Heatupyourholidayswiththisreader-favoritenovellabyNewYork
TimesbestsellingauthorJillShalvis!

EMTDustinMauerhasmadeithisChristmasmissiontoconvincetoughfirefighterCristinaLewis
thatshe’sinlovewithhim.ButCristinalivesandbreathesherjob,andthere’snoplaceinherlifefor
arelationship—thoughshehastoadmitthatDustin’slean,chiseledbodyandlow,whiskey-thickvoice
stilltempther.ButevenDustincanonlytakesomuchrejection.Cansheadmitthatallshewantsthis
Christmas—andeveryChristmas—ishim,beforeit’stoolate?

Lookwhatpeoplearesayingaboutthesetalentedauthors…

JillShalvis

“Shalvisoozessexualtension,ultra-highromance,andblowsawaytheRichterscaleforsuspenseand

danger.”

—RomanceReviewsToday

“ItdoesnotgetbetterthanaJillShalvisstory.”

—RomanceJunkies

AbouttheAuthor

USATODAYbestsellingauthorJILLSHALVISlivesinTahoesurroundedbyherfamily,afewwild
creaturesandsomeofthesexiestfirefightersontheplanet.Sheishardatworkonhernextromance
novel.Visitherat

www.jillshalvis.com/blog

.

AllHeWantsforChristmas…

JillShalvis

CONTENTS

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

CHAPTERONE

C

RISTINA

L

EWIS

walkedintotheflorist’sshopwithatinybitofanattitude,which,atleastaccordingto

thosewhoknewherbest,wasnothingnew.Whatever.Sherarelywastedtimethinkingabouther
demeanor,orwhatpeoplethoughtofit.

Probablynotthebestwaytomakefriends,butshewasn’touttodoso.Notinherworld,where

shewasthelonefemalefirefighteratstation#34inSantaRey,California,asurfer-boybeachtown.
Herattitudewashershield,whichshebackedupbybeinggoodatwhatshedid.Thebest,actually,and
asaresult,shewasrespectedandtrusted.Andmaybealittlefeared,whichworked,too.

Giveheraburningbuildingorawreckedcarthreateningtoexplodeanydayoftheweekand

she’dhandleit.Unfortunately,today’staskwaspickingoutaChristmasbouquetforthenewchiefand
hiswife.

Cristinawasn’taChristmasperson.Hell,shewasn’tapeopleperson,sothefactthatshewasthe

oneinherewhilehercrewwaitedoutsideontherigwasfairlyridiculous.“Iknownothingabout
flowers,”shewarnedtheclerkwhocamearoundthefrontdeskwithawelcomingsmile.“Andeven
lessaboutthewholeho-hospirit,sowecanskipthesalestalk.”

“Good.Ihatethesalestalk.”
Okay,thewomanwastoughandhadasenseofhumor.Perfect.“CanyougetmeaChristmas

bouquetandmakeitpainless?”

“I’manexpertinpainless.”Theclerk’sprofessionalsmileneverwavered.“Foraboyfriend?

Husband?”

Ha.Cristinadidn’thaveahusband.Shedidn’thaveaboyfriend,either.Theclosestshe’dcome

latelywashervibrator,butthathadbrokenafewmonthsbackandshehadn’tyetreplacedit.Asfora
reallivepenis,thathonorhadalltoobrieflybelongedtoanextremelylaid-back,easygoing,sexy-as-
hellEMTnamedDustinMauer,whomshe’dhadtodumpthroughnoparticularfaultofhisown—
otherthanthathepossessedthemostbafflingabilitytomakeherwantthings.Thingsshedidn’twant
towant.Thingslikeahappilyeverafter,whichshe’dneverbelievedin.

“It’sforthenewboss’swife.”Sheslappedtheseventy-fivebucksthecrewhadallpooledtogether

ontothecounter.“Inthenameofsuckinguptothepowersthatbe,apparently.”

“Well,youcametotherightplace.”
“Great.”Cristinajustwantedtodothisandgetout,maybefightablazeorrescuesomeone.

Anythingbutthis.Sheknewdamnwellshewasinhereonlybecauseshehadthelonevaginaonthe
squad.Anyoneofthoseguysouttherewouldhavedoneabetterjobonthisandtheyallknewit,but
theyweretoobusycacklinglikelittlegirlsovermakingCristinadoit.

FromsomehiddenspeakercameasoftmedleyofChristmastunes,andwhenshelookedaround,

hersenseswereassaultedwithamyriadofscentsandcolors.Flowers,plants,craftystuff,itwas
everywhere,likeanightmare,allingreenandredandsilverandgold.Festivechaos.

Itmadeherfeeldizzy,andjustalittlelikeabullinachinashop.
“Makesureitlookspretty,”cameBlake’svoiceovertheradioatherhip.Theradioissuedbythe

firedepartment,theonesupposedlytobeusedforemergenciesonly.

Cristinasighed.Atthemomentshedidn’tcarethatBlakehadhadanincrediblyroughyearand

thatshelovedhimlikethebrothershe’dneverhad,shesnatchedtheradiooffherhipandsnarled,

“Yousentmeinhere,you’lldealwithwhatIpick.”

“Scrooge.”
Soshewasn’tafanofChristmas,sowhat.Shehadnofamilytospeakofotherthantheoneshe’d

madeatthestation,andthereforedidn’thavealotofhappyyuletidememories.Toher,Christmaswas
justanotherdayatthefirehouse,albeitwithbettergoodiestostealoutofthefridge.

“Makesureithassomeredflowersonit,”cameBlake’svoiceagain.“Shelovesredflowers,

apparently.”

Likeshecaredwhatsomehigher-up’swifeliked.Thelastchiefhadbeenaserialarsonist.Inher

eyes,thenewchiefstillhadtoprovehimself.“You’lllikewhatIpick,”sheinformedhimwithplenty
ofherfamedattitude.“Evenifitsmellslikesh—”

“Wow,somebodyreallyneedstogetlaid.”Therewaslaughterinhisvoicenow.
Yeah,okay,soshedidneedthat,desperately,butshe’ddonethestupidthinganddumpedDustin

afteronefantasticnightofamazingsex,andnowherefusedtohaveadditionalamazingsexwithout
“more,”whateverthehellthatmeant.

NotthatthatwasanyofBlake’sbusiness.
TheclerkclearedherthroatandheldupsomesortoffloralarrangementwithwhatevenCristina

hadtoadmitwasagorgeousmixofredflowersandgreenery,andasilverbowthatmanagednotto
lookobnoxious.“Okay,youaregood.”

Theclerksmiled.“Oh,I’mbetterthangood.Doyouwanttotakeitwithyouorhaveitdelivered?”
“Delivered,please.”Andwhileshepulledouttheaddressshe’dwrittendownandwaitedforthe

womantohandlethepaperwork,sheeyedthestoreagain.Withherchorenowcompleted,shecould
takeabreathofreliefandadmitthatmaybetheplacehadacharmtoit.Itdidsmelldamngood.She
eyedthesmalltreeonthecounter,filledwithtinyredenvelopes.“Whatarethose?”

“Apresent-in-an-envelope.Donatetwenty-fivebucksthatwillgotooneofseverallocalcharities,

andyougetasurprisedonatedfromalocalbusiness—aspatreatmentoradinnerfortwo,thingslike
that.”

Cristinadidn’tknowwhatcameoverherbutshedugintoheruniformpantsandpulledouta

twentyandafive.Scrooge,herass.

“Pickanenvelope,anyone,”theclerktoldhercheerfully.
Cristinadebatedamoment,thengrabbedone.
Feelingalittlesilly,sheexitedtheshop.Ontherig,Blakewasontheradiowithdispatchand

wavingtohertohurryupbecausetheyhadacall.

Asshehoppedintothetruckshereadhercard:Goodforonenight’sstayatSantaRey’smost

romanticgetaway—theSweetPeaBandB.

Terrific.Therewasonlyonemanshe’dwanttospendthenighttherewith,butDustinwouldn’tdo

it,notunlessshegavehimhisdamn“more.”Shestaredatthecard,rolledhereyesattheirony,then
shoveditinherpocketanddidasshedidwitheverythingthatdisturbedher.Shebrusheditasideand
letitgo.

***

D

USTIN

M

AUER

drovehisambulancewitheasypurpose,asalways.AsanEMT,heknewthedrill.Get

tothesceneasquicklyaspossiblewithoutriskinganyone’slife,assessthevictims,getthemthe
necessarymedicalcare.He’dbeendoingjustthatfornearlytenyears,sincegraduatingfromCal
Poly.Ithadn’tbeenhislifegoaltobeanEMT,it’dbeenmerelyameanstoanend,adecentpaycheck

withwhichtopayoffhiseducationdebtwhileheandhisbrotherJasonhadgottentheirrenovation
businessupandrunning.

ButthenJasonhadgoneintothemilitaryandtheirbusinesshadbecomeasortofsidedeal,asin,

theygottoitwhentheygottoit,andDustinhadgottencomfortablebeinganEMT.Plushewas
excellentatit,anduntilafewmonthsago,hadtrulylovedwhathedideveryday.

Thenhe’dfallenforthestubborn,gorgeousCristinaLewisandshe’ddumpedhim,andhe’dbeen

restlesseversince.

HepulleduptothemulticarpileuponHwy1.James,hisnewpartner,wastalkingtodispatch,but

hecouldseewhattheyfaced—abigrighadhitthecenterdivider,caughtfireandthentwoothercars
hadimpactedit,slidingbeneaththetrailer.Itwasachaoticmess,andallunitshadbeencalledtothe
scene.

Thefirefightersfromhisstationwerealreadythere.Blakewasworkingtheflames,andZachand

Aidanwereusingthejawsoflifetoextractthepeopletrappedinthefirstcar,whileSamandEddie
rescuedthewomaninthesecondcar.

Andthentherewasthestubborn,gorgeousheartbreaker,Cristina.Shestoodrightinthecenterof

itall,surroundedbytheblazingbigrigandthesmashedcars,feetfirmlyplantedwideasshehelda
hoseontheflames.Shewasinherfiregearfromheadtotoe,includingmask,sohecouldn’tseeher
face,buthedidn’tneedto.Herexpressionwouldbecalm,intense,determinedassheconcentratedon
thejobathand.

Muchasithadbeenwhenshe’ddumpedhimafterthebestnightofhislife.
Ashewatched,aburningchunkofdebrisflewoffthetrucktowardCristina’shead.Heartinhis

throat,heshoutedhernameevenasherealizedthefutilityofthat—shecouldn’thearhimoverthe
ruckusallaroundthem.Butshedidn’tneedhishelp.Sheeasilyleaptoutofthewaywithacasual
agility,asgracefulasacat,neverlettingupontheflamesshewasdrowning.

SamandEddiebroughtoverthefourvictimsfromthefirstcar,andDustintorehiseyesoff

Cristinatodohisjob.

She’dbeokay.
Hell,shealwayswas.Likeacat,heremindedhimself,alwayslandingonherfeet.
Atalenthe’dhavetolearn…
Unbelievably,hewrappedonlyafewminorscrapesandbruises,nothingserious,andthenthe

womanfromthesecondcarwasbroughttothem.

Shedidn’thaveanyinjuriesatall.Butastheysatthere,hercarexploded.
Dustin’sheadwhippedbacktothescene,hisgazeanxiouslysearchingfor—
There.Cristinawasthere,stillstandinginonepieceandhetookadeepbreath.
“MyGod,”thewomansaidinshocktenminuteslaterwhentheflameswereout.“Ican’tbelieve

we’reallstillalive.It’samiracle.”

“Actually,it’sgoodfirefighting.”
Theyturnedtothepetitebuttonedfirefighterwho’dcomeupbehindthem.ExceptDustin.He

didn’thavetolook.Heknewthesoundofhervoice,knewthesensationthathithimeverytimeshe
waswithinafewfeet.

“Youokay?”Cristinaaskedthewoman,pullingoffherhelmet.
“Yes,thankstoyou.Yougottherejustintime,Idon’tknowhowtothankyou.”
“It’smyjob.I’mgladtohelp.”
Dustinknewshemeantthatutterlysincerely.Muchashe’dlikeittobeotherwise,Cristinawasthe

job.Shelivedandbreathedforit,andlittleelse.

Ashe’dlearnedthehardway.
Shehadastreakofdirtoveronejaw,anotheracrossherforehead.Shehadhersilky,longblond

hairtiedbackasusual,hangingdowninsidethestiffcollarofherprotectivejacket,thoughseveral
strandswerestucktoherdamp,dirtyforehead.Shewasamess,andstilldrop-deadgorgeous.

FirefighterBarbie,herpartnerBlakehadoncedaredjoke.
Once.
Cristinahadbeensofuriousshe’dtongue-lashedhimforaweek.PoorBlake—Eeyoretothose

whoknewandlovedhim—hadnevermadethatmistakeagain.

ToDustin,Cristinawasmuchmorekick-asswarriorprincessthanBarbie,buthevaluedhislife

enoughtokeepthatparticularfantasytohimself.

“Youreallyshouldtakearidetothehospital,”hesaidtothewomanthey’drescued.“Justtomake

sure.”

“No,that’snotnecessary.I’vecalledmyfiancé,he’sonhisway.”Shewhippedaroundasaman

camerunninguptotherig,shoutinghernamehoarsely,instarkrelief.Thetwoofthemhugged
tightly.Dustinwatched,tryingtoremainimpartial,buthewasasorrysap,andthesesortsofreunions
gottohimeverysingletime.

“Areyouokay?”themandemanded,pullingbacktolookthewomanoverforhimself.
“I’mokay.”
“ThankGod.”Hehuggedhertight.“Youaremyentirelife,youknowthat,right?Ifsomething

happenedtoyou—”

“I’mokay.I’mrighthere.”Shehuggedhimasthoughsheneverintendedtoletgo,hereyes

closedasshebreathedhiminasifhewereherveryessence.“Iloveyousomuch.”

Dustinhadseensuchscenesdozensoftimes.Hundreds.Itstillgothim.HelookedatCristina,

who’dalreadyturnedaway.

Typical.Shewasuncomfortablewithpublicdisplaysofaffectionorlove.“Cristina.”
“Gottago,”shesaid.
Hefollowedherofftotheside,awayfromthevictimandherfiancé.“Right.Becausemessy

emotionsdisturbyou.”

Shewentstill,thenturnedandlookedathim.Thingswerewindingdownbehindthemnow.

Severalcopsweretakingstatementsandthetow-truckoperatorswereworkingonhookingupallthe
disabledvehiclestopullthemoffthehighway.

“Look,”shesaiddefensively.“Itwasjustonenight.”
“Andyouhadsuchabadtimethatyoucan’tbeartorepeatit?”
Shesighed.“Don’tmakemehurtyourmanlyfeelings,Dustin.”
Atthat,heout-and-outlaughed.Therewasnothingelsehecoulddo.“Areyougoingtotellmeit

wasn’tgoodforyou?”

Nowsheopenedhermouth,thenslowlyshutitagain.Hearchedabrow,waiting,knowingdamn

wellshe’dhadagreatnight,too.

Sherolledhereyesandtookastepclosertohim,sothattheirsteel-toedbootsweretouchingas

shestabbedafingerintohischest.“Okay,soIcameonceortwice.Bigdeal,it’dbeenawhileandI
wasprimed.Itdoesn’tmeanthatI’dliketorepeattheevent.Icandothatmyself.”

“Threetimes,”hesaidmuchmoretightlythanhewantedto.Heknewbetterthantotakeherbait

andsayanything,butwhenitcametoher,TheMostIrritatingWomanonthePlanet,hecouldn’tseem
tohelphimself.“Youcametwotimesbefore,andthenagainwhenIwasinsideyou.Canyougive
yourselfthat?”

Hewasn’tsurprisedwhenshespunonherheelandwalkedaway.
Afewminuteslater,Blakeclaspedahandonhisshoulder,havingcomeupbehindhim.“Notthe

smartestmove,man,pokingatthebear.You’regoingtogetbitten.”

Yeah.Beenthere,donethat,boughttheT-shirt.

CHAPTERTWO

T

HINGS

didn’tgoanyeasierthatnightforCristina,who,alongwithhercrew,workedintwenty-four-

hourshifts,threedayson,twodaysoff.Theyweregoingtoneedbothdaysofftorecoverafterthe
threefirecallsinquicksuccessionbetweenmidnightanddawn.ItwasstilldarkwhenCristinafinally
madeitbacktothestation,exhausted,filthyandstarving.

Noneofthosethingswerenew.Itseemedthatshespentmostofhershiftsinsomevarianceof

exhausted,filthyandstarving.Itwasawayoflife.Herlife.

Normallysheyelled“Shotgun”fortheshowerbeforeanyoneevengotofftherig,buttodayshe

lettheguysgoaheadofherbecauseshefelt…wiped.

Thestationwasacomfortable,old,two-storybrickbuilding,decoratedatthemomentwith

Christmasornamentsmadebyvariouselementaryschoolsintown,plusseveralsmalltreesandwhat
musthavebeenanentirebushofmistletoe.

Butshewasn’tgoingtobekissinganyfirefighters,notthisChristmas.
Thestationwasonthemaindraganddirectlyacrossthestreetfromthebeach.Theviewwas

alwaysgorgeous,nomattertheweather.Duringthedayshecouldstareatthewavesandthesurfersin
it,andinthehoursbeforedawn,shecouldwatchthemoonbeamsbounceoffthewhitecapsasshedid
now.

AssheslidofftherigintothecoolDecemberair,sheglancedatherwatch—4:30a.m.
Dustinstuckhisheadoutthefrontdoor,makingthedecoratedwreathhangingtheretinklenoisily.

“Cristina.”

Yes,thatwashername.Shereallywishedhewouldn’ttalktoheruntilshewascompletelyover

him,becausehehadoneofthoselow,whisky-thickvoicesthatmadeherquiver.

“Comeon.Comeinandgetahotshower.”
“I’mnotcold.”
“Getinhereanyway.”
ThatwasthethingaboutDustin,thedefiningthingthatgrabbedhereverysingletime—thewayhe

couldmakeaninstanttransformationfrommild-manneredguytotough,commandingalphamale.
“Inafew.”

“You’refilthy.”
Yeah,shehatedthatvoice’seffectonher.Wherewereherknees?Suddenlyshecouldn’tfeelthem.

“Well,you’refunny-looking.AtleastIcanshower.”

Hejustlookedather,notscaredofflikemost,andshesighed.“I’llbeinsideinafew.”
Hegaveheralongassessinglook,thenshutthedoor.Shesanktothefrontstepsandstaredoutat

thewater,tootiredtomove.Ifshehadevenanounceofenergyleftinher,she’dkickoffherboots
andwalktothesand.

Twenty-nineyearsoldandtoodamntiredtowalktothebeach.Thatwassopathetic,sheforced

herselftobendoveranduntieherboots,nudgingthemoff.Sheshovedhergrimysocksintothemand
leftthemonthefrontstep,crossingthestreetinherbarefeet.

EveninCaliforniaDecembercouldgetdownrightchilly,andsheshiveredwhenthecoolsandhit

hertoes.ThisyearshehadChristmasdayoff,andthetwodaysafterthat,aswell.Ararity.Maybeshe
shouldhoponaplaneandgosouth.AsintheSouthPacificsouth.Yeah,thatwouldwork.

Butshewouldn’t,andsheknewit.Forallherbravado,shewouldn’tenjoysuchathingbyherself,

andshehadnoonetotake,adepressingthought.

ShehadbeeninvitedtoSam’shouseforaChristmasfiestathathewasmakingwithhisgirlfriend,

Sara.OrshecouldheadwithEddietohissister ’shouseandbeoverrunwithkids.OrZachand
Brookehadaskedhertojointhem.SohadAidanandKenzie.

