WHAT WE DESERVE

Kerry Freeman

www.loose-id.com

What We Deserve

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eISBN 978-1-61118-632-1
Editor: Jules Robin
Cover Artist: Valerie Tibbs
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Dedication

To my husband, who's pretty sure I'm certifiable but loves me anyway.

Acknowledgement

Many thanks to Becca Scott and Shae Connor for beta-reading and cheerleading, Jules

Robin for making me seem literate, my critique group for keeping me sane, and a wonderful

group of friends I call the Chicago Girls for encouraging me to write.

Journal Entry

May 4, 1992

Last night, I realized I am in love with Jamie.

I mean, not like a best friend or a brother I never had or anything like that.

I love love him.

Yesterday at school, my friends were talking about what happens when you love someone.

They said that you think about the person all the time and that you get really nervous around

them. One of the girls said that you have dreams about the person. Maybe in your dreams you

hold hands and kiss. One of the guys laughed and said that maybe you have dreams of the person

naked.

Then the bell rang, and lunch was over.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it all night. I think about Jamie all the time, and I even

dream about him. The dreams freaked me out at first, because Jamie and I were touching each

other in them. Not anything too weird…at least at first. Then I dreamed about kissing him. A lot.

I never dream about girls or think about girls that way. The first guys I ever thought about

like that were Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp, and I kinda knew what that meant. But to feel that way

about Jamie…

Jamie and I have been best friends as long as I can remember. My dad and his mom teach

at UGA, and our parents are all really good friends. Even though he’s in high school now, Jamie

still hangs out with me. Mom and Dad even let me ride with Jamie in his truck now that he has

his license.

He’s really nice, and he listens to me. Even when I’m a basket case, like I was today.

Kerry Freeman

We’re standing at the counter at Jack’s waiting for lunch, and I tell him all about how Josh

at school says that Alabama will always be better than Georgia in football and yelled at me

because I said that’s not true. Jamie’s looking at me and smiling. I can’t stop talking, because if I

stop talking, I’ll start thinking about how much I love Jamie. I can’t think about that when I’m

around him. It makes me nervous.

Jamie’s laughing, and I feel butterflies all in my stomach. Even though I’m talking a mile a

minute, Jamie is listening to every single word. The only time he looks away from me is when

the Jack’s lady calls another number. He’s got the most awesome brown eyes. How come I never

noticed that before? I’m just staring at his awesome brown eyes, and I have no idea how long

I’ve been doing that when he asks me if I’m okay.

No, I’m not okay. I’m staring at my best friend…the guy I love…and I probably look like

a complete idiot. I know I’m blushing, because my face feels really hot all of the sudden. And

I’m telling him all about how hungry I am and that Mom made chocolate chip pancakes for

breakfast, but that was hours ago. And then I talked about that time we went to see Wayne’s

World and my stomach growled so loud people stared at me.

Why can’t I just shut up?

Jamie is smiling again. Before I make myself look any dorkier, the lady calls our number.

Jamie grabs one bag and hands me the other. I follow him out to the parking lot to his truck. It’s

old and red, and I think it’s cool. I tell him that I’ll be glad when I can drive and take him places.

Jamie grabs me around the shoulders and hugs me tight. He’s really warm and a little

sweaty from the heat. I can smell something spicy on him, and I wonder if it’s his soap. I notice

he didn’t shave today. He says that he will let me drive him but I have to wait until I get my

license in four years. When he unlocks my door and holds my bag until I climb in my seat, he

asks if it’s okay if he drives me around until then.

Crap, I’m blushing again. I can just feel it. I take both bags, put them in the floorboard, and

don’t look back up at him. I tell him that would be awesome.

He smiles and shuts the door, and I try to get my heart to stop beating so fast.

Yeah, I am so in love with Jamie.

What We Deserve

Chapter One

1998

I looked into the mirror and scowled at myself. I’d spent over an hour deciding what to

wear and how to fix my hair only to end up looking like I always did. My hair, long in front, was

hanging into my eyes and shaggy against my neck. My parents hated it, but Jamie had once said

he liked it. I despised the freckles sprayed across the bridge of my nose, but they came in a

package deal with my dark auburn hair.

“Sean,” my mother called from the doorway behind me, “why aren’t you dressed?” When I

turned to glare at her, she gave me her evil smile. “Just kidding. You look nice.”

Nice? I didn’t want to look nice. I turned back to the mirror and examined myself, dressed

in a dark green polo and khakis. As much as I tried, I still looked like a complete geek. All I

needed to complete the look was a pocket protector. At least my sneakers were a little bit stylish.

I jumped when my mother’s arms wrapped around me and she looked over my shoulder.

“Come on, sweetheart, it’s just a college graduation. Why all the stress?”

“It’s nothing.” If my blush didn’t give me away, staring at my feet was sure to. “I just

didn’t want to embarrass you and Dad in front of your friends.”

“Don’t be silly.” Mom kissed my cheek and then rubbed the resulting lipstick mark away

with her thumb. “You’d never embarrass us. I’d kill you if you did.”

I laughed, shaking my head at her reflection in the mirror. “Remind me to add death threats

to my list of complaints to send to child services.”

“You do that. It’ll be months before they even get around to investigating. I’ll have you

buried by then.”

My mouth hung open. “Mom!”

Kerry Freeman

Releasing me, she laughed and walked to the door. “Come on now. Your dad’s already left

since he’s in the procession. We don’t want to be late and miss James getting his diploma. I’ll be

downstairs waiting.”

James. It was hard to think of Jamie as a James. It sounded so grown-up. Then again, he

was grown-up now, soon to be a college graduate. As always, I was following in his footsteps.

Only I was so far behind that I would never catch up to him.

We made it to graduation just in time to find our seats next to Col. Matthews, Jamie’s

father. Like my dad, Jamie’s mother was a professor at the University of Georgia, and they were

both waiting to enter Stegeman Coliseum, where graduation was being held. As impressive as

the entire ceremony would be, I was most anxious to see Jamie in his black cap and gown take

the stage.

Col. Matthews peered at me over his program as I took a seat between him and my mother.

“Well, hello there, Sean. Good to see you.”

I swallowed hard. Col. Matthews was an intimidating man, retired army, and he made me

nervous. “Nice to see you too, sir. Congratulations on Jamie’s graduation.”

He nodded and looked past me to talk to my mother.

Finally, the ceremony started. From our seats, it was hard to distinguish one black-clad

graduate from another. They were all just so many little ants. Still, when Jamie walked onto the

coliseum floor, I was immediately aware of him. My gaze was locked on him, following his

steady glide to his chair. Once there, he looked up into the stands, his eyes darting back and forth

until he finally saw us. He smiled and waved at us, and I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot when

I waved back.

Every so often during the ceremony, Mom would point at something or someone and

whisper some arcane fact in my ear. When the students began to receive their degrees, she

grabbed my hand.

“Just think, Sean,” she whispered, “in four years that will be you walking across that

stage.”

Four years seemed so far away. So much could happen. I only hoped that my future

included Jamie. I couldn’t imagine one that didn’t.

What We Deserve

I sat at attention when Jamie began to walk across the stage. His mother was waiting for

him at the other end, and even as far away as we were, I could see that she was crying. Jamie

strode toward her, his steps sure and his body fluid. He wasn’t the scrawny sixteen-year-old I had

fallen in love with. At twenty-two, he was strong and self-possessed, and watching him take his

mother into his arms, I fell in love with him a little more.

Tapping my feet on the concrete floor of the bleachers, I took a mental inventory of all the

reasons Jamie would never love me in return. I was a geek. I was tall and lanky. My hands were

too big for my arms. I had red hair and freckles.

The biggest reason, however, was the most important. I wasn’t sure Jamie was even gay.

He wasn’t much of a partier or dater, but that could have been attributed to his seriousness about

school. He never talked about girls, or guys for that matter, around me. But we hadn’t spent

much time together since the summer before he started college. He could have fucked every girl

in his dorm for all I knew.

And all I knew was that the boy—no, the man—I loved was my best friend. I had that if I

never had anything else, and that was okay.

Fifteen hundred names later, we walked out the nearest exit to meet my dad, Jamie’s

mother, and Jamie outside. Dad and Dr. Matthews were already waiting for us. As we talked

about the ceremony and the commencement speaker’s speech, I saw Jamie walking toward us.

He hugged both his parents and shook both my parents’ hands. When he reached me, he

smiled and slapped me lightly on the shoulder.

“Thanks for coming, Sean. It’s really good to see you.”

My stupid cheeks were suddenly on fire. “No problem, Jamie. Congratulations, by the

way.”

His smile widened, showing off his deep dimples. Gazing into his bright eyes, I wondered

if I’d ever seen a more beautiful shade of deep brown. He’d let his hair grow out a little, and the

dirty blond strands were blowing in the early-summer breeze.

“I’m sorry I missed your graduation.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay. I know you had a final.”

“I wanted to be there.” His voice dropped. “I hope you know that.”

Kerry Freeman

My dad cleared his throat and brought us back to reality. I thought I saw a brief flash of

embarrassment across Jamie’s face. He looked down at his feet and toed the grass, looking all of

sixteen again.

“You’re all going to dinner with us, right?” Dr. Matthews asked. “We made reservations

for everyone. I know James would really like you to come with us.”

Jamie nodded, and after some token resistance, my parents agreed. We separated to find

our cars, and forty-five minutes and one huge traffic jam later, we arrived at the most expensive

restaurant in Athens. I followed at the back of the group, half due to fear I was underdressed and

half due to wanting to watch Jamie walk up the restaurant’s brick steps.

Dinner passed in a blur. I was either staring at Jamie or trying to remember which fork to

use. When our salads arrived, I hesitated, my hand hovering over my silverware.

Jamie leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Screw the forks. Let’s eat with our hands.”

His sly grin and wink instantly made me feel better. And made me have very, very bad

thoughts at the same time. I was hopeless.

I barely participated in the dinner conversation. My only contribution was to declare that

computer science would be my major when I started UGA in the fall. Everyone at the table

nodded and agreed that my choice was really no surprise. Jamie said I was destined to forever

make more money than he would. I always wondered what he would do with a sociology degree,

but he consistently avoided any discussion about his future. It wasn’t like him to not have a plan.

After dinner, we all stood in the parking lot to decide on our next destination. My parents

were going to the Matthews’ house, and Jamie was going to a postgraduation party on campus.

This left me the odd man out, and I just wanted to go home.

Jamie bumped me with his shoulder. “Why don’t you go to the party with me? You might

meet some people you’ll run into again in the fall.”

“I don’t know, James.” Yes, my mother, perpetual voice of reason and cockblocker. “He’s

a little young for a college party.”

“Aw, Sarah, let’s let him go.” Dad hooked his arm around Mom’s waist. “He’ll be going to

them in a few months anyway.”

What We Deserve

Jamie nodded. “It’ll be fine, Mrs. Miller. I’ll take care of him like I always do. Nothing

will happen to him on my watch.”

Instead of looking at my parents as he spoke, Jamie fixed his serious gaze on me. For once,

I didn’t blush. I locked eyes with him, hoping he could see how I felt about him but also scared

that he would.

Mom waved us off. “Okay, okay. Just get him home in one piece. I’d hate to have to injure

you, James.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Jamie gave her a joking salute before turning to me. “Let’s go before she

changes her mind.”

I gave Mom the hug she insisted on and followed Jamie to his truck. It was the same old

red beast he’d driven the summer I realized I was in love with him. He walked over to the

passenger door and opened it for me. I climbed onto the bench seat.

Jamie leaned against the open door. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” I said more confidently than I felt.

Jamie smiled, a slight blush spreading across his cheeks. He shut my door, shaking his

head as he walked over to the driver’s side. He climbed behind the wheel, and we were off.

* * *

I’m not sure what I expected, but I hadn’t expected a college party to look just like a high

school party. Except with more booze. And cuter guys.

Oh, there were lots of cute guys.

As soon as we entered the crowded room, Jamie undid his tie, leaving it to hang loose

under the collar of his crisp white shirt. He unbuttoned the top two buttons, taking a deep breath

as he opened the collar.

“That’s much better. This tie has been driving me nuts all day.”

Across the room, a few people, most dressed like Jamie, waved us toward them. Jamie

helped me navigate the crowd, and we reached the other side fairly unscathed. Once there, he

introduced me to his friends. I noticed they all called him Jim, which didn’t fit him. They seemed

Kerry Freeman

to know me already, even if I’d never heard of any of them. No one treated me like a kid, which

was a nice change.

Occasionally, Jamie would smile at me or nudge me with his elbow, which was his way of

making sure I was still okay. It felt nice to have him concerned about me, even if it was his big

day. He asked me if I wanted a drink, stressing it would be nonalcoholic, and left me to find the

kitchen. When he returned, I sat on a ratty orange couch and sipped the soda he’d brought me.

Jamie sat on the couch arm next to me, and our shoulders brushed together every time he

moved. His friends chattered and drank and sometimes sang badly with the music blaring from

another room. My usual shyness wore off quickly, and I joined in my own off-key way.

Jamie tapped my arm, and I looked up to find him smiling warmly. He leaned down to talk

over the noise.

“You look like you’re having a good time.”

“I am.” I took the final drink of my soda. “Thanks for bringing me.”

“I wanted to spend some time with you.” He covered one ear with his hand. “Sorry it’s so

loud, though.”

I blushed at his admission. “No, really, I’m good. Wanted to see what I had to look

forward to.”

He leaned back against the wall, his arm behind me across the back of the couch. “Sean, I

know you’re a party animal and all, but you are coming here to learn.” He shook his finger at me

for a second before bursting into laughter.

“Hey, I could party if I wanted to. And maybe if I took a Valium or four.”

“Sure you could. I probably dragged you to every party you ever went to. Granted, you

were too young to get into too much trouble.”

Squaring my shoulders and puffing up my chest, I gave him my best glare. “Yeah, well I’m

all grown-up now.”

“Yes, you are,” he muttered.

We were quiet for a few minutes while we watched the crowd. Finally, I had to ask the

question that had bothered me all night. “Jamie?”

He snapped his head up as if he’d been caught daydreaming. “Yeah?”

What We Deserve

“Now that you’ve graduated, what are you going to do?” I selfishly prayed he would say

he was staying at UGA for grad school. For once, I wanted us to be in the same place at the same

time.

“I want to talk to you about that, but later, somewhere where I can actually hear myself

think.” He frowned and took the red plastic cup from my hand. “Let me get us something else to

drink.”

I watched him walk away, and he looked back at me once, a forced smile on his face. He

was worried, maybe even scared. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just talk to me now. I’d

known him since we were little kids. Talking to each other, even during these past few years

when we hadn’t seen much of each other, had never been a problem.

I saw one of Jamie’s friends rubbing her feet, and I jumped up to give her my seat. She was

very appreciative and kicked off her high heels with a sigh. As we talked, I discovered that she

was a computer science major. She had a wealth of inside information and gossip, and I found

out which professors to avoid and which to seek out.

I had just finished talking to my new geek girl friend when I looked up into a pair of

intense green eyes. The man in front of me was definitely checking me out, and I couldn’t stop

the sweeping gaze I passed up and down his body. He was slightly taller than me, but he was

built much more solidly. His eyes and inky black hair were set off by his smooth, dark olive skin.

His full lips were turned up into a gorgeous smile, and he moved toward me.

He leaned a little closer and held his hand out to me. “Hi, I’m Mark Jefferson.”

I wrapped my fingers around his hand, and he shook my hand firmly, holding on to it for a

few seconds. “I’m Sean.” I swallowed, trying to relieve the dry feeling in my mouth. “Sean

Miller.”

“So, Sean, what year are you? Sophomore?”

I was thrilled that he thought I was older. “No, a freshman. Well, I will be in the fall.”

Suddenly, I worried he’d think I was very young. “I’m already eighteen, though.”

He smiled. “I wasn’t too far off. At least you’re legal, though, right?” He winked. “I’ll be a

junior myself. Electrical engineering. You?”

“Computer science.”

Kerry Freeman

He leaned against the wall, facing me. “CS is a solid major. We’ll probably run into each

other a lot.”

I thought that maybe running into Mark wouldn’t be a bad thing. He was relaxed and

friendly…and obviously more than a little interested in me. It wasn’t as if being with Jamie

would ever really be a possibility. Still, even talking to Mark felt a little like giving up.

Groans sounded from everywhere when the first strains of “My Heart Will Go On” played.

While some of Jamie’s friends called for the death penalty for the DJ, Mark moved a little closer.

“I’m going to tell you a secret.” He scanned the room with a look of mock conspiracy

before whispering in my ear. “I absolutely loved Titanic.”

I giggled like a little kid. “Me too.”

“Leo,” we both said, sighing.

I leaned against the wall next to him, and suddenly my eyes went wide. I grabbed his wrist.

“Oh my God!”

He laughed, and it was a nice sound. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told about my Leo crush.” My cheeks were on fire.

“Really? And how do you feel?”

How did I feel? I felt like I was being myself for the first time in my life. I hadn’t exactly

come out to him, but judging by the look on his face, I didn’t have to.

“I feel pretty great.”

Seeing movement out of the corner of my eye, I turned to see Jamie glaring at us. I

dropped Mark’s arm and backed away from him.

Jamie frowned, and his eyes darted between Mark and me. “I think it’s time to get you

home.”

“No, you don’t have to do that. I’m good. You don’t have to leave on my account.”

“Seriously,” he said, his voice low, “we need to go.”

I looked at Mark apologetically. “Sorry. I…”

Mark just smiled. “It’s okay. I understand.” He stared hard at Jamie before turning back to

me. “Like I said, I’m sure we’ll see each other around.”

What We Deserve

Not knowing what else to say, I pushed off the wall and followed Jamie, who gave Mark

one more harsh glance before ushering me through the crowd and out the door.

Kerry Freeman

Chapter Two

The drive to my house was completely silent. Jamie didn’t spare a single look in my

direction. He was always quiet when he was angry, but I wasn’t sure what I could have done to

him. One second I’d been talking to Mark, and then before I knew it…

With horror I realized that Jamie had seen me flirting with Mark. Several scenarios ran

through my mind, and they all ended with him turning away from me in disgust. I chewed on my

fingernails, worried that he might tell his parents or, even worse, mine. Keeping them in the dark

was only going to last until I moved into the dorms. My coming-out plans didn’t include them

hearing about it thirdhand from their best friends.

Jamie parked the truck in my driveway. My parents were still at the Matthews’ house and,

knowing them, wouldn’t be home for hours. I bolted for the front door, and Jamie followed close

behind. My hands shook as I fumbled with my keys. When I finally opened the door, I reached

out for the light switch, only to have a hand wrap around my wrist.

Jamie pulled me toward him and closed the front door. His forehead was creased, his

eyebrows furrowed. He chewed on his lip the way he always did when he was mulling over

something. Sighing, he gazed at me intently.

“I want… I mean…” He released my wrist, sliding his hand into mine and threading our

fingers together. “Can I kiss you, Sean?”

I stood there, slack-jawed and staring. None of my scenarios included this. My brain

couldn’t process what was happening, and I couldn’t manage to say the one word I really wanted

to say.

“W-w-what?”

Jamie turned his head and released my hand. “Nothing. God, I’m an idiot. Just…just

pretend I didn’t say anything. I’ll go.”

What We Deserve

Suddenly my brain engaged, and I desperately clutched his shirtsleeve, stopping his retreat.

I took a deep breath. “Yes.”

His head snapped up, his eyes wide. “What?”

“Please,” I whispered. “Kiss me.”

He cradled my face in his hands, and his eyes bore into me. His expression was as serious

as I’d ever seen it. He slowly closed the distance between us. It was as if he was giving me every

chance to change my mind.

That wasn’t going to happen.

His lips brushed against mine, and he pulled back to gauge my reaction. My cheeks were

hot, and I licked my lips to soothe the tingling. He grinned and moved forward to press our

mouths together again.

Soft and full, his lips parted, and my mouth moved with his of its own volition. We were

locked together like pieces of a beautiful puzzle, two parts fitting only one another. When

Jamie’s left arm fell around my waist and pulled me closer, I finally allowed my eyes to close

and my mouth to open.

The tip of his tongue darted between my lips and back into his mouth, encouraging me to

follow. And I did, tasting him with a deep swipe of my tongue. There was a lingering hint of

alcohol, and I wondered how much liquid courage he’d needed to ask me such a simple yet life-

altering question.

He broke away only to kiss a trail along my jaw and down my neck. His lips left intense

shocks everywhere they touched, and I whimpered when his mouth latched on to my shoulder.

He released my flesh with a pop, gently kissing the spot.

“Are you okay?” he whispered against my neck.

I wriggled my arms, trapped between us, until I could wrap them around his back. “Yeah,

I’m pretty great right about now.”

He chuckled into my ear. “Me too.” He rubbed his cheek against mine, and his light

stubble scratched me. “I should probably go.”

Kerry Freeman

After finally tasting him, I wasn’t ready for the night to end. I pulled back just enough to

look into his eyes, to let him see how much I meant what I was saying. “Please don’t.” I held him

tighter. “Come upstairs.”

The hand still cupping my face moved until its fingers combed through my hair. He tugged

my head until our lips crashed together again, his mouth opening immediately and his tongue

searching for mine. When I pressed my hard cock against his hip, his groan echoed in our joined

mouths.

I pulled away again, this time taking his hand and leading him through the dark living

room to the stairway. I didn’t know where my sudden surety came from, but I didn’t question it.

The instant he kissed me, there was no question I’d give myself to him. There was nothing I

didn’t want him to have. An unusual calm swept over me as we climbed the stairs. I loved him,

and I trusted him. I was going to let him do whatever he wanted to me.

When we reached my room, I let him enter ahead of me and closed the door behind me. He

walked over to my bedside lamp and turned it on. I waited for him to hesitate, to ask me if I was

sure this was what I wanted. Instead he held out his hand for mine. When I gave it to him, he

pulled me toward him.

“I know this is your first time.” He swept the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. “I

promise to take good care of you.”

I nodded, my emotions almost getting the best of me. We were really doing this. In my

fantasies, I surrendered, letting him lead the way. Not knowing what to do now, I decided that

seemed as good a plan as any.

Jamie snuck his hands underneath my shirt and ran them up and down my chest. I shivered

when his fingertips grazed my nipples and stifled a giggle when they traced lightly over my ribs.

His lazy smile again displayed his dimples. As his hands moved to my back, I leaned forward

and placed a wet kiss at the corner of his mouth, tracing a dimple with my tongue.

His fingers dug into my hips, and he ground his cock against mine. Fuck, that felt good. I

wanted to do it again, and I bucked against him, sliding along his length. His hands moved to

splay over my ass, pressing me tight against him. He slowly thrust against me and laughed when

my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

What We Deserve

“You like that?” He punctuated his words with more thrusts and moaned with the last, hard

stroke. “Believe me, Sean, I do too.”

Hearing the rough desire in his voice, I focused on his face. A sheen of sweat covered his

forehead, and his eyes were dark and sleepy. His face and neck were flushed a light scarlet. In all

the years I’d known him, he’d never been more beautiful or vulnerable.

Burying my face in the crook of his neck, I began to unbutton his shirt with trembling

hands. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make the first button go through the stupid hole.

Jamie stilled my hands with his, and he deftly opened his shirt and let it fall to the floor. I swept

my hand over his chest and let it rest over his pounding heart.

“Your turn, baby,” he whispered as he pulled away.

He grabbed the hem of my polo and then peeled it off slowly. Even in the warm summer

air, goose bumps broke out across my skin. He popped the button on my pants and, taking the

zipper tab between his fingers, stopped to look at me.

“Is this okay?”

I swallowed hard, and my mouth was still so dry I could barely whisper. “Yes.”

He slowly unzipped my pants. Sliding his hands underneath the waistband of my briefs, he

pulled everything down until it was all bunched around my feet and he was kneeling on the floor.

As I raised each foot, he removed my shoes and socks, and I kicked off the last of my clothes.

In my dreams, I was always the one on my knees, waiting to worship my lover. Instead,

Jamie looked up at me, and my breath hitched when his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He

never took his eyes off mine as he reached up and wrapped his fingers around my cock.

“I want to make you feel good.” He slowly stroked my cock. “I want to taste you.”

I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded. I watched with wide eyes as he licked the very tip,

teasing the slit with his tongue. I didn’t know what to do with my hands, so I balled them into

fists at my sides.

“My head,” he whispered. “Put your hands on my head.”

I relaxed my fingers and rested my hands on the back on his head. His lips parted, and I

was engulfed in his hot, wet mouth. He began to move up and down my shaft, applying the

slightest amount of suction.

Kerry Freeman

“Jamie…oh, God…that feels so good.” I moaned as I felt his hand begin to massage my

balls.

His other hand wrapped around my hip, and he pulled me toward him, encouraging me to

thrust into his mouth. My hands cradled the back of his head as I moved in and out. I couldn’t

stop myself, and my thrusts went deeper and deeper. His groans vibrated around my cock. His

fingers dug into my hip. I was already on edge when he tightened his lips around me and took me

into his throat.

My entire body tensed, and I came hard, my cock pulsing again and again. I could feel him

swallow around me, and he kept me in his mouth until I was completely spent. He pulled away

slowly and gave the head a final lick before releasing me. Grinning like a fool, I looked down at

him, and my head spun. I teetered back and forth on my jelly legs until Jamie sprang up, caught

me, and squeezed me tight.

“Hey there,” he said, laughing as he brushed my hair away from my face. “Are you okay?”

My head lolled onto his shoulder, and I kissed his neck. “Okay doesn’t even begin to

describe how I feel right now.” Letting him hold me up, I closed my eyes.

He swept me up into his arms and carried me to the bed. He paused only briefly, taking a

deep breath before laying me down.

“Please don’t go to sleep on me.” He leaned over and kissed me. “I’m not finished with

you yet.”

I turned onto my side, facing him as he stripped off his remaining clothes. I should have

been timid or at least embarrassed, but instead I watched him, transfixed. His muscles rippled

under his flushed skin as he stroked his cock while I watched. I needed him near me, and I held

my hand out to him. He took it and allowed me to pull him down onto the bed next to me.

We lay side by side, staring at each other, and Jamie traced the line of my bottom lip with

his finger. So many times growing up we’d shared a bed or a sleeping bag or a tent, but even as I

fell in love with him, I never imagined we’d end up like this. I’d hoped. I’d dreamed. But I never

really thought it would happen.

Feather touches quickly turned to desperate grasping, our bodies pressed together and

moving in unison. I lapped the sweat from his skin as my mouth moved over him. My hands

What We Deserve

were clumsy, but his gasps and moans told me he didn’t mind. I touched every inch of his body,

committing the sensation of his skin under my fingers to memory. No matter what else

happened, I didn’t want to forget how it felt to finally be his.

Jamie shifted me onto my back and hovered over me, his weight suspended on his

forearms. “We don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want.”

Clutching a handful of his soft hair, I pulled him down and kissed him. “I want.” I kissed

him again. “I want you.”

