FALLING

OUT

FOCUS

BrynnMyers

FallingOutofFocus

PublishedbyAmberLeafPublishing

Allrightsreserved

www.amberleafpublishing.com

www.brynnmyers.com

CoverdesignbyInkstainDesigns

EditedbyLauraBruzan

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PraiseforEntasy

“WOW,thisprequel/novellahaseverythingthatIcravedfor:action,suspense,mysteriouscreatures,

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ProserpineCravingBooks

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“This is the first book of Brynn Myers I have read and I have to say, I was enchanted from the

beginning... This really was an addicting book that I read in less than a day...” ~ Redheads Review it

Better

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Kylah at whatever the cost. So many twists and turns and I enjoyed reading about Kylah's journey.” ~

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“This story had everything from romance to things that go bump in the night. The dialogue was

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PraiseforTheEchoedLifeofJorjaGraham

“Perfect!! I loved this series so hard! This was the perfect conclusion to one of my favorite

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“Such a detailed, in-depth world. I loved the journey and final conclusion to Jorja's story. The

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Acknowledgements

Idedicatethisbooktoanyonewho’severfelt,atsomepointoranotherintheirlife,asthoughthey

weredrowninginadarkabyss.Thereisalightintheresomewhere.Finditandfollowit.

I’dalsoliketothankL.T.,thisbookwouldneverhavecometofruitionwithoutyoursupportand

guidance.Thankyouforremindingmeitwasandispossible!

querencia:(n.)aplacefromwhichone'sstrengthisdrawn,where

onefeelsathome;theplaceyouareyourmostauthenticself.

Have you ever dreamt about letting go? You know, not caring about the consequences of your

choices…juststandingontheedgeofaproverbialcliffandsimplyfalling?Ihave.MoretimesthanIcan

count,I’mafraid.Now,beforeyougothinkingI’mtalkingaboutsuicide,letmeclarify,I’mnot.Thisisn’t

like the scene from Thelma & Louise, not even close. I’m talking about looking out into an abyss and

mentally free-falling so you no longer have to exist within the normal parameters of the world. Simply

becomingonewiththeuniverse.Mentalfreedominitspurestform.

Ihavehadmanyvariationsofthisdream,butoneremainsconsistent.I’mstandingontheedgeofthat

cliffwithmyarmsspreadwideasthesunbeatsdown,andacoolbreezeblowsacrossmyskin.It’sthen

that I let myself fall––flying free into the unknown of my choosing. Today the sky is a rose gold with

flecksofsilverglintingfromtheraysofthesun.Thegrassbeneathmyfeetisavibrantgreenandtheseaa

stunningmixtureofcobaltandteal.Istareoutatthevastnessofthewaterandguessthepointwherethe

oceanandtheskybecameone.It’speacefulinthisdream.Iguessthat’swhyIalwayscomeback,hoping

likeDorothyorAlicethatI’llfindmyownversionofOzorWonderland...andluckily,todayisthatday.

Itwas5:45pmwhenIdecidedmyfuture.

By9:43Iwaswellonmywaytomakingitallcometrue.

At11:16Itookthefirststeptomakeitareality.

At11:17Ifellandfoundpeace.

ChapterOne

The air went from warm to cool as I fell from the sunlight into the darkness. I was sliding down a

blackholethatfeltsmoothandslick,asifIwasslippingonmarble.Thevortexwasswirlingdownwards

towards the earth and there were no sounds to distinguish where I was or where I was heading––only

silence.

Down.

The sensation that followed left me gasping for air. I couldn’t breathe. The water around me was

freezinganditfeltasifmybonesweregoingtosnapfromthepressure.

“Breathe,”avoiceinsidemyheadscreamed.

“How?I’munderwater.”

“Youcan.”

Amomentlater,I’dmanagedtokickmyselftothesurface.Arushofairhitmyface,andIcoughedand

sputteredasItriedtocatchmybreath.

“Excuse me!” a voice exclaimed. “Do you normally just intrude upon people in such an intrusive

way?Whereareyourmanners?”

Iwenttospeakbutwaslackingclearthought.Therebeforemestoodanotterdressedinathree-piece

suit and a bowler hat which was now spotted with water. He looked like he’d just stepped out of an

episodeofDowntonAbbey.

“I’m…I’msorry?”Ichoked.

“Ohyes,indeed.Icantellbythesincerityinyourvoicejusthowsorryyouare,”theottersnappedas

hetookoffhishatandusedahandkerchieftowipeit.

“IthinkIbumpedmyhead.”

“That’stheexcuseforyourrudeness?”Hehuffedandputhishatbackonthenturnedhisattentionto

themudthathadtippedhisshoes.

Iclosedmyeyesandshookmyheadinhopesofclearingmythoughts.Thisdreamhadgoneawryfor

sure.

“Areyouillorsomething?Becauseifyou’regoingtobesickthenyouneedtogetoutofmylake.”

“Yourlake?”

“Thereissomethingwrongwithyou,”theotterrepliedcurtly.“Doyounotseeyouareinalake?”

Ilookedovermyshoulderandsawthevastexpanseofwaterwithscatteredislandsoffinthedistance

and remained profoundly confused. How was this happening? Or better yet, why was this happening?

WhereinthehellwasI?

IttookafewminutesbeforeIcouldgathermyself,butasIlookedaroundIrealizedIwasstandingon

theedgeofthemuddybankwithtalltreesinthedistance.Icouldseethesunrisingoverthewaterjustas

theskyglistenedabeautifulrosegoldwithombreshadesofpurpleandblue––justlikeinmydream.But

thiswasn’tmydreamorwasit?

I can openly admit I have been mentally lost for months, but now as I sit here with an irate otter

yellingatme,theideaoflosttookonawholenewmeaning.I’mtalking,I’vehitmyheadtoohardand

nowIliveinthelandofdelirium,kindoflost.Theotterkepttalking,butIcouldn’thearwhathewas

saying.Ijustwatchedashefeverishlywavedhisarmsaroundasiftogetmetorespond.Whatwashe

tryingtotellme?Whatwasitthathewantedmetodoashepointedtowardstheshoreline?

Iclosedmyeyesagain,hopingsanitywouldbringmebacktotherealworld,insteadmyminddrifted

back to the day my world changed. The day my life had gone from being structured and predictable, to

somethingIcouldn’tcomprehendorrecognize.IwokeupthesameasIhaddoneeverydayforyearsand

followedmyregularroutine…shower,makeup,hair,breakfast.Mylife,forallintentsandpurposes,was

onebigmonotonouschord.That’snothowIintendedittobe,though.Ihadbigplans.PlanssobigthatI

waswillingtoleavetheplaceandthepeoplewhomatteredmosttomeinthisworldforashotatbringing

thosebigplanstofruition.I,likesomanyothers,believedIwasdestinedtobesomuchmore.Ifailedto

realize,though,thatlifewas––correction,ISaboutmorethanwhetherornotyouhavethebestjob,best

apartment, trendiest clothes, most likes on social media. It’s about so much more, but I gave up that

versionofhappytopursuemydreamsandnowthosedreamshavebroughtmehere.Failure.

Iwaspulledoutofmyrecountwhenasharpobjectdugintomyribcage.“Ow!”Iexclaimed.Myhand

wentforthespot,andwhenIpulleditbackitwascoveredinblood.Shit,thisisnotadream.

“Hello.Hello,”twovoicesspokeinsuccession.

“Sheishurt.”

“Yes,sheis.”

“WillyouhealherorshallI?”

“Ithinkyoushouldhealher,sister,sinceInevermeanttohurthertobeginwith.FixherbeforeIam

forcedtolookaway.”

“Yes,dearsister.Ishallfixher.”

A warm sensation radiated from the wound, and I looked up at the two identical doll like females

standingbeforeme.Glancingdown,Isawthewoundhadnotonlybeenhealed,butthebloodwasgone

too,washedawayasifitneverhappened.

“Cansomeonepleaseexplaintomewhatthehellisgoingon?”Iquipped.

“Language.Thatisaviolation,andinfrontofthequeensnoless,”theottersaidasheshookhisfistat

me.“You’lldobesttogetupandbowifyouknowwhatisgoodforyou.”

“Thereis.”

“Noneed.”

“Forthat,Winston.”

“Weshallforgive.”

“Thetransgressionthistime.”

Myeyesdartedbetweenthemastheyspokeback-to-backinincompletesentences.Ididn’tknowwhat

to think or do. It was annoying and eerily disturbing at the same time, but honestly, a talking otter was

pointingoutmymisbehavior,sowhowasItosaywhatwasmaddeningatthispoint?Isatupslowlyand

mademywayoutofthewater.Myteethhadstartedtochatter,andIreallywantedtounderstandwhatwas

goingon.WherewasI?

Istoodbeforethetwoetherealbeings,dressedidenticallyinallpink,includingtheirhairandtherose

goldcrownsdrippinginglintingcrystalsthatadornedtheirheads.Theonlythingaboutthemthatwasn’t

bathedinacarnationhuewastheirturquoisecoloredeyesandpalepeachskin.

“Um,Ididn’tmeanto,ugh,yeah,”IstammeredasItriedtomakemyselfpresentableinspiteofthe

circumstances.Waterwasdrippingdownmyjeans,andthefabricofmytopwasclingingtomychestasif

itweregluedontome,butIneededanswers,andIwasconvincedthesepeopleweretheonlyonesableto

givethemtome.“CanyoupleasetellmewhereIam?”

“YouareinSacrife,ofcourse.”

“Wheredidyouthinkyouwere,child?”

“Um,Iwasn’tsure.”

“Youusethatwordalot,whatdoesitmean?”theuptightottersnapped.

Iclosedmyeyesandshookmyhead.“It’sabadhabit.Umisawordusedwhensomeoneistryingto

comeupwithotherwordstosay.”

“Youreallyshouldusecorrectlanguage,butthenagain,you’vebeenimpropersinceyouarrived.”

“Youareveryrude,”Ifiredback.

Thetwinqueenschuckledinunisonandthenspoketogether.“Hedoesn’tknowhowtobeanyother

way.”TheywiggledtheirfingershaphazardlyintheairbeforecallingWinstonovertothem.Astheybent

downandwhisperedsomethingintohisear,helistenedforamomentbutthenpulledbackinshock.He

triedtoprotest,buttheydeniedhimarebuttal.Instead,hescurriedoffwithoutanotherwordorglancein

mydirection.

Thequeensshiftedtheirattentiontomeandstaredforseveralmomentsbeforesnappingtheirfingers.

Instantly,Iwaswearingdryclothesbutnotmy clothes. My outfit had been replaced with a white silky

blouse,tightblackpants,andknee-highlaceupboots.Ilookedupatthequeenswhoseemedpleasedwith

themselves,buttheoneontherighttiltedherheadslightlyasifshewantedtochangeonemorethingabout

me.Shesmiledandsnappedherfingersagain.Iwatchedinaweasthebottomofmylonghairstartedto

change.Thepalepinkcolorclimbedup-and-up,replacingthedirtyblonde.Nowmyhairlookedexactly

liketheirs.Iwasnowathirdtotheirduo.

“Yes.”

“Perfect.”

“Sheisflawlessnow.”

Istartedtoaskwhatwaswrongwithmebefore,butreally,whatwasthepoint?Thiswasallsome

effed-updreamIwashaving,andIwasgoingtoeitherwakeuporbeforcedtoacceptthatIwasdeadand

thiswaseitherheavenorhell,dependingonhowIlookedatit.

Winstonhadmadehiswaybacktowherewewerestanding,buthewasn’talone.Therebesidehim

wasasmallerbutequallystodgyotter.However,thisonewasdressedintanknickers,abowtie,Harry

Potterspectacles,andhadaquiverdrapedoverhissmallframe.

“Pleasedtobeatyourserviceagain,”hesaidashebowedtothequeens.

Whatwaswiththetalkingotters?God,IreallywishIwouldwakeup.

ChapterTwo

“Yourmajesties.”Winstonbowedtoo.“Myson,asyourequested.”

Theflowersrustledbehindwherethesecondotterstood.“Suchapleasuretoseeyouagain,Oliver,”

theonequeensaid.

“Indeed,apleasure.Ourbestguideisnowatyourservice,”thesecondqueenpausedassheturned

towardsme.“Wedonotknowyourname,child.”

“Nowedonot.Whatnameareyoucalled?”

Iswallowedhardandlookedaroundaseveryonestaredatmeintently.It’snotasifwhattheyasked

wasdifficult,butit’sjustthatIstillcouldn’tbelieveIwasstuckinthisridiculousdelusion.

“She’sbrokenagain,”Winstongripped.

Ithrewhimalookandturnedtofacethequeens.“I’mnotbroken.Notreally,”Isighed.“Mynameis

Novaleigh.NovaleighDarrow.”

“Whata”

“beautiful”

“name.”

Again, the queens spoke in broken sentences, but the reason remained unknown. Sometimes they

carriedoutcompletethoughts,whileotherswerechoppyandoddlychild-like.

“Creative.”

“Outgoing.”

“Uncertainty.”

“Thetrinitysurroundsher.”

“Suchblessingstobecountedinthrees.”

“Idon’tunderstand.Whatdoesthatmean?WhereamI?Andwhyisthisallhappening?”IaskedasI

ranmyfingersthroughmyhair.“Iappreciateyourkindnessandall,butwhatisgoingon?”

“Chosen.”

“Theaurasurroundingyoudeclaresit.”

“Thecolorofyourlockswillnowaffordyousafekeeping,notonlyforthefactthatpinkisourroyal

creed,butbecauseyouyourselfsharethegift.”

“Thegift?”Istammered.“Whatgift?”

“Clairaudience.”

“Haveyounotalreadyheardvoicesspeakingtoyou?”

Istaredatthequeensblankly.

“The voice who told you to breathe?” the one queen said with a slight tilt of her head. “When you

weredrowning?”

Tears welled in my eyes. “Yes, I remember. I thought it was my own voice begging me to save

myself.”

“No.”

“Youareherebecauseyouhavesomethingtolearn.”

“Theonlywayforyoutoreturnistoaccept.”

“Tomoveforward.”

“Tocarrytheweightoftheburdenyoubear.”

“Thepinkistoremindyouoftheplaceyoumustgetbackto.”

“Fortheplaceyouareinnowisbleak.”

“Letitnotgofromblacktowhite,forthenallwillbelost.”

Now, tears were streaming down my face. How could they know I carried a burden and needed to

heal? This was insane. I had officially lost my mind. Total “white jacket, white room” moment. All I

needednowwasabouncyfloorbeneathmyfeetanditwouldallbeover.

“Novaleigh.”

“Oliverwillbeyourguide.Hewillshowyoutheway.”

“Trustandfaithhaveleftyou.”

“Hewillhelpguideyoubacktothem.”

“Blessingstoyouonyourjourney.

“Fornowwemustgo.”

“But...”Itriedtoprotest,butinaflashtheyweregone.

I stood there crying for a few moments before I realized Winston and Oliver were still with me. I

abruptlyswipedmyeyesandturnedtolookatthem.

“Oliverwasit?”Theottergaveaclippednod.“Wheretofirst?”

OliverlookedoveratWinstonthenbackatme.“Iamtoguideyou,butyouaretochoosethepath.”

Ishookmyheadandwhispered,“OfcourseIam.”Ilookedaroundandtriedtodecidethebestroute

totake.Ihadn’tnoticeditbefore,butthereseemedtobesectionsorquadrantswithpathsrunningalong

each one. I watched as a handful of autumn hued leaves rustled past my feet and towards a forest of

deciduoustreesinvaryingstagesofchange.Totheleftofthatwasapathcoveredinablanketofwhite,

untouchedandunsullied;justlookingatitsentachillupmyspine.Theothertwopathswerebathedin

sunlightwithbrightlyhuedflowersrustlingasabreezekissedtheirleaves.

“Might I suggest something?” Winston offered, his tone more subdued and less critical than it had

previously been. “Choose the direction your heart is pulling you towards. That will be the one you are

meanttobeginwith.”

Myhandswereshaky,andIcouldfeelmyselfwantingtocrawlintoaballandcryuntilIwasableto

snapoutofthis––whateverthiswas––butIknewthatwasn’tgoingtohappen.Iwasgoingtohavetosee

thisthroughifIwantedmysanitytoreturn.Onwardandupward.

“I’dliketogothatway,”IsaidasIpointedtowardstheleaflesstreesinthedistance.

ChapterThree

Oliver and I had walked for what seemed like miles, and yet we still had not reached the clearing

whereI’dhopetostartmyjourney.WhenIchosethedestination,itdidn’tlookmuchmorethanablock

away,andyetasmylegsbegantoburnfromthedescentdownthehill,Irealizeditwasn’tascloseasI

thought.

“Howfarawayisthisplace?”

“Cadent?Roughlyahalfdaysjourney,why?”

“Really?Itdidn’tseemthatfaraway.”

“Illusory,mistress.AllthingshereinSacrifeare.Alwayschangingandgrowing.Itisawayforusto

remainsafefromthethingsthatthreatentodestroyus.”

“Destroyyou?Idon’tunderstand.Thisplaceisperfectandfree.Whatcouldpossiblydestroywhat

thequeensruleover?”Iaskedasifanyofthiswasmakingsense.Iwantedsodesperatelytowakefrom

this dream/nightmare, but until I did, I assumed it was best to play along. Follow it through to its end,

eveniftheendisthefinale.Acceptance.

“As in all life, there must be balance. Light to dark. Good to bad. Earth to Sky. You get my point.

Sacrife is no different, Novaleigh. So far, you’ve only encountered things associated with the light, but

beforeyouknowitwewillrunintotheothers,thetricksters.Youwillneedtotakeheedandnotbedrawn

intotheirdeceptions,understand?”Oliversaidinasternbutsofttone.

“Sure.Iguess.”

“Itwillmakesensewhenyouencountersomethingthatmakesyourecallourpresentconversation,”

Oliversaidashelookedtowardsthepathwewereon.

“Areyoualwayssoserious?Yourfatherwas,andIguessthatiswhereyoulearneditfrom,butdo

youeverhaveamomentoffrivolity?”

Oliverturnedandstaredatmewithalookofabjecthorror.“Frivolity?Thereisnoroomforsilliness

whenyouareaguardian.Itakemyjobveryseriously.IfIdon’t––well,thingscanhappen.”

“Likewhat,Ollie?”

Oliver’seyesgrewwide.“Excuseme,butmynameisOliverFranklinHamilton.Donotaddressme

soinformallyifyouexpectmetorespond.”

Ipursedmylipstogethertostiflethelaughthreateningtoclaimme.It’samazingwhattheunconscious

mindconjureswhenit’sinastateoftrauma.Anotterinclothingtellingmetobeformalandproper.Yeah,

okay.

Oliverstoppedabruptlyandstaredupatme.“Thisisnojoke.Youarehereforareason.Youhave

somethingtolearn,andIamtobeyourguideandkeepyousafeasyoutravelyourchosenpath,butbyno

meansamInottobetakenseriously.Doweunderstandoneanother,Ms.Darrow?”

I swallowed hard. “Yes, Mr. Hamilton. Serious it is.” I moved to go around him but stopped short

beforecontinuingon.“Ononecondition.”

“Whichis?”Oliversnapped.

“YoucallmeNovi.It’swhatmyfriendscallme.”

His shoulders dropped and he relaxed. “I can agree to those terms,” Oliver said as he adjusted his

quiver.“ButonlyifyoucontinuetocallmeOliver.Mr.Hamiltonsoundsasthoughmyfatherisnearbyand

well,I’mnotassternasheis.”Hegrinned.

Wewalkedabitmorebeforeeitherofusspokeagain.Thistime,however,theconversationwasmore

casual. We talked about the weather here and why sometimes a chill ran in the air despite the fact that

therewererowsandrowsofpeoniesandmarigoldsinfullbloom.Oliverexplainedthathere,theseasons

crossedoneanotherbasedonthequeens’whims.

“Sothisplaceweareheaded,Cadent.Isn’tthatwhatyoucalledit?Whyarethetreestherebareand

lookdeadwheneverythingelseseemssovibrantandalive?”

Olivergavemeasidelongglancebeforehespoke.“Cadentisitsname.Itmeansautumnorharvest.It

mostclearlyisaseasonofchange.Thosewhodwellthereareinthein-between.Ifyoulingertoolong,

you can become trapped,” he said with a slight tick in his jaw. “I was going to tell you this when we

arrived––justbeforeweentered,butsinceyouareaskingnow,IfeltIshouldexplain.”

Inodded.“Okay.AnythingelseIneedtoknoworpreparefor?”

He nodded. “You may see people or things that you want to help, but it is imperative that you only

observe.Theyareontheirpath,anditisnotforyouorItointerfereoralter.Understand?”

“Yes.”

Oliverpulledalookingglassoutofthesatchelattachedtohisbeltandstaredoffintothedistance.“I

thinkthisisagoodplacetostopandrest.WecanmakeCadentintwohoursifwecontinueatthepace

we’vebeengoing.I’mhungry,areyou?”

Ihadn’tactuallythoughtaboutit,butnowthatOlivermentionedit,Iwasalittlehungry.“Icouldeat,

butthequestionis,whatarewegoingtoeat?It’snotlikethereisarestaurantnearby.”

“Awhat?”

Ishookmyhead.“Nevermind.”

“Over here looks like a good place,” Oliver said as he pointed to a clearing with two tree stumps

coveredinmoss.

Iwatchedashepulledacordfromunderhisshirt.Acordcarryingalargeclearcrystalwrappedin

somekindofvine.Heheldittowardsthesunandadozenorsoraysoflightbeamedtowardstheclearing.

Withinseconds,thestumpsbecamestoolsandaroundtableappearedcoveredinbowlsandgoblets,all

onglintingdisplay.Heturnedtolookatme.“Whatdoyouthink?”

Mymouthhungagape.WhatwasIsupposedtosay?“Howdidyoudothat?”

Olivergrinned.“Magicofcourse.Whatelsewoulditbe?”

He didn’t wait for me to respond, instead he trotted off towards the table and lifted the covers to

revealthefruitsinonebowlandavarietyofnutsintheother.Ashereachedforone,heturnedtolookat

me. “I don’t think you’ll like these, but I’ll be happy to share,” he said as he lifted the lid on the last

container.Insidewasavarietyofseafood––clams,mussels,seaurchins,snails,andafewsmallfish,eyes

andall.

Iscrunchedmynose.“IthinkI’mgood.Thatisallyou,myfriend.”

Hegaveabroadsmileanddishedoutaheartyportionforhimself.“Ididn’tknowyourspecifictaste,

soIstartedwithsomethingsimple.Wouldyouprefersomethingbesidesthefruitsandnuts?”

“Maybesomecheese?Ireallyloveapples,cheese,andwalnuts.”

Olivernodded,andwithafewchoicewordsasheheldupthecrystal,aplatefullofcheesearrived

onmysideofthetable.

“Thankyou,”IsaidasItooktheseatoppositehim.Itwasn’tmuchreally,butitwasperfect.Thefood

was wonderful, and before I could even request it, Oliver called out for drinks and the most delicious

concoctionappearedbeforeus.Itlookedlikeathickdarkwine,butittastedlikeamodifiedversionofa

piñacolada.Freshpineapples,creamycoconut,anddarksweetcherries,allsmoothlyblendedbutwithout

anyalcohol.Iwasliterallyinlovewitheachsipanddrankatleastthreegobletsfullbythetimethemeal

hadended.

“Forhavingarrivedoutofthinair,thismealwasdivine,Oliver,”Isaidwithagrin.

Oliverpuffedouthischestandtuckedhisboundcrystalintohissatchel.“Itwasnothing,honest.”

“Well,itwasmostappreciated.InowhavetheenergytocarryontoCadent.”

“Wewillbetherebeforesundownandshouldhaveenoughtimetofindshelterbeforethedarksettles

in.”

InoddedandfollowedasOlivermadehiswaybackontothepath.ThecloserwegottoCadent,the

morevividthescenerybecame.Theskywasabrilliantmixoforangeandgold,whilethespindlytrees

createdaneerieforeground.Aswegotcloser,Oliverstopped.

“Whatisit?”

“Ineedtomakeyouawareofthisplaceandthethingsyoumayencounter,”Oliversaidashepulleda

largebagoutofhissatchel.

“Howbigisthatbag?Youcertainlyhavealotinit.”

Heshookhisheadindisregard.“ItcarriesallIneedittocarry,Novi.Thingswemayneedonour

journey.Icouldn’tpackeverything,butIplannedfortheobviousofcourse.”

“Of course.” I smiled. “So what is it you need to tell me about?” Just as I spoke, a giddy sound of

laughterechoedthroughthetrees.“Whatwasthat?”

Oliver adjusted his glasses and reached into the pouch he was carrying. “That was part of what I

needed to tell you about.” He pulled out a handful of purple flower buds and then the crystal he used

earlier to make our meal appear. “I’ll explain in a moment. Right now I need to ready myself for their

arrival.”

“Whosearrival?”Anotherroundofhighpitchedlaughterrangout,butthistimeitwasaccompanied

by the rustling of the autumn hued maple leaves scattering all around. The leaves danced as a gentle

breezeblew.Oliverworkedfastertocallforthwhateverheneededbeforetheleavessettledbackonto

thegroundagain.InonehandOliverheldthebudsandintheotherasmallglasspitcherofwhatlooked

likemilk.“Whatisthatfor?”Isnapped.

Oliverdidn’tanswer,insteadhetookakneeandbowedhishead.“DoasIdo,andI’llexplainlater,”

hewhispered.

I,too,bentdownandbowedtowardstheentrancetoCadent,waitingandwonderingwhyallofthis

wasnecessary.Again,wonderingwhythisdreamIwasstuckinwassoincrediblyunusual.Isighedand

waited.Aheartbeatlatermyanswerarrived.

“Youwishtoenter?”Adeepvoicespokeonlyafewfeetaway.

“Wedo,”Oliversaidasheheldouttheofferings.

“Youmayrise,SirHamilton.”

Oliverstood,andthetensionIhadinmyshoulderseased.Whilethiswholesituationwaspeculiar,I

foundmyselffullofanxiety.WhowasthispersonthatOliverhadtobowto,Iwondered?WhenIlooked

upIsawnothing.Oliverclearedhisthroatandflickedhisheadtowardstheground.Therebeforeuswas

atinymanwiththornywingscoveredinagossamerleaf.Istaredindisbeliefastheoverlysmallcreature

sheathedhissword.

“Areyougoingtointroducemetoyourguest,SirHamilton?”

Oliverstammeredabit,thenrecovered.“ThisisMissNovaleighDarrow.Sheisanhonoraryguestof

thequeensasyoucanseebyherhair.”

“Pleasedtomeetyou,MissDarrow.It’sanhonortohaveyouhereinCadent,”hesaidwithatiltof

hishead.

“Andyouare?”Ireplied.

“Mabellio.WarriorleaderoftheAutumnFaeanddirectcounciltoGolartheGoldenQueen.”

IlookedoveratOliver,hopingtogathersomesortofinsight,buthewasjuststandingthere,looking

outatthethirtysomeoddlittlefairieswhohadappearedoutofnowhereandwerenowbowingbefore

me.Ididn’tknowwhattosayordo,soinsteadIsmiled.

“Werequestpermissiontotravelthroughyourland,”Oliveraskedasheputhishandinhispocketand

pulledoutanuggetofsilver.“We’dliketoofferpaymentinadvanceifyouwillacceptus.”

Mabellio stepped forward to accept the chunk of silver. “Golar will be pleased. Thank you for the

offering. You may enter, but be forewarned that there are travelers among us who may be less than

desirable. Some have been trapped, while others still roam. We shall catch them soon enough, and our

watcherswillkeepaneyeoutasyoujourneyon.”

“Yourkindnessisappreciated.Wewilltakeheedofyourwarning,”Oliverreplied.

“Safetravelsmyfriend,”Mabelliosaidashepulledoutahandfulofdirtandblewitintotheair.A

smokycloudwaftedintotheskyandilluminatedanentrancethatwaspreviouslyhidden.“Youmayenter.”

OliverreachedformyhandandtogetherweenteredCadent.

“I’llexplainwhenwefindshelter.Untilthenjustfollowme.”

Isighedandfollowed.

ChapterFour

We didn’t have to go far before we reached our intended destination. I was tired, hungry, and quite

franklyoverallthemysticismthatwasconstantlysurroundingme.EverywhereIturned,somethingwas

aliveandmovingaboutinahurriedyetcalmfashion.Dailylifeforthecreaturesandthingsthatlivedin

Cadent,Isupposed,butuntilIcouldaskOliver,Iwasforcedtoassume,andweallknowwhatassuming

doesforyou.

“It’sjust up thosestairs. Follow me,”Oliver said as hewalked towards anarched stone wall with

stepsrunninguptheside.Thewholethinglookedasthoughithad,atonetimeoranother,beenpartofa

largerstructure,butnowlookedasifitmayfalldownatanymoment.

“Oliver,”IsnappedasIstoppedshortofthefirststep.“Thereisnothingatthetopofthisandevenif

therewas,Idoubtthosestairscanholdmyweight.Thiscan’tpossiblybewherewearegoing.”

“ButitisNovi,anditwillholdyourweight.BeforethislandbecamehometotheAutumnFae,itwas

aplacewherehumanslikeyourselfusedtodwell.Theybuiltthem.Whatisstillstandingwillmorethan

carryyoursize.”

Ihuffed.“Maybesothen,butthosestonestepsstillleadtonothing.Itjustdropsoff.”

“Faith,Novi.Faith.”

Oliverwashalfwayupthestairstonowherewhenhestoppedtowavemeon.WitheachstepItook,

the scenery changed behind it. The moss covered stone began to glint in the sun’s setting glow, and

lighteningbugsbegantobrightenourwayinthedusk.Atthetop,therewasanarchedwoodendoorwitha

copperhandleandasignthatreadWelcome.

“Wheredidthatcomefrom,Oliver?”Ihuffed.

Helaughedandturnedthehandle.“Ourrespiteforthenight,mistress.”

I ducked through the small doorway, expecting to have to crawl around on the inside. But as with

everythingelseinthisland,theheightofthedoorwasmisleading.InsteadofthetinyspaceI’dimagined,

therewasamulti-levelhomewithquaintfurnishingsandgoldenlanternsthattwinkledascandleflames

dancedwithin.

IturnedtoOliverasheremovedhisquiverandbow,hangingthemonthehookbesidethedoorand

asked,“IseverythinginCadentmagical?”

“EverythinginSacrifeismagical,Novi.Nothingisasitseems.Youmustrememberthis.”

“Well,quitefrankly,I’mstillwonderingwhenIamgoingtowakeupfromthisinsanedream.Iknow

noneofthisisreal,”IsaidasIploppeddownonacouchnearthefireplaceandclosedmyeyes.

Oliverlaughedafull-onbellylaughashemadehiswaytowardsthekitchen.“Thisisnodream,Novi.

Everythingyouareexperiencingisrealanduntilyouacceptthat,youwillnotbeabletogohome.”

“Yeah,okay.Sure.Twinqueens,talkingotters,AutumnFae,housessuspendedinmidair.Yep,totally

real.Gotit.”

Olivershookhishead.“Whyareyouhere,Novaleigh?”

“Ihavenoidea,Oliver.WhyamIhere?”

“Youknowthereason.Youjustchoosenottoacceptit.”

I opened one eye and stared at him. “No, I do not. One minute I was standing on the bridge by my

grandparent’splace,andthennextIwashere.Nothingmore,nothingless.”

“Andwhatexactlyleadtoyoubeingthere?”Oliverjibed.

Isatthereinsilence,thinkingabouthisquestion.Whathadbroughtmesoclosetothewater’sedge?

How did I get here? I know I wasn’t pushed, I was alone. I also know I didn’t jump. Could I have

slipped?MomentspassedasIrecountedalltheeventsthatledmebacktoScotlandinthefirstplace.I

hadbeeninNewYork,workingatmyjob,untilthedayIdecidedIneededandwantedmore.Ithoughtthat

waswhatweweresupposedtodoashumans,followapathbutstrayabitsowecouldgrow.Iswear,

thatwasallIwastryingtodo,buteverythingwentwrong––everything.

TwoandahalfmonthshadpassedsinceIenthusiasticallydecidedtogivemybossanultimatumand

ended up without a job. And exactly four weeks and three days since I found my jackass boyfriend

banginghissecretary.Thefinalnailinthecoffin,though,wasthedayIrealizedthatnomatterwhatIdid

topursueotheremployment,I’dneverworkinNewYorkagain.Mr.Klinehadsuccessfullyblackballed

mewitheverypotentialemployer.Iwasfinished.

“Areyouhungry?Iwasgoingtofixussomethingtoeat.Wehavealongday’sjourneytomorrow,and

we’llneedourstrength,”Oliverasked,interruptingmylittlejauntdownmemorylane.

Isatupandnodded.“Yes,please.”

“Sohaveyoufiguredoutwhyyouarehere?”

“Ilostmyjobandmyboyfriendcheatedonme,butIhardlythinkthosethingsarereasonstoendupin

afriggin’magicalwonderland,doyou?”Iasked,notreallyexpectingananswer.

“Again.Thatisnotwhyyouarehere.Lookdeeper.”

“Ugh,”IsighedasIfloppedbackontothecouch.

Oliverwentbacktowhathewasdoing,andIwaslefttodwellonmyownthoughts.Igrewupina

smalltownjustoutsideofNewYork.Myparentswereteachersandwelivedaquaint,peacefullife.We

spent summers at my dad’s parents in Scotland and I loved it there too. It wasn’t until my parents

separatedthatmymomdecidedtomoveustoScotlandpermanently.Welivedintheguesthouseonmy

grandparents’propertywhilemymomwentbacktoschooltogetherMaster’sdegree.Aftergraduation,

sheacceptedateachingpositionattheUniversityofGlasgow,butIwantedtomovebacktoNewYork

andworkforoneofthebigpublishinghousesinsteadoffollowingher.Ithadalwaysbeenmydream,for

aslongasIcouldremember.Ievenhadamapwithstringsandpinsovermybedofalltheplacesinthe

cityIwouldvisitonceIwasanofficialresidentagain.Iwasdrunkwiththeidea.It’snotthatIdidn’tlove

Scotland.Idid.Iwantedtolivefastpaced,though,inthecitythatdidn’tsleep,notinatownthatrolled

up the sidewalks before 10pm. I had a plan, and I wasn’t going to be swayed from it for anything or

anyone.

Myheartclenched.Gavinhadbeentheonethingthatgavemepause,butwewereyoungandstupid.

What were we gonna do, stay on the path we were on which had me married at twenty-two and most

likelyamotherbytwenty-five?Ididn’tthinkso.Myheartclenchedagain.IlovedGavin,andhewasthe

hardestthingIhadtogiveupwhenImademychoice,butIhadtodoitforme.Selfish.Ibrokehisheart

whenIleft,buthewasn’ttheonlyone.Mymomandgrandparentshadhopedformoretoo,andIletthem

alldown.Thejokewasonme,though,becauseIgavethemallupjusttoendupwithnothing.Ilostmore

than just a lousy boyfriend and a shitty boss too. My pappa had a stroke one spring, and I hadn’t been

there for my nanna after he passed. I couldn’t get the time off and so when she needed me the most, I

wasn’tthere.MomdrovethedistancefromGlasgowtoIsleofSkyeweeklytohelpout,andtheyhadhelp

fromGavinandhisdad,butme,nope,Iwasn’tavailable.Iwaslivingmydream.

