MyNumberOne

Twofriends.Twolovers.

Darkpasts.Uncertainfutures.

Mindlesspassion.Wondrouspain.

Oneremarkablelove.Onepowerfulfriendshiptornapartinaseemingly

unendingbattle.ThisisKnoxJacksonandKashaDavies’storyaboutthe

costofbeingnumberone.

By

JaniceRoss

~

STOP

~

DoyouwanttowinoneoftwoAmazonGiftCards?

JaniceisholdingacontestthatisEASYtoenter,butit’sonlyavailableforalimitedtime.Thecontest

isonlyopentoreaderswho’veboughtorborrowedacopyofMyNumberOne.Detailsonhowtoadd

yournametothedrawingcanbefoundattheveryendofthiskindleeBook.

Besuretoscrolltotheendofthisbookandenterthecontestbythe30

th

ofSeptember2016.

~

COPYRIGHTNOTE

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmittedinany

formorbyanymeans,includingphotocopying,recording,orotherelectronicormechanical

methods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher,exceptinthecaseofbriefquotations

embodiedincriticalreviewsandcertainothernoncommercialusespermittedbycopyrightlaw.For

permissionrequests,writetothepublisher,addressed“Attention:PermissionRequest,”attheaddress

below.

[e-mail]

PreparedforpublicationbyKarenPerkins,LionheartPublishingHouse

©August2016JaniceG.Ross

PublishedbyBluSavantPress

CoverdesignbyMayhemCoverCreations

PUBLISHER’SNOTE

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandeventsarestrictlytheproductoftheauthoror

usedfictitiously.Anysimilaritiesbetweenactualpersons,livingordead,events,settingorlocations

areentirelycoincidental.

BesuretosignuptoreceiveupdatesandexclusivesforJaniceRoss:

Newsletter

OtherBooksbytheAuthor:

DamagedGirlsI,II&III

IslandHopping:JumpingShip

IslandHopping:Trinidad&Tobago

AManIsJustAMan(ALovingNateNovella)

JezebelJones,ALoveStory

JustBetweenUs-ShortStorySeries

Mysticism&MythsCollection

ComingSoon:

JezebelJones,SimplytheBest

TooBadforLove(Rory&Teagan)

Dedicatedto

him

:

Somelovesweremeanttodie,

Whiletruelovewasmeanttothrive.

Contents

ThatWasThen...

(FiveYearsAgo)

SixMonthsLater

FourYearsLater

JaniceG.Ross’sBio

OtherBooksbytheAuthor:

JezebelJones

ThatWasThen...

(FiveYearsAgo)

Kasha

~

“You’renotawhoretonight?”MelissaDaviesslurredintotheline.
“Really,Ma?”JustwhenIthoughtI’dgrownaccustomedtotheinsults,thewomanthatwas

supposedtonurturemeforgottherulesagain.Truthbetold,I’dheardmuchworse,althoughthe
name-callingneverstoppedrippingmeapart.“It’smybirthday.Whynow?”

“Birthday?”Sheteasedlikeitwasaforeignconcept.“Whocares?I’msoashamedofyou.IfI

couldtakeyououtofthisworld,endyourmisery—”

“That’swhereyou’rewrong,Ma.I’mnotlivinginmisery.I.Am.Okay.”AslongasIwasaway

fromher,Ihadnochoicethantobeokay.

“Liar!”
“Enough,”Ibarelymanagedthroughstifledtears.
“You’reawhoreandnowaliar.Areyouintostealingaswell?”Yeah,inadrunkenstupor,she

turnedself-righteous.“Answerme!”

Ididn’tneedtoanswerbecauseIknewherwellenough.Everydisgustingthoughthadprobably

rushedintohermindalready.Infact,herwordscouldn’tcomequicklyenough.

“Ihateyou!You’reeverythingthat’swrongwithme...withthisworld.”
TheofficeI’dsnuckintowasagrungytypeofset-up.Iwasoneofthefewgirlsallowedinthere

unattended;inmycase,itcamedowntoblindloyalty.Someoneactuallycaredenoughtoletmebethe
one,theonlyonetoenjoyfreepassageinamajorpartoftheirworld.Soevenwithmydrunk
mother ’sraspyvoiceburstingthroughmyiPhone,Ilaybackonawidevelvetchaiseandsmiled.
Whenlifegottoorough,youhadtolearnhowtoreclinealongthesmoothedges.

I’dgrownupinlove,thenwhenmyfatherwastakenawayfromusayearago,lovedriedup.As

muchasmyheartpained,Iacceptedthename-callingforthesakeofmymother ’sbleedingsoul.
Couldn’tbringmyselftoendthecalleither.SoIplacedthephoneonthearmrestandfellsound
asleep.

~

“Ummm...”aheavymalevoicemoanedloudly.Myhipsshiftedassomeonetuggedonmytiny

shorts.Ametallicscentcarriedwiththemovement,followedbyastalealcoholicaroma.Every
frickin’personIknewdrank,notalittle—awholedamnlot!

Takingadeepbreath,Ieasedopenmyeyesandreachedforthephonethatwasstilllyingnextto

me.Mymommust’vetalkedherselftosleep.Therewasn’tanounceoflightoninsidetheroom,and
whenIpressedthebuttonformycell,Ihadtoblinkseveraltimes.

3:45a.m.
“Shit!”Ijumpedup,grabbedformypinkVickytoteandsearchedoutmyshoeswiththeflashlight

fromthephone.

“Whereareyougoing?”Vanstoodnear.Toonear.
“You’regonnamakemehyperventilate,”Iwhined.
Helaughedfromdowninhisgut,sendingoutmoreofhisalcoholicstench.Isighed,drawingout

theexpressiontomakeitclearthatIwasn’tamused.Hemovedaway.Thelightscameonlow.

“AmIcominghomewithyou?”hedrawled.Hisbeadyblackeyeswereglossy.Hehadthenerveto

grabathiscrotchwhiletalkingtome.

“Oh,um...Ihaveanearlyday.Um,I’msorry,V.”Ineverfeltcomfortableaboutlettinghiminto

myhome.Infact,Vandidn’treallyknowwhereIlived.AllofmymailwaseitherdirectedtoaPO
Box,orI’dhaveitemscometotheclub.Workremainedatwork.Mypersonallifewasmine,what
littlelifeitwas.

“I’mnotbegginganymore,”Vanfinallyresponded,turningforhisdesk.Heploppeddown,

proudlyplayingthepartofkinginhisdomain.Ahintofabeerbellyextendedfromhisshirt.Tiny
pricklesranupanddownmyspineasIstudiedhissemi-attractivebuild.Notsayinghewasn’tagood-
lookingguyoranything.Vanjustdidn’tdoitforme.

“Canyoudropmehome,V?”
“OnlyifIcancomein.”Forgetaboutthewayheaccentuatedthe“comein”.Myinsideschurned.
“Nevermind,I’llcallacab.”
“Youcan’tcutmeabreak?Igiveyoumoreaffectionthatanyoneelse.Ipamperyou,Kasha.Do

youthinkit’sjustbecauseI’mlookingoutforyou?”

“Van,we’recool,right?”Sure,Imight’veledhimon.Itwasn’tintentional.Iactuallyenjoyed

beingaroundhimandknewhewassafe,formanyreasons.Butgettinginvolvedinanactual
relationshipwithhimwasnowhereonmyagenda.Someday,Iplannedonhavingakick-assromance
withtherighttypeofman,whenIbecametherighttypeofwoman.MaybeI’devendecidetohave
kids.AsforVan,hedefinitelywasn’ttheman.Andthetime,itsureashellwasn’tnow.

Hesprangupfromtheseat,hisbootshittingthefloorwithloudthuds.Neitherofusspoke.Instead,

Iclutchedmypersonalitemstomychest.Mystilettosdangledfrommypinkyfinger,whilethesoles
knockedonmyrightthigh.

“Boss,ready?”Thedoorshovedopen.Axel,hisdriver,appeared.Heliterallyfilledthe

passageway.Hisentirebodymovedwhenheinhaledandexhaled,makinghimresembleanoversized
teddybear.Hewasintimidatingtoadegree,ifnotforthefuzzydimplessetamongthewhiskersofhis
beard.

Vanpaused,ranhiseyesoverme,thenturnedbacktoAxelandpumpedhisheadup.Hesignaled

meoutofthedoorwithtwofingers.

Theclubwasempty.Hardtobelievethevenuehadbeenpackedsomuchthathe’dhadtoturn

peopleaway.ButItiptoedthrough,securingmyitemstomychest.Achillysensationtraileddownmy
necktorestonmyback.Onceoutside,ItookthebackseatofaCreamEscalade,hopingthatVan
wouldsitupfront,buthedidn’t.

“Howmanystops,Boss?”Axelteased.
Isquintedattherearviewmirror,throwinginvisiblepuncheshisway.
Vanspatout,“We’redroppingherattheusualspot.Youcantakemehomeafterwards.Youwon’t

havetopickmeupuntillateafternoon.”

Axelnodded,turnedupthemusicandspedoff.Vaneasedoverontheleatherseatstomyside,only

toleanhisheadonmyshoulder.Itensedupwhenhisfingersstartedmassagingthroughmyblue
chiffonblouse.Heeventuallylandedinsideofthepalematerial.

“V,c’mon...”
“CanIcomehomewithyou?”Hewaspersistenttoafault.
Iwantedtoshovehimaway.Buthe’dfoundmewhenIneededafriend.Shit,Iwasinfullviewof

anythingthatcouldpossiblyoccur,sotherewasabsolutelynowayinhellthatIwasgoingtodemean
myself.Ineededtobefirmwithhim;nottopisshimoff,butstrongenoughtomakehimstop.I
wasn’ttryingtomakehimthinkIwasungrateful.Aftermyfamilylifedeteriorated,he’dfoundme.
Vanhadacceptedme—ashy,brokengirl.Could’veleftmeoutonthestreets,butchosetotakemein.
Ididn’twanttoinsulthim.Icouldjustneverbewithhiminthewayhewanted.

“Van?”Iwhispered.Mylipspartedintimetoheartiresscreech.Thevehiclejolted.Vanshot

forward,hittingthebackofthepassengersideseat.Hishornybehinddidn’tstrapup,sohewas
caughtwithoutaseatbelt.

“Whatthehellwasthat,Axel?”
“Thisidiotsteppedinfrontofus.”
“Why’dyougetoffof95?”
“Accident.”
“Getyouassoutofthestreet!”Axelyelled,sittingonthehorn.
TheEscaladechilledasthewindowscamedown.Aman’svoicegrewlouderbythesecond,

cussingupastorm.

“Whatareyouwaitingon?Runhimoverifhedoesn’tmove.Asamatteroffact,there’splentyof

streetoutthere.”Vanpunchedontheseats.

IfonlyI’dleftoutearlier,beforemymom’sinsultshadputmetosleep.Mychestfeltheavy.Sweat

trickleddownmyface.Ididn’tneedtobehereatthishour,whenthesunhadn’tyetcomeupandthe
streetswerestilllifeless.

Damn!
FromthecornerofmyeyesIobservedVan’sfingersshiftingbehindhisback,underneathhisshirt.

Iassessedmypotentialflight,incaseIneededtobreakaway.I’dalreadyputonmyheels,mybagwas
nearandIwasdeterminedtograbitandrunlikehellthroughthestreetsofSouthFlorida.

ThevehiclebeganbuckingjustenoughforVantotakefurthernotice.“Isthisfoolkickingmy

fender?”

“Boss,I’llhandle.”
“Getthe—”Vandippedoutoftheseatandswungopenthedooratonce.Adarkobjectflashed

fromthewaistofhiskhakis.Axelexitedfromthedriver ’ssidedooratthesametime.

“Putdowntheweapon,”aboomingvoicedemanded.“Police!Putdownyourweapon.”
Everyfiberofmybeingshook.Mythoughtsandplanswereblownthehellup.Isomehow

managedtounhooktheseatbeltandduckdownonthefloor.Lifeflashedbeforeme.Whilemy
fingerswereanythingbutsteady,Ifumbledtoremovemyshoes.Whythehelldidn’tIwalkwitha
pairofsneakers?Notthatitwasgoingtoerasemypresencefromthispossibleshowdown.Andwhy
thehelldidn’tIcallacab?

Thewarningsthatshould’vekeptmeawayfromVaninthefirstplacecreptin;theyneverreally

left.AfterleavingPortSt.LucietwoweeksbeforeIwasduetostartundergradatFSUaboutayear
ago,Miamihadseemedliketheplacetobe.Lifeendedformebackthen.Ineededtosuppressevery
singlememoryofwhatmight’vebeen;otherwise,Iwould’veendedupworsethanmymother.Van
hadbeentheonlyfriendI’dmadeduringthattime.His“in”hadbeentheinnateabilitytoknowI
neededhelp.He’dtakenmein,allowedmetoworkmenialjobsinhisclubandpaidmelikearegular
associate,eventhoughIwasonlyseventeenatthetime.

PeeringthroughthewindowsatVanandAxel,whiletheyarguedwithahoodedguyclaimingtobe

anofficer,fearconsumedme.Whatifthingsweretogohaywire?WhatwouldIdo?Gobackhometo
amotherthathadlostthewilltolive?WasIreadytogoback,though?Nomatterhowdifficultlifeon
thestreetscouldbe,wasgoingbacktoalifewithouttheonlymanI’deverlovedapossibleoption?
CouldIlive“athome”whenhomenolongerincludedmyfather?

Myheartthrobbedthrougheveryminutecornerofmybody.Tearsloomedatthebrimofmy

lashes.Iwilledmyselftoremaincalm,butVan,Axelandtheofficerwereallshoutingateachother.

Thecop’swordsgrewlouder.“I’msickofyourbullshit!”

Whatbullshit?
“ThewayIseeit,Officer,youcangoaboutyourbusinessorwecanendthisbullonceandfor

all,”Vanwarned.

Itunedintothatparticularwording.DidVanhavesometypeofdealingswiththisman?
“I’llgowiththelastchoice,”themanquicklyresponded.
Therewereafewmoreexchangesbackandforth,butIdidn’twanttowaitaroundforthefinal

outcome.ItwasstilldarkenoughthatIcouldn’tbeentirelysureofourlocation,butIrefusedtosit
thereandwaitthisout.IvaguelyrememberedseeingasignforHollywoodBlvdwhenourspeedhad
slowed.WehadtobeoutsideofMiami.

PerhapsPembrokePines?Butwiththissortofnoise?
Mymindracednonstop.Ipreppedmyselftodowhatneededtobedone.Finallytakingadeep

breathjustwhentheirvoiceshadreachedanall-timehigh,Ieasedopenedthedoorandmaneuvered
outofthetruck.Mybackpressedagainstthevehicle,whileIallowedthetearstoflowdownmy
cheeks.

Andthen,thereitwas...asingleshot.
“Shiiiit!”Someoneyelledouttheverythoughtthathadmanifestedwithinme.
Ibitonmybottomliptokeepfromcallingout.Themorningsloweddown.Idetachedfrom

everything;instantlyfeelingaloneandexposed.Eventhemenceasedtoexist,ifbutforasplitsecond.
Thatbrieftimeaffordedmethechancetomakeasensiblechoice,ajudgmentcall.Sweattrickled
downmyforehead.Ireachedintomybagandsnatchedoutathingrayhoody.Ineededtobe
forgotten,todisappear.Asmychestnuthairfadedoutofsightunderthecloth,Ispunaroundtosearch
outthelocationandplotanescape.Theairfilledwithsomemoreprofanityandseveralmoreloud
firings.Iwasnolongerabletodecipherthevoices.

Idecidedtonotstayaroundforanoutcome.Iwasn’tconcernedwithwhohadbeenhit,andhoped

thatallthreemighttakeeachotherout.ButknewenoughtoknowthatVanwouldn’tforgetaboutme
formuchlonger.SoIremainedlow,hidingbetweenthecarsparkedonthestreet.Iwaspreparedto
gounderneathifneedbe.AsweakasI’dcometofeel,IneededtoprovetomyselfthatIwasa
survivor.

~

Istoopeddownnexttothecurb,betweenablueChevyandawhiteDodge.Vancameintoview,
holdingaguntothebackoftheman’shead.IcouldalmostseebloodsoakinguptheleftsideofVan’s
shoulder.Hisusualpaleskinhadadingytint,makinghimalmostfilthylooking.Theymust’ve
scuffledontheroad.Evenatadisadvantage,theguywasreluctantinhismovements.Hewasthin.His
clotheswereplain—jeansandablacktee.Witharmsstretchedsideways,hisheadhungdown.Sandy
coloredhairbrushedforwardtocoverhiseyesandforehead.Axelcamearoundfromtheotherside,
blanketingthetwowithhisshadow.HeexchangedwordswithVanforaboutfiveseconds;long
enoughfortheguytotakeoffrunningtowardme.

Mychestbeatintunewithhisquickfootsteps.Iinchedback,heldmybreathandpreparedtorun.

ButIdidn’tknowwheretogointheperfectstillnessoftheresidentialarea.Therewasnowhereto
hide,atleastnotwithoutthemseeingme.IslidagainstthebumperoftheDodgeuntilIwasabletoget
overtotheothersideofthecar;myheartbeatloud,hardatmychest.Ishiveredthroughandthrough.
Thepoorinjuredguywasthrownontotheverycarthatwasmypresentsavior.Myownbackpressed
closeandheldnear.

Iwantedtolive.Ineededtodosointact.Lookinguptothegrayskyforabriefsecond,Itriednot

tobreathe,sinceanytypeofmovementwasliabletogivemeaway.

“Ithinkyouneedtoputdownthegun,”theofficerpleaded.Thewordswererushed.“Let’stalk.”
“DoIlookstupid—”Vanspatout.
“Weneedtogo,Boss.”
“Youbetterlisten—”
“Shutthe—”
“Whatareyougonnado,Van?You’reintokillingnow?”
“Idon’tthinkyourealizedwhoyouweremessingwith,Officer.Youbroughttroubletome,and

thentriedtoseehowmuchfurtheryoucouldgo.”

Noneofthismadesense.Trouble?WhatthehelldidIgetinto?Isankontotheconcrete,

determinedthattheirconversationmust’vetakenprecedenceoverme.Hell,they’dprobablyforgotten
Iwaswiththem.Inthemidstofthetears,Igazeduptoseeafigureinanearbywindow.Itwasachild.
Iwavedmyhand,justslightly.

“Getthehelloffme!”theguyscreamed.Iyankeddownmyarmthathadbarelybeenstuckout.The

childimmediatelyranfromthewindow.

Ipressedmycheektothesideofthecoldmetal,thenslowlycrepttowhereI’doriginallystooped.

Theguyfelltotheroad,nexttothetire.Hisheadgotknockedsideways.Oureyesconnectedatthe
sametime.SunlighthadbarelystartedtosaturateSouthFlorida.Istillfeltsafeenough,withthe
strangerbeingabsorbedintheattack.Hiseyesnevertoreawayfrommine.

Bloodspewedfromhismouth.Vanwassoengulfedinpulverizingtheguythathedidn’tnoticeme

onlyfeetaway.Thenheplacedtheguntotheguy’shead,pulledaway,andpistol-whippedtheunlucky
bastard.Myfingersinstinctivelywenttomymouth.Iforceddownthecries.

Theguy’seyeswereswollen.Adarknessknownasdeathloomedclose,tooclose.Truthwas,I

knewwelltheauraitbroughton.Evenconsideringthefearemanatingfromhissoon-to-bevictim.
Buthehadcomethisfar,anddidn’tbelievetherewasanalternative.Vanpulledhimuponlytotoss
thebodybackdown.IdrewawayfromsightwhenIsawVan’sboothliftupintheairandflydown
towardtheguy’shead.

“Leavehimthere,”Vanordered.“Where’sKasha?”
“Ohshit!”
“Findher!”
Theyracedtowardthebackseat.Keepingmykneesbent,Imadequickflightupthestreetand

aroundthecorner.TheEscaladeflewpastthestreetlessthanaminutelater.Iwasonfoot,theywere
not.Hidingmadesense.Iwaitedabouttenminutes.Mightaswellhavebeentenhours.Mymindraced
overtheshortlifeI’dlived.ThenIsteppedoutintotheopen.

“Kasha!”
“Nooooo...please...”Imovedaway,rushingtosurvive.Thehoodiefellbacktomyshoulders.

Mybarefeetpoundedhardonthesidewalk.Igrippedmybagsandfoughttogetaway.Thecoolmist
ofthemorningairrushedatmyface.Tearsrolledandclungtomyface.

Icouldn’tgiveup.Onewordflashedbeforeme:survive.
WhyIneededto,Ididn’tknow,butIwasn’treadytogiveup.Ihadtolive.Iftheyweretocatchme,

Icouldalmostenvisionmyowndemise,muchlikethestranger ’slifelessbody.Icountedtheir
footsteps,fromthedistantthuddingtotheloudboomsrightbehindme...nexttome.

“Whereareyougoing,huh?”Van’sarmswoopedaroundmywaist.Ashepulledmeinthe

oppositedirection,Icaughtaglimpseofmywildhairinanearbycarmirror.Myeyeswerewideand
lashesclumpedtogetherfromthetears.

“C’mon,Van,letmego.”Abitter,drybreezeflowedoutofmymouth.Myvoicewasgrowing

hoarse.

“Shutup,”hewhispered.
Wespunaroundtoanoddsound,liketheswooshandcrackleofabaseballbat.Ourattention

immediatelywentfromhightolow.Axel’slargebodyandfacewaspressedontothesidewalkafew
feetaway.Van’sfingerssqueezedmywrists,andhisarmsecuredmeagainsthischest.Hereekedof
funkandliquor;aperfectcombinationtheycouldlabelkiller ’sessence.Iwiggledaround,butthen
heardaclickatmyhead.

“Lethergo,”aneven-tonedfemalevoicedemandedasaslendergirlwalkedfrombehinda

concretestructure.Honey-blondehairwaspulledupinaknot;flyawaystrandsgaveheranironic,
angelicglow.Sheworeathigh-high,tealtankdresswithwalnut-shadedkickers.Herfingersgripped
onaredbatwiththewordsLittleSluggerscribbleddowntheside.

Thecornersofmylipscurvedup.Sure,Ihadagunatmytemple.Honestly,thischickhadnofear.

Ionlyhopedsomeofthatbad-asspersonawouldruboffonme.Vanwasunhinged,andacomplete
stranger—kick-assstrangeratthat—waswillingtodefendmewithadamnbat.WhileImotionedwith
myeyes,thesunbeganitspeekaboodebut.Thechick’seyesglimmered,theywereacrystalshadeof
gray.Shemovedprogressivelycloser;notenoughtosethimoff,butjustenoughtohavehim
believinghehadtheupperhand.

“Keepgoingandmindyourowndamnbusiness,you—”Vanwascutoffbythesoundofsirens.

Thecoldobjecthehadpressedtomyheadeasedjustenoughashemadeasimplemovebyturning
towardthenoise.

Ielbowedhiminthegroin,duckedandthechickallowedthebattofulfillitspurpose.Vancrashed

totheground.Shehithimagain,thendidthesametoAxel.Icringedeachtimetherewasa
connection.

“Don’tpunkuponme,chick.”Sheturnedtowalkaway.
“I-I-I’mjustsaying...”Istuttered.
“Takedeepbreaths.Youlivenear?”
Myheadpumpedupanddown.
“Yougotmajortiestothisarea?”
Ishrugged.
“Unlessyouwantthisshittoblowupinyourface,Isuggestyougetthehellawayfrom—”
“Igottagetmyclothesand-and—”
“Andnothing.”Shepausedtolookdownatme.Herchindirectedmetoaskyblue,vintage

lookingChevy.“Yourclothesaren’tworthyourlife,arethey?”

Iswallowedthewarning,clutchingtheonlyremainingarticlesImighteverhavetoremindmeof

thislife.Onceinsidethecar,mysaviorspedmeawayfromSouthFlorida.

Thatlife,thatwaswaybackthen...

~

Knox

~

Irarelydrankduringtheweek.Hell,Itriednottodrinkatall,period.Butwithallthathadtakenplace
withthehouseswe’drecentlybought,acelebrationwasinorder.Iraisedaglassofadarkbrown
brewofrumhighintotheair.

“Thisyearcankissmyass.”Theguys—mybusinessassociatesandboys—raisedtheirglassesin

agreement.

BashRichardswasafast-talkingbastardthatwouldalwayspullthroughatthelastminute;though

hisbehaviormadeyouquestionhisulteriormotivesandloyalty.Hewasscrawnyandspokewitha
southerndrawl,eventhoughhe’dbeenbornandraisedinDelaware.

RoryAckermanwastheseeminglypompousassholewithalingeringMidwesterntone,even

thoughhe’dbeenlivingontheEastCoastforthepastfifteenofhistwenty-sixyears.Hewasatall
redheadwithboldfreckles.Mostpeopleavoidedhim,thoughhewastheoppositeofwhatthey
perceived.Roryreekedofarrogance.Makenomistake,hewasanythingbut.Icouldvouchforthat.

Ourten-yearfriendshiphadserveduswell.Itwashardtobelieveallthattimehadpassed.Bashhad

asubstanceabuseproblematanearlyage.Rorywasabandonedorsomeshitlikethat,thoughhis
storyneverseemedtopanout.ButIneverpressedhim.He’dalwaysprovenhimselftobetrustworthy.
Wemetonthestreets.Andafterbeingdownandoutforwhatseemedlikeages,shitturnedpositive.
Forboysthatdidn’tinitiallyhavebutonestolenpairofsneakers,wenowownedhomes.Webought
andfixedupforeclosedpropertiesforaliving.Mostpeopledidn’tbelievewe’deverbeendownand
out,butwehadbeenatonepoint.

“YouneedtogetoutofDelaware,Knox.”RoryemptiedafreshbottleofCoronabeforeslamming

itdownonthetable.“Wait,let’srideuptoNewYorkfortheweekend.”

“Dude,areyouserious?Weren’twejusttalkingaboutfinishingupthoseotherhouses?”Bashwas

thecolor-inside-the-linetypeofguy.Strangethingwas,althoughhehappenedtobetheyoungestof
ourcrew,hecameacrossasmorelevel-headedthanRorymoreoftenthannot.Asforme,that’s
debatable.

“Shit,youtwopulledmeawayfromthatlasthouse.”Ipushedbackslightlyfromthechair.Iwasn’t

bigonhangingoutorpartyingbecausemyinterestsmainlylaywithanythingthatwouldafforda
comfortablefuture.Forme,tripstoNewYork,oranywhereelseforthatmatter,wouldonlybenefit
meiftheyrevolvedaroundbusiness.

“Youneedtogetalife,bro,”Roryreinforced.Thisphrasewas,isandwouldalwaysbehisammo.

“Theshitinthepast...Leaveitthere.”Withthat,heslammedhissecondbottledown,gotupand
stormedaway.

Thatbehaviorannoyedme,especiallysinceithithome.Iknewhewasright,buttheshitfromthe

pasthadmadeuswhoweweretoday.“Yeah,man.”Icouldn’tdebatefurther,butinsteadleftitthere.
Deepwithinmymind,buriedintheregionsthatheldeachofuscaptiveforalleternity,Iknewour
truthswouldfindawaytosneakbackintotheirlives.

“Rory’srestless,”Bashofferedinalowmonotoneway.I’dalmostforgottenhe’dbeenapartof

thescene.IcouldtellBash’smindwasdistant,asifhecarriedtheworldonhisshoulderstoo.But
truthbetold,wealldidinourownway.

“I’mheadingbackovertothathouse,”Istarted.Nolongerfeelingfordrinksandchilltime,I

pushedbackthechair,knockingupagainstsomething.Bashwavedbutitwastoolate.BeforeIknew

it,mypolowassmotheredinliquid.

“I’msosorry...”athinfemalecriedoutfrombehindme.Lookingbacknow,inspiteofthe

presentcircumstances,thattimidvoiceandmeekcomposurewerefarremovedfromtheErikaI
wouldcometoknow.Infact,IfeltsorryforthegirlIwasn’tlookingforatthetime.

~

Kasha

~

ComparedtoSouthFlorida,DelawarewasadragforTeaganBooneandme.We’dspedawayfrom
ourpastlivessoquickthatatseveralmonthsin,myheadwasstillspinning.Iwasanonlychild.
Didn’thaveanycousinseitherbecausemyparentsdidn’thavesiblings.Allmylife,I’dbeenaloner.
Andnow,beingthrustintoafriendshipwithafemale,Ifeltrelieved.

Isatatashinywoodentable,mybackpressedtothewallofaCreolegemofarestaurantinOld

NewCastle.NoraLee’swashot,muchmorethanthespicyCajundishestheyservedup.Deeperinto
thespot,abluegrassbandprovidedentertainmentforThursdaynighthappyhour.Mynewbestiehad
justgottenupfromthetabletowalkovertosome“spicyginger”.Yes,herexactwords.

Sheflaggedmeover.Mebeingme,Ishookmyheadno.Themusicwasn’texactlymyspeed,but

anoldercoupleatthetablebesidemekeptbraggingabouttheirdriveupfromtwoandahalfhours
southinMaryland.

“Yourboringbehindattitudeisgonnaruboffonme,”Teastatedbetweengigglesasshehopped

lightlyonhertoes.Shegrabbedmyfingersthatwereleisurelyplacedonthetableandsqueezed.“I
foundtheperfectguyforyou.”

“Ididn’tknowIwaslooking.”
“Nosweetie,youaren’t,Iam.”Shespunaroundinthemiddleoftherestaurant.Customersfrom

othertableslaughedoutloud,andthe“spicyginger”fromthebarwalkedovertowhisperinherear.
Evenwiththelightsdrawnlow,Teaganturnedbeetred.Sheshovedhimtotheside.Notoneofthose
weaktypesofshoves,butaman-sizedpushthatnearlyknockedhimoffbalance.“Let’sgo,”she
orderedme,thenthrewdownafistfulofbillsonthetable.Tealetthewaitressknowitshouldbe
enough,andweleftout.

Insteadofheadingforthecar,wewalkeddownthecobblestonesidewalktothewater.Thewind

sentaslightchillourway,aswegazedintothedreadfulSeptembermoon.ItreflectedTeagan’s
suddenchangeofmood.

“Whatdidhesay?”Ifinallybuiltupthecouragetoask.
Beforeshecouldbrushthingsoff,whichwastypicallythecasewithher,atall,slenderguystepped

quicklyuptous.“Myfriend,”hebegan,buthestoppedrightthere.Thedoomandgloomfeelofthe
eveningsuddenlyleft.Thisguykilledthedarkmoodandjustthatquicklybroughtlight.

“He’sanasshole,”TeaganfedtheguyIcouldn’tseemtodisconnectfrom.
“I’mKnox.Thesaneone.”HisintrowasmeantforTea,butoureyesneverlefteachother.
“Look,guy,Idon’tgiveashitwhatyouwannacallyourself.We’renotinterestedinwhatyouor

thatbastarddishout.”Teaganreachedformywrist,butIsurprisedmyselfbypullingaway.

“I’mcoming.”
“Whatthehell!Arghhh.”Shemovedquicklyuptothemarina-likeblock.
“IwasjusttryingtoexplaintoyourfriendthatRorydidn’tmeantoinsulther.”
“Howdidheinsulther?”Properreasoningreturned.Ifeltlikealouseofafriendfornotcatering

toherneeds,butinsteadoglingaperfect,andImeanperfectlygood,stranger.

“Notgoingthere,butIwantedtosaysorry,onhisbehalf.”
“Kasha!”Teagan’svoicetraveledupanddownthedarnstreet.Shehadn’treturned,butwasabouta

blockaway.“Forgetabouthim,it’sgirl’snight.”

“Igottago.”Igrinned.Kindafeltnicetoflirt,eventhoughIhadnointentionofactingonit.Deep

down,IhopedtoseeKnoxagain.

Thenthedreadedquestioncameup,“CanIgetyournumber?”
“I’msorry.Idon’tgivemynumberout.”
“SohowwillIgetintouchwithyou?”
“ThisisDelaware,Knox.Incaseyouforgotwhichstateyou’rein,we’reboundtorunintoeach

otheragain.”Iplacedonefootinfrontoftheotherandtwirledawayfromhim.Idon’tknowwhy,but
Ifeltlikeafairyprincess.IprayedtotheheavensthatIdidn’tgettrippedupbytheunevensideway.
Someonelistened.WhenIturnedbackaround,hewasstillstaringatme.Ididsomethingcompletely
outofcharacter,anditfeltfrickin’awesome—Iblewhimakiss.Thisgorgeousstranger,with
glisteningeyesandperfectlystraightteethwastheonlyguyI’dseeninforeverthatI’dactually
considergettingtoknow.

~

Ineverexpectedtoseehim,atleastnotrightaway.Iwasn’tmuchforhangingout,goingoutorbeing
out.Thatnight,threeweeksback,wasaflukebecauseDelawarewasnottheplacetobeforfun.
TeaganandIneededanythingbutfun.Wehadjustmovedoutofatrashymotelabouttenminutes
fromtherestaurant.I’dsomehowmanagedtogetenrolledforacounselingdegree,whichIdoubted
mostofthetime.Luckily,I’dsavedenoughmoneyfrommytimewithVantonothavetowork.And
mybestie,shechosenottoroomwithme.

LateoneSaturdaynight,Teaganrushedmeoutofmyscarcelyfurnishedapartment.I’dbarely

pulledonafluorescentblue,long-sleevedminiwithflatsandaleatherunderarmpurse.

“Forsomeonehopingtostayundertheradar,yousurelovegoingout,”Iobserved.Sheonly

thumbedonthesteeringwheelandhummedtoDelilah’sheartwarmingdedicationtoacaller ’slong
lostlove,YouFoundMebyTheFray.

Thelyricsfedmysecretdesireforahappilyeverafterloveaffair.Icouldn’thelpbutwonderif

someguywouldfindme.Butthenagain,thosesongswerefortheinnocent,weren’tthey?Nottoo
manymenwantedtosettledownwithachickwithmorebaggagethanalittle.Right?

ChesapeakeInnwastheperfectlocationtobehiddenaway.Insuchasmallstate,itwasgoodto

knowthattherewerepocketsofareaswhereonecouldescapefromreality.Anyonethatwentthere
hadtowanttoenjoythemselves,andforgettheywereactuallyinDelaware.ThatIdid.TeaganandI
claimedthedancefloor.Theonlytimeweleftwastogototheladiesroom.She’dnamedmethe
designateddriver,soIsippedonacoolerwhileshedownedatubmixturewithtendifferenttypesof
alcoholcalledVoodooSpell.

Asthenightprogressed,Iwalkedoutfromtheareawiththemusictofindamarinawithabouta

dozenyachtsdocked.Itwasbreathtaking,thevesselsswayedbeneaththedecorativelights.Eventhe
moonreflectedintothewater.Ifellinlovewiththeideaoflove.Ateardroprolleddownonesideof
myface.

“Itoldyouwe’dseeeachotheragain.”Thevoicewasfamiliar,butIwasn’tpreparedforhimwhen

Ispunclosetotheedgeofthedock.

Beforelong,mylegsgaveway.Ivisualizedmyselfcrashingintotherippledwater.Funnything

aboutit,Ididn’tfighttheurgetofall.Butanarmcapturedmywaisttopullmeback.Indoingso,we
crashedontotheconcreteground.Actually,hedid.Healsocushionedmyfall.KnoxJacksonandI
becamefriendsonthatnight.

Athrobbingflowedfromtheleftsideofhischesttothesideofmyface,andIprayedtoGodthat

hewasn’tabletohearthewildbeatingofmyownheart.Histouchsentelectricityovereveryfiberof
me.AndtheboldscentIrecognizedasCreedAventusswarmedaroundus.Myeyeswereshutbecause

Isimplycouldn’tlethimseetheeffecthewashavingoverme.

“Areyouokay?”
AmI?
Thisbeautifulstranger,who’djustsavedmylife,neededtoknowifIwasokay.Hisarmscaptured

meatmysides.Hisairbecamemyown.Hisstrengthtransferredtomyweakenedbody.

Ididn’tknowadamnthingabouthim,otherthanthefactthathisexistencegavemelife.
So,wasIokay?
“N-No.”Igasped.
Alargehandpalmedthebackofmyheadashebeganamassageofmyscalp,goinglowertomy

shouldersandspine.

“Areyouguysgonnabealright?”Somevoicecrashedourmoment.
“I’mmakingsureshe’salright,”Knoxsaid.
“Icanhavethemturnupthelightsbackhere.Weneverreallyhaveanyoneintheareathislate.”

Theworker ’sfootstepsdrewnear.“Isshedrunk?”

“No,we’refine.”Knox’swordsbecameharshandcarriedahintofannoyance.
“Fine,guy.”Hisfootstepsgrewdistant.
“I’msorry.”MyapologyvibratedonanavyblueV-neck.AsmuchasIwantedtomoveawayfrom

thewarmthofhisarms,Isimplywasn’tabletolethimgo.

Afterafewmoreminutes,weeasedup,eventuallygettingtoourfeet.Knoxbusiedhimselfwith

myhairandpeachsundress.Hepressedhispalmstomycheeks,onlytoslidetwofingersdowntomy
chinandlips.

Histouchsparkedsomethingforeigninme.Iwantedtokeephimclose,toalwaysbeatone.He

ignitedadesire,anenergy,alongingI’dneverknown;onethatIneverknewexistedeither.This
scaredthelifeoutofme.

EverytimeIgotcomfortable,IliterallyheardMa’svoice.Herremindersofwhatcouldandwhat

shouldneverbehelpedmaintainmysanity.

“You’renotgoodenoughforlove.”
“Don’texpecttofallinlove.”
“Loveonlyleadstoheartbreak.”
“Guardyourheartbecausegivingitawaywillonlyleadtodisappointment.”
Mom’swordsbecamemorerealtomethantheguyattemptingtosoothemycaresatthisvery

moment.Itwistedoutofhisgrip,andwilledmyselfaway.

“Youcan’tleaveagainwithoutgivingupyournumber,oratleasttakingmine.”Imovedlikethe

worldwasonmyshoulders,cautiousandworndown.Evenashiseyesbeggedmetogivein,Iknew
better.Ma’swordsshould’vebeenmyguideonhowtonavigatetheuniverse,butKnoxsteppedcloser.
Heworemedownbysimplybeingthisremarkableguy.

~

Thefollowingweek,asIpreparedforaninterviewatalocalcommunitycenter,myiPhonebuzzed.
Notmanypeopletextedme;infact,notmanyhadmynumber.ThenIrememberedhimandmyheart
jumped.

Knox:Lunch?Dinner?Whatever?
We’dexchangednumbersatChesapeakeearlythatmorningwhenKnoxhadletmecrashontohim

insteadofintotheriver.Icouldn’tbringmyselftobetheone.Evenwhenaguyshowssomekindof
interest,younevertrulyknowwhathe’sreallyafter.Thatnight,he’dusedmyphonetocallhis.Went
sofarastoattachhisnametothenumber,tomakesureitwassaved.Iwasfrickin’outoftouchwith

allthingsrelatedtodating.

WhenIlefthomeinPortSt.Lucie,I’dwalkedawayfromaguyIoncesworewas“myfuture”.

Thattimeseemedlikealongforgottendream;actually,personalnightmarewasmorerealistic.
EverythingIoncetreasureddied.Inaway,sodidI.ButthisguyKnoxfedaneedIthoughtwasburied.
Thenjustassuddenly,aslightfunneledintomydarkworld,anothertextcamein.

Mom:Pleasecall.
Therequestwasherwayofdemandingmyimmediateattention.Communicatingwithmymother

beforeaninterviewwasn’twise.Unluckyforme,shewasultra-persistent.

“Mom?”
“Areyouplanningtomovebackdownhereanytimesoon?”Shespokelikewewereinabusiness

meeting.

Fromthewindowinmybedroom,acoolbreezewhiskedin.Goodthing,becausemypulserate

increased.Iexhaledintotheline.“Mom,youknowI’mnotcoming,andmaybenevermoving,backto
Florida.No.”Whatwouldbethepurpose?Vanaside,Ineededtobeaway.

“Fine.Ihopeyou’renotwhoringagain.”
Mythumbitchedtoslideacrossthebottomofthescreen,andforgetIeverhadamother.Ididn’t

needareminderthatIwasborntoher.Beingmyonlyremainingparent,claimingzeropaternity
mightwork.Let’sjustsayosmosis.

“Mom,I’mheadingoutforaninterview.”
“Doingwhatexactly?”shebarked.
“Trainingwithasocialworker.”Ipausedforthecouragetoproceed.“I’mtrainingtobea

counselor.”

“Counselwho?”Momburstintomyear.
“Areyoukiddingme?”
“Kasha,dear,listentome.Don’taimhigh.Happinessisonlymeantforgoodpeople.”Sheliterally

gotchokedupbetweenthelaughterandwords.Myinsidesdropped.Awaveofsadnessflushedover
me.Butthenshestated,“Andevenifyou’refortunateenoughtofindhappiness...itwon’tlast.”

Thephoneslippedthroughmyfingers.Couldlifebesocrueltobaitanyonewiththepromiseofa

happilyeverafteronlytoripthemapartintheprocess?Iabsolutelyhatedmymother ’sworld.I
couldn’tbringmyselftohateher.

Noway.
She’dlosttheonlymanworthytobeloved.Herlife,allhope,endedwithhim.Whatshenow

projectedontomewasn’tmeanttodoanythingmorethansavemefromafaithshe’dalreadyendured.

DidIneedtobehappy?Honestly,whatwashappinessanyway?Perhapsthefallinginloveand

gettingtoasatisfyingplacewasn’tmeantforeveryone,ormeinparticular.

~

Knox

~

SomethinginsidehadbeendormantforaslongasIcouldremember.Infact,Ithinkitwassomething
I’dinstigated.Myemotions,thesameonesthatIkeptlockedawayfromeveryone,werenever
exposed.

Onedayattheageofnine,aftereveryoneelsehadbeenpickedupfromschool,I’dwaitedformy

parentstocomeforme.

Theyneverdid.
OnedayIhadafamilyofmyown.Thenextdaytheyweregone.Theydisappeared,asiftheywere

notevenrealtobeginwith.

Nevercamebackforme.
Icametobealoneintheworld,asthesystemtookmefromhometohome.Forachildwhoonce

hadhope,Ibelievedinnothingandexpectednothing.YearsafterwhenBashandRory’ssituation
mimickedmyown,Iallowedmyselftobelieveintheideaoffamilyonceagain.

AndnowKasha.Shemademewanttobelongagain.Thegirlhadavulnerablesidethattriedto

stayhidden.Iwantedtoruboutthewallsandexposeeveryfrickin’ounceofhertrueself,ifshe’djust
letme.Ihadnointentionofbegginganywomantobemine,butdamn!Kashawasn’tjustanywoman.

Neverthoughttherewasmuchtodointhisstate,butwheneverIneededtoclearmymind,she

showedup.IcouldtellsomethingwasupwhenIfirstansweredthephone.

Sheneededafriend.Icouldbemuchmore,butgavewhatwasnecessarynow.
AquaSol,aCubanMiamirestaurant,offanoldermarina.Itwashiddenaway,muchlikethespot

whereI’dcaughtherthatnight.I’donlybeenthereoncebefore,butknewenoughtoknowshe’dlove
thefood.

Inevercaredaboutthesekindofthings,butlookatmenow.Inolongerwantedtobealone.Ino

longerwantedtowatchothersinhappymode,eveniftheirliveswereanythingbut.Icravedasliceof
anythingmorethanwhatI’dbeendealt.

~

Kasha

~

Knoxcalledtotellmeheneededtotalk.Aboutwhat,Ididn’tknow.TheonethingIwascertainabout
whenitcametohimwasthathewasdangerousformyheart.Ithinkeveryonemightreachastagein
lifewherethey’velovedsomeonesomuchthattheemotionswerecapableofengulfingand
suffocating.Ioncefeltthatformydad,perhapsevenmymotherbeforesheturnedonme.Myfirst
boyfriendfrombackhome,nowhewasadifferentstorybecausehewasenviedbymany,although
ourrelationshipjustexisted.Ididn’tcareenoughtostickaroundhimwhenmylifefellapart.Maybe
hemight’vehelpedmetocope.Maybehecould’vebeengoodforme.ButI’llneverknow.Sometimes
Iwonderediftherewassomethingwrongwithme.

~

“Didn’ttakelongforyoutogethere,”Knoxpointedout,pullingintotheavailablespotnexttomy

ride.Acrosshislipsrestedthiswickedgrin,likehehadahugesecretorsomething.Hishairwas
somewhattousled;theglowfromthefadingsunlightgivinghimakindofmysteriouslook.Hewore
aplainblackandblueteeandslacks.

“Iknewwheretogo;wasn’ttoofar,”Irepliedallinonebreath,suddenlyfeelinglightheaded.He

reachedovertowhiskawayastrandofhairthathadblownontomyforehead.Actually,Iforcedmy
hairintoawildbun.Mymomhadkindaputmeinamood,soI’djustpulledmyselftogetherthebest
wayIknewhow.

“You’vebeenherebefore?”
“Yeah.”
“Howdidyoufindit?”
“It’sprobablybesttoaskTeaganthatquestion.Shecouldfindadropofwaterinhell.”
Webothsmiled,andlaughedjustalittle.
“Oneday,myfriendcameupwithanideatowriteoutallofourproblems,orprettymuch

anythingthathadstressedusoutinthepast.Shehadthisideaforustofillballoonsandreleasethem
intotheair.Thatwassupposedtobesymbolicoflettinggo.”Itriedtoopenupasweremainedinthe
parkinglot,nexttohisCamaro.

“Yougotitbadlikethat?”Hisquestionjabbedatme.Iknewhewasn’ttryingtobemaliciousor

anything,butdamn.Ifheonlyknew.

Ispuntofacetheentrancetothedeck,wherealivebandhadstartedplayingislandtunes.This

could’vebeentheperfecttypeofnight.Hemight’vebeentheperfecttypeofguytodothehappyhour
thingordatethingwith,butIwasn’tyettheperfecttypeofgirl.Infact,I’mnotsurethatI’deverbe.

Hisfingerslandedontheinsidepartofmyarm,ontheoppositesideofmyelbow.“Kasha,don’t

walkawayfromme.”Hedidn’teaseuponme,notuntilIturnedtohim.Ikeptmyheadlow,myeyes
onmyfreshlypaintedredtoes.“Youneedtostopbeingsouptight.Everychanceyouget,you’re
pushingmeaway.Howarewesupposedtogettoknoweachother?”

Ilistened,butwhatregisteredthemostwasthisideathatweweresupposedtogettoknoweach

other.“Gettoknowhow?”Iasked,slowlysteppingbackwards.

Knoxfollowed.“AmItheonlyonethat’sinterestedlikethat?”Hisfingersgrazedmine.Iyanked

myentirearmfromhim.

