T A Chase Be the Air For You

…Getting sweaty with another guy in an intimate situation was one

thing. Shit, I loved that smell, but just me stinking almost put me off
food at times. Letting the water run, I dunked my head under the
faucet and let the cool water soothe the pounding in my brain.

“Are you okay?” Hawk asked from beside me.
Shivering, I kept my eyes closed as he stroked his hand over my

shoulder. His talented fingers trailed over my newest tattoo, a red-
tailed hawk in flight.

“Is this for me?”
“Yes.” I shut off the water and straightened, taking the towel he

held out for me. I dried off slightly, not wanting to take the time to get
completely dry. “I don’t know anyone else whose name is Hawk.”

“Do you know in Celtic lore, a hawk is thought to empower people

to examine everything and choose the positive things for their life and
to allow them to let the negative things go?” Hawk murmured,
watching me get dressed.

“What does your Native American side say about hawks?”
My friend often found comfort in the mythology of both his

ancestors. Even if I wasn’t very religious, I never doubted his beliefs,
for often I found they comforted me as well.

“The Navajo see the hawk as being a messenger, bringing change

with him on his wings.”

“What do you think?”
I glanced down to grab my jeans off the toilet cover and started to

tug them on. He handed me the T-shirt and our fingers brushed. My
cock stiffened, making me very glad I got it covered before he touched
me again…

LSO

T. A. C

HASE

Allergies

Bitter Creek’s Redemption

Duncan’s World

Freaks In Love

Nick Of Time

Nowhere Diner: Finding Love

Soothe The Burn

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

T. A. CHASE

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

MBER

UILL

RESS

OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

ISBN 978-1-60272-687-1

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Thank you to my readers as always.

It’s because of you that I continue to do what I do.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

CHAPTER 1

Listening to the ringing in my ear, I prayed Hawk would

answer. I’d lost track of time, but I knew it was in the middle of
the night or very early morning back home. I needed to talk to
someone and I could call him at anytime.

“Hello?”
“Hey, Tonto.” I smiled because I’d been calling him that since

we first met thirty years ago on the playground at elementary
school.

“Well, if it isn’t the Lone Ranger. Where are you tonight?”
His fond voice eased my singing nerves, and I settled back on

my hotel bed, staring out the huge window at the city lights of
London. “England, man.”

“Just get done with your concert?” He grunted, shifting, and I

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

knew, getting comfortable.

Our late night conversations tended to run long as I wound

down from the adrenaline high.

“Yeah.” I lit a cigarette, pulling the acid smoke into my lungs,

adoring the burn, while knowing it wasn’t good for me.

He laughed. “Those things will kill you.”
I studied the glowing red end and agreed. “You’re right, but,

hell, I don’t do drugs any more. Have to have some kind of vice.
I’m a fucking huge rock star, Tonto. Can’t be a saint.”

Silence greeted that statement, and I knew Hawk was

remembering the many trips to rehab I’d gone through. How he’d
take me to a new clinic each time, with me vowing it would be the
last. Finally, he sat me down and told me that if I didn’t clean
myself up, he was going to walk away. He couldn’t deal with the
pain of seeing me like that.

The thought of losing my best friend cut so deeply into my soul

that I couldn’t risk losing him. I went to rehab and stayed clean. It
had been three years since I walked out of that last clinic, sober.
Each minute of every day was a struggle to turn my back on what
fans offered up on a silver tray, but I did it for Hawk and for me.

I knew how close I came to dying each time I shot up the

heroin or snorted the coke. I came to understand living life drugged
might be easier, but I’d missed so many important things existing
that way.

“How’d the show go?”
“Good. Had a girl jump on stage and try to molest me again,

but other than that, same old, same old.”

“And you never get tired of it, do you?”
I didn’t give him my usual flip response. I thought about his

question seriously. Hawk was my best friend and deserved a

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

truthful answer. “I do get tired. In about twenty minutes, when the
adrenaline runs out and I realize I’m sitting in yet another hotel
room alone, I’ll ask myself why I’m doing this. I don’t like girls all
that much, Hawk.”

“I know.”
There it was—Hawk’s quiet acceptance of everything that

made me tick. The narcissistic need I had to be the center of the
world, to be on-stage every chance I got, performing to thousands
of people screaming my name. Yet there were times in the quiet
moments when I wondered why I did it. I rarely saw my home for
more than a month out of the year. The only permanent
relationship I had was with Hawk, and even then, I seldom saw
him, just called him at odd times of the day or night to chat. I
sucked at being anyone’s best friend, and though we were both
gay, I’d never have risked our friendship by hitting on Hawk. I
needed him too much to risk losing him.

“How are things at the clinic?” See, I could acknowledge there

were other things going on besides what was happening to me.

Hawk sighed. “Good, except we need a new x-ray machine.

The one we have is too old and breaks down all the time.”

“Contact Heidi. I’m sure there’s money in the foundation to get

you what you need.”

“Rod, I don’t need you to come to my rescue all the time like

this. When I told you about the x-ray machine, it was just to tell
my best friend what’s happening. It wasn’t to make you give me
money.”

Hawk’s pride didn’t want to accept the machine—I understood

that—but it didn’t make sense to me to deny it to the patients he
served, if I could give it to him. I knew how to get around his
protest, though.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

“All right, Hawk. I’ll try to refrain from saving you.” I laughed

softly. “I don’t get to do it very often. You’re usually the one
playing Superman for me.”

“Thanks.”
We chatted a little while longer, until I could no longer keep

my yawns from interrupting us.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?”
“How about you? When are you getting up?” I stood, tucking

my phone between my shoulder and ear while I unbuttoned my
jeans.

“I have about two more hours to sleep before I have to get up

and head to the clinic. We’re having an ophthalmologist come in
for a couple days. I’m hoping he can help some of my patients.”

“Awesome, man. I head back to the States in two days. I’ll be

touring across country until my last show in Phoenix. I’ll send you
a ticket. Maybe you could get some time off to come and hang out
with me for a couple days while I’m there.”

“Send me the dates, and I’ll work something out.”
Hawk accommodated me so much, and I took advantage of it
“Thanks for listening, Hawk. I’ll try to call you sometime

tomorrow when you aren’t sleeping.”

A warm chuckle drifted over the phone and every last tense

muscle I had relaxed. I’d be able to sleep the rest of the night
without problem. It was hard when I couldn’t risk a sleeping pill
because I could easily get addicted to them.

“You do that, Rod. Have a good night.” Hawk hung up.
I shut my phone off and tossed it on the table in my suite as I

strolled past to the bathroom. A hot shower to scrape off the dried
sweat and wash out all the shit the people put in my hair, then I’d
slip under the soft down-filled comforter to grab several hours of

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

sleep. My trainer knew better than to wake me up early the day
after a concert, unless I had early morning radio shows to do.

My last thought before I shut my eyes that night was, Thank

God for Hawk, the only person in my life who I could call at five
in the morning and talk about nothing with. The man who had my
back through a lot of shit.

* * *

When I woke up the next day, I climbed out of bed and grabbed

my phone. Waiting for Heidi to answer, I lit a cigarette and
wandered out onto the balcony. The brisk air danced over my skin
as I leaned on the railing.

“Hello, the McLeod Foundation. How may I help you?”

Heidi’s inquiry was very proper.

“Hey, babe, how’s it going?” I grinned. She always sounded so

professional.

“Rod, did you just get up?” At least she seemed happy to hear

from me.

“Yeah. Jumped out of bed and called you.” I inhaled a lungful

of smoke, letting the nicotine kill a few more cells in my body.

“What do you need?”
I laughed. “Come on, honey. You wound me. I do call you

when I don’t want anything.”

“Right.” She wasn’t convinced.
Sighing, I snubbed out my cigarette and went back inside to the

mini fridge. “You’re right. I need you to order a state-of-the-art x-
ray machine and have it sent out to Hawk ASAP.”

The clicking of fingers on a keyboard came over the phone.

“Did he ask you for one?”

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

“Nope. Just said that the clinic needed one. You know he’d

rather have all his teeth pulled without Novocain than ask me for
anything.”

Orange juice and pineapple juice. I grabbed the orange juice

and opened the bottle, taking a swig. I sat on the couch, turned on
my laptop, and listened while Heidi muttered to herself. A flashing
email icon caught my eye and I clicked on it.

Hawk had sent me a picture. As it appeared on my screen, my

throat closed and I coughed back the water in my eyes. Hawk held
a little girl in his arms, bright smiles on both their faces. The girl
wore a pair of new glasses and the joy on her face beamed through
the computer to touch me. Yet it wasn’t her happiness that almost
brought me to tears.

The pride and fierce determination shining in Hawk’s dark eyes

shamed me in so many ways. I knew Hawk was excited for that
little girl. Having those glasses would help her every day. It was a
life-changing moment, and Hawk was the one who had given it to
her.

It didn’t matter that my money kept Hawk’s clinic running. I

was nothing but the financial support Hawk needed to make a
difference in his people’s lives. Hawk was the heart and soul of the
McLeod Navajo Clinic, and without him, there probably wouldn’t
be a clinic or a foundation.

I traced his strong chin and high cheekbones with my eyes, the

familiar surge of longing and lust visiting me.

“Rod, are you still there?” Heidi’s voice drew me back from

my quickly depressing thoughts.

“Yes, sweetheart. What do you need?”
“When you get off tour, we have several requests to go over.

The foundation brings in a lot of money and there’s enough to pick

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

a new charity to help out. You need to pick out one.”

“Why can’t you do it? I trust you to do the right thing.” I

scrubbed a hand over my chin. I hated having to choose among so
many worthy, but needy, charities.

Heidi sighed. “Rod, we’ve gone over this. You are the

president/CEO of the foundation. It’s your money funding this.
Ultimately, you’re responsible for every dime that comes into and
goes out of this company. I can’t do that for you.”