Tears started to well in my eyes as thoughts of all the things I should have been there for and the

reasonswhyIwasn’thitmelikeatidalwave.Ididn’thavetimetowallowinit,though,becauseOliver

walked over and handed me a plate of corned beef and cabbage with a side of steaming carrots and

potatoes.Andifthatwasn’tgoodenough,hehadtwoslicesoffreshlybakedsodabreadwithbutteronthe

plateaswell.

“Howdidyouknowthiswasmyfavorite?”Iasked.

Olivershrugged.“Ididn’t.Imademyfavoriteandhopedyou’dlikeit.”

Istartedslowatfirst,savoringeverybite,butthenIcouldn’thelpmyself.Imashedthepotatoesand

carrots and turned the whole meal into a makeshift hash. It was the way I used to eat it as a kid when

Nannausedtomakeit.

When I took the last bite, and my plate was spotless, I turned to Oliver who was happily sated as

well.“Youknow,ifthisguardiangigdoesn’tcontinuetoworkout,maybeyoushouldconsideracareeras

achef.”

Webothchuckledandthensighedhappilyatourfullbellies.

Neitherofussaidanythingforabit.Insteadwebothjustsatinsilenceandenjoyedthepeaceofthe

moment.Eventually,Olivermoved,grabbingupourplatesandwalkingintothekitchen.

“Hey,letmedothedishes.It’stheleastIcando.”

“I’llmeetyouhalfway,”hesaidashegrabbedadishtoweloutofthecupboard.“I’lldry.”

Igrinned.“Deal.”

We started on the plates, but by the time we got to the pots and pans, Oliver started asking me

questionsagain.“DidyoulearnanythingwhileIwascooking?”

Igavehimadownwardglance.“No.”

“Haveyoualwaysbeensostubborn?”heaskedashetookthepanoutofmyhandtodry.

“Whatisthatsupposedtomean?”

“ItmeansthatyoumustlikeallthisconfusionandbeinghereinSacrife,otherwiseyou’dtryharderto

uncovertherootofyourpain.”

IdroppedthepotIwaswashing.“HowdoyouknowI’minpain?”

“BecausetheonlyreasonyourkindendupinSacrifeisfromsomesortofpain,andit’susuallyself-

inflicted.Iwasgiventoyouasagiftbythequeensbecausetheysaidyouwerespecial,thatyourarrival

hadbeenprophesied.Youweretocomehere,andIamtogetyouhome.”

“What?!”

“Look,Icanunderstandyourfrustration,butifweworktogetherwecangetyouhome.”

Myshouldersdropped.“I’mnotspecial.Farfromit.Whyme?Whyhere?”

“ThatIdon’tknow,Novi.TheinstructionsIwasgivenwastotakeyouwhereveryouwanttogoand

tokeepyousafe.”

“Soletmeunderstandthis...anyone,otherthanme,doesnotgetawelcomewagonfromthequeensand

is now currently roaming around Sacrife struggling to find their way without someone like yourself to

guidethem?”

Oliver took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirt and put them back on. “Yes. That is what I am

saying. Some of your kind die here, Novi, and some are trapped in limbo. There is, however, the rare

individual that manages to find their way out on their own, but that usually never happens without a

specificmotivation.”

“Everythingisjustasscreweduphereasitwasathome.Thisplacehasnoanswers.I’mnotgoingto

findanythinghere.”

Oliverreachedupformyhandandledmebackintothelivingroomarea.“Canwetrysomething?”

Irolledmyeyes.“DoIreallyhaveachoice?”

“Youalwayshaveachoice,Novi,”Oliversaidashepointedtowardsthechairnexttothecouch.“Sit.

Iknowawayforyoutoopenyourmindtotheplacesyoukeephidden.”

“Oliver, I told you. I had normal problems stemming from poor choices. I’ll get past it. The world

willmoveon.Iwillmoveon.”

“Humorme?”Oliveraskedashewalkedovertohissatchelandpulledoutavibrantbluestone.“Lay

yourheadbackonthecushionandgetcomfortable.”

“Youareaveryoddotter,Oliver.”

Helaughedandthenplacedthestoneonmyforehead.“Closeyoureyes.”

“Caretoexplain?”Iasked.

“No.Thestonewillbegintoworksoonenough.”

“Whatisthis…thing?”

“It’salapislazulianditwillhelpus,Imeanyou,gettothesourceofwhat’sbotheringyou.Oncewe

dothat,thenIcanbetterguideyouonthisjourney.Socloseyoureyes,andlet’sbegin.”

Isighedanddidasheasked.I really don’t want to do this, but then again, I really don’t want to

spendtherestofmydaystrappedinthiswhackedoutdreamandlivinginlimboeither.MaybeIfell

andhitmyheadandaminacoma.Yeah,thatseemslogical.

“Quiet your mind, Novaleigh. The stone cannot work if you continue to be resistant to it,” Oliver

advised.

“ButIdidn’tsayaword.Howdidyouknow?”

“Shhhhh,”hewhispered.

ChapterFive

Whateverthislapislazuliwas,itbegantowork–oratleastIthoughtitwasdoingsomething––almost

immediately. It had turned ice cold then warmed slightly until it was comfortably cool against my skin.

Visionsofwaterbegantorushthroughmymind,andIdriftedintoadeepsleep,lulledbythegentlewaves

ofenergyflowingthroughme.NowthatIwasinacalmstate,Iwashalted,unsureofwhatIwassupposed

to do next. I heard a muffled voice echo in my mind but couldn’t identify who it was. The voice grew

closerbutremainedmuted.

“What?Ican’thearyou.Whatareyousaying?”

“Followthewater.Followthelight.”

“Idon’tunderstand.Followthewhat?”

“Water,light,flame,purify.”

“Thatmakesnosense.”

“Breathe.”

Itookadeepbreathandwastransportedtoamemory.

Susan:Areyouseriouslygoingtofollowthroughwiththis?

Ipickedupmyphoneandtextedback.

Novi:Yep!IfIdon’tI’llbelostforever.

Susan:Dramaqueen.

Novi:LOL.Seeyouatwork.

Ileftmyhouseanddrovetotheofficestilldebatingmyplan,butlikeItoldSusan,ifIdidn’tdo

this now, I never would. I don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end job with nothing to claim as an

adventureundermybelt.Therewillalwaysbeotherjobs.Besides,it’snotasifIdon’tdeservethis.I

workmyassoffforMr.Kline,andheknowsIcannotbereplaced,yethestillcontinuestoscrewmeon

thebonusesandadvances.

I’mgoingonvacationtovisitmymomnextweek,hellorhighwater.Mr.Klinecaneithergiveme

thetimeoff,orI’llquit.

Myforeheadwarmedandmymindflashedforward.

“Hi,thisisNovaleighDarrow.MayIspeakwithAllisonSimmons?”

“Pleasehold.”

“Hey,Novi.Howareyou?”

“I’m good, but I wanted to give a heads up. You’ve always been more than just a client, and I

couldn’tingoodfaithjustleaveyouinthedark.”

“Okay,you’refreakingmeout.What’sgoingon?”

“IgaveMr.Klineachancetoprovehewasadecenthumanbeingtoday,buthefailedmiserably.I

gavehimmynotice.”

“Areyoukiddingme?Whatassholemovedidhepullnow?”

“Iaskedfortwoweeksvacation.”Ilaughed.

“Mr.Klineissuchagreedybastard.He’llneverfindanyonetoreplaceyou.He’samoron.”

“Yeah,Iknow,buthedoesn’tseeitthatway.”

“Whenisyourlastday?”Allisonsighed.

“Today. Mr. Kline said if I wasn’t willing to play ball the way he wanted it played, then I could

leave.I’mactuallycallingyoufromtheStarbucksdownthestreetfromyouroffice.”

“Don’tmove.I’llbethereinfive.”

Allison walked in the door and made her way to the counter to order her usual––venti green tea

latte,beforemakingabeelinetowhereIwassittingbythewindow.

“Allright,Ihaveaplan,”Allisonsaidasshedroppedherbagsonthetable.

Ilaughed.“Youalwaysdo.”

Mybodyshivered,andIfeltlikeIwasgoingtothrowup.Itookanotherdeepbreathandtriedtofocus

again. A few moments and a few more waves of nausea hit me before I was able to regain my internal

balance.Thenmymindflashedagain.

I’maconfidantyoungwomanandskilledatmyjob,butMr.Klinewasastodgyoldmanwholiked

tobarksimplyforthefunofit.Ihadworkedtirelesslyforthatmanfortwoyears.Twoyearsofout-

workingtheotherassistantsandyeteverytimetheyweretheonestogetthebonuses.Theywerethe

onestogettimeoffandspecialconsiderationwhenitcametoadvancement.Mr.Klinealwayschose

everyoneelseaboveme,andI’dfinallyhadenough.Infact,themonthspriortothiswholeordealhad

beenhellacious.Idecidedtoaskforsometimeoffandaraiseforallmyefforts.I’daddedthreenew

clientstoourpublishinghouse’srosterinthelastthreeweeks,soagain,Ididn’tthinkaskingforfew

daysoffformyselfwasanythingexorbitant.Unfortunately,whatIdidn’tknowwasthattheotherthree

assistantshadbeatenmetothepunchandalreadyputinfortheirdaysoff.

Mr. Kline was a stickler for unwavering dedication and didn’t feel vacation time was necessary,

butsincethelawrequiredit,hehadtocomply.BythetimeI’dworkedupthenervetoask,Mr.Kline

wasthoroughlyirritated.

AndthentherehadbeenEthan,myjackassofaboyfriend,andtheskankfromhisoffice.SinceI’d

lost my job I admit that I’d been a bit difficult to be around, but I was trying to make amends and

decidedtosurpriseEthanwithdinnerattheoffice.He’dbeenworkinglatealot,butIthoughtthatis

whatjuniorassociatesdidtotryandmakepartner.Boy,howwrongIwas.Ethanwasjustscrewinghis

waythroughhisofficeinstead.Ishould’vebeenshockedorangry,butIwasneither.WhenIwalkedin

andsawthetwoofthemgoingatit,IjuststoodthereandwatchedforasecondbeforeIdroppedthe

foodcontainersdrawingtheirattentiontome.LizachokedoutascreamandEthanproceededtomake

excuses.

“WaitNovaleigh!It’snotwhatyouthink!”

“Not what I think? No, you’re right. It looked like the two of you were knitting.” I grabbed the

umbrellainthestandnexttothedoorandchuckeditathim.“Fuckoff,Ethan.We’redone.”

“Butwait.Icanexplain.”

“Noneed.IknowallIneedtoknow.”

Hetriedtochaseaftermebuttrippedoverthepantsaroundhisankles.Itwould’vebeenhumorous

ifthetruthofwhatI’djustwitnessedhadn’thitmesohard.I’dwastedayearandahalfwithaman

wholackedtheabilitytobefaithfulandspenttwoyearsbustingmyassforanothermanwhocouldn’t

seemyworth.Thosetwoeventshadbeenthebeginningofmydownwardspiral.Normally,I’mastrong

person, difficult to break, but with them both happening back to back, it felt as though the universe

wasrisingupagainstme.

Everythinghappensinthrees,mynannaalwaysusedtosay.Ispentthenextfewweekswaitingfor

the third thing to knock me on my ass so I could finally pick myself up, but what do they say when

you’re in the midst of hell? That there is something better ahead? I get the concept, but the idea is

completelyscrewedupwhenallyouwanttodoisrageandeatpintsandpintsoficecreamtodrown

thesorrowandself-pity.

Icoughedandmyeyesflewopen.IstaredatOliverwhowasstaringbackatmewithconcern.

“Areyouokay?”heasked.

“Whatwasthat?It’slikeIwasrelivingeverything.”

“Lapislazuliisapowerfulcrystalwithamazinghealingproperties.Ichoseitforyousoyoucantap

intothethoughtsyouneedtounblock.”

Isatupandgotdizzy.“Whoa.”

“I think that is enough for tonight. We can try again tomorrow. You probably should just go to bed

now.”

“Okay.”Inodded.“Ishereonthecouchallright?”

“Actuallythereisaroomatthetopofthestairswaitingforyou.Pillows,blankets,andanythingyou

mightneed.”

“Wow.Thankyou,again.IknowIkeepsayingthat,butthat’strulyhowIfeel.Thankyoufortaking

careofme,Oliver.”

“It’snobother,Novi.”

IstoodandheadedforthestairsbutstoppedandturnedbacktoOliver.“SorryIgaveyouandyour

dadsuchahardtimewhenIfirstarrived.Itwasallalottotakein,youknow?”

Hegrinned.“Ido.Sleepwell.”

“Youtoo,Oliver.”

ChapterSix

Dawn arrived before I knew it, and Oliver and I were out the door. I had no idea where we were

going,butwecertainlyseemedtobeinahurrytogetthere.

“Whytherush?”Iaskedaswemadeourwaydownthestonesteps.

“WehavetomeetwithGolar,theAutumnFaeQueen,byaquartertill.Wehavetohurry.Wesleptin

whenweshouldhavebeenonourwayahalfhourago,”Oliversaidashetossedahandfulofachalky

substanceintotheairnearthebaseofthesteps.Inaninstant,thecottagewewerestayinginvanished.

“Whydowehavetomeetthequeen?”Iaskedaswecontinuedtohurrydowntheleaflitteredpath.

“Itiscustomarywhenyouvisitherlandtojoinherinafeast.Wearrivedtoolateyesterday.Sheisan

early riser and prefers to celebrate early. Hence, the rushing,” he said as he picked up his pace. “She

abhorslate.Idon’twanttobelate.”

I walked faster because the panic in his voice demanded it. We had been walking through a

picturesque version of fall. I mean, snap a photo of your ideal November day and you were where we

were, but as we rounded the bend, the landscape changed. The trees were as high as the sky with their

barkappearingalmostblackandtheleaveswerevaryingshadesofburgundyandred.Itwasstunningbut

alarming.I’dneverseenthismuchvibrancy,anditwasbreathtaking.

“Isthiswherewe’regoing?”Iasked.

“Yes. Just down that path and we’ll have arrived,” Oliver said as he pulled out his watch, “and on

timeaswell.”Hegrinned.

The wood bridge creaked as I crossed, but it held my weight just like the stairs. Magic again, I

suppose.Oliverreachedtheendofthepathandcametoahalt.Therewasnothinginfrontofhim,yethe

stoppedandpulledoutsomethingfromwithinhissatchel.

“Again,Ihavetoask...howmuchstuffdoyouhaveinthatbag,Oliver?It’slikeadamnclowncar.”I

laughed.

Heshookhisheadandturnedbacktowhathewasdoing.“Whatisaclowncar?”

“Nothing.Nevermind.Whyhaveyoustopped?”

“Thereisawallhere.Ineedtoaskforpermission...”hiswordstrailedoffasIslidupnexttohim,

tryingtoseethewallhewasspeakingof.

“Isitinvisible,oramIjustmissingit?”

Heshookhishead.“Thefairyrealmishiddenfromview.Youcanonlyseetheirhomeiftheywant

youto.”

Isatsilentandlistenedtohimspeakanotherlanguageasheswungagoldnecklaceintheshapeofa

treeinacircularmotion.“Whatisthat?”

“Areplicaoftheirsacredthorntree.Golarwillappreciateit,”Oliverstatedconfidentlybetweenhis

chanting.

“How do you know this queen? You seemed on friendly terms with the fae we met last night. What

washisnameagain?”

“Mabellio,”Oliverblurted.

“Gotit.MabellioandGolar.I’mgoodwithnames.Iwon’tembarrassyou,”IsaidasIstoodstill.

Theinvisiblewallbecamefluidandthesoundofgleefulsingingfilledtheair.Olivermotionedforme

tofollowhim.Isteppedthroughthewallandwaswelcomedbyahundredorsotinyfae.Someofthem

wereflyingoverhead,whileothersdangledfromtheleavesonthetreesabove.Theywerecallingoutand

saying blessed greetings as Oliver and I continued to walk towards a large glowing tree. The tree was

massive,atleastfiftyfeettallandwascoveredinlittleglintinglightsthatshimmeredonthetipsofthe

branches.Itwasmagnificent.

Mabelliohelduphishandandaskedthatwewaitamoment.“Thequeenwillbealongmomentarily.

Canwegetyousomethingtodrink?”heasked.

“Pearjuicewouldbelovely,thankyou,”Oliverreplied.

Mabelliolookedatme.Inoddedquickly.“Thatsoundswonderful,thankyou.”

Ahandfuloffairiesdressedindarkshadesofgreenandgoldgownslandedonmyshoulderandbegan

playingwithmyhair.

“Sopretty,”oneexclaimed.

“Colorful.”

“Soft,”athirdcalledoutandsheranherfingersthroughthestrands.“Weliketocombourhair,do

you?”

Ismiled.“Well,yes,sometimes.”

“Sometimes,”shesaidcuriously.“Doyounotcareforiteveryday?”

“Iwashanddryit,butI’veneverreallybeenbigonstylingitifthat’swhatyoumean.”

“Oh dear,” the three cried out and pulled jewel encrusted combs from hidden pockets within their

dresses.“We’llfixyou,”theysangastheybegantostrokemyhair.

IglancedoveratOliverwhojustgavemeatersesmile.Hewasn’tgoingtobeanyhelp.I’mnotsure

howmuchtimepassedbeforeGolaremergedfromadoorwithinthetreebutonethingwasforsure,Ihad

nowbeenbedazzled.Leavesandfeathershadbeenwovenintomyhair,thankstothethreefaestylists.I

hadsattogetcomfortablewhiletheyplayedwithmylocks,butnowthattheirqueenarrived,theyallrose

andbowed.Ifollowedsuit,ofcourse.

Therewasn’tanypompandcircumstanceasIassumedtherewouldbe,instead,Golarwavedatthe

gatheredcrowdandwalkedtowardsOliverandme.

“Itiswonderfultoseeyouagain,Oliver,”thequeensaidwithahintofgleeinhervoice.

I’mnotsurewhatIexpectedtosee,butshewasfarfromanyassumptionsI’dmade.Golarcouldnot

havebeenmorethansixinchestallandwasdressedinalavishlyrichchocolatebrowngown.Itwashard

tosee,butasshemoved,thethreadonherdresscasthuesoforangeandgold.Iwatchedherintentlyas

sheandOlivercarriedontheirpleasantries.Herhairwashalfwaydownherbackandwasashimmerof

amberandblonde.Herskinwaspale,almosttransparentinthesun,andhervoicesoundedlikepurejoy.

Shewascaptivating.

Thesmallqueenturnedherattentiontomeandflewonhergossamerwingsuntilwewerealmostface

toface.“Andyoumustbe,Novaleigh.”

“Iam,”Irepliedalittletoobreathyandblewthequeenbackwardsabit.“Ohmygosh,Iamsosorry!”

Thequeengiggledandadjustedherdressandhairassheflewbacktowardsme.“Idon’tseemany

yoursize.Ishallmakeaconcessiontomakeourvisitmoreenjoyable.”Sheturnedtotheotherfaeand

said something I didn’t understand, but it was clear she told them to move because they all scattered

immediately.Inaflash,thequeenwasnowastallasIwas.“There,”shesaidwithasmile,“muchbetter.”

“I’mreallysoverysorry.I’mnotusedtomeetingqueensandyouaremysecond––sorry,thirdintwo

days,”Isaidwithaslightcurtsy.

“Thisistrulyourhonor.ItisnotoftenwemeetfavoredchildrenofUnaandUphren.Thankyoufor

visitingourhome.”

Iwasdumbfounded.Shewashonoredtomeetme?Whyonearth?

“Ihave to tellyou, Golar, youare stunningly beautiful. You’realmost hypnotic tolook at and listen

to.”

She smiled and blushed before bowing in my direction. “Your compliments please me greatly. Are

youhungry?”sheaskedOliverandme.

Webothnoddedandfollowedassheturnedtomovetowardsalargebanquettablethathadappeared

out of nowhere. It was covered in greenery, flowers, and every color of leaf you could imagine. There

wereoverflowingtraysfilledwithdecadentfoodsspanningtheentiretable.Whetherthiswasadreamor

not,itreallyrockedatthispoint.ItfeltlikeIwasinthebestfairytalethathadneverbeentold.Andifthat

wasn’tenough,thefaewereturningintolife-sizedhumansastheymadetheirwaytothetable.Ithinkeven

Oliverhadgrownfromhisusualthreefeettoalmostfive.IreallyneedtowritethisdreamdownwhenI

wakeup.Itcouldtotallybeabestseller.Icouldnameit,‘YouCan’tMakeThisShitUp’.

Weallsat,andatoastwasraisedtoOliverandI,andthenanothertothefaequeenandherfamily.It

waslovely,andlively.Afterweate,wedancedandsang,andthenrestedinabedofburgundyleaves.In

thatmoment,Ididn’thaveacareintheworld.MabelliowalkedovertowhereIwaslayingandaskedifI

couldjoinhim,Golar,andOliverinthetree.Weneededtospeakaboutmyvisit.

“Oh.Yes.Ofcourse,”IrepliedasIstumbledtryingtogetoutofthepileofleaves.Mabellioreached

down and pulled me up. He too, was beautiful in a masculine way. Like a perfectly chiseled Armani

model.Hishairwasdarkbrown,almostblack,andhiseyeswereaperfectblendofhazel-greenandgold.

“Thankyou,”IsaidasIdustedmyselfoff.

“Noproblem.”Hepointedtowardsthetreeinthemiddleofthefield.“It’sthisway.”

“CanIaskyousomething?”

Henodded.

“Areallofyouthishypnotic?”

Helaughed.

“I’msorry,Ireallydon’tmeantostare.It’sjustthat,well,yeah,”Istammered.

“It’s our fae essence. Usually it’s less noticeable, but when we are this size, it is amplified, if you

will.”

“Oh.”Isighed.“Youmakemefeeldrunk.”

Helaughedagain.“Thatmaybethefaewineyou’vebeendrinking.”

“Really?Okay,whew.”Ishookmyhead.“Imean,youaregorgeous,butdrunkofflooksseemedabit

shallow.”

“Youareanamusinghuman,MissDarrow.”

“Please,callmeNovaleigh.”

Hetiltedhisheadinaslightbowthenreachedforthedoorhandleontheoutsideofthetree.Iwasso

busystammeringoverMabelliothatIhadn’trealizedwehadreachedourdestination.Heheldopenthe

doorandgesturedwithhishandtowardthespiralstaircasethatwoundintotherootsofthetree.Iusedthe

vine handrail and took each hand-carved step slowly since I was feeling a bit woozy. By the time I

reachedthebottomstepIwasatadoutofbreath.

“Letmegetyousomewater.Theairdownherecanfeelabittightifyouaren’tusedtoit,”Mabellio

offered.

Hewasbackinaflashwithaleafshapedlikeaglassfilledwithicycoldwater.“You’retookind.”

“Pleasesit.”

Isatdowninthechairhepointedtoandsankintoitssoftness.Thechairwasmadeofwovenvines

andwhatlookedlikeaginormousmushroomforacushion.

“Youguyshavethebeststuuuuuufffff,”Islurred.

ChapterSeven

I’m not sure how long I was out, but when I woke, Oliver, Golar, and Mabellio were sitting in the

chairsacrossfromme,conversingasifIhadn’tbeenpassedoutmomentsago.

“I––I’msosorry.Idon’tknowwhathappenedthere.I’msoembarrassed.”

“Don’tbe,”Golarreplied.“Itlooksasthoughyouneededtherestandwe’vebeenenjoyingOliver’s

companyinthemeantime.Howareyoufeeling?”

“Better.Thankyou”

“Sowehavebeentalkingaboutyourjourney,Novaleigh,anditseemsthatyouchosetocometomy

homefirst.Whyisthat?”Golaraskedwithasoftsmile.

MyheartbegantoraceandmythroatfeltasifitwereclosinginonitselfwitheachbreathItook.I

didn’tknowwhyI’dchosenCadentfirst,andIdoubtedmytrueanswerof“Itlookedinterestingandthis

is a crazy whacked out dream so I just followed it” was going to be a proper response. Instead, I sat

theredumfoundedatthequestioningeneral.Thelongerthethreestaredatme,themoreuncomfortableI

became.Inadvertently,Istartedshakingmyheadandthenfinallyfoundmyvoice.

“I really don’t know. I thought it was beautiful from the distance and my heart was drawn to it,” I

finallysaid.

“Exactly.Yourheartwasdrawntoit,”Golarreplied.

“I’mnotsureIunderstand.Idon’tthinktherewasanythingdeepandmeaningfultomychoice.”

“Nottrue.Yourheartwantstoheal,butyourmindisstoppingit.Thetrickistogetthetwotomeldin

unisonsoyoucanfindyourtruehappiness.”

Iclearedmythroat.Hearthammering,handsshaking.“Um,Oliver.Exactlywhatdidyoutellthem?”I

askedpointedly.

Heraisedhishandsintheair.“Itoldthemnothing,Novi.Iswearit.”

“Thenwhydidthislovelyvisitturnintoaninterrogation/therapysession?”

“Ididn’tsayanything,”hepaused.“Youdid.”

“Excuseme?”

Mabelliolookedawayawkwardly,andGolarshiftedinherseat.HadIspilledmygutsinmydrunken

fairystupor?OhGod!Oliverwalkedovertomeandplacedhispawonmyshakyhandsastearsspilled

downmycheeks.

“It’sokay.Weknownowhowtohelpyou,”Oliversoothed.

“PleasetellmewhatIsaid.”Moretearsspilled.“Please.”

“I’llsaythis,weknowaboutGavin.”

“Ohmygod,”Icried.“Whatthehelliswrongwithme?”

“Nothing,” Golar consoled. “With love comes pain and the greater the love, the greater the pain.

Thesearenothingmorethanobstaclesonthelongpathtoyourdestiny,Novaleigh.Itishowyoudealwith

themthatdefinesthemandyou.”

Ishookmyheadfeverishly,hopingthatI’dshakemyselfawakeandoutofthistorture.TalkNovi.Get

out how you feel and you can be free. Fuck all of that. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want

Oliver and Golar’s infinite wisdom. I don’t want to have this conversation. What happened between

Gavinandmeismypersonalburdentobear.Idon’tneeditfixed.Idon’twantitfixed.Iamfullyaware

of the choices I made and the consequences of my decisions. But this here and now, NO! I am not

relivingmyworstmomentstosatisfysomescrewedupnotionofcomingcleantobefree.

Istoodupandheadedforthestairs.“Ineedtogo.Thankyouforthehospitality,butIneedtoleave,”I

blurtedbeforeItookthefirststep.“Andyou.”IpointedtoOliver.“Idon’tneedaguideanymoreeither.”

Iranupthestairswithoutanotherword.WitheachstepItook,thevoicesshoutingatmetocomeback

grewfurtherandfurtheraway.Ipushedopenthedoorandranoutintothedarkness.HowlonghadIbeen

out?Wecameherethismorning.Icontinuedtorun,followingthetwinklinglightsthatwerefloatingin

thetreesaboveme.Ididn’tknowwhattheywere,andatthispoint,Ididn’treallycare.Ijustwantedout.

Thelandscapechangedfromjoyfultodismal.ImusthaveleftGolar’shiddenhomeandwasnowback

intheforestIwasinlastnight.Myheartwasracing,butmyfeetcontinuedtocarrymeawayfromOliver

and his truthsayers. I felt free, as the wind blew through my hair. Maybe you could run yourself into

oblivionandeitherdieorwakeup,eitherway,theoutcomewouldcreateaconclusion.You’resucha

fool,Novaleigh,Ithoughttomyself.

I stopped running when the fall leaves ceased to crunch beneath my feet and the ground, instead,

startedtofeelunsteady.IlookeddownandrealizedIwasstandinginmudwhichwasn’ttheworsepart;

asIglancedaroundtoseewhereIwas,IlearnedIwasn’talone.

There,beforeme,wasapondsurroundedbylargepatchesoftallgrassandspindlytreesthatswayed

gentlywiththecoolbreeze.Inthemiddleofthewaterwasamanhunchedover,boundtotwotreestumps.

Hewasmoaningandinpain.IcouldfeelitfromwhereIstood.Imovedtowardshimbutstoppedwhena

deepvoicespokeinthedarkness.

“Donottouchhim.”

Istoodmotionless,waitingtoseewhoitwas.Itdidn’tsoundlikeMabellio,butwhoelsecoulditbe?

Aslendermalesteppedoutofthetreelineandstoodinthemoonlight.Itookinhisfeaturesandletouta

gasp. I didn’t mean to, but the sight of him took me aback. His face was stark white and crackled like

driedmud,whilehiseyeswerecrimsonandhisteethweresolidblack.

“Whoareyou?”Idaredtoask.

“Thewardenofthislandandthekeeperofthosewhodaretocrossmypath,”hesnarled.“Andwho

mightyoube?”

“I’mjustsomeonewhoseemstohavetakenawrongturn,”Irepliedhesitantly.

“Well,youmustbesomeoneimportant,”hesaidashiseyesflashedtomyhair.

“Iwasgivenfavorbythetwinqueens,UnaandUphren,nothingmore.”

Hesmirkedandtiltedhishead.“Liar.”

“I’mnotlying.Iwasgivenfavor.”

“OfthatIamcertain.Itisthe‘nothingmore’thatIdoubt.”

Iswallowedhard.IwonderedhowmuchleewayIwouldbeaffordedwiththepinkinmyhair.Could

Isavethemanboundinthewaterwithmy‘favor’?“Whyisthismanbound?”

“Whydoyoucare?”

“Becausehelookslikeheisinpain,andIwanttohelphim.”

“Youdon’tseemlikesomeonewhocaresaboutpeopleinpain.Heshouldbeofnoconcerntoyou.”

Ihuffed.Whatanasshole,butthenagainhewasawarden.WhatdidIexpectfromhim,puppiesand

kittens?Iliftedmychinandsteadiedmyshoulders.“Idemandtocheckonthismanandconfirmthathe’s

notbeenmistreated.”

“Youdemand?”thefrighteningmanrepliedashecontinuedtoglareatme.“Hehasbeenmistreated

butnotbyme.Iamjustherewaitingfortheonewhohurthimtoreturn.ItisthemwhomIwishtofind.”

Hewavedhisarmthedirectionoftheboundman.“Bemyguest.”

I stepped out of the muck I’d been sinking in and moved to the water’s edge. Slowly, I trudged

towardsthemanuntilIwascloseenoughtotouchhim.

“Sir.Areyouokay?”

Nothing.Noreply.Itouchedtheman’sshoulderandhewinced.Whathadhappenedtohim?Whywas

heboundlikethis?“I’dliketohelpyou.Canyoulookatme?”Iwaited.“Please?”

Themanmovedabit,hisarmstwistingintherestraints.Hestruggledandgroanedbutfinallyliftedhis

headtolookatme.Igaspedandcoveredmymouth.How?Why?Thisisn’thappening!werethethoughts

thatracedthroughmymindlikelightning.

“Gavin?”

ChapterEight

“Novi?Whyareyouhere?”

“Whyareyouhere?”

The warden growled and pulled something long and shiny out from underneath the cloak he was

wearing.“Ihadafeelingitwasyou,”hesnarled.

“Me?What?Ididn’thurthim.Ijustgothere.”

“His wounds have healed and new ones have been formed. You could easily be his original

perpetrator.Stepawayfromhimandmovetotheshore.”

Ididn’tmove.

“Oryoucandie,”hethreatened.

Just then Oliver and Mabellio came running out of the bushes. “HALT!” Oliver bellowed. We both

turnedtohisboomingvoice.Hewasratherloudforanotter.“YouarestillonCadentlandandyouhave

nojurisdictionhere.LeavebyorderofGolarandthetwinqueens.”

The warden moved the large knife and Mabellio, who was still as tall as a human male, raised his

spearinwarning.Thefreakyfigureturnedbacktomeandflashedavenomousgrinmyway.“We’llmeet

again,Iamcertainofit.YouandIhavemuchtodiscuss,”hesaidjustbeforevanishinginahazeofputrid

yellowdust.

“Whothehellwasthat,andwhatdidIdotopisshimoffsobad?”

“I’llexplainlater.Wemustgo.Itisnotsafehere.”

“Youalwayssaythat,Oliver.I’llexplainlaterandyouneverdo.”

“Yes,yes.Thatmayverywellbe,butbelievemewhenIsayweMUSTgo!”Oliverhissed.“It’snot

safeouthereintheopen.”

“Butwhy?”IdemandedevenasMabellioandOlivertriedtodragmeoutofthewater.

Beforetheycouldanswer,ashrillcryechoedthroughtheforest.Thethreeofusfroze,unsureofthe

directionthesoundcamefrom.Mabelliopulledouthisspear,whileOliverreadiedhisbow.

“Now,Novaleigh.Wehavetogonow!”Mabellioyelled.

“Fine,butI’mnotleavinghimheretodiefromwhatever’sintheforest,”IsaidasIpointedtoGavin.

“Wecan’ttakehim,”Oliverrepliedashestareddownthelengthofthearrow.

“Wehaveto,Oliver.It’sGavin.”

BothOliverandMabelliosnappedtheirheadsinmydirection.

“Gavin?”

Inodded.“AndI’mnotleavingwithouthim.”

Mabellio and Oliver exchanged glances then Mabellio moved to help Gavin out of the restraints. I

tooktheothersideandhelpedtosteadyGavinwhenhefellforwardoncehewasfree.Wecarriedhimout

of the water and onto the shore, following Oliver towards the lit tree line to the left. Oliver remained

readytoletloosehisarrowsintheeventthatwhateverwasmakingthatshrillsoundcrossedourpath.The

soundfollowedusforsometimebeforeitfinallyfadedintothebackground.Mabelliowasdoingamuch

better job at carrying Gavin than I was. I kept dropping my side and we’d all stumble a bit before we

couldcontinueon.

“Canwestophere?”

“No,” Mabellio whispered. “We’re still being watched. We have to get back to our home, and then

Golarandthehealerscanhelpyourfriend.”

Istoppedshort.“Idon’twanttogobackthere.”

Hegavemeanoddlook,butitwasOliverwhoresponded.“DoyouwantGavintodie?”

“No!”

“Thenstopbeingsostubbornandbelligerentandwalkfaster.”

I wanted to lash out at him, retaliate at his brashness, but the sound of branches snapping held my

opinionsandmytongue.Instead,weallmovedfaster.Whenwereachedtheinvisibleentrance,Mabellio

spoke two words in his language and we were instantly transported inside and finally sheltered from

whateveritwasthatwasfollowingus.AsmallgroupoffaeapproachedandtookGavinoutofourhands.

Each one examining him to see the nature of his injuries. The tallest male barked orders and the other

malewavedhishandsinacrisscrossfashion,literallyraisingGavinfromthegrounduntilhewasfree-

floating.Thefemalesproceededtofollowalongbesidehimastheytookhimtoathatchedhutofftothe

right.ItwaslikeamagicalfairyversionoftheER––twodoctorsandthenursesrushingtogettheirpatient

stable.

“Ishegoingtobeallright?”

