,andleave.Herexcusewasthatshehadotherclients,butbefore

Imetherfamilyshe’dalwaystakecareofHarlemlasttospendtherestofherdayandnightwithus.

Our phone calls were few and far in between, and her text messages were growing shorter and

shorter.

Tobehonest,Iwassurprisedsheevenagreedtogoouttonight.Iwasn’tsureifthingsweremoving

toofastforherorifthiswassomethingshenolongerwantedorwhat.WithouttalkingtoherIcouldonly

assume,andatthispointIwasassumingtheworst.

WepulleduptothebowlingalleyandIletoutafrustratedsighasIcutthecaroff.Shewassitting

overtheretwiddlingwithherthumbslikeshewasnervousorsomeshit.Likewehadn’tspentpractically

every day together since we’d met for the past two months. Except for when she called herself putting

spacebetweenus.Iwasn’tplanningonseeingheratSticksthatnight,butweimmediatelycutthatbullshit

out.

“What’stheproblem,Charlie?”

Hereyesmetminebrieflybeforeshelookedoutofthewindow.

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“I’mnot…Charlie,I’mnotgoingtoplaywithyourass.Ifyoudon’twanttobewithme…hereor

otherwisesaythatshit.Butdon’tshutdownonmeandactlikenothingisgoingonbetweenus.I’mnot

stupid.”

“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”

“Fine.”

Iputmyhandbackonthekeyintheignitionandwasabouttoturnittostartmycaragain,butshe

stoppedme.

“Idon’twanttogo.”

“Butyoudon’tseemlikeyouwanttobehere.Bewithme.”

“Ido.Iwantnothingmorethantobeherewithyou.”

“Thenwhat’sthefuckingproblem?”

Shepulledherhandfrommineandmassagedherforehead.

“It’snothing,Knight.Really.I’msorryifI’vemadeyoufeellikeIdon’twanttobewithyouIreally

do.IpromiseIdo.Ijust…havealotonmymindthesedays.MybusinessistakingoffandIhavealoton

myshoulders.It’sjustalotrightnow.AndI’mlookingforwholesalersandastorefrontandI’vejustbeen

verydistracted.I’msorry.”

Ididn’tbelieveher,butifshedidn’twanttotellmethetruthIcouldn’tforceherto.Droppingitfor

now,wewentintothebowlingalleyandimmediatelygrabbedfoodanddrinks.Moredrinksthanfood.

Her eyes started to lower and she had that sleepy wasted look that was sexy as hell to me. She could

hardlyeverholdherliquor.Twodrinkswouldhaveherlikethis.Threewouldhavehercompletelygone.

Itwascuteashell.

Charlie jumped out of her chair and walked over to me. No matter how irritated I got I couldn’t

ignorethefactthatIwasirritatedbecauseIwascrazyaboutthisgirl,andIwantedhertobejustascrazy

aboutme.IwantedhertowantmeasmuchasIwantedher.Andthethoughtofthatnotbeingthecasewas

messingwithmymental.

None of that mattered when she was this close, though. She grabbed two handfuls of my shirt as I

pushedherhairawayfromherfaceandgrabbedhercheeks.

“Iwannakissyou,”shewhisperedintomylips,“Butyou’remadatme.”

“I’mnotmadatyou,Charlie.Icouldneverstaymadatyou.”

Shebrushedherlipsagainstminetwicebeforepullingawayandlookingintomyeyes.Likeshewas

tryingtoseehowI’dreacttoher.Mywayofshowingher–pullingherinforanotherkiss.Adeeperkiss.

Alongerkiss.Shepulledawayagainandhuggedme.

“IpromiseIwanttobewithyou,Knight.Please,don’tdoubtthat.”

Ikissedhercheekandremovedherarmsfromaroundme.SayingOKorthatIbelievedheratthis

pointwouldbealie.Itwasn’tOKandIdidn’tbelieveher,soIsaidnothingatall.Wewentovertoour

lane,andthewayshewaswobblingtoldmethatbowlingmightnotbethemovewhileshehadherdrinks

inher.

“Charlie…youuh…yousureyouwannadothis,babe?”

HerheadflungbackandsheexhaledahardbreathwitharollofhereyeslikeIwasannoyingher.I

laughedasIsatdownandwatchedherstruggletopickupherball.

“Yes,Knight.Icandothis.IcandoallthingsthroughChristwhoismystrength.”

“So… you’re just going to quote bible scriptures while you’re drunk? That’s what we’re doing

now?”

“Iamnotdrunk.I’malittletipsy,butI’mnotdrunk.”

“Right.Haveatitthen.”

Charliestoodthereforafewsecondsmore,lookingfromoneballtotheother,beforepickinghers

up,droppingit,andgigglingasshechasedafteritsideways.IlaughedasIpickedherupwithonearm

andgrabbedtheballwithmyotherhand.

“Imaputyouatthelaneandyoujustrolltheball,Charlie.”

“Youaresostrong,Knight,”shebitdownonherlipasshestaredatthesideofmyface.“You’reso

freakingsexytoo.Andyou’remyman?”

“Shutup,Charlie.”

“Areyoublushing?”shegrabbedmyfacebutIfoughtagainstherbecauseIwasblushingandlooking

atherwouldonlymakeitworse.“Youareblushing.Awww,Knight!”

Herlipsonmyneckhadmerethinkingthisbowlingthingagain.Iwastemptedtotakehertothecar

andtakeher,butIwasenjoyingthesightoftipsyCharliewaytoomuchtoenditjustyet.Atthelane,I

placedheronherfeet.Shewobbledslightlyandsmiledasshetriedtogainherbalance.

“Your tolerance is weak as hell, Charlie. I’m just trying to figure out how you’re drunk off two

drinks.”

“I’mnotdrunk!I’m…”

“Tipsy.Right.”

Ihandedhertheballandwalkedbackwardstomyseat.Shetookafewstepsback,didthiscutelittle

Flintstone shimmy, ran down the lane, and busted her ass. I’m talking about she straight up ran past the

line, went over onto the lane, and slipped and fell! Her uncoordinated ass dropped the ball on the

oppositelane,sendingitdownthegutterwhileshelaughedhystericallyatherownself.

Iranovertohelpherandendedupfallingmyself,butIdidn’tcare.Ijustwantedtomakesureher

crazyasswasgood.Wesatthere,inthemiddleofthiscrowdedbowlingalley,laughingasifwehadnot

onecareintheworld.

“Whydidyoupassthelineanddodownthelane,Charlie?Youknowit’sslippery,”IaskedwhenI

wasfinallyabletostoplaughing.

Ittookherafewsecondsmoretostoplaughing.Tearswerestreamingdownherfaceasshegrabbed

myshirt.Iwipedthemasshesmiledandstaredintomyeyes.

“Youfellforme,”shewhispered.

Inmorewaysthanone.MysmilesoftenedasIcaressedhercheek.

“Wouldn’tbethefirsttime.”

Shekissedmeandsighedasherheadshook.

“Knight…”

“No,it’s…wedon’thavetogothere,Charlie.It’sfine.”

Withanodshepulledawayfrommeandlookedaroundatallofthepeoplethatwerestaringatus.

“Youmakeitsoeasytofallforyou,Knight.Soeasy.”

Charlie got on her knees, then put her hands on the floor. She steadied herself and stood. Looking

down at me, she extended her hand to help me get up. But there was something about it that seemed…

cryptic.Likeshewouldbehelpingmegetupfromadifferentfall.Fallingforher.AndthatfallwasoneI

didn’twanttogetupfrom.

Ilied.Well,Ididn’treallylie.Ijustdidn’ttellKnightthewholetruth.Lastnightatthebowlingalley

whenheaskedwhattheproblemwasIwasn’tcompletelyhonest.Myworkloadhadpickedupquiteabit

sinceIquitatBundled,butIwaskindofavoidinghim.Itwasn’tbecauseIdidn’twanttobearoundhim.

Itwastheguilt.Thegnawingguiltofwantingtotellhimaboutmehavinghismother’sheart.Itwas

the fear. The nagging fear of losing him when he found out. It was me trying to keep the words from

slippingoutofmymouth.Metryingnottohavetoeverexperiencehisangerdirectedtowardsme.

Knightwasleavingtodayforthecharitybasketballgame,andIwasgoingtotakefulladvantageof

thisspaceweweregoingtohave.TherewasnowayI’dbeabletocontinuetobelikethisandheletme

getawaywithit.He’dalreadycalledmeoutonitonceandIwassurehe’dhavenoproblemcallingme

outonitagain.Whilehewasgone,Iplannedongettingmyselftogether.WhenhecamebackIwasgoing

totellhimorgetbacktothewaythingswere.

Buttherewouldbenomoreofthispullingawayfromhim.

Period.

IwalkedhimouttohisrentalcarandwassurprisedwhenhehandedmethekeystohisLincoln.My

foreheadwentintothecenterofhischestasIhuggedhim.

“You’rereallylettingmedriveyourcar?”Iaskedindisbelief.

“Yes.Imustreallylikeyou.Ionletnobodydrivemycars.”

“YouletHarlemdrivetheCharger.”

“That’sbecauseIdon’tdriveitanymore.Herasswon’tbedrivingtheLincoln.”

Lookingintohiseyeswaspureecstasy.Iwantedtoknowthemanbehindthoseeyesthemomentthey

lookedintomine.Themomenthepiercedmewiththem.Andthemanthatheshowedmewasnothinglike

whatIwasexpecting.Hewassomuchbetter.

“Willyoucalloneofusandletusknowyou’vemadeit?”

Knight nodded then kissed my forehead. He leaned against his rental, pulling me into his body and

wrappingthosestrongchestnutbrownarmsaroundmealongtheway.

“AreyougonnastayherewithherwhileI’mgone?”

“Doyouwantmeto?”

“Yea.Idon’tknowifit’sthehormonesorwhatbutshe’sbeenalittleemotionallately.Ithinkit’lldo

hersomegoodtohaveyouaround.Shetalkstoyoumorethanshetalkstome.”

“I’llstaythen.”

“Sothatmeansyou’llbeherewhenIgetback?”thosehands…heranthosehandsdownmybackand

squeezedmyass.“Youdon’tknowwhathavingyouheredoestomysoul.EverytimeIcomehometothe

bothofyou…”

Hishandswentfrommybottomsetofcheekstotheonesonmyface.Iwatchedinheavyanticipation

ashisheadloweredtomine.HistonguewasinmymouthquickerthaniteverhadbeenandIsavoredthe

feelofituntilhepulledaway.

“Youspoilus,”hemumbledashepushedmeaway.

“Ilovebeingherewiththetwoofyou.”

Thatwastrue.Itwaslikewehadourownlittlefamilythinggoingon.OnmylightdaysI’dcookand

we’d play games or watch movies. On my heavy days they would have food ready when I came home.

No.Ihavegottostopsayingthat.WhenIcameover.HarlemandIshoppedandtalkedandjust…vibed.

ShewaslikethelittlesisterIalwayswanted.

“AndIdon’tspoily’all.Ihavenothingtospoilyouwith,”Icontinued.

“Youspoiluswithyou.Withyourlove.Yourenergy.Yourattention.Youraffection.You’relike…the

sunshinewe’velackedafteryearsofcloudydays.”

“Knight…”thestepsItookawayfromhimwerestoppedbyhishandgrabbingmyshirtandpulling

mebackintohim.“That’sreallysweet.You’reabouttomakemecry.”

“It’sthetruth,butIdon’twantyoutocrysoI’llheadout.”

“ButnowIreallydon’twantyoutogo.”

Iwantedtojumponhim,butIwould’vehitmykneesonthecarsincehisbackwasagainstit.Asif

hewasreadingmymind,Knightpushedhimselfoffthecarandwrappedmylegsaroundhiswaist.

“Icanseenowyouwalkingmetothecarwasnotagoodidea.Imahavetotakeyoubackinthehouse

ifIplanonleavinganytimesoon.”

