Book1,DarkHearts
sometimesthebadmen…arereal
by
CariSilverwood
Copyright2016CariSilverwood
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Acknowledgements
Ineedtothankallmybetareadersandmyauthorfriendswhohavehelpedme,aswellas
myothercrazyfriendswhoreadthisasIwroteit.Youknowwhoyouare.Iamso
grateful,always.
CarlyO’DonoghueandEmmaRose,JodyRhoton,JanineGardner,ScribeScarlett(erotic
author),andNicoletteHugo(BDSMauthor).IhopeIhaven’tmissedanyone.
AlsoathankyoutoSherryLynnWolfeforlendinghernameforacharacter.
Yourstoryisonlybeginninginthisbook.Beafraid,beveryafraid…
WickedWeapon,Book2,DarkHearts,willbeoutlateMarchtoApril4th,2016
forWickedWeapon
Book3,WickedHunt,willalsobeoutearly2016
Tojoinmymailinglistandreceivenoticeoffuturereleases:
Ifyou’dliketodiscussCariSilverwood’sbookswithagroupofotherreaders,you’re
welcometojointhisgrouponfacebook:
Chapter1
“Fatesitsonthesedarkbattlementsandfrowns,
Andastheportalopenstoreceiveme,
Avoiceinhollowmurmursthroughthecourts
Tellsofanamelessdeed.”-AnnRadcliff
Zorie
Afewyardsbeyondmytable,thebeachslopeddownfromthewidepatio.Thesealay
beforeme,stillandblue.DiningoutunderthestarsatPeeWee’s,attheEastPointof
Darwin,hadtobethemostromanticsetting,ever.
Thebarestshushofwavesmeetingsandreachedmyears,abovetheclinkof
tablewareandthelaughterandspeechofotherdiners.
Ismiledandtookanothersipofmychardonnay,leavingawet,red,lipstickmarkon
theedge.Theglass,whenheldhighandjiggled,madeawobblyandwateryfilterthrough
whichtoviewthescenery.
ApityIwasherebymyself.
Fuckalltheothersandtheirnightclubs,bingedrinking,andfawningovermen.At
leastnowIknewacoachtourwithabunchofotherAustralianswasmytickettoHell.
NotthatIwasn’talittledrunkandbeforemymainsarrivedtoo.Arecord,surely?
AflockofbirdsmadeaVoverhead,silhouettedagainsttheyellowandorangedusk
skyastheyheadedforsometreestoroostin.Istretchedbackmynecktofollowtheir
flight.
Afterthis,itwould’vebeengreattogoonabeachwalkbutasinglefemaleout
strollinginthenightwouldbelikedanglingmyleginapoolofcrocodiles.Ifeared
assault.Whowouldn’t?
Triedbeingwildonceandpaidtheprice.Experimentingwithkinkmeantopening
yourselfuptomenwhomightnotbealltheyappearedtobe.Youthhadequaledstupidity.
NowIwascautious,thoughtahead,butstilltriedtobemyself,enjoylife,andavoidthe
wolves.
PeeWee’swasnamedafteralocalbird.Themealsherewerepleasant,delicious,and
everythingI’dhopedfor.Thesettingstayedgorgeous.Theeveningsettledintoasortof
mutedexhilarationasIsampledentrée,dinnerandthendessert.Perfection,exceptforthe
fourmenatatableontheleft.Bold-as-helltypes.Oneofthemseemedtobemakingjokes
atmyexpense,whichmademygutcrawl.Thesortofmenwho’dsendmeacockpicture
onlinetointroducethemselves.
Isentguyslikethatawetpussypicture–acatinthemiddleofarainstorm.ThenI
blockedthem.ReallifemadeithardertoblockbutthemealwasgreatandsoIthanked
thewaitresseffusivelywhenshebroughtthebill.Goodkarmacancelledoutthebad.
Attheentrance,ashadowwarnedme,asdidthefootsteps.Imovedintowardthe
maîtred’enoughtoletwhoeveritwaspassbytoreachthedoor,onlytobeshockedbya
man’shandonmybareneck.
Weighty,warm,andthetouchspreadaninexplicablethrillthroughme,ashockwave
ofawareness.
Everythingstilled,silenced.
Themaîtred’lookedovermyshoulder,withacreaseformingbetweenhiseyes.
Fingerscaressedmynape.Itwasaviolationofmyprivatespace,anassault,butI’d
barelyopenedmymouthwhenIfeltlipsbrushmyear.Again,thatthrillcoursedthrough
meandIfoundI’dclosedmyeyes.
“Iknewyouwereone.Cometomeoutside.TheblackRangeRover.Saynothing,to
anyoneaboutthis.”Themurmurwasasrivetingashistouch.
Thisman,amanIcouldn’tevensee,he’dmademewet,instantly.Iwasalightwith
desire.Mylabiahadplumped,myclithadswelled,andmynippleshadtighteneduntil
theypointedintomybraasifmadeofaching,livingrock.
Icravedthemanbehindmetothepointofmybrainshuttingdown.
Walkingoutsidewasmyonlypriority.
Ifoundthevehicleandthedooropenedforme.
Alarmbells,therewerealarmbellsringinginmymind,sirens,allthat,butdistantand
irrelevant.Ishutthemdown.
“DidInottellyou?She’shere.”Hisvoicewaslanguidanddeep,hislaughinsulting.
“Come,sweetgirl,intomyevillair.”
“Evillair?”Someonechuckled.
Theirlaughterdidn’tdetermeatallbecausehe,hiswill,wasinsidemyhead,likea
solidforcecallingtome.
Iclimbedinandarmsenvelopedme.Themenbegantoremovemyclothes.Icame
oncebeforetheyweredone,whenhetouchedme,merelymassagingmyslitandtouching
meovermypanties.
Thevehiclecruised,rocked,growledovertheroad,andstoppedsomewhere.Though
removedfromthecar,Icouldn’tregistermysurroundings.Therewastoomuchemotion
raging,toomuchpleasureandtorment.
I’dfocuseddownonmybodyandhadstayedthere,feeling.
Theyplayedwithme,pokedme,pulledmeontotheirlaps,bitandsuckedonme,
penetratedmewithfingersandtongues.
Iwasasweaty,naked,panting,andannihilatedthingbeforeoneofthemeventookoff
hispants.Whenhewaspoisedabove,withmylegsbentatthekneeandheldasfarapart
bytwoothermenaswasphysicallypossible,Ishudderedatthethoughtofwhatwasabout
tohappen.Hishardcockrestedatmyentrance.WhenIgroanedoutonelong,throat-
caughtbreath,thelittlemovementofmybodycombinedwithmyextremeslipperiness,
andtheheadofhiscockslippedinsideme,aminusculeamount.
MyeyesrolledupasIwhimperedandtriedtosquirmclosertohimandimpale
myself.
Thenheshovedin,fuckingmelikeagod.Theorgasm,whenitstruck,was
Armageddonandwrackedmeuntilmymusclesseizedup.Ilaymindblasted,achingand
shivering,whilethemendiscussedwhatelsetodowithme.
Itseemedasifthey’ddecidedtheanswerwaseverything.
Afterward,Iwasleftstanding,shivering,inthealleybesidemyhotel,roughlydressed
andkissedbeforetheywalkedaway.Mymindwasstillcomingdownfromtheheavens.
WhenIcametotherealizationthatthis,now,wasreal…withmyhandproppedagainstthe
brickworkandsweatstillcoolingonmyskin,heavenbecameHalloween.
Therewascumallovermystomachandthighs,stickingmydresstome.Ihadno
panties.
IwasZorinaBrown,alecturerinbiologyattheUniversityofSydney.Upstanding
professionalcareer.Theworldaheadofme.SowhyhadIcroakedoutayeswhentheman
hadtoldmehe’dseemeagaintomorrow.
ItwasoneAM.Tomorrowwastoday.
HadIgoneinsane?
*****
MisterBlack
Findingheraftertheyleftherwaseasy.Icouldsensemyownkind,whereasthey
wereobliviousofmypresence.Iwatchedthealleywherethey’dlefther,fromacrossthe
road.Tokeephersafe?Probably.
Shegaveoffthatauraofsexualavailabilitythatsusceptiblewomenemanated.Itmade
myjawmusclestighten,mynostrilsdilate,mycockachetogetinsideher.Tenyearsago,
Iwouldhavesnatchedherupmyself,takenherbacktoGreeceandkeptherawhile.Not
now.Thatwasn’twhyIwashere.
Tenyearsago,Ihadn’trealizedtherewereothermenlikemyself.Menwhocould
takecontrolofcertainfemales.Twentyyearsago,whenmyabilityhadsurfaced,I’dbeen,
astheBritishsay,happyasapiginmuck.Thepowerhadbroughtwithitanobsession
withsex,andwhatyoungmanwouldn’texultinthat?
WhenI’dfoundtherewereothermenlikeme,I’dbeencuriousbutleftthemalone.
Wewerefewandfarbetween,distantpredatorsonthisimmenseplanet,alongwith
millionsofsimilarhumanbeings.WhyshouldIcareabouttheothers?
Iignoredthem,untilthedayIfoundmyLondoncolleagues.Theyweredoingthings
thatwouldputthedeviltoshame.
Therewasfuckingwomen.
Therewasplayingwiththemsadisticallywhilemakingthemfeelpleasure–my
favorite,ofcourse.
Therewashurtingthempermanentlyandsickeningly.
Therewasterrifyingthem,andtherewaskilling.
Allthis,beneaththeprettysurfaceofLondon.
Theywereprofessionalatwhattheydid,andIwasn’tanassassin.NeitherdidIwant
theattentionofthelaw.Ididn’twanttodiewhiletryingtobesomesortofhero.
Mypervertedmoralswereinatwist,andIhadpersonalreasonsformyhate.I’dgiven
myselfamission,andI’dgoneinsearchofasoftertarget.Mylittlepetscientist,Dr.
Maddie,hadthoughtImightbegroundzero,patientzero,themanwhobeganitall.She
thoughtIwasspreadingit.I’dreasonedthatifthatweretrue,Iknewwherethereshould
bemoreofme.I’dhauntedAustraliaandafewothercountries,yearsbefore.
I’dfoundReubenattherestaurant,first,thenI’dsensedher.MissZorina,orZorie.I’d
heardhertellthewaitresstocallherthat.
Reubencouldbemytestcase,ifhewasbadenoughtowarrantit.Tonighthe’dproven
hewasnasty.EventhoughI’dpossiblydoneworseduringmyfrenziedpast,Iwassorry
forthewoman.
Iturnedthatover,tryingtoseewhy.
Likeallacquiredwomen,shewasenjoyingwhatwasgivenher.Sheseemed
attractive,nice…edible.
Isnorted.Myinstinctshadatendencytoclawtheirwaytothesurface.ApityIhadno
onetofucktogetheroutofmysystem.
Amanapproachedthealleybutwalkedpast.Sheemergedaminutelaterandmade
herwaytothehotelentry.Thoughshelookeddisheveled,asaguestthey’dallowherin.I
waitedanyway,tomakecertain.Mostwouldtrytobequietaboutit,butnotthisone.At
thesteps,shesmoothedherdressstraighter,pulledbackhershoulders,andwalkedin
proudly.Wasshepretendingnothinghadhappenedtoher?Icaughtahintofanger,of
beingpissedoff,astheycalledithere.
Angerwouldbeunusual.PrettyZoriehadbeentastedbyamesmer–mytermI’d
inventedforus.Sheshouldbereelingfromtheaftereffectsbutnotinthatway.No
ordinarymanwouldgetanywherewithhernow.Itwasliketryingtoimpressawoman
who’dseenthemoon,thesun,andthestars,withdullbaubles.
ThiswasthethirdmesmerandthefifthacquiredwomanI’dfoundinthiscountry.She
feltdifferent.Describingwhyorhowwasbeyondme,exceptsheseemedlikeapointy
rockinthemiddleofafloorofsmoothpebbles–avulnerable,sexuallyinterestingsharp
thing.
IsmiledatmyanalogyasIleanedmyshoulderagainstthebuilding,stayinginthe
shadows.
WasIherguardianangel?Probablynot.Guardiansdidn’twanttofeedtheirchargesto
monsters,orusethemasinstrumentsofdeath…
Orscrewthemuntiltheyscreamed.
Chapter2
“Howdoyourunawayfromthingsthatareinyourhead?”-Anon
Zorie
Imadeittomyhotelroomandletthedoorclosebehindme,walkedroboticallytothe
bathroom.Everythingwentintherubbishbin.Dress,underwear.Icouldseethestains,
evensomesmearsofblood,butrefusedtolookinthemirror.
Fuckthis.Whatafuckingnight.
Theheatoftheshoweronlyfoggedupmyheadmore.Tired,sotired.Icouldbarely
keepmyeyesopen.Sonauseated.Mystomachroiledwithheaviness.
Sooverwhelmed.
Whatthey’ddonetome…
Ithadbeenmagnificent.Eyesshut,withthewarmwatercascadingovermyhead,I
rememberedbeingheldagainstawall,somewhere.They’dalternatedfinger-fuckingme,
bothvaginallyandanally,thentakingmeinbothplaces.Myorgasmshadshatteredme,
shakenmetomysoul.Simplythinkingaboutthatmadealittlefrissonrockme.
MylipshadpartedandIwaspanting.
Iclosedmymouthandswallowedbeforeopeningmyeyes,staringthroughthe
splatterofwateratthepolishedgraniteoftheshowerwall.Condoms,he’dmadethemdo
that.Thankgod.
You’reminenow.Whenhe’dcarriedmetothealley,he’dsaidthat.Ishivered,my
nipplespeakingasIclaspedmyarmsaboutmyself,beneathmybreasts.
Afterdryingmybody,Iwrappedmyselfinthetowelandwanderedouttothebed
area.
Ididn’tknowifIknewwhoIwasanymore.Therewassomethingwithinthatwasn’t
me.Notaparasiteoracreature,no.Itwashispresence.Hiswords.Hiswishes.Theywere
twistingmeoutofshapeintosomethingugly.
Ifelltomykneesandleaneddownuntilmyforeheadmettherug,thenstayedthere,
rocking.Inaminute,I’dhavetothinkthisthrough,thinkeverythingthrough.Thatwas
goingtodevastateme.
LyingonthecarpetwastemptingbutIrevivedenoughtogotothebedandcurlonmy
sideonthequiltinstead.
Mostofmymemorieshadblurredtogether.FaceswereabsentbecauseI’dnever
looked.Hadmyeyesevenbeenopen?Themenattheothertable.Couldithavebeen
them?Yes.But…Iburiedmyfaceinmyhands…Ididn’tknow.Itmighthavebeenanyof
themenattherestaurant.
Hadallthisbeentheresultofmyowndesires?Maybeitwasme?MaybeIwasreally
thatwicked?Blamingsomeoneelsewaswrong,except,whatmendidthattoawoman
they’djustmet?Awomanwhowasn’tapaidwhore.Andreallyevenawhoredeserved
better.
No.Itwasn’tme.Couldn’tbe.Imustbelievethat.Must.
Whydidthatmanhavesuchaholdoverme?EverytimeIthoughtofhim,Iwanted
hishandsonmeagain.AndyetIdidn’tknowhisname.
Iamnotawhore.
Idrifted,mythoughtsajumble,havingdecidednothing,becauseIhadnocluesasto
whoithadbeenexceptforvagueassumptions.Nowayofevenknowingwhythey’d
chosenmetobetheirfucktoy.Thatdisgustingword,ifeveritcouldbeappliedtoanyone,
itwasme,thisnight.Mydepravitymademedespairasdidmycravingsformoreofthe
same.
Iputmyhandsbetweenmylegstoamplifytheever-presentthrobofmypussy,the
stingoftheirscratchesandbites,andeventheacheinmyasshole.I’dneverhadanal
beforebuthadbeensoaroused…
Ishookmyhead.Sodirty.“Fuck.WhydidIletthishappen?”
Everyonesaidfuck,buteveryonedidnotletthemselvesbethestarofanimpromptu
gangbang.
Hiscockinsideme,fuckingme,thatpivotalmomentwaswhatwasgoingaroundand
aroundinmyheadwhensleepmercifullyovercamemyloopofinsanity.
Chapter3
“Iamthemasterofmyfate.Iamthecaptainofmysoul.”-WilliamErnestHenley
Zorie
ThetrillofthephonepenetratedmydazeandIjerkedintoasittingposition,horrifiedby
somethingunknownlurkingintheroom.
Realityarrivedanditwasworsethananynightmare.Ihaddonebadthings.Clamping
myeyesshut,Ithrustawaythememoriesandsummonedsomecalmness.ThenIlunged
forthebedsidephone.
“Hello.”
“Ma’amthetourorganizerwishestoadviseyoutheywillbeleavinginfiveminutes
forthescheduleddaytriptoKakadu.”
“Oh.”Iblinkedandclearedmythroat.Therewasnopossibilityofmegoing.“I’m
sorry.I’mnotfeelingwell.PleasetellhimI’llnotbecomingtoday.”
Therewerepeopleouttherewhothoughttheworldwasthesameasithadbeen
yesterday.Notme.I’dbrokenthroughabarrierintosomealternatetimeandplacewhereI
wasn’tZorina,therespectedlecturer;Iwasabrokensexualthing.
“Thankyou,ma’am,I’llpassonthatmessage.Ifthere’sanythingIcanhelpyou
with?”
“No.Thankyou.”
WhenIhungup,Istayedthere,proppedonmyelbow,staringatnothingacrossthe
room.Theurgewasthere.Infullforce.Today,he’dsaid.Butsleephadbroughtsome
clarity,somenewness,andsomedistance.Icouldfeelanedgeofuncertaintyand
resistance.Itwasaweird,butthere,likeasolidobject,likeapieceofpaperIcouldlever
offthegroundatmyfeetifIwantedtodoitenough.
Whatif…
Iswitchedgearsandthoughtelsewhere.Myforte.Mystrength.Thinkingoutside,
around,anywhereelsebutinsidethebox.Stayawayfromthenasty.
Beme.
AndIamnotabrokenthing.
Nomanwoulddothattomeagain,ever.
Isatupanddugmynailsintomypalm,watchingmyskingopalearoundthem.
IneededtoreturntoSydneytoday.Yes.Topreparefornextsemester.Somanyofmy
studentsneededmethere,like,infullhelpermode.IlecturedandIwastherefortheones
withtheneedformore–studentslikeCherieWolfe.Ilatchedontothatdetail,needinga
solidfacttoanchortomynew-founddetermination.Suchagreatstudentandalovely
personwhotriedsohard.IwantedtodragthegirlthroughexamsanywayIcould,aslong
asshelearnedthesubjectwell.
Theurgenudgedme.
Shutup.
Theairport?IfoundaseatreturningtoSydney,intwohours.Bookedit.Toldthe
hotelreceptionistIhadtogobackearlyduetoanemergency.Excusedmyselffromthe
tour.Alldone.
Ipackedonautomatic,fast,efficient,notthinkingabout…anythingelse.Breathing,
packing,breathingaroundthepanicthatthreatened.
Intheplaneonthewayback,Ihadtoomuchtimetothink.
They’dheldmedownacrossthecar’shood.
Irememberedthecoldsmoothnessonmystomachasoneofthemhauledbackmy
hair,painfully.Theheatacrossmyassfromsomeonesmackingmetherebefore,while
theylaughedagain,theircocksout,thrustingintomymouth,oneaftertheother.Theburn
asacockslidintomyasshole,madeslipperywithmyownjuices.They’dlaughedover
thattoo,howwetIwas.He’dsaiddirtythingslikemylittlewhoreandhowprettyIlooked
beingass-fuckedwithmymouthwetwithcum.Allthis,afterhe’dpulledoutofme.He’d
comeinsidemesecondsbefore.He’dmademeopenmyeyesandlookathimwhilehe
talked,whileasecondmanfuckedmyass,andwhilethesideofmyfacewascum-stuck
andslidingbackandforthandtheotheronegruntedandsworeandshovedintome.
Ithadhurt.Ithadmademeclimax.Allthatandnow,here,Iwassqueezingmythighs
togetherinthisplaneseatanddesperatetomasturbateonthespot.
Myprettywhore.
AndIcouldn’trememberhisface.
TheneedtogobacktohimstruckfullforceandIclawedmynailsintothearmrests
untilmynailshurtfromthepressure.Somethinghadtobringmebacktothenow.I
wrestledmymindintothinkingelsewhere.Evenso,wantingtheimpossibletauntedme
fortherestoftheflight.
Disembarkingwasafoggyexercise.Ibarelyrememberedtocollectmybags.
Thetaxiridehomebroughtcontemptforwhathadoncehappened,onceuponatime,
asthestreetswoveby.Itwasfairytale.Abadfairytale.ThesoundsandsmellsofSydney
settledin.Bigcitiesexudedtrafficsmellsandpeoplesmellsinsomesubtleandnot-so-
subtleways.Theskylinefilledwithbuildings,likefriendscrowdingaround,wantingto
hearaboutwhereI’dbeen.Grainsoffamiliaritycloakedthepast,smotheredwhatpulled
atme.Theurgewassinkinganddistant.
WhatI’ddone,no…whatI’dletdonetome,itwasgone.Anepisodeofmadness.
IshouldcallthepolicebutknewIwouldn’tandcouldn’t.Iwasn’ttotellanyone.That
partofhimhadstayedstrongevenifI’dmanagedtosidestepthaturgehe’dsomehow
installedinme.
Hypnotism,itmustbesomethinglikethat.Maybewhenitworeoff,Icouldcallthe
cops.
Maybe.
Iunpackedatmyterracehouseandlayawhileonmyquiltwiththepatternof
seashellsandpostcardsfromthesea,thenIwentouttomylittlewall-cozyminigarden,
withthetopiaryandtheart-nouveau-stylefountain.Isankintoawickerchair.AndIwept.
Thetearsgavemeroomtolosethelastofhisinfluence.
OrsoIthoughtatfirst.
Itwasn’tquitetrue.
TherewasatendrilofremembranceandperhapsI’dneverlosethat.Amereslender
tendrilthattuggedlessandlessasthehourswentby.
Imadetheroundsofmyneighborhood,lettingmundanitysiftinbysippingcoffeein
myfavoritecaféamongthelaughterandsoundsofpeoplechattingandeating.Iwalked
throughtheparkandstoodundertheoldfigtreemarvelingatthebirdsflittingtoandfro,
frombranchtobranch,chidingeachother.Latespring,sothematingdancesoflittle
creatureswereinfullfling.
Iwenttosleepthatnightwithasmileonmyface.TomorrowI’dcatchupwith
friends,maybethinkaboutthecourseplans.ItwasworkbutIneededthat.
FromtheedgesofsleepIremembered…
Fucking.
Thatmademerolloverandblinkattheceiling,inthedarkness.Thewind
strengthenedoutside,throwingshadowsonthetimberlouvresandrattlingthewindowson
thisupstairsbedroom.ItwouldbeawhilebeforeIwasbraveenoughforsexagain.
Wouldanymanevermatch…that?Scared,manhandled,fuckedintooblivion.
Isqueezedmythighsandknewmyclitwasswollenenoughtonudgeatmypanties,
knewthecrotchwasdamp,already.Thecaressofclothteasedmynipples.Wherehadthis
wildnesscomefrom?
Sleep.Iturnedoveranddraggedmysecondpillowovermyhead,ignoringthecallof
mybody.
Chapter4
“Remembermyfriend,thatknowledgeisstrongerthanmemory,andweshouldnottrust
theweaker”-BramStoker
Zorie
Ayearwentbyanditwassummerholidays.I’dsurvivedayearandthatman–themanI
dreadedmightwalkuptomeandclaimme–he’dnevermaterialized.
Iwasn’tsureI’devenrecognizehimifIsawhim.
Thestudentshadmostlygonehome,thoughafewalwaysstayedoveratthe
accommodationcolleges.I’ddonethattheyearmyfatherhaddied.
Soonafterthat,mymotherhadsufferedabreakdownandhadbeenplacedina
hospital,hereinSydney.There’dbeennopointinmegoingtoadesertedhome.My
parentshadn’tbelievedinpets.Dustingcupboardsandshitwhileworryingwasn’tmy
thing.Stalkingtheuniversitygroundsandchewingmynailswasfarmorefruitful.
Thoseholidays,I’dlearnedexactlyhowmanybuildingstherewereoncampus.
Moneyhadbecomeaproblem.Mymotherhadbeenmigratedtoahigh-care
retirementhomeattheageoffifty-three.Imadeupfortheshortfallinmyfinanceswith
waitressingandbarmaidwork.Whenmyoldersister,Amelia,nowphysiotherapistand
married,hadtakenoverthepaperworkwithapowerofattorney,I’dgonebacktostudy.
Mymotherhaddiedwithintheyear.I’dbeenleftminusafamilyexceptforAmelia,and
thenmysisterhadgonebacktoPerth,thousandsofmilesawayacrosstheothersideof
Australia.
RelativesinPolandhadsentcondolences.
MyworldhadbeensuddenlyemptybutI’dsurvived.Ihadto.Theminusesofbeing
borntoolderparents,Iguessed–beingleftalone.
Thepluses?Inheriting.Itwasn’tafairtrade.I’dratherhavehadmymumanddad
back.
Noonehadseenfittoturnbacktimeandfixthatsmallproblem.
Now?WhocouldIhavetoldaboutwhathadhappenedinDarwinevenifthat
silencingcommandhadn’tbeeninplace?Friends?Myslightlyrebelliousbutreally
sociallycompliantfriends?Nobody.Mysisterwouldhaveeitherscoffed,orfainted.
Ihadn’tspokenaword.Bottleditup.Letitstew.Hatedmyselfmostnightswiththe
strengthofathousandsuns.
Ofcourse,theonetimewhenI’dbeentemptedtotell,onlyafewmonthsago,my
tonguehadfrozenup.Hiswordshadremainedasolidforce.Thathadbeenscary.
Ayearhadgonebyandnowamanwasinterestedinme.Grimm.Whatanamefora
librarian.
We’dmetattheuniversitylibraryafewweeksagoandhadclickedwithinminutesof
talking.Thathewasbig,tattooed,andanex-bouncerhadaddedtohisappeal.The
combinationamused,attracted,andevenflusteredme,especiallywhenhe’dcomepast
andsatontheedgeofthedeskatwhichIwasworking.Therewassomethingaboutink
curlingacrossaman’sbulgingbicepthatinvokedthedanceofhorniness.
Afterhe’dstoodandwalkedon,markingtheexampapershadbeendifficultto
concentrateon.
Thesexualappealworkedbothways,itseemed.Funnyhowamanandawoman
knewwhenthingslikethatwerehappening.HewasthefirstmansincetheDarwinfiasco
who’drungmybellintheslightest.I’dbeenwonderingifIwasasexual.
Thesecondtimewe’dmet,he’daskedforadate.OnlynowIcouldn’trecallifhe’d
saidhislastname.Thatwasprobablyadatingblunder.
Thiscafédatehadbeenasoftoption,thoughhewaslate.
SittingatatableonthefootpathconjuredaParisianambience.Theslow,almost
walkingspeedtrafficthroughthelittlestreetnexttoZirrango’s,madeitevenmore
pleasant,asdidthedrapingfernsscreeningthestreet,andtheaccentsoftimberand
stoneworkinthedécor.Abreezestirredthefronds,themagazines,andthenewspapers
patronswerereading.ThiswasabeautifulplacetospendalazySaturdaymorninghaving
brunch.
AyearormoresincemymealatPeeWee’sinDarwin.Sincemycrazygangbang
fiasco.
“Nicehere.”Amalevoice.
Lostinthepast,Istartedasalargemansteppedacrossmystreetview–blackpants,
ivoryshirt,withhishandsettlingonthebackoftheoppositechair.“IwaswonderingifI
couldjoinyou?”
IsmiledupatGrimm.“Dependsonwhoyouare.”
Myamusedeyebrowtwitchmusthavepromptedhisnextwords.
“Whowouldyoulikemetobe?Aprince?Avillainwholikessweepingladiesoffto
mylair?”
“Hmmm.”Ipretendedtothinkashesatdown.
Grimmwassobigandfitlooking,withsucharuggedface,thathecould’vebeena
villaineasily.Thelittlescarthroughhiseyebrow,plushissun-bleached,tied-backhair,
saiddevilishintheextreme.
Hismetal-and-blackplasticchairmadesqueaksandcreaksashescooteditincloserto
thetable.Anymanwhocouldtortureachairwithhisweightimpressedme.
Villains.Iknewallaboutthose.
Mygriponthecoldwine-glassstemwasmakingmyfingersache.IfIsnappeditand
cutmyhand,I’dendupinhospitalgettingstitches.Iclearedmythroatthentookasmall
gulpofwine.Fuck,wasIgoingtoletthatnightruinmylifeforever?
“Avillain?”Iventured.
“I’llbethesortthatissweetbeneaththeevil.AndIpromisenottobite.”Thebass
noteofhiswordsrumbledthroughme.
Sweet.Evil.
JesusH…
Ialmostbreathedinwine.ToyingwithGrimminconversationwasproving
hazardous.
“IthinkIcanseeyouasavillain,thesweetkind.”Warmthsuffusedbetweenmylegs.
Bitingbyamanenticedme.Alwayshad.
Grimmlookedlikebitingwouldbeaminorhobby.Hemightn’twearaHell’sAngel
jacketorhaveskullearrings,buthelookedlikehe’dbedangerousinbed.Amadly
dangerouslibrariancrossbouncer.
Myfingersassaultedthewineglassstem,again.
“So.”Heshiftedforwardandplacedhiselbowsonthetable.“Zorinaisanunusual
name.Younevertoldmewhereitcamefrom.SoundsEuropean,aswellaspretty.I’ve
orderedanotherbottlebytheway.”
Soassured.
“I’mnotintogettingsupremelydrunkonaSaturdaymorning.”Thewineglassinmy
handmademesmirk.“Much.”
“Ijustpreferared.Thoughyoucangetsupremelydrunkifyouwantto.”Hesmiled.
HadIbeentooweird?ThatbigmaleaurathatovercamemewhenIwasthiscloseto
guyswaspossiblymakingmestupid.Thoughamanwantingmedrunkskatedclosetoa
dangersigntoo.
Ahh.Damnit.Mypastwasmakingthedatinggameaminefield.Grimmwasnormal.
Itwasme.
Howmanywomenwentoutandlearnedtoshootapistolsoastokillamanifheever
turnedupagain?Howmanykeptthatpistolinadrawerbesideherbeddespitethelaw
sayingagunsafewasmandatory?Howmanyruledoutlearningself-defenseasuseful
becauseIjustknewonetouchfromhimwouldhavemesurrenderingmyself?ThoughI’d
takenkickboxingandself-defenseclassesanyway.Itcouldn’thurt.
Grimmwasstaring.
Ifumbled,tryingtorecallwhatwe’dbeentalkingabout.
“ZorinaisSlavic,soit’sEuropean,yes.Myparentshadathingfordifferentnames.
WheredoesGrimcomefrom?Seemsratherdark.”
“It’stwoM’sforGrimm.MumlikedGrimm’sfairytales.Alongwithmylastname,
it’sgoodforscaringpeoplebutnotmuchelse.”
NowIhadtoask.“Youhaveascarylastname?Iprobablysawitonyournametagat
uni.Ifit’snotReaper,whatisit?”
Awaiterarrivedwithabottleofcabernetandplacedasecondwineglassbefore
Grimmthen,atmynod,hepluckedthebottleofchardonnayfromthebucketofice.He
filledmyglassthenchangedbottlestofillGrimm’swiththered.
“Thankyou,”Grimmsaidtothewaiter,beforeturningtomeagain.“Mylastnameis
Heller.”
“GrimmHeller?MineisBrown.”
Henodded.“Iknowwhoyouare.You’realecturer.I’veseenyournamemanytimes.
Noticedyoulastyear,infact.”Hechuckled.“IpromiseI’mnotastalker.”
Ifoundmycheeksheating.Ofcoursehe’dknow.“Ihaveaboringlastname.”Grimm
Hellerhadrolledoffmytonguelikehoney,thoughmaybethatwasthechardonnay
workingonme.“Hellerdoessoundscary.Youshouldbeaspyorajetfighterpilotwitha
namelikethat.”
Inthemiddleoftastingthewine,Grimmcoughedandhadtowipehismouthwiththe
tablenapkin.“Thankyou,Zorina,Ithink.”
Themansayingmynamemademyheartpickuppace.Igrinnedandmadea
throwawaygesture.“Changeyourlineofwork.But,Zorie,please.Idon’treallyusethe
fullnameanymoreunlessit’sforstudents.”
Myfoodarrived,asdidhis.I’dorderedlightwhilehehadsomemonstrousbreakfast.
Watchinghimshovelitallinwasbreath-taking.Magicianshadnothingonthismaneating
food.
Grimmwasgoodcompany–smart,funnyeven.Ievenfoundmyselfgigglingathis
stories.ThebottleofchardonnaywasbarelyhalfwaydownandIwaslaughingathis
jokes.Grimmseemeddaringyetpoliteandforsomereasonthatbotheredme.Still,fora
datewithamanwhowaswayabovemygradeinsexiness,thingsweregoing
swimmingly.
Coffeeanddessertarrived.Mystomachsqueezedinwithanxiety.
Theendofthedatewasapproaching.Whydidthatworryme?
Becausehewasaman,andmenhaddonebadthingstome.
Atouchaslightasoneofthefernfrondsbrushedmyneck,sendingtinglescascading
downmybody,makingmyeyelidsquivershut,makingmewetandmynipplesspikeinto
mybra.
Him.
Somewherenear.
Thenthetouchwasgone.
Theworldcrushedinonmyheart.
Breathingwithquiet,strangledgasps,Ipeeredaroundthecafe,finallydaringtoturn
inmychairandlookateveryone–pedestrians,cars,patrons,waiters.Noonestoodout.
He’snothere.ThemanIlostayearagoisnothere.ButIwasn’tquiteconvinced.
“Zorie,areyouokay?”Grimmtookmyhand.
Ishooklooseandstood,shovingmychairbacksofastittippedthenbangedback
downontothepavers.“Ihavetogo.I’msorry.”MymouthfirmedasIreturnedhis
startledgaze.“I’msorry.It’snotyou.”
Notime.Notime.Getoutofhere.WhynotuseGrimmasaguard?No.
“What?”Hefrowned.“DidIdosomething?”
“No.”
Icouldn’ttrusthim.Maybehe’dbroughtthison…somehow.
Ipulledsomecashfrommypurse,putitonthetable,andIfled.
Thatnight,Icontemplatedrunning.Butwhereto?Seatedinthekitchenwithallthe
doorsandwindowsofmyhouselockedtight,Ithoughttheincidentthrough,overand
over.Ithadbeenaonesecondfeelingatmost.MaybeI’dimaginedit?
Iglancedatmyphoneasitmadethetextmessagesound.It’dbeGrimmagain.My
responsecouldwaituntiltomorrow.
Whenanothertextbleepedin,Igavein,pickedupmymobilephoneandtextedback,
Sorry,Igetpanicattacks.Justme.Mypast.I’mfinenow.
Readinghisfiveoreighttextmessageswaspointless.He’dneverwanttoseeme
againbutthatwasprobablyforthebest.Forabarelythereboyfriend,hesureliked
texting.IguessedImust’velookedfreakedout.
Evensteppingintomyupstairsbedroomgavemeapanicattack.Everycornerhadto
beexamined.Iputthepistolontopofmybedsidesetofdrawers.Handslooselyclasped
overmychest,Iwatchedthegrayedceilingforhours.Giganticspidersinhorrormovies
hadnothingonmyfears.SometimewellafteroneAM,Isankintoarestlesssleep.
Chapter5
Zorie
WhenIawokeitwastoaninstantrecognitionofthecraving.Hewashere.Close.
Myheartwasalreadybangingawaymadly.Itknew.Asleep,I’dresponded.
IfIstayed,he’dgetmehere.
Forafewseconds,Iclosedmyeyes,wantingtoletthathappen.
ThenIflungasidethesheetsandleapedoutofbed.Theclocksaid9.10AM.I’dslept
thatlong?
Dress.Gosomewherepublic.Somewheresafe.Maybeapolicestation?Confronthim.
Herewasdangerous.
Wait.
HowdidheknowwhereIlived?
Hadhefollowedmycarwithoutmeknowing?OrhadGrimmtoldhim?
WhythefuckwouldGrimmevenknowhim?Iwasn’tfunctioningproperlyanymore.
He’scoming.
Blacknesstoreupthroughmeandmyheartbledfear.Ishudderedandshookmyself
free.Dressingbecamechaotic.Idroppedthings,thoughItriedtobecalm,butevery
secondbroughtanawarenessoftoolittletime,toomuchclosenesstothatman.
Howwasthisso?Coulditnotbepurelyinmyimagination?Aloomingwalloffear
anddesirecollapsedsuchthoughts.Thiswasreal.Hewas.ThatmonsterwassocloseI
couldseehimraisinghishandtoknockatmydoor,ortinklethelittleBuddhistbellonthe
wall.Andtheworstofit?Iwouldgotohimthen.Iwould.
Thegun?I’dtakeit.
Dressingmeantgrabthenearestpieceofclothingandthrowiton.Imanagedpanties
andbra,thoughtryingtodouptheclippanickedme.Ipulledonalightdressandleaped
downthestairs,threeatatime,headingforthedoortothegarage.
MyMazdastartedinonetryandIbackedoutthedrivewaytoseeawhiteBMW
cruisingupthestreet,andknewinstantlyhewasinside.Thathemighthaveaccomplices
againmademyeyesightblur–soscaredIcouldn’tfocus.
Iaccelerated,screechingtires,withmyhandsclampedtothewheel.
IfIwenttoafriend’shouse,likeGeorgeandAnya’s,wouldthatmeantheywould
saveme,iftheywerehome,orwouldIinvolvetheminmymess?
Ifashoppingcenter,whowastosayhe,orthey,wouldn’tcornermesomewhere?
Thepolice.Ithadtobethat.Mypreviousreluctancetotalktothemabouttheincident
mademedecidetorehearse.
Iimaginedindepth–everyword,everymotion,fillinginsomepoliceform,
identifyinghim.Shit.HowcouldI?
Readingtheregistrationintherear-viewmirrorwasdifficultsincethecarstayeda
fewvehiclesbackfrommine.MaybeIshouldstopandseewhowasinthatcar?
Fuck,fuckitty,hellandno.
Nothingwastriggeredbymerehearsinginmyhead.Noimperativecommand.
I’dgouptothepolicedeskandtellthem,everything.Allofit.
Theparkingsituationwashorrendous–nospaces,anywhere.Allthewhile,thewhite
carfollowed,notclosingin,notdoinganythingexcepttrailingalongbehindme,street
afterstreet.Itwasasifabeaststalkedme,sureoftheresult,patient.
Fuckthem.
IswiveledthewheelandnailedthecarintoaparkingspacesosmallIscraped
bumpersonthewayin,wrenchedopenthedoor,andstopped.
Thegun!Fuck.
Thecopswouldhavemetaldetectorsatthedoor.
Isnatcheditfrombeneaththejacketonthepassengerseatthenslippeditunderthe
seat.
ThatIheardamusementinmymind,notlaughter,notsound,just…amusement–that
frightenedme.
Withdifficulty,Ishutdownmypanic.Atthestepsleadinguptothedoubleglass
entryway,IslowedandwalkedupasifIhadnothingonmymindexceptshoppingor
cookingdinner.Themaindeskforvisitorswasinsidetotheleft,withseveraluniformed
officersnearby,andallwerearmed.Theterroristsituationwasaplus.Normallythey’dnot
havesidearms.Istrodetowardthem,waitinginalinebehindanelderlyman.Gray,
balding,thin.Bythetimehewasalmostdonereportingamisdemeanor,Icould’vedrawn
adiagramofhisscalpanddescribedeveryofficerinsight.Itwasonewaytodistract
myself.
ThenIfelthimstepintothebuilding.Inthebackofmymind,Ifeltsomethingakinto
apresencepoppingintoexistence.
Hewaitedsomewherebackthere,notmoving.Myskincrawledwithgoosebumps.
Thehardrapofhisfootstepstoldmehewasasolidmanwearingsolidshoes.His
colognewhenhestoppedjustbehindmesaidhewasaparticularmanwithhisscentif
nothingelse.
Thiswasthemanwhohadmademebestillandnotcryoutwhilehisfriendsfucked
me.
Myeyesseemedtosqueezeintomyskull.Sightblankedoutentirelyforseveral
seconds.
“Goodmorning,Zorie.Don’tgoanywhere,willyou.”Hisvoicefrozeme.Nota
question.Astatement.
Heknowsmynickname.
Theoldmanwalkedawayandthesergeantturnedtoentersomedataintohis
computer.Ineededtotakethatonestepforward.Justthat.Onestep.
One.FuckingStep.
ButIcouldn’tmoveanythingmorethanmytoes,eveniftheywerecurledupsotight
ithurt–asifbyusingthemaloneIcouldpropelmyselfforward.
Hisamusementwasthereinmymind.
Hismouthbrushedmyearasithadthatothertime.“Comewithme.”
MyentirebodythrummedintoastateofarousalandIsighed,myeyelidslowering,as
Itiltedmyheadtoallowhimbetteraccesstomyneck.
“Areyouokay,miss?”Thesergeantwasspeaking.
Imethisgaze,smiled,becausethatwaswhatmytraitorousmindwanted,andsaid,
“I’mfine.Thankyou.”ThenIturned,gavehimonestare.Thatclosedmythroatdown,
thenmymind,andmaybemyheartstoppedbeating.
Asecondlater,heslippedhishandaroundmineandwewalkedtothedoorsandout
intothesunshine.
Outsidewaswarmandglary.Ihadtotakecarenottotrip.
Whatwashishaircolor?Theshapeofhisface?Icouldn’trecall.Lookingintothesun
wouldhavebeenlessoverwhelming,lessfrightening.
Truly,therewerenowordstodescribehowitfelttohavehislargehandclasping
mine.Hecouldeatmewhole,inonebite,andI’dnotprotest.
Chapter6
Zorie
Heledmetohiswhitecarandusheredmein,hishandweighingminedown.
Whenaskedformykeys,Ifoundtheminmypurseandgavethemtohim.Hegave
themtoanotherman.
“Findhercar.Driveittomyplace.”
Themanwalkedaway.
TheupholsteryinherewasaswhiteastheoutsidepaintworkandIplacedmypalmon
it,fascinated,awareIwasbehavingasifinadream,awareIshouldwake,andunableto
becausehehadhishandonmythigh.
Touchwaseverything.
Itbroughtmetothebrinkwherepleasuresimmered.
“Awaytowherewediscussed.”
Thecarsurgedforward.
“Putonyourseatbelt.”
Iclickeditintoplace,stilllookingnohigherthanmythighswherehishandhadnow
venturedbetween.Therockandhumofthecardidnothingtosubduethehungerhishand
stirred.
Aftersometimedriving,hisfingerslippedbeneathmyunderwearandfoundaspot
justtothesideofmyclit.“There.SeehowniceIam.Eventhoughyou’vebeensucha
littlebitch,runningfromme,goingtothepolicestation.Donotcome.”
What?
Hebrushedhisfingerstraightovermyclit.Struckbyariptideofsensation,I
stiffened,mouthopen,staringindisbeliefatwherehishanddisappearedunderthecloth.I
couldseethebackofhishand,thetendons,theskin,buthisfingerswerehidden.They
stroked,playingeithersideofthelittlebuttonthatwasthekeytomycarnality.
Fromthesubtlepressuresonmymoundandthecontourscreatedinthelace,I
imaginedthepositionofeachfinger,andIquiveredwithexpectation.Wantingthis,so
hard.
Ifhemovedevenonefingerintherightway,orsaidtherightwords,climaxwasa
possibility.
WasIapuppet?Thoughtsanddeductionsweretricklinginagain.Whateverlethim
commandme,Ihadtodefeatit.
“Icandothisallday.”Againheteasedmyclit,brushingitfeatherlight.Myleg
musclestensedandIclenchedmyteeth,tryingtostopmyselffrommakingnoise,butI
moanedanyway.Quiet,butitwasamoan.
Hehadn’twithdrawnhisinstruction.
“Don’tcome.”
Histeethclampedontomyearlobeandatthesamemomenthisfingerandthumb
grabbedmyclitandsquashedin.
Myscreamwassmallbutshrill.
Afterseveralpainfulseconds,heletmego.Hishandwasremoved,histeethreleased
myear.Onlyhispresenceremainedbesideme,thightothigh.Igaspedandslumped
forward.Thathadbeenbrutal.HowcouldIeverhavecomefromthatassault?
“We’rehere,sir,”thedrivercalledback.“There’savacantspot.”
“Good.Whenthecarstops,you,Zorie,aregoingtostepout,turn,andlookatme.Got
that?Sayyes,sir.”
Myreplywasautomatic.“Yes,sir.”Partofmewaswatchingmyselfrespondandwas
horrified.
Partofmehadawakenedtotheproblem.
Howdidyouthinklogicallywhenthedevilhadyou?
“Youcanlookatmenow,Zorie.”
Ilooked.Thick,short,blondhair.Squarejaw.Perfectlips.Blueeyes.Avery
handsomeman.Wait…wait.Iknewhim,didn’tI?Hehadbeenattherestaurantin
Darwin.
“Now.”Hereachedacrossmeandunlockedmypassengerdoor,gaveitasmallshove.
Distantcitynoisesbargedinnowthesoundproofingofthecarwasbreached.“Goout
thereandlookatmewhileyouplaywithyourself.”
Dismayedbyhisinstructions,Ionlylistenedandlooked.
They’dstoppedinsideaparkwithgreen,mowngrassandtables.Lookingoutmyside
ofthecar,Icouldseeapicnictableandbenchseat.Thecoolshadowsoftreesspread
acrossthecars.Earlyintheday,buttherewouldbepeople,theawarepartofme
concluded.
“Out.”
Ishuffledacrosstheseat,exited,andstood,steppingbackwardawkwardlyuntilI
foundtheedgeofthegutterandhadtostepoverit.Ikeptgoinguntilbacksofmylegsmet
thebench.
Hewantedmetomasturbateinpublic.