“They are our best healers. He should be fine,” Mabellio said before gripping my shoulders. “I get

thatyouarenotfromourworldanddonotunderstandwhatissurroundingyou,butwhenOliverandItell

youit’snotsafe,donotargue.Justmove.Youcouldhavegottenusallkilled.”

“I––Ididn’t…”

“No,youdidn’t.Ifyourunoffagain,Iwillnothelptosaveyou.Ihaveafamilyofmyownhere,and

whileyouareimportant,youarenotmoreimportantthantheyare.Doyouunderstandme?”Mabelliosaid

inafirmbutquietvoice.

I didn’t reply, instead I just nodded my head. What the hell was that out there and why was it so

dangerous?Iwondered.

Mabellio walked away without another word, leaving Oliver and I alone. It was several long

momentsbeforeOliverfinallyturnedtolookatme.“Youscaredme,Novaleigh.”

Myeyesflashedtohis,andIsunktotheground.“Okay,butwhy?”IquippedasIputmyhandsinmy

hair.

“Thatmanyoumet,theonewiththepale,crackedface,wastheErlking.Heisthewardenofthein-

betweenandhefeedsoffangerandpain.Ifwehadnotcomealongwhenwedid,Idon’tknowwhathe

wouldhavedonetoyou.”Oliversighed.“Yourenergywasradiatingsomuch,andhewaslookingatyou

asifyouwerehisperfectmeal.”

I lifted my head to look at Oliver. “But he said he was after the one who hurt Gavin. I didn’t hurt

Gavin.Ifoundhimlikethat.Hell,Ididn’tevennowthatwashimuntilIspoketohim.Ijustthoughthe

wassomeinjuredman.”

Oliver stared at me for a brief moment, as if he were trying to find the right words to explain the

situation. He even opened and closed his mouth several times before he actually spoke. “Did you ever

hurtGavin,Novaleigh?”

My mouth gaped open. “Not physically,” I stammered. “He and I…” I stood in one quick motion,

feelingtheneedtorunagain.“It’salongstory,andIdon’twanttotalkaboutit,Oliver.”

“I figured you’d say that,” he said with a slight shake of his head. “We have to stay here until the

Lunatisheefindsomeoneelsetobother.”

“Thewho?”

“Lunatishee.Theyguardtheblackthorntreesandpayhomagetothemoongoddesswiththeirefforts.

Anyone who dares to take anything from their blessed tree is attacked. They are who was in the forest

followingus.Theyhatehumansandrelishtheopportunitytopoisonthemwiththethornyspikesontheir

skin,”Oliverexplainedashesatdownbesideme.“Buttheirpoisoncanaffectustoo,justdifferentlythan

yourkind.”

“I’msorry,”Iwhispered.“WillGavindie?”

“Ican’tsayforcertain,buthewasinbadshape.”

Ibitmybottomlip,hopingtocontaintheacheinmychest.“Wait.Ididn’ttouchanytrees.Whywould

theyhaveattacked?”

“You didn’t, but the Erlking did. He loves to cause mischief. He cut the branches and used them to

bindGavin.Then,allhehadtodowaswait.GavinwouldbeattackedandhispainwouldfueltheErlking

foratime,butthenyoucamealong.”

“ButhowdidheknowIwouldcomealong,oranyoneforthatmatter?”Iquestioned.

“Energy.Sacrifeisameccaforit.Allthingshereemitsomesortoffrequency,somemorethanothers.

When you ran out of Golar’s home and left the security of this place you offset the balance. The rift is

whathefelt,thenyou,alongwiththeLunatishee,becamehispawns.”

“CanIgohomenow?Please?”

Hegrinnedslightly.“No.Notuntilyouacknowledgeyourpainandmovepassedit.”

“Thisiscrap,Oliver.Idon’twanttofaceanything.Idon’tneedtobefixed.”

“Novaleigh, you have fallen out of focus. Lost sight of who you are and what you truly want to be.

You’velivedtoolongwiththeideathatyourchoicetofollowyourcareerwasthecorrectone.”

“Howdoyouknowthis?”Iwhined.

Hegavemeasidewaysglance.“Itoldyou.Youtoldusallwhenyouwereinyourdreamstate.Itwas

neverourintentiontospy,butyouweretalkinginyoursleep.It’snormalforyourkindtoworkthrough

yourpaininyourdreams,”Oliveroffered.

Iwrungmyhandstogether.“IhatethatIdidthat.”

“Butyoudid,soletmehelpyou.”

“Okay.Fine.Thenpleasetellmewhychoosingmyselfforonceinmylifeandwantingtopursuemy

dreamswasabaddecision?”

“It wasn’t. You lost your way when you made it the most important thing in your life. Tell me this,

whatdidyoulosewhenyoumadethechoicetoleaveScotlandandgotoNewYork?”

Iswallowedhard.Whatthehell?Wasfairywineafriggin’truthserumtoo?It’slikeIspilledmyguts.

Hell,Ineverevenkeptadiaryforfearthatsomeonemightstumbleuponitonedayandinstantlyknowall

mydeepestanddarkestsecrets,andyetthreeglassesoffairywineandI’dsanglikeadamncanary?

“Alot.Mybestfriendforone,andthenmymomwasdisappointedwhenIdecidedtomovebackto

NewYorkwithmydadinsteadoffollowinghertoGlasgow.Bythattimetheywereofficiallydivorced.

Partofmeblamedherforhimleaving,butIrealizedafterawhilewhymymomhadhadenough.”Ishifted

on the ground and made myself a little more comfortable. Guess it’s truth telling time. “My dad was

temperamentalandwantedtolivealifewithoutanyattachments.Atfirst,hewantedmetocomewithhim

to spite my mom, but when the reality of him having to manage a not-quite-adult set in, he found it

tiresome.Hewasgonemorethanhewasaround.Ieventuallygraduatedfromcollegeandfoundagreat

jobandmovedout.Hewaselated.ItwasthenthatIknewbeyondashadowofadoubtthatmymomhad

chosentoliveherlifeinpeaceinsteadofaccordingtomydad’swhims.”

“That’salotinandofitself,butthatwasnotall,nowwasit?”Oliverasked.

“No.”Ibitmylipagain.“WhenIleftScotland,IleftmygrandparentsandGavintoo.”Ilookedover

atOliver,hopingtobeabletostopatthatfirstbatchoftruth,butinsteadofapass,hejustwaitedsilently

formetocontinue.“You’renotgonnaletmeoffwithanythingbriefareyou?”

Heshookhishead.“Sorry.”

“Iwasveryclosetomygrandparents,andIspentalmosteverydaywiththem.Theyweremydad’s

parents,butmymomwasclosetothemtoo.Infact,shewasclosertothemthantheyweretotheirown

son.Hewasdistantandcold.MymomandIwerewarmandloving.Itwastheperfectcombination.When

mydadleft,theyweremymom’ssupportsystem.ShewasAmericanbutmovedtoScotlandandgained

hercitizenshipafteratime.She’saprofessorattheUniversityofGlasgow.She’sanamazingartistanda

wonderfulteacher.Herstudentsadoreher.”Ismiled.

“Whydidyouchooseyourfatheroverherthen?”

Isatforamoment,ponderingOliver’squestion.WhyhadIchosenhimoverher?Ididn’treallyhavea

reason.I’mveryclosetomymom.Italktoherallthetime,andshe’salwaysbeenmybiggestadvocate,

evenwhenIpushedheraway.Iwasangry,though,andhadwantedtolashout.Ichosetotakeitouton

her.“Whatisitthattheysay?Youalwayshurttheonesyou’reclosesttooorsomethinglikethat.”Ichoked

onmywords.“Shewasmysafeplacetofall,butIdidn’twantanyonetocatchmethen,Ijustwantedto

run.”

Two female fairies flitted towards us, waving their arms frantically and talking in a squeaky high-

pitched tone that was practically inaudible. I assume it was harder to understand them since they were

their true size as opposed to mine, but Oliver seemed to make out what they were saying and stood to

followthem.WhenIdidn’tmoverightaway,Olivergavemeadirtylookandwavedmeon.

“Sorry.Coming,”Isassed.

We finally made it to a clearing and continued to follow the fairies as they flew to a large cottage.

MabellioandGolarwerewaitingnearthedoorwhenwegotthere.MyheartsankthemomentIsawtheir

faces.

“What’swrong?Where’sGavin?”

MabelliograbbedmyshouldersasItriedtobargethroughthedoor.“He’sfine.”Hepaused.“Now.”

“OhmyGod,”Icried.“Iwanttoseehim.”

Golarspokeinacalm,soothingtone.“Youmay,butunderstandhewillneedtimetohealbeforehe

canjourneyanywhere.Youbotharewelcometostay,alongwithOliver,ofcourse,untilheisable.”

I nodded my head quickly. “Thank you.” I started to walk through the doorway but turned back

towardsGolarandMabellio.“Doyouknowhoworwhyheisevenhere?Iamutterlyconfused.Thisis

mydream.Mynightmare.Howisheapartofthat?”

“I’mnotcertainIcananswerthat,Novaleigh,butIsuspectthatyoucan,”Golarreplied.

“Me?HowwouldIknow?Idon’tevenunderstandhowI’mhere.”Ishookmyheadinconfusionand

pushedopenthedoor.Iwalkeddownasmallcorridorandsawhimlyingthere,onawoodenbed.There

werefairiesflyingaroundcheckinghimeveryfewseconds.Itwasoddandconfusingandwhilemymind

wastryingtocomprehendwhatwashappening,thelogicalpartofmybrainwastryingtoconnectthedots

tosomethingrealistic.ThewayGavinwaslaying,slightlyproppedup,andthewaytheywerecaringfor

him,itseemedasthoughitwashospitalofsorts.Iamseriouslylosingmymind.Yes,mybestfriend,sort

ofalmostfiancé,islyinghereinafairyhospitalinthemiddleofwhoknowswhere,beingtreatedfor

wounds in a land I’ve created in my mind. Yep, totally lost it. Congratulations on your insanity,

Novaleigh.You’vehitthejackpotthistime.

A human looking fae walked in as I stood next Gavin. At first he didn’t even acknowledge me but

finallylookedinmydirection.“Ishegoingtobeokay?Hehasn’topenedhiseyes,”Iasked.

“Thewoundsonhiswristsweredeepandinfected,butwegavehimaspecialmixtureofturmeric,

goldenrod, and yarrow. Also, Golar used her healing magic to help speed up the healing in his entire

body.I’mnotsurewhenhewillwake,buthewascallingoutyournameearlier.Itwillbegoodforhim

thatyou’rehere.”

IreachedforGavin’shand,carefulnottotouchtheblendofleavesandflowerscoveringhisgashes,

andheldit.Ineededtofeelhim,knowhewasreal.Hestirredbutimmediatelyfellquietagain.Themale

faestartedtowalkoutoftheroom,butIstoppedhim.“Thankyou.”

HegaveaclippednodandleftGavinandIalone.

Irubbedmythumboverthebackofhishand.“Howdidwegethere?”

ChapterNine

Mom:I’msendingyouaplaneticket.

Islowlyreachedformyphoneandtextedmymomback.

Novi:Momwe’vetalkedaboutthisandI’mtoooldtomovehomeandmoochoffyou.I’llgetit

together.Promise.

Mom: Nonsense. It will only be temporary. I know you’re just in a tough spot at the moment,

andIwanttohelp.

Istaredatherwords,knowingshewasrightbutwasunwillingtoadmitittoherormyself.Iguess

Itooktoolongtorespondtomymom’stextsbecausethenextonescameinrapidsuccession.

Mom:Ithinkyouneedtogo’home’torenewyourself.

Mom: The house is empty right now, and I can make one quick call and have Duncan get the

placereadyforavisit.

Mom:Youcanstayaslongasyouwant.Nostringsattached.

Mom:Andbeforeyousaynoagain,rememberitwasalwaystheplacethatcenteredyou.

Tearsstartedtowellinmyeyes.Shewasright––again.

‘Home’wasScotland.NotwhereIwasbornbutwheremyheartwas.Itwas,andalwayswillbe,the

place I loved most in the world. Words like peace and tranquility were what came to mind when I

thoughtoftheIsleofSkye.

Novi:Iwantto,Mom,butIhavebillstopay,andIreallyneedtokeepsearchingforanewjob.

Letmethinkaboutit.

Novi:Andthankyou,Momforalwaysbelievinginme!ILY

Mom:Loveyoutoo,Novaleigh.

Wow,shemustreallybeworriedifshe’susingmyfullnameinatext.GuessIshoulddomorethan

justthinkaboutheroffer,butitwasn’twithoutitshassles.Leavemyapartment,findsomeonetowater

myplants,andtravelacrosstheworldjustforsome“RandR”?Imean,itseemsabitextremewhen

youthinkaboutit.Ihadjusthitaroughpatch.Icanhandleit.Thistooshallpass,andI’llfindan

evenbetterjob.

Irolledoverandstaredattheclock.10:43am.Usually,bythispointinmyday,Iwould’vealready

answeredallmyemails,checkedoffhalfofmy“todo’s”,andstartedonthelatestmanuscriptinthe

slushpile.AslushpilesolargethatIhadtomoveitfromthewoodeninboxonmydesktoanactual

box I set on the floor next to the window in my office. It was always there, looming over me, but it

never felt like work. I loved it when another manuscript was dropped off, awaiting perusal and

approval. In fact, I got a kick out of the different ways authors used to get someone to notice their

work above all the others in the stack. I’d make it a game––finish a book, draft my notes into a

Word.doc and attach them to the front with a sticky note before handing them over to their next

destination.SomewenttoMr.Klineforfurtherreview,whilesomewenttoSusantofillintheproper

namesintherejectionformletter.

AtthatpointI’dplay"Eeny,meeny,miny,moe”tochoosemynextread.Ihadtoreadthemalland

decidingwhowasworthyofbeingreadfirstseemedheartlesstotheauthorwhohadspentcountless

hourswritingwhattheybelievedtobeaperfectmasterpiece.Soinstead,IletfatedecidewhatbookI

woulddelveinto.Igaveeachonemyundividedattention,andsinceIwasaspeedreader,Icouldgo

through at least three books a week, if not more. But now, here I am, staring at the clock and

wonderingifIhadanythingedibleinmyfridgetohaveforasnack.

Ipickedupmyphoneagain,paused,andthenacted.Enoughwasenough.

Novi:Pleasetellmehowmuchtheticketcostsandyouhaveadeal.

Ihitthesendbuttonandsighed.Admittingdefeatwasnotmystrongsuit.

Mom:Paythecourierwhentheydeliverthepackageandwe’llcalliteven.:PAndifyouarestill

there,I’lljoinyouoverthespringholiday.OXOXO

Igrinned.

Novi: Well, hopefully I’ll have my act together before then, Mom, but if not, I’d love to spend

sometimewithyou.Imissyouterribly.IthinkthelasttimeweweretheretogetherwasatNanna’s

funeral.Bettermemorieswouldbegreat.

Mom:Yestheywould.I’llseeyousoonandtalktoyousooner.Gottorun.Classisabouttostart.

Novi:<3

Ilookedaroundmyapartmentandwonderedwheretostartfirst.ThetemperaturesinScotlandthis

timeofyearwerenottoodifferentfromthetemperatureshereinNewYork,butImayneedafewthings

Iwouldn’tneedhere.Timetomakeashoppinglist.

“Novaleigh.Novaleigh,”Oliverrepeatedasheshookmeawake.“LetmesitwithGavinandyougo

getsomerest.”Ishookmyhead,butheinsisted.“Please.You’retalkinginyoursleepagain,”hesaidwith

asadsmile.

Ihadn’tevenrealizedIfellasleep.IlookedupandsawMabelliowaitingbythedoor.“Letmeescort

youtoyourtemporarydwelling.”

Inoddedsleepilyandwalkedtomeethim.“Youknow,I’vetakenalotofyourtimetoday.Yourfamily

mustbemissingyou.”

Mabelliogrinned.“Mywifeisanunderstandingwoman,herandthechildren.”

“Nonetheless, please thank her for me. I don’t know how I could ever repay everyone’s kindness

here.”

“That’snothowweare,Novaleigh.Wedothingsbecauseit’stherightthingtodo,notbecausewe’re

expectingsomethinginreturn,”Mabellioreplied.

Ismiled.“Mynannausedtosaythattoo.”

Heturnedandledmetowardsalargeoaktreeattheedgeoftheclearing.Itwasamassivetreewitha

windowjuttingoutofthemiddleofit.Itevenhadalitlamppostoutfrontandadoorthatmaybecameto

mywaistwithaknockerhandleinthecenter.Ilookedathimandheleaneddowntoopenthedoor.“It’s

biggerthanitlooks.Thestairswilltakeyouupstairstothemaindwelling.OliverorIwillcomegetyou

ifthereisanychangeinGavin.Pleasejustrest.Nooffense,butyoulookexhausted.”

IcouldonlyimaginehowIlookedifitcomparedtohowIwasfeeling.I’dtriedtobestrongforso

longanditwascatchingupwithme.Theworldfeltheavy,andI’dbeencarryingitforsometimenow.

Mabelliowasright.Ineededtosleep.Ontheupside,maybeI’dwakeupandbehomeandGavinwould

besafeandsoundinScotland.

“Thankyouagain,Mabellio.”

“I’llseeyouinthemorning.”

Mybrowscreasedinconfusion.“Whattimeisitanyway?”

“It’sthemiddleofthenight.”

“Wow,okay.Idoneedsomesleep.”

“Thelightswillgooutonceyou’reinbed.Offsemarwillturnthemoutforyou.Heisournightfairy

andthewatchmanoverthevillage.You’resafehere,Novaleigh.Findpeaceinthat.”

Ipulleddownonmysleeves,tryingtocovermyhandsbeforeIcrossedthemovermychest.“I’lltry.”

Iclosedthedoorandwalkedupthestairswhereanopenspaciouslivingroomawaitedme.Itwasn’t

justalivingroom,though,ithadahugecanopybeddrapedinlayersofsoftfabric.Itlookedlikeasmall

loft apartment and reminded me of my friend’s place in Soho. The room was a mixture of eclectic and

earthy,cleanandsimple,buthomey.Itwasbeautiful.Littlewhitelightsweredrapedintheraftersandlit

theroomwithasoftglow.Mabelliomayhavebeenright.Iwassafehere,oraleastIfeltlikeitinthis

moment.

Islippedoutofmyshoesandranmyhandsoverthefurblanketattheedgeofthebed.Myeyeswere

wearyjustthinkingaboutfallingintoitscoziness.Ipulledbackthecoversandslidintothemostperfect

bedIthinkI’deversleptin.Isighed,closedmyeyes,andletmymindwander.Ineededtounderstand

howIgothere.Ineededtoretracemystepsthatledmetothisplace––ledGavinandItothisplacemore

accurately.

ChapterTen

The journey home to Scotland had been long and arduous, but I had made it. I was home, well not

technically,butcertainlytheplacewheremysoulsang.Irecalledthenightmaresthatbroughtmehere;Mr.

KlineandEthan...Ethanwouldcalldailybeggingmetoforgivehimwithgrandgesturesofhisloveinthe

formoffloralarrangements.Asifflowerscoulderasethememoryofyourboyfriendbanginghisintern.

All while Mr. Kline continued to pull strings behind closed doors that continued to leave me on the

unemployedlist.Thehitsjustkeptcoming.

IfoundoutrightbeforeIleftthatMr.KlinehadtoldeveryoneIintentionallydeceivedhimregarding

thestateofthemanuscriptsIreviewed.Accordingtohim,Igavehimtheworstandpassedonthebest,

sellingthemtootherpublishersforcash.AboldfacelieifI’deverheardone.Therewasonemanuscript,

whichIloved,butwaswickedlyreprimandedbyMr.Klineforevensuggestingitgotoprint.Ilovedthe

storysomuchthatafterhedeclineditandtherejectionletterwassent,Imadeabriefcalltoacompeting

agencytoletthemknowtheauthorsnameandbooktitle.AllIdidwassimplysay“itmightbesomething

theyshouldreadforthemselves.”ItwasnotmyfaultKlinepassedonitanditbecameaNYTBestseller.

Hewasthefool,notme.

However,Ionlydidthatonce.Mr.KlinewasimplyingIhadmadeahabitofitandtookcashforitto

boot,andnowpublishinghousesandagentsweresecondguessingwhetherornottheyshouldhireme.I

wasofficiallyblackballedforbeingwiseenoughtoseetalentwhenIreadit.Icouldn’thelpbutwonderif

thiswasthefinalshoe––thelastofmybadluck.Problemwas,thatevenifitwastheend,Iwasstillinthe

sameposition.Jobless.So,Ipackedupandtookmymom’sofferandwenthometoScotlandtogetmyshit

together.

“Miss,we’realmosthere,”thedriversaidasweturnedontotheroadtowardthemainhouse.

I was immediately filled with emotion, some joyous, while others were nothing but sorrow. This

homeandthislandwouldalwaysholdbothjoyandsorrowforme.Somanymemoriesbeganhereand

endedhere.IhopemymotherwasrightthatthisplacewouldcentermesoIcouldgetbackonmypath.

Thecarslowedthenstoppedjustasamistofrainstartedtofallonthewindshield.“Letmegrab

anumbrellaforyou.”

“That won’t be necessary. I don’t mind getting wet,” I replied as I rummaged for some cash.

“Thankyousomuchforbringingmehere.”Ipaused.“I’msosorry,Ineveraskedyouyourname.”

“BrodyAndarsan.Pleasedtaemeetye.”

“Pleasedtomeetyouaswell,Mr.Andarsan.”

“Brody,”saidashehelpedmeoutofthebackseat.

“Thankyou.”

“No one has been here in such a long time. Are you kin or have they taken to renting out the

place?”heaskedasheunloadedmybagsfromthetrunk.

“NeilandMaureenweremygrandparents.”Ismiled.“AndI’mfairlycertainifsomeonewereto

tryandrentthishouse,theywouldcomeoutofthegravetohauntusall.”

Webothlaughedandmadeourwaytotheporch.

“Aye,thenyoumustbeNovaleigh.Thewholetownknowsofye.”

“Oh,wellthatcan’tbegood.”

Brody grinned. “No, your mother and grandparents only spoke well of ye. It’s nice to put a face

withthestories.”

“Ifyousayso,”IsaidasIhandedBrodyahandfulofcash.“Ihopetherestofyourdayisblessed

andnottoowet.”

“Thankye.Staydryyourself.”

IwaiteduntilBrodyturnedthecararoundandheadedbackdowntheroadbeforeIremovedthe

brick hiding the key in the stone facing. As I turned the lock, the door opened outward without me

doingathing.Whatthe…

“Gavin?”

“Novaleigh!”

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”

“Well,Icouldaskthesame.IthoughtIwaspreparingtheplaceforyourmom.”

“Wait,what?Whereisyourfather?”

“I’vebeenhelpinghimoutlately,”hesaidashemovedoutofthewaytoletmein.“Whatbrings

youhere?IthoughtyouwereinNewYork.”

IgrabbedoneofmybagsandsteppedintothehousejustasGavinmovedtopickuptheothertwo

sittingonthestep.“Iwasbuthadafewthingshappenthathadmeneedingtomakesomechanges.I’m

justhereforabit.”

“I’msorrytohearthat,”Gavinsaidashesetthebagsinthehallway.

Iturnedandlookedathim.IthadbeenyearssinceI’dseenGavin,anddespitethescruffybeard

andlonghairhewassporting,helookedthesame.Deepsetcrystal-greeneyesanddarkbrownhair

withahintofcurlnowthatitwaslonger.

“You’restaring,Novaleigh.”

Iblushedandsteppedtowardhim.“Sorry.I’mjustintriguedbythisnewdoofyours.”Ireached

forhishair.“Weren’tyoualwaysagainsttheragtaglook?”

Gavinmovedabitcloser,leavingonlyanarm’slengthdistancebetweenus.“Thingschangeandso

haveI.”

“Timehasawayofdoingthat.”Isighed.

“It’sgoodtoseeyou,Novi.”

“Goodtoseeyoutoo,Gavin.”

“I’vegottobeonmyway.Ifyouneedanything,youknowthenumber.”

Ibitmylip.“Yep.Gotit.”

Gavinturnedtoleave,andIwasrightbehindhimsoIcouldclosethedoorwhenhewalkedout,

buthestoppedshortandturnedbackaround.Ibumpedstraightintohim,ourfacesclose,tooclose,at

thispoint.

“I’vemissedyou,”Gavinwhispered.

Istoodthere,stockstill,andunsureofwhattosay.Imean,Ihadalottosaybutwasn’tsureofthe

rightwordstousetoexplainhowItrulyfelt.

“Ididn’treallythinkI’dseeyouagain,butnowthatyou’reheremaybewecanhaveapintand…

youknow,catchup.”

Iswallowedhard.“Idon’tknow,Gavin.I’mkindofscreweduprightnow,andIdon’tknowthat

I’minagoodplacementallyforanything.You’ddobesttosteerclearofmetobehonest.”

“Yousaidthatlasttimetoo,andyethereweareagainatacrossroads.”Hekissedmeonthecheek.

“IthinkI’llletfatedecidewherethisisgoinginstead.”Hesmiledandwalkedoutthedoor.

Tearsfilledmyeyesthemomentheleft.Thehistorybetweenuswaslong.Wegrewupknowingone

another,remainedclosefriendsuntilthedaywecrossedthatfriendshiplineandtriedforsomething

more.Inthebeginningitwasperfect,untilitwasn’t.Istruggledwithusbeingmore.I’dlivedinthe

states when all this started. Summer loves were always romantic but incredibly unrealistic when

summers eventually ended and our lives would carry on but never in the same place. We loved each

other for sure, but I was convinced we couldn’t last. When my mom and I permanently moved to

Scotland,GavinandIweresophomoresinhighschool.Wewereyoungandnaïve,andnomorethan

twocharactersinaromancenovellivinginadream.ThemomentItookofftherose-coloredglasses

andstartedtoseetherelationshipforwhatitwas,Igotcoldfeet.

MomhadmovedtoGlasgowandtakentheprofessorpositionshewasoffered,andDadwasstill

backinNewYorkdoinghisusualoddjobshereandthere.ItwasthenthatIdecidedtomakethemove

toNewYork.IthoughtifIhadonemoresummerwithGavinIcouldeaseoutof“us”,butthatwasn’t

howitallhappened.Gavinhadmadeplansforus––permanentones.

IwouldgowithhimtotheUniversityofGlasgow.I’dbeclosetomymomandwe’dbetogether.I

don’tknowthatIcanreallysaywhyIleftlikeachickenshitandranbacktoNewYorkwithoutsaying

goodbye,otherthanIwantedtorebelagainstanythingandanyonewhowantedtocontrolmychoices.

Iwasangryatmyparents.Madthatmyworldhadtobeflippedonitsaxisbecausetheycouldn’tget

along.Itwasstupidandselfish,butthat’swhatwearewhenwe’reinourlateteens.Wethinkweknow

everythingbutwedon’t.We’reclueless.Ihadtolearnthehardway.Iwantedmylessonsservedwith

sharp,jaggededges.IstartedatNYUandpretendedthatGavinandIwerejustnothingmorethana

youngcrush.Itoldmyselfthatlieeverydayforthenextsevenyears.ThenImetEthan,andwell,we

allknowhowwellthatworkedout.

Gavin,accordingtomynanna,washeartbrokenwhenIleftandmovedtoGlasgowanywaytoget

hisdegreeinbusinessmanagement.Mygrandparentswereclosewithhisfamily,sowheneverItalked

tothem,they’dmakesuretofillmeinonGavin’slife,andIcanonlyassumetheyfilledhiminonmine.

Though, back then, I doubted he cared very much, since I’d hurt him so badly. However, the way he

actedjustnowtowardsmehasmewondering.

MynannaalwayssaidGavinwastheonewhosawtherealmeandcherishedit;thathewasmy

querencia.Atthetime,Idismissedhernotions,butasIdatedothermenandmovedonthroughlife’s

challenges,Irealizedthatshemayhavebeenright.Gavinhadalwaysbeenthereforme,wasalwaysa

constantIcouldcounton,andIfoolishlydismissedhimasachildishlove.Truthbetold,hemeantway

morethanthattome,Iwasjustneverhonestenoughwithmyselftoadmitit.Oddhowfatehasbrought

meonceagainintohispathandatyetanothercrossroadinmylife.

Aknockatthedoorstartledme.“Novi,it’sme.Iforgottoopenthechimneyflue,andIdon’twant

youtobesmokedoutofthehousetonight,”Gavinsaidthroughthecloseddoor.

Iwipedmyeyesfromthetearsthatweredampeningmycheeksandunlockedthedoor.“Thankyou.

YouknowIwould’vestoodtheredumbfounded,tryingtofigureitout.”

He laughed. “Maybe I should’ve left it then, and you would’ve had to call me to save you.” I

grinnedandshookmyheadashemovedtowardsthedrawingroom.“Butthenagain,Iknowhowmuch

youhatetheideaofneedingtobesavedandsparedusboththefrustration.”

Ishookmyheadslowly,knowingthatisexactlyhowIwouldhavefelt.“ThenIguessmythankyou

willhavetosufficethen.”

Gavin gave a clipped nod and then moved to open the flues in the rest of the house. When he

openedtheothertwoheturnedtolookatme.“Whyhaveyoubeencrying?”

“I––Ihaven’tbeen.”

“Youstutterwhenyoulie.”

Isighed.“Thishouse.You.Thememorieswithinthesewalls.Pickone,they’reallcatalysts.”

“Igettheotherthings,butwhyme?”

“Because,I’msorryGavin.SorryIhurtyouallthoseyearsago.Youdidn’tdeserveit.”

I think Gavin was taken aback by my words because now it was he who was stammering for

somethingtosay.“Guessthatwasjustourdestinyorfateorwhatevertheycallit,”herepliedashe

headedforthedoor.“Don’tletthememoriesofanyofthisdrownyou,Novi.Ourliveshaveunfolded

asintended––life,death,love,loss,theyareallpartofit.”

Tearsspilledfrommyeyes.“Yeah,Iguessso.”

Gavin turned to look at me. “Whatever has brought you here can be healed, you just have to let

yourself be vulnerable enough to allow it.” He turned the handle and walked out the door without

anotherword,leavingmeshattered.

I could see in his eyes the desire to comfort me, but his pain held him in place. Maybe I’m the

problem. Had I pushed Ethan away too and into the arms of his intern? Was my resistance to not

wantingtobecontrolledthereasonIwasnowjoblesstoo?It’snotunreasonabletobelieveIwasthe

causeofallmyproblems.Myprideandmyegowereofteninmyway,butIcouldargueit’sinmost

twenty-five-yearoldsway,right?Don’tweallbelievewehavetheworldbytheballsuntilsomething

happenstoshowusotherwise?Ilockedthedooragain,surethatGavinwouldn’tbereturningtonight

andtookmybagstotheupstairsguestroom.

Twoandahalfglassesofwineandalingeringfirehadawayofwarmingthesoul,well,notreally,

butatthispointIcouldconvincemyselfofanything.Inreality,allI’dmanagedtodowasdullthepain

that wanted to consume me. Gavin’s words had opened old wounds. Little fissures cracking and

splitting, threatening to release all I’ve tried so hard to contain. I’m breaking even though I know I

can’tallowit.Imustbestrong.Myemotionsneedtohold.Thisisjustanothermomentintime.Another

roadtotravel.Thesepastfewweekswouldnotdefinemeanymorethanmypastwould.Imadechoices,

notalwaystherightones,butImadechoices,andnowhereIamfacetofacewithsomeofthem.

A knock at the door woke me, and I stumbled out of bed and down the stairs to the door. When I

openedittherewerefourfaewomenholdingtraysfilledwithfoodanddrink.

“Goodmorrow,miss.Webringyounourishmentandgoodtidingsthisday,”thetallestonesaidwitha

cheerfulgrin.

“Yes,andinformationaboutyourfriend,”theblondeoneblurted.

“Heiswell,”thegingerhairedoneinterrupted.“SirOliversaidtobringyouovertothecliniconce

youwerefinishedeatingandreadyfortheday.”Shesmiledwide.

Ichuckledandsteppedasideforthemtoenter.“Thisisverykindofyou.Itsmellsdelicious.”

“Youmusteateverythingorelsewecannottakeyouout,”thelastfaewomansaidinashybutloud

whisper.

“Okay,thenIguessIbettergetstarted.”Isatdownatthemushroomshapedwoodentable.“Whatdo

wehavehere?”IaskedasIsmelledthedrinkintheleafcup.

“Fairywine,”theyexclaimed.

“Ohno!Nottouchingthat.LastnightIdidn’tdosowellonyourfairywine.”

Theyfrowned.“Iguesswecanmakeanexception,”thetallonesaidasshesnappedherfingersatthe

blonde.“Gogetsomeblueberryjuice.Thatwillbeperfectinstead.”

Inaninstanttheblondechangedintohertruesizeandflittedofftograbthejuice.

“Youdidn’thavetodothat.Iwasfinewithallthis.”Ismiled.

“”Blueberryjuicewillcureallthatails,miss.”

Isighed.“Allright.Fairenough.”Istartedtoeatthebiscuitsandberriesandclosedmyeyeswhenthe

flavorsburstinmymouth.“Ohmygosh,thisisheavenly.”

Thefaewomencollectivelybeamed.

Theblondereturnedshortlythereafter,carryingaglassbottlefilledwithabrightpurpleliquid.“Sorry

Itooksolong.Ihadtosqueezeyouafreshbatch,”shesaidasshehandedittome.“Ihopeyoulikeit.”

“Icanassureyouthatifit’sanythinglikethefoodyouallhavebrought,Iwillloveit,”IrepliedasI

tookthebottlefromher.

ThefourfairiestidiedtheroomasIgotmyacttogether.Theydidn’thavemirrorshere,butIdidmy

besttomakemyselffeelpresentable.Ifeltlikeatruckhitme,buttherewasnotimetodwellonthat.I

wantedtogettotheclinicandcheckonGavin.Ithinkit’stimetotryandexplaintohimwhyItreatedhim

thewayIdidallthoseyearsago.IthankedthefaewomenagainasIheadeddownthestairsandoutthe

door. I hoped Gavin was awake and ready to see me like he was when I first got home to Scotland.

However,atthispoint,allIhadwashope.

ChapterEleven

WhenIwalkeddownthecorridortowhereI’dlastseenGavin,myhandsbegantoshake.WhywasI

sonervous?ItwasGavinforcryingoutloud.Thepersonwhoknewmebestinthisworld.ThecloserI

got, the slower I walked. You can do this. The clinic was buzzing today with fae––men and women,

humansizedandfairysizedalike.Theywerenotbusywithpatientsbutratherwereworkingingroupsto

make what look like medicine. Flowers and roots were being cut and crushed into powders and gels,

whileotherswerebeingheldoversmallflames.Wow.Iguessthisreallyisahospitalofsorts.

IcontinuedtowalkuntilIfoundwhereGavinandOliverwere.Hemust’vebeenwellenoughtomove

himbecausetheywerebothsittinginawell-litroomwithcouchesandchairs.

“Hi,”Isaidtothemboth.

“Goodmorning,Novi,”Oliverreplied.

Gavin looked up at me and then turned away. My palms starting sweating. This was the reception I

expected from him in Scotland, but no, instead, I got to experience his cold shoulder now, here in this

bizarreplace.Youdeserveanythingandeverythinghegivesyou.