Ichuckledandcaressedthebackofhisheadandneckashecarriedme.HisgroansasIkissedall

overhisfaceandneckhadmypussysoakingwetbutitdidn’tmatter.Therewasnothinghecoulddoabout

itnow.

Knight let me kiss him a few times more before putting me on my feet and prying my arms from

aroundhisneck.Hekissedmequicklythenpushedmeintothehousesoftly.

“Go,”heordered,shovinghishandsintohispockets.

“But…”

“Go,Charlie.BeforeIchangemymindandnottakethisflight.”

“Fine.”

I slammed the door in his face and leaned against it, smiling at the sound of him laughing as he

walked away. My phone chimed in my pocket, so I pulled it out to read the text as I went back into

Harlem’sroom

MyKnight:YougonpayforslammingthedoorinmyfacewhenIgetback.

Lookingforwardtoit;)

Today was the day for Harlem’s first pampering session. I was sure she’d be just like my other

clients–wantingoneeverytwoweeksbytheendofthisone.

“Youready?”IaskedasIenteredherroom.

“Yep!”

HarlemhoppedoutofherbedandsatinthechairIhadforher.Iwenttothebathroomtofillmyfoot

massagerandabowlforherhands.WhenIreturnedshelookedatmelikeshewantedtosaysomething

butwasholdingitin.

Ifshewasn’treadytoaskortellIwouldn’tforceherto.Iputherfeetinthewaterandstoodtoget

mybrushes,scrubs,andbuttersoutofmybag.Shechosemychocolatemintscrubandbodybutter,soIput

the rest in my bag and started her pedicure. I was at the point of scrubbing her left foot with the brush

whenshecalledmyname.

“Charlie?”

“Yea?”

“Doyoulovemybrother?”

ThebrushstoppedinmyhandasIlookedupatherwithasmirk.

“Isthatatrickquestion?”

Sheshrugged.

I returned my attention to her foot. Was I ready to have this conversation yet? Was I ready to

acknowledgehowIfelt?

“Iwasjustwondering.Like…Idon’tknowlike…”Ilookedatheragainasshedrummedherfingers

onherthighs.“Idon’tknowwhatloveisorwhatitlookslike.SoIwasjustwonderingifyouandKnight

lovedeachother.Ifyouallweremyexampleofwhatloveshouldbelike.I’mtryingtofigureouthowI

feelaboutTagebutIdon’tknowwhatloveis.Notthiskindofloveanyway.”

HerconfessiontuggedatthestringsofmyheartsohardIliterallyfeltmyselfbeingpulledtowards

herwitheachwordshespoke.Iputthebrushinthewaterandgrabbedthetoweltodrymyhandsandher

feet.

“Come…sitwithme,Harlem.”

We went into the den and sat next to each other. I wanted to see her face, so I turned slightly and

pulledmyleftlegontothecouch.

“OK,so…thereareeightdifferenttypesoflove,”Istarted.“Let’sseeifIcanrememberalleight.I

didapaperonitformypsychologyclassincollegeandthatfeelslikeforeverago,”myeyesclosedasI

triedtorememberallthatI’dlearnedduringmystudying.“There’seroswhichisGreekforerotic.It’s…

it’s passion and sexual desire. Impulsive. Intense. Dangerous. It involves a lack of self-control. It’s

powerful… but it’s so superficial that it can burn out quickly. It’s extremely selfish as it focuses on

physicalpleasure,lust,andinfatuation.Itsfocusisonthebody.

Thesecondisphilia.Affectionate,brotherlylove.It’sthelovewehaveforfriendsandneighbors.It

isn’t a romantic love nor does there have to be physical attraction. It’s loyalty and connection without

romanticintimacy.Itsfocusisonthemind.

There’sstorgeorfamiliarlove.It’sanaturalaffectionandbondsharedbetweenfamily.Motherand

child.Siblings.Childhoodfriends.It’spowerfuljustaserosloveis,butbecauseit’snotfocusedonself-

gratificationit’sahealthierformoflove.Itcanbetoxic,though.Ifyourloveforyourfamilycausesyouto

dothingsyoushouldn’tbe,orifyouaresoworriedaboutthemthatyoudon’tliveforyourself…itcando

moreharmthangood.

Ludusisplayful,puppylove.Itcanhavethesameintensityandinfatuationoferosbutit’slessabout

sexandpassionandmoreaboutfeelingsandteasing.It’sthatloveyoufeelwhenyougetbutterflies.Or

yourheartfluttersandyougetallnervouswhenhe’saround.It’sinnocent,playful,andchildlike.Itsfocus

isonemotion.

Thefifthkindofloveismania.Obsessivelove.It’sthekindoflovepeoplehavewhenyouseethem

onSnapped.It’sextremelydangerousbecausepeoplewhoexperiencethiskindoflovewanttoloveand

belovedsobadthattheyseektofindtheirworthandvalueandesteeminotherpeople.Becauseofthis,

they are either possessive, jealous, and hostile… or they feel rejected when the love isn’t returned or

theirworthisn’tvalidated.Itmakespeopledependent.Dependent.Angry.Impulsive.Dangerous.

Pragma,orenduringlove,is…”

IsmiledasthedesiretoexperiencethiskindoflovewithKnightfilledme.

“It’slovethat’slastedanddeepenedwithtime.Lovethathasmaturedandbeenthroughsomethings

andgrewstrongerbecauseofit.It’slovethathasbeenmaintained.Foughtfor.Preserved.Guardedlike

thetreasurethatitis.

Thelasttwoaretwoofmyfavorites.

There’sphilautia.Self-love.Itbringstomindmymostnecessaryscripturetoremember.Thetwenty

secondchapterofMatthew.Versesthirty-seventhroughthirty-nine.WhenJesuswasaskedwhatwasthe

greatestcommandmentHesaidtoloveGodwithallofyourheart,soul,mind,andstrength.AndHesaid

thatthesecondwaslikeit–toloveyourneighborasyourself.

Ididn’trealizeuntilIwasanadultthatinorderformetolovemyneighborasmyselfIhadtolove

myselffirst.Theorderisn’tGod,others,andthenself.TheorderisGod,self,thenothers.

How can you love your neighbor as yourself if you don’t love yourself? Right? So, self-love isn’t

about being vain or narcissistic. It’s not about being selfish and not caring about others. Self-love isn’t

selfish.It’stheactofknowingyourself.Understandingyourself.Knowingyourworth.Seekingyourvalue

fromGod,yourCreator,insteadofmen.It’s…acceptingyourselfandbeingcomfortableinyourskin.Just

thewayyouare.Embracingthosethingsaboutyouthatyoucannotchange,improvingthethingsyoucan,

andnotgivingadamnwhatanyonehastosayotherwise.

Self-love is the best way to show your love for others because how can you give what you don’t

have? You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. You’ll have nothing to give. Your cup will be

empty.Lovefillsyou.YoumustloveGodfirstandletHimfillyouwithHislove,thenyoupourthatlove

intotheheartsandlivesusothers.Whichleadstothelastkindoflovethereis;agapelove.

Selflesslove.Unconditionallove.It’sthehighestandmostsoughtafteryetmostmisunderstoodlove

ofall.It’snotconditional.It’snotbasedonwhatsomeonecangiveyouorhowtheymakeyoufeel.It’snot

self-centered.It’sfocusedonaction.Whatyoucangivetoanddoforothers.It’sfocusedontheperson

you’relovingnotyourself.It’snotalovethatcanbeearnedoronethatexpectsanythinginreturn,butone

thatmustbefreelygivenandreceived.

AgapeloveisGodlylove.ItistheloveofGod.It’spure.It’sgraciousandmerciful.Itdoesn’tjudge.

It doesn’t expect. It doesn’t conform. It’s unconditional – flesh, flaws, and all. It accepts. It’s a choice.

Whatapersondoesisirrelevantwithagape.Whenyoumakethatchoicetoloveunconditionally…it’sset

instone.It’sforgiveness.It’shumility.It’sourspirit.It’showweconnectwithGodandreceiveHislove

andpouritintoothers.

DoanyofthosetypesoflovedescribehowyoufeelaboutTage?”

“No.Iguessitstartedas…whatwastheplayfulone?Lupus?”

“Ludus,Harlem.”

“Yeathat.NowIjustcan’tstandhim.Iknowthathe’sactingthewayheisbecauseofhisparents.

They had big dreams of him playing in the NFL and setting them up for life. Now they think Hayden is

goingtoruinthat.IguessI’mjustmadatmyselfforwantinghimtobearound.ButIknowwhatitfeels

like to have both parents and what it doesn’t, and if I could do anything to make sure Hayden had both

parentsinthehomeIwould.Ineverwantedittobelikethis.IwantedtowaituntilIwasmarried.Ijust…

fuckedup.”

“Wellyoudefinitelydon’twanttoforcearelationshipwithhimifyoudon’treallywanttobewith

him.Andyoucan’tforcehimtobethereforHaydenifhedoesn’twanttobe.Youcanputhimonchild

supporttomakesurehe’stherefinancially,butwhatyoudon’twanttodoiscausehimtoresentHayden.

Thatbabyinsideofyoudeservestobelovedunconditionally.Hedeservestobesurroundedbygenuine

loveandgenuinepeople.IfTagedoesn’twanttobearoundthat’shisloss;notyoursonHayden’s,butI’m

goingtobecompletelyhonestwithyou,Harlem,Ithinkhe’sgoingtocomearound.”

“Youdo?”

Inoddedandgrabbedherhand.

“Ido.Ithinkhe’sscarednow.Ithinkhejustneedstimetoprocesseverythingandcomefromunder

hisfather’sthumb.ButIdefinitelythinkhe’sgoingtocomearound.Don’tgiveup,butdon’tholdonso

hardthatyoumissoutonmeetingagoodguy.HaydenwillhaveKnightandhe’smorethanenough.Even

afterTagecomestohissenses.”

HarlemhuggedmyneckandIsmiledasIhuggedherback.

“Thanks,Charlie.Iloveyou.”

“Aww,baby.Iloveyoutoo.”

WhenIwalkedintomyhomeitwastooquiet.I’dgottenusedtorandomgigglingandloudcartoons.

Surprisingly,thecartoonswerebeingwatchedbyCharliemostofthetime.Iwasn’texpectinganynoise

fromHarlembecauseshewasspendingthenightwithPrincess,butIatleastthoughtCharliewouldhave

ontheTVorsomemusic.

Figuringshewassleep,Imademywayupthestairs,downthehall,andintomyroomasquietlyasI

could.Charliewassoengrossedinwhateverthehellshewaslookingatonherlaptopthatshedidn’teven

feelmypresenceuntilIwasintheroomandwalkingtowardsher.

Sheimmediatelyslammedherlaptopshutandyankedherearbudsoutofherear.Herweirdness…I’d

gotten used to… but even this was a little too weird for her. I stopped abruptly and looked at her

skeptically.Hermouthwaspartiallyopenuntilshecloseditandswallowedhard.

“Charlie…whatareyoudoing?”

“Nothing,”shealmostwhisperedhesitantly.

“Thenwhy…”

“Nothing.”

“ButIdidn’tev–”

“Nothing.”

“What’sonthecomputer,Charlie?”

“Nothing.”

She put it behind her back and looked everywhere but at me. There was only one thing that made

peoplereactthisway–porn.ButIjust…Ijustrefusedtobelievemygirl…mysweet,sillywomanwas

watchingporn.Therehadtobeanotherreason.

“Whyareyouactingsoweird?”

“I’malwaysweird.”

Thatwastrue,butthiswasevenmoreweirdthanusual.

“Iknowyou’reuptosomething,Charlie.”

“Nothing.”