Notthedevil.HewasPrinceCharming.PrinceCharmingBastard.
Ihesitatedandadevioussmilearrivedonhisface.Themanseemedtooeviltobe
smiling.
“Isaid,playwithyourself.”
Myhandmoveddownbuthalted.Myinhibitionswonout.Thiswastooappalling,too
public.Ayoungmanwasofftothefarlefteatingasandwich,idlywatching.
“Theinitialshockhaswornoffthisonefast,Dirke.I’mfuckingstunned.”The
Bastardslidalongtheseat,nodoubttogetacloserview.Withhiscrookedarmsettledon
thebackoftheseat,hepeeredoutatme.
“Yes,sir,ithas.”
Iwantedtoramsomethingintoboththeirfaces…andIwasn’taviolentperson.
Perversely,allthewatchingwasturningmeon,ormaybeitwasjusthiseffectonme?
MylowerlipswereswollenenoughthatIfeltthempartandmywetnessseepthrough
ontomypanties.Mydisloyalbodywasperformingthatinstinctivedanceoftingling
chemicalsandnerves,inpreparationforsex.
Iclenchedmyhandsintofists.
“Let’stryspecific.Youneedthat,Zorie?Needsomelittledirtydetails?Pullupyour
dressandpulldownyourunderwearuntilIcanseeyourcunt.”
Iwouldn’t.I’dturnandwalkawayand…
Andnothing.
Thedriverwatched.Expectant.LikeheknewI’ddothisandhadseenwomendoit
before.
Iknewthefirstmanfromtherestaurant.Maybethedriverhadbeentheretoo.
AndwhatelsedidIexpect?
Slowly,unabletodoanythingbutobey,despitethealarmscreaminginthebackofmy
mind,Igatheredmydressupward,baringmythighs.ThenIfoundthesidesofmypanties
andslippedthemdown,aninch,here,there,thenacouplemoreinches,untiltheair
cooledmyslit.
No.Icouldn’tdothis.Buthavingloweredmypanties,myhandsstayedthere,
touchingthecloth.
“Spreadyourlegssomemore.”Hiseyeswereinsectbright.“Touchyourcunt.”
Bastard.Iwaspanting,butwhetherthatwasfrommyarousalormyuselessattempts
toresistIwasn’tsure.Isquirmedmyfeetwiderandtheheelsofmysandalscrushedgrit
ontheconcrete.
Ifanyonereportedthis,I’dbearrested.
WhenIlaidmyfingeralongthegroovebetweenmylips,itwasdrenchedbythe
moisturefrommypussy.Abeadofsweattraileddownmytemple.Mythumbpressedon
myclit,andIhelditthere,savoringthebuildingsensation,commencingthefirststepon
thewell-travelledpathtoorgasm.
OnlyI’dneverdonethisinpublicbefore.Theyoungman,ontheseattotheleft,
pausedandloweredhissandwich.Hurriedly,heyankedoutaphone.
“Doyoulikethis,Dirke?”Heangledabrow,whilestillwatchingme.
Thedriver’slipsquirkedintoadirtysmile.“Yes.Thankyou,sir.”
“You’rewelcome.Stickyourfingerinsideyourcunt,Zorie.Thisispunishment.I
knowyoucantellwhatyou’redoing.RunawayagainandI’llmakeyoudoworse.I’ll
makeyoudothingsyourmothertoldyounevertodoinprivateletaloneouthere.”
Theyoungmanwasfilmingme,hissandwichlyingforgottenonthebenchbeside
him.
“Doit,”herepeated.“Stickyourfingerinyourprettylittlecunt.Lookatuswhileyou
doit.”
Horrified,Ifoundmyhandobeying.Ipausedwithmypalmovermymons,covering
myselfbutathisnodandtheglitterinhiseyes,myfingerscruisedalongmycleft.The
backofmyhandbrushedmessinessinthecrotchofmypanties.
“You’redripping,girl.Drippingcuntjuiceinpublic.Youdirtything.”Hegrinned.
“RememberasyoudoitthatIdidthistoyou.Imadeyourpussygetsloppywet.Iwant
thistoalmost,almost,makeyoucome.Fingerinsideyourself…now.”
AsIobeyed,mytoescurled,andmycheeksheatedinablush.Embarrassed,mortally
embarrassed,butIwasstilldoingthis.Myfingerdelvedintomypussyuptothefirst
knuckle,andthebumpofmyclitwasundermyhand.Ifoundmyselflickingmyupperlip,
because,admitit,thisfeltgood,betterthangood–itfeltamazing.
Resistingwasonlyslowingthings,makingthepublicdegradationworse.Ishouldget
itoverwith.
Iplungedmyfingerin,fulldepth,hearingthesoundsasmylubricatedwallswere
squeezedaside.Spearingintomyselfstormedmymindintoanirvana-likestate.Iteetered
onmyfeet,huffing,groaning.
“You’renotcomingIhope,Zorie?Answerme.”
Eyesfixeddownward,hunchedovermyhand,Ishookmyhead,andbreathedouta
soft,ashamed,“No.”
“Good.Now.”Heclearedhisthroat.“Damnthat’shot.Nowtoshowyouwhatyou’ve
gottolookforwardto.Icancontrolyoulikearemote-controlledfuckingtoy.Hearme?I
candowhatIwantwithyou.Struggleagainstmeandthingswillnotgowellforyou.
Zorie?”
“Mmm.”Inodded,stucktherebeingshockedbyrepeatedripplesofpleasure,withmy
pussysqueezinghardontomyfinger.
“Counttofive,outloud,fuckyourselftwice,thenpulloutyourfingersandshowme
them.Go.”
God.No.
ButIdiditexactlyashe’dsaidto.ThelongerItook,themoreI’dbeonfilm.I
countedtofive,thenfuckedmyself.
Afterthefinger-fucking,Iheldupmyhand.Mypussyfeltdreadfullyempty.My
glisteningfingerscooledinthelightbreeze.
Hewhistled.“Lookwet,Dirke?”
“Yes,sir.Doyouwanttogethertosuckmeoffinthecar,sir?”Hisvoicewasthick
withhope.
Themanchuckled.“Notthistime.Takearaincheck.Comebackinhere,girl.Hold
yourdressupandleaveyourunderweardown.”
Walkingtohim,withmyselfstillexposed,Ifeltasfemaleandfecundasafertility
goddess.Astrangelygoodfeelinglurkedamongtheabysmalones.
“MynameisReuben,”hetoldme,shiftingalongtomakeroomontheseat.He
buckledmeinthencurvedhishandbetweenmylegs.“Sitstill.”
Thenhefuckedmepainfullyhardwithtwothenthreefingers,makingmegaspand
whine.ButIdidn’tmove.Thatwasthemostpainfulpart.Icouldn’tmove.“Iownyou
now.Iownyourmindandallyourfuckingholes.Youneedtounderstandthat.Okay?”
Withhisotherhand,heusedaholdonmyjawtoturnmyheadtowardhimandhe
slappedme.
Whatamalevolentmanhewas.
Cheekstinging,Inodded.ThedriveoflustwastherebutIwasalsotornupbyanger
andsadness,andIwishedIcouldfigureouthowtospit.
“More.Saythankyou,Reuben.”
Afterfiveorsixseconds,Igroundoutthewords.“Thankyou…Reuben.”
“Well.Well.”Heshovedhisfingersinagain,toverydeepest,hismouthtwisting
whenIwinced.“Thatwashardforhertosay,Dirke.Thisone’sfeistierthanmost.I
think…IthinkI’mgoingtohavefunwithyou.”Hesmirked.“You’re…interesting.”
Itseemedmymindwasopentohim,butnotcompletely.Ifso,maybeIcouldhidemy
trueself?ImustwaituntilIworkedthisout,thenIcouldgetjusticeforwhathehaddone
tome.Andjusticealsoforwhathewasabouttodo,becauserightnow,Ididn’thavethe
faintestideahowIwasgoingtoshakemyselffree.
Untilthattimecame,Iwouldhavetoendurehisperversions.
Chapter7
“NeverhaveIdealtwithanythingmoredifficultthanmyownsoul.”-Al-Ghazali
Zorie
DirkedrovestraighttohishouseandIcaughtsightofthestreetnameaswellasthe
number:323AberjuleClose.
NowIknew.Ituckedawaytheknowledge,prayingI’dgettouseittoprosecutehis
ass…havehimkilledorwipedoffthefaceoftheearth.
Thehousewasamoderncomplexofirregularrooflines–whitepaint,plusstonework
andsteel–impressiveandsurelyinthequadruplemillionsinvalue.Thegaragedoors
unfoldedandshutwiththepurrofawell-mademechanism.Lightsflickeredon.Theman
wasrich,farmorethanIwas,andI’dmanagedtobuildasmallportfolioofrental
propertiessincemyparentshaddied.Lecturingalonewouldneverhavebroughtmethis
far.
Hadheearnedhisbyhonestmeans?
Reubencamearoundtomydoorandopenedit.“Icanseeyou’rethinkingtoomuch.
I’llanswersomeofyourquestions.Come.”
Hewalkedaway,expectingmetofollowandIdid.Resistingeverycommandwould
exhaustme.
“Youarrangedforbreakfast,Dirke?”
Inthemiddleofopeningthedoorleadingfromthegarage,thedrivernodded,eyeing
meashedidso.“Yes,sir.Forallfourofus.Textedhimwhileyouwereinthepolice
station.”Hissmilewasflatandassessing,andIknew,sickeningly,hewasimagining
doingthingstome.Ineededtorun,now.Andcouldn’t.
“Madocwascuriousaboutyournewacquisition,sir.”
Newacquisition?Thatclinchedit.Hedidthisregularly.Whathappenedtothewomen
afterhewasdonewiththem?HowcouldInotfearwhenthereweresomany
uncertainties?
“Washe?Dirtybastard.AndIdidn’tevenhaveherthen.”Withhishandbetweenmy
shoulderblades,Reubenguidedmethroughthedoor.“Shoesoff,Zorie.You’rebarefoot
fromnowon.”
“Webothhadnodoubtyou’dgether.”
Fuck.TheywerediscussingmelikeIwasmeat,anobject,athing.Everymoleculein
mybodywascringingandIcoulddonothing.Itookoffmyshoesandleftthembesidethe
door,thenfollowedthetwomen.
Thediningareawasasspaciousandlightastherestofthehouse.Highceilings,ivory
andlightgraywalls.Immaculate.Everywherewasmodernandperfectlycleanwithneat
accentsofblackandstainlesssteel.Alargechandelier,abovethelongtable,resembleda
weird,shinykrakenweldedfromdiscardedsteel.Itwasscaryandnodoubtworthaheap
ofcash,withtentaclesthatmightreachdownandgrabyouwhileyouate.
“LikemyKraken?”Reubengestured.“He’sgotsomanywaystoholdhisvictims
still.”Hewinked.
Asecondlater,Iswallowedandlookedaway.
Wherehadthismancomefrom?Washebornwiththis…abilitytocontrol?Ihadto
findouthowhedidit.
Thediningchairswererectangularlines,steel,andperfectblackleather.AfterReuben
andDirkepulledoutchairs,thefirstattheheadofthetabletomyright,andthesecond
oppositewhereIstood,Ihesitantlyplacedmyhandsonthebackofthenearestchairand
pulled.Atthescrapeofthelegsonthetimberfloor,Reubenshookhishead.
“No.Idon’tthinkIwantyousittinghere,withus.Thefloor.There.”Hepointedatthe
rugbesidemyfeet.“Kneelforme.Beforeyoudo,takeoffyourpanties.Sitwithyour
kneesspreadandyourdressup,sowecanseeyouproperly.”
Everyorderthathegave,helookedatme.Hewasn’twaitingformetoprotest,I
realized,becauseheprobablyneversawthat.No,hewantedtoseehumiliationonmy
face.I’dhavetobeamannequinnottoshowanyemotions.Knowinghewantedtoseeit
andthatIwasn’tdissemblingenoughtohideit–thatmultipliedthehurt.
Everyorderthathegavechippedapiecefrommysoulandmyself-respect.
Resigned,Itookoffmypantiesthenloweredmyselftothefloor.WhenDirketossed
mealargecushion,Ikneeledonit,withmylegsapart.
Athirdmanenteredtheroomcarryingalargeplatter.Fromthesmells,itwasa
standardAustralian,cookedbreakfast–bacon,sausages,eggs,toast.Mymouthwatered
despitemypredicament.YesterdayhadbeenthelasttimeI’deaten.
“Goodtoseeyou,Madoc.”Reubenclappedthemanontheshoulder,afterhe’dput
theplatteronthetable.
WhereDirkewasasquareandsolidmanwithgrayingcrew-cuthair,Madocwas
leanerwithanarrowerface.Hisblackhairwasdraggedbackintoabunandhehadthe
stubbleofanewbeard.Asidewalkbuskerwithaviolinmightlooklikehim,whileDirke
belongedinapolicelineupormaybedrivingsomecrimeboss’slimo,whichwascloseto
hisrealoccupation.Noneofthem,Reubenincluded,spokeorbehavedasiftheyhadbeen
bornintomoney.
Iwasaddingtomypileofdataonthem.Oneday…
“Goodthatyou’reback,sir.
Andtheyallcalledhimsir,asifhewasthisglorifiedmanwhodeservedit.Foodand
plateswerepassedaround.AfterReubengavehimabowl,Madocforkedfoodintoit.I
guessedthatwouldbemine.
Amomentlater,Reubenhelditouttome,twofeetabovemyhead.
“Yours,”hemurmured.“Whatdoyousay?”
Ihadtoreachupandheraiseditalittle.“Thankyou.”Stillhekepttheplateuphigh.
“You’renotstupid.Whatdomymensay?”
Myearsheated.ThiswasagameIcouldn’twin.Ihadtoeatbutthatwasn’ta
mentallyreinforcedcommand.Icouldrefuse.
Thiswassosoon.Begging?HowhadIsunksolowsofast?Onlyanhourago,maybe
two,I’dbeenhappyandinbed–contentandsafe.OrsoI’dthought.Iclosedmyeyesand
drewonmycourage.
Getitoverwith.
“Thankyou,sir.”
“Good.”Heloweredthebowlintomyhands.“Don’teattoomuchoryoumightvomit
later.”
Myskinchilled.
Heplannedtodosomethingthatmightmakemevomit.Whatcouldthatbe?
Fingersonlyshakingalittle,Ibowedmyhead,pickeduptheforkinthebowl,and
begantoeat.Commandsdidn’tmakethenauseagoaway.Onesausage,anegg,anda
pieceofbutteredtoastwereinthebowl.Noneofittastedlikeanythingandswallowing
wasimpossibleafterI’deatenathirdofthefood.Ipushedthebowlawayandwaited
whilethemenate,gobblingloudlylikeapartyofuncouthtrollsfromLordoftheRings.
TheclinkofmetalonchinahappenedasecondortwobeforeIsawReuben’sfeetshift
ashemovedtofaceme.
“Let’sbegin.”
Ominouswords,butIraisedmyhead.Allthemenwerewatchingme,thoughDirke
wasstillchewing.Hepeeredatme.Evenwhileeatinghismouthlookedcapableof
snarling.Hiselbowswereplantedonthetableandhewavedaforkinmydirection.
“Havetowatchthisone,Madoc.She’stheonewhoranfromusinDarwin,andsir
nabbedherinacopstation.”
Madoconlyraisedabrow.“Isn’tthatunusual?Beingabletoresistlikethat?”
“Yes.”Ofthethreeofthem,Reuben,ironically,wastheonemostlikeanangel.The
sunlightcominginthroughthewall-wideglassbeyondtheotherendofthetable,fartothe
left,struckglintsofgoldfromthecutendsofhishair.“She’sobedientnow.Imusthave
messedupsomehowinDarwin.Firstimpressionscount.”
“Theydo.”DirkegrinnedandleanedfarbackinhischairuntilIcouldseelittleofhis
faceoverthetopofthetable.Beneaththetable,hisbootsandhislonglegs,cladindark
brownpants,stretchedclosertome.Thebulgeathiscrotchmademeswitchfocusfast.“I
thoughtweimpressedherbloodywellmyself.Shescreamsloudlywhenshegetstoo
muchcock.”
“Ihadtogagherwithmyhand,twice,”Reubendrawled.
Madoc’sgazeintensified.“Really?”
ReubenandDirkewatched,asiftoseewhatI’ddo.Iwasabutterfly,alreadystuck
down,waitingforthenextpin.Allofthemclearlylovedtowatchwomenhurt.Iprayed
thatdidn’textendtomakingmebleed.
Closingmyeyesorlookingawayseemeddangerous,butmyeyeballsbegantohurt,
asdidmyhead.Theroommightshatterfromthetension.
“Idon’tthinksheremembersmuch.Shedidn’tknowme,”Dirkeexplaineddryly.
“Fuckingpity.”
Ihadn’t,butI’dfigureditout.Dirkehadbeenoneofthosemen.Idecidedtostareat
thefloor,needingtoescape,somehow.
Mycourage,Icoulduseitstill.DoingsomethingsaidIhadabrainandthatIwasreal.
Ittookasecondtopushthewordsfrommythroat.“Yousaid…you’danswermy
questions.”IdaredtoglanceatReuben.
“Idid.”Hesmiledforallofhalfasecond.“Goforit.”
Theremustbeathousandquestionsswirlingaboutinmyhead.“Whyme?”Myvoice
brokeoneventhosewords,andwhenIadded,“Whenareyougoingtoletmego?”my
voicewobbledagain.
Whycan’tIstopobeyingyou?Thatwasanother,butIwasn’treadytobegforthat
answer.Besides,iftheanswerwasusefultome,he’dnevertellmethetruth.
Myeyelidsdampenedwithtears.
“Whyyou?BecauseIamtheFuckinatorandIwanttofuckyou?”
Dirkegaveasharplaugh.ThechangeinReuben’stoneandaraspingsoundsaid
Reubenhadraisedhisheadtoscratchhischin.
“Womenaresocutewhentheyasktheirscaryquestions.You,Zorie,aresusceptible
tomycontrol.Onlysomewomenare.IcouldtellyouwereonewhenIwascloseenough.
Itwaspainful,blueballspainful,tositatthattableinDarwin,watchingyouandknowing
Iwasgoingtofuckyouafteryouleft.”
Idrewinmylipandbitit.
Dirkechuckled.“Yeah,wenoticed.Worthitintheend.”
“Andfindingyouhereafteryousomehowmanagedtorun?Onlymadeyouseem
moreattractive.Whoknows?Imight’veleftyoualoneinDarwinafteranotherday.What
wastheotherquestion?WhendoIletyougo?WhenIfeellikeit.ImakeitupasIgo,
mostdays.”
ScaredatwhatIwasabouttosay,Ikeptmyheaddown.“Icanpayyou.”Ihadtotry.
Hewasrichbutmaybehewasgreedy?
Theylaughed.
God,theylaughed.
“Girl,you’llgivemeanythingIwantyoutoanyway.”
Mykneeswerestartingtohurt.Damnthemall.Iprobablyhadmoreintelligencein
mylittlefingerthanallofthem.Therehadtobeawayout.
Ishould’vestayedwithGrimm,draggedhimhomeandintomybed.Maybehe
would’vefoundasolution.Thatmanwastoughlooking.I’dshooedhimaway,because
I’dbeenterrified.
“Yousee,Iknowwhoyouarenow,ZorinaBrown.”
Ofcoursehedid.He’dlookedatmydriver’slicenseandotherIDcards.Thatstill
mademegulp.IfIescaped,hecouldfindme,evenifIleftmyhouse.
“YoulecturehereatSydneyuni?Youmustsmart,welloff.Gotanicelittlebank
account?Ilikethat.Ilikemoneyandyouwilleventuallygivemeitall,butevenbetter?
Youknowwhatisbetter,Zorie?Lookatme.”
Ilookedup,displayingmytear-markedface.
“What’sbetterisbringingwomenlikeyoutotheirknees.Youlooksoprettywhen
youcry,scream,andcome.Evenbetterwhenyoudoallthreeatonce.”Hisexpression
wassodeadhemight’vebeenreadingalabeloffacan.“Sofuckingpretty.”
Iinjectedangerintomyexpression.Imightn’tbeabletosayit,butfuckyouwas
featuring,litupinneon,inmythoughts.
Freudwouldhaveacalledthismanasociopath.ApityIwasn’tintopsychology.
MaybeIcould’vepressedhisbuttons,onceIfiguredhimout.
“LookwhatMadocbroughtwiththebreakfasttray.”
Heliftedhishandandwavedsomething.Ittookasecondtounderstandthathehelda
coilofrope.Reubenstood,withtheropedanglingfromhishand.Itswayed,snakelike,
deadlyandpoisonousinitsownway.
Somethingaboutbeingboundmadeeverythingseemblacker.
Ifheonlyneedswords,whyrope?Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmyself.
“Thebathroomisdownthehall.Madocwillshowyouwhere.Whenyoucomeback,
takeoffyourdressandpantiesthenkneelagainandopenyourmouth.”
Suchsurrealinstructions.Onlythisman,here,now,wouldsaythat.
Iguessedhemeanttousemymouth.Maybeallthreeofthemwould.
Thatitwouldallhappenashesaid,thatwasparforthecourse.Ithought,non-stop,
aboutstabbingthemwithaforkoraknife.Thought.
Icameback,undressedexceptformybra,andkneeled.ThenIopenedmymouth,my
toescurlingattheterribleinevitabilityofmyactions.Mytoes–theonlypartofmethat
showedsomeindependence.
“Goodgirl.”Reubenhadthatgleefulbrillianceinhiseyes.Hedroppedmostofthe
ropetothefloor.“Bestill.”Hewenttoonekneethenkissedmesoftly,onthefullnessof
mylips,andlefthisthumbcurlingoutmybottomlip.“We’regoingtoplaywithyoua
while.I’mgoingtostringyouupoutside,inmycourtyard.Ourneighborsliketoseeme
punishthegirls.They’rewaiting.Youdon’twanttokeepthemwaiting.”
“You…yousaidyou’dalreadypunishedme.”IwasbeggingbuthellIhadto.
“Yeah,Idid.ForgottotellyouthatI’maddictedtopunishinggirls.”
Hishandformedaloopintherope.
“Lifeisfulloffan-fucking-tasticsurprises.Likeyou.Tieherhairback,Dirke.”
MychestconstrictedasDirkecamearoundthetabletowardme,someribbonorthin
cordinhishand.HescaredmemorethanReuben,thoughIwasn’tsurewhy.Standing
behindme,hescrapedmyhairintohishandsandtieditup,high.
Thescentofmanwasinmynostrils.
ThenReubenmovedin.“Yourmouth,staysopen.”
Thefirstdoubleloopofthehardropewentaroundmyheadatmouthlevel.Henestled
itbetweenmylips.Whenhedrewittight,theloopdugintomymouthatthecorners,
gaggingme.Hewentaroundmyheadoncemoreandknottedtheropeattheback.With
hisfistontheknotandmyponytail,hepulledonmyhead,makingmeleanbackuntilI
over-balancedandwavedmyhandsabout,searchingforahold.Mybackmethislegand
hestareddownatmeforages–atmyface,mybreasts,everywhere.
Icoughed,gettingusedtothefeeloftheropejammedupbetweenmylipsandover
mytongue.
Hislipscurved.“Tsk.Tsk.Youlikeshavingitalloffexceptthatlittlestripofhair?
Toldyou,you’dbeprettywithropeinyourmouth.Ilikeitwhenwomencanonlygurgle
anddrool.Let’sgoteachyouwhathappenstobadgirls.”
Onedarkthoughtpersisted.Wherewerealltheotherwomenhe’dhaddonethisto?
Weretheydeadoralive?
Chapter8
MisterBlack
TheLondonskyscapewasfoggy,dim–nothingliketheclearskiesofAustralia.Fromthe
eightiethflooritwaslikearrivingonaplanesomemornings.Thesteamofmybreathon
thethickglassblurredeverything.Iwasgoingtoher.Nochoice.
Myelectroniceavesdroppingfriendhadinformedmeherphonelocationhadmatched
withReuben’s.TrackingherdownfromthehotelbookinginDarwinhadbeensimple,but
itseemedReubenhadn’tplannedorthoughtwell.Now,somehow,awholeyearlater,he’d
foundheragain.
Iwassorryithadcometothis,despitemyknowledgethatshewasstilltheonly
acquiredwhohadeversuccessfullyrunaway.Theonlyonewhohadeventried.
Withmyhandsatmyback,Istaredblindlyoutward.
Sydneythen.MaybethereIwouldfindmylittleassassinationtool.Thatwasallshe
shouldeverbetome.I’dleftheraloneoutofpity.I’dknownthatwasstupid.Ifnot
Reuben,anothermesmerwould’vefoundhereventually.
BlakeandReinhardtcouldtakecareofmyclients.
Ituggedmyshirtcuffsintoplace,adjustedmytiethenturnedandwalkedacrossthe
carpettowardthebedroomtofinishpacking.
Chapter9
“Normalpeoplehavenoideahowbeautifulthedarknessis.”–Anon
Zorie
Reubenpulledmetomyfeetusingthetrailingrope.He’dgonefromcrazyadmirerto
emotionlessinonesecond,andnowhewalkedaheadwiththatropeinhishand,noteven
lookingback.Therewasnocommandinmyhead.
Thatmadeitworse.
Icouldreact,move,thinkfreely.Myhandswerefreeandmylegs,butIcouldgo
nowherewiththreemensurroundingme,noclothesonexceptforabra,andwitharope
tiedaboutmyhead.Thewaytheropedistortedandsqueezedmyfleshseemedtoreduce
metosomeunbeautiful,non-humanslavecreature.AdeliberateactbyReuben?He’dsaid
Iwaspretty.MaybetohimIwas,likethis.
Asifthatmattered.
IfIcouldbreakfreeandgettheropeendinmyhands,Icouldrun.Ifsomething
distractedthem…howfardidhisinfluencego?Whatpointwasthereinrunning,ifImade
ittothefrontdooronlytohavehimgrabmeusinghismind?Reubenwasthekeyandthe
manIneededtoincapacitate.
Hithimwithsomeheavyobjectfirst?Bythentheothertwowouldbeonme.
Whateverpunishmenttheyhadinmindnow,Idreadedwhatthey’ddoifIinjuredone
ofthembadly.
Fromthelightcomingthrough,theopaqueglassdooraheadledoutside.Thiswould
bethecourtyard.Islowedandalmoststopped.Oneofthetwomenbehindmegrabbeda
largehandfulofbuttcheek.Hesqueezedhardenoughtodrawagaspfrommeandmake
megouponmytoes.
“Keepgoing.”ThatgratingvoicewasDirke’s.
Atthenoise,Reubenturned.Onlyasmallgruntbetrayedthathe’dseen.Withtherope
firmlywrappedaroundhishand,hedraggedmetothedoor,openedit,anddrewmeout
andacrosstothemiddleofthissquarecourtyardthatwaspavedwithheftyterracotta
pavers.Potsoflargefernsandshrubsdecoratedtheperipherynexttothehousewalls.To
stringmeupmeantsomethingoverhead,andtheonlystructurethatqualifiedwasa
birdcage-likemetalstructureinthecenterthatwasthesizeofasmallroom.Agazebo…an
evilgazebo.
Whoevertheseneighborswere,therewasonlyonesidethatwasn’tloomedoverby
Reuben’sdwelling,andthatwasstraightahead,fartotheback,whereaforestofgum
treesandthickfoliagegrew.Iglimpsedanotherbuildinginpalestgrayconcrete.
“They’rewatchingyou,”Reubenmurmuredfromnearmyear.“Let’sputonashow
forthem.”
Imaginary?
Runningwasforeveronmymind.
Buttherewasnowheretogo.
Heledmethroughadoorinthecagegazebo.
Atthefirstsignofpanic,atmymutedgruntandmytugontherope,heclampeddown
onmymind.Peaceblanketedme,andIstoodquietly,blinking,whilehethrewtherope
oversomethingabovethatresembledaperchinacage,thenpaidoutthefreelengthand
tiedittoananchorpointonthebirdcagebarsyardsaway.Ivygrewontheoutsideofthe
steelandfrondstwirleddown;thefineronesseemedclearasglasswhensunlightshone
throughtheirgreenness.
Hislastfewturnsandknotsaroundtheanchorpointplacedmoreandmoretensionon
thelineandonmymouth.Iwasontheflatsofmyfeet.Withtheslightestincreasein
tension,itwouldpullonmyhead,andI’dhavetogouponmytoes.
Theropetastedsobitteritwasgettingsoakedbymysaliva.
Thecommandfilteredaway,leavingmebereft.
Peacedisintegrated,wasrippedaway.
Fastenedinoneplacebyaropebetweenmyteeth,mostlynaked,andlost.
NoonewhocaredformeknewwhereIwas.
Iwantedtoreachbackandundotheknot,butwasafraidtotryandcertainitwas
impossiblewithmyweightontherope.InsteadImerelyflexedmyhandsandshuffledmy
feet.Notforcomfort,no,justtodo…something.
Hewascoming.
“Now.”Reubenhaltedwithinarm’slength.“Thatissomuchbetter.Hello,little
Zorie.”Hissmilehadteeth,white,perfectteeth.“Igatheryou’veforgottenmuchofthat
nightwhenwehadyou.We’regoingtoteachyouagain.”
Icouldheartheothertwomovinginbehindme.Theirhandsbeganstrokingme,
pinchingdownmyspinethenpullingatmyasscheeks.Someone’skneewedgedmylegs
apart.Doingthatmademedropaninchortwotowardthegroundandtheropepulledtaut,
jerkingmyheadupward.
Desperatetolessenthepull,Igrabbedatthenearestthing–aman’sshirt,Reuben’s.
Reubengrinned.“Nowyouseewherethefunis.Letgoofme.”
Ididsoandwithmyheadcaughtinropeandrigid,Ieyedhim,whimperingwhenhe
plantedhispalmovermymons.Theimpactwentbeyondtouch.Asexualfireenveloped
mylowerbody,brandingmewithayearningtoorgasm,remindingmeofthatnightwhen
he’dmademecome,soeasily.
WheredidIputmyhands?Theyhungatmyside,useless.
Anothermanslappedupontomypussyandasshole–Dirke.Thenheunclippedand
tookoffmybra.IglimpsedMadocpatrollingtheoutside.
Whimperingandoffbalance,IwasshockedagainandagainbytheeffectofReuben’s
touch.Dirke’smusculararmscrossedmychestandhegrabbedatme,pullingmeintohis
bodyandhangingontoeachbaredbreastasiftheyweretrophies.
“CanIfuckherfirst?”Icouldhearthegrindofhisteeth,feelthedigofhisjawonmy
headandsmellhim.Dirke’sbodyscentwasasstrongasaferalanimal’s.
Whenhetightenedhishold,Igasped.Theropecreakedfromthestrainandmymouth
stungfromtheburnoftherope.He’ddeliberatelypulledmybodydownward.
MadoccircledbeyondReuben,fascinated,hisgazerovingovereveryaspectofthe
scenebutcomingbackagainandagaintomymouthwheretheropeetchedintothe
cornersofmymouth.Thesmallsharpfibersofthehempwerewearingawayskin.
Itastedbloodandgroaned,trapped,absorbedinthesurrealweaveofpainand
pleasureevokedbyhisability.TheycoulddoanythingandIwouldlikeit.Givinginto
thatwashardtodo.Mybody,yes,butthelogicalpartofmymindwassobbingatthe
dichotomyofthishumiliationthatwastearingmeintwo.
Madochadstripped,ashadDirke.Hardcockslidalongmyseamthennudgedatmy
ass.
ThatIwaswetenoughtomakethatfeelgood,tomakemeheartheslipperysounds–
thatseemedtheworstofallthis,thatReubencouldarousemesoeasily.
Raptinwhatwasbeingdone,andinmyreactions,he’dnotlookedaway,once.
“Yes.Goahead.Fuckherass.Dry.”
Isuckedinashakybreath.No.
ThechucklefromDirkewasevil.“IwouldifIcould,butshe’stoowet.”
Eyesshut,Ifelthimprobeatmeagain.AshockfromReuben’shandseemedto
liquefymygroin.WhenDirke’scockslidintome,forcingwidemyassholetowhat
seemeditsverylimits,Iwhimperedandtriedtobowmyhead,onlytobestoppedbythe
rope.Mygaspssawedatmyears.Thepleasurewasextremeandratchetedupwardfast,as
heshovedfurtherinward.Aclimaxthreatened.Mylegsshook.Myhandsgrabbedatair
andIwhinedthroughteeth,pastsoddenrope.
Reubenslippedtwofingersintomypussy,exploringmewhilewhisperingdirtiness.
“That’sit.Takeit.Takethatbigcockinyourass.Yourassisours.”Hekissedme
turninghisheadandbitingmylipsandnoseandchinwhilehepiledonmorewords.“Our
slut.Ourwetcunt.Ourasshole.Youcancomenow.Come.Now.”
Hecrammedmorefingersintome,maybeathumbtoo,stretchingmyentrance,
scratchingme,butnothingmattered,andIstrained,gasping,nothingmatteredexceptthe
pulsefromhishandthatsentme…
Ijerkedfranticallyintoafull-blownorgasmthatlastedagesandhadmeshuddering,
myheartpoundinglikearockstardrummer.Myassandpussysqueezeddownonto
Dirke’scockandthosemind-bendingly,amazing,fuckingfingers.
Imoaned,eyesshut,mouthfeelingtorn,withDirke’scockinsidemetriggeringmore
tinyclimaxes.Ifheletmego,I’dhanglifeless,beggingformore.
“Madoc.”Iheardhimsay.“Comehere.Fuckhertoo.Whenyou’redone,we’llgive
theneighboratreat.”
AsIopenedmyeyestosummonaprotest,Reuben’sglareshutmedown.Clothwas
wrappedovermyhead,overmyeyes,andknottedroughly.MysightwaslimitedtowhatI
couldseebetweenthebuttonsfasteningaman’sshirt.
Theyhoistedmeup,withtheirhandsbeneathmythighs.Aman,Madoc,itmustbe,
foundmyentrancewithhiscockandbegantofuckmethere.Theonlypartofmestillheld
byReubenwasmyarm,whichhehadbymywrist.Thatpossessionofme,alongwith
beingblindedandtiltedintowhateverpositiontheywantedmein,itmuddledmyhead.
I’dhavetroubletellingupfromdown.
Theyalternatedshovingin,Madocwithhisarmsbeneathmythighs,takingmy
weight,exposingmesotheycouldbothreachme.Whentheyspearedintometothevery
deepest,atthesametime,Ishuddered,andasecondlater,writhedsqueakingandchoking
intoyetanotherorgasm.
Whilethemencontinuedtofuckme,Icalmedintoashiveringwreck.Theirthrusts
thumpedintomyfleshandIheardtheirgasps,muffledbythecloth,astheirownpleasure
mounted.
“You’regettingsowellfucked,assandpussy.”Reuben’svoice,drippingwithlust.
“Unstickyourselves,youtwo.Iwantherdownandtiedoverthere,bytheneck.”
Thankfulfortherespite,raspinginairpasttheropeandfindingclothsuctioningonto
mynoseandmouth,Iletthemmanhandleme.Theyuntiedmefromtheperchandledme
blinded,overafewyardsofthepavers,beforeforcingmetohandsandknees.
Wheredroolfellfrommymouth,theshirtwasthoroughlywet.Theropeslithered
frommymouth.Iexercisedmyjaw.AhuskythankyoufellfrommylipsbeforeIrealized
theridiculousnessofsayingthat.
Someonechuckled.Alreadytheycircledmyneckwiththeropeandwerecinchingit
tightenoughtoholdmeinoneplace.Toeitherside,myforeheadbuttedthebars;my
templespressedagainstcoolmetal.
“Openyourmouth,”Reubencommandedfrominfront.Hemustbeontheotherside
ofthebirdcage.
Iopened.Someonefiddledwiththeshirtthenrippedthegapwiderwhereitwas
buttonednearmymouth.Theyputmymouthtothebarsthentiedmyheadinplace.
Theropeatmyneck…Iftheydidthatbadly…
“Keepitopen.”Reubenenteredmymouth,pushinginsidemeaninch,surprisingme
withthetasteofamaninmymouth.Mysexualplacesreawakened,asifIwasamachine
thatonlyneededthis,him.“Doherassagain,”headded,hoarsely.“Fuck.Yourmouth…”
“Minethistime.”Madoc.Demandinghisright.Iknewtheirvoices.
Anunnaturallustpossessedme.Iarchedmyback,offeringmyself,wrigglingmy
butt.Wherewasmyshame?ButIcraved,Ineeded.
Unnatural.Perverse.Isplutteredandsobbedaroundhiscock,shaken,exhausted,but
wantingtobeusedsomuch.
“Goodlittleslut.”
“She’sinthezone,”someonesaidsoftly.
Fastenedinplacebymyheadboundtometal,mymouthfilled,Idriftedinahazeof
euphoria.Mylegsandarmstrembled.
Therustleandslicksoundsofacondombeingunwrappedandrolledonaccompanied
Reuben’simpatientandrhythmicinvasionofmymouth.Secondslater,myassholewas
penetrated,slowerthanDirke’sfuckingofmethere,butthecockwasbigger.
Atmygroanandmyteethclampingontohisshaft,Reubenmust’vereachedthrough
thebars.Hegrabbedmyhairandsomeoftheshirtinonefist.“Careful,mylittlecunt.I
knowthemanisbigbutyou’renottobiteme…much.”Helaughedandslidinfarther,
cuttingoffmyair.
Iwriggled,gasping,acceptingIwasasacrificetotheircarnalneedsandcouldonly
takewhattheygaveme–onecockplunderingmymouthwhiletheotherviolatedmyass.
“Don’tyoudarecome,”Reubenmuttered.
Oh.Iwhimperedbutobeyed,astheyfuckedmeandcameandwithdrew.
Theendwasaccompaniedbyslowanddistantsoundofclapping.Hadsomeonebeen
watching?Theyunraveledropeandshirtfromme,wipedmedown,thenleftmecurledon
thewarmbutgrittypavers,exhausted,quivering,andhurting.
Blinkingslowly,unfocused,Istaredalongtheground.
Therewasbloodmixedwiththecumanddroolsmearedonthepaverbeforemynose
andIwassofargoneIhadnoideawhereithadcomefrom.
“Ithinkwe’refinishedwithher,”someonesaid.
“Fortheday,”someoneelseadded,voiceripewithamusement.
“Yeah.Fortoday.”
Ishivered.He’dhadtotellmenottocome.WherewasIgoing?WhathadIdone?
Wouldanyshredofmysoulbeleftwhentheythrewmeaway?
Theremustbemorethanthisinmyfuture.
Chapter10
MisterBlack
IhadheraddressandIhadReuben’saddress,andIknewshewasathishouse,but
findingoutwhathewasdoingtoherwasdifficult.TheplacemightnotbeFortKnox,but
itwasaprivatedwellingsurroundedbyhigh,solid-stonefences.Adronewouldbenice.A
privateinvestigatorwithsecretagentskillswouldbebetter.
Iwasdreaming.I’ddomorewaitingandpraythemanletheroutalive.Beingman
zeroseemedtohavegainedmetheupperhandwithmyawarenessofothermesmers,as
wellasmypowers.Ifanyoneevergrewmoreaccomplished,I’dhavetrouble,butfornow
Iwasking.
IcouldpossiblygetintoherheadandoverlayanycommandsReubenhadinserted.
AllIneededtoverifythatwasherinmyhands.
Maybeundermyfoot.Theimageofthat,myfootonherhair,playedintomy
fantasies.AnewwomancouldstirmenomatterhowmanyfemalesI’dhadinmygrasp,
orhowmanymycockhadbeeninside.
IhadtorememberwhyIneededher,though.Tohelpmekilltheothers.
Chapter11
Zorie
Iheardthementalkingastheywalkedaway,feltthemetalpointsofsomethingundermy
nakedshoulder,staplesperhaps,andthecoldflatnessofcardboardboxes.Staples–I’d
rememberedtheword.Mymindwastickingoveragain,thoughIwishedIcould’vestayed
inthatmindless,ecstaticplaceI’dbeeninforwhatcouldhavebeenhours.
They’dkeptmefordays,mademeansweranyphonetextstoreassuremyfriends–
oneoftheironicandtragicbenefitsofholidays.NoonethoughtI’ddonemorethantaken
awell-earned,impromptubreak.
TheskywasframedbytheopeningofthedumpsterinwhichIlay.They’ddropped
meinherelikegarbage.He’dtoldmehe’dseemeagain,soon.Iached,everywhere,but
inparticularbetweenmylegsandonmybreastswherethey’dbittenandclawedatme.
Cumwascoolingonmyfaceandinmyhair,onmybreastseven.Iworenothing,
thoughhe’dthrownmyclothesinafterme,myprettywhitedressandpantiesandbra.
Thisbinwasinanalleynearmyhome,he’dsaid.
Hedespisedme,threwmeinhere,yethewantedmeagain.
Jewel-struckpinpricksintheblack,sohighabove.
Iblinkedatthem,asifthenextblinkwouldrevealsomethingelse.
ThatthosestarswerethesameonesI’dseenbeforeseemedimpossible.
Theworstofit?I’dlovedwhatthey’ddonetome,theselastdays,butIwasgoingto
accomplishworse.Icravedgoingbacktohim.
AtleastnowIknewIcouldstorethehateinsideme,beneaththecraving,andhe
couldn’ttell.
HowhadInotseenthisdisastercoming?ItseemedwrongthatI’dnotsensedthis.A
cataclysmshouldgivemorewarningsigns.
TearsformedatthebackofmyeyesandIcouldn’t,yet,crythemout.
Chapter12
“Lifeisahideousthing,andfromthebackgroundbehindwhatweknowofitpeer
daemoniacalhintsoftruth.”-H.PLovecraft
Zorie
WhenIwassuretheonlysoundsinthealleywerethosecominginfromtheroad–
passingcars,distantvoices,andthetapofpeoplewalking,Iliftedmyselfwithmyhands
onthemetaledge.Ipeeredout.Nothingandnoone,onlythedimlightfromanaging
fluorescentaboveadoortotheleftwithSTAFFONLYwrittenonit.Thiswasbehindthe
localsupermarket.
Idressedinmypantiesandbrathenusedthedresstowipemyselfdown.Thetears
werecomingnow,silent,unheralded,asifthetearsofsomeoneelse.Ifanyonesawme,it
wasgoingtobeobviousthatIwasawreck–thatI’dbeeninanorgyorworse.This
wasn’tme.Notmylife.
AllmyquestionswerepiledupinmyheadandIrefusedtothinkofthem.
Theycouldwait.
I’dgetpastthis.Sneakinbackhome.Mypursewasheretoo,andinsideweremy
housekeysandmyphone.
Ignorestares.Walkfastandgethome.Justdothis.
ButitwouldhappenagainifIcouldn’tshakeloosefromhim.
Shutup.Isteepledmyfingersonmyforehead.
Compartmentalizing,Iwasqueenatthat.
Terrifyingmyselfbyagonizingoverramificationscouldwait.
Idrapedmydressovertherim–couldn’tclimbinthat,thensearchedwithmybare
feetforthehighestpartofthecardboardstack.Noshoesmeanttheoccasionalstaple
pokedatmysoles.Myheartwaspumpingunderhighpressure.Mysystolicanddiastolic
readingswouldgivemydocpalpitations.
Itriedtogetalegupandoveronlytohavemyshakingarmsfail.
Fuck.
Sniffingbacktheclogoftears,Iclungtothedumpsteredgetoregathermyself.Gym
clearlyhadn’tworked.Icoulddothis.Walkingalongthestreetcoveredincumwasn’tas
badasbeingfoundtrappedinanindustrialbin.
Dothis.
Istraightened.
“Zorie?Icanseeyou.Itisyou?”
Ohgod.Grimm’svoice.
Unsureofwhattodo,Isankuntilmyeyeswerejustabovetherim.
Hewassilhouettedagainstthebrighterlightingofthestreetandapproaching.
Hestoppedwhenhereachedaspotayardaway.
“Youneedmetocallthecops?Thetextmessagesaidyou’dbehere.I’mguessingyou
didn’tsendit,fromwhatelseitsaid.”Heheavedoutabreathbuthisfacewasindarkness.
Damn.Reubenmust’vesetthisup.WhathadhetoldGrimm?Irestedmyforeheadon
themetalandclosedmyeyes,feelingweaknessswayin.“What…doyouwant?”
“Tohelpyou.They’veleftyouinabinwithnoclotheson?”
Ialmostgiggled.Sopolite.Hecouldn’tsaynaked?
“Letmecallthepolice.”
“No!”ThatanswerhadshotoutbeforeIcouldthink,butitwasright.Hemustn’t.
“No?”Thesilencewaslong,painful.
“No.”BecauseIcouldn’tsayawordtothemanyway.
Ithitmethen–thereasonwhyReubenhadtoldGrimm.Itwastoshowmehowlittle
controlIhad,andhowrigidhiswasovermeevenwhenhewasabsent.Thebastard.
“Helpmeoutofhere.Please?”
“Sure.”
Aftersomewrigglingandpainfulmaneuveringovertheedge,Idroppedtothe
ground.Withoutsayingmore,Ipulledthedresson,havingtotugtogetittotraveldown
mystickybody.Ipickedupmypurse,clutchingitasifbydoingsoIcouldmakethingsbe
normalagain.
Practicalitywasneeded.No-nonsensebehavior.
“Ineedtogettomyhousewithaslittlefussaspossible.”
“I’llhelpyougettidieranddriveyouback,butyou’relettingmeintoyourhouse,to
talk.”
WasGrimmmybabysitter?Hewashelpingme,though.Hewasbeingnice.Ineeded
nice,evenifthinkingaboutsharingwhathadhappenedtome,inanyway,hadthesame
effectonmystomachasscreechingchalk.Ifanyonetodowiththeuniversityboardfound
out,itwaspossibleI’dbecensuredforconductunbecoming.I’dlosemyjob.Allmylife’s
achievementswouldbegone.
Ignawedmylip.
Thehurtbehindmyeyesintensifiedintopain.
No.Stopthis…thinking.Iceasedbreathingforafewsecondsandsettledcalmnessinto
mymind.
