Sometimes You Just Know | Kate Sherwood

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CHAPTER ONE

Justin isn't really all that interested in the horse. It's the rider he came

to see. He can feel Wendy almost vibrating with frustration beside him,
and he knows his mother is doing her best to calm her down. There's no
point in exploding, and they all have reputations to protect. Well, Justin
and Molly have reputations to protect; Wendy hasn't got much other than
her pride, and it's taken a beating lately.

The horse and rider in question are at the far end of the ring, and

Justin can't get a really good look at either of them. The horse is moving
well, he can tell from a distance—not spectacular, but solid. The rider is
barely noticeable, which is as it should be.

Everything is as it should be, and Justin wouldn't be paying any

special attention, but Wendy is an old friend of his mother's, and she'd
asked for help.

He feels a sharp elbow in his ribs and hears Wendy frantically

hissing, "There she is! The blonde, the tall one—looks like butter wouldn't
melt in her mouth…." Wendy's sneer is only a little melodramatic.

The blonde calls the rider over to her, and Justin sees them confer.

They certainly don't seem too familiar with each other, but if Wendy is
right, they've been working together for at least half a year. Justin sighs
inwardly. Even if Wendy is right, he's not sure what they can do.
According to Wendy, she'd bought a horse from the blonde after seeing it
perform well with its current rider. The blonde (Carol, Justin's memory
supplies) had said that the rider was untrained and inexperienced; if the
horse could do well with him, surely he would do well with a rider as
talented as Wendy. And the horse had seemed good when Wendy rode it
that day. He was little green, maybe, a little wild, but Carol had been quick
to explain that the horse was just picking up on Wendy's own nerves, and
that it hadn't been exercised much lately so it was a little hyper, and….

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Wendy had trailed off after a while in embarrassment. It hadn't taken long
after getting the horse home for Wendy to realize that she had been sold a
horse with hardly any training and an attitude problem as well. She hadn't
wanted to tell exactly how much she'd spent, but her reticence made it
clear that the horse was no bargain.

Justin thinks it seems like shady dealings, but he's not sure there was

anything actually illegal about it. It seems like the rider is a bit better than
Carol had let on, but it's not like there's a precise system for measuring
rider quality, so how can they prove that Carol lied? Justin really doesn't
know what they're hoping to accomplish with their little intervention, but
Wendy and Molly are intent, and it's rarely a good idea to get in their way.

So Wendy steps back a little and Justin and Molly step forward,

Molly taking the lead as they walk towards the pair by the horse. As they
approach, Carol looks up and notices them, and she smiles warmly. Even
knowing what he knows about her sales technique, Justin feels himself
being taken in. But the draw to Carol is nothing compared to the way he
feels when he gets his first good look at the rider.

The man is absolutely beautiful. Strong, lean body, expressive green

eyes, lush lips… Justin has to call himself back fairly sharply. Both the
rider and Carol obviously use their looks as a way to distract potential
buyers, and Justin shouldn't let that happen to him. Still, he catches
himself sneaking another look at the man. Damn.

His mother stretches a hand forwards to the blonde. "Carol? I'm

Molly Archer; this is my son Justin. He's the one we're shopping for. It's
so rare to find a young man interested in his mother's hobbies, so I like to
encourage him however I can!" Justin hadn't been sure about this strategy;
his family has been working with horses, in its own small way, since
before he was born, so it's entirely possible that Carol will have heard of
them. So pretending that they're neophytes and that this is all just a hobby
seems a little risky. But Wendy and Molly had both agreed that Carol
wouldn't try the trick if she knew that she was dealing with professional
trainers, so….

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Justin extends his own hand. "It's great to meet you. And what I saw

looked really good. He's beautiful." Justin's eyes cut involuntarily to the
rider, and he clarifies, "The horse." Yeah, that was smooth.

Carol doesn't seem to notice. "Well, I think you'll be really pleased

with Magic. He's a thoroughbred, off the track, so that means he loves to
run! But we've got him trained to keep it in check when he needs to." She
gestures for the first time at the man standing next to her. "My trainer
couldn't make it, but… Dan's new to all this, only been riding for a few
months, really, and you saw how well they did together."

So there it is. There's the lie that turns all this from something

unethical to something illegal. But what exactly do Molly and Wendy
think is going to happen now? There's no hidden camera, no police
officers waiting to swoop down on the pair. There's nothing but two angry
women and Justin.

Molly doesn't seem to be ready to call things off quite yet. "Oh,

really, he's a new rider? I never would have guessed! Things seemed to be
going so smoothly."

Carol nods and smiles. "That's the beauty of this horse! He's called

Magic for a reason; I honestly don't know how he does it." She pauses.
"Now, there may be a bit of an adjustment period. Part of what makes the
horse so wonderful is how sensitive he is to his rider; it's like he's reading
their minds! But it takes a while for him to figure each new rider out. Dan
rode him yesterday, and it really wasn't pretty. Magic was excitable and
didn't really seem to understand what Dan wanted. But they both slept on
it, and they came back, and…." She shrugs. "Well, you saw how they
looked."

Justin looks over at the rider to see if he's backing this story up, but

he can't catch his eye. He doesn't seem bashful or ashamed,
just…disinterested, really. Justin wonders if that's part of the act. After all,
an exercise rider wouldn't really care too much about a prospective sale.

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Molly wants more than that, though. "Dan, is it?" She walks over to

the horse, and Dan obligingly swings off its back. "So you haven't been
riding for long, Dan?"

Dan looks at her, then at his watch. "'Bout half an hour, maybe." He

leans around her and holds the reins out to Justin. "You going up?"

Molly shifts a little so she's in between the two men. "I didn't mean

today, Dan. I meant in your life. How long have you been riding horses, in
your life?" The question is much too pointed, and Justin can see Carol
realize that Molly's on to them. He doesn't see any reaction from Dan,
though.

"I don't know—a while." Dan leans again, finding Justin's eyes. "If

you're not sure you're up for it, I could put him on a lead rope or
something…."

And that's more a challenge than Justin is ready to walk away from.

"No, I think I'll be okay, thanks." He steps forward and collects the reins.
"Lengthen the stirrup on the far side, will you?" He glances at the other
man. He's not short, but he's not as tall as Justin, and there doesn't seem to
be a man alive that likes having that sort of thing pointed out to him. "I'd
say about three holes, wouldn't you?"

Dan doesn't react to that either, just moves around and starts on the

stirrup. Molly intervenes. "Well, Justin, I'm not sure you need to actually
ride him…"

Carol agrees. "Yeah, he might not be quite what you're looking for."

Now that she knows that Molly isn't going to fall for the scheme, she
seems ready to get out of there.

But there's something else going on now, something between Justin

and Dan. Justin isn't quite sure what it is, but he's not going to be the one
to break it off. "Well, we came all this way—I might as well give him a
try."

Neither Carol nor Molly can object to that without giving a reason,

and neither one seems quite willing to admit that they both know what's
going on, so they step back and Dan moves to Magic's head. He nods a

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little at Justin, and quietly says, "You need to ride him a lot from your
seat. Don't tighten up the reins or he'll take off. He can't stay collected for
more than a few strides yet, but he's scopey as hell and he's fast."

Justin's taken off guard. That sounded less like a scam and more like

an honest assessment of a green horse with some potential. He nods to
show that he understands, but he's so preoccupied with trying to figure out
the other man's goals that he automatically gathers his reins as he mounts.
Magic starts away, but Dan catches his head and lets Justin get a better
seat. Justin looks down a little embarrassedly, and Dan grins at him.
"Yeah, I meant don't tighten up the reins."

Justin's too lost in the smile to come up with a good response. He

just nods, and Dan steps aside so that Magic can move forward. Justin
follows Dan's advice and lets the horse get comfortable with his new rider,
and then asks for a trot. By the time they're half way around the ring,
Justin has come to the conclusion that Dan isn't just a competent rider, he's
excellent. The horse is almost more than Justin can handle, and Dan had
made it all look so smooth. He remembers the other man's advice and
loosens the reins a little more, using his weight to communicate with the
animal, and that helps.

They finally make it to a canter, and Justin is again impressed that

Dan had been able to control the horse. It had seemed effortless, but Justin
knows now that it clearly wasn't. He circles a few times, then takes the
horse to a low cross-pole jump. Justin feels the horse's muscles gather,
feels him launch them far above the railings, landing way out on the other
side. The horse is balanced immediately, ready to run, and Justin almost
laughs out loud. Is this what Dan had been trying to tell him? Or is he
putting too much weight on a few little words?

He circles the horse around and targets another jump, a little higher

this time, and again Magic clears it easily. Justin canters past Dan, and
they're going pretty fast, but Justin could swear he sees Dan raise his
eyebrows a little and shake his head. Justin thinks for a second, and then
he tightens up on the reins. Magic surges forwards, tossing his head in

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excitement, and Justin tightens up a little more, as if trying to bring the
horse back to the trot. He circles a few times, bringing them in tighter and
tighter, until Magic finally has no choice but to slow down a little. As soon
as it's safe, Justin jumps off, landing on his feet and breaking into a jog
right away to keep up. But once the rider's off his back, Magic is calm,
and Justin is able to lead him over to where the others are standing.

Justin isn't really sure how to play this. Wendy has joined the party,

and she and Molly are berating the increasingly flustered Carol and totally
impassive Dan. When Justin gets close enough, Dan gives him a
questioning look, and Justin responds with a slight eyebrow raise as he
hands the reins to the other man.

Molly waves her hand at Justin. "Justin's an excellent rider, and he

could barely handle the beast! You've obviously been running this scam
for quite a while, pretending that your boyfriend can't ride…"

The 'boyfriend' catches Justin's attention. Lord knows they'd make a

good looking couple, but Justin hasn't sensed any real rapport. Unless his
own connection with Dan has all just been part of the scam, a second-
wave of deception for those who see past the first attempt. But they
couldn't fake jumping ability like that. He decides to take the chance.

"I can ride him, mom." Justin tries to sound a little petulant. He

hopes that Molly picks up on the act but that Carol doesn't. He's really not
sure if he's doing this right. "I mean, obviously he's barely trained, so the
price is outrageous, but…I can do it."

Molly looks flabbergasted, as does Wendy. Molly speaks first.

"What are you talking about, Justin? That's not why we came here…"

"But you think I can't do it." He nods a little towards Dan. "He thinks

I can't do it." Now for a little more drama. "You all treat me like I'm still a
kid, and try to protect me all the time." Justin hopes that the falseness of
that statement will be a clear enough signal to Molly, letting her know that
he's up to something. "I'm tired of it. Obviously the horse is crap, but that
doesn't mean I can't ride it. It doesn't mean I can't make something out of
him…."

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"Justin, please. You know we just want you to be safe." Justin wants

to hug her. She's caught on. Wendy, on the other hand, looks like her
head's about to pop off. Dan quietly walks away, going to cool off the
horse, but Justin wishes he would stay. He wants Dan to see what he's
about to do. He has a feeling it's going to be worth remembering.

"Yeah, well, I'm tired of it." He turns to Carol. "Okay, yeah, they're

mad about your little trick, whatever. We both know you probably paid a
few grand for the horse a couple weeks ago. I'll offer you five grand right
now."

Carol tries to look indignant. "The asking price is twenty thousand

dollars."

Justin shakes his head. "Yeah, but you're not going to get that. Not

from us, obviously, and not from anyone else in Kentucky once the two of
them start talking. Not from anyone in any of the neighbouring states,
either, I expect. A scam like this can only last for so long, right? Before
word gets out?" Justin shrugs, trying to look philosophical. "So, the word's
out. And you're stuck with a horse that you won't be able to sell at the
asking price or at any other price, with the reputation you're going to get.
I'm just saying I'll take him off your hands for five grand."

Wendy grabs Justin's arm. "Justin, what are you doing? Why are you

helping her out? She sold me that worthless creature! She tricked me!"

Molly gives Justin a frustrated look, then rubs Wendy's arm

soothingly. "Come on, sweetie. We've got what we came for. If Justin
wants to play games, that's his choice." She shakes her head. "But it's your
money, Justin. This is your baby."

"Fine, yeah." He waits until they leave, trying to look impatient

rather than nervous. Once they're gone, he turns back to Carol. "Uh, yeah,
that changes things a bit. If it's my own money, I've got, uh…four grand."
He's not sure if Molly was serious about it being his money, and he knows
he's got more than enough to cover his earlier offer, but he's kind of
getting into this conning thing. It's fun.

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"Four grand." Justin can't read her expression. Her voice

sounds…grumpy? Which makes sense, really—five minute ago she'd been
hoping to get twenty thousand for this horse, and now she's being offered
four. He guesses the fact that she sounds annoyed rather than amused is a
sign that she's taking the offer seriously. "For that horse? Are you kidding
me?"

"No, not really. That's what I've got. I don't think you're going to get

a better offer. But it's up to you, obviously." Justin's already seen the vet
report on the horse, knows that he's sound and healthy, so four thousand is
a good offer for an untrained horse. If Justin's right about the horse's
potential, the price is very low, but Justin has a feeling that Carol doesn't
know about the potential. He has a feeling that Dan hasn't told her; Justin
really has no idea what that means, and even less idea what it means that
Dan seemed to want Justin to find out.

Carol looks like she's eaten something unpleasant. "Well, I'll need to

think about that…."

"But I thought you were on your way out of town? When you were

speaking to my mother, you said that we'd just caught you, you were on
your way out of town and if we wanted the horse we had to take it today."
Justin really doesn't expect her to care about this. The scam is obviously
exposed, but still, it seems worth a try. "We brought the trailer today, and
it was quite a drive. I don't want to come back when you've decided that
you want to sell." He leans in a little, tries to sound less confident. "And,
honestly, once my mother starts in on me about what a bad idea this is… I
doubt the offer's going to be on the table for long, you know?" He pulls
back, and glances over to where Dan is walking the horse. "I don't know
what I'm thinking, really. I mean, he's worse than green, isn't he, because
he's got some really bad habits…." Justin shakes his head. "You know
what? I really don't need the headache. Nevermind…." And he makes
himself turn to leave. He's taken a few steps and is just about to kick
himself for misplaying the situation when he hears Carol speak.

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"Wait. Four thousand? I honestly…" She sounds defeated. "I

honestly can't do four thousand. I paid that for him, and I had to pay for
the vet check, and boarding him for a month, and riding fees…"

Justin thinks about it for a second, and is about to offer a little more,

and then he remembers Wendy's experience with this woman. "Yeah, okay
then, I guess I can't buy him. I only have the four thousand." He turns to
walk away again, and again she speaks up. This time she sounds angry.

"Fine. Four thousand, done. I've had enough of this crap."
Justin doesn't really know what crap she's talking about, and doesn't

bother to ask. "Okay, four thousand." He extends his hand, and she shakes
it with a distinct lack of grace. "My bank has a branch in town—I can be
back in twenty minutes with cash."

"Yeah, fine. And you load him up and take him with you today, or

else you pay for his damn board." She looks around the stable yard in
disgust.

Justin follows her eyes, assessing the stable set-up. It's not high

class, but it's clean and tidy, and there's nothing that makes it unsuitable or
unsafe for horses. If he was looking for somewhere to board a horse, he
could do worse. It makes Justin wonder what Carol and Dan are really up
to. If they were total scammers, they probably should have chosen a
ritzier-looking place, somewhere that would appeal to their target
audience. Or somewhere cheaper, so they could save their money. This
place looks like a good place for someone who cares about horses but is
on a tight budget.

Justin calls his attention back to the matter at hand. "No, we can take

him with us. I'll be back soon." He heads out towards the cars, and finds
Molly and Wendy waiting in the parking lot. Wendy looks confused,
Molly amused. Molly speaks first.

"So, that was a bit of a deviation from the plan…." She waits for an

explanation.

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"Yeah, sorry, it's just…." He looks over his shoulder to see if

anyone's listening. "Uh, I've got to go into town. Can we talk as we
drive?"

Molly nods and they all pile into the pickup. It's slow driving with a

horse trailer, but Wendy had thought it was important to have it as a prop,
a way to show that they were serious. She seems aggravated to think that
it's going to be put to an actual purpose.

Justin backs up carefully, and then they're out on the road and he

takes a moment to put his thoughts in order. "So, the horse… I offered her
four grand, she said she'd take it."

Wendy frowns. "The horse she was asking twenty thousand for?

She's going to give it to you for four?" She seems to realize the
implications of this. "Does that mean that Wellington… I should only
have paid four thousand for him?"

Justin looks at his mother, who shrugs. She tries to answer the

question, assuming rightly that she'll be a little more gentle than Justin.
Even so, it's not an easy thing to hear, Justin expects. "Sweetie…you
probably shouldn't have paid anything for Wellington. He's…he's got nice
coloring and a pretty face, but he's really not much of a horse." She makes
a bit of a face. "I really wish you'd taken my advice."

Wendy makes a dismissive gesture with her hand. "Oh, those horses

you were showing me! They were ugly old plugs! And when I wanted one
of your own horses, you wouldn't sell it to me!"

"That's not quite true. I just said you weren't ready for her yet."
"So, someday, maybe I could be special enough for your baby?

Come on!"

Justin can see how Carol and Dan manage to make their scam work.

There are a lot of people in the horse world who have more money than
sense. He seems to have one of them in his back seat.

Molly doesn't bother to respond to her friend, turning instead to

Justin. "So, you think the horse has potential?"

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Justin nods emphatically. "Absolutely. He's green, but…" He

remembers Dan's words. "He's scopey as hell, and he's fast." Justin
wonders again why the other man had seemingly wanted Justin to try the
horse. He really doesn't see how it could be a trick; four thousand dollars
is a low price for what Justin thinks he's getting, but it's a fair price even if
the horse never really amounts to anything.

Justin's mother sometimes has an uncanny ability to read his mind.

"So this has nothing to do with that handsome man who was riding him?
You aren't just being taken in by a pretty face, are you?"

It's lucky that Justin has already had this argument with himself, so

his response is quick and sure. "Four thousand is a good price." He turns a
little to look at Wendy. "And if the horse works out, then four thousand is
a steal of a deal, so you'll be getting a bit of revenge on them that way."

They continue into town, and Justin has another moment of doubt

when he has to sign for the cash, but he remembers the horse's explosive
power over the jump, and signs. He's fidgety and anxious on the drive
back, and his mother gives him a few strange looks. True, he doesn't
normally use his own money to buy horses, but it's all family money, and
he's certainly been involved in much bigger sales than this one. He thinks
she suspects that his tension has more to do with the other rider than the
horse, and he has to admit, at least to himself, that she may be right.

His suspicion is confirmed when they get to the barn and it's Carol

who's standing by Magic's side, holding his lead rope. Dan is nowhere to
be seen, and Justin's stomach drops a little. He tries to dismiss the feeling,
but the excitement of the deal has drained away, and he finishes the
transaction with much less enthusiasm. He's got Magic loaded and they're
ready to go, but he finds himself reluctant to give up altogether. He
excuses himself, and ducks into the barn, ostensibly to use the bathroom,
but he takes the opportunity to look around. No sign of Dan, but Carol
does catch him.

"He's gone," she says, a trace of amusement in her voice. "And I

have no idea where to, so I couldn't help you even if I wanted."

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Justin doesn't see any point in pretending. "Can you get a message to

him, do you think?"

Carol quirks an eyebrow. Now that the paperwork is signed and the

money's in her pocket, she seems to be happy to show a little attitude. "Do
you really have anything to say that you think he hasn't heard before?
Hell, every buyer we get wants into my pants or into his…what makes you
special?" She comes a little closer. "I'm not saying you're not nice to look
at, but a boy like Dan…he's got enough good looks on his own. I really
think he's looking for something a little more…rewarding…from his
lovers."

"Yeah? Is that your rule too? Or is it just yours, and you're projecting

it onto him?"

"Projecting? Oooh, pop psychology! How impressive!" She's clearly

enjoying the opportunity to get some revenge. "If you want to imagine him
as the pure, misunderstood virgin lured into a tawdry life…hey, it's your
fantasy." She smiles a little as she runs a hand lightly along Justin's
shoulder. "But don't forget why you came here. Don't forget that he's the
one who tricked your friend out there into spending a hell of a lot of
money on a worthless horse." She steps away and smiles. "And we
laughed about it afterwards. All the way to the bank."