“It’sgoodtoseeyouupandaround,Gavin,”Istruggled.“Andhowareyouthismorning,Oliver?”

“I’mwell,”Oliverrepliedashetookasipfromthecupinfrontofhim.“Youstilllooktired.”

“Isleptsome,”IsaidasIfidgetedwithmyshirtandlookedforaplacetosit,orifIwastruthful,hide.

Olivertookanothersipofhisdrinkandthenstood.“IthinkI’llgogetsomerestmyself.I’mcertain

youtwohavealottotalkabout,”hesaidbeforehetookhisleave.

TheairwasthickandheavybetweenGavinandme.Hecontinuedtostareoutthewindow,andIfelt

nauseous.Wewerequitethepair.Myvoicecracked.“Sohow…howareyoufeeling?”

Hedidn’tturntolookatme.Insteadhejustmumbled.“I’mfine.”

“Iwassurprisedtoseeyouhere,”Istammered.“Howareyouhere?”

He scoffed. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to intrude upon you.” He finally looked my way, but now I was

wishinghe’dcontinuedtostareoffintothedistance.Hewasangry,andIdidn’treallyblamehim,but…

well,Iwantedthistobeacivilconversation.

“That’snotwhatImeant.I––Ijustdidn’texpecttoseeyouhereandboundinaswamp.”

“Itwasn’taswampandhowdoyouknowIdidn’twanttobethere?”

Iflinched.“What?Whatisthatsupposedtomean?”

“Itmeans,NovaleighthatthehellIwasin,”hepaused,“currentlyin,isbetterthanthehellIwasin

whenyouleftme.”

Dagger.Heart.Soul.

Ilookedaway.“Iknow.I’msorry,”Imumbled.

“Sorry. You’re sorry? For what exactly?” he snapped. “Never having the guts to tell me the truth?

Leavingandnevercallingtoexplainthatyou’reselfishandself-serving?Orsimplysorry.”

Tearsstartedtostreamdownmyface.WhatcouldIsayback?Hewasrightonallcounts.Iwasallof

those things and more. I wiped my eyes before the drops slid down my chin. They were coming faster

now,though,themoreIletGavin’swordssinkin.

“I’msorry,Gavin.Itrulyam.”

“I’msureyouare,Novaleigh,butitchangesnothing.”

“You’reright,”Istruggled.“I’llleaveyoube.”

Hescoffedandmovedtostandbutlosthisfooting.Iwascloseenoughtocatchhimwhichwashelpful

but not wanted. As soon as he could, he pushed out of my arms and used the back of a chair to steady

himself.“Idon’twantorneedyourhelpanymore.Wemaybehereinthisplacetogether,butthatisjust

geography.Youneedtogoandfindyourwayawayfromme,awayfromhere.”

Inodded.“Understood.”

Gavinlimpedovertothewindowandturnedhisbacktome.ThiswasexactlywhatIexpected,andI

didn’t bother to argue. I moved to leave but paused before I made it to the opening to the corridor. “I

didn’tknowthatyouwerethemanbound.Ijustwantedtohelp.WhenIfoundoutitwasyou…Icouldn’t

letyousuffer.I’mjustgladyou’reokay.”

Silence.

Ileftwithoutanotherword.

AsIsteppedoutoftheclinicandbackoutintotheopenspaceofCadent,Iponderedwhattodonext.I

wasinfamousforrunning,buryingmypainandpretendinglikeeverythingwasokay,whenactually,Iwas

unsteadyandfallingapart.Thistime,Ineededtomakesmarterchoices.Icouldrunnow,orIcouldthink

where I should go next to get out of this insanity and back to some semblance of a real life. I walked

towards a group of fae males farming and asked if they knew where I could find Oliver. At first they

lookedatmesideways,butwhenIexplainedIwaslookingforanoverlydressedotterwithglasses,they

pointedmetoacottageattheendoftheclearing.Iwalkedforawhile,pickedabunchofwildflowers,

andfinallymadeittotheplaceOliverwasstaying.Iknockedonthedoorandwaited.

Oliveropenedthedoorandlookedup.“Areyouokay?”heasked.

Inodded.“Iam,butIwanttoleave.Ithinkit’stimetomoveon.”

“WhataboutGavin?”

“Hedoesn’twantmearound,andit’sprobablyforthebest,”Isaidwithacurtsmile.“Canweleave

soon?OrcanyoupointthewaysoIcango?”

“YouknowIcan’tdothat,Novi.Ihavetogowithyou.”

“Ifiguredyou’dsaythat.Canweleavesoonthen?”

“Dependsonwhereyouwanttogonext?”

“IwantedtogototheplaceIsawyesterday.Theplacewherethetreesweretallandfrostbitten.”

Olivershookhisheadfrantically.“No.Wecannotgothere,Novaleigh.”

“Whynot?”

“WecannotgotoTheWhite.”

“TheWhite?Whatdoesthatmean?”

“It’sofficialnameisHiems,butforallofus,wecallitTheWhite,it’snotagoodplaceandcertainly

notforyou.”

Myshouldersdropped.“Notforme?”

“Yes,Novi.Notforyou,”heemphasizedashepulledmedowntowardstheporchofhistemporary

cottage. “And this is not a challenge. I’ve figured out by now that when someone tells you not to do

something,it’sthefirstthingyouwanttodo.Thatisnotwhatthisis.Ninetypercentoftheinhabitantsof

Sacrife,notjustthosewholivehereinCadent,avoidthatareaatallcosts.Itisnotsafe.”

I thought about what he was saying and nodded my head slowly in agreement. “So then I guess you

needtotellmewherewearegoingnextthen.”

“Well,firstImustaskwhyyouarereadytoleaveGavin?Hehasnotyethealedcompletely.”

“I already told you. He doesn’t want or need me. I need to move on so I can get back to my home,

whereIcomefrom.”

“ThenIthinkAwakeningiswhereyouneedtogonext.Wecallitthatbecauseitiswhathappensin

Hortus,andwhilethatnamedoesn’texactlyelicitpositivethoughts,thatisexactlywhatHortusis.There

isnewlifethere.Beautyateveryturn.Ithinkyouwilllikeitthere,Novi.”

Inoddedagainbutwassilentlydisappointed.WasIreadyforanawakening?DidIreallywantnew

life?Imean,yes,ofcoursethatisastepintherightdirection,butIcouldn’thelpshakethefeelingIhad

moretodobeforeIwastrulyreadytostartagain.

“Whencanweleave?”Irelented.

“It’satwo-dayjourney,andit’smid-morningnow.Let’seatlunchandwecansetoutafterthat.This

willgiveusachancetofindshelterbeforedarknessfalls.”

“Allright,weleaveafterlunch.”

“IwillspeakwithGolarandMabellioandaskthemtohelpgatherwhatwemayneedforourjourney.

Youshouldprobablygobacktoyourdwellingandrest.Thisjourneyisabitmoretreacherousthanthe

onethatbroughtushere.”

Ileanedoverandhuggedhimthenstoodtoleave.Ireallydidn’thavemuchtosay.Ijustwantedtoget

backtoScotlandandoutofthisfantasy.AsIwalkedbacktowardsmyassigneddwelling,Ilookedinthe

direction of the clinic. My heart ached, and I clenched my fists to stave off the pain of his rejection.

Again,youonlyhaveyourselftoblame,Novaleigh.

Lunch wasn’t just cheese and crackers. No, it was a massive feast like the morning I arrived.

Everyone in Cadent was in attendance Golar said. Apparently, they all wanted to wish me well on my

journey to Hortus. I was overwhelmed by their admiration and gifts. At this point, I think I’ll need two

extra-largeSamsonitesuitcasestocarryeverythingtheyweregivingme.

Oliverbumpedmyarm.“Don’tworry,wecanpackallthattomakeitportable.”

“Goodthing.Iwasabitworried,andIdidn’twanttooffendanyone,”Iwhispered.

“It’s almost time for us to be heading out. Did you need to do or say anything to anyone before we

leave?”

Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“Subtle,andno.OtherthanGolarandMabellio,I’mgood.”

“Very well then,” he said as he stood. “Give me five minutes, and I too will be ready. I left a few

thingsinmyroom.”

“HowaboutImeetyouatthetreeovertherewithallthehanginglanternsthen?”Ipointed.

Headjustedhisglassesandflickedanod.“Fiveminutes.”

I made my way over to Mabellio and his family. The kids were playing while a woman with long

goldenhairheldaninfantinherarms.“Iwantedtosaygoodbyeandthankyouagainforhelpingme.”

“Itwasnotrouble.Isyourfriendwell?”Mabellioasked.

“He’swellasfarasIknow.”Iforcedasmile.

Thankfully, Mabellio didn’t push and ask more questions, instead he turned to the woman standing

besidehim.“Novaleigh,thisismywife,Ilsepas.”

Iheldoutmyhandandshelookedatmefunny,butshequicklysmiledasmilethatlitupherwhole

face.“It’swonderfultofinallyputafacewiththename,”shesaidassheleanedintohugme.“I’msorry

wehaven’tmetbeforenow,butI’vebeentiedupwiththebabyandunabletoattendtheevents.Ihopeyou

havefoundwhatyouwerelookingforduringyourvisithere.”Ilsepaspulledawaywhenthebabystirred

inherarms.

“She’sbeautiful.Howoldisshe?”

“Twelvedaystoday.”Shebeamed.

“HolyHannah.Youlookgreat,andshelookslikeaperfectblendofthetwoofyou.”Ismiled.“Itwas

lovelytomeetyou,Ilsepas.Yourhusbandwastookind,andIwon’tsoonforgetit.Pleasebewell––allof

you.”

After another round of hugs, I made my way over to Golar. She was sitting, not in a throne as you

wouldexpectfromaqueen,butinahighbackchaircoveredinaburntorangemushroomclothandthat

hadsunflowersandmarigoldsscatteredabout.Thechairalonewasaworkofart,butasIlookedatthe

queensittinginit,IwasremindedoftheCelticgoddessmynannausedtoreadmestoriesabout.Golar

waseverybitasbeautiful.AsIgotcloser,Irealizedshewastalkingtoanotherfae.Iwaiteduntilshewas

finished and approached. “Please pardon the interruption, but I wanted to say goodbye and thank you.

OliverandIwillbeleavingshortly,andIcouldn’tleavewithoutexpressingmyappreciation.”

Shereachedformyhands.“Itwasourpleasure,Novaleigh.Iwishyouwellonthenextlegofyour

journey.WillGavinbejoiningyouandOliver?”

“No.Hehaschosentogohisownway.Thankyou,though,forhealinghim.I––Iwouldbeheartbroken

ifsomethinghappenedtohim,”Istammered.

“Hemaybeclosedofftoyouatthismoment,Novaleigh,buthavefaith.Whatismeanttobewillbe.”

Itriednottoshowanyphysicalsignsofmentalanguishoutofrespect,butinsideIwasscreamingat

herwords.Yeahright.Hewouldwalkpastmeandletmedieifheeversawmeagain.Thatshiphas

sailed.Infact,it’sbeengoneforyears.

She squeezed my hands and smiled. “It may seem as though all hope is lost, but sometimes people

surpriseyou.”

“Wait,Ihadn’tsaidthatoutloud.”

Golarsmiledagain.“Iknow.”

Isighed.

IlookedupandsawOliverwavingmeon.“Ihavetogo,Golar.IwishIknewawaytorepayyoufor

yourkindness.”

“That’snotnecessary.AllIaskisthatyoukeepyourheartopentonewpossibilitiesandtostopletting

thepastcontrolyourfuturedecisions.Eachdayisanewchancetomakebetterchoices.Dothatforme,

andIwillalwaysbefilledwithpeace.”

InoddedsolemnlyandthenhuggedherbeforerushingofftomeetupwithOliver.

“Areyoureadytogo?”Oliverasked.

“Yes.”

Itookonelastlookattheclinicandfeltthateverpresenttuginmyheart.Atleastherehewassafe.I

wishedhimwellandturnedtoleave.Thereinthewindow,thesunobscuringpartsofhim,wasGavin,

lookingatusasweheadedfortheportal.Iwavedahand,knowingitwouldn’tbereciprocated.Itwas

okay though. I was saying goodbye. Now if only I could get my heart to listen to the sanity behind the

gesture.

OliverandIsteppedoutofthepeaceofCadentandbackontothemainroadinSacrife.Ihadnoidea

whattwoday’sjourneywasgoingtofeellike,butweweremovingon.Inaway,itfeltgood––sadbut

good.

ChapterTwelve

TheskyinSacrifewasasitwasthefirstdayIarrived.Theonlydifferencetodaywasthatitseemed

darkerandmoreominous.Thetreeswerebarrenandwithduskapproachingtheybegantoloomoverus

likesoldiersguardingthepath.OliverandIstayedclosetooneanother,buttheairhadshifted,leavingus

bothataduneasy.

“TheroadtoHortuswillskirttheouterbanksofHiemssobeawareofyoursurroundings,”hesaid

flatly.“Also,therewillbethingstryingtolureyoutowardstherealm.Ignorethem.”

“YoumeanlikeSirens?”

Hegavemeaquizzicallook.

“Sirensaremythicalcreatureswholuredsailorstotheirdoomwiththeirseductivesinging.”Ismiled.

“Iguessitcouldbesomethinglikethat,buttheywon’tsing.Theywill,however,trytotrickyouwith

thingsyouareattractedtoorhavesomeconnectionto,”Oliverreplied.

I shrugged, dismissing his comments. I got it. DO NOT GO TO THE WHITE OR YOU WILL BE

LOST.Oliverhadn’teverscreameditatme,buthe’dcertainlyreiterateditenoughthatitfeltlikehehad.

Darknesshadsetin,andOliverhadpulledyetanothertrickoutofthesatchelhecarriedandproduced

lanternstolightourway.Wecontinuedonourpathforawhilewithoutincident,butIguessIwilleditinto

existence,becausesuddenly,therewasaroadblockbeforeus.Thereonthesideoftheroadwasabroken-

downwagon.IthonestlylookedlikeaRomaniangypsywagon,sansthehorse.Itwasbrightlycoloredand

decorated with a dozen or so round lanterns. I slowed but Oliver waved me on without a word. We

almostmadeitpastthebackwhenthedooropenedandawoodenstaircasedroppeddownoutoftheback

of the wagon. In an instant, five harlequin-like clowns emerged and began to perform all kinds of

acrobatictricks,encirclingus––correction...corrallingus.

They were graceful but a little creepy too. They were wearing black and white costumes that were

form fitting and appeared to move like some psychedelic drug trip when they flipped around. That of

coursewasodd,butnotnearlyasoddasthechanttheyweresingingastheycontinuedtoperformtheir

tricks.

Seeusdance.

Watchusflip.

Caretotakeachance?

We’llonlyneedasip.

Cometoseeourmistress?

Orcometoseeourmaster?

Shecanbequiteviscous.

Butheisadisaster.

Welovethemboth,andwe’llletyouchoose.

Eitherway,wewouldn’twanttobeinyourshoes.

Chills ran up my spine as they continued to repeat it over and over again. What the hell was that

screweduprhymesupposedtomean?IlookeddownatOliverwhonevertookhiseyesofftheclown-like

creaturesasherubbedthecrystalhehadhangingaroundhisneck.Heblewontheclearjaggedsharduntil

itbegantoglowvibrantshadesofpinkandpurple.Hereachedformyhand,andItookitimmediately.

Somethingwasabouttohappen,andIdoubteditwasgoingtobegood.Herewegoagain.

Outofthewagonemergedacloakedfigurewhowasfollowedbyahauntingwoman.Shewasliterally

starkwhite––herhair,herskin,hereyelashes,herdress,andcrownonherhead.Everythingwaswashed

inwhite,exceptforhereyes.Theywereanicy-bluethatmadeherappearetherealbutnotinagoodway.

MyheartwasracingandwitheachbreathItook,thewidershegrinned.Ohshit.Itriednottolookather,

butIcouldn’ttakemyeyesoffher.Whatthehellwasshe?Whowasshe?

“Crossingalittletooclose,areyounot,otter?”thewomansaidinahoneyedtone.“Ithinkyouoweus

apassagepayment.”

“No.Wehavefavorwiththetwinqueensandthatbuysusapass.”

Shehissed.“Itbuysyounothing.”

“Lithia,doyoudareangerUphren?Youknowhertemperwhensheisdispleased,”Oliverchallenged.

Oliversuddenlydroppedtohiskneesandmadeagaspingnoise.Ikneltdownandscreamedupather

andthecloakedfigure.“ENOUGH!”

Thewoman,Lithia,spatherresponse.“Youarenothingspecial.Pinkhairornot.”

“Yeah,noshit!IneversaidIwas.Releasehim,now!”

Thecloakedfiguremovedclosertomebutwasblockedfromgettingtooclose.WasIimmunetotheir

powerbutOliverwasn’t?No.Irealizedwhenthemanlookedathishandasitflickeredwithombrehues

of fire. I gasped. His hand…stark white, crackled like dried mud. Oh my god, the warden. He pulled

backthehoodofthecloakandrevealhimself.“Wemeetagain.”

LithiareleasedOliverfromwhatevermagicalforceshewaschokinghimwithandcastaglanceatthe

warden.“Youknowthisthing?”

“Hey!”IshoutedbeforeIcouldstopmyself.

“Youdaretospeaktomeinsuchatone?Iwillhaveyourhead.”

Irolledmyeyes.Hmm,wonderwhereI’dheardthatphrasebefore?“Whereareyourcardsoldiers

andshouldn’tyoubeshorterandabitmorered?”

Oliver’seyeswentwide.“Novaleigh,stop.Donotaggravateheranymorethanshealreadyis,”he

whispered into my ear as he tried to stand. “We are safe here on the main trail, but if the magic

surroundingusceasestohold,thosecreatureswillhavefunplayingwithus.Understand?”

I,too,stoodandtriedtocomposemyself.Sure,Iwasbeingabadassontheoutside,butontheinsideI

wasquakinginmyboots.AllIcouldthinkofwasthephrasemydad’sfatherusedtosaytohimwhenI

wasakid,“Don'tletyouralligatormouthoverloadyourhummingbirdass,”andIthinkI’ddonejust

that.

“Wewanttopass.Wehavenobusinessorquarrelwithyou,Lithia.We’lljustbeonourway,”Oliver

saidashedustedoffhistrousersandadjustedhisglasses.

Hewassureanddeliberatewithhistone,butIsuspectedthathefeltthesamewayIdid––wewereon

thiniceandatanymomentitcouldcrackandtheneverythingwouldchange.

Lithia’s demeanor changed and she made her way back over to the wagon. “Come forth,” she

bellowedtosomeoneinside.

Chains rattled as someone appeared in the opening. A slender female with hair as pitch black as

midnight, slowly made her way down the wooden ladder. She had tawny skin that was wrinkled and

thinning.Shelookedlikeoneofthoseapplefacedolls,allweatheredandworn.

“HowmayIserveyou?”sheaskedwhenshefinallystoodbesideLithia.

“Her,”Lithiapointedatme.“Iwanttoknowmoreabouther?”

Theoldwomannodded.“FromwhereIstand,sheislost,travelinginourlandstofindherwayhome

butcannotacceptthetruthsbeforeher.Shebelieveswearealladreamandthatwearejustfigmentsof

herfracturedmind.Sheisstuckbetweentwoworlds.”

Myeyeswentwide.Whatthehellwasthat?Howdidsheknowthat?Ineversaidaword.

The woman’s voice changed and she began to mimic my own. “I'm currently living in the space

betweenlostandhappy.ItsoundsoddIknow,butit'struthful.Idon'twanttobeinthislimbo,butIam.

Thequestionis,howdoIgetbacktohappy?”

Olivergrabbedmyhandandsqueezeditwillallhismight.“Donotfallforit.It’satrick.Theseercan

onlyreadechoesofyourthoughts.Thinkofsomethinghappyormemorable,anything,anditwilldistract

her.”

Lithia’ssnarlbecameagrin.“ThisIcanuse.”

“Youwillusenothing.I’mnotfallingforyourshit,”Isnapped.

Lithia’slaughbecameacackleasshegrippedthechainsbindingtheoldwomanandyankedthemto

her.“FindoutmoreorIwilluseyourdaughterinsteadofyouasmypuppet.”

The woman shook with fear. “But that is all I can see. The magic imbued around the girl makes it

impossibletoviewanythingmore.EvenifIheldherhand,Iwouldbeblockedfromherentirethoughts.”

Lithiasnarledandpushedthewomantotheground.“Useless.”

Thewarden,whohadbeenstandingtothesideofLithia,kickedtheoldwomanandcalledfortwoof

thefreakyacrobatstoremoveherfromtheirsight.Thepoorladymoanedinpainandcriedoutloudwhen

oneofthembitheronthewrist.GuessInowknowwhattheclownsmeantwhentheysaidthey’donly

neededasip.Eeww.

AnelectricalsurgefilledtheairandOliver’sfaceddropped.

“Whatisthat?”Iwhispered.

“Yourdemise,”thewardenanswered.

Lighteningcrackledintheskyabove,justasthegroundbeneathourfeetbegantoshake.OliverandI

werestillholdinghands,andIwastednotime.ItuggedOliverandtookoffrunning.IhadnoideawhereI

washeaded,butatthemoment,allIwantedwasforOliverandmetobeasfarawayfromLithiaandthe

wardenaspossible.

Weran,butitwasn’tfastenough.Outoftheskyafunnelcloudformedandappearedtofollowus.If

wezigged,sodidit.Itwasasifitwerehonedinonus.Thenoisefromthegrowingtornadowaseerie.

I’dalwaysheardtheysoundedlikefreighttrains,butnowthatIwasexperiencingonefirsthand,itwas

bone chilling. Like the train was the size of Texas, and it was barreling down on Oliver and I with a

vengeance.

“WENEEDTOSPLITUP!”IscreamedatOliver.“GOTHATWAY!”

Hescreamedback.“NO!WECANNOTLOSEONEANOTHER.”

The funnel cloud made the choice for us. One second we were a few feet from each other, and the

next, I lost him in the whirlwind. The air went from cool to freezing in an instant. My teeth were

chattering, and I was floating in the center of the cone. For a moment it was quiet, but as I was tossed

around,thesoundbecamedeafening.Debriswasflyingaroundme,cuttingmyskinandmyclothes.Itried

tofocusmythoughts,butI’dlosttheabilitytothinklogically.Iwasfalling…again.

WhenIwastossedfromthetornado,Ilandedinasnowdriftthatthankfullysoftenedmyfall.Ittook

meafewmomentstogathermywits,butwhenIwasable,IrealizedIhadtobeintheoneplaceOliver

toldmenottogo––Hiems.Well,crap.

ChapterThirteen

Itwassocold,mylungswerestrugglingtocatchabreath.Irubbedmyarms,hopingtowarmmyself,

buttherewasnowaywiththeclothesIwaswearingIwouldbeabletogetwarm.Ineededtofindshelter

and soon. Darkness was settling in, and in just a short while I would be blind to my surroundings. The

treesalmostseemedtodisappearagainsttheskyline.Therewasnothingaroundforasfarastheeyecould

see.

AlightbegantoglowunderneaththeshirtIwaswearingandextendedoutwards.Theombreshadesof

pink were glowing against the glittery snow, illuminating all the white. Pink. The twin queens must’ve

beenwatchingovermeandsendingmeasignthatIwasn’tlost.Butwasn’tI?Howareyougoingtoget

outofthis,Novaleigh?

“Fear”

“Not”

“Novaleigh.”

“We”

“Are”

“Sending”

“Someone”

“To”

“Help”

“You.”

Ilookedaroundandsawnoonebutknewbythebrokensing-songyvoicesthatitwasthem.Howwere

theytalkingtome?

“We”

“are”

“with”

“you”

“always,”

“child.”

A pitter-patter sound was coming up behind me, and I turned sharply to see what or who it was.

There,comingatasteadypace,wereseveralrabbits,butnotjustrabbits,rabbitswithsmallelvenfairies

upontheirbacks.Theywereridingthemasiftheywerehorses.

“Hello,miss.Weareheretoshowyoutheway.Comewithus,”oneofthemsaidexcitedly.

I moved to stand, but fell immediately. Something must’ve happened to my ankle in all the ruckus,

becausethemomentIputweightonit,itgaveway.

Iscreamedoutinpainandthefairiesdismountedtoruntomyaide.“Wheredoesithurt?”

“Here,”Icried.

Thefairiesrandowntomyankleandbeganworking,doingwhat,Idon’tknow,butwithinmomentsI

wentfrommindnumbingpaintosomethingfarmorebearable.

“Better?”

Inodded.

“Weneedtogetyoutothehideawaybeforethesuncompletelysets,otherwiseweareallinextreme

danger.Canyoutryandfollowusnow?Itisnotfar.”

Inoddedagain.AsIstartedtomove,Olivercamerunningoutofthetreeline.Oh,thankGod.Heran

so fast that he was next to us in an instant. He was holding something in his hand and when he was

standingcloseenoughtotouchme,hebarkedordersatthefairieswhoworkedquicklytodoasheasked.

They mounted their rabbits, lined up and began to encircle us. They had in effect, created a barrier

betweenusandtherestof“TheWhite”asOlivercalledit.

“Now,”heyelledatthesametimehetossedthecontentsofhishandintotheair.

ThefairieseachshotanarrowintothecloudofleavesandpowderOliverhadjusthurledupwards.

Sparksflewandemberflamesbegantosurroundus.

“This only works once and will wear off eventually, but by then, we will be well on our way to

Hortus. For now though, Lithia and the warden are close, and I need you to follow my friends to their

hiddenhome,andIwillfindyoulater,okay?”

“Whataboutyou,Oliver?”

“Icanremainhidden.Youarehardertohide.Nowpleasestopquestioningmeandgo,”hesnapped.

“Fine,”Ibreathed.

Ilosttrackofalltheeventsthathappenednext,butfromwhatIcanremember,oneminuteIwassitting

inthesnowandthenextminute,atreewasgrowingupoutoftheground,risinguntilitalmostreachedthe

sky. Near the top were houses built right into the trunk of the massive tree. These “tree houses” were

differentfromtheonesinCadent.Theirhomestherewerebuiltintothebasesofthetrees,yetthesewere

highup.Iwonderedwhy.IalsowonderedhowIwasgoingtofitconsideringIwasahumanandnotsix

inchestall.

“Um,excuseme,”Iaskedamahoganyskinnedwomancarryingabasketfullofbrightredapples.“I’m

lookingforthefairiesthatwereridingtherabbits.

Sheshruggedandwentonaboutherway.

“Pleasewait!I’mgoingtocrushthisplace,andIdon’twanttohurtyouall.”

“Miss,”avoicebehindmespoke.“Whyareyoutroubled?”

“I–I’mscaredthatIamtoobigtobehereinyourhome.”

“Why?”

Myeyeswentwide.“Lookatme.”

Theelvenfairygavemeablankstare.“Youlookfine.Areyoufeelingill?”

Iwasflabbergasted.“I’mhuge,that’swhy!”

Hestilljuststoodthere,staringatmeblankly.“I’mafraidnot,miss.Youarethesameasallofus.”

“I’mnot…wait,what?”

Ilookeddown,andIwasindeednotmynormalsize.Iwasthesameheightasthefairybeforeme.I

shookmyheadinshock.

“Um...didIshrink?”

Hesmiledwide.“Yes,whenwelitthespark.Oliverusedhismagictochangeyou.”

I thought back to what Oliver had said in that moment. “This only works once and will wear off

eventually,butbythenwewillbewellonourwaytoHortus.Fornowthough,Lithiaandthewarden

areclose,andIneedyoutofollowmyfriendstotheirhiddenhome...”

“SoI’mnotgoingtostaythissizethen?”

Helaughed.“No,miss,youarenot.”

Iblewoutapuffofair,gratefulforthat.“I’mNovaleigh,bytheway.Andyouare?”

“Neesweth,” he beamed. “If you follow me I can take you to a more comfortable place. The main

thoroughfarewillbeclutteredsoonwitheveryonereadyingforthenightshift.”

“Oh.Okay,”IrepliedasIfollowedNeesweth.

This place was so high up in the massive trees, it was like a rural fairy village suspended in the

clouds.Therewerebarns,stables,andlivestock,alongwithallkindsofanimalsandgardens,aswellas

pathwaysandfences.Anditwasallsmall,well,wouldbesmallifIwasregularsize.

“Oh, miss. Please let me have the crystal you were using to illuminate The White. I shall need to

chargeitwiththelightofthemoon,soifyoueverneeditagain,itwillbeready.”

Iputmyhandaroundthecordholdingthenecklaceandpulleditovermyhead.“Thankyou.Ididn’t

knowitcoulddothat.”

“Ahyes,yourqueens’magicisvastandpowerful.”

“Oh,theyarenotmyqueens.”

Hechuckledagain.“Ofcoursetheyare.Whyelsewouldtheyrisksomuchtosaveyou?”

Ireachedforhisshoulder,haltinghim.“Risk?Whatdidtheyrisk?”

Hestoppedandstaredatmecuriouslybeforespeakingagain.“TheWhiteisnotforourkindtolivein.

Wemayhuntandforageduringthedaybutwhendarknessbeginstofall,wemustbesafelyreturnedtoour

homes.Thosearetherules.”

Igulped.“MayIaskyouwhy?”

Hiseyeswidened.“Oh,wedarenotnameit.”

“Namewhat?Andwhy?”

“Forfearthatnamingitwillcallittous.”

“Aren’tyouhiddenuphere?”

“Yes,buttheirhearingisperfectand,”Neeswethpaused.“No,Icannot.”

“Well,howcanIknowthatIwon’tencounterwhateverthisisifyoudon’ttellmewhatitis?”

Neeswethsteppedclose,verycloseandwhisperedhurriedly.“Lunatishee.”

“The Lunatishee? I know them. They are what Oliver and Mabellio warned me about in Cadent.

They’re connected to Lithia, right?” Panic set in. I’d never actually seen one, but I’d never forget the

soundoftheirshrillcries.

“Shhhh,neversaytheirnames.Ohdear,ohdear,”hecriedashepacedbackandforthrapidly.

“I’msorry.I’msosorry.Iwillneverspeaktheirnamesagain.”

“ThecreatureInamed,theyaremanyandtheyareboundtothewilloftheothernameyouwillnever

speak of again. They are all beasts who roam the woods in search of food. They despise your kind the

most,andyoumustavoidthematallcosts,miss.”

“Okay,Ipromise.”

Neeswethshivered.“They’readarkgreen,almostblack,andthey’recoveredinthornyspikesthatare

poisonoustoanyonewhocomesincontactwiththem,”hesaidashelookedmestraightintheeye,“but

youwillnotencounterthembecausewearehiddenfromtheirview.Nowenoughofallthischatter.We

dinewhenthemoonishighestinthesky.Meetusinthedininghall,andIbegofyou,donotmentionthis

conversationtoanyone.Itcouldbeourdemise.”Hegaveaclippednodandbeganwalkingagain.

“Iunderstand.”

Hestoppedabruptlyinfrontofaglassdoor.“Hereyougo.Thiswillbeyourswhileyouarewithus.”

Ipeekedthroughthatglassandmadeamentalnotenottostandnearitonceinside.“Itislovely.

“Seeyouatdinner,MissNovaleigh,”hesaidwithaslightbow.

Iclosedthedoorbehindmeandwalkedintothespaciousroom.ItwasnotasIexpected.Thishome

wasnotmadeofwood,butgreystone.Darkmortarandolivecoloredmossfilledinthespacesbetween

thebrick,givingitaneeriefeel.ThishomewascolderthantheoneIstayedinCadent,butthenagain,we

werehighintheskyaboveTheWhite.Maybetheyneededthestonetoprovidethemwarmth.Afirewas

litinthefireplace,notroaring,butitwasenoughtotakethechilloutoftheair.AsItookstockoftherest

of the room, I was struck by the sharp contrast of the cold stone to the white wisteria hung in strands

abovethebedinthecenterofthecircularspace.Itwasbeautifulandelegantandlookedasifitbelonged

inafairytale.You’redreaming.Youhavebeensinceyougothere.Donotforgetthatoryoutrulywillbe

lost,Iremindedmyself.

Ilaiddownonthebedandsunkintothecloudycenter.Itwasn’tlongbeforeIdriftedofftosleepand

washeadingtowardsyetanotherdreamland.

ChapterFourteen

I woke to the floor rumbling beneath me and the glass door rattling in its frame. I tried to steady

myself,butthebedstartedslidingfromonesideoftheroomtotheother.Whatwashappening?Ididn’t

havetimetothinkaboutthat,becauseononeofthepassesofthebed,itmanagedtobumpintothewall

withthelitfireplace.Inaninstant,flamesshotupandthebedcoveringbecameengulfed.Ijumpedoffthe

bedandtriedtoputthefireout,butithadgottentoobigandtherewasnostoppingit.AllIcoulddowas

runoutthefrontdoorandontothepath,buthereintheopen,itwasfarworse.

EverywhereIlookedtherewerefairiesscreamingandrunningaround,grabbingtheirchildrenand/or

animals. No one knew what to do. It was total chaos. Another quake and the tree dipped to the left,

crackingandsplittingintwo.Everyonewastryingtograbsomethingtoholdonto,butitwasnouse.The

treewascomingdown.MyheartwasbreakingasIwatchedtheelvenfairieslosetheirfootingandfall

into the darkness. Their hidden village was being destroyed, and they were being destroyed with it. I

managedtofindabranchtohangontoaswecontinuedtodescend.Thelowerwegot,theeasieritwasto

seewhowasterrorizingthesepoorfairies.

As balls of flames from the tree whizzed by, I caught glimpses of what could only be described as

darkshadowygiants.Giantswithlargespikesrunningalongtheirbacksandtrailingdowntotheirlong

tails.Ohshit,theLunatishee.Istaredindisbelief.Everythingseemedtobehappeninginslowmotionas

theyslashedatthetreebarkwiththeirenormousclaws.Theywerehugehulkingcreatures.

Iheldonandclosedmyeyes,willingmyselftowakeupfromthisterrifyingdream.Neeswethandall

of his family were perishing before my eyes. I never wanted to wake up more than I did in this very

moment.

TheLunatisheehaddoneallthedamagetheycoulddotothetreeandbegantargetingtheelvenfairies

whowerejusttryingtosavethemselves.IbracedmyselfwhenIsawwhite.Iknewthenthatthetreewas

about to finally hit the ground. Many voices continued to scream while others became silent. The large

pile of fresh snow blanketed my fall and I sunk into its cold softness. I tried not to move. One of the

Lunatisheewasstandingnomorethanthreefeetaway,andIquicklyrealizedtheyweren’tgiantsatall,

really. Had I been my usual size, I would be taller than them, but since I’m still only six inches at the

moment,theydefinitelyhadtheadvantage.

Istifledascreamandlaymotionless,hopinghewouldn’tseeme.Upclose,Icouldseethedetailsof

thecreatureanditwasjustasNeeswethhaddescribed––darkgreen,almostblack,andcoveredinthorny

spikes.TheLunatishee’seyesglowedinthedarkandappearedtobeabletoseeeverythingthatmoved.I

lay motionless, despite the fact that the frozen ground was chilling me to the bone. I remembered what

Neeswethsaidaboutthembeingabletosmellhumansandcouldn’tforthelifeofmeunderstandwhyit

wasn’tattackingme.CouldthesnowIwasburiedunderbemaskingmyscent?Ihadnoidea,butIhoped

whateverwasprotectingmefromtheirwrathwouldcontinuetowork.