“Likewhat?Knox,I’monlyinterestedinafriendship.IhavetoomuchtoworkonbeforeIcanget

intothemindsetofworkingonanythingwithanyone.”ImeantwhatIsaidwitheveryfiberofme.

Don’tgetmewrong.Iwould’velovedtogotherewithhim.Knoxseemedtobeagoodguy;the

kindofguydeservingofagirlwithasteadyheadonhershoulders.Heshould’vehadagirlwhowas
abletomakehislifebetter.

ThatwassomethingIcouldn’tpromise.Therewaswaytoomuchhurtinsidetothinkabout

anythingotherthanafriendship.

“Sowhatarewedoinghere?”Thistimeheaddeddistance.Hishandsreachedupandtothesides.

“Igiveup.”

“Knox,I’mnotinagoodplacenow.”WhatthehellwasIsupposedtosay?CouldIlayoutthefact

thatI’djusthadtorunawayfromMiamiafterwitnessingwhatmight’vebeenamurder?Orthat
Teaganhandeddownherownbreedofjustice?Sinceweleft,I’dbeencuriousenoughtowonder
aboutwhat’wentdownwithVanandAxel,butthatwasit.Ididn’tGoogleorsearchoutthenews.I
drewthelinethere.Iwantedtoforget,butIhadtobemindfulthatsomedaythismessmightexplode
inmyface.

DidIwantKnoxtogetdrawnintomypast?
Ofcoursenot.Itwasminetodealwith,nothis.
“Ionlyneedafriend.”Icaughthiseyeswithmine.Thesettingwasperfect.Infact,theeveninghad

begunsettlinginjustright.Daylighthungoninthedistance.

Knoxremainedsilent.Hedidn’tspeakagainuntiltheseatinghostessconfirmedwewantedatable

fortwo.

“Howdoesaguyknowwhenhe’sready?”
“Whatdoyoumean,Kash?”Hismovementswerealmostmechanicalnexttome.
Placingmyfingertipsonhisforearm,Iexplained,“Ialwaysthoughtyouguyswereallaboutfun,

butthensomeonelikeyoucomesalong.”

“Notsomeonelikeme.Me,”heconfirmedwithaconfidentnod.
“I’msorry.Thenyoucomealong.”Ismiled.Thethingwas,myfingerswereitchingtorunacross

hislips,wraparoundhisupperbodyandjustsnuggleintohimlikeI’ddonethenightatChesapeake.
“Whatmakesyouthinkyou’rereadytotakeonsomechick’sissues?”Igiggledinasortoflow-key
way.

“Damn,Kash,nomatterwhocomesalong,therewillbeissuesorbaggage.Youonlyneedto

decideifyoubelievethepersonisworthit.”

Hisreplywasperfect,inthewayithintedatmebeingworthit.Imight’vebeenabletobelieve

KnoxifIhadbeenadifferentperson;thekindofpersonmymombelievedI’dneverbe.

“Rightnow,Icoulddowithafriend,”Imuttered.
“Yousure?”
Iwrappedmyarmaroundhiswaistasthehostessledustothesideofasmalloutdoorstage.I

pressedmyfacetohissidejustenoughthathecouldn’trecognizethetearsthathadformedinmy
eyes.“Yeah,friend,justfriend.”

~

SixMonthsLater

Knox

~

OutsideofthemomentI’dmetKasha,Istartedtofeelaloneinherpresence.Weweretwoentitiesthat
werereadytoconvergealongtimeago.Lookingbacknow,Iknowwhattheproblemwas:Neitherof
uswerebraveenoughtogiveintothepathlifehaddrawnoutforus.WhenIwassupposedtobe
livinginthemoment,Ichosetoexistinashadedbubbletoavoiddriftingor,inthecaseofher,falling
inlove.AsifthatwouldstopKashafromfallingpreyeither.Iwastooterrifiedtorejectherfears.She
wastooscaredtoacceptmycares.

“SomedayI’llfindMr.Right,”Kashablewoutasshewalkedalongsideme.Sheclosedhereyes,

pulledinamouthfulofairandheldtightlyontomyupperarm.Ifshewaspayingattention,she
would’venoticedtheveinspulsatingalmostinstantly.

“Someday,Kash,”Imumbledwithobviousresolve.Aftersnakingmyarmaroundhermidsection,

Iblewatflyawaystrandsofhair.“MaybeMr.Rightwillfindyou,KashaDavies.”

“Idon’tknowwhenI’llbereadyforanythinglikethat,butIknowthetimewillcome.”Shesmiled.

Herheadnestledagainstmychest.Wewalkedalong.Toanyoneelse,KashaandIcould’vebeen
mistakenforlovers.Toeveryoneelse,wecarriedanauraoflove.Welivedasone.Welovedasone.
Andstillfoughttheinevitableasaunitdeterminedtoimplode.

~

AfterspendingseveralhoursoutwithKasha,justwalkingandtalkingaboutnothinginparticular,I
foundmyselftwohoursawayinNewYorkCity.Mynetworkofextendedassociatesranalongthe
EastCoast,withsparksofpeoplereachingvariouslocations.ThiswasallcourtesyofRoryandour
renovationservices.

Thebrickbuildingwasshortofspectacular,ifnotforthenoiseandeagerpatronstrailingthrough.

Everyonemingled,manyflirtedandjustabouteachpersongotfilledwithinthemoment.Isatatthe
bar,nursingastiffdrinkthathadwaytoomuchice.Iwasmuchtoostandoffishforthiscrowd,and
distanttotheumpteenthpower.

Icaredverylittleofwhatothersthoughtaboutmyinabilitytominglejustforthesakeofmingling.

TheonlypersonIbelievedwasworthyofjudgingmewastheonethathadwalkedinmydamnshoes.
Andanyoneelsecouldshutthehellupandtakeaseatinthefarleftcorner.

“You’retheman,”oneofRory’slocalbuddiesslurred.Theguywasactingaplumbfooloffof

lessthantwodrinks,andthepunkwasreadytopassout.

“Nahman,allyou,”Ianswered,hopinghe’dgetthehelloutofmyface.Thesepublicsocialswere

toosocialforme.Roryknewtotiethesethingsintobusinessifhewantedtotemptmeoutoflittle
old,laid-backDelaware.Verylittlewouldgetmeoutsideofthetinystatethatpeoplejokedabout:
Dela-where?MybackexpandedbeforeIpressedelbowsagainstthewoodentop,andIloweredmy
headintomypalms.WhenIlookedup,thejackasswasstillstandingthere,andimmediatelybegan
runningoffatthemouth.Ididn’tgiveashitaboutwhatthedudewassaying,Ijustwantedtobeleftthe
hellalone.

“Man...”Thistimetheguyextendedanarmtopatonmyback.Idippedtothesideandshifted

away,evenpreparedtostand.Theguywasoblivious,whilehiswordsgotlostinaslewofrushed
sounds.

Whatthehell?Isquintedfromthesideashemouthed.Allthewhile,drivetimeandall,Icouldn’t

fathomwhathadpromptedRorytodragmeuphere.Nowwewereatarandombarinthecity,

supposedlytoastingandcelebratingoveranotherpurchase;oneIhadyettoview.Theowners
allegedlyneededquickcash,soRorymadethingshappen.Rory,BashandIhadacquiredsomany
homesthatweneededtohiremen.Thisnewset,however,onlyannoyedthehelloutofme.

“I’llgetthisround,Knox,”Bashalerted,grippingthenewbieandredirectinghimseveralfeet

awayfromthemainbar.ThiswasoneofthereasonsIappreciatedmybros,evenwhentheywere
capableofpissingmeoffforallsortsofnonsense.

Mostoftheguyshadbeenhittingthebottlebeforewe’darrivedatthebar.Witheachnewglass,

theybecamemorepitiful.Itwasagoodthingtheyhadcabsonalert.Bash,Russell,BorisandWayne
clinkedglasses,spillingexpensiveliquoronthealreadyslickfloor.NottomentionRoryandanother
guybythenameofRhys.I’dnoticedhowRoryonlyspokeprivatelywiththisone.Theirexchanges
seemedintense,butIneveronceasked.Ifeltsuspiciousofthestrangerbecauseunliketheothermen,
thisonewasn’taworker.

“Dude,drink?”BashreiteratedwhenIhadn’tanswered.
“Oh...umm.Doesn’tmakeadifferencetome,buddy,”IrepliedasIplacedanotheremptyglass

onthecounter.I’dgottenthefirsttworounds.Butsincemoneywasn’taconcern,itdidn’tmatterone
wayoranother.

“Shit,Iain’tcountingsokeep‘emcoming!”anotherguyslurred.
Allthingsconsidered,mostofusdidn’thaveacareintheworld.Oneortwooftheguyshadkids,

butnoneofthemweremarried.Perhapssomemighthavehadgirlfriendsorsomething.Actually,I
tookthecautiousroutewheneverpossible.

“Youneedtorelax,”Rorythrewoutashisrighthandslammeddownontothecountertop.He

bumpedBashandthenextoneoutoftheway.Withhisleft,hesignaledforthebartenderwhohustled
rightover.Beforelong,glassesofvariousdrinkslinedthecounter.Prettymucheveryoneofthe
guysreappearedtopartake.Andatthecenterofthecommotion,Roryspoketheloudest,actedthe
wildest,anddrewtheattentionofdamnneareverysinglefemalethroughout.

Ipickeduptwodrinksandexcusedmyselffromthecrew.Acouplejusthappenedtogiveuptheir

seatsinthefarrightcorner.

Afteraboutanotherhour,theliquorfinallystartedtakingatoll.Ipassedmyfingersthroughaheap

ofchoppedblackhair.Iwasfeelinghornierthandrunk,andinamoodofsorts.Ourrigorouswork
scheduledidn’tallowmuchtimeforplay,butonthefewoccasionswhenIwasfortunateenoughto
makethatexception,Imadethemostofdowntime.Ihadafewhobbiesthatconsistedofreading;a
worthyhabitI’dpickedupfrommyyoungeryears.Ilovedwomen,notjustforsex,simplybecauseI
couldn’thelpbutbefascinatedbytheoppositesex.Womencould’veactuallybeenahabit,ifI’djust
letgoofallthebullshitstoredupinside.Atthisstageinlife,however,Kashahadbecomemybiggest
habit.Inaway,shewasmysalvation,whiletheother...theotherswouldbeissues.Ionlyneededto
livelifeinthewaythatIwasmeantto,insteadofwaitingtogetoverthepast,orevenwaitingforthe
futuretohappen.I’dforgottenthatthepresentwasnotmeanttobedweltin,butrathersimplythe
conduitbetweenthepastandmyfuture.

Themoretheguysdrank,theloudertheybecame.Honestly,Ididn’tmindtheexcitement,but

startedwindingdownafterseveralrounds.Moreover,unlikeme,theysureashellcouldn’tmanage
shotsthesameway.Iwasn’tthetypeofguythatneededthisrowdyattention.I’dbeperfectlyfineat
home,readingaPattersonorSheldonbooktopasstime.Orevenre-readingCoelho’sTheAlchemist
incontemplationofthestepslifehadtaken.NottomentionthetimespentwithKasha,justwatchinga
movieorshootingpool.

Atthemerethoughtofher,Icouldn’tholdbackthetinglingofmylips.Iinhaled,thenleanedback

myheadasanimageofherperkylipsflashedbeforeme.Shewaseverythingamancouldpossibly
wantinawoman,whenthetimecameforhertosettledown.Shewasjusttoodamnsetonavoiding
relationships.

WhenIloweredmyheadbackdown,Iglancedaroundthebar.Practicallyeverywherewas

crowded.ButthenIsawmovementclosertothefar,darkerendofthebar.Acoupleseatedfurtherinto
thedarknessmovedfromtheirseats,headingforthedancefloor.Ipickedupmyremainingdrinkto
claimbothnewlyemptystools,thenplacedmybootsontheracks.Itwastheperfectspottosurveythe
club,withoutbeingtooobvious.Wheneverpossible,Itriedtobeawareofmysurroundings.Lifehad
taughtmetobediligent,thoughpeopletaughtmetobewise.Ileanedintotakeanothersip,onlythen
realizingIwasnearlyout.Ihadn’treallybeenconsideringanother,butsinceIwasstuckthereforthe
timebeing,itkindamadesense.SoIliftedanearlyemptyglasstomylips,withaslightnodtosignal
forthebartender.Thistimeaslinkyfemale,wearingahugelyseductivesmile,placeditonthe
counterbeforeme.Sheevenwentontoholdmygaze.Ireturnedherlookandthentippedmyglass
herway,enroutetomylips.

Ididn’tsmilemuch,butsmirkedoften.Thiswasoneofthosetimes.IthoughtabouthowI’dbeen

dealtashittylife;onethatseemedtobecomingtogether.AlthoughIheldonfortheunexpected.
Whilereminiscingandallowingthespiritstofloodmymind,Iwonderedhowdifferentlifewould’ve
beenifIhadn’tgottencaughtup.Thoughthewholecaughtupparthadbeenthebestatthetime.

Thebartenderreturned.Herbreastsplayedpeekaboounderthespotlight.Inresponse,Ilickedmy

lips.

~

Knox

~

“Shit,somepeople,”Imumbled.Ididn’tknowifitwasthesignalIgaveoff.I’dalwaysheardhow

chickslovedmysteriousguys,butdidguyslikeme,withapast,everendupwithgoodgirls?Or
perhapsitwasmyfatethatI’dsolidifiedduringthoseearlieryears.

Therewereawholelottashittymenthateasilyturnedgoodgirlsbad,orwickedandcold.And

hereIwas,inaclubnonetheless,scopingouttheplaceforsomethingnew,maybeagoodgirl,since
theonlygoodgirlinmylifewasapparentlytoogoodforme.MymindconstantlyshiftedtoKasha;
hersmileandhergentlenessandheracceptanceofme.AnacceptancethatrestedinthemanIwasat
thisverytimeinmylife.Okay,allright...

Shiftingicecubesinsideaglass,Iperusedtheroomforjusttherighttypeofwomantomakeme

forget,onethatcouldpossiblyholdme,atleastuntilthealcoholicbuzzwasreadytowearoff.That
neededtobeachievedsoonbecauseIfeltthegrowthinmypants,readytoburstoutfrommykhakis.

Ontheoppositesideoftheclub,lightsflashedfromahighbeam,givingwaytoahot-assbrunette.

ShemusthavejustwalkedintothatspotbecauseIhadn’tnoticedherbefore.Istudiedthesideways
profileasshelookedoutontothedancefloor.Shewasfrickin’sweetinhotpink,withdeepcurls
cascadingdownherback;mymanhoodpracticallystretchedinherdirection.Shehadthisrichkindof
tan,orperhapsanaturalItalianglow.Herfacewasfamiliar,thoughunknownjustthen.

Istood,anddidn’tstoptothinkthatthesexystrangermight’vehadamanuntilIreachedfour

barstoolsaway.Shetuggedatmelikeamagnetforallthingssensualandlustful.Bythistime,
however,hereyeshadfoundmine.Sheworeadesperatetypeofpout,whilenibblingatherlips.I
pacedoverwithanurgencytypicallyreservedforthemostsignificantthingsinlife—workand
moneyrelatedopportunities.Thespotwasfilledbeyondcapacity.Infact,itwasnotuncommonfor
anyonetogetplasteredagainstastranger.Yetevenbeingsonear,therewereashitloadofbodies
aroundtheplace.

Hereyescontinuedtocallouttome.Iwasforcedtomaneuverthroughthepeople,remaining

unfazedbytherumbleofhighbassmusicandhigh-pitchedconversationsflyingthroughouttheair.
JustwhenIsteppedinfrontofher,sheextendedherneck,poutingwithblisteringlips.Weexchanged
wordsinasecretconversation.

Inoddedandrestedmyhandonherelbow.Therewassomethingaboutthatcavemantypeofshit

thatjustgotmegoinginthemoment.It’slikeIwasstakingclaiminaway,butnotentirely.Thesexy
strangerfellintolineaswell.Sheturnedfullyintomychest,readytogivein...readytofollowmy
lead.Onewouldthinksheknewmealready,bythewayshesprangtomytouch.Shedid,toacertain
degree.Ijustdidn’trecall.

ThenIsteppedoff;shetrailedalongwithoutevenknowingwhatwasinstore.Shehadtobeabout

5’5”,notmuchcomparedtomyheight,butfearresidedmilesaway.AndwhenInoddedinthe
directionoftheexit;shesmiledandpuckeredherlips.Iledwithoutaword,squeezingthroughand
aroundaslewofpeople.OnlyoncedidIglancebacktofindherinhotpursuitofthedoor,nomore
thanasinglestepbehindme.

“Canyoukeepup?”Iaskedoncewesteppedoutsidetheclub.Itwasdamnneartwelve-thirtyand

peoplewerestilllininguptogetinside.Notthatthespotwastopnotchorownedbyacelebrityor
anythinglikethat.Thesellingpointhadtobeinthelocationitselfandtheatmosphere.

Wemovedoppositethecrowd,whileeveryoneelsetriedtogetin.Iwasalsodeterminedtogetin,

inadifferentway.

Sheraceduptomyside,stillnotansweringthequestion,butinsteadwrappedherhandaroundmy

wrist.Littlebylittle,shesliditdowntomypalm.Ihadnochoicebuttoslowdownjustenough.
Tiltingsidewaysanddownward,Iglimpsedherstruggletokeepup.Therewassomethingfamiliar
aboutherthatIsimplycouldn’tplace.StillIbrushedawaythethought.

Justaswewalkedpastthecornerspotlightandpreparedtocrossintoasecludedparkinglot,she

slantedherheadandgazedintomyface.Sheslowlylickedherlips,battedherlashesandthen
exhaled.Shepulledback,hintingatslowingdown.

Slowdown?Idon’tthinkso.
Thecarswerelaidoutinmazeform,makingitthatmuchhardertoshiftthroughthedark.Itwas

likeanabandonedcity,withtheexceptionofwhateverhadbeengoingonoutsideofthelot.Butthe
furtherinwetraveled,acoupleofmotionlightsturnedon.

Withthebassandboomingofthemusicfadingtonothinginthedistance,Iconcentratedonthe

sexychick’sheelsagainstthepavement,untilshestartedsteppinglighter.

“You’renervous?”Iasked,feelingasoftergripfromherfingers.
“I’mcool,”shewhispered,repositioningherholdofmypalm.Wemovedthroughtheparkinglot

untilIspottedmyCamaro.Thefrontoftheridewaspracticallyhiddenandfacedawayfromanyreal
streetlights.Iliterallyhadtoshakeherhandoffmine,that’showmuchshehadbeenclingingtome.
Forabriefsecond,IconsideredhowIandclingywomendidn’tmix,nomatterhowhottheywere.
TonightIwasmakinganexception...onlytonightandonlyforanotherfewminutesorso.

Ishovedmypalmsintomypocketsatthesametime,notentirelysureofwhichoneheldthekey

fob.EvenasIdidso,thenervousfemaleremainedquietandthedamnheelsclick-clicked.Sheshifted
herlegs,settingtodrivemebat-shitcrazy.

Damn!
“Youwannagobackin?”Iasked,asmypatienceworethin.Thissortanonsensecoulddepletea

man’slibido.Toomuchuncertainty.Toomuchthinking.You’reeitherdoingitornot.That’swhyI
keptmyoptionsslimandonwomenthatknewwhatthehelltheywanted.WhowasIkidding?What
womenasoflately?ThecatandmousegamesbetweenmeandKashawereperhapsonthesamelevel.
“Youdon’tknowme.Icanwalkyouback.”

“Ummm,no,”sherespondedafterafive-secondpause.
Iunlockedthecarwithonehandandwiththeothergrippedherneck,forcefullydirectingherlips

tomeetmine.Shereleasedagushofair,returningtheforceinequalmanner.Shesuckedonmy
tongueinsideofhermouth,beggingformore.Thoughthenightseemedtoproveotherwise,Iwas
stillonetorevelinsuchthings.

Let’smakethisclear,KnoxJacksonisnotabadguy.Neverdisrespectful,forthemostpart.SoI

knewtotakeherinsidethecaratleast,butthatwouldliterallybreakmyflow.Iknewtodriveherto
getaroom,especiallywhenwewerepracticallyhere...onthevergeofdivingin.

Youreallycan’thelpwhereyougetcarriedaway,andmostimportantlyhowfarawayyou’re

carried.Right?SoIgrabbedaholdofthebackofherhead,feelingtherichsilkinessofthickhair.

“Ahhh,”shecalledoutinthemidstofmyotherhand’sexploringherbreasts.“Mmmm...”They

werefull,fleshyandreadytosqueezeoutfromthetwo-sizes-too-smalldress.Ididn’tstopuntilmy
fingersfelthernipple,andreleasedtheentirebreast.Ireachedfortheothersideandunleasheditas
well.OnlythendidIstepback.Itoweredoverher,damnnearhavingtostooplikeajackasstofit
thosebabiesbetweenmylips.

“Don’tstop,”sheimplored.Nowherhandsclaspedherownbreastsasshemilkedthem.Shedamn

wellknewwhatthismovewascapableofdoingtoaman.

Icapturedherhands,positioningherclosertothehoodoftheride.Ithensurveyedthelot,even

thoughitdidn’tmatterifanyonewasnearby.Thischick,whateverthehellhername,wassparking
withmylibido.Iwasnotthetypeofmantosexanytypeofchickthatcameintomypathjustforthe
sakeofbreakingoff.ButithadbeenawhilesinceI’dbrokenoff.Maybeseveralmonthseven...
maybesooner,butthatexperiencemusthavebeenlessthanmemorable.Eitherway,itwaslong
enoughforthisonetoenticemeintosayingtohellwitheverythingelse.

“Fuck,”Ishouted,asmyfleshexpandedtoagreaterdegreeatthethoughtofhandlingmypresent

company.Mypalmtraveleddown,beyondthezipperandboxers.Mymemberhadbecomeso
enlargedthatitwasuncomfortabletounleashwithoutgettinggrazedbythezipper,orevensqueezed
intheprocess.

Bythistimethechickwasperchedonmyride.Sheblewoutairafterseeingmystruggle.Ilooked

up.Shegiggled,coylyplacingonepalmoverthetopoftheother.

“It’stoolatetochangeyourmind.”Iproceededintakingherhand,rollingitalongthelengthof

myerection.

“Mmmmm,”shepurred.
“Yougame,beautiful?”Thatwasmywayofwarningher.Ifshesaidno,thenthatwasno.Iwasn’t

gonnafightandtrytotakeit.Noneed.Butherfingersshelteredmymanhood,movingaroundandup
anddowntheentirepackage.

Icouldliterallyfeeltheforceofthealcoholedgingmeon,andmypresentcompanyonly

succeededinensuringthatIremainedheated.Adark,wickedelectricityswirledandblanketedme.I
suddenlyfeltlikeI’dtakenthingsslowenough.AlthoughIwasnotonetobegforit,Iwasn’tthetype
toplaysillygames.

Sheremovedonehandfrommygrowth,reachedintothesideofthetinydress,pulledouta

wrapperandraisedthelowerpartofheroutfittogivemeapass.

“Whatareyouwaitingfor?”shecriedout.“Takeit.”
ThiswasoneorderIdidn’tmindfollowing.SoIfinishedlooseningtheslacksbeforeliftingher

furtherupontotheCamaro,andplacingheronherstomach.Thoughherfeatureswerepremium,I
wasnotinterestedinseeingher,muchlessmakingeyecontact.Therewaslittleneedtoconnecton
thatlevel.Actually,Ididn’tevenknowhernameanddidn’treallycareeither.Myonlyurgerestedin
snakingmyentirepipedeepinsideofherwomanhood.NosoonerhadIgothertosprawlwide
againstthehood,Isufferedthroughtheritualofforcingmyentiregirthintothemaximum-sized
condom.Ibentforpositioning.NextIgropedherass,onlytoslidebeneathandintoherjuiciness.

“Ughhh!”sheholleredout.Eveninthisfranticpleasure,shetiltedherhipsupwardtoreceiveme.
“Don’tfuckin’move,”Iordered.WitheachstrokeIslammedwithcalculatedforce;thisallowed

hertofeeleveryinchofthethrust.“That’swhatyouwanted...right?”MostcertainlyitwaswhatI
needed;tohellwithherdesiresrightnow.Onsecondthought,shemust’veneededthisasmuchasI
did,otherwiseshewouldn’thavebeenouttheretrickinginaparkinglot,inNYC.

Fornowthough,Iclaimedthemomentandplannedonmakingthemostofit.Noteverymanknew

howtonotonlytakecontrol,butalsohowtoliveincontrol.Asamatteroffact,itwasmorethanthat.
Thetermthatcametomindwitheachjabwaspower...yeah,hellyeah.AndItookitdeeper,though
nottopainherbecauseIrecognizedthatthedepthcamewithexactlyhowIpositionedmyselfbetween
herwingedsprawl.

“Damn!”Sheflickeredherwrist,lashingthehoodoftheride,andforasecondIwantedtosay

holdup.Butherinnerreflexwastoostrong,evenforthesakeofmyride.Shemademewanttoflip

it,pushitandslamitnonstop.Perhapsithadtodowiththeintenserushofsexingoutintheopen,the
blessingsofthealcoholortheexceptionalcompany,butneitherappearedwillingtoletup.She
continuedtobuckupbackwards,hittingatmygroin.Iheldonfirmlywithmykneesbent.Ispreadmy
legsapartandpositionedmyselflowenoughtocomfortablyunleashthefleshasdeepaspossible,
whilestillhopingtoextendherpleasure.

Wrappingmyfingersclosertoherfrontandliftingherseveralinchesfurtherupfromtheground,

Ibeganaviciouspumpingonsomewhatofacurvedangle.Shesuddenlystartedcontracting.The
pulsationswerewildandnolongersteadiedbyherabilities.

Themoreshewiggledaround,themoredeterminedIwastomakeheracceptthefaith.She

mumbledandmadeafewmuffledsounds,thoughherlipssqueezedtightly.MylipscurvedasI
continuedtopouncehertendernessuntilshecouldn’tholdinanylonger.

“Arghhh,”shebawledout.“Arghhh...”Herpalmssmashedbackdownonthehoodoftheride.

Shetippedupwards,tryinginearnesttobebrave.Herinnermusclesagainflexedandmassagedup
anddownthefulllengthofme.

“Fuck!Fuck!”Ispatoutthewords,buryingmyforeheadandfaceintohermassofhair.Ihadan

urgetowrapmyfingersinherhairandyankenoughtobringtherightamountofpain,butwasonthe
vergeofreleasingtoo.Icouldn’tbringmyselftomove.SoIsqueezedevenharderthanbefore.

Thiswasonefortherecordbooks,spectacularforapotentialone-timescrew.Thisgavemelife,

andallowedmetofeelrelevant.Therewassomethingaboutdefiance,especiallyoveranactsovery
public.Eachtimemymanhoodwasburied,Iletgoofthepressureandstressofliving.Isaidgoodbye
tothemanofmypastandfocusedonthemanIhopedtobecomerightthen.Itwasalmostlikethis
buildingupfrommediocresexingtomindblowingsexing.Thisrighthere...thisgavelife!

Bythetimewereachedthatpart,theonewherethebodynearlyseizedupfromaninfluxofblood

tothesexualorgan,timefaded.Ourquick,steadymovementsbecamesloppy,whilethegroans
intensified.IshutoutthefactthatIwasinadark,secludedparkinglotandpumpingintoacomplete
stranger.Forthefirsttimeinaverylongtime,Istoppedcaringaboutafake,bad-boy-turned-good
publicimageorperception.IfIhadgonehome,Imight’vegladlyjerkedoffoverthememoriesand
longings,orthethoughtofKashaDavies.Tonight’sintensitycouldneverbematched,notwitha
simplehandjob.

Iletgoofherlefthip,placingmyhandinherhair.Withfingerstwirlingtightlyonthesilkycoils,

Inudgedherforward.Shepressedontothehood.Thebloodrushedtomyerection,guidingtheflow
ofcum.

Themysterylady’slipspokedoutonlytopullbackin.Sheclearlytookpleasureinthepainbeing

dealt.

Imaneuveredforwarduntilthelowerportionofmybacknearlycavedfromtherelentless

pouncing.Asthecreamysubstancefloodedthecondom,mybodysparked.Ipulledawayandmoved
totidyalmostinstantly.

Ididn’tactuallyopenthedoorofthevehicleuntilaboutfiveminutesafterwe’dended.My

companionstillhadn’tmovedfromthehoodofthecar.Ifnotfortheriseandfallofherchest,orthe
briefexclamationseverythirtysecondsorso,Iwould’vethoughtshe’dbeensexedtodeath.

“Comeinside,”Ifinallyordered,wrappingmyarmaroundherwaistandleadinghertothe

passengersidedoorbeforeenteringbehindthewheel.Wesatinthedark.Herbreathrushedinand
out.Icouldalmosthearherheartbeat.

“What’syourname?”shefinallymumbledinaplayfultone.
Istretchedover,restingonehandonherdress,justaboveherpelvicmuscle.

“What’syours?”Atthemoment,itseemedlikeanunnecessaryformality.
“I’mdiscreet,ifit’saboutthat.Don’tbereluctanttoopenup,”sheteased,battingherlashesinthe

process.“Myname’sErika.”

“Oh...okay.Iexpectedsomethingmoreexotic.”Ithoughtbacktoinsideoftheclub.The

combinationofwineandhotwomenwassurreal.“Don’tgetmewrong,I’mstillnotdisappointed.”I
reachedforherhand,thenplacedthebackagainstmylipsbeforeadding,“I’mKnox.”

“Fittingname.Andwhat’swrongwithErika?”Shesmiled,tossingaheapofshinytresses.Herlips

weredamnbrightred,thoughshe’dbeenchewingonandsqueezingthemshutonlymomentsago.

“You’redamngorgeous,”Iextended.MyteasingwasabsolutelynothingbecauseIhadthissudden

urgetohearKasha’svoicesaymyname.SoalthoughI’donlyjustbangedanotherchicklikeI’dlost
allgoodsense,anotheronestillmanagedtogetundermyskin.

Justsittingthereinthecar,takinginErika’sfruityscenthadmefurthermakingcomparisonswith

myfriend,whomust’vebeenasleep,inatotallydifferentstate,lessthantwohoursaway.

DamnKash.Ineededtoforceherout,tobreakfreeofthethoughts.ThereforeeverythingIwas

feelingtowardmynumberone,Iredirectedatthisnewchickthathadyettotellmeno.Inthis,I
decidedtoscrewheragain,andmostlikelyagainafterwards;myfleshhadalreadystartedtoexpand
oncemore.Iplacedafingeronthecontrol,reclinedandshiftedasfarbackastheseatwouldgo.

“Imusttellyou,”Erikanervouslybegan,“Idon’ttypicallydothingslikethis.Imean...I-Ihavea

decentjob,adegreeandtherespectofeveryoneatmywork.”

Ikeptmylipstight.ThankgoodnessforthedimlightingbecauseIknewbetterthantobelievethat

shewasthisgoodgirlwithatemporarylackinjudgment.“Weallgottalivesometime.”

“Don’tpatronizeme.”
“ThenI’mcallingbullshit.Youscrewedmebecauseyouwantedto.Noneedtojustifyadamn

thing.”

“Iknow,but—”
“We’readults,right?”
Shenoddedinresponse.Herhairdancedforwardtoshieldwhatembarrassmentshemust’vebeen

feeling.

“Enoughthen.”Icouldtakeonlysomuchtalking,especiallywithhowI’dgrowninsideofthese

loosenedkhakisagain.Erikatriedinearnesttomumbleandcontinuewithwordsthatgotlostbefore
theycouldregisterwithme.Iwasmoreconcernedwithunzippingtheslacksandunleashingmy
throbbingmember.Imassagedthefleshwhilerunningmyrightpalminacircularmotionfromtipto
root,andbackdownagain.Adimlightthathadsettledonthedashboardgavejusttherightamount
neededforErikatogetinvolved.

“Idon’thaveanothercondom,”shewhisperedthenblewoutasteadybreeze.Thecarwas

uncomfortablywarm.

Neitherofuswereabletosettleourbreathing,sotheatmosphereonlyappearedtotightenand

contractaroundus.Iknewhowwellmylengthypiecewasenticingher,sowhenshegasped,Itook
thatastheperfectopportunitytotwistinhopesofgivingherabetterview.

“Ummm.”
“Youwantit,don’tyou?”Igrowled.
Erikabobbedherheadinslowmotion,asifmovingtooquicklymight’vetwistedherfate.
“Shiiit,”Ispatout,evenasmyteethlockedandjawclenched.Ilovedherobedience,especiallythe

willingnesstopleaseme.Ididn’tneedtopressureher;notthatIwould.Italljustfellintoanatural
procession.Iclosedmyeyes,asmymindracedwithimagesofhowenticingherredlipsmight’ve

lookedglidingupanddownmyshaft.Shemoanedaslighttease,onlytogiggleagainstme.Bitby
gloriousbit,IwasbeingbrokendowninawaythatI’dneverbeforeexperienced.

“Yeah,baby...”Erikawidenedherlipstocallout,butthentookmeinfull-onanddeep.Nota

singleareaofmyerectionwasleftunattended.

Forachickthathadjustfinisheddefendingherpurity,sheprovedtheexactopposite.Anyone

coulddamnwellsayanything,aslongasitsoundedgood.Theonlythingworthhearinginthatexact
momentofpleasure,however,wasthepoppingfromErika’smouthasshesuckedandletgo.And
sinceI’dalreadyreleased,Ididn’tbelievethatcumingwasinmyimmediateforecast,thoughmy
company’sperformancewaspersistent.

Shetooktothetaskwithviciousresolve,determinedtodraineveryounceofjuicethathadbeen

restingduringmysexualhiatus.Iheldback,heldon,andgraspedherhair.Themotiongrewswifter,
deepertoo,ifthatwerepossible.Mypelvispumpedforwardthenbackward.Istartedtostiffen;severe
bloodrushedalongthemusclesofmylegs.Iranmypalmsdownmyface.Mygroinpulsatedand
sparkedlikeaburninginferno.

Ireacheddown,takingholdofherhairthathadbeenspreadacrossmylap.Thrustingforward

whilepumpingintohermouth,shedidn’tflinch.

“Fuuuck!”Icalledoutfromthebottomofmygut.Energyrushedovermybodyfromheadtotoe

andbackupagain.Iwentfrommaintainingmycool,tojustgrippingontowhatsanityremained,to
fiercepulsations.Womenwerecapableofbreakingdownthebiggest,baddestmenaround.Thespace
thickened.Erikafilledtheairwiththroatymoansthatreachedbeyondmine,barelycontrolledshouts
ofexcruciatingpleasure.

Butthen...
BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!
JustasIgotreadytorelease,aloudthudonthewindowshatteredourworld.Itsnatchedmy

orgasm,throwingittoshit.

“Whatthehell?”Ireactedbyrushingformypants.Iwasreadytoblastthebastardthatwouldnot

onlyrushupagainstmyride,butalsocutofftheexplosiverelease.Itwasn’tuntilthesecondsetof
knockingthatErikareluctantlystopped,thoughherpalmstayedsecurelywrappedaroundmy
stiffness.Gazingupandtowardtheheavyknocking,Erikainstantlysprawledbackwardsagainstthe
door.

“Bitch...trick!”justbarelytraveledinsideofthecar.Itwasn’tthattheyellingwasn’tloudor

anything.Thestompingontheridewasworsethananywords,evenmyinsidesbubbledupwitheach
assault.

“Ohshit...shit...shit,”Erikacriedout.“Don’topenthedoor,please!”Shefoughttotidyoffand

tolookmorepresentable.

“What’sgoingon?”Iquizzed,staringatthewaysheshivered.Myrighthandfoundherthigh,not

lookingtoreclaimthemomentoranything,butshehadbeendamnnearcoweringawayfromme.
Herheadflashedaroundlikeshewastryingtofeeloutthethreat.Iwasinunfamiliarterritory,heldup
withastranger.Iwasinmyride,andhadn’tforeseenathreat.Mybestbetwould’vebeentogetmy
assoutofthere,thenallthisbullshitwouldbedeadtome.Itwasn’tthatIwasacowardoranything,
butwhenyouwereaguywithapast,oronethatpracticallyhadtolearntocontrolhisanger,you
knewwhatyouknew.Whoeverfelttheneedtotauntthelionmightwanttothinktwiceandregroup.
Butthenthepoundingstartedagain.

IgazedbackoveratErikabeforewipingatthewindow.I’dpreviouslyonlyseenabigblob.She

musthaveseenmore,orevenknewahellofalotmorethanmewhenthisallstarted.Thingsgot

clear.Therewasabig-assmanstompingawayatthedriver ’ssidedoor.

Thud.Thud.Thud.Thud.
Butthenhesuddenlystoppedandjustasquicklymovedaway.Silenceonceagain.Ihustled

forward,drapingmyarmsaroundthewheel.ImovedtostartuptheCamaro,butonlythenrealized
thatIdidn’tsecureitwhenwewereontopofthehood.Somykeyfobwasmorethanlikelyonthe
ground,underneaththeride.

Izippedupmypantswhileside-eyeingErika.Hereyesavertedmyglare.Hershouldersrounded

assheleanedforward,lightlysobbingandrepeatingthesamephrase:“Shit...shit...shit.”

“Cutitout!”Iwrappedmyfingersaroundherelbow.“Whothehellisthat?”
“Itdoesn’tmatter.I’mdead,”sheannounced.Hervoicefaded,disappearingintothenight.Andas

quicklyastheyfirstappeared,thetearsceased.Shegulpedasifshe’dsomehowdecidedtoaccept
whateverfaithawaitedher.Judgmentloomed?

Iwasnotafanofsurprises.I’dhadmyshareinthepast.ThepastwassomethingI’donlywished

toremainassuch,eventhoughthemistakesIconstantlytriedtolivebeyondrevisitedme.Whilethe
insidetemperaturegrew,sweatcollectedonmyforehead.Myhandsswipedacrossmyface,thenmy
palmslingeredatthesides.Itookadeepbreath.Icouldn’thelpbutwonder—ifI’dcontinuedtolivea
rigidlife,Iwouldn’tcurrentlyhavebeenstuckinthedamncarwithacynicalgirl.SureI’denjoyed
thescrew;butwasitreallyworththehassle,thedisrespecttowardtheCamaro?Woulditbeworthitto
theunluckybastardthatthoughtitwasokaytostepuptoastrangerwithapast?Ididn’tgiveadamnif
hewasthereforthechickornot.Anddamn,thesorry-asspunkwouldcertainlyfathomwhatwasin
storeforhimifhedidn’tmellowout.

“Wecan’tjustsitinhere,Erika.Ithinkmykeymightbeontheground.”
“No,don’topenthedoor!”Shelungedtothesteeringwheel,fightingtokeepthedoorshut.
Whatthehellwasupwiththischick?“Idon’tknowwhothehellthisguyisandwhathe’sabout.

Plus,Idon’tknowifhe’sstrappedoranyofthatbullshit.”

Thenshebegged,“Please,let’swaitafewminutes.”
Iwasnotoneforthistypeofdrama.Icontemplatedgoingoutsideandfacingwhateverthehellwas

lurking.Orjustputtingheroutandsayingfuckitbecauseshewasn’tmyconcern.Orathirdoption
might’veworked.Icould’vemaneuveredoutsideandcollectedthestarter.Mydesireturnedtogetting
asfarawayfromthisnightaspossible.Ididn’tcaretoseetheareaorthatclubeveragaininlife.

Theultimatedecisioncameallatoncewhenthepassenger-sideglassshattered,andspeckles

torpedoedinsideoftheCamaro.Iraisedmyarmstoshieldmyselffromthefragments,and
fortunatelydidn’tfeeltheremnants.Fromthecornerofmyeyes,IexaminedErika.

“Ahhhhhh!”Erikascreamed.Blotchesofredformedacrossherskin.Ratherthantrytoshelter

herself,she’dbeenfocusedonseekingouttheintruder.Theminutethebreakinghadbegun,she
shouldhaveturnedawayandavoidedruiningherface.Thescreamswerechilling,asifshehad
insightintowhathunginthebalance.Thenabulkyfistenteredthroughthejaggededgesofthe
window,grabbingontoherhair.Thebastardtugged,pullingherwithsuchapassionthathealmost
knockedthewindoutofher.

Herarmsflewoutandwide.ButErikafoughttoremaininherseat,oreveninsideofthevehicle.I

grippedforherbody.Thisattemptwasactuallymoredamagingbecausesheendedupdraggingon
theglass,sincethebastardontheotherendmadesuretotugherdownward.

“Bitch!”theownerofthefilthypawbellowedout.Hewasliterallythrowingagrown-manfit.And

thenthebastardkickedmyride.Thistimetheforcewassomuchthatitrocked.

Mymindscattered.Kickmydamnride?He’slookingtogetshutdown.Iheldmybreath,saida

prayer,aHailMary...Absolutelyanythingthatwouldshiftmyfocusawayfromkickingopenthecar
doorandbashingitontopofthedude’shead.Thesedesireswerenolongermine...Notthenewand
improvedKnoxJackson.Theyshouldnolongerbemydesires.Theurgesshouldhaveleftmeages
ago.Iwasanewperson;freetoliveamongstcivilization,sotospeak.I’dlearnedalongtimeagoto
keepmyselfunderwraps.Indoingso,Ihadahabitofallowingthingstogettuckedinsideofme.I
wastypicallygoodatmakingpredictionsonhowthingswouldplayout,thoughithadbeenyears.
Thispresentcircumstance,thiswasnolongermylifeandthisdramashouldnothavebeenmineto
defend.

HowcouldIhavemiscalculatedthenightthisway?IfIhadremainedinthefrickin’seatatthebar,

buyingroundsforthehellofitandignoringthebullshit,Iwouldn’tnowbeforcedtodosomething,
anything,torectifytheshittyaftermathofawildscrew.AsmuchasI’dfoughttheinevitable,there
wasonlyonewaytodealwiththishereissue.Idamnwellcouldn’tremaininsidethecaranylonger.
Takingadeepbreath,Iheldontothedoorhandle,yankedandswungmyfeettorestontheground.

“Dude...”Myvoicetrailedintotheair,evenabovethefussingthathadbeengoingon,onthe

oppositesideofthevehicle.ThejackassdamnnearforgotaboutErikaandinsteadrushedovertome.

Theguy’sheadbarelyreachedbeyondmyshoulder.Hehadamassofwildblackhairthatcame

alivethemorehemovedaround.Fromseveralfeetaway,largelightsfloodedthelot,shiningdirectly
atus.Onlymomentsearlier,ithadbeendarkenoughtoscrewonthehoodoftheCamaro,nowthe
localehadsuddenlybecomeFightNightLive.Imadenoteofthewide,broadeningpupilsofthedude.
Notthattherewasanounceoffear,butratherpity.Wetussledbriefly;eachpushingmightilybefore
backinguptoassesstheother.Myshouldersexpanded.Hischestpuffedup.Thoughmybodywasnot
aswideastheshorterguysizingmeup,Irandifferentscenariosthroughmymind;onesthatwould
usemyheightforthebenefit.

“Bitch!”theguyspatout,sprayingsalivaupintotheairandontomyshirt.
“TheonlybitchIseeisyourshortass,”Ifedhim,notevenmovingtopatoffthespit.Therewas

absolutelynothingthatthispunkwascapableofdoingtoknockmeoffmygame.Thedudewastoo
hype,tooovereager,andtooemotional.Thosetraitswouldhaveanyonebehavinginanirrational
way,andinthiscase,gethisassbeat.

“Youreadyforme?”Erika’smanroared.Irefusedtoimaginethatarandomguywouldgo

throughallthistrouble.Theguywasasight—ashort,stockygoonwithanuglymug.Heforced
toughness,phonyintimidation.Hestretchedouthisneck,thenexpandedanarmtodisplayathick
tattooofasnaketrailingfromoneendtotheother.Ishookmyheadovertheinsignificantmove.

Theguylungedforme.Hisfiststightenedathissidesuntil,withinamatterofseconds,hestooda

meretwoinchesaway.Atthisexactmoment,arightbodypunchconnectedwithmylowerabdomen.I
stumbledbackwardsandbracedontheCamaro.Therewasn’tenoughtimetobuildbackupbefore
anotherpunchflewbymyjaw.IfeltthebreezemorethantheblowbecauseofhowI’dpositioned
myselfonthemetal;inthesamespotI’djusttakenthisguy’sinfatuation,Erika.Andtheentiretime,
thejackasskeptgruntingandpullingforairashejabbedforme.

“Allthisoverwhat?”Itauntedasthebastardtippedatightfistagainstmychin.Takingafew

puncheswaspartofthegame.Iwasn’tthetypethateverplannedforafightordrama—neverdid,but
somehowIgotsuckedintothingslikethis.Butthatwassupposedtobealifeofthepast.

“I’mgonna—”
WHAM!
Ilandedafistdeadintheguy’smouthbeforehecouldgetanotherwordout.Notanassault,nota

flurry.Justonecalculatedthumpinhismouth.Iwasanythingbutastreetfighter,atleastnotatthis

stageofmylife.SureIhaddonealltypesofshitwhenIwasyounger,butafteracertainpointinlife,
thatbullhadtocometoanend.Itriedtoshakeoffthememoriesofalifethatseemedtoexistwithin
anotherman.ThepersonIwasmight’vebeenfarremovedfromthemanI’dbecome.

WHAM!
Thistripdownmemorylaneaffordedmyopponentthechancetogetaquickoneinandknockme

onmyass.

“Getupandfight,youbastard!”theman’sgruffvoicedemanded.Hepacedfromonelegtothe

other,resemblinganItalianMikeTysoninhisheyday.

“Tony!”Erikacalledout,finallyexitingherendofthecar.“Please,you’regonnakillhim.”
“Yougetoverthere.I’lldealwithyoulater.”Tonypausedtolookherway.
“I’mnotyourstodealwith,notanymore.”Herpleadingdieddownasshenearedhim.Bloody

spotssurroundedhershouldersandthesideofherface.Herclotheshadbecomeraggedyandtorn.
Shewasnowbarefoot.CertainlynotwhatI’dexpectedwhenI’dspottedheroverontheothersideof
thebar.

Tonyshiftedhisentirebody,closingthedistancebetweenthem.“Allthisafterus?”
“Us?Morethansixmonthsago,”shemeeklypointedout.
“Soyoucomeouttoarandomclubandturnatrickwithsomeasshole?”Tony’shollowvoice

rangoutintothenight,drawingattentionfromoverontheoppositesideofthestreet,wellbeyondthe
parkinglotandall.ButafterhelashedoutonErika,heshiftedbacktome.“Andyou,youbastard,
that’showyoutreatalady?”

