Christiane France Anything You Can Do

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…I focused on the shadowy image by the fire. It appeared to be a

man about the same size and height as me.

My resolve to mind my business weakened. Commonsense said

not to get involved, but… I know what it’s like to lose your job and
the difficulties of finding another. My severance package had been
more than I’d expected, but it wouldn’t have kept me going
indefinitely. If it wasn’t for The Bayview and the opportunity my
parents handed me to restore the resort to its former glory, I, too, could
be sitting around with my thumb up my ass. I could be living on the
street by now and spending my nights in abandoned or burned-out
buildings.

I started across the strip of beach that separated the cottages from

the Hanes’ place. If I got told to fuck off, so be it.

“Hey, there,” I called out. If the guy wanted to run, this was his

chance. “Everything okay? I know it’s none of my business, but this
doesn’t strike me as the best night for a barbeque.”

The man held his ground. “You’re right, it’s not; it’s—” He took a

sudden step toward me and then hesitated. “Oh, shit! Devon Lister as I
live and breathe. I don’t believe this. I thought you were living the
high life in New York. If I’d known you were here…”

I stopped abruptly and stared in shock, while a dozen different

emotions rushed through my body and fought for supremacy in my
head.

It couldn’t be. It just wasn’t possible.
I’d expected to find some down-and-out stranger, a rebellious kid,

a runaway, or anyone other than the person I’d been thinking about
less than a moment ago. But that’s who it was. The drop dead
gorgeous, dark-haired, dark-eyed Julian Hanes, my boyhood nemesis
in the flesh…

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A

LSO

B

Y

C

HRISTIANE

F

RANCE

And The Cat Came Back

Blues In The Night
Chance Encounter

The Club At Cool Harbor

The Cop And The Drifter

Crossing The Line

French Twist

The Gallery On Main Street

I’m Sorry

The Impossible Dream

Independence Day I & II

It Happened In Las Vegas

Les Hommes, Vols. 1 & II

Love Matters

Missing Presumed Dead

Oh, George

On Days Like These

Once Upon A Secret

Reincarnation

Some Place Only We Know

Strangers In The Night

A Taste Of Honey

This Time For Keeps

Wishing On The Moon

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ANYTHING

YOU CAN DO


BY

CHRISTIANE FRANCE




A

MBER

Q

UILL

P

RESS

,

LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

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A

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OOK

This book is a work of fiction.

All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the

author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously.

Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales,

or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC

http://www.AmberQuill.com

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or

reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in

writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief

excerpts used for the purposes of review.

Copyright © 2012 by Christiane France

ISBN 978-1-61124-297-3

Cover Art © 2012 Trace Edward Zaber





PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

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For Roy and The Boys.




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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

1

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

“Back in a flash,” I told Petey, the night clerk, hoping that’s all

it would take, as I zipped my fleece-lined winter jacket and opened
the main door of The Bayview Beach Resort Motel. A gust of wind
sent an empty soda can clattering its way across the empty parking
lot, emphasizing the fact it was almost midnight. The restaurant
had closed hours ago and, except for Petey and a skeleton staff to
cover housekeeping and maintenance, all the other employees were
long gone. The only sign the resort wasn’t completely deserted
were the lights in some of the rooms and the occupants’ vehicles
parked in the adjacent slots.

Leaving the cozy warmth of the office, I braced myself against

the biting cold and stepped outside.

It had been one of those dark, gloomy October days, the kind

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that make it clear summer is over and the first snowfall just around
the corner. I glanced up at the sky. The temperature was down
around the freezing point and if there were a moon and stars, they
were hidden away somewhere high above the clouds.

I turned toward the lake. The icy wind blowing off the water

brought the first taste of winter, buffeting my body and assaulting
the exposed skin of my face and hands like razor blades. I shivered
and stepped back into the shelter of a doorway to put on gloves and
pull up the hood of my jacket. These late night checks to ensure
everything was locked up tight were a necessary pain in the ass in
this lousy economy, but if I got a move on, it wouldn’t take me
long.

Keeping my head down, I left the main building and headed

toward the dozen or so two-bedroom rental cottages strung at
intervals along the beach. With summer just a memory, the pipes
had been drained and the doors and windows boarded over. At one
time, that would have been enough to keep them secure until
spring. These days, with kids and vagrants always on the prowl for
a quiet spot where they wouldn’t be disturbed, I couldn’t assume a
sturdy lock and a few strips of two-by-four lumber would keep
them out. It was easier for me to brave the cold and keep a close
check than go to the bother of throwing intruders out and picking
up the costs of the damage they’d caused getting in.

I checked each unit in turn. Operating the resort was a twenty-

four-seven proposition that left me with almost no time for a life of
my own. It wasn’t the future I’d envisioned for myself, but shit
happens and I’d managed to hit the mother lode in that department.
My parents had owned and operated The Bayview for years, until
my dad’s gradually worsening heart condition and my mom’s
arthritis made it too much for them to handle. Around the same

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time they made the decision to find a manager and retire, I lost my
job on Wall Street.

I’d been unable to find a job even close to the one I’d had

before it disappeared in a corporate merger, so when they
suggested my taking over The Bayview, it appeared to be the
perfect answer. Dad had put away enough money for them to enjoy
their retirement years in comfort, and that meant The Bayview, or
the money resulting from a sale if that’s what I preferred, was my
inheritance.

I’d known up front that anything in the way of normal

maintenance had been neglected due to my parents’ failing health.
There was a whole laundry list of small stuff that either needed
painting or fixing. But I had ambition, energy, and a more than fair
severance package, so what better place to invest it than in what I
now saw as my future? With jobs disappearing, money being tight,
and everyone looking to spend less on their vacations, I figured if I
worked hard, I could turn The Bayview into the number one go-to
place for miles around.

I also knew that if I wanted to keep the regulars coming back

and attract new business as well, I had to show good faith by
getting the resort back up to par and running smoothly ASAP. I
just hadn’t bargained on the extent of what needed doing or the
expense involved. By the time I’d finished the most urgent of the
repairs, turned six of the rooms into efficiency or housekeeping
units, and bought a few items of desperately needed new
equipment for the restaurant kitchen, a good chunk of my
severance money was gone. Including the money I’d earmarked for
giving the cottages an overdue facelift in time for next season.

Money was a little tight right now, but it wasn’t a problem. I

had enough in reserve to cover emergencies and I had my own

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personal savings. What I didn’t have was the money to do
everything at once the way I’d hoped.

I rubbed a gloved fingertip over a couple of spots of sun-

blistered paint to the side of one of the cottage windows. I could
have taken out a loan. The bank had offered me a very favorable
rate when they heard my plans to update and modernize, but I’d
said no. I’d spent too much time in the world of high finance not to
be aware of the very real dangers of borrowing—such as the false
sense of security that comes with the money and the knowledge of
what will happen if anything goes wrong.

It wasn’t all bad. The most urgent items on my list had been

taken care of and everything else would be done as business
improved and money became available. The best I could do for the
cottages was slap on some paint and hope that sufficed for now.
The real facelift would come later. But rather than the boring beige
and green combination they’d been for as long as I could
remember, I was planning to spruce them up with a brand new
look. Before next summer, the exteriors would be white with dark
blue trim and red doors. And instead of different pastel colors in
each of the room, they’d all be redone in what I thought of as a
creamy off-white, but the sales clerk insisted on calling magnolia.

I’d bought the paint on sale several weeks ago. And, starting

tomorrow, I planned to work on the outsides as long as the weather
stayed dry. On days when it rained or the temperature dipped too
low, I’d move inside.

It would have been nice to have a partner to share some of the

work, but for now I was flying solo. My live-in boyfriend for the
past year had managed to hang on to his position when the merger
was complete. With jobs that paid well almost impossible to find,
he’d opted to remain in New York, and that was okay by me. Our

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affair had been over for weeks, and while losing my job had been
difficult, it had given me a legitimate reason to end things with no
hard feelings.

A board over one of the cottage doors looked to be coming

loose and I checked for signs of tampering. Finding nothing but a
misplaced nail, I made a mental note to bring a hammer with me
next time and moved on to the next cottage.

My original plan was to hire temporary help to assist with the

painting and minor repairs, but that was something else that hadn’t
worked out quite the way I’d hoped. I’d taken over the business
knowing the motel and restaurant were pretty much self-
supporting, and the rental cottages provided extra money during
the summer months. What I hadn’t realized, due in part to the
resort’s rundown appearance and the current craze for expensive
cruises and vacations in exotic locations, business had declined to
less than half what it had once been. After taking an in-depth look
at net income for the last couple of years and estimating the cost to
keep things running through the coming winter, I’d decided it
made good sense not to pay anyone to do anything I could do
myself for free.

The good news was that business had started to pick up. Late

October and already my idea to use the restaurant for family
holiday parties and a special New Year’s Eve dinner and overnight
package had brought in a flood of inquiries and more than a dozen
reservations. If they were successful, I could do something similar
for Valentine’s Day. And if it all worked out the way I was hoping,
by the time the resort reopened for the summer season…

I told myself to slow down. Looking on the bright side was

allowed, but counting my chickens this soon could be a recipe for
disappointment. Updating the resort the way I had in mind would

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take time, patience, and more extra money than I could realize with
a few parties and special weekend packages. For now I had to
exercise patience.

I finished checking the last of the cottages and was about to go

back to the motel and fix something hot to drink, when a light at
the Hanes’ place a little farther down the beach snagged my
attention.

The house had been sitting empty since the old man died,

presumably waiting for the new owner to decide what to do with it.
That was until someone lit a match and all that remained now was
little more than a burned-out shell. The walls were still standing
and, by some miracle, the roof hadn’t been too badly damaged. But
the rest of it was a mess. The doors hung from their hinges, the
windows were devoid of glass, and most of the contents had been
fried beyond recognition, or more likely stolen before the blaze
took hold.

If whoever was over there now was looking for a free night’s

lodging, then all I could do was wish them luck.

I hesitated as the flickering light continued to waver back and

forth. There was precious little left apart from a pile of ashes and
rubble, so I saw no point in calling the cops. On the other hand, a
few strips of police tape wouldn’t keep kids from getting in, and
burned-out buildings could be dangerous playgrounds. If one of
them got hurt, the owner of the property could get sued and maybe
fined for failing to post warning notices or whatever one was
supposed to do in the circumstances.

Except I knew the owner was now the old man’s sole surviving

relative, his grandson, Julian. And the last I heard, Julian was
living thousands of miles away on the other side of the country.

If I’d been in Julian’s position, with no other family here in

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Bayview, I’d have put the property up for sale and saved myself
the bother of paying taxes and finding someone to keep an eye on
the place. That was assuming good old Julian knew his grandfather
was gone. When he’d failed to show up for the funeral, my parents
figured either he was too busy with his new life or the old man’s
lawyer couldn’t find him.

I hadn’t thought about Julian Hanes in years—
Liar!
I sighed and stubbed the toe of my sneaker against something

half-buried in the sand. I hated admitting it, but truth was I’d never
stopped thinking about Julian for more than a few days at a time, a
week max. It didn’t take much—the mention of a half-forgotten
name or an old memory coming to the surface—for me to start
wondering how he was doing. If he was okay, if he’d realized his
dreams and made it big in the entertainment biz. If he had, then
he’d drastically altered his appearance and done it under another
name. As an inveterate moviegoer and TV buff, I’d checked
enough times to be sure of that.

Maybe he’d tried but failed, and that’s why he’d never come

back home, even for a short visit. If so, I understood. Dreams are
wonderful things when you’re a kid. The sky’s the limit, nothing is
impossible, and failure is just a word. But despite all that, I’d
bombed out and maybe Julian had, too.

