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Heart Song
Copyright © 2009 Jambrea Jo Jones
Cover art by Martine Jardin
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the
reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in
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Heart Song
By
Jambrea Jo Jones
Dedication
To the Gaff family. I’m sorry for your loss, but
I’m glad she is in a better place. This one is for
June.
Black Roses – Death, Farewell, Loss. The promise
that soon you will know something you did not
know before. Some see it as a bad omen. Signifies
rejuvenation on the horizon. Sometimes a
beautiful deep red rose will bloom from a
blackened bud.
White Roses—I am worthy of you, I miss you,
Innocence, New beginnings, Purity, Reverence,
Spiritual love, Truth.
1
laid the rose on the coffin, not sure how I’d get
over his passing. He’d loved me in his own way,
but now he was gone. I glanced away and that’s
when I saw him. I should have been ashamed to
be checking out a man at my lover’s funeral, but I
couldn’t bring myself to stop. Charlie would have
understood. Hell, if things were the other way
around, Charlie would already have the guy
naked in a car.
I smiled at the thought and the man across the
way gave a sad smile back. I stepped forward,
ready to go to him, the sadness didn’t look right
on the man’s face. I wondered who he was, but
Charlie’s sister stepped in front of me, stopping
me from making a fool of myself. When I looked
back, the mystery man had disappeared.
“Rafe, you ready to get out of here?”
I nodded. My thoughts jumbled together. I
really shouldn’t be here right now, but I didn’t
dwell on it as I let Sheila lead me to the car. The
only one who knew of my deception lay in the box
and he wasn’t talking.
Our fight wasn’t something new. I wanted
things he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—give me. We
argued and broke up every few months, but for
I
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2
some reason, I always went back. This last time, I
left for good. I didn’t want to be the young man he
paraded around town. I wanted his love, to be his
only. He wanted more. Charlie always wanted
more. I couldn’t be enough for him.
The tears rolled down my face and I couldn’t
stop them if I wanted to. All I saw was Charlie,
clutching his chest and falling to the floor. They
told me he had a heart attack caused by some
illness he didn’t tell me he had. I’ll never forget
the look of horror on his face as he reached a hand
out for me to help. I tried, but there was nothing I
could do. It would haunt my memories and
dreams.
He’d come to try to talk to me. Maybe he even
hoped to win me back, I’ll never really be sure. I
wasn’t going to let it work. I finally understood he
would never be who I needed him to be. I’d finally
realized that after all these years I couldn’t force
the man to change.
I saw the stranger by the casket again, the
mystery guy with the sad smile and had to know
who he was. “Sheila, who’s that?”
“You don’t know?” She looked over at me.
I gave her a look. Did she really think I would
ask if I knew?
“That’s Charlie’s son, Stewart.”
I stopped in my tracks, floored by her words.
He had a son? The man looked to be my age. Just
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3
how old was Charlie? I moved again when Sheila
tugged my arm. I needed to know more.
“I—I didn’t know Charlie had a son.”
“I’m not surprised. Not many people knew
about him. Only family. Stewart grew up with his
mom after the divorce. Charlie had visitation
rights, but didn’t use them often.”
I was stunned. I never really knew Charlie at
all.
“He was married?” I could hear the shock in my
own voice. People stopped to stare as I hurried
into the car. I’d said it kind of loud.
“I thought you knew,” Sheila said quietly.
“He never really loved me, did he? How could I
have been so stupid for so long?” I turned to gaze
out the window, away from her all-seeing eyes.
“I’m sorry, Rafe. Charlie didn’t share himself
with anyone. He was always distant, even when
we were kids. I think someone broke his heart a
long time ago because he became even more
closed off after college. I was surprised when he
married. It didn’t last too long and after he left
Paula, I didn’t think he’d ever have anyone in his
life again. Then you came along and he was
happy. Well, happy for him. You know how he
was.”
I could hear the tears in her voice and had to
tell her. “We had a fight the day he died. I’d left
him, told him I wasn’t going back.”
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4
“It isn’t your fault, you know that, right?” She
had conviction in her voice.