Shecoulddoanyofthat,butshe’dtoldthemallshehadplans,thatshewashavingathing.An

alonething,notthattheyknewthat.Muchasshelovedherfriendsandeventhoughtofthemasfamily,
whenitcamerightdowntoit,theyhadtheirown.

Thepredawnairwasn’tthatbad,maybefiftyish,butitwasaccompaniedbyabreezethathadthe

waterjusticyenoughtomakehergaspwhenthefirstwavewashedoverherfeet.

“Areyoucrazy?”
Shedidn’tturntoseewhohadspokeninthatquiet,raspytone.Herbodydidn’tmoveatall,except

ontheinside,wheresomethingoddhappeneddeepinherbelly—asortofquiverthatshechoseto
identifyasannoyance.

Thathernipplestightenedwassheercoincidence.
“I’mtryingtoenjoyamomenthere.”Sheshovedherhandsintoherpocketsratherthanfacethe

urgeshehadtograbontohim,justhaulhimclosebytheearsandlayoneonhim.Itwasso
ridiculous,thisinsaneattractionshehadforhim.Seriouslyridiculous.Itwasn’tasifhewasgoingto
giveBradPittarunforhismoney.Infact,hewastheoppositeofBradPitt,notGQgorgeousatall.

Actually,helookedalotlikeHarryPotterallgrownup:dark,perpetuallydisheveledhaircurling

aroundhisearstojustpasthiscollar.Laser-blueeyes,magnifiedbytheglassesherequiredtoseea
footpasthisface.Acrookedsmilethatwasbothself-deprecatoryandcontagious.Hewastall,lean
andlanky,and…hell.Hewasattractive,madeallthemoresobythefactthathehadabsolutelynoidea
howmuch.

Notthatshewasnoticing.
Nope,thatshiphadsailed.She’dhadhim,curiosityover.Hungersated.
Orsoshetoldherself.
Butdidhetakethehintandleave?No.Anyoneelsewouldhavesensedsomethinginhertoneand

backedaway,butnotDustin.Somehowshedidn’tscarehimoff.Somehowshedidn’tpisshimoff.

Itwasreallyquiteshocking.
And,sheadmittedtoherself,justateeny-tinybitofarelief.Peoplecameandwentinherlife.That

wasjustfact.Herfather?Neverknewhim.Hermother?TraipsingthroughEuropewithabackpack,
orsoshe’dsaidthelasttimeshe’dtouchedbasewithherdaughter,twoyearsagonow.Anyother
peoplewhohadlookedoutforCristinaduringherroughchildhood,andacquaintancessincethat
time,allhadmovedonandsohadshe.Apparently,shejustwasn’tthetypeofwomantoinspirelong-
termrelationships.Infact,herpersonalmottoreadsomethinglikeagovernmenthealthwarning:Stay
awayfromattachments,astheyposeaseriousthreattoyourbrains,walletandifyou’restupid
enough,yourheart.

Somehowshe’dbecomeafirefighterinsteadofastatistic.Throughtimeandsheerstubbornness

ontheguys’parts,she’ddevelopedfriendships.SheadoredBlakelikeabrother,adoredAidanand
Zach,adoredallofthem—butshestillhadalimitedamountofhowmuchofanyonethatshecould
take.

Thatdidn’tseemtobethecaseforDustin,damnhim.“Icameoutherealone.WhichmeansIwant

tobealone.Seehowthatworks?”

“Ihearwhatyourmouthissaying,buteverythingelse?”Heshiftedcloser,standingnexttoherso

thathershoulderbrushedhisarm.“Yourbodylanguage,yourbody…”

Wasitjustherordidhesoundallraspyand,dammit,sexy?
“Yeah,they’reallsayingsomethingelseentirely,”hemurmurednearherear,givingherasetof

goosebumps.

Sohe’dseenthehappynipples.Shecrossedherarmsoverherchest.“Foryourinformation,I’m

cold.”

“Hey,whateveryouhavetotellyourselftosleepatnight.”
Nowsee,that.Thatwasanotherthingthatmadehimdifferent.Hecalledheronallhershit,every

singletime.

Nooneelsedidthat.
Shefoundherselfstaringintohisglassesatthoseshockinglyblueeyes.“Whyaren’tyouafraidof

me?”

“MaybebecauseI’msobadassmyself.”
Shelaughed.
“Okay,”hemuttered.“Notsobadass.ButIseethesoft,marshmallowCristina.”
“I’mnotsoft.Anywhere.”
“Well,webothknowthat’snottrue.”
Therehewentwiththesexinessagain.
Heshiftedevencloser,rightintoherpersonalbubble.“Iseeyou,Cristina.Iseethewomanwho

feedsthestraycatherleftoversandwich.”

“Onlywhenthebreadisstale.”
“Theonewhoalwaysshovesallhersparechangeinthehomelessguys’handseverytimewego

downtown.”

“Ihatehavingchangeinmypocket.”
“Thewomanwholooksatmeandhereyesmelt.”
“Hellno,theydon’t.”
Hejustlookedather,smilingknowingly.
Ah,crap.“Shutup.”
Hedid,notbecausesheasked,butbecausehelikedtobequietsometimes,asshedid.
Hegotherthewaynooneelsedid.
Alltheotherswouldgetofftheirshiftandgohometosomething,someone.She’dgotoher

apartmentandbidehertimeuntilshecouldgobacktowork.Because,withnorealfamily,workwas
herlife.

Dustinhadagreatfamily:hismom,hissister,hisbrother…he’dlosthisdadafewyearsbackto

cancer,andclearlymissedhimsomuch,buttherestofthemwerestillveryclose.Soclosethey
constantlynosedaroundinhislifeanddrovehimcrazy,andyethelovedthemmadly.Cheerfully.

HeandCristinawerepolaropposites.Heknewthis.Sheknewthis.Sowhydidhehavetobethe

onetogetherpantiesalltwisted?Whyhim?

Ignoringherwithaneaseshe’dneverquitemanagedwithhiminreturn,hekickedoffhisown

bootsandsocksandimmediatelyhissedoutashockedbreathasthewavessplashedoverhistoes.

Shelaughedagain.
Atthesound,Dustinshovedhisglassesfurtheruponhisnoseandtookagood,longlookather.
“What,”sheaskedsomewhatdefensively.“You’veneverseenmelaughbefore?”
“Notsince…”
“Sincewhat?”

“SinceweplayedstrippokerandIlost.”
Oh,boy,wasthatnightimprintedonherbrain.Hercarhadbrokendown.He’dtakenherhome,

andthencomeinforaquickdrink,andsomehowhe’dcharmedherintoplayingagameofcards.
Beingacardmaster,she’dreadilyagreed,thenscammedhim,conninghimrightoutofhisclothes
justoutofcuriosity.

BeneathhisEMTuniform,he’dbeenhidingasensualdelightoflong,leanmuscle,andshe’d

gonefromcurioustoarousedinzeropointfour.

They’dslepttogetherthatnight.Evennowherbodytingledasitremembered,butsheliftedher

chin.“IlaughedbecauseyouhadSpongeBobSquarePantsonyourboxers.”

Hedidn’tlookembarrassedbutamused.ThatwasthethingaboutDustin,hewascomfortablein

hisownskin.“Itwaslaundryday,andmymomboughtmethoseboxers.”

They’dmadeherhot.AnotherwavesplashedovertheirtoesandDustinsuckedinaharshbreath,

backingupinsurrender.“Okay,youwin,”hesaid.“You’rethecoolkid.Nowcanwegoin?”

“Idon’twanttogoin.”
“Whatdoyouwant?”
Sheletoutalowlaughthatinadvertentlyexposedhermisery,andheshiftedtofaceher,puttinga

handonherarm.“Areyougettingamigraine?”

Yeah,heknewher.Reallyknewher.Andworse,hecared.Goddammhim.“No.Areyouwearing

SpongeBobSquare-Pantsnow?”

Thecornerofhismouthquirked.“Nottelling.”Hestrokedaroguestrandofhairfromher

forehead,lettinghisfingertrailoverhertemple,therimofherear.

Sheshiveredandsurrendered,aswell,steppingintohim.“Dustin…”
Forabriefmoment,hisotherhandcameup,brushingdownherback,settlinglowonherspine.

Heturnedhisfaceintohers,lettingthetipofhisnoserunalongherjaw,hismouthbrushthe
undersideofherthroatlightlybeforehesighedandwenttostepback.

Shegrabbedhim,fistedherhandsinhisshirtandheldontightly,sohecouldn’tgoanywhere.

“Please,”shewhispered,horrifiedtoheartheneedinessinhervoice.

Thankfully,shedidn’tneedtofinish.Heknewwhatshewasasking.Pleaselet’sgetnaked.Please

makemybodyhumagain.Pleasehelpmefindobliviontonightinyourarms.

Forablessedmomentheheldherclosetohishard,warmbody,andshefeltasurgeoftriumph.

Butthenwithalowgroan,heshookhishead,settingherawayfromhim.“No.”

“Why?There’snotsomeoneelse.”Eventhethoughtstoppedherheart.
“Youknowdamnwellthereisn’tanyoneelse.”
“Then—”
“Stopit.”Hemethergaze.“Youknowwhy.”
“Supposeyoutellmeagain.”
“Yourunandrunandrun,neverslowingdown,alwaysworking,alwayskeepingbusy.”
“So?”
“Sothenyou’resoexhaustedthatyoucanbarelymove.Butwhenyourbodyfinallyforcesyouto

takeamoment,youlookaroundandrealizeyou’realone.Youhatealone.Soyouseewhocanfulfill
you.”

“Andyoufitthebill.Perfectly.”Shearchedagainsthimfeelingthehardbulgebeneathhiszipper

thatassuredherhefeltthesameway.“What’stheproblemhere,Dustin?Suddenlyyoudon’tlike
sex?”

“Idon’tlikemeaninglesssex.Notwithyou.”

Shemanagedanotherlaugh.“That’sridiculous.”
Hedidn’tsmile,andhersfadedasshewhirledaway.Buthepulledherbackaround.Theirgazes

met.

Locked.
Held.
Shefeltthejoltcleardowntohertoes,whereitbouncedandhitallhergoodspots.Butnowwas

notthetimetomelt.“Sowhatnow?Yougoingtogofindsomeoneelse?”

Hisfingersweretightonherarm.Nothurtingher,neverhurtingher,butfirmenoughthatshe

couldn’thavepulledawaywithouthurtinghim.Hiseyeswerefierce,hisbrowfurrowed,hisglasses
slippingdownhisnose.Beneaththehandsshe’dsettohischestshecouldfeeltheheavybeatofhis
heart.Anditdidsomethingtoher,madeherfeelsomething…basic.

Hiseyeswidenedslightly,signalingthatshewasn’taloneinthis.Nope,thecool,laid-back,

easygoingmanwasworkedup,too.

Whichwasgood,becausesheneededhim.Him.Nooneelse.Nooneelsecouldmakehersizzle

likethis—andshe’dtried.

Fistingherfingersinhisshirt,shetuggedhimclosetokisshim,hardanddeep.Therumbleofhis

groancameupfromhischest.Theraspofhisfive-o’clockshadowscrapedherchin.Thescentof
himshecouldn’tgetenoughof,fillinghernostrilsasallherbonesliquefiedashisfingerstightened
onher.

Dustin.Dustinwasfinallyinherarmsagain,kissingherlikehe’dbeendyingwithouther.
Hismouthwaswarmanddelicious,softyetfirm,pureunadulteratedpleasure.God,hewassucha

goodkisser.Shehadn’thadtimelatelytodwellonthatbutshetookthetimenowashistongue
strokedherswiththeslow,sureprecisionofamaster.Heknewhowtotakehistime,thatwascertain,
andshefullyappreciatedhisskill.

Shecouldn’thavestopped,butthatwasokaybecausehedoveintothekisswithher,makingher

feelmarginallybetteraboutthewholething.Shewasn’taloneinthis.Notevenclose.Hehauledher
upagainstthatchiseled,hard-earnedbody,hishandshotandrough,whichmatchedthehot,rough,
raggedgroantornfromhisthroat.

Definitelynotaloneinthis…
Shestrainedagainsthimasherushedtotouchasmuchofherashecould,makingherbodyhum,

andthen…andthenhernosebumpedintohisglassesandhepulledbacksofastshestaggeredastep
andnearlyfellonherass.

Hisglasseswerefogged,andwithaharsh,annoyedsound,hetuggedthemoffandwipedthemon

hisshirtbeforejammingthembackon.“Itoldyou.I’mnotgoingtoscratchyouritch.”Hischestwas
stillrisingandfallingfromthekiss,buthisvoicesoundeddisturbinglyweary.Bending,hegrabbed
hisshoes.Sheexpectedhimtowalkawayfromher.

Mostdid.Afterall,shesawtothat,didn’tshe?
Butsheshouldhaveknownbetter.Dustinwasn’tlikemostpeople.Hewasn’tlikeanyoneshe’d

evermet.Straightening,mouthstillwetfromhersbutgrim,heofferedherahand.

Shestaredatit.
“Showerandbed,”hesaidveryquietly…indirectoppositiontohisbreathing.
“Alone,”hespecified.
Damn.Andyetasmallpartofherknewshe’dbeluckytomanageashowerbeforecrashing.
She’dsummonedthelastofherenergytogethere,tosparwithhim,tokisshim,butnowshefelt

asifshe’dhitthewall.Nothingleftinthetank.

Empty.
God,shewantedherbunkalmostmorethanshewantedhernextbreath,andyetitseemedlike

suchachore.ButDustinwouldgetherwheresheneededtogo.

Somehow,someway,healwaysdid.

CHAPTERTHREE

W

HENTHEIRSHIFT

endedateighto’clockthatmorning,Dustinsteppedoutsideandwatchedindisbelief

asCristinadraggedhersexybuttiredasstothesideofthebuildingandunlockedherbike.

They’djusthadaroughnight,asroughasitgets,wherethey’dhadmaybeanhourofsleep

brokenintofifteen-minuteincrements,andshewasgoingtorideherbikehome.

Hard-coreCristina.
Shewastough,sotoughthatpeopleoftenforgotthatshehadagoodreasontobeso.Shedidn’t

talkaboutherselfmuch,ifever.Whatinformationhehadonherhe’dprettymuchpiecedtogether
fromfiveyearsofknowingher.Hermotherhadhadherwhenshewasonlysixteen,andwhileshe’d
doneherbest,herbesthadoftenmeanthangingwithmenwhoweren’tthegreatestinfluenceand
ruledwithaheavyfist.Cristinanolongerkeptincontactwithhermother,andshe’dneverlearned
whoherfatherwas.Shehadnosiblings,andasfarasDustincouldtell,shedidn’tkeepalotof
friendsoutsidethestation.

Insidethestation,however,shelovedthemallfiercely,grumpily,andthatlovewasreturned,

thoughnotasgrumpily.Anyoneoftheguyswouldlaydownhislifeforher,himselfincluded,and
shefeltthesame.EarlierintheyearwhenherpartnerBlakehadbeenwronglyaccusedofarson,
she’dsteadfastlyandvocallyobjected,andhadneverwantedtobelievetheworstofhim,evenwhen
alltheevidencehadbeenfirmlystackedagainsthim.

Thepeopleofstation#34wereherfamily.Hewasherfamily.Andshewasafraidtomesswith

that.Hegotthat,hereallydid,hejustknewdeepdowninsidethatwhattheyhadcouldbesomuch
deeper,ifonlyshe’dletit.

But,badassasshewas,insideshewasterrified.Terrifiedoflettinggo,terrifiedofallowinghim

tooclose,terrifiedofgettinghurt.

Whatshedidn’tunderstandwasthathefeltthosefears,too.Buthe’dalwaysfeltthatlifewasworth

living,fearsandall,thatifhedidn’tgoforit,thenwhybother?

Shefumbledwiththebikelockandsworeagain.
Walkaway,hetoldhimself.He’dmadethedecisionthatshewasbadforhim.Badforhisself-

esteem,badforhisego,badforeverything.

Except…ah,hell,herecametheexcuses…excepttherewassomethingabouther.Somethingabout

thewayherbrainworkedthatwassuchaturn-on.Andthentherewasthewayshemadehimlaugh.He
camefromalivelyfamily.Theywereallopinionatedandtheyallwerethinkers,andtheyallmade
himlaugh.

ButCristinaslayedhim.
God,thatwassexy.Shewassexy.Thatthoughtmadehimwanttosmilebecauseatthemomentshe

worebaggysweatbottomsandasnuglong-sleevedthermaltop,withherlongblondhairdownand
stillwetfromhershower.Notanounceofmakeup.Hecouldseetheexhaustionineverylineofher
trimbody.She’dlaughherassoffifhetoldherhefoundhersexy,justasshewas.

Butshehadawayofdrawinghiminnomatterwhatshelookedlike.Hecameupbehindherin

timetohear,“Goddamnmotherf—”

“Trouble?”heasked.
Shespunthelockandrubbedherundoubtedlyblearyeyes.“No.”Sheattemptedthelockagain.

Itwasthreemilestoherapartmentfromhere.Threemilesinwhichshecouldrunherselfintoa

carorunderabus.

“Cristina.”
Sheyawned,wide.“Yeah.”
“Letmegiveyouaride.”
Anotheryawn.“Nah,I’mgood.”Butsherestedherforeheadonthelockandclosedhereyes.
Settinghisfingersoverhers,hegrabbedherhandandpulledherupright.Shewassolimpshe

actuallyletherselfleanonhimforamoment,whichdammit,madehisarmsgoaroundherandhold
ontight.

Herwethairstucktothestubbleonhisjaw.Itsmelledgood,likeher,likewarm,tiredwoman.

God,hewassuchasucker.“I’mdrivingyouhome.”Andagluttonforpunishment,let’snotforget
that.

Surprisinghim,sheallowedherselftobeledtohistruck,lethimputherbikeinthebackforher.

Onceinthepassengerseat,sheleanedherheadbackandclosedhereyes.“It’sagoodthingI’mso
tired,orI’dhavetokickyourassforbossingmearound.”

“Isthatright?”
Ahintofasmilecrossedherlips.“No.”Shewassodrowsyherwordswereslurred.“Actually,

whenyougetallgruffanddemandinglikethis,itturnsmeon.”

“Stopit.”
“It’strue.Whenyougoallroughandmanly,itgivesmetheshivers.”
Shehadawickedgrinonherfacenow,withhereyesstillclosed,andhehadtosmileandshake

hishead.Shewasteasinghim.“AndhereIthoughtwomenwantedsensitivityandsweetness.I’vebeen
goingaboutitallwrong.”

“Seemslike.”
Hepulledintoherapartmentcomplex,gotoutofhistruckandcamearoundforherjustasshe

wasgettingherfeetbeneathher.“I’vegotitfromhere,sailor.”Shepattedhischeek.“Butthanks.”

“Uh-huh.”Insteadofwalkingaway,hetookherarmandledhertoherfrontdoor.
“Thisisn’tnecessary.”Sheunlockedherdoorandblockedhimfromcomingin.“Seeyouinafew

days.”

Puttinghishandsonherarms,hegentlybutfirmlypushedherinside,thenfollowedherin,

kickingthedoorshutbehindhim.

“Look,Ijustwantanothershowerwithhotwaterthistime,andmybed,”shesaid,sounding

crankynow.“AndI’daddsextothatlist,butyou’vealreadyshotmedownonthatscore,sogetthe
hellout.”

He’dbeeninsideherplaceafewtimes.Anicecouch,asmallTV,shelveswithafewbookshere

andthere,andaplantthatwaseithercomingbacktolifeorhalfwaydead.“Where’syourChristmas
tree?”

Shedidn’tanswerhim.
“Yousaidyouwerehavingathing.Youturneddownalltheinvitesyougotbecauseyouwere

havingathing.”

“Iamhavingathing.”
Analonething.Hegotthatnow.She’dlied,whichhehated.
Asiftooburnedouteventomove,shesanktohercouchandcoveredhereyes.
Thesoft,exhaustedsighdidhimin.
“Getup.”Heheldoutahand.“Comeon.”