I blindly reached for the drawer of the bedside table, and Jamie laughed. He opened the

drawer, finding everything he’d need to make love to me. Retrieving the items, he looked at me,

his eyebrows raised.

I shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt to be prepared.”

His booming laugh echoed off the walls and filled the room. Still smiling, he kissed me,

his tongue teasing me. Without breaking our kiss, he spread and raised my legs until my knees

were pressed into my chest. The cap of the lube clicked, and I felt a cold trail dribble down the

cleft of my ass.

His slick finger traced slow circles around my entrance, and I immediately tensed. What

little bravado I’d had was gone, and I was afraid. As always, he could sense my fear, and he

shushed and whispered and kissed until I relaxed. Little by little, he pressed his finger into me

and thrust slowly until he could add another finger. When I could take both fingers and cried for

more, he slipped in a third. I was wanton, writhing underneath him and begging him to fuck me.

Concern was clear on his face. “Sean, baby, I can’t stop the pain, but I’ll try to make it go

away as fast as I can.”

I nodded, the fear bubbling up inside me again. I knew Jamie would take care of me. He

always did.

He rolled a condom down his shaft, stroking himself once for good measure. When he

pressed the tip of his cock to my hole, I held my breath, waiting for the invasion. I didn’t wait

long. Jamie slowly thrust forward past the tight muscle, and I winced from the burning pain. He

waited for me to relax again before going deeper, each time whispering words of promise and

encouragement. After several patient minutes, he was finally buried inside me, filling me.

Kerry Freeman

Joined together, we stilled. A tear ran down his cheek, and I wiped it away with my thumb.

Looking sadder than I’d ever seen him, he turned his face and rested against my hand. He took a

deep breath and turned farther, placing a kiss in my palm.

“Jamie…”

He kissed me, a slow, gentle kiss. “You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever known, Sean.

I just can’t believe… This feels so incredible…”

“I know.” I pressed my forehead against his. “I know.”

His face centimeters from mine, Jamie began to move inside me. As the pain of small

movements lessened, he thrust deeper and harder, all the time looking directly into my eyes.

“Oh God, oh hell, oh fuck!” My moans grew louder, and I buried my face in the crook of

his neck, hoping to stop the embarrassing sounds. Soon, though, the effort required to hold the

words in was too much. Letting my head fall back, I roared. “Jamie!”

“That’s it, baby.” Jamie pulled away, slamming back into me. “Let me hear you.”

Another thrust sent me arching up off the bed, and I cried out. Now that he’d found my

sweet spot, he pounded into me, keeping the angle that brushed across it again and again. I

couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. Every thought and sensation was centered around his cock

inside me.

“Fuck!” My hands clutched fistfuls of the sheets. “God, Jamie…just…like that.”

He grabbed my cock, stroking it in counter-rhythm to our lovemaking. “Sean.” He

struggled to talk through harsh breaths. “Look at me, Sean. I want to see those pretty blue eyes

when you come.”

I gasped at his words. My eyes snapped open, and I raised my head to meet his gaze. He

looked down at me, his bottom lip pinched between his teeth, and the dark, raw hunger I saw

made me shudder. Everything I’d ever wanted, everything I’d ever imagined was happening, and

I struggled to keep my eyes open for him. I didn’t know what he could possibly find there, but

like my body and my heart, I gave it to him.

We were crashing together now, and his hand was working me, bringing me to the edge.

My balls were tight against my body, and every muscle was taut and straining. I could see the

fall ahead, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

What We Deserve

Bucking up into his hand, I exploded, striping his hand and my chest with thick white

ribbons. With each spurt, I clenched around Jamie’s cock, and his rhythm faltered. He pressed

my knees farther into my chest and buried himself deeper inside me.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God…”

His entire body stiffened, his fingers dug into my hips, and he cried out as he came. I was

sure I felt each and every explosion inside me. He slowed his thrusts, easing in and out of me to

extend his orgasm. When he was finished, he slipped out of me and collapsed next to me on the

bed. Before he could even catch his breath, he turned to me and kissed me hard.

He brushed my sweaty bangs away from my eyes. “That’s better.”

I fluttered my eyelids. “Do you really think my eyes are pretty?”

“Did I say pretty? I meant beautiful. I’ve always thought so.” He continued to stroke my

forehead with his fingertips.

My body was limp, and no matter how hard I fought, my eyes kept closing. I vaguely

remember feeling the bed shift and a warm cloth running over my skin. When my eyes opened

again, Jamie was lying down beside me and taking me into his arms. I snuggled against him and

sighed.

Just as I drifted off, I thought I heard Jamie’s murmuring voice, his lips moving against my

forehead.

“Love you. Always.”

I wanted to say it back, but I was too tired to move. I decided it could wait until the

morning and finally gave in and slept, my head resting on Jamie’s chest.

* * *

The sounds and smells of breakfast cooking downstairs woke me. I raised my hands high

above my head and stretched, my body aching all over. When I realized I was particularly sore in

one spot, I sprang upright in bed.

I sat naked in the middle of crumpled sheets, one of which was draped across my hips.

There was no sign of Jamie, and I wasn’t sure when he’d left. I looked over at the bedside clock.

Ten in the morning. My parents were letting me sleep in.

Kerry Freeman

“Sean!” my mother yelled from the kitchen. “Come down and eat!”

I ran my hand through my hair before jumping up to find some jeans and a T-shirt. I

dressed quickly, barely getting my shirt pulled over my head before I walked into the kitchen.

My parents were sitting at the island, their stools close enough for Mom to lean her head on

Dad’s shoulder and read his newspaper.

“Hey there, sleepyhead.” Mom pointed at the plate across from her. “Glad you made it

before your food got cold. Your dad outdid himself today.”

Dad kissed Mom’s temple. “Thanks, babydoll.”

I shook my head in disapproval as I walked to the coffeemaker and grabbed a cup from the

counter. It was all an act, though. I knew I was lucky. Not only were my parents still together,

but they’d been crazy in love for as long as I could remember. I wanted to be that happy, to share

my life with someone who just got me and loved me. After last night, I wondered if it maybe

wasn’t completely crazy to want that with Jamie.

I sat down with my coffee, taking a small sip to wake up. “I can’t believe you two are

already up and making goo-goo eyes at each other. How late were you out anyway?”

Mom raised an eyebrow. “Wait, exactly who is the parent here?” She pointed at her chest.

“Me, that would be me. What time did you get home, mister?”

“Early enough to beat you two hoodlums.”

Dad laughed behind his paper, and Mom glared at him. This was their act. Mom pretended

to be terribly concerned, and Dad tried not to give her away. In reality, they both trusted me and

knew I’d never do anything to make them worry.

I cut off a piece of my omelet and popped it into my mouth. “Wow, Dad, she’s right. This

is really good.” I took another bite. “What is on the agenda today? I thought I’d give Jamie a

call.”

Dad dropped his paper, and he and Mom exchanged a truly worried look.

I took another sip of coffee. “What?”

Mom grabbed Dad’s hand and squeezed. “I thought he was going to talk to him last

night?”

What We Deserve

Dad shrugged, his shoulders sagging a little lower than they’d been a few minutes earlier.

“Sean, Jamie left for North Carolina this morning.”

My heart began to race. “Yeah? When’s he going to be back?”

With her free hand, Mom reached across the table and took mine. “He didn’t want to tell

everyone earlier, because he didn’t want us all to make a fuss. He left for basic training. He’s

going into the army.”

“Oh.” My skin turned cold, and I tried not to throw up. “He didn’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry, son.” Dad adjusted his glasses, obviously uncomfortable. “He told his parents

he would talk to you last night. I’m not sure why he didn’t.”

I knew why. He’d been too busy letting me think he really cared about me. What the hell

had he been thinking? That he’d leave his poor little gay friend a parting gift?

I squeezed my eyes shut. That wasn’t Jamie. He’d been a constant in my life since I was

six years old. He’d never been anything but kind and attentive…and loving. That was what he’d

been last night. Even if I hadn’t remembered the words he’d mumbled into my hair when he

thought I was asleep, I remembered how we’d felt. With every touch, he’d told me he loved me.

So why did he leave me?

Pulling my hand free, I stood up, almost knocking over my stool. “I need to take a

shower.”

“Why don’t you finish your breakfast first?” Mom asked as she tried to take my hand

again.

“I’m not hungry anymore. Sorry.”

I ran up to my room and stripped off my clothes. I could still smell him on my skin.

Showering, I scrubbed until I smelled shiny and new. Afterward, I ripped the sheets off the bed

and carried them to the hamper downstairs. Since it was a bright, clear summer day, I opened my

window to let my room air out. I just wanted to clean everything, as if last night had never

happened.

Kerry Freeman

Chapter Three

2010

It was impossible to concentrate when it was the first really nice day of spring, so I pushed

away from my latest app and stared out my office window at the Atlanta skyline. The best part of

my promotion to senior developer was the window. Now I would be able to see actual sunlight

and the change of seasons instead of calendar pictures on my cubicle wall.

The ring of my cell phone startled me. Then I remembered. It was noon on Wednesday. I

didn’t even check the caller ID.

“Yes, Mom, I will be there for dinner, and I will be on time.”

The speaker vibrated with her deep laugh. “And hello to you too. Since you’ve already

answered my first two questions, at least let me ask my last. You are bringing that adorable

boyfriend of yours, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Tyler could come without me and you wouldn’t even care, would you?”

“Of course I would, dear. Who would set the table?”

I couldn’t help my smile, made wider when I saw a picture of Tyler and me from last

Christmas materialize on my screen saver. I wasn’t sure I blamed my mother for loving Tyler

more. There was a lot about him to love.

“Yes, darling mother, I will bring your favorite boyfriend to dinner, just like I do every

week.”

A cash register beeped in the background. “Just making sure nothing’s changed. Your

father and I would be so disappointed.”

I was beginning to get truly and deeply offended. “Jeez, way to make your only child feel

loved.”

What We Deserve

“How much was that again?” In the pause, I’d begun to think she’d forgotten about me.

“Don’t be a goof. Of course we love you. It’s just we were beginning to think you’d never settle

down. You haven’t been this close to anyone since James left.”

Twelve years later and the mention of his name still made me wince. “Yeah, well, I was

just waiting for the right man.” Now it was the cliché making me wince.

“Then I’m glad he finally showed up. You’re not getting any younger, you know.”

“Mom!”

I was positive the evil witch cackled. “Don’t be late! Your dad has the wine covered.”

I was still shaking my head long after the line went dead. At least she wasn’t asking for

grandchildren again. I almost never got Tyler to go to dinner again after that.

Taking one more glance out my window, I rolled my chair forward and got back to coding.

The sooner I got this finished, the sooner I could see my mother’s favorite person.

And mine too.

* * *

I arched my back as I yawned. My Kindle slipped off my knees, and I barely caught it

before it hit the concrete at my feet. The evening breeze was nice and warm, and the sky was a

golden orange. I swung my legs up and across the wooden bench as I continued to read.

“What’s it today? Vampires or zombies?”

I let my head fall backward. Even upside down he was perfect. His hazel eyes were the

perfect mix of green and brown and set in a slightly round, boyish face. The five o’clock shadow

might have added a couple of years to his visible age, but he still didn’t look thirty-one. His full,

bow-shaped lips were smirking as usual, and he was wearing those little black-rimmed glasses

that drove me fucking insane. I wanted to grab a handful of his soft black hair and pull him down

for a kiss.

As if he could read my mind, he scanned the area for bystanders before bending down and

giving me a quick peck on the lips. He tasted like chocolate.

My head swam a little as I raised it. “Wow, a PDA. What did I do to deserve that?”

“You never deserve it.”

Kerry Freeman

“Thanks for stomping my warm fuzzy to death.”

“I do what I can.”

Tyler and I were always like this. We’d met my first day of work at my current job, and

we’d busted each other’s balls over everything. I’d never expected that, a few hours later, I’d

become more intimately acquainted with his balls, along with other body parts.

I swung my legs off the bench to give him a place to sit, which he took immediately.

“You’re late.”

He moved closer to my side. “Sorry, I had a junior guy run into my office at the last

minute. So, you gonna tell me what you’re reading?”

“It’s a gay romance your sister recommended to me.”

He chuckled. “Well, that’s more than a little inappropriate. Should I kick her ass or thank

her?”

When I turned to give him a come-hither look, I realized he was already there. I licked my

lips; I wanted to taste him again. “I’m thinking a thank-you is definitely in order.”

“Damn it, Sean,” he whispered. “You’ve got to stop looking at me like that. We don’t have

time for this. Remember? Dinner with your parents?”

“Yes. Dinner. Parents.” My eyes refused to leave his lips.

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Goofball.” He stood up and motioned for me to follow. “Let’s go.

Sooner we get through dinner, the sooner we can get back to your place and discuss that book.”

The drive from Atlanta to Athens was a little long for a weeknight, but it gave me the

chance to get behind the wheel for a change. I usually took public transit to work, and my little

Prius stayed parked in my spot at home. Driving in the city stressed me out, but once we got out

of the city limits, the traffic eased considerably.

Tyler and I spent the time talking about our respective jobs, new video games we were

going to play over the weekend, and since I was apparently a good boy today, what Tyler was

going to let me do to him once we got back to my apartment. By the time we reached my

parents’ house, I was an aroused mess, and Tyler took great pleasure in the fact that I had to

untuck my shirt to hide a hard-on that took forever to go away.

I glared at him as we stepped onto the porch. “Laugh now. Payback’s a bitch, sweetheart.”

What We Deserve

He only grinned wider. “I’m counting on it.”

Before my hand reached the doorknob, Mom jerked the door open and gave me a huge

hug. She acted as if, instead of having dinner together every other Wednesday, she hadn’t seen

me in years. Tyler got the same treatment. Dad’s greeting wasn’t any less enthusiastic. It was

impossible not to feel completely loved when you walked into their house.

The house was filled with the smell of homemade spaghetti sauce and baking bread, which

meant it was Mom’s turn to cook dinner. We’d arrived just in time to set the table as Mom

dropped the noodles into the boiling water and Dad opened a nice bottle of Chianti. Tyler and

Dad quickly jumped into their perpetual discussion of the Atlanta Braves. I just listened,

knowing in the fall the discussion would include football and the Falcons. I’d join in then.

Once the food was on the table, the two couples sat together, one facing the other. Even

after thirty-two years of marriage, my parents couldn’t stand to be on opposite ends of the table.

If there was room, they sat together on one side and exchanged the same looks, touches, and

kisses I’d witnessed my entire life. Watching them, I wished again that Tyler felt comfortable

enough to let go of his restraint and just do whatever he felt, even if that included kissing in front

of a roomful of people or simply holding my hand. It wasn’t as if he was in the closet, and he

was certainly affectionate enough in private.

I took a quick sip of wine, trying to keep my mind from going places my body didn’t need

to be right that second. “Mom, dinner is wonderful, as usual. The sauce tastes a little different,

though.”

“Thanks.” She twirled more noodles around her fork. “Anna passed on some tips she got

from James.”

I ground my teeth together. Any mention of his name immediately had me on edge, but I

worked hard to keep that fact from my parents. “That’s nice.”

“Did I tell you? James has moved back to Athens.”

My fork fell and clanged against my plate. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the

concern on Tyler’s face. He quickly brushed his hand over my knee, soothing me a little. Dad

shook his head at my mother. Ten dollars said he’d told her before we arrived not to talk about

what she was talking about.

Kerry Freeman

Mom continued to chew her noodles as if nothing had happened. I knew the subject wasn’t

closed, and, after taking a gulp of wine, she proved me right.

“He’s out of the army now, and he’s going to be an EMS paramedic. Anna and John are

thrilled to finally have him home again.” She at least had enough shame to look down at her

plate when she continued. “Anna says that James is really looking forward to seeing you.”

I threw my napkin down on the table. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Sarah…” Dad’s voice held a warning that, of course, my mother ignored.

“I know he left without giving you any explanation, but…”

I did not want to have this conversation. “It’s not just that, Mom.” I took a deep breath,

afraid if I didn’t, I’d reveal that, while he’d left without a word, he’d certainly made sure to take

my virginity with him. “Look, we were friends, but it was a long time ago. He’s had no interest

in contacting me for twelve years, and I really have no interest in seeing him now.”

After a minute or two of tense silence, Tyler cleared his throat. “So, Stephen, where did

you find the wine? It’s really delicious.”

Dad looked grateful for the subject change. “I was in Savannah a few weeks ago, and I

bought it at a little shop on River Street.”

As Dad continued to tell us about his trip to Savannah, I reached over and quickly ran my

fingers through the short hair at the nape of Tyler’s neck. Glancing my way, he blushed slightly.

I returned to my spaghetti and finished it, because, after all, it really was very good.

* * *

Finally back in my apartment, I threw my keys on the coffee table. I went straight for the

couch and flopped down. It wasn’t until Tyler sat next to me and put his arm around me that I

remembered he was there. I was a selfish bastard, so I snuggled into his side and let him stroke

my head.

He kissed my forehead. “Wanna talk yet?”

“Not really.” I was a whiny prick too. “Okay, maybe.”

“Then shoot.”

What We Deserve

I pulled away and sat facing him. “How dare he tell his mother to tell my mother or

whoever the fuck he told that he wanted to see me! The fucker’s had twelve fucking years to see

me. Fuck him!”

Tyler bit his lip, obviously trying not to laugh. “That’s a lot of swearing coming from you.

I think I like it.”

“Don’t laugh at me,” I said, pouting. “Even if I do sound completely ridiculous.”

Now feeling just as ridiculous as I sounded, I pulled Tyler into my arms. “Sorry.” I kissed

him, and this time he tasted like the strawberry shortcake we’d had for dessert. I made a mental

note to thank my mother.

“No problem. It isn’t the first time I’ve heard you rant about him.”

We sat on the couch in silence for several minutes. Tyler lifted my shirt and ran his hands

up and down my chest. It was a gentle touch, meant to be more soothing than arousing. I drew

comfort from the weight of his body against mine, and soon I was as relaxed as I’d been when he

kissed me on the bench.

“I’m ready to talk now. Talk, not scream.”

His hand stilled, only to resume moving in a side-to-side pattern over my stomach. “I must

admit I didn’t expect you to still have such a strong reaction. I mean, is this something I should

worry about?”

“To be honest, I didn’t expect to feel so strongly either.” I sighed, wishing we’d just

skipped dinner and gone to his apartment instead. “I finally thought I’d stop letting him mess

with my head.”

“He’s not.” Tyler tapped my temple with his finger. “You are. He stopped messing with

your head the day he left.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. What he’d said was harsh, but that didn’t make it untrue. I knew

Tyler wanted more than the casual arrangement we had. He wasn’t the first one who had; he was

just the first one willing to stick around as long as it took to get it. But my feelings for him had

been far from casual for a long time now, even if I was afraid to admit or name them.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with him, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He shifted and laid his head on my shoulder. “What happens when you see him?”

Kerry Freeman

“I’m not going to see him if I can help it. He can fuck off for all I care.”

“Again with the cursing.” He stood up just long enough to straddle my hips. “I think I’m

starting to quite like your dirty mouth.”

“You’re incorrigible, you know.”

“Yeah, like you aren’t. You love it, anyway.” He cupped my face in his hands, his long

fingers threaded into my hair. “You need to see him. You’ll never resolve all your pent-up—”

“Anger? Hurt feelings? Desire to cause bodily harm?”

He brushed his lips against mine. “Now you’re exaggerating. Forget whatever stupid

revenge fantasy you have and deal with this. It’s not impossible to be friends with an ex. You of

all people should know that.”

“Hey,” I said, pinching his ass. “You talk as if I’ve got a harem of exes.”

He smirked. “You do, don’t you?”

“Asshole.” I tipped my head up to plead for a kiss, and he gave me a quick peck. I traced

the outline of his jaw with my fingers, sighing when the stubble scratched my skin. “You know

you’re the only one, right?”

For a split second, Tyler’s eyes went wide. “I do now.”

I smiled when he nuzzled my palm until I cupped his cheek. “Come on. When would I

have time to hook up with anyone else? I spend all my time with you.”

“Damn straight. Too many men want in those pants of yours.” He ground his hips down

against me for emphasis. “I have to make sure your talents are only on display to me.”

“Wow, first a PDA and then a compliment on my sexual prowess. What did I do to deserve

all this?”

“Remember,” he whispered against my lips, “you don’t ever deserve it.”

I put on my best Wicked Witch of the West voice. “Oh, you’re in trouble now, my sweet.”

Grabbing a handful of his hair, I yanked his head back to display the pale column of his

neck. I latched my mouth over his Adam’s apple, and he moaned loudly. His hands dropped

from my face and began to pull at the sides of my untucked shirt. I released him long enough for

both of us to shed our shirts and press together again.

What We Deserve

The first touch of his skin was always the one that drove me the most wild. Soft and

smooth, his skin stretched over his lithe body, and my hands could not resist running up and

down his back. As my fingers moved over him, he writhed against me, his arms wrapped tightly

around me and clutching me as close to him as possible. I buried my face in the crook of his neck

and took a deep breath of his scent, which always reminded me of spice and green tea.

He nudged my head back and pressed his mouth to mine, nibbling and licking my bottom

lip. “Open up for me, Sean. Please.”

My lips parted, and his tongue instantly invaded me. Groans died in my throat as the kiss

intensified and deepened. I wound my arms around his waist. He dug his fingers into my hair.

We couldn’t get close enough, touch each other enough.

The first stroke of his cock against mine caused me to break the kiss and moan. He was

insistent, grinding himself against my lap again and again. I finally gave up and let my head fall

to the back of the couch. Back arched, he rode me, and I placed my hands on his hips to help him

along.

We were both panting. He was crashing into me. His hair blackened as sweat dripped

down and made it stick to his forehead. Still forcing him to ride me harder and faster, I watched

him, all wide-eyed and openmouthed. God, he was beautiful.

His fingers dug into my shoulders. “Not enough.” His voice was desperate. “It’s not

enough!”

I snaked my hand between us and undid the button of his pants. “Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” he hissed.

Unzipping his pants, I pulled his cock free and quickly did the same with my own. We

were both hard and hot, and my hand felt so good wrapped around us both. I stroked up once,

then waited to see the look of bliss I knew would cross Tyler’s face. He didn’t disappoint me.

I leaned forward and took him in a punishing kiss while my hand continued to stroke and

work over us both. Almost nothing felt better than our bare cocks sliding together. I wanted to

watch him fall apart, and I worked as fast as I could to make it happen.

Kerry Freeman

His eyes rolled back, and he came with a groan, exploding in my hand and covering me in

sticky streams. There was no stopping my following him, and he bit down on my shoulder as my

release coated us. I continued to slowly stroke us until we both began to soften in my hand.

Tyler collapsed against me. “Time for bed?”

I laughed, pushing him off my lap, and stood. I was a complete mess. “Maybe a shower

first?”

“If we take a shower, we won’t sleep for a while.”

“I know.”

Later that night, I lay in bed, my limbs tangled with Tyler’s. He was finally asleep, and I

watched as his eyes darted back and forth under his lids. I hoped his dreams were filled with

memories of our lovemaking and not the bullshit about a person firmly relegated to my past.

What We Deserve

Chapter Four

Scowling, Tyler tapped the face of his watch as I walked up to him. “You’re late.”

“And you’re cute when you’re angry.” I kissed him on the cheek.

Blushing wildly, he shoved me away and stomped off into the sandwich shop. I followed

and stood very near him as we waited in line. I blew warm air across his neck and laughed when

goose bumps rose on his skin. After the emo bitchiness of last night, I’d woken up in a

surprisingly good mood. The minute Tyler left me to go to work, I was anxious to see him again.

“What do you want?” He was scowling, but a smile was trying its best to break through.

“The usual?”

“Sounds good. Lunch is on me, okay?” I pulled my credit card out of my wallet and

handed it to the cashier.

Tyler rattled off our orders and took our cups to the fountain to get our drinks. I signed the

receipt and, order number in hand, found our favorite booth. I sat down, and Tyler sat across

from me. He pushed his sunglasses onto the top of his head and tossed his phone on the table.

“How’s work going today?”

He sighed. “About as well as can be expected, I guess. I mean, I know they’ve been

without a system architect for a while, but there’s really no excuse for the project to be the

disaster it is. How they’ve gotten by without the VP realizing they’re morons is beyond me.”

“Sorry.” I reached under the table and squeezed his knee. “I bet you’re missing having me

around right about now.”

He covered my hand with his, and his thumb stroked my wrist. “Working with you is like

Bill Gates and Paul Allen or Steve Jobs and Woz. Except we fuck.”

I choked on a mouthful of soda. “What?” My eyes were watering, and I rubbed them with

the back of my hand. “Since when do you say that word?”

Kerry Freeman

“You seemed to like saying it well enough last night. I thought I’d try it out on you.”

“You are an evil man.” I squeezed his knee again. “If I recall, you said us working together

and sleeping together was an exceedingly bad idea.”

“It was, and it is.” He smiled wickedly. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t a lot of fun.”

Even after his bad morning, Tyler was in a playful mood. I really liked his playful moods.

When we worked together, it meant a quickie in the server room. Now it meant that I might not

have to spend the night alone.

The tiny waitress who had a huge crush on Tyler brought us our sandwiches, and I teased

him about her until he turned bright red. To shut me up, he lobbed bits of potato chip at me.

Afterward he leaned across the table to pick a few out of my hair.

I tried to remember if being with Jamie had ever been this easy. We were kids the last time

we’d seen each other, and I doubted we had anything in common now. Tyler and I, on the other

hand, were well suited for each other. We did the same work, had the same hobbies, and liked

the same things. He ribbed me about the paranormal books I read, and I never let him forget how

much he liked to play Lego Star Wars. We were a perfect match.

I finished my sandwich and shook the last of the crumbs out of my hair. “Need a refill?” I

asked, shaking my cup.

“Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”

I picked up his cup, and as I stood, I spotted a familiar face sitting at a table between me

and the soda fountain. It wasn’t until I focused on her escort that I panicked.

“Oh fuck.” I quickly sat back in the booth and scooted up against the wall.

Tyler frowned. “So you give me grief, but you can say it whenever you want?”

“Quiet.” I leaned across the table and whispered. “Who would be the absolute last person

I’d want to see right now?”

His eyes went wide. “You cannot be serious.”

I laid my head on the table. “I wish I weren’t. He’s here with his mom.”

Tyler began to lean out of the booth. “I want to see him. Where is he?”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “No, he’ll see you.”

What We Deserve

“What are we? In high school? Tell me where the hell he is so I can look at him.”

I sighed. “Second table from the drink fountain. His mom’s wearing a red shirt, I think.”

Tyler leaned out of the booth again. He was still and silent for several seconds before

sitting up again. “Oh.”

I could see that Tyler’s playful mood had taken a nosedive. “Oh? That’s it?”

“Yep.”

I laid my head back down on the table. So much for not seeing Jamie. Why were they even

in Atlanta anyway?

I jumped up, determined to at least get out of the restaurant without having to talk to them.

“Let’s go.”