TherewasarustlinginthetreesbeyondwhereIcouldsee;thecreaturetooknoticeandreachedover

itsshouldertopulloneofitsspikesfromhisback.Itimmediatelygrewanotherasitlaunchedtheonein

itshandtowardsthesound.Aloudmoanandthenathudconfirmedhe’dhithistarget.Anothersoundand

theLunatisheetookoffinitsdirectionleavingmealone.IwaitedafewmomentsbeforeImoved.WhenI

heardnothingbutsilence,Ipeekedoverthesnowhopingthey’dallgone.

Horrorhitmysoul.Inthedarkness,firesburned,illuminatingthetragicscene.Icouldseebodiesof

theelvenfairies,youngandold.TheLunatisheehadshownnomercytothefae.Therewereanimalsand

childrenunmovingallaround.TearsfilledmyeyesasIlookedinthedirectionIlastheardanoiseand

saw what the Lunatishee had hit with its thorny spike––Neesweth and his rabbit. I ran over to them,

trudgingasbestasIcouldthroughthedenselypackedsnow.Neeswethwasstillbreathingbutonlybarely,

whilehisrabbitlaylifelessnexttohim.

“I’msosorry,Neesweth.Sosorry.”

“Arethereanyalive?”hechoked.

“No,”Iwhisperedasatearsliddownmycheek.“WhatcanIdoforyou?”

“NothingI’mafraid.Thepoisonhastakenhold.Iwillnotsurvive.”IcriedsoftlyasIstaredintohis

eyes.“Yourcrystalisinmyrabbit’spouch.You,”hecoughed.“Youneedtotakeitandgo.Runasfaras

youcanandhide.Thecrystalwill,”hecoughedagain,“showyouthepath.”

Treessnappedinthedistanceandwebothfroze.

Neesweth pulled me closer. “You must go now, miss. Don’t let them get you,” he said in barely a

whisper.

I nodded and leaned over to find the crystal. I was so frightened and numb to all of what just

happened.Hadthisbeenmyfault?Wouldthesepeopleallbealiveifitwasn’tforme?YetanotherthingI

canaddtomylonglistofguiltandangst.

“Howdidtheyfindyourhideaway?”

Hissadeyesmetmineonceagain.“Youmaybeoursize,miss,butyoustillsmelllikeahuman.They

hatehumans.”

Iclosedmyeyesandcriedsomemore.Itwasmyfault.YoudidthisNovaleigh.Youkilledanentire

villageoffairies.

TheslightriseandfallinNeeswethchesthadstopped.Hetoowasgone.Ilaybyhissideforafew

more moments, but when the sounds of branches cracking grew louder, I ran as fast as I could to the

nearestbrushandhid.OutofthebarrenforestcamethreeLunatishee.Onewascarryingapouchathiship,

thesecondusedalongsticktosiftthroughthebodies,andthethirdpickedupthevillagersortheanimals

andshovedtheminthefirstone’spouch.Ihadnoideawhattheyweregoingtodowiththemandthenthe

thirdonepickedupNeesweth’srabbitandtookabiteoutofhissidewithitsblackfangs.

Mystomachlurched.Ohno.Youcannotthrowup.Keepittogether.Think.Stayalive.

I waited until the creatures had cleared the field of their “prizes” before I made my way in the

oppositedirectionofwheretheywereheaded.Ihadnoideawheretogoorwhattodo.Iwasfreezing.

Anotherrightfuckedsituation.

IlookedatthepathbeforemeandwishedIwasahumansizeagain.Makingmywayinafrozentundra

when you’re six inches tall is not exactly possible when I’d already sunken below my head a few

momentsago.Myskintingledandthehairsonthebackofmyneckstoodonend.Suddenly,Iwasnow

taller than the bush and continuing to grow. I’d gone back to my full size, clothes, shoes, and all. Be

carefulwhatyouwishforaroundhere.

Aloudshriekrangoutinthedistance.Iguesswithmyincreasedsize,cameanincreasedscenttoo.So

muchforthe‘magicishidingme’theory.Itookoffinadeadruninthedirectionofapinky-orangeglow,

hopingthatitwasasignfromthequeens.Helpme,please.Icriedoutinmymind.PLEASE!

ChapterFifteen

IranuntilIwasoutofbreath.IknewIneededtokeepgoing,butmysidewascrampingandmybody

washalffrozen.ThelightI’dbeenrunningtowardsseemedlikeamirage.NomatterhowfarIran,Iwas

notanycloser.Ireachedforthecrystalaroundmyneckandplayedwithitforafewminutes.Ihadnoidea

how it worked and apparently talking to it, kissing it and/or praying to it had no real affect. It still

remained dark. Had I fallen out of favor with the twin queens when the Lunatishee killed the elven

village?Iwouldn’tblamethemifthatwasthecase.SinceI’dbeenhereinSacrife,allI’ddonewascause

trouble.Iguessmybadluckfromhomefollowedmetothisplacetoo.Luckythem.

Themoonfinallybecamevisibleasitshiftedinthesky,andIsawthesnowallaroundme.Itwenton

forever.WhenIturnedslightlytogetmybearings,Ifellbackwardsintothesnow.There,tomyrightwas

astream.HowIhadmanagedtomissitwasbeyondme.Icouldn’tbelieveI’dbeenrunningbesideitthis

entiretimeandneveroncefellintoit.Ishiveredatthethoughtofthefreezingwater.I’dalwayslovedto

look at water and appreciated its soothing effect, but as I looked at this stream, it appeared black and

therewasnothingsoothingaboutthat.Icautiouslycontinuedtowalkalongthewater’sedge,usingitonly

asaguidelinetostayontrack.

I was still headed in the direction of the light in the distance, hoping it was leading me to a place

where I could get warm. Have faith, Novi. The clouds shifted and moonlight once again lit my way. I

lookedupandsmiledasIrememberedthewalkingsongfromTheLordofTheRingsmynannausedto

singtome.J.R.R.Tolkienwasoneofherfavoriteauthors.Istartedtohum,carefultokeepmyvoicelow.

AdaywillcomeatlastwhenI

Shalltakethehiddenpathsthatrun

WestoftheMoon,EastoftheSun.

Whenthecloudcovercleared,illuminatingthestream,Igasped.ItwasbloodredandnotstagnantasI

assumedbutflowingandalive.Iswallowedhard.Theimagesofthevillagers,thesmelloftheburning

wood,andthescreaming––allofitplayedbackinmyhead.Istartedtohumagain,thistimemoreshakily.

AdaywillcomeatlastwhenI

Shalltakethehiddenpathsthatrun

WestoftheMoon,EastoftheSun.

“Nanna,whatdoIdo?HowcanIfixthis?”Isaidoutloudasifsomeonewasgoingtorespond.Was

thisit,hadIfinallylostit?

Isloggedthroughthedriftsandshiveredwitheachstep.Themoonlightwashelpingguidemyway,but

Iwaslosingfaith,andstrength,thatIwouldmakeittoaplacewhereIcouldbesafeandwarm.Isawa

bridgeinthedistanceandconvincedmymindthiswasasign.Maybeit’sthewaytogettoHortus.

It took me some time, but I finally made it to the stone bridge. Something about it seemed familiar

too––theFairyBridge?Buthow?Mymindsnapped.Thiswasit.Iwashome.WhenallthisstartedIwas

in Scotland, near my grandparents’ house––near the Fairy Bridge. Hope surged. I walked faster. I was

almosthalfwayacrossthebridgewhentheshrillsoundoftheLunatisheerangoutinthedistance.No!My

mindscreamed.No!

I started to run but tripped and hit the stone railing. I lost my footing and fell. The freezing water

surroundedme,andIbegantosink.Ishouldhavefoughtmywaytothesurface,butmybodyandmymind

hadmadeadifferentchoice.IwasstilllostinSacrifeandIwasfrozen.Alltheelementsofmegaveup.

Theworldwouldbebetteroffwithoutmeanyway.Iwasfreefloating,driftingfurtherandfurtherintothe

darkness, and I didn’t care anymore about the consequences. The choice was made. No more guilt. No

more need for redemption from all the people I’ve let down. Besides, this is just giving into the

inevitable. You’re already gone anyway, I mean how else did you end up here in the land of make

believeandfairiesifyouwerestillaliveandwell?

Igaveintotheweightaroundme.I’dbecometheLadyoftheLakewithoutExcalibur,thedamselin

distress without the prince to save her, Dorothy without her slippers or Alice without her “drink me”

potion.Fantasticdreamsweavedintoamazingtalesoftriumphoverobstacles.Iwasnottriumphantover

anything.Iwasacoward.

“Novi,comehere.Iwanttoreadyouastory,”Nannacalledout.

I scampered into the room where Nanna was. She loved her library, loved her books. She had

everythingfromchildren’sbookstotheclassics.Shereaditallandcherishedeachone.Whenevermy

pappawasawayontravel,hewouldfindararebookandbringithometoherasapresent,andshe

wouldbeoverjoyed.Nannahadnoneedforfancyjewelryorextravagantgifts,allshewantedwasto

readsomethingthattransportedherintoanotherworld.Ithinkthat’swhereIdevelopedmylovefor

reading.ShelitapassionwithinmeforthewrittenwordwhenIwasakid,andIhaven’tbeenableto

stopthefirethatburnswithinmesince.It’sjustpartofwhoIam.

I pulled down her copy of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and ran my hands over the image of the

cowardlylion.IrememberwhenPappagavethistoher.Itwasananniversarygiftfortheirfiftieth.You

would’vethoughthegaveheratwelvecaratdiamond.Islidthebookcarefullybackintoitsslotand

pulleddownacopyofAliceinWonderland.AsIflippedthroughit,Ismiled.PageafterpageIcould

hearNanna’svoicereadingtome.Iwalkedbackintothelivingroomandlaiddown.Ithadbeenquite

sometimesinceIreadthisbookandwiththechillintheairandthecloudsoverhead,nowseemedlike

asgoodatimeasanytostayinmypajamasandread.

“WhointheworldamI?Ah,that'sthegreatpuzzle.”

Thatquote,Novaleigh,willbeoneyouwillhavetofigureoutonyourown.Thatisyourquestin

thislife––tofigureoutwhoyouareandwhoyouwanttobe.YourmomandIhaveaspirationsforyou

butwhatwewantmostisforyoutoknowwhoyouareforyourself.Eachofushasourownpathto

follow,somedayyouwillseeyoursclearly.

“ButIknowmypathnow,Nanna.”

“Ohyoudo,doyou?Andwhatisthepathyouwishtotake?”

“I’mgoingtobeafamousartist.Everyonewilllovemypicturesasmuchasyoudo.”

ShesmiledasIhandedhermylatestdrawing.“You’reright,mysweetgirl,everyonewilllovethem

asmuchasIdo.”

I closed the book and stared up at the ceiling. I was five at the time and my art was less than

polished,butNannamademefeellikeIcould’vebeenthenextVanGogh.IthinkthelasttimeIpicked

upapenciltodrawanythingIwasfourteen.ItwasaboutthesametimeIgaveupanythingcreativefor

other pursuits, aka boys. I chuckled remembering the first boy I ever kissed. It started out awkward

andthenturnedintobliss.IthoughtI’ddiedandgonetoheavenuntilhishandsstartedtomoveupmy

shirt, and then I twisted his arm behind his back and dropped him to his knees––a trick my burly

Scottishpappataughtme.Fromthatmomenton,Ishiftedmythoughtstobooksandtheartsingeneral.

ThenImetGavinandthingsweregreat.Aboytohangoutwithwhoalsolovedartandbooks,andwe

gotalongperfectly.

Gavin.AllofmythoughtseventuallyledbacktoGavin.

“Hewasn’tangrywithmewhenIsawhimatNannaandPappa’shouse,hewassomethingelse.No,

Gavin hated you when you saved him from the warden,” I argued with myself. “Which is true? It

doesn’tmatternow.Nowhewilleithermournyourlossordespiseyouevenmoreforyourweakness.

Whyareyousoweak,Novaleigh?Why?”

Furtherintotheabyss.

MybodyjerkedandIwassuddenlypulledupwardsinarush.Iheardmynamebutitwasfaintand

almost inaudible. Who was calling me? Why was I colder now? No, not colder––warmer but only in

placeswhereIwasbeingtouched.Odd.

Panicsetin.

OHGOD!Thewarden.Lithia.TheLunatishee,theyfoundme.Again,youfoolishchild,whydoesit

matter?Youmadeyourchoice.Youhavefallen.

“Novi!Canyouhearme?Areyouallright?”

“No,sheisnotallright!Wehavetogetheroutofhere.WehavetogethertoHortusnoworshewill

die.”

“She’ssocold,Oliver.”

“Thisisnotworking.Ineedtogotomyburrowtogetthepropermedicineforher.”

“Andwhereisthat?”

“Ahalfdaysjourney,oneway,butIwilltrytobefaster.”

“Willshesurvivethatlong?”

“Shewillifwecanlevelherbodytemperature.”

“Thengo.Iwillcareforheruntilyoureturn.”

“Iwon’tletyouandNovidown,Gavin.”

“Iknowyoucareforher.Pleasehurry.”

“Iwill.”

“Onemorething,Oliver,canyoumakethefirebiggerforus?”

Loudcracklingsoundsechoedinthedistance.Allofthiswasfaintandfoggy,butIheardtwovoices

conversingeventhoughitsoundedasifitalltookplaceunderwater.Ah,yetanotherdream. How long

doesittakeapersontodie?WillIcrossoveroramItoremaininthislimbo––stuckbetweentwoworlds?

“I’vegotyou,Novi.Pleasedon’tleaveme.Ican’tloseyouagain.”

Gavin?No.Can’tbe.Butallthoughtsleadbacktohim––leadbacktoallyourmistakes.

Peace.Blissfulpeace.

ChapterSixteen

Igotdressedandlayeredmyselfjustincasethetemperaturedroppedoritstartedtorain.BeforeI

putonmywellies,IgrabbedablanketandNanna’scopyofTheVelveteenRabbitofftheshelfbefore

headingoutthedoor.Itwasmyfavoritebookshewouldreadtome.Thecoverwasastatteredasthe

velveteenrabbithimself,butjustlikehim,itdidn’tmatteratallbecauserealcouldn’tbeugly,except

topeoplewhodidn'tunderstand.Iunderstood.Thewornedgesshowedtheloveforeachword,innot

only repetition but in the voices who read it to me––Nanna, Mom, even Pappa when he wasn’t busy.

Thisstorywasrootedinmysoul.

'Itdoesn'thappenallatonce,'saidtheSkinHorse.'Youbecome.Ittakesalongtime.That'swhyit

doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully

kept.’

It’sfunnyhowthemessageofbeingauthenticandvulnerablewaspartofbecomingrealandyet,

forasmuchasItreasuredthisbook,Ifailedtorememberwhatwasmostimportant.

“Therewillbethingsthathappentoyouinlife,Novithatwilltestyourstrength.Yourjobistorise

above the challenges and not be so fragile. You are a special little girl, Novi. Never forget that, but

don’t let your uniqueness cloud your vision,” Nanna whispered. “Special means you give more than

youtakebecausethatiswherethetruemagicisrevealed.”

Iwasn’tspecial.Myedgesweretoosharp,andI’dbecomesomeonewhohadtobecarefullykept.

Mymagiccouldn’tberevealed.I’msosorry,Nanna.

HadtherebeenlessonsinotherstoriesNannareadtome?ImadeherreadBeautyandtheBeastat

leastathousandtimes,too.

Thesunwasnowhighinthesky,butthebreezestillcarriedachill.Iwrappedtheblanketaround

myselfandmademywaydowntotheshoreline.Itwassobeautifulhere.Mygrandparent’shousewas

situated between the coastline and the cliffs, giving them the best of both worlds. I knelt down and

scoopedahandfulofthecool,clearwaterintomyhandsandletitslipthroughmyfingers.Peaceful

wastheonlywordIcouldusetodescribehowIwasfeeling.Despitethetemperatureofthewater,my

bodyfeltwarmandlight.

Iwalkedovertoaclearingnearsomeshadytreesandlaidouttheblanket.TheonlyplaceinNew

YorktofindsomethingevenremotelylikethiswasCentralPark,butitwastoobusytobeconsidereda

placeofrespite.Thefastpacedlifeofthecityhadmeconstantlypluggedintosomething,anditfeltso

normal to have something scheduled every hour of the day. Why are our lives so jam packed with

eventsthatweloseoutonmomentslikethis?

Mystillnesswasmergingwiththeairaroundme,andIfeltcalmforthefirsttimeinyears.Ididn’t

want to move for fear of breaking the spell it had me under. I just want to be like this forever. I am

happy here with no one expecting anything from me. Here, I can live in the space between lost and

happywithoutjudgmentofmyemotionalstate.Here,IamjustNovaleighDarrow––agirlwholovesto

readanddraw.Awomanonthevergeofabreakthroughofbecomingwhoshewasmeanttobe.Asoul

whowantstobelovedbysomeonewhocanaccepthertruenatureandnotthepersonasheportraysto

makesurepeoplefeelcomfortablearoundher.

Tears spilled out of me as if I was being purged of all my pain. It felt so real, and I wanted

desperatelytobelievethatwhenIstoodandwalkedawayfromthisplaceIwouldfeelredeemed,butI

knewthatwasapipedream.Therealworlddoesn’tworkthatway.Therealworldwasn’tafantasyyou

could escape. No, the real world required sacrifice and compromise. Payment for a life travelled I

supposed.

IwonderwhattheworldwouldlooklikeifIwereitscreator.Wouldtherebesufferingandjoyin

equalmeasureorwoulditjustbejoyful?No,therewouldhavetobebalance––ayingtotheyang.It’s

thenatureofallthings,orsoI’vebeentold.

Iletmyminddriftsomemoretothemomentsthatmademesmile.GavinandIthefirstdayofme

going to his school. It was funny to watch him interact with the other kids. He was such a clumsy,

goofy nerd, and he was different than the rest of them. He spoke perfect English, which around here

wasunusual.MostofthepeoplewholivedintheIsleofSkyewereScottsthroughandthrough.Gavin

wastheguyalltheotherguysmadefunofbecausehewassoincrediblyintelligent,andtheycouldn’t

keepup.Andthegirls,well,theywereadifferentstory.They’dalldodoubletakesbecausehewastall

withdarkhair,andhehadthemostbeautifulcrystalgreeneyes.Hewashot,buthewasshytoo,and

thatshynesslefthimvulnerabletocaddyfemales.I’doverheardoneofthegirlssayingtohergangof

friendsthatthey’dliketotakehimintothejanitor’sclosetandkisshimuntilheturnedstupid.Itwas

suchanoddthingtosay.Littledidtheyknow,thejokewouldbeonthem.Gavinwasahelluvakisser.

“Hey.”

“Hey.How’sthefirstdaygoing?”

“Charming,”IsaidasIgrinned.“Interestinggirlshereatthisschool.”

“Yeah,theyallactstuckup,butI’msureyou’llfindsomeonetohangoutwithsoonenough.”

“Maybe,butIalreadyhaveafriend,andI’mnotreallytakingapplicationsfornewones.”

“You’resoweird.”

“Anddon’tyouforgetit.”

After that, Gavin and I were inseparable. His father was friends with my Pappa, and it just so

happened that Gavin would always accompany him whenever he visited. His parents were divorced

too.HismomwasfromLondonandwhensheandGavin’sdaddecidedtocallitquits,shewentback

home.ThatexplainedwhyhespokewithoutthetypicalScottishbrogue.

“Novi.Pleasewakeup.”

“Ican’t.I’mtootired.”

“Butyou’retalkingtome.”

“Noooooo,”Idraggedout.“I’vefallen.Iamlost.”

“Wesavedyou.Youareherewithme.Openyoureyesandsee.”

Ithoughtforamomentaboutwhatitwouldbeliketoseehimagainbutknewinmyhearthe’donlybe

amiragelikethelightinthedistanceIwaschasing.Isqueezedmyeyestighter.“No,Icannotbefooled.”

Helaughed.“You’vedonethatsincewewerekids,andI’veneverunderstoodwhy.Doyouthinkby

squeezingyoureyestightthatyou’rechangingthechannelonwhat’sbeforeyou?”

Myeyesflewopen.“Gavin.You’rehere?”

Henoddedhisheadbutonlyslightlybecausehewasholdingmetight.Ourbodieswerejoined,skinto

skin,aswelayinfrontofaroaringfire.“What…”

“Be still. Your body is ice cold, and this is the only way to help bring your temperature back to

normal.Oliverisfetchingmedicineforyou.”

Isighedcontentedly.“Okay.”

“Noresistance,eh?”

“Tootired.Besides,I’ddreamedofthismomenttoomanytimestowishitwereuntrue.Iwanttobe

hereinyourarms.”

Gavin’sheartbegantorace.Icouldhearitclearlysincemyheadwasrestingonhischest.“Whydoes

thissurpriseyou?YouknowhowmuchIloveyou.”

Hisbreathhitched.“Actually.No,Idon’t.”

Ilookedupathimlazily.“IthinkIhavelovedyousincethefirsttimewemadeoutinthebarn,andI

neverstopped.”

“Butyouleftme,Novi.Youtoldmeyouneededmoreinyourlifebesidesarelationship.Correction.I

heardfromyournannathatyouneededmorebecauseyouweretoomuchofacowardtotellmeyourself.”

There wasn’t any anger in his voice like there was when I said goodbye to him in Cadent. No, this

wasmoresadnessandgrief.

“You’reright.Iwasacowardandafool.Youwere…noare…mybestfriend.TheoneIwanttotell

everythingto,butIwastoostupidtoseeallofthat.Tooselfish.Youaremybiggestregret,andifIcould

gobacktothatmomentandchangeit,Iwould.”Iclosedmyeyesagainandrestedmyheadbackonhis

barechest.

“Idon’tknowwhattosaytothat,Novi.”

“Idon’texpectyoutosayanything.Iscrewedup,andnowI’mdying.ThebestIcanhopeforisthat

beforeIpassyoucanforgiveme.Inevermeanttohurtyou,andIknowIdid.Ihurtusboth.”

Gavinliftedmychinsooureyescouldmeet.“Youarenotdying.Iwon’tallowit.”

Igavehimasadsmile.“It’stoolate.”

“It’snevertoolate,”hesaidashislipstouchedmine.“Iloveyou,too.Ialwayshave.”

Our kiss deepened, and warmth began to spread over my body. Was this real? Was Gavin really

kissing me? Had he really just said he loved me too and always had? Wait, I said that. Novaleigh you

have become a trickster. You’re mind so splintered and fractured that fantasy and reality are

intertwinedintoanintricatewebofwantsanddesireswithnotruthtoconnectthem.

Mybodyburnedforhistouch.Iwantedustobetogetherthewayweusedto.Ineededhiscaressuntil

mybodywashisineveryway.Chillsranovermeashishandsliddownbetweenus,findingthespothe

lovedbest.Forbeingthenerdyboygrowingup,healwaysknewtheperfectwaytobringmetoclimax––

every time and with minimal effort, too. All those high school girls who dismissed him because they

couldn’t see past his goofy quirkiness would never know how much of an amazing and giving lover he

was.Theirloss.Gavinwasahot,sexynerd.Thebestkind.

Amoanescapedmybodyashecontinuedtolethisfingersdelveinandoutofme.“GodsI’vemissed

you,Novi,”hebreathedintomymouthashebrokeourkiss.

“Isthisreal?AmIdreaming?”

“Thisisnotadream.”

“Thankgod,becauseIneedyou,Gavin.”Iletmyhandrundownhischest,untilIfelthimhardagainst

myhand.GavingroanedasIletmyfingerstrailthelengthofhim.

“Iwanttobeinsideyou,Novi.”

Dreamorno,Iwantedthattoo.IfIwasdyingandthiswasthelastthingI’dexperience,thenheandI

togetherwouldbetheonethingIwantedbeforeIfoundmypeace.

I moved on top of him and he slid inside, gentle at first, but as the intensity of our movements

increased, our bodies melded together in perfect unison. We moved as one as if no time had passed

betweenus.Ourloveandconnectionwasineverykiss,everymoveofmyhips.Allweneededwasone

another.Ourpassionbuiltintoanintoxicatingmixtureoflustanddevotion.Eversinceourfirsttime,we

wereboundtooneanother,mind,body,andsoul.Iwastheonlythingthatbrokethatconnection.Inthis

moment,Ibelievedthatmayberedemptionwaspossible.Gavinhadseentheuglyinmeandlovedmein

spiteofit.Maybeitwasn’ttoolateforme––forus.

We both cried out as we found our release and remained motionless for a few moments until the

wavesofpassionsubsided.Ididn’twanttomove,didn’twantthisperfectdreamtoend.

GavinkissedmegentlyasImovedtolaybesidehim.Ionceagaincurledintohisarms,aseamlessfit,

andclosedmyeyes.Icoulddienow.

“Iwillloveyoualways,Gavin.Always,”Isaidsleepily.

He hugged me tighter and mumbled into my hair. “Always is a very long time. You sure you can

promisethat,Novi?”

Ilookedupathim.“Icannow.”

ChapterSeventeen

Iwassotired,myminddriftingfromalerttoasleepasIlayinGavin’sarms.

“Wakeup,Novi,”hesaidasheranhishandsupanddownmyarms,warmingthemwiththefriction.

“Staywithme.”

“I’mawake,”Islurred.

“Thenopenyoureyesandlookatme.”

As I opened my eyes, Gavin smiled. He, however, was not the only thing to catch my eye. The sky

behindhimwasvaryingshadesoforange,pink,andpurple.“Wherearewe?Whereisallthesnow?”I

triedtomovebutGavinheldmeclose.

“It’sallright.You’resafe.”

“WhereisTheWhite?”Myhandsstartedtoshakeandmyvoicetrembled.“Thewarden?Lithia?”

“Shhh,shhh,shhh.You’resafe.Itoldyou.OliverandIsavedyou.Youfellintothewaterbelowthe

bridgeandwepulledyouout––broughtyouhere.”

“Towhere?”Ilookedaroundhesitantly.

“We’rejustinsidetheboundaryofHortus.Oliversaidwewouldbesafehereuntilhereturned.”

“Notsafe.Wearenotsafe.IthoughtIwassafewiththeelvenfaebutthey’reallgone––deadbecause

ofme.”

“Novi,thatwasn’tyourfault.TheLunatisheekilledthem,notyou.”

“IfIhadnotbeenintheirvillage,theywouldstillbealive,”Icried.

“Novi,Ineedyoutofocusonyougettingwell.Youalmostdied.”

“Ididdie.”Tearsstreameddownmyface.“WhereisOliver?”

“He had to go to his burrow to get you some medicine.” Medicine? My mind was swimming. I

alreadyknewwhereOliverhadgone,butthenagain,didI?I’dhearditinmydream,butnowthatGavin

wassayingit,itseemedreal.

“Idon’tunderstand,Gavin.”

“You’vebeenoutofit,Novi.Waveringbetweenconsciousandunconscious.Youwerehalffrozenand

wetriedeverythingtoreviveyou.Oliverevenusedthecrystalyouhadaroundyourneck,butnothingwas

working. He said he knew of something that would help but it was at his home and that he’d be back

soon.”

Ireachedforthecrystalaroundmyneckandindeedfounditgone.IthenlookeddownbetweenGavin

andme,onlytorealizewewerenaked.Gavinblushed.“Sorry,itwastheonlywayIknewhowtowarm

youup.Youknow––bodyheat.”

Myfacesuddenlyfelthot.“SoyouandI,thatwasn’tadream?”

Heshookhisheadno.

“AndyouandI––allthatwetalkedaboutlastnight––thatreallyhappened?”

He kissed me. One peck and then another. “It really happened,” he said as his hands caressed my

cheek.“Idon’twanttoeverbewithoutyouagain.”

I sobbed into his next kiss. “I’m so sorry for everything. I made so many mistakes, and I know I’ll

neverbeabletomakeupforthem,butifyou’llletme,I’dliketospendtherestofmydaystrying.”

Hedidn’trespondwithwords.

Ourbodieswereonceagainintertwined,exceptthistimeIwasrememberingitall.Eachtouch,every

kiss,thefeelofhishandsastheyroamedovermybody––mineoverhis.Iwasmentallyrecordingevery

singlesecondofustogether.NotthatIneededto,sinceitseemsGavinandIwereonthesamepageabout

startingover,butjustincaseIwasstilldreaming,Ifocusedoneverydeliciousdetail.

Idon’tknowhowlongGavinandIenjoyedbeinglostinoneanother,butasthesunkissedthetopsof

thegreattreesIwasfeelingabitbettereventhoughmyskinfelthot.Youjusthadsex...duh.

Imovedtogetup,butGavinwouldn’tletmewalkaround.HesaidthatImaybecoherentandmore

alert,butmyskinwasstilltoowhiteforhiscomfortlevel.Andwithallwe’djustdone,hewantedtowait

untilOlivergavemehismedicinebeforehe’dbetotallyconfidentIwaswellenoughtobeupandaround.

Arustlinginthedistancestartledusboth,andGavinmovedtoshieldmefromwhateveritwas.The

bushes at the foot of the trees separated and out came Oliver carrying an extra-large satchel over his

shoulder. Good grief, how much medicine did I need? Gavin covered me so none of my flesh was

showingasOliverdrewcloser.

Oliverlookedatusbothskeptically.“Whatisthis?”hedemanded.

“Youtoldmeweneededtogethertemperatureup.Thisishowhumansdothat,”Gavinreplied.

“Isee.”Oliverdroppedthebagoverhisshoulderandletithittothegroundwithathud.“Well,you

arealonenolonger.PleaseputonsomegarmentssoImaybearoundyouboth,”hehuffed.

Oliverturnedaround,andGavinmovedtoputonhispantsandashirtthathe’dbeenusingtoresthis

headon.Itwascoveredinabitofdirtandleaves,buthedidn’tseemtocare.“Oliver?”Gavinpaused.

“Novi’sclotheswereruined.Betweenthebattlesheenduredandalmostdrowning,well,shedoesn’thave

anythingtowear.”

Oliver didn’t turn, instead just slipped the knot on the bag and pulled out a pale green dress. He

handed it over his shoulder to Gavin. “This should do for now. When we get to the village in Hortus,

Freylar,canmakeheragarmentofherchoosing.”

“Thankyou,Oliver,”IsaidasGavinhandedthedresstome.“Iappreciateyoubringingittomeand

forsavingme.”Olivercrossedhisarmsinfrontofhischest,stillwithhisbackfacingme.“I’mserious.I

knowI’vebeennothingbuttroubletoyousinceI’vearrived.”

I pulled the dress over my head and walked over to Oliver and hugged him tightly from behind,

kissinghisfurryfaceuntilhewaspushingmeaway.“Allright,allright.Igetit.You’regrateful.”

IswayedabitandGavincaughtme,loweringmegentlybacktothemakeshiftbedding.

“See,Itoldyouweren’treadytobeupandaround.”

GavinfeltmyheadandturnedtogiveOliverapoignantlook.“She’shot.”

Oliverrushedtomyothersideandunwrappedawovenbag.“Novaleigh,Iamgoingtogiveyousome

medicine.Itisanancientremedyhandeddownfrommymother’sside.It’salwaysbeentriedandtrue.”

“What’swrongwithme?”

“Youhaveafever,Novaleigh.Weneedtogetitdown.YousurvivedTheWhite,butitseffectshave

takenatollonyourbody.Thisisamixtureofherbsincombinationwithaclearquartz.”

As Oliver used the crystal point to crush the herbs in an iridescent shell, I closed my eyes. I could

smellcinnamonandbayleaves.TheywerescentsIknew,butIdon’tthinkI’deversmelledthemmixed

together.Theydid,however,remindmeofmynanna’scooking.

“Howwillthismixturehelp,Oliver?ItsmellslikesomethingIshouldbeputtinginastew.”

Heshookhisheadandlaughed.“Isshealwayslikethis,Gavin?”

“Yes.Shefindshumorinlotsofnormaleverydayboringthings.”

“Hey,”IsaidasIsmackedhimontheshoulder.

“No,it’scute.”

Oliverlookedbetweenthetwoofus.“Sowhendidyoutwocometoterms?”

“Justrecently.”Iblushed.

Olivernodded.“Isee.”

“Isthatabadthing?”Gavinasked.

“No, it’s about time actually,” he said as he finished wrapping the crystal. “Everyone but you two

couldseeit.”

“Seewhat?”Iplayedstupid.

“Thelovebetweenyou,”Oliversaidwitharaisedbrow.“Iknowyouknowit.Bothofyou.”

“Iguessittakesalmostlosingsomeonetorealizewhatyouhave,”Gavinadmitted.

“Well, I hope you two have realized how stupid that is. Waiting until something terrible happens to

decidetofaceyourtruthisonlypunishingyourself.Ifyoulostoneanother,thepainwouldbefarworse

thantheguiltorprideyouwerefeelingbystayingapart,woulditnot?”

Ipursedmylips.WhatcouldIsaytothat?Oliverwasright.Ishould’vetoldGavinalongtimeago

howIreallyfelt––owneduptoeverything.Instead,welostyearsapartbecauseIwastooobstinate.Since

IarrivedinSacrife,Ididn’tunderstandwhy,butnowI’mbeginningtounderstand.Ihitrockbottomand

theonlyplaceIcangonowisup,butonlyifIchooseit.

Mybodyfeltodd.Iwassohot.Sweatwasbeadingonmyforeheadandmyteethstartedtochatter.

Panic set it and Oliver reached for my hand. “It’s part of the process, Novi. When you wake in the

morningyou’llbebetter.”

“Butit’smorningnow,”Isaidbetweenbreaths.

“IknowandI’msorry.Themedicinewilltakesometimetowork,Novi.Thecinnamonwillbeginto

heatyoufromtheinsideandthebayleafwillhelptopurgeyourbodyofthefever.It’stheonlywaytoget

youbeyondTheWhite’ssickness.”

Gavinmovedsohecouldholdme.“Andwhatdoesthecrystaldo?Thelastonedidn’twork.”

“Itamplifieseverythingaroundit.Justmakesuretokeepitonherforehead.Itwilldrawonallthe

otherelementswithinandhealherfromtheinsideout,”Oliversighed.“Andtheothercrystaldidwork,

Gavin. When it exploded, it created a dome around you both, shielding you from the outside. The

moonlightchargedittokeepyouhiddenbyeveryoneotherthanthosewhoholdfavorwiththequeens.”

“ButIneverheldfavorwiththem,”Gavinsaidasheheldmyquiveringhands.

Oliver smiled. “You did the moment you chose to save Novaleigh over yourself. Una and Uphren

boundyoutoNoviwiththatact.”

“Oh,God.”Istuttered.“So.If.I.Die.Hewill.Too?”

“No, not that kind of bound. You two have never known it, but you are twin flames. Your love is

timelessandbeyondallrealmsandworlds.BlessedbytheGreatMotherherself.”Oliversmiled.“You

both showing up here was no accident. You are two pieces of the same whole––one negative and one

positive.Energyconstantlyflowingbetweenyou.”

“Idon’tunderstand,”Gavinadmitted.