Sheopenedhereyesandstaredathisfingers.“Forwhat?”
“Shower.Bed.”
“Isthataninvitation?”
Rollinghiseyes,hepulledheruphimselfandtookherdownthehallwaytoherbathroom.Inhis

experience,awoman’sbathroomwasherholysanctuary,filledwithallthemysteriesoffeminine
beauty:bottles,creams,tubes,brushes,lingeriehungtodry.

NotCristina’sbathroom.Asalways,itwascleanandunlikethewomanherself,devoidoflife.

“I’vealwayswondered.Where’sallyourstuff?”

“Whatstuff?”
“Yourgirlstuff.”
Shepulledopenadrawer,revealingabrush,atubeofmascaraandabottleofbodylotion.

“Here.”

“That’sit?”
“No.”Shepulledopenherotherdrawer,whichheldanunopenedboxoftamponsandanopened

boxofcondoms.

Hestaredatthecondomsandthoughtdownboy.Tellinghimselfitdidn’tmatterhowmany

condomsweremissing,hecrankedonthehotwaterandturnedtoher.

Shewaslookingathimcuriously.“You’redoingitagain.”
“What,breathing?”
“Beingassertive.”
“Yeah?How’sthisforassertive.Strip.”
Shestoppedinmidyawnandraisedabrow.
“Strip,”herepeated.“Shower.Andthenifyou’reagoodlittlegirl,I’lltuckyouinbeforeIleave.”
Nowthoseeyesnarrowed.“Soyou’rebeingallsexyforwhat,justtoteaseme?Getout.”
“Sure.AssoonasItakecareofyou,sinceyou’retoostubborntodoityourself.”
“Seriously,whatthehellisyourproblemthismorning?”
Theboxofcondomswasopen,thatwashisproblem.“Takeyourdamnshower.”
“Fine.”Shepulledoffhershirt.
Shewasn’twearingabra.“Jesus,Cristina.”
“Hey,I’mjustfollowingdirections.”Sheshoveddownhersweats,revealingaminisculeblack

thong.Thenthatwasgone,too,andwithasmuglookonherface,shesteppedintotheshowerand
shutthecurtaininhisface.

Heletoutaslow,longbreath.“Good.I’lljust…”standhereashardasarock“…leaveyoutoit.”
“Oh,no.Youpromisedtotuckmein.”Shestuckherheadaroundthecurtainandeyedhim,her

hairstucktoherhead,framingherface,whichwaspalewithdarkcirclesbeneathhereyes.Still,she
battedthemforallshewasworth.

Spinningonhisheels,heforcedhimselftoleavethebathroomratherthanstripdownandjoinher.

Inthekitchen,heputwaterontoboilandsearchedthecupboards,whichwereprettybare,buthe
foundsometeabags.

Heheardtheshowergooffwhilehewaswaitingfortheteatogetgoodanddark,thewayshe

liked.Thenhedrewadeepbreathandheadedbackdownthehall,remindinghimselfthathewasonly
goingtogiveherthetea,tuckherinandwalkaway.

Nomatterhowfreakingfantasticshelookednaked,andnomatterhowmuchhewantedher.
Nomatterwhat.

***

C

RISTINASTOOD

beneathhershowerandletthehotwaterpoundathersoremuscles.She’dheldup

prettywellinfrontofDustin,butshefeltatelltaletightnessinherchest,andtheburninginherthroat
toldhershewasaninchfromlosingit.

IfDustinhadstuckaroundforanotherminutehemighthavecaughton,butthiswasapityparty

foroneonly.Workhadbeentoughoverthepastfewdays,butthatwasn’twhathadgottentoher.

ItwasChristmas.
Shehatedthethird-wheelfeeling,hatedhowitmadeherfeellikeastupid,unwantedkidallover

again.Sheputherfacerightintothewaterandtoldherselfthatthepricklebehindhereyeswassimply
fromthespray,nothingelse,butonlywhensheranoutofhotwaterdidshestepoutoftheshower,
grabatowelandgointoherbedroom.SheplannedtopullonabigT-shirtandapairofboxersand
getintobedforatleasteightstraighthours.

ButthenDustinwalkedintoherbedroom,holdingamugofteathatsmelledsogoodshenearly

jumpedhimforit.

Hehandedoverthemugbutstayedinthedoorway,carefullynotlookingatherbed,whichmeant

hegotagoodlookatherface,fartooclosealookforherowncomfort.

“What’sthematter?”heaskedquietly.
Wasthereanythingworsethansomeoneaskingthatquestionwhenyouweresoclosetolosingit

youcouldtastethetears?“Otherthanyouwon’tdome?Nothing.”

Steppingcloser,hesnaggedherarm,reelingherin,staringintohereyesforalongmoment.
“Letgoofme.”
Hedidn’t.Ofcoursehedidn’t.“Tellmewhat’swrong.”
Shefeltherbellyhitchfornostupidreasonatall,excepthewasn’tbeinghisusuallaid-back,

easygoingselftoday,butanewaggressiveandassertiveDustin,andcombinedwiththefrustration
simmeringinhisvoice,itallequaledtoomuchsexyforher.“I’mjusttired.”

Histhumbglidedoverherjaw,hisfingersslippingintothewethairatthenapeofherneck.

“Cristina.”

God,thewayhesaidhername,asifshematteredawholegreatbigbunch.“Look,”shemanaged

inaboredvoice.“Ifyou’renotgoingtogetnaked,thengetthehellout.IsaidI’mtired.”

Hesighed,thenliftedhishandswithaquickshakeofhishead.“Fine.”Andthen,justasshe’d

wanted,heturnedaway.

Good.
Perfect.
Shecouldfeelthoseunwantedtearsstickinherthroatsosheruthlesslyheldherbreath.Buthe

walkedsodamnslowly!Bythetimehegottothedoorway,shehadtosuckinairorsuffocate.

Hewhirledaround.“Whatwasthat?”
Sheshookherhead.“Nothing.”I’mfine.Lookatmebeingfine…
Butthenhetookagoodlookatherfaceandsaidhernamesoftly,andsheshockedthehelloutof

bothofthembycoveringherface.

“Ah,Cristina.”
“Go,”shemanagedinaperfectlyeven,perfectlypissed-offvoice.
Buthisfootstepscamecloserinsteadofheadingoutthedoor.Andthenextthingsheknew,he’d

tuggedherhandsfromherfaceandlookedherrightintheeyes.“You’renotokay.”

“Whythehellwon’tyoujustgo?”sheasked,baffled.“Youwantto,youknowyoudo.”

Grimly,hebegantopullherin,thoughsheresisted.Themild-manneredDustinwouldhave

backedoff,buthewasn’thisusualmild-manneredselfatall.

Shecouldhavefoughthimandwon,butherfighthadlefther,gonesouthforthewinter.Instead

shesaggedintohimandpressedherfacetohisthroat.

CHAPTERFOUR

D

USTINHAD

noideawhatwasgoingthroughCristina’smindasshestoodthereinhisarms.He

couldn’tpossiblyguess,buthedidknowhewasn’tgoinganywhereuntilhefoundout.Hehada
reputationforbeingquietandeasygoing,butbeingwiththiswomanmadehimtheopposite.Onlyshe
coulddothistohim,makehimfeelsorevvedup.“Talktome.”

Shemadeasound,alow,breathysoundthat,ifithadbeenanyotherwoman,he’dhavesaidwas

crying.

ButthiswasCristina.Kick-ass,rebel-queenCristina,whonevercried.She’donceproudlytold

himshehadn’tcriedsincesecondgrade,whenoneofhermother ’sboyfriend’sdogshadeatenher
onedoll,andshe’donlylostitbecausethedoghadchokedanddied.“Cristina.”

“Biteme.”
Hewould,gladly.Thatwastheproblem.“Spill.”
Shemutteredalongstringofvariousfour-letterwordsatthat,andifshehadn’tbeensoserious

aboutit,he’dhavesmiled.

Butthenasoftsoundescapedher,andheknewshewasn’tanywhereclosetosmiling,andittorea

holeinhisheart.“Baby,you’resotired.”

“Justshutupaminute,”shewhispered.“Justshutupandstandhereandholdme.”
Hecoulddothat,fornow.Hehadhisarmsaroundher,onehandinherhair,theotheronthesmall

ofherback,fistedinthetowelaroundher.Hewashuggingher.Comfortingher.

Thatwasit.
Butsuddenlyinthehuge,overhangingsilencesurroundingthem,hebecameawareofthesilky

disarrayofherwethair,andhowgooditsmelled.Oftheimprintofhersmallbodyagainsthis,
coveredonlyinthatdamptowel,whichdidn’tmatterbecausehecouldstillseethepictureofherin
hisminddroppingherclothesbeforegettingintotheshower.

Thenherhandwriggledupbetweenthem,flatagainsthischestassheliftedhergazetohis.
Inthatverysecond,theembracewentfromsimplecomforttosomethingelse.
Andhewasn’talone.
Slowly,shecameupintiptoeandtouchedhermouthtothecornerofhis.Hewentinstantlyhard.
Hermouthstilltouchinghis,shewentstill,preternaturallystill,andthenshivered.
Andnotfromthecold.
Heslidahanddownherside,reachingforherhand,entwininghisfingersinhers,movingtheir

now-joinedhandstothesmallofherbackbecausehecouldn’tbearhertouchinghimandnothaving
her.

Butthemotionarchedherspinejustenoughtohaveherbreastspressingintohischest,bellyto

belly,thightothigh,andhegroaned,unabletoholditin,thesoundmoreapleathananythingelse.

Herlipsparted,answeringthatplea,andthatwasitforhim.Rippingoffhisglasses,heopenedhis

mouthonhers,kissingher,hardandlong.

Nothavingher.
God,whatabig,fatliethatwas.Hewasgoingtohaveher,hereandnow,andheknewit.
Theybothknewit.
Thekisswaseverything,hotandgiving,sweetandunbearablysexy,sendingwavesofdesireand

hungerthroughhisbody,poolingbetweenhisthighsinhisgroin.

Hewaslost,agoner,drowninginthesensations,thefeelofherbodyagainsthis,hersweettongue

inhismouth,thewaytheyfittedagainsteachotherasifit’dbeenmeanttobe.Evenwhenthekiss
finallyended,hekepthismouthagainsthers,goingstill,justbreathingherin.

Thensheliftedherhead,hereyesmeetinghis,filledwithaquestionmark.
Hemovedhishandagainstthesleekstrengthofherback.Shewassmall-boned,petiteagainsthim,

almostfragile,butheknewthatwasdeceptive.Inreality,shewasthestrongestwomanheknew.

Walkawaynow,hetoldhimself.Run,orthistimeyou’regoingtofallalltheway,andshe’ll

stompalloveryourheart.

Again.
Andyetheknewthatwithonlytheslightestencouragementfromher,he’dpullherdowntothe

couchanddosomethingcompletelycrazyandstupidandtotallyamazing,likeyankoffthetoweland
kisseverysinglesquareinchofthatgloriousbodyuntilshemadethosesexylittlesoundsintheback
ofherthroatthatshemade,theonesthatgrewprogressivelymoredesperaterightbeforeshecame,
theonesthatteasedhimintoasexualfrenzysuchashe’dneverknown.

“Dustin.”Sheputherhandsonhisface.“Howisitthatyou’realwaystherewhenIneedyou?”
Yeah.Hewasn’tgoingtorunorevenwalk.Nowayinhell.Notwhensheneededhim.
“Dustin.”Shewasstillstaringdeeplyintohiseyes,whichwasthethingaboutCristina.Everything

aboutgettingtooclosetohimterrifiedher,andyetshedidn’tlookaway.

Nothinglessthanutterlydirectatalltimes,shetookhishandandturned,leadinghimbacktoher

bedroom.

Andhewentwillingly.

***

C

RISTINASTOPPED

atthefootofherbedandglancedatDustin.God,theslightlybefuddled,extremely

turned-onexpressionheworemadeherkneesweak.Everythingabouthimmadeherkneesweak.
Madeallofherweak.

Andwasn’tthatjusttheproblem?
Shedidn’tdoweak,atleastnotknowingly.Andyet…andyetthisman.God,thisman.Whenshe

waswithhim,shecouldgivein,couldbeweak,becausehewasthereforher.

Always.
Sheneededhim,andshedidn’tunderstandwhy,whenshe’dneverneededanyoneinherentirelife.

Hervagueanxietyaboutthatwasn’tgoingtostopher,notwhenshefinallyhadhimhereagain.
Slowlyshedroppedhertowelattheirfeet.

Hesquinted,focusinghardtoseeher,lookingbothadorableandsexyashell.“Cristina—”
Sheputherfingerstohislips,notwantingtohearyetagainwhyhewasn’tgoingtodothiswith

her.Sheknewallthereasonswhytheyshouldn’tdothisagain.

Butsheneededhim,neededhimlikeair,neededhismouthhot,histonguewet.Sheneeded—God.

Sheneededsomuchthateachtouchstrokedherfromtheinsideout,andshesteppedcloseandkissed
himtogetmore.

Dustinliftedhismouthfromhers.
“No,”shegasped.“Don’tstop.”
Withalow,raggedgroan,hecuppedherfaceandshookhishead.“I’mnotstopping.I’mnot

strongenoughforthat.”

Actually,hewasoneofthestrongestmenshe’deverknown,butshewasn’tgoingtoquibble,not

whenhewasgoingtogiveherwhatshewanted.

Him.
Justhim.
Hepulledherinforanotherhot,wet,druggingkiss,herincrediblysexyEMT,akissthathadher

—nosoftieherself—quivering.Hehadawayoftouchingher,oflookingather,goodLord.She
wantedthiskisstolastuntilChristmas.

Ofnextyear.
Butthenhesteppedback.
“Dammit!”
“Shh…”
Oh,nohedidn’t.
Butheonlywantedtodraghisshirtoverhishead,givingheraquickglanceatsleekskinandhard

sinewwhichmadehermelt,thoughnotasmuchashisnakedpiercinggazedidasheyankedherback
againsthim.“Wherewerewe?”

“Righthere.”Sheslidherfingersintohishair,strainingtoreachhismouth,butheheldheroff,

justlookingather,hiseyessodarkandsexyherkneeswobbled.“What?”

“You’rebeautiful.”
“You’reblindwithoutyourglasses.”
“Ihaveyoumemorized.”
Shesighed.God,shewasacompletesapifthatwasworkingonher.“You’rebeautiful,too,”she

admitted.“Andyoureyes…”

“Asblindasyousaid.”Hesquintedwithexaggerationandusedhishandsasifhecouldn’tsee,

coppingaquickfeel.

Thatmadeherlaugh,butitbackedupinherthroatwhenherubbedherupagainsthim.Oh,yeah.

Hersoft,sweet,sensitiveDustinwasn’tshowinghisusualside,andshelovedit,boththatandthe
slightroughedgetohishandsashekissedheragain,hismouthbindinghertohimwhileheundidhis
jeans,lettinggoofherlongenoughtograbacondomfromhiswalletandshovethejeansoff.

Shesatonthebed,scootingbacktomakeroomforhimashecrawledupherbodyandreached

forherhands,holdingtheminhisoneithersideofherfaceasheleanedoverher.“Besure,”he
murmured.“Bedamnsure.”

Shelookedupathim.Hewassogorgeous,somuchmorethanshe’dletherselfsee,andsomuch

morethansheherselfcouldeverbe,andsuddenlyshefaltered.Forherthiswasarelease,agreatone,
butnothingmore.Itwasn’tthesameforhim,sheknewthat.Whatshedidn’tknowwasifshecoulddo
ittohim—

“You’vechangedyourmind,it’sokay—”
“No.”God,no.Herinsidesweretrembling,makingherfingersfartoounsteadyforhertaste,and

sheuncharacteristicallyclosedhereyesasshetouchedhisjaw.“Youdon’tunderstand.I—”You’retoo
goodforme,forthis…

Asifheunderstood,hetouchedhisforeheadtohers,hisbreathingraspinginandoutroughlyas

hetookinsomeair.“Cristina.”

Inararemomentofcowardice,shesqueezedhereyestighter.
“Lookatme.”
Obeyingthatraggedcommand,shemanagedtoopenhereyesandmeethis.
“It’sjustyouandme.Justus.Andwealreadyknowhowgoodthatcanbe.Letmeshowyouhow

goodthiscanbe,aswell.”Andhekissedhershoulder.Hercollarbone.Abreast,whichhesoftly
suckedintohismouth.Whenshegasped,hecontinuedhislittletourofherbody,headingfarther
south,kissingarib,herbellybutton,ahip…

Shifting,heranhishanddownherleg,gentlynudgingitopensothathecouldkissfirstoneinner

thighandthenthenext.

Andtheninbetween.
Shestoppedthinkingthenandstoppedbreathing,too,whilehetookherstraighttoimplosionin

fivepointfourseconds.

WhenshecamebacktoplanetEarth,hewasworkinghiswayupherbody,lookingquitehotand

bothered.Onceagain,helacedhisfingerswithhersasheslowlyeasedherlegsapart.“Youdohave
themostbeautifuleyes.Keeplookingatme.”

Shecouldfeelhimhardandheavybetweenherlegs,glidingagainstherthrobbingandalready

verywetflesh.“I’mlooking.”

“Youseeme.”Heheldhergazeasheslowlypushedintoher,hardandthick,fillingherso

completelythatshecouldn’tstopthesmallcryofpleasurefromescapingherthroat.

“Iseeyou,”shepromisedonaroughbreath,archingupformore,forallofhim,wrappingher

legsaroundhiswaist.

“Keepseeingme.”Andhebegantomoveinsideher,makinglovetoherwithsuchbeautifulfierce

carethatshefoundherselfrockingintohim,beggingforherreleaselongbeforeheallowedit,
showingherexactlyhowgoodhewasforher,exactlyhowmuchsheneededhimandhowmuchhe
couldloveher.

Ifonlyshe’dlethim.
Andforthatmomentintime,shedidlethim,letherself.Shecompletelygaveintoit,letting

herselfsoar,contenttobeinhisarmsforaslongashe’dholdher.

Oratleastaslongasshecouldstanditbeforethedoubtsandfearsovertookheragain.

***

H

OURSLATER,

DustinstirredandreachedforCristina,knowingwhenhefeltthecoldsheetsthathewas

aloneinherbed.

Rollingtohisback,hesighed,notbotheringtocallhimselfafoolforbelievingthatthistimeit

wouldbedifferent.Heshouldknowbetterbynow.

Itwasnevergoingtobedifferent,nothingwasevergoingtochange.
Excepthim.
Hecouldchange.
Hecouldgrowupandgetoverherandnotgiveherthepowertodothistohim.
Noteveragain.

CHAPTERFIVE

W

HEN

C

RISTINA

camebackfromherpunishinglylonghardrun,Dustinwasgone.Whichwasperfect,

shetoldherself.Excellent.Shedidn’tneedroundtwooranafter-sexcuddle.

Nope,shewasgood.
Walkingthroughtheapartmentshe’dlivedinforseveralyearsnow,livedinandbeencontentin,

shefoundherselftakingagoodlookaroundasDustinhad.Whenshe’dfirstmovedin,shehadn’t
beenabletoaffordawest-facingapartmentsoshecouldn’tseethebeach,butitwasthere,onlytwo
blocksaway,andwhensheopenedthewindows,shecouldsmellthesaltyoceanair.

Shehadminimalfurniturebutshedidn’tspendalotoftimehere,soshehadn’tfounditnecessary

tofilltheplaceupwithstuffshewouldneveruse.

Infact,shehadn’tfilledmuchofitatall,andasshetooktheplacein,sawthehalf-empty,clean

rooms,shecametotheuncomfortablerealizationthatDustinmightberight.

