DRUNKONLOVE

ARomanticComedy

S.L.SCOTT

S.L.Scott

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ISBN:978-1-940071-44-2

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Foralltheloversandthedreamers,thepeppermintmochas,andthecoffeecreamers.Ihopeyouenjoy

thisromanticcomedyasmuchasIenjoyedwritingit.

PROLOGUE

Blondes.

Vodkasoda.

Brunettes.

RumandCoke.

Redheads.

AmarettoSour.

Highlights.

Mojito.

Lowlights.

Beer.

Braids.

Margaritas.

Buns.

Ginandtonic.

Bobs.

MoscowMules.

Long.

Champagne.

Short.

Tequilashots.

Shoulder-length.

SexontheBeach.

CHAPTERONE

sadude,who’snotahairdresser,Iknowtoomuchaboutwomen’shair.Butinmylineofwork,
it’sabonus.IcancallitthesecondIseethem.OnequickglanceandIknowawomansporting

bangsandlonglayersisgoingtowantsomethingstrongliketheyare,butindependentandfree-
spiritedliketheywishtheywere.I’dwageronaWhiskeySour.

Nomatterwhattheirhairstyle,theonethingallwomenhaveincommonissex.Yup,sex.You

mightsaythatsoundstrite,evenobvious,butit’strue.There’sabasicneed,adesirethattheright
cocktailwiththerightopportunityattherighttimecanrelease,makingthemostputtogetherwoman
comeundone.

Backtome,whichishowIlikeit,thatandagoodbobonmyknob.I’mtheowner,HardyRichard.

Hencethenameabovethedoor—Hardy’sHideaway,wherecocktailsareservedalongsideagood
helpingofcocktales.SureIcouldhavegonefortheobvious,butDick’swasalreadytaken.The
ownerofthatbarafewblocksfromheredoesn’tevenseetheironyinhisname.Ido,andIownevery
inchofmyiron.

TuckeddownastreetneartheBrooklynBridge,theHideawayattractsnotjustManhattanitesbut

localstoo.Theclientelechangesoften,eachnightbringingaparadeofthelonely,thecontent,the
happy,thesad,thepartiers,andtheovert.Womenineveryshapeandsizefrequentmybarlookingfor
agoodtimewiththeirboyfriends,girlfriends,husbands,wives,partners,significantothers,regular
hookups,andstrangers.

They’reallhereforthesamereasons—agoodtimeandagreatfuck.TheHideawayishappyto

provideboth.Ourcustomersareleftsatisfiedbecausewe’remorethanjustbartenders.We’re
therapists.We’relifecoaches.We’reteachers.We’relovers.We’resexualhealers.Here,underthe
dimlights,we’regods.Myteamisgifted,leavingourpatronssmilingandwantingmore.Wordof
mouthhasworkeditswayaroundthefiveboroughsandbusinessisbooming.Ourmottoisthreefold.
Thecustomerisalwaysright,theyalwayscome,andtheyalwayscomeback.Goalswestrivefor
nightafternight.

We’renotparticularlyhiddenbeingacornerbar,butonceyoucrossthatthreshold,thisisaplace

whereyougettobewhoyouarewhenyou’realone,thepersonyouwanttobe,abetterversionof
yourself.Nooneherejudges.Ilovewatchingthetransformationthroughouttheevening.Theycome
inhereafterworkoralongdayrunningarounddoingwhatunsupervisedwomendo,whetherthatbe
—playingmommytothebroodathomeortothemanpayingthembigbucks—thisistheirescape,
wheretheycongregatetowinddown.

Iwipedownthebartopandthrownewcoastersdownfortheafterhappyhourcrowd.Wecallit

thesecondwave.Ilookupjustasadarkbrunettestandsafootbackanalyzingtheliquorbottleslined
upagainstthemirrorbehindme.Everystrandisperfectlyinplaceandpulledbacksotautitlooks

professionallystyled.Gimlet.She’sholdingontoherdesignerpurselikewe’reinahouseofthieves.
Shedoesn’trealizeityet,buttheonlythingwe’relookingtostealisthattightlywoundgoodgirl
imageshe’sprojecting.I’dlovetoseeherlipsticksmearedoutsideherlinedlips.Ibetshehasasolid
handfulofhairtopulltoo.Afterwards,Iwouldn’tletherputitbackup.I’dmakeherwalkoutofhere
freshlyfuckedwithherhairdown,loosearoundhershoulders.She’dfeeltoogoodtocarehowshe
looked.Toocrude?Ishouldstartwithherfirstdrink.“WhatcanIgetyou?”

“Gimlet.”
It’salmosttooeasy.Wonderifsheis.
“Comingrightup.”AndboyamI.Igrabaglassfromthecoolerandgoforthechilledgin—top

shelf,likeher.Mygazerelisheshercurvesshe’stryingtohidebehindthatexpensive,butunflattering
suit.Charcoalgray.Sheshouldnevertrytolooklikeamanwhenshe’soneofthemostbeautiful
womenI’veeverseen.Iwon’tmakehercompeteinaman’sworld.I’llshowhershecanbeincharge
whileIhavehersubmittingtome.Soundslikeanoxymoron,buttrustme,Iknowwhatshereally
needs.Atleastwhenitcomestothebarorthebedroom.

Ortheoffice.
Orthebackroom.
Orthebathroom.
Hell,I’llfuckherontopofthisbarifthat’swhatgetsheroff.
IpourRose’sLimeJuice,squeezefreshlime,andginintoashaker.Withmyarmsabovemyright

shoulder,Ishake.Keepingmyeyesonher,shelooksup,watchingtheshakerheldinmyhands.“I’m
Hardy,”Iintroducemyself.

“AsinHardy’sHideaway?”
“Theveryone.”Ipourherdrinkintothemartiniglassandaddasliceoflimetothelip.“What’s

yourname?”

“Constance.”
Holdingmyhandout,sheslipshersintomine.Shedoesn’thaveto,butIknowit’scoming.Her

gripbeginstocompete.It’sacontrolissueI’mhappytohelpwithandrelinquishtoher.“Constanceis
aprettyname.”

Herfingerssmoothhairthat’salreadysmoothed,hergazedippingawayasembarrassmentcolors

hercheeks.Nowthisisunexpected.Iwantmore.Iwanttowatchthatblushspreadacrossherbare
chestwhensheridesmeandthendownherspinewhenItakeherfrombehind.Andbeforeyougetall
riledupoverthesextalk,youshouldknowIenjoysex.Iliketomakelove.Ilovetofuck.Ilikethe
foreplay.Ienjoytheafterplay.Alittlecuddlingisgoodafterarompinthesack.Kissesarefineas
longasemotionsarekeptatbay.I’mnotbroken.I’mnotrecoveringfromheartbreak,andI’mnot
piningoveralostlove.Nope.Ijustlikethesimpleactofconnectingwithanotherhumanonarawand
carnallevel.Iliketheeuphoriaofhittingthatpeakandthentumblingdownintoastateofsatiation
withbonesofjellyandamindfreefromdailytroubles.Ilikegivingthatsamefreedomtowomen
whoseemtostruggletofindit.

SoIdon’tneedalectureonhowI’mheartless.I’mnot.I’vebeeninrelationshipsandthey’rejust

notforme.ButIstillenjoybondingphysicallywithwomen.Manywomen.

Sittingdownonabarstool,shewrapsherfingersaroundthestemoftheglass.Iwatchasshetakes

herfirstsip,hereyesdippingclosed.Blisslingersonherlips,glisteningagainstherpinotnoir
coloredmouth.Hertongueslipsouttotastethetartliquid.Long,darklashesliftandshesays,“It’s
perfect.”

“That’swhatIstrivefor.”
“Youshouldstriveforsomethingmoretangible.”
“Don’tunderestimatetheperfectionofagoodcocktail.”

Holdingherdrinkup,shesays,“Touché.”Aftertakingadeepersipthistime,shesmilessweetly,

butmischievously.“Youhavecustomers,Hardy.”

Ilikethewayshesaysmyname,anupswingontheending.Ican’twaittohearittwooctaves

higherrollingoffhertongue.“Justwhistleifyouneedme.”

Nodding,shetendstothephonethatlightsupinfrontofher.Ileaveherbe,tendingtotheother

ladieslookingforlove,ordrinks.“WhatcanIgetyou?”

Lightblond.Fake—prettymucheverything,butit’sworkingforher.“Areyouavailable?”
“Areyouaskingforyou,orforafriend?”
Shebitesherlowerlip,leavingtracksinherbrightpinklipstick.I’vehadthatshadewrapped

aroundmycockbefore.I’mfeelingsomethingmoodiertonight—tobespecific—pinotnoir.Ipurse
mylips,andthensmile.“Unfortunately,Ihavealongshiftaheadofme.”

“Iheardrumorsaboutyourlongshaft.”Shecovershermouthwithherhandandgiggles.“Imean,

shift.”Herflirtingislacking,butsheseemsniceenough.“GuessI’moutoflucktonight.”

“I’mstillserving,ifyou’rethirsty.”
Dragginghertongueoverherbottomlip,shereplies,“Sothirsty.Icouldjustguzzleyoudown.”
Mycockstirs.
There’sapointintheevening,earlyon,likenow,justaftersevenwhenIliketofuck.I’mnotsure

ifit’stheexcitementofwhat’stocomeforthenight,hopefullyme,orthethoughtofopportunity
presentingitself.Butalmosteveryshift,mylittlebuddybecomesmyhardasarockfriendandis
easilytemptedthefirstchancehegets.I’velearnedtocurbthecraving.Imaylikesex,alot,butI’m
noteasy.“Somethingtodrink?”

“SexontheBeach.”Puresugar.Nosubtlety.Likethewomaninfrontofme.
I’vehadsexwithtwowomen—togetherandseparately—inthesamenight.I’mnotashamedofmy

sexualhistoryormysexdrive.I’mhappytopleaseandbepleasured.LikeIsaid,it’spartofwhat
makesushumanandconnectsusonadeeperlevel.ButifIwastocompare,I’minthemoodfor
spiciernoteswithmoredepth.TonightI’dratherhaveonestrongdrinkthanaslewofcheapones.I
mayhavegottenConstance’sdrinkorderrightbutIcalleditallwrongwhenitcametoher.Imust
remedythis,andnotwithcandy-coatedfruitpunchdrinks.

Iplacethedrinkinfrontofher,andthenslidedowntotheotherendofthebar.Istopinfrontof

Constance,someoneIconsideratopshelfamongcalldrinks.“Readyforanother?”

Theglassisemptiedandpushedtowardme.“Ineedtocloseout.”
“What?”No.“Leavingsosoon?”
“Mydatecancelled,soI’mgoingtocallitanightandgohome.”
“Stay.Drinksonme.”Literally,ifI’mlucky.
ShesmilesandifI’mnotmistaken,she’sabouttotakemeuponmyoffer.LookingatwhatI

suspectisthetimeonherphone,sheacquiesces.“Okay,maybeonemore.”I’mgettingacleanglass
beforethewordsleavehermouth,andask,“Boyfriend?”

“Who?”
“Thechumpwhostoodyouup.Isheyourboyfriend?”
“Idon’tthinkI’veheardthewordchumpusedinpersonorever.”
“Eh,Iwasbeingpolite.AssholeiswhatIwasreallythinking.”
WhileIshakethefreshcocktail,shelaughsalittle,thenwithmelancholytaintingourgoodtime,

shesays,“No,he’snotmyboyfriend.Iwish.Thisisthesecondtimewe’vetriedtogettogetherand
he’scancelled.”

“Asshole.”
“Lawyer.”
“Samething.”Shelaughslouderthistime,andIlikethesoundofit.Wantingtoseehersmile

more,Isay,“Don’twishonfallingstars.Wishonrisingsuns.There’smorehopetobefoundthere.”

“That’sbeautiful.”
“You’rebeautiful.He’safoolforstandingyouup.”
Ifillthemartiniglass,thenbecauseIfindhersodamnattractivesittingtherewithherheart

investedinsomethingitshouldn’t,Isuggest,“Ihavethispremiumginyoushouldtry.”

Tappingtheglass,sheeyesit.“Ifit’snotinhere,whyareyouholdingbackthegoodstuff?”
IspendmoretimethanIprobablyshouldwithherwhenIknowthereareotherswaitingondrinks.

“Nextone.Ipromise.”

“I’mgoingtoholdyoutothat.”Shetakestheglassandsips.“Mmmm.Youareaverytalented

bartender.”

“Bartending’snotmyonlytalent.”
Restingherchinonherhand,hereyebrowsrise.“Ohreally?”
Constanceisquitetheconundrum.AGimletGirlneverblusheslikeshejustdid.Thenforherto

turnaroundandspeakwordsinseductivepurrs.She’samysteryIwanttounravel.

UnfortunatelymynameisbeingcalledbacktotendtoSexontheBeach.SinceInevertoldhermy

nameandshe’susingitlikeshe’sgotstockinit,I’mguessingmyreputationbroughtherintonight.
I’mnotsurewhat’skeepingherherethoughaftermakingitclearit’sano-go.ItellConstance,“I’llbe
back.”Itapthebartopandwalkbackdowntotheotherend.“Youreadytocloseyourtab?”

Shelooksoffended.“No.Iwashopingforanother.”
“Surething.”
“Yes,Iam.”
“Iappreciatetheoffer,”Isay,pouringthedrinkstraightoutofthepremixedbatchImadeearlier.

“ButI’mgonnahavetopasstonight.”Firmandclear.

Sheshrugs.“Noproblem.NowthatIknowwherethisplaceis,I’llbeback.”
Isetthedrinkdownandbusymyselfwithothercustomers.Ithoughtthiswouldbeaslower

Monday,butapparentlythewholecitydecidedtostopintonight.

CHAPTERTWO

heHideawayispacked.Ilookoutataseaofprettypeopleandsmile.Itwillbeagoodnightfor
business.Itwillbeagreatnightforhookups.I’vegotEddieandWillworkingbehindthebar

withmetokeepupwithorders.

InoticeanemptyglassafewbarstoolsdownandmakesureI’mtheonethatfillsit.“Howareyou

doing,Constance?”

“TheGimletsaregreat.”Hermoodhasimprovedsignificantly,andIlikethewayshe’slookingat

me.

She’sfunny.“Howaboutyou?”
“Feeling...crowdedin.”Sheglancesoverhershoulderbeforereturninghereyestomewhilea

fingerrunsoverthetopoftheglass.“I’vebeenthinkingthatImightlikeatasteofthatginyou
mentionedearlier.”

“Icanarrangethat,”Ireply,gettingcloserandmakingsureonlyshehearsme.“Wehavearule

hereatTheHideawaythough.”

Leaningin,sheasks,“What’sthat?”
“Wekeepthegoodstuffintheback.”
Asmileticklesherlipsandagiggleslipsout.“AmIallowedbackthere?I’dhatetogetyouin

troublewiththeboss.”

Fuuuuck.She’splayingagamewithme.IknewIlikedher.“Couldberisky.”It’sgoodtobethe

bossrightnow.

Slidingoffthestool,shegrabsherpurse,andsays,“Risksarejustdaresyouwerebraveenough

totake.Areyoubraveenoughtotakeme,Hardy?”

“Icantakeyou.”Overmyknee.Frombehind.Sprawledoutacrossmydesk.Againsttheliquor

locker.Mycockpingsagainstmyjeans,andIshoutbehindme,“Coverme,Eddie.”

“Gotchacovered.”HeeyesConstanceandgivesmealookofapproval.
ItossmytowelinthecornerbeforeIwalkaroundandholdoutmyelbowforhertotake.Her

slenderfingerswraparoundmyarmandwewalkthroughthecrowdtowardthehallthatleadstothe
offices.Adoorispushedopenandthecrowdsandmusicfadebehindus.Isay,“Rightdownhere.”I
pullmykeysoutandunlockthedoor.Lettinghergofirst,shestepsinandlooksaroundthelarge
space.“It’sbig.”

“Youhaven’tseenanythingyet.”
Withalaugh,sheleansherfineassagainstthedeskandIcan’tsayIdisapproveofthis—herass

onmydesk.Mydickisstartingtoache.“You’reverygoodwiththeinnuendoes.”

“I’mgoodwithalotofthings.Wantmetoshowyou?”
Allthebravadothatshecarriedinherestartstosink.“Idon’tdothis.”

That’sokay.I’mkindoflikingthebanterenoughtocontinue,“Dowhat,Constance?Tastegood

gin?”

Hersmileisback,butit’saweakerversionoftheonethatlitupthebarearlier.Herhandwaves

betweenus.“This.Didyoumakethatlastdrinkstronger?”

“Despitewhatyoumightthink,Idon’tgetwomendrunktogetlaid.Idon’thaveto.”
“I’msorry.Ididn’tmean—”
Movingin,Itakeholdofherflailinghands,andstillthem,hopingtoreassureher.“It’sokay.

You’renervous.Igetit.Wedon’thavetodoanythingbuttastesomegintogether.Wouldyoulike
that?”

Sheblowsoutabreath,andnods.“I’dlikethat,butnotmuch.I’mfeelinglightheaded.”
Ourbodiesareclose,herkneesagainstmylegs.“Wecandothisanothertime.”
Whenshelooksupatme,Icanseethetrustinhereyes.“Iwanttobehere.”
“Okay.Beherewithme.”Notaquestion.Arequest.
Hervoicesoftens,herbodyfollowingsuit.“DidyouknowI’dendupbackhere?”
“No.Butitdoesn’tchangethefactthatIhopedyouwould.”
Hersmilegrowsandshestands.Givingmeoneeasysearchoftheeyes,shemovesandIstep

back,lettingherwalkaroundtheofficefreely.“Thisplacemustseealotofaction?”

“Itdoes.”Honest.Noapologies.
Anamusedscoffwhipsthroughherlips.“You’rekindofarrogant.”
“You’reverypretty.”
Theshynessfromearlierreturns,butshepretendstoownthecompliment.Forsomeoneas

beautifulassheis,Iwouldthinkcomplimentsarecommonplace,butbyherreaction,Igetthefeeling
shedoesn’treceivemany.Tappingthetopofthedesk,sheasks,“Howmuchactionhasthisdesk
seen?”

“Toomuch.”Honest.Noapologies.
Sheturns,soIgiveherspaceandretrievetheginfromtheliquorlocker.Touchingthechair,she

asks,“Howaboutthischair?”

“Morethanthedesk.”Honest.Noapologies.WhenIhavethebottleinhand,Iwaggleitforherto

see.“Gotit.”

Constanceiskeepingherselfentertainedbytryingtofindasurfacethathasn’tbeenfuckedon,

under,orover.“Theloveseat?”

“Ican’teventalkaboutthedeviantactsthathavetakenplacethere.”Honest.Noapologies.
“Deviant?I’mveryintrigued.”
ItaketheshotsIjustpouredandhandherone.“Themostbaselinesexualactsyoucanthinkofand

I’vedonetheminthisroom.”Honest.Noapologies.

“Willyoudomeinthisroom?”
Surprisedbyherinitiative,myattentionlandsfirmlyonher.“Mypleasureisyourpleasure.”
Shesipstheginshotandsetsitonthedesk.“That’sgood.SmootherthanIexpected.Howabout

you?”

“I’llletyoudeterminethat.”Ishoottheshotandsettheglassdown.“Takeoffyourjacket,

Constance.”

Withhereyeslatchedontomine,sheletsthejacketslidedownthearmsofherhotpinksilkyshirt.

Beingcarefulnottowrinkleit,shehangsitoverthebackofoneofthechairs.“Nowwhat?”

“Why’dyoucometoTheHideawaytonight?”TheGimletspeaksforher.“Mycollegeroommate

hasknownyousincethesummer.KatieO’Dowd.”

Thenamebringsbackmemories,memoriesI’mprobablyokaynotrecalling.“KatieO’Dowd.I

rememberher.Ifuckedherinthebathroom.Shelikedthedoorunlockedsopeoplecouldwalkinand

seeus.”

“That’swhatshesaid.”
“Isthatwhatyou’reinto?Doyouliketobewatched?”
“No.Idon’tknow.Idon’tthinkso.Whataboutyou?”
ThestammeringisaclearsignI’vetouchedonsomethingthatmakesheruncomfortable.Iattempt

togetherbackontrack.“Notreally.Whatbroughtyouhere?”

“Adate,likeIsaidearlier.”
“No,”Isay,“Whydidyoucometothisbartonight?”
“Katie.Shemademepromisetostopbyandjustseewherethenightwent.”Ahintofsomething

hidesinhertonewhenshespeaks.

“Doyouregretcoming?”Iwalkaroundher,eyeinghertowatchherreaction.
“Ihaven’tcomeyet.”She’sgotspirit.Ilikeherwit.“I’llletyouknowifIregretitlater.“
“Tellme,Constance.Whatdoyouwantmetodotoyou?”Myshoulderispressedtothefrontof

hersaswefaceoppositedirections.Withmylipstoherear,Iwhisper,“Whatgetsyouoff?”

HerlipspartandIthinkshe’sgoingtospeak,butshesucksinaraggedbreathinstead.Keeping

hereyesforward,shereleasesit.

Iplaceasmall,andlightkissjustunderherearlobe.Herneckistiltedaway,openingheruptome.

Iask,“Whatisyourpleasure?”

“I’mnotsure.”
“Youdon’tknowwhatyoulike?”
Shelicksherlips,thenasifshe’sconfessingadarksecret,replies,“Iknowwhatfeelsgood.”
“Tellmewhatmakesyoufeelgood,Constance.”
“Beingtouched.”
Placingmyhandonherthigh,Iteaseher.“Likethat?Doesthatfeelgood?”
Hersmallsmilekillsmeinthebestofways.“Itdoes,but—”
“Butwhat?”Ikissherneckagain,andthenslidethebridgeofmynoseagainsther,takingina

deepbreath.Richvanillacoatsherskin.She’sabsolutelyedible.Hershynessisanaphrodisiac.My
cockreacting—hard,athrobburiedwithinbuilding.ImovemyhandhigherandwhenIcupherpussy
Ihearthesofthitchinherbreathing.

“That.Iwanttobetouchedthere.”
“Touchedorlickedoreaten?Tellmeexactlywhatyouwant,baby.”
Herlidsflutterclosedandsheleansbackopeninglikeaflowerforme.“Iwantyourhandson

me.”

“Myhandisonyou,”Ichallenge,wantinghertosayit.“Vocalizeit.Ownit.Giveintothatcarnal

sideIknowliesjustbeneaththisfancysuityouwearasarmoreveryday.”Iscrapemyteethacrossthe
baseofherneckwhileIrubgentlybetweenherlegs.“Here,betweenthesewalls,withme,youcan
dropyourshield.”

“Inme.”Likeaflurryfromthesky,thewordsfallfromherlips,“Inme.Deepinsideme.Iwant

youtomakemecome.”

Therightsideofmymouthquirksup.“You’resofuckingsexy,Constance.”Myfingersaredeft,

herbeltopened,thepantsunbuttoned,andthezipperdown.

Shewatchesthefrenzy,keepinghereyesfocusedbelowherwaist.“Goslow.It’sbeenawhile.”
Myhandsstall.WhenIlookup,acontradictionisladeninhereyes.Innocencecominglesinthe

brightestgreens,whichissounexpectedfromawomanwhowearsapowersuit.“Howlong?”

Thepinkthathighlightshercheeksisn’tfromshynessthistime,butembarrassment.Ihateiton

her.

“Youhavenothingtobeashamedof.”

“Iseveryoneyou’rewith...”Shelooksaroundwhilebuildinghercourage.Whenhergaze

returnstomine,shefinishes,“Experienced?”

Yes.“No,”Iliesoshedoesn’twitherbeforeme.She’ssobeautifulwhenshe’sblooming.Taking

eachwordintocarefulconsiderationandusingherchosenone,Iask,“Areyouexperienced?”

“Notfully,”sheconfesses.
Narrowingmyeyesather,Iprobe,“Notfullyasinnnnn...”
HervoiceissoquietIbarelyhearherwhenshesays,“Notalltheway.”
Virgin!Itrytokeepmyeyesfrombulging.Ididn’tknowtherewerevirginsinNewYork.She’s

likeaunicorn.ArainbowunicornthatshitsSkittles.Amyth.Anurbanlegend.Damn.She’savirgin.
JustWow.IwanttoaskhowsheheldontothatVcardforthislong,butatthesametime,I’mso
fuckingturnedonthatsheseemstotrustmewithitthatI’mleftperplexedoverhowthisnightshould
go.There’snowayI’mbendingheroverlikethisisjustanyothernight.It’snotforher,andI’m
startingtothinkit’snotformeeither.“Somaybewedon’thavesex.”Assheswallowsmywords,I
zipherpantsbackup,andshebuttonsthemclosedwhilelookingdisappointed.Iask,“Doyouliketo
dance?”

“Yes.”
There’sthatprettygirlagain.KnowingI’veputheratease,Irubthebackofmyfingersoverher

cheek.“Let’sstarttherethen.”

“Okay.”
Ipullmyphonefrommypocketandflipthroughmyplaylists.Seductionistoosultry.HardFuck

istoo,well,hard.LotsofNineInchNailsonthatplaylist.Scrollingdown,IfindmyTakeYourTime
playlist.ThisisactuallyoneIlistentowhenI’mathomeandtryingtowinddownafteralongshift.
I’veneverplayeditforawoman.Itmakesmefeelunsteady,butsheopeneduptome,soIfeelsafeto
shareaprivatesideofmyselfwithher.

Thefirstsongstartsplayingthroughthespeakeronthefilingcabinetandhersmilegrows.“Ilove

thissong,”shesaysmuchmoreatease,hershouldersrelaxing.

Takingherhandinmine,Iputmyotheronherhipandslideituptoherwaist.“Dancewithme,

Constance.”Ourbodiesareflush,herbreastsrisingandfallingagainstmychest.Whenwestartto
sway,herbreathingpicksup.Ipressmycheektohertempleandwemovetogether.Iclosemyeyes
andgetlostinthefeelofherandthemusic.Ourbreathistheonlysoundbetweenus.Ourheartsbeat,
thethumpfelthardinmychest.“You’resobeautiful.”

Sheleansfartherintome.Reachingup,Ipullthesilverclipthat’sholdingherperfectlyinplace

hair,andtossitontothedesk.Herhaircomestumblingdownoverhershouldersburyingmynosein
hersoftlocks.Istay,notwantingtomoveaway.

Intimacyisnotmyspecialty.It’snotsomethingIcraveorneed.Ihaveagoodlife.I’mhappy.A

successfulbusiness.IhavegreatfriendsandI’mclosetomyfamily.Butthisfeelsgood.Beingthis
closetoher,feelinghernervessoftenheredgesasshemoldstome—Ilikethis.Maybetoomuch.

CHAPTERTHREE

anillaisnowmyalltimefavoritescent,darkbrunettewithaheavydoseofmidnightmixedin,
andapinkthatremindsmeofaroséwineIdiscoveredatawineryinSonomalastsummer.

Constance—mynewfavoritename.

Iknowshecanfeelhowhardmybodyis,andI’mnotreferringtotheaborbicepmusclesI’ve

workedhardtoachieve.She’spoliteenoughnottosayanything,andifI’mnotmistaken,shemight
havemovedcloser.Constancemighthaveanaughtysideafterall.Ican’tresistheranylonger.Ikiss
thebackofherjawandshebendsaway,givingmemoreaccess.MytonguetracestheoutlineandI
pressmylipstoherskinagain,thistimegentlysucking.Iwhisper,“Howdoyoufeelabout
kissing?”“Ilike,”shestarts,thenclearsherthroat.“Ilikekissing.”

“GoodbecauseIreallywanttokissyourightnow.”Itakepossessionofherlipsjustassheopens

hermouthtospeakagain.Herheatedbreathcoatsmytongueasitpeeksouttorunalongtheinsideof
herupperlip.

Thesweetestoflittlemoansdriftsfromherlipswhenwepart.Hereyesremainclosed,asmall

smileonhermouth,andasatisfiedreleaseofbreathisheard.Ikissthecornerofhermouthand
whisper,“Openyoureyes,beautiful.”

Whenshedoes,thesmileisstillthere.“You’reaverygoodkisser.”
Holdinghandswithher,Ireply,“Soareyou.”Ichucklelookingdownandrubmythumbovermy

bottomlip.Bitingit,Ilookup,nowsuddenlyfeelingshy—sounlikemethatItakeamomenttotake
herin.Whatisitaboutherthathasmeoffmygame?Ishakemyheadjustenoughtoshakesome
senseintomyself.“Iwanttokissyouagain.”

“Whydoesitsoundlikeaquestion?”
“BecauseifIdo,Imightnotstopwithakiss.”
“Thendon’tstopwithakiss.”
Backinthegame,Irunmyfingersintoherhairandgripthebackofherhead.“Ohbaby,you

don’tevenknowwhatyou’vedone.”

“Tellme.”
“HowaboutIshowyouinstead?”
Onenod.Instantpermissiontomakeherfeelsogoodshewon’tstopthinkingaboutthisnightfor

months.Ourmouthscrashtogetherandourtonguesbegintoembraceeachother.Withherhandson
mywaist,Itakethemandslidethemovermychestandaroundmyneck.“Holdontome.”

AssoonasIfeelherholdonmetighten,Ispinhertothesideandmoveherquicklybackagainst

thewallwiththedryeraseboard.HerhairmessesupthetallytheguysandIhadgoing,butIdon’t
giveadamn.Shetastestoogoodandfeelsevenbetter.

Anothermoanrushesoutandshesquirmsagainstme.Mycockbeginsstrainingagainstmyjeans.

ShemightbethehardestfuckingthingI’veevertempted,tortured,orteasedmyselfwith.Goddamnit.
Ipopthebuttonofherpantsandmyhandisdippingbelowthewaistbandbeforethezipperisdown.
“Sogood,baby.I’mgoingtomakeyoucomeallovermyhandandscreamthelord’snamewhile
doingit.”

Herbodymovesinfluidwavesagainstme,againstmyhand,beggingmetotakeher.“Hardy,”

comesoutasacurseandablessing.

Flickingsweetafflictions,Iravageherneckwithmymouth.“Sofuckingsexy.Sayitagain.”
Thistimeit’sevenbreathier.“Hardy.”
Igiveherwhatherbodycravesandridemyfingersthoughherslickness,partingher.She’swet,

warm,sofuckingfreewithmeandthat’sallittakesformythrobbingtoampupanotherlevel.Ipress
againsthertofindsomerelief.Mydickisafuckingtorpedoimpededbydenim.Fuck.Idon’tknow
howI’mgoingtosurvivethisencounterifIcan’tsinkdeepintohertightheat.

Avirgin,Iremindmyself.Shedeservesmorethanhairusedasaneraserandawallfuckforher

firsttime.Avirgin.Ididn’tseethatonecoming...coming,yes,butnotcoming.Sheorderedthat
Gimletlikeaseasonedpro.MaybeI’mgettingsickandmysex-darisoff.

“Hardy,Iwantyou.”
MynamepullsmebacktothemomentandIadjustmyhand.“Ishouldgoslow,”Ireplymorefor

myselfthanher.

Sheliftshigheronhertoesandpushesherpantsopenforme.“No.Faster.Youcantouchme.I’m

notdelicate.Iwon’tbreak.”

“I’mnotworriedaboutbreakingyou,sweetheart.I’mworriedabouttheexcruciatinglyrockhard

woodyI’llbesportingtherestofthenight.”

Adevilishgrinappearsandshesays,“Thenletmehelpyou.”
I’mnotonetosaynotoagenerousofferanditdamnwellbeatsmebeatingofflatertothe

memoriesofhowhermouthformsthislittle“O”justbelowthebowofherupperlip.

Myjeansareunbuttoned,myflyunzipped,mycockfreed.“Holy—”Shegasps.
Normallywhenawomangasps,I’dworry,butIgetthisalotwhenBigRichardcomesouttoplay.

Withatwitch,hegreetsher,practicallyjumpingintoherhand.Doit.Grabme,heentices.Badboy.

Herhandwrapsaroundmeandsheslidesuptothetipandbackdown.“Yourhandfeelssogood

wrappedaroundmycock.”Whenhereyeslifttolookintomine,Iputmylipstoherear,andwhisper,
“Ican’twaittohavemoreofyouaroundme.”Andthere’sthatlittlehitchIwantedtohear.“Not
tonight,butsoon.You’llcomebackandseeme.”Whatthefuck?DidIjusttalkaboutthefuturewitha
woman?WonderifIhaveafever?

Igetbacktothebusinessathand,thebusinessofmakinghercome.Movingmyhanddeeper

betweenherdelicatefolds,Iteaseherentrance.Herhandonmetightens—Bingo.Onefingersinks
deepinside,herwarmwallsengulfing.“HolyJackfuckingDaniels.”

Herlipsareagainstmyjaw,herbreathcomingoutinquickpants.Hergriparoundmyneck

bringsherclosertomeandIcan’twait.Ihavenofuckingpatiencewhenitcomestoherandtheway
shewigglesagainstme.Ipushanotherfingerinslowly,andleanbacktowatchher.Thebackofher
throatisrevealedandmymindisspinning.

I’mgoingtoexplodesoon.Thiswomanisdrivingmenutswithhowgoodthisfeelsandwe’re

onlymakingout.Liketwoteenagers.Mycorestartstowind,tighteningunderherministrations.With
mythumb,Ifindherclitandshebucksforward.Onetouchandshe’sthatsensitive.God,Imightbe
fallinginlove.Whatthefuckiswrongwithme?

Shit.BigRichardbucksonhisownaccord.“Damn,baby.I’mclose.”NowI’mtheonethatsounds

allbreathy.Thecoilgetseventighter.I’mabouttospringtolife,butI’vegottogetherofffirst.
Thrustinggently,Istarttofuckherwithmyfingers,myhipsarepressedagainsther,trappingour

handsbetweenus.Ihavenofuckingself-control.Thisisinsane.Insanelyamazing.

Ourhandsareinsync,ourbodiesbeggingforrelease,andthenthebackofherheadhitsthe

boardbehindherandmynamecomestrippingfromherlipsrightafterGodandsandwichedbetween
anorgasmthatsetsmineinmotion.

“Fuck.Ohbaby.Yes,Constance.Fuck.Yes.”Ribbonsspurt,coveringmystomachandmyshirtasI

vanishintothebrightlightsofthedarkblissfulabyss.

WhenIopenmyeyes,hersopenjustaslanguidly.ThepinkthatIcouldbecomesoeasily

accustomedtohasspreadtoherneckandcollarboneandthetipsofherears.Ituckmyselfbackinand
withmyfreehand,touchhercheek,andleanmyforeheadagainsthers.“You’restunning.”

Shesmilesandasoftlaughticklesmymouth.Ipartmylipswantingmore,wantingtoinhaleher

deepinside.Slowly,Islidemyhandfreeandshereleasesme.Lookingdown,shelaughsagain,alittle
louderthistime.“We’reamess.”

“Abeautifulmess.”
“Ibetyousaythattoallthegirls.”
Mysmileslipsaway.“Idon’t.”
Shereadsmewell.“Ididn’tmeanyoureallysaythattoallthegirlsyou’rewith.”
Isettlethepanicinhereyes,preferringtheafter-orgasmlookinstead.“It’sokay.Justdon’tthink

I’mlikethiswitheveryonebecauseI’mnot.”

Thesmilelineseaseandherexpressionlightens.“Whyareyousosweettome?EvenafterItold

youKatieO’Dowdsentmetoseeyou?”

“Becauseyou’renothinglikeKatieO’Dowd.”
“HowamIdifferent?”sheasks,justawhisperaswestillholdeachother.
“Shecameherelookingforagoodtimeandthat’sallshewas.Butyou,”Isay,tuckingsomehair

behindherear,“I’llrememberlongaftertonight.”Ikisshersweetly,whichseemstobetheonlyway
tokisssomeoneasprettyasherwhenshe’slookingatmelikeIjusthungthemoonforher.

Zippingherpantsandfasteningherbelt,hershynessreturnsslowly,theblushdisappearingfrom

herchestandcenteringonhercheeks.Shelooksdown,andasks,“Why?”

“Becauseyouthinkyoucamehereforsexwhenyouwerereallyjustlookingforaconnection.”
Hergreeneyeslooklikejadeinthedimlightsoftheoffice,herbeautifulinnocenceshining

through.“I’vedonethissortofthingbefore.”Shetriestosoundbold,butIseethroughtheact.

“Haveyounow?”
“I’mnotsuchaGoodyTwo-shoes.”Sheraisesherchin,tryingtobuildsomeoffensetothesmile

onmyfacethatmakesitclearIdon’tbelieveher.

“You’renotaGimletgirl.Why’dyouorderit?”
“BecauseIwantedtobeone,someonewhoorderswhattheywantandownsit,someonewho

ownswhotheyarewithoutapologies.”

“Youarethatwoman.Youjustdon’tknowityet.”Ibendandkissherontheneck,justbecauseI

wanttokeepkissingher,touchingher,keepherherelongerthanmybreakallows.Ontheotherside
oftheofficedoorthemusicandcrowdhavegottenlouder.Iglancetowardthedoor.Thebarshould
beinfullswingbynowandI’mprobablyneeded,butConstancemakesmewanttostay.

“Igotstoodupbyaguy,butpleasedon’ttakepityonme.”
“There’snopitywhenIlookatyou.Onlybeauty.”
Shesighs,andtouchesmycheek.“Look,you’rereallygreat,butI’vetakenenoughofyourtime.I

shouldletyougetback.”

“He’sanassholeandyoudeservebetterthanyourealize.”ThistimeIkissheronthelips,fullon,

tonguesmingling.Myheartbeatsharderandmybodyleansin,thewarningsignsred-flagging
themselves—Don’tgettooclose.Whenourlipspart,Iwhisper,“Idon’twanttogobacktowork,butI

needto.”

Shesmiles,herarmslaxassheletsthemhangaroundmyneck.“Comeon.Don’twanttogetthat

bossmadatyou.”

“Yup,Iheardhe’sanassholetoo.”
“He’snot,butIthinkhelikestopretendheis.”Sheliftsupandkissesmycheek.“I’mgoingtouse

therestroom.I’mkindofamess.ThenI’llseeyououtthere?”

“I’llseeyououtthere.”
Sheletsherhanddragacrossmychestuntilshe’soutofreach.Sheunlocksthedoor,andwithher

handontheknob,sheturnsback.“Thankyou,Hardy.”

Inod,notsurehowtoreply.Isshethankingmeforgettingheroff?Itdidn’tfeelshallow.“Come

seemeatthebarwhenyou’redone.”

“Okay.”Shewalksoutandshutsthedoorbehindher.
Iremainthereafewsecondstoolong,staringatthebackofthewooddoor.Thereareonlytwo

rules:

Rulenumberone:Don’tgettooclose.
Rulenumbertwo:Don’tfallinlove.
WhydoIalreadyfeellikeIbrokeoneruleandI’mabouttoshatterthesecond?

CHAPTERFOUR

sitreallysobadtowanttoseeConstanceagain?It’snotacrimetoactuallyconnectwithawoman
onadeeperlevel.Isit?

Irubmychestoverthesemixedupemotions,hopingtobreakthemup,andsendthemontheir

way.Ihaveagoodlife.Idon’tneedtomessituplikesomeoftheotherguyshavewithmarriage,
kids,affairs,anddivorces.We’veseenafewbartenderscomethroughhere,eachoftheirstories
unique.Icouldhavepredictedtheoneswho’dendupwithhappylivesandasthesayinggoes—happy
wives.Somebartendersweresmartenoughtotaketheirskills,andutilizethemintherealworld.
Hencethehappywives.Theothers,whowerescrew-upshere,screweduptheirmarriages.Theycame
backbeggingforjobstheylostinthefirstplace.Igetit.TheattentionwegetatTheHideawayis
addicting.Itstrokesouregosonanightlybasis.Somearejustdumbenoughtobelievetheydeserve
it,thatitwilllastoutsidethesewalls.Itdoesn’t.

AndifI’mbeinghonestwithmyself,whichisiffypartofthetimeandwhatItrymybesttobethe

otherhalf,Idon’tevenrememberhowthosetworulescametobe.I’vebeeninrelationships.They
justweren’tgood.Idon’thavelingering,unresolvedfeelings.Iwasfinemovingon.WhatI’m
startingtothinkisthattheydidn’tmakemefeelatall.Imeanifeverything’sresolvedbeforeyou
walkaway,whatmarkdidtheyleaveonyourlife?Noneworthremembering.

ButhereIstand,stillstaringatadoorI’vewatchedcloseplentyoftimes,andwalkedoutright

afterjustfine.Yet,lookingatthatdoornow,allIwishisthatthisonetimeitwouldopenandshe
wouldwalkrightbackin.

Iwalkaroundthecabinet,remindingmyselfoftherulesandwhytheyexist,grabapackofwipes

andcleanmyselfup.AfewshirtshangintheclosetfromwhatIpickedupfromthedrycleaners
earlier.Igrabagrayoneandslipiton,andthenbenddowntolookinamirroronthewallandfixmy
hair.WhenI’mready,Iwalkoutanddownthehall.Ipushopenthedoortothemainpartofthebar.
Myearsareinstantlyassaultedbythenoise.

Womentouchmeandcallmebymyname.I’mtreatedlikearockstarinthisbar.I’mfriendly,say

hi,butkeepmoving.Iliftthepanelandstepbehindthebar.Eddiesmirks.Hethinksheknowswhat’s
up,butreally,hedoesn’t.Hedoesn’tseemyheartabouttopoundoutofmychest,orthewayIlook
towardthebathroomsanxioustoseeheragain.Hedoesn’tnoticethatIbringdownthemost
expensivetequilainthebarandmixupaPalomaforawomanwho’snotevenhere.Nope,Ismileand
pretendIjustgotlaid.Sure,Icame,harderthanIhaveinalongtimeandIwasn’teveninsideher.But
Iwaswithherandthatinandofitself,wasworthcomingover.

IpourtwoglassesofwhitewineandmakeamargaritabeforeConstancemakesherwaybackto

meandfindsavacatedbarstool.Ideliverherdrinkandleaninsoshecanhearme...Fine,Ipretend
that’swhyIleanin.Ijustlikebeingnearher.“It’saPaloma.Ilikeitwithsaltshakenin,butI’llleave

thatforyoutodecide.”Isetthesaltshakerdowninfrontofher.

“WhydidyoumakemeaPaloma?”
“Whenthisdrinkismaderightit’sdelicateonthepalate.”Itakemyfingersandsuckthetipsinto

mymouth.Hereyesaregluedonmymouth,herlipsparted,andherbreathpicksupwhenIpullmy
fingersslowlybackout.“Thegrapefruitwiththeclubsodabalancestheliquor.It’ssophisticated,but
refreshing,likeyou.”

“Thankyou,”shereplies.
“You’rewelcome.”Aladywithastrongeastcoastaccentcallsmyname.Irecognizeitinstantly.

I’veneversleptwithher,butthat’snotduetoherlackoftrying.BeforeIgo,Iadd,“Bytheway,your
hairlooksbeautifuldown.Youshouldwearitlikethatmoreoften.”

“MaybeIwill.”Hersmileiswideandrelaxed.Shetakesasipofherdrink.
Iwinkandwalktoservetheotherlady,butkeepmyeyeonConstance.That’swhenithappens.

Gianthairymittsforhandshidehereyeswhensomeonecomesupbehindher.Whensheturns,her
eyesgowide,obviouslyrecognizingthisdouche.She’sokay,soIhelpMitzi,fromtheUpperEast
Side.IfherfriendsonlyknewhowshetrolledBrooklynforhookupsshemightnotbesoeasily
acceptedonthesocialsceneofManhattan.

WhileblendingMitzi’sfavoritedrink,abananadaiquiri,IglancedownConstance’sway.She

stealsaglimpseofmebeforetheassholesnapshisfingerstobringherattentionbacktohim.

Asshole.
Ohhhh.Isthattheassholethatstoodheruptonight?
IserveMitziandanotherwomanvyingformyattention,thencheckonConstance.Standingright

infrontofher,Irestmyhandsonthebar.“Everythingokaydownhere?”

Theassholeflashesafifty,andreplies,“IneedahoppyIPA,andtheladyneedsanother.”
Figures.IPA’saregenerallybitter,similartothetastehe’sleftinmymouth.Ilooktoherand

sadnesshascreptuponher,alotlikethisguy.Shepushesheremptyglassaway,andmouths,“I’m
sorry,”butsays,“I’mgood,Hardy.Thanks.”

Assholesays,“Hardy,beagoodbarkeepandrunalongandgetmethatbeer.SeemsI’mdrinking

alone.”

Ignoringhim,IstayfocusedonConstance.“Hey?”
“Yeah?”sherepliesquietly.
“Icanthrowhimoutifyouwant.”
Thatmakesherlaughanditwasworthbeingbelittledbyhimtohearthateffervescentsound.“I’m

good.”

“Well,justletmeknow.Iknowaguy.”
“Theboss.”
“Yep.Theboss.”Ileavehertogogetthatbitterbeerfortheasshole.WhenIsetitdown,asmuch

asIwanttospendtimewithher,Idon’twastetimeandhangaroundwithhimthere.Mybarispacked
andthreepeopledeepdownthelengthofit.Igettococktailing.

Ifindtimetodropoffafreshdrinkforherandthenanother.IstarttothinkImighthavetocuther

offsoon.Theassholeistakingherlaughterandsmileasanopeninvitationandcrowdingher.She’s
niceenoughnottocomplain,butitpissesmethefuckoff.

It’sgettingclosetomidnightandshelookstired.IknowIam,butIhaveanotherhourbeforeIget

offwork.Whentheassholesnapshisfingersatmethreetimes,Igobegrudgingly.“Closemytab.”

Apleasewouldbenice,butwhatthefuckeverwithhim.IthasstartedtofeellikeConstanceis

avoidingeyecontactwithme,somymoodhassoured.

Rulenumberone:Don’tgettooclose.
Fuckedthatonerightup.NowI’mleftwiththeremnantstocleanup.Atleastrulenumbertwois

safe.IhandhimhischangeandjustasI’mabouttotellConstancethatitwasapleasuretonotjust
meether,butspendtimewithher,sheturnstothewomannexttoher,andsays,“TheGimletsare
amazing.YoushouldorderonefromHardy,inparticular.”She’snoddingandthoughIcantellshe’s
definitelytipsy,shedidn’tseemdrunkuntilnow.“HelovesservingGimlets.Don’tyou,Hardy?”

Confusedtowhereshe’sgoingwiththis,Ieyeher,andwhisper,“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Helping.”
“Helpinghowexactly?”
“Helpingyoufindyournextone.”Staringather,Iwatchhernod,signalingtoherbarstool

neighbor.“Youknow,aGimletgirl.”

“Don’t,”Ireply,flatly.“Don’thelp.I’mnotagigolo.”
“Oh,Ididn’tmeantoimplythat.”
“Whatdidyoumeanthen?”
Assholeleansover.“Heybuddy,Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingonhere,butitneedstoend.She’swith

me,sostophittingonthecustomers,andstickwithwhatyoudobest—servingthem.”

Myspinestraightensandmyfistsitchtopunchhisfuckingfacefortalkingtomelikethat.“Ithink

it’stimeforyoutoleave.”