Inoddedandwalkedovertomyclosettoputmybagawayforthetimebeing,andwhenIdidIsawa

pileoffoodonthebed.Notjustnormalfood.Strangerandomfoodtobeeatingtogether.Likecucumbers,

bananas,andpickles.ThehellkindoffreakyshithadshegottenintowhileIwasgone?

“Charlie…whatthehelldoyouhavethisshitinthebedfor?Wereyou…youwerewatchingporn…

weren’tyou?”

“Iwasnot!”sheyelleddefensivelyasshestoodandtriedtorunoutoftheroombutIgrabbedher.

“Yesyouwere!Youwerewatchingporn!”Iwastryingsohardnottolaughbecauseshewasvisibly

embarrassed,butthisshitwasfunny!“Babe,whydidn’tyoutellmeyouwereintothat?Wecould’vebeen

watchingittogether.”

“I’mnot,”shewhined,tryingtopullawayfromme.“Ijust…I’mnotgoingtotellyouifyoukeep

laughingatme!”

“Allright!”

Iturnedawayfromherforasecondtotryandgathermyself.AfterafewdeepbreathsIturnedtoface

herandtriedmyhardesttofightmysmile.

“Knight!”

“Dammit,Charlie!Youatleastgottaletmesmile!”

Hereyesclosedasshechewedonhercheek.

“Fine. I was watching it… but…” her head shook as she opened her eyes. “But only because I

wantedtolearnhowto…Iwantedtolearnhowto…youknow.Foryou.SoIcoulddoit.”

“Dowhat,Charlie?”

“Suckit,”shemumbledunderherbreath.

“Saywhat?”

“Youheardme!”

“NoIdidn’t.”

Idid.Ijustwantedhertosayitlouder.

“Suck.It,”shegrittedthroughherteeth.

“Suckwhat?”

Charlie licked her lips as her eyes lowered. Her embarrassment was quickly being replaced with

lust,andImustadmit…mydickwasgrowingwitheachpassingsecond.

“Yourdick.”

“Youactuallycarethatmuchaboutpleasingme?”

Shenoddedandbitdownonherlipasshepulledmyshirtovermyhead.

“YouwannaseewhatIlearned?”

“Hellyea.”

Iundressedherassheundressedme.Thefruitwastossedontothefloor.Shestoodonthesideofthe

bedandstaredatme.Rubbingherchinwithherthumbandpointingfinger.

“Charlie, you really don’t have to do this. I get pleasure from pleasing you. I’m flattered that you

eventhoughtenoughofittolearn…andpractice.”

Thesmilethatwasspreadingonmyfacehadherclammingupagain,soIleanedoverandpulledher

intothebed.

“Iwannadoit.Iwannatasteyou.I’vewantedtosinceourfirsttime.”

Icouldn’tevenspeak.Iwasn’tsureifIcouldspeak.Ijustnoddedandleanedbackontheheadboard.

She straddled my legs and looked down at my dick like she’d never seen it before. Her lips started on

mine. Kissing them slow but with the right amount of pressure to make me want more. She opened my

mouthwithhertongueandteasedmewithit.PullingitoutandlickingmylipsjustwhenIwasaboutto

losemyselfinher.

Thenshestartedonmyneck.Bitingandlickingandsuckinglikethistimewasherturntopossessme.

Like this time was her turn to conquer me. Her hands went down my chest and her lips followed. And

when she licked my nipples she introduced me to a pleasure I didn’t think I was capable of feeling.

CaughtmesooffguardIdamnnearpushedheraway,butitfelttoogoodsoIletherstay.

Hereyesmetmineasshekissedherwaydownmystomach.Pullingmeevendeeperintoherweb.

“You’llstopmeifI’mdoingitwrong,right?”

“Right.”

Forsomeonewhowantedtofeast,Charliedidn’tdiginrightaway.No.Shecontinuedthetortureof

makingmewait.Gettingcloseyetsofaraway.Shesqueezedmythighsasshestaredatmydick.Biting

downonherlip.Watchingasprecumoozedoutofme.Iwassoreadyforit.Readyforher.

Toresistgrabbingherhairandputtingherwheresheneededtobe,Iputmyhandsbehindmyhead

andclosedmyeyes.ThemomentIdidIfelthertongueonme.Iopenedmyeyesintimeenoughtowatch

herrunthetipofhertongueacrossmyhead–lickingmycumup.Thensheclosedhermoutharounditand

sucked.

Hereyebrowswrinkledandshepaused.Likeshewasthinkingofwhattodonext.

“Forget what you watched,” I coached pulling her eyes up to me. “Do what feels natural. Just no

teeth.”

Withonehandshepalmedmyballs.Theotherwrappedaroundmydick.Shetookmeintohermouth

asdeepasshecould,thenranhertongueovermeandsuckedherwayupwithenoughpressuretohavemy

thighsclenching.

Shedidthatagain.Usingherhandtostrokethepartofmethatshecouldn’tfitintohermouth.Iwas

out of her mouth and her attention was on my balls, but she continued to stroke me as she licked and

suckedthem.

“Shit,Charlie.”

Hertonguelickedeveryinchofmebeforeshetookmebackintohermouth.Touchingthebackofher

throatwithmyheadasshelookedmedeadinmyeyes.Idon’tknowifitwaswhatshewasdoingwithher

mouth,thefactthatshewasactuallydoingitwithhermouth,orthecombinationofboth…butIwasabout

tocumquickerthanIeverhadbefore.

Igrabbedahandfulofherhairandtriedtocontrolhermovementsbutthatdidn’thelp.

“Condom.Now.”

CharliecrawledacrossthebedtothenightstandandgrabbedacondomwhileIgotonmyknees.She

tried to turn around and crawl back to me, but I stopped her and kept her just as she was. Positioning

myselfbehindher,ItookthecondomfromherandgotitonasquicklyasIcould.

Ispreadherasscheeks,andthesightofhercreamalreadyatheropeningmademydickthrob.She

wasreadyforme.ShewasjustasturnedonbypleasuringmeasIgetbypleasuringher.Iwantedtoreturn

thefavor,andIdefinitelywouldbeforethenightwasout,butrightnow…Ijusthadtofeelher.

CharlielookedbackatmewhenIranmydickagainstherclitandIsmiled.

“Putitin,”sheorderedsoftly.

Withherbackarchedperfectly,Islidinsideofher,andhermoanwasthesoundI’dbeenwaitingto

hear all weekend. But it didn’t last long. She grew completely silent. Nothing was heard besides her

creamcoatingmeandourbodiesconnecting.

IfeltherwallstighteningaroundmeandIpulledout.

“Giveitback,”shepleadedasherhandcamebetweenus.

“IfyoucumI’llcumandI’mnottryingtocumthissoon,Charlie.”

“Idon’tcarewe’llgoagain.Justgiveitback.”

I slid back inside and looked from me disappearing inside of her and returning to her gripping the

sheetsand burying herhead in thebed. The tightening startedagain. Her moansstarted again. Then she

wascoming.Loud.Andlong.Andhard.AndsowasI.

Idon’tknowwhatthehellIwasthinkingwhenIagreedtomeetKnight’sfamily.Itwasonethingfor

him to meet mine… but the idea of meeting his father literally turned my stomach. I was so nervous I

didn’tknowwhattodowithmyself!ThesilverliningwasthefactthatIwouldn’thavetomeethissister

CarmenuntilshereturnedtoMemphis,andI’dbeentalkingtoacoupleofhisclosestcousinsalready,soI

kindoffeltlikeIknewthemalittle.

Theywerehelpingmeputtogetherasurprisepartyforhisbirthdaynextmonth,soHarlemlinkedus

up and we’ve been bouncing ideas off each other for the past few days. With my birthday being this

month, I already had my plans for myself made. I felt like Knight had something up his sleeve because

he’dbeenaskingalotofrandomquestionslately,buthehadn’tsaidanythingtomeaboutit.

Tobehonest,theonlythingIneededtocelebrateanotheryearoflifewashim.Iwasjustthatgrateful

tohavehim.Whichistheonlythingthatkeptmefromgettingupandrunningoutofhishousebeforehis

fatherarrived.ThatandthefactthatHarlemwouldneverletmeliveitdownifIwasn’tinvolvedinher

bellycasting.Harlemwasonlyinherseventhmonth,butwemessedaroundandwatchedavideoonbelly

castingonYouTubewhileKnightwasinNewYorkandshe’dbeenobsessingoveriteversince.

WhenKnighttoldhisfatherthathewantedhimtomeetme,hewasn’texpectingPrincetontoofferto

cometohisplaceandtrytosmooththingsoutwithHarlem,butKnightagreed.Iwashopingthatworked

inmyfavor.Iwashopingwe’ddoaquickhinicetomeetyathenhisattentionwouldbeonhisdaughter.

In an attempt to calm my nerves, I went out to the back porch to get some fresh air. Knight was

alreadythere.Isatnexttohimandlaidmyheadonhisshoulder,andhewastednotimewrappinghisarm

aroundme.

“Knight?”

“Yea,babe?”

“YouOK?”

Knight removed his arm from around me, giving me the freedom to turn slightly and face him. His

eyesremainedforwardasheshookhishead.

“Ijustdon’twanthimcominghereandmessingupthegoodwegotgoing.It’shardenoughkeeping

herspiritshighbecauseofTage.Idon’twanthimsendingherintoanevendeeperstateofsadness.”

“Doyouthinkhewouldreallycomehereanddothat?Imean…hebasicallyputheroutbecauseshe

refusedtogiveupherbaby.Doyouthinkhewouldactuallycometowheresheisjusttogiveherahard

timeaboutit?”

“Maybe not intentionally, but he knows what buttons to push, man. His intention might be to come

overandtrytoworkthingsout,butthere’snotellingwhathe’sgoingtosayintheprocess.That’swhat

I’mworriedabout.”

“Well,youknowyou’renotgoingtolethimoranyoneelsehurther,soit’llworkout.”

Hiseyesmetminefinally,buttheyweren’tfilledwiththepeaceIwashopingfor.

“Whatifitworksouttoogood?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

Knightshruggedandreturnedhisattentiontohisbasketballcourt.

“Whatifshegoesbackwithhim?”

“Youdon’twantherto?”

Heshruggedagainandranhishandoverhishair.

“It’snotthatIdon’twantherto.Iwanthertobewhereshewantstobe.It’sjust…it’sbeensolong

sinceI’vehadmybabyaroundmelikethis.Andit’smyownfaultfornotbeingaround.It’sjust…Ilike

her being with me. If she’s here I know she’s being looked after and well taken care of. I know she’s

gettingtheattentionsheneeds.Iknowshe’snotgettingintoanythingelseshedoesn’tneedtobe.Thisis

herhomenow.Shebelongshere.”

Itookhischeekintomyhandandranmythumbacrosshisscruffybeardafewtimesbeforeturning

hisfacetomineandpeckinghislips.

“Thatisthesweetestthinginlife,Knight.Ithinkit’sprettyamazingthewayyoucherishyourbaby

sister.Andeventhoughyouallhaveyourmomentswhereyoubuttheadsshe’sjustascrazyaboutyouas

youareher.She’snotgoinganywhere.”

“Butitmightbebestforhertogo.WhentheseasonstartsI’llbegone.Who’sgoingtobeheretohelp

herwiththebaby?”

“Knight,youknowI’llbeheretohelpherwithwhateversheneeds.”

“Youalreadydoenoughforus,Charlie.Youspendmoretimeherethanyoudoyourownplace.I’m

notcomplainingatall.Ipreferitthatway.Ijustwouldneverputthatweightonyou.HarlemandHayden

arenotyourresponsibility.Iappreciateyouhelpingmecarrytheload,butIdon’tknow.Maybeit’llbe

bestifsheleft.”

Knight stood and walked towards the door, completely shutting down on me. I wasn’t used to this

withhim.Hehadn’tclosedmeoutemotionallysincethefirsttimehetriedtokissmeandIranaway.