ShehadnothingChristmasyout,nodecorations,nothingpersonalatall.
She’dnevercaredbefore.Ithadn’tmattered,theholidayhadn’tmattered.Infact,littledidbeside

herwork.

Sowhenhadthatstoppedbeingenough?WhenBlakehadgonethroughsuchhellthisyear?When

she’dthoughthewasdeadandthatshe’dlostoneofthefewpeopleshe’dletherselfcareabout?

Orwhentwoothersonherteam,AidanandZach,hadeachfoundtheirrespectivesoulmatesin

BrookeandKenzie?Yeah,thathadshockedhertothecore,twostaunchbachelors,bothfallingso
hard.

Withasigh,shegatheredherlaundry,tellingherselfshedidn’tcarethatshedidn’thaveadamn

Christmastreeorsomestupiddecorations,andshesureashelldidn’tcarethatshedidn’thaveasoul
mate,becauseifshehad,thenshemightbedoinglaundryfortworightnowandthatwouldsuck.

Besides,shedidn’tevenknowifshebelievedinsoulmates.Theideaofit,thattherewasone

personinallthepersonsoftheworld,one,thatwasmeantforher,seemedcrazy.Withthoseodds,it
wasnowonderthatshe’ddecidednottolook.

Andyet…andyetasmallpartofherthoughtmaybeitwouldn’tbesobadtobedoingtwoloadsof

laundryinsteadofone,ifshehadcompanywhileshewasdoingthem.Shedumpedthefirstloadinto
herwashingmachine,and,hearingthecrinkleofpaper,stuckherhandsintoherpockets.Itwasthe
redenvelope,theonethathadcosthertwenty-fivebucksonawhim.

Forcharity.There.See?She’dmadeacontributiontoChristmas,andsomehow,ridiculously,the

thoughtcheeredherslightly.Untilsheopenedtheenvelopeandrememberedwhathertwenty-five
buckshadgottenher.

Thatone-nightromanticgetaway.SheandDustincouldhaverockedthatonenight.
Sheshouldjustthrowthecardawayandchalkitupasataxwrite-off.Therewasnoreasonevento

keepitaround…

Butasshepassedthetrashcan,sheslippedthecardbackintoherpocketinstead.

***

D

USTINWALKEDIN

thefrontdoorofhishouseandfoundhisbrotherslouchedonhiscouch,feetup,

remoteinhand,gameonthetelevision,asifhelivedthere.

Jasonnoddedagreeting,takingafewsecondstotearhisgazeoffthegame,butoncehedid,he

blinkedatDustin’sdisheveledappearance.“Eitheryougotyourasskickedbythejob,oryoujustgot
laid.”

Dustinkickedoffhisshoesanddroppedhiskeysandwallet,thensanktothecouchnexttohis

brother,whomhewasdamnhappytosee.“Yougotoffonleaveafewdaysearly.”

“Yeah.”Jasonwasn’tinhisNationalGuarduniform,butwearingjeansandavintageVanHalenT-

shirt.“ThoughtI’dhanghere,andwe’dgouptoMom’sforChristmasEvetogether.Nicechangeof
subject,bytheway.”

“Ihaven’tseenyouinsixmonths,youdon’twanttotalkaboutmyjob.”
“Okay,let’stalkaboutyougettinglaid.”
Dustinrolledhiseyesandleanedintohughisbrother,whomethimhalfwayandpulledhimin

tight.“Missedyouruglymugalittle.”

“Samegoes,bro.Samegoes.”Jasonofferedhimasodaandthechips,bothofwhichhadcome

fromDustin’sstash.“Thehouseiscomingalong.”

Dustinlookedaroundhim.They’dboughtittogetherseveralyearsback,rightbeforeJasonhad

reenlistedintheNationalGuard.Itwasaninvestmentoverandabovetheirusualrenovationprojects,
andasamajorfixer-upper,theinvestmentparthadbeenmostlyfaith.

ButwithJason’sdownpaymentandDustin’sphysicallabor,theplacereallywascomingalong.

Theycouldsell,puttheprofitsintoanotherhouseandstartoveragain.Theirsisterwantedthemtodo
thatandhireherpart-timeasacashlaborer,whichwouldbebothablessingsinceshewasahard
worker,andadamnedheadachebecauseshewasalsoapainintheass.

Butitwouldbeanicetransitionoutofhisjob,whichDustinhadbeenrestlessatforfartoolong

now.

“Shellycalledme,”Jasonsaid,readinghismindabouttheirbabysister.“She’sseeingsomeguy

namedChewy.ItoldherIwasgoingtohavetokickhisassfornoreasonotherthanheletspeople
callhimChewy.”

Dustinlaughed.“He’sallright.Andthey’renotserious.”
“Youcheckedhimout?”
“Yeah.He’sincollegelikesheis,andagoodkid,despitetheunfortunatename.”
“Allrightthen.”Jasonstaredatthegame.Drank.Ateafewchips.
Dustinlookedhimover.Stillthesamedarkhair,cutmilitarilyshort,andlightgrayeyeswhich

couldwarmwithaquicklaughorturntosteel.Jasonhadalwaysbeenabigguy,nearlysixfootfour,
andbeefy,likethefootballplayerhe’doncebeen,butoverthepastyearsinthemilitary,he’dhoned
hisbodyintoamuchrangierform,lookingmorelikealeanboxernowthanahigh-schoolfootball
star.Theirmomhadbeenworriedabouthimeversincehe’dgottenbackfrombeingintheSouth,
workinginandnearNewOrleansonclean-upandrebuilding,goingoutonsearch-and-rescuecalls
ashisordersdictated.Andindeed,astheirmomhadsaid,therewassomethingdifferentaboutJason,
somethinglesseasilyaccessibleanddefinitelyintrospective.

“Youcouldtakeapicture,itlastslonger.”
Dustindidn’trisetothebait.“I’mjustwonderingifyou’reokay.”
“Ah,andhereIthoughtIlookedsoprettytoday.”
“Seriously,Jase.”
“Seriously?”JasonsetdownhissodaandhitMuteonthegame,turningtofacehim.“Seriously,I

wasgoingtoaskyouthesamething.Youlooklikeshit.What’sup?”

“Iaskedyoufirst.”

“Okay,what’swrongwithmeisthatthebigbadworldouttheresucksrightnow.”Jasonlifteda

shoulder.“Iworkmyassofftodomyparttofixit,butIcan’t,andifIthinkaboutittoomuchit
seemsstupideventobetrying,soIamnotgoingtothinkaboutit.Notforatleastthenexttwoweeks
beforeIhavetoheadoutagain.Nowyou.”

“Mewhat?”
“YoumightaswelltellmebeforeIknockitoutofyou.”
GivenJason’snewphysicalprowess,hecoulddoit,too.
“Isitthejobputtingthatlookofmiseryonyourface.Oragirl?”
Dustinletoutabreath.“Both.”
“Sothereisagirl.”
“Idon’tthinkso,no.”
Jasonblinked.“Aguy?”
“Jesus!”
“Well,useyourwords,dude.”
Dustinrolledhiseyesandatesomemorechips.
“Comeon,Dus.You’rethemiddlechild.You’rethetalker.”
“Fine.”Dustinpushedthechipsaside.“I’minajobthatwassupposedtobejustaphase,alittlefun

beforewegotourrenovationbusinessgoing.”

“Don’tlooknow,butourrenovationbusinessisgoing.We’vegotgoodequityinthisplace.”
“Sortofmypoint.WecouldbedoingmoreandyethereIam,stilldrivinganambulance…”
“Soquitandgetamoveon.I’mgame.Let’ssellthehouse.Wecanusemyportionoftheprofit

foranewdownpaymentonanotherfixer-upper,andyourlabor.AndIsaywegobigthistimeanddo
itright.Biggerhouse,biggerprofitmargin.Ifyou’reseriousaboutbeingdoneasanEMT,you’d
havethetimetoputin.”

True.
“So…thegirl,”Jasonsaid,leaningbacktoclosehiseyes.“Gettothegirl.”
Right.Thegirl.Howtosaythathewasmorethanhalfwayinlovewithawomanwhowasn’tever

goingtolovehimback?“She’sacoworker,whichiscolossallystupid.”

“Onlyifyouintendtorepeat.”
“Lastnightwasarepeat.”
Atthis,JasonopenedhiseyesandturnedhisheadtoeyeballDustin.“Isitthatfirefighterchick

you’vebeenhunguponsincedayone?Thehotonewholookslike…whatdotheycallher?Kick-Ass
Barbie.Cathleen?”

“Cristina.”
“Ah,Christ,”Jasonsaidwithagroan.“Itis.Man,you’regoingstraightdownthepathto

HeartbreakCitywiththatone.She’soutofyourleague.”

“Gee,thanks.”
“Look,life’stooshorttogetkickedintheballsortheheart,andwithCristina,you’llgetboth.”

***

D

USTINDIDN

’

TREALIZE

exactlyhowtruethatstatementwasuntilhisnextshift.Hegottothestation,

andfoundCristinainthekitchenwitheveryoneelse.Shewasdoingherusualdigthroughthe
refrigerator—shewasthemostnotoriousfoodthiefintheentirestation.“Youstealingsomeone’s
lunchagain?”heaskedlightly,asifshehadn’tdumpedhim.

Well,actually,youhadtohavearelationshipwithsomeonetobedumped.Theydidn’thavea

relationship,theyhadathing.Asexthing.Thatwasall.

Athisquestion,EddieandSam,bothatthetableeatingcereal,wentstill,swivelingwarygazesto

Cristina.Blake,drinkingcoffeeatthesinknexttoAidanandZach,raisedabrow.ItwasunlikeDustin
tostartthebickeringbutwhatthehell.Itwastimeforanewthing.

Cristinaslowlyturnedtofacehim,hereyesunreadable.Shehadn’tchangedintoheruniformyet

andworearmy-greencargoesandasnuglong-sleevedT-shirtthatfittedhercurveslikeaglove,
curvesheknewintimately.Curveshe’dkissedeverysingleinchof.“No,smart-ass,”sheresponded.“I
madecookies.”

“Madethem?Orboughtthem?”
Itwasalong-standingjokethattheonlygirlinthestationcouldn’tcook,butstill,theentireroom

heldtheirbreathandswiveledtheirgazestoCristinaasifwatchingatennismatch.

“Ibakedthemmyself,”Cristinasaid.Stiffly.“I’mactuallyleavingtheminpeople’slunchesto

makeupforallthestuffI’ve…borrowed.”

“Wow.”Dustinleanedbackagainstthewall,crossinghisarmssothathecouldn’treachforher,

whichiswhathesuddenlywantedtodo,evensurroundedbyeveryoneelse.Shelookedgood,he
thought,rested,withcolorinhercheeks.Shehadglossonherlips,heronlymakeup.Herhairwas
loose,whichmadehimrememberhowit’dfeltbrushinghischest.

Hewantedbothtotouchherandtostrangleher.“I’mimpressed.”
“That’sbecausewhateverwewomendo,wehavetodoittwiceasgoodasaguytobethoughtof

ashalfasgood.Luckily,that’snotdifficult.”Sheshuttherefrigerator,andavoidinglookingathim,
headedacrossthekitchen.

“She’sescaping,man,”BlakesaidtoDustinoutofthesideofhismouth.
“Theymusthaveslepttogetheragain,”SamwhisperedtoEddieasifDustinwasdeaf.“She’s

lookingrelaxedandhe’snot.”

“Youdoingitwrong?”EddieaskedDustin.
Dustinsighed.“Cristina.”Hewatchedherstopandgoalittlestiffintheshoulders.“Arewegoing

totalkaboutitatall?”

“What,theorgasms?”Shedidn’tturntofacehim.“That’salittletoorisquéatopicforthe

workplace,don’tyouthink?”

Eddiesnickered,onlytobesilencedbySam’selbowinhisgut.
DustintookasteptowardCristina.“Maybewecoulddiscussthisin—”
Thealarmbellinterruptedhim,thendispatch,callingforDustinandJames’sunit.Nofirefighters

required.

“—private,”Dustinfinishedonasigh,grindinghisbackteethtogetherinfrustrationashewas

forcedtoheadout.Hebrushedpasther,makingsuretotouchherashedid,gettingsomesatisfaction
whenherbreathcaughtatthecontact.

Whichdidn’tchangethefactthattheywerebackatsquareone—herholdinghimatbaywithher

sarcasmandsharpwit,andhimnursinganachingheart.

CHAPTERSIX

T

HEMOMENT

Dustinwasoutofsight,Cristinasaggedtoakitchenchair.“I’msuchanidiot.”

“Yeah,”Eddiesaid,pattingherknee.“Youare.”
Samnodded.
Blakeliftedashoulderinsilentagreement.
CristinalookedatAidanandZach,twoofthemostlogicalmensheknew,hoping…buttheyalso

nodded.

Itwasunanimous.Shewasanidiot.
“Iknowyoudon’tliketoclutteryourplatewithrelationships,”Blakesaidtactfully.“Becauseyou

havetobefreefor…Whatisitexactlythatyouhavetobefreefor?”

“Well…”Everyonewaitedforhersage,intelligentresponse.“Ihavetobefreefor…”Jeez.She

suddenlyhadnoidea.It’dstartedoutbecauseshe’dspentsomanyyearswatchinghermotherneverbe
free,alwaystrappedinabadrelationshipwithonemanoranother,overandoveragain.

TrappingCristina,aswell,soshe’dlearnedtogatherhermistrustclosetoherlikeacape.Once

she’dgottenoutonherown,she’dgonetheoppositeroute,alwaysstayingonherown.Shewas,after
all,nothingifnotacreatureofherownhabits.Butthatallseemedshort-sightedandabitpathetic
now.“Idon’tknow,”sheadmitted,andthunkedherheadtothetable.“IguessIdon’tknowhowtodo
thingsdifferently.”

“Youcanfixthis,”Blakesaidsocalmly,sheraisedherhead.
Henodded.
Theothersnodded,too.
“Allyouhavetodoisstoprunningscared,”hesaidgently,rubbingherback.
“Whoa.I’mnotscared.”
Fivepatientbutamusedfacesjustlookedather.
Okay,soshewasscared.Oh,damn.“ButwhatifImessitup?”
“Well,youprobablywill,”Zachsaid.
“Gee,thanks.”
“No,everyonedoesonceortwice,atleast.”
“Youcanstillturnthisaround,”Blakepromised.“Ifyouwantitbadenough.”
ShelookedatthedoorthroughwhichDustin,hermild-manneredbestfriendbyday—big,bad,

confident,sexyloverbynight—hadvanished.There’dbeensomethingdifferentinhiseyesjustnow.

Distance.
Herfault.Hethoughthe’dbeenditched.Sheknewthatnow.She’dpretendedtowantdistance,but

thatwasn’treallywhatshewantedatall.Sheknewthatnow.“Iwantitbadenough,”shewhispered.
“WhatdoIdo?”

“Youcouldtellhimyoulovehim,”Blakesaid.
“What?”Shenearlychoked.“I’mnot—Ican’t—Ican’tsaythat—Imean,it’snot…that.”She

grabbedBlakebythelapels.“Therehastobesomethingelse.”

“Well,foronething,yourelax,”AidansaidasBlakepriedherhandsoffhim.“Askhimout.Show

himyou’reinthis.Plansomethingfun.Takehimjet-skiing,orsomethinghewouldn’tdoforhimself.
Youknow,showhimyouknowwhathelikes.”

“Feedhim,”Zachsuggested,pattinghisbelly.“Foodalwaysworks.”
“Youdon’thavetocookit,”Aidansaidquickly.“Infact,youshouldn’tcookit.Goouttoa

restaurant,ormakeapicnic.”

“Butifyoudothepicnic,”Eddieinterjected.“Makesureit’snotsillylittlefingerfood.Bringreal

food.”

“Andtrysmiling,”Zachsaid.“Youhaveagreatsmile,ontherareoccasionsyouuseit.He’llbe

sostunned,you’llhavetimetospitoutthefactthatyes,you’reanidiot,butyou’reworkingonit.”

“Itwouldhelpifyoutookoffallyourclothesfirst,”Eddiesaid.
“Guyslikethat,”Samagreed.
“Youcouldpracticehere,”Eddiesuggested,nearlyfallingoverwhenSamshovedhim.
Blakewasshakinghishead.“Justtellhimyoulovehim.”
No.No,shelikedtheotherideasmuchbetter.She’djustaskhimout,that’swhatshe’ddo.Planthat

picnic.Smile.Bringfood.Maybewearsomesexyoutfitandletthingstaketheircourse.She’dshow
himhowmuchhemeanttoher.

Yeah.Shewasgoingtoturnthisaround.Timewasonherside.

***

D

USTIN

’

S

UNIT

wasrunraggedfortherestoftheday,onecallafteranother.Soitwasinevitablethat

oneofhiscallswouldbumpupagainstoneofCristina’s.He’dbeenbroodingalldamnday,and
bracedfortheawkwardnessofseeingher,giventhatshekeptsleepingwithhimandthenbreakinghis
heart.Butifshefeltweird,shedidn’tleton.Infact,shesmiledathim.

Dazzledthebroodrightoutofhim.
ShewasworkingasmallfirecausedbyatoasterwhileDustintreatedtheyoungwomanwho’d

attemptedtoputitoutbyherselfonlytofallonherbutt,knockingtheairoutofher.

“Ican’tbeinacastforChristmas,”shewailed,holdingherbottominbothhands.“Notthisyear.”
“Idon’tthinktheycastyourass,”Cristinasaidhelpfullyfromwhereshestoodnearthetoaster.

ShewinkedatDustin.

Winked.
“Ican’thaveanybandages,either,myboyfriend’scomingtotown.”Thewomantriedtogetup

andgaspedinpain.“Ouch,ouch,ouch…Doyouthinkit’sbroken?”Assheaskedthisquestion,she
turnedandyankeddownherpants,revealingaquiteperfecttightlytonedass.“Anything?”

Dustinstaredatit,thenliftedhisgazetofindCristinalookingathim,eyesamused,browsraised.

Oddlyenough,giventhathe’dbeenpoutingallmorning,theaircrackledbetweenthem.“Idon’tthink
it’sbroken.”Heclearedhisthroat.“Youlook…fine.”

“Fine,”Cristinamouthed,androlledhereyes.
Afterward,outside,shesidleduptohim.“Hey.”
“Hey,”hesaid,andtokeepthatcrackleatbay,hewentlight.“Needmetolookandseeifyourass

isbroken?”

Sheflashedasmileandalmostblindedhim.“Youjustwanttoseemyass.”
Trueenough.Afterall,itwasworld-class.
“Littletip,ace.”Shepattedhischest,voluntarilytouchinghimoutsideofsex.“Nexttimeawoman

pullsherpantsdownforyou,findabetterdescriptionthanfine.”

“I’llworkonmyadjectives,”hesaid,hopingdespitehimselfthatitwasherasshesawnext.
“Um,Dustin?Youwanttohaveapicnicsometime?”

Hestaredather.“Huh?”
“Youhaveahearingproblem?Iaskedifyouwantedtohaveapicnic.”
“Likeadatepicnic?”
“Yeah.Adatepicnic.”
“Adate,”herepeated.Hewouldn’thavebeenmoreshockedifshe’daskedhimtomarryher.
“Well,ifit’sthatstupid—”Shestartedtoturnawaybuthegrabbedherhandandpulledherback

around.

“I’msorry.Yousurprisedme,that’sall.I’veaskedyououtbeforeandbeenshutdown.”
“Youknowwhat?Forgetit.ForgetIsaidanythingaboutanything.”
“Cristina…”Heshookhishead.“Youdrivemecrazy.”
“IrealizeItendtohavethateffectonpeople.”Againshetriedtopullawayandagainheheldher.
Shelookedathishandandthenupintohiseyes.Somethingwashappeningbetweenthem,the

sameoddphenomenonthatalwayshappenedbetweenthem,anditwasheat,pureheat.