We’d grown up together on the same block here in Bayview.

We’d attended the same schools and we’d been fierce competitors
in everything from coming out top of the class, to making it big in
sports, to whatever else we’d undertaken. My ultimate goal had
centered on becoming a big man on Wall Street; Julian had
dreamed of taking the entertainment world by storm. The
competition between us had been wicked, bordering on cutthroat.

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We’d professed to hate one another and even got physical on a few
occasions.

We’d done everything possible to irritate and annoy each other.

We’d bragged about every little accomplishment within the other’s
hearing, bad-mouthed one another at every opportunity, and got
ourselves suspended from school not once, but twice. When I
thought back now to some of the stunts we pulled in that never-
ending game of “anything you can do, I can do better…” Hell, we
were damn lucky not to have been expelled.

A couple of times we agreed to stop behaving like jerks and try

to be friends. Like the time we were supposed to walk home
together from school and I was late leaving my biology class.
Everyone had gone including Julian, or so I thought…until I
opened my locker to get my stuff and he jumped out. The next
thing I knew, we were down on the floor, kicking and punching
one another like a couple of crazies. God only knows why or
where it would have ended if one the cleaning staff hadn’t shown
up and put an end to it by threatening to call the cops.

And when I got home, I locked my bedroom door and had

myself one helluva great DIY party.

In spite of the wind and sub-zero temperature, a surge of

emotion heated my blood and settled between my legs. The
incident had happened years ago, yet I’d never forgotten it.
Probably because the one thing I remembered most about Julian
was how much I’d wanted him physically. But like our attempts at
friendship, it never happened.

I’d long since figured out that the real reason, at least on my

side, for the alleged dislike, the fighting, and all the other
nonsense, had been a cover for my emotions. I’d wanted Julian in
every way possible. I’d wanted to see him naked, to hold him in

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my arms and to lick and stroke his entire body. As we got older,
I’d wanted to feel the roughness of his unshaven face against my
skin. And I’d been desperate to slide my cock up his ass and feel
him tremble with excitement. Most of all, I’d just wanted to kneel
down and take his cock in my mouth and taste his essence.

A strong shiver shook my body that had nothing to do with the

cold.

I knew damn well Julian had felt the exact same way about me.

I’d seen it in his face and in the way he used to attack me
physically for no reason, like he had to touch me and it was the
only way he could do it. If we’d been older, we’d have handled it.
As teenagers, our prime concern had been to deny who we were
and avoid the embarrassment of being tagged as gay. If we could
have found a way to step back and get past all that…

If, if, if…it was the story of my life right through high school.

I’ve known I was gay since the time I was first able to string a
sentence together. I think Julian knew he was, too, but he just
couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it.

A match flared at the back of the house. A second later, flames

shot up from the rusty old charcoal grill I recalled seeing by the
back porch. What was left of the house might afford shelter from a
sudden shower, but that was about all. The fire wouldn’t provide
lasting warmth and if whoever was there planned on spending the
night, they’d be frozen stiff come morning.

Not that it was any of my business. I knew many people who

lived rough did so from choice. Rather than accept the
responsibilities involved in finding a job and raising a family, they
preferred the dangers and privations of life on the road. I didn’t
have to go over there to know all that or to know any offer of help
from me would be looked on as interference.

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I focused on the shadowy image by the fire. It appeared to be a

man about the same size and height as me.

Someone on the run from the law? A druggie looking for a

secluded spot to give himself a fix?

I doubted either one would risk attracting attention by lighting

a fire outside an abandoned house in a populated area. They
usually knew enough to keep their heads down and stay out of
sight. But desperation sometimes drove people to do weird stuff. If
I was to hazard a guess, I’d say it was some poor schmuck who’d
been tossed out of his home or lost his job and had nowhere to go
and no one to turn to. Or an abused teen, or…

My resolve to mind my business weakened. Commonsense said

not to get involved, but… I know what it’s like to lose your job
and the difficulties of finding another. My severance package had
been more than I’d expected, but it wouldn’t have kept me going
indefinitely. If it wasn’t for The Bayview and the opportunity my
parents handed me to restore the resort to its former glory, I, too,
could be sitting around with my thumb up my ass. I could be living
on the street by now and spending my nights in abandoned or
burned-out buildings.

I started across the strip of beach that separated the cottages

from the Hanes’ place. If I got told to fuck off, so be it.

“Hey, there,” I called out. If the guy wanted to run, this was his

chance. “Everything okay? I know it’s none of my business, but
this doesn’t strike me as the best night for a barbeque.”

The man held his ground. “You’re right, it’s not; it’s—” He

took a sudden step toward me and then hesitated. “Oh, shit! Devon
Lister as I live and breathe. I don’t believe this. I thought you were
living the high life in New York. If I’d known you were here…”

I stopped abruptly and stared in shock, while a dozen different

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emotions rushed through my body and fought for supremacy in my
head.

It couldn’t be. It just wasn’t possible.
I’d expected to find some down-and-out stranger, a rebellious

kid, a runaway, or anyone other than the person I’d been thinking
about less than a moment ago. But that’s who it was. The drop
dead gorgeous, dark-haired, dark-eyed Julian Hanes, my boyhood
nemesis in the flesh.

“Nice to see you, too,” I muttered, fighting to stay calm and

keep my tone casual. “You’d have done what? Gone for a swim?
Taken the next flight back to Lalaland?”

He ignored my questions and gestured toward the house. “You

know who did this?”

“No idea. Some pyromaniac who wanted to have himself a

little fun, I guess. By the time the fire department arrived, it was
too late to do much. The fire had too strong a hold.”

“No kidding.” He pulled up the collar of what looked to be a

thin cotton windbreaker and used a stick to poke at the dwindling
fire. Julian had always been on the skinny side, but the way he
looked now was more than fashionably thin. I got the distinct
impression he hadn’t had what I’d call a decent meal in weeks.

“Didn’t the cops get in touch with you?”
“No, but I’ve been moving around a lot lately.”
Unable to contain my curiosity, I said, “Then how did you find

out about it?”

“I knew Granddad was gone, but I didn’t know about this until

a few minutes ago. I needed somewhere to stay temporarily. The
property is mine, so I figured I could camp here for a few days
while I figured out my next move.”

I couldn’t quite suppress the tiny twinge of satisfaction that

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came from knowing Julian’s plans hadn’t worked out any better
than mine. Not very nice of me, but habit dies hard, even though
I’m no longer a kid. “Not in this weather you can’t. Guess you’ll
have to move on to plan B.”

Julian made a sound somewhere between a groan and a laugh,

snapped the stick into two pieces and dropped them on the fire. “I
would if I could. But there is no plan B. This is it.”

“It?”
He gestured toward what was left of the house and a ratty-

looking backpack sitting on the ground nearby. “My worldly
possessions for what they’re worth. I know the place has been
standing empty since Granddad died, but that was what, less than a
year ago, right?”

“I’m not sure how long it’s been. I was still in New York when

it happened.”

“Whatever,” Julian snapped. “The lawyer was supposed to be

keeping an eye on the place while I decided what to do with it. I
didn’t expect to come back and find it in this condition. What
happened to the contents? It wasn’t full of valuable antiques, but
what was there was good solid stuff.”

I shrugged. “No idea. The cops figured it was taken by

someone looking for money to buy drugs, and they set the fire to
cover their tracks. ”

Julian shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around his slim

body. “And no one saw a thing, right?”

“Not that I’ve heard.”
“Thank God it was insured, but it could be weeks before I see a

cent. And probably months before it can be made habitable again.
If ever.”

For a brief moment, I experienced a bitchy urge to mutter

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something about it being tough luck and too bad and making some
excuse to leave. Ten years ago, I would have done just that. But I’d
done some growing up since then, and I didn’t need a crystal ball
to know Julian wasn’t just down on his luck. The poor bastard was
fresh out.

“Well, you can’t stay here that’s for sure.” I hesitated, then

added quickly before I could change my mind, “Instead of standing
around here freezing our asses off, you’d better come on back to
the motel with me. I’ll find you something to eat and a room for
the night, and tomorrow you can figure out what to do.”

“Sounds good, but…” Julian’s laugh sounded both hollow and

shaky. “The bad news is, I’m broke. And from what I recall of our
history, you don’t exactly owe me any favors.”

“I take it your grandfather didn’t leave anything besides the

house?”

Julian shook his head. “He didn’t have anything other than his

pension and some savings. There was enough to cover his final
expenses and keep this place going for a few months while I
decided whether I wanted to rent or sell, but that was it. Until I talk
to the insurance people and see if they’ll advance me something,
I’m totally screwed.”

It was true I didn’t owe Julian any favors. But that was then,

this was now, and I like to think I’m not a total bastard. Plus I saw
no point in continuing some ancient fight that should never have
started in the first place.

“Okay, we have some history from when we were kids, but so

what? That was half a lifetime ago.” I forced a smile. “Right now it
looks to me as if you could use some help, and I’m offering.”

“I don’t want or need your charity.”
Julian glared at me, and I glared right back. For a moment, it

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was like old times.

“So what do you want? To stay out here all night and freeze to

death?”

A faint smile replaced the glare. “I can’t call the insurance

company until the morning.” He hesitated, frowning. “What if they
refuse the claim?”

“You know of any reason they might?”
“Do they need one? Even though the premiums were up to date

and the lawyer had someone keeping an eye on the place, that’s no
guarantee they’ll just pay up without a fight.”

“Maybe they’ll surprise you.”
“I won’t hold my breath.”
“What you need is a job.”
The glare was back. “No kidding,”
We both knew our history was making Julian reluctant to

accept my help, but his misfortune had given me an idea that
would help us both. “You have any experience with house
painting?”

“I’ve painted the odd room from time to time. Why?”
“In that case…” I gestured over my shoulder in the general

direction of the rental cottages. “Those units all need repainting,
inside and outside. You can cover your expenses for now by
working on them while you figure out things with the insurance
people. That’s if you’re interested.”

“Like I have a choice?”
“Just a suggestion.”
“Okay, why not? I suppose it would give me something to do.

Thanks. But…”

“But what?” Despite my winter jacket and thick jeans, I was far

from warm. I stamped my feet to get the blood moving again.

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“You really sure about this?” Julian appeared impervious to the

cold as he kicked at a clump of dead grass. “When we were kids,
we were sworn enemies, always beating up on each other. I have
no idea why, but from what I remember, I didn’t like you any
better than you liked me. ”

The fire shot up a flame, highlighting the uncertainty in

Julian’s expression, before it flickered and died, leaving us in
semi-darkness.

“What’s changed?” he pressed. “Or was it my imagination you

hated my guts back then? Okay, I know a couple of times we said
we should try to be friends, but neither of us it meant it. Friendship
was the last thing we wanted. Right?”

“I guess.” I stamped my feet some more and smiled, thinking

back to some of the nastier stunts the two of us had pulled with hot
mustard and ketchup. And the time Julian had put what he thought
was poison ivy in my gym shorts. It had taken me a while to figure
out hate could be every bit as strong as love. And that when you
were denied what you so desperately wanted, hating the object of
your desire was almost as satisfying as sex. “Kids do a lot of stupid
stuff. The good news is, I grew up. How’s that fire doing? Is it
out?”

“I think so.”
Thanks to the wind, I was now chilled right through to the

bone. “So why don’t you grab your stuff and let’s move it before I
turn into a fucking icicle. It’s freezing out here.”

* * *

Petey looked up from the computer as Julian followed me into

the motel office. “Everything okay, boss?”

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“Seemed to be. Petey, this is Julian Hanes. He used to live here

in town. We went to school together. Julian, this is Petey, my night
man.”