“Sean…”

I reached out and grabbed Tyler’s arm. “Don’t make me yank you up and carry you out of

here.”

He held his hands up in surrender, his cheeks burning again. It always turned him on when

I was dominant and demanding. The blush made me think our night wouldn’t be a total loss after

all.

There was no way to leave without passing their table. I pushed Tyler in front of me, gave

his ass a little smack, and told him to walk fast. I hoped the shield of his body and a little speed

might get us out of there unnoticed.

“Don’t stop, no matter what,” I whispered.

Face forward and back straight, Tyler headed down the aisle between the tables. I wasn’t

far behind. Just as we passed their table, I heard Dr. Matthews speak.

“Sean?”

I pulled up beside Tyler and urged him forward with a hand to the small of his back. He

stumbled slightly, but neither of us stopped. I cringed when I heard her voice again.

“James, was that Sean?”

Rushing outside, we walked a few yards down the sidewalk before stopping to lean back

against the outer wall of a nearby store.

Kerry Freeman

Tyler chuckled. “I think I just officially turned into a teenage girl.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I pulled away from the wall and turned to Tyler, wrapping

my arms around his waist. “You certainly don’t feel like a girl.”

“Yes, but I do feel like a complete idiot.”

Taking a chance, I kissed him. It was the only way I knew to apologize. He went stiff in

my arms, but I didn’t stop. He finally relaxed, moving his lips slowly with mine.

“Forgive me?” I ran the pad of my thumb over his reddened lips.

“I must, since I let you kiss me in front of God and everybody.” He gave me a shy smile.

“This wasn’t exactly how I planned to spend our lunch hour. Come over tonight and let me

make it up to you?”

“Only if you provide the food and the beer.”

“I think I can manage that.” I quickly kissed him once more. “It’s the least I can do after

using you as a human shield.”

Still entwined around each other, we agreed on a time for dinner and said our good-byes.

Tyler allowed me another quick kiss before pulling back and walking away, sparing me one brief

look over his shoulder.

I could see him standing there out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t sure how long Jamie

had watched us, but judging from the look on his face when I turned toward him, he’d seen

plenty.

Our standoff lasted long enough for me to really look at him. His skin was darkly tanned,

and his arms and chest were bulging with muscles I didn’t remember him having. While

obviously growing out from its army cut, his hair was still very short, and the dirty blond was

mixed with a little gray at his temples. As he stared back, he wrung his hands, passing his fingers

over the prominent veins. His bottom lip was clenched between his teeth.

The only thing that hadn’t changed were his eyes. Deepest brown. Expressive. Bottomless.

No matter how hard he fought to cover his emotions, they were obvious with one look into his

eyes. Even as he held his body confidently and almost confrontationally, he watched me with

eyes that were sad…pleading…desperate. Still, he didn’t move toward me. He just waited.

What We Deserve

I turned and walked away, leaving his wringing hands and puppy-dog eyes without a

glance back.

* * *

As I walked through my apartment door, my cell phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket,

hoping it wasn’t Tyler calling to cancel. I really needed to see him, and I needed to make sure he

wasn’t still stewing over seeing Jamie at lunch today.

Instead the caller ID displayed my mother’s number. I really wasn’t in the mood for

conversation, but I knew I couldn’t avoid her. She’d keep calling until I picked up.

I answered the phone and put it on speaker. “Hey, Mom.” I kicked off my shoes and

stretched out on the couch.

“Don’t hey me. Did I raise you to be rude to our best friends in the world?”

Oh shit. She’d talked to Dr. Matthews. “Mom—”

“Well, did I?” Her voice was high-pitched and grating, a sure sign she was pissed. “How

could you just walk off and not say hello to Anna and James? Especially after you haven’t see

James in years. Apparently I didn’t beat you enough as a child.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Is that all I get?” She paused, and I could hear her take a deep breath. “What’s going on,

Sean? It’s not like you to be so…disrespectful.”

After twelve years, I decided it was finally time to tell Mom the truth. At least all the truth

I was prepared to give her. She didn’t need to know all the intimate details, and I didn’t want to

relive them.

“If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone else? Especially the Matthews?” They’d

long since asked me to call them by their first names, but it just felt wrong.

“As long as you understand that kind of promise doesn’t cover your father.”

“Understood.” I chewed on my lip, reluctant to continue.

A series of cell towers couldn’t keep her from reading me like a book. “It’s okay, Sean.

Just tell me.”

Kerry Freeman

I sat up on the couch and leaned over, resting my head in my hands. “You remember the

summer before I started college, when I came out?”

“Of course I do. I was so proud of you for telling us.” And she had been. So had Dad. “Is it

James? Are you worried what he’ll think? I’m sure Anna’s told him, sweetheart.”

“No, Mom, that’s not it.” I shook my head as if she could see me. “When I talked to you

and Dad, I told you that some boy had broken my heart. Remember?”

“Yes.”

“It wasn’t some boy. It was Jamie.”

I’d always wanted to tell Mom about that last night with Jamie. I wanted her to know how

much his leaving really hurt me, how much I’d lost. I knew if anyone would understand, it would

be her. But I’d always been afraid, not of her reaction to me but of her losing respect for Jamie.

Even though he’d hurt me, I didn’t want my parents to think less of him.

“Oh, Sean.” The sound of her voice was like a verbal hug. If she’d been here, she’d have

held me. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Not tonight, if that’s okay. I will, later, I promise.”

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.” She sighed. “Does Tyler know?”

“Yeah, and he’s a bit worried. I wish I could tell him there’s no reason to be, but…” I

wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence when I wasn’t even sure how I felt.

“I understand. It’s not every day the first love comes waltzing back into town.” Her words

were clipped and bitter.

This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. “Mom, don’t let this affect your

relationship with the Matthews. Not with Jamie either. It was a long time ago. Let’s just let it go,

okay.”

“Have you just let it go?”

“Yes.” Worst liar in the world? That would be me.

“Okay.” She sounded as if she didn’t quite believe me. “You know, I’m sorry…for

whatever happened.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Mom.”

What We Deserve

“Well, I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me until now.”

“Mom, don’t say that. I just didn’t want it to make you and Dad avoid your friends. I never

once thought you wouldn’t understand.” Feeling more relaxed, I reclined on the couch. “And I

more than made up for it by whining about all my boyfriends since then.”

“That you did.” She chuckled, and I knew we were okay. “Can I ask one question?”

I waited a few seconds, hesitant to tell her any more than I already had. “Sure.”

“Did you love him?” she whispered.

Whatever I’d been expecting her to ask, that wasn’t it. Still, I shouldn’t have been

surprised by my mother’s bluntness. She didn’t mess around.

“Yes, Mom, I did.”

“I love you, Sean.” She sniffled.

I picked up the phone and took it off speaker. Even though there was no one else around, I

wanted to give her some privacy. “Love you too, Mom.”

We talked a little longer, just enough to cheer her up and say good-bye. As soon as I hung

up, a text message from Tyler popped up on the screen.

on my way. there better be food when I get there. oh, & clothes are optional, right?

I licked my lips and smiled. Playful Tyler was back.

Kerry Freeman

Chapter Five

“Okay, seriously,” I whined. “My arm is starting to hurt.”

Tyler sipped on a glass of pinot grigio and grinned. “Don’t be a wuss. Your dad will kick

your ass if you let that risotto stick.”

I loved Dad’s cooking, but I never liked being his slave labor. “What does he do when I’m

not around?”

My father’s deep laugh rang out behind me. “That’s easy. We don’t have risotto.” He took

the wooden spoon from my hand and nudged me out of his way. “For a young man, you’re

awfully lazy. I bet you always bottom.”

Tyler sprayed white wine all over himself. “I think I heard your mom calling me from the

dining room.” He marched out of the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of wine on his way out.

Dad laughed. “He’s way too easy.”

“That was mean. Hilarious, but mean.” I jumped onto the counter to sit next to the stove.

“And I’ll have you know that I am a very active top.”

“La la la la la!” Dad put his fingers in his ears.

“Well, you kinda asked for it, you know.” Seeing that the rice was low on liquid, I ladled

more chicken stock into the pan.

“Thanks.” He resumed stirring. “Your mom told me about the talk you two had.”

I didn’t have to ask. I knew which talk he meant. The fact that he’d waited two weeks to

bring it up told me he’d spent some time thinking about it.

I swung my legs, lightly kicking the cabinets. “Yeah. I kinda thought she might.”

“You know, I remember the morning he left. I think that was the moment I finally realized

what had been going on between you two.”

What We Deserve

“No, Dad.” I waited for him to make eye contact with me so he’d see I was telling the

truth. “You misunderstood. We never did anything until the night of his graduation. I promise.”

He looked at me, confused. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean that. Although that does put my mind at

ease, now that you mention it.” The spoon sliced through the bubbling rice, and Dad stared at it

intently. “As you and James got older, it was obvious things changed between you. At first I

thought it was hero worship on your part. But that night at dinner, you two could barely take

your eyes off each other.”

I closed my eyes and tried to keep the memories from flooding back. “I don’t know about

that.”

“Nope, it was clear to anyone that cared to see. He was crazy about you. And the next

morning… Well, I finally realized you were in love with him too.”

“Dad.”

He removed the risotto from the heat and tossed in two large handfuls of shredded cheese.

Stirring again, he looked at me. “I never thought he’d stay away. When I think about how he left

you behind, I just want to shake him like a rag doll.”

I leaped down off the counter and gave him a quick hug. “Thanks, Dad.”

He patted my hand, which was still on his shoulder. “Not sure what you’re thanking me

for, but you’re welcome.” He took a small bite of the rice and put the spoon back in the pan.

Suddenly he looked sheepish. “Please don’t tell your mother I did that.”

We talked as he spooned the risotto into a large bowl. We were both leaning over the open

oven to admire the roasted chicken when the doorbell rang.

Dad lifted the chicken from the oven and set it on a trivet. “UPS must be running late

tonight.”

There was mumbling in the foyer. As it grew louder and came closer, I could distinguish

my mother’s voice.

“You aren’t late. Stephen’s just finishing dinner now.”

My hands fisted at my sides as soon as Mom walked into the kitchen, Jamie trailing behind

her. In the far back, Tyler was gesturing wildly, mouthing, “What the fuck?” I was pretty sure

Dad muttered the same question under his breath.

Kerry Freeman

Before they made it across the room, Tyler swooped around them, throwing his arm

around my waist. With Tyler on my left and Dad on my right, we stood united in our displeasure

over our new guest. This, of course, didn’t faze my mother in the least.

“Stephen, look who I ran into at the grocery store today.” She patted Jamie’s arm. “Isn’t it

great he could join us for dinner?”

“Uh-huh.” Dad shook Jamie’s hand. He might be upset with Mom, or even Jamie himself,

but he wouldn’t be rude. “Hello, James. Good to see you.”

“Thank you, sir. It’s good to be home.” Jamie’s eyes darted between Tyler and me.

Mom turned to Tyler next. “And this is Sean’s boyfriend, Tyler.” There was an excessive

amount of stress on the word boyfriend. “Tyler, this is James, Anna and John’s son.”

Tyler, not looking particularly friendly, nodded. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Jamie seemed shocked for a second. He then set his eyes on me. “Hello, Sean.”

The rich timbre of his voice hadn’t lessened with age. If anything, it had deepened. I tried

not to remember what it felt like to hear that voice whisper in my ear, begging me to come.

Instead I threaded my fingers through Tyler’s at my hip.

“Hey, James.” Fuck it if I was going to call him by the name I’d given him when we were

kids. It had the effect I wanted, and he frowned.

“Well, that was awkward as hell.” Mom completely ignored the four men glaring at her.

“Let’s see if some food and some wine can’t lighten the mood.”

As they walked into the dining room, I looked at Dad in disbelief. He just shook his head

and picked up the bowl of risotto.

“Don’t ask me. I’m just as much in the dark as you are. Bring the chicken in when you’ve

had a chance to calm down.”

Left alone with Tyler, I buried my face in the crook of his neck. “She’s completely lost it

this time. You think it’s too soon to put her in a home?”

“Maybe not one for the criminally insane.” He kissed my cheek. “Just get the damn

chicken, and let’s get this over with.”

* * *

What We Deserve

Dad got tired of the small talk after his third glass of wine. “So, James, you’ve been gone

quite a while. Does the army not let its people have leave anymore?”

The change in tone caught Jamie off guard. “Um…yes, yes we were granted leave

sometimes.”

“Okay.” Dad popped a piece of chicken in his mouth and chewed. “So, did you forget how

to get to Athens?”

“Come on, Stephen.” Mom’s tone was teasing; her glare was not. “Quit giving the poor

boy a hard time.”

“He hasn’t been a boy for quite some time now. Have you, James?”

Jamie looked him straight in the eye. “No, sir, I haven’t.”

The uncomfortable conversation that we’d managed to sustain all night completely

stopped. Forks and knives scraping against porcelain and chewing were the only sounds in the

room. Every few minutes, Jamie would stare at me before turning his attention back to his food.

He wasn’t bashful about it. There was no hesitance in his gaze. He only looked away from me

out of necessity. Was this how he’d looked at me during that last meal together? Dad was right.

Anyone who cared to see could see that Jamie was there for me.

Mom and Dad were still having a silent argument full of glares and grimaces, until Dad

finally surrendered with a sigh.

“Well, James, what are your plans now that you are home?”

Jamie’s tense posture relaxed, and he sank back into his chair a bit. “As a combat medic, I

received quite a bit of training, so I’m qualified as an advanced life support paramedic. I went to

Atlanta to take the license test a few weeks ago, and I’ve gotten a job with the Athens EMS. I’ll

have to work nights for a while since I’m the new guy. That’s fine, though. Better me than a guy

with a wife or kids they’d never get to see.”

Dad nodded. “That’s true. What made you decide to leave the army?”

“After two tours in Afghanistan, it was just time.”

For a second, he was far away, but he came back to us just as quickly. I’d heard he was

there, and despite how he’d hurt me, I had worried about him. I couldn’t imagine—didn’t want

Kerry Freeman

to imagine—the things he must have seen. I realized that I probably didn’t know him now any

better than he knew me.

Mom reached over and patted Jamie’s hand. “I’m sure you’re glad to be back. I know

Anna and John are thrilled to have you home.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His eyes found mine again. “A lot of things have changed, but I’m hoping

to adjust to it all.”

I swallowed hard as the conversation around me continued. Finally gathering enough

courage to look at Tyler, I could see he hadn’t missed any of the evening’s subtext. I put my

hand on top of his on the table, and with a sad smile on his face, he held it.

I kissed his cheek and pressed my lips to his ear. “I’m going to talk to Mom, and then we

can get out of here. Okay?”

He nodded, and we returned to our meal, neither of us saying a word.

As soon as Mom began to clear the table, I grabbed my plate and Tyler’s and trailed behind

her into the kitchen. She dumped her armful of dishes onto the counter and spun around, her

hands on her hips.

“Spit it out.”

After a quick glance to make sure we were alone, I added my dishes to the pile and

mirrored her stance. “What the hell were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m usually pretty easygoing, but you have exactly ten seconds to

remember to whom you’re speaking and to adjust your attitude.”

It didn’t matter that I was thirty. My mother still knew how to instantly put me in my

place. Head bowed, I spoke again, this time in a respectful tone.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t understand why he’s here, Mom. Especially after what I told you.”

“I invited him here because of what you told me.”

Confused, I sighed and slumped against the kitchen island. “That makes no sense to me at

all. He’s the last person I wanted to see.”

She leaned next to me and took my hand. “At first I was angry at James, and your father

obviously still is. Then I thought about all the unresolved pain you have.” When I opened my

What We Deserve

mouth to deny it, she waved me off. “Don’t even bother. I could hear it in every word you said to

me, even over the phone.”

“Did you think that dinner was going to fix all that?”

“No, but we had to start somewhere.” She squeezed my hand. “I didn’t plan this. I truly did

run into him at the grocery store today. And when he asked about you… That pain… His eyes

were filled with it.”

“I think his intentions are less than pure, though.”

“That may be, but avoiding him isn’t going to fix anything either. Just look at where

twelve years of avoidance have gotten him.”

“Mom…”

“Look, Sean, I know that maybe he doesn’t deserve a chance to be your friend. But

sometimes we give people things not because they deserve them but because we love them or

because they meant something to us once…or just because we can.”

I wanted to argue. I wanted to be angry and spiteful. Most of all, I wanted to hate him. But

I didn’t, and I never had. I just wanted him to hurt as much as I had. If my mother was right,

though, he already did.

“I’ll think about it.” I kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Our heads turned toward the sound of a clearing throat. Tyler stood in the doorway,

waving at us.

“Is it safe to enter yet? The other cowards—I mean guys—ran off into the den.”

“Mom,” I whispered, “if it’s okay, I think we’ll call it a night. Will you tell Dad thanks for

dinner?”

“Sure thing.” She kissed me on the cheek before walking to Tyler and kissing his cheek as

well.

We walked to the car, and Tyler held my hand tightly. He only let it go long enough to let

me get in the car. He didn’t let me go until he drifted off to sleep somewhere around Monroe.

* * *

Kerry Freeman

I shifted in bed, drawing Tyler’s naked body closer to mine. When he’d taken me, he’d

been aggressive and relentless. I knew I’d be sore in the morning. I didn’t even want to think

about how I was going to cover the marks on my neck.

I ran my fingers through his hair, separating and straightening the damp locks. His face

was finally relaxed, and he looked peaceful. I traced the dark circles under his eyes with the tip

of my finger. Why hadn’t I noticed them sooner?

Mom had meant well; I understood that now. But she hadn’t given any thought to how all

this would make Tyler feel. Then again, maybe she had overestimated his stoicism.

Or underestimated his love.

When Tyler looked at me, so scared and withdrawn, I’d understood what he hadn’t yet told

me. I’d wanted to wrap him up in my arms and tell him that everything would be all right. That

I’d never hurt him. That I was finally ready to be the man he’d wanted me to be all this time.

He loved me. I loved him too. We might never say it, but we felt it. I wouldn’t give him

up, even for Jamie.

Tyler rubbed his cheek against my chest, and the scratch of his stubble felt so good. “Hey,”

he whispered in a sleepy voice. “Why you awake? Somethin’ wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Go back to sleep, okay?”

“’Kay.” He snuggled closer to me and was quickly asleep.

His breath blew across my skin, and I shivered. Watching him sleep, I thought again about

what my mother had asked me to do. I didn’t know if I could work things out with Jamie. Mom

was right, though. He’d meant everything to me once, and that had to count for something.

What We Deserve

Chapter Six

The phone rang while I was debugging the same piece of code for the fifth time. I yanked

the receiver to my ear. “Yeah?”

“Hey, Sean.”

As if my day weren’t shitty enough, I now had to talk to Jamie. Because of Dad’s rapid-

fire interrogation last night, I’d successfully avoided any real conversation with Jamie. I debated

hanging up on him but remembered Mom’s request that I at least try to smooth things over with

him. It wasn’t like I was getting anywhere with my code.

“Hi, James.” She didn’t say I had to make it easy for him.

“I got your number from your mother. I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure.” It wouldn’t have mattered anyway; she’d still have given it to him.

“I’m in Atlanta, and I would like to have lunch with you.” His voice was calm and smooth,

never betraying an ounce of nervousness. “Are you available? We could meet at the restaurant

where we saw each other a couple of weeks ago.”

I chuckled, knowing that was his way of calling me out on my rude behavior. “No, I don’t

have plans. I could use a break from what I’m working on anyway.” I rummaged around my

desk for my cell and wallet. “I can meet you there in thirty minutes.”

“Perfect. See you then.”

Before I left the office, I sent Tyler a quick text message.

Jamie called. Wants to meet for lunch. Bail me out if I have to bitch-slap him?

A few seconds later, my phone chirped.

bail you out? don’t you mean meet you at the hospital? :-P

My fingers flew and sent the next text before I took the time to think.

Kerry Freeman

I love you.

The phone chirped again.

WHAT?! wait! you can’t just tell me that in a txt msg!

Laughing, I put my phone on silent and left for lunch.

Forty-five minutes later, I was picking at a turkey on rye and waiting for Jamie to talk.

Instead, he asked me question after annoying question.

“How did I meet Tyler?” I took a sip of sweet tea. “I started work at my current company,

and he was the guy who made sure I could find my office.” I smiled, thinking about how I’d

wanted to find out who was behind those sexy glasses the minute I saw Tyler walk down the hall

toward me.

Jamie wasn’t eating either. “He cares a lot about you.”

“I care about him too.” I wasn’t going to share my latest revelation with him, no matter

how good a listener he still seemed to be.

The conversation died again. This was turning out to be one tremendous waste of time. If

he was only going to interrogate me and stare at me with those molten brown eyes, I was going

back to work. Still, I felt I owed it to my mother to try again.

“You went to Afghanistan?”

“Yes.”

“Were you ever stationed in other countries?”

“Yes.”

“Did you like that?”

“Sometimes.”

More silence.

I wanted to scream, but I managed to keep my voice calm. “Why did you ask me to lunch

if you weren’t going to say anything?”

“I needed to see you. I’ll talk if you want me to.”

“Okay,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “Why did you come back after all this

time?”

What We Deserve

He looked me straight in the eye. “I came for you.”

The matter-of-fact tone of his voice, sounding as if I should have known why he was here,

made me want to punch him in the middle of his calm, collected face. Did he really believe

because he was my first he had the right to come back after all these years and turn my life

upside down?

Since punching him might land me in jail and would most definitely disappoint my mother,

I decided to do the next best thing: bolt. I jumped to my feet, and my chair had barely stopped

scraping the tile floor before Jamie caught my wrist and refused to let go. His steely expression

was gone, replaced by genuine worry.

“Sean,” he whispered, “please. Don’t go.” His grip loosened, but he didn’t let me go. “I

know I’m a complete jackass, and I’m sorry. Just…don’t go.”

I pulled my arm again, and this time he released me. “What do you want?”

“I just want the chance to get to know you again.” He stood and moved toward me slowly.

“We were best friends once, and despite all I’ve done, I’d like to be that again. Can we just

talk?” When I rolled my eyes, he held up his hands and smiled. “Okay, let’s take a seat, and I’ll

talk.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Do I have a choice?”

“No matter how I may make it seem sometimes, you always have a choice.”

And there he was, the Jamie I remembered. The Jamie that respected me and made sure

that I had what I wanted and needed. I felt like a kid again, like he’d surround and protect and

love me no matter what. I felt the way I hoped Tyler felt about me.

“Fine. But not here. Let’s walk to the park. I could use the fresh air.” I ran my hand

through my hair, pushing my bangs off my face. “And the public setting should keep me from

knocking the shit out of you.”

Jamie’s face lit up. “You wanted to hit me?”

I gaped at him. “And this makes you happy?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Anger is better than indifference. Anger I can work with.”

* * *

Kerry Freeman

We made it to Centennial Park just in time to see the first towering jets of water at the

Fountain of Rings lunchtime display. Children were running into the spray from all directions as

their parents, holding towels and dry clothes, stood by watching. The toddlers were always the

most fun to watch. They were consistently amazed when the water shot up between their feet and

tried to follow it back down underground when the stream stopped.

Jamie sat next to me on the bench and watched the kids wistfully. “You know, near my

base in Afghanistan, there was this group of little kids that would play soccer in the fields. It’s

crazy. Here’s the world falling down around them, and they can play and laugh like someday

everything will be okay. The innocence of children can be astonishing sometimes.”

I wanted to reach out and take his hand, but I wasn’t sure that was still appropriate. He’d

obviously seen things that haunted him, and the strength it took to continue living his life after

that must have been overwhelming. Then again, he’d always been the strongest person I’d ever

known. I might not be able to hold his hand, but I could make him smile.

“Didn’t you show them how to play a real game? Like American football?”

He laughed. “Good God, please tell me you’re not still a Falcons fan.”

“Fuck off,” I said good-naturedly. “I forget you’re a baseball freak. You and Tyler should

talk sometime. He’s a die-hard Braves fan.”

“How can you not be a baseball fan? Even besides the fact that you should be into all those

geeky stats and complicated rules, there’s all those guys in those tight pants.” He practically

sighed.

Wide-eyed, I was speechless. Sure, he’d once had my dick in his mouth, but this was the

first time he’d said something so obviously gay to me. He must have realized then what he’d

said, because a pink blush rose up on his cheeks.

“A little soon for that, maybe,” he muttered under his breath.

“Tight pants, huh?” I was thrilled when his blush deepened to bloodred. “Maybe I should

rethink letting Tyler go to games without me.”

“What do you do while he’s watching the games?”

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“Mostly read. My e-reader is always with me, and I’ve loaded it down with sci-fi. And I

like to read a lot of the young-adult paranormal stuff. You know, witches, wolves, vampires, and

zombies.”

“Same old, same old, huh?” He turned on the bench, facing me. “So you’ve read Twilight,

right?”

I’d finally gotten the upper hand in this conversation, and there was no way I was

relinquishing it. “No.”

He could always tell when I was being less than truthful. “You have, you big fat liar. Did

you see the movies too?”

“No, I didn’t.” I hoped the heat on my face was from the sun. “I read about real vampires.”

Jamie leaned close and whispered in my ear. “You know vampires don’t really exist,

right?”

The heat of his breath against my earlobe made me shiver, and I mentally calculated the

distance between his lips and my skin. My body’s reaction to his nearness wasn’t unexpected,

but I wasn’t going to act on it. I wasn’t going to let him act on it either. He pulled away,

confusion mixed with a fiery lust in his eyes. He needed to know his boundaries.

I moved to the end of the bench. “I’m in love with Tyler.”

“I know.”

Of course he did. He always knew my secrets without my having to tell him.

“Then don’t push it.”

He rubbed his face with his hands before running them over his spiky hair. “I don’t… I

didn’t mean to.” He leaned back, tilting his face toward the sun. “Can I just tell you something?

Just get it out there so we can get past it?”

“Okay.” I wasn’t okay. Not even remotely.

He continued to address the blue sky. “That night? I didn’t go into it intending to do what I

did.” He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Remember the summer before I went to

college? You were fourteen, and your parents took you to Ireland for two months?”

Of course I remembered. My father had taken a mini sabbatical to work on a textbook on

Irish history. He’d planned everything around my summer vacation, and we’d gone as a family.

Kerry Freeman

Some of my best memories of our family were from that trip. I’d sent Jamie a postcard every two

days, and he was still receiving them for a couple of weeks after we returned.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“When you came back, you were different. You’d gotten so tall. You didn’t even have to

look up to make eye contact with me anymore. And you weren’t so skinny, and your hair had

turned to that deep color I like so much.” His head lolled toward me. “God, I wanted you. Sure,

I’d fooled around a little, kisses and handjobs here and there. But I’d never wanted a guy the way

I wanted you when you stepped off that fucking plane.”

He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. “Your age wasn’t the only reason I didn’t

touch you, but that was a huge part of it. I just knew that if we did anything, it wouldn’t just be

fucking. I couldn’t do that to my family. I lived to make my dad proud of me, and I didn’t think

the colonel could be proud of a gay son. So I decided to stuff that down deep and join the army.