“Mostlyit’sinagoodway,”hesaidalittlethickly.“Thedriving-me-crazypart.”
“Mostly?”Hervoicewashusky,too.
“Yeah.Well,youdohaveyourmoments.”
Shestaredathimforalongbeat.“Yousaythenicestthings.”Asmallsmileflashed.“Andyou’re

funny.”

“I’makeeper.”
Shepaused,suddenlylookingasthoughshe’dbeenstruck,thentouchedhischest.“Iknow.”
Theairfeltchanged,hishearttoofull.“Cristina—”
“ButI’mnot,”shewhispered.“Akeeper.”
Andwiththat,sheturnedaway.
“Cristina.”
Shekeptwalking.
“So…nopicnicI’mguessing?”
Stillwalking…
Okay.Shit.Onceagainhe’dgottenhishopesupbutnomore.Hecouldn’tdoitagain.Thishadto

beit,hehadtobedonebashinghisheadintoawall.Hewantedher,morethanhe’deverwanted
anything,butitwasn’thealthy.Shakinghishead,hepulledouthiscellandcalledJason.“Okay.”

“Okaywhat?”
Heletoutashakybreath.“Let’ssell.Gobig.”
“You’reouttatherethen?You’llgivethenewprojectthetimeit’llneed?”
Heleanedbackagainstthewallandnodded,untilherealizedthathisbrothercouldn’tseehim.

“Yesandyes.”

“Hotdamn.Ihavearealestateagentonholdrightthisminutewhosaysshecansellthehouse,and

alreadyhasalistofpropertiesforustolookat.”

“Good.I’llmeetyouafterwork.”Dustinshutthephoneandturned,nearlyrunningintoCristina.
Sheslappedhisclipboardagainsthischest.“Youleftthisinside.Whatareyouselling?”
“Myhouse.”
“Why?”
“Becausethetime’sright.”
“Youmean,themarket?”
“That,too.”Andthen,forthefirsttimeever,hewalkedawayfromher.

***

T

HEIRPATHS

crossedagainlater,ataduplexfireinanolderpartoftown.Thebuildinghadbeen

undergoingrenovation;nowflamesweretakingcareofthereno,andatleastfifteenconstruction
workerswereunaccountedfor.

CristinaandBlakewereonscene,aswellasAidanandZachandtheothers,puttingtheirown

livesontheline.

Thatwastheirjob.
Dustinknewitashestaredattheinferno,hisgutpinched,buthenevergotusedtoit,never,sohe

concentratedonthevictimsastheywerepulledout,ratherthanwonderexactlywhereCristinawas
andifshewassafe.

Hehadtobelieveshewassafe.
EddieandSamcamebarrelingoutofthefire,abigguybetweenthem,hunchedover.Dustinran

towardthem,meetingthemjustbeyondtheporchandbarelyoutofthesmokefromthefire.Theguy
slumpedtothegroundjustasabovethemtheyheardscreaming.

“I’vegothim,”Dustintoldthem.“Go!”Hedroppedtohiskneesnexttothevictim,whowasover

sixfootfourandclosetothreehundredpounds.

Andoutcold.
Theheatwasoverwhelming.OnlyamomentagoDustinhadn’tbeenabletoseetheflamesfrom

here,butnowtheentirefrontwalloftheduplexhadstartedtoburn,andjusttohisright,oneofthe
windowsexploded.

Hedroppedoverthevictim,protectinghim.Abovehim,flamesleaptoutofthehugegapinghole

wheretheglasshadjustbeen,enragedbythenewburstofoxygen.Ashewatched,horrified,the
flamescoalescedinaball,headingrightforhim,andhethought,ahhell,I’mdone.Toast,burnttoast
—

Buthedidn’tdie,soheopenedhiseyesandrealizedtheflameshadbeenabruptlyheldbackbya

longlineofwater,comingfromahose—

InCristina’shands.“Getback!”sheyelled.
Inthemovies,theirgazeswouldhavemetandinhersDustinwouldhaveseenloveandfearfor

him,butshedidn’ttakehergazeoffthefire.Dustingotbehindhisunconsciousvictim,slidinghis
handsbeneaththeguy’sarms,andtugged,hard,notlookingback.

Hedidn’thaveto.Hedidn’tneedthemoviestaretoknowCristinahadhisback,shealwayswould.

Hecouldtrustthat.

Butinspiteoftheirchemistry,hecouldn’ttrustherwithhisheart.Thathadfinallysettledinhis

head.Itwaswhyhewasgettingout,cuttinghislosses.Forself-preservation,hehadnochoice.

HeandJamesleftthescenewithtwoofthevictimsintheirrig,headingtothehospital.Bythetime

theygotbacktothestation,theshifthadendedandCristinawasgone.

HeshoweredandchangedbeforeheadingouttolookathouseswithJason.Afterward,hedroveto

Cristina’splace…tosaygoodbye.

Sheopenedthedoorandlookedathiminsurprisedrelief,andalsoanticipation.
Thathummedthroughhim,soinsteadofsayinggoodbye,hedecidedtoshowherhowhefelt.He

steppedoverthethreshold,pushinghiswayinpasther.

“What—”
Thatwasallshegotoutbeforehegothishandsonher,spunheraround,andpinnedhertothe

door.

“Dustin—”
“Ican’tdothisanymore.”
“Can’tdowhat?”
“This.”Andhekissedthembothstupid.

CHAPTERSEVEN

C

RISTINAPULLEDBACK

tostareintoDustin’sunbearablyfamiliarfacebecauseshehadtoseehim.

She’dbeenstandinginherlivingroom,workedupathowhe’dputhislifeonthelinetoday.

Ifshehadn’tbeenrighttherewithherhose—
Butshehadbeenandhewasokay,shetoldherself.Buther?Notsookay.She’dbeenwondering

whatthehellwaswrongwithherthatshecouldn’tjustgoforwhatshewanted,whentheonethingshe
wantedhadknockedatherdoor.

Andthenhe’dsaidhecouldn’tdothisanymore.Theyshoulddiscussthat,butthiswasnother

mild-manneredEMTgeek.Thiswasapissed-off,frustrated,on-the-edgeDustin,toughand
implacableinhisresolve.

He’dsteppedalloverherpersonalspaceandwaskissingeverysinglebraincelloutofherhead.

“Ifyou’dgottenhurttoday,”shemurmured,“I’dhavekilledyou.”

“Youreallyarethemostannoyingwomanontheplanet.”
“Ithinkit’stimethatwestartannoyingotherpeople.”
“Later.”
“Imeanit,Dustin.”
“Ibelieveyou.”Hiseyesdarkened.“It’swhyI’mhere.Sayinggoodbye.”
Herheartcaught.“Oh.I…see.”
“I’vegotto,Cristina.You’rekillingme.”
Right.Sheknewthat.Hewaskillingher,too.Aswasherowninabilitytofigureoutwhattodo

aboutthat.“Idon’twanttokillyou.Ilikeyoualive.”

“Youjustdon’tlikemeclose.”Hewasstillholdingheragainstthedoor,herhandsheldinhison

eithersideofherface.Eyesnarrowed,mouthgrimandtight,hestareddownintoherfacewithan
expressionthatsaidI’mpissed,frustratedandworkedup.AndIwanttotakeyourightnow,rightthis
veryminute.

God,themanmadeherforgetshehadknees.“I’msorry,”shewhispered.
“Me,too.”Heletoutanotherbreath.“ButIwantyoutoknowhowmuchitmeanttomethatyou

werethereformetoday.”

Shestaredathim,thewordsIalwayswillbestuckinherthroat,becauseshecouldfeelthat

goodbyetotheverycornersofhersoul,andknewhemeantit.“Forgetthethanks.Getbacktothe
goodbye,whichIwassoenjoying.”

Sheneededtokeepthislight.
Verylight.
Orshe’dfallapart,andshedidn’tallowherselftodothat,ever.Sosheliftedhermouthtohisand

hemetherhalfway,goingbacktoravishinghermouthasifhewereamanstarvingafteratwo-week
fastandshewasatwelve-coursemeal.

Shefeltthesame.Sheneededtofillherselfupwithhim.Strainingagainsthisleanlymuscled

form,sheranhermouthalonghisjaw,impatientatnotbeingabletoreachanyofthegoodstuff.“My
hands,Ineedmyhandstotouchyou.”

“Youtouchmewithyoureyes.Youtouchmewithyourvoice.Youtouchmewithyourdamn

heart,youjustcan’tadmitit.”

Stungbywhatwasundeniablythetruth,shewentstill,buthetiltedherfaceuptohis,staredinto

hereyes,sworeroughlyandkissedheragain.“YoutouchmeeverytimeIlookatyou,”hemanaged
grufflywhentheybothcameupforbreath.“OrwhenIthinkofyou.Hell,Idreamaboutyou.Itpisses
meoff,Cristina.”

“Thenyoushouldn’thavecome.Youshouldn’thavecome.”
“Damnright,butIdid.Icametosaygoodbye.”
“Whatdoesthatmeanexactly?Whereareyougoing?”
“I’mleavingthestationandgoingbacktowhatIwantedtodointhefirstplace.Itmighttakemea

littletimetogetitallingear,Istillhavetosellthehouse,butIwantedyoutoknow.”

HerhearthadstoppedatthewordsI’mleavingthestation.Shetriedtoturnherheadawaytoblast

himwithsomemorewords,wordsthatwouldscarehimoff,makehimgetthehellout,buthe
wouldn’tallowit.Hetookhermouthwithhis,nippingatherresistancewithhot,hungrybitesuntil,
withamoanofsurrendershearchedcloser,clutchingathim,givingintoeverything,anything,he
wantedofher.

Itwasinsane,thissurgingswellofneedandhungershefelt.Itfloodedher,nearlyblindingher,

andbeforesheknewwhatshewasdoing,she’dtornherhandsfromhisandyankedathispants,
desperatetogetthemopen,evenmoredesperatetogethiminsideher.Whileshefoughthiszipper,he
hadherjeansdowncompletelyandacondomoutofhispocket.“Wrapyourlegsaroundmywaist,”
hecommandedinhislow,roughwhisper,theonethathadhershiveringandrushingtodowhathe
asked.

“Yeah,likethat,”hegroundout.“God,justlikethat.”Liftingherupagainstthedoor,hepushed

insideher.

Asshecriedoutinsheer,unadulteratedpleasure,herheadthunkedbackagainstthewallandshe

grippedhisshouldersforallshewasworth.Shehadnoideahowshecouldwanthimlikethis,butshe
did.“Dustin—”

“Iknow.”Slidingahandupherbacktocradleherhead,protectitfromthedoor,hebeganto

move.“Iknow.”Leaningintothedoor,hepressedherbetweenthehardwoodandhisequallyhard
body,thrustingintoheroverandoveragain,untilhertoescurled,untilshewaspantingouthisname
likeamantrainmindlesspleaashekissedher,usinghistongueinamatchingrhythmtohisbody.

Withinmoments,sheburst,andhewasonlysecondsbehindher,andforlongraggedbreathsthey

werebothgone.Thenhiskneeswobbled,andwithanoath,heslappedahandbackonthedoortohold
themupright,hismusclesstilltrembling.Butinsteadoflettinghergo,heturnedhisfaceintothe
curveofherneckandnuzzledthere,softlykissingherdampflesh.

“Ican’tfeelmylegs,”shegasped.
“I’vegotyou.”
Andwasn’tthatjustthething.Theterriblyconfusingthing.“I…needtofeelmylegs.”
Liftinghishead,helookedintohereyesasheletherlegsslidedownhisbody.Whenhertoes

touchedthefloor,herlegsnearlybuckled,buthecaughther,hisjawagainsthers,hisbreathing—still
uneven—disturbingthehairathertemple.

“I’mgood.”Provingit,shesteppedback,comingupagainstthedoor,butholdingherhandsupto

showhimthatshewasfine.

Dustinjuststaredather.“Whatthehellwasthat?”
“Somedamnamazinggoodbyesex.”
“Yeah.”Heturnedinaslowcircle,shovinghishandsthroughhishairashecamebackaround.“I

reallydon’twanttodothis,tosaygoodbye.”

“Wellthen,don’t.Don’tsayit.”
Steppingback,heshookhishead.“Iwantmore.”
Sheclosedhereyes.
“Andyoustilldon’t,”hesaidquietly.
“Dustin—”
“Goodbye,Cristina.”
Shewasstandingthere,mouthopenwhenhewalkedrightoutthedoor.

***

O

N

D

USTIN

’

S

nextshift,hisunitwascalledoutjustashesetfootinthedoorofthestation.

Justaswell.Heneededtokeepbusy,becauseafterthisshifthewasgivinghistypedresignationto

thechief,andhedidn’twanttothinkaboutit.

AtmiddaytheymetupwithCristinaandBlake’srigoutsideasmallgrocerystoreonthecorner

ofMainandThird.Insidethere’dbeenabrawlintheliquoraisleoverthelastofthepeppermint
schnapps,leavingthemanagerwithablackeyeandacustomerheadedforanightbehindbars.

“Iguessthatguyreallyneededthatpeppermintschnapps,”Cristinasaid.
“Maybeheshouldhavegoneforabeerinstead.”
Shegavehimatough-girlstare.“Sometimes,youjusthavetohavewhatyouhavetohave.”
“Yeah?”Knowinghewassteppingintothefryingpan,heshiftedclose.“Andwhatisitthatyou

havetohave?”

Shepaused,thensaggedalittle,losingtheattitude.“That’stheproblem.Ialwaysfigureditwas

onethingandnowI’mthinkingit’sanotherentirely.”

JustthenBlakecalledheraway.Dustinhadtorestrainhimselffromyelling,“Whatthehelldoes

thatmean?”afterher.

Theymetupagainseveralhourslater,outsideasmallhouse.“Peoplearesostupidaroundthe

holidays,”shesaid.

Hehappenedtoagree.Peoplewerestupidaroundtheholidays,asevidencedbythefacthewas

loadingaguyintotheambulanceminushisfingers,whichhe’dcutoffwithhisnewturkeycarver,
rightintohiskitchensink.Earlierhe’dhadaguywho’dfallenoffhisroofputtinguptheChristmas
lights,andawomanwho’daccidentallyelectrocutedherselfwhenshehadstucktoomanystringsof
lightsintoonesocketandthentoucheditwithwetfingers.

Yeah.Peoplewerestupidaroundtheholidays.Includinghimself.
Andthencamethedefiningmomentofstupidity.HeandJameswerecalledbacktothegrocery

storefromearlierthatdayforanotherunknowninjury.

“Thecallcamefromthedeli,”oneoftheclerksinthefronttoldthemastheycamethrough.

“Someone’sdown.”

“I’llgogetthestretcher,”Jamessaid.
BlakeandCristinaentered,aswell.“Theysaidtheymightneedafireunit,”Blaketoldthem.

“What’sup?”

“Don’tknowyet.”BlakeradioeddispatchformoreinformationwhileDustinheadedin,

extremelyawareofCristinaathisside.Atthebackofthestore,awide-eyedclerkpeekingoutfroma
swingingdoorbehindthedelicounterwavedthemover.“You’rejustEMTs,right?”shewhispered
frantically.“Nopolice?”

“What’shappening?”Cristinaaskedher.

“Noquestions!”TheclerkgrabbedDustin’sarm.“Hesaidnoquestions!Oh,God,youhaveto

hurry,orit’llbetoolate!”

Dustinwentwithher,withCristinarightonhistail.Theybothlookedateachother,nonplussed,

whentheclerklockedthedoorbehindthem.“HesaidjusttwoEMTs.”

DustinopenedhismouthtocorrectherthatCristinawasafirefighter,butCristinasteppedonhis

foot.“It’sjustustwo,”shesaidquietly.

“Okay,good.”Theclerkgulpedinair.“BecauseifIletanyoneelsein,he’llkillallofus.Hurry!”
Kill?
Thebackareawasempty,exceptfortwopeople—themanagerthey’dmetearlier,downonthe

ground,stillsportinghisblackeye,butnowholdingontohisshoulder,aswell,whichwasbleeding
alloverthefloor.

Andthecustomerfromearlier,whostoodoverhim.
Withagun.
“Well,it’sabouttime,”hesaid,tighteninghisgriponthegun.“Thisidiotmademeshoothim.”
“You’recrazy!”the“idiot”yelled,writhinginpain,bleedingoutonthefloorasDustinwatched.

“Andsoisthecourthouseforlettingyououtonbail!Theyshouldhaveputyouinaseventy-two-hour
hold!Andfortherecord,allIsaidwasthatyou’remorestupidthanyoulookifyouthinkI’mgoing
toapologizetoyou!”

“Andyou’renotonlyasstupidasyoulook,you’realsogoingtobedead.”Heaimedthegun

betweenthemanager ’seyes.“Nowsayit.Sayyou’resorry.”

Thewoundedmanwasbleedingfastandfurious,andgoingverypale.“No.”
“Sayyou’resorry!”
“No!”
“Youhaveanothershoulder,youknow.AndI’llshootyouinit—Hey!”Theshooterturnedhis

headtowardDustin,who’dshiftedclosertothevictim.“StayrightwhereyouareuntilItellyouto
move!”

Ignoringhim,Dustinwentdownonhiskneestolookatthewound.Thebulletcouldn’thavehit

anymajorarteriesorthemanagerwouldprobablyalreadyhavebledoutcompletely—onethingin
theguy’sfavor.

Dustinliftedthetornandbloodymaterialawayfromtheentrywound.
Themanagerhissedoutapainedbreath.“I’mgoingtodie,aren’tI?HowlongbeforeIdie?”
Cristinawenttomoveclosertohelpbutcrazy-gun-guyprotested.“Staywhereyouare!”
Herhandsfistedbutshestayed.“Heneedshelps.”
“Letmerepeat.MoveandI’llshoot.”
“Okay,let’salljusttrytorelax,”Dustinsaidquickly,stillcrouchedbytheinjuredman.“Youletus

inhere,right?SoIknowyoudon’twantanyonetodie.”Hewenttoopenhisbag,untilthegunended
upinhisface.

“Nofunnybusiness!”
“Nofunnybusiness.”Slowly,Dustinpulledoutgauzeandpressedittothewound.“Heneedsa

hospital.”

“NotuntilIgetmyapology.”
“Forwhat?”
“HesaidIwasaworthlessloser.”
“Youhithim,”Dustinpointedout.“Andthenyoushothim.Ithinkyou’reeven.”
“Momsaidhehastoapologize,thatIshouldn’tgiveinuntilheapologizes.”

“Mom?”Dustindividedalookbetweenthetwoguysassirenssoundedinthedistance.“You’re

brothers?”

“Onlytemporarily,”thebrotherholdingthegunsaid.“BecauseI’mgoingtoshoothimdeadifhe

doesn’tapologize,andthenI’llbeanonlychild.”

Themanagergroanedandlayback.“Jesus.You’recrazy.”
“Sayyou’resorry!”
“Justsayit,”Dustingratedout,tryingtostopthebleedingandhavinglittleluck.
“Nowayinhell!”
Thearmedbrotherwavedhisweapon,lookingquitepissedoffattheworld.Whenitendedupin

thevicinityoftheterrifiedclerk,sheletoutalowcryandstartedtobackaway.

“Don’tmove!”Themanager,grayfrombloodlossandpain,yelledfromhispositiononthe

concretefloor.“God,Tess,don’tgetshotforme!”

Thegunwasinherfacenow.“Yes,Tess,”themanager ’sbrothersaid.“Don’tgetshotforhim.”
“Okay,let’sjustallstayverycalm,”Dustinslowlyrose,holdinguphishands.“Youdon’tneedthe

clerkanymore,right?Youcanlethergo.Letbothwomengo.”