“I know you can’t. And you shouldn’t either. Sobering up

taught me I need to take control. Research all the requests and rank
which ones are the most worthy and needy in your opinion. I’ll
look them over when I get back to L.A.”

“Thank you.”
“You’re a slave driver, Heidi. Oh, and another thing, send

someone down to Hawk’s clinic to look over all the equipment.
Replace anything else that needs replacing. I don’t want him
having to do without something because he’s too proud to ask me
for help.”

Heidi’s understanding laugh caressed my ear. “He won’t be

happy with you, but I’ll do it.”

“He’s been mad at me before. He’ll get over it. Thanks for

doing it. Is there anything else you need me to look at?”

“A few proposals, but I’ll email them to you, and you can look

at them when you get time.”

“Cool. I’ll chat with you tomorrow then. Call if you need

anything.”

“Will do, boss. Take care.” She hung up.
I set my phone down and leaned back on the couch, staring at

the picture of Hawk. He sent it to me to show me what good my
money was doing, but those pictures were my lifeline in many

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

ways. I saw possibilities and reasons, other than being self-
centered and egotistical, why I did what I did. Playing music was
my only talent, so I did it to the best of my ability and hoped others
would get something from it.

Picking up my computer, I set it on my lap and truly looked at

Hawk. Lines carved at the corners of his mouth weren’t laugh
lines. Dark circles under his eyes spoke to me of more sleepless
nights than I caused him. The sun glinted off Hawk’s black-blue
hair and showed a few strands of silver. My friend looked tired,
and I had the sudden urge to cancel all my remaining concerts to
fly to Arizona and kidnap Hawk. He never knew when to take the
time to rest. The clinic, his people, and I were the most important
things to him. He’d work himself to death for any of the three, and
I knew it.

I opened the email Hawk sent me with the picture.

Maria received her new glasses today. Hopefully, her
headaches will go away and her grades will improve. I
wanted to give you a name and face to think about when
you wonder if there is anything good in the world. Your
friend always, Hawk.

I didn’t need another face or name to remind me that good

existed. All I had to do was imagine Hawk because he was the
epitome of goodness.

Hitting reply, I typed…

Thank you yet again for reaffirming my belief in you.
Get some sleep, my friend. Please, I don’t want to hear
about you getting sick.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

I hit send and shut down my computer. A knock sounded on

my door, and I grimaced. Time to be a star, and let Hawk do the
important, life-altering things.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

CHAPTER 2

Every nerve ending in my body sang as I raced down the

corridor of the arena to my dressing room. I’d just finished the last
stop on my tour, and Hawk said he’d be waiting for me afterward.
I couldn’t wait to see him.

The door to my dressing room was open a crack and I skidded

to a stop when I heard voices and my name being mentioned.

“You have to tell Rod, Hawk. He should know.”
That was Heidi. She’d flown in from L.A. to meet up with me,

so we could do some work before I took a couple of weeks to
unwind.

“Heidi, I won’t do that to him.” Hawk sounded firm.
“Tell me what?” I shoved open the door to find Heidi and

Hawk squared off, arms folded and glaring at each other.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

Frowning, I studied both of their faces. Heidi was a friend as

well as an employee, and normally she got along with Hawk, but
Hawk must have done something to make her angry because her
blue eyes flashed. Hawk’s black eyes were blank, not showing any
emotion. I drank in his dear face, itching to trace his dark eyebrows
and brush the waterfall of dark hair off his forehead. I tucked my
hands in my pockets. It wouldn’t do to show any of that. Not at this
point in time. Hawk jumped when I walked in, like he hadn’t heard
the door open or my question.

“Ask me what?” I repeated.
“Nothing.” Hawk smiled, though his eyes didn’t.
“Hawk,” Heidi protested.
“Not your choice, Heidi. It doesn’t have anything to do with

you.”

She heaved a frustrated sigh and turned to face me with a

forced smile. “Great show, Rod.”

I hugged her, but didn’t take my eyes from Hawk. “Thanks,

sweetheart. Are you two staying at my hotel?”

They nodded, still not looking at each other. The tension

between them bothered me, yet I understood it wasn’t any of my
business, even if it sounded like Hawk was hiding something from
me. I knew better than to try to force him to tell me before he was
ready. A mule couldn’t teach Hawk anything new about being
stubborn.

“Great. Let me change and we’ll head out.”
I grabbed a pair of jeans and a T-shirt from one of the chairs

and headed toward the bathroom. Hawk always teased me about
my modesty, never seeming to think I didn’t change in front of him
because I didn’t want him to see how hard I got every time we
were around each other.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

More urgent whispering ensued while I tugged off my leather

pants and sweat-soaked silk shirt. After tossing them on the
counter, I wet a cloth in the sink and wiped down as best I could.
Definitely taking a shower when I got back to the hotel. I hated
feeling grimy like I often did after performing.

Getting sweaty with another guy in an intimate situation was

one thing. Shit, I loved that smell, but just me stinking almost put
me off food at times. Letting the water run, I dunked my head
under the faucet and let the cool water soothe the pounding in my
brain.

“Are you okay?” Hawk asked from beside me.
Shivering, I kept my eyes closed as he stroked his hand over

my shoulder. His talented fingers trailed over my newest tattoo, a
red-tailed hawk in flight.

“Is this for me?”
“Yes.” I shut off the water and straightened, taking the towel he

held out for me. I dried off slightly, not wanting to take the time to
get completely dry. “I don’t know anyone else whose name is
Hawk.”

“Do you know in Celtic lore, a hawk is thought to empower

people to examine everything and choose the positive things for
their life and to allow them to let the negative things go?” Hawk
murmured, watching me get dressed.

“What does your Native American side say about hawks?”
My friend often found comfort in the mythology of both his

ancestors. Even if I wasn’t very religious, I never doubted his
beliefs, for often I found they comforted me as well.

“The Navajo see the hawk as being a messenger, bringing

change with him on his wings.”

“What do you think?”

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

I glanced down to grab my jeans off the toilet cover and started

to tug them on. He handed me the T-shirt and our fingers brushed.
My cock stiffened, making me very glad I got it covered before he
touched me again.

Hawk turned and strolled out of the bathroom as he spoke. “I

think you have to be open to what the hawk wishes to tell you. Are
you willing to listen?”

I frowned. Christ, I hated cryptic messages. Did he mean it

literally or was it a simple rhetoric question?

“There’s only one Hawk I listen to and so far, he’s been very

mysterious.” I stuffed my stage clothes in a duffle bag. “Where’d
Heidi go?”

“She went on to the hotel. She’s ordering us room service and

having it delivered to your suite. We’ll eat while the two of you go
over those proposals she wants you to look at.” Hawk eyed me.
“Then we’ll discuss the fact I have several new pieces of
equipment at the clinic that I don’t remember ordering.”

I ducked my head sheepishly, but didn’t reply. I knew he would

want to call me out for helping when he hadn’t asked. I slung the
bag over my shoulder and gestured for Hawk to lead the way to the
stage door. One of my roadies radioed for my car and driver.

“Do we need someone to drive your car to the hotel?” I leaned

against the brick outside the building and lit up after dropping my
bag to the ground.

Hawk wrinkled his nose at the smell and moved upwind from

me. “No. I took a cab here. Figured I could catch a ride with you.”

“Cool.” I inhaled and the first harsh hit of smoke filled my

lungs. The tension eased from my shoulders.

He reached out and touched my lower back. “I wish you

wouldn’t smoke,” he murmured.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

I stared at the end of my cigarette and nodded. “I know.”
After dropping the cigarette, I crushed it out with my foot. He

bent and picked up the destroyed object, tossing it in a nearby
garbage can. I coughed to cover my smile. Poor guy couldn’t help
his obsessive behavior in being neat and keeping the planet clean.
Hawk had a deeper connection to the earth than any other person I
knew, and most of it didn’t have anything to do with his heritage.

There was no point in driving Hawk crazy with my smoking. I

could go without for as long as he was with me. His very presence
soothed me.

“Thank you.”
I shifted my weight onto the foot closest to him, so my body

absorbed his warmth. Tremors shook me as the adrenaline drained
from me and chills raced over my skin. He slipped his arm around
my waist, letting me rest my entire weight against him. I breathed
deeply, filling my lungs with his earthy scent instead of noxious
fumes.

We stood in silence, and I relaxed even further. Not having to

be Rod-fucking-Hannah, rock superstar—even for a few minutes—
helped. It was one of the many things I loved about Hawk: he
didn’t expect me to be “on” every second we were together. He let
me be myself, which would have scared any normal person away
long ago.

My Tahoe pulled up in front of us, and we climbed inside

before the driver could get out and open the door for us. My bag
got tossed in the back, and I sprawled in the seat, not moving when
Hawk nudged my hip with his. We ended up plastered against each
other, and the only thought crossing my mind at that moment was
to lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He wrapped his
arms around me and brushed a kiss over the crown of my hair.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

“Rest. I’ll wake you when we get to the hotel.”
I snuggled closer and rubbed my hand over his stomach, loving

the feel of the ridges of his abs under my fingers. His muscles
flexed, and I slid my hand in between the buttons of his shirt to
touch his warm, smooth skin.

“Is this all right?” I kept my eyes closed, not sure I could deal

with his rejection if he said no.

He tipped his head until his lips pressed to my ear. “Are you

sure?”

Was I sure about touching him? Or about doing something that

could be construed as far more intimate than we had ever been
with each other?

For me, it had never been an issue of not wanting my fans to

know I’m gay. Fuck them if they couldn’t deal with the fact a hard
rocker like me enjoyed screwing a guy. I never turned my back on
any of my band members because they liked pussy, even though I
didn’t find women attractive in a sexual way.