To get as far away from temptation as I could.”

I stared at my feet, unable to decide among my conflicting reactions. Knowing how long

he’d wanted me made me happy…and sad. Hearing him confirm that I wasn’t the first man he’d

touched made me jealous. Being called a temptation he needed to avoid pissed me off.

“Look at me, Sean.”

His eyes were watery, but his gaze didn’t waver. “I swore to myself that I wouldn’t touch

you, that I wouldn’t show you how I feel. But, God, I was so fucking jealous when I saw you

talking to that guy at the party. I just wanted to have at least a little part of you for myself. It was

selfish, but I don’t regret it. I don’t regret making love to you and being your first. What I will

hate myself for until the day I die is leaving you behind and not having the courage to come

back.” He raised his hand to my cheek but drew back before touching me. “I love you, Sean. But

I know it’s too late. I promise I won’t do anything to hurt you or Tyler.”

My head was swimming. My chest hurt. I needed to get the fuck out of there. Slowly rising

to my feet, I slid my shaking hands into my pockets. “I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Okay.” He stood without coming closer. “Thank you for talking to me.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I simply nodded and walked away. I made it a few yards

before Jamie called my name.

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“Sean! I told them.”

I turned and called back. “Told who what?”

“My parents. I told them I’m gay.”

Smiling, he turned and left.

* * *

“I don’t really want to hear about your lunch.” Tyler’s jealousy oozed through the phone.

“What if I tell you he apologized to me?”

“Did he?”

I shrugged. “Okay, maybe that’s overstating it. But he did say he understood it was too late

for us.”

“Yeah.” Tyler was never good at nonchalance, and I imagined him squirming in his chair.

“What brought on that revelation?”

“I told him I’m in love with you.”

“Yeah?” This time his voice was breathy. I was so getting laid tonight.

“Uh-huh. And I am, ya know.” All I could think about was whispering the words directly

into his ear. “Think it would be okay if I came over tonight and told you in person?”

He cleared his throat. “That sounds like a plan.”

“Someone walked into your office just now, didn’t they?”

“Yep.”

I stifled a cackle. “How ’bout I say it while you bury your hard, thick cock deep in my

tight ass?”

Choking. He was definitely choking. “I hate you. You better not be late.”

The call ended with a click.

Spinning slowly in my chair, I wondered why I’d waited so long to give in to this. It had

been years after Jamie left before another man could touch me without my body remembering

Jamie’s hands. Once Tyler and I had been together, though, I could only think of him, even if it

took a little while to stop pretending I wanted something else.

Kerry Freeman

Bracing my feet on my desk, I stopped my chair. The message light on my phone was

blinking, and I picked up the phone fully expecting a lecture from Tyler. I was surprised to hear

Jamie’s voice.

“I just wanted to thank you again for lunch and for listening to me without punching my

teeth in.” His laugh was slightly awkward. “I really would like to be friends. I know that sounds

cliché, but we were best friends once.” He paused and laughed, and this time it was more

relaxed. “By the way, I’m Team Jacob. I hope that isn’t a deal breaker.”

I laughed at the poor, deluded man—after all, anyone with any sense was Team Edward—

and pressed the button to save his message.

What We Deserve

Chapter Seven

No matter how long I lived in Atlanta, I would never call it home. Home was Athens, and

my favorite place on earth was downtown. I loved walking down the sidewalks past the shops

and restaurants catering to the permanent residents and the itinerant students. Growing up here,

I’d spent lots of time with either my parents or Jamie exploring the shops and bookstores. When

I started college, I’d moved on campus and turned into the typical student who spent each

weekend trolling the bars. As I passed each establishment now, I remembered the various young

men I’d been with in those places, as well as the fevered dashes back to the dorm to get our

hands and mouths on each other.

“You know, it kills me when you get that look on your face. Is there a place in this town

you don’t associate with a guy?” Tyler was looking at me, half-annoyed and half-teasing.

We’d found a shade tree and were sitting under it. For mid-June, it was pretty damn hot. I

brought Tyler here every year for the musical festival, but this year we were more laid-back, less

anxious to move from stage to stage and see all the bands we could. Instead we’d rambled

around until we ended up under this tree, my head in Tyler’s lap.

In the weeks since our declarations, Tyler had become a bit more affectionate in public.

His hand brushed mine more often. He hugged me, regardless of whether someone might see us.

I’d even gotten a quick kiss at the station one morning before we took different trains to work.

Still, lying here, his fingers running through my hair, was completely unexpected…and

incredibly arousing.

He tugged my hair. “So, who was it?”

“Who was who?”

“Who did you defile in that bar you’re staring at?”

Kerry Freeman

“Defile is such a strong word.” I winced when he pulled my hair again. “Blow…blow

would be a better description.”

Tyler laughed, and the deep sound went straight to my groin. “Dear God, you were such a

slut when you were in college.” He leaned down and swiped a wet trail along the shell of my ear

with his tongue. “But you’re my slut now.”

I rolled over until I could look up into his eyes, dark and dilated. “Unless you’re planning

on using that tongue somewhere else in the next few minutes, you need to keep it in your damn

mouth.”

“Fine.” He leaned back against the tree and began stroking my head. “So who did you get

on your knees for in that dirty little bar?”

I closed my eyes and concentrated on his fingertips against my scalp. Deciding it would be

unmanly to purr, I hummed instead. “Mark.”

“Ah, the first boyfriend. Lucky for me, he’s a complete tool.”

“He’s not a tool.” I paused, unable to talk while Tyler massaged my earlobe between his

thumb and forefinger. “He and his partner are really nice, and they like you well enough.”

Tyler huffed. “Come on, the guy cried like a baby when we watched Titanic. Who does

that?”

I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm. “Quit being such a hard-ass.”

He leaned down, his lips millimeters from mine. “Oh, I don’t think it’s my ass that’s hard.”

“Look, asshole, either fuck me or quit teasing me.”

Our eyes locked, and I was lost in a deep, dark sea of lust.

He pinched my bottom lip and pulled until I opened my mouth. “Tonight, I promise.”

There was no time to agree. His lips covered my open mouth. Just as the tip of his tongue

slid past my teeth, the sound of kids laughing caused him to pull away.

The bubble burst, I scrambled to my feet and pulled Tyler up with me. We hadn’t eaten

since leaving Atlanta, and Tyler’s stomach was gurgling. My favorite café was right around the

corner.

What We Deserve

As we walked, we passed the kids’ activities and a medical station. An ambulance was

parked at the curb, its rear doors open wide so the kids could see inside. It wasn’t until we were

almost there that I saw Jamie lifting a little boy onto the rear bumper.

Unlike the day at the fountain, Jamie had a broad grin on his face as he watched the

children play. He patiently answered questions and explained more than once that he couldn’t

turn on the sirens. No matter how many times his sleeve was yanked, he good-naturedly turned

to the offending child and asked how he could help them.

He looked good. Really good. The shades of blue uniform showed off his arms, which

were more muscular than I remembered, and his ass, which was more plush than I recalled. He

was still letting his hair grow out, and it was starting to brush the tips of his ears. And his eyes…

I blushed and meekly waved when he caught me staring.

Tyler smirked. “Busted.”

Unable to find a hole into which I could crawl and die, I stood frozen next to my boyfriend

as my ex-whatever waved back, then walked over. Tyler was flat-out laughing now, and Jamie

looked a bit confused.

“Hey guys!” Jamie called. “How’s it goin’?”

“We’re good,” Tyler replied, resting his hand on the small of my back. “Thinking about

having some lunch. You?”

“I’m waiting for the next guy to relieve me.”

Tyler looked at me with an arched eyebrow. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to tease me further

or if he was being genuinely friendly. Figuring I was screwed either way, I nodded.

“Wanna go to lunch with us? We’re going to Sean’s favorite place just down the street. It’s

probably associated with some college one-night stand or other, but the food isn’t bad.”

That answered my question about his intentions.

Jamie laughed. “Sure, sounds good. If you want to go ahead, I can meet you there as soon

as I’m free.”

The fifty-yard walk to the café was like a death march. Being caught by my boyfriend

ogling another man wasn’t usually a capital offense, but Jamie wasn’t just any man. And I wasn’t

just ogling. I was reminiscing.

Kerry Freeman

Tyler requested a sidewalk table, and we sat there in silence. He was watching the people

pass by. I watched him.

He turned to me, a slight smile on his face. “What?”

“I’m sorry for checking him out.”

“Who? James?” His face and voice were calm, but his fingers picked at his napkin. “It’s

okay.”

“Why did you invite him to have lunch with us?”

“James seems like a nice guy. He’s your friend, and he’s probably not got a lot of friends

left in town.” He shredded the paper ring that had held his silverware. “And he’s apparently not

bad to look at.” His cheeks flushed, and he watched his hands as if the ragged paper was the

most interesting thing in the world.

I arched a brow but let the last comment slide. “So it’s not about making me

uncomfortable?”

Tyler looked at me, smiling wide enough to bare his teeth. “Let’s say it’s not only about

making you uncomfortable.”

Twenty minutes of people watching and nervous small talk later, I saw Jamie walk across

the street. I waved at him, and he hopped over the small railing separating the pedestrians and the

customers to join us. His short-sleeved blue uniform shirt was unbuttoned, and before he sat

down, he removed it to reveal a tight navy blue T-shirt underneath.

He crossed his muscular arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair to look at Tyler.

“So am I here so you can torture me or punish Sean?” His lips curled slightly upward.

Tyler smirked. “A little of both.”

“Well,” Jamie said as he picked up his menu, “as long as I get to eat first. I’m starving.”

Jamie’s quick surrender eased all the tension I felt. If I’d been undecided before, I was now

sure that Jamie and I could again be friends. He even seemed more than willing to get along with

Tyler. It didn’t make me forget our past, but it certainly was the start of getting over it.

I hated it when Mom was right.

By the time our lunch arrived, we were well past the awkward stage. Just as I suspected,

Tyler and Jamie got on well. They dissected the last Braves game, only pausing when I asked

What We Deserve

which guy had the best ass. I rolled my eyes as they gave the question considerable, serious

thought.

It was nice to be open around Jamie. I’d spent so much of my adolescence pretending not

to be gay and not in love with him. I’d spent so much time hiding, I wasn’t sure he’d ever really

known me. Sitting here talking and laughing like old times, I realized I’d worried too much.

Jamie was still a little nervous, having only been out of the closet a few months, but Tyler

put him at ease. He never brought up Jamie’s past with me, but he slowly led Jamie to talk about

life since he’d left.

Tyler took a long drink of his sweet tea. “It must have been lonely, going through life

under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. I mean, I’m not the first guy in the Pride parade, but that’s not

because I’m ashamed of being gay. I’m just a reserved person by nature. It pisses me off to no

end that the military forces people to deny who they are.”

I grabbed Tyler’s hand under the table. “Yeah, I remember the fight we had the first time I

tried to hold his hand in public. He made me call his mama in Kentucky to prove he wasn’t in the

closet.”

“Shut up.” Tyler laughed. “Mama loves you.”

I bumped his shoulder with mine. “Yeah, well it’s only fair, since my mother likes you

more than me. At least I’ll still keep my dad if we break up.”

“That will never happen.” Jamie’s head popped up, and he seemed just as shocked as we

were by his words. “I mean, you guys are perfect for each other.”

“We had to go through a lot of losers first.” Tyler squeezed my hand. “Some of us more

than others. Did you date much while you were on active duty?”

“A little, but it was hard to do,” Jamie whispered. “You couldn’t call what I had

relationships. They were more like understandings. I never had anyone want to take me home to

meet their parents.”

Tyler leaned over the table and waited for Jamie to make eye contact. “Their loss.”

Jamie’s cheeks turned the palest pink, and he smiled, a genuine smile like he’d given me

earlier.

Kerry Freeman

I thought about my mother’s standard new boyfriend interrogation. “Sometimes meeting

the parents isn’t as great as it sounds.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tyler nod in

agreement. He obviously remembered. “What did your parents say when you told them?”

Jamie shrugged. “Mom cried. I expected that, though. But after spending my whole life

afraid of disappointing my dad, he just said that he knew. He wasn’t sad or angry. He was

relieved.” He shook his head. “My dad, retired army, Appalachian born and bred, said he was

glad he didn’t have to worry about me being alone anymore.”

He rubbed his wet eyes with the heels of his hands and took a deep breath. “I’m thirty-four,

and I’m just now figuring my shit out. I’ve already missed all my prime twink years.”

Tyler and I both exploded in laughter. When we’d finally stop, one of us would sputter,

and it would start all over again. My stomach began to ache, and tears ran down Tyler’s face.

“Stop. Laughing. People are starting to stare.” Jamie was not amused. “What the fuck is so

funny anyway?”

“You,” Tyler replied, pointing. “Completely ignoring the fact that twink sounds hilarious

coming out of your mouth, you are not now nor have you ever been a twink.”

“Really. And who is, then?”

I found Tyler’s long finger and Jamie’s disbelieving gaze both pointing in my direction. I’d

learned from experience that when Tyler started talking about my twinkiness, it always led to

trouble.

Tyler reached across the table and punched Jamie’s shoulder. “No, seriously, he was a hot,

young boy toy in college, weren’t you, babe? And even now, he turns into a completely different

geek when you get a few drinks in him. Come to Atlanta tonight, and we’ll go out so you can see

for yourself.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. That’s a long drive for James…”

I knew calling him by his given name had been a mistake the second I saw his jaw tense. “I

have the day off tomorrow, so driving wouldn’t be a problem. I say let’s go.”

Tyler clapped his hands. “Great. You can meet us at Sean’s, and we’ll have dinner first.

You can even crash on the couch for a while before you have to drive home.”

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I knew there was no changing their minds, so I borrowed the waitress’s pen and scrawled

the directions to my apartment on the back of a to-go menu. Tyler and Jamie exchanged friendly

good-byes while I stood by shell-shocked. Jamie was down the street before I could manage

talking.

“What the hell just happened?”

“I think we just made plans to take James to his first gay club.” Tyler rubbed his hands

together. “This is going to be fun. Maybe he’ll even find himself a trick and not need your couch

at all.”

I didn’t know which was worse: that it might happen or that I was pissed off just thinking

about it.

Kerry Freeman

Chapter Eight

“Guys, are you sure this is a good idea?”

Jamie watched the steady stream of men entering the bar. He hung back, hesitant, but his

eyes betrayed him. He wanted to go inside. He just needed a little encouragement.

Tyler and I stood side by side, arms around each other’s waists, several steps ahead. I held

my hand out to Jamie, much the same way he’d done for me a million times when we were kids.

“Come on, it’s okay. We won’t run off and leave you. I promise.”

Jamie threaded his fingers through mine, and his touch carried an unexpected shock that

made me shiver. I looked at Tyler sheepishly, but he just squeezed me tighter. At the same time,

Jamie squeezed my hand. I smiled, trying to give Jamie some of the reassurance Tyler had just

given me.

Jamie took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

The club was packed with every size, shape, and flavor of man imaginable. My chest

vibrated as the music echoed inside me. I stood at our table, anxious to wade through the dancing

crowd. We hadn’t been here in months, and I’d forgotten how much the atmosphere affected me.

Tyler was right. A few shots and I’d be on the dance floor, grinding my ass all over his junk and

begging him to put his hands down my pants. Even the earlier blowjob he’d given me wasn’t

going to be enough to keep me dignified.

When Tyler returned from the bar, it was obvious he wasn’t interested in keeping me that

way either. He handed Jamie a beer and gave me two shots of tequila.

I held one shot up in the air and examined it. “Hmm, the good stuff. You’re not even going

to pretend you want me sober, are you?”

Tyler leered at me as he took a sip from his own beer. “Nope.”

What We Deserve

I tossed the first shot down my throat, relishing the burn as it spread down into my

stomach and through my body. I only waited a few seconds before downing the other shot and

slamming the glass on the table. I sidled up to Tyler, who fed me sips of his beer between kisses.

It would only be a few minutes now.

Jamie watched, amused. “Well, looks like I might get a show out of my night at least.”

“Oh, it gets better.” Tyler raised the beer to my lips again. “Doesn’t it, baby?”

His pet names always turned me on, and him using one in front of Jamie sent shockwaves

of desire through my body. I didn’t care that he was doing it to lay claim on me. I was seconds

away from letting him do anything he wanted, audience or not.

Dinner had been different. I’d expected it to be at least a little weird, but instead it

was…nice. The three of us had almost immediately fallen into an easy companionship. Tyler

never seemed uncomfortable, and Jamie never seemed like a third wheel. Sometimes they’d

gotten lost in conversation, and I sat back and watched them. A stranger would have thought the

two were old friends. And every so often, one would make the other blush or stammer. I should

have been jealous, but how could I be when they paid me just as much attention?

As I drank, Tyler and Jamie continued to talk. About the club. About men. About baseball.

I didn’t care. I was just waiting to reach an adequate buzz level. When I did, I grabbed Tyler’s

hand and pulled him off his stool.

“Shut up and dance with me.”

Barely a foot from the edge of the dance floor, I stopped him. As we began to sway, I

untucked his shirt and slid my hands under the waistband of his jeans. My fingertips grazed the

top of the curve of his ass, and I crushed his hips against mine.

I loved that we were the same height. There was no need to bend my knees to line us up

perfectly. He was getting hard against me before I even started to grind.

Tyler wrapped his arms around my waist and looked over my shoulder. “He’s watching,

you know.”

I licked a trail up his neck and laughed when he shivered. “I thought that was the point.”

“Am I that transparent?”

“Crystal.” We found a rhythm we liked and held each other closer. “Do you want to stop?”

Kerry Freeman

He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

He spun me around and nestled his bulge against my ass. Jamie was staring right at us. His

cheeks were flushed, and he never looked away. His eyes carefully tracked each swing of my

hips.

I groaned when I felt Tyler’s hand rub over my clothed cock. “I think you’ve proven your

point already.”

“I know,” he said in my ear. “But it’s not even about that anymore.” He buried his face in

my hair. “I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me. Tell me to stop, and I will.”

I couldn’t understand what was happening. Things were getting out of control so quickly. I

just knew, standing there with Tyler’s hands and Jamie’s eyes moving over my body, I didn’t

care.

“You know what I want.”

The music continued, but the shaking of my body was no longer due to the pounding bass.

Tyler popped open the button of my jeans, giving his hand just enough room to slip inside. He

wrapped his long fingers around me and gave me a slow tug. His free arm came around my

chest, bracing me against his body.

Tyler’s hot breath was on my neck, and he pulled my cock with a slow, tight stroke. “Do

you know how much I want you to come, Sean?” He sucked my earlobe, biting it softly as he

released it. “If you did, would it be for him or for me?”

Losing myself in the slow torture from Tyler’s hand, I looked at Jamie. He was staring

straight at me, his eyes as dark and intense as the night he’d made love to me. I remembered the

words he’d said, the rough sound of his voice.

“Look at me, Sean. I want to see those pretty blue eyes when you come.”

And Tyler. His body was molded to mine as it had been almost every night since we met.

When we weren’t together, I ached for him. He’d never been just a fuck to me. But I loved him

too much to lie.

“Both. I’d come for you both.”

What We Deserve

Tyler’s hand moved from my cock to my chin, turning and tilting my head until he could

reach my mouth with his. It was a kiss he usually reserved for home, full of lust and hunger. It

was the kiss he gave me when he wanted me to take him.

Breathless, I pulled away. “You’ll pay for that, you big tease.”

“I’m counting on it.” He laughed. “I think we left James in an uncomfortable state.”

“You deal with him. I need a drink.”

The bar was crowded, and it was several minutes before I got the bartender’s attention. He

was a flirty skater boy, but he didn’t compare to the men I’d left across the room.

I wasn’t sure what had gotten into us. My twink college days aside, I was generally low-

key, and I was a million times more outgoing than Tyler. More than once, we’d gotten lost in a

dancing crowd and jerked each other off. But the secrecy was part of the game. Never before had

we touched each other hoping someone else would watch and be as hard as we were.

When I returned to our table, Jamie and Tyler were making their way onto the dance floor.

It wasn’t exactly what I’d meant when I told Tyler to take care of things. Still, after seeing

Jamie’s reaction earlier, I was anxious to see where this dance would lead.

They stood a foot or so apart, but as the music played, they gravitated toward each other. I

held my breath waiting for their first touch, overwhelmed with relief when Jamie’s hand finally

rested on Tyler’s hip and drew him closer. Instead of jealousy, I felt desire, hot and blazing in

my chest. I pushed away whatever confusion I had in my mind and concentrated instead on every

point at which the bodies of my boyfriend and my best friend met.

Jamie’s hands moved to the small of Tyler’s back, pressing them together. He watched

Tyler intently, but Tyler’s head remained bowed. The palms of Tyler’s hands glided slowly over

the tense muscles of Jamie’s arms and joined together behind his neck.

Jamie was talking, but Tyler only shook his head in response. Jamie placed a single finger

under Tyler’s chin and tilted his head up and to the side. Beginning at the curved juncture of

shoulder and neck, Jamie pressed the tip of his nose against Tyler’s skin, nuzzling a line to his

ear.

I immediately recognized Tyler’s wide-eyed look of shock. I’d looked at Jamie the exact

same way the night he’d asked to kiss me. It was the way you looked when you got something

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you wanted only to find yourself terrified to have it. Tyler pushed Jamie away just as I stood to

go to him.

“Are you okay?” I pulled a stool out next to me, and Tyler dropped into it. “What did he

say to you?”

Tyler’s eyes followed Jamie as he walked past our table and to the bar. “Nothing. It’s

nothing. I just needed to get a drink. That’s all.”

After several minutes it was clear that whatever had been said would stay between them.

Tyler finally relaxed, while Jamie remained at the bar. I excused myself and went to the

bathroom. The line was long and slow-moving, and I hoped that, by the time I returned, the

tension between the guys would be gone.

When I walked out the bathroom door, I was yanked to the side and pinned against the

wall. I barely recognized Jamie’s face before his lips were on mine, his fingers buried in my hair.

I tried to pull away, but his grip on my hair tightened. His mouth opened, allowing his

tongue to dart out and tease me. The more I resisted, the less I wanted to.

Clenching his shirt in my fists, I kissed him back. Even after so much time, his taste hadn’t

changed. It filled my mouth and made my head spin. Our tongues slid together, neither having

forgotten how to find the secret spots that made us moan.

When Jamie’s hands framed my face, I knew the kiss was over. His face, twisted with

worry, was inches from mine. I could feel his heavy panting breath against my cheek.

“Just remember,” he said, his voice breaking, “I loved you first.”

His hands fell to his sides, and he walked away to rejoin Tyler at the table.

I slumped against the wall, my feelings tangled so badly I was sure I’d never straighten

them out. I wanted to chalk everything up to a full moon or out-of-control libidos, but in my

heart, I was afraid it wasn’t so simple.

* * *

As we walked back to the SUV, Tyler held me back, allowing Jamie to walk ahead.

“I saw you two kissing.”

What We Deserve

I stopped in my tracks and yanked his arm when he tried to keep walking. “I was going to

tell you. I just didn’t want to do it in there…while he was still around.”

Tyler walked up to me, stopping only when our chests met. “Tell me what he said to you,”

he whispered.

“No. Not until you tell me what he said to you on the dance floor.”

He brushed my bangs away from my eyes and began stroking my head. “He asked if we’d

let him watch just to hurt him. I couldn’t let him think that, but I couldn’t explain what happened

either. When he touched me, I knew he understood.”

Letting Tyler’s fingers soothe me, I closed my eyes. “He told me to remember he loved me

first.”

“Shit.”

“I know.”

“We’re probably making a huge mistake.”

“Are we?”

Tyler pulled his hand away, letting it brush my cheek. “I don’t know.”

When we reached the SUV, Jamie stood at the door, patiently waiting. Back straight and

staring ahead, he was at perfect soldier-boy attention. Dignified and beautiful. But his eyes were

empty, lifeless. Even though he was home, even though he was out of the closet, he was still

alone. The remaining resentment I had for what happened when we were kids faded away,

replaced by an overwhelming need to show him he wasn’t alone anymore.

Tyler’s hand gripped mine tightly. He’d seen it too. He felt the same way.

Tyler walked to the SUV and opened the back passenger door. Once he’d folded the seat

and pushed it out of his way, he took Jamie’s hand and led him into the third row seat next to

him. I followed and shut the door before sitting at Jamie’s right side. His eyes were filled with

apprehension, but as he looked back and forth between us, the look changed to something else:

hope.

I reached out first, pulling Jamie to me. His body stiffened until my lips met his. He gave

in to the kiss, opening his mouth for me. As my tongue explored him, I reached out for Tyler,

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needing some reassurance that he was still there. Fingers entwined with mine, and another

hand—Jamie’s—slid around my waist.

Jamie kissed along my jaw until he reached my ear. “Remember what I said,” he

whispered, his voice hoarse.

Holding me close with one arm, Jamie reached for Tyler with the other, burying his

outstretched fingers in Tyler’s dark hair and cupping the back of his head. Jamie softly kissed

Tyler once, then twice, pulling back each time to search Tyler’s face. The third time their lips

touched, they began to move together. I groaned as I watched Tyler part his lips and take Jamie’s

tongue into his mouth.

Had Tyler felt this way when he watched us? Had he felt the initial flames of jealousy turn

into desire? Did he and Jamie feel how absolutely right we were together? God, I hoped so. No

matter how selfish it was, I was quickly realizing I’d never be able to choose between them.

Fingers brushed over my lips. “Where did you go?” Tyler, a worried look on his face,

rested his forehead against mine.

“Nowhere, baby. I’m right here.”

Leaning over Jamie, Tyler and I kissed the way we had in the club. My dick hardened

further at the thought that I could taste Jamie on his tongue.

And then he was there, tilting our heads just enough to press his full lips to ours. It was

ridiculous and messy and sexy and a million things I’d never felt before. I wanted them, both of

them, any way they’d have me. Any way they’d let me have them.

Pushing Jamie back against the seat, I pulled away. Jamie wrapped his arms around Tyler,

and the two turned to me in a daze. Deep mocha and shining hazel eyes followed my every move

as I reached for the top button on Jamie’s jeans.

Jamie rubbed my shoulder as I made slow work of his button fly. “God, you’ve had me so

hard all night.”

He lifted his hips just enough to let me push his jeans and boxers down to his knees. His

cock was like steel, and the beautiful purple head glistened. Tyler, his head resting on Jamie’s

shoulder, licked his lips.

“Can I touch you?” Tyler’s voice shook.

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Jamie didn’t answer. He took Tyler’s hand and wrapped the fingers around his shaft,

groaning when Tyler began slowly stroking.

“Jesus…fuck…that feels good.”

Tyler smiled, increasing his speed and the twist of his wrist as his hand moved up and

down. Always an attentive lover, he intently watched every expression and listened to every

sound Jamie made. Jamie’s mouth was a soft red O, and his fingers dug into the leather seats.