“Theycanidentifyme.”
Thatdidn’tsoundpromising.Foranyofthem.Thepolicewereprobablyoutsidebynow,maybe

evenmakingtheirwayinsomehow,orsohehoped,sohefiguredstallingwaskey.“Look,whydon’t
youtellmewhatitisyouwant,andI’lltrytonegotiateitforyou.”

“Iwantanapology,orhedies.”Emphasizingthis,hepointedthegunathisbrother.
Tessscreamedandscrambledbackward,turningtoracerecklesslytowardthedoor.
“Stop!”
Knowingitwasallgoingtogobad,DustingrabbedCristinaandshovedherbehindhim,

droppingthembothdownastheguywavedhisgunaroundlikeamadmanovertheirheads.

Well,shit,hethought.Heshouldhavequityesterday.

CHAPTEREIGHT

F

ROMBEHIND

Dustin,wherehe’dshovedher,Cristinacouldn’tsee,butwhatsheheardstoppedher

heart.

“Stop!”crazy-gun-dudeyelled.“StoporI’llshootyou!”
“Don’tshoother!”hisbrothercried.
Cristinaliftedherhead.
Tesswasn’tstopping.Heartinherthroat,CristinatriedtogetfreefromDustin’sgripbutthenhe

wassurgingforward,throwinghimselfatthegunman.

InCristina’slife,she’dbeenafraidmanytimes,butneverlikethis,neversuchagut-wrenching

horror.“Dustin!”Shereachedforhim,grabbing,butcatchingonlyhisbelt,andtheholsterforhis
scissors.

Dustinlandedonthegunmanandtheyrolledaroundonthefloor,eachgrapplingtobeontop.
Cristinaheldthescissorslikeaweapon,planningonstabbinggunguy,butthetwomenkept

moving,rolling,bizarrelyintunetotheclerkscreamingherheadoff.Thenthemanwiththegun
shovedfreeofDustin,whosefacewasbleeding.He’dlosthisglassesandsquinted,ascrazy-gun-guy
leapttohisfeetandaimedattheclerk’sback.

“No!”allofthemyelled.Dustinlungedtohisfeet,thesuddenmotioncausingthegunmantowhirl

onhimjustasthemanager,stillonthefloor,yankedonhisbrother ’sleghard,causinghimtolose
hisbalance.

Thegunwentoff.
TimestoppedandsodidCristina’sheartasshewatchedDustinjerk.Shedoveforhimasthe

derangedbrotherfell,andtheyallhitthefloorinunison.

“Shit,shit,shit,”shegasped,grabbingDustinashedoubledoverandgrabbedhisleg,hisfacea

maskofagony.

Theroomwassuddenlyfilledwithpoliceandeverythingwasablur.
ExceptDustin,stillinherarms,eyesclosed,hispreciousbloodpumpingoutofaholeinhis

thigh.“Dustin.”

Jameswassuddenlythere,asweretwoparamedicsfromstation#33,allgettinginherway,

pullingDustinoutofherarms.

“He’sgoingtobefine,”shetoldthem,steppingbackoutofthewaysotheycouldgethimona

gurney.

Blakewasthere.Hehuggedherhard,andintohischestshesaiditagain.“He’sgoingtobefine.”
“I’lltakeyoutothehospital,”hesaid,fartoosolemnly.
WhichwasoddbecauseDustinwasgoingtobefine.Fine.

***

B

LAKEGOT

Cristinatothehospitalrightbehindtheambulance.AstheyrushedintotheE.R.alongside

Dustin,Cristinanevertookhereyesoffhispale,paleface.Anursecutawayhispantswhileadoctor
barkedordersoverhishead.

Cristinatriedtogetagoodlookbutanothernurseeasedherbackoutoftheway.Butshestayedin

theroom.“Lookatthat,Dustin.I’mgettingyououtofyourpantswithouteventrying.”

Dustin’smouthquirked,buthiseyesstayedclosed.“Begentle.”
Therewasalumpinherthroatthesizeofafootball.“Hey,I’malwaysgentlewiththe

lightweights,ace.”

“I’llhaveyouknowI’mnolightweight.IknowwhatI’mdoing…”
Cristinachokedoutalaugh.Hedid.Hedidknowwhathewasdoing,always.“Dustin—”
“Yeah…”Hisvoicewasfadingaway,whichterrorizedher.Butitwasjustthedrugs,shetold

herself.

Hewasfine.
Outofthespeakerscamesomesoft,elevatorChristmasmusic,remindingherthattomorrowwas

ChristmasEve.SomeonehadthesmallTVatthenurses’stationonCNN,muted,andtickerafter
tickerspelleddoomandgloomfortheireconomy.“Youknow,it’sreallynotagoodtimetobe
sellingahouse,”shewhispered.

Blakereachedforherhandandsqueezedit.“Cristina—”
“Seriously.Heshouldjustforgetaboutsellinghisdamnhouse.”
“IthinkIcangetthisbulletoutwithoutsendinghimtosurgery,”oneofthedoctorssaid.
“Doit.”Dustinsoundedasifhewasbreathingthroughgrittedteeth.
“Givehimmorepainmeds,”Christinademanded.Whyweren’ttheygivinghimmore?“Blake—”
Blakeheldherback,whisperinginherear.“Theyknowwhatthey’redoing.Youknowtheyknow

whatthey’redoing.”

“Doyoufeelthis?”thedoctorasked,pokingatDustin’sbarefoot.
“Feelwhat?”
Oh,God.“He’sgoingtobefine…”ShestaredatDustin’stoo-paleface.“Youhearme,Dustin

Mauer?”

ThedoctorgaveBlakealookthathadthefirefighterholdingontoChristinaverytightly,butshe

wasveryawarethatnoonewasmakinganypromises.“He’sgoingtobefine,”sherepeatedfor
herself.

“Yes,”Blakesaid,soundingalittletense.“Heis.”
Thealternativewasfartoopainfultocontemplate.AworldwithoutDustin?Withoutthoseeyes,

thatsmile,thatgentle,giving,sweetnaturethathecouldturnjustalittleroughandedgywhenhehad
to?Noway.Shecouldn’timaginenothavinghiminherlife.“Goddammit,wehaveapicnictogoto.”

Dustindidn’trespondtothatandshetriedtomoveclosertothegurney,butBlakecaughther.“We

havetostaybackorthey’llmakeusleave.”

“Hepracticallyjumpedinfrontofthatgunman!”shecried.“Toprotectthatgirl.Toprotectme!”

Shedidthesaving,dammit.Nooneneededtosaveher.

Blakekeptagoodholdofher,probablyafraidshewasgoingtojumpthelineofnursesandstart

yellingatDustinagain.ShegrippedthefrontofBlake’sshirt,givinghimashakewhenitwasherself
thatneededone.“I’mnotdonewiththatman!”

Verygently,Blakepulledherinforahug.“Iknow.”
“Ihavethingstotellhim.”Shewasn’texactlysurewhattheywereyet,butshe’dfigurethatpart

out.ShetriedtolookatDustinthroughthethrongofpeoplenowworkingonhim.“Doyouhearme,
DustinMauer?Ihavethingstotellyou!”

“Cristina,comeonnow,”Blakebeggedher.“Thedrugshavejustknockedhimout.Stayback.

You’llgetyoursecondchance.Everyonegetsasecondchance.”

Ifanyoneshouldknow,itwasBlake,who’dcomebackfromthedead,literally.
Butsuddenlyeveryoneinscrubswasonthemove,withDustinbetweenthem,fartoostilland

quietonthegurney.

“GoingintoX-ray,”thedoctorcalledback.“Checkingbulletandboneplacement.Ishisfamily

here?”

“Notyet,”shemanaged,herguttight.
“We’llbeback.”
Itdidn’tescapeherthathemovedoffwithouthavingevergivenanythingaway.
Inthemoviesthatneverbodedwell.AsDustin’sgurneymovedpasther,shereachedoutand

touchedhisfoot.Itwasallshecouldreach.“You’regoingtobefine,”shewhisperedafterhewas
longgonebehindthedoubleswingingwhitedoors.“Youare.”

CHAPTERNINE

D

USTINLAY

inthehospitalbed,wrigglinghistoes.Hewasnevergoingtogettiredofwrigglinghis

toes,noteveragain.Thatwasthegoodnews.

Thebadnews?Hehadn’tquithisjobsoonenough.
“Youfeelingsorryforyourself?”
DustincranedhisneckandeyedJason,sittingbyhisbed.“Hey.Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Waitingforyourpansyasstowakeup.So…doesgettingshothurtasbadaseveryonesays?”
“Nah.”Hesatupandgrimacedatthepain.“Pieceofcake.”
Jason’ssmilefaded.“Youscaredtheshitoutofus.Don’teverdothatagain.”
“Believeme,Idon’tintendto.Theygotthebulletout.”
“Yes.”
“AndI’mokay.”
“Yes.”
“Andtheotherguywhogotshot?”
“Alsookay.”
“Sodoyouhavethegetawaycar?”
“You’renotcleartogoyet.AndCristinaandBlakehadtogotothepolicestationtogive

statements,buttheyweregoingtocomebacktoseeyou.”

“Ineedoutofhere.”
“But—”
Dustinstruggledtotossoffthecovers.Hewaswearingahospitalgown.Great.“Eitherdriveme

orcallmeadamncab.Andwherearesomedamnpants?”

“Jeez,thosedrugsyou’reonaresupposedtomakeyouhappy.”
“I’llbehappy.Outofhere.”

***

B

YTHETIME

Cristinagotbacktothehospital,shewasseriouslylosingit.

Dustinwasrecovering.
Sheknewthisbecauseshe’dcalledeverytenminutes.“Ineedtoseehim,”shesaidtoBlake,who

wassittinginthepassengerseat.

“He’sprobablysleeping.”
“Okay,butIstillneedtoseehim.IthinkImight…havefeelingsforhim.Realfeelings,you

know?”

Blakelaughedsoftly.“Yeah,Iknow.”
“Well,Ididn’t!”
“That’sbecauseyou’realittleslowontheuptake.Butweloveyouanyway.”
Shestaredathimforabeat.“Youdo?”
“Allofus,Cristina.Everylastone.”
Shestruggledwiththisconcept,wantingtobelievethatcouldactuallyevenbepossible,butnot

sure,evennow,ifshecould.“Why?”sheaskedsuspiciously.

“Maybeit’syoursweet,sensitivenature.”

“No,really.Why?”
Hetookinhertensefeatures,andsoftened.“Weloveyoubecauseyou’rethebestofthebest,

Cristina,andbecauseyou’refierceandintenseandamazing.You’dlayyourlifedownforanysingle
oneofus.Hell,you’ddoitforastranger.Nowyouhaveaguy,alsooneofthebestofthebest,who
feelsthesamewayaboutyou,andyou’resittingatagreenlightlookingatme.”

“Oh!”Shehitthegasanddidn’tletupuntilshe’dpulledbackintothehospital.Sherushedpastthe

E.R.cubiclewhereonlyafewhoursbeforeDustinhadlainbleeding,notabletofeelhistoes,tothe
informationdesk,whereshewasdirectedtoDustin’sroom.

Andfoundanemptybed.
Anaidewascleaningupthesheets.“Whereishe?”shedemandedhoarsely.
“Who?”
“DustinMauer.Thepatientwhowashere.Whereishe?”
“He’sgone.”

***

F

ORTHEFIRSTTIME

inherentirelife,Cristinaleftthejobinthemiddleofashift.AbandoningBlakeat

thehospital,shedrovetoDustin’shouseandbangedonhisdoor,openingitherselfwhenshecouldn’t
wait.“Dustin—Oh.”

ADustinlook-alikewasontheothersideofthedoor.Hewastall,leanlymuscled,andsomuch

likeDustinshehadtoblink.

“Hello,”hesaid.
“I’msorry,I—”Shelookedbehindher,backoutside,tomakesureshe’ddrivenuptotheright

house.

“Oh,you’reattherightplace,”hetoldher.“You’retheheartbreaker,right?Cristina.”
“Jason.”Dustinsaidthisfromhisperchonthecouch,hisvoicelowandraspyandsofamiliarit

nearlybroughthertoherknees.“Letherin.”

“She’salreadyin.”ButJasonstoodbackandgaveherroom.
“Mybrother,Jason,thewatchdog,”Dustinsaid.“Jason,thisisCristina.”
CristinamanagedasmallsmileandthenmovedpastJasontostandinfrontofDustin,sorelieved

toseehimshecouldscarcelybreathe.Helookedlikeshit,likedeathwarmedoverreally,buthewas
breathing,sothatwasgood.Still,shewantedtowraphimupinherarmsandneverletgo.“You
scaredthehelloutofme.”

“Sowe’reeven.”
“Iscaredyou?Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”
“Whyareyouhere?”heaskedinsteadofansweringher.
Sheshovedherhandsintoherpockets.Probablysheshouldhavefiguredoutexactlywhattosay

tohim.“Isn’titcustomarytovisitsomeonewho’sbeenshot?Evenidiotswhocheckthemselvesout
ofhospitalagainstdoctors’advice?”

Hiseyesgavenothingawaybehindhisglasses.“Sothisisafriendlyvisitthen?Ahow-are-you-

doingvisit?Well,I’mpissedoffandinpain.There.Nowyouknow.Thanksforcoming.”

Asifoncue,Jasonopenedthedoorinanot-so-subtleinvitationforhertowalkbackoutagain.
“Wait.”Sheletoutabreathandshovedherfingersinherhair.“Justwaitadamnminute.”
Dustinwaitedwithapatiencethatstretchedhersthinfornoreasonthatshecouldputherfinger

on.“Ijustwantedtoseeyou.Isthatsoweird?We—we’re—”

Completelyunhelpful,heliftedabrow.
“Imean,Ithoughtwe—”
Hestilljustlookedather.
Goddammit.
“Okay,letmehelpyou,”hesaid.
Well,finally!
“We’vebeenfriends,”hemurmured.“Closefriends.”
She’dneverbeengoodwiththewordclose,butitwashardtodisputethetruth.“Yes.”
“We’vebeensleepingtogether.”
Sheshotaquickglanceathisbrother.“Well,notregularlyoranything.Atleastuntilthisweek,”

shemuttered.

Jasonpursedhislips.“Soundslikeyoukidshavesometalkingtodo.I’llbeeavesdroppingfrom

thekitchen.”

Heleft,andaheavysilencefilledtheroom.
“Here’sthething,”Dustinsaid.
Good.Thething.Shewassogladhewasabouttodefinethething.
“I’mtired.”
“Well,ofcourseyou’retired.Youwereshot!”
“No,Imean,I’mtiredofthis.I’mtiredoftheyo-yo.I’mtiredofmakingallthemoves.”
Aburningpanicbegantorumblelowinherbelly.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“IfIdon’tpushyou,thenwestandstill.ButI’mtiredofpressuringyouintoeachandeverysingle

tinystepforwardwetake.It’swhyIcametoyourplacetheothernighttosaygoodbye.Whichdidn’t
stick,obviously.Soifyouwanttomakethefirstmovetoday,thenmakeitalready.Ifnot,I’dliketobe
alone.”

Hurt,stunnedandmorehurt,shejuststoodthere.
“Yeah,that’swhatIthought.”Soundingextremelytired,helaybackandclosedhiseyes.“Lockthe

doorbehindyou.”

Well,wasn’tthatsubtle?She’djustlockthedoorthen.Asshole.Sheletherselfoutandnotonly

lockedthedamndoor,butslammeditfirst.

Anddroveherselfhometothink.
Andthinksomemore.
Andinthethinking,foundhermad.Howdarehegoalongwithwhateverthehellitwasthey’d

beendoingallthistime,andthensuddenlydecidethatwasn’tworkingforhim?

Itwasn’tlikeitwasworkingforher,either.Notevenclose.Shespentaverylongnightstewing,

andwhenshewokeup,shestormedbacktohishouse.

Onlytofinditempty.
Itwasherdayoff,butshedrovetothestationandsoughtoutZach,whowasdoingpull-upsona

barinthehallway,shirtless.Onceuponatimeshe’dharboredasecretcrushonZach.Theywere
friends,andtwicethey’dbeenfriendswithbenefits,butithadbeenalongtimeago,and,whilehewas
oneofthemostgorgeousmenshe’devermet,hewasabetterfriendthanmost.

Plushe’dfoundtruelovewithBrooke,andbeentakenoffthemarket.
Butevenbeforethat,she’dfallenforDustin.Shehadn’tknownbackthenthewhyorhowofit,but

Dustinhadtakenheroffthemarket,too.

Itwastimehedamnwellknewit.“Where’sDustin?”
“Gone.”

Thesamequeasypanicshe’dexperiencedyesterdayfloodedheragain.“Whatdoyoumean,

gone?Wheredoesaguywho’sbeenshotgo?”

Zachreleasedthepoleandhoppeddown.Lettingoutalongbreath,helookedherintheeyes.

“He’sathismom’shouseinSanLuisObispo.”

WhichwasanhournorthofSantaRey.“Why?”
“ForChristmas.”
Therewassomethingfunnytohistone.“He’scomingbackthough,”shesaid.“Right?”
“Hedidn’ttellyou?”
Oh,God.Shewasn’tgoingtolikethis.“Tellmewhat,Zach?”
“Hegavehisnotice.He’sgoingfull-timeintotherenovatingbusinesswithhisbrother.”
Cristinachewedonthatforamomentwhileaverybadfeelingsankinhergut.“Okay,I’mgoing

toneedhismom’saddress.”

FiveminuteslatershewasonthehighwayheadingtowardSanLuisObispo.Shedidn’twantto

thinkaboutwhyshewasinsuchahurry,orwhythepanichadgrownandspreadfromhergutto
everypartofherbody.

Dustinhadquit.
He’dwalkedaway.
Andshe’dlethim.

CHAPTERTEN

C

RISTINAGOTSTUCK

inholidaytraffic,whichonlyuppedherbloodpressure,butfinally,shegotthere.

Dustin’smotherlivedinthemiddleofsuburbia,completewithawhitepicketfenceandawell-kept
yarddecoratedforChristmaswithlightsstrunginthetreesandboughsofhollyalongthepatio
decking.

ItwasChristmasEve.
ItwasChristmasEveandshestoodontheporch,handraisedtoknock,abouttocompletely

imposeonafamilyshe’dneverevenmet.

BecauseshehadtoseeDustin.Shehadtotellhim—
Oh,God.Shestilldidn’thavetheexactwordsbutshehadthegistnow.Shewasgoingtogetit

rightthistime.

Jasonopenedthedoortoherknock.Perfect.
Inanexactimitationofhisbrother,hearchedabrowandwaitedpatiently.
“Um,”shesaidbrilliantly.
“Stillworkingonyourgreeting,huh?Needamoment?”
“No.”Yes.Shesteppedintothelivingroom,filledwithcomfy,wornfurnitureandahuge

Christmastree,aroundwhichweresomanypresentstheycamehalfwayoutintotheroom.“Wow.”

“Yeah,”Jasonsaid,amused.“Wedon’tgettoseeeachothertoomuchduringtheyearsowetend

togoalittleoverboardatChristmas.”

Shehadnounderstandingofthis.Christmasesinherworldwereawholedifferentballgame.

“Oh.Uh,Idon’twanttointrude.”

“You’renot.Everyone’soutdoingtheirlast-minuteshopping.Probablybegoneforhours.Iwas

justleaving,too.Dustin’supstairs.”

Andwiththat,hewalkedoutthefrontdoor.Shestaredatthetree,gulpedandheadedtowardthe

stairs.“Dustin?”

Hedidn’tanswer,andshebegantomakeherwayup,herheartinherthroat.Upstairsinthe

hallway,allthedoorswereshut.“Dustin?”

Sheheardasoftoath,somerustling,andthenoneofthedoorsopenedandDustinstoodthereina

thick,darkbluerobe,bracedonacrutch,lookingpaleandtense.