“Justhelpme,please?”ImetGrimm’seyesforthefirsttime,thoughhisfacewasstill
mostlyindarkness.
“Iwill.Myconditionstands.”
Whatever.
“Letmelookatyou.”Hepositionedmeinthelightthenadjustedmydress,myhair,
andeventookhisshirtofftowipemyface,beforeheredressedhimself.
Icouldn’tmeethiseyes.Thiswasallsocaring.
HeprobablythoughtmeapieceofshitandIcouldn’tunderstandmyselforwhatI’d
allowedtobedone,notatall.
“Noshoes.Can’tfixthat.That’sthebestIcando.Comeon,Zorie,let’sgetthisover
with.”
Thetimewaslate,trafficwasalmostnon-existent,andthestreetwasemptyofpeople.
IfeltawfulsittinginhispristineHondaPreludewithmymattedhairandstickydressand
body.
ThekeysrattledwhenItriedtounlockmyfrontdoor.Iwastrembling.Insertingthe
keyintothelocktooksolongGrimmaskedifIneededhelp.Ishookmyhead,making
strandsofmyhairsticktomymouth,andthenIhadtopullthemaway.Thekeyfinally
decidedtogowhereitshould.Iletoutarelievedbreath.
Grimmfollowedinaftermeandshutthedoor.Gettinghimtoleavewouldrequire
yelling.Ididn’thavetheenergy.
ShoweringbroughtbackmemoriesofdoingthesameinDarwin–washingawaythe
dirtwhiletheawfulmemoriesplayedinmymind.Thebloodied,cum-and-dirt-stained
dressdrewmyeyetowhereI’dleftitonthebathroommat.Icouldn’tkeepthrowingaway
theclotheshefuckedmein…theyfuckedmein.
FacingrealityrampedupmyfearsbecausethatmeantI’dgivenin.MeantIknewit
wasgoingtokeephappeninguntilhesaidithadended.
WhenIemergedfromtheshower,Isteppedaroundthedress,butthepooledclothwas
agravestoneerectedontheremainsofmylife.
Iwillsurvive.Iwillstopthis.Iwill.
TherewerenoclothesinthebathroomsoItraipsedoutwrappedinatowelto
rummageforapairoftightsandalongT-shirtinmyantiquechestofdrawers.
Summertimeyetthenightairmademeshiver.
Grimmwasstandingintheopendoorway.Seeinghimmademehaltandwonder.
Withmydampfeetonthefloorandonlyatowelaroundme,atanyothertimethiswould
beinsanelyintrusive.Tonight,though,andwhenhehadthatlittlelineofworrybetween
hiseyes?
“Wantmetomakecoffee?Tea?Somethingmind-blowinglyalcoholic?Icanevendo
hugs.”Heassessedme,notsmiling,waiting.
Hugs?Malecontactwouldmakemeshudder.Igulped.Sawhimproperly.Helooked
amazinglynormaleveninhisrumpledshirt.Time,finally,slowed.Thiswasnow,not
somechaotichorrormovie.
Poorman.Hewasasaint,really.
Ihadtofacethisandhewantedtotalktome,sowhynottry?“Tea.Yes.Thanks.”
“I’llbringituphere?”
Inodded.Whynot?IfIcouldn’ttrustGrimm,Iwastrulyfucked.Ineededsomeone
trueandhonest.Tearsthreatened,butIrefusedtoletthemcome.
Ineededacaveofcomfortandmybedroomhadalwaysbeenmysafezone.
AfterIdressedinthebathroom,Iwalkedoutandperchedonthebedthenslidupto
thepillowarea,wriggling,untilmybackandshoulderswereagainstthepillows.Mywet
hairclungtomyskin.Fornow,Icouldmanagekeepingmyheadup.Theheatofthe
showerhadusheredinexhaustion.
Mythoughtsclamoredtobeheardbut,no,Ineededtobealonetodothat.
Yearsago,asayoung,shy,lecturer,I’dbeenscaredtohellandbackofspeakingin
public.Beforethat,duringteenagertimes,there’dbeenthesexualassaultandattempted
abduction.I’dnotsatstillwhenthathappenedeither.Thefuckerhadpaidforit,hadfound
outIwasnodaisyASAP.Idippedmyhead,suckinginabreath.Rememberingthatshit
ontopofthis?Abadidea,perhaps.
Still,I’dnotletmyfearbeatme,thosetimes.I’dmademyselfchange.I’dsetaside
myfearsanddoubtsandpretendedIwassuperwoman.
Ineededthatskillnow,likeneverbefore.Myhandsshook.Iwilledmymindcloserto
serenity.I’dcomethroughhellbeforeandsurvived.
Hewantedmeback.
FocusonGrimm.Thinkofonlynow.Breathe.
Hepouredtheteaandbroughtmeacup,placingitonthebedsidetableafterIfailed
toreachforit.Isaidnothing,onlytwitchingmylipsashesankintomyonearmchair.
“Zorina…Zorie.Whynopolice?”
Tellhimnothing.Thosewordsfromhimleakedfrommymemory.
Iwantedsomuchtosayeverything.Couldn’t.Theyweresoneartomytongue,so
closetobeingvomitedforth.Nothingcame.ThoughIstillcouldn’tfathommyneedto
obeythewords,Ihadto.
“BecauseI’mfine.Whathappenedwasfine.”
“Uh.What?Fine?You’reasuccessfulwomanandIknowthatdoesn’tmeanyoucan’t
haveawildsidebutwetalkedforagesatthecafé.Towantthatsortoftreatmentyou’dbe
apsychologicalmess.You…weren’tthat.”
ButIwasnow?
Tellhim.Tellhim.
“I’mfine.”Aheadachepoppedup,stuckanailintomyforehead.Thiswasn’tgoingto
work.ThemoreItriedtotellhim,thesickerIfelt.“Ithinkyouneedtogo.”Irubbedmy
temples.“Please.”
“Iknowthesmellofcum.Tellmeyoulikemencomingonyou,fuckingyou,
throwingyouawaylikerubbish.Thatmanboastedaboutwhathe’ddonetoyouinthat
text.TellmethatandI’llgo.WeneedtogetthepoliceinvolvedbutIneedyourwords.”
Ashe’dkeptgoing,thetensionhadbuilt.
“Tellmethat.”
“Stop,”Iwhispered.
“Thatdressandyourwordthatthiswasrape.Thetextmessage.Myevidencetoo.I
canskewitsoyou’reclean.Wecangethim,them,charged.Icandothat.”
Mytoesweresosmalldownattheendofthebed.
Tellhimnothing.
“Well?Ithinkyouneedmyhelp.It’shere.I’mhappytodothis.Iwantto.”
Iopenedmymouthtoreply,andhadafleetingglimpseofmyselfspeakinghonestly,
forthefirsttime.
Memoriesexplodedintomyhead.
Allthesex.Hiswords,hisunsaidcommands,theyweretangledupwiththelust,
woveninsotheystrangledanypossibilityofspeakingthetruth.
Ineededtolie.IhadtogetGrimmoutofmyroomandtheonlywaywastobemore
inhisface,tobenormal.Myneedtoldmethatanswer.
Ibouncedtomyfeetandwenttohim,wearingacheerfulexpression.
Inthatmoment,hiseyesmatchedhisname–grim.Dissectingtoo,asifhewastrying
tolearnwhathadhappenedbystaring.Ormaybehedidn’tbelieveme?Maybehethought
Iwaseverybitaslut,afterall?
Fuckthis.Hewasn’tmuchmorethanastranger.
“Icanseeyouwon’tchangewhatyouthinkbutIneedyoutogo.”Istood,handson
hips,studyinghimfromayardaway.“Go.Please.Thankyouforyourhelp,butyouhave
togo.”
Whenheonlyregardedmewarily,Iwentoutthebedroomdoorandgesturedatthe
stairsleadingdown.
“Go.Please.”Thenextwordsweregoingtokillmetosay.“OrdoIhavetocallthe
policetogetyououtofmyhouse?”
IfthistooktoolongwouldIimplodefromthelies?Theneedcompelledsomethingso
oppositetomyrealinnerpersonathatitthreatenedtomakemesnapandfallinaheap.
Stern-faced,herosetohisfeetlikeajudgeleavingcourtthenwalkedtomeandpast
me,stoppingwhenhereachedtheheadofthestairs.“Idon’tbelievethis.I’magood
judgeofcharacter.AmIreallythatwrong?Willyouatleasttellmewhoheis?”
Whichpartdidn’thebelieve?ThatIwasaslutorthatIwasfine?
Thismanwasso…soperfect.ButIwasn’tforhim.Notanymore.
“No.Ican’t.Goodbye.”
“Youwilltellme.Idon’tgiveupeasily.”
NeitherdidI.
Ididn’tfollowbutIwatchedashewalkeddownthenwenttothefrontdoorandleft.
Heclosedthedooranditshutwithafinalclonck.
Nowtherewasonlyme,andtheshadowsofmyfears.
Chapter13
“Thebestthingsinlifemakeyousweaty.”-EdgarAllanPoe
Zorie
HowmanydayshadIbeenwithhim?Ilayinbedblinkingatthedateonmyphone.A
weekormore?It’dblurred.He’dmademeanswermessagesandIbarelyrecalledanyof
it.I’deventalkedtosomeoneonthephone,once,whilehe’dfuckedmeslowly.
Ipressedthemobilephonetomyforeheadwhiledesperatelytryingtoremember.
Brainwashingcultshadnothingonhim.
Duetothehotweather,Ihadn’tjoggedforweeks,butnowIhadto.Anythingto
sweepawayallthecrap.Ipoundedaroundthefootpathsinthepark,wentaroundthemini
lakethreetimesthenheadedbackhome.WithoutlettingmyselfthinkaboutwhatIdid,
whenthedoorhadshutandwithsweatstilldribblingdownmyabdomenbeneathmy
exercisetop,Ipickedupmyphone,andIcalledthepolice.
BythetimeIreachedahuman,Ihadmymobileinadeathgrip.Saysomethingto
them.Sayit.Tellthem.
Icouldn’t.Mytonguehadlockeddown.Mythroatrefusedtobreatheoutthewords.
Forseveralseconds,myheadwasfilledwithjust…blankness.
Eventually,ImanagedtotellthemIwasfineandhadrungthenumberaccidentally.
Fine.Iwasbeginningtohatethatword.
Iendedthecallandwentandshoweredthenslippedonastrappysummerdress.Plan,
Ineededoneofthose.Ugh.How?Myeyeballsfeltasifthey’dbeenbathedinacid.I
neededsleep,serenity,andsomemaskedavengertocomewipehimofftheearth.
Thegunlayonmysofa,starkmetal,fullofdeadlypromise.Ihalted,stared.
Mycarwasinmygaragenow.They’dleftitparkedoutsidethehouse.WhenI’d
reachedunderthepassengerseat,thegunhadbeenthere.
TheresistanceofthetriggerasIappliedpressure,thekickbackofforce,itwasall
thereinmyhead.
Ifonly…
Isatinthearmchairthenreachedacrossandpickedupthepistol,tolayitonmylap
amongthepink,impressionisticflowersonmydress.Coldandheavyonmythighs.Such
asimplewaytohurtsomeone.Bang.Ipressedmylipstogether.
IfonlyIcoulddoit.
Iwasrestingmindlesslyinthearmchairwithmyheadfloppedback,whentheurgeto
leavethehousearrivedintsunamifashion.Slosh.Therewentmypeacefulthoughts.
Igaspedandsatup.
LikeReuben,notReuben.Someoneelse.
Someoneelsewhocouldgrabmeandfuckmeatwill?
WhatwasI?Adamnmagnet?Iwouldn’tmove.
Aheadachearrived.Mymusclesgrewstiff.
Tearssqueezedfrommyeyes.Thicktears,andIdreadedwipingmyeyesincase
thosetearsturnedouttobeblood.
TheneedheightenedandIwhimpered.Itwassurelysomeonenearby,astranger
insidemyhouseorjustoutside.
“No!”Iwhispered.Idrewupmylegs,tuckingmyselfintoadoubled-overposition
withmyheadonmythighs.Thegunslidoffmylaptoslipbetweenmybodyandthearm
ofthechair.
No.
Tryingtoresistthreatenedtocrackmeopen,tosplitmyforehead.Whowasthis?This
wasmindrape.
Fuck…fuck.
Iflungmyarmswide,grippingthearmrests,groaning.
Therewaszeropointinresisting.
Whoeverthiswas,Ididn’tjustwanttobewiththem,Ihadtobethere.Onefucked-up
roilingmessofdesire.
Sighing,Istoodandcollectedmyhandbag.Wait.Withasidewaysjumpinmy
thoughts,Ifoundthegunonthearmchairbyfeelalone,withoutlooking…justincase,just
incase.Islidthethinginsidemyhandbag,shuffledmyfeetintomysandals,andheaded
forthegarage.
IfoundmyselfdrivingtotheHilton.
Walkingintothefoyerdressedinacheapsummerdressandsandalswasalittleodd
whenmostworesuitsandtiesandcoutureclothing,butnoonesparedmemorethana
glance.
Mysandalscloppedonthepalemarblefloorofthefoyer.
Theenormoussandstonecolumnsthatrosetoceilingheight,andthesheerspacethat
wasunoccupiedbymorethanadozenguests–itgavethatinstanthitthatsaidluxuryata
price.WhatIwouldn’tgivetostayhereafewnightsandpretendtheworldwasmine.
WhatIwouldn’tgivetorefusethiscompulsion.
Mybodykeptmemovingtowardmyappointmentwiththismysteryman.
Orwoman?No.Itwasaman.
Ithoughtaboutthat,thesexualidentityattachedtothiscompulsion,andwassurethis
wasaman.Isneakedintotheelevatorontheheelsofaguestandtravelledsmoothlytothe
twenty-fifthfloorthenwalkedalongthecarpet-muffledcorridortothecorrectdoor.
Whoeverthiswas,heexpectedme.
I,ontheotherhand,expectedamonster.
Whowouldthismanbeandwhatwashispurpose?WhatwouldReubendoifhe
foundout?
Mylifewasalreadychaos.
Iputmyhandtomyhearttocalmitthenknocked,orratherIraisedmyhandtoknock
andthedooropenedaninchbeforeImadecontact.
“Comein.”
WhenIplacedmypalmontheluxuriouslysmooth,graypaint,Iheardhimwalkaway
andhadtopushhardtostopthedoorclosingautomatically.
AllIsawwashispaleochreshirtandwavyblackhairasheenteredtheroomtothe
left.Notshoulderlengthbutnotshort.Unrulyhairyetdeliberatelyso,Iguessed.Hedidn’t
seemamanwhowouldcareifhishairlookeduncombed.
Icouldtellthatfromthewaythathewalked.Notastalkingsortofwalk.Justhim,
casuallydominatingthelandscapehewalkedthrough.
WhatwasIdoing?Igulped.Thiswasastranger.I’denteredtheroomofastranger.I
hadnocluewhathewanted,excepthecommandedme,thesameasReubendid.Surelyhe
couldn’tbeworse?
Thiswasalargesuite,withabedroomandbathroomtotheright,branchingoffthe
entranceanteroom.Iwentleftandpausedasthemanturnedasiftositinaredarmchair.
Thetwosofaswereredalso,andtheroomdécorwasinmutedcolorsthatcontrastedwell
withthered.
Hisbackwasbroad.Sofar,hewasnomonster.Justaman,untilheturnedfullyand
hisfaceswamintoview.Blinking,Istrivedtofocus.Reubenhadcompellingeyesthat
leakedhorror,becauseIknewhisintentions.Thisman’seyesconnectedtomelikepower
conduits.
Compelling.Dark.Sodamndark.
Breathing,thinking,wentfar,faraway.
“YoucancallmeMisterBlack.Answerme,please.”
Itbrokethespell.Iswallowedandbreathed.“Okay.”
AminorwordbutI’danswered.
“Comeinfurther,Zorina.”Hebeckonedashesat.Hiswordsrumbledintomyheart
andtookupresidence.
Notgood.Ineededtoshakethisoff.Andcouldn’t.
Themanwasconfident,likeabusinessmanassessinganewworker,whereReuben
wasoftenderisive,because,Iguessed,fucktoyshadlittleworth.
Mouthdry,uneasy,forthiscouldheadintohazardousterritorysoquickly,Ientered.I
steppedascarefullyashehad,untilIreachedthecenteroftheroom.Thesofa?ShouldI
sit?
ThatI’devenaskedmyselfthisdismayedme.Wherehadmyownconfidencegone?I
rustledupmylecturerpersonaandmadeforthesofa.
“No.”
Ornot.Ihalted.SuchagoodpuppetI’dbecome.
Hiskneesalittleapart,withhishandstogetheronhislapandhisfingertipstouching,
hewatchedme.“DoesReubenhaveyouwellinhand?”
HeknewReuben?Inhandsaid,undercontrol.Horriblewords.Reluctantly,Inodded.
“IbelieveIwillhaveyoukneel,afterall.”Hedraggedapillowfromthesofaand
tossedittothefloorinfrontofme.
ThereIwas,relegatedtoalesserstatus,again.
Kneelingonapillowremindedmeofthatfirstdinner,andIhesitated.Themostsubtle
nudgeatmythoughtsswungmearoundandIkneeled,findingthesoftnessofthepillow
comforting.Oddly,lookingupathimwascalming.I’dbeenfidgetywhilestanding.
Thatnudge.Wasthatfromhim?Itriedtomeethiseyesagainbutcouldn’tandI
droppedmygazetohishandsinstead.
ThiswaswrongbutIwastrappedyetagain.
Myunnaturallyheavyhandbagweigheddownmyhand.Itthreatenedtosliptothe
floor.
Concentrateon…Theshapeofhislargefingers.Thedarkweaveoftheclothofhis
pants.
Carefully,Ilaidtheinnocenthandbagonthefloornexttothepillow.
Ishouldbepanicking,excepthewasn’t,yet,likeReuben.MisterBlackgaveoffa
curioussenseofsolidness,asifheknewtheworldwouldwaitforhimnomatterhowlong
hetooktoaccomplishanytask.
Hetookasquareglassfromthecoffeetablebeforehimandsippedtheamberliquid.
Icecubesclinked.
Hehadanaccentthatgavesomeofhiswordsanoddflipattheend,butitwasa
mixtureandmayberetrained,thereforedifficulttopindown.Spanish?Greek?European
definitely.
“Earlyinthedayfordrinking.Teno’clock.ButIfindIignoresociety’sconventions
moreasIgrowolder.Zorie…MayIcallyouthat?”
Beingaskedthingswasunnervingaftersomanydaysbeinganit.“Yes.”
“IknowReubenhasbeenfuckingyou.”
Funnyhowthatwordsoundedsocoarse,asifIwishedthisMisterBlackdidn’tknow.
“Tellme.”Heleanedforward.“I’mwonderinghowhetreatshiswomen…”
HisgazeloweredandIcouldalmosttellwhenheassessedmyfigure,mybreasts,and
furtherdown.Thismanwasperhapsonlydoingwhatanymanmightdobutwiththese
men,itwasaninvasiveact.Ihadtoforcemyselfnottoshiftonmyknees.
“Ithink…hetreatsthembadly.Youalso?”
Istaredatthecoffeetable.
“Answer,”hesnapped.
Fuck.I’djerked.“Yes.Hedoes.”
Icouldsaythistohim.ItwasalmostarelieftoknowIcouldtellhim.
“Whathashedonetoyou?”
Hewantedthisindetail?
“Tellme.”
Iblurted,“Doesheknowaboutyou?”
Silence,whileIcountedbloodbeats.Thumpthump.
“Youaskme?Youaren’tthesameasotherwomen.”
Wasn’tI?
“Othertakenwomendon’taskquestions.”
Makingmyselfstandoutseemeddangerous.Ipressedmylipstogether.
“Tellmewhathedidtoyou.”ThathadbeenenunciatedsoslowlythatIknewit
wouldbetroubleifIdidn’treply.
“Uh.”Ishutmyeyeswhilethecommandateatme.Mywillpowerwasbeingnibbled
at,chewedup,spatout,shreddedawayto…
Nothing.
“Hefuckedmeinfrontofothers.Madethemdoittometoo,whileIwastiedup.”
Wetnesstraileddownmycheeksfrommyeyes.“Theyleftcumalloverme.Leftmeina
dumpster.Idon’treallyknowhowmanywatchedthemdoit.Maybenone.Maybealot.I
heardclappingafterward.”
“Hehasafetishfordegradationthen.Notasbadassome.PerhapsnotasbadasIwas,
onceuponatime.”
Notasbadashewas?
Themonotonedeliveryofhisstatementmadeitchilling.Mynipplestightened–asif
mybodylikedthathemadeajokeabouthisbadness.Myreactionscaredme.Iwasfalling
ever-fasterdownsomesteepslopeofdepravity.
“Iwantedanexcusetohavehimkilledandwasthinkingofgettingyoutodoit.I
don’tthinkthatisagoodreason.”
What?HadIheardright?
“YoushouldbefreeofReuben,eventually,Zorie.Wetireofouracquired.IknowI
do.That’sprobablyamercy.”
Hetappedhisdrink.
“Youwon’tbeabletospeakofanyofthistohimortoanyone.”
Awordslippedout.“Maybe.”
Ihadn’tbeenabletoresist.Forso,solongI’dwantedtodoawful,homicidalthingsto
Reuben,whenevermymindwasabletoimagine,andthismanhadsaidhemightwantto
killhim.
WhatifI’dliedandsaidReubenhaddoneworsetome?
“Youthinkyoucouldspeakaboutit?Really?”
Thosewordsknifedin.
I’dsaidtoomuch.
“Eventohavethatdesireisunusual.Areyoudangeroustome,Zorie?”
Tohim?Igulped.“No.”
“WhatdoyouwanttodotoReuben?”
Iclenchedmyjaw.Againalittlenudgemadewordsspill.“Killhim.”
Hisexhalationwasaudiblethenhetookanothersipfromhisdrink.
“Youinterestme,Zorie.You’realecturerinbiology.Intelligent.Middle-class.Well-
offbutnotrich.”
Allstatements.Hedidn’tseemtowantareply.Thechairmadesmallsoftnoisesashe
leanedintoit.
“Isthereanythingelseremarkableaboutyou?”
ThevaguenessofthatletmeveerawayfromthatonethingIdidn’teversayto
anyone.Itwastoopainful,evenafteralltheseyears,andtohimitwouldsurelybe
unremarkable.Tohim,allwomenwouldbemerelyprey.Hethoughtkillingsomeonewas
aminorthing.Myminddidthatweirdlittlefamiliarsidestep.“No.”
“Mostpeoplehavesomethingtheyboastof.”
Boast?Hellno.Istayedmute.
MisterBlackhadshinyblackshoes,Irealized.Allofhimwasbusinesslike–evenhis
shirtseemedonehe’dwearbeneathabusinessjacket.Thecreasesandshoelacesand
buttonswereprecise.Maybehewasheretotidymeup,tosweepmeintoadustpanand
intoabin.MaybehewasReuben’sman?
MisterBlackhadtrickedme…No.Irecognizedhe’dusedhiswillonmymind,to
makemesayatruththatIwouldneverhavetoldReuben.MyhandswereshakingwhereI
claspedthemtogether,butIwhisperedoutmyquestion.“Areyougoingtokillme?”
“WhywouldI?No.”
Iwasn’tsureIshouldbelievehim.
“Ifthat’stheworstReubendoes,Ishouldbedonewithyou.I’dliketokeepyoubutI
shouldn’t.Youarenottotellhimofme.Oranyoneaboutme.”
Thatstatementwasfinal:Word.Lock.Nokey.
But,he’dliketokeepme?Whydidthatsoundenticing?Hesaidhewasasbadas
Reuben.
MisterBlackstoodandwalkedtome,untilhisbigblackshoeswerethere,besidemy
foldedleg.
“Willyoutellanyone?”
Isighed,wantingtobangmyheadonthatfloorbesidehisshoe.Godhelpme.These
menwerelikestickygum.Icouldn’tgetridoftheirinfluencenomatterhowItried.
“No.Iwon’t.”
“Imagineapoliceman,infrontofyou,askingyouquestions.Couldyoutellhim,
phonehim,writeitdown?Whathashappenedtoyou–anyofit?AboutReubenor
myself?”
Commanded,Iimagined.MytoescurledandforasecondIwondered.Maybe…But,
no.“No.Icouldn’t.”MyheadloweredasIwasstrickenbythehorriblefinalityofthis.
“No.”
“Good.Notmanywomensuccumbtothisabilitywehave.IknowReubenfoundyou
inDarwin.”
“Yes,”Isaidsoftly.I’djustadmittedtoneverbeingabletotell.Ihadclungtothe
hopethatmycompulsiontoliewouldonedayfail.
“AmIgoingtokillyou?No.Imight’vemadeuseofyou.I’dneverkillyou.I’msure
Reubendoesn’tdeserveyou.Givemeyourhand.”
Saidsosmoothly.Itwasacompliment,Isupposed.Whatdidhemeanbymakeuse
of?Thatsoundedominous,likekeepingme,onlyworse.Withoutlookingupfromhis
shoes,Iraisedmyarm.Ifelthimtakemyhand,turnitover,andplacehisthumbonthe
palm.
Theshockrolledin,asoverpoweringaswhenReubentouchedme.Iclosedmyeyes
andletitrunitscourse.
“I’dliketoseeyou.”Hereleasedmyhand.“Takeoffyourdress.”
Thesexualmiasmathesemenwieldedshudderedthroughme,invadingeveryatomof
mybody.
Mr.Black’swillwassoquietIhadtroubletellingwhenheuseditonme,butmy
fingerswerealreadypullingatthesidesofmydress.Medangerous?Mr.Blackwasfar
moredangerousthanIcouldeverbe.
Withmydresspulledovermyhead,Iputthegarmenttoonesideandstayedthere,
kneeling,withmyhandsinmylap.Icouldfeelhiseyesuponme.Ashiverbuiltandmy
nipplesbecamehardlittlebuttonsbeneathmybra.Mybreathingturnedragged.
“Reubenisdefinitelylucky.You’reverydesirable.Eventomenlikeme,andI’vehad
hundredsoflovers.”
Hiswordssweptmelikeaperversionofasigh.Ifeveramancouldbeasiren,this
washe.WhereReuben’swordsandwillwereblunthammers,MisterBlack’swere
scripturewrittenonthewind.
Washetryingtomakemefeelgood?Becausehehad.Thatawfultightnesshadlifted
frommychest.
Thismanwasnice.Toonice.
Theairintheroombecamesparse.Mybreastsroseandfellsorapidlyitdemoralized
me.Concealingmyarousalwasimpossible,butinthismoment,IwishedIcould’ve
hiddenitmorethananythingintheworld.IknewwhatmenlikeMisterBlacklikedtodo.
Hewalkedahalfcirclearoundme.Iheardthedistinctivescrapethenslideand
musicaltinkleofabeltbucklebeingslippedthroughtheloopsofpants–aheraldas
ominousastheslitherofasnake.Mydressslidawayfrommeashepickeditupand
tosseditontothechair.Myhandbag,heknockeditwithhisfootthenpusheditaside.The
leatherflapuncurledandopened,revealingthedarkinsidesofmybagandahintofgun
metal.
Ibowedmyhead,lookedaway,andswallowedmymisgivings.
“Whatwasthat?”Swiftly,hearrivedbesideme,ononeknee.
Atinnysoundkeenedinmyears.
“Whatdoyoufear?”
Nothing,nothing,nothing.Butmyeyesweredisobedientandslowlyturnedtofocus
onthebagthatheldthegun.
“This?”Hishand,likesomeindependentcreature,searchedinthebagandcameout
withmygun.Heshowedittome,lettingmeseeeverypartwhilethatfearpluckedatmy
throat.“Youbroughtagunwithyou?Lookatme,Zorie.”
Imethiseyesthenplayedwithmylipswithmytongue,nervousashellbutnotready
toleavethisearth.Notyet.Notyet.Ihadbadmentokill.
“Yes.”Iwasgoingtodie,afterall.Reubenwould’vefedmetodogsforthis,Iwas
sure,aftermakingthemfuckme.“Yes.Idid,”Iwhispered.
Notbeingabletoliewassuchacurse.
“Isee.”Hestraightenedandplacedthegunonthesofabesidemydress.IfIlunged,I
couldgetit.“Thinkingaboutgrabbingit?”
Fuck.Inodded,blinkingcrazilyasItriednottospeak.
“Andcouldyouuseitonme?”
Ahhh.Bastardforexposingthis.Ineededsomethingsecretatmycore.Some
rebelliousness,somemagic.MythighssufferedasIbunchedmyhandsintofists,scraping
mynailsalongmyupperlegs.“No!Fuck.Icouldn’t.”Isobbed,swipedatmyeyes.“I
hateyou.”
“Don’thurtyourself.”
Inodded,andhatedthatI’ddonethattoo.
“IthinkyouhateReubenandyourneedtoobey.Notme.”MisterBlackplacedhis
handonmyheadandpattedmegently.“Thelustwecreateisaddictive.Anything
entangledwiththatlustbecomesapriorityforyou.Thecompulsiontoobeygrows.Itwill
becomeapartofyou,forever.Thatneedtoobeycanmeannottellinganyoneaboutthe
arrangementyouhavewithus.Nomatterhowbadlyyou’retreated,aslongasthelusthas
you,youstayloyal.”
Didthispowertheyhadcreatebadmen,orweretheybornthatway?
“Mostacceptit.Idon’tknowifyoueverwill.You’reanoddone,Zorie.”
Hethoughttherewasawayaroundthisthough,thathecouldteachmetokillmen
likehim.Thatwasstunning.
Theendofhisfreedbeltswayedandbumpedagainsthispants.
“Bendovermore,withyourheadlowandyourhandsatyourback.”
Shit.Itriedagain,triedandtriedtoresist,andfailed.
Trembling,Ididasheaskeduntilmyfacewasafootfromtherugandmyhands
claspedbehindme.Ifeltthetoeofhisshoepressonmyskin,justabovemypanties,and
nudgemyfingers.BentoverasIwas,thesplitofmyasswouldbeshowingabovethe
elastic.Hisshoescrapedlightlydownward,draggingmypantieswithit.Lower,lower
still,untilheshuffledmypantiesallthewaydownandtheyonlyclungtomeatthefront
wheretheclothwascaughtbymybody.
“Nice,”hemurmured.
Ifeltondisplay,inawayReubenhadnevermanaged.Myslitmoistened.Thiswas
likethemomentbeforeGodzillastompedonacity.
Whenwouldhestomponme?
When,wouldhe…
Thebuckleendofhisbeltgrazedmyshoulders,clicking,clinkinglightlythenthe
coolmetaltravelledovermybackandalongmyspine.Asmyawarenessheightened,my
skinseemedtoriseaboveitself.
“Wegatherpowerandwealthaswellaswomen.Itseemstocomewiththeabilityto
control.Thetemptationofpower…Doesitcorrupt?Yes.Forsomemorethanothers.I’ve
seenithappen.”
MisterBlackdidn’tseemtocareifIspoke.AlreadyIknewsomuchmore.IfonlyI
couldusethatinformation.
“Whyareyoutellingmeallthis?”Iliftedmyheadalittle.
“Toreassureyou.Iseenoreasontokeepyouignorant.”
HecouldtellIwasworried?Howfarcouldhelookinsidemymind?
Onefingertouchedmeattheangleofneckandshoulder.Igasped.Mymouthstayed
openandmyeyelidsfluttered.
Sensationkindledfromthemerebrushofhisskinonmine.
“Headdownmore.Keepyourhandswheretheyare.”
He’dseguedintotheinstructionsofastIwasflustered.Mydesireandhiswilllaced
throughmeinskeinsofelegantfire.Ididasheasked,keptwristtowrist,andalsopressed
mythighstogether,hardenoughtosqueezemyclit.
Itcenteredme.
Here.
Now.
Ineededhim…
Anddidn’twantto.
MisterBlacksquattedbesideme.Hisscentfellthroughmelikejunglerain.Heputhis
handonmyshoulder,onefingerslidingbeneathmybrastrap.
“Tellme,didyoulikewhatReubendidtoyou?Haveyoueverhaddreamsabout
beingfuckedbymenlikewhathedid?”
“Whydoyouaskthat?”
“BecauseI’vefoundallsusceptiblewomenhavesucheroticfantasies.”
Oh,hewasamonsterafterall.Ishookmyhead.Notthat.Beingscrewedbythree
menwithmyfacetiedtometalbars?Thatwouldbeinsane,likingthatforreal,butmy
clit,whichwasalreadyinahappystateofearlyarousal,swelledmore.
“I…Not…Not…”
“Truth!”
ThenoIwantedtosaywassoconcreteitlodgedinmythroat,solid.
Hishandscrewedintomyhairandhehauledmyheadbackatanangleuntilmyneck
musclesprotested.Myscalponfirewithpain,Isqueaked.
Hesmileddownintomyeyes.“Tellme.”
“Fuck.”Thetruthwas…Itwas…“Yes,”Icroaked.“IloveditandIhavehad
fantasieslikethat.”
“Thankyou.”
ExceptIhadn’tadmittedthattomyselfuntilhemademesayit.
“Eroticfantasiesaren’tmeanttobereal,”Iblurted.
Thatsmileofhismademyconsciousnessswimaway.
Thenhereleasedmyhair,lettingmecollapseandswingmyheaddownontomy
thighs.Myhairmadeacaveasitfellaboutme,aredcavewhereIcouldhidefromthe
monster.Hegrippedmywristsandroughlylacedthemtogetherwiththebelt.
“Please,”Iwhispered,halftomyself.“Don’ttakeitall.Ineedsomeofme…”
Chapter14
MisterBlack
Hersmallpleadrifted.
Leavesomeofme.
Ihadnodoubtshebarelyknewshe’dsaidthosewordsaloud,thoughIcouldtellshe
triedtokeepherselffromsuccumbingtome,herownmake-updefiedher.
Ididn’tneedtotieherbutIlovedthelookofawomanbound,mybeltabouther
hands.Withherheaddown,herbodycurvedintotheexquisiteshapeofawoman
presentingherselfforsexorforinspection.MissZorinaBrownwasnearirresistible.
“Staythere.”Iwenttositonthecurvedfour-seatersofaoppositetowhereIhadbeen
–amuchbetterview.
Herrearendwasintheair,enticingme,exposed.Withthedown-lighting,Icouldsee
hermoisturegleamingbetweenherpussylips.Irubbedmychin,consideringwhattodo.
Herassswayed,slightly,fromsidetoside.IfIsatforward,Icouldreachher.Myerection
wasbeggingmetodojustthat,pressingenthusiasticallyagainstmyboxers.
Unbutton,unzip,andIcouldbeinsideherinseconds.
Ishouldn’t.Shebelongedtoanothermesmer.IfItookher,mightn’theknow?Itwas
suchastrongconnection,fuckingawoman,thatIwasn’tsure.Ilaybackandsuckedinair
throughmynose.
Whydidshecalltomelikethis?
Ithoughtperhapsitwasbecauseshewasn’tsimplysusceptible–itwasbecauseshe
wasabletoresist.ThatpotentialIsawinher,tothwartmesmercommands,waswhatI’d
hopedtouse.Imight’vetrainedhertoresistevenharder.ExceptReubenwasarun-of-the-
millpervertanddidn’tneedkilling.
Ileanedforwardanyway.Eveniftheevidencewasn’tbeforeme,Icouldtasteher
arousalinmymind.Shewasfrightened,terrifiedoflosingherself,ofbeingforever
enslaved,andshewascravingwhatIcouldgiveher.
Ishouldwaitandtakeherwhenhetiredofher.
Rightnow,inthisinstant,herplump,reddenedlabianeededaman’sattention.
“Howareyoufeeling,Zorie?”Igrinnedatherhuffedexasperation.“Tellme
precisely.Whatdoyouwant?”ThenIsaidthewordthatwouldfrustrateherthemost.
“Truth.”
Afewsecondslater,hermuffledreplyreachedme.“Horny.Scared.”
Iwassuretherewasmore.Anotherfemalewouldhavetrottedouteverydetailby
now.Shewasindeedachallenge.
I’dnothadachallengefromawoman…sinceforever.
ThatwassuchaweirdfactthatIpausedtothinkitthrough.
Icouldn’ttakeherbuttherewereotherpossibilitiesthatwouldamuseme.
Playingwithherwouldlessenherfearsaswellassatisfymyneedtomesswiththis
littledefiantwoman.
Ilovedtheideaofmakingherminewithout,quite,makinghermine.
Slowly,Ileanedforward.Withoneelbowonmyknee,Ireachedoutandputmy
fingeronherwhereherlowerlipsjoinedbelowherasshole,sheflinched.Asecondlater,I
begantoweavemyfingertipdownward,toyingwithherlipsasmyfingertipdescended.
Myfingerrovedoverhillanddale,almostfuckingher,thennot.Icouldseeeveryclench
ofhercuntandtheslowseepageofwetnessfromherentrance.
ThatandawomanwhogroanedwheneverIfoundherholebutjourneyedonward?
Fuckinggorgeous.
“WhenIfirstbeganhandlingwomenlikeyou…”
Iplayedsomemore,asIspoke,slidingmyfingerinhermoisture,paintingherinner
thighs,goingaroundheranusbutignoringherprotrudingclit,excepttocircleit,onceor
twice,atadistance.
“…Iusedmywilllikestone.WithyouI’musingenoughtokeepyoukneeling.Only
that.Iwanttoseeyouranimalresponses.Withyourclotheson,youcanpretendtobe
politeandnaive,butwithme,nakedandwithyourcuntinmyface,you’regoingtobemy
whore,andallbecauseyouwanttobe.”
ThistimeIthoughtIcaughtthetwistinhermindthatseemedtosignaloncoming
resistance.I’msuremyeyeswidened.
Shechokedasshesaidherwords.“I’mnot.Yourwhore.”
Wasthatafluke?ThatIfeltthatinhermind?
“No?”
Ifocusedonherass,onthedelectableswellofherbuttandIranmyunoccupiedhand
downherside.Smooth,prettyskin.Theawesomesoftgiveoffemaleflesh.
Withoutwarning,Iworkedtwofingersintoher.Herwallsclampeddown,butI
burrowedthemin,fuckinghersoppingwetcuntever-deeper.
Herlittlegruntsandwhimpersweremusictomyneglectedcockanditpulsed.“One
day,MissZorie,I’mgoingtofuckyouproperly.”
Anotherwhimper,andasquirmofherass,mademesmile.
“Changedyourmind?Wouldyoulikemycocknow?”IsaidthatquietlyasIsqueezed
athirdfingerinside.“Answerme.”
Alreadyshewasshovingherselfbackwardontomyfingersandshudderingasshedid
so.Shesuckedinafewmoregasps,beforegrudginglyansweringme.
“Yes.”
“Uh-uh.Myname.Saythankyouforfuckingme,MisterBlack.”
Herheadloweredallthewaytothefloorbeforeshemutteredit,muffledbytherug
andherbody.“Thankyou.Forfuckingme.MisterBlack.”
Ahotthrillranallthewaytomyballs.Thatsoundedgood,comingfromher.With
her,gettingobediencewaslikeextractinginformationundertorture.Sweettorture.
ThoughReubenhadleftafewbitemarksandbruisesonherbackandstomach,they
werenothingmorethanwhatfiercelovemakingmightcause.Hercuntwasaroused,she
wasaroused,andshewasshowingnosignsofpaindespitehavingthewedgeofmythree
fingersresidinginhertoadepththatstretchedherseverely.
Thatmindjumphappenedandherhandstwitched.Thoughthebeltaroundherwrists
stoppedher,IthoughtIknewwhatshewanted–thegunonthesofa.
“Damn.Youareaoneofakind.No.”
Iclampeddownwithmywill,removedmyfingersfrominsideher.
“I’msorry,”shewhispered.
Icouldreadher.WhatifReubencould?
Eitherway,Ismiled,thiswasstrangelysatisfying.Lifewasfarmoreinterestingwhen
youhadtostruggleforit.
Iundidmybeltfromherhands,thenretrievedthegunandputitattheveryendofmy
sofa.
“Uphere.Lieacrossmylap,stomachdown,withyourheadtowardthegun.”There
wasplentyofroomforthis.Iwantedmoreofher,moreskin,moreofherfeel.More
possession.
Ishould’vesentheraway.Should’vekepttheguntokeepherawayfromtemptation.
Nottoday.IhadafierceneedtoseehowfarIcouldgo.
WhenZorieclimbedtoherfeet,therewasahintoffireinherexpression,butshe
cametomeandpositionedherselfasIasked.Stomachdown,onmylap,herasswasjust
whereIwantedit,whereeverythingwasvisible.
She’dpulledherunderwearbackintoplacewhenshe’dstood.Itskedatthesightof
themauvesatinandlace,eventhoughitclungtothecontoursofherpussy,revealingall.
Dampnessdarkenedthecrotchofthepanties.
“ReachbackandpullasidethecrotchsoIcanseeyourcunt.”
AsbeforeIkeptmywillcrankeddowntoalmostnothing.Myreactionswerefast.
Whenherarmmoved,shewriggledagainstme,makingmegruntatthepressureon
mycock.Herfingersfoundthestripofclothbetweenherlegs,rolleditaside,andheldit
there.
“Good.”Iunclippedherbraandletthestrapsfalltothesofa.“Pushyourfingersinto
yourcunt.”Alotofwomenhatedthatword,whichonlymademeenjoyusingitmore.
Watchingherfingervanishintohercuntuptothesecondknucklewasthebestmagic
trick,ever.
ThebitemarkReubenhadleftonherrightbuttockannoyedme.
“Don’tmove.”Ibentanddeliberatelytookalargechuckofherleftassbetweenmy
teeththenslowlyincreasedthepressureuntilsheshrieked.Alittlemorepressurehadher
gaspingandbegging.Herfingerthough,stayedinsideher.Ireachedbeneathandbeganto
toggleandpressonherclit.
Beingamesmergavemeacertainmagicwithmyfingers.Icouldbringawomanto
orgasm,ortothebrinkofone,quickly…evenwithmyteethpainfullysunkenintoher
butt.
ShouldI?
Yes.
Ibroughtherthere,almost,easedoffthendiditagain.Keepingherhandinplace,I
penetratedher,slidingmyownfingeralongsidehers.Ifuckedherwithherfingerand
mine.Ilethercome,withhergaspingandwriggling,thenIbitheragain,harder.Iletthe
painpeak,theorgasmfloodher,untilshewasshakingwithbothpainandclimaxatonce.
Hermusclemovementsandhersoundsbecamecrazier.Shebuckedonlytofindmyteeth
holdingher,cameagain,pantedandmoaned,andwasovercomebeforeshecouldrecover
bymorepain,morepleasure.
AtthelastshewasbabblingandgroaningandjerkingallatthesametimewhileI
fingerfuckedher,drivingin,takingherthiswayifnotwithmycock.Beautiful,absolutely
beautiful,toseeherundonelikethis.
Istoppedandpulledmyfingerfromherpussy,buthersremainedlodgedinside.I
smirked.Poorthing.Ihelpedherremoveherfingerandrearrangedherlimparm.
Strokingherbackandneck,Icalmedher,doinggentlecircleswithmyfingersaround
myteethmarksonherasscheeks.
Reubenwouldn’tnotice.Maybe.MylipstwitchedasIcontemplatedtheresult.Her
skinwasratherredandbruised.
Myexperimentwasperhapsbadlytimed.Shelookedasexhaustedbyorgasmsasa
womancouldget.
Andmypantswerewet.“Messygirl,”Imurmured,drawinglinesonherthighswith
themoisturedrippingfromher.“Now.Seeifyoucangrabthegun.”
Silence.
“Wha?”
Igatheredthatwasawhat.
“Grabthegun.IwanttoseehowfaryoucangowhenIonlyholdyoulightlywithmy
mind.”Irelaxedmymindholdevenmore.Solight,she’dbarelyknowitexisted.
“Uh.”
ForawhileIwonderedifIshouldgiveup.Shewasspacedout.I’dlostmychanceby
gettingtoo…enthusiasticwithpleasuringherandmarkingher.
Fuckthough.Myteethleftgoodmarks.
Iwashappyjustpattingher,mydisheveledwoman…well,shewasminewithin
limits…gettingfamiliarwiththewarm,prettycurvesofherbody,whensheroseand
lungedforthegun.Sheslidacrossmylap,hadthebuttinherhand,andwasswinging
around,beforeIgleefullystoppedherdead.Herbreastswobbled.Herredhairwhipped
aroundherface,stickingtoherneckandforehead.Shestaredoutatmethroughthe
waywardlocks.
Ihadheragain.DareIgofurther?
Frozen,herfaceshowedconsternationinthebiteoflipandtwistofbrow.Sweaty,
pinkandred-blotchedgirl.Theorgasmshadmessedherupinspiteofthecoolnessofthe
room.
“Thinkyoucandomore?”Itauntedher,tweakinganeyebrowupward.“Try.”
Ilethergoandherfingerwrappedaroundthetrigger.Iclampeddown,aggressively,
andshegasped.Thebarrellowered.Shedeflectedtheaimsidewaysintotheroom.A
twitchofwristthoughandshe’dhavemeinhersights.
Icouldfeelthegiveandpullinherthoughts.Relentingalittleletherpushagainstmy
willandthebarrelswungslowlytowardme.
“You,bitch.”Igrinned.“So,youcandoit.”
Shehuffed,frowning,asshestrainedtoovercomemycommand.
Ishouldn’tattemptthisnextthing,but…
“WhathaveIdonetoyou,Zorie?Doyoureallywanttokillme?”
Sheonlygruntedagainandsuckedinherlowerlip.
OhIknewIshouldn’tdothis.Iraisedmyhandanddrewalineacrosstheseamofher
mouth.Hersucked-onbottomlippoppedout,wet.Irresistible,thatlittleholethatledinto
her.Ipushedmyfingerbetweenthosesoftlipsandfelthertongueflickoverandexplore
thetip,tastingme,nodoubt.
Sheswallowedandregardedmewithwideeyes,asifshe’dnotreallyseenmebefore.