“I’magoodpayingcustomer.Don’tmakemereportyoutothemanager.”
“Hardy’sHideaway.Iownthisplace,sogetthefuckoutanddon’tcomeback.”
LookingatConstance,hesays,“Comeon.It’slateandIhaveadepositioninthemorning.”
Constance’seyesclose.Whenshereopensthem,amutedshameisseenintheusuallyrichcolor,

dullingthem.“Hardy,”shestarts,butassholeyanksherbarstoolbackandpawsherhand.Beforeshe’s
pulledaway,shesays,“I’llseeyou.”Whatshesaidearlierslipsoutwithoutthemostimportantword
attached—again—andIhatethatInotice.

Insteadofwatchingherleave,Ipushdownthesickeningfeelinginmystomachandstartserving

customersagain.Butthatdamnfeelingdoesn’teaseuponcethey’regoneandIstop,andlookup.
Gone.

I’mjustnotreadytohavehergone—fromthebar...frommylife?Itosstheicescoopintothebin

andhightailitoutfrombehindthebarandweavethroughthecrowdtowardtheexit.Pushingthedoor
open,it’scoldandsnowingandIdon’thaveajacketon,butstepoutanyway.She’stwentyorsofeet
awaywaitingforacab.“Constance,”Icall,justbeforesheheadstothecabassholehashailed.

Hereyesgowidewhensheseesme,andsayssomethingtoherdatebeforecomingbacktome.

“Whatareyoudoingouthere?”

I’mdumbfoundedbythewayshe’sacting.Isitashowshe’sputtingonforthatasshole?Oristhis

therealher?“I’mnotchainedbehindthebar.”

“You’retwistingmywords.”Shelooksnervous,andglancesbackatherdatebeforeturningback

tome.“Whatdidyouwanttosay?”

“Youknowwhat’sfunny?”
“What?”
“I’vehookedupwithmorethanmyshareofwomeninmylife.Ineverfeltashamedorapologetic

aboutitbecauseIrespectedthem.Igavethemagoodtime.Ihadagoodtime,anditwasalwaysanact
betweentwoconsentingadults.”

Herdateholdsthecabdooropen.Impatiently,hesays,“Comeon,Virginia.It’scold.”
Virginia.Timeisticking,thesecondsgoingfromonebeattothreeintheblinkofaneye.“I’ve

ownedeveryencounterI’vehadandneverfeltcheap.Untiltonight,Constance.”Ibacktowardthe
door,grabbingthehandle.

ThoseeyelidsIenjoyedkissinganhourearlierclosetightly.Whensheopensthem,shesays,“I’m

sor—”

Idon’twanttohearit,soIopenthedoorandcutheroff,“Andfortherecord,Iwouldn’thave

keptyouwaitingevenasecondknowingsomeotherguycouldcomealongandstealyouaway.Much
lessstandyouup.”

“Hardy?”
“Goodbye.”
IwishIcouldleaveandgohome.I’mnotinthemoodtostay,whichisafirstforme.Ilovemy

job,butdisappointmentissettlingintomybones,anunfamiliarfeelingofwishingitcouldhavebeen
differentwithher.I’mnotsurewhattomakeofmyemotions.They’veneverflip-floppedonmelike
this.I’mprobablyjusttired.

Thedoorclosesbehindme,andthecrowdinsidewelcomesmewithacheer.Withrulenumber

twosafelyintact,it’stimetocelebratethatsamevictory,thoughitdoesn’tfeellikeonedeepdown.
“Eddie,ashotforeveryone.”

CHAPTERFIVE

yheadispounding.Idrankwaytoomuchlastnight.Idon’tnormallydrinkonaMondayor
whileI’mworkinglongshifts,butIneededsomethingtowashaway...Ishakemyhead

irritatedwithmyselfforeventhinkingtwiceaboutConstancemuchlessthinkingabouthertheminute
Iwakeup.

Womendon’taffectme.Notusually.Butthere’ssomethingabouther,somethingdifferentthat

mademewanttospendtimewithher,stillkindofdo.Fuck.Ienjoyagoodmorningtug,butshe’sgot
BigRichardallscrewedup.IfIdidn’tknowbetter,I’dthinkhe’sallfuckedupoverhertoo.My
annoyancewithhisfloppybehaviorisunsettlingonmanylevels.

IreachoverandpopsomeIbuprofen,thendownabottleofwaterfrommynightstand.Lyingon

myback,Istareupattheceiling.It’sstilldarkout.IfIcangetmyassoutofbed,Icanrunthebridge
whilethesunisrising.

Motivationiskeywhenitcomestome.WatchingthesunrisewhileontheBrooklynBridgeis

somethingIliketodoatleastonceaweek.Onereasonisthere’snobodyonthepedestrianpathatthat
timeofday.Another,IgettolaughatthepoorsapscommutingintoManhattan.I’msogladIdon’t
havetoreporttoaneight-to-fivefivedaysaweek.IdidthatforyearsandIneverwanttodoitagain.
SeeingthesuitsstuckintheircarsandcabsremindsmeofhowgoodIhaveit.

Motivation,myfriend.Mot-i-vation.
Iflipthecoversoffandheadtothebathroom.Aftershakingthesnake,Ipullonapairoftighter

thanaduck’sasscompressionpantsandthenlooseathleticpants.I’mnotlettinganyoneseemein
tights,buttheykeepmewarm,sotwolayersitis.

Threelayersontheupperbody,gloves,thicksocks,sneakers,andahatandI’moutthedoor

running.Myheadachehassubsidedandpoundingthepavementbeatsmyheadpounding.Mybreath
comesoutinpuffsofwhiteairasIworkmywaythroughtheneighborhoodanduptowardthebridge.
It’saseaofredbrakelightsonmyapproach.Ismirk,feelingmightyproudthatI’mchoosingtobe
awakeatthishourinsteadofforcedtobe.There’sadifference,andIworkedhardtohavetheoption.

Pumpingmyarms,theslowinclinebecomeseasierasIpickupspeed.Iseemystoppingpoint

aheadandrunfaster.Ihitmymarkandstop,bentover,outofbreath.WhenIlookupattheManhattan
skyline,I’minaweofthewaythesunrisesgivingtheworldagoldenhue,evenifjustforamoment
intime.Iftherunhadn’t,thesunrisewouldhavetakenmybreathaway.

MyheartrateevensandIstandthereatthemercyofitsbeauty.Forgetlastnightandtroublesthat

aren’treallytroubles.Lookatthehopethatrisesintheeastandsetsinthewest.Todayisanewday,
wipingourslatescleanagain.

Istarttogetcoldstandingthere,soIcontinuejoggingtherestofthebridgeenjoyingtheview

withtheslowerpace.Icutright,headingfortheManhattanBridgetoloopbacktoBrooklyn.Stopped

atalight,Ipushthebuttonimpatientlyreadytocarryonwithmyrunandgetback.

“Hardy?”
IswearIheardmyname.Lookingovermyshoulder,nope.Noonethere.
“Hardy?”Glancingovermyothershoulderthere’sayellowcab.Thepassengerwindowisupand

thecabdriverlookshalfasleep.Mygazefollowsfurtherback.Lookingtoobeautifulforhersormy
owngood,Ismilejustfromseeingher.Constance.Shit.It’snotConstance.Iforgot.It’sVirginia.
“Hi,”shesaysasifI’vejustmadeherday.

I’mstillsmilinglikealoonwhenIrealizeI’msupposedtobemadather.“Hey,”Ireply,checking

tomakesurethelighthasn’tchanged.Thatsinkingfeelingfromlastnightsitssolidlyinthegutofmy
stomach.“YouliveinBrooklyn?”Iask,makingcasualconversationsincewe’rebothstuck
awkwardlyatthesamelight.“IfiguredyouforaManhattanite.”

“Iam.”Herexpressionfalls,readingmine.“Iknowyoudon’twanttohearit,butI’msorry.”
“Noneed,”Ireply,wavingtheapologyawaysoIdon’thavetoacceptit.Thepedestriansignal

givesmethego-ahead,sogoaheadIdo.“Haveagoodlife.”

“Bye,”IhearbehindmeasIjogforward.
Here’stheproblemwiththecity—toomanydamnlights.Nottwenty-fiveyardslaterandwe’re

bothstuckatalightrightnexttoeachotheragain.WhenIspyhercabnexttome,Istartdebating:
shouldIsayhiagainorpretendIdon’tseeher?

“Hiagain,”shesays.
“Hi,”Iacknowledgeheragainstmybetterjudgment,butIhatebeingrudeevenifwe’reonly

meanttobeaone-timekindofthing.Besidesmuckingupmymorningwoodearlier,nowshe’s
screwingwithmybodyandmind.Ilookdownandseemypantspushingout.Myjogissupposedto
centerme.Iusuallyhaveclarityandsolidfocusafterwards,butwhenIlookdown,I’msolidallright.

I’mactuallyimpressedwiththestrengthofthesecompressionpants.They’redoingafairjobof

restrainingthewillofathousandarmiesdownthere.I’mstillcautiousaboutlookingatherdirectly.
Shehassomekindofsuperpowerthatmakesmewanttotossmyheartrightintotheringoffire.And
I’mnottalkingaboutanal,thoughI’mnotopposedtothat,quitetheopposite.Fuck.

Sheinterruptsmypityparty.“It’sgoodtoseeyouagain.”
Ipackawaymytinyimaginaryviolin,andrubthebackofmyneck.“Youmeanfromthelast

block?”

“No,fromlastnight.”
“Yeah,okay.”I’mnotsurewhatelsetosaytothat.Thewomanvexesme.Firstoff,howdoes

someonewholookslikeherstayavirgin?Secondly,isshestillavirginafterlastnightordidshe
giveituptothatassholeafterIwarmedherup?Fuckingasshole.Istartrunningbecausethestreetis
clearoftrafficandIdon’tknowwhattosaytoher.Doesshewantmetomakeherfeelbetter?Tellher
it’sokaythatshemademefeelusedandslightlydirty,thoughthedirtypartinreferencetogoodor
badisstillupfordebate?

ThecarsstartmovingjustasIreachthenextintersection.InmyperipheralIseethebrightyellow

cabslowlypullinguptothelight.“Forfuck’ssake.Whatthefuck?”

Thecabbie’spassengerwindowrollsdownandheleansdownsoIcanseehim.“Hey,mister,this

couldbealotlessweirdifyouheartheladyout.”

ThebackwindowrollsdownandConstanceVirginialooksmortified.Theproblemisshelooks

sodamngood,eveninmortification,thatIwalkuptothecabandopenthedoor.“Scootover.”AfterI
slideinnexttoher,Ishutthedoor,andask,“Whereareweheaded?”

Thedriverrepliesinacrotchetyvoice,“FinancialDistrict.”
Oh,nowhe’sbothered.Theironyisnotmissed.Turningtowardher,Iask,“Why?”
Thecabstartsmovingagain,andCon—Virginiaanswers,“BecauseI’llbelatetoworkifwe

don’t.”

“YouworkintheFinancialDistrict?”
“Yes.”
“Whatdoyoudo?”
“I’mafinancialanalyst.”
“IsworeoffthatindustrywhenIleftManhattanthreeyearsago.”
“Whatdoyoumeanyousworeitoff?”
“Whydidyoulieaboutyourname?”
“Idon’tknow.Ijustwantedtobesomeoneelseforthenight.”
“Why?”
“ThetruthisIwasashamedtobedoingwhatIwasdoing.”
“Whatwereyoudoing?”
“Iwantedtofeelgood.Iwantedtoknowwhatitfeelslike.KatiesaysI’mbeautiful.IthinkIam,

butsomething’sbrokenbecauseIcan’tseemtofindlove.”

“Withastranger?Asforlove,youweren’tlookingforlove,sweetheart.Youwerelookingfora

goodtime.Igetit.Ireallydo,butthat’snothowyourfirsttimeshouldgodown.”Mygazedipsdown
herbody,thatfeelinginmygutreturns.Ican’tbelieveIdidn’tnoticesooner.“Consideringyou’re
wearingthesameclothesaslastnight,guessyoufounditanyway.”

ThecabcomestoastopandasmuchasIwanttoknowwhyshe’sshame-cabbingitbackintothe

city.Thestopismycue.Iopenthedoorandgetout.Justasshe’sabouttospeak,Isay,“Haveagood
life,Virginia.”Ishutthedoorandstartrunningagain.WiththeManhattanBridgeupahead,Ipickup
speednotwantingtogettrappedatalightagain.WhenImakearight,backontrack,I’mtemptedto
lookback,butIknowthere’snopoint.Shesleptwiththatassholeafterspendingtimewithme.
There’snothingreallytodiscussanymore.

WhenIturndownmystreet,Igoinsidethecoffeeshop.Themorninglineislong,butIwait.

Watchingpeopleisagoodwaytotakemymindoffthings.Myfavoritebaristaisworkingtoday.
WhenIreachthecounter,sheeyesmeoverthepastrydisplay.“Goodmorning,Hardy.”

“Goodmorning,Luisa.”
Shegigglesashersmilegrows.“WhatcanIgetyouthismorning?”
“Theusual.”
Withateaseinhertone,shesays,“Comingrightup.”
Notabletostopmymindgoingtothegutter,Ireply,“You’renaughtythismorning,butI’m

naughtieratnight.”Iwink.

“Irememberalltoowell,Hardy.”
“WhenareyougoingtostopinTheHideawayagain?”
Sheraisesherhandandwigglesherfinger.“NomoreHideawayforme.Theboyfriendhas

becomethefiancé.”

“Whoa,”Isay,thrilledforher.“That’sfantasticnews.Congratulations.”
“Thankyou.Justhappenedovertheweekend,soit’snew.”Sheshrugstoplayitoff.
“I’mhappyforyou,Luisa.Youdeservegoodthings.”
Thatbrightensherbackup.Shehandsmemycoffee—simple,classic,black—andleansin.“You

dotoo,Hardy.Don’tsettleforanythingless.”Speakinginherusualchippervoice,shesays,
“Coffee’sonme.HaveagreatTuesday.”

“Thanks.Seeyousoon.”Istartwalking,butsay,“Congratsagain.He’saluckyguy.”
“Yes,heis.”ShelaughsandIleavefeelingalittlelightermyself.
Thestreethasgottenmorecrowdedwiththerushtoworkhappeningallaroundme.Twoblocks

down,Ipunchinthecodeformybuildingandheadupthetwoflightstomysecond-floorwalkup.I

tossmykeysinthesilverbowlmymomsentmefromEuropelastyearforChristmas.Ikickthedoor
closedandboltit.Mysneakersaretoedoffjustinsidethedoor,mysockspulledoffandleftinthe
hallasIstartforthebathroom.IsetmycoffeeonthekitchenbarasIpass.Mythreeshirtsarepulled
offasoneanddroppedjustinsidemybedroom.Istarttheshowerandpeelmypantsoffwaitingfor
thewatertowarm.

Irestmypalmstothecoldmarbleandcheckmycomplexion.It’sclearwithahealthysheenof

sweatearnedfrommyrun.Runningmyhandsthroughmyhair,Ilookbackatmyreflectionandfor
thefirsttimeinyears,Iwonderifthisisit.Isthishowlifeisalwaysgoingtobe?Simpleand
uncomplicated,likemycoffee?Iglareatmyself.Thoughtslikethishaven’tcrossedmymindsinceI
wasworkingseventytoeightyhoursaweekinthecity.ThoughtslikethisarethereasonIcashedout
financiallyandleftacareerIthoughtIliked.Ididn’t.ItwasmakingmeintoapersonIdidn’twantto
be,apersonIdidn’tlike,butdidn’trealizeituntilIwokeupbetweentwowomenwhoweretraders
downonWallStreetinanapartmentinSoHothatbelongedtomyboss.

Mybosswasfoundunderthenannybyhiswifewhenshecamehomefromvisitingherdying

motherwiththeirtwokids.Thedivorcepaperscitedcocaineandphilanderingandlistedmeasa
liability.Myhandswerecleanwhenitcametothedrugs,asforthephilandering—Ididn’tmakehim
doit.ButIdidn’tstophimeither.

IresignedthatdayandIfoundanewjob.Hewentontomarryhissecretaryandhadanotherkid

withinthenextyear.AfterIheardabouthisfirstwife’slargesettlement,Ifiguredshewasoffliving
thehighlifewithoutthebaggageofhercheatingex-husband.ThenIranintohiswifeinSaksFifth
Avenuethreeyearsago.Shewasonthephonearguing.Iheardhertelltheotherpersonthatherkids
missedhimandthattheyhadn’tseenhimsincehis“new”familywascompletewiththelittleboyhe
alwayswanted.Shehunguponhimandbrokedowncrying.

Iapproachwithcaution,withcare.Shelookstired,notlikethewomanIknewyearsearlieronthe

armofmyboss.EverythingIhadseenwasone-sided,hisside.Nowstaringattheotherside,Ifeltlike
shit.Iwaspartofthis.Ihelpedcausethis.Suretherewasahugegroupofusalwayspartyingtogether,
livingthehighlifeaswerakedinthemoney.ButtherewereconsequencesIneverhadtoface.Iwas
single.Ionlyhadtothinkofmyself,andthat’sallIhaddone.Untilthatmoment.Seeingherbreak
downafterlosingherhusband,herkidslosingtheirdad,andthatloveformoneyisnosubstitutefor
therealthing,Iwalkuptoher,andsay,“I’msorry.”

Shelooksup.Thebeautifulwomanthatwasoncethestaroftheholidaypartiesnowcarrieddark

circlesunderhereyesandherwoundsintheblues.Ashereyeslookintomine,Iwaitforhertospeak,
forherforgiveness,foranything.Idon’tgetherwords.Igetslappedacrosstheface,andleftwith
wordsthatscarmetothisday.“Don’teverfallinlove,Hardy.”Shewalkedawaythatday,Ihope
feelingalittlelighter.

IwalkedawayfromManhattan.IwalkedawayfromthegirlswhoIwasdatingbecausetheyfitan

imageIwastryingtouphold,buthadnodepth.Iwalkedawayfrommyparent’sprideinmy
accomplishmentsandtookontheirworrythatIwouldbehomeless.Theydidn’trealizethesizeofmy
bankaccount,themoneyI’dearnedoffthehardworkofotherswhileIbettheirsonthestockmarket.
Ithadpaidoff.Itwaslegal,butcertaininvestmentsmademefeeldirty.Theclientswerethrilledwith
theirprofits,butIonlyfeltasenseofloss.ThatwaswhenIleftthelifeI’dbeenlivingbehind,donated
whatIcallmydirtywealthtocharitiesthatmymomhelpedmefind.Itookeverythingelseandputit
intothebartostartover.Isoldmyapartmentwiththegreatviewinatrendypartofthecityfor
millionsandinvestedtherest.MyfinancialadvisorsaysI’msetforlife.

AsIstepintotheshower,Idrenchmyhairandletthewaterrundownmybody.Ispentthreeyears

livingalifethatdestroyedmyinsides.I’vespentthelastthreebuildingalifethat’sgood,feelsclean,
andhonorable.SoIhavesexwithsomeoftheladies—noharmdoneifit’sbetweentwoadultswho

understandtherules.

Virginiahasmefeelingreflectiveforsomereason.I’mnotworriedabouther.Rulenumbertwo

isintactforalltime.IfIlearnedanythingfrommyboss’sex-wife,itwasdon’teverfallinlove.I
don’tneedthebaggageofrelationships.Lifeshouldbesimple,easy,uncomplicated.

TheproblemI’mnowfacedwithisifIreallybelievelifeshouldbethateasy,thatuncomplicated,

andthatsimple,thenwhyamIstillthinkingaboutagirlImetonarandomMondayatthebar?Agirl
whowasneveraGimletandalwaysaPaloma.Yep,IcalleditallwronglastnightandI’mstartingto
wonderifmyheartistheonethatwillpaytheprice.

CHAPTERSIX

henIreachforthedoor,Inoticethere’sasmudgeonthegoldletteringofHardy.Irubmy
elbowoveritusingthesoftmaterialofmycoattomakeitshineagain.“There.Muchbetter.”

Yeah,yeah,Italktomyselfsometimes.Whatever.I’mdamnproudofthisbarandthatmyname’sthe
oneonthatsmudgydoor.

WhenIwalkinside,thehappyhourcrowdisinfullswing,everytableoccupied.Istopbythefar

endofthebarwhenIseeClive.“How’sitgoing?”

Hissmilegrows.I’veseenthatonebefore.He’seitherjustgottenlaidorabouttohoneinonhis

prey.“Pickingup.”Despitetheoldmanname,he’soneofmybiggestearners.Theladieslovehim.
I’msixtwo.He’stwenty-fiveandbuiltlikeabeastatsixfive.

“Businessoryou?”
“Ha!Youknowmewell.Littlehoney-coloredsweetbeeoverbythedartboard.”
Ilookbehindme.Aprettywomanwithasincerelaughispullingadartoutofthewall.Healways

didlikethedoe-eyedblondes.“Twenty-one?”

“Don’tworry.Icarded.Twenty-threelastweek.”
Noddingmyapproval,Ireply,“Good.”Pushingoffthebar,Iheadtotheback.“Eddiewillbehere

soon,butyouknowwheretofindmeifyouneedanything.”

“Youworkingbehindthebartonight,boss?”
“Tryingtocatchuponthebooksforlastweek.”
“We’vegotthefrontcovered.”
“Ihavenodoubt.”Igreetafewladiesonthewayback.Thehallisquiet,myofficequieterwhenI

unlockthedoor.ThedryeraseboardisthefirstthingIseewhenIenter—smearedinkwhereConst—
Virginia’shairrubbedagainstitwhenIrubbedagainsther.Damn,shewasbeautifulwithherlips
parted,herbreathbecomingmine,andherpussyvibratingaroundmyfingers.

Thatsamememoryinspiredmetogetoffanothertimeintheshowerthismorning.Ishouldbe

madather,offendedshetreatedourtimetogetherlessthanrespectfullikeIhad.ButIdidn’tjusthave
agoodtimewithher;Ihadagoodtimegettingtoknowher.Itwouldhavebeennicetohavemore
timewithher.Assholeputanendtothat.Hehadsomenerveshowinguptocollectherlikeheowns
her.Andwhatthefuck?WasshedrunkenoughtofallrightintohishandsafterIwarmedherup?Isit
downatmydeskandswitchonthelamp.Ineedtoburymyselfinsomenumbersinsteadofburying
mythoughtsintoherdeepheat.

Rubbingmyeyes,Iglanceatmywatch.Twohours.Thenightlytransitionhashappenedandthe

nightcrowdisgrowing.Myminddrifts.Ihateunsettledfeelingsandthat’swhatIhavefromlast
night.Andthismorning.Shewasavirginandyet,shewenthomewithhimandwhat?Bangedhim.I
don’tregretnothavingsexwithher.Itgoesbacktorespect—Irespecthersoit’shardtohateher.We

allmakemistakes.SomaybeifshecomesaroundagainI’llgiveheranotherchance.

Idoubtshewill,butithelpstoeasethelittlebitofguiltI’vecarriedoverfrombailingfromthat

cabthismorning.NowthatI’mcaughtupwithlastweek’sinventoryandbalancedthebooks,Istand,
lookinginthemirrorbehindthedeskandstraightenmytie.Idon’thaveauniformhere,buttheguys
tendtodressnicer.Keepstheclientelehappyandhelpsprojectamoreupscaleambiance.Yeah,yeah,
wehookupsometimes,butwe’resingle,soit’sall-good.

Iturnoutthelampandleavetheoffice.Makingmywaythroughthetablesandfullbarreminds

meagainofhowfortunateIam.Iworkedforthis,gaveupmypastlifeinhopesofsomethingbetter.
Thehoursarelong,butsowerethehoursatmylastjob.Atleastthisonecomeswithperks.

“Hi,Hardy.”
Seeingoneofmyfavoritemargaritadrinkers,Istopandswingaroundthebackofherchairto

kissheronthecheek.“HiMargot.Goodtoseeyou.”

“Betterseeingyou.Nowgivemeaspinandletmegetthefullview.”
I’mtempted.She’sgoodinbed.She’salsomarried.Now.I’llclarifythatshewasn’twhenwe

hookeduplastyear.Herbeingmarriedmeansshe’soff-limitsnow.Imaylivebytworules,butI
maketheguysadheretothatone.ThelastthingIneedorthebarneedsisanangryhusbandoutfor
revenge.Anyway,eversinceIranintomyex-boss’sex-wife,Ikeepthingsinmylifelessmuddied.I
kissMargotonthecheekandmakesureshe’sgoodwithhercurrentdrinkbeforecheckinginwith
EddieandClive.

Justfivefeetfromthebar,Istop.Iknowthatmidnighthair,leanlegs,andanotherdamnsuitthat

doesnothingtoflatterherfigure.Ohwait,maybeIdoapproveofthesuits.Clivegivesmealook
alongwithalittleheadnodtowardVirginia.

IfeelthetensioninmyjawasIwalkaroundthebar.WhenIseewhatshe’sdrinking,itliftsjusta

little.Shelooksupandgivesmeanuneasysmilethatlooksoutofplaceonher.I’mnotallbad.Ihead
downtobreakthepressurebeforeitbuilds.Herglasshasjustgoneemptyandshepushesitforward.
Standinginfrontofher,Iask,“WouldyoulikeanotherPaloma?”

“Areyoumakingit?”
“MakingandShaking.”
EvenIknowhowlamethatlineis,butshelaughs.“ThenI’lltaketwo.”
“Let’sstartslow.”
“Iwasthinkingover.”
Workingonherdrink,mygazeliftstoher.“Irecognizeyou.”
Hereyesgowide.“Well,Ihopesoafterwhatwedid.”
Ichuckle.“Imeanthisisthewomanwhocaughtmyattentionlastnight.Bold,empowered,

orderingGimletsasifsheactuallylikesthem.”

“Idolikethem,”sheprotests,sittingupstraighter.
“BecauseImakeadamngoodGimlet.”
“Yes,youdo,butwhatdoyoumeanyourecognizeme.”
Isettheglassandasaltshakerinfrontofherandleaninclosersoonlyshehears.“You’retough,

quickwit,andifI’mbeinghonest,whichforsomereasonIamwithyou,you’rethemostbeautiful
womaninhere.”Itakeastepback,wantingtoleaveroomformyemotionaloutpour.I’dwipeitupif
Icouldandreachforaragoutofhabit.It’stoolate.She’senchanted.I’veseenthatlookbefore.Now
I’vegoneanddoneit.Ibetitwasthehonesty.

“Whyareyoutellingmethis?”
“Thiswomansittingatmybarrightnowandthatshygirlfromlastnight,they’retwodifferent

people.”

“Whichdoyouprefer?”

“Ithinkyouknow.”Itakeastepback,notwantingtoargue.Thisisleadingintodraggingthose

unresolvedfeelingsuptothesurfaceandI’mnotreadytoconfrontthosedemons.

“I’msorry,Hardy.ImeantwhatIsaidthismorningandwhenIsayitnow.”Shelookstoher

barstoolneighborsoneithersideofherandthenturnsbacktome.“Whatwedidandhowyoutreated
me—itwasbeyondwhatIcouldhaveaskedofanyone.Ididn’tdeserveyouinthefirstplace,butI
definitelydidn’tmeantodismissyou.I’mtrulysorry.Ihopeyoucanforgiveme.”

Isigh,alreadyknowingI’llaccept.“I’masuckerforanapology.”
“KatieO’Dowdsaidyoumightbeasuck—”
Pressingmyfingerstohermouthbeforeshesaysanythingmore,Icutheroffandtease,“You

needtostoplisteningtoKatieO’Dowd.Shetalkstoomuch.”

“Shehadalotofgoodthingstosayaboutyou.”
“Ifshehassuchfondmemories,whatmadehersendyouinwhileshestayedhome?”
“Pregnant.”
Takenaback.Ididnotseethatcoming.“I’mnotgonnalie.Myheartstoppedthereforasecond.”
Sheburstsoutlaughing.“Don’tworry,you’resafe.She’sonlythreemonthsalongandshe’spretty

sureit’sherhusbands.”

Istartlaughing.“Prettysure?”
“Iwasjoking.“She’shappilypregnantbyherhusband.”
Notworriedintheleast,butit’sfuntopretend.Iwipethesweatfrommyforeheadandpuffoutmy

cheeksinanexaggeratedexhale.“Weshoulddrinktothat.”

“Canyoujoinme?”
“Maybe.”
“Whatwillturnthatmaybeintoayes?”
“Answers.”
“I’llgiveyouanyanswersyouwant.”
Ipourawhiskey—neat—andsay,“Comeon.There’satableoverthere.Wecantalk.”WhenI

comeoutfrombehindthebar,Ifollowhertothetable.Eveninthatdamnsuitherjacketisjustshort
enoughtoshowoffthatgreatass.ShetakesaseatandIsitacrossfromher.“ToKatieO’Dowd.”Itap
myglasstothewoodtoponce,thentakealongdrinkofmywhiskeywhiletakingagoodlookather.
WhenIsetitdown,Iseehowbundledanduptightsheseems.Sheoffered,soI’mgoingtoaskthe
questions.“What’syourlastname,Virginia?”Thenameisstartingtofitthewomaninfrontofme,
feelingmorenaturaltosay.

“Ryan.MylastnameisRyan.”
VirginiaRyan.Ilikehername,almostasmuchasIlikeher.SureI’mstillalittlemadather,but

that’sjustmystubbornsidekeepingmefromagoodtime.“It’sfunnywehavetwofirstnamesasour
lastnames.”

Thatkeepsthatsmile,thoughunsure,hangingonherfacelongenoughformetomemorizeher

featuresandseethebeautyinheruncertainty.“Thatisfunny.Andifweevergotmarried,Iwouldn’t
havetochangemyinitials.”

Normallythereinswouldbepulledwaybackatthemerementionofmarriage,butwhenshesays

it,Ifindhertoocute.“Yep,becausestufflikethatisimportant,”Itease.Astheamusementfades,Iget
towhatIcantellshe’santicipating,maybedreading.“Whydidyouleavewiththatasshole?”

Shesighs.Shamecoversherwhenshelooksdownasifthatisthelastquestionshewantedto

answer.Whenhergazelifts,shetakesadeepbreathandthenexhales.“Idon’twanttolietoyou.”

“Thendon’t.”
“I’venottoldanyoneaboutthis,exceptKatiewhocalledmeoutonit.”Iwait,seeinghowhardthis

isforher.Idon’twanttointerruptsinceI’mmorecuriousthanbefore.“Itmaysoundnaïve...Imay

soundnaïve,butI’vehadacrushonhimsincethedayIstartedworkingatthecompany.He’soneof
thelawyersthere.AndI’mcompletelyinvisibletohim.”

“Becausehe’sanasshole.”
Shelaughs.“IguessI’mattractedtoassholes.”I’mnotanasshole.“Butitiswhatitis.”
“Didyouhavesexwithhim?”
Agaspcomesoutandhereyesarewide.“What?No.Ofcoursenot.Whywouldyouthinkthat?”
“Isn’titobvious?”Idon’tknowifmyreliefcanbeseen,butIfeelitineverycellofmybody.

Annihilationofrulenumberonewhilereloadingtotakeoutruletwo.Shit.Backupabit.Ineedto
slowthisrolldown.“Youwerewearingthesameclothesthismorninginthecabthatyouworelast
nightandyousaidyouliveinManhattan,butyouweredrivinginfromBrooklyn.”Myreplayofher
morningappearstoentertainher,somuchthatherlaughterechoesaroundus.Thebeautifulsound
capturesanaudiencefromafewnearbytables.“What’ssofunny?”

“You.”Thoughshe’sstillgiggling,shemovesincloser,andsays,“IfIdidn’tknowbetter,Iwould

sayyouwerejealous.”

“Me?”ThistimeIscoff.“Togetjealousyouhavetocareandlastnightwasjustanothernightat

TheHideaway.”

“Wow,waytomakeagirlfeelspecial.”
“Youwerefeelingspecial.Nowthat,Iwillneverforget.”
“Wellmyanswerisnotexciting.IstayedatKatie’s.The,asyoucallhim,asshole,wasmeeting

friendsinthearea.ItoldhimIwouldbeinBrooklyntooandthatweshouldgetadrink.Inever
expectedhimtocome.AsIsaid,he’sstoodmeupbefore.”

“Yousaidyouwereinvisibletohim.Hewouldn’thavewalkedintothisbarifhedidn’tseehow

beautifulyouare.”

“HelooksatmelikeI’moneoftheguys.IwanthimtolookatmelikeI’moneofthegirls.”
“Sexandemotionsdon’talwayshavetogohandinhand.I’vehookedupwithplentyofwomen

andwebothwalkedawaysatisfiedanddidn’tneedtoexchangenumbersandtalkaboutitafterwards.”
Hereyesaresetonmine,hangingoneveryword.“Look,Virginia.Ifheshowedup,hehassome
interest,butIknowhistype.It’snottohaveaconversationandromanticwalkswithyouonthe
beach.”

AbsorbingwhatI’msaying,shepondersamoment,andthenasks,“You’resayingthatjust

becausehetalkstomedoesn’tmeanhewantsmorethansexwithme?”

“Exactly.”
“Imightbeokaywiththis.”Hereyeswiden,thelightattheendofthetunnelcomingintofullfew.

“Whatyousaid.Ineedtodosexthingswithoutworryandjusthavefun.Thenhe’llseemeasmore
thanthenumbersgirl.IfIkeepitlightandthenmakemymoveandseducehim,hewon’tbeableto
resist.”

“That’snotreallywhatIwassay—”
“Thisisperfect.Hardy,you’reamazing.”Shesetshersightsonmenow.“Ineedyourhelpsince

you’resogoodatseparatingsexfromemotion.”Ishouldbeupsetthatsheseesmethisway,buther
trainofthoughtintriguesme.“Ihaveapropositionforyou.”

TheonlyproblemIseeisthatmyemotionsaresoentangledinherthatI’mnotsureifthey’re

hersormineanymore.Ineedseparationfromhertogetproperperspectiveonwhatshe’sreally
saying.Theremightbeaninsulthiddeninthere,butKatie’sadviceisnotthegreatest.Sheclearly
needsmyhelp.Ifinishmydrinkandsettheglassdown.“Goon.”

Fidgeting,shesays,“Iwantyoutolookatsomething.”
“Shoot.”
Shereachesintoherpurseandpullsoutaphoto,thensetsitonthetableandpushesittowardme.

“Lookatthis.”

Ipickthephotoupandstareatit.It’snotaflatteringphoto—somegirlwiththick-lensedglasses

andbraids,anoddorangetinttoherhairandheadgear.Toaddmoresalttothispoorgirl’swound,
she’swearingacanaryyellowturtleneckandpurplesweatshirtoverit.Glancingup,Iputthephoto
backdown.“Whatisthis?Whoisthis?”

“That’sme.”Sheactuallymanagestoholdastraightfacewhensheconfessesthis.
Grabbingthepicturebackfromthetable,Iholditupagain.“Thisisyou?”Ifailatkeepingthe

astonishmentfrommyvoice.

“Itis.Senioryearinhighsch—”
“Senioryear?Holyshit.”Oops.“Imean,wow.You’vechanged.”Lookingathersuit,Iadd,

“Mostly.”

Shockrollsoverherandshegrabsherjacketbythelapelsandlooksdown.“What?Youdon’tlike

mysuit?”

“Ummm,it’sokay.”
Whenhershoulderssag,Iadd,“Imeanitcouldbeworse.”
“Notreallybythesoundofit.Geez.AsifIdidn’tfeelbadenough—”
“I’msorry.Idon’tmeantohurtyourfeelings.I’mjustinshock.”
“AmIthathideousinthephoto?”
“Youwereneverhideous.Youwerejusthidingbehind,”Istarttosay,movingmyfingeroverthe

topofit,“alotofshit.There’salotgoingonhere.”

“That’swhyIneedyourhelp.”
“HowcanIhelpyou?”Iasknotsurewherethisisgoing.
“IwantyourhelptowinLowry.”
“What’saLowry?”
“Theasshole.That’saLowry.”
Whoa.Whoa.“Whoa.Backup.Youwantmyhelpwinningtheattentionofthatassholefromlast

night?”

Sheeagerlynodswithawidesmile.“Yes.Exactly.”
“MaybeI’mabitslow,butletmegetthisstraight.Youwantmetohelpyousomehowgetthe

attentionofsomeguywhodoesn’tdeserveyourattention,muchlessyourtimeofday?”

“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Becauseyouknowhowtogeteveryone’sattentionwithouteventryingandthenyouknowallthat

otherstuff.”

“Whatotherstuff?”
“Thesexstuff.”
Thistime,myeyesgowidebeforetheynarrowinutterconfusion.“Whatsexstuff?”Ohman,that

pinkIlovesomuchcolorshercheeks.Howdoessheworkthebravadoshygirlthingsowell?She’s
notevenawareofhowsheaffectsmen.Unicorn.

Leaningoverthetable,sheglancesaroundtomakesurenoonehearsher.“Lastnight.Whatwe

didlastnight.”

Dot.
Dot.
Connect.
“Youwantmetoteachyousexstuff?”Ididn’tthinkmyeyescouldgowiderbutnowthey’re

practicallyhangingoutindisbelief.

Shenods.

Irepeat,“Youwantmetoteachyousexstufftogettheattentionofthatassholewhodoesn’t

deserveyourattention,nortimeofday?”

Shenodsagain.“Willyouhelpme?”I’mnotsurehowlongI’vebeenstaringather,butit’slong

enoughforhertoclapherhandsinfrontofmyface.“Youstillwithme?”

“How?”
“Howwhat?”Shesitsbackdown,lookingalittleconfusedherself.

hakingmyhead,Iask,“Howdoyouwantmetoteachyou?”

Thewayshetalksaboutthisasifthisissoordinary,likewe’refiguringoutwheretoorder

takeouttonight.“I’vebeenthinkingaboutit.Youmademerealizelastnightthatitwouldbelike
lessonsinlove,inromance.”

“Inseduction?”
“Yes.”
“Youunderstandthat’snuts,right?”
“Ido,butwhatI’mdoingnowisn’tworking.”Lookingdown,sheholdsherjacketout.“Atall.I

needhelp.Yourhelp.Yougetanywomanyouwant.Womenthrowthemselvesatyou.Youknowhow
toreadtheirwantsandneeds.Youknowhowtomakeawomanfeelspecialwithoutfeelingdirty.”

“Unlesstheywantthat.”
Thatmakesherlaugh.“Yes,unlesstheywanttofeeldirty.”
“Hey,Hardy?”Eddiecallsfrombehindthebar,andwavesmeover.
Webothlookoverandthenbackateachother.Isay,“Theyneedbackup.”
“Whatdoyousay?Willyouhelpme?”
“I’mnotevensurewhatthisentails.”
Shepushesthephotobacktowardme.“Whenisyournextnightoff?”
“Sunday.”
“Wecantalkthen,gooverthedetails.Youcandecideafterthat.Ifyousayno,Iwon’tblameyou.

Butifyousayyes,”shesays,herexcitementgrowing,“wecanplotitallout,settherulesandsuch.”

StandingupwhenEddiecallsmeagain,Irunmyhandthroughmyhair.“Thisiscrazy.”
Shestandsaswell,closetome,toofarformyliking.“Icantellyoulikelivingdangerously.”
Idon’tlikewhenthedangerinvolvesmyheart,butIknowI’mgoingtoacceptthechallenge,

readytoputitontheline.“Idon’tdothingsondares.”

“Thenwhatwillgetyoutodothis?”
“Ilikehomemadelasagna.”I’mamightygoodcook,butImightjusthavefunwiththis,andscore

ahome-cookedmealoutofthisnutballidea.

“Done.How’sseven?”
Ilikehertoomuchtosayno.“Thatworks.”Ihandhermyphone.“I’lltextyoudirectionstomy

place.”

Shequicklyaddshernumberintomycontactsandsays,“Iputmynumberundermynewfavorite

drink.”Handingitbacktome,shebouncesonceonherfeetandthenliftstohugme.

MyarmswraparoundherandIinhalethesensualvanillaI’vecometoloveintomylungs.My

bodyrelaxes,andIwishweweren’tinthemiddleofthebar.Steppingbackabruptly,Isay,“I’vegotta
go.”

“Thankyou.”
Inodandheadtothebar.WhenIlookbackather,she’sheadingforthedoor.
Eddiesays,“Jaggercalledinsick.”

“Ishe?”
Helaughs.“Ithinkhe’sdickdeepinthegirlfromthecornerdeli.”
TMI.Ilookatthedoor,hopingtoseeVirginiaoncemore,butshe’sgone.“I’llfillin.Justcovera

fewmoreminutes.”Idashtothedoorandpushitopen.Whenmyfeetlandonthesnowcovered
sidewalk,Ilookrightandthenleft,searchingforher.Whenmyeyeslandonhergreatbody,Icall
out,“HeyVirginia?”

Snowisfalling,littlewhitedotscoveringherhairwhensheturnswithaflourish,asweetsmileon

herlips.Myhearthurtsjustlookingather.She’ssobeautiful.Iopenmymouthtotellher—Youwere
neverinvisibletome—butthatdoesn’tcomeout.Instead,Ichickenout,andsay,“SeeyouSunday.”

Hersmilesgrowsandshereplies,“SeeyouSunday,Hardy.”

CHAPTERSEVEN

ynightismorethancocktails.Alongwithdrinks,it’squitebusywithoffers.WhenIserve
twelvetequilashotstoabacheloretteparty,thefavorisreturnedintheformofaninsultingtwo-

hundred-dollaroffertostrip.I’mworthwaymorethantwohundredbucks.AndifIweretostrip,it
wouldn’tbeformoney,butforfunandhopefullysexattheend.WhatthefuckamItalkingabout?
Oh,andnooffensetoanystripperswhomightbereadingthis.Virginiahasmymindallmuckedup
tonight.Shewantsmetogiveherlessonsinlove.I’mseriouslytheluckiestfuckertowalkthisplanet.

Backtotheoffers...whenIserveamerlot,anofferofablowjobcomesbackinsteadofatip.A

bottleoftequilacelebratingagirls’nightoutisdeliveredandwithhandsthatleanmoreonthe
pawingsidetheyoffertotakemehomeandravagemybodylike,andIquote,“adingotoababy.”I
triedtoshakethedisturbingthoughtfrommybrain,butwhenIcouldn’t,Ididn’tbothertoanswer.I
justwalkedaway.

I’mtootiredtofendthemoff,soit’stimeformetogobeforeIregretstayinganddoing

somethingI’llregretevenmoreinthemorning.Theguyscanhandlethelasthourbeforeclosing.
ThetempshavedroppedevenlowerthanearlierandIdidn’tbringmyheavyjacket.ThetwoblocksI
coverinthesnowatabreakneckpacekeepsthechillatbay.

Thestreetsarequiet,whichIlike,andifIlistencarefully,Icanalmosthearthesnowfalling.I

stopinfrontofmybuildingandlookup,closingmyeyes,andlisten.Hardy,Iwantyou.Herwords
fromlastnightechothroughthenightanddownmystreetinthewind.Openingmyeyes,snowflakes
landonmylashes.Lessonsinseduction.“Woohoo!”Ijumpup,feelinglikeIjustwonthelottery.
Seduction.I’mthekingofit.IcannotwaitforSundaynight.Ipunchinthebuildingcode.Alittle
wining.Alittledining.Alittleromanceandalotofseduction.NowthatiswhatIcallajackpot.

WhenIunlockmyapartment,theplaceisdark,theonlylightcomingfromthestreetlightatthe

corneroftheblock,whichistoofartobeabother.Itossmykeysinthebowlandshutthedoor.
Standinginthemiddleofmylivingroom,somethingnewwashesthroughme.AfeelingI’venever
feltlivinghere.Ibrushitawayandgoaboutwindingdown.It’shardtodowhenyouwerewired
thirtyminutesprior.

Itakeashower,hopingthewarmwaterrelaxesmymusclesandmymind.Itdoesneither.Neither

doesVirginia.Speakingofmuscles,BigRichardishard.Again.Wrappingmyhandfirmlyaround
mycock,Istartslowwithimagesofthatpink,mynewestfavoritecolor.Myspeedpicksupwhenwe
kiss—soft,plush,willinglips.Soclose.Sofuckingclose.Herlowerlipsevensofter,wetter.My
fingersslidethroughandfuckheralloveragain...andI’mcoming.Fuckme.Fuck.

Myfreehandisagainstthetile,myheadundertheshowerspray,andIloosenmygrip.Goddamn

it.She’sgoingtobethedeathofme,andBigRichard.We’llseewhocansurvivethelongestcome
Sundaynight.

ednesday.Check.

Thursday.Friday.Check.Check.

Saturday.Fuck.
I’minnomoodtobehere.Ipullatthenoosearoundmyneckandorderanotherwhiskey.Neat.

Steppingofftotheside,butstickingclosetothebar,mycomfortzone,Isurveytheroom.That’s
whenI’mblindsidedormaybeit’smoreofasidelinetackle.Eitherway,Ididn’tseeitcoming.Orher,
morespecifically.

“HardyRichard.It’sbeentoolong.”
Notlongenough.“Hasit,Isabella?”
“Youwerealwayssofunny.”It’simpressivehowshemanagestosaythatwithoutsmiling.Maybe

theBotoxhasgonetwolayersdeep,whichisaboutasdeepasIsabellaCollins,formerlyIsabella
TreatonwhenIdatedher,gets.

“Myparentscallitsarcasm.Youmightrememberitgotmeinalotoftrouble.”
“Youwerealwaysinalotoftrouble.”Shetouchesmytietostraightenit,butIcoverherhandand

kindlyremoveit.“Butwhat’sthefuninplayingitsafe?Ilikethisburgundytie.It’ssofestiveforthe
season.”

Iignorethecompliment.TheyalwayscomewithulteriormotivesthatI’mnotinterestedingetting

involvedinagain.“Asforplayingitsafe,youhaveakid,andahusbandwhocommutesfrom
Connecticut.DoyoualsohaveadogandaMercedes?”

“ACavalierKingCharles,morespecifically,andaMercedesGLSSUVinIridiumSilver.”
“Youdon’texactlywalkonthewildside.”
“Youthinkbecauseyou’resingle,I’mstillassumingbythatbareringfinger,andyoulivein

Brooklynthatyou’relivingthehighlife?”

“Ididn’tsayIwas,butI’mliving,experiencing,andI’mbetteroffthanIwasfouryearsago.”
“Betteroff?”Sheappearsreflectiveasshesipsherchampagne.Whenherlightblueeyeshitmine,

sheasks,“Wehadsomegoodtimestogether,right?”

“Wewerealikeinmanyways,butwewereterribletogether.”God’shonesttruth.Wewerelucky

thecopswerenevercalledduringoneofourblowoutfights.Thewomanknowshowtousewords
thatcutrighttoyourcore.Shealsohasalwayshadaphilanderingproblem.That’swhyit’sjustbetter
toavoidthatcatastropheoflockingoneselfdowntoanotheraltogether.Thenwhenyoufuckaround
withsomeone,nooneelsegetshurt.

“Irememberussodifferently.Livinginthecitywithgreatpayingjobsrightoutofcollege.You

hadthatgreatapartmentwiththeview.Somanygoodmemoriesweremadethere.”

“Ourfamily’sconnectionsaffordedusourdegreesandcareers.ItwasneverwhatIwanted.Iwas

workingtoprotecttheRichardnamewhiledestroyingmyself.”