Andatjustthesightofhim,herheartwarmed.“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Hewashurtinglikehell,shecouldtell,andwithoutaword,shewenttohim,slippedherarms

aroundhim,andtookhimbacktohisbed.

Lyingbackonthemattress,hegrittedhisteethandpulledhimselfintoabetterposition.“Ifyou’re

heretohaveyourwaywithme,I’mgoingtodisappointyou.”

“Youcouldneverdisappointme.”
“Yeah?Tryme.”
Asusual,hetolditlikeitwas,holdingnothingback.Whatwasitliketowearyouremotionson

yoursleeve,shewondered,nottohaveadeep,darksecretfesteringinside?

Herdeep,darksecretwaskillingher.“Youwin,”shetoldhim.“Yourevilplanworked.”
“Huh?”

Itwassocleartohernow,and,needingittobecleartohim,shestrippedoutofherclotheswhile

hesputtered,andthensheclimbedintobedwithhim.

Twowarm,hardarmscamearoundher.“Cristina.”
Shekissedhisjaw,andthenhischest,andhegroaned,thesoundbringinghersuchrawreliefshe

feltthestingoftearsatthebaseofherthroat.“You’renotmadatme,”sheletoutbeforeshecould
stopherself.

“Frustrated.Irritated.Hurt.”Heshookhisheadandsighed.“Butnotmad.”
“I’msosorry,Dustin,”shewhispered,slippingherhandsintohisrobe,warmingatthediscovery

thathewasnakedbeneath.Shetuggedtherobeoffhisshoulderssotheycouldbothbenakedtogether.
“Thisdayreallysuckedgolfballs.”

“Tellmeaboutit.”
“Don’tevergetshotagain.”
“Amentothat.”
“Dustin,I—”
Buthishandswerebusyskimmingovereveryinchofher,wrenchingaheartfeltandappreciative

deepgroanfromhischest.Ittuggedather,fromloinstothetipsofherhair,andshekissedhim.She
meantittobeasweetkiss,apreludetotheI-love-youspeechshe’dprepared,buthishandsswept
downherbackandcuppedherbottom,nudginghercloseruntilheletoutahissandwentstill.

“Careful,”shegasped.“Idon’twanttohurtyou—”
“You’rekillingme.”Buthewouldn’tletherpullaway.Rollingtohisback,heurgedheroveron

topofhimuntilshestraddledhiswaist.

Sheunderstood.Itwashermove.Ifshewantedhim,wantedthem,thenthisonewasonher.No

problemthere.Herfingerscurledaroundhim.Hewasready.Shereachedforthecondomshe’d
brought.

“Youcameprepared.”
“Inmanyways—”Shebrokeofftoputitonhim,leavingthembothgaspingbythetimeshewas

done.“Areyouokay?”

“Iwillbe.Whenyou—Oh,yeah,”hemanagedonaroughbreathwhenshesankdownonhim.

Theirtwinmoansmingledinthenight,andshedroppedherforeheadtohis,swampedwithemotion.
“Dustin.”

“MuchasIwanttobethemachoguyhereandshowyouagoodtime,Ican’tmove.Myleg—”
“I’vegotyou.”Andforonce,shedid.Shecuppedhisfaceandbreathedhisairandrepeatedit

softly.“I’vegotyou,Dustin.”Heartandsoul…

Whenshebegantomove,itseemedasthoughherentireworldmovedalonginsync.Forthefirst

timeshefeltcompletelytransformed,transfixed,beyondherself.Hegrippedherhipsinhishandsand
letherridehim,andjustwhenshebegantogoover,hestrokedherwheretheywerejoined,making
herhis…exceptshealreadywas.

His.
Sheletherselffall,andonestrokelater,hefellwithher.
Ittookheralongtimetorecover.Stillbreathless,sherolledoffhim,shockedatthedepthsof

whatthey’djustshared.“Howwasthatforafirstmove?”

Hereachedforherhand,bringingittohismouth.“Nice.”
“Ihavemore.Firstmoves,thatis.”
“You’regoingtohavetogivemeaminute.”
“No,”shesaid,andlaughed.Rollingover,shelayonhischest,lookingthroughthedarktofind

hiseyesglitteringwithinterest.“Imeantadifferentfirstmove.”Hersmilefaded,replacedbynerves.
“I’vebeenanidiot,Dustin.Astubborn,closed-mindedidiot.”

Hislipsquirkedinsilentagreement,buthedidn’trespond.Hishandsthough,theymoved,upand

downhernakedbody,producingasetofanticipatoryshivers.Hehadthemostamazingtouch.

“Andalso—”Shepaused.“Okay,thisisthehardpartbecauseI’veneversaidthisbefore—Iwas

wrong.”God,thosehands.Andnowhismouthgotintothefray,too,nibblingathershoulder,over
hercollarbone…“Aboutmebeingabletobeinarelationship.Aboutus.Aboutsomanythings—”His
fingersweredrivinghercrazy.“Areyoulistening?”

“Mmm-hmm.”
Hesoundedlaid-backandsleepy-eyedandsexyashell,andshebreathedhimin.“Idon’tknow

whyI’msoanxious.It’sjustwords.Threewords.”Shedrewabreath.“Iloveyou.”

Hishandswentstillandhestaredather.“What?”
“I’msorryittookmesolongtotellyou,butasyouknow,Ihaveafewissues.”
Hiseyeswerebright,warmandfilledwithloveforherevenashislipsquirked.“Iloveyouand

yourissues.”

“Iknow.Andthat’smyownmiracle,believeme.”Sheshothimashakysmile.“Iwantyou,Dustin.

EMTorwhateveritisyouwanttodo—Idon’tcare.Ijustcan’timagineyounotbeinginmylife.”
Sheheldherbreathforhisreaction,buthemerelysmiled,too,aslowbeautifulsmilethatstoppedher
heart.

“Abouttime,”hemurmured,andpulledherclose.

*****

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HERNAUGHTYHOLIDAY

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MENATWORK.

I

TWASTHE

bestofemails.Itwastheworstofemails.AndCloverreceivedthembothwithintwo

minutesofeachother.

Clover ’semotionalpendulumswungfromlefttorightsofastuponcheckinghercomputershe

hadtoputherheaddownontoherdeskandbreathethroughthelight-headedness.Itwasinthis
unusuallyundignifiedposition—armsondesk,headbetweenarms,hoodieoverherhead—that
Clover ’sassistantfoundher.

“Um,Clo?Youokaydownthere?”
“Oh,I’mfine.Thanksforasking.”
“Areyousureyou’refine?”
“SureI’msure.”
“Areyousureyou’resureyou’resure?”
“Nope.”
“Ididn’tthinkso.”
Cloversatupandlookedacrossherdeskwhereherseventeen-year-oldassistant,Ruthie,stood

lookingather,waitingforanexplanation.

“Isyourhairmorepurplethanusualtoday?”Cloverasked.“Orisitthelight?”
“Morepurple.Irecoloreditlastnight.”
“Looksgood.”
“Thanks.”
Cloverputherheadbackdownonherdesk.
“Clover?”
“What?”
“Clove?”
“What?”
“Clo?”
“Whatisit,Ruthie?”Cloversatupagain.
“Youweremoaning.Didyouknowthat?”
“Iwas?”
“Youwere.Andnotthegoodkindofmoaning.”
ClovernarrowedhereyesatRuthie.
“Whatwouldyouknowaboutthegoodkindofmoaning?”Cloverasked.
“Nothing.Iknownothingaboutgoodmoaning.That’swhatwetellPops,anyway.Right?”

“Right.Pops.Yourfather.Oh,God.Myfather…”
Oncemoreherheadhitherdeskandthistimeitwasn’tcomingbackupuntiltheworldhadended,

thussolvingallofClover ’sproblems.

“Clo,what’swrong?TellmeorI’mnotleaving.”
“Youhavetoleave.Youhaveaplanetocatch.”
“TheplaneistakingmetoLA.Trustme,I’minnohurrytogetthere.”
Cloverslowlyrolledupandsatbackinherofficechair.Theplacewasamess,butacomfortable

mess.Shehadfernsoverflowingontoherworktable,orchidsonherdesk,pottingsoilinthe
wheelbarrowbythestormdoorandherlemontreewasgettingsobigithungoverherdesk,making
thewholeofficelooklikesomethingoutofaDr.Seussbook.Shelikedithere.Shelovedithere.
Maybeshe’dstayhere.Forever.

“Myparents’housefinallysoldandmysister ’shousehasantsandhastobefumigated.Andmy

brother ’shouseisstillundergoingrenovationsthattheywereundergoinglastThanksgiving.”

“Goodforyourparents.Badforyourbrotherandsister.”
“Also,PNWGardenSupplyuppedtheiroffertofivemillion.”
Ruthie’sblueeyeswentasbigasthelemonshangingoffClover ’stree.
“Fivemilliondollars?Forthisplace?”
“AndthePortlandlocation.”
“Thisisall…wow.ButIdon’tgettheconnectionbetweenahouseselling,ants,abuyoutoffer

and…this.”RuthiefloppedoverontoClover ’sdeskbeforestandingupagain.

“Thebuyoutofferisgreat,fantastic,fabulous,”Cloversaid.“AndIhaveuntilMondaytodecide

totakeitornot.”

“TomorrowisMonday.”
“NextMonday,theMondayafterThanksgiving.AndwithMomandDadoutoftheirhouseand

Kelly’shousebeingfumigated,andHunter ’shousebeingrenovated…Weknowwhatthatmeans.”

“Wedo?”
“ItmeansluckymegetstohostThanksgiving.Bytheway,theydidn’taskmeifIwouldhost

Thanksgiving.No,theytoldmetoexpectthemonThanksgiving.SotheweekIshouldbedecidingif
I’mgoingtosellthecompanyI’vespentthelastfiveyearsofmylifebuildingistheweekI’llbe
hostingmyfamily,and…oh,myGod,killme,Ruthie.Please.”

Headmetdeskoncemoreandtheydecidedtospendtherestoftheirlivestogether.
“Doyouneedalavender-infusedwipe?”Ruthieasked.
“Yes,please.”
Ruthieputthelavender-scentedmoisttoweletteintoherhand,andCloverpresseditagainsther

faceandinhaleddeeplyandrepeatedly.

“Isitworking?Calmeryet?”Ruthieasked.
“Doyouhaveanythingstronger?Likechloroform?”
“Icouldlightsomeincense,maybe?”Ruthiesuggested.“Orwecangooutandfindayewtree.”
“Yewtreesarenotnativetothiscontinent.Also,they’rehighlytoxic,soexactlywhatarewe

supposedtodowithayewtree?”Cloverasked,narrowinghereyesbehindthelavendertowel.“You
aren’tpoisoninganyone,areyou?”

“Treesareancientsacredbeings,andyewtreesaresymbolsofrenewal.Weshouldstandinfront

ofoneandaskMotherNatureforHerwisdom.”

“Ihavethislemontreerighthere.”Cloverpointedatthetreehangingoverherhead.“Isthatnot

goodenoughfortheMother?”

“Fruittreesarefertilitysymbols.Ifweprayunderthatoneyoumightgetpregnant.Orworse,I

mightgetpregnant.”

“Okay,we’llskipthelemontree,then.AlthoughifIgotpregnantthatwouldshutmyfamilyup.”
“Yourfamilywantsyoutogetpregnant?”
“Theywantmetobehappy.It’sawful.”
“Yeah,soundsabsolutelyhorrible,”Ruthiesaidinhergloriousteenagedeadpan.“Screwthem.”
“No,it’snotthat.Well,itis.MybrotherwillcometoThanksgivingandhewillbringhiswife,

Lisa,andtheirthreekids.Mysisterwillbringherhandsomehusbandandtheirfourkids.Momand
DadwillcometoThanksgivingandcrywithjoybecausealltheirchildrenandgrandchildrenare
underthesameroof.AndIwillbethere.Alone.Inthehouse.Thirtyyearsold.Nohusband.No
boyfriend.Nokids.Ihaven’tevenbeenonadateinyears.Andtheywillletmeknowoverandover
again,andinnouncertainterms,thatI’mnotgettinganyyounger,andifI’mevergoingtobehappy
thatmagicalwaytheyarehappywiththeirbeautifulspousesandtheirperfectchildren,Ihavetogeta
moveonit.AndIwillsitthereandIwilllistentoallofthis.And…”

“And?”
“AndIwillsmileandnodwhileImentallystabthemallwiththecarvingknife.”
“Whyonlymentally?”
Cloverlookedupfromthenestshe’dmadewithherhoodieonthedesk.
“You’reacreepykid,Ruthie.Justalittlecreepy.”Sheheldupherfingersaninchapart.
“Thankyou.”Ruthiecurtsied.
“Iknewyou’dlikethat.So…that’swhat’swrong.Nothingandeverything.”
“Can’tyoujusttellyourfamilytoshutupandmindtheirownbusiness?It’syourbody,your

womb.”

“Whydon’tyoujusttellyourdadtoshutupandmindhisownbusinesswhenheasksyouabout

yourhomeworkoryourgradesoryourboyfriend?”

“Ido.”
“Doesitwork?”
“Allright,yougotmethere.Maybenexttimeyourmomtellsyoutohavekidsyoucansayyou’ve

dedicatedyourwombtoMotherEarth.”

“Whatdoesthatentailexactly?”
“Idon’tknow,butIsaiditatschoolonceanditgotmeoutofP.E.thatdaysoyoushouldtryit.”
“ThatwouldnotgooververywellwithmyPresbyterianmother.”
“Youneedanewfamily,”Ruthiesaid.“Youcanjoinmycoven.”
Cloversatupforthelasttime,abandoningherdesknestforgood.Shewasagrown-up,afterall.

SheneededtobesettingabetterexampleforRuthie.Adultsfacetheirproblems.Theydonothide
fromtheminsidehoodedsweatshirts.

“Ilovemyfamily.Ijustalso,sortof,hatethem.Listentothisemailfrommysister.”
Cloverpulleditupandreadinherbestfakesweetvoice.

Clo!OMG,thankyouforlettingusdoThanksgivingatyourplace.Itmustbesogreatnothavingkids
soyouhaveallthatfreetime.It’sagoodthingIlovethesekidsbecause,Iswear,theyarethebiggest
handfulonearth.Itmustbeniceonlyhavingtodealwithplants.Iftheydienobodycares,right?Ihave
tokeepthesecrittersaliveandthatisafull-timejob.Speakingofthekids,Ipostedaboutfiftynew
picsinthefamilyphotoalbum.Can’twaittohearwhatyouthinkofGus’sclasspicture.He’sreally
thecutestkidintheclassbutI’mprobablybiased.Loveyou!SeeyouThursday!

Ruthiestaredather,wide-eyedwithhorror.
“Ihateyourfamily.EvenGus,”Ruthiesaid.“Goddessforgiveme.”
“Fiftynewpicturesofthekids?Shejustputintwodozenlastweekend!AndIhavetocommenton

everylastoneofthemorshe’llbugmeuntilIdo.”

“Childrenareparasites,”Ruthiesaid.
“SoI’mguessingyou’renotplanningonhavingkidswhenyou’reolder?”
“Whatdoyouhaveagainstparasites?”Ruthierolledhereyes.
Cloverwiselychosetoasknofollow-upquestions.
“Nobodycaresifmyplantsdie?”Cloversaidwithasigh.“DoesshenotunderstandthatIsell

plantsandIcan’tselldeadplants?”

“Hasshemetanyofyourcustomers?Sheshouldcomeanswerthephoneforaweekhere,and

thenshecansaynobodycaresifyourplantsdie,”Ruthiesaid.“Doesshenotknowiftheplantsdie,
yourbusinessdies?”

“Kellymeanswell.”
“Youhavetoletmeburnherhousedown.Please?”
“Noburninganything.You’restillonprobation.”
“Fine.ButifsheevercomesinhereI’mgoingtoputaVenusflytrapdownherpants.”
“Thatdoesn’tsoundveryZen.”
“ZenisateachingofBuddhism.AlthoughIrespectBuddhism,I’mtechnicallyaneo-pagan.And

neo-paganswouldtotallyputaVenusflytrapdownyoursister ’spants.Atleastthisneo-paganwould.”

“You’revery…sweet?Okay,no,butit’sniceofyoutodefendme.Myfamilywantsthebestfor

me,butit’salwaystheirversionof‘thebest,’notmyversion.IknowexactlywhatMomwillsaywhen
Itellheraboutthebuyoutoffer.She’llsay,‘Oh,Clo,honey,that’swonderful.Nowyoucanquitwork
andfinallyfocusonyourpersonallife.’I’dbetmoneyonthoseexactwords.”

“Weird.I’dsay,‘Oh,Clo,that’swonderful.Fivemilliondollarsbuys,like,fiveyearsofmale

escortservices.”

“Onlyfiveyears?”
“Thoseguysmakebank,Clo.Youshouldhireone.Hecouldhelpyouwithyourlittleproblem…”

Ruthiesang,flutteringhereyelashes,theverypictureoffeignedinnocence.

“Idon’tevenfeelcomfortablegettingmanicures.DoyoureallythinkIcouldhandlehiringamale

escort?Andwhatonearthareyoudoinglookingupmaleescorts,anyway?”

“Iadmirethem.TheyaretheonlymenontheplanetdoingwhattheGoddessintendsmentodo,

i.e.,devotingthemselvesentirelytofemalepleasure.”

“IfIdidn’tletyouhireastripperformybirthday,doyoureallythinkI’mgoingtohireamale

escort?Foranything?Includingmylittleproblemormybigproblem?”

“Okay,maybenot.ButyoucouldaskPops.”
“What?”
“AskPops.Youknow,myfather?Picksmeupeveryday?Thetallguywiththedirtunderhisnails

who’scute,Iguess,foradad.”

“Yes,Iknowwhoyourfatheris.We’vemetafewhundredtimes.”
“Well,askhim,then.Hehasallhisteethandallhishairandheknowshowtocookaturkey.What

morecouldanywomanwantinafakeboyfriend?”

“He’syourdad.”
“Iknow.I’vealsomethim,”Ruthiesaid.
“Ican’taskyourdadtohelpmewithmylittleproblem.”

“Notyourlittleproblem.Yourbigproblem.Hecanbeyourfakeboyfriendthisweek.”
“That’snotagoodidea.”
“Whynot?He’snotdatinganybody.Plus,helikesyou.Andhe’llbealonethisweekwhileI’m

withMom.”

“Becausehe’syourdad.Andyouworkforme.AndIthinkthatwouldbealittlebitweird.”Clover

paused.“Wait.Whatdoyoumeanhelikesme?”

“Imeanhelikesyou.Whywouldn’thelikeyou?You’reniceandyou’reagoddess.”
“I’mdirt-encrustedonadailybasis,”shesaid.Shealsolivedinherjeans,fleecevestsand

turtlenecks,andanymakeupsheputoninthemorningshe’dsweatedoffbynoon.Herblondhair
neverleftitsponytailuntilnight.

“SoisMotherNature.”
“IsyourfatherattractedtoMotherNature?”
“Ifhe’ssmartheis.Andhe’ssmart,butdon’ttellhimthat.Comeon,Clo,Popsthinksyou’re

awesomeforgivingmethisjob.Hesaysyou’reagoodrolemodel.Hereallydoeslikeyou.”

“Likingmeisnotthesameaslikingme.Andevenifhedidlikeme,he’syourfather.Idon’twant

thingstobeweirdwithyouandme.”

“Youdon’tthinkit’salreadyweirdthatyoucheckhimouteverytimehepicksmeup?”
Cloverblushedcrimson.
“Idonotcheckyourfatherout.”
“IhavelivedallmylifeunderthecurseoftheSexySingleDad.Myownfriendscheckhimout.

It’ssogross.Butit’snotgrosswhenyoudoit.It’sadorable.”

CloverglaredatRuthieacrosstheoffice.
“Suityourself,”Ruthiesaid.“Ididn’twantabadassstepmother,anyway.I’lljustwritedownthe

numberforthemaleescortservice.Doyoulikeblondguys?Svenishalf-offthisweek.”