Iclearedhisthroat,contemplatingaresponse.Ididn’twanttoinsultthegirl,especiallysinceI

couldstillfeeltheremnantsofherlipsglidingupanddownmypiece.AsmuchasIfoundithardto
remaincalmandjustreasonthroughthings,especiallyafterlookingatthedamagethebastardhad
donetotheCamaro.SureIhadhisgirl,orex-girlorwhateverthehell,butitwasaconsensualthing
betweenadults.“Ididn’tforcemyselfonher.Shegaveitupwillingly.”

ThistimeImiscalculatedTony’sattemptatajabtothegut,andIdoubledover.
“Getup,asshole,”Tonytouted,pacingsidewayswhileejectingairwitheachbreath.Hegrunted

andgriped,believingthathewasthatimportant,thatthreatening.Tonyfelthisstrength,likeawrestler
atthetopofhisgame.

Ihadn’tbeenpreparedforafight,butknewIneededtoattackthisheadonandsettleitforgood.

TheonlyproblemwasthatIwasn’tabadboylikethisguy.Thepunkwaswalkingaroundwithashort
guy’scomplex.Hadn’tbeen“bad”likethatinquitesometime.Notanymore.Itjustdidn’tseemlike
anyoneelsehadgottenthememo.

Standingstraight,Iunfastenedtwomorebuttonsofmyshirt.IthenmovedswiftlyintoTony’s

space.Butdidn’tstopthere.Myopponentdrewhisfistsbehindhishead,aimingformyjaw.That’sall
themidgetbastardcouldmanage,sinceIdwarfedhim.Ihadtogivepropswhereitwasdue.Tonyhad
landedsomepunches,andforotheropponentstheguymight’vebeenapotentialthreat.Takinga
quicksecondtoexhaleallapprehension,Igrewtiredofplayingaround.

Beingonetothinkahead,Ideflectedablowbyreachingintheoppositedirection.Myinches

providedaslightadvantage,plusthefactthatIwasthinner.Notskinny,justmoreslenderandableto
manipulatethesettingbetterthanthisguy.AndbeforeIknewit,Imanagedtosidestepthebastard’s
charge.IslammedanelbowintotheupperportionofTony’sback,justbelowtheneckandinthe
middleoftheshoulderbone.Everyinchofmuscle,alongwithmy200-poundframe,wentintothe
assault.Tonydidn’tjuststumble,heflewintoanearbytruckthathadbeenparkedacrossfromthe
Camaro.Hewasinstantlywinded,coughingandgaspingforair.

Erikascreamedbeforeracingintheoppositedirection,onlytocowerbehindanothervehicle.

Thenoutofnowhereanotherguyappeared,aboutequalsizeandlength,racinglikeabull.Thisguy’s
bootscreatedloudthudsashepoundedtheparkinglotpavement.Theentiresprintconsistedofhim
trashtalking,eventhoughhecouldn’tfinishafullsentence.Ihadalreadyassessedoneopponentand
wasn’tmentallypreparedforanother.Notyet.

Thenewguy’sbrick-likebodydrewdownonme.Ratherthantrytoshutdownthebum’seffect,he

stooddirectlyinthepath,bracingfortheinevitable.Hebulldozedintome.Wecrashedintoanearby
sportscar.ButIquicklyleaptupfromunderthebearishgrip.Fromthecornerofmyeyes,Icouldsee
Tony’sattempttobumrush.Catchingtheovereagerbastardoffguard,IwaitedtothepointwhereI
wasbutafewfootstepsaway.NotonlydidIhavetheadvantageofheight,Icarriedaknackfor
cruelty.PerhapssomethingI’dburiedalongwiththememoriesofmytroubledchildhood.

Thesecondman’sshadowblanketedthespace,sotherewasnodiscretion.Isensedhimnearing

andswungaround,crushingdownwithasolidjabtothefiend.“Knowwhoyou’refuckingwith!”I
screamedoutasmyfistlandedinthebastard’sjaw.

Thoughbreathlessandscattered,neitherofthemengaveup.
“There’stwoofus,asshole.”
“We’regonnamurderyourass!”
Iwasn’tonetobethrownbyidlethreats.Therewasapointinlife,whenI’dbarelyreachedmy

teenagedyears,whenI’dobservedstreetbrawlsandneardeathbattles.Hell,I’ddonemypartat
screwingthingsup.ForatimeIwantednothingmorethantobecaughtupinthislifestyle.Butthat
wasinthepast.Moreover,mybreak-outyearshadprovidedjustenoughknowledge,justenough
bravery.Ithelpedshapethecruelty.ButIeventuallycametoliveanormallifeonceagain.
Unfortunately,however,fromtimetotime,theguythathadbeenleftbehindneededtoreappearwhen
noonegaveashitaboutrespect,makingadecentliving,anddoingwhatwasright.

Fromonetotheother,Iunleashedanonslaughtoffuryontothemen.Beyondthejabs,kicksand

evenfullonbodyslams,IforgotaboutthecalmmanI’dcreated.Instead,Ifoundmyselfsneaking
backintothedarkpast,revisitingthebeastofacagedman.ThoughI’drelocatedtolower,slower
Delaware,mymindrevertedtodesperatemeasuresinthefightformylife.Iblackedout.

~

Knox

~

Iattemptedtoshiftloosebyrollingfromonesidetothenextastheyfoughttosecuremeonthe
ground.Thepolicemenwerelikeflies,withtheexceptionoftheirgunsandsticks.“Whatthehellare
youdoing?”Iasked,consideringthatthewordswerehuskiersincemychestshovedontothe
concrete.Eachofthecopshadtakenaregionofmybody.Theydidn’tappeartobetooconcerned
withcausingascene,eventhoughthetwothugswereallowedtositonthegroundandhavea
conversationwithlawenforcement.Andthey’weren’tevensitting.Theywerepressedagainstvarious
tires;slouchedtobeexactly.Facesthatwereoncetoughandmanipulativewerenowsoakedinblood.
Swolleneyes,nosebridgeslumpedup,andGodknowswhatotherunseendamageexisted.

AsErikapreparedtogiveastatement,shelookedonwithaglossygazeasthecopscuffedand

movedmeofftheothermen.Nextthemedicstriedtodressthescratchesshe’dsustainedfromthe
shatteredglass.Iwatchedherfromthecornersofmyeyes,suddenlywonderingifshehadbeen
passingjudgment.RealitysankbackinasIturnedawaytocatchaglimpseofTony.Oureyes
connected.ButErikawastherootofthisdrama.Thejackasshadmadeafoolofhimself,forthesake
ofachickthatdidn’twanthim.Now,shewouldn’ttakehereyesoffme.Shepulledtome,asmuchas
thecopswouldallow.Tonywasshredded,yetshepitiedme.

“Dudeslaughteredthem,”oneofthecopscommentedtohisbuddyastheysecuredmeintheback

seatofthecruiser.Bythetimethey’darrived,theonlywaytosettlemedownhadbeenwithaTaser.

“Sir...sir,we’regonnaneedyoutocooperatewithus,otherwisewe’llbeforcedtouseeven

greaterforce,”oneoftheofficerswithasqueakyvoicehadwarned.

Inowrememberedthefight,theirattacks...MyowndefensebeforeI’dblackedout.Butthatmuch

damage?MymindranonRory.Thiswasthetypeofexcitementthathethrivedoff,soquitelike
himself,hecouldeasilyhavetakenthemon.

“Theycameatus...Knoxdidwhathehadtodotodefendme,”Erikashoutedatthecops.
“Doweneedtotakeyouintoo,ma’am?”Oneoftheofficersstooddirectlyinfrontofher.His

elbowsstuckoutashisfingersslidthroughthebeltloops.

“I’mnotcausinganyproblems,it’sjustthathedidn’tstartthis.Thatone—”shepausedtospread

herlefthandforTony,thencontinuedon“—knockedinthesideofhiscar.Imeanlookatwhathe
madehappentome.”

“Sowhat’shetoyou?”
Erikaclosedhereyes;squeezedthemtightlybeforebitingattheinsideportionofherlips.I

watchedandlistenedwithlittleconnection.Shewasn’tmyconcernbeyondwhathadtakenplace.Can’t
saythatIwasn’tcurious.Hell,anyguywouldbe.

“He’smyex,”Erikaconfessed.Ifelttheheavinessofherstare.
“Allthisisoveryou.SomaybeIneedtotakeyouin...”
“Formovingonwithmylife?”ErikachosejustthentostepclosertowhereIhadbeenseatedon

theconcreteground.Shehadtakenoffhershoes,andkeptyankingatdifferentspotsofclothingto
shieldherself.Thebloodhadalreadydriedup,thoughthemarksstillstoodout.

Iforcedhimselftotuneouttheuselessbackandforthbetweenthetwo.Therewasnosensein

arguingwithlawenforcement.Theyweregonnadowhateverthehelltheyfeltwasneededtobedone,
whetheryou,asanormalcitizen,agreedwiththeirdecisionsornot.SoIreadiedmymindtobetaken

inbytheseguys.

~

Knox

~

RorywaswaitingwhenIexitedthestationearlythenextmorning.Hewasstilldressedinthesame
clothesfromthenightbefore—khakisandacottonbutton-downthathadbeenrolledupatthesleeves.
TherewasahintofasmirkextendingfromRory’slipsashiseyesglistened.Thedaywashot,as
usualformidsummer.Thesunwasruthless,asitshould’vebeen.Rorysquintedatme,thenextended
hisarms.Abouttwosecondslater,heflexedhisarmsbackdownbeforelettingthemhangathissides.

“Let’sgo,”IslappedmypalmstogetherbeforeaddressingRory,andwithoutmakingfurthereye

contact.Afterhavingspentmorethansixhoursatthestation,Iwasreadytonotonlygetthehellaway
fromthere,IwaslongingfortheseclusionofDelaware.I’dthoughtaboutKasha,andwhetherornot
she’deverknowaboutwhathadtakenplace.HowcouldIjustifygivingherahalf-assedstory?To
mentionthefightwouldopenthedoorforquestionsaboutwhathadledtothefight.

Itookoffwalkingandmullingoverthethoughts.AlthoughRoryhadbeenshootingquestions

nonstop,oursurroundingshadbeentooloudforanytoregisteruntilhegotcloser.Revisitinglast
nightwasthelastthingonmymind.

“It’slikethat?”Rorycalledoutabovethecrowd,thoughhe’dfallenintostridewithme.
Ishrugged.
Fromthatwepacedoninsilence.Outsideinthecrispsummerair,onecouldn’thelpbut

contemplatethoselessdramaticstagesoflife—theoneswherethebullshitfadedaway.

“Seriously,Knox,whathappened?”Justthatquickly,Roryyankedmefromapeacefulplace.
“Withwhat?”
“Don’tbeadick.What’supwiththat?ThehellyouthinkI’mtalkingabout,bro?Theyjustletyou

go,justlikethat,”hecontinued,snappingfingers.“Hearittold,youpulverizedthosebastards.”

Ishruggedlikebefore.Aseriesofunspokenwordsdangledbetweenus.NodoubtRorywasthere.

Right.There.With.Me.

“Youscreweduponyourown.Don’tgetpissedoffwithme.”
“Don’t,”Ishoutedout.Myeyesremainedstraightahead,whileIcontinuedalongwithwidestrides.

Severalotherwalkersavoidedmeasotherspausedinanticipation.NotonlyhadIclaimedattention
withmywords,thesunembracedme.IwassodamnpissedthatIdidn’tknowhowtocontrolmyself.
Thisshitwasn’tsupposedtohappentome.Rorymaybe,butnotme.NowhereIwas,bymyown
doing,atthecenterofdrama.Eachsecondonlymultiplied.Ibecamethecenteroflife,theheartbeat
forall.ThesimplewordI’dshotcarriedalevelofpainthatonlyRory,BashandIcouldunderstand.

Foronce,Rorydidn’tpressureme.Withtheexceptionofabriefnod,Roryfellinlinebehindme.

Knoxknewthathe’dgethellfortheoutburst,butRoryknewbetterthantotesthim,especiallywith
havingjustcomeoutoftheprecinct.

“Where’smyCamaro?”Iasked,picturingthejacked-upwindowswithglasslaidallinsideofmy

ride.

“Theyweregonnaputitinthepound,butIgotRhystotakeit.”
Iwaitedformorebecausesurely,Rorywouldn’thavesomerandomguyupandtakeoffwithmy

car,right?WhenIdidn’thearanythingmore,Istoppedwalking.“WhothehellisRhys?”

“He’sgoodpeople.HisfatherownsabusinessinManhattan—”
“Andwhyinthehelldoeshehavemyride?”
“Oh,seriously,wereyouplanningtodrivebacktoDelawarewithabusted-upride?I’msorry,

forgivemeforlookingout.”Heshovedatmyshoulder.

“Ifthisguyissomeoneimportant,thenhow’dheendupwithyouforafriend?”Iscratchedatthe

sideofmyhead.Myfriendshipshadpurpose.Icouldn’tthinkofanyoneIassociatedwithwhowere
simplynotgoodforadamnthing.

“So,thisgirl?”
“Awman—”
“Isawyoustepoutofthebarwithabroad.NextthingIhearyou’rekickingsomeguy’sass—

actuallytwo.Dudescomeatyoufortworeason:theirmoneyandtheirchick.”

“Igotlockedupoverthis.Andthatdamngirl.”
“Youhitit?”
“I’mnotyou,”Iteased.
“You’redamnright,anddon’teverforgetit.”Rorytapsmyshoulder.“Whydidn’tyouletme

knowwhatwasgoingon?Theynearlytrashedyourride.”

“Man,Idon’twannahearanythingelseaboutthat.ButthisRhys,whatkindofbusinessareyouin,

Rory?”SometimesIhadtowonderifhehonestlythoughtthingsthrough.

“I’mintothebusinessofsecuringmyfuture.Mydadhadeverythingintheworld,butlostitlike

that.”Hesnappedtwofingerstogether.

Iwalkedoff,pressingbothpalmsontopofmyhead.AfterseveralsecondsIwalkedbackand

continued,“Damnman,howoldareyouanyway?Whendoesthebullshitend?”

“Lookman,Idon’tneedtoexplainmyselftoyouofallpeople.Nobodysaidhey,let’sgiveRorya

chanceatabetterlifesohedoesn’thavetostumbleuponitthewaywedid.Nope.I’vehadtodowhat
Ineededtosurvive.”

“I’monlysaying—”
“Hellno,youdon’tgetthechancetopassjudgmentonme.Yourassisapartofthistoo,Knox.

Themoney,thatshitwon’tlast,notdirtymoney.Someofusstillgottafightanddosomegrimyshit
tosurvive.”

“I’mnottryingtojudge—”
“Thendon’t,becausemyjudgmentisyourstoo!”NowitwasRory’sturntowalkoff.Hisboots

crashedontotheconcretestairway.Hemovedthroughthecrowdsinbeast-likeresolve,dodging
professionalmenandwomen.

Inhotpursuit,IeventuallycaughtupasRoryreachedtheothersidewalk.“Fine!Idon’tmeanto

judgeyou.C’mon,let’stalk.Youcantellmeaboutthiswholebusiness.”Thoughitwasn’twhatI
wanted,Rorywaspracticallymybrother.Ifthereweredealingsthatcouldpotentiallyaffecthim,we
neededtohavethisdiscussion.

Rory’sbrowssmoothedout,movingfromcrinklestoamorenormalpattern.Henodded.
Acoupleblocksup,wefoundasmalldinerandorderedcheesesteaks,friesandnaturaljuices.

Rorywasadamantabouthavingtheseatfacingthedoor.“NeverknowwhenI’llrunintosomeoneI
know.”

“Idon’tknowhowyouknowhalfthepeopleyoudo.”Whichwasanaccurateobservationonmy

part.

Roryballedupafewnapkins,aimedandfailedtoconnectwithhistarget.Thenapkinslandedjust

shortofmynose.“Otherthanthemoneyyouputtowardthehouses,whathaveyoudonewithyour
portion?”Thiswasthesecondtimehe’dmentionedthemoneytoday.Iblewitoffthelasttime,buthe
seemedabittoocomplacentnow.

Ileanedinandutteredinalowtone,“Now.We’rediscussingthatnow...here...inpublic?”

“Whynot?Bashhangsaroundmostofthetime,oroneoftheotherguysarewithinearshot.”After

onlytakingasinglebite,Roryhelduphishandwhilefinishingoffhismouthful.Hethentookaswish
ofjuiceandstartedbackup,“Wefoundthatmoneymorethanfiveyearsago—”

“Found?That’swhatwe’recallingitnow?”
“Found.Stole.Wait,wouldyoupreferborrowed?”Rory’shandshotupintheair.Thiswastypical

forhim.Hehadthispersonaofinvincibility.Fineforhim,butIknewbetter.

“I’mdonewiththistopic.”
“Whatever,man!There’slikethreepeopleinhere.”
“AndIknowyouknowbetter.”
Rorynoddedbeforepickingupthebreadandthrustingitintohismouth.Hechompedonthe

sandwich.Ihadtolookawaytokeepfromthrowingup.Thiswholedoomandgloomfeelingcame
overme.NotadaywentbywhereIdidn’tthinkaboutthemoney.ButI’dbrushthethoughtoutevery
time.Ihadmultipliedmyportion.Therewasagoodenoughsumbuildinginstocksandalltoo.We
hadn’tmadethemoneydirty,weonlytookwhatwasn’tmeanttobeours.

“Chillout,Knox.”Roryshovedchipsbetweenhislips.“Thisismyfirstmealfortheday.”He

moaned.“You’renotgonnaeatyoursandwich?”

“Dude,whydowomengocrazyoveryourdisgustingass?”Iasked.
“Don’thateonme,bro.Ihaven’teatenmuch,worryingaboutyourpunkbehindinjail.”
Wesnortedout,drawingattentionfromayoungcouplethatjustwalkedintothediner,followedby

threemeninbusinesssuits.Themenonlystaredforabouttwoseconds,butthewomen...several
femalesgawkedatus.Rorykickedmyshinbeforeusinghischintoshiftfocustoouraudience.

“Excuseme,Knox...”asultry,familiarvoicecalledoutfromthenextboothover.
Islidaroundinmyseattoseeanovereagerreminderofmynight.Ididn’timmediatelyremember

hername,yetthevisualofherbeingsprawledoutonmycarwasenough.

“It’sme...Erika...”shereintroducedherselfasshesteppedaroundthepartitiontostandatthe

edgeofmyseat.I’dseensomuchofherthatthecasualbusinesssuitthrewmeoff.Erika’sthick,
chestnutwaveswerepulledintoatightbun.Evenhermakeupwastame,trulyshowcasinganatural
beauty.

“Youcleanupnicely,”Iteased.I’mnotentirelysurehowIshouldhavefelttowardherrightthen.

Becauseofher,I’dgottenlockedup.“Isyourmanhere?”

“Awwman,c’mon.Tonyismypast.”Erika’spupilsgrew,herlowerlipstuckoutandherhead

tilted.Evenasimplegray,summerblendskirtsuitcouldn’tbreakheroutofseductressmode.“CanI
joinyou?”sheadded,onlythenseeingRory.“Ohhey.”

“Areyoustalkingmyboyhere?”Roryasked,lickinghisfingertipsindividually.
“Anyways,canIjoinyou?”Erikabypassed.Ratherthanwaitforaninvitation,sheslidintothe

blood-redseatnexttome.

“Irememberyou,”Rorycontinued.Hewasn’tthetypetoletsomeone’sdiscomfortgetintheway

ofhimbeinganasshole.

“Um,yeah,fromlastnight.Ithoughtwealreadyconfirmedthat.”Erika’spupilsdartedbetween

Roryandme.IcouldhaveswornIsawsweatdropsatthetipofhernose.

“No,youwereatthatotherspotacouplemonthsago.”Rorysnappedhisfingers.“Remember,

Knox,thechickthatspilledbeeronyou.”

Istudiedhim,thendraggedmyfocusovertoher.
Shepoutedmorethanbefore.Afterlooseningastrandofhairclosetohercrown,shetwirledit

betweentwofingers.“Irecognizedyoulastnight.”

“Sowhydidn’tyousaysomething?”
“Agirlcan’tactshy?”Herbreastseasedclosetomychest.Shedidasloppyjoboftryingtobe

slick.YetIdon’tthinkshecared.“Gotsometimeforme?”

Iwasn’tsureaboutheratthispoint,whetheritwasherbeingunderhandedorjustinterested.“What

areyourplansforlater?”Ireplied,wantingtoseehervulnerableoncemore.

“Myplansforlaterare...”Erikamassagedmyforearmwhilekneelingintheseat.Sheswooped

inclosetomyearandwhisperedatwenty-secondtale,remindingmeofwhatshecouldfinishfrom
whenwewereinthecar.Oncedone,herlipsjustbarelybrushedagainstthesideofmyface.“Here’s
mycard.Mypersonalcellnumberisontheback.Yourmove.I’llbewaiting.”Shestrolledoff.

Herheelsclickedonthefauxtilefloor.Thedoorpulled,chimesclinkinginresponse.Iknewshe’d

walkedout,althoughmyfacewasn’tinview.IstuckErika’scardintomypocket.Althoughtherewas
noreasonto,mymindflashedonKasha.ErikawasnoKasha,butatleastsheshowedinterestinbeing
morethanjustafriend.

~

Erika’splacewasn’tfarfromArthurAvenueinTheBronx.WithmyCamarooutofcommission,I
hoppedayellowtaxi.IleftRoryatthehotelwehadtorentfortheweekend;hewasindeepdiscussion
withtheoddball,Rhys.Bashhaddisappeared.Wefiguredhemust’vehookedupwithsomechick.He
alwayshadsomeunderhandedhookup.Nooneeverknewwhohewasbanging,notsomuchasa
glance.You’dthinkwehadn’tknowneachotherforallthistime.

Asthecabrolleduptothecurb,Isearchedouttheaddress,paidthecabbie,slammedthedoorshut,

andheadedupErika’sstairs.BeforeIcouldknock,sheflungitopen.

“Eagermuch?”Iteased.Sheescortedmeintothehouse.Theairwascrispandfresh,whilethe

designandlayoutwereopen,inviting.Therewasn’tawholelotoffurnituretoclutteruptherooms;
andoakfloorsandbrightgoldenfixturesmadetheplacepop.

“Idon’tentertainmuch—”Erikastartedbystretchingouttheexplanation.
“So,afewhoursago,Imetanincrediblysexualhottie.Twoconsentingadults,bothhornyashell

wereunabletofindtheirwayinsideofaCamaro.Absolutelynothingwaswrongwiththecar,well,
notwhentheyfirstgotthere.”Iletmyintroductionsinkin.Erika’schestquiveredupanddown.We
crossedtheotherendtothefoyerleadingupashorthallwayandpastastunningdiningroom.Don’t
getmewrong.Theplacewasjustright.Andforsomeonewhorenovatedhomesforaliving,I
could’veadmireditalldamnday.ButIdidn’tcaretoprolongtheinevitable.

Erikaclearedherthroat,andencouragedmetocontinuebybobbingherhead.
“Well,thismanandwomanpracticallyattackedoneanother.Canyoubelieveit,rightthereinan

open—secluded,butstillopen—parkinglot?Dudegothandedeverythingamancouldwant.Hestill
can’tshaketheimageofthewoman’sbusinessspreadacrosshishood.”

Ituckedmyfingersbeneathathick,redlacedmini.Itcrumbledfromthetopandwould’vehitthe

floor,wereitnotforErika’swidehipsandampleass.Astheclotheslingered,clingingwithpurpose,
Ispreadmyfingerswide.Igrippedthosesamehips,theonesthatwomenwhocravedthatidealCoca
Colashapewouldkillfor.Myhandswerewideenoughtospanaroundhersidesandreachherrump.I
pushedtheredmaterialdownfurther;Erikacooedinresponse.

Iduckedbackwards,takingtwostepsaway.ImarkedwhatImight’vemissedthelasttimewewere

together,andslowlypacedaroundhersweetness.Myhandstouched,slappedandpalmedasIsawfit
alongthejourney.

“Thatmanofyours—”
“Ex-man,”Erikacorrected,whilemaintainingherstintontheimaginarychoppingblock.

“Whateveryouchoosetocallit.Backtomystory,myobservation.Onthatnight,youtriedto

convincemeofhowinnocentyouwere,muchlikehowyou’retalkingaboutnotentertaininginyour
home.”

“Knox,”Erikabegan,bendinglowtorecoverthedressI’dfinallyinchedtothehardwoodfloor.
“Don’tgetshynow,sexy.Standbackup,justthewayyouwere,”Icommanded.
Shehesitatedforaboutaseconduntilshewasabletostraightenup.Sheproceededtopleadher

case,“NeversaidIwasinnocent.”Hereyelashesflutteredquickerthanwhatwouldbeconsideredas
reasonablynormal.

“Yeah,youneverusedtheword,butyou’retryingtoconvincemeofyourvirtue.CanIbehonest

withyou?”Iwatchedasherheaddipped.Thickstrandsofhaircascadeddown.Iwouldnevershame
her,soIcapturedherchin.“It’syourbody.Aslongasyoutakecareofyourself,don’tfeelcompelled
tojustifywhatyoudesire.Youwannagiveupyoursweetness?”Iranmyhanddownbelow,usingmy
fingerstopartthoselipsandslideinward.Imassagedtheflesh,roundandround.Yetmyfingersonly
teasedherwalls,neveroncebreakingthroughtogetfullymoistened.“Doyouwanttogiveupyour
body?”

“Ahhh!”Erikacriedout.Herlegsnearlycollapsedasshepumpedherheadupanddown.
“Don’tnod,respond.Letmehearyou,”Iordered.
“Y-y-yes,”shefadedout,barelyabletocompletethesentence.Itwasn’tthatherstrengthsuddenly

diminished,no.I’masemi-genius,amastermindwiththefemaleanatomy.Asshepeaked,Islippeda
fingerinside.Iallowedmyinstinctstoguidemetoherspot.Erika’searth-shatteringyessswasinfact
arelease.

Shefellapartattheseams,collapsingevenbeforethefirstroundofjuicesstoppedsquirting.ButI

wastheretorescueher.Ipickedupherweary,still-nakedbody.Shehuggedthedresstoher
midsection.Herfingerscontracted,showingherveins.Nowpossessingboththewomanandher
clothing,Istompedthroughthehouse.Onceupstairs,Erikapointedtoherroom.Ienteredandplaced
heronthebedwiththesluttyreddress.

“Ineedashower.Beenalongday.”Yeah,Ihadn’twashedoffthestenchfromthefightorjail.
Erikapouted,andthennibbledonherbottomlip.
Kasha’slips.Damn,howcouldsomethingwithinreachbesodifficult?
“Knox,Ineedyou.”
I’mthinkingaboutanothergirlthatdoesn’tgiveashitaboutme.If,nowthat’sabigdamnif,

Kashawantedme,shewould’vemadeitknown.

“Areyouinahurry?Seriously,”IteasebecauseifIdon’tforcemyselftomoveon,I’llendup

stressingoveroneofthemostamazinggirlsImightneverhave—Kasha.

WhenErikadidn’tanswer,Istrippedandsearchedoutthebathroom.Iwasonlygoneforabout

fiveminuteswhentheshowercurtainflippedopen.Shesteppedinwithoutsayingaword.Imade
room.Sheeasedontoherkneesoneatatime.Herhandslayflatonmychestandslidlowerasshe
capturedmygrowingerectionbetweenwidelips.Herfingersdugintomysides,especiallywhenshe
guidedmythrustsinsidehermouth.Thedeepershetookmein,thetighterherclaws.

Ileanedmyupperbodytothetiledwalls.Itwasatightenoughspacetorelaxthisway,thoughshe

keptmylowerbodyactive.Myhandswenttotheshowertoturnitoff.Erikawasdeterminedtodrain
thelifeoutofme,soevenwiththewaterprobablystiflingher,shewouldn’tletup.Whatmancouldn’t
getusedtothistypeoftreatmentonaregularbasis?NotnecessarilyfromErika,butdaily.Forher
part,she’ddoneanexcellentjobofpleadinghercaseandtryingtolandamajorspotinmylife.

~

Knox

~

Islowlyliftedmyeyeandadjustedmybreathing.Forasecond,Ineededtorethinkandgetintouch
withmysurroundings.Theroomwasfilledwithalighterscentanddelicatefragrance.

Erika...ErikaFrickin’Alexander.
Shewasonebadchick,andinagoodwaytoo.WhileIlaydiagonallyontheblacksheetsofher

kingsizedbed,Iturnedmyheadfromonesidetothenext.Asanafterthought,Ipeepeddownbelow.
Erika’shairpeeredout,scatteredandincompletedisarraylikeshe’dbeenhandedsomethingfierce
theentirenight.Myfleshflexedatthemerethoughtofwhattookplace.

“Areyouready?”hermuffledvoicetrailedfrombeneaththesheets.
“Damn,it’slikethat?”Ididn’tmind,thoughabreakwasneeded.We’dcarriedonallnightandinto

theearlymorninghours.“It’sfive-fifteen.”

“Noworktoday.Itookasickday,”sheproudlyrepliedasherheaddisappearedunderthesheet.“I

calledinassoonasIgotoffthephonewithyouyesterday.”

“You’reabadbitch,”Iofferedasacompliment.Ihopedshedidn’tmindthename,butthat’showI

felt.Thiswasfun,andthosewordsreflectedhowIsawthistypeoffun.ButifitwasKasha,wouldit
bethesame?

“Speakingofphone,Ineedmine.”HowcouldIconvincemyselfthishadnothingtodowithher?

Everypause,everythoughtwouldn’tseparateitselffromher.

“What,youhavetocheckinwithyourgirl?”Erika’swordsbroughtmeawayfromajourneyI

neededtoavoid.Sheeaseduptolieagainstthesideofmychest.

“Nogirl,”Ibegan.Butaftermywordsappearedtolingerunclaimed,Iadded,“Notinterestedina

relationship.”

“Meneither,”Erikatriedtoconvincemeandsaveface.Shequicklygavemeherback.Butthe

shakinessinherwordsdidlittletomakemebelievethatIhadn’tjusthurtherfeelings.SureIenjoyed
her,butthiswasonlysex.Nothingmore.Incrediblesex,thoughnothingtobuildarelationshipon.

WouldIrevisit?
Hellyeah!
That’sallIcouldpromise.
“Mycarneedswork.Youremembertheguyyousawmewithyesterday?”
“Yeah.”
“He’shavingsomemechanicdoarushjobontheglass.Tellyouwhat,letmecheckthings,then

I’llgiveyoubreakfast,”Ipromised,thenstoodupandsmackedherbareass.

Sheyelped,thenmumbled.
Thephonewasburiedunderneathmyclothesandaboatloadofdecorativepillows.Thescreenlit

upwithasingletextandasinglemissedcall.BothfromRory.Mybatteryflashedawarningat5
percent.

“YouhaveaniPhone?”
“Plugitinoverhere.”Shedirectedmetoanearbycordthatranacrossanendtable.
Thetextmessageread:
Knox
Ihatedwhenpeopledidthat.Therewasnoneedtowaitforareply,it’satext!Nonetheless,I

deletedthetextandlistenedtothevoicemail:

“You’regonnabepissed...”
Igrabbedmypantsandyankedthemupinonequickmove.Nofurtherdetailsinthebullshit

voicemail,andforgetaboutthetext.

“Igottago.Ididn’tbringmycar.Shit,myride.Canyouatleastgetmetothenearestsubwayora

cab?”Isetdownthephonetoallowabitmorecharging,enteredthebathroomandgotreadytoleave
outfiveminuteslater.Thephonegotupto10percent,whichhadtodo.BeforeIunplugged,Itried
Rory’sline.Nosurprise,itwentstraighttovoicemail.

“Shit!”
IturnedtoseeErikastillspreadnakedasbefore.“Whatthefuck?CanIgetaride?”Herpupils

grewwideandglassedover.Hermouthturneddownward.“Don’tgetcaughtupinyourfeelings,
Erika.I’llbeback.”Thoughshedidn’tdobackflipsoranythinglikethat,sheperkedupalittle.

Shedrovemetoareasonablelocationinordertocatchacab.Itwasearlyandcold,andIwas

beyondannoyed.

Myphonebuzzedaboutamileandahalfawayfromthehotel.“Yeah?”
“Knox,whatthehell?”anasallymalevoicespedoffontheline.“It’sBash.”
“Bash,whosephoneisthis?”
“Oneoftheguys.”
“Where’sRory?”
“Dude,howthehellamIsupposedtoknow?”Bash’svoicedeepened.
“Whythehellareyoucallingmethen?”Annoyedwasn’ttherightworld.Neitherwaspissed.This

wasafrickin’wasteofmytime.That,alongwiththefactthatmycellwassettinguptogodeadagain
mademeedgy.Ratherthanhavehimpushmefurtherintoinsanity,Iflickedthelineoff.Ishovedthe
drivermorethantherateandexitedontothesidewalk.

StandingatthefrontofthebuildingIspottedRoryinaheatedconversationwithoneoftheguards.

IshiftedtoasteadypacesinceI’dliterallystartedformingfistsatmyside.Thiswasthetypeofoverly
dramaticcrapIcouldn’tdealwith.Seriously,iftherewasanissue,thenwhyinthehellwasheout
herelikethis?

Hemust’vesensedmerightbeforeIreachedhim.“Yourphonewas—”
“Don’tstart!”Idrewtheattentionofeveryonewithinearshot.Idippedmyvoiceafterhearing

gasps.“Youandthosedamnmessages.Ifyourassisgonnasendatext,doitright.Ifyou’regonna
leaveamessage,getitright.”

“Lookman,Ineedanotherphone.YouhavenoideawhatIwentthroughlastnight.”
“SowhatamIsupposedtobepissedabout?”

~

IfIknewmyweekendmight’veblownoutofcontrollikethis,Iwould’vekeptmyassinDelaware.
Perhapstheonlygoodthingsaboutcomingtothecitywerethedrinksandthepre-fightevent.
Everythingblewupinmyface,andnowthis.

Mypoorridehadnotonlybeensmashedupfromthebeating,butalsohadskidmarksallacross

thebodywork.Totopitoff,thehoodhadbeencavedinaswell.

“I’mgonnawakeupinDelawareanyminutenow,right?”Iasked.
Roryleanedonthehoodofthecarlikethedamnthingcouldtaketheabuse.Iwasstunnedbecause

howwasitpossibleformyCamarotohavebeenoutinthefirstplace,sinceitshould’vebeengetting
workedon?

“I’veneverseenanythinglikethis,”Rorymouthed.
“Yes,youhave,”Iremindedhim.We’dseenthisandworse.Theonlydifferencewasthatitwasn’t

ourpropertyatthetime,andwedidn’tstandtoloseoutinquitethesameway.

“Washedrunk?ThisdudeRhys,whereishe?”Iscannedthepound.OtherthanRory,theworker

andmaybetwootherpeople,Ididn’tseethebastard.

“Hegotoutbeforeitspunoutofcontrol.”Rorystretchedtotheotherside.Heshookthebeaten

downmetalwithease.“Ifhedidn’tpushoutthischickandgethimselfoutofthere,theywould’ve
beenburied.”

“Youknowwhat,attheriskofsoundinglikeadick,whatthehellwashedoingwithmyride?”
Rorystoodstill.Histemplespulsed.“I’llbeinthecab.Meter ’srunning.”Hestartedwalkingoff,

butstoppedafterreachingonlyafewfeet.“You’vegoteveryrighttobepissedoverthedamncar,but
we’retalkingaboutalife.Igetthathemight’vedonesomethingwrong,butdon’tdiscountsomeone’s
lifethatway.”Hemovedoutfromthelot.

Iwaited.Hiswordspermeated.I’lladmithehadapoint,butIstillhadarighttobeangry.Ineeded

someonetounderstandmyfrustrationswithoutmegettingcondemned.Onepersonalwaysmademe
feellikesomuchmore.

“Kash.”
“Hey!”Thatvoice,theonecapableofchangingallthingscrappytohope.
“Ineededyou.”
“Poorbaby.”Shegiggledoutthewords.Kashaknewhowmuchhedespisedthosenicknames,but

comingfromherIcouldn’tbeupset.

“MyCamaroisruined.”
“Noway,Knox!Whathappened?Areyoualright?”Herwordsbecameshaky.Idamnnearsawthe

floodedlookofconcerninhereyes,andsensedherbottomlipbeingsuckedintohermouth.“Idon’t
knowwhatI’ddoifanythinghappenedtoyou.”

“I-I’mokay,”Itriedtosoundconvincing.Stilltakinginthesorry-assremainsofmyride,Ididn’t

feelokay.

“Sotellmewhathappened.Idon’tthinkmyheartcanhandlethesuspense.”
WhereamIsupposedtostart?
Justthentheotherlinebeeped.ItwasErika.
“Kash,Igottatakethiscall.”
“What?What’sgoingon?”
“I’llexplain.Besides,myphoneisgonnadieanysecondnow.”
Thebreakwouldgivemeanopportunitytothinkupareasonforallthis.Sure,Icould’vestayed

onthephonewithKasha,butmystorywould’vebeenmadeup.Moreover,eveninourfriendship,our
connectionwasstrongenoughtolethersensebullshit.

“Why’dyoucallmenow,then?”
“Sorry,Kash,Igottago.”
“Thendon’tbothercallingmeback.”Shehungup.
Ididn’treachouttoErikarightaway,sincetheotherlinehadstoppedandmyphonedied.Wemet

upwiththeworkersandBash,andIwaitedabouttwohoursbeforeredialing.BythenIwassetwitha
chargedcell.

“Ohmygosh,Knox!”Erikashriekedintothephone.“He’shere.”
Roryhadn’tspokentomemorethantogrunt.BashwashisusualoddballselfandIhadn’thadany

realsleepinmorethanaday.Iwasoverwhelmed,overthenonsense,andreadytoleaveoutofthe
city.InsteadofcarryingontheconversationwithErikainfrontoftheguys,sinceIwasinearshot,I
hurriedoutoftheabandonedhouse.

“Who?”
“Tony!”She’sfrantic.Hercriesgrabandshakeme.“Idon’tknowwhattodo.”
“Whereishe?”
“Downstairs,searchingforyou.”
“Me?Whatthehellkindarelationshipdoyouhavewiththisguy?”
“Youdon’tunderstand.I’veneverbeenscaredofhim.Hehasn’tputhishandsonme,ever.Andno,

I’mnotoneofthosewomenthatbelieveintakingabeatingandkeepingquietaboutit.Notinto
abuse!”

“Didyoucallthepolice?”MybloodboiledforthebastardIwasreadytopulverizealloveragain.
“Knox,hetriedtochokeme.Please,Idon’tneedthepolice,Ineedyou...”
“Youbrokemyheart!”IhearTony’shuskycryinthebackground,soundinglikeagrown-ass

baby.

“We’renottogetheranymore.”
“Butwewere,beforeyouscrewedupmyworld.Eightyears,Erika.Howdoyouwalkawayfrom

eightyears?”

Thud!Thud!
“Hello?”Iinquired.Erikawasn’tontheline.Iheardwrestling,evenmuffledpleasforhelp.

“Erika?”

Nothing.
Itwasn’tenoughthatthisfoolhadgottenhisasskicked,hewasouttohurther.
Istartedcalling9-1-1,butErika’snumberpoppedup.
“Pleasehelpme,Knox,”Iheardbeforeitgottomyears.
“I’llcallthepolice.It’lltakelongerforme—”
“No...No!I-Iknockedhimout.”Betweenthecriesanduncontrollablebreathing,shemanagedto

continue,“Ineedyou,Knox.Nopolice.”

~

Knox

~

Ididn’tsetouttofindsomeone.Ididn’tneedsomeonetotakecareof.AndIsureashelldidn’tneed
someonetotakecareofme.Ididn’tevenneedtoloveorbeloved.YethereIwas,actinginthat
capacity.

Lovewasastrongword.OnthedrivefromFlatbush,inacarI’dborrowedfromaworker,I

couldn’thelpbutwonderifErika’sappearanceinmylifemeantitwastimetosettledownandbe
loved.She’dagreedtonotbeinginterestedinarelationship,butIsawthehoodedexpression.
Whateverthismeant,howeverthismightturnout,Imadeupmymindtogowiththeflow.

Erika’sblockwasn’ttoobusy.Herfrontdoorhadbeenleftslightlyopen.Hercriescarried

throughthehouseasIsteppedlightly.TheonlyweaponIhadorneededweremyfists,soImade
certaintouseeverysinglesensetoguideme.

Acrashingsoundechoedfromupstairs,whiletheceilingvibrated.Thewallsshook,causing

severalpaintingstotilt.Twomorebodyslammingnoises,thencriesfromthesecondfloor.Iwanted
tosayhername,butthatwouldruintheelementofsurprise.

“Knox...”Erika’svoiceseemedstrong,thoughpained.
Iwasn’treadytoreplyyet.Istoodatthebottomofthesteps,gazinguptoasemi-littopfloor.My

heartpoundedsomuchthatmyinnersilencefilledwiththeechoes.Climbingthestairs,shiftingmy
focusup,downandsideways,Iplannedforeverypossibleobstacle.

“Knox,areyouhere?I’minthebedroom.”
Ididn’trespond,butquickenedthepace,fullyshovingopenthedooronceIgotthere.Erikawas

proppeduponherelbows,crawlingforme.Behindher,abarelyconsciousTonyreachedforher
ankle.

“No,”shecriedout,whilehergazerestedonhim.Thenlookinguptome,shepleadedwith

tremblinglips,“Knox,please.”

Istretchedmyfeetandcrasheddownasizetenandahalfbootonhiswristashenearlyreached

her.Don’texactlyknowhowIreachedhimsoquickly,butIthrewpunchafterpunchintohisface.

Hegrunted.Comparedtotheothernight,thisjackassdidnothingtoprotecthimself.Heaccepted

everythingIthrewathim.Afterclosetoahalfdozenfiststohisface,Istoodbacktolookdownon
him.

“Let’sgo,”Erikaencouraged.She’dgottentoherfeet,andnowrestedherfingersonmywaist.
“Gowhere?You’regonnaleavehiminyourhouse?”
“It’snotmine.”
“Whatdoyoumeanit’snotyours?”Iremovedherfingersfrommywaist.Shelookedsodepleted,

leaningforwardandholdinghergutthroughawhitetee.Thecollarhadbeenrippedwide.Shealso
worelooseshortsresemblingrags.

“Whatthehellisgoingon?”
“I’llexplain,butpleasegetmeoutofhere.”
“Andwhat’llhappenwithhim?”Tonywasadefeatedpileofcrapinthemiddleoftheroom.I

neededanexplanationnotonlyfromErika,butTonytoo.Butwouldthatevercome?Icouldn’t
imaginethatajerklikehim,thatbelievedhehadtherighttobeatupawoman,wouldsitdowntohold
amantomanwithme.

“He’llbefine,”Erikapromised,thenwalkedoutfromtheroom.

Istoopedinfrontofhim,grippedhiscollarandforcedhimtolookatme.“Stayawayfromher.

Losehernumber.Forgetsheexists.”

Tonymumbled,“Man—”
“Youdon’tknowme,andbelievemewhenIsayyoudon’twantto.Thatlastass-kickingwasa

warmup.”Ishovedhimwithmybootedfoot.

Erikasatonthetopstairwithalargebag.Shegentlysobbed.WhenIplacedmypalmonher

shoulder,shegrippeditandcriedevenmore.Itbrokemyhearttoseeherbrokenapartlikethis.I
couldn’tleaveorturnheraway.Sheneededmemorethananyonehadinahelluvalongtime.

“Yousavedme.”
“Weneedtogetoutofhere,Erika.”
“Letmegettherestofmythings.”
“Don’tworryaboutthat.”Insayingso,IknewI’djusttakenonanewresponsibility.
“Where’sTony?”
“Samespot.Hewon’teverbotheryouagain.”
“Ishedead?”
“Let’sgo,Erika.”
Sheglancedtotheopendoorway,butmovedforward.Iheldherbag.Sheclutchedontome,but

wasweakandtrembling.SoIscoopedherintomyarms.“Igotyou.”Itfeltoddreferringtosomeone
likethis,especiallyifthatsomeonewasn’tKasha.

Wequicklymoveddownthestairsinpursuitofthefrontdoor.
“Areyouokay?”Iasked,takingherhand.
Shenodded.
Iranmypalmsalongherfaceandforcedherheadup.“Areyouhurt?”
Sheshivered,soIsethertostandonthefloor.Althoughthequestionsloomed,andIwasn’tableto

wrapmymindaroundthis,allofasuddenIwantedher,alongwitheverythingthatentailed.Iswiped
mythumbacrosshercheekseveraltimeswhenIrealizedtearswereflowing.Thisshouldneverhave
happened.Nottoher,ortoanywoman.

“I’mgonnaprotectyoufromhim,oranyassholelikethat.”Themoistureincreased.Shecaved

forward.Iopenedup,“Myfostermotherwaskilledbyherboyfriendonmyeleventhbirthday.Ican't
standbyandwatchanyoneelsegothroughthatkindofpainagain.Damn,Erika!I'veseentoomuch
shitwithassholesusingtheirinfluenceorpoweroverothers.I'vehandledthosesituationsinthepast,
andI'llbedamnsureIdon'tdoitagain.”Ihadn’tthoughtabout,muchlessmadethoseconfessionsout
loudinyears.NoteventoKasha.Butnow,withthissituation,ErikahadtoknowthatIwouldfightfor
her.JustmaybeIwassentheretoprotecther,andbringherintomyworld.Justmaybedestinymeant
forustobetogether.

Isnakedmyarmsaroundherwaisttodrawherintomychest.
“I’msosorry,Knox.Awwman,I’msorry.”
Shit,myeyesstung.Iwouldn’tallowmyselftoshowemotion,though,never.
“Idon’thaveanyone.Iguessyoudon’teither.”Shekissedmylipsthencontinued,“Wecanbe

someonetoeachother.”

Erika’slipspressedtomine.Ikissedherwholeheartedly.Herexpression,thedeepdeclarationI’d

somedayhopedtohearfromKashahadnevercome.Well,notfromthewomanIwanted.Kasha
wasn’tready,butErikawas.AndalthoughIcouldn’tunderstandmytiming,Isuddenlyfeltreadytoo.

“Someone’sboundtocallthepolice,iftheyhaven’talready,”sheadvised.Inodded.“Weneedto

findsomewheretogo,Knox.”

IstartedtoseeErikaastheperfectwomantobuildafuturewith.Shewasnotafraidtoloveand

wasreadytobuildafuture.Myheartpulsatedatthethought.Myentirebodyflushedover.Inthat
moment,justwhenIhappenedtopictureKasha’sfaceandhearherwords:“I’mnevergivingaway
myheart.”IbecameconfidentintheknowledgethatIwasreadytogiveawaymine.Iwasreadyto
love.AlthoughIwasn’tinloveatthatverysecondwithErika,Iwanted...neededtobe.