“Youdidn’tseemunhappy.”
Ifinishmywhiskeyinonego.“Iwasdrowninginmylife,wakingupeverydaywishingIwas

livinganother.”

Eyeingmyemptyglass,judgmentcreasesherforeheadassheraisesaneyebrow.AmotionI’m

surprisedshecanstillmake.“You’redoingagoodjobnow.”

“Ihavedifferentreasonstodrownouttonight.”
“Yousoundbitter,Hardy.It’ssadtoseesomeonewithsomuchpotentialthrowitallawayona

walkupinBrooklynandarundownbar.”

Isetmyglassonthetraybehindthebarandwalkaway.It’sabadhabitI’vedeveloped.OnceI

turnedtwenty-eight,Iranoutofpatienceforpeoplewhocarrynegativityaroundlikethelatest
designerbag.IsabellaCollinsisthequeenofholdingmypastagainstme.Shewasalwaysoneforthe
lowblow.

“Hardy?”
Istopwalking,theexitissoclose,butslipsfrommyreachwhenIhearmymother ’svoice.

Plasteringabigsmileonmyface,Iturnaround.“Mother.Iwasjustlookingforyou.”Liesto
appease.

Herfacelightsup.She’sactuallyareallygoodmom.Isabellajusthasawayofsouringagood

mood.Igreetmymomwithakisstohercheekandahug.Sheembracesmeandthenleansbacktoget
agoodlookatme.“Honey,youlooksohandsomeindarkgray.Yoursuitfitsyouperfectly.Isthis
custommade?Thoughyou’retooskinnylivinginthecity.It’ssocompetitivethere.Youshouldmove
backtoConnecticutandletmefeedyouhomecookedmealseverynight.”

ThesuitisGucciandtailoredtome,butIknowshe’smoreworriedaboutmyeatinghabits.

Chuckling,Isay,“IfeelbetterwhenI’mfit.”

Wrappingherarmaroundmyback,sheleansherheadonmyshoulder.“I’mallowedtoworry

aboutmyyoungest.Youdon’tneedanythingelsefromme,sogivemethat.Okay?”

“Yes,Mother.”
Thistimeshelaughs.Loudenoughthatafewpeoplelookourway.Shehasalwayshadafree

spirit,notcaringwhatothersthoughtofher.Whatshedoesn’trealizeisthateveryoneadoresher.

Virginia’slaughringsthroughmyearsandanimageofherpopsintomyhead.Mymother

whispers,“Areyouseeinganyone?”

Thewomanhasasecondsenseforwhenherkidsmeetsomeoneworthseeingtwice.“Nah.”
Herhandsareclaspedtogetherinfrontofhermouth,asmilerivalingtheGrandCanyon,andI

actuallyseeamischievousdelightdancinginhereyes.ThatorI’vebeenreadingtoomanyPlayboy
storiesonline.That’sprobablyit.Yeah,yeah,Ireaditforthearticles.Igetenoughoftherealthingin
reallife.Idon’tneedpicturesofwomenwho’vebeenphotoshoppedtogetmeoff.I’vegotenough
offersandspankbankmaterialinmyheadtodothejobjustfine.

Damn,IforgotI’mwithmymom.Ishudder,riddingtheimagesnowcirculatingaroundmybrain,

Isay,“Ihaven’tseenDadyet.”

“He’sheresomewhere,”shereplies,lookingaroundtheballroom.“We’veraisedoverfive

hundredthousandalready.”

“Bigdonations.”
“Yes,thefundraiserisdoingwell.CanIbotheryouforadonation?”
“Nobother.Howmuchdoyouwant?”
“Fivethousandwouldbegreat.Tenwouldbebetter.”
Ireachformycheckbook,pullingitfromtheinsidepocketofmyjacket.“Pen?”Shehandsoneto

me.Iwriteoutacheckforthefullamounthintedatandhandittoher.

“Thankyou,Son.Now,gogetsomethingtoeatbeforeIhavetoforcefeedyousomeofmypot

roast.”

“Youdon’thavetoforce-feedmeyourpotroast.I’dtakeithappily.”
“MaybeyoucancomefordinneronSundaynight?”
Sunday.Virginia.“Ican’tSunday,butmaybeanotherone?”
Apatonthebackisfollowedbyalaugh.Shesays,“Yes,you’rewelcomeanySunday,Son.Now

goeat.Thefoodisbeingserved.”

IfindmyplacecardrightnexttoIsabella,andIhaveasneakingsuspicionitwasn’tthere

originally.I’mtemptedtocutoutearlynowthatI’vemademydonation,butIhaven’tseenmydadyet
andthelectureIwouldgetfornotstayingisn’tworthit.Ispymyparentssittingdownfivetablesto

theleftfront,closertothestage.

“Ithoughtyou’dbegonebynow,Hardy.”
Pullingmychairoutjustasaplateissetinfrontofme,Ireply,“Thankyou,”tothewaiter,andto

Isabella,“Soon.”

“Youactlikethisispainfulforyou.Areyouthatmuchofasnobthesedays?”
IalmostspitoutthewaterIjustdrank.“Me?Wow,I’mnotsurewhattosaytothat.”Lookingatthe

seatnexttoher,Iask,“Alone?”

“Unintended.”
“Mattalwayslovedhiswork.”
Shetakesherglassandfinishestherestofherchampagne.“Yes,hedoes.”
Isensehershiftinmood,butshehasawayoftwistingthingstoturnthembackonmeandI’mnot

inthemoodtojustifymylifetoheranymore.“Ifyou’llexcuseme,”Isay,pushingbackfromthe
table.“I’mgoingtosayhellotomydad.”

“Goodseeingyou,Hardy.”
WhenIlookbackather,hereyesseemfixedonherplate,herforkinhandstillonthetable.“See

youaround,Isabella.”

Iwalkupbehindmydad,andpathimontheshoulder.“Hey,Dad.”
He’salwaysbeenstrict,notlikemymom.Theyweredefinitelyanoppositesattractcouple.

Tonighthe’ssmilingandhasabeerbuzzbythelooksofit.“Hardy,myboy.”Hestands,settinghis
napkindown,andhugsme.“Goodtoseeyou,Son.”

“Goodtoseeyou,too.Youlookgood.”
Wigglingbackandforth,hetugsathisbelt.“Well,theoldman’sstillgotit.”
Ihearmymomlaugh.“Don’tencouragehim,Hardy.He’salreadyahandfulsinceheretired.”
“What?Whendidyouretire?”Iask,shockedtohearmyworkaholicfatherhaslefthistop

priorityinlife.

“Lastweek.Ididn’tmakeabigfusstoyoukids.Youhaveenoughgoingon.”
“Ialwayswanttoknowwhat’sgoingonwithyouandthisisbignews.Congratulations.”
“Thanks,Son,”herepliesjollily.“MaybeI’llcomevisityouatTheHideaway.Wecanhavea

drink.”

Mydad’sneverbeentherebefore.Mymomhascomebyafewtimesbeforeopeninghours.She

approvedbutleftbeforeasshesays,“Theladiesshowuptobedme.”Besidesbeinggrossedoutthat
mymomevensaid,“bedme,”Iquicklyescortedherouttocatchacabbecauseshe’srightandno
momshouldhavetowitnesstheirsoninallhischarmingglorymaketheladiesswoon.“Sure,Dad.
Justletmeknow.Drinksareonme.”

“Surething.”
“I’mgoingtotakeoff.”Ishakehishandandhugmymomoverhershoulder.“Goodtoseeyou.”
Mydad,unlikehisnormaluptightself,says,“Don’tbeastranger.”
“Iwon’t.”
“Thankyouforthedonation,”mymomadds.“Loveyou.”
“Loveyou.”IsnakethroughthetablesandheadoutbeforeIgetstoppedagain.Therearetoo

manyghostsfrommypastatthischarityeventandImuchpreferthedarkbrunettewithgreeneyes
hauntingmythoughts.

CHAPTEREIGHT

:35p.m.

5:36p.m.

5:37p.m.
Thisisridiculous.
WhyamIamessoverawoman?SincewhendidIstartlosingmycooloverachickbringingme

food?

There’saknockonthedoor.Iruntoanswer,thencatchmyselfassoonasIgrabholdofthe

doorknob.Fuck,calmdown.Itakeadeepbreath.Playitcool.Playitcool.Ilookdown.Myheartmay
besteadier,butsomeoneelsejustwokeup.Fuck.

Idotenquickjumpingjacksanduseatrickthat’sneverfailedme.
Washington.
Adams.
Jefferson.
Madison.
Monroe.
Adams.
Jackson.
Shit.I’veforgottenwhocomesnext.Iopenthedoor,andask,“Whichpresidentcomesafter

Jackson?”

Shewaltzespastmelikeshe’sbeenhereamilliontimes.“VanBurenandthenHarrison.”Setting

theglassdishonthekitchencounter,shelooksupatme,andsmiles.“Thisisfun.Let’splaymore.”

“Tyler.”
“Polk.”
“Taylor.”
Andinunison,wesay,“Fillmore.”
Shelaughs,slippinghercoatandscarfoff.“Sodirty.”
Ihangherstuffuponthehookbythedoor.“Ineverthoughtaboutit,butnowthatyousayit,

Fillmoreisdirty.”Ijoinherontheothersideofthebar,keepingthemarblecounterbetweenus.Also,
justincaseBigRichardisstillawake,he’llneedcover.

“WhyarewerecitingthePresidents?”
Shrugging,Iplayitoff.“Justkeepingmymindsharp.”
Sheopensabagshesetdownwiththelasagna,whichsmellsamazingbytheway.Pullingouta

bottleofwine,shesays,“Ilovebraingames.MyfavoriteisMemory.”

Isitonthebarstoolandwatchherassheunpacks.Herexpressionishappyandcarefreeasshe

talksaboutthegame.Ilikehearingaboutherfavoritethings.Ittellsmemoreabouther,andfeels
personal,insteadofthebullshitalotofpeopletalkabout.Sheasks,“Haveyouplayed?”

“Iplayedasakid.”
“Thisismuchmorechallengingthanthecardgamewhenyouwerelittle.”Shetwiststhecapoff

thewine,andadds,“Wine?”

“Yes.”Iwatchherworkaroundmykitchen,makingherselfathome.
Shepullstwoglassesfromwheretheyhangupsidedowninsideacabinetbeforereturningtothe

wineandpouring.Shesetsaglassinfrontofmeandwaits.“Ihopeyoulikeit.Iaskedawineguyto
helpmeattheliquorstore.Hesaiditwouldbeagoodpairingwithlasagna.”

“Asommelier?”
“No,justtheguywhoownsthecornershopdownbymywork.”
Swirlingitaroundfromthebaseoftheglass,Ican’tstopfromsmiling.“Youdidn’thavetodoall

this,butpleaseknow,Ithinkit’sverythoughtful.”

“I’maskingalotofyou.TheleastIcandoisgetyoudrunkfirst.”Shelaughsatherownjoke.
Itwasfunny,butthatsheenjoyeditsomuchisfunnier,soIlaughinresponse.“Soyou’retrying

tobuttermeuporgetmedrunk?”

“Maybeboth.”
“Whatexactlydoyouhaveinmind?”
“IthinkI’llfeedyou,andkeepyourglassfull.LetyourelaxwhileIcleanupafter.Andthen

hopefullywegetstarted.”

“Imeantthelessons,nothowyouplantotakeadvantageofme.”Itakemyfirstsipofthewine

afterlettingitbreathe,althoughnotquiteaslongasIshould.“I’mnotaseasyasyouseemtothink.”

“Really?Wewereinyourofficenottwohoursaftermeeting.”
“Ifoundyouadorablyfascinating.”
Shecanonlyholdourlockedeyesafewsecondsmorebeforehergazelowerstothedishonthe

counter.“Areyouhungry?”

“Famished.”
Shelooksupandhertonguedipsouttowetherlowerlipbeforeittugsunderherteeth.She

doesn’trealizehowsexyshereallyis—abombshellthathitsyouwhenyou’reweak.Theairis
noticeablythicker.Sheexhalesaheavierbreath,butthistimehereyesstayonmine.“Lasagna?”

Slowly,Icomearoundthecounterandstandnexttoher.Sheleansherhipagainstthecounter,

facingme,andIsay,“Lessonone.Theartofflirting.”

“ItoldyoutheothernightthatI’mnotatotalvirgin.I’vehaddates.I’vekissedplentyofmen.I’ve

madeoutwiththem.”

“Thisisn’taboutsexormakingout.Thisisanartform.Ifyouwantmyhelp,andIreallyhope

youdo,thenwestartfromthebeginning.”

Tuckingsomehairbehindherear,Iletmygazedrifttoherlipsandthenlower,runningover

everyinchofherwithouttouchingheratall.Hersweateristhinaswellasherbra,hernipples
hardeningbeforeme.ThedeepVdisplaysherdelicateneckandteasesmewithapeekather
collarbone.I’mtemptedtorunmytonguealongthecurveofherneckandlower.It’shardtohold
backaftertastingheaven.

Whensheraisesherarmacrossherbodyandholdsontotheoppositeshoulder,Iwhisper,“No.

Nohidingfromme.”

“But—”
“No.Vulnerabilityissexy.It’sgenuineandreal.You’representingyourselftome,showingme

what’sinhere.”Irubhertemplegentlybeforetakingherhandandkissingthepalm.

“Whatdoyousee?”

“Iseetheshygirlwhohidesbehindbulkysuitsandnumbers.Ialsoseethewomanwhowants

thoselayerspeeledawayandherbodybare.”

She’sbreathless,herchestrisingandfallingquickly.“Ithoughtweweregoingtoflirt.”
“Flirtingisforeplay.Areyouturnedon?”
Hergazelowersthistime,andmybodyawakensinreaction.Idon’thidemyerectionthistime.I

wanthertoseewhatshedoestome.Iwanthertoknowhowmuchsheturnsmeon.Reachingformy
wineglass,Itakeitwhilepickinguphers.Ihandittoherandmakeatoast,“Togoodwineandeven
bettercompany.”Ourglassesclinktogetherandourgazesholdwhilewedrink.“Letmeserveyou
dinner.”

“ButIthoughtIwould.”
“Youmadeitandbroughtitoverhere.Letmedosomethingforyou.”
“Youare,Hardy.You’rehelpingmesomuch.Lowrywillnotbeabletoturnmedown.Ijustknow

it.”

Themagicdisappearsfromthemerementionofthatasshole.He’saglaringreminderthat

feelingsaren’talwaysreturned.Sometimestheyremainone-sided.“Letmedoitanyway.Tableor
couch?”

Shelooksaroundtheroom,andsays,“Youhaveagreatapartment.Couch.”
“Thanks.”Istruggletokeepthedefeatoutofmytone.“Yougosit.Relax.I’llfinishinhere.”
Movingintothelivingroom,shewalksaroundthespaceslowly,lookingateverythingfromthe

knickknacksonthebookcasestostaringoutthewindowatthestreetbelow.“You’reonlytwofloors
upandthereisabsolutelynooutsidenoise.Youmusthavesomenicewindows.”

“Arewereallytalkingaboutwindowsrightnow?”I’veheatedthelasagnaanddelivertheplateas

shesitsonthecouch.

“IguessI’malittleawkward.Sorry.IgetcaughtupintheunimportantstuffwhenI’mnervous.”
Withmyplateinhand,Isitnexttoheronthecouch.“See?ThatrightthereisexactlywhatIdon’t

want.Idon’twantyourapologiesorforyoutobenervous.Ijustwantyour—”Body.“—friendship.”

“Youhaveit.”Sheleansbackwithherglassinhand.“CanIaskyousomethingpersonal?”
“Youcanaskmeanything.Asforanswering,thatremainstobeseen.”
“Wereyoualwaysthisconfident?Thiscomfortablewithwhoyouare?”
“No,”Isay,chucklingfromtheunexpectedquestions.“Iwentthroughanawkwardstageintenth

grade.Myheadfinallyfitmybody,myteethwerestraight,andIgrewoverfourinches—mybody,
dirtygirl—andkindofgrewintome,intothisbody.”

Rubbingherpalmsdownherthighs,shepicksherglassbackupanddrinks.Whenshesetsitback

down,shesays,“IlikethebodyIgrewinto.Isthatrudeofmetoadmit?”

She’ssodamnsexy.“No,notatall.Iwanttoseeyoumorecomfortableinthatbodythough.”
“Metoo.”Shetakesabiteofherlasagna.
“Whatisyourfavoritepartofyourbody,theonethingorthingsyouenjoyshowingoff?”
“Myboobs.”
“Youhavefantastictits.”
“Hardy,”shecautionswhilelaughing.
“Ionlyspeakthetruth.”
Asmuchasshedoesn’twanttoadmitthatthecomplimentpleasesherbecauseofthevulgar

language,shelovesitjustasmuch.Withanotherbiteperchedonherfork,sheasks,“What’syour
favoritepartofyourbody?”

“IknowyouthinkI’mgoingtosaymydick,butI’mnot.”
Shegiggles.“Whatisitthen?”
“Youtellme.”

“Cheater.”
“I’mtheteacher.Imaketherules.”
Lookingmeover,shesays,“Yourfingers.Ilikehowstronganddefttheyare.”
Iwigglethemjusttoaddtothememoryofhowtheywiggledinsideherearlierthisweek.Heaven.
“Youreyesbecauseofthehazelcolorandthewaytheychange,butmostlybecauseoftheway

theylookatme.”

“Howdotheylookatyou?”
“LikeI’mbeautiful.”
“Youaresobeautifulthatpartsofmysoulachetotouchpartsofyours.”
Shetakesinashakybreathandswallowshard.“Youcan’tgoaroundsayingthingslikethateven

thoughyou’reteachingmehow.Becauseforabriefsecond,Ibelievedyou.”

“Youcanbelievemeformorethanasecond.Iwastellingyouthetruth.Nothingissexierthanthe

truthsharedbetweentwotrusting,”Isay,movingclosertoheronthecouch,“consensualadults.”My
breathingchanges,themereproximitytoheraffectingme.“Iwanttokissyou.”

“Ithoughtwewerepracticingflirting?”
“Practicing?”Isitforward,restingmyforearmsonmyknees.“Yes,right.Practicing.”
“Wecanmoveonfromthatifyouwant.IfyouthinkI’mready.”
Ready.I’msoready,butthere’snowayI’mrushingmytimewithheraway.“We’lltakeitslow,

andgetitright.”

“HowamIdoingsofar?”
“Grand.Youalmostfooledme,butIsawthroughtheact.”I’msuchanidiot.
“Howoldareyou,HardyRichard?”
“Twenty-eight.Howoldareyou?”
“Twenty-fiveinthreeweeks.”
“YouwerebornaroundChristmas?”
“PeoplecallmeaChristmasbaby,but.IwasbornonChristmasEve.MymomsaidIwasn’tdue

untilNewYear ’sDay,butIcouldn’twaittostartmylife.”

“Yourmomsoundsalotlikemine.”
“Ibetyouwereahellion.”Sherestsherheadbackonthecouch,goingandlookingallbeautiful

again.

Asmirkslidesintoplace.“Whydoyousaythat?”
“You’rehandsomeandpersonable.You’rerunningasuccessfulbusinesssoclearlyyou’resmart.

Youtickalltheboxesofhavingtheworldfallatyourfeet.”

Leaningbacknexttoher,Ikickmyfeetuponthecoffeetable.“Everyonehastheirstruggles.

Minejustcamealittleafteryours.”

Themoodshiftsandsheasks,“Whendidyouloseyourvirginity?”
“Sixteen.”
“That’snotasearlyasIwasthinking.You’resuchaproatthisrelationshipstuffthatIthought

you’dsaysomethinglikefourteenoryounger.How’dyouloseit?Wasitromanticwithagirlyou
loved?”

“Nope.ItwasatClaraDuncan’ssweetsixteenparty.Thepartywasgoingonupstairsandwesnuck

downtothebasementandendeduphavingsexonarattyoldcouchdownthere.AndsinceIknow
you’regoingtoask—no,itwasn’tgoodandIsucked.IcameassoonasItouchedthetipofmydick
toher.IfumbledandthrustintoherfastwhenIpanicked.Shealmostscreamed.Ineverthoughtto
prepareherortoeasein.Yeah,itwasprettyawful.”

She’slaughingsohardthatittakesaminuteforhertogetenoughairgatheredtoask,“Didyou

dateheralongtime?”

“IdatedheruntilshebrokeupwithmethenextdayforChadMackenzie.Onceitgotaround

schoolthatsheputoutforme,everydickwadinschoolwasafterher.”

“That’stoobad.”
“Notreally.”Ilaugh.Thestoryistooridiculousnotto.Now.Hindsightandallthat.“Thehottest

seniorinschoolapproachedmeaweeklateraskingmeto...”IstopandlookatVirginia.

“What?”
Ichuckle.“Tohelpherout.”
Tiltingherhead,sherollshereyes,andteases,“IthoughtIwasdifferent.”
Youare.“Youare.”Shit.Iwatchherforareaction,prayingit’sagoodone.
Herfingersfumbletogetherinherlap,thatsweetestofpinksseeneveninthelowlightreaching

usfromthekitchen.“Yousaythenicestthings,Hardy.You’rereallygoodatthisflirtingthing.”

Sighing,IrealizeshethinksI’msayingthisaspartoftheplan,thatit’sputonandnotreal.Itake

mywineanddrink.“Thanks,”Ireply,disappointmentcoatingmywords.“Weshouldeatbeforeitgets
cold.”Ineverwasgoodathidingmyemotions.Maybeit’sbecauseIhatelying,andliarsevenmore.I
trytolivemylifeashonestlyaspossible.WhenIscrewup,Iownit.WhenIsucceed,Iownthatshit
too.

Thisgamewe’replayingisdangerous,butitseemsonlytomyheart.SoasmuchasIwanttotell

herI’mstartingtohavefeelingsforher,I’mnotreadytoloseher.She’sclearlyintotheasshole,so
notonlydoIfindmyselfnowlying,butI’vealsobecometheliarIloathe.

Stealingaglimpseofher,Irealize—She’stotallyworthit.

CHAPTERNINE

ilencestretchedacrossdinner,andIhatedit.Idon’twantthisforus.Afteranotherfewbites,Itell
her,“ThismightbethebestlasagnaI’veeverhad.”Truth.

Thatbrightensherspirit.“Really?”
“Really.”
“It’smygreat-grandmother ’srecipe.Shewasn’tItalianbutsheoncetoldmeaboutatorridlove

affairshehadwithachefwhilevisitingRomeinthetwenties.

Thingsbegintoturnaroundforusboth.Idolovemesomesexualbanter.“Torrid,huh?”
“Ithinkthatmeansshehadsexwithhimagainstherfamily’swishes.”
“Ithinkthatmeansalotmore.Howdoyoufeelabouttorrid?”
“Withyou?”Shesetsherplatedownandtakesasipofherwinebeforesittingbackandtucking

herlegsunderher.

Shelooksgoodonmycouch,makingmewonderwhatshe’lllooklikeonmybed.“Wecando

torrid?”

“IthinkIhaveafewotherlessonstolearnfirst.”
“Ithinkyou’redoingjustfine.”
“That’sbecauseyou’rebeingnice.”
Isetmyplatedown.“Stopsayingthat,okay?”Tappingherleg,Imakesureshe’slookinginmy

eyestoseeImeanwhatIsay.“WhenIsaysomethingtoyou,Imeanit.I’mnotsayingittomakeyou
feelbetteroronfalsepretenses.Ifyoufeelbetterbecauseofit,great.That’sabonus,butIdon’tlie
andI’mnotlyingtoyou.”

“I’msorr—”
“Idon’tneedyoutoapologizeeither.Iwantyoutorelaxandenjoyourtimetogether,likeIam.”
“It’sjustsoeasywithyou.It’sneverbeenlikethisbeforewithanyoftheguysIdated.”
“That’sbecausetheywantedtofuckyou.”
Theliltinhervoiceisheard,theanticipationseeninhereyes.“Andwhatdoyouwanttodo?”
Restingmyhandonherthigh,she’sright.It’seasybeingwithher.“Iwanttofuckyou.”
I’mpushedinthechestandfallbackonthecouchlaughing.She’slaughingandsays,“You’re

terrible.”

“I’malsoaguy.”WhenIsitup,Iadd,“AndIwantyoutofindlove.”
“Youmeanteachmetofindlove,”shecorrects,missingmysubtletyaltogether.
Onthetailendofanexhale,Igiveherwhatshewantstohear.“Yes,Virginia.Iwanttoteachyou

tofindlove.”

“SohowamIdoingwiththeflirting?”
“Betterthanyourealize.”

Sheappearspleased.Standingup,shecollectsourplates.“Wouldyoulikemore?”
“Definitely,”Ireply,nottalkingaboutthefoodatall.Watchingherinmykitchen,Iask,“Whatdo

youwant,Virginia?”

Shegigglesandcomesbacktothecouch.Handingmeasecondhelpingofdinner,sheadds,“I

reallywanttolookbackonmylifeandknowIhadatleastonegreatloveaffairthatIcanreflecton
fondlyandtellmygranddaughtersallabout.”

I’llbeyourtorrid.Justopenyoureyes,prettygirl.
Herexpressionturnsserious.“DoyouthinkLowrywillbethatguy?”
“IthinkLowryistheoppositeofanythingtorrid,butit’saboutwhatyouwant.NotwhatIwant.”
“IwantLowry.”
Aheavyrealizationweighsmedown.Thiswomanisgoingtobethedeathofme.“ThenI’llhelp

you.”

“How’sTuesdayforlessontwo?”
“Icanleaveworkearly.”
“OrIcancometoyourwork?WecanpracticetheflirtingandwhateverlessontwoisatThe

Hideaway.”

Herdedicationisimpressive,andI’mnotanidiot.“Okay.Justcomewhenever.I’lltakemybreak

afteryouarrive.We’llgetsomereallifepracticein.”

Justafternine,shestands.“Ishouldgetgoing.Ihaveabreakfastmeetingatsevenanditwilltake

meanhourtogethome.”

Stay.Mypsychologicalwillingpowersdon’tworkasshegrabshercoatandslipsiton.Itakeher

scarffromthehook.“Youhaveafewservingsleft.JustreheatandeatthoughsometimesIlikeit
cold.”

“Thanksagain...”Stay.Damn.Stilldoesn’twork.SheopensthedoorandIfollowherout.“So

I’llseeyouTuesdayatthebar.”

“Ilookforwardtoit.”
Wemakeourwaydownthestairs,andIholdthedooropenforher.Wewalkoutintothenight,the

coldhittingharderthanusual.“I’llgetyouacab.”

“Thanks.”
Walkingtothecurb,Iputmyarmout.Mystreetisquietbutjustbusyenoughtohavetaxistroll

lookingforfares.OnepullsupandVirginiacomestogetin.“Hardy?”

Turningtostandcloseenoughformetoinhaleherlittlewhitebreathspuffingbetweenus.

“Yeah?”

“Myscarf,”shesays,pointingatmyhands.
Oh.“Oh,sorry.”Itakeitinbothhandsandinsteadofhandingittoher,Ibringitaroundtheback

ofherneck.Pinklips,greeneyeswithinnocenceshadingthepupils,hairthatshinesevenatnight.So
utterlytemptingtopullhercloseandkissheruntilsheseesthatI’mdoingmorethanflirtingwithher.

Herhandscovermine.Thosedelicatelipspartandwestareintoeachother ’seyes.Afterafew

longbeats,shewhispers,“Ihadagoodtime.”

“Metoo.”Icupherfaceandleandown,closingmyeyes.Myheartisracingandherbreath

becomesmine,butIdon’tkissherlikeIwant.Iangletothesideandkisshercheek.“Besafe.”

I’mnotsureifIhearhergulporit’sminethat’sfillingourears,butthatphrasethestruggleis

realwasneversoprevalentasitisnow.Itakeastepbackandholdthedooropenforher.Hereyes
leavemineandsheslipsinsidethecab.Ihandthedrivermoneyandtellhimtotakeherhome.“Thank
you,”shesays.

Ishutthedoor,tapthetop,andmoveaway.Shovingmyhandsinmypockets,Inod.Withalittle

wavetome,thecabdrivesaway.Iwatchuntilthetaillightsdisappear.WhenIgoupstairs,vanillastill

lingers,makingmesmile.I’mgoingtohavetodosomesoulsearching.Whoknewonelittlegreen-
eyedanalystcouldflipyourworldupsidedownwithoutyouevenrealizingituntilit’stoolate?

Thissituationhasturnedintoaquandary,andassuch,I’mgoingtoneedtoconsultwiththeexpert

onlove—Romeo.

omeoRossi.TheladiescallhimTheItalianStallionofTheHideaway.I’mcallingonhimfor
advice.

“HowcanIhelpyou,myfriend?”heaskswhenItakeaseatatthebarinfrontofhim.We’reopen,

butatfourintheafternoononaMonday,it’snotbusy.Yet.

“Ineedtoaskyouaboutsomething,”Istartoffawkwardly.Thisissofaroutofmycomfortzone.

Notjustthespiderweboffeelingscomplicatingmylife,butaskinganyoneforadvice.I’vegiven
plentyofit,butI’mnotusedtoneedingit.“There’sthisgirl.”

Heleansagainstthewoodbarandsmiles.“IneverthoughtI’dseethedaywhenthebosshimself

wouldneedadvicefromoneofuslowlytenders.”

“Thiswasashitidea.Getthewhiskey.IcantellI’mgoingtoneedit.”
Whilehepoursmeaglass,Isay,“Iwouldn’tcometojustanyone.I’mcomingtoyoubecause

you’vehadlong-termrelationshipsandonebrokenengagement.Idon’tthinktheotherguysknowthe
namesofhalfthewomentheysleepwith,soyou’rethechosenone.”

“I’mhonored.”Hepushestheglasstowardme.
Aftershootingtheamberliquid,Isettheglassdown,andsay,“Imetherhere.”
“Whoa!”Hisbodyjerksasifhe’sbeenhitinthechest.“Youlivebytworul—”
“Iknow.That’swhyIcan’twrapmyheadaroundwhat’sgoingon.Ihave,”Istarttosay,butpause,

notbelievingthatI’mabouttosayitoutloudforthefirsttime.

“Youhavewhat?”
“Feelings.”
“Holyshit,Hardy.How’dthathappen?Isshehot?”
“Sohot.Wetdreamshot.AndIreallyhavenofuckingcluehowthishappened.”Irubmytemples.

“OneminuteIwaskissingherleadingintomore,andthenthenextshe’stellingmeshe’savirginand
I’mofferingtodancewithherinstead.”

“Insteadofwhat?”heasksshocked.
“Sex.”
“Whatthefuck?Youpassedupsexwithherbecauseshewasavirgin?”Nowhe’srubbinghis

templesasifhecan’tcomprehendthisactuallyhappening.

“Iwasn’tgoingtofuckherforthefirsttimeonadesk.Shedeservesbetterthanthat.”
“Igetthat,butwow.I’mseriouslyimpressedwithyourrestraint.”Restinghishandswideonthe

bar,heasks,“Maybeyouhavefeelingsforherbecauseshe’savirgin.”

“No,Ialmostfindthataspectmoreintimidating.Imeanreally.Whenwasthelasttimeyouwere

withavirgin?”

“Lastweek.”
HeanswerssocasuallythatImakesureIheardright.“Youwere?”
“Sure.SoIgetwhatyou’resaying.Youcan’tjustbendthemoverandhavethembeggingfor

morewhenthey’revirgins.”

“Exactly.Virginiadeservesromance.Shedeservestobewooedintobedandthenmadeloveto.”
“Letmegetthisstraight.She’sahotvirginnamedVirginia?”

“Theironywasn’tlostonmeeither.Anyway,Ihaven’tbeenwithavirgininalongtime.Those

aren’tthetypicalwomenIhookupwith.”“You’reoverthinkingit.Alltheywantistobemadeloveto.
Onceyougetthatfirsttimeoutoftheway,it’slikethey’remakingupforlosttime.I’mfucking
exhausted.We’vebeengoingatitthreetimes,sometimesuptofivetimesadaysinceIpoppedthat
cherry.”

Istandupandtakeastepback.“WemighthavecrossedthatlineofwhatIneedandwhatIdon’t

needtoknow.”

Romeolaughs.“Wegotofftrack,butifyouhavefeelingsforher,evendevelopingonesthatyou

aren’treadytoadmitto,youoweittoyourselftoseeifsomething’sthere.Iknowyoulivebyyour
tworulesandthey’veservedyouwell,butmaybeit’stimetoseeifthere’ssomethingmorewiththis
girl.”

“Stopmakingsomuchsense.You’resupposedtobetheonetellingmetobackasfarawayasI

can.”

Shrugging,hesays,“Youdon’tevercometomeforadvice.Theserolesareusuallyreversed,so

whenyousayyouhavefeelingsforachick,Iknowit’sserious.”Swipingtheglassheturnsandsetsit
inthesinkbehindhim.“Eventhegreatestofmeneventuallyfall.”

“SoundslikeI’mheadingintobattle?”
Hechuckles.“Thebattle’salreadylost,myfriend.It’stimetoraisethatsurrenderflagandgive

loveachance.”

Irollmyeyes.“Youalwayswereasap.”
“Asapinlove.Takesonetoknowone.”
“I’mnotinlove,”Imumblewhilewalkingtotheoffice.
Behindme,hecallsout,“Keeptellingyourselfthat.”
Iwill.Oh,Iwill.

CHAPTERTEN

heseedhasbeenplanted,andnowit’sgrowing.Asiffromsheerwillandwant,it’sbranching
outbeyondathought.Ithasbloomedintoaction.

IslidemyhandoutfromundertheTequilaSunrisesittinginfrontofme.
Noonehastoknow.
Nostringsattached.
Sexfornootherreasonthantofeelgood.
We’dwalkawaywithourloadslightened.Literallyandfiguratively.
“Iappreciatetheoffer,butI’mworking.”I’mnotlying,Idoappreciatetheoffer,butIam

working.AndsavingmybreaktimeforVirginia.

“Yousure.Icouldreallyusethecompany.”
Underanyothercircumstances,I’dtakeherintothebackwithouthesitation.Curvestokill.Blond

hairpulledbackintoaponytailbeggingtobepulledharder.Lipsthathadtobeinjectedtheywereso
full—readytolick.Readytosuck.Fuck.She’saflightattendantonalayover,forChrist’ssake.“I’m
sure,butI’llbuyyourdrink.”ItwastheleastIcoulddo.

“Thankyou,butIwouldhavepreferredagoodtime.MaybenexttimeI’mintown.”
“Stopby.”
Iwatchasshewalkstothedooranddisappearsintothenight—lonelyandhorny.“Fuck.”
Eddieasks,“What’sup?”
“Didyouseetheblonde?”
“Couldn’tmissher.Gorgeous.”
“Ijustturnedherdown.”
“Areyousick?Notfeelingwell?”
“I’mstartingtowonderthatmyself.”
Hesays,“Moreimportantly,whydidn’tyouintroduceme?”
“Becauseshewantedaman,notaboy.”
“Speakingof,how’sthede-virgininggoing?Orwoulditbeun-virgining?”
“Romeohasabigfuckingmouth.”
EddieislaughingtoohardtonoticeI’mnot.Hefinallysays,“Ithinkhewasintoomuchshockto

keepittohimself.Noneofushaseverseenyouhavegenuinefeelingsforawoman.Heneededtotalk
tosomeone.”

Anothereyerollhits.“Who’dyoutell?”
“Me?”heasksallinnocently.“OnlyClive.”
Closingmyeyes,Ishakemyhead.“Fuck,noweveryonewillknow.”
“Hesaidhe’dkeepitonthedownlow.Aboutdownlows,doesshe?”

Isendhimaharshglare.WhenIdon’trespond,hekeepschattering,andIwonderifhe’dkeep

goingevenifIwasn’there.Eddie’sthemostpersonablebartenderhere.Theladieslovehimbecause
hecharmsthemwithstories,keepingthementertainedandlaughing.HerakesinthetipsandIrakein
themoney.Laughterislikeanaphrodisiac.TheguyscoresalmostasmuchasRomeo.

“Thefloorbehindthebarneedsmopping.Keeprattlingonlikethatandyou’llhaveyourselfa

newjob.”

He’sstilllaughingashestartscuttinglimes.IheadtotheofficetopasstimeuntilVirginiashows

up,annoyedwiththeseguys.

otsurehowlongI’minthebackbalancingthebooks,butwhenIhearaknock,Ilookup
surprisedbythesound.“Comein.”

I’mgreetedwithgreeneyesandlonghair,jeansandsneakersunderanavybluepuffycoatthat

hidesherfigure.Idecidetogreetheralittledifferently,takingfulladvantageofourarrangement.
Meetingherjustinsidethedoor,Ishutitandleanover.Liftingherchin,Ikissherwithout
reservation,justthewayI’vewantedtokisshersincethatfirstnight.

WhenIpullback,hereyesareclosed,herhandsonmychest,andsheleansherforeheadagainst

me.“Whatwasthatfor?”“Lessontwo.”Ilie,somethingI’mbecomingtoogoodatwhenI’maround
her.

Leaningagainstthedoor,shesmiles.“IthinkI’mgoingtolikelessontwo.”
“I’vegotthirtyminutes.”
Herarmsgoaroundmyneck.“Let’snotwasteasecond.”Sheliftsupandpressesherlipstomine.
Anglingmyhead,Icaptureherlipsmorefullywithmine,partingthemjustenoughtogetataste

ofherforbiddenheaven.Aftershetoldmeshehadacrushonthatasshole,Ididn’tthinkI’dgetthis
chanceagain.It’scrazythatIdo,solikeshesaid,I’mnotgoingtowasteasecond.Weavingmyhands
intoherhair,Iholdhertomeasourmouthspart,needandinstincttrumpingslowandsteady.

Mybodypressesagainsthersandshemovesagainstmine.Handsfindmymiddleandtighten.A

soft,kittenlikemoanisswallowedwhenittransfersfromhertome.Itiltherheadtothesideandmy
mouthtrailsoverhercheek,jaw,andthenlowertoherneck.Butthehoodofhercoatblocksthe
accessIneed.Pullingaway,mybreathcomeshard,hersmatchingmineaswestareintoeachother ’s
eyes.Isay,“Iwantyourcoatoff.”

SnapsflyopenbeforeIfinishmydemand.Itakethezipperpullunderherchinanddragitslowly

downoverherchest,lettingmyknucklesgrazeherchest.HerT-shirtissoftandnobarrierisfelt.
Shit.Ilookdownquickly,holdinghercoatopenatthetop.“Areyouwearingabra?”

Hertongueslipsout,wettingherlips.Holyfuck.Kissing.Lessontwoiskissing.Onlykissing.

“Nope.”

ThatdamnpopofthePdrivesmewild.Icupherfaceandamabouttodevourherdeliciouslips,

butstopjustwhenoursmeet.“You’readamntemptress,butsodamninnocentatthesametime.How
areyousoperfect?”Unicorn.

Giggling,herbodyshakes,hereyesarealight,allthestarsinthenightskycaughtinside.“IthinkI

couldarguethatperfectpart.”WhenIhaveaholdofmyhormones,Ireleaseherandstandback,
givingherroomtobreathe.Hermouthtwistsandthenshesays,“Ithinkafewpastboyfriendscould
arguethataswell.”

Withhercoatopen,sheletsitslidedownherarms.Ihangitonthecoatrackandwatchasshesits

ontheloveseat.I’dfollowherbutIneedBigRichardtocalmdownabit.

Kissing.Onlykissing.
Movingtomydesk,Isitinthechairinfrontofit,keepingasafedistancefromhertemptingnips.

Imeanlips.“ThisisgonnabeharderthanIthought.”

“Ithinkitalreadyis,”shereplies,glancingtomylap.
“Justignorehim.”
“Him?”Shesitsupexcitedly,leaningcloser.“Tellmeabouthim.Doeshehaveaname?”
Fuck.“Stopstaring.Helovestheattention.He’llnevercalmdownifyoukeeplookingathimwith

yourlipspartedlikethat.”

Whenhergazeliftstomine,shesmirks.Smirks.Stolenrightfrommyplaybookkindofsmirk.

Shehassomenervethrowingitbackatme.She’saquicklearner.Ineedtorememberthat.Sexpot.

Draggingherfingeroverherbottomlip,itpoutsoutjustalittlebeforesheasks,“Likethis?Does

helikelipspartedlikethis?”Suckingthetipofherfingerintohermouth,shepullsitout.“Orlike
that?Whichdoesheprefer?”

Istandabruptlyandwalktothedoor.Openingthedoor,Isay,“I’llberightback.”Thedoorisshut

behindme,mybackagainstitasIsettlemyracingheartandhard-on.Ineedadrink.“Enchantress
withhertemptingkissesandeagereyes,”ImumbleasIwalk.Whiskey.Mytargetisinsight.Igraba
glass,flipitonthebaranditlandsbottomsidedown.IreachfortheJackDanielsandflipthebottlein
theair,catchingitbytheneckandturningitdowntofillmyglass.

“Everythingokay,boss?”Eddieasks.
“Nope.”ImimicVirginia’sanswerfromafewminutesearlier.Idon’tpopthePbecausethat

wouldbegirly.Idodownthewhiskeybeforerefillingitthough.“CanyoubringaPalomatothe
office?”

“Noproblem.”Iwalkoff,buthecallsout,“Hey.”Iturnback.“She’shot.Youmightwanttotake

thebottle.”

“You’reright.”Igrabholdofit.
“Wantmetoinventorythatbottle?”
“Suredo.”
“Onit.”
Cuttingacrosstheroom,Ipushopenthebackdoorandwaitforit.Itakeadeepbreathandexhale

beforeopeningtheofficedoor.Virginiastands,herfingertipstuckedintoherpockets.“Everything
okay?”sheasksnervously.Myinsidesachejustlookingather.Sodamnbeautiful.“Doesmykissing
suck?”

“Fuck.”Idowntheshot.
“Hardy?”
Irushforward,settingthebottledownalongtheway.Takingholdofher,Ikissherhard,wanting

hertorealizeherkissesaretheoppositeofsucking,andassomeonewhoisagoodjudgeofa
woman’ssucking,I’dknow.ThenshedoesthatlittlemoanagainandmyhandsslideupherribsandI
cupherbreasts.Herheadfallsback,andexhales,“Yes.God,yes.”

“Hardy.Sayit.”
“Hardy.Yes,Hardy.Itfeelssogoodwithyourhandsonme.”
Rubbingmythumboverhernipples,thecottonbetweenustoothintohidethepebbling.Herneck

isdelicateandwaitingformymouth,whichI’mmorethanhappytotendto.Startingatthecurveof
hershoulder,Ilickhersweet,vanillaskintoherear.JustasItakeherearlobebetweenmyteeth,a
knockontheofficedoorintrudes.

MybodytensesjustasIwasstartingtorelax.“I’msorry.”
“Don’tworry.I’llberightherewaitingforyou.”
Iwanttokickwhoever ’sassitisformakingmeleaveherlikethis.Mydickisthrobbingand

answeringthedamndoorisn’tgoingtohelpmysituation.Iswingitopen.“What?”

Eddie’sstandingthereholdingadrink.“YourPaloma.”
Oh.“Shit,”Istartapologetically.“Sorry.Thanks.”
“It’sokay.”Hiseyesdriftovermyshoulderandaneyebrowlifts.“Letusknowifyouneed

anythingelse.”

“I’mgood.We’regood.”I’mtalkingwaytoofast.Hisattentionturnstome,hisforeheadcrinkled

likehe’sinteractingwithacrazyperson.Islowdown,pretendingI’mnothornyasfuckornervous
aroundthiswomanbehindme.Shrugging,Isay,“Thanksforthedrink.”

“Anyti—”Islamthedoorclosedandlockit.WhenIturnback,Igotoher.“Iorderedadrinkfor

you.”

I’mthankedwithasmilebeforethewordsleavehermouth.Sultry.Salty-sweetlips.Iwantmy

mouthagainsthersagain,staringatitwhenshesays,“Thankyou.Thatwasnice.”

Thereisabsolutelynothingniceaboutmythoughtswhilewatchingherlipswraparoundthat

strawandsuck.“Fuckme.”

WidegreeneyesstareatmeasItakeherdrinklikeI’mstealingcandyfromakid.“What?”she

asksbeforeIrealizeIsaidfuckmeoutloud.

“No.Kissme.”Idon’tgivehertimetodevelopthatsweetsmileIknowisgoingtocreaseher

cheeks.Ijustfuckingkissherbecauseit’sallkindsofwrongthatIwasn’tkissingheralready.My
handsfindherwarmskinjustunderthehemofhershirt.AsmuchasIwanttoslidefartherupand
takethisdickteaseofaT-shirtoffher,that’snotinthelessonplantoday.

Fortunatelykissing,allkindsofkissing,is.Ourtonguesembracejustasourbodiesdo.Imove

herslowlyback,herkneeshaltedbytheloveseat.“Sitdown,”Isay,keepingmyvoicelow.Whenshe
does,Isitnexttoher.Wetakethemomenttocatchourbreath.

“HowamIdoing?”
Ishiftinmyjeans,thedenimtootightandrestrainingformyerection.“You’reanincredible

kisser,butpracticemakesperfect.”Ileanoverandkissher.Sheleansback,fistingmyshirtand
bringingmewithher.LeanlegsspreadandItakeupresidence.Icoulddryhumpthehelloutofher
rightnow,butthat’snotontonight’sagenda.

HermouthiswarmandwelcomingmatchinghowIfeelbetweenherlegs.Fuck.Ipushoffthearm

oftheloveseatoneithersideofherheadandsitbackstaringdownather.“Youcan’tbelikethis.”

Liftinguponherelbows,shelooksconfused.“Likewhat?”
“This.”Iwavemyhandoverherbody.“Nowayyou’restillavirgin.”
Shelaughs,andrelaxesback,restingherhandsbehindherhead.“ItoldyouI’vemadeoutbefore.

I’mnotnewtoallofit.Justthefinaldeed.ButI’moutofpractice.Ihaven’thadaboyfriendsince
college.I’vehaddates,datesthatwereduds.Idon’twantduddates.IwantLowry.”Allofme,
everythingfrommylungstomyheartdeflateunderthementionofhisname.Asshole.“Whatmakes
himsospecial?Trustme,V.Youcangetanyguyyouwant.Whywasteyourenergyandyour
virginityonhim?”

“BecauseIcan’tgethim.”
“Soit’sachallenge,anegothing?”
“No,notatall.IjustwanttobeoneofthosegirlsthatLowryRenquistwouldbeinterestedin.”She

sitsup,herfeetlandingbackonthefloor.“Anyway,hemightnotbegettingmyvirginity.”Sheturns
tome,aglimmerofhopereflectinginhereyes.“Iwashopingthatwouldbethefinallessonwith
you.”

“C’mere.”ShemovesoverandrestsherheadonmyshoulderwhenIdrapemyarmaroundher.“I

thoughtIwasteachingyoutogethisattention.”

Fingertipsfidgetwithabuttononmyshirtbeforeslippingjustinsideandscrapinglightlywithher

nails.BigRichardreacts.Naturally.Itakeholdofherhand,stillingit.Shelooksupatme.“The
womenhedatesarenotvirginswhofumblearoundthebedroom.Theyknowhowtopleasehim.”Her
eyeslower,hergazefixatingonthatbuttonagain.“Iwanttoknowhowtopleasehim.”

