SwimmingtoFreedom

ByRobbieMichaels

Once,swimmingwasalaborofloveforBrandon.Nowit’sjustalabor.

When Brandon’s competitive, domineering father decided to cash in on his son’s

hobby, he sucked all the joy out of the sport for his son. Now Brandon’s father spends
everyounceofhisenergytrainingBrandonforonepurpose:Olympicgoldandthechance
toexperiencesuccessvicariouslythroughBrandon.

Brandon falling in love with Tyler, another swimmer, was not part of his father’s

plan.LuckilythetwoyoungmenhaveJoelintheircorner,astraightallywhohelpsthem
find time alone. When Brandon’s father finds out about the relationship, his reaction is
sadly predictable, and soon, Brandon’s new home is beneath a bridge. He finds peace
swimmingintheriver,butfearaswildanimalspassbyhisshelterduringthenight.

But once again, his happiness cannot last. Torrential storms are threatening to wash

awayhisfuture—maybeforgoodthistime.

ThisoneisforShadow,thebestfriendaguycouldeverhavehad.Hewasherewhenthis

onewaswritten,buthehasmovedontoanotherlifenow.

Chapter1—ItWasaColdandStormyMorning

THISMISERABLE

wintermorningwassodamnedcold.No,thatdidn’tdoitjustice.

Asifthecoldalonewerenotenough,thepreviouseveningthewindhadstartedtoblow,
howlinglikeawoundedanimalthrashinginpainandlookingtostrikeoutinretribution.It
feltlikesomeonehadopenedadirectpipelinefromtheNorthPoleandalltheairfromthe
coldestplaceonearthrushedforthtoattackhim.Itwaseasilyoneofthemostbrutaland
bone-chillingdaysoftheyear.Inthedarknessofthepredawnhour,fewpeoplewerecrazy
enoughtobeoutside.

Brandonshivered,feelingthewindslicethroughhim.Itrattledhisbonesashestood

attheendofhisfather’sdrivewayonthisfrigidmorning.Hehadwalkedthequartermile
from the house by leaning into the blast of arctic air to push himself forward, pausing
occasionallywhenhemadenoprogressagainstthefrigidwind,thenmakingmaddashes
betweengusts.

As he waited in the driveway, Brandon could not conceive of anything more brutal

than the wind, which was everywhere—pushing through branches, around parked cars,
againsthousesandbarns,seekingoutcrackstoforceitswayin.Despitewearingseveral
layers of clothing, he could not win against it. As it moved, it picked up thousands of
frozen flakes of snow and ice and threw them at him, like ten thousand small knives
stabbingathisbodymadehypersensitivebytheicyweather.

Thetreebranchesswayed,creakingandgroaning.Afterthefreezingtemperaturesall

week,Brandonassumedthebrancheswerefrozen.Hewonderediftheywouldshatterlike
anicicle.Asifreadinghisthoughts,abranchsnapped,brokeoff,andfelltotheground
somewheretohisright.

If he’d ever needed a reminder of how much he hated winter, this morning was the

best one anyone could possibly need. Temperatures had hovered around ten degrees for
several days, but had dropped overnight as the wind blew in. He couldn’t feel his face,
evenwithascarfwrappedaroundhisheadsothatonlyhiseyeswereleftuncovered.

Ashe’dwalkedpastthetwocarsparkednexttothehouse,he’dlookedlonginglyat

them,wishingthat,likeallhisfriends,liketeenagerseverywhereforthatmatter,hewere
allowed to learn to drive and get a driver’s license. But his dad wouldn’t let him—one
morereasonforhisoverwhelmingunhappinessthismorning.

WherethefuckwasJoel?Ifhedidn’thurryup,Brandonwasgoingtobenothingbut

ashriveledPopsicle.UsuallyBrandon’sdaddrovehimtopractice,buthewasoutoftown
—thankGod—soBrandonhadtocatcharidewithsomeoneelsewhowasupatsuchan
ungodlyhour.Thatgavehimonlyonechoice.Joel.

Joel wasn’t a bad guy; he was actually decent. Except he was never on time for

anything.JoelhadagreedtodriveBrandonbuthadwarnedhimthathe’dprobablybelate

and rushing, and he wouldn’t have time to drive up the driveway. So Brandon had been
outsidewaitingfornearlytenminutesalready,withstillnosignofavehicle.

Brandon hugged himself tightly to preserve what little warmth he had left as he

waited, cursing his ride. Joel was late, and Brandon was partially frozen. He was half
temptedtobagthewholething,runbacktothehouse,andcrawlunderthebedcovers,just
burrowinuntilspring.Butasappealingasthatideawas,heknewitwasonlyafleeting
fantasy.Ifheeverdidthat,hisdadwouldstringhimupandbeathimlikeapiñata.

Thewindzeroedinontheexposedpartsofhisbody.Abouttenminutesearlier,his

eyeshadstartedtotearupfromthecold,andnowthosetearsfrozeonhisface.Finallya
setofheadlightsappearedinthedistance—aboutfuckingtime.Hewatchedthecargoup
and down the hilly areas as it twisted around on the back-country road, then eventually
pullupbesidehim.Thecarhadbarelystoppedbeforehehadhishandouttryingtoopen
thedoor,butitwouldn’topen.Whatfreshhellwasthis?

Brandonheardaclick,andthedooropenedwhenhepulledonitagain.Hejumped

inside,haulinghisbackpackwithhim,beforeslammingthedoorclosed.

Insidethecarwasn’texactlytoastywarm,buttheheaterwasblastingawayandhad

managedtotakethechilloutoftheair.Thecoldwasonlysurpassedbythemusicblaring
fromthespeakers,assaultinghisears.

“Dude!”Joelshoutedabovethemusic.“How’sithanging?”

Brandon was silent for a moment while he waited for feeling to return to his face.

Whenhehadenoughsensationbacktohislipstospeak,heanswered.“It’snothanging.It
fledsouthforwarmertemperatures.Igotapostcardthatsaid,‘Havingagreattime,wish
youwerehere.’”

Joel laughed uproariously. The guy was entirely too energetic for such an early and

horribly uncomfortable hour. Brandon did not understand how Joel or anyone could be
upbeatwhileBrandonwasfeelingsomiserable.

“Ithoughtyou’dforgottenaboutme,”Brandonsaidashefumbledwithnumbhands

trying to find and fasten his seat belt. With Joel’s aggressive driving, the seat belt was
definitelyanecessity.

“No,Iwouldn’tdothat,dude.Gotdelayedacoupleofminutesgettingoutthehouse

this morning. My damned sister was hogging the bathroom. You remember Laura, don’t
you?” Without waiting for an answer, Joel just continued. “It sucks only having one
bathroom.Usuallynooneelseisupthisearly,butforsomereasonshewasinthereand
shewouldnothaulherass,nomatterhowmuchIpoundedonthedoor.Ithinkshe’dbeen
outdrinkingwithfriendslastnightandwaspukinghergutsout.

“It really pissed off my old man, let me tell you,” he said with renewed laughter,

presumablyforhavingfoundawaytoangerhisfather.“Ifinallygaveupandtookawhiz
outside before I got into the car. It’s usually not a problem doing that outdoors, but this
morningInearlyfrozemydickoff.Youwanttofeelcold,well,letmetellyou,tryhauling
outyour dick in this cold and this fucking wind. And I swear that when I peed, it froze
beforeithittheground.”

Brandon could not imagine such a world—not the world of peeing outside—he’d

donethatlotsoftimes.WhatBrandoncouldnotimaginewaslaughingaboutupsettinghis
father.Intheirhousehold,hisfatherdemandedthingshiswayandtoleratednoquestions
tohisauthority.Therewasnodiscussion,nodebate,andnonegotiation.

“Where’syouroldman?”Joelaskedashetookacornertooquickly,slidingonthe

slickstreetbutquicklycorrecting.

“He’sinFlorida.Hegetstogetherwithsomeoldcollegebuddies,andtheyplaygolf

foraweekeverywinter.”

“Andhedidn’ttakeyou?Whythefucknot?”Joeldemanded,soundingoutragedthat

Brandon’sfatherhadlefthimbehindwhilehehadgoneawayonawarmvacation.

“Well, let’s see,” Brandon said. “One, there is no way in hell my dad would let me

miss swimming practice. Two, my dad would never spend the money for me to go with
him.He’sthecheapestSOBaround.Andthree,henevertakesmewhenhegoesaway.”

“That sucks,” Joel said. “But your dad has money. Everybody knows that. He’s got

moremoneythanjustabouteverybodyelsearoundhere.”

“Itdoesn’tmatter,”Brandonsaid.“Exceptforthecold,I’mgladtohavehimgone.”

He was beginning to thaw a little bit as the warmth of the car cocooned him, wrapping
himinitscomfort.

“Why do they insist on having us practice so fucking early when we’re on winter

break? That’s what I’d like to know,” Joel asked him, as if Brandon had any more of a
cluethanJoeldid.

“Maybethestaffwanttogetitoverwithsotheycanlockupandgohomeandhave

mostoftheirdayofftothemselves,”Brandonoffered.

“Whatever it is, it sucks. I wanted to sleep in. We’re on fucking break,” Joel

complained.“Whatyougotdoingtherestoftheday?”

“Nothing.Justgoingbackhome.Mydadleftalistofchoresformetofinishbefore

he gets back on Saturday, so I’ll work on them, probably read some, maybe watch
somethingstupidonTV,stufflikethat.”

“Wanttogotothecitywithme?”Joelsaidcasually.

The idea of doing stuff like other teens, of going off to the city with Joel, was

overwhelming.WhatBrandonwouldn’tgivetobeabletobewithguyshisownage,with
noagenda,nodemands,noexpectations,tojustbe,tohavefun—butthatwasn’tpossible.

“Can’t,” Brandon said. He knew he should keep his mouth shut, keep quiet, but he

couldn’tstophimself.“IreallywishIcould.”

“Whynot?”Joelasked.

“My dad will be calling the house after practice to check up on me. He calls every

morning,afternoon,andeveningtomakesureI’mthereandthatheknowswhereIamand
whatI’mdoing.”

“Oh,pleasetellmeyou’rekidding,”Joelsaid,alookofabsolutehorroronhisface.

“Nope,” Brandon said. “He calls. He expects me there to answer the phone. He

monitorsmeallthetime,especiallywhenhe’soutoftown.”

“Can’thecallyourcell?”Joelasked.

“Idon’thaveone”wasBrandon’ssimpleanswer.“Hewon’tspendthemoneytobuy

one.HesaysthemonthlyserviceplanscosttoomuchandthatIdon’tneedone.”

“He’sgotenoughmoneytoflyhimselftoFloridaforaweekofgolfeverywinter,not

to mention the other trips he takes—all without you, I’ll add—but he doesn’t have the
money to buy you a cell phone? That’s nuts, man. That’s seriously fucked-up.
Everybody’s got a phone. Hell, even my grandma has a cell phone, and she texts
everybodyallthetimeonittoo.Didyoulosetherighttoitassomekindofpunishment?”

“Nope.I’veneverhadone.Mydadwon’tallowit.Hesaiditwouldonlydistractme

fromtraining.”

“That’ssuchbullshit,”Joelsaid.

“Yeah, well, you try to tell him that,” Brandon said in frustration at his impossible

situation.Hewasn’tabouttogoupagainstthebeastthatwashisfather,butifanyoneelse
wantedto,theycouldhaveatit.

“So basically, while he’s off living the good life in a five-star resort in the warmer

weather,eatinggreatfood,drinkingexpensivewines,andshitlikethat,you’regonnabea
prisonerinyourownhomeforthisentireweek-longbreakfromschool?”

Brandondidn’tliketothinkofitthatway,butthatwasbasicallywhatitamountedto

—he was a prisoner, with few rights and lots of expectations. He remained silent, not
wantingtostartthatconversationbecauseitwouldn’tdoanygood.

“Yeah” was all he finally said, barely in a whisper. Then a moment later he softly

addedfourotherwords.“Welcometomylife.”

Joelwasbyhisverynatureafastdriver.Sincetheirswastheonlycarontheroadat

that very early hour, Joel was moving faster than the road conditions dictated. At the
currenttemperature,notreatmentappliedtotheroadsurfacescoulddealwiththeice.

“Slowdownalittle,wouldyouplease?”Brandonasked,concernedabouthowthey

wereslidingallovertheplace.

“IknowwhatI’mdoing.I’vebeendrivingonthisshitallmylife.”

“Dude,you’reseventeen,soyou’vebeendoingitlegallyforoneyear.”

“I’vebeenbehindthewheelofcarssinceIwastwelveyearsold,longbeforeIhad

mylicense.I’vebeendrivingformorethanfiveyearsalready,soIknowwhatI’mdoing.”

“I wouldn’t call that ‘all my life,’ so slow down, please. If I die on this trip to the

pool,mydadwillpersonallykillyou.”

“AndwhatifIdietoo?”Joelarguedwithasmile.

“Hewillhuntyoudownandhauntyouforalleternityfortakinghistickettothebig

timeawayfromhim.”

Brandonguessedthatimagedidthetrick,becauseJoelslowedtoamorereasonable

speed for the current conditions. Had they both not lived so far from the school, they
wouldhavehadamucheasiertriptothemorningtraining,buttheywerebackinthehills,
eightmilesfromwhatpassedforcivilization.

“We’regonnabelate,”Joeltoldhimwitharesignedshakeofhishead.

“Betterlatethandead,”Brandonshotback.“Andwewouldn’thavebeenlateifyou

hadn’tbeendelayedleavingthismorning.”

“Yeah,yeah,yeah.Woulda,coulda,shoulda.Inearlyfrozemydickoffasitwasto

getovertopickyouup.”

“And your dick and I appreciate you rescuing us from the cold,” Brandon

volunteered.

Two minutes later Joel parked his car beside the only other car at the school pool.

With his hand on the key prepared to turn off the ignition, he looked at Brandon and
asked,“Ready?”

“Hellno,”Brandonsaidloudlyandwithnohesitation.“I’monlynowgettingfeeling

backintosomepartsofmybody.”

“It’s gotta be done, dude. Here goes. Three, two, one, go!” Joel turned off the car,

yankedouthiskey,threwhisdooropen,andjumpedoutofthewarmth.

Brandonfollowedacoupleofsecondsbehindhim.Theymadeamaddash,quickly

coveringthefiftyyardsbetweenthemandthepoolbuilding’sentrance.

Chapter2—Practice,Practice,Practice

ASSOON

astheysteppedinside,thecoldwaseasilyforgottenasthewarm,moistairof

thepoolbuildingenvelopedthem.Thesteadyhumofthefluorescentlightsdisplacedthe
gloominessthey’dbeeninandcreatedasenseofsafety.

Theyhadbeenthroughthisroutinesomanyhundredsoftimesovertheyearsthatit

waspracticallyinstinctatthispoint.Colddays,hotdays,andallkindsofdaysinbetween,
theypracticedonallofthem.

Both guys were running more or less on autopilot as they made their way into the

men’s locker room to change out of their street clothes and into their Speedos. Brandon
surreptitiouslycastaquickglancetowardJoelashisfriendslippedoutofhissweatpants
before pulling on his swimsuit. He was quietly pleased Joel had been going commando
today,justashedidmostmornings.

EventhoughBrandonhadseenJoelnakedlotsoftimes—probablyhundredsoftimes

bythatpoint—hecouldn’thelpbutcheckouttheheftofhisfriend’sendowment,which
was,asheexpected,alittleshrunkennow,mostlikelyasadefenseagainstthecoldthey’d
just been in not sixty seconds earlier. Brandon knew that a couple of hours in the warm
waterofthepoolwoulddowonderstomakethingsstretchbackouttowheretheylikedto
be.

He had seen all the other guys on the swim team naked more times than he could

count. But he never passed up an opportunity to look again. There was nothing like the
sightofanicepenistogethismorningofftoagoodstart.Hedreamedofadaywheneach
morningwouldstartnotwiththesightofoneinpassing,butwithapenisandthemanit
wasattachedtoinhisbedforhimtoadmireandenjoy.

Thelargecommunalshowerinthemen’slockerroomgaveBrandonlotsofguysto

checkout,andhenevertiredofcarefullylookingaround.

Therewasalsotheonetimeheandabunchoftheguyshadusedakeytogetintothe

poolat2:00a.m.onesummernight.Thatnightthey’dallswamwithoutanythingon,just
guysbeingguys.Therewassomethingmagicalandotherworldlyaboutthatswim,partly
becausethemainlightsinthepoolareawereoffandtheonlyilluminationcamefromthe
underwaterlightscirclingthepool.

Brandon liked guys. He dreamed about them. He fantasized about them. He

masturbatedtomemoriesofmenandhe’dbeenaround.Herememberedeveryguy—and
penis—he had seen and could pull up from memory who had a big one and who had a
smallerendowment.Hecouldrecalltheshapesofeach,thewaytheyhungout,andeven
whowascutandwhowasuncut.

He especially remembered the few times some of the other swimmers had popped

wood in the locker room or in the shower. He’d felt bad for them when that happened
because he knew the damned things had minds of their own and didn’t care where they
poppedtheirheadsup.Evenworse,everyoneoftheguysintheroomdoingtheteasing
knew the same thing. He couldn’t understand why they were picking on the unfortunate
guywhosedickdecidedtostretchitselfout.Itcouldjustaswellhavebeenoneofthem.

Brandonshookhisheadtobreakhiscurrenttrainofthoughtandtoshovetheimage

ofmalegenitaliaaway.Hisownwastakinganinterestinhisthoughts,andheprofoundly
couldnotpopawoodyinthelockerroom—eveniftheonlyotherpersonintheroomwas
Joel, who was probably running on autopilot too. Brandon had been fortunate that his
interestinpeniseshadnevercausedhimtogetanerectioninthelockerroom.Thewaythe
guysteasedandtauntedthosewhodid,madehimespeciallygratefulforthat.

Switching back into practice mode, Brandon quickly pulled on his own Speedo,

takinganextramomenttotucktheaddedgirthandlengthofhisslightlyswollenmember
asbesthecould.Hegrabbedhisgogglesandimmediatelymadehiswayaroundthecorner
andoutofthelockerroom.

ThebigpoolwassoinvitingtoBrandon.Fromhisearliestmemories,thewaterhad

been a safe place for him, a place where he found pleasure when none could be found
anywhereelse.Thepoolwashissanctuarywherenothingcouldfollowhimorhoundhim.
Inthepool,hecouldlosehimselfintherhythmofdoinglaps,orthemonotonyofgoing
backandforth,whethersloworfast.

The pool was also where he came to work off his frustration, to build his formerly

scrawnybodyintosomethingmoremuscularandhopefullyworthyofsomeguytakinga
second glance sometime before he grew old. And over time the pool was where he
excelled. It was the one place where he outperformed every other guy. It was where
Brandon became someone to pay attention to, someone who won competitions and
awards.

He hadn’t set out to win anything. He swam for himself because it was fun and

relaxing,butwhenotherstoldhimhewasgood,hetriedcompetingandfounditnotthat
difficult.Onethingledtoanother,andhewaspartofateam,hispresencehelpingthemdo
betterthantheyeverhadbefore.

And then his father noticed and got involved, and it all went to hell in a hurry. But

that was something he could think about another time. The water called to him, so he
quicklyslippedintohisusuallaneattheshallowend,dippedhisheadunderwatertoget
wet all over, donned his goggles, and started his first lap. He started at a slow, leisurely
pace, without any attention to style or stroke—that would come later. Stroke, kick, turn,
breathe,stroke,kick.

Morning practice was all about building endurance. For two hours every single

morning,hedidlapafterlaptoteachhismuscleshowtoperformashewantedthemto,as
heneededthemto.

Forthosetwohours,healsolearnedhowtobreatheandhowtocontroltheburninhis

muscles,whichcreptintotheforefrontofhisfocusashepushedhimself—orusuallyas
hisfatherpushedhim—tooutperformwhatthehumanbodycouldnormallydo.

Withtheeaseofacreaturethatlivedinthewater,whenhereachedtheotherendof

the pool, Brandon automatically flipped over underwater and immediately pushed off to
start the return lap. Over the next two hours, that was his entire world. Swim one
direction,turnaroundandswimbacktowherehestartedandthenreturn—thesamething
overandoverandoveragain.Hehaddonesomanylapsthatheknewinstinctivelywhen
he’dreachedtheotherside.Withoutevenopeninghiseyes,hesensedwhenitwastimeto
touchthewallandflipoverandstartthereturnlap.

Brandonwasusuallyveryfocusedduringendurancetraining.Hewasoneofthefew

peopleontheteamwhodiditwithoutcomplaint.Butforsomereason,todayBrandon’s
mindwasallovertheplace.HekeptflashingbacktothememoryofseeingJoel’sdickas
they’d changed in the locker room. He wished there had been more guys in the locker
roomsohecouldquicklyglanceatthem,evenifhe’dseenthemallbefore.Henevertired
ofseeingdick.Dicksweresometimesallhethoughtabout.

“Dude!”

Brandon looked all around at the sound of the voice. He’d been totally inside his

head,insidehisownworld,andwasstartledtohearanyoneelse.

“Huh?”

“What’s going on with you today? You looked a million miles away. Did you hear

anythingIjustsaidtoyou?”

“Sorry,”Brandonsaid.Theybothrestedagainsttheendofthepool.“Didyouaskme

something?”

“Ijustsaidhowgreatitwastoswimwithoutallthatyellingweusuallyhavetoputup

with.It’slikeatotallydifferentexperiencethismorning.It’ssogloriouslyquiet.”

“What?Oh,right.”Ofcourse.ThatwaswhyBrandon’smindwaswanderingsomuch

—hisfatherwasn’tthere.ItwasararemorningwhenBrandongottobecomeonewiththe
waterlikeheoncehad.Hadhisfatherbeenthere,hewouldhavebeenconstantlyshouting
orders,issuingcommands,pushingandcajolinghissontopickupthepace,todomore,
andtotryharder.Twohours“training”withhisfatherwasruggedbecausethemannever
cut him any slack. He was like a drill sergeant, convinced the only way to get any
performance out of Brandon was to yell at him, give him orders, hound him, and
constantlyberatehimfornottryinghardenough.

Butthismorningitwasquiet,blessedlyquiet.Andthatwaswhyhismindwandered

so much and why his swimming was so much more casual. His father wouldn’t tolerate
Brandonbeingslow,orashesawit,slackingoff.Buthewasn’tthere,soBrandoncould
swimanywayhewanted,andtodayhefeltlikeamorerelaxedpace.

HisfatherdemandedBrandon’sabsolutebestatalltimes,regardless.Brandoncould

rememberafewtimeswhen,foronereasonoranotherovertheyears,he’dbeenoffhis
game.Thosetimes,ratherthancuthimalittleslack,hisfatherhadonlypushedhimthat
muchharder,requiringface-to-facesit-downtalksabouthowmuchhewasdoingforhis
sonandhowswimmingmatteredaboveallelse,thatnothingelsecouldpossiblycompare
towhereswimmingcouldtakehim.

Brandon’s father had big dreams for his son. His father had been a high school

football player. After high school he missed the attention, the praise, and the public
adulationhe’dhadas a young athlete. He’d wanted to go on and do more, but the truth
washejustwasn’tgoodenoughtobreakoutofthepackinanythinghetried.ButBrandon
was. Brandon was an incredible swimmer. He’d always been at home in the water and
couldgofartherandfasterthanalltheotherkidshisagesincehecouldremember.

Whenhisfatherhadsoldhisbusiness,intheprocessmakingaboatloadofmoney—

enough so that he’d never have to work another day in his life—he found himself with
loadsoftimeonhishandsandnotasinglethingtodo.Retirementforadrivenmanwho
wassoyoungjustwasn’trealistic,asBrandon’sdadquicklydiscovered.Hissolutionwas
toworkwithhisson,tomoldhimintoaworld-classswimmerwhocouldcompeteonboth
anationalandaninternationallevel.

Without discussing it with Brandon, his father made plans. He had dreams of

BrandoncompetingintheOlympics,ofhimbecomingthenextRyanLochteorMichael
Phelps.Itdidn’tmatterthathisdaddidn’tknowanythingaboutswimming,didn’tknow
therules,didn’tknowthestandards,anddidn’tknowhowanythingworked.Butheknew
howtodrivehisemployeestoworkhard.Sohetransferredhispent-upalpha-maleenergy
from his business toward his son. Overnight Brandon became his father’s sole focus. It
wasthatdaythatBrandon’slifechanged.

Brandonlovedswimming.Helovedthewater—healwayshad.Buthedidn’tfeelthe

sameneedtocompeteagainsteveryoneovereverythinglikehisfatherdid.Hisfatherhad
alwaysbeendriven,whichwaswhyhiscompanygrewatbreakneckspeed,crushing his
competitors.Thatwassimplythewayheworked.Hecompetedineverythinganddidn’t
think something was successful unless he outperformed, out-whatevered everyone else.
Brandonhadseenhimgleefuloverdrivingacoupleofothercompaniesoutofbusiness.
ThatnightBrandonhadnearlybeennauseated.Hisfatherwasactuallyecstaticthathe’d
driven businesses into bankruptcy and had forced several dozen people out of work and
ontounemployment.Whilehisfatherbragged,Brandonworkedhardtokeepapokerface
thathidhowhereallyfelt.

“Yo,dude,youstillwithme?”

“Sorry,” Brandon apologized. “What you said, about it being quiet, I guess I’ve

noticedittooandletmymindwanderontootherstuffforonce.”

JoelflashedthefullbrillianceofhissmileBrandon’swayandsaid,“Well,dreamon,

myman.”

BrandonwasgladhewasinthewatersoJoelcouldn’tseethewayhisSpeedowas

startingtotent.Hewasn’tespeciallyattractedtoJoel.Therewasnothingwrongwithhim
at all, and Brandon would have done him in a heartbeat, but Joel was straight. Calling
Brandon“myman,”meantonethingtoJoel,butBrandon’sdickheardsomethingentirely
different.HewasdelightedwhenJoeltookoffdownhislane,gettingbacktopractice.

Hetookanothermomenttoenjoythesilence.Itwassuchanabsolutereliefforonce

to not have the constant harping, the constant critical nagging that he usually had. For
BrandonitwasalmostasifChristmas,Easter,andtheFourthofJulyhadallbeenrolled
togetherintoonegrandholiday.Hewantedtowallowinthemoment,torelishit,buthe

knewitwasonlytemporary,andinjustalittlemorethanaweek,itwouldallbeoverand
theywouldreturntotheirpriorpattern.

Brandontookadeepbreathandpushedoffaswell.Timetogetbacktorealityand

backtowork.

Chapter3—TheCalmbeforetheStorm

THEONLY

thing that had changed when they finished practice was there was some

light in the sky. The temperature had not budged a frigging degree and the wind most
certainlyhadn’tcalmedany.

Brandon and Joel made the dash to Joel’s car no less quickly than they had earlier.

Theonlydifferencenowwasthecarhadn’tbeenrunninglongenoughtowarmupwhen
Brandonhoppedinside.Atleastthecloseddoorsstoppedthewindfromcuttingthrough
them like a knife—a very sharp, very long knife that seemed intent on slicing straight
throughhisbodyasifhewasn’twearinganyclotheswhatsoever.

“Fuck!”Brandonsworeloudly.

“Idon’tthinkI’veeverheardyousaythat,”Joelcommentedwithanadmiringsmile.

Instantlyembarrassed,Brandonblushedandlookeddown.“Sorry.Ican’tsaywords

likethatwhenmydad’saround.Hedoesn’tpermitit.”

“Thatdoesn’tmakeanysenseatall,”Joelcomplained.“I’veheardhimsaythatanda

lotofsimilarwordshundredsoftimesduringastandardpractice.Whyisitokayforhim
toswearbutnotforyou?”

“He says that it isn’t proper for an Olympian to swear, that cameras are always

aroundrecordingstuffwhenyougettothatlevelandpeoplearealwayslookingfordirt,
lookingforawaytotripyouupandtomakeyoulookbad.AnOlympianmustalwaysbe
on his best behavior because you never know when someone is watching, listening, and
worstofallrecording.”

“Dude, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not an Olympian. You’re a high school

student. You swim good and all, but that’s a long ways from being an Olympic
competitor.”

“I know that. But he says it’s important to practice now so that it becomes second

naturetobehaveproperlywhenIdobecomeanOlympian.”

“Heseemsprettyconfidentinyou.”

“Heknowswhathewants,”Brandoncommentedquietly.

The heater in the car finally started to pump out a little warmth, but not enough to

forceoutthecoldthatseemedtoinhabitBrandonrightdowntohiscore.

“Whataboutwhatyouwant?”Joelaskedastheysatintheidlingcar.Thequestion

caughtBrandonoffguard.“Whatdoyouwant,man?”

Brandon turned to stare at Joel, his mouth slightly open. “No one… no one’s ever

askedmethatbefore.Idon’tknowhowtoanswerthatquestion.”

“It’s a simple question, dude. Everybody wants something. Everybody has a dream

forthemselves,evenifit’sburieddeepinsideandneversharedwithanotherlivingsoul.
Sowhatisitthatyouwant?”

“I… I don’t know,” Brandon said softly. He actually did know. Brandon did have a

dream,butitwasapersonaldreamthatwouldremainburiedwhereitwasandnotbrought
outandparadedaroundforpublicconsumption.TherewasnowayBrandonwasgoingto
tell Joel that his dream was to meet a man and find the love of his life, someone with
whom he could share the ups as well as the downs. Someone who would love him and
whohecouldlove,someonetowakeupnexttoeverymorning,someonewithwhomto
makemadandpassionateloveeverynight.

“ThattellsmeallIneedtoknow,”Joelcommented.

As Joel drove them back toward home, he thankfully did so at a more sane speed,

since this time they didn’t need to rush to be somewhere. While he drove, Joel talked
about some of the things he was considering doing in the city that day, the stores he
wanted to go to, the things he wanted to look at, and the things he planned to buy, the
moviehewantedtosee,afriendhewantedtodropinontoseeifhecouldfindheralone
andtalkherintosex.

Brandon half listened, enough to know that he was intensely jealous, not just about

thesexbutabouteverything.Theideaofbeingabletodeterminehisownpathforeven
onedaywassoforeigntohimBrandonjustcouldn’tcomprehendit,asJoelbabbledon.
Heheardenoughtoknowwhenapolitenodofhisheadwascalledfor,orwhentomutter
awordinacknowledgmenttosomethingJoelhadsaid.

Since they were not rushing quite so much, Joel actually drove up Brandon’s

drivewayasfarashecould.Itwasn’tentirelyshoveledoutyet.ThatwasoneofBrandon’s
chores, but the cold weather had made extended bouts of shoveling highly unappealing.
Heknewhehadtogetitalldonebeforehisfatherreturned,butthatwasn’tanytimesoon.

“Sametime,sameplacetomorrow?”Joelasked.

Brandonsighed.“Yeah,Iguess.”

“Sureyoudon’twanttogowithmetoday?”

“Youdon’tknowhowmuchIwishIcould,butIcan’t,”Brandonsaid,feelingasifhe

boretheweightoftheworldonhisshouldersandwasabouttocollapseundertheload.

Joel was usually bold and boisterous, but for once he was quieter. He looked at

BrandonwithanunderstandingthattoldBrandonhegotit.“Allright,man,butsometimes
Ithinkyouneedtostrikeoutonyourownandjusttellhimtofuckoff.”

Brandon laughed, but it was not jolly, joyful laughter but was instead filled with

sadness. He thought of that frequently but knew he would never be bold enough to do
something like that. There was one absolute, undisputed alpha male in his house, and it
sureashellwasn’tBrandon.Hewasdefinitelythebetaoreventheomegamaleintheir
house,butitwasaroleheknewwellsincehe’dalwaysoccupiedtheexactsameposition,
evenwhenJeremy,hisolderbrother,hadstillbeeninthepicture.They’dneverhadany
problems,justsolongasitwasclearthatJeremywastheolderbrother.Brandonmissed

him,eventhoughtheyhadn’tbeenespeciallyclose.Hestilltothisdayhadnocluewhat
hadgonedownbetweenJeremyandtheirdad,butwhateveritwas,onedayJeremywas
thereandthenthenexthewasgone,andhisdadwasmorepissed-offthanusual.Brandon
couldstillrememberhisdad’swords,“Wewillnotspeakofhimagain.”Brandonshook
hisheadatthememory—hisdadsurehadproblemswithcontrolissues.

SWIMMINGBURNED

alotofcaloriesandalwaysleftBrandonhungry.Sothefirst

thinghedidoncehegothomewascookandeatahugebreakfasttoreplenishhisbody’s
fuel.Afterwardheimmediatelywashedthedishes,somethingsecondnatureatthispoint.

He did allow himself one luxury—he sat down on the sofa and tackled some of a

novelhewassupposedtoreadforhisEnglishclass.Itwasduerightafterthebreak,sohe
wantedtotrytoknockitoutasquicklyaspossible.Theonlyproblemwasthebookwas
tough to read, not something that could be called a real page-turner. He knew it was a
classic, but did it have to be so damned boring and slow to develop? And why couldn’t
theywritewordsthatmadesense?

Heverynearlydozedofffromboredombutwasrescuedbytheringingtelephone.He

grabbedforthephone,whichsatnearby,andsaid,“Hello?”

“Brandon, it’s your father.” The voice immediately launched at him. “Did you

practicethismorning?”heaskedwithanaccusingtonetohisvoice.

“Ofcourse,”Brandonsaid.

“Ibetyouslackedoffwithoutmetheretorideyourass,didn’tyou?”

“NotthatI’mawareof,”Brandonofferedbutknewitwouldn’tcarryanyweightwith

his father, whose mind was clearly already made up on the subject. He wasn’t sure his
father even heard the words Brandon said, but he had to try. “I practiced just like I do
everymorning.”

“Iswear,Ineedtorideyoueveryminutetomakeyoudowhatyouneedtodo.This

isn’t a game, Brandon. This is real life and real life requires a lot of work and a lot of
sacrifice.”

As his father babbled on in one of his standard speeches, all of which seemed to

automaticallyassumeBrandonwasadisreputableslackerwhoneededconstanthounding,
scolding,andharassment,Brandon’smindwanderedabit.Heevengrewsoboldastotry
toreadanotherpageofthehorriblebookstillinhishand.

“Are you listening to me?” his dad asked, a fairly standard question from the man,

whichgotastandardanswer.

“OfcourseIam,Dad.”

“You better. Tomorrow morning I want you to practice and give it your all. You

cannotslackoffjustbecauseI’mnottheretocrackthewhip.Themoregroundyoulose,
then the harder we’ll have to work when I get back to make up that lost ground, so do
yourselfafavoranddotheworknow.”

Without any comment about how everything else was going or how golf in Florida

wasorevenwhattheweatherwaslikethere,Brandon’sdadfinishedhisspeechandhung
up.Brandon’sobligationforthemorningwasnowcomplete.Well,mostly.

Tossinghisbookaside,Brandonreluctantlybundledupinmanylayersandwentback

outsidetotrytoknockoutsomemoreofthedriveway.Shovelingtheheavysnowwasn’t
muchfunevenatthebestoftimes,butdoingsointhecoldandwiththeconstant,biting
wind chasing him made the chore seem ten times harder, which was why Brandon had
beentryingtodotheworkinsmallchunks.

Despite the weather, though, Brandon wanted to get the job done and be rid of that

weight hanging around his neck, so he pushed on. While he didn’t complete the entire
thing, he got more than half of what was left. One more good trip outside later in the
afternoonandhewouldbedone.Butitwasn’tgoingtohappenatthemomentbecausehis
muscles ached from shoveling on top of his efforts in training. Practically crawling,
Brandonreturnedtothehousetograbsomethingforlunchbeforelyingdowntoread.And
thatwaswhenandwherehepromptlyfellasleep.

Chapter4—Interrogation

THE FOLLOWING

morning there were a few other swimmers at the pool when

BrandonandJoelgotthere.OneofthemwassomeoneBrandonrecognizedandknewof,
eventhoughhedidn’tpersonallyknowhim.Hewasacompetentswimmerbutcertainly
wasnotworld-classmaterial.

The other swimmer was a new guy, someone Brandon did not recognize. Brandon

couldn’thelpbutlookatthemansincehelookedlikeaglisteninggodasherosefromthe
waterandwalkedslowlytowardthem,onehandgoingtohisheadtosweephisblack,wet
hairfromhiseyes.Themanhadaswaggerthatcamewithlookingasgoodashedid.

Whoeverhewashehaditall.Upperbodystrengththatcamefromswimming,lower

bodydevelopmentfromthesame,buthealsohadabsandpecsthatwouldmakeanyman
envious.Hepracticallyrippledashemoved.Brandontried,buthecouldn’ttearhiseyes
away.Allhecoulddowasstare.Hewasluckyhedidn’tdrool.

Itturnedouttheguywasn’twalkingtowardthemsomuchashewasheadedforthe

waterfountainlocatedbehindthem.Stillapparentlyinhisownpersonaltrainingzone,all
heofferedwasacasual“Hey,”ashepassedbytogetadrinkbeforeheadingbacktothe
pool.

As he slipped into the pool, Brandon kept an eye on the stranger and his gorgeous,

goldenbody.Hewantednothingmorethantorunhishandsoverthatbody,followedby
running his tongue right along the same area. He wanted to lick the two perky nipples
sittingproudlyontheguy’ssmooth,hairlesschest.Hewantedtonipandnibbleatthemto
see what that felt like, to see what they tasted like, to see how they responded to the
stimulation.Hewanteditall.Butheknewhecouldn’tdoanyofit.Hisfantasieswerejust
that—fantasiesthatwouldhavetoremainlockedawayinsidehismindforever.

One impediment to his fantasy ever becoming reality was that the focus of his

attentionwasarealhonest-to-goodnessadultmale.Hewasn’tateenagerlikehimandJoel
andthe other guyson the swimteam. This guy wasa full-grown andhot as blue blazes
adult. He had a man’s face, a man’s intensity, a man’s body, and a man’s muscles. And
Brandonwouldhavesacrificedjustabouteverythinghehadtobeabletofeelthatbody,to
run his hands over it slowly, softly. He wanted to explore all the different parts of it, to
checkouteverynookandcranny.Hekickedhimselffornotcheckingouttheguy’scrotch
when he’d had the chance, but he’d been so taken by the sight of everything above the
waistthattheideahadcompletelyslippedhismind.

Shoving his fantasies to the back of his mind, rearranging his mutinous dick as

discreetly in his Speedo as possible, Brandon put his head down and went back to
swimminglaps.Thereweretimeswhentrainingwasgoodforsomething.Inthiscase,for
takinghismindoffthegodofamanwhosharedthepoolwiththemnow.

Brandondidallowhimselfoneindulgence.Whenhesawthestrangergettingoutof

the pool—damn, but he had one fine-looking ass—Brandon gave him a few minutes
before deciding he needed to take a quick trip to the locker room himself. He’d find an
excuse once he got there. But for the chance to see the man without his swimsuit on,
Brandonwouldcomeupwithsomeplausibleexcuse.

