Jambrea Jo Jones Heart Song

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Heart Song

Copyright © 2009 Jambrea Jo Jones

Cover art by Martine Jardin

All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the

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Heart Song


By


Jambrea Jo Jones

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Dedication

To the Gaff family. I’m sorry for your loss, but

I’m glad she is in a better place. This one is for

June.

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Black Roses – Death, Farewell, Loss. The promise

that soon you will know something you did not

know before. Some see it as a bad omen. Signifies

rejuvenation on the horizon. Sometimes a

beautiful deep red rose will bloom from a

blackened bud.

White Roses—I am worthy of you, I miss you,

Innocence, New beginnings, Purity, Reverence,

Spiritual love, Truth.

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1

laid the rose on the coffin, not sure how I’d get

over his passing. He’d loved me in his own way,

but now he was gone. I glanced away and that’s

when I saw him. I should have been ashamed to

be checking out a man at my lover’s funeral, but I

couldn’t bring myself to stop. Charlie would have

understood. Hell, if things were the other way

around, Charlie would already have the guy

naked in a car.

I smiled at the thought and the man across the

way gave a sad smile back. I stepped forward,

ready to go to him, the sadness didn’t look right

on the man’s face. I wondered who he was, but

Charlie’s sister stepped in front of me, stopping

me from making a fool of myself. When I looked

back, the mystery man had disappeared.

“Rafe, you ready to get out of here?”

I nodded. My thoughts jumbled together. I

really shouldn’t be here right now, but I didn’t

dwell on it as I let Sheila lead me to the car. The

only one who knew of my deception lay in the box

and he wasn’t talking.

Our fight wasn’t something new. I wanted

things he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—give me. We

argued and broke up every few months, but for

I

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2

some reason, I always went back. This last time, I

left for good. I didn’t want to be the young man he

paraded around town. I wanted his love, to be his

only. He wanted more. Charlie always wanted

more. I couldn’t be enough for him.

The tears rolled down my face and I couldn’t

stop them if I wanted to. All I saw was Charlie,

clutching his chest and falling to the floor. They

told me he had a heart attack caused by some

illness he didn’t tell me he had. I’ll never forget

the look of horror on his face as he reached a hand

out for me to help. I tried, but there was nothing I

could do. It would haunt my memories and

dreams.

He’d come to try to talk to me. Maybe he even

hoped to win me back, I’ll never really be sure. I

wasn’t going to let it work. I finally understood he

would never be who I needed him to be. I’d finally

realized that after all these years I couldn’t force

the man to change.

I saw the stranger by the casket again, the

mystery guy with the sad smile and had to know

who he was. “Sheila, who’s that?”

“You don’t know?” She looked over at me.

I gave her a look. Did she really think I would

ask if I knew?

“That’s Charlie’s son, Stewart.”

I stopped in my tracks, floored by her words.

He had a son? The man looked to be my age. Just

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3

how old was Charlie? I moved again when Sheila

tugged my arm. I needed to know more.

“I—I didn’t know Charlie had a son.”

“I’m not surprised. Not many people knew

about him. Only family. Stewart grew up with his

mom after the divorce. Charlie had visitation

rights, but didn’t use them often.”

I was stunned. I never really knew Charlie at

all.

“He was married?” I could hear the shock in my

own voice. People stopped to stare as I hurried

into the car. I’d said it kind of loud.

“I thought you knew,” Sheila said quietly.

“He never really loved me, did he? How could I

have been so stupid for so long?” I turned to gaze

out the window, away from her all-seeing eyes.

“I’m sorry, Rafe. Charlie didn’t share himself

with anyone. He was always distant, even when

we were kids. I think someone broke his heart a

long time ago because he became even more

closed off after college. I was surprised when he

married. It didn’t last too long and after he left

Paula, I didn’t think he’d ever have anyone in his

life again. Then you came along and he was

happy. Well, happy for him. You know how he

was.”

I could hear the tears in her voice and had to

tell her. “We had a fight the day he died. I’d left

him, told him I wasn’t going back.”

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4

“It isn’t your fault, you know that, right?” She

had conviction in her voice.

I found it hard to take in. “If I’d gone back,

mayb—”

“Don’t go there.” She stopped me. “He

wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”

I sighed and continued watching the scenery

pass. We were on our way to the wake. I

wondered if Stewart would be there. I had this

urge to talk to him. To know more about this part

of Charlie he’d kept to himself.

I entered Charlie’s house and wondered how

long I’d have to stay. It wasn’t home for me

anymore. It hadn’t been for a few months. I felt

like a fraud, mingling with all these people and

taking their condolences. I needed to find a quiet

place away from everyone. With my head down, I

didn’t see Stewart until I was right on top of him.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and turned to walk away.

“Wait.” His hand grazed my arm.