Ireleaseherhandandliftherchin.WhenIseethesadnessinhereyes,Isay,“Hedoesn’tdeserve

you.Youknowthat,right?”

“Ido.ButI’vebeenholdingontomyvirginitylikeit’sabargainingchip.It’snotworthanythingif

I’mspendingmylifealone.Iwasalwaystoldnottosettle,butI’mtwenty-fourandalone.Sure,I
didn’tsettlebutitcameatthecostofnotexperiencingarealrelationshipatall.Idon’twanttobe
twenty-fiveandalone,soI’mwillingtocashmychipinforthegreatergood.Iwanthimtofindme
irresistible.”

Hersadnessseepsintome,hittingmyheart.Thisiswhatmenhavedonetoher.“We’refucking

jerks,Virginia.Iftheydon’tfindvalueinyou,you’vegottofinditinyourself.”

“I’mnotblind.IknowontheoutsideI’mnotthesamegirlinthatphoto,butontheinside,I’mstill

unsteadywiththis.”

Eyeingher,admiringthoseperkytitsshe’ssodeterminedtounflatterunderherbusinessclothes.

“Soyouhideit?”

Sheslidestotheside,facingmewhilebendingherleginfrontofher.“Icantellyoudon’tlikethe

suits,butthat’swhatisexpectedofmeatwork.There’sadresscode.”

“Letmeaskyousomething.ThisLowryguy,hashehookedupwithwomenintheoffice?”
“Yes,”shesayswithanaddednod.
“Whataretheywearing?”
“OhGod,”shestarts,aneyerollpunctuatingherfeelingsonthetopic.“Idon’tevenknowhow

theywalkinthoseskirts.They’resotightandtheirheelsareridiculouslyhigh.”

“Twothings—yousaidtheyasinplural.Sohe’sfuckingorhasfuckedseveralwomeninyour

office?”

Shejustnodsthistime.“Flirtswiththem,butnotsleptwithanyoratleasttherumorssayhe

hasn’t.”

“Secondly,whycantheydresslikethatandyoucan’t?”
“I’minadifferentdepartment.I’mtheonlywomaninthatdepartmentwithsixmen.Wewear

suits.”

“Butit’snotinthedresscodeofficially.”NarrowingmyeyesasIfollowmyownbreadcrumbsto

myfinalpoint.“You’rechoosingtofitinwiththemen.”Totallyjudging,Ilookatherwithmylips
offtotheside.

Ithinkshe’sstartingtofollowmythinking.Shesmilesandsighs.“Iseewhatyou’resaying.It’s

me,notthem.AndnotLowry.”

“Doyouhaveagameplan?Areyoujustgonnashowuptoworkonemorningandjumphimin

theelevatororwhat?”

“NewYear ’sEve.OurcompanythrowsaholidaypartyonNewYear ’sattheWaldorf-Astoria.”
Ifeelsicktomystomach.“YouwanttokisshimatmidnightonNewYear ’s?”
Herexcitementgrows.“No,IwanttoseducehimatmidnightonNewYear ’s.Anyadvice?”
She’sdoingthisnomatterwhatIsay,soIgiveherhonesty.“Youhavethepowertogethis

attention,eventhoughIstilldon’tknowwhyyouwantit.Thebottomlineis,you’renotusingyour
gifts.”

“Andbygifts,youmean?”
“Body.Thoseotherwomenaregivinghimsomethingtolookat.”
“I’mnotusingmybody.”Shetapsherchin.“Verygoodpoint,Hardy.”
Ihateleadingahorsetowaterthat’scontaminated,butshe’sdeterminedtodrinkfromthattrough

nomatterwhatIdo.Sothatleavesmetwochoices:Helpherwinhermanbygivinghertheskillsto
attractthatassholeorletherfumbleintohisbedandgivehimagifthedoesn’tdeserve.

Therereallyisnodecisiontobemade.Shetrustsme.AsmuchasIwanttowisenheruponthe

waysoftheworldwhenitcomestomen,Ineedtoprotecthermore.Ifthatmeansmakinglovetoher
likeshedeserves,IguessI’mtheluckiestbastardthateverlived.

CHAPTERELEVEN

yhipisswatted,atowelcrackingloudlyagainstmyjeans.Abirdisflippedofftothesideit
camefrombeforeIevengivetheculpritaglance.“Fuckyou,Clive.”

WhileIcontinuetostareatVirginia,heasks,“Howlongareyougoingtoogleher?Cuzit’sjust

pastpathetico’clockandheadingtowardcreepybymywatch.”

LookingdownatthestainlesssteelOmegathatshinesonmywrist,Ireply,“I’vegotagoodten

minutesbeforeIreachcatfivecreepiness.”

“That’sdisastrous.”
“Andlikeyousaid,leaningtowardpathetic.”
“Isaidit’spastpathetic.”
Iturnmybacktoherthoughit’sagainstmybetterjudgmenttodosowhenthatfuckerina

Member ’sOnlyjacketishangingonhereverywordandstaringathertits.Andshe’sbraless.Fuck
me.MyhandstightenaroundtheknifeI’msupposedtobeusingtocutoranges,myknuckles
whiteningunderthepressure.

Beingpattedontheback,Clivesays,“Thosefeelingswillgetyaeverytime.”
“I’mnothavingfeelings.”ThoughI’mfeelingImightkillthisjackassinthejacketfawningall

overher.Onetouchandhe’sgoingtoloseahand.

“Surrreyouaren’t.”Clivereachesaroundandtakestheknifefrommyhand.“Ithinkit’ssaferifI

takethisaway.”

“Formeorhim?”
“Both.”Helaughs,andthennodstowardVirginia.“You’veknownherforlikewhat?Aweek?”
“Somethinglikethat.”
“Wow.Shemustbereallyspecialforthisinsta-loveyou’vegotgoingon.”
Scoffing,myheadjerksback.“I’mnotinloveandthere’snosuchthingasinsta-love.”Isthere?I

seeClivecheckingherout.“Hey,eyesoverhere.”

Heshakeshishead.“See?Iwasn’tevenlookingatherandyou’vegotyourboxersallupyour

ass.”Comingcloser,heleansonthecounternexttomeandcrosseshisarmsoverhischest.“I’mnot
sayingyou’reinlove,butthosetworulesyoulivebywhenitcomestowomen...”Hishandsmake
anexplosionhandgesture.“Havebeenobliterated.”

“Noway.”I’mtheoneshakingmyheadthistime,denialclearlysettingin.IlookbackatVirginia.

Herdrinkisempty,hertitsperfect,andMembersOnlyjackasshasmovedin.I’mtherebeforehecan
offerheranotherdrink.“CanIgetyouarefill?”

Shesmileswhensheseesme;nothingliketheexpressionofboredomshewasgivingthatchump.

“Thanks,Hardy.Maybeonemore,butonlyifyoucandrinkwithme.”

“Iwantto,butEddiehadtoleaveandI’mcovering.”

Checkingherphone,shedebates.“MaybeIshouldheadhometoo.Ihavealongridebackandan

ear—”

“Earlymorning?”
Shelaughs.“Yes,somethinglikethat.”
Whenshegetsoffthestool,MembersOnlypanics—alotlikeI’mdoing—andsays,“Maybewe

canhangoutsometime?Orgoforcoffee?”

Hergazehitsmine.“Um...”
Istepin.“Heybuddy,we’rekindofseeingeachother,soifyoudon’tmind...”
Handsareupinsurrenderashebacksaway.“Oh,man,sorry.Ididn’tknow.”
“It’snew.”Ilookbackather.“Andgoingwell.”
Heslapsatwentydownonthebar.“Thisshouldcovermydrinks.Goodlucktothebothofyou.”
Virginiaislaughing.“Thanks.”Whensheturnsbacktome,shesays,“DoIdetectahintof

jealousyinyouractions?Orjusthelpingagirlout?”

“Maybeboth.Definitelyboth.”
Restingherelbowsonthebar,sheleanscloser,andsays,“Ifeelthesameaboutyou.That’showI

knowit’stimetogo.Iknowyoudon’twantthatlinecrossedandit’stooeasyformetofallforyour
cute—”

“Ass?”
“Iwasgoingtosaycharms,butassworkstoo.When’sourthirdlesson?”
“Saturdaynight?”
“Yes,itwillalmostbelikehavingadate.”
Yeah...almost.Isigh.“Yourplaceormine?”
Sheswingshercoataroundherandslipsherarmsinside.Whenshereachesforthezipper,

Chopin’s“FuneralMarch”beginsplayingassadnessconsumesmewatchingthegirlsdisappear.They
weredefinitelyahighlightofmynight.“Howaboutmine?Ifyou’refreeallnightwecanhavedinner
outandthengobacktomineforthelesson?”

“Soundsgood.I’lltextyouwithdetails.”
Happinesscoversherface.“I’mlookingforwardtoit.”
“SoamI.”Iwalkaroundtowalkherout.
“Ineedtopayout.”
“Whenyou’rehere,Ibuy.”
Shenudgesmeintheside.“Youknowthewaytoawoman’sheart.”
SuddenlyfeelinglikeIdon’tknowwomenatall,Ijustnodwhilelookingdownatmyfeet.“Yeah,

I’mtheexpert.”Exceptwhenitcomestoher.WeheadforthedoorandIthrowmyarmoutforacab.
Shehasherhandsinherpockets.Whenacabpullstothecurb,Isignaloneminute.Turningto
Virginia,Iliftherhoodup,protectingherfromthecold.Thetipofhernoseisalreadypink,soIkiss
it.Anyexcusereally.“Besafeandtextmewhenyougethome.Okay?”

Shenods.“Iwill.”Movingcloser,sheliftsupandkissesmycheek.“Thankyouforearlier.”
“Mypleasure.”Literally.
“Haveagoodweek.”
“Youtoo.”
Shedashestothetaxiandgetsintheback.Idotheuniversalsignforrolldownthewindowtothe

driverliketheyactuallyhandcrankdownthesedays.Ihandhimplentyofmoneytocoverherfare
andhistip.“Takecareofheranddrivesafely.”Lookingbackather,Ifeelsadnessforadifferent
reasonotherthanherboobsbeinghiddenfromview,butIdon’tdareadmitit.Instead,Icover,
somethingI’vegottentoogoodatdoinglately.“Whenyou’renotaroundme,wearabra.Itdraws
unsavoryattentionfrommenwhenyoudon’t.”

Shestartslaughing.Iknowsheseesrightthroughmethoughshe’sniceenoughtoplayalong.

“Okay,Hardy.Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”Ibackawayandwatchthecableave.ThisisbecomingahabitIdon’tlike.Her

leaving.

Insta-love,whateverthatis.It’sabunchofphooeyiswhatitis.Watchinghercabdriveaway,I

thinknexttimeI’llaskhertostay.

yThursday,ImissVirginia.Weexchangedafewcasualtextsoverthelastfewdays—hi,hope
yourdayisgoingwell,sweetdreams,andthatkindofthing.Butthenonenightshesendsmy

favorite:Thinkingaboutyou.Alongwiththetext,shesendsaphotoofherselfinabubblebath.Ican’t
seeherfaceasthecameraisfacingtheotherdirection.Look,I’mnotsayingshesentittogetarise
outofme,butIrisetotheoccasionnoproblemandjackofftwicetothatphotointwodays.

I’mnotembarrassedtoadmitthatIdidthedeedwithherphotonexttome.I’membarrassedthatI

didthedeedwithonlyherkneepokingthroughthebubbles.That’sit.Onebare,wet,lustful,tempting
andteasingkneecap.Damnthat’sasexyphoto.Theremightbesomethingtothisinsta-lovetheory.
ThoughI’mleaningmoretowardachemicalimbalance.Holdingthebottleofpillsupfromfivefeet
orsoaway,Iasktheguybehindtheregister,“Whatdothesedo?”

“Harddick.Forhours.”Ishouldbeoffendedbyhisbluntness,butthecurlyhairedhipsterseems

toknowhisstuff.“It’sastaffrecommendation.”

Thelittleplacardhangsfromtheshelfthatdisplaysthebottle.“Yeah,soIsee.”Isetitbackinits

place.That’snotwhatIneed.IfIcouldbottlethepainfulerectionsI’vebeendealingwith,I’dbea
millionaire...ohwait,I’malreadyamillionaire.ThenI’dbeabillionaireandmarketthehelloutof
thosepills.EverybottlewouldcomewiththatpicofVirginia’sknee.Worksforme.I’msureitcan
workforothers.Thiscouldbringgroundbreakingadvancementsinmen’spenileprojections.Idon’t
eventrynottolaugh.I’mfunnyasshit.

Afteranhourofaskingaboutalmosteverybottleofpillsinthehealthstore,I’malsostartingto

thinkthatI’moutofluckwiththechemicalimbalancetheory.“ButClivecallsitinsta-love.Isthis
reallyathing?”Iaskthehipster.I’dsettledintoaphilosophicalconversationonexistentialistversus
internalizedlove.Helostmeontheself-lovemovementhewascurrentlyadheringtoandinvitingme
tobearwitnesstothesanctityofit.Iwasbroughtbackaroundwhenhementionedloveatfirstsight.
Hishappenedwhenhewasthreeand“discovered”himselfinthemirror.Inreferencetome,he
claimedIwassufferingfromaclearcaseofsociallyacceptableattractiontosomeoneIhad
physicallybondedwithresultinginachemicalchangeinmymind’smatter.Hereachesbehindhim
andplacesasmallboxofGodiva’schocolatesinfrontofme.“Thatwillbenineeighty-seven.”

“Whyareyousellingmechocolates?”
“Haveyounotbeenlisteningatall?”heasks,exasperated.
“I’vebeenlistening.”Understandingisawholeotherissue,butI’vebeenlistening.
“It’sjustlove,man.You’reoverlookingtheobvious.Justflatout,simplelove.”
Simple?Uncomplicated...“SoIneedchocolatetocureme?”
“Thereisnocure.Trustme,myfriend.You’retoofar-gone.Soyouhavetodealwiththecrisisat

hand.Buythechocolatesandgoseeher.That’stheclosesttoaprescriptionasyou’regoingtoget.”

Goseeher.Islapatenbilldownandtakethechocolates,thentuckthemintomycoatpocket.

“Keepthechange.”

“Iwasgoingto.”Thehipsteropensthepaperbackinfrontofhimbackupandadds,“Goodluck.”

“Thanks.I’mgoingtoneedit.”IwalkoutintothelateafternoonandtextVirginia.Whatareyou

upto?

Sherepliesquickly,makingmesmile.Justwork,butoffinforty,soYAY!
Istartdownthestreet,buttype:Meetinthemiddlefordrinks?
Her:JusttellmewhereandI’llbethere.
Shedoesn’thavetotellmetwice.Igrabacabandheadforthecity.
Forty-fiveminuteslaterI’msittingatatableinthecornerofapub,waiting...correction:

anxiouslywaitingforhertoarrive.Thebellchimesandagustofwindushersherinside.Despitethe
brownhairthatwasblownoverherface,Iknowher.Myheartbeatserraticallyinresponse.

Shepushesherhairbackandlooksaround.Whenshespiesmeinthecorner,Virginiasmilesand

lifefeelsbetterbecauseofit.Istandwhenshecomestowardme.HolyJackFuckingDaniels.

Istepforwardandassoonasshereachesthetable,Itakeherinmyarmsandkissher.Hard.With

allthepassionI’vestockeduponsinceIlasthadmylipsonhers.Breathless.Iwanttoleaveher
breathlessandwantingmore.Whenourlipspart,shelanguidlyopenshereyes,andsays,“Icouldget
usedtothat.”

“Neversettleforless,V.”Ihelpherwithhercoat,butputitbackonhershoulderswhenIseewhat

she’swearing.“Whyaredressedlikethat?”

Laughing,shedoesn’tseemtobetakingthismatterasseriouslyassheshould.WhenIstart

zippingherupagain,shemovesjustoutofreachwhileswattingmyhandsaway.“Whatareyou
doing,Hardy?”

“Youforgotyoursuitjacketatwork.Andfromthelooksofit,yourbraaswell.”
“Itookmybraoff.”Shewaggleshereyebrowsandpullsahotpinklaceystrapfromherpurse.I

pushitbackdownjustasquickly.Laughterringsout,thesoundevenmakingmesmile.Shesays,
“Whatareyoudoing?YousaidwhenI’maroundyouIdon’thavetowearabra.Ithinkthey’re
uncomfortablesoItookitoff.”Aftersettingherbagonachair,shetakeshercoatoffagain.

Whenshesitsdown,Isitdownacrossfromher.Sheadds,“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”
“Likewhat?”Iask,myeyesdartingfromherdelicatecollarbonethatIbitandlickedtotheneck

I’dlovetomarwithahickeyclaimingherasmineforalltosee,especiallythatassholeatherwork.
Claimingher?WhatthefuckamIdoing?

Oh,thecandy.Ireachintomycoatpocketandpullitout.Placingitonthetableinfrontofher,I

say,“Igotyousomething.”

“Youbroughtmechocolate?Hardy?”sheteases.“BecarefulorImightfallinlovewithyou.”

Temptress.“Thisissosweetofyou.Thankyou.”

“You’rewelcome.”
“Wanttoshare?”
“No,Iwantyoutoenjoytheminyourbath.”
Shelaughsfreely.“Idon’tknowwhyIsentthatpic.Justbeinggoofy.”
“Youcanbegoofywithmeanytime.”
ThewaitresscomestothetableandweordertwobeerswhileIcontinuestaringather.My

favoritepink,severalshadeslighterthanthissilkylittletopshe’swearing,colorshercheeks.“You’re
makingmeparanoid.DoIlookthatbad?”

“No.Youlookamazing.Ilikethisoutfitonyou.Showsoffthegoods.”
Thatmakesherlaugh.“WellthegoodsgotnolovefromLowrythisweek.IthinkI’mgoingto

havetopracticelessononeonhim.”

Flirting?“No.Ifthatoutfitdoesn’tgethisattention,flirtingwon’tdojackshit.”
“Inoticedoneofthepersonalassistantswaswearingthosered-soledshoes.Whatdoyouthink

aboutthem?”

ChristianLouboutinknowswhatamanfindssexyandseeingthoseredheelsdrapedoveryour

shouldersoratthebaseoflonglegs...“Don’twasteyourmoney.Guysdon’tcareaboutthatstuff.”It
almostpainsmetolietoherthistime.Herlegswiththosefuckmeheelsonwouldbeanincredible
sighttobehold.

“Oh,okay.Ijustthought—”
“Welldon’tthinkabouthim.LikeIsaid,he’snotworthyourtime.”Mywordsarecrushing,

evidencedfromthedownfallofthecornersofhermouth,butIcan’tseemtobackthistrainup.Easy
anduncomplicatedhavedefinitelyvanishedalongwithmypatience.

“What’swrong,Hardy?Youseemirritated.”
“I’mfine.”Idrinksomeofmybeer,insanelyjealousofhereffortsforthisassholelawyer.

Lookingheroveragain,wasitme?DidItellhertochangetheotherdayoristhisherowndoing?
“Whatdidtheguysinyourdepartmentthinkofyouroutfit?”

“Somedidn’tsayanything.AfewsaidIlookednice.Othershightailedtothebathroomeverytime

theysawme.Iendedupreapplyingdeodoranttwiceandsprayingmyperfumethroughouttheday
theyhadmesoparanoidthatIstank.”

Herinnocenceisrevealedagainandabellylaughescapesme.“You’renotsmelly.Trustmeon

this.”They’retotallyjerkingoffonthejob.Atleastmyworkisinabar.Thesehornysadsackscan’t
holdtheirshittogetheraroundherandtheyworkintheFinancialDistrict.

Shedoesn’tevenrealizehowtheworldseesher.Thatmakesmelaughharder,notinalaughingat

herkindofwaybutthatshehasnocluethattheseguysarevomitingthesnakebecauseshe’ssohot.

MaybeIdon’tneedtogetallcaughtupinjealousyjustyet.There’sstillachancewithher.Aslong

astheykeepseeingherasageekygirlwho’sintonumbersanddressesinboxysuits,I’mgolden.
ThatwillgivemeenoughtimetomakeherseethatI’mmorethanashallowprickwithdivinesex
skills.There’saguyandaheartbehindthishandsomemug.Ifonlyshe’dtakeagoodlonghardlook.
She’dseeI’mmorethanthepartsthatmakemeup.

I’mawholemanwhohasgivenuphislife’screedtobewithher.

CHAPTERTWELVE

nceIlaiddownmyemotionalweaponsandsetasidemyjealousy,Iwasenjoyingmytimewith
Virginia.OutsideofBrooklyn—myplaceandthebar—Iwasseeingherinanewway.Sheisfull

ofenergy,hypeduponsomecopierincidentatwork,andmoaningorgasmicallyoverthebest
pastramisandwichshe’severhad.Incaseyouarecurious,itcanbefoundatKatz’sDeliaccordingto
her.ItellherI’lltakehertoBen’sBestbackinBrooklyn.She’llneverlookbackafterthat.

I’mhopinginmorewaysthanone.
Weorderanotherround.Sheaddsfishandchips.“Allofthisfoodtalkhasmademehungry.”
I’vebeentryingtofigureoutwhatitisaboutherthatI’mfallingsoin...like,andlustwithwhen

itcomestoher.“Whatdoyouliketodoforfun?”Iwinkather.“Otherthanspendtimewithme.”

Reachingforarubberbandshehasaroundherwrist,shetakesitandpullsherhairintooneof

thoseknotshotchicksweareverywherethesedays.Ilikeherhairdown,butwithitlookingsomessy
ontoplikeshejustwokeupormaybeevenhadsexiskindofhot.

“Hardy?Helloooo.”
Fastlittlehandswavingfranticallyinfrontofmyfacebringmebacktoreality.Reality?Isthismy

newreality?Staringatawomanwhoclearlywantsmesexuallybutwantsnothingtodowithme
beyondthat.Well,that’sanexaggeration.She’shereandourfriendshipisgrowingsoIcan’tsay
nothingtodowithme.She’sjustnotreciprocatingwhatIwantwithherseemsclosertothetruth.
“Yeah?”

“YouaskedmewhatIliketodoforfun.DidyounothearwhatIsaid?”
“Sorry.”Irubmytemplesquicklybeforehunchingdownandgivinghermycompleteattention.

“Whatdoyouliketodo?”

“Isaid,”shestarts,matchingmybodylanguage,“you.”
“Mewhat?”
“Areyoureallygoingtomakemesayittwice?Itwashardenoughthefirsttime.”
Hard.IalmostsayitbutI’mlosingmyenthusiasmforthequickcomebacks.AmIlosingmymojo?

Virginiaslapsthetable.“OhmyGod,amIthatboring?”She’slaughing,butIcanseetheoffenseon
herface.

“No.I’msorry.I’mdistractedtoday.”
“I’dsayso.What’sonyourmind?Youcantalktome.”
“Notaboutthis.”
Hermouthscrunchestotheside.“Penisproblems?”
NowI’moffended.“No.Idon’thavepenisproblems.Damnwoman,goforthelowblowwhy

don’tyou?”

Webothlaughandsay,“Lowblow.”Sheadds,“Doyoulikethat?”

Thelaughterlightens,andIreply,“Ablowjob?I’maguy.OfcourseIlikeblowjobs.”
“Itriedtogiveablowjob—”
“DoIreallywanttohearaboutyoublowingsomeguy?”
Sittingback,she’sstillfullofgiggles,andentirelytoohotlookingwhiledoingitwithherbreasts

bouncingagainstthesilkofhershirt.“Ohcomeon.You’remyteacher.IfIcan’ttalktoyou,Ihaveno
onetogetadvicefrom.”

“Don’tyouhavegirlfriendswholiketotalkabouttheirconquests?”
“No.”ThelaughterceasesaltogetherandIalreadymissthesound.“OtherthanKatieO’Dowd—”
Itapmyglassonthetable.“ToKatieO’Dowd.”
Weclinkourpintstogetherandshecontinues,“Myfriendsarejustashelplessasmewhenit

comestofindingloveinthecity.”

“Maybethat’stheproblem.Maybeyou’renotmeanttofindloveinManhattan.”
Herbrowcreasesinthecenter,andsheasks,“AndwherepreytelldoyousuggestIfinditthen?”
Brooklyn.Acrossthetablefromyou.You’restaringathim.“Idon’tknow,butmaybelove

doesn’tcomeintheformofLowryRenquist,lawyerextraordinaire,butcomesintheformof
somethingmoreobvious,somethingrightbeforeyoureyesbutyou’retooblindtosee.”

“Speakingoflowblows...”
“I’msorry.Ishouldn’thavesaidthat.”
“IknowhowyoufeelaboutLowry.You’vebeenverysweettome.You’relookingoutformybest

interestandyoumakeavalidpoint.Ineedtoopenmyeyesandlookaround.Thereareplentyof
otherguysoutthere.”

Thefoodarrives,andshepushesthebasketbetweenus.“Wannashare?”
Everythingwithyou.“Thanks.”
Ourtimetogetherisdisappearingandwhenshestands,Ihappilyhelpherputhercoatbackon.

Shereachesforherbagandwhenshestandsbackupandturns,we’retoe-to-toe.Restingherhandson
mychest,sheasks,“Whyisitsoeasywithyou?”

Easy?Interesting.Thewomanbeforemeisanythingbuteasy.“I’vebeenthinking.Whatif—”
“HardyRichard.”
No.No.No.No.No.Iknowthatvoice.Toowell.No.No.No.No.No.Pleasedon’tletitbeher.

FollowingVirginia’sgaze,it’sherandmyheartsinks.

“Hardy.Yoohoo.”
“Hello,Isabella.”
Withbothherhandsonmybiceps,shecomesinforthetwo-cheekkiss.Idon’tbotherwitheither

whenourfacestouch.Steppingback,shelooksmeoverfromheadtotoeandbackagain.“You’re
lookingwell.Socasualinyourflannelandjeans.”Hervoiceiscondescending,herremarksbelittling
dressedinfakeappreciation.

Withhertargetinsight,shesticksherhandouttoVirginia.“I’mIsabellaCollins,ofConnecticut.”
Whatthefuckisthatabout?“ShallIbowtothyroyalhighness?”Fuckthis.IneedtosaveVirginia

andfast.“Actually,wewerejustleaving.”

Virginiaacceptsthehandshake,andreplies,“I’mVirginiaRyanofManhattan.”Isabellalooks

downatmygirlallbundledupandsays,“Aworkinggirl.”

“Youmakeitsoundsoseedy,Isabella.Onthatnote,wemustbegoing.”Reachingdown,Igrabmy

coatandtakeVirginiabythearm,whiskingheraway.Isabellaremainsstandingwherewelefther,her
mouthagape,andherhandonherhip.

“Callme,Hardy.Weshouldgettogether.”
Idon’tbotheracknowledgingherasweclearthedoorandwalkoutintothecoldnightair.Putting

mycoaton,Virginiastandsclose,andsays,“Shewasinteresting.”

“She’sanex.”
“Girlfriend,fiancée,orwife?”
Iheartheuptickinhertone,atelltalesign.“IsthatjealousyIhear,Ms.Ryan?”
Shespinsawayfromme,I’msurerollinghereyes.“Notatall.You’reallowedtohaveasmany

exesasyouwant.”Lookingbackoverhershoulder,shesummons,andwestartwalking.“I’msure
there’sawholeslewofwomenpiningovertheonewhogotawaywhenitcomestoyou.”

Myfaceistoocoldforbiggestures.Ishovemyhandsinmypockets,andlaugh.“It’sfreezing.”
“Yourealizeyou’renotgoingtothrowmeofftrackthateasily,right?”Shebumpsintome.“You

alwaysaskaboutme,butIwanttoknowaboutyou.”

“Howaboutcoffeefirst?”
“Definitelycoffeefirst.”
WewalkintoaStarbucksandstandinlinewiththeotherfreezingpatronslookingforaquick

warmup.“Wemetatcollegeandcontinueddatingafterforayear.”Dustingmyhandstogether,Iadd,
“That’saboutit.”Tryingtosidetrackheragain,Iask,“Pastry?”

“Yes.CranberryBliss.It’smyfavoriteandisonlyhereforalimitedtimeduringwinter.”Without

missingabeat,shesays,“Nowbackupandlet’sgooverhowyoueverdatedsomeonesouppity.”

Callingmeonmyshit.Check.I’vegottohandittoher,she’sgood.Verygood.“Iwasn’talways

thelaid-backhandsomeandextremelysuavehappygoluckybartenderyouseebeforeyou.Ohwait,
I’vealwaysbeenhandsomeandsuave.”

“Andmodest.Ithinkthat’swhatdrewmetoyou.”
IfIweren’tfallinginlovealready,I’dbeagonerforsure.“Yes,it’smy‘modesty’thatbringsthe

beestothehoney.”

“Ew,don’tuseanimalsorinsectsinreferencetoyourpenis.”
Ibumpintoherthistime,andwhisper,“Sayitagain.”
“What?Penis?”
Alittlelouder,Icontinueteasing,“Yes,Virginia,justlikethat.”
Shemaybeembarrassed,buthergreeneyessparkleinthepastrycounterlights.“Hardy,”she

scolds.

Icantellshelikesitthough,hersmilebecominghardertorestrain.“Yes,Virginia,youcantouch

mypeniswhenwegethome.”

Franticallylookingaroundtomakesurenooneheardme,shegrabsmebythecoatandsqueezes

thefabric.“Goodlord,Hardy.Whatiswrongwithyou?”

“Yes,you’resobadit’sgoodwhenyouusethelord’snameinvain.”
“Youaresogoingtohell.”NotsureifI’mgoingtohellforrealorifshe’steasing,buteither

way,Ilikeherfeisty.

Islapherass,thecoatbreakingtheblow.“Howaboutyoutakemynameinvaininstead?Willthat

getmeintoheaven?”

Looseninghergrip,sheliftsuponhertoes,andwhispers,“IfI’mtakingyournameinvain,I

promiseyou,you’realreadyinheaven.”

“DamnstraightIam.”I’llhavetowaituntilIseethepearlygates.Wehaveanotherlessontolearn

beforewegettotheheaventhat’sawaitingme.Iwrapmyarmaroundherwaistbeforeshecanescape
andkissher.

Fromtheline,wehearthegroaning,“Moveupandgetyourcoffeeorgetaroom.”
Virginiatucksherheadagainstmychest,heremotionswornintheshadehercheeksturn.Ilean

backandtelltheguymoaningbehindme,“I’mworkingonboth.”Sheshakesherhead,butatleast
she’sstillsmiling.“Canweendthetorture?”

“Foryou,anything.”Ikissthetopofherheadrightbeforeshestepsupandweorder.

ThesmallleathercouchinthewindowbytheChristmastreeisopenandshebeelinesforit.We

settledown,facingeachother.Shetakesasipofcoffee,thenasks,“Whatmadeyoutextmetoday?”

“Imissedyou.”Withmyleganchoredonthecushion,I’mnotevensureifsheknowsshe’sdoing

it,butherhandfindsitswayover,herfingertipsrubbingbackandforth.Dirtythoughtsofthose
fingersrubbingsomethingelsecometomind.Grabbingherhand,Irestmineonhers.Itfeelsso
snug,thoughdamncold.“Geez,you’relikeanicicle.”

Thatbreaksanymushinessthatwasballooningbetweenusandwelaugh.Pullingherhandback,

shesays,“Yeah,sorryaboutthat.Ineedtobuyapairofgloves.Ilostmineonthesubwayaweek
ago.”

Itakeherhandsbackfromherlapandplacingthembetweenmine,Igentlyrub,creatingjust

enoughfrictiontowarmherup.Andyou’rewelcome.Isetmyselfupwiththatusageoffriction,but
didn’tgotherelikeIcouldhave.Holdingmycrudecommentsmightbeanothersideeffectofthe
chemicalimbalanceVirginiacausesinme.Thoughshemightconsideritapositivesideeffect,the
guyswouldcallmepussy-whipped.Iwouldn’tconsiderthatsuchanegativethougheither.

Whenherhandsfeelwarm,Ireleasemine,andask,“Better?”
“Much.”Staringatme,sheswallowshardandsuddenlytensionispresent.
“Whathappened?”
“Whydidyoudothat?”
“Warmyourhandsup?”
“Yes.”
“Becausetheywerecold.”
Withhercoffeecupinhand,sheturnstothewindow,shiftingsoherarmrestsonthebackofthe

sofa.Watchingthesnowfall,shesays,“Ilovethesnow,thequiet,thecozinessofbeinginside,and
buildingsnowmen.”Whenhergazeturnsbacktome,shelookssad.“Peopleherearetoobusyto
appreciatethejoyinthesimplethings.”

“Ido.”
“I’mdiscoveringthat’strue.Isthatthekeytohappiness?”
“Beingcontentisthekeytohappiness.Appreciatingwhatyouhave,insteadofwishingyouhad

more.”

“Youeverwantedwhatyoucan’thave?”
Draggingthepadofmythumbovermybottomlip,Ithinkaboutit.“Onlyonce.”
“Whatdoyouwantthatyoucan’thave,Hardy?”
Shehangsoneverysecondasitspansbetweenus,Ilookherstraightintheeyes,andsay,“It’sbad

lucktoshareyourwishes.”

Theanticipationleaveshershouldersandshesinksagainstthecouch.Lettingherheadrolltothe

side,shesays,“Iguessweshouldgo.”

Lookingatmyemptycup,Inod.“Yeah,Iguess.”
Outonthesidewalk,Iask,“Howareyougettinghome?”
“Subway.”
Lookingatthetime,it’salmostten.“I’dfeelbetterifyoutookacab.”
“Areyouworriedaboutme,Mr.Richard?”
“Idoworryaboutyou.Ialsoworryaboutyourgirlsandwhyyourefusetogivethemthesupport

theywant.”

“Myboobshatebeingtrappedbythatcruelunderwire,soIthinkit’syouwhohatestoseethem

carefreeandhappy.”

“Trustme,there’snothingIhateaboutyourbreastsotherthanguysstaringatthem.”
Grabbinghercoatandpullingittightertoher,shelaughs.“Noworryingaboutthatinwinter.Hey,

beforeyouleave,we’restillonforSaturday?”

“Iwouldn’tmissit.”Istepcloser,closingthegap.“Imissedyou.”
Surprisedbytheturninmytone,shelooksupincuriosity.“Yousaidthat.”
“Iwantedyoutorememberit.Iwantittobethefirstthingyouthinkofwhenyouthinkof

tonight.”

Herarmsslidearoundmymiddleandshesqueezesasmyarmscomearoundher,holdingher

close.Shesays,“Imissedyoutoo.”

Ourusualgoodbyebeginswithgettinghersafelyintoacabandsendingheronherway.Igraba

taxitotakemebacktoBrooklyninsteadofwaitingaroundwatchinghertaillightsdisappearintothe
darkdownthecitystreet.

RightwhenIgetcomfortableinthebackofawarmcab,Igetatextfromher:Imissyoualready.
Leaningback,Ismile,thenrespond:Imissyoutoo,V.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

aturdaycan’tcomesoonenough.Iknow.Thisisnotreal.Virginia’smadeitmorethanclearthat
shewantsanotherguy,butthenextlessonistheoneI’vebeenwaitingfor.Well,besidesthefinal

lesson.

Allsexaside,thoughI’llusemyskillstothebestofmyability,shesaidbeingwithmewaseasy.I

feellikeI’malwaysfindingmywaybacktothatword.AsmuchasI’vebeensayingit’snoteasy
beingaroundher,it’sjustbecauseIwantherinwaysthatshedoesn’twantme.Thatmakesithard,
literallyallthetimeforme.

She’srightthough.It’seasytositwithher.It’seasytotalktoher.It’seasytofeelgoodaroundher.

Shemakesmesmile.Shechallengesmeinwaysthatareunexpected—likethegoingwithoutabra
thing.Thatbefuddlesmeonadifferentlevel.It’slikeshe’sthisvixenwaitingtobreakfreeandhas
handedmethekeytoopenthedoor.

Twenty-fourhoursuntilIputthatkeyinthelock,butwillitunleashherdesiresorsetherfreeto

bewithanotherguy?It’sariskshe’saskedmetotakewithoutevenrealizingtherisksinvolved.

Twolessonslefttowinherbody.
Twolessonslefttowinherheart.
Iwillwinthetitle,thegrandprize,andalltheblueribbons.ThisistheOlympicsofseduction,the

finallaparoundthetrack.Doordietime.I’mdeterminedtocomeoutontop...orbottom,orfrom
behind.Ibetshe’lllikeitfrombehind.

ridaynightatTheHideawayisalwaysbusy.Thehookupsarehappeningearlyandthecrowdis
spirited.Threeofus—Romeo,Clive,andmyself—arecoveringthebarandEddie’sworkingthe

tablestonight—notsomethingweusuallydo,butourbussingcrewislate.Hiringmorepeopleis
anotherthingonmynever-endinglistofthingstodo.

Cocktailingisfun.It’sentertaining.Itmakesmoney.It’saskillthatnoteveryonehas.Ifthey’re

readingrecipes,theyneedtogobackdowntotheminors.We’retoobusytobelookinguphowmuch
AngosturabittersgoesinaManhattanorwhiterumgoesinapiñacolada.Bartendingisaprofession
andIexpectmytenderstotreatitassuch.ThatiswhyIhavelowturnover.Theyaretreatedwith
respectandpaidwell.Whattheydoontheirbreaksorhowtheygetthecustomersbackinthedooris
onthem.Aslongasit’slegal,I’mgood.

Clivelaysdownalineoflemondropsforagroupoffriendsonagirls’night.Romeoisdownat

theotherendservingagroupofguysoutforagoodtimewhoareeyeingthegirls.Ihearhimtelling

themtobuytheladiestheirdrinksandthentointroducethemselvesbeforehehasthepleasure.“Once
theymeetme,youhavenochance.”

Hisarroganceiswellbackedbyyearsofhavingitreaffirmed.He’snotcalledRomeofornothing.

Hisparentscalledittheminutetheymethim.Theladieshavebeenfallingforhimeversince.

Asforme,something’sgottochange.Ineedtospendlesstimeworkinginthefrontorlessinthe

back,butdoingbothiswearingmedown.Ithinkit’stimetohaveafull-timemanagercomeonboard.
Eddie’salwaysbeenmyrighthandmanwithoutcomplaint.I’llmeetwithhimsoontogivehimthe
newshe’sbeenworkingfor.

IcheckonthefarendofthebarwheretwowomenhavebeenwaitinglongerthanIlike.“Sorry

aboutthewait.WhatcanIgetyou?”

I’veseenthelighthairedbrunettebefore.Somewhere,thoughIcan’tplaceit.Herlipsarefire

engineredanddrawmyattention.Ashertonguedipsout,sheleansagainstthebar.Oureyesmeet,
herslookingmeoverbeforesheasks,“Whatdoyourecommend?”

NormallyI’drattleoffmystandardforwomenwithherhair—rumandcoke,butIhaveafeeling

she’snotlookingforthatdrinktonight.Herconfidenceexudesthebrightlipcolor,soItakeaguess,
“Vodkamartini?”

“Extraolives?”
“Yougotit.”
Herfriendwantsthesame,soIgettoconcoctingtheirdrinks.Ioverhearherfriendtalkingtoher

aboutthelatestepisodeoftherealityshowred-lipsison.That’swhereI’veseenher.I’mnotoneto
watchalotoftelebutIhaveafewguiltypleasuresandtrashTVat3:30a.m.istheperfectsedative
afteralongshift.Iputfiveolivesineachglassandthenpourtheliquidoverthetop.WhenIsetthe
drinksdowninfrontofthem,redlipssays,“Extradirty.JusthowIlikeit.”

MyfeelingsmaybeallmixedupaftermeetingVirginia,butI’mnotdense.Iknowacomeon

whenIhearitandjustasI’mabouttoslipintomyoldlinesnowandmaybeherlater,Irealizemy
mindisblank.

Nolines.
Nofunnycomebacks.
Nosexualinnuendoes.
Holyshit.AmIbroken?
TwoweeksagoIwashappilychuggingalongmindingmyownbusinessexceptwhenapretty

womanwantedmetomindhers.Now,PMV—postmeetingVirginia—I’mstandinginfronta
celebrity—althoughminorfame—she’sgorgeousandhittingonmeandIhavenoresponseother
than,“Keepthetabopen?”

Herexpressionfalls.Acreditcardishandedtome,andshereplies,“Thanks.”
WhenIturnaroundandenterhercardintotheregister,thewomenstarttalkingtoeachother

again,“Iheardhewaseasy.”

Easy?
There’sthatdamnwordagain,butusedinawayIneverthoughtI’dhearinregardtome.
Redlipswhispers,“Iheardhewasthebest.Iwantthebest.”
“Hedoesn’tseeminterested.”
HerhuffisheardandImovetotheotherendofthebar.TappingCliveontheshoulder,Isay,

“Takeoverthetwoattheendforme.”

Leaningback,heglancesdownthelonglineofthebar,thenbacktome.Withhiseyebrowcocked,

heasks,“Yousure?”

“Yes.I’msure.”
Whilefillingapintglass,hekeepstabsonthem.“What’swrongwiththem?”

“Nothing.”Ichuckle,restockingthewineglasses.
“Butthey’rehotandyou’retossingthemtome?”
“Theyhavetheirownminds,youknow.Ican’ttossthemtoanyone.I’mjustnotinterested.”
“Whynot?”
“Clive,”Igripe.“Enough.Willyoutakecareofthemornot?”
“Sorry,”hesays,withhishandsup.“I’lltakeover.”
Myannoyancehasreachedapeak,butItrytoblowitoffandcalmdown.“Thankyou.”
“It’salmostsadtoseeitgo,butI’mhappyforyou.”Heclapsmeonthebackandtakessomeone’s

order.

Isetanotherpitcherdownfortheguysattheend,andthenaddittotheirtab.WhenCliveturnsto

ringupthedrinks,Iask,“Seewhatgo?”

“Yourpride.Yourdrive.Thegoodtimes.We’llrememberthemfondly.Youfoughthard,my

friend,butit’stimetosurrender.”

“Whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout?”
“Rulenumbertwo.”
“Pfft.Rulenumbertwoisfirmlyinplace.Likestrongerthanever.Myfeelingsdon’tevendipinto

thatlake,muchlessswimthere.”

“Wouldthatbethelakeoflove?Yousureyou’renotalreadyskinnydippingwithyourhearton

yoursleeve?”

“Positive.”Prettysure.Maybe.Notatall.“Fuck.”Iwalkoutfrombehindthebarandheadforthe

office.“Coverme,Eddie.”

“Willdo.”
Idon’tturnonthelightintheofficewhenIenter.Ilikethedark.Thelittlelightsfromtechnology

areenoughtofindmywaytomydesk.Sittingdown,Idropmyheadintomyhands.Whendidit
happen?WhendidIsuccumbtosomethingInevergaveanycredenceto?WhendidIfall?

It’snotaboutwhenIfell,buthowIcatchmyself.Idigmyphonefrommypocketandsendatext

toafriend.

ThereservationissetatoneofthebestrestaurantsinNewYorkCity.It’sgoodtohavefriendsin

thebusiness.Afterconfirming,ItextVirginia:Kat&Theoat8?

It’snotwhatIwantedtotype.IwantedtodropawholeconfessionalofsinfulthoughtsI’dhad

abouther,thoughtsthatincludedthatdreadedfour-letterword.Notfuckthoughit’smyfavorite,but
theonethatstartswithLandendswithanE.Ididn’tthoughbecauseImaybefallingapartatthe
seams,butIstillhavemydignity.

Lessonsinlove.That’sallthisis.Teachhersoshecanseducetheassholefromwork.Ibangmy

headagainstmywooddesk.ThenmyphonedingswithamessageandI’mquicktolooktoseeifit’s
her.Itis!Success.Iread:I’vealwayswantedtogothere.Seeyouthen.

Seeyouthen.Ireturnthemessagealittletooeagerlyformylikingbutwhatthehell.Ihadalready

blownmyimageofMr.CooltheminuteIagreedtohercrazyplan.Settingmyphoneinfrontofme,I
rubmyhandsoverthescruffofmybeard,thenreachoverandturnonthelamp.Aknockcomestoo
soon,andIsay,“Comein.”

Eddiepeeksin.“Thebussersshowedup,soI’mbackbehindthebar.Ibroughtinanextrabarback

aswell.Hejustgothere.”

“That’sgood.HeyEddie,I’vebeenmeaningtotalktoyou.It’sprobablynotagreattimesince

we’rebusy,butIwantyoutothinkaboutmovingintoamanagerposition.Letmeknowyourthoughts
andwecandiscussthedetailsonSundaywhenwebothwork.”

Blindingwhiteteetharerevealedwhenhissmilegrows.“Thanks,boss.”
“Savetheflirtingfortheladiesandgetbackoutthere.”

“Willdo.”
ThedoorshutsandasmuchasIwanttospendmoretimemoaningaboutmylovelifeandthe

problemsacutelittlebrunettehascaused,Ican’t.Itfeelsgoodtorewardpeoplewhodeserveit.And
really?Iflifewasthatbad,Iwouldn’thaveVirginiainmylifeatall,soIthinkIhaveitprettydamn
goodrightnow.Evenifsheisdrivingmemad.

Iturnthelampoff,pocketmyphone,straightenmyvestandcollar,andgetbacktowork.It’snot

calledHardy’sHideawayfornothing.

hatisthisfeeling?

IrananextratwomileswhenIwokeuptodayonwhatfeltlikepureadrenaline,butIdoa

fewjumpingjackstoshakethisonslaughtcoursingmyveins.WhenIstop,mybreathingisharsher,
butnope,stillthere.

Inthebathroom,Itakeacloserlookatmyface.I’vegotcolor,soIstickoutmytongue.Pink,like

always.“Ahhhhh.”Openingmymouthwide,Itrytolookatthebackofmythroat.Looksnormal.

What’swrongwithme?Ihaven’tfeltlikethisinyears.Then,likeaV-8,ithitsmesmackdabon

theforehead.Nerves.Moreprecisely,I’mnervousoranxious.Ineverdidunderstandthedifference,
muchtothecontemptofmyprivateschoolteachers.TheysworetomeI’dneedtoknowthisoneday
andhereIam,usingtheminterchangeably.Theywereright.MaybeIshouldtrackthemdownandlet
themknow...Whatthefuck?WhyamIramblinglikethis?Oh,thenerves.That’sright.

WhyamInervous?
It’sVirginia.Justlessonthree.We’vebeenherebefore.ThefirstnightwemetIwastouchingher

softskinandcausingthosesweetheart-shapedlipstoformthatOfromecstasy.Ican’twaittofeelher
heatandtasteherdesireagain.Ihaveabsolutelynoreasontobenervous.Thelasttwolessonsaremy
specialty.ThisiswhereIshine.

Myskillsinthebedroomareasgoodasmyword.IalwayskeepmypromiseandlikeThe

Hideawaysmotto—theyalwayscome,andalwayswanttocomebackformore.Thatmottodidn’t
inventitself.Itcamefromyearsofexperienceandattentiontodetail.Onetasteandwomenwere
comingbackindrovesandbringingtheirfriends.Look,Iknowwhatyou’rethinking.Wearen’tmale
prostitutesandwe’renothookingupwitheveryone.TheHideawayisaplacewherewomenandmen
gatherandmeet.There’snopretensionorjudgmentyoufindatalotofthebarsinManhattan.Sothe
clienteleishookingupwitheachotherandwe’vehadsixmarriagesinthelasttwoyears.