Justin nods tightly. He doesn't really want to hear any more of this.

She's right, he guesses. There's no point in trying to ignore Dan's part in all
this. But Justin remembers the clear dare in Dan's voice when he wanted
Justin to ride the horse, and he can't get the man's smile out of his mind.
There's something more going on there, Justin knows it. But he can't
figure it out on his own, and if Dan is gone, there's no real chance to get
any help. He turns silently and heads out of the barn, Carol's mocking
laugh trailing out after him.

It's almost a year before he sees Dan again.

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CHAPTER TWO

The mare is beautiful. They'd seen her running loose in the field

before she was tacked up, and she'd moved like a dream, springy and
balanced and athletic. She doesn't look nearly as good under saddle,
though. It's pretty clear that the man riding her is an idiot. He's got her
head in the proper position, but he's holding it there by force, rather than
working her into it, and the tension in her neck is spreading through her
entire body. The rider seems oblivious, though, and nods to his audience
as if he's proud of his accomplishment.

Justin glances over at the woman next to him. She seems just as

unaware as the rider. Great. A clueless trainer and a clueless owner. The
poor horse is doomed. Unless, of course, Justin can convince his parents
that they should buy her.

The idiot brings the mare to a slow canter and aims her at a line of

fences. None of them is all that big, but the spacing is odd. Justin can't
decide if they're going to take two tiny strides between the first and second
element, or try for one huge stride. Either choice will be a challenge. The
rider keeps the canter slow, so Justin guesses that he's going to try for two
strides, but somewhere in the air over the first jump he seems to change
his mind, and he's urging the horse forward as soon as they land.

To her credit, she tries. She lengthens her stride immediately, but it's

far too late; the collected approach to the first jump had her land close to
its base, and there's just no way she can make up all that ground in a single
stride. Again, the rider changes his mind, tries to get her to add another
stride, but there's no room anymore, it's all too late, and the mare is left
with no way to succeed. She skids to a halt, and the rider flips off over her
neck. From his angle, Justin can't tell if it's the horse's chest or the rider's
body that knocks into the jump. Maybe it's both. One way or another, the

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jump collapses in a jumble of rails, and then one of the standards tips over
and catches the mare on the nose. Hard.

She panics from surprise and pain and rears backwards, and for one

terrible moment Justin thinks she's going to come back down with her
front hooves square on the rider lying stunned in front of her. But the rider
has enough presence to roll to the side, and the mare doesn't come down
that hard anyway, half-way back up in the air before she even hits the
ground. She's backing away frantically, and as soon as she's clear of the
jumps she turns and gallops to the far corner of the arena. She stands there
with her head down, and Justin can see her shaking even from that far
away.

That's when Justin sees the other man. He's tallish, but not huge, and

he's wearing regular working riding clothes, and Justin can't see much of
his face from a distance, but his coloring looks fairly middle of the road.
There's nothing at all remarkable about him, but somehow he just seems to
glow. And Justin isn't the only one who notices; the mare has turned her
head towards him, and Justin can't hear, but he can tell that the man is
murmuring to her by the way her ears prick forwards. The man walks
smoothly towards her, but stops a few paces away and lets her take the
final few steps towards him. He doesn't try to grab her, just lets her move
forward at her own pace, and when she lifts her muzzle to his face, he
breaths with her a few times, greeting her as horses greet each other. Only
then does he gently reach his hand forward to rest on her neck. She
flinches a little at the first touch, but then accepts him, and he calmly
gathers her reins before he gives her a few soothing strokes and then leads
her over towards the rail where her owner is waiting.

By this time, the mare's rider has picked himself up and regrouped,

and he stalks towards the mare and her new handler. They meet about
thirty feet away from the rail, and by this time the man is close enough
that Justin can see his face. He wonders if his subconscious had
recognized something that his conscious mind hadn't seen, because he's
somehow not that surprised to recognize Dan. It's been almost a year since

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they'd met, and Justin had thought that he was over his little obsession.
But one look and it's like all the nerves of Justin's body have been
activated, as if the hairs on his skin are being dragged towards the other
man.

The rider holds his hands out imperiously for the reins, and Dan

hands them over. Justin thinks he senses a little reluctance, and isn't
surprised. No horseman would want to return an animal that impressive to
someone so clearly unable to handle her in the way she deserves.

But the rider clambers back onto the mare, jerking at her mouth so

savagely that Justin almost intervenes. He feels his mother rest a
restraining hand on his arm and tries to calm himself; they're looking to
buy, not to start a fight. His eyes go towards the man who had just handed
the horse over, and Justin thinks he can see a similar battle playing across
his handsome features.

Then the rider starts in with his crop. Justin honestly can't tell if the

man is even giving orders to the horse, if she's being punished for refusing
to obey or just being punished. The rider is raising his arm and bringing
the crop down with his full strength against her flank, all the while jerking
on the bit and digging in with his heels. It's far too much; there are
differing opinions about the use of physical correction, but there's no way
this is anything but abuse, and Justin ducks under the railing before he's
even aware that he's doing it. This time Molly makes no move to stop him.

He's too late, though. Dan has sprung forward already, and he

reaches up to grab the rider's wrist and bend it backwards. His voice is a
low growl, but Justin is close enough to hear. "If you hit that horse one
more damn time, I'm gonna shove the fucking crop up your ass."

The rider looks at him in shock, and then his bluster returns. "Get

your hands off of me! Who the hell are you anyway?"

"I'm the guy who's gonna shove your crop up your ass if you hit that

horse one more time." The voice is low, but intense, and Justin hopes the
rider has sense enough to take the warning. There's a long, tense moment
when it really looks like the rider is going to fight, but then there's a stir at

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the railing, and Justin glances over to where his mother and the horse's
owner are talking.

"Larry, they'd like to try her out themselves now," the owner calls.

She seems just as oblivious to the violence in the air as she'd been to her
rider's earlier inadequacies, but Justin's mother is working on her, he can
tell.

Larry wrenches his arm free from the other man's grip and gives him

a dirty look before flipping his leg over and sliding off the horse. He
manages to give the horse's mouth one more jerk with the reins as he
hands them to Justin, and then he's stomping off towards the owner. The
mare is trembling again, and Justin really doesn't want to ride her. She
deserves a rub down and a hot mash and some relaxing time in the pasture.
But that's not going to happen if she stays at this barn, and Justin knows he
can't justify buying her based on what she's shown them so far.

Dan steps to her head and pulls at her ears as he blows soothingly

into her nostrils, and Justin can almost feel the tension draining out of her
body. "Do you think she's okay for a couple jumps?" Justin asks quietly.

Dan looks up as if noticing Justin for the first time, and Justin hunts

for any sign of recognition in his eyes. He finds nothing. "I can lower the
rails on that one…" Dan nods to the far side of the arena. "You could take
her over it a couple times while I rebuild the combination. And if you took
her through it with just a rail on the ground, she could get over her nerves
and be ready for some height the next time…"

Justin nods. He needs to put thoughts of Dan out of his mind and

focus on the task at hand, and it sounds like a good plan. Then he
remembers the rider's words. "Wait, do you even work here? Are you okay
doing all this?"

Dan looks him in the eye, and he feels a flutter somewhere in his

core. He has to force himself to listen to the words of the reply. "I'm
actually just here to pick up a horse. But they won't be ready to help me
until they're done with you, so… if I can speed you along, that's good for
me."

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Justin nods. "Yeah, okay, if you don't mind." He turns to face the

horse, then turns back. He can't just let this opportunity pass him by. "I'm
Justin, by the way."

"Yeah, I know," Dan responds, but then he just nods towards the

horse. "You'll need to walk her a bit, get used to her…"

Justin isn't sure how to handle this dismissal…he's really not used to

people not wanting to get to know him. But Dan is right about the horse,
so he adjusts the stirrups and swings up onto her back. Once he's settled,
Dan moves away from her head and walks over to the jump without
acknowledging Justin at all. That's frustrating, but Justin tries to focus on
the horse.

He walks the mare a bit, gets her used to her new rider, and the new

way of working. He doesn't even try for collection; he'd seen enough of
her in the paddock to know that she's got potential, but he's sure he's going
to have to put some work in before she'll be relaxed and supple,
considering her recent experiences. He brings her to the trot, just loose and
at her own speed, and then a canter. Her ears prick forward when she sees
the jump Dan has lowered for them, but Justin turns her away a few times,
tries to get her a little calmer. It's good to know that she still enjoys
jumping, at least.

When he finally takes her over the low jump, she bunches her

muscles and takes off like she's leaping the Grand Canyon. It surprised
Justin a bit, and he has to work to keep himself from dragging his weight
off her already-abused mouth, but he manages, and she lands well and
takes off at a gallop. That'll be useful for cross country, Justin thinks as he
tries to gently bring her under control, but it's not really appropriate for
stadium jumping. And then his mind is back on Dan. He has a moment of
panic, thinking that the man might leave again, that Justin could lose this
opportunity, but he remembers that Dan had said he had to wait for this
ride to be done, and when he looks around, he sees Dan leaning against
one of the fences, watching Justin ride.

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And having Dan as an audience calls Justin back to his task more

effectively than his own efforts to pay attention had. It would be nice to
impress the man. But he reminds himself not to try to be flashy, or show
off; it's not in Justin's nature, and besides, he thinks and hopes that Dan
has enough sense to see through that sort of thing. Justin works on calming
the mare down, using his seat and his hands, relaxing his body… she still
rushes the next jump a little, but she's much easier to control when she
lands, and Justin thinks he sees Dan nod a little. Or at least he hopes he
sees that.

He doesn't do much more with her; he's got as good an idea of her

abilities as he can get without pushing her harder than he wants to. He
brings her to a walk, and lets her start cooling down. He thinks he'll
recommend that the family makes an offer for her; he just hopes they can
figure out a way to keep Larry off of her until they have a price sorted out.
He also hopes he can find time to talk to Dan. Or at least figure out some
way to keep the guy from slipping out of his life again. Justin catches
himself—when had Dan ever been in his life? This isn't like him, building
up one little incident into some sort of imaginary relationship.

Still, he feels a little stir of panic when he looks around the arena and

can't see Dan. He had rebuilt the jumps, and then…there's another jolt of
alarm when he sees where Dan has gotten to. He's standing by the railing,
looking like he's trying to talk to the owner, but Molly is there as well, and
from the looks of things, she's recognized Dan and isn't too impressed.

Justin had never told his mother about Dan's role in his decision to

buy Magic. He's not sure why, it just… at first, it was nice to have
something private, something that only he and Dan knew. And then after a
while, it had been too long, and it would have seemed weird for him to
bring it up. But that means that Molly isn't aware that Dan had helped
them out. And she can carry a grudge for a long time.

Justin urges the mare to trot on her way over to the fence. He pulls

her up just in time to hear Molly say, "So, really, it's great to have this
chance to thank you. He's been a brilliant horse for us, and we never

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would have stumbled across him if it wasn't for you and your friend. And
to have gotten him for such a low price—well, that was just the icing on
the cake." The words are innocuous, but Molly's tone makes it clear that
she really isn't thanking Dan.

He seems totally unfazed. "Yeah, glad it worked out," he says, and

then turns back to the owner, apparently continuing a conversation that
Molly interrupted. "So, do you want to load them, or should I?"

But Molly's not quite ready to let go. "It's an interesting story,

really… the way that Dan and I met before…." Justin has to stop this. He's
not sure exactly what Dan is doing for a living now, or even exactly what
he was doing before, but Justin doesn't want to see his reputation dragged
through the mud. Molly and Wendy had focused their attentions on Carol's
name the previous year, apparently dismissing Dan as the brawn rather
than the brains, but now Molly seems ready to bring him down as well.

"Yeah, Dan was really helpful with a horse we bought," Justin says

quickly, and all three turn to look at him. He isn't sure how he could sneak
up on anyone while riding a thousand pound horse, but apparently he has.
He sends a pleading look towards his mother, who frowns back at him.
Dan seems pretty unconcerned about the whole thing. Not arrogant, more
just… removed. As if he doesn't really care what happens.

"He went out of his way to make sure I gave him a try, and it really

worked out." Justin turns his focus mostly to Dan. "He's eventing Novice
this season—he's got huge potential. Scopey as hell, and fast."

The owner looks about as interested as Dan. "Well, isn't it nice when

things work out like that?"

Justin exchanges looks with his mother while the owner looks up at

him. "So, what did you think of her?" It takes Justin a moment to realize
that she's talking about the horse he's sitting on. He can see Dan drawing
away from the conversation, but the owner still hasn't finished talking to
Dan about the horses he's here for, so at least Justin knows he won't be
leaving. He manages to say something non-committal about the mare; he'd

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loved her, really, but he somehow doubts that it will help his mother's
bargaining if he says so. Besides, he has other things on his mind.

Someone comes out to take the mare from him. It's not Larry, the

rider from earlier, but Justin's still a bit concerned. But the girl smiles at
him and runs a loving hand down the mare's neck. "I'll take care of her,
don't worry." He believes her for some reason, and he's able to turn his full
attention towards finding Dan.

It's not that hard to locate him. He's standing at a discrete distance

from Justin's mother and the mare's owner, close enough to be summoned
when the owner's ready to deal with him, but not close enough to overhear
their haggling. He doesn't look like someone who just had a near-violent
confrontation over animal cruelty. Honestly, he looks a little bored.

Justin has a sudden burst of nerves, another unfamiliar feeling for

him. He's built this up in his mind so much—reality has to be a
disappointment. He glances over at Dan, and there's that theory blown,
because Dan looks even better than Justin had remembered. He wouldn't
have thought it was possible. His feet are carrying him over even as his
brain is pulling away, trying to find a little time, some better approach,
some way to avoid messing this up before he even gets started.

His feet are too quick, though, and he's suddenly standing right in

front of Dan, who's looking at him blankly. "Uh, Dan, right?" Dan nods as
though he's dealing with a mentally challenged child. Excellent start.
"Yeah, uh…sorry if my mother caused any problems for you over there…I
never really got around to telling her about…" About what, exactly?
About their mystical connection? "about you helping us out with Magic."

Dan gives him a blank look. "Okay…"
Justin feels like an idiot. It's obvious now, Dan hadn't made any

special effort on Justin's behalf, he'd just made a comment or two. Justin
has blown this whole thing up in his mind, acting like a little girl with a
crush. He wants to retreat, and has already taken a half-step backwards,
when he sees a tiny glint of something in Dan's eyes. He can't identify the
expression, but it stops him in his tracks. He thinks for half a second, and

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then decides to try again. So maybe they hadn't actually bonded the year
before, but Dan's still beautiful—even without their past contact, Justin
would like the chance to get to know him. See if there's anything there.

"So, are you still working with that woman? Carol?" There's a brief

echo of her mocking laughter in Justin's mind, but he ignores it and
focuses on Dan.

"Carol? No, not for…well, not since Magic." Dan looks at his hands,

and then back at Justin. "And I never worked with her, exactly. More for
her."

Justin tries to nod calmly, tries not to show his excitement at Dan

actually volunteering a little information, making this less of an
interrogation and more of a conversation. And he's not exactly sorry to be
able to place Dan as an employee rather than a co-conspirator. "Oh. Okay.
Hey, good work earlier, with the mare. I was on my way over, but…"
Justin grins a little. "I think you did it with a little more style."

Dan's face darkens, and Justin's glad that the frown isn't directed at

him. "I hate shit like that. Like he thinks he's a big man for beating
something that can't fight back."

Dan glowers, and Justin isn't sure how to respond. He agrees with

Dan, but he doesn't really want the conversation to go in that direction;
he'd rather they talk about things they like, not things they hate. "Well,
like I said, you took care of it." He glances over his shoulder to where the
women are talking. "And unless the price shoots up somehow, we're going
to buy her, I think, so he won't have a chance to get his revenge."

Dan nods slowly. "Yeah, that's good." He smiles softly, and Justin

wishes the expression was directed at him. "She's a beautiful mover, isn't
she?"

Justin thinks back. "You saw her outside? Or just under saddle?"
Dan raises an eyebrow. "Outside. Under saddle…Sweet Jesus." He

sounds disgusted. Justin hopes Dan isn't including him in his disgust, and
wants to justify himself, to explain that he had wanted to be gentle, to ride

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her without pushing her. But it seems weak, like he's trying for the other
man's approval. Which he is, but he doesn't want to seem like he is…

Molly's voice breaks into his musings. "Justin, are you ready to go?

We've got a twenty-four hour hold on her, so we can talk in the car." She's
standing five feet away, and looking at him a little impatiently. She's come
to accept his sexual preferences, but he wonders sometimes…would she
be this inflexible if he was over here talking to a pretty girl rather than a
handsome guy?

Dan is already moving away, circling around Justin to get back to

whatever business he has with the owner. But Justin really doesn't want to
lose him again. "Dan…" he starts, and Dan pauses and looks back. Justin
really wishes he wasn't doing this in front of his mother. "Uh, are you
living around here?" They're about an hour from home, but it doesn't
really matter. Justin isn't sure what the distance would have to be in order
to discourage him from driving to see Dan; he isn't really sure there is
such a distance.

Dan gives him a cautious look. "Near Lexington…"
That's about an hour the other side of the Archer farm. That works.

Molly is giving Justin a bit of a look now, and he's dreading the
conversation on the way home, stuck with her in a pickup truck. He
charges on anyway. "Do you want to maybe get a drink sometime?"
There, he put it out there. He only has Carol's snide comments to make
him think that Dan's tastes even run to men, and now that he thinks about
it, she'd really just implied that men wanted him, not that he wanted them
back. And even if he is gay, what's Justin got that could interest him?
Especially if Carol was telling the truth about Dan's tastes. "Uh, you know,
I owe you a beer for your help with Magic…"

Dan stares at him for a moment. "The horse has been in the ribbons

seven times in eight events, with one first-place finish and two seconds.
He's sound and enthusiastic, and he's got the potential to go a lot further."
Dan takes a step closer and catches Justin's gaze, and for a moment it's just
them, no barn, no impatient owner, no eavesdropping mother. Dan's voice

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is low as he says, "I think you owe me a lot more than just a beer." Then
he smiles, but he doesn't drop his eyes, and Justin has no idea if he's
joking, and doesn't really care.

"Okay, absolutely, I owe you…." He's not sure how he would have

finished the sentence if his mother hadn't been right there. He can't keep
his eyes from cutting over towards her, and he sees Dan smirk a little. He
realizes that Dan hadn't been totally immune to Molly's earlier comments,
and that this little display was his way of getting back at her. At least, it
was partly that. Justin still hopes that there's something genuine in the
chemistry that Dan seems able to turn off and on at will.

"So when do I get to collect?" Dan's smile is positively seductive

now, and Justin's torn between his body's enthusiastic response and his
brain's dismay at Dan putting up a mask, keeping them from actually
getting to know each other.

But there's time for that, maybe, and hopefully Dan will relax when

he doesn't have an audience. "Uh, how about tonight? We could meet
somewhere in Lexington, or I could pick you up…"

"Nah, tonight's no good…I'm gonna be working real late. And I've

got plans tomorrow…" Justin can almost feel Dan pulling away. "You
know what, why don't you give me your number, and I can call you when
things settle down a little." Justin sees Molly shift in the background, and
figures that this is the final touch of Dan's revenge plan. Molly might not
have liked seeing her son pick up in front of her, but she sure as hell
doesn't want to see her son get rejected. And there's no doubt that's what
Dan's doing, moving away now without even pretending to wait for
Justin's number.

Justin's tempted to let him go. This guy's got heartache written all

over him, and Justin doesn't need the pain. But his body betrays him again,
his arm reaching out as he steps forward, his hand grabbing Dan's upper
arm. The other man turns to face him, and Justin doesn't know what to say.
Dan looks at him intently, and Justin can see his face soften a little just

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before he looks down at his feet. Justin lets go of his arm, and Dan looks
up again.

"I bartend at the Firehall Friday and Saturday nights," Dan says

quietly. This doesn't feel like a performance for Molly. "I don't really need
you to buy me a beer there, but if you come by towards the end of the
night, I could buy you one." He smiles, but this time there's no mockery in
it. "Then you'd owe me even more…"

"The Firehall. Yeah, okay." Bars don't close until 2:30, and Justin's

up most mornings by 6:00, but for the chance of another genuine smile,
he'll lose the sleep. He steps back, and he sees Dan's face harden up as he
turns away and heads back to work. Justin has no idea what has happened
to this guy to make it so important that he shield himself so well, but he
really wants to find out. He just hopes Dan will give him the chance.