“Whichhalf?”
“You’llhavetocallandfindout…”Ruthieraisedherheadandglancedoutthewindowbehind

Clover ’sdesk.“Speakofthedevil.Popsishere.Timetofly.”

CloverturnedaroundandlookedoutatthetruckpullingintotheparkinglotofClover ’s

Greenery,thefinestplantnurseryintheentireMountHoodareaaccordingtoPNWGardenSupply.
Thatreputationwasseeminglywhytheywerereadytohandoveracoolfivemilliondollarstoher
forhertwolocationsandthename.Thatwasthestickingpoint.Thename.Itwashername.Shekind
ofwantedtokeephernameandusehernameandsellplantswithhername.LookatErick,Ruthie’s
dad.PaintedrightonthesideofhiswhiteDodgeRamwerethewordsErickFields—CedarRoofing,
SidingandDecking.Hewashisbusiness.Hisnamewashiswork.Hisworkwashisname.She
respectedthat.GivingupherrighttodobusinessunderthenameCloverGreenewouldhurt.But
wouldithurtsomuchthatfivemilliondollarscouldn’teasethepain?

Probablynot.
ShewatchedasErickparkedhistruckandwalkedtowardtheoffice.HeusuallypickedRuthieup

afterworksinceRuthiedidn’thaveacarofherown,buttodayhewastakinghertotheairporttovisit
hermotherfortheweek.WhetherCloverwantedtoadmititornot,ErickwascuteandCloverwas
checkinghimout.Actually,cutewasn’ttherightwordforErick.Hewashandsome.Ruggedly
handsomewithhisclose-croppedbrown-and-grayhairandhisdarkeyesthatalwaysseemedtobe
laughingatsomething.Andtall?Definitely.AndErickwasmanly,withhisbuff-coloredworkcoat,
hissteel-tippedworkbootsandhishandsalwaysstainedwithpaintordeckstain.Manlywithoutbeing
macho,whichsheappreciated.Shehadnotimeformachoorswaggerinaman.Noposturingforher.

Erickturnedhisheadandlookedthroughthewindow,raisinghishandinawave.Cloversatup
straight.Oops.Shegotcaughtstaring.Shegaveaquickcasualwavebackandspunaroundinherdesk
chairagain,hopingRuthiehadn’tseen.

Ruthiewasbackathersmalldesk,clearingupherstuffandthrowingitallintoherbackpack.It

wouldbedullaroundherewithRuthiegonefortheweekandthenurseryclosedforwinterafter
today.Cloveralwaysfeltlostwhenshedidn’thavetocomeintoworkateighteverymorningand
stayuntileighteverynight.Withthenurserytakingupsomuchofhertime,shedidn’thavemuchofa
lifeoutsideit.Whenthenurserycloseddownfortheseason,Cloverdidn’tknowwhattodowith
herself.Maybehermotherhadapoint.MaybeClovershouldgiveherpersonallifemoreattention.

Ormaybethatwasherfamilytalking,nother.
“Yousureyoudon’twantmetopimpyououttoPops?”Ruthieaskedassheslungherbackpack

overhershoulder.

“AsGodismywitness,Idonotwantyoutopimpmeouttoyourfather.Oranyone.Ever.”
“Yourloss.HecandomagicwithaBigGreenEgg.That’snotasexthing,bytheway.That’sa

grill.”

“IknowwhataBigGreenEggis.Iknowitisnotasexthing.”
“AlthoughMomdoessayPopswasgood—”
“Stoprightthere,younglady.Ihavenothingbutrespectforyourfather.Especiallysinceheputs

upwithyouforty-fiveweeksoutoftheyear.Nowgo.HaveagreatweekwithyourMom.Don’t
worryaboutme.”

“I’mgoingtoworryaboutyou,Clo.”
“I’myourboss,I’manadultandI’llbefine.”
“You’remyfriend.You’reahotmess.Youneedhelp.”
“Ineedahug.Comehere.”
RuthiegroanedasCloverhuggedher.
“Nogroaning.You’llhaveagreattimeinLA.”
“Toomuchsun.Ihatethesun,”Ruthiesaid.“WhywouldIlivehereifIlikedthesun?”
“Iknowyouhatethesun.I’msureithatesyou,too.Wearsunscreenandahat.You’llcomebackas

ghastlypaleandsicklylookingasever,Ipromise.”

“Youswear?”
“Iswear.”
“Goodluckthisweek,”Ruthiesaid,takingCloverbythearms.“Letmeknowwhatyoudecide

aboutthenursery.I’dhatetolosemyjobhere,butI’dalsolovetobefriendswithamillionaire,so
whateveryouchoose,I’monyourside.”

“SoonasIknow,you’llknow.Besafe.”
“IfIhaveto.”Ruthiegrabbedherjacketjustasherfatherstuckhisheadthroughtheofficedoor.
“Hey,girls.”
“Sexist,”Ruthiesaid.“Tryagain.”
“Hello,ladies?”
“Elitist.”Ruthiepulledherjacketonandzippeditup.“Onemoretry.”
Erickdroppedhischintohischest,andClovercoveredhermouthtostiflealaugh.
“Greetings,myfellowAmericans,”Ericksaid,hiseyesrolledheavenwardasifprayingfor

patience.

“Better.”Ruthienoddedherapproval.“ButonlybecauseweareAmericans.Youcan’tassumethat

abouteveryone.”

“Areyoureadytogo,Ruthless?Pleasesayyes.”
“Ready,”shesaid.“Justletmerefillmywaterbottlerealquick.”
Shewalkedoutoftheofficewithherwaterbottleinhand,anormalerrandbutforthelittlewink

shegaveCloverasshewalkedpast.

“Howareyou,Erick?”Cloverasked,hopingthatquestiondidn’tsoundasawkwardtohisearsas

itdidtohers.NowthatRuthiehadplantedtheideainClover ’sheadofaskingErickout,shewas
havingtroublemakingeyecontactwithhim.Andthatwastoobad.Shereallylikedhiseyes.

“I’mgood.Readyforafewdaysoffthisweek.You?”
“Ihatedaysoff,”shesaid,sittingontopofherdesk.“I’mabouttogettoomanyofthemformy

tastenowthatwe’reclosedforthewinter.”

“WillyoubeclimbingthewallsbyTuesday?”
“No,butcheckonmeagaininlateJanuarywhenI’verunoutofbusywork,”Cloversaid.“Takes

meacouplemonthstorememberhowtobelazy.”

“Itwouldn’ttakemenearlythatlong.Buthey,thanksforgivingRuththewholeweekoff.Iknow

youcouldusethehelpcleaningupandlockingthingsdown.”

“It’sfine.SheneedstoseehermomandeverythingwehavetodocanwaituntilRuthiegetsback.I

won’tbeinmuchthisweek,anyway.Getstoolonelyaroundherewhenshe’sgone.”

“Tellmeaboutit.I’llbegoingnutsthisweek,too.Cleanbathroom?Nodishesinthesink?No

brashangingofftheshowerdoor?God,whydoesn’tmykidleavemoreoften?”

“Youknowyou’llmissme,”Ruthiesaidfromthedoorway.
“Ido?”
“Youdo,”shesaid,punchinghiminthearm.“Comeon,I’mreadyasI’lleverbe.”
“Yougoteverything?”Erickaskedasheraisedhishandtotickitemsoffonhisfingers.“Meds.

Phone.Charger.Yourhomework.Sunscreen.”

“ATaser,alaser,acanofmace,anactualmace,ahuntingknife,yes,yes,yes.IhaveeverythingI

needforaweekinLA.Let’sgo,Pops,we’regoingtobelate.”

“Bye,dear,”Cloversaid.“Havefunorwhateveritisthatyoudothat’slikehavingfun.”
“Thanks,Clo.IleftSven’snumberonyourdesk.”
“Sven?”ErickrepeatedashegrabbedRuthiebyherjacketcollarandledherfromtheoffice.

“Who’sSven?”

“Nobody,”Ruthiesaid.“JustamaleescortIhiredforClover.”
“Isthatinyourjobdescription?”heasked.
“Yeah,ofcourse.WhatdoyouthinkIdohereallday?”
“Yourdaughterisweird,Erick,”Clovercalledafterthem,consideringmovingbackintoherdesk

nest.

“Youdon’thavetotellmethat.HaveagoodThanksgiving,”hesaid,gentlyforce-marching

Ruthieouttohistruck.

“You,too,”shesaid.AfterErickandRuthiehadgone,Cloverforcedherselftoreplytohertwo

emails.

Tothefirst—thefive-million-dollarbuyoutoffershe’dreceivedfromPNWGardenSupply’s

CFO—sherepliedwithasimpleI’llletyouknowonMonday.HappyThanksgiving.

Tohersister ’semailsherepliedwithasmileyfaceemojiandaGreat!Can’twaittoseeeveryone!
Shemadesuretofilltheemailwithunnecessaryexclamationpointstomaskherincrediblesense

ofdreadaboutthewholeshebang.Allherfamily—herparents,twosiblings,theirspousesandseven
kidsunderoneroofforanentireday?Therewasnotenoughpunctuationintheworldtofakehow

muchshewasnotlookingforwardtothat.

Kellyrepliedtotheemailalmostimmediately.
Momwantstoknowifwe’regoingtobemeetinganyonespecialonThursday,Kellywrote.
Cloverpickedupatrowelandconsideredstabbingherlaptopwithitsoshewouldn’thaveto

reply.

Insteadshesimplyignoredtheemailandgottoworkcleaning.Pottingsoilandwheelbarrowwent

intothestorageshed.Fernsbackintothegreenhouse.Itwasn’ttherighttimeofyeartotrimalemon
treesoshemovedittotheoppositecorneroftheofficewhereitcouldspreadoutalittlemoreuntil
shecouldtrimitdownagaintoamoreindoor-friendlysize.Andallthewhileshethoughtaboutwhat
shewoulddowithfivemilliondollarsandallthefreetimeanybodycouldwant.

Fivemillionwasalotofmoney.Notenoughtobuytheworldbutplentytogointoherretirement

accountandleaveenoughtostartanewcompany.ButwiththenoncompeteclauseinthePNWGarden
Supplyoffer,shewouldn’tbeabletostartanothernurseryinOregonorWashington.Shecouldmove
toNorthernCaliforniaandopenanurserythere.Thenagain,that’swhereherparentslived,which
meantinsteadofhearingabouthowsheneededtogetmarriedandhavekidsASAPandSTATon
majorholidays,she’dheariteverysingleweek.

OrshecouldstayintheMountHoodareaandopenalandscapingbusiness.Notquiteasmuchfun

asanurserybutitwasstillworkingwithplants.Orshecouldtakeafewyearsoff.Orshecouldmove
toHawaii.OrAlaska.Orshecouldspendthemoneyonmaleescortsforthenextfiveyears.

“YouarenotcallingSven,”Cloversaidtoherself.“Evenifheishalf-offthisweek.”
Cloverwenttothesinkandconsideredstickingherheadundercoldrunningwateruntilshe

calmeddownordrowned.Eitherwouldbepreferabletohercurrentconfused,miserableandmuddled
stateofmind.Insteadshejustwashedallthatpottingsoiloffherhandswithherlavasoapandanail
brush.Asshewasdryingherhandsshesawheadlightsintheparkinglot.Aftersixalready?She
couldn’tbelievesomuchtimehadpassedthatithadgottendark.Sheneededtoheadhomeandgetto
workcleaningherhouse.Thedeckneededtobecleanedoff,too,incasetheweatherwasclear
enoughtogrilloutsideoruseherfirepitfors’mores.Herniecesandnephewswouldmakes’mores
overthatfirepitinthemiddleofasnowstormiftheirparentswouldletthem.Shebettergetsomeone
tofixthelooseboardsbythepit.

Somuchtodo,solittledesiretodoanyofit.
“Knock,knock.”
CloverturnedaroundandsawErickstickinghisheadinthroughtheworkroomdoor.
“Oh,hey,”shesaid,tossingherhandtowelonthecounter.“What’sup?”
“Mylovelybrilliantwonderfuldaughterleftherphonehere.Ihavebeencommandedtofetchit

andovernightittohermom’shouse.”

“Ruthieleftherphonehere?Ithoughtshehadthatthingsurgicallyattachedtoherhand.”
“Yeah,me,too.Anddidn’tIspecificallyaskherifshehadherphoneandhercharger?”
“Youdid.Rightafteraskingherifshehadhermeds.”
“Okay.GladIhaveawitnessforthissoIknowit’sonehundredpercentherfault.”
“Allherfault,”shesaid,tryingnottolaugh.ErickandRuthiewerehilarioustogether.Ruthiewas

comicallysullenaroundherfather,whowascomicallysullenaroundhisdaughter.Theysnarkedat
eachothersowellonewouldthinksarcasmwastheonlylanguagetheybothspoke.Butitwas
impossiblenottoseehowmuchEricklovedhisgirlandhowmuchRuthieadoredherfather,evenif
theydidconstantlyharangueandharasseachother.Shecalledhim“Pops,”whichhehated,andhe
calledher“Ruthless,”whichshehatedevenmore.Cloverfounditallendearingandentertaining.She

wishedshecouldteaseherownparentslikethat.

“Ruthiesaidherphone’sinherdeskbutshemighthavelockeditinthere.”
“I’llgetmykey,”Cloversaid.HefollowedherbackintoherofficeandClovertookthekeyoff

thewallhook.“Youknow,itisreallynotlikehertoleaveherphone.Sheokay?”

“She’sfine.Sheprobablyhasit.She’sprobablypullingsomekindofprankonmebysendingme

backhere.There’sarealpossibilitythere’sasnakeinthere,”Ericksaid.“Iknowmydaughterandshe
knowsIhatesnakes.”

“Iknowher,too.Sostandback.I’llprotectyou.Ready?”Shestuckherkeyinthedeskdrawer

lock.

“Ihatesnakes,”Ericksaid.
“Set.”
“Reallyhatesnakes.”
“Go.”Sheopenedthedrawerandsaw…“It’sherphone.”
“Nosnakes?”Erickhadhiseyesshutsotightitlookedlikehewasinpain.
“Nosnakes.Sheactuallyforgotherphone.Wow.”
“Maybesheiscomingdownwithsomething.Ihopeshe’snotsick.Youthinkthisisasignofa

braintumororsomething?”

“Sheseemedfinetoday.”
“Okay.I’llgetgoing,then.AccordingtoRuthie,Ihavetofindatwenty-four-hourUPSstoreand

demandtheyshipthistoherovernightandthedriverhastobehot,notnormalhot—UPS-driverhot.”

“Thatisaveryspecificrequest.”
“IsSvenUPS-driverhot?”Erickaskedashestuffedthephoneintohiscoatpocket.
“IhavenoideawhatSvenlookslike.Yourdaughteristryingtogetmetohireamaleescortthis

weekbecausemyfamilyiscomingtomyhouseforThanksgiving.”

Erickliftedhischinandcockedaneyebrow.
“YoualldoThanksgivingalittledifferentlythanmostpeople.”
Cloverlaughed.“Oh,no,wedoitthetraditionalway.Toomuchfoodandtonsofcriticizing

familymembersfortheirlifechoices.”

“Who’sthetarget?”
Cloverpointedatherself.Erickbarkedalaugh.
“You?Thetarget?”
“Me.Thetarget.”
“Idon’tbuyit.Whyyou?”
“Whynotme?”sheasked.
“Becauseyouownandoperateyourownbusiness.Youknowmoreaboutplantsthananyonein

thisentirestate.You’rerespectedbyyouremployees,evenmydaughter,whodoesn’trespectanyone
oranything,andyou’re…youknow.”

“What?”
“Easyontheeyes,”hesaid.
“Iam?”
“Myeyesaren’tcomplaining,”hesaid.“Justsaying,mymom’salwaystryingtogetmetoshave.

Shehatesbeards.ButRuthiewon’tletmeshaveitoff.”

“Whynot?”
“OneofherfriendsmadethemistakeoftellingRuthieherdadwas‘hot.’RuthiesaidIeitherhad

togrowabeardorwearabagovermyhead.”

“Thebeardwastherightchoice.”
“Butyoudon’thaveabeardfromwhatIcantell.”HenarrowedhiseyesatherfaceandClover

turnedleftandright,givinghimagoodlookathernonexistentbeard.“Nope.Nobeard.Noreasonto
pickonyouforanything.”

“They’llfindareason.Theyalwaysdo.”
“Ihaveacousininjailforbouncingchecks,mygrandfather ’sfavoritehobbyissittingonhis

porchshootinghisrifleatcrows,andmyauntraisespygmygoatsinsideherhouseso,youknow,
yourfamilyshouldcounttheirblessings.”

“I’mthirty.I’mnotmarried.I’mnotdatinganybody.Ihavenokids.Icouldhaveabilliondollars

andbecrownedQueenoftheMountainandthatstillwouldn’tbeenoughformyfamily.”

“Ah…thatexplainsSven.”Henoddedsagely.
“I’maboutreadytohirehimtoplayboyfriendforaweekifit’llshutmyfamilyupaboutmy

biologicalclockforoneday.Whichremindsme—youfreethisweek?”

“YouaskingmetobeyourSven?”
Cloverlaughed.“No,Iwasactuallyaskingyouifyoucouldfixmydeck.”
“Oh.Well,yeah.Sure.Bigjob?”
“Twolooseboardsandabrokenslat.”
“Whatcolorstain?”
“Clear.Homewaresbrand.”
“Ihavesomeofthatinmytruck.Icancometomorrowmorning,ifit’snotpouring.”
“I’llwritedownmyaddressforyou,”shesaidasshescribbledherhomeaddressonanotecard

andpassedittohim.“Iappreciateit.IhaveafirepitandIknowthekidswillwanttouseitfor
marshmallows.”

“Icangetitalldoneinanhour.Mytreat.”
“Ipaypeoplefortheworktheydo.Nofreebies.”
“Yougavemydaughterajobwhennobodyelsewould.Ioweyou.”
“Youdon’towemeathing.Ruthie’sgreatatthisjob.”
“Iknowsheis,butshewouldn’thavebeengreatatherjobifyouhadn’ttakenachanceonher.

Nobodywantedtogiveasixteen-year-oldgirlwithgreenhair,ahorribleattitudeandacriminal
recordajobexceptyou.NotevenMcDonald’s.Please.Letmefixyourdeckasathank-youfor
keepingmykidoutoftrouble.”

“Fine.Sinceit’sonlyanhour ’swork.Thenwe’llcalliteven.”
“Great.Seeyoutomorrowmorningaroundeight.”
“Thanks,Erick.Haveagoodnightinyouremptyhouse.”
“You,too,”hesaid.HestartedforthedooranditwasthenthatCloverrealizedthatRuthiewas

sneakierandmoreevilthanshe’devergiventhegirlcreditfor.She’dleftherphonehereonpurpose
soErickwouldhavetocomebackforitandthey’dbealonetogether.Cloverwouldbeangryexcept
foronething—shedidreallylikeErick.Andforthatreasonaloneshesaidwhatshesaid.

“Hey,Erick?”
Heturnedbackaroundinthedoorway,andhediditsoquicklyitwasasifhe’dbeenhopingshe’d

saysomethingtostophim.

“Yes,Clover?”hesaidinaplayfullyhuskyvoice.
“Ihavesomethingweirdtoaskyou.”
“You’vemetmychild.YouknowIcanhandleweird.Askit.”
“Doyou…wouldyou…maybewouldyouwantbemySventhisweek?”

Don’tmiss

HERNAUGHTYHOLIDAY

byTiffanyReisz,

availableNovember2016

whereverHarlequin®Blaze®booksandebooksaresold.

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Copyright©2016byTiffanyReisz

ISBN-13:9781488025532

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Copyright©2008JillShalvis

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