Insidethelockerroom,hestoppedandlistenedcarefully,buttherewerenoshowers

running.Okay,sohismanwasn’tthatfarintothepostswimprocess.Brandonwalkedinto
themainbodyofthearea,whichwasbasicallyabigboxofaroom.Butdamn!Theguy
wasn’t there. Where was he? Brandon couldn’t have missed him. He couldn’t have
changed,dressed,andleftthatfast.

ButthenBrandonheardoneoftheurinalsflushandknewwheretheobjectofhislust

had gone. He decided he should pee as well, so he turned and headed in that direction,
hoping the stranger had stopped there on his way to the shower. He wouldn’t, after all,
leavewithoutshowering.Everyonewhoswaminthepoolhadtoshowerafterwardtoget
rid of the chlorine smell. There was nothing worse than feeling and smelling your skin
coveredinallthedriedchemicalsusedtokeepthepoolsanitary.

FromtheurinalsBrandonwasabletoseeintotheshowers,and…bingo!Therewas

theguyinallhisglory,andwhatalotofgloryhewas.Brandontookadvantageoftheman
holdinghisheadbackandallowingthewatertocascadeoverhisbodytotakeinthefull
view,tosoakitallin.

Therewasnodisputingthefactthatthemanhadagreatbody.

“Can I help you with something?” Brandon suddenly heard, the voice pulling him

fromhisreverie.

He shook himself free of his fantasizing and looked around. It was the man he had

beenstaringatwhospoketohim.Ohcrap.HewaslookingdirectlyatBrandon.

“I’msorry,”Brandonsaidquickly.“I’msorry,butmymindwasamillionmilesaway.

WasIdoingsomethingweird?PleasetellmeIwasn’t.Thathappenstomesometimes,”he
deliberatelybabbled.“Igetanideainmyhead,andmymindjustrunswithit,regardless
ofwhereIamorwhatI’mdoing.IfIwasdoinganythingstupid,I’msorry.”Hetriedto
lookapologeticallytowardthenakedstranger.

“No,” the man said with a smile that just about made Brandon weak in the knees.

“Nottoworry.Notaproblem.Idothattoosometimes.”

Brandonwantedtoturnaroundandleave,toflee,torunattopspeedtogetthehell

out of there, but he was frozen in place, which was bad because the hot naked guy was
walking directly toward him. For all Brandon knew, the guy was going to punch him in
thefaceforhavingtheballstostareatanotherguy,himinparticular.

Butratherthanpunchhim,thestrangerstuckouthishandandsmiled.“Hi,Isawyou

practicingoutthere.I’mXander.”

Brandontookthehand,marvelingatthefirmnessoftheshake,tryingdesperatelyto

keep his eyes focused on Xander’s face, or at least anything from the waist up. That
proved to be surprisingly not that difficult because Xander had a mesmerizing appeal.

Brandoncouldn’ttearhiseyesaway.

It took every ounce of focus he possessed to come up with something to say, but

Brandondidit.“Areyoutrainingforsomething?Areyougoingtocompete?”

“Oh, no, I don’t swim professionally,” Xander answered with another of his killer

smiles.Brandonsurewasasuckerforagoodsmile.

“Youlookedgoodoutthere,”Brandonsaid.

“Thanks. I appreciate that. I swim to keep in shape. I like to run, but it gets to my

knees, and besides, there is no way I’m running outside on the snow and ice with the
temperatures so damned low. I used to try, but then I said, ‘fuck it’ and switched to
swimming.”

“Ihearthat,”Brandonsaid,chucklinglightlyinagreement.“You’reupbeforemost

people,”heobserved.

“I like to get a good forty minutes of swimming in before I head to the hospital to

startmyshift.WhenIgoonduty,I’mtherefortoolonganddon’thavetheenergytoeven
thinkaboutswimmingorexercisingattheendoftheday.Andbesides,therearesofew
peoplehereinthemorningthatit’sperfect.”

“You’rea…what?Anurse?Adoctor?”

“I’masurgeon.”

“Asurgeon!Wow.Soyousaveliveseveryday,”Brandongushed.

“No, although my ego sure likes it when you say that,” Xander joked, once again

gracingBrandonwithahugesmile.“Sorry,don’tmeantocutyouoff,butI’vegottoget
finishedandgetoutofhere.Hatetostopagoodconversation,butI’vegotafullcalendar
fortoday.Maybewecantalkmoreanothermorning?”

“Yeah,sure.I’dlikethat,”Brandonsaid,hopinghewasn’tsoundingtoopatheticand

needy.

“Gooddeal,”Xandersaid.

The mere touch of the man’s hand and those long, nimble fingers would have been

like a lightning bolt straight to Brandon’s crotch, so Brandon gave one final glance at
Xanderandthenturnedtoheadbacktothepoolandbacktowork.Hehadtakenabreak,
andhewasn’tallowedsuchthings.ButXanderhadbeenworthit.

THENEXT

morningwhenJoelpickedhimuptoheadtopractice,Brandonwasbarely

awake. When his alarm had gone off, he rolled out of bed, peed, threw on his sweats,
shoes,andoutdoorwear,andstumbledoutthedoortomeetJoel.

Hadhebeenmorealert,BrandonwouldhavenoticedJoelwasalittlemorepensive

today. The music was playing, but even that was issuing forth from the speakers at a
significantlyreduceddecibellevel.

“Sothisweekhasbeengood,”Joelsaid,whichwasperfectlyreasonable.“I’vehada

chancetoseeawholedifferentyou,awholenewsideofyouthatIdidn’tevenrealizewas
there.”

“Okay,”Brandonrespondedslowlyandcautiously,nothavingacluewhatJoelwas

talkingabout.“Youmeanwithoutmydadaround?”

“Yes,butthat’snotall.I’vejustgottentoseemoreofwhoyouare,thingsI’dnever

noticedbefore.Withouthimaround,youletyourguarddownalittleanddosomethings
thatyoudon’tnormallydo.”

“Nobodyreallyknowstherealme,”Brandonsaidinamomentofweakness,instantly

cursinghimselfforhavingsaidtoomuch.

“Whatdoyoumean?”Joelasked.

“There’sjustalottomethatnooneknowsabout,stuff that no one will ever know

about.”

“Soyou’vegotsecrets?”Joelasked.

“Yeah,Iguessso.”

“Dude,we’veallgotsecrets,butnobody’sgotsecretsthatbig.You’reahighschool

student in the middle of nowhere. You can’t have secrets that big. What’d you do? Kill
somebody?”

“What?No!”Brandonobjectedstrenuously.

“There, you see? Nothing that big and bad. We’ve all got things we don’t want

anybodyelsetoknowabout,thingsthatwe’reembarrassedabout.”

“I’m not embarrassed….” Brandon started to explain, quickly stopping himself. He

would not and could not tell anyone about this because it was like his father said, once
somethingwasout,itstayedwithyouforlife.

“Yeah?Goon,”Joelasked.

“No.Somethingsjustneedtostaysecret.”

“Okay,soweruledoutyoukillingsomebody.Let’ssee,what’snext?Didyouroba

liquorstore?”

“No!”

“Robagrocerystore?”

“No,I’veneverrobbedanybodyoranyplace.”

“Okay.Didn’tthinkso.So,doyoutorturesmallanimalsforfun?”

“No.”Brandonwasquicklytiringofthisinterrogation.

“Biganimals?”

“No.”

“Yourapesomebody?”

“GoodLord,no!”Brandonprotested.“Dude,enough.Stopwithallthequestions.I’m

nottellingyou.”

“I haven’t got it out of you yet, so the game must continue. Let’s see, do you keep

voodoodollsofyourfatherandgleefullyshovepinsintoit?”

Brandon didn’t immediately answer, because the idea gave him some momentary

pleasure.“No,butyoumaybeontosomethingthere.”

“Okay, we’ve narrowed the list down considerably. Did you steal a car and go

joyriding,gettingarrestedduringyourjoyride?”

“No.”

Andthenheheardaquestionhehadabsolutelyneveranticipated.“Areyougay?”

Brandon’s head snapped around to look at Joel so fast he nearly gave himself

whiplash. With his eyes wide open, Brandon simply stared at Joel for a moment. Even
thoughhewascold,hisheadwassuddenlywetwithsweat.Heblinkedrapidly.

“What?”hecroakedout.

“That’s it, isn’t it? Got it out of you easier than I thought I would,” Joel declared

gleefully.

“What?No…why…whatdoyou…no…just…,”Brandonbabbledforamoment.

“Dude,”Joelsaidwithasmile,“chill.”

“Please…whywouldyoueveraskmethatquestion?Idon’tunderstand.Pleasedon’t

tellanybody,”Brandonsaid,unwittinglyconfirmingwhatJoelclearlysuspected.

“Noproblem.Butwhyareyousopanickedaboutthis?Alotofguys—andgirls—are

gay,orbisexual.You’renottheonlyone,youknow.Myoldersisterisgay.”

“Please…,”Brandonstartedtobegagain.

“Brandon,calmdown,”Joeltoldhim.“Ofcourse,yoursecretissafewithme.”Joel

wasquietforamoment,stillsmilingatBrandon.“Soyousuckdick,huh?”

“No,”Brandonsaid.

“Youdon’t?Ithoughtallgayguyswantedtosuckdick?”

“Ididn’tsayIdidn’twantto.IsaidIhadn’tdoneit.”

“Soyou’reavirgin.Noproblem.”

“Yeah, sure,” Brandon mumbled, trying to sit as far down in his seat as possible,

wishinghecouldjustdisappear.“Easyforyoutosay.You’vehadsexbefore.AndifI’m
tobelieveevenhalfofthestoriesyoutell,there’snotmanywomenyouhaven’ttriedto
mountinthetri-countyarea.”

“So,ifyouhaven’teversuckedaguy’sdick,howdoyouknowyou’regay?”

YetanotherquestionBrandonwouldneverhaveanticipatedhearingfromhisfriend.

Brandonsatupabitinhisseat,turnedtowardJoelandaskedhimaquestionofhisown.
“Howdoyouknowyouwantto‘bangababe,’asyouputitlastweek?”

“Lookingatawomaniswhatgetsmymotorrunning,youknow?”Joelsmiled,partly

excitedandpartlyembarrassed.

“Sameforme,justsubstituteaguyforyourgirl.”

“Sojustlookingataguygetsyouallhotandbothered?”

“Maybe,” Brandon mumbled softly, still partially horrified that he was having this

conversationaloud.“Dependsontheguy.Itdoesn’tworkwitheveryguy,ofcourse,just
likeI’msurethatnoteverywomangetsyouallfiredup.”

Joel was quiet again. Brandon was coming to hate those times when Joel wasn’t

singingortalkingbecausethequestionsthatfollowedseemedtobethemostprobingand
difficult.

“So,doyougetallhotandbotheredwhenyoulookatme?”Joelteased.“Whenyou

seemenakedinthelockerroom?”

“No,ofcoursenot,”Brandonsaid.

“Whynot?”Joeldemanded.“I’mgood-looking.Mymom’sbeentellingmethatfor

years.I’vegotbunchesofgirlsthatwanttogooutwithme.Sowhat’stheproblemwith
me?I’mnotgoodenoughforyou?Isthatit?”Joelalmostsoundedindignant.

“Joel!Please.You’regreat.You’vegotahotbody.Noproblemthere.”

“Soyou’vecheckedmeout.Okay,good.Butwhydidn’tIpass?”

“You’vegotanicebody.It’sjust….”

“Justwhat?”

“It’sjustthatwe’refriends—andyou’restraight.Youarestraight,aren’tyou?”

“Yes,I’mstraight.I’mallintothebabes.”

“Thenwhyareyousointerestedinmysexlife—orlackofasexlife?”

“Idon’twanttohearthedetails,butIdowanttoknowwhat’swrongwithme?What

isitaboutmethatyoudon’tlike?Wasitmydick?I’vebeentoldit’sabitaboveaverage.I
thinkI’vegotanicedick.Haveyoucheckeditout?”

Blushing, Brandon answered, “Yes, from what I’ve seen, you’ve got a very nice

dick.”

“Well,ifit’snotmydick,thenitmustbesomethingelse.Isitmyass?I’veheardgay

guysarebigintoasses.”

“No,yourassisjustfine.”

“Justfine?Isthatall?”

“It’saveryniceass.Perfectlyshaped,wellmuscled.Itripplesnicelywhenyouwalk

away.”

“So,we’veruledouttwothings.Isit—”

“Enough,”Brandonprotestedloudly.“Please.You’rehot.Justacceptit.Idon’tthink

aboutyou…thatway….ItwouldbelikewantingtosleepwithmysisterifIhadone.”

“Please,brothermaybe.ThereisnowayI’mgonnapretendI’myoursister.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” Brandon said, squeezing his eyes

shutasiftoblockitallout.

“It would be so much easier if I didn’t have to pry every bit of information out of

you,youdoknowthat,right?”

“GoodLord,”Brandonmumbled,shakinghisheadindisbelief.

“So—”

“OhJesus.”Brandonsankdownmore.

“Hush. So if we were strangers and you bumped into me at the pool, say in the

shower,whereIwasallnakedandhot,pumpedfromdoinglapsfortwohours,you’dlook
atmeandwantmethen?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want to hear, then, yes, I’d look at you and want you. I

wouldn’tbeabletoresistyourcharms.”

“Good.” After a further moment of quiet contemplation, Joel asked one final

question.“Haveyouevergottenhardlookingatmeorthinkingaboutme?”

Brandoncouldn’tblushanymorethanhewasatthatmoment.

“Youhave!”Joelgleefullyyelled.“Allright.”

“Areyousureyou’restraight?”Brandonasked.

“Verysure.I’mcomfortableinmymasculinityandinmysexuality,soIcanaskthese

questionsaboutthingsIdon’tknowabout.WhendidImakeyouhard?”

“Please,don’t,”Brandonbegged.

“Toolate.Talk.Hard.You.Meinallmyglorioussplendor.When?Go.”

“Inthepoolonemorning.Youpulledupnexttomeandsmiledatme.You’vegota

killersmile.”

“Mysmile?”Joelasked,lookingoffended.“What?Itwasn’tmydick?Itwasn’tmy

ass?Itwasn’tmyrock-hardabs?”

“Pleasedon’tmakemetalkaboutthis,”Brandonbegged.

“Dude,likethatisgonnahappen.Talk.Youknowthatthelongeryoutakethemore

I’mgonnahoundyou,sojustgoforitandtellmeallaboutit.”

“Yes, you could very easily make me all hot and bothered. I work very hard to not

lookatyouwhenyou’renaked.Itrytonotstareatanyguyinthelockerroom.”Brandon
felthumiliatedtobehavingthisparticularconversation,especiallycomingcompletelyout
ofthebluelikeitwas.He’dhadnotimetopreparehimself.

“Butyoudocheckouttheotherguys,right?Imean,IknowIdo.SoIhopeyouare.”

“Why are you checking out naked guys in the locker room?” Brandon asked. He

followed up with a question he’d already asked. “Are you absolutely sure you’re
straight?”

“Yes, Brandon, I am absolutely sure that I am one hundred percent straight,” Joel

assuredhim.“Everybodychecksouttheotherguysinthelockerroom.Wealllooktosee
howwecomparetotheothernakeddudes.Weallwanttoknowhowwemeasureuptothe
competition.Admitit,youdoittoo.It’sjustaguything.Allguysdoit.Doesn’tmatterif
you’restraightorgayorsomewhereinbetween,allguysdoit.Period.”

“Yeah,ofcourse.ButItrynottostare,justglancequickandlookaway.Ican’tget

caughtlookingatdicks,dude.”

“Okay,Icanseethatforsomeguysthatmightbeaproblem.”

“Butnotforyou,itseems.”

“No,” Joel said, “not for me. I’m more highly evolved on such matters than the

averageman.AndIdon’thaveashyboneinmybody.”

“Orinyourpantsapparently,”Brandonmuttered.

Their conversation had to draw to a close because they had arrived at their

destination, but Brandon was not disappointed to see that happen. This had been an
absolutely unanticipated turn of events. Never had he even dared think about telling
anotherlivingbeingthathewasgay,andespeciallynotateammate.

Fromthetimetheyenteredthepooldoor,Brandonrancompletelyonautopilot.The

smell of the chlorine immediately registered in his brain, and he shifted into training
mode.Hismindstartedtoclearashechangedintohisswimsuit,wethisgogglesbefore
fittingthemintoplaceandslippingintothewarmembraceofthewater.

For the next two hours, Brandon focused on the simple, repetitive routine. Swim a

lap,turnaround,anddoitagain…andagainandagainandagain.Itwasonlybypartially
turning off his mind and by getting into the zone that he was able to do the training
required.

Whentheycrawledoutofthepool,Brandon’smindwasstillpartlydisconnectedand

his body exhausted from extended exertion. Still moving mostly on autopilot, Brandon
grabbedhistowelandsteppedintothesharedshowerspacestillwearinghisswimsuit.

As the hot water started to cascade from the showerhead, Brandon closed his eyes

andsimplyrelishedthefeelofthewaterasitsoothedhistiredmusclesandrinsedsomeof
thechlorinefromhisbody.Ashedidstillmostlybyrote,Brandonslippedhisswimsuit
offwhenithadbeenrinsed,andstartedtosoapupandactuallywash.

Itwasonlywhenhehadrinsedtheshampoofromhishairthatheopenedhiseyesand

noticedJoelwasn’tacrosstheshowerfromhimlikeheusuallywas,butwasstandingat
theshowerimmediatelybesidehisshowerhead.

“I don’t know about you,” Joel began, “but for me that was one hell of a good

workout.”

Joel seemed especially pleased about something. His face was filled with the

excitement of a youngster on Christmas morning. Brandon watched Joel thrust his arms
outtoeachsideasifhewasabouttowraphisarmsaroundsomethinghuge.

And yes, Brandon couldn’t help but instinctively glance down at Joel’s crotch—it

was kind of hard not to. He couldn’t swear to it from such a quick glance, but Brandon
thoughtitwaseversoslightlylargerthanusual.Hewonderedjusthowgoodtheworkout
had been for his friend. Swimming did many things for Brandon, but it had never made
himerect.Infact,hedidn’tknowofthathappeningtoanyoneever.

Joelbabbledasthetwoofthemfinishedshowering.Hecontinuedtalkingexcitedlyas

theyeachgrabbedtheirtowelanddriedthemselvesbeforeheadingbacktotheirlockers.
AsBrandonpulledhisclothesfromhislockerandstartedre-dressing,Joelcontinued.

“Man,thatwaterfeltsogoodthismorning.Idon’tknowaboutyou,butIwaslikea

machine,slicingthroughthewater.”

Joeltossedhistoweldowntosteponanddryhisfeetbutneverstoppedtalking.“I

wasinthezone,man.Myheartratewaspreciselywhereitneededtobe.Idon’tthinkI
evergotwinded.Mytimingwasgood,andIhadnoslipups.Iwaslikeapenguinflying
through the water. On land they’re so awkward, but in the water they’re like ballerinas,
abletomaneuverandpracticallyfly.”

Joelthrusthisarmsouttohissideonceagain.Hisheaddroppedbackasifbaskingin

the adulation of an unseen crowd. Brandon couldn’t help but look again. It was like his
eyesandJoel’sdickweremagneticallyattractedtooneanother.

Joel slowly twirled around in a 360-degree turn, arms still extended. Joel’s butt

wasn’ttooshabbyeither.

Brandon thought Joel might wear down and come back to earth soon. He couldn’t

rememberatimewhenhisfriendhadbeenquitesowiredafteraworkout.Butratherthan
lose steam, he only cranked up the intensity. For whatever reason Joel seemed to be
drawing energy from somewhere as he babbled on, and for some equally mysterious
reason,JoelappeareddeterminedtoshowoffhisbodytoBrandon.

Andthatwaswhenithithim.

“Oh,please,tellmeyou’renot….”

“Notwhat?”Joelaskedwithasmile.

Brandonquicklyturnedtoverifythattheyweretheonlytwoguysinthelockerroom

beforehecontinued.“Pleasetellmeyouarenotdoingthistoteaseme,toflashyour,your,
yourgoodiesatme,togetmetocheckyouout.”

Joel’s smile only got bigger. He now stopped directly in front of Brandon, beaming

with pride or excitement or both. He crossed his arms over his chest and just stood
studyinghisfriend.

“Bran, you are too suspicious. I’m just a poor, dumb country boy. I would never

dreamaboutdoingsomethingliketryingtoshowmygoodbuddythatIamoneawesome
example of manhood that should turn any red-blooded American gay guy on nearly
uncontrollably.”

Brandon grabbed his underwear and thrust his legs through the holes. It was only

when he had some cloth over his genitals that he was willing to turn back and continue
theirconversation.

“Fine,”Brandonadmitted.“Youhaveagreatbody.”

“A great body with a nice package,” he said, gesturing with both hands toward his

crotch.

“Yep.Sure.Anythingyousay.”

He spun around again, showing Brandon his ass. Brandon thought he was prepared

forjustaboutanythingbythatpoint,buthewasnotatallpreparedforJoelraisingoneof
his hands and slapping his own ass sharply. He most definitely wasn’t prepared for the
wayJoelpracticallypurredwithexcitementandsatisfactionfromtheslap.Brandonknew
hehadtogetdressedquickortheevidenceofhowmuchthiswholethingwasaffecting
himwasgoingtobeimpossibletoconceal.

Hegrabbedhispantsandquicklygothimselfdressed.Allthewhile,though,Joelwas

stillnakedandtalkingatBrandon.

“Youarecrazy,”Brandontoldhim.“Youdoknowthat,right?”

“Crazyhot,youmean,right?”Joelaskedwithasmirk.

“Yep,sure.Hot,whynot?”Brandontossedbackathim.

“Andnotjusthot,butsmokin’hot.”

BrandonturnedtoJoelandglaredathim,takingasteptowardhimanddroppinghis

voice so no one else could overhear their conversation, not that there was anyone else
around.

“You’renotgoingtobehappyuntilyou’vegotmefullyhard,areyou?Youdoknow,

don’t you, that that makes you a big old gay cock tease? You know what they are—
someonewhoteasesandtoyswithyouuntilyou’reallworkedup,butwon’tputoutfor
you.Someonewhogetsyouallworkedupandthenleavesyouhighanddry.”

“Withblueballs,”Joeladdedwithasmile.“Yes,actually,nowthatyoumentionit,I

dobelieveIhaveexperiencedthatafewtimes.”

With Brandon staring, Joel dropped one of his hands to his crotch and casually

scratched his balls, in the process, pushing his penis aside with his wrist. When he
finished,hegavehispenisagentleandquicktugbeforeputtinghishandbackononehip.
Brandonpracticallywhimpered.

“Ihateyou,youdoknowthat,right?”

“No,buddy.Youdon’thateme.Quitetheopposite.”

“Whyareyoudoingthistome?”

“Ijustwantedtobesureyouhadachancetocheckoutwhatperfectionlookslikein

themaleform.”HeheldhishandsupsoBrandoncouldhaveafull,unencumberedview
ofJoelandallofhisassets.

“Youaretheworstcockteaseever.NowI’mgoinghomewithblueballs.”

“Beenthere,”Joelcommiserated.Hefinallystartedtogetdressed.

In the car on the way home, Brandon finally asked, “Why did you do that to me?

Deliberately show me your body and try to get me all worked up? I don’t understand.
Wereyoumockingme?Youcangetlaid,butIcan’t.Idon’thaveanyoneelsetohelpme
out.Sowhenyougetmeallwired,it’s…it’sjustcruel.WhatdidIeverdotoyoutomake
youthinkyouneededtomockmelikethat?Idon’tunderstand,Joel.Idon’tunderstand.”

“No,notatall.We’refriends.I’vegotnoproblemwithyoubeinggay.Itoldyoumy

sisterisalesbian.That’snotall.I’vealsogotanunclewhoisgay,oneofmycousinsis
gay,andanotheronewho’salesbian.I’vebeenaroundgayfolksmywholelife.”

“Wow.WishIcouldsaythat.WhatIwouldn’tgivetohaveanothergayguytotalk

with,someonewhocouldhelpmesortouteverythingthat’sgoingoninsidemyhead.”

Brandonwasquietforamomentbeforeheasked,“Yourcousin,thegayone—ishe

good-looking?”

“Sure,butI’mnotfixingyouupwithhim.”

“Why not?” Brandon asked, knowing and hating that he sounded a bit pitiful and

plaintive.

“Well, for one, he’s like ten years older than you. But mostly because his husband

wouldbepissedoffwithmeifIdidthat,andhewouldn’ttakeitwellatall.”

“Oh.Sohe’salreadygotsomeone.”

Brandondroppedhisheadtowardthepassengersidewindow,bumpingitagainstthe

glass.“I’mdestinedtodieavirgin.Willyouslowdown,”heimploredJoel.“I’dratherI
notdietoday.”

“Allright.Iwasjusttryingtogiveyouonerushsinceyou’veneverbeenabletowalk

inthePromisedLand.”

“Huh?”

“Sex,dude.You’veneverfuckedsomebody.Or,Isupposebeenfuckedbysomebody.

Idon’tknowwhatyourtastesare.Sex,myman,isthemostexciting,rollercoasterride.
It’ssuchatotalrush,anabsolutelyincredibleexperience.Toslideinsidethebodyofthe
personyou’rewith,tomerge,tobecomeone,toshareyourbodywithsomeoneelseisjust
awesome, man. It feels like a thousand tiny hands are all gently stroking your dick, and
thenyourverysoul.”

Brandonwhimperedatthatpoint.

“Please, dude, I’m begging you, unless you’re planning to pull over and have sex

withmerightnow,fortheloveofGod,pleasejustshutup.”

Seemingtorealizehowhiswordswereimpactinghisfriend,Joelapologized.

“Hey,Brandon,I’msorry,dude.Ididn’tmeantocausetrouble.Ijustsometimesget

carriedaway.Sorryaboutthat.”Joellookedseriousforonce,whichseemedtohintthathe
understoodwhatBrandonhadtoldhim.

Brandon remained silent, his head resting against the window and his eyes closed

untiltheystoppedinthedrivewaytohishouse.Brandonwasinahurrytogetoutofthe
car,soJoelcalledout,“Seeyouinthemorning.”Brandonjustwavedandrushedtoward

thehouse.

When he was finally inside with the door closed and locked, the very first thing

Brandondidwastopullouthisstillharddickandquicklyjerkoff.Itwasn’talotofwork
sincehewaspartiallytherealready.Haditbeenwarmerthanfifteendegreesoutside,he
would have done it out there. It was a good thing his dad was away the rest of the day
because Brandon did something he rarely if ever got to do—he got naked and wanked
himselfmoretimesthanhecouldcount.Sincehewasnaked,itwaskindofalwayseasily
accessible,closeathand,sowithoutevenrealizinghewasdoingit,hespentalotoftime
justholdinghisdick.Andofcourseonethingledtoanother,andwhatcameup,hadtobe
helpedtogobackdown.Itwasonlywhenhestartedtochafethathehadtostop,buthe
hadagoodrun-upuntilthatpoint.

Chapter5—WhatOtherTeensDo

THEFOLLOWING

morning Joel picked Brandon up right on time for once, which

meanttheydidn’thavetomakeadeath-defyingdrivetogettothepoolontime.

Brandon, usually mostly asleep on the drive to the pool, was wide-awake. He’d

wokenearly,worriedaboutwhatfreshhellJoelhadinstoreforhim.Wouldhetauntand
teaseBrandonwithsomethingmorehecouldn’thave?Thatwasjustcruel,andhecouldn’t
believeJoelhaddonethattohimthepreviousday.

But Joel was quieter in the car that morning, seeming somewhat withdrawn, just as

Brandon was. Even the music was turned lower than usual. When Joel turned the music
off, Brandon’s heart started pounding so hard he was afraid it was trying to make an
escapefromhischesttorunawayandhidesomewhere.

Notknowingwhattosay,Brandonjustclosedhiseyesandshookhishead.

“Um,dude,”Joelsaidhesitantly.“Aboutyesterday…yousee….I’msorryIdidthose

things to you. I thought about it all night last night and I tried to put myself in your
position.Notthepositionofsuckingadickorsomethinglikethat.Itriedtoputmyselfin
your position of having to watch a Greek god of a man like myself flaunt his
hypermasculinityatmewhileknowingIcouldneverhaveitandthatthemeresightofit
wouldwindmeupsotightIcouldbarelybreathe.”

“You have a mighty high opinion of yourself,” Brandon observed drily without

lookingatJoel.

“Hey, I’ve seen myself in my mirror. I’ve spent hours studying what I look like.

SometimesIevenjerkoffinthefrontofthemirror.”

“Sowhatyou’retellingmeisthatyoujerkofftotheimageofahotman.Interesting.

Dude,areyousureyou’renotgay?Becausereally,jerkingofftothesight,sound,image
ofahot,nakedguyprettymuchclenchesit—itmeansyou’regay.”

Brandonhadclearlywingedhim.

“Shutup,”Joelgrowledathim.Afteramomentofsilence,theonlysoundthatofthe

tiresonthebarepavement,Joelcontinued.“I’msorryforwhatIdidyesterday.Iseenow
thatIwasbeingarealdick,andI’mreallysorryIdidthattoyou.”

BrandonlookedatJoelforthelongesttimewithoutsayingaword.“Thankyou.”

“I’m really sorry, man. I heard what you said, you know, about you not having

anyoneelsetohelpyououtwhenyourdickgetshard.AndthenIthoughtaboutwhatyou
said after that about really wanting to have someone, another gay guy, to talk to about
stuff.”

“Yeah,”Brandonsaidsoftly.

“Ifeelforyou,man.AndIwantyoutoknowthatIdidalotofthinkingaboutyou

andyoursituationlastnight.”

Brandonwantedtojoke,buthequitehonestlydidn’thaveanycluewhattosay,witty,

funny,orotherwise,towhatJoelhadjusttoldhim,soheremainedsilent.

“Thanks,Joel,”Brandonfinallysaid,extendingahandtowardhisfriendforaquick

fistbump.

The day’s practice wasn’t a chore so much as a relief. Both guys worked hard,

makingupforsomeofwhattheyshouldhavebeendoingforthelastfewdayswhilethey
took it easy. Both were quite pleased with their performance, against their own internal
measuresaswellasagainstoneanotherthefewtimestheycompeted.

In the locker room afterward, Joel behaved himself and almost acted a bit chaste,

neveronceflashingBrandon.Infact,Joelkepthisbackturnedalmosttheentiretimeand
took a relatively quick rinse, and was practically dressed before Brandon was finished
withhisshower.

ItwasonlyafterBrandonwasdressedandtheyweresittinginJoel’scar,theheater

workingtowarmthingsup,thatJoelsprunganideaonBrandon.

“So,Bran,I’vegotarequest.Ineedafavorfromyou.”

“Sure,man.WhatcanIdo?”

“You’re not going to like it,” Joel prefaced his request, looking appropriately

embarrassed.

“No,Joel,Iamnotsuckingyourdick,”Brandonsaid.

“No.Don’tevensuggestthat.Jeez,”Joelsaid.“No,Iwantyoutocomewithmeto

thecitythisafternoon.”

“IwishIcould,butIcan’t.Youknowthat.Andyouknowwhytoo.”

“Becauseofyourdad.Yeah,Iknow.ButIneedyoutocomewithme.Ipromisethat

I’ll deal with your dad afterward, but I really want you to come with me today. It’s
important.”

Brandonsowantedtobelievehecoulddothis,behavelikeotherteenagersdidanddo

somethingspontaneous,impetuous,andfrivolous.Hewassotornintwodirectionsthathe
wasafraidhemightripintwo.“Okay,”hesaidsoftly.Heverynearlyhyperventilatedafter
sayingthatsingleword,butBrandongavehisconsent.

“Allright,dude,”Joelshouted.Puttingonagreatpairofsunglassesandcrankingthe

musicuphigh,Joeldirectedthecarontothefreewayforthehalf-hourdrivetothebigcity.
Theyhadn’tgonetenfeetbeforeBrandonwassecond-guessinghimself.

“Stopthat,”Joelorderedharshly.

“Stopwhat?”Brandonasked,confused.

“Stopit.You’redoingsomethinggood.”

“HowdidyouknowwhatIwasthinking?”

“BecauseIcanreadyoulikeoneofmygrandmother’slargeprintbooks,that’show.”

Brandonshuffleddowninhisseatalittle,embarrassed.Theonlythingthatstopped

himfromdisappearingcompletelywashisseatbelt,whichstoppedhim.

“You’renotdoinganythingwrong,”Joelsaid.“Iknowit’shard,butyouneedtotrust

methatthisisagoodthing.You’llsee.Ipromise.”

“I…know.Imean,I…Ihopeso.”

“Youare,trustme,”Joelsaid.

“Butmydadisgonnagivemesuchgriefforthis.Youhavenoidea.Whenhecalls

andI’mnotrighttheretoanswerimmediately,he’sgonnabepissed.Hedoesn’tevercut
meanyslack.Hecallsatthesameexacttimeeverymorningandeveryevening.Nomatter
whatI’mdoing,nomatterwhatchoreshe’sgivenme,Ihavetoberighttheretoanswer
thephone.”Brandonwasstartingtotalkhimselfintoapanic.

“Hey,”Joelsaidsharply.“Enough.Calmdown.I’lldealwithhim.ItoldyouIwould

andIwilldothat.Doyoutrustme?”

“Yeah,Iguess,”Brandonsaid.

“Thanksforthatoverwhelmingvoteofconfidence,man,”Joelsaidwithachuckle.

Trafficpickeduptheclosertheygottothecity.Brandondidn’tknowhiswayaround

atall.He’dbeentherewithhisfatherwhenthey’dneededsomethingorwhenhetookhim
tobuyclothesforschool,butotherwisehislifeconsistedofhishouseandthepoolandthe
school.Thatwasit.

Theonlybreaks he got in the monotony were when his swim team had away swim

meets,althoughhisdaddidhisutmosttomakeeventhosesacredmomentsintomiserable
occasions for him as well. All of the team members rode on the team bus to events—
except for Brandon who had to ride with his dad to and from every single out-of-town
meet.Hewantedtobejustoneoftheguys,buthisdadwouldn’tlethim.

Brandon argued he needed to spend that time with his teammates so they could

becomemoreofateam,seethattheywereinsomethingtogether.Thecoacharguedthe
samething,buthecouldn’tpushBrandon’sfatherveryfarbecauseBrandon’sdadwasthe
onlyoutsidesponsortheteamhad,andhewasquitegenerouswithhisfinancialsupport
fortheteam.

ThefirsttimeBrandonandthecoachhadconvincedhisdadtolethimrideonthebus

witheverybodyelse,hisfatherdecidedtorideonthebustoo.Andbythetimetheygotto
themeetlocation,justabouteverybodyontheteamhatedhimforonesimplereason—his
dad had insisted on lecturing and haranguing everybody to go out and put everything
they’dlearnedintoactionandtowinatanycost.

Forseventyminuteshehadgoneonandonandon.Eventhecoachlookedpissedby

thetimetheyfinallyparkedoutsidethehostschool’spool.Occasionallyattimeslikethat
thecoachpushedbackandtriedtoreinBrandon’sdadin,butanytimethathappened,his
dad just threw more money to the swim team to support everything it did. Any other
parentwouldhavebeenkickedoutforhisbehavior.

Rather than build camaraderie, all the trip had done was to make everyone pissed

with Brandon. He’d been shoved against lockers, bitched at, snarled at, cursed at, and
glaredatbyastringofpissed-offteammatesthatday,morethanheeverhadinhislife.
Thebusridewastheirtime,butithadbeenstolenfromthemthatmorning.

Most of the guys knew the score and understood how tough this was for Brandon.

But not all. When he had a moment while his dad and the coach were out of earshot,
Brandonfinallysnapped,andwhensomeonecursedhim,hesnappedback,“Welcometo
myfuckinglife!”

Onthenextout-of-townswimmeettrip,histeammateshadapparentlytalkedandhad

workedoutsomething—somethingforBrandon,somethingmoreappreciatedbyhimthan
he could possibly explain. One of his teammates deliberately sought out Brandon’s dad
and sat next to him before he could bound up out of his seat and start lecturing and
scolding. His teammate came complete with questions about Brandon’s dad and his
businessandforadvicehehadforstartingandmanagingabusinessnowversuswhenhe’d
started his own business years earlier. For the entire half hour of the drive to the host
school that afternoon, the bus was positively civilized because Brandon’s dad was
occupiedholdingforthonsomethingheactuallydidknowalotabout.

Brandonmadeapointoffindingtheguywho’dtakenonefortheteamandgavehim

a quick guy-hug—strictly one arm—and a big smile. Smiles and one-arm hugs were
acceptablewithoutriskofhintinganythinggay.Brandonwasabletoconveythemessage,
and he’d also whispered a heartfelt “Thank you” during their bro-hug. After the meet
everyonewastired,andthecoachmanagedtokeepBrandon’sdadoccupied,soagainthe
ridewascivilized.

Now with Joel, Brandon didn’t have a clue where they were going, other than “the

city.”Buthedidn’tneedtoknowbecauseitwasJoel’scar,hisidea,histrip,andBrandon
wasjustalongfortheride.Hewasn’tnavigator,whichwasgoodorthey’dbescrewed.

JoelstartedtheirbitoffreedomwithastopataBurgerKing.Brandonhadonlybeen

tofastfoodplacesonceortwiceinhislife,soitwasbasicallyabrand-newexperiencefor
him.Whentheywalkedin,helookedtoJoelwithtwoconcerns.“Um,dude,Idon’thave
anymoney.”

“Iknow.Don’tworry.Igotyacovered.”

“HowdoIknowwhattoget?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Joelasked.

“I’veneverbeenherebefore.”

“Theyallhavethesamemenu,sowhateveryouusuallygetatBK,”Joelexplained.

“No, you don’t understand,” Brandon whispered, sounding a bit desperate. “I’ve

neverbeen….”

“You’ve never been to Burger King? How is that possible? Are you more of a

McDonald’sguy?”

Brandon shook his head, feeling suddenly embarrassed and morose. Brandon tried

again.“Mydadwon’tletmeeatfoodlikethis.”

Joel stared at his friend for a moment. “Not to worry,” Joel said, seeming to

understandBrandon’sdilemmanow.“Youlikeburgers?”

“Yeah,sure.”

“Whatdoyoulikeonyourburger?”

Using what Brandon had told him, Joel ordered for them, paid for them, and gave

Brandon his first Burger King experience. When he took the first bite of his burger and
triedhisfrenchfries,Brandonactuallymoanedwithdelight.Hewasembarrassedallover
again and felt his face flushing, but Joel didn’t rib him or give him any grief. Joel just
smiledathimandlethimeat.

Theyfinishedtheirfoodquickly,sohewasnotrushingthemwhenJoelsaid,“We’ve

gottobesomewherenearbyat2:00.Itwon’ttakelong,butwecan’tbelate.”