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CHAPTER THREE

Justin's not the nervous type. He just isn't. He's a professional

athlete, a professional horseman—if he can't keep his nerves under
control, his horse will sense it, and a nervous horse is rarely a good thing
in any sort of competition. So he's built on his natural calmness, and made
himself almost totally controlled, to the point where people have called
him a robot.

A robot. Yeah, right. Justin looks up at the sign for the Firehall, and

when he wipes his sweaty hands on his pants, he notices that they're
actually trembling a little. He's had little bouts of cold feet several times
over the last few days, but they've all been about not wanting to make a
fool of himself, or being worried that he'll blow it with Dan; now, he's
wondering if he can actually afford to get into a relationship that affects
him this much, that makes him this crazy. Is this really what he wants?
Dan is seductive, intoxicating, addictive… he makes Justin lose control of
himself. And Justin doesn't like to be out of control. Or at least he never
thought that he did.

His body takes over again, his hand reaching eagerly for the door

handle even as his brain prevaricates. His body knows what it wants, at
least. And when Justin spots Dan behind the bar, his black T-shirt snug
against his lean torso, the jolt of excitement that courses through him
silences any doubts he might have been having. Justin stares, watching
Dan smile at the woman he's serving. He feels a little lurch in his stomach;
he'd thought he'd seen something special in the way Dan had looked at
him, had really felt they'd made some connection, but Justin can tell from
the way the woman is leaning in that she's feeling the same thing. And
when Dan moves down the bar and hands two bottles of beer to a preppy
banker-type, Justin sees how Dan lets their fingers brush, gives the guy the

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same smile, and Justin sees the banker watch Dan as he walks away, just
like Justin's watching him…

Justin's nerves are back, worse than before. He'd been a fool to think

that there's anything special in him, anything special between him and
Dan. And then Dan looks up and sees Justin, and the easy smile doesn't
come. Dan doesn't give him the practiced, pleasant mask; instead, he looks
almost wary. Justin isn't sure what to make of it, but he tries to tell himself
that at least this response is different from the others, even if it isn't
exactly positive. And then Dan nods down towards the end of the bar
where there's a bit of a gap, and Justin works his way towards it. He's
come this far; he’s going to keep going.

When Justin gets to the bar, Dan is waiting for him. They just look at

each other for a moment, and then Dan nods towards the glass-fronted
fridge behind him. "See something you like?" he asks with a hint of a grin,
and Justin isn't quite bold enough to finish the joke, just smiles a little
back and then looks at the beers in the cooler.

"I don't really care, I guess. Just a Bud is fine."
When Dan hands the beer over, their fingers don't touch, and again

Justin finds himself hoping that the difference is significant. It's a little
strange to be pinning his hopes on finding ways that Dan isn't flirting with
him.

The bar is busy, and Dan doesn't stick around to talk. Justin watches

him work, and appreciates the simple economy of motion. No twirls, no
extra steps or flourishes, just efficient, functional serving. The only extra
energy he uses is devoted to flirting, and Dan seems willing to do that with
anyone and everyone. There's a woman working behind the bar with him,
and they glide around each other easily, Dan comfortably sliding a hand
along her back to let her know when he's moving behind her, the woman
gently using her hip to nudge him to the side when they're both trying to
use the same preparation area. It takes Justin a while to recognize the
unpleasant tightness in his chest as jealousy.

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Then Dan is back in front of him, just looking at him again, no smile,

but no hardness either. Just that same touch of wariness, as if Dan is
almost as unsure as Justin. "You're a bit earlier than I expected—I've got
another two hours at least to work." Dan bites his lip a little, then shrugs.
"But I've got a ten minute break now…." He moves away, and Justin
almost reaches out to stop him, but then Dan's ducking under the bar and
moving around next to Justin, and he's standing really close, and now
Justin wants to reach out for a whole different reason. His hand twitches
and brushes up against something cold, and he looks down to see the two
bottles of beer in Dan's hand. Dan smirks and nods toward the back of the
bar, and then he's walking back there and Justin is following him. Justin's
dimly aware of the crowd, knows that people are watching Dan, and
watching Justin by extension, but all he's really aware of is Dan.

Dan pulls out a key to unlock a door marked 'Employees Only,' and

Justin doesn't even pause before he follows him into a narrow hallway,
and then through another door that leads to a utilitarian staircase, going up.
Dan heads up, and Justin is right on his heels. He has no idea where
they're going, and he doesn't even dare to think of what they're going to do
when they get there, but he really doesn't care.

There's a landing and another flight of stairs, and then Dan has to use

his hip to open a heavier door, and Justin steps through it to find that
they're on the roof of the building. He hadn't even realized how hot and
smoky the bar had been, but his first breath of cool, fresh air is almost
enough to distract him from Dan, at least for a second.

And apparently that second is all that it takes, because he's somehow

unaware that Dan has stopped moving, doesn't even really see the guy turn
around, but then Dan is right there, his beautiful eyes staring intensely,
and Justin feels a hand in his hair, tight and just the right level of rough,
pulling his head down. Justin's actually startled, his mouth opening in a
little gasp that Dan seems to take as an invitation, because Dan's lips are
on his, firm and demanding, tongue pushing in just as soon as their mouths
connect, Dan rocking their bodies together, and it's more than Justin

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expected, maybe even more than he wants, but it's hot and hard and
perfect and Justin groans as his hands move to Dan's back, his ass, pulling
their bodies tighter against each other.

Justin isn't sure what this means, or where it's going, and he knows

he should care. He wants more than a one-night stand with Dan, or he
thinks he does, and he doesn't want to do anything to get in the way of
that… but he also doesn't want to give this up, if this is all he ever gets to
have. He keeps one hand tight on the small of Dan's back, keeping them
pressed together, and he lets his other hand run down of the firm rounds of
Dan's ass, then up to trace his spine, feeling the strength in the muscles on
both sides of the bone. They're still kissing, too, deep, hard, aggressive
kisses that aren't about love or even lust, just about dominance and tension
and heat. Dan brings one of his thighs between Justin's and presses up, and
Justin has to break off the kiss as his head jerks back almost involuntarily
in pleasure. Dan leans back a little too, balancing against Justin's hand on
his back as he grinds up with his thigh, and he grins at Justin, then catches
Justin's free hand and presses a cool beer bottle into it. Justin's almost too
far gone to even be able to grip the glass, and he just watches as Dan
brings his own drink to his lip, taking a long pull as his eyes never leave
Justin's.

Dan's free hand is on the button of Justin's jeans now, and his eyes

have gotten a little cooler as he looks at Justin appraisingly. "I've got ten
minutes," he says, and his voice sounds as calm as if he were downstairs
taking orders for drinks. "Want me to blow you?"

Justin's dick jerks an enthusiastic 'Hell yes,' but his brain is racing in

all other directions. He'd have to be insane to turn down a blowjob from
practically anyone, let alone from Dan, but this feels like a test, another
one of Dan's attempts to make this just about sex. Justin still hasn't had a
drink from his beer, but he raises it to his face now, and presses it against
his temple, hoping that the cool smoothness of the glass will somehow
transfer to his emotional state.

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He decides to try honesty. "Obviously I want that. But ten minutes

isn't likely enough time for me to return the favor, right?" Dan's watching
him closely, but, as usual, Justin can't read the other man's expression. He
starts to feel a bit desperate. "I mean, we can still do something after
you're done work, right? It doesn't have to be sex…we could just get
something to eat, or…"

"Or what?" Dan's voice is scornful. "Go for a walk in the park? Hold

hands?" He shakes his head as he steps away from Justin. "Spare me the
bullshit, man. I already offered to blow you; I don't know why you're still
dishing out the pick-up lines."

Justin feels like his stomach is imploding. How did things go so

wrong so fast? And why is Dan moving even further away from him? "No,
no lines!" He knows it comes out sounding panicky, but that seems like a
fair reflection of how he's feeling. "I just meant… you know, I'm not
assuming anything, or whatever… but sex would be great. I'm all for it!
Seriously. Lots of sex, no bullshit… whatever you want." Dan is still
watching him, but he's stopped moving away now, and Justin feels a little
reckless streak come over him. "And, hey, man, if the blow job is that
important to you, I guess I could suffer through it… you know, as a
special favor to you. If that's really what you want."

Dan stares at him, and there's a brief moment when Justin's sure that

he's blown it, but then Dan smiles almost reluctantly, and Justin thinks
maybe this is the real Dan smile, not sexy and confident like the one he
uses to flirt with, but surprised and tentative, as if he's afraid he's about to
be laughed at. Then Dan licks his lips and the cocky smile is back. Justin
isn't really sorry to see the change, because the other smile just about
broke his heart.

"I appreciate the offer, man; you're really kind to help me out like

that."

Justin nods in agreement. "I'm a humanitarian, is what it is." And

then the same boldness that makes him a good eventer comes over him,
and it's almost as if he's two people, one confidently talking to Dan, the

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other one staring in horror and screaming for him to stop taking such
chances. "So here's what I think we should do. We'll go back downstairs,
and I'll watch you work, and I'll try to control myself when I see you
flirting with everybody in the place." Dan hasn't said anything yet, so
Justin takes a chance and keeps going. "And then when you're done work,
we'll go somewhere and we'll eat something, because that's the kind of guy
I am, and then, if you've been good, I'll think about letting you blow me.
Maybe." He stops, and there's that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach
again, the nervous flutter, the uncertainty about whether he's just made
things much worse or much better. God help him, he thinks he's starting to
like feeling that way.

Dan doesn't help, just looks at Justin assessingly, and then takes a

few steps forward. He lifts his bottle and swallows what's left of the
contents, and then leans in closer to Justin. "How about if I'm good, you
let me fuck you?"

Justin doesn't normally bottom, and he can't be sure that's what Dan

meant anyway, although he's pretty sure it is, but he doesn't really care one
way or another. His brief moment of bravado has left him, and he nods
mutely in response. Dan can do anything he wants to Justin.

Dan holds his eyes a moment longer, then steps back and nods at the

bottle in Justin's hand. "Finish your beer, baby. I stole it just for you." His
voice is mock-tough, clearly joking, but Justin raises the bottle obediently
anyway, and takes a long pull. He can feel Dan watching, and when he
tilts his head back down Dan is there, standing only inches away, and
Justin has to bring his arm out to the side in order to lower the bottle
without hitting Dan. Dan ignores that maneuver, his eyes focusing on
Justin's neck. One of Dan's hands snakes behind Justin's head and catches
the hair at the base of his skull, pulling his head back into the position it
had been in when Justin had been drinking. Dan trails the fingers of his
other hand along the line of Justin's throat, exposed and vulnerable, and
then Dan's lips are there, and Justin's eyes close in satisfaction. If he could,
he would purr.

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Dan explores along Justin's throat and jawline, kisses in one spot,

nips and licks somewhere else, and then he pushes the collar of Justin's
shirt a little to the side and focuses his efforts on the patch of skin where
neck meets shoulder. He's sucking and biting and Justin knows he's going
to leave a mark, and Justin doesn't normally like that, thinks it's a little
Neanderthal to be symbolically bruising people, but if Dan cares enough
to want to claim him, Justin's all for it, and he moves his neck to give
better access. Justin can feel Dan's lips curl in an appreciative smile, and
the hand tangled in Justin's hair eases off as Dan understands Justin's
acquiescence.

Dan steps away too soon, and Justin's body leans after him, but when

Justin opens his eyes he sees Dan shaking his head. "I've got to get back
downstairs…" But Dan isn't going anywhere. He's just standing there and
looking at Justin like he's trying to figure him out, which makes Justin
laugh a little, because apparently they're both confusing the hell out of
each other. But neither one is running away, at least right now, so Justin
will count that as a win.

Dan smiles at Justin's laugh, and it's the shy smile, the tentative one

that Justin hopes is real, and it makes Justin smile back. So they both stand
there grinning like idiots for a quick second, and then Dan's back to
business, "So, yeah, I…" He nods towards the door, and Justin follows
him back downstairs.

His seat the bar is taken, but he works his way in to a standing space,

and just as he said he would, he watches Dan work. When there's a lull,
Dan introduces Justin to Cori, the other bartender. Dan calls Justin his
friend, but Cori's lazy, knowing smile makes it clear that she knows what
kind of friend Justin wants to be. A few other times when he gets a
minute, Dan comes over and stands near him, but the bar's too loud to
really talk, so Justin mostly just appreciates the effort. And the close-up
view. Dan's sweating a little; not enough to be gross, just a faint sheen on
his skin, and it's making Justin a bit crazy. Or at least it's one of the things
making him crazy.

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Last call finally comes, and then people start filtering out, but they're

taking their time. Justin's fidgeting with impatience. He sees several
people, men and women, lean over and hand Dan slips of paper as they
settle their tabs, and Justin wonders how many of them think he's actually
going to call. He wonders if maybe Dan really will call some of
them…and wonders what he can do to make sure that doesn't happen.

When most of the customers are gone, Dan starts tidying up behind

the bar, but Cori comes up beside him and snuggles in to his side, and she
nods in Justin's direction as she says something that actually makes Dan
blush a little. Dan gives her a doubtful look, but she smiles at him and
shoves him a little, and Dan looks almost bashful as he follows the
direction of her push down towards Justin.

"Cori says she'll close up, if we want to head out," Dan says, and

Justin decides to forgive her for the snuggling. Dan nods to a couple of the
servers and the bouncers on the way out; no one seems to have a problem
with Dan, but Justin doesn't sense a lot of warmth, either. And he has to
admit, he's not getting a very welcoming vibe from Dan himself.

When they get out on the sidewalk, they pause, and Dan seems like

he's about to say something. Justin gives him a moment, but nothing
comes out, so Justin starts. "I saw a 24-hour diner down the street; we
could go there, or somewhere else if you'd rather…"

Dan shoots him a look, and it's got all the fragile caution of his

earlier smiles, but without the smile itself. "We don't really have to eat."
He nods his chin into the night. "I'm staying a few blocks over—it's not a
great place, but it's just temporary. We could go there, if you want."

Justin isn't sure where the enthusiasm from the roof went to, but he

misses it. He looks closely at Dan. "Are you tired? I mean, it's pretty late, I
guess…I had a nap earlier, but you've been working all night…" And then
he can't believe he's saying it, even as the words come out of his mouth.
"We could just get a cup of coffee, or something, if you aren't…you
know…if you're tired…"

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Dan doesn't seem to know how to take this suggestion. "Dude, you

drove all the way from Louisville…you want more than a cup of
coffee…"

Now it's Justin's turn to be unsure. "Yeah, okay, I want more. I

mean, I want a lot more." He reaches out and grabs Dan's hand. He's never
been a hand-holding type of guy, but he really wants some physical
contact. "But it doesn't have to be tonight. If you're not into it, then I don't
want it, you know?" His laugh is regretful. "I mean, I still want it, but…."
Dan is looking at Justin's shoes, and Justin knows they're not that
interesting. He tugs a little on Dan's hand, and finally their eyes meet. "I
like you. I don't know you that well, but I want to get to know you. I'm not
looking for some one-night stand…." Justin had a follow-up to that, about
not having to drive all the way from Louisville if that was all he was after,
but the look in Dan's eyes stops him, and he finally realizes what's going
on. And that means he knows what to do.

He moves a little closer, and brings a hand to Dan's face, gently

cradling his jaw. "Shit, Dan, I don't just want your body. Obviously I want
that, but… I like you." He's not great with words, but he really thinks he
needs to use some. "I like the way you are with horses—and, you know,
the way they are with you. I don't think you could be that good with them
if you weren't smart and gentle and strong. And I don't really know what
happened with Magic and that blonde, but I like that you tried to help us
out, or help the horse out. And the other day with that asshole on
Willow…." Justin trails off. Dan is staring at him, and for the first time
Justin really gets the feeling that he can read Dan's face; he sees doubt,
and defensiveness, but he also thinks he sees a trace of hope.

Justin shuffles half a step closer, one hand still holding Dan's, the

other rubbing his cheek. "We bought her, you know. Willow." Justin's
speaking softly, just trying to let the tone calm Dan down a little. "We
brought her home yesterday, so she's safe. We're just letting her settle in
for now, but I think she's going to be really great." He closes the gap,
kisses Dan gently, then forces himself to pull away. He'd love to grab hold

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of the other man and never let go, but he thinks that might be a mistake.
Thinks there's something more important going on right now. "You should
come out and see her sometime. We could go for a ride. There's this hill in
the back of the farm, and there's a great view from the top." Another
gentle kiss, and Dan definitely kisses back on this one, although Justin can
still see the doubt in his eyes.

"Do you have stuff to do tomorrow?" The question seems to throw

Dan a little; Justin wonders if it's too much reality, or if it was a mistake to
break the pattern of Justin's talking. When Dan doesn't answer right away,
Justin continues, his voice low and soothing. "Because if you want, you
could come out with me now. You could stay at my place, and we could
sleep in, and then I could show you around the farm." Dan looks doubtful,
but not disinterested, and Justin searches for ways to sweeten the deal.
"We could take your car, if you want, so you can escape whenever you
want to—I can get a ride back here with you tomorrow, or if you'd rather
not, I can get a friend to drive me." Another kiss, and Dan leans into this
one, his tongue wrapping around Justin's, and when Dan's hands grip
tightly to Justin's hips, he knows that he's won.

Still, Dan pulls away one last time. "What about your parents? Don't

they live there?"

Justin smiles happily. He can handle these details. "Dude, I'm almost

thirty… I don't still sleep in my old bedroom! I've got an apartment above
the barn, and the house is well away. And if they come down to the barn
tomorrow, that's fine—you've met my mom, but never under the best
circumstances, and you'd like my dad—he's pretty laid back, and he can
talk about horses forever."

Dan looks uncomfortable, but he doesn't pull away. "What would

you say the chances are of having to deal with your parents?" He leans in
for another kiss, and Justin gets the feeling that it's a way to reassure
himself. "I mean, your mom already hates me, and… I'm really not that
good with dads, to be honest…." Justin can almost feel Dan talking

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himself out of it. "We should just stay here. It's closer, and there's an
almost zero percent probability of parents."

Justin's flying blind. He's not sure how hard he should push, or if he

should push at all. "We can hide from them if you want to." Another kiss,
and this one is enough to almost shake Justin out of his train of thought.
Enough to make him think that Dan's 'closer' argument is really the only
important factor. But he pulls himself together. "I really like the idea of
you in my bed, to be honest. And there's no horses here. We were thinking
about putting Willow out in the paddocks tomorrow, let her get a look at
her new stablemates—that could be interesting…."

"You guys give your eventers a lot of pasture time, huh?" Dan looks

like he's professionally interested, and there's no kissing, so Justin isn't
impressed.

"Yeah. It's my dad's idea; you could ask him about it if you run into

him." Justin grins a little and raises his eyebrow in question, and Dan
finally nods like he's agreeing to a suicide mission. Justin will take the
agreement, even if it's not exactly enthusiastic. "My car's just there, but we
can walk over for yours if you'd rather…"

Dan nods emphatically. "Yeah, let me drive. Or I can just follow

you, if you want…"

"Nah, let's drive together." Justin doesn't say that he doesn't trust

Dan to not pull a U-turn half-way out of town, but he thinks it. Justin feels
like he's had a breakthrough with Dan; understanding that Dan's reserve is
based on skittishness rather than disinterest is important. But it doesn't
mean that everything is magically solved. Justin's had some experience
with nervous horses, and he knows they can be dangerous, especially if
they feel cornered. He needs to figure out a strategy, a way to make Dan
feel safe.

He nudges Dan into motion, and they head down the street towards

Dan's car. They aren't holding hands anymore, but their fingers brush on
almost every stride, and neither one moves further away. Justin's mind is
running through ideas, and they're almost two blocks along before Justin

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realizes that often with a skittish horse, he's had to just walk away, and
accept that the relationship isn't going to work out. Justin glances over at
Dan, and one look is enough to remind him that, for whatever reason,
walking away really isn't an option here. Justin's in this too deep already;
he's not going to give up before he's exhausted himself trying. He has a
feeling that the prize might be worth it, if he manages to win.