The more he moaned, the wider Tyler smiled.

Tyler barely noticed when I undid his pants, shoving my hand inside to cup his heavy

balls. He felt so good in my hand, and I held my breath as my fingers inched up to encircle him.

His eyes went wide at the first long stroke.

My own cock was aching, and I released it from my jeans with my free hand. Jamie sat,

eyes closed and head hanging back, and I leaned down to whisper in his ear.

“I need you, Jamie. I need you to make me come.”

Lips quivering, he turned his head and kissed me as his hand wrapped around me. His

fingers were rough and callused, his stroke stronger than I remembered. Even at his slow,

deliberate pace, I wasn’t going to last.

The SUV was filled with our moans and our pleas to go faster or grip tighter. Tyler’s head

hung back and bobbled, gasps and cries falling from his lips. He was close. I pulled harder, and

his body went rigid, his hand on Jamie’s cock still.

“Oh God,” Jamie whispered.

I loved watching Tyler when he came. His thin body stretched as he arched his back, and

his mouth fell open in a loud cry. He exploded in my hand, and I stroked him faster until he

finished, just like he liked.

As Tyler came, Jamie began working my body feverishly. I released Tyler when he began

to go soft in my hand, and he pulled me between them on the bench seat. I soon had two hands

on me, stroking me in unison, two voices in my ears begging me to let go. When my head fell

back, Jamie grabbed my chin and shook it.

“Don’t you dare close your eyes, Sean. Look at us.”

Kerry Freeman

It was hard to focus, but when I did, I saw the two men I love, hands joined around my

cock, working together to bring me more pleasure than I’d ever known. I didn’t want it to end. I

didn’t want to know if this would be all we ever had together. But I could feel the tightening

start.

“Don’t fight it, baby,” Tyler whispered. “Let go.”

As if on command, I came hard over their hands, thrusting up into their tight grip until I

finished.

“Oh fuck!” Jamie yelled.

Barely able to move, I looked down to see Jamie’s free hand around his spasming cock, his

release mixing with mine. As he came down, Tyler grabbed him and gave him a searing kiss.

They collapsed at either side of me, and the three of us sat gasping for air in the stifling hot

SUV. Tyler rested his head on my shoulder and kissed my neck. Jamie turned and stretched his

arm around both our shoulders.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say my name again,” Jamie whispered.

“When you wouldn’t, it almost killed me.”

I kissed his temple. “I’m sorry. I’ll never call you anything else.” I felt him nod. “I want

Tyler to call you that too. Is that okay?”

“It’s the name you gave me. I think it’s your decision.”

I gently elbowed Tyler. “Say it, baby.”

Tyler leaned over me and gave Jamie a gentle kiss. “Hello, Jamie.”

We sat, exchanging brief touches and kisses, until the windows cleared.

What We Deserve

Chapter Nine

Trying to rest after the absolute worst week of my life, I ran my fingers through Tyler’s

hair. We’d been on the couch for hours, his head in my lap, barely speaking. Other than the hum

of the fridge in the kitchen, Tyler’s purring was the only sound in my apartment.

After the club, Jamie had decided to make the late drive back to Athens instead of crashing

on my couch. He’d kissed each of us, saying it had been an incredible night, and driven off,

leaving us standing on the curb and wondering what next. That was eight days ago.

Tyler had stopped asking if I’d heard from Jamie after day three. We’d stopped having sex

after day four. Much to the dismay of my mother, we’d skipped our regular dinner with my

parents. When she asked why, I lied…badly. It was all her fault, after all.

But on the eighth day, we were getting our groove back. Tyler had kissed me with reckless

abandon when I answered the door, and we’d ended up on the kitchen floor, our pants around our

knees, before the pizza man arrived. Now we were simply digesting our dinner and reenergizing

before we went to bed.

Tyler’s eyes were closed, and he turned his head, silently guiding my fingers to his temple.

When I began to massage there, he sighed.

“That feels so good. How will I ever repay you?”

I widened the circles my fingers drew against his skin. “I can think of a thing or twelve you

can do with your mouth.”

He gave me a wicked grin. “Only twelve? Not very demanding tonight, are you?”

“Oh, the night’s early. I figure I’ll let you rest before I really start pushing you around.”

He rubbed the back of his head against my crotch. “You can push me around now. Maybe

over the back of the couch for starters.”

“You are an evil man.”

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Another rub. “But you love me anyway.”

I cupped his check and leaned toward his mouth. “Yes, I do. Very much.”

Just as our lips touched, the doorbell rang.

“Jesus Christ!” Tyler yelled. “Who the hell is that? Don’t they realize someone’s trying to

get laid in here?”

Laughing, I pushed him off my lap. “Well, if they didn’t realize it before, they do now. As

do the rest of my neighbors.”

When I opened the door, a huge bouquet of roses was thrust into my face. I batted them

away to find Jamie standing in front of me. He bit his lip.

“Hi, Sean.”

Before I could respond, Tyler pushed me to the side. “What the fuck do you want?”

Tyler rarely used the f-word. He wasn’t just pissed. He was apoplectic. Not good. Not

good at all.

Jamie’s eyes blinked, but otherwise he was stoic. “I need to talk to Sean. And to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and took root in front of door. “Then

talk.”

“Come on, you’re not seriously going to make me stand out here.”

“Like hell I’m not!”

Jamie lowered the roses and held up another huge bouquet, this one sky blue irises. “These

seemed more your style.”

Tyler straightened his back in a show of resolve, but his slight grin gave him away. “Fine,”

he said, taking both bouquets from Jamie’s hands, “but don’t think we’re not still mad. We just

don’t want the cops called for a public disturbance.”

Jamie nodded and followed us into the apartment. “Thanks.”

Tyler and I sat next to each other on the couch. Jamie pulled the ottoman over and sat

facing us. Chewing his lip, he finally looked nervous. He cleared his throat several times before

finally speaking.

What We Deserve

“I’m sorry I haven’t called you—either of you—since the night at the club. I just wanted to

think about things.” He looked up at us, and his eyes darted back and forth. “About us.”

“You’re sorry?” Tyler rolled his eyes. “Seems you say that a lot. Or did you ever really tell

Sean you’re sorry about the last time you disappeared on him? Maybe you should start with

that.”

I took Tyler’s hand and, when he looked at me, shook my head. I didn’t want to discuss the

past anymore. I didn’t really want to discuss the present all that much either. I wanted to go back

in time fifteen minutes to Tyler’s head in my lap and a promise of a night together.

Jamie took a deep breath. “You’re right, Tyler.” He looked directly at me. “Sean, I’m sorry

for leaving you that night and not explaining where I was going. I’m sorry that it took twelve

years to apologize.” He locked eyes with Tyler. “And I’m sorry to both of you for not sitting here

and talking to you sooner.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

Jamie smiled, his head bowed. “Just so you know, I’ve barely slept since the last time I

saw you. You’re all I think about…both of you. I can’t close my eyes without imagining the two

of you…kissing me…touching me. Hell, I can’t get my mind off you even when my eyes are

open.”

Tyler smiled. “Yeah, well, we’re hard to forget.”

Jamie laughed. “Apparently.” He took my hand. “Sean, I love you. I have since we were

kids.” He then took Tyler’s hand. “Tyler, I have feelings for you that I can’t begin to understand

right now. But I do know that I want you both.”

My eyes went wide. I’d known that night that I would always want them both. Now that

Jamie was asking for the same thing, I was hesitant to hope that this could work, that we could

work. We all had so much to lose, and I wasn’t sure I’d survive if we decided to be together and

I lost either of them.

After a few minutes of silence, Tyler looked down at his feet. “Jamie, if you are doing this

just to be with Sean—”

Jamie squeezed Tyler’s hand. “Look at me.” When Tyler didn’t respond, Jamie squeezed

again. “Look at me, Tyler.”

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Tyler’s head rose slowly, and he looked wary. I moved closer, wrapping my arm around

his back. His body was tense, and my touch did nothing to relax him.

“Tyler,” Jamie whispered, “I don’t have the slightest fucking idea what I’m doing, but I do

know that I want you. Don’t you ever think otherwise. It’s not how I imagined it when I came

home, true. But I can’t imagine my life without both you and Sean. I need you to understand

that.”

Tyler nodded. “What do you want?”

“This is going to sound stupid and old-fashioned, but I want to date. I mean all three of us

going out, dating. And I think we need to hold off on sex until we’re all three comfortable with

where this is headed. As much as I want to fall right into bed with you both, I want more than

that.”

“More?” My voice squeaked, and I turned bright red.

“More.” Jamie brought our hands together and held both in his. “Everything. I want to

share everything with you both.”

I gaped at him. It was like he was proposing. I expected him to fall to one knee at any

second, rings in hand. I’d never expected him to offer us so much, to make himself so

vulnerable. I wasn’t sure he knew what he was asking. I definitely didn’t know where this would

lead.

“Yes.”

The whisper was so quiet it was hard to be sure Tyler had even said the word. He was

looking at his feet again, but I could see the pink stain of his cheeks. He had said it.

Jamie bent down to look into Tyler’s face. “Yes?”

“Yes,” Tyler repeated.

I pulled Tyler close and kissed his temple. “Are you sure? I love you. I’m not going

anywhere, no matter what you decide.”

Tyler finally looked up, a shy smile on his face. “I can’t forget about that night either. I

love you so much, and I know you love me. But I think Jamie’s right. There’s something here

that we can’t ignore. We’ve tried all week, and we’re all miserable.” He brushed his fingers over

What We Deserve

my lips. “I don’t think you love me any less because you love Jamie and miss him. I missed him

too.”

I captured his fingers, kissing them. “You are an amazing man, Tyler Welsh.” I turned and

pulled Jamie toward me. “So are you, Jamie Matthews.” I kissed Jamie softly. “I hope you both

know what you’re getting into.”

Tyler laughed. “Well, I think you and I are getting into Jamie’s pants.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ah, and the romance ends.”

Jamie kissed my hand and Tyler’s in turn. “I feel like one lucky son of a bitch right now.”

“Yeah, lucky Tyler didn’t drop-kick your ass at the front door.” I motioned Jamie over to

the couch, sinking against him when he sat between Tyler and me.

Tyler’s blush grew deeper. “Just let that serve as a warning. Don’t mess with me, or I’ll

take you out.”

Jamie stood and ran a hand through his spiky hair. “Well, now that we have all that settled,

I think I’ll get back to Athens.”

Tyler grabbed Jamie’s hand and pulled him back down on the couch. “You’re not going

anywhere. You’re spending the night here, just like I am.” He raised an eyebrow when Jamie

took a breath to speak. “And just so you know, I understood the whole no-sex thing, and you will

be perfectly safe sharing a bed with me and Sean.”

“Perfectly safe?” Jamie sounded a bit disappointed.

“Yes,” I said, nodding. “Perfectly.”

It was already late, so we decided to go to bed before any one or all of us changed our

minds. We all undressed, taking furtive glances at each other the entire time. By mutual

agreement, we left our briefs on. Some were more blessedly tight than others. Jamie stayed in his

tight T-shirt, complaining that I kept the apartment too cold.

I slid between the cool sheets, and Tyler pushed Jamie in after me. After looking down at

us and shaking his head, our third joined us. The queen-size bed was barely wide enough, but

somehow we managed. I snuggled into Jamie’s side and smiled when I felt Tyler’s arm snake

over Jamie and around my waist. Staring at the ceiling, I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one

who couldn’t sleep.

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“Guys?” Tyler whispered.

“Yeah,” we replied, almost in unison.

“I think we should define what exactly constitutes sex.”

The bed shook when Jamie chuckled. “I didn’t realize I was in bed with Bill Clinton.”

Tyler sat up. “Really, I think we should think about it. I know that a cock up the ass is sex,

but what about oral? And how ’bout dry humping? Is that sex?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I sat up too. “Exactly what is it you want, Tyler?”

He considered his answer for a few seconds. “I’d settle for a kiss and a handjob.”

Jamie pulled Tyler down and kissed him hard. “Then you better get those underwear off.”

By the time we finally fell asleep, we were all drenched and sated. The room fell silent,

and I listened to Jamie’s deep breathing and Tyler’s soft snoring. There were so many ways this

could go wrong, but I didn’t care. Tangled in the sheets and my lovers’ limbs, all I wanted was

the more Jamie promised. The more Tyler agreed to. The more that I could finally admit that I

wanted…more than anything.

What We Deserve

Chapter Ten

As the host escorted us to our table, I was sure he knew what perverted things his three

guests did when they were alone. When the waiter filled our water glasses, I imagined that he

tried to figure out whose tabs went into whose slots. By the time the sommelier came to the table,

I was a nervous wreck.

Jamie picked a very nice bottle of Australian Shiraz, and the sommelier complimented the

choice before going to retrieve the bottle. Once the dance of wine tasting was complete and we

had full glasses in hand, Jamie tilted his head and stared at me.

“Why are you so uncomfortable? I’m pretty sure that no one realizes what this is.”

Tyler took a slow gulp of wine. “He’s right. They probably think we’re a bunch of losers

who can’t find dates.”

“Speak for yourself.” Jamie smiled. “Relax, Sean. I’ve been dying to come to this place

ever since I got back, and I want you to have a good time.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little out of my element right now. I usually don’t date more

than one man at a time.”

“I understand.” Jamie tapped my foot with his. “But it’s okay. Even if they did all know

we’re together, I wouldn’t care. I just want to spend a nice evening with my two geeks.”

Tyler raised his glass. “A toast to two geeks and their toy soldier.”

I couldn’t keep the chuckle inside. They were nuts, and I was nuts for being with them. But

I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.

“What’s special about this restaurant?” I asked.

Jamie relaxed and swirled the wine in his glass. “I watch a lot of those cooking

competition shows, and my favorite contestant on one of them is the executive chef here. That’s

why we had to get early reservations. Since he’s been on TV, it’s harder to get in during prime

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dining hours.” He took a sip of wine, holding it in his mouth briefly before swallowing. “I’m a

bit of a foodie.”

“Seriously? That’s great,” Tyler exclaimed. “Sean and I are both useless in the kitchen. If

we can’t microwave it or order it, we’re not eating it.”

I wasn’t convinced. “Whatever. You couldn’t even grill cheese when we were kids, Jamie.

If I remember correctly, you had a little trouble constructing s’mores as well.”

“Funny.” Jamie stuck his tongue out at me. “I’ll have you know that I took several cooking

classes while I was in the army, and I can cook pretty well. I can’t wait to cook for you guys.”

The idea of cooking for us excited Jamie, as did explaining the different dishes he’d

ordered for us as they came to the table. He’d developed a passion for food, that much was

obvious. I couldn’t wait to taste his creations. Maybe he would even feed us by hand. I shook the

tempting thought away.

Tyler plucked the meat from a lobster tail. “So, Jamie, if you enjoy cooking so much, why

don’t you go to culinary school and cook full-time? It sounds like you’d like it.”

“No, it’s just a hobby. I love what I do. Even on days when we lose someone, I wouldn’t

do anything else.” Jamie went quiet for a second, his thoughts very far from Atlanta. “On the

other hand, I guess there’s a lot to be said for doing work where no one dies.”

Tyler took Jamie’s hand in his and squeezed. “Sorry, baby.”

Jamie smiled. “I like how that sounds.” Returning to his meal, Jamie looked at Tyler

thoughtfully. “Tell me more about yourself. I mean, I know you’re crazy about Sean and kiss

like you’ll eat my face off, but I don’t know much about your family or where you’re from.”

“Not much to tell. I grew up in Harlan, Kentucky, which is about as small as it sounds. Not

the best place to grow up gay, I suppose. But I have an awesome family. My mom and dad were

pretty shocked when I came out, but they adjusted. I lost my dad last year, so now I’m the man

of the family. Whatever the hell that means. I have two sisters, and they’re great. The youngest

might even send you a gay romance or two if you’re nice.”

I sighed. “Yeah, that last one she sent me was…um…inspiring. I wonder if she can’t find

me some threesome stories.”

What We Deserve

Tyler raised his eyebrow. “I don’t think we’ll mention that just yet. After all, this is only

our first date. I don’t think I told her about you until we’d been together a couple of months.”

“Yet?” Jamie stared at his plate. “Does that mean you will tell her eventually?”

Tyler shrugged. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I just thought that, since you two are in the public relationship, you’d want it to stay that

way. I wasn’t sure you’d want anyone to know…the rest.”

“I hadn’t really given it any thought, but I don’t keep things from my family.” Tyler

brushed his hand down Jamie’s arm. “If you’re going to be a part of my life, I want them to

know about it. Just not before we’ve decided exactly what being a part of each other’s lives

really means.”

“I haven’t even thought about what to tell my parents. Have you, Sean?”

I choked on the bite of food in my mouth. “Are you kidding me? When Mom encouraged

me to give you a chance to be friends, I don’t think this is quite what she had in mind.”

Tyler nodded. “Probably not.”

“And my dad still wants to kick your ass.”

“Shit,” Jamie whispered. “I forgot all about that. He looked like he could stab me

repeatedly with his butter knife all through dinner. I don’t know how I’m ever going to fix that.”

“I’ve got it.” Tyler waved his fork at Jamie. “You should cook for him. Isn’t the way to a

man’s heart through his stomach?”

Jamie winked at Tyler. “I thought it was through his cock.”

I pointed threateningly at both men. “If you don’t stop talking about my dad and cock in

the same conversation, I’m going to vomit.”

They both laughed, and I pouted until dessert came. The waiter set the caramel cake in the

center of the table and laid three forks next to it. When Tyler and I reached out to grab one,

Jamie snatched them away.

“Nope, I have plans for this cake, gentlemen, and they involve you two actually acting like

you’re on a date.”

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I wasn’t sure what he meant until he lifted a forkful of moist cake and sweet frosting to my

lips.

“Taste, Sean. You’ll love it, I promise.”

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth. When I felt the fork resting on my tongue, I

closed my lips tight around it. Jamie pulled it out slowly, and both my dates groaned. The cake

was delicious, and I licked my lips as I opened my eyes.

Jamie swallowed hard before offering Tyler a forkful. “Your turn.”

Watching Jamie feed Tyler was pure porn. Tyler’s lips wrapped around that fork didn’t

look much different than when they wrapped around and pleasured me. I could tell that Jamie

was imagining something very similar. His mouth was hanging open by the time Tyler

swallowed.

Jamie gasped. “Fuck.”

“You have to have some too,” I cooed, pinching off a piece with my fingers. “You can’t

believe how good it tastes.”

His eyes were wide, but he still opened his mouth, taking my cake-covered fingers inside.

His tongue circled slowly, licking around and between my fingers. He then sucked them clean.

“So good. But I want another taste.”

Tyler dug his finger into the dense cake, offering it to Jamie. Jamie closed his lips around

the sweet digit, moving his mouth up and down its length. When he released it, Tyler practically

growled.

I was hard as a rock, and I reached under the table to adjust myself. “If that wasn’t

considered sex, it should be.”

Jamie’s hand disappeared under the table as well. “If you two don’t get me back to the car

right now and let me taste that caramel on your tongues, I’m going to get us all banned from this

place for life.”

Tyler waved down the waiter, and minutes later, we were back in the third-row seat,

enjoying our second dessert.

* * *

What We Deserve

When we made it back to my apartment, we were having a difficult time sticking to the no-

sex rule. The make-out session in the restaurant parking lot had made the tension worse instead

of better, and I was about to lose my mind. Jamie and Tyler sneaking grabs of my crotch and my

ass didn’t help.

“Stop it!” I jumped from the couch to my feet. “I can’t take it. You both need to learn how

to keep your damn hands to yourself.”

Jamie looked suitably ashamed. “I’m sorry. I made the rule, and I shouldn’t be teasing

you.”

Tyler, on the other hand, was still trying to circumvent the rule. “Okay, we’ve established

handjobs are allowed in moderation. Why can’t we have an isolated blowjob? I mean, it’s just

semantics to say a handjob isn’t sex but a blowjob is.”

I threw my hands in the air. “I hate you both.”

Jamie glared at Tyler. “We promise to be good if you sit back down.”

“I don’t promise any such thing.” Tyler scooted to Jamie’s side, closing the space I’d left

behind on the couch. “I just want you both so much. I’m not sure how much longer I can go on

like this.”

“Just a little while longer,” Jamie whispered, kissing Tyler’s neck. “It’ll be worth it. I

promise.”

Humming softly, Tyler tilted his head back, baring more of his throat to Jamie. “It better

be.” Tyler patted his lap. “Come, sit. I won’t tease you.”

He looked about as trustworthy as a used-car salesman, but I didn’t want to be the only one

not in someone’s arms. “Let’s just go to bed. We can discuss the definition of sex again

tomorrow.”

In the bedroom, we undressed each other until we were in our standard pajamas of

underwear and, in Jamie’s case, a T-shirt. We lay together, the only light in the room from the

streetlamps outside. I loved to look at them like this, their bodies wrapped around each other and

around me.

I’m sure we made an odd…whatever we were. Threesome sounded very base, while triad

sounded very scientific. If we weren’t sure what to call ourselves, how would we ever explain to

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other people what we were? We couldn’t keep our relationship a secret forever. It was one thing

to be three out-of-the-closet gay men. It was an entirely other thing to be three out-of-the-closet

gay men who were together.

“You shouldn’t worry so much,” whispered Jamie as he looked at me over Tyler’s

shoulder.

“I never could keep anything a secret from you.”

He threw his arm over Tyler, who barely stirred in his sleep, and stroked my arm. “We’ll

figure it out.”

“I know.”

If I was sure of anything, it was that the three of us would manage, somehow. I just wasn’t

sure how those outside our little bubble would deal with something so foreign to most people.

That they loved us, I didn’t doubt. What I doubted was their ability to understand.

Jamie kissed Tyler’s shoulder and then leaned over to kiss my lips. “Try to get some sleep,

baby. There’s all kinds of time tomorrow to worry.”

I closed my eyes and finally drifted off to sleep.

What We Deserve

Chapter Eleven

I hated Jamie’s schedule almost as much as I hated The Rule. He worked four twelve-hour

days and was off four days. He usually crashed his first off day, leaving us the other days to

spend together.

The five-day gaps were killing Tyler and me. Even though Jamie said The Rule didn’t

apply to my time alone with Tyler, having sex with each other when Jamie couldn’t be with us

seemed wrong somehow.

At least we had chat.

Ty: yeah, I’m a cockslut from way back & sean’s jizz is like guzzling ambrosia I tell ya

I spit my soda all over my monitor.

SeanOTD: WTmotherF?!

J30601: So you ARE paying attention :)

SeanOTD: You both suck.

Ty: not lately we don’t

J30601: God not that again! You ever think about anything else?

Ty: no. my blue balls have all my attention

SeanOTD: So, just to confirm before you guys get me fired. Dinner @ Jamie’s tomorrow

@ 7?

Ty: yep, and i’m bringing the wine. white or red?

J30601: Red, lots of it

SeanOTD: And I’m bringing the surprise.

Ty: porn?

SeanOTD: Shut up.

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Ty: no porn? :(

J30601: Jeez Tyler. Get a grip.

SeanOTD: Later, guys.

Ty: yeah, later bitches

J30601: Can’t wait to kiss my geeks

Ty: sap

Ty: <—can’t wait either

I closed the chat window and spun in my chair. Just thinking about all three of us together

made my body hum. I leaned backward, arching my back and stretching, remembering how my

body arched off the bed the last time I shared it with my lovers. I also remembered how Tyler

screamed our names and how Jamie’s body shook after he came.

Work. I was supposed to be working.

I managed to bang out a few dozen lines of code before my phone rang.

“You are alive after all. Your mother and I were beginning to wonder.”

“Hey, Dad. Yeah, I’m still around. Just been really busy.”

Dad laughed. “Why do you even bother to lie? You’re so bad at it.”

I cringed before I remembered it could have been worse. My mother would have

threatened physical violence.

“But that’s not why I called. I wanted to tell you that I’ve been made chair of the history

department.”

“Congratulations, Dad!” I was very happy for him. He’d worked hard, and he deserved the

honor. “I bet Mom is thrilled too.”

“She is. People forget that she’s done so much to support me all these years.” He was quiet

for a second. “I’ve never forgotten.”

I could picture the puppy-dog, I’m-so-in-love-I-can’t-stand-it face he was making. Most

people would have been embarrassed by their parents’ perpetual honeymoon. I, on the other

hand, knew I was lucky to witness a love like that. I wondered if I’d still look at Tyler and Jamie

like that after thirty-two years.

What We Deserve

I rolled my eyes at myself.

“When’s the party?” I pulled up my calendar and got ready to type.

“How do you know there’s going to be a party?”

“You’ve known Mom longer than I have. You really shouldn’t have to ask that.”

“True, true.” Pages crinkled in the background. Dad was always so woefully behind the

times. “Yes, there it is. It’s going to be next month. The twentieth. Can you and Tyler make it?”

I frowned. It had been a while since I’d thought of us as just a couple. “Of course, Dad. We

wouldn’t miss it.” I entered the event on my calendar. “Um, will Jamie be there?”

“Well, it’s being hosted by his parents, so I suppose so. I thought you two were getting on

well now.”

Oh, we were. Very, very well. “We are,” I said a little too happily. “I just wanted to make

sure he was invited.”

“Of course. I guess I can’t stay mad at him if you’re not, can I? However, I will kick his

ass if he hurts you again. That is, if I get to him before your mother does.”

Hearing my father vow bodily harm to anyone who hurt me always made me smile.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“No thanks necessary. You’re my son, and I love you.”

After I hung up, I let my head fall back and sighed. I knew my father loved me, that he

respected the man I’d become. But that was before Jamie came home, before Tyler and I became

Tyler, Jamie, and I. What would my father think if he really knew what was in my heart?

And suddenly, it felt like I was in the closet all over again.

* * *

Jamie’s kitchen, like his entire apartment, was small, neat, and antiseptic. It didn’t look

lived in. It looked very much like I imagined most of his on-base housing had looked over the

years. Nothing warm and personal about it. Then again, I imagined this was a palace compared

to his quarters in Afghanistan.

The one thing that stood out, however, was the incredible smell of food cooking. A huge,

bubbling pot of spaghetti sauce simmered, and the apartment was filled with the scent of garlic,

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basil, and tomato. As he stood, large bamboo spoon in hand, stirring the sauce, Jamie smiled

broadly and rambled about all the different spices he’d used and how he’d pureed the tomatoes

with his new stainless steel food mill. His excitement at simply cooking us dinner made

him…cute…and I stopped him midsentence to kiss him.

He blushed. “What was that for?”

“For dinner.” I kissed him again. “And that’s just ’cause.”

Tyler set a glass of wine on the counter next to the stovetop and handed another to me. “I

hope this is okay. I didn’t know what you were making.”

Jamie took a small sip and hummed. “Yeah, that’s really nice. You’re in charge of wine

from now on.”

I scowled back at Tyler when he smirked at me. “Whatever, wine boy. I still liked my last

choice.”