“I’mgonnakeepyousafe,”Ipromised.
“Youalreadydid.”
“No,I’mgonnakeepyousafeandtakecareofyou.CometoDelawarewithme.”
Erika’slipstrembled.Herlashesfluttered.Shehungontomywordsasifshehadsomekindof

insight.“Youwantme?”

“Yes,Iwantyou.Letmetakeyouhome.”

~

FourYearsLater

Kasha

~

Knoxwasfiveweeksawayfromgettingmarriedtoanothergirl.

Only.Five.Weeks.
Yetforthefirsttimeinclosetofivelongyears,Ifoundmyselfeasinguponthetipofmytoesand

extendingmyarmsaroundhisbroadneck.

Letmemakethisclear.
We’venevercomethisclosetobeingone.Ourcollectivepastwasfilledwithnever:neverkissed,

neversnuggled,andcertainlynevercrossedthatline.Howcouldwehavegottenhere?

Oneminuteweweresimplyfriends...
Andbam!
WhowasIkidding?Simplyfriends?
Neitherofusmadeanyattemptstopullback.Betweenthepantingandirrationalgroping,we’d

journeyedmilesbeyondalinethatfriendsshouldnevercross.

Iexhaledashetookintheveryessenceofme.AllthatIwascapableoffeeling,knowing,seeing

ortastingwasKnox.Ibecamelostinafog,burieddeepinaworldthatsoughttorubmeout.Because,
withhim,Icouldnolongerexistonmyown.IhadtobeabletodiveintoeverythingthatwasKnox
Jackson.Thepassion...electricity...energieswerebeyondlit.Ithadalwaysexisted,lurkedinthe
darknessforanopportunitytoexplode.Orrather,inourcase,implode.

Sowhytoday?
WhydidIdecidetogiveintotheemotionalpullthathadalwaysbeenguidingustogether?And

whydidKnoxdecidetonotholdstrongtothefactthathewasabouttobecomeamarriedman?

Itried.Ipromiseyou,Itriednottoinhalethesensationalcolognethathadcometorepresentthis

ridiculousneed.Butitwasbeyondthat.Everysinglesenseperkedupwheneverhewasnear.Hell,
forgetaboutourproximitynow,sincetherewasnolongeradistance.

Knox’stongueslidacrosshislips.Idarnwelltasteditsjuicygoodness.Eventhethrustshadtobe

strong,Icouldjustaboutfeelitsforcebetweenmyupperlips,lashingagainstthenipplesofmy34-B
cupbreasts,andeveninchingupbetweenmythighs.Everyounceofreasoningscoldedmefor
wantingthis,evenaseverybitofthesamehadmeconvincedofthistimeasanecessity.Itwaslikethe
portionofanoldshowIoncesawwherethedevilsatatonesideontheshoulderandanangel
perchedontheother.

“Kash,please...”Knoxbegged.Thewordswereelongatedwhispersthatcuddledmybody,only

toridemefromheadtotoe.

Knox’ssilky,chocolate-coloredcroppedhairflowedthroughmyfingers.Iyanked.Notjust

simplypulledorgentlytugged.Iwantedhimmorethanalittle.Hereactedbyburrowinghishead
againstmyneck.IallowedmylidstodriftshutasKnox’sfirmhandsgrippedmybackside.Hedrew
meupandintohim.Ourmouthscollided,andabouttwosecondslater,ourtongueslocked.This
wasn’tjustpassion,notwiththewayourtonguesdemandedabsolutelyeverythingoftheother.There
wasagreedytypeofexchangetakingplace.Thehungerflowingfrombetweenuswascapableof
takingawayallstrength.

Therewewere,twofriends,clinginginadesperateembrace,whilefondlingandgrapplingfor

dearlife.Atthatmoment,inthistime,onlyheandIexisted.We’dfoughtlongtoavoidthisinevitable
faith,yetherewewere.WhileitpainedmetoknowthatIwascapableofimpedingonsomeoneelse’s

worldinthisway,Ididn’tknowhowtolethimgonowthattheworldhadstartedmakingsense.My
eyesstungthemoreIfoughttosubduethetears.Theywantedtopouroutfromme,butIcouldn’tlet
them.Isqueezedaslongaspossible,untiltinydropsbegantricklingdownmycheeks.AllthisasI
continuedtotakeinthewildthrustsofKnox’stongueinsideofmymouth.

“Weshouldn’t...”Isomehowmanagedtomumbleagainsthismouth,butourpassion

overpoweredallobjections.Thetearscontinuedtoburnatmyeyes;Ibadlywantedtocryforevery
instanceI’drefusedtoacceptthetruth.Myinsidesachedwithayearningtogetawayfromandgivein
tohimallatonce.

“Ineedyou,”Knoxspatoutlikeabittercurse,sendingatinyflowofhissalivatothetipofmy

nose.Theseweren’tourwords;thistopicwascertainlynotonefortwocasualfriendswithnothing
morethanasolidrespectanddedication.“Shit,love...”Hewasbeyondangry.Iheldtheanger,
makingitpenetratemymind.Icouldn’tallowthemomentorhisdeclarationtocontrolme,evenas
wemerged.

Butlove?
Igasped,butdidn’tletgo.Eventriedwillingmybodytostepaway,turnandrun.Ihadtoforget

thatI’devercometoadoreamannamedKnoxJackson.Sadly,thecommandsbecamemute,feeble
attempts.TouchingKnox,diggingmyfingersintohisdefinedbicepsdidn’thelp.Inhalinghisessence
—thescentthatmarkedhismanliness—onlyremindedmethatourenergieshadfirstconnectedfour
yearsago.

“Knox,”Ifumbledoutasthesyllablesricochetedacrosseveryinchofmyalreadysensitivelimbs.

Damn!Simplysayinghisnamehadmetinglybetweenmylegs.“No...”Icriedout,andletthetears
flow.Iwoundupmyhead,whiletryingtoarchaway.Mywaistwiggled;Ifeltrottenanddownright
trashy,butIdidn’tgivetwoshits.Ionlywanted...neededhimtofeelme.

Iwasbeyondamessofadesperatewoman.Ichokedatthethoughtofme.Yes,me,KashaDavies

shovingmystuffonsomeguy.SoIletupandpulledbackasmuchasIcould.Hisarmswouldn’t
allowit.Hegroped,squeezinglikeIwasnolongerawant,butinsteadanintegralpartofexistence.

Inthemidstofthisuncertainty,Ishovedmyhipsforwardthenback,rightthenleft.Knoxhadno

choicebuttobreaktheholdandstartloweringmetotheground.ForabriefsecondIfeltbare,like
I’dbeenstrippeddowntonothing.Andthatquickly,withoutanexplanation,Ihoppedup.Iwentfrom
chilly,towarm,andfinallyhot.Myheadspun,somuchsothatasIploppedontheground.Ineededto
leanbackintohim.Myheadpressedagainsthischest.Hisheartbeatpenetratedthesideofmyface.I
hungontothequickeningpace,desperatetofeelbeyondhiscottontee.Hisarmsdrewmein,forcing
metoonlyrelyonthisremarkableshelter.Itwasn’tthathewasalarge,muscularguyoranything.
Knox’sarmswerecut,butitwasenoughtobedesirable;yetlessoverbearing.

Heexhaled,joltingmeoutofthefantasyworldI’ddriftedinto.No,weweren’tinautopian

society.No,Iwasnothis.No,he...hecouldn’tbemine.

“Whatarewe—”Ipausedonpurpose.Mythroatbecameswollenoverofapainstakinglyharsh

attempttofightbackthetearsandaccompanyingsobs.WhenI’dfirstmetKnox,likemostothergirls,
I’dfallenintolust.Iwastoldtoplayitsafe—forgetaboutrelationshipswhileIwasinschool.

Inthewordsofmyman-hatingmother:“Theyoungonesarefulloffunandtheoldonesarefull

ofshit,sogetyourlifeinorderbeforeyoutakeonanyshittyfun.”Afterdad’spassing,Ihadn’tgiven
muchthoughttoMom’sso-calledwordsofwisdom,butuponenteringundergradaftermymoveup
north,I’ddecidedtomakethemostofmyeducation.IneverimaginedthatIwouldbecomegood
friendswith,muchlessfallinlovewithKnox.

Seriouslythough,whoendsupinthesmalleststateinthecontinentalUStomeetthemanofher

dreams?Underanyothercircumstance,howwouldwehavemet?Knoxwasfiveyearsolderthanme.
Hewasn’toriginallyfromDelaware.IbelievehegrewupintheMidwestorsomewhere.Butthat
nightwhenhecaughtme,Icanseehowwemight’vefalleninthatperfectsetting.Moreover,asIlook
backovertheyears,Iseehowwemight’vecreatedthislittleworld,onewherewemadechoices
basedonourfriendship.Afriendshipthatseemedtoshatterwhenhegotinvolvedwithher.

Thinkingbacktomymother ’swordsandthefirstencounterwithKnox,Ifeltthestingofmytear

ductsoncemore.Ishookmyhead—asifthatwouldblowawaythelove.

“You’reinmysystem,Kash.”Heclearedhisthroatrightafter.Thewordsjabbedatmyheart.He

hadtoknowthatthefeelingsweremutual.Knoxwasoneofthegoodguys,andthishadtobetearing
himtoshreds,buthowintheworldwerewesupposedtoignorewhatwe’dstartedheretoday?
“Damn,girl.”

“Whatthehell,Knox,youthinkI’mnotscreweduptoo?”Beingthisclosewasonlyreinforcing

thepain.Likethewholeseebutdon’ttouchthing.Obviouslyweweretooobedient.Ispunaroundto
taketwohealthystepsawayfromhim,myweakness.WhenIrefocusedonhim,myeyeslandedonhis
chest.Icouldn’tbringmyselftoglanceupatthoseperfectpinklips.Eveninthedustylighting,the
gentlenessofhislipswerecapableofputtingmeunderhisspell.

Wewerestandingjustinsidetheentrancedoorofhisabovelevelbasement.Theoutdoor

temperaturehadreachedacomfortable78degreesformid-April,thoughtheinsidetemperaturehad
easilysurpassed100.Thewallswerepaintedeggshell,withsubtleswirlsofpastelsfromceilingto
floor.Iwrappedmyfingersovermybareupperarmsasanunexpectedchillcourseddownmybody.
Thisasmoisturesprangfrommyarmpits.

“Whatarewegonnado?”Knoxbecameabittoocalm.Heshiftedhislegsapart,lookingdownat

meandbroadeninghischest.Itwasthetypeofstancethatcriedoutcometome.Iwantedtorun,leap
andplungeintohisarms.Buthiswrysmilewasawarning.Hewasn’tremorseful.

“I...”Deepbreath,longpause.Iplacedmyrightpalmtothetopofmychestbeforenudging

forwardforeffect.“Ummm...Knox,youaskedmetodropyouhomesinceyourcarwasintheshop.
Nowthatyou’rehome,mymissioniscomplete.”IfIwasclosertothedoor,Iwould’vespunoutside
quickerthanthespeedoflight,yetIwasn’t.Icouldn’ttrustmyselftotakeafewstepspastmy
weakness,towardcertainfreedom.

“Iloveyou,Kash.”Knoxmovedforward,forcingmebackandawayfromhim.Witheachstephe

made,Iequaledordoubledmyown.Heck,Iwasonlyaboutfiveinchesshorterthanhim.Wepaced
acrosstheopenbasementinaseeminglyrehearsedwaltz.

ThepaceofmyheartracedsomuchthatIhadtoclenchmyfiststosteadymyshaking.Ieven

begannibblingonmylips,whichwasahabitI’dbeentryingtobreakforseveralmonthsnow.Knox’s
handsreachedoutforme,ashisfingersaimedformymouth.

MybreathhitchedandIbobbedbackuntilIfoundmyselfcornered.
Whenmyshouldersfinallytouchedthechillywall,andIfeltaflatteningofmywild,darktresses,

hedidn’tstop.Istuckoutmyhands.Hecameatmeuntilmypalmsrestedagainsthisgraycottontee
shirt.MyelbowsbentwhileKnoxtookourspacedowntonull.Hisbreathtussledstrandsofhairthat
layonmyforehead.EachdriftstrippedawaythebarriersI’dusedtoprotectmyheart.

Unlikeinthepassageway,therewasn’tanylighting.Isqueezedmylashesshuttosayaprayerfor

whatmighthappen.Inamomentofguilt,mylashesflutteredupasthewordspouredout.“Loveme?
Really,Knox?Howthehellcanyoulovemewhenyou’reonlyweeksawayfrommarryinganother
girl?”

“Youdon’tthinkIcanbeinlovewithyou?”Hisquestionturnedlow.Heusedanuncommonly

eventoneforthesituation.

“Waitaminute...”Ipushedwithallthatwaswithinme.Therewassomefractionofmovement,

thoughverylittle.Infact,itwasKnoxthateventuallyletup.“Overthepastfouryears,youdidn’tonce
thinktotellmethatyoulovedme?”

“Don’tturnthisaroundonme,Kash.Youalwayshadsomethingnegativetosayaboutmenor

relationshipsoranythingtodowithemotions.”

“Youcouldn’taskifIwasinterested?Whatabouttellingmeyoulovedmebeforenow?Before

youaskedsomeotherchicktomarryyou?”Sayingthewordsgavemethefeelofaknifeplunging
intomyheart.Hewastomarrysomeotherchick,eventhoughhenowclaimedtoloveme.Ugh...
EventhoughIlovedhim.Bitbybit,mybreathseemedtogetcutaway.Iwantedtolookintohiseyes,
yetatthesametimewantedtokeepminehidden.Myhandsformedsolidsfistsatmysides,causing
myentirebodytobecomerigid,unbendable.

“Sayhername...”Hereachedformychintotiltitasfarasitwouldtaketomakemefocusonly

onhim.“She’snotyou.”

“Screwyou,Knox.”Ibarelygotouthisnamewhenmyvoicecroaked.Ihadalwaysrefusedto

giveeartothewomanhe’dbeendatingforashorterperiodoftimethanwe’dknowneachother.
Settingonefootinfrontoftheother,Inowshiftedattentiontothedoor.Shakinghimoff,thetears
rolleddownmycheeksslowlyandinsinglefileoneachside.“You’resayingeverythingright,butthe
wordsmeannothing.Andnowyouwantmetosayhername...WhatthehelldoIlooklike?”

Knoxranhisthumbsunderneaththemeatofeachcheek.Heusedalittleextraforceinstrokingthe

flesh.Itriedtoconvincemyselfthatitwaspainful,thoughmybodyrespondedthatitwaspainfully
good.Witheachmovement,heonlydiminishedmywalls.WhileIinternalizedtheideathatIcouldn’t
havehimandshouldn’twantto,mybodyheldoffoncooperating.

Iwasn’tthetypeofgirltochasebehindsomeguy,especiallyanunavailableone.Ididn’ttryto

takewhatwasn’tmine.Aboveall,Ijustwantedtobelefttomyownthoughts,insteadofgettingcaught
upindrama.ForthosetimeswhenIdesiredtoreachoutsideofmyself,Ilookedtomybestgirlfriend
orthisone—myace.Hewasmynumberone.Knoxwassupposedtobemygo-toguy-friend.Hewas
thetextmessageguy,thechatonthephoneguy.Hewasmyrockinmanyways.Inallthat,he’d
capturedmyheart,whenI’dletdownthewalls.

Takingafullswallowofair,Iranfortheexit.EvenwhenKnox’shandheldontomyelbow,I

shookwildlytogetaway.Histouchpenetratedmyskin.Ifeltittomycore.

“Kash,don’tgo.”
Ididn’twanttoleave,butdidn’thaveachoice.Myinsidessangwithawildthumpingofmy

heartbeat.Iwilledmylegstomove,buthispleashadagreaterpull.

“Kash,Ineedyoutostay.Let’stalk.”Ifthosewordsdidn’tdoanything,hisfinalpleashatteredthe

wallswhenheadded,“Please.”

Myfightwasgone.Knoxhaddonesomethingonlyhecoulddo:soothethefightwithhiswords,

becauseofouremotionalties.Iheldontomycries,capturedthesobsinmychestandtossedmyhead
sidetoside.Idespisedmyselfforbeingweakandinlove.Myheadhunglow,untilallIwasableto
studywasthegrayflooringofthebasement.ThatpausewasjustenoughtolethimknowthatIcould
behis.Realizingmyerror,Iswungmyheadalmostmechanically.

“Nooo,”Iwhinedinasombertone.
“Yes,Icanfixthis,”hepleadedinaheavywhine.
“NoKnox.”Hisfingertightenedonmyarm.Thistime,Iturnedtohimfull-ontoadvise.“No,you

havetomoveon;damn,Knox,Ineedtobefree.”

Knoxgrippedmychinonlytotrailuptotiltmychin.Hisbreathlashedatmyeyelids,thentrailed

acrossmycheeksuntilhebreathedontomytenderlips.Therewewere,twofriendspanting,withno
morethananinchtoseparateus.

“Let.Me.Go,”Iwhispered.Myvoicecrackedattheveryend.Therewasatypeoffinalitytothe

words,asifIhadnointentiontoevercomeback.Intruth,Iwastryingtoconvincemyselftonever
thinkabouthimbeyondthisevening.“Idon’twantthis...you.Youmadeachoice,nowlivewithit.”

Intheend,Ihadn’twonoverhisstrength.Iwasbarelystrongenoughtogetaway.Heultimately

hadnochoicebuttoletmego.

~

Kasha

~

Theburn.Thesobs.Thepain.

Loss.Heartache.Finality.
Knox...Knox...
IlostthefightasIreachedforthedoorandthrewitopen.Igavehimmyback,makingsurehe

couldn’tseethetears.I’msureheheardthemutednoiseItriedtohidebybitingmylipsshut.

Thelightbreezeofearlyeveningwasarelief.IfIhadremainedinsidejustamomentlonger,I’m

sureIwould’vefainted.Itwasn’taneasytask,keepingmywitsatalltimes—yetIsomehowmanaged
todoso.IkeptmyheadlowasIhurriedalongthebackofthebuildingandturnedthecornerwhile
advancingfromthegrassontotheconcretepath.Airrushedatmyfacewitheachsecondofmy
exodusfromthefirewe’dignited.

ButthenIslammedintosomething,orrathersomeone.Beforelookinguportryingtoconfirm

whathadnowblockedmypassage,Isqueezedmyeyesshutandinhaled.Myarmshunglow,whileI
madetightfistsatmysides.Idugfingernailsintothepalmsofmyhands.Dropsoftearsflopped
downtomycottontee.Itriedtostopthemwiththebackofmyhand.Itgotsoakedup.Itwasn’tuntil
thatsecondthatIrealizedhowmuchthiswholeepisodehadmecaughtup.

“Excuseme?”Alight,yetcuriousfemalevoicecutintomypityparty.
Upuntilthatmoment,Ihadn’tconsideredthefactthatthislifedidn’tonlyincludeKnoxandI.

Specifically,thislife,inthisparticulartime.Althoughhisfiancéewaseverprevalent,shewasan
outsiderinourworld.Onethatcouldneverfitintoourkeymoments.Somerunningawayfromhim
andintohertrulycaughtmeoffguard.Thehurt,thewholesuddennessofitallhadplaguedmeso
muchthatI’dforgottentowiseup.

“I-I’msorry,”Imouthed.Iarchedmyneck,blinkingunnecessarilyoverandagain.Myeyesstill

burnedfromthetears.“Whoareyou?”Thegirlwasamereshadowbehindmytears.

“Nooo,whoareyou?”ahigh-pitchedsquealshotout.
Truthfully,Iwasabitbashful,thisgirlwasnot.Then,justasquicklyaswe’dcollided,shestepped

offtothesideandwalkedaroundme.

Frombehind,IcouldhearKnox’svoice,“Erika...”
IneverdespisedanamelikeIdespisedthatone.Anytimehe’dpreviouslysaidit,Iwouldshut

downmymindfromthinking,caring,orregisteringhowimperfectanameitwas.Honestly,how
doessomeonebythenameofErikaendupwithaguybythenameofKnox?Yetsomehowshehad.
Anyothertimebefore,I’dblockedoutErika’sexistence.Ihadchosentoremembermyfriendship
withKnox,nothingmore;noteventhedesiresthatweresuretocreepup.I’dchosentonotpursue
anythingfurther,andindoingso,missedout.ErikawasabletocapturehisaffectionsbecauseIhad
beentoostupidtodoitwhenitcountedthemost.

AsIslidintotheseatofmygirlieyellowVWJetta,theoneI’velovedforthepastyear,Iplaced

myrightpalmonthepassengersideseat.Knoxhadbeeninmydomainonlymomentsago.Iinhaled
withmynosetiltedupintotheair,asifhisscentmight’velingered.Andinmymind,evenwhenI
knewitwashighlyimprobable,Igotahighoffthis.Iyankedawaymyhand,swipedatastraytear
dropthathadchosenjustthattimetorolldownmycheek,andstartedthecar.Beforedrivingoff,a
quickglancetomyleftmademyheartskip.Inthedistance,standingclosetothepathalongsidehis
house,ImadeeyecontactwithKnox.Eventhoughitwasnolongerdaytime,andtheeveninghad

robbedusofperfectsight,Icouldalmostseealonginginhiseyes.

Inhalingthejasmineairfreshenerflowingthroughmyride,Ihadtoconvincemyselfthatwe

neededtomaintainahealthydistance,forthesakeofhisfuturemarriageandmyweakheart.

“GoKasha.Driveoff,”Ipleadedwithmyself.“Whatareyoudoing?”Boy,didIwanttorunto

him.EveryinchofmefeltacallingtobenexttothemanthatIwasstartingtobelievewassupposedto
bemine.“Whattheheck?”Isobbed;eventriedtomufflethesoundsbybitingontheinsidesofmy
lips.But...therewassomethingalmostmagical,cliché-ish.WhatifIweretoputtheemotionstothe
testrightthisinstant?

CouldIbesobold?
No.It’snotright.
Icertainlycouldn’tanddefinitelywouldn’t.Iquicklyshiftedforward.Knoxisandwouldnow

alwaysbeofflimitstome.He’dmadeachoiceoutsideofme.Asmuchasthatchoicepained,I
refusedtosacrificemydignity.Nomatterhowmuchmyhearttugged,Ibrieflyhuggedmyselfina
lonelyembrace,swipedthebackofmyforearmacrossmyeyesandwhisperedagentle,“Goodbye,”
totheimageofKnoxinmymind.

~

ThebarwascrowdedforaWednesdayafternoon.Midweekblues?

Therewasnothingblueaboutmydayorweek.Knoxhadbeenoutoftown,Teaganhadbeen

workingextrahourstoplanforavacationandIwastryingtolandaremotepart-timeresearchrole
withacenteroutofCalifornia.Itrailedmyfingersaroundthebrimofmyglassbeforeleaning
forwardtoenjoyanothersipofmymangomojito.Icriedaboutthevulnerabilitiesoffallinginlove.

Thatwordwascapableoftearingapartmyinsides.Idreadedtheemotion.Toomanyothershad

sufferedforthesakeofthisfourlettercurse.

AsIstudiedthethoughtsracingthroughmymind,nothingtookrootinfrontofmeuntilafamiliar

scentsteppedin.Thentwohandsrestedonmyshoulders.Iinhaled,thenspunonthestoolandreached
upforKnox’shandatthesametime.WhileIpicturedmymassivegrin,hislipsformedaslightfrown.
Andforacoupleseconds,thelaughterandintrusivesurroundingsbecameunimportant.

Knoxtippedhisheadforward.Hisfingersmatedwithmine.Hesqueezedinawaythatwasn’tquite

reservedforfriends.

“Comehere?”Hequicklybentdowntowhisperinmyear.Ifollowedhislead.Ihadnoproblem

withbeingledbyhim,butthenrememberedmydrink.Aftertippingbackovertocollectit,Irejoined
Knoxinatwo-seaterbooth,wayinthebackportionofthebar.

Knoxdrummedhisfingersontheheavy,richbrownwoodentable.Nearby,ahangingstainedglass

lamprainedcircularlightsdownontohisface.AsIstudiedthecollage,asortofheavinessblanketed
me.Itwastooquiet.

“What’swrong,Knox?”
Heshrugged,removingapitchblackjacketintheprocess.
“Talktome,”Ibegged.
“Kash,Igottatellyousomething.”
Istoppedbreathinginthatmoment.Afterfivesecondsandnomovementfromeitherofus,Ifinally

nodded.

“Um,Erika...”
Izonedouttheinstanthesaidthenameofthewomanhe’dbeenseeingfortoolong.Knoxwasmy

friend.Hadbeenmineforseveralyears;friendthatis.Wewereclose.Becauseofthis,Ihadevery
righttotakeownershipandnotacknowledgethischick,nomatterhowlongthey’dbeentogether.

KnoxandIhadastrongbondthatnoonewouldeverpenetrate,andifIwasadifferentperson,he
could’vebeenmine.ButIwasamessedupwreckofagirl.

“Areyoulisteningtome?”Knoxliftedmyhandfromthetable.Heencaseditbetweenhispalms.
AllIcoulddowasnod,andthenbreatheinandbreatheout.Thewallsswarmedaround.Everything

stifled.Inolongerwantedtobetouchedorcomforted;notbyhim.Hisexpressionwasgrim,most
certainlyinthewayhekeptshiftinghiseyesawayfrommyface.

“Saywhatyouhavetosay,friend.”
“Howcouldyourmoodswitchuplikethat?”
“Knox,c’mon,what’swrong?”
“Well,Kash,youknowyou’remyace.Iwantedtotellyoufirst.”Thewordsweredousedwith

somethingstrange,asifhewasuncertainhimself.Hethenranhispalmsdownoverhisface.“So,
Erikaneeds...she...look,I’mmakingthingsofficialwithher.”

“Official?”Iwasn’tafrickin’idiot.Myunderstandingoftimechanged.Mybodyfloatedawayfrom

thesafetyofmybestfriend,sincehewasnolongermine.HowcouldIbeexpectedtoprocesshis
words,whenmyearswantedtorejectthem?Knoxmightnothavebeenmyguy,yethewasmynumber
one.Hell,morethanthat,hewastheonlymaninmylifethatIgaveadamnabout.“Whatdoesofficial
mean?”Ihadtostoptalkingtokeepfromsobbingoutloud.Insideofme,buriedinthemurkyareasof
mysoul,thisrealizationstrippedawaythejoysofliving.Therewasnowaytoreasonthroughthe
mixedemotionsofsomethingsoinnocent.

“Areyouokay?”Knoxheldontothetipofmychin.Itoreitaway.
Thefeelingoffloatingwastoomuchtohandle.Iwasthere,infrontofamancapableofbringing

mebacktoreality.Ididn’twanttobefacedwithanythingreal;letmefloatawayfromthe
disappointmentoflosinga...afriend.

“C’mon,Kash.”
“WhyareyoutalkingtomelikeI’manidiot?Knox,liveyourlife!”ThosewordswerethemostI

couldgiveasmythroatswelled.Aburningsensationshotthroughmybody.Mylipstwitched.I
unwrappedmyfingersfromthecoldstemoftheglassI’dbeengrippingonto,snatchedupthethin
strapofmytinyleatherbag,andfledthebooth.

Hiscallmightaswellhavebeenpartofthedullsoundsoftheracymusic.Ishutoffeveryemotion,

everytietotheoutsideworld.

IfIcouldn’tfeel,thenIwouldn’thurt.
IfIdidn’tcare,thennothingwouldmatter.
Ineededtobeimmunetotheemotions.
“Kasha,youhavenoright!”Ishouted,onceinthecar.Knoxhadmanagedtoslamdownonthe

trunkofmyride,butthatdidn’tkeepmefrompullingoff.Infact,itfeltgoodtoknowthatIwas
capableofleavinghimtherelikehedidn’tmatter.Butthenagain,Ihadnorighttogetangry.

Whenmyphonestartedvibratinginsidemypurse,IturnedupWJBRtoblotoutthesound.Butthat

wasn’tsufficientbecausetheiPhoneflashednonstop.Beforelong,Delilahwelcomedlistenerswitha
gut-wrenchingballadforthosewhowerelonelyinlove.Asusual,theradiodivahadperfecttiming.So
Ididn’tholdback.Itappedonthewheelwithmythumbs,allowedtheteardropstorollandhollered
outoff-keytoBonnieRaitt’sICan’tMakeYouLoveMeIfYouDon’t.

Ratherthangohome,tofaceanemptyhouseandberemindedofhowsadmylifewas,Iheadedto

Teagan’splace.Itwasonlyaboutfifteenminutesaway.Besides,IhadafeelingKnoxwouldseekme
outtotalkabouttheplanshewasmakingforhisfuture.

“Goodforhim,”Imumbledtonooneinparticular.Thesesamethumbsthathadbeentappingaway

toanewer,upbeattuneaboutlovenowwipedattheremnantsoftears.Iwasbrokenintheworstof
ways.Thiseveningheldverylittleimportance.Infact,Itriedtofindeveryreasontonotcare.

“Openup,chica!”Iorderedatthefrontdoor.IdecidedtonotusethekeyTeaganhadforcedmeto

takeabouttwoyearsago.OntheoneoccasionI’dgottencomfortableenoughtoenterwithoutbeing
letin,mydear,sweetbestiehadbeencaughtupinthemostridiculousofpositionswithherboyfriend
ofthetime.Ididnothingmorethanremovethekeyfromthering,restitonthekeyhookinthefoyer,
andleaveout.Teaganhadsomehowmanagedtoreturnittomewithouteverutteringasingleword.

“ThisisthelasttimeI’mopeningthisdoorforyou,Kash.”
“Whatever,yousaythatallthetime.”Iforcedmyselftolaugh,itdevelopedintoagenuineoneat

that.Iwasabletosmile,anextendedonethatreachedbeyondmycheeks.

“Thanksforremindingme.Youcanletyourselfin.”Teagandidn’tspeakagainandthedoor

remainedclosed.

“Idon’twanttobetraumatizedanymorethanIalreadyhavebeen.”Ipausedforherclever

comeback.“C’mon,Teagan...”

Iwaitedandlistenedinsilence.
Fiveminuteslater,IfinallyopenedthedoortofindTeagansittinginachairinthehallway,eating

fromacontainerofrockyroadicecream.

“Doyouseewhatyou’remakingmedo?”sheasked.
“Yeah,I’mshovingtheicecreamdownyourthroat.”
“Youmightaswell,Kash.Ifyouhadn’topenedthatdamndoorsoon,Iwould’vefinishedthisentire

container,thenletyouinsothatIcouldkickyourassformyworkout.”

“Eeeevil.”
“Youdon’tknowhowevilIam,KashaDavies.”Teagan’sunrulyhairhadbeenpulledupintoa

looseponytail.Sheworeawhitepajamadressthatreachedmidwayupherthighs.

“Anyhow,”Ibegan,stickingonefingerattheverytopofthetub.“MayI?”
“Heckno.Notwithyourfinger.Here,usethespoon.”
“Iloveyoulikeasister,butI’veseenyouinsomecompromisingpositions.I’mnotputtingmylips

onthespoonyou’reeatingfrom.”

“Shutup,Kash!Don’tknockthefreakystuff.”Teaganwasthetypeofpersonthathadslickwords

foreverysituation.SowhenIsawhowmytroublesomefriendstartedtwirlingthespoonaround
betweenclosedlips,Ibypassedthefrontdoor.

“C’mon,Kash!I’mjustteasing.”
“Don’tteaseme.Notnow,atleast.”
“Why,sweetie?”
I’dforgottenthehurt,ifonlybriefly.“Knoxandthatgirl,”Iexhaledtherevelation.
WemovedintoTeagan’skitcheninadaze.Whenmynarrationoftheentireepisodeofthebrief

eveningwithKnoxcametoanend,Teashookherhead.Sheremainedinsilenceasshewashedoffthe
spoonandrinsedherhands.

“Youcouldn’tjusttellhimthatyoulovedhim,Kash?”Shehadn’tyetturnedbackaroundtoface

me.

“What?Why?”Isquinted,fluctuatingfromshocktoseriousness.Ibitmylips,thenrelaxedthem.

“Idon’t—”

“Bullshit.Idon’tknowwhatthehellyou’retryingtoproveorwhyyou’replayingthingsthisway.”
“I’mnotlookingtoproveanything.”
“Sowhyareyousohurtoverthis?”

“I’mnothurt.Ijustdon'tunderstand.Shemightbeuptosomething.Seriously,whodoesthissort

ofthing?”

“You’relosinghim,Kasha.”Teagannodded.Herhairfloweddownintohereyes,butonceshe

swipeditaway,Isawthetinyslitsstaringasiftheywerereachingformysoul.

“Losingmyfriend?”Iemphasizedthefinalterm.
“No.Youmightnotwanttoadmitittoyourself,butIseeitinthewayyoureyestwinkleathis

name.”

Tearsbegantricklingdownmycheeks.IthoughtbacktoearlierthatnightwhenI’dsatatthebooth

withKnox.Iadoredhim.Therewasevenanemotionthathadalwayscreptupwithin.Butlove?Hell,
lovewasnothinglikewhatwehad.

We’dstartedasfriends.
Werespectedoneanother.
Welookedoutforandcaredforeachother.
Butlove?
Mymotherwouldsaynosuchthingexistedanylonger.FortheamountofhurtI’dseenmymother

suffer,lovecouldneverexist.Perhapsitwasachoicebasedonourattraction.Maybenot.Ijustdidn’t
know.

~

Knox

~

KashaFrickin’Davies!

Shit!
Howandwhendidwemissthis?Withallthethoughtsswarmingthroughmymind,Ifixedmyeyes

ontheprofileI’dglancedatnonstopforfouryears.IcouldfinallyadmittomyselfthatI’vealways
hadanurgetorunmyhandsalloverthatperfectpackage.Can’tbelieveI’dforgottenwhatitwaslike
whenwe’dmet,orwhenI’dcaughtherbythemarina.Yearsofemptinessweighedmedown.

Nomore.
Idamnnearburnedaholethroughhercar.Tohellwithhertinybumblebeeride.Iknewevery

smoothinchofskin,everynotsogentleportion,andeventhedelicatearomaofherfears.HowdidI
missoutonfallinginlovewithmybestfriend?

Herthoughtscameatme,evenwiththedistancebetweenus.Iwilledhertonotstartupthecar,and

insteadgiveinlikeIwasreadyto.Istudieddeeplyandorderedhertocometome.Granted,Iknewit
wasmyselfishside,butmyGod,Ineededherbackwithme.

Kash,shutoffthedamncar.
Kash,don’tgo.
Kash,youfrickin’belongwithme.
You’remine.
Cometome.
Butshedidn’t.
Infact,whenshepulledoff,myinsidesdamnnearmelted.Tookeveryounceofmymanhoodtobe

strongandnotrunafterher,evenwhenIknewbetter.IknewthatIhadafiancéethatwasselfishas
hell.SomeonethatI’dmadetheirrationalchoicetobewith,butstilldidn’twannascrewthingsup.It
wastoolatetobackdownnow.We’dalreadyvowedtodoit.AndIwasn’tthatguy.Orrather,I
couldn’tbethatdick.

CouldI?
Itippedbackmyheadtoleanfurtheragainsttheedgeofthestonefoundationandgazeintothesky.

Butseeingtheworld,massivenessandall,wastoomuchtotakein.Thedarkeningskyrepresenteda
lonelylifewithminimalfulfillment.IfonlyI’dmadethisrealizationbeforenow,orbeforethinking
thatErikacouldfillavoidthatcouldn’tbeconsumedbyanyonebutKashaDavies.

Iallowedmylashestolieflattomentallyrevisitthemomentwe’djustshared,onlyminutesagoin

thebasement.ForallthetimesI’dtriedtoconvincemyselfthatKashawasjustnotthatintome,I
wishedIcouldnowduplicatemyselfandkickmyownass.

“Yeah,”Isaidinalowdrawltonooneinparticular.MyfrustrationwassuchthatIevenkickedup

theheelofmyleatherboottotheconcreteframeofthebuilding.Thescratchingsoundactually
helpedtosoothethisinneraching,soIkeptupwiththetask,determinedtoruboutthenameofthe
girlI’dfallenforfouryearsback.Thatday,whenthissimplegirlhadsteppedintomyworld.She
wasn’ttheusual,double-taketypeofgirl,anddefinitelynotonetothrowherselfatsomerandomguy.
Shegaveoffthiscoolvibe,similartosittingonabeachduringtheendofsummer,rightbeforefall
beganbutrightafterthecoldairhadsetin.Kashawaseverythingthatanymanwouldwantbecause
shewasreal.

Shehadthickstrandsofbrownhairthatshealwayscomplainedweretoounruly.Asmilecrept

acrossmyface.Itossedmyheadasideandbitmyliponlytoinhalethroughgrittedteeth.Thoughit
wasbrief,thefullnessofherlipsasthey’dcrushedintominehadprettymuchmarkedme.Andher
scent...Kasha’sscent,atingeofBath&Bodyworkslotion,couldneverbemistaken.EvenwhenI
knewthatthefragranceswerenothersexclusively,Irecognizedherenergybeneathitall.

“Canyouexplainittomenow,Knox?Whothehellwasthat?”Erikawasbeyondpersistent

whenevershegotsomethinginhermind.Tobehonest,althoughshehadsuchamajorlabelinmy
life,I’dforgottensheexisted.Andthis,thiswasbeyondjustsomethingtoforget.

Justasshe’dgottenhere,thephonehadrung.Fortunately.Yeah,fortunatelyithadbeenthe

weddingplanner.Sojustwhenshestartedup,herbitchingended.I’dnoddedandmouthedforherto
givemeabreakbeforeheadingoutthebasementdoor.Iwasboggeddownwithsomuchcrap.Andas
sorryasIfeltovermyKashaissue,Icouldn’tnotnoticethewayI’dcomealivewiththatdamnkiss.
ButherewasErika,readytocomeatmealloveragain.NotonlyhadsheapproachedmewhenI’d
specificallyaskedhertogivemeamoment,shecontinuedtopressallthewrongbuttons.Shestood
close,likedoingsowouldforceareaction.Wewerenomorethansixinchesapart.Iwasliterally
cornered,thoughitwasn’tafeelingoffeargrippingme.

IwantedtofeellikeshitasErikakeptrepeatingthesamequestionsoverandoverandoveragain,

forwhateverthehellshethoughtI’ddone.Evenwhenheraccusationshadnothingtodowithasimple
kiss.

“Erika,gimmeabreaktoclearmyhead—”
“Clearyourhead?Whatthehellisthatsupposedtomean?IgaveyouthatmuchwhenIwenttotalk

withtheweddingplanner.Oh,andbytheway,thekeywordsinallofthisareweddingandplanner,as
insomeoneisgettingmarried!”Shepausedforeffect,ormaybetogivemeanopportunitytobegfor
mercy.Herbottomliptrembled.Apartofmybrainimploredmetoreachoutforher,totouchher.
Thatwasonlyaninsignificantportionofme.Therestofme,I’mtalkingeverymorselofmybeing
beyondthesliverstillholdingoutforcommonsense,lostfocus.

“Knox,”shecriedout.Thetearsrusheddownhercheekslikewaterfalls.
“Erika,don’t.”Iletmyheadflopdown.IfIcouldonlymakethisright,Iwould.IfIcouldconvince

myselfthatwhathadhappenedwithKashawasamistake,thenmaybemyrelationshipwouldsetitself
rightagain.ButIcouldn’t.Hell,Ididn’twantthat.

Herfingerspassedacrossmylineofvision.Shegrippedmychinandredirectedmetoher.I

lookeddirectlyintosadeyes.Erikawasthegirleveryguyphysicallycraved.Herlasheswere
naturallylong,evenunderneaththeduskylightingoftheeveningsky,Iconsideredhowalluringthey
were.Iadmiredtheperfectionpackagedaroundafieryspirit.

“Knox,”shegaspedout.Herrighthandslappedattheexposedskinofhertank,rightontheleft

sideaboveherheart.

Whenevershewasunsureaboutsomething,hermouthwouldshifttotherightasshetriedto

nibbleonherlips.Asmallline,similartoacrease,wouldthenform.Duringthosetimes,she’d
developafarofflook.Shealwaysseemedmostvulnerableinthatstateofmind.Everyothertime,
Erikawouldfloatthroughtheworldasifaredcarpetwaslaidoutinherpath.

“Knox,areyouserious?I’maboutreadytocrymyeyesout,andyou’rebeinganasshole.Doyou

knowhowmanymenwouldlovetobeinmylife?”Herwordsgrewindepth,increasinguntilshe
endedthesentencewithaloudout-breath.

“Erika,IsaidIneededamoment.Honestly,thatwasn’tarequest.”Iwouldneverintentionallytry

tobringbullshittoanyone’slife,yetallofasuddenlifetookonanewdirection.Iforcedmyselfand
stretchedoutmyhandtocaressErika’slips,sinceshe’dstartednibblingonthem.Inresponse,her

handflewupandknockedmyfingersaway.Ididn’treact.Didn’tsayanotherwordeither.

Westoodfacingoneanother,drawntothedarknessforhowthisnightwasshapingup.Carsdrove

byonastreetthatwasnomorethantenfeetaway.Familiesinsurroundinghouseschatted,going
abouttheirbusinessasifnoone’sworldhunginthebalance.Butitdid.

“Tellme,”Erika’swordsbegansoftly.Shetookastepforwardtopressherforeheadagainstmy

shoulder.

Iinhaledthepeppermintscentofhertresses.Myarmsflexed.Iwantedtocomforther.Erika

should’vebeenapriorityrightthen,thoughmymindstillracedwithimagesofKasha.Adoorhad
openedthiseveninginthebasement,onethathadlikelybeenswellingandboundtobursteventually.
Andrightthere,asIfoughtthisnewbreedofdemons,Ihadnochoicebuttoownuptothefact:Iwas
madlyinlovewithKashaDavies.

“I’msorry,Erika,I’llbeback.”Ipulledaway.MymovementswereswiftanddirectasIpaced

fromtheyardenroutetomytruck.Thetruckthatshould’vebeenintheshop.Thislittleliewasmeant
toaffordmetimewithKasha,justtotalkandbenear,sinceeverythinghadseemedtoforceheraway
withalltheweddingplans.

Afewsecondslater,andIwaspullingawayfromthecurb.Kashawasabeacon,callingmetoher.

Hersparkwasahopeatthecenterofadarkworld,rejuvenationforamanthathadoncebeenlostin
theworld.Yes,Erikawassupposedtobemywifeinthenearfuture...maybe.ButKashahad
acceptedmyfriendshiplongbefore.Whenneitherofushadactuallygiveninknowingly,deepdown
inside,oursoulshadconnectedforthelonghaul.

Erikawassupposedtobemyend-all,right?

~

“Letmemakeyouofficiallymine.”InsayingthosewordsonenightafterI’dseenKashaoutona

date,IrealizedthatIcouldn’tbringmyselftobelieveinthephrasemarryingsomeone.ButIwaswith
Erika.Overtheyears,I’dcontinuedtohope.No.Allhopewasgone.Ihadtodealwithwhatwashere,
infrontofme,andreal.Ididn’twanttobeahusbandoutsideoftakingcareofErika;didn’twantto
haveawife.MaybesomedayImight’vegottendesperateenough.ThesewerethingsIhadnodesirefor
yet.Mymind,mywillandmynatureasamanmademebelievethatIshouldnevercryoverany
woman.ButI’dbecomebrokenoverKashaDavies.

“First,Ineedtotellyousomething.”Erikanibbledthetipofmyear.Herelbowswerepressed

downonmychestandcollarbone.Iopenedmyeyestothebrighteststaretogreetmeinthelongest
time.

“Whatcouldyoupossiblyhavetotellme?”Ididn’texpectsomeradicalconfessionoranykindof

bull.ThetalkinghelpedkeepmymindoffKasha.It’snotthatshewasgonecompletely,justenoughfor
metorelax.

“Promiseyou’lllistentomebeforeyougooff.”Shesuckedintheinnerpartofherlowerlip,while

thebright,wide-eyedgirlsankawayfromme.

Iglancedatmyclothes,tossedoverbyanemptychairnexttothewindows.Gettingdressedseemed

liketherightthingtodobeforeshewentalldeepconfessiononme,butthewayshecoweredmademe
thinktwice.SoItippedmyheadforward,givingherthego-aheadtosaywhateversheneededto.

“IthinkTony’sgonnacomeforme.”Hereyestearedup.Shesatupstraightinthemiddleofthe

bed.

“Tony,yourex?Now,afteralltheseyears?”Iwaswillingtoletthingsdiethere.Shedidn’toweme

adamnthing,especiallyanexplanationoverhercrazyex.

“Youdon’tunderstand.He’snotallthere.”

TohelphergetoverthedramaofspeakingaboutsomeoneIdidn’tgiveadamnabout,Idrewher

handstomylips.Shefroze.

“Whatareyoutellingmethisfor?”
“He’sapsycho.Youmight’vekickedhisass,buthe’snotonetoquit.”
FiguresI’dchoosesomeonewithissueslikethat.“I’msoconfusedbecauseyourfrickin’ex,who

youshouldn’thaveshittodowithisnowapartofourconversation.”

“Itrytotalkhimdown.Knox,I’mscared.”Forsomeonethathadjustprovedtobeemotionally

detached,specificallywhenIhadmadeanefforttoprovidesometypeofcomfort,sheconfusedthehell
outofme.“Idon’tknowwhatI’mgonnado.”

Thiswasunreal.Iactuallyallowedmyselftodosomethingtotallyoutofcharacter,andwham—I

endupwithasituation,tosaytheleast.

BeforeIknewit,Erikabecamemyproblem.Notconcern,buthugeproblem.Nowtheinitialproblem

wasbecomingaproblemagain.

“Apparently,mymotherhasbeentryingtotrackmedown.”
Mother?
Idon’tspeakbutamsureshesawmyshock.Thisgirlsworeshehadnoone,muchlikeme.Shewent

ontotellmeaboutfamilymembersthatwereclosewithTony,andhowdeeptheirconnectionswere.

“Iknowit’llbeweird,butIneedtogetbackintouchwithmypeople,especiallynowthatwe’llbe

makingthingsofficial.”

AllIcouldthinkwaswhatthehelldidIjustputmyselfin?Whydidn’tshesaysomethingbefore

andwhydidn’tIkeepthingsastheywere?

Iblameditononeperson;notErika.
KashaFrickin’Davies...

~

Kasha

~

MyescapetotheplaceKnoxhadhelpedmeturnintoahomedidn’tfullyregisteruntilIpulledinto
thedriveway.WhenI’dpulledoff,Iwasn’tentirelysureofmydirection.Ionlyneededtoputdistance
behindme,notjustbetweenus.IneededKnoxtobeafadingmemory,notalingeringdesire.