The two men shook hands, and Petey said, “Hanes? You

related to the guy who owned the house next door that burned
down?”

“That was my grandfather.”
“Really? Tough break.” Petey checked his monitor. “Guess that

means you’ll be wanting a place to stay temporarily. Yes?”

“Julian’s going to be repainting the cottages while he sorts out

what to do with the house,” I interjected. “So he’ll be staying here
for as long as that takes. What do we have available?”

Petey’s fingers flew over the computer keyboard. “A regular

room or does he get to christen one of those nice new units?”

“Better make it one of the units. He’ll be more comfortable

there.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them,
but I wasn’t about to examine my motives.

“Okay. One-oh-four at the far end.” Petey smiled and handed

Julian a key. “You have a stove and fridge and a nice view of the
beach. There are machines for snacks and soft drinks upstairs on
the second floor. Ice machine’s up there, too. Coffee shop’s open
from six in the A.M. to around six in the afternoon, and the
restaurant from noon until ten at night. There’s a convenience store
and a Laundromat across the street and one block down to your
right. Anything else, just call me.” He grinned as he finished his
spiel and tapped the arms of his wheelchair. “This thing doesn’t
move very fast, so I don’t get to go far from the phone.”

“But you will,” I said, throwing Petey a mock punch to his

shoulder. “Just keep the faith, bro, and you’ll make it.” I turned to
Julian. “When did you last eat?”

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17

Julian looked away. “I’ll be okay.”
The man looked even thinner in the light. Gaunt was the word

that came to my mind. But it made him look sexy and— I closed
my mind before my thoughts could get me into trouble. “Not if you
don’t eat, you won’t. Leave your bag here with Petey, and we’ll
see what we can find.”

I made straight for the coffee shop located to one side of the

lobby. After flipping on the lights, I went around the counter to the
fridge in back. One of our most popular items is pre-packaged
sandwiches for people in a hurry. Everything is made fresh each
day, and that means any leftovers are the property of the night
staff.

“What happened to Petey?” Julian asked. “Car accident?”
“No. The victim of a roadside bomb in Afghanistan. Right

now, he can’t walk more than a couple of steps, hence the chair.
But the doctors figure if he keeps up his therapy he’ll make it back
okay. His biggest problem is not being able to sleep. Counseling is
supposed to fix that, too. He just needs to put all the nasty stuff he
witnessed behind him. It’s why I gave him the job here. Figured he
needed something else to occupy his mind.”

I checked the contents of the fridge and took out a couple of

sandwiches—an egg salad and a roast beef—and a container of
chicken noodle soup. I knew the beef was from a roast, not a deli,
and the soup was made in the restaurant kitchen from real
chickens. I put everything in a paper sack, added two cans of
juice—one tomato and one orange—a bag of chips and a wrapped
blueberry Danish, and handed it to Julian.

“Here, this should hold you for tonight. You’ll find plates,

cutlery, etcetera in the unit, along with pots and pans so you can
warm up the soup. And there’s a coffee maker with individual

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18

packages of coffee or tea if you prefer.” I reached in the fridge for
a small carton of milk and added it to the bag. “Better take one of
these as well. Anything else you need while we’re here?”

“Hell, this is more than enough. More than I’ve—” Julian

licked his lips, as if ready to dive straight in, and I silently finished
what I figured he’d almost said himself: more food than he’d seen
in a while. “If you’re still hungry, there’s plenty left. Just come and
help yourself.”

I followed Julian back to the lobby, closing the door behind me

and turning off the lights on my way.

I waited while he collected his backpack with his free hand,

then I opened the outside door. I still wanted him more than ever,
but I wasn’t sure why I was hovering over him like a protective
mother hen. Belated guilt feelings from when we were kids? The
fact his big dreams had met the same sorry end as mine? Maybe it
was a little of both. After all, I’d had a supportive family to come
home to. Julian had no one. Except for me.

“I’ve just had the rooms at the end of the building where you’ll

be staying converted into efficiency units, so I should tag along.
Make sure housekeeping has been in and done its job, and the TV
and the heater are working okay.”

Julian hesitated in the doorway, a cautious smile softening his

features. The same handsome features everyone thought would be
his free ticket to stardom. “It’s okay, Dev. You don’t have to
bother. I can call Petey if there’s a problem.”

Surely he doesn’t think I have ideas about jumping him?
The thought made me smile. “You could. But we didn’t finish

the final touches, including hooking up the appliances, until late
yesterday, and I haven’t had time to go back and check it all out.”

I led the way to the far end of the building and used my

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19

passkey to gain access to what was to be Julian’s temporary home.
On my instructions, one of the windows had been left open a crack,
but the smell of new carpet and fresh paint still hit my senses the
moment I opened the door. I turned the light on, feeling a rush of
pride at how good the place looked. Instead of your everyday
motel room with two queen beds and a rollaway, by converting
some of the space into a kitchenette, it had taken on the appearance
of a small but cozy studio apartment. I had a rough idea of what it
would take in terms of time, money and hard labor to redo all the
rooms. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but I’d made a start and if
news of the makeover attracted even half the kind of business I
hoped for, it would be money well spent.

The room was freezing cold. I closed the window and turned on

the heat. Then I checked the TV, stove and fridge to make sure all
were working, and the coffee machine had sufficient supplies.

With no legitimate reason to linger, I started for the door. “If

there’s anything you need, Julian, tell me now. Otherwise, I’ll say
goodnight and see you in the morning.”

Julian emptied the contents of his backpack on the bed and

hesitated for half a second before coming over to where I waited.
“Nothing I can think of, except to say thanks for being a friend. I
didn’t expect it and I probably don’t deserve it, Dev, but… Just
know I really appreciate you taking me in like this.”

“Glad I’m able to help.”
There was a moment of awkward silence that he broke by

saying, “Friends?” He put out his hand as if to shake mine. Then
he shrugged, smiled and before I realized what he had in mind,
he’d stepped forward, wrapped his arms around me and gave me
the biggest and best hug I’d had in a while.

I realized it was intended as an icebreaker, a small indication

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we were adults now, no longer set on ripping each other’s throats
out, but good as it felt, Julian’s sudden show of emotion had taken
me off guard. I stiffened, wishing it was more and I could take
things a step further. I wanted the guy so damn bad it was making
me crazy, and the way his hard cock was pressing against my
belly, I knew he wouldn’t say no. Even so, the moment was all
wrong. While he might not think I was taking advantage, it was for
damn sure I would.

I gave him a quick reciprocal hug, then broke the embrace, and

said, “The motel’s well-insulated against sub-zero temperatures
should that happen this early in the season. But if you’re cold in
the night, there are a couple of extra blankets in the closet. Sleep
tight.”

With that, I made my escape to my parents’ home a short walk

from the motel, but not to sleep. I’d had my feelings for Julian
under control, filed away safely under impossible dreams at the
back of my mind. That hug had brought it all to the surface, filling
my head with “what ifs,” and did he feel the same as me, or was it
just wishful thinking on my part?

I’d been feeling alternately hot and shivery cold for the last

little while. I figured it was the result of getting chilled from
standing in the wind when I discovered Julian at his grandfather’s
place.

I fixed myself a double shot of my dad’s scotch over ice,

grabbed a slice of stale pizza I found in the fridge, and turned on
the TV. My parents were in Florida, which was good; otherwise,
my mom would be driving me crazy, doing her mom thing. First,
cups of cocoa and buttered toast, then checking my forehead to see
if I had a temperature and wondering out loud if she should call the
doctor. I love my mom, and I know she means well, but there are

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21

times when I wish I wasn’t an only child.

Living at home with my parents had been intended as a short-

term, interim thing while they put me through the basics of
operating the resort before handing over full control. I must have
passed the test or they would not have gone jaunting off to the
sunny south for a couple of months, leaving me here on my own.
They’d said they’d be home in time for Christmas, and by then I
wanted to be settled in my own place.

That was assuming I could find the time to go look for

something. Even with an experienced staff to handle the day-to-
day operations, I was always busy with something, run off my feet
if truth be told, trying to be all things to all people. I wanted to be a
good boss, I wanted The Bayview to grow and prosper, and I
wanted to justify my parents’ belief I could pull it all off.

I fetched the morning paper from where I’d left it on the hall

table, turned to the Want Ads and checked what was available for
rent. There wasn’t much, but I didn’t feel like going online at this
time of night. The only possibility I saw was a two-bedroom
apartment in the downtown area. It was too far away from the
resort, probably way out of my price range, and I wanted one
bedroom, but I knew both the area and the building. Before
moving to New York, I’d had a memorable weekend fling with a
guy who had a place there…

I smiled and snuggled down in the chair. I couldn’t recall the

dude’s name, and I had only the haziest memory of what he’d
looked like. Yet I could still recall his apartment in every last
exquisite detail. Everything from the low lighting to the large,
beautifully furnished rooms, floor to ceiling windows looking out
over the lake, a kitchen that was a symphony of brushed steel and
black countertops, and a bathroom straight from the pages of an

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22

up-market magazine. I’d figured it for a custom-designed
seduction pad and every single guy’s dream. Okay, maybe not
every last guy out there, but it had been mine from the moment I
stepped through the door and it still was now, all these years later.
I hadn’t seen anything else that even came close, not even in New
York.

I fished my cell out of my pocket, remembered it was way after

midnight, and made a mental note to call first thing in the morning.

The ice cubes in my drink had melted, but after turning off the

TV, I finished it anyway. I’d stopped having the hot and cold
flashes, but I was so tired my vision was blurry and my bones
ached. I needed to get my ass in gear, take a shower and go to bed
while I still had the energy to move.

Maybe it was the thought of stepping into a hot, steam-filled

shower and then sinking into the seductive softness of the pillow-
top mattress on my bed. Whatever it was, despite my tiredness,
fragmented memories of that damn apartment and the wild
weekend I’d spent with the guy whose name I couldn’t remember
began dancing around in my head like a bunch of frenetic fireflies.

I’d met the guy at a downtown club the day I graduated from

school—one of those instant attraction things. He offered to buy
me a drink, invited me to dance, and that was all it took. He said he
had this great job designing computer software and, an hour or two
later, we’d ended up at his place. Over the next couple of days, we
drank our way through his stash of expensive French wine and
made love on every available flat surface in the apartment,
including those sexy countertops in the kitchen, the bed, and even
the bathroom floor. And, just for the hell of it, we’d also done it
outside on the balcony. With the apartment being on the top floor, I
doubt anyone had been able to spy on us. Then again, with the

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23

amount of noise we must have made, I don’t imagine we left too
much to the neighbors’ imagination.

I chuckled in remembrance as I killed the lights and made my

way along the hall to the bathroom. The two of us…I tried
recalling his name—Dean? Dane? Something like that—had been
insatiable to the point where fucking our brains out had taken on a
whole new meaning. I have no idea how many times we did it, but
if we’d been keeping count, I suspect it may have qualified as
some kind of record.

The events of those few crazy, sex-filled days trickled through

my mind like a strip of fuzzy black-and-white film as I dropped my
dirty clothes in the laundry hamper and turned on the shower. At
one point, we’d tried duplicating some of the antics we’d just
watched in a late night porn flick, and I remember ending up with a
sore butt and a couple of bruises. Another of the highlights had
been the two of us eating strawberry ice cream in bed and having a
great time licking up what we deliberately spilled on one another. I
swear that clever tongue of his had found every erogenous spot on
my body, plus a couple I hadn’t known existed.

I poured a little shower gel into my hand, stepped under the

spray and let memory take over.