The problem I had with taking our relationship in a more

personal direction was Hawk was a “settling down” kind of man,
and I still had a lot of miles to go on me. More tours and CDs I
wanted to do. Yet once we became lovers, things would be
different and I couldn’t take off on my own like I was used to. It
wasn’t like I flaked out and left without letting Hawk know where
I was headed, but I wouldn’t want to leave him behind if we were
together.

Hawk wasn’t a traveling man. His heart and soul lived for his

people’s reservation and the clinic he’d helped create. His very
steadiness was at the top of the list of why I loved him.

“You’re over thinking this.” His chuckle rushed over my ear

and snagged my groin.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

What the hell? I slipped between the buttons and stroked his

skin, drawing a low moan from both of us. We’d seen each other
naked and held each other while the other was sick. He’d been
there with me through every one of my addictions and rehabs. I’d
shared my bed with him the night his mother died. Yet with this
one touch, we jumped over a line in the sand I wasn’t sure either
one of us was ready to cross.

Nuzzling the soft spot behind my ear, Hawk closed his hand

around mine and urged me to place it somewhere else. Somewhere
just as hot and hard as his stomach, yet I didn’t have the fierce
need to lick Hawk’s stomach like I wanted to taste the bulge under
his jeans.

“Are we going to regret this in the morning?” I turned my gaze

up to meet his eyes as I palmed his lengthening cock.

“Most definitely, but what’s the use of being best friends if you

can’t regret doing something together?” He winked at me. “Don’t
drive yourself crazy about this whole thing, Rod. We’ll continue to
love each other the same. We’re just throwing a little skin in with
the friendship.”

“Friends with benefits?” My heart dropped. No way did I want

our friendship to deteriorate into that.

Hawk snorted. “Do you think we’d be able to keep it at just

friends who mess around? Babe, neither one of us is the “love ’em
and leave ’em” kind.”

How true was that? I laughed softly. I’d had my heart broken

so many times since I was old enough to fall in love. Or at least up
until the time I realized I’d fallen for my best friend and wasn’t
interested in sharing my heart with anyone else. Didn’t mean I
hadn’t shared my bed with a cute guy or two while I was touring.

“Promise?” If I could have hit myself in the forehead without

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removing my hand from Hawk’s groin, I would have. When had I
turned into a needy wimp, wanting vows and promises from the
man who took him to bed?

“Oh, I think I can promise you that.” He arched his hips,

pushing into my hand, and I flexed my fingers.

We kissed. I wished I could say that fireworks exploded and

my knees got weak, but it wasn’t that kind of kiss. We pledged our
friendship and love in the touch of our lips. God, it was so fucking
poetic, I almost broke up the kiss so I could write those thoughts
down for a song.

Hawk eased a few inches away and flicked the end of my nose.

“Your mind wasn’t in that kiss, Rod.”

“Ow.” I rubbed my nose. “Bastard, I was thinking about

writing a song about that kiss, but now the only thing I want to do
is punch you.”

“Geez, is someone frustrated?”
“Just eager.” I slid a little farther away from him. “It’s been a

long time coming, and I just want to know when we’ll be getting to
the good part.”

“Eager to give me a ride, huh?”
I eyed him. “What makes you think I’ll be catching?”
Hawk rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t care who

rides whom, Rod. I just want you naked in my bed by the end of
the night.”

The vehicle pulled to a stop and we parted before the hotel

bellman opened the door. Cameras flashed in my face as I slid
from the Tahoe. Hawk touched my hand, letting me know he was
right behind me.

Slipping on my sunglasses, I ran the gauntlet of fans yelling my

name and paparazzi taking pictures. My bodyguards ran

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

interference for Hawk and me. We raced to the elevator and
practically dove in. Hawk winked, and I shrugged. At times, I
hated being famous. Just once, I’d like to walk into a hotel lobby
without dodging screaming fans.

My head security guy, Tiny, punched in the code for the

penthouse before grinning at me. “It gets crazier every venue you
play, man. We’re going to have to start paying attention or you’re
going to end up with a naked groupie in your bed some night.”

I shuddered at the thought as Hawk chuckled.
“Oh, the joys of being an international rock star. Sex, drugs,

and rock ’n’ roll.” Hawk poked me in the side with his finger.

“No more drugs.” I held up my Narcotics Anonymous chip.

“Been three years clean and I don’t plan on falling off that
particular wagon.”

Hawk’s smile, full of pride at my accomplishment, shook me.

This was the longest any of my recoveries had lasted. He’d been
through all of them with me, so every day I stayed sober was an
achievement for both of us.

“Okay. What about sex?” His eyebrows shot up as he asked the

question.

“Haven’t had much time for it lately, but I’m hoping that’ll

change.”

Tiny wasn’t looking, so I leered eagerly at Hawk. He answered

with a quick nod.

Hawk sighed. “Guess that leaves rock ’n’ roll. Good thing you

excel at that.”

“Yeah.”
The elevator stopped, and Tiny got off first, making sure there

wasn’t anyone, but Heidi, up there. Hawk and I stayed in the
penthouse foyer near the elevator.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

“We’re really going to do it?” I inquired under my breath.
He didn’t look at me, and I didn’t know if he hadn’t heard me

or was just not willing to answer me. Maybe he’d changed his
mind. I nudged him with my elbow. Whirling, he shot me a look,
almost like he’d forgotten I was there.

“What?”
“We’re really going to do it, right? You haven’t changed your

mind, have you?”

A frown marred his forehead as he seemed to think about what

I’d said, then he nodded. “You’re going to eat and go over the
proposals with Heidi. I’m going to take a shower. When you’re
done, come and find me.”

He strolled off toward the bathroom off my bedroom after Tiny

gave the okay.

“Thanks, Tiny. Give the other guys the rest of the night off. I’d

appreciate it if you’d make sure Heidi got back to her room okay
before you take off.”

“Sure, Rod.” Tiny settled in a chair in the hallway and pulled

out his e-reader. The man loved to read and admitted he carried
more than a thousand books on one of those things. I was suitably
impressed because reading was a chore for me. I’d never got the
hang of it in school.

“Heidi, honey, I’m home,” I called out as I dropped my duffle

bag by the door of my room and wandered the hallway to the
living room section of the suite.

“It’s about damn time.” She sat at a table, papers spread out

around her. “The food’s over there.”

I looked to see a cart filled with trays. “What did you order

me?”

“All the bad stuff you never eat while you’re on tour.” She

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smiled.

“It’s great, having friends who know me so well.” I lifted one

of the covers and saw a greasy cheeseburger. “Where’s Hawk’s
food?”

She shook her head, a slight frown on her lips. “He said he

wasn’t hungry.”

“Does he look like he’s lost weight?” I uncovered fries to go

with my burger.

After dumping the fries on the plate with the burger, I grabbed

the ketchup bottle and went to join her at the table. There was a
can of soda there already. I patted her hand.

“You and Hawk spoil me,” I told her before I took a big bite.
“I’m sure he’s just under a lot of stress from the clinic.” She

didn’t meet my gaze and bit her lip.

When she did that, I knew she wasn’t telling me something, but

I wasn’t going to force it out of her. We needed to be able to trust
each other and prying a secret out of her would be like betraying
our relationship.

“You’re probably right. Now where are those proposals you

wanted me to look over?”

Heidi looked relieved when I didn’t pursue it further. I made a

mental note to talk to Hawk in the morning about what was going
on.

BE THE AIR FOR YOU

CHAPTER 3

A half hour went by while we discussed the merits of each

charity asking for help from my foundation. I reviewed the
information about the charities on my laptop. I wanted to ask
Hawk what he thought, but he never joined us after his shower.

Finally, I chose a group helping people in the Appalachians. I’d

done my research and I’d been appalled by how many of the
families lived under the poverty level. One thing I’d promised
myself when I started the foundation was to help the people in my
own country. Too many needy Americans got passed over because
it was more fashionable to help out the people in other countries.

Plus being best friends with Hawk jumpstarted my civic-

mindedness. If Hawk hadn’t cared so much about his people on the
reservation, I probably would have been spending my money on

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cars and houses or throwing lavish parties for my entourage.

“Heidi, Tiny’s birthday is next month,” I lowered my voice so

the bodyguard couldn’t hear me. “I think we should throw him a
party.”

“He’d kill us.”
We grinned at each other, the thought of embarrassing the big

guy undermining all worries about how he’d get even.

“Call his mom and see about flying his family out to my place

for the party. It’ll just be friends and family. Nothing elaborate.”

She nodded. “I can do that. Which house? The one in L.A. or

the ranch out here?”

“Set it up for the ranch. Tiny told me once that he’d love to

bring his nieces and nephews out. They’ve never seen horses or
been on a ranch before. See if they can come for a couple days.”

“You surrounded by children? I can’t wait to see that.”
I shrugged. “If it gets to be too much, I’ll go stay with Hawk.

He won’t mind me crashing at his place.”

Heidi entered it into her laptop. “I’ll get those plans started.

Plus I’ll get the check and acceptance letter ready for you to look
over and sign. Are you staying at the ranch?”

I hadn’t decided, but with the way things looked between

Hawk and me, staying close to him sounded good.

“Yeah. I’ll head to L.A. closer to Grammy time. It’s easier to

head to the show from there.” I stood and stretched, suddenly
wanting a shower.

“A little overconfident about getting nominated, aren’t you?”
Heidi packed her stuff up, and I escorted her down the hall to

where Tiny waited by the elevator.

“No, I’m not. Even if I don’t get nominated, they usually want

me to perform or present.” I stuffed my hands in my back pockets.

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“Besides, I’ll be heading back into the studio to start the next CD
by then.”