Myfingersgrippedatthewheel.Theyachedasmuchasmypoor,breakingheart.Theworldfelt

stifling,mycirculationdriftedaway.ThecarthatIlovedsoverymuchbecameunbearable,withthe
spacecontractingfromeveryangle.Yetdeepwithin,Ifeltempty,unsuretoalargedegree.Looking
uptothemoonlightthatnowsurroundedmysplit-levelhouse,Isuddenlyfeltallalone.Ithadn’teven
beenaproblembeforenow,however.Behindthedoorofthefixer-upperI’dpurchasedwiththehelp
ofKnox,thememorieslivedforever.He’dfrontedthefundsformetobuytheforeclosedhome.
We’dworkedtomakeitasuitablehome,together.NotsinceFloridahadIreliedonaguythisway.
ThiswassonotFloridathough.HowcouldInothaveknownthenthatI’dfalleninlovewithKnox?
Thathehadbecomeanextensionofme?Weoperatedasoneunit,onebody,oneheart—

BEEP.
Acarhornknockedmefrommythoughts.Iquicklyswipedatmyeyes.Myshouldersslumped

forwardandheaddippedtothewheelbriefly.Iclenchedmyfingers,breathingslowlyandsteadily.A
coupleofbeadsofsweatlingeredacrossmyforehead.Ididn’timmediatelyseeanyone,untilasecond
laterwidelightsrolledtheshortdistanceupmydrivewaytostopbehindtheJetta.Veryfewpeople
visitedme.Therewasnodoubtasswift,heavyfootstepsdrewnear.Witheach,Icountedtheechoesof
myheartbeatinanattempttoslowtheragingpace.Iloweredmyhead,stillnotremovingmyhands
fromtheirclawedgriponthewheel.Mybreathinggrewwilderforeachsecondofanticipation.When
ashadowedfigureappearedatthedriver ’ssidewindow,Imovedmyheadslowlyfromonesideto
thenext.Therewasnoneedtolookuptoconfirmwhoitwas.Infact,hiselectricforceracedstraight
throughthewindow.

“Kash,openup.”Knox’shandconnectedwiththeglass.Theentirecarshivered,reflectingtheway

myinsidesfelt:frail.“I’mnotgoinganywhere.Openup.”Hehadthisabilitytoremaincalm,even
whenotherswouldlosetheirshitoverthings.Nothingfazedhim.He’drepeatedlydrophintsofhis
past,evenclaimstohaveexperiencedthelifeofasixty-two-year-old.Yeah,eachyearthischanged—
attwenty-fouritwasaforty-two-year-old.Ialwayslistened,neverofferedmuch.Mypasthadbeen
buriedawaywhenIleftFloridaforDelaware,ofallplaces.Mywoeshadtobeforgotten.Butquite
often,I’dseethefarofflookinhiseyes.Hesometimesworetheauraofsomeonethathadbeen
kicked,stompedandtakendowntonothingall.Istudiedforthispurpose,tosensethesethingsasa
therapist.

Knoxstoppedmovingaround.Hewaitedformetorespond.Everyconversation,everylook,

everytypeofexchangeflashedthroughmymind.Hewasinsidemypsyche,coursingthroughthe
verysoulofwhoI’dbecomeinthislife.Hewasn’tthetypeofmantodothissortofthing;notgiving
inandunraveling.Iknewthetypefromalongtimeago—justaboutfiveyears.

“Ineedyou,Kasha.Damn,girl!Letmein.Nooneelseknowsmelikeyou.”Outsideofthefew

friendswho’driddenthedarkworldwithhim,Iwastheonlypersonhe’dtrulyinvitedintohislife—
notevenErikahadbeenallowedsodeep.

Mylimbsturnedtoputty.Igotweakforhim,butIwastoostubborntogiveinwithoutatleast

trying,right?

“Kasha,iflifehastaughtmeanything,it’sbeentotakeaholdofopportunities.”
“Leavemealone,Knox.Goto...”Istoppedmid-sentenceonlytobeginagain,thistime

whispering,“GotoErika.”ThiswasthefirsttimeI’dallowedhernametopassmylips.Mystomach
rattledandturned.“Youbelongtoher.You’remarryingher.”

“That’stheproblem.Ican’tmarryErika,I’minlovewithyou.”
Hisconfessionwasterrifying,thoughwelcomeallthesame.Lovewasn’tsomethingIembraced

becauseitcouldbeadangertothesoul,evenasitcrushedtheheart.Itriedtokeepmyheadforward;
infact,Iremainedstillwithmyheadtilteddownwardandhandsstillclutchingatthewheel.Teardrops
blurredmyvisionastheytumbleddownoneaftertheother.

“Pleaseleave,Knox,”Imumbledinacoarsetone.
“Ican’t,”hereplied,placinghispalmsagainstmycarwindow.Forallthestrengthhe’dalways

shown,Knoxcouldn’thidehisemotionsthisonce.“Iloveyoumorethananything,morethananyone,
Isweartoyou.Openup.Letmeproveit.Openup,Kash.”Hecontinuedoninthisway,whilethetears
keptsoakingupmyfaceandteeshirt.

Ilostcountofhowoftenorhowmanypleashemade.Buthemust’veknownthathehadme.His

declarationsexpandedmymindandspedupmyheart.NotonlyhadIfallenforanincredibleguy,I’d
apparentlycapturedhisheartovertheyears.Andnow,hewastotallymesmerizingmewithhiswords.
Tinysobsescapedthroughmylips.Itriedtostoptheflow.Itwasuseless.Igrippedthesteeringwheel
andunlockedthedoor.Takingonefinalbreath,Isetasidemyguard.

Knoxfelltohisknees.Hisheadfoundrefugeinmylap.Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist,

squeezingasifhe’dneverletgo.Imeltedagainsthim.Thiswasourplacetobeintheuniverse,meant
forpure,unfilteredlove.Underdifferentcircumstancesandwithanyoneelse,hewould’veheldback.
Andatanyothertime,Iwould’verefusedtogivein.Perhaps,justperhaps,iftheuniversehadlined
upthisopportunityforKnoxandmewithanyoneelse,therewould’vebeenglitches.Thissortof
passionwasmeanttobe:meanttobeexpressed,meanttobecultivated.Herewewere,thecenterof
eachother ’sworldsandfinallywillingtogiveintothelovethathadbeenbrewingforsolong.

~

Kasha

~

Knoxliftedmeofftheseatwithoutastruggleorevenbreakingasweat.Ididn’tfadeintohim.Notyet.
Thingslikethiscouldn’tbegoodforme,couldthey?Mystorywasn’tmeanttoendwithmegetting
theguy,right?

“Breathe,”heencouraged.Funnythingwas,Ihadn’trealizedI’dbeenholdingmybreath.
“Knox,”Icriedout,flingingbackmyhead.Hisarmswerewrappedbeneathme,sowhenhepulled

tighterandgrippedcloser,themomentintensified.Iburstoutintoheaviersobs.Hemaneuvered
aroundthecaronlytokickitshutashehustledtothedoor.Onceinside,hestoppedinthefoyer.The
entirehousewasdarkandprovidedachill.

“Ineedtoseeyou,”hedemanded.Hesetmedown,thendirectedmybodyaway.Hishandsreached

toafamiliararea,justinsidetheentrancewall.Thelightsfloodedthepassageway,extendingfurther
intothehomeinaneerietypeofway.Mycrieshadsubsided,thoughthereflectionfromthemirror
showedstreakmarksfrommylashes.Betweenthetwoofus,thesilenceechoedwithexaggerated
breathsandraginghearts,markedanticipationontheedgeofexplosion.

Islowlyranmyfingersacrosshisface.Itippedupontomytoes,anddrewdownhismouthto

meetmine.Histongueslidbetweenmylips,onlytodivedeeperstill.Isucked,enjoyingtheforceof
histhrusts.Hewascapableofburrowingindeepenoughtomaketheneglectedregionsofmybody
quiver.Lifecould’veendedrightthen,anditwould’vebeentheperfectdeathinthearmsofamanI
adored.IwasreadytosayyestoeverythingKnoxwouldeverwant,nomatterthecost.

“Knox.Knox.”Hisnamebecameatunetobeworshipped.
“Kash,”hereplied.“Awwwdamn.”
Weworshippedthistime,thismoment,thisnewlovethatshouldhavealwaysbeen.Withour

hands,weexploredwithhope.Withourlips,wetastedoftheforbiddenfruit.Withourhearts,wesaid
yes.

Knoxreachedbehindme.Heliftedmeuptohiswaistjustbeforedroppingtohisknees,inthe

middleofthefoyer.Whilehislefthandbalancedmyslenderframe,hisfingersmovedthroughmy
hair,acrossmyjawline,anddownmynecktostopatmybreasts.Hismouththenfollowedthetrailto
findmymounds,reachingjustintimetotakeintheleft-sidenipplebetweenhisteeth.

“Areyouclean?”Iasked,suddenlyrememberinghissituation.“Iam.”
“Yeah,it’ssomewhatcomplexwith-with—”
Ishookfromoneendtothenext.Neitherofusmovedortriedtosmoothovertheelephantinthe

room.Thenheloweredhisforeheadontomyskin.Hisairtickledme,sendingafreshwhisk
extendingoutfrommycoretoallregions.Gentle,moistkisseslandedonmybareflesh.

Hegnawed.
Hesuckled.
“Ahhh...”Iwiggledabout,intimidatedbytheskillheusedtoclaimme.Mynippleshadgrown

stiffandaflushofmoistureseepeddownmythighs.HewascapableofpullingoutthingsIsimply
wasn’tawareof;theymust’vebeenburieddeepdowninmysoul.

“Letmeloveyou,KashaDavies.”Henibbledonmystomach,aroundmynavelandcontinuedto

driftlower.“Letmein,”hemumbled,pullingawayenoughtoallowthewordstocarry.

“Knox...”Icalledoutthroughaheavyexhale.“Iloveyou.”
Hisheadliftedjustenoughforhimtocatchmygaze.Therewasahint,ashineradiatingfromhis

pupils.“Kash,IplanonshowingyoujusthowmuchIloveyou.”

“Whatabout—”
“Iswear,Kash,there’snooneelseandnothingelse.”Asheassuredme,hestartedloweringmy

bodytothelightpeachlinoleumtile.“It’smeandyouhereonout.”Hedidn’twaitforareply.Knox
shreddedmycottonteeandplacedamultitudeofkissesdownmystomach.Iencasedhisheadbetween
mypalms.

“Don’teverletgo,Knox.Promiseme.Promise.”Wavesofemotionsshotthroughouteveryinch

ofmewheninafrenzyKnoxloweredmyjeans.Althoughhishandspusheddownthematerial,his
mouthmassagedmytriangulartreasure.Hetickledatmyclitbeforefeastingonmywomanhoodwith
aspitefulpassionthatcalledouteverythingthatshouldhavebeenhisallalong.Heattackedmein
beast-likeresolve.Iwantedtogiveitallwithnoregardforanythingelse.Iforcedmyhipsforward
onlytopullhiminforahealthyfeast.

“Knox!”Iscreamed.“Knox.”Hisnamefeltincrediblynaturaltumblingfrommytongue.My

insidesflushedoverwithenergyfromeveryandallpartsbothsecretandpublic.Ishovedmyhips
forwardintohisface,whilemyfingersgrippedontohiswildhair.Quitealongtimehadpassedsince
I’dlastexperiencedanyofthis.Ihadforgottenwhatrealpleasurewas.Butthiswasmuchmorethan
simplejoy.

“Fiveyears,”Knoxmumbledagainstmyslit.Hiswordstraveleduptomycorebeforeracingback

downagain.

Fiveyearswasalongtimetohavesuchpassionbottledup.IhonestlyneverthoughtI’deverbeso

luckytogivemyselfaway,justforthesakeoflove.

“Ahhh!”
Iletgo.Fortheemotionsthathadbeenlockedawayformostofmylife,Isetasidethewalls.

BetweenthepassionthatKnoxfedtothepeekabooregionburiedontheinsideofmyfleshandthe
influxofbittersweetpainoverfinallylettinggo,mytruthwasfinallyabletomanifestallatonce.And
soIsobbed.Ifoughtitout.Hecalledforthmyorgasmwithfiercelips.Inolongercontrolledthings.
Hedid.Iobeyedhiscommandandreleased.

Knoxthenplacedmeonmyfeetinordertoremovetherestofmyclothes.Hedidn’tmoveto

undress,nortoremovehisshoes.Hissolefocuslandedondoingwhatwasneededtosatisfymeand
onlyme.

Allthewhile,Imaintainedalowsob.Knox’shandsreacheduptotouchmyface.Ileanedand

allowedmyheadtorestagainsthim.Hetookthetimetogentlymassageatthemoisturethatdrenched
mycheeks.

“Knox...”Inibbledintohispalm.“Idon’twanttobewithoutyou.”Thistime,Iboldlyreachedup

forhim.Mylegsfeltrightaroundhiswaist.Theroughnessofhisclothesshould’vemadeit
uncomfortabletocontinue,especiallyagainstmynakedness.ButIdidn’tcare.We’dspenta
tremendousamountoftimestavingoffourlove.Thatwasnolongeranoption.Wepressedontoa
newera,anewlife,anewloveinthehereandnow.

Knox

~

KashawasmorebeautifulthanIcould’veimagined.I’dseenherbefore,butneverlikethis.Shehad
theperfectlittlenose,beautifulpinklips,andagorgeoussmilethatheldmeclose.Butherbody,shit.
Herhaircarriedarefreshingscent,Ineededmorethanalittle.Shelaynaked,spreadwideacrossmy
chestafterhoursofusexploringeachother.Ithinkithad’beenmorethanthreetobeexact.Shewas
exhaustedtothepointofgentlysnoring.Herlipswerebarelypartedastheairrushedout.Iwokeup
withaheavyfeelingweighingmedown.

Mysituationwasn’taneasyone,andwouldbeevenmoredifficulttogetoutof.WhenI’ddecided

totakeonErika,I’dbeenconfused,inadevastatedstate.Kashahadbroughtmebacktoatimeofmy
past,whenloyaltiesrandeepandhardtimesevendeeper.

ThethingI’dtriedtokeephiddencameback.Ishookmyheadandexhaled.Livinginthepresent

withthegirlofmydreams,ItrailedmyfingersalongKasha’sshoulders.Herskinwassoft,perfect.I
slidlower,positioningherpetiteframeovermine.Shefitperfectlyontop,inalltherightareas.Days
likethisweremeanttoliveon.Ididn’twanttoleave,butknewIcouldonlystaysolong.

“Kash,”Iexhaledtothetopofherhair.Mybreathwaswarm,blowingoutaheavy,passionatefire.
Kashastirredinresponse.Herlipscamecrashingdownonthemeatypartofmychest.Shewent

ontotrailkissesafterkissesacrossandup,untilourlipscollided.

ShewasnolongermyinnocentKasha.Shenolongerheldback.Mostimportantly,shebelievedI

wasnowhers.HowdidIknow?Inthewayshekissedmewholeheartedly.Sheopenedupforme,in
return,Iwouldn’tandcouldn’tdisappointher.Whenshespreadherlegsinpreparationtomountme,
myarmssnakedaroundherhips.Sheshotstraightup,archedherback,tookmeinandrockedwildly.

Kashamoaned.Shetossedherhair.Herpalmsgrippedandsqueezedatherbreastsastheyfitfully

intoeachpalm.

“Promiseme,”Kashacriedout.Herquestionhungwideoutintheair.“Ineedtoknow...thatthis

isn’tjustathingforyou,Knox,because...ummm,it’snotjustathingforme.”

Ithrustmyhipsuptomeetherdownwardgrind.Wefedoffthepassion,thehunger.“Nonegativity.

I’llmakeitbetter.I’llfixthis.”Iallowedhermusclestomassagemyflesh.“Ipromise.”Formeitwas
muchmorethanapromise,itwasmyvowtoKasha.Nomatterwhat,Ineededher.Erikawouldhave
tounderstand.Shehadto,God,shehadto.ThisnightIgaveawaymyheart,mysoul...myall,and
therewasnogettingthemback.

Anhourlater,Istoodatthesideofthebedtowatchovertheonlygirlmyheartwouldeverlove

again.She’dmoanedafewtimes,evenclawedandgiggledinhersleep.Thelightswereoutanda
subtleshinefromthemoonhadsprinkledindripsofhope.Iwalkedovertostandinthemoonlight,
thentookamomenttorunfingersthroughmycroppedhair.Aloomingfeelingrestedinmygut,a
hintforwhatwassuretocome.

IhadbeenabletoconvincemyselfthreemonthsagothattakingErikaasmywifewastheright

thingtodo.IthoughtIwasdoingtherightthing.Ineededtobelievewecouldbe,thatIcouldprotect
her.Igottornup,confused.Inanattempttoprotecther,Iscrewedthingsup.Erikaneededtobelieve
inalovethatquitepossiblyhadnevertakenroot.Iledheron.Beingabletoshowlovetosomeone
likeErikawasn’tdifficult.She’dbeenthroughashitloadoflossinthepast.

AsmuchasIdidn’twanttoaddtoherhurt,Ineededtostaytruetomyself.Icouldnolongermove

forwardwithErika.IfIwasforcedtocontinue,I’dneverbeabletoforgivemyselfandwouldnever

beabletoletKashagoagain.SoI’dbeacheatingbastard.

“Damn,”Imouthed,throwingmyfistsintotheair.Iftherewassomewaytogobackintime,I’d

makethetrip.Thepastalwaysseemedtoloominmypresent,andknowingnowthatKashahadloved
meallalong,Iwouldn’thavewastedtheyears.Orbetteryet,I’donlygobackasfarasthefirstnight
I’dmetErikaandlearnmylessonfromthere.

“Damn.”Isteppedoffandawayfromthebed,thenbentforwardtopickuptheclothesfromthe

hardwoodfloor.Ipausedtolookdown.Theshinefromthemoonlightstretchedacrosstheroom.It
trailedalongthefloorboards.Ikneweveryinchofthishouse.Therenovationwasoursummer
projecttwoyearsback.ThememorieswerestillpotentasIbreathedinthesilenceandreminisced
overourtimetogethersofar.Andforonceinmylife,Ilookedforwardtoafulfilling,doubtless
future.

~

Kasha

~

“What’swrong?”Imumbledbeforescoldingmyselfforsayingsomethingsonaive.Theproblem

wasthefactthathemust’vefeltlikeshitoverus.AsmuchasIdidn’twanttoacknowledgeErika,she
wasaveryrealpartofhislife.Inacknowledgingher,however,didthatmeanmyclaimonKnoxwas
baseless?

Irolledclosertohisfirm,muscularchest.Myassbackedtohisgroinwhileourbodiesblended

perfectlytogether.Inreturn,Knoxsqueezedmyupperbody.Hepressedmeevencloserwhile
providingabearishhug.Withourlowerbodiesalreadyattachedtooneanother,helappedhislegs
overthetopofmine,thencrisscrossedatthebottom.Hisbulgegrewagainstme.Damnnearmelted
intohimandgotwetalloveragain.Correction:wetter.

“Kash,theonlythingI’mcertainaboutisyou...this...us.”
Icouldfeelthepoundingofhisheartblendingwiththevibrationsofmyown.Itwastheperfect

massagetocounterthetopic.

“Erika’sgonnahateme,”Iwhisperedasmylipspressedintohisforearm.Thescentofourmated

bodiesmademecravehiminsidemealloveragain.ThearmsIwasalreadygrowingaccustomedto
tightenedacrossmybiceps.Hekissedthetipofmyear,nibbledandranhistonguearoundtheedge.
Knox’shotbreathpushedmetothebrinkofreasoning.Atinglysensationflushedthroughme.How
couldsomethingsosubtlecausesuchareaction?

“Areyoufriends?This—”hebeganbeforegentlythrustinghishipsforward“—thisismyissue,

notyours.”

“Iknow,butI’dnevergetoveraguy,specificallymyfiancé,dumpingmeforsomeotherchick.”
“Letmeworryaboutthat.”
ButhowcouldInotcare?Hiswordshadn’tsoothedme.Iknewhemeantwell,butIhadjust

screwedanotherchick’sguy.Tomakethingsworse,Icouldn’tsayIwouldn’tdoitagain.

“Lookatme.”
Withouthesitation,Iturnedaroundandmaintainedourproximity.Ithenarchedthetophalfofmy

bodyawayfromhim.Hisgazewasafamiliarone,thoughforthefirsttimeinalltheseyears,Inow
recognizeditastrueadoration,hunger,need,longing...love.

Alowbuzzingsoundedoffinthedistance.Ourstareintensified.Adistantlightprovidedjust

enoughofarevelation.Hischestcontracteddeeplytomychest.Istudiedhismovementsawayfrom
thebed.Whenherecoveredhisslacksfromthefloor,hetookouthiscellphoneandglancedatthe
screenbeforereturningittothepocket.Assoonashegotcozywithme,itwentoffagain.Ididn’t
waitonhimtostepawayfromme.Iloosenedthegrip,sinceI’djustwrappedmyfingersathissides.
Insteadofforcingmetotightenmyhold,heallowedmetolethimgoandreluctantlystoodup.

Hehadtoknowwhowascalling.Thereaction,afteritlitupinhishand,didn’tshiftmuch.His

handwentrightbackinsideofhispocketandcameoutempty.WhenKnoxrefocusedbackonthebed,
onme,hetookadeepbreath,recoveredthephoneandanswered,“I’llgetthereinacoupleofhours.”

ThistimeIsatupinthebed,suddenlyfeelingdetached;notfromhimbutmyself.Ihadn’tspoken

withMainabouttwomonths,sinceshewastakingajourneyofself-discoveryonsomeremoteisland
intheSouthPacific.Icouldhearherwords,evensawtheangerformingonherfaceasshescolded
me.ThankGodshedidn’tknowaboutKnox.

Heleanedhisheadtothewallandusedhisrightfingerstomassagehistemples.Knowinghimthe

wayIdid,hehadtobeuncomfortable.Withthedistancebetweenus,sincehewasattheoppositeside
oftheroom,Icringedwhentheelectronicsoundcarriedthroughtheroomlikebefore.

Neitheroneofusreactedmorethantostareateachother.I’djustgivenmyselftohim,knowing

damnwellhewastaken.WhatthehellwouldIsay?Thentheringingstopped.Fivesecondslater,there
wasthezigzagtextureofitsnoiseagainsthisclothes.Anadditionalfiveandheyankeditbackout.

“I’lltalktoyouwhenIget—”Knoxlistened.Ilistenedtohimlisteningtothegirlheshould’ve

beenwithnow.Myheartpumpedharshly.“I’mnotarguingwithyou,Erika.We’lltalkwhenIget
there.”

IcouldimagineErika’sanger.Hell,beingtheotherwoman,Ifeltitforher.Myeyesstungforhow

wrongthiswas,thoughlovewasnevermeanttofeelwrong.

“Ifyouneedtogo—”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere,Kash.Ifuckedup.Ishould’venevergottentothisstagewithErika.We,

youandme—”Knoxpausedtoswipehishandtoandfro“—should’vebeentogetherallalong.”

Mymindbecamecapturedbyasinkingfeelingoverhiswords:theconfidenceandtheconnectionI

felttoErikaasafemale.Ineededtoputdistancebetweenus,fleethissituation.Eventheslightest
escapewouldhelp.“I’mgonnagetsomejuice.”BeforeKnoxcouldobject,Ileaptupfromthebedto
rushoutoftheroom.Iwrappedaroyalredthrowaroundmyshoulders,itcascadeddownmylimbs.
Ithadbeenleisurelythrownacrossabone-colored,wingedwickerchair.Icamesoclosetostumbling
overthetopofthearmrest.

Shit!Damn!
Istretcheduponmytoestorunforthekitchenwhileregretsunklowinsideme.Iliterallysaw

myselfasshit.Aseaofdoubtflowedthroughmymind.Inmyquestforsomesemblanceof
satisfaction,IstartedtoregretwhatIhadjustdone.Buttherewasnooneneartopromisemeitwould
beokaybecausemyconsciencewouldneverlietome.

Thehousewassilent,withtheexceptionofamotorcycleinthedistance.Amotorcyclewasn’tthe

normformyblock.Can’tsayanyofmyneighborsownedabike.Andifanyoneweretomakeaturn
intomydevelopment,ithadtobewithpurpose,especiallyintheearlyhours.

Honestly,Kash,whocares?
Itossedmyhead.Myhairwhiskedaroundmyface.ThekitchenfloorwascoldandthoughI’d

wantedtogetawayfromthedramainmybedroom,Iwassuddenlyreadytoembracethefireallover
again.Thissituationhadmegoingthroughthemotions,runninghotandcold,evendoubtingwhatI
knewtobewrongasright.Butcoulditberight?

AsIpreparedtoreturntoKnoxwithaslewofquestionsaboutus,InoticedtheclothesI’dworn,

theoneshehadremoved.Theywerestillinthefoyer,tossedontheground.Forallthedoubting,I
inhaledandsmiled.Myimaginationtookoffwithimagesofareaswe’dleftclothes.Ievenenvisioned
howwe’dcomeateachother.OhKnox,Iwantedtocryout.Leaningtoreachforthearticlesinthe
dark,Iheardthemotorcyclerevup.Thesounddrewcloser,thencloserasifitwascomingatme.My
heartraced.Atumpteeno’clockinthemorning,whothehellwouldbeplayingaroundonablockthat
wasfilledwithretirees?

Pressingtothestainedglassdoor,Itriedtopeeroutthroughoneofthetinyspotsthathadn’tbeen

filledinwithfrost.Thesecondsdraggedonwithnothingtosee,inspiteofthedarknessstilllooming
ontheothersideofthedoor.ThenIheardfootstepsthreadingupwhatsoundedtobemydriveway—
heavy,determinedstepsatthat.

IpartedmylipstocalloutforKnox,butthewordsnevercame.Instead,Irushedtowardawindow

ontheleftsideofthehouse,rightoffthelivingroom.Thelightswereallturneddown,frominside

thehousetotheoutdoorfloodlight.AndfromtheangleIwasgazingoutofthewindow,thestreetlight
attheoppositecurbrevealedverylittle.Leaningawaytolookbehindme,Iconsideredgoingtoget
Knoxbecausewhateverthiselusivefigurehadplanned,therewasnotelling.Butthentherewas
absolutelynothing.SilenceresumeduntilitwasasithadbeenwhenI’dfirstleftoutofthebedroom.I
nolongerevenheardthebike.Thedamnfootstepshadcomeupthepathway.Iwasn’tlosingmymind,
wasI?

Then...
BOOM!Glassescapedinward,rainingpastthefoyerfurtherintomyhome.Onesecondtheglass

wasintact,thenextitlayinruins.

“Help!”Icriedinwordsandterms.“Help!
“Kash!”Knox’scalledout.
“No,don’tcomehere!”Iwarned.Therewasnotellingiftheculpritremainedonthesteps.Thelast

thingIwantedwastoriskKnox’ssafety,evenwithmeteeteringwithfearontheedgeofthesofa.But
thenIheardthebikerollingup.Footstepsstarteduponceagain,thoughquickerthistime.Ipeered
backoutofthewindowtoseethebackofalankyguydressedinfullblack.Hepulledahelmetover
thetopofablackbaseballcap,thenhoppedontothefrontofabike.Hisaccomplicewasmuch
smallerandreachedlower,aboutmidwayuphisback.Thepersonwrappedtheirarmsaroundtheguy.

Vanhadn’tcrossedmymindinages.Couldhehavefoundme,afteralltheseyears?Ineverwent

backtoSouthFlorida,notevenPortSaintLucie.Ithoughtofhimverylittle,inhopesthathereturned
thatsimplefavor.Iwascertainhe’dneverbeenconvictedforhiscrime.YetIhopedheknewIwasn’t
onetoratanyoneout,becauseIhadn’t.Ionlywantedtobeleftalone.Well...atleastbyhim.

“Kash!Kash!”Knox’scallgrewlouder.Ihadn’tevenrealizedhe’dcomeout.Fornow,fromthe

cornerofmyeyes,heappearedtopaceinandoutofthefoyer.“Didyouseeanyone?”

Iexhaled.Bendingmyelbows,myfingersinstinctivelywrappedagainstthesidesofmyhead.I

blinkedmyeyesclosed,imaginingtheviolator.Ireplayedtheimageoftheguy,asVan’sprofile
settledinmymind.Can’tsayitwashim.Couldn’thavebeenAxeleither.Butwho,ifnotthem?

Knox’spalmslandedonmyshoulders.Thethrowhadfallenaroundmylowerbody.Mynipples

pokedout,notwithdesire,butfear.

IheardKnoxspeaking,formingwhatmight’vebeensentences,butitwasforeign.Thewordsran

togetherandmadeverylittlesenseuntilheshookme.

“Kash...Kasha.”Hepulledmetohischest.He’donlymanagedtothrowonhisgrayboxerbriefs,

otherwise,hewaslikebefore.Lipspassedalongmyforehead,mylips,evenmyfingersandpalms.
Hemumbledpromisestoprotectme,likeheknewofmydemons.

Hedidn’t,andcouldn’teverknow.

~

Knox

~

Practicallyeverylastveininmyheadpulsated.Thethrobbingonlygrewworseandworse.IfKasha
hadbeenhurt,there’snotellingwhatIwould’vedone.Shewaseverythingtome.Hell,hersafety
shiftedtothetopoftheline.Shecriednonstop.Hertearssoakedupmychest,myarms.I’dgottenher
tostandup,butshewouldn’tletmetakeherintothebedroom.Weneededtodosomething,anything
tofixthis.

“YouknowIcan’twaitaroundlikethis,right?”Ikeptthewordslowandspacedout.Thisshitwas

abouttosendmeintoamindsetIhadn’tknownsinceIwasateenager.Iwantedtohugher.Myarms
neededtobearoundher.Mylipsdesiredtobepressedovereveryinchofherbody.Butfirst,Ihadto
handlethisviolation.

“What...the...hell?”Inthemidstofthesobbing,shespokewithlongpauses.Theeffects

providedsharpjabstomyheart.

“I’llfixit,”Ipromised.Shehadtoknow,likeIdid.Thiswasn’tsomerandomthing.Kashahadn’t

everscrewedoveranothersoul,soIknewthishadtobeonme.Iwastheassholeresponsiblefor
violatinghersafety,evenwhenIhadn’tdonethedamage.

Damn!
Ineededtobeofsoundmind.Flippingoutwasnotanoption,evenassheshrankintomywide

grip.She’dalreadysoakedupmychestwithhersobs.Iknewtobepatientwithherandthesituation.
Inthemeantime,Iplannedforlaterthisday.Angercouldn’tcontrolme.Kashadidn’tdeservethat
man.Sheshouldn’thavetoseehimorbearoundhim.I’dspentthepastseveralyearsforgettingthat
bastardwhoreactedfirstandforemost.I’dseenenoughanddoneenoughtounderstandthe
importanceofremainingcalm.Shewasboundtofreakout,ifonlyIlostcontrol.SoIkissedher
somemoretosethermindatease.

Whensirensbrokeintothesilence,Ipulledawayandwhispered,“Kash,takeadeepbreath.

Breathe.”

Apparentlyoneoftheneighborshadcalledthepolicewhenthingsfirsthappened.Turnsout,a

largerockaboutthesizeofmini-boulderhadbeenused.Iknewtheone.She’dhadmepaintWelcome
onthefrontofit,thenplaceitonthetopstepatthefrontofthehouse.TheentiretophalfofKasha’s
doorhadbeenruined.Theonlypiecestohangonweretheedgings.

Whiletheyexaminedthedoorandsearchedforclues,we’dquicklygottendressed.Can’tsayI

wasn’tuncomfortablearoundthem.Oneinparticularthrewshadyglancesmyway.Whatthehell
couldIdo,besidesreturnhisshadybehavior?ThismanI’dbecomecoulddeal.HebetterbegladI
wasn’t‘theoneIusedtobe.

Thirtyminutespassed.
Wecreptuponanhour.
Foragoodchunkofthetime,theyobservedthehouse—everywherebutthedamndoor.Ipracticed

takinglong,calmingbreaths.Triednottoallowhisscrutinizingtoaffectme.Andwhentheydrilled
herwiththesamequestions,Ipacedthefloortokeepfromexploding.

“Isthereaproblem?”oneofthemasked.
“Yeah,Ibelieveso.”WhatIwantedtosaywouldgetmelockedup,soIheldontothedisdain.
Hesizedmeup,thenrefocusedonKasha.
Itriednottomakeitseemobvious.Icouldn’twaitforthepolicetoleaveout.Inoticedthe

shiftinessofmypupilswhenIsawmyreflectioninanearbymirrorandeventheshakinessofmy
hands.Itwasn’tthatIwasnervous,morelikepissed.Thiswasn’tacoincidence,norwasKasha
plaguedwithenemies.

“You’recertainyoudon’tknowwhomight’vedonethis?”
“Fourtimes.Doyouthinkheranswer ’sgonnachange?”Ibarked.
“Wegotajobtodo,”theoneshotoutatme.
“Allyou’vedoneistaketurnsrepeatingthesamebullshitquestion.”
“That’senoughoutofyou,”hereplied,movingatmelikehewantedtotakemedown.
Ifitweren’tforKashathrowingherbodytomychest,trailingthetipsofherfingersalongmy

collarbone,andblowingatenderpleato“staycalm”uptomylips,myassmight’vebeenlaidouton
thefloor.Myangerrevolvedaroundher;whatcould’vebeenasignificantharmtoher.AndIwasthe
jackassthatputherinharm’sway.She’dbeensuckeredintomydrama.ButIcouldn’tandwouldn’t
everwanttowalkaway.Ionlyneededthemgone.Now!

Butastheinquisitiveonekeptpeeringatme,Ididn’tlookaway.Iforcedmyselftomaintaineye

contact.Honestly,wasIsupposedtotellthemabouttheevening?Shit,Icouldn’tincriminateErika,
notafterwhatI’ddone,eventhoughshewassuspectnumberone.Thiswasmycasetohandle.

“Onelasttime,”theotheronecontinued.
Therewasatimeinlife,whenIwasmuchyoungerandfearless,whenIwould’vegivenofficer-in-

the-facearunforhismoney.Butinsteadoftakingthatchancewithmypast,Iforcedoutallofthe
hurtfulmemories.Butnow,Icouldn’thelpbutfeellikeI’ddonesomethingremarkableinlifetohave
gottenKasha.Irefusedtoscrewthingsup.

“Therewasaguy—”Kashamumbled.
“I’mgonnaneedyoutospeakup,ma’am.”TheshortestofficersteppedinfrontofKasha.His

complexionwaspastywhite,setoffbyathin,almostinvisiblefrown,exceptfortheharshlinesatthe
sides.

“Givehersomeroomtothink,”Isaid,andyankedheraway.
“Well,howarewesupposedtoinvestigateifshedoesn’t?”Theshorterfollowed.Notonlywashe

anin-the-facetypeofbastard,theguyworeanincrediblyuncomfortablestarethatcouldbe
consideredashisbestintimidationtactic.“We’renotleavingwithoutfulldisclosure.”

I’dhadenough.Wewerebeingtreatedlikecriminals.Thedark,uglychemistrybetweenthisjoker

andmyselfshouldhavenothingtodowithhimdoingthejobhewaspaidtodo.IadjustedKasha
behindmetofinalizethings.“Thisisbull.Someonethrowsabig-assrockintoherhouseandyou’re
harassingher?”

“You’reaminuteawayfrom—”
“Fromwhat?”Itookasteptowardthemandraisedmyhandsinsurrender.TheycouldseeIwasn’t

athreat.Myonlyclotheswereateeshirtandboxers;nothingmore,nothingless.“Seemslikeyou’re
inthehabitofintimidatingpeoplethatdon’tknowanybetter.”Isteppedaroundslowly.

“Punkslikeyoudonothingforme.”Thecopreachedintohispocket,pulledoutacardand

motioneduptohispartner.WhilestilllookingatKasha,heknittedhisbrowthenstated,“I’msure
you’llbeintouch.”Theyturnedandexitedthroughthefragmentsofbrokenglassandoutthefront
door.

BythetimeKashareturnedfromthebathroom,whereshe’dgonetowashherface.Shecameout

withanoversized,plushpinktowelsecuredfromarmpitstoknees.Herhairwasdrippingwet,while
herfingerstrembled.Shechewedonherbottomlip.ButwhenItriedtotalkwithher,Ibarelygota
grunt.Isawthewheelsturning.Shelookedtothewall,thefloor,theceiling,andevenoutintothe

morningsunlight.Awedgeofseparationrestedbetweenus.

“I’msorry.I’llfixthis.”Ifnothingelse,Ihadmyword.Thiswasmorethanapromise.“Iswear.”
Shedippedfurtherfromme,leavingawide,emptygrasp.“Knox,didthathavetodowithErika?”

Kasha’svoicecrackedwhenshereachedthenameshewasn’tinthehabitofspeakingoutloud.

“Kash,letmedealwiththis.”
“Imadeabadchoice.Thiswasamis—”
BeforeKashacouldfinish,Igrabbedherwithbothhands.Thetoweldriftedtotheground.
“I’mnotlettinggo,”Ibitout.Wegazedintentlytooneanother.Kasha’schestroseanddipped.Her

lipsparted,whilehereyelidsbatted.

“Wecan’tdothis.Youneedtoleaveandforgetwewereeverfriends.”Sheswallowed.“Iwon’t

botheryouagain.Ipromise.”

“That’snotanoption.Howcanyouexpectmetojustleave?No.No.”Iwasn’tpreparedtoargue,

norwouldIappeaseher.EvenwhenKashatossedherheadfromsidetoside,Icapturedhercheeks.
“It’smeandyou,Kash,”Imoanedagainstherlips.

BeforeIsaidanotherword,Kashabegankissingmyface.Iliftedherintomyarms,thenturnedfor

thebed.

Thesheetsremainedtossedfromearlier,butIlayherontop.Withherbackpressedintothe

mattress,Islowlygotontomykneesandcommencedtospreadherwide.

Mylipspassedalongherinnerthighs.Ireachedup,betweenherlegsandforthetreasureawaiting

justforme.Iplacedaflurryofkissestheentirewayup.

“Knox.”Herwordswereintroducedalongwithtearsandwildpassion.Shetuggedatmyhair,at

myears,atanythingshecouldreach.WhileKasha’sbodylistenedtotherelentlessordersofmy
tonguemovinginandoutsideofher.IassaultedhertheonlywayIknewhow,withloveandapassion
reservedfortheone.Mycorebecameovertakenbyanelectricforcecontrolledonlybythegirlthat
couldlovemeintosubmission.Ireturnedthelove.Notanyonebefore,especiallynottheoneI’d
promisedtomarry,wascapableofgettingmyall.NorwasIwillingtotakeitall,withtheexception
ofKashaDavies.Mymentaltiradesonlyincreasedtheurgencyofthislove.Ilovedhercries,loved
herfightandlovedthewayherjuicesflowedwhenIforcedhertorelease.

“I.Love.You,”Imumbledtoherclit.Itwasjusttherightpressure,beingappliedinjusttheright

waytokeepherweakandundertheinfluenceoflust.

Kashalaidtheremotionlesswithherslenderthighsthrownovermyshoulders.Thewallspulsated

allaroundus,similartothemovementofherinnerthigh.Ablanketoflovefelldownuponus.

“Ineedtogoontheroad.Let’sgetyoudressed.”
“Letmesleep,please?”shecriedout.
“Areyoucrazy?DoyouthinkI’mleavingyouherebyyourself?”Isatupimmediately.
“Knox,I’mtired.”
Afterpickingupherbodyonlytoplaceherdownonthetopportionofthebed,closetothe

pillows,IstudiedthetinyframeofthewomanIadored.Nofrickin’way.Icouldn’tfathomleavingher
alone.Ishookmyhead.Shelickedherlips,tuckingbeneaththesheets.

“Teagancanstaywithme,”shespokeinasleepytone.
“Callher.”Ididn’treallyknowTeagan’squalificationsenoughtoputmytrustinher,butreasoned

thatsomeoneneededtobetherewithKasha.AndthoughIcouldtakeheralongwithme,the
upcomingbattlewithErikamightnotbeidealforKashaeither.SoItookherphonefromtheend
table.

Sheslowlytookitandslidherthumbacrossthescreen.Sheonlymanagedtowhisperintotheline

enoughtoletTeaganknowthebasics.Thatincludedsharingthetidbitaboutme.

Iletherfallasleepfromthere.Theentiretime,mymindflushedoverwiththingsIcouldneversay

outloud,atleastnottoKasha.IwaiteduntilwereceivedconfirmationthatTeaganwasclose.Kash
wokerightupwhenIgotreadytoheadout.Ikeptcalmforthemostpart,butrippedoutofthatplace
whenshewasoutofsight.

Iultimatelyhadtoshiftfocus.AlthoughI’doriginallyfeltlikeshitovertheincident,thebullthat

Erikapulledearlierquicklyhelpedtoerasethings.Therewasnoquestionastowhowastheculprit.I
slidbehindthewheeltheninhaledandexhaleddeeply.Thatwouldn’tdojacktoeasethetension,butI
mighthavegoneballistic.Redirectingtheenergyhadtobeagoodthing.Right?OrshouldIjustletit
go?

No,IneededtoremaincalminordertoconfrontErika.Inlessthanayear,we’dcomefar.She’d

donenothingbutreintroducedramaintomylife.TheobligationIoncefeltforherhaddriedrightup.
Nomore.Iknockedthehandleofthewheel.Hellno.I’dgivenuponarelationship,underthedisguise
ofafriendship,withKashatobethesaviortoanotherwoman.I’dconvincedmyselfthatErikaneeded
meandIneededher;wheninfact,wehadnorighttobetogether.

~

Kasha

~

“I’mokay.”IposedforTea,givingahealthyview.
Inusualfashion,shegaveablanktypeofstarewithanexaggeratedsmirk.Irespondedwitha

shrug.

“Letmegetthisstraight,youfinallyscrewedKnoxandthiscraphappened.Totopthingsoff,all

youcansayisI’mokay?”Tealeanedinthroughthejaggedholejustslightly.“Doweneedtosearch
outthepersonthatchosetodounscheduledrenovationsonyourhouse?”

Thisgavemelife.Icouldbarelyholdthelaughter.FromtheminutethishappenedI’dwantedto

callher,evenbeforeKnoxmadethesuggestion.ButhowwasIsupposedtosneakthatin?Heknew
zipaboutVanormypastlife.Theonlyoneswhoknewevenaportionofmytrialsandwerestilla
partofmewereTeaandmymother,whohadmostlikelyjourneyedtooblivion.I’dalreadygiven
muchthoughtbeforeKnoxmademecall.Iknewshewasn’ttooclosewhenshe’dinitiallysaidso.Tea
neverdidexactlyasshewastold.Inthiscaseespecially,therewasno“I’llberightthere”.Thesunhad
comeup,soIdidn’tmind.Therewasnowaythebastardwouldreturnsosooneither.

“Iwannacheckthebackofthehouse,”shecalled,preparingtoheaddownthefrontstairs.
“Getinhereandstopbeingoverlydramatic.”Overlydramaticwasanunderstatement.Infact,I

don’tthinkI’devergottenoverthewayshe’drescuedmefromVan.Shegavelifetoeverything,
includingmysimpleexistence.ThecombinationofherandKnoxbroughtsecuritytomyworld.I
wouldevengoasfarassayinghope.

Knoxhadleftouttogo“dealwiththings”,andactually,Iwelcomedhertrashtalkingsass.Now

wasn’tthetimetosmile;still,onespreadovermyface.Andforjustthatmoment,Ididn’tconsiderthe
factthatonthenightIgotbusywiththeguyI’dsecretlywantedforsolong,mypastmight’ve
reappearedinamajorway.YethereIwas,smiling...laughingbecauseofmyfaithfulbestie.Ioften
wonderedif,infact,Teagan’spurposeinlifewastoforcemetoletgoofthesmallthings.

Teatiptoedoverthethreshold,overpoweringtheroominbrightpinkVSsweatsandawhiteV-

neckwithpinklettering.Shecarriedamatchingclothbagandscuttledthroughinwhitepush-toe
sandals.ThiswasTeaganBoone,everyday,allday.Shehadthisremarkableabilitytocatchthe
attentionofmost,whethergoodorbad.

“Anyleads?”Teasteppedthroughtheopen-spaceddesignofthehome.Hersandalstappedalong

withthemovements,causingahollowechototravelintotheair.Witheachstep,shepausedand
studiedme,clickinghertonguetotheroofofhermouth.

“ImadeitcleartoKnoxthatIdidn’tknowwhodidthis,”Iofferedup.I’dalreadywarnedherin

ourownlittle,elusiveway.Iwantedhimtobelieveitwasarandomthing.IwishedTeawouldfeelthe
same.Nooneandnothingneededthismuchpoweroverourmindsandactuality.Butevenifthetwo
peopleclosesttomebelievedinmyhopeofarandomoccurrence,Iwouldknowbetter.“Random?”I
whined.

“Yeah,randommyass,”Teaganteasedinalessthanlightheartedmanner,appearingtohavehad

thesameflashbackasherfriend.“Idon’tbelievethatdouchebagfromFloridawaitedfiveyearsto
trackyoudownandthrowafrickin’rockinyourwindow,onlytoleave.”

“Iknow,you’reright.Itwasahugeguy,onabike.Hehadsomeoneshortaccompanyinghim,

maybesomechick—”

“Erika!”

“Wedon’tknowthat.”
“Iknowyou’renotstupid,Kash.Andmuchasyouwantthistonotbethecase,Knox’schickis

psycho.”

“Wouldn’tyoudothesamething?Seriously,Teagan,Iscrewedherman.”
“Technically,hewasyoursfirst.Youwerejusttoostupidtoacceptthatmajorfact.”
“Arghhh!”
“Scream.Curse.Pitchabitch.Idon’tcare.You’reperhapsoneofthemoststubbornpeopleI

know.”Teagan’scheeksturnedrosyred.Hergrayirisesswirledwithsmoke.Sheforcedmetolook
intohereyesbyremaininginmypath.Thiswasn’tadebate,asfarasmybestfriendwasconcerned.

Iwasnotinthemoodtoargue,soIshiftedaroundher.Ithengatheredupmyhairfrommid-way

downmyback,makingaquickswoopintoaloosebun.Neitherofusspokeagainjustyet.Iledthe
way;shefollowed.Wewalkedintothekitchen,tothetable.Teapulledoutachairandquicklyplopped
down.Shedroppedheroverloadedpurseonakitchenstool.Herhairwasperfectlydyedblondeand
alsopulledintoalooseponytail.Andwithoutasmidgenofmakeup,Teawasthefriendthatmany
envied,thoughfewunderstood.

Beinghernormallyexuberantself,sheexhaled.WhenIdidn’treply,shedemanded,“Theonly

wayyoucankeepmequietistofeedme.”Teasmirked.Shefoldedonearmovertheother.