I found it hard to take in. “If I’d gone back,
mayb—”
“Don’t go there.” She stopped me. “He
wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”
I sighed and continued watching the scenery
pass. We were on our way to the wake. I
wondered if Stewart would be there. I had this
urge to talk to him. To know more about this part
of Charlie he’d kept to himself.
I entered Charlie’s house and wondered how
long I’d have to stay. It wasn’t home for me
anymore. It hadn’t been for a few months. I felt
like a fraud, mingling with all these people and
taking their condolences. I needed to find a quiet
place away from everyone. With my head down, I
didn’t see Stewart until I was right on top of him.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and turned to walk away.
“Wait.” His hand grazed my arm.
The man’s voice sounded rough with tears. My
heart ached for him. I may have lost an ex-lover,
but he’d lost his father. I swung back around to
face Charlie’s son. I didn’t say anything. I
couldn’t. I looked at his face, so different from
Charlie’s. Stewart had moss green eyes and dark
brown hair caressed his brow. He had laugh lines
and a tiny spattering of freckles along his nose. A
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5
far cry from Charlie’s stoic blond good looks,
brown eyes and a face that didn’t look lived in.
Something I remembered about Charlie. He didn’t
smile often. I wondered if he was ever happy.
I felt my cock harden as I took in the beauty of
his son. I needed to get away from the delicious
looking man. I couldn’t do this to him. Not here,
not today. I hoped my erection wasn’t noticeable.
“You’re Rafe. Rafe Wilson, right?”
I was stunned he knew my name. How did he
know me when I had no idea he even existed.
“Ah…yes, that’s me.”
“My father told me about you.” He spoke so
softly I almost didn’t hear him.
“He did?” I sounded surprised, even I could
hear it in my voice.
“Yes. About a week before he died, he called
me and told me there was someone I needed to
meet, someone who might need me to take care of
him. I didn’t know what to make of it, to tell you
the truth. Now that I look back, he must have
known he wouldn’t be around much longer.”
“What? I don’t think I understand.”
“He loved you, you know. Dad told me he
couldn’t love you the way you deserved. He
wanted me to know you didn’t care about his
money, but you loved him with every fiber of
your being. That was important to him. Dad also
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6
told me you’d finally left him for good. Then he
told me I had to meet you.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t—I—” I ran away. Staying
and listening to a stranger tell me Charlie’s
feelings was too much. And what the fuck was he
thinking, telling his son to come find me.
Matchmaking from the grave? I didn’t recognize
my voice as a hysterical laugh slipped from my
throat. I had to leave, now. I couldn’t stay in this
house any longer, too many memories nipping at
my heels and I couldn’t let them pull me under.
It took a couple hours for me to calm down. The
emotional day had taken its toll. I stood looking
out the window with a tumbler of whiskey in my
left hand. Charlie’s favorite. A cigar smoldered in
my right hand, the smoke drifting to the ceiling. I
hated smoking the things, but I loved the smell,
another thing to remind me of Charlie. He liked to
have one after a meal. I told him they weren’t any
good for him, but secretly I enjoyed the familiarity
of the smell and hoped he would never give it up.
I watched the rain hitting the window, the
sound soothing. I reached out to trace a raindrop,
saddened by how much it looked like a tear. I
looked at my reflection and couldn’t tell the rain
from my tears.
Lost in thought, it took me a while to realize
someone had knocked on my door. I had no idea
Heart Song
7
who it could be. Not many people knew I was
home. I didn’t want to hear people tell me they
told me so. I set my glass on the end table, put the
cigar out and went to the door. I swiped at the
tears on my face, drying it before I opened the
door.
As I threw it open, I wondered if the shock
showed on my face. Standing there, dripping wet
with his beautiful hair plastered to his head, was
Stewart. “I—what—how—” I was at a loss for
words and when he smiled at me, the image of it
went straight to my dick. This couldn’t be
happening. How did he know where I lived?
“Can I come in?”
“Yes, sorry, come in.” I forced myself to back
away from the door and let the man in, my lust
confusing me. This was Charlie’s son. I shouldn’t
be thinking of him this way.
“I’m sorry to bother you tonight.”
“No, it’s okay. I—why are you here?” I blurted,
not asking how he found my apartment.