When we got to his apartment, I’d only had to look at the

passion smoldering in his half-closed eyes to know how much he
wanted me. I’d felt the same way and within seconds of closing the
door, we’d been out of our clothes and on one another like a pair of
randy dogs. I still remembered the way he’d kissed me, and how
I’d held my breath in anticipation, waiting for him to kneel down
and claim me. I’d wanted to feel his lips and tongue working their
magic, and when it finally happened, he’d made it so special. He’d
brought me slowly to the edge and held me there on the brink of

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24

what he’d promised would be total ecstasy…

I could see what I thought was a vague outline of his face

hovering a short distance away, but the features were indistinct. I
concentrated hard, trying to bring the image closer. Suddenly,
everything around me grew hazy, then wavered and blurred. I felt
dizzy, off-balance, thinking I was about to pass out. I braced my
hands hard against the shower wall, took a deep breath and
released it slowly.

The haze cleared and as the features came into focus, instead of

some long ago lover, I realized the face I could see belonged to
Julian Hanes.

The image continued to hover. I stretched out a hand and

touched…nothing! I swallowed hard, telling myself I was
imagining things, that it was my tired eyes playing tricks. Maybe
I’d picked up a flu bug or something. And maybe I’d pushed
myself too hard getting the motel back on its feet and now I’d…I’d
what? Flipped out?

Panic flitted around the edges of my mind. I took another

breath, forcing myself to breathe deeply and evenly as I hung tight
to the wall. I didn’t know if I was I dying, having a nervous
breakdown, a stroke, or simply suffering from a bad case of
indigestion from eating the stale pizza.

Suddenly, the image fragmented and vanished, leaving me to

stare at the cream-tiled shower wall.

I pressed my forehead against the cold ceramic. I started

feeling hot, then cold again. I was also shaky and off-balance, but
what in hell did I expect? I’d been working almost twenty-four-
seven since taking over the resort. I was over-tired, and Julian’s
unexpected appearance at the end of a long day had been the final
straw. And, and… And what? The shock had pushed me over the

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25

edge and I was seeing things?

I forced a laughed. I knew from experience that tiredness could

do weird things to a person’s head. It was a bit like being drunk.
I’d got my memories from the past mixed up with the present and
the two had morphed together. My mom would say it was my Irish
roots acting up.

Her family is from Ireland and they believe anything weird like

what just happened to me happens for a reason. That the person
you think you see has something important to say, and you must
pay attention.

I finished showering, turned off the water, and reached for a

towel.

Pay attention to what, I couldn’t begin to imagine. I didn’t

subscribe to their old country psychobabble bullshit. I’d long ago
clued into the fact the hostilities between me and Julian had been
our way of dealing with other deeper and, back then, more
dangerous feelings. I knew it, and I figured so did he. What else
was there to say?

There’s nothing new about people hiding their feelings. We all

do it all the time. Kids, regardless of sexual orientation, hide their
emotions for fear of being teased. And it’s the same with adults.
Emotions make us vulnerable so, whenever possible, we keep them
under wraps.

Was that why I’d stashed Julian at the motel rather than offer

him the spare room here at the house? I’d been scared Petey or
one of my other employees might read something into it? Maybe
figure there was more going on between the two of us than the Old
Pals Act?

Oh, fuck it! Start thinking along those lines, and I’d be looking

for trouble for sure.

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Nothing was going on between Julian and me. Not now, not

any time soon, and probably not ever. And no way was I about to
start feeling guilty over what I knew had been nothing more or less
than a simple act of human kindness. Maybe I wouldn’t have done
quite as much for a total stranger, but I would have figured out
something. I wouldn’t have left any living soul to freeze to death in
a burned-out house. I balled up the towel I’d used, threw it at the
full-to-bursting hamper and watched as it fell to the floor.

Before coming into the bathroom, I could barely keep my eyes

open. I’d been relaxed, ready for bed. Now, here I was, wound up
like a clock, my head full of questions for which I had no answers
and my chances of a good night’s sleep straight down the toilet.

I pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and reached for my robe. I

needed a distraction and I didn’t have far to look to find one. There
was a pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink needing attention, and
I hadn’t touched the laundry in over a week. If catching up on
chores didn’t settle me down, I could always resort to surfing TV
for a while, having another shot of my dad’s scotch, or maybe
both.

* * *

After a restless night of fractured dreams and, I’m embarrassed

to admit, a wet one involving Julian and an assortment of faceless
dudes, I came awake a little after eight to hear the phone ringing.

I fumbled for the extension on my nightstand, somehow

knocking it off the table onto the floor and smacking myself in the
face with the receiver. Not the greatest start to the day. I cleared
my throat and opened one eye. “This better be good.”

“And good morning to you, too, boss,” Petey said in a cheerful

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27

voice that gave me the urge to hang up. “Bad night, huh? Well,
sorry to disturb you, but it’s a gorgeous day. Wind’s dropped,
sun’s shining and temperature is supposed to hit eighteen Celsius
by this afternoon. Anyway, the reason I’m calling is to ask if it’s
okay for Julian to start work on painting the cottages. He’s had his
breakfast and now he’s raring to go.”

“Bully for him,” I muttered on a yawn. “Okay, tell him to have

another coffee and hang tight. I’ll be there shortly.”

By the time I arrived, a little before nine, Petey had gone off

duty, replaced by the day shift composed of longtime employees,
Debbie and Jean.

“’Morning ladies,” I said, looking around for Julian.
“If you’re looking for your friend, he said he wanted to get an

early start, whatever that means,” Jean offered with a frown as she
turned away and began flipping flipped through a stack of charge
slips. “Have you seen yesterday’s slips, Deb? They were right here
on the desk a minute ago.”

“I’m still working on them. You asked me to double check the

total.”

They were still going back and forth as I walked out to find

Julian. He was next door in the maintenance shed, sorting through
a collection of paintbrushes and rollers.

“Got everything you need?” I inquired.
“Just about.” He glanced up with a grin, looking sexy as hell

and a thousand times better than when I’d found him last night.
Amazing what a good night’s sleep and food could do.

I swallowed the urge to say something provocative, prayed my

baggy old jeans covered the evidence of his effect on me, and
grinned right back. I gestured to the new cans of paint lined up on
a shelf. “The outsides are to be white, with red doors and blue trim.

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The interiors I want done with the off-white.”

Julian rolled his dark, sexy eyes and chuckled softly, the sound

sliding over my skin like a caress and making my jeans go from
loose to uncomfortably tight. “I kinda gathered that from the
exterior and interior labels on the cans.”

“Oh, yeah. Right…” I shrugged off a twinge of embarrassment

and picked up the bag of replacement rollers I’d bought at the same
time as the paint and put it beside the brushes. “You’ll find a
couple of paint trays in one of the cupboards and there are some
old coveralls around here somewhere that ought to fit you. Just
help yourself.”

“Dev?”
“Yeah?”
“All that stuff I pulled when we were kids…”
I tensed, keeping my head down and my gaze fixed on the

roller refills. “You mean that anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better
shit? What about it?”

“You still pissed off with me?”
“Come on, Julian. That happened years ago.”
“I know, but…”
“But what? Most kids are aggressive and competitive at that

age. It’s all part of growing up. From what I remember, I gave as
good as I got.”

“You have kids?”
My head shot up and I trapped his gaze, wondering what stupid

game he thought he was playing. “That was never in the cards for
me. And you know it.”

A flush of color crept up his neck and into his cheeks. “I don’t

know. Anything’s possible. People change.”

“I didn’t. Did you?”

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The color in his face deepened. “I didn’t get married and I

don’t have any children, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I see. Still pretending, huh?”
His eyes widened with surprise. “What’s that supposed to

mean?”

I shook my head. “Come on, Julian. You’re gay, so am I, and

this is the twenty-first century. What’s the big secret?”

“No secret. I just…”
“Just what?” I took a step closer. I knew I should let it go, but

having the advantage over Julian hadn’t happened more than a
couple of times when we were kids and the feeling it gave me now
was almost as good as sex. If I pushed a little harder, maybe—

Julian’s expression was so damned knowing, I knew he’d read

my mind, and it made me wanted to slap him. A nice hard slap on
his bare butt for openers.

“I’ve always preferred to keep my private life private, if you

know what I mean. Fewer problems that way.”

He took a can of exterior paint from the shelf and put it by the

door. Then he picked up one of the roller refills, brushing the pad
of his thumb back and forth over the pile, as if deep in thought.
Suddenly, he turned and looked back at me, a faint smile curving
his lips. I knew damn well he was daring me to push the issue. If I
did, then what? He’d charge me with sexual harassment in the
workplace.

“Unless there’s anything else, you’ll have to excuse me. It’s a

nice day for working outside and I’d like to get a decent start on
the cottages while the weather holds.”

Impotent fury curled my hands into fists, but I nodded in the

direction of the door. “Sure, go ahead. If you need anything, I’ll
either be in the office or around here somewhere.”

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* * *

The resort manager’s office also needed upgrading—a new

paint job, new carpet, and new furniture. But, like the rest of what I
considered to be the non-essentials, it would have to wait. Telling
Debbie I didn’t want to be disturbed, I went in, locked the door
behind me, sat in the chair and put my feet up on the desk.

My encounter with Julian had left me with a king-sized boner

and the knowledge I’d behaved like a complete fool. It was my
own fault. I knew how he affected me, and I should have left him
to figure out what he needed and get started on the job by himself.

The fact he could still read my mind was downright creepy.

Was I that fucking transparent? Or had his thoughts been running
along a parallel track to mine? The one where we wished we could
quit behaving like a pair of idiots and admit what we wanted. What
we’d always wanted.

I closed my eyes and stroked a hand down my dick, trying to

think of a way I could make it happen. I wasn’t looking for a
relationship and I doubted Julian was either. I just wanted to get
him off my mind and the only way of doing that would be for the
two of us to do what we should have done years ago.

In the meantime… I took a deep breath. Before I could open

my pants and treat myself to a little temporary relief so I could get
on with my day, the phone rang.

I took my feet off the desk and picked up. “I thought I said I

didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“So you did, boss. Sorry, I forgot,” Deb apologized without

sounding the slightest bit apologetic. “There’s a Mr. Gordon here
from the marina. He wants to know if he can book our restaurant
for their annual Christmas party. Says the place where they had it

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last year went out of business.”

“Did he mention how many people?”
“He said around thirty, give or take. And he’d like to serve

roast beef with all the trimmings. Drinks included. You
interested?”

“You bet I am.” I wasn’t about to turn down anything that

promised extra income. With everything costing way more than I’d
anticipated, I needed every penny I could get. Also planning a big
party for the folks at the marina would give me something to think
about besides Julian, and that made me doubly interested. “Thanks,
Deb. I’ll be right out.”

The resort restaurant was big enough to seat a hundred or more

and was fine for family gatherings. It had also been used for
weddings a number of times. Noisy office parties were a whole
different ball game. I couldn’t have them in the same space as our
regular diners, who were looking to relax with a couple of drinks
and a good dinner.

But if I could work out a deal with the marina, then I’d go

ahead with another idea I’d been playing with. That was turning
the TV/social activity rooms used by our summer visitors during
bad weather into private dining rooms for the winter season. They
were all large enough to accommodate parties of thirty or more,
and I could borrow tables and chairs from the main restaurant. If
we didn’t have enough, there was always that rental place just
down the street.

* * *

Between attending to regular business and talking party plans

with Stew Gordon from the marina and our chef Ricky, I didn’t see

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Julian again until after five that afternoon. I’d left my office to pick
up a snack from the coffee shop when I noticed him in there. His
back was toward me and he was sitting at the counter, laughing
about something with Brian, one of the waiters from the restaurant.