“Gotcha.” She hugged me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Not too early,” I requested.
The elevator doors slid open, and they stepped in. She waved at

me. “You always sleep late the day after your tour ends. I’ll call
after twelve.”

“Good. Sweet dreams.”
I blew her a kiss before turning and shutting off the lights as I

made my way to my bedroom.

Opening the door, I noticed Hawk had left the bathroom light

on when he finished. I sat on the edge of the bed to take my shoes
off. A warm hand slid along the small of my back and up under the
hem of my shirt to caress my skin.

“I didn’t realize you were in my bed,” I murmured, shivering

slightly at Hawk’s touch.

“The light doesn’t fill the whole room. Made sense for me to

wait for you here instead of my own bed.” Hawk brushed his lips
over the nape of my neck.

“Why now?” I couldn’t help asking. Slapping myself sounded

like a good idea. Why bring it up at that moment? What if my
question brought him to his senses and he changed his mind?

Hawk chuckled. “Go take a shower. We’ll talk it to death

tomorrow.”

After stripping off my shirt, I stood to undo my jeans. Hawk’s

gaze rested on me, but for the first time in my entire life, shyness
struck me. I ducked my head, fighting the urge to turn my back to
him. Shit, even my hands shook.

“Are you nervous?” Hawk sat up and leaned back against the

headboard.

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Damn the man and his excellent eyesight. The light from the

bathroom barely reached my side of the bed.

“You better not be laughing at me,” I snarled, embarrassed at

my sudden attack of nerves.

Hawk surged from the bed, grabbed my hand, and dragged me

down onto the mattress. He kicked all the blankets away until I
sprawled under him. I gripped his shoulders and shifted, grinding
my pelvis against his.

“Naked. You need to be naked.” He growled.
I nodded, but the part of my brain that moved my hands didn’t

want to let go of Hawk’s shoulders. With an irritated shake of his
head, Hawk rolled to my left side and reached for the zipper on my
jeans.

My hands slid down to pinch Hawk’s nipples while I wiggled,

helping him yank my clothes off.

“Thank God, you didn’t put on underwear,” he mumbled as he

tossed the jeans over his shoulder.

“For once you’re not complaining about it.” I laughed.
He crawled between my legs, spreading my thighs with his

hips. I threaded my fingers into his dark long hair and brought his
mouth down to mine.

This time the kiss was everything romance writers wrote about.

Not that I’d ever read a romance novel, but I’d peeked at Heidi’s
on occasion.

A sharp pain gained my attention and my eyes popped open.

Hawk glared at me.

“Every time I kiss you, it’s like your mind’s somewhere else. If

you don’t want this to happen, say the word, and we can go back to
being friends.”

Even in the dim light, I could see the worry in Hawk’s eyes.

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Was he afraid I’d reject him? Like I was crazy enough to say no to
my only other dream come true.

I cradled his face and met his dark gaze. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m

so amazed this is happening that my mind drifts.”

“No more drifting. I want you right here with me.”
Nodding, I drew his mouth to mine and threw my brain to the

wind. No more thinking until after the sex when the awkward
what-have-we-done questions started.

Our tongues dueled and stroked, learning how the other tasted.

We pressed from chest to knee, and I shuddered, wanting more. He
rolled me to my side and spooned behind me, his erection bumping
my hole as he ground his groin against my ass. Pressing kisses
along my neck, he slid his fingers into my mouth.

“Suck them. Get them good and wet.”
I had an idea of what Hawk planned on doing, but I didn’t

protest. I’d never given my ass to anyone. Me being a virgin in
some way would probably have seemed odd to people who thought
they knew me. I was a worldly man, yet there were lines I
wouldn’t let anyone cross. Well, anyone except Hawk, the man my
heart had loved since we were children.

“Good,” Hawk whispered against the nape of my neck.
Letting his fingers slip from my mouth, I lay there, waiting and

trying not to tense when he pressed one of his fingers inside me.

“Oh.” I moaned, knowing the fullness I felt would only be

bigger as Hawk stretched me.

“Easy.” He stroked my chest, tweaking my nipples and

distracting me from what he was doing to my butt.

I didn’t want that. I wanted the entire experience of being

fingered and fucked for the first time. I caught his hand in mine
and pressed it to my stomach.

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“Breathe and relax.”
I chuckled. How many times had I said the exact same thing to

one of my quick fucks? Shoving my hips back, I took his finger in
as far as it could go. The burn was slight and it would only
increase the more he did. As he pulled out, his knuckle hit my
prostate, and I jumped as electrical shocks jolted through me.

“Wow.”
“Got it.”
Wanting more of that, I tilted my hips, eagerly offering myself

to him. He hummed in appreciation and slid two digits inside,
slipping over my gland to make me shiver and moan. The pop of a
top startled me and I shot a quick glance over my shoulder to see
Hawk squeeze some lube onto his prick.

“Are you ready?”
“Wait.” I rolled over to face him. “What about rubbers?”
He cupped my face in his hand and asked, “Are you safe?”
“Yes. Got tested a couple of months ago after hearing one of

my old lovers has AIDS. Didn’t want to take the risk, even though
I hadn’t been with him for years.”

“I get tested every six months. I’m negative. Have to be to

work at the clinic.”

“Then we’re good, man.”
The first bump of his cock against my hole made me jump. I

hissed as he pressed in, filling me without hesitation, but he didn’t
do it quickly, letting me adjust to each inch he slid in. When he
was buried balls deep in me, I dropped my head forward and
panted. He smoothed his hand down my spine.

“Relax, love. I won’t move until you’re ready.”
Soon the burning disappeared, leaving me feeling full, but I

rocked back slowly. Hawk took that move to mean I wanted more.

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God, it was like dancing with him. We flowed together, each
stroke driving me higher and higher. I’d never experienced such
fullness and such need. One upstroke nailed my gland and I about
jumped out of my skin.

“Oh, fuck,” I yelled.
His grin shot through me, and I shuddered as my balls

tightened. I fisted my cock and thrust it through my fingers with
each of Hawk’s shoves inside me. Each stroke drove me farther
along the path to climax. One hard slam in and I spilled my cum all
over my hand and stomach. Hawk froze as my inner muscles
gripped his prick like a vise, milking every drop out of his body.

“Holy shit!” I dropped my head back onto the pillow, chest

heaving and muscles trembling.

Hawk rolled to the side, and we moaned as he slipped out of

me. I rested my hand on his arm, running my fingers over his
sweaty skin.

“Why have I never done that before?”
I laughed at his grunt, but I grimaced as my thighs grew sticky

from his cum leaking out of my ass. After pushing to my feet, I
stumbled to the bathroom to wash up. I brought a washcloth back
for Hawk, tossing it at him and hitting him in the chest when he
didn’t notice that I threw it to him.

“What the hell?” He shot up, yanking the cloth away.
“Thought you’d like to clean up.”
I slid back under the covers and sighed as he wiped off, then

threw the cloth toward the bathroom before joining me. We
cuddled together, arms and legs entwined. Having never spent the
night with any of my lovers, sharing a bed seemed strange to me. I
eased into sleep, as relaxed as I’d ever been.

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CHAPTER 4

Ringing woke me the next morning. The shrill sound shot

through my head and I groaned.

“Hawk, get the phone.”
No answer and the irritating noise continued. I rolled over to

discover I was alone in the bed. The sound of the shower caught
my ear and I figured Hawk must be up already. The ringing
stopped, but an insistent chiming started.

“Shit. It can’t be mine,” I muttered.
Everyone knew not to call me in the morning. I tumbled out of

bed and dug through the scattered clothes, finally discovering the
phone in a pile of neatly folded clothes set next to an open suitcase.

It rang again as I picked it up. Without thinking, I answered it.
“Hello?”

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“Doctor McLeod?” A female voice asked.
“No. He’s in the shower. Can I take a message?” I glanced

around, finding a pen and paper on the table next to the bed.

“It’s important he calls Doctor Ravri as soon as possible.”
“And he’ll know who this Ravri is?” I frowned.
“Yes, sir.”
“Got it. I’ll make sure Hawk sees this right away.”
“Thank you.”
I hung up and set the phone down slowly. After getting up and

tugging on a pair of sweatpants, I wandered out into the living
room. My laptop sat where I’d left it the night before and I clicked
the mouse, waking up the computer.

With half my attention focused on the noises coming from the

bathroom, I typed in Ravri’s name to see what would come up. I
was surprised to see that Dr. Ravri was the foremost otologist in
the country.

I leaned back in the chair and narrowed my eyes. Why would

Hawk need to talk to an ear specialist? If it were for a patient,
wouldn’t Hawk have asked the foundation to get one sent to the
clinic?

The bathroom door opened and I clicked out of the site. I

watched as Hawk dried his hair while moving out into the living
room. He tossed the towel back toward the door.

“You got a call,” I said.
Hawk stood at the other end of the room and stared out the

glass doors leading to the balcony. He didn’t acknowledge what
I’d said. Pushing to my feet, I took a breath before walking over to
him. I slipped my arm around his waist, and he jumped in surprise.

“I didn’t know you were out here.”
He turned into my embrace, and I brushed a kiss over his lips. I

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loved the feel of our naked chests rubbing together while our
fabric-covered cocks barely touched.

“’Morning.” He grinned as we parted.
“I said you got a call.”
He frowned. “You did? I didn’t hear you. Who was it from?”
“Dr. Ravri. The lady said you needed to call him as soon as

possible.” I took his hand and led him to the couch. “I think we
need to talk.”

Rubbing his forehead, Hawk nodded. “Can you wait until after

I call Ravri?”

While waiting wasn’t something I liked to do in general, I was

willing to do it because he’d asked me.

“Go make your call. I’ll order us some breakfast.”
He squeezed my hand and went into the bedroom for his phone.