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CHAPTER FOUR

Dan's truck is making a strange noise. They'd been driving for a few

minutes before it started, and Justin isn't sure if he should mention it.
They're not talking, just listening to the radio, and at first Justin thought
the noise was a part of the song, but the song has changed, and the sound
is still there. And it's getting louder. It's a sort of a whining, squealing
noise. Surely Dan can hear it for himself, but it's coming from Justin's side
of the car, so maybe he can't. The truck isn't new, but it's clean and Dan
seems fond of it, and Justin doesn't want to sound like he's criticizing the
guy's wheels.

The squeal gets a little louder, almost a scream, and then cuts out.

Justin glances over at Dan, trying to look casual. Dan shakes his head.
"Oh, good. That might be the last of them." Justin raises a curious
eyebrow, so Dan continues. "Cat crawled into the engine and had a litter
of kittens. Now sometimes when I start it up, one of them gets shaken
loose and gets caught up in the gears somehow. Makes a hell of a racket
until it finally gets ground to bits."

Justin stares at him in horror, and then the screaming starts up again.

Dan groans. "Damn, there must be one more… noisy little bastards, aren't
they?" Justin almost faints with relief when he sees the way Dan's lips start
to twitch.

"You son-of-a-bitch, I almost believed you!" Justin sinks back

against the seat of the truck. "Jesus, what is it then?"

Dan smirks. "Drive shaft bearings, I think. I gotta get it fixed. But it

sounds a lot worse than it is." He shakes his head. "I can't believe you
thought I would actually torture kittens. Jesus, I'm a little insulted." But
he's laughing as he says it.

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Playful Dan is kinda scary, Justin decides. "God damn it, I've got to

learn more about cars…or at least more about you, so I know what your
tells are when you're trying to give me a heart attack…”

Dan's smile turns predatory. "Oh, baby, if you've got a weak heart,

we should turn this truck around now…"

Justin's dick responds as if Dan had reached over and grabbed hold.

"You keep talking like that, we're going to have to pull it over, not turn it
around." Justin tries to keep his voice light, but apparently he doesn't quite
manage it, because Dan turns and gives him a long look.

"Just say the word. We should get off the interstate, probably, but

this time of night, a back road…."

Justin is sorely tempted. The romantic side of him, which he'd barely

even realized he had until recently, wants his first time with Dan to be
perfect: rose petals strewn across white sheets, candlelight and violins. But
there's no way he going to get that set up for tonight, and if it's a choice
between the side of the road and Justin's utilitarian apartment, he doesn't
really think there's much difference. At least the side of the road has the
advantage of being closer, because Justin's not sure how long he's going to
be able to wait if Dan keeps looking over at him like that.

Dan has the same matter of fact tone that he had when he'd made his

offer on the roof. "What's your recovery time like? Could we do a little
now, and then something more when we get there?" His voice gets a little
more teasing. "Have I been good enough to earn that blowjob, yet?" He
keeps his eyes on the road while his hand reaches over and rubs over
Justin's fly. If Justin's dick liked Dan's voice, it loves this, and Justin's
inhaled breath is almost pained. His eyes are closed, but he can hear the
click of the turn signal, and then Dan's voice. "Yeah, we've still got a good
way to go, and you're not going to be comfortable like that."

Justin opens his eyes as the car slows down and pulls into a rest stop.

He can't quite believe they're doing this, but Dan seems to have decided,
and Justin's in no condition to object. The truck's old enough to have a
bench seat in the front, and Dan shows his usual efficiency as he turns off

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the ignition and reaches down to the seat position lever. "Push back," he
instructs, and when Justin does, the whole seat slides back another six
inches or so. Dan grins wolfishly as he reaches over and undoes Justin's
seat belt, then grabs Justin's left knee and pulls his leg up on the bench.
Justin's body swivels with it, so he's leaning with his back against the
door, his legs spread wantonly. Dan hovers over him and then tugs him
down a little so Justin's half-lying, half-sitting, and the door handle is
digging into his back but Justin has a feeling that he's about to be well and
truly distracted from that slight nuisance.

Dan carefully lays himself down on top of Justin, not a lot of weight

but a long line of body contact, and then he pauses with their lips almost
touching. "This okay?" he asks, and Justin sees the doubt creeping back
into his eyes. Justin answers by lifting his head up for the kiss; it's not
wine and roses, but it's Dan, and that's more than enough.

The kiss is as hard and hot as Justin is coming to expect from Dan,

and just that, the idea that he's getting to know Dan's kisses, is enough to
have his hips bucking a little, trying for more friction. He feels Dan's lips
curl before they move away, down Justin's neck to his chest, and then
Dan's pushing up Justin's T-shirt to get access to his skin. Dan's a little
bite-y, and that's another thing that Justin hadn't really thought he enjoyed,
but the mix of pleasure and pain is so reminiscent of Dan's personality that
it seems appropriate, and it feels good. Justin finds himself looking
forward to the nips, because he knows that they'll be followed by soothing
tongue and warm, gentle lips.

By the time Dan's worked his way down to Justin's jeans, he's so

hard it hurts. He doesn't think he's been this turned on while still wearing
pants since high school, and it's not an entirely pleasant sensation. Again,
though, Dan soothes the pain he's created, and he's surprisingly gentle as
he undoes the button and eases Justin's fly open. The head of Justin's cock
is peeking over the top of his boxer-briefs, and Dan looks up and grins at
him before giving it a wet kiss. Justin's so busy trying to keep from
bucking up into Dan's mouth that he barely hears Dan say, "No, do it, lift

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up a little," but the words finally register and Justin gratefully lifts his hips
to allow Dan to slide his pants and underwear down.

There isn't far for them to go, with Justin's legs spread like they are, but
Dan doesn't seem to need a lot of room. His mouth, his soft lips, wrap
tightly around Justin's cock, and Justin moans at the perfection of it all. He
hadn't really known what to expect from this night, had barely dared to
dream of something like this. He rests his hands on Dan's head, careful not
to grip too tight, trying to be respectful, but Dan doesn't even seem to
notice. He's bobbing up and down, running his tongue all around, and
Justin is lost in the sensations. Then Dan makes a sort of frustrated sound
and lifts his mouth off, and Justin opens his eyes in alarm. Has he done
something wrong?

But Dan isn't even looking at him; he sits half way up and reaches behind
him and opens the door of the truck, kicks his legs outside and goes back
to work. The open door means the overhead light is on, and that's great,
because now Justin can see more clearly, and the sight of Dan's red lips
wrapped around him is almost enough to send him over the edge. Then
Dan slides his body around, changes the angle a little, and Justin
understands why he needed the door open, because with this angle Justin's
cock is going further back, right down Dan's throat, and Dan is
swallowing around him and the feeling is almost too much. Dan goes back
to bobbing his head, taking Justin right down every time, and Justin isn't
even thinking anymore, and he doesn't realize that he's started thrusting
until he feels Dan's hands under his ass, urging him on.

Justin isn't sure it's the gentlemanly thing to do, but he's way too far

gone to care, so he accepts Dan's invitation. Dan pulls back just a little,
gives him more room to move, and Justin lets himself rise into the hot,
wet, soft suction of Dan's mouth, then pull out, rise again, his hips moving
instinctively, reflexively. It doesn't take long after that, and Justin still has
the presence of mind to warn a little, but Dan doesn't seem fazed, just nods

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slightly to show that he understands, and then slurps and swallows and
sucks Justin dry. He knows exactly when to stop, too, which Justin
appreciates, because he's really too drained to do anything to push him off.
But then Dan's sitting up, moving back to his side of the car, and that's
enough to snap Justin out of his lethargy.

"Hey," he mumbles, and he reaches a hand out to catch Dan's, uses it

to pull him up along his body so that they're back where they started,
Justin lying back and Dan resting on top of him. But before, Dan had been
pliant and teasing, and now he's rigid and uncomfortable. Justin isn't sure
what happened. Well, he knows what happened, but he doesn't understand
why it makes Dan want to be on the other side of the cab.

Justin tries a kiss; he tastes himself and deepens it. Dan's compliant,

almost passive, and that's really not what Justin's come to expect from
him. When Justin lets go of him and stops kissing, Dan waits for a
moment, almost as if asking permission, and then slithers back to the other
side of the truck. He pulls the door shut, and the overhead light turns off.
Dan glances over at Justin, and nods in a generally forward direction. "If
you scootch the seat forward…" he suggests, leaning down to pull the
lever. Justin complies, although his brain is still a little muddy and he's not
sure what they're doing, but he gets the message when Dan turns the key
and starts the truck.

"No, wait…" Justin protests. "We should…I can…just…just wait a

second, okay?" It started out sounding little testy, but by the end Justin
feels like he's whining. He's not really impressed with either tone, and
gathers his thoughts to do better. He can't find the words, though, so he
just reaches over and turns the ignition off, then pulls the keys out and lays
them on the dash. Dan is staring at him, and Justin hopes he's doing the
right thing.

He opens his door and walks quickly around to Dan's side, hoping

like hell that he doesn't hear the engine start up, doesn't get there to find
the door locked. He doesn't, but Dan's carefully blank face is its own kind
of escape attempt, and Justin isn't sure he'll be able to do anything about it.

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Still, he has to try, and he opens the door and leans down. "My turn now,
isn't it?" he asks. Dan just shrugs, not making eye contact, and Justin tries
not to think of any of the horrible reasons Dan might not want Justin to get
in his pants.

The angle is bad, with Dan still in the car and Justin standing

outside. If Justin kneels, he'll be at the right level for a blow job, but too
low for kissing, and he'd really like to kiss Dan some more. He ducks
down, resting his hands on top of the truck for balance while he pokes his
head inside, and he thinks he must look like some sort of demented,
featherless bird stretching its wings, but that's just one of many reasons he
has to hope that no one's watching.

Dan looks a little startled at Justin's approach, a little displeased at

having his personal space invaded, but Justin decides he doesn't care, and
that Dan should either stop running or get used to being chased. Or
something a little less stalkerish—he's going to have to give this some
thought, sometime when he's not focusing on talking the guy into letting
him suck his dick. "Come on, Dan, I'll be good…" He grins a little
tentatively. "Probably not quite as good as you, 'cause… damn, that was
unbelievable." He leans in for a kiss, and Dan doesn't pull away, although
he doesn't kiss back too enthusiastically either. But Justin remembers how
Dan had taken charge, and he leans in takes hold of Dan's right leg, slides
Dan around so his feet are hanging out the door of the truck.

Justin kisses him again, and runs his hand down over Dan's crotch.

He can feel the hardness, so he knows that at least one part of Dan wants
this. And he can't be sure of dimensions, but there's enough there to know
that at least Dan hasn't got some sort of micro-penis, so whatever Dan's
being shy about, it's not size. Justin's nasty imagination sends him a
horrible image of a penis totally covered in hair, and then of one with
some sort of gangrenous growth, and he's glad he's already come because
both visions are enough to put him off sex for a while.

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There's only one way to find out, though, and Justin brings his hand

to the button of Dan's jeans. "Is this all right?" he asks. "Seriously, man,
you've got to tell me if this isn't okay…."

Dan stares at him and then huffs out a little disbelieving breath.

"Fuck, yeah, it's okay," he breathes, and then he's leaning forward and
kissing hard, bringing a hand up to the back of Justin's neck to hold him in
place, and Justin figures that whatever the reticence was about, it's been
dealt with, at least for the time being. Justin falls to his knees on the
rounded gravel of the rest stop parking lot, and Dan lets himself lie back
on the bench seat of the truck. Dan's head had been blocking the
brightness from the overhead light, but now that he's moved, Dan's groin
is quite well lit. Justin steels himself in case his imagination wasn't
running away with him, and he unzips Dan's jeans and then pulls the band
of his boxers down.

Dan's cock is perfect, and Justin feels a wash of equal parts relief and

embarrassment. Of course Dan is beautiful all over. He smiles up at Dan,
but the other man has his arm over his face, his eyes buried in the crook of
his elbow. Justin's a little disappointed; he was hoping for a bit more of a
connection. But he's got at least one part of Dan to connect with, so Justin
resolves to do the best he can with that. He lowers his head for a first taste,
and then his concentration is all on technique, trying to get the right
amount of suction and spit and tongue action. He's not a pro, but he likes
to think he's got some skill. There's hardly any reaction from Dan, though,
just a little hitch of breath at first contact, and then silence except for Dan's
breathing and Justin's slurping.

Justin increases his efforts, and then a hand is coming down to warn

him, and he decides there's no way he's pulling off when Dan didn't, but he
also doesn't want to choke on come, so he leans back a little, focuses on
the head, and it isn't long before he can feel Dan's body seize up as he
finds release. There's still no noise, though, other than a little rough
breathing, and it's disconcerting.

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Justin leans back and wipes his mouth and chin, and as soon as he's

out of Dan's space, Dan's hands come down to tuck himself in and zip up.
He's still pretty hard, so it can't be totally comfortable, but Justin doesn't
stop him. Maybe the guy's a bit more hung up about sex than he'd seemed,
although he sure hadn't seemed shy about Justin's dick, and there's just no
way someone can give a blow job that good without some serious practice.

Dan carefully shifts his feet back into the truck, away from Justin,

and Justin sighs, but then berates himself. Okay, so they've got some
adjusting to do; they need to get used to each other's styles, or something.
He can do that. But Dan should do a little too, he decides, and as he pulls
himself to his feet he leans in and finds Dan's mouth with his. Dan opens
his lips without resistance, but there's not a lot of enthusiasm, and Justin
pulls away shortly after he starts.

"We okay here?" It sounds a bit testy, maybe, but Justin isn't sure

what else to say.

Dan looks startled. "Oh, shit, man, I didn't say thanks. I'm

sorry…yeah, that was great. Thanks." The guy looks about twelve, like he
got scolded for forgetting his manners. Justin feels like a dirty old man. He
wonders for the first time just how old Dan is. He's younger than Justin,
maybe mid-twenties…Justin hopes. But he was bartending, so at least he's
over twenty-one, even if he isn't acting it right now.

"Dude, I didn't mean you had to thank me…. I just meant… you

seem a bit distant, or something."

The mask is on in a fraction of a second. Dan grins cockily at him.

"Nah, man, I'm right here!" He looks down. "Hey, are your knees okay? I
should have put my jacket down or something."

Justin shakes his head impatiently. "No, I'm fine." He looks at Dan

again, trying to understand, and to come up with a plan. But he gets
nothing.

"You ready to go, then?" Dan asks, and Justin surrenders.
"Yeah, I guess." He crosses around to his side of the truck and

climbs in, and Dan puts it into gear and pulls out. The 'kittens' start up

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again, and Dan throws a smile at Justin, but it's remote and a little sad, like
an old man reminiscing about fun he'd had as a boy. Justin's head is
spinning. He'd thought he was getting somewhere, but now he feels like
he's right back where he started. Or maybe even further back, like he's lost
ground.

They drive in silence for quite a while. Justin struggles to find

something to talk about, something that might throw a rope across
whatever chasm it is that seems to be gaping between them. Finally, "So,
Magic's doing really well this season."

Dan's quiet, and then says almost grudgingly, "Yeah, you've done a

good job with him. In the ribbons seven times out of eight events."

Justin remembers that Dan had mentioned that at their last meeting.

"So you've been following him, then?" It's hard to tell in the darkness of
the cab, but Justin thinks maybe Dan blushes.

"You know, I try to keep up. And he was a good horse, better than I

usually get to ride. So…yeah, I kept an eye on him."

"I don't get that. You're a great rider." Justin catches himself. "Well,

from what little I've seen, at least. Why aren't you riding good horses?"

And now Justin is sure that Dan is blushing, but maybe not with

embarrassment, because his tone is bitter when he speaks. "Not everyone's
Mommy and Daddy run a stable, you know. We don't all get our rides
handed to us on a silver platter."

Justin's taken aback. He knows he's lucky that horses are a family

business, but there really aren't a lot of silver platters around the Archer
stable. He tries to laugh it off. "Silver manure fork, maybe…"

Dan doesn't say anything, but he's staring ahead like he's fighting to

stay on the road through a blizzard. Justin has a feeling he should stay
quiet, but he can't let it go. "Seriously, I know it's easier with connections,
but lots of people just get hired on to barns, work their way up…"

Dan looks like he's going to fight, and then his shoulders slump as if

he's already lost. "Yeah, you're right, lots of people do."

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"Well, it's not like it's too late, right? You're still young, you've got

lots of time."

Dan just nods. "Yeah, lots of time." He makes it sound like they're

talking about the length of his jail sentence.

Justin has no idea where to go with this, so he decides to shift the

subject again. "Willow's going to be great, we think. The mare from the
other day?" He shakes his head. "She's got some issues under saddle, but
she's an incredible mover." He glances over at Dan, hoping for a spark.
"Well, you saw that yourself, you said. You saw her in the field?"

Dan nods in confirmation. "Yeah, great balance, a lot of natural

collection…"

"That hill in the back that I was telling you about? We ride the

eventers up and down it, usually just at the walk, maybe a trot if they're
hyper—great for their backs, their hindquarters…" Dan nods, and Justin
feels a bit stupid. Hill riding isn't exactly a revolutionary idea in equine
conditioning. But Dan seems to be calming down a little, so maybe
Justin's doing something right. "My friend Chris, he lives across the road,
and they have quarter horses." Dan glances over to see if there's more to
the story, and Justin congratulates himself on having regained at least
some portion of the man's interest. Unfortunately, there isn't really too
much more to the story; Justin had just been grasping at straws, trying to
find a horse-related topic that didn't relate to Dan's lack of professional
success. But then he thinks of something. It's not great, but it's something.

"When we were kids, we used to set up courses, me on an eventer

and him on a quarter horse, and we'd race each other. And we'd take turns
setting up the courses, and we'd both cheat like crazy. Well, not cheat,
but…I'd set courses with lots of long gallops, and big jumps, and he'd set
courses with, like, a barrel-race in the middle, or…." Justin laughs to
himself, surprised by the memory. "This one time he had a course that was
like a horse-version of one of those Halloween haunted houses, you know?
He set up all these tarps to flap in the wind, and the horses had to take this
path between them, so close that the tarps actually hit them. And then you

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had to open the gate and walk through the Fosters' chicken yard, with all
these crazy birds squawking and flapping, and then you had to ride right
up the front steps of their porch and go along the side—they have this
great wrap-around porch—and down the back stairs. I can't even
remember all the stuff there was."

"So how far'd you get? On the eventer?" Dan sounds genuinely

interested.

Justin shakes his head. "I can't believe we got past the tarps, but we

did. But those chickens—there was no way on earth that horse was going
in the damn chicken yard."

Dan smiles and nods. "And how about the quarter horse?"
"Made it all the way through, the son-of-a-bitch! Took a shit on the

porch, though, and Chris's mom was not impressed. Said it was bad
enough that Christopher came home every day smelling like horses, she
didn't need them right up on the porch." Justin remembers Mrs. Foster
yelling at them, and how Chris had hung his head, not because he was
truly ashamed, but because he had to hide his triumphant grin.

"He still around? They still live there?" There's a new note in Dan's

voice, and Justin has to school himself to not hope that it might be a touch
of jealousy.

"His parents are still there…he lives in town now. He's a lawyer."
"Lawyer, huh?" Dan sounds like he's not a fan of the profession.

"You guys still friends?"

"Yeah, absolutely. We don't spend as much time together as when

we were kids, obviously, but, yeah, he's my best friend. And our parents
are friends, and his sisters are great. You know, kind of like extended
family."

Dan nods, and they drive on in silence again, but it feels a bit more

comfortable now, or at least Justin hopes it does. As they get closer to the
farm, he gives Dan directions, and suddenly they're there, Dan turning the
ignition off and climbing out, and Justin is following, but now that they've

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arrived, he's starting to wonder if the whole thing is a good idea. Well, not
the whole thing—he definitely still thinks that Dan is a good idea, but…

"We don't have to do anything, you know." Judging by the look on

Dan's face, that was a little too vague. "I mean…we can just go to sleep, if
you want. I can show you around tomorrow, we can go for a ride, and, you
know… we could get to know each other a bit better."