“It was barely better than Mad Dog 20/20.” Tyler threw his arms around my waist and

pulled me closer. “But it did taste great on your lips.” He leaned forward and slowly licked my

mouth. “But this one tastes better.”

This was our way after five days apart. Gentle touches, slow kisses. As Tyler continued to

explore my mouth, Jamie moved behind me, kissing the back of my neck and running his hands

under the front of my shirt. When Jamie reached for Tyler and kissed him over my shoulder, I

sighed. I loved watching them together. I could see their feelings for each other deepen with

every touch.

With a quick peck for each of us, Jamie pulled away. “Time to finish dinner. Can y’all get

the salad out of the fridge while I drop the pasta?”

Over the past two months, we’d gone from awkward to easy. Being together no longer felt

strange, and no matter what other people would think, it wasn’t all about sex. Sure, I wanted

them both. My body ached with it, and no amount of heavy petting eased the desire. But I could

no longer separate my feelings for Tyler from my feelings for Jamie. My life was joined with

theirs now, and I would never be completely happy with only one or the other. We were not a

couple plus one.

What We Deserve

Sitting around Jamie’s small dining table, we passed the bowls of food back and forth. Our

plates were piled high, and we made appreciative noises as we ate. I carefully wound pasta

around my fork, while Tyler cut his into more manageable lengths. He still ended up with sauce

on his face, which Jamie teasingly licked off.

Jamie cleaned his plate and sat back, rubbing his flat stomach. “At the risk of sounding like

my grandmother, I just wanted to tell you how happy I am to have someone to cook for.”

“Well, you can cook for us anytime.” I wiped the last of the sauce off my plate with a scrap

of bread, which I popped into my mouth.

Tyler pushed away from the table. “Sean, why don’t I clear the table while you go get that

surprise ready?”

He dragged Jamie away while I went to work in the living room. Luckily his TV was fairly

new, and I was able to hook up everything quickly. I put the disc in and headed for the kitchen.

Standing in the doorway, I watched them. As Jamie handed Tyler each dish, his fingers

would brush Tyler’s. Each successive touch would linger longer, pass over more skin.

Tyler held his hands out for another dish. “Dinner was incredible. You weren’t kidding

when you said you could cook.”

“Thanks,” Jamie muttered as he blushed. “You picked the perfect wine.” He handed Tyler

the large pot he’d used for the sauce, and his hands held Tyler still. “I like having you as my

personal sommelier.”

Tyler gave Jamie a soft peck on the lips before bending down to find a place for the pot on

the bottom rack of the dishwasher. My eyes followed Jamie’s, resting on the perfect, full swell of

our lover’s ass. It wasn’t until Jamie chuckled that I realized I’d been caught.

I shrugged. “Not gonna apologize for enjoying the view.” I motioned Jamie toward me.

“Come on, your surprise is waiting.”

Tyler led Jamie, his eyes closed tight, into the living room and to the couch. After pushing

Jamie down to sit, we took our places on either side, and I handed him the controller.

He turned the plastic rectangle over in his hand. “We’re playing a video game?”

I handed Tyler a controller, then raised mine to start the game. “Not just any game. One I

picked out specifically for you.”

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Jamie’s eyes widened as the little anime girl on the screen danced around her pink kitchen.

“You bought me a girl’s game?”

“Told ya,” Tyler said, chuckling.

I opened the virtual cookbook and selected a recipe. “It’s not a girl’s game. It’s a cooking

game.” I rolled my eyes. “Just watch.”

Hamburgers were Jamie’s favorite food growing up, so the first dish was in his honor.

Having practiced a little at home, I still sucked. I could chop veggies with the best of them, but

my lettuce-handling and pan-frying skills left a lot to be desired. I was quickly getting tired of

the little girl telling me, in her stereotypically bad Asian accent, that my performance was less

than subpar.

Jamie shoved me with his shoulder. “Wow, you suck. Bad.”

“Oh, really?” I shoved back. “Well let’s see you do better, sweetheart.”

That was how a simple girl’s cooking game turned into a testosterone-fueled video game

duel to the death. Jamie cursed through his first three recipes but then began to get the hang of it.

Tyler, who’d talked smack through both our games, was somewhere between completely

hopeless and food for the worms. The worse we played, the cockier Jamie got. And we couldn’t

have that.

It started with a little tickle over his ribs. Then a kiss on the neck. When those stopped

being effective, we tried a tongue in his ear and a hand over his crotch. He was hard, so hard that

it had to be uncomfortable. When Tyler tried to relieve some of the pressure, Jamie finally

retaliated. He pushed Tyler off the couch and threw down the controller before turning his

attention to me.

I scrambled to my end of the couch, ready to climb over the arm, but Jamie caught my legs

and pulled me back. I tried not to smile, tried to pretend that I was at least a little scared of the

man hulking over me. But it was impossible when his eyes were dark and intense, glimmering

with evil intentions. I could feel the wet spot in my briefs spread as I imagined the punishment

my strong soldier boy could mete out.

“You don’t play fair, Sean.” Jamie’s voice was low and threatening. “Not fair at all.”

What We Deserve

I howled when his fingers began teasing over my ribs and up under my arms. He straddled

my legs, and I strained, trying to kick. When I tried to push him off, he captured my wrists,

holding both in one hand as he returned to finding every ticklish place on my body. I screamed

for Tyler to help, but no help came.

“What I find most interesting is how easy it is to incapacitate a grown man with a simple

touch.” The grin on Jamie’s face was deliciously evil. “You forget, I had years to learn all the

best ways to torture you.” His fingers passed over my ribs again, and my resulting squirm made

it clear just what kind of effect his torture was having on me. He froze, his eyes dark and dilated.

Oh fuck, I was in trouble now.

The grinding together of our bodies started slowly. The first pass of his cock over mine

made my eyes roll into the back of my head. I couldn’t have stopped the embarrassing moan that

left my lips if I’d wanted to.

“See,” he crooned. “I remember how much you like that.” He ground against me again,

laughing. “This would be a whole lot sexier if that damn cartoon would quit telling me to cook

faster.”

“I can take care of that,” Tyler said, his voice rough.

The room was suddenly silent. I was holding my breath, waiting to see how far this would

go, and I realized they both were too. I was tired of waiting.

“I’m sorry we were bad,” I whispered in Jamie’s ear. “Let us apologize properly.”

My wrists were freed, and the weight of Jamie’s body was gone. He stood up long enough

for me to follow. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I pushed gently until he was seated again. I

slid behind him, kissing the back of his neck. Tyler, still sitting on the floor, crawled over and

pushed Jamie’s legs apart. He sat up on his knees and leaned forward to take Jamie’s bottom lip

between his own.

When my fingers began playing with the hem of his shirt, Jamie stiffened. Tyler felt it too,

and pulled back. Jamie glanced back at me, his eyes almost begging me to stop. I brushed the

pad of my thumb over his lips.

“Please, baby,” I whispered. “We want to touch you. Please.”

Jamie’s head fell forward, and he nodded slowly.

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Pulling Jamie’s shirt over his head, I saw the outer edges of ink on his skin. The more his

back was uncovered, the more ink I could see. The tattoo covered his entire back, and I found

myself slowly tracing the dark lines with my fingertips.

In the center was a rifle, a helmet perched on top and boots at the barrel. Draped across the

rifle were three dog tags, each with the same date but different names. In large script across his

shoulders were the words Never Forgotten.

“Sean,” Tyler whispered.

Looking over Jamie’s shoulder, I was shocked to see Tyler’s fingers brushing along a

large, jagged scar running across Jamie’s stomach.

“It was a year ago. We were out to pick up a couple of guys in the field, and we hit an

IED.” Jamie reached behind himself to pull me closer. “Three of my guys were killed.”

I wrapped my arms around his chest. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Mom and Dad wanted to, but I asked them not to say anything.” He took a deep breath. “I

didn’t want to deal with a bunch of hometown-hero bullshit. I was doing my job. My friends

died. End of story.”

Letting his head fall back on my shoulder, Jamie closed his eyes. “All I could do while

they were working on me was lie there and wonder if I’d ever get to tell you I was sorry. I

remember looking up at the blue sky and thinking that I was a huge fucking coward and I’d

never get to see you again. I never stopped thinking about you, Sean, not once, while I was gone.

When I woke up in the base hospital, all I could think about was coming home to you.” He

gently kissed my cheek.

Jamie stroked Tyler’s head. “And just when I thought you’d never love me again and that

I’d never love anyone else, I found out I was wrong on both counts.”

Tyler’s head snapped up, his watery eyes meeting Jamie’s. “You don’t have to say that.”

Jamie smiled and pulled Tyler up to straddle his lap. He cradled Tyler’s face in his hands.

“Don’t you want me to say it?”

“Yes,” Tyler whispered. “If that’s how you feel.”

“I love you, Tyler. Don’t ever doubt it.”

What We Deserve

I watched the two men I loved come together, their lips sealing their hearts as much as

their bodies. Bearing witness to it made me love them both that much more. My arms still

wrapped around Jamie’s chest, I held him, pressing kisses against his neck. I was lapping the

salty sweat from his skin when fingers carded through my hair and tugged my head back.

His lips bruised and swollen, Tyler leaned over Jamie’s shoulder and brushed his lips

against mine. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you.” His kiss was gentle yet still set my nerves

on fire. “I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d said the words, but it felt different. Everything felt different.

Jamie’s body against mine. Tyler’s tongue in my mouth. The electricity coursing through my

body. It was all or nothing now, and I’d made my choice.

As Tyler’s mouth continued to move with mine, Jamie’s lips traveled along my jaw until

they reached my ear. Tyler swallowed my groan when Jamie began to whisper.

“I need you, Sean. Make love to me.”

Kerry Freeman

Chapter Twelve

I froze. I wanted this. I’d fantasized about nothing else for weeks. But I’d expected to be

carried off and violated in every way imaginable. I wasn’t supposed to be the top.

Jamie nibbled my earlobe. “I need you to take me. I’ve been waiting twelve years for it.”

How could I say no to that?

I nudged him forward to give myself just enough room to pull my T-shirt off over my

head. When I pressed my chest flush against his inked back, he shuddered. I buried my face in

his hair and whispered orders for him to help Tyler undress. Jamie slowly unbuttoned Tyler’s

shirt, kissing and licking skin as it was revealed, and let it fall to the floor. He shuddered again

when he pulled Tyler against him.

After a quick kiss, Tyler slid off Jamie’s lap. When Jamie began to protest, I shut him up

with my tongue. Jamie opened wide for me, and I eased out from behind him to better taste him.

His mouth was heaven, his full lips so soft. Our tongues tangled as the kiss became more intense.

His tongue made a trail over my chin and down my neck. He continued down until his

mouth latched around my nipple. I arched toward him, moaning when the tip of his tongue

flicked over my hard nub. His fingers pulled and pinched my other nipple, and after a few

seconds, his mouth sought it out as well. I grabbed his hair, wanting to keep his greedy mouth

where it was a little longer.

Until Tyler walked back into the room, I hadn’t known he’d left. He waved a box of

condoms and a sizable bottle of lube in the air.

“Found ’em.”

“Good boy,” I cooed. “Now take off those pants and get over here.”

As he stripped off his jeans and briefs, he watched Jamie sucking and licking with

abandon. His face began to flush, and it spread to his chest. His dick was hard and jutted out over

What We Deserve

his stomach. Almost mesmerized, he fell to his knees at Jamie’s feet. He licked his lips as he

reached out to unbuckle Jamie’s belt.

Jamie moaned against my chest, and I released him. Tyler loved to suck cock, loved to

make you feel like you’d never stop coming once you started. It was an incredible sight to

behold, one that Jamie needed to see, at least this first time. He watched wide-eyed as Tyler

pulled his pants down over his hips. When Jamie’s cock sprang free, Tyler smiled.

“You’re going commando.” Tyler lifted each of Jamie’s feet and finished stripping him.

“You are an evil, evil man. And I personally think evil men deserve their reward.” He looked at

me. “Don’t you, Sean?”

Oh, the evil one wasn’t Jamie. Tyler wanted him to die with anticipation, and it was

working. Jamie was panting, just waiting for the moment that his cock would be bathed in

Tyler’s warm, wet mouth. I knew exactly how he felt. Little did he know that, with Tyler, the

feeling never went away.

I nodded, and Tyler’s true performance began. He licked up the underside of Jamie’s cock

until he reached the head, where he darted his tongue into the slit. He then licked and nibbled

Jamie’s sac, taking each ball into his mouth and sucking just hard enough to make Jamie groan.

Jamie was squirming, his mouth hanging open, by the time Tyler’s lips finally wrapped around

his cock.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.” Jamie cupped the back of Tyler’s head with one hand and

reached out to me with the other. “Why the fuck did I wait so long for this?”

I laughed. “He tried to tell you how good he was. You didn’t listen.”

“I…oh fuck…thought he was…yeah, right like that…just being a smart-ass.”

I snuggled into Jamie’s side, his arm wrapped tight around my waist, and watched Tyler’s

head bob up and down the length in his mouth. Although my feelings no longer confused me,

they still surprised me. As I watched Tyler and Jamie, I wasn’t jealous. It turned me on to see

them giving so much pleasure to each other. The more Jamie groaned, the deeper Tyler took him,

and the harder my own cock got. Every so often, Jamie and I would kiss, or I’d stroke the back

of Tyler’s head. I didn’t feel like a spectator. I was just as much a part of this as they were. I felt

Jamie reaching the edge just as much as Tyler did.

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“Don’t hold back,” I whispered in Jamie’s ear. “Come. He wants it as much as you do.”

Jamie thrust up into Tyler’s mouth and arched his back. Tyler hollowed his cheeks, his

fingers digging into the hard flesh of Jamie’s thighs. When Jamie came, his shout shook the

entire room.

“Oh God!”

Tyler hummed, just as he did whenever he got what he wanted. He didn’t stop until he’d

swallowed every drop and licked Jamie clean.

“So good.” Tyler licked his lips and looked at me. “Wanna taste?”

I didn’t answer. I just dragged him up onto my lap and attacked his mouth, my tongue

seeking out the salty taste of our shared lover. Tyler hadn’t lied; it was good, better than I’d ever

imagined. When I felt Jamie lay his head on my shoulder, I pulled Tyler away by his sweaty hair

and directed him to kiss Jamie. I knew Jamie hadn’t tasted anything until he tasted his own cum

in Tyler’s mouth.

Jamie broke the kiss and struggled to catch his breath. “You two are going to be the death

of me.”

I kissed the corner of his mouth. “Don’t die on us. We’re not done with you yet.”

Jamie’s eyes widened at my words, so similar to those he’d said to me that night so many

years ago. Just as quickly, his expression changed again. He glanced bashfully over mine and

Tyler’s bodies, and he looked back at me through his thick lashes. For the first time—and God, I

hoped not the last—he was submitting to me.

Tyler kissed me, and I felt his lips curl into a smile against mine. “I think someone’s ready

for you, baby. Let’s get those pants off.”

Tyler slid off my lap, and I stretched my arms over my head, watching lazily as he

unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them and my briefs off. I sighed, and my cock, happy to be

freed, bounced against my stomach. When I reached down to stroke myself, Jamie stopped me.

He and Tyler lay, stomachs down, knees bent, and feet in the air, on either side of me on

the couch. Jamie started, licking his way up the underside of my cock, and Tyler pushed my legs

apart so he could massage my balls. I let my head fall onto the back of the couch and quietly

moaned. When my cock was finally enveloped, the sensation was different, but one I’d felt

What We Deserve

before, a long time ago. I knew it was Jamie sucking me and Tyler licking around my balls. They

swapped positions a few times, and Tyler took me deep into his throat. And when I felt both their

lips on my dick? Pure heaven.

My hands were kneading the beautiful, round globes of their asses, and I stopped long

enough to find the lube under Tyler’s stomach. He purred against my sac. He knew what was

coming.

I slid slick fingers between each man’s cheeks, searching for their sensitive, puckered

holes. I almost laughed when they both gasped, looking at each other over my cock and knowing

that the other was going to be breached as well. They kissed, moaning into each other’s mouths

as I entered each of them slowly with a lubed finger.

Tyler was snug as always, but Jamie was painfully tight. I inched inside him, stopping

when my finger filled him.

“Jamie, have you ever…?”

He nuzzled his face against my thigh, his scratchy stubble making my skin tingle. “Not in a

very long time.”

I took a deep breath and caught the loving gaze Tyler gave Jamie. He ran his fingers

through Jamie’s spiky hair.

“Don’t worry. Sean will take such good care of you.”

Jamie looked between us and smiled. “I know.”

Taking Jamie’s face between his hands, Tyler kissed him. I could feel Jamie relax around

my finger, and I began thrusting slowly. I waited for him to arch against my hand before sliding

a second finger inside. I renewed my attention to Tyler’s ass as well, and he wantonly begged for

more force, more fingers. It wasn’t long before I was fucking both my men with three fingers,

and they showed their appreciation by licking and sucking my cock between moans.

I was getting so close to losing it, so I reluctantly slid my fingers out. “Come on, Jamie.” I

patted my lap. “I want you here.”

Tyler pulled away, rummaging around the couch. After a few seconds, he held a single

condom up like it was the Holy Grail and ripped it open with his teeth. He handed the latex circle

to Jamie, who smoothed it down over me.

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Jamie’s eyes locked with mine as he straddled me. I quickly found his entrance and lined

myself up.

“Are you ready?” I wasn’t just asking Jamie. I looked to Tyler, who was kneeling on the

couch next to me.

Tyler kissed me, his tongue swiping my lips briefly. He then kissed Jamie the same way.

“Don’t worry about me,” he said, winking. “I’ve been waiting weeks to see this.”

He pushed mine and Jamie’s heads together until our lips met. As I searched for Jamie’s

tongue with mine, he lowered himself down on me. When the head of my cock finally entered

him completely, it felt as if I were caught in a delicious vise.

“Fuck, you are so tight.” I rested my hands on Jamie’s hips and resisted the urge to thrust

up. “So good and tight.”

Jamie’s back arched as he took me in farther. Tyler stroked himself with one hand and

brushed over Jamie’s chest with the other. Leaning forward, he murmured into Jamie’s ear, told

him how much we both loved him, needed him. Inch by inch, Jamie moved until he was sitting

flush in my lap, my cock buried deep inside him.

Leaning over me, his hands on my shoulders, Jamie began to ride me. At first his

movements were slow, the movements of my cock inside him soft and shallow. Tyler fell

backward, content with pleasuring himself as he watched, while I began to meet Jamie with

thrusts of my own.

Jamie grabbed my hair and pulled me until I wrapped my arms around his writhing body.

“Show me, Sean. Show me,” he begged.

“What, Jamie?” I whispered. “Tell me what you need.”

His back arched, and his head fell backward as he groaned. “Show me you want me.”

Holding him tight, I lifted and twisted until he lay on his back, my body thrusting between

his legs. I pounded into him, his ass gripping me tight. I was lost in the heat of his body, and I

jumped when I felt wet fingers parting my cheeks. A finger traveled to my hole, swirling around

and around before finally thrusting into me.

Tyler kissed my shoulder. “I’ve watched enough. I need to be inside you, baby.”

What We Deserve

Jamie’s hands were on my hips, urging me to stop but holding me against him when I did.

I laid my head on his shoulder and moaned when I felt Tyler push into me. Tyler knew my body

better than anyone, even Jamie, and he wasted no time with slow and steady. He thrust into me

hard and fast, and once his punishing rhythm was set, I began to do the same to Jamie. It took a

little practice, but soon I found that every time I left Jamie’s body, I was filled by Tyler.

I’d felt loved and wanted by both Jamie and Tyler separately, but it was nothing compared

to being loved and wanted by them together. The desire and need I felt for them in return was

overwhelming, and it consumed my body in the same way my love for them consumed me,

heart, mind, and soul. I didn’t care if no one else understood. I wasn’t even sure I cared if our

families never accepted us. All I cared about at that moment were the two men surrounding me.

As every muscle in my body screamed for release, I realized I would never care about anything

else this much.

Jamie’s hands cupped my face. “You know I want to see those eyes when you come.”

“Yeah, baby, come for us,” Tyler commanded.

I buried myself deep inside Jamie and came hard, my entire body spasming with each jerk

of my orgasm. I collapsed on top of Jamie, who stroked my back as Tyler continued to thrust into

me with all the strength he possessed.

“So so close. Needed you so bad.”

His rhythm faltered, and his fingers dug painfully into my hips. With one final thrust, he

screamed and exploded inside me.

The three of us lay in a spent, gasping pile. As my hands reached to caress and reassure my

lovers, their hands moved to caress and reassure me.

Tyler, never one to abide silence, broke ours. “So, I guess this means The Rule is no longer

in effect?”

“I guess not.” I looked down at Jamie, still pinned underneath me. “You cannot possibly be

comfortable like this.”

He laughed. “I’m not moving unless it means we go to bed. You two can’t just go home

and leave me in this state.”

Kerry Freeman

“Well,” Tyler said, sitting up and pulling me until I was nestled between his legs, “it just

so happens that your two geeks will both have blinding migraines tomorrow.”

Jamie brought his bent arm back behind his head. “So, I get you two to myself until I have

to go back to work on Sunday?”

He played coy, but his reviving cock gave him away.

“Yep,” I said with a wink. “We’re all yours.”

“All yours,” Tyler repeated. He waved the box of condoms. “But I think we’ll need more

of these.”

* * *

The room was dark, and the clock flashed the time. Four a.m. Finding myself alone in bed,

I stretched and flexed my sore limbs and muscles. The sheets were cool, and I wondered how

long it had been since I’d had company.

Voices and the scent of coffee filtered in from the kitchen. I pulled on someone’s

underwear and tiptoed down the hall. Jamie and Tyler, each with a cup in their hands, were

sitting on opposite sides of the dining table.

Jamie ran his hand over his hair and chuckled. “I’m not sure my hair is ever going to grow

out.”

“Give it time.” Tyler sipped his coffee. “I’m not sure I can imagine you with longer hair.”

“I’ve never had it too long, growing up with my dad and all. But I want to try. Maybe as

long as Sean’s.”

Tyler sighed. “Just thinking about his hair turns me into a girl. I just love how it never does

what he wants.”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, his voice breathy. “And that color just kills me.” He winked at Tyler.

“I’m pretty turned on by yours as well. The entire time you were going down on me, I just

wanted to grab a handful and…” He swallowed hard and shook his head.

“Do it next time. I love it when Sean pulls my hair.”

I smiled to myself and padded into the kitchen. “What the hell are you two doing up?

Other than declaring your undying love for my auburn locks.”

What We Deserve

“Watch it, or you’ll wake up bald.” Jamie pulled out a chair for me. “Want a cup?”

Yawning, I took my seat. “No thanks. I’m hoping we’ll end up back in bed sometime

soon.”

We sat around the table, no one speaking. Even after everything we’d said and done over

the last several hours, the silence was awkward. The guys weren’t looking at me or each other.

Tyler seemed to be searching for lost treasure in his cup of coffee, and Jamie traced the grain in

the wood of the table.

I wasn’t having that.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “What the fuck is going on?”

They exchanged glances before Jamie spoke up. “I was just wondering what we were

going to do when it’s just two of us.”

A knot formed in and sank to the bottom of my stomach. “What do you mean?”

Tyler shrugged. “Well, if you think about it, it’s unrealistic to think that the three of us will

always be together. Eventually, it will just be two of us. How do we handle that?”

Blinking, I stared down at the table. Last night, when I’d realized how my life was nothing

without both of them, I thought they felt the same. I wasn’t in this to resolve some adolescent

hurt feelings or to spice up my love life. When Jamie said we needed to figure out what we were

before we fucked, was this what he’d meant? Had he been worried one of us would get hurt

when it all fell apart? How would I make it if I was the one left behind?

“I see.” I pushed away from the table and stood slowly. “Just tell me one thing. Why the

fuck did we do this if neither of you thought we’d stay together?”

Ignoring both them and my twisting gut, I headed straight for the bedroom. I slammed the

door behind me and found our overnight bag. I yanked clothes out, throwing them all over the

room, until I finally found one of my T-shirts and a pair of jeans. The entire time I tried to ignore

Jamie and Tyler arguing down the hall.

“I told you it was too soon!” Jamie’s voice boomed through the apartment.

Tyler practically growled. “It might help if we maybe explained to him what the hell we

meant instead of standing in here screaming at each other, you goddamned drama queen!”

“What the fuck did you just call me?”

Kerry Freeman

I couldn’t find my shoes, and as I darted out of the bedroom to find them, I ran straight into

Jamie. Tyler wasn’t far behind.

I shoved Jamie aside. “Get out of my way.”

“Come on, baby,” he begged. “Just hold on a sec.”

I kept walking. “Look, I heard you, loud and clear. Just get out of my way so I can get out

of here.”

Tyler grabbed my arm and swung me around to face him. “You’re not going anywhere

until you hear us out.”

I tried to jerk my arm free, but Tyler held on tight, pulling me to him. He wrapped his arm

around my waist. I kept my back perfectly straight, denying my body the satisfaction of molding

to Tyler’s. Jamie stood behind Tyler, and reached out for me. Thinking better of it, he let his

hand fall to his side.

Tyler squeezed tighter. “Listen to me, Sean. I didn’t say what you think I did.”

“I heard you. You said that we won’t always be together.” I looked at Jamie. “It’s what

both of you said.”

“Yes,” Tyler said, nodding, “but I’m an idiot who doesn’t think before he speaks. You

should know this by now.”

“You said what I think you said. What exactly is there to misunderstand?”

Jamie held his hand out again, brushing my hair out of my eyes. “We both couldn’t sleep,

and we talked about how things were going to change for us now that we’d…made love.”

“That was our first mistake,” Tyler interjected. “Talking about this at all without you.”

“Fine, you were right, okay?” Jamie rolled his eyes. “Anyway, we talked about how you

two hadn’t had sex while we were all dating because you didn’t think it was fair to me.”

I still wasn’t following, and now my head was beginning to hurt. “What’s that got to do

with anything?”

“I didn’t ask you to do that, and I told Tyler that, in the future, I wouldn’t expect it.”

What We Deserve

Tyler nodded. “What I meant was that, since we wouldn’t always physically be together,

we should talk about the expectations of the two who would be together.” He kissed my

forehead. “Like in the fall, when I’ll be at that workshop in San Antonio for a week.”

“And the days I’m at work,” Jamie added.

“And if you go to Comic-Con next year,” Tyler whispered.

I suddenly felt very stupid. “I kinda hoped you guys would go with me.”

Tyler kissed my forehead. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jamie grinned, relief clear on his face. “Come back to bed, Sean, and we’ll talk, okay?”

I didn’t answer. I simply let them lead me back to the bedroom. They slowly undressed me

and removed their scant clothing before pulling me into bed to lie on my back between them.

Soothing me with kisses and light touches, they waited until I relaxed into them before talking

again.

Stroking my cheek, Tyler looked down at me. “What is it you’re scared of, Sean?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m scared I’m the only one that can’t walk away.” I gazed at Jamie.