Formepersonally,it’sbeenamatterofthatconnectionIspoketoVirginiaabout.Alittlehuman

touchisgoodforthesoul.I’mnotscrewingallofBrooklyn,butifIwas,Istillsleeplikeababyat
night.I’mokaywithwhoIam.Well,Iwas...untilVirginiaandnowI’mamess.

Idotwentyjumpingjacksandfiftypushupsbeforegettingintheshowertohelprelievesomeof

thepressureakanerves.Thinkingaboutthatsexylittlekneecapdoesthetrick.Ineversawitthefirst
timeweweretogether,sothisphototeasesinthebestofwaysofallthebodypartsI’veneverseen
thatshe’sblessedwith.

Extratimeisspentgettingreadyasifthisisadate.Virginiamadeitclearitwas“almostlikea

date.”Highlydisappointing.

Ontopofthe“almostlikeadate”comment,I’msittinghereinmyapartmentcompletelydressed

withnothingtodobutworryabouthowthisnightandmaybetherestofthenightsofmylifeare
goingtoplayout.Lookingattheclock,it’sonlyfivethirty.Damn,whatiswrongwithme?

Ican’tsithereanylonger.TherearestopsIneedtomake,soIgrabmycoatandglovesandhead

tothecity.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

hesecondIentertheshopheturnsaroundandgrabsabigboxofGodivachocolatesandsetsit
onthecounternexttotheregister.Thehealthstorehipsterdoesn’tevenlookup.Hejustknows.

LikeheknewI’dbeback.“Iknewyou’dbeback.”

See?He’sintuitivelikethat.
“Ineedyouradvice.”
WhenIreachthecounter,hecloseshisromancenovelwiththepiratesonthecover,andlooksup.

“Thechocolatedidn’twork?”

“Shelikedit.”
“Allgirlslikechocolate.Ifshelikedtheotherbox,bringhermore.”
“I’mnotsurechocolatewillfixthismess.”
Aftercrossinghisarmsoverhischest,heleansbackandkickshisfeetuponthecounter.“Look,

I’mnopsychologist.Ijustknowthatweliketocomplicatethingsthataren’tsocomplicated.Zen.We
needtogetZenwithourworld,becomeonewiththethingswevalue.”

“I’mtrying,man.I’mjustsofuckingconfused.”
“Language.”
“Huh?”
“Don’tswear.FiveyearsagowhenIdecidedtofindtrueharmonywiththeflowersandtrees,

swearinghadtogo.Exceptforroses.Thosebitchesloveafoulmouth.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Life.Thejourneywe’reallontofindpeaceinourexistence.You’rewhat?Likeforty?”
Really?“Twenty-eight.”
“Whoa!Yourauraisatangledmess.”
“Iknow.That’swhyI’mhere.”
“You’rehereforchocolates.Youmaynothaveknownthatwhenyouwalkedin,butthisbox,”he

says,pushingitforward,“willleadyoutowhatyouneed.”

“Aboxofchocolates?”
“Trustme.”WhenIpickupthebox,headds,“Thatwillbetwenty-treeninety-five.”
“Forchocolates?”
“There’salotmoreinthisboxthanthelast.”
“Whatever.Hereyougoandkeepthechange.”
“Thanks,man,andIworkonMondayifyouwanttodoarecapofyourdate.”
“HowdidyouknowIhadadate?”
“Really?”Hepointsatmyclothes.
“Fine.”Iturnforthedoor.“I’llseeyouonMonday.”

“Aftertwelve.Iliketosleepin.”
Irollmyeyesandheadbackoutthedoor.Withmyarmintheair,Ihaveonemorestoptomake

beforeImeetVirginia,soIhailacab.WhenIgetin,Isay,“Bendel’splease.”

Heeyesmeintherearviewmirror,andthennods.“FifthAvenue.Yougotit.”
Iwalkintothestore,andtwoladieschattingstraightenupandsmile.“CanIhelpyou?”Theyboth

askatthesametimebeforequicksteppingaroundadisplayuntilthey’restandingnexttoeachother
withlargegrins.Oneoftheirmouthstensesandshenudgestheother.“Myturn.”

Theotheronehuffsandbacksaway.Thesaleswomanapproachesandthistimespeaksinasofter

tone.“HowmayIassistyou,sir?”

Imightbemistakenbutwhenshesayssiritsoundslikeapurr.Ilikeit.Alot.“Ineedagift.”
“Foryourgirlfriendorwife?”Iswearshebatshereyelashesatme.
ButI’mtoobusytryingtofigureoutwhatVirginiaistometopaymuchattention.“Umm...a

friend.Aladyfriend.Awomanfriend.”

“Lovely.IseeyouhaveGodivaChocolates.Soyou’relookingforsomethingelseforabirthday

orrrrr?”

Damn,allofthesequestionswereunexpected.“Agiftbecauseshedoesn’thaveany.”
“Any?”
“Gloves.Shelosthers.SoIwanttogetheranewpairofgloves.”
“Rightthisway,sir.”Whilewewalkfromthisareawiththehandbagsdisplayedintoanotherwith

scarvesandhats,sheasks,“Glovesareaverythoughtfulgiftforafriend,butnooccasion?”

IstartsayingitbeforeIcanstopmyself,“Thirdbase.”
Thesaleswomandoesadoubletake.“Wellinthatcase,Isuggestcashmere.Unlessyou’re

planningonturningthirdbaseintosomebondageinthebedroom,andthenIsuggestmypersonal
favorite—leather.Eitherway,botharenice”

Amillionexcusesformylewdbehaviorcrossmymind,butnothingisgoingtotakeawaythe

humiliationIfeel.SoIjustcarryonlikemychemicalimbalanceisn’tcontrollingmymouthsinceshe
seemstosufferfromthesamedisorder.“Cashmeresoundsgreat.”

Whenwereachanemptycounter,shesays,“Wellthisisodd.LetmecheckwithRegina.”
“Okay.”Istandthereawkwardlyholdingmyboxofchocolate,butthenIspotapairhangingona

displaynearthefrontwindow.Imakemywaypasttwoolderladieswhoarecontemplatingthelife
cycleofbeesandusingbuzzingsoundstobacktheirpoint.Iwhiparoundanovaltable,andjustasI
reachthedisplaywithamannequinatop,anotherladyswoopsinandgrabsthegloves.“Iwasgoingto
getthose.”

Takenaback,thelady,aboutmymother ’sage,says,“SoamI.”
MyoriginalsaleswomanandRegina—theglovemanagerorwoulditbemanagerofgloves—

anyway,theyintervene.AndwhenIsayintervene,Imean,offertowraptheglovesfortheladywho
stolethemoutfromunderme.“Wait,”Isay,“doyouhaveanyotherpairs?Anycolor.Doesn’t
matter.”

Reginarespondstoocalmlytobetrusted.“No,sir.Thatwasourlastpair.Christmasisonlya

weekawayandglovesandwintergotogetherlike,well,likeglovesinwinter.”

Checkingmywatch,Ionlyhaveforty-fiveminutestogettotheFlatironDistrict,whichseems

nearlyimpossibletodowiththesnowandthisladyholdingontothegloveslikeI’mgoingtosteal
them.Idecidetopleadmycase.“Ireallyneedthosegloves.I’mbeggingyou.Iwanttogivethemtoa
womanI’mmeetingataromanticrestaurantinhopestowinherheart.”Wait,what?IsthatwhatI’m
doing?Ohshit.Ijustmightbe.“IgotthesechocolatesandI’mslidingintothirdbasewithhertonight,
butshelostherglovesandshehasreallygreathands—prettyfingersthatshelikestousetoexpress
herselfwhenshetalks.Solidgrip—ohwait,Iprobablyshouldn’tgointoallthedetails.Mypointis,I

wanttoprotectthemandkeepherwarm.”

Thethreeladiesarestaringatmewiththatlook—it’stheoneoflovethatIseeatthebar.Ithink

they’regoingtohelpmeoutwhenthecustomerwiththeglovesinherhandssays,“Ilovechocolate.”

I’mnotsurewhatmyfaceissaying,butshetapstheboxinmyhands.
Dot.
Dot.
Connect.
“Ohh.Youlikechocolate.DoyoulikeGodiva?”
“IloveGodiva.”
“Howaboutatrade?’’
“Done.”IhandherthechocolatesandshesnatchesthemfrommelikeI’mgoingtoteaseherand

takeitback.

ThesoftfabricoftheglovesissecurelyinmyhandswhenReginasays,“Let’sgoringyouup.”
Asthewomandigsintothecandybox,Irealizethehealthstorehipsterwasright.Thisboxof

chocolatesledmetowhatIneeded.Wow.Mymindiskindofblownrightnow.Ibuytheglovesand
shovetheminmypocketbeforegrabbingacabtotherestaurant.

I’mlate.Ihatebeinglate,butIespeciallydidnotwanttobelatetonight.Fortunately,Virginiais

later.I’mledtoourlightgreenboothtowardthebackoftherestaurantandseated.It’srudetoordera
cocktailbeforetheotherguesthasarrived,butthenervesfromearlierhaveflockedbacklike
seagullsonabadhairday.Thatdoesn’tevenmakesensetome.I’mconvincedI’mofficiallybroken
becauseImetavirginnamedVirginiawhomademebreakmyownrulesbeforeIhadasayinthe
matter.

AllthechaoticthoughtsandworriesabouthavingajokelessfuturevanishthemomentIseeher.I

standbesidetheboothandwatchhercometomewithawalkthatcatcheseveryguy’seyesinthejoint.
Holyshit.

Herhairiswavy-curly,hangingdownpasthershouldersthewayIlikeitbest.She’sgotheavier

eyemakeupandlighterlips.Thereddresshugseverycurveandthethinstrapshighlightthebeautyof
herneckandshoulders.Myeyesgolowanddamnnnn,she’swearingshinyblackheelsthatbegtobe
wrappedovermyshoulders.

MyheartstartsracingthesecondIseehersmile,thesmilethatshe’swearingjustforme.Istep

forwardjustasshereachesthetable.Kissingheronhercheek,Iwhisper,“Youarethemost
magnificentwomanI’veeverseen.”

Keepingmycheekagainsthers,myhandrunsalongthecurveofherwaist.Iwanther.Iwantthis

womanmorethananythingI’veeverwanted—notjustsexually,butinmylife,everyday.Every
morning.Everynight.Inmybedandinmyheart.

Herhandsarewrappedaroundmyback,andshewhispers,“Youlookincrediblyhandsome,

Hardy.”

“Maybeweshouldskipdinner?”
“No,”shereplies,laughing.“I’vewantedtoeatheresinceitopenedbutitwastoohardtogetinto.

How’dyougetareservationonsuchshortnotice.”

“Magic.”
“Andbymagic,youmeanconnections?”
“Exactly.”
“Hardy?”
“Yes?”
Shestartstosquirm.“Arewegoingtostophugginglongenoughtohavedinner?”
“Doyouwantto?I’mtotallyfinestandinghereholdingyoulikethisallnight.”

Laughing,shewhispers,“Wecandothisagainwhenwegettomyapartmentifyoulike.”
“Iwouldliketodothat.”Ireleaseherandleanback.Hersweetsmilepiercesmyheart.Myhand

gravitatestomychestandIrub.

Shewinksatme.“I’vebeenlookingforwardtothislessonsincethefirsttimewewereinyour

office.”

“Youhave?”Itakeherjacketandpursefromherarmandslipthemintotheboothbetweenusas

weslideinonoppositesides.Sheinstantlymovesthemtothesideandscootsclosertome.

Idon’teventhinkshe’sawarehowcloseshe’ssittinguntilthewaitercomesbyandtellsuswhata

beautifulcoupleweare.SheputsafewinchesbetweenusandthoughI’dlovetomakeajokeabout
teninchesI’dliketoputsomewhere,I’mtoobusytryingtofindareasontoclosethedistanceagain.

Weorderwineandsitback,innorushtoorderfooddespitebeingstarved.Iwantmytimewith

hertolastaslongasitcan.“Howwasyourday?”Iask.

“Icleanedanddidsomeshopping.Igotthisdresstodayandtheseshoes.Itreatedmyself.Ever

sinceyoutalkedabouthowtheotherwomendressedaroundLowry,nothinginmywardrobemade
mefeelgood.”

“Doesthisdress?”
“Yes.Ifeelprettyandintheseheels,Ifeeltall.Ilikefeelingpowerfullikethat.”
“Awomanwhocarriesherselfwithconfidenceisextremelysexy.”
“SomaybeI’mnotalostcauseafterall.”
Ourbottleofwineisopenedandwetakethetimetotestit.Thepinotnoirremindsmeofher

lipstickthefirsttimeIeversawher.I’vebeencravingthiswineeversince.“Salut,”Isay,holdingmy
glasstohers.

“Salut.”
ConversationflowsthroughoutdinnerandIlearnthatshelovesgolfandyoga,buthates

horsebackridingbecauseshewasthrownonce,andshe’swillingtojogwithme,butfearsshewon’t
beabletokeepup.

Shelovesthesnow.Sheloveswhenitrains.Shehateswhentheymix.Shehasannual

membershipstoTheNewYorkBotanicalGardensintheBronxandTheMetandoftenfrequentsthe
NewYorkCityLibrary,butrarelygoesin.

“Whydon’tyougoin?”Iask,turningthestemofmywineglassbetweenmyfingers.
“Becauseithurtsmyhearttoleave.”Shetiltsherheaddown,almostembarrassedbyher

admission.Whenshelooksbackup,shewhispers,“It’sjusttoobeautifultobereal.”

Myhandstopsandmyeyesfixonher.Sheasksme,“Haveyoueverseensomethingsobeautiful

thatittakesyourbreathaway?Tastedsomethingsoamazingthatyoualmostcan’teatit,readabook
thatwassoincrediblywrittenthatyou’resweptawayinafictionalworldandneverwantittoend?”

“Ihave,”Iconfessinstantly.Ihave.You,Virginia.You.
“Ialsolovetacos.”HerheadrollsbackindeliciousecstasyandIcan’twaitforittorollback

whenIeathers.“Icaneatthemforbreakfast,lunch,anddinner.”Bythehappyglintinhereyes,I
believeher.

Ourfirstcoursearrivesandthoughtheportionsaresmall,theyareartfullypresented.

Throughoutdinner,ourkneesknocktogether.Nothingissaidaboutit.Betweenfriendsoranyone
else,itwouldn’tbeabigdealatallbuttome,it’severything.

ThepredicamentI’vefoundmyselfinisquitefunnyifIcouldstepoutsideofbeinganinsiderto

thistrainwreckthathasbecomemylovelife.Physically,IcanhavethisgorgeouswomananywayI
wanther.She’sopenandreceptive.Shetrustsmewithherlife,hersexlifeatleast.Emotionally
though,we’reamessofthecalamitousvariety.

DoesshenotseehowIlookather?No,puttingitplainandsimple.Shedoesn’tseehowtheworld

seeshersohowcouldshethinkanyonewouldseeheranydifferent.Fateplayedherhandwhenshe
broughtVirginiaRyanintomybar,andrightintomylife.Nowit’suptometodecidehowweend.
It’stimetouptheanteandraisethestakes.AndIknowjusthowtodothat.“Wanttoplay?”

“Playwhat?”Takingherhandinmine,Ibringitdownunderthetable.She’squicktocatchon.

“Youwanttopractice?”

“Yes.”
“Okay,”shesays.HervoiceistentativeandfilledwiththenervesIshedonceIsawher.She

glancesaroundtheroomquicklyandthenturnsback.Sheknowsmynextmove,andsherelinquishes
herreservations.Lettingmeguideher,sheasks,“Showmewhatyoulike?”WhenIrubherpalmover
mycock,mynamecomesatthetopofadeepinhale,“Hardy.”

Movingherhairbehindhershoulder,Ikissherneck,thenwhisper,“Yes,Virginia?”
Agulpfollowsandshelooksatherwine.Hervoiceislow,timid,buthercuriosityiseagerlike

herhandasshegripsme,gettingagoodfeel.“You’resohard.”Whenshefinallydarestolookinmy
eyes,sheasks,“Wastheappetizeranaphrodisiac?”

“No.”Myvoiceisclear.Myeyesarefocusedonthebeautifulwomanwhohascompletely

enchantedme.“You’remyaphrodisiac,V.”

“Becareful,”shesays,asmallsmilegracingherstunningfeatures.“Whenyousaythingslikethat

Imightbelieveyou.”

“Believeme,youturnmeonsomuchit’shardnottodropyoudownrighthereinthemiddleof

thisrestaurantandnothavemywickedwaywithyou.”

“Isdroppingmedownwhatyoureallywant?”
“No,”IanswerhonestlyasIleanbackwrappingmyarmaroundhershoulderasshegetsmore

thanahandful.

“Whatdoyoureallywant,Hardy?Tellme.Showme.”Shestopsrubbingandsqueezes,gettinga

firm,controllingholdonme.

Icoverherhandagainandguideherlikesherequested.“IfIcouldhaveanythingrightnow,I’d

haveyourlipswrappedaroundmydick.Iwanttofeelthebackofyourthroatwiththetipandhave
youswallowjusttofeeltheembrace.”

Herchestisrisingandfalling,apalepinkblossomingasherfingersdragslowlyoverherskin.

“Hardy?”

It’sgettingstuffierinhere,mybodyheatedfromherteasing.“What,sweetheart?”
“Iwantthattoo.”
“Check!”

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

essonThree:Aptlynamed—ThirdBase.

“Sowhatdoesthirdbaseentail?”Virginiaasksonthecabridefromtherestaurant.

“Whatwedidthefirstnightwemet.Thatwasthirdbase.”Idon’ttellherhowmuchI’vemissed

touchingherintimately,possessively,andwithapurpose—togetheroff,whichgetsmeoff.

“I’vemissedthat.”Asighthat’sreminiscentofagirlthathaslovedbeforewhisksfromherlips.
“Youmissedmakingout?”
“I’vemissedmakingoutwithyou.”
Ileanoverandkissherbecausedamnshejustcan’tsaythingslikethatwithoutexpectingmeto

touchherinsomeway.Callmeagreedybastard.WhatcanIsay?It’sbeentoolongsinceI’vebeen
withawoman.

Actuallyit’sbeenweeks,eversincethisamazingwomanwalkedintoTheHideaway.IfeellikeI

shouldsendheracondolencebouquetnow.HellknowsI’mgoingtoneedallthestrengthIcangather
tonotactlikeababywhalediscoveringit’sblowholeforthefirsttime.

Damnbro.Ishakemyheadatmyself.I’msobroken.Myhumorfallsflatatmyfeet.EvenI’mnot

entertainedbymyusuallyamusingself.Maybetonightwillhealbothmeandmyquickwit.

Shesays,“Ilovekissingyou.”
“Ilove...”Eh,eh,eh.I’mnotgoingthere.Shesmilesasifsheknowstheslipthatalmostslid

rightoutofmymouth.

Ipaythedriverandwegetoutinfrontofamodernbuildingsurroundedbyothermore

contemporaryarchitecture.

“We’rehere.”
“Isortofhadyoupeggedforabrownstonewalkupkindofgirl.”
Shetwirlsinfrontofme,thewinegoingtoherheadandfreeingherspirit.“Ilikekeepingyou

guessing.”“Thatyoudo,mydear.Thatyoudo.”Thedoorisopenedforus,andwewalkin.“Ican
appreciatethemodernistapproachtorealestateandtheboomincondosthataresleekwithclean
lines.”WhatIwon’tgointowithheristhatthisbuildingissosimilartotheoneIusedtolivein.Once
IleftthehustleandbustleofthecityIneededtochangeeverythingandthat’swhenIboughtmy
building.Itwasdilapidatedandalmostcondemnedforthemissingwindowsanddoors.Fourstories
ofcharacterandoldBrooklynhistorywerealmostdemolished.Imadethecityadealtheycouldn’t
refuseandtookontheprojectwithmycontractorwhowasworkingonmybar.Afteroneandahalf
yearsofrenovations,thefirstthreefloorsofapartmentsweredone.Thefourthfloor—myfuture
residenceshouldbedonewithinthenextmonthiftheweathercooperates.

Thefullfloorwithprivateelevatorandanentirerooftopterracewillbeallmine.Yearsofhard

workanddreamshavebeensunkintomybusinessandbuildingabetterlifethanIoncehad.Ican

appreciateherbuildingwiththedoormanandamenities,butIdon’tmissthislifestyle.

Shetakesmyhandandwewalkthroughthebrightlylitlobbytothestainlesssteelelevators.

Virginiasaidhellotothedoormanwhenshepassedandwishedthelobbyclerkagoodevening.It’s
littlethingslikethat,smallgesturesthatsaymoreaboutthekindofpersonsheisthanthelouder
ploysforattentionshethinkssheneedstoattracttheasshole.

TheelevatordoorsopenandIswingherinsideandpinhertothewall.“Howareyoustillsingle,

Ms.Ryan?”

“Youtellme,Mr.Richard.”Sheglancestothebuttonsandsays,“Twenty-three.”
Ihitthebuttonandwhenthedoorsclose,Irunmynosealongherneck,takinginherscent.

“You’rebeautifulbutstubborn,intelligentbutwiththetiniestbitofnaivety.You’restronganddefiant,
sexy,anddemure.”Touchingherlips,Ileaninandkissthecorners.“Youareasirenwearingan
angel’shalo.WhatamIgoingtodowithyou?”

She’salmostbreathless,butherhandslidesaroundmyneck,andsays,“Anythingyouwant.”
Mymouthcovershersandourlipspart,ourtonguesengaging.Bendingdownjustenoughtofind

thehemofherdressunderhercoat,Istartslowly,methodicallydraggingthefabricupwithmyhand.
“I’mgoingtoeatyourp—”

Theelevatordingsandthedoorsopen.Webothreleaseabreathasthetensionescapesthe

elevatorandwewalkoffhandinhand.Shesays,“Holdthatthought.”

“I’lldomorethanholdit,babe.”
“That’swhatI’mcountingon,professor.”
“Professor?Ilikethat.”Sheleadsmedownacorridorandaroundaturn.Herapartmentisatthe

end.ThekeyunlocksitandIholdthedoorwhilesheentersfirst.

“MyProfessorofRomance.”
MyeyebrowswaggleandIrunthepalmofmyhandovertheroundofherass.“Ihadno

intentionsofromancingyoutonight.”

“Wanttocomeinside?”
“DoIever?”
Thistimeshebreakscharacterandlaughs.“Youreallydohaveatalentforthesexual

innuendoes.”

“I’velisteditasaskillonmyrésumé.”Theviewisgreat.Thecityislitupjustoutsidethelarge

livingroomwindows,remindingmesomuchofmypast.

“Ibetyoudid.Drink?Ihaveagreatpinotnoir.”
Runningmyhandsthroughmyhair,Icanfeelmyveinstwistingtofindsomeofmyoldself

inside.I’mnotsureifIshouldgiveinorblockthefeelingsfromresurfacing.Gentle.Iwanttobe
gentlewithherandifIletthepastseepbackinImightnotbe.“Doyouhavewhiskey?”

Shehangshercoatandbagonsomehooksbythedoor.“IboughtabottleofJackDaniels.I

wantedyoutofeelathome.”

Ido.Toomuchinthisenvironment.“Thanks.”
“You’rethecocktailexpert,butcanImakeitforyou?”
“Yes.Thankyou,”Ireply,lookingoveratherinthekitchen.“Ilikemineneat.”
“Isthatwithoutice?”
“Yes.”Iwalktothelargewindow.It’snotfloortoceilinglikemine,andherapartmentisalot

warmer.IthasaveryVirginiafeelthroughout.Musicstartstoplay,FrankSinatrasingingChristmas
carols.IalwayspreferredDeanMartin,myself.Heneverkowtowedtotheestablishment.Ol’Blue
Eyeswasgood,anddamntalented,butDeanheldhisownwhileholdingamartiniintheotherhand.

Virginiastandsnexttome,keepinghereyesforward.“Irenteditfortheview.”Sheturnstome.

WhenIlookather,shehandsmemydrink.“Andit’sclosetowork.”

“Doyoulikewhatyoudo?”Itakeaheavysipandwatchherovermyglass.HersmileisoneI’ve

seenamilliontimeswhenpatronsatthebarareaskedthesamequestion.It’swhattheydo,notwho
theyare.It’sanotherreasonthebardoessowell.Theycanshedtheirresponsibilityandjusthavea
goodtime.

“Ilikenumbers.I’mthatgeekwhocangetlostinthecombinatoricsofEuler ’sequationall

afternoon.”

“YetyoupickedTheMetFifthAvenueinsteadofBreuer.”
“Ilovethegeometryofcontemporaryart,butIfindbeautyintheagesofartandhowitwas

depictedthroughthedifferentcultures.Anyway,it’sgoodtoseethingsoutsideofyourcomfort
zone.”

“Haveyoueverbeenpressedagainstawindow,exposedinwaysthatleaveyoursoulbarelike

yourbodyandkissedwithsomuchpassionthatyoucan’tandwon’tconstrainittoonlyyourlips?”

Hermouthisopen,herbreathdeepening.“GoodGod.Warnagirl.”She’sfanningherselfwith

herhandandturnstolookbackoutthewindow.

“Answerme.”
Frommytone,myexpression,sheunderstandsthegravityofmyquestion.“No,Hardy.Ihaven’t.

Haveyou?”

“No,butIwantto.Iwanttotakeyoutothatplacewhereyouforgetthatothersmightseeandbegin

tocravethattheydo.Andiftheyhaveneverexperiencedtheedgeofthatblissfulabyss,theygeta
glimpseintowhattrueecstasycanbe.”

Herbodyiscloser,herchestheaving.Icanhearherbreath.Iwitnessthewayshelicksherlips.

Restingmyhandoverherheart,Ifeelthepounding—beggingformore.Shewhispers,“Iwantthat.”

“Howbadly?”
“EnoughtoknowI’mreadyforlessonfour.”
Movingmyhandtohercheek,Isay,“No,you’renot,butyou’rereadyformeandlessonthree.”
Itakeherdrinkandmineandsetthemdownonthewindowsill.“Doyourememberwhatwedidin

theoffice?”

“Everything.Ithinkaboutitallthetime.”
Smiling,Itakeherlefthandinmineandputmyotheronthecurveofherwaist.“Dancewithme

again.”

Hersilentpermissionisenoughforustostartmoving,ourbodiespressedtogether,andherhead

leansonmychest.Iwrapmyarmsaroundherandwesway.Rubbingherback,Iclosemyeyesand
appreciatethatI’vebeengivenachancetoholdher.

Andtokissherlikethis.Leaningback,Ifindherchinandturnituptomine.“Iwantyou,”I

whisper,andthenkissher,herlipstakingtomineasiftheyshouldneverbeapart.

Theyshouldn’t.That’saconversationforanotherday.Lessonthreeawaits...
Lettingmyhandsroamasifshewasmine,Igrabherassandsqueezeheragainstme,enoughso

shecanfeelhowsheaffectsme.Herbodystartsmovingofitsownaccord.“Youwantthis.Icanfeel
it.Icantell.Yourbodygivesyouaway.Where’syourmind?”

“Onyou.”
“Good,baby.Sogood.”Itakeastepback.“Sitonthesill.”
“There?”Shepointstothewindowsillbehindher.Itlookstobewide,likeeightinchesorso.
“Yes,Virginia.There.”
Sheholdsmygazeforahardmomentbeforeshebacksupandsitsnexttoourdrinks.
Keepingmyvoicesteady,Iusemyexperiencetoshowheranewsideofsex,onewhereshe

doesn’thavetofeelunsteadyaboutthenextstep.Shecanjustsitbackandenjoy.Thepleasurewill
trulybemine.“I’mthirsty.”

Liftingtheglassofwhiskeynexttoher,shestartstoraiseitbutdetoursandwiththelittlevixen’s

eyesonme,shetakesalongpulloftheamberliquid.Noscrunchedfaceinreactionfromthestrength
ofalcohol.No,nother.Shetakesitlikeshelovesit,keepinghereyesonmethewholetimein
challenge.Thenhertonguedipsouttolickherlipsasshehandstheglasstome.

Mytonguedipsinresponse,wishingIwerelickingherlipsinsteadofmine.Itaketheglassfrom

heranddrink,finishingit.ReachingforwardIsettheglassbackdownonthesillandholdherhead,
anglingituptome.Ikissherlips,tootemptedtostayaway.Ourlipspartandourtonguespickup
dancingwhereourbodiesleftoff.Whenalittlemoanisgivenfromhertome,myrighthandmoves
downoverhersoftskinandIrunafingertipunderthetopofherdress.“You’resobeautiful.”

“Youalwayssaythat,”shewhispers.Withashakysmile,shetouchesmyneck,herfingerscurving

aroundholdingmeclosetoher.“YouknowI’masurething,right?It’spartofthewholeplan.”

Plan...thedamnplan.“IsayitbecauseIthinkitandbecauseyoudeservetohearit.”I’mgoing

tomakeherforgetallaboutthatfuckingplan.Kneelingbeforeher,Islidemypalmsoverherknees,
hersexylittleknees,andpartthem.Theydon’tgofaruntilIstarttoslidetheskirtofherdresshigher
onherouterthighs.

Breathywithstiffarmsholdingherinplace,shetugsthatbottomlipunderwithherteeth.“I’m

goingtomakeyoufeelsogood,V.”

Withmyeyeslatchedonhers,IslidemyhandupherinnerthighuntilIreachherparadise,a

privatehavenwhereshegreetsmewithmynamesoundingclosertoasinthanthemonikermyfamily
intended.“Hardy.”

Mysmirkisfastandquick,oppositeofhowIplanontouchingher.“Whatisit?Whatdoyou

want,baby?Tellme.”

Hereyesleaveminewhensheturnsherheadtotheside,dippingitdowninagesturethatcomes

intheformofanunhealthyhelpingofdisgrace.

I’mjustnotgoingtohavethat.“Lookatme.”Myhandstops,althoughstillwarmagainsther

softness.“Now.”Whenshedoeslookatme,Isay,“Clearyourhead.There’snothingtobe
embarrassedaboutbetweenus.Don’tletdemonsinthathavenoplacehere.”Irubhertemple.“Or
here.”Movingmyhandtoherchestoverherheart,Itap.“Orevenhere.”Imovemyotherhand,
lovingly,gently,caressinghersoftfoldswiththebackofmyfingers.“Allofyou—mind,body,and
heart—havetowantthis,needtofeelpleasureinsteadofshame.”

“ThisiswhyI’mstillavirgin.IfonethingwasoutofsyncandIletanynegativityorfearin,it

grew.”

“You’renotgoingtodothatwithme.Youknowwhy?”
“Why?”
“BecauseyouknowI’mhereforyou.Youcanslowthisdown.Youcantellmetostop,andIwill.

Anythingyouwant,Iwant.”“I’vebeencalledatease.”

“Thisisaboutyouovercomingthegirlyouwereinthepastandembracingthewomanyouare

now.Thewomanwholiveswithoutregretorfear,whoownshersexualityandwhotakeswhatshe
wantsjustforthepleasureinit.”Ifindherclit,herbodyresponding,Iask,“Sotellme,Virginia,what
doyouwant?”

“That.”Heranswerispointed.HereyesfullofthelustIfeelforher.
“Doyouwantmyhandordoyouwantmymouthonyou?”Herbodyresponds,myhandwetwith

herdesire,andIglidemytongueovermybottomlipwaitingforheranswer.

Fightinghershyness,herreservednaturewhenitcomestosex,shetakesadeepbreath,closesher

eyes,andleansherheadagainsttheglass,lettingherbodyrelaxundermytouch.“Iwantyourmouth
onme,Hardy.”

“Where?Tellmewhereyouwantme.”

“Iwantyourmouthonmypussy.”
Greeneyeslookintomineandshefindsthatmoxiethatusuallyonlycomesoutwhenshe’s

feelingsassy.“Takeoffmypanties,Hardy.”MysmileiswideandI’mmorethanhappytoassistin
gettinghernaked.TakingthembythelaceIslipthemdownherthighsandoverhercalves.

Blackpatent.Redsoles.Highasthefuckingskyheels.Fuckingshoes.Literally.EvenifIgether

completelynaked,theseshoesaregoingtostayon.Sheleansbackagainsttheglassofthewindow
andImakemymove.Loweringmybody,Itakeherlegsoneatatimeandputthemovermy
shouldersuntilshe’sstraddlingme.“Doyouknowhowfuckingsexyyoulookwithyourlegs
wrappedaroundmynecklikethis?”

“Soareyou.Soveryhandsomeandsexykneelingbetweenmylegs.”
HolyJackFuckingDaniels!HearinghercallmesexyishotasHades.Herfingersslideintomy

hairandnowIpassthepowerandlethertakecontrol.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

ytonguedipsfirst,thefirsttastesavored.Mybreathpushedfrommylungs,asshebecomesthe
onlyairIneed.Herbodyisopenforme,radiantwithwant,withherdesireforme.Iflattenmy

tongueandcoverhersolidly.HernailsscrapelightlyovermyscalpasIbuildhertension,mycock
stirringandhardeningintheprocess.

HerlittlemoansgrowlouderwhileIeather.WhenIaddtwofingerstofuckher,Isuckonherclit

untilshecan’tsitstill.Minutes.Itonlytakesherafewminutesbeforeherpussyclenchesandherclit
ispulsing.

Mydickisstraining,theachegrowingimpossiblyhard.Needingtofindsomethingtohelprelieve

thepressure,Ilickmyfingersandstandbeforeher.Mydesireisevidentonmorethanjustmyface.
Hereyesfocusasherorgasmsubsides.Shereachesformybelt,andsays,“Comehere.”

Takingtwostepscloser,Iwatchassheundoesmybeltandthenthebuttonandfinallythezipper.

Shereachesintomypants.“Underwear,Mr.Richard?Ithoughtyouwerethecommandotype.”

“IneededtowearsomethingsinceI’dbearoundyou.Ifnot,Imightbetentingsomuchwoodthat

I’dgetarrestedforpublicindecency.”

Herpalmiswarm,hergriptoolight.Icoverherhand,makinghergraspitmorefirmly.She

smiles.“Publicindecencysoundssohot.You’resuchabadboy.”

“Maybeyoushouldpunishme,withyourmouth.”
“MaybeIwill.”BigRichardisleftalone,butthenhe’sfreedandhisweepingtearlickedrightoff.

Hertonguetastes,andwhenhergazereachesmine,hetwitches.“Doyoulikethat?”

“Yes.”
“Tellmewhatyouwantmetodo,Hardy?Doyouwantmetotakeyourbig,smoothcockintomy

mouth?Doyouwanttoseemylipswrappedaroundyou,suckingyousohardyouforgetyourname
untilIcallitoutwhenyou’refuckingmewithyourfingersagain?Ordoyouwanttofuckmymouth?
Tellme.Tellmewhatyouwantandyoucanhaveit.Youcanhavemehoweveryouwantme.”

“Fuckinghell,Virginia.Openthatdirtymouthofyours.Iwanttoseethoseprettylipswrapped

aroundmesobadly.”

“Howbadly?”
“I’vegottenofftothatimagemoretimesthanIcansayfivefingerFreddywhilesober.”
Asmilereturnstoherface.“Thenweshouldn’twasteanytime.”
Fingerstakeholdofmeandsheleansdown,takingmebetweenherlipswithpurpose.Myhead

dropsback,thesensationoverwhelmingme.“Ohfuck,Virginia.”Heaven.Thisisfuckingheavenon
earth.ButIdon’twanttomissasecondofthisvisual.I’llusethematerialanotherdaywhenthemost
gorgeouswomanI’veeverlaideyesdoesn’thavemydickinhermouth.ShemoansandIjustabout
blow.Fuck.I’mnotgoingtolastlong.

Thenshedoesthismagicalswirlingthingwithasuckandapopattheendandslidesbackdown

mycock,sendingmetothebackofherthroat.Likethequeenoftheunicornssheis.Igrabthebackof
herhead,needingtoholdontosomethingwhilesheswallowsaroundme.“Goddamn.”Shestaysin
placeuntilIsay,“Hey.”

Shelooksup,herlipsticksmearedlikeIhadfantasiesaboutthefirsttimeIeversawher.Bending

down,Ikisshercheek.“You’reamazing.Youknowthat?”Alittleshakeofherheadshowsmeshe
doesn’tknowandthat’sjustunacceptable.“Youare.”

“Iappreciatethat,Hardy,butIknowyou’rejustsayingthat.”
“I’msayingitbecauseImeanit.LikeIsaidbefore,it’snotjustaphysicalthing.Chemistryand

seductiontakeheart,soul,yourthoughtsintherightheadspace.Allofthosefactorsmatter.Sexis
scienceandmath—allthekeycomponentsplayapartoritfallsapart.”

Ikissheronthelips.“Soyourbeautifulbrainworksgreatbutyouneedthatsweetheartofyours

tocatchupwithyourbody.Followyourinstincts.Theywon’tleadyouwrong.”

Puttingherarmsaroundmyneck,shesmilesanditfeelssogoodtosee.“Thankyou.Idon’t

deserveyou.”

“You’reright.Youdeservebetterthanme,butI’mthebastardyoupropositioned,soI’mhereby

default.”

Istandupandhelphertoherfeet.Bendingdownagain,Islideherdressbackdownoverherhips.

WhenIstandup,aprettyblushcolorshercheeks.“Wejustgavetheneighborsquiteashow.”

“Good.Ifthey’retoobusywatchingus,thentheyprobablyneedthefreeshow.”Holdingherby

thearms,Icantellherlegsarestillalittleunsteadyfrombendinglikeshewas.“Holdontomy
shoulder.”Iseriouslyfuckinglovehowmuchshetrustsme.Shedoesn’taskamillionquestions.She
justrestsherhandonmyshoulder.Ibendandtakeoneofherlegsbytheankleandlift.Itakethat
shoeoffandshelandswithherfootflatonthefloorwhenIreachfortheother.Irepeatthesame
thingbeforestandingup.

Withheartsinhereyes,shesays,“ThathastobeoneofthemosteroticthingsI’veever

experienced.”Agigglefollows.

“That’ssayingalotafterwhatwejustdid.”
“It’ssayingeverything.Thankyou,Hardy.”
“You’rewelcome.”
Shetakesadeepbreathandreleasesitrevealingasmile.“I’mgoingtochangeclothes.Help

yourselftomorewhiskeyifyouwantit.”

Iwatchasshewalksaway,nevertiringoftheviewofthatgreatass.Whenshedisappearsintoher

bedroom,Igointothekitchenandrefillmyglass.

Callingfromtheotherroom,shesays,“Hardy?”
“Yeah?”
“Canyouhelpmewiththiszipper?”
Ihavetheglasstomylips,butwhenshecalls,Igo.Shetastesbetterthanwhiskeyeverwill.When

Ireachthedoorway,Ilookin.Herbedroomissoher—stylishandwelcoming.Shehaswhathastobe
thefluffiestcomforterI’veeverseendrapedoverthebed.Iwanttodivein,butshe’sstandingnextto
itandwow,mybreathislosttothevisionofherinredagain.

Yeah.Yeah.IknowIjusthadherinwaysthatareintimateandspecial,butit’slikethereminderis

there,makingmewanttoskipaheadtolessonfourrightnow.Iwalktoherandmoveherhairover
oneshoulder.Takingthezipperpullinhand,Islowlyunzipit,appreciatingeveryinchofskin
exposed,andlettingmyfingersrunthelengthofherspine.“Youlookincredibleinthisdress.”

“I’mgladyoulikeit.Iboughtitfortheholidayparty.It’sHerveLeger.Isplurged.”
Myhandstopsasmygazerisestothebackofherexposedneck,thesameneckIliketokiss,lick,

andsuck.Shekeepstalking,notnoticingthatI’mfrozentothespottryingtocontrolthispaininmy
chest...thesefeelings.Fuck.“Betweentheshoesandthedress,Ispentamonth’sworthofrent,but
youseemtolikethemsoI’mhopingit’smoneywellspent.I’mreallyhopingtomakeanimpression
onNewYear ’s.”

“Youboughtthisforhim?”
Sheglancesbackatmeoverhershoulder.“Iboughtitfortheparty.”
“Youboughtthisdressforthatasshole,butworeitformeforwhatreason?”Ispinheraroundto

faceme,holdingherbytheupperarms.“Toseeifitwouldgetthereactionyou’rehopingtogetfrom
him?”Hergazefallsfrommineasshametakesover.“Lookatme,V.Lookatmeandtellmethe
truth.”

“Wellyes,”shesays,hesitantly.“Iknewifyoulikeditonme,Lowrywouldlikeit.”
MyhandsfallawayandIraisemyhead,mygazesearchingherceilingasItrytocalmtheturmoil

that’sspinninginsideofme.WhenIlookbackather,Iseetheanxietyreturntohereyes,thesameI
sawthefirsttimesheapologizedtome.AndasmuchasIwanttocalmit,Idon’t.Iwon’t.Sheneedsto
feelit.Sheneedstofeelwhatit’sliketohurtsomeonewhocaresabouther,soshedoesn’tdoitagain.
Ibitemytongueandmovearoundtounzipthedresstherestoftheway.ThenIwalkoutofthe
bedroomandstraightforthekitchen.I’mstaringdownattheglassofwhiskeywhen,fromadistance
behindme,shesays,“Hardy,I’msorry.Iwasn’tthinking.”

Idon’tturnaround.Idon’tletheroff.Ijusttaketheglassandfinishtheliquor.WhenIsetitdown

onthecounter,Iclosemyeyes,anddropmyhead.“Whenareyougoingtosee,Virginia?”
Disappointment,heartbreak,andresolvefillmytone,andIsay,“Thiswon’tbepretty.”

“What?”There’satrembletohertonethatmakesmehatemyselfforcausingit.
“Us.”Istandthere,beforeher,hopegone.“There’sonlyonewayforthistoendandit’sbadly.
Onestep.
Twomore.
Shestops,afraidtocomecloser.
Afraidofme?
Sheswallowshardenoughformetohear.“Itdoesn’thaveto.”
“Butitwill.Areyoureadytotakethefall?Cuzthere’snogoingup,sweetheart.It’sdownhillfrom

here.”

“Wecankeepthingslight.Fun—”
“Andgames.”
“Iwasn’tgoingtosaythat.”
“Youdidn’thaveto.Whatdoyouwantfromme?”
“Iwantyourfriendship.Iwantyour—”
“Andwhat?”Iask,leaningonthecounterandcrossingmyarmsovermychest.Myfeelingsmay

behurt,butI’minnohurrytoleavethembleedingatherfeetintheFinancialDistrict.“Justsayit.
Friendshipandwhat?”

“Support.”
Friend-zoned.JustlikethatI’vebeentakenoutoftherunning.“Andthereitis.”Asmirkcomes

out,butit’smoreoneofdisbeliefthananythingelse.“Letmeaskyousomething.How’dyouget
LowrytocometoTheHideawaythatnight?Forreal.”

Sheshiftsonherfeet,thereddresslooseinthefrontfromhangingopenintheback.“Italkedone

ofthereceptionistshe’salwayshittingonintogoingout.ShesuggestedTheHideaway.Katiehad
beentryingtogetmetogothereformonths.SoIcasuallyonpurposemadesureLowryknewwe’d
betherethatnightandhetoldmetotexthimtheaddress.”

“Youwalkedinalone.Whathappenedtotheotherwoman?”

“Hermarriedboyfriendcalled.Whenhecallsthatmeanshe’sfreefromhiswifeandkids,soshe

hastobereadytomeethimonamoment’snotice.”Theimageofmyboss’sex-wifecryinginSaks
FifthAvenueinstantlycomestomind.Shecontinues,“Ididn’tbothertotextLowrythatshehad
cancelled.”

“Hewaspossessiveofyou.”
“Hefeelsveryprotectiveofthewomenintheofficeevenifhehasnointerestinus.”
“Whenyouleftwithhim,didhethinkyouweregoinghomewithhim?”
“Yes.”Shecomescloserandleansherhipagainstthecounternexttome.“Hetouchedmeonthe

leginthecarandtriedtokissme.”

“That’swhatyouwanted.”
“Idon’twantitinthebackofacarwherehegetsoffthengetsoutandleavesmeridinghome

alone.”

“Whatdoyouexpectfromhim?Whatdoyouwant?”
“Iwantlove,Hardy.”
“You’relookinginthewrongplacethen,sweetheart.Iknowthatasshole.Iusedtobethatasshole.

SowhenIsaywearegoingtoendbadly—youandI,youandthisLowrydudearegoingtobe
disastrous.”

“Don’tsaythat.”
“I’mnotgoingtolietoyouanymore.Ican’tprotectyoufromself-destructing,butIwilltellyou

whatI’mgoingtodoforyou.”

“Whatisthat?”
“I’mgoingtostay.I’mgoingtogiveyouthefriendshipandsupportyouwantfromme.”
“Why?”
“BecausewhenhefucksyouonNewYear ’sandthenhe’sflirtingwiththereceptionistthenext

day,you’regoingtoneedafriend.”Itakeherhandandholditbetweenus.“I’llbethatfriendfor
you.”

Tearsfillhereyesandshefallsintomyarms.Iwrapthemaroundherandkissthetopofherhead.

ThepainIfeelnowwon’tcomparetothepainIknowshe’sgoingtoexperiencewiththatasshole.
LikehowIknewsheneededtofeelbadforhurtingme,sheneedstogothroughwithherplansoshe
willeventuallyseeshehadmeallalong.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

irginiaandIhavecometoanunderstanding.OrshouldIsay,I’vecometomysenses.Nomore
visitstothehipster.Iwasrightallalong.Loveblindsyoutoreality.I’vetakenoffmyrose-

coloredglasses.ImighthaveactuallystompedthemintosmithereensbeforeIclimbedintobedwith
her.

Beforeyousay,“ButHardy,sheshotyoudown,”letmeexplain.WhenIdecidedtostayand

supportourfriendship,Imeantit.Maybeit’stheridiculousnotionofit’sbettertohavewhateverIcan
versusnothingatallifI’dwalkedoutthatdoor.OrmaybedespitethebullshitIspew,aninkling,or
betteryet,smallerthananinklingwhateverthatis,ofhopestillexists.Alotlikethatseedthatwas
plantedwhenImetherit’stherestill,rollingaroundinthedirtthatisself-respect.Icanfeelitlikethe
princessfeltthepea,butsinceit’sme,it’smorelikethekingandhis...whatever.Yougetthedrift.

SohereIam,lyingnexttoher,watchingaromanticcomedythatIdon’tthinkisfunnyatall.That

mightbebecauseVirginia’sandmyrelationshipresemblesthemessI’mwatchingalittletooclosely.
“Ultimately,she’sstillcheating,”Isay,pointingatthescreenlikeMegRyanwillstophernonsense
andbreakupwithherboyfriendbeforepursuingTomHanks.“Oh,herlastnameisRyan,likeyou.”

“We’renotrelated.”
“Toobad.”
“Iknow.IcoulduseavacationtoLAaboutnow.”Sheliftsherhead,andasks,“Areyouhungry?”
“Icaneat.”
Usingmychestasleverage,sheliftsupandshootsaneyebrowupinamusement.“Youdidearlier

—twice.OnceatKate&Theoandthenme.”

“Didyousetmeupforthatlamejoke?”
“No.”Shelaughs.“I’mactuallyhungry.Thefoodwasgoodbuttheportionsweretiny.Wanttogo

outandgetsomethingtoeat?”