Something about seeing the two of them together caught me

unawares. Something I didn’t want to look at or think about. I
hesitated, stepping back out of sight as a dozen different emotions
raced through my mind, cramping my stomach and making me feel
a tad dizzy. A mixture of jealousy, anger, and disappointment
bubbled in my brain as they forced their way to the surface.

I took a couple of deep breaths in an effort to calm down. It

was almost dark. Julian could only paint the outside of the cottages
in the daylight, and Brian was probably killing time before his shift
started at six. If they wanted to socialize, there was no law against
it. It was none of my damn business what they did outside of
working hours, but seeing the two of them together acting so close
and cozy, as if it was the start of something great, was like a sucker
punch to my gut.

Maybe it was the start of something. I didn’t know for absolute

sure if Brian was gay, but I did know about Julian. And I knew
Brian only worked part time during the week. He’d be finished his
shift around nine and if Julian invited him to stop by his unit, there
would be no one to see and no one to care what they did.

Other than me. If that was their plan, I’d care. I’d care one huge

fucking bunch. I sucked in another deep breath, averted my eyes,
and kept right on going past the coffee shop, past a group of people
waiting at reception, and out the main door.

The thought of those two fucking each other’s brains out in one

of my beautiful new units drove me nuts. If they messed the place
up in any way…if they spilled something, stained the carpet, broke

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even one cup or ruined anything at all, I’d kill the pair of them. I’d
chop them into tiny pieces and feed their remains to the fishes in
the lake. I’d…

My eyesight blurred. I was sweating, shaking like a leaf, and I

knew if I didn’t calm down, I was liable to give myself a stroke.

Julian was mine. Mine! All mine!
A quick burst of laughter alerted me to someone coming out

the door behind me. I moved away fast, around the corner of the
motel building and down to the beach.

It was freezing cold by the lake. My teeth began to chatter, and

I realized all I was wearing was a thin cotton shirt and no jacket.
So what? Maybe I’d catch pneumonia and die and Julian would be
sorry. He’d wish he—

No, he would not!
Julian Hanes didn’t give a flying fuck whether I lived, died or

turned into a turnip. And that’s what really burned my ass. Sure, he
was terribly grateful last night when I saved him from spending the
night in that burned-out house. He’d gone to L.A. to be an actor
and that’s what his gratitude was, an act. The highlight being the
heartwarming hug that made my heart sing and gave me hope that
maybe we did have something. When, in actual fact, the son of a
bitch had been trading on my guilt from when we were kids to get
himself through a bad patch. Once he straightened things out with
the insurance company and they paid him off, he’d be out of here
like a shot from a gun.

I wrapped my arms around my body for warmth and kept

walking until my anger began to dissipate and reality crept in.

It was my own fault for being so damn gullible and trusting. If I

hadn’t stuck my nose in last night, and if I hadn’t been so forgiving
and quick to offer help… I wouldn’t be walking along the

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shoreline getting flash frozen and feeling like my heart was
broken. Julian Hanes was a total shit. Always had been and always
would be. The sooner he got his money and got the hell out of my
life, the happier I’d be.

At the property line dividing The Bayview from the Hanes’

house, I turned around and headed back the way I’d come.

I wanted to think I’d over-reacted, but this was classic Julian

behavior from way back. Get me to believe he wanted to be
friends, then turn around and stab me in the back. He’d done it to
me a thousand times, yet I’d never learned. I’d just sucked it up,
told myself next time would be different and begged for more.

I was through playing Julian’s games and falling for his stories.

Brian could have him.

When I got back to the motel, Deb and Jean were gone and

Petey was at the desk. As usual, Petey was doing two things at the
same time, dealing with a guest and talking on the phone.

I murmured something about it being freezing out there as I

passed him on the way to my office. The comment earned me a
funny look I ignored, but I knew there would be questions later.
Petey has a caring disposition and a mother-hen complex, which
can be nice if your pet rabbit goes missing. In my case, the last
thing I needed was chicken soup and an inquisition. I needed a
distraction.

The cost projections I’d been working on would have to wait

until tomorrow. I couldn’t concentrate on anything important in my
present state of mind. I felt edgy, irritated, in need of relief if only
the temporary variety. I closed down the computer and put on my
jacket. Rather than spend another evening in an empty house,
where I’d have nothing to do but think and watch boring programs
on TV, I needed to get out and have fun. My favorite downtown

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gay bar was The Diamond. I hadn’t been there in a while and what
it offered, I needed. After a few drinks and a couple of dances, I
might even feel adventurous enough to pick one the twinks for
some major relaxation, and by morning I’d be back on track.

After telling Petey where I could be found in the event of an

emergency, I said goodnight and left.

* * *

I was hungry, but I didn’t want to eat at The Bayview for fear

of running into Julian or Brian. I picked up a burger at the fast food
place across the street and ate it on my way home. After a quick
shower and a change of clothes, I called a cab.

The driver dropped me off at the entrance to The Diamond. The

doorman was new since my last visit. Marv, the middle-aged
trannie in purple satin and gold sequins who took care of the coat
check and looked like he was auditioning for Cabaret, had been
there since the place opened. Rumor had it Marv was the owner’s
cousin, who couldn’t decide on which bus he wanted to ride.
Others said he was a straight guy playing a part. Whatever the true
story, I knew from personal experience Marv had a big heart and a
shoulder to cry on for anyone who needed it.

“Hi, Dev, baby. Long time no see,” Marv greeted me in a

squeaky tenor that belied the fact he could deal with most rabble-
rousers singlehandedly. He took my jacket and handed me a ticket.
“You all alone and looking for a little fun?”

“Something like that. What’s new with you?”
He gave a high-pitched giggle and patted me on the ass.

“Changes, lots of changes happening here. We have some new
dancers who seem very ready, willing and able, if you catch my

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drift. At least there have been no complaints. And in case you
haven’t heard, The Diamond is now the number one go-to place in
town.”

“How did that happen? Did someone take a vote?”
“No, silly boy.” Marv giggled and treated me to another pat on

the ass, along with an affectionate squeeze. “That fancy new place
down by the harbor went out of business last week, so now we’re
the only game in town. Business has doubled since then.”

I punched him lightly on the upper arm and headed for the

action.

As always, the main room was in semi-darkness, and it took a

few seconds for my eyes to adjust.

After talking to Marv, I expected the bar to be crowded. It

wasn’t. There were maybe a few more customers than the last time
I was here, but I noticed plenty of empty tables and several vacant
stools along the bar. I didn’t know if Marv had been putting me on
or simply indulging in a little wishful thinking. There were no
dancers, at least none on view, and the only change I noticed was
after I sat on one of the stools, ordered a beer and discovered the
price was now about twice what I remembered.

I looked slowly around the room in the hope of a little action,

but the occupants of the tables were all couples. The stool to my
right was empty and the guy on my left was with someone. Not
ready to give up, I looked farther down the bar, and—

And there, just three seats away, was Julian having a great time

with some old geezer at least twice his age.

I couldn’t believe it. Last night, he’d told me he’d spent his last

dollar getting to his grandfather’s house. Now, here he was out
clubbing. I couldn’t begin to guess what game he was playing and
I didn’t even want to try. I just knew I wanted no part of it.

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Abandoning my drink, I got up and headed for the exit. I was so
angry I could barely see straight, but I was not about to beat myself
up a second time in one day. Not over a lying, heartless piece of
shit like Julian. No one was worth that.

I’d almost made it to the door when I felt a hand grab my arm.
“Hey, Dev, wait up.”
I hesitated. I knew by the voice it was Julian, and the words I

wanted to say were sitting right there on my tongue, all ready to
spit out. I wanted to tell him to take his hands off me and just crawl
back into whatever hole he’d come out of. To find some other
sucker to take him in and listen to his sad tale of woe. I wanted to
say that and a whole lot more. Problem was it wouldn’t achieve
anything except to cause a scene. It sure wouldn’t make me feel
better. I swallowed the urge to vent and turned to face him. “What
are you doing here? Hoping to find a little action?”

Julian seemed surprised by the question. “No. As a matter of

fact, I’ve been trying to find you.” He released my arm and took a
small step back. “I talked to the insurance people this afternoon,
and I thought you’d like to hear what they said. But you’re not the
easiest guy to track down. First, I was told you were busy, so I
hung around the coffee shop for a while. Then Petey said you’d
left for the day, so…” He shrugged, looking vaguely embarrassed,
like a kid who thought he might have over-stepped. “He said if you
weren’t at home, I’d find you here. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“I don’t. It’s fine. No problem.” He looked so good in clean

jeans, a dark sweatshirt and denim jacket. And so incredibly
fucking huggable. My anger vanished, and I felt bad for
misjudging him. I felt like the world’s worst fool. Had I become so
damn jealous and insecure I needed to assume the worst of
anything and everything where Julian was concerned? “Sorry. I

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didn’t realize you were waiting for me. No one said anything.”

“I guess they figured it wasn’t important. I could’ve left it until

tomorrow, but I was excited. I didn’t have anything else to do, so I
borrowed a couple of bucks from Petey and took the bus
downtown. Anyhow, I’m glad I finally found you.”

“Yeah, I am, too,” I said, knowing I meant it and feeling even

more foolish about the way I’d reacted when I saw Julian talking to
Brian. It made no difference I hadn’t known he was waiting for
me. The point was there had been no reason for me to think he was
hitting on Brian. I’d jumped to conclusions and assumed, and that
wasn’t like me. I never assume. I’ve always believed there are two
explanations for most things: the right one and the wrong one. “So
what’s this exciting news you’re bursting to tell me?”

“The lawyer filed a claim on my behalf with the insurance

company right after the fire. They’ve completed their investigation
and they’re satisfied it was vandals. All I have to do is go into their
office, sign some papers, pick up the check and it’s finished. Isn’t
that great?”

Julian’s upbeat mood was infectious. I was glad to hear his

immediate problems were solved and I wanted to help him
celebrate. What it meant in practical terms I wasn’t ready to think
about. “Sure is. And here you were afraid it could take weeks to
settle, maybe even months.”

“I know. But now comes the hard part and that’s figuring out

what I should do.”

“With the money or with the property?”
“Both. I had a vague plan in mind when I decided it might be a

good idea to come back home to Bayview rather than list the house
for sale. Of course, I didn’t know about the fire until I got here and
that’s put a whole different spin on things.”

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Since Julian wanted to talk, I gestured in the direction of an

empty table. “Why don’t we sit down and have a beer?”

He grinned. “Sounds good, so long as you’re buying. I’m

broke, remember? I only borrowed enough from Petey for bus
fare.”

I laughed, signaled the waiter and ordered a couple of draught

beers. “I can always add it to your bill.”

“Hey, that’s no way to treat an old friend.”
Friends? Despite the strong sexual attraction that had been

between us for as long as I could remember, I’d never thought of
us that way. Adversaries, enemies, fierce competitors, opponents,
even wannabe lovers, but never friends.

“I guess this mean you’ll be hanging up your paint brush.”
“No. I promised I’d paint the cottages and that still stands. It’ll

give me something to do while I decide where I want to go from
here.”

I felt a tiny flicker of unease. “Meaning what exactly?”
“The guy I spoke with at the insurance company said the

investigation revealed that the house is still structurally sound. The
fire was started in two different spots—the kitchen and the main
bathroom upstairs. My grandfather had crafted the cabinets in both
rooms from solid wood. All the vandals had to do was throw gas or
some other accelerant on them and light a match. Both rooms will
have to be totally redone from scratch. There’ll also be a ton of re-
plastering and repainting to do throughout the whole house, and of
course, every last window and door needs replacing.”

Our drinks arrived. I handed the waiter a bill, told him to keep

the change, and took a long sip of the frosty brew. “So the question
is, do you fix the place up or sell as is?”