“Haveyoueverfeltherpainorhappinessevenwhenyouwereapart?”

Gavinlookeddownatme.“Yes.Evennow.”

“Andwhataboutyou,Novaleigh?”

Inoddedwearily.

“Youtworest.Iwillkeepwatch,”Oliversaidashetookthemossblanketandlaiditoverus.“You

willneedto,nowmorethanever,drawononeanotherforstrength.Westillhavehurdlestoclimbbefore

weareabletobreatheeasy."

“Thankyou,Oliver,”Gavinreplied.

Oliversmiledbutdidn’trespond.Insteadhewalkedovertotheextra-largesatchelandpulledouta

quiverfullofarrowsandflungthemoverhisshoulder.Iwantedtoaskwhatheneededthemfor,butmy

eyelidsgrewheavy,andinmomentsIwasasleep.

ChapterEighteen

Iwokeinarush,thesamewayIhadthenighttheelvenvillagewasattacked.WhyamIalwaysasleep

when things are happening around me? There was screaming and again heat––as if my skin was on

fire––Oh God! I sat up and called out for Gavin and Oliver but there was no answer, only the loud

screechingsoundthataccompaniedtheLunatishee.Iflippedofftheblanketandranaroundhopingtofind

them,butnothing.Iwasalone.Hadtheyleftme?Worse?

MyheartwasracingasIranintothedarkness.Ohno,it’snighttimeandIwasn’tsupposedtowake

untilthemorningwithOliver’smedicine.Whatwentwrong?Itrippedoveralogandstumbledonthe

ground,tryingtogainmyfootingsoIcouldrunagain,butinsteadIfeltmoistureonmyfeet.Mytoeswere

tipping the edge of an embankment, and I froze in place. It wasn’t cold like the stream in The White,

insteaditfeltwarmlikebathwater.Istrainedmyeyesandgaspedwhenarayofmoonlightshonefromthe

pitchofthenight.

Thewaterwasnotwateratall,itwasbloodred.JustliketheoneI’dseeninTheWhite.Mybody

wasshakingasItriedtostepbackbutranintosomethinghard.

“Youdidn’tthinkyoucouldescapeusthateasily,didyou?”adeepmenacingvoicetauntedinmyear.

“ItoldyouthatyouweretheoneIwaslookingfor.”Thewardenranhishandsthroughmyhairbutthen

yankedittowrenchmyneckbackwards.Icriedoutandhelaughed.“Weakness.It’swhatyouare.”

Tears were streaming down my face as I tried to tamp down the fear clouding all rational thought.

“Whatdoyouwant?Whyme?”

“Whydoyouasksuchstupidquestions?Youareselfishandhaveletdownsomanypeople.Youmust

bepunished.”

“What?”myvoicequivered.

Hepulledmyhairtighter.“Howmanymorebodiesareyougoingtoleaveinyourwake?Thepoor

foolboundinthewater,Idon’tknowexactlywhatyoudidtohim,buthispainwaspalpableandInever

laidahandonhim.Thentherewastheseer,youdidn’teventrytosaveher.No,youjustlethersuffer.

And my favorite,” he droned, “you killed an entire village of innocent fae because you were too busy

tryingtosaveyourself.”

Ishookmyhead.“No.That’snottrue,”Icried.

“Theverdict––selfish.Thepunishment––death.”

“Idon’twanttodie.”

“Don’tyou?”

“No!”

“Your dreams. Your actions. You don’t value life or the important things that matter because if you

did,wewouldn’tbehere.”

Lithiaappearedbeforemeandgrippedmythroat.“Finally.Ihavebeensohungrysinceyoumanaged

togetaway.I’mpracticallystarved,”shesaidwithamenacinggrin,“andyouwillbeaperfectmeal.”

ItriedtospeakbutbetweenthegripthewardenhadonmyhairandthechokeholdLithiahadonmy

throat, I was fading. What had she meant, ‘I would be a perfect meal’? What the hell was happening?

WherewereOliverandGavin?

Asifoncue,Lithialaughed.“Icanseeyoutryingtofigurethisoutsoletmemakeiteasyforyou.No

oneiscomingtosaveyou.Youfell.YoulandedhereinSacrife,hadachanceatredemptionbutfailed.

Nowyouaremine.”Shereleasedmythroatandranalongclaw-likenaildownmycheek,drawingblood.

Shelickedthebloodandmoaned.“SomuchsweeterthanIassumed.Imayneedtosavorthis.Warden,

careforataste?”

“Ididfindredemption,”Icroaked.“Imademypeace,anddeathornodeath,Ihavethat.”Withwhat

energy I had left, I wrenched out of the warden’s grasp and pushed Lithia backwards. “What have you

donetoGavinandOliver?”Iscreamed.

Athunderousroarechoedfromtheheavensandrippedthroughtheair.Somethingwasoverheadandit

was massive by the sound of it. In a blinding flash, the sky lit up and we were no longer bathed in

darkness. Instead, the horizon was suffused with ombre shades of purple and green. At first glance it

almostlookedlikeanoverexposedimageoftheauroraborealis.There,inthesky,wasablackandgrey

wolf the size of a dragon. This is it. The final smidgen of my mind has cracked. A wolf with wings,

snarlingandgrowling?I’VELOSTMYDAMNMIND!

Lithiahissedandthewardenunsheathedabulkydaggerfromhiship,readyinghimselfforbattle.

“Whatisthat?”Imumbledundermybreath.

“Donotmove,”Lithiafumedasshegrippedmywrist.

“Whyisshehere?”thewardensnapped.

As the wolf flew overhead, I saw the faint wisp of someone riding it––flashes of white and bits of

pink. The queens? No, there was only one. Who could this be? The divide between The White and

Hortushadbecomevisibleintheilluminatedskyasthewolfshiftedandlookedforaclearing.Thefrozen

tundra and the bright cheer of spring clashed as they were juxtaposed to one another. Finally, the great

beastfoundaspotandlandedwithathudinthesnow.Hebowedtoletthepersonridingdismountand

growledonelasttime,turninghisheadtowardsthethreeofus.Itwaslikeawarning,butIdoubtedthe

person standing next to him needed the backup, since Lithia and the warden seemed on edge with their

arrival.

Whenthepersonsteppedintothesnow,Iknewitwasawoman,butIstillwascluelessastowhoit

couldbe.Shewalkedslowlytowardsthethreeofuswithnofearinhereyesorherwalk.Sheheldatall

stickinherrighthand,anditmadeasharptinkingsoundwitheachstepshetook.Theclosershegot,I

wasabletoseewhatwasmakingthenoise.Thestaffwascoveredinkeysofallshapesandsizes.They

wereornateandfrozen,whichIassumedwaspartoftheunnervingsounditmadeasthemetalsclanged

againstoneanother.

The woman stood before us now, only a few feet away, and I was taken aback. She was the most

beautifulwomanI’deverseen.EvenmorebeautifulthanthetwinqueenswhenImetthem.Herfacewas

starkwhite,likeLithia’s,buthercheeksandhairweretintedpink.Thewomanwaswearingadressmade

offrostedpinkroses.Wasshefrozen?Partiallythawed?I’mlosingit.

WhenLithiawenttospeak,thehalffrozenwoman,thrustherstaffintotheairandslammeditintothe

ground.Shatteringtheiceandmeltingitinstantly.Thewarmthbegantospreadoutwardsfromherasshe

glaredatLithia.“Ifyouaregoingtoaddressme,youwilldoitproperly,andifyoudonotcalloffyour

dog,”shesaidwithasideglancetothewarden,“IwillremindyouofexactlywhoIamandwhatIcan

do.”

Thewardensnarledandmovedinawaythatstartledme.Idroppedtomyknees,hopingtoavoidthe

bloodshedIwascertainwouldfollow.LithiaandthewardencalledoutfortheLunatisheetoattackand

allhellbrokeloose.

OutofthetreescametwoLunatisheewhoappearedtohavedoubledinsizefromtheonesIsawback

inTheWhite.Theywereenormousandhurlingtheirpoisonousspikesatthedragonsizedwolf,butthey

werenomatchforhim.Hewhippedonewiththistail,flingingitbackintothetreesandtheotheronehe

ripped apart with his teeth. When he was done, he licked his massive paws as if nothing had just

happened. I was dumbstruck. The beautiful woman never flinched, instead she glared at the two before

herasifponderinghernextmove.

Thewardenlungedatthewomanbutwasgoneinaflash.Thewomansimplysnappedherfingersand

hewasobliterated.Ashesdissipated,leavingnothingbutthatputridyellowsmokelingeringintheair.

“Nooooo,”Lithiascreamed.

“Iwarnedyou,Lithia.AsIhavewarnedyoumostofyourlife.Yourambitionexceedsyourability.”

“Youalwayssaythat,Mother,andyouarealwayswrong!”

Mother?

“I’mneverwrong.”

“Iwanther,”Lithiawhinedasshepointedtome.

“Sheisnotyourstohave.”

“Butsheis.Shecametome.”

“NoIdidn’t!”Itookachanceandscreamed.

“Yes.You.Did,”sheraged.“YoucametoSacrifewithyourpainandanger.Mysistersmayhavetried

to cover your angst with pastel colors and promises of peace, but what you really want is to be

swallowedbyyourdarkness.Itastedit.Yourbloodissweetwithpainandmisery.Youwanttowallow

in the loss of all the things you should have, could have, would have done. You are a weak fool who

needsme.I’mthebestpartofyou,Novaleigh,”shesaidasshespatmynameindisgust.

“Howcouldyoubethebestpartofme?You’remiserable.Youwantotherstohurtandbeaspitifulas

you.Iwantnothingtodowithyou.”

She smirked. “That’s the beauty of me. I live in the shadows waiting for my moment. You visit,

whisperyourdeepestsecretsandIwait.‘Idon’twanttoliveanymorelikethis.Ican’tcontinuetofeel

thisemptyinside.Iwanttofallintoadreamandnevercomeback.HereIfeelnothingbutpain,maybe

if I was gone I could be free.’ Do you remember those words, Novaleigh? Do you remember your

wretcheddream?”

Istoodthere,silent.Thosehadbeenmythoughts.Mydarkestthoughts.ThemomentsIkeeptomyself

for fear others would judge me. I was in a dark place after my grandparents died. I lost them––lost

everyonethatmatteredtome.IlostGavinbutmostimportantly,Ilostmyself.GavinwastheoneIwanted

toturntowhenmyheartwasbreaking,butI’dlefthim––dismissedhimforsomethingmore.WhocouldI

turn to? Ethan was vapid. He only cared for himself, and I didn’t want to burden my parents with my

problems.Aftertheirdivorce,Iwasleftreeling.Why,Idon’tknow.They’reproblemshadnothingtodo

withme.Iwasnotthereasontheirmarriagefailed.Theystilllovedme.Iknewthatwitheveryfiberof

mybeing.Theyjustdidn’tloveeachother.

Gavinlovedme,andIwasscared,scaredI’dbelostinhimandforgetme,soIranasfarawayasI

could.IhadnoideawhenImadethatchoicethatI’donlyhurtmyself.Andnow,withNannaandPappa

gone,hopeforthefairytaleseemedlikeadream,soImadeitone.IwentthereasoftenasIcouldtofeel

whatIwasincapableoffeelingintherealworld.Inmydream,IcouldbewhomeverIwantedtobe,do

magicalthingsandsaythewordsIshould’vesaidwhenIhadthechance.Mydreamwasmysolace.

“Thereshegoesagain,”Lithiasangout.“SeeItoldyou,Mother.Lostinherthoughtsuntilshedrowns

inthem.LikeIsaid,youcametome,Novaleigh,nottheotherwayaround.”

Ishookmyhead.“No,”Irepeatedoverandoveragain,hopingitwasn’ttrue,butLithiawasright.I

didgetlostinmydarkthoughtsuntiltheywereallIcouldthinkabout.

“TellMotherhowyougothere.Tellherabouthowyoufell.”

“Idon’twantto,”Icried.“Iamnotproudoflettingthosethoughtsrulemymind.Idon’twantanything

todowithyou,Lithia.Inevermeantforanyofittocometrue.”

“But your thoughts have power, and that power shifted into focus until you fell,” Lithia laughed.

“You’reminenow,”shesaidasshereachedforme.

“Not so fast, Lithia,” the woman said in warning. “She may have fallen into Sacrife by choice

initially,butnowshehasachancetomakeadifferentone.Whatisyourdesirenow,Novaleigh?"

Myhandsshook,butIwasn’tsurewhatwascausingit.Angeratmysecretsbeingexposed,fearofthe

truth, or the fact that I was indeed weak? I wanted to look at the woman and ask her how this was all

possible and why did it matter what I desired now, but instead I just looked at the ground. I may have

dreamedthisdreamathousandtimes,butnowthatIwashere,Iwantedtogohome.Iwantedsomething

more. The conversation with Gavin. The talking otters, the fairies, and the elven village––all of it was

apparently just me fabricating stories in my mind. I wasn’t dreaming. Based on what Lithia said, I was

dying––butbychoiceatthat.Iwasweak.Ididn’tdeserveanotherchance.

“Novaleigh?”thewomanasked.“Whateveryouaretellingyourself,don’tlisten.Yourmindcanplay

tricksonyou,orinthiscasemydaughtercan.Sheisthepartofyouthatyouwishtohide,andwhenyou

giveheravoicewithyourthoughts,shecandrownyouwiththem.”Lithiabegantolaugh,butquicklyfell

silent. I looked up and saw her mouth stitched with black threads. She looked like something out of a

horror movie. “Her voice is now silenced. What do you want? What is your heart telling you, not your

mind?”

“Iwanttolive.Iwanttomakebetterchoices,followmyheartanddothingsthatarespontaneousand

adventurous,”Iblurted.“IwanttotellGavinIlovehimandthatweweremeanttobetogetherinspiteof

everythingbetweenus.Iwanttolive.”

The woman smiled. “Good choice. One Una and Uphren knew you’d choose in the end. Oliver has

guidedyouwell,andIampleased.”

“Thisisallreal?”

Shenodded.“Onceyoucometotheplacewhereyoucansilenceyourinnerdemons.Youcanmakethe

rightchoices.Youcanbefreetolive.Youjusthavetochooseit.Youhavetowantitmorethanyouwant

thesorrow.”

“YoumeanLithiaistheembodimentofmypain?”

“Inaway,yes.”

“But I thought white meant purity and peacefulness. There is nothing about her that is peaceful,” I

repliedasIlookedatLithiawhowasrippingatthestitchesthatboundhermouthshut.

“You’rerightinaway.Whiterepresentsbothapositiveandnegativeaspectofallthecolors.Justas

you are light and dark, so is she. Her darkness, however, is ingrained into who she is. She chooses to

expressherselfassomeoneinnocentwhensheisfarfromit.Saythewordandyoucansealherfate.”

“Idon’twanttokillher.”

“Idon’twantyoutokillhereither.Ido,however,wantyoutosilenceher.”

“Haven’tyoualreadydonethat?”IsaidasIlookedbackoveratLithia.

“Closeyoureyesanddecidetolethergo,Novaleigh.Onlyyoucanquiether.Thedarknessinsideof

youwillneverdie,butwithenoughlightyoucankeepherandyourdemonswheretheybelong––buried.”

Shesmiled.“Thetrickwillbetofindtheplacewheretheycan’tburyyou.”

Ilookedatherskeptically.“Whoareyou?HowdoIknowthatyouaren’tanothertrickinmymind?I

amalittleunsureofpeoplethesedays.Thingsinmymindhavebeenreallyofflately.”

“IamtheGreatMotherandyoudon’thavetodoubtme.Iamnotrick.”

“But…”

“Lithiatoldyoushebroughtyouhere,butthatwasalie.Ibroughtyouheresoyoucouldgrowand

change.Yousaidyouwantedtolive.Wasthattrue?”

“Well,yes,”Istammered.

“Thensendherawayandchoosetolive.”

Tearsstreameddownmyface.Ihadnoideahowtotrulysilenceher,orthem,orwhateverthiswas,

butIdidwanttostartagain.Iclenchedmyfistsandclosedmyeyes.Ithoughtaboutallthethingsthathad

happenedhereinSacrifeandwisheditallwasjustareallybaddreamandthatwhenIwokeup,Iwould

be home, safe and sound. I also wished that when I woke, I’d find Gavin and we’d talk and I could

explaintohimasIhadexplainedtoGavinhereallthethingsIwishI’ddonedifferently.Iwouldmake

thisright.IopenedmyeyesandwatchedasLithiadissipatedjustasthewardenhad,intoahazeofdust.

Theonlydifferencewasthathersexplodedintoshadesofgrey.Aperfectblendofthedarkandlight.

“Isshegone?”Iasked.

“Mostofherbutnotinthewayyou’reassuming.Heressenceiswhatdissipated,butsheisstillalive.

Itwilltakesometimeforhertopullherselftogether,butonceshedoes,she’llbebacktoheroldtricks,”

theGreatMotherexplained.“I’mcuriousthough,whatdidyoudotomakeherleave?”

“Iaskedforthisalltobeadream.”

“Isee.”

“Wasthatnotenough?”

“No,thereisanotherparttothepuzzleyouhavetofigureoutbeforeyoucangohome,”shesaidasshe

tookmyhandinhers,“andNovaleigh,thisisnotadream.”

ChapterNineteen

TheskywasclearandTheWhiteseemedfaroffinthedistanceasIlookedoutatthegreatbeast.He

wassittingverystill,somuchso,healmostlookedlikeastatue.TheGreatMotherwavedherstaffand

thelargewolftuckedhiswingsandmovedinourdirection.Hewasgrowingsmallerwitheachstephe

tookandwouldstopeverylittlebittoshakeoffthesnowfromhisfur.Bythetimehereachedherside,he

was the size of large puppy. He looked up at her with affection, and she bent down to dust off the last

clumpofsnowthatrestedonthetopofhishead.

“ThisisRafe.”

“Hello?”Irepliedinashakyvoice.“How…howdidhejust…”

TheGreatMothersmiled.“Rafeisachimera.He’smybabyandmyprotector,”shesaidasshepicked

himuptopethim.“You’resafewithhimaslongasyouareinmyfavor.”

“ThenIpromisetostayinyourgoodgraces.I’veseenhisotherside,”Iblurted.

“Areyoureadytogo?”

“Um,pardonmyrudeness,butcanwegobacktothepartwhereIshouldbewakingupandmovingon

andthisisnotadream.”

“Sure,”shesaidasshestrokedRafe’sfur,“Canwewalkandtalkthough?Weneedtomeetupwith

OliverandGavinabituptheroad.”

“They’realive?”

“Ofcourse.Whywouldyouthinkotherwise?”

“Thebloodinthestream.Therewassomuchofit.”

“NothingbutatrickofthemindLithia’spetusedtoscarehisprey.”

“Effectivetrick,”Iquipped.“Didyoukillthewarden?”

“Yes,” she said flatly. “He did more harm than good, and there is no room in my world for people

who want to torture others for their own pleasure. Pain and heartache are natural byproducts of life,

Novaleigh, but they shouldn’t be a staple. We’re all better off here without him. Have you ever had

someonelikethatinyourlife?”

Isniggered.“Yeah,afewactually.”

“Sothenyouknowlettinggoofthingsthatdon’tsuityouormoveyouforwardisfreeing,yes?”

Ismiled.“Absolutely.”

“Canyouthinkofotherthingsyoushouldletgoof?”sheprobed.

Igaveheranincredulouslook.“ButIdid.IopenedmyhearttoGavinandtoldhimeverything.He

forgavemeandwewereinagoodplacebeforethefeversetin.”

“Ahyes,thehealingherbsOliverusedworkedwell.Youaremuchimproved.”

Istoppedmid-step.“WhyamIstillherethough?Ithoughtif…”

“YouandGavinworkedthingsoutandyouwishedawayLithiaandthedarkness,butyouhaveyetto

completethemostimportantpart.”

“Whichis?”

“Youhavetoforgiveyourself.Untilyoucandothat,youwillremainherewithus.”

Ishookmyheadandmovedtofollow.Iwantedtobedonewiththis,butIguessIwasnowhereclose

totheendofthisinsanity.Aswewalked,theGreatMother’sdresschanged.Shewentfrombeingtheicy

whitequeen,withkeysjinglingandpartiallyfrozenflowerscoveringherdress,toawarmandcheerful

persona.Herdresswasnowshadesofgreenandmutedyellows.Shelookedlikeavisionofspring––a

treeinbloomaftermonthsofhibernation––herhairnowavibrantauburnandhereyesthemostbeautiful

shadeofhazel.

“Canyouchangeintoanything?”

“Yes.”Shesmiled.“Socanyou.”

“Yeah,right.”

“It’strue.Yourthoughtscarryenergyandpower.Tryit.”Ilookedatherlikeshewasmad.“Change

mylooksimplybythinkingit?Sure.”

“Areyoualwaysthisskeptical?”sheasked.

Inoddedmyhead.

“Trustandfaith,Novaleigh.I’dadviseyoulearnhowtoacceptthesethingsmorefreely,orIwillbe

tellingOlivertobuildyouatreehousebecauseyou’llbestayingawhile.”

Myeyeswentwide.“Fine.HowdoIstart?”

“Closeyoureyesandthinkaboutwhatyou’dliketochange.Focusyourthoughtsonitandbreathe.”

Iclosedmyeyesandslowedmybreathing,butIcouldn’tfocusmythoughts.WhatwouldIchange?

Myhairwasstillpinkfromwhenthetwinqueenschangeditandwhileitwascool,itwasn’tme.Maybe

purple?Ilovedthecolorpurple.Icouldgobacktoblonde,orIcouldgodark.Ineverhadthegutstodye

my hair black. I was always afraid of what people would think. I opened one eye to look at the Great

Mother.

“Anythingchange?”

Shelaughed.“Areyougoingtopickoneofthoseorstickwithallthree?”

“What?”

ShepointedtothestreamandIrantolook.Istaredatmyreflection.Thetopwasasoftlavenderthat

blendedintoagoldenblondeandendedwithtipsofblack.Itwasawful.Ilookedlikeabizarreversionof

Neapolitanicecream.Iclosedmyeyesagainandpickedmyfavorite.WhenIopenedmyeyes,thereit

was,exactlyasIwantedit.Softcurlsfellatmyshoulderandtheblackhueshimmeredwithhintsofblue.

Myhairlookedlikearaven’sfeather.

“Beautifulchoice,”shecomplimented.

Ibeamed.“Youdon’tthinkit’stoodark?”

“Ithinkifit’swhatyourheartdesiresthenitisperfect.”

Itwirledtheendofoneofthelocks.“Thankyou.”

“Nowareyoureadytogo?”sheaskedasshesetRafebackdownontheground.

“Yes.”

Rafe looked up at us briefly, waited for an acknowledgement, and then ran off ahead of us, barking

andscamperingalongasheplayedwiththesmallwoodlandcreaturesheencounteredalongtheway.

“ArewegoingtoHortus?”

“Yes,it’llbetheplacewhereyoucometotermswithallyou’vebeenstrugglingwith.Ithinkyou’ll

reallylikeitthere.”

Inodded.I’dlikedeveryplaceI’dvisitedexceptforTheWhite,buthonestly,atthispoint,Icouldn’t

seehowanothervillagewasgoingtochangemythoughtsandbringmeanyclosertogoinghome,butIhad

totry.Besides,IwasenjoyingspendingtimewiththeGreatMother,therewassomethingverycalming

aboutbeinginherpresence.

“CanIaskyousomething?”

“Ofcourse,”sherepliedkindly.

“IsyournameGreatMother?”

“Tomost,buttoothersmynameisBeira”shesaidasthecornerofhermouthlifted.“It’snotoften,

though,thatpeopleusemygivenname.”

“MayIcallyou,Beira?”

“I’dlikethat.”

“WillyoucallmeNovi?It’swhatallmyfriendscallme,andIthinkI’dreallylikeitifyoudidtoo.”

Beira’ssmilewidened.“Novaleighisabeautifulname.Whydoyouwishtoshortenit?”

“BecausesometimesIdon’tfeellikeIliveuptoitspotential,andNovaleighisamouthful.”Ilaughed

aswecontinuedonthetrail.

“Firstskepticalandnowself-deprecating,whydoyoudothistoyourself?”

Ishruggedmyshoulders.“Idon’tknow.Ijustdo.Ihavealltheconfidenceintheworldaboutsome

things,butthenonothers,Ijust…don’t.”

“You shouldn’t doubt yourself. You have many talents and such wonderful gifts to share. The things

youthinkarebad,othersfindendearing.”

“Iguess.”

“Sowhydoyoufeelasthoughyoudon’tliveuptoyourpotential,Novi?”

“Iwasnamedpartiallyfromthewordsupernovaandmynanna’smiddlename.MymomandNanna

weresuperclosesotheycombinedthenamesandvoila,”Isaidflippantly.“Ihaven’treallylivedupto

my‘rarecelestialphenomenonnamesake,’”Iairquoted.

“Haveyoutried?”

Iwenttoreplybutstopped.HadItried?I’dfollowedwhatIthoughtwasmypath,anditendedupasa

deadend.Notjustadeadendbutonethatspiraledintoavortexofcrazy.Ilandedhere,inalandofmake

believe,sinceIwasincapableofmakingmylifewhatIwantedittobe,Icreatedone––inmymind.

“Itoldyou,Novi.Thisisnotadream.”

Mymouthdroppedopen.“Ididn’tsaythatoutloud.”

“Youdidn’thaveto,”Beirareplied.“Icanhearyourthoughts.”

Mylipstartedtoquiver.OnceagainIfeltlikeIwasfallingapart.Openandrawforalltosee.

“Novi,”avoicebeckonedoffinthedistance.“Thankgodyou’resafe.”

Gavin and Oliver were running towards Beira and me, Gavin at a faster clip and making a beeline

rightinmydirection.Whenhereachedme,hepickedmeupandkissedmebreathless.

“Pleasedon’teverscaremelikethatagain.I’velostyoutwicenow.Ican’tloseyouanymore.”He

kissed me again, long and intimate, as if no one else was around, but everyone was around––staring.

GavinsetmedownandlookedatBeiraandOliver.“Sorry,”hesaidunabashedly.

Oliver and Beira grinned before turning to walk ahead of us. Rafe came barking past, acting like a

puppy.

“Cutedog,”Gavinsaidasheranbetweenus.

“That’snodog,”Isaidhalfaloud.

ChapterTwenty

Gavin intertwined our fingers as we walked, ignoring my comment about Rafe. Maybe he already

knew.“Gavin.Wherewereyou?ItriedtofindyouandOliver,butyouwerebothgone.Didyouleave

me?”

Gavinstoppedandpulledmetohim.“No.Iwouldneverhaveleftyou.Olivereither.Weweretaken

bythesefreakylookingclowncharactersandboundtosometrees.Icouldhearyoucallingforus,butour

mouthswerecoveredandourhandsandfeetbound.Wewerehelplesstodoanything.”

“Howdidyougetfree?”

“FaewarriorsfromHortus.Theyfoundusandbroughtusbackhere.Wetriedtogoafteryoubutwere

toldtheGreatMotherhadyouandyouwouldbealongsoon.”

Ihuggedhimtighter.“Shesavedme.”

“I’mgrateful,”hesaidashekissedmeagain.

“Gavin,”Isaidbetweenkisses.“I’msorryIbroughtyouhere.Ididn’tmeanto.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“Ididn’tmeantobringyouheretoSacrife––you’reherebecauseofme.Youweretakenbecauseof

me.”Tearsbegantoslidedownmycheeks.“BeirasaidthatuntilIcanmakepeacewithmyself,I...Imean

we,arestuckhere.”

Gavingrippedmychinandlifteditsowewerefacetoface.“Idon’tcare,Novi.AslongasIamhere

withyou,Idon’tcarewhereweare.”

“Iloveyou,youknowthatright?”

“ForalongtimeIthoughtyoudidn’t,butInowknowyoudo.Iknowyou’resorryandformewhat’s

inthepastinjustthat,inthepast.Fromthismomentforward,wearetogether.Whateverweencounterwe

willencounterittogether.Forgiveyourself,Novi.Ialreadyhave.”

Ibitdownhardonmyinnerlipandtriedtorefrainfromlosingit.Beirahadsaidthesamething.Why

isitthateveryonekeepstellingmetoforgivemyself?HowcanIforgivemyselfforsomethingIcannot

makeupfor?

“Novi?What’swrong?”

“Nothing,”IsaidasIwipedmyeyes.“Maybeweshouldgo.”

“Sure,” Gavin replied as he held my hand again. He squeezed it once, hard. His way of letting me

knowhewouldgivemethespaceIneededtotalktohimintime.Gavinknewmebetterthananyone;he

knewifIwasavoidingmyfeelings,IneededtimetoprocessthembeforeIwouldtalkaboutthem.Itwas

justmyway.Thankfully,Gavinunderstoodthat.“It’sgettingdarkandI’mhungry.Thesefaereallyknow

howtocook.”

Ichuckled.“Icouldeat.”

Gavinreachedforalockofmyhair.“Whathappenedtothepink?”Hegrinned.

“Beirataughtmehowtochangeit?”Irepliedreluctantly.

“Ilikeit.Darkandmysterious.It’ssexy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,like,Iwanttotakeyoubehindthosetreesoverthere,sexy,”heteased.

Ismackedhimontheshoulder.“Ohstop.”

“Hey,I’mjustbeinghonest.”

Westrolledhandinhandthroughtheforestwithacomfortableeasebetweenus.Itwaslikeitusedto

be,notension,justtwopeoplewhotrulylovedbeingwithoneanother.Aswecontinuedon,Ishiftedmy

focus from Gavin and me to our location. Hortus was not hidden like Cadent and I wondered why, but

BeiraandOliverhadmovedoutofourviewsoIcouldn’tposethequestion.Wasituniquetotheother

placesorhadwealreadycrossedthroughtheportalandwerenowwithinthehiddenboundaries?

Gavin and I walked until we were greeted by the most unusual looking fae––scantily clad females

wereadornedingoldchains,whileamossy-likematerialcovereduponlybitsandpiecesoftheirpale

skin. The males were sleek and slender, their shirtless torsos heavily tattooed and marked with silver

symbols.Theywerebeautifulintheirnaturalstateandunashamedoftheirbodies.Afaewomanwalked

byandwasunliketheothers.Shehadhorns,butIcouldn’ttellatfirstglanceiftheywerepartofherorif

theybelongedtoaheaddress,becausealongwiththehornstherewasamassoffeathersandtreebark.

She was stunningly beautiful and was wearing more gold than the previous women I’d seen pass by. I

wished Oliver was here so I could pepper him with questions. I bet he knew each one of these fae by

name.

We followed the smell and found ourselves in a large dome shaped building. It looked like a great

hall, with tables and chairs spread all around. There were lanterns hanging from the ceiling and two

ornate wooden thrones positioned at the very front of the room. Fae were bustling about with food and

drink, none of them seemed to be concerned by my and Gavin’s appearance into their dining hall.

Suddenly, everyone froze and bowed. From behind the thrones, two curtains were pulled back and out

walkedBeirafollowedbyamaleandthefemaleI’dseenearlierwiththeornateheaddress.Theywalked

together,handinhand,andmovedtositinthechairswithBeirastandingjusttotherightofthem.Who

weretheythattheGreatMotherwasnotseatedyettheywere?

“Thankyouallforjoiningusthisnight,”themalespokeinadeepvoice.“I’dlikeyoualltowelcome

our guests, Novaleigh and Gavin.” He raised his hand and pointed to us, and the crowd turned in our

direction.

Iliftedmyhandandgaveafaintwave.Ididn’tknowwhattosayorwhattodo.Gavinseemedabit

morecomfortable,butIassumedthatwasbecausehe’dalreadymingledwiththembeforeIarrived.Beira

inclinedherheadinourdirection,andIrespondedinkind.

“Please,makeyourselvesathome,mypeoplewelcomeyouwithopenarms.”

“Thankyou,”Isaidoverthedinofthecrowd.

AssoonasIspoke,thefaeofferedgreetingsandwentbacktowhattheyweredoing.

“Followme,”Oliversaidashecameupbehindus.

“Oliver,wherehaveyoubeen?”

“Nevermindthat.Let’seat.”

“Heywait,”IsaidasIreacheddownandtouchedhisshoulder.“WhyistheGreatMothernotsitting

andwhoarethetwopeoplethatare?”

“Thevillagehadnoideashewascomingandweren’tprepared.Shetoldthemnottofuss,she’llfind

aseatsomewhere,andthatishersonandhiswife.Theyarethekingandqueenofthisland,”hereplied

beforemovingtowardstheheadoftheroom.

“Oh,”Istammered.

“Followme.We’resittingnearthefront,”Oliversaidashemadehiswaythroughthecrowd.

GavinandIfolloweduntilwereachedalongrectangulartablesetafewfeetawayfromwherethe

kingandqueenwereseated.Istaredatthembothuntilweeventuallymadeeyecontact.Icouldn’thelp

myself.Theirbeautywasintoxicating,justlikealltheotherfaeI’vemethereinSacrife,andyettherewas

something different about them…something otherworldly. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of them. I

inclinedmyheadandmouthedthankyoutothembothbeforefinallylookingaway.

“Novi,sithere,”Oliversaidwithasmile.

To one side of me was Gavin, and then across the table was Oliver and a female otter. She was

smaller than him and her coloring was more fawn than taupe. I could tell though, by the way they

interacted, they were connected somehow. She was dressed in a pale green dress with an intricate leaf

designcutintothelayersofherskirt.Shehandedhimaplateandkissedthetipofhisearbeforesheleft

togobacktothebanquettable.Oliverblushed,andIstaredrightathimuntilhewasforcedtolookatme.

“What?”Oliverasked.

“Whowasthat,Oliver?”Iteased.

Hewasshovelinginfoodwhenhestoppedmidbite.“Ciannaismymate.”

MybrowliftedasIstaredhimdown.“Whydidn’tyoutellmeyouweremarried?”

“We’renotlikehumans,Novi.Marriageisnotreallyathingforus.Otterssimplymateforlife.”

I smacked the paw he had lying on the table. “You should’ve told me you had someone waiting for

you.Icannotbelieveyouhavebeenouttherewithmeriskingyourlifeandshe’sbeenhere––worriedI

canassume.”

GavinchuckledathowOliverwassquirminginhisseat.

CiannacamebacktothetableandtookaseatnexttoOliver.Shewasquietandpeacefulwithdelicate

features,andImarveledatwhatakindsoulshemusthavetobemarriedtosuchaselflesspersonlike

Oliver.

“Cianna,” Oliver offered. “I’d like you to meet Novaleigh and Gavin. They are the ones I’ve been

helping.”

“Oh,” she stammered as she set down her fork and reached across the table, her paw extended in

greeting. “It’s delightful to meet you. Oliver has been telling me wonderful things about you. Are you

feelingbetter?”Ciannasaidinaliltingtone.

Itookherpawandshookitgently.“It’spleasuretomeetyou.Thankyou,too,forlettingusborrow

him. He’s been wonderful and very helpful to Gavin and me.” Gavin leaned in and offered his hand to

Ciannaaswell.

After we all exchanged pleasantries, Gavin and I left to go grab some food. When we returned, the

king, queen, and Beira were also sitting at the table. Oliver and Cianna had shifted to make room for

everyone.MybreathhitchedagainwhenIlookedatthestunningyoungcouple.Whatisitwiththetwoof

them?