“That maybe I’m the only one that doesn’t want to.”

“Oh, baby.” Tyler laid his head on my shoulder. “You’re not the only one. I love you and

Jamie so much it scares me. If either of you decided to end this…”

Jamie frowned. “I love you, Sean. And I love you, Tyler. I know you have every reason to

doubt me, but I swear I am not going anywhere, ever again.” He lay down next to me, resting his

head on my chest.

I was still confused. “Then what was that earlier?”

Tyler kissed my neck. “Whether we should feel free to make love to each other in

whatever combination we find ourselves in. But I think we just proved Jamie right: it’s too early

to have that conversation.”

“Maybe we should reinstitute The Rule,” Jamie whispered as his fingers drew circles and

figure eights on my stomach.

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“Oh, hell no!” Tyler yelled. “I’m tired of acting like we’re straight. Can we start being the

horny gay guys we are for once?”

“Fine,” I said, laughing, “but I don’t really think you ever stopped.”

Jamie blew hot air over the tip of my cock. “I’m all for that. Now, if you two are finished

talking, let me show you exactly how much I want you both.”

Hands, mouths, and tongues explored and connected, dissolving our laughter into moans

and cries. My body was stretched and filled; I was consumed and used. And through it all, I

could feel their devotion, soaking through my flesh and seeping into my bones. I screamed words

of love as I came, and they cried the same words to each other and to me as they followed.

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Chapter Thirteen

Tyler’s fingers turned white as they clenched the edge of the marble counter. “Damn, if I’d

known you’d like the kitchen this much, I’d have invited you here sooner.”

Jamie was on his knees, and his mouth was full of Tyler. Tyler had saved the kitchen for

last during the tour of his townhouse, and as soon as we rounded the kitchen island, Jamie hit the

floor to show his appreciation. I’d never seen anything quite like it, and I jumped to sit on the

counter to get a better view of the show.

Not only was The Rule not in effect anymore, it was shot all to hell and never coming

back. Over the last two weeks, we’d played sexual Twister repeatedly, finding that there wasn’t a

combination or position we couldn’t get behind. Or on top of. Or under. And sometimes, like

right now, I’d found I’d rather just sit and watch while I palmed my dick through my jeans.

I laughed when Jamie pried Tyler’s hands from the counter and placed them on the back of

his head. For all his protesting otherwise, Tyler was a bottom at heart. A bottom who’d pound

your ass and make you beg for more, true. But he was happiest when bringing his lovers pleasure

and offering his body to them. He always needed a gentle reminder that, when it came to oral,

Jamie wanted to be taken.

Clutching Jamie’s hair in his fists, Tyler began to thrust. “Goddamn, your mouth is so

good.”

Jamie hummed in acknowledgment. Seeing him on his knees, practically begging to have

his mouth fucked, one would never guess that he was, more often than not, the dominant one in

the bedroom. He had an uncanny ability to sense when we needed him to submit, but he thrived

on being the man on top.

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And I was the swing vote. In Jamie’s arms, I wanted to be filled. In Tyler’s, I wanted to be

enveloped. And when they wanted the opposite, I wanted to give it to them. And sometimes I

just liked being a spectator.

A hard, horny, masochistic spectator.

Jamie relaxed his throat, and with one deep thrust, Tyler came hard. I groaned and jumped

from the counter, trying to adjust myself in the process. Tyler was still trying to catch his breath

when Jamie walked over to me.

“You just watching again?”

I simply nodded, waiting for the offer I knew was coming.

Jamie licked his lips slowly. “Then at least kiss me.”

His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him. He was hard too, and, like

me, he’d wait until later for his release. I turned to jelly in his arms, letting him kiss me the way

he wanted. Today he wanted it slow and deep, and I could taste Tyler all over his tongue.

He released me with a peck on the chin and walked over to Tyler to tuck everything back

in. Without another word, he began working on dinner.

Tyler slumped against the counter. “What do you think he’d do to me for a new

KitchenAid mixer?”

“I’ve got no clue,” I said, kissing his neck, “but I’d be willing to chip in for the pasta

attachment just to find out.”

We quickly fell into our date-night roles. I was Jamie’s sous-chef, washing and chopping

on demand. It was totally worth it to watch him, his muscular arms gracefully moving back and

forth between stovetop and oven. He’d taken to wearing a wifebeater when he cooked, and the

way the ink on his back peeked out from under the fabric drove me wild.

Tyler’s job was wine selection and table setting. He always had three bottles at the ready:

one to drink as dinner cooked, one to drink during dinner, and one to drink while we were naked.

Tonight the wines were all white, and, as always, the chef got the first taste.

Jamie swirled the wine in his glass and took a small sip. “Oh, this is good. Shouldn’t this

be the dinner wine?”

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Tyler shook his head. “Nope, I have something even better for dinner.” He poured Jamie a

healthy glass before filling two more and handing one to me.

By the time dinner was served, we’d finished off the first bottle. I felt all warm inside and

tried not to giggle like a little girl when Tyler handed me a glass of dinner wine.

“Sorry,” I said. “I think Tyler’s trying to get us drunk.”

He looked at me across the table, his demeanor very serious, as he pushed food around his

plate. “What if I am?”

Jamie took another bite of chicken piccata. “Why would you bother? We’re easy enough

sober.”

But Tyler wasn’t joking. His cheeks were pink from the alcohol, but his eyes were very

dark and serious. Something was on his mind, something that he felt required liquid courage all

around. I reached across the table and took his hand.

“I need to talk to y’all.”

Jamie slowly laid his fork on his plate. His expression now mirrored Tyler’s. “Okay,

what’s up?”

“Things with us are great. I mean, you two know how I feel about you, right?” He began

wringing his hands.

Now I could see it. Every tell that Tyler had was showing, had been all night if I’d paid

attention. The hand wringing. The playing with his food. And if it hadn’t been for Jamie’s

impromptu blowjob after the tour, Tyler would have gone the entire evening without touching

either one of us.

God, I was such a fucking idiot.

I moved my chair until I was sitting next to Tyler, and I motioned Jamie to do the same. I

held my hand out and smiled when I felt Tyler’s fingers thread through mine. Jamie laid his palm

up on Tyler’s thigh, wrapping his fingers around Tyler’s hand when it rested against him.

Tyler sighed. “I’ve loved every minute of the last two months. But I need stability and

consistency. I can’t go on not knowing where we’ll be or what we’ll do. I mean, we’re still

hiding this from everyone.”

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Jamie opened his mouth to interrupt, but I shook my head to shush him. I knew Tyler. He

wouldn’t say anything if he didn’t know what he wanted. We needed to let him tell us what that

was.

“And I know I said that first night that we needed to wait and decide what we were. Well,

what are we? I know we’re not just fuck buddies. I know we love each other. So why are we still

apart so much?”

Tyler released us and shoved a hand in his jeans pocket. When he pulled it back out, he

placed one key in front of me and another in front of Jamie. I stared at mine in disbelief.

“I can’t stand to be here without you anymore. I want you both to move in.” He looked

back and forth between me and Jamie. “And I’m not talking about roommates with benefits. I’m

talking about the three of us in one bed, every night. You’re my partners, and I want us to act

like it.”

Jamie took a deep breath. “Fuck.” He picked up the key and juggled it through his fingers.

“I… Fuck it.” He turned to face us. “You’re right. It’s getting harder and harder to leave when I

know I won’t see you again for five days. It sounds stupid. Other people have it worse.” He

tightened his fingers around the key. “But I’ve spent enough time wishing I could be with who I

love.”

I wanted to just say yes, but we were committing to so much more than a shared bed.

“We’d have to tell our families. There’d be no way around it anymore.”

“Do you not want to tell them?” Tyler asked in a whisper.

“It’s not that.” I looked down at my bare feet, so comfortable next to Tyler’s. “I don’t want

you two to alienate your families for me.”

Suddenly I was yanked from my chair and wrapped in two very strong arms. “I will not

give you up again.” My chest vibrated with the deep notes of Jamie’s voice. “I will not give

Tyler up. I don’t give a holy fuck what my parents think.”

A second set of hands ran up and down my back. “Don’t be worried, baby.” Tyler kissed

the back of my neck, and I sighed when I felt his lips curl into a smile against my skin. “The only

thing that would ever alienate my mama and sisters would be if I broke up with you.”

I nuzzled Jamie’s chest and laughed. “They do love me more.”

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Jamie kissed my forehead. “Of course they do. Can we finish dinner now? I worked very

hard on it.”

I kissed Jamie and, pulling away, kissed Tyler. Moving my chair back to my side of the

table, I sat down and found the key next to my plate. I pushed it around a bit before snatching it

up and putting it in my pocket.

When I looked up, both Jamie and Tyler were smiling like loons.

* * *

In the bed that would now be ours, we made love without words. They knew how much I

needed them, and they took care of me. I reveled in being filled by them in every way. I never

felt as whole as I did with my men inside me. When we were all sated, we lay entwined and

dazed.

“We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?” Tyler asked in a whisper against my shoulder.

Jamie looked up at the ceiling while he played with my hair. “Oh yeah. I’ll move as soon

as I find a job in Atlanta. In my line of work, you can almost always find something in a big

city.”

“I can move as soon as I get out of my lease.” I turned over and laid my head on Tyler’s

chest. “You know this means Dad’s promotion party next Saturday will be our last function

before we come out of the closet.”

Tyler’s fingers now joined Jamie’s in my hair. “I guess we need to figure out what we’ll

say. I’m not sure what to even call us. Ménage à trois?”

I shuddered. “That makes it sound like we’re just fooling around.”

“It doesn’t really mean that at all, you know. If you look at the literal translation of the

French,” Jamie explained, “it means a household of three.”

I thought about that. That’s what we would be. A household of three. A family.

“A household of three. I like it,” I declared authoritatively.

“Me too.” Tyler laughed. “It definitely sounds better than three horny gay guys shacking

up.”

Jamie sighed. “Always the romantic.”

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“I try.”

Long after Jamie and Tyler fell asleep, I lay awake and listened to their soft snores and

deep breathing. I smiled as I realized that soon I would spend every night embraced by the men I

loved.

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Chapter Fourteen

I had no idea who all these people were. The Matthews’ house was bustling, and my dad

was the center of attention. Sometimes I just stood and watched as he accepted offered hands and

pats on the back. He even got a few kisses on the cheek, which never failed to make him blush.

“He’s worked so hard for this.” My mother watched, clearly enjoying my father’s moment

in the spotlight. “He’s going to be the best history department chair ever, you know.”

I nodded. “Don’t know what took ’em so long.”

She looked at the wine in her glass. “Sheer stupidity.”

I kissed Mom on the cheek only to turn around and find Tyler waiting for one too. “Hey,

baby. Having a good time?”

“Mmmhmm,” he mumbled against my lips. “Jamie needs some help bringing in a couple

of crates of wine. Want to help?”

Mom raised her eyebrow. “Jamie?”

“You told me to make nice,” I said as Tyler pulled me away. “I made nice.”

Waving good-bye, I let Tyler lead me down the hall. Fully expecting to head down into the

basement, I realized we were instead following the vaguely familiar path to Jamie’s old room.

Tyler pushed the door open and shoved me inside.

Before I could protest, lips were pressed to my mouth and the back of my neck. One pair

of eager hands was thrust down the front of my pants, another down the back. I groaned when

strong strokes began to bring my soft cock to life.

My head fell back on Tyler’s shoulder. “Guys, we really don’t have time for this.”

Jamie stroked me harder. “It’s been five days. We’ll make time.”

Tyler rubbed his fingers between the cheeks of my ass. “We all need this.”

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I completely forgot why this was a bad idea the second Jamie dropped to his knees in front

of me. He quickly had my pants and boxers down around my feet and entirely off one leg. He

pushed my thighs apart and leaned forward to engulf me in one mouthful.

Tyler placed his hand between my shoulder blades and pressed down. “Put your hands on

his shoulders, Sean.”

I followed his direction, and as I began my first tentative thrusts into Jamie’s mouth,

Tyler’s wet, pointed tongue started to lick slow circles around my hole.

“Oh, fuck, I love you guys.”

A few minutes later, we all sat on the floor, sharing the salty taste of my seed. I wanted

nothing more than to stay in Jamie’s room and suck off both my men, but they weren’t having it.

“Just for you,” Jamie whispered before thrusting his tongue deep into my mouth one more

time.

I stretched my arm and wound it around Tyler’s waist. “And what did I do to deserve such

attention?”

I fully expected to hear his standard, smart-ass reply, but instead he snuggled close and laid

his head on my shoulder. His eyes were soft, his expression grateful. I wanted to spend the rest

of my life making him look at me that way.

He ran his hand over my chest. “You got out of your lease.”

Jamie wrapped his arms around my waist. “It’s all happening. I’ve got an interview

Monday. You’ll be moved into the townhouse in three weeks.” He kissed my shoulder.

“Everything’s going according to plan.”

“There’s just one little thing,” Tyler whispered.

Jamie and I looked at him expectantly. It was impossible to miss the hesitancy in his voice

and in his body, which was tense. I pulled him into my lap, and Jamie and I kneaded the stiff

muscles of his arms and legs.

Tyler rolled his eyes. “This really isn’t necessary. It’s not that bad.” He moaned as Jamie’s

hands moved to massage his thighs. “Don’t stop, though.”

“Talk,” I commanded.

He took a deep breath. “Okay, I want to call Mama tonight. I want to tell her.”

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This was much bigger than my stupid lease. It would kill Tyler if his mother and sisters

turned away from him. It was like I was eighteen again, trying to work up the courage to walk

down the stairs and tell my parents I was gay. But we couldn’t lie to them, not after they’d been

so good to us.

“We just have to have faith that they’ll understand how much we love each other.” I

rubbed his arms, which had broken out in goose bumps. “You don’t have to do this now, you

know.”

“I do. I just… I don’t know. I need her to know.”

Jamie moved closer so he could wrap his arms around both of us. “Tonight, then. So we

can both be with you.”

Tyler’s body immediately relaxed. “Good. I’m glad.”

As we sat together on the floor of Jamie’s room, I remember all the times I’d been in this

room as a pitiful teenager. I’d dreamed of Jamie laying me down in his bed and taking me. Of

him telling me he loved me and would be with me forever. So many years after I’d given up that

dream, I was sitting here with him. He’d made those promises. Still, he hadn’t made them only to

me. He’d also made them to Tyler, the only other man I’d ever loved. And that made me happier

than my younger self could have ever imagined.

I nudged Tyler. “They’re going to miss us soon.”

Tyler stood up and offered his hand to Jamie, who continued to hold it after he came to his

feet. I was glad we weren’t going to have to hide their feelings for each other much longer. It

wasn’t fair to them, and I loved seeing them share such simple touches Tyler and I took for

granted.

“Well,” Jamie said, looking down at me, “since you’re the only one who’s naked, I think

Tyler and I will make a graceful exit and let you grab some wine from the basement once you’re

dressed.”

I knelt at their feet and batted my eyelashes as I stared up at them. “Are you sure you don’t

want me to return the favor?”

Tyler’s grip on Jamie’s hand tightened, and his knuckles went white. “Oh, shit. I can’t

resist him when he does the eyelash thing.”

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Jamie ran the fingers of his free hand through my hair. “I always did fantasize about

having you here on your knees.”

I reached for the zipper on his jeans. “That makes two of us, baby.”

Once my men were satisfied and on their way, I got dressed and took a few minutes to will

down my dick. I opened the door when I was finally presentable and walked smack into a human

brick wall.

I jumped back and stared. I’d forgotten how massive Jamie’s father was. I was sure he’d

scared his soldiers shitless. He certainly scared me, even after all these years.

“Um, hello, Col. Matthews.” My voice returned to its prepubescent pitch.

“Hello, Sean.” Col. Matthews was the epitome of calm, cool, and collected. “I’m glad you

and your boyfriend came tonight. It’s not often we get to see you, and I know James is happy to

have you here.”

I was speechless. It was the most words the man had said to me my entire life. Although it

was impossible to tell from his even tone, he seemed to truly mean what he said.

“I’m glad to be here, sir. Thank you so much for having us.”

He clapped a friendly hand on my shoulder and smiled. “I hope one day you’ll actually do

as I ask and call me John.”

Who was this man? When he smiled, it was if I was seeing Jamie thirty years down the

road. And damn, I knew I wanted to be around for that.

I lowered my head and blushed. “I’ll try, sir.”

Shaking his head, Col. Matthews laughed as he walked away.

* * *

Before my brief interlude with Tyler and Jamie, I’d spent the evening admiring them,

sometimes from across the room and sometimes closer. My favorite moments were when they

were together, unaware I was watching. Usually standing rail straight, Jamie would instead prop

himself against the wall or the door frame while Tyler would lean slightly toward him. Their

eyes would lock, and I could tell the entire world had melted away. More often than not, they’d

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catch me staring, and even from across the room, I’d be sucked into their bubble right along with

them. God, we were hopeless. And I loved it.

As the night progressed, I saw them together less and less, until finally I didn’t see Jamie at

all. Tyler found me, stuck in conversation with one of Dad’s Luddite friends, and mercifully

pulled me away.

He looked around warily. “What’s up with your mom?” he whispered.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“She keeps getting Jamie to do bullshit errands, and she’s constantly dragging me off

somewhere to introduce me to one of her friends.”

My stomach knotted. “When did she start this?”

“Right after we…” His eyes went wide. “Oh, fuck.”

His judicious use of the word had never been more appropriate. Apparently I wasn’t the

only one paying attention to the gooey looks between Tyler and Jamie. We had to get out of here.

“I guess I better go find our boyfriend before my mother decides to push him down some

stairs or something.” I looked at Tyler, and instead of being suitably frightened, he was grinning

from ear to ear. “What?”

“You called him our boyfriend.”

I rolled my eyes. “We really don’t have time to get mushy right now. You know how Mom

is.”

“Right, right. Must go save our boyfriend.” His smile just got brighter.

I shook my head and gave him a quick peck before making my way through the throng of

academia. I checked each room, waylaid once by Dad and again by Dr. Matthews, before I

finally found them in the kitchen. Mom had her hands on her hips, and Jamie just looked

stunned.

“W-w-what did you just say?”

Mom jabbed the air angrily with her index finger. “You heard me. Stay away from Tyler. I

won’t have you break Sean’s heart again.”

I stomped into the room. “What the hell is going on here?”

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Mom didn’t even turn around to face me. “James and I are just having a little talk.”

I walked over to Jamie, and he looked at me, all his coolness gone. He shivered when I

touched his hand. What had she said to him?

“Tyler’s waiting out front for us,” I whispered, slowly stroking his arm. “Tell your parents

we’re heading out, and I’ll meet you in a few, okay?”

Jamie swallowed hard, and some of his composure returned. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Just go wait outside.”

He nodded and looked back at me with a sympathetic smile as he left the room. Once I was

sure he was out of earshot, I glared at my mother, ignoring the look of utter confusion on her

face.

“Tell me what you said to him.”

“Um…” She blinked a few times. “What’s going on here, Sean?”

“No,” I said sternly. “You tell me what you said to Jamie.”

“I told him he’d hurt you enough for one lifetime. That he needed to quit skulking around

with Tyler and sow his oats outside your social circle.”

I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. “Holy shit, Mom! How could you accuse

him of fucking Tyler behind my back?”

She pulled my hands away from my face. “I’m sorry, Sean. They’ve been staring at each

other all night. I didn’t want to say anything, but then I saw them come out of Jamie’s room—”

“Oh, God. You totally misunderstood. It’s not like that at all.”

“I know you don’t want to see it, but—”

I backed away until I hit the refrigerator. “No, it’s you who doesn’t see.” I took a deep

breath and looked her straight in the eye. “Tyler’s not cheating on me. I was with them in

Jamie’s room. I’m with both of them. The three of us…together.”

All the color drained from my mother’s face. “What are you saying?”

“I’m moving in with Tyler in three weeks. As soon as Jamie finds a job in Atlanta, he’s

moving in with us.” My stomach churned as her frown deepened.

“Jesus, Sean.” She backed away, shaking her head. “This just isn’t right.”

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“I love them, Mom. They love me…and each other. How is that wrong?”

She looked at me, and there was no mistaking the disappointment there. For the first time

in my life, I didn’t have my mother’s approval. “I didn’t raise you to be so…promiscuous.”

My jaw dropped. “I’m not promiscuous. I sleep with two…” I waved two fingers in the air.

“Two men. Two men who mean more to me than anything. I love you, Mom, but I won’t let you

talk about us like we’re something dirty.”

Just then, Dad’s happy voice rang across the house. “Sarah!”

Mom’s head instinctively turned toward Dad’s voice, but then she cut her eyes back to me.

“We’ll continue this discussion later.”

“There’s nothing to discuss. I’m not changing my mind.”

She shook her head and walked out of the room without another word.

* * *

I lay on the couch with my head in Tyler’s lap while Jamie sat on the floor next to us. They

took turns kissing me and running their fingers through my hair. As upset as I was with my

mother, they were making me feel better despite myself.

“She called me promiscuous,” I said, pouting.

My head bounced as Tyler’s entire body shook with laughter. “This is promiscuous? She

obviously doesn’t know about college, then.”

Jamie’s eyebrow arched high. “College?”

“Oh yeah, Sean was very popular in Athens.” Tyler tugged my hair. “Weren’t you, babe?”

“Shut up,” I hissed.

“He’d get on his knees for any guy with a cute ass, the way he tells it.”

I turned my head and bit Tyler’s thigh as hard as I could through his jeans.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“You’re one to talk.” I glared up at him. “If I recall, you blew me by lunch my first day of

work.”

“What can I say? I forgot to eat breakfast.”

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Jamie stood up, and his half-hard cock was impossible to miss. “You two need to talk

about something else. I don’t want to have a hard-on while I’m talking to Mrs. Welsh.”

Just as I reached out to offer Jamie some relief, a shrill rooster’s crow sounded. I sat up

next to Tyler and pulled Jamie down on the couch next to me.

“That’s her now.” Tyler handed Jamie a pillow. “Cover that up, will ya?”

We sat, three peas in a twisted pod, as Tyler leaned forward and clicked the video chat icon

on his laptop. As Tyler took deep, cleansing breaths, I reached under Jamie’s pillow and

squeezed his junk hard. I snatched my hand back just as Mrs. Welsh popped up on the screen. In

my peripheral vision, I saw Jamie glaring at me.

Mrs. Welsh sat staring at us, her long hair still the dark midnight color of Tyler’s. She was

a tiny woman, dwarfed by her son and daughters, but she had a huge personality and heart that

no one could match. Just like her son.

“Well, there’s my boys! I was just telling your sisters over dinner that it’d been way too

long since you boys came for a visit, and here you are.” She clapped her hands. “And you have a

friend with you.”

“Yeah, Mama, this is Jamie,” Tyler explained as Jamie waved. “If you had dinner with

Tami and Tanya, are they still there?”

When Jamie chuckled, I whispered in his ear. “Oh, don’t give him shit about the names.

Just trust me.”

“Well, sure, Ty, they’re still here. Want me to get ’em?”

As soon as Tyler nodded, his mother screamed his sisters’ names behind her. Within a

minute, both women flanked their mother. Except for their boobs and their blonde hair, they

were the spitting image of Tyler.

After more hellos, introductions, and waves, Mrs. Welsh got down to business. “So, what’s

this about, Ty? You’re white as a sheet, and you’re wringing your hands like a dishcloth. I’m

starting to get worried.”

I grabbed Tyler’s hand and squeezed. He reached past me with his other hand, which Jamie

took without hesitation. The three of us sat there, holding hands, as Tyler turned to face the

webcam again.

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“Mama, the three of us have been in a relationship for a few months, and we love each

other. We’re planning to live together.”

His blunt declaration was met with blank faces and total silence. I began to wonder if the

connection had dropped, because none of the Welsh women seemed to be blinking. Tyler

tightened his hold on my hand, while Jamie held his breath. When Tami finally spoke, we all

jumped in our seats.

“Awesome!” She was practically dancing in her chair. “Not only is my brother gay, he’s

poly too! How freakin’ cool is that?”

Jamie shook his head. “She’s the one with the books, isn’t she?”

Tyler’s mother shushed her daughter. “I just have one question.”

“Yes, Mama?”

“Do I need to get a bigger bed for the guest room?” Her somber face turned light in an

instant. “I mean, I just don’t think you three big boys can cuddle close enough to fit in that full

bed when you visit.”

Tyler’s face turned bloodred, and he hid it in his hands until his mother called his name.

“Tyler, sweetheart, you know I love you. Your daddy and I raised you and your sisters to

follow your hearts, no matter what anyone else thinks.” She wiped her cheek with the back of her

hand. “I trust that you make decisions that are best for you, and I trust Sean not to let you get

hurt. If you two love and trust Jamie, I’m sure, once I get to know him, I will too.”

Listening to her, so open and willing to accept, made my mother’s reaction sting even

more. Mrs. Welsh didn’t even know Jamie, but, simply on Tyler’s word, she was willing to take

him into her family. My mother, who had known Jamie almost his entire life, didn’t understand

how much Tyler and I loved him. She couldn’t get past the salaciousness of it to see how much

we needed each other.

As Tyler and his family continued to talk, Jamie leaned over and kissed my temple. “Don’t

worry,” he whispered, “she’ll come around.”

Quite a while later, I relaxed as we said our good-byes to Tyler’s family. We promised to

visit once Jamie was settled in Atlanta, and Tami promised to e-mail us a list of recommended

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ménage romances. After my unhappy face-off with Mom, it was nice to know someone was on

our side.

Tyler shut down his computer and snuggled next to me. His tongue trailed up my neck

until he reached my earlobe, which he began nibbling in earnest. I moaned and reached out for

Jamie, but my hands remained empty. Tyler realized we were missing Jamie too, and we both

looked around the room for him.

He was standing in the hallway, motioning us to come to him. Scrambling to our feet, we

followed him into the bedroom. We reached out for him, but he put his hands up to stop us.

“In three weeks, you two will be in this bedroom days at a time without me.” He took my

hand and led me to the bed. “Tonight, I want you to make love to each other and know that it’s

okay to do it when I’m not here.” He held his hand out for Tyler. “I’m going to watch, and until

we’re together every day, I’ll be able to close my eyes and remember every second on the nights

I spend alone.”

Tyler took Jamie’s hand and moved to my side. “Are you sure?”

Jamie kissed him. “I’m sure.” He turned and kissed me. “I’m very, very sure.”

That night, I slowly rocked inside Tyler’s giving body, loving how he wrapped around me

and begged me to hold him closer. Between his breathy moans and cries, we kissed and

whispered words of love and lust. As lost as we were, we never forgot the man across the room.

No matter how hard we drove to our release, we never forgot that we were meant to be three.

Three weeks later, I sat across the same room and watched Jamie and Tyler become just as

heated and lost. And when they came, my name mixed with each other’s on their lips, I knew

they’d never forget me either.