Chapter6—AMeetofaDifferentSort

“YOUGOT

adatetoscrewsomeone?”Brandonaskedsuspiciously.

“No,mostdefinitelynot,”Joelanswered,wrinklinghisnose,notatalltheresponse

Brandon would have expected from his friend, the man who was a walking, talking,
vagina-sniffingpenisaccordingtothestorieshetold.

Itturnedoutwheretheyneededtobewasveryclose.

“You’regoingintothelibrary?”Brandonaskedwhenhesawthebuilding.

“Yep.Comeon.Hurryup,”Joelsaid,walkingbrisklyfromthecartowardthefront

door.

“Youwantmetocomewithyou?”Brandonasked.

“Yes,absolutely.Iwantyouwithme.Ican’tdothiswithoutyou.Comeon.”

Joel pulled open the front door and walked decisively through the main room and

toward a hallway in the back. Joel seemed to know exactly where he was going, so
Brandonwassurprisedwhenhestoppedsuddenlyandaskedalibraryemployee,“Isthis
thewayto—”

But before he could even finish asking his question, the employee nodded and

pointedinthedirectionhewasalreadyheaded.

“Doyouwantmetowaitouthereforyou?”Brandonasked.

“Nope.You’rewithme.Comeon.We’redoingthistogether.”

“Doingwhat?”Brandonasked,realizingtoolatethathisvoicesoundedabitwhiny,a

soundhehatedtohearinothers.

“ComewithmeandI’llshowyou.”

Brandonwassothoroughlyconfused.Joelledthemintoameetingroomattheback

ofthelibrary.Sinceitwaslatemorningandtheroomhadoneentirewallofwindows,it
was bright and almost cheerful, in contrast to the dirty, cold snow outside. Maybe two-
dozen folding chairs were arranged in a big circle, and about half of them were already
occupiedbyotherkids,mostlytheirage.JoeltookanopenseatandgesturedforBrandon
totaketheseatbesidehim.

“Whatisthis?”BrandonwhisperedtoJoel.

Joelsmiledathimcrypticallyandthensaid,“Thisisforyou,bigguy.It’snotexactly

whatyouwanted,butit’sascloseasIcouldcomeupwithonshortnotice.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Brandonasked,hisbrowknitinconsternation.

However, the arrival of several more people, all talking animatedly, distracted him.

SomeonetooktheseatontheothersideofBrandon.Helookedtowardtheguywhosat
nexttohimandnoticedhewassmilingshyly.Notonlythat,buthewas…hot.

“Um,hi,”Brandonsaidashequicklytriedtobefriendlywhilealsocheckinghimout

atthesametime.

“Hi.Idon’trecognizeyou,”thestrangersaid.

“Idon’tlivehere,”Brandonsaid,notsurewhatelsetosayrightthen.

“Allright,everyone,”ayoungmanofmaybetwentysaid,callingfortheirattention,

apparentlytostart…whateveritwasthatwasabouttohappen.

“I’mreallygladtoseeyouallheretoday.I’munbelievablyhappytobeabletogather

togetherwithyouthisafternoonsoyoucantalkandspendsometimegettingtoknowone
another,andfindwayswecansupportoneanother.It’snoteasytobeateen.Butbeinga
gayteenoronewhoisquestioningwhoandwhattheyareisespeciallytough,andmost
peopleoutside this roomjust don’t understandthat. But we alldo, so thisis our time to
talkandhelponeanotherfigurethingsout.”

Brandon’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He turned fast to Joel and looked

questioningly at him. Sort of a “What the fuck have you done?” kind of look. Joel just
keptsmilingathim.

“Groundrules.Whathappensinthisroomstaysinthisroom.Youcansayanythingto

anyonewhilehere,becauseweallagreethatwhateverwediscussisourbusinessonly.If
anyonehasanyproblemwiththatrule,saysorightnowandleave.”Heactuallypaused
andlookedfrompersontopersontogiveeachoneachancetotakehimuponhisoffer.
Brandondidaseveryoneelseandsatquietly.

“Good.Secondruleisthatwedon’tneedtotearoneanotherdownorbelittleanyone

to make a point. The rest of the world does a good job of that already, so in here we
support one another, we don’t attack any other group member. We are all here for
everyone,solet’skeepitthatway.

“Third,everyone’sviewpointisimportant.Everyquestionisimportant.We’reallat

differentstagesonourjourneys,soeventhoughwemaynotbewheretheothersare,does
notgiveuslicensetobethoughtlesstothem.

“And just to repeat rule one, what we say in this room stays in this room. Our

conversationsinhereareprivateandarenotrepeatedorreportedtoanyone,sowecanall
feelfreetobringupanytopicandaskanyquestion.

“So,withthatoutoftheway,Iseewe’vegotsomenewfolkswithustoday.Iwantto

knowwhoeveryoneisandwhatbringsyouheretoday,butitwouldn’tbefairtosingleout
thenewcomersrightoffthebat,soI’llgetusstartedandaskoneofyoutoshare,andthen
we’llgotoournewcomersafterthey’veseenhowitworks.Wegiveourfirstnames,no
lastnamesneeded,tellhowoldweare,whatbroughtyouheretoday,andwhatthegroup
couldmaybehelpyouwith.

“I’llstart.MynameisTerry.I’mnineteenyearsold,Iamanopen,outgayman,and

I’mhappywithwhoIam.Ididn’talwaysfeelthatway,butnowIamwhoIamandI’m

freakingproudofit.Theworldcandealwithmeorlooktheotherway,butI’mnotgoing
tochangejustbecauseitmakessomepeopleuncomfortable.I’mherebecausethisgroup
hasbeenalifesaverformeandIwanttotrytogivebackinanywayIcan.Sothat’sme.
Allright,Lisa,wouldyouliketogonext?”

“Sure, Terry. I’m Lisa. I’m sixteen.” Brandon would have guessed older, probably

becauseoftheconfidentwayshetalked.Heenviedherthat.“I’malesbian,andlikeTerry
I don’t give a shit what anybody else thinks. They can decide about their lives, and I’ll
take care of mine. I’m who I was born to be. If someone can’t handle it, fuck ’em. I’m
herebecauseIlikespendingtimewithmypeople.”

Nextupwasayoungmanwholooked….Brandonwasn’tsure.Hisbodywassmall,

andhehadthefeaturesofsomeonewhowasyoung,butatthesametimehiseyeslooked
likeanoldperson.Brandoncouldn’tputhisfingeronwhatexactlymadehimreactthat
way,butitwasprofoundlystrong.Whentheold-youngmandidn’tsayanything,infact
didn’t even look up, Terry moved on, putting no pressure on the guy who clearly had
alreadyhadenough.

TerrylookedtoJoelandBrandon.Brandonwassweatingbullets,butheneedn’thave

worriedsinceJoeltookthelead.

“Hey,everybody.I’mJoel.ThisisBrandon,mybestbud.Hedidn’tknowwherewe

were going until a minute ago when Terry mentioned the G-word—‘gay.’ You see, my
buddyis…workingonsomebigissues.I’lllethimtellyouwhatifhewantstoandwhen
he’sreadyto.I’mstraightbutnotnarrow.Gaydoesn’tscareme.IwantedtogetBrandon
into a group like this so he could see what I’ve always known. I’m proud of him,” Joel
said,pausingforamoment.

“Theotherdayinthecar,whenBrandonsaidthathereallywishedmostofallthathe

hadsomeonehecouldtalktoaboutwhat’sgoingoninsidehishead,thathewishedhehad
someonewhocouldhelphimsortthingsout,ithitmethatIknewtherehadtobesucha
place.SoIwentonlineandstartedsearching,andIfoundit—it’syouguys.Ibroughthim
herehopingyouguyscanhelpmeoutandgivemybuddywhathereallyneeds.Thelast
thingI’llsayishisdadisarealdick,andhe’sgonnagiveBrandonallkindsofcrapfor
being anywhere but under his thumb, but I’ve got your back, bro.” Joel gave Brandon’s
armasqueeze.

Terryaddedaquickcomment.“Welcome,Joel.Welcome,Brandon.I’mreallyhappy

thatyouguysareherewithustoday.WhenJoelcalledmeyesterdaytofindoutifhecould
bringBrandontoourmeeting,Itoldhimabsolutely.Brandon,we’rehereforyou,dude.
Youcantalkifyouwant,ornot.Youcansayanythingnoworlaterornotatall.It’supto
you.Nopressurewhatsoever.”

Brandonlookedquicklyaroundatallthefaces.Hewasstruckbythesimplefactthat

there was not a scowl among them. Everyone was looking at him expectantly, smiling,
leaningforwardtohearwhathehadtosay,whichgavehimthecourageheneededtoopen
hismouthandspeakaloudthewordsthathadneverbeenspokenaloudbefore.

“Hi,I’mBrandon.LikeJoelsaid,Ididn’tknowwhereweweregoingtoday.Ikindof

thoughtitwasthemall,butthisiswaybetterthanthat.I…I….Okay,Icandothis.”He
closedhiseyesforasecond,tookadeepbreath,letitout,openedhiseyes,andinabold,

clear voice said, “I’m Brandon, I’m seventeen, and I’m gay. And I am so glad I’m here
withyouguys.”

Everyone around the circle cheered. And he couldn’t help it, he smiled until it hurt

his face, and he actually shed a few tears. He didn’t want to lose it in public, and
especiallynotinfrontofabunchofstrangers,buttheyweretearsofhappiness.

“Ididn’tknow.Mydad…hekindofkeepsme…shutofffromtheworld.”

“He’s a total dick,” Joel repeated his earlier assessment with great conviction that

otherscouldnotpossiblymiss.

Brandon snickered. “Yeah, he is. He wants me to be an Olympic swimmer so he

keeps me practicing seven days a week practically nonstop. I don’t live like most other
people.He’salwayswithmewhereverIgo99percentofthetime.”

“Thisisthe1percenttime,”Joelexplained.“He’sinFloridaplayinggolf.”

“Ican’tbelieve….Iknewtherewereotherslikemeouttheresomewhere,butIhad

noideahowtofindyou.I’mnotalone.Wow.Youcan’timaginewhatthismeanstome.
Therereallyareotherpeoplelikeme.Ican’ttellyouhow…howhappythismakesme.
Thankyou.”Brandonwasbarelyabletoholdhimselftogetherashesaidhisfinalwords.

“You’re very welcome, Brandon,” Terry said, echoed by several others around the

circle. “You are most definitely not alone. We are an army of gay, lesbian, bisexual,
transgender,andqueerfolks.Weareeverywhere.Wealwayshavebeeneverywhere,and
itstimetheworldpulleditsheadoutofitsassandfacedfacts.We’rehere,we’requeer,
andtheyneedtodealwithitandstophatingus.”

“Hey,” Joel said, “don’t forget the straight but not narrow friends, like the

magnificentmanthatisme,”hesaidwithamockbow.

Everyonelaughedandassuredhimthathecouldbepartofthearmyaswell,which

satisfiedJoel.BrandonwassowowedthathewouldhavegonetobatforJoelforanything
hewanted.

For two hours Brandon sat in the group, Joel right beside him, listening intently to

everywordthatwassaid.Sometimeswhatthegrouptalkedaboutwascompletelyforeign
toBrandon.He’dheardtheterms“safesex”before,butthepeoplearoundhimseemedto
talk from experiences that Brandon didn’t have. Other times the discussions were about
things that any teenager would be likely to recognize, like dealing with telling people
you’re gay. Brandon spoke several times when he had something to contribute, or had
questionstoask.

Bytheendofthetwohours,he’dtriedtocommiteveryone’sfacetomemory.This

wasadayhewouldn’tsoonforget.

After the official end of the group meeting, most people stayed and chatted

informallyinsmallergroups.Joeltalkedwithalotofpeople.Brandonhadalwaysenvied
Joel’snaturaleaseineverysituation.Joelwasjustconfidentnomatterwhatsettinghewas
droppedinto.BrandonwantedtoattachhimselftoJoellikeVelcro,buthefoughtdownthe
overwhelmingurgetodothat.IfJoelcouldactsocomfortableinaroomwherehewasthe
only person like himself, then Brandon should be able to handle talking to some people

withnoproblem.

Hetriedengagingacoupleofpeopleinconversationandgotlotsofhugsandwords

ofwelcome.Everyoneaskedhimtocomebacktothenextmeetingandgavehimwordsof
encouragement.

He had a slightly odd conversation with a guy, maybe a year younger than he was,

who seemed very taken with Brandon’s arms. He asked Brandon all sorts of questions
aboutwhathedidtodevelopsuchincrediblemuscles.

WhenBrandonexplainedabouthisswimmingregimen,theguywantedtoknowifit

wastruethatswimmershadstrongthighs,andiftheirabswereasdevelopedastheirarms.
Brandonwaspleasantandpoliteandtriedveryhardtoansweralloftheguy’squestions.
Healmostliftedhisshirttoshowtheguyhisabswhenhespokeaboutthatmusclegroup
forasecondtime,buthedidn’tthinkitwouldbeanappropriatemovetomakeinapublic
meeting.

When they left the library, Joel drove them to the mall nearby where they walked

fromoneendtotheotherandbackagain.Theydidn’thaveadestinationbutjustwalked.
And Brandon babbled happily. He thanked Joel; then he shed a few more tears that he
quickly wiped away before anyone saw such a massively nonmasculine bit of bad
behavior.

Joel listened, nodding, smiling, and making appropriate acknowledging sounds

periodically. The only time Joel had anything to add was when Brandon described his
conversationwiththeguywho’dbeenseatedbesidehim,theonewho’dtalkedabouthis
muscles.

Joellaughed,whichonlyconfusedBrandon.

“Dude?”Brandonsaid.

“Youdoknowwhathewasdoing,right?”Joelasked.

“No. I don’t. That’s why I’m asking you. Was he interested in getting advice on

puttingtogetheraworkoutroutine?”

JoelgaveBrandonaquickshoveandlaughedbeforehesaid,“No.That’snotitatall.

Ican’tbelieveyoudidn’tgetit,orthatyoustilldon’tgetit.”

“What?” Brandon practically shouted in frustration. “Don’t laugh at me. This is all

newtome.”

“Dude,hewashittingonyou.Hewasn’tinterestedingettingarmslikeyours.Hewas

interested in getting your arms, wrapped around his body. He wanted to get… close to
you.”

“No!”Brandonsaidloudly,stoppinginhistracks.

“Yes,”Joelassuredhimwithasmile.

“No!”Brandonrepeatedinstunneddisbelief.

“Yes,yes,yes.Thedudewashittingonyou.Helikedyou.Hewashotforyou.He

wantedyou.Andyoucouldhavehadhim—orhoweveritworksforgayguys.IknowI’d

takeitwhereverandwheneverIcangetit,soI’massuminggayguysarethesame.”

Brandon’sfacewasbeetredwithshameandembarrassment.Hecouldn’tbelievethat

a straight man had to tell him that another gay guy had been hitting on him… and he’d
missedit.How embarrassing. How humiliating. Brandon could feel gay men worldwide
cringingathisobliviousness.

“Don’tbeembarrassed,”Joelsaid.“Ikeepforgettingthatyou’renewatallofthis.”

“We’renotallmanwhoreslikeyou,”Brandonsaid.

“Ouch,”Joelsaid,laughingwithhim.

“Sorry,”Brandonmeeklyapologized.

“Nah,don’tworryaboutit.It’swhatIam.I’llfuckanywhere,anytime,withanyone

—anygirlthatis—thatIcan.Probably‘manwhore’worksprettywell.”

Foranotherhourtheytalked,debriefedinaway,aboutthegroupmeeting.

“Doyouwanttogobacktothegroupthenexttimetheymeet?”Joelasked.

“Ofcourse,butIdon’tseehowIevercould.Mydad—”

“Iknow.Iknow.LetmeworkonthatoneabitandseewhatIcancomeupwith.”

Aftertwohoursofwalking,theyreturnedtoJoel’scarandmadethereturntriphome.

Witheachmilebetweenthemandthecity,Brandonbegantofeelmoreandmoreisolated
fromwherehewantedtobe.WhentheygottoBrandon’sdriveway,heexpectedJoelto
justdrophimoff,sohewassurprisedwhenJoelparkedandcameinsidewithhim.

Brandonwasonedge,worriedabouttheinevitablephonecall.

“Whendoyouthinkhe’llcall?”

Brandonsighed.“Probablyanytimenow.”Andhewasright.Whenthephonerang,

heimmediatelyansweredit,tryingtosoundnormal.

“Hello?”

JoelcouldhearBrandon’sdadfromnearlysixfeetaway.“Wherethefuckhaveyou

been?Doyouhaveanyideahowmuchtroubleyou’rein?”

Brandontriedtosaysomethingbutcouldn’tgetawordinedgewise.

Closetotears,BrandonwassurprisedwhenJoeltookthephonefromhim.

“Hey,how’sFlorida?”hesaid,talkingoverBrandon’sdad.

“Whothehellisthis?”

“It’sJoel,yourneighbor.Iwantedtoapologizetoyou,sir.YouknowhowI’vebeen

givingBrandonridestoandfrompracticeallweekwhileyou’regone.Nobigdealsince
I’mgoingthesamewayanyway.It’sbeengoodtohavethecompany,actually.

“Anyway,afterpracticetoday,Ihadtoruntothecityonanerrandformymom,soI

hadtodragBrandonalong.Hetoldmeheneededtogethome,butIcouldn’tbeintwo
placesatthesametime,sohehadtoridealongwithme.Soplease,don’tbemadathim.
I’mtheguiltyparty,andI’mso,sosorryformakingyouworried.Pleasedon’tblamehim,

blamemebecauseitwasentirelymyfault.I’msorryforcausinganyupset.”

BrandonheavedasighofreliefashelistenedtoJoelworkhisfather,likeamaster

violinistwithaStradivariusinhishands.

WhenJoelhungup,hesmiledatBrandon.“There,allfixed.”

ThattimeBrandoncouldn’thelpit—hewrappedhisarmsaroundJoelandgavehima

hugehug.“Thankyou.Idon’t….Thankyousomuchfortoday.Youdon’tknowwhatthis
meanstome.Allofit.I…justthankyou.”

“Don’t mention it. Some things I suck at, but some things I can do pretty well.

SometimesIcanreadpeople,butI’malwaysgoodatknowinghowtoplaythemonceI’ve
readthem.”

When Brandon released his hold on Joel, he said again for the hundredth time,

“Thankssomuch.”

“Thanks,man.Really.TodaywassomethingI’llneverforget.”

“You’re welcome. Some things I can’t do anything about, but your problem was

supereasy.”

“Maybeforyou,butnotforme.”

“GladIcouldhelp.Seeyoubrightandearlyinthemorning.”

“I’llbeready.”

Chapter7—He’sBack

AT FIVE

thirty the first morning his dad was back, the ceiling light in Brandon’s

bedroom came on unexpectedly and his father was beside him, shaking him roughly
awakeandyellingloudlyathim.

“Yo,Brandon,getup.Timetohaulassoutofthatbedandgetbacktowork.You’ve

gottotrainand,knowingyou,makeupforallthemissedtrainingfromwhenIwasaway.
Somoveit.Getup!Now.Comeon!I’vegottogetyoubackintothesameshapeyouwere
inbeforeIleft.Comeon.”

“Dad! I’m not dressed.” Brandon had thrown off the covers sometime during the

night,sonotonlywashenaked,buthismorningwoodwasstandingproudandtallforall
theworldtosee.Hequicklygrabbedforthesheettotrytopreservesomesemblanceofhis
dignity.

If his father noticed, he didn’t comment. Instead he turned and walked out of the

room,callingbackoverhisshoulder.“Weleaveinfiveminutes.Timetoseehowmuch
groundyou’velostwhileI’vebeengone.”

Theyrodeinsilenceontheirwaytothepool.

WhileBrandonwasstrippingoffhisoutdoorclothesinthelockerroom,Joelarrived

and,slippingupbesidehim,whispered,“So,isheonthewarpathyet?”

Allittookwasasimplelooktoconveytheanswer.Brandonjustnoddedhisheadas

hepulledonhisSpeedo.

“Joel,amItooyoungortoooldtorunawayfromhome?”Brandonaskedamoment

later.

“Yougetspecialdispensationbecauseofyouruniquecircumstances.”

They exited the locker room together and stretched, starting to get loosened up and

readyforwhatpromisedtobeahellishmorningoftraining.

It was everything Brandon had feared and known it would be. His father was

relentlessfromthesecondheslippedintothewater.WitheverystrokeBrandontook,his
fathermovedparalleltohimonthesideofthepool,shoutingorders,belittlinghimforone
thingoranother.

First he mocked Brandon for not training during his absence, making his own life

more difficult because he had to work harder to get Brandon back to where he’d been
beforetheywentaway.Heknewifhecommentedorarguedorcomplainedinanyway,it
wouldn’tdoonebitofgood,sohejustsavedhisbreath.Hisfather’smindwasmadeup.
Inhisview,theonlywayBrandonwouldworkisifhewastherestandingoverhim.

Brandon’sonlypeace waswhenhe slippedbeneaththe surfaceofthe water. There,

hisfather’svoicewasmuffled,andhecouldignorethenoiseforatleastafewminutes.

WhileBrandonwasalwaysgladtohavehisdadgooutoftown,hehateditwhenhe

cameback,becausehisdadwasevenmoreofadickthanusual.Italwaystooknearlya
full week before Brandon could get him to back off a little and be closer to his old,
irrationalself.

Thisparticulartrip held to the previous patterns. After about a week, either his dad

hadcalmeddownabitorBrandon’sleveloftolerancehadadjustedsothatitdidn’tgetto
himquiteasmuchasitdidthefirstdaysafterhisreturn.

Dayinanddayout,Brandongotup,mindlesslyswamandpracticed,anddidhisbest

totuneouthisdad.Hekepthopingthatmaybehewouldjustgrowwearyofthecurrent
systemorwouldgetboredandwouldmoveontosomenewproject,butheneverdid.As
muchashewishedhisdadwouldfindsomeoneelsetogobother,heneverdid.

Soat5:30a.m.eachday,Brandonwasupandoutofhiswarmbed,neverhavinghad

quiteenoughsleep,sothathecouldgotrainfortwohoursfromsixtoeightbeforeschool
started. After a quick shower at the pool, he changed into his everyday clothes, wolfed
downsomefood,andsetoffforschool,hisonlyrealbreakfromhisfatherandnonstop
training.

Each afternoon, right after school, it was back to the pool to train, this time in

techniques as opposed to the morning stamina and endurance training. His dad hounded
him during the morning training, but he didn’t have enough knowledge to participate in
the afternoon sessions. Of course that didn’t stop him from showing up and walking
aroundlikehewantedtoruletheworld.

Andafterallofthat,intheevenings,hehadhomeworktodo.Itwasn’texactlythe

lifeofdreams,butitwasBrandon’slife,andhehadn’tbeenaskedforhisopinionaboutit,
sohehunkereddownandcarriedon.

Chapter8—Competition

WHENBRANDON

steppedoutofthemen’slockerroomatthenextcompetition,he

wasinthezone,hismindalreadyabsorbedbythecallofthenearbypool.Helovedgetting
intothewater.Hecouldfeelit,tasteit,smellit,andhewantedtobeinit.Becausehewas
so fixated, he didn’t see the other person until he ran right into the guy, his hands
automaticallyreachingouttoeitherholdorpushaway.

Brandonskiddedtoasuddenstop,hisgazerisingfromthefloortoseewhohehad

bumpedinto.HeshouldhaverealizedthatasheandhisteammateswereexitingtheMen’s
Locker Room, the opposing team would be doing the same from the Women’s Locker
Room immediately next door where the competition changed. The doors for the two
roomswerelessthanafootapart.

He was about to apologize when he took in the face of the person he’d nearly

knocked over. It was then that he lost the ability to speak. The beauty of the man he’d
nearlymowedoverwasstunning.Thesmileonhisfacewasenoughtomeltcenturies-old
icebergs.Thesmileradiatedlikethesun,warmingBrandon’sheart(aswellasotherparts
ofhisbody).Hewasfeelingatinglinginhisstomach,whichwasoddbecausehenever
feltnervousaroundthewater.Ittookhimamomenttofigureoutthatthewayhefelthad
nothingtodowiththewater—itwasallduetothemanstandinglessthanafootfromhim.

“Oh,sorry,man,”theotherguysaid,stillsmilingthatkillersmile.

“No…noproblem,”Brandonmanagedtoutter.Hefinallyreleasedthebaretorsoof

thestranger.Thetwowenttheirdifferentways,butBrandon’seyesneverlefttheguythe
entire time they were getting into position for introductions and the eventual start of the
competition.ItwasonlyastheopposingteamwasbeingintroducedthatBrandonnoticed
theguyhadmorethanjustaprettyface.Hischestlookedlikeithadbeenchiseledfrom
marble by an artist on par with Michelangelo. Even from the distance across the pool,
Brandoncouldseetheman’sperkynipsonhishairlesschest.

Movinghisgazesouth,theguyturnedasifheknewBrandonwascheckinghimout,

standingmomentarilyinprofiletoshowofftheincredibleasswrappedinhistoo-smallred
swimsuit. When he turned back to face forward as all of his teammates were doing, he
looked directly at Brandon and smiled quickly. Once again his smile nearly melted
Brandonintoapuddleofooze.

Butheknewheneededtogethisheadbacktothesubjectathand,andthehotguy’s

penis was not in his hand. The more immediate concern was the competition. Brandon
wrestled his mind back to the meet. He had rarely encountered something that could so
easilyriphisfocusawayfromthewater,buthehadfounditnow.Andashelistenedtothe
membersoftheopposingteambeingidentified,Brandonfinallyhadanametogoalong
withthegorgeousface:Tyler.

Forthedurationofthecompetition,Brandondidhisbesttofocusontheevent.His

teammatesweredoingthesame,buttherewereseveraleventsinwhichtheywerejustnot
asgoodastheguysontheotherteam.Whenitwasfinallyhisturn,Brandondeliveredan
outstandingperformance,trouncinghisopponent.

EvenBrandon’sdecisivewininhiseventcouldn’tsavehisteamfromdefeat,though.

The coach was pissed, Brandon’s dad was pissed, and all of his teammates were in bad
moods. As everyone left the pool, Brandon was not looking forward to going into the
locker room where he and all the other guys were most likely going to get their asses
chewedout,notoncebutatleasttwice.He’devenseenithappenthreetimes:thecoach
first, his dad second, and then because his dad had gotten him so worked up, the coach
again.ThereweretimeswhenBrandonhatedhislife.Dayswhenhisteamlostweresome
ofthosedays.Itdidn’tmatterhehadtriumphedinhisownevent.

Even though they had not competed directly against one another, after the

competition,bothBrandonandTylerhungbackbythepoolwhilethespectatorsandthe
othercompetitorsquicklyleft.

TylerapproachedBrandon.

“Tyler,right?”Brandonsaid.

“Yes,goodmemory.You’reBrandon,ifIheardtheannouncercorrectly.DidIgetit

right?”Tyleraskedwithasmile.

“Youdid,”Brandonsaid.“Goodmemory.”Theysmiledatoneanother.

TylerextendedhishandandBrandonraisedhisowntoreturnthegreeting.

“Goodjob,today.Youguysaregood,”Tylersaid.

“Thanks,yourteamtoo.”

“Icanseeyourteamisgoingtobestrongcompetitionthisseason,”Tylersaidlightly.

Whenthey’dexhaustedthefewsentencesofmindlessbantertheyknewhowtoexchange,
Tyler asked Brandon a question that made him cringe. “Hey, who was that one nutcase
whoranalongtheedgeofthepoolscreamingatswimmersforyourteam?I’veneverseen
afangetquitesoworkedup.”

It figured that when he met someone, his father would be right there to do the

equivalentofcockblockanychanceatanewfriendship.

Brandon sighed and dropped his gaze to the floor in embarrassment. “Um, yeah,

abouthim,”hesighed.“Sorry.He’smydad.Hegetsalittlecarriedaway.”

“Your dad,” Tyler said. “Okay, you have my sympathy, dude. No offense to you or

your dad,” he quickly added. “He seemed… well, a little… tightly wrapped. It’s just a
highschoolmeet,afterall.”

“Tellmeaboutit,”Brandonmumbled,shakinghishead.

“Sorry,man.”TylerlightlytouchedonehandtoBrandon’srightarm,andfireworks

went off in Brandon’s head. The touch, the gentle touch, of another man’s hand on his
body, anywhere on his body, was so fucking erotic he very nearly popped a boner right
there on the spot. It was an act of God that he didn’t. It would have been embarrassing

beyondallhopeofrecovery.

“Hey,”Tylersaid,bendingdownsohecouldlookupintoBrandon’sdowncasteyes.

“Youokay?”

“Oh,sorry,yes.Sorry.”

“Noneedtoapologize.IwasjustafraidI’dsaidsomethingtooffendyou.Wasn’tmy

intentionifIdid.”

“Youdidn’t.It’sjustthatsometimes…itgetsalittleoverwhelmingbeingme.”

“I can see that,” Tyler quietly concurred. “You have my sympathy, and my

admiration,man.Tosurviveshitlikethattakesastronginnerman.Mycompliments.”

Brandonsmiled.Damn,butTylerwaseloquent.

Brandon’s mood got even brighter when Tyler asked him, “This is spur of the

moment and you probably already have other plans, but how’d you like to go get
somethingtoeat?I’malwaysstarvingafterthesethings.”

“Iknowwhatyoumean.Swimmingalwaysleavesmeravenous.Butdon’tyouneed

toridethebusbackhomewitheveryoneelse?”

“Nah,IdrovemyselfoverthismorningsoIcanstayaslongasIwantandheadback

when I’m ready.” He seemed to hesitate for a second before shyly asking, “Are you…
maybe…interested?”

Brandon smiled his biggest smile and said, “Oh, yes!” He hoped his eagerness was

nottooobvious.Buthissmilequicklyvanished.

“What’s wrong?” Tyler asked. He’d been told to stay away from poker, that he

wouldn’tbeabletobluffbecauseheworeeverythinghewasfeelingonhisface.

“My… dad. I’m not sure if he’ll let me. In fact, I know he won’t. He’s really strict

aboutsuchthings.”

“Aboutwhatthings?Eatinglunch?”

“Aboutbeingoutofhissight.”

“You’rekidding,right?”Tylersaid.

“No.Iwish.Sorry,”Brandonsaid.

“Well,itcan’thurttoask,canit?”

“Yeah,Iguessit’sworthashot.”

“Tellhimwe’regoingtodiscussthemeet,talkaboutcompetitions,thingslikethat,”

Tylersaid.“Ifthathelps.”

“That might not work so well. He’s super cautious about never sharing techniques

withanotherswimmer.Hewantsmetowineverytime.”

“TellhimI’vebeenincompetitiveswimmingforyearsandofferedtotellyouabout

some of the meets I’ve competed in, some of the other swimmers you’re likely to
encounteroutthereonthecircuit.”

Brandonnoddedenthusiastically.“Yeah,thatmightwork.”

“Let’sgiveitatry,”Tylersaidencouragingly.

“He’sgonnabeintheregivingtheteamholyhellrightnow,sothatmighttakealittle

while.”

“Why’sheinthelockerroom?He’snotthecoach,ishe?”

“No.He’snot.Buthethinkseveryoneshouldlistentohimsincehebankrollsalotof

sportsthings.”

“Wow.Well,yougodowhatyouneedtodo,andI’llwaitoutfrontforyou.”

They both turned when they heard Brandon’s father bellow from the door of the

lockerroom,“Brandon.Wherethehellareyou?Getyourassinherenow!”

“Gottago,”Brandonapologized.

“Seeyououtfrontinawhile.”

“Ihope.I’lltry.”

AHALF

hour later, when Brandon appeared in the lobby in front of the pool, he was

smilingashewalkeduptoTyler.

“Yeah?”Tylerasked.

“Yeah.Hesaidyes.”Hehadarguedatfirstandthentriedtoinvitehimselfalong,but

BrandonhadarguedTylermightnotshareasmuchwhilehewasthere.Itprobablyhelped
thathisdadalreadyhadplansthatafternoon.“Let’sgetoutofhere,”Tylersaid,returning
Brandon’ssmilewithhisown.

They made a dash for Tyler’s car and laughed in relief when they made it without

being stopped by anyone, especially by Brandon’s father. That had been Brandon’s one
fear.

“Whereshouldwego?”Tylerasked.

“Um, I don’t know. We never go out to eat. I hear some guys at school talk about

goingtothediner.Wecouldtrythat.There’snotalotofchoicesinthistown.Sorryabout
that.”

“Noworries.Ididn’tinviteyououtsowecouldsamplefinedining.Iinvitedyouout

tospendsometimewithyouandtalkwithyou.Foodjustseemedlikeareasonablewayto
goaboutit.”

“Why’dyouwanttotalktome?”Brandonasked.

“It’scomplicated,”Tylersaid.“Iguessthefirstthingthatcaughtmyeyeaboutyou

wasthatIlikedyournipples.”

“My…mywhat?Mynipples?”Brandonasked.

“Andthenyoursmile.Andthentherewasthemysterysurroundingyou.Youwereso

confidentonceyougotintothepool,butthenyouseemedtheexactopposite,nervousand
on edge, when you were out of the water.” He was quiet for a moment before adding,
“AndIsensedakindredspiritinyou.”

“Akindredspirit?”Brandonasked,feelinghopefulthathisbiggestdreamwasreal.

“AndthenofcourseIthoughtyoulookedhunkyashell.”

“What?”Brandonasked,hisvoicehigherthannormalwithshock.

“Justtobeperfectlyclear,youdounderstandthatI’mgay,right?”Tylerasked.

“You…you…youare?”

“Ohcrap,”Tylersaid.“Youdidn’tknow.Fuck.”Hesighed,droppinghisforeheadto

thesteeringwheel.“Okay,wheredoyouwantmetodropyou?”

Theydidnotlookatoneanotherforamoment.Therewasabsolutesilenceinthecar.

“There’sthediner,”Brandonsaid.“Youcanpullintotheparkinglotjustbeforeitand

parkinanyopenspot.Itdoesn’tlooktoobusy.”

When Tyler pulled in, he didn’t move to even turn the car off. “Sorry for the

confusion. I thought you knew and that you were gay too. I’m not usually wrong about
thesethings.IreallythoughtIwasrightafterthewayyoutouchedmeandthenwatched
mesocloselyatthepool.Guessthere’safirsttimeforeverything.Haveagoodlife.”

“Ithoughtweweregoingtogetlunch,”Brandonsaidmorecalmlythanhefelt.He

wasajumbledmessontheinside,amixofexcitement,adrenaline-fueledlustandpanic,
fearandrelief,allfightingfordominanceinhishead.

“So, you’re okay?” Tyler asked. “I mean, you know I’m gay and that I like you,

right?”

“Idonow,”Brandonsaidwithasmile.

“Andyou’reokaywiththat?”Tyleraskedcautiously.

Brandon was quiet for a moment before answering. “I’ve never said this to anyone

before, but I’m actually better than okay with it. I’m good with it. But you’ve got to
understandthisisallnewformesoI…justbepatientwithme.”

“Ofcourse.”Tylerbreathedasighofrelief.

THEDINER

wasmoderatelybusy,buttheywereabletogetaboothtowardtheback.

Seatedacrossthetablefromoneanother,BrandonwasdrawntoTyler’seyes,likemetalto
amagnet.

“What’swrong?”TyleraskedwhenhenoticedBrandonstaring.

“Youreyes.”

“What’swrongwithmyeyes?”Tylerasked.“Iknowchlorinecanmakethemred.Do

they look especially bad today?” He tried holding up the napkin dispenser to use as a
quickanddirtymirror.

“No.I’msorry,”Brandonsaidquickly.“There’snothing’swrongwiththem.It’sjust

theopposite.Ican’tstopstaringatthem.They’reso…real.”

“Real? That’s good, because they are. They’re my own,” Tyler said with a smile.

“Originalequipment.”

Brandon dropped his head forward to the table, the silverware bouncing from the

impact.

“I’msorry,”Brandonsaid.“I’msuchaloser.Imustsoundlikeatotalidiottoyou.”

“Ithinkyou’readorable,”Tylersaid,whichtotallydisarmedBrandon.

“Youboysreadytoorder?”theirwaitressasked.

“Ican,”Tylersaid.“Youready?”

“Sorry,Ihaven’tevenlookedatthemenuyet.Whatareyougetting?”

“Baconburgerandfries,”Tylersaid.

“I’llhavethesame,”Brandonsaid.

Whenthewaitresshadgone,BrandonhadaquestionforTyler.“Yousaidearlierthat

you…senseda…howdidyoudescribeit?”

“Akindredspirit.”

“Yeah,that’sit.Yousensedakindredspiritinme.”

“Itmeantyouweremakingmygaydarping.”

“Huh?”Brandonsaid.

“Igotastrongsensethatyouweregaytoo,”Tylersaid.

“How?WasIdoingsomethingobvious?”heasked,closetopanic.

“Notanythingthatanyoneelsewouldsee.ButthenIknewwhattolookfor.”

“I’msorrytobesodense,butexplainittome.Whatdidyousee?”

“Itwasthewayyoulookedatme,thewayyoumetandheldmygaze,thelustylook

yougaveme,”Tylersaidwithamischievoussmile.

“Ohno,pleasetellmeIdidn’t!”

“Relax,nooneelsewouldevenknowwhattolookfor.”

“Includingme,”Brandonsaiddejectedly,“sinceIkeepmissingwhatotherssee.”

“Youdo,youjustdon’tknowityet.Trustme,it’sthere,andwithtimeitwillbecome

secondnaturetoyou.”

“Howcanyoubesosure?”

“You’resittingherewithme,aren’tyou?”Tylersaidconfidently.

“Yeah,IsupposeIam.Idon’tthinkIcouldputitintowordsyet,butIthinkIkindof

understandwhatyou’resaying.Andfortherecord,you’renotthefirstpersontofigureit
out.Mybestfriend,Joel,hadmeallfiguredout.”

“Washeatthemeettoday?”Tylerasked.

“Yeah,hewasthere.Hecompetedinthefifty-meterfreestyle.”

“IthinkIrememberhim.Compact,muscular,powerfulswimmer?Kindofcockyand

confidentinthewayhecarriedhimselfoutofthepool?Isthathim?”

“Thatsoundslikehim.”

“Huh.Iwouldn’thaveguessedhimtobegay.”

“Oh, he’s not,” Brandon said immediately. “He’s totally straight, like 200 percent

straight.”

“Thenhowdidhefigureyouout?”Tylerasked,soundingconfused.

“I’m not entirely sure. I think he might be the Gay Whisperer. He’s got lots of gay

peopleinhisfamily,soIthinkheknowsmoregayfolksthanIdo,andhereI’mgayand
he’snot.

“Onceheknewaboutme,hedrovemetothecityandtookmetomyfirstgayyouth

supportgroupmeeting.”

“You’rekidding.Really?”