"How well do we need to know each other?" The barnyard is lit from

above, and Dan's facing away from the light, so his face is in shadows.
Justin doesn't think he needs to see it to know that Dan's got his mask back
on. Dan moves in, pulls Justin's face down and gives him a deep, probing
kiss. Justin can feel his body respond even as his brain hesitates, but he
fights for control.

"Are you sure you want this?" He manages to take a half-step

backwards.

Dan stares at him. "Yeah, I want it. Jesus, what's the problem?"
"I just… is this what you want, or what you think I want?"
"I don't even know what you're talking about. If you're not into it,

just say so, stop trying to blame me." Dan's voice is strained.

Justin shakes his head. "No, I'm not trying to blame you. But on the

roof, and in the truck… I don't know, you didn't seem too happy,
afterward. I just… nothing needs to happen tonight, you know?"

Dan looks a little stunned, then laughs bitterly. "You just don't want

to bottom, is that it? Fuck, man, I was just joking." He steps forward and
runs his hands down Justin's chest towards his groin. "We can do it any
way you want to…."

It takes superhuman strength to pull away, but Justin does it. "No,

Dan, it's not that, it's just…we should just slow down a little, I think…."

And then Dan steps away and his voice is cold, and tired. "Yeah,

okay." He shakes his head. "What the fuck, man? Did your car break down
and you needed a lift home? You could have just asked, you know…"

Now it's Justin who's moving forward, reaching out for some

contact. "No, Dan, I want this. I do, I just want to do it right." He looks

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around desperately, then moves towards the door that leads to the
apartment. "Let's just have a beer, and talk a bit, maybe, or go to sleep and
we can talk in the morning…."

"Yeah, okay. Talking. Sounds like a good time." Dan shakes his

head. "I don't know what you're after, man, but I don't think I'm the guy
you're looking for." He's back at the truck now, and he opens the driver's-
side door. "I'll see you around, Justin."

"No, shit, Dan, don't leave, man…"
"Nah, I've got a bit of a drive ahead of me, I'd better get going."
"You should stay, then, and make it in the morning…"
Dan's polite voice cuts through Justin. "Thanks, but I'll sleep better

in my own bed." He's in the truck now, and he shuts the door and turns the
ignition on. Justin thinks about making a grand gesture, throwing himself
in front of the vehicle, anything to stop Dan from driving out of his life.
But he just stands there as Dan backs up carefully and pulls away. The
driveway has lights along it, and as Dan heads out, Justin can see that he
doesn't look back.

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CHAPTER FIVE

"Okay, just run through it one more time." Chris's enjoyment of

Justin's pain is typical, and almost soothing. Almost. “So you've had a
crush on this guy for a year—even though you're not actually a pre-teen
girl—and you finally have the chance to get it on, and you talk him into
going back to your place, which is, like, an hour of highway driving away,
and when you get there, when you've finally got Mr. Perfect right where
want him, you chicken out and can't seal the deal." Chris is driving Justin
back to pick up his car, which, technically, is a favor, but Justin should
have known it wouldn't come for free. "Was it performance anxiety? Were
you afraid that it couldn't possibly be as romantic and perfect as you'd
dreamed about for so long?"

Chris shakes his head. "I think I've been pretty open-minded about

your obvious sexual deviancy, but this…you want to be gay, okay,
whatever… it's your dick. But I don't know if I can accept that you're such
a damn pussy."

Justin leans his head against the glass of the window and sighs. Chris

likes to make speeches, and he likes to make fun of Justin. So he's pretty
much in heaven right now. There's no point in trying to stop him, Justin
knows from experience. It's best to just wait it out.

"This is the con man, right? Were you afraid that he was going to lift

the silverware if you let him upstairs? Oh, that's right; you don't have
anything worth stealing in that shit hole." Chris sighs, and glances over at
Justin with a mock-dreamy expression. "Unless you were afraid he was
going to steal your heart…" Justin flinches a little, and he knows that
Chris sees it because the other man is quiet for a moment. "Shit, Justin,
seriously? Are you really that hung up on this guy?" Chris sounds like he's
not sure if this is the funniest thing ever, or if it's actually too sad to make
fun of. He seems to be waiting for a response.

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"I don't know…" Justin sighs again. "I guess maybe I am. I mean,

it's…it's different, somehow." He looks out the window, and remembers
the mix of apprehension and hope in Dan's real smiles. "He's…I don't
know. There's something there. Something good."

Chris is quiet for a minute. "Shit. How bad do you figure you fucked

it up last night?"

Justin shakes his head. "Pretty bad, maybe. It was… he booked out

of there pretty fast, and he was kinda mad."

"Yeah, no shit. You make him drive you all the way home, when

you've got a perfectly good car just sitting there, and then he doesn't even
get off? That's not cool, man."

Justin can feel Chris building up for another of his lectures on sexual

etiquette, and he decides to make a pre-emptive strike. He hadn't told
Chris the whole story of the night, but now he thinks maybe he should add
a detail or two. "Well, that's not entirely true…he did get off, once at
least."

Chris looks confused. "Wait, what? You said you backed out as soon

as you got home…."

"Yeah, but… rest stops aren't just for resting anymore." He knows he

sounds a little smug, but he can't help it.

It takes a minute to sink in. "Jesus, really? So, why'd you chicken out

at home?"

"Okay, I didn't chicken out…I just didn't want to rush things."
"What rushing? If you already did it at the rest stop…"
"No, the rest stop was just blow jobs."
Chris shakes his head. "Oh, just blow jobs. Fuck, why can't I be gay?

I could have just blow jobs for a long time and still be pretty damn
happy." Justin thinks of Dan's mouth, his hands, and he has to agree that
he'd be happy with just that for a long time too. Hell, he'd be happy with
just a smile.

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While Justin's been reminiscing, Chris has obviously been thinking.

"Is that… do you think he thought you'd got what you came for, and that's
why you pushed him away?"

"What?" Chris can be pretty perceptive sometimes, but Justin is

never sure when it's one of those times.

"Well, you said he was getting some serious love at the bar, so it's

not like he had to drive you cross country just to get laid. And he agreed to
spend the night with you, and hang out the next day, which is a serious
amount of time to spend with someone you've just met, right? So…
presumably he liked you. Wanted to get to know you."

Justin nods cautiously. "I guess."
"Okay, so then you get some action, and don't seem interested in any

more. Is it possible that he thought that's all you were after, and that's why
he got pissy?"

"But…I said he should stay, and we could hang out…."
"Yeah, dude…I don't know how things are in the gay world, but if a

girl brought me home, then we fooled around, then she said she didn't
want to have sex but we could still hang out the next day, I'd take it as a
pretty clear brush off. Like 'I hope we can still be friends,' territory." Chris
grins a little ruefully. "I might even ask myself if maybe she hadn't
appreciated what she'd gotten, if maybe she thought the free sample didn't
justify the full sale."

"But, I tried to make it clear that… Fuck! The sample was

incredible!" Justin buries his head in his hands. "How could he not know
that I want him? Everybody wants him!"

Chris shakes his head. "I don't know, man. Maybe he's been burned

too many times. Or, fuck, maybe it's something else altogether, I don't
know. I mean—maybe he just wanted to get laid. I don't know why he
wouldn't take the easier targets at the bar, but maybe he had a reason."

"Shit. I… do you think I fucked it up for good?"
Chris shrugs unconcernedly. "I don't know… maybe. But, hey,

you're Justin Archer. You can do whatever you set your mind to, right?"

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Justin gives Chris a doubtful look. This is uncharacteristically

supportive. Chris sees the look and grins, then slaps Justin in the chest,
hard. "Fuck off, man, I'm trying to be good. So… you just need a plan,
right? A way to get things back on track? And maybe…." Chris shakes his
head. "Maybe this time, you think a little more with your big head, you
know? Don't be a cocktease—if you're not going to put out, make it clear
from the start, and make sure he understands why."

"This time? How is there going to be a 'this time'? I don't know his

number, or where he lives, or anything."

"Well, you know where he works. I guess they probably don't give

his number out, but you could always go back there and wait for him to
show up…"

"Is that stalker territory?"
"Going to a bar because you're hot for the bartender? Pretty standard

behavior, I'd say. Don't go grabbing at him or anything. And you might
want to take a wingman." Chris grins. "Even if it doesn't help you out, it'll
be entertaining to watch you stumble around…"

They're in town now, and Justin points to the turn they need to take.

Talking to Chris is always a mixed blessing—the advice is generally good,
but Justin almost always walks away feeling like an idiot. But it's good to
have the start of a plan, at least. He can go to the bar. He wonders if Dan
works any nights but Saturday. That'd been the only time he mentioned,
and he'd been picking up a horse the other day when they'd run into each
other, so he's still working with horses sometimes, at least.

They're almost at the bar now, stopped at a light, and Justin stares

out the window. They're outside a cafe that has a patio, and there are
people eating brunch, and they all seem happy, relaxed. Justin's eyes are
distracted by a pair of broad shoulders in a grey T-shirt walking by, a
canvas duffle slung over one side, and then the guy turns his head for a
moment, and Justin sees his face.

"Holy shit!"
Chris jerks his head around at Justin's exclamation. "What?"

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"That's him…." Justin gestures helplessly, and is torn between

wanting to slide down in his seat to avoid detection and wanting to jump
out and chase after Dan. He's not really ready, he doesn't have a plan…
but this seems like fate, doesn't it?

Chris cranes his neck to get a better look. "The guy with the bag?"
"No, asshole, the 70 year-old man beside him…"
"Don't get testy with me, son." The light changes, and Chris puts the

car in gear, but he's driving slowly. "What do you want to do? Should
we… oh, hey, there you go. He's doing laundry."

Sure enough, Dan has ducked inside a Laundromat. "Shit, okay, is

this stalker territory? If I go try to talk to him while he's doing his
laundry?"

"Dude, have you honestly never picked a guy up before? Stalking is

about intimidation, and trying to make somebody afraid… are you trying
to make him afraid? Do you have any reason to believe that he will be
afraid, even if causing fear isn't your intention?"

"No. He's pissed off, maybe, but not afraid… this whole thing is

making me crazy."

Chris grins. "Yeah, I noticed. It's fun." He pulls into a parking spot,

but doesn't turn the engine off. "Okay, your car's close to here, right?"
Justin nods, so Chris continues. "So, get your neurotic ass out of my
vehicle. You don't want a wingman for the Laundromat, right? So you can
decide on your own whether to be a man and go talk to him, or to be a shy
little boy and just get in your car and go. But I gotta say, man… this
angsty bullshit was fun for a one-hour car ride, but I am not listening to
your moaning for a whole damn week. So if the only other time you know
to find this guy is next Saturday night, then I strongly recommend the
Laundromat approach."

Chris looks thoughtful. "I bet there's a pick-up line in there

somewhere—something about how you didn't know you needed to do a
wash, but you saw him and suddenly felt all dirty…." He shakes his head.

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"Well, that's not very good. But you've got about 45 seconds while you're
walking back there… maybe you could think of something."

Justin has a moment of indecision. Things seem to be happening too

fast, and he's not ready. But he still wants Dan, and he's not going to let a
little stage fright get in the way of fixing whatever went wrong the night
before. "Right, okay." He pats his pockets to be sure that his wallet and
keys are still with him, then reaches for the door handle. "Yeah, I'm doing
it. Yeah." He climbs out and then pokes his head back inside. "Thanks for
the ride, man."

Chris nods. "Call me later, let me know how it turns out." And then

Justin shuts the door and Chris pulls back out into traffic, and Justin is
alone on the sidewalk. He takes a deep breath and starts walking. He's got
the nervous feeling again, like before a big event; he likes the sensation
when he's riding, he tells himself, so he should be able to adjust to it in his
personal life. It makes him feel really alive, like all of his senses are on
high alert—it's exhausting, but not unpleasant.

He pauses again outside the door to the Laundromat. He can see

through the big window in front, and Dan is inside, stuffing clothes into
washing machines. He's really jamming them in, getting them too tightly
packed, and it's the first time Justin thinks he's seen Dan do something
inefficiently. Dan seems angry, really, and Justin isn't sure whether the
guy just really hates doing laundry or if something else is bothering him.
He shakes his head away from that train of thought, and pulls the door
open.

Dan doesn't even look up, and Justin walks closer and then just

stands there, waiting. Trying not to stare at the way the muscles on Dan's
forearms twist as he shoves at his clothes. Then Dan looks up and sees
Justin, and Justin is able to add another genuine emotion to his catalogue
of Dan faces. Surprised. This is what Dan looks like when he's surprised.

"Justin. Hey." And this is what Dan looks like when he's shutting

down and putting on his game face.

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"Hi." Justin realizes that he really has no plan whatsoever. "I was

just picking up my car, and I saw you, and…." Justin looks around. The
Laundromat is deserted, although a few of the machines are running. But
they have enough privacy for a conversation, at least. "I just wanted to
apologize for… whatever went wrong last night. I, uh…." Justin gets the
feeling that he may not have a lot more chances with Dan. Hell, he may
already have run out. So he decides that he needs to put it on the line.

"I just wanted to say… I wanted to be sure you knew… this isn't like

me. Not at all. I'm usually… I'm usually not a total loser, you know? I
mean, I see guys I like, we hang out, we get together or not, it's… not a
big deal. Usually." Justin pauses for a breath, and to try to collect himself.
"So, this thing… I mean… Okay, straight up? I've been thinking about you
for a year now. Wanting you. It's got me kind of insane, I think. Because,
the thing is, I don't just want you… I like you, too. I feel like there's
something there, something real, and I want to get to know you better."
Dan still has his game face on, but he's listening, at least. Justin decides
that he'll just keep going until somebody stops him. "I told you this last
night, I know, and I thought you got it, but then… okay, maybe I screwed
up, maybe we should have just fucked and it would have been great and
we could have gone from there, I don't know…."

Justin takes a step closer, and Dan doesn't step away. "I just want to

do this right. I don't want to act like it's just sex when I want it to be more,
because I'm afraid that if we start off that way, we'll never get any
further." Dan still isn't saying anything, and Justin begins to rethink his
resolution to just keep talking. He feels like he's run out of things to say.
"So, I don't know where to go from here, or if you're at all into this, or if
I'm just making a fool of myself. Again." Justin thinks maybe Dan's eyes
are changing a little, like maybe the mask is slipping, but Justin isn't sure
if he likes the new expression. Dan looks scared.

Justin forces himself to take a step back. "Okay, so, obviously I'm

not going to force anything on you, or…." He has no idea what else to say,
no idea what Dan could be scared about. Or maybe he's misreading the

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expression entirely. "I guess this wasn't too cool. I mean, you probably just
woke up," and given the context, there's no way that thinking about that
should make Justin's stomach churn with want, but he can't deny that it
does. He tries to ignore it. "And you just came down to do some damn
laundry, and then there's some psycho babbling at you about his feelings
and shit, and…."

Finally, Dan interrupts. "What would you want to do?" Justin doesn't

quite follow, so Dan elaborates. "I mean, if I was into this… the… the
'something real' thing… what does that mean?"

Justin tries to squash the hope before it makes him giddy, before it

raises him up so high that the fall will hurt too much. "Uh, I don't really
know, to be honest." He risks a grin, and the hope flares again when Dan
smiles back, cautiously. "Maybe… brunch? I mean, it's not like I don't
want sex. Sex is real, I think. I just…." He steps forward again. "I just
want to know you. I want to have sex with Dan, not just with some
anonymous hot guy. Is that… I don't know… is that okay?"

Dan's quiet for a minute, and then he looks back up, and Justin can

see him fighting to control his emotions. "But what if you get to know me
and you don't like me?" He laughs a little, but Justin can tell that there's no
humor in it. "I mean… you think you like me now, but you don't really
know me. So maybe once you do…." Dan lets his voice trail off.

"I can honestly say that never occurred to me." Justin smiles, but

Dan doesn't respond, so Justin tries to address the question in more detail.
"I guess that's a risk, just like there's a chance that you won't like me.
But… what are we risking, really? I mean… what have we got now?"

Dan looks back at him, and Justin has a frustrating feeling like he's

almost got this figured out, but there's still something dancing outside of
his understanding. Dan looks down, and then back up, and his mask is
gone, and Justin sees a lost little boy, wanting to believe that he's been
found, but not able to accept it. "Now? I'm… okay… right now. If we start
this, and it goes… if it goes where it always goes… I don't want to do that
again. I…." Dan looks down, and Justin can barely hear his next words. "I

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don't think I can do that again." And Dan has apparently made his mind
up, because he's stepping backwards, but Justin follows him. He reaches
out and grabs Dan's hand, softly, barely even touching him, but it's enough
to stop Dan in his tracks.

Justin moves his body closer, but he's careful not to crowd in. He's

reminded again of working with a spooked horse, and that moment of
tension when the horse could go either way, could start calming down or
could explode into a full panic. Justin wants to be sure he doesn't give Dan
any reason to explode.

"Okay…" he says, trying to make his voice soothing without being

patronizing. "I don't know what that means, exactly. I don't know where it
always goes. Maybe… maybe you're right, and we shouldn't even try. I
guess you have to look after yourself, and, you know, it's not like I want to
see you hurt." Justin is caught by that idea. "Jesus, I really don't want to
see you hurt. And it would be even worse to think that I'd caused it…." He
feels like he's walking on very dangerous ground. "Maybe… do you think
we could just be friends? Like, get to know each other as friends, and then
we can reassess down the line?"

Dan glances at him, then takes a step forward and turns a little. He's

not touching Justin, but he's right in his space, and Justin can feel his
breath, can sense every movement of his body, and the attraction is
unbelievable, like every cell of Justin's body is magnetized and Dan is the
opposite pole, and it's not just his arms that ache to reach out, it's every
part of him… Oh.

Dan steps away and smiles ruefully. "I don't think 'just friends' is

really on the table, do you?"

"Okay, but I could… I don't know, I can get over that… somehow. I

mean, it shoudn't be your problem."

"Jesus, Justin, do you think it's just you?" Dan huffs out a little

unbelieving sound. "You think I don't want you back just as much?"

Justin gives himself a moment to absorb that. "Okay. Okay, that's…

that’s good to know. But then… okay, you say 'just friends' isn't an option,

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and I see your point. But… can you see my point, that I don't want
'walking away' to be an option, either?"

Dan looks at him and then nods. "I see what you're saying, I just…

what does that leave us?"

Justin looks at the clothes Dan has stuffed into the washers. "I don't

know. Maybe brunch? While you're waiting for the wash?" Justin grins.
"It'll be public enough that we should be able to keep our hands off each
other, and we can just, you know, relax a little."

Dan looks doubtful, but he finally nods. "Yeah, okay." His smile is

shy, and it breaks Justin's heart. He wants to wrap Dan up in warm
blankets and feed him soup and homemade cookies, and snuggle up
behind him while he sleeps. Justin isn't sure what to do with these urges,
and he doesn't really think Dan would appreciate it if he tried to act on
them. At least not yet.

Dan loosens up the clothes he's stuffed in the washers and nods

Justin in the direction of the soap, so Justin adds that while Dan puts the
coins in and starts the machine. It feels cozy and domestic and Justin is
practically glowing by the end. Jesus, how did he get this far gone so fast?

He's grinning like a fool when they walk out of the Laundromat, and

he knows that Dan is watching him like he's a chimpanzee at the zoo. Oh
well. As long as Justin's stupidity doesn't totally turn Dan off, maybe it'll
be good to seem a bit vulnerable. It might make Dan feel a bit safer. He
fights the urge to hold Dan's hand; Justin doesn't know Lexington too well,
but there aren't many neighbourhoods in Kentucky—hell, not that many in
the country—where two guys holding hands wouldn't seem like an
invitation to trouble. And Justin's not really much of a crusader, and he
doesn't want to freak Dan out too much. He contents himself with letting
their fingers brush together, and Dan doesn't move away.

Dan points at a restaurant across the street and Justin shrugs and

heads for it. He doesn't really care what they eat. When they get there, a
table is just clearing, and they sit down and have coffee in front of them
immediately. The waiter smiles at Dan.

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"Hey, Dan. We haven't seen you for a couple days." The waiter

smiles, and it's not over the top, more friendly than flirtatious, and Justin
still wants to hit him in the face.