“That’s about the size of it.” Julian stared at the contents of his

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glass for a moment, then he sighed, took a sip and added, “It has
four bedrooms on the second floor, an attic that could be converted
into one, maybe two more, and another small room that was used
as a den on the main floor. B&Bs are all the rage these days,
especially the classy boutique kind. I worked at one while I was in
California, so I’m familiar with the way they operate.”

The success or failure of a new business is always a matter of

luck, guesswork and consumer demand. I doubted what Julian had
in mind would translate into serious competition for me and my
operation. Once I’d completed the upgrade, The Bayview would be
a slightly better than your average motel and family-style resort
complete with cottages, a pool and summertime beach facilities for
kids. Thanks to Chef Ricky, our restaurant was a considerable cut
above any other eatery for miles around. Depending on what he
offered in the way of food service, I might even benefit from
having a B&B right next door.

“Is that what you want to do?”
“It was. But the fire changes everything. A real downer, if I’m

honest. I need time to regroup and think it all through. Consider
my options as they say.”

The rueful smile he gave me went straight to my heart. I

wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. His full
lips looked so incredibly kissable and in this half-light, his dark
eyes appeared even sexier than usual. I wanted him so damn bad I
was ready to come on the spot. Abstinence might be good for a lot
of things, but not for what ailed me. I pressed a hand against my
arousal, but it made the ache worse not better.

At that particular moment, I didn’t care we hadn’t seen one

another in a couple of lifetimes. I didn’t care about the past. I
didn’t care he’d been back in my life less than twenty-four hours

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and it was too soon to start dreaming about things that might never
happen. I just wanted him. And I wanted him now. As to whether
or not he felt the same about me…

Someone turned up the music, and I recognized a song from

my teen years—“Baby, Now That I’ve Found You.” The only
reason I remembered it was because they’d played the same song
at our high school prom. I’d had such hopes for that night. I’d
hoped it would be the night Julian and I finally put aside our
differences.

When the DJ had started the track, I’d been standing alone in a

corner of the gym, watching Julian whoop it up with his friends.
But for some reason, the entire time the song was playing, he’d
kept glancing across the room in my direction. Whether to say “Eat
your heart out, sucker. I’m having fun and you’re not,” or “Wish I
was over there with you instead of here,” I never did figure it out. I
just remember I went home as soon as the song ended and cried
myself to sleep, knowing the one thing I wanted most in all the
world would never happen.

Soon after, I left for college in New York, and Julian took off

to seek his fortune in the movie biz thousands of miles away in
California. We hadn’t seen each other again until last night.

Julian reached across the small table and stroked the tip of a

finger across the back of my hand. “Hello? Earth to Dev.”

The brief contact brought me back to the present. “Sorry. Did

you say something?”

He smiled. “I love this song. It reminds me of our prom night.”
“Yeah, me, too.” I hesitated, the way the night ended still there

in my mind as clear as if it had happened yesterday. “Why did you
keep looking at me that night?”

“I did?” He laughed softly and pushed back his chair. Taking

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my hand, he pulled me to my feet. “Too long ago. I don’t
remember, but I love to dance and while we’re doing that, who
knows? Maybe it’ll come back to me.”

As we put our arms around one another and began moving to

the music, I thought back to when we were teenagers and the
constant running battle that had existed between Julian and me. All
the dreams and the tears, the tiny rays of hope on the few occasions
when I’d thought there was a chance we could get it together. And,
like a million times before, I wondered why it never happened,
why we’d just turned our backs on what we could have had and
walked away.

Had we been afraid coming out would alienate us from family

and friends? The fear of being bullied and made to feel like freaks?
Or was it because we’d been too young and too afraid and saw
running away as our only option? In those days, people weren’t as
accepting as they are now. All I knew was, for me, pretending to
hate Julian had been so much easier than admitting I loved him.

The music ended abruptly mid-track. We waited a few seconds

for it to resume. Nothing happened so we returned to the table and
finished our drinks.

“How about another beer?” I asked as the waiter came over.
Julian leaned back in his chair and stretched out his long legs.

“Sure, why not. It’s still early.”

The waiter scribbled our order on his pad and moved off to the

next table.

Julian and I had come a long way in the past twenty-four hours,

but I knew better than to read anything in to it. Right now, he had a
lot on his mind. Maybe he’d decide to stay here in Bayview.
Maybe he’d put the property up for sale and move on. All I knew
for sure was if I pushed, I could lose him forever. If we were meant

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to be, it would happen.

The waiter came back with the second round of drinks.
As I picked up one of the glasses and took a couple of sips,

Julian waved a hand in the direction of the darkened stage. “It says
out front they have live music and erotic dancers. So where are
they?”

“Why? You want to check out the twinks?”
He smiled and gave one of my knees a brief squeeze. “Sure,

why not? It can be a real rush watching what some of them get up
to.”

“No kidding.” I took a deep breath, assured myself the squeeze

was nothing more than a friendly gesture and returned his smile.
“I’m not sure, but I imagine they’re waiting for the house to fill
before they come out.”

A steady stream of customers was now coming into the bar. By

the time we finished our second drinks, the noise level had doubled
and it was standing room only. But there was no music and the
stage was still dark.

“You want to stay for the show?” Julian asked as he put his

empty glass on the table and pushed back his chair.

“Not particularly. You?”
“Nah, not me.” He hesitated, shooting me an apologetic grin.

“Sorry! I’m really not big on the bar scene. Two beers and I’m
done.”

“You sure?”
“Positive.” He hesitated again. “But I wouldn’t say no to a

coffee if there’s somewhere nearby.”

“Sounds good to me.” It sounded better than good. I didn’t care

my plans for the evening hadn’t turned out the way I’d expected.
I’d relaxed enough to lose the edgy, uptight feeling I’d had most of

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the day and, even more important, I had my emotions under
control.

* * *

Apart from a couple of fast food restaurants in the next block,

the only other place I knew we could get a decent cup of coffee at
this hour was a food truck down by the harbor.

“You mind a short walk?” I asked Julian as we left The

Diamond.

He shrugged. “Depends what you consider short.”
“From here to the old harbor.”
“That’s what, three, maybe four blocks?”
“Something like that,” I admitted as we turned north on James.
“Wasn’t the harbor considered a no-go area when we were

kids?”

“It still was until the city made it the first project on their latest

beautification program and got rid of all those abandoned
warehouses. Now there’s a park, a couple of restaurants and an all-
night street food truck.”

It was a perfect night for walking. No wind, the temperature

was around fifty degrees and the sky clear and studded with stars.

We covered the first block without speaking, then Julian said,

“You asked earlier why I kept looking at you on prom night.”

“And you said you didn’t remember.”
“I know. Truth is I never forgot. I knew there wasn’t much

chance of me ever seeing you again in person, so I kept looking,
hoping I could fix your face so firmly in my mind I’d never forget
it.”

“I thought you hated me.”

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He laughed. “Sure I did. For the same reasons you hated me.

We may have been young, Dev, but we weren’t stupid. We’d been
brought up to believe what we felt was wrong and we dealt with it
the only way we knew how.”

“Right. By beating the shit out of each other.”
“We craved the physical contact and we got it without raising a

single eyebrow or causing a scandal. What was wrong with that?”

It was my turn to laugh, knowing I’d guessed right about our

feelings being mutual. “Nothing I can think of. The only thing
missing was the good part.”

“That’s why I needed to remember your face in every last

detail. All I had to do was close my eyes and imagine you were
there with me.”

“And the rest took care of itself.” I swallowed a sigh. “Believe

me, babe, I know.”

“It wasn’t our time.”
“I know that, too.” What I didn’t know was how Julian felt

about me now. Did he still care? Or had his feelings amounted to a
schoolboy crush he’d gotten over years ago and this was nothing
more than a trip down memory lane?

We reached the harbor, and I left Julian standing by one of the

benches, looking out across the dark waters of the lake while I
went over to the food truck. A couple of roller-skaters were leaning
against the railing that stopped the unwary from falling in the
water, eating burgers and fries. Two other guys were wandering
along the pathway, taking turns drinking from something they had
hidden in a brown paper sack. I ordered two black coffees, one
with all the fixings on the side since I didn’t know how Julian took
his and then, as an afterthought, a bag of cheese snacks—the same
kind I’d been addicted to when I was a teenager.

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“It’s nice down here,” Julian observed as I put everything down

on the bench, then handed him one of the foam cups and a paper
napkin. “The city did a good job. Are the restaurants open all
year?”

“I think so. You want cream, sugar?”
“Black is good. Thanks.”
I offered him the bag of snacks. “Remember these?”
He stared at the bag for a second, then snatched it out of my

hand and gave an ecstatic sigh as he ripped it open. “God! I
haven’t seen these in years. Do they still taste the same?”

“No idea.”
He shoved a handful of the snacks in his mouth, chewed, and

sighed again. “Oh, yesssss! Pure ambrosia. Food fit for the gods.”

“Can I have one?”
“No.” A second handful followed the first. He chewed,

swallowed, and grinned gleefully. “Go get your own.”

“Jeez! I only want one to taste.”
“Oh, okay.”
He extracted one puffed-up crispy orange strip and handed it

over, albeit with some reluctance. The instant I put it in my mouth,
my taste buds exploded with delight at the salty treat. If anything
the damn things tasted even better than I remembered.

“Maybe I will get my own,” I muttered, ignoring Julian’s

laughter as I headed back to the truck. If memory served, this was
one snack with more air in it than calories. And that was a good
thing. If I was going to become re-addicted, and it was a definite
possibility, I wouldn’t have to worry about piling on extra pounds.

It was a nice night for this time of year, but too cool to stand

around for long. Once we finished our coffee and snacks, we
dropped the empties in one of the trash bins and continued on

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along the path.

“So what did you do while you were living in California?” I

asked. “Apart from working in a B&B.”

“Meaning what happened to my dreams of winning an Oscar? I

wondered when you’d get around to asking me that.”

“You don’t have to answer,” I said feeling a twinge of guilt for

my earlier thought about Julian putting on an act.

“Nothing happened that hasn’t happened to thousands of other

hopefuls. After a couple of years attending auditions and getting
nowhere beyond being included in a few crowd scenes, I decided
the fantasy was more fun than the reality. I considered coming
back home to Bayview, but…”

“No one likes admitting failure.”
“That was part of it. But I’d met someone and my life took a

turn in a different direction. It was good while it lasted. Then he
met someone else and put the B&B up for sale. After that, I
worked at different places up and down the coast for a while.” He
hesitated for a moment. “So, what brought you back? The bright
lights of New York not quite as bright as you’d hoped?”

“It wasn’t that. I was doing just fine until the economy took a

dive. I was even in line for a big promotion. Then corporate
failures and mergers became an everyday occurrence. The firm I
was with got scooped up by a multi-national, and I was one of the
victims when they reorganized.”

“So you decided to come back here.”
“I didn’t have much choice. I couldn’t find a decent job of any

kind in New York. Nothing even close to what I had. My parents
had been talking about retiring for a while, so I figured what the
hell, why not give it a try?”

“You think it was a good decision? By that I mean, do enjoy

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what you’re doing?”

“I didn’t at first because my dad had let things go due to his

health problems. Everything needed fixing. Then I had what I
guess you could call a vision, of what The Bayview could be if I
was prepared to work and spend some money. Too bad I had an
unrealistic notion of how far what money I had would stretch.”

“You couldn’t get a bank loan?”
“And risk losing everything if the local tourist industry doesn’t

pick up the way I’m hoping? No way. Instead of getting it all done
before next summer the way I planned, it’s now one step at a time
as spare cash becomes available. I worked at the resort when I was
a kid so I know how to fix a leaky tap and unplug a blocked drain.
Until I see how things go this next year, I won’t be hiring anyone
to do anything I can do myself.”