I called room service, ordering a full breakfast for each of us. I
normally didn’t eat like that, but my tour was over and I’d work
out when I got to the ranch.

Hawk re-joined me as the food arrived. I waited until after the

bellhop left before waving Hawk to a seat.

“Everything okay?”
“No. I have to go back to Atlanta tomorrow.”
“Fine. I’ll have Heidi let my pilot know, and we’ll fly out first

thing in the morning.” I sat and took a drink of orange juice.

He sat as well, but didn’t look at the plate of food in front of

him. He studied me. “You don’t have to go with me.”

I cut a piece of ham and stabbed it with my fork. “I know that,

but you’re my best friend and my lover. I want to go with you. Is
he consulting on a case with you?”

“No. He’s my specialist.” Hawk paused, and I could tell

whatever he was about to say was difficult for him. “I’m losing my

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hearing, Rod.”

“Shit!”
Of everything and anything he could have told me, Hawk going

deaf hadn’t been high on my list. I closed my eyes and released the
breath I’d been holding. “How long?”

“Before I’m completely deaf?”
“That, but also, how long have you fucking known something

was wrong and you didn’t tell me?” I shot to my feet and paced,
flinging my hands in the air.

“I noticed I was having trouble making words out and

understanding people. I went to my regular doctor. He didn’t find
anything wrong, so he referred me to Dr. Ravri. He’d come out and
done some work for us at the clinic.” Hawk stared down at his
plate. “It was a month after you started your tour.”

Freezing, I glared down at my feet until I got myself under

control enough not to grab Hawk by the shoulders and shake him
hard.

“You’ve known for seven months that you were losing your

hearing and you never once thought I should know. I thought I was
your best friend, Hawk, yet you chose to keep something like this
from me.”

The slow way I spoke and the fact I trembled from head to toe

clued him into the fact I was extremely angry and hurt. After
standing, he came to me. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled
me to him and rested his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I clenched and unclenched

my hands where they lay on his hips.

Hawk leaned back slightly. “I couldn’t make out what you

said.”

I could see it bothered him a great deal to say that. Like me,

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Hawk hated asking for help or admitting to weakness. Even to me,
the man who’d held his head while he puked several times during
our friendship.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Were you even going to tell

me?”

He nodded. “I’d planned on telling you this morning. I didn’t

want to talk about it last night.”

I wasn’t always the most observant person, so I just that second

realized how loudly Hawk spoke. My hearing was a little off, too,
because of the years playing loud music.

“What was last night?” I stepped back, took his hand, and

tugged him to the couch where we sat close to each other, but he
could still see my lips. “Have you learned to read lips?”

“Working on it. I’m still not very good.” Hawk entwined our

fingers and grinned. “Last night was amazing. More than I ever
dreamed possible.”

“You thought about us together like that?”
Flashing me a wide-eyed look, Hawk asked, “And you never

once wondered what it would be like? The two of us together?”

“I’m not denying it. I’ve wanted you since I was sixteen, man.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” He laughed. “I was a little

slower. Wasn’t until I was twenty that I figured out I liked guys,
and you were always the one I dreamed about.”

“Then why didn’t we ever sleep together before this?”
He shrugged. “Just never worked out, I guess. You were just

hitting it big when I got my head on straight, plus I had a lot of
school left to get my degree. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

I couldn’t help the burst of laughter from escaping. He raised

his eyebrows at me.

“Sorry. The reason I never said anything after you came out to

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me was because I wasn’t ready to settle down. Like you said, I was
just getting started and I knew I had a lot of touring to do and
you’re a “settling” man. You like putting down roots and having a
home.”

Caressing his knuckles, I checked to make sure he understood

what I meant, and he nodded.

“We’re products of our upbringing. I spent most of my

childhood bouncing from military base to military base until my
father dumped me with my grandparents. I needed the stability
they gave me and I still need that.” Hawk’s expression softened as
he thought about his grandparents.

“I couldn’t wait to get the hell off the ranch. Too slow. Too

predictable for me. Music got me away from all that normalcy.
Maybe that’s why I lost my shit for so long.”

We sat silence for a few minutes. My brain skimmed over the

last twenty years, most of them spent in some kind of drug-induced
haze. The only thing I clearly remembered was Hawk. Always
there for me. No matter what. The last three years had been the
best since I became a star.

“I love you.”
I bit my tongue. I did love Hawk, but I hadn’t wanted to blurt it

out like that.

He slid his hand around to cup the back of my head and kissed

me, claiming me and my heart without words. I embraced him and
soon I was on my back with Hawk covering me like a blanket.

The tingling at the base of my spine warned me that I was close

to making a mess in my sweats. Gasping, I jerked away, breaking
our kiss. Hawk’s swollen lips glistened, and I wanted to dive back
into his mouth, spread my legs and let him fuck me. But I knew I
needed to hear the rest of it or my brain would rabbit around,

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making shit up.

“Why now, Hawk? I still have some good touring years left. I

don’t plan on settling down now.”

His smile tempted me again, but I resisted.
“When I realized I was going deaf, I thought about the sounds

I’d miss hearing. The laugh of a child or the song of a desert bird.
Those were givens, but what broke my heart was losing your
voice.” He touched my throat. “It upset me, knowing I’d never
hear your voice when we made love. I vowed that when this tour
ended, I’d spill all my secrets and get you in my bed.”

“You wanted to hear me yell your name while you fucked

me?” I teased, reaching down to squeeze his ass.

“Yes. I couldn’t miss my chance.” He pushed back into my

hands.

“Am I that easy?” Frowning, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his

answer. When I was younger, I’d sleep with any guy who wanted
me, and being a huge star, there were a lot of them. But lately I
learned that I needed Hawk. Every deep connection I had was with
him.

“I knew you loved me.” He quirked the corner of his mouth

slightly. “Figured if I finally got the balls to make a move, you’d
run with it. I was right.”

“God, I am a slut.”
He flicked my forehead. “Focus, idiot.”
“Oh, I can focus.”
I rolled us off the couch, so I landed on top of him.
“Ompf,” Hawk gasped out. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“No. Why do you keep doing that?” I rubbed the spot where he

hit me.

“Because you’re not paying attention to me. I know you, Rod,

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and yes, you were a slut, but I can’t blame you. All that delicious
flesh ready and willing to let you take them. I can’t say I wouldn’t
have taken advantage of that if it was presented to me.”

“I never bottomed before,” I blurted out and heat warmed my

face.

Hawk’s expression softened even more. “I know.”
I eyed him. “How did you know that?” Did I do something to

give away how inexperienced I was in getting fucked?

Rocking against me, we both moaned as our cocks ground over

each other, driving our need one notch higher. I wanted Hawk to
stop talking and just get on with the making love portion of our
morning.

“Baby, you have trust issues. You’re not going to let anyone

fuck you that you don’t trust. I’ve grown up with you and I know
all the skeletons you have in your closet.”

“Yet you still want to be with me?”
It was that knowledge that freaked me out. Hawk knew all my

weaknesses and addictions. He’d seen me at my very lowest, yet
here he was, holding me and dry humping my leg like he couldn’t
get enough of me.

“Yes, I still want to be with you. All of the wildness is behind

you, though I’m sure you’ll find ways to get into trouble. You’re
clean and sober. You’ve proven you can stay that way.”

He slid his hands down under my sweats and cupped my ass,

trailing his finger down my crease to play with my hole.
Everything inside me went still and I pushed back, desire taking
the lead over talking. The pressure as the tip of his finger breached
me burned, but not nearly as badly as it had last night. I
whimpered, shoving farther back, trying to take more of him in.

“You get used to it,” he whispered as he kissed my throat.

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“Do you like to get fucked?”
My words were breathy as he introduced a second finger and

the pressure grew.

“I like it both ways. Maybe later, you can induct me into the

Mile High Club when we fly to Atlanta.”

“Love to.”
I jumped to my feet and held my hand out to him. Taking it, he

let me pull him upright and drag him to the bedroom. I was getting
too old to fuck on the floor, though going at it with Hawk pinned
to the wall sounded like a good plan.

We tumbled onto the bed, stripping as quickly as possible. I

swallowed down his cock, sucking and bathing it with my tongue
to get it as wet as I could. I didn’t want to wait to search out the
lube. Hawk licked his fingers and pushed them inside me again,
stretching me. I moaned around his prick, loving the feeling of his
flesh in my mouth and my ass. Who knew I’d become such a
bottom boy?

I rocked back on his fingers, begging silently for him to go

deeper in. He twisted and his knuckles pressed against my gland.
Energy shot through me like an electric shock. I grunted around his
shaft.

Two, then three fingers, and I took them like the good little slut

I was. God, I’d never enjoyed sex like this and it was only the
second time we’d fucked. And it wasn’t like we were even having
sex at the moment. Just having him in my mouth and tasting his
pre-cum got me achingly hard.

Suddenly, it wasn’t enough. I pulled off his cock with a pop

and whirled around, straddling his hips with a grin. “I want you in
me now.”

Nodding, he held his dick still, so I could lower myself down

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onto him. With a deep breath, I impaled myself and relaxed, taking
him in slowly, but determined to take him all the way. When his
groin hit my butt, I stopped. Our gazes met and held as we started
moving together. I braced my hands on his chest, and he gripped
my hips.

We sped up until each stroke in and out filled the room with the

sound of skin slapping skin. The air heated up, scented with sex
and sweat. I panted, tightening my inner channel with each thrust.

“Oh, God.” Hawk grunted as he reamed me pretty hard and

fast.

Tingling pooled at the base of my spine and I dropped down on

him hard, grinding our groins together. So caught up in the slide of
his dick in and out of me, I ignored my own cock. It throbbed and
stiffened even more, drawing a moan from me.