“Sothat’sit,”IaskedasIstood,“You’rejustgoingtolethergo?Youknowit’sbetterforherand

Haydenhere,Knight.”

Hestoppedwalkingbuthedidn’tturntofaceme.Iwalkedovertohimandplacedmyhandinthe

centerofhisback.

“I get that you’re saying this because you think it’ll make her leaving easier, but do not go in this

housesuggestingthatsheleavejusttoavoidhernotstaying.Don’tputheroutbeforeheevenasksherto

comeback.Ifyousayanythingtoheraboutleavingshe’sgoingtoassumethatyoudon’twantherhereand

she’s going to leave. I know it might hurt you if she decides to leave, but let whatever happens happen

naturally.Don’tbringitupandmakethedecisionforher,Knight.”

Losingher.Icouldseeitinhiseyes.HewasafraidoflosingherandHaydenbeforeheevenarrived.

Knightnoddedandgrabbedmyhand.Hepulledmeintohischestandkissedmyforehead.

“It’stimeslikethiswhenyoumakemewanttomakesureyouneverleaveme.Ever.”

Therewasstillatraceofdarknessinhiseyes,buthesmiled.Thatwasgoodenoughfornow.

“That’swhatI’mherefor.”

“Charlie…”

“I’mnotleavingyou.”

Thistimewhenhesmiled…sodidhiseyes.

Without Charlie here, this meeting between Harlem, my pops, and I probably would’ve gone a lot

differently,buthehadn’tevenmadeitinthehouseyetandCharliewasalreadykeepingmecalm.Yea,he

andIresolvedacoupleofourissuesthelasttimeIsawhim,Harlemhowever,wasacompletelydifferent

subject.

IwouldletnoonebringherharmaslongasIcouldprotectherfromit.

It didn’t matter if he was her father or not… I would keep him away from her as well if I had to;

especiallywhileshewaspregnant.

Charlie’sleftarmwaswrappedaroundme,andshewasusingherrighthandtocaressmystomach.

Thesimpleacthadmynervesstayingintactaswewatchedmypopsgetoutofhiscarandheadtothe

frontdoor.Herangthedoorbellbutitdidn’tmakememove.

“Ishouldgetthat,”Isaid,butmadenoattempttomove.

Thedoorbellrangagain.

OfcourseHarlemwasn’tgoingtogetit.

Shehardlyeverdid.

UnlessitwasCharlie.

“Youneedakey,”Irealized.

Sheshouldn’thavetowaittobeletin.Sheshouldbeabletocomeandgofreely.

“What?”sheaskedwithasmile.

“Tothehouse.Youneedakeytothehouse.”

I’msuremyannouncementseemedrandomtoher,butitwasrightontimeforme.Shesimplynodded

andblushed,soIsteppedtothesideofherandwenttolethimin.Wegreetedeachothercasuallyandhe

wastednotimewalkingintothelivingroomsearchingforHarlem.Hedidn’tsaythat’swhathewasdoing

orwhohewaslookingfor,butthewayhiscountenancefellandshoulderscavedatthesightoftheempty

roomsaiditall.

“She’sinherroom,”ItoldhimasIheadedforthekitchentograbCharlie.Shewasstandinginthe

sameplaceI’dleftherin.“Youhavenoreasontobenervous.”

Charlie nodded and reached for my hand. I connected mine with hers, then led her into the living

room.

“Harlem,”Icalled.“Popshere.”

IwatchedmyfatherasCharlieandIenteredtheroom.Hisheadtiltedandhiseyebrowsfurrowedin

confusion,buthequicklysmiledandextendedhishandforher.

“Pleasuretomeetyou.PrincetonCarver.”

“Hi,”hervoicewasitsquiet,chippernormasshesmiled.“CharlieWhite.Pleasuretomeetyouas

well.”

Harlemwobbleddownthestairs,lookingfrommetoCharlie.Charliereleasedhishandandtooka

steptowardsthestairs.

“Hey,Harlem.How’sitgoing?”

HarlemlookedfrommetoCharlie.Thentohim.

“Good.”

Henoddedandputhishandsinhispocketsasherockedonhisheels.

“How’sthebaby?What’reyouhaving?”

HarlemlookedfrommetoCharlie.Thentohim.

“Good.Boy.”

“Wow.Myfirstgrandchild.Aboy.Frommyyoungestchild.Wow.”

Iopenedmymouthtocheckhisass,butCharliequicklygrabbedmyhandandsqueezed.

“Sodoyouhaveanameforhimyet?”hecontinued.

HarlemlookedfrommetoCharlie.Thentohim.

“Hayden.”

“Andthefather?Whereishe?”

HarlemlookedfrommetoCharlie.Butnotbacktohim.Herheadloweredasshecuppedherhands

inthecenterofher.

“Um,Mr.Carver,whydon’tyouhaveaseat.Wouldyoulikesomethingtoeatordrinkwhileyouand

Harlemcatchup?”CharlieinterruptedasshegrabbedHarlem’shandandsatherdown.

Isatnexttoherasmypopssatinthechairontheoppositesideofus.

“Actually,abottleofwaterwouldbenice,”hereturnedhisattentiontoHarlemasCharliewenttoget

thewater.“Listen,Harlem,Iknowmyreactiontoyoubeingpregnantmayhavebeenabit…harsh…butI

needyoutounderstandwhereIwascomingfrom.”

Charliehandedhimthebottleofwaterandtriedtositontheoppositeendofthecouch.Idon’tknow

whogaveheracrazierlookbetweenmeandHarlem,butshequicklyclosedthespacebetweenusandsat

nexttoHarlem.Herarmwentaroundheronthecouch.Thefeelofherfingersmakingcirclesontheback

ofmyneck…itwaslikeshewascontrollingmyemotionswitheachspinofherfingers.Keepingmein

check.IlookeddownandsawthatshewasmakingthesamecirclesonHarlem’sthighwithherlefthand.

“Harlem,” he started regaining my attention. “I was hurt. I was angry. I was disappointed. For the

past10yearsI’vebeenasinglefather,andithasbeenhard.AllI’veeverwantedwasthebestformy

children,andyoubeingpregnantat16wasnotthevisionIhadforyourlife.

Iknowthatmaysoundquiteselfishofmesinceitisinfactyourlife,butasyourfather…Iamyou.

Youareme.Whathappensinyourlifehappensinmine.Thebabythatyou’recarryingismine.Whenyou

toldmethatyouwerepregnantIimmediatelythoughtaboutthefactthattherewouldbeanotherchildthat

I’dhavetoraisewithoutyourmotherandIjust…flipped.

Forthat,mylove,Isincerelyapologize.Doyouacceptmyapology?”

Harlemlickedherlipsandmumbled,“Yes.”

“Good. Great. So… what are your plans? Are you working or is the father working? How do you

planontakingcareofthisbabyandfinishingschoolontime?”

“Well…I’mnotworkingrightnow,butCharliehasbeenhelpingmeresearchbusinessideas.AfterI

havethebabyI’mgoingtoworkfromhomeafterschool.ThatwayIwon’thavetoworryaboutanyone

keepinghimwhileI’matworkandschool.WhileIaminschool,Princess’sauntisgoingtokeephim.

Shehasadaycareandshe’sofferedtowatchhimforme.

No,hisfatherisn’tworkingrightnow.Tage’sfatherwantshisfocustobeschoolandfootballnow,

sohegivesTageamonthlystipend.Tagegiveshalfofthemoneytomewhenhegetsiteverymonth.

Istillplanongoingtocollege;evenifIhavetogoonline.KnightandCharliehavehelpedmealot.

They’vehelpedmetoseethatIcanstilldoallIwantedtodo,soI’mconfidentthatIcandothis.With

Godandthemofcourse.”

Ifeltlikeaproudfather.Watchingherarticulateherplansinsuchasureandmatureway.Ismiled

andnudgedhershouldersoftly.Shereturnedthesmileandnudgedmeback.

“Allofthat…isgreatreally,butwhatareyougoingtodowhenKnightreturnstowork?Whereare

yougoingtostay?Evenifyouworkfromhereyouwillstillneedhelpwiththebaby,Harlem.Especially

thefirstyearofhislife.Andthoseterribletwos.You’llneedhelp.Whatareyoudoingaboutyourliving

arrangement?”

Harlemscratchedhercheekandlookedatmebriefly.

“KnightsaidIcouldstayhere.”

“Alone?You’re16.You’llbe16inschooltryingtoworkwithanewborn.Youneedhelp,Harlem.I

thinkitwouldbebestifyoucamehomeafterthebabywasborn.”

Harlemlookedatmeagain,pleadingwithmewithhereyestostepin,butsheneededtomakethis

decisionherself.

“It’s up to you, sweetheart. Do what’s best for you and Hayden. I’ll support you either way,” I

assuredher.

“Ithink…”HarlemlookedatCharlie.“IthinkIshouldstayhere.”

His head tilted and he stared at her for a few seconds, but it was a few seconds too long because

Harlemloweredherheadandinhaleddeeply.

“Harlem,I’mreallytryingtotreatyoulikeanadultandgiveyouthespacetomakethisdecisionon

yourown...but…”

“Idon’twanttocomehome.Idon’twanttocomehome.Idon’tcarewhatIhavetodotomakeit

workI’mgoingtomakeitwork.”

“Mr.Carver,”CharliesatupinherseatandlookatHarlemandIforpermissiontospeak.“I’mmore

thanwillingtohelpHarlemwithwhateversheneedswhileKnightisaway.”

“Andwhoareyouexactly?”

“Whatyoumeanwhoisshe?”Iaskednolongerabletositandwatchinsilence.“Mywoman.”

“And my sister,” Harlem added as she grabbed Charlie’s hand. “She’s been helping me this entire

time.Shehasabedsideserviceforpregnantwomen.She’sbeenwithmeeverystepoftheway,Daddy.I

don’twanttoputthepressureonherofhavingtohelpmeraisemybaby,butifshe’sgoingtobearound

becauseofKnightandshewantstohelpmeI’mgoingtogladlyacceptallthehelpshehastogiveuntil

I’mcapableofdoingitonmyown.”

“What makes you so sure she’s going to be around after you have the baby, Harlem? They aren’t

married.Hecouldcutheroffjustlikehedoesalltheothers.Shecoulddecidethisistoomuchforherand

leave.Thenwhatareyougoingtodo?”

“OK,that’senough.It’sclearthatyoutwoaren’tgoingtoagreeonthis.Soyoucanleaveandmaybe

tryagainanotherday,”IcutinasIstood.

HestoodandavoidedmyeyesashelookedatHarlem.

“You’recominghomewhenthatbabyisborn.”

“Ifshewantstostayhereshe’sstayinghere.Idon’tcareifIhavetoonlyannouncehomegamestobe

herewithherandthebaby.Ifthisiswhereshewantstobe,thisiswhereshe’sgoingtobe.”

“No,Knight,Iwouldnever…no.Pleasedon’tdothat.It’snotthatbigofadeal.IfIhavetoleaveI’ll

leave,butI’mnotlettingyoudothatforme,”Harlemstoodandgrabbedmyhand.“You’vealreadydone

somuch.Ican’tletyoudothat.”

Not wanting to give her father, yea, he was back to being just her father now, the satisfaction of

thinkinghe’dwon…InoddedasIlookedathim.

“We’lltalkaboutitlater.Letmehollaatyouasyouleave,Pops.”

HefollowedmeoutofmyhomeandIdidn’tspeakuntilwewereathiscar.

“Whatareyoudoing,man?”

“Whatdoyoumean?I’mtryingtogetmydaughtertocomehome.”

“Why?Youdidn’twantanythingtodowiththebabyandnowallofasuddenyouwantthembothin

yourhome?Why?”

“Itjustmakesmoresenseforhertobehome,Knight,andyouknowit.Shewillneedhelp.Shecan’t

dothisonherown.”

“ShewillhavemeandCharlie.”