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Chapter Fifteen

I’d checked the time every five minutes since 11:30 a.m., and at 1:30 p.m., it was finally

obvious to me that Mom wasn’t going to call. I’d left several messages since the party, and Tyler

suggested I wait for Wednesday. After all, she never missed a Wednesday call, right?

Wrong.

“Fuck this.” I snatched my cell phone off my desk and dialed the number. Just as I got

ready to leave yet another voice mail, the ringing stopped.

“Hello, Sean.” My father’s voice was strained and weary.

I shook my head, dismayed and disgusted. “She’s seriously making you answer her

phone?”

“No. I just didn’t think it was fair to keep ignoring your calls. It doesn’t make sense to be

angry with you for keeping secrets and then never let you talk.” I could hear my mother yell at

my father in the background, and he didn’t cover the phone when he yelled back. “I’m not saying

anything to him I haven’t already said to you. Talk to him, for Christ’s sake!”

Perfect. Now not only had I pissed off and disappointed my mother, but I’d caused my

sappy parents to fight. After a few muffled words and a shuffling sound, my mother finally came

to the phone.

“Yes?” Her voice was petulant, the word clipped.

“It’s Wednesday.” When I got no response, I continued. “You didn’t call. Is this your way

of saying we’re not welcome for dinner?”

“That would completely depend on who we are.”

Her words felt like a punch to the gut. She’d never been unwelcoming or judgmental. I

always knew I could bring any of my dates or lovers home. In my heart, I’d always expected this

to be Tyler’s or Jamie’s problem. Not mine. Not with my mother.

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“Mom, we’ve gone over this. Tyler, Jamie, me. Together. That’s who we are.”

“You are always welcome.” She took a deep breath. “Even Tyler, I guess. But not James.

Not anymore.”

I let my head fall and tried not to let her hear how much she’d hurt me. “I don’t

understand. You’ve known Jamie practically his entire life.”

“I looked away when he broke your heart and joined the army. Maybe I didn’t know

everything then, but I knew he deserted you when he was supposed to be your best friend. And

when I did find out exactly how he’d hurt you, I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. I

encouraged you to be his friend.” Her laugh was bitter. “And he repays me by pulling you into

his perversion.”

“Goddamn it, Mom, you—”

“Your life is hard enough as a gay man. Now you’ve only made it ten times harder. Don’t

you see? You can’t ever take them both to a company function. Even if the great state of Georgia

pulls its head out of its ass and legalizes gay marriage, you won’t be able to marry them both.”

She paused, and when she spoke again, her voice was wistful. “No one will ever let you adopt

now.”

My stomach lurched. “I-I gotta go.”

Shell-shocked, I hung up without a good-bye, even as I heard my mother calling my name.

I texted Tyler and Jamie to let them know dinner was off and dropped my phone on the desk. My

head was spinning, and I needed to think. I grabbed my sunglasses and headed out of my office.

* * *

It was impossible to stay depressed while watching kids play in the water at Centennial

Park, but leave it to me to find a way to do it. Resting on the concrete steps surrounding the

fountains, for the past two hours I had been stared at by a fair share of the children and adults. I

didn’t even notice the approaching figure until he cast a shadow over me.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Tyler sat down beside me and took my hand.

“Why?”

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“It’s where you came when we had our first fight.” He scooted closer and released my

hand to wrap his arm around me. “Granted, it would have been easier if you’d answered your

phone.”

I laid my head on his shoulder. “Sorry. I think I left it at the office.”

We cuddled a while before I realized Tyler should be at work too. “Will you have a

problem playing hooky with me?”

He kissed the top of my head. “Nope. Told ’em I had a family emergency.”

For some stupid reason, that made me smile. Just as I began to relax, rapid footsteps came

toward me, and I was startled when Jamie yanked me up by my shoulders. Before I could get a

word out, he pulled me into a tight embrace.

Tyler chuckled. “Dramatic much?”

Jamie stuck his tongue out at Tyler. I didn’t have to look to confirm it. “I was worried. So

sue me.”

The three of us got settled on the steps, Jamie sitting a step above so he could run his

fingers through my hair and stroke Tyler’s shoulders in turns. Tyler took my hand in his and

leaned back against Jamie’s legs. And I just let them. I needed the soft touches, and at that

moment, I didn’t give a fuck who cared.

Finally I calmed down enough to talk. “She thinks I’m ruining my life, and she thinks it’s

your fault, Jamie.”

Jamie’s fingers froze on my scalp for a second before he gulped and resumed his

movements. “My fault?” he croaked.

“Apparently I was supposed to be the paragon of gay marriage and have two-point-five

kids, and now that’s all messed up.” I turned to look at Jamie, and the hurt in his eyes made me

angry. “You know she’s full of shit, right?”

“What about me?” Tyler asked. “I mean, she’d said stuff about grandkids before…”

“Somehow you must have been cast under the same evil spell, ’cause you can come to

dinner.”

Jamie’s hands fell to his sides. “But I can’t.” He pulled away from us. “Maybe you should

just go without me.”

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Tyler and I yelled “no” in unison. I turned on the step until I was on my knees in front of

Jamie, and Tyler grabbed his hand.

“We know this isn’t going to be easy, even if we never say it out loud.” I looked back and

forth between them, wanting to kiss away the worry on their faces. “I wish this would be the

hardest thing we’ll ever have to deal with, but it won’t. It’s worth it, though, to be together.

Together is the only way we’ll ever be happy, and we deserve to be happy. Don’t we?”

Jamie wrapped a hand around my neck, then Tyler’s, and pulled us into huddle. “I don’t

want to make things difficult for you two. I just want to love you.”

“Then love us,” Tyler whispered. “Don’t let us go.”

“I do love you.” Jamie kissed Tyler’s forehead. He then kissed mine. “And I love you too.”

We settled back against each other and watched the now thinner crowd of kids run through

the arcing streams of water. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe one day I’d want kids and be sorry

that I couldn’t have them. But I’d never be sorry that I’d chosen the two men beside me to spend

my life with.

And who knew? Maybe someone would actually marry Tyler’s perfectly lovely but

completely odd sisters and we’d have lots of nieces and nephews to spoil. And we’d bring them

here to—

I jumped up and took a hand of each boyfriend to pull them to their feet. “Come with me.”

Tyler figured it out first. “You can’t be serious?”

“Grab him,” I ordered Jamie.

As I led the way, Jamie dragged Tyler, kicking and screaming and laughing, to the middle

of the closest ring of fountains. For all his protests, Tyler didn’t run when Jamie released him.

Instead, he and Jamie and I took advantage of the opportunity to be silly in public together. We

weren’t the only adults getting drenched, but we were the only ones doing it wearing business

casual.

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Chapter Sixteen

We’d completely given up. Tyler and I leaned against the counter and sipped our beers as

we watched Jamie, shirtless and sweaty, move boxes into the kitchen. With every lift and bend,

his muscles and ink rippled, and his hair, now the shaggy length it was in college, swayed. Jamie

lifted a box onto the counter, and its contents clanged together.

I pointed at the box with my beer bottle. “What’s that?”

He slowly ran his finger along the large black letters scrawled across the side. “Kitchen

pans,” he read slowly. “Those are the big things I cook food in.”

Tyler chuckled behind his beer. “You know, I think the best part about moving in

together…” He paused and grinned wickedly. “Okay, the second best thing about moving in

together is seeing how happy you are in this room.”

Jamie hooked a large copper sauté pan on the overhead rack we’d hung yesterday. “It

sounds stupid, I know, but it’s the first place that’s felt like home in a long time.” He bowed his

head. “A place where I can stay for a while.”

Before we could go to him, he was unpacking again. The changes over the past few

months had made him more vulnerable than he’d ever been, and it was amazing to finally see the

man I’d only seen hints of before he joined the army. He still held too many things inside, but

we’d wait until he was ready to share them.

The two months waiting for Jamie to join us had seemed interminable. Even though we

spent his off days never leaving our bed, it hadn’t been enough. The townhouse was so quiet

without him. We’d finally realized what Jamie already knew the night we made love for him: we

needed the full comfort of each other on the nights he wasn’t here.

But that was over. Our household was finally complete.

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Jamie shoved his damp hair away from his forehead. “Why is it that I’m the only one

moving anything?”

“Well,” I said shrugging, “you’re just so much better at it than we are. You know, let the

expert handle it.”

Tyler nodded. “Yep, and it doesn’t have anything to do with wanting to watch you run

around half-naked either.”

I applied a sharp elbow to Tyler’s ribs, and he winced. While we were busy glaring at each

other, Jamie blocked us against the counter.

He slowly brushed his right hand over both his pecs and began teasing his left nipple. “I’m

hurt. If I’d known you two were immune to my half-naked charms, I’d have left my shirt on.” He

tugged his nipple into a hard point and groaned.

Tyler almost dropped his bottle as he set it on the counter behind him. “Oh, I wouldn’t say

we’re immune. Right, Sean?”

“N-n-no,” I stuttered. “Not immune at all.”

Jamie’s hand slid over his stomach until the tips of his fingers dipped under the waistband

of his jeans. “Show me.”

Tyler ripped his T-shirt off over his head and immediately wrapped his lips around Jamie’s

taut nipple. Jamie buried his fingers in Tyler’s thick hair and arched his body toward the greedy

mouth licking and sucking him. I took a long pull on my beer before setting it down on the

counter.

“There’s no watching today,” Jamie said as he pulled me closer by the hem of my shirt.

Jamie helped raise my shirt over my head, and I tossed it to the floor. Grabbing a handful

of my hair, he brought my mouth to his, and his salty lips were still as full and soft as the first

time he’d kissed me. A second set of fingers then tugged at my hair, and I turned to find Tyler’s

waiting mouth. Fuck, I would never get tired of tasting him, of holding his sweet tongue in my

mouth. Tyler and I then returned our attentions to Jamie, and the room went silent except for his

soft moans.

Until a throat cleared, that is.

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I kissed Jamie’s neck once more before looking up to find an embarrassed visitor standing

in the kitchen doorway. He turned his head and lowered his gaze to the floor.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Jamie’s father said with more than a little amusement, “but

your door was just standing wide open.”

* * *

Suitably attired, we sat around the dining table with Col. Matthews. He was nursing his

cup of coffee, cradling it in his hands as he silently pondered us. Tyler wrung his hands at

Jamie’s right side, while I bit my lip at his left. Jamie, as usual, was calm and stoic…except for

his eyes. His eyes were swimming with confusion.

Col. Matthews pushed his coffee away. “If it wouldn’t inconvenience you, could I possibly

have one of those beers I saw in the kitchen earlier?”

Tyler jumped up from his seat. “Sure, sure. Let me get one for you.”

When Tyler returned, not only did he have a beer for Col. Matthews, but he brought a

round for the entire table. Jamie immediately took a big swig of his, and Tyler and I choked

down a few sips of our own. Col. Matthews closed one eye and looked down the bottle’s long

neck before taking a single drink.

Jamie sat up straight and addressed his father. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I had planned to

once we were all settled.”

Col. Matthews nodded and looked around the room. “You boys have a very nice place

here.”

“Thank you,” Tyler said, a tense grin on his face.

“I suppose I should explain why I’m here.” Col. Matthews swirled the beer in his bottle.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come talk to your mother and me, but when you moved to Atlanta

and still hadn’t sat down with us, I was afraid you were hiding again.”

Jamie and I exchanged shocked looks. Could he be saying what we thought he was saying?

“We’ve known since the night of the party. You’d never looked so happy, son, and it

didn’t take us long to realize there wasn’t just a single man responsible for it. The longing looks.

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The brief touches. Maybe most people would have missed it, but as far as I was concerned, you

couldn’t have been more obvious.”

He gulped down more beer, and for a second, he lost his normal calm demeanor. “When I

walked into your hospital room at Landstuhl and saw you so…broken…I swore to myself that I

would help you find what you needed to be happy again. We almost lost you, James, and we

never want to be in that position again. If being with Sean and Tyler makes you happy, we will

support you. All of you.”

I reached out for Jamie, but my hand came up empty. I turned to find him already on his

feet and rounding the table toward his father, who slowly stood. He held his arms open, and

Jamie walked into his warm embrace. Just like a child, Jamie buried his face in his father’s solid

shoulder.

“James, you’ve got to stop shutting us out.” Col. Matthews rubbed Jamie’s back in a slow

circle. “We’re your parents, and we love you. Give us a chance before you write us off.”

Jamie shook his head. “I wasn’t doing that, I swear. Not this time. I was just…afraid.”

“There’s no need for fear in our family, James. No need at all.” He continued to lovingly

rub Jamie’s back as he looked between Tyler and me. “So, which one of you boys wants to show

me around?”

Tyler jumped at the chance to show off our home, and he led Col. Matthews—and Jamie

and I trailing behind—from room to room. He blushed only slightly when he reached our

bedroom. When the tour ended in the living room, we all relaxed and talked about Jamie’s new

job and how his new 24-on, 48-off schedule would take some getting used to. After so many

years of being scared and intimidated by the man, it was strange to sit across from Col. Matthews

and realize that he was just like any other father who loved his son and wanted to be part of his

life.

As we escorted Col. Matthews to the door later, he gently clasped my shoulder. “Call your

father, Sean.”

I shrugged. “Mom and I just aren’t… seeing eye to eye on this. I—”

“Your mother just needs time.” Col. Matthews gave me a brief squeeze before dropping

his hand. “Your father doesn’t. He wants to talk to you.”

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Tyler hugged me from behind, and we watched Jamie and his father exchange good-bye

hugs and promises to have lunch next week. Col. Matthews smiled as he turned back to us.

“Take care of my son, boys. He means a lot to me and his mother.”

Tyler nodded. “Yes, sir, we will. He means a lot to us too.”

Col. Matthews nodded in that “of course you will” way of his and walked out the door.

Jamie stared after him for a while before finally closing and locking the door. He turned around

and leaned against the wall.

“Well, that went better than I expected.”

I laughed. “King of the understatement today, are we?”

Jamie marched over to me and, grabbing my chin, leaned in for a hard, messy,

openmouthed kiss. Just as my tongue found a rhythm it could dance to, Jamie pulled away and

grabbed Tyler to give his mouth the same treatment. When he was finished, he pried Tyler and

me apart and took our hands.

“Come with me.”

* * *

Jamie led us to the bedroom. No longer would we spend our nights here only to send him

on his way in the morning. Because this was his home now. Our home.

Jamie cradled Tyler’s face between his strong hands. “I have never been so happy to be

anywhere than I am to be here with you and Sean right now. Do you know how much it means to

me that you wanted us here together? God, Tyler, I love you so fucking much.”

“Yeah?” Tyler whispered in awe.

I moved behind him, circling my arms around his waist and squeezing. “Yeah.” I kissed

the nape of his neck, and he shivered.

Jamie kissed Tyler, the touch of his lips gentle and lingering. “Let us show you.”

Tyler’s breathing grew ragged as Jamie and I stripped him slowly, running our hands over

every millimeter of his soft, warm skin. The flesh of his lithe body rounded beautifully on his

ass, and I licked and nibbled his cheeks as Jamie undressed.

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When I stood to remove my clothes, Jamie fell to his knees in front of Tyler, ready to

worship. Tyler groaned as he slowly pushed his cock into Jamie’s waiting mouth. Now naked, I

stood behind Tyler and placed my hands on his hips.

I found his earlobe with my teeth and tugged. “Fuck his mouth,” I whispered. “It’s what he

wants.”

“Oh, God.” Tyler gazed down into Jamie’s pleading eyes. “O-okay.”

Tyler’s hands eased over Jamie’s head and rested on the back. He thrust slowly at first,

working deeper and deeper into Jamie’s mouth. Finally his fingers curled into Jamie’s hair, and

he began to thrust with abandon. Jamie moaned, taking all Tyler would give him.

“That’s it.” I licked the sweat from Tyler’s jaw. “See how much he loves you?”

Just then, Tyler’s thrusts became jerky and lost their rhythm. Pressing Jamie’s face into the

wiry, black hair crowning his cock, Tyler arched his back. I could feel his ass clench under my

hands as he screamed.

“Yeah…oh, God…yeah!”

He groaned with each spasm until he finally fell back against me. I held up his limp body

as Jamie licked and nuzzled his cock until it was soft. Jamie rose to his feet and gave me a long,

slow taste of Tyler’s release. Soon Tyler raised his head, and we shared our mouths with him.

Tyler hummed happily. “I need this. I need you inside me. Please.”

The sound of Tyler’s begging always drove me mad, and I grabbed him, dragging him to

the bed. I pushed him onto his back and watched as he spread himself open for us. Jamie’s hands

snaked around my waist, and he stroked my dick, his own pressed hard against my ass.

Jamie peppered kisses across my shoulders. “God, look at him just waiting for us. Have

you ever seen anything more beautiful?”

I hadn’t. Underneath all the bravado, Tyler was so very vulnerable. He only wanted to be

loved and desired, to bring us pleasure in every way. To be buried inside him was nothing short

of amazing.

I ground my ass against Jamie, eliciting a sharp intake of air. “Let’s get him ready.”

While Jamie rummaged around the nightstand, I scrambled onto the bed and lay next to

Tyler. The green in his hazel eyes was brighter than I’d ever seen it, and he watched me intently

What We Deserve

127

as I kissed and licked trails all over his face and chest. I paid special attention to the hard,

sensitive points of his nipples, and his bright eyes rolled into the back of his head.

When Tyler began to groan and writhe, I knew Jamie was preparing him. I raised my head

just enough to see one hand moving slowly between Tyler’s legs and another massaging his

stomach. Jamie always took his time with us, stretching and thrusting until we begged for more.

He worked Tyler’s body, stopping only when Tyler cried in frustration.

Sheathed and ready, Jamie settled over Tyler and kissed him softly. “I love you.”

Tyler pressed his palm against Jamie’s cheek. “Love you too, baby. So much.”

Every muscle in his body flexing, Jamie thrust completely into Tyler’s body in a single,

fluid movement. Tyler wrapped his legs around Jamie’s waist, and they rocked slowly together. I

lay next to them, running my hands over and between their sweaty bodies and sharing breathy

kisses with them. Soon Jamie began thrusting hard and deep, clutching Tyler to him as he

moved.

“Sorry, baby,” he whispered between moans, “I can’t hold off much longer.”

Tyler shushed him. “Never sorry. Just come for me.”

Jamie drove into Tyler’s willing body again and again, his fingers desperately grasping the

sheets and his body tense, until he came, his loud groans echoing off the walls. Collapsing onto

Tyler’s chest, Jamie continued moving slowly inside him. Tyler and I gently ran our hands over

Jamie’s head and body until he stilled. Jamie gave Tyler one brief kiss before shifting beside him

on the bed.

Still reeling from my contact high, I barely registered Tyler moving beside me until his

long fingers wrapped around my cock. He quickly stroked me to full attention as he kissed a wet

trail from my shoulder over my jaw to my ear. He then brushed his lips teasingly over mine.

“Need you, Sean.” His tongue slowly ran across my bottom lip. “Tell me what you want.”

I grabbed his hair and pulled him back. “Ride me.”

Scrambling to his knees, Tyler searched the bed around us. He smiled when Jamie

produced a condom from his side of the bed.

“Is this what you’re looking for?”

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Kerry Freeman

Tyler snatched the condom from Jamie’s hand and quickly smoothed it over my aching

hard-on. Straddling my hips, he leaned over me, his hands on my shoulders, and waited until I

teased his hole with the head of my cock. He slowly sat back and eased me inside him until he

rested on my hips. As Tyler began to move up and down, Jamie nestled against my side and took

my nipple into his hot, wet mouth.

Under their assault, it was hard to keep my eyes open and focused. The pleasure I’d known

with each of them before was nothing compared to the ecstasy of touching them, feeling them,

tasting them together. I pulled Tyler down and kissed him, my tongue exploring the depths of his

delicious mouth. Holding him close, I thrust inside him and offered his mouth to Jamie, who

took it gladly. Watching Jamie swallow Tyler’s cries as I caused them was the sexiest thing I’d

ever seen.

Tyler broke away from both Jamie’s kiss and my embrace and pushed himself up. He rode

me hard, his erect cock bouncing off his stomach. Jamie knelt next to us and, leaning down,

captured Tyler’s cock in his mouth. Each time Tyler rose up on my dick, his own slipped through

Jamie’s lips. I met Tyler’s movements with thrusts of my own, and soon we were both on the

edge.

“Oh, my God, you both…feel so good.” Tyler’s back arched, and his toes curled against

my legs. “I’m gonna come.”

Tyler’s fingers dug into Jamie’s shoulder, and he thrust deep into Jamie’s mouth, coming

hard. I moaned each time Tyler’s ass constricted around me, and before I knew it, I was holding

his hips and pounding up into him. My eyes, unfocused and teary, shut tight, and the pressure

inside me was unbearable. I could no longer contain it, and I exploded, shooting again and again

as Tyler slowly rode me to completion.

Exhausted, Tyler fell next to me, and Jamie and I gently took care of him as we cleaned

ourselves. Tyler reached for me, pulling me down next to him. Jamie settled in behind him and

spooned his sleepy body.

His voice sleepy and his eyes barely open, Tyler whispered in my ear. “Love you. Love

you a lot.”

“I love you too, baby.” I kissed his forehead.

What We Deserve

129

He snuggled closer. “So sweepy.”

Before I could tell him to sleep, his head was on my chest, and he softly snored. Looking

over his head, I gazed at Jamie, who shook his head and laughed.

Jamie ran his hand over Tyler’s shoulder and down his arm. “He’s so funny when he’s

sleepy.”

“Yeah, I know.” I followed Jamie’s hand over Tyler’s body. “He’s kind of adorable.”

Jamie grabbed my chin and kissed me. “So are you.”

“Why, thank you. You aren’t too bad yourself.”

We continued to softly caress Tyler and each other. Every touch of Jamie’s hands and beat

of Tyler’s heart made the day more real to me. The life we’d planned was beginning here and

now.

I stroked Tyler’s cheek. “I can’t believe we’re all finally here.” Gazing over at Jamie, I saw

that he was watching me. “What do we do now?”

Jamie shrugged. “Take care of each other. Fuck. Be there when the world fails one of us.”

He cupped Tyler’s ass and winked. “But mostly fuck.”

I rolled my eyes. “How romantic.”

“You want romantic?”

I nodded emphatically.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. “I love you. I never stopped for one second, not

the entire time we were apart. I never thought I could love anyone else.” His eyes passed over

Tyler and back to me. “Tyler proves me wrong every day. And I know that when I say I love

him, you understand because you love him too. No matter what anyone says or does, that will

never change.”

I couldn’t break away from his gaze, dark and intense, and I had to remind myself to

breathe. “Wow…just wow. I only wish Tyler was awake to hear it too.”

Jamie pointed down, and I followed his finger to find Tyler, mostly awake and sheepishly

waving at me.

I laughed. “You little bastard. How long have you been listening?”

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Kerry Freeman

“A while.” He wiggled, managing to brush both his lovers’ cocks with each movement. “I

thought for sure I’d give it away when Jamie grabbed my ass.”

Jamie reached around and grabbed my hips, bringing us all closer. “Okay, no more ass

grabs or hip wiggling or cock teasing.” He smacked Tyler’s ass when he whined. “And no

whining. Let’s get in a quick nap and shower so I can take you to this new restaurant I found.”

Tyler reached behind him and pulled Jamie toward him. “You didn’t say anything about

kissing.”

I kissed his jaw. “Leave it to you to find a loophole.”

We yanked Jamie over until he was between us, and the three of us kissed and touched and

held each other until we finally fell asleep.

What We Deserve

131

Chapter Seventeen

When Jamie first suggested this, I thought it was an awesome idea. Standing in the waiting

area of the tattoo studio, however, I wasn’t so sure.

I leaned back into Tyler’s embrace. “How bad did you say this would hurt?”

Jamie looked over the various designs stapled to the wall. “Not gonna lie, baby. It’ll hurt

like hell.”

“And why are we doing this again?”

Tyler kissed the shell of my ear. “Because you’ll agree to anything while we’re sucking

your cock.”

A short, pierced woman behind the counter laughed at me. Apparently, not only was I the

only one the least little bit concerned about this, but I was also a source of amusement for

everyone. I wondered how funny they’d all think it was when I screamed like a chick in a horror

movie and scared off all the other customers.

A tall, burly man with full tattooed sleeves appeared from the back of the studio. “Hey,

James.” He smiled and waved as Jamie walked to the counter. “Good to see you again. I see you

rounded up the whole gang this time.”

Jamie chuckled and handed him a sheet of paper. “Yep, some are less enthusiastic about it

today than others. We’ve finally got a design worked out, though.”

The man thoughtfully examined the paper. “A trefoil knot. Nice.”

Tyler’s chest puffed out. “Thanks.”

The woman leaned against the man and placed her hand over his on the paper. “What’s a

trefoil knot?”

He traced the design with their joined hands. “It’s the simplest nontrivial knot.”

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Kerry Freeman

When the woman rolled her eyes at the man, Tyler released me and moved forward to

point at the design. “It means it’s a knot that impossible to untie without cutting it. And see the

three different colors? At each crossing, all three colors are present.”

The man smiled at the woman. “See what you’d know if you majored in math like I did?”

She shook her head and waved us back. “Get him back there, fellas, before I have to smack

him around again.”

We followed the man to a back room, where he started to gather everything he’d need for

our tattoos. Gloves. Needles. Ink. Small cups to pour the inks into. More and more things were

assembled, and then he sat to create our final design. After a few minutes, he held it up for our

approval. Once we agreed, he made three copies on thermal paper.

“Okay, who’s my first victim?” he asked with a sly smile.

As our tattooist waited, I turned to look at Tyler and Jamie. Everything I was, everything

I’d ever be was wrapped up in the bright hazel and deep brown eyes that stared back at me. I

wanted a mark—a permanent, tangible sign—that I would belong to them forever.

Tyler and Jamie looked stunned when I stripped off my shirt and planted myself in the

chair. “Me. And I want it right here.” I tapped my chest. “Over my heart.”

When the buzz of the needle began, I tensed, and both my men moved to soothe me. Jamie

stood at my head, running his fingers through my hair, while Tyler sat to my right and held my

hand tight. The needle bit into my flesh, and I looked between them.

“You have to know I love you both now,” I said through gritted teeth.

Jamie smiled and kissed my forehead. “There was never any doubt.”

Tyler kissed my palm and placed it on his cheek. “None at all.”

Loose Id Titles by Kerry Freeman

What We Deserve

Kerry Freeman

I live in Alabama with my husband and two socially awkward dogs. A tomboy and a geek

from way back, I have a day job but dream that I will one day write full time. I have a weakness

for yaoi, Japanese stationery, YA fiction, and ginger-haired soul singers from Britain. I own an

impressive T-shirt collection. Nowaki & Hiroki are my homeboys.

Find out more about Kerry Freeman by visiting her Web site,

http://kerryfreeman.com

, or

checking out her blogs:

http://kerry-freeman.blogspot.com

and

http://thebookbunnies.com

Document Outline

Dedication
Journal Entry
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Loose Id Titles by Kerry Freeman
Kerry Freeman

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