“Hawk, I’m gonna…”
“Do it. I want to feel you come on my cock. Now.”
He slammed into me, and I cried out, shooting ropy strings of

cum all over Hawk’s chest and stomach. One more shove and he
froze, flooding my passage with his hot seed. All the strength went
out of my muscles and I slumped over him. He cradled my ass,
stroking his rough fingers over my skin, easing me as I trembled
and let the climax fade away.

After a few minutes, he rolled me off and reached over the side

of the bed for one of our T-shirts. I let him wipe us off while I
stared up at the ceiling. Hawk settled next to me, resting his head
on his hand, and stared down at me.

“How are you feeling?”
I grinned. “I’m stunned. I never thought I’d ever get a chance

to do this with you.”

“Maybe when we were fifty or so, and you were ready to stop

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touring.” He trailed his finger over my cheek. “I wouldn’t have
gone my entire life without getting a chance to fuck you.”

My face heated. “I always said I was irresistible.”
“You are to me.”
“Thanks.”
He laughed. “I think we have time to nap before we see about

getting your jet to take us to Atlanta.”

“Sounds good to me.”
After a tour, I usually spent two days sleeping and recovering

from it. With all we did, I hadn’t gotten my usual rest. I sighed,
letting Hawk’s presence lull me into a deep sleep.

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CHAPTER 5

I sat there, studying Hawk’s relaxed expression, and the

enormity of what Hawk faced hit me. I hadn’t paid attention in the
doctor’s office because I’d focused on supporting Hawk. Yet now,
after he drifted to sleep, my mind started cycling through all the
things the doctor said.

“Hearing loss progressing faster than first thought.”
“Surgery an option.”
“Experimental implants.”
“Total loss of hearing within two months, if not sooner.”
Fuck me. I scrubbed my trembling hand over my face. Hawk

took the news with stoic calmness, telling Ravri he’d go over his
options and set up another appointment to discuss them in more
detail later. As we left the doctor’s office, I collapsed inside, but at

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least I waited until Hawk fell asleep before I let it overwhelm me.

I wanted a drink. After standing, I dressed, trying to be quiet

and not wake Hawk. My lover needed his strength to deal with all
the shit heaping on him.

I grabbed my wallet and room key, shutting the door softly

behind me before making my way to the elevator. I hit the lobby
button and rested against the car wall, watching the floors flash by.

It was shortly after midnight, so the hotel bar would still be

open. I sat on a stool and flagged the bartender over. After ordering
a Jameson, straight, I rested my face in my hands.

“Here you go.” The bartender set the glass in front of me.
“Thanks.”
Encircling it with my shaking fingers, I shuddered. It had been

three years since I’d even really smelled liquor, choosing not to be
around it if I could help it. I lifted it to the light and watched amber
beams burst through the alcohol. There was nothing as clear as the
world seen though good Irish whiskey.

I don’t know how long I sat, staring into that seductive liquid. I

only noticed the passage of time when Hawk appeared next to me.

“Oh, Rod.”
The sheer disappointment in his voice caused me to blush. I

pushed the glass away.

“I didn’t drink any of it,” I protested.
He shook his head, probably remembering all those other times

when I swore up and down that I hadn’t had a drop of liquor or a
spoonful of heroin, yet reeked of it.

“I should’ve never let you come with me. It’s too easy for you

to turn to substances to dull the pain. You’re still too susceptible.”

While I resented his implied disbelief in my ability to resist

temptations, I understood what he meant. I might have been sober

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for three years, but I’d been an alcoholic addict for fifteen before
that. Cutting off those needs was difficult.

“Ask him.” I waved at the bartender.
“It’s true, man. He’s just been staring at that glass like it holds

the secret to the universe.”

I laughed. “I know better than that. After all the bottles I’ve

emptied, I’m not any closer to figuring that shit out.”

The bartender grinned, and Hawk frowned slightly. I realized

he hadn’t caught most of our exchange. There was a lot of
background noise. I leaned over and spoke in his ear.

“I didn’t have one sip, Hawk. I couldn’t do that to you.”
And there was the true secret to my sobriety. I could no longer

deal with what my addictions did to Hawk. I saw the pain in his
eyes and the disappointment in the tight line of his lips every time
he found me strung out in a hotel room. At least, once I sobered up
after each episode, I understood how much I hurt him with my
relapses. Or the tears on his cheeks when he dropped me off at a
rehab center with my promises that this time I’d stay until I was
clean ringing in his ears. The last rehab I entered did it, but it
wasn’t because of any mumbo-jumbo psychotherapist crap. It was
because Hawk sat me down and warned me that this was my last
chance.

I heard the quiet determination and heartbreak in his voice as

he vowed he would walk away from our friendship if I fell off the
wagon again. He’d lost his grandparents earlier that year, and I was
his only family left. He didn’t want to bury me before my time
because I didn’t have any self-restraint.

Getting clean for myself was never an option. If it had been up

to me, I would have died in some hotel somewhere, overdosed on
heroin or any other kind of drug I could find. Getting clean for

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Hawk was the easiest thing I ever did, but I’d never let him I know
I did it for him. I didn’t want to put that much pressure on him. He
already took so much weight on his own shoulders.

My lover nodded and stood, holding out his hand to me. “Let’s

go back to the room.”

I dug out a twenty and tossed it on the bar. The bartender

started to say something, but I shook my head.

“Keep it. Bartenders have been some of my best therapists.”
The guy winked and took the money.
I entwined my fingers with Hawk’s, not caring if anyone saw

us together. I’d never hidden my preferences, though admittedly, I
never made a big deal about it either. I wasn’t interested in
becoming a symbol for gay rights or anything like that. Of course,
I’d never had Hawk as a lover before. None of the other guys I
slept with mattered enough to let the world know who they were to
me.

In the elevator, he slid his arm around my waist, and I leaned

on him.

“Why’d you go to the bar?”
“You slept, and I watched you. Everything hit me at once, and I

needed a drink.” I chuckled and snuggled closer.

“I was asleep?”
Nodding, I realized he hadn’t heard all of what I said. I stepped

back and made sure he could see my lips.

“My mind raced with all these thoughts. Everything Ravri said

to us. All your options flitted through my brain.” Closing my eyes,
I sighed. “My racing brain was one of the reasons I started
drinking and doing drugs in the first place.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I’d rather be your drug of

choice, Rod.”

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“You’ve had to deal with so much news, I didn’t want to add to

your burdens. Hell, I’m an adult. I should be able to deal with shit
without falling apart.”

The elevator stopped at our floor and we strolled to our room.

After the door shut behind us, Hawk wrapped his arms around me
and pulled me tight to him.

“Rod, loving each other means we’re there for each other.

You’re not going to leave me because of my hearing loss?”

I pushed away from him and glared. “Hell, no. You stuck by

me through fifteen years of trying to destroy myself. I’m not
deserting you when you need me. I just need to absorb it all.”

He cradled my face in his hands brushed a kiss over my lips.

“How about we discuss everything in the morning? We don’t have
to solve it all right now.”

Hawk led me to our bed and stripped me. Within seconds, we

rolled on the bed, pressed so closely together we didn’t know
where one began and the other ended. Our legs entwined and our
lips feasted on each other, tasting and nibbling. I slid my hands
down Hawk’s back to his ass, digging my fingers into his tight
muscles.

“I want to fuck you,” I whispered against his ear.
A quick shiver and Hawk climbed off to rummage around in

the bathroom.

“Got it.”
I smirked as he jumped on the bed, holding a tube of slick in

his hand. He tossed me the bottle after coating his fingers. I froze,
watching as he reached around and impaled himself. Shit, there
was only one thing hotter than observing Hawk stretch his hole and
that was being on the receiving end of sinking my cock into his
tight ass.

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“Get ready.” He pinned me to the bed with his dark gaze.
Some lube spilled onto the sheets when I squirted it in my

hand. I managed to close it and throw it to the side. I slicked up my
erection before resting my hands on Hawk’s hips as he squatted
over me.

He took my shaft in hand, holding it at just the right angle, and

lowered himself. We both moaned as I breached the ring of
muscles guarding his inner channel. He kept going until my pubic
hair crushed against his butt.

Hawk dropped his head forward and bit his lip. The need to

move shook me, but I waited for Hawk to let me know it was okay.

“What are you thinking?” I gasped out.
“How great it is to be filled like this by you. I wanted this for a

long time, Rod. I’m not letting you get away now.”

I stared at him. “Like I’d want to get away. We’re partners

now, Hawk. Our lives are even more connected than they were
before.”

He grinned and rose up until only the head of my cock rested

inside him. With a sigh, he dropped down. Soon we established the
rhythm we liked best. Hard and fast. My tight grip on his hips
would leave bruises, but Hawk didn’t seem to mind. He was tight
and warm, milking my dick for everything I had. Hawk fisted his
own shaft, stroking in perfect time with my thrusts.

“Now,” he shouted, strings of cum exploding from him.
I followed him a second later, flooding his ass with my seed.
The aftershocks eased and he toppled to the side, keeping one

leg thrown over me. Once my heart stopped racing, I climbed from
the bed and cleaned us both up. After crawling back into bed, we
relaxed under the blankets, and I ran my fingers through his hair.

“We’ll talk about my options and go see Doctor Ravri. After

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that, I want to go home and think about everything.” His voice was
soft in the dark.

I raised my own slightly. “What about the clinic?”
“I got another doctor to cover for me for the next several

weeks. He’s helped out before, so my people should feel
comfortable with him. Besides, Leslie has my number if she needs
me.”

The mention of the clinic made me tense. “What about the

clinic, Hawk? Can you still practice?”

His shoulders moved under my hands. “That’s one of the issues

I have to decide on. I want to make sure I’m not putting any of my
patients in danger by doing so.”