“HereyougowiththisCharlieshitagain…”

“Nah.Youcango.IhavetoletyourulewhenitcomestoHarlembecauseshe’syourchildandshe’s

16,butyouwillnotdisrespectCharlieinanyway.Soyoucanleavebeforethisturnsintosomethingthat

neitherofusneedittobe.”

Iwalkedawayandreturnedtothetwomostimportantpeopleinmylife.

Itwasmybirthday!Dirty30andIwasreadytogetlit!OK,maybenotlitbecauseIcouldn’tholdmy

liquorforshitandIwashavingarooftopdayparty,butIwasreadytohavesomefun!Istartedmyday

having brunch with my parents and grandparents, then I went to the spa with Veronica. Rodney had to

work,sohetookmeoutlastnight,andDejawasherewithmenowatmyparty.

Theroofwascoveredwithmyclosestconfidants,andIcouldhonestlyfeeltheloveandpositivity

surroundingme…buttherewassomeonemissing.Knight.

Even Harlem’s crazy behind snuck up with her best friend after I told her not to because of the

drinkingthatIknewwouldbegoingon,butofcourseshedidn’tlistentome.Shewobbledovertome

withherlong,beautifulhairblowinginthewindandhandedmeagiftthatItoldhernottobuymeand

kissedme.

NowherandPrincesswereinthecorneroftheroofintheirownlittleworld.

Ispentthenightatmyownplacelastnightanditfeltweird.Ifeltoutofplace.Likethatwasn’twhere

Ibelonged.Knight…I’dbeencravinghimsincelastnight.SinceIwasforcedtosleepalone.SinceIwas

forcedtodealwiththeneglectofnothavinghisarmswrappedaroundme.Hisbreathonthetopofmy

headasheslept.Hissnoresthattrailedoffashefelldeeperintohissleep.Hislegsnakingaroundmine

andpullingmecloserifIstartedtomove.

Imissedmymansofreakingmuch.

Somuchitscaredme.

Makingmywayovertothebar,Ihadaglassofwine.Icouldhandlewine.Lightsweetwine.Itwas

mysecondglassandneitherhadaffectedme.IstoodthereandchuggeditdownasIfoughtthedesireto

callKnight.Ineededhimnearme.Now.

Decidingongettingclosetotheclosestthingtohimhere,IstartedwalkingtowardsHarlem,butwas

stoppedandpulledintoachest.Astrongchest.Mybaby’schest.Hisarmwrappedaroundmystomach

andIcouldn’thelpbutsmileandmoanashekissedmyneck.

“Happy birthday, beauty,” he whispered into my neck before kissing it again. “You smell so good,

Charlie.”

Iturnedinhisembraceandwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck.Thedeepinquisitivelookthathiseyes

naturallyheldwasreplacedwithasmileasIfacedhim.

“Whereyoubeen?Imissedyou.”

Knightsmiledandpeckedmylipssoftlybeforeanswering.

“Iwastakingcareofafewthingsforlatertoday.Saygoodbyetoallofyourfriends.You’releaving

withme.”

“What?”withoutrepeatinghimself,Knightreleasedmeandheadedfortheexit.“Well,wherearewe

going?Ican’tleave.It’smyparty,crazy!”

He continued to ignore me as he left the rooftop. With the help of the DJ, I was able to gain

everyone’sattentionatonce.Afterthankingthemforcoming,IaskedVeronicatograballofmygiftsand

takethemtoherhomebeforedashingofftheroof,downthestairs,andintoKnight’scar.Well,Itriedto

getintoKnight’scar,butthecard,roses,andblueTiffany&Coboxstoppedmefromsittingdown.

IlookedintoKnight’seyesasminewatered.

“Getin,”heordered.

“Ican’t,”IsniffledasIcontinuedtofightbackmytears.“It’sstuffthere.”

Knightchuckledandpulledmebackgently.Hegrabbedeverythingthatwasintheseatandstepped

backsoIcouldsitdown.WhenIdidheputeverythinginmylapandclosedthedoor.Ilookeddownat

everythingthathe’dplacedinmylapashegotinthedriver’sseat.

“Youdidn’thavetogetmeanything,Knight.ItoldyouandHarlemthat.”

“Areyougonnaopenitnow,orwhenwegettotheairport?”

“Airport?We’regoingtotheairport?We’regoingoutoftown?”

Knightnoddednonchalantlyashestaredatme.

“Knight…”

“It’syourbirthday,Charlie.Didyoureallyexpectmetonotgetyouanythingordoanything?Ihaveto

celebrateyouandhavingyouinmylife.Readthecardandopenthebox.”

MyfingersglidedoverafewoftherosepetalsbeforeIplacedthebouquetonthemiddleconsole

andpickedupthecard.

AfterreadingthefirstlineallofthetearsthatI’dbeenholdinginrushedfrommyeyes.Likewater

flowingattheHooverDam.Thiswasn’tjustarandomcardhe’dpickup.No.Heputsomethoughtinto

this.Likehe’dsearchedthroughcardaftercarduntilfindingtheperfectone.Ilookedoutofthewindow

andshookmyheadasIinhaleddeeply.

“Readthecard,Charlie,”hepleadedmoresoftly.

Ilookedoverathimandsawinhiseyesthatmaybehewasafraidtosaywithhismouthhowhetruly

felt.Thatthiscardwashiswayoflettingmeknowinawaythatfearcouldn’trobeitherofusof.

Withaloudexhale,Ireadthecardfromthebeginning.

Theheartislikeacup.Somenew.Someold.Someperfect.Somecracked.Allemptyandneeding

tobefilled.

Onyourbirthday,Icelebrateyourlifeandyourheart.Andalloftheloveyou’vepouredintomine.

Happybirthday.

Icrawledoverthemiddlecompartmentintohislapashelaughed.

“Charlie,” he laughed more as I kissed him. All over. “Babe, wi–” I cut him off with kisses to his

lips.“Ifyoumakeusmissthisflight...”

Thatreturnedmetomyself.Iwantedtotravel!

“Thankyou,Knight.Thatwasbeautiful.”

Ihuggedhimandkissedhimagainbeforegettingbackinmyseat.

“Nowthebox.Althoughyoushouldprobablywait.IfyouhadthatreactiontothecardI’mscaredto

seehowyou’regoingtoreacttothenecklace.”

“Knight!”

HelaughedasIshovedhimintheshoulder.

“What,girl?”

“Howareyougoingtotellmewhat’sinthebox?Iwantedtobesurprised!”

“Youtakingtoolong.”

“Fine!”

My pout was immediately replaced with a smile as I stared down at the platinum diamond infinity

necklace.

“It’sbeautiful,Knight.Beautiful.Putitonme,”turningmybacktohim,Ihandedhimthenecklaceso

hecouldputitonme.“Thankyousomuch,babe.Iloveit.You’rethebestboyfriendever.Thisisthebest

birthdayever!”

“There’smore.Ihaven’tevengottenstartedonyouyet.”

ItookhertoKaupulehu,Hawaiiforherbirthday.Theplanwastostayherefortheweek.I’dtaken

careofeverythingbeforeweleft,soallofherclientsknewthatshewastakingamuchneededvacation.If

theyneededanythingtheyweretocontacthernewassistantBrea.

Iexpectedhertoputupalittlefightforbeingawayforsolong,butshewasfilledwithpurejoywhen

Itoldherwhereweweregoingandforhowlong.Infact,shedidn’tthinkaboutherclientsuntilwewere

ontheplaneheadedtoHawaii.

Whenwearrived,nighthadfallen,sowespentthenightonthebeachtalkingandmakinglovenextto

thebonfireIstarted.Thenextmorning,wehadbreakfastonthepatio.Itwaslargeandgaveusabeautiful

view of the ocean and palm trees that she couldn’t get enough of. We chilled for a few hours before

headingtodosomesightseeingandshopping.

After a helicopter ride across the island we returned to our rental to get ready for dinner. To be

honest,thisrestaurantwasthereasonIchosetobringherhere.Ifounditonlineandimmediatelywanted

to experience it with her. ULU Ocean Grill and Sushi Lounge was rated as one of the most romantic

restaurants, and since I wanted her birthday to be one that she’d never forget… that’s where we were

going.

Becausethiswasasurprise,IhadDejatopackCharlie’sbags.Ihadnoideawhatshewaswearing

tonightfordinner,andasIwaitedforherIwasanxioustosee.Charliewasabeautifulwomannaturally,

butthelightandlovethatwaswithinhershinedoutwardsandmadeherevenmorebeautiful.Shewasthe

mostbeautifulwomanI’deverencounteredinmylife.AndtothisdayIstillcan’tbelievethatshe’smine

sometimes.

She always listens to music as she gets ready, but the song that she was listening to was replaced

withringingassomeonesentheraFaceTimerequest.NowIwasn’ttryingtobeallupinherbusinessand

conversation,butwhenIheardscreamingcomeoutofthephoneIhadtoseewhatwasgoingon.Ihadto

seewhatwhoeverwasontheotherlinewasscreamingabout.

WhenImadeittotheroom,Charlie’sbackwastomeasshelaughed.

“Yougood?”Iaskedgainingherattention.

Sheturnedtofaceme,andIsawwhatthescreamingwasabout.

“I’lltalktoyoulater,Day,”Charliesaidassheendedthecallandallowedmetoseeher.

ItwaslikefatewasourDJandwasplayingajokeonusbecausethesongthatstartedtoplaywas

“Fall for You” by Leela James. Between the lyrics of the song and the monumental moment that was

happeningbeforeme.Beforemyveryeyes.Iwasjust…

“Herewearetogether.Andeverythingbetweenusisgood.I’mridingthiscloud,baby.Readyto

flybutbeforeItakeanotherstep,wouldyoucatchmeifIfallforyou?CauseI’mfalling.”

Her strapless dress was white. It stopped just under her knees and hugged every curve she had

flawlessly.Thedressfithersowellitlookedlikeitwaspaintedonher.Likeitwasherskin.

“I’msousedtostanding.Sousedtobeingonmyown.Butthisthingisnew,baby.ItfeelslikeI’m

losingcontrol.”

Charlie’sfacewasfreeofmakeup.Theonlythingonitwaswhatshetoldmewasnudelipstick.I

didn’tseethepointinitsinceitwaspracticallythesamecolorasherlips,butshelikedthatshit.AndI

lovedwatchingherputitonjustsoIcouldkissitoff.

“I’lltakeanotherstep.IfyoucatchmeifIfallforyou.CauseI’mfalling.”

Herhairwasinitsnaturalcurlystate.AllwildandfreehowIlovedforittobe.

Butitwasthedress…thedress.ThedressiswhathadDejacallingherandscreaminglikeamaniac.

Thedressiswhathadmelookingatherspeechless.NomatterwhereIlooked…myeyeskeptreturningto

thedress.

“Willyoupromisetobethere?Staybymysidealways.WheneverIneedyoudon’tletmedown.If

Igiveyoumyalldon’tletmefall.Wouldyoudothatforme?Holdme.Willyouloveme?”

Its deep V neck cut stopped at the top of her navel, exposing the sides of her breasts and the scar

going down the center of her chest for all to see. She was showing her scar for the first time in years.

Here.Withme.

Anditwasbeautiful.

Charliewasbeautiful.

Charliewasbeauty.

She put her phone on the dresser and pulled one of the roses from her bouquet out. Her smile was

smallandtimidasshewalkedtowardsme.

“Myheartisreadyforloveandtobeloved.AndIchooseyou,baby.That’stheonethingI’msure

ofsoIwilltakethisonelaststep.SocatchmeI’mfallingforyou.”

“Thisdress…”shestartedthenstopped.“Iboughtthisdressyearsagoandit’salwaysbeenajoke

betweenDejaandIbecauseweknewI’dneverwearit.Everytimewewouldgooutshe’dtrytomakeme

putiton,butIneverwould.I’dalwaystakeitwithmewhenwetraveledjustincaseIhadtheconfidence

toputiton,butIneverdid.”