“I’mnotyourenemy.I’mnot,Zorie.Putdownthegun.”Iremovedmyfingerfrom
hermouth.ThenIdidwhatwouldhavebeenunthinkableanhourbeforethis,Ilether
mindgo,completely.
Forseveralpulse-thumpingsecondsshewavered,thegunwavered.Herarmshook
thenZorieloweredthegun.Shesighed.
“Ican’tkillyou.Iwanttokillsomeone,butnotyou.”Herfrowncameandwent,
cameandwent.Perplexedgirl.“I’msurethat’swrong.Afterwhatyoujustdidtome.”
Maybeintherealworldthatwastrue.Withme,no.She’dlearn.
“Let’snothaveanyaccidents.Putitonthefloor.”
“Really?”Herfingerscaressedthemetal.Shemutteredsomecursesthenleaneddown
andplacedthegunonthefloor.“There.”
Asherloosenedbraslippeddownherarmsandfellatopthegun,herbreastsswung
enticingly.
TheheightenedawarenesswhenIsawthatguntouchthefloorandherleaveitthere,
whenIhadnounnaturalinfluenceonherandshewasdoingitofherownvolition–azing
hadgonetomyballsandbrain.Idrewinalongbreath.WhenhadIlastbeenthisontop
oftheworld?Notformanyyears.
Shewasatouchstoneformeandsoacreatureofincredibleworth.AsIcontemplated
her,Ifelttheskinaroundmyeyescrinkle.
IhadtolethergosothatIcouldgatherherupagain,atsomefuturetime.Annoying
andsad,buttrue.
Zoriefidgeted,thenshecrossedherarmsoverherbreastsandpeekedovertheedge
forthatdroppedbra.
“Leaveit.”Leisurely,Icaressedherbodywithmygaze.Hernipplesweregorgeously
pink.
“Ishouldgo.”
“No.Notyet.”
Aftermyrevelation,Icouldn’tbeartolethergososoon.
Cominginsidehermightleaveindeliblesigns,but…
Icreatedawispoflustwithinherthoughtsandleftittheretoswellandmultiplythen
Ibeckonedwithmyfinger.Hereyesdilated.
“Zorie.”
“Yes,MisterBlack?”TherewereteartracksonherfacefromwhenI’dmadeher
come,overandover.
God,theobedientslavehalfofherfuckedwithmyheadtoo.
“Onyourhandsandknees.”Evenwiththelengthofthissofa,loweringherselftoher
handsbroughthertowithinafootofmythigh.Iunzippedmyflyandtookoutmycock.I
might’veaskedhertoputhermouthonmebutinsteadIdraggedhertherestofthe
distancebyherhairandpushedhermouthhalfwaydownmycock.Hergulpasshetook
meinwasmindrending.
“Damn!”Ihissed.
Thatshehummedaninquiryandpeeredupatmeonlymadeitworse.
Eyesnarrowed,ballsalreadytight,andwonderingifIwouldcomeafterafewdeep
thrustsinsidehermouth,Isimplyleftherthere.Whenherlittletonguestirredunderneath
myshaftandexploredme,Ialmosttoldhertostop.
Thepleasurewasexcruciatingbutitwasworthit.Icouldholdmyselfback.
Withonehandonherchinandtheotherinherhair,Ikeptherinplaceandletmy
cocktwitchcontentedlyinhermouth.
“Juststaythereawhile.”Istrokedher,sensingtheslowingofhermindwhenshe
realizedIwasdoingnothingmorethanthis.“I’llletyougo,soon.”
SoonasI’dimbeddedthissightinmymemory–mycockgoingintohermouth.
Ididn’tlikehavingtowaitforReubentotireofher,butthealternativewasletting
othersdiscovermyexistence.
WhenIfinallyhadhertomyself,maybeIcouldteachherhowtodefymesmers.That
couldbedangerousforme,butIwantedhertodothingsthatwouldputherinincredible
dangertoo.Titfortat.
IhadmoneyandIregularlyuseditforquasi-legalactivities,butemployinganyoneto
killforme?No.Ineededsomeonewhocouldn’truntothepoliceorimplicateme.
IntimeI’dfindouthowthiswouldevolve.I’dtakethatunsaferoadbecauseIaimed
toridthisworldofsomemenmoredespicablethanIwas,andalsobecauseIcouldkeep
herasaprize.She’dbealovelyadditiontomycollection.
Mycockthrobbed.Iwouldn’tcome.Still…Iforcedherdownasmidgeonmore.The
slideofherwetlipsandtonguefeltincredible.
Chapter15
Zorie
Ifanythingcouldeverbesurreal,itwouldbebeingmadetobestillwhileamanwatched
mequietly,withhiscockgoingintomymouth.Thoughhehadcoercedme.Icouldtell.I
wasgrowingevermoresensitivetotheuseofwill.
ButI’denjoyedit.
I’dlikedwhatMisterBlackhaddonetome,andnotjustinthatforced,artificialway.
Damn.
IfI’dnotfeltawhorebeforeenteringtheHilton,nowIdid,walkingoutacrossthat
broadopenfoyerwithmypantiesstillwetandmysandalsmakingthatobviousclock
clocknoise.Thetasteofhiscockwasinmymouth.Mybottomburnedfromthebites.My
pussyhurtfrombeingstretchedbeyondnormallimits.
MisterBlack.
MaybeIwasawhoreatheart.
Nothingwasmoretruthinducingthanbeingshownthedarkestsecretsyoudidn’t
evenknowyouhad.
AtleastnowIcouldseewhereIwasintheschemeofthings.Reubenwouldtireof
meeventually.Iwouldn’tbeabletospeakofit,butIwouldbefree.
Thankgod.
ThatMisterBlackhadmademedoubtmyself?Notgood.Notexactlybadeither.Was
Itrulythatwicked?Hecouldhavebeenmanipulatingme.Infact…Ihaltedforasecond.
Anythinghe’dsaidcould’vebeenalie.
Iwasfairlysurehe’dbeentruthfulaboutthemesmers.Therewasnoreasontolie,that
Icouldthinkof.Theother,mydesires,whenI’dadmittedthem,it’dseemedtrue.
Thegunwasstillinmyhandbag.AftertheabuseI’dsuffered,Iwasdisappointedin
myselffornotbeingbraveenoughtouseit,yethewasnottheoneIneededtouseiton.
Instead,myperceptionshadflipped.IandMisterBlackhadaconnection.
Theimplication–hewantedtoonedayteachmetokillmenlikehim.
Thatcouldbealietoo.
Damn.
****
Iclutchedmyphonetomychest,lookingoutthroughtherainanddust-speckled
windscreenofmycar.Wheretogo?IshouldbeascreamingmessandyetIcouldn’teven
callthepolice.Thepsychologyofthisdefeatedme.Somehowalayerofhappinessexisted
thatletmefloatabovetheterrorthatshouldbeinside.I’dbeenabused,humiliated,made
totakepartindepravedsexacts,andIwas,mostly,happy.
Happybutpissedoff.Frightenedofmypredicamentbutunabletoshowit.Asif
they’dslippedsomenumbingdrugintomyblood.Thelogicwastherebutnotmostofthe
fearIshouldbefeeling.WhenReubenhadme,thefearhadrisenclosertothesurface.
Goinghomeseemeddaunting.HomewaswhereReubenwouldfindmeifheneeded
me.Or–Ilookedatmyphonethendroppeditintomyhandbag–orhemightsimplytext
meandsaycome.Iwouldobeyhimtoo.Iknewthat.
Distressing.
Ineededtodothingsthatmadetherealworldfeelrealbeforeseeingmyhouse.
MisterBlackhaddismissedmewithakissonmycheekandsaidhewouldn’tseeme
againforalongtime.I’dbeenweirdlydisappointedaswellasscaredthathewouldever
wanttoeverseemeagain.Ifhecametomyhome,howwouldIfeel?
Unsettled,Ifoundacaféandatelunchthendrovetotheuniversity.Myofficeinthe
FacultyofSciencebuildingwasalittlehavenofmundanity.Ididn’tneedtobehereto
organizemycoursebutitmademenormalize.TheplacewhereIwentforcoffee,mycar
park,thefewstaffhereinthesemesterbreak,allthesesankin,rebuildingwhatIneeded–
myself.
Exceptnowandthen,inthemiddleofthemundane,jaggedmemoriespoppedintomy
head.
Beingfuckedinacage.Throwninadumpster.
Shovingawaythatnastiness,breathingslowly,andmovingonbecameahabit.
Icheckedmyworkemailsandfoundamillion,ortobeprecise,twohundredand
threeunread.
OnefromCherieWolfepoppeduplastandIsmiledmyfirstrealsmileforweeks.The
girlhadarichfamilyandcould’velivedacushylifemarriedtosomeonefromhersocial
circlebutshewasdeterminedtodomorethanthatwithherlife.Aftershegaineda
bachelorofscience,shehadideasofnarrowingdownintomedicalresearch.Itwas
possiblewithhercurrentmarks,justnotlikely.
Ihadtogiveherpointsfortryingthough.Throughacommoninterestinswimming
I’dgottentoknowthegirloutsidethecourse.Noapplesonthedesk,justaninterestinthe
worldasmorethanherprivateplayingground,andit’dmademenoticeherasacaring
humanbeing.
Cheriewantedtogetstartedonstudyingearly.Easy.Isentherafewlinksinmyreply.
Nowtogetuptoscratchonthisnewruleonassessmentthefacultyhaddecidedon.
TwohourslaterIstretchedandstood,mychairsqueakingasitranbackonitswheels.
Iadjustedasmallpileofpaperwork.Thatneverwentaway,evenwiththee-learningthat
proppedupalotofeducationnowadays.
Timetogohome.
LuckyIdidn’thaveacat.Itwould’vestarvedtodeathwhileIwaswithReuben.If
onlyI’dnotgoneonthattour.Theifonlyshadgonearoundandaroundinmyheadbefore.
Toolate.Ithadhappened.Takestock.BegladIwasalive.
Keepthinking.
CouldImaybepracticeresistance?MisterBlackhadgivenmethatpossibility.How,
though?WhatwouldReubendoifIsucceeded?Mynipplestightenedascoldshiveredin.
Hemightdoanything.
Thedrivehomewasroutine,justSydneytrafficdoingitsworsttomakemecrazy,but
I’dalreadybeentocrazytownthesepastfewweeks.ThegaragedoorsliddownafterI
pressedtheremote’sbutton.Myheartdidwhatitalwaysdid,pumpedblood.Iwasme.
ButIwasnolongernormal,nomatterwhatroutinestuffinwhichIimmersedmyself.
CouldIreallyfunctionlikethis?Knowinghe’dcallmebackanytimehewanted?
Ihadto.
Beingawayforafewdaysmeantmymailboxmightbeoverflowingwithlettersand
junkmail.Iwalkedthoughmylivingroomandoutthefrontdoortocheck.Itwasstuffed
fullandIretrieveditall,sortingitroughlyasIstoodthere.
ThepetuniashadwiltedwhileIwasaway.Atleastthecosmoswerehappy.Inthe
breeze,thewhiteandpinky-purpleflowersbobbedontheirtallstalks.Igatheredthemail
cataloguesandcrapandturnedtogobackin.Somekidswereplayingfurtherdownthe
street,runningaroundscreaming.
“Hello.”
Ishrieked,justalittle,anddroppedthejunkmail.
GrimmHellerwashere.Inmyfrontyard.Well,sortof.Hestoodonthefootpath
undertheweepingwillowandmusthavebeenconcealedbythetrunkuntilhesteppedout.
Pretendinghewasinconsequential,Ikneeledtogatherthepaper.“Whatareyoudoing
hereagain?”
“Truth?IfiguredyouneededafriendandIcamepastjustincaseyouwerehome.I’m
notstayinghere,inyouryard.Toomanystrangethingsarehappening.”
Yes,him,justhappeningtobeherewhenIcamehome.OrwasIbeingsuper-
suspicious?Nowonder.Themenaroundmeweremakingmethatway.
Grimmwasnormal,nice,remember?
“Meetmedownnearthatparkdowntheroad.Pastthatlittlelake.”
What?
Thenhewalkedaway.Stunned,Istaredatthebrightyellowcatalogueforelectrical
goodsinmyhand.Why?Whywashebothering?
WhyshouldImeethim?
Because,idiot,hewantstohelp.
Everyonewastellingmewhattodo.
IfItookthegun,I’dbefine.Fine.Ugh,thatwordI’dhadtosaysomanytimes.
No.Nofuckinggun.
GuessI’ddecidedIwouldmeethim.
Chapter16
Zorie
TheparkremindedmeofthatothertimewithReuben.Thewholepeacefulcommuning
withnaturethinghadalwaysworkedforme.It’dbeawfulifIlostthat.Istoodunderthe
spreadingfigthatoverhungthecarparkingareaandtookamomenttoletthestillness
washoverme.
I’ddressedinshorts,exercisetop,andgymshoesagain,soIcouldpretendIwas
jogging.Thesecondtimeinoneday.AtleastIwasgettingfit.NowallIhadtodowas
pretendIdidn’tknowHeller?Whydidhethinksecrecywasgood?Cometothinkofit,
wouldReubencare?
MisterBlackhadthoughtothermenwouldbotherReuben.
ThoughGrimmwasn’tmylover.HemustthinkIwasbeingblackmailed.Itwas
logical,ifhethoughtmeaninnocentsort.Which,Ihadbeen.
Iwasn’tnowandnoteveragain.Ishookmyhead,dismissingthatwhimperfrommy
past.
Movingon.
Inatwistedway,blackmailwasright.Thiswasn’thappeningofmyownvolition.
Therehewas,overonthegrassbesidethelake.Duckswerecruisingpast.The
joggingpathwasbehindhimandontheothersideofthat,beneaththeshadeoftrees,was
aseat.
Hewantedtohelp.Itookadeepbreathandstartedrunning.Hewantedthistolook
likeanaccidentalmeeting.Asifsomeonewatched?Unlikely,butokay,playthegameby
hisrules.Frompastexperiencethiswasgoingtobepurefrustration.Speakingtohim
aboutwhathadhappenedtomewouldbeimpossible.
Ijoggeduptohim,slowly,andheardhimsaytotheair,whenyoucomebackaround,
sitontheseat.Feelingverysecretagent,Ididashesuggested,wentaroundthecircular
paththenslidontothecoolgraymetaloftheseat.Grimmhadhalfturnedandwas
throwingbreadattheducks,makingplonknoisesinthewater.Masterfulplanning.
“Thisisallabitsilly,don’tyouthink?”
“I’mthinkingahead.Youdon’twantmehere?I’llgo,forever.”
Pantinglightly,Islumpedbackagainsttheslatsoftheseatthenwipedsweatfrommy
facewithonehand.Thesunwasoutandglintingonthewaterandacrossthetopof
Grimm’shair.Theducksweredoingduckgymnasticsandwingflurriestogetatthebread.
AndGrimmwasthemostpersistentman,ever.
“Whatareyoudoing?”
Heeyedme,warily.“I’mgoingthen?”
Iswallowed,thoughtaboutsayingmoreabouteverythingandblankedout.
“Ican’tsay…anything.”
Grimmwenttorise,handonthegrass,thosebigmalelegsgatheringunderhim,
bicepstattooripplinginthesun.Automatically,Ididaswiftappraisal.
Hewasn’tstirringmequitelikehehadbeforebutthatwasonlynaturalafter
everythingthat’dhappened.JeansandaplainbrownT-shirt,cinched-backblondhair,and
herockedit.Andhewasleaving.
“Wait.Please.”
“Sure.”Hewaited,threwmorebread.“Listening.Look.LikeIsaid.Ifyouneedhelp.
Icandoit.”
“Thisis…”Iwaggledmyhand,thenhalf-coveredoneeyewhileItriedtothink.
“Beyondyou.You’realibrarian.”
I’dsaidthateasily.CouldIsortofcirclethesubject,hintatthings?Butthenwhat?
CouldheshootReubenforme?Gotojail?Hah.No.Ididn’twanthimarrested,orbeaten
up,orkilled,ifhefailed.LikeImightbetoo,ifIeverconfrontedReubenwiththegun.
AndI’ddenyanywrongdoingsbyReubenandhismentothecops,iftheyaskedme
directly.Doomed.I’dbeReuben’sfucktoyuntilhecastmyaside.
“Shit,”Imuttered.
“ViolencewasallaroundmewhenIwasgrowingup,Zorie.Mybrother…didbad
stuff,hadsomeofithappentohim.Ifyou’reinahole,Iknowpeoplewhoknowpeople.”
Mouthagape,Ithoughtthatthrough.Grimmknewbadpeople?Andhe’dbeena
bouncer,whichledtonightclubs.Dependingonwhere,thatcouldmeanhe’dbeenaround
crime.OrsoIgathered.Whatwashetalkingabout?Drugdealers?Bikergangs?
Prostitution?
Maybehemeantheknewtheice-cream-vanman?Iwasoutofmydepthheretoo.
Awillywagtail,eyecocked,long-featheredtailtwitching,hoppedacrossthegrass
chasingworms.Theducksquacked.
Thedaywastoodamnbrightforthis.
Dideveryonearoundmehaveasordidpast?
Icurledforwardandburiedmyheadinmyhands.“Evenifyoucoulddosomething
about…whatever.I…can’ttalk.”
“Whatever?”Hemutteredsomethingelseandyankedupastalkofgrass,thentwirled
it,idly.“IthinkI’veestablishedthere’ssomething.You’rehere.Youwantmehere.ButI
needyoutotalk.Atleastyouaren’tsaying,I’mfine.”
“True.”IloweredmyhandstopeeroverthematGrimm.Yes.Iwasn’tsayingthat.I’d
edgedclosertotherealtopicthaneverbefore.
Skirtthetopic.How?
“Graffiti.Haiku.”
Hestaredatmedirectlynow,maybethinkingI’dlostit.Somuchforsecrecyand
pretendingtheyweren’ttalkingtoeachother.
“Onequestion.One,Grimm.”Itookmykeysfrommyshortspocketandbeganto
scratchatthepaintontheseatthensaidquietly,“I’venevervandalizedbefore.”
Afterafewsecondshelookedoutoverthesmalllakeagain.“Lostme.Idon’t
understand.Isthisastrategytodefeatyourlackoftalking?”
Toodirect.Mytonguetangled.
Goaround.
“Theskyisblue.Yes.”
“Whatthefuck?”Grimmmuttered.“Sothat’sayes.”
Astatement,that.Hewascatchingon.LuckyIhadalibrarianandsohe’dhopefully
readsomestrangebooks.
“Weneedadeadletterdrop.Invisibleink.Acodebook.”
“Not…Uh.”Iwantedtotellhimitwasn’tjusttheneedforsecrecystoppingme.
Resistancewasgrowinginmyhead.Imassagedmytemples.“No.Fuck.”
AllthemindwrestlingIwasdoing.Iwasstuck.TheworldsqueezedinwheneverI
triedtoelaborate.
“Graffiti,hey?Ihearconflict,stress,inwhatyou’resaying.Howyou’resayingit.I’m
probablynuts.But,hypnotism?Hassomeonemadeyouunabletotalk?”
Themanwasagoddamnedgenius.
Istared,feelingbug-eyed,andwonderedifIwasgoingblue.Withallthemessing
aboutIwasdoinginmyhead,Iwasn’tbreathing.
Answerhim!
Igaspedthendrewalong,zig-zaggyscratchwiththekeyontheseat.Breathe.
Lookingdownthroughthegapsatthegroundandsomemigratingantsletoxygenreturn
tomyblood.
“Provemeright.Graffiti?”He’dtornupanothergrassstalkandwasplayingsword
fightsorsomethingwiththemwhilepointedlynotlookingmyway.“Onequestion.I’llbe
backtomorrow,here,sametime.I’monholidaysuntiluniversitystarts.I’llmakeit
simple.Tellmethis.Yesorno.Doyouwantmetohelpyou?”
Thenherosetohisfeet,dustedoffthebackofhisjeans,andhestrodeaway,justin
timetoavoidusconfusinganoldmanonawalkercomingalongthepath.
Inoddedtothemanandwaitedforhimtostomponpast,beforeplacingthekey’stip
onthepaint.
AtfirstIwasfrozen.ThenIrememberedMisterBlack’slesson.Irememberedhowto
sidestep.Howtopushagainstthecompulsion.
Tookmehalfanhourofstoppingandstarting,butIcarvedoutabigY.
Ifhedidn’treturntoreadthat,I’dgivenmyselfaheadachefornobloodyreason.
WhenIopenedmycar,andslidintotheseat,IrealizedI’dbroughtthegunafterall.It
wasunderneaththemagazineonthepassengerseat.Totallyillegaltocarryoneaboutlike
that.
Thatwasn’twhatbotheredme.WhenhadIdecidedtobringit?Thisside-steppingin
mymindmightbecausingsideeffects.Orwasthereanotherreason?
Whatifnoneofthiswashappening,andIwassimplygoingmad?Isnorted.I
wrappedmyarmsaroundthesteeringwheel,andloweredmyheaduntilittouchedthe
leather.
Icontemplatedthetwigpieces,dirt,andgrassinthefootwell.Thefloorinhere
neededvacuuming.
“Well.Afterallthehorriblestuff,I’mdueforsomethingnice,likegoinginsane.”
Killingapersonwassaidtobehardtodo.Reubenthough?Ihadaworldofhateand
disguststoredupinthesewerpartofmymind.IfIdidn’thaveReuben’seyesonme,
watchingme,Imightdoit.Exceptthatwouldbemurder.Imaginingwaseasy.
I’dkilledbeforebutthathadbeenaccidental.Accidentalatfirst,anyway.He’dasked
forit.Deservedit.It’dbeennighttime.Seeinghimdeadafterwardhadwreckedme–the
policewalkingaround,lightsstrobingacrossthescene,withmeshiveringandclutching
theblanketsomeonehadgivenme.
Ipulledanuglyface.IfReubendidn’tsimplymakemeputdownthegun,ifImade
myselfdoit,whatweremychanceshe’dstandstill?He’dknow.MisterBlackhadseen
whenImeanttodothings.
WhenIfailed,he’dbeatme,orworse.Reubenwasn’tamantostopatmediocre.He’d
doworse.Much,muchworse.Myimaginationstuttered;myhandstightenedonthe
wheel.
Ugly,uglythoughts.Me,bludgeonedanddying,bloodspreading.
Maybehewouldn’tgothatfar.Maybe.
Fearwouldstopmefromshootinghim.
IfIcouldn’tdoit,couldGrimm,mylibrarianwhoknewbadpeople?Hewantedto
help.
Oh,thatwassuchasuckyidea–turninghimintoamurderer.
Wait…Iletmythoughtsplaywitheachother.
Wasthatwhyhedidn’twantanyoneknowingwe’dtalked?IfReubendied,wouldthe
policeeverconnectAtoB?Librariantolecturer?We’donlyhadonecafédate.
“Shit!No!”Ibangedmyhandsonthewheel.“WhatamIthinking?”
Istartedthecaranddroveoff,tryinghardnottothinkaboutanythingbadforawhile.
Failing,buttrying.
Chapter17
“Letyourplansbedarkandimpenetrableasnight,andwhenyoumove,falllikea
thunderbolt.”
-SunTzu,TheArtofWar
Zorie
Themorningstartedoffsurreal.HowdidIplanmyday,whenanyminuteamanmight
arriveandtellmetofollowandcomebehissexslave?
Therewasnoplan.Ijustliveditandsufferedthedreadcyclingthroughmyhead.I
mademyselfdo…stuff.
Grimmwantedtomeetmeatthesametime,sameplace?Ifilledthedaywith
houseworkthenthedrivetotheuniversitytotidyupnothingmuchworthwhile.Iswam
lapsintheuniversitypoolandfoundthegurgleofcoolwaterpastmyearsdidmorefor
methananythingelse.Underwater,nothingcouldtouchme.Itwasatypeofmeditation.
Istruggledwithideasofmurder.NowthatI’dbroachedthetopic,hadpointedthegun
atMisterBlack,andseenthepossibilities,Iwondered.
Theinternetwouldcontainawealthofinformationonmurderingsomeonewithout
trace.There’dbeenthatgruesomenewsstoryyearsagoaboutthelaboratoryresearcher
whomurderedanex-lover,orwasitarival,withsomechemicalnoonecoulddetect.
Whichledmetowonderhowthey’dfoundoutheorshehaddoneit.
IfItouchedacomputertolookupthosesortsofthings,I’dhavetobesosneaky.
Forensiclabscoulddothingstheinternetmightnotknowaboutandanyforensicclues,if
linkedtointernetsearchrecords,wouldpointstraightatme.
Ipaused,elbowonmydesk,peninmouth.
IftheyknewReubenwasfuckingme,andfuckingwithme,theywouldconcentrate
onme.Well,theywouldknow,wouldn’tthey?Myprintswouldbealloverhishouse.At
leastIdidn’thavetoworryaboutkillingMadocorDirke.OnceReubenwasgone,I’dbe
freeofhisinfluence.
Ibitdown,squashingtheplasticwithmyteeth,hearingthecrunchastheshaftsplit.
“Clearly,”Imurmuredaroundthepen.“I’mnolongernormal.”Tobeplanninga
murder,inmyoffice,inthemiddleofsummerholidays?
Ishouldbecrying,butitseemedmytearshaddriedup.
Havingsomeonetoleanon,figurativelyspeaking,helped.
Grimmwasatthepark.Ijoggedandsat.HenoddedasIdidso,andindicatedthe
placeontheseatwhereI’dscratchedtheY.
So,he’dseenit.
AyoungwomanwithtwotoddlerswaslettingthemplaynearbysoIpretendedto
catchmybreathandretiemyshoelaces.Icircledthelakeagain,watchedducksata
distance,watchedGrimmtoo.Theducksweregoingtogetfatwithallthebreadhewas
feedingthem.Finallythewomanleft,shooinghersquealingtoddlersupthegentleslope.
Themantalkedandtalkedandtriedtogetmetoelaborate,again,andfailed.The
frustrationmadehimswear.Icouldonlyfrownathimthroughthethrobofmyheadache.
“Sowritingworked?”hesaid,lookingawayandtalkingtonoone,ashestood
brushingthegrassandduckpoopoffhisshorts.“Writeitoutthen.Writemesomethingso
Iknowwhatthisisabout.”
Thenhewalkedaway.
Writeitout?Somuchfornotleavingevidence.MaybeIcouldwriteitinsomevague
way,asifitwasastory.
WhenItrieddoingthat,sittingatthekitchentable,nothingwouldgetpasttheblock.
MaybeIcouldn’twriteanythingatall.Try.Afteranhourofhairpullinganddrawing
doodlesofstickmenonthepaper,Ihurledthepenatthewall.Itbouncedintothesinkfull
ofdishwater,vanishingwithaplop.
Hecouldn’thelpmeifheknewnothing.
SleepwasfullofnightmaresandIwokered-eyedandfeelinguseless.Thenumbness
hadfaded.NowIwasscaredallthetime.
WouldthisbethedayReubenwantedme?
Atthepark,Iambledstraighttothebench,empty-handed.Grimmwasn’tthere.After
tenstrainedminutes,Isworeandstood,onlytoseehimwalkingacrossfromthecar
parkingarea.
Buggerjogging.Isatagainwithmyarmsfolded,scowling.WhenheapproachedI
voicedasimplenoandshookmyhead.
Forawhilehestoodthereinsilence,staringacrossthelake.Theduckshadfigured
thingsoutandwerecruisingover,makingripplingarrowsinthewater.“Nothing?”
“No.”
“Sorry,guys,Ididn’tbringfoodforyoutoday.”Thebrownducksquackedathim
anyway,andafewflappedupontothegrasstowaddleaboutquackingevenlouder.
Itmademesmile.“Lookonthebrightside,”Imurmured.“Thereareducksinthe
world.”
Grimmmusthaveheardme.Hetoosmiled.“Yeah.”
“I’msorry.”
“Mostpeoplewouldgiveup.Idon’tgiveup.Notwhenit’ssomeonespecial.”
“Thankyou.”Mysmileweakened.We’donlybeenononeaborteddatebutIwasn’t
abouttolookagifthorseinthemouthandkickitsballsin.
Wasthereanotherway?Smaller.Lessthreatening?Pushingthebarrieronlyalittle.
“Askmesomethingsmall.”
“Okay.”Grimmstareddownatoneoftheboldestducksthatwasalmostontopofhis
gymshoe.“Aname.Givemeone.”
Aname.Istaredoutward,thinkingaboutrandomthings–Christmasandhowmy
sisterhadn’tcometovisitduetoaBaliholiday.AbouthowIshouldgetintouchwith
Sandraandorganizeacoffeedate,aboutthemanwho…
“Reuben.”
I’ddoneit.Thathadspatout.Didn’tmeananythingparticular,ashe’dnotaskedfor
anynameinparticular.
“Reuben.I’mgoingtoguessthat’shim.Iwonderifyouhaveanyaddresses?Any
addresswilldo.”
Fuck.Iblinkedathisback.He’dfacedawayasifallhecaredaboutwastheview
acrossthelake.London,NewYork,anywherenicewoulddobuttherewasoneplace,one
address…
Itstuck.Mythroatrefusedtocoughitup.Thewordshadscrewedinlikehooks.An
achenudgedatmytemples.Isoftlypoundedthebenchbesidemewithmyfist.
Grimmwaitedandwaited.Theduckswanderedoff,ploppingbackintothewaterand
cruisingaway.Childrenscreechedwithjoyandcardoorsslammed.Thewindpickedup,
humminginmyears.
Henodded.“It’sfine.I’llbeback.Maybenottomorrowthough.Twodaystime.
Thinkaboutthis–whatdoyouwantmetodo?That’sourfinaldestinationevenifweget
thereintinyjumps.”Heturnedandwalkedacrossthesquishyedgeofthegrassnexttothe
water.
Whatdoyouwantmetodo?
“ThreetwothreeAberjuleClose!”Irushedthewordsoutandfeltdizzyimmediately.
Myfingerswereclawedintotheseatslats.
“Gotit.”Heheadedoff,whistling.“Seeyounexttime.We’regettingthere.”
Hadhegotit?Really?He’dprobablymisheardme.Whatdoyouwantmetodo?
Lots.Plantabomb.Tellthecops.Nukethedamnhouse.
Yeah.Noneofthatwasreality.Grimmwasn’tsomehotshotSASoperative.Thecops
hadnothingonReuben.Isuckedonmycheek.Noheadache.I’dstillwon,alittle.
Icoulddothis.Twovitalpiecesofinfo.Icouldabsolutelydothis.Weneededmore
time,onlythat.
ThecoffeedatewithSandra.Ishouldorganizeit.Theanswertoovercomingmy
problemwithtalkingwasbeingalittlerandomandnotthinkingaboutwhatwaswanted
fromme.Icouldpracticeonothers,perhaps,thoughtheymightthinkmemad.
Sandraansweredmytextandagreedtomeetmethefollowingdayatthelittlecaféwe
frequented–TheBlessedCup–attenAM.Thewomanwasalawyerandcameacrossas
abubbly,well-dressedsocialite,butwhenitcametoanythingimportantthatneeded
doing,shewashardasnails.IfonlyIcouldenlisther.Friendswhocouldhelp,Ineeded
themaximumnumberofthose,beforethissituationdrovememad.
AnothertextmessagecamethroughasIwasabouttoputawaymymobile.Aftera
shakybreath,Iopenedit,tryingnottoseethesender.
Seeyouintwodays,sweetheart.
Idouble-checked.ThescreenblurredandIfounditdifficulttotakeinthesender’s
name.MyhandshookandIhadtoblinkawaymoisture.“Readit,youcoward.”Reuben.
“Damn.Damnit.”Ifloppedbackmyhead.Theskywasaclear,palebluewhensurelyit
shouldbedarkandthunderywithravensflyingacross.
Whoeverorganizedtheheavenstodaywasslackingoff.
“Fuckeverything.”
WouldIseeGrimmbeforethen?Thiswastoosoon,toodamnsoon.
Thatnight,asIlaysleepless,Icountedtheflashesofcarheadlightssweepingacross
mywindow.Themessageonlymadememoredetermined.Iwasn’tavictim.MisterBlack
thoughtitwasokaytoletmewaituntilReubendiscardedme.AfterthatI’donlybe
anotherlittlevictim.His.
I’dthoughtaboutjustleaving.Leavingeverything.Goingsofarawayhewouldnever
findme.AndIcouldn’t.Evengettingasuitcasedowntopackithadmademestalldead.
“F.U.C.K,”Ispelledouttotheceiling,quietly,incaseIstirredsomenightdemons.I
hadenoughofthose.
Isatup,draggedthegunfrommybedsidedrawer,andstompeddownstairstomake
myselfamugofhotchocolate.Sittingatthetable,Iwatchedthefoamswirlonthe
surface.TheBerettalayonthetimberafewinchesbeyondthemug,allfatalistand
innocentwithtenbulletshidinginsideit.
Atearcurledovermycheek,thenanother.Atlast,Iwascryingagain.Therewas
reliefinbeingabletofeelproperly.
“Iamnotgoingtobeavictim.”
I’dkilledamanbefore,evenifitwaskindofbyproxy,usingacarhandbrake.Icould
killagain.
Doingnothing,waitingtobedraggedawaylikethenexttargetofanexecutioner,that
wasthepassive,thestandard,thepissylie-down-and-take-it-way.IfIhadtokillhim,I
would.I’drathergotojail.
Wasthattrue?Isuckedinaweepybreath,shutmyeyes,andpressedfingerand
thumbovermyeyeballs.Drastic.CouldIreallykillhim?Itwaslate,Iwastired.Iwas
probablygoingtohallucinateanysecond.
Whatashitty,fuck-everything,fuck-the-whole-worldmomentthiswas.I’dreached
theedgeofmytolerance.Yes,I’dkillifIhadto;I’dstepoffintospaceandtakewhatever
evilfelluponmeasaconsequenceofmyactions.
I’dinventmyownbloody,insane,andwickedway.
Thiswasoneacquiredwhowouldfightback.
Therulesofhumdrum,lawfullifecouldgooutthewindow.Whenthechancearrived,
Iwouldusethegun.Notif,when.
Iunloadedthegun.UntilfourAM,Ipracticedholdingupthepistolandimagining
Reuben’sfaceinthesightsthensqueezingthetrigger.Atfirstitwasnearlyimpossible,but
afteranhourorso,Ifeltachange.Theactionbecamenottoodifficult,theneasier,then
smoothasswallowingmeltedfudge.Iwasinwithachance…
Thesounds,asIslippedthemagazineintothegunthenseateditinplacewithmy
palm,wereveryfinal.Tenshinyrounds.
*****
AlatetextthenextmorningfromCherie,totalkpersonally,triggeredaweirdflip-flop
sensationinmyhead.Timewasoftheessence.IfIdelayedtalkingtoCherie,Imightbe
unabletohelpher.Givingheradviceseemedalmostamarkerofthebarrierbetweenmy
pastlifeandwhatevercataclysmlayahead.IaimedtokillReuben.Thatwouldhave
terriblerepercussions.
Itappedoutmyreply.
Meetmeatthecafé,BlessedCup.TenAM.
Whateveritwas,I’ddowhatIcouldforthegirl.Strangethatshe’dnotjustsetitout
inanemail.
Chapter18
Zorie
SandrawasatatablewhenIarrivedatTheBlessedCup,abriefcaseproppedbyher
chair,herauburnhairperfectlyheldinabun,andherreddesignerglassesaboldfashion
statementoverhereyes.
“Wherehaveyoubeen,Zorie?”Shescrapedbackherchairandhalf-climbedtoher
feettogivemeaquickhug.“Let’sgetyousomethingsweetandfattening.Allthat
swimmingismakingyoulookpositivelytoofit.”Shesqueezedmybiceps.“God,
muscles!I’llorderawholeselectionofgoodies,STAT.Latte?”
Thensheraisedoneeyebrowandsmirkedgleefully.
“Latte.”ItwasimpossiblenottofeelsomejoyaroundSandra.Shewasawelcome
doseofhappiness.“Whathaveyoubeenupto?”
Sheshrugged,makingherivoryblousebunchattheshoulders.“This.That.
Redecoratingthehouseintheexpectationofattractingamaleofthespecies.”Shepeered
overthetopofherspectaclesandwinked.“Nolucksofar.You?”
“Uhhh.”Downer.Mystomachlurched,everythinglurched.Ohyes,I’donlybeenoff
beingfuckedbyseveral“malesofthespecies.”ThebadonesSandrawouldfindasher
clients,ifshewerestillpracticingcriminallaw.
Nowwasthetimetousemynew-foundresistanceandedgeoutsomeclues.
Tellher.
“Ihad…I–”
“Spit.”Sandraleanedin,eyesbright.
Asbefore,mytongueandbrainjammed.Icouldn’tsayathing.Grimm?Couldn’tsay
weweretogethereither.Incaseoneofus…murdered.
Ohwhatatangledwebweweave.
Ipulledovermyglassoficywaterandpickedupthenapkin,thenpretendedtobe
fascinatedbysomethingacrosstheothersideofthebustlingcafé.
“Zorie?Areyouhidingsomehunkfromme?YouhadadatewithGrimm.Thegossip
hasbeengoingaround.Tell!”
ThatSandraknewalreadyfreedmesomewhat.
“Sorry?GrimmHeller?Noluckthere.Iknowyoudroolonhimeverytimeyousee
himatthelibrary,butitfellthrough.”Iwrinkledmynose.
Foraheartbeat,IthoughtSandramightpush.Luckily,sheonlysubsidedinherchair
andtsked.
Wellthen,scratchthatso-calledimprovedresistance.Itdidn’tmeanIcouldn’tshoot
him.Thatwasawholeotherballgame.
Thelattearrived,alongwithaplatterfulloftinydelicacies–minicheesecakesand
otherdesserts,beforeCheriecametoourtable.
Alean,dark-hairedyoungmanwasathershoulder,amanwithabackpack,aserious
demeanor,anddeepamusementlinesaroundhismouth,despitehisage.Asmileedged
ontohislipswheneverhelookedatCherie.
“Hello,Cherie.Youwantedtotalktome?”
Inherfaded,body-huggingjeansandsweet,manga-themedT-shirt,Cheriealmost
lookedtooyoungforaboyfriend.
“Yes,Idid.ThisisJacob.”Sheindicatedthemanbehindherandhesaidhi.“He’s
finishingamedicaldegreethisyear,but…”Sheglancedathimagainandgrinned.“We’ve
bothdecidedtodeferforayearandgooverseaswithMedecineSansFrontieres.”
“Oh.”Myeyebrowshadrisenhigh.Volunteeringforacharityoverseaswas
somethingIcouldeasilyimagineCheriedoing,butDoctorsWithoutFrontiers…“Don’t
theygotowarzones?”
“Notalways,MissBrown,”Jacobcutin,politely.“Iwouldn’ttakeCherieanywhere
likethatanyway.We’llbegoingtoLondonsoon,toseemyparentsfirst.Thenleaving
fromtherefor,wethinkatthemoment,Thailand.”
“Butneitherofyouaredoctors.”Icockedmyhead.
“We’llbedoingotherassistantwork.”
“Ahh.Isee.”
Wasmarriageontheirhorizon?Idearlyhopedso.Frommybriefassessment,he
seemedalovelymanandsuitedtoCherie.Forsomesillyreason,hisBritishaccentonly
madehimseemmoreofacatch.
“IhopeyoubothstaysafeandI’msurethepeopletherewillappreciateyour
sacrifice.”Alittlestiff,thatspeech.Iadded,noddingslightly,“Ireallydowishyouwell.
Theworldcandowithmorepeoplelikeyou.”
“Yes.”Cherietookhishand.“Thethingis,thisisquitelateandclosetouniversity
starting.DoyouthinkI’llbeokaydeferring?”
Sothiswasthereasonforwantingtotalkdirectly.
Ithoughtforasecond.“It’snotreallyuptometodecide,butIdon’tseeany
problems.Youmaylosesomefeesbutthat’sit.Icanputinagoodwordforyou
commencingagainnextyear.Isthatwhatyouneed?”
“Thatwouldbeexcellent.Veryhelpful.”Afterasecondofhesitation,Cherieleaned
forwardasiftohugandImetherhalfway,gavehershoulderasqueeze,andkissedher
cheek.
“I’llbeverysorrytonotseeyouthisyear.”Myfacesetinplaceasrealityslammedin.
Iwouldlikelybeinprison,ordead,orworse.
“I’llbeback.Thankyou,miss.”
“Mypleasure.Absolutely.”ThenIstood,teary-eyed,andgavethembothacursory
hug,totheirsurprise.“Takecareofher,Jacob.”
“Iwill.NowIknowwhyCheriewantedmetomeetyou.”
Sothatwaswhatthiswasabout.
TheglowfadedasIwatchedthegirlandherboyfriendweavearoundthetablesand
leave,hishandaroundherwaistnowandthen,asifsheneededsteeringaround
obstructions.Strangehowmuchthataffectedme.Theywerebeautifultogether.
Allthesignspointedtobadthingsinmyownfuture.
HowbadIwoulddiscoververysoon.Isighedandwipedundermyeyeswithmy
finger.
Thegunwasinmyhandbag,onthefloor,besidemyfoot.Ifbadthingscamein
threes,didgoodthings?Sandra,Cherie…whatnext?
“Wherewerewe?”IsatagainandturnedtothebemusedSandra.
“Stuffingourfaces?”
Mygigglewasforced.Threes.I’dforgottenaboutGrimm.Ihadmyquotaofgood.
“Youokay,Zorie?”
“Yeah,justfeelingalittleoverwhelmedforsomereason.”
“Iunderstand.Seeingthemtogetherlikethat,wonderful,yetyouwanttoholdthem
stillandmakethembesafe.”
“Yes.Yes,youdo.”
Onthewayhomeatextcame,andagain,andagain,whenIdidnothing.Afterpulling
over,Ireadthem.
Drivetomyhouse,now.Samemessage,threetimes.
Reubenwaswaitingforme.
Chapter19
Zorie
NearlymiddayandcarswereparkedupanddownthestreetnearReuben’sstonework-
and-white,moderntwo-and-a-bit-storymansion.AsIleftthecarandshutthedoorbehind
me,peoplewavedfromtherooftop,withflutesofwineinhand.Laughterfiltereddown.
Howmanypeoplewerehere?
Thethoughtofanyoneelseseeingmydegradationwashorrifying.Except,Iwasn’t
lettingthathappen,wasI?
TheheavinessofmyhandbagspokevolumesasInearedthefrontdoor.
Dirkeopeneditandstrippedmewithhiseyes,asperusual.“Intothestudy,tothe
right.Rememberit?”
Iswallowed.“Yes.”
“Takeoffallyourclothesandputonwhat’sthere,thengouptoReuben.Topstory,
abovethebirdcage.”
Atmyhesitationhegrinned.“Don’tworry.Someoneelsehasthatprivilegetoday.
Youcanwatchher.”Iturnedandhadtakentwostepswhenheadded,“Putyourhairin
pigtails!Orders!”
Hislaughfollowedmedownthehallway.ThestudywasemptyandIclosedthedoor
withmypalm,quietly,leaningagainstitasIcheckedoutwhatlayoverthechairandon
thelongglassdesk.Theoutfitwasskimpy,asI’dthoughtitmightbe–aleatherharness,a
leathercollarwithbluntchromedspikes.WhenIpaddedoverforacloserinspection,I
foundadogtagthatsaidslutattachedtothecollar.Plustherewasasee-through,pink,
baby-dolldress.
Afoot-squaremirrorproppedonthedeskletmeseemyapprehensiveexpression.
Takeoffallmyclothes.Thatwouldmeanmyunderwearaswellasmyskirtandtop.
“Damn.”Itoedoffmyshoesandeyeditallagain,nibblingmylip.Didthedressgo
onovertheharness?Itmust.
IfIdidn’twearthis,I’dnevergetnearhimwithoutDirkespottingmecomingoutof
thestudyinthewrongclothes.FrompastexperienceIknewhehadpermissionfrom
Reubentochastiseme.
Idonnedthecollarthentheleatherharness,withsomedifficulty,doingupbuckles
andcinchingthingssotheyfitted.Howquainttobepreparingmyselffordefilement.The
collarwentroundmyneckandtheharnessconnectedtoitbyclipsatthesideofthecollar.
Amirrorhelpedmefigureeverythingout.Strapscircledmywaistandmybreasts.Two
thinstrapsdelvedfromthewaistbetweenmythighsandupagaintothebackofthewaist
strap.Silverrings,hereandthere,wouldallowformetobeattachedtootherthings.
Thebabydolldress,whenslippedoverthetop,barelyconcealedanything.Allthe
leatherwasvisibleaswellasthestripofhaironmymoundandthedarkcirclesofmy
areolae.
Aswirloflustwashedacrossme,sounexpectedIstaggered,andmakingmeinstantly
wetandmynipplesjutout.Iclosedmyeyes,shivering.Reubenhaddetectedme.Hisuse
ofwillwasassubtleasaslapinthefacecomparedtoMisterBlack.IprayedReuben
wasn’tasperceptiveastheotherman.
Therewasnowaytoconcealthegun,unlessItookmyhandbag.IfDirkethoughtto
takeitfrommehewouldsurelynoticetheweight.IfthathappenedIwasdonefor.
Courage.Iremovedtheshoulderstraptomakethebaglessconspicuousandclutched
thetopofthebag.IfIkeptitatmysideandmyarmlong,itwouldlookcasual.Ineeded
togetclose.Themanmightbedrunkalready,orsomething.
“Let’sgo,”Iwhisperedtothemirror.
Myjourneyseemedsoobvious,andtheweaponinthebagsolikeasnakeinmyhand,
thatIwaitedfordiscoveryallthewayasImarchedalongthehalltothespiralstairs.UpI
walked,passingmenandwomen,mostofthemblatantintheirappreciationofmysee-
throughclothes.Laughs,murmuredsexualinsults,andgrowlsfollowedme.Twomen
corneredmeinanangleofthestairsjusttosmirkandliftthebaby-dolldresshighenough
toshowmypussy.
“Hey,”Ispat.“I’mReuben’s.”
“Weknow,slut.”Heflickedmydogtagbutbackedaway.Theskirtofthedress
floateddownagain.“Offyougo.We’llcomewatch,later,whilehehasyoufucked.”