Dan responds with something noncommittal, and the waiter goes to

serve other customers, and Justin tries to get himself back under control.
He isn't a jealous guy, and he sure as hell doesn't want to become one—he
needs to put a lid on this. He thinks he's got himself under control, but as
soon as he speaks, he hears the disapproving tone in his voice and wants to
kick himself.

"So you come here a lot?"
Dan looks a little defensive, which isn't surprising, since Justin could

hear the aggression himself. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's close by, and I'm not
much of a cook."

Justin nods, forces himself to calm down. "Yeah, that makes sense. I

just mooch meals off my parents a lot of the time… not many restaurants
in the country." He smiles, and Dan relaxes a little. "So, how about you—
do you have family around here?"

Dan tenses up again, but he responds casually. "Nah, they're back in

Texas, but we're not really in touch."

Justin wants to know more, but he doesn't want to push. "That must

be hard."

"Nope. Hell of a lot easier than living with them." Dan catches the

waiter's attention, apparently looking for a way to change the topic. "I'm
good to order—Justin? You ready?" Justin nods, although he hasn't really
looked at the menu, and when Dan orders a breakfast special, he says to
make it two. The restaurant looks pretty mainstream, so he assumes he's
not going to be served yak brains or anything.

They don't talk much while they wait for their food, and at first

Justin is desperate, worrying that Dan is going to take this as a sign of
their lack of compatibility, or some underlying tension, or even that he's
just going to get restless. But then Justin notices that Dan seems pretty
content. He's watching the people around them, and every now and then

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he'll catch Justin's eye and smile a little. They're sitting right by the
window, and Dan angles his chair a bit so he can look outside and see the
traffic on the sidewalk. But then, as Justin starts to calm down, he notices
that Dan starts getting more tense.

Finally, Dan speaks. "Is this boring? It just occurred to me… I come

here alone a lot, and I'm acting like I do then. But… I guess it's pretty
boring, huh?" He looks around almost desperately, as if he thinks a circus
may start performing at the next table. "I, uh… we could talk?"

"Dude… trust me, I'm not bored. It's…." Justin blushes a little, but

he forces himself to continue. "It's nice. Like we don't have to talk. But we
can if you want to, obviously."

Their food comes, thankfully, before Justin can embarrass himself

further, and it takes their attention for a while. Justin doesn't really know
how to describe the way he's feeling. He's not enjoying himself, exactly;
he's too tense to call it that. But he can't imagine wanting to be anywhere
else, or with anyone else, more than he wants to be here with Dan. Okay,
well, he could think of better places, maybe, but not better company. Even
though, by any objective standard, Dan is terrible company, all touchy and
keyed up. Although the sexual willingness should certainly count in his
favor.

"Your food okay?" Dan asks, nodding to Justin's almost untouched

plate.

"Oh, yeah, it's good. I…." Justin decides that the total-openness

policy worked pretty well in the Laundromat, so he might as well keep it
going. "Actually, I already had a pretty big breakfast. I just couldn't think
of what else to suggest we do."

Dan looks at him in disbelief for a second, then throws his head back

and laughs, and it's a real laugh, not one of his bitter, angry ones. He leans
forward and grins. "Dude… I already had breakfast too. I'm about to make
myself sick trying to eat all this!"

Justin nods, and then laughs himself. "Okay, so… planning and

communication, two areas we should work on." He pulls his wallet out

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and tucks more than enough money under the side of his plate. "Let's get
out of here, then. We talked about going for a ride today—you still up for
that?" He raises his hands defensively. "No strings, no commitments, just
horses. You can throw your laundry in the dryer before we go—we can
hang around and wait for it if you want, or you could bring it along wet, if
you wanted, and dry it at my place."

Dan's starting to look a little spooked, and Justin wonders if he's

gone too far. But then Dan nods. "You don't mind? The laundry, I mean?"

Justin tries to play it cool, tries to pretend that the idea of Dan

bringing all his clothes over doesn't have him dancing in the street with
pre-teen glee. "Nah, it's no problem."

Dan smiles slowly. "Yeah, okay, then…let's ride."

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CHAPTER SIX

Dan working with horses is just about the sexiest thing Justin's ever

seen.

Well, okay, not sexier than Dan with his shirt pushed up and his

pants pushed down, lying back on the front seat of his truck. And not
sexier than Dan leaning over Justin, wetting his lips and then lowering
them…

Dan working with horses is just about the sexiest non-sexual thing

Justin's ever seen. But that just makes Justin feel like a pervert for taking
the innocent, sweet rapport Dan has with the animals and making it about
sex. But, honestly, the way he runs his hands over them, like he knows just
where they want to be touched, the way he murmurs to them, reading their
reactions and responding, the way he's clearly in charge, but gentle about
it… Justin shakes his head vigorously, but it does no good. Dan with
horses is hot. He can't help it.

Of course, Dan with lepers would be probably be hot, too, 'cause it's

Dan, but not this hot.

Dan looks up and smiles at him, and it's the real smile, and Justin

resolves to keep Dan around horses as much as possible, not just for the
sexiness, but for the relaxed happiness. It's a bit sad that Dan trusts horses
more than he trusts humans, but it's obviously true. "Should I tack him
up?" Dan asks, and Justin rips his mind back to the present. His own horse
is barely half-groomed, but Justin decides to skip over that detail; it's not
like the horse was really dirty, and the saddle area's clean and his hooves
are picked, so…

"Yeah, sure…" Justin walks with Dan towards the tack room, and

they brush against each other in the doorway and Justin almost passes out
from the rush of desire. He leans against the wall, trying to collect himself.
This is just not workable. But he was the one who had suggested they try

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being friends, and, okay, Dan had shot that down pretty fast, but that
doesn't mean that Justin still shouldn't at least try, shouldn't be showing
Dan that he wants more than his body. But then Dan is there, looking at
Justin with concern on his face.

"You okay, man?" Dan asks, and then looks a little more closely and

blushes. Justin thinks it's the first time he's seen Dan show any sort of
embarrassment about anything sexual, and doesn't know if it's a step
forward or a step back. "Oh," Dan whispers, and he moves in closer, right
into Justin's space. "How private is the barn? I mean, we don't want your
parents to walk in on us…"

"No, Dan, you don't have to. Just because I'm acting like a teenager

doesn't mean that you have to… do anything about it." Justin is blushing
now too.

Dan shrugs. "Dude, it's not like I mind. I just don't know about

location."

Once again, Justin isn't sure if he should push it or not, but at least

here he can steer Dan back out towards the horses if things go badly. "But
I don't want you to think that you're… that you're my toy, or something. I
mean… you're not just here to get me off, you know?"

Dan gives him a doubtful look and runs a hand down over Justin's

groin. Justin moans at the contact, and Dan frowns. "You trying to tell me
you can ride like that?"

Justin laughs a little. "Not comfortably, no. But…." Justin looks at

Dan, who seems calm and collected. "You're not into it right now, and
that's cool. It's not…."

"Dude, you can owe me one. And, hey, I'm only not into it because I was
paying attention to my horse. I don't think it would take me long to get
into it, if you want to put the horses in their stalls and go upstairs."

"No, man, you came out here to go for a ride, not… not a ride…."
"Okay, then…" Dan nods towards the stairs to the storage loft. "How

about up there? You're wound so tight…I bet I can get you off in less than

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a minute. From the time your pants are down." He grins cockily. "You
want to take that bet?"

"Not just me…I mean…"
"I already said you can owe me one." Dan reaches one hand down

for Justin's hand, and keeps the other on his jeans. "We can do it here if
you want. I mean it, I don't think it'll take long."

Justin groans. His brain has no idea what to do, but his dick is pretty

damn clear. "Yeah, okay… upstairs, though…."

Dan leans in and kisses Justin hard and fast, then pulls away.

"Upstairs to the apartment, or just upstairs here?" He grinds his thigh in
against Justin, and Justin gasps, feeling the wave of pleasure starting to
build. He pushes Dan off almost roughly, but Dan doesn't seem to mind.

"Just upstairs here. Now." He guides Dan in front of him, but it's not

like the guy needs a lot of encouragement, and they're both up the stairs in
a flash. Dan shoves Justin back against the beam at the top of the stairs
and kisses him, but Justin pushes his head down. He doesn't want to be
that guy, but he's going to come in his pants if Dan keeps going the way he
is.

Dan seems to understand, and he's quick to get Justin's fly undone

and work Justin free, closing his lips around him and taking him in with
no preamble. After that it's just sensory overload, with Dan using his lips,
his tongue, taking Justin right down his throat, humming, using his hands
everywhere… Justin doesn't check his watch, but he's pretty sure that it's
well under a minute before he's swearing and Dan is pulling back a little,
just far enough to give himself room to avoid choking as Justin climaxes
almost painfully, hips thrusting a little at the end, every muscle in his body
spasming with pleasure.

Dan milks him through the aftershocks and then pulls back. He

wipes his chin with his arm before he stands up, and once he's upright he
just sort of hovers, looking uncertain. Justin's having a bit of trouble
focusing on anything, but this doesn't seem right. He reaches out and pulls
Dan towards him, and Dan comes willingly enough, but he stops with his

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face an inch or two away from Justin's, looking like he's not sure what
comes next.

Justin runs a hand down Dan's stomach, but Dan squirms away

before Justin gets anywhere interesting, laughing nervously. "No, man, I'm
good…."

Justin pulls Dan back so their faces are close, but he keeps his hands

to himself. "Dude, you're way better than good. You sure I can't show my
appreciation?"

"Nah, the horses are waiting for us. We should get back down there."
Justin can't argue with that, and it's not like he's never had a non-

reciprocated blow job before, but….

Before his pleasure-fuzzed brain can sort out why it feels wrong,

Dan is heading for the stairs. Justin does up his pants and hurries after
him, still trying to recover his equilibrium.

The tack room has everything clearly labeled, and by the time Justin

catches up Dan has Bailey's saddle and bridle slung over his arm. He looks
at Justin questioningly, but Justin just steps aside and lets Dan head out to
the barn. Dan knows how to saddle a horse, and Justin needs a minute.

He takes his own tack out not much later, easing past Dan's horse to

his own. Justin knows that Dan watches him as he goes by, but he doesn't
look over. He's not sure what he's doing, he just feels a little overwhelmed.
He gets the saddle on Titan, but that's as far as he's going until he's
clarified the situation a little. He turns and walks up the aisle. Dan's
already tacked up and is standing there waiting quietly, and he looks
unsure as Justin approaches. For once, Justin is anything but unsure. He
reaches an arm out and turns Dan's head and brings their mouths together,
and this time he makes sure to control the kiss, to keep it sweet and gentle,
and Dan tries to push forward and heat it up, but Justin smiles and nudges
him back. "No way, man, we're going riding, remember?" He pulls away.
"I was just saying hi."

Dan looks at him quizzically. "Okay… hi."

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"Nah, I like my way better." Justin grins, and finally, this feels right.

"And you'd better get used to my way, man, 'cause I think I'm going to be
doing that a lot. As much as you'll let me." He steps back then, but doesn't
turn around, just shuffles backwards towards his horse as he watches Dan.

Dan looks at Justin like he's a whole new species, but then he looks

down at the ground, and when he looks back up he's smiling shyly. "Yeah,
okay. I guess that'd be okay."

Justin knows that he's grinning like a lunatic, but he doesn't worry

about it too much. Dan seems to like him when he's being a loser.

They lead the horses outside and mount up. Dan had a helmet in his

car, and Justin's happy that he just puts it on, without acting like it's a big
deal. The helmets might not fit the romantic cowboy ideal, but they do a
pretty good job of protecting their wearers' brains. Eventing is dangerous
enough even with the protective equipment, and Justin doesn't like to see
people taking stupid risks.

Justin's already given Dan the run down on his horse; he's trained as

an eventer, but he really doesn't have the drive for cross country, so he's
for sale. He'll be a solid first eventer for somebody, but he's never going to
be much of a competitor. In the meantime, he's got no serious vices, and
he'll be a good hack for Dan to get to know the terrain on. Dan didn't
object, but Justin's wondering if he should have given the guy a more
challenging horse, something with a bit more fire. But Justin wants to be
sure he doesn't jeopardize the training of one of their competitive horses
just because he's trying to impress a guy he's got a crush on.

They ride out of the stable yard and Justin closes the gate behind

them, and then they're riding side by side towards the back of the farm.
Bailey gets turned out with Titan, another reason Justin thought he'd be a
good horse for Dan to ride; they can get close to each other without
worrying about the horses getting snippy. And Justin really doesn't want
anything getting in the way of being close to Dan.

They head for the back of the property, first at a walk, then trotting

for a bit, and finally at an easy canter. There are jumps set up along one

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side of the trail, but it's easy to go around them and stay on the flat. Justin
does that for the first couple, then looks over at Dan. The guy looks totally
at home in the saddle, and Justin calls over to him, "I'm going to do the
jumps—you can too, if you want."

Dan nods, and as they approach the next jump Dan slows his horse

and falls in behind Justin, a few paces back, and after Justin clears the
jump he turns and sees Dan pop over it easily. It actually… it actually
looked a bit too easy, as if Dan wasn't having to work all that hard to get
Bailey to work. For the next jump, it's Justin who slows and Dan rides
ahead, and Justin can see the whole thing from a different angle, and
damned if Bailey isn't taking the jumps with more enthusiasm than Justin's
ever seen out of him. He actually seems to be enjoying himself.

Somehow this has changed from a simple country hack to a training

ride, and Justin gestures for Dan to slow down a little, then trots up beside
him. "Do you mind if we do a few more jumps? The way to the hill is over
there, but I want to see him jump with a little more speed, see if he's still
happy…."

Dan nods like it's not a big deal, so Justin continues. "Set your pace

to mine, but I'll go along the flat while you take him over the jumps,
okay?" Dan nods again. Justin hopes this is fair, hopes he isn't taking
advantage of Dan's day off to make him do work. "Or we don't have to, if
you'd rather just go up the hill…."

Dan laughs a little. "No, it's fine. It's fun—he's better than I usually

get to ride, for sure. I'm good."

Justin nods, and they start off again, this time building up more

speed between the jumps. Dan's got great timing, slowing Bailey just
enough to get the strides right and to get the necessary height, and damned
if Bailey isn't still jumping better than Justin's ever seen him. The horse's
technique has always been good, he's just lacked enthusiasm, but today,
with Dan on him, he looks like he's having a great time.

They finish the run and Justin brings Titan down to a walk, and Dan

falls in beside him. Bailey is lathered a bit, clearly been working, but he's

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still prancing around, acting as if he'd like to do more. Dan is sweaty and a
little out of breath too, and Justin has to school himself to not think of
other activities that might have Dan looking that way. "That was great,
man. He really seemed to have fun."

Dan nods and slaps the horse's sweaty neck. "Yeah, we both did.

Thanks."

"No, thank you. We pay exercise riders to do a lot less good than you

just did."

"Oh. Okay, then, I'll send you my bill." Dan grins and lets Bailey

dance a few steps ahead. Titan catches up easily, and they ride side by side
back towards the hill. When they get to the woods, the path narrows, and
Dan falls back so they can ride single file. Justin doesn't really like it, not
being able to see Dan. He's not afraid that Dan will take off, exactly—the
guy seems much too deferential about the horse to remove himself from
Justin's sphere of authority while they're riding. It's more that he thinks…
well, not thinks, he doesn't think that Dan's going to just vanish, to end up
being a hallucination of the perfect man… Justin makes himself stop
thinking in those terms. It's both insane and pathetic—not a great
combination.

And when they get clear of the trees, the path widens, and Dan rides

up beside him again, so Justin had no reason to worry. All the same, it's
good to be able to keep him in view.

They get to the top of the hill and Justin takes a moment to

appreciate the view. It's not the Grand Canyon or the Pyramids or
anything, but it's home, and that makes it resonate more powerfully than
any other place. There are so many memories up here, it's almost like
Justin can see friendly little ghosts of his past selves: one's scrambling up
the hill with Chris, racing to the top while their horses graze placidly
nearby; another ghost is sitting over under that tree, fighting a losing battle
against being attracted to a boy instead of a girl; and there's another ghost,
from only a few months later, making out with the boy in question, guilt
overridden by need and teenage hormones. The hill has been Justin's

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playground and his refuge, and he's suddenly a bit tentative about showing
it to Dan, worried that the other man might not realize how special it is.

Dan's looking around quietly, but when he senses Justin watching

him, he smiles. "Do you ever—" He breaks off, looking like he regrets
having started, but then he forces himself to continue. "Do you ever, when
you see a place like this… sometimes I kind of get flashed back in time, or
something… and I can see it—well, imagine it, or whatever—before
people came, before the city was over there, or even your farm. Just trees,
and some clearings, and animals…." Dan stops and looks away. "Crazy,
right?"

Justin slings a leg over Titan's back and jumps to the ground. He

keeps a hand on the end of the horse's reins, but lets him lower his head to
graze; it's a bad habit, but Justin doesn't care right now. He takes the few
steps to Dan's side and stretches up, then pulls at Dan's hand until he can
catch his arm, pulls at that until Dan bends almost in two and Justin can
bring their mouths together. He makes the kiss soft again, and this time
Dan doesn't push forward, although that may have more to do with Dan's
awkward position on the horse than with him actually developing any
sense of restraint. When they break apart, Justin keeps his face so close
that his eyes can barely focus, and Dan just sits still for a moment, and
then whispers, "hi?"

Justin nods. "Hi. And, no, not crazy." He sneaks another quick kiss,

then gives Dan a gentle shove back to upright. "Sorry. You're going to
break your back."

Dan shakes his head. "No, I was fine." And he proves it, bending

down again and reaching an arm out, catching Justin behind the neck and
pulling him in, and apparently the awkward position wasn't what was
holding him back, because he manages to make the kiss pretty damn
intense even while bent in two.

Justin feels his body responding and pulls back with a groan. "Jesus,

Dan, either stop doing that or get your ass off the damn horse and do it
right."

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Dan grins. "I dunno, man, from the sound of things I was doing

pretty well." He keeps his eyes locked on Justin's as he slides down off the
horse and brings the long line of his body up against Justin's.

Justin groans again. "You're doing even better now." Some distant

part of Justin's brain tries to remind him of something about taking things
easy, going slow, but Justin is able to ignore it pretty effectively. He wants
Dan, wants him naked and horizontal and going slow was a stupid idea
anyway. He glances at the two horses grazing quietly and then back at
Dan, stealing kisses every few words. "Let's just tie their reins and let
them graze for a bit. They're both tired, they won't go far."

Dan looks doubtful. "What if something spooks them, or if they head

for home?"

"We're still inside the farm's fence, so they'll be fine." He makes his

kiss as persuasive as possible, and can feel Dan's body molding to his.

"What if somebody comes up here?" Dan's voice is a little gaspy,

and Justin's pretty sure he's won the argument. "You said they ride horses
on the hill…." Justin grinds in with his thigh and Dan's last word trails off
in a moan.

"We're good. No exercise riders on Sunday. And my parents hardly

ever come up here." Justin has to break away from Dan in order to tie a
knot in Titan's reins, enough so that the reins won't fall over his head and
get stepped on. He lets the horse go then, and reaches behind Dan and
does the same to Bailey. Dan's watching him, and when Justin's done he
turns back to Dan and takes advantage of having both hands free.

For all their fumblings, they haven't really spent much time with

their clothes off, and Justin really wants to change that situation. Again, he
doesn't have wine and roses, there's no big romantic scene. But the sun is
warm, the grass is soft, and it's not like he and Dan really need any
external help in order to want each other.

Dan seems to be on the same page as Justin, reaching out and

tugging at his shirt, and Justin eagerly lifts his arms and lets Dan pull the
fabric up and over. Dan's mouth is on Justin's skin as soon as it's exposed,

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warm and wet, exploring, and Justin can't decide if he wants to rush things
along or just keep doing this all day. Dan decides for him, opening Justin's
fly and slipping his pants and underwear down together. Dan kneels to
pull the clothes all the way down, but he doesn't stand up, instead cutting
his eyes slyly towards Justin and then nuzzling his mouth in to Justin’s
groin.