“We’ve got time to work out the logistics. The foundation will

help out any way you need.”

“I know.”
His quiet belief in me brought a smile to my face. We were a

team, and together, we could do anything, even start Hawk
adapting to his disability. We slept, wrapped in each other’s arms,
holding on to the only solid thing we had.

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CHAPTER 6

I burst into the house, yelling, “Hawk! Hawk! Where are you?”
He dashed from the kitchen, apron tied around his waist and a

towel in his hand. “What’s going on?”

Bending over, I rested my hands on my knees and panted. Once

he figured out no one was dying, he returned the towel and apron
to the kitchen before coming back to stand by me. He rested his
hand on my back and rubbed my shoulder while I worked to even
out my breathing.

Once my heart stopped pounding, I grabbed his hand and

dragged him to our couch. When we sat, I ensured we faced each
other. I freed my hands to sign while I spoke. We’d both started to
learn sign language a month ago when we returned from Atlanta. It
was a slow process, but we were getting the hang of it.

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“I’ve been texting you for the past half hour.”
Hawk ducked his head and pointed to his ears. His fingers

moved fluidly through the signs. “I took the hearing aids out. They
hurt my ears and give me a headache.”

I hid my grimace and frustration behind a strained smile. “I put

your phone on vibrate. Why aren’t you carrying it?”

A snarl curled Hawk’s full lips. “I’m not a child, Rod. I don’t

need a monitor or a babysitter.”

Hawk’s own frustration leaked through in the flash of his wild

gestures. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself. The anger and
fear I felt wasn’t half what Hawk dealt with every minute as the
world went silent around him

All I wanted was to wrap him in my arms and hold him. Yet

there were times when guilt would eat me alive. Times when I’d
cry at night, in our bed, secure in the fact he couldn’t hear me. That
knowledge would crush me, but then, as if he could sense my
heartache, he would snuggle close and soothe me.

“Hey.” He waved his hand in front of my face. “Are you

listening to me?”

I couldn’t help it. I chuckled at his question. “Yes, I’m listening

to you. I know you’re not a child. My texts were to tell you I loved
you and that Tiny’s family would be here soon. Though I did panic
slightly when you didn’t respond right away.”

Hawk raised his eyebrows, and I shrugged.
“Okay, fine. I over-reacted. So sue me. You’re the most

important thing in my world. I want to make sure you’re safe.”

His soft sigh washed over my lips right before he kissed me. I

sank into his lips, adoring his hands on me. Soon I lay flat on my
back, and he covered me chest to knee.

“I love you, silly man. Do we have time for a quickie?”

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My cock perked up at that question and I nodded. I pushed him

off me and climbed to my feet. Grabbing his hand, I dragged him
down the hall to our bedroom. Heidi and Tiny could greet Tiny’s
family.

* * *

Staring over at the wall opposite the bed, my muscles

completely relaxed after our lovemaking, I blinked at the sound of
car doors slamming. I tapped Hawk on the hip. When he looked at
me, I said, “They’re here.”

He nodded, and we stumbled out of bed into the bathroom,

cleaning up and making ourselves presentable. Hawk rested his
hand on my arm, stopping me before I left the room.

“I’m thinking about getting a dog.”
“What? A dog? Why?”
“Dogs can be trained to help people. You’ve seen the leader

dogs for the blind, right?”

“Yes.”
He waved a hand toward his laptop, sitting on the table next to

the bed. “I’ve been doing some research. They have service dogs
for just about anything. People in wheelchairs have dogs who carry
things for them, open doors, and even pick up stuff they drop.”

I wasn’t opposed to a dog. It just wasn’t an option I had

thought of.

Hawk went on before I said anything. “There are even dogs

trained to help alert people with epilepsy that they’re about to have
a seizure. Of course, those are rare to find. But a dog could easily
be trained to help me.”

Lately, I’d only seen that much excitement in Hawk when we

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fucked.

“Have you contacted anyone? Is there a place nearby or will we

have to travel somewhere to get one?”

“I’ve looked around, but I thought I’d ask you first. This will

be our house soon and I know you’ve never had pets.”

I kissed him quickly before I said, “I never had pets because I

was hardly ever home. Didn’t seem fair to dump a dog on you for
months at a time. I love them, though, and if you think one could
help you, I’m willing to get one.”

“Thank you. I’ll do some more research. Find out where the

best training facilities are.”

He walked past me, and I pinched his ass. Jumping, he shot a

glare over his shoulder at me, and I winked. We got outside just as
Tiny finished greeting his huge family.

My bodyguard dashed over to me, picked me up and hugged

me, popping my back as he did so.

“Thanks, boss.”
“Put me down, you big lug.” After I touched back down on

terra firma, I chuckled. “Happy birthday, Tiny.”

With everyone talking at once, it was hard to ensure Hawk

didn’t feel left out. Finally, he reached out and put a halt to my
frantic signing.

It’s okay, he signed. Just let me know if someone’s talking

directly to me.

Nodding, I stood off to the side while Heidi organized

everyone. No one complained and happiness filled my heart at
being able to give Tiny his family for his birthday. Hawk leaned
against me and the warmth from his body soaked through my
clothes to my skin, reminding me with every breath why I loved
him.

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* * *

The shaking of the bed woke me later that night. Rolling over

on to my side, I stared into the darkness to where Hawk lay facing
away from me. I slid my hand over his quivering shoulder to get
his attention. He froze before turning around to look at me.

I managed to get the light on while studying his tear-stained

face. I waited until I knew for sure he could see me before I asked,
“What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired,” he muttered.
“I know you are, but it’ll get easier. You have to believe that.

I’m not saying you’re going through the same thing I went
through, but in a way, I think getting used to not hearing is like
getting used to not drinking or not doing drugs anymore.” I
shrugged slightly. “You have to get used to not having something
you’ve grown to need. You’re addicted to hearing and,
unfortunately, you have to break yourself of that habit.”

He tilted his head and a frown marred the middle of his

forehead. “I’ve never heard it explained that way.”

“I’m probably the only one who would compare it to being

addicted.”

I wiped a tear off the corner of his eyes and touched it to the tip

of my tongue. The salty taste reminded me of his cum, without
being as thick or as bitter. I shook my head. It was too late in the
night for me to wax poetic.

“Can I take your mind off your problems?” I wiggled my

eyebrows, leering at him.

Rolling his eyes, Hawk slid closer to me. “I think you just

might be able to.”

Moving slowly, I eased him over on his back and rose over

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him. I stared down into his dark eyes. “I’m not trying to dismiss
how you feel. You know that, right?”

He nodded.
“If you’d rather talk about this, we can.” I rubbed my erection

on his thigh, hoping he’d decide not to pursue our conversation.

Hawk entwined his fingers through my hair and yanked my

head down. Our lips crashed together, and I cheered inside as he
spread his legs for me to settle between them. He rocked back to
met my gaze for a moment.

“We’ll talk about it later, after I fuck you.”

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CHAPTER 7

“Total hearing loss in right ear. Ninety percent loss in left ear,”

Doctor Ravri said after studying Hawk’s test results.

I signed for Hawk, whose slumped shoulders broke my heart. I

laid my hand on his arm, not caring what the doctor thought of us.
Hawk’s secret hope had been that the rapid onset of deafness had
stopped. I knew that because it had been my secret wish as well.
Of course, we both knew it hadn’t because Hawk found it harder
and harder to hear. He’d admitted to me the night before the
appointment that his world was virtually absent of noise.

Christ! The tears I’d cried alone while he showered. I’d

managed to gather myself and met him with a trembling smile, but
his matching red eyes told me he was just as upset.

“I knew it was bad,” Hawk told the doctor.

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I cringed, not at the volume of Hawk’s voice, which was a by-

product of losing his hearing. I cringed at the flatness of what once
had been such a musical voice. There was no tone or personality,
and it hurt my soul every time I heard it.

“Yes, but there are options. We can look into cochlear

implants. Some people have regained partial hearing with them.”

Hawk met my gaze, and I nodded, letting him know I would

support him, no matter what he chose.

“My partner and I have discussed it. I’ve been learning sign

language and lip reading. It isn’t as perfect as being able to hear,
but it’ll work for me for now. I want to think about it a little
longer, then figure out my professional future before making the
final decision.”

Ravri didn’t look happy, but he didn’t try to change Hawk’s

mind. “Well, it can be done later if you change your mind.”

We stood and shook hands. Hawk arranged for another

appointment in six months. Leaving the doctor’s office, I rested my
hand on his lower back.

“Do we have time for lunch before our next meeting?” Hawk

asked.

I checked my watch and said, “Yeah. Mrs. Rennex is meeting

us at the hotel. I made sure the hotel wouldn’t have a problem with
the dog.”

“You’re famous, Rod. I doubt they’d take issue with the fact

you’re bringing a dog.” Hawk chuckled.

Shrugging, I blushed. “That might be true, but I don’t like

taking advantage of my stardom.”

Hawk trailed his finger over my nose to rest it on my lips. “I

was teasing. The hotel shouldn’t have a problem since it’ll be a
service dog. Those kinds of dogs are welcomed everywhere.”

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“True.” I kissed his fingertip and gestured toward our car

waiting at the curb. “I know a great Thai restaurant a few blocks
from here.”

“Okay.”
Hawk slid into the back seat, and I joined him after telling the

driver where we wanted to go. I waited until we merged with
traffic before I glanced at Hawk. Tapping his knee, I drew his
attention.

“Are you sure about the surgery? I know we talked about this,

love, but that was a month ago while we were at the ranch.” I
clasped our hands together. “I’m with you through thick and thin
like always. I just want to make sure you’re okay with taking
longer to decide whether or not to have the surgery.”

Hawk stared intently at my lips, and I admitted to myself that I

got turned on by being the center of such intense focus.