“Youdorealizeit’salmostmidnight,right?”
“Comeon.Where’syoursenseofadventure,Hardy?”
“BackinBrooklynwhereIknowIcangetagreatsandwichinthemiddleofthenightatthelocal

deli.”

“WellIcanbeatit.”
“Wannabet?”
“I’llbetyouthefood.”
“You’reon.”Weflipourfeettothefloorandstartpullingonourclothesandshoesagain.Ipeek

overatherontheothersideofthebed.ShewaslounginginsweatpantsandaTheResistanceT-shirt
shegotfromtheirtourafewmonthsback.Iflickedthepicoftheleadsingerthatcoversthefront
whenshetalkedabouthowhothewasliveandshefeltlikehewassingingjustforher.Irolledmy

eyesandflickedheragainbeforerealizingIhadactuallyflickedhernipple.Aftershesaid,“Ouch,”
andrubbedit,sheadmitteditfeltprettygood.

ThatwasahappysideeffectthatI’dlovetoexploremorewithhersometime,butsinceourearlier

talk,Ineedtobackoff.Ialsoneedtobecarefulorshe’llhavemefaceoverfistindeepshitfeelsfor
heralloveragain.SonaturallyIimmediatelyacceptedherinvitationtowatchthemoviewithherin
bed.That’swhereshehasherDVDplayerpluggedin.Ididn’tevenknowtheystillmadeDVD
players.Don’twejustdownloadmoviesthesedays?

Guessnot.
Shepausesthemovieandstandsup.“Youready?”
“AsI’lleverbe.Whereareyoutakingme?”
“That’sformetoknowandyoutofindout.”
She’ssohappythatIdon’twanttoburstherbubblebytellingherIreallyshouldbegoinghome.I

don’twanttoburstmyhappybubbleeither.Thatseedissproutingfromhopetofate,andIbelieve
wholeheartedlyindestiny.It’swhatI’veusedtoguidemyownlife.MaybeIneedtotrustinitwhenit
comestomylovelife.

Thedoormanissurprisedtoseeusewhenweexitthebuilding.Asifwe’reacouple,Virginia’s

armslidesaroundmineandourfingersweavetogetherandweholdhands.“Yourhandsarefucking
freezing,”Isay,surprisedherhandsfeelcolderthanawitch’stit.

“Sorry,”shesayslikeshe’snotreallythatsorry.“You’resowarm.God,Ineedyourhands

warmingmybody.”

BigRichardstirs.“Pleasedon’tsaythingslikethat.WemayhavegottenoffbutIhaven’thadsex

sinceImetyouandwordslikewarmandhandsonyourbodykindofremindmydickthathe’snot
slippedintoawoman’ssleepingbaginawhile.”

“Ewwww.Awoman’ssleepingbag?Gross.”
“Iwastryingtobepolite.Wouldyourathermesaypussy?BecauseIhavenoproblemsaying

pussy.”

“Apparently,andyoujustdidtwice.Also,yousuredidn’tmindsayingitearlier.”
“EarlierIwaseatingyourpussy.Wewereinthemoment.Nowwe’rewalkingdownthestreet,to

whoknowswhereintheworld,holdinghands.”

“Wasthatyouromancingme,Hardy?”
“Nope.ButifIwas,woulditbeworking?”
“Totally.”Sheleansherheadonmyshoulder,andsqueezesmyhandtighter.“Sleepingbagsare

cozyandcomfyandwarm,likesweatpants.AndyouknowIlikethose.”

“See,I’mplayingtomyaudience.”
“You’regenerouslikethat,andyou’rewarmingmyhandsup.”
Warmingcoldhands.Glovesaregreatforthat.“Oh,Ialmostforgot.”Ireachinsidemycoat

pocketandpulloutthegloves.“Igotyouthese.”

Herfeetcometoasuddenhaltandshetakestheglovesfromme.“Youboughtmegloves?”
“Yeah,earliertonight.”
“YouboughtmeglovesearliertonightfromBendel’s?”
“Idid.”Ireachoverandtouchthemagain.“They’recashmere.”
“Hardy,Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
“Youdon’thavetosayanything.Justwearthem.”
Shepullsthemoffthehangerandslidesherhandsintothem.“OhmyGod.Theseareheaven.

Heaven,Itellyou.”Herbodyisclingingtomine,herarmswrappedaroundmyneckcuttingoffmy
airway.“ThisisoneofthemostthoughtfulgiftsI’veeverreceived.”

Iloosenthenooseofherarms,andcough.“They’reonlygloves,V.”“Youdon’tunderstand.Iwas

shoppingtodayandeverystorewassoldout.Iwassodisappointed,buthereyouaretakingmeto
dinneratanimpossibletogetareservationrestaurantandpullingglovesfromyourpocketlikethey
magicallyappearedafterawish.Idon’tknowwhereyoucamefrom,HardyRichard,butI’mso
fortunatetohaveyouinmylife.Thankyouforthegloves.Ilovethem.”

“You’reverywelcome.”
Shekissesmycheekandthentakesmyhandagain.Thistimeherhandisfuzzyandwarm.Similar

tomyfeelingsrightnow.

Excitedly,shepoints,andannounces,“There.”
“Ahotdogstand?”I’mnotdisappointedbutIamsurprised.“Iwasn’tfillingenough?”
I’melbowed.“Youweretoofilling.Asforfood,let’seat.”
Fiveminuteslater,I’mstandingonthecornerofaManhattanstreetholdingthecartowner ’slast

twodogswhileshecarefullypullstheglovesoffherhandsandtuckstheminherpockets.

Twominutesafterthat,she’stossedthenapkinsanddevouredthehotdogandshe’sputtingthe

glovesonliketheyaregoldrings.Ialmostexpecthertocallthemherprecious.Freakybastard.

Wewalkfasterthistime,bothofuscold.Beforewereachthebuilding,sheasks,“Willyoustay?”
Nobuilduporwordforeplay.Shejustthrowsitoutthereliketheopeningpitchatthestartof

baseballseason,andIcatchit.Yes.Yes.Yes.“Sure,”Ireplycasuallywithashrug,pretendingIcould
taketheofferorleaveit.

What?Didyouexpectmetosaynobecauseofearlier?I’maguy.Wegetovershitquick.Feelings

arehandledbyhidingorignoringthemcompletely.Ifanemotiondecidestohangaroundtoolongit
basicallybecomesaroundofhidethesausage.Youknow,tuckithere.Tuckitthere.Tuckitanywhere
youcanshoveit.Preferablyintoawarm,wet—thedoortoherbuildingisopened.

Thedoormanisontous.I’msurehehasasecondsenseforcouplesgettingiton.He’slookingme

overlikeanoverprotectiveolderbrother,whichthankGod,shedoesn’thave.Brotherscanbereal
dickstodealwithwhenitcomestodatingtheirsisters.Especiallyifsaidsister,aftershebegsyouto
hidesaidearliersausageinsideher,hasanoverlysteroidedbrotherbustintoherroomandstarta
fightwhileyelling,“Mine”and“Handsoffmygirl.”Andtheclassic,“Iwillkillyou.”

Then,asyou’rerunningoutthedoorwithyourfrankn’beanscovered,youseethemmakingup

withakiss.Yeah,nowthat’sahorrifyingsightthatstayswithyoulongafteryoufindoutthey’re
stepsiblings,andtheyjustmettwoyearsearlier.They’restillfucking.Christmasattheirhousemust
beveryentertaining.

I’vejustheardofthiskindofthinghappening.It’sneverhappenedtome.Nope...Nottome.But

Idigress...

Inodaswepassbyandgobackupstairs.Intheelevator,we’requiet.It’slate.We’retired,and

probablyhavetoomuchonourminds.Thingshavereallychangedthelastcoupleofweeks,andI
neversawitcoming.Evenmyinitialblindsidehasbeenblindsided.Isneakaglimpseofherjustas
she’ssneakingoneofme.Whatmustshethinkofme?Whatgoesoninsidethatprettyheadofhers?I
sometimeswonderifshefeelsthesameaboutmeasIdoher.Communicatingthosefeelingscould
probablysetthingsstraight,butwhat’sthefuninthat?Aren’tourtwentiesaboutfumblingaround
tryingtofindourselves,andhopinglovefindsusalongtheway?Fuck,whoknows?Isuredon’t.
Anyway,she’smadeherchoicemorethanclear.

LowryonNewYear ’sEve.Theplanisalreadyinmotioninherhead.Theassholewins.Hegets

thegirl,hermidnightkiss,andbeingseducedattheWaldorf-Astoria.

Check.Check.Anddoublecheck.Game.Set.Match.
Fuckmylovelife.
Iwasdoingjustfinebeforethatfour-letterwordwasn’taroundcock-blockingmetotheprettiesat

thebar,andovercomplicatingmylifeingeneral.Ifshewantshim,shecanhavehim.Asforme,it’s

allsystemsgoandmovingforwardwiththeplaninplace.ItsnotlikeIhaveanyrighttogripeabout
hersleepingwithsomeoneelse.She’ssingle,andwe’renotacouple.

Fuck.Ican’tevenbelieveIlettheC-wordslipfrommymouth.Likethehipsterwarned,Ineedto

watchmylanguage.

Whenweentertheapartment,Ihelpherwithhercoatandhangitonthehook.Shetakesher

glovesoff,andsays,“Thankyouagainforthese.”

“You’rewelcome.”SilencestartstoextendthedistancethatstandsbetweenusasItakemycoatoff

andhangitup.

“Glassofwater?”sheasksfromthekitchen.
“Sure.”
Shecomesbackintothelivingroomandhandsmeatallglass.“Thankyouforstaying.Iknow...

well,justknowIwantyouhere,Hardy.”

Forsomereason,mydamnheartrefusestoleavemysleeve.“Iwanttobeherewithyou.”
Takingmyhand,wewalkintothebedroomtogether.Shegoestotheleftsideofthebedandsets

herwateronthenightstand,soIwalktotherightside,settingminedown.“Guessyousleeponthe
left.GoodthingbecauseIsleepontheright.”

“It’slikewe’remadeforeachother.”Withthatleftbehindlingeringintheairaroundme,she

goesintothebathroomandshutsthedoor.

IthinkIstareatthatdoorforagoodthreeminutes,maybelonger,herwordsreplayingthrough

myhead.BythetimeIsettleonthefactthatshemighthavejustadmittedthatshe’sactuallyattractedto
meI’vealreadyhashtaggedthatsuckerandpocketeditforlaterinmynotesapp.Seemsmaybemy
feelingsaren’tasunwarrantedasIoncethought.Maybe.Justmaybewearemadeforeachother.

#MFEO

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

standtherelikeagoof,notsurewhatI’msupposedtobedoing,soIundresslikeIwasearlier,
downtomyboxerbriefsandsocksbecausemyfeetarecold.Wechangeplaces—shecrawlsunder

thecoversinhersweatpantsandResistanceT-shirtandIgotothebathroom.Beforethedoorcloses,
shesays,“Isetoutatoothbrushforyou.”

“Thanks.”
Thebluebrushisfullyloadedwithstripedpaste,soIwetitandgototown.Icanonlyimagine

howmybreathisaftershovingawienerdownmythroat.Wait,what?Hotdog.Dirtybirds.

WhileIscrubmypearlywhites,Idowhatanyguestwoulddo—digthroughthemedicinecabinet

andtheoneunderthesink.There’snothingtoointerestingotherthaneverything.It’slikeameccafor
nosypeoplewholiketogotheextramileandsnoopthroughpeople’sstuff.Coughdrops,Vick’s
VapoRub,Advil,Emergen-Cpackets,toothbrushandpaste,anoutofdateprescriptionfor
Amoxicillin,tampons,andwhatdowehavehere—aboxofextralargecondomsinribbedforher
pleasurevanillaflavored.Damn,that’sgotalotgoingon.Whateverhappenedtoitbeingusedfor
protection?Ilikethatshe’sprepared.Inowmusttorture-teaseheraboutit.

Ispit,rinse,andwrapupmybusinessbeforetakingtheblackboxwithneonyellowwritingtobed

withme.Theoverheadlightisoffandtheroomisdimexceptforthelamponhernightstand.Iclimb
underthefluffyblanketandtosstheboxonthebedbetweenus.

Virginia’sgazelandsonitandhereyebrowsshootup.SotopushthisabitfurtherthanIshould

forentertainmentpurposesonly,Iask,“Doyouhaveavibrator?”

“Hardy,”shecautions,warning,ormorelikewanting,toendthisalready.
“Doyou?”
Shegrabsherpillowanddragsitflatdownandflopsback,thenpullstheawesomelysoftblanket

overherhead.“Yes.”

“Showme.”
Theblanketisflappeddownwithauthority.“No.”
“Yes.”Imovedownandrestonmyelbow.
“No.”Thefirmnessofhertonesecondsearlieristeeteringongivingin.
Reachingover,Irubmyhandoverherstomach.AndeventhoughI’mdamnjealousthatrock

bandgetstohangoutonherchest,Igetthepleasureofslidingitupandgettingtherealthing.Ilean
downandkissherstomachwhiledippingmyfingertipsunderthewaistbandofhersweatpants.“Iwant
towatchyoupleasureyourself.”

Thescoffcomesoutstuckinthemiddleofabellylaugh.“Noway.”
“Why?Doyouknowhowhotthatis?”Iliebackandclosemyeyes.“Thinkingaboutyoutouching

yourselflikethat,gettingoff.”Igrabmorethanahandfulofmydick.“Itturnsmeonjustthinking

aboutit.”

Hervoiceislower,thehintofdebateheard.“Ican’t,Hardy.”
Turningtolookather,Ikeepstrokingmycock.“Youcan.Remember,withus,thereisno

judgment.Nonegativity.Justus.Justpleasure.”Ileanoverandkissthesideofhermouthwhile
rubbingherhip.Pressingmyerectionagainstherleg,aslowgyratebegins.“Yousmellsogood,and
feelevenbetter.Doyouknowhowmuchyouturnmeon?”

Anexhaleofbreathisheardfromhernosebeforeshegivesinandopenshermouthformoreair.

“Icanfeelyou,butwhenIdo,Iwantyoumorethanlessonthree.”

Irolltomyback.Puttingmyarmsovermyeyes,Ireleasemyownhardbreath.“God.Metoo.So

much.”

“Maybewe—”
Ilookather.“No.”
“Why?”
“Becausethefirsttimeshouldmatterandifwehavesexrightnowitwon’tbeaboutyou,butme.”
“Idon’tcare.”Nowshemovestohersideandrubsovermystomachandbeginsgoinglower.“I

wanttobewithyou.”

Grabbingherwrist,Istopherhandfromreachingitsintendeddestination.“Iwanttobewithyou

somuch.Thisisnotjusthardforme,it’salmostimpossible,butIwon’ttreatyoulikeeveryother
guyoutthere.Thisisimportanttome.You’verespectedyourselfenoughtoholdoff.I’mjustasking
youtoholdonalittlelonger.”

SheliesbackandasmuchasIhatethatherhandsaren’tonme,it’snottherighttime,butIknow

whenis.“WhatareyoudoingnextSaturday?”

Aslowsmilesslidesintoplace,justhowIlikeher—happy.“That’smybirthday.”
“Iknow.”
Whenhereyesmeetmine,sheasks,“Iwashopingtospenditwithyou.Ididn’tknowifyou’dbe

abletogetoffworktwoSaturdaysinarow.”

Hoardinginonherrealestate,Imakemyselfmorecomfortableandrestmyheadonherpillow.

“HaveyouforgottenI’mtheboss?”

“It’shardtoforgethowbossyyouarewhenyou’realwaysremindingme,”sheteases.
Ipullhercloseandwrapmyarmaroundherandspankherplayfullyonthatfineassofhers,then

getasolidgrab.BecauseIcan.

Shesnugglesagainstmeandcloseshereyes.ThenIwhisper,“CanItakeyououtforyour

birthday,V?”

Herbodyisrelaxedandmoldedtomine.YouknowthosefeelingsI’vebeenwalkingaroundwith

onmysleevethatIcan’tseemtoshake?Yeah,theycrawlupintomychestmakingthebeatsbounce
aroundmyribcagewildly.HoldingherisjustwhatIneeded.She’snotjustwarmingmyarms.She’s
settingmysoulonfire.

“I’dlovethat.Thankyou.”
Istrokeherhairandkissherhead.“Thankyou,sweetgirl.”Closingmyeyes,Iwhisper,“Sweet

dreams.”

“Sweetdreams.”
Thewomanneedsblackoutcurtains.Thisblindinglightisridiculous.“Fuck,”Igroan,rolling

awayfromthewindow.“Whothefuckisshiningaspotlightinhere?”

Herlaughislightandthebedshakesalittle.Sheleansherforeheadagainstmineandsays,“That’s

calledthesun.Iknowyouworknights,butthisiswhatmorninglookslike.”

Grabbingapillow,Icovermyhead.“Morningisoverrated.Let’sgobacktosleepuntilamore

sociabletime.I’mpartialtotwo.”

Sheslinksunderthepillowandkissesmynose.“Ican’tsleepanymore.I’mgoingtomakecoffee.

CanIbringyouacup?”

“Whattimeisit?”
“Seventhirty.”
“Yes,I’dlikeacup...inaboutfivehours.”
Laughingagain,thebedmoveswhenshestartstoleave.Igrabherwrist,andthenherleg,and

dragherbackunderthecovers.“Stay.”

Withoutprotest,sheshiftsandwrapsherarmsaroundme.Irestmyheadonherchest,lettingthe

steadybeatofherheartlullmebacktosleep.

ThenexttimeIopenmyeyes,I’maloneinbed.
Whichiswrongonsomanylevels.
IhearChristmasmusicplayingsoftlyintheotherroom.Iflipthecoversoffandpadacrossthe

floorignoringthemassivebonerI’msporting.Hecanbehandledinamoment.Ipeekintotheliving
roomandseeVirginiasittingonthefloorwithwrappingpaperandpresentsallaroundher.

Visionsofafastforwardfuture:fireburninginafireplace,musicplaying,hersittingsurrounded

bytoysandaplateofcookiesandmilkcomestomind,completelyfreakingmeout.

Boner.Gone.Justlikethat.
Iduckbackandgetdressed.Afteraquickvisittothebathroom,Icomeouttofindherstandingin

thedoorwaywithapinkcupofcoffeeoutstretched.“Goodmorning.Ithoughtyoumightlikethis.”

“Atravelmug?”
“Coffeetogo.Ifiguredyou’dbereadytoboltwhenyougotup,”shesayswithasmilethatwould

devastatemeifIweren’talreadyfreakedoutfromthefuturethatflashedbeforemyeyes.

“Yeah.”Ishiftunderheranalyzinggaze.
Itakethepinkcup.“I’msupposedtoopenthebar.”
“It’sokay,Hardy.Wedon’thavetomakethisawkward.”StandingtherelookingatmelikeI’ma

problemshe’stryingtosolve—thenumbersoutofwhackandmakingnosenseuntilshefindsthe
missingfactor,sheadds,“Ineverexpectedyoutostay.”

Wellthatmadeitawkward.Movingcloser,Itouchhercheek,hatingthatIdon’tjusthearthe

disappointmentinhervoice,butIseeitinhereyes.“I’llseeyouSaturday.”Shenods,herwordsnot
comingwhenshemovescloserandrestshercheekagainstmychest.Ihugher.Tight.Forher.For
me.“Saturday,okay?”

“Okay.”
“Lookatme,”Isay,leaningback.Whenshedoes,Ismile.“I’mgladIstayed.”
Hersmilegrowsandshetightensherholdaroundmymiddle.“Metoo.”Liftingup,shekissesmy

lipsgentlyandinsteadofdroppingdown,shestays.Iclosemyeyesandsavorthetasteofhersweet
lips.ThenIkissherback.

There’snotongueandourhandsstayabovethewaist,whichishardbecauseshe’swearingthese

littleshortsthathugherhipsandbarelycoverthatassofhers.Whyshewasn’twearingtheselast
nightinbed,Ihavenoidea,butthesweatpantsaregettingburnednexttimeIstayover.

Iweavemyfingersintoherhairandholdherthere,realizingIwishIdidn’thavetogo.Herlips

aresoftandcaressing.Thisjustmightbemyfavoritekissofalltime—easy,uncomplicated,simple.
SogoodthatIstarttothinkmaybewedon’thavetoendbadlyafterall.Maybewedon’thavetoendat
all.

Shestepsback,ourhandsstillclasped.Thatlookthat’sstartingtobecomearegularfixtureinthe

greenofhereyesisthere,thecornersatthetoproundedandthebottominapoint.Idon’tsay
anythingbecauseI’mnotsosurethatmybrowneyesaredoingthesame.

Walkingmetothedoor,shesays,“I’llseeyounextSaturday.”

“I’lltextyou.”
Thedoorisopenedandsheleansagainstitwatchingmewalkthrough.Iturnandcatchhereyes

onmyass.Iwink,andsay,“Myeyesareuphere,sweetheart.”

Justascocky,sheraisesaneyebrowatme.“Myeyesareupherebutthatdidn’tstopyoufrom

gettingapartingeyefulofmytits.”

Shrugging,Ilaugh.“Can’twaittoseethoseperkygirlsagain.”
“Maybeyou’llgetluckynextweekend.Westillhaveonelessonleft.”
Walkingbackwardtotheelevator,Iletmygazegrazeoverhertonedlegs.Ilookupandsmile

whileraisingmyarmsoutwide.“I’masurething,honey,soyou’redefinitelygettingluckynext
weekend.”Ipunchtheelevatorbutton.

Whentheelevatorarrives,Iwaveandsay,“Seeyou,Virginia.”
“Seeyou,Hardy.”
Isteponandamsmilinglikealoon.Theladyalreadyontheelevatorpullsherlittledaughter

underherarmandcoversherears.Ican’tstopfromlaughing,butIgivethemtheirspace.I’m
temptedtospewaslewofcursesjusttomakethehand-muffsworththeeffort,butIbehave.

Whenwegettothelobby,shescurriesoff,butthelittlegirlsays,“Goodbye.”
Smiling,Ireply“Goodbye.”
Theyleavequickly.Thedoormancontinuesholdingthedoorforme.“Goodmorning.”
“Goodmorning.”
JustasIstepoutside,headds,“Ms.Ryansureisalovelywoman.”
“Shesureis.”Ismileandlookback,thinkinghehasmoreonhismindthanjustanicecomment

aboutV.

“Sheneverhasguestsover.”Inod,wonderingwherethisisgoing.Hecontinues,“It’sgoodtosee

shehadcompany.”

Standingundertheawning,Ilookathim,digestingtheinformationhe’ssharing.Sheneverhas

anycompany?Ismiletoobigtolethiminonwhy.I’lljustlooklikeanasshole.I’llleavethatroleto
theassholehimselfatherwork,butIcan’tnotsaysomething,soIdo,“You’llbeseeingalotmoreof
me.”Claim.Staked.

Henods,hisownsmileinplace.“Goodtohear.”
Ishakethedoorman’shand.“I’mHardyRichard,bytheway.”
“BarryRusk.”
“Goodtomeetyou,Barry.”
“Youtoo.Haveagoodday,Mr.Richard.”
“Thankyou.Iplanonhavingagreatday.”HetipshiscaptomeandItipmyimaginaryonetohim.
Greatindeed.WiththreelessonsdownandoneleftthatI’vebeensavingforherbirthday,thebest

isyettocome.

DoIreallyhavetosayit?
Fine.Youwin.
Thebestisyettocome.Literallyandfiguratively.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

don’twanttoteachher.

Iwanttowinher.

Iwanttobewithher.
Idon’tknowwhenthischangecameoverme.Icanthinkofamillionlittlethingsthatswayedme

totakenoticeofVirginiaRyan:utterlyendearingsmile,thatlittleinchlongscaronthesideofher
rightkneecap,thewayshesmellsofvanilla,oreventhewayherlipsfallopenwhenshefallsapart
fromtouchingherinthatmostheavenlyofplaces.

ButIknowthetruth.DeepdownIknow.
TheminutemyPalomawalkedintothebar,shewalkedrightintomyheartandclaimeditasher

own.It’sbeentwodayssinceIleftherapartmentandIdon’tthinkI’vegonefiveminuteswithout
thinkingabouther.I’vebeenworkinglongshifts,onpurpose.Workingbeatssittingaroundbeating
offonmyown.Well,I’vedonethattoo.Imean,Ihavefreshmemoriestogetoffto.Icanalmosttaste
VonmytongueifIclosemyeyesandrememberherlegsspreadbeforeme,herheadpressedtothe
windowforalltoseeus.Fuck,I’mhardagain.

ItuckthebarragintothefrontofmypantsandtellLeo,thenewestperson,who’sabartenderand

model,tojointheteam,“I’vegottomakeacall...intheback.”

“Isthatwhatthekidsarecallingit?Aphonecall?”
“Hey,youhaven’tbeenherelongenoughtogivemeahardtime.”
“Doesn’tseemlikeI’mtheonegivingyouahardtime,andifIam,thenweneedtohaveatalk.”
“Fuckyou,”Isay,flippinghimoffwhileshakingmyhead.Iturntoleave.Fuckerisfunny.And

ballsy.Theladiesaregoingtolovehim.

I’mgonejustoveranhour.Iwenthometohavelunchanddealwiththissituationinmypants.It

tooktwospurtsessionstogetoutthepentupdesireIhaveforthatwoman.Feelingrelievedandless
irritated,IleavemyapartmentandgrabahamandSwissonthewaybacktothebar.I’mfucking
starving.

WhenIroundthecornertothestreetofTheHideaway,Istopandduckintoacoffeeshop’s

doorway.Peekingaroundandstaring,I’mnotevensurewhyI’mhiding.

“Hardy?”
MyfaceisplasteredtothewindowwhenIjumpfromthesoundofmynamebehindme.“Fuck.”
Laughtertinklesbehindme.Ahandtakesmyarm.“Sorry,”shesays,“Ididn’tmeantoscareyou.”
“HeyLuisa.”Ishrugandtugatthebottomofmycoattostraightenit.“No,no,youdidn’t.”
“Yousureaboutthat?Bylookingatthefaceprintyouleftsmearedonmywindow,Ithinkyou

mightbekiddingyourselfthere,buddy.”

“Ineverkidmyself.”Virginiacomestomindimmediately.“Okay,maybesometimes.”

“Anyway,whoarewehidingfrom?”
“Nothiding.Idon’tevenknowwhyIduckedunder.It’smyparents.”
“Ohhhh,”shereplies,lookingaroundthecorner.“Doyounotgetalongwiththem?”
“No,Iactuallygetalongwiththemgreat.”Icatchaglimpsedownthesidewalk.They’vegone

inside.“IthinkI’mjustnotinthemoodtobeinterrogatedaboutmylife,andwhenIsaylife,Imean
lovelife.”

Laughing,shewipesdownoneofthebistrotables.“Isee.Sohowisthelovelife?Hasanyone

managedtocatchtheeyeoftheunhookableHardyRichard?”

“Ha!Goodone.”
“Evenfunnierbecauseit’strue.”
“Maybe.”
Shesquealsandjumpsup.“Maybefunnierbecauseit’strueormaybebecausesomeonecaught

youreye?”

“Aren’ttheysortofthesamething?”
“Maybe.”Shelaughsagain.“Sotellme.”
Walkingbackontothesidewalk,Ismileandraiseaneyebrow.“Let’sjustsay...maybe.”Ileave

herwiththat,nowlaughingmyself.

“You’reincorrigible,Hardy.”
“SoI’mtold.”
Ireachthebarandpullthedoorwideopen.Timetofacethemusic.Myeyeshaven’tevenadjusted

betweentheglaringwhiteofthesnowoutsideandthedimlightinginsidewhenIhearthatfamiliar
claspingofhands,andthen,“Hardy,darling.”

“HiMom.HiDad.”
Leostandsupfrombehindthebarwithabottleofchampagneinhand.“Yourparentsarehere.”
“Yeah,thanksfortheheadsup.”
“Mypleasure.Ormaybeit’sbeenyoursforthelasttwohours.”
Glaring,Iremind,“Myparentsarehere.”
“Iknow,”hereplies,chuckling.Leo’sbusypouringthreeglasseswhileIhugmymomandthen

mydadbecausehe’sbecomeahuggybastardsinceheretired.

“Whatbringsyouby?”Ihandthemeachaglass.
Mymomtiltsherstotapagainstmine.“Cheers.”
Afterwedrink,mydadleadsustoatable.“Wewereintheneighborhood.”
Wesettlein,andIask,“Brooklyn?That’squiteawaysfromtheneighborhoodofanotherstate.”
“Connecticut’snotthatfar,”mymomsays.“Anyway,wewantedtogetsomeshoppingdoneinthe

city.”Shelooksaround.“Theplaceislookinggood.You’rekeepingitveryclean.”

“Wehaveaservice.They’repaidwell.”
“Good.Noonewantstohangoutinasticky,stankybar.Anicekemptestablishmentbringsinnice

kemptcustomers.”

“Yes,welikecateringtoourupscaleclientele.”
Mydadsays,“Sobusinessisgood?”
“Solid.Imightneedtohireafewmorebartendersinthenewyear.I’malsoconsideringbringing

onsomewaitstaff.”Itakeasipandsettheglassdownandspinitbythestembetweenmyfingers.
“RememberEddie?Ijustgavehimapromotiontohelpmanagetheplace.I’mgoingtostartfocusing
moreontheoveralloperations.”

Mymomsmiles.“YouhopedwhenyouleftNewYorkfinanceyouwouldnotworkasmuch,but

hereyouareworkingmoreIsuspect.”

“Thistimeit’sforme—solelyandgoodformysoul.”

Sheasks,“Speakingofsouls,youmentionedatthefundraiserthatyoumighthavemetsomeone?

Howisthatgoing?”

“IfIremembercorrectly,ItoldyouIdidn’t.”
“DoyoureallythinkIdon’tknowyourtells.I’veknownthemsinceyouwerethree,Hardy.You

couldn’thidebehindaliethenandyoucan’tnow,sotellussowedon’thavetoworryaboutyou.”

“Youdon’thavetoworryaboutme.I’mgood.”
“Happy?”
“I’mhappy.”Medium.Herlipspurse.“Fine.Mostly.”
“Whoisshe?”Dadasks.Leomakesaround,toppingoffourglasses.
“It’scomplicated.Idon’twantyougettinginvestedwhenwe’renotmeanttobe.”
“Wecareaboutyouandifyoucareabouther,thenwe’reinvestedalready,”mymomsays.
“That’ssopressuring,Mom.Don’tyousee?”
Mydadleanshiselbowsonthetable.“YouknowwhatIsee,Son?”
Sittingback,Icrossmyarmsovermychest.Icantellthisisn’tgoingtobeasquickasIthought.

“What?”

Hesays,“Youandyoursisterhavebeensobusywithyourcareersthatneitherofyouhaveevena

secondinyourdaytospareforthestuffthatmattersattheendofit.”

“I—”
Hishandsgoup.“No,Hardy.Iwantyoutolistentoyourmotherandme.”
Idropmyreactionsandrelax,willingtohearthemout.Hecontinues,“Iworkedhardforthirty-

fiveyearsandwhatdidthatgetme?”

“AfivebedroomcolonialinNewCanaanandaretirementthatyouandMomcanactuallysurvive

offandlivenicely.”

“Yes,itdid,butit’sthiswomannexttome,”hesays,takingmymom’shand,“thatreallymadeit

allworthit.Shegavemepurpose.”

“Ihavepurpose,Dad.Ilikemylife.”
Mymomleansin.“Whatyourfatheristryingtotellyouiswewanttosellthehouseandtravelthe

worldatourleisurewithouttheheavytiesofamortgage.Doyouunderstandwhatthatmeans?”

“No.”
“Itmeanswecan’tdothatbecauseourchildrenareunsettledintheirlives.”
“SabrinaandIarefine.She’sgotanamazingjoboverseasandIhavethebarandmylifehere.

Don’tletusholdyoubackfromdoingwhatyouwanttodo.”

“You’renotunderstanding.Ifsomethinghappenstous,wedon’twantyoutobealone.I’veread

aboutTheHideaway.Youhavewonderfulreviews,butthere’smention,morethanonce,ofa...”She
lowershervoicetoamouse’swhisper,“Sexualundercurrent.”

“OhGod,pleasedon’teversayanythinglikethatagain.Gross.”
“Stopbeingridiculous.We’realladultshere.Sexisanaturalpartoflivingafulllife.”
“Mommm.No.Stop.”ShelaughsandIthinkIcatchmydadslidinghishandupanddownherthigh.

Ew.Istand.“Look.I’mgoingtobeveryfrankwithyou.Thereisagirl,awomanactually,thatIam
interestedin.She’sbeautiful,andtasteslikevanillaicecreamonahotAugustday.Shecarriesthe
colorofthechangingleavesattheendofsummerinhereyes.Andwithoutadoubt,whatIwanttodo
toherperfectmouthisprobablyillegalinmoststates.”Thesinsshemakesmewanttocommitmake
mydickache.

“Virginia’sbeautyismorethanskindeep.”Deep.God,Iwanttofuckhersobad.“She’skindand

thoughtful.Spirited,andwhenshelooksatme,sheseesthepersonIwanttobe,thepersonshe
believesIcanbe,anddamndoIwanttobethatguyforher.”

Ididn’tplanonbreakingoutintosomelovesicksoliloquy,buthereIam,standinginanemptybar

pouringoutallthosecrampedemotionsI’vebeenpocketingontoatableinfrontofmyparentsand
Leo.WhenIlookup,CliveandEddiearestandingnearthebackdoorwithboxesofscotchintheir
arms.LeostartsaslowclapandsoonthescotchissetdownandI’mgettingtheworstofgolfclap
ovations.Whenmyparentsstandandjoinin,theapplausebuilds.

Flippingeveryoneoff,Ilaugh.“Ireallyhateyouguys.”Idon’tandtheyknowit,butIhatethis

shinyhappyshit.Kindof.Sortof.OnlywhenI’matthecenterofit.

Mymomcomesaroundthetable,andsays,“BringVirginiaoverfordinnersometime.We’dlove

tomeether.”

Mydadclapsmeontheback,andsays,“Orbetteryet,kissherandsealthatdealonNewYear ’s.

Youknowwhattheysayaboutthatholiday.Whateveryou’redoingatmidnightonNewYear ’sEve,is
whatyou’llbedoingallyearlong.”

Ifthat’sthecase,IcanthinkofamillionotherthingsotherthankissingI’dliketobedoingwith

heratmidnight.Ortoher.Orinher.Orhertome.Ortogether.Ithinkthat’swhathemeans.Be
together.#MFEOandallthatjunk.

Ifollowmyparentsastheyheadforthedoor.I’mthinkingthey’vehadenoughofouranticsto

holdthemoverforquitesometime.“Thanksforcomingtoseeme.Iactuallyfeelbetter,more
determinedtomakethisthingwithVirginialesscomplicatedandmoresimple.”

“Whenit’sright,it’seasy.”Shehugsmeatthedoor.“I’veneverseenyouwiththatlookoflovein

youreyesbefore.Itlooksgoodonyou.”

I’mnotoneforblushing,buttheembarrassmentIfeelmakesmyfacefeelhot.“Thanks,Mom.”
“You’rewelcome.Nowgogetthegirl.”HerhandsgoupinasilentcheerjustlikeshedidwhenI

wastenandwontheregionalspellingbee.Imightbeshakingmyhead,butmymomisthebest.

Mydadadds,“Andtrykissingfirst.Thattendstowinalady’sheart.Savetheillegalstuffforthe

bedroom.”Hegivesmethatbuddy-buddywink.“Butifyoudogetyourselfinaspotoftrouble,call
meandI’llbailyouout.”

“YouknowIdidn’treallymeanIwoulddosomethingtoherthatwouldgetmearrested,right?”

Unlessshewantsmeto,andthenwhoamItodenyherneedsandwants.Buttobeonthesafeside,I
shouldprobablylookintowhere“fuckingone’smouth”fallslegallyinthestateofNewYork.Ifitis
illegal,itwouldn’tbethefirsttimeI’vecommittedthecrimewithher,butit’shardtosaynowhen—
WhatthefucktangenthaveIgoneoffon?

Aftersayinggoodbyetothem,Iturnandseetheguysstillstandingaroundwatchingmeturninto

afullonunstoppabletrainwreck.“Getbacktoworkandnever,Imeannever,mentionanyofthis
again.”

Cliveistoobusylaughing.Leoissuddenlysuperbusyscrubbingaspotonthebartop,butIsee

thatdamnmockinggrin.Eddiesalutesme,andsays,“Yougotit,boss.”Hesetshisboxonatable,and
adds,“Butjustsoyouknow,theguysandIhavediscussedthematterandweapprove.”

“Approveofwhat?”
“Virginia.Shemeetsallthemagicalunicorncriteria:sexyasallgetout,intelligent,andshe’s

reallynice.”

IwanttohidefromtheteasingI’veendured,buthe’sright.Sheissexyandsmart,butit’sthatlast

partthatmattersmost.“Sheisnice.”

“Really,”startsClive,“she’stoogoodforyou,soifshe’sgivingyouashot,youshouldtakeit.”
“Fuckyouverymuch,Clive.”
“Noproblem.We’reheretokeepyouregoincheck.”
“You’redoingasolidjob.”
“That’swhywe’repaidthebigbucks,”Eddiejokes.
“You’repaidthebigbucksforyourprettyboyfacesthatbringintheprettybills.”

Welaugh.It’sgoodtojokewiththeguys.We’remorethanco-workers.We’refriends.Icancount

onanyofthemifIwaseverinabind,andtheyknowtheycancountonme.Walkinginfromtheback,
Romeotugshisbeanieoffandasks,“What’dImiss?”“Ourfearlessleaderisinlove,”Leoasserts.

Romeonods,anotherannoyinggrinisonhisfaceasifhestoletheotherfella’s.“Itwasonlya

matteroftimebeforeherealizedit.Nowthatyouhave,Hardy,timetolockthatgirldown.Andifyou
don’t,I’msureoneofuswillbemorethanhappyto.”

“She’dnevergoforoneofyoujackoffs.LikeEddiesaid,she’ssmart.”Iheadfortheoffice.“The

show’sover.Mylifeisbackofflimits.Gettoworkandlet’skicktonight’sass.”

CHAPTERTWENTY

ydickhasbecomehardlikeadeadloginwinter.Ijusthopeitwon’tbreak.Bythepaininmy
pants,I’mnotsosureitwon’t.Ihaven’tgonethislongwithouthavingactualsexsinceIwasin

highschool.Fine,college.Iliketoaggrandizemymemoriesfrombackthen.LikeVirginia,Iwent
throughanawkwardstage.Okay,notasawkwardasher,butnowIlookatherphotofromhigh
schoolandIseethebeautifulwomanshe’sturnedinto.Idon’tevenhavetostretchtheimagination.
Thatmuch.She’sthereunderthosebraces,glasses,andstringyhair.IfIhadknownherthen,Iwould
havehitonher.

Seriously,Iwouldhave.She’sthesameperson.
Idon’twanttopummelVourfirsttimetogether.Findingbalancemeansonetoomanyhandjobs

inthemeantime.We’vebarelytexted,bothofusmorebusywithworkthanwe’dlikeastheyearstarts
comingtoaclose.She’sbeenworkinglatemostnightsandI’mworkingeverynightthisweeksoI
cangetSaturdayoff.It’sbeenagooddistraction.

Youknowwhat’snot?
IsabellaCollins.
AndhereIthoughtitwouldbejustanotherThursdaynight.Isenseherthesecondsheandthe

stormthatswarmsaroundherenterTheHideaway.Checkingmywatch.9:37p.m.There’ssomething
aboutherbeinghereatthishouronaschoolnightthattellsmetroublejustwalkedin.

Hereyesareonmethemomentshewalksin,whichsucksbecauseshecatchesmyeyesonher.I

lookdownquickly,pretendingtowashglasses.SheknowsmebetterthanI’dliketoadmit,thoughto
mycredit,sheonlyreallyknowstheoldme—assholeinvestmentadvisor,modernloftwithmassive
parties,andtwothousanddollarsuits.Wellthesuitshaven’tchanged.Istilllikeanicesuitandmy
watchcollection,butIdon’thavetowearthemeveryday.OnlywhenIwant.WonderifIshouldwear
mycharcoalVittorionourdate.DateisusedlooselysinceVirginiafriend-zonedmelastweekend.
AfterSaturday,I’mgoingtobedancinginherendzone.Wait,what?

“Hello,Hardy.”
Lookingup,IseeIsabella.I’dalmostforgottenabouther.Almost.“Slumming,Isabella?”
“You’realwaysravingaboutBrooklyn,soIthoughtI’dcomevisit.”
Irestmypalmsonthebar,andask,“Areyouvisitingtheboroughorme?”
“Can’tIbedoingboth?”
“Youwerealwaysoneforulteriormotives.”
Sheslipsontothestoolinfrontofme.“YouknowwhatIlike.”
Ido.She’spredictableineveryway.Inotherwords,she’sthecompleteoppositeofVirginia.

Whilemakinghervodkasoda,IstarttryingtorememberwhatattractedmetoIsabellainthefirst
place.It’sbeenawhilesinceI’vethoughtbacktothosedaysindetail.Mostlybecausesomuchofit

wasblurredbythebooze.It’sfunnythatnowthatIownabar,Idrinklessoverall.MostdaysIdon’t
drinkatall.Tonight,thankstothewomansittinginfrontofme,won’tbeoneofthosedays.Itwistthe
limeintothedrinkandaddalimepeelcurlyonthetop.Istillhavestandards,evenifIdespisethe
customer.Igrabaglassandpourawhiskeyneatformyself.Itakeagoodpullbeforesettingitdown,
andasking,“Whatreallybringsyouby?”

“You.”
“Iwasafraidofthat.”
“Nothingtobeafraidof.I’vejustbeenthinkingaboutyou.”
Thebarisfairlycalmatthistime,soClivehasithandled.WhenIturnbacktoher,Isay,“Don’t.

Don’tthinkaboutme.You’remarried.We’vebeenlongover.”

Herindexfingerrunstherimofherglassseveraltimes.“Whatifwedidn’thavetobe?”
“Idon’tdatemarriedwomen.”Igivethemostobviousouttoendthis.
“WhatifIwasn’tmarriedanymore?”
ItakeanotherlongdrinkofthealcoholbeforeIburstoutlaughing.Theinsultisseeninhereyes

sincemostofherfacedoesn’tmove.“IwishIcouldsayIwassurprised.”

“Maybesomesympathyisinorder.”
“Whatgameareyoutryingtoplay?Wedidnothingbutfight.”
“Wewereyoung.”
“We’renotthatmucholder.Fouryears.”
“IfeellikeI’velivedalifetimeinthatfouryears.”Shetakesasipandthensays,“Icaughthim

fuckinghissecretary.”Thistimetheglassistoherlipsmuchlongerandwhentheglassissetdown,
halfisgone.

“I’msorry.”Imeanittoo.Noonedeservestobecheatedonandinsuchaclichémannermakesit

worse.“Areyoustilltogether?”

“No.Ileftamonthago.He’sfightingmeonallfronts—financiallyandforcustodyofourson.I

haven’tgottentoseehiminthreeweeks.”

Myheadisshakingindisgustbeforeshefinishes.Wemaynothavebeen#MFEObutkidsneed

bothparents,evenifseparately.IcoverherhandbecauseI’mnotheartless.Icantellsheneedsa
friendorabartender.Thiscomeswiththeterritory.“YoudeservebetterandIhavenodoubtthefinal
judgmentwillbeinyourfavor.”

Herhandcoversmine.“Thankyou.Iknewyou’dunderstand.”
“Hi.”
Justrightofher,thebrunetteI’vebeendyingtoseeallweekisstandingwithagrimaceonher

face,hereyesonmyhandthat’scurrentlycomfortingIsabella.Islideitoutandwipeitonmypants.
“Hey,V,you’rehere?”ItcomesoutlikeaquestionthoughIdidn’tintenditthatway.

“Myapologies.DidIinterrupt?”VirginialooksatIsabellabeforehergazereturnstome.
I’mabouttospeak,butIsabellabeatsmetoit,“Yes.”
“No,”Icorrect.“No,youdidn’t.”Ihurryfrombehindthebarandcomearoundtothefront.

TakingVirginia’sglovecoveredhand,Inodtowardtheback.“Wanttotalkinprivate?”

Istarttowalk,butherfeetstayfirmlyplantedtothespot.“Doweneedtotalkinprivate,Hardy?”
“What?No,Iwasonlyofferingsinceyoujustgothere.”I’mbabblinglikeaguiltyfuckingfool.

Shit.Ineedtofixthis.“It’sgoodtoseeyou.”Ileanforwardtokissheronthecheekbutshebacksout
ofreach.Shit.Shit.Shit.

ShesitsdownonthestoolnexttoIsabellaandIdon’tlikethelooksofthisatall.UntilIremember

thatwearefriends.Onlyfriends,accordingtoher.Andsinceshe’sallabouttheassholestill,Idon’t
oweheranything.Nothingbutadrink,andafuckonSaturday,butthat’sbesidethecurrentpointI’m
tryingtomake.IstarttomakeaPalomaanddumpiceinthetallglass,butshesays,“I’llhavewhat

she’shaving.”

Shit.She’smad.
Fortunatelytheyusethesameglass.IstartpouringvodkathatIpersonallylikeandgiveheralittle

extra.It’snotlikeshe’sdrivinghomeoranything.WhileI’mcocktailconcocting,Isabellaturnsto
Virginia,who’stakinghercoatandglovesoff,andsays,“Hello.I’mIsabellaTreatonofConnecticut.”

Maidenname.Sheusedhermaidenname.IthinkthetroubleImentionedwalkinginbeforehas

justbecomeaquicksandtrap.I’mnotfallingforit.

“We’vemetbefore.WhenIwasoutwithHardyatarestaurantinthecity.I’mVirginiaRyanof

Manhattan.”

HowshesaysthatwithastraightfaceisbeyondmebutI’mgoingtogiveherextraspecialsexual

loveonSaturdayfordoingit.Isabella’sgazeheadtotoesher,andthensays,“Manhattan.Huh?I
wouldhavesurelythoughtoneoftheouterboroughs.”

Ohshit.
JustwhenVirginiaisabouttoroar,Isay,“Didyouknowthathipposaretoodensetoreallybe

buoyanttoswimsotheyareconsideredsemi-aquaticanimalswhojogorrunuptofifteenmilesan
hourunderwater?”

Bothwomenarestaringatme,andmymindgoesblankundertheharshglares.Virginiafinally

says,“LowryaskedmeifIwouldbeattheholidayparty.”

Igrabmyglassanddowntherestofthewhiskey.WhenIslamitdownonthebarmat,Ishakemy

head.IthoughtIwasatalossforwordsbefore,butnowIhaveplentyI’dliketosay,butseeingasthis
ismyestablishment,itwouldbeunprofessionaltousethemhereandnow.“Andwhatdidyousay?”

“Isaidwithbellson.”
Myneckistight,soIbendittothesidetostretchitoutbeforegrabbingthewhiskeyandpouring

anotherdrink.“Maybeyoushouldwearred.”