“What about the cottages? You wouldn’t have hired someone

to paint them?”

“Are you nuts? Do you have any idea what painters charge?”
Julian laughed softly. “No, but I can guess. Lucky for you that I

happened by. Although…”

He stopped walking, and I turned around to find out the reason

for the holdup. “What?”

“If I’d known you were back home, I wouldn’t have come.”
I felt a clutch of panic in the pit of my stomach. I was right.

Any feelings he’d once had for me were long gone. They must be
if he’d wanted to avoid me. “Why’s that?”

“Because…” He glanced down at the ground and shuffled his

feet, then he looked up again and captured my gaze. “High school
was a long time ago, Dev. I never forgot you. I thought about you
often. But things change and so do people. We were on opposite
sides of the country and we both had our lives to live. I hoped

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you’d found someone and were happy. I truly did. I just didn’t
want to know about it. I sure as hell didn’t want to see it.”

The panic I’d experienced a moment ago turned to anger. I

wanted to hit him, hard. For coming back, for giving me hope, for
leading me on. For making me think that if I just bided my time
and was patient… My eyesight blurred and I shoved my clenched
fists into my jacket pockets for safety. How dare he do this to me?
“You never considered I might have had similar thoughts? That I
might still care about you?”

“You do? Really?”
“Yes, really. I haven’t exactly been celibate, but nothing ever

lasted. Why? Because I couldn’t commit to someone else while I
was still in love with you. I wish I could have gotten over it, driven
you out of my system. Believe me, I tried. I tried so fucking hard
for the longest time until I realized there are some things we can’t
just blow off or forget…we have to live with them. Probably
forever. Until death do us part or longer.”

He took a step toward me, but I held up my hands, palms

facing outward, warning him to stay back.

“You were right when you said it wasn’t our time when we

were in high school. We were smart to keep our mouths shut and
our dicks in our pants. If we hadn’t, we both know the world as we
knew it would have rained on our parade big time. They’d have
turned what was fragile and beautiful into something dark and
ugly. Well, I’ve got a newsflash for you, babe. Now isn’t our time
either.

“You’re at a crossroads, trying to decide whether to turn left,

right or continue straight on. I understand all that. For me, my
main focus has to be the resort, at least for now. If I don’t generate
enough cash to turn things around over this next year, I’ll be in the

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same boat as you. I’ll be wondering whether to sell and move on to
something else, or hang in and hope for better days ahead.”

“God, Dev, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
My anger had run its course, leaving me feeling flat and

depressed. “I’m glad you did. I’ve always wondered and now I
know.”

He took a step closer. “Doesn’t do either of us much good,

though, does it?”

I forced a smile. “I wouldn’t say that. If we take out the hope

factor, then we’ll have to stop dreaming and get real. Right?”

“You really think so?”
“No.” I felt ten times more miserable than I had two seconds

ago. “If I thought it would help, I’d say let’s find someplace
private and get it on. But we both know, with the way things are
right now, it would only make it worse. Your life is too unsettled.
You have decisions to make, the kind that don’t happen overnight.
A few weeks from now, depending on what you decide, you could
be miles away. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I won’t settle
for scraps or ask for promises you’re not able to give. I want it all,
babe. The two of us together forever. If I can’t have that, then
forget it.”

Before I could stop him, Julian moved in even closer. He took

my hand and pressed it against his cock. He was every bit as
aroused as I was, and I wondered why he was doing this. Showing
me what I was missing? Trying to convince me to grab what we
wanted while we could?

The next thing I knew, his arms were around me, holding me

tight. His velvety soft lips touched mine, and a shiver ran through
my body. Emotion tightened my throat. I smelled his scent; I felt
the thud of his heartbeat and the wetness of our tears against my

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51

cheek. Suddenly, I understood. Maybe one day we’d get lucky and
have it all. Maybe all we’d ever have was this one special
moment—a simple declaration of love that needed no words.

I have no idea how long we stood there, locked in each other’s

arms. And I have no idea what made us finally step apart. I only
know whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never
to have loved at all, must have been where I was at this exact
moment at least once in his life.

If this was goodbye, and I had a feeling it was, I’d just have to

put him out of my mind and move on.

* * *

Over the next four weeks, I saw very little of Julian. The odd

times he came into the office, we’d exchange a couple of words,
and once or twice we had a coffee together, but that was it. Seeing
him around was painful enough. Until he made up his mind
whether to stay or go, the less I saw of him, the better.

The good weather held just long enough for Julian to paint the

outsides of the cottages. The day he finished the last one and
moved inside, the wind picked up, the temperature dropped below
zero and the weather channel forecast included snow.

I’d seen a few people poking around what was left of his

grandfather’s house. Whether they were potential buyers or
renovators checking the viability of turning it into a B&B, I had no
idea, and Julian didn’t say. I figured he’d tell me when he was
ready and not before.

By the end of November, business at the resort was booming,

even better than I’d hoped and that was a big plus. By
concentrating on my plans to upgrade the whole place, it kept my

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52

thoughts of Julian and our emotional moment down by the harbor
to a minimum. I’d turned the three TV/social activity rooms into
party rooms for the winter season. I’d advertised the new party
service locally and within the first week all three rooms were fully
booked, right up to Christmas Eve, with a waiting list for
cancellations.

During one of my mom’s weekly calls, she told me they’d

decided to stay in Florida for the holidays and wanted to know if
I’d like to join them. I pleaded pressure of business due to the party
bookings, but the truth was two-fold: if Julian moved on, I’d be
lousy company; if he stayed, I’d be over the moon, wanting us to
spend every second together.

In the meantime, I was still living at home. I’d looked at

several apartments, but I couldn’t make a decision. Not until Julian
made his.

The first day in December, I’d been home just long enough to

turn on the TV and pour myself a drink when I heard the doorbell.
I opened it to find Julian standing on the step, his shoulders
hunched against the cold and a light dusting of snow on his dark
hair.

“I know it’s late, but can I come in?”
My nerves tightened and I hesitated. I knew this was it…that

he’d come to tell me what he’d decided. If it was bad news, the
sooner we got it over with, the better. I beckoned him inside. “Do I
want to hear this?”

His smile gave me hope, but I could also see he was tense and

it scared me. “That will be up to you.”

I took his jacket and hung it in the hall closet. “You want a

drink?”

“Sure. Whatever you’re having is fine.”

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

53

I led the way into the living room and turned down the TV.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

Julian chose one of the easy chairs. I fixed a second scotch over

ice, handed it to him, then picked up my own drink and sat down
on another chair across from him. I wanted to say, if this is a
goodbye visit, make it fast and get the fuck out of my face. At one
time I would have said it, but not now. Having him here in the
same room, a hand’s touch away, even if it was only for as long as
it took him to finish his drink was too special for me to destroy
with words I’d regret.

Instead, I smiled and said, “So, what’s happening?”
“I’m on the last cottage. I’ll be all finished either tomorrow or

the next day.”

“You’re welcome to stay on in the unit for as long as you need.

You know that, right?”

“Thanks.” He put his untouched drink on a side table and

leaned forward in the chair, his arms resting on his thighs.
“Remember what you said about money not stretching as far as
you’d hoped?”

“What about it?” I wanted to ask him to forget the details and

cut to the chase. Was he staying, going, what?

“I’ve had estimates from three different renovation companies

to turn the house into a B&B and all their prices are astronomical.”

“And?”
“What I got from the insurance company was fair and more

than adequate if I wanted to fix the place up and live there myself.
But it doesn’t even start to cover the cost of what I had in mind. I
could rent a truck and haunt construction scrap yards for usable
bits and pieces and do some of the work myself, but that’s not
really a good idea. Maybe I’d save a few bucks and maybe not.

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

54

The only other alternative would be to go with the cheapest of the
cheapest on everything from flooring to bathroom tiles to checking
out Goodwill for furniture, and there’s no way I’m doing that. I
want an upscale B&B, not some sleazy rooming house that would
need fixing every five minutes.”

“Why not make it habitable for now, get a job and do the rest in

stages?” I took a sip of my drink. “Just a suggestion,” I added,
doing my best to appear relaxed.

“I considered that. One, I don’t have the experience to do much

of the work myself, and two, with the job market the way it is, it
would take forever. The good news is, even in its present
condition, the property is worth far more than I realized, so I’ve
decided to sell. One of the renovators said his family has outgrown
their place. He’s been looking for a fixer-upper, and was I
interested? I was hesitant at first, but he mentioned a price and it
was such a shock I almost swallowed my tongue. I figured if he
was offering me that kind of money as a starting point…”

“Ten to one he was low-balling you.”
“Exactly. I said I’d think about it and get back to him. I

checked prices for the surrounding area and discovered lakefront
properties are way more than I realized. The real estate agent I
spoke with was a guy I used to know from the neighborhood. He
said most buyers are more interested in the land than the house.
Rather than renovate, they take down whatever’s there and rebuild
to order.”

“Did he give you any indication of price?”
“He said my location made it worth triple what I’d been

offered. If I wanted him to handle the listing, he might even get me
more. I told him to go ahead and I signed the agreement. I then
called the renovator and said if he still wanted to buy, he’d have to

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

55

go through my agent.”

“Cool.” I hesitated, forcing myself to contemplate the melting

ice cubes in my drink rather than give in to panic. “And this means
what, you plan to take the money and run?”

“No. I plan to take it and stay.”
I wanted to rush over and hug him, but I controlled the urge.

“And do what?”

“My first thought was to buy a suitable property in a cheaper

location and continue with my plans for a B&B. I mentioned the
idea to Tom Barkin, the real estate guy.”

“That the same Tom Barkin we went to school with?”
“That’s him. He said there’s already more than enough B&Bs

in the area and, from what he’s heard, none of them are doing that
well. He had several properties that were possibilities, but he
suggested I check out the competition first.”

“You should be able to get a list from the tourist office or city

hall.”

“I already did.” Julian frowned, reached for his drink and

downed half of it in one go. “And Tom was right. The last thing
this area needs is another B&B. If some other opportunity comes
up later, fine, but for now, I’ve found myself a job.”

If Julian planned to surprise me, he’d succeeded. “A job?”
“I’ll invest whatever I get from the house in something safe.

Then, if the job doesn’t work out, I can live on the income.”

“What kind of job?”
“Managing the new menswear store in the mall. I saw the ad

and went in and applied. I start on Monday. It’ll give me
something to do while I wait for the house to sell.”

“You have retail experience?”
Julian shrugged and finished the rest of his drink. “I have a

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

56

little experience in a lot of things. After I gave up on the acting, I
traveled around California, catching the waves and going from one
job to the next. I was ready to settle down when I heard my
grandfather had left me the house, and since I figured it was safe
for me to come home…”

“Safe?”
He laughed. “You bet. The last I’d heard, you were safely out

of the way, living and working in New York.”

“Or so you thought.” Just knowing Julian planned to stay

around made me want to scream yesssss at the top of my voice. I
warned myself to cool it. If this was a movie, even I knew what
was supposed to happen next. But this was real, maybe the most
important moment of my life, and I didn’t have a clue. I knew what
I wanted and I thought Julian wanted the same, but without some
indication from him that we were both on the same wavelength…
Feeling as confused as I’d been the night of our prom, I tried to
ignore my aching dick and pointed at his empty glass. “You want
another?”

“No, thanks.” He captured my gaze. “What I want is you.”
He came over to my chair, grasped both my hands and pulled

me to my feet.