“Nope.Hefoundit,calledaheadoftimetocheckitoutandseeifitwassomething

that would be good, drove me there, took me in, and sat there with me for the full two
hoursofthemeeting.Iwassototallyblownawaybythat.Istillcan’tbelievehedidall
that—forme.”

“Andhe’sstraight?”Tylerasked.“He’sdefinitelyafriendtohangonto.”

“Oh,yeah.Noquestion,”Brandonsaid.

“TheGayWhisperer,huh?Ikindoflikethat.NexttimepointhimouttomesoI’m

sureI’mrememberingtherightguy.”

“Ifwe’reeverallinthesameplaceatthesametime,I’llintroduceyou.”

“CanIaskyouaquestion?”Tylersaid.

“Sure.Whynot?”Brandonsaid.

“Haveyoudated,youknow,girls?”Tylerasked.

“No. Never,” Brandon said, his head bowed, his gaze cast downward, feeling a bit

embarrassedbutconfusedbyhisownreactionaswell.“You?”heasked.

“Once.Ihatedit.No,that’snotfair.Itwasokay.Thegirlwasgreat,butIfinallywas

forced to admit that dating girls just wasn’t right for me. That night I realized suddenly,
likeafisttothegut,thatIwasn’tlikealltheotherguys.Theguysalltalkedinthelocker
room about women, tits, sex, all kinds of stuff—half of which I don’t believe—and I
alwaysthoughtIwouldbeinterestedinallthatsamestuff,butIjusthadn’tgotthereyet.

But that one date showed me I couldn’t force it. I couldn’t make it me. I couldn’t be
something I wasn’t. I guess I could have lied, but I don’t think I would have convinced
anybody in the long run. And I know I wouldn’t have been happy burying who I really
was. And in terms of sex,” Tyler said, lowering his voice a bit, “I’m quite honestly not
sureifIcouldevenhavegotten…youknow…ituptodosomethinglikethat.”

“Youwereforcedtorealizeitthatnightonthatdate,butdeepinsideyourself,how

longhaveyouknown,youknow,aboutyourself?”Brandonasked.

Tyler looked away and was silent for nearly a full minute. Brandon was starting to

think he’d blown it, asked the absolute worst possible question, committed some
unpardonablesin.HewasjustabouttoapologizewhenTylerspoke,voicebarelyabovea
whisper.“Forever.You?”

“Allmylife,longbeforeIknewwhatitmeant,”Brandonsaid.“Doesanybodyelse

know…aboutyou?”

“Mostofmyfriends,”Tylersaid.“You?”

“Well, my friend, Joel, and the people at the gay youth group, but everybody there

wasfirstnameonly,soIdon’thaveacluewhoanyofthemare.Oh,andyouandme.It
tookmealongtimetogettotheplacewhereIcouldhandletheidea.Andyouknow,now
itswaymorethanthinkingIcanhandleit—nowIthinkIlikeit.”

“Me too. Some guys have a hard time dealing with being different from everybody

else.Theywanttofitinandbejustthesameasalltheotherguys,butwe’renotthesame.
Wearedifferent,andthereisnodenyingthat.It’swhoyouare.It’swhoIam.It’s…it’s
justus.”

Foodlongsinceconsumedandplatesclearedaway,theycontinuedtotalk.Eachhad

so many questions for the other, since for each of them it was the first time they’d ever
hadanopportunityforanextendedconversationwithanothergayteen.Finallytheyeach
hadsomeonewithwhomtocomparenotes,shareexperiences,andjustbe.

WhenTylersaidheneededtoheadforhomesoon,Brandonwasshockedtoseehow

muchtimehadpassed.

“Ohcrap.Mydadisgoingtoshitabrick.I’vebeenoutfromunderhisthumbfortoo

long.Damn!”Brandonhopedhedidn’tlookandsoundasupsetashefelt.

“Ihearastorythere,”Tylersaid.“It’llgiveussomethingtotalkaboutthenexttime

wegettogether.I’lldriveyouhome.Howfarisyourhousefromhere?”

“Why?”Brandonasked.

“Whywhat?”Tylerasked,confused.

“Whywouldyouoffertodrivemehome?”

“Youneedtogethome,don’tyou?I’vegotacar,”Tylersaid.

“I’msorry.IguessIjustthoughtyou’dneedtogethome.”

“Yousuredoapologizealot.Relax.Idon’tbite.Well,”Tylersaidwithamischievous

grin,“thatis,unlessyouaskmetoandtellmespecificallywhereyou’dlikemetobite.”

Brandonpracticallypanted,hismouthopenslightly,hiseyesdilated.

“So,”Tylersaid,“shouldwegetgoingandtakeyouhome?”

“Um,” Brandon finally spoke. “We need to wait just a moment or two before we

leave.”

“Oh?”Tylersaidwithaknowingsmirk.“Whateverfor?”

“Youknowverywellwhy,”Brandonsaid,leaningforwardaswell.“I’mfuckinghard

now,that’swhy.”

“Let’ssee,whatcanwetalkabout?”

“No!”BrandonsaidwhenhesawthemischievousgrinonTyler’sface.“Notalkfrom

you.YouarewhyI’mintheconditionI’minrightnow.”

“You’re welcome,” Tyler said, bowing his head slightly, as one accepting adulation

fromanaudience.

Brandonclosedhiseyesforasecondandthenstartedtospeak.“Okay,let’ssee,the

president’seconomicplanisbeforetheSenaterightnow,butthechancesofitpassingare
notveryhigh.Thereisalotofinfightinginhisownpartyaboutwhowillsupportitand
whowillnot.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Tylerasked,confused.

“Safethings.Nonsexualthings.Andit’sworking,soshutup.”

“Sir,yes,sir,”hesaid,givingBrandonacrispsalute.

Afewminuteslater,theyleftthedinerandmadetheirwaytoTyler’scar.

“Sorry.Didn’tmeantoembarrassyou.Nowyou’vegotmedoingittoo,”Tylersaid.

“Doingwhat?”

“SayingI’msorry.Apologizingforsomethingthatisn’twrongorisn’tanyone’sfault.

So let’s get one thing on the table right now,” Tyler said. “I think you’re hot,” he said,
lookingBrandonintheeyes.“Ireallylikedtalkingtoyoutoday.You’renotjustapretty
face.Youhaveaprettyface—don’tgetmewrong.ButIliketherealyoubehindthat,the
youthatIsuspectveryfewpeopleevergettosee.Ilikeyou,alot,Brandon.”

“Canwefindadifferentwordthan‘pretty’?”Brandonasked.“Howabouthandsome,

orbutch?Somethingmoremanly,moremasculinethan‘pretty.’”

Tyler shook his head and laughed. “Fine. Handsome. Doesn’t change the fact that

you’restillhot.AndwhereIwasgoingwiththatwasjusttosayIhadareallygoodtime
today.Thankyou.AndI’dliketoseeyouagain,ifyouwouldbewilling.”

“Idon’tthinkourschoolscompeteagainstoneanotheranytimesoon,”Brandonsaid.

“Who said it had to be when we compete? I’m talking about something completely

unrelatedtoswimming,”Tylersaid.“Somethinglikeadate,evenifonlyyouandIknow
thatthat’swhatitis.”TylerlookedatBrandonwhowassilent,andthenstartedhiscarand
asked,“Now,tellmewhereI’mdrivingyou.”

“It’snotclose.It’saboutaten-minutedrive.”

“Noproblem.Ifyoucanguidemethere,I’mallset,”Tylersaid.

“Icandothat,”Brandonsaid,unabletosuppressasmile.

With Brandon’s directions, just about ten minutes later, they pulled into Brandon’s

driveway.

“Stophere,”Brandonsaidsuddenly,whichmadeTylerslamonthebrakes.

“Why?”Tylerasked,concerned.“What’swrong?”

“Sorry.Ishouldhavesaidsomethingsooner,butIdidn’trealize.I’veneverdonethis

before.Sorry.Rightherewe’reoutofsightofthehouseandtheroad,soIcandothis,”
Brandon said, before suddenly leaning over and kissing Tyler on the lips. Tyler didn’t
appear to have been expecting the kiss, but he adapted quickly and before long the two
hadakissgoingthatcouldsteamupthewindowsofthecarwithnotrouble.

Brandon pulled back quickly when he realized that his right hand had dropped to

Tyler’s pants and was massaging his erection through his jeans, while his left hand had
beenholdingTyler’sheadinplacefortheirkiss.

“Oh,shit.I’msosorry,”Brandonsaid.

“Why?I’mconfused.Whatdidyoudowrong?Itfeltprettyfuckingawesomefrom

thisside.”

“Sorry.Yes,itwaswonderfulfromthissidetoo.”

“Thenwhydidyoustop?”Tylerasked.

“Because I… I touched… I touched your dick. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done

that.”

“Whythehellnot?”Tylerasked.“Itfeltwonderful.Youdidn’tseemepullingaway,

didyou?ThatshouldtellyouthatitfeltgoodandIwasokaywithit.”

“Really?”

“Yes.Whywouldn’tI?Itfeltfuckingfantastic.”

Furtherconversationwasn’tpossiblebecauseBrandonheardtheunmistakablesounds

ofanothercarcomingupthedrivewaybehindthem.

“Fuck.Driveon.Quick.Damn.Damn.Damn.”

Turningtolookoutthebackwindowofthecar,Brandonsaidanxiously,“It’smydad.

Hecan’tcatchmekissingyou—oranyotherguyforthatmatter.Damn.Iwashopingyou
wouldn’thavetodealwithhim.I’msorryyou’regonnahavetotalktohim.”

“Really?I’mjustdroppingyouoff.”

“Trustme.He’sprobablyconvincedyou’vebeensqueezingteamsecretsoutofme.

Hecan’tconceiveofwhyanyoneelsewouldeverinvitemeouttolunch.”

Tyler stopped the car where Brandon had directed. As Brandon had feared, his dad

parkedbesidethem.BrandonknewhisdadwasgoingtowanttotalktoTyler.

“Word of warning,” Brandon said quickly. “If it feels like a cross-examination, it’s

becauseitis.”

“Got it,” Tyler said, before getting out of the car and walking around to greet

Brandon’sfatherwithabigsmile.

“Hi.I’mTyler.YoumustbeBrandon’sdad.Nicetomeetyou,sir.”Hewaslayingit

onthick.

Brandon’s dad looked at Tyler’s hand, paused for a moment, but finally took it and

shook. He did not, however, return his smile. Still holding tightly to Tyler’s hand, he
launchedintoquestioningTyler.

“Didyoufinishpumpingmysonforallofourstrategiesfortheseason?”heasked,

holdingtightlytoTyler’shand.

“Strategies?Forwhat?”

“Ourteamplansforhowtowin?That’swhyyouwantedtotalktohim.”

“No,it’snot.Wedidn’ttalkteamstuff.Wejusthadagreatlunchandtalkedaboutlife

ingeneral.”

“Why?”Brandon’sdaddemanded.

“Why?”Tylerparrotedbackthesinglewordquestion.“Whywhat?”

“WhydidyouwanttotalkwithBrandonifnottogetteamplansoutofhim?”

“We share a common background, and it was good to talk with somebody who

understandsandcanrelate.Ateamwinsbyswimmingfasterthantheotherguys.”

“Idon’tunderstand,”Brandon’sdadsaid.

“That’swhyItookhimtolunch,”Tylersaid.“BrandonandIarethesameage,and

havethesamebasiclifeexperience.You’relikeway,wayolderthanme,soIdon’tthink
we’dhavemuchtotalkabout.”

“Idon’tbelieveyou,”Brandon’sdadsaid.

“Dad!”Brandonsaidsharply.“You’reembarrassingme.Stopit.JustbecauseIdon’t

have a lot of friends now doesn’t mean I don’t want them. But if this is the way you’re
gonna treat any other people I become friends with, I’ll just have to make sure that you
neverknowanythingaboutthemsoyouwon’tbeasmiserabletothemasyou’rebeingto
Tyler.Nowletgoandbackoff,”Brandonordered,surprisinghimself.

Tyler couldn’t know it, but that was the first time Brandon had ever confronted his

fatherandorderedhimtodosomething.HisfatherreleasedTyler’shand,butTylerdidn’t
move,standinghisgroundagainsttheotherman.

“Youneedtoleave.Comeon,Brandon,let’sgetinside.”

“I’llbethereinaminute,”Brandonsaid.“Justgoaheadinside.”

“Brandon,Isaidcomewithme,now,”hisfatherangrilyordered,clearlyunhappyat

havinghissondisobeyadirectorder.

“AndIsaidI’dbethereinaminute.Ineedtoapologizetomynewfriendforyouand

yourbehavior.I’llbeinsideinaminute.”

Hisfather’seyeswerewide.

“Before I forget,” Tyler said, “I want to get your cell number and your email

address.”

Brandonsighed.“Sorry.I’mnotallowedtohaveeither.”

“What? Everybody has them. My grandparents are in their eighties, and they both

havecellphonesandemailaccounts.They’rebothonFacebookandTwitterand…Idon’t
understand.Whydon’tyouhavethem?”

“I’mnotallowed,”Brandonsaidinquietresignation.

“You’rekidding.Thatdoesn’tmakeanysenseatall.Well,IguessthatjustmeansI’ll

havetocomebacksowecantalkface-to-face.WhataboutnextSaturdayorSunday?Or
Fridaynight?Gotanythingplanned?”

“He’sbusy,”Brandon’sdadsaid,stillhoveringnearby.

“No,I’mnot,”Brandontoldhisdad.TurninghisattentionbacktoTyler,hestartedto

ask,“What—”

“Brandon,Isaidyouwerebusy,”hisdadinterrupted.

“Dad,goinside,please.”

Hisfatherglaredathimwithanintensitythatspokevolumes.

“Makeitquick,”heorderedBrandonasheturnedtowalktowardthehouse.

Oncehewasinsidewiththedoorclosed,Tylersaid,“Wow.Iseewhatyoumean.He

reallyistotallyfocusedonwinningandonhavingabsoluteandcompletecontroloveryou
atanycost.”

“That’stheonlythingthatmatterstohim.”

“Dude,I’dhatetohavehimasafather.I’msosorry.”

“Tellmeaboutit,”Brandonsaidashesighedinresignation.“SometimesIwishfor

thedayswhenhebarelyknewIwasalive.”TheyleanedbacksidebysideagainstTyler’s
carforafewminutes,neithersayinganything.Sincetheirhandswerenotvisiblefromthe
house,Tylergentlytwinedtwooftheirfingerstogether.Brandonsmiled.

“Hedoesn’tkeepanygunsinthehouse,doeshe?”Tylerasked.

“No,”Brandonsaid.

“Good,”Tylersaid.“I’dhatetogetshotforkeepingyououtsidetensecondslonger

thanhewanted.”

“I’mreallysorryabouthim.Joelcallshimarealdick.”

“Yep, sounds about right. Is he gonna give you lots of grief about talking to me

today?”

“Ofcourse.ButI’musedtodealingwithhim.”

“So,aboutnextweekend,whatwouldworkforyou?”

“I’ve got nothing planned. I’m not allowed out of his sight and he’s not going

anywherenextweekend,soI’llbehere.I’msurehe’lltrytopileextrachoresontometo
keepmesobusyIwon’thavetimetotalkwithyou.”

“Lethimtry,”Tylersaidwithasmile.

“Don’tworry,hewill.”

“SohowaboutSaturdaymorningaboutteno’clock?Wouldthatworkforyou?”

“Soundswonderful,”Brandonsaid.“I’lllookforwardtoitallweek.”

“Good.I’llbehereandwillseeyouthen.Butnow,sadly,Ineedtohittheroadand

headhome.Gotatonofhomeworktodoyettoday.”

“Metoo,”Brandonagreed.

Itwasatoss-upastowhichofthemhadthebiggersmileonhisface.

Tylerwavedasheturnedaroundanddroveoffdownthedriveway.Brandonhatedto

seehimgoandhalfwishedhecouldjustjumpbackintothecarandgowithhim.Hehad
togoinsideandfacehisfatherandanswerforhiscrimesoftreasonandconsortingwith
theenemy.Helovedlife,buthehatedthewarpedspinhisfatherplacedonthatlife.

Brandon didn’t have to wait long to hear what his father thought. Of course he

alreadyknew.Theonlyquestionwashowthewholethingwouldplayoutthisafternoon.

Hedidn’tevenhavethedoortothehouseclosedbeforehisfatherwasinhisface.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” his dad shouted at him as he stepped

insidethehouse.

“Closing the front door,” Brandon said, managing to keep a straight face. He was

determinednottolethisdadgettohim.

“Cut the crap. You know very well what I mean. And you are never to disobey me

likethateveragain,especiallynotinfrontofsomeone.”

“Onlyifyoupromisenottoembarrassmeinfrontofsomeoneelseinthefuture.”

Brandondidn’tknowwhathadmadehimsogutsy.He’dneverdonethisbeforeand

feltamixtureoffearandelation.Perhapsitwashavingaglimpseoftherealworld,ora
taste of what life could potentially offer, of some of the forbidden fruit just beyond his
reach. Whatever the cause, Brandon had started down that pathway and there was no
backing down when dealing with his father. Backing down was seen as a weakness, a
flaw,afailing,somethingtobeexploited.

Sincehewasonaroll,Brandoncontinued.“AndIknowyoucan’tdothat,soyou’ve

gotyouranswer.Now,I’vegothomeworktodo.”

“Justoneafternoonwithsomestrangerandlookatyou.You’veneverdisobeyedme

before. You’ve never been so disrespectful before. That’s why you’re never to see him
again.Lookwhathe’sdonetoyouinjustacoupleofhours.”

“Sorry,Dad,butthisisyourdoing.Hehadnothingtodowithit.InfactIdon’tthink

wetalkedaboutyouoncethewholetimeweweretogether.Thisisallyourimagination
workingovertime.Ifyouhadsimplybeenevenmildlypoliteorpleasantforonceinyour
life,thennoneofthiswouldhavehappened.Butyoucouldn’tdothat.Youhadtopicka
fightwithaninnocentman.Icouldn’tstandbyanddonothing.Now,asIsaid,I’vegot
homework.”

Brandonhadneverlivedsoclosetotheedgebefore,butthefactthathe’ddoneitand

livedtotellaboutitwasanexhilaratingexperience.Forthefirsttimeinhislifeherealized
thatperhapsheneededtochangethewaythingswereworking.

Chapter9—That’sWhatFriendsAreFor

TIMEAFTER

time Brandon had initiated the cell phone conversation with his father,

buteachandeverytimetheoutcomewasthesame:no.Theargumentsmightvary,butthe
outcomedidnot:itwastooexpensive;itdidn’tserveanyusefulpurpose;hedidn’tneed
onesincehedidn’thaveanyonetocommunicatewith;hecouldusethehousetelephone;it
wouldbeadistractionfromhistraining,andhisfocusneededtobeonswimming.

Another thing his peers all had that Brandon did not was a driver’s license. He had

dutifully taken driver’s education one summer so that when he got his license he would
qualify for lower insurance rates. But when it came time for him to take the test and
actually get his license, his father, not surprisingly, had one conflict or another and
couldn’ttakehim.

AllhewantedtodowasbeabletocontactTyler.Hedidn’twanthisfatherlistening

inonhisconversationswithhisnewfriendforanynumberofreasons.Hedidn’twantto
accidentallyouthimself.

Thingsbetweenfatherandsonwerealittletensethefirsttwenty-fourhoursafterhe’d

stoodupforhimself.Sincetheywerealreadyonedge,Brandonfiguredhehadnothingto
lose,sothenightafterTyler’svisitheaskedhisfatherasimplequestion.

“Whencanyoutakemeformydriver’slicensetest?”

“What?”hisdadasked.

“Isaid—”

“Iheardwhatyousaid.Wheredidthatquestioncomefrom?Ithoughtwehadsettled

this.Alicenseisaluxuryyoudon’thavetimefor.”

“I’vebeenthroughdriver’sed.I’vedoneallofthetraining.AllIneedistotakeand

passthetest.”

“Andwhereisitthatyouwanttodrive?”hisfatherasked,clearlycaughtoffguardby

Brandon’squestion.

“Idon’tknow.ButIneedtogetmylicense.”

“Why?”hisfatherdemanded.

AndthiswaswhereBrandonhadasecretweapon.

“WhenIwastalkingwithTyleryesterday,hetoldmethatwhenIneedtotraveltoa

competition a long ways from home that I need a driver’s license to be able to fly.
ActuallyhesaidagovernmentissuedphotoID,suchasadriver’slicenseorapassport.He
toldmeIshouldgetonitsothatifthingsdon’tgowellinthetest,Ihavetimetotakeit
again later. You’ve traveled to Florida and California every year. What identification do

you use when you fly?” Brandon asked, knowing full well the answer to his question.
Eventhoughoneepisodedidnotmakeatrend,Brandonfeltempoweredtopushthingsa
bitmore.

“Tylersaidhecouldtakeme,butsaiditwouldbebettertogowithyouandtakethe

testonacarI’vedrivenandamcomfortablewith.Doesthatmakesensetoyou?”Thelast
part was a bone he was tossing his father, not that he wanted to, but Tyler had
recommendedhehandleitthisway.

Afterquietconsideration,hisfatherfinallysaid,“I’llhavetocheckmycalendarand

yourcompetitionandtrainingcalendarsandseeifit’spossible.”

“Okay.Don’ttaketoolong.Idon’twanttoforfeitamatchjustbecauseIdon’thave

therightIDtogetontoanairplane.Thatwouldjustsuck.”

Brandon left the issue alone for the remainder of the evening, deciding to wait and

seehowlongittookhisfathertogetbacktohim.Hewasn’tsurehisfatherwouldagree,
butifhedidn’tagree,hewaspreparedtopushagain.

A COUPLE

of days later when Brandon and Joel paused for a moment between

swimminglapstocatchtheirbreath,Joelwhisperedtohim,“Theyouthgroupmeetingwe
wenttoishappeningagainthisweekend.Doyouwanttogoagain?”

“More than you know, but you know my situation. I don’t see any way for that to

happen.”

“Butyouwouldliketoattend,right?”Joelpushed.

“Yes,absolutely.Ilearnedsomuchaboutsomanythingsthere.I’dlovetogoagain.I

justdon’tseeithappening.”

“LetmeworkonitabitandseewhatIcancomeupwith.Howarethingsbetween

youandyournewbuddy?Youtwotalking?”

“Can’t. I can see it now—my dad would want to sit right beside me and listen to

everywordIsaid.No,thatwouldn’twork.”

“Thatsucks,”Joelsaid.

BrandontoldJoelaboutTylerandhisdadmeeting.

“Whatadick,”Joelsaidsoftly.

“Comeon,Brandon!Enoughloafingaround,getwithit.Swim,dammit.You’renot

hereforfun,you’reheretowork.”

“There’sthelighthousefoghorn,”Joelsaid.

Brandonlaughedlightlybeforeslippinghisgogglesbackonandstartinganotherlap.

ASPROMISED

Tylershowedupatthedooratteno’clockonSaturdaymorning.And

as Brandon had anticipated, his father had gone out of his way to make it just about
impossibleforBrandontoeasilyspendanytimewithTyler.Brandondidgetalonglistof
chores. Hell, Brandon didn’t think they could all be done in one week of nonstop work.
Some of the “chores” were not at all urgent and had been on his father’s to-do list for
years.Hedidn’tknowifhisfatherthoughthewasstupid,orifhejustdidn’tcare.

WhenTylerknockedonthedoor,Brandonmanagedtogettherefirstandopeneditto

givehisnewestfriendabigsmileashesteppedoutsideandclosedthefrontdoorbehind
him.They’dmadeapointofmovingawayfromthehousetoavoidbeingoverheard.

“So?Howbadisit?”Tylerasked.

“Bad.Thelistismoreworkthatanyonemancanpossiblydoinoneday.”

“Well,then,let’sgettowork,”Tylersaid.

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“JustwhatIsaid.Ifyouhaveworktodo,I’llhelpyouandwecanspendsometime

togetherandtalkwhilewework.”

“Really?”Brandonasked.“You’dbewillingtodothat?”

“Absolutely.AndIhopeyoudon’tmind….”

“Yes?”Brandonwasimmediatelysuspicious.“Whatdidyoudo?”

“Me?Dosomething?Whateverwouldmakeyouasksuchaquestion?”

“Talk,”Brandonordered.

“Imadeacoupleofphonecallsthisweek.ItalkedwithsomeoneIthinkyoumight

know.Hesaidhe’dbegladtocomeoverandhelpusaswell.”

“Who?”Brandonasked.

Ratherthananswerwithwords,Tylerjustturnedtowardthedrivewaywhenheheard

acarapproaching.Hegesturedtowardthecar.

“Joel?You…?How…?”

“I’m resourceful. Joel and I had a couple of very enlightening conversations this

week.Hesaidthathe’dbegladtohelp,intheinterestof….Well,I’lllethimtellyouall
thatlater.”

“Bran,”Joelsaidexcitedly,givingBrandonabighugfirst.Smilestillcrankedupto

stellarintensity,heturnedtoTylerandsaid,“AndyoumustbeTyler.”HegaveTylerabig
hugaswellandthensteppedbackandlookedhimallupanddown.

“Sowhatisitthatthedickhasusdoingtoday?”

Before Brandon could answer, though, the front door of the house swung open and

hisfathercameoutsidetowardthem.

“Boys,Brandonhasalotofworktodotodayanddoesn’thavetimetoplay.You’ll

havetogohomesohecangettowork.”

“Oh,we’reheretohelp,”Joelsaid,seemingtotakeparticularpleasureindelivering

thismessage.

“Hedoesn’tneedhelp.Hejustneedstobearesponsibleadultandgettowork.”

Raising his voice as if speaking to someone who had problems hearing, Joel said

loudly,“We’reheretohelphim.That’swhatfriendsdoforoneanother.”Turninghisback
onBrandon’sfather,hesaid,“Okay,guys,whatfirst?”

“Cleaning out the garage is the monster job. I don’t think anybody has touched it,

otherthantopilemorejunkinsideit,intwentyyears.Thecarhasn’tfitinsidetherefor
morethantenyears.”

“Thenlet’sgettoit,”Joelsaid,rubbinghishandstogetherinmockenthusiasmforthe

task that lay ahead of them. When Brandon opened the garage door so they could see
inside,Joel’scommentsaiditall.“Wow.Youweren’tkidding,wereyou?”

“Nope,”Brandonsaid.“Arealmess,huh?”

BYNOON

thethreeofthemwereabletomakeadentinthetask.Byfourwhenthey

called it quits, they could hardly believe it was the same building. The before and after
conditions were worlds apart and even Brandon’s father was unable to hide his shock at
whattheyhadmanagedtogetdoneinoneday.

Joelstruckwhiletheshockwasgreatestandsaid,“Andnowthethreeofusaregoing

overtomyhousetovegoutforacoupleofhoursandwatchsomethingmindlessonTV.”
Withoutwaitingforapproval,ordisapproval,JoeldraggedBrandonintohiscarandtook
offwithTylerclosebehind.

At Joel’s house, he played good host and got the guys set up in the basement with

snacksanddrinks.Hesatwiththemwhiletheyflippedthroughhundredsofchannelsto
findsomethingtowatch.

After five minutes of surveying the options, Joel had a more serious question for

Brandon.“Howmuchshitisthedickgonnagiveyouforthewayweplayedhimtoday?”

“Ihavenoidea.Thishasneverhappenedbefore.”

“I’m sure he’s gonna be mighty pissed that for five minutes you are not under his

scrutiny.”

TylercuddledupnexttoBrandonandsaid,“I’msosorryforthehellyouhavetolive

withbecauseofthatguy.”

“Thanks,”Brandonsaid,kissingTyler’sforeheadquickly.“It’swhatI’musedto.I’ve

neverhadachoice.”

“Well,”Tylersaid,“I’mstillsorryyouhavetoendureit.Asmuchaspossible,please

knowthatwhileI’maroundI’llhelpyouwithit.Ofcourse,I’mnotheremorethanIam
here.”

“That’s where I come in,” Joel chimed in. “Now that I know what’s going on. And

I’maprettyballsykindofguy,soIhavenoproblemtakinghimon.”

“Yougotbigballs?”Tylerasked.

“No,” Brandon said, holding up a hand toward each guy. “I forbid it. Joel, do not

eventhinkofit.”

“What?”Joelteasinglywhined.

“Iknowyou.Remember,youaretokeepyourpantsonandinplace.Therewillbeno

showingoffyourgoodiestomyboyfriend,gotit?”

Tyler’s head snapped around quickly to look directly at Brandon. “You called me

your boyfriend,” Tyler said, snuggling even closer to Brandon as they lay on the sofa,
theoreticallytowatchthetelevision.“Ilikethesoundofthat.”Heloopedoneofhislegs
over Brandon’s torso and draped one arm over his chest, his head resting on Brandon’s
shoulder.“Mmm,”hevocalizedsoftly.

They watched something mindless on TV, and then Joel excused himself to go be

elsewhereandgiveBrandonandTylersometimetobealone.“Okay,guys,I’mgonnago
upstairs so you can do… stuff I wouldn’t do. Make me proud, but please, don’t tell me
afterwardwhatyoudid.”Joeltookthestairsthreeatatimeandwasgoneinacoupleof
seconds.

“Thankyou,”BrandonsaidquietlyasheheldontoTyler.

“Forwhat?”Tylerasked.

“For today. For tracking down and calling Joel and making all of this happen. You

twogaveupyourwholedaytohelpmedealwithmycrazyfather.”

“You’reverywelcome,”Tylersaid,smilingimpishly.“WanttoknowwhatI’mgoing

tochargeyouformyservicestoday?”

“Maybe?”Brandonsaidnervously.

TylerpulledBrandonoverontopofhimandtheirlipsfoundtheircounterparts.From

therenaturedrovethecar,andtheyjusthungonandenjoyedthescenery.

Chapter10—EnglishAssignment

THEFOLLOWING

daywasbacktotheroutine.Hisfatherwashisusualyellingselfat

practice,andBrandon’steammatesallclearlyfounditbeyonddistracting.Oneofthefew
timestheywereallowedtopausebetweenlaps,JoelwhisperedovertoBrandon.“I’vegot
aplan.”

“Aplan?Forwhat?Youplanningtorobabankorsomething?”

“Nothinglikethat.Somethingwaymoreboldanddaring.”

“I’mlistening,”Brandonsaid.

“We’regonnapulloneoveronyouroldman.”

Brandonlaughedlightly.“Yeah,goodluckwiththat.”

“Trustme.”

When they crawled out of the pool, exhausted, they tiredly made their way into the

showerswheretheybothluxuriatedinthefeelofthehotwatercascadingovertheirsore
andtiredmuscles.

“I feel like somebody just kicked my ass,” Joel said, in his usual less-than-tactful

manner.

“Ditto,”Brandonagreed.

For a moment the only sound was the water cascading over their bodies. Only

because they were alone in the showers, Joel could ask, “So now that you’ve got a
boyfriend,canIgobacktoteasingyouwithmymanliness?Withmymasculineways?”

Brandon looked at him. “With your manliness?” He stared at Joel, revealing no

emotionorresponse.

“Yeah,youknow,letmysexinessloosetoromparoundfree.Whatwouldyouthink

aboutthat,huh?”

Brandon continued to stare at him. “What are you planning to do? Get a boner and

startstrokingyourselfinhere?”

“No,dude,juststoptryingtokeepmyheadymasculinitysotightlyunderwraps.I’ve

been doing it for you, you know? Keeping myself in check. Not shaking my
moneymaker,”hesaid,turningaroundandwigglinghisbuttatBrandon.“Thingslikethat,
youknow?”

Brandoncontinuedtostareathim,finallysaying,“Idonotknowyou.”

“Ofcourseyoudo.I’moneoftheworkersontherailroadthat’sgonnatrytogetyou

tofreedomandthepromisedland,outfromunderthebigdick.”

“Hasanyoneevertoldyouthatyoutalkaboutdicksanabnormallyexcessiveamount

ofthetime?”

“Nope.”

“Well,allowmetodothehonors.Dude,you’refixatedondicks.Youtalkaboutthem

alot.”

“MustbebecauseI’vegotsuchaperfectone,”Joeljoked.

Brandonsnorted.

“IcanseeIhavetoshowittoyoumoreoften,”Joelsaid,rinsingtheshampoooutof

hishair.

“Back to the main point,” Brandon tried. “How are you planning to pull off this…

this…whateveritisyou’vegotplanned?”

“You’llsee.”

Astheytoweledoffanddressed,sidebyside,BrandonnoticedthatJoelwastaking

anabnormallylongamountoftimedryinghishair.Brandonguessedthatthiswastogive
himagoodchancetoadmireJoel’snakedbody.Theguywasatotaltease.ButBrandon
couldlaughaboutitnow.

Once they were dressed, their bags packed up, they headed out to the front of the

buildingwhereBrandon’sdadwaswaitingforhim.

“Youready?”Brandon’sdadaskedhim.

“Yep.”

“Whattookyousolongtoday?Iswear,somedaysyouaresoslow.”

Joeljumpedinunexpectedlyatthatpoint.“Wewerejusttalkingabouttheworkwe

havetodothisafternoon,tryingtofigureoutthebestapproach.Whichlibrariesareyou
guysgoingtofirst?”heaskedBrandon’sdad.

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?I’mnotgoingtoanylibrarytoday.I’mgoinghometo

mychairtowatchthefootballgame.I’vebeenwaitingtoseethesetwoteamsupagainst
oneanother,andI’mnotgoingtomissit.”

“Bran,” Joel said, projecting a worried expression. “How are you gonna get the

assignmentdone?”

Brandon played his part. “I don’t know. I guess I’m gonna fail this one, or get an

incomplete.”

“Thatsucks,”Joelcommented.

“Nokidding.”

“Hey,whydon’tyouridewithme?Wecancutourworkinhalfbecausewe’reafter

thesamethingssowhenoneofusfindsthem,we’lltelltheother.It’llbeperfect.Isthat
okaywithyou,Mr.McCall?Thatwayyoucanwatchyourgameandwecangetourwork
donequicker.”

“Whatassignmentisthis?Whyhaven’tIheardanythingaboutit?”hecomplained.

“English,” Joel said. “We’re supposed to track down a bunch of obscure references

andcopyapageoftheoriginaltoprovewefollowedthetrailandcanfigureouthowto
findstuff.Iguessit’ssupposedtoprepareusforcollegeresearchorsomething.It’sapain,
ifyouaskme.”

“Fine,” Brandon’s dad reluctantly agreed. “I don’t want you out wandering around

gettingintotrouble.”

“Andhowoftendoesthathappen?”Joelaskedjokingly.“Idon’tthinkBrandoncould

findtroubleifhehadto.He’stoogoodtoknowwhatitis.”

“I’m sure if he hangs around with you too much, you’ll teach him all he needs to

knowabouttrouble.”

Joel tried to look shocked, but it didn’t work, so he laughed. “Nah. Got to get this

projectfinished.Iwantthisonedoneandoutoftheway.”

“Iwantyouhomeby…howlongareyoutalking?”

Joelanswered.“Wehavetogotothecity,sothat’shalfanhour.I’mstarving,sowe’ll

grabsomelunch.Yougotmoney,Bran?”heaskedsmoothly.

Brandonshookhisheadandlookedathisdadwhoreluctantlypulledouthiswallet

andhandedoveraten-dollarbill.“Iwantchangebackfromthat.”

“Weshouldbebackbymidtolateafternoon,longbeforedark,”Joelsaid.

“Seethatyouare,”Brandon’sdadordered,leavingthebuildingtowalktohiscar.

After Brandon and Joel watched him drive off, Brandon turned to Joel and said,

“Damn.You’regood.”

“Stickwithme,kid.I’llteachyoueverythingIknow.”

“Yougonnateachmehowtopickupguys?Huh?”heaskedeagerlyandjokingly.

JoellookedatBrandonoutofthecornerofhiseye.“I’llteachyouthesignstolook

for.Idon’tspeakpickingupmen,soyou’llhavetofiguresomeofthatoutonyourown.”

“Can’tyoujustwiggleyourbuttataguyandseehowhereacts?”Brandonaskedas

theywalkedtoJoel’scar.

“No.Thatrequiresnothavingpantson,andI’mnottakingmypantsoffinpublic,”

Joelsaid.

HALFAN

hour later, they were in the city and back to the same fast food restaurant,

where, much to Brandon’s surprise, Tyler was waiting for them. When Brandon spotted
him,Tyler’ssmilewaspositivelyradiant.

HegaveTyleraquickhugbutpulledawayfasterthanhewouldhaveliked.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”heasked.

“Youdon’twanttoseeme?”hejoked.

“Areyoukidding?Iwanttocrawlintoyourlapandneverletgo.”

Joelwalkedupjustintimetohearthat.“That’smyboy!”hesaid,clappinghimon

theback.“Hey,Tyler.Thanksforcoming,man.”

“Yousetthisup?”Brandonasked,lookingatJoel.

“Yeah, kinda,” Joel said. “It was more of a cooperative venture, I think you could

say.”

“Joelcalledandtoldmewhathehadinmind,andIcameupwiththeideaforhowto

pullitoff.BeforeIforget,here’syourresearch,”hesaid,handingeachguyamanilafile
folderwithafewpapersinside.

“Thanks,man,”Joelsaid.“Youarethebest.”

“How—”Brandonwasthoroughlyconfused.

“Thiswasanactualassignmentwehadearlierthisyear.Well,aslightvariationonan

assignment we had. We didn’t have to go all over the city, only to one library. But the
articles you’ve got don’t indicate where they were obtained, in case anyone asks or
checks.”

BrandonlookedatJoel,backtoTyler,andthenbacktoJoel.

“You know,” Brandon said, “if he asks any questions of anybody else, we’re

screwed.”

“Yep,”Joelsaid.“Sometimesyoujustgottotakeachance.Andthethoughtofyou

two not being able to talk was just wrong, so it seemed like a good idea to me.” Joel
handedhisphoneovertoTylerandsaid,“Putyournameandnumberintheresoyouand
Bran can talk using my phone sometimes. It won’t work for long calls, but at least you
mightbeabletosayhitooneanotheronceinawhile.”

Tyler did as instructed. Handing the phone back, he said, “You are a prince among

men.”

AFTERLUNCH

the three of them drove over to the library nearby to attend the gay

youthgroupmeeting.NotallofthefaceswererecognizabletoBrandon.SinceTylerhad
neverbeenthere,theywereallnewtohim.

The discussion was good, but for Brandon it was secondary. The chance to

unexpectedlysittogether,sidebyside,holdinghandsinagroupofpeopletheirownage
andwithnojudgmentwassimplypriceless.

Ashehadthefirsttime,Joelstayedtheentiretimeandtookpartinthediscussion.

AfterwardTylerandBrandonwatchedwhenanattractiveguy,likelyajockbythelooksof
things, slowly made his way over to Joel as he stood by the refreshment table. He was
clearlynervous.Hegavethetypicalmaletippingofhischinupward,handsinhispockets,
neutral expression on his face. Brandon admired how comfortable Joel was at making

conversationwithcompletestrangers.

“Hey,”thenewguysaid.