“TheonlyreasonI’mputtingupwithyoutodayisbecauseIneedthisdistraction.”Ihidthe

emotions—nothingtoohighpitchedanddefinitelynothingtoolow.Istartedopeningcabinetdoors,
searchingthroughthefreezerandreadyingthings.“Friends,whoneedsthem?”Imumbledoutloud,
buttomyself,

“Youdo,chick.Anyway,youandKnox?”Iknewitwouldonlybeamatteroftimebeforeshewent

there.

Inodded,andjustaboutjoked.
“And?”Sheproppedupherelbowsonthetable.Iglaredather;hereyesreflectedmyown.
“Whatdoyouexpectmetosay?”Istompedtothemiddleofthekitchen.Myarmsfannedoutward

frommyhips.Tothispoint,myhearthadn’tstoppedpounding.Abreezepassedunderneathmytee
shirt,whilsttheareabetweenmylegsturnedtoputtyunderthecottonshorts.Inolongerwantedto
dwellonthetimewithKnox.

Hisskin.
Hishair.
Hisstrokes.
Histongue.
Hiseverything.
Therewereimportantmatterstotackle,yetmynightandsubsequentmorninggavemelife.But

Teawouldneverletmegetawaywithnotgivingupthedetails.

“Partofmeisproud,whiletheotherpartispissedashell,”sheconfessed.
“Proud?”
“Hellyeah!Youclaimedwhatyouwanted.Ijusthopeyouwerethebestdamnhoeyoucouldbe.”
“You’refrickin’kiddingme,right?”Iwasreadytothrowmyselfonthecoldtilefloor,rollaround

andhollerovertheinsanitycomingfrommyfriend’smouth.

“WhywouldI?”Inthemidstofhermadness,shekeptastraightface;nottheslightesthintof

shame.Justabland,straightlineforlips,withoutthehintofcurvesforasmileordipforafrown.

“Girlfriend,I’mnotplayingtheselittlegirlgameswithyou.I’mlivingthroughyou.”
“Me,TeaganBoone?”

“Yesyou,KashaDavies.I’vebeenonadroughtforabouteighteenmonths,sinceIleftDaniel.”
“ThengetanotherDanielorTomorwhoeverthehellyouwant,butyouneedtogivemethe

scoop,pleaseandthankyou.”Anyamountofstressthathadremainedwhiskedaway.Alowgiggle
escapedmylips,burstingintohystericallaughter.

Teabitherlipsshutforaslongaspossible,untilshecouldholditnolonger.Wefilledtheroom

withasoundthathadbeenlostforwhatseemedlikeages.

“It’sgettinglate.Ineedtorunouttothestore.Canyouwaitforthecontractor,Tea?”Ispunin

circles,notevensureofwhatwasneeded.

“No,youstay.I’llgo.”Teagrabbedherpurseenroutetothedoor.Icouldn’tevenobjectbeforea

textcamethroughrequestingalistofitems.

Isatstillwithmythoughts.Theywerestrong,powerful,butthedeafeningsilenceof8:30a.m.ona

Saturdaymorninggavemeasinkingfeeling.Beingallalonewasanormalthingforme,yettheearly
morningeventsnowmademerealizethiswasn’tsomethingIdesiredatall.Sayingasmuchinabrief
texttoKnox,Iheldthephoneinthepalmofmyhandthenwrappedmyfingersaroundthedevice.My
foreheadpressedontomyarmasIawaitedhisreply.

Somethingcaughtmyattention.Ashufflingsoundfrombeyondthebackdoorgrewnearer.I

froze,andthenlookeduptoseeatall,shadowyfiguretryingtopeerthroughthewindow.Luckily,
sunlightdidn’tfilterintothekitchenwellenoughtoexposemesittingthere.Moreover,thecurtain
wastooopaqueforhimtoseethrough.Doubtrippedawayatmyinsides.Mymindrevisitedthe
wordsI’dusedtwoyearsagotoconvinceKnoxthatIdidn’tneedreinforcedglass.Nowdippingmy
head,Imouthedasilentthankyouthathehadn’tlistened.Butthenthedoorhandleshook.

Fromthefrontofthehouse,Teacalledout,“Kash,whyaren’tyou—”
Imouthedaquickshutup,swattinginherdirection.SinceTeagan’swordshadbeenofferedfrom

agoodenoughdistanceaway,thepotentialthreatlingeredontheoppositesideofthedoor.Iwaved
towardthebackdoorwithmyrightpointerandheldupmyleftpalm.Theroomalmostseemedto
swallowmeupasItriedtosteadymyracingheart.Thiswasadifficulttask,especiallysincethehouse
hadalreadybeeninvadeduponearlierthatday.

Teaappearedatmyside,withapotinhand.WhereasIpreferredtoreasonthroughmost

situations,Teathrivedinsurvivalmode.Shecameintomylifeasavior,sothetitleremainedhersfor
alleternity.Icouldn’thelpbutstareatherinamazement,untilsheforciblypulledmeupfromtheseat
andheldmebehindher.

“But—”
Teaswattedawaymywords.Astherealizationofthesituationfelldownonme,Ifelttheneedto

runoutofthehousetoasaferlocation.Anywhere,justnotinthishouseanymore.Ididn’tknowwho
thisstrangerwas,anddidn’tcaretobeinhisway.WhetherthishadtodowithErikaorVan,Ihadno
desiretowaitaround.Butmyboldfriendwasthelasttoconcedesoeasily.

Thedoorwaskickedopen.Wehadn’tbeenabletoreadyourselvesforitbecausethenoiseand

entrancehappenedsimultaneously.Sunshinefloodedtheroomalongwithacool,staleair.The
intruder ’sheightextendedtothetopofthedoorway,andheevenhadtoducklowwhenrushingin.I
wasdumbfounded,flushedoverbyterrorandshock.Iwantedtorun,tofight,toscreamanddo
anythingpossibletoreclaimwhatwasmine.ButIcouldn’t.Whencircumstancesarise,wenevertruly
knowhowtheywillplayout.Ijustfolded.

“Whothehell—”Teabeganbeforeswingingthepotwildlyattheguy.Thefirstattemptbreezed

pasthimasshe’dbarelytried,thenshestretchedoutalegandconnectedwithhisgroin.

Ifrozeinplace,rightontheinsideofthepathleadingtothehallway.Itrembled.Mymindsaidone

thing,yetmybodydidn’treact.NotonlywasIstunnedbythefierceactionsTeausedtotakehim
down,Iwassuddenlyovertakenwithmyownboutofanger.Thoughinitiallyfrozeninplace,when
themangrippedontothetopofTea’shair,Ileaptathim.Iplummetedintohisgutheadon,the
pungentscentofgasolineswarmingaroundme.HisfingerslosttheirholdonTea,andtogetherwe
punched,andscratched,andkickedass.Thistime,Teagandidn’tsaveme.Thistime,weworkedasa
teamtotakedownthegiant.

~

Knox

~

Fromtheoutsideofthehouse,acold,chillyairswarmedouttorunalloverme.Iwasbeyondangry,
beyondmad,andbeyondpissedoff.Itwasonethingtomanipulateme,butKashashouldhavenopart
inthis.Whatwas,isandwillbe,revolvedaroundthesituationErikaandIhadcreated.Tothinkthat
shewouldcomeatsomeonethatmeanttheworldtome,setmeinazone.Myinsideswereragingpits
ofhellthatwerereadytoblastoutandburnanyonebraveenoughtocrossmypath.Iblamedmyself;
thoughtherewasmorethanenoughblametogoaround.

“Erika!”Myvocalspulsedagainstmythroat.Mysensesputmeinafunkymood.Therewasn’tan

ounceoflightflowingin.Iblinkedandsquintedtoadjust.“Erika,getdownhere.”Thewordsechoed
backtome.AlightpulsationcreptalongmytempleswhenIwalkedthroughthefirstroom,then
headedupthestairstothebedrooms.

Shehadtobehere,waitingformetocomehome.Besides,theMalibuwasparkedoutside.Ina

shortperiodoftime,Erikahadmademeapartofherlife.Inturn,I’dopenedupmydamnworldfor
hertocapture.

“Answerme,”Icalledout,alittlelessangry.Herfloweryscentsmackedmeintheface.Itwasn’ta

lingeringone,yetaverypresentaura.Shewashere,hadtobe,justwaitingformetocomeather.
Afterstompingfromoneroomtothenextonthefirstfloor,Iclimbedthestaircase.Asmyfeet
touchedthetopflight,Iheardmovement.Themasterbedroomwaspositionedupfront,withtheguest
roomintheback.Itookthewide,monster-likesteps.Forhavingworkedsohardforthis,thepressure
pulsedinandthroughoutme.Pushingopenthedoorthathadonlybeenslightlyset,Ifoundhersitting
Indianstyleinthecenterofthebed.

WhileIgotreadytotossoutthewords,herreplycameatmehard.“What?”Bold,widepupils

searchedmeout.Long,dried-upstreakstraileddowneachsideofherface.Thelightswereoff,but
she’dadjustedtheblindsjustenoughformetoseethefrownlinesetchedacrossherforehead.I
wasn’tacold,insensitivebastard.IcaredaboutherenoughtoadmitIfeltbad.Seeingherhurttugged
atmyheart.IrecognizedthattheonlywayI’dbeabletochangethingswouldbetoforgetKasha.I
coulddoanythingbutthat.

Erika’schestshook.Herstrugglewasvisiblypainful,withfreshtearsracingdown.Shemadetight

fists.AndIcouldimaginehowbadlyshemust’vewantedtobeattheshitoutofme.

“Youweresupposedto...”Itbrokemyheartwhenthewordsgotcaughtupinherthroat.Quick,

deepbreathrushedthroughandthrough.“Youpromisedtotakecareofme.”

“Erika,Ididn’tmeanforthingstoendupthisway.”Iwasn’trunninggameonher,norwasItrying

tolessentheeffectsofwhatI’ddone.

“You’reanasshole!”
“Twothings.”Ihelduptwofingersandmovedclosertothebed.Yes,I’dhurther,butwehadmore

todiscussthanthemoveImadelastnight.SheviolatedKasha.

“Youleftherelastnight.Youspentthefuckingnightout.”Erikapausedandexhaledbefore

continuingon.“Oneepicfuck-uponyourpart!”Shestood,thenapproachedmelikeIwasherprey,
withaslow,beastlyexecution.Butme,turnandrun?Notnearly.I’dsacrificedmylifetomakeher
happy.Imaginethat,astrangerI’dbarelyknownatthetime.

Thethrobbinginmyheadwasinsistent.Myemotionshadtheeffectofstrippingawaytheanger

andexposingthevulnerabilities.Ifeltlikeshitoverthelevelofdistresssheshowed,buttherewas

moretothisdiscussionthanmyinfidelity.

“Ididn’tmean—”
“Butyoudid!”Withlessthanafootnowbetweenus,Erikaleaptatme.Herfistscrashedintomy

chest.“Ihateyou!”

ThemoreItriedtosettleherbygraspingforherhands,thequickershemoved.Therewasnoway

Iwouldmanhandleher,soIdidn’tpushorbecomeforceful.Shehadeveryrighttobeangryandlash
out.Thiswasnormal.Theotherstuff,notsomuch.Butthis,thisIwelcomedasapunishment.After
sheslappedandkickedandtriedtobite,shefellintomyarms.Iheldherthere,close.

“Erika,”Isaidinagentletone.“I’mwrong.I’mthefirsttoadmitit,butyou—”
“Me?”Sheshovedatmychest,onlytotakeonelargestepbackwards.“Me?”Withbentelbows,she

thumpedonherchest.“I’mfarfrombeingnaiveenoughforyoutoturnthisshitaroundonme.”

“Itakeresponsibilityforspendingthenightout,butthat’soffthesubjectfornow.”ThistimeI

approachedher.Thiswasn’tamatterofarguingorfighting.“I’msorryforhurtingyou,butthatshit
youpulledthismorning...”

Thewords,thedeclaration,thepotentialquestionhungintheair,clingingbetweenthetwoofus.I

wantedtomovepasttheshittystuff,straighttothemeatoftheproblem.IfIcouldtrulygethertosee
whereourrelationshipmight’vebeenheading,basedonhowwe’dcometogether,justmaybeIcould
makethingsbetter.Isearchedoutunderstanding.Iheldouthope.Iwilledhertobereasonablewith
me.Myeyelidsdriftedshut.IfonlyIhadn’tletthingsgetthisfar.Withherwithinarm’sreach,we
werecloseenoughtocomforteachotherforhowwe’dbothallowedthisthingcalled“us”tospiral
outofcontrol.

“Please,Erika.”Isoughtoutsomething,anythingtoletmeknowshedoubtedwhatwebothknew

tobeunrealistic.

Nothingclosetotenderness.Nothingclosetohumility.
Thegirlwho’dbeenbrokenonlyminutesearliernowworeaplasticstare.Witharmshangingat

hersides,herlipsformedathinlinethatranfromoneofhercheekstotheother.Ourgazes
connectedinadaringhold.Hereyeswerewide,boldeven;whileIsquinted.

“Imessedup.”Iwasn’tthetypeofmantoavoidowninguptohisshit.Responsibilitywasperhaps

oneofthefirstadultlessonsI’dlearned.“Icareaboutyou,Erika,butI’vebeeninlovewithKasha
fromtheminuteImether.”Insteadofmakinganefforttojustifythingsoneway,Itriedapproaching
thingsinadifferentway.Shefoughtmeandwasangry,butIstillneededtoaddresstheepisodeat
Kasha’shouse.Althoughitburnedmetosetherstraight,asvividimagesofKasha’sterrorplayed
throughmymind,Ihopedthatinfirstlayingoutmyissuesandtakingblame,we’dbeabletowork
outwhatwaswrong.“Idocareaboutyou,honestly.”

“Youcareaboutme?”Erikamumbled,turningawaytostrolltowardthewindow.“Youloveher?”

Thewordsdeepened.

“Yes.”Iknewitwasacoldwaytorespond.Shit,believingthatIcouldfitErikaintomylifewasa

dumb-assmistaketobeginwith.NowIhadtofixthissituationinordertogetonwiththings.The
personwhohadalwaysbeen,butwhowassteadilybecomingthemostimportantpersoninmylife
wastakingshitovermyscrewup.

“Wheredoesthisleaveus?”Erika’sfingerspassedoverthetopofherhair,almostlikeshewas

forcingmywordsintohermind.

“Honestly,wouldyouwanttomarryamanthat’sinlovewithanothergirl?”
Sheturned,Ifollowed.Erikaneededtounderstandthiswasveryrealforme.Hurtingherwas

inevitable.ButIwouldn’tshyaway;Ihadtomakeitstick.“Ifeellikeshitoverthis.”

“Youareshit.”Erikawalkedfromthewindow.
Theinsultprovidedmyintotherestofourconversation.“Icanacceptthat,butontowhatyou

did.”

“Unlikeyou,Knox,I’mnotowninguptoshit.Ididnothing.”Erikasteppedpastmewithherhead

straightahead.

“Evenifyoudidn’tdothedeed,you’rethemastermindbehindit.Don’ttrytounderestimatemy

reasoningskills.”

“Never,mylove.”Erikalookedbackandwinked.
Ifollowedherfromtheguestbedroom.BythetimeIwalkedintotheroomweshared,Erikahad

removedmyoversizedwhiteteeshirt.Itspreadoutonthecarpet.Shenowworealargesmile,bright
glareandpointednipples.

“Getdressed.Weneedto—”
“DoyouthinkI’mlettingyougo,KnoxJackson?”Erikadroppedtoherkneesinfrontofme.
Lessthanthirtyminutesago,Ihadswornanundyinglovetomyfriend.SowhydidInowfeelan

achingdesireasmymanhoodflexedbeneathmyclothes?Onanyday,Icouldn’tconvincehimself
thatErikawasn’tdesirable.Shewasagoddessfromheadtotoe.AndalthoughIwantedanythingbut,
whenherfingersunhookedmypants,Ididn’tstopher.Evenwhensheusedherteethtonibbleatmy
hard-onthroughtheboxers,myeyeslayshut.

“You’remine,”Erikaannouncedwithclearintentions.Shereachedintotheboxers.Herfingers

wrappedaroundmystiffness,cuddledit,claimeditasherown.

Iexhaled.Iknewwhatshewascapableof,especiallywiththoselipsandthatdamntonguedarting

outformyerection.“No,”Imumbled.

“Yes,”Erikareplied.“Yes...Yes...Yes.”
Itrembled,flushedwithasickeningcolor.
“Ummmm.”Heraffirmationsdidn’teaseupuntilshemanagedtosnakemyfleshbetweenherlips.

Shetooktocallingoutmyrelease,likeallwasforgiven;likepleasingmewashersolepurposein
life.

Butitwasn’t.
Myeyesshotopenwhenthetipofmycockhitupagainstthebackofherthroat.Kasha’sface

flashedbeforeme—hergentleeyes,succulentlips.Astingingforcetouchedatmyheart.

“Damn!”Ireclaimedwhatbelongedtome...toKasha.ItwastheonethingI’dpromisedherfor

hoursonend.Istakedclaimonherbody;shetreatedmineasherown.“Damn,”Irepeated.Howcould
Iallowmyselftogettrappedthisway?Ipulled,tuggedandfoughttogetdecentagain.

Decent,Imulledoverthesignificanceoftheword.Thefull-lengthmirrorhangingonthewall

onlymademeregretbeingintheskinIwasin.Thistime,thegloomyfeelofregretdidn’tonlyrest
onme.Iworethefaceofshame.

“Youspentthenightwithher,butIcould’vehadyouifI’dwantedto.”
IhadnointentionsofgivingintoErika,yetthosewordsandmyreactionputmeinamood.
Iswipedmyarmatherwords.Eventriedtoconvincemyselfthatnothingwould’vehappened,

thoughI’dallowedthingstogetthisfar.Inspiteofherdenial,Iknewwhatshe’ddone.Erikacame
fromadarkworldoflessthanupstandingindividuals.TheguyKashahadseenfitthebillforErika’s
oldcrew.Yeah,oldcrewwithanassholeforanex.

“Stayawayfromher.”Irefusedtomakeeyecontact.Myheadhunglowtomychest.“Youand

whoeverdidthatshittoherhouse.”Imovedslowlyupthehallwaythendownthestairs.Inthedistance
behindme,Iheardfuriouscackling.

“You’llbeback,Knox,”Erikaassuredme.Thewarningpunchedmeinthegut.Iwasasecond

awayfromdoublingover.That’swhathappenstoshittypeoplewhogetdrawnintocomplicated
situations.IlettheairflowfrommylipsandheardErika’swarningonceagain.Thistime,Iturnedto
seeherperchedatthetopofthestairs,stillcompletelynaked.“AndI’lldowhateverittakestoget
what’smeanttobemine.”

Ishookoffthewordsandpreparedtoshutthedoor.Herfeetpoundedtheentirewaydownthe

steps.Fromdirectlybehindme,Erikacontinuedwiththeinsanity.Thelastsetofwordsclunghard:
“You’vegottoomuchatstaketoeverletmego.”

Ipausedonthetopsteps.Thesentenceflashedthroughmymind.Thewordswereforeignfor

Erika,butcausedsharppaintoridedownmyneck.Partofmewascuriousenoughtoturnaroundand
askhertoexplain;whileanotherpartwantedtoforgetitaltogether.PerhapsI’dpursueitfurtherwhen
Icamebackforsomethings.Ididn’tknowforsure.Iwasnowherenearparanoid,butarealist.Those
words,thatthreathowever,heldsignificance.Fornow,Ineededtopullawayfromeverythingthathad
takenplacewithinthosewalls.Thiswasmyhouse,butErikahadnothingofherown.I’dtakenher
awayfromevery-andanythingsheonceknew.SoI,unfortunately,hadanobligationtolookoutfor
her.

That’sit.
IlovedKasha.“Yes,Kasha,”Iaffirmedoutloudoncebehindthewheel.
Justthen,thephonebuzzed.Ireachedformypocket.Empty.Alightflashedfromthefloorofthe

truckatthesametime.Beforemyfingerscouldreachit,thebuzzingended.

FivemissedcallsfromKasha.Coupledwiththenudgingupanddownmyneck,mystomach

churned.

“Kash?”Icalledintothelineoncethereturncallwasaccepted.
“Wherethehellareyou,dude?”Itwasn’thervoice.
“Whothehellareyouandwhere’sKasha?”
“Ifyoucaredsomuch,yourasswould’veansweredthephonesooner.”Thefemaleblewloudly

intotheline.“Look,it’sTeagan.Theassholecameback.Youneedtogetbackherenow,Knox.”

Ididn’tneedconvincing.Myattentionturnedtothisnewpursuit.

~

Kasha

~

“Wefoughthimoff!”Saltytearsdrippedintomymouth.OhmyGod,didIdosomethingwrong?
“Where’syourboyfriend?Washehere?”Thesamemidgetcopfromearliernowcorneredme.He

smirkedandleanedcloser.

“Yourbuddy’satotaljerk,”Teaspatoutattheotherone.
“TellmesomethingIdon’tknow,”theguyreplied,followedbyawink.
Ididn’tmisstheexchange,especiallywhenmybestiereturnedthewink.TakingholdofTea’s

elbow,Iledherawayfromtheguysinsidethekitchen.Ididn’tstopuntilwestoodjustatthefront
foyer.Theentirehousecontractedaroundme.Iwasoutofsyncandhellaoutofplace.Itnolonger
feltlikeIbelongedhere,orlikeitbelongedtome.

“Whatthehell,Kash?”Teascoldedloudenoughforthemtohear.Someonelaughed.I’dbet

anythingitwasn’ttheby-the-bookcop.

“You’renotseriouslyflirtingwiththatguy.Areyou,Tea?”Thebackofmyhandsflewuponmy

hips.Justlikeshewantedtoplaymyprotector,Iwantedtobehercommonsense.“Pleasetellme
you’renot.”

“Whynot?”Tearepliedmatteroffactly.Hereyesformedlargebowls,withwideeyelashesthat

flappedlikeallwaswellinLalaLand.

Ibitontheinsidesofmycheektokeepfromlaughinghard,frommakinganykindofnoise.
“Puhleeze,Kasha.Nowthatyoumentionit,he’snotbadlooking.”Shewinkedatmethistime,then

whispered,“Andit’sTeatime.”Sheswungforthekitchen,shakingherasswitheachstep.

LeaveituptoTeatoshakethingsup.Afterwhathadjusttakenplaceonlyminutesearlier,Iwas

beyondmortified.Wehadstruggledasifourliveshunginthebalance,whichtheyprettymuchhad.
Andforthesecondtimeinlessthantwenty-fourhours,anoseyneighborintervenedtosavemylife.

~~

Knox’struckhitthecornerjustasthecopcarstartedpullingaway.Theirvehiclesrolledbyeach
otherslowly.Theypaused.Wordswereexchangedandthentheyproceededasbefore.Teafollowed
metothecurb.

“Youdon’tthinkthishastodowithVan,right?”Iwhisperedclosertoherear.Ididn’tknowwhat

tomakeofthiswholething.Neitherofushadseentheintruderbeforenow.Iwasprettycertainhe
wasn’toneofVan’smen.Buthecameback,evenwithoutKnoxbeingthere.TeaandIkickedhisass,
buthestilldisappearedoutthedoor.Nodoubthe’dbeback.

“No,Idoubtit,Kash.Thisisn’tVan.Thishasyourboy’schick’snameonit.”Teastretchedher

handtowardhim.

TeastudiedKnox.Nowords,justahatefulglare.
We’dpackedupafewthingsasthecopswrappedthingsup.Thecontractorhadalsosetupa

makeshiftcoverforthedoor.He’dbebackatthebeginningofnextweek.Wecollectedmybagsfrom
thefoyerandcarriedthemdowntothefrontoftheyard.

Withtheexceptionofadistantglarefromthesun,thefrontyardcarriedasortofdarkness.The

surroundinghomesandinhabitantsalmostseemedtostandontheoutskirtsofmyownpersonal
world.IadvancedtoKnox,followedbyTea.Heembracedmewithsensualeyes.Itwasn’tthatwe
wereultra-sexualatthemoment,buteverythingseemedpotentbetweenus.

Teasnarledanddidacleverjobofpuffingupherself.“Nowyoushowup,”TeaaddressedKnox

beforeIcouldbegin.

“T—”hemumbledonlytobecutoffbymyfriend’shandreachingupintotheair.
“Knox,Idon’tknowwhatthehellisgoingonwithyouandthisnonsense,butIneedmyfriendto

beokay.”Teadrewthebagclosertoherchest,thenmovedstraightacrossthelawntostandinthe
driveway.“She’snotgettingcaughtupinanyoneelse’sdrama.”

“Idon’thaveanydrama.”
“Butthat’swhereyou’rewrong.Justbecauseyoudon’twanttoadmitit,doesn’tmeanitdoesn’t

exist.”BythispointTeahadreachedKnox.Shestoodrightinhispath.Hiseyesdriftedbeyondher,
intothedistanceandsetawayfromthispresentnonsense.“IknewyouandKashawouldfindeach
otherbeyondthestubbornness,Knox.Iknewyouweren’tabouttomarrysomeoneelse,butdon’tbe
mistaken,I’mnotgoingtoletyouputherindangereither.”

~

Knox

~

Iremainedoutsideofmytruckuntiltheyturnedthecorner.Kasha'sstareheldmineaslongas
possible.Theelectricityextendingfromthelookalonewasconfirmationofherneedforme.I
could'vechasedthemdown,rippedherfromthecarandrevisitedthenightbefore.Noonewill
changethateveragain,especiallynotme.ScrewTeagan,Erikaoranyoneelse.Iwouldlovehereven
ifitpainedme;I'dfightforher,evenifitkilledme.

Fornow,however,Icouldn'tallowmyselftostandbyandwaitforsomethingtohappen.Ipulled

thecellfrommypockettogetintouchwithRoryovertheintruderandmaybethrowmyenergyinto
ourcurrentlocalproject.

Iturnedthecornerandexhaledaboutthirtyminuteslater.Thelasthouseontheblockwasabeast

ofawreckwhenRoryhadledBashandmetothespotmonthsago.Hisvisionwasremarkable,and
wasprovenwiththisone.Notevenfromtheoutside,couldanyonehaveimaginedthetreasurewehad.
Atthetime,theonlybenefitIsawwasinthefactthatitresidedinacul-de-sac.Inowhadtoforce
myselftogetoutoftherideandwalkintothehouseI’dgottenusedtospendinghoursin.

Rorysquintedatmefromthecenterofthehouse,wherehe’dbeenpaintingtheceiling.Iignored

him,insteadsearchingforBash.

“WhenIdidn'thearfromyoulastnight,Iwasreadytocheckthepolicestationsforyourass,”

Rorygrunted.“Shit,Iwasn’tsureifIshouldrejoiceorworrythatyougotalifeoutsideofthis,bro.”

“Yeah,man.”Ishookmyheadandwalkedaway.Althougheachofushadnoproblemindoingour

part,Iwassupercharged,withanultra-humanabilitytoworknonstopfordays.Thishadbecomemy
sanity.MoreovertherewasareasonI'dcalledRorybeforehand;Ididn'tmakeahabitofsharingtoo
muchwithBash.Hewasajudgmentalbastardwhenhewantedtobe.

“That’sallyouhavetosay?Youhadthemostexcitementyou’vehadsince—”
“Enough,Rory!Damn!”Mywordsrangthroughoutthehouse.Wefacedeachother.Wewere

friends,yetforabriefsecond,webecameenemies.Iwasaggravated,frustratedandpissedover
Rory’sinabilitytoletthepastbeforgotten.

“Youthinkthatpretendingthepastneverhappenedisgoingtomakeiteasiertobear?”Wewere

onlyafewinchesapart,sowhenRorydrewcloserinproximity,theinevitableseemedontheverge.
Regardlessofhowlongwe’dbeenfriends,orhowmanytrialswe’denduredasbrothers,neitherof
uswereabovesteppingtotheother.Roryheldanadvantageinheightandreach,hecouldeasily
commandmostpeopleandsituationswithouttrying.IwasabeastinmorewaysthanIcaredtoadmit.
AndthoughIrespectedRory,Iwasn’teasilyintimidatedorbullied.

“Thiscrapiscounterproductive,”Bashtriedtointerject.He’denteredtheroomcautiously.While

hisstepswereslowandwithlittledistance,mymindranrapid.Witheveryword,compoundedby
everythought,intensifiedbybeinginthemidstofastandoff,Bash’spresenceonlypissedmeoff
further.

“Counterproductivemyass,”Roryblurtedout,asheflexedhisarms.“Ihitrockbottom.Youhit

rockbottom.Shit,Bashwasrighttherewithus.Wefuckingsurvivedthegutter.”

“YouthinkIdon’tknowthat?Everydamndaythatshitcrossesmymind,doesthatmeanI’m

lookingtoreliveit?”

Aboutofemptinesshungintheair.Notmuchspaceexistedbetweenthethreeofus.Andasmuch

steamchanneledoutfromRory,myfurywasreplicated.Itwasn’tjustthissituation,wecarriedaload

muchgreaterthanmany.

“Dude.”BashduginfirsttoRory,thenturnednexttome.“Dude.
Theonlyresponsetotravelamongstanyofuswastheragingbreaths.Ouremotions,ournerves,

andevenouractionswereonthevergeofanepicexplosion.

“I’vedancedaroundyoutwo,andthisbullshitforlongenough.”Bashrestedahandonour

shoulders.Neitheroneofusdidanythingmorethanflinch,justslightly.Thetensionstretched
throughoutthehome,squeezingalllifeandsanityfromRoryandme.

Wecollided.Wetossedandslammedeachotheraroundtheroom.Thenoisefromourscuffle

echoedthrougheverycornerofthehouse.IheardBash’svoiceinadeeptone,butweweretoofar
gonetolistentoanytypeofreasoning.TheonetimeBashdidtrytosqueezeinbetween,hewas
shovedofftotheside.Atonepoint,however,Ididcatchaglimpseofhimashestoodjustunderneath
thethresholdleadingfurtherbackintoashorthallway.Bash’sarmswerefoldedandhisbackrested
againstthewall.Hiseyesweresquinted,thoughhislipsturnedupattheveryedges.Thatbrief
distractionwasenoughtothrowmeofffromRory,andgetclobberedintheprocess.Oncesteadied
again,wewentontoexchangepunchafterpunchandkickafterkickuntilIthrewupmyhandsin
surrender.

“Enough!”Icalledthroughaheavygasp.
Itdidn’ttakemuchtostopRoryeither,asheleanedforward.Hispalmsheldfirmtohisthighs.
“Whatthehellisthis?”Ishouted,stillstrugglingtocatchmybreath.
“You’readouchebag,”Roryanswered,butturnedtopointatBashinsteadofme.
“You’returningthisonme?You’reanasshole,butyouwannablameme?”Bashmaintainedhis

distance.

“We’reaboutreadytokilleachother,butyoustandatthesidelinestowatch,”Rorydefended

himself.HewalkedstraighttoconfrontBashheadon.

“He’sgotapoint,”Ichimedin.
“Screwyouboth.I’vealwaysfeltliketheoddmanout.It’salwaysyourchoices,yourdecisions.

And-andyoustillnevertoldmehowwegotthemoneytobuyallthisshitandhousesandcars.”

Acoldchillraceddownmyback.Therewerecertainthingsweneverdiscussed,thingswenever

everthoughtabout.FormeandRory,ourfinancialwoeswereoneofthem.Bashmight’vebeenpart
ofourbrotherhood,butwehadnochoicethantokeephiminthedark.

“Getthehellouttahere,”Rorycommanded.Thiswasn’tjustsomethinghe’dthrownout.Hetruly

meantit.Iknewhimenoughtorealizehe’dhadhisfillwithBash.“We’rebrothers.Iftherewas
somethingyouneededtoknow,thenyourasswould’veknownit.EverythingIdoformyself,Idamn
welldoitforyoutoo.EverythingKnoxdoesforhimself,hedamnwelldoesitforustoo.Sowhatthe
hellareyoubitchingabout?”

“Man,I’mnotgonnaallowmyselftogetgangedup.I’mout.”Bashwalkoutofthedoorwithout

lookingback.Westaredafterhim.

Iwasthefirsttospeak.“He’sright,Rory.”
“There’snothingtoberightorwrongabout.Itjustis.”
“Allthistalkaboutthepast;nowyouwannaavoidit,Rory?”
Heshookhishead,thenwrappedhispalmsaroundamassofredhair.Rorycouldbealoose

cannonwhenhewantedtobe.Iknewmuchofwhohewas,butalsoIknewtherewasahelluvalot
more.Hetalkedthetalk,andforthemostpartwalkedthewalk.Butconsideringwhatwe’ddonetoget
here,Iunderstoodwhysomeonelikehimwouldshutdown.

~

Somuchflashedthroughmymind,buteverythingcenteredonKasha.Ifanythinghadhappenedto
her,Ican’tsayIwould'vebeenabletoremaincalm.Atthesametime,thisallpointedtomeandErika.
AsmuchasIcouldn'tstandRory'sbehaviorrightthen,ItrustedhimmorethanBash.

SinceErikahadgottenbackintouchwithherfamily,shehadallsortsoftwistedindividualsinher

life.ThisvendettashenowhadagainstKasha,ithadtoend,andwhoeverwasedgingheronneededto
getshutdownaswell.Ihadtoconfronthernow.Therewasnotellingwhatwouldhappenorifanyof
herfamilywouldbearound.Honestly,Ididn'tgiveashit.Itriedhernumber,onlytobesentto
voicemailaftertworings.

Thiswasgonnabealong-assday.Someonehadtoaddressthis.Yeah,IfeltlikeshitforErika

gettinghurt.I’mnotaheartlessbastard.Butdamn.Ineededtoapproachthisheadon,eventhoughthis
couldblowupinmyface.Iwouldbefine.IonlyhadtomakesureKashawouldbeaswell.SoIset
asidemyprideandtextedRoryKasha’snumber.Ididn'tattachanexplanation,sinceIwasn'tsure
myself.Ifanythingmajorwentdown,hehadtobeabletoprotectherforme.

Rightafter,Idecidedtoseekoutmyex-fiancé.
Erika’scarwasgone.ButBash’struckidledinthefront.Hewasstillinthedriver ’sseat,watching

asIturnedupthedriveway.WhenIparkedandgotout,hedidtoo.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iasked.Thiswasneverthenormforhim.Intheseveralyearssince

I’downedthehouse,Idon’tthinkhe’dcomeheremorethanfivetimes.

“Roryisoutofcontrol,”hebegan.IwasbeyondstunnedoverthelevelofhateBashshowed

againstourfriend,ourdamnbrother.“Hethinksthisshitisabouthim.Thatassholecan’tdoshitfor
me.”

Iunlockedthedoor.Bashforcedhiswayinrightbehindme.
“Whateverthehellisgoingonwithyou,I’mgonnaneedyoutocalmdown.”Ilefthimatthe

entrance,rightontheinsideofthedoor.“Don’tmove,I’llbeback.”SinceErikawasn’there,I
surveyedthehouse.Everythingwasexactlythesameasearlier.

Iheardthefrontdoorpull,thenshut.
Good,heneededtoleave.
Theplacejustdidn’thavethefeelingofbeingmineanymore.Whetheritwasthelevelofinsanity

travelingamongstthewalls,orthenegativeindividuals,Ifeltadisconnectfrommycastle.Going
downthestairs,IgruntedtoreceivevisualconfirmationthatBashhadleftandmovedtolockthe
door.

Aloudnoiserangthroughmyheadasmyhandrestedonthedoorknob.Thatalongwithabrutally

heavyforce.

~

Kasha

~

“Itcan’tbethisserious,Kash.Granted,youscrewedherman,butthere’sgottabemore,”Tea

brokethelongsilence.

Iliftedmyshoulderstoshrugheroff.Teahadn’tsaidanythingwrongorforeign.Gettingpissed

offoverKnoxwould’vebeenausualresponse.Sendingahitmanafterme,onethatreturnedfor
blood,wasastoryallinitself.Aftermybestfriend’sobviousremarks,Ihadnoresponse.Neitherof
usspokeagainuntilwereachedTeagan’stownhouse,somefifteenminutessouthinMiddletown.

“Hehasn’tcalled?”Tea’squestionwastingedwithanaccusatorytone.
“Idon’tknow.Iturneditoffrightafterweleftout.”Iknewwhatwasgoingthroughmyfriend’s

mind.Iknewherlongenoughandhadbeenprivytoherfaroffanticstoknowhermindwasracing.
SoIadded,“Knoxisn’tthatguy,Tea.”

“Whatguy,Kasha?”Withoutwaitingforareply,Teashutdownthecar,hoppedoutandpromptly

collectedthebagsfromthebackseat.“Heisn’twhatguy,Kash?You’retooinnocenttoknowthattype
ofguy.ThatshitinFlorida,”hervoicedippedlow,“don’tbelieveit’sthatsimple.Vanwasaworthless
ass.Youdon’tknowtrouble.”

“Andwhataboutyou,Teagan?”Ipitchedoutinaheightenedtoneasshehurriedbehindwhile

carryingtwotravelbags.“Youmight’vebeenwithafewassholes,butwhatdoyouknowotherwise?”

“DoyouthinkI’minDelawareforthescenery?Thatflakeychickisn’tmebyonedamnbit,

Kasha!Anditdamnsurebetternotbewhoyouplanonbeing.”Onceinside,Teadroppedtheluggage
she’dcarried,thenspuntoherfriend.“Sinceyouhavethisblindloyaltyforthisguy,fine.But
whateverhisgirl’sgotgoingon,Icanassureyouthatshe’snotdonewithhimandshe’ssureashell
notfinishedpursuingyourass.”

“Iwanthim,Tea.”Ihatedthedownplayedreferences,butknewtheywereperhapsfactual.
“Andyou’resurehe’snotjustupforsomeass?”
Eveninthemidstofserioustalk,Teastillhadtimetospewsilliness.Imadeeveryattempttokeep

astraightface,bitingmylipsshutandgettingcreepywithawide-eyedstare.

“Ineedyoutobegood,safe.”Thatquickly,shewentfromjokingaroundtocautious.Thiswas

her,andshewasmeanttobemysisterinthislife.Iwaswillingtotakeheranywayshecame
packaged.“Ican’t...”

“You’rebeyondsilly,butTeagan,youdon’thavetoexplainanythingtome.”
“IknowthatIdon’t,butsomedayIwill.”Tea’seyesglistenedwiththereply.
Ididn’tmissthatpart.Fromtimetotimeshe’dbarehersoultome;notoften,butenough.Ialways

pickeduponwhatsheconsistentlythrewout.Partofmedidn’twanttowaitforsomedaytocome,I
wantedtoknownow.Something,orperhapssomeone,hadhurtmyfriend.IwatchedTeamove
furtherintothehomewithregretcompilingwithin.Iremainedclosetothedoor,almostunwillingto
proceedthroughthisunbelievablytiresomedayanylonger.Icouldn’thelpbutwonderwhylifehadto
besocomplex.

Whydidtherehavetobeheartbreak?
Whydidgoodpeoplehavetogethurt?
Why,althoughitwentagainstwhatIprofessed,couldn’ttherottenonesjustremaintogether?Why

insteaddidtheyhavetocorrupttheworldwiththeirshenanigansandbullshit?

Feelingevenmorewornoutthanbefore,Irubbedthebackofmyhandatmycheeks.Itwasonlyas

IwenttoreachforthenextbagthatIrealizeditwasn’tonmyshoulder.Isteppedovertheoneswe’d
releasedinthemiddleoftheentrancehallway,whilepreparingtoexitthedoor.

“Tea,I’llbe—”
Thesameassholethathadcometomyplaceearlierreachedforme.Itwasn’tenoughthatwehad

foughthimoffbefore;henowhadtheupperhandashishandwentatmyneck.Hewasmaybesix-
five,withagripcapableofliftingmefromthefloor.Mylegsdangled.

Thecirculationhadalreadystartedtocut.Mybreathingslowed.Eventhedarknessseemedto

loom.Ipreparedtogiveinasasingleteardroprolleddownmycheek.ThenIthoughtaboutTeagan.
Itwasclearthatthismanwassettokillme.Butwhatwouldhedotomybestie?

DearGod!
Thisthoughtgavemereasontofight.
Iswungmyfeet,thoughtheywerenowhereclosetotouchingtheground.Iopenedmyeyeswide,

onlytostareintojetblackonesthatmust’vebeenownedbytheDevil.Thisguyscaredthecrapoutof
me.Betweentheheightandthepowerfulwayinwhichhetooktoendingmylife,hehadtobethe
mostterrifyingforceI’devercomeincontactwith.ButIwouldnotgivein.WhenIcouldn’tsecurea
gripofhisblackteeshirt,orevenlessenhisholdbyclawingathisfists,Iopenedmyarmstothe
sides.Ishookjustenough,witheverybitofthestrengthIhadremaining.Thisonlyhelpedhiscause,
ashepromptlyrushedmetoanearbywalltotheleft.

“Please,”Ibarelymanaged.
“Shooo,”herespondedashisbrashfingerstightenedaroundmyneck.
Myhandscontinuedwailingatthesidesuntil,inanunintendedmove,Ifeltthehallwaytable.I

raisedanarmjustenoughtoreachthelampthatI’dgivenTeaganasahousewarminggift.Imadea
quickyank,andbashedthesideoftheguy’sheadwithonewave.

Heinstantlysentmecrashingtotheground.Thoughmythroatburned,Irecognizedthefightwas

farfromover.Ikepthittingthestrange,tallintruderoverandagainuntilhefelltotheground.

He’dviolatedmyspaceandTea’s.He’dtouchedme.He’dforcedhimselfintomyspacewiththat

damnedgasolinescentthatwasboundtoremainwithmeeachandeverytimethisdaycametomind.

“Leavemealone!”Iscreamedaboutaminutelaterwhenthediscomforthadwornoffsomewhat.
“Kash,whatthehell’sgoingon?”Teacalledoutfrombehind.Iwaslostandcouldn’tstopmyself.

NeithercouldIstoptheteardropsthatwerelandingonanowweakguywhohadmeanttotakemeout.

“Teagan...”Icriedoutlow.
“How?What?”ForonceTeawasataloss.Thiswasneverher.Shealwaysknewhowtohandle

situations.Butthistime,Iturnedtocomfortheraswewaitedforthepolicetoarriveandclaimthe
intruder.

~

Kasha

~

“Areyousurethatboyfriendofyoursdoesn’thaveanythingtodowiththis?”Thisguymust’ve

hadadirectlinetomyproblems.Justtothink,I’veneverhadanissuehere,butnowthisassholecop
showedupeachandeverytimeIhadaproblem.“Whereishe?”

Twoothercopshadcomeearlier,beforethesearrived.Thosehadalreadygottentheintruderout

andofftothestation.Thisonewouldn’tbudge,evenwhenhisbuddymadeitclearthattheyneededto
followthroughwiththeguythathadattackedme.

“I’msorry,butwasthiscalledinforyou?”Teaganapproachedhim,thenslidinbetweenthe

extremelyshortdistancehestoodfromme.“Youwereatmyfriend’splaceearlier,butsomehow
managedtoendupatmine,fifteenminutesaway?Furthermore,thoseotherguysgotherebeforeyou
two.Theygottheassholeout.Theytooknotesandaskedallthedamnquestionsintheworld.Now
what?”

“Younglady—”
“See,that’swhereyou’rewrong.I’mnotalady.”Teawrappedbothsetsoffingersaroundmy

upperarmsandmovedmefromoutofthelineoffire.“Iwillcall9-1-1ifthere’sanissue.”

SoIstoodofftothesideasthebravestgirlinlifewenttoe-to-toewithOfficerJoe.Allthiswhile

OfficeRichswoonedoverher.Andwitheachpassingsecond,mybestie’svoicegrewtomatchthe
troublemakercop.

“Okayguys...”Hisbuddyfinallyspokeupwhenwenoticedtheguy’sfingerstwitchingathis

sides.“Thishasbeenastressfuldayforthesetwo.”

“Dependsonwho’sreallycausingthestress,”OfficerJoeblurtedout.
“Ladies,we’llbegoing.”JustasOfficerRichredirectedhispartnerforthedoor,Rorysteppedin.
“Excuseme,whoareyounow?”Joe,yes,nolongerOfficersincehewaspissingmeoff,gripped

hiswaistline.

“He’sgood.He’safriend.”Ileaptforward.
“That’sdebatable,”Teapromptedwithawickedgrin.ShethenwinkedatRoryandpavedtheway

fortheothers.“Wait,how—”

Iknewwhatshewasabouttosay,butherquestionswould’vekeptthecopstherelonger.Onlyafter

theyleftoutdidwetalkfreely.

“Howdidyouknowwewerehere?”IaskedaheadofTea.
“Knoxtextedyournumber.Ididn’tseethephonerightaway,butwhenItriedreachingbackout,it

wenttovoicemail.Couldn’tunderstandwhyhedidanyofthat.SoIwenttoyourplace.”

“Yeah,thesameguythatdidthatfollowedushere,”Iinterjected.
“Howdidyouknowtocomehere?”Tearolledhereyesathim.Shedidn’thideherdisdainfor

Rory.

“Whereelsewouldshego?”RorythrewatTea.Hereyesformedslightlinestomatchthelessthan

friendlywayherlipsrelaxed.“I’vebeentakingshitfromyouforyearsnow,Teagan,alloversome
bullshitmisunderstanding.”

“So?”
“So?So,getoveryourself.HatemeforallIcare,butsetthatshitaside.Ineedtofigureoutwhat’s

upwithKnox.That’swheremyenergyisgoingnow.”

Tea’smouthquivered.Thecenterportionofherlipsstuckout.Knowingmyhotheadedbestie

TeaganBoonethewayIdid,shehadtobegettingreadytoripintohim.Sowestoodalmostperfectly
still.MyattentionshiftedfromTeatoRorytoanemptyspacewithaninvisiblequestionmark
representingKnox.

“Wait,whywouldsomethingbegoingonwithKnox?”Itonlynowsetin,makingmeinstantly

regretmyearlierattitude.

“Histruck’sathishouse.He’snot.”Rorytooktimewiththewords.Theyweremeantforme,but

theroomstoodinattentiontoTea.Notoncedidheshiftthoseincrediblebluesawayfromher.“Him
sendingyournumberandnotansweringnow,thatshit’soutinleftfield.”

“Whythehellarewestandingaround?”Ipanic.“Thatjackasstrackedusdown.Whatif...”Tears

formedinmyeyes.Islippedoutoftouchwitheverythingallatonce,justwhenmyvisionblurred.
“No...No...No!”Irushincircles.I’mheated,instantlysoakedwithamixtureofsweatandtears.

“Icanhandlethis.Whatexactlyhappenedwiththesebreak-ins?”Roryslowlypeeledfocusfrom

Tea.SheextendedherarmstohugmeasIrecalledthedramaofthepastday.Onceeverythingcame
fullcircle,Ibegansobbing.