“I have something for you.” He reached into his
pocket and handed me a soggy envelope. “Sorry,
it’s a little wet. I wasn’t expecting the downpour.”
I stared at the paper in my hands. I could make
out the faint outline of Charlie’s handwriting. I
caressed the lettering before opening it. I gestured
for him to have a seat and took the couch across
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8
from him. I saw him hesitate for a moment, but
then I lost myself in the letter.
If you’re reading this, my dear, I’m afraid I’m no
longer of this world. Know that I didn’t want to leave
you, but it was time. You brought such joy into my life
at a time when I thought the light had gone out. I know
I didn’t show you enough and you might have a hard
time believing that after the hell I put you through the
last few years. I did love you the only way I could. My
heart always belonged to another and I hope to meet
him soon in the afterlife. I wish it could have been you,
that you could have been the key to make my heart
whole again.
By now you’ve met Stewart. I’ve failed him greatly
as well. I was a poor father, never around when he
really needed me. I had bad role models, but that really
isn’t any excuse. I know that now, when it’s too late.
I entrusted him with this letter to you because I
want you to comfort each other in my absence. In this,
just believe that Charlie knows best.
I should have given you up a long time ago, so you
could find a true love in your life, but I was selfish in
my old age. I’m very happy that you finally broke the
tie that tethered you to me.
I only ask that you find happiness wherever it comes
from. Don’t let my death hold you back and don’t think
this is your fault. I knew my time was close, maybe that
is why I tried to hold onto you so tightly.
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9
Don’t let Stewart blame himself either. Please help
each other to really live.
Love,
Charlie
I dropped the letter and let it flutter to the floor,
then looked up at Stewart, but I had a hard time
seeing him through the tears. His blurry image
walked over to me and knelt at my feet. He wiped
the tears from my eyes. I lost myself in the green
depths of his eyes before I moved forward and
shifted my gaze to his lips. A taste couldn’t hurt.
Our lips touched and I closed my eyes. All
thoughts of Charlie slipped from my mind. It
didn’t matter, in this moment, that Stewart was
Charlie’s son.
I felt his hands slip into my hair and melted
into the caress. My arms wrapped around his
body, bringing him closer to me, not caring about
his wet clothes. I nibbled at his lips, asking for
entrance. He opened to me and I invaded his
mouth. I couldn’t get enough. He tasted of mint
and a flavor I couldn’t describe, but I loved it.
One of us moaned, but I don’t know who it
was. I really didn’t care. I needed him naked, to
really feel alive in the shadow of death. We
fumbled with each other’s clothes, our lips never
losing contact. I tugged on his pants, using my feet
Jambrea Jo Jones
10
to help him shimmy out of them. We both
struggled to peel the wet, clingy material from
Stewart’s body. Our shirts forced us apart. I
hurried because I wanted his lips again. Like a
bee, I was drawn to the honey of his kiss.
He pulled me down so I covered his body. The
feel of his wet, naked flesh against mine was
heaven. I needed more. I rolled us so I could feel
his weight. “I need…oh God, I need you inside
me,” I managed to whisper against his lips.
I felt that spark of life for the first time in
months. This need to connect with a warm body
overwhelmed me. At this point, I didn’t care if I
wanted him for him or to wipe away the memory
of Charlie. I needed him and he needed me. That
was what I focused on as I wrapped my legs
around his body. I wanted to lose myself in him.
“Lube? Condom?” he asked while nuzzling my
ear.
I didn’t want to move, but I nudged him off me.
We stood and I guided him to my room. This
shouldn’t be happening. Not with Charlie’s son.
But a voice inside my head, which sounded
suspiciously like Charlie’s, told me to hold on to
Stewart. He could be everything Charlie couldn’t.
I shook off my thoughts and watched Stewart
sprawl across my bed. I bit my lip and turned to
find the supplies we needed.
Heart Song
11
“Aha!” I said and turned to face the man in my
bed. I almost dropped the prophylactics on the
floor as I saw him stroking his cock. I wanted that,
no, I needed that to fill me. I tossed the condoms
on the bed and opened the lube. I crawled onto the
bed and poured some on my fingers. It had been a
while and I needed to stretch myself. I watched his
face as I pushed my first finger inside my hole.