“Hello,” I said as Gavin and I sat in the seats across from everyone. “Thank you for welcoming us

here.Ipromisewewon’tbeanytrouble.”

“Ithinkthemostofitisbehindyounow.Justabitmoretogo,andyou’llbeonyourwaybackhome,”

Beirasaidwithasmile.

Inodded,unabletospeak.Justabitmoretogo.Icandothis.Icanfacewhat’snext.

ChapterTwentyOne

Beiraexcusedherselfshortlyafterdinner,andthekingandqueenretiredsoonthereafteraswell.In

fact,theentirehallseemedtodissipate,leavingjustthefourofus.Ithadbeenalongdayforeveryone,

andinmyheartIknewGavinandIneededtosleeptoo,butIhadsomanyquestions.OliverandCianna

offeredtostaytoanswerthemforme.IwantedtounderstandmoreaboutthisplaceandwhyIwashereto

beginwith.WhyIwassodrawntothekingandqueen;whythelandsweresodifferentfromoneanother;

andhowcomethefaevillageseachseemedtobeaworlduntothemselves?OliverandCiannaobligedall

my curiosities and were very helpful in providing the answers I so desperately needed. Oliver said I

wasn’treadyuntilnowtohearthem.Ihadstoppedlisteningandonlyjudged,butafterallI’dendured,that

hadchanged.ItwastimeIknewaboutSacrifeandwhyitwassospecial.

ThefaewholivedinHortusweredifferentthantheotherfaecreaturesinSacrifebecausetheywere

the originals. The king and his betrothed were so intoxicating because it was their nature. Beira’s first

bornson,Dermot,wasmadeinherimageandistheonewhorulesoverallthemagicwithinSacrife.His

twinsisters,UnaandUphrenarefavoredinhiseyesandgrantedmanyblessings.TheyruleoverAestas

andthelandsin-between.

HismiddlesisterLithia,however,wasbannedtothewhiteandforbiddentoeverleaveoritwould

resultinherdeath.Apparently,shetriedtokillDermot’swife,Demile,totakeherplaceandruleathis

side.DarkandtragicandveryShakespeareanincontext,butnonethelessaseriousoffensepunishableby

death.BeiraapparentlypleadedforLithia’slife,notbecauseshedeservedit,butbecauseitwouldupset

the balance within Sacrife if she were to die. Beira was the mother of it all and balance had to be

maintained,soshevowedtoliveinTheWhitewithLithiatokeepherundercontrol.Dermotagreed,but

sworeifLithiaevercameclosetohisfamilyagain,hewouldkillherwithhisbarehandsandnotwithhis

magic.

GolarwastheyoungestofBeira’sfivechildren,andwhilehervillageishiddenfromview,shewas

nolessimportanttothecyclesthatfueledthelands.TogethertheyruledovertheseasonswithinSacrife.

Summer, fall, winter, and spring. Growth, harvest, death, and awakening. Every step I’ve taken since I

arrivedhereinSacrifewasdestinedtobe,accordingtoOliver.Myfallwasthebeginningofmygrowth,

mytriptoCadentwasaboutreapingwhatIhadsown,andIneededtodieinHiemsinordertowakeup

hereinHortus.AsBeirastated,Ihavemoretolearn,butIhopeI’mwellonmywaytofindingthatplace

ofpeacewithinme.ItrulywelcomewhatistocomenextoratleastIhopeI’muptothechallenge.

IhuggedCiannaandOliverandbidthemgoodnight,thankingthembothforhelpingme––helpingus,I

thought as I reached for Gavin’s hand. Without the journey and this crucial moment of understanding, I

wouldstillbequestioningeverythingbeforeme.IknownowthatImusttrustwhatcomesnext,forthereis

aplangreaterthantheoneIcanseeatwork.OlivershowedGavinandmetothehomewewouldlivein

whilewewerehere,beforeheandCiannatookofffortheirburrow.Oliversaidhewouldbegonefora

fewdaysbutwouldreturnwhenthemoonwashighestinthesky.Ismiledandwavedastheylefthandin

hand.

GavinandIwalkedintothestonecottageandwerewelcomedwitharoaringfireandlitcandles.

“Oh,thisplaceisbeautiful,”IsaidasIturnedslowlytotakeitallin.

“Itis,”Gavinsaidashecaughtmemid-spin.“Italmostremindsmeofthatplaceweusedtoclaimas

ourfuturehomewhenwewereteenagers.”Mysmiledropped.“No,no.ThatisnotwhyIsaidit.We’re

done living in the past, Novi. From this moment forward, we only choose things that move us in that

direction,understand?”hesaidashekissedme.

“But that place was our dream. We claimed it when we were seventeen and said one day we’d get

marriedandraiseafamilythere.”

“Andthingschange,Novi.Nowwe’llneedtofindanewdream.”

Isighed.“Howaboutwedecidetostayhere?Ilikeithere.I’mhappyforthefirsttimeinalongtime,

Gavin.”

Hekissedmeagainandagainuntilthetearsthathadbeenrisingtothesurfacedissolvedintoanother

emotion.Gavinliftedmeandcarriedmetothebedintheotherroom.Nowordswerespoken,butIknew

exactlywhathewastellingmebythewayhetouchedme,thewayhishandsandlipscaressedmybody.

Thiswasmyperfectmoment.TheoneI’dchoosetobesuspendedintimein,ifthatwaseverpossible––

Gavin and I joined together, mind, body, and soul. He was home. He was the peace. Not the “you

completeme”clichébutthe“nooneelsemakesmefeellikemyself”kindofcompletesme.

I’vealwaysbeenthegirlwhowalksintoacrowdedroomandfeelsalone.I’msocialandoutgoing,

butinsideI’malwaysscreaming‘whencanIleave’.Notwithhim.Gavinmakesmewanttostay.That’s

whatscaredmesomuchwhenIwasyounger.Howcanthatmuchcalmandcomfortexistinoneperson?I

stilldon’tknow,butIreallydon’tcarenow.AllIwantistohavehimasmysafeplacetofall.

GavinandIspendtherestofthenightentangledinoneanother––lostinourredemption.Whenthesun

begantoshineinthewindows,Iknewitwastimetostarttheday,butIwascontentinhisarmsanddidn’t

wanttomove.Aknockatthedoorchangedthat.Gavincoveredhimselfwithoneofthecoveringsonthe

bedandanswereditonthesecondknock.

“Goodmorning,Beira,”Gavinsaidinalightheartedvoice.

“Goodmorningtoyou,Gavin.Isthecottagetoyourliking?”shereplied.

“It’sgreat.Muchbetterthanourpreviousaccommodations,”heteased.

TheybothwerelaughingwhenIwalkedintotheroom.

“Goodmorning,Novi.”

Ismiled.“Youremembered.”

Sheinclinedherheadwithagrin.

“Whatbringsyouhere?”IaskedasGavinexcusedhimselftoputonsomeclothes.

“You.Areyoureadyfortoday?”

“Oh.Sowe’restartingrightaway?”

Shelookedatmeinquisitively.“Areyounottheonewhosaidyouwerereadytoleave?”

“Um,yes,”Istammered.“Idid.”

“Somethingchanged?”

“I’matpeacehereinHortus,andI’mafraidofchanginganythingtoupsetthat.”

Shenodded.“Changeisinevitable,Novi.”

“Iknow,butIhaven’tfeltlikethisinaverylongtime,andIwantedtoenjoyitforaminuteortwo.”

Beira stood silent for a moment. “Very well. I can grant you that, but when I return next time, this

won’tbeanoption.Agreed?”

Inoddedquickly.“Thankyou.”

“You’rewelcome.”Shesmiled.“Feelfreetoroamabout.Nothingwillharmyouorcomeafteryou

here,Novi.You’resafetojustbe,butpleaseknow,thelongeryouarehere,themoresoulsearchingyou

mayencounter.ThispartofSacrifeismagicalinthatway,nothinganyonesaysordoescanchangethat,it

justis.”

“Okay.”

“Ifandwhenyoudofindsomething,pleasefaceitheadon.You’vecometoofarnotto,”Beirasaidas

sheturnedtoleave.“Embracethejourney.”

Ismiledbackather.ShealreadyknewwhatIwasgoingtofacebutdidn’twanttosay,Iknewitand

couldfeelitinmysoul.I’dtakeherchallengeandseeheronebeyondit.Youhope.“No,Iknow.”

“Youknowwhat?”Gavinaskedashetoweledoffhiswethair.“WhereisBeira?”

“Sheleft.YouandIarefreetoroamtheland.Caretogoonagrandadventure?”

“Withyou,”heteased.“Nah.”

“Jerk,”IlaughedasIchasedhimbackintothebedroom.

Wefellontothebedinatangleofarmsandlegsthateventuallyledtoanepicpillowfight.Ihadno

ideahoworwhy,thethingsinthiscottagewereexactlyliketheywouldbeinmyandGavin’sworld,butI

assumedithadsomethingtodowithBeiraandDermot’smagicandtheirwantingustofeelathomeand

comfortablehere.Problemwas,theirworldwasbecomingtoocomfortable.Theperfectretreatfromthe

worldIsodesperatelywantedtoescape.IwasseriouswhenItoldGavinIwantedtostayhere.There

weren’tanydemonsorshittychoiceshere,justhappinessandfreedom.Iwasfree––finally.

ChapterTwentyTwo

Wewalkedthroughthevillageandbeyonditslimitsintotheforest.Thetreeswerelushandthickwith

darkandpalegreenleaves.Thetrunkswerelargerthanamancouldwraphisarmsaround,andthebark

wasagedandweatheredwithknotsandlayersshowingitsageandtrials.Theystoodlikestatues,butthe

rustle of the leaves soothed the soul as the wind blew across the branches. The sound was perfect––

tranquil.Thereweretreeslikethisnearmygrandparents’housetoo.GavinandIusedtogooutthereon

thosewarmsummerdaysandlieagainsttheroots.Therewasnoothersoundlikethatofbeingonewith

theearth.Itwasliketheancientsintended.IthoughtbacktothestoriesmyPappausedtotellabouttheold

godsandtheirconnectiontonature.Itwasthereasonhechosetheplotoflandhedid.Itcalledtohim,and

heknewthatwaswherehewouldspendtherestofhisdays.

Iknowwhentheyfoundhimthatdayhe’dbeenoutforawalk.Icanonlyhopehewasinhisfavorite

spotbythewater’sedgewhenthestrokedecidedtoclaimhim.Ididalotofreadingaboutstrokesonce

hepassed.Ineededtoknowwhythatwasthewayhisbodydecidedtogiveout.HadNannabeenwith

himhemayhavehadachanceofsomerecovery,butthenagain,livingdebilitatedwould’vekilledhim

too. Maybe a quick and painless death was a blessing. I know he would’ve considered the other

alternativeacurse.

Iranmyhandsalongthetreebarkandfelttherough,furrowededgesandsaidalittleprayertothe

man who made me believe in something bigger than myself. Thank you, Pappa for your love and

guidance.I’msorryIdisappointedyouwithmychoicesasoflate,butmaybeI’llgetthechancetoturn

that around and make things right here soon. I love you, Pappa. I hope you’re in your heaven and

takinglonglazynapswiththespringairblowingacrossthecoolwaterandbouncingoffthetrees.I

hopeyouandNannaaredancingintheraysofsunlightlikeyouusedtowhenIwasakid.Peaceand

lovetoyou,Pappa.Peaceandlove.

I jumped when the wood beneath my fingers twisted and moved. I ran over to Gavin and we both

watchedasthebarkonthetreeshiftedintoaweatheredfaceandyawnedbeforeitspoke.

“IhadhopedIwouldseeyouwhileyouwereonthisjourney.”

My hands shook and my heart began to race. It wasn’t possible. Not even remotely. Have you

forgottenwhereyouare,Novi?Everythingheredoesthingsthataren’tpossible.Mybrainstruggled,but

myheartsettledwhenhespokeagain.

“Starlight,starbright,haveyeseenmylittleNovitonight?IwishImay,IwishImight,haveahug

frommysweetgirlthisnight.”

“Pappa,”Iwhispered.

IheardGavingaspunderhisbreath.“I’llbedamned.”

“It’sgoodtoseeyoutwotogetheragain.YournannaandIalwaysknewyeweredestinedtobe.She

sawitinthetealeavesmoretimesthanIcancount,saidyetwowereflamesorsomethin’likethat.”

Ilaughedthroughsnifflesandranbacktothetree,wrappingmyarmsarounditasbestIcould.“I’ve

missedyou.”

“I’vemissedyetoo,Novi.”

“IhavesomuchtoaskyouandsomuchIwanttosay.”

“Tut-tut-tut.Nonsense.Iwon’thearofanythingifitinvolvesapologies.Thereisnothin’heretoask

forgivenessfor.Idied,Novi.Thatwasthenormalcourseofnature.Yehadnothingtodowiththat.Idied

peacefully.AtfirstIthoughtofyeandyourmum,thenIbrieflythoughtofyourdad…heandIhadalotof

unfinished business, but I still thought of how proud I was of him, after all, he gave me ye. My final

thoughts,though,wereformyMaureen.Shewasmawholeworld.IwassadI’dbeleavin’herbutknew

I’dalwaysbewithherinspirit.”

TearsrolleddownmycheeksfasterthanIcouldwipethem.

“Nawcryin’.Iwanttoseethatsmileofye’s,”thefaceinthetreesaidasthebarkeyebrowsfurrowed.

“Gavin?”

“Yes,sir,”herespondedquickly,stilltakenabackbythetalkingtree.Icouldfeelhishandstrembling

asheheldmine.

“Yetakin’careofmegirl?”

Gavinswallowedhard.“Iwasn’tforalongtime,Mr.Darrow,butIdoplantoneverletthathappen

again.”

The tree’s face went from concerned to happy with the twisting of the bark. “Good. That is all I

needed to hear. I’ll be watching ye too, Nanna and I both. Take care of each other. Love until ye heart

burstsfromit,Novi.Stopfearingeverything,it’spartofye’sjourney.”Thefacecontortedoncemore.“I

mustgonow.Talktomeintheforest.Iwillalwayshearyethere.”

“Pleasedon’tgo.”

“Aloveye,Novi,”herepliedjustasthetreewentbacktoitsnaturalstate.Ilaidmyforeheadwhere

he’djustbeenandwhisperedback.“Iloveyoutoo,Pappa.”

IsobbedintothetreeforawhileandGavinjustheldme,givingmethemomentsIneededtocometo

termswithwhatjusthappened.WhenIfinallyturnedtofacehim,hegavemeasadsmile.“Ireallydon’t

knowwhattothinkofthisplace,butsinceitgaveyoubacktome,I’llacceptitwithallofitsquirks.”I

laughed through my tears and he wiped my eyes. “It’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay,” he

concluded.

Inoddedandlaidmyheadonhischest,hisarmswrappingaroundmybodyinaprotectivehug.“Can

wegohomenow?”Isaidintohisshirt.

“Homehomeorbacktothecottage?”

Ilookedupathim,hislipstippedinagrin.“Thecottage.”

Gavinintertwinedourfingersandweheadedbackthroughtheforestandintotheclearingwherethe

villagegatesstood.Thegateshadchangedsincewe’dleftthismorning.Theywerenolongercoveredin

mossandvines,butwerenowbloomingwithspectacularrosesinallofmyfavoritecolors.Ismiledand

knewjustwhohadmadeitpossible.Thankyou,Pappa.

WhenIwastwelve,hebuiltagreenhouseoutofoldwindowsanddoors.Itwashiswayofbringing

myfavoritefairytaletolife.HegaveNannaalibraryandme,theroses.Myheartswelledthinkingofthe

lovehehadtogive.Todaywaspainful,butitwasablessingtoo.Iwasgratefultohavehadthechanceto

experiencethemboth.

Aswemadeourwaythroughthegates,DermotandDemilewerewaitingtogreetus.“Howwasyour

walk?”

“Blessed.”

Dermot inclined his head with a slight grin. “Hortus has a way of blessing us each and every day.

WouldyouandGavincaretojoinus?Thereissomeonetowhomwe’dlikeyoutomeet.”

IlookedoveratGavin.“We’dbehappyto,”herepliedforbothofus.

“Thisway,”Dermotgestured.

ChapterTwentyThree

Ittooksometimetogettowhereweweregoing,andeventhenIwasstilllostastowherewewere.

Dermot and Demile had been gracious in trying to talk to us about this and that, but I could hardly pay

attention.IjustwantedtoknowwherewewereheadedandwhyIkepthearinganannoyingtinkingsound.

They all said they heard nothing and that maybe I was just hearing fairy chimes. It’s not damn fairy

chimes.Whatthehellarefairychimesanyway?

“Hereweare,”Dermotannounced.

Demile stopped at the bottom of a stone staircase that was covered in dense green clumps of

flowerlessplantsandgrass.Itcurvedslightlyonitswayupwardsuntilitendedatanenchantedlooking

cottage.

“Upthere?”Ipointed.

“Yes,”Demilereplied.

ItookadeepbreathandtuggedonGavin’sarm.

“Sorry,Novaleigh,butthisvisitisforyouonly.Gavinneedstostayherewithus.”

“But…”

“Wewillkeephimcompany,nottoworry.”

IgaveGavinaconfusedglance,buthenoddedinthedirectionofthecottage.“You’vegotthis.I’llbe

herewaiting.”

“It’sanemptyforest.Whatareyouallgoingtodo?”

Dermot grinned and waved his hand in a circular motion until a portal opened. The watery circle

expandedandspreadoutuntilatargetrangeappeared.“Caretotryyourhandatarchery?”

“Yeah,”Gavinexclaimedasifhewereatwelveyearoldboy.

“Wait!Beforeyouguysgoofftoplaylikekids,caretoexplainwhatI’msupposedtobedoing?You

said‘visit’.WhoamIsupposedtobevisiting?”

“Theweaver,”Demileoffered.“Sherequestedyourpresence.Saiditwasofgreatimportance.

“Theweaver,”Irepeatedasifsayingitagainwasgoingtoclarifywhointhehellthispersonwas.

“You needn’t fear her. She will guide you to the answers you seek, and when you are finished, you

willknowwhichpathyouareintendedtotake.”

IstaredatDemileblankly.IhadwantedtogohomesinceIarrived,andnowIfeltcontent.Theidea

thatthis“weaver”wasgoingtoupsetmyhappinesshadmefeelinganxious.Ididn’twanttogoupthose

stairs.Ididn’twantanythingtochange.Changesucks!

“Butitisinevitable,”avoicebehindmespoke.

“Beira?”

She smiled and waved me up. “Stop fearing and start hoping. You may just be surprised by the

outcome.”

Iswallowedhardandtookthefirststep,thenthesecond,andsoon.WhenIreachedthetop,Ilooked

downatGavin,Dermot,andDemilewhoallweregivingmeencouraginglooks.Igavethemaquickwave

andfollowedBeiraintothecottage.

“ThisplacelookslikeitbelongsinaGrimmfairytalemovie.Iloveallthepanedwindows.”

Beiralaughed.“Justthroughthearchwaythereyouwillfindtheweaver.Whenyouarefinished,we

willallbewaitingforyou.”

I bit my lip and nodded as Beira closed the door. Inside was quaint and looked like the home of

someone who prided themselves on preserving nature. There were bundles of herbs hanging from the

raftersintheceiling,alongwithfloweringplantssetonroundtables.Therewasalsoabuilt-inbookshelf

against the far wall with all sorts of knickknacks. Crystals in varying shapes and sizes, glass bottles

labeledandfilledwithdifferentcoloredobjects.Therewerealsoallkindsofold,tatteredbookslining

theshelvesabovethejars.Thesmellwasamixtureofrosemaryandsage,buttherewerealsoonesthatI

couldn’t recognize by scent alone. A portly grey cat stretched in the wide sill of the window before it

curledintoaball,lettingthesunwarmit.

“I’minhere,”awoman’svoicecalledout.

Ifollowedthesoundandfoundanolderwomanwithgingerandgreyhairsittinginarockingchair,

knitting.

“Hello,”Isaidsoftly.

“Hello,Novaleigh.Haveaseat,”shesaidasshepointedtothechairacrossfromher.“Mynameis

Oona.It’sapleasuretoseeyouinperson.”Igaveheraquizzicallook.“I’veseenyouinmydreams.”She

smiledandcontinuedknitting.

Isatdowninthechair,allthewhilestaringatthewomanacrossfromme.Mymom’snamesounded

almostthesame,andherhaircolorwassimilartoo,yetsomethingaboutherwasverydifferent.Itseemed

likeIwasviewingmymomthroughahazyfilter.Icouldn’tstopstaring.IthoughtabouteveryonewhileI

washereinSacrife,butI’dyettothinkofher––untilnow.Iwassoclosetoherandyetshe’dnotbeenmy

firstthought.Iwonderedwhy.Toopainful,maybe?Ididn’tknow,butitdidn’treallymatter.Iwashere,in

thismoment,withawatercoloredversionofher.

“Youhadn’tthoughtofyourmombecauseshehasbeenwithyouallthroughoutthisjourney,guiding

you––herandyournanna.”

“YoucanhearmythoughtslikeBeira,huh?”

Shewinked.

“Howdoyou?Nevermind,”Iquicklyadded.

“Youeverknit?”Oonaaskedassheleanedoverandhandedmeneedlesandsomeyarn.“It’sgoodfor

themindandthesoul,”sheaddedbeforeIevenhadachancetorespond.

Shestoodandshowedmehowtostartandmakeaslipknotandhowtocaston,asshecalledit.Iwas

totally confused but after a few more tries, I was knitting a tiny bit. Oona continued on with her lesson

untilIhadmadearow.“Thereyougo,seenow,you’reknitting.You’reanaturalitseems,”Oonasaidas

shesatbackdownandresumedherownproject.

“WhatamImaking?”

“I think we should start off small with a tea cozy, and then we can move on to bigger and better

things.”

Inoddedandwentbacktomystitches.I’mnotsurehowlongwesatthereinsilence,butitseemed

like forever. I wanted to ask why I was here, but I didn’t want to be the first to speak. And though she

couldhearmythoughts,shegavemenothingthatwouldhelpanswermyconfusion.Wecontinuedonin

silence.

“Whydidyougotothebridgethatday,Novaleigh?”Oonafinallyspoke.

Myneedlesmadeaclink.Hey,wasthatthesoundI’dheardwalkinghere?No,focus,Novi.Lieor

tell the truth? Truth always. Shit, she can read my thoughts, of course––the truth, or she’ll know

you’relying.

“Iwentforawalk,andthenIthoughtIsawsomethinginthewaterandwalkedclosertotheedgeto

see.That’sall.”

“Isit?”

“Yes.IsawanotteronceandthoughtIsawtwointhewatersoIlooked.Ihadnoideathattherewas

looserockbeneathmyfeet.Islippedabit,butIcaughtmyself.”

“Didyoureally?”

Myshouldersdropped.“Whatareyouimplying?”

“I’mnotimplyinganything.Ijustwanttomakesureyouarebeingcompletelyhonestwithyourself.

Hadyounotbeenthinkingabouthowbadtheworldfelttoyouwitheverythingthattranspiredoverthe

pastfewmonths?”

“Yes,butnottothedegreeyou’reimplying.”

“Soyoureallydon’tknowwhathappenedtoyouthatday?”

“Thatiswhathappened.Iwasonthebridgenearmygrandparent’shouseandthoughtIsawtwootters

playinginthewater,Iwenttolook,slippedandsomehowlandedhereinSacrife.Beinghereistheonly

confusingpart.IhavenoideahowIendedupinamagicallandfilledwithfaeandmonsters.”Iblurted,

myfrustrationreachingaboilingpoint.“I’msorry.I’mnottryingtoberude,butallofthis,”Iwavedmy

handsaround,“andyouandthisplace.It’scraziness.”

“Iagree,butit’sallyourcreation,Novaleigh.Yourdesign.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“I’maweaver.I’mwhatisconnectingthisworldtotheworldyoucomefrom.Mypurposeistoshow

youyourchoices.”

Isatinsilenceasshecontinuedon.

“Youcamehereonyourownaccord.Thatday,youdidslipandfall,butthatisnotallthathappened.

You hurt yourself and Sacrife has been your escape, but now you have a choice to make, stay here or

choosetoreturntolife.Hereyou’reonlyexisting.Oncetheyturnthemachinesoff,itwillbeuptoyou

whereyouwanttobe.”

Mymindwentwild.Suddenly,Iwasthrustintotworealities.Theairaroundmewascoolanddry.It

was dusk when I went out for a walk, and I felt a little shaky after the wine––after seeing Gavin. The

moonhadyettoshowitselfandthesunsetwasmyfavoriteshadesofpink,purple,andblue.Iwantedto

seethewater.I’dhopeditwouldsoothemethewayitusedto.MymindshiftedtoGavinandmeandus

going out on the weekends to see if we could spot the otters. Usually we saw them by the house we’d

hopedtoliveinsomeday.Then,ImetWinstonandOliverhereinSacrife.Thetinkingsoundwasthere

againinthedistance.Ifell.Thewaterwassocold.IsawthebloodandfeltasthoughIwasdrowning.My

headhurt.Mybodyachedeverywhere,andmyvisionwasblurry.Whathappened?WherewasI?

“SheneedsanMRI.GetallthebloodworkIrequested,andcallhernextofkin.”

“Yes,doctor.”

Peoplewerescurryingabout,andIwassocold.Someoneputablanketonme,andIwantedtothank

them,butIcouldn’tspeak.MaybeI’dspokenandtheydidn’thearmebecausetheyweresobusy.Iwasin

atunnel.Aloudthumpingtunnelwithmusicplayinginthebackground.Icouldhearvoicesbutcouldn’t

makeoutwhattheyweresaying.Itwasbrokenandsing-songylikethetwinqueens.They’rehere.Myhair

waspink.No,notpink.Stainedwithbloodandtintedthathue.WherewasI?

“I’mhere,Novi.Ohmygod,whathappenedtoyou?”

Mom?

Afirmbutquietvoicespoke.“I’mafraidyourdaughterisinacoma.”

“What?”mymothercried.

“Shesufferedsevereheadtraumawhenshefellontherocks.Nooneknowshowlongshewasthere

beforeshewasfoundsowecannotsayforcertaintheextentofthedamageatthistime.Wehaveheron

a ventilator for now because she intermittently stops breathing. Until we can assess her situation

more,shewillremainlikethis.”

Iheardmymothersobbingbeforesheasked.

“Whofoundher?”

“I’mnotsure,butifhehadn’tshewould’vedied.”

Died?OhmyGod.

“Doyouhaveanyideahowlongshe’llbelikethis?”

“Thefirst24hoursarethemostcrucial.We’lljusthavetowaitandsee.”

“I’minacoma?ThatiswhereI’vebeen,nothereinSacrife?Why…thenhow…Idon’tunderstand,”I

questionedOona.

“Youareinthein-between.Youcalleditlostandhappy,exceptthoseweren’taccuratedescriptions.

Yourchoicesaredeathorlife.”

“Deathorlife,whatdoesthatmean?”

“Itmeansthatthisisthefinalpieceofthepuzzle,Novaleigh,andyouhavetodecidewhetheryouare

goingtostayhereinSacrifeorgobacktoyourlifeandliveuntilyouareoldandgrey.”

“SohereinSacrifeisdeath?Itdoesn’tfeellikedeath.Notnowatleast.Imeanitdidatfirstbutthen

itdidn’t.Itfeltrightandcomfortable.I’mherewithGavin,”Ibabbled.

Oona looked up from her knitting. “Sacrife is sacrifice…the land of the lost. At some point all the

things you are experiencing will fade away just as you will. Life is one continuous flow and someday

you’llreturn to liveagain. You’ll livemany lifetimes, Novaleigh, andyou’ll need tolearn and grow in

eachone.However,youmustknowthatinthenextlifetimeyoumaynotknowanyonelikeyourmotheror

yourNannaandPappa.YoumaynotevenknowGavininthesameway.Youtwoaretwinflamessoit’s

likelyyou’llencounteroneanotheratsomepoint,butyoumaynotbeloversinthenextlife.Youcouldjust

befriends.Nothingisguaranteedwithfreewill.”

“Oh.”

“Whynotlivenow?Youhavewhatyouwantrightinfrontofyou.Gohome.Embraceloveandallit

hastooffer.”

“ButIdon’thaveGavinthere?OrPappa?Allofthatforgivenessandunderstandingishere.”

“Don’tbesosure.Thingsmaybedifferentthanyouthink,”Oonasaidbeforegoingbacktoherknit

one,purlone.

“Gavin,itsEuna.”Icouldhearthedistressinmymom’svoice.“Didyoubychancehappentohave

beentheonetofindNovi?Ohno,Ithoughtyouweretheone.No,she’snotokay.She’sinacoma.Yes,

I’mhereatthePortree.Okay.Seeyouthen.”Mymomcriedasshehungupthephone.Shereachedfor

my hand and rubbed it with her thumb. “I’m here, Novi. Listen to my voice and come back to me.

Please.Ineedyou.Ican’tloseyou,too.”

Tearsstreameddownmyface.“Whyareyoumakingmelivethis?”

“Becauseyouneedtoseethatyouareloved,andyouwillbemissedifyourchoiceistostayhere,”

Oonasaidwithasadsmile.

“Anychangeinherstatus?”

“No,Gavin.Nochange.”

“IgothereassoonasIcould.Areyouokay?”Gavinasked.

“Asgoodascanbeexpected.”

Gavinsatontheothersideofthebedandreachedformyhand.Ilaidthereunconscious,mymom

ononesideandthemanIlovedontheother,andIhadnowaytoletthemknowIwashere,listening.I

wantedtoscream“I’mhere.I’mrighthere.”

“Theycan’thearyou.”

“Iknow,butIcanwishforit.”

“Yes,youcan.Wishaway,butletmeaskyou,wherehasthatgottenyou?”

IfeltlikeIwasjustslapped.Whathadmywishesproducedotherthanheartache?Ihadbigdreams,

butwhenIgottotheplacetofinallymakethemcometrue,Ichickenedout.Iconvincedmyselfitwastoo

hard,toobigofadream,andIsettledforbeingsomeone’sassistant.Sure,weallneedtolearnandgrow,

butwhenwesquelchourintuitionandletsomeoneelseberateourdreams,apieceofusdies.Webeginto

thinkwe’renotworthyofmorebecausewelistentothelies.“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.

I’vebeendoingthisjobforthirtyyearsandyou’vebeenatitforfiveminutes.Idecidethetalent.You

needtolearnfrommyexperience.”Truebutonlytoanextent.Ageandwisdomdoesnotalwaysequal

wiser. Sometimes the old can gain more knowledge from listening to the new. It should be symbiotic.

Whendidlearningbecomeastraightline?

Whenwearedownonourownself-image,somethingelsehappenstochallengeus.Anotherhitchor

two and we die a little more. At least we think we do because we’ve let our demons consume us. Our

innerdialoguesuddenlybecomestruth,andweareleftemptyandalone.Fearoffailurehasrobbedusof

ouronceamazingdreams.NannaandPappaalwaystoldmeIcouldhaveitallwithinreason,butthenI

sawmyparentsfailathavingamarriageandalife,andsoIbelievedthatwouldbethesamecaseforme.

Icouldn’thavemydreamofwritingandpublishingandhaveGavintoo.Itwastoobigofadream.Igave

uphalfofmyselftodumpitintotheother.Now,hereIam,dyingforallintentsandpurposesandhave

effectivelylostitall.HowwasIgoingtogetbacktoaplacewhereIcouldmakepositivechoiceswhen

allI’vedoneisfail?

“Haveyoureallyfailed?I’veseenalotofaccomplishmentmixedwithtrialanderror.”

“Gah.Ikeepforgettingthatyou’rehereinmyheadwithme.Nothoughtissacred.”

Shegavemeasmuggrin.“It’stheweaverinme.Icannothelpmyself.”

“Whyareyoucalledtheweaver,you’reknitting?”Iquipped.

“I do more than knit, but that is not why I’m called the weaver, Novaleigh.” Oona put down her

needlesandlookedatme.“Therearethreadsthatexistthroughtime.Likefatelines,inaway,butthese

lines aren’t just for one lifetime. They are the threads for all your life journeys.” I shook my head in

confusion.“Unlikeaseer,Icanseeallofyourthreads.Myjobistohelpweavethetimelinestogether.I

tryandkeepyouonyourtruepath.”

“Butyousaidsomethingaboutfreewill,earlier.Howdoesthataffectaperson’sthreads?”

“Letmeputitanotherwaytohelpyouunderstand.Haveyoueverbeenonaboat?”

“Once.”

“Okay then, imagine you are the captain of this boat. You control the boat and its course, but

sometimesyouencounterastorm,andyoubecomedisorientedandlosesightoftheshore.Youtryandget

backontrack,butyou’relostandyouneedguidancetogetbacktowhereyouweregoing.Weaverstry

andgetyoubackoncourse.Problemis,thingshavechangedinyoufromyourexperience.You’remore

cautious,youfearthingsonthepathtoyourdestination,andyoumakerashdecisions––freewill.Youcan

do one of two things; give up and turn back, or you can decide to press forward into the unknown.

However,nowyou’reafraidofwhat’sahead.Youlackfaith.ThatiswhereIcomein.I’mheretoshow

youtheway.Iweavethepast,thepresent,andthefuturesothethreadsbecomevisible,andyoubeginto

seethelight.Doesthatmakesense?”

“Ithinkso.”

“Novaleigh,it’ssimple.Nothingisasbadasitseemsatthetime,andsometimesinthemidstofthe

hellyou’reenduringisyourpivotpoint,theplacewhereyoucangetbackyourfocusandturnyourlife

around.Stopthinkingaboutallthatiswrong,andfocusonwhatisright.It’stherethatyou’llstepoutof

thecrazy,riseoutoftherabbithole,andstartlivingagain.”

I had nothing to say in response to all that. She was right, but I wasn’t ready to admit that just yet.

OnceIstoppedbuggingherwithquestions,Oonawentbacktoherknitting.Idon’tthinkshewasannoyed

or anything, but simply wanted me to make my own choice. Something I was apparently incapable of

doing at this time. I knew it in my heart what I should do, but there was a part of me that was still

undecided. I looked over at the almost completed blanket lying at the edge of Oona’s worn shoes and

realizedhowlongwe’dbeentogetherhereinthishouse.Thenagain,shewastheexpert.Herfingerswere

flying as the needles worked their magic in her gifted hands. I, however, still fumbled along barely

crafting half a coaster. I didn’t put too much stock in my failed project though, because my mind was

elsewhere.IkeptdriftingbetweenthisworldandtheonewhereIwascomatose.

“Euna,youreallyshouldgetsomerest.Gobacktothehouseandtakesometimeforyourself.I’ll

staywithherandletyouknowifanythingchanges.”

“You’reagoodman,GavinKirkpatrick,”mymotherrepliedwithasoftsmile.“You’llletmeknow

rightawayifanythingchanges,yes?”

“Inaninstant.”

Shenoddedandputonhercoatbeforeleaningdown.“Iloveyou,Novi.Comehome.”Amoment

latershewaswalkingoutthedooranditwasjustGavinandI––alone.