“Ihavetheperfectdress.”
“Ijustbetthefuckyoudo.”
Isabellasays,“Hardy.”WhenIleavethefierygreeneyesthataremakingmybloodboil,I’mmet

withbluesofnovariation,nodepth,anddon’tholdmyinterest.“Thatwasrude.”

“I’msorryIdon’tliveuptoyourstandards.You’rewelcometoseeyourselfout.”
Shelookstakenabackandhurt.“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingon,butit’snotlikeyoutoberudelike

this.”

“Whatdoyouknowaboutme?Nothing.You’retryingtorekindleaflamethatI’mtryingtoblow

outforgood.Don’tyougetit,Isabella?Weweredonelongbeforewebrokeup.SoIdon—”

Sheburstsintotearsbeforemyveryeyes.Whoa!
I’veneverseenhercry.NotevenwhenIbrokeupwithher.Andshe’ssobbing.Virginiawrapsher

armaroundher,andsays,“Comewithmetothebathroom.We’llgetyousometissues.”

NowIburstout,butnotintotears.“Whatthefuckisgoingon?No.Youcan’tdothat.”
“Whatiswrongwithyou?”Virginia’svoiceishard,notfamiliartomeatall.Thewayshe’s

lookingatmemakesmereelback.Me?She’sscoldingme?

“Isthisrhetorical?”IaskbecauseI’mtrulyunsureifshewantsmetoanswerornot.
“You’rebeinganass,Hardy.”
“Youwouldknowsincethat’swhatyoulike.”
“Screwyou.”ShewalksawaywithIsabella.
AndifI’mnottotallymistaken,whenIsabellalooksback,Iseethatwickedevilgrinofhers

hiddenbeneathherfakesobs.

“Fuckme,”Isay,turningaway.
Clivesays,“Manthatwastoughtowatch.Idon’tthinkI’veeverseenanyoneactuallylandand

thengetburned,butyoumanagedtodojustthat.Ithoughtyouwereintheclear,andthenbam!”

“Okay.Igetit.I’mfucked.”
“SevenwaystoSunday,myfriend.”
IdecideIneedtomakeamendswithVirginiaandgetIsabellaoutofmylifeforgood.Thiswhole

scenariowithherisfeelingalittletooreminiscentofourlifetogether.Itossthetowelonthecounter
andheadforthebathroom.

Mypoorlambwasunknowinglyledtotheslaughter.Virginiacomesoutofthebathroomwith

Isabellabehindher.Nowit’sV’stearsthatshineunderthelights.Irushtoher,butshepushesme
away.“Whathappened?”

“Youknow.”
“No,Idon’t.”
“Don’tplayinnocent,Hardy.Ifthere’sonethingIknowaboutyou,it’sthatyouwerenever

innocent.”Shestartsforthedoor,butItakeherarm.

“Wait.”
“No,”shesaysandyanksherarmfree.“AndaboutSaturday.”
“Whataboutit?”
SheglancestoIsabellawhohasstoppedthedramaticslongenoughtoenjoytheentertainment.

“ShetoldmewhatyousaidtoherbeforeIwalkedin.Iknowyouweregoingtotakehertoyour
office.”

“Chooseyournextwordscarefully,V.”
“Idon’thavetobecareful.Thetruthspeaksforitself.”Sheputsherjacketonandthrowsthe

glovesatmyface.“Lowryaskedmeoutformybirthday.ItoldhimIhadplansalready,butIthink
I’vechangedmymind.”Onelastlook.Onelasthatefilledlookisgivenbeforeshesays,“Goodbye,
Hardy.”

Icouldarguewithherallday,butwe’llgetnowherewithsomuchangerbetweenus.SoIturn

minetothewomanwhodeservesit.

Isabellashrugsherpointedshoulders.“Shehasnostrengthortrust.Aweakwomancouldnever

standbyyourside.”

“Whatdidyoutellher?”
“Nothingthatyoudon’tdoanyothernightoftheweek.”
“Thatwoman,”Isay,sighingasmyheartbleedsthroughmychestwhileshatteringinside.“She’s

theonlyoneIcareaboutandyoudestroyedthat.Youdestroyedthegoodnessthatshehadinsideher.”

“Hardy,wecouldbesogoodtogetheragain.”
Myemotionsgonumb,myheartbeatsdull.Mygazehitsher,anddisgustreturns.“Getthefuckout

ofmybar,andstayoutofmyfuckinglife.”

“Youdon’tmeanthat.”
“I’mdone.”WithIsabella.Withlove.Witheverything.
Iwalkaway,leavingtheblondebehindmejustwheresheshouldhavealwaysstayed—inmypast.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

tandingatthewindowofmyapartment,Istareout.Ican’tseebeyondtwofeet.Thesnowisdense.
Theweathermanhascalleditablizzardandtoldhisviewerstohunkerdown.Butthere’sno

hunkeringtobedone.TheweatheroutsidematchesthestormraginginsidemesinceVirginiawalked
outofthebar.

It’sherbirthdayandI’mstuckinsideduringthesnowpocalypse.Thebarisclosedlikealmost

everythingelseinBrooklyn.IhaveafeelingManhattanisevenworse.That’sleftmewithnothingto
dobutrelatetothebadconditions.Feelingsorryformyselfhasbecomemyspecialtyoverthelast
fortyhours.NotthatI’mcounting.I’vedoneeverythingtogetaholdofherandshe’sjustnothaving
anyofit.

Texted.
Called.
Email.
Pigeoncarrier.
Okay,nopigeonswereharmedintheprocessofgettingaholdofVirginia.Norweretheyusedin

anyway,butifyouknowofanyfanciers,letmeknow.Askingforafriend.

Betyoudidn’tknowabirdhandlerwascalledafancier.WellneitherdidI,butconsideringhow

muchtimeI’vespentaloneinthisapartmentthelast—lookingdownatmywatch—fortyandahalf
hours,Googlehasbecomemyfriend.

Sittingdownonmyrollingdeskchair,Icruisebacktothewindowandkickmyfeetuponthesill.

Isabellasuredidanumberonmylife.Likeatornado,shecame.Shedestroyedeverythinginherpath,
andthenfizzledbackout.NowI’mleftwithabigdisastrousmesstocleanupandIhaveabsolutelyno
ideawheretostart.

Tworotationsonmychairlater,Isitupandpullmyphonefrompocket.I’mgoingtotryone

moretime.Ifshedoesn’tanswerIwon’tbeabletoavoidhernotsosubtlehintsanymore.Ifshe
doesn’tanswerthistime,it’stimetomoveonwithouther.Itringsthreetimesbeforeitgoesto
voicemail,myheartsinkingevenlower.IhearthemessagethatI’vebecometoofamiliarwith,“Hi,
thisisVirginia.SorryImissedyourcall.Leaveamessageafterthebeeporifwe’refriendsor
family,textmeinsteadbecauseIhatecheckingvoicemessages.”Shelaughsatherownjoke,andI
smilebecauseImisshearingit.“Takecare.Bye.”

Thebeepisheard,andIstallbecauseIwanttolaymyheartonthelinelikeIdidformyparents

theotherday,butshe’snoteventextingme,muchlesstalkingtome.“Happybirthday,Virginia.”I’m
notsurewhatelsetosayandI’msurewhileI’mhavingthismassivedebate,it’sgettingcreepierto
listentothesilenceasitspreads,soIjustsay,“Imissyou.”

Ihangupandsetthephonedown.ItringsandIjump,answeringasfastasmyheartraces.“Hey.”

“Arewestayingclosedtonight?”
NotthevoiceIwashopingtohear.Romeo.“Yeah.It’snotsafeforpeopletobeout.Idon’twantto

encourageit.”

“Allright,”hesays,andIcantellhehasasmileonhisface.“I’lljuststayinbedtherestofthe

day.”IthinkIhearkissingnoises.

Fuckmylife.“We’reopenthedayafterChristmas.”
“Cool.”
“Don’tbelate.Bye.”IdisconnectthecallasquicklyasIcanbeforeI’mstucklisteningtohimhave

sexwithwhomeverhe’swith.

Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Man,doImissit.WhydidIstopdoingit?It’snotlikeIdidn’thaveatonofoffersoverthelast

threeorfourweeks.Virginiadidn’tstopcrushing,asshecallsit,onthatassholelawyer,sowhydidI
stophookingup?Missedopportunities.Somelost,somearelikeabartabthewomenleaveopen,
hopingIwillfinallysayyes.

Maybethat’swhatIneed.Ineedtosayyes.I’mdamnmoodythesedaysandthat’sprobablynot

helping.Iknowmyhandisn’t.RightytakestheedgeoffofBigRichard,buthe’snevertrulysatisfied
likeheisaftergoodhardfuck.Pickingmyphoneupagain,Iscrollthroughsomenumbers.It’s
snowinghard.Everyoneishomebecausethecityhascloseddown.I’vegotmypickofthepretty
kittiestonight,sowhomshouldIchoose?

***Thereneverwasachoice.AsmuchasIdon’tlikeliars,Ihadbecomeoneofthebest.WhenI

finallystartedtellingmyselfthetruth,therewasnowhereelseIcouldgo.

Trudgingthroughthesnow,theblizzardblindingmywayatsomepoints,Iwouldbetherefor

Virginia.Friend,foe,lover,despitethesnow,Iwouldgo.Icouldn’tresisttherhyme,butatleastithas
reason.BeingcoldlikethismakesyouloopysoIwasrecitingrhymesandthepresidentsagain,but
thistime,nottokeepmydickdown.Thefreezingtemperaturesweredoingagoodjobofthat,butto
keepmymindsharp.

Notaxis.
Nobuses.
Nosubways.
Nobikes.
Nopedicabs.
Nothing.Nothingbutapairofsnowbootswiththreepairsofsocksunderneath,thosetootighton

thethreeamigosdownbelow,longjohns,jeans,andwaterproofjoggingpants.Ihadsomanyshirts
on,acollegesweatshirt,andmycoatthatIlookedliketheStayPuftMarshmallowMan.Thescarf,
hat,gloves,andearmuffsjustaddedtothesexyIwasn’tpullingoffatall.Butthisisn’taboutlooksor
sex,butIseehowyoumighthavethoughtthatthiswholetime.Nope,itwasn’taboutthosethingsat
all.They’reshallowpursuitsandsomethingIpursuedoften—PMV.

Afterthreehours,I’mfinallystandingintwofeetofunplowedsnowinLowerManhattansolidin

theconvictionthattheonlythingIwanttopursueisVirginiaRyan.Continuingmyjourneytoher
Mecca,Iseeabeaconofhopeupahead.MypacepicksupandwhenIapproachIlookinthroughthe
window.It’snotamirage.It’sreal.Andit’sopen.Coffffeeeeeeeeeeeeee.Getinmybellyandwarmmy
bones.There’salinebecauseapparentlyNewYorkhasalotofotherdumbasseslikemewho
disregardweatherwarningsandstillventureout.Butmaybethey’retryingtoworktheirwaytothe
womenoftheirdreamstoo.Fine.Itakeitback.They’renotdumbasses.They’rejustinlove.Whichis
kindofsimilarwhenyouthinkaboutittoolong.Ichoosenottoandstepuptoorderacoffeeinstead.

Afterplacingmyorder,Istepofftothesidetocheckemails,texts,andhopingtohaveheardfrom

her.Ihaven’t.She’sofffuckingtheasshole,givingupsomethingsheusedtovalueallbecauseImade
herfeelcheap.Yup,me.NotIsabella.Shewasacatalysttothecatastrophe,butitcomesdowntome.I
didn’ttellVirginiahowIfelt.Ididn’ttellherthatIdon’twanttobewithanyoneelse.Ididn’ttellherI
stoppedfuckingaroundthenightIstartedfuckingaroundwithher.Ididn’ttellhertobewithme
insteadofLowry.

AndIshouldhave.
Notbecauseshe’sachickandchicksneedtohearit,butbecauseit’sthetruth.Mytruthandthat

holdsmorecoffeethanthissixteen-ouncecup.ItakethebagwiththetreatIboughtandheadbackout
intothesnow.

FourmoreblocksandIfinallymakeittoherbuilding.Barryopensthedoor,tipshiscap,and

says,“Didyoubravetheelementsalone?”

“Fortoolong,”Ireplynotreferringtotheweather.“I’mhopingtochangethat.”Istepinsidethe

lobby.Thelightsaredimmerthanusual,lettingtheholidaylightsonthetreeandaroundthedesk
shinebrighter.

Steppingbehindthetallcounter,hisgazegoesdown,hiseyeslookinganywherebutatme.“Ms.

Ryanisn’thererightnow.”

There’sthissickness,thisballthatgrowswhenIthinkaboutVirginiaandtheassholetogether.I

knowshecancelledwithmesayingshewasgoingtomeethim,butthatstupidlittleemotionnamed
hopehasstayedthecoursewithme,hangingoutinthemostunlikelyofplaces—myheart—sinceshe
walkedout.Idon’tknow.MaybeIwasnaïvetothinkshewouldn’tgothroughwithit.Shedoesn’towe
meanything.Notherheart,norhervirginity.Butdamnit,thatdoesn’tmeanIdidn’twantboth.I’ma
guyforfuck’ssake.

ButifIcan’thavethelatter,IwanttheformerandI’lltakeitwithouthesitation.Herheart’swhat

matters.Ican’tgivehertheothersoifshegoesthroughwithitwiththeasshole,I’llstillbeherejust
likeIpromised.

Restingmyhandsonthecounter,Iask,“DoyoumindifIwait?”
“Notatall,Mr.Richard.”
“Hardy.”
“Hardy,”herepeatswithatightexpressionthatshowsmeheknowswhat’sup.“Bourbon?”
“What?”
Heholdsupaflask.“Ifyou’dlike,I’vegotsomethingthatmighttaketheedgeoff.”
“Icouldusesomethingtowarmmeup.”
“Edge,notthechill,butitwilldoagoodjobofboth.”
“Thatobvious,huh?”
“Thatandthatyou’rehereinthemiddleofablizzardandshe’soutthere.Missedconnections.”He

handsmetheflask.

Itakeashot.It’sthecheapshit,butI’lltakeit.Afteronemoregulp,Igiveitback.Hefollowswith

ashotofhisown.Istarttosay,“IthinkI’minlov—”

Hishandsgoup.“Sorry,Hardy.I’madoorman,notabartender.Saveyourtroublesforsomeone

whocangiveyougoodadvice.”

“I’mabartender.”
Nodding,helaughs.“You’rescrewedthen.Ifyoudon’thavetheanswers,therestofusare

screwedtoo.”

“Imakecocktails.”Ileanagainstthecounter.“Idon’tsolvetheworldsproblems.”
“Seemsyoucan’tsolveyourowneither.”
“Givemethatflask.”

Hepullsitbackoutfromunderthedeskandhandsittome.WhileIdrink,hesays,“I’mtwice

divorcedandjustgotdumpedlastweek.I’mnotsokeenonthelovestoryanymore.”

Puttingthecaponthesteelbottle,Igiveitbackandthentakemyglovesoff.“Ineverwasandthen

...itjustkindofhitme.”

“Blindsided,”headds,nodding.
“Yeah,likeatackletotheheart.”
“Butmoreviolent.”
Ichuckle.“Guesswe’llseeonthatone.ButI’mhere.”
“Inasnowstormnoless.”
“Readytoseeifweevenhaveastory.”
“It’snotaboutthestory,thehows,whys,orwheres.It’sabouttheending.Thisisyourchanceto

writetheendingyouwant.”

He’sright.Likethebourbon,he’shittingmerightinthefeels.
***Barry’sdrunk.He’sbeenonthephoneforthelastforty-fiveminuteswithhisgirlfriend.At

onepointhetoldher,“Idon’twantcaviar.I’mhappywithfishsticks...No,notthatyou’refish
sticks.Ididn’tmeanthat.ImeantIloveyou.Let’sgotoAtlanticCityforNewYear ’sandget
married.”

He’sgoneanddoneitnow.Scrubbingmyhandsovermyface,Istand.It’saftereight.Thesun

nevercameoutandthepitchblackofasunshine-lessworldsettledin.Itrynottothinkit’sanomen,
butVirginia’sstillnothome.Thatlittledoorstopperofhopethatwasholdingmyheartwideopenfor
herhasbeguntoslideclosed.

Pickingupmyscarf,Iwrapitaroundmyneckandsliponmycoat.Iputmyglovesonandwalkto

thedesk.“IguessI’mgonnago.”

Hesaysintothephone,“Letmecallyouback,Dolores...Iwill.Rightback.Iloveyoutoo.”

Whenhehangsup,hecomesaroundandstandsatthedoor.Noonehascomeorgoneforhours,
muchtohisdelightandthedetrimentofmyideaofthisgreatreunion.Heturnstome.Hiseyesare
glazed,hishatleftbackatthedesk.Histopbuttonisopenandhisglovesareoff.“Youcan’tgetfarin
thisweather,atnight.”

“I’llgetahotelthenextblockover.”
Webothstandthere,staringthroughtheglass.Thereseemstobeasmallbreakinthesnowfall,so

Itaketheopportunitytoleave.“WillyoutellherIstoppedbyandgivethistoher?”

Hetakesthebagfromme.“Iwill.”
Pattinghimontheback,Isay,“Congratsontheengagement,andthanksforthebourbon.”
“You’rewelcome,Hardy.Happyholidays.”
Ipullonmyhat,andwhenheopensthedoor,Iwalkbackintothecold,darknight.“Happy

holidays.”

ThedoorisclosedandIheadbackthewayIcame.There’snotrafficandfewerpeopleout,but

it’speacefulevenifmyheartisinturmoil.Ilowermyheadwhenthesnowstartsupagain.Crossing
thestreet,Ikeepwalking,thinkingaboutwhatI’mgoingtoorderfromroomservice.I’mstarving
afterthetrekI’vedone—mybodyphysicallyexhaustedandmymindemotionallytired.Atthecorner,
Itrytodecidewhichwaytogototheclosesthotel.

“Hardy?”
Lookingup,standingnoteventenfeetawayisthemostbeautifulwomanI’veeverlaideyeson.

Myheartstartstopound,tryingtoreachher.“Virginia.”

Shestandsthere,andwitheachtentativestepItake,herfacecomesintofocus.Blacklinesstreak

herface,wethairstickingtoherforehead.She’sgotnohatandnogloves.She’sgotnosweetpinkto
hercheeksthatI’vealwaysloved.Butshecarriessomethingstrongerinhereyes,something

devastating,somethingthatstopsthepoundinginmychest,andshattersmyheart.WhenIreachher,
shestartstocry,andsays,“I’msosorry.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

onceknewthisgirl.

Pretty.Soprettyithurtsometimes.

Smart.Whipsmartandclever.Shealwayskeptmeonmybantertoes.
Shywiththeworld,butboldwithme.
Itwasn’tthatlongagothatImether,onlyamonthorso,butlongenoughtoknow.Thisisnotthat

samegirlbeforeme.

IclosethegapandwrapmyarmsaroundherastightasIcan.Herjawischatteringandshe’s

freezingcold.Herbodyiswrackedwithsobsasifshe’sheldinalifetimeofpain.“Weneedtoget
youinside.”

WhenIstarttoturn,shefranticallygrabsformyarms.“Hardy,I’msosorry.I’msorry.”
Holdinginmyownlifetimeofchaoticemotionsthat’sbuiltupsincethedayImether,Irunmy

thumbsoverhercheeks,wantingtheblackgonefromhersweetface.ThenIreachintomypocketand
pullouthergloves.Ithoughtshe’dbehappytohavethembutsheburstsintotearsagain.“Whyare
yousonice?”sheasks,hertonetingeingonanger.“Idon’tdeserveit.”

SheslipstheglovesonandItakemybeanieoffandpullitdownontopofherhead,makingsure

tocoverherears.“Let’stalkaboutthatwhenwe’reinside.You’llbesickifwestayoutheremuch
longer.”Sheconcedeswithanod.Iwrapmyarmaroundherandwewalkbacktoherbuilding.

We’regreetedwithamilewidedrunkensmile.“MerryChristmasEve,Ms.Ryan.Hardy,goodto

seeyoufoundwhatyouwerelookingfor.”

“IttookawhileandImadeafewdetours,butit’sgoodtofinallyreachmydestination.”
Herushesbehindthecountertogetsomething.Whenhereachesusattheelevator,hehandsthem

tous.“Here’satissueforyou,Ms.Ry—”

“Virginia.PleasecallmeVirginia.
Withasmilethatbordersonpermanent,hehandsmethetreatbagfromthecoffeeshop.“Youcan

giveittoheryourselfnow.”

“Thanks,Barry.Iappreciateit.”
“You’rewelcome.MayIsuggestbothofyoustayindoorsandridethisstormout.”
ThisiswhereI’mgoingtoneedawholehelluvalotofcredit.Icouldn’thaveaskedforabetter

setup.ButevenIknowthere’satimeandplaceandthisisn’tthetimeortheplace.

Virginia’seyesmeetmine,andsheasksme,“Willyoustay,throughthestorm?”
Takingherhandinmine,Ileandownandkisshercheek.“Wecanweatherthestormtogether.”

Thedoorstotheelevatoropen,andwestepon.“Goodnight,Barry.”

“Goodnight.”
Shemovescloserandleansherheadonmyarm,ourhandsclaspedtogether.Webothstareatthe

counterasthefloorstickby.EveryswallowisthickandloudandIknowshecanfeelmyheart
beatingunsteady,unsureofwhereweare,andwhat’stocomeforus.

Onherfloorwestillholdhandsuntilwe’reinsideherwarmapartment.Thedoorislockedand

westripofftheheavierlayers.Nooneisbreakingthequietmomentsthatweavebetweenus,bothof
ournervesshowinginourunease.Sheturns,butItakepossessionofherhandagain,andstopher.
“Hey?”

Hereyesfixateonme,thequestionsthere.
“You’recold,”Iadd.“Comewithme.”
Likeme,she’seithertootiredortoocoldtofight,andshefollowswithoutargument.Turningon

theshower,Imakesuretoturnonthehotwater.ShestandsbehindandifIdidn’tknowbetter,Icould
swearhergazesmackedmyassafewtimesassheogledit.Catchingherintheact,Isay,“See
somethingyoulike?”

Shelaughsuntiladarkguiltsettlesintothesoundandwithasigh,shesays,“Idon’tdeserveyou

oryourforgiveness.”

“Sureyoudo.I’maveryforgivingperson.”IleanagainstthewallclosetoherandIhatethatI

needtoknow,butIneedtoknowthefullstoryforwhenI’mtakenintointerrogationoverthemurder
oftheassholeforhurtingher.“Idon’tlikeholdinggrudges.Iliketomoveon,solet’smoveon
together.Getintheshower.ItwillwarmyouupandthentellmewhatIneedtoforgiveyoufor?”

Whenshedoesn’tmove,Iturnmyback.“Iwon’tpeek.”
Ican’thearherclothescomingoff.TwoweeksagoIwouldhavenevergivenherthiscourtesy.

I’mafuckingpervsometimes.Butnow,withallthat’shappened,I’mwillingtogiveherthespaceshe
needsifitmeanswecanwriteadifferentendingtoourstory.

Theshowerdoorisclosed,thefrostedglassprotectingherfrompeepingHardyeyes.Amoanis

heard,andthenshesays,“Thisfeelsamazing.God,IthoughtIwouldfreezeoutthere.”

Flippingthetoiletliddown,Isit.“I’llmakeyousomethingtoeatwhenyougetout.”
“Youknowwhatwouldmakethisevenmoreamazing?”
“What?”ThedoorcracksopenandI’mstartingtorecognizethegirlIknow,theonethatsmilesat

melikeshe’sdoingnow,makingeachheartbeatfeelheavywiththeinsta-lovethehipstertoldme
about.

“Ifyoujoinedme.”
I’mnotsureifsheevenfinishedthesentencebeforemypantshitthefloor.Hereyesgowide.

“Compressionpants?”

“Iweartheminthecold,undermyrealpants.”
“Itotallygetthat.I’mjustimpressedthatevenwhenyou’recompressedlikeasausageinacasing

thatyou’reso...”Shepoints.“Wellendowed.”

“Youhadmeatwellendowed,V.Moveover.I’mcoming.”Mind.Gutter.Yup.It’sthateasyforme

togothere.Climbingoutisawholeothercasethough.Standingnexttohernaked,ifthisis
forgiveness,I’llgiveittoherbythewell-endowedloads.Ew.That’snotwhatImeant.Forgetaboutit.
“In.”

Thespaceinhereisnotasroomyasmine,anotherdownfallofmoderndesign—efficiency.ButI

wanttothankthearchitectpersonallyrightnow.It’snotawkward.Shejusttakesmyhandandpullsme
close,andIlikeclosewithher.Whilethewaterrainsdownonourbodies,shesays,“Youhaven’t
askedbecauseyou’renicelikethat,butfortherecord,I’mstillavirgin.”

Angelsvoicesareheraldedfromtheheavens,“TheRifleRegiment”istrumpetedfromthe

battlefieldsofmyheart,and“BestDayofMyLife”startsplayinginthejukeboxofmyhead.

BeyondBigRichardstandingatfullsalute,wantingherthosewaysthatIforgottolookupfor

legalitypurposes,ItrytoplayoffhowhappyIam.“Ohthat’sabummer.”

“What?”Sheleansbackinsurprise.“You’renothappy?”
“No,Imeant...I’mthrilled,fuckingthrilled,butIdon’tknowifI’mallowedtobehappywithout

itcomingoffthatI’mdamnhappythatImightstillhaveachance.”

Thewarmthofhergazeandthebrightnessofhersmilemeltmeonthespot.Irecognizethatlook.

Iusedtothinkshehadheartsinhereyes,andthatshewasonegoodrollinthehayawayfromfalling
inlove.It’snotwhatIsee,it’sthetorchIcarryforherreflectingbackatme.“Youwantachancewith
me?”

Irunmyhandoverhershoulderandrestitonthecurveofherneck.Thisisit.Thisismyshotof

owningthattruthI’vebeenlivingwithsincewemet,theonethatifshefeelsthesamebecomesthe
heavyweightchampionfornewbestdayofmylife.ThedayIclosedonthebarhasbeenmyreigning
bestforyearsnow.ItgavemethefreedomtobewhoIwantedtobe,tochangethecourseofmylife
forthebetter,andleadmetostandinginthisshowerstallwiththemostbeautifulwomanintheworld,
itdeservesthetitle.Thisismyshottonotjustbehonestwithher,butwithmyself.“I’minlovewith
you,VirginiaRyan.”

Hereyesgowide.“OhmyGod,youare?”
Damn,Ididn’tpredictthatreaction.Steppingaway,mybackhitsthecoldtilewallandIrunmy

handsthroughmyhair.“Umm...yeah,Iwashopingyoufeltthesame.”Ugh.Thisdayjustbeatout
whenIwasfourteenandmysisterfoundoutIhadstolenmygrandmother ’sSuzyChapstickfitness
book.Shesoldmeoutwhenshediscoveredsomeofthepageswerestucktogether.Mymom
pretendeditwasnormaltotalkaboutmasturbationatthedinnertable.Mydadtalkedabouthaironthe
handsandfrostbite,ormaybeitwashowtohandleblueballs.Iforgetnow.ButIwillneverforgetthat
nooneatethehotdogswehadfordinnerandthatitwastheworstdayofmylife.Untilnow.“Thisis
soembarr—”

“No,”shesays,movingagainstmeandteasingmydickwithherincrediblyslickandsinfulbody.

“Idotoo.”IdigmygazeupfromwhereI’djustburiedmyheartatherfeetandlookintohervibrant
greens.“I’minlovewithyoutoo,Hardy.”

Idropanothersilverdollarintomymind’sjukeboxand“BestDayofMyLife”startsbackup.I’ll

beputtingitonpermanentrotationonmyphone,changingmyringtone,andbuyingticketstosee
AmericanAuthorsassoonasIgethome.“Ithoughtyouwereinlovewiththatasshole.”

“Ihadastupidcrushonhim,butIfellinlovewithyou.”Thatsweetpinkisbackandit’snotfrom

thehotwater,butfromme.Yep,thisguy.IevenpoptheP.I’mowningthatshit.Thatsweetpinkis
mine.Allmine,andI’veneverfelthappieraboutbeingpussywhipped.IfitmeansIgettowakeup
nexttoVirginiaeverymorningandgotobedwithhereachnight,I’min.I’mthewhippiestof
whipped.

IcouldsaythisiswhereIliftedherintomyarmsandcarriedhertobed,makingsweetlovetoher

onherbirthday.Youknow,meashergift.I’vebeentoldI’mquitethecatch,afterall.Butthat’s
predictable.SoIkissheronce,thenagain.Andthenherfantastictits,becauseholyJackfucking
DanielsI’mkissingVirginiaRyan’stits.

Butwe’vewaitedthislong,sowesoapupandwashourhair,thenImakehercomesohardthat

Barrycallsuptomakesureshe’sokay.That’salie,butitsoundsmoreimpressivethanshepractically
collapsedinmyarmsfromlosingcontrolofallthetensionshe’dbeencarrying.Hrm...maybethat
doessoundprettydamngoodandsinceit’sthetruth,that’sthestoryI’mstickingwith.

Byeleven,Ihaveherwaitingonthebedwiththelightsout.Ilightthecandleandwalkintothe

bedroomsingingHappyBirthdayreallyfuckingloudly.Isoundterrible,soIhaveatheorythatifyou
singatthetopofyourlungspeoplegiveyouapassonthesoundofyourvoice.

Sittingontheendofthebed,Iholdthecupcakeforward,andsay,“Makeawish,Virginia.”
Sheblowsoutthecandle.“You’rehere.Idon’tneedanythingelse.”

Leaningforward,Ikissher.Herhandscupmyface,shekissesmeagain,andthensays,“Actually,

Idohaveonewish.”

“What’sthat?”
Herrequestismyspecialty.We’vemovedintothemainpartoftheapartmentandshe’ssittingon

theothersideofherbar—toplessbecausethatwasmyendofthedeal.ItwasonlyfairsinceI’m
shirtlessandpantless.Sincewe’redealingwithfire,sheletmewearmyboxerbriefs.Itossthebottle
intotheairandcatchitbehindmyback,whipitaroundandturnthecap,fillingtheglassesquickly.
Onetwist.Two.Whentheorangegarnishesareaddedtothewhiskey,Igetthelighter.“Youready?”

Shenodsexcitedly,hereyeswideassheliftsuptogetagoodview.“It’ssosexyhowyouhandle

thosebottles.”

“WaituntilIhandleyou.”
“I’vewaitedmywholelifeforit.”
“YouknowI’masurething,right?”Iask,remindingheragain.Loweringthelightertothe

drinks,thefruitoillightsjusthowit’ssupposedto.Virginiasquealsindelight,andIpopmy
imaginarycollar.TwoquickpuffsandtheflamesareoutandIhandherdrinktoher.“Tastethe
smokiness.Itmagnifiestheliquor,whichiswhyyoushouldalwaysdrinkthegoodstuff.”

Withhereyesclosed,shesavorsthecocktail.Iusedtothinkcocktailswereaphrodisiacs.They’re

not.Sheis.Fuck,I’mhard.IthinkI’llsavorherallnightlong.

DeanMartinbeginscrooning“I’veGotMyLovetoKeepMeWarm.”Iholdmyhandouttoher.

“Dancewithme.”

ShetakesitandIwalkaround,joiningherinthelivingroom.Pullingherclose,Itrytogetas

muchofherbodyagainstmine.Snowisstillfallingoutside,butinside—it’swarmandcozy.Leading
withonehand,andtheotheronherlowerback,webeginswayingtothemusic.Sheasks,“Willyou
gowithmetotheholidayparty?Wecanpartyhardy.”

“Didyoujustmakeapunny?”
“Idid,”sherepliesproudly.
“WellhowcanIpossiblysaynotothat?”
“Youcan’t.Canyougetatuxonsuchshortnotice?”
“Iownone,soI’mgood.”
Lookingupatme,shesays,“WhydoIfeellikethere’ssomuchmoretolearnaboutyou?”
“Goodthingwehavealifetimeaheadofus.”
“Becareful,Mr.Richard.I’mstartingtoseeheartsinyoureyes.’’
“Idon’twanttobecarefulanymore.Carefullostustime.Idon’twanttoloseanymorewithyou.”
Herforeheaddropstomychestandshesniffles,soIask,“What’swrong,V?”
Shesnifflesagain,andthensays,“You.This.It’sallsoperfect.”Lookingintomyeyes,she

grimaces.“Ilefttonighttospiteyou.”Idon’tsayanything.Icantellsheneedstogetthisoffherchest.
“Iwasgoingtomeethimtohurtyou.”

“Whathappened?”
“IgottwoblocksawayandrealizedIdidn’twanttoseehim.Iwantedtoseeyou.SoIwasgoing

towalktoBrooklyn,butIgotcaughtinthisgustyareaandlostmyhat.AndIdidn’thavegloves
becauseIhadthrownthematyou.Ifoundadineropenandsattherewarmingup.IthinkIhadthree
cupsofcoffee,butreallyIwasthinkingaboutwhatwashappeningbetweenus.”

Wepartandshetakesablanketandwrapsitaroundher.Sittingonthecouch,Iliftmyarm.She

curlsintomyside,andcontinues,“KatieO’Dowdtoldmeyouwerealostcause,thatmanyhadtried
tohook,line,andsinkeryou,butyouweregoingtoremainaforeverbachelor.Youwereso
determinedtosticktothelessonplanthatIthoughtifItoldyouIwasfallingforyouthatyou’dend
thelessonsandwouldn’twanttoseemeanymore.”

“Iwasonlydoingthosedamnlessonstospendmoretimewithyou.”Shesighs,andIsighwith

her.“We’requiteapair.”Irubherarm,andask,“WouldyouhavegonethroughwiththeplanonNew
Year ’sifwehadn’thadthatfight?”

“IfeltsomepressurelikeI’dletyoudownifIdidn’t,butIwouldn’thave.UntilIsabellatoldmeI

hadinterruptedyourtimewithher.ThenIwasdeterminedtogetridofmyvirginitycomehellor
highwaterwithLowry.”

“I’msorryaboutIsabella,thatshesaidthosethingstoyou.It’snottrue.Ihadcomfortedher

becauseshe’sgoingthroughadivorce.Ishouldhaveknownbetter.”

Anglinguptofaceme,shesmiles.“Iknowsomeonewecansetherupwith.”
“Amatchmadeinassholehell?”
“Somethinglikethat.”Herhandsnakesovermyabsandstartsgoinglower.“Bytheway,didyou

sayyesornotoNewYear ’sEve?”

Coveringherhand,thepressurefeelstoogood.Mybreathcomesharsherthroughmynose,andI

say,“Wouldn’tmissitfortheworld.”

“SocanwesayIloveyouanytimewewantnowthatit’soutthereintheuniverse?”
“I’mcountingonit.”Liftingherupandontomylap,Ikissher.Whensheopenshereyes,Isay,“I

loveyou.”

“Iloveyou,too,butIhaveanotherquestion.”
“Askaway.”
“DoIstillgetlessonfour,thefinallesson?”
Flippingherdownonthecouchbeneathme,Isay,“I’llbegivingyouthefinallessonallrightand

thenI’mgoingtotestyouoverandoverandoveragain.”Myhipsmovebetweenherlegs.

Hergiggles,punctuatingthepointI’mtryingtomake,andbypointImeanwegrindtogetheruntil

gigglesturntomoansandI’vegivenherthesecondgiftofthenight.WhatcanIsay?Itriedtobe
humblebutI’manarrogantbastard,thekingoforgasms,andasoftonight,VirginiaRyan’sboyfriend
—mymostdistinguishedtitletodate.

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

tisofficial.

Weareofficial.

Despiteablizzardofepicportions,agirltoostubborntoseewhatwasrightinfrontofher,anda

veryhandsome,somemightevencallhimdebonair,manwhofoolishlybelievedhehadasaywhenit
comestomattersoftheheart,wedidit.Notthat.Unfortunately,wehaven’thadsexyet.Allforgood
reasons,butI’llcomebacktothat.IhappilytradedinmybachelorcardforonelovelyMs.Virginia
Ryan.

Sevendaysago,wemadeanagreementtoputthislessonplanandassholebusinessbehindus.It’s

workedoutwellforme.Theweatherismyfriend,asupporteroflove,andwhatImighthavecursed
thatnight,isnowmyally.Sincethestormgroundedallflights,Virginiawasstuckwithmeon
Christmas.GamepointtoRichard.Herfamilywasdisappointedtheydidn’tgettoseeher,butthey
werethrilledtomeetmeontheirvideocall.Theyhadnochoice.Weweretrappedinherapartment
fortwodays.MatchgoestoRichard.OurChristmasgifttoeachotherwaseasy—Hallmarkmovies,
herchoice.Inbed,mychoice.Naked.Bothofourchoices.

Howwedidn’tsealthedealisbeyondmycomprehension.GamepointtoRyan.I’veneverhadto

waittobewithawoman.I’vealwaysdatedwomenwhoweremorethanhappytoleadthechargeright
intobed.WhatI’vediscoveredisthatIdon’tneedsomeonetoleadthechargeortomakeiteasy.I
needVirginia.MatchgoestoRyan.Ineedsomethingthatwasreal,somethingthatIwantformore
thanafewhoursoffun.Iwantlove.Notforjustafewdays,andwhenIlookoverathersleeping
soundlynexttome,yearscomestomind.Ladiesandgentleman,RyanandRichardhavemettheir
match—Winnersallaround.

Nottosoundtoosentimental,butshemakesmewanttobreakoutinsonganddanceonthe

regular,andyou’veheardmytheoryonsinging.Well,mydancingisokay.IknowyouthoughtI’d
saysomethingcharminglyself-deprecating,butIhaveafewmovesthatmightmakeChanningTatum
jealous.That’salessonforanotherday.

Love.
It’sallthatmatters.ItcontrolsalmostallmythoughtsandIlookatlifedifferently.It’sall

consuming,heartfilling,bloodrushing.It’smagicforthesoul,andwe’vegotitinspades.

SowhenitcomestoV’sV-card,she’spouncedmemoretimesthanIcancount.It’slikethatthing

isburningaholeinherpocketshe’ssoanxioustospendit.It’sbeenarealdamnfeatkeepingheroff
myjunk.BigRichardhasseensomuchhandactionthatIneededlotionforthechaffing.Onthebright
side,cuzyeah,megettingoffcan’treallybeonthedarkside,it’snotmedoingtheworkanymore.
She’sbecomeasexualgoodwillambassadorandmydickisthebeneficiary.Asexualanimalfeeding
forthefirsttimewithmeasherprey.

JustlastnightIshowedupatherplaceandwithinminutes,Iwashandedabeer“tositbackand

relax,”thensheproceededtopinmetothewindow,thelittleminx,whilesherubbedontheoutsideof
myjeans.Idrankthatbeerbecauseitwasdamnrefreshing,sowasmyviewofthewomaninfrontof
me.EyetoeyewithBigRichard,shelookedupatme,andsaid,“Takeyourpantsoff.Thisjobisn’t
goingtoblowitself.”

I’mnotgonnalie,beerspewedeverywhere.Buttheshowerwetookmorethanmadeupforthe

factthatIwasnowdatingmyselfinfemaleform.Hotinsomeways,mouthyandalotcockyinothers.
ButIdigress...

Whenitcomestolessonfour,itisn’taboutthesexanymore.I’masappysuckerforlovenow.I

evenwroteHardyheartsVirginiainthefoggedupglassatthecoffeeshoptwodaysago.Luisatreated
metocoffee,recognizingtheoldHardyRichardisathingofthepast,andthisnewlovesickversion
isheretostay.

SowhenshefinallydoesgetthatV-cardstampedandturnsitovertothesexcommission,ithasto

bespecial.Ithastobeworthwaitingalltheseyearsfor.Fortunately,I’mthemanwithaplan.Theman
forherjob.I’monit,andplantobeinit,kissingit...yougetthedrift.Afterall,we’re#MFEO.

ewYear ’sEveisboominginthehospitalitysector.Runningapopularbusinessduringthesecond
biggestholidayforabarmeanswewerebookedsixmonthsagoforaprivateparty.

Alltheguysareworkingtonight—Romeohasasmallaudienceofladieshangingonhisevery

cocktale.CliveistossingbottlesintotheairandentertainingthecrowdCocktailstylewithflaming
drinks.Leohashithisstrideandfitsrightin.He’sasolidtender,andhasaregularclientele,including
thefashionicon,Vittori,whichbringsthebarmorepress.Eddiehaseverythingundercontrol—the
ladies,theliquor,andtheparty.Iknewhewasreadytotakeonthejob.

Asforme,that’smynameabovethedoor,thatonethatshinesontheglass.ThatmeansIgettocut

outearlyandmeetmygirljustintimetokissherunderthemidnightmistletoe.

ImakemyroundsandwisheveryoneaHappyNewYear,includingsomeoftheladiesIusedto

spendprivatetimewith.VirginiahascausedthisgoofygrinandIcan’tseemtogetittogoaway.I
don’tfightittoomuch.ItkindofsayseverythingabouthowI’mfeelingthesedays,muchtothe
ladies’chagrin.Butwealwayshadanunderstanding,soeventhoughI’moffthemarket,theywishme
thebestofluck.Theyalsotellmetokeepincontact,butI’vealreadydeletedthatcontactlistfrommy
phone.

Iwasn’tevenbotheredbydeletingthenumbers.Irarelyusedthemanyway,butwhenIlookedmy

sweetgirlintheeyesandwecommittedtothisrelationship,itneededtobefully.Virginiahasa
jealousstreak.Idon’twanttofeedthebeastwhenshehasnothingtoworryabout.

IreceiveafewcatcallsandcomplimentswhenI’mleaving.StealingBarry’smove,Itipmy

imaginaryhatandrushouttocatchacab.Atthisstage,karmaeventhinksIdeservesomenookie.I’ve
beenaverygoodboythisyearandplanonbeingextranaughtytonight.

Yep,karma’sonmysidewhenI’mabletogetataxirightawayononeofthecraziestnightsin

NewYork.“TheWaldorf-Astoria,please.”

“Traffic’sbad.Justlettingyouknowaheadoftime.”
Ihandhimafifty.“Ifwecancutsometimeoff,thatwouldbegreat.”
“Iknowsomedetours.”
Leaningback,Icheckmyphone.There’satextfrommymom:Yourdadhasbeenfondlinghis

ballsfordays.ShouldIbeworried?

Me:What?
Mom:IboughtsomesilverballslasttimeIwasinthecitythatcameinacuteAsianfabriccovered

box.Iwastoldtheywouldhelpspiceupourlovelife.Sofar,heplayswiththemallday,insteadofme.

Me:No.Nothavingthisconversation.HappyNewYear.
Mom:HappyNewYear,Hardy.DinnerthisSunday.You’rebringingVirginia.
Me:Yes,Ma’am.
Nextmessageisaphotofrommydadwiththemessage:Yourmothergotmethesehandmassagers

forChristmas.Youmanipulatethemaroundyourhandswithyourfingers.Ithinkthey’rehelpingmy
arthritis.IfyouneedaValentine’sDaygiftforVirginia,youcanfindthesecheapinNewYork.

I’dbangmyheadontheplasticshielddividingmefromthedriver,butIdon’twanttocatchsome

disease,soIreplytohiminstead:Dad,thosearen’thandmassagers.

Hisreply:Whatdoyoumean?
I’mnotintherightstateofmindtoexplainwhatBenWaballsaretonight.It’saBigRichard

downer.Itype:Ican’tdothisovertext.Let’shaveadrinklaterthisweek.Comebythebar.HappyNew
Year.

Dad:Soundsgood.Haveagoodnight,son.HappyNewYear.
Thedriverpullsover,andannounces,“TheWaldorf-Astoria.”
Ipaythecabbie,andworkmywaythroughthehotel.WhenIfindtheparty,Isearchtheballroom

forareddress,butcomeupshort.Istepfartherin,andletmyeyesadjusttothelowlighting.Inthe
middleofaroomoftraditionalblacktuxesstandsmybeautifulgirlfriendinaholy-shit-that’s-short-
glittering-gold-dresswiththeredsoledfuckmeshoes,asifseeingherlonglegswasn’tenoughofa
fantasyfulfiller.

Herdressmightbeshiny,butmysmilefaroutshinesit.That’smygirl.That’smysexyasallget

outwoman.Imakemywaythroughthepartyandthroughtheseaofsuits.Ireachthroughthepack,
andask,“MayIhavethisdance?”

Whensheturns,hersmileiskilowattbright.Herlong,darkhairispinnedbackononesidewith

gentlewavesrollingdowntheother.Shemightbeachampagnecocktailtonight,butshe’llalwaysbe
myPaloma.“Ofcourse,”shereplies,takingmyhand.Thesuitspartforherandshe’sinmyarmsin
aninstant.Mylipsareonhers,afierypassionignited.Myhandsareonherass,becausewhynotstake
theclaimforherwholecompanytosee.Iswingheroutandbackagainasaslowsongbeginstoplay.
“I’mgladyou’rehere.”

“Metoo.”Ileanintowhisperinherear,“Nicedress.Whatthereisofit.”
“Thanksfornoticing.”
“Everyguyinthisroomhasnoticed.There’snomistakingitanymore,V.Youmaybetheonly

womaninyourdepartment,butyoumostdefinitelyarenotoneoftheguys.”Wespinslowlyaround
andIlookintotheeyesI’vefalleninlovewith.“Youlookgorgeous.”

“Thankyou,Hardy.Youlookprettydamndelectableyourself.”
“Speakingof,howmuchlongerdidyouwanttostay?”
“It’snotmidnightyet.Ithoughtwe’dkissastheclockstrikestwelveandallthattraditionalstuff

thatcouplesdo.”

“Iwasthinkingwe’ddosomethingelse.”
“I’mopen.”
“That’spartoftheplan.”
Adevioussmirkaccentuatesherredlips.“I’mlikingthesoundofthisplan.ShouldIsaymy

goodbyes?”

Isendherawink.“Youshoulddefinitelysayyourgoodbyes.”Steppingback,Iadd,“Meetmeat

theelevatorsintenminutes.”

“I’llbethere.”
Icouldstandhereallday,watchingherswaythroughthecrowd,butthere’snowayI’mmissing

thisveryimportantdate.Screwthelessonplan,thisisadatewithdestiny.

Theelevatorarrivesjustasshedoes.Whenwestepon,sheasks,“Yourplaceormine,bigboy?”
“Mine,”Ireply,referringtotheapartmentandthegirl.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

hirtyminutesuntilmidnight.Thecountdownisonandthedoorisopen.Ihadjustenoughtime
todothebasics,butIthinkshe’lllikeit.Whenwewalkintothelargeapartment,hermouth

dropsopen.“Thisisallyours?”

“Yes.”
“Youowntheentirefourthfloor?”
“Iowntheentirebuilding.”
Shedoesadoubletake.“GuessIchosetherightbartenderthen.”
Ichuckle.“Guessso,butIthinkfatehaduslockeduplongbeforewemet.”
Walkingaroundtheemptyspace,shestopstolookoutthewindows.Herhandspresstotheglass

andshelooksaroundattheneighborhood.Shelooksdamngoodtakingupthatrealestate.Whenshe
turnsback,she’ssmiling,butit’ssoftlikeherdeliciouscurves.“You’vealwaysbeenquitethe
romantic.”