Ilookedawayfromherbrieflyasshehungherhead.

“Iknowthatyoubroughtmeheretocelebratemybirthday,butIjust…Iappreciatehavingyouinmy

lifesomuch,Knight.Ihaven’twornanythingthatshowedmyscarsincemysurgery,andIhonestlydon’t

thinkIeverwouldhaveifithadn’tbeenforyou.”

Ireturnedmyeyestoher.

“Youdon’trealizetheeffectyou’vehadonme.Knight,you’vedonewhatarealmanissupposedto

do. You’ve cultivated me and made me better. Because of the way you cherish me… you’ve instilled

withinmeconfidenceandtheabilitytoacceptmyself.

IknowasawomanIhaveanastyhabitofseekingmyvalidationinmeninsteadofGod,andthat’s

whatmessedmeupyearsago.Igaveamanthepowertovalidatemeandmakemefeelgoodaboutmyself

insteadofGod.Insteadofseeingmyselfasbeautifulandworthyofloveandrespect.

Butit’slike…you’vereversedwhathedidtome.Theinsecurity.Thefear.You’vetakenitaway.So

Ijustwantedtothankyouforbeinginmylife.Thankyou,Knight.”

Herarmliftedandsheheldtheroseoutforme.InsteadoftakingitIwrappedmyhandaroundhers

andpulledherintome.

“You don’t have to thank me for doing what I’m supposed to do, but hearing you voice your

appreciationforme…meansalottome,Charlie.I’venevercaredenoughaboutawomantoinvestinher

orseetoitthatsheinvestedinherself,butyou’redifferent.FromthebeginningIknewyouweredifferent.

I guess what I’m trying to say is… I love you,” she inhaled deeply and the rise of her chest pulled my

attentionbacktothescar.

Backtotheproofofmebeingasgoodtoandforherasshe’dbeentomeandHarlem.

“I’minlovewithyou,Charlie.IhavebeenforawhilebutI’vebeenfightingitbecauseitcameso

hardsofastthatIthoughtitwasn’treal,butitis.Iloveyou.”

Shedroppedtheroseandpulledmeintoher.GivingmeoneofthosetightsignatureCharlieWhite

hugs,butshepulledawayquickly.

“Iloveyou,”sheconfessedbeforehuggingmeagain.

Therewassomethingabouthernotsaying,‘Iloveyoutoo’thatstruckmetomycore.Too. Anytime

thatwordwasusedtoconveyloveitfuckedwithme.Iguessbecauseitmeantalso.Like…thatlovewas

feltorexpressedbecauseofthefirstpersonwhosaidit.Like…hadthatfirstpersonnotexpressedorfelt

it,thesecondwouldn’thaveeither.

Butshedidn’tsaytoo.

Shedidn’tsayalso.

Shedidn’tsayitlikemyloveforherwasthereasonshelovedme.

No.

Shesaiditlikeshelovedmejusttoloveme.RegardlessofifIlovedherinreturn.Likeithadbeen

withinherjustasitwaswithinmeandtheonlyreasonshehadn’tsaiditwasbecauseshewasbeinga

true woman. Keeping her feelings on lock and allowing me to initiate while she responded. Keeping

poweroverherheartandmakingsurethatIwascommittedandonthesamelevelasherbeforeshemade

thatdeclaration.

Shelovedme.

JustlikeIlovedher.

“Sayitagain,”IorderedasIcarriedherovertothebed.

ShesmiledandsighedasIranmyfingersdownthescar.Herhandcuppedmycheek,pullingmyeyes

tohers.

“Iloveyou,”sherepeated.

Resistingtheurgetoripthedressfromherbody,Ipulleditdowncarefullybeforedoingthesameto

herpanties.

“Again.”

Shehesitatedasshewatchedmespreadherlegsandmakemywaybetweenherthighs.

“Iloveyou.”

“Again.”

“I…” her nails dug into my shoulders as I showed special attention to her clit. “Love you,” she

moanedasIslidmyfingerinsideofher.

“Again.”

Myrequestfellondeafearsasherbackarchedoffthebed.Thesoundofhermoaningsoundedjustas

goodatthispoint.Ipushedandpulledmyfingerintoherasdeepasitcouldgowhilesuckingherclit.

Puttingjusttherightamountofpressureonthetopofittohavehercomingimmediately.

“Charlie…”

“Iloveyou.”

I kissed my way up her stomach. Up her scar. Until I made it to her lips. She kissed me hungrily.

Stickinghertongueintomymouthlikethatwaswhereitbelonged.Itwas.Iwasabletokeepmyselfunder

controluntilshebitmybottomlipandstuckherhandinmypantswithoutevenunzippingthem.

“Youwantme…don’tyou?”

“Yes,Knight.Takeoffyourclothes.”

Givingintoherrequest,Istoodandundressedcompletelybeforeslidingbackintobedandintoher.

“Shit,”Igroaned–immediatelyfeelingthedifferenceofherwithandwithoutacondom.

Withacondomshefeltamazing.Withoutacondomshefeltlifechanging.Dangerous.Feltlikeatrap.

ThekindofgoodthathadmecomingtogripswiththefactthatIwouldbeafathersoonbecausetherewas

nowayinhellIwasgoingtopulloutofher.

“Don’tstop,Knight,”shepleadedasshewrappedherlegsaroundme.“Fuckit.Fuckme.”

Withherpermission,Iburiedmyselfdeepinsideofher.Tryingtomakethismomentlast.Goingas

slowasIcould.KeepingasmuchcontrolasIcould.Betweenthefeelofhercream,herheat,herwalls…

hernailsdiggingintomeasIdugintoher…herlegsgrippingmetightlyasshecame,thenopeningwidely

to let me go deeper… the sound of her moans and heavy breathing… my name falling softly from her

lips…therewasnocomingbackatthispoint.

“Knight,” she moaned into my ear as I reached between us to reposition her legs from around my

waisttoonmyshoulders.

Ididn’traiseupthough.Istayedchesttochestwithher.Hittingherjustasdeep.Needingtobejustas

close.Justasconnected.Nospace.Nothingbetweenus.Nothingcouldcomebetweenus.

“Yes,Charlie,”cameoutmoreasamoanthanananswer.

“Iloveyou,”shetoldmeagainbeforemystrokescombinedwithmythumbonherclitmadehermute.

“Iloveyou.”

IswearIdid.AndIwasn’tafraidto.Iwasn’tafraidtoloveher.Iwasn’tafraidtoloseher.Iwasn’t

afraidtofeel.Therewasnowayformetonotfeelwhenitcamedowntoher.SoIgavein.Ifelt…and

continuedtogivehersomethingslow,deep,andtenderthatshecouldfeel.

HawaiimaderealwhatIalreadyknew–IlovedKnight.IwasinlovewithKnight.Andhewasin

lovewithme.Helovedme.Me.Themanwasgorgeous.Hadlivedhisdreams,madeaprofitfromitand

flippedit,andstillhadgoalsandavisionforhislife.Financiallystable.Naturalleaderandintunewith

theSpiritofGodinhim.Iexpectedhimtobeameanie,butonewhiffofmyscenthadhimturningtomush.

Hecouldhaveanywomanhewantedandhewantedme.Me!

Iwasdefinitelyridingcloudnineandwasn’texpectinganythingtobeabletobringmedown.Until

Harlemcalledmeintears.Apparently,Tage’sfatherhadplantedaseedofdoubtintohim.Now,itwasn’t

enoughforhimthatTagedidn’thaveanythingtodowithherorthebaby;hehadTagequestioningifthe

babywasevenhis!

Itriedtoexplaintoherthatitwasn’tuncommonforamantoaskforaDNAtest,butitdidn’ttake

longformetorealizeshewasn’tcryingbecauseshewashurtaboutthat.Shewascryingbecauseshemad.

Madthatshe’dputherselfinthepositiontohavetodealwithTageandhisfamilyfortherestofherlife.

Fiveminutesintoourconversationshewastellingmethathersisterwasontheotherline.WhenI

didn’tanswerthefirstcallshecalledher.Itoldhertojustcallmebackaftershefinishedtalkingtoher,

butIdecidedtogooverandseeherinstead.Tocheerherup,Istoppedandgothersomecookiesfrom

Ricki’scookiesontheway.

BythetimeI’dmadeittoher,shewasstillonthephonewithhersister.Itriedtomotionforherto

not get off the phone, but she didn’t listen to me. Carmen hardly ever called either of her siblings.

WheneverIwasaroundtheyalwayshadtocallherfirst.Butthatwasnoneofmybusiness.

“OK,I’lltalktoyoulater,Carmen.Charlieishere,”Icouldn’thearwhatCarmenhadsaid,butshe

must have asked who Charlie was because Harlem said, “No, Charlie is not a boy, Carmen. She’s a

woman. Knight’s girlfriend. You’d know that if you answered our calls or came home every once in a

while.”

Ialwaysfeltawkwardbeingaroundpeoplewhentheywerehavingconversations,soItriedtoleave

herroombutshegrabbedmywristandstoppedme.

“They’vebeentogetherformonths,Carmen.Idon’tknow.Heshouldn’thavetotextyoutotellyou

somethinglikethat.Answeryourdamnphone!Ihadtocallyouthreetimesbeforeyouanswered!Thatshit

ain’t cool! You dan got out there in Atlanta and forgot all about us,” Harlem smiled and nodded at

whateverCarmenwassaying,andjustlikethatherangerhaddissolved.“Fine.Iknowhewantedyouto

meether.Hesaidhewasjustwaitingforyoutocomehomeagain.Sothisweekendwouldbeperfect.You

better come too. Hold on,” Harlem looked at me and asked, “Charlie, do you have anything to do

Saturday?Carmensaysshecominghomeandwantstomeetyou.”

Ishookmyheadandshrugged.Meetingtheirsisterwasevenmorenerverackingthanmeetingtheir

father.Becauseofthestrainedrelationshiptheyhadwithhim,Ididn’tfeeltoomuchofaweighttogethim

toapproveofme.ButCarmen…theyactuallycaredaboutheropinion.

Eventhoughtheydidn’ttalkmuch,shehadawayofhandlingthemthatnooneelsecould.Shehada

wayofgettingthemtoeatoutofthepalmofherhand.Likeheransweringtheircallsandtalkingtothem

forafewminutesatatimewasablessingtothem.Iwassurprisedshe’dbeenonthephonewithHarlem

foraslongasshehadbeen.Shemustnothavehadanythingelsetodo.

“No.That’s…fine,”Iagreeunwillingly.

“Great! If you don’t come, Carmen,” Carmen cut her threat off and once again said something that

madeHarlemsmile.“Fine.I’llseeyouthen.”

Harlem disconnected the call and I suddenly felt unneeded. Not that I was trying to take Carmen’s

place,butHarlemseemedtobeinabettermoodbecauseofhersister.Herrealsister.WasIjealous?No.

Couldn’t have been. Maybe possessive was a better word. I hated seeing anyone pull on Harlem’s

emotionalstrings;hersisterincluded.

Harlemwaslike…anegg.

Hardexteriorthatwasmeanttoprotectthesoftnessthatwasinside,butthathardexteriorwasway

toofragileandeasilycracked.Sheneededtobehandledcarefully.Iunderstoodthat.Knightunderstood

that. But Carmen and Princeton… even Tage… they couldn’t. Yes, she was outspoken and seemingly

rebelliousanduncaring,butattheendoftheday…shewasalittlegirl.Alittlegirlwithabigbellyand

bigresponsibility.

Shewasanegg.

Hard.Fragile.Soft.

I was on my way home from the gym when Carmen called me. That in itself was a surprise. She

didn’tcallmeunlessshewantedorneededsomethingorwasreturningmyphonecall.Butwhenshetold

methatshewascominghomethisweekendIknewsomethingwasup.Ipulledoverontothesideofthe

roadandsaid…

“Spillit,Carmen.What’sgoingon?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Don’tbullshitme.Iknowsomethingisup.What’sgoingon?”