TheirdarkglowerswereonmeasIturnedandbegantoclimbthestairsagain.
“Nicefuckingass,”oneofthemmurmured.“Allthebettertofittwococksatonce.”
“Orthree.”
Theirlaughtermademygripthehandbagtighter.
Everyonewasinonthis.Wheredidhegetthesepeople?Noneofthemweremesmers,
Iwassure.BeingReuben’sslutforen-massefuckingwasnothappeningtoday.
IfIpulledoutagun,they’dbewitnessesthough?IfIfailedandhedidsomethingto
me,acourtoflawwouldn’tlookkindlyonhisactionseither.
WhatwasIthinking?Iwasgoingtoshoothim,no,I’dkillhim.Fuckthe
consequences.
EachstepItook,asIrosetotheleveloftheroof,summonedominous,stomach-
clenchingmoments.Throughtheopen,Mediterranean-bluedoorsIcouldseehisback.He
leanedontheedgeofthebreast-heightwall,lookingdownatwhateverfestivitieswere
goingoninhisbirdcagegarden.Someonegettinggangbanged,Iguessedfromthehoots
ofguestsalsolookingdown,butfromtheoppositesideofthehouse.Totheleftalittle
bridgespannedfromthisrooftoptotheirs.Aprofusionofsmalltreesandlarge-leafed
plantsinpotsbrokeupthelinesofthewhitebuilding.
ItookitallinasIsteppedontothepavedroof.Shadygazebototheright,chairsfor
loungingin,chairsforsitting,acane-framedbluelounge,andalong,lowtablewithwine
bottlesandtraysofsnacks.Men?OnlyMadoc,overnearthefootbridgeandatruck-sized,
hulkofamanstandingshoulder-to-shoulderwithReuben.Noonelookedmyway.Iset
myface,slippedmyhandunderthecoolleatherflap,andseatedmyfingersandthumb
aroundthebutt,withmyforefingernestledonthetrigger.
IfIblewoffmyfoot,sobeit.ThedecockerontheBerettawasoff.Ionlyneededto
aim,andsqueeze,andputalltenshotsintoReuben’sback.
Thebreezewhispedmydressaboutmythighsandcurledbetweenmylegs,cooledthe
lightsweatonmybrow.
Myearsheardnothingbuttheshushofwindandlaughter.
Don’tgetclose.Youknow…
Iknew.
Feetapart,Ibegantodrawthegunfrommybag.Whenthegunwashalfway
emerged,hiswillsmackedintome.
Irockedinplace.
InthatinstantIrecognizedthebleakpalloffailurebutalsothatthemanbeside
Reubenwasamesmer.Astrongone.
“Youhaveaproblem?”thestrangerdrawledinaposhBritishaccentthatreminded
me,poignantly,ofCherie’sboyfriend,Jacob.Hedidn’tbothertolookawayfromthe
courtyardspectacle.
“No.”SlowlyReubenturned,lockedeyeswithmethenleanedbackandputhis
elbowsandforearmsonthestonetopbehindhim.
Helookedatease,whileIwasdesperatelyfrozenandawaitingArmageddon.My
heartbelatedlybegantorace,asiftryingtocatchupwithsomethingI’dlost.Myself…
“No.Ihavethisoneinhand.”
“Good.”
“Yes.”Reubensmiled.“Thiswasgoingtobeourdayofcelebration,Zorie.Don’tyou
knowwe’regettingmarriedsoon?Thisisourengagementparty,andhereyouarebeing
naughty.”
Chapter20
Zorie
Married?What?Hecouldn’tdothattome.
Insteadofdiscardingme,hewasgoingtobindmeevenclosertohim?
No!
ThemoreIstrivedtoresist,themorerigidmybodybecame.Sidestep.
Iexpectedhimtogetmetoputdownthegunbutheonlywhistledandbeckoned
Madocover.Hisfootstepsgrewlouderandhaltedsomewherebehindandtomyleft.
Sidestep.Itwastoolate.Whybother.Nevertheless,weepingsilently,Ithoughtof
howprettytheskywas,ofcartoons,ofthedragonflythathoveredbesideme.
Myforefingerached.
Mymusclesrefusedtoobey.Perhapsbecauseliftingoutagun,aiming,andpullinga
triggerwasacomplexoperation.Perhaps,simplybecausehehadme,hehadmecalibrated
somehow,downtomylastmolecule.AndIwaswaytooclose.
Givinginwasnotanoption.Istruggled,twistingmythoughtseverywhichway,until
myeyeballsseemedreadytopop.Doit.Resist.Hemustnotwin.
Butthenmyresistancestretchedandstretchedand…somethingsnappedinsideof
me.Itleftnobarrier,atall,betweenmeandhim.
“Staythere,whileIthink.Putthesafetyon.”Withmythumb,Ifumbledforthe
decockerthenshifteditovertothesafepositon.
Secondbysecond,theblueeyesofReubenbegantodissectme,breakingmedown
intolittlepieces.
Thegunseemedthere,inmyhand,andyetfaraway.Afteraminute,two,themetal
numbedmyfingers.Igasped,andeverybreathafterwardhadtobestrainedinandout
throughlungsthatbarelywantedtoexpand.I’dhadasthmaandthiswasasagonizing.
Ifhewantedtomarryme,hewouldn’tdoanythingterrible,wouldhe?Hecouldn’t
stopmebreathing?
Thepiecesofmeseemedtofloatslowly,everfurtherapart,untilIwasn’tcertainif
mybrainknewthewaytomyarmsormylegs.SoonI’dforgethowtotalk,howtowalk,
howtothink.
Everythinggrounddown.Toahalt.
Blackspecksrainedbeforemyeyesandmyheadexpanded.Iswayed,knees
weakening.
Atouchonmychinhadmejerkingmyheadup.“Don’tfaint.Remembertobreathe,
deargirl.”ItwasReuben,andhewascloseenoughtokissmyear,softly,andwhisperinto
it,“Howcanweallenjoythisifyou’renotfeelingitandknowingwhat’shappening?”
MymindclearedandIcouldthinkagain.
Icouldhearthefootfallsofmanypeoplecomingnearer,fromthedirectionofthe
footbridge.
Reubenbackedaway,hissmall,evilsmiletauntingme.
“Showoffthatfakegun,Zorie.”
Fake?Hewantedpeopletothinkitafake?
WhileIwassemiconscious,thebagmusthaveslidoffthegunandtothefloor,
becausemyhandbaglayatmyfeet.Thepistolwasbymyside,danglingfrommyhand.I
heldup,lettingthesunlightcaressthegunmetal.Iwasarobot,again.
Notalloftheparty-goershadarrived.Thereweresomestilloverontheotherrooftop,
butfourmenandawomanwerehere,aswellasMadoc,Reuben,andthestrangerwho
wasfascinatedbythelowercageactivities.Twoofthemenwerethosewho’dpassedme
onthestairs.Allofthemworewolf-likeexpressions,aswellasexpensive,carefully
selectedclothes,cologne,andhairstyles–wealthypeoplewithcushylives,nodoubt.Yet
heretheywere,waitingtoseewhatnastygamesReubenwoulddotome.Ifthey’dgrown
long,canineteethI’dnothavebeenshocked.
“Liftupyourdress,andshowthemyourpussy,prettywifetobe.”
Ishutmyeyes,butdidwhatheaskedmeto,withmylefthand,grabbingafistfulof
theclothandliftingittomywaist.Wheninstructed,Itookafewstepstowardthegazebo
andchairsthenturnedsotheycouldseemebetter.
Onlyonewomanhadcometowatchtheentertainment.Shewaswithherman,whose
waistsheclutched.Thoughhergleewasmoreobvious,Ididn’tdoubtthemenwere
anticipatingsomethingjuicyanderoticalso.
Reubencouldn’tjustmarrymewithoutnotice.Washeplanningsomeorgywherehe
didamockceremony?ThenIrealizedhowtwistedmylifehadbecome.I’dratherbe
fuckedinpublicthanthathetrulymarryme.Amockceremonyleftmehopeoffreedom,
oneday.
“MyZoriehasatasteforexhibitionism.She’sgoingtoputonashow.Madoc.”He
tossedsomemetalchaintotheman.“Chainhertotheloungethengethertositonyour
lapwhilesheshovesthatcannonupherselfandpullsthetriggerafewtimes.”
Thesafetywason.Nothingwillhappen.
Theglitterinhiseyeswasterrible.
Hejustwantedtomakemewonderhowfarhemightgo.
Fakegun?Ofcourse,thiswaswhyhe’dsaidthat.Usingarealgunwasillegaland
theywouldn’tallbehispuppets.
Icouldn’thelpyelpingasMadoctowedmebymyhairtothelounge.Heattachedthe
chainandranitfrommycollartothenearesttimberleg,thenmademesitonhim.
“Keepyourlegsopen.”Hegratedthatoutthenslappedmyinsidethighstomakeme
obey.Thenhewrappedhishandaroundbothmypigtails.“Now,doit.Letmehearyou
moanasyoufuckyourselfsilly.”
Mybreathingwascrazilytornbythen.Scaredwasn’tabigenoughword.
“Fuckyourself.”Reubenfoldedhisarms.Hiswordandwillwasallittook.
Withmyeyeswateringandtheskyabovewobbling,Ipulledupthedressandputthe
muzzleoftheguntomyentrance.Thoughthegunfelthuge,Iworkeditinsideaninch
beforethepainfromthemetalstretchingmytissuesmademewhineandstop.
Reubentsked.“Keepgoing.More.”
Theireyeswereonme,theirravenouseyes.
AtlastReubenrelented.Thefloodoflust,Iknewitwashisdoing,butIhalfshutmy
eyesandhumpedthegunwhileshovingitintomyself,theninsomemore.Thistimethe
smallpainsonlymademyeyesrollup.ImoanedasMadochadrequested,becauseI
couldn’tstopmyself,inbetweenmakingstrangelittlegrunts.
Itwasbig,itwasmetal,andthegun’sbarrelfitted,just.IfItwisteditandturneditat
thedifficultspots,Imademyselfwetter,lubricatingtheride.Ihitfulldepthwhenthe
triggerguardbumpedmylips,andstartedfuckingmyselfthoroughly,inthenout,thenin
again,whileexquisitesensationsblossomed.
I’dcomesoon.Thefuckingalonewoulddoit.Themetalwasgrindingonsomewhere
niceandReubenwasmerefeetaway.Thatalwaysworkedforme.Hispresence.
WhenIhitbottom,Iforcedtheguninanotherhalfinchandwrithedonit,making
weirdnoisesasIstifledmyneedforrelease.
“Nocoming,”Reubensnapped.
“Notyet.”Madocwrappedhisforearmaroundbeneathmybreastssomytitsbulged
underthepressureofleatherandarm.Thenhewrappedhishandovermyfaceand
draggedmyheadbackatanangleintohisshoulder.Thecheapbabydollmaterialrasped
overmyerectnipples.
“Fuckthat’sawesome.Seeingthatgoingupthere.He’sneverhadoneofyoudothis
before.”Madocchuckled.“Shoveitallthewayinagainthenpullthetrigger.”
Thatpenetratedmymaelstromthoughts.
“Doit,”Madoccommanded.
Thesafetywason.Myheartknockedatmychest,likeithadn’theardthefacts.
“You’reacrazybastard,Madoc.”Reubenhadarrived.Hesquattedandputhishand
overmygun-holdingone.IknewhimfromhisscenteventhoughMadocblindedmewith
hisfingerspressedonmyeyes.
Thesafetywason,wasn’tit?Ihadn’tbumpedit?
“Letmecheckthesafety.”Reuben’sfingerscaressedminewhereIreverse-gripped
thebutt.“Fuckme,it’son.”HisfingersmovedandIthoughtIheardaclick.“Nowit’s
off.”
Fearslitheredinwithicytentacles.Hewouldn’t…Istrainedtomoveaway,toletgo
ofthegun.Nothinghappened,exceptI’dbowedupmyabdomen,imbeddingthegun
barrelmorefirmly.
“No.No.”Mywhisperwascroakyandsoquietnoonecouldhaveheard.
“Youwantmore?”Reubensmotheredmysmallerhandinhisandsqueezedthegunin
farther.Iwasgoingtosplitopen.Thepainmademywhimperinstaccatobreaths.“Much
better.”
Hewasfuckingwithmyhead.Thesafetywouldbeon.Mustbe.
Justmessingwithme.
“Doit,”headded.“Comeforme.Fuckyourself,pullthattrigger,andcome.”
Madoc’spalmcoveredmymouthandnose.
“Please,”Ibeggedpasthishand,dragginginpaltryamountsofair,butReubenonly
plantedhishandovermymouthontopofMadoc’s.
NowIcouldn’tbreathe…
“Doit.”
…couldn’tbreatheatall.
Thespasmsofmypussyforcedthegunoutaninch.Ireadjustedmygrip.
Lost,frightened,yetaroused.
Reuben’stouchonmyfaceandthesoundofhismean-as-fuckvoicehadbroughtme
totheteeteringbrinkofclimax.Iarchedupontothegun.Itastedtheskinofoneofthe
men’shands.Hewouldn’tkillme.AsIshuntedtheguntomaximumdepth,mymouth
opened,andIpulledthetriggerwithmythumb.
Thehammersnappeddown.
It’dfired,butIwasalive.
“Come.”
Iexplodedintoorgasm.
Alive.
Mywallsspasmedpainfullyaroundthecaptivebarrel.MythighstightenedasI
buckedonthemetal,holdingtheguninthere,rammedin,becauseIneededitsomuch,
neededitimpalingme.Aviolentdepravedfuckyet,intheworstofways,afuckIwanted.
Iwasmakingmyselfhistoy,likeneverbefore,witheveryonewatchingmy
abasement.
Myecstaticnoisesweremostlysilencedbythemen’shandsonmyface.
Theyletmego.Theytooktheirhandsaway.
Chestheaving,Islidsideways,untilstoppedbyMadoc’sarm.
Thegunfired.Itfired.He’dremovedthebullets.When?Muddled,Icouldn’tfigureit.
Lyingthereinhislap,recovering,withmyeyesstillshut,Iexpectedthemtoflipme
overandfuckmenext,ortogettheothermentodoso.
Instead,Reubenonlylaughed.
“YoucanstaytherewiththatinyouuntilIsayyoucantakeitout.Noneofyoutouch
her,”headdedwhenherosetohisfeet.“Look,butdon’ttouch.”
Theyleftmethen,sittingonthefloorbutchainedtothelounge,withtheguninside
me.Icouldfeelmywetnessundermyass,coolingthetiles.
“Whatanobedientlittlebitchsheis.”Thewomansoundedamused.
Iprayednothinginsidemewouldtear,whenheletmepullitout.
Atleasthehadn’tbeatenme.Iwrappedmyarmaroundthelegoftheloungeand
sniffled.I’dbeensosureReubenwoulddothatifhecaughtme.I’dgottenoffeasy.
Everysooften,thegunslippedoutalittle,beingpushedbymypussy’snatural
rhythms.IfIleftitalone,it’dfallout.Beforethatcouldhappen,Reubenreturnedand
mademeopenmylegssohecouldinspectme.
“Ifthatcomesout,I’lldowhatIwasn’tgoingtoandletthemallhaveyou.Keepitin
thereuntilIsay.”
Afteroneshakyinhale,Ireacheddown,andpushedthegunbackinside.Iwrapped
mythighsoverit,tobesure.
“Good.Inaweek,wecangetmarried.Twoweekssinceyousignedthedeclarationof
intenttomarry.”
“What?Inever–”
“Youdid.LasttimeIhadyou.Forgotten?LuckilyIhaveagoodmemory.I’mgoing
tokeepyouuntilthedayyoudie.You’resogoodatdoingwhatyou’retoldto.Aren’t
you?”
Inodded.Iwas.
Thenheslappedmyassandwalkedawaytopartysomemore.
ThatwaswhenInoticedthepileofgleamingbulletsinthecognacglassleftstanding
onthetiles.
Chapter21
Zorie
Fortherestoftheday,tomyrelief,Iwasleftalone,apartfromthestaresandlaughter.
Afterward,Iwastoldtogotooneoftheemptybedroomsonthesecondfloor,alone.
Disobeyingwasunthinkablebythen.Exhaustedandsunburned,Iwentthere.Ishowered
inthelittleen-suitebathroom,andIdressedintheonlyclothesIhad–thelittlebarely
theredress.ThenIlaydown,andfoundmyselfshiveringasifinshock.
Noonehadtakenphotos,hadthey?IfanyofthisgotoutI’dbesacked.University
lecturerswereexpectedtobehavewithdecorum.
Atreebranchfilledwithyellow-white,fluffyblossomsdistractedme.Tap-tappingin
asubtlebreezeagainstthewindowglass.Itwascoolinhere.Thesheetswerefresh.The
wallsweredecoratedwithdiscreeteroticscenesinredandblack.Myeyelidsdrifted
lower.
Decorum.Shovingagunupmyvaginaandorgasmingbeforeacrowdwasnotthat.
Rockedbythesoundofthetreesoutside,Isankintosleep.
Reubenkeptmetherefordays,neverseeingmeatall.OnlyMadoccameinwith
food.Itwasablessing.Beingignoredletmegathermythoughtsandreason.
Ifhemarriedme,Icouldn’tstophim,couldI?No.
Damnthat.
WereGrimmorMisterBlackawareofwhereIwasbeingkept?Ifso,whatwerethey
doing?
MisterBwouldbedoingnothing.He’dsaidasmuch.
Grimmthough?He’dnotbreakinheretofreeme.Themanwasn’tonthewrongside
ofthelaw,ornotyet.He’dseemedalmostwillingtodobadthingstogetmefreeof
Reuben.Healsowantedtokeephisinvolvementsecret.
Theflashbacksofwhathadhappenedontherooftopcameattheoddesttimes.The
usualcushioningofmyemotionsseemedlessthanbefore.I…feltthebadthingsI’ddone
andtheyshriveledmysoul,moreandmoreeachday.
HowcouldIhave?
Iwasmadeto.Itwasn’tme.Myheartached,constantly.Iwasmadeto.Wheneverthe
memoriesofwhatI’ddonereturned,Icurledupinaball,withmyhandsclutchingmy
head,untilitwentaway.I’dbetrayedmyself.
Iwasallowedmymobilephone,onceaday,toanswercalls,andeventospeakto
others.ThetemptationtocontactGrimmwasalwaystherebut,withMadochovering,I
couldn’tbegintotry.NotthatIwascertainIcoulddoitanyway.Reubenhadbrokenme,
morethanalittle,thatdayontherooftop.
Ishouldpracticeresisting.
Ishould.
Therewasnothingtodoexceptthink,andstareatthewall,oroutthewindow.
OnthethirddayIgaveintothedemoninsidemethathadbeendailyuppingtheante
onthescreamsofdosomething.
Iwouldtry,again,butnomoreguns.Nexttimehemightleavethebulletsin.I
might’vekilledmyself,andwhoonthatrooftopwould’veblamedanyonebutme?
Withoutwritingmaterials,Icouldonlypracticewritingwithwateronthewindowsill.
Afterseveralabortedattempts,Ibegan.Imanagedtowritewhatmightbeawholeopuson
theevilnessofReuben.ItevaporatedandblurredandswamintopuddlesasIwrotewith
mywetfinger.
WhenIwasdone,Icouldn’tevenconvincemyselfthatitmeantanything.Writingin
water?Mybrainknewitwasdumbashell.Bloodwouldshowmore.Iwasn’treadyfor
that,cuttingmyselfjusttogetink.
Onthefourthday,Dirkecametomewithasmallwhitedress–aflirtatious,backless
onewithatiny,chiffon,satin,andlaceskirtthatwouldjustbrushmyknees.
“Yourweddingdress.”Hedroppeditonthebed.“Putitonandbereadyinten
minutes.”
Thiswastobearealwedding?Istaredatthecutelittlefrothydress.
Theydrovetoasmallnearbyparkwithafountainandalineofmonstroustreesthat
dwarfedthepicnictables.BreathlessandfeelingasifIstoodattheedgeofsomecliffwith
anamelessdroptoinfinityjustonestepfrommytoes,Iwaited.
Reubentookmyhandandsmiledatalltherighttimes,saidalltherightwordswhen
themarriagecelebrantwantedhimto.Ihadtobeprompted.
“Tohaveandtohold…”
“Forbetterorforworse…”
“Ido,”camefromathroatthatwasn’tmine,andyetIsaidit.Thewordswereblack
confettiflungonthewind.
Theringfittedmyfinger,perfectly.Lovewasengravedonthebandinswirlywriting.
Isignedthedocumentshowntome,rightwhereReubenputhisfinger.
Reubenkissedmeandtherewerephotosdonebyaprofessionalphotographerwho
hadusstandthiswayandthatbeforeshakingourhandsandwanderingofftohisvehicle.
Itwasover.Ilookedatthechildrenplayingnearbyandatthecelebrantashewalked
away,leavingmewithhim.
Reubentightenedhisholdonmyentwinedfingersuntilithurt.
“Come,sweetbride,wehavealifetimetolivetogether.”
Fuckyouwasallthatranaroundinmyhead,allthewayback.Thesmallestofsmall
rebellionsbutIkeptitgoing.ItwasallIhad.
Oncebackatthehouse,Isignedmorepapers,suretheyheldsomedreadful
informationbutunabletoreadthem.
Atmidnight,twodayslater,Reubenhadmebroughttohim.Hewouldsetmefreein
thestreets,nakedexceptformyunderwearandwithmycarkeysinhand.
“It’sahalfmileawaythroughthestreets.”Madocshowedmeonamap.
Already,Icouldtell.Icouldseethroughthis.Reubenwouldneverdothis.Notsimply
free.Themanwouldwanthispieceofflesh,ofblood.
Iaskedaquestion,nottobeg,no.Iwantedtodelaywhateverwascoming.
“Why?Youmarriedme.”
“Foryourmoney,dearslut.Onlythat.You’retoounpredictableformeandI’mtired
ofyou.Onelastthingbeforeyougo.Kneel.”
IkneeledonthehallwayrugandblinkedupathimandthegrinningMadocand
Dirke.TheystoodbehindReubenandseemedsureofwhatwouldcomenext.Dirkemade
amockgunwithfingerandthumb,pointeditatmeandpretendedtoshoot.Bang,he
mouthed.
BythenIwassweatingdespitetheair-conditionedhouse.
“Listencarefully,Zorie.”Reubenbentandtookmychininhishand.“You’revery,
verysad.Youwanttodie.Hearme?”
Aknifeslicedthroughmyheartathiswords.
MyearssangbutInodded.
“Thengodoit.Thinksadthoughts.You’reworthnothing.Yourlifeishopeless.Go
awayandtomorroworthenextday,killyourselfsomewherepublic.Okay?”
Inoddedagain.
“Go.”
ThenIstoodandIwalkedoutthefrontdoorintotheblacknight.Mylegswobbled
but…myheartstillbeat.
Ishutmyeyes,standingonthecoldgrassofhisfrontyardinwhitebraandpanties.
Cricketsgreetedme.Thekeystinkledinmyhand.
Don’tdothis,saidmyinnerdemon.Fuckingdon’t.Helies.Helies.Youknowhedoes.
Hedid.YetIknewdisobeyingwasimpossible.
Walkingallthewaytomycar,I’dbeluckynottogetassaultedandraped.
Chapter22
“Themoonisdark,andthegodsdanceinthenight.”-H.PLovecraft
Zorie
Thewalkhadtornupmybarefeetalittle.Inthisaffluentneighborhood,thelawnswere
spongygrass,buttheroadsI’dcrossedhadbeensprinkledwithgravel.Ononecrossing,
I’dsteppedonfragmentsofglass.Pickingthepiecesouthadwokenmefromthehazy
stateReubenhadcreated.Perhapsstayinginshadowshadhelpedmeavoidtroublebutit
wasmorelikelythatthepeopleherewereallsnuginbed,orwatchingtheirTVs,oroutat
partiesdrinkingice-coldChardonnay,ratherthancruisingthestreetslookingforstray,
half-nakedchicks.
They’dleftmyMazdaunderastreetlightinthecarparkingareaofasmallshopping
center.
Thoughtheshopswereshut,thelightshoneonmeasIsprintedandhoppedthelast
fiftyyards.
Iunlockedthecarandslidinside,relieved,sore,andwithReuben’sdeathwish
soakingmymind.
“Ohmigod.”
Exhausted,Ilayacrossthetwoseatsandthemiddleparkingbrake,acceptingbeing
pokedintheribsinreturnforthereliefofknowingIwasaliveandintact.
Butforhowlong?There’dbeenabsolutecertaintyinhowReubenhadhandledthis,as
ifheknewIwouldjustgokillmyself….
Istaredacrosstheedgeoftheseatcoverintothedarknessofthefoot-well.Apale
somethinglaythere.AdressI’doncewornathishouse.
Athoughtblossomed.Hislastwife.He’dinheritedafortunefromher.
“Ohfuck,”Iwhispered.
He’dmadehislastwifedothis.
He’dnotbeencaught.Itwouldbeunprovable,thoughpeople,oreventhepolice,
mightthinkitsuspiciousifItoosuicided.Woulditmattertome?Fuckno.I’dbedead.
Iturnedovertolookoutthroughmydustywindscreenatthenightskyandatthefaint
starsshowingbeyondthestreetlight.Bugscircledinthehalooflight.
Andyet,Iwasstillthinkingstraight.WhenI’dbeenkneelingbeforeReubenhis
wordshadbeenlikethepronunciationofdoom.Withdistancefromhim,theeffecthad
lessened.I’dbeatthis.Iwould.
Thedress.Thinkingthey’dleftittheresoIcouldcovermyself,Ipickeditup,onlyto
discoverthegunhiddenunderitsfolds.
Ofcourse.HiswordshadjumbledinmyheadbutI’dneverforgetthemeaning.
Killyourself.Inpublic.Oneortwodays’time.
He’dbesoamusedifIusedthisgun.Fromthestickinessonthemetal,theynot
cleanedit.
ThecarstartedsmoothlythoughIwincedwhenIpressedthebrakepedal.AfterI’d
drivenforafewminutes,thestingandtheslightslipperinessofthepedalmademethink
thecutwasbleedingagain.Justmylucktohaveanaccidentonthewayhome.SoIdrove
carefully.
Afterall,hedidn’twantmedead,yet.
Atatrafficlightstop,Igrippedthewheelandshookmyheadmadlylikesomepuppet
oncrack.Myhairwhippedaroundmyhead.WhenhadIlasthaditcut?WouldIneedto
anyway?Inafewdays,I’dnotbe–
Itooksomedeepbreathswhileswearingatthewheel.
Fuckthatshit.Youbastard,Reuben.
“Bastard,bastard,bastard.”I’dbeatthis.
Someonebeepedme,toremindmethelighthadchanged,andIaccelerated.
Therewasnosleeptobehadthatnight.Iwalkedfromroomtoroominstead,
adjustingornamentsandpaintings,leavingsmudgesofblooduntilIrememberedwhereI
keptplasters.Isatonlytojerkawaketofullawarenesswithsomethingoddcradledonmy
lap.Avaseofflowers,once.Astuffedbearmymotherhadgivenme,anothertime.And
anothertime,itwasthegun.
Theneedtodosomethingviolentateatme,untilIfoundmyselfstaringatthetinesof
theforkwhileIatelunch.
Stabbedtodeathbymyownfork.Whatanovelwaytocommitseppuku.Wide-eyed,
Iblinkedattheforkwhilechewing,beforeswallowingthepieceofvegetablegyozaI’d
boughtatthelittleJapaneserestaurant.Anexpensivelunchbutmoneyseemedabit
pointlessatthismomentintime.
Whenlucid,Iknewthiswasallhisdoing.Whennot,thedepression,theneedtoendit
all,builtuntilitwasadamcrestingthetopofitswall.Soon,itwouldburst.Isawmyself
tumblingundertheroaringwaves,fallingthroughwater,onlydownthereitwassilent,
swirlsandbubblesanddebrisfloatingpast,whileIgapedforbreath.Untilatlast,Itoo
wassilent.
TheroomjarredintoexistenceandIgasped.
Whatwasthetime?Onethirtyintheafternoon,accordingtomywatch.
Icouldn’tevenlastadaywithoutgoingbatshitbananas?Weak.
Wait.Thedatewasthedayafterwhatitshould’vebeen.
Anothernighthadpassed?
HadIeaten?Slept?Icouldn’tremember.CouldIkillmyselfandnotnoticeuntila
millisecondbefore?
Thatlastwasadevastatingidea.ImightdieandnotknowuntilIwasbleedingout,or
falling,orifIatepills,I’dsimplyfadeawayintonothing.
Tobeburied,sixfeetunder,coldanddeadandsightless.Mylifestolen.Theman
wouldwin.
Fuckno.
“No!”Ikickedatthetable,bangingmytoesintotimber,rockingthetable,and
screechingwhenpainarrived.
Clutchingmythrobbingfoot,Imadeavow.
Reubenwasnotwinning.IfIcouldlasttheday,thatwasall,maybeI’dbeokay?
Maybe.
Violencerattledaroundandaroundinmythoughts.
Thegunlayonthelittletable,beckoningme.
IfIwasoutthereamongpeople,maybeI’dnotgoallspacedout?Checkingmyself
intosomesortofpsychiatricwardmightbemoresensiblebutI’dbeeninoneonce,
visiting.I’dpossiblygocrazierinthere.
Maybelettingitallout,shootingatsometargets,destroyingsomething,wouldhelp?
Iphonedthepistolrangeandgotanopentimeslotthatafternoonthensatdownand
cleanedthegun,verycarefully.Thebadmemories,fromthelasttimeI’dhandledit,I
pushedaside.
Anothertimeforthatstuff.AtimewhenIcouldhireatherapistandworkthroughall
this,atleisure.
Now,thingswereurgent.
Onemoreday.
Thiswasatest.Ineededatest.Arigorous,fail-and-dietest.
IfIcouldsurvivethisandnotshootmyselfI’dbefine…
ThistimeIdiditrightandpackedthegunintotheportablegunsafetotransportitto
therange.Onlyafewpeoplewereabout.Itwasaworkdayandmostofthewomen,who
weren’tworkingandwhocouldaffordtoshoot,wouldbepickingupkiddiesfromdaycare
ordoingothermotherlythings.
Almostalone.Iscannedtoeitherside.Anelderlymantomyright,andtwomuscled
gung-hoT-shirtandtattoosmentotheleft.Noonepaidmemuchattentionexceptto
maybeadmiremyasswhenIstoopedtopickupadroppedcard.Theearprotectors
renderedtheenvironmentamuffledone,interspersedwiththeintermittentbangsofthe
handguns.
Ishotfourfullmagazines,blewalotofholesinpaper,andfeltonehundredpercent
better.
Control.Mysmilewasprobablyobvioustoeveryoneformiles.I’dhandledthat.No
hazingout.Nothing.
Now.Takeitstepbystep.Makesurethegunwasunloaded,cleanitalittle,asnobody
waswaitingonmyspot,putitaway.Lockthesafe.Gotothecar.
Thedrivehomewasthefirstcarefreemomentfordaysanddays.Justoneproblem
occurredtome–whatwouldReubenthinkwhenhefoundoutIwasn’tdead?
Oneproblemandtheremustbeawayaroundit.
One…
ThenIwokeintheshadeofthefigtreeinmyfavoritepark,withthegunbarrelinmy
mouth.
Mylipswereaching,asifI’dbeensuckingongunforquiteawhile.
IttookafewsecondsbeforeIcouldfigureoutwhichfingersandmusclesletme
removethegun.Theywereallmixedupandnumb.ItwasentirelypossibleImight’ve
pulledthetriggerwhenIthoughtIwasdoingsomethingelse.
Alittlesix-orseven-year-oldboystoodonthesidewalkbesidemywindow,thumbin
mouthandballathisfeet,lookinginatme.
Ismiled,tryingtopretendastringofdroolwasn’tgoingfrommyliptothegunIwas
lowering.Orthatmyentirebodywasn’ttrembling.No,shaking.Mykneeswereswaying
fromtheshake,thenmyteethstartedtochatter.Thegun…it…Idroppedittothe
passengerseat.Thebuttbouncedofftheparkingbrake.Myjudgmentwasoutatad.
Fuck.
Thesafetywasoff,thereddotshowing.
Carefully,IreachedoveranduncockedtheBeretta,madethatreddotgoaway.
Help,Ineededhelp.
Iexitedthecarandmanagedtolockthevehicle,beforeIwenttomykneesand
vomitedonthegrass.Istaggereddowntomyusualbenchseat.Theboy’smotherwas
yellingbehindmeandcallinghimaway.LeastI’dlefttheguninthecar.
Grimmwasawashout.Icouldseehewasn’there,andwhyshouldhebe?It’dbeen
days.
Besides,whatdidheknowaboutthisquagmirethroughwhichIwaswading?Imight
aswellcallintheEasterBunny.
TherewasonlyonemanIcouldthinkofwithanyexpertise,andhewastheenemy
too.
Iwenttothedrinkingfountaintorinsemymouthandface,thensatdownandcranked
backmynecktolookatthewispyclouds.
Duckswerearrivingaroundmyfeet,quacking.
“Sorryguys.Nofood.”
MisterBlack.Hadtobehim.OnlyhowdidIfindhim?AndcouldIdoitbeforeI
toppedmyself?
*****
TheroomattheHiltonwastheonlyplaceIknewwherehe’deverexisted.Ihadno
addresses,nophonenumber,andnorealname.Askingatthereceptiondeskseemedabad
idea.
Ridingupinthelift,Ihadtimetothinkaboutbackingout,butasplitinmylipfrom
wherethemuzzlehadhurtmeandthememoryofvomitingwhileawide-eyedlittleboy
watchedme,convincedmeotherwise.
Whatifhewasn’tevenhereanymore?I’dnotaskedforamessagetobesent.ForallI
knewhewaslonggone.
ButIknockedonthegraydooranyway,andIstoodtherefidgeting,thinkinggood
thoughtsasmuchasIcould,holdingmyhandsinfrontofmesotheydidn’tshake,much.
Washehere?
Icouldfeelnothingofhispresence.
Ifhewasn’t,whatwouldIdo?
WhatwouldIdo?Theplaceseemedempty.
Nobodybutacleaninglady,downtheotherendofthehallway.
Mymindbegantowander.Myfeetwerewaydownthere,onthefloor.Istudiedthe
gymshoesI’dshovedmyfeetintonotlongago,acenturyago,today,thenIturnedand
walkedaway.
Didthewindows,thishighup,open?
Chapter23
MisterBlack
“Zorie!Stop.”
Thewomanhaltedandturnedaround.
I’dbeentellingmyselffordays,thatIhadnoreasontostillbeatthishotel.I’d
returnedtotheU.K.butkepttheroomsimplybecauseIfeltIshould.Afterworkingoff
andonatthepractice,andwonderingconstantlywhatZoriewasdoing,I’dreturned.I’d
saidIwasdonewithZorie,untilReubendiscardedher,yethereIwas.NowIknewwhy.
Hope.
Shewasmorethanarandomacquiredwoman.Exactlywhatshewas,Iwasn’tcertain.
Ifitwerejustherabilitytoresistmesmersattractingme,Imightbebackingthewrong
horse.
Rightnowshelookedlikeabedraggledmouse.Acute,bedraggledmouse.Iwantedto
feedhersomecheese,gethercoatallshinyagain,andthen…doanimalthingstoher.
I’dseenmultiplesurveillanceofZorie,videos,hundredsofphotos,yetneverseenher
thisdisheveled.Herredhairwaspartlyupinabun.Mostlyithunginstrandsoverher
face,stickingtoherlipsandaroundhereyes.Withhermouthslack,shelookedout
throughthecurtainofhair.Bigeyes,blinking.Smudgesofsomethingblackstainedone
cheekbone.Shebarelyfocusedonme.Herclotheswereamish-mashofivoryminiskirt-
lengthdress,blacktights,andasingleblackglove.
Onherfeet?Ifrowned.Purplegymshoesandonepinksock.
“Youlooklike–”
“Shit?”Shesmirked.
“Come.”Isteppedforwardandtookherbytheelbowtosteerherthroughthedoor.“I
needtosaveyoubeforethefashionpolicefindyou.”
“Fuckthefashionpolice,”shemumbled.
Thedoorclickedshut.
Hermindwasasmuchamessasherclothes.Overlayingtheconfusionwasablanket
ofdepressionsothickitmademesadjusttouchingitmomentarily.Sheevensmelledof
vomit.
Howhadshemanagedtogetpastsecurity?
“Where?”shestaredatme,puzzled.
“Shower.Rightnow.It’sanemergency.”
“Thebestsort.”Clarityreturnedtohergazeatthesametimeashermindseemedto
clear.“Damn,youarehere?”
“Iam.Waitingforyou.”
“Oh.”
“Theseclothesarecomingoff.”
Sheshookherheadquickly.“Nosex.”
“Nosexbutyestoclothes.”Ineededtofindoutwhathadbroughtonthisstate.
We’dreachedthepetitebutluxuriousbathroomandIbegantostripoffherclothes.
Thedresscameofffirst.Thatshebarelyprotestedworriedme.
“Sitdown.”Ipushedhersoshesatinthetimberchair.
“Sorry.”Zoriewrinkledhernose.“DoIsmell?”
Hermortifiedexpressionmademesmile.“Yes.”
“Sorry.Iwassickearlier.Ialmostdidsomethingbad.”Herglancewasfullofsorrow.
“It’sokay.”
Iwenttomykneesandefficientlypulledoffhershoesandonesock.Everything
couldgointothebininhere.Iballedthemupandtossedthem.ThoughZoriefrowned,
shesaidnothing.
“Stand.”
Thetightsandpantiescameoffnext,inoneswoop.Sheswayedonherfeetasthose
werethreadedoffherfeet,soIsteadiedherwithahandonherbareass.
Forthefirsttimesheshowedawarenessofhowsexuallychargedthismightbecome.
Herfaceshiftedfromannoyedtobemused,andIcockedaneyebrowasIstood.
Cladonlyinbraandnothingelseexceptforthatblackglove,inspiteofeverything
else,shewas…
“Whatareyoustaringat,MisterBlack?”
“You.Turnaround.”
“Why?”Sheswallowed.
Atleastshewasonehundredpercentfocusedonwhatwashappeningtoher.
“SoIcanundoyourbraandtakeitoffyou.You’regoinginthere.”Ipokedafinger
towardthetub.
“Iguess…”Afteratwistofherbrow,Zorieturnedandletmeundotheclaspthenslip
thebradownherarms.
Ireachedaroundhertotwistonthetap,settingitonthemiddletemperature.AsIrose
tomyfeet,myarmbrushedherbreast.Withoutpreamble,withmythumbsmoothing
acrosshershoulder,Iwatchedhernippleharden.
Herbreathingdeepenedandshedidn’tmoveaway.
“I’mgoingtogiveyouabath,maybeashowertoo.Youneedboth.”
“Heyyy.Insults,andIcandoitmyself.”
“True,butyoucamehereformyhelp.Thisismyprice.Oneofthem.”Isoftenedthat
withasmile.“AndwhileIdothat,you’regoingtotellmewhathashappenedtogetyou
intothisstate.”
Hershouldersraisedandlowered.“Idid.Idoneedhelp.Youfiguredthatout?”
HowcouldInot?
Thewaterylookinhereyesmovedme.Yet…WhatwasIdoing?Gettingthis
attachedtoagirlIneededtousetokillbadmenwasinsane.
“Itwasobvious.”EspeciallywhenawomanI’dtoldIwasdonewitharrivedlooking
likeshe’dbeenunderatruck,oraMardiGrasstampede.
“Thank…you.”Hersimple,choked-upwordstuggedatmyheartandIhadn’teven
beensureIstillhadone.“I’dbeinyourdebt.”
Ineededtoremembermyreasonforbeinghere,forfindingher.
“Yes,youwould.”Lightly,Iranhisfingerunderherchin.Thehitchinherbreathand
electricitybetweenuswasplainenoughthatIwassurprisedthereweren’tsparks.
“Ididn’tmeansexual…”
AgainIlookeddownatherandstudiedherbody.Howimpossible.“Yetyourbreasts
alonewouldleadmetopoeticraptures.”
Sherolledhereyes,thoughIcouldtellthecommenthadpleasedher.
“First,I’mgettingyoucleanandhappy.”Withmyhandsatherhips,Imadeher
revolvetofacethehalf-filledtub.Feelingherskinundermyhandwasglorious,slapping
theundersideofherasscheek,evenmoreso.“Omorfi.Getin.”
“Happy?Idon’tknowifIcandohappyanymore.”Zorietestedthewatertemperature
thensteppedintothetub.“Omorfi?”
“Beautiful.Meansyouhaveabeautiful,bouncyass.”
“Sure,”shesaid,scorndrippingfromtheword.“You’reItalian?Greek?”
“Oneofthose.”
HersmilewasthefirstI’dseensofaranditbrokeasecondlater,whenastark,scared
lookcameoverher.
Shestaredintospace.“Icanwashmyself.Youshouldgonow.”
Theshouldchilledme.“No.I’mstaying.”Ipulledoffmyshirtthenmypantsand
underwear.Thatshebarelynoticedonlyfirmedmydecision.NotthatIwould’vestayed
awayifshe’dbeenperfectlynormal.
Iedgedinbehindher,thewatersloshingasIsat.Thetubwasmorethanbigenough
forbothofus.WhathadReubendonetohermind?Igathereduphandfulsofher
magnificentredhair,squirtedadollopofshampooontoitthenlatheredupfoam.
Despitehermentalstatecomingandgoing,mycockwasgettingideas.First,make
hernormalagain.Iwasnocaveman…Overhershoulder,Iglimpsedherwetandshiny
breasts.
Begood.
Usingthesprayfromthedetachableshowerhead,Irinsedoffherhair,massagingto
gettheshampooout.Bytheend,she’dsnuggledbackagainstmychest.
“Thankyou.Ifeelbetter.I’mnotfixed,butbetter.”
“Iknow.”Withmyfingers,Istirredherhairwhereitclungtohershoulder.
“Therearethingsinmyhead.Youneedtodosomeofyourtricksonme,”shesaid,
sadly.
“Tricks?”
“Yes.Ifyoudon’t,IthinkI’llkillmyselfsoon.”
“Iisoús.”
“What’sthat?”
“Itmeans,Jesus,inexcitement,disbelief.Ithink…”Isprayedwateroverhershoulder
anditcascadedontoherbreasts.“IwillneedtomakeReubendeadifhehascreatedthis
situation.”
“Hegotintomyhead.HetoldmeIhavetokillmyself,today.Inpublic.”Shelooked
aroundatthebathroom.“Iguessthatrulesouthere.”
“Yes.Itdoes.I’mgoingtoplayinsideyourmindnow,Zorie.Turnoffthetapthenbe
quietandstill.”
“Oh.Youthinkyoucanhelp?”
“Letmesee.”
Afterafewseconds,sheleanedforwardandturnedoffthewaterflow.
Ihadn’tusedanounceofwillonheryet.Notsinceshewalkedinthedoor.She’d
alwaysbeenstrong.WhateverReubenhaddone,itwaspowerfulandlikenothingI’d
thoughtamesmercoulddo.
Withthetapoff,theroomwassilent,exceptforourbreathingandthewaterdripping.
“Playaway.It’sallfucked-upinhereanyway.”
“Goodgirl,”IwhisperedthenIreachedintohermind.
Thelandscapeofthedevil.Reubenhadimplantedasuicidalurgethatsoakedthrough
everypartofhermind.Icouldpatchherandsmoothasenseofhappinessin,but
dislodgingthenastinesscompletelymighttakeafarcloserrelationshipwithher.
Notyet,Iwarnedmyself.Iappliedmywill,easingintohermind,dismissingmuch
thesadnessthatfilledherthoughts.
Themainplay.
Thesuicidecommand…
Itstucklikeglue.
“Done?”sheasked,curledforwardwithherheadonherforearms.
“Staystillabitlonger,baby.”
“Baby?Uh-uh.”
Butshestayed.
AfterawhileIlaybackagainstthetub,withmylegseithersideofhers,idlywatching
beadsofwaterdribbledownherback.Averyintimateposition.
Whataspine.Icouldbiteherallday,leavingteethmarks.Isuckedinaslow,
appreciativebreath.Zoriewassuchaprettyfemale.
“Feelingbetter?”
Shelookedoverhershoulder,hermouthquirkingup.“Alittle.”
“Good.”
NowIknew,Reubenneededtodie,afterall.
“Whydon’twehavesomethingtoeat?I’llorderfromroomservice.”
“Okay.Iamhungry.”
Thehollownessofherfacewouldbepartlyfromnotrememberingtoeat.
“Good.”Isteppedout,helpedherstandthenscoopedheroutofthetub.
Dryingherwiththebig,softtowelremindedmeofdryingoffPelagia,exceptforthe
delightfulswellofZorie’sass.
“Thisislike…”Igaveherhairanotherrub,driedatrailonherback,thenwentback
toherhair.“Dryingoffmywolfhound,Pelagia.”
“Adog?”Shesnorted.
“It’sacompliment.Sheisabeautifulbitch.Loyal.Pretty.”
“Hairy.”Zorieturnedandlookedupthroughthetowel.Socuteseeingjustherflushed
cheeksandlips,hernoseandeyes,surroundedbytowel.Andsosexythewayherbreasts
swayedintoviewasthetowelslipped.
“Yes.Hairy.Likeyou.”Imovedsomeofherwetlocks.“Thoughshe’sbackinGreece
andyou’rehere.”Ikissedherhand.“Let’sorderfood.”
“Clothes?Isthereanything?”
“There’dbeadressinggownsomewherebutIlikeyouinthattowel.I’llwrapyou
up.”
“Ummm.”
Butsheletme,andshecameouttotheloungeareawithherhandinmine.
Itwastouchingandalsosobering.Shewastrustingmenottofuckheroverlike
Reubenhad.YetIwasplanningto,inmyownway.IfshesurvivedI’dhavemyweapon.
Raw,untrained,butaweapon.