“Hey!” Joel replied. “I’m Joel. Sorry, I’m terrible with names. I know you said it

earlier,buthelpaguyouthere.”

“Tim”wastheonewordanswer.

“Hey,Tim,”Joelsaid,smilingandextendingahand.“Nicetomeetyou,dude.How

youdoing?”

“Good.You?”

The two were never going to win an award for the most memorable conversation

ever.

“I couldn’t be better,” Joel said enthusiastically, which earned a small smile from

Tim.

“Good,”hecommented.Helookeddownatthefloororhisfeetorbothforamoment

beforehesaid,“You’re…you’re…um.Ireallylikeyoursmile,man.You’rereallycute.”

“Damn.Anotherguywholikesmeformysmile,Joelsaid.“Thismakesnosense.I

amthispictureofmasculinityandrawsexuality,washboardabs,agreatass,andwell…
youknow,workingguyparts.ButfirstBrandonandnowyou.Idon’tgetit.Don’tgetme
wrong, Tim. I appreciate hearing that. It’s always nice to hear when someone finds you
attractive,eventhoughmybuddyBrandondoesn’t,”hesaid,drawingBrandonandTyler
intotheconversation.

“Hey,wait,”Timsaid,“Ithoughtyousaidhefoundyoursmilehot,likeIdid?”

“Ineversaidhewasn’tcute,”Brandonoffered.“Ijustaskedhimtostopflashingme

hisgoodiesallthetime.They’rereallynice.Buthavingthemwagginginmyfaceevery
daywasdoingamajornumberonmylibido.”

Tim’smouthhungopenalittle.“Um,youcan.”

Joellookedconfused.“I’msorry?What?Whocanwhat?”

Timblushed.“Youcan…withme.Imean,I’lllookifyouwanttoshowme.Ithink

you’re really hot. I… I like your muscles. You can show me your… well, anything. I’ll
look,”hesaid,blushingdeeppink.

Joel skillfully changed the focus of the conversation. “Got ’em from swimming

thousandsofmiles.Everymorningatsix,BranandIareatthepooldoinglaps,doingour
endurancetraining.”

Chapter11—ForWantofaTelephone

AFTERTYLER’S

weekend visit to help Brandon clean out the garage, followed by

oneofthebesthoursofBrandon’slifespentonJoel’sbasementsofa,andthenbyjoining
the guys at the gay youth group meeting, Tyler became a regular visitor to Brandon’s
house just about every weekend. When he arrived, he always got the evil eye from
Brandon’sfather.

Out of earshot of Brandon’s father, one weekend Tyler said, “It’s like your dad just

doesn’tseemtograspwhyIwouldwanttohangaroundwithyou.Healwayslooksatme
sosuspiciously,likeI’monlyheretorobhimorsomething,whenreallyallIwanttosteal
isyourheart.It’snotlikeI’mtryingtomakeoffwiththesecretrecipeforhowtomake
Cokeorsomething.”

Brandon’sdadwatchedthetwoofthem,likeahawklookingforanyopportunityto

diveinandgoforthekill.Hewatchedthemtalk,hewatchedthemwalk,andhewatched
themevenwhentheywerejustsittingquietlytogether.Itwasabundantlyclearhedidnot
understand the friendship that had developed between Tyler and Brandon, and he most
certainlydidnotapprove.

After about a month, one Saturday after Tyler left, his dad finally couldn’t stand it

any longer and told Brandon, “All right. Enough. You need to stop this and focus on
what’simportant.”

“Oh?”hesaid,lookingathisfather.

“You’ve had your little fun, now send that boy away and focus on your swimming.

You’renotakidanymore.”

“Yes, Dad, I know that, but you don’t seem to have figured that out yet,” Brandon

said,surprisinghimselfbykeepinghisvoiceflatandcalm.

“Whatdidyoujustsaytome?”hisfatherdemanded.

“YousayI’mnotakid,butthatispreciselyhowyou’vebeentreatingmebytryingto

controlmyentirelifeandruneverything.It’sjustkillingyouthatI’vemadeafriendon
myownandyou’renotpartofit.”

“He’strouble,Brandon.He’snothingbuttrouble.He’sgotanangle.Iknowhedoes.I

don’tknowwhatitisyet,butIguaranteethathe’suptosomethingandyou’regoingtobe
theonewhogetshurt.”

“Heisnottrouble,Dad.He’safriend,andI’mdoingjustfine.”

“Enough!”Hisfatherglaredathim.“He’snottocomearoundhereanymore.That’s

final.”

“No, that doesn’t work for me,” Brandon said, doing his best to remain calm, even

thoughhewasfeelinganythingbut.

“Whatdidyoujustsaytome?”hisfatherdemanded.

“No,”Brandonsaid,lookingdirectlyathisfatherandspeakingveryclearly.“Itisnot

your decision to make. It is mine, and I said no.” Brandon somehow even managed to
keep his body language relaxed in order to project an in-charge, confident attitude. He
didn’tknowwherethatabilitywascomingfrom,butheknewhehadtoshowhisfather
thatthingswerechanging.

The conversation ended in a draw that day. After a few weeks of basically an

agreementtodisagree,full-onhostilityhadreturnedtothehousehold.Forthefirsttwenty-
fourhours,therewasalotofscowlingandunhappylooksfromBrandon’sdad.Brandon,
for his part, was perfectly comfortable with his father being unhappy—it seemed like
reasonablepaybackforthemanyyearsofunhappinesshe’dgiventoBrandon.

Through Joel, Brandon was able to get word to Tyler that his father had upped the

anteandtoldBrandontostopseeingTyler—andthatBrandonhadnointentionofdoing
that.Whileitwasdifficulttodeveloparelationshipwhileconstantlyunderthemicroscope
of his dad, Brandon was most certainly not about to give up on the first good thing to
happentohiminyears.StillhewantedTylertoknowthatwhenhearrivedonSaturday,he
neededtobepreparedformorehostilitythanusual.

Brandon was surprised on Saturday morning. When Tyler arrived, he had Joel with

him.Aspredicted,Brandon’sdadwasamiserablepainintheasstoallthreeofthem,but
that was where Joel came into the picture. He was there to distract Brandon’s dad so
BrandonandTylerhadsomealonetime.

Not only was Brandon frustrated by only seeing Tyler once a week and not having

furthercontactforanothersevendays,butTylerwasaswell.Withhisdaddistracted—not
happily—forafewminutes,BrandonandTylerwentoutbackbythemselves.

“I’ve got something for you,” Tyler began immediately. “Here.” He handed a small

boxtoBrandon.

“Whatisit?”Brandonasked.

“Awayforustokeepincontactbetweenvisits.”

“Idon’tunderstand,”Brandonsaid,alookofconfusiononhisface.

“It’saphone.”

“Oh,Ty,Ican’ttakeyourphone.”

“It’snotmine,Bran.Itwouldn’tbeworthmuchtogiveyoumyphoneandthennot

haveoneofmyownforyoutocall,nowwouldit?I’vegotmine.Thisoneisforyou.I’ve
programmed my number into it. If we don’t have time today, Joel will show you how it
worksandhowtotextmeandhowtosendemailsandmakeitdoallkindsofsmartthings.
He’llhelpyousetupanemailaccounttoo.”

“Thisis…thisis…unbelievable.Thisistoomuch.Ican’ttakethis,”Brandonsaid,

startingtohandthestillunopenedboxbacktoTyler.

“Youaretakingit,”Tylersaid,pushingitbacktoBrandon.“Iwanttobeabletotalk

toyou,communicatewithyou,andthisisthewaywe’regonnabeabletodothat.”

Brandonsimplystaredattheboxforafullminute,notsayingaword,barelymoving

tobreathe.“Nobodyhaseverdonesomethinglikethisforme.Iwanttosaythankyou,but
thatjustdoesn’tseemlikeenough.”

Tylersnickered.“Don’tworry.We’llthinkofsomething.”

Brandon joined him in restrained laughter. They had to be cautious lest his father

becomeevenmoresuspiciousthanhealreadywas.

“Whatareyougoingtodoaboutyourdadbeingsuchadick?”Tylerasked.

“Idon’tknowyet.IthinkI’mgoingtohavetoplayitbyearandfigureitoutaswe

go.”

“Fairenough.”

“Oneofmyfantasiesisoneofthetwoofyouaccidentallydroppingabrickfromthe

upstairsofthebarnontohishead.”

“Oh,really?”Tylerasked.“Doyouwantmesenttoprison?”

“Hellno,”Brandonsaid.“I’llbeyouralibi.Youwerewithmethewholetime.”

“WhataboutJoel?”Tylerasked,playingalong.

“He’sakinkybastard—hewastherewatchinguskissing.”

“I’vealwayssuspectedhehadatouchofkinkinhim,”Tylersaidapprovingly.

Brandon opened the box and rubbed his fingers over the telephone again,

automaticallysmilingatTyler.

“You’ll need to keep that out of sight around your father. We’ll text and talk and

emailanduseFaceTimeandSkype.”

“Thankyou,”Brandonsaid.

“It’sstillnotthesameasbeingabletobetogether,towrapmyarmsaroundyou,and

doingthethingswedidthatweekendinJoel’sbasement.”

Brandondroppedhisgaze.“Thatwaskindofnice,wasn’tit?”

“Nice?Frommyside,itwasfuckingawesome.I’llhavetoworkhardernexttimeto

besureyougettheawesomenesstoo.”

“Okay,”Brandonagreedwithahugesmileofapproval.

“Andremember,wegetthatweekwhenhegoesofftoplaygolfinCalifornia.With

himgone,wearefinallygoingtohavethetimetoexploreallthethingswewanttoandtry
someofthestuffwe’vebeentalkingaboutforweeksnow.Havenodoubt—wearegoing
to make up for lost time while he’s away. We’re gonna rut like a couple of barnyard
animalsinheat,constantlyforasolidweek,”Tylersaidwithalookoflongingbordering
onlustonhisface.

BrandonsmiledatTyler.

“Brandon!”hisfatheryelled.

“Yeah?”

“Yourguestsareleaving.”

“I guess that means we’re being dismissed,” Tyler said. “I better go find Joel and

makesureyourdadhasn’tkilledhimorsomething.”

“Don’t worry about Joel. If I had to put money on him or my dad, I’m putting my

moneyonJoel.”

“I’llrememberthat.AndIthinkI’mgladhe’sonourside.”

“Metoo.”

“Brandon!”hisfatheryelledagain,louderthistime.

TYLER KEPT

showing up every Saturday like clockwork. When Brandon’s father

switchedhistrainingschedulesothathewasneverhomeonSaturdaysbeforenoon,Tyler
startedshowingupattheschoolpooltowatchBrandonpractice.ThetimeTylercameto
one of Brandon’s meets was one of Brandon’s proudest days. He blasted past his
competition that day to first place in his event. His father spoke of it as the product of
good training, but Brandon knew the truth—he’d do anything to earn one of Tyler’s
smiles.

Chapter12—WhiletheCat’sAway

BRANDON’SFATHER

wasscheduledtogooutoftownthatspringforanextragolf

outing. It was to be a week of golf, drinking fine bourbons, and smoking imported and
expensive cigars, none of which appealed to Brandon, which was just fine because he
wasn’tinvitedtoparticipateinanyofit.

Whenhisfathertalkedaboutcancelingthelong-standingtripsohecouldstayaround

and watch over Brandon to keep him and “that boy” separated, Brandon just rolled his
eyes. In the end, though, his father went away as originally scheduled. His father’s
solutionwastogiveBrandonanotherimpossiblelistofchores.Thelistwassoridiculous
there was simply no way any one guy could finish all the items even if he spent every
singledayforamonthworkingnonstop.

Brandondidn’tsayanythingtohisfather,justtookthelistandmentallydismissedit.

He wasn’t even going to bother trying. It was Easter break from school, his father was
going to be away, and he planned to spend every free minute with Tyler. Finally they
would have the time and space to try all the things they’d been wanting to do but had
neverhadthetimeortheprivacytoexplore.They’dtalkedthroughmanyofthem,having
someamazinglyhotphonesexintheprocess,tothepointthatBrandonfelthehadalready
experiencedthosethingssimplybecausetheimagesweresocrispinhismind.

Themorningheleft,Brandonwassurprisedwhenhisfatheraskedhimtodrivehim

totheairport.Itwasthefirsttimehe’dallowedBrandontodriveanywheresincegetting
hislicenseafewweeksearlier.

“Airportparkingisoutrageouslyexpensive,soitmakesbettersenseforyoutodrive

meoverandthentakethecarbackhome.Andwhenyougetitthere,youaretoparkitand
leaveitthereexceptforyourdailytripstothepooltopractice.Doyouunderstandme?”

“Ofcourse,”Brandonsaidwithoutanyemotion.

Hegothis fatherintothe airportwithall ofhisluggage, watched him pass through

security.Hewatchedhisdad’splanearrive.Itwaseasytofigureoutwhichonewashis—
therewasonlyoneplaneatanygateatthattime.

Hewaitedandwatchedastheplanemovedfromthegateandtaxiedouttotake-off.

Ashestoodwatching,theplaneturnedontotherunway,acceleratedandclimbedintothe
morning sky. With a spring in his step that was generally absent, Brandon raced back
downtothecarandinsteadofdrivinghome,drovedirectlytoTyler’shouse,eventhough
itwasanhouraway.

“Hegone?”TyleraskedexcitedlywhenheopenedthedoorforBrandon.

“Gone.”

“Good.Comeonupstairswithmeforaminute.”

They raced up the stairs to Tyler’s bedroom where he pushed Brandon against the

bedroom door before it was even all the way closed. Their kiss was so intense Brandon
wasn’tabletocontainhismoansofpleasureanddelight.

“Shh.They’llhearyou,”Tylersaid.

“Let’sgotomyplace.There’snoonethere,andwecanmakeallthenoisewewant,”

Brandonsuggested.

“Andwecanbenakedwhiledoingit,”Tyleradded.“I’malloverthatidea.”

Comingclosetobreakingafewspeedlimitsalongtheway,Brandondrovethetwoof

thembacktohishouse.Forthenexttwenty-fourhours,theyfinallywereabletodoallthe
things they’d wanted to do, all the things they’d talked about doing, and all the things
they’dimaginedduringphonesex.Andtheywereallspectacularlygood.

Withmonthsofpostponedsexualfulfillmentasfuel,theywastednotimeintearing

theirclothesoffandfallingnakedontoBrandon’sbed.

The first few times were inevitably fast. But after three times they began to slow

down and take their time, being a bit more nuanced in their interactions. There was less
urgency,lessofafeelingofhavingtodoeverythingimmediately,andtheywereabletodo
more exploring, kissing one another in places they had never thought could be hot, but
were.

Dayafterdaythatentireweektheyspentpracticallyeverywakingmomenttogether,

talking for hours on end, getting to know each other better, not to mention taking one
another to new and undiscovered heights of ecstasy. Together they discovered the
pleasuresandbreathlessnessonemancouldgivetoanother.Theyrelishedtheintimacyas
itcementedtheirbond.

Theiryoungrelationship,onethathadalwaysbeenfurtive—akissgrabbed in haste

whennoonewaslooking,frequentlyonlysecondsawayfrombeingcaught—couldatlast
slowdownandbeallowedthemorenaturalprogressionallyoungloverswanted.

During those days together, they established the foundation on which to build a

lasting relationship in the future. Not just a physical relationship but a deeply emotional
onethathappenedtoincludephysicalaspectsofconnectedness.

BUT SADLY

all good things must come to an end. After being away for a week,

Brandon’sfatherflewbackhome.Brandonwasthereattheairportwhentheflightarrived
topickhimup.Inadditiontoservingaschauffer,healsohadtoactaspersonalbaggage
slave,haulinghismanysuitcasesfromtheterminaltothecar.

NothingwasmentionedofBrandon’schorelist,butitwasobviouswithjustacursory

glanceatthelistthatnothinghadbeendone.BrandonandTylerhadbeenmoreintenton
being together and learning more about one another than being responsible. At the pool
the morning after his father’s return, one of the staff at the pool greeted them and said,
“Brandon,where’sTyler?”

“Hewenthome,”Brandonsaidverymatter-of-factly.

“Did you see him while I was gone?” his father demanded, roughly grabbing

Brandon’sarm.

Brandonwrenchedhisarmfreeandsaid,“OfcourseIdid.”

“Iexpresslytoldyouthatyouwerenottoseehim,”hisfathersaidangrily.

“And that was ridiculous and you know it,” Brandon said, again proving to himself

andtheworldthathehadmasteredtheabilitytokeephisangerincheckandtoprojecta
neutralattitude.

Brandongotintothewatertostartpracticewhilehisfatherpacedonthesideofthe

pool,quietlyfumingthroughouttheentiresession.

When he climbed out of the water, Brandon’s father grabbed him and said, “Get

dressed.We’regoinghome.I’vehaditwithyouandthisbullshit.We’regoinghomesoI
canremindyouof—”

“Get your fucking hands off me,” Brandon said, once again pulling his arm free.

Whenhisfathermadeanothergrabforhim,Brandonautomaticallyreachedoutandgave
himashove,puttinghisfatherbackagainstthewall.“Behaveyourself,”Brandonsaid.

“Getyourgoddamnedassoutintothecarrightnow.We’regoinghome.”

“You go home. I’m going to school. We’re in the home stretch before finals and

graduation,andIamnotgoingtoletyouscrewthatupnowwithyourbullshit.”

Duringtheday,hebriefedJoelonwhathadhappenedandmanagedtotextTylerand

give him the news. While he had played it calm and cool at the pool, Brandon had felt
anythingbut.Insidehe’dbeenseethingandterrifiedhewaspushinghisfathertoofar.

For too many years, he’d been programmed to defer to his father, to let him have

completereignovereverything.Itfeltgoodtopushback,butitalsoscaredthecrapoutof
himsincehecouldnolongerpredictwhathisfatherwoulddo.

Thatnight,notasinglewordwasspokenofwhathadhappenedthatmorning,norof

anythingelse,asfatherandsongaveeachotherawideberth.Forthenextfewdays,Joel
asked Brandon each morning what had happened and each time was as surprised as
Brandonthatnothingmorehadbeensaid.

It was the following weekend when things unexpectedly flared up. Since it was a

beautiful late spring day, Brandon had taken his cell phone outside to call Tyler. They
werehavingagreatconversationwhenrathersuddenlytheywereinterrupted.

“Whatthehellisthat?”Brandon’sfatherbellowed,havingsnuckuponhim.

“Excuseme?”Brandonsaid,quitehonestlynotclearonwhathisfatherwastalking

about.

“Isthatacellphone?”

“Yes,itis,”Brandonsaid.

“Wherethehelldidthatcomefrom?”hisfatherdemanded.

“It’smine.Don’tworryaboutit.”

“Iaskedyouwhereitcamefrom,andIexpectananswer.Didyoustealit?”

“DidIwhat?”Brandonaskedindisbelief.

“OrdidyoustealthemoneyfrommewhileIwasinCaliforniasoyoucouldbuyit?It

hadtobeoneofthosetwooptionsbecauseyoudon’thaveanymoneyotherwise.”

“Backoff,”Brandonsaidquietlybutwithasmuchferocityasifhehadshoutedthe

wordsfromthetopofthehighestmountain.

“Idon’tfuckingbelieveyou,Brandon.AfterallI’vesacrificedanddoneforyou,to

get you where you needed to be, and this is how you repay me, by stealing from me? I
don’tfuckingbelieveyou.”

“Stop!” Brandon interrupted his father’s tirade. In addition to being royally pissed

thathisfatherwasaccusinghimofsuchthings,healsonoticedthathisfather’sfacewas
gettingveryred.Brandoncouldalmostseehisbloodpressuregoinghigherbythesecond.
Theveinsonhisneckstoodoutandthrobbedangrily.“Ithinkyoushouldbackoff,calm
down,andthenmaybewe’lltalkaboutthislater,”Brandontried.“Notthatit’sanyofyour
businesswhatIdoorwhoItalkto.”

“We’ll talk about this when I say we’ll talk, and I want you to start answering my

goddamnedquestions.”

“Whyisitsoimportanttoyou?”Brandonasked,hisangernolongerremainingsafely

lockedupinside.

“Excuseme?”

“Iaskedwhyitissoimportanttoyoutokeepmecompletelycutofffromtherestof

theworldthatyouabsolutelyfreakoutwhenyouseemeusingwhateveryotherteenager
inthecountryhasandhashadforyears.”

“Whopaysforthemonthlyservice?Cellphonescostmoney.Youcan’tjuststealone

andexpectittowork.”

“Theonlypersonwhosaidanythingaboutstealingsomethingwasyou.That’syour

areaofexpertise.Notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness,butafriendgavemethephone.”

“It’sthatkid,isn’tit?”

“Whois‘thatkid’?”Brandonasked.

“YouknowgoddamnedwellwhoImean.He’stheonethat’stoblameforallofyour

behaviorproblems.Eversinceyoumethimyou’veturnedinto—”

“Intoawhat?”Brandonasked,waitingforhisfather’sanswertothatquestion.

Brandonwasshockedwhen,ratherthancontinuetheconversation,hisfathersimply

turned and stalked back to the house, slamming the door behind him. When his father’s
tiradehadstarted,BrandonhadbeentalkingwithTyler,sohe’dleftthelineopenallthe
timehisfatherwasflippingout.

“Areyoustillthere?”Brandonasked.

“Yeah,I’mhere.Howareyou?”

“I’mfine.”

“I’m worried about you. I don’t trust that man. The more I hear him talk, the more

concernedIbecomethathe’sseriouslyunstable.”

“He’sthesamewayhe’salwaysbeen.”

“Sothisiswhatyou’vebeenlivingwithforyears?”Tylerasked.

“Prettymuch,”Brandonsaid.

“Oh,Bran,I’msosorry.”

Chapter13—Revelations

NOTHINGMORE

was said that evening about his father’s backyard blowup. In fact

hisfatherlethimsleepinthenextmorning,andtheydidsomethingthatbasicallynever
happened—theyskippedpractice.Hisfatherleftandwentoffsomewhereinthemorning
andwasgonefortheentireday.

ThateveningBrandonhadachancetoseewhathisdadhadbeenupto.

“Brandon,I’dliketotalkwithyou,”hesaidbeforedinner.

“Okay.What’sup?”

“Withyourhighschoolgraduationcomingupfast,Ihavebeenthinkingaboutwhat

togetyouasapresent.”ThiswasnotremotelywhatBrandonthoughttheyweregoingto
betalkingabout.

“Okay.”

“I’ve reached a conclusion. Since you’ll be entering college in the fall, and who

knowswhatfuturesummerswillhold,Irealizedthatthiscouldwellbethelastchancewe
havetodosomethingI’vewantedtodowithyouforsometime.Soforyourgraduation,I
amtakingyouonanextendedtourthroughEurope.”

“Europe?Wow.”Brandonreallyhadnotseenthatcoming.

“Ithinkyou’regoingtolikeit—alot.It’sobviouslybeenawhilesinceI’vebeen,but

whenIwasworking,Ihadanumberofoverseastrips.Thisworldofoursisahugeand
exciting place, and there is so much to see. So after you graduate, we will leave on an
eight-weektourthroughsomeofthegreatestofferingsoftheoldworld.”

“Wow.That’sincredible.I’m…thankyou.That’sagreatgift,andIappreciateit.But

itwillhavetowaituntilanothertime.”

“What?Why?”Hisfatherlookedconfused.

“I’vealreadygotplansforthissummer.”

“What?”

“IsaidI’vealreadygotplansforthissummer.”

“Whatplans?”hisfatherasked,animositydrippingfrombothwords.

“I’vegotajobforthesummer.”

“Whatjob?Youdon’thaveanyjob,”hesaiddismissively.

“Imostcertainlydo.TylerandIareworkingtogetherthissummer.”

“No.You’regoingtoEuropewithme.”

“Sorry,Dad,butnotthissummer.Maybeifyou’dsaidsomethingsooner.”

“You’re not working at some job this summer. This is your last summer to do

somethingfun.”

“Ican’t.I’vealreadyagreed,andI’mnotbackingoutnow.AndIneedsomemoney

forwhenIleaveforcollege.”

Thecalmthathadpermeatedthehousevanishedinthespanofasingleheartbeat.

“Enoughofthisbullshit,Brandon!”hisfathershoutedwhilesimultaneouslysending

a stack of papers that sat nearby flying across the room. “What is it with you and that
troublemaker?Idonotunderstand.Youhaveturnedintoanentirelydifferentpersonsince
hecameontothescene.You’renotyouanymore.Whatistheholdthatthatguyhasover
you?”

“Youreallydon’tgetit,doyou?”Brandonasked.

“No,Idon’tgetit,andIwishyou’dexplainittome.”

“Areyousureyouwantmetodothat?”

“Yes.”

“I’mnotsureyoudo.”

“Dammit!Tellmewhatthefuckisgoingon.”

“Ilovehim,”Brandonsaid.

“What?”hisfathersaidthroughclenchedteeth.

“Ilovehim.Andhelovesme.We’reboyfriends.”Theblanklookonhisfather’sface

ledBrandontoaddafewwordsthatcouldnotbemissed.“I’mgay,Dad.”

“Noyou’renot,”hisfathersaid,asifhissimpledecreewouldautomaticallymake it

happen.

Brandonlaughed.Hehadneverimaginedconvincinghisfatherhewasgaywouldbe

difficult.

“Yeah,Iam.I’mgay.I’vegotaboyfriend.I’mgayandIalwayshavebeen.I’vegot

thesupportofmyfriends—”

“Whatfriends?”hedemanded.

“Joel,forone,”Brandonsaid.

“Youtoldhimthis?Whyintheworldwouldyoueversaysuchathingtoanyone?”

“Ididn’ttellhim.Hefigureditoutallonhisown.Hetookmetomyfirstgayyouth

groupmeeting.”

“Hewhat?When?Where?Whydidn’tIknowaboutthis?”

“Didyou know thathe has agay sister, a gaycousin, and agay uncle? Maybeyou

shouldtalktohimifyoudon’tunderstandit.He’sbeenincrediblysupportiveandhelpful,
andI’mgratefulforafriendlikehim.Andhe’sbeengoodwithTylertoo.”

“Idon’tbelieveanyofthis.I’mlivinginafreakingnightmare.Brandon,stopanduse

yourfuckingheadforaminute.Allyourlifewe’vebeenworkingtogetyoutotheplace
whereyoucanbecomeanOlympiccompetitor.”

“Yeah?So?”

“HowmanygayOlympianscanyouname?”

“Howmanydoyouwanttohear?HowaboutTomDaleyforone?HowaboutBrian

Boitano? How about Matthew Helm? How about Mark Tewksbury? How about Greg
Louganis?GusKenworthy?MatthewMitcham?CarlHester?IanThorpe?Wantmetogo
on?”

As if he hadn’t spoken at all, his father said, “Brandon, you cannot be an Olympic

athleteandbeknownasqueer.”

“Ihatethatword,Dad.I’mgay.It’snobigdeal.Ijustlikeguys.”

“Don’tsaythat!”hisfatheryelled,visiblycringing.“Olympiccompetitorsareunder

public scrutiny in ways you cannot imagine. To compete on an international scale, you
need to be as all-American and clean-cut as possible. There cannot be any hint of some
scandalorsomethingasdisreputableasbeinghomosexual.

“Haveyouhadsexwithawoman?”

“No.”

“Whynot?”hisfatherdemanded.

“And just when would I have had time for something like that, Dad? Huh? You’ve

keptmeonsuchatightleashforsomanyyearsI’vebarelyhadtimetomyselftopee.”

“Howdoyouknowyouwouldn’tlikeitandyou’rejustconfused?”

“I’mgay,Dad.It’ssimple.Idon’tneedsomewomantotellmeI’mgay.”

“Picksomegirlatschoolandinviteheroutonadate.”

“Iwillnot,”Brandonsaid,shockedatthedirectiontheirconversationhadtaken.

“Doit,Brandon.Fuckher.Idon’tcarehowyougetthegirl,butyou’vegottogeton

oneasfastaspossible.Howcanyouknowyoudon’tlikeituntilyoutryit?”

“Notgonnahappen,Dad.IcannotbelievewhatI’mhearingfromyou.Didyouhave

tofuckamantoprovethatyouweren’tgay?”

“Brandon!”

Hisfatherwalkedoutoftheroomandmadeseveralphonecalls.Whenhereturnedto

theroomnothingfurtherwassaidaboutbeinggayordatingwomen.Butthatwasnotthe
endoftheargument.

THEFOLLOWING

morning, following breakfast, Brandon’s father said, “Come on.

I’vegottorunanerrandandyou’recomingwithme.”

“Why?”Brandonasked.

“Brandon,enoughwithfightingmyeveryword.Justgetyourfuckingassinthecar

andlet’sgo.”

“MaybeIhadplans.”

“Youdohaveplans,”hisfathertoldhim.“They’rewithmerightnowinthecar.”

Brandonwassuspiciousbutgotintothecar.Hewascuriousaswellascautious.

Oncetheywereontheroad,Brandonasked,“Wherearewegoing?”

“I’vegottogoseesomebody.”

AsifthatansweredBrandon’squestion.

Forabouthalfanhour,theydroveinsilence.Hisfatherturnedoffthemainroadand

onto a rutted dirt road, driving about five hundred yards back off the main road before
stoppinginfrontofadilapidatedtrailersetoffbyitself.Ithadclearlybeeninitspresent
locationformany,manyyears.Theplacelookeddesertedandunkempt.Itlookedlikeone
goodwindywinterstormcouldsendittumblingdownintopieces.

Brandontookonelookandaskedhisfather,“Whodoyouknowthatliveshere?And

how?” His suspicion was on full alert. His father was up to something. He just didn’t
knowwhatitwasyet.

“Comeon,”hisfatherordered,gettingoutofthecar.

Without looking to ensure Brandon was following, his father strode up to the door

andknocked.Theentiredoorwobbledwitheachknock.Amomentlaterawomanpushed
the door open and said, “Hi.” She smiled and continued, “Thanks for calling. Come on
in.”

“Brandon,getinhere.”Brandonproceededcautiously.

Insidethetrailerwasdark,buttherewasenoughlightcomingthroughthewindows

forhimtoseethewoman.Shelooked…old.Ashestudiedherfacesomemore,thebest
he could in the present light, he realized that she actually wasn’t as old as he’d initially
thought.No,itwasmorethanthat.Shelookedhaggard.No,eventhatwasn’tenough.She
lookedusedup.Shemightatonetimehavebeenpretty,butthatwasalotofmilesago.

“Thishim?”sheasked,addressinghisfather.

“Yes,thisismysonthatIwastellingyouabout.”

“Sure,Icandohim.Rate’sahundred,likeItoldyouonthephone.”

Brandon watched his father pull cash from his pocket, count out five twenty-dollar

bills,andhanditovertothewoman.

SheshovedthecashintoherpocketandturnedtoBrandon.“Comeon,stud.Let’sgo

dothisthing.”

“Dowhatthing?”Brandonasked.

“Hesloworsomething?”sheaskedhisfather.

“Sometimes I wonder,” his father answered. “Brandon, go back with her to the

bedroomandfuckher.”

“What?”heyelled.

“Doit.Goseeforyourselfwhatyou’vebeenmissing.Maybethiswillgetyouback

onthetrackyouneedtobeon.”

Brandonwasappalled.Hisfatherhadactuallyjustpaidawoman—aused-upshellof

awoman—tohavesexwithhim.Hisfatherwantedhimtogotobewith…aprostitute.
Brandon could not believe any of this was happening. He closed his eyes and shook his
head.

Hisentirefocushadbeenonhisfatherforamoment,sohejumpedwhenhefeltthe

womanplaceoneofherhandsoverhiscrotchandsqueezehispenis.

Hejerkedawayfromthegropinghand.“I’moutofhere,”hedeclaredashestormed

outthedoor.Ratherthangotothecar,hejuststartedstridingbacktowardthepavedmain
roadthey’dcomeinon.Hedidnotknowexactlywherehewas,buthehadaroughideain
hismind.Itwouldtakehimforever,buthecouldgethomebywalking.Allthatmattered
right then was putting as many miles between himself and his father and thatwomanas
quicklyaspossible.

He hadn’t even gone a mile down the road when his father drove up and stopped

directlyinfrontofhim.

“Get in the goddamned car, Brandon,” he ordered, but Brandon walked around the

carand,withoutaword,keptstridingdowntheroad.

Threetimesthispatternrepeated,untilhisfatherstoppedthecarandgotout.

“Getinthecar,Brandon.”Hisfatherlooked angrier than Brandon could ever recall

seeinghimbefore,andovertheyearsBrandonhadseenthemanangryinanynumberof
situations.Hehadwitnessedtempertantrumsofmonumentalproportions.

“Andwherearewegoingthistime?”Brandoncalmlyasked.

“Home.”

Brandon was suspicious, but he got into the car and they drove home. Neither man

utteredasinglewordduringthehalf-hourdrive.Oncehome,Brandonimmediatelytook
hiscellphoneoutintothefieldsthatsurroundedtheirhouseandcalledTyler.Heputas
much distance between himself and the house as he could before punching in Tyler’s
number.

“Hey!”Tylersaidasheanswered.“What’sup?”

“Hey,”Brandonsaid.

“What’swrong?”Tylerasked.

“Whatmakesyou—”

“Icanhearitinyourvoice.What’swrong?”

“Icameouttomyfatherlastnight,”Brandonsaid.

“Youdid?Holycrap.Whydidn’tyoutellmeyouweregoingtodothat?Howdidhe

takeit?”

“Well,let’ssaythatherespondedbutnotinthewayIhadanticipated.”

“Morewords,please.”

“When I told him I liked guys, he asked me if I’d ever been with a woman. You

know, had sex with a woman. When I told him no, this morning he drove me to some
dilapidated old trailer out in the middle of nowhere, dragged me inside, paid some
tweakedoutwomanahundredbucks,andtoldmetogofuckher.”

“What?Holyshit!”Tylershoutedintothephone.“Whatdidyoudo?Didyou—”

“Hell no. I’m freaking out. It just hit me that my dad just gave some stranger a

hundreddollarsandwantedmetostickmydickintoher.Heneverpartswithmoneythat
easily,butIjustwatchedhimcountoutthemoneyandhanditover.

“And she looked drugged out and had God alone knows what kinds of diseases, if

that’showshemakesmoneytosupplyherhabit.Ican’tbelievehedidthat.Thatisjustso
fuckingcrazy.I’msogoddamnedpissedathim.Thisisjustinsane.”

“I’msosorry,Bran.I’mso,sosorry.Themanisanabsoluteass.”

Brandonchuckled.“He’sbeenpromotedfromdick?”

“Ithinktoday’smoveclinchesthat.Doyouwantmetocomegetyou?”Tylerasked.

“YouknowIdon’ttrustthatman,andIworryaboutyou,evenmoresonowthathe’stried
pullingsomeshitlikethis.Ireallydon’tliketheideaofyouhomealonewithhim.”

“Iknow.IthinkI’mokay.IhopeIwillbeanyway.Graduationisintwoweeks,andI

amcountingthedaysbetweennowandthen.That’swhatstartedthiswholething.”

“Huh? I don’t understand? How did graduation lead him to taking you to see a

prostitute?”

“He said that he was giving me an eight-week extended tour through Europe as a

graduationgift.”

“Awesome, man,” Tyler said, although his voice lacked the enthusiasm that would

usuallyaccompanythosewords.

“No, it’s not. The only reason he was doing it was to separate the two of us. He

couldn’tgivearat’sassaboutEurope,andevenlessaboutmeseeingit.Allhewantedwas
a way to keep me under his thumb and under his constant surveillance and to have you
nowherenearme.That’stheonlyreasonhetoldmehewantedtodothis.Andremember,
hewasgoingtotakemesoI’dbeseeinggreatplacesbutwithhimalongconstantly.I’d
ratherwaituntilafuturetimewhenyouandIcangoandseethingsthatwewantatour
ownpace,evenifwehavetodoitonthecheaporpostponethetripforafewyears.”

“That’s fair,” Tyler agreed. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay there with him

tonight?Icancomeover.”

“No.Don’tcomeover.Ithinkthatwouldonlymakeitworserightnow.I’mgonnatry

tohanginhere.Twoweeks.Twoweeksandcounting.Twoweeks.Ineedtogostudyfor

oneofmyfinals.Thanksforlistening.”

“Anytime.I’mhereforyou,babe.”

“Loveyou.”

“Loveyoutoo.Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Chapter14—Enough

FOR THE

following two weeks, the inhabitants of the house walked very carefully

aroundeachother.Brandonwastotallyfocusedonstudyingforandthentakinghisfinals.
As soon as exams were finished, it was graduation rehearsal time and invitations to a
string of parties thrown by the families of other graduates. Brandon’s father was not
throwingaparty,one,becausehisfatherwouldn’tspendthemoney,andtwo,becausethey
didn’thaveanyfriends,nordidhecareforhissontohavefriends.

TylercametoseeJoelandBrandongraduatejustasJoelandBrandonhadgonetosee

Tyler graduate one night earlier. Brandon had been happy with the day and the event—
untilhesawthelookofscornthatpassedoverhisfather’sfacewhenTylerhuggedhim.
JoelsawitaswellandgaveBrandonalookofconcern.

Graduation included posing for the obligatory pictures in caps and gowns, so

BrandonandJoeldidthat.JoelwantedtogetsomephotosofBrandonandTylertogether,
arm-in-arm. When Brandon walked out to where guests were waiting, his father had
corneredTyler,andappearedtobeworkinghimselfintoamajortempertantrum.

“Idon’tknowwhatgameyou’replaying,butyouaretoleavemysonalone.Justturn

rightaroundandgetthehelloutofhislife.Idonotwanttoseeyoucomingaroundhim
everagainorsohelpmeIwill—”

“Hey!”Brandonyelledathisfather.“Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”

“I’mbeingyourfatheranddoingwhatyoudonotseemcapableofdoingforyourself.

Ihaveworkedtoohardandsacrificedtoomuchtogetyoutowhereyouarenowtohave
youjustturnyourbackonitandthrowitallaway.”

“Who’s throwing anything away, Dad? Huh?” Brandon demanded. “Not me. And I

thinkyou’remistakenaboutwho’sbeenworking.Itseemstomethatit’smeinthatpool
every fucking morning doing laps and endurance training. You’ve been flying off to
Florida and California to smoke cigars and drink bourbon with your friends while I’ve
beenleftathomewithlistsofchoreslongerthananytenguyscouldeverhopetofinish.
So you need to stop and back off until you see things more clearly than you are at the
moment.”

“Howdareyou,youungrateful—”

“Hey,what’sgoingon?”Joelaskedwhenhewalkedouttojointhefightalreadyin

progress.

“Leave us,” Brandon’s father ordered. By that point several of the other guests,

parents,andgraduateswerepayingcloserattentiontothedisputebetweenfatherandson,
especiallynowasitdrewinmorepeoplethanpreviously.