I’d lived, slept and dreamed about this moment for most of my

life, yet I felt as nervous as a cat and my heart was pounding like
crazy. I took a deep breath. “This your way of telling me it’s
finally our time?”

“It’s what I want. I hope you still do, too.” He frowned and

rubbed the pad of his thumb along my bottom lip. “I’m sorry it
took me so long to figure things out. I wanted to be sure whatever I
decided would be right for both of us, and that’s the truth. If you
think I’m just making excuses and want to tell me to go straight to

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

57

hell, be my guest. I’ll understand.”

“No. It’s been a rough time for both of us.” I took his hand and

pressed it against my cheek. “My room’s just down the hall,
second door on your right. Give me a minute to lock up and I’ll be
right there.”

* * *

Julian had switched on the lamp and was on his back under the

covers with his eyes closed. His clothes were draped over the
chair. I dropped mine on top. Taking a handful of condoms from
the nightstand drawer, I tucked them under one of the pillows,
lifted the duvet and slid in beside him. After hearing about
someone I knew being infected with HIV, I was totally freaky on
the subject of protection. One stupid chance was all it took.

I laid my head on Julian’s chest and ran a hand over the smooth

skin of his impressive washboard stomach. Then I stroked his
equally impressive hard-on. “Wow!” I murmured. “This for me?”

“Your hands are cold.”
“I’m cold all over. But you know what they say about cold

hands.”

“No. What?”
“Cold hands, hot mouth.”
“Oh, yeah?” Julian’s muscles tensed and he gave a quick burst

of laughter. “You willing to give me a little proof of that?”

“I might be.” I put my arms around him, fitting my body to his.

“But how about a cuddle first?”

“You want me to warm you up?”
“That, too, but I’m having trouble convincing myself this is

real and not a dream. Unless you have a better idea how we can do

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

58

that.”

“Not offhand. I could use a little convincing myself, so I

suggest we take it real slow and easy.” He lifted my chin and
kissed me on the mouth, his tongue sliding between my lips in a
gentle but very persistent assault that sent my senses reeling. Then
he moved down the bed a little and began kissing and licking my
neck.

He wriggled down even farther, his fingers rubbing my nipples,

while his tongue investigated my belly button. I was well aroused
even before I got into bed, but when he abandoned my nipples in
favor of my cock, I almost came on the spot.

“Hey! I thought we voted for slow and easy.”
“I changed my mind.” He threw back the covers and got

himself into position, stroking the insides of my thighs until I
spread my legs wide. “You have a condom handy?”

I took one of the packages I’d stashed under the pillow and

handed it to him. I watched as he ripped through the foil with his
teeth and quickly rolled the protection down over my arousal a
whole lot faster and smoother than I could have done even on my
best day.

I wondered if his dexterity was natural or the result of practice,

decided I didn’t want to go there, and then forgot about it as he
wrapped his hands and lips around my dick and sucked me into his
mouth.

I pushed my fingers through his hair, holding him in place as I

urged him on and prayed I could stay the course.

He started slowly, tiny licks and sucks, building my desire in

small increments I could handle. I closed my eyes and held on
tight, feasting on the fantastic feelings that rolled through me in
waves. I knew it would be good between us if we ever made it this

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

59

far, but this was way beyond good. This was fucking fabulous.

Once he’d taken as much of me as he could accommodate, he

pushed my control to the limit by alternately sucking me and
squeezing my balls. I was ready to explode, positive I couldn’t last
another second, but then he added another dimension by releasing
my balls and pushing the tip of his finger into my butt hole.

“Jeeeeeezus!” I yelled. “You trying to kill me?”
With his mouth full of my cock, he responded with an extra

powerful suck that had me seeing stars and then, for good measure,
shoved the full length of his finger up my ass. I didn’t stand a
chance. I exploded like a force ten gale.

Julian laughed and rolled over onto his back, while I collapsed

against the pillow, struggling to get myself and my thoughts back
up to speed.

“That was good, hmm?”
“It was okay,” I allowed.
“Just okay?”
I opened my eyes and let my gaze travel from the smile

tweaking his lips down the length of his body to where his long-
fingered hands were having a great time playing with his big, stiff
cock. Oh, my, oh my! I closed my eyes and opened them again. He
was big, really b-i-g. If he wanted to stick that bad boy up my ass
instead of his finger, I was more than ready to talk business. “You
need help with that?”

“You offering?”
I nodded and swallowed hard, feeling my own member begin

stirring into action again Shit! I was never up and ready to go again
this fast.

He reached over and gave my very willing penis a little

encouragement to stand up straight. “What will it be, your hot

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

60

mouth or your tight little ass?”

I swallowed again. His beautiful dark eyes were so hot and

sexy my chest tightened. I loved him so damn much I’d give him
whatever he wanted. I’d do it standing on my head if that was his
pleasure. “You saying you want to fuck me?” I’d done it a few
times with the guy I’d lived with in New York, and I’d liked it, a
lot.

“I want very much to do exactly that, but only if you’re

willing.”

I searched under the pillow and found another condom. “If it’s

as good as what—”

He grinned as he leaned over and traced the outline of my

mouth with his tongue. “According to you, that was just okay.
This, I promise, will be spectacular. You have lube?”

I found the tube at the bottom of my sock drawer where it had

been since I came back home. I glanced again at his fully loaded
cock. “Go easy. It’s been a while.”

He squirted a shot of lube in my hole and a little on himself,

then used his fingers to loosen the muscle. He took his time and
when I was ready, he hooked my legs over his shoulders and
entered me in one slow, smooth motion. I felt both filled and
fulfilled. As he began to pump, I stroked his balls. Then, when he
found his rhythm, I grasped his ass cheeks and let him take us on
the ride of our lives.

For a guy who weighed no more than a hundred and sixty

pounds max, his energy and the power of his thrusts took my
breath away. This was something I could get used to.

I felt him hesitate, then his whole body tensed. I was almost

there, too. Right on the edge. I grasped my cock and rubbed hard to
help things along. He came and two seconds later, I followed.

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61

I flopped back against the pillows. I was tired, completely

exhausted and my mouth was dry as a bone. “You want to
something to drink? Beer, soda, water?”

“As soon as I’ve been to the bathroom. Soda would be good.”
I beat Julian to the bathroom. Then, while he was in there, I

detoured to the kitchen and found us a couple of cold colas.

I drank about half of mine and put the can down on the

nightstand.

I remember Julian saying, “’Night, babe,” and me saying the

same back. And I remember him wrapping an arm around my
waist and pulling me into his body so we resembled a couple of
spoons in the cutlery drawer. Then I must have blanked out.

* * *

I awoke just as it was starting to get light. I was alone in the

bed, but I noticed the bedroom door was wide open and I could
hear the shower running. I could also hear someone, presumably
Julian, singing an old CCR tune very loudly and completely off-
key.

I slipped out of bed, hurried across the hall and peeked around

the shower curtain. “Hey! What’s all the racket?”

“Good morning to you, too.” Taking my hand, he drew me

under the spray and gave me a lingering kiss that involved a fair
amount of tongue. “Sleep well?”

“Like a log.” I stroked his cock, loving the way it responded to

my touch.

He began to stroke me, too, and I remembered, belatedly, this

was the family bathroom and my supply of condoms was in my
bedroom. I definitely needed to find a place of my own, and find it

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

62

soon.

I wrapped an arm around Julian’s neck and pulled him in close,

then slipped my tongue between his lips for a quick game of
tongue tango.

We began pumping each other hard and fast. This was a

quickie in every sense of the word. I came first, and he came a
moment later.

After we’d finished showering and got dressed, I made a pot of

coffee and poured us each a cup. “I usually grab breakfast at the
coffee shop. That work for you?”

“Whatever.”
I turned away to dump the coffee grounds in the trash, and he

wrapped his arms around me from behind. “What are you doing for
Christmas?”

“Nothing special. My parents are in Florida. They asked if I

wanted to join them, but I said no.”

“Because?”
“Partly because this is my parents’ house, and I need to find my

own place before they get back. But mostly because I hoped I’d be
spending it with you.”

He kissed the sensitive spot on my neck. The one just below

my ear.

“I love you, Dev. I guess I always have.”
I turned into the circle of his arms and hugged him tight. “I

know. I love you, too.”

“Forever and ever?”
“Forever and ever plus a week.”
“I thought it was plus a day.”
“I like my version better.”

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ANYTHING YOU CAN DO

63

* * *

That afternoon, Julian and I went apartment hunting and found

what we wanted in an older building just two blocks from the
motel.

From then on, every spare minute we had was spent picking out

furniture and arguing over styles and colors. Somehow, though, we
managed to get everything done in time to move in on Christmas
Eve.

Chef Ricky had prepared a special dinner for us and delivered

it personally—it was currently keeping warm in the oven, and I’d
picked up a bottle of the best champagne I could find.

Julian popped the cork on the champagne and poured us each a

glass.

He raised his glass, smiling at me over the rim. “Here’s to us.

Forever and ever plus a month.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I thought we left that anything-

you-can-do-I-can-do-better shit behind when we graduated high
school.”

“No way. Not a chance.” We clinked glasses, then Julian

smiled and ran his tongue slowly along his upper lip. “I’ll prove it
you later, once we’re in bed.”

“Oh, yeah.”
“You think I can’t?”
“No idea. But there’s one sure way of finding out.”

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C

HRISTIANE

F

RANCE


Christiane truly believes that love makes the world go round, so
she likes stories with both happy and bittersweet endings.
Christiane has been writing romance for the past twenty years and
lives near Niagara Falls with her husband and The Boys—two
black and white Persian cats.

* * *

Don’t miss Blues In The Night

by Christiane France,

available at AmberAllure.com!


To celebrate their reunion after a six-month work-related
separation, Alain and his partner James have planned to meet up
for the perfect dream vacation. When James calls with what Alain
expects to be details of his arrival time at the first stop on their
itinerary, James says he won’t be joining him. He’s met someone
new, the temporary assignment has turned into a permanent job,
and sorry, but their relationship is over.

Alain leaves the hotel, hoping the sights and sounds of the city will
help distract him from the shock of James’ desertion, maybe stop
him from trying to figure out ways of changing the unchangeable.
As evening turns to night, he continues walking, up one street and

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down the next until music drifting up from a basement nightclub
catches his attention. The singer’s voice is distinctive, different,
and it sounds like Kenny Dumaine, a man Alain met in his
hometown a couple of years ago.

Kenny doesn’t remember him at first. But Alain is drinking heavily,
and when he mentions what sounds like a romance gone wrong,
Kenny recalls the circumstances of their first meeting. Alain had
helped him out of a bad spot, and now it looks like he needs the
favor returned. Kenny was attracted to Alain first time around, and
although things never turned physical, that hasn’t changed. As an
entertainer, always on the move, he’s learned to keep things
casual. His last performance is the following night, and the next
day he’ll be gone. Where’s the harm in offering an old
acquaintance a little badly needed TLC?

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A

MBER

Q

UILL

P

RESS

,

LLC

T

HE

G

OLD

S

TANDARD IN

P

UBLISHING

Q

UALITY

B

OOKS

I

N

B

OTH

P

RINT AND

E

LECTRONIC

F

ORMATS

A

CTION

/A

DVENTURE

S

USPENSE

/T

HRILLER

S

CIENCE

F

ICTION

D

ARK

F

ANTASY

M

AINSTREAM

R

OMANCE

H

ORROR

E

ROTICA

F

ANTASY

GLBT

W

ESTERN

M

YSTERY

P

ARANORMAL

H

ISTORICAL



B

UY

D

IRECT

A

ND

S

AVE

www.AmberQuill.com

www.AmberHeat.com

www.AmberAllure.com


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