“Just…callmewhenyougethome.”

“No.Tellmenow.”

“Butyou’redriving…”

“Ipulledover.Whathappened?”

Shereleasedahardbreathandremainedsilentuntilthenoisethatwasaroundherceased.Shemust

havegoneoutside.ThatwasconfirmedwhenIheardadogbarking.

“Harlemcalledmeinhysterics,butwhenIcalledbackshe’dcalmeddownsomebecauseshewas

talkingtoaCharlie?”

AsmileimmediatelyspreadatthesoundofCharlie’sname.

“Yea.That’smine.”

“Sincewhen?”

“Fewmonthsago.Closetofourmaybe.”

“Andshe’sthatcomfortablewithyouthatsheandHarlemaretalking?”

ItkindofpissedmeoffthatshehadthenervetobecallingandaskingaboutCharliewhenCharlie

wasdoingalloftheshitthatsheshould’vebeendoingwithandforHarlem.Butwhatever.

“Charlie is the one that’s been helping Harlem. The girl she was telling you about that we met at

Bundled.Theonewiththebedsideservice.”

“Ohright.Right.Theonethatworksforyou.Sohowdidthatturnintoarelationship?”

“Shedoesn’tworkforme,Carmen.She’sworkingwithme.Helpingme.Withyourbabysister.You

needtobethankinghercauseyoufordamnsurehaven’tshownaninterestinhelpingherwiththebaby.”

“Ididn’tcallyoutobereprimandedaboutnotbeingaround.”

“Thenwhatdidyoucallfor,Carmen?”

CarmensighedintothephoneandwhatlittlepatienceIhadwasbeginningtofade.

“Carmen…”

“There’ssomethingyoushouldknowabouther.Icouldbewrong.Thiscouldbeacoincidence.But

Charlieisn’tacommonnameforwomen.DefinitelynotwomeninMemphis.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“I’d feel a lot more comfortable talking about this face to face, or at least when you’re home,

Knight.”

“Cutthebullshitandtellmewhatyouhavetotellme.”

“Allright.Allright.”

Sheinhaleddeeplyandcursedunderherbreath.

“Knight, you know when mama got really sick towards the end I started going with her to her

appointmentsandemergencyroomvisitsbecauseshedidn’twantdaddytoworryaboutwhatthedoctors

weresaying?”

Inoddedandleanedmyheadagainsttheheadrest.

“Right.”

“Well,yourememberwhenIhadtotakehertotheemergencyroomandwefoundoutthatherkidneys

werefailingandthatsheneededdialysis?”

“Yea.”

“Well…whenwewereleaving…shesawsomeoneinICUthatmadeherfeelasifGoddroppedin

her spirit that she should help them. She stared at the girl for I don’t know how long before the girl’s

doctorcameandaskedmamawhatsheneeded.Mamawenttohisofficeandtheytalkedaboutwhatwas

wrongwiththegirl.Bytheendoftheirconversationmamadecidedtogivethegirlherheartwhenshe

died.”

“What?”

Give her her heart? She was talking about Charlie. She couldn’t have been talking about Charlie.

Charliecouldn’thavehadmymother’sheart.Thishadtobeacoincidence.

“Mamafeltattachedtoherforsomereason.Shesaidshehadbeenlookingforawaytofindsome

goodcomingoutofherdeath,andCharliewasit.MamaendedupmeetingwithCharlie’sparentstogeta

better understanding of what was going on with her, and after having lunch with them a few times she

decidednottodothedialysisandletthingshappennaturally.

Shedidn’twantanyofustoknow,justdaddy,butbecauseIwastherewhenshefirstsawCharlieI

knewwhatwasgoingon.Shedidn’twantustothinkthatshewaschoosingtodieorgivingupornothing

likethat.

ShesaidthatshewastrustingGodandHisplanforherlife.AndthatifHisplanwasforhertodie

andgiveCharliethechancetolive…shefoundpeaceinthat.That’swhyitseemedlikeshe’dgivenupat

theend.Itwasn’tbecauseshedidn’twanttoliveanymore;it’sjustthatshe’dmadeupinhermindand

hearttotrustGodandletthingshappenorganically.Hisway.”

Ihungupthephoneandgotbackontheroad.Carmencalledbackrepeatedly,butIignoredhercalls.

TherewasonlyonepersonIwantedtotalktoaboutthis–Charlie.

Harlem and I were in the middle of a SpongeBob marathon when Knight burst into the door and

stormedovertous.Shewasusedtothissideofhimapparentlybecauseshehardlyflinched.Iontheother

hand had never seen him this mad. And the fact that his eyes were focused on me had me twice as

worried.

Withhiseyesstilllockedonme,hesaid,“Gotoyourroom,sweetheart.”

“Gotomyroom?”

Hiseyesshiftedandhelookedatherbrieflybeforereturningthemtome.

“Now.”

Harlemstoodandleftusalone,andIwaskindofsadthatshedid.Ididn’tknowwhatthehellwas

goingon,butwhateveritwasmusthavebeenserioustowarrantthiskindofreactionfromhim.

Knight’s hands went over his mouth as if he was praying, then he ran them down his face as he

exhaledloudly.

“I’mgoingtostayascalmasIpossiblycan,”heassuredme,butthecoldnessinhisvoicehadchills

coveringmyskin.“AndI’monlygoingtoaskyouthisonce,sodon’tlieorplaywithme,Charlie.”

OK.

NowI’mscared.

“Didyouknow?”

“DidIknowwhat?”

“Thatyouhavemymother’sheart.”

I sat back in my seat. The weight of his words literally knocked the wind out of me. How did he

know?Whotoldhim?Whydidn’tItellhim?

“Knight…”

“Don’t.Didyouknow?”

Myheadloweredaswaterfilledmyeyes.Iinhaleddeeplyasmyshoulderscaved.Inoddedslowly

and closed my eyes – trying to prepare for his wrath. When it didn’t come I looked up at him. He was

lookingatthepicturehehadofheronhiswall.

“Knight…”

“Getout.”

“What?Knight…”

Itriedtograbhishand,buthejerkeditawayfromme.

“Don’tfuckingtouchme.Youneedtogo,Charlie.Now.”

Standing,Istumbledovermywordsnervously.

“Knight…just…ifyouwouldlet…Ididn’tknow…Imean…Iknownow,butI…didn’t…Ididn’t

knowthen.”

“Go,Charlie.IsweartoGodtheonlythingkeepingmefromtellingyouhowIreallyfeelisthefact

thatIloveyourdeceitfulass,butthat’sabouttonotmeanshitifyoudon’tgetoutofmyface.”

“Deceitful?HowamIdeceitful?Ididn’tknow,Knight!Ijustfoundoutfrommydoctorrightafterthe

auction.AfterwecamebackfromVegasImetwithhimandhetoldme.IpromiseIdidn’tknow.”

“Butyou’veknownforagoodtwomonthsanddidn’tthinkthatwassomethingIneededtoknow?”

Therewasnowayformetojustifykeepingthisfromhim,soIdidn’ttryto.

“Youneedtoleave,Charlie.”

“ButIpromisedyouthatIwouldneverleaveyou.”

Dammit.

Thetearswerefalling.

“Idon’tcareaboutthatanymore.YouthinkIcareaboutthatnow?NowthatIknowthatyou’rethe

reasonIlosttheonlywomanthat…”heputsomespacebetweenusandinhaleddeeplyashisfistsopened

andclosed.“She’sdeadbecauseofyou.Shediedsoyoucouldlive.”

“That’snottrue.Whywouldyousaythat?I…Iwaited.Iwaiteduntilshewasgone.Itwasn’tlikeI

made her give it to me. Like she was killed so I could have it. It just… happened. They said she was

sick.”

Mymindandeverythingelsearoundmestartedspinning.Howcouldheblamemeforhismother’s

death?

“Idon’twanttohearthatshit.Yourparentsguiltedherintonotgoingthroughwithherdialysistrying

tosaveyou.Tryingtosecureaheartforyou.Hadshenotmetyoushewouldn’thaveturnedthedialysis

down.Sheprobablycould’velivedalittlelonger.Butshesawyouandjust…”

“You know what? I don’t have to stand here and take this. I didn’t know then that she was your

mother.Ididn’tknow,Knight.Ididn’tknow.AndIpromiseyou…iftherewasawayformetogiveher

herheartbackIwould.IftherewasawayformetofixthisforyouIwould.ButIcan’t.AndI’msorry.

I’msorryIdidn’tknow.I’msorryshechoseme.I’msorryyouchoseme.I’msorryshegavemeherheart.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I found out. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to lose you. But I guess that

doesn’tmatteranymorenow.”

Igrabbedmyphoneandpurseoffthecouchandheadedforthedoor.

“Charlie,wait.”

Thinkinghewascomingtohissenses,IstoppedandwipedmytearsasIwaitedforhimtomakehis

waytome.WhenIfelthisbodyheatIturnedtofacehim.Knightsnatchedtheinfinitynecklacehe’dgiven

mefromaroundmyneckandIclutchedatmyheartimmediately.

“Thereisnoforeverforus,soyoudon’tneedthis.”

MyeyeswentoverhisheadatHarlemonthebottomstairwithtearsfallingfromhereyes.

“I’msorry,”IsaidtoherasIignoredhisstatement.

Icouldn’tacknowledgeit.Icouldn’tacknowledgethatwewereover.CauseIwouldbreak.Iwould

fucking break. The closer I got to the front door the heavier my heart felt. I heard Harlem in the

background yelling for him to go after me, but I didn’t want him to. I knew of his pain. His anger. His

guilt.Hisloveforhismother.

Ineverwantedtobeapartofthat.Iwantedtogivehimlove.Andpeace.Andhappiness.Notthis.

Notareminderofthethinghevaluedmostandlost.Notdeath.

I didn’t want him to come after me. And quite frankly, I didn’t want Angela’s heart anymore. She

wasn’tmineanymore.Shewashis.Andnow…Iwasn’t.

“You’reluckyI’mpregnant,otherwiseI’dbeatyourass!”Harlemyelledasshesmackedthebackof

myhead.

It didn’t register. Nothing was. Nothing could hurt me more than the thought of the woman I love

keepingthisfromme.IknewIdidn’tthinkrationallywhenIwasangry,that’swhyItoldhertoleave.But

shejusthadtostay.Shejusthadtostayandtrytomakemeunderstand.

I walked out to my car with Harlem still going off behind me. Charlie said she didn’t know, and I

wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that this was… some miracle. Some twisted miracle. That

somehowmymotherhadgivenmeonefinalgift…thebestgiftshecould’veevergivenme.Charlie.

Itriedtotellmyselfthatwithoutmymother’sheartCharliemight’vediedandIwouldn’thavehad

eitherofthem,butthatwasn’tmakingmefeelbetteratthispoint.

Ineededtotalktomyfather.

Ineededhimtomakethismakesense.

“Youbetterbegoingtoapologize!”

“Take your ass back in the house. Walking around out here with no shoes on,” I grumbled while

gettinginmycar.

ShestoodtherewithherarmscrossedoverherchestuntilIbackedoutofthedriveway.

TheentireridetomypopshouseCharlie’sfacekeptpoppingintomybrain.Hertears.Thefearful

lookinhereyes.ThewayitlookedlikesheliterallystoppedbreathingwhenItookthenecklacefromher.

Ididn’tmeantodothatshit.Imean…Imeanttodoit,butIdidn’tmeantodoit.Ididn’tmeanto

breakupwithher.Ididn’tmeantoyellather.Sheshould’vejustleftandgivenmetimetoprocessthis

shitlikeIasked.

ButthatwasCharlie.Stayinglikeshesaidshealwayswould.