“You’recausingquiteascene,”Joelsaid.“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingon,butitsure

seems to be of interest to all those people who are watching you and trying to listen to
what’s being said over here. Do you really want to have this debate here in front of all
thesepeople?”

Brandon’s father nodded his agreement, but it was clear from the expression on his

face he was not happy, but then few people who knew him well could recall him ever
beinganythingotherthanahypertype-Apersonality,somostfolkslikelyexpectedsuch
behavior from him. Brandon knew that there was occasionally more to him than
competition,butinrecentyearshiscompetitivenessandfixationonthingshadgottenso
overwhelmingthatnothingelsemattered.

“Verywell.Wewillcontinuethisconversationathome.”Brandoncouldseetheway

hisfatherhadclenchedhisjawandcouldhearitinthewayhespoke.Thiswasnotgoing
tobeafunafternoon,butitwasaconversationthatwaslongoverdue.

AsTylerwasgettingreadytoheadhome,helookeduncertain.Brandon’sguesswas

he didn’t know if they should hug before he left. Brandon solved that issue for him by
reachingoutanddrawinghimintoabighug.

Joel drove Brandon home. Surprisingly they were quiet during the ride. Brandon’s

mind was completely occupied with what was coming. He considered any number of
strategiesforhowtoproceed,notsureifanyofthemwererightorlogical.

“Youokay?”Joelaskedquietlyastheyturnedontotheroadtheylivedon.

“No.Yes.Idon’tknow.I’mnotsomuchnow,butIthinkIwillbebytheendofthe

day.It’stimeIstoodmygroundandcrawledoutfrombeneathhiscontrol.”

“Iagree,butbecareful.Themanscaresme.He’ssotightlywrapped.Idon’twantto

bearoundhimwhensomethinghappenstomakehimstarttounravel.It’snotgoingtobe
pretty.”

“Yeah,well,Ithinkthat’swhat’sgoingtohappentoday.”

“Doyouwantmetocomeinwithyou?Icanstayforawhiletobesureyou’resafe.”

“Thanks, but no. I’ll handle him. I probably know how his mind works better than

anyone else, so sadly I am uniquely qualified for this job. You’re taking off tonight for
yourtrip.Ihopeyouandyourfolkshaveagreattime.I’mgonnamissyou.”

“Thanks,man.I’llcallyouwhenwegetbackandtellyouallaboutit.”

Joel dropped Brandon off at his house and then slowly drove away as Brandon

walkedinside.Hisfatherwasalreadytherewaitingforhim.

“Sit,” he said, gesturing to a stool at the kitchen counter, opposite where he was

seated.

Brandonsat,butunlikehistypicalbehaviorofwaitingsubmissively,quietly,thisday

Brandonheldhisheadhigh,hisgazelockedonhisfather.

“So,what’sonyourmind?”Brandonsaid.

“Youmiserable,ungratefullittlepissant.Ihavesacrificedandfocusedallmytimeon

you and your development for years now, and suddenly you meet some guy you know

nothingaboutandyou’rereadytothrowitallaway.”

“I’veneversaidonesinglewordaboutthrowinganythingaway.”

“Thenwhereisyourfocusthesedays,Brandon?Letmetellyou—it’sallonthatguy.

Youusedtobefocusedwithlaser-likeprecision.Nothingcoulddistractyou.”

“Exceptforyou.”

“Whatdidyousay?”hisfatherdemanded.

“Youarethechiefdistractionformeandforalltheotherguysontheswimteamand

you have been for years. You think you’re helping, that you’re ‘coaching’ me, but all
you’vebeendoingisfeedingyourownego.Fortoomanyyears,I’vejustgonealongwith
whatyouwantedinsteadofstandingupformyself,butI’vehadenoughofthat.Ican’tdo
itanymore.I’vegottolivemylifemyway.You’vegotyourownlifetolive.You’vetried
toliveyourlifebytryingtolivemine,tryingtocontrolmyeverymovement.Nomore.”

“Youbeverycareful,Brandon,”hisfathersaid.“Ifyouwalkoutthedoorrightnow,

youdonotneedtoeverbothercomingbackhereeveragain.”

“Solet’ssee.Youhadtwosons,andnowwithmeyou’vesucceededinchasingboth

ofthemawayandmadebothofthemdespiseyou.Quiteawinningscoreyou’vegotthere.
What are you going to do now that you don’t have any more sons’ lives to control and
ruin?”

ButBrandon’sfatherwasequallyadeptatdirtyfighting.“Ifyouleave,youcankiss

goodbyetoanyhopeofhavingmyfinancialsupportforyoutoattendcollege.”

“Oh,I’msogladyouremindedmeofthat,”Brandonsaidwithasmile.“Thereisthe

little matter of my competition winnings. You do remember those summers I’ve been
winningcompetitions,trophies…andmoney.I’dliketohavemymoney,please.Ididall
thework,soitseemsonlyfairtome.”

“Thatmoneyisforyourcollegeeducation,”hisfathersaid.

“Oh,really?Soyouwerejusttalkingaboutdeprivingmeofmyownmoney?Isthat

it?Interestingrulesyouhave,Pops.”

“Whatlittlemoneyyou’vewongotpumpedrightbackintoalltheexpensesthatwent

with competing. The costs of your training and transportation to all of the meets, the
housingrequiredforout-of-towncompetitions.”

“So what you’re telling me is that there is no money? That you’ve spent it all? I’d

liketoseeanaccountingofhowmyfundswereused,please.You’vealwaystoldmethata
goodbusinessmankeepsrecordsandknowspreciselyhowhe’sdoingfinancially.SoI’m
sureyou’vekeptsuchrecordsofhowyou’vespentmymoney,solet’stakealook.Getit
outandlet’sgothroughthemrightnow.”

“Yourexpensesfarexceededyourpaltryearnings,”hisfathertried.

“Whatexpenseswouldthatbe?Woulditbethecostofmeridingontheteambus?

Seemstomeliketheschoolprovidesthatforfree.But,regardless,I’msureyou’vegotthe
records, so let’s you and I sit down and go through them so you can show me what my
moneywentfor.”Brandonpushedthingsasideonthecounterinfrontofhim,makinga

clear,openspaceforthemtolookatsomethingtogether.

“Youaresofarovertheline,Brandon,Idon’tevenknowwhoyouareanymore.”

“Why?AmIactingtoomuchlikeyou?Doyourememberthedayyousawmeusing

acellphone?Doyourememberwhatyouaskedmethatday?YouaskedmeifIstoleit,or
stolethemoneyfromyoutobuyit.So,letmeturnyourquestionaroundandaskyouthe
same thing, this time about my money. Did you steal my money? Is that what paid for
your trips to Florida and California? All of those golf outings? I’m sure the accounting
willsortitallout,sogettherecordsandwe’llgothroughthemrightnow.”

“I cannot believe the level of disrespect you’re showing to me right now, the

ungratefulattitudeafterallI’vedoneforyou—”

“No,youalwaystoldmethatinbusinessthereisnoplaceforcompassion,noplace

forfeelings.Theonlythingthatmattersisthebottomlineendingintheblack.SoIthink
youmeanallI’vedoneforyou.

“Webothknowthetruththatwhenyousoldyourbusinessyoudidn’thaveafucking

clue what to do with yourself, and I happened to come into your field of view. You
adoptedmeandmyswimmingasyournewhobbyonlybecauseIhappenedtobewhere
you were looking then. You never asked me if I wanted any of this. You did what you
neededtodoforyourself,justlikeeverythingyou’vealwaysdone,anddon’tstandthere
andtrytotellmeotherwisebecauseyouandIbothknowthetruth.”

“Getout,”hisfathersaidsuddenly.

Brandon was at his breaking point. While on the outside he might have appeared

calm,ontheinsidehewasawrithingmessofangerwithagooddollopoffearstirredin
forgoodmeasure.Hetookseveralquickstepstowardhisfather,hunchinghisshoulders
and balling his hands into fists. He was fully prepared to deck him and send him flying
acrosstheroom.

Atthelastpossiblemoment,surprisingevenhimself,Brandonsomehowmanagedto

gethisangerincheckandstopfromhaulingoffandslugginghisfatherintheface.Butby
the time he pulled off that near Herculean feat, he was standing just a few inches from
him.Insteadofhittingwithhisfists,Brandonusedwordsinstead.

“Doyouevenbelievehalfthestuffyousay?”Brandonasked.

“Brandon,youarewayovertheline.Ifyouwereoneofmyemployees,I’dfireyou

forthat.”

“I’mnotoneofyouremployees,Dad,butthat’showyou’vealwaystreatedme,like

youwouldaworkerinyourbusiness.Theonlydifferenceisthatatleasttheywouldget
paid, compensated for putting up with you and your bullshit. But you don’t have
employeesanymore.”

“Brandon, I’m going to tell you once again, back the fuck off and remember who

you’retalkingto.”

“IknowwhoI’mtalkingto.IcanseehimbetternowthanI’veeverallowedmyself

toseehimbefore.AndwhatIseeisacompletefraud.AndI’mdonewithit.Youcango

fuckyourself,”Brandonsaid.

Brandon retreated to his room, not just to get away from his father, but to pack his

most important possessions in a couple of roller suitcases. He moved quickly, pausing
onlyamomenttotakeonelastlookaroundtobesurehewasn’tmissinganythingobvious
beforeleavinghisroomandcarryinghistwosuitcasesdownthestairs.

“Brandon,Itoldyoubefore,ifyougooutthatdoor—”

“What?You’llstealallmymoneyagain?”

Rather than wait for his father to answer, Brandon moved his suitcases outside and

startedwalking.Hecouldhearhisfatheryellingathim,buthetunedoutthewords.Ashe
did in training, he just ignored as much as possible and tried to treat it as a lot of
backgroundnoise.Finally,eventhenoisediminishedoncehewasfarenoughawayfrom
thehouse.

It was only when he was at the end of the driveway, where it met the street that

Brandonstoppedandpulledouthiscellphone.HeknewJoelandhisfamilywereleaving
inafewhoursforEurope,hisparents’graduationpresenttohim,sohecouldn’tcallhim.
Thatleftoneoption.Speeddialinghisfirstnumber,hewaitedforananswer.

“Help,”hesaidwhenthecallwasanswered.

“What’swrong?Whereareyou?”Tylerasked.

“I’m at the end of the driveway to my father’s house. I’m the guy hauling two big

suitcases.Couldyou—”

“I’monmyway.”

Tyler made remarkable time in getting to Brandon. Brandon was so grateful to see

him,hedidn’taskhowfasthe’ddriventogetthere.HewassohappywhenTylerskidded
toastopandjumpedouttograpplehiminabighug.

Chapter15—AllGoodThingsMustCometoanEnd

AFTERTHROWING

Brandon’ssuitcasesintothetrunk,theybothgotintothecarand

Brandon practically begged, “Drive, please, get me away from here now.” Brandon had
kepthimselfremarkablytogether,buthiscontrolwasslippingfast,andhewantedtoget
asfarawayaspossiblebeforeithappened.

Tylerdidn’tquestionhimbutinsteaddroveasquicklyashesafelycouldtogetthem

a few miles down the road to a safe place where he could stop the car. Parked, Tyler
reachedoverandwrappedhisarmsaroundBrandonandjustheldhimforamoment.The
simpleactofhuggingwasallthatBrandonneededtoletgoofthegrief,theanxiety,the
panic,theeverythinghe’dbeenholdinginside.Itallcamepouringout,andhecried,all
thewhileTylerholdinghimtight.

Brandonpulledhimselftogetherandsaid,“Please,let’sgetoutofhere.Idon’twant

toevercomebackhereagain.Um,canIstaywithyou?Areyourparentsgoingtofreak?”

“No.Itmakessensesincewe’regoingtobeworkingtogetherallsummer.Thatwould

saveawholehellofalotofdriving.”

“Thanks. I just need to get away from that man. I don’t… I don’t…. He hates me

now.I’msureofitwitheverythingIjustsaidtohim.”

“Itwasquiteanimated?”Tylerasked,nevertakinghiseyesofftheroad.

“Ohyeah,youcouldsaythat.Iknewalltherightbuttonstopushwithhim,andhe

knewhowtopushsomeofmineaswell.IthinkIdidbetterthanhim,buthedidn’tlikeit
whenIaccusedhimofstealingmycompetitionwinningsfromthelastfewsummers.He’s
gottonsofmoney.Mywinningsaretrivial,butIknowhowmuchmoneymeanstohim.I
askedhimforthemoneyandhehadonestoryafteranotherabouthowtherewasn’tany
money.Everyargumenthemade,Ipushedrightback.IknewI’dnevergetanythingoutof
him,butIhadthesatisfactionofknowingthatImadehimsweat.

“AndIreallywingedhimwhenIspokeoftheunspeakablefamilysecretandpointed

outthathewasnowtwofortwointhesondepartment.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Tylerasked.

“I have an older brother. He and my dad had a rough relationship, and it got really

ugly.HewasmoreballsythanIam.Idon’tknowthewholestorybecausehe’snevertold
me. All I know is that one day after a really brutal fight, my brother was gone and he
nevercameback.Andworstofall,Iwasneverallowedtospeakofhim,toevenutterhis
name,everagain.Sowedidn’ttalkabouthim.

“It was so freaking bizarre. It was like living in some totalitarian regime where

someone fell from privileged status and the authorities tried to erase every hint of his
existence.Nomatterwhereyouwent,hewasjustgone.Itwaslikethatwithmybrother.”

“Doyouknowwherehewent?”Tylerasked.

“Notaclue.Imisshim,eventhoughit’sbeenacoupleofyearsnow.”

“After he went, is that when your father turned all of his attention to you and your

swimmingcareer.”

“No. Almost. That started when he sold his business. He apparently got a lot of

moneyfromsellinghiscompany,butthemainproblemwasthatitlefthimwithnothingto
do.Hewentfrombeingatype-Aworkaholictoamanwithabsolutelynoreasontogetout
ofbedinthemorning.Heneededsomething,andIbecamethesomething.”

“Bummer,”Tylerobserved.

BrandonhadbeentoTyler’shouseonce.Hewouldhavebeentheremoreoftenifhe

hadn’t had to live so totally under his father’s control. He had met Tyler’s parents in
passingbrieflythatonetimehevisited.Astheydroveuptohishouse,Brandonpanicked
that Tyler’s parents wouldn’t want him there, that they would object and send him
packing.Thenwhatwouldhedo?Wherewouldhego?

“What’swrong?”

“Whatifyourparentsdon’twantmehere?WhatdoIdo,then?OhGod!I’vekindof

burnedmybridgeswithmydad.Fuck.WhatdoIdo?Joel’sawayandIcan’tcallhim.I
don’tknowanybodyelse.”

“Bran, don’t worry. Take a breath. We’ll be okay. Don’t worry. Let me take care of

that.”

“Okay,”Brandonsaidashetriedtomakehisheartslowdowntojustagallop.

“Comeon,let’sgetyourbagsinsideanduptomyroom.”

Each hauling one bag, they got Brandon inside the house. Tyler’s parents weren’t

home,soTylerwasabletograppleBrandoninahug.Withhisbedroomdoorclosed,he
guidedBrandontothebedandheldhimuntilherelaxedalittle.

“It’sgoingtobeallright,”Tylersaid.“Justrelax.Don’tworry.You’resafenow.I’ve

gotyou.”

AndBrandondidstarttorelax—atleastuntilheheardthefrontdooropenandclose.

Tyler’sparentswerehome.

“Weshouldgodownandtellthemyou’rehere,”Tylersaid.

“Okay,”Brandonsaidwithadecidedlackofenthusiasm.

“Don’tworry,”Tylersaidagain.

“Youknowyourparents.Idon’t,”Brandonsaid.

“Let’sgostarttochangethat.”

With Tyler in the lead, the two guys went down the stairs and followed the voices

comingfromthekitchen.

“Mom,Dad,Brandon’shere.Youremembermeetinghim?”

“Yes,ofcourse,”Tyler’smomsaid,smilingathim.

“Doyouhaveaminute?Weneedtotalkwithyou.”

“Thatsoundsserious.Iseverythingokay?”Tyler’sfathersaid.“Please,sit,”hesaid,

gesturingtothechairsinthediningroom.

With two sets of very expectant eyes looking at them, Tyler explained. “Do you

rememberhowIdescribedBrandon’sfather?”

Hisparentslookedatoneanother,asiftosay,“Howmuchknowledgedoweadmitin

front of the guy?” His mother said, “Yes, I recall you mentioning something about the
man.”

“Well,”Tylersaid,“itgotworse.Infactitgotreallybad.ItgotsobadthatBrandon

hadtogetawayfromthere.Brandonandhisfatherhadaseriousdispute,andheneededto
get out of there for a while. He called me and I went and picked him up. I told him he
couldstaywithus.Ihopethat’sokay,becausehereallyneedssomeloveandsupportand
calmandstabilityrightaboutnow.”

Brandon couldn’t bring himself to look at Tyler’s parents until he started to speak.

“I’msosorrytodisruptyourhousehold,butIdidn’tknowwhereelsetoturn.IfI’dstayed
home,Idon’tknowwhatwouldhavehappened.Mydadwasseriouslyflippingout.”

“Whathappened?Thatis,ifyoudon’tmindmeasking,”Tyler’smothersaid.

“Not a problem.” Brandon took a deep breath. “He doesn’t like it that I’m friends

withTyler.”

“Why?”Tyler’sfatherasked.

“HeneverhasunderstoodwhyI’mfriendswithsomeonefromanotherswimteam.”

“Okay,”Tyler’sdadsaidslowly,stillnotunderstanding.

“Mydadgetsreallywrappedupincompetition,”Brandontriedtoexplain.“Tohim,

winningistobehadatallcost.Andtalkingwithanopponentisamajorno-no.Hewas
somehowworriedthatTylerwasgoingtopumpmeforteamsecretsorsomethingstupid
likethat.Hehateditthatwegottogetheranddidstufftogether,andhe’striedtointerfere
withthatfriendshipateverystepalongtheway.HediditagaintodaybygoingafterTyler
for being at my graduation ceremony. I called him on it and one thing led to another,
whichledtoanotherandhesortofdisownedme.Hetoldmetogetout.AndIcan’t say
thatI’mallthatsorry,”Brandonexplained.“Exceptthatitleftmewithnoplacetogo.”

“SoItoldhimhecouldstaywithus,”Tylersaid.“Iknewitwouldbeokaywithyou,”

headded.

“Ofcourse,”hismothersaid.“We’dbedelightedtohaveyouwithusforafewdays.”

That phrase, “a few days,” sent up all kinds of red flags for Brandon. He looked at

Tyler,wholeftthephraseunaddressed.

“Arethereanythingsyoudoordon’tliketoeat,Brandon?”Tyler’smomasked.“I

wanttobesurenottofixsomethingyoucan’tstand.”

“Um,well,Ilikemostthings.ProbablyifTylerlikesit,I’dlikeittoo.”

“Iwasgoingtomakeburgersfordinnertonight.Wouldthatbeokay?”

“Absolutely,”Brandonagreedwithasmile.“IsthereanythingIcandotohelpyou?”

Tyler’smomjustsatandstaredathimforamoment.

“I’msorry,”Brandonsaid.“DidIsaysomethingwrong?”

“No,notatall,”shesaid.“It’sjust,I’veneverheardanyoneaskthatquestioninthis

housebefore.”

“Well,Imeanit.Ifthere’sanythingyouneedhelpwith,pleaseletmeknow.”

“I’vegotitcovered,butthankyou,”shesaidwithasmile.

“Comeon,”Tylersaid,gesturingforBrandontofollowhimbackupstairs.

“Dinneratsix,”hismothershoutedafterthemastheyboundedupthestairs.

FORHIS

firstfewdaysinthehousehold,Brandoncouldnothavebeenhappier.Hewas

withTylerandtheyweremadlyinlove.Theystartedtheirsummerjobworkingtogetherat
a roadside produce stand where Tyler had worked full-time the previous year. The work
was hard but predictable. The heat of the summer built quickly as late June turned into
early July, which made the work more draining, but Brandon threw himself into it with
everythinghehad.Itwasinhisnature,givenhisbackground,totrytopleasepeople.For
yearshisfatherhadsettledfornothingless.

Brandon’sapproachwithTyler’sparentswastwo-fold.Firsthetriedtobeasinvisible

aspossible,leavingassmallafootprintintheirlivessohedidn’tinterferewithanything.
And second he tried to find things around the house that needed to be done and that he
coulddo.

In his second week in the household, Brandon went all out to try to be helpful to

Tyler’s parents, offering to do anything they needed to have done. He offered to wash
dishes,totakeoutthetrash,andtodogenerallyanythinghecouldtohelp make Tyler’s
parentslikehimandnotmindputtingupwithhim.Hethoughthewasdoingwell—until
histhirdweekwiththem.

Inthethirdweekofhisvisit,justasBrandonwasfinallystartingtolethimselfrelax

andfeelthathewasmakingaplaceforhimselfinTyler’sfamily,itallseemedtofallapart
oneevening.Onenightatdinner,Tyler’sfatherdeliveredsomeunexpectednews.

“Brandon, we’ve had a death in the family. It’s quite sudden. We’re gonna have to

makeanunplannedtripoutoftownforafewdays.”

“Oh,I’msosorry,”Brandonsaid,notknowingwhatelsetosaysincehedidn’tknow

thepersonorhowclosetheyhadbeen.

“It’sbeennicehavingyouvisit,butsincewehavetoleavetown,I’mgoingtohaveto

ask you to make alternate living arrangements. I’m sure you understand. We’ve only
known you for a few weeks. And besides, this might be the opportunity you need to go
backandmakepeacewithyourfather.I’msurehemissesyouandismostlikelyanxious

tohaveyoubackhomeagain.”

Brandon was close to all-out panic. He looked to Tyler, desperately hoping to get a

solutiontothisimpossiblesituation.Everythinghadbeengoingsowellforhim,andfor
thefirsttimeinalong,longtime,hefeltgood.Hehadfeltcomfortableandhappy.Heand
Tylerweretogether,andwhiletheydidn’tdaretodotoomuchforfearofmakingnoise,
theyhadatleastbeenabletocuddletogethereverynight.

Even though he wasn’t sure he could remember how to breathe, somehow Brandon

managedtoask,“Whattimeareyouleavinginthemorning?”

“I’dliketobeontheroadbysixinthemorningatthelatest.”

“Wow.That’sanearlystart.”

“Yes,andIknoweveryoneisgoingtohateit,butwehavealongdriveaheadofus.”

Brandon cast furtive glances toward Tyler, hoping desperately to see some

reassurancethatTylerhadaplan,orbetteryettohearTylerspeakupandcountermandhis
fatherandarguethatBrandoncouldstayinthehousewhiletheywereaway.Buthedidn’t,
soBrandonjustfeltonestepfrompanicandbarelyabletoholditinside.

Heverypolitelyatehisdinnerandthenofferedtocleanupthetableandwashdishes

soeveryonecouldgetpacked.

Brandoncouldn’tgohome.Therewasjustnowayhewasgoingbacktohisfather.

Joelandhisfamilywerethenextlogicalchoice,buttheywerestillinEurope.Becausehis
fatherhadkepthimsoisolated,hejustdidn’thavefriends.UntilTyler,thatis.Whatthe
hellwashegoingtodonow?

He wasn’t able to discuss the situation with Tyler until they headed to bed that

evening.AssoonasthedoortoTyler’sbedroomwasclosed,Brandonurgentlywhispered,
“WhatthehellamIgoingtodo?”

“Don’tworry.”

“Don’tworry?Don’tworry?HowcanInotworry?I’minatownwhereIdon’tknow

anybodyandIhavenowaytogetaround.EveryoneelseImightcallisn’tavailable.I’d
saythatqualifiesasatimetoworry.Ineedyourhelp.Please!”

“Hey, Bran,” Tyler said, kissing him quick to distract him. “I’m going to leave you

myhousekeysoyoucangetinandstayherejustlikeyouhave.Andyou’llhavemycar
keyssoyoucandriveyourselftoandfromworkeachday.”

“Butwhataboutafterthat?Youheardyourfather.Hesaidit’sbeennicehavingme

visit.Theydon’twantmehere.TheythinkI’veoverstayedmywelcome.”

“Don’tworry.I’lltalkwiththemwhilewe’redriving.We’llhaveplentyoftimetoget

itallworkedout.Bythetimewegetback,I’llhavehimpreparedforyoutobebackwith
us.”

Brandonsighedandsanktothefloor,sittingwithhisbackagainstthewall.

“Hey,”Tylersaid.“Don’tworry.”

“Pleasestopsaying‘don’tworry.’Idon’tseehowIcandoanythingbutworry.”

BrandonwatchedTylerpacktheclothesheneededintoasuitcase.Sincethetravelers

weremakinganearlystartofitinthemorning,theyallwenttobedearlythatnight.

THE FOLLOWING

morning did not get off to a good start. It was profoundly not

good. Even though they had gone to bed early the previous night, they had lain in bed
talking, plus doing a few other things, and had been awake quite late. Somehow they
didn’thearTyler’salarmwhenitwentoffatfiveandoversleptsothatTyler’sdadhadto
poundonthebedroomdoortowakethemup.

“Comeon,Tyler,we’releavinginfiveminutes.Getdressedandgetintothecar.”

Brandon was up like a shot, but Tyler was clearly having a harder time waking up.

BrandonquicklythrewonhisclothesanddraggedTyleroutofbed.HepushedTyleralong
sinceTyler’sdadwaswaiting,nonetoopatiently,forTylertogetintothecar.Outofhabit,
Brandon grabbed his backpack as he pushed Tyler out the door. Tyler’s dad closed and
lockeditafterthem.BrandongotTylerpointedtowardthecarandthenwatchedthecar
backoutofthedrivewayandheadoffdowntheroad.

And then it hit him. Tyler hadn’t given him keys. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh holy fuck.

Brandondidn’thaveanywaytogetintothehouse—thehousewhereallhisclotheswere,
the house where his wallet was, the house where his cell phone was. Oh fuck. Oh holy
fuck. What the hell was he supposed to now? He didn’t have any money, and he didn’t
haveanyaccesstothehouse.Fuck,fuck,fuck.

Andthentherewastheissueofthecar.Thecarkeyswerewiththehousekeys,which

were probably in Tyler’s pocket or in his backpack, or maybe they were lying inside
somewhere.Whoknew?Whyhadn’thegottenthekeyslastnightwhenTylerbroughtup
theidea?AllthatmatteredwasthatBrandondidn’thaveaccesstoanything.Withoutthose
keys,Brandonhadnoplacetogo,noplacetostay,andnowaytogetanywhere.Without
thosekeys,Brandonrealizedthathenowtrulywasindeedhomeless.

Chapter16—TheBoyundertheBridge

WITHNO

alternative,BrandonwalkedfromTyler’shousetothefarmproducestand.It

wasseveralmiles,buthedidn’thaveanyotheroptions.Plustheearlyhourgavehimtime
tomakethetrekandnotbelatetostartwork.

Despitebeingcompletelypreoccupiedwithhisconcernsaboutwhereintheworldhe

wasgoingtosleepthatnight—oranyofthenightsTylerwasgone—Brandonworkedhis
fullday.Hisjobdidn’trequirealotofintellect.Musclesweretheprerequisiteforwhathe
did.Heneededtobeabletoliftandtote,andthatwaspreciselywhathedidallday.

He hauled customer purchases to their cars, especially the big orders, like bushel

basketsofapplesortomatoes.Whenbusinesswasslower,hehauledthingsoutofthecold
storage in the back and restocked bins and counters with fresh produce. The owner also
asked him to walk through and spot check the produce already out, removing any that
didn’tlookfreshandpristine.Brandonwasgladthatitwasabusydaythatdaysincehe
neededtohavesomethingtotakehismindoffhisproblems.

Whenbusinessslowedlaterintheafternoon,though,hismindkeptgoingrightback

tohisnumberoneconcern—whatwashesupposedtodoattheendofthedaywhenthe
standclosed?Everythinghehad,allhisclothes,hisrazor,histoothbrush,everythingthat
heneededwasinTyler’shouse,inthehousetowhichhedidnothaveakey.Hehadno
waytogettowhatheneeded.Hisonlyoptionwastobreakinandtherewasnowayhe
wasgoingtodothat.

Whenhecheckedtoseeifhehadanycash,theonlythingsinhispocketswerehis

hands.Hehadn’tworkedtherelongenoughyettoreceiveapaycheck.Whentheystarted
to close up the stand for the day, Brandon worked up his courage and asked the owner,
Marge,ifshecoulddohimafavor.

“Marge, I hate to do this, and I wouldn’t if I didn’t absolutely have to, but do you

havetwentydollarsIcouldborrowuntilIgetpaid?”

“Don’tyouhaveanymoney?”sheaskedinherbrisk,responsiblefashion.

“Ido,butmywalletisbackatTyler’shouse—”

“Andtheyjustlefttodayforthatfuneral,”shesaid,nodding.

“Right,”hesaid,hopingsheunderstoodhisdilemma.

“Allright.Ijustwantedtobesureyouweren’tgonnadrinkituporsomethingstupid

likethat.”

“Idon’tdrink,Marge.Drinkingwouldinterferewithmytraining.Ispendtoomuch

timetrainingforswimmeets.”

“Youkeepitthatway,”shesaidasshehandedhimatwenty-dollarbillshehadpulled

fromtheregister.

“Thankyou,Marge.Youarealifesaver.”Brandongaveherhisbiggestsmileandin

thiscaseitwasheartfelt.Whiletherewerestillmanyunsolvedproblems,atleasthenow
hadsomecashwithwhichtobuyatoothbrush,ifnothingelse.

Brandon threw himself into his work for closing and managed to get everything

movedinsideandgotallofthedoorsslidintoplaceandlocked,anditonlytookhiman
extrafifteenminutes.Hewasproudofthatachievement,eventhoughitwasprettyminor
inthegrandschemeofthings.

Since money would be a rare commodity until Tyler got back, Brandon knew he

neededtomakethetwentydollarslastaslongaspossible.Todealwiththat,Tylerhadan
ideathathadcometohimearlierinthedayashe’dbeensprucingupthefruitondisplay.
A lot of what he was ordered to discard was basically good, with just relatively minor
bruisesorblemishesinonespot.

AfterMargehadgottenintohertruckandheadedofftowardhome,Brandonwalked

around to the back of the standwherethedumpsterresided.Hecouldn’tbelievehewas
reduced to this, but he flipped the lid of the dumpster up and reached inside to pull out
some of the produce he’d been ordered to remove earlier. He retrieved some carrots, a
coupleofapples,apeach,andanythingelsehethoughthecouldeat.Brandonshovedhis
dinnerintoadiscardedplasticbagandsetoffwalkingthetwomilestogetbackintotown.

Hisfirstinstinctwastosaytohimselfthathewaswalkinghome.

But,thatwasn’tright.Itwasn’thomeandhedidn’tknowwherehewasgoingtocall

homethatnight,oranyoftheothernightsTylerwasawayforthatmatter.Butthenhehad
aflashofinspiration.

TheoneplaceTylerhadtakenhimintown,otherthanworkorthepooltopractice,

was the place where Tyler had gone to practice before a pool had been built in his
community. The town had grown up at the point at which two good-sized rivers came
together to form one large river. Tyler had told him that before the school had added a
swimming pool a few years back, he had used the river for practice. Depending on the
current, it could be a vigorous workout trying to swim upstream. Neither river was a
ragingtorrent,sothecurrentwasalwaysmanageable.

Tyler had taken him there by a little-known pathway that could very easily be

overlooked. The path took not quite a quarter mile of walking, ending directly at the
smallerofthetworivers.Wherethepathended,hehadtwooptions.Optiononewasto
stepintotheriver,andoptiontwowastoturnaroundandleave.Therewerehugebushes
onbothsides,mostappearedtobeloadedwithbigthornsthatlookedliketheycoulddo
someseriousdamage.

The river was relatively shallow at the moment since it hadn’t rained in quite some

time,soTylersteppeddirectlyintotheslow-movingwaterandwalkedalongthecenterof
theriverbed.Abouttwenty-fivefeetfromwherethepathdumpedhimintotheriver,the
riverwentunderabridge.Largeconcreteslabsroseatforty-five-degreeanglesfromthe
riverbed up to the underside of the bridge. It wasn’t glamorous, and it certainly wasn’t
goingtobecomfortable,butBrandoncouldatleastdrawcomfortfromthefactthathehad

foundaplacewherehecouldsleepforthenight.

Underneaththebridgewaslitteredwithdebrisofvarioussorts.Someofitwastrash,

afewpiecesprobablydepositedwhentheriverwashigherthanitwasrightnow.Andof
coursehefoundavarietyofusedcondoms.Itwasclearfromthedebrisscatteredaround
thatcoupleshadusedthespaceasarendezvousspot,ifthenumberofdiscardedcondoms
was an accurate indicator. In addition to the debris, though, there was a great deal of
graffiti of all sorts, some quite artistic, more that could be best described as editorial in
thatitgavetheartist’sopinionaboutaparticularissueorperson.

Basicallytossingacoininhishead,Brandonpickedasideandmadehiswayoutof

the river. He climbed about halfway up the concrete incline, found a relatively
nondisgustingarea,andsatdown.Hemadeamentalnotetobringsomecardboardboxes
withhimthenextnight.Theyweren’tmuch,buthecouldatleastbreakthemdownandlie
onthem.Anycushioningwasbetterthannocushioning.

Sincehisshoeswerewetfromtrekkingthroughtheriver,heslippedthemoffsothey

and his feet could dry overnight. Looking around he found a couple of pieces of old,
weathered cardboard. They weren’t too disgusting, so he snagged them to serve as a
pillowforthenight.

Dinner consisted of the bruised fruit he’d rescued from the dumpster. It was all he

had,soitwasasfillingasitwasgoingtobe.Themainproblemhehadwassimple—there
werestillacoupleofhoursofdaylightleftandhehadabsolutelynothingtodo.Hedidn’t
haveabooktoread,hedidn’thaveanewspaper,notamagazine,nothing.Ofcoursethere
wasnoTVorradiooranythingtolistentobesidesthesoundofcarspassingoverheadand
thewaterflowingpasthisspot.Hewouldhavekilledtohaveabigthickpaperbackbook
to read. He had all this time undisturbed, and it was going to be utterly wasted, not to
mentionboringashell.

“Now what the fuck do I do?” Brandon asked himself aloud in frustration. He lay

back,buthequicklyfoundthatboring—andhard.Heraisedhimselfuponhiselbowsand
looked first left and then right. To the left he saw the gentle, flowing, low-level river,
which was actually more of a stream at the moment because it had been so dry for so
manyweeks.

When Brandon turned his head to the right, though, he saw the river widened.

Leaning forward, he spotted the other river and saw where the two came together. The
secondriverwasstillafairdistanceawaybutevenfromwherehewas,Brandoncouldtell
that it was significantly bigger. Both wider and he would guess deeper, the other river
lookedmoresubstantiveineveryway.

Obviously there was no way swimming was possible in the part of the river near

Brandon,soclearlyitwastimetodoalittleexploration.Heexpectedslippinghisfeetinto
wetsneakerswouldbeawful—itproveddisgusting.

Itwasstillquitewarm,borderingonhotandhumid,soBrandondecidedtodispense

withhisT-shirt.Hestrippeditoffandtuckeditintohisbackpocket,thenreturnedtothe
riverbedtocontinuewalkingbeyondwherehewasgoingtosetupcamp.

Hewasquitesurprisedthatthedepthoftheriverincreasedratherquickly.“Whatthe

fuck?”hesaidaloud,wonderinghowthatwaspossible,butthenhefigureditout.Hewas
about twenty feet from where the two rivers merged. The other river was much more
substantialthanhehadanticipated.Therewasasignificantcurrenttogowiththeadded
water, but from where he was standing the current was perfectly manageable. Since he
hadn’tbeenabletoswimforacoupleofdays,thewatercalledtohim,andwhowasheto
sayno?

Effortlessly and intuitively he slipped his head under the water and started to glide

through the water. At the last minute, he remembered his T-shirt and quickly turned
aroundtoreturnittothesideoftheriver.Sincealltheclotheshehadwerewhathehad
withhim,hecouldn’tloseanythingwithoutbeinginserioustrouble.

The current was stronger as he worked his way into the combined river, but it was

nothing he couldn’t handle. He really liked the fact that he could swim for a good long
distance,completelyunlikedoinglapsinapool.Swimmingdownstreamwiththecurrent
wasn’tsobad,butofcoursegoingbackupstreamtookmorework.Againitwasnothing
hecouldn’thandle.Hefeltgoodputtinghisswimmingmusclesbacktowork.

ForanhourBrandondidtheequivalentoflaps,justonafargranderscalethanhehad

everknown.Whenhismusclesfeltliketheywereabouttocompletelygiveout,Brandon
workedbacktothesmallerriverandclimbedoutofthewaterandmadehiswaybackto
pickuphisshirtandreturntohiscamp.Thelightwasfadingbythispoint,sohestripped
offallofhisclothessotheycoulddryovernight.Itlefthimfeelingalittledefenselessand
vulnerable,buttherewasn’tmuchhecoulddoaboutthat.Atleastthiswaybothheandhis
clothesgotrinsed,andhewouldn’tstinkthenextday.

Thenextmorningwasanotherinaseriesofnearlyidenticaldays.Hehadapattern

now:walktowork,worklikeadog,sweatlikeafarmanimal,snagsomedamagedfruit
forhisdinner,andthenwalkbacktohiscamptoswim,eat,andsleep.Withcardboardhe
broughtwithhimtheseconddayandthethirdday,hewasabletomaketheconcretefeela
littlelesshardandtogetsomesleepatnight,evenifitwasn’tthebestsleephe’deverhad.

Itrainedonthefourthday,sohestayedunderhisbridge.Hewassoakedtothebone

fromwalkingbackintherain,soswimmingwouldn’thavemadehimanywetterthanhe
alreadywas,buthejustdidn’tfeellikegettingintothewaterthatnight.

Therainwasoverbymorningsoatleastonthefifthdayhecouldwalktoworkand

bemostlydry.Hisclotheshadnotdriedallthewayovernight,sohewasuncomfortable
beyond belief as he walked the two miles to work. He finally dried out somewhat as he
workedthroughthewarmmorning.

Eachmorninghewouldlooklonginglyatoneofthemuffinsorbreadsthatcameout

ofMarge’ssmallbakerybesidethefruitstand.Herthingsweresogoodthatpeoplecame
frommilesaroundtogetwhatshemade.Eachdayhadadifferentfeatureditemandeach
tasty item had its followers. As much as he had tried to be subtle, Marge had seen him
drooling and gave him one or two of something each morning, for which he was so
grateful.Hewasevenmoregratefulthatshedidn’taskhimanyquestions.

“IhadacallfromTyler’sdadthismorning,”MargesaidwhileBrandonwolfeddown

abigmuffinonthefifthmorning.

“Oh?”Brandonsaid,suddenlyfullyfocusedonMargeandwhatshewastellinghim.

“Aretheyheadingbacksoon?”

“They’regoingtobedelayedingettingbackhere.”