“Another,” he said as he covered his cock with
the condom.
I added a second finger. He moaned when I
quickly added a third. It was my turn to groan. I’d
opened myself enough. I needed him inside me. I
moved to straddle his thighs. I reached behind me
for his dick, positioned myself and inched my way
until I felt his thighs against my ass. I started slow,
working through the burn. I’d never felt so full. It
didn’t take long for Stewart to flip me onto my
back. “Harder, please. Make me forget. Make me
feel.” I rambled.
Stewart quickened his thrusts.
I put my palms against the headboard and used
the leverage to push back.
“So good, Rafe. You feel so good.”
“I’m close, Stu.”
“I want to feel you. Come. Now.”
My body listened and on the next thrust, my
cock erupted, coating our chests with my come.
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12
He didn’t last much longer. His dick pulsed inside
me one last time before he screamed his release.
Stewart rolled off me and pulled me into his
arms. The thump of his heartbeat lulled me to
sleep.
Something tickled my nose. I didn’t want to
wake up, but the sensation forced my eyes to
open. When they did, the most beautiful orbs
gazed into mine. It took a minute for the fog of
sleep to drift away, but the moment it cleared, I
couldn’t stop the grin from spreading over my
face.
“I didn’t think you’d ever wake up.” Stewart
leaned down and kissed my smiling lips.
Even though we’d fucked ourselves
unconscious the night before, I couldn’t get
enough. I could quickly become addicted to this
man’s kisses, to his touch along my skin.
He pulled back and I reached up to brush my
fingers along his cheek. What was it about this
man? I really knew nothing about him. My doubts
began to surface with the rising of the sun. What
was I thinking? “We shouldn’t have done this?” I
said in panic.
“Why not?”
“I was your father’s lover.”
“Was. Past tense. How long had the two of you
been separated before he died?”
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13
“About a month.”
“Did you plan on getting back together with
him?”
He sounded calm in the face of my neurosis.
One more thing to endear him to me. “No. Not
this time. I want to be loved for me and to be the
only special person in my man’s life. Something
Charlie couldn’t give me.”
“I want that, too, you know? I think deep
down, everyone wants that.”
“Charlie didn’t.”
“My dad was a hard man to know. He never
told me he loved me and basically stayed out of
my life. When I got older, he showed up on our
doorstep and introduced himself. I knew who he
was. My mom talked about him a lot. She still
loved him.” He stopped and looked at me before
continuing. “I wonder what it was about him that
caused people to stay in love with him. After that,
he showed up once a year and spent the day with
me.”
“Sounds lonely,” I said as I stroked his chest. I
had fond memories of my parents and couldn’t
imagine not seeing them everyday.
“It wasn’t. I had my mom. So what do you
think?” He pulled me on top of him and buried his
face in my neck.
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14
I lost my train of thought as his tongue stroked
and tickled my throat. “Hmm…what?” His laugh
vibrated against my skin.
“Us, what do you think about us?”
I forced myself to focus on his words. “Is there
an us beyond today?”
“I’d like there to be. I think we should at least
try.”
“I don’t kn—”
He didn’t let me finish my sentence. His lips
devoured mine, nipping and biting. His hands
drifted down my body and squeezed my ass,
rubbing our cocks together. I rocked my hips,
wanting more friction.
Stewart wrapped his legs around my body to
stop my movement. I whimpered at the loss.
“We could have this and more. Just give us a
chance. Let’s get to know each other. What do we
have to lose?”
He continued to hold me tight and I relaxed
against him. I could get used to this. I felt a sense
of safety in his arms. Did I want to risk my heart
again? Did the apple fall far from the tree? I
nodded against his chest, but it wasn’t enough.
He used a finger to raise my face so we stared
at each other.
“Let’s try,” I whispered, but he still wouldn’t let
me off that easy. He made me work for it.
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15
“What was that?” He smiled while he said it. It
lit up his face.