“Novi, please.” Gavin pleaded as he kissed my hand. “You don’t have to be with me or here in

Scotland.Nooneisputtinganyboundariesonyou,butyouhavetocomebacktous.I’dsettleforjust

knowingyouwerealiveandwellatthispoint.”

Helaidhisheadonmyhand,andIfeltthewarmthofhisskinandthemoistureofhistears.Maybehe

didstillcare.MaybeifIsatuprightnowandsaidI’msorry,he’dforgiveme.Yeah,outofpity.

“Givemethechancetoexplainmyselftoyou,Novi.Onemorechance.”

Whatdoesheneedtoexplain?I’mtheassholehere.

“Imissyou,Novi.”

Hemissesme?LikehereinSacrife…no,mymind…no,hereinthein-between.

IlookedupatOona.“Allright.”Ideclared.“Ifindmyfaith,getbackmyfocus,andthenwhat?How

amIsupposedtogetfromheretothere?”

Oona reached over and placed her hand on mine. “First you have to forgive yourself and then you

havetofall.”

Iscoffed.“You’rekiddingright?”

Sheshookherhead,pickedupherneedles,andwentrightbacktoknitting.

Thetinkingsoundechoedagain,andIlookedaroundwonderingwhereitwascomingfrom.“Whatis

that?WhydoIkeephearingthat?”

“Thatistheventilator.Thedoctorswanttotakeyouoffofittoseeifyou’llbreatheonyourown.It’s

thenyou’llhavetodecide,Novaleigh.Sacrifeorhome.”

“When?”

“Soon. You’ve been on it for forty-eight hours, but in the past six you’ve shown improvements.

They’rehopingyou’llbewellenoughtobetakenoff.”

“Isee.”Isighed.“IsthatsomethingIamgoingtodoherewithyou?”

“No.Ourtimeisthrough.Nowit’stimeforyoutogobacktothevillagewithGavin,Dermot,Demile,

andBeira.Theyhavesomethingplannedforyou.”

ChapterTwentyFour

The five of us were back to the village in a matter of seconds, once I left Oona’s cottage. Dermot

opened a portal, jetting us back to their home in an instant. When we arrived, there was a full-on

celebration––food,music,dancing,thewholenineyards.

“What’sgoingon?IthoughtIhadtodoafewthingsandmakesomechoicessoIcouldmoveon.”

“Youdo,”Beirareplied.“Wethoughtyou’denjoytheopportunitytosaygoodbyeherefirst.”

“Yeah,youcan’tgobackwithoutsayinggoodbye,”Oliverteased.

“You’reback!”IexclaimedasIbentdowntohughim.“Didyouknowallthis?Thetruthofmethe

wholetime?”

Henodded.

“I’myourguide.Oonathoughtitbestifyouhadsomethingcomforting,afigurethatbroughtyoupeace

andhappinesstofollowyouthroughthechanges.Youalwaysdidlikeotters.”Hegrinned.

“Iloveotters,”Isaidwithakissonhischeek.

“I’mgoingtogograbsomethingtoeat,I’llfindyouinabit,”OliversaidbeforehebidBeiraagood

afternoon.

“Caretogoforawalkwithme?”

“Soundsnice.”

“You look well. Did you have a good visit with Oona?” Beira asked as we moved away from the

crowd.

“Idid.Itwascertainlyeyeopeningtorealizeallthisisjustinmymind.”Itossedmyhandsintheair.

“Likerightnow.I’mtalkingtomyselfessentially.”

“Actuallyyou’renot.TheweaverandIarereal.SheinhertrueformandIinadivineone.”

“I’m so confused. Real. Not real. Alive and yet not alive. You do understand why I can’t wrap my

brainaroundthis,right?”

“Youarereal,youarealive.Thosearefacts.”

“Sothentellmethis,Beira,whathaveIyettocometotermswith?Iwanttobereadytoreturnwhen

thedoctorsfinallygetaroundtopullingtheplug.”

“Straighttothetruththen?”

“Seemsridiculousnottoo.”

“Whatistheonethingyou’vechosennottocometotermswithsinceyou’vebeenhere?”

Ishookmyheadandflippedmyhands.“Idon’tknow.I’vedealtwithitall.ImadeamendstoGavin

andIevenwasabletosaymypiecetoPappa.Thereisnothingelse.”

“Truth,Novi.Youcan’tleavewithoutfullhonesty.”

“What, myself? Am I supposed to say ‘I’m sorry, self, for all my shitty choices?’” I replied

sarcasticallyandthenquicklyrealizedI’dcursed.“Sorryforthelanguage.”

Beiragaveadismissivewaveasshesatdownonabench.“Sit.”

Ireluctantlysat.Thiswasdraggingout.Icouldonlyhearthetinkingsoundintermittentlynow,andI

worried the longer Beira and I took to get to whatever it was I needed to accept, that I would lose my

windowandmychancetogohome.

“Nodisrespectintended,butcanyouspellitoutforme.AssumeI’manidiot,please.”

Beira reached for my hand. “You’ve put it away so carefully that you don’t even acknowledge it. I

understandwhy,butthatiswhatweneedtotapinto,Novi.”

Therealizationofwhatshewasreferencingrosetothesurface.Nanna.IneverdealtwithNanna.Too

muchguiltandshame.Shewasmyworld––myeverything,andwhensheneededmethemost,Idismissed

her.Myproblemswerebiggerthanhers.Shecouldn’tunderstandwhatIwasgoingthrough,noonecould.

Sure,peoplewouldlistenandofferadvice,butwhatgoodwasthat.Itwasn’tasolution.Thetearsandthe

painslammedintomewithenoughforcetobringmetomyknees.Isatthere,grassandleavesscratching

atmyfleshasIcried.

“That’sit,Novi.Letitallgo.Noneofwhathappenedwasyourfault.”

“Wasn’tit?”Isobbed.

Beirakneltdownnexttome.“No,itwasn’t.YourPappapassedaway,anormalcourseofactionin

life,evenhetoldyouthat.”

Inodded.

“Maureendidn’tblameyou,Novi.Infact,itwasquitetheopposite.Sheknewwhereyourheadwas

at,andsheknewyouneededtofindyourpathonyourownterms,inyourowntime.”

“Howdoyouknowthat?”

“Iknow,”BeirasaidasIwatchedherchange.Herlongauburnhairtransformedintoashortergrey

withsoftcurlsframingherface.

Mybodyshookandmychestconstricted.“Nanna?”

Shepushedbackmyhair.“It’sme,sweetgirl.”

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherneckandcried.“I’msorry.I’mso,sosorry.”

“Novi,pleasestopapologizing.”

“Ican’t.WhenyoucalledmethatdayandIsaidIhadtocallyouback,thatIwasinthemiddleof

something, I wasn’t doing anything I couldn’t have put on hold. I had no idea those would be the last

wordsI’devergettospeaktoyou.Youdied,andIdidn’tgettotellyouIlovedyouorhowmuchyou

meanttomeorthatIwassorry.Ididn’tmakeyouapriority.”

She brushed my hair back again, just like she used to when I was a little girl lying in her lap. “I

already knew those things. Nothing you could say or not say would change how much I love you. You

wereagifttomethemomentIlaideyesonyou.”

“But…”

“No,Iwon’tacceptanymoreoftheliesyoutellyourself.Noneofthemaretrue.”

Inoddedandleanedintoherembrace.Idon’tknowhowlongwestayedlikethat,butformeitdidn’t

matter.Thetinkingsounddidn’tmatter.Iwasherewithmynannaagain.Safeandhappy.

“Novi?”

Ilookedupathersmilingface.“Tellmeeverythingthat’sbeengoingon.Whatishappeningwithyou

andGavin?”

“Really?”

Shenoddedandwestartedtalking.ItwasjustlikeoldtimeswhenI’dtellheraboutallthatwasgoing

on,andshe’dlaughandofferadvicewhenneeded.Weweretogether.MyeyesdriftedclosedasNanna

heldmeinherarms.

“Novi,it’stimeformetogonow.”

“No,”Isaidsleepily.

“Promisemesomething.”

“Yes,ma’am.”

“GobacktoyourmomandGavin.Theyneedyoujustasmuchasyouneedthem.”

“ButI’mhappyhere.”

“Thishappinessisonlyafaçade.Ifyouwanttruehappiness...gohome.”

“We’re just waiting on her most recent blood work to come in, and we’ll move on to the next

phase.”

“Thankyou,doctor.”Iheardmymothersay.

“She’sbeenrestless.Isthatagoodsign?”Gavinquestioned.

“I’mhoping,butIcannotsayforcertain.Therehasbeenanincreaseinherbrainactivity,sowe’ll

see.I’llbebacklaterthisafternoon.”

WhenIopenedmyeyes,BeiraandIweresittingonthebench,talkingasifnoneofthathappened.

“Novi,it’stimeweheadback.It’salmosttimeformetoleave,andI’vetakenyouawayfromyour

partylongenough.”

Ishutmyeyesandrubbedmyforehead.I’mlosingitagain.Whatisrealandwhatisclutterinthis

fracturedmind?Icouldnolongertell.BeirastoodandIfollowed.Wewerebackamongstthevillagers

andGavinwasaskingmetodance.

“Wherehaveyoubeen?”

Ishookmyhead.“Idon’tknow.”

Hekissedme,andwejoinedthefrivolities.OliverandCiannawerethere,whileDermotandDemile

satinhighbackedseatsmadeofavarietyofspringflowers.

Everythingwasblissful.

Everythingwasablur.

ChapterTwentyFive

Duskwassettlingin,andthepartywaswindingdown.Theskywasonceagainthestunninghuesof

blue,pink,purple.

“IsitlikethiseverynightinHortus,Oliver?”

“Yes.It’sperfectisn’tit?”

“Itis.”

BeirapassedbyasshewalkedwithDermotandDemiletowardsthetreeline.Iwonderedwhyshe

didn’t say anything, but I didn’t try and stop her either, for fear she’d want to hash out my issues once

more.I’dmademychoice,nowIjustneededtofollowthroughwithit.

“Excuseme,”OliversaidinarushbeforerunningovertoBeira’sside.

Sheleaneddown,andhenoddedhisheadbeforelookingbackatme.Ohgreat.She’sdonewithme,

butnowhe’sgoingtobeaftermetomakemypeace.

AmomentlaterOliverwasbackbymyside,andIcouldn’thelpmyself,Ihadtoask.“Whatdidshe

say?”

“Thatyouwereready,andIwastomakethepreparationsimmediately.Areyoureadytogo?”

“That’sit?No‘Goodbye,you’vebeenthroughtheringerandthensome?’Justan,‘I’malldoneand

I’m out?’” Oliver looked at me curiously. “Sorry. Slang term for I’m leaving and have nothing more to

say.”

“That’snottrue.Shehadalottosaybutfeltitbestforyoutostayinyourmomentwithoutanyfurther

distractions.”

“Oh,”Isaidhalf-aloud.

IturnedtolookoveratBeiraasshewassayinggoodbyetoherDermotandDemileandsmiledwhen

shewaved.

“Iwasn’tleavingyou.I’mtrustingyouandthepersonyou’vebecome.I’malwayswithyou,Novi.

Findmewhenyoucan.I’llbewaiting.Untilthen,mysweetgirl.”

“Wait,what?Whereareyougoing?”

“Home.Justlikeyou,Novi.”

Dermot and Demile moved and Beira closed her eyes. In the next moment I was mesmerized. The

bottom of Beira’s dress was fanning out and taking root in the ground where she stood. The dark green

fabric was morphing into grey-green bark and shifting from flowing to solid. Her long red hair was

fanning out as the wind whipped around her in a whirlwind of leaves and twigs. Beira’s body was

changingfromhumanto––atree?Thisisit.Thefinalstraw.I’mnotinacoma.No,I’mmentallyillwith

nohopeofrecovery.She’srealinthedivineform,butohno,she’satree.Novaleigh,fall,die,breathe,

atthispointjustdoanythingtomakethismadnessend.Enoughisenough.

IlookeddownatOliver.“Youdon’tseemsurprisedbythis.”

Heshookhishead.“I’mnot.Noneofusare.Shedoesitallthetime.”

“Sure.Allthetime.Peopleturningintotreesiscompletelynormal.I’llbite.Whydoessheturnintoa

treeallthetime,Oliver?”Isnapped.

Oliversteppedback,andGavincameupbehindme.“What’swrong,Novi?”Gavinquestioned.

MybodytrembledasIstaredatthetreethatwasBeira.“That.”Ipointed.“Beiraisnowatreeandit

seemsithappensallthetime.Iwantedtoknowwhy.”MyvoiceabitlouderthanIintended.

“Okay,reasonablequestion,butthatdoesn’texplainwhyyouaresoupset.”

“She’sgone.Justlikethat,gone,andsoonIwillbetoo.I’mallalone.”

Gavinintertwinedourfingers.“Notalone.Notanymore.”

“Andshe’snotgone,Novaleigh.”Oliveroffered.“ShehastoreturntothewhitetowatchoverLithia,

andthisisherwayofleavingsomethingforustorememberherbyuntilweseeheragain.Nothingmore.

She’swithusalwaysthisway.Intheair,thetrees,theleaves,allofit,”hesaidwithasoftsmile.

Inoddedandswallowedhard.Myhandswerestillshaking,andIwassuddenlyverycold.Shivers

ranupmyspine,andIcouldn’tstopfromtrembling.

“Novi,what’swrong?”Gavinsaidasherubbedmyhandstowarmthem.

Thetinkingsoundhadfallensilent.Thevoicesinthedistancechattered,andthespacethatwasonce

filledwithmuffledsoundshadnowfallensilent.

IlookeddownatOliver.“Iwanttogohomenow.”

HegaveaquicknodandrushedtoDermotandDemilewhounderstood,too,thesenseofurgencythat

wasbeckoningme.

Dermottookadropofwaterfromaleafandletitrolloverhisfingertipsforamoment.Itbeganto

grow until it was the width of his wingspan. He flicked his hands, twisting the water portal from flat

horizontaltovertical.“Let’sgo,”hesaidashepointedtothenowopenspaceinthewaterportal.

Demile stepped through first with Dermot’s help, then Cianna and Oliver, followed by myself and

Gavin. At first, everything was pitch black, and I felt disoriented. When I let my eyes adjust though, I

realizedwhereIwas––wherethisallbegan.TheexpansivelakewhereIarrived.TheplaceIsplashed

wateraccidentallyonWinston,andwhereImetthetwinqueensandOliver.IlookedoveratDermot.

“Here?”

“TheplacewhereyoufirstarrivedinSacrifeisthesameplaceyouwillneedtoreturn.”

“Howisshesupposedtodothat?”Gavinasked.

“Hello.”

Iturnedtoseethetwinqueenssidebyside,theirheadsslightlytiltedandsmiling.

Icurtsiedintheirdirection.“Itisgoodtoseeyouagain.”

“You”

“As”

“Well.”

“Brother,”Unasaidinherliltingvoiceassheinclinedherheadtohim.

“Demile,”Uphrensaidastheyhugged.

Oliverbowed.“Apleasure,myqueens.”

“Always”

“Oliver.”

ThetwoqueensmadetheirwayovertowhereGavinandIstood.

“Youaredifferent.”

“Motherhaschangedyou.”

Theyeachsaidastheyplayedwiththeendsofmyhair.

“This,too,suitsyou.”

Inodded.“Iagree,butIdomissthewayIlookedwhenIarrived.”

“Sochange.”

“Youhavethestrengthwithinyounow.”

IlookedoveratGavin.“Don’tlookatme,”hesaid,grinningwide.“Iwillloveyounomatterwhat

youlooklike.”Hereachedformyhand.

IclosedmyeyesandthoughtofwhatitwasthatIwanted.DidIwanttokeepmyblackhair,returnto

the pink, or go back to blonde? The one thing I knew for certain was that I didn’t want the Neapolitan

look. I smiled at the thought. I imagined my hair golden and glinting, saw myself as I once was and

realized I was not that girl anymore. I was someone new. I needed a different look to suit the new me.

Somewherein-between.Isettledonarichdarkbrown,hopingitlookedasgoodasI’dimaginedinmy

mind. When I opened my eyes everyone was staring at me. What happened next was beyond my

understanding.Theyallbowedtome.Notawordwasspoken,justareverenceIdidn’tdeserve.

Isighedandlistened.Notinkingsound.Iwasrunningoutoftime.IturnedtoDermot.“WhatdoIneed

todotogethome?Mytimeislimited,”Isaidwithasadsmile.

“You have to go out, and then you have to fall down,” he replied as he pointed to the cliff in the

distancethatdroppedatleastfiftyfeetintoapoolofwateremblazonedwithfire.

Myeyeswentwide.“You’vegottobekidding.”

Dermotshookhishead.“I’mafraidnot,Novaleigh.It’sthefinaltestofyourcommitmenttochange.”

Iranmyhandsthroughmyhair.“Trialbyfire,huh?”

“Notexactly.”

IturnedtolookatGavin.Icouldjuststayhereandwe’dbetogether,evenifitwouldonlylastawhile.

Something was better than nothing. I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. “I love

you,”Iwhispered.

Gavingentlycaressedmycheek.“I’msogratefulforthechancetoloveyouagain.”

“Ihavetogonow,butIwillfindyousoon.Ipromise,”IrepliedasIkissedhim.“IwishIcouldtake

youwithme,butIcan’t.Ihavetodothisalone.”

Hekissedmeagain.“Iknow.”

Ireluctantlysteppedawayfromhim,releasingourhandsandwalkingovertoUnaandUphren.“Thank

youforeverything.Yourfavorkeptmesafeandguidedmebacktoaplaceofpeace.”

Iwasn’tsureifitwasallowed,butIdiditanyway––Ihuggedthemboth.Theyweretakenabackat

firstbutreturnedthehuginkind.“You’rewelcome,”theysaidinunison.

Only a few more thank you’s to go, and I was ready to accept my fate. I had no idea if falling was

goingtowork,butitwasmyonlyoptionatthispoint.Ididn’tattempttohugDermotandDemile.They

radiatedanenergyIwasafraidtotouch,powersobigitfeltelectric.Instead,Ibidthemfarewellwithall

ofmygratitude.IaskedthemtotakecareofOliverandCianna,Beira,andGavinforaslongashewould

behere.Ididn’tknowwhatwouldhappentohimwithoutmebeingapartofSacrife,butIfeltlikeifhe

werehereonhisownaccord,hedeservedtheirfavor.Theyagreedandwishedmewellbutalsourgedmy

departure.

“I can send you close with Oliver as your guide, Novaleigh, but you must not delay any longer,”

Dermotstatedmatter-of-factly.

“Iunderstand.”

HeopenedanotherwaterportalandsentOliverandItotheplacewhereIneededtofall.Whenthe

portal closed I dropped to my knees. Fear gripping me. “How am I supposed to just fall off a cliff,

Oliver?”

Heliftedmychintomeethiseyes.“Faith.”Tearsfilledmyeyes.“Lookatallyou’veenduredsince

you’vebeenhere.Didyouthinkyouwould’vesurvivedthat?”

Ishookmyhead.

“Butyoudid.Youwillsurvivethistoo,”hesaidashewipedatearfrommycheek.“Andjustthink,

therealGavinisjustathoughtaway.He’swaitingforyou.Heandyourmom.”

“Iknow,”Icried.“I’mgoingtomissyou,Oliver.”

“Iwillmissyoutoo,Novi,butwe’llseeeachotheragainoneday.I’msureofit.”

I bit my lip as my chin trembled. I hugged Oliver tightly and finally released him when I found the

strengthtomove.“Okay.Let’sdothis.”

Oliverguidedmetotheedge.Thewavescrashedagainsttherocksdownbelowandthepinkandblue

flames danced over the surface. I had no idea if they were real or not, and at this point, I didn’t really

care.Itwastimetogohome.Timetoliveanewlife.

“Willtheflamesburn?WillIdrowninthecrashingwaves?”

“Justbreathe,Novi.”

IlookeddownonelasttimeandrealizedIdidn’twanttofallheadfirst.IthoughtabouthowGavin

andIusedtomakeagameoffallingwithourarmsspreadwideintothefairypoolsandthoughtthatwas

howIwantedallthistoend––GavinandIfallingbackwardsintotheunknown,allthewhileprayingfor

theoutcomewedreamedof.

“Goodbye,Oliver,”IsaidasIsteppedbackwardsandfelloffthecliff.

ChapterTwentySix

I fell into the water with a large splash and sunk like a stone. My feet guided the way as I drifted

furtherintothemurkydepths.

Down.

The water around me was freezing and felt as if my bones were going to snap from the pressure. It

wasthesamewayIfeltwhenIarrived.Theonlydifferencewas,thistimeIwasn’tafraid.

“Breathe,”Oliver’svoiceremindedme.

IcoughedandsputteredasItookmyfirstbreath.WhenIopenedmyeyes,mymomandGavinwereat

myside,cryingouttheirthankyou’sandgratitudetoanunseenforce.Iwasoutofthecoma.Iwasback…I

washome.IfocusedmyeyesonmymomandsqueezedherhandasIlookedatherbeautifulface.ThenI

turnedtoGavin.Theloveinhiseyeswasunmistakable,andIknewwe’dweatheredyetanotherstorm.

HelookedalmostthesameastheGavininSacrife,theonlydifferencewasthescruffaroundhisface.

Iwenttospeak,butmyvoicewasonlyawhisper.“Hi.”

Hiseyesfilledwithtears.I’donlyeverseenhimcryoncebeforeandthatwasafterhismotherdied,

butthesetearsweredifferent.Therewasnosadness,onlyjoy.

Gavinsqueezedmyhandharderandkissedmyfingertips.“Welcomehome.”

OneYearLater...

It’sbeenayearsinceIfellandwokeup.I’mmuchbetternowandaboutathousandtimeshappier.

Istartedthisjournalasawayofdocumentingmythoughts.Idon’teverintendonsharingitwiththe

world,butwhoknows,maybethere’sastoryinheresomewhere.Itcertainlyhasalltheelementsofa

greatfairytale.

TodayisexactlyoneyeartothedaysinceIwasinSacrifewiththefaeandOliver.Itseemslike

only yesterday and what a difference a year can make. The doctors told me I had an out of body

experiencebecauseIwassoclosetodeath,butIknowinmyheartitreallyhappened.Iwasintheland

oftheFaeandmetsometrulyamazingbeings.

WhenIwaswellenough,IflewhometoNewYorkandsaidgoodbyetothecitythatneverslept.Not

becauseIdidn’tloveit,butbecauseScotlandandanewlifewerewaitingforme,anditwastimetogo.

Isoldmyfurniture,shippedeverythingthatwassentimentalandofvaluebackhome,andsaidgoodbye

toeveryonewhomatteredtomehere,includingMr.KlineandEthan.Ididn’tdoitforthem,Ididitfor

me.Iwantedtostartthenewchapterofmylifewithoutanybaggage.I’dbeengivenasecondchance

tolivethelifeI’ddreamtabout,andIwasn’tgoingtoletanythingstandinmyway.

IlearnedalotinSacrife.Ilearnedhowtolivewithmydemonsinsteadoflettingthemcontrolme.

Istillhavemybaddays,butdon’tweall?It’sapartofliving.Thesacrificeyouhavetomaketofeel

the good. If you never experienced loss or pain, how would you know what it felt like to embrace

happiness in its purest form? I don’t ask those questions anymore. Instead, I exist in a place of

gratitudewheneverfearanddoubtcreepin.

Not much still exists of my former life other than my love of reading and editing. I live in my

grandparent’s house. I work from home, reading manuscripts for publishers and giving them my

thoughts,andIdon’ttakeonmorethanIcanhandle,butIreadeveryday.Ialsowritenow.Originally,

IthoughtI’dwriteaboutmyjourneybutrealizednoonewouldeverbelieveastoryaboutagirlwho

lost it all but gained so much more when she fell into a land of magic. So I decided I’d become a

children’sauthorandwritefairytales.There,IcantellanystoryIwant,nomatterhowfantasticaland

peoplewilltakeawaywhatevertheyneededfromit.I’maboutninetypercentintomyfirstbook.Only

twopeoplehavehearditsofar,buttheyseemtoloveit.I’llpraytheworldwilltoo.

Itakedailywalksoutintotheforesttovisitmytrees.NannaandPappaareforeverwithme,Oliver

too. There’s a family of otters that live just off one of the banks on the property. I know it’s not my

Oliver, but I imagine it is. It’s my greatest joy to envision Oliver and Cianna staying close to watch

overmejustincaseIeverfallagain.

MymomstillworksinGlasgowbutspendssomeweekendsandallofhervacationsherewithus.

GavinandIgotmarriedabouttwoandhalfmonthsaftermyaccident.Ididn’tseethepointinwaiting

anylongertostartthelifeIshould’vebeenlivingallalong.He’sdoingwell.Heownsalocalpuband

managesarestaurantwithabuddyofhisfromLondon.Wehaveahappylife,andit’sabouttogeteven

better.We’repregnant.LittleMissisduetoarriveanydaynow.Infact,she’salreadythreedayslate.I

threatenevictiondailybutshedoesn’tlisten.Gavinsaysshe’salreadylikeme,wantingtodothingson

her own time and not when she is supposed to. I hope that won’t continue to be a theme once she

arrives,butI’mcertainit’sasignofthingstocome.GodhelpusallifIendedupwithaminime.I’m

hopingshetakesafterherfather.

We’vedecidedtonameherFaeth.Wethoughtitsuitedherandus.Ichosetospellitdifferentlyto

honorthosewhomadeherpossible,andwebothknowittookrealfaithtobringmehome.She’sour

greatestblessing, after thegift of usreuniting. I didn’t expectthis much happiness,I really didn’t. I

thinkwhenyouallowyourselftothinkaboutnothingbutthethingsthataregoingwrong,there’sno

roomtoseeallthatisgoingright.

BeforeIfell,IalwaysfeltlikeIwasdrowningevenwhenIwasnowherenearwater.Lostinthesea

oflifewithnoplacetoturn.Sure,thereweredayswhenIfeltasthoughIcould’vetakenontheworld,

butonthoseotherdays,itwasasifmyinnerdialogueof“I’mnotgoodenough”wasthreateningto

drown me in its dark abyss. The day I let all that fear and worry consume me was the day it all

changed.IslippedoffthatbridgeandfellintothevoidI’dalwaysdreamtabout.Thethingwas,that

was also that day I started to live. Odd, but absolutely true. The simplest answer I’ve been able to

comeupwithforthisis––youneedtofallbeforeyoucanrise.

Sacrifetaughtmethatlivinginthespacebetweenlifeanddeathwasnotreallyliving.Ithoughtit

was a place where I would feel alive, because in that moment, I just wanted to feel something––

anything. Instead, I felt nothing. I think we all have pendulum swings between great happiness and

totalemptiness,butthekeyistolessenthedistancebetweenthetwoemotions.Beforemyfall,Ifelt

like I was on a ride at the fair where the carnival worker found great humor in letting me suffer

becausehecontrolledthelevertomakeitallstop.Butnow,I’mincontrol.Don’tgetmewrong,Istill

hate the pendulum swing of emotions because I’m a “I have it all together” kind of gal, but I’m so

gratefulthatInolongerhavetodealwithitalone.Icanbethedichotomyoftwobeingslivingwithin

thesamebody.Thedifferencenowiswecommunicatewithoneanothertoembracethelightandthe

dark.Trustme,greyisamucheasierhuetomanage.

I often think about my time in Sacrife. The twin queens, Golar, Mabellio, Dermot, Demile, even

Lithiaandthewarden;theyallshowedmedifferentaspectsofmyself.Oliverguidedmegently,while

Beira and Oona, took a more direct approach. I guess it just goes to show that your mind knows all

alonghowtogetyoutoyourdestiny,butcuriosityandfreewillcansometimessteeryouoffcourse.

You think you know what’s best for you, but you still go a different way. The positive in those

experiencesisthatsometimesyoulearnyourgreatestlessonsthere.

I can only hope that Faeth will learn from my mistakes and make better choices, but my mother

saysIdidn’tlistentoheradvice,soIshouldn’tgetmyhopesup.Ihadtoforgemyownpathwithmy

ownhillsandvalleys.ButI’mcertainFaethwillbebetterthanme,becauseshehasGavin’sDNAtoo,

andhe’ssomuchbetteratdealingwiththingsthanIam.He’smyhero,andIcanonlyassumehe’llbe

herstoo.

“Babe,I’mhome,”Gavincalledoutfromtheotherroom.

“I’minhere.Justwritinginmyjournal.”

“Youreadytogoforourwalk?”

I smiled over my shoulder. I never got tired of looking at him. He was standing in the doorway,

leaning against the frame. There are times I look at him and see the boy he once was and not the man

beforeme.Thethingis,though,hisheartandhischarmhaveneverchanged.He’squirkyandodd.He’s

funnyandhemakesmefeellikeahumanbeing––flawsandall.Ilovehim.I’vealwayslovedhimeven

whenIdidn’tknowit.Gavinisthesolidfoundationtowhichwearenowbuildingourlifeupon.Justlike

Nannasaid,he’smyquerencia.

ItoldhimandmymothereverysinglethingthathappenedwhileIwasinSacrife.Theybelievedme––

saidtherewasnowayIcould’vemadeallofthatup,itwastoopersonal.Partofmethinkstheydiditto

appeaseme,butthenmymomremindedmeofthegiftNannaandIshared––clairaudience.Shetoldmemy

fathercalleditcrap,saiditwasjustaployofhismother’stogetintohisheadandtryandchangehim,but

we knew better. It’s funny how I never saw my dad on my journey. It certainly wasn’t because I didn’t

lovehimorthathedidn’tmatter.Itwasjustthatwe’dsaidallweneededtosaytooneanother.Therewas

nounfinishedbusinesswhenitcametoheandI––wewere,ashelikedtocallit,square.

I leaned on the desk and pushed up. My back was aching, and I was a bit unstable with my belly

protrudingtwofeetinfrontofme.

“Here,letmehelpyou,”Gavinoffered.

“I’mreallyreadyforthispeanuttocomeout.”

Herubbedmybelly.“Thatisnopeanut.Itlookslikeyouateawatermelon.”

Islappedhisshoulder.“Seriously?”

Hissmiledropped.“Yes.Itseriouslylookslikeyouswallowedawatermelon.Maybetwo.”

Ishookmyhead.“Idon’tlikeyou.”

“Yesyoudo.Youevendiedandcamebackfromthedepthsofhelltoproveit,”heteasedashekissed

me.“Comeon,walktime.”

We made our way out the front door and towards the dirt path leading up to the trees I have now

dubbed“NannaandPappa”.Theyweren’tsidebyside,buttheywereincloseproximitytooneanother.

Pappa’streewasanoldyewtreewithamassivetrunkandlotsofgnarlyrootseruptingfromtheground,

andNanna’streewasanoldmajesticoakwithagloriouscanopy.Both,ironically,lookedverysimilarto

thetreesIencounteredinSacrife.Imust’vetappedintothemandsomehowconvertedthetreesIknewso

wellasakidtothetreeswhospokeandprovidedtheguidanceIneeded.Themindisfunnylikethat,I

suppose,pullingthisandthatfromyoursubconscioustomeldthemintosomeformofrationalthought.I’m

notreallysure,butagain,I’mgratefulIhadthechancetosaymypieceandgettheclosureIneeded,no

matterwhatformithappenedin.

“Onemorelittlehillandyou’vegotthis,”Gavinsaidashehelpedmeup.

Ihuffed.“OnemorefeelslikeI’mclimbingamountain.”

WhenwemadeittoNanna’stree,Ilaidmyhandonthetrunk.“Hi,Nanna.”

Nothinghappened,ofcourse,thetreedidn’tcometolifeandshiftintoahumantooffermewisdom

and guidance, but just being near it felt like I was close to her. The same happened when I touched

Pappa’stree.Justpeaceandhappymemories.

“Doyouwanttositandreadabitbeforewegobackinside?”

Ishookmyheadandlaughed.“I’mafraidifIsitdown,Iwon’tbeabletogetbackup.”

“Sobacktothehousethen?”

Inodded.

Justthenmywaterbroke.

ShockwarpedmyfeaturesandGavinyelled.“What’swrong?”

Ibitmylipandsaid.“She’scoming.”

“Who?”

Idroppedmyshouldersandflippedmyhandsintheair.“Ourdaughter.”

“OhGod,”hesaidashescrambledtohelpme.

GavinandIweremakingourwaybackdowntothepathwhenIheardvoicescallingtome.Istopped

and turned. “We’re so proud of you, Novi. You and Gavin are going to be great parents. We give our

loveandblessingtothethreeofyou.Pleasemakesuretobringthatbeautifulgirltovisitus.Wecan’t

waittomeether.”Tearswelledinmyeyesastheyewandoakshiftedintomygrandparents,butitwasn’t

justthem.IsaweveryoneofimportancefromSacrife.Ismiledandwasremindedagain,inthatmoment,

Sacrifehadbeenrealandwehadtrulybeenblessed.

“Honey,areyouokay?”

“Iam.Canyounotseethem?”Ismiled.

“Seewho?”

“Them.”Ipointed.

Atfirstheshookhisheadandthenhisfacechanged.They’drevealedthemselvestohim,showinghim

thattheywerereal.

“Well,I’llbedamned.”

I chuckled. “No, we’re blessed.” My belly constricted, and I grabbed hold of Gavin’s arm and

squeezedittight.“Andwearehavingababy.Ithinkweneedtogo.”

“Yeah.”Helookedbackandforthbetweenthemandme.“Rightthen.”

Itookonelastlookatthemandhopedmyclairaudiencewasworking.“Seeyousoon.Weloveyou.”

TheywavedandwatchedasGavinandImadeourwaytothecar.Icouldstillseetheminthedistance

ashedroveawayfromthehouse.Whatablessing.Oneyeartotheday––mydaughterwillbeborn,and

thelandofthefaeshoweditselfoncemore.Miraclesdohappenaslongaswehavefaith.

Whenadreamofdyingactuallybecomesachancetolive…allyouhavetodoisfall.

TheEnd

AbouttheAuthor

BrynnMyersisanadultparanormalromanceauthor.Afterconsideringwritingahobbyforyears,she

finallyturnedherpassionandtalentintoacareer.Shecameintotheparanormalgenrelaterthanmostbut

has always loved fairytales and all things magical. Using that love, she creates charmed worlds by

writing stories involving passionate, strong willed characters with something to discover. Brynn lives

withherfamilyincentralFlorida.

LearnmoreaboutBrynnandherbooksbyvisitingthefollowinglinks:

Website:http://www.brynnmyers.com

Twitter:https://twitter.com/brynnmyers

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBrynnMyers

OtherBooksbyBrynnMyers

JorjaGraham

TheLife&DeathofJorjaGraham(Book1)

TheEchoedLifeofJorjaGraham(Book2)

PropheciesofTheNineseries

Entasy(Book.5)

Redemption(Book1)

Stand-aloneTitles/Anthologies

FairyTaleConfessions

Document Outline

FALLING
FOCUS
Brynn Myers
Praise for Entasy
Praise for Redemption
Praise for The Life & Death of Jorja Graham
Praise for The Echoed Life of Jorja Graham
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
One Year Later...
The End
About the Author
Other Books by Brynn Myers
Jorja Graham
Prophecies of The Nine series
Stand-alone Titles/Anthologies

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