Brandon’sheartsankatthatnews.“Oh?What’sgoingon?Issomethingwrong?”

“Notreally,butthey’vegottogetthehousecleanedoutsoitcangoonthemarket

andit’sturnedouttobeahellofalotmoreworkthantheybargainedon.Soundslikethe
personthatlivedtherewasabitofahoarder.”

“Anyguesseshowlongthey’regoingtobegone?”Brandonasked,almostdreading

theanswer.

“He thinks maybe another five or six days. They can’t be sure. He said Tyler was

upset about missing so much work, but I told him you were doing just fine by yourself.
ThetruthisthatyouareamuchbetterworkerthanTyler.Hetries,butyou’vegotdrive
thathedoesn’thave.”

Brandoncouldn’thelpbutsmileatthecompliment,andheknewitwasn’tjustempty

praise.Margewasatough-as-nailswomanwhodidn’ttosscomplimentsaroundunlessit
hadbeenearned.HewashappywiththepraisebutdiscouragedbythenewsTylerwould
besomuchlongeringettingback.

Overall, though, the day ended on an up note because it was payday. When he’d

finished up with shutting everything down for the day, Marge handed him a white
envelope.Whenhelookedinsidehewasbeyondhappytoseecash—cold,hardcash.He
didn’t care how much it was, he was just relieved to finally have some money in his
pocket.

“I owe you twenty dollars,” Brandon said immediately, pulling a twenty out of the

envelope.

“Nope,Ialreadydeductedit.Whatyouhaveisallyours.”

HewassohappyhecouldhavekissedMarge.Hedidn’t,buthealmostcouldhave.

Thatnightonhiswalkbacktohiscampsite,hestoppedbythelocalgrocerystoreanddid
somethinghehadn’tdonesofar—heboughtaroastedchickenandcarrieditbacktohis
campsiteandsavoredthetaste,eatingasifhe’dnevereatenbefore.Eating“lighter”had
been tough, especially when he had started to train again using the river as his training
ground. Training always burned up a huge number of calories, and he unfortunately had
notbeenabletoreplenishthosecaloriesaseasilyashehadbefore.

Withhisbellyfull,hesettleddowntosleepandwasdoingmuchbetterthanhehad

anynightsincehe’dbeenthere—atleastforawhile.Theunmistakablerumbleofthunder
somewhereawaysoffwokeBrandonfromasoundsleep.Atfirsthedidn’tknowwhere
hewas,butoncehefiguredthatout,hedidn’tknowwhathadwokenhim.Aseconddeep
rumbleofthunderansweredthatquestionforhim.

Withtheincreasingflashesoflightningandtherumblesofthundergettingharderand

sharper, he guessed the storm was approaching. There had been other storms, but those
hadn’twokenhim.Thisstormwaseitherbiggerorstrongerorbothbecausetheflashesof
lightninggotcloserandcloserandwiththemcameatorrentialdownpourofrain.Itwas

eitheramassivestorm,orsomehowitstalledoverhislocationbecauseitseemedtolast
forhours.

Brandontriedtosleepsomemore,butthenoiseseemedtoechothroughthevalley,

somehowmagnifyingasitpassedunderthebridgewherehewasnested.Asthestormgot
closerandmoreintense,sleepwasnexttoimpossiblesimplybecauseofthenoise.

Duringanespeciallystrongflashoflightning,Brandonnoticedthattheriverwasno

longersmallandmostdefinitelynotplacid.Hecouldseethewaterhadrisenseveralfeet
andhadastrongcurrent.Thethunderandthetorrentialdownpourmusthavedrownedout
anychanceofhearingtheincreasedvolumeofwaternearby.

Andnotonlywasitrising,butitwasmovingataferociouspace,asifallthewater

wanted to get downstream immediately because something even bigger and worse was
snappingatitsheels,abouttocatchit.Thebanksoftheriverconstrainedit,sotheonly
choiceavailablewasfortherivertorise,whichiswhatitwasdoing.Thewaterflowing
pasthimnowwasangry,turbulent,anddangerous.Nowthatheknewwhattolistenfor,he
wasabletosortoutthesoundofthewaterintheriverfromalloftheotherstormnoises
surrounding him. Rushing past his location it grew louder and louder and only added to
theterrorBrandonfelt.

Hehadneverspentmuchtimebyariversohewasshockedbyhowquicklythewater

wasrising.Inamatterofminutesthewaterlevelroseseveralmorefeetfromwhereithad
been the last time he looked. He moved farther up, toward the underside of the road
surfaceofthebridgeinanefforttokeephimselffromgettingsweptawayintherushof
waterthatmadeupthisnewandterrifyingriver.

Brandonwaskickinghimselfmentallythathehadn’tmadeplans,hadn’tscopedout

anescapepathforjustsuchanoccasion.Eachmorningheexitedbythewayhecamein
the previous evening, by walking along the riverbed. There was no way he could even
think about that now. The angry torrents of water would kill anyone who got caught in
theirpath,grabbingholdofthemandwhippingthemaroundlikearagdoll,smashingtheir
headagainsttherocksonthebottomoftheriverbed.Brandonverymuchwantedtolive.

Hemadeasplit-seconddecisiontogetoutofwherehewas,andhehadtodoitright

now.Thewaterwasn’tgoingdownbutwasdoingexactlytheopposite,andgettinghigher
bytheminute.Itwasgonoworbesweptaway.Hecrawledasbesthecouldtotheupper
edge and felt around to see if there was anything he could grab hold of above him,
somethinghecouldgriptohoisthimselftosafety.

Frantically feeling around and looking when the lightning gave some illumination,

Brandon spotted one thing that might work. With water lapping at his heels, trying to
catchontohimanddraghimdown, he knew it was now or never, so he gave it a shot,
propelled himself upward, and somehow managed to grab hold of a piece of steel. The
watercontinuedtorise,sohedidn’twastetimeinpullinghimselfupward.Findinganother
handholdabovethefirst,hemovedhigher.Hewasneversogratefulaswhenhemanaged
topullhimselfovertherailingandontothesidewalkthatranbesidetheroadsurface of
thebridge.

Gasping for air and desperately trying to get his heart to slow down to a more

reasonablerate, he knelton all fourson the rough surfaceof the sidewalk.In just a few

seconds,hewassoakedtotheskin,buthewouldhaveremainedtherehaditnotbeenfor
the way the bridge seemed to shudder with the rush of water just a few feet beneath its
surface.Whenhefeltthewaterstarttosplashupontothesidewalk,heleapedtohisfeet
anddashedasfastashecouldtogetoffthebridge.Hedidn’tknowwheretogoorwhatto
do,butheknewthathisprevioussanctuarywassafenomoreandheneededtogetaway
fromthatdamnedbridge.

Notknowingofanotheroption,herantowardTyler’shouse,thinkingthathecould,if

nothing else, get into the garage or the back porch of the house and try to huddle there
untilthestormended.Thegaragewaslocked,butherememberedtheshedthatsattoward
thebackofthepropertyandinwhichtheystoredthelawnmowerandotheroutdooryard
tools.Thankfullytheshedwasnotlocked.Therewasn’tenoughopenspaceforhimtolie
down, but at least he was out of the rain and could lean against a wall and try to stop
shaking.Whathewouldn’thavegiventohaveabedtosleepin,evenatowelwithwhich
towipehisface.

Forthelongesttime,though,sleepwasnotremotelyanoption.Thestormcontinued

unabatedandwitheverycrackofthunder,itfeltlikethewallsoftheshedvibrated.Ontop
ofthat,Brandoncouldnotstopshaking.Hesupposeditwasfrombeingtotallydrenched,
butsomeofhisshakingwasalsolikelyfromfear.Itwasn’teveryday,afterall,thathewas
nearlysweptawayinaflashflood.Personallyhehopedheneverexperiencedthatagain.

Somehowhemanagedtosleepalittle,grabbingtenortwentyminuteshereandthere,

morewhenthestormfinallystartedtowinddownandmoveoutofthearea.Hecouldnot
recallanotherstormthathadbeenasintenseasthatone.

Sincethenighthadbeensowet,hisclothes—soakedbytherainthepreviousnight—

had not had a chance to dry out. Consequently in the morning, every step was irritating
andannoying.

He wasn’t sure if his bridge would even still be there the next day. He desperately

hopeditwould,becauseotherwisehe’dhaveamuch,muchlongerwalktogettowork.

Thebridgewasstilltherewhenhewalkedtowork,buttherewereunmistakablesigns

thewaterhadcomeupoverthesurfaceatsomepointbeforethestormhadfinished.There
was gravel and dirt all over the bridge road surface, presumably tossed there by the
torrentsofwater.

His night had been about the least restful night he’d ever had, and that was saying

somethingfortheguywhohadsleptonconcreteunderabridge.Thetrektoworkwaslike
a forced march. Every step was sheer torture. All he wanted to do was to curl up
somewhere,anywhere,andgotosleep.

“Youlooklikecrap,”Margesaidwhenshecaughtsightofhim.

“Thatwasonehellofastormwehadlastnight,wasn’tit?”

“Damnedstraight.Ihaven’tseenagullywasherlikethatinyears.”

“Whatdidyoucallit?Agullywasher?”

“Don’ttellmeyou’veneverheardthattermbefore.”

“Ihaven’t.Whatdoesitmean?”

“Justwhatitsoundslike,”shesaid.“Astormsoferociousthatitsweepsawayallof

thebuilt-upgarbageandcraptomakeitcleanandfreshonceagain.”

“Surefits.Itsurewasintense,”Brandonsaid.

“Wokemeupoutofasoundsleep.Isthatwhyyoulooklikecraptoday?Diditwake

youuptoo?”

“Yes,itdid.Itwascomingdownsohard,waterwasrisingeverywhere.”

“Yep.Itcamedownsofastitjustcouldn’tsoakinfastenough,soitallhadtorunoff

somewhere.”

Brandonmanagedtogetthroughtheday,partlybyusinghismiddaybreaktotakea

nap. The heat of the day coupled with the humidity that remained from the previous
night’s storm made for a miserable day, and of course the stand wasn’t air-conditioned
becauseitwaspartiallyopentotheoutdoors.Bytheendofworkthatafternoon,whenhe
wasabletoleave,Brandonwasreadytosleepforaweek.

Hewasscaredtogobackunderthebridge,buthewascurioustoseewhatthestorm

had done to his previously safe spot. Even though it was exceptionally squishy getting
down to the riverbank, he made it. Nothing that had been there remained. All of his
cardboard was gone, everything he’d had there, not that there was much to begin with,
wasgone.Thewaterhadwashedawayeverything,boththegoodandthebad.

When he’d first taken up residence under the bridge, he’d wandered north one

eveningalongtheriverbedsinceitwassoshallowontheupstreamside.Heremembered
twothings:one,theriverwasmuchwiderformostofthedistanceheexplored.Probably
tosavemoneytheyhadmadethebridgeasnarrowaspossible,whichmeantthatwhenthe
waterroseintheriverupstream,itallhadtofunnelintothenarrowspotunderthebridge,
which meant that it must have done this countless times over the years since it had
originallybeenbuilt.

The second thing he had noticed was that there was a lot of crap that people had

tossed into the river over the years. Not literal crap, he hoped, but stuff that they didn’t
wantorneedanylonger.Howthey’ddoneit,hehadnoidea,butinadditiontotheusual
stufflikecartiresandoldclothesandsneakersandstufflikethat,therewasalsoafull-size
washing machine. An actual, honest-to-goodness clothes washer—sitting right in the
middleoftheriverbed.Itwasprobablyahalfmilenorthofhiscampsite.

Brandon wondered if the storm had managed to shift that washer much. Out of

curiosity, when he’d first found it, he’d tried to push it. It was lying on its side, so the
barrel part had been filled with water from the river’s current. He had not been able to
budge the thing at all. It had been there long enough that it seemed to have almost put
downrootsandanchoreditselfintotheriverbed.

Thelogicalpartofhisbrainwasscreamingathimtofindsomeplacetosleep,butthe

otherhalfofhisbrainwasurginghimtogocheckitout,toseeifthestormhadmanaged
to shift that heavy old washer very far. There was still more water in the riverbed than
usual.Mostdayshe’dbeenabletowalkandsometimesnotevengethisfeetwetinplaces,

butthatafternoontherewaswatereverywhere,andhewashavingtopushforwardagainst
thecurrent,whichhadsomestrength.

He’d gone maybe two hundred yards and started to question what the hell he was

doing.Butsincehe’dstarted,hewasgoingtofinishit.Heknewexactlywherethewasher
hadsat,soheknewhedidn’thaveallthatmuchfarthertogo.

But when he got to where the washer was supposed to be lying on its side on the

riverbed, he couldn’t find it. Convinced that the water must have been deeper than it
seemed and must be covering the washer, he walked back and forth sweeping his feet
throughthewatertryingtofindit.Buthegottwosurprises:one,thewaterdepthwasashe
hadinitiallyguessed,namelynotdeepenoughtohideafull-sizedwashingmachine,and
two,thewashingmachinewasgone.

He’dtraipsedtheretofindoutifthewatercurrenthadbeenstrongenoughtomove

the machine a few inches, but unless something magical had happened last night, the
water had moved it more than that. He surveyed all up and down the river as far as he
couldseefromhiscurrentlocation,butnomatterwherehelookedorhowfarhewalked,
thewashingmachinewassimplygone.Therivercurrentthepreviousnighthadpickedit
upandcarrieditdowntherivertowhoknowswhere.

Margewasright.Thestormhadbeenstrongenoughtosweepawayallthedebristhat

hadaccumulatedovertime.Maybethatwaswhythepersonwhodumpeditthereinthe
first place had done it, because they knew it wasn’t going to remain there forever, but
wouldbepickedupandmovedondownstream,probablynotallatonce,butalittlemore
every time there was a storm and the currents got strong enough to shove it along.
Brandonhadabrand-newrespectforthepowerofwatercurrents.

Hedidn’tstaytherethatnight.Forone,hewasterrifieditwouldhappenagain.For

anotherhewasn’tgoingtosleeponconcreteagain,andsincethewaterhadwashedaway
allofhiscardboardhe’dslepton,concretewouldbehisonlyoptionifhesleptthere.

Out of ideas, he wandered toward Tyler’s house, where he noticed something he

hadn’tthelasttimehe’dbeenthere,namelythatthegrasshadgrowntremendouslyfrom
themultiplerainstormsthey’dhadwhileTyler’sfamilywasaway.

It was getting late, so Brandon settled into the shed, awkward as it was. He could

have felt depressed that his eighteenth birthday had been nothing special, but instead he
wasjustgladtobealive.Hesleptcurledupintheshedthatnight.

Thenextnight,rightafterwork,whenthesunandtheheathaddriedupalotmoreof

themoisturefromthestorm,thelawnwasdryenoughforhimtomow.Duringthenight
he’dsleptintheshed,he’dhadtopositionhimselfaroundthelawnmower,whichtookup
alotofthelimitedspace.Hestartedthemowerandgotunderwaywiththemonotonous
treksbackandforth.Itwasmoredifficultgoingthanusualbecausethegrasshadgrownso
much.

Acoupleoftimeshestalledthemowerandhadtobackupandcutinsmallerswaths.

For a couple of hours, he succeeded in disconnecting his mind from his body. He

focused on the physicality of the experience, focused on the motion, the back and forth
trek.Hewasexhausted,hewasstarving,buthecouldn’tthinkabouteitherofthosethings

rightnow.Insteadhefocusedontheonethinghecouldcontrol,andthatwasgettingthe
yard looking better. He knew Tyler’s dad put a lot of stock in keeping his yard looking
neat. Before he’d started, it had been out of control, but it looked substantially better
wherehe’dmowed.HethoughtperhapsthismighthelphimgetbackingoodwithTyler’s
family.

He’dbeenmowingforabouttwohourswhenBrandongotasurprisethatmadehim

jump and scream. A hand touched his arm. He hadn’t heard anyone approach and was
totallyshocked.Hisfeetliterallyleftthegroundasheleapedawayfromthehandandthe
unknownpersonconnectedtoit.WhenhesawTyler’sdad,heturnedoffthemower.

“Brandon,whatareyoudoing?”Tyler’sdadasked,ahugesmileonhisface.

“I didn’t know you were there. Sorry. You scared the crap out of me.” He leaned

forwardforasecondtotrytocalmhimselfandgethisheartratebackundercontrol,and
then he explained. “We’ve had a lot of rain while you were gone and your lawn was
getting kind of shaggy. I know how important it is to you to keep it looking good, so I
thoughtitwassomethingIcoulddotohelpyouout.Ididn’tknowwhenyou’dbeback,
andIknewifitwaitedmuchlongeritwouldbeimpossibletocut.Ihopethatwasokay.
I’msorryifIdidsomethingwrong.”

“Brandon, I’m not mad. This is wonderful. This is fantastic! Thank you so much. I

was dreading this job when I got back. I knew I’d have a hell of a chore awaiting me.
You’vehelpedmetremendously,andIcan’tthankyouenoughforyourthoughtfulness.”

Brandon smiled shyly. “You folks have been good to me, and it seemed like

somethinghelpfulthatIcoulddotohelppayyoubackfortakingmeinwhenIneededit.”

“It’sgettingdarknow.Whydon’tyouputthemowerawayandcomeinsideandhave

somethingtodrink.Mowingishotwork.It’sreallymuggyoutheretoo.”

BrandonliftedhisT-shirtarmtowipethesweatoffhisface.

“Haveyoulostweight?”Tyler’sdadasked.

BrandonquicklydroppedtheT-shirt,embarrassed.“I’llgetthemowerputaway,but

woulditbeokayifIjustfinishedthisonelastsection?”heasked,pointingtoasmallarea.

“Youdon’thaveto,butsure,ifyou’dlike.Thencomeinside,please.”

Brandonfinishedthelasttenminutesofworkandthenputthemowerawayforthe

night.HeknockedonthebackdoorofthehouseandwasadmittedbyTyler’smom,who
smiledinwelcomejustasherhusbandhadafewminutesearlier.

“Brandon, thank you so much for doing the mowing. My husband was so pleased

when we drove up and saw you mowing his yard. He’d been talking about how much
workitwasgoingtobeforhimwhilewedroveback.Ithoughthewasgoingtodriveus
nutswiththewayhekeptbringingitup.”

“I’mgladIcouldhelp.I’llfinishittomorrownightwhenIcanseewhatI’mdoing.

You’vebothbeensogoodtome,andIwantedtodoanythingIcouldtobegintopayyou
back.”

“Aren’tyousweet,”shesaidwithamotherlysmile.

TylersteppedintotheroomjustthenandlookedatBrandonwithalookofconfusion

onhisface.“Hey,”hesaid.

“Hey,”Brandonsaid,unabletostophisfacefrombreakingoutintoahugesmileat

thesightofhisboyfriend.“Welcomehome.Howwasyourtrip?”

“Long.Ithoughtwe’dnevergetfinished.Yougotaminute?”Tylerasked.

“Sure.Myshoesareamess,though.Actually,allofmeisamess,soIdon’twantto

gotraipsingthroughthehouse.”

“Okay,let’sgooutback.”

Oncetheywerealone,Tylersaid,“Dude,nothing’smoved,nothing’sbeentouched.

Didn’tyoustayhere?”

“How could I?” Brandon asked, surprising himself by the amount of unexpected

angerinhisvoice.“Ididn’thaveakeytogetin.”

Tylervisiblypaledinshock.“Oh,fuck.Fuck,fuck,fuck,”hesworetohimself.“Oh,

Bran, I am so, so very sorry. Fuck. Shit. I’m so sorry. I overslept that morning and…
and…and….”

“Iknow,”Brandonsaid,calmernow.“Sorry.Ididn’tmeantosnapatyou.Itjustleft

meinanunexpectedbind.”

“Sowhathaveyoubeendoing?Wherehaveyoubeenstaying?”

“Around,”Brandonansweredevasively.

“Around?Whatdoesthatmean?”

“AnywhereIcouldfindspacetobesheltered.”

Tylergrappledhiminabighug.“OhmyGod!Brandon,you…you’re….Shit,Bran,

Icanfeelyourbones.You’velostweight.What’sgoingon,man?”

“Everything happened so fast that morning you left. My money, my wallet, my cell

phone—everything, is upstairs in your bedroom. My clothes. Everything. All I had was
whatwasinmypocketsthatmorning—nothingelse.There’snotmuchyoucandowithno
money.”

“I’msosorry,Bran.Pleasebelieveme.AllthistimeIfiguredyouwerestayinghere.

Ifeelstupidnowforbeingmadatyou.”

“Madatme?Whywereyoumadatme?”Brandonasked.

“Youneveransweredyourphoneormytextsoremails.Ididn’tknowwhyyouwere

shuttingmeouttotally.Iwasthinkingtheworst.”

“Myphonewasupstairsinyourbedroom,”Brandonexplained.

“Fuck.”Tylerlookedvisiblypained.

“Ididsortofstayherethelasttwonights,”Brandonsaidsoftly,stillnotlookingat

Tyler.

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Tylerasked.“Howcanyou‘sortof’staysomewhere?”

“Isleptinyourshed…afterkindofgettingchasedoutofwhereIhadbeenstaying.”

“Where’sthat?”

“Doesn’tmatter,”Brandontried,butTylerwasn’tbuyingitorlettingitgo.

“Wherewereyoustaying?”Tylerpushedgentlybutfirmly.

Brandonhadn’tplannedontellinghimthedetails,buthefiguredwhynot,sohewent

aheadandsharedwithTylerwhathe’dbeenuptowhileTylerwasgone.

“I used some cardboard to soften it a little, and I slept there. It was okay until a

whopperofastormhitus.I’veneverseensomuchrain.”

“Oh,shit,no.”

“Yeah,theriverstartedtorise.Itcameupalittlebit,andthenitcameupabitmore

sothatIstartedtohearit.Thenitroseevenhigherandstartedtomovefaster.Itjustkept
coming up, and I kept moving higher, but it didn’t matter because I couldn’t get away
fromit.”Brandonwrappedhisarmsaroundhimselfandshiveredatthememory.

“IthoughtIwasgoingtodie,”hewhispered.“Itriedtogetontothescreened-inback

porch, but the door was locked. The garage door was locked too, but the shed was
unlocked,soIcurledupinthereandwaitedoutthestorm.

“IwasconvincedIwasgoingtofindthewholedamnedbridgejustgonethismorning

whenIwalkedtowork.”

Tylerhuggedhimhard.“I’msosorry.Comeoninside.Idon’tknowwhatwe’vegot

forfood,butyouneedtoeat,man.Andtakeashower,andwashyourclothes.”

“No, Tyler, I can’t. Your parents don’t want me here anymore. I overstayed my

welcome.I’mnotgoingbackinside.”

“Please,Brandon.”Tylerwasnearlyintears.

“Tyler,Iwanttosobadly,morethanyoucouldpossiblyeverunderstand,butIcan’t.

Theydon’twantme.”

“Idon’tcare,”Tylerpracticallyshouted.

“I’msorry,butIdo,”Brandonsaid.

“Will you… will you… I don’t know… will you climb in through my bedroom

window,takeashower,changeclothes,getsomesleepinarealbed?I’llbringaboxof
cerealupstairs.”

“Ican’tclimbuptoyourwindow.”

“Mydad’soutunloadingthecar.Justwalkintherewithmenow.Youlookmiserable.

You’re filthy. You need a shower and a couple dozen meals at least. And all your clean
clothesarethere.Comeon,please,forme.”

Brandonwantedtosodesperately.Hewasweakandsaid,“Allright,butjustthisone

time.”

ThatnightBrandonsleptonthefloorbesideTyler’sbed,outofsightshouldanyone

walkinunexpectedly.Itwasawarmnight,buttheblanketandthepillowhehadgavehim
comfortunlikeanyhe’dhadinweeks.

Afterheturnedoutthelights,TylerslippeddownontothefloorbesideBrandonand

rolledupbehindhim,spooningastightlyaspossibletogether.

“Whydidn’tyoucallJoel?”Tyleraskedsuddenly.

“Joelandhisfamilywentaway;theyleftimmediatelyafterthegraduationceremony.

Theyweregoingtobegoneforsixweeks.AndIdidn’thavemyphonetocontacthimor
anybodyelse.Itwashereinyourroom.”

“We’vegottogetyoubackuptoweight.Itissoweirdhuggingyouandfindingso

muchlesstoholdonto.”

“I’msorry,”Brandonwhispered,feelingembarrassedandashamedofhowhisbody

wasrevealingsecrets.“Ididn’twantyoutoseethat.”

“It’snotyourfault.Iblamemyselfforthis.Ican’tbelievehowstupidIwastoforget

togiveyouthekey.I’vebeenbeatingmyselfupalmostnonstopsinceyoutoldmethat.I
feelhorriblethatI’mtheonethatputyouinsuchaterribleposition.I’mresponsiblefor
everythingthat’shappenedtoyou.Alltheweightyou’velost.It’sallmyfault.”

“The main thing is that I’m not there now. I’m here in your arms now, and that’s

exactlywhereIwanttobe.”

ThenextmorningtheyhadtogetupandsneakBrandonoutquiteearly,butTylerwas

abletodrivethembothtoworkandwasabletohandlemostoftheworkloadthatdayso
Brandoncouldtakeiteasyforachange.Heevenmanagedtogooutbackbehindthestore
andliedownunderahugeoldtreeforanapduringtheafternoon.

Attheendoftheday,though,theywerestuck.Brandoncouldn’tgobacktoTyler’s

house,butTylercouldnotbringhimselftosendhisboyfriendtoliveunderabridge.Tyler
hadanidea.

“Waybackinthewoodsbehindourhouse,mydadbuiltatreehouseformewhen I

wasalittlekid.Ihaven’tuseditforanythinginyears.ItusedtobewhereIwenttojerk
off when I first learned how to do that. How about I take you there and bring out some
blanketsandapillowfromthehouse?Icanalsosneaksomefoodouttoyou.”

“Only if you won’t get you into trouble. If there’s any chance you’ll get caught,

pleasedon’tdoit.I’vebeenlivingunderthebridgeforacoupleofweeksandcankeepon
doingit.”

Thetreehouseworkedgreat.Whiletheyearsofneglecthadworndowntheroofof

thestructure,thefloorwassolidandstable.Itwasthethirdnightwhenthelackofasolid
roof became an issue. Brandon got utterly soaked in the storm that night and persuaded
Tylertodrophimoffatthebridgerightafterworkbecauseitwasstillmistingrainandhe
didn’twanttospendanotherwetnight.

“Allright,butI’mcomingbackwithsomesuppliesforyouandtostaywithyou.”

“Suppliesyes,buttostay,no.I’msorry,butno.You’vegotabed,andIwantyouin

it.Webothdon’tneedtobemiserable.Andregardingthefoodandstuff,please,onlyif

youwon’tgetintotroubledoingit.”

“Letmeworryaboutthat.”

And so, for the next week and a half, Brandon was once again living camped out

wherehe’dswornheneverwouldagain—underthebridge.Twicehewasroustedbythe
copsandhadtoretreattothetreehouse.Acoupleoftimeshewasstartledawakebysome
animalsrustlingaround.Andafewothertimeshewokewhensomeonecametousethe
space under the bridge for a sexual rendezvous. He tried to remain very still both times
thathappenedsohedidn’tstartletheotherwiseoccupiedpeople.Inbothcasesitsounded
likeamaleandfemale.Hecouldn’tseetheminthedarkbutheheardeverysoundthey
made.Thefirsttwowerequitevocalastheypursuedtheirpassion.Hewassurprisedby
howmuchtraffichislittlesanctuarysawoverthecourseoftwenty-fourhours.

Onceeachweek,usuallyonSundaymorningswhenTyler’sparentswereoutofthe

houseforchurch,Brandongottotakeashowerandwashhisclothes.Hecametocherish
Sundaymorningsastheonlytimeduringtheweekwhenhefeltcleanandhalfwayhuman.
ButSundayswerealsotorturebecausethosefewminuteseachweekwhenhegottotakea
shower, wash his clothes, watch some television, eat some real food, and lie down on a
realmattressonlyservedasreminderstohimforthenextsevendaysofeverythinghedid
nothave.

Chapter17—AVisitor

AFTERAN

absolutely exhausting day that had been hot and miserable, Brandon was

lyingonhisbackontheconcreteinclineunderthebridge.He’dspentalotofnightsthere
over the last couple of weeks. He was surprised that the cops hadn’t chased him out for
more than a week. He had half expected the police to return again long before. They
alwaysshowedupatnightwhenhewassleepingorabouttogotosleep.He’dtoldthem
thathewasn’thurtinganybody,buthisargumentsnevercarriedanyweightwiththecops.

Hewasjustsettlinginforthenightwhenheheardasoundthatmadehimsitupand

pay attention. At first he couldn’t tell what exactly he was hearing. He could tell the
directionfromwhichitcame,butitwasunclearwhathadmadethesound.Andthenhe
hearditagain.Itsoundedlikelargepebblesbeingdisturbedandrollingdowntheincline.
Crap,someonewascoming.Heknewhisgoodluckhadruntoolongtocontinue.

Sure enough, Brandon heard the sound of footsteps. When a lone flashlight was

directedhisway,hestartedtogetup,preparedforhisstringofnightsunderthebridgeto
cometoanend.Butsomethingwasn’tright.Ittookhimaminutetofigureitout.Thenhe
gotit.Thepolicehadincrediblybrightflashlightswhentheycametochasehimaway.The
flashlight coming toward him now wasn’t anywhere near as bright as the one’s the cops
used.Thiswassomethingnew,somethingdifferent.

“Who’s there?” he called out, since they could see him with their light, but he

couldn’t see anything about them. Instinctively he reached behind him for a solid tree
branch that he always kept nearby when he slept under the bridge. He’d had to use it a
coupleoftimestochaseawayanimalsthathadwanderednearhimduringthenight.He
wasneverentirelysurewhattheywere,butonewhackwithhisstickandtheymovedon,
notbotheringhimfurther.He’dlearned,thehardway,thathecouldn’tleaveoutachicken
carcassfromhisdinnerbecauseitattractedtoomanyanimalsthatmusthavebeendrawn
totheodor.

“I said, who’s there? Identify yourself,” he repeated, trying his best to sound fierce

andintimidating.

“Brandon,it’sme.”“Me”turnedouttobeTyler’sfather,aboutthelastpersoninthe

worldhewouldhaveexpectedtoseehereunderhisbridge.

Brandon stared at his visitor when he finally got within a foot from the shocked

Brandon.

“Sir,um,hi,”hestammeredfinally.“What…whatareyoudoinghere?”

“Ididn’twanttobelieveitwhenIheardit,”hesaidbywayofgreeting,shakinghis

head. He gave Brandon a second surprise by grabbing him and hugging him tight for a
moment.

“Believe what?” Brandon asked, already feeling embarrassed. “Heard what?”

Brandonquicklydroppedthetreebranch.

“I heard someone talking today about the boy who was sleeping under the town

bridgeatnight.Ididn’tbelieveit,buttheyweresosureofitthatIhadtocomecheckit
out for myself. What in the world are you doing here under this bridge? This isn’t safe,
Brandon.Whyareyouhere?”

“WhatalternativedoIhave?”Brandonaskedhim.“Whenyoufolksleft,everythingI

had was back at your house. I couldn’t rent a motel room with no money, and I didn’t
knowanybodyelsearoundhere.Youalsocan’tdomuchofanythingelsewithnomoney.
Mycellphonewasbackatyourhousetoo,soIcouldn’tcallanyone.”

“Whyintheworlddidn’tyousaysomething?”heaskedBrandon.“Ihadnoideathat

thingswerethisbad.Ireallywishyouhadcomeandtalkedtomeandtoldmewhatwas
going on. You could have been staying with us all this time. My God, it’s not safe out
here.Youcouldberobbedorbeatenorevenkilled.Thepolicecouldfindyouhere.”

It was official—Brandon was embarrassed. He couldn’t look up to meet the man’s

gazeatfirst.Hesaidsoftly,“Theyhave.Thepolicecomehereonaregularbasis.They’ve
chasedmeoutofhereacoupleoftimes.”

“Theyhave?Wheredoyougothen?”

“I’vegotacoupleofbackupplaces,”Brandoncrypticallyanswered.“They’renotas

niceasthis,butaguy’sgottodowhataguy’sgottodo,youknow?I’moutofoptions,sir.
ThiswasaboutallIcouldfiguretodo.”

“And you could be robbed. Who knows what kind of people are out wandering

aroundatnightaroundhere.”

“Actuallyit’snotthepeoplethatscareme.Nottoomanypeopleotherthanthecops

comehereafterdark.Well,themandpeoplethatcomeheretohavesexasitturnsout.It’s
theanimalsthatscarethecrapoutofme.IthinkInearlypeedmyselfwhenIheardsome
noises one night, turned on the flashlight I’d bought earlier so I could read, and saw a
mountainlion.”

“A lion? There aren’t any wild lions around here anymore. They’ve been gone for

decades.”

“Trust me, she’s a real live mountain lion. Definitely. No question. And she’s a big

onetoo.”

“Really? We used to have lots of lions throughout the mountains all over this area.

ButIhaven’theardanyonementionlionsaroundhereinforever.”

“Well, I know of at least one, and she comes through here on a regular part of her

rounds. We try to keep one another at a healthy distance. Before long, though she’ll
probablybechangingherpatterns.”

“Whyisthat?”

“She’sclearlypregnantandIthinkhercubswillbealongsoon.She’llprobablymake

anestsomewheresafeandstickprettyclosetothatwhilethelittleonesaredefenseless.”

“Wow.Ihadnoidea.Iheardmygrandfathertalkaboutgoinglionhuntingbackinthe

day,butIreallydidthinktheywereallgonenow.”

“Nope. And there’s a wolf—at least I think it’s a wolf. It’s too big to be a coyote.

He’sprettyferociouslooking.Hecomesthroughheresometimesaswell.I’mjustgladthe
twoofthemhaven’tcomethroughhereatthesametime.Heglaresatmeeverytimehe’s
here,andhegrowlsandscaresthecrapoutofme.”

“Okay,”hesaiddecisively.“Comeon.”

“Sir?”

“Come on. You’re coming home with me. I am not leaving you out here, and I’m

sorry it’s taken me this long to figure out what was going on right before my eyes this
wholetime.I’msorryI’vemissedtheobviousandbeenblindtowhatwasinfrontofme.
IfIhadknownwhatthecircumstanceswere,Iwouldneverhavesentyouawayfromour
housebackwhenIdid.AndI’mverysorryfordoingthat,Brandon.”

“I’vetried to keep it very quiet. I didn’t tell anyone. I had no idea that anyone else

knew.”

“In small towns someone always sees things, and they just love to talk about what

they’ve seen. They all want to be the first to break some news. You’re big news in this
town.”

Brandonfeltembarrassedalloveragain.

“I’msosorry.I’msorrytodragyouintothis,sir.”

“Come on, let’s get you home and get you cleaned up and get some food into you.

Youhavelostweight,haven’tyou?”

Unabletolookthemanintheface,Brandonnoddedsilently.

“Comeon,”hesaid,pattingBrandononthebacklightly.“WhatcanIcarry?”

Allhehad,ifyoudidn’tcounttherattyoldjacketandblanket,waswhatfitinsidehis

two rolling suitcases, and those were already at his boyfriend’s house. He picked up his
flashlightandsaid,“Nothing.Thisisit.I’mready.”

“You’retellingmethateverythingyou’vegot…everything…iswhatyou’vegoton

youatthemoment?”

Brandonnodded,bowinghisheadinfreshshame.

“Brandon, I’m so sorry. I really had no idea things were this bad. I dearly wish I’d

known.Itjustkillsmethatyou’vebeenforcedtoliveunderabridge.Butthatendsright
now.Comeon.IthinkIcanhandlecarryingthatmuch.Let’sgohome.”

Thepathwaytogetfromtheroadtotheundersideofthebridgewasnoteasy.Itwas

rocky, the surface was uneven, and there was one fence that you had to squeeze past. It
tookthemaslongtowalkoutfromunderthebridgetothecarasitdidtodrivetheshort
distancetothehouse.

When they walked into the house together, Tyler and his mother were in the living

roomwatchingtelevision.Itwasaquestionastowhowasmoreshocked.Tylerprobably

gottheprize.

“Dad,what’sgoingon?”heasked.

“Tyler,wouldyoushowBrandonwheretheguestroomislocated?He’sgoingtostay

there. Brandon, why don’t you go take a long hot shower? Maybe Tyler has some clean
clothesyoucanborrowuntilwecangetyourswashed.They’refilthy.”

“I’msorry,sir,”Brandonsaid,acutelyawareofhisphysicalcondition.

“Noneedtobesorry.Justshower,changeclothes,andbringyouroldclothesdown

with you so we can get them in the washer. And then we’re going to start feeding you.
AndTyler?”hesaidashissonstartedupthestairsbehindBrandon.

“Yes,sir?”Tylersaid,stoppingandturningbacktofacehisfather.

“Please,thenexttime,cometalktome.Ican’tsolveeverything,butI’lllistenanddo

whatIcan.ButyouhavetotellmefirstsoIknowwhat’sgoingon.Noonethatanyofus
knowsshouldeverbeforcedtoliveunderabridge.Deal?”

“Yes,sir,”hesaidwithashysmile.

AHALF

hourlater,Brandonwasshoweredanddressedinaborrowedpairofsweatpants

andaT-shirt.Theclotheshunglooselyonhismorespareframe.Helookedsubstantially
cleaner.HesatatthekitchentablewithTylerandhisparentswhiletheykeptshovingfood
infrontofhimandinsistingthatheeat.

When Brandon clearly had maxed out on the food he could eat at the moment,

BrandonturnedtoTyler’sfatherandmotherandsaid,“Thankyou,both.I…thankyou.”

“Not a problem,” Tyler’s dad told him. “But I’ve got other news. Brandon, your

fathercalledme.”

“Hewhat?”Brandonpracticallyshouted.“How—I’msosorry,sir.”

“Yes,well,heisaratheropinionatedman,isn’the?”

Brandonchuckledwithamusement.“Youcouldsaythat.Whatdidhehavetosayto

you?”

“Well,atfirstIdidn’thaveaclue.HewastalkingsofastIcouldn’tgetaquestionin

toevenfigureoutwhohewasforaminuteortwo.Heappearstoberatherunhappywith
me.”

“Why?”

“Forhavingasonwhocorruptedyou.”

“I’msosorry,sir,”Brandonsaid.

“Notaproblem,”Tyler’sdadsaid.“Ifounditallrather…entertaininginanoddkind

of way. I just let him rant until he ran out of energy and then I told him how I saw
everything, which is quite a bit different than how he sees things. He told me you were

livingunderthebridge.”

“He… he what? How the hell did he know where I was or what I was doing?”

Brandonpracticallyyelledwithangerandfear.

“Ihavenoclue,butsomehowheknewyouwerethere.Idon’tknowifsomeonetold

him, if he was asking around, or even if he was sort of stalking you. He never told me.
AndIknowthatthisprobablyscaresyou.Itwouldmetoo.Butyou’reherewithusnow.
You’resafe,oratleastassafeasyoucanbe.