I found myself grinning back. The playfulness
was nice. “I said, let’s do this.” I needed to taste
him again. I wanted him. I slid my lips against his,
but had my mind on tasting another part of his
body. I peppered kisses along his torso, stopping
at his nipples. I let my teeth graze each one, his
hips showed his appreciation. I didn’t linger, but
made my way to his dick. Pre-come glistened and
beckoned me. My tongue licked at his cock. He
moaned and thrust at me, trying to get me to take
him fully into my mouth, but I wanted to play.
I leaned away and blew a puff of air along his
wet cock. He shivered under me. I took him in my
mouth and swallowed him until he was deep in
my throat and hummed. He tasted so good,
another thing to become addicted to. I pulled off
his dick with a pop and went back for more, but
he pulled me up his body. I loved his strength. I
wasn’t a small man, but he was so much bigger.
Stewart flipped us so I lay under him.
“Are you too sore?” he asked softly.
I would have said no even if I was. I wanted to
be full of him again. “Fuck me, Stu.”
“Hands and knees.”
His authority turned me on. I followed his
demand and he smacked my ass. I got harder, if
that was even possible. Who knew I was into that?
Jambrea Jo Jones
16
I sure didn’t. I shuddered as the cool liquid slid
down my ass crack. It didn’t take long for Stewart
to warm me up as his finger circled my opening. I
flinched as his first finger entered, but when it
brushed against my gland, I rocked back. “Please,
more.” I begged.
Stewart rewarded me with a second finger. He
pegged my gland, again and again. Still it wasn’t
enough. I rocked back harder.
“Do you want more, my sweet?” he asked.
I couldn’t respond with words so I nodded
vigorously.
Stewart slapped my ass again.
“Gonna…”
“Not yet. Wait for me,” he demanded.
He slammed into me with enough force to
knock me into the headboard. I didn’t even feel it.
The burn was so good. Better than before. I braced
one hand against the bed and the other, I
tightened around the base of my cock. I wasn’t
ready to come. Not yet. “Harder.” I panted. I was
down to single words.
Stewart picked up his pace, his thrusts no
longer smooth. He was close. I released my dick,
put my other hand on the bed and used the
leverage from the headboard to push back,
meeting him thrust for thrust. I painted the bed
with my seed as he yelled my name.
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17
We collapsed on the bed, his weight a comfort
against my back. We both struggled for breath.
The only thing I could smell was the thick scent of
sex that drifted around the room. I couldn’t move
from the wet spot I’d landed in. It took a couple
minutes for Stewart to roll off me. He pulled me
along with him and soothed a hand down my
chest as he spooned me in front of him. I drifted
for a moment before I spoke, my eyes struggling
to stay open.
“We should shower.” The words left my
mouth, but I really didn’t want to move. I forced
myself out of his arms and off the bed. I didn’t
look back to see if he followed. I stumbled into the
bathroom and turned on the shower. It didn’t take
long for me to feel his arms close themselves
around me. I settled back and listened to the water
hit the tub.
It seemed surreal to be in Stewart’s arms when
just yesterday we’d put Charlie in the ground. I
thought I should feel bad, but I didn’t. I could
finally have my chance at happiness with the man
holding me in his arms and I was ready for it. I
was more than ready, I’d been waiting for this
moment for years and didn’t even know it.
Stewart nudged me toward the shower and I
stepped in. We took our time exploring each
other’s bodies. I loved the way he felt under my
hands. I grabbed the body wash and soaped my
Jambrea Jo Jones
18
new lover’s body. Charlie and I never played and I
found myself enjoying these moments.
“Where did you go?” he asked me.
My hands stopped moving. “Thinking.”
“About Dad?”
“Yes. Are you angry?”
“No. I won’t say it isn’t a little weird because it
is. But I know you’ll think of him from time to
time. You loved him. I’m sure he’ll always have a
special place in your heart. I just hope I can have a
little part of you as my own.”
I hugged him close to me. “I want to give you a
piece of my heart, but we need to get to know each
other better. Can you handle the fact that I was
with your dad?”
“I think if I’d been closer with him, things
would be different, but I barely knew the man. He
was my dad in name only.”
He hugged me back. It was then I knew things
would be okay, that we might have a chance at a
future. One I never expected, but would embrace.
Maybe Charlie would smile down on us with his
blessing.