The man’s voice sounded rough with tears. My

heart ached for him. I may have lost an ex-lover,

but he’d lost his father. I swung back around to

face Charlie’s son. I didn’t say anything. I

couldn’t. I looked at his face, so different from

Charlie’s. Stewart had moss green eyes and dark

brown hair caressed his brow. He had laugh lines

and a tiny spattering of freckles along his nose. A

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far cry from Charlie’s stoic blond good looks,

brown eyes and a face that didn’t look lived in.

Something I remembered about Charlie. He didn’t

smile often. I wondered if he was ever happy.

I felt my cock harden as I took in the beauty of

his son. I needed to get away from the delicious

looking man. I couldn’t do this to him. Not here,

not today. I hoped my erection wasn’t noticeable.

“You’re Rafe. Rafe Wilson, right?”

I was stunned he knew my name. How did he

know me when I had no idea he even existed.

“Ah…yes, that’s me.”

“My father told me about you.” He spoke so

softly I almost didn’t hear him.

“He did?” I sounded surprised, even I could

hear it in my voice.

“Yes. About a week before he died, he called

me and told me there was someone I needed to

meet, someone who might need me to take care of

him. I didn’t know what to make of it, to tell you

the truth. Now that I look back, he must have

known he wouldn’t be around much longer.”

“What? I don’t think I understand.”

“He loved you, you know. Dad told me he

couldn’t love you the way you deserved. He

wanted me to know you didn’t care about his

money, but you loved him with every fiber of

your being. That was important to him. Dad also

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6

told me you’d finally left him for good. Then he

told me I had to meet you.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t—I—” I ran away. Staying

and listening to a stranger tell me Charlie’s

feelings was too much. And what the fuck was he

thinking, telling his son to come find me.

Matchmaking from the grave? I didn’t recognize

my voice as a hysterical laugh slipped from my

throat. I had to leave, now. I couldn’t stay in this

house any longer, too many memories nipping at

my heels and I couldn’t let them pull me under.

It took a couple hours for me to calm down. The

emotional day had taken its toll. I stood looking

out the window with a tumbler of whiskey in my

left hand. Charlie’s favorite. A cigar smoldered in

my right hand, the smoke drifting to the ceiling. I

hated smoking the things, but I loved the smell,

another thing to remind me of Charlie. He liked to

have one after a meal. I told him they weren’t any

good for him, but secretly I enjoyed the familiarity

of the smell and hoped he would never give it up.

I watched the rain hitting the window, the

sound soothing. I reached out to trace a raindrop,

saddened by how much it looked like a tear. I

looked at my reflection and couldn’t tell the rain

from my tears.

Lost in thought, it took me a while to realize

someone had knocked on my door. I had no idea

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who it could be. Not many people knew I was

home. I didn’t want to hear people tell me they

told me so. I set my glass on the end table, put the

cigar out and went to the door. I swiped at the

tears on my face, drying it before I opened the

door.

As I threw it open, I wondered if the shock

showed on my face. Standing there, dripping wet

with his beautiful hair plastered to his head, was

Stewart. “I—what—how—” I was at a loss for

words and when he smiled at me, the image of it

went straight to my dick. This couldn’t be

happening. How did he know where I lived?

“Can I come in?”

“Yes, sorry, come in.” I forced myself to back

away from the door and let the man in, my lust

confusing me. This was Charlie’s son. I shouldn’t

be thinking of him this way.

“I’m sorry to bother you tonight.”

“No, it’s okay. I—why are you here?” I blurted,

not asking how he found my apartment.

“I have something for you.” He reached into his

pocket and handed me a soggy envelope. “Sorry,

it’s a little wet. I wasn’t expecting the downpour.”

I stared at the paper in my hands. I could make

out the faint outline of Charlie’s handwriting. I

caressed the lettering before opening it. I gestured

for him to have a seat and took the couch across

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8

from him. I saw him hesitate for a moment, but

then I lost myself in the letter.

If you’re reading this, my dear, I’m afraid I’m no

longer of this world. Know that I didn’t want to leave

you, but it was time. You brought such joy into my life

at a time when I thought the light had gone out. I know

I didn’t show you enough and you might have a hard

time believing that after the hell I put you through the

last few years. I did love you the only way I could. My

heart always belonged to another and I hope to meet

him soon in the afterlife. I wish it could have been you,

that you could have been the key to make my heart

whole again.

By now you’ve met Stewart. I’ve failed him greatly

as well. I was a poor father, never around when he

really needed me. I had bad role models, but that really

isn’t any excuse. I know that now, when it’s too late.

I entrusted him with this letter to you because I

want you to comfort each other in my absence. In this,

just believe that Charlie knows best.

I should have given you up a long time ago, so you

could find a true love in your life, but I was selfish in

my old age. I’m very happy that you finally broke the

tie that tethered you to me.

I only ask that you find happiness wherever it comes

from. Don’t let my death hold you back and don’t think

this is your fault. I knew my time was close, maybe that

is why I tried to hold onto you so tightly.

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Don’t let Stewart blame himself either. Please help

each