It feels incredible, of course, but Justin's had this, and now he wants

more. He wants Dan to have more. He reaches down and pulls Dan up,
and he comes willingly. Justin doesn't know whether to be thankful for
Dan's tractability or worried about it, but he puts it from his mind for now,
just focuses on the task at hand. He pulls Dan's shirt over his head and
kisses him as he brings their chests together, and the skin-on-skin contact,
the warm softness covering the strength of Dan's muscles… it's perfect.
Dan's moving, rippling against him, and Justin wants more, impatiently
working at Dan's fly and then shoving his pants down. Dan toes them off,
and finally they're both naked together. Justin doesn't know what to do
first, to look or to taste or to touch. He settles for a weird combination of
all three, and he knows he's fumbling, but he can't help himself and Dan
doesn't seem to care.

Finally he pulls back, trying to refocus. This is too special for him to

be acting like an inexperienced school boy. Dan looks at him
questioningly, and Justin nods to the ground. "Can we lie down? I
want…." Justin doesn't finish, doesn't know how to put all that he wants
into words, but Dan just lowers himself to the grass, sitting with his arms
around his knees and waiting for Justin to join him.

Justin doesn't waste any time, falling to his knees and leaning over

Dan. He feels Dan stretch out under him as Justin lowers himself, and they
end up with Dan lying on his back, Justin lying half on him, half beside
him. "I didn't bring…." Justin laughs huskily. "I've got to get it figured
out, if we're going slow or going for it, because I didn't bring anything."

Dan shakes his head. "Me neither. We can just…" and he rolls over a

little, bringing their hard cocks into alignment. He reaches for one of

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Justin's hands and brings it down, wraps it around both of them from one
side and wraps his own around them from the other, and Justin's hips buck
at the sensation. Dan smiles and rubs their hands up over the heads and
then back down, sliding a little more smoothly with the precome.

Justin wants to take his time, and savor every moment, but Dan is

too much to resist. He's moving against Justin, hips rolling, hands
roaming, and his skin is burning hot, beautifully flushed along his neck
and chest, and he smells like musk and sweat and a little bit like horses.
And his mouth, nipping teeth followed by soft lips and darting tongue,
bites and kisses, pain and pleasure. It all blurs together until Justin's whole
body is on fire, and he's thrusting into their joined hands, his face buried in
Dan's neck. Between kisses, Dan is murmuring words of encouragement,
and then his voice catches and turns into jagged gasps, and he starts
thrusting too, his head thrown back, and it's the feel of Dan's body
spasming, Dan's come on his hand, that pushes Justin over the edge.

Justin falls forward over Dan and stays there until he realizes that it

can't be too comfortable for the other man, although Dan hasn't
complained. He rolls his weight off a little, keeping himself snugged in to
Dan's side. As soon as the weight is shifted, though, Dan is easing away,
and Justin throws out an arm in groggy protest, reaching across Dan's
chest to pull his body back in. They're still touching pretty tightly, so
Justin can feel it when every muscle in Dan's body tenses, and can hear his
startled inhalation.

Justin releases his arm immediately, but it's too late; hell, maybe it

was too late even before that. Dan is scrambling now, almost panicked as
he reaches for his clothes. Justin can see it when Dan forces himself to
stop, makes himself slow down. Dan has his shirt in his hand, and when he
turns towards Justin, his face is a neutral mask. He reaches out with the
shirt in his hand, rubs it gently over Justin's stomach, and Justin realizes
that he's mopping up, cleaning their come off of Justin's body.

"Shit, Dan, don't worry about it. I'll roll around in the grass or

something." That isn't exactly what Justin wants to say, but he's too

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thrown by the situation to look at the big picture, and would rather focus
on details.

"Nah, it's cool, man—I've got clean clothes at the barn."
"Yeah, and so do I—I live there, dude!" But it's too late, Dan's shirt

has already done the job. "Okay, so, we're clean now. Come back down
and bask for a bit, why don't you?"

"Bask?" Dan says doubtfully, but after a moment's hesitation he

obediently lies back down.

"Shit, Dan, I didn't mean you had too. I just… it's nice down here,

it's nicer with you…."

"Okay, yeah. I'm here." But Justin knows that isn't quite true. Dan's

body is there, but he has no idea where Dan's mind is. Justin doesn't know
what happened, doesn't know why it happened. And he doesn't know
what to do to make it better.

They stay there for a while, lying on their backs and looking at the

sky. Justin's mind is racing, but it's frantic and purposeless; he doesn't
really know what the problem is, so it's hard to think of a way to fix it.
He's not even sure if there is a problem, as such. So Dan's not a cuddler…
that's fine. If Justin had to choose between good sex and good cuddling, he
knows which one he'd take, and there's no doubt that the sex thus far has
been pretty damn good. And pretty damn plentiful, now that he thinks
about it. His mind runs back over the last… God, the last twelve hours,
only? Has everything really happened that fast?

He stirs a little to check his watch, and feels Dan react beside him.

Dan doesn't pull away, exactly, and his body doesn't tense. It just gets
ready. Justin changes the motion of his hand, so that instead of bringing it
up to his eyes, he shifts it over to rest on Dan's stomach. He can feel the
muscles there, so close to the surface, jump a little under his fingers. Dan's
face doesn't change, though, just keeps looking up at the sky.

It's awkward. Dan's on Justin's left side, and his watch was on his left

wrist, so it's his left hand that he's got on Dan. It's fine as long as Justin
keeps his hand low on Dan's stomach, but he wants to run it up onto his

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chest, all over his torso, and he can't do that without shoving his elbow in
Dan's face. Not the most romantic gesture.

So Justin shifts a little, brings his hand away and rolls over onto left

side. This is better; he can touch Dan and look at him. He runs his
fingertips over Dan's chest, watches the goosebumps rise in response.
When Dan stirs, and tries to move, Justin extends his fingers, lays his hand
flat on Dan's chest, and holds him still. It's not a lot of pressure, and Dan
could certainly fight past it if he wanted, but he doesn't. He submits, and
lies back with his eyes closed.

Justin leans over more, and brings his mouth to Dan's ear. "You all

right? This okay?" His hand keeps moving, barely touching, and when
Dan nods, Justin leans up again, props his head with his hand so he'll be
able to watch as he touches. Dan's skin is pale, already coloring a little
under the hot sun, and Justin wants to kiss it, taste it…. But he knows
where that will lead, and he wants to spend a little time doing this, for
now.

Justin touches Dan everywhere he can reach, and he watches Dan's

responses, feels the way Dan's breathing changes, the way his muscles
twitch when he's touched in different places. Justin's torn between trying
to make himself focus on the moment, enjoying himself, and trying to
catalogue the responses, storing them away for future reference.

After a few minutes, Dan's eyes cut over to Justin inquiringly. Justin

smiles at him, and Dan's eyebrows furrow a little. He starts to talk, then
stops, then starts again. "Just this?" he asks. "Do you want me to do…
something?"

Justin shakes his head, and leans down for a gentle kiss. "Not yet,

okay?" Then he catches himself. "Actually, yeah. Roll over? Let me see
you everywhere?"

Dan cuts his eyes back again, looking doubtful. There's a moment

when Justin thinks he's going to refuse, or at least to ask a question, but
the moment passes and Dan rolls away from Justin, over onto his side and

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then his stomach. He pauses again, and then shifts himself back over to
put himself within convenient range of Justin's touch.

Justin takes a moment just to look at Dan, the rise of his shoulders

sloping to his hard, narrow waist, and then rising again, his ass muscular
and round, his legs strong and a little bowed. Justin can't wait long before
he touches, and this time he can't use just his fingers, has to lean over and
press a line of kisses down Dan's spine. Justin shifts himself over a little,
nestling his right leg in between Dan's, with Justin's torso still twisted off
to the side so he can see Dan's back and have easy access to all of it. The
new position brings Justin's cock up against the side of Dan's ass, and he
can feel it begin to harden at the contact, and knows that Dan can feel it
too.

Justin tries to take his mind off it, and go back to the soft touching,

but Dan is moving a little now, subtle little ripples of his body, his ass
rubbing up against Justin, gentle warmth and friction, and Justin's kisses
on Dan's shoulder change from soft to demanding. Dan turns his head and
Justin surges forward to find his lips, and brings his body more on top of
Dan, letting his weight press Dan down.

With Dan's upper body pinned, he moves his lower half, shifting over to
be more underneath Justin, Justin's cock now totally hard and rubbing
down the crease of Dan's ass. Justin gasps at the new sensation, wishes
frantically that he'd thought to bring lube, or even a condom, and then he
remembers Dan's deal from the night before, the agreement that Justin
would bottom. He thinks of it now, thinks of Dan stretching him open,
sinking into him, and even though it's not something he normally seeks
out, the idea is exciting; the idea of giving that access to Dan is exciting.

But Dan seems to have given up on that idea, shifting his legs wider

open and canting his ass upwards, making the contact tighter and even
more sensational. Justin groans and leans down again, finding Dan's
mouth and plunging his tongue inside, grabbing the back of his head to tilt
his face further in Justin's direction. Their hips are moving together now,

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hard, frantic movements on Justin's part, sensual waves from Dan, but
somehow in time, in rhythm.

Justin wants to be inside Dan so much that he can barely stop

himself. On one of his thrusts his dick catches a little on Dan's hole, and
Dan moves as if to welcome it. Dan pulls his face away and says, "It's
okay, if you want…I just got tested, I'm clean."

Justin can't say the same, not for sure; he's always careful, always

uses protection, but it's been a while since he had a test. He doesn't know
what it means that Dan doesn't even bother to ask about that. His dick tells
him that he must be clean, that he has to go for it, and he almost gives in.
"I don't have any lube or anything," he says, and he's not sure if he's
explaining his refusal or asking for permission to go ahead.

"You could use spit," Dan suggests, his voice barely more than a

mumble against Justin's lips. Justin has a hard time reading Dan at the best
of times, and this really isn't one of them. He pulls back a little, trying to
get a better look at Dan's face.

It's not easy, but Justin is sure he gets it right. "No, man, you don't

want that."

Dan shrugs a little and looks away. "It's okay…"
"No, it's not." Justin manages to nudge Dan's head back around.

"Hey, Dan, listen to me. I appreciate that you're trying to give me what I
want. Absolutely, that is… great. But here's the thing. I never want to hurt
you, so if you want to give me what I want, you need to help me make
sure that I don't hurt you." He stops and drops a kiss on Dan's lips. Justin
is still achingly hard, but that doesn't seem so important anymore. "Do you
hear that, man? 'Cause—I really need you to know that. Okay?"

Dan turns his face away again, but Justin nudges in with his chin and

turns their faces back together. "No, Dan… please. This is important. To
me." Dan's face is unreadable, and Justin wonders if the message is getting
through at all. And then, it's as if Dan's mask just disappears. Instead of his
impassive face, there's Dan, his look of cautious hope, as if he's almost

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afraid to believe Justin. Justin brings his hand up to Dan's face and runs
his fingers along the soft skin on his cheek. "Okay?" he asks quietly.

Dan speaks as if he's not sure of his voice. "Yeah. Okay." He looks

Justin in the eyes as if searching for something, then turns his face a little
more, and kisses the palm of Justin's hand, then reaches up to find Justin's
lips. "Okay," he breathes, and Justin smiles, and feels Dan's lips turn up
under his.

"Okay?" Justin asks, and he's not sure what he's asking, but he just

wants to hear Dan agree with him again. He's grinning like a loon, and he
just doesn't care.

Dan pulls his head back and looks at Justin like he thinks he's crazy,

but then he smiles sheepishly back, like a grown man caught playing a
child's game. "Okay."

"Okay," Justin agrees, burying his face in the crook of Dan's neck,

and then bringing his mouth back up for a deep kiss. Their bodies start
moving again, but it's not as frenzied as before. They shift around so
they're facing each other, lying on their sides, and for a long time they just
make out, the movements of their groins secondary to their hands and their
lips. Justin's never shared this with Dan before, this casual intimacy,
nuzzling and whispering and kissing. There's a patch of soft skin on Dan's
neck, just under his ear, that makes his whole body curl when Justin kisses
him there. Justin feels a flash of jealous anger at the thought of other
people finding the same spot, and then a different kind of anger when he
wonders whether anyone ever has found the spot, whether anyone's taken
any effort to please Dan rather than just letting him please them.

Eventually, the demands of their bodies become overwhelming.

Justin nudges Dan over onto his back and lies on his side beside him, and
he catches one of Dan's hands in his and brings it down to Dan's cock.
"Show me how you like it," he murmurs. "Show me how to make you feel
good."

Dan smiles and pulls Justin's head down for a kiss. "You already

know…"

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"Yeah, I've got the general idea…show me the details…"
Dan's smile is shy, but he lets Justin guide his hand down, and he

entwines their fingers together and wraps their hands around his cock. The
grip is tighter than Justin would have used if left to his own devices, so
already he's learned something. Justin likes being able to kiss Dan while
they're getting him off, but he also likes being able to pull his face away
from time to time, watching the way Dan's expressions change. Dan might
be inclined to close down right after coming, but leading up to it his face
is beautifully open, his eyes fixed on Justin's and then focused on nothing
as he reaches his climax, spurting up over their joined hands and onto
Dan's stomach.

Justin doesn't give Dan the chance to pull away this time. He keeps

their hands entwined, and brings them to his mouth, licking and sucking
the come from Dan's fingers. Dan has recovered enough to sit up a little,
propping himself up on his elbows to watch as Justin moves his head
down, licking off Dan's stomach. When he's clean, Justin rests his chin
there, and looks up at Dan, who tangles his fingers in Justin's hair and
pulls him up for a kiss.

"Thanks," Dan says. "Your turn?"
Justin shrugs, trying to ignore the physical evidence to the contrary.

"No rush."

"Okay, we won't rush." Dan pushes himself up a little further, then

rolls over and eases Justin onto his back. Justin lets it happen, lets Dan
take control of things. "So I guess it's your turn, right? To show me what
you like?"

Justin smiles. "I like you."
"Yeah, okay, that's the general idea…." Dan smirks. "Now I want the

details." He leans forward, runs a hand down Justin's chest, and Justin
inhales a breath in anticipation. "Do you like my mouth? Or my hand?"

"Oh, Jesus, man, I have to choose?"
Dan grins again, and bends over to kiss along the line his fingers just

traced. "I dunno…do you want me to choose?"

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Justin really can't decide; Dan's mouth is a beautiful thing, and

having those lips wrapped around him is fast becoming one of his favorite
sensations… but he's also getting pretty attached to kissing his mouth, and
it can only be in one place at a time. "Yeah, okay, you choose."

Dan's lips are hard and strong as he moves his mouth down Justin's

chest. One of his hands snakes up to Justin's mouth, and he runs his
middle finger along Justin's lips. His fingers are work-rough, like
sandpaper against Justin's soft skin, but he's gentle, and Justin likes the
feeling that Dan could hurt him, but doesn't. Then the finger pushes gently
inside Justin's mouth, just the tip, just as Dan sucks in the tip of Justin's
cock. Justin sucks a little, swirls his tongue around the finger, and Dan
mirrors the action down below.

Justin thinks he gets the idea, but he wants to test. He gently pushes

the finger out of his mouth, holding the tip pursed between his lips, and
feels Dan do the same to his cock. He sucks the finger back in, feels Dan
do the same, and then he hollows his cheeks and sucks hard, moaning a
little when Dan does the same, and then groaning a little more when Dan
moans in mimicry, sending the vibrations along Justin's cock.

Justin wants to swear in appreciation, wants to be able to say

something, anything, but he doesn't want to abandon his attentions to
Dan's finger, in case Dan thinks it's a suggestion for the same treatment.
Instead, he sets up a steady rhythm, sucking hard and steady, using his
tongue along the bottom, experimenting. He's had blowjobs before, of
course, but it's always been a fundamentally passive experience, maybe a
little thrusting or head-grabbing, but nothing like this, this fine-tuned,
totally interactivity. He's learning as much about himself as Dan is, trying
things that he's wanted guys to do but never been able to put into words.

He brushes with his teeth, just a little, pulls right off and then

plunges in deep, sucks hard, sucks soft, changes the angle, changes the
speed… everything he can think of, Dan mimics enthusiastically. It's over
far too soon, of course; Justin was near the edge when they started, and it's
only the fact that it's the third time he's come in as many hours that lets

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him last long enough to keep from embarrassing himself. Justin is grateful
that Dan has enough common sense to not bite Justin's cock when Justin’s
teeth spasm onto his finger, his breath gasping around it as he shoots into
Dan's welcoming mouth.

Justin feels like he's sucking himself through his own aftershocks,

easing up when it gets to sensitive, and finally gently pushing the finger
out of his mouth. He reaches down and finds Dan's hair, uses it to pull Dan
up along his body until they're lined up again, Dan lying on his side and
leaning over Justin. Justin pulls their heads together, tastes himself in
Dan's mouth and smiles. "That was incredible. I want to do that again."

Dan smiles back. "What, now? That's pretty impressive."
"No, not now…unfortunately." He runs a hand down Dan's ribs, then

notices that the skin there is pinker than it was. "Shit, Dan! Are you
getting a sunburn?"

Dan glances down at himself and sighs. "Yeah, probably."
Justin sits up and starts looking for clothes. "Shit, I'm sorry. Does it

hurt?"

Dan just laughs. "Nah, don't worry. It's nothing. You should have

seen some of the burns I got when I was little."

"Well, yeah, okay, but just because it's not as bad as it could be

doesn't mean it's good." Justin finds Dan's shirt, starting to crust a bit from
its earlier use in mopping up. Shit. He reaches for his own shirt instead,
and tosses it over. "Here, put this on—I don't burn, so I can ride down
shirtless."

"Dude, you don't have to…"
"Dan, get dressed. I like your skin the way it is, not all blistered and

oozing."

Dan gives him a look but pulls the shirt on anyway, and Justin hands

over underwear and jeans. He takes a moment to enjoy the sight of his
shirt on Dan, then focuses on getting dressed himself. By the time he's
done, Dan has wandered over to where the horses are grazing, and he's

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scratching Bailey's neck. When Justin joins them, Dan looks at him
guiltily.

"We should have untacked them. I didn't think we'd be up here so

long."

Justin glances at the animals. "Nah, they're okay. We probably

shouldn't make a habit of it, but…." He leans in and catches Dan's lips
with his. "We should absolutely make a habit of everything else."

Dan's smile is so bashful that Justin expects the guy to start scuffing

the ground with his foot and saying 'aw shucks.' Instead, he nods and then
turns back to Bailey, checking that his saddle hasn't shifted or become
uncomfortable. "Should we head back down?"

Justin really doesn't want to leave the hill, but he knows they can't

stay up there forever. "Yeah, I guess." He moves over to Titan and gives
his tack a quick once-over before swinging up into the saddle.

The ride down is fairly quiet. Justin points out a few landmarks that

they hadn't paid attention to on the way up, and Dan has a bout of not-
entirely-manly giggles when he's walking in front of Justin on the single
file path and Bailey has a farting fit. Justin consoles himself by noticing
the way Dan keeps sneaking peeks at Justin's torso, bare except for the
dirty shirt tossed over his shoulder.

There's nobody at the barn when they arrive, and Justin nips upstairs

to grab a new shirt. While he's there, he tosses Dan's last load of wet
clothes into the dryer, and puts a load of his own clothes into the washing
machine, adding Dan's dirty shirt. Justin likes the idea of their clothes
wrapping around each other in the wash, and maybe he likes having
another reason to keep Dan around, waiting for that shirt to dry.

He isn't upstairs for long, but when he comes back down he hears

voices in the barn and wonders if he was gone too long. He turns the
corner to see Dan standing beside Bailey, facing both of Justin's parents,
neither of whom seem too pleased at finding an unsupervised visitor in
their barn. Dan has his game face on, a polite mask that still allows him to
show a not-so-subtle disdain for the perceived authority in front of him.

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Justin really wishes he'd found a better way to manage this introduction,
but it's a little late now.

"Hey, you guys met!" Justin knows that his false joviality isn't likely

to fool any of the people in the barn, but he decides to stick with it
anyway. "Did you get names exchanged? Dan, you know my mother,
Molly, and this is my father, Karl." He turns to his parents and moves a
little closer to Dan. "Dan and I went for a ride up the hill—and we took
Bailey over a few jumps on the way, and he's really looking good! I was
planning to talk to you all, see about getting Dan to take him to a few
events, if he's interested…show off the horse a bit, get some offers
moving…" Justin trails off as he sees the hostility in Molly's eyes.