We dried each other off and my stomach
rumbled. I laughed and looked at Stewart. “Want
some breakfast? I can see if I have anything or we
can go out.”
“I don’t want to share you yet. Let’s go raid
your kitchen.”
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19
We didn’t find much, but the bagels were
enough to keep our hunger at bay. The two of us
headed back to my room, content to hold each
other and talk, not just about Charlie, but our
lives.
I found out he lived a few blocks over and
worked downtown. He surprised me by telling me
he worked for Charlie. It was weird we hadn’t met
before. I think I shocked him when he found out I
was a police officer.
“Really? You’re a cop?”
I had to laugh. “Yes, really.”
We reminisced a little about Charlie, but we
kept it light. I think the thing that stunned me the
most was how little I really understood about the
man I thought I loved.
We spent the weekend getting to know each
other. I kept him in bed with me, only getting up
to eat. I worried about what the week would
bring, but let myself really enjoy being alive.
Jambrea Jo Jones
20
Two Months Later…
I walked to Charlie’s grave and noticed the dead
and blackened roses someone had left. I picked
them up and set them aside. I’d get rid of them
later. I replaced them with a few vibrant white
roses before I sat down on the grass in front of his
tombstone. I pulled a few weeds. I needed to talk
to him, but stalled for a few minutes. It was hard
to finally say goodbye to my old lover, but I
needed to do this before I told Stu I loved him and
asked him to move in with me.
“Hello, Charlie. I need to talk to you and at
least now you have no choice but to listen.” I
chuckled a little at myself, trying to laugh instead
of cry. “I love him, but I think you know that,
don’t you? Is this what you meant when you said
we should take care of each other? If it was, then I
have a lot to thank you for. I’m sorry that it took
your death to bring me and Stewart together, but
I’m happy he is in my life now. Thank you for
your letter. It meant a lot to me that you were
thinking of me when you had to have had so
Heart Song
21
much more on your mind. I wish you would’ve
told me you were sick. I know why you didn’t. I
would have come back. I think you figured that
out, too, that’s why you kept it from me. I’m glad
you told Stewart. That you reached out to him.
“I’m sure Stu and I will have our rough
patches, but I think we’ll weather them. I hope
you’re happy, wherever you are, that you found
the other half of your soul. No matter what, you
deserve to have some enjoyment.” I thought about
what I should say next. I felt a little silly talking to
myself, but I needed this. We needed this.
The last two months had been the best of my
life, filled with love and laughter. Stewart and I
couldn’t keep our hands off each other, but it was
more then sex. It was…just more. I found, with
Stewart, something I thought I would never have.
Home. Wherever he was, I felt safe and secure.
“I wish you could be here to talk to your son. I
know Stewart misses you. He talks about your
times together and I can see how much he craved
that father and son relationship. He makes me
laugh and enjoy life. I think he could have done
that for you in a way I never could. Goodbye,
Charlie. Next time I come, it will be with Stewart. I
may be saying farewell to us, but you’ll always
have a place in my heart, I’m just ready to give
Stewart a bigger piece.”
Jambrea Jo Jones
22
I stood and brushed the grass off my jeans. I
had to work tonight, but Stewart and I had a date
before my shift. I couldn’t keep the grin off my
face if I wanted to. Two months ago, I thought
love was dead and gone or didn’t exist. With
Stewart, I found love again.
This weekend I planned on introducing Stewart
to my parents. I couldn’t wait for them to meet the
man who made my heart sing. They would love
him just as much as I did.
First things first, I had to tell my man how
much he meant to me. Everything else would fall
into place.
About the Author
Jambrea Jo Jones wanted to be the youngest
romance author published, but other things got in
the way of her dream. She gave up writing and
went on with her life. After serving in the Air
Force she came back home and started her family.
A few years later she discovered yahoo groups
and reviewing. There was no looking back.
Reviewing helped her get the writing bug back
and her friends kept pushing her along until she
turned in her first manuscript to a publisher.
Jambrea lives with her family in Indiana where
she reads and plays with her son when she isn’t
writing. She loves to hear reader feedback and is
addicted to the internet. Feel free to email her at
binojo2@yahoo.com.