“Awsweetie,weshouldstayatahotelforthenight,”shecomforted.Itremindedmeofthedaywe

metandthewayshe’dtriedtoprotectfromanyfurtherharm.Thoughthatwasdifferent,thiswasn’t
debatable.Therewouldbenowalkingawayorhiding.

Rorystartingpacing,whileheswungintotheairoffandon.
“Youbothneedtocalmdown.Stressingisn’tgonnamagicallyleadyoutohim.”
Roryspunonhisheel,andthenstompedoverintoTea’sspace.Wewereinthelivingroom,

standinginfrontofabrownleatherloveseattotheleftandmatchingchaisetotheright.Onlythen
didIrealizewehadyettositorcalmdown.Honestlythough,howcouldwe?

“I’llfindKnox,”Rorystatedasafact,inadeepertonethanhe’dusedpreviously.
“Ican’tletyougoafterhimalone,”Isaidclearlyandprecisely.Teawouldfightmydecision,and

sowouldRory.“Iwon’tbeabletorestifI’mnotapartofthis.”Thiswasmychoice.Fromonetothe
other,Istudiedthem.HowcouldanyonetrulyunderstandtheloveIfeltforKnox?We’donlyjust
madethingsclick,butwewere“here”allalong.“There’snothingyoucansayto—”

“Sweetie,youdon’tknowthissortoflife.”Teareachedforme.Herpupilshadwidenedandmouth

cornersdipped.Shepitiedme,likeIwasaweaklink...likeIwasliabletogettakenout...likeI
wouldmakethingsworse.

“I’vehaditwithyoudroppingwarningsthatmeanshit.Ifyou’resotough,proveit;otherwise,get

thehelloutofmyway.”Thestingofmoretearsloomedrightthere.AtanymomentIwasboundto
explode—notwithanger,butsadnessandfrustration.Ididn’tmeantotakethingsoutonher.Shejust
happenedtobethere.

“Kasha,Iknowyou’repissed.”Teareachedformyarms.
“I’mgoingtobebrave,”Istatedundermybreath,thoughmyinsideswereslicedupwithworry.

“I’mgoingtobebrave.”Theproblemwiththatmantrawasthattheminuteherfingersrestedagainst
myskin,Icaved.

“Aw,sweetie,don’tcry.”
“I’mscared,Tea.Whatifhe’snotokay?Whatif—”
“Shit!”Roryyelledrightbeforehisbootlandedattheedgeofthewall.Betweentheredhairand

thesparklyeyes,hedevelopedadevilishglow.

“What’sthisallabout?”Tealookedupathis.Ifollowedthetrailofherwords.“Whatareyouguys

into?Ihopeit’snothingillegal.”

“Knoxisagoodguy,”Roryrepliedinadistantmanner.

“Screwthegoodguytalk.Areyouguysonsomeillegalshit?”Sheredirectedmeintoanearby

single-seaterthenstormedovertowherehe’dstartedpacingthefloor.

“Idon’tneedtoanswertoyouoranyoneelse.Ijustneedtodealwiththisissue.Gotit?”
ButTeawouldn’tletitgo.Thatwasn’therstyle.Thewilder,themorewicked,thetastier,the

riskiertheopposition,themoredeterminedshebecametojumpintothefight.Itwasn’tthatshewasa
troublemaker;quitetheopposite.Shejustbelievedinmakingthingsbetterwhentheydidn’tseem
quiteright.

“Canyouguystakeiteasy?Wedon’thavetimeforafight.Knoxissomewhere,andIneedtofind

thatsomewhere.Whetheryoulikeitornot,I’llfindhim.”

“Wait,hasErikacalled?”Teasuddenlyasked,snappingherfingers.
“Calledme?”Ishookmyhead,unabletostopthesmirkfromcapturingmyface.
“DoyouthinkI’manidiot,Kash?”sheflashedmywaybeforeflingingherneckandsendinga

waveofhairflutteringaroundassheturnedbacktoRory.“Didshecallyou?”

“Whywouldshecallme?”
“LookingforKnox.Duh?”
Eveninthemidstoftheirfussing,IsawtheverypresentsparkleinTea’sglare.Herlipspuckered

andsheslippedintoamorerelaxedstancewithherlegofftotheside.Ihadn’tseenthatbehavior
towardhimsincethenightthey’dfirstmet.

“Idon’tthinkshehasmynumber—”
“Andwhere’sthethirdwheel?HeseemstogetinthewayofyourbromancewithKnox,”she

added.

Rorysnarled.Alightbulbappearedtohavegoneoffinhismind.
“YouthinkithassomethingtodowithBash?”Iquizzed,gettinganinklingofsorts.
Roryshrugged.Ididn’ttrustitbecausehismode,includingtheenergyhe’dbeengivingoff,

shifted.“Hewassupposedtoheaduptothecity.”

“Whichcity?”Teaasked.“Forahouse?”
“Honestly,Icouldn’tanswerthat.”Roryreachedintohispockettoretrievehisphone.Histhumb

ranupanddownthescreen.ImadenoteofhowTeahungonhisactions,muchsimilartome.

AssoonasIheardtheechoedsoundsofringing,Iwhispered,“Don’tmentionKnox.”Sayinghis

namejustaboutdidmein.Iclutchedformychest,torestthepalmofmyhandovermyheart.
SuddenlyimagesofabloodiedKnoxflashedbeforeme.IsawhimastheofficerthatVanhadbeaten,
maybeevenkilled,earlythatmorning,yearsago.Agushofairescapedmylips.Iclutchedmyarms
tightertomychest,squeezingmyclothes.

No,IrefusedtobelieveKnox’sfatewouldmatchthatguy’s.NotmyKnox.Notnow.Notever.I

hadtoholdouthopeforourfuture.Regardlessofhowthingsnowseemed,Ineededtobelieveinus,
inhissafetyandinourloveconqueringall.Especiallywhereuncertaintyloomed.

~

Kasha

(ADayLaterinNY)

~

Whocouldn’thelpbutnoticethewayRorytookinTeagan?Hisfixationwasn’tsubtleeither.Andfor
herpart,Ibelieveshefeltthesame.I’mnotsurewhatkepteitherfrompursuingtheother.Ironic,
sinceKnoxandIhadfallenintothesametrap.Thiswasn’tthetypeofthingIshould’vebeenfocused
on,thoughitwasthetypeofthingIneededtokeepmymindoccupied.

“Tea,Iknowyouseethewayhelooksatyou.”
Theleftsidecornerofherlipstwitched.Shewaseitherholdingbackasmileortryingtoavoid

showinghowuncomfortablemyobservationmadeherfeel.

“Smile,”Iencouraged.
Shedid,onlytoshakeherheadandgruntout,“Ughhh,he’snogoodforme,girl.”
“Andyou’regoodforhim?You’rebetterthanhim?”Ithoughttheyweresafequestions.“Hehasa

bitofdarkallure,don’tyouthink?”

“Sooooo,youfeelthat’swhatIneed?”Teamadefishlips,leanedherheadagainstmineandblew

outheavily.

“Youpreferboring?”
“HowdoyouknowIhaven’thadmyshareofalltypesofmen,Kash?”
“Iguess.”Then,shovingherfromoffme,Ispuntotheside.I’dalwayswonderedabouther.Sure,

Iunderstoodtheneedforprivacy,butithadbeenaboutfiveyearssinceshe’drescuedmefromVan.
Today,Ididn’tknowhoworwhyshe’djustdroppedintomylifethatway,yetI’dfollowedlikea
mindlessidiot.Noregretsnow,but...“You’vegottabetheoddestpersonalive.”

Shegiggled.“Me?”Asqueakytypeofsoundescaped.Standingtoherfeet,sheheadedforher

purse.

“TeaganBoone,yousavedmylifeonthedaywemet.Youhelpedmegetawayfromasituation

thatmight’veturneddeadly.Granted,Icameblindly,butyouneveronceaskedmuchmore;Ithought
itwasyourwayofkeepingmeinthedarkaboutyourdramaatthetime.”Iwaitedforsomesortof
rebuttal,yetallshedidwasclutchthepursetostandoverbythewindow.Hergazeextendedoutinto
theopensky.Itwasmassive,clearandperhapsfreeing;freeingsinceitprobablydidn’tmakeherfeel
constrictedinthewayIwasnowdoing.

“Kash,therearecertainthingsyoudon’tgettoknow,shouldn’twanttoknoweither,”myelusive

friendspat.

“Likewhat?”
Noresponse,thoughInoticedaslightglisteningofmoistureescapedownhercheek.Ipreparedto

stand.Shedroppedherpurseandextendedapalmup.

“Likewhat?”Iaskedoncemore.Ineveroncequestionedhermotives;figuredthatshe’dsomeday

explain.Actually,ithadgottentothepointwhereIdidn’tcaretoknow,butthispresentdramawith
Knoxhadmethinking.Whatifourpasthadtrackedusdown?Whatifwhateveritwasshe’descaped
thatdayinMiamihadcomelookingforher?Whatif,Godforbid,VanandAxeldecidedtofinishme
offafterallthistime?IfIturnedupmissingordeadorviceversa,therewouldn’tbeanyclosure.
“Likewhat?Teagan,thatday—”

“Idon’tthinkit’sagoodideatobringupthatdayorthatlife.We’vegotsomethingsafeherein

Delaware.”

Theroomgrewcold;herexpression,withherforeheadtippedforwardonthewindow,mademe

wanttoknow.Tohellwithwarnings.

“Afterallthistime,ifourskeletonshaven’tfoundusyet,thenIdon’tthinkthey’recoming.”
“Ican’timagineyoursarenearlyasbadasmine.”Whenshefacedme,herfacewassmearedup

withtears.Herpupilswereterrifyinglyhuge.“Mypastisawholelotworsethansometired-assclub
ownerwithissues.”

“WhatexactlydoyouknowaboutVan?”Myfingersswoopeduptoholdontomylips.Thatname

rodemymindovertheyears,nottoofrequently,butenough.“Andyounevertoldmehowyou
happenedtoturnupjustasIneededyou.”

“Sweetie,someday,whenandifthetimeisright,I’ll—”
“No!”Ijumpedup.Withintwosteps,myhandspreparedtoreachoutforher.
Shewavedmeoff.“Idon’tthinkyouunderstand,Kasha.Ourfriendshipistooimportanttome.I

don’twanttodragyouintomymess.WhydoyouthinkIneveragreedtomoveintoyourhouse?
WhydoyouthinkItrytostayofftheradar?YouthinkIenjoylivinginDelaware?”

“Tea,ifanythingweretohappentoyou,whatthen?Theywouldn’tbeanyclosure.”Atthemere

thoughtofthepossibilities,Iwept.Icriedforthewhatifs,themaybes,andallthingsthatcouldever
be.“You’remybestfriend,mysister.”

“AndIplanonkeepingitthatway.Ipromiseyou,I’llexplainthingsonedaysoon.Let’sjustget

overthisKnoxthingfirst.”

Imovedtoreply,butsheheldupherhand.BeforeIcouldprotestfurther,myphonerang.Teagan

reacheditasecondbeforeme.

Unavailable.
Teagansnatcheditopen,yankingfrommydirectiontodirectittoherear.“Who’sthis?”After

pullingawaybrieflyandswitchingtospeaker,weconcentratedonthescreen.“Who?”sheasked.

“Kasha?”adeepvoiceasked.
“Who’s—”
“Iaskthequestions.”
“What?I’mhere.ThisisKasha.Who’sthis?”Ipleaded,awareofthedesperationinmytone.The

veinsinmytempleflexed;therewasatighteninginmychest.Awashofanxietyracedoverme.I
squeezedTeagan’shand,whilegrippingontothecell.

“Where’sRory?”
Teaganelbowedme.
“He-he’s—”
“Look,”Teaganundidmygripasshespoke.“We’renotansweringanyquestionsuntilyoufillus

in.Where’sKnox?Whydoyouhavehim?Whatthehell—”

“Thisismyshow!”theguyyelledintothelineandterminatedthecall.
“Whatwasthat,Teagan?He’sgonnahurthim,orworse.”
“Whydoyouthinkhecalled?He’slookingforRory.IfhewasonlylookingtodoawaywithKnox

—”shepausedtoshrugoffherinsensitivewords“—wewould’vefoundabody.CallRory.”

Teagandidn’tbothertohavemefollowthrough.Ididn’tfightit.Mybestiewaspassionateenough

forthebothofus.SheknewhowdeepmyemotionsranforKnox.Ithinkshemight’vewantedaKnox
andKashaevenmorethanIdid;believeme,Iwanteditbadlytoo.

ThiswholethingwithKnoxbeingtaken.
Honestly,whotakessomeoneanymore?
Whokidnapsagrownman?

Furthermore,whatkindacrapisKnoxinvolvedin?
Ishisdarknessworsethanmine?
“RoryjustgottoErika’sfamily’splace,butthere’snoErikathere.Andguesswhat,nooneknows

anErikaeither.”Theeyethathadjustbeensadanddetachednowbrightened.I’msureitwasthe
challengeofsolvingthispuzzlethatgothergoing.

“Whatdoyoumean?”
AsTeaexplainedthemissingcaseofmyKnox’sillusivefiancée,Icouldn’thelpbutgetangry

overhischoice.Forwhateverreason,he’dallowedhimselftogetsuckeredinlikethat.“Howthehell
couldhegetfooledlikethat?”

“Idon’tknow,Kash,butdon’ttakeitlightly.Therehastobemoretothis.”
“Tea,youthoughtlifewouldbedifferentinDelaware.”
“Itwas.Itis.Don’tworry,myBFF.Rorydoesn’tseemlikethetypeofguytoletthingsgo.”
Westoodatthecorner,waitingforRory’sblackmustangtopullup.Teaganworesky-graytights

withalightpink,cottontee.I’dthrownonkhakishortsandagreentank.Ipersonallyfeltoutofplace,
droppeddeadsmackinthemiddleafashionista’shaven.Oursurroundingswereovertakenbywomen
inhighenddesignswithaworldofclass.WhileIgotdrawnin,Teagandrewothersinwithher
nonchalantpersona.ThishadtobeoneofthereasonsIvaluedbeingaroundher.

Shereachedformyarm,wrappingherfingersaroundmywristanddrawingmetostandbeside

her.“Youstickoutlikeasorethumb.”

“Really?”
“Youdidn’tknow?”SheformedawideOwithhermouthashereyesexpanded.
“OfcourseIdo.It’sthatdarnpun.”Ijabbedherwithmyforearm.
“Gladyoucanjokearound.”
“IgottadosomethingtokeepmymindoffKnox.It’snotthatIdon’tcareoranything.I’mhella

tense.Thefreshair—”

“Freshair.”Teaganquicklylookedaround,droppingmyhandashersextendedaroundus.Before

shecouldgetbacktoheroverlydramaticself,ahornsounded.WeglancedupintimetoseeRory’s
riderushinfrontoftwocabbiesandhaltdirectlyinfrontofus.

“Mykindaguy,”Teagansaidoutloud.
Ishookmyheadandtookthebackseatwithoutasecondthought.Rory’shandquicklyreached

overtoyankatTeagan’sseatbelt,onceshesecuredit.Ileanedmyheadtoleft,frombehindthe
driver ’sseat.Teaganshiftedjustenoughformetoseeaslygrincrossherface.

“Theirratingsjustwentup,”Rorystatedfromoutofnowhere.
“Whoseratings?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Teaganshiftedtoherleft,thenranherhandalong

thesideofhisface.

Iwould’veaskedthesamequestion,butthevibebetweenthetwokindacaughtmeoffguard.I’m

notentirelysurewhyIhadn’tnoticeditbeforenow,ormaybeitwassomethingnew.

“Youdidn’tseethecameras?”
“Whatcameras?”
“TVcameras.”
“Whywouldtherebecamerasonarandomstreet?”Teaganquestioned,immediatelysittingupin

herseat.“Nationalorlocal?”

“What’sgoingon?”
“Nationalorlocal?”shereiteratedinashakytone.
“Calmdown.Don’tknowwhy—”

“Damn,Rory,areyouafrickin’idiot?”
“Mustbetostillhaveyouinmycarwhenyourassisbehavinglikeatotal—”
“Don’tyoudaresayit!”
“Thendon’tactit.”
“Areyouguyskiddingme?”Iwasfinallyabletointerject.Ishiftedtotheedgeoftheseat.Rory

hadjustpulledontotheWhitestoneBridge.Tokeepfromgettingknockedoverbyhisshiftydriving,
Iplacedmypalmsontheheadrestofeachchair.

“Kash,weneedtotalk.”Teaganscootedaround,thenundidherseatbelt.“Pullover.”
Sheliterallygrabbedatthewheel.Ifelltotheseat,hittingthetopofmyheadonthedoor.I

completelylostbalanceandnearlyendeduponthefloor.

“Whatthehell?”Rorygruntedout.Iwatchedhimmaneuveraroundandbesideothercarsthat

camewithininchesofslammingintous.

“Kasha,”Teasaidbywayofdrawnoutsyllables.
“What'sup?You'reactingtotallyirrational.”IcaughtaglimpseofRorythroughthecarwindow.

Hewashammeringawayathisphone,notpayingattentiontoourchat.

“DidyounothearwhatRorysaid?”Tea'spupilsshiftedaround.“Kash,yourguarddidn'tshoot

up?”

Maybeitwasthetrafficallaroundasweleanedagainstthesportyride,whilewastingtimeonthe

streets.Maybeeventhefactthatthishiatuswasonlytakingawayfromusbeingabletotrackdown
Knox.Icouldn'tbetoosure.

Ishrugged.
“Thedamncamerashementioned,”shethrewout,andthenwalkedoff.Aftercausingseveral

strangerstoswervearoundherstraightmarchtothefrontofaGoldenKruststorefront,Teaturnedto
faceme.Herdramaticsidewassometimestoomuchformetohandle.

Ifelttheurgetoshoutoutaccusations,butsomethingtoldmeshewasdeadseriousabout

somethingI'dmissedentirely.Withmeteeteringagainstthecar,peeringherwaysuspiciously,she
returnedadesperategaze.Therattlingofanapproachingtrainfromnearbyjustseemedtogivemea
headache.

“Whatthehellisthis?”Roryshouted,finallysteppingoutofthecar.“Ithoughtwehadsomething

bettertodothanstandaroundthegodforsakenstreets.”

Teastormedovertome,grippedmyarmandwhisperedintomyear,“Thesefriggin’camerasare

national,right?”

Thelightbulbflickeredonashersentenceformed.Iguessitdidn'tnecessarilymakemuchsense

tome,sincewewerehereandourpastliveswerethere.

“But-but...”Icouldn'tformulateareasontonotworry,withtheexceptionofthemilesfrom

FloridatoNewYork.“Whatifitwaslocalnews,asopposedtonational?”

“YougotfivesecondstogetinthecarbeforeIdriveoff,”Roryshoutedout,bringingTeaganand

Ibacktothepresentmoment.

Tearslingeredonmylashes,butIrefusedtoletthetearsfall.Instead,Istretchedmyarmsaround

herneckandsqueezedjustenough.Turningslightly,Ispewedalieintoherear,“We'reokay.”

“Now!”Rorybarked,causingallattentiontoturninourdirection.
Wehustledalong.ShereclaimedthefrontseatandIhoppedintothebackjustintimeforRoryto

driveoff.Myfingersshookandahelluvalumpformedinmythroat,butthosefearshadtobeminor.
Knox’slifehunginthebalance.Asthesayingwent,Ineededtopullonmybiggirlpanties,ormaybe
manupwouldbethebetteranalogy.Eitherway,Ineededtodigdeepdown,inordertorescuetheman

I’donlyallowedmyselftogiveinto.

Rorybarkedoutorder,overhowwe’dtakeonthismission.Ilistenedwholeheartedly,evenasthe

sunsettledinthedistanceandmyfearsofthepastheldmecaptive.

~

Knox

~

Anintenselightburnedthroughmyeyelids,accompaniedbythestalestenchofmoldasIwoke.Not
entirelysurehowI’dendedupthere,Isurveyedmysurroundings.Myhandsweretiedandsecuredto
awoodenchair.Asinglelightbulbhunginthecenterofthecold,basement-likeroom.Icouldhear
lowcrackles,asifliquidwasdrippingthroughtheceiling;whichhadtobeabouttwelvefeetfromthe
ground.JustmyluckIhadapsychoticfriend,onethatI’dknownforyears.

“Du-dude,”Imanaged.Mythroathadaraspyfeel,sortalikesandpaper.“Yougottahaveaplan.

Cometalktome.”

Icouldhearfootstepsnearingthedoor;onetreadheavierthantheother.Ishiftedaroundinthe

seat,whichwasdamnuncomfortable.Keyscrashedtogetheratasolidwoodendoor,thenthelock
turned.Iformedascowl.AflashlighttrailedBash’spath,butthenrightbehindhimIsawathinhand.

Erikaappearedathisside.MyErika.Myfrickin’fiancée.ThechickI’dsaved.ThechickI’dmade

thesacrificeofafriendshiptomarry.Yeah,Erika.

“Hi,Knox,”shehandedout,detached.Hergazeplayedpeekaboowithmine.
“Hi,Knox?You’recaughtupinthisshit,andallyouhavetosayis‘hiKnox?’”Islumpedintothe

high-backedwoodenseat,exhalinginherdirection.OnlythendidIrealizemyfeethadalsobeen
securedtothechair,thoughtheslackranpastmetosomewherebeyondthewall.

“Howlonghaveyouknowneachother?”Beingunsureoftheirplans,Icouldn’timaginesomeone

goingthroughthetroubleoftakingapersonandtyingthemupinagodforsakenroomtojustset
themfree.Ineededclosureiftheyhadplanstokillme.

“I’vealwaysknownher,”Bashconfessed.
“Helpmeunderstandthisshit,you’veknownherlongerthanwe’vebeenboys?”Icoughed,the

muskyairflyingdownmythroat.

“Yeah,somethinglikethat.”Bashsmirked.
“Whateverthehellisgoingonhere,I’mgonnaneedyoutolaythisshitoutformeanddo

whateverthehellyouneedtodo.”Irattledthechair,wantingtobreakit,tipitorsomething.Ihad
abso-frickin-lutelynopatiencewiththissortofthing.

“WeneedtowaitforRoryfirst,”Erikastatedcoyly.
“He’sinonthistoo?”
“Nah,buthe’llfindyou.”
“Howthehellishesupposedtofindme?”
“BecauseIsetthetrap.”Bashwalkedovertomewithhishandsholdingsteadybehindmyback.

Hislipsformedathin,overlywidegrin.

“Look,justknockmyassoutagainandwakemeupwhenyou’rereadytoexplainthingsbecause

—”

Abluntforceconnectedwithmyhead.

~

Knox

~

“Youknowwhat’llhappen,right?”Rorysteppedintotheroom.Notonlydidhewalkinwithhis

eyesfixedonBash,thenErika,heassessedtheentirespace.Whenhiseyespulledoverme,Inodded.

“There’snoeasywayoutofhere,man.”Bash,whowasn’tnormallycocky,grewstrength.Yeah,

hefeltconfidentsinceitappearedthathehadtheupperhandfornow.ButRory,beingthehotheadthat
I’dknownforever,wasn’tliabletoapproachsomethingsofar-fetchedwithoutplanning.

“Iknewyouwereasnakeallalong,”Roryexpressed,thoughhiseyesstillrakedovertheroom.

“Knoxisatruebrother;you,notsomuch.”

“Whatgavemeaway?”Bashsmirked.Thoughheheldaguninhisrighthand,hebackedupwhen

Roryapproachedhim.

“I’vebeenaroundenoughsnakestoknow.Igaveyouthebenefitofthedoubt,though.”
“Youregretthatshitnow,don’tyou?”
Roryshrugged.Hetooktwocircularsteps;thistimehestoodashortdistancefromErika.“You

two,huh?”

Sheloweredherhead.
“ThethingIdon’tunderstandiswhat’sthebigfrickin’deal?”Heextendedhisarmsoutward.Erika

leaptbackwards.

Thedoorshotopentorevealanotheroneoftheiraccomplices.“Everythingokay?”
“Ofcourse,”Bashquicklystated,whileheshowedoffaslightblackpiece.
“Doyouthinkthatintimidatesme?”
“Damnsurebetterbe,bro.Thisrepresentsdeadintimidation.”
Rorydidn’tsayanotherword.HeapproachedBash,whogrippedtighteronthehandle.Iknew

enoughtoknowthatRoryscaredthecrapoutofBash.Roryhadneverbeenthetypetogiveadamn
abouthislife.Thewayhealwayssawitandmust’veseenitnow—Rorywouldalwaysgooutfighting.

“Let’sjustgetthisoverwith,”Erikasaid.Herheelsclankedontheconcretefloorassherushed

overtostandbesidethesnake,Bash.

“Yougood,bro?”Roryasked,glancingaroundthem.
Itippedupmychin.
“Sowhatisthis?”
“Ineedtoaskyoutwo,”Bashbegan.HepointedthegunfromRorytome,thencontinued,“Where

didthemoneycomefrom?”

“Money?You’redoingthisbullover—”
Click...
Rorydidn’tblink.Isuddenlyfeltweak;notbecauseIwouldn’tbeabletodefendmyself,but

becauseIwastiedtothedamnchairandunabletobusttheshitoutofBash.Irocked,tothepointof
nearlytippingover.Thatwould’vebeenfinewithme,sinceitwasnolongeroneontwo,oroneon
three.Thedamnchairrefusedtofall.

BashmotionedwiththegunforRorytomovetomyendoftheroom.Heshuffledover,stopping

aboutthreefeettomyside.

“Getonwiththis,”Ispatout.“I’moverthedramaticcrap.Saywhatyougottasayandfinishoff

thisshitbecauseifyoudon’t—”

“What?IfIdon’t,thenwhat?”hecutmeoff.

“Thetwoofyouhavehadenoughsayineveryone’slives.”Erikaslappedatherforehead.“You

ruinedmylife!”

“ThatfirstnightwemetErika,”Bashbegan.Helickedhislips,thensmirked.
“Thatwasourfirsttimemeetingtoo,”Erikaleanedforwardtoadd.Izonedintoher.AllIwas

capableoffocusingonwasthedarknesssproutingfromallaroundher.I’mnottalkingaboutthelight
intheroomoranythinglikethat.Imeantheskankwasbehavinglikeshehadsometypeofrightto
me,ortobeinmydamnpresence.Andwithouteventryingtodoso,ascowlformedonmylips.

“Butthenyouscrewedhimoutintheopen,”Roryfilledin.Hedidn’thaveanounceofrespectfor

her.Can’tsayheeverlikedher.

“Yourboytookthebait,andgotscrewed.”Bash’sslighttalkwouldamounttonothing.Iknew

Roryhadtohavecomeinherewithaplanthatwasboundtoexplodeanysecondnow.Ididn’texpect
anythinglessfromhim.

“Likeyou’reaboutto?”RorytookastepclosertoBash.
“I’mincontrol.”Bashpreppedthegun.Hepositionedit,grippingtwohandsonthehandle.Icould

tellhewouldn’tfeelconfidentwithoutit.

Roryshrugged.Hedidn’tpullbackorpullup.
“Let’sgetthisoverwith.Thisplaceiscreepy.”ErikaredirectedBashbytuggingonhisshirt.
Fromoutsidethedoor,weheardanechoedthump.Erikaranofftoacorner.Bashspuntolookat

thedoor.AndRoryrushedforhim.Theyfellontotheconcrete,andthegunslidovertotheopposite
endoftheroom.Iquicklylookedinthedirectionthatmyex-fiancéehadrun.Asluckwouldhaveit,
hereyeszoomedinonmineatthatverymoment.Butitwasuselessonmypart,sinceIwasfrickin’
hog-tiedtothechair.Iyankedwithallofmybody.Theropesqueezedeveryinchofme,butIcouldn’t
giveup;Iwouldn’tgiveup.

RorywasgivingBashaseriousasswhooping,andIcouldn’tbeleftoutofthebattle.Witheach

pull,Idrewcloser,thoughitnevercompletelygaveway.Erikacontinuedtostare,eventhoughshe
didn’trunforthegun.HerbodycontractedwitheachpunchorkickRoryhandedouttothattwisted
bastard,Bash.

Whenthedoorshotopen,Ishiftedfocustoseethenextthreat.Can’tsayIwasn’trelievedtosee

Kasha’sfriend,Teagan,stepoversprawled-outfeet,athickwoodenblockinherhand.Erikaracedin
thedirectionofthegun.

“Getthegun,”Iyelledout.“Overthere.”Asthelastsetofwordsflewoutofmymouth,Kasha

jumpedintotheroom.Shedidn’theadforthegunoreventome.MygirlthrewherselfatErika.The
twoofthemlandedontheground,yankingandmushingeachotherintheface.

Momentslater,westoodinfrontofBashandErika.Hisfacewasbloodyandswollen;whileher

hairwasscatteredaroundherhead.Theywerebothkneelinginthecenteroftheroom.Hereyes
shiftedfromonetotheothertotheother.

“Tellthemaboutthemoney,”Erikabawled.Herfacewasmessywithdirtfromtheconcreteand

bloodyfromamassofscratches.

“Thestolenmoney.Damncriminals,”Bashscreamed.
“Whatmoney?”Roryrushedtograbforthegun,pulledbackhishandandwasaboutasecond

fromsmashingdownonBash’sface.Iheldontohisforearm.

“Letitgo.”Ididn’tknowhowthesetwohadcomeupwiththisorevenfiguredthisout.ButIwas

tiredofholdingback.IturnedmyheadtothesidetofindKashgazingatme.Sheneededthis,Ineeded
this,thewholedamnroomneededthis.

“Whendidyoufindout?”Roryaskedthem.Hepulledawayfromallofus.Hisfingersdoveinto

hishair;heyanked.

“AfterthefirsttimewemetErica,”Bashstated,grinning.
Ifeltabubblinginmygut.Theelectricitytraveledovereveryinchofme.NextthingIknew,my

fistconnectedwithhisjaw.Hecavedtothefloor.TurningtoErikaIasked,“You’vebeenscrewing
himforfouryears?”

“No.”
“Howlong?”
“Whatmakesyouthink—”
“Howlong?”Thewindnearlygotlockedoutofme;Iwaspissed.Yeah,itwastoughtorealize

yourgirlwaswithsomeoneelse.Yeah,itwashardertoknowitwassomeoneyoucalledafriend.But
aboveall,itwasdevastatingbecauseIgaveuponKashaforErika,onlytoendupwithKashainthe
end.Shit,IhopedtoGodthatwasitforme.Iwantedtoseeherandbecertainshewasn’treadytobolt.
Icaughtaglimpsefromthecornerofmyeyes.

“Aboutthreemonths.”Erika’ssnatchedmebackwhenshesaidthewordsinasteady,crystalclear

tone.

Myinsideschurned.I’dalwayshadmydoubts,butthiswasbeyondridiculous.Everythought,

everymovementreplayedinmymind.IstudiedErika,thenturnedforKasha.Shewaspressedinthe
corner.Ifelthersadness,thatconnectionremainedprevalent.

“Didyouatleastuseprotection?”Kashaheldamortifiedgaze.
“Idon’tbelieveKnoxplannedonstayingwithmebecausehealwaysdid,”Erikaspat.“Fouryears

—”

“Fourbullshityears—”
“Whatdoesthishavetodowithanything?”Bashstruggledwithhisfacestillpressedtothe

ground.

“Youknowwhat?”Roryhadbeenstandingontheothersideoftheroom.Tea’sarmswere

wrappedaroundhim.Whenhestartedovertous,shepulledathim.Herhandswentuptohisjaw;she
shiftedhisfacetomeethers.

“Noonewantstotalkaboutthis,butI’dliketoknow.”Kashaapproachedme.“Didyoukill

someone?”

“No.”Forasecondthere,IdoubtedifthiswasmyKashaassumingsomethingsohorribleabout

me.Consideringthecircumstances,however,Ibrusheditoff.“Hellno,”Irepeated.”

“Youmightaswellhaveguttedhim,youbastard,”Erikabeganunderherbreath.Hergazeroamed

overme,passedtoRoryandfinallytoKasha.“Theystolemoneythatwasmeantformyboyfriend.”
Erika’svoicescreeched.“Themoneyyoufoundwasn’tyourstotake.Everyoneknows,everyone
knowsnow.”

“Thatshortbastardwasn’tyourboyfriend.Youwererunninggameonmeallalong.”Itookastep

closer.Ihadthissickurgetorundownallofherdirty,shadydealingsforthesakeofrevenge.

“Butyoufellforit.Didn’tyou?”Herlipscurledinthisdevioussortofway.“That’stheproblem

withyouassholes,agirlcanscrewyouover...literally.”Shewinked.

Iwantedmoreofthiswholeconvolutedbackground,butwithKashaonlyfeetaway,Iwasn’tabout

toletErikaruinmybestchanceofhappiness.IlosteveryoneandeverythingwhenIwasabandoned.
Sureashellwasn’tabouttoletithappennow.Notlikethis.SoIfessedup.“Weknewthemoney—”

“Therewasnowe,itwasmytip.Knoxismydamnbrother;heneededtocatchabreak.He’dseen

enoughsuffering,”Roryroaredovertopallotherconversations.“Yoursneakyass—”hepausedto
pointatBash“—couldn’tbetrusted.”Hisfingerscollapsedinward,formingafist.Stoopingdown,he

grippedBash’sblackhairandlookedsettothrowanup-closepunch.

“Soyoucanjustifythis,becauseyouhadaroughlife?Bullshit!”Erikascreamed.“Thatwas

Vince’swayout.”

“Who’sVince?”Iasked.
“Tony’sbrother.”
“You’reonetwistedbitch.”Thetasteofdisgustandhate,justthinkingaboutmewithErikamade

mesickinsideout.

“Hisbossbeathimtodeath.”
“Howdoyouplayintothis?”IaskedBash.
HeansweredashonestlyasIexpectedhimto.“Iwasinitforthemoney.Fromdayone,whenshe

toldmeyouguyshadfoundallthatandhadn’tputmeon,Iwasinfromthen.”

“Soyouletthisrideoutforfouryears?”Roryshouted.Theroomvibratedashejustabout

exploded.TheonethingthatseemedtokeephimtogetherwasTeagan.Sheremainedathisside,
whisperinginhisearandsustainingthemadnesswithgentlestrokes.

“AndIdon’tregretaminuteofit,”Erikarippedoutthewords.Sheswayedbetweensobbingand

laughing.“No,Idon’t.”

KashapracticallyjumpedfromthewalltoErika.Atfirst,everyonelookedon,stunned.

~

Kasha

~

I’dneverbeenafighter.Neverhadareasontogothatfar.Iwasraisedtoturntheothercheek.But
thenIlearnedtorunlikehell.Knoxbeingtakeninthisway,thatpissedmethehelloff.Hesecuredhis
handaroundmywaistandneededmuchofhisstrengthtogetmeoffErika.

“No...no...”Astearsraceddownmyface,tothepointofblurringmyopponent,Icontinuedto

swingmyarmsandfeet.“Ihateyou!”Icriedintohischest,whenhepulledmeintohischest.“Letme
go!”Ipoundedathim.

“Kash,nobaby.We’regonnagetoverthis.”Hisrightpalmcuppedmyface.Hedirectedmylipsto

his.“Calmdown,”hemumbled,sendingastreamofhotbreezesbetweenmylips.

“Youmean—”Icouldn’tfinishmysentence.Alumpformedinmythroat.IalwaysknewKnoxhad

apast,butthiswastoomuch.Shit,itwasn’tevenamisunderstanding.Hisentireliferevolvedaround
dirtymoney.Evenmyhousewastiedupinit.

“Thatwasadifferenttime,adifferentlife.”Astheexplanationcameout,hisheaddipped.He

couldn’tlookatme.

“Butthat’swhatgaveyoutheedgeupinyourbusiness.”Ispunoutofhispath.
Hereachedformyface.Isnatchedaway,awareofwhathistouchcoulddo.Hiseyespleadedfor

metounderstand.Ididn’tknowifIwascapableofgettingoverthis.Neverexpectedtheperfectman,
justtheperfectoneforme.AndthatmanneededtobeanythingbutVan-like.

“Themoneywasn’tlegitimatelyyours.”
“Letmeexplain—”
“No!Please,Knox,don’tmanipulatethings.”
“YourealizeIwasyoungerthen,right?”
“Yeah,notbymucheither,andyou’restilllivingoffthedirtymoney.”
“Soyouwantmetogiveitup?Ifthat’sthecase,Icandoawaywiththatportionofitor,or—”
“Youwerealrightwithlifebeforeme.Ijustcan’tbeapartofthis.”
“Thiswhat?Honestly,Kash,you’reallself-righteousandshit.Haven’tyouevermadeamistake,a

decisionthatcamebackandkickedyourass?”

“I’mhuman.”
“Sowhatisitaboutmysituationthatmakesyouwillingtowalkawayfromwhatwe’vegotgoing?

Damn,orwhatwecouldhave?”

Yeah,Iwasahypocrite.ConsideringtheBashandErikavendettaagainstKnox,Ihadeveryrightto

beself-serving.

~

Nearlyfourhourslater—afterthecopshadcollectedtheguyswe’dknockedoutthathadbeen
standingguard,andtheconnivingduo—KnoxandRorysatatoneendofthebar.Wewere
downstairs,inthelobbyofaRitzCarlton.EveryfewsecondsI’dlookacrossatKnox’spleadingeyes.
Hehadaknotatthesideofhishead.Ifluctuatedbetweenlongingtosoothehimandneedingtobolt
outofsight.IlovedhimlikehewasanextensionofthewomanIcouldfinallyrestinandbe.Andfor
thatreason,hescaredmetodeath.Wewerebothimperfect.Notthatanyonecouldclaimperfection,
butthislovebrewingdownwithinmewasunstoppable.

CouldIeverforgetI’dfalleninlovewithhim?Walkawayandallowthememoriestokeepme

companyfortherestofmylife?

“You’resuchahypocrite.”Teawrappedherfingersaroundmyupperarm.Sheyankedmebackto

reality.Herpupilscarriedathicklayerofmoisture,likeshewouldburstoutintearsatanyminute.

“What’stheproblemwithleaving?”Itwasn’taquestionforher,asmuchasitwasmetryingto

convincemyselfthatweneededtorun.Whereashertearshungonfordearlife,Iletgo.TheloveI
feltforKnoxwasunbelievablystrong.ItbrokemyhearttoknowthatIcouldn’tkeepit.ButIhadto
lethimgo.“He’satimebombwaitingtoexplode.”

“Youhaveapasttoo,sodon’tjudgehim.Hell,Kash,Ihaveafriggin’past.”
“Butyou’remyfriend.”
“He’syourman.Howcanyousayyoulovehim,thenevenconsiderrunningawayfromhim?That

guywouldgothroughhellandback,ifitmeantyou’dbesafe.”Teaspunoutofview,thenpassedthe
backofherhandacrossherface.

I’mnotsayingthiswasn’taboutKnoxorme.Teamust’veknowntherepercussionsofstaying

here,wheredramalived.ErikahadindicatedeveryoneknewaboutRoryandKnox.Whothehellwas
everyone?IstudiedTea’ssadeyes;thiswashighlyunusualforher.ThatthingIsensedbetween
TeaganandRorywasmorepowerfulthananythingshemight’veenduredinthepast,thoughso
sudden.

“Iknowenoughaboutyourpast,butIthinkyou’llneedtositdownwithRory.Explainthings.Let

himknoweverything;Imeaneveryjacked-upthingthat’shappenedinyourlife.”Thetablesfinally
turned.Imaginethat,Iendedupgivingmybestfriendrelationshipadvice.Consideringneitherofus
werereallyanygoodatromanticstuffandthiswholeguything,Ididn’tknowwhattoexpect.And
justasIfoundmyselfconvincingTeagantoopenuptoRory,IknewI’ddothesamewithKnox.

Kasha

~

NotonlyhadIfallenasleepinKnox’sarms,Iwokeuptheretoo.HeheldontomeasifIwerethe
ultimate,thebetterpartofhim.Ilayquietlyinhisembrace,whilethesoundofhislightsnoreformed
theperfectlullaby.Whendidthingssuddenlyturnaroundforme?SincewhendidIdeservetobe
happy?Icouldn’thelpbutfeellikethiswasthecalmbeforethestorm.MaybeonedayI’dwakeupand
therewouldbeahelluvadisaster,somethingthatwouldcomeatmeforbeingnaiveenoughtobelieve
I’deverachievethedesiredhappilyeverafter.

Isnakedoutfromhisembrace.Knox’seyelidsflashedopen.Leaningforward,Ikissedhim

sweetly.

“What’sup?”heasked.
“Nothing.Igottaruntothebathroom.”Mypalmpausedoverhisheart.Thesteadybeatgaveme

chills.

He’sreal,Kash.
Buthow?Thishotguywithanincredibleauratomatchmylessthanpowerfulonegavehimselfto

me.HeprofessedaloveformethatIneverthoughtwouldmanifest.Buthow?Moreover,hehadreal
issues.

IneverimaginedI’dbenumberone.God,wassomeoneplayingatrickonme?Overthecourseof

afewdays,we’dgonefromthisincrediblefriendshiptoanevenbetterlove.

Ifledforthebathroom.Thesobscameallatonce,withaflushoffreshtears.Nothingelsewas

capableoffrighteningmeasmuchasthisnewfoundloveofmine.IlovedKnoxinawayIcould
neverexplain.Myheartwouldonedayexplodebecauseeachsecondofhistenderloveandeach
momentinhispresenceonlygrewinintensity.TherewasnouncertaintywithKnox,andthatscared
thecrapoutofme.

“Kash.”Hisvoiceswirledaroundme.Ibarelyhadenoughtimetograbahandtowelandshelter

myface.Thatwasminorbecausethetearshadswarmeddownoverme—allofme.Mycrieswere
stillloud;possiblythereasonhe’dsoughtmeout.“Comehere.”

Thelittletoweldroppedtothefloor.
“Ineedtofeelyou.Allofyou.Thatincludeswhat’southere.”Heplacedtwofingerstomy

temples.“Ipromise,I’mnotlettinganythingcomenearyou.Nodrama.Nopain.Nohurt.”

“Youcan’tpromisethat.”
“Whynot?Kash,thisisoverwith.”
“Knox.”Iblewouthisname,gavemyback,andwalkedtothefarendofthebathroom.“Icome

withmyownsetofdrama.Iranawayfromhomeaftergraduation.Mydadhadjustdiedandmymom
channeledherangeroverthingstome.”

“Kash—”
“No.Please,letmefinish.”AftercuppingmyfaceforacoupleofsecondsIletthingsgo.“Ifellin

withaclubowner.Hewasn’tmyboyfriendoranything.”

“Whatkindaclub?”
“Afterhours.”Isearchedouthisreaction.
Nothing.
“Onedaysomehorribleshitwentdown.IsawsomethingIshouldn’thave,Teagankickedhisass

andwehadtorunfromFlorida.”BythetimeIendedmysentence,Icould’vecollapsedanddied.As

muchasI’dfoughttoholditallin,lettinggofeltgreat.Knoxappearedrightnexttome,asthe
structureofstrengthtohelpmesustainthislife.

“Kasha,whydidn’tyoutellmeallofthis?Mydrama,yourdramameansnothing.”
“But—”
“Butnothing.”
“Yes!IwasreadytocondemnyouforErikaandthemoney—”
“Yousaidhername.”Hechuckled,thenbrushedhislipstomine.“Webothmessedup.Ourdistant

past,evenrecentpast.Butwe’rehere,rightnow.”

Iunderstoodhismeaning.Wewerehere,nowasone.“Startoverfresh,likethedayoutsideof

NoraLee’s.”Ismiled,sniffledandslidmylipsin.”

“Yeah.Likecompletestrangers?”Knox’svoicedroppedlow.Ifollowedhislead.
“Almost,”Imumbledtothecenterofhischest.Alongthecarveddepth,Inibbledlowerandlower.

Hewasbeyondperfect,fargreaterthanexceptionalandtruly,infinitelymine.

~

Knox

~

“Damn!”
Kasha’stinyfingerspressedagainstmythighs,whileshefoughttoshovemylegsapart.Trustme,

thiswasnotaneasytask,butIgaveherjustenoughroomtomaneuverbeneathme.Shewastedno
timeingrabbingmyerectionandwrappingherlipsroundthetipofmyhard-on.

“Mmmm,”shemumbled.“Perfect.”Shepalmeditrightbeforeshovingitintohermouthand

makingthatmind-blowingpoppingsoundwhenshesuckedfromshafttotip,onlytoletitgo.

“Knox...”sheblewout.Herbackslumped.Shedrewcloser.Forasecond,itwaslikeIwasn’t

there;instead,itwasjustherandmyhard-on.Shebreathed,licked,suckedandcaressedmyerection.
Tohellwithfoodoranykindofsustenance,Iwasherdrugofchoice,meansofsurvival,and
nourishmentforthesoul.Ineveraskedforthis,butithappened.

Herthumbwentontocaressthatsensitivesplitattheheadwithonehand,astheotherpalmedmy

sac.Oureyesconnected,andeventhoughthelightwasdim,Isawtheshineinherhoneypupils.Her
lipswerefullandquivering.

Myfingersreacheddowntoherthickhair.Ituggedandpulledherevenclosertomyerection.She

tookinmyfleshonceagain,andIhelpedheroutbythrustingmyhipsforward.Ifelttheopeningand
gripofherthroatasIslippedfurtherdown,soIbracedforthegagreflex.Sheletitglidedeep.My
handsmaintainedholdonherhair,graspingtighter.

Iwascapableofholdingmyown.Iwasnotawimptoanydegree,butKashawasouttotakeme

down.Icouldn’thelpbutstareather.Themovements,thedesires...WhatthehellwasIgonnadoifI
waseverforcedtowalkaway?IgrewalltinglyandshitlikeI’dbeenpluggedintothewall.Mylimbs
setonfire.

Shewassuchatinylittlethingandclosetoawholefootshorterthanme.Icould’veliterally

crushedherwithlittleeffort.ButallIwantedtodowaspickherupoffherkneesandfallatherfeet.

Iwantedtocarryheraway.Wehadaroughenoughofatimegettingtogether.
Shestraightenedupandwhispered,“Ican’tlivewithoutyou.”Hervoicecracked.Icouldanswer,

butherwordsweremorelikeavowthananin-the-momentsexthing.

Seriously!
Kashawassomehowplacedintomyworld,similartothewayherheadwasglidingatmyfeet.
HadIactuallyfoundsomeonetolovemeforalltherightreasons?Andsuddenly,africkin’

blowjobjustwouldn’tsuffice.Ifelttheneedtogetlostinherachingpupilsandswiminsideher
warmth.Iswoopeddownandtookherintomyarms.Herentirebodymeltedintomine;legsspread
andwrappedroundmysides.Ineededthis,neededher...neededtomakeherknowhowmuch.