"Yes, that's a specialty of yours, isn't it, Dan? Making horses look

better than they really are?" Molly's tone is cutting.

Dan shrugs casually, combing his fingers through Bailey's mane in

an almost proprietary way. "Isn't that what every rider tries to do?"

Molly hesitates, caught by that simple truth, and Justin jumps in.

"Yeah, you should have seen it, Dad…we went over the course along the
west field, and Bailey was jumping like he was having a great time." He
half turns to catch Dan's eye. "It was really impressive."

Karl nods cautiously, obviously not wanting to get into the middle of

whatever is going on between his wife and his son. "Well, that's great.
He's always had the talent."

Justin nods, then moves over towards Titan. "We'll just finish up

grooming and then turn them out…"

Molly cuts her eyes towards Justin's horse. "How was Titan over the

jumps? Is he still trying to drift off to the sides?"

"Uh…I only took him over a few. We focused more on Bailey…."
"Really? Justin, we're selling Bailey. Titan's the horse we should be

focusing on."

Justin can almost feel his hackles rising, but he tries to speak in a

calm tone. He really doesn't want to start a family power-struggle in front

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of Dan. "It was just a ride, not training. It's Sunday, you know? Day of
rest? Day off, at least…"

Molly seems to be trying to keep herself calm as well, which Justin

appreciates. "Well, you'll be training him tomorrow, right?"

"Uh, I haven't checked the schedule yet, but, yeah, if he's on it…"
Molly nods, then turns to Karl. "Do you want to have a look at that

leg?" She heads down the barn aisle, and Karl nods goodbye to Dan and
Justin before following her.

Justin moves over to Dan immediately, resting his hand on Bailey's

neck near Dan's. "Sorry about that. She's not normally so tense, she's
just… you know, a little unsure."

"It's fine, man, don't worry about it." Dan smiles, the smooth,

bullshitting mask, and Justin wants to punch something. "Should I grab the
lead ropes?"

"No, Dan…." Justin doesn't really have the words figured out yet,

hasn't had the conversation he needs to have to make Dan understand that
he knows about the mask, and doesn't want Dan to have to use it.

"No ropes?" Dan must know what Justin means, but apparently he

doesn't want to talk about it.

"No, of course lead ropes. I just…." Justin shakes his head. "Shit,

Dan, help me out here, will ya?"

Dan freezes for a minute, and then looks back at Justin. "What do

you want me to say, man?" His smile is real, but tired. "If I was your
mother, I wouldn't want you hanging around me either. Wouldn't be
thrilled to walk into my barn and find a guy like me there."

"A guy like you? Bullshit, Dan, what does that mean? You're a good

guy." Justin tries to put his arm around Dan, but he jerks away.

Dan stares at him for a second, then his face twists into a sneer.

"What the hell do you know about what kind of guy I am? Jesus, Justin,
think with your head, not your dick. You don't know me at all!"

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Justin feels like Dan has hit him in the face; he actually jerks his

head back in response. "No, Dan, I do. I mean, not as well as I want to,
but…."

Dan shakes his head. "You think you do, maybe."
"No, I…"
Dan moves around to Bailey's other side, and leans on the horse as if

for strength. "It's been fun, Justin, but, you know…."

"No." Justin hears his voice come out as if someone else is speaking.

It seems deeper, somehow, resonating from his chest. Dan seems to notice
the change, looking startled as he turns towards Justin. "No. Don't give up,
Dan." Justin ducks around to Dan's side, standing as close as he can
without actually touching. "Stop running away all the time." His voice
softens, but Justin still feels curiously removed, as if his body has been
taken over. "Don't let outside stuff get in the way of you and me. Don't let
it happen, man."

Dan is still staring, and then he frowns. "But it's not really outside

stuff. I mean, if I'm not a good person…."

"No." Justin shakes his head, and Dan is listening to him, at least.

"Maybe you've done some bad stuff, I don't know. And I don't care,
because you're not a bad person." Justin doesn't really know how he's so
sure of this; partly because he doesn't really believe in 'bad' people, from a
philosophical perspective, but mostly because he does believe in Dan. He
smiles gently. "It's like I said, man—no one who's this good with horses
can be all bad."

Dan looks Justin in the eyes, and then smiles a little himself. "Well,

not all bad."

Justin takes the chance and reaches his hand out to brush against

Dan's face. "See? There you go." He leans in slowly and carefully, and
Dan doesn't pull back. Justin gives him a gentle kiss, and whispers, "Don't
run away."

Dan leans against Bailey's neck and looks out at Justin. "Yeah…" he

whispers. "I'll try."

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CHAPTER SEVEN

Dan decides to head home soon after they put the horses in the

paddock. He's not running, exactly, but he's not lingering either. Justin
tries to convince him to stay a little longer, even uses the T-shirt still in the
wash as an excuse, but Dan just shakes his head.

"It's not a big deal—if I liked the shirt that much, it wouldn't still

have been clean for me to wear it on laundry day, you know?" He's
stuffing his clean clothes back in the duffel bag; Justin hasn't noticed Dan
looking particularly wrinkled in the past, so he assumes that the clothes
will be put away properly at some point. They're mostly jeans and Tshirts
anyway, so it probably isn't a big deal. Still, Justin's fingers itch to put a
couple of the shirts on hangers… his hangers, in his closet. Jesus, maybe
it's just as well that Dan is leaving, to let Justin get a little self-control
back. A little perspective.

But then Dan glances over at him and smiles his quiet smile, and

Justin changes his mind. Perspective is overrated—Justin wants Dan.

"Hey, Dan, I wasn't just talking about you doing some work with

Bailey. Where are you working now?" Justin frowns, suddenly aware of
how little he knows about Dan's life. "The bar, and you were picking up a
horse…."

Dan's face shifts so quickly Justin can barely keep up, going from

tentatively open to defensively closed. "I work here and there. A lot of
part-time stuff, you know, helping out as needed."

Justin nods, not sure what set off Dan's alarms. "Okay, that's cool—

maybe you could freelance for us a bit, work with Bailey."

Dan snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure your mother would love that idea."
Justin can't deny that Dan has a point, but, "She can live with it.

She's always trying to get me involved in the management side of things,
learning how to run the place instead of just riding the horses. You know,

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preparing for me to take over when they retire." He shrugs. "So she really
can't complain too much. And, honestly, if we can get Bailey going as
well as he did today, she'll have to see that it's a good idea."

"No, seriously, man, I don't need the work that bad. I'm fine. I don't

need you to…."

Dan trails off, and Justin stares at him in astonishment. "Jesus, Dan,

it's not some make-work project!" He shakes his head. "I wasn't lying
about how good he looked with you on him. Dude, you're a hell of a rider.
Do you really not know that?"

Dan looks almost angry. "Yeah, whatever." He stuffs the last of his

shirts into the duffel and stands up. "So, I'm done here. Thanks for letting
me use the dryer." He barely pauses before continuing. "And, you know,
for the ride and everything. That was fun."

Justin tries not to panic at the way Dan's words sound like 'goodbye'.

They've been here before, and Dan hasn't jumped off the ledge yet. "Yeah,
it was a good day. Thanks for coming all the way out here." He keeps his
voice as casual as he can. "So, I've got horses to ride tomorrow during the
day, but how about tomorrow night? Dinner, maybe?" Justin figures he
can talk to Karl and Molly in the meantime, make it clear what a great
rider Dan is, and have a more formal job offer lined up.

Dan looks uncomfortable; it's not exactly the reaction Justin was

hoping for, but at least it's more honest than the mask of nonchalance.
"Uh, maybe… or… you know… we could keep our options open. You
could just give me a call, if you want."

"Well…I could call you to set up a time and place, I guess."
Dan's expression is wary, and then he shrugs. "Yeah, okay." He

looks around the apartment. "Have you got a pen or something, for me to
write down my number?"

Justin's cell phone is resting on the counter, getting charged, and he

picks it up and types Dan's name in, then passes the phone over for Dan to
enter his number. Dan hands it back wordlessly when he's done, and then
picks up the duffel bag.

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Justin isn't sure what he's finding so unsettling. He's not crazy about

Dan leaving while he's in one of his less-than-happy moods, but that's not
enough to give Justin this empty, rolling feeling in his stomach. Dan looks
at him inquisitively, and Justin steps forward and brings a hand to Dan's
face. "I don't want you to leave," he whispers.

Dan steps away a little and laughs nervously. "What, you're up for

another round?"

Justin shakes his head, and then grins. "Well, maybe, but I meant… I

just want to spend some more time with you." It's his turn to step back
now, because he's scaring himself a little with the intensity of his feelings.
"I just… fuck!" He turns away, looks towards the window at the end of the
living room, the one that looks out onto the pastures. He thinks of the
horses out there, peacefully grazing without any of this turmoil, and he
thinks he begins to understand how Dan can use the animals to ground
himself. He takes a shaky breath. "I'm afraid that you're going to walk out
that door and I'm never going to see you again. I mean, I know it doesn't
make sense, it just…"

Justin trails off, and Dan doesn't say anything. When Justin finally

gets the courage to turn and look at him, Dan is staring at him. Justin
forces himself to meet Dan's eyes, and after a moment Dan shakes his
head and takes a step forward. He starts to speak and then stops, and then
starts again, almost whispering. "What the fuck are we doing here,
Justin?" He looks like a little boy staring at a fire he'd started, a fire that is
beginning to get out of control, a mix of awe and fear on his face.

Justin's laugh is jagged. "I really don't know, man." Then his body

takes over again, carrying him back towards Dan. He talks as he moves.
"But I think I like it. I mean, it's scary as shit, I get that, I feel that, but…."
He stops short of Dan and looks into his eyes, hoping for some sign that
Dan understands. "It feels right, you know?" He searches for words. "You
feel… we feel… it feels right to me. Am I… I don't know, man, am I
crazy? Am I just stalking you, imagining some connection that doesn't
really exist? Or…."

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Justin stops talking when Dan's hand grabs hold of his shirt, twisting

and pulling and bringing their mouths together. The kiss isn't long, but it's
real, pure Dan surging up to meet pure Justin, and it's pretty much the best
kiss Justin's ever had. When Dan pulls away, he leaves his hand on Justin's
chest for a moment, then steps further back.

Justin's afraid to speak, and Dan seems to be searching for words.

Finally, he looks over to where Justin has set the cell phone. "I, uh…I got
a bit freaked out for second there."

This isn't clear enough. "What? Which time?"
Dan's eyes cut back over to see if Justin's being a smart ass, and then

he smiles regretfully. "Yeah, okay… when I was putting my number in
your phone." He looks down at his feet, and when he speaks again his
words are so fast that Justin has to wait a second before they register. "I…
I got spooked, put in a fake number."

Justin just stares at him, and Dan has the decency to look

embarrassed. "I'm sorry, man, I know it was a chickenshit thing to do. I
just…." He looks back up at Justin and his face is open, his eyes begging
for understanding. "You weren't joking when you said it's scary."

Justin's still reeling. "So, wait. If I hadn't stopped you, if you'd left…

that would have been it? I mean, I still could have found you at the bar,
right? On Saturday?"

Dan shrugs. "I don't work there every week. I just fill in sometimes."
"So…" Justin takes a step backwards and sinks onto the couch. He's

feeling a little sick. He takes a minute to collect his thoughts. "I don't
know what to do, Dan. I mean, do you…." He looks up and sees Dan
watching him, and instead of inspiring the usual tenderness, the look of
fragile hope on Dan's face makes Justin furious. "Fuck, Dan, what the Hell
do you want?" He throws himself to his feet and takes a couple big steps
towards Dan, and he sees the man brace himself to take a punch, that just
makes Justin angrier, that Dan would think that Justin would do that. For a
moment it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy, with Justin's fist itching to

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hit Dan, to make him feel something, to tear a hole in his life the way Dan
has torn one in Justin's.

He takes a deep breath and doesn't speak until his voice is controlled.

"I don't know what we're doing. I… do you want me to go crazy? Is it a
game for you?"

Dan mutely shakes his head. Justin needs more than that. "So, you

tell me. Do you want to see me again? Do you want to try to make
something out of this?"

Justin waits tensely for Dan's answer. When it comes, Dan's voice is

tired. "I do. I just… I know I keep fucking it up, and I'm sorry, I just…."
He looks at Justin as if Justin is supposed to understand somehow, but,
damn it, he doesn't understand. He stares Dan down, demanding more of
an explanation. Finally, Dan tries to give him one. "I'm not good at this, at
any of this… and you deserve better, and you're gonna figure that out, and
then there I am, left behind…." Now it's his turn to face the window and
look out at the grazing horses. "It's just easier to not get started, you
know?"

Justin's anger is gone, leaving him feeling drained. He sinks back

down onto the couch. "Yeah, maybe it would have been. But, Dan… fuck,
man, I'm started. I'm well on the god damn way. It's…" He rubs the back
of his neck. "I don't know what's happened with you and other guys. I
don't." His smile is sad, and he's still not looking at Dan. "It's probably
best that I don't, 'cause I've got a feeling it would make me want to hunt
them down and kill them." He looks over towards the window, and Dan is
glowing in the rays of the afternoon sun. He shakes his head. "I don't
really know what I can say or do to convince you, but, I swear, man, I am
one hundred percent genuinely interested in you. I mean, all of you, not
just your body or whatever. I… okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but
it's true… if you're spooked by the dating thing, I'd still want to be your
friend, still want to hang out with you and… and work with you, 'cause
you're great with horses, man. Obviously I want the sex part, but if that's
what's got you freaked out…."

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Dan takes a tentative step towards the couch, then stops and looks

around. He laughs self-consciously. "I keep… I keep thinking somebody's
gonna step out from behind a door somewhere with a hidden camera, tell
me I've been punked." He takes another step towards Justin. "I just…
please." Another step, and he falls to his knees in front of Justin, looking
into his eyes like he's hoping that they really are the windows to the soul.
"Please don't be fucking with me…."

Justin shakes his head, brings his knees in snug against Dan's ribs. "I

swear it, Dan." He lets his head fall against Dan's so their foreheads are
touching. "I swear."

Justin's eyes are shut, so he feels Dan's nod rather than seeing it.

"Okay," Dan whispers, and then he pushes a bit, bringing his lips to
Justin's in a slow, gentle kiss.

"Okay?" Justin whispers back when their lips part, and Dan is still

close enough that Justin can feel it when his lips curl into a smile.

"Okay." Justin smiles back, and Dan gives him another gentle kiss.

"And, hi."

Justin nods. "Hi." He has no idea if the rollercoaster with Dan is

over, but he's at least starting to feel like they're both buckled in to the
same car, and are going to go through the dips and turns together.

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EPILOGUE

Dan is fidgeting, and Justin finds it adorable. He has no idea how

he's gotten this secure in the relationship in just a couple days, but Dan's
nervousness that would have sent him into his own bout of fear on Sunday
has him almost giggling on Tuesday.

"Settle down, dude, you're fine." He pushes his knee across under the

table to nudge against Dan's. "It's not a big deal."

Dan gives him a disbelieving look. "He's your best friend from

forever, his family is super-tight with your parents, who already hate me,
and he's being sent here to spy on me? How is that not a big deal?"

"Okay, I didn't explain that right, maybe." Justin grins. "He's being

sent to spy, yeah, but he never would. We just worked it out between us.
Our moms send us out to spy on the other, but we just report back
whatever the other one wants reported. It calms them down without much
effort. Seriously, it's fine."

Dan shoots another look across the table, but his knees have stopped

jiggling, so Justin keeps talking. "Do you want to know what I'm going to
get him to tell them?"

"Man, I don't know… do I?"
Justin nods. "Oh, yeah." He slouches a little, enough to get a little

more contact under the table. "He's going to tell them that the new guy is
smoking hot, but they already knew that. And he'll say that Justin's head
over-fucking-heels, but I think my mom at least already has that figured
out…." He takes a moment to enjoy Dan's shy smile. "And then he's going
to tell them not to worry, 'cause the new guy's a total sweetheart. A bit of a
suck, actually, he'll say…."

"Fuck you, don't tell them that."
"…'completely wrapped around Justin's finger,' he'll say, 'even

though he pretends not to be.'" Dan looks down at the table, but Justin
nudges his knee until he looks up.

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"Yeah," Dan says quietly. "I guess he could tell them that."
Justin's still beaming when Chris comes in to the bar. Justin raises

his arm to get Chris's attention, and he can feel Dan's leg start jittering
again. Justin leans forward a little, bringing their heads closer together.
"He could tell them you're a three-headed monster who eats babies for
breakfast, and it wouldn't make any damn difference to me, so calm the
fuck down." He grins at Dan's surprised expression, and then they're
standing to greet Chris. Justin and Chris use the manly hug that they've
perfected over the years, and Chris shakes Dan's hand, then pulls up a
chair.

There's a moment of silence, and then the server comes over. He's

been looking at Dan since they got there, and Justin kind of wants to stake
a claim, put his arm around him or something, but they're still negotiating
the rules on public displays of affection, so he resists. Chris notices the
nearly empty glasses on the table and orders a round of beer, then looks
inquiringly at the other two.

Justin understands the look, and translates for Dan. "We drinking

anything but beer? You've got to get started on the Turkey, you know—
enough of this tequila crap."

Dan smiles at him, the smile that only Justin gets. "Yeah, whatever.

Maybe you should switch over, instead."

"No way, man…you're in Kentucky now—bourbon's the way to go."
Dan looks like he's going to argue, but then just smiles instead.

"Okay, fine. Wild Turkey."

Chris nods approvingly. "Three, please, on the rocks," he tells the

waiter. Once the man is gone, he turns back to the table. "So I hear you've
got a new job, Dan?"

Dan looks a little bashful, and Justin wishes they were in private,

because he can barely keep his hands off the guy. "Yeah, part-time at
least." He frowns. "Until Molly loses her patience, I guess…"

"No, Dan, she's coming around. I mean, Bailey looked great, and she

had to admit it. And we've got so many good horses in the barn right now,

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we really need the help." Dan smiles at him, and Justin smiles back, then
glances over to see Chris watching bemusedly. Justin can't really get the
smile off his face, and he doesn't try too hard.

They talk about horses for a while, and then about Chris's family.

They're both careful to include Dan, but he seems happiest to just sit back
and listen, knocking his knee against Justin's from time to time.

When Dan gets up to go to the bathroom, Chris gets a little more

serious. "Your mom said he hasn't left the farm since Sunday. Says it
seems like he's moved in or something." He waits for Justin to respond,
but when Justin just shrugs, Chris smiles. "I've never seen you like this,
man. It's… well, it's pretty disgusting, really, but… I'm happy for you. He
seems like a good guy."

Justin nods. "Yeah, he really is."
Chris nods too. "So, what? Was it lightning bolts, or a rainbow

flowering around him, or did a little naked angel with a bow shoot you,
or…."

Justin shakes his head. "No, none of that." He thinks of Dan, of how

easy it was for Justin to bend his own dreams a little, mold them in a way
to make room for Dan. He can imagine them living and working together,
getting old together, and he's never felt like that before. He shakes his
head again, and smiles. "It was just… I don't know, man… sometimes you
just know."

He sees Dan coming out of the bathroom, looking over and finding

Justin watching him, and smiling his quiet, shy smile. "Yeah… sometimes
you just know."

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Kate started writing at about the same time she got back on a horse

after a twenty-year break. She’d like to think that she’s far too young for it
to be a mid-life crisis, but apparently she was ready for a few changes!

Kate’s writing focuses on characters and relationships, people trying

to find out how much of themselves they need to keep, and how much
they can afford to give away. She tries to find that careful balance between
drama and humor – she wants readers to have an intense experience and
feel drawn into the book, but she also wants them to enjoy the time they
spend reading.

Kate started writing in the m/m area of Romance, and she’s spent

some serious time trying to figure out why that is… if you’re interested,
her reflections on why m/m fiction appeals to one straight woman can be
found at her blog (http://kate-sherwood.dreamwidth.org/). Kate definitely
plans to continue writing in both sub-genres, and is drawn to YA, as well.
And maybe some women’s fiction. And urban fantasy. Possibly sci fi.
Thriller? The possibilities are endless!