RoomservicearrivedandIinsistedonhersittingwithmeonthesofa.Ifedherlittle
quicheswithacrunchycrust,broccoliniinasavorysauce,thenstrawberriesandcream,
chocolateFrenchpastriesandchampagne.Sherevived.Thecolorreturnedtoherface.I
touchedher,occasionally.Iputapillowdownandhadherleanagainstthearmrestwith
herlonglegsovermylap,andeversoslowlyIseducedher.Hermouthrelaxedandshe
watchedmesleepilywiththosegrayeyes.Pasttheedgeofthesofa,hermostlyempty
champagneglasshungfromherhand.
Andthecurveofherlipsseducedme,asdidtheglimpsesofherbody.
Longagoshe’dstoppedholdingthetowelinplace.
WhenItugged,thetowelslippedlower,revealingherbreasts,herpink-brownareolas.
Iwouldtastethose,wrapmylipsaroundthemfully,andsuckthemintomymouth.Lick
themuntilsheshook.Keepingmyhandonherthigh,Ileanedoverandremovedtheglass
fromherhand,thensetitonthetableadjacenttothesofa.
Zorierepeated,hervoicehusky,“Nosex.”
“Thatwasbefore.”Iplacedonefingeronherlowerlip,rollingitout.“Youneedthis.
Icanonlydosomuchinyourmindwithoutmakingyoumine.”
Withashake,shefreedhermouthfrommyfinger.Ilether.
“Yours?”Hermouthcurled.“Areyouforreal?Idon’tknowifIwantanotherone
of…youin…me.”
Meaningmesmersscrewingher.Tothepoint,butthenthesepastweekswould’ve
awakenedhertothefutilityofbeingcoyaroundmenlikeme.
Thetruthwoulddobest.
“WhatI’vedonewon’tlast.IfIdon’tfuckyou,sweetZorie,you’llkillyourself,
soon.”
“Oh.”
“Yes.Now…spreadyourlegsforme.”
Fromthewayherfaceshifted,thathadshockedher.Shewasn’tsohardenedafterall.
OnedayImightgethertosaywhatReubenhadmadeherdo.
Istudiedherthenedgedthetowelapartattheapexofherthighs.
“Wait.”
Whenherhandlifted,asiftograbme,Iintendedtouseaportionofwillbutstopped.
Howfarwouldshego,allbyherself?Myinstructionwasn’tromanticornice,butitwasa
goodtestofwhatshewoulddoforme.“Showme.”
“Don’teverusethewordcuntagain.”
Anewtopic.Ihadn’tsaidcuntatall,thistime.PerhapsitwasafavoriteReuben
word.
“No?”
CuntwasawordIloved,especiallywhenonewaswithinlickingdistance,ifIbent
over.
Toteaseher,Inudgedthetowelwithmyfingertip,makingaheartshapeandexposing
allofhersexualtriangle.Thebeginningsofherslitwerevisibleatthebottomcorner.
Itracedmyfingeraroundwheretowelendedandskinbegan,thenIverydeliberately
wetmyfingeranddrewanupside-downUoverherbuddingclit,severaltimes,backand
forth.
Shesaidnothing,didn’tmoveaninch.Theabsorbedifstartledlookonherfacewas
enough.
Nousingcunt?ItwasasimpleconcessionandIlikedtochallengeboundaries,
includingmyown.
“Iwon’tuseit.”
“Thankyou,”shesaidsoftly,staringatwhereI’drestedmyhandoverherthighwith
mythumbaimingdownbetweenherlegs.
“Nowit’syourturn.”IfIdidn’thaveherwhimperingsoon,I’dhandinmylicenseto
seduce.
“Oh.”
Isatback,withmyelbowonthebackofthesofaandmyjawrestingonmyhand.I
watchedandwaitedforhertoobey.Whereherlegslayovermylap,Ifeltthetwitchof
thighmuscle,asifshewasunsureofwhattodo.Hermonsshowedlikeapeekabooshot.
“Womenareprettytherecomparedtomen.”
Heranswerwasthequietestgruntbutherlegsstoppedmoving.
“AndI’dbetamilliondollarsthatyou’redisgustinglywet.ShouldIcheck?”
“No!”
ShesquirmedasiftoraiseherlegsbutIleanedonthemandseizedthemboth.
“Disgustingly?You’reasdirtyasReuben.”
“Verylikely.I’mjustnicerinhowIfuck.Disgustinglywetisagoodphrasewhenit
comesto…pussies.”
Sheshookherheadandherlegsstayedclosed.
Beingthewolfnevergotold.Just,normally,LittleRedRidingHoodcameandlay
downatmyfeet.
“You’reinteresting,MissZorie.”Iletamusementshowinthetwitchofmymouth.
HereyesflaredwithsomethingIcouldn’tdecipherwithouttouchinghermind.I
wouldn’tdothat,yet.IfoundIwantedthesurprise.
“Spreadyourlegs.”
Shesuckedinabreath.“I’m…thinking.”
Chapter24
Zorie
Spreadyourlegs.
Hiswordshungintheairreadytofall.
Doordon’t?
I’dalreadylethimdosomuch,maybebecauseIfiguredIowedhim,orthatifI
stayedinasleepystatenothingmuchcouldhappen?
OrthatIwantedthisandwasafraidtosayyes?
That.
Withhishandrestingonmythigh,IfeltasifIwerehis.He’ddonethatbefore,last
time–leftmetastinghiscockwhenIwalkedoutofthishotel.He’ddoneitthistimewith
smallgesturesthaterodedmyownershipofmybody.Untilhepulledawaythetowel,I
hadbeencovered.Ihadbeenanislandofme.
Thatwasnolongertrue.
Nowhewaited,withthatkinktohislips,hisblackhairtousledandtwistedasifhe’d
beenawayfightingwarsandrescuingmaidens,butnotraisingasweatbecausehewastoo
coolforthat.Greece,Idecided,washiscountry.Hisshirtthathe’dputbackonwasonly
halfbuttonedandchesthairshowed.Nosmoothchestforthisman.
Andhewasaman,whereReubenwasabully;evenwithouthispowershe’dhave
beenbad.Icouldseethedifference.Howeasywoulditbetobecorruptedafteryearsof
suchpowers?
YetstillIhesitated.Wasitrealorwasheabastardunderneath?Hetookwhenhe
might’veasked,I’dseenthatbuthealsoseemedtocare.Therewasgoodinthere,I’d
swearit.
Stillwatchingme.Sopatient.IfeltasifIshouldrewardthatandImust’vemoved
becausearoundhiseyescrinkled.
“Stillthinking?”
“Mmm.”
Iinterestedhim?Hiserectionagainstthesideofmythighsaidthatthattoo.
Heturnedmeonsobadly.
Iletmylegsmoveapartthesmallestamount.Iwasn’tsayingyes,just…maybe.
Theslightbrushofhisfingersonmyleghadmequiveringand,ashe’dguessed
before,gettingwetter.Withthattouchandtheremembranceofhiscommand,mynipples
tightenedandmoistureslippedfromme.Icouldfeelitdribblingdownmyslit.
IfIdidasheasked,he’dsee.
WhydidthattroublemewhenI’dshownotherssomuch?Maybebecausethiswas
morereal.Thiswasme.
Thiswasmesayingyes.
Ishutmyeyesforasecondand,thoughIcringedinside,knowingIwasgivingin,it
wasstillmychoice.
Ididashe’dasked;Ipartedmythighs.
Foraminutehedidn’tevenlookdownthere,heheldmyeyeswithhis,andIcould
seethesatisfactionI’dgivenhim,asifI’dhandedhimanunexpectedprize.
Thenhestrokedthestubbleonhisjawandhelooked.“Wider.”
Shit.IthinkIblushed,butIwastoofargone,toowillingtoyield.Myrightthighwas
wedgedagainsthimsoIletmyleftlegfallopenmore.
“Nice.”MisterBlacknodded,beforeheputhishandsunderbothmylegsandpushed
themupthendownontomychestsoIwasdoubledoverandpinnedtothesofa.Ibitmy
lipasmyassliftedoffthecushions.“Wrapyourarmsaroundyourlegs.Keepthemthere.”
Todistractmyself,Iaskedaquestion,evenasIheldmylegsagainstmychest.“What
areyoudoing?”
“Consideringwheretofuckyoufirst.”Thenhewinked.
“DoIgetasay?”
“Enoughquestions.QuietorI’llstuffsomethinginyourmouth,anditwon’tbea
strawberry.ThoughImightstuffoneinyourass.”
“Umm.”Whatathreat.Icouldimaginehimcarryingthrough.SoIjustheldmylegs.
Heldthemsotightmyassstayedupoffthesofa.
“Ilikeseeingallyourholesatonce.”
Iopenedmymouththenshutitathisglance.
“I’mnotnice,Zorie.I’mprobablyalittlecrazyafteralltheseyearsgettingwomento
suckmycockwhenIwantedthemto.Itmakesyouseesomepeopleasobjects.”
WasIanobject?Ihopednot,butthenIlosttrackofmythoughtsas…
Absentmindedly,heranhisopenhanddownthebackofmythighthenbetweenmy
legstodocirclesinmypussyentrancewithafinger–slow,stretchingcirclesthatsoon
hadeverysexualpartofmeonhighalertandthrobbingandmebreathingerratically.
Helefthisfingerthere,leftitinmyhole,whileheleaneddownandranhistongue
alongmyslitfromtoptobottom,goingaroundhisfingerforextraemphasisor
something…somethingfuckinggood.Iletoutagroanthatwasquietenoughtobeasigh
andclutchedmylegsharder.Ifonlyhe’ddothattomyclit.
Buthismouthliftedaway.“Don’tmove.”
Hisfirstbitelandedlikeapinceronmythighhalfwaytomyknee.Startled,Iyelped.
Heworkedhiswaywithbitestowardmypussy,wherehesankabiteintothejoinofthigh
andpussy.Isqueakedinshock,becausehedidn’tletgo.Hehungon,bitdeeper.
“Stop,”Igaspedout,tryingtomove,buthislargehandshovedmythighbackonto
place.
“Stay.”
Distraught,butgettingincreasinglyturnedon,Idesisted,Istoppedwriggling.I
stayed.
Heletgo,andmovedtomyotherleg.Soon,despitemylitanyofsqueaksand
whisperedprotests,Ihadanotherlineofbites.Thenhesqueezedmypussylipstogether
withhisfingersandbitmethere.Alarmed,Ibucked.
“Stay!”Forthefirsttime,Ifeltthecaressofwill.Istayed.Fuckme,Idid,groaningas
forseveralsecondsherefusedtoletgo.Itwasn’taspainfulasmythighs,butithadatfirst
beenterrifying.Notanymore.Mypussylipsfeltasifhe’dstapledthembutIhadan
animalofamaneatingmeandmyclitseemedinclinedtopop.
“Fuck.”Iwrithedatinyamount,scaredtomovemore.“Please?”Ididn’tknowwhy
I’dsaidthat.Therewaspain.Therewasthrobbingpleasurethatchanneleddirectlytomy
clitandmademewanttobegforhiscock.Hisstubbleraspedatmyintimateparts.
Iheldmylegstomyself,offeringmycunttohim.Thewordworkedforme,foronce.
Staystuckinmyminduntilhereleasedmylips.Thesatisfiedsmirkheworeawedme.
Whenhesatupandrosetohisknees,IfiguredI’dhavehiscockplungingintome
soon.Fascinated,Istayedthere,abundled-upwoman,presentingherassforhimtofuck.
Heunzippedandpulleddownpantsandunderwearenoughtolethiscockspringfree.
Iwriggledandfoundmyselftonguingbeneathmybottomlip.
“Sexycreature.”Heeyedme.“Fuckingwetandswollen.Mybitesalldownyoulikea
runwayandnow…youstickthatprettytongueout.”
Hecameoverme,handsanchoredonthesofatoeithersideofmyhead,andhezeroed
inonmytongue.Ifroze.Toomuchscrutiny,plushiscockwasbrushingandtwitching
againstmyseam.
“Tongues…”hedrawled.“Aresuchsexualthings.Likecocksandvaginasthatdon’t
carewhoseesthem,naked,andsquirming.”
“Theyare?”Iblinked.
“Yes.”Helickedthesideofmyfacethennippedme,myear,myneck.
“Kissme.”Ilongedtofeelhislipsonmine.
MisterBlackpaused.“Ifuck.Idon’tkiss.Ihavegoodreasons.Holdyourlegshigher.
Holdthem.”
Idon’tkiss.That’dseemedlikeaninsult.Asecondlater,Ididn’tcare,becauseafter
kissingmyleg,slightchangeoftargetthere,hefoundmybreastandswallowedupmy
entirenipplewithhismouth.Mybreastinsidehismouth.God.Hot,wetsuction.The
suckingandlickingatthesametimeashiscocksearchedforandfoundmyentrance,then
delvedinsideme,itwasenoughtomaketheworldstop.
Asimultaneousstormofpleasure.
Holdyourlegsup.HeslidinsomemoreandImoaned,eyesshut,feelinglikeagirl
ondisplayforanypassersbytonail.
Heshuntedinharder,deeper,fuckingmewithenergytospare,thumpingintomyass,
sinkingmeintothesofa.Theloudnessofhimslappingintomylubricatedfleshblended
withmymoansandgrunts.Icouldn’thelpit.Whetherhe’delevatedmyarousalornot
withhiswill,Iwallowedinit,lovedit,lovedbeingfuckedbyamanwhowantedpleasure
andnottodirtymysoul.
Afteralast,long,slidingdrivethathadmearchingmyneck,hepulledoutandstood.
MisterBlackslippedoffhispantsandunderwear.Greedyformore,Iwatchedhiscock
bounce,shiningwithmywetness.
Heslappedthebackofmythigh.“Getup.Iwantyouleaningbottomupoverthearm
rest.”
ThoughIlovedbeingscrewedfrombehindIcouldn’thelpmuttering,“Orders,so
manyorders,”asIrolledoffthesofa,leavingthetowelbehind.
WhenIheardthezipandtinkleofhisbeltleavingtheloopsofhispantsandthe
leatherarrivedacrossmymouth,Iknewwhy.
“Itoldyouwhatwouldhappen.Open.”
Hehad.Swiftjustice.Ifitcouldbecalledthat.Strangely,Ilovedthis,the
surrenderingofcontrol.IguessItrustedhim–notthatIhadmuchchoice.
Iopenedandhewriggledthebeltdeeperintomymouth.Myteethwereaboveand
below,withthebitter-tastingbeltlyingovermytongueandthecornersofmymouth
stretching,ashemadethebelttightenbydoingsomethingatthebackofmyhead.
Whentheleathertwistedpainintomylips,Isqueakedandraisedmyhandsasifto
stophim.
“Downwiththose.You’refine.Icantell.”
“Urng,”wasthebestdisagreeablenoiseIcouldmake,inunisonwithafrown.
HelaughedandusedthebelttosteermesoIlayoverthatarmrest,withthesideof
myheadpushedintothecushion.
“My,my.Thisass.”Hishandstrokedacrossme,circling,asifIweresomeprecious
creationhe’dbeendyingtohandle.Hisnextwordsweredeliveredfromacoupleofinches
away,sincehe’dsquattedbesidethesofa.“HowIwishIcoulddowhatIwantedtoyou.”
Heangledhishead.“Butthere’stoomuchinsideyourmindthat’smessedup,soI’m
beingcareful.Understand?”
Whydidheneedmetounderstand?Ireallyjustneededhimtofuckmesohard,with
theenergyofathousandsuns,orofone,determinedandpowerfulman.Simple.Inodded,
myrearendelevatedandwaitingforhim,mypussyclenching…lyingtheredesiringhis
cockwhilehesmiledatmeacrossthelandscapeofthesofa.Iwasn’treallysurewhathe
wasasking.
Evenso,thedarkpromiseinhiseyesmademyheartfalter.
Thenheclimbedtohisfeetandpenetratedme,slowlyandthoroughly.Iregistered
everymoistfraction,everymomentofthejourneyofhiscockintome.HadItightened
more,swollenmore?Somethingmadeitharderforhimtoenterandmoreamazingan
experience.MyeyesrolledupandIheldmybreath.Ineededonlytofeel.
Onceseatedinsidemefully,hegrabbedtheknotontheleatherbeltatthebackofmy
head,aswellasabighandfulofmyass,thenhefuckedmehardenoughtojarmyteeth.
Withmylipscurledoutandopenedbythebelt,Icouldn’tclosemymouth.Idrooledand
gruntedonthesofa,asIslidbackandforth.Ipartedmylegsmoreandliftedmyasstolet
himdrivein,rockingbacktogreeteachthrustuntilovercome.Pleasureclimbed,filled
me.Almost,almost,there.
Icurledmytoesandheldmyselfinplacewithfistsofsofaupholstery,wanting,
waiting,tobeobliterated.
Tomysurprise,hepulledoutandkneeledtoburyhisfacebetweenmylegs.The
suddenapplicationofmouthtoclitalongwithseveralthickfingerscrammingintomy
pussy,broughtmeclosetoorgasm.Anotherlickandmoresucking,withhisfingers
wedginginsomemore,andIgasped,strucksenseless,rollingintoanunexpectedclimax.
Idiedthelittledeath,lostmyself,andfoundmyselfagain,withmyeyesjammedshut,
sayingagutturalohintothatpoordrooled-onsofa.
Myshuddershadbarelydiedwhenhebeganfuckingmeagain.Thefirstsqueezein
andslideofcockwasalwaysgloriouspost-climax.Mymoansechoed.Thesmacksofwet
fleshrockedtheroom.Isquashedmyfaceintothesofaandbitdown.
IthinkIalmostgotcarpetburnonmyface.
Chapter25
MisterBlack
WhatsheneededwastogosomewherefarawaytorestandforgetaboutReubenfora
while.OneoftheislandsintheMediterraneanmaybe,orsimplytomyquiethousein
Greecewherewecouldsunbatheandwatchherdsofgoats,eatdolmades,pastitsio,and
olives,drinkwineandlaugh.Icouldn’tdothat,notyet.Icouldn’tevenletheroutsidethe
hotelinmycompany.
KillingReubenwouldgetthepolicesniffingabout,lookingintoherpast,evenifshe
somehowdiditwithoutanycluesthatsaiditwasher.IhadbiggerfishtofryafterReuben.
I’dtakeherwithmeifIcould.IfIcouldn’t–queserasera,astheFrenchsayingwent.
Oneshouldn’tgetattachedtoaweapon.
ButIsowishedIcould.I’dhaveputmytattooonherinaninstant,if…alwaysif.
Sowestayedinmyhotelroomandshehidwhenthestaffcamein.Herfingerprints
wouldbeeverywherebutthewholepointwastohavenootherlinks.Nophone,no
internet,nopaperlinks.NopicturesofusonCCTV.
Ifedherthehealthygourmetmealsontheroomservicemenu,aswellasconversation
andlaughter.FrommywalletIdugaphotoofPelagiatakenontheverandahofmyhouse
lookingoutoverthevalley.Thepictureseemedtogroundher.Iunderstood.Animalswere
senttopeopletoshowushowweshouldbehave.Dogscouldteachusaboutbeingloyal,
trustworthyandloving.
“Sheispretty.”Zorielayonthesofa,admiringthephotowithitheldupafootfrom
hernose.
I’dchosentositonthefloorandwithmybacktothesofa.WhenIleanedback,I
couldrestmyheadagainstherside.
“Yes.”Ismiled,thinkingofherandPelagiatogether,thenIaddedjokingly.“A
womanwhoalsolovesmydogisaprizeindeed.”
“Huh.You’reambitious.”Shetwistedoutherownsmile.Thesadnesswasclearing
moreandmorefromhereyes.“Ilovehowhappysheis.Beingabletojustbeyourselfand
nothaveanyothercares,thatwouldbewonderful.Pelagia.”Thesyllablesrolledwelloff
hertongue.
“Youlikethename?It’sanancientGreekone.APelagiaoncesacrificedherselfrather
thanbetrayhergod.”
“WouldPelagiasacrificeherselfforyou?”
Wherewasthisheading?“Yes.Ibelieveshewould,”Isaidquietly.“Herheartisone
withtheheartofherhuman,likemostdogs.”
“Hmmm.”Shemetmygaze.“Ialwayswantedabigdog.Myparentsdidn’tlikethem
andIneverhadtheopportunityorthespace.Orthetimetolookafterone.”
Thenshewentquietandsimplystaredatthephotoforages.Ididn’tinterrupt.Ifit
helpedherheal,itwasgood.Eventuallyshefellasleepwiththephotoonherlap,pinned
beneathherhand.
Sometimes,IwatchedtheTVwithhercuddledaroundmewhileIstrokedher
beautifulredhairandherears,sometimesherlips.Kissingheronthoseplump,sculpted
lipswasn’tpossible,andthatmadethemmoretantalizing.Once,shelickedmyfingerand
allIcouldthinkofwaskissingher.Kissingformehadbecomeaverysignificantact,once
Iunderstoodwhatitdidtowomen.I’dtriednottothinkofthenextlogicalstepafter
kissinghermouth,whichwasfuckingherthere,becauseitseemedprofaneinthemoment.
Afterthatfirstoccasion,Ihadn’tpushedforsex.Ithoughtsheneededsometimewithout
it.Iletherheal.Imadeherhealwithmywill.
Wedidn’tspeakofReuben.Thatwasinthefuture.
Afterawhile,Irealizedthatwhenshesmiled,itdidn’tjustlightuptheroom,itmade
mychestache.Thatworriedme.Ididn’thaveacardiacproblem.
Onthethirdday,Ifigureditwastimetogofurther.
Iwassittingupwithmybackagainsttheheadboard,andZoriewassnuggledintomy
side.Thelong,silkendresssheworewasaone-size-fits-allsortI’dboughtinaground
floorboutique,yetitclungtoherinalltherightplaces.Thebookshewasreadinghad
someforeignhistoricalsceneonthecover.I’dboughtittoo–pickeditupfromabinata
bookstore.Idoubtitmatteredwhatthestorywas–anythingthattookherawayfromwhat
hadhappenedwasgood.
ButshehadtostartcomingdowntoearthforI’ddoneasmuchasIcould.I’doften
wonderedwhatmymeddlinginsideawoman’sheaddidtoher.Mosttimes,itonlyaltered
howtheysawandreactedtome.WhatReubenhaddonethough,it’dchangedher
perspectiveonlifetothepointwhereendingitwasherbestoption.Repairingthat…I
doubtedshecouldbethesamewoman.
YetI’dgrownattachedtoZorie,anditwasn’tjustherbody,herfemaleness,oreven
theinnocenceshestillexuded,itwasher.WhatwouldhappenwhenImessedwithher
evenmore?
Somuchcouldgowrong,butifIdidnothing,morepeople…womenwoulddie
horribly.
Ididn’thavethefreedomtoleavethisbe.
“It’stimetodomore,”Isaid,stirringherhair.Iwouldneverbesatisfiedwhenitcame
tolettingherhairdriftovermyhands.TheredcontrastedwithherperfectskinandI
decideditwasapartofwhysheseemedunsullied,nomatterwhatdebaucheryshe’dbeen
involvedin.“WeneedtosortouthowtokillReuben.”
Shestiffened.“What?”
Iwaited.
Finallysheturnedandwithherelbow,proppedherselfonside.“Areyouserious?You
stillexpecttokillReuben?”
“Yes.I’vealwayssaidthat,onlyIcanseeitwilltakepreparation.I’ll–”
“No,fuckno.”Nowshesatupfully,slidingawayuntilshewasperchedattheedgeof
themattresswithherlegsovertheedge.Thedistanceshe’dcreatedsaidI’dalarmedher,a
lot.
Icouldartificiallymanipulatethis,butthewholepointwastogethermoreresistantto
commands,notscrewheroverandmakehergobacktohim.Thatwaywouldn’thelpat
all.
“Icanhelpyou.Webarelytriedlast–”
“No!Youhavenoideawhathappened.”Sheshowedgrittedteeth.“Noidea.Ihada
gunalmostinhisfaceandhestoppedme,dead.Icouldn’tmove.Heforcedmetofuck
myselfwiththegun.”
Ifrowned.Ihadn’tknownthat.
“Infrontofalltheothers.Hemademepullthetriggerwithitinsideme.Doyouhave
anyfuckingideahowterrifiedIwas?AndyetIdidit.Becausehecouldcontrolmethat
well.IthoughtIwasdead,buthe’dtakenthebulletsoutwhileIwassemi-conscious.And
thatwasbecausehe’dmademenotbreathe.Hecouldcontrolmybreathing,forgod’s
sake.”
Sheslidoffthebedtoherkneesandburiedherfaceinthequilt.
“I’mnotgoingbacktohimtotryagain.I’mnot.”
“You’remybestweapon,Zorie.You’rethebesthopeforalotofpeople.Your
potentialishuge.IbelieveIcanhelpyouseehowtoresisthim.Ido.Ineedsomeonelike
you,Zorie.”Iheldoutmyhands,palmup.“Ihaven’tbeggedanyoneforanythingfor
years.Please.”
“No.”Shedrewinalong,snifflybreath.God,ithurttohurther.“No.Findanother…
weapon.It’snotme.I’mdone.”Shakily,likeshe’dgainedathousandyearsinage,she
stood.Inarustyvoicesheadded,“Notme.Ithinkyou’vehelpedmeenoughthatIcanrun
awayfromhim,andforthat…”Shemetmygaze.“I’mverythankful,butIcan’tdowhat
youwantmeto.Ican’t.”
Inodded.“Isee.”
“I’maweapon?”Hermouthscrewedup.“Funny.Iknownothingisnormal,butI
thoughtIwasmorethanthattoyou.”
Notaquestion.Astatement.Debatingthiswithherwasfutile.
“Thiswillhelpothers,otherwomenwhoareprobablysufferingasbadlyasyouhave,
andstillit’sno?”
“It’sno.I’mgoingnow.Unlessyoumakemestay.Notdoingthat?No?You’reletting
thisweapongo?”ThecreaseinherforeheadspokeofastruggleandIcouldsenseitinside
heralso.“I’mgoing,andIhopeIwon’teverseeyouagain.Thankyouforyourhelp.”
Thensheslippedoffthebedandheadedforthedoor.
Angerkindled.“Icouldmakeyoustay.”Afoolishthingtosay.Therewasnopoint,
unlessIonlywantedtomakeheranacquisitionofmine.ForamomentIthoughtthat
through.IcouldtakehertoGreece.Easily.
Foronce,Iheldback.ItseemedvulgartoforceherafterwhatReubenhaddone.
Wherethehellhadthesenewmoralssprungfrom?
“Youcould,”shesaidquietly,notturningaround.“AndI’mawareenoughnowthatI
knowthatdeepdowninside,nomatterhowmuchyoumademeloveyou,Iwouldhate
youforittoo.”
Thatscorchedme,sinkingthroughmybonesandheartinasolidchunkofcruelty.
ThenshegathereduphercarkeysandherpursethatI’drescuedfromhercar,andshe
begantosliponthesmallflatshoesI’dboughther.
“Hemarriedyou.Nomatterwhereyougo,ifhe’salive,hewillfindyou,Zorie.”
“Ihavesomewhere.”
Iconsideredthat.Where?“Yoursister’s?You’llneedmoney,andyoucan’tgohome
togetclothes.Don’tuseyourcreditcard.Idon’tknowifhecantrackpurchasesbutit’s
possible.Takesomecashfrommywallet.It’sonthesmalltablenexttothesofa.”
Shebarelynoddedbutwhenshewentouttothelivingroomarea,IthoughtIheard
hertakesomemoney.Thensheleft.
Thedoorshut.I’dnotbotheredtomovefromthebed.
TherewentmyplansandpossiblyalsoapartofmeIhadn’tknownI’dgiventoher.
IfIcouldthinkofhersister’splace,socouldhe.
Icouldn’tfollowhereverywhereandshewouldn’twantmeto.Givingherachoice
wentagainsteverythingI’ddoneformanyyearsbutitwastheonlymethodthatmight
work.
She’deithercomebacktome,orshe’dhaveabrutallyshortfuture.
Choicescouldbeexcruciating.IwentandpouredmyselfafullglassofLaphroaig
Scotchthensatdownandnurseditforanhour.
Byanyofnormalsociety’sstandardsIwasabadguybutIwastryingtodosomething
goodhere,anditwasn’tworkingout.Maybesomeonebetteratviolencewouldgoinguns
blazingandtakeoutReubenandhisfriends,andthat’dgettheminjail.Icouldn’tafford
that.Iwasapsychologistwithanadd-ondoctorateinthemindcontrolofladies.I’dnever
knifed,shot,orgarrotedanyone.
WhereasZoriehadahistoryofdoingwhatneededdoingwhencrunchtimecame.
Onlyonce,andinherdistantpast,butshewaswillingtokillReubentoo,orhadbeenuntil
hescaredher.
Still,Ifeltlikeanasshole.IswiggeddownthelastoftheLaphroaig.Probablybecause
Iwasone.
Fuckchoices.
Chapter26
“…astealthilyapproachingmenace;notdeath,butsomenameless,unheard-ofthing
inexpressiblymoreghastlyandabhorrent.”
-H.PLovecraft
Zorie
He,MisterBlack,wasright.Ishouldn’tgohome.Afterthreedays,four?Wasitthat
long?Reubenmightbe…Isighedoutahardbreath,thinking.Okay,hewouldbewaiting
forme.Dyinginpubliccouldbemuckedupandbodiesnotfoundforages,butmore
likelyhe’drealizeI’dnotdoneitatall.Ihadthedress,shoes,andunderwearIhadonand
mycar,apistol,andfourhundredandseventy-fivedollars.ThetraintoPerthalonewas
goingtocostmeastackofthat.Ineededmore.
AttheuniversityIcouldgetmorecash.ThesmallkayakingclubIwasco-presidentof
duringterm,wehadakittythatwaskeptinthestaffsafe.Cashthatwasusedforsmall
things.Anotherthreeorfourhundredwouldbeinthere,anditwouldmakeadifference.
PlusIhadspareclothes.
Itwasworthit.I’dleaveanotethatI’dreimbursethem,whichIwoulddo,butfrom
Perth.Iwasgoingtodisappointsomepeopletakingthatmoney.Mightevenmakethem
wantmechargedwithstealing.Iwasgoingtolosemyjobanyway,andmakeithardtoget
workforalong,longtime.Thatallmademesad.
Itoyedwiththecarkeyswheretheyhungfromtheignition.
Sadwasn’tterrifying,itwasjustahollowfeelinginsidemygutthatwouldeventually
fade.Itwasn’tadevastating,mind-numbingfearand,besides,Ihadnochoice.
MysisterAmeliawouldbepuzzled,butshe’dhelpme.
“That’sitthen.”IdroveoutoftheundergroundcarparktofindMisterBhadpaidfor
theparkforseveraldaysandIspunthewheel,droveintothesunlight,andheadedforthe
uni.
IfI’downedapet,itwould’vebeennotjustdeadbutmummifiedbynow.MisterB,
damnhim,hadanIrishWolfhoundcalledPelagiaorsomething.Luckybastard.I’dbethe
hadagroundskeeperorsomeonelookingafterher.I’dbetamilliondollarshenever
boardedthedog.
Themanhadlentmesomuchmoney.WasitbecauseIwasapotentialweapon,or
wastheremoretoit?Ididn’tknowanddidn’tcaretofindout.Iwassooverbeing
controlled.Whyhecouldn’tbehisownweapon?Ihadnorealunderstandingofhis
reasons.
Theuniversityhallwayswereascrowdedasarestaurantwithzombieonthemenu.
MorbidjokesRus.MyclothesinthelockerwerejustasparepairofjeansandtwoT-
shirts.Onelabexperimentwhereadecapitatedrathadsquirtedbloodacrossmylabcoat
anddownmycollarhadtaughtmethatIneededextraclotheskepthere.
Themoneyinthekittywasonlythreefiftybutit’ddo.Iclosedthesafe,thenwentand
satawhileinmyoffice.EverythingIregardedasmyreallifewasgoingaway.Withall
this,Iwasabandoningmyself.Self-preservation,butitwassodifficult.Iwrappedmy
handsovermyhead,staringatmyframeddegree,atthephotosofkidsfrommylectures.
Sportsdays,kayakingwithfriends,stuffthatwastheconcretefoundationsofmysoul.
Gone.
Iwasstrongenoughtogetbythis.Iwould.
AsIpassedtheone,complacent,securityguard,Iwaved.I’dexplainedmyerrand.He
wasdoinghisroundsandpossiblytheonlyguardinthewholebuilding.
Theballetflatsmadesoftscuffingnoisesonthefloor.Thefluorescentlightsseemed
dimmerthannormal.Thedoorsseemedtostick.Thebloodyplaceechoedwithoutpeople.
NomatterwhereIwentorwhatIdid,Ifeltthatcreepyhorrormovietingle.Just
aroundthecornermightbehim,orthisone,orthatone.Imadeitdownallthefucking
uncrowdedhallwaysandintotheelevatorandstoodtheretappingmykeycardinmyhand,
asifhavingitreadywasasixgunIcoulduseonanyintruderinthecarpark.IfI
screamedloudlywouldtheguardhearme?
Hellno.Theplacewasstorieshighandtheremightbeahordeofserialkillerclowns
downthere,andtheonlywitnesswouldbethecameras.Cuetheevilviolinmusic.
Makingjokestomyselfwasn’thelping.
Tomyrelief,therewasnooneinthecarpark–justsixorsocarsandminewasclose
totheelevator.Heartslowing,Isetouttotraversethefiveyards.Sprintingwouldbesilly,
despitehownervousIwas.
FuckReuben.I’dthoughtMisterBlackhadcuredmeoffearbutno,he’donlymade
mehappiertemporarily.IflickedthecaropenerandtheMazdablinkedandbleepedatme.
ReubendeservedtodiebutMisterBlackwasgoingtohavefindanothertoolto
executehim.
Idoublecheckedthevicinitybeforemoving.
Themetalofthedoorwasstillwarmfromthesun.Anditdidn’topen.Somedays,my
carwasalittleprematureinrelockingitself.Ifumbled,turningtheelectroniccarkeyto
thebuttonside.
Bookingatrainticketontheinternetwasout,butIprayedIcouldgetoneatthe
stationthat’datleastgetmemilesoutofSydney.Thecarbleepedandblinkedagainand
thedooropenedwhenIpulled.Itossedinmybag.IcouldgettoPerthin–
Icouldn’tmove.
Excepttoblink.Tearsleakedfrommyeyesasfootstepsdrewcloser.Thefootstepsof
morethanoneperson.
Icouldseethesteeringwheel,feelthekeysinmyhandbutIcouldn’tturntosee…
Iknewwhowasbehindme.
Chapter27
“Disintegrationisquitepainless,Iassureyou.”-H.PLovecraft
Zorie
Reuben’shandsdraggedmyheadaround.“Hello,Zorie.”Thenhekissedme,crushing
mylips.“Wheredidyouthinkyouweregoing?”
IfoundIcouldspeak.Couragecamefromsomewhere;besides,IknewnothingIsaid
wouldstophim.“Awayfromyou.”
Hislaughterwasquiet.Howclassicallychiseledandhandsomehewas,withhis
blondenessandstrikingface.Evenhisblondeyebrowswereperfect,whileMisterBlack
wasalittleraggedaroundtheedges.IcouldseeReubeninacommercialforcologneor
surfclothing.
Beforefearoverwhelmedme,orhecouldthinktostopme,Ispatonhim.
Heonlyflinchedalittleanddidn’tslaporhurtme.Ithinkthatscaredmemorethan
straightassaultwould’ve.
“Christ.Bitch.”Hepickedupthesideofmydressandwipedhisface.“Let’sgetthis
done.”
“Openspaceinthemiddle?”Icouldn’tturnmyheadenoughtoseethespeaker,butit
wasMadoc.“Underthatcamera?”
“Yes.”
Icouldguesswhattheyintended.HowcouldIgetoutofthis?Whyhere?Ididn’t
wanttoknowtheanswer.
Smiling,asifthiswereapicnicouting,Reubensteppedbackandheldouthishand.
“Comewithme.”
Itookhishand,becausehemademe.Iwalkedacrosstheconcretedespitethe
gibberingcriesinmymindandthecycloneofpanicrising.Nothingpreventedmylimbs
frommoving.IfI’dcollapsed,theywould’vecarriedme.Iwantedthat.Neededit.But
couldn’tevenhavethatmodicumofsalveformyhonor.
NoneofthemgaveawaythatIwastheirvictim.DirkeandMadocwalkedaheadand
stoppedbesideoneoftheconcretepillarsupports.Thelongertheydelayed,themore
likelysomeonewouldseethecamerafootageorarrivefortheircar.Maybesaveme.
Please,please,someonecomedownhere.
Ourshoestappedoutmydoom.
Takeoffyourdress.Thecommandarrivedinmymind.Hisobedientrobot,Ipulledit
overmyheadandstoodthereshivering.Shiverswouldn’tshowoncamera,andifthey
did,whowouldknowthatitwasbecauseIwasscared?
“Whataslutyouare,Zorie.”
Morecommands.Ilaughedathiswords.Hekissedmeagain,thefrissonsoflustnow
spinningthroughmybodyandbrushingofflikefloatingfeathers,enliveningmybody
withheatuntilImoaned.
Morecommands.Iturnedandbentover,putonepalmonthecolumnwhileIwriggled
mypantiespartwaydown,enoughtoshowoffmyslit.
“Damn.Youpickthebestlittlesluts,man.”Dirkechuckledthenleanedintograbmy
breastandbitemethenkissme,leavingatrailofslobberonmyface.
“We’regoingtofuckeveryholeyouhave,mygirlandyouloveit,don’tyou?”
Reubenslidfingersintomyentrancethenhisthumbgatheredmymoistureandprobedmy
asshole.“Here,there,everywhere.”
Sayyes.Sayitloud.
“Yes.Yes,Ido!Unh!”Igaspedasitseemedhethrusteverydigitonhishandmiles
deepintomesomewheredownthere.
Fromthepressureinandonmyflesh,mypussyhadthemostofhim.Itriedtohold
backmyreaction,butcouldn’thelptheriseofpleasure,thespiralupwardasmynerves
awoke,orpreventmybackfrombowingasplacesonmeswelledandleaked,throbbed
andclenched,inamessyanddisgustingpreparationsothesemencouldfuckmemore
efficiently–betrayedbymybody,evenifhecommandedit.
“That’sit.”Dirkeremarked,sardonically.“Lookathershovinghersloppycuntat
you.Shewantsitbad.”
“More.”IsobbedwhenReubenscrewedhishandindeeper…pain,pleasure…butI
thrustback,thenIshutmyeyesandwasthankfulheletmehavethatescape.
Ipanted,Ikeened,Iregularlycriedouttothemtofuckmewiththeircocksinstead.At
thesamemomentsasIshriveledinsideatmyblasphemy.
“More.Please,please,please.”
MylegsandarmsshookasIstayedwherehewantedme,bentoveratthecolumn.
Someoneyankeddownmybracupsthenmouthed,sucked,lappedonmynipples,
goingquicklyfromonetotheother,grabbingeachtitashandfuls,makingthemwetand
mynipplesjutoutinlittleerectbuttons.Sensationsrippledtomycrotchandhot-wiredto
myclit.Someonebitmyside,myass,myneck,whiletheyhalf-chokedme.Finally,at
last,atfrigginglast,acockwasshovedintomypussy,thickandpulsing,pushingaside
mycreamingyetreluctantyetcravingflesh.Theyviolatedmeinspiteofthevolumeand
frequencyofmycriesofmoreandfuckmeharder.Icamehard,panting,trembling,my
thighsalreadyslipperywithmyjuices.
“More?”Someoneasked.
“Yes!”
Fingers,hands,tonguesandcocksmassagedmyclit.Someonekneeleddownthere
andtheybegantolick.Theypulledmearound,somyheadwaslowerandputcockin
there.Mymindwaspulledapart,intopiecesIcouldn’tfocus,andIfelteverythingatonce
andseparately.
Crammedfull,findingithardtobreathe,Iregisteredtherelentlesslickingbelow,the
claimingofmymouth,thetightsqueezeinmypussy.“Fuck.”Ichoked.Isworeloudly.I
dideverythinghewanted.Igroanedaseveryholewasoccupiedbycocksanddigitsor
maybesomethingbigger.Adildo?
“Wentshopping,”Reubensnarledinmyear.“Yougotafuckingcucumberinyour
ass.”Thenhelaughed.Mymindblottedoutaswhateveritwas,dildo,cucumber,orcock,
wasinsertedfurther.Full.Stretched.Slurpingsoundscamefromwherewhoeverwas
betweenmylegswasapplyinghismouthandIbuckedintoanincredibleorgasm.
Iscreamedmorethanalittle.
WhateverReubenhadwrongwithhim,expertiseatgivingmeorgasmswasn’t
missing.Heplayedmymind,pumpedmefullofwantsandpleasures,mademybody
respondinwhateverwayhechose.AndIcoulddonothinginspiteofknowingthey’dset
meintopositionwhereasecuritycamerawaslookingdownonus.
“Wet,juicy,andfuckedintotheground,girl,”Reubenwhisperedintomyearwhile
Dirketookmyass.Iwasonhandsandknees,headdown,hairswayingaroundmewith
eachthrust,aswellasstucktothesweatonmybackandface.“That’showwe’redoing
this.”
Icouldonlygroaninreplyforhe’dsneakedhishandsundermeandturnedmeinto
hiscomingmachine,again.Ishookwildlyandsomehowhumpedbothhisfingersand
Dirke’scockatthesametime.Icollapsedtotheconcreteafterthat.Itwascoldandhard
undermybreastsandstomach.Thepositiondidn’tstopthem.
Whenthey’dallhadme,severaltimes,ineverypossiblehole,theysatmeinmycar
withmydressputonme.Numb,Istareddownathowtheclothclungtomychest.
“Gohomeandwait.”ThenReubenadded,holdingmyfacesoIhadtoseehim.“That
shouldfixyou.They’llcomeforyouwiththeirpitchforksnow,won’tthey?Thistime,kill
yourselfwithoutfail.Ohandincaseyouthinkyou’resmart.Iknowanotheronelikeme
hasbeenfuckingyou.Icouldfeelit.Feelhiscuminyou,youdirtybitch.Donotgoback
tohim.Hecan’thelpyou.”Hiseyesseemedtogroweverbiggeranddarkerashestared
fullthrottleintomine,drivinghiswordsinhardandforceful.“Ifyou’reluckyandobey
meproperlythistime,Iwon’tchaseafterthatrich,littlestudentofyourswhowentoff
overseas.She’sacuteone.Betyoudidn’tknowshewassusceptible.Icould’vegrabbed
herandfuckingdidn’t.Gokillyourself,sweetie.”Heslammedthedriver’ssidedoor.
Glazed-eyed,Iwatchedthemwalkaway.Howlonghadthattaken?
Icouldonlypraythecameraswereoffornotworking.Iftheyweren’t…
Theymeaningtheuniversityboard?Iwastooexhaustedtofollowuphislogic.
HadhebeentalkingaboutCherie?Aspikeofhorrorranthroughme,whenIthoughtI
wastootiredtofeelanything.
WhateverMisterBlackhaddonehadbeenobliterated.SohadI.
Chapter28
“Madnessridesthestar-wind…clawsandteethsharpenedoncenturiesofcorpses”
-H.PLovecraft
Zorie
Thethingwas…thethingwas…Iknewwhathappenednext,andI’drecoveredalittle
already.Resiliencewasmymiddlename.
Icoulddrive.Icouldthink,again.AfterafewmilesI’dadjustedmyclothes,pulled
overandmademyselfrespectable,enough.NoonecouldtellIhadnopantiesorbra,and
thefacewipesinmyglovecompartmenthelpedcleanupthemess.
Reubenhadplantedhiscommandwiththeeffectivenessofaconcreteblocklanding.I
wasgoinghometochaosunlessIcouldsomehow,magically,rallymymind.MisterBlack
thoughtIcouldresist,withpractice.Ihadzerotimeforpracticinganythingexceptmaybe
howtosinkaknifeintomystomach.
Blood.Knifesinkingintomydressdownthere,thefabricbeingcarriedinbytheknife
pointasthesharpmetalpiercedme.
Beeeep.Ijerkedatthesoundandclunkedintogearthendroveoff.I’dseenblood
pouringdownmylap,washingredovermylegsanddowntomyankles,thewarmthof
it…
Gettingbeepedattrafficlightswhilenightmaredreamingwasmyforte.
“Gohomeanddie,”Imouthed,repeatinghiswords.Soslapstick,butitwaslikely
goingtoturntrue.Thetendrilsofhiswordsweregrowing,sendingdarkintomylight.
Ididn’twanttodie,butthenagain,Idid.Thecrueldichotomy.
MisterBlackwouldn’tseeme,notthistime.He’dturnmeaway.
Iwantedhelp.Ineededitdesperately.Grimm?
Thepark?
Iweavedmywaythroughthetraffic,nearedhome,andmanagedtodeviatetothe
park.Success.
Hewasn’tthere.Again.NoonewasanywherewhenIneededthem.Afterahalfhour
watchingaguytossingbreadatthebirdsfromtheseat,heleftandIsatonthesun-
warmedmetalslats.He’dbeenlikesomedamnjavelinthrowermakingparabolicarcsin
theairwiththebreadchunks.Theducksdidn’tmindandtheiranticshadmademesmile.
Mightbemylastsmile.
Iwasprobablygoingdownwiththisship.Wouldhallucinationsbenext?
Thebenchwasunderme,abagwasinmyhand,andthebagheldthegun.
Fuck.HadIbroughtittogetridofit?
Myshorttermmemorywasgoingfasterthanlasttime.
“Damn.”Iburiedmyfaceinmyhandsandsniffledtomyselfforawhile,watchingas
tearsploppedontothedressMisterBlackhadboughtme.Thedressthey’dhadmetake
offinthecarpark.Itwasaprettyfloralone.
Theplasticbag,withtheguninside,rustledinmyhandasIstrodetothewater’sedge.
Crouching,Ilookedabout.Noonetomyleftorrightandbehindmeweretrees.Ithrew
thebagfaroutintothelittlelake,watcheditgosploshandraiseageyser.
Couldn’tshootmyselfnowandImightregretthat.Knivesweremessy.
Iwentandsatbackdownagainonthebench.Inscribedinthemetalweresomenew
letters.