“Onlyforyou,V.”Iholdmyhandouttoher.“Comehere.Iwanttoshowyousomething.”
Ileadhertothemasterbedroom.Justinsidethedoorway,shehaltsinsurprise,ahandcovering

hermouthashereyesgetglassy.“Hardy.”

“Virginia.”Ihadtohavealittlefun.
“Youdidthisforme?”
“Yes.”I’mquiteproudofmyself.FindingamattresscompanytodeliverontheeveofNewYear ’s

Evewastough,butthat’swhatissogreataboutthiscity.Youcanfindanythingyouwantatanyhour
fortherightprice.Moneytalks.FortunatelyI’vegotenoughtoholdtheconversation.

Shewalkstothebedandsitsonthefluffyblanketthatmatcheshers.Ithoughtitwouldmakeher

feelmoreathome,morerelaxed,andcomforted.Battery-operatedcandlesfilltheflooralongthefar
wallandIriggedsomedrapesintoplacethisafternoon.Ihatetobefuckingblindedinthemorning.
Andifallgoesaccordingtoplan,we’llbesleepinglate.

Ihaveabarcartsetupwithbottlesofwater,liquor,somesnacks,andabucketofchilled

champagne.It’sNewYear ’s,whichmeanscelebrating,whichmeanschampagne.Ipopthecorkasshe
slipsoffhershoes.Iwantthosedamnshoeson,butIwantherinbednakedmore.“Thisplaceis
beautifulandwhatyoudidinthisroom...Hardy,you’vestolenmyheart.”

WhenIsitnexttoher,Isay,“Idon’twanttostealyourheart.Ijustwanttobeapartofit.”
“You’remorethanapart.Youownthewholeentirething.”
Wekissandthentoast,“Tous.”Simple.Sweet.Anduncomplicated.Justlikethewomanbefore

me.Afterwetakeasip,Isettheglassesonthefloor,andcupherface.“Iwanttomakelovetoyou.”

Herhandscovermine,andwithouthesitation,shesays,“Iwantthattoo.”
LanguidlipsbecomeeagerasImovemyhandtothebackofherhead,holdingherclose.Thefire

ignitedatthepartyflamesthepassionthat’sburningwithin.Kissingherisoneofmyfavorite
pastimes,butIwonderifitwillbethevictoraftertonight.Ourtonguestouch,butourhandsare
tentative.Iwhisper,“I’llgoslow.”

“Okay.”Shedoesn’tuseherinsidevoice,hernervespeekingthrough.
Akisstothecheek,andthenonetotheneck.Irunmyhandoverherdressandslidejustinsidethe

bottomhem.Andthenfartheruntilwe’rebothpanting.WhenIdon’treachanymorematerial,my
eyebrowmatcheslowerextremities—shootingstraightup.“Nounderwear,Ms.Ryan?”

“Iwashopingtogetlucky.”
Withalaugh,Isay,“Letmeknowhowthatworksoutforyou.”Istandandbringhertoherfeet.

WhileIworkonremovingthetux,shepullsherdressdown,findinganewplaceforittolive,right
nexttomyjacketandhershoes.Thetemptresswinksatme.“Sofar.Sogood.”

“You’retellingme.”Herohsocriminallydangerousbodyclimbsunderthecoversandwithher

handsbehindherhead,shewatchesmeundress.Withoutapologyandnonervesinsight,hereyes
roammybodyandherbottomlipisbit.

Finally,Ihaveallthepiecesoffandgetunderthecoverswithher.Insteadofsomethingsexual,

whichismoremyM.O.,seeingherhereandjustbeingwithher,Isay,“I’mgladyou’rehere.”

Theeaseisseeninhersmilewhenshereplies,“SoamI.”
Maneuveringcloser,Ikissheragain,lettingherlingeronmylips.Imovelowerkissingawet

traildownbetweenherbreastsandstoppingtoswirlmytongueinherbellybutton.

WhenIreachthesweetnessbetweenherlegs,she’salreadygrippingthesheets.“Youdon’thaveto

dothat,Hardy.You’vebeenmorethanpatientwithme.”

Ilookup,restingmyhandsonherhips.“I’minnohurry,Virginia.Icanwaituntilyou’reready.”
“I’mready.Idon’twantyoutofeelobligatedtodoallthisforme.Youdon’t.”
“Whosaysit’sonlyforyou?”Asmilerollsin,andmyjobhereisdone.Ohwait,nowIsmile

becausewe’rejustgettingstarted.

“Imighthavejustfallenmoreinlovewithyou.”
“Wellhangontoyourheartbecauseit’sabouttogetawholelotswoonierinhere.”Inotonlyspell

thepresidents’names,withmytonguetoherclit,butwithinminutesshe’sscreamingmine.Andjust
fuck,that’ssodamnhot.

ThemomentoftruthhappensdifferentlythanIthoughtitwouldgodown.Orupdependingon

howyoupositionyourself.Anyway,I’vegotthisgorgeousgirllyingnakedonthebedwaitingfor
metoteachhereverythingIknowaboutsex.Nopressureoranything.

“Itdoesn’tworklikethat,”Isay,rollingthecondomdownmycock.
ShewatcheswiththesameintensitysheexpressedwhilereadingtheMathematicalPrinciplesof

NaturalPhilosophybyIsaacNewton.She’sgotthemostastutequestforknowledge.Ofallsorts
apparently.“Whynot?”

“Becauseitcanbejustphysicalandrough,pleasurableinthatway.Butwithus,wehavemoreat

stake.”

“Wehaveourheartsontheline.”Sheliesback,readyforme.
“Exactly.”Ipositionmyself,gettingagoodfeelforthesituationathand,ordickmoreaccurately.

WhenI’msettledsnuglybetweenherlegs,Ileandownandkissherwithmyemotionsasmyerection
kissesherwhilepushingin.“Goodlord,SweetJesus.”Namestakeninvaincometrippingfrommy
mouth.

“What?Whatisit?”Shesoundsoutofbreath,andworried,andwejuststarted.
MaybeIpushedtoofarthefirsttime.Hernailsstarttodigintomyshoulders,soIbegintomove

again—slowly.“Youfeeltooamazing.”

Asmilecrossesherface,andthenIpushallthewayinsideher.Hermouthfallsopenandhereyes

fallclosed.“Hardy,”shereleasesmynameonasigh.

Iopenmyeyestoseeher,towatchassheexperiencesthisthefirsttime,muchlikehowitfeelsfor

me.“Areyouokay?”

“I’veneverfeltlikethis.Ifeelfull,likeeveryminutethatexistedbeforewasempty.Youfeelso

amazing.”Thewarmthofherhandspreadsacrossmycheekasshecaressesit.“Likeyouwerealways
meanttobeapartofme.”

“Madeforeachother.”
“Yes,likeweweremadeforeachother.Pleasestartmovingagainthough.Iwantmore.”
Andsoitbegins...
Holdingmyselfaboveher,Idropdownlowenoughtokissherwhilemakinglovetoherbody,

andwhatanamazingbodyshehas.Herskinissmoothalongherlonglegs,andIloopmyarmunder
hersexyknee,bendingittomyside.HerbodyisleanbutsoftinalltherightplacesandIbeginto
steadilythrust.Herhipsjoinmine,engulfingmedeeper.

Iwatchherreactions.Mybody’sinnercoilistighteningasVirginia’sbodyembracesmine.She

takesmeintohersupplehavenandwemoveasifwewerealwaysmeanttobetogether.“Areyou
okay?”Iwhisper,notsureifI’veeverfeltthislosttosensationsbefore.

“Sogood,babe.Keepgoing.Don’tslowdown.”
Smiling,ourmakingloveturnsintoagoodfuckingasshetakesandgives,accepts,andreturns

thefavor.Hernailsdiggingintomyskinspurmeontomoveevenfaster.I’mgettingclose,soclose.I
reachtowhereourbodiesarejoinedandfindherlittleeroticbundleofnerves.Withmythumb,Iput
pressurewhereIknowshewantsit.“Canyoucomeforme,baby?”

“OhmyGod.I’msoclosealready.Harder.”Herbackarchesandherheadpushesintothebed,

openingherbodyuptomelikeaflowerbloomingforthesun.“Keepgoing.”Alittlemorepressure
sendshermoaningandshelet’sgo,fallingintoablissthatstrumsthroughherlikeastringona
guitar.She’sstunninginherorgasmasherbodyflexesaroundme,encouragingmyownrelease.

Holdingherbytheshoulders,IfuckwithallIhaveleft,mybodydemandingIgobigwhile

headingintohome.Darknesscloudsmyviewandthelightsburst,andIgiveinwhollytothe
demandingrelease.Icollapseontopofher,androlltotheside,mysoulsighingincontentment.
“Holy—”

“JackfuckingDaniels.”
Awomanaftermyownheart.Throughmyhaze,Ismile,reachover,andpullhertome.Oneeye

opensandthenanother.She’slookingoveratmewithahuge,sassygrinonherface.“Thatgood,
huh?”

“BetterthanIhopedandIhadhighhopesconsideringI’mlearningfromthebest.”
“You’regoodformyego,youknowthat.”Ileanoverandkissherhead.“You’regoodforme.”
“Willitalwaysbethisgood,Hardy?”
“Thesex?Itwillgetbetter.Trustme.”
Shegiggles,andhitsmychestplayfully.“Imeantus,this,beingtogether.”
“Thiswillgetbettertoo.Youcantrustmeonthataswell.I’llmakesureofit.”Iyawn,andhold

myarmabovemyheading,lookatthetime.“Twelvepastmidnight.”

Poppingup,shesays,“Wemissedakissatmidnight.”
“Ohwewerekissingatmidnight,baby.Andawholelotmore.”
Settlingbackdownandlaughinglightly,shesays,“You’reright.Wesurewere.Ican’tbelieveyou

poppedmycherry.”

“Popped,tasted,devoured.”
“Okay,enoughofthat.Let’sjustgowithHappyNewYear.”
“HappyNewYear.”Wekissbeforeshegetsoutofbedandhandsmemyglassofchampagne.

“Cheers.”
“Cheers.”WesipandthenIkissheragainjustbecauseIcan.
Sheslipsoutofbedandgoestothebathroom.WatchingherpadacrossmyfloorIcan’thelpbut

hopetohavethisviewmoreoften.AndIreallyfuckinghopethatmydadisrightaboutwhatyouare
doingatmidnightiswhatyou’llbedoingallyearlongbecauseIcouldreallygetonboardwithbeing
insideVallyear.

WeswapturnsandwhenIreturntobed,Ilaymyheadnexttohers.Myarmisholdingherbythe

waistwhilemybodyrelaxes,readyforsleep.Vanillaandsexlingersintheair,asmilelingeringon
herface.Igiveherakissandclosemyeyes.I’mnotsurewhatcomesoverme,butImoveeven
closer,moldingmyselfaroundher.

Drawingfigureeightsonmyarm,shealreadyknowsme,canfeelthatsomething’sweighingon

mymind.Hervoiceissoftlikehertouch.“Areyouokay,Hardy?”

Myheadandheartarefuzzy.“I’mfeelingalittledrunk.”
“Ididn’tthinkyoudrankmuchtonight.”
“Ididn’t.”
“Thenhowareyoudrunk?”
Openingmyeyes,Iwhisper,“SinceImetyouI’vebeendrunkonlove.”
Shekissesmynose.Hertoneisreassuring,herlipssoftagainstmyskin.“That’sthebestkindof

drunk.”

“I’mgoingtohaveonehelluvahangover.”Ismile.“Itmightlastyears.”
“I’mgoodwithyears.”
Rollingontopofher,BigRichardiswide-awakeagainandreadyformore.Ican’tdenyhisdrive.

Hehasthestaminaofastud.Itrytocalmhimdownbutit’sVirginiahe’sreactingto,sothat’snear
impossible.WhenIlookatherthough,shehasthisamazingwayofmakingthepastnotmatter,the
presentreallyfuckingsexy,andthefuturebrighter.Happinessisn’tonthehorizon,I’vefounditandI
intendtoholdontoit.“Howdoyoufeelaboutalifetime?”

Therightsideofherlipscurlsup.“Askmetomorrowwhenyou’resober.”
“Iwill,andeverydayafter.”
“Becarefulwhatyousaynext,Hardy,oryou’regonnafindyourselfengagedandlivingin

Connecticut.”Ichuckle.“Whataboutafourthfloorpenthousewithaprivateelevatorandrooftop
deck?”“Youhavearooftopdeck?”Herexcitementbubblesup.

“Ido.”
“Canwegoup?”
“AndhereIwashopingwe’dgodown.”
“Youaresohorny.”
“Beatsbeinganasshole.”
“Goodpoint,Mr.Richard.”
“Speakingofsex—”
“Weweren’ttalkingaboutsexatall.”
“You’reright.Let’snottalkaboutit.Let’sdoitinstead.”
Amoanescapesherlipswhenmyhandslipsbetweenherlegs.WhileIfuckherwithmyfingers,I

kisshertits.Nowthisisbliss.Thisishappiness.

Intheweehoursofthefirstdayoftheyear,I’mlyinginbedwithVtuckedinnexttome.Iusedto

thinkcocktailswithasideofcocktaleswerethekeytohappiness,andthatpeopleonlyneededagood
timeandagreatfucktogetby.

AvirginnamedVirginiachangedmymind,myheart,mybody,andmysoul.Yup,sheownsallof

me.AndI’mprettysureIownallofthegoodpartsthatmakeherwhole.Gome!Withmyfreearm

raisedintheair,Idoasilentcheer,carefulnottowakeher.

ButlikeI’vebeenknowntodo,let’sgivecreditwherecreditisdue,serendipitymayhaveplayeda

partintheVirginiaandHardylovestory,butitwasuswhorewroteourending.Together,we’re
livingthathappilyeverafteronegreatfuc—eh,yougetthepicture.

TheEnd.

SweetTalkbyS.L.ScottSneakPeek

SweetTalk

DANNYWESTON

Height6’3”
Waist33.5”
Chest41.5”

Suit42L

Inseam34”

Shoes13

EyesLightBrown

HairMediumBrown

EditorialNote:Mostsoughtaftermalemodelintheindustry.Hollywoodcalling.Bestknownforhis

body—underwearmodeling,fitness,runway,printads.Needsextraroomintheinseam.Easytowork

with.

Flirts.Alot.

Followsthrough.Evenmore.

ChapterOne

od,Iwantyou,Danny,”Simonewhispersintomyear.Shelicksjustbelowitbeforesliding
downovermyjawandbitingme.

Myholdtightensaroundherhips,steadyingher.Ishouldhaveseenthebitecoming.Theyalldoit,

assumingtheyhavetodosomethingextremetobesexy,togetmyattention.Likeeveryothertimeit
happens,Ipullbackandrunmyfingersintoherhairatthenapeofherneck,thentightenmygrip.

Shegaspsanddigshernailsintomyshoulderswhiletheinnocenceshe’stryingtoportrayinher

eyesfailsundertheskepticismfoundinmine.Ourbodiesarepressedtogetherandheated,thefannot
strongenoughtocoolusdown.

Tiltingherheadback,Ikissthedivotatthebottomofherneck,thenlickfrombasetochin,taking

mysweettime.Simone’sbackarches,pushingherbreastsagainstmychestandshemoansin
pleasure.

“Thatissohot.Keepitup,”avoiceintrudes.
Simonesighs,irritated,andpullsaway.Iturntothephotographer ’sassistantstandingattheedge

ofthesetjustasSimonerevealsherfrustrationbyleaningbackandswingingherlegovermeto
standup.Leisurely,mygazeslidesupherleanlegs.She’stallerthanmostwomenandtheheelsshe’s
wearingaddanothergoodfiveinches.Appreciatingherphysique,Ismileandreclinebackwithmy
handsbehindmyheadwhilewatchingheradjustthestringsatherhips.Herheadsnapsupandher
eyesnarrowontheassistantoffset.“Ifyouwantustokeepitup,thenshutupnexttime.”Shestorms
off,hershoesclackingloudlyagainstthegraycementfloor.

Knowinganangrymodelneedstime,Isitup,andask,“Howmuchtimedowehave?”
Everyoneiswellawarethatthemoodhaschangedontheset.Worrycreasestheassistant’sbrow

whenheanswers,“Ithink,umm…fiveortenminutes.”

Theguy’sanxietyrollslikewavescrashingaroundme.Feelingbadforhim,Ireassure,“Don’t

worryabouther.She’llbefine.Justgiveherafewminutestocooldown.”

“Thanks.”Hesmilesthoughit’sweak.“Areyoudoingallright?”
Ismilegenuinelywhilestandingup.“Yeah,I’mgood.Thanks.”WhenIstarttowalk,theknit

boxerbriefsI’mwearingfortheshoottightenuncomfortably,soIstoptoadjust.They’reasizetoo
small,soIgrabmycockandshift.“Actually,Icouldusealargersize.Thesearecuttingoffmyblood
circulationdownhere.”

“

Beforetheassistantcanrespond,twowomensuddenlyappearfromthedarkenedsideofthelarge

loft.Acute,petiteblondeoffers,“Letmetakealook.MaybeIcanhelp.”She’sbold,notshylikeI
wouldhaveguessedfromthelibrarianlookshe’schosen.

Theotherlady—tallerwithsomegraystrandsrunningthroughherdarkhair—seemsnewtothe

modelingworld.Shestandstherestaringbelowmywaist,andbythewayshe’soglingme,I’m
guessingshemightbenewtonakedmeningeneral.Maybeshe’sneverworkedonanunderwear
campaignbefore.Sheclearsherthroatandfindshervoice.“TheyfitaroundthewaistsoIcanadd
morematerial,ifyou’dlike?ButI’llneedthemtodothat.”

Bypassingthefirstoffer,Iacceptthesecond.Thisismyjob.I’mapro,amodel,andusedtobeing

nakedinfrontofstrangers,soIdropmydrawers.Ibenddowntogetthem,andwhenIstandbackup
I’mgreetedwithtwomouthshangingwideopen.“Ladies,you’regonnamakemefeelshy,”Itease.
I’mnotshyatall.

Liftingtheirchinsuntilboththeirmouthsareclosed,Ichuckleastheycontinuetostare

unabashedly.Thetallerwomansays,“Ohyouhavenothingtobeshyabout.”

“Absolutelynothing,”theblondeaddsinsistently.
“Thanks,”Ireply,myvoiceit’susualcharm.Ihandtheboxerstotheladyandwalkoffsettograb

myrobe.WhenIslipiton,Becsfromwardrobeapproachesandsays,“Icanaddsomeroominthere
foryou.I’llhavethembackintenminutes.”

“Ialreadygavethemtotheseamstress.”
“Whatseamstress?”sheasks.
“Theoneoverthere.”WhenIturntotheset,they’vevanished.Scanningtheloftfromonesideto

theother,thetwowomenarenowheretobefound.“Shewasjustherewithablondelady.”PerplexedI
scanagain.“Ihavenoideawheretheywent.”

Becsrollshereyes,shakesherhead,andsighsloudly.“Goodgrief.Notagain.”Turningonher

heels,sheyellsout,“Security.We’vehadanotherbreach.”Withhereyesnarrowedonmywaist,she
adds,“Tightenthebelt.Youdon’twantanyonesellingaphotoofyourfrank‘nbeanstothehighest
bidder.”Hermoodlightening,shesmilesandshrugs.“Ormaybeyoudo.I’llgetyournextwardrobe
change—”

Ilaughbutpointtomyprivates.“Extraroomy.”
Becswavesherhandintheairwhilewalkingoff.“Yeah.Yeah.Igotit.”
ImakemywaytocraftserviceswhereIfindSimoneeatingwhatappearstobeherthirdSnickers

bythewrapperslitteringthetablenexttoher.“Dotheyhavefruittoday?”

Shespeakswithafullmouth.“Downattheotherendofthetable.”
Thephotographer ’sassistantannounces,“Fiveminutes.”
Eyeingherassheshovesthelastofthecandybarintohermouth,thenmakeswhatIguessisthe

universalsignforvomitingwithherfinger,Itrytoholdmylectureforanothertime.Whenshe
disappearsdownthehall,Iunderstandthestressshe’sunder.Themodelingworldiscompetitive.One
poundovertheothergirlandamodelcanlosethejob.Simonedesirestokeepworking,tostayon
topofhergame,butI’veneverfoundgauntsexy.Whenthecameraaddstenpounds,Igetwhytheydo
it.

Grabbinganapple,Ieatwhilewalkingbacktotheset.Becsisthereandhandsmeapairof

customizedblackbriefs,extrafabricfinelysewnintothemiddle.“Let’sgettheseonandseehowthey
look.”

Ipullthemonundermyrobebeforeuntyingthebelttolethertakeacloserlook.Shebendsand

eyesmydick,makingmesmile.Whenshestandsup,sheclaspsherhandstogether.“Yep,looks
good.”

“Thanks,”Ireplysmugly.What?I’mhuman.“You’renotsobadyourself.”

Becs’sattemptsatplayingitcoolareunderminedwhenhercheekspink.“Idon’tdatemodels,

Danny.”

“Whosaidanythingaboutdating?”Iwinkplayfully.
“That’sexactlywhyIdon’tdatemodels,”shereplies,notabletohidethecuteblush.Watchingher

walkaway,InoticethepepinherstepandhopeImadeherdayalittlemoreenjoyable.

Afterthree-pointingtheapplecoreintothewastebasket,Imentallycelebratescoringwithaself-

satisfiedsmilewhilereturningtothebedandwaiting.

WhenSimonereturns,shesitsnexttome.Herbodyistense,herhandshaveaslightshake,and

she’spalerthanbefore.Asmakeuprushesoverandstartstouchingherup,Iwhisper,“Youokay?”

Shestaresdownatthefloorwhiletheyapplymorepowder.“Fine.”
I’veknownSimoneforafewyears.Notquitetwenty-four,hercareerisgoingstrong,but

sometimesshe’smoody.Ithinkit’stheconstantlackoffood,soIoffer,“Wannagrababiteafter?”

ThemakeupladyleavesandSimonelooksup.Touchingmycheeks,shesays,“You’realwaysso

sweet,butyouknowIdon’treallyeat,muchlessoutatrestaurantsinfrontofothers.”

“Iwashopingyou’dbreakyourruleforme.”
Shesmiles,andsoundshopeful.“I’llbreakmineifyoubreakyours.Whywon’tyousleepwith

models?”

“I’vesleptwithmanymodels.”
“Thenwhyhaven’tweeverslepttogether?”
Withacockedeyebrow,Ipointout,“Youweretooyoung.”Takingadvantageofyounggirlsisn’t

mything.Alotofmalemodelsgothroughthesegirlswithabandon,butbythetimeIhitmyupper
twenties,therewasnoappealindatingagirlbarelylegaltodrinkjustbecauseshewashot.Nowthat
I’minmyearlythirties,Idon’twantagirl.Iwantawoman.“Andasyoupointedout,we’refriends.”

Agleamentershereyeswhenshelaughs,leaningbackonthebed.“That’sright.Youwerethe

firsttoeverturnmedown.Theonly,infact.Whyareyousogood,DannyWeston,whenbeingbadis
somuchmorefun?”

MemoriesflashthroughmymindlikeaspinningRolodex.“I’vedonealotofbad,andnothing

workedout.Maybealittlegoodwillsuitmebetter.”

Maneuveringherbody,shewrapsherlegsaroundme,anddragshernailsverylightlydownmy

chest,carefultonotleaveamark.Movingcloseenoughtokiss,shewhispers,“Well,ifgooddoesn’t
workoutforyou,comefindme.”

Thephotographershowsupandwithoutnoticingtheintimacy,startsfillingusinontheangleshe

wantstocompletetheshoot.“We’renotgoingtousethebrainthisset.Youtwowillbeblurredinthe
background,butIwantsidebreastandshadows.Coverednipples,butthat’sallIwanthidden.Intimate,
desire,likeinpre-sex.Givemeforeplay.Iwantkissingbutnotonguesshowing.Simone,hisscentis
drivingyouwildandyoucan’tkeepyourhandsoffhim.”Heturnsaroundandshouts,“Preparefor
theclose-upofthecolognebottle.Whoeverhasbeensprayingmystudiowiththatshitisfired.”

Whenheleaves,Simone’slipsquirkintomischievousness,ignoringhisrant.“Foreplay.Pre-sex.”

Shereachesaround,herbreastspushedout,andunclaspsherbra.Barebeforeme,shedirectsher
eyesonmine.“Wecandothat,right,Danny?”

Keepingmyeyesonhers,Idon’tdeviatelower.“IthinkI’llmanage.”
Fromthesidelines,thephotographerinstructs,“Touchherbreasts.”WhenIdo,headds,“Sohot.

Keepgoing.”

Twohourslater,Simoneliesonthebed,hergazeislowered,herbodyexposedwithoutcare.Itry

tostand,butshestopsmebygrabbingmywaistbandandtugging.“MaybeI’llseeyouagainsoon.”

“Yeah,maybewe’llbebookedtogetheragain.Seeyouaround,Simone.”
“Seeyouaround.”

Fifteenminuteslater,IwalkoutpullingmyT-shirtdownovermyhead.“Hey,Becs,I’mlate

meetingtheguys.GotanythingIcansnagfromtheshoottowear?”

“I’vespoiledyouinthepast,butyouknowyou’renotsupposedtotakeanything.Wehavetoturn

inourexpensesandreturnalloftheclothes.”Shetakesanavybluebutton-downshirtfromtherack
andhandsittome.“Sodon’tgetcaught.Wearitlikeyoualreadyownit.”

Itugtheshirtoffandswiftlyslipontheother.“Thanks.”IkissheronthecheekasIbuttonup.
Good-humoredly,sheshovesmeaway.“Go,handsome.Getoutofhereandhavesomefun.”
Shiningmymillion-dollarsmile,Ireply,“You’rethebest.”
“Alwaysthecharmer,Danny.”
“Youknowit.”
“IthinkIseeyouonashootnextweekanyway,sogo.”
“Ifyoumissmeinthemeantime,you’vegotmynumber.”Whileheadingforthedoor,Iwaggle

myeyebrows.

“Oh,Ihaveyournumberallright.Go,yabigflirt.Gofindsomeonewhowillfallforthatline.”
“Whatabouttheseabsandmysparklingpersonality?”Irubmyabstotease.“Noloveforthese?”
Withherhandonherhip,shecontinuestoplayalong.“Thoseabsareeasytofallfor.”
“Ouch.Nothingformypersonality?”
“Go!”
Laughing,IsneakoutbeforeIgetcaughtwiththeshirt.“Seeyounextweek.”
“Seeyouthen,playboy.”
Checkingthetime,it’sjustgoneten.IjogtomyJeep,whichisparkeddowntheblock.Dinner

withthefriendshaslongpassed.I’llcatchhellformissingit…likeIalwaysdo.Irevtheengineto
lifeandtakeoffsoIcancatchthemforthesecondhalfoftonight’sfestivities.

Temptedtodrivehomeinstead,Iturnontheradiotomentallyampupforthenight.Ihavea

feelingtonightwillbethesameasWednesdayandtheSundaybeforethat.I’mreadyforsomething
different,achangeinscenery,achangeincompany,somethingorsomeonethatmakesmeexcitedto
goout.

Silverlining:everynightisanewopportunity,everyday,asecondchancetomakethingsright.
Iarriveattheclubandtossmykeystothevalet,whogivesmeawelcomingnod.“DanMan.”
“Whendidyoustartworkinghere,James?”
“Lastweek.ThehotelcannedmefortakingaladyforarideinaFerrari.”
“Didyouatleastscorepointswiththelady?”
Thevaletsmilesandpurseshislips.“Youknowit.”
“Waytogo,butIimaginetheowneroftheFerrariwasn’ttoohappy.”
“Hewasmoreupsetaboutmeborrowinghiscarthanhiswifeblowingme.Mybossdidn’tlike

thateither.”

Burstingoutlaughing,Ifistbumphim.“Ohshit.Well,takecareoftheJeep.Nojoyrides.”
“Yougotit,bro.”Justbeforehehopsin,hecallstome,“Goodluckandhavefun.”
“Iintendto.”

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http://bit.ly/SweetTalkbook

NEWYORKTIMESBESTSELLINGNOVEL

TheResistancebyS.L.ScottSneakPeek

TheResistance

Prologue

’mafuckingfool.

I’mnotevensurehowIgotintothismess,butIknowIneedtogetmyselfoutofit.Ilook

downatthehandonmythighinchinguphigherandmystomachrolls.Squeezingoutfrombetween
thetightconfinesofthethirdrowinthisvan,agirloneachsidewantingapieceofme,Ifalloverthe
seatintothecargoareaandmoveawayfromtheirastonishedstares.They’respeakingGermanandI
don’tknowwhatthefuckthey’resaying,butI’vebeeninthistypeofsituationenoughtoknowhowit
willend,ifIletit.

Everythinghaschanged…orsometimearoundmylastbirthdayIchanged.
Ididn’tinvitethesechicks.Dexdid.He’llfuck’emallbeforethenight’sthroughandthebadpart

is,they’lllethim.Thinkingthey’respecial,thatthey’llbetheonetotamehim.They’lllethimdo
whathewantsjusttobeclosetohim.

Beyondthissetupbeingpredictableatthispoint,it’sreallyfuckingoldorIam,probablyboth.I

ignoretheirtapsonmyshoulderandthemcallingmyname.Iignoreeverythingtodowiththemand
focusonmyphone.

Ontheinside,I’mfreakingthefuckoutthatI’msittinginthecargoholdofahugevanin

GermanywithattractivegirlswillingtodoanythingIwantthemto,butIprefertolookataphotoofa
littleblondewithhazeleyes.Freakingthefuckoutmightbeanunderstatement.

I’maplayerorwas,supposedtobe,maybestillam.Idon’tkeepscoreoranythinglikethat,but

I’vesleptwithplentyofwomen,sometimesmorethanoneatatime.Iusedtoblamemylifestyle,but
morerecently,IrealizedI’mthecommondenominatorinthebadrelationshipsI’vehad.

Thecarcomestoastopandthedriverrushesaroundtothebacktoletmeout.Istumblewhile

climbingout,andhurryinsideawayfromthesoundofmynamebeingcalled.Thegirlswillbeupset
whentheyrealizeI’mnotstayingtoplay,butDexwillbethrilled—morepussyforhim.

Coryhopsoutfromthefront,andfollowsme.“Waitup,”hesays,joggingtocatchup.
Whenwereachtheelevators,welookback.Dexishelpingthegirlsoutofthevehicleone-by-one.

Withacigarettehangingfromthecornerofhismouth,he’ssloppy,alreadydrunk.Heneverlacksfor
femalecompanionship.Bythewayheacts,Idon’tseetheappeal,butIdon’tthinkthat’swhythey’re
hookingupwithhimanyway.

Corylooksatmeandnodsonce.“What’sup?Whathappenedbackthere?”
Theelevatordoorsopenandwestepin,pushingthebuttonforourfloor.“Overit.Overitall.”
“ThegirlfromVegas?”
“She’snotfromVegas,butyeah,I’vekindofbeenthinkingabouther.”
Whenthebrassdoorsreopen,wewalkdownthehalltoourrooms.CoryandIdon’tdosmalltalk.

We’vebeenfriendsforyears,bestfriendsifIthinkaboutit.

“Maybeyoushouldcallher,”hesuggestsasweopenourdoors.
“MaybeIwill.”
“Night.”
“Night,”Imumbleandshutthedoorbehindme.

ChapterOne–HollidayHughes

“Comfortzonesarelikewomen.Youhavetotryafewbeforeyoufindtheonethatfeelsright.”
~JohnnyOutlaw

hatdamnlimeandcoconutsonghasbeenplayingonaloopinmyhead,drivingmenutsfor
hours.Imakeamentalnote:FireTracyinthemorningforsubjectingmetothatsongtwenty-

thousandtimesyesterday.Shecalleditinspirational.Icallittortureafterthefirsttwotimes.

Rollingover,Ilookatthetime.4:36a.m.IhavefourhoursbeforeIneedtobeontheroad.This

maybeabusinesstrip,butitwillstillbegoodtogetawayforafewdays.Ineedabreak.I’vebeenin
abadmoodlately.ThespaandIhaveadateI’mreallylookingforwardto.Thethoughtalonerelaxes
me.IclosemyeyesandtrytogetafewmorehoursofsleepbeforeIneedtoleaveforLasVegas.

Igettwotops.
Itightenmyrobeattheneck.JustasIopenmyfrontdoortogetthepaper,Ihearamalevoicesay,

“Hello?”

Peekingthroughthecrack,IholdthedoorprotectivelyinfrontofmejustincaseIneedtoclose

andlockitquickly.“Hi.”

“I’myournewneighbor.Ijustmovedinlastweek.I’mDanny.”
Curious,IslowlystickmyheadouttogetabetterlookatthisDanny.Strandsofmysandyblonde

hairfallinfrontofmyeyes,soItuckitbehindmyearandgetaneyeful.Tomysurprise,he’squite
handsomeandhasabigsmile.“Oh,um,”Isay,draggingmyhanddownthebackofmyhair,hoping
totamethewildstrands.“Hi.I’mHolli.Welcometotheneighborhood.”

HenodstowardthepaperonthebottomofthesharedSpanishtiledstepsthatleadtoour

townhomes.“I’llgetyourpapersinceyou’renotdressed.”

“Thanks.”Iwatchhim.Helookslikehejustgotbackfromarunorworkout—alittlesweaty,but

notgross,inthatsexykindofway.OrmaybeDanny’sjustsexy.He’swellbuiltwithshort,brownhair
andwhenhebendsover,Inoticehisstronglegsandarms.Well-definedmusclesleadto—OhmyGod!
Notjustmyface,butmyentirebodyheatsfromembarrassment.Hopinghedoesn’tsayanything
aboutmecheckinghimout,Iturnawayandstartpickingatapieceofpeelingstucconearmyhouse
number.“Um,soareyousettledin,likingyourplace?”

HischucklingconfirmsIwasbusted.Buthe’sagentleman,soheactsasifitdidn’thappen.“Ilike

theneighborhood.Theplaceisgreat,”hesays.“Ilikeallthespace,especiallythepatio.I’mthinking
ofhavingapartytobreakitin,maybeinafewweeksafterIfinishunpacking.”Hehandsmethe
paperandtakestwostepsback.“Youshouldstopby.”

Nodding,Ilookintohiseyes.Ithinkthey’rebrown,lighterthanmine,morehoney-colored.His

offerisfriendly,notacomeon,whichisgoodsincewe’reneighborsnow.“Thanksforthe
invitation.”

Walkingbacktohisdoor,hestealsonemoreglimpseoverhisshoulder.“Haveagreatday.See

youaround,Holli.”

“Yeah,seeyouaround.”
Ishutthedoor,paperinhand,andfallagainstthewoodwithasmileonmyface.Oneofmy

goldenrulesisnottodatewhereIsleep,butIstillappreciatethatmynewhottieneighboriseasyon
theeyes.Hemightknowit,buthedoesn’tseemarrogant.

Ilockthedoorandgetreadytoleave.
LosAngelesishot,smoggy,andgreyatthishourandIhaveafeelingitwon’tbemuchdifferenta

fewhoursfromnow.Iclosethepatiodoorandlockit,doublecheckingforsafety.Afterpullingthe
drapesclosed,ItakeonelastlookaroundtomakesureI’mnotforgettinganything.ItextTracyand
letherknowI’mleaving.Shedoesn’treply,butI’mnotsurprised.Herboyfriendproposedlastnight
aftersixyearsofdating.BeingthekindbossandfriendIam,Iletheroutofthistrip,soshecould
spendtheweekendwiththeirfamiliestocelebratetheengagement.

Thereareselfishreasonsaswellforlettingheroffthehook.Ireallydon’tthinkIcanhandle

hoursofsittinginthecarwithherasshereadsbridalmagazinesandplanseverydetailofherbigday.
Aftertoomanyduddatesinthelastcoupleofmonths,I’mnotintherightframeofmindtoplanher
happilyeverafter.

Withmygarmentbaginonehandandmysuitcaseintheother,Iclickthebutton,disarmingmy

car ’salarmasIwalktomyparkingspace.I'velivedhereacoupleofyears.Iwantedaplacenearthe
beachthatalsohadspaceformyoffice,andIwasfortunateenoughtofindbothinthistownhome.

AmemeIcreatedwentviralthreeyearsagothismonth.Whoknewasnarky-mouthedfruitwould

bethewayImakemyfortune.Itookitthoughandranwiththebrand,buildingitintoasmallempireI
namedLimelight.ThecompanyisleanandIkeepmycostsundercontrol.Myfortunehasgrownbya
fewmillioninthelastyearalone.

Ibackoutontothestreetandtakethescenicroute,oneblockuptothebeach.Drivingslowly

alongwithmywindowsdown,Iletthesoundofthewavesandthesmelloftheoceancenterme.At
thefirststoplight,Itakeonedeepsaltyairbreath,rollthewindowbackup,andleaveforVegas.

Anhourintothetrip,Tracycalls.Ianswer,butbeforeIhaveachancetospeak,sheasks,“CanI

pleasetellyouallaboutitagain?”Happylaughterpunctuatesherquestion.

“Ofcourse.Tellmeeverything.”I’llindulgeherweddingfantasiesbecausethat’swhatfriends

do…andbecauseIhavefourhourstokillinthecar.Listeningtohertakesmymindoffthetimeand
themilesstretchingaheadofmeasshereliveseverylastdetailoftheproposal.Fortunatelyforme,
sheskimsovertheengagementsex.

HerexcitementiscontagiousandbecauseI’veknownherandherfiancé,Adam,forsomany

years,myhappinessexudes.“Congratulationsagain.”

“Thankyouforlettingmestayhomethisweekend.You’llbegreatanddon’tbenervous.It’sjusta

rah-rahgoget’empresentationandcocktailparty.Therestofthetimeisallyours.”

“YouknowhowmuchIhatethesekindsofevents.”
“Youdon’thavetoproveanythingtoanyone.Yourcompany’ssuccessspeaksforitself.”
“Thanks.I’lltrytorememberthat.”
“Drivesafelyandsqueezeinsomefun.”
Ilaugh.“YouknowI’lltry.Bye.”Whenwehangup,Iturnonsomemusicandletthemilesdrift

behindme.

Afterastopforgashalf-wayandacoffeelater,Ientertheglisteningcityinthedesert.Pullingup

tomyhotel,Ivaletmycarandtakemyownluggagetomyroomaftercheckingin.Ilikethishotel
becauseoftheamenities,butthemenaren’tbadtolookateither—alittleedgy,alotsexy—luckyfor
thissinglegirl.

IspendacoupleofhourscheckingemailsandworkonaproposalbeforeIrealizethetimeand

needtogetreadyforthenight.It’sVegas,soImixbusinesswithsomesexy.Ipullonablackfitted
skirtthathitsmid-thigh,anemeraldgreensilkcamisolewithspaghettistraps,andashortblackjacket.
Isliponmyfavoritenewpairofstilettosandafteronelastcheckofmymakeupandhair,Iheadout.

Themeetandgreetisn’tlong,butIslipoutatonepointtousetherestroom.AsI’mwalkingback

towardtheballroom,I’mdrawntoamanstandingwithagroupofpeoplenearby.Hismagnetism
capturesme.HemightjustbethebestlookingmanI’veeverseen—tall,darkhair,strongjawleading
meuptoseductiveeyesaimedatme.Hisheadtiltsandforasplitsecondintime,everyoneelse
disappears.Ibreaktheconnectionbylookingaway,everythingfeelingtoointenseinthemoment.
Whenhelaughs,Iaddthattohisongoinglistofgreatattributes.

WhenIpass,thefeelofhisgazelandingheavyonmybacksidewarmsmybody.Withmyhandon

thedoor,Ipause,wantingtolookbacksobadly.Iresisttheurge,openthedoor,andreturntothe
party.Thepresentationportionoftheeveningisinteresting.Despitethat,mythoughtsrepeatedlydrift
backtothehotguyinthecorridor—fittedjeans,blackshirt,leatherwristband.DamnI’mweaktoa
leatherwristband.

I’mmentallybroughtbacktothepresentationwhenmycompanyisrecognizedasonetowatch.

Theacknowledgementisnice,anditfeelsgoodtobeamongmypeers.

Thedinnerbecomesmoreofapartyaseveryonewandersaroundinsteadoftakingtheirseats.I’m

nothungryandneedtopsychmyselfuptomingle.Tracyisawesomeinthesetypesofsituations.Me,
notsomuch.

Theballroomisdimlylit,I’mguessingtosettheambiance,butsincethisisbusiness,Icando

withouttheromance.Iheadstraightforthebarjustlikeeveryoneelse—onebigcattlecalltothe
liquortomaketherestofthenightalittlemorebearable.

“Iusuallyhatethesethings,”Ihearfromtheguybehindme.WhenIlookovermyshoulder,he

givesmeahalf-smile—half-friendly,half-creepy.“Buttheydon’tusuallyhaveattractivewomen
either.”

Irollmyeyeswhileturningmybackonhimandhischeesypick-upline.
“I’msorry.Thatwasbad.Iknow,”hesayswithaweirdnasallylaugh.
HisbreathhitsmyneckandIjerkback.“Doyoumind?Everhearofpersonalspace?”
“Sorry.You’rejustreallypretty.”Heshrugsasifthatmakeseverythingbetter.“Yourbeautyis

makingmestupid.”

“Youthink?”Bigmistake.
Heactuallytakesmysarcasticcommentasaconversationopener.“Yes,Ido.ButIcan’tbethe

firsttobedumbfoundedbyyourbeauty.”

Standingonmytiptoestoseehowmanymorepeopleareinfrontofme,Iexhale,disappointedby

thelongline.Onepersoninlinewouldhavebeentoomanyatthispoint.“Excuseme,”Isayandslip
outofline.Ifindthetablewithmynametagonit,setmypursedown,andtakeoffmyjacket.This
hotelballroomiscrowdedandtoowarm.

Savedbyafriendlyface,IseeCara,amarketingstrategistIknowfromL.A.Weavingbetweenthe

tables,Isitdowninachairnexttoher.Withhereyesfocusedonthepaperworkinfrontofher,Iask,
“Workingduringtheparty?”

Shelooksup,smilingwhensheseesme.Openingherarms,sheleansinandhugsme.“Holli,it’s

sogoodtoseeyou.”

Iwentwithadifferentcompanythanhersforacampaignawhilebackandgladshe’snotholding

itagainstme.“Goodtoseeyouagain.”

“Congratulationsonyoursuccess.Welldeserved.”
“I’mnotsureifasmartasslimedeservesthesuccessit’sgotten,butI’lltakeit.”

Shetapsmyleg.“Youdeserveit.It’sfunnyandquitecatchy.Justtaketheaccolades.”
“Thanks.”
Lookingovermyshoulder,sheleansinandwhispers,“I’mskippingoutofhereearly,butI’m

meetingafewpeoplefordinnertomorrow.Ifyou’restillinVegas,youshouldjoinus.”

“I’dlovethat.Thanks.”
Shestandsupandgrabsthepapersinfrontofher.“Fantastic.I’lltextyouthedetailstomorrow.

I’msogladweranintoeachother.”

“Metoo.Seeyoutomorrow.”
I’mleftsittingalone.WhenIlookaroundtheroom,likeCara,I’mthinkingthatskippingoutearly

mightbethewaytogo.IfIdo,IknowTracywillkickmyass,soIdecidetosufferandgivethisparty
onelastchance.ButIdefinitelyneedadrinkandthelineforthebarinhereisstillwaytoolong.

Iheadforthedoorstobuyadrinkinoneofthemanyhotelbars—anybarwithoutaline.Guy

fromthebarlinejumpsinfrontofmeasItrytoexit,startlingme.“Hey,hey,hey.You’renotleaving
already,areyou?”

Sincemyglareandearlierhintsdidn’twork,Ireply,“I’llbeback,noneedtoworryyourself.”
Hisheadstartsbobbingupanddown,confidently,andabigCheshirecatgrincovershisface.I

startwalkingagainashekeepstalking…again.“Cool.I’llseeyoulaterthen.”

Ifeelnoneedtorespondtothecomeon,andwilltrytoavoidhimwhenIreturn.Followingthe

wide-tiledpaththroughthecasino,whichremindsmeoftheYellowBrickRoad,guidingmetowhat
feelslikeOz,abarinallitsgloriousnesswithnolinesinsite.Insidethedarkenedroom,thesounds
ofthecasinofadeawayascurrenthitsplayoverhead.Stillonamissionforacocktail,Istepuptothe
barandwait.

TocontinuereadingNewYorkTimesBestseller,TheResistance,clickhere:

http://bit.ly/ChoosetheDare

APERSONALNOTE

Awhambamthankyouma’ambeforeIgettoosappy-

Thankyoutomysweethusbandwholetmedisappearintothebiggestpoolofcoffeewhile

writingthisbookandholdingdownthehomelifeuntilIresurfacedwiththisbook.Iloveyou,My
ForeverandaDay.Weare#MFEO

SoonenightIwaswritingandcontactedsomeofmyteamandsaidohbytheway,canyouhelp

read,edit,proofread,createcovers,pulloffareleaseinjustafewdays?

Iloveyouforsayingyes.Youguysaremyrocks,mysupports,myfriends.YouareAWESOME!

Thankyouforalwaysbeingthereforme.SpecialshoutoutstoAdriana,AmyB.,AndreaJ.,Marla,
MicheleC.,Serena,andVirginia,

I’msogratefultoAmy,Andrea,Annette,Kiersten,andKristenforthefun,theentertainment,and

endlesssupportyougiveme.

DearLynsey,youareamazingandsogiving.Thankyouforeverything,thelaughs,thesupport,

thefriendship,thecocktailfun,andsomuchmore.I’msofortunatetobeabletocallyoufriend.Love
you!

DearReadersandBloggers,youmakemyworldahappyplace.Thankyouforyourcontinued

support.Itisnoticedandsoappreciated.XOXOX

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

NewYorkTimesandUSABestsellingAuthor,S.L.Scott,wasalwaysinterestedinthearts.Shegrewuppainting,writingpoetryand
shortstories,andwilingherdaysawaylostinagoodbookandthemovies.

WithadegreeinJournalism,shecontinuedherloveofthewrittenwordbyreadingAmericanauthorslikeSalingerandFitzgerald.She

wasintriguedbytheirflawedcharacterslivinginpictureperfectworlds,butcouldstilldebatethattheworldsthosecharacterslivedin
wereactuallytheflawedones.Thisdynamicofleavingthereaderinvestedinthewords,inspiredScotttostartwritingjourneyswith
emotionwhileinjectinganunderlyingpassionintoherownstories.

LivinginthecapitalofTexaswithherfamily,Scottlovestravelingandavocados,beaches,andcookingwithherkids.She’s

obsessedwithepicromancesandlovesagoodplottwist.Shedreamsofseeingoneofherownbooksmadeintoamovieonedayas
wellasreturningtoEurope.Herfavoritecolorisblue,butshelikensitmoretowardtheskythantheemotion.Herhomeisfilledwiththe
welcomingsymbolofthepineappleandfindssurfingachallengethoughshelikestothinkshe’sapro.

Tokeepuptodatewithherwritingandmore,herwebsiteis

www.slscottauthor.com

ortoreceivehernewsletterwithallofher

publishingadventuresandgiveaways,signupforhernewsletter:

http://bit.ly/SLScottNewsletter

FormoreinformationonS.L.Scott,followheradventureshere:

@slscottauthor

slscottpage

www.slscottauthor.com