“I’m positive. I’ve come to terms with it for the most part and I

want to move on. I wanted to talk to you about starting up another
clinic on the reservation. I could do the administration part, and
there are a lot of young doctors coming out of school who could be
persuaded to work with us.” He smiled.

“Okay. We’ll discuss that further later on.”
His full lips called to me, and I leaned over to kiss him. He slid

his fingers into my hair, opening for me like he’d always done. Our
tongues dueled, playing with each other. The sudden urge to skip
lunch and head back to the hotel hit me, but, manfully, I pushed it
away. There’d be enough time for that later.

We broke apart when the car halted. The driver opened the

door, and I got out, waiting for Hawk to join me on the sidewalk
before going into the restaurant. We were seated at a semi-private
table.

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Our waitress arrived, and I ordered some tea. Hawk studied the

menu, so he didn’t realize she wanted his beverage choice as well.
I hit the table to make Hawk look up.

“She’s waiting for your drink order,” I signed.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were deaf.” The young lady

spoke slowly, but at least, she didn’t raise her voice.

We’d discovered some people shouted when they found out

about Hawk, like he could hear them if they just shouted louder.
She didn’t ignore him either, which was what others did when they
found out about his challenge. It angered me that they acted like
Hawk no longer existed. I always forced them to acknowledge
him.

Hawk told me what he wanted, and I ordered for both of us. At

times, talking grew tiresome for him. It worried him that he
couldn’t tell how loudly he spoke and he hated how his voice
sounded so flat. He’d told me one night when he woke me up.

We’d cried together and he’d sobbed, asking why this

happened to him. Anger had showed in his shouts and yells about
how he didn’t want to be different. He didn’t want to be a burden
to me either.

I looked at my lover sitting across the table from me and I

knew we were in a good place at the moment. There would be
times when we both faltered. When one or both of us would break
down and cry, or throw glasses at the fireplace. Grimacing, I
remembered such an incident.

Eventually, those moments would become fewer, and we’d re-

build our lives together into a better, stronger, if different,
relationship.

“What are you thinking?” Hawk asked.
I took his hands in mine. After lifting them, I kissed each one

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before letting him go. “I was thinking how much I love you and
that, together, we’ll get through all this and be stronger for it.”

Tears gleamed in his dark eyes. “That’s all I need to make my

world perfect. You and me together always.”

* * *

The middle-aged lady stood as we entered the room. I greeted

her, but Hawk knelt to greet the dog sitting at her feet. The dog
tilted its head, studying Hawk intently with its spooky eyes. One
eye was brown and the other swirled with brown, blue, and white.
Its coat seemed to reflect its eyes, brown splotches, but mostly
blue, gray, and white.

“Mrs. Rennex, I’m Rod Hannah. Thank you for meeting my

partner and me here.”

“I’m glad to be able to see if your partner”—she seemed to

hesitate on that word—“is the right fit for Gabrielle.”

I glanced down to see Gabrielle lick Hawk’s chin. “I think she

likes him.”

She smiled. “Yes, that’s always good, but we have to make

sure they’ll work well together.”

Hawk looked up from where he crouched and grinned.

Standing, he said, “She’s a beautiful dog.”

“Do you need me to sign for you, Mrs. Rennex?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m proficient in sign language

since most of the dogs I train are for the deaf.”

“Okay.” I waved a hand to the couch.
Hawk and Mrs. Rennex sat, already signing to each other. I did

my best to keep track of their conversation, but I finally gave up
after losing about half the words in one short sentence. Gabrielle

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came over and rested her head on my knee. Smiling, I patted her
head.

“You’re a pretty girl, and I bet you’re really smart. What breed

are you with those gorgeous eyes?”

“She’s an Australian Shepherd.”
“Oh, an Aussie, huh? Good day, mate.”
Mrs. Rennex chuckled. “Actually, they aren’t from Australia.

They originated in southwestern United States to help Basque
shepherds who emigrated from Australia herd sheep.”

I shot Hawk a glance, and his dark eyes gleamed. “I think she

might like our ranch then. I run sheep along with cattle. It’ll give
her something to do when she’s not on the job.”

That’s why I thought she might make a good partner for you,

Mr. McLeod, she signed to Hawk.

“Do you want me to take some classes to learn how to work

with Gabrielle?”

I frowned, even though we had discussed the possibility of

Hawk having to stay longer in Atlanta. I had to get to Los Angeles
to start working on my next CD. My label had booked the studio
for me, plus I was scheduled to perform at the Grammys.

“All the people who get service dogs must complete classes to

learn how to take care of their companions. In addition, you need
to learn the commands that will get Gabrielle to work for you.
She’s trained to react to hand signals.”

“You can stay here. I’ll set up the room for as long as you need,

Hawk.”

Gabrielle left me to go and sit next to Hawk. She seemed to

understand he was the one she would be helping. I brushed a kiss
over Hawk’s lips before standing.

“It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Rennex. I’ll let you two talk

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while I head up to our room. I have to pack. I’m due in the
recording studio tomorrow morning.”

An hour later, Hawk strolled into our room. I glanced up from

the notebook I wrote my songs in. The big grin on his face told me
things went well. Setting my guitar aside, I motioned to the spot
next to me on the floor. He curled up, resting against me while I
braced my back against the side of the bed.

“Everything go well?”
He nodded. “I arranged to meet with her tomorrow afternoon to

start my lessons on how to work with Gabrielle.”

He vibrated, and I grinned.
“You can’t wait, can you?”
“No. I really think Gabrielle and I will work well together.” He

signed quickly, his excitement evident in the speed of his fingers.
“Also, I’m hoping it’ll ease your mind a little to know I’ll have
someone to hang out with me and keep an eye on me.”

I didn’t fight the urge to kiss him before signing back, “I’ll

always worry about you because I love you. Yet you’re right. It
makes me feel slightly better, knowing Gabrielle will be around in
case something happens to you.”

He ran his fingers through my hair and mouthed, Do we have

time for a proper good-bye?

“Sweetheart, there’s always time for that kind of good-bye.”
Surging to my feet, I pulled him up as well. We tumbled onto

the bed and proceeded to say good-bye in the best way possible.

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EPILOGUE

“And the winner is…”
I watched the presenter fumble with the envelope. Shit, woman,

who cares about your nails? Rip the fucking thing open. Those
words remained locked in my throat as I kept my fake smile on for
the camera right in my face.

“Rod Hannah!”
My huge grin practically dislocated my jaw as I ran over the

crew to get to the microphone and my Grammy. I gave the lady a
hug and kiss before taking the golden award. I walked to the mic
and inhaled deeply. I couldn’t say what I really wanted to, which
was “Holy fuck!” or I’d get blipped.

Searching beyond the lights, I found Hawk sitting in our seats,

a proud smile on his face, and if I wasn’t mistaken, tears in his

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eyes. Gabrielle sat at his feet, ignoring everything except her
master. Hawk was right. They worked together like a well-oiled
machine. After seeing them together for a few days since they
arrived from Atlanta, any worries I had about Hawk being alone
disappeared for the most part. Gabrielle would kill herself to keep
him safe.

As I gave my acceptance speech, I made sure to speak clearly

and not mumble. I never looked away from him.

“Lastly, there’s someone very special I’d like to thank. He’s

been with me through the rough times of my life.”

I handed my Grammy to the startled presenter and went to the

edge of the stage. The frown between Hawk’s eyes told me he
could see me.

Slowly, but with confidence, I signed, “Thank you for being

my world and my love. I’ll love you forever, if you let me.”

Tears ran down Hawk’s cheeks and he nodded. Always, he

mouthed back.

I blew him a kiss and waved goodnight to the crowd before

escorting the women off-stage. Every atom in me screamed to go,
throw my arms around Hawk, and kiss the man within an inch of
his life. Yet I could wait and accept the congratulations of my
fellow performers because Hawk would be there for me, always
holding steady while I flew. And I would stand beside him, helping
him learn a new way to hear the world.

T. A. C

HASE

T. A. Chase lives a life without boundaries. Being fascinated by
life and how different we all are, he writes about the things that
make us unique. He finds beauty in all kinds of love and enjoys
sharing those insights. He lives in the Midwest with his partner of
twelve years. When he isn’t writing, he’s watching movies, reading
and living life to the fullest.

* * *

Don’t miss Freaks In Love

by T. A. Chase,

available at AmberAllure.com!

James lives in Triad City, working for the West Side Crime
Association and hiding a secret that could get him killed. When his
boss and the other associations’ leaders are assassinated, James
has no choice but to return to the one place he never wanted to see
again—Freak Town. Yet saving the life of the one friend he has in
Triad City might be worth risking it all.

Magpie can’t believe he’s been shot and his boss assassinated.
Waking up shortly afterward, he discovers he’s in Freak Town
where all the mutants live. Nuclear radiation from the war has
changed some people into creatures. Wigging out because his

friend, James, is one of the Freaks seems sensible to Magpie.
Falling in love doesn’t.

Together, the two men must find a way to survive the revolution
being planned by the Freaks. Getting out of Triad City is the only
way, but will Magpie stand beside James to save himself? Or will
he lose his heart to a Freak, proving that the heart loves where it
wants instead of where it’s wise?

MBER

UILL

RESS

, LLC

OLD

TANDARD IN

UBLISHING

UALITY

OOKS

OTH

RINT AND

LECTRONIC

ORMATS

CTION

DVENTURE

USPENSE

HRILLER

CIENCE

ICTION

ARK

ANTASY

AINSTREAM

OMANCE

ORROR

ROTICA

ANTASY

GLBT

ESTERN

YSTERY

ARANORMAL

ISTORICAL

IRECT

AVE

www.AmberQuill.com

www.AmberHeat.com

www.AmberAllure.com

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