WDYW
Ifrownedandtriedtodecipherthemeaning.IfGrimmhadleftthat,theydidhave
meaning.Hislastwordstomecamebackquickly,maybebecausehe’dstressedthem.
Whatdoyouwantmetodo?
Closeenough?Whatdoyouwant?WDYW.Ifthiswerehim…
Iwipedmyeyeswiththebaseofmythumbandbegantoscratchmyownletters.
Nothingtooobviouswouldbebest?Hell,Iwasalittlefargoneforniceties.Butdoingthis
anchoredme.ItfeltasifIwasachievingsomething.Itwasastepforward.
Thekeytipgougedawaytinycurlsofpaint.Thistangibleact,thesoundsof
scratching,thefeedbacktomyfingersandpalmsotheyached,eventheduckthathad
waddledbeneaththeseatsoitcouldlookupatme,itallmademerememberthisworld
wasreal.Therewereotherswhocouldgethurt.
Whenfinished,Icontemplatedmysuccinctmessage.Alittleobvious,alittlemystery.
KILLeR
Itwoulddo.Itwouldhaveto.IfIcouldhavedonethatmyself,Iwouldhave.Killing
Reubenwouldbesosatisfying.
Isighedandtuckedthekeysintomypalm.
WasIfuckingkiddingmyself?
I’dbeenwithhimanhourbefore,hadhiminsideme,andI’dbeenabletodonothing.
Icouldn’trecallthethoughtofretaliationevenoccurringtome.
Everystepofthewaybacktothecar,withthegrasssoftandspringyundermybare
feet,Iwonderedwhatthefutureheld.
WouldGrimmseethemessageorunderstandit,andifhedid,didhehavetheguts
andtheresourcestosucceed?Iwastryingtodraganinnocentmanintothis.Wrong,so
verywrong.YetIprayedhewoulddoit,prayedhewouldkill.
IfReubendied,wouldIbefreed?
DrivingtothetrainstationwaswhatIshoulddonext.Thelogicalthingtodowasto
leave.LeaveSydney,Icommandedmyself,atleasttwentytimes,beforeIturnedthekey
intheignition.
Andthen,Idrovehome.
Myhandsscrewedintothesteeringwheelateverytrafficstop.Iworeablisterinto
onepalm,butIstillheardthegravelcatchingunderthetiresasIrolledthecarintomy
driveway.
Blood.Myfutureheldblood.“Probablymine,”Imuttered.
*****
“Hark,whatlightthroughyonderwindowbreaks.”Iblinkedblearilyatthelouvres
andtheaforementionedlightscaldingmyeyes.Morning.Probably.Startingthedaywith
Shakespearehadtobegood?Irolledovergroaning,findingI’dprobablyforgottento
showerlastnightsinceIwasstilldressedinshortsandtop.
“Jesus.”Myeyeshurt,myheadhurt,evenmywristsandhandsached.
Hangover.
SittingontheedgeofthebedIremembereddrinkinganentirebottleandahalfof
merlotlastnight.Myplan,suchagoodone,hadbeenthatIcouldn’tverywellkillmyself
inpublicifIcouldn’twalk.
It’dworkedtoo.Foronenight.Iwasalive.NoguntoplayRussianroulettewith
either.
WouldGrimmhavefoundmymessageyet?HowlongcouldIhideinhereandstay
saneorfed?Waterwasnotaproblem,butIhadafeelingmypantryhadmorecansofcorn
andtomatoesthananythingsolidandmyfridgewasn’tgoingtobemuchbetter.
“Ah.”Iheldupafinger.Icouldorderfromthesupermarketforhomedelivery.I’dnot
triedthatbefore,butitwasagreatalternativetogoingoutside.Thiscommandmustwear
offeventually.
Itrottedfromthestairs,pastthepillow-strewnlivingroom,tothekitchen.
Iblinked,mouthopening.AcrossthecountertopwasalineofeveryknifeIowned.
Notaneatlinethough.Notatall.I’dstabbedtheknivesintothetopandhackedholes
beforeleavingthemimbeddedandstickingupright.Thiswaswhymyhandshurt.
Thetiptoeofevildownmyspineraisedgoosebumpsandmynipples.
IfIdidorderthehomedeliveryofgroceries,I’dbewisenottocarryaknifetothe
door.Killingmyselfinpublic–knifingmyselfinfrontofthedeliverypersonwouldcount
asthat.
Asyet,Iwasn’tcourageousenoughtoadvancefurther,butIwasalsonochicken.
Withmybacktothedoorframe,Islidtothefloorandsattherewatchingthelittle
armyofknives,halfafraidI’dgograbone.
“Youwon’tbeatme,Reuben.Youfuckingwon’t.”Myvoicewasstrained,butthenall
ofmefeltasifithadbeenpushedthroughafinemesh.Ahangoverontopofartificially
loomingdepressionandhallucinations?Jackpot.
Iwouldn’tmovefromhereuntilIhadthissorted.Evenifmybuttwentnumb.
Hewouldnotbeatme.
ThistimeIfeltthecrazinesscoming.Thewallsleanedoverme.Thekniveswere
beneathmyfingers.Hardthings.Sharpthings.Ileanedmyforeheadontheendofone,on
thehandleend.Forages.IthurtandleftasquaredentinmyforeheadskinthatIsawin
themirrorofthebladeofthecleaver.
“Don’t,”Itoldmyself.
Leaningonthepointendwithmyeyewasworse.Iflinchedaway,threwtheknife,
andwatcheditskidacrossthefloorandbeneaththefridge.
Seeingthefridgesnappedmeawake.Allthekniveswereinplace,stabbingthe
counter,excepttheonethathadventuredunderthefridge.
Itcouldn’thavebeenthatlong.PerhapsIshouldleavethekitchenforlater,afterall.I
backedoutthedoor,myheartthudding,thankfulI’dcaughtmyselfintime.
Thecrunchundermyshoeswarnedmeasecondbeforethestingarrivedinmyhand.
Blood.ItleakedfrommyfistwhereIhadmyfingerswrappedaboutthephone.Thephone
hadbeenupstairs.Ifrownedandsawtheshardsofglassunderfoot.
AsIturnedthemonstrositywasrevealed.Everythingshatterableintheroomhadbeen
broken.Glassfragmentsandtwistedmetal,splintersoftimber,smashedchina,itwas
everywhere.
Iwasn’tgoingtosurviveinhere.
“Fuck,”Iwhispered.
Getitoverwith,mydemonvoicewhisperedback.Gooutside.
Whatareliefthatwouldbe.Icouldn’tlivelikethis.
Thephonejangled.Withslippery,redfingers,Ifumbledtoanswer.
Textmessage.Readingitseemedfarmoreimportantthantryingtofigureoutwhatto
dowithmyhouse,withme.
Themessagewasfromtheuniversity.
ProfessorBoadonbehalfoftheUniversityBoard,requestsyourattendanceatan
emergencymeeting,at4pmtoday,todiscussyourtenure.Youareaskedtobringevidence
explainingwhathappenedintheundergroundcarparkontheuniversitygrounds,as
detailedbelow.
Times,date,andcarparkdesignationwereallthere.
Thevideoevidenceindicatesyoumayhaveparticipatedinactivitiesthatarecontrary
totherequirementsofconductforstaffmembers.
Yesterday,I’dpushedawaylogic,refusedtoworkoutalltheimplications,buthere
theywere,frontandcenter.Reubenhadmeantthistohappen.
Itwasobviouswhyhe’ddonethis.Hedidn’tneedmeemployed,justdead.
Nomentionofbringingalawyer.IfI’dbeensane,I’dhavearrangedforone.IfI’d
beeninnocent,ditto.Iwasneitherofthose.
OnefifteenPMalready.Iwashungry.Howsanewasthat?Icriedmywaythrough
eatingatubofyogurt,unsureifthetastewasplainorfruitorgoat’sturd.Diditmatter?
No.
Don’tgooutside,hey?Iwentupstairspastmydemolishedlivingroomandshowered,
dressed,andpackedforthemeeting.
Briefcaseinhand,Iwalkeddowntothegarage.Whatwasinthebriefcase?Ihadn’ta
clue.I’dforgottenand,knowingmypastlapsesofmemory,maybeIshouldn’tlook.Itwas
probablyfulltothebrimwithseveredfingers.WhyhadIthoughtthat?Frightenedof
myself,Iraisedmyhands,briefcaseswingingfromone.Myheartrateranamok.
Istaredandcountedmydigits.Myfocusjumpedfromonetothenext,tothenext.I
wentbackandlookedagain.Justtobecertain.Nolopped-offbits.Nostumps.
Fuck.Thankgod.Theywereallstillthere.
Alltheway,thelongdrive,Ipondered.
WhatwasIgoingtosaytotheboard?Ididn’tdoit?
Itseemedasifdoingthingsthatrequiredthoughtkeptmefunctioning.Driving
seemedtoworkatkeepingmelevelled,thoughparkingintheundergroundparkscaredthe
helloutofme.Walkingtotheelevatorwasanexerciseinterror.Iwasstilloneamida
cold,desertedparkingarea.Theechoes,thefeel,thefaintsmellsofpetrolandoildown
here,weresoreminiscent.Thecriesandmoans,theslapsandgruntscamebacktome.My
palmsandscalpprickledwithsweat.
Iwasguilty,soguilty.Thiswasmylife,goingdownthedrain,siftingthroughmy
fingers,andIhadnodefense.
They’drustleduptheboardmembersfast.
Thesecretarynoddedatme,withadeer-in-headlightslookinhereyes.WhatmustI
looklike?WhenIwalkedintherewerefiveprofessorswaiting,sittingonchairs,inanice,
neatline.
Firingsquadtime.
IknewIwasmerelygoingthroughthemotions.AnoverheadTVwassetupandI
couldseethesecurityfootageonpause.
“Afternoon,MissBrown.”ProfessorBoad,hiswhitebeardlookingregal,twitchedhis
mouthandindicatedtheoneunoccupiedseat.“Pleasesit.Ithoughtitbesttoshowthis
footagefirst,sothatweallknowwherewestand.”
Inoddedandsat.
WhatwasIwearing?Iglanceddownandsawjeansandashirt.Notgreat,butgood
enough.Atleastmybriefcase,whereI’dpercheditonthefloor,wasn’tleakingblood.
“Iapologizeforthecrudityinthisfilm,MissBrown.”Hehalfsmirked.“Butwe’ve
identifiedoneoftheparticipantsasyou.Thesecurityfootageincorridorspriortothis,the
guardonduty,andthekeycardevidenceallsayyouwerepresent.Yourcarshowsinthe
footage.Ifthisisn’tyou,weneedproof.Ifitisyou.”Hestrokedhisbeardandthetwo
othermenandtwowomennoddedorlookedstern,ifred-faced.“It’sverylikelywewill
needtoterminateyourtenure.”
Ibet.Inodded.Ididn’tthinkIcouldspeakagainwithoutchoking.
HepressedplayandIsattherewatching,mystomachchurning,tryingnottovomit.
Thefiringsquadwentmuchasexpected.
Theysackedme.Iwalkedout,wentdowntheelevator,andsaidgoodbyetomypast.
I’dnevergetemploymentatauniversityagain.
Wewon’tpresscriminalchargesonanyparticipantsinvolvedinthisdisgustingaffair
ifyouagreetodismissalwithoutdefendingyourselfinanyway.
Ishould’veprotestedthat.WhatachancetogetReubenupbeforeacourt.Public
indecency?Probably.AndI’dfoundIcouldn’t.Mytonguehadseizedup,likealways.
Myfuturewasbecomingdarkerandnarrower,momentbymoment.
Iwasinthatcompactor,garbage-disposalthingwithHanSoloandLuke.Thewalls
wereclosinginandIhadnoonetoturnanyofthisoff.
Reubenwasright.Lifewasn’tworthliving.Mychesthurt.Guessmyhearthadbeen
beatingtoohardfortoolong.
MylifeflickeredpastinfitsandstartswhereIawokethenforgot,thenawoke…
FivefortythreePM.Soonitwouldbenight.
Itriedstill.Itriedhard.Butthreenightslater,Iwasontheroofofatallbuilding,
swaying.Downpastmylegswastheedgewheremybaretoeswriggled.Pastthatwasa
lotofairandthenthestreetbelowfulloflittlepeopleandlightsandcars.Tinycars.The
briefcasesatontheedge,besidemyfoot.
Thiswaspublic,wasn’tit?Itwouldcount.
ThewindpushedmeforwardandIswayedsomemore,feelinggiddy.
Ishouldn’tbehere.Iknewthat.Therewasapartofmescreamingstepback,way
downdeepinside.
Icouldstepofforstepback.
OnewayReubenwon,theotherway,whodid?Me?WouldIeverlosethisneedtodie
thathe’dimplanted?I’djustbeuphereagaintomorrow.
“Maybe.”Iwhisperedthat,andbarelyheardthewordoverthewindhummingabout
myears.
Awhimperfrombehindmademeturntolook.Ashaggy,graymongrelslinkedacross
theflatrooftopandstoodpantingayardaway.
Adog.
Areminderoflifebeyondthisdarknessthathadme.
Iblinked,feelingaminisculeneedswirlin–thebeginningofatrailofcards,of
string,ofmemoriesthatledmeto…
Lowermyselfandpickupthebriefcase.
Life,evenoneextrasecondoflife,drewmeasmuchasdeathbeckoned.Iclicked
openthecaseandwasalmosttoolatetograbthesquareofpaperinsidebeforeitblew
away.Itwasaphoto,lyingfacedownward.
Iturneditover,slowly,anditfluttered,strugglingtogetaway.SinceIhadthisnotion
itwasimportant,Ipinnedthephotobetweenfingerandthumb.
Whatwasthis?Somehow,eventhefirstglimpseofcolorintheoverheadlight,gave
mebackapieceofme.
Iwassoclosetodeath,thatthesmallestchunkoflifewasasjuicy,exuberant,and
fertileasasliceoforange.Bitedownonthis,saidthephoto.
Pelagia.
ThiswasapictureofMisterBlack’sdog,Pelagia.Withthesightofher,standingthere
inthebrightsunshineofGreece,allshaggy-hairedandpanting,andsmilinginthat
dumbassdoggyway,hopecamerushingback.Therewasalittlecrackinthemonstrous
wallcreatedbyReubenandI’dfounditsomehow.
Iclungtothatnotionwithalloftheworn-downfacultiesofmyrecentlydisintegrated
mind.
Ididn’tknowthewhyorthefactsorthemechanism,butI’dfoundacrack.
Sobbing,clutchingthephoto,Iloweredmyselfandsatdownwithmybacktothe
concreteparapet.
Hesitantly,thedogcreptcloser.Specksofrainpatteredonmyhandsandthephoto
whereIheldituptothelight.
This,Pelagia,waspossible.Lifewas.
Ineededtostopbeingastupid,complacentbitch.
Icoulddothisagain,Icouldlive.Ibitdownonmylipandfeltthepain,tastedthe
blood,andIwashappy.
Waggingitstail,thedognudgedatmyhand.
“Hello,”IcroakedthenIpattedher.“Howdidyougetuphere?”
ShesatonherhaunchessoakingupthepatsIcontinuedtogiveher,stayingwithme
despitethestrengtheningrain.Ituckedthephotoaway.Irememberedleavingthedoor
proppedopenwhenI’dcomeuphere,asifafraidIwouldn’tbeabletoopenitagainand
leave.Eventhen,itseemedI’dhopedImightnotjump.
Somethinginmewantedlife.
Ifocusedonthat,IcurledimaginaryfingersaroundthatconceptandIdidnotletitgo.
Iwouldkeepthisnewneedforlife.ItwasaseedfromwhichIcouldgrowmyfuture.
“Youseemwellfedandyou’revery,veryfriendly.Youmusthaveanowner,”Itold
thedog.“Maybeyoushouldgohomebeforeyougettoowet?”
Afterafewlicksatmyhand,shetrottedofftowardthedoor.
Ididn’tneedheranymore,butIwassothankful.Ifshe’dnotbeenhere,wouldIhave
rememberedthebriefcase?HadMisterBlackplantedthephotoonmesomehow?Itried
hardandcaughtglimpsesinmymindofmeremovingthephotofromhiswalletasItook
themoney.
Mydoing.Iwantedittobemine,notsomecreepyinstructionofhis.
Ineededthistobemyaction,notanyoneelse’s.Irememberedsittinginhishotel
roomstaringatthephotoofPelagialikeshewassomesortakey.
Hadmyinstinctivefascinationwiththatphotomadethispossible?Idearlyhopedso.
Thepicturehadledmedownmymemories,likeatrailofdominoesfalling–one,
thentheotherthenthenext.
WhatReubenhadinflictedonmewouldnevergoawaycompletelybutIcouldclimb
aboveitandsurvive.WaterrandownmyfacebutIwassmiling.
TherainpeteredoutandIstayedthere,onlysittingontheedge.Withmylegs
dangling,Iwasadmiringtheviewandmarvelingatbeingalive,whenanewexultant
feelingcreptuponme.ThefeelingwastodowithReuben.Iexploreditascarefullyasone
wouldprobetherawsocketwhereabadtoothusedtobe.
Nothingwasthere.
Reuben…
Wasgone…
Fromthisworld.
Hewasdead.Doornaildead.Deadparrotdead.Iwasmakinginternaljokesabouta
oncealivehumanbeingandIdidn’tcareonejot.
IknewIwasrightwiththesuretyofsomeonewho’dbeenaway,journeyingfarfrom
theircountry,descendingthestepsoftheirplane,thenstompingtheirfeetonthetarmac
andknowingtheywerehome.
“I’mfree!”Iscreamedthatone,andwavedmyarmswildlywhilegrinning.Who
caredwhoknewIwascrazy?Dancinginthemoonlightmightcomenext.
I’dpossessedanawarenessofhimandithadwanedsuddenly.Ihadn’tbeenawareof
myawarenessuntilitvanished.Sostrange.Yettheassholewasterminated.Bywhom?
Grimm?
AnothertendrilofawarenesssneakedinsidemeandIlookeddown.Reuben’sdeath
hadperhapsawokenanewsense?Anothermesmerseemedclose.
Onlythisonedidn’tinstillfearinme.Therewasalonging.
WasMisterBlackdownthereinthestreet?
Idrewupmylegsandswungtotheside.Longing?Ishutmyeyes.Yes,itwastrue.
Didn’tmakeanydifference.IwasfreeofoneofthemandIwasn’tabouttoletthisother
onemakemehisweapon.
Ifhisdeathwasn’taninnocentaccident,Ineededanalibi.Iwaitedforasafemoment
andknockedthebriefcaseofftheparapet.Peoplenoticed.
Whentheycameforme,itwasn’tdifficulttosummonbacksomeofthesadnessI’dso
recentlyshed.Ihadtotakecare,infact,thatIdidn’tletitoverwhelmmeagain.Standing
ontheedgeandactingsuicidalforthemwasn’tallact.Mylifewouldforeverbea
minefield.
WhenIsteppeddownintoawoman’sarms,myheartwasthudding.
TheytookmeawayandIfoundIwasgratefulforthedrugstostaveoffdepression.I
madesuretokeepthephotoclose.
Forthemoment,thiswasmykeytosanity.Iguesstheysawthatbecausetheyletme
keepitundermypillowandinmypocket–anywhereIwentinthatwardforcrazy
people.
Chapter29
Grimm
WiththerecognitionofZorie’sscratchedwordonthebenchhadcomebothtriumphand
doubt.IdidknowpeoplewhoknewpeoplebutIhadn’tbeensurehowmuchIcouldget
themtodoforme.
Lots,itseemed.
Overtheyears,whileIwasabouncer,I’dbecomeacquaintedwithseveralbiker
gangs,andsomeofthemknewmealreadyfromTom’sdaysasanenforcer.Hewasa
toughbastardandthewayhe’dbeentakenoutbyateenagerhadbecomeabitofalegend.
Alaughablelegend,butstill,hewasremembered.WhenItoldthemwhatIneededdone,
thewordhadbeenpassedalong,fast.Ihadmyanswerinaday,handedoverhalfthecash
thenext.
Theresultswereinmyhand.
“Satisfied?”Thesharp-toothedgrinfromRacksaidheknewIhadtobe,orelse.The
vidonthedisposablephonewasincriminatingevidenceand,ifshownincourt,we’dall
godownfortwentyyears.“Ineedtomakethatphonetoast.Seenit?Payuptheotherten
K,Grimm.”
“Sure.”
ThecashwasfromatimewhenI’dventuredintosmalldeals,likedeliveringillegal
goodsordrivingboostedcarstoaddressesthatIneveraskedfordetailson,becauseI
knewthecarswerestolen.Ileftthemandgotpaid.Itwascashthat’dmademefeeldirty
whenmakingitthentoodirtytospend,soI’dkeptitaside.Sometimesinlife,youjust
knowyou’redoingsomethingwrong,orIhadanyway.IfiguredhelpingZoriewasthe
bestreasonI’devergettouseit.She’dberichashellnowandcouldrepaymeifshe
wanted,thoughshehadn’ttoldmetospendmyillicitsavingsonher.Thathadbeenmy
decision.Anymanwhowouldhypnotizeandrapeawoman,likeReubenhad,deservedto
die.Bastard.
“Onelastlook,”ImurmuredandIpressedplay.Thelightwasdimbutsomewherein
thecityatnight.Notnearaclub,I’dbet,asthosewouldhavecameras.“Didthisjust
happen?”
“Closetoit.Freshnews.NoonewillbeID’d.Notrailsleadingfromthattomeorto
you,exceptthatvideo.”Racksniffedhardandwaited,legsspread,asolidmaninjeans
andshirt,maybetryingtolookincognito.Peoplewalkedpastthiswallwestoodnearand
noticedneitherofus.Thiswasasidestreetinthecitywithnothingspecialaboutit.
Thevidreachedthetimewhenithappened.Sixmenwalkedpastthreeothermen,
bumpingthem,surroundingthemandwhentheyleft,threelayontheground.Knives,I’d
guess.Somethingdarkpooledunderoneofthebodies.
“Ican’ttellwhoitwas.”
“It’llbeonthenewstomorrow,ifnottonight.TheyID’dhim,onehundredpercent
fromthecarregoandphotos.”
Still,Ihesitated.
“Ifyoucan’ttrustme,whocanyoutrust,man?”Rackraisedhisbrows.
True.Whenmystepbrother,Tom,haddied,thisman,andsomeoftheotherbikers,
hadhelpedMumgetbackonherfeet.Hewasacrossbetweengoodandbad,likemost
people.
“Okay.”Igavehimtheplasticbags.Average,supermarket-variety,graybags,only
theydidn’thavecansofdogfoodinthem.“Thanks.”
“Noworries.”Hetookthephonefrommeandremovedthesimcardthendroppedit
andthedisemboweledphoneintoacoffeecuphecarried.Whateverthefuckwasinthere,
itsteamed.“Alldone.Givemeacallwheneveryouneedthingsdone.Justnotfora
while.”
Thenhewalkedawaywithhisfauxcoffeeandhisbagsofmoneytoanondescript
blacksedan.
Iwatchedhimdrivesedatelydownthestreet.
Therewentmyinnocence.Cuemocklaughter.TomhadalwaysassertedIwasbad
underneath,likehim,butIfiguredthiswasmebeinggood.
Reubenandhismenhaddeservedtodie.Theywerefacedowninthedust,orinthe
morguebynow.Asaresult,IhadZorieinmydebt.Oncethefussblewover,Icouldmove
inonher,gettherelationshipaliveagain.Ilikedheralotandshe’dlikedme.Whata
complexwomanshewas;itmadethepastseemedlessrelevant.
IguessI’dsensedfromthestartthatshewassomething,someone,special.She’d
intriguedmefromthatfirstday,yearsago,whenI’dseenZorinaBrownonthelecture
timetable.I’dtoldmyselftoavoidher,butafterawhilemycuriosityandmyattractionto
herhadoverwhelmedmyreluctance.Thereweren’ttoomanypeopleintheworldwith
thatfirstname.EvenlesswithBrownastheirlast.Fromdayone,I’dknownithadtobe
her.
Chapter30
Zorie
Iwasn’tquitecrazyanymore,Ithink,buttheykeptmeinthepsychwardanyway.
ForadayIwasevaluatedandkeptonsuicidewatch–followedbystaffwhereverI
went–beforetheydaredtotellmeReuben,myhusband,wasdead.Iguessthat’swhat
happenswhentheythinkyou’reoffthedeependalready.Itriedhardnottobreakintoa
grin.I’dbeenright.Myfeelinghadbeenright.MadocandDirkeweredeadtoo,though.I
hadn’texpectedthatandwonderedifthathadbeenaccidental.Ifonpurposeitwas
disturbing,nomatterhowmuchIappreciatedthembeinggone.Ididn’tfeelanyremorse.
Whatthey’ddonetomehadbeenterribleonanyscale.They’dwantedmedead.Aneye
foraneye.
Thepsychwardatthehospitalvariedfrompeoplewanderingaboutsayingmantras
androckingincorners,toquiettimes,longquiettimes,andloadsofgroupsessions.So
boring.Theykeptmeinastrictlysegregatedbeduntilthepoliceweredonewiththeirfirst
interview.Fromthetoneofvoiceandthequestionsasked,thepolicewereacombination
ofpuzzled,concerned,andsuspicious.
Sandrawastheonlyfriendwhocametovisitme.NotGrimm,certainlynotanyofmy
otheruniversityfriends.Wetalked,thoughsheskirtedanythingthatmightberelatedto
myex-marriageorthesexcapadeattheundergroundcarpark.Thestrainshowedinher
eyes.Thatshewouldevencometothewardtouchedme.
AtlastItookherhand.“Sandra.I’mfine.Really.I’mnotascrazyastheythink.
Reubenwasnotanicemananditwas…fortuitousthathewaskilled,really.”
Iprayedshedidn’thaveapolicewireonher,orwhatevertheyusednowadays,
becausethatsoundedalittleincriminating.
“Okay.Look,Zorie.”Shefrownedatmybarefeetforamomentasiftherewere
answersdownthere.“Peopletoldmenottocomeseeyou,butIbelieveinyou.Whatever
happened,Iknowitwasn’tyourfault.Okay?”
“Yes.”IclearedmythroatwhileIfumbledfortherightwords.“I’mveryluckyto
havesomeonehonestandloyallikeyouare.Really.”Afewtearswereshedbutitwastrue
andwhatshe’dsaidhadhelpedme.
Sandraonlygrimacedandheldmyhandtighter.IthinkIembarrassedher.Iimagine
thatwasacommonreactionwhenvisitingapsychunit.
She’dhighlightedwhatIneededtoremember.Notmyfault.Notme.Iclungtothat
whenrealdepressionsidledinandgotmedown.Thereweredayslikethat.Iguessthat
wastobeexpected.Mylifehadbeenshredded,crushed,andflusheddownthetoilet.
Gatheringthepiecesandstickingthembackthewaytheyhadbeenwasimpossible.
Ontheveryeveofmydischarge,thepoliceaskedmesomemorepointedquestions.
Dayshadpassedby,maybeaweekortwo.Timehadbecomeabitsquidgy.Iwasn’t
normalevenifIwasnormal-lerthanmostinthere.HowcouldIbe?
Reuben’slastwifehadsuicidedunderunusualcircumstances,thestern-facedcoptold
me,afteronlytwomonthsofmarriagetohim,andthepolicehadhadsuspicionsaboutmy
mentalstatewhenneighborshadcomplainedofstrangesmashingnoisescomingfrommy
terracehouse.
“Oh.”Ileanedforward.“Really?”
“Really.Whenaconstablechecked,youcametothedoorandsaidyouwerefine.He
didlookthroughawindowpriortoknockingonyourdoor,andreportedthatyourhouse
wasinastatethatcouldonlybedescribedaswrecked.”
“Ah-huh.”Ihadn’tthefuckingtiniestmemoryofthis.“And?”
“Wecouldn’tdomoreatthetime.Nooneexceptyouseemedatrisk,andyoudenied
it.”
Inodded.“Iwasupsetatcertainthings.”
“Yes.Theuniversityinformedusofthosethings.Yourlatehusbandwasinvolved?”
Imust’velookedshocked.
“WebelievehewasID’dfromthevideo?”Themansatback.Perhapsthinkinghewas
jeopardizingmymentalhealth?
“Ididn’tknowthat.”
“Ittriggeredalertsduetoprevioussuspectedincidents.Nevermind.”Heshookhis
head.“Thankyouforyourstatementandyourtime.Ibelieveyou’rebeingreleased
today?”
They’dknownaboutReuben?He’dbeenonsomesortofwatchlist?
They’dknown.
“Iam.”
Thatconcludedthecopinterview.Itleftmestunned.They’dknownReubenwas
dangerousandyetthereI’dbeeninhisgraspforweeksandnoonehadwarnedme.
PerhapsIwasjumpingtoconclusionsbutitseemedlogical.Iguesstheycouldn’tact
withoutconcreteproofandtheycertainlycouldn’tgoaroundaccusinghim.
Mypsychiatristwasthefinalhurdleaftertheotherstaffhadcompletedtheir
assessments.Wesatonchairsinmyroomwhileshewentthroughtheprocedure.Iwaited
forherpromptsandansweredquestionswhiletryingtolookcheerfulandsane.She
appearedunconvincedthatasuicidalpatientcouldrecoversofast.ThereasonsforthatI
couldn’tdivulge,soIactedashappyasawifeminusanewhusbandmightbe.Duringmy
stay,I’dsometimesbrokenoutintotearsandtrembling,whichwould’vereinforcedmy
act.Apitythatpartwasreal.
Finally,shesatback,placedherbiroonherneatwhitenotepad,andlookedatme.
Iwasn’tsureofhernameandthenamebadgewasaskew.SusanSlade?SueBlade?
Whoknew?Shehadsaid.Igaveupontryingtoreaditandsmiled.
“Yes.IamfeelingasifIcouldcopewithlifeagain.I’vehadnoseriousproblems
sinceIcamein,youknowthis.”
Shedrummedherfingersslowlyonthepaper.“You’regoingtobereleasedtoday,
Zorina.”
Alwaysthepropername.
“Yes.”
“Makesureyoukeepuptheprescriptionuntilitrunsout.”
Inodded.
“You’llbedueforacheckupinoneweek.”
Inoddedagain,prayingthiswouldallgofast.
ThegovernmentsystemmeantthoseoflowpriorityweredischargedASAP.Though
inaprivatehospital,Iwashavingthebasicchargescovered.Ihadbecomeoneofthoseof
lowpriority,evenifshehadsuspicions.
“Ihavesuspicionsthatyou’ve…”
Knewit.
“…beengamingthesystemsomehow.You’veneverbeentrulyill,haveyou,Zorie?”
Wow.Iwaswrong.
“I–”
“Iapologize.Disregardthat.”
Mouthopen,Inodded.Notherapistevershouldsaywhatshejusthad,surely?Tsk.
Someonewasjadedbyyearsofwork.Ididn’tblameher,though.Iwasn’ttheaverage
personreadytoslitherveins.I’dratherslitsomeoneelse’s,mostdays.Onlymyprime
targetwasgone.
Iwasfeelingcheated,Irealized.IwishedIcould’vebeentheonetoknifehim,tosee
himbleed.Ishookmyselfoutofmyreverie.Acttoostrangeandmaybethiswoman
woulddecidetokeepmeinherelonger.
“Hmmm.Normallywe’dmakesureyouhadsupportwhenyouarrivehome.Your
sisterisgoingtobethere,butitsaysherflightisdelayedandshe’snotarrivingforafew
hours,andthatshe’sonlyhereforthreedays?”
“Yes.”Ishrugged.“Shehaskids.It’snoteasyforher.Shecertainlycan’tstaylong.”
“Okay.I’llgethertotellmewhenshearrives,though.Afterthat,I’dlikehertohelp
youorganizeforanotherpersontosupportyou.”
“Sure.”
GoinghomeandseeingAmeliaagainwould’vebeenahugecauseforcelebration
beforethis.Thatshe’donlyskypedwithmewhileIwashere…alittledisappointingbutI
understood.Mymarriagehadbeenoutoftheblue.Thathe’dthendiedandI’dendedupin
apsychunitwould’veastoundedherbutthatdidn’tmeanshecoulddropeverythingon
thespot.Herhusbandworkedonoilrigsoverseasand,withthreeyoungkidstowrangle,
comingtoSydneywouldbeahugeundertaking.
Herunhappinessatnotbeingabletocomeseemehadbeenclearwhenwe’dtalked.
Thatconnectionhadbeenenoughforme.I’dreassuredherthatIwasonthemend
anyway.
“Goodluck,Zorie.”MySusanBlade,psychiatristextraordinaire,shuffledsome
paperworkandblessedmewithaneatsmile.
“Thankyou.”Thatwasgenuine.Iroseandheldoutmyhandtobeshaken.
Surprisingly,shetookit.
“Youtoo.Ilearned,watchingyou.You’reaperfectcaseof–”Shehalted,obviously
caughtbytherealizationthatshe’dnearlycrossedthatpatient,doctorlineagain.
“Notaproblem.Ienjoyedmystay.”
I’dhavesetbackadvancesinsuicidepreventionbydecades,ifshe’dusedmeasatest
case.BecauseIwascuredwasn’tI?
Goinghomewasashealthyassmashingmyfaceintobricks.
Yeah,Iwasn’tnormal.Icouldn’tfacecleaningupmyhouse.Themessinthere…
Steppinginthefrontdoorhadpanicclimbingupthroughmythroatinseconds,piling
higher,higher,untilIhadtostepoutsideandshutthedoororscream.
Fuck.EvenindeathReubenwasdoinganumberonme.
I’dwaitforAmelia,somewhereelse.Thepark,ofcourse.IthinksubconsciouslyI
neededtoseethatparkbenchagainandtolookforclues.HaditbeenGrimm?Wasthat
seriouslypossible?Andifnothim,whohaddoneit?
Mybenchwasnolongerinviolable.Someonehaddecidedthesmallgraffitineeded
embellishingandtheentirebenchhadbeendestroyed,asifbyasledgehammer–warped
andbentoutofshape,withtheslatssprunglooseatoneend.Thecouncilhadbuilta
temporaryplasticsafetyfencearoundittowarnparentstokeepchildrenaway.
“Damn,”Imurmured,butIwalkedcloserandhoppedoverthefence.Thoughthe
paintworkwascompletelygoneinsomeplaces,nexttowhereI’dwrittenKILLeRthere
wasanothersmallword.
done
Wellthen.ThatseemedtopointabigredarrowatGrimmHeller.Who’dhavethought
it?Ihad,andyetIhadn’t,quite,believedit.SoGrimmwasmyhero?Iwanteddearlyto
plantamedalontheguy.Ishouldn’tgonearhimthough,notuntilthemurder
investigationfaded.
Inafogofinternalreflection,Iwalkedslowlybacktomyhouse,whereIsatdownto
wait.Neverjudgeabookbyitscover,oramanbyhistattoos,hishistoryasabouncer,
andhissomewhatdominantmaleaura?Orname.Grimmwasamanofmanytalents.
Murderwasone.
WhatshouldIthinkofamanwhocouldorganizeamultiplehitwithinafewdays?
Thathehadn’tcometocollectapoundofflesh;thathe’dsimplyperformedasIaskedhim
to–thatmustbeinhisfavor?
Awordscratchedintoabenchwasn’tabsoluteevidence.Maybeitwasn’thim.
“Zorie?”
I’dbeensoimmersedinsittingonthesidesteps,thinking,andhuggingmykneesthat
Ihadn’theardhertaxipullup.
Iswungaround.“Amelia?”
“Yes!”Shedroppedhersmallsuitcase.
Thegirlwaslookingpretty,withherdarkauburnhairinashoulder-lengthcutthat
managedtoshowhercurlsoffasneatyetwild.Iwasn’tsurehowshedidthat.Ireturned
herhug,amazedathownarrowherwaistwasbeneaththelinendress.
“Thankyousomuchforcoming.”
“Notaproblem.I’mgettingyouhappybeforeIleave.Hopeyouknowthat?”
“Sure.”Ihuggedheragain,smilingwithmychinonhershoulder.“Absolutely.”
Ameliadidherbest.
Wecleanedupthehouse,boughtnewstufftoreplacetheold.Cookedmeals,
reminiscedovereverythingexceptmyrecenteventsbecauseshefigureditwasbestfor
me,andshewasright.I’dhadenoughofpeopleexaminingwhathadhappened–notthat
mytonguewouldworkwhenitcametothedeepertruths.Ismiledoverhermanypictures
ofherfamilythoughIachedinsidetoseehowwellherlifehadworkedout.Evenbefore
Reuben,minehadbeenstagnant.ExceptforGrimm…I’dalmostmadesomethinghappen
there.
Mysisterwasawhirlwindofenergycomparedtome,butthreedayswasatiny
amountoftimewhenyou’rebustedupinside.
Aspredicted,threedaysfromwhenshearrived,Iwavedgoodbyetoherattheairport
andturnedawaytogofindmycar.
WhowasInow?WhathadIbecome?Ihadafewmorepillstotake,butafterthatthe
structurewasgone.MybodywasfeelingthefatigueofnotunderstandingwhereIwould
berestingmyheadinayear’stime.
IcametotheconclusionthatgoingtopsychhadbeenexactlywhereIshould’vegone,
butnowitwastimetohaulmyselfupbymybootstraps…whateverthosewere.
I’dtoldSusanBladeandAmeliathatSandrawasgoingtocomeoverregularly,but
shewasn’t.Iwasn’tsomeonesheshouldassociatewith.Thoughmyorgyhadn’tendedup
onYouTube,sometextmessagesI’dreceivedhadconfirmedgossipwascirculating.
Beingthegoodfriendofapsychoslut,asIgatheredIwasbeingcalled,wasthelastthing
Sandraneeded.
So,mynexthelperwasn’twhoI’dthoughtitwouldbe.Whichshouldhavebeenno
one.
OnthesamestepsI’dsatonwaitingforAmelia,wasabigmanwithtattoos.Grimm
Hellerawaitedme.
Facinghimwas…scary.Hewasthepast,whileIwantedtoaimforthefutureand,I’d
neverbeenthreefeetawayfromamultiplemurdererbefore.
Ifhe’ddoneit?
Hemusthave.
Withmygraffiti,I’dbeggedhimtokillReuben,butseeinghimnow,knowinghe’d
carriedthrough?Itwastheweirdestfeelingofdislocation.
Themanwaslikelivingevidenceofmyguilt,myhorrificpast,myfailure,andhewas
mysaviortoo.
IstillwishedI’ddoneit.Wouldithavescarredmeforlife?Probably.WouldIhave
dieddoingit?Verylikely.Itwasadreambutadreamthatleftmewrestlingwiththe
conceptthatthiswasstillunfinishedbusiness.I’dalwaysregardedclosureasacoolbuzz
word.NowIknew.
ClosureformewasputtingabulletinReuben’sheadoraknifeinhisheart.
Iwasnevergoingtogetthat,wasI?
Chapter31
“Therearedarknessesinlifeandtherearelights,andyouareoneofthelights,thelight
ofalllights.”-BramStoker
Grimm
Mytheoryhadgonesomethinglike–don’tgoseeZorieforamonthorsobecausethe
policemightbewatchingher,andiftheyseemenearher,theymightwatchme,andthen
somehowputthefactstogether.Thewrenchinmycarefulplanhadbeenthrownby
SandratellingmehowmiserableZoriehadbeenandthenthatshethoughtnoonewas
goingtobearoundtohelphergetovertheblues.
Morethananyoneelse,IthinkIunderstoodwhyZoriewasupset,anditwasn’t
becausealovinghusbandwasdead.Itwasbecauseofwhathe’dmadeherdoandhow
he’dwreckedherlife.Universitybegansoonbutinthemeantime,Iwasfreetogosay
hello.Ifsheletmegetcloserthanthat,bigwin.I’dbehappy.Ifnot,Icouldjustbe
someoneforhertoleanonuntilshewasreadyformore.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”Hersmilelitupthesurroundings,andsincewewereoutinthesunonherfront
patiothatwassomethingelse.Bluedressthatswirledandclungtohershape,littleshoes
onherfeet,andthatredswirlofhairtocompleteherlook.Zoriehadabeautifullookall
herown,evenwhenthatsmilecollapsed.
“Needahug?”Istoodupslowlyandmadenoadvances,justwaitedtoseeifitwas
agreeable.“Nostringsattached.Justthoughtyoucoulddowithone.”
Thoughshesuckedherlipin,thenshenoddedandthatmouthquirkedasifshemight
cryanysecond.Iheldoutmyarmsandshecarefullycameforwardandrestedherarms
aroundme.
Ifeltandheardhersigh.
“Thankyou.Ineedahug.”
“Yeah.”Ijusthuggedhertooandsqueezedheralittlenowandthenuntilshestepped
away.
“Youdogreathugs.”
Inodded.“Anytime.IcamebybecauseIheardyouweregoingtobealoneand…I
reallythink,consideringeverything…”Iwastryingtohintwithoutbeingexact.Ireally
hadnoideaifthecopsmightsomehowbewatchingusorhadbuggedherhouse.Itjust
wasn’tagoodideatoslipup.
“Consideringeverything,yes.”Againwiththatruefulsmile.“Ihatetoadmitit,but
youwereright.Ifyouweren’there,I’dbecollapsedinacornerrightnow.”
Iactuallyhadn’tthoughtshe’dbethatbad.Zorieoftenseemedstrongontheoutside.
“Haveyouhadlunchyet?Howaboutwegetsomethingtoeat?”
“Sure.Iwaswondering,though,ifwecouldgoforawalkfirst?There’saparkdown
theroad.”
Whatwassheupto?WasIfinallygoingtogetthewholestory?She’dhavetotellme
sometimeandacaféwasabitpublic.Foroncewecouldbothsitonthatbenchtogether
andtalk.
“Comeon.”Shebeckonedandhalfskippeddownthesteps,herassswayingunder
thatdress,hercalfmusclesalltonedandmakingmewanttorunmyhandsupunderher
dress.
Damn.Shewasill.Ineededtoquietdownandstopthinkingofkissingheronthat
parkbench.
Wewouldbeclosethough,ascloseasthathugwhich,ifIwashonest,hadalmost
givenmeahard-onallbyitself.Ifshedidn’tgetbetterfast,Iwasgoingtohaveapairof
blueballs.
Chapter32
Zorie
HuggingGrimmhadbeenlikehuggingabigbrother.NotthatIhadabrother,butIcould
guess.Ithadfeltcompletelyplatonic.I’dstoodtheremoldedtohim,tohissolidmale
body,withmyarmswrappedaroundhim.Awonderfulpeacehadsettledintome,fillingin
thecracksinmyanarchiclife.Onelong,wonderfulmomentbeforeI’dslowlyawokenas
tohowdifferentthiswastowhenI’dbeenwithhiminthecafé.Nosexualappeal,no
tinglystirringsinmybody.
Zip.Zero.Nothing.
Maybeitwasjustthetrauma?Itprobablywas.Isimplyneededtimetofigureout
myself.
Theplasticfencewasstillaroundthebench.Iguessthecouncilneededtoorderina
newoneandschedulethework,andsoon.
“Wow.Someonedidanumberonthis.Parkbenchrage?”
“Yeah.”I’dactuallywonderedifhe’ddestroyedittotrytogetridoftheevidenceof
meorganizingthehit.Aludicrousidea,Isuppose.Whatwe’dscratchedcouldneverbe
evidenceunlesssomeonehadfilmedusdoingourgraffitieachandeveryday
IclimbedoverthelopsidedbarrierandhopedGrimmwouldfollow.Sayinganything
preciseaboutReubenormesmersstillwouldn’tgetpastsomebottleneckinmymind.
HowdidIaskifhe’dkilledReuben?IputmyfingeronwhereitsaidKILLeRandlooked
athim.
Henoddedthenquietlysaid,“Yeah.Whoeverdidallthismust’vedonethisvandalism
too.Thenheleanedoverandputhisfingernearwhereminehadbeenandheunderlined
done.
Iswearmyheartskippedabeat.GrimmhadkilledReuben.
“Jesus,”Iwhispered.Ittookmeafewsecondsofstaringintohiseyestoground
myselfagain.Ifhewasakillerbyproxy,andIwasfairlysurehe’dnotdonethis
personally,hewasstillamanwho’driskedalotmoretohelpmethananyoneelseIcould
thinkof.
Ireachedupandputmyarmsaroundhisnecktohughim.Heturneditintoakiss.
Embarrassing,butIstuckwithit.Ilethimkissmeandtoywithmylips,untilhepulled
awaywithhisarmsstillembracingme.Hesearchedmyface,lookingforsomepassion,I
suppose.Thenheletmego.
“Sorry.I’mpushingthistoofast.”
“It’sokay,”Isaidquietly.“IthinkI’mstillnumbinside.I’mverygratefulforyour
help,Grimm.Iwouldratheryoubeherethananyoneelse.Anyone.”Itwastrue.Evenmy
sisterhadmademefeelshockinglydirtyandstupidattimes.She’dbeentolddetails,I’d
foundout.SomeofthoseI’dneverhavesaidtoher.
Grimmnoddedthenhelpedmeoverthebarrieranddrewmebymyhandtoward
anotherparkbenchfurtheraroundthelake.Notours,Ithought,aswesat,butit’ddo.
Thewater,thefriendlyducksthatwereflyingacrossthewatertowardus,splashing
andquackingindignantly,becausetheyobviouslythoughtwehadbread,andthebluesky
above–ithelpedmebreathedeepandrelax.
Ifnothingignitedbetweenus,everagain,ifIcouldn’tfeelanythingmorethan
friendship,Iwascertainhe’dbepoliteandgiveup.Grimmwasthatsortofman.
HoweverMisterBlackwasdifferent.
Grimmengulfedmyhandinhis.“It’snicehere.I’mtakingyoutoanicemovie
tonighttoo.Youneedtofigureoutnormalagain.”
Adate?Alow-keyonethough.“Whichone?”
“ZombiechicksonMars?”
Isnortedandgiggled.Hesqueezedmyhand.
“Stillcan’ttalkaboutyouknowwhat?”
TheclampcamedownonmyheadandIblankedforasecond.
Shit.