AftercuttingmycaroffIcalledherandshesentmetovoicemail.Icalledagainandshesentmeto

voicemail.

AsIgotoutofthecarIshotheratext.

I’msorry.Letmeapologize.

NormallyI’dknockandletpopsletmein,butIdidn’thavetimetowaittoday.Iusedmykeyandlet

myselfinside.

“Pops!”

“Inthekitchen.”

Ifoundhiminthekitchensittingatthetablewithacupofcoffeeandhisnewspaperlikeitwasn’tthe

middleoftheday.

“Whydidn’tyoutellme?YouknewCharliewhenyousawher.That’swhyyoulookedathertheway

youdid.Whydidn’tyoutellmeshehadmama’sheart?”

Hefoldedthenewspaper,placeditonthetable,andtookasipofhiscoffeebeforeheanswered.

“BecauseIknewyou’dbreakupwithher,andthatthatwouldbethebiggestmistakeofyourlife.”

Iranmyhandovermyheadashemotionedformetositintheseatacrossfromhim.

“Explaineverything.Startfromthebeginning.”

HewentontogivemetheexpandedversionofwhatCarmentoldmeearlier.Thatmymotherdidsee

CharliewhileCharliewasinherhospitalbed,andimmediatelyfeltsomethingforher.Apulltowardsher.

ShespokewithCharlie’sdoctorandfoundoutthatherheartwasfailingher.Thatshe’dspentyearsinand

outoftheemergencyroombecauseofheartcomplications.

Howshe’dgonethroughallpossibletreatmentswithherheartspecialist,andallshecoulddowas

waitforaheart.

HesaidthatmymotherimmediatelyhadthedesiretogiveCharlieherheart,andwhenhetriedtotalk

heroutofitshejuststraightuprefused.Sheconvincedhimthatherheartwouldn’tbeofanyuseforher

whenshewasgone,andthateventuallyshewasgoingtodieanyway.

She reached out to Charlie’s parents and spoke with them about Charlie on numerous occasions.

Charliedidn’tknowaboutanythingthatwasgoingonbecausetheyweren’tsurehowlongmymotherhad

andtheydidn’twanttogetherhopesup.Asmuchastheywantedaheartforher,theypleadedwithmy

mothertodothedialysis,butshedidn’t.

She told them and my father that she’d prayed and knew that her kidneys failing wouldn’t be the

reasonshedied.ShewasfilledwithsuchpeaceandhappinessatthethoughtofgivingCharlieherheart

thatshedidn’tcarewhathappenedtoherupuntilthatpoint.

As she said, her kidneys failing weren’t the reason she died. The dialysis may have made her last

days more pleasant, but it wasn’t necessary. It wouldn’t have stopped her from having a stroke. It

wouldn’t have stopped her from laying in the bathroom so long without medical attention that she was

braindeadbythetimemyfatherfoundher.

AndwhatmadeitevenmoreofsomethingthatwasmeanttobewasthefactthatCharliediedatthe

sametimemymotherdid,butbecauseofmymother’sheart…Charlielived.

Shelived.

Andshewasherewithme.

Andnotonlywassheherewithme,butmymotherwastoo.Too.Also.AlongwithCharlie.Toofit

perfectlyhere.Perfectly.

Becauseofherheart.

Charliehadmymother’sheartinsideofher.

Itwasn’tabadthing.

Itwasagoodthing.

Itwasamiracle.

Itwashowshemadesurethatevenaftershewasgonethatshe’dstillbeherewithus.

IfIhaven’truinedmychanceofhavingCharlie.Ofhavingthemboth.

“Thanksfortellingme,”ImumbledasIstood–feelingliketotalandcompleteshit.

I shouldn’t have rushed home to confront her. I should’ve come here first or waited until I cooled

down.

“No problem, son. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I should have told you when I saw her, but I

didn’twantyoutoreactirrationally.Iwashopingthatyou’dgrowtoloveherenoughtooverlookthefact

thatwekeptthisfromyou.Thatyouwouldn’tpunishheroryourselfbecauseofthedecisionyourmother

made.”

InoddedasImademywayoutofthekitchen.

Toolateforthat.

Icouldn’tgotomyapartment.Itwouldbeemptyandmakemewanttobeatmyrealhome.Myhome

withKnightandHarlem.SoIbusiedmyselfcheckingonmyclientsuntilthesunwentdown.Tryingnotto

thinkaboutKnight.AboutHarlem.AboutAngela.

Hecalledmeafewtimes.Sentafewtextmessages.Heevensentmethreeemails.Ididn’trespond

toanyofit.Yes,Iknewhewaslashingoutinanger,butthatdidn’tstopthehurt.Thatdidn’tkeepmefrom

cryingeverytimeoneofmyclientsaskedmehowIwasdoing.EverytimeIwenttothebathroom.Every

timeIwasinmycaralone.

BythetimeIpulleduptomyapartmentIthoughtI’dbeallcriedoutbynow,butthesightofKnight

sittingonmydoorstephadtearspuddlingupinmyeyes.Notwantingtobefurtheryelledatforsomething

thatwasoutofmycontrol,Istartedmycarupagain.AsIreversedhestoodandjoggedovertomycar.

I tried to pull out. I wanted to pull out. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave him. I promised I’d never

leavehim.WiththatdrainingrevelationIpulledbackintomyparkingspaceandcutmycaroff.BeforeI

couldevengetmyseatbeltoffgoodKnightwasopeningthedoorandpullingmeoutofit.

“I’msosorry,”heapologizedashepulledmeintohischest.

Icouldn’thughimbackrightaway.Stillhurttoomuch.ButIdidapologizeformypartinthis.

“I’msorryfornottellingyouassoonasIfoundout.”

“You’renotgonnahugmeback?”

Thatmadethetearsfall.

“Youhurtmyfeelings,Knight.”

“Iknow,babe,andI’msosorry.IwasjustangryandIknowthat’snotagoodexcuse,butwhenIget

madIcan’tthinkstraight,”hereleasedmeonlytolookintomyeyes.“Iloveyou,Charlie.Idon’twantto

loseyou.”

“Butyousaid…”

“ForgetwhatIsaid.Forgetitall.AllthatmatterstomeisthatIhaveyou.Itfuckedwithmeatfirst

I’mnotgoingtolie,butthecalmerIgotthemoreIwasabletothinkclearly,”hispalmswenttomycheeks

ashestaredintomyeyes.“Youhavingmymother’sheartisablessing.”

Itriedtohangmyheadbutheliftedit.

“NotonlydoIhaveyou…thisamazing,beautiful,sweet,lovingwoman…butIhavemymamatoo.

Inyou.You’relovingmewithherheart,Charlie.Ihaven’tbeenabletoletanyotherwomaninbecause

myhearthasbeenreservedforyou.Nooneelsecouldcomplementmethewayyoudo.Idon’tknowif

sheknewthatyouweretheoneforme,orifGodputheruptothisbecauseHeknewthatwe’dgettothis

point eventually… but I’m happy, Charlie. I’m happy that you have her heart. It wouldn’t… this

wouldn’t…wewouldn’tbethesameifyouhadanyoneelse’s.I’mnotsayingthathavingherheartiswhat

mademeloveyou…butyouhavingherheart…justsolidifiesthatyou’retheoneforme.”

Takinghishandsintomine,Iusedthemtopullhimclosertome.

“WhenyoufirsttoldmeaboutyourheartconditionIwenttomypopsandaskedhimhowhehandled

losing my mama. I asked him how to prepare to lose you. I don’t ever want to lose you, Charlie. God

choseyou.Mymotherchoseyou.Ichoseyou.Ichooseyou.Idon’twantanythingtopullyoufrommebut

death,andI’mhopingIdiefirstinlike80years.”

IsmiledforthefirsttimeinhoursastheheavinessthatwasinmyheartwhenIlefthimearlierstarted

tofadeaway.

“Hetoldmealotthatday,butthethingthatsticksoutthemostrightnowwasthatwhenIrealizedI

couldn’tlivewithoutyou…notto.”

Knightreleasedmyhandandpulledaboxoutofhispocket.Hetookasmallstepbackbeforegetting

downononeknee.

“Knight…”

“Ican’t.Ican’tlivewithoutyou.Idon’twanttolivewithoutyou.Ineedyou,Charlie.Youmakeme

feel.Ineedtofeel.IloveyousomuchandI’msosorryformakingyoudoubtthatearlier,”heopenedthe

boxandIswearmykneesbuckledwhenhepulledthatringout.“Iwantyou,Charlie.Forlife.Willyou

marryme?”

It crossed my mind to make him sweat. To tease him a little. Take a long time to answer or not

answeratall.ButasIlookeddownintothoseeyes…thosebeautifuldeep,dark,inquisitiveeyes…Ifelt

likethishadalwaysbeenthequestion.Thishadalwaysbeenthequestionbehindhiseyes.Thequestionof

ifIwouldeverleavehim.IfIwouldalwaysbehere.AndtherewasnowayIcoulddenyhimofthatany

longer.

“YouknowIwill.Yes,”mylipstrembledasIfoughtmytearsbutfuckit.

Iletthemfallanyway.

Knightslidtheringontomyfinger,andtomysurprise,itwastheperfectfit.Hestoodandpulledme

intohimbutkeptfromkissingme.

“Ihavesomethingelsethatbelongstoyou,”hesaidashereachedintohispocketagain.

I looked down as his hand came out of his pocket clutching my forever with him. My necklace.

Turning,Iallowedhimtoputthenecklaceonme.IgrabbeditandranmyfingersacrossitasIturnedto

facehim.Hislipswereonmineatthesametimethathepulledmeintohisarms.Andasusual…itwasin

hischestthatIfoundpeace.

“Iloveyou,”hewhisperedintomylipsbeforekissingmeagain.

“Iloveyou.Let’sgohome.”

Harlem

This day didn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Seven months after what could have split them up

forever, Knight and Charlie were getting married. What did surprise me, however, was the little baby

growinginsideofCharlie’sstomach.ItwascrazyhowHayden,whowasonlytwomonthsold,wouldbe

olderthantheirchild!EverytimeIthinkaboutthatIsmile.

CharliewasthemostgorgeousbrideI’deverseen.Hersoftchiffonofftheshoulderweddingdress

displayedherbabybumpbeautifully.Shewasglowingandherlighthadeveryonearoundhersmiling.

EspeciallyKnight.

Hehadthebrightestsmileonhisfaceastheyswayedacrossthedancefloorduringtheirfirstdanceas

husbandandwife.Everysooftenhe’drubherbellyandwhispersomethinginherearthatwouldmake

hersmileandgriphisshoulder.

Iwashappyformybigbrother.Happythathe’dfinallyletherin.Letlovein.Allowedhimselfto

feel.Removedthenumbingpainandguiltandhurtthathadbeenconsuminghimforyears.

Thiswasjustthebeginningforthem,andIcouldn’twaittowatchtheirloveunfold.

Don’tworry,you’llhaveyourchancetowatchtoo…butinme,Hayden,andTage’sstory,though.

Untilthen…

THEEND.

Thank you so much for reading! I’d really appreciate it if you left a review and recommended this

booktoyourfriendsifyouenjoyedit!Let’sconnect!

Follow

my

Amazon

page

to

receive

notifications

about

my

releases

-

http://www.amazon.com/B.-

Love/e/B017KYUD5A/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1466113589&sr=8-2-ent

Subscribetomymailinglisttoreceiveanemailnotificationaboutmyreleases-

http://eepurl.com/bYzdcr

JoinmyFacebookgroupfordiscussions,giveaways,sneakpeeks,andmore–

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1692462904324931/

AuthorPage-

www.facebook.com/authorblove

Instagram–

www.instagram.com/authorblove

Twitter–

www.twitter.com/authorblove

Website–

www.authorblove.com

Paperbackbooks–

www.blovesbooks.com

Self-loveclasses!-

http://blove.teachable.com