“EarliertodayIhadacompanycomeinandinstallahomesecuritysystemthatwill

monitoreverythingthroughoutthehouse.Itwilltellusanytimeadoorisopened,anytime
awindowisopened.Andwhenthesystemisarmed,shouldanyofthosethingshappen,it
sets off a warning alert and automatically calls the police. There are also now video
camerasoutsideanduphighsothatwecangetgoodviewsofthehouseandtheyardto
seeifanyonewhoshouldn’tbethereisthere.So,Brandon,youarenowsafe.”

“I…I’msorryyouhadtogotoallofthisexpensejustbecauseofmycrazyfather.”

“That’s nothing for you to worry about. I’ve finally figured out what was right in

frontofmetheentiretime.Tyler,Brandon,Ineedtoaskyoubothaquestion,”hesaid.By
the way he looked away, paused, and seemed to have to work up his nerve before
speaking,Brandonknewthatthequestionwasgoingtobeatoughone.“Areyougay?”

Itwasn’tclearwhichofthetwoguyswasmoreshockedbythequestion.Theyboth

werebasicallyspeechless.

Brandon recovered first and answered, raising his head to look directly at the man

whohadaskedhimthequestion.“Yes,sir.Iam.”Hepausedforaminute,thensaid,“Ican
go,sir,”andstartedtostand.

“Sitdown,Brandon.You’renotgoinganywhere.Idon’tcarewhetheryou’regayor

straight or bisexual or anything else. I’ll be honest with you. I don’t understand the gay
thing, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing, despite what some people say. I don’t
knowmuchatallaboutit,somaybeyoucanhelpmelearn,maybeyoucantalkwithme
aboutwhatit’sliketogrowuptobegay.Wouldthatbepossible?”

“Ofcourse,sir.I’dbehappyto.Iguessit’squitedifferentthangrowingupstraight.

I’dbegladtotellyouabouthowIthinkit’sdifferent.”

“Good.I’mgladtohearthat.Thankyou,Brandon.”

Tyler had sat quietly across the table. His father looked at him and said, “Tyler,

you’vebeenreallyquiet.Isthereanythingyouwanttosay?”

“Um….”Hehesitated.

“Tyler, it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re gay or straight,” his mother said,

joiningtheconversationhisfatherhadledupuntilthatpoint.“Whatmatterstousisthat
you be who you are inside, that you be happy, and that you have a good life. So relax,
please. There is no one right answer. It’s okay, son. You can say it. We won’t hate you.
Nothingwillchange.You’llalwaysbeourson,andwe’llalwaysloveyou.Rememberthat
aboveallelse.Youwillalwaysbeoursonandwewillalwaysloveyou.”

ThereweretearsinTyler’seyesasheglancedatBrandonwhonoddedencouragingly.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”hisfatherasked,confused.

“Yes.I’mgay.”

Hisfathernoddedandsaid,“Thankyoubothfortellingus.Ihopethatyoucancome

to believe me when I say that you should be able to come talk to us about anything,
including this. If it’s important to you, I want to hear about it, I want to lend a helping
handwhenIcan.Ican’talwaysdoanything,butjustmaybeIcan.Soplease,Idon’tcare
what,butpleasetrytotalkwithus.Wejustmightsurpriseyouandunderstandmorethan
youthink.”

TheywereallquietforaminutebeforeTyler’sfathersaidonemorething.“Brandon,

Istartedthisconversationwhenyouaskedmewhatyourfatherhadsaidwhenhecalled.I
haven’tforgottenthatyouaskedmethat.Everythingwe’vebeentalkingaboutispartof
myconversationwithhim.

“LikeIsaid,Ihadnoideawhohewaswhenhecalled.Heidentifiedhimself,but I

don’tthinkI’veevermetthemanorspokenwithhimbeforeinmylife.

“Ididn’tneedtoworrybecausehenevergavememuchofachancetosayanything.

Hedidallofthetalking.Areyousureyouwanttohearthis,Brandon?”

“Yes,sir.Ihaveagoodideawhathesaid.I’veknowntheguymywholelife,andI’ve

seenhowheworks.I’dliketohearit,please.”

“Hehadsomeprettynegativethingstosayaboutyou.Icouldnotbelievesomeofthe

thingshesaid.Ihaveneverinmylifeheardafathersaythingslikethatabouthisownson.
Hetoldmeyouweregay,andyes,Icleanedupthelanguage.Hetoldmethatheblamed
Tylerforintroducingyouto‘thatlifestyle.’Heblamedmeforruiningyourshotatbeing
anOlympicathlete.”

“Youhaven’tsaidanythingaboutwhatheblameshimselffor,”Brandonsaidwitha

smile.

“Therewasn’tanything,”Tyler’sdadsaid.

“I’mshocked,”Brandonjoked.

“HeaskedmeifIknewwhatkindofapersonyouwereandtoldmeIshouldwarnall

the people in town that you were an ‘admitted sexual deviant’—his words—and that I
shouldbeonmyguard.Hetoldmehe’dhadacallfromthepolicehereintownabouthis
sonlivingunderabridge.They’daskedhimtocomegetyou,butherefused.”

Brandon felt the words hit him as hard as a fist that had just slammed into his

midsection,knockingtheairfromhislungsandleavinghimreelingandinpain.Hewas
surprisedbyhowhefelthurt.Ithadfeltsogoodwalkingawayfromhisfatheroncehe’d
realizedhowhisdadhadusedhim,buthearingthethingshe’dsaidmadeBrandonangry
andconfused.

“Brandon,Iknowthathiswordshurt.Theymust.AndI’msosorryaboutthat.But

rememberonething—Idon’tknowhim.Idoknowyou.AndItrustyou,andwewantyou

herewithusuntilyouheadofftocollege.Youmightnothaveahomethere,butyoudo
withus.Everyoneneedsahomeanddeprivingsomeoneofthatis,inmymind,oneofthe
mosthorriblecrimesanyonecancommitagainstanotherperson.Idon’twantyousleeping
underthatbridgeoranyotherbridge.Areweinagreementaboutthat?”

“Yes,sir.Amattresswillprobablybealotmorecomfortablethanaconcreteslab.”

“Well,whydon’tyougouptoyourroomandcheckitout.Youlookexhausted.We’ll

seeyouintimeforbreakfastandwe’lldriveyoutowork.Okay?”

“Morethanokay,sir.Thankyou.Really.I’mmoregratefulthanyoucouldknow.”

BothheandTylerstoodtoheadupstairs.

“Oh,boys,onefinalthing.I’msorryaboutthis,butI’dpreferthatyoutwonotsleep

togetherwhilehere.Iknowyouprobablyhaveandmostlikelywillagain.I’mworkingon
it,butI’mhonestlynotquitethatfaralongyet.Sofornow,please,nosexinthehouse.
Okay?”

“Yes,sir,”Brandonagreed.

“Sure,”Tylersaid.“Canwemakeout?Kiss?Stufflikethat?”

“Let me think about that one. For the moment, though, if you’re both in the same

bedroomforanyreason,pleasekeepthedooropen.We’lltalkmoreaboutthistomorrow
afterI’vehadsometimetothinkaboutit.”

Chapter18—Visitors

BRANDONWAS

shockedoneeveningaboutaweeklatertoreturnfromworkatthe

farmstandtofindJoelsittingonthefrontporchofTyler’shouse.Neitheroftheguyshad
seenhimortalkedwithhiminalongtimesobothwerequitehappy.

“Joel!”Brandonyelledasherantowardhim.HegrabbedJoelandliftedhimoffthe

ground,excitementrulingthemoment.

“Don’thurtyourselfthere,bigguy,”Joelsaidwithasmile.WhenBrandonputhim

backdownontheground,JoelquicklyliftedBrandon’sshirttoverifysomething.“Why
haveyoulostsomuchweight?Whatthefuck,dude?”

“It’sgoingbackon,”Brandonsaidsoftly.

“It’strue,”Tylersaid.“Youshouldhaveseenhimacoupleofweeksago.Helooked

likeadeathcampsurvivor.Itwasgruesome.”

“Okay,” Joel said with a scowl. “What the fuck is that all about? You anorexic,

Bran?”

“No,notatall,”hesaid.“Ihaveaveryhealthyappetite.ButIhad…howtodescribe

it…abitofaroughpatchafewweeksago.”

“A rough patch,” Joel parroted back at Brandon. “Okay. I’m afraid you’re going to

havetoexplainthattome.Whatdoyoumeanbya‘roughpatch’?”

“It’salongstory,”Brandonsaid, “and let’s just say that it’s over and I’d rather not

talkaboutitquiteyet.”

JoellookedatTyler,butTylerwasdeferringtoBrandon.

“Allright,”Joelsaid,“butjustknowthatIhaveaverylongmemory.Iwillbringthis

up again at some future date, and I will expect to get an answer from you then. So be
prepared,guys.Gotit?”

“Yes,”Tylersaid.“You’llgetananswerwhenBrandoniscomfortableandready.”

“Idamnedwellbetter,”hesaid.

“Whatbringsyouoverthisway?”Brandonasked.

“Justwantedtocomecheckuponyouandsayhi.Sinceweweregoneforsomany

weeks,Iwantedtoseehowyouweredoingoverhere.”Hepausedforamoment.“AndI
bringnewsfromhome.Somesurprisingnews.”

“Oh?” Brandon asked. “This I’ve got to hear. What’s happening back there that I

couldpossiblycareabout?”

Joel took a deep breath before continuing. He looked at Brandon and said, “Your

brothercamehome.”

“What?”Brandonpracticallyshouted.“What?When?Where?What’shebeendoing?

Howishe?Isheokay?Ishehappy?What’shedoing?”

“Slowdownthere,”Joelsaid.“That’salotofquestions.Oneatatime,please.Yes,

hecameback.”

“Ishelivingbackathome?”Brandonasked.

“Are you kidding me?” Joel said. “Hell no. I said he came back, but he’s no less

angrywithyourdadthanhewaswhenheleft.Hecamehometohaveitoutwiththeman
andfromeverythingIhear,theyhadonehellofanargument.”

“Whowon?”Tylerasked.

“Itwasn’tBrandon’sdad,”Joelsaid.

“Damn,”Brandonsaid.“I’dhavepaidgoodmoneytowatchthatoneplayout.Hell,

I’dpayalotjusttoseeJeremyagainforafewminutes,youknow,makesurehe’sokay.
What’s he been doing since he left? Do you know? Have you seen him? Talked with
him?”

“I’veseenhimandspokenwithhim.He’solderthanmeandwedidn’treallyknow

one another when he was still at home, but it turns out he and my sister went to school
together,andshe’salsoquitefondofBrandon,sosheandhetalkedandshetoldhimthat
heneededtotalktome.Hewasreallyanxioustofindoutifyouwereokay.”

“Hewas?”Brandonsaid,surprised.

“Yes,heis,”JoelcorrectedBrandon.“Areyouwillingtoseehim?Hereallywantsto

seeyou.”

“Of course, yes!” Brandon practically shouted. “Yes, why wouldn’t I want to see

him? I’ve got so many questions for him. There’s so much he wouldn’t ever talk about,
andIhopehehasanswersforme.AndI…Ijust…wanttoknowthathe’sokay.”

“I’mdoingokay.”

Brandonwhippedaroundfastwhenheheardavoicethatwasfamiliarinaway,butat

thesametimenotquite.Hisgazesettledonsomeonehe’dpracticallygivenupeverseeing
again—beforehimstoodnoneotherthanhisolderbrother,Jeremy.

“Jeremy!”Brandonshoutedashethrewhimselfattheman,wrappinghiminahug

that had enough strength to knock most normal people off their feet. Brandon was so
excitedhecouldbarelystringwordstogetheratfirst.Whenhefinallycould,hesaid,“Isit
reallyyou?Isitreallyyou?”

“Yep,it’sreallyme,bro.Liveandintheflesh.”

Brandon held him tightly for nearly two minutes before he could loosen his hold

enough for the two of them to take a half step back and look at one another. It was
definitelyhisbrother.Hewasolder,hewasbigger,andhisskinlookedtannedandmaybe
atouchweathered.

“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Brandonasked.

“I’vebeenallover,butforthelastyear,I’velivedinsouthernLouisiana,workingon

anoffshoreoilrig.It’smiserablework,butthepay’sgood.”

Brandon touched his brother’s arms, acknowledging the new muscles he’d added

sincethey’dlastseeneachother.“You’vefilledout,putonsomemajormuscles.”

“Ithappenswhenyouhaularoundsomeoftheshitwehavetomoveontherig.”

“I…Ican’tbelieveit’sreallyyou.DoyouknowhowmanytimesovertheyearsI’ve

wantedtoknowwhathappened?It’stoohighanumbertocount.”

“Sorry I left you to carry the load of the old man all by yourself. I didn’t think it

wouldbesobadforyou.Whoeverwouldhaveexpectedhimtosellhisbusiness?IknowI
neverconsideredthatapossibility.He’salwaysbeentoomuchofaworkaholicformeto
eventhinkabouthimnothavingsomethingtodowithhimself.

“When I heard what he’d done, how he’d cashed in and ‘retired,’ my first thought

was‘Fuck.’”

“Why?”Brandonasked.

“Because I knew that he would latch on to the closest thing at hand in any way,

shape,orform,andtrytoturnthatintoafull-timeoccupation.Itdidn’tmatterwhatitwas.
I immediately knew it meant trouble. I’m just sorry that it took so long for word of his
crazinesstoreachme.Iunderstanditgotprettybad.”

Brandonlookeddown,suddenlyunabletomeethisbrother’sgaze.

“Yes,”JoelandTylersaidwhenBrandondidnotspeak.

“Itgotprettyunbearable,”Tylersaid.“Idon’tknowhowhestuckitoutaslongashe

did.”

“Hi,youmustbeTyler?”Jeremyaskedwithasmile.

“Yep,that’sme.”Tylersmiledandofferedhishand.

“Joeltoldmealotaboutyou.”

“You can’t trust everything he says,” Tyler joked. “Unless it was good stuff. Then

he’sthebestsourceyoucouldaskfor.”

“It was all good, man. Thanks for being there for my brother when I wasn’t.

Thanks…justforbeinghisfriend.”

“He’smorethanjustmyfriend,”Brandonsaid,suddenlyfeelingabitapprehensive.

When his brother had left home years earlier, Brandon hadn’t been old enough to know
muchaboutsexuality.

“Oh?”

“Yes,he’smyboyfriend.”

“Yourboyfriend?”Jeremyasked,smilingathisbrother.“Whendidthathappen?”

“Whendidwhathappen?Mehavingaboyfriend?Ormebeinggay?”

“Isupposeanyofthosewouldbegood.Goforitasyouseefit.”

“I’vealwaysbeengay,”Brandonsaid,takingadeepbreath.“IknewIwasgaybefore

Iknewwhatanyofitmeant.”

“Good for you, bro,” Jeremy said giving Brandon a quick hug and an encouraging

smile.“Whatmadeyoudecidetocomeoutwhenyoudid?”Jeremyaskedsoftly.

SoBrandonupdatedhisbrotheronwhathe’dmissed.

“Whataboutyou?”Brandonasked.“Isthereanyonespecialinyourlife?”

“Notatthemoment.KindofdifficultwhenyoukeeptheworkscheduleIdo.”

Brandonwantedtoargue,buthedidn’thaveacluehowtogoaboutit.

“Areyou…?”

“AmIwhat,Bran?”hisbrotherasked,lookingabittense.

“Areyouhappy?”Brandonaskedandwaspleasedtoseehisbrothervisiblyrelax.

“For the moment. I’m making good money. I’ve got a life. It’s not the one I want

forever,butI’mnotplanningtoworkthereforever.Butfornowitsuitsme.”

“Whatbroughtyoubackhomenow?”Brandonasked.

“WhenIlearnedwhattheoldmanhadbeenpullingwithyouIhadtocomebackto

checkuponyou.Ihadtomakesureyouweregoingtobeokay.”

“Really?”Brandonasked,stunned.

“Yeah, really. Just because I was gone, that doesn’t mean that I stopped thinking

aboutyoubackhere.ItriedtokeeptabsonyouthroughJoel’ssister.WhenIdidn’tlike
someofthelastfewthingsIwashearing,Iknewitwastimetohaulmybuttbackhere
andseeformyselfwhatwasgoingon.”

“Wow,man.That’sawesome.Thanks.”

“Hey, we’re brothers. And with our family situation the way it is, we’re all we’ve

got.”

“Wow.”Brandonwasquietforamoment.“IheardyousawDad.Why?”

“Ihadtogetsomethingfromhim,”Jeremysaidsimply.“ThinkyouandIcouldtakea

walk?Ineedtotellyousomething.”

“Sure,”Brandonagreed,givingJoelandTyleraworriedlook.

“Doyouwantustofollowalong?”Tylerasked.

“No,” Jeremy said. “Why don’t you all wait here? We’ll be back in a little while.

We’vegotsomestufftotalkover.”

BrandoncouldseeTyler’sreluctanceforwhichhewasquietlygrateful.GivingTyler

a smile to try to tell him to relax, Brandon walked down the driveway with his brother.
ThetwowerequicklyoutofsightofTyler’shouse.

Theywalkedforperhapstwoorthreeminuteswithouteitherbrothersayingaword.

FinallyJeremysaid,“Youprobablydon’trememberthis,butwhenourgrandfatherdiedhe
leftmoneyforbothofus,youandme,thatwasplacedinatrustuntilwereachedeighteen.

Iwasgonebythetimeminematured,andyou’vejustturnedeighteen,sobothofusare
entitledtoourinheritancenow.”

“Ineverknewtherewasanymoney.Heneversaidawordtomeaboutmoney.”

“And in your case, there’s more because I heard he wouldn’t give you any of your

eventearnings.”

“Howdidyou—”

“I’vekeptupwiththings.Ihavemysources.”

“Well,it’strue.Wehadonehellofafightaboutit.Iaskedhimformymoneyandhe

toldmemyexpensesuseditallup.Ikindofaccusedhimofstealingmymoney,andhe
didn’tlikethat.”

“Ican’timagine that he would. He’s such a fucking cheapskate. Do you know how

muchmoneyheclearedafterthesaleofhiscompany?”

“Notaclue.He’dnevertalkaboutanythinglikethat.”

“Closetoeightmilliondollars.”

“Eight…million…dollars?Areyouserious?”

“Iam.Andthat’safteralltheexpenseswerepaidforlawyersandallthatstuff.SoI

remindedhimthathe’dpromisedusboththathewasgoingtosendustocollege.Itmay
betoolateforme,butthetimingisperfectforyou.”

“No—”

“Letmefinish,”Jeremysaid.“Youarejustabouttostartcollege—”

“NotifIcan’tpayforit.”

“Well,that’swhereIcomein.”JeremyhandedBrandonanenvelope.

“What’sthis?”Brandonasked,flippingtheenvelopeoveracoupleoftimes.

“Openitandfindout,”Jeremyinstructed.

Brandon tore into the envelope, pulled out its contents and examined it, his eyes

goingaswideashumanlypossible.

“Holyfuck!”hewhispered.

“Youaregoingtocollege,”Jeremysaidemphatically.

“Holyfuck,”Brandonrepeated.“Thiscan’tbereal.”Heflippedthecheckoverand

lookedatthebackside,beforeflippingitbackovertorereadthefront.“Thiscan’tbereal.
Thishastobeatrick.He’dnever…he’dneverdothis.No.Thisisatrick.Ithastobe.”

“No,it’sreal.Thatcheckistocoverthecostofyourcollegeeducation.Andanything

leftafterwardisyourstodowithasyouwishtogetyourselfestablishedinlife.Butyou
needtogotocollege.”

“No.We’rebothgoingtocollege.Halfofthisisyours.”

“No.I’mnotthererightnow.Hell,Imayneverbe.Idon’tknow.Ididn’t expect to

everhaveitasanoption.Imay.Imaynot.Idon’tknowwhatthefutureholdsforme.”

“Thenhalfofthismoneygoesintoreserveforyou.”

“No,”Jeremysaidshakinghishead.

“Yes,”Brandonpracticallyyelledathisbrother.

“No.Thatcheckisyours.It’sforyouandyoureducation.Igotaseparatecheckfrom

himtocovercollegecostsformeifIdecidetogo.Ihonestlydon’tknowifIcangoback
andbeastudent.Ithasn’tbeenthatmanyyears,butIdon’tknowifIcoulddothewhole
student thing again or not. And besides, you were always the smart one. I was never as
smartasyou,sogettingyouintocollegeisfarmoreimportantthanitisforme.”

“Youcandoit.”

“Idon’tknow.I’mnotmakinganydecisiononewayortheotherrightnow.I’mnot

rulinganythinginorout.Ionlyjustgotthisworkedoutwithhimlastnight,soIhaven’t
hadlongenoughforthistosinkinandberealyet.”

“How… how in the world… how did you ever get him to part with money? He

valuedmoneymorethanhedidanythingelse.Hecertainlyneverspentanyonanyonebut
himself.”

“Itwasn’teasy.Ittookalittlefancyfootworkonmypart.Acoupleofthreatstoo,but

thosearesecret.”

“Tellme,”Brandonasked,intrigued.

“Theywouldn’tbesecretanymoreifIwentaroundtellingpeople,nowwouldthey?”

“No!”Brandontoldhisbrotherwithasmilethatthreatenedtosplithisfaceintwo.

“Tellyouwhat,”Jeremysaid.“Ifyou’restillinterestedin,let’ssayinfiveyears,I’ll

tellyou.”

“Hasitbeenfiveyearsyet?”Brandonlaughed.

“Idon’tknow.Where’sthatcollegediplomaofyours?”Jeremyteased.

TheyheadedbacktowardTyler’shouse,Brandonworkinghardtoprocesswhathis

brotherhadtoldhimandsomeoftheroadblockstohisfutureJeremyhadsimplybrushed
asidewithoutbreakingasweat.

“Nowthatwe’vegottheeasypartdonewith,”Jeremysaid.

“Wait. That was the easy part? Do I need to sit down? I’m not sure I can handle

anythingmoreshockingandlifealteringthanthecontentsofthisenvelope.”

“Youcanhandleit.”

Brandonstoppedwalking,turnedtofacehisbrotherandsaid,“Okay,hitmewithit.

Let’sgetthetoughstuffstarted.”

“TellmeaboutTyler.”

“Ithoughtyousaidthiswasgoingtobetough.”

“Itismoreimportantthananythingwe’vetalkedaboutsofar.Iwanttoknowabout

him.Iwantyoutotellmehowyoumet.Iwantyoutotellmeeverything.Iwanttoknow
ifhetreatsyouright.Ifhedoesn’t,IneedtoknowsoIcantalktohimandcorrectthat
problemrightnow.”

“No, he treats me great. He…. I love him.” Brandon and Jeremy walked slowly as

Brandonsharedhisstorywithhisbrother.Heomittednothing,likeallthedetailsaboutthe
Saturdays Tyler and Joel gave up to help him do never-ending lists of chores from their
fatherandhavesometimetogether.HetoldJeremyabouthowitdrovetheirfathernutsto
have Joel whisk them away after the chores were finished so that they could have some
timetogetherbythemselvesatJoel’shouse.

JeremywasfuriouswhenheheardthepartaboutBrandonhavingtoliveforweeks

under a bridge. Brandon was terribly worried when his brother got so angry his face
turnedred.ItwasascarierthoughtwhenhetoldJeremyabouttheflashfloodandhisface
wentfromredandfurioustopalewhiteandshaky.

Withnowarning,JeremypulledBrandonintoahugandheldhimtightfornearlya

fullminute.“Thankgoodnessyou’reokay.Ifanythinghad—”

“Nothingdid.Imadeittosafety.It’sover.It’sdone.It’shistory.”

“Itmightbehistory,butthathistoryispartofyounow.You’llneverberidofthat.It

ispartofwhoyouarenow.”

“AndIliketothinkI’mstrongerbecauseofgoingthroughthatnightmare.”

“If I’d known all of this before I met with the old man, I would have demanded

doublethemoneyIgotforyoubecauseheowesyou.”

“Notanymore.He’sirrelevanttomenow.”

Resumingtheirwalkbacktowardthehouse,Brandonasked,“DoesJoelknowabout

themoney?”

“No.Ihaven’ttoldanyone.”

“We’d better pick up the pace,” Brandon said, “since they’re probably back there

thinkingtheworst.”

“Likewhat?”Jeremyaskedwithalaugh.

“Likeyoudon’tapproveofmebeinggayandyou’retryingtotalkmeoutofit.”

“Hell,no.Iwouldn’t…Icouldn’t.Andbesides,Joel’ssisteristheonewhocluedme

in to this whole thing. She and I have known each other forever. And one thing I’ve
learned is that there is no way I’m pissing her off. I mean, really, have you met the
woman?She’sfiercelyprotective.ItookheralongwhenIwenttomeetwiththeoldman.
Shewaslikeapitbullheldbackbyathinleatherleashthatwasseriouslyfrayed.Iwasa
littlescared,andIknewshewasonmyside.Hewasjustplainsweatingbulletswiththe
glaresshesenthisway.Shelookedlikeshewantedtobreakfreeandbitehiminhalffor
causingpaintooneofherfamily.AndIthinkshewouldhaveifI’daskedherto.”

“I’llhavetokeepthatinmind.Idon’tknowheratall.”

“She’sagoodpersontohaveonyourside.Andshe’sjustagoodpersontoo.Ilike

hergirlfriendaswell.”

“Ididn’tknowshehadagirlfriend,”Brandonsaid.

“Yep.Idon’tknowwhereshe’sfromoriginally.”

Asthehousecameintoviewagain,thefirstthingBrandonsawwasJoelsittingback

againsthiscarandTylerpacingbackandforthinfrontofhim,lookingworried.

“Itlookslikesomeoneisabitanxious,”JeremywhisperedtoBrandon.“Poorguy.”

“Let’sgotellhimhedoesn’tneedtoworry.”

“Iagree,”Jeremysaid.

Chapter19—ANewLife

THATNIGHT

Brandonsleptbetterthanhe’dexpected.Hewassoexcitedhisbrother

was back. After years of wondering and worrying about what had happened to Jeremy,
Brandon finally had answers. The next morning Jeremy returned to take Brandon out to
breakfastandtospendthedaywithhim.

“Areyouhometostaynow?”Brandonaskedhisbrother.

“No.Thisplaceisn’thomeformeanymore.”

“Soyou’ll…you’llbegoingback?”

“Yep.Ihaveajob.It’stoughwork,butitsgoodwork.Ilikemycoworkers.They’rea

great bunch of guys. And I’m making good money. Living expenses are cheap since I
spendsomuchofmytimeontherigswherethecompanypaysforeverything.”

“Sowhendoyouhavetoleave?”

“Iheadbacktomorrow,”Jeremysaidafterhesitatingforamoment.

Brandon nodded in acknowledgment but said nothing at first. When he spoke, he

didn’t hold anything back. “I hate the thought of you leaving,” he said suddenly,
surprisinglyclosetotears.Hecouldn’tquiteunderstandwhyhefeltsoupset.

“I’m sorry, but I have to. We’re not going to lose track of one another this time.”

Handing Brandon a piece of paper, he added, “There is my cell phone number, my
address,suchasitis,andthenameandnumberofthecompanyIworkfor.Oh,andIput
myemailaddressonthere,butgettingemailscanbetrickysometimes.”

Breathingahugesighofrelief,Brandonsmiledathisbrother.“Thanks.Thishelps.A

lot.” He pulled a piece of paper from his wallet and wrote out all of his contact
information,whichhehandedovertoJeremy.

“Now promise me that you’re going to go off to college in a few weeks. They’re

expectingyou.YouandTyleraregoingtosharearoomoncampus.You’vegotthemoney
topayforitnow.AndwithoutDadhoundingyoueverystepoftheway,youcanswimif
youwantornot.Thechoiceisyours.”

“Ilovethewater.Ifeelathomethere.”

“I’veheardfromseveralpeoplethatyou’reareallypowerfulswimmertoo.”

“Idookay,”Brandonacknowledgedabitshyly.

When Jeremy dropped Brandon off at Tyler’s house that evening, Tyler’s parents

invitedhimtojointhemfordinnerbeforeheheadedbacktowherehewasstayingwith
Joel’ssister.

Brandonfeltabitcomfortedandconflictedduringthatdinner.Usuallyhewasmost

awareofTyler’spresence,butthatnighthisattentionwassplitintwo,partonTylerbut
moreonJeremy.Hewantedthembothtobepartofhislifeandrelishedthebriefmoment
whenhehadjustthat.

“IhopenottoomanypeopleintownknewBrandonwaslivingunderthebridgeall

thoseweeks,”JeremysaidtoTyler’sfatherwhentherewasalullinconversation.

“Oh,everyoneknew,”Tyler’sdadsaid.

“Excuseme?”Jeremysaid,shocked.

“Jeremy,everyoneknowseverythingabouteveryoneelseinasmalltown.Oncewe

gotbackhome,inthedaysrightafterthatIhadalotoffolksaroundtowntellmehewas
there. They all knew he’d been staying with us, so they wanted me to know about what
wasgoingon.”

“AndIthoughtIwasbeingsocareful,”Brandonsaid,shakinghishead.

“That’s the way things work in a place like this. I’ve always suspected it’s because

thereisn’tmuchelsetodobutwatchwhateveryoneelseisdoing.”

“Ihaven’tlivedinaplacethissizeinyears,”Jeremyadmitted.“SoI’veforgottena

lotofhowitworks.Iftheyallknew,whydoyouthinktheydidn’toffertohelphim?”

“That’sanotherpartoflifeinruralAmerica—youdon’tgetinvolvedinsomeother

family’sdrama.”

“Butthey’lltalkaboutit,”Jeremysaidwithasadshakeofhishead.

“Ofcourse,”Tyler’sdadsaid,joininghiminlaughingaboutsmall-townlife.

FORTHE

remainderofthatsummer,sixdaysaweek,BrandonandTylerworkedfull-

timeatthefarmstand.AfterworkTylerdrovethemhome,andBrandonhelpedoutaround
thehousewhereverheandTylercouldbeuseful.Togethertheymowedtheyard…well,
BrandonmowedsincehequicklylearnedthatTylerhatedtomow.Washingcarsprovedto
bethenextmostentertainingthing,oratleastBrandonthoughtsowhenhehadthehosein
hand,notsomuchwhenTylerhadit.Still,withtheheatofthesummer,itwasarelieffor
bothofthem.Paintingthelivingroomwashotwork.

Eventhoughtheyendeduplaughingandgettingmorepaintoneachotherthanthey

didonthewallontheirfirstattempt.BrandonwasconcernedTyler’sdadwasgoingtobe
upsetwiththemwhenhesawwhatthey’dbeendoing,butwaspleasantlysurprisedtosee
Tyler’s dad burst out laughing when he walked into the room they had been painting, at
leasttheoretically.

TylerandBrandonswameveryotherdayinthepoolwhereTyler’steamhadtrained.

Ittookabitofworktogetbacktowherehe’dbeenearlier,butBrandongotthere.

BrandonwasembarrassedwhenTylerbroughtupanuncomfortablesubjectonenight

overdinner.Infact,henearlychokedwhenheheardwhatTylerwasasking.

“So,aboutthiswholenotsleepingtogetherthing,”Tylerstarted.

Brandonwantedtohithim.Helovedhimandadoredbeingnakedwithhim,butright

atthatparticularmomentintime,allBrandonwantedtodowastosmacksomecommon
senseintohim.

“I know that you’ve probably already been together… sexually,” Tyler’s dad said,

obviouslyuncomfortableatdiscussingthetopicwithhisson.

“We have,” Tyler said very matter-of-factly. Tyler appeared to be completely

comfortablewiththetopic,butBrandonfelthimselfblushsevenshadesofred.Hewanted
toslipdownoutofhischairanddisappearintoabigholethathepulledinafterhimself.
Buthecouldn’tdothat.“It’snotlikeit’ssomethingwehaven’talreadydone—we’renot
virgins—sowhycan’twecontinuetodowhatwe’vedonemanytimes?”

“Tyler,you’remysonandit’shardformetothinkofyouasanadult.”

“What about when we get breaks from school and come back here?” Tyler asked.

Brandon wished he could kick Tyler and tell him to let it go, but the angle wouldn’t let
him.

“I…Iguessthingswillbedifferentthen.You’llbecomingbacktousas…Iguessas

men.Butfornow,untilyougoaway,you’restill,forjustalittlewhilelonger,boys.”

“Idon’tcarehowoldapersonis,”Brandonsaid.“I’mguessingthattotheirparents

theyarestilltheirlittleboyorlittlegirl,andjustaswewouldn’twanttohearourparents
going at it hot and heavy, they don’t want to hear us going at it. If nothing else, it’s a
simplematterofrespect.Sostoparguing.Yourfather’sruleisnotunreasonable.”

Tyler’s mom and dad had sat quietly watching and listening to the entire exchange

betweenTylerandBrandon.

“Whyareyoulaughing?”Tyleraskedhisdadwhenhenoticedthemanwasamused

bysomething.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’m just so delighted that you found someone as wonderful as

Brandon.Whoknows,maybehe’llbeableto—”

“Maybehe’llbeabletowhat?”Tylerasked,soundingirritated.

“Nothing,”hisdadsaid.

“Webelieveyou’vefoundagoodmaninBrandon,”hismothertriedtofillinforhis

father.“Wecouldn’tpossiblybehappierinyourselectionofaboyfriend,dear.”

Brandonwasworried that Tyler would be upset, so he was pleased to look at Tyler

andseehimsmiling.

“Theythinkyou’reagoodinfluenceonme,”Tylerwhisperedtohimloudlyenough

sothateveryonecouldeasilyhearhim.“EventhoughI’maprettygoodguyalready.”

“That’swhatIthink,”Brandonsmiledbackathim.

Tyler looked amused but quickly stopped and said, “Hey, wait. About which part?

Youinfluencingme,ormebeingagoodguy?”

“Yes,”Brandonsaid,meetingTyler’sgrinwithhisown.

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courses.AtleastMarkis,butwhenBill’sactingcareertakesoff,Billleavescollege—and
Mark—behind to film around the world. Learning to live together was hard—being the
boyfriend of a budding superstar is almost inconceivable. Though it’s a struggle to stay
relevanttoeachotherwhentheyliveindifferentworlds,MarkiscommittedtoBilland
theirrelationship.

WhenMarkgetsanunexpectedlongweekend,hedecidestosurpriseBillonlocation

inMaui.Afterall,it’sMark’sbirthday,andhewantstospenditwithhislover.Butinthe
end, Mark is the one who’s surprised when he finds Bill in bed with his costar. The
combination of fame, fortune, and infidelity seems to spell the end for Bill and Mark—
until a personal tragedy drags them back to New York, where it all began, and reminds
themwhatreallymatters.

ReadersloveCaughtbyRobbieMichaels

“IthinkRobbieMichaelsdidareallygoodjobwiththisbook,andIcan’twaitforthenext
one.”

—TheNovelApproach

“IabsolutelylovedCaught…”

—PrismBookAlliance

“Ifyoulikeyoungadult,comingofage,firstloves,familydrama,sweetrelationships,and
arelativelycleanbutsexystorythisisforyou.”

—MMGoodBookReviews

ROBBIEMICHAELS

grewupinruralupstateNewYork,thesamesettingasthe

beginningofTheMostPopularGuytrilogy,andnowtheCaughtseries.Itwasnotalways
easygrowingupinatinytownthinkinghewastheonlypersonwhofeltandthoughtwhat
hewasexperiencing.Hefeltlikeastrangerinaverystrangelandformostofthoseyears,
alwayshavingtoactapart,playarole,untilhelatermetothergayfolksandfoundout
thathewasnotalone.Hewasteasedandbulliedwhenotherssuspectedthathemightbe
gay. His name is still carved in stone back there with the words “Is a Fag” chiseled in
beneathit.Butthatwasthen,andthisisnow.Nowhewritesstoriesabouttheunderdog
coming out on top, stories about the kids that don’t fit into cookie cutter molds of what
othersexpect,andstoriesofhopeandpromise.

HesurvivedthosedaysbackinruralNewYork,andfoundthatlifedoesgetbetter,

even though at the time it sure didn’t seem possible. He wants first and foremost to tell
others to hang on and to have hope for a better tomorrow. Grapple onto hope and don’t
ever let go of it. Life is a wonderful, marvelous thing to be embraced and celebrated.
Don’tevergiveup.Youaretheonlyyouthereis,andyouarenotalone.Therearemany,
many,manyotherslikeyououtthereandsomedayyouwillmeetthemandtogetheryou
willchangetheworldinawonderful,positiveway.

Website:www.robbiemichaels.com

ByRobbieMichaels

SwimmingtoFreedom

CAUGHTINTHEACT

Caught

CaughtintheMiddle

THEMOSTPOPULARGUYINTHESCHOOL

Don’tJudgeaBookbyItsCover

GoWest,YoungMan

AStarIsBorn

Publishedby

HARMONYINKPRESS

www.harmonyinkpress.com

Publishedby

HARMONYINKPRESS

5032CapitalCircleSW,Suite2,PMB#279,Tallahassee,FL32305-7886USA

publisher@harmonyinkpress.com

•

harmonyinkpress.com

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentseitheraretheproductof
authorimaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,living
ordead,businessestablishments,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

SwimmingtoFreedom

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Covercontentisforillustrativepurposesonlyandanypersondepictedonthecoverisa
model.

All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or
distributionviaanymeansisillegalandaviolationofinternationalcopyrightlaw,subject
to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook
format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,
withoutthewrittenpermissionofthePublisher,exceptwherepermittedbylaw.Torequest
permission and all other inquiries, contact Harmony Ink Press, 5032 Capital Circle SW,
Suite

PMB#

279,

Tallahassee,

32305-7886,

USA,

publisher@harmonyinkpress.com.

ISBN:978-1-63533-779-2

DigitalISBN:978-1-63533-780-8

LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2017904712

PublishedNovember2017

v.1.0

PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica

Document Outline

Table of Contents
Blurb
Dedication
Chapter 1—It Was a Cold and Stormy Morning
Chapter 2—Practice, Practice, Practice
Chapter 3—The Calm before the Storm
Chapter 4—Interrogation
Chapter 5—What Other Teens Do
Chapter 6—A Meet of a Different Sort
Chapter 7—He’s Back
Chapter 8—Competition
Chapter 9—That’s What Friends Are For
Chapter 10—English Assignment
Chapter 11—For Want of a Telephone
Chapter 12—While the Cat’s Away
Chapter 13—Revelations
Chapter 14—Enough
Chapter 15—All Good Things Must Come to an End
Chapter 16—The Boy under the Bridge
Chapter 17—A Visitor
Chapter 18—Visitors
Chapter 19—A New Life
More from Robbie Michaels
Readers love Caught by Robbie Michaels
About the Author
By Robbie Michaels
Visit Harmony Ink Press
Copyright

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