“No.”
Hegrunted.“Mightbeforthebest.Justremember,it’sovernow.Noonecanhurt
you.Wantsomegoodnews?Idon’tknowifanyonehasmentionedthistoyouyet,butI
knowalecturerinlawwhowhisperedthistome.”
“What?”Iwastotallypuzzled.HemeantSandra?
“Theysayyou’llinheritallofReuben’smoney.Hehadnorelativesleftthathehadn’t
pissedoff.”
Thatlastwasnotsurprising.
“Hehadnooneclosewhowasrelated.You’regoingtobeadoublefiguremillionaire
atleast.IthinkIjustgaveawaymyreasonforkissingyou.DonotaskmehowIknow
thisorI’llhavetoterminatemyself.”
Isatforwardandturnedtostareathim.“Noway!AndImeannowaytoboth.Itrust
you.”
Hismouthtweakedupwardbutheduckedhisheadafraction.“Thankyou.That
meansalottome.”
“Mmm.”ThenIkissedhimallbymyself.Justasmallkiss.
“So,girl.You’resafe,you’rerich.Youhavegotalottolookforwardto.”
Safe.ExceptforMisterBlack.AndIcouldn’ttellGrimmabouthim.
IblinkedandthoughtaboutpossiblewaystoavoidMisterBlack.He’dsaidhe’dcome
backformeifIsucceededinkillingReuben.Well,Isortofhadachievedthat,ifinavery
roundaboutway.Hemightn’tcareaboutmymethods.WhatcouldIdo?I’dhadenoughof
mentramplingonmywishes.
Ineededacontingencyplan.
TheheatradiatingfromGrimm,hissheerbulknexttome,andknowingthatwhenthe
shithitthefan,hejustkeptongoing…Anideapercolatedthrough.
Damn,maybeIcould?
“Whatwouldyousayif…”Ifrowned.Thiswasaskingalotofhim.
“What?”
“Ioweyou,butIalsoneedabodyguard.Don’task,”Iaddedquickly,hopingtostave
offblankingoutifheaskedthewrongquestion.“Iwouldliketoemployyouforayear.
Onehundredandtwentythousand?Idon’tknowwhatlibrariansmake.”
IfIwasamulti-millionaire,Icouldaffordthis,easily.
Grimmcoughed.“Librarians?Notthatmuch.You’reserious?Notgoingtotellme
whyyoufeelyouneedabodyguard?”
Inibbledonmymouth,feelingthatblockloomingjustthere.“Serious,yes.Andno,I
can’t.”
“Uh-huh.”Hestrokedhisthumboverthetopofmyhandwhilehethought.“Sure.I
candothat–beyourbodyguard.Happily.”Thenarealsmilearrived.“It’spossiblymy
dreamjob.”
“Good.”MisterBlackcouldn’tcoerceGrimm.NowIfeltsafe.Itappedhischest.
“Theotherthing.Us?Icanseeyouwanttoseeifthatwill…”Ipaused,thiswasso
awkward.
“Shhh.We’lltakeeachdayasitcomes.Norush,remember?”
Inodded.
Thenhecapturedmytappinghandandtrappeditagainsthischestwhilestillholding
myotherone.Forasecond,IpanickedbeforeIremindedmyselfthiswasonlyGrimm.
“Great.I’lljustbeyourbodyguard,whogetstokissyounowandthen,andmaybe,
oneday,I’llendupinbedwithyou.”
Thatjarred.Bed.Itwasamentalsteptoofarforme,butIletitslide.Hewasagood
mananditwasprobablyjustme,seeingbadthingswhenitwasnothing.Iwouldbe
awhilebeforeIdidn’tjumpatloudnoisesormenputtinghandsonmeunexpectedly.
Mymindwasashamblesatnight.
IhadawastelandofmemoriesthatIwantedtoscrapeupandpourontoagarbage
heap,soastobedonewiththem.HavingGrimmsharemydaysandbenearbyatnight,it
savedme.Reallyitdid.
Nosex,nopassion,butwewerebothhappytowait.
IhadaneedtoknowforsurethatGrimmhadbeenthepersonwhoorchestrated
Reuben’sdeathbutittookmeweeksbeforeIcouldsayittohim.Notinpublic,ofcourse.
Notathomeeven,justwhileoutforawalkalongBondiBeach.
“Wasityou?Really?Didyoureallydoit?”
Heshotmeadisturbedglancethenlookedaround,asifcheckingnooneelsewas
close.It’dbeensolong.IguessI’dsurprisedhim.
“Reuben?”
“Yes.”Iheldmybreath.Thewavescominginandtheseabreezemadebackground
noiseandIwouldrathernotbreathethanmisshisanswer.Wetookafewmoresteps
beforehestoppedandfacedme,tookbothmyhandsinhis.
“Yes.Iorganizedit.Doyouwanttoknowdetails?”Thenheshookhishead.“Nohard
evidence,justmywords.NothingexiststhatIcanshowyou.”
Wow.DidIwanttohear?
“Zorie?”
Theblood,theguts,thewordshecriedoutashedied?Iknewthewhereandthe
weapons.“Ihatedhimmorethananyoneshouldhateanyone,”Isaidslowly,stillthinking,
andIcametoaconclusionthatsurprisedme.“No.Idon’twanttohear.Ijustneededto
knowforsureitwasyou.”
“Ithoughtasmuch.Ineversawyouassomeonewho’dwanttowallowinthis.It’d
makeyoufeelworse,notbetter.”
Probably.SicknesshadwelledupinsidemewhenIcontemplatedhavingGrimmtell
methestoryofReuben’sdeath.I’dleaveitbe.JustknowingitwasdefinitelyGrimm–
thatputaconcrete,solidflooronthis.Whichfeltgood.
“Thankyou,”Iadded,quietly.
Heonlynodded.
Thatconversationwasabookendtoapartofmylifethatwasover.
OncetheinheritancefromReubenwasfinalized,Idecidedweshouldgonorthfora
holiday.There’dbeennosignofMisterBlackreturningandIalmostwantedtoseehim,
justsoIcouldtellhimtopissoffandleavemetolivemylife.
IhadthemoneytopourintoinvestmentsandpropertyandIdidso,aftersellingmy
homeandReuben’s.Amillionwenttoafewofmyfavoritecharities.Itdidn’tmakeme
feelanybetterbutit’dsurelyhelpsomeoneoutthere.Iemployedaninvestmentmanager,
leftmostofthedecisionsinherhands,andIwentupthenorthcoastofQueensland,
searchingforplaceswherewecouldhavefunandIcouldshedthelastofmyterrors.
IcouldaffordtoemployGrimmasmybodyguardforyears,andIdecidedI’ddoso
untilIwassureMisterBlackwasneverreturning.WhatIneededwasawholeSWAT
team,butIhadtobepractical.AtleastGrimmhadfiguredoutsomeofwhathad
happened.
Ieventhoughtthroughthewhat-ifsofhavingsomeonetrackdownMisterBlack.
Possible?Maybe.Thenwhat?Havehimkilledtoo?Thatideadisconcertedme.Itwould
makemeworsethanthem.IfIdidn’tkeepsomeofmymorals,treadapathIbelievedin,
wherewasI?Reubenwould’vewon.
Iwouldn’thavekilledhim.Theremightbeotherwaystoensurehestayedaway.
WhenIwasready,I’ddosomethingmore…whenhavingtothinkaboutstoppingMisterB
didn’tmakemenauseous.
Twomonthswentby.ItwasapitymydesiresforGrimmhadnotrekindled.I’d
becomeresignedtousbeingonlyfriends,thoughIknewhestillhopedformore.
*****
Onemorning,sittingonrocksatabaynearBowen,justsouthofTownsville,Ifaced
uptothetruth.
“I’llgogetussomecoffees.”Grimmslidoffthebigslabofrockwe’dchosentositon
toviewthesea.
“Sure.”Ipokedmysunglasseshigheronmynoseandwatchedhimheadoffupthe
beach.OnceI’dhavewatchedhisbutt.Now,itleftmecold.Icouldseehowperfecthis
physiquewasbutitwaslikeadmiringthebeautyofasculpture.
Seagullsflewpasttoland,patteringtheirfeetonthesea-washedsand.Thewindwas
cool.Onlyafewstrollerswereoutthisearlybutnoonewasswimming.Itwasn’tquite
stingerseason,butjellyfishappearedinthewaterearlysomeseasons,I’dbeentold.A
toddlerwentfacefirstintothesandandhismotherrushedtopickhimupandcuddlehim,
whilebrushingsandoffhisface.Cutefamilygoings-onthatmademesmile.
Imightswimanyway.Lifewaswaytooshorttobesafeevery,singleday.Itwasthe
onegoodthingthatbastard,Reuben,hadtaughtme.
ButGrimm…Icoulddealwiththelackofasexualrelationshipwithhim.Thetruth?
Thewholetruth?Therelentlessfeelingthatmylifehadbecomealandscapeofnothing
remarkablemademesad.Likemostpeople,Ineededmeaning;insteadIhadapalmfulof
ashes.
Iwasrichandfreeandirredeemablylost.
WithGrimmoffbuyingcoffee,Icouldcrystupidtearsontomyredbikiniandnot
worryaboutembarrassingmyself.
Surf,sun,andsobbing.Iheavedoutasigh.I’dgetoverthisday.Ialwaysdid.
Thensomethinginterruptedmypityparty.AsensationIhadn’tfeltforalongwhile.A
mesmerwasnearby.
MisterBlack.
Shit,shit,shit.
Idraggedmypanicdownalevel.
GrimmwasfarenoughawaythatIworried.I’dhavetoleavemysunglassesbehind
butIhoppedoffmyrock,wadeddeepintothewater,andstruckouttoswimparalleltothe
beach.IneededdistanceandGrimmwasfurtheralongthisbeach,upnearthemobile
baristavan.
LuckyIcouldswimlikeafish.
Iwadedoutahundredyardsfartheralongandsloggedmywayupthesand,dripping
waterandgettingsandyfeet.Thetowelswereinthecar.IfImissedGrimm…Icouldn’t
seehimanywhereonthepathhe’dhavetotaketogettomypreviousspot.Imadeittothe
roadandfoundthebaristavangoneandGrimmwas…
Iturnedinacircle.Onlyourcar,thesilver-grayRangeRover,andafewothersinthe
parkingbays.Wherewashe?
Theurgehitmelikeanavalancheasacardroveupandstopped.
Getin.
IhesitatedenoughthatIrecognizedthatfamiliar,etchedline-of-resistance.Imustn’t
dothis.
Mylipsfeltslack,myheadwasfilledwithnothingofconsequence,butIstalleda
second,thenitwastwo,andInearlytookastepbackward.Therewasarewardfor
resistinganditwasgettingtostaybeingme.Goingbackwardmademymusclesstrainas
ifIwalkedincement.MylegslockedupandIgasped.Myheadwouldburstsoon.My
resolvecollapsedandItookasteptowardthecar,thenanother,more,untilIfoundmyself
enteringthecarthroughthenow-opendoor.
Itwascoolanddarkinside.IcastmygazedownwardbecauseIdidn’twanttosee
him.
“Thatwasinteresting.Wereyourunningaway?You’reluckyIdidn’tmakeyoustrip
offbeforeyougotin.”
Iknewthevoice.
Fuck,Iwhispered.OrhadIonlysaidthatinmymind?
“It’sbeenalongtimebutyes,youmademethinkofthatassoonasIsawyou–
fuckingyou.Wearingthatredbikinishouldbeacrime.Lookatme.”
Ilooked.
MisterBlacksatbesidemeinacasual,darkshirtand,ofallthings,shorts.He’d
alwaysbeensoformal.Thedarkwavesofhishairandolivehueofhisskinremindedme
ofhisGreekorItalianorigins.IfIhadtobeaslaveofanyman,atleasthelookedthepart
ofaGreekgod.Thecrinklesaroundhiseyeshintedatkindliness.Whatapitytheylied.
Icaughtaglimpseofanothermaninthedriver’sseat.Myfocusslippedfromhimas
ifonice.Thecarwasrollingalongaroadatafairspeed.Ishouldbealarmed,butI
wasn’t.ButIknewIshouldbe.Thelogicbotheredme.HowdidI…WhatdidI…
“Stopthinking.”
He’dslidbesideme,closerthanbeforeandnowheleanedin.Daringhiswrath,I
turnedaway.Icouldstillsayno,alittle.Ijustneededtogetagrip,tofindthecracks.The
warmthofhisbreathonmyneckwarnedmeamomentbefore,thenhebitmyearlobe,
sendingadeliciousfrissonofexcitementdownmyspinetomypussy.
Withhishandonthesideofmyjaw,hepushedmyheadtowardhim.Hismouthwas
inchesfrommineandIcouldn’thelpsinkingtheworldofhisdarkeyes.
“Stopavoidingme.I’mhere.You’rehere,andyou’renotleavingthistime.UntilI
say.”
Hesmiledatauntingsmilebecauseheknewhehadme,nodoubt,andknewI’dseen
ittoo.Aforegoneconclusion,today,buttomorrowandtomorrow,andthedayafter?I
couldlearntopushback.ThenIwonderedwhathewouldbeliketokiss.Itwouldonly
takethesmallestmovementformetobitehislip.Wouldhesinkhistongueintomy
mouth?
“Spreadyourlegs.Ineedtoseeyour…”Hissmilewidened.
Iswallowed,caughtinhisweb,achingformore.
“Cunt.”
“Bastard,”Iwhispered.YetnomatterhowmuchIprotestedtomyself,Islowlyspread
mylegs.Stop.Don’t.Iresisted,almostwhiningattheeffortbutkeepingittomerely
grittingmyteeth.Ididn’twanthimtohearme.
Theseawaterandsandonthebackofmythighsmadetheseatcoverrasplightlyover
myskin.
“Didyouswearatme?”Thedevilwasinhiseyes.
“Yes,”Ispatout.
“Hmmm.Ilikethat.”
Andthat,ofcourse,waswhatmadehimdifferentfromReuben.
Conflictedbymyemotionsandthoughts,breathingthroughpartedlips,Iwatchedhim
puthishanddownandslipitbeneaththecrotchofmyredbikinipants,andthen…fuckoh
fuck…hepushedintome.Iknewwithprecisioneverynewplacewherehisfingertouched
ashedelvedinside,andeverymovementofthewallsofmycunt.
“There?”Hesqueezedinanotherinch.
Defyingthelawsofphysics,Iliquefied.“Ohfuck.Ohfuck.”Myspinearching,Ilet
myheadflopback,thenIsighedthesighofawomantransportedintonirvana.Irealized,
tomydismay,I’dbeenwaitingalongtimetofeelhishandsonmeagain.
“Likethat?”
IeyedMisterBlack,smugasshole,caughtbetweenlyingbecauseIfearedadmitting
thetruthandacompulsiontotellhim.Inthelastoverwhelmingseconds,I’dlostthe
awarenessforhowmuchhewasmakingmeandhowmuchIwantedit.Thenherevolved
hisfinger,slowasmolasses,pressingonexquisiteplaces.Moisturewelledfromme.My
eyelidsflutteredloweranddespitestrivingtostaysilent,Igroaned.
“Youneedtosayit.SayitthenI’llmakeyousuckonmycockwhileImakeyou
come.”
What?Ididn’twantthat.Hecouldgo–
Thesoundofazipmademeopenmyeyescompletely.Hepulledouthiserectionand
letitstandproud,watchingmeasIwatchedhishandsandhiscock.Wasthatan
incentive?Howcoulditbe?
ThenIlookedsomemore.God,yes,itwas.
Ihatedadmittingthis.Itwasaweakness,aflawinme.Ididn’tneedhim.
ButmymouthhungopenasIstaredathiscock.CertainlyIgroundmypelvistoward
hisfingersashesteppedupthepaceandfuckedmewiththem.Iwidenedmythighsand
hestoppedmoving.
Distraught,Istareddownathishandwhereitdisappearedintomybikinibottoms,
thenreluctantly,Ilookedtohim.Thefuckerwaswaiting,knowinghehadme,hadme
figuredoutandhishandupinsideme.
Washemakingmesaythis?Idoubtedit.Thiswasme,justme.Themanhad
somethingIneededsodamnbadly.MypussyclampedinonhisfingersandIfoundIwas
panting,mybreastsgoingupanddownlikecrazy.
“Damnyou.”ThenIclearedmythroat,swallowed,andtookthestepoffintothe
dangerousunknown.“Yes.Fuckyou.Ilikeit.”
“DoyouwanttosuckmycockwhileImakeyoucome?”Stillinsideme,hishand
revolvedandhisthumbglancedacrossmypussy,conjuringminusculeflurriesofarousal
andmakingmythighstense,beforehisthumbcametorestonmyclit…andstayedthere.
Themerepressureevokednicethings.
MyeyesrolledupandIclimbedanotherrungtowardnirvana.Mylegsshookashe
brushedlightcirclesoverthetopofmyclit–thetouchofamanwhoknewtheinsideof
mymindasmuchastheinnerworkingsofmybody.Iawakenedtoanewrealization.This
waswhyGrimmdidn’taffectme.IwouldneverknowpleasurewithoutamanlikeMister
Black,amesmer.
Sadandmortallyhumiliating,butIwasherewithhim,here,now.Whynotappreciate
it?Isquirmed,strugglingwithmyshamefulthoughts.
“More,”Iwhispered,almostgagging.“Please?”
Nothing.Clearlyhewasstillwaiting.
Suckhiscock?Frowning,Ibitmyliphardtostopmyselfspeakingagain.Wasthis
likeReuben?No.Notatall.
Histhumbmoved.
Lustrippledfrommymindtomypeakingnipplesthenallthewaydowntomytoes,
makingmeresonatewithdesire.Itwasapromiseofsomethingextraordinarynooneelse
couldgift.Afterafinal,shudderinggroan,Isuccumbedtotheinevitable.
“Yes.Please.Please,please.”Hiseyebrowtwitchedupward.“Please.Letmesuck
yourcockwhileIcome.”
“Good.”
Thenhepushedmyheaddowntohislapwithenoughforcetosayhewasmakingme
butnotenoughformetobesure.Mylipsmettheheadofhiscockandengulfedit,
slippingoverhim,evenashebeganfingerfuckingmeinearnest.Icouldhearthesounds
ofmyarousalintimewiththethrustofhisfingersandtheslicksoundsofmytongueand
lipssuckingupanddownonhisshaft,evensomesplutteringwhenIwenttoofar.Withhis
handinmyhairhedirectedthesexualactlikethedrummerofarockbandwithmadskills
ofsynchronization.
Whenhiscockwasnearlythroatdeep,arousalburstoverme,shakingmeand
plungingmeintoasavageclimaxwheretheworlddisintegrated.Withmymindchecked
out,Iwasunsurewhichendofmehadcockinsideitandwhichhadfingers.Ibuckedand
wrappedmythighsaroundwhateverwasdownthere,notwantingtolosethepartsofhim
insideme.
Heextractedhiscockfrommymouththenletmestaythereonhislap,myshoulders
heavingasIsuckedinmuch-neededair.Hehadn’tcome,andhesimplystrokedthesideof
myfaceandwaitedformetoreclaimmyself.
“I’mgoingtomarkyounext,”hemurmured.“Sweetgirl.Itmaynotalterhowyou
seemebutIliketomarkmyacquiredwomen.Plus,Ithinkyouneedit.”Hemademeturn
myheadandIlickedmylipsandfacedhim.“IknowIdo.”
Iblinkedslowly,gatheringideas.WhyshouldIneedhismark?“Idon’tthinkso.”
“Shhh.It’snotyourchoice,thistime.”
Asifithadbeenbefore?Iwonderedatthat.HowmuchofwhatI’dlethimdowas
justme?Hewasfuckingwithmymindbyusinghispowersparingly,likeanartistwith
watercolorsusingtoomuchwater.Wherewasthecolor?WasIseeingwhatwasn’tthere?
Bythetimewepulledupoutsideatattooshopintown,InkAnarchy,withshoppers
bustlingpastthecarwindows,he’dgivenmeapairofwhitedrawstringshortstowear,a
looseblueT-shirt,andaninstructiontoobey.Icouldn’tdefyhimnomatterhowItried.
Iwaslockedintothis.
Thetattooistdidn’tnoticeathingasthetransactionplayedout.Moneychanged
hands,sketcheswereagreedon.Fromthewordssaid,MisterBlackhadarrangedthis
previously.He’dbeenthatconfidenthe’dhavemenow.
Dismaycrawledin.DidItrulyhavesolittlechoice?Wasthishisfirststepinmaking
mehisweapon?
Iclimbedontothetableandlaythere,stomach-down,withmyfaceinaconvenient
face-shapedhole.Whateverthetattooistorthedriverlookedlike,Ihadlittleclue.They
mightbeMartiansforallI’dretainedoftheirappearance.Themancouldcontrolwhoand
whereIlooked.
HowdidIstopthis?Sexfromnowon,ifIwantedpleasure,wouldbethroughMister
Blackornotatall.Orperhapsanothermesmer?Butcouldanyofthemeverbebetterthan
this?Isensedthatinsomeways,hecaredforme,butonlyasmuchasamanwithanew
petmightcare.
Itwasn’tenoughforme.Ineededlove.IthinkGrimmhadthatinhim–love.IfI’d
stillbeennormal,maybewithhimIcould’vefoundlove.Atearortwoslippeddownmy
face,drippedtothetilesbelow.
Thebuzzandincessantbiteoftheneedledistractedmefrommythoughtsoflove,
escape,andsex,butIknew.IwasasmuchaprisonerofMisterBlackasIhadbeenof
Reuben.
Whencompletedthetattoowastobeshowntomeinamirror.MisterBlacksatmeon
hislap,smoothedawayandgatheredmyhairatthenape.Myskinwasredattheedges,
angrierthanIcouldbeinthismomentduetohowtightlyheheldmeincheck.Atthe
peripheryofmyvision,Inoticedthehighlytattooedtattooistlookingamused.Nodoubt
fewofhiscustomerssatonthelapsoftheirmenwhilecheckingtheartwork.
“Verypretty.”MisterBlack’svoicesoothedme,settlingintomyfleshlikeaswigof
richwhiskeygoingdownmythroat.Undermybottom,Ifelttheswellofhiserection.
“Lookatit,Zorie.
Ilookedproperlythistimeandsawthemark–ablackravenetchedintomyneck.It
wassmallbutpretty,standingside-onandeyeingmeback,impudentasmostravensare.I
halfexpectedittoflareitswingsandflyaway.
“Ilikeit,”Isaid,myvoicehusky.True.
“Ofcourseyoudo.Youlikeitbecauseitmakesyoumine.”
DebatablebutIsaidnothingmore,andIwonderedidlywhenhewouldputthatlarge
cockundermythighsintome.Whennotundermycontrol,mymindwanderedinthe
stupidestways.
Wedroveaway,ourpartyofthree.IhadnochainaboutmyneckoranklebutMister
Blackdidn’tneedthat.
Nowmarkedindisputablywithhisraven,Ilaywithmyheadrockingonhisshoulder
whileheplayedwithmyhair,myass,mybreasts,andwhisperedsoft,admiringphrases
abouthowmuchhelikedhavingmewithhimandhowbraveIhadbeen.
Attheverybackofmymind,Iweptatthefalseness.Prettywords.Emptyones.My
braveryhadcostme.I’dneededamanhelpingmekillReubennotcheeringmeonfroma
distance.
Evenso,hishandsstirredme.Bythetimeweslowed,thecrotchofthebikinibottoms
wassoakedandIhadmyfingersclenchedinhisshirtwhileIwhisperedmoansathis
everytouch.
“We’rehere.Situp.”
Weapproachedaquaintfarmhousecrossrentableupmarketmanorafewmiles
outsideofthesmalltown.Thesignatthegatethatopenedontoaroadthatledupasmall
slopetothehouse,saidRENTME.Thehousewasapristinewhitewithacorrugatediron
roof,aperfectgreenlawnsurroundingit,andinthenextheartbeatIknewthereinsonme
hadloosened.
I’dbetamillionhe’darrangedthisplaceweeksagoalso.WhendidIgettobeastep
aheadofhisplans?Itseemedfairtohope.
When.
Thereinswereloose…
ShouldIrun?ShouldIcrackopenthedoorandrun?Withmyhandonthedoor
handle,IheardMisterBlacktsk.
“No,you’recominginsidewithus,Zorie.Igiveyoufullautonomyandyouinstantly
thinktoescape?Ineedtodomorethanmarkyouwitharaven.”
Us?
Hewasrightthough.Theravenhadn’tchangedme…ItcomfortedmetoknowI
couldrebelatthedropofahat,onthespinofacoin.Justgivemethatmoment.Ifonlyhis
commandsdidn’tholdmeuntilhedeliberatelyreversedorlessenedthem.Istillhadn’t
beenabletospeaktoGrimm,oranyoneelse,aboutmesmersandReubenhaddied.
IfollowedMisterBlackuptheshallowtimberstepsandintoahallway,downdeeper
intothehouse,thenallthewaythroughtoahugebedroomatthebackofthehouse.A
wide,curtain-framedwindowlookedoutoveravistaoffieldsandgrassland.
Theking-sizedbedwascoveredbyaquiltasbigasthefieldsoutthere.Lemonyellow
daisiesandawhitebackgroundthatwasglaringandclean.
MisterBlackeyedthebed.“Whatapitywe’regoingtogetitdirty.Takeoffyour
shortsandT-shirt.”
Islippedthemoffandfeltthedriverbehindmetakethemfrommyfingers.Hehadn’t
spokenatallthatIrecalled.Whoeverhewas,whateverhewasbeingpaid,Iimaginedhe
wasenjoyingwatchingthisotherwiseMisterBlackwouldneverhaveemployedhim.
Iexpectedaninstructiontoremovemybikininextbutinsteadhegesturedatthebed.
“Liedownonyourback,withyourassattheedgeandyourfeetonthefloor.”
Iwalkedoveranddidso.Ilayonthebedobediently,feelingthebeddipasthedriver
sataboveme.Watching,asalways.Dirtyman.
Hisstepsquietonthefloorrug,MisterBlacksteppedinuntilhetoweredoverme.
“Openyourlegs,inchthebottomsdownsoIcanseeyourpussy,andplaywith
yourself.Iwantyoureadyformetofuckyou.”
Intensewordsbutthegripofhiscommandwaslight.Iswayed,caughtinabackwash
ofmaybeyes,maybeno.
Alert,Iswitchedmygazetohiseyes.Bastard.Hewantedmetochoose.Iwasfree
enoughthatIsawthedepthofhislabyrinth.Iwasachingtohavehimfuckme.IfIsaid
no,hemightmakemeopenmylegsanyway.Icouldalmostfeelhimdoingit.The
temptationwasintense.Wasn’titbettertodoitofmyownvolition?
Heaimedtomakemebetraymyself.
Choice.Foronceitwasmine.HeknewIdidn’thavetomakemyselfready.Mylower
lipswereswollenandaching.Whenyou’reimaginingaman’scockinyoubeforeit
happens,whenthemanholdsthekeytoyoursexualitybecauseyouandhebothknowhe’s
theonlymanwhocanarouseyou…
Isobbed,caughtinthedilemma.“Bastard.”ThirdtimethatdayI’dcalledhimthat.
“Imeannow.”Hemoveduntilhestoodbetweenmyspreadlegsandranafinger
alongmythigh.Hismouthcurvedupwardinawaythatsaidhe’dhadmepinned,
chloroformed,andcataloguedinhisbutterflycollectionsincethemomentIsteppedinto
hiscar.“Iwanttoseeyourownfingersinsideyou.”
Tremblingwithdisgustatmyneeds,Islippedmyfingersdownward,liftingmyassso
Icouldpulldownthebikinibottoms.Ipoisedmyfingersovermymonsareathenlowered
themintothewetmessthatwasmypussyentrance,makingaVtoeithersideofmy
shavedlips.
“Inside.Puttheminside,”hegratedout,hisgazefocusedonmypussyasiflaser-
targeted.“Fuckyourself.”
MaybetheZorinaBrownthatexistedafewmonthsagowould’veshuthereyesasshe
didthisbutIdidn’t.IlookedathimasIforcedmyfingersintomyentranceandbeganto
masturbate.AsImademoresounds,asIfeltthebuildofarousal,hepulledhisgaze
upwardandlookedintomyeyes.Fromthenon,healternatedbetweenwatchingmyface
andwhatmyhanddid.Sofuckinghot,toseehimdothat.Iwastiedtohim,itseemed,
irrevocablyperhaps.
Ididn’tcare.Notthen.MaybelaterIwouldcare.
Imoaned,squirming.
“Beautiful,”hemurmured.
WhenhesankhisfingersintomythightopushmyleghigherIshiveredtoahalt,
caughtinmidthrust.
Aroundhiseyeswrinkledinasmile.“Likemeholdingyou?”
Soclosetocomingfromhimsimplydoingthat,holdingme,andfromwhatI’ddone.
“Mmm.”Igruntedout.Fuck,yes.
“Stopnow.”
Istopped,despitethethrobbingofmyclit.“Ineedtocome,”Iwhimpered.
“Takeyourhandsaway.”Unhappily,Iobeyed,thenheshedhisclothesanddropped
themathisfeet,returningtomecarryingasilverchainthathe’dtakenfromhispocket,
andwithhiserectionoutandproud.
“Raiseyourlegs.”
Withoutsayingmore,hegrabbedmyanklesandpushedthembackandbackuntil
theywereabovemyheadatwhichpointhegrowled,“Holdher.”
Istiffened.I’dforgottentheextraman.Oddbuttrue–thatwashowinsistentthisneed
hadbecome.Whenthisstrangergrippedmylegsandpushedthemclosertothebed,Isaw
MisterBlackexchangealonglookabovemyhead.Forwhateverreason,Irefusedtotry
tolookatthemanbehindme.Itwouldbetoo…too,somethingrevoltinglywrong.He
couldholdmedownbutIwasbeingfuckedbyMisterB.Thatcountedforsomething.
Iknewthatmorewhenhetouchedbeneathmychinandsaidquietly,“Thiswillhurt
butIwantyoutobestillforme.”
Thesilverchainsdangledfromhishand.Eachendboresmallsilverclamps.Icould
guesswheretheyweremeanttogo.
Forhim.Theassumptionwasastounding.AsifIcouldbestill.
Yetashegrippedmyleftnipple,squashingitflatinpreparationfortheclampthathe
heldintheotherhand,Iwatchedfascinated.Thepainasthejawsmethadmesqueaking.
ThesecondonewasworseandItriedtosinkmybreastandbodyintothemattressbut
didn’tsucceed.
“There.”Hesmiled.“Good.”
NowIthrobbedinbothpussyandnipples–thesharpnessofthepainintermingling
anddisturbingme.Ishutmyeyestosortthemout,onlytohavehiscockslideintome.
Archingwasinstinctivebutbroughtthepaintothefore.Iwenttopluckattheclampsonly
tohavebothwriststakenovermyheadandpinnedthere.
MisterB.ploweddeeperintome,drivingmeintothepillow,shiftingthechainacross
mybreasts.Themanaboveadjustedhisgriponmyankles,makingmylegsspreadwider
andIheardhimgruntasiftheviewpleasedhim.
Isnappedopenmyeyes.Exposedtobothmen’sgazes,helddownandmadetotake
thispain,itmessedhorriblywithmyhead.Wasthismydoingorhis?
“WhatamIdoing?”Iwhispered.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Thatkindlyifin-fucking-tenseexpressiontensionedhisface.
Amusedbutarousedwasmyinterpretation.Nowonder.Hewasburiedinmeuptohis
balls.“You’rebeingfuckedbyme,takingmypainbecauseIaskedyouto.You’re
becomingmine,Zorie.Becauseyouwanttobe.I’mnotinyourhead.”
“You’renot?”Iwantedhimtosaytheopposite.Because…Really,Ididn’tknowwhy
anymore.
“I’mnot,”hesaidwithhismouthaninchfrommine.“Onlymycockisinyou.Make
yourselfcomenow.”Hereleasedoneofmywrists.
“Now?”Iblinked,incredulousatthisrequest.
Now.”
“Kissme?”Iasked.Justonemouthonmouthsuctioningofmysoulashetongue
fuckedme,Iwantednothingmore.Kissingwassopersonal.Itprovedsomething.
“No.Notyet.Notthistime,”headded.
Theyetgavemehope.Ibegantoworkatmyclitthoughmyfingersslippedaboutin
myownmoisture.
Doubledoverandheldinplaceonthebedbythetwomen,ittookatmostthirty
secondsofrubbing,withhiscockcheeringmeonbypulsingandtwitching,beforeI
clenchedinonusboth,andanorgasmhitme.Iwaswrithingandsightless,stillraptinthe
sensationswhenherecommencedfuckingme,properlythistime.Thrusting,overand
over,goingdeep,goingshallow,andatonepointmakingmesuckonhimwhilehefucked
mymouth.Icouldtastemyself,Icouldhearthemanbehindgettingmorearousedtoo,and
allIwantedwastomakeMisterBlackcomeinsideme…tomakehimhappy.
Thebedkeptrockingandcreakingwithhisthrustsandmynipplesached.Ionly
wriggledandwantedhimdeeper,harder.
Somewhereinmyheadwasstillme.IwasjustalittlemorepervertedthanIhadbeen
whenReubenfirstlaidhandsonme.Changinginthefaceofadversity,oramanwho
couldfuckthelifeoutofme,wasonlynatural.Oneday,I’dgethimtokissme,and
then…theneverythingwouldbegood.
Myeyesrolledback.
Thenextdriveofhiscockwasrelentless,seemingtogointomeforever,rammingmy
bodyintothemattressandholdingmethere,squasheddown,pinnedbycockandthesolid
weightofaman.Hegroundinharder,swore,thenwithdrewandthrust,holdingmedown
againasiftryingtodrillmeintothebed.Itriedtowrithedespitetheirhandsonmywrists
andanklesbutcouldn’tmove.WhenIgroaned,themanabovemesworequietly–thefirst
timeI’dheardhimspeak.
Grimm
“IoughttobethyAdam,butIamratherthefallenangel…”
-MaryShelley
Iwastheultimatevoyeur,watchingMisterBlackfuckhersenselessuntilshewas
babblingintongues.AndstillIheldheranklesandherlegsopenforhim.Ifeltherlegs
shake,sawhercome,repeatedly,likeadamnclockworkorgasmtoy.
He’dgoneintothewholethingindetail,takenmeasideafterarrangingtospeak
withoutZorieknowing.He’ddeducedI’dmurderedReuben.Somehowhe’dinstalledan
apponZorie’sphoneand,throughthemic,he’doverheardusmentioningit.Iguesswe’d
slippedupafewtimesduringthepastmonths.Scary,tothinkwhatmighthappenifthe
copshaddonethesame.Hewouldn’thaverevealedthingstomewithoutthatinformation,
though.IfIwenttothecops,hecoulddothesame.
Notthatanyonewouldbelieveme,andnotthatitwouldhelpZorieifIdid.
Evenbeforehislittlespeechtome,I’dcometotheconclusionthatshedidn’tfeelany
passionforme.Theattractionhadfizzledout.OnceIspoketoMisterBlack,Iunderstood
more,evenifIwasdisbelievingthefirsttime.
Thenhe’dtakenherafterIleftherdefenseless.I’dbetrayedhertrustbutIwaswith
herthewholetimetoo.IwasreadytostopeverythingifIsawhe’dlied.Butathisfirst
touch,she’dquivered.She’dobeyedhimlikethemostwell-trainedslavegirl.Fuckme
it’dbeeneye-opening.Hecouldmakeherlickhiscock,showoffhercunt,evenleta
strangerbepresentwhiletheyhadsex.
ThiswaswhatReubenhadpossessed.Thesamepowers.Therewereothermenlike
himwhowereasbadorworseandZoriewasgoingtobesomesortofwaytotakethem
down?Itseemedagoodthingtodo.Therightthing.
Didthegoaljustifythemeans?Iwasn’tsure.IknewIdidn’twanttoseeherhurt.
WhenhewasdonewithherandtheywereinbedtogetherIwentoutontotheback
patioandrubbedoneoutbymyself.Noonetoseemeformilesexceptthebirdsandthe
bugs.It’dhurtwatchingthat.Nomanwho’dhaddesignsonawomancouldwatchherbe
fuckedbyanotherandnotfeelthepain.IdoubtedI’devergetovertheattractionIfeltfor
her.
He’dbeentruetohiswordandmadehernotlookatmebuttomorrowI’dhavetolet
herknowIwashere.
Mylastlookthroughthewindowhadrevealedthemlyingtogetheronthebed,
spooning.She’dseemedatpeace.Mavroshadseenmebutithadn’tdeterredhimatall–
he’dhadhisarmoverherandwasstudyingherassheslept.Iknewthelookofaman
thinkinghardaboutthewomaninhisarms.Beenthere,donethat.
Nevertheless,inspiteofthebloodyacheinmygut,itwasgoodtoseeherhappy.
Isniffed,grimaced.ZorinaBrownhadmadeafoolofme,Iguess,thoughnot
deliberately.Shedidn’tseemtounderstandwhywe’dnotclicked–nomorethanIhad.
Tomwould’velaughedandtoldmetogoinandtakeherfromhim.
Shit.No.Ididn’tworklikethat.Tom’smethodshadn’tworkedforhimanyway.She’d
killedhimthatnight.HowcouldIbesoinvolved…soalmostinlove,withthewoman
who’dkilledTom?Hemight’veonlybeenastepbrotherbutperhapsbecauseofthatwe’d
beengreaterfriendsthanmostrealbrothers.
“Sucks,”ImutteredandtookaswigfromthebottleofrumI’dfound.
Tiedupandinthecabinofhistruck,she’dstillmanagedtotripthebrakeandthe
truck’drolledforwardandcrushedhimagainstthegaragedoor.
Kidnappingwomen.Christ.Loser.I’dlovedhimbuthewasstillaloser.
Iraisedthebottletothesettingsun.“Youwereastupidfucker,Tom.Damnstupid.
I’mdoingthismyway.Thepatient-as-a-tortoiseway.”
It’dsuitedmewelluptonow.Maybetherewasawaytobecomeamesmer?There
hadtobe.Thereweresomepeoplewho,whenfacedwithadversity,gaveup.Therewere
otherswhowouldstiffentheirresolveandcarryonfighting,evenharder.
Me,Ijustkeptongoing.Iwasthewaterwearingawaythestone.Iwasthetreeroot
crackingthestone.Iwasalsomalleable.WhenIsawaweakness,Ibecamethestone.I
pridedmyselfonbeingwhoIneededtobetowin.
TodayI’dfoundoutwhatitwasIwantedtowin.
Anotherswigwarmedmeallthewaytomycenter.Theheatflowingoutwardmade
mesmileatthesunloweringitselfintothefield,makingthetopsofthecropintoa
glowingcarpet.Thedaylightwasgoingbutgivenafewhoursofnight,shewouldbeback,
likeme.
AjinglewarnedofatextcominginonZorie’sphoneandIambledintothespare
bedroomandfisheditfromherhandbag.Iknewthepassword.Hell,afterallthesemonths
it’dbeasurpriseifIhadn’twatchedherandfigureditout.
ThetextwasfromaJacobWyatt.Icouldn’trecallthenamebuttheothernameinthe
bodyofthetext–CherieLynnWolfe?ThatwasthestudentZoriehadspokenof.Shewas
lostinLondon,missingfordayswhileonleavefromtheMedecinesSansFrontieres
programinThailand.WhatdidheexpectZorietodo?Ireadthesecond,following
message.
“Ahhh.”Iunderstood.
Thoughtyou’dwanttoknowsinceshewasquiteafriendofyours.Praywefindher
soon.
*****
Zorie
AsIlaythere,mostlyasleep,inthebedwithMisterBlackbehindmeandhisarm
restingheavilyoverme,withhishandnestlinginthesheetinchesawayandcuppingmy
ownhand,Ibecameawareoftheoddestfeeling.Ittookmeseveralminutesofdrowsy
thinkingtodecideonwhatitwasthatIwasfeelingbecauseitwasnovelandcomplex.
Ihadn’tfeltthiswayforwhatseemedathousandyears.
Peacefulandsafe.
Ismiled,closedmyeyesproperly,andfellintoadreamlandwherenothingbad
happenedtoanyone,ever,ever…
Ever.
FromCariSilverwood
Ilovetohearfromreaders.
IfyouenjoyedWickedWays,pleaseconsiderleavingareviewatyourfavoriteretaileror
website
Youcanalsocontactmeatthesocialmediasitesbelow.
Cari’sBlog/Website
ConnectwithCariSilverwoodonFacebook
You’rewelcometojointhisgrouponfacebooktodiscussCariSilverwood’sbooks:
CariSilverwoodisaNewYorkTimesandUSATodaybestsellingwriterofkinky
darknessorsometimesofdarkkinkiness,dependingonhermoodsandtheamountoftime
she’sspentstaringintothenight.
WickedWeapon,Book2,DarkHearts
releaseslateMarchtoApril4th,2016
Amazon
Reserveyourcopy
Zorieislost,again.
Friendscanbecomeenemiesandenemiescanbecomefriends.
Whatisamanwhodeclareshimselfyourknightincrackedandbloodyarmor,when
heseemstobeleadingyoutoyourdoom?
Mavros,onceknownasMisterBlack,hasvanished.
ZorieandGrimmareinthehandsofunscrupulousmen.
Shewillemergeeitherdead,enslaved,orwithrevengeinherheartandalethal
hairpininherhandtokillthosewhohavehurttheinnocent.
Hairpinorbullet,deadisdead.
ExcerptfromWickedWeapon
Prologue
Zorie
Westrolledaroundthecornerintothedarkened,car-parkingareanexttotheclub–
Mavrosatmysideinhisupmarketparty-goingattire.Themanwouldn’tlookoutofplace
atBuckinghamPalace.Grimmwascominguptherear.Fromthejingle,hewasdigging
forthecarkeysinhispocket.
Men,strangers,swarmedus.Sixorseven,Ididn’thavetheleisuretimetocount.
Myheelcaughtonaholeinthepavementandsomeonewhippedmeface-firsttoward
thewall,barelyslowingmyforwardmotionintimesoIbarelykissedthebricks.Hands
trappedmywrists.“Fuck!Letmego!”Isquirmedandkickedbackassomemetalnub
touchedmyneck.Thepointyendofmyaccursedstilettoheelconnectedandthemetal
slippedaway.AscuffleandafewyellsbehindmesaidMavroswasresisting.Aftera
fleshythump,someonegurgled.Asoftgruntingexhalelancedfearintome.Iheardthe
slideofabodycrumpling.
Whowasthat?
Again,thecoldmetalwasjammedintomynape.Abuzzcrackedthroughme,setting
meafire.Musclescrunchingtight,Ishookthencollapsedwithmymouthopenand
drooling,thebrickworkscrapingmychinasstranger’shandscarriedmeearthward.
Throughtheroarinmyhead,Irecognizedziptiesbeingappliedtomywristsand
ankles.Aneedlejabbedintomyupperarmandpushedsomedrugintome.
Taser.They’dtaseredmetoo.
“Fuck.Basterrs,”IslurredbeforetapeflattenedacrossmymouthandIcouldonly
blinkwildlyattheenlargingandshrinkingspecksofdarkconcretenearmynose.
LightsmovedasIwascarriedsomewhere.Blearily,Isawcoloredmetalshapes.Cars.
Acardooropened.Iwaslaidonaseatandmylegstuckedup.Morevoicescouldbeheard
quietlycursingandarguing.IthoughtonewasGrimm.
Someonehadmeagain.MisterBlack…no,hewasMavrosnow?Myheadhadturned
intosquishyplaydough.Mavroswashurtorhe’dnotletthemdothisSurelyhewouldn’t?
Thiswasn’ttheplan.Whowerethesemen?
ThatvoicehadsoundedlikeGrimm’s.
Hadhebetrayedme?
Again…
Theideascattered,trailingconfettiinmymind.
Enginesstartedandwerolledforward,joltinganddrivingintotheunknownwhileI
sankdeeperanddeeperintosomenothing,thought-blurredplacewhereonlythedrool
undermyfacematteredandIrockedupontheseat.
WickedHunt,Book3,intheDarkHeartstrilogy,willalsobeoutearly2016
AlsobyCariSilverwood
DarkHearts
(Darkeroticfiction)
WickedWays
WickedWeapon–releasesApril4
th
,2016
WickedHunt–dueoutearly2016
PiercedHeartsSeries
(Darkeroticfiction)
Takeme,Breakme
Klaus
BindandKeepme
MakemeYoursEvermore
SeizemeFromDarkness
Yield
PiercedHeartsVolume1–containsbooks#1,#2and#3
PiercedHeartsVolume2–containsbooks#2and#3
PiercedHeartsVolume3–containsbooks#4and#5
PreyfindersSeries
PreciousSacrifice(Originallypublishedintheanthology,Kept)
Intimidator
Defiler
Preyfinders–TheTrilogy
PreyfindersUniverse
Cyberella
SquirmFilesSeries
Squirm–virgincaptiveofthebillionairebikertentaclemonster
Strum–virgincaptiveofthebillionairedemonrockstarmonster
TheWell-hungGun–virgincaptiveofthebillionairewere-squidgunslingermonster
TheBadassBratsSeries
TheDomwithaSafeword
TheDomontheNaughtyList
TheDomwiththePerfectBrats
TheDomwiththeCleverTongue
CataclysmBluesSeries
CataclysmBlues
(Afreeeroticscifinovella)
TheSteamworkChroniclesSeries
IronDominance
LustPlague
SteelDominance
Others
31FlavorsofKink
ThreeDaysofDominance
RoughSurrender
(ReleasedbyMomentum,aneBookbranchofPanMacmillan)
BloodGlyphs
TableofContents
Document Outline
- Acknowledgements
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
- Chapter 18
- Chapter 19
- Chapter 20
- Chapter 21
- Chapter 22
- Chapter 23
- Chapter 24
- Chapter 25
- Chapter 26
- Chapter 27
- Chapter 28
- Chapter 29
- Chapter 30
- Chapter 31
- Chapter 32
- Grimm
- From Cari Silverwood
- Wicked Weapon, Book 2, Dark Hearts
- Also by Cari Silverwood
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