“Takeme,”shebegged,hervoicebreakingapartmidwaythrough.“Please,”shecontinued,allthe

whileherfingersgrippedontothemusclesofmyarms.

Ididn’tanswer;instead,Igrippedtighterontoherassandmovedfromthewallinthebathroom.
“Please,Knox,”shequivers.“Takeme...”
DoIwantto?
Ofcourse!
Morethanwant,Ineededtofullyknowtheonlygirlthatcouldmakemeforgeteverythingbadthat

hadeverhappenedtome.Shehadgivenmetheabilitytohope.

Shewantedtobetaken.Iwouldoblige.Butforrightnow,Ineededhertofeelthedepthsofmy

love.Ilaidherbodyontopofthebedandstartedraiding.Ikissedherplushlipsandexploredlower.

“Ummm,”shecriedout.“Yesss!”Herchestshotupfromthebed,blessingmylipsandtongue.
Myfingersslippedlowerintohergoodness.Herhandsglideddowninanefforttodirectmine

beyondtheoutsideanddeeperwithin.Sheevengyratedherhipsaroundandrodegreedily.Iknew
whatshedesired,butIwasn’tready.

“Easy,”Iwarned.Ishiftedmyeffortslowerandlowerstill,untilmytonguereplacedtherawness

ofmyfingertips.Ifed,callingoutherjuices.Herclitmetmewithurgencyasshesquirmedbeneath
mymouth.ImadeitharshenoughtoletherknowImeantbusiness,yetfeebleenoughtotreasureher.
Sheeventuallyansweredmycommand,andfloodedmytonguewithhersweetness.

“Aghhhhh!Aghhhhhhhh!”
Andonlythen,onlythendidItakeher.Iallowedhertoremainonherback,whilefittingontopof

her.Myerectionfeltoutherentranceandproceeded.Ipenetratedherwalls,pumpingdeeperand
claimingherbodyintheprocess.Theentiretime,herinnermusclespulsatedandclenchedonme.But
Ifeltherbecomeliberatedandintheprocessgivemepermissiontomakeaclaim.Whethersheknew
itornot,Ihadalreadystakedclaim,whollyandsolelyfromherinsideout.

Kashawasnowandwouldalwaysbemynumberone.

~

StaytunedformorewithTeaganandRory’sstory,“TooBadforLove”...

JaniceG.Ross’sBio

JanicewasborninGuyana,SouthAmericaandmigratedtotheUSAin1980.Althoughhercitizenship
certificatenowreadstheUnitedStatesofAmerica,sheconsidersherselfacitizenoftheworld.Sure
shehasnotphysicallybeenaroundtheworldandback,butshe’straveledinhermindanddreams.

Janiceenjoysreadingandisdrawntostorieswithdistinctcharactersthatshecanloveorhate,

charactersshecanformallianceswithorcharactersthatshecanswearoffanddespise.Sheisalso
weakforagoodculturaltale,preferablyintheformofhistoricalfiction.Janicelovestobetakenoff
guardbycleverlanguageandsettings.

Janiceisalsoadevoutsupporterandpromoterofotherauthors.

YoucanconnectwithJaniceon:

Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Janice-Ross/e/B00AMP2Z4C/

Blog:

http://www.jgrwriter.com

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/JGRWRITER

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/jgrwriter

BesuretosignuptothenewsletterforJaniceRoss:

eepurl.com/bVA1sz

OtherBooksbytheAuthor:

DamagedGirlsI,II&III

IslandHopping:JumpingShip

IslandHopping:Trinidad&Tobago

AManIsJustAMan(ALovingNateNovella)

JezebelJones,ALoveStory

JustBetweenUs-ShortStorySeries

Mysticism&MythsCollection

ComingSoon:

JezebelJones,SimplytheBest

TooBadforLove(Rory&Teagan)

JezebelJones

BookDescription

Anyonecansaythey’recompletelyfulfilledwithlife.Theycansayalltherightwordsandeven
behaveasifnotadarnthingiswrongevenwhentheirinsidesarehollowedout.Andeventually
they’llsearch,dig,pryandperhapsbargainforachanceatsatisfaction.IfIcan’tbesatisfied,thenI
guessI’llsettleforwhatIcanget.

Right?
Maybe?

~JezebelJones~

JezebelJonesandJasonMarkshavebeentherocksineachother ’slivesforyears.Nooneknows
JezebelaswellasJason,andviceversa.AsJezebelcomestotermswithbeingalone,shedecidesto
settleforherever-faithfulfriend.Althoughshehasneverlovedhimromantically,Jezebelwantsto
makeatryforarealrelationshipwithherdearfriend.Thisisn’tanaturalthing,justsomethingsheis
reasoningthrough.Shecan’thelpbutwonderiftheirfriendshipwillbeabletowithstandthechanges.

WhenJezebelleastexpectstobesweptawaybyanyone,shemeetsAidanBroder.Hestimulatesher
mind,bodyandsoul.EvenasJezebelgetsclosertohim,she’safraidtodiveinandfindsherselfinthe
middleoftwomen.Intheend,Jezebelwillhavetomakeachoicebetweenamanthathasalways
lovedherandamanthatwantstoloveher.

Author’sNote:

I’veneverbeenonetobelieveinloveatfirstsight.AsI’vegrownolderandbecomeengagedinlife,I
findmyselfseekingthishappilyeverafterthatsomanypeopletalkabout.Inmanyways,Iwasonce
Jezebel—unsureofwhatthefuturewouldholdandstillhopingforsomething,anythingthatwould
allowmetobelieve.Althoughmanyofusdon’tknowwhatthatsomethingmightbe,wedoknowthat
wewantmore.JezebelJonesisaboutlettinggoinordertotrulylove.

~~~~~

I.

Jezebel’shairspreadacrosstheredsatinpillowcases.Bareskinshoneunderacoupleofspecksof
sunlight,givingherapolkadotdesign.Thedarkblindswereraised,whilethedrapescarriedheavy
circulardesignsthatchangedtheambianceoftheroom.Evenassheconsideredherhouseguest,she
wascomfortableinherloneliness.Therewasnoneedtorushabout,preparingbreakfastorgathering
ahouseholdforSundaybrunch.

Thisfive-bedroomhomewasallhers,amajorfixerupper.Herfatherhadpurchaseditforher

becauseshedidn’twantatypicalmanufacturedone.They’dspentjustoverayearmakingitflawless
andinhabitable.

Jezebel’sminddriftedtoJasonMarks.Jasonhadhelpedeverystepoftheway.Hewasalways

concernedwithmakingherhappy,asJezebelwasalwaysconcernedforhishappiness.Hewasthesort
ofguythatyouhadnochoicebuttoadmire.Sheadoredhisbrillianceanddetermination.Hehad
becomesuccessfulbychannelinghisloveofmusicandthemusicsceneintoaseriousentertainment
company,JayMarksPromotions.WhenevertherewereconcertstobepromotedontheEastCoast,
Jasonpulledtogetherthegreatestteamofexpertstoexceedeveryclient’sexpectations.

Jezebelhadtoadmitthathewasquiteacatch;withtheexceptionofoneannoyingdetail...Jason

wasrough.

Seriouslyrougharoundtheedges.
Hewasbornintoadifficultlife,butthroughhardworkandperseverance,hemadeanexceptional

nameforhimself.Unfortunately,attwentyseven,hehadn’tgrownoutofthatpeskyroughnessand
lackedsomerefiningqualities.Manypeopledisregardedhimonfirstappearance,butsheaccepted
andlovedhimforsimplybeingherJason.Clarification...herverygoodfriendJason,whomight
becomemoresomeday.Shewaswillingtotryagain,justincasethisdaywouldbetheday.

Jezebelsighed,turningtotheopenspaceonthebed.Lastnightshehadbannedhim.Hewasnowin

theguestroom.Shewasfunnythatway.Thisroomandthisspot,washerhaven.Hersanctuary,
sacred.Veryfewcouldgetin,especiallyinthatway.Gettingtoocomfortable,orrathertoofreaky,
wasunheardof.

Shethrewoffthesheetsandswungbarelimbsfromthebed.Asshestoodandwalkedtothedoor,

avoiceencouragedhertoletherguarddown.Shehadn’tbeenwithamanintwoyears.Thedesire
wasnolongerthere;moreover,shehadgrowntiredoftheemotionalstressofrelationships.Jason
hadalwaysbeentheretoassureherthatshewouldfindtheonesomeday,eveninterjectinghimselfat
times.Theloveshehadfortheirfriendshipwastooimportant.Andthentherewastheissueofhis
unrefinedbehavior.

Butnowshewasstartingtofeelbad...
“Jason?”shecalledoutbeforeenteringthebasicbedroomtwodoorsdown.Hewasstillhalf

asleepandgruntedinresponse.Hehadonthesamewhiteteeandgrayboxerbriefsfromtheprevious
night.Hisbodywassomewhatexposed,likeprovocativemolassesfleshandmuscleswaitingtobe
takenadvantageof.

“Youwannatrythisagain?”Jasonaskedinaraspyvoice,hisheadhunglow.Heappearedtobe

purposelyavoidingeyecontactwithJezebel.

Sheclearedherthroat,remainingatthecenteroftheroom.Theswivelmirrortoherbackexposed

thecaramelflowfromnecktocalves.Sheflippedaround,pausingseveralsecondstosilentlycritique

hermedium-sizedbreasts.

“Jez.”Heflippedontohisside,proppinghimselfuponanelbow.Anovereagerbulgestaredat

her.Onhislipssatawickedgrin.

DidheknowthatIwouldcome?Jezebelwondered.“Wecan,”shereplied,repeatingamantrato

“livefree”.Afterall,thiswasamanshetrustedwitheverything.StandinginfrontofJason,inthe
nude,wasn’tdishearteningbutquitecomfortable.Jasonwasoneofthefewpeopleshecouldexpose
toherinsecurities,physicallyandemotionally.Heknewherdepths,aswellashersimplicities.Much
ofwhatshewasshowinghadbeendisplayedyearsago.Soshemovedtothebed,drawingdownon
herfriendformorningplaytime.

Jasonreachedtothegroundforhisjeanspocket,pullingoutasilverwrapper.Jezebelsmiled.

Whentheireyesconnectedhenoddeddowntothejoltingofhisgrowth.

“Sexy,yougonnaletmein?”heaskedassherestedherhandsagainsthischest.Shethrewher

rightlegoverhislap.Hishandslippedacrosshermoisture.“Jez,whyareyoutheonlyonewithout
clotheson?Stripme,girl.”

Jezebelwaspicky.
Easilyannoyed.
Jasonknewthis.Hewastryingnottodothestreetslangthing.Shemadenoteoftheeffort.That

wasaplusbecauseshewasn’tcrazyaboutEbonics.

Atleasthedidn’tcuss,sheconsidered.Andevenashermindreplayedhisnormalwayofspeech,

sherolledhereyes.Sherefusedtobecriticalanylonger.Nottoday.Jezebeltoldherselfthatshe
neededtofocusonJason,andatleastgivehimashot.

Jezebelranherpalmsdownthetightridgesofhischest,tuckedherfingersbeneathhistop,and

slowlyunwrappedhisupperbody.

“Damngirl!Youwetoffthis?”Hisfingersdeepenedinsideher.
Shecringed.
“Jason,Idon’tmindyoutalkingdirtytomebutpleasedoitright.”Shepausedattheelasticofhis

snugunderwear.

Heblewoutsteam.Jasonwasnodummy,Jezebelsquintedandtwistedawarningthatshewason

theledge,justlikeshedidlastnight.Henoddedindefeat.

Herrighthandmovedintohisboxers.Shestiffenedasthecornersofhermouthtightened.Next

hernostrilsflared.Still,Jezebelforcedherselftotouchandravish,rubbingherfreehandpasthis
nipples.Theyweresmallandhard.Hewasreadyforher.Probablystillfromthenightbefore.But
whenshelookedathisface,hisheadwasextendeddown,focusingonhisvaluedmember.

“Yougonnatakeitdeep,sexy?”hiswordsbrokeJezebel’sconcentration.
Herfingersgrippedhiserectionandshenotedthefullnessinherpalms.Sherubbedalongthe

smoothbase,squeezinggentlyfromtheshaftupthefulllength.Atthetip,herfingersteeteredaround
theedge.

“Wouldfeelevenbetterwithyourmouth,”heencouraged.
Thiswasonewomanthatbelievedwithinherselfthatshewouldnevergothere.Sheallowedhis

wordstomullaround.Afterbriefconsideration,shedidn’tbothertochangethatpartofher,nordid
sherespond.Infact,shewassomewhatpissed.

Jasonknowsmebetterthanthat!I’mnotdoingthattohim.Neverhave.Neverwill.Well...at

least,notuntilImeetmyfuturehusband.

“Girl,youandyourrules.”Jasonknewherwellenoughtopulloutthespecificthoughts.

Moreover,shehadalwaysbeenvocalwiththosefeelings.“Justclimbon!”hedemanded,reaching

downtowardhisgroin.Jezebelknewhe’dwantedthislongbefore,hisbodyshowedhiseagerness.

Jasoneasedup.Sheremovedhisboxersandrippedopenthepackagesothathecouldwrapitup.

Thiswasfurtherthantheyhadgottenlastnight.Shebithertongueinanattempttostopthethoughts
rushingoutofhermouth.Shecoaxedherself,warningagainstmovingtooquickly...becareful.

Beforeshecouldgetsituated,hegotupinherface.Hislipstouchedhers,butsherefusedtoopen

up.

Idon’tkiss,Jezebelwantedtoscream.Jasonapparentlydidn’tfeelhercontractandfreezeup.He

onlycontinuedtoslobberonherneck.Shefoughttoconvinceherselfthatitfeltokay.

Jezebel’smindwasfurtherstressingoverhisbuddy,yestheonethathaddarnneardoubledinsize

sinceshetouchedit.Ormaybetheboxershadhiddenit?

Nexthekissedherbreasts,whilesheenjoyedthestiffnessofnipplesagainsthistongue.
Thistoofeltdecent...better.
Hetraileddowntoherbellybuttonandstuckinhistongue.ToJezebelitwasaformality.Sheknew

whathewasafter—thegoodies!

Oncehefoundherinnerthighs,hismouthfelttenderandinnocent.
“Jaaason.”Shegavehimthatmuchsincehereallywastrying.Therewasatingle,abuilding

sensation.Histongueflickered,plunged,andsauntered.

“Ohhhhhhh!”sheyelled,consideringthatshemightlethimspendtheday,anothernight.
“That’swhat’sup,girl,”Jasondeclared,andleaneduponhiselbow.
DoeshethinkIcame?sheaskedherselfandwasonthevergeofaskinghimthesamequestion.
“Igotskillz.FlipoversoIcanhititfrombehind.”
Hereyesrolledjustbeforeswipingoverthelengthofhim.
Jasonflasheditoff.
“Youeitherbreakmeofforletmetakeitfromtheback.”
Noneedforconsideration,Jezebelturned.
Hepalmedhercurvesandslappedeachside,thentriedtoenter.
“Ahhhh!”Shewantedtoexplode,evenwelcomedtheideaofdeath.Whattheheckishetryingto

putinsideofme?

“Yeahgirl!Ahshit!Youfatlikethat?”
Now,shedidn’tmindtalkingdirtybutwasgettingannoyedwithJason.Beforeshecouldscold

him,therewasmorepain.Toomuch.Shepulledaway,slippedsideways,andleapttoherfeet.

“Youcan’tdigintomelikethat,Jason.I’malady.”
“Jez,areyouforreal?You’retrynabreakmyflow?”
“I’mserious,Jason!Andno,I’mnottryingtobreakyourflow.”Sheemphasizedthewords

becausehewaspissingheroff.

“Don’tbelittleme,Jez!”
Belittle?Wheredidthatcomefrom?Jezebelblinked.Sheliftedtwofingersandwavedinhis

direction.Letmetryagain.

“Sorry,”sheoffered,turnedaway,andthenshovedherbacksideagainsthim.
Heheldontoherwaist,plungingindeep...toodeep.
“Notthisone,”Jezebelyelped,pressinghimaway.Shekickedtowardhisgroin,butmissed.

Hoppinguponthebed,shewaslivid.“Youaren’tgoingtobragaboutmakingmewalkbow-legged.
You’renotevengoingtoscarmyinsidesbydiggingupmytenderness.”

“Girl,cutoutthatfoolishness.Womenlovethisstuff.Bescreamingoutmyname.Beggingdaddy

tomakethemfeelit.Givethemtheirmedicine.”Pushingupinherfaceheadded,“Wantmetostamp

mynameallupinthere?”

“Thenyouknowwhat?”Jezebelscrambledaway.GrabbingJason’sclothes,sheflungthemathim.

“Jason,I’mnotgonnaletyouruinmeformyfuturehusband.Whenotherwomenarewalkingaround
theplacedroppingorgansfromoutoftheircrotch,Iplanonkeepingittight.Youknowwhy?”

AlthoughJezebelhadbecomeconfrontational,Jasonignoredher.Herwordsseemedtohavelittle

effect.Shewasn’tevensureifhewaspayingattention.Jasonfocusedongettingdressed,takingtohis
slacksbothlegsatonce.Hismanhoodwasstillfirmandbumpedagainstthezipper.Heflinched.

“Jason,Iwillnotbetheonetoloseamanbecausehe’sdroppingoutofme.Furthermore,menlike

youaren’tspoilingmyinsides.Letmyfuturehusbanddothat.”ThiswasasentimentJezebelhad
voicedtimeandagain.

“DamnJez.It’sme,yourboy...Jason.I’mnotsomeman.”
“ThenwhyaretreatingmelikeI’msomewoman?”
Jasonshookhishead.Hethennoddedupwardandheadedforthebedroomdoor.Hehadn’tyetput

onhissneakersandhisslackswereloose.

Jezebelrantoherroom.Shegrabbedatinycamiandshorts,pullingthemonasshecaughtupand

followedbehind,insilenceforthetimebeingastheyraceddownthestairs.

“I’mleaving.Youdon’thavetopatrolme.”Jasonstompedtotheexit.“Jezebel,I’mdonewithyou.

I’vebeenyourfriendforhowmanyyearsnow?”Thesun’sraysbarreleddownfromtheceiling
spotlight,touchingJason’sclose-croppedhead.Foramoment,Jezebelwantedtotouchhimand
smoothawaythepainoftheirfifteen-year-oldfriendshipgonewrong.

He’smyJason,myfriend.Acomfortattimes.Anexcellentlistener.IthoughtthatIcouldmakeit

more,especiallysincehe’sbeensmittenbymeforalltheseyears.

“We’vebeenfriendsforever,Jason.Idon’twantthingstoendoverthis.”
“Jez,you’reworriedaboutlosingafollower.FUJez.”
“WhateverJason.Youcan’tevencussmeallout.FUtoo,myfriend.”Shegrabbedforhim.He

sensedthemovementandspunaround.

“Letmeclearthisup.”Hiseyeswerebloodshotandbrowsfurrowed.“You’redoggingmeout,but

it’sallgood.Iwon’tdisrespectyou.Butleavemethehellalone.WishyouallthebestwithfindingMr.
Perfect...Mr.Pencil-Ass-Dick-So-He-Can-Keep-It-Tight-Perfect.”

Jasonleft.
Jezebelsteppedoutofthedoorwithnearnothingon.Shehadfewneighbors.Thiswasan

extensionofherzone.

Jason’smusicblastedon.Heturneditlouder,whilethechorusforTalkDirtytoMebyhis

namesakefilledthefrontyard.Hescreechedoff.SmokeanddirtswirledatJezebel.Shedidn’tduck
awayortrytohide,butinsteadstoodthereindefeat.Jasonspedupthepathandoutofherlife
indefinitely.Wipingawayateardrop,Jezebeltriedtoshrugoffhermisgivings.

Sheremainedoutside,notwantingtoreturninsiderightaway.Shelovedfeelingthesunagainst

herskin.Strollingdownthesteps,shesighed.

Jezebelwantedtobelievethatrelationshipsweremeanttobegood.Theyappealedtoher.What

didn’thelpwasgoingthroughthedramaofmeetingsomeone,onlytofindoutthattheywerephony.
AsforJason,sheknewhewasgenuine,althoughacompletemismatch.Shespenttheremainderofthe
morningsulkinginthefrontyard,gatheringflowersandreasoningthroughthemistakesofanother
failedattempt.

II.

Mondaymorning,asanextensionofherlonelylife,shetraveledtoworkinwhatshesawasaboring
city.Jezebelwasrunningclosetoherusualearlyarrivaltimeof7:30,althougheveryoneelsedidn’t
usuallyarriveuntil8:00.Inherhasteshetooktothepavementasifwalkingarunwaythatwascarved
outtoGraceInsurance.

Shesilentlyrepeatedhermantra:IamJezebelJones,allwoman.Shehadtoremindherselfofher

importancebecause,withtheexceptionofanimpressivepositionandremarkablehome,shefelt
useless.Evenherappearancecauseddoubt.Hernaturallysilkycinnamontresseswerepulledintoa
bunatthetopofherhead.Sheavoidedthepastimesoflipstick,choosinginsteadfuchsialipglossand
alightbrownliner.Makeupwasavoidedatallcosts,sinceshehopedtomaintainnaturalfeatures.
Thiswasonewomanthatturnedheadswherevershewent.TheproblemwasthatJezebelwaseither
hellbentonfindingfaultinthosethatdarefeastonabeautifulwomanordoubtingthatshewas
worthy.

Todayhowever,astrangercaughtherattentionashewasgulpingherdown.Sheapproachedaset

ofbuildings,andhesteppedoutofabrownstonestorefrontoffice,reachingJezebel’sglideintwo
easysteps.Maintainingthespeed,shetiltedherheadtoacknowledgehisintrusion.

Histonguebrushedacrossslenderpinklips.Hesmiled.
“Iloveyourwalk,”themanoffered.
Sheblinked,consideringhernextmoveorremark.Anyothertimeshecouldhavepressed

forward.Notnow.Hewasthere,orratherrighthere.

Jezebelstoodabout5’3”.Hereachedjustunder6”,maybe5’11”,andwasslenderwithaslight

build.Therewasn’tmuchofabulgeunderhisbluebuttondown.

“Notgoingtorespond?”Hercompanioneasedovertoherright.
Jezebelnoddedup,lookingintostormygraypupils.
“Really,beautiful?”Hehadapleasanttenorthatcarriedafriendlyrhythm.
Shehaltedandtwistedherleftlegtohim.Hestoppedslightlyaheadbutpacedbackwards.
“You’rekeepingmefromwork,allforapickupline?”
“Noway...”Hefumbledthewords.“CanIhaveyourname...please?”
“What’syours?”Shefoughtwithallofhermight,notwantingtopayattentiontotheillumination

thathadsettledabovehishead.Theverylightthatbrushedagainsthiswarmbeigeskinwassending
subliminalmessages,tryingtoconvinceherthattheyweretheonlypeopleoccupyingtheearth.
Jezebelhadtoswallowhardtostopagasp.

Hesteppedcloserintoherspace.“Youbadlywanttosmile—Iseeitinyoureyes.”
Thismandidn’tknowhowbadlyJezebelwasfightingthebattle.Thensheconsideredhowmuch

worseshemusthavelookedforherefforts.Andso,shedid.Notjustahintofasmile.Sheallowed
herfacetoshineforthismanthatshedidn’tknow,justbecausehecameatherinaproperway.And
becausehisauraenticedher.

“Myname’sAidanBroder,”hesaid,matchingthespanonherlips.
“I’mJezebel.”Shedrewoutthewords,anticipatingaslicktypeofremark,whichwascustomary

whenintroducinghername.Surprisingly,hedidn’tseemshaken.

“Doyouhavealastname,Jezebel?”
Whydoesheneedalastname?Whyisn’tJezebelgoodenough?Notthathisrequestwas

unreasonable,butshewashavingadifficulttimemovingpastasimplemeetingwithamemberofthe
oppositesex.Shenibbledonherupperlip.

“I’dliketoknowmoreaboutyou,Jezebel,morethanjustyourfirstname.Morethanevenyour

lastname—muchmore.”

Adropofmoisturetrickledfromherback.Shecouldfeelitracingdownuntilherblousesoakedit

up.Thelikelihoodofhermeltingintohisarmsandclingingfordearlifeincreasedbythesecond.
Hermindwentblankasshesearchedforcommonsense.Whenitappeared,shewasremindedthatshe
wasafoolfornoone.Butstillshecouldn’tthinkofasassycomeback.Couldn’tcontinuelooking
aroundatthebuildingsorlocalsbecauseAidanBroderwascommandingattention.Therewasno
otheroptionthantoapproachthedistractionheadon.Andwhenshedid,theireyeslockedinanoutof
bodywaltz.

Mondaymorning?
Work?
Lateness?
ForthefirsttimeinJezebel’slife,shelostfocusonherobligations.Aidanwasstaringintoher

soul—notatthetopofherbreasts,normolestingherbodywithbeadyeyes.No,hisgazewasfully
directedatJezebel.Thesetwoappearedtobeindeep,thoughtfulconversation,relyingonanewform
ofvisualdirections.Infact,Jezebelwasmesmerizedasneverbefore.Thesparklefromhisirises
revealedthesameofhim.

“Doyouhaveplansforlunch,Jezebel?”
“Itypicallydon’ttakealunchbreak.”
“Youdon’teat?”
“Ieatinmyofficeandwork.”
“Canyoujoinmetoday?”
Jezebelponderedaboutusingthisasanopportunitytoplayitcoolandturnawayfromhis

ensnaringstare.Hegentlycaressedthebackofherhand,glidingupherwristanddowntothe
fingertips.Shefeltvulnerable,butinagoodway.Aidanwasattentive,andalthoughJezebelwas
nervous,hemadeherwanttogiveintohisrequest.

“Yes,”Jezebelcroaked.Sheclearedherthroat.“Iguessso.”
Aidan’ssmilewidened.
“Isitokaytomeethereatnoon?”
“Ofcourse,”Jezebelrushedoutbeforebitingonherlipagain.Shewasn’tdesperateinanyway,

justcuriousandwantingtoridethecloud.

“Seeyousoon,beautiful.”
Shebrazenlyreplied,“Later,handsome.”Shewalkedoff,boldlyswayingandhopingtofurther

enticewithhersteps.Knowingthathewasmostlikelyswooningatthewaysheglidedherwaist,
Jezebelglancedoverhershoulder.Therehewas,handsinpockets.AndallJezebelcouldthinkwas,
Aidan,Aidan,Aidan...

WhenJezebelreachedherworkbuildingtheclockshowedseveralminutesshortof8:00.The

officewasalreadybuzzing.Shewhiskedpastthechatterandsettledintoheroffice,closingthedoor
behindher.Theworkspacewasnobiggerthantenfeetlongineitherdirection,butcomfyenoughto
getlostin.Afauxwoodendeskrestedagainsttheleft-sidewall.Tomakeitmorepersonable,the
roomboastedabay-sizedwindow.Jezebeldidn’ttypicallymakemuchofafussofit,especiallysince
thethinblindsremainedlow.Yettoday,shereachedforthem.Inhalingthememoryofthemorning’s
uniquejourneyandallowingthesuntoprickleherpupils,Jezebelneverfeltsocalmandhopeful.I

wonderwhy?

III.

WhenJezebelsteppedoutsideattwominutespastnoon,shecouldalreadyseeAidanwaitingattheir
spot.Shewantedtorushbutwasafraid,notwantingtotripoveracrackinthesidewalk.Itwasn’tthat
thepavementwastoobad,shejustfeltthenervesalreadyeatingawayinside.

Soonenough,Jezebelwasstandingabouttwofootstepsfromhim.
“Hellobeautiful!”
“Hellohandsome!”
“Whatwouldyouliketoeat?”Aidanasked.Heexpanded,flexinghisarmsandrevealingripples

thatweren’tnoticeableearlier.

Asshebegantomulloverthequestion,hislefthandreacheddowntocaressthebackofherhands.

Undernormalcircumstances,shewouldhavehandeddownthecontractwithstipulations.Evengiven
himalistofdosanddon’ts.Toldhimthatshe’drathernotbetouched,muchlessbyastrangeman
thatshe’donlyknownforahotminute.Wouldhavescoldedhimaboutpublicdisplaysofaffection,
especiallyrightupthestreetfromwork.Butshecouldn’tbringherselftostophim.Why?

“Roughday?”heasked.
“Oh,I’msorry,Aidan.Gettinglostinmymadness.Whatwereyousaying?”Shecouldn’ttellhim

aboutallofthatcraprunningthroughherheadforfearhemightrun.

“Whatdoyoufeellikeeating,Jezebel?”Hisfingersonceagaincaressedtheirwaydowntothe

lengthofherown.Beforesheknewit,herhandwasinhispalm.

Food?
Hungry?
Screwthat!
Notnow.
Jezebelwasn’twillingtomakeafooloutofherselfduringlunch.Sheworriedabouttrippingor

spillingsomethingoverherblouse.Food...noway.

“I’mnothungry.Doyoumindifwejusttookawalk?”
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”Hestopped.Lookingdownather,thewayhe’ddoneearlierthatday,

causedasoothingstormtoovertakeherbody.Jezebeltriedtowithstandthepull,butitwastoostrong.
Itdidn’thelpthathestillhadholdofherhand.

“You’remakingmeuncomfortable,Aidan.”Shewantedtobreaktheconnection,butrealizedthat

hewastheoneholdingtighter.Heeasedslightly,wrappinghisfingersaroundtheoppositeway.

“How’sthat?”
“I’mnotusedtopeoplebeinginmyspace.Yetherewearewalking,holdinghands...”
Thepairhadwalkedaboutablockupfromwheretheyfirstmetthatmorning.Jezebel’smindstill

focusedontheenergyrushingfromtheirtouch.Shewaitedtofeeltheeaseintensionofhisgrip.
Whenthatdidn’thappenshesqueezedandreleased,hopingitwouldprompthim.Itdidn’t.Herattempt
atarejectionwasirrelevant.

“Areyoualwayssotense,Jezebel?”Aidanteased.
“Tense?BecauseIaskedyouaboutmovingintomyspace?”Shecouldonlythinkaboutprotecting,

denyinganddefendingherself.Itwassoeasytobecomeoffended,althoughsheknewhewasteasing.
JezebeldirectedherfingerstoprepareforthetensionthatwasboundtodieonceAidanletgo.She
waited...waited...nothinghappened.Aidanonlysmiled,essentiallyforcinghertorelaxandgivein

alloveragain.

“That’sbetter,”hechimed.
Jezebelbitdownonherbottomlip,hopingthathewouldn’tseehowenticedshe’dbecome.Noone

wascapableofcontrollingher.NoonebutAidan.Asaconsequence,shetrailedsomewhatbehind
him,followinghisleadastheyheadedforBrandywinePark.

Therushoftheriverdashingagainsttherockswaspeaceful.Alightbreezeserenadedthepairon

theirouting.Althoughcarsracedacrosstwoabove-headroadways,theirengineswereeasilytuned
out.Thetimewasearlyspringandlovewasgrowingallaround.Manyotherdowntownershadalso
decidedtoventureoutforamiddaywalkorenjoylunchbytheriver.

“Soisitsafetosaythatyouaren’tinvolvedwithanyone?”Aidan’squestioncutintoJezebel’s

admirationoftherapids.

Thistimeshewasreadytorespond,andhadn’tdriftedtoodeepinthought.
“Ihaven’tbeeninarelationshipforalongtime.”
“You’vedatedthough,right?”
“Ifthat’swhatyou’dcallit.I’vegoneout.Triedtomakeconnectionsoutofdeadwires.Nothing

tooklife.”

“Whydoyouthinkthatis?”AidanledJezebeltoabenchthatfacedthewaters.Hisdarkcinnamon

hairblewjustenoughtogarnerherattention.Asearlier,hecarriedaspeciallight,drawingthetwoof
themtogether.Sheyearnedtorunherfingersalonghisfaceandreachuptogatherafistfuloflocks.

IthadbeenalongtimesinceJezebelfeltcomfortableandrelaxedinthepresenceoftheopposite

sex,withtheexceptionofJason.Aidanwasstimulatingandtantalizing.Andshedidn’tneedtogive
herselfapeptalktoputupwithhim.Withoutasecondthought,shestartedtoopenup.

“Likeanyotherhumanbeing,I’dliketobelongtosomeone.Justnotanyone.”Shespatoutthe

finalterm,itwasbittertoevenconsidersettlingatthisstageofherlife.

“Okay...”Aidanrubbedupanddownthebackofherhand,trailingroundtothecenterofher

palms.

“ButIcan’ttakedeception,cheating,meanmen—”Jezebelshifted.Herexplanationwaslaboredas

sherevealedhervulnerabilities.

“You’veexperiencedallofthatineveryrelationship?”
“It’snotthat,buttheminuteIseethepotentialforthosethings,Irun.”
“Soyou’reoperatingoutoffear?”
“Morelikecommonsense.”
“Buthaveyoutakenthetimetovalidateyoursuspicionsorconfirmthatwhatyoubelievetobered

flagsareactuallywarnings?”

He’dtakenittoofar.ShefeltlikeshewasonanepisodeofDr.Phil.Forthefirsttimesincehetook

holdofherpalmonKingStreet,shefinallyletgo.Notonlywasherhandsweaty,butreasoningfled
andwithitherwords.

Hedidn’ttrytoforceherhandbackintohis,insteadonlystared.Hissmilewasseductive;infact,

heappearedcalm.Justthen,apurpleflowerdriftedintoherhair.Atalossforallformsof
interaction,shedarednotremoveit.Sheonlyhopedtobeblownaway,farupthestream,toaplace
whereaman’ssuperpowerswereoflittleeffect.Ifonlyshewasthatlucky.Instead,thedaywas
shapinguptobe“pickonJezebelday”.

“I’mreadytogobacktotheoffice.”Escapingwasthebestwaytogo.Aidanhadreadherstoryin

amatterofminutes.Jezebelhadtoenditfast,althoughtherewerestillatleastthirtyminutes
remainingintheirdate.

Aidanstood,reacheduptoherhairandbrushedasidetheflower.Beforeshecouldsaythankyou,

hislipsfoundtheirperfectmate.Shegaspedandpulledaway,instantlyreelingfromaboltofstatic.

“Don’ttellmeyoudon’tkisseither?”Nowhisheadwasslantedashetaunted.
“Actually,Idon’t.”
“Jezebel,you’reoneofakind.Let’sgetyoubacktowork.”
AstheyapproachedJezebel’sofficeshedecidedthatfromthispointon,Aidanwouldbeofflimits.

Theirsilentwalkwasdeafening.Hehadn’ttakenherhandagain,soshehopedtoavoidfurther
embarrassmentfromthispointon.

IV.

ThateveningJezebelworkedlaterthanusual.Therewasn’tmuchtodo,butshekeptfindingdifferent
waystorevampherExcelspreadsheets.Aftersheexhaustedthatbatch,sheturnedtoAccess.Sheoften
lostherselfintheworldofdatabases.Herstomachgrumbledandshetriedtoconditionhermindinto
believingthatfoodwastheleastofherworries.

Once7:15rolledaround,shestoppedkiddingherself.Wasthisreallynecessary?Thetruthofthe

matter:Workhadlittletodowithherdelay.Callitexcuse,fearoranyotherphrase.Itboileddownto
oneword,anametobeexact:Aidan.TherewasnowaytojustifyherfearofAidan.Sheeventually
packedupandheadedout.

TheeveningairdashedacrossJezebel’sface.Sheinhaled;notentirelyenticedbythecityfumes,

butsomewhatgladtobeoutdoors.Shecontemplatedspendingmoretimeoutdoorswhenshegot
home.Perhapsshe’dthrowsomethingonthegrill,andhaveaglassofwine.Yes...

Asshewasstrollinguptheblock,preparingtowalkpastAidan’soffice,herbodytensed.Andfor

amomentshepaused.Herheadturnedsidewaysandshepeeredatadimlight.Thethickcurtain
shadedwhateverwasgoingoninside.Nothingelsepromptedhertodrawnear.Thereweren’tany
voices.Noonecalledouthername.Shecertainlyhadnobusinesssnoopingaroundsomeoneelse’s
domain.Yetshefeltcompelled.Herrighthandreachedfortheknob.Sheturned,triedtopushand
pull,butitwaslocked.Feelingintrusiveandnonsensical,thesnooperspunaroundandwalkedoff,
knowingthatshemightneedatimeout.

“Jezebel?”
WhensheheardAidan’svoiceherkneesnearlybuckled.Didhehearme?Didheseeme?Dear

Lord,I’manidiot!Shepacedforward,marchingonefootforwardatalltimesandpretendingthathe
didn’texist,althoughitwasadifficulttask,consideringhewasrightbehindher.Loudthumps
overtookthesilenceuntilsherealizedthatitwasthepoundingofherheart.

Whenhedrewnearer,morethanafaroffsound,Jezebelspunaround.
“Oh...hiAidan.”Thewordswerebothfullofairandfullofcrap.
“Areyouokay?Whatareyoudoingoutsolate?”Hisarmlockedontoherupperbicep.
“Ihadsomereportstocomplete.Youknow,endofmonthstuff,”sheblurtedout,feelingsillyfor

lyingtoastranger.

“Forthesecondweek?”Hewassmirking.
Herlipstightenedasshecommandedthemtostayserious,angryeven.Shegazedupathiseyes

andlostit.Laughterburstout,trailingintothenight.

“Wereyoutryingtoavoidme,Jezebel?”
“Wereyoutryingtostalkme,Aidan?”
“Actually,Ididn’twanttogosouthandhavetoheadbackuptotheairport.”
“You’releaving?”
“Ohno.Mysister ’sflyinginfromWisconsinbeforesheheadsdowntoNorthCarolina.Herflight

wasdelayed,soIhavetowaititout.”

“Okay.”
“IwasplanningongettingabitebeforeIheadeduptoPhillyInternational.Doyouwannajoin

me?”

OnlythendidJezebelrealizethatherstomachwasstillgrowling.Shecoulddefinitelyuseameal.

“Sure,whynot?Doyouknowwhereyou’regoing?”

“Notreally.IwasheadingdowntotheRiverfront.”
“Icanmeetyouthere.”
“Ridewithme,please?”
Jezebeldidn’twanttogetintohiscar.Therewassomethingaboutthewayhesaid“ridewithme”.

Anaughtyvoicewithindaredhertoridewithhim,rideonhim...ridehim,period!Shenodded,
afraidofansweringwithwords.Notellingwhatmighthaveflownoutofhermouth.

TheysatatthebarofthequaintnewBrown’sandJezebelremovedherjacket,placingitonachair

alongwithherhandbag.Aidanreachedtotheseatofherchairandpulledforward,closer.Shewas
alreadyswooning,althoughalcoholhadnothingtodowithit.Jezebelcouldn’thandleherliquor,but
didn’twanthimtoknow.

“CanIgetasweetwine?”sheaskedthebartender.
“Anythingspecific?”theguyresponded.Hiseyesplantedonher,whileAidan’sfingerswere

matingwithhers.

“Moscatowouldbefine.CanIgetanorderofbonelesswingstoo?”
“That’sallyouwant?”Aidanleanedfurtherintoherspace.
“Whateverhappenedtomaintainingpersonalspace?”
“Wenevermadethatpact,”heteased.
“Ithoughtitwasauniversalorder.”
“PleaseJezebel,I’mAidan.Let’sforgetaboutwhatwedidordidn’tdointhepast.Canyougive

methatmuch?”Cleverfoggyblueeyessearchedhersoul.Hewasreachingforeverythingshekept
hidden,whilecommandingitbegone.

Jezebelhadtolethiswordsmarinate.Washereallytryingtoputherundermanners?WasAidan

expectinghertoforgetabouteverythingthatmadeherJezebel,theexperiencesthatshapedher
personality?

“Iseethewheelsturning,Jez.AllI’mtryingtosayisjustgivemeachance.Okay?”Hisvoicewas

smooth,buthisirisessparkledbeneathrecessedlighting.Andalthoughshedidn’tanswer,Jezebel
allowedAidantotouchherarm.Theynaturallydriftedtogether.

Therestaurantwasdimlylit,aperfectsettingforlovers.Jezebelsmiledatthethought.
Aidanreachedforheragain,takingholdofherfingersandplacingthemagainsthislips.
“Areyoutryingtoseduceme?”Everyinchofherflowedwithhisscentandsight.
“Iwanttodomorethanseduceyourbody.It’syourmindI’mafter,”heanswered.
“ForgivemeifIcomeacrossasaskeptic.I’veneverbeenwowedorsweptoffmyfeet.”
“Don’tyoubelieveinloveatfirstsight?”Hewasstillinpossessionofherfingersandhadbeen

kissingtheminbetweenwords.Whenhepulledaway,shefeltlikesomethingwasmissing.

“Loveatfirstsightisapleasingtheory.”Jezebelthoughtthroughheranswer.Shewasafraidto

admitthatshehopedforloveatfirstsight,orloveatall.

Whatifshedecidedtohopeandgotherheartbroken?
Whatifthebelieftrickedher,andevencameoutofhermouth?
Whatifshestartedtolosecontroloversucherraticemotionsandlostthefight?
Whatifthisloveturnedintoheartbreak?
Thesequestionsplaguedhermind.Herheartspedup.Asingleteardroprolleddownhercheek

beforeshecouldstopit.Aidannoticed.Hewastednotimeinwipingitaway.

“Don’tbeafraidtogiveitatry,”heencouraged.
“Youhaveallthebestslogans.Infact,you’realwaysquicktoencourageme.Butobviouslyyou’d

betheonetobenefit.”

Theirdrinksandappetizerssavedher.Sheknewthathisresponsewouldbecleverandthoughtful.

Andmaybeevenforcehertoadmitthat,foramanshe’djustmet,Jezebelwasalreadysmitten.

TheyhadcompletedtheirfoodandfinishedthedrinkswhenAidandecidedtocheckonthestatus

ofhissister ’sflight.Itwasjustunderanhourout.Notwantinghertowait,thecouplequicklyfinished
upandheadedouttotheparkinglot.

“Areyouokaytodrive?”Jezebelasked.Whentheyhadsteppedoutsideshedidn’tevenwaitfor

himtotakeherhand.Herpalmwasopenandwaiting.

“Ofcourse.Ionlyhadoneglass.That’sgrapejuice.”
Theychuckled.Heopenedthepassengersidedoor,directingherintotheseat.Hestoopeddown

andgentlycapturedherlipswithhisown.Shedidn’tfighthim.BythetimeAidanmadehiswaytothe
driver ’sside,buckledupandstartedtoreverse,Jezebelfeltheated.

“Canwe...talksomemore?”Shewasn’tsurewhytheword“talk”wouldn’tcomeouteasier,but

onlyknewthatsheneededtobenexttohimalittlewhilelonger.

Aidanmovedthemfurtherawayfromthestreetlights.Theyparkedbeneathatreewherethe

lightingwasnonexistent.Nosoonerhadtheystopped,thenJezebelwaswaitingtomeethislips.She
directedhimovertoherandpushedtheseatbackasfarasitcouldgo.Theirbodiesclumsilycame
togetheruntilhewasabletogetunderneathher.Jezebelstraddledhim.Herskirtrosehighenough
thatwhenhishandsgrippedherbottom,therewasmainlyskinavailable.Shepushedtowardhim,
grinding.Hethrustupwards,thenbroughtherdowntomeethiminunison.

Jezebelcouldn’tunderstandifthewinehadcausedthisbehaviororifshejustneededAidanthat

much.Whenshefelthisfingersfighttheirwaythroughhertightyellowpantiesandteaseherouter
delicacies,sheimmediatelyerupted.Buthedidn’tstop.Hecontinued.

“Aaaaaidan,”shecriedoutagainsthismouth.
“IwishIcouldtakeyouhomeanddosomuchmore.”Histonewasfilledwithhopeandpromise.

Shelostthefightagain.

Jezebelwassatedandembarrassedallatonce.Sheliftedup,quicklyunzippinghispantsand

wrappingherfingersaroundhisflesh.Shelovedthefeelofhimandtoldhimso.Commonsense
appearedandwarnedthatifshewasadifferentkindofgirl,shewouldhavegottendownonherknees
andtakenhiminhermouth.Hergoodsideremindedherthatnorespectablewomanwouldbeheldup
inavehicle,performingactssimilartothoseofawhore.Ratchetwasthewordthatcametomind.

Shefelthimcontract.Whetherornotshehadgottendownonherknees,hecouldn’tbestopped.

Althoughshehadn’tofficiallyhadsexwithhiminacar,downinthecityofWilmington,Jezebelfelt
likeshehad.Forahotminutefreedomwashers.Itwasenoughtobecomeindefinitelylost.

Aharshbuzzsetoff,cuttingintotheair.Thesounddidn’timmediatelyregister.Theymightas

wellhavebeenonaprivateisland.Thewindowswerefoggy.Theatmosphereenticedthemwiththe
essenceofdesire.Thephonebuzzedonceagain.

“You’renotgoingtogetthat?”sheasked.
“Ohyeah,”hereluctantlyreplied.Glancingaroundherhesaid,“Mysisterlanded.”
AidankissedJezebelontheforehead,nose,eachcheekandfinallylips.Shedidn’tallowhimto

linger.

“Youneedtogetyoursister.”
“Iwill.Letmejustgiveheracall.”HeconnectedtheBluetoothandKayleeimmediatelyanswered.
“Isthishowyoutakecareofme,Aidan?”Shesoundedyoung.
Jezebelsmiled.Itwarmedhertoheartheclosenessofthesiblings.

“Don’tworry,I’monmyway.”
“That’sfine.Ihaveasurpriseforyou,”shechuckled.
“DidMomsendacake?”
“Ibroughtyouatreat,butnotcake.”Shewaslaughingharder.Inthebackgroundwasanother

voicedoingthesame.

“Who’sthat?”Aidanasked.He’djustpulleduptowhereJezebelhadbeendirectinghimtowards

hercar.

“Sayhello...”Kayleetrailedoff.
“HiAidan,”asultryfemalevoicesoundedintotheline.
“Who’sthis?”heasked,soundinggenuinelycurious.
Jezebeldidn’twaittofindout.Shewasn’tsureitwasaquestionshewantedorneededtobe

answered.

“Goodnight,Aidan.”Jezebelrushedthewords,sprintingoutofhiscar.Sheheardhimcallafter

her,butsheracedtohercarandwasgoneinnotime.

Sheemployedarenewedsenseofdeterminationinordertodigoutofthecloudinessinhermind.

Shedecidedtochangethepast,denyitallandsaveherfeelings.

Thenightneverhappened.
Noneofit.
Jezebeltriedtocompelherselftobelievethat,innowdrivingaway,thiswasthemomentthatshe’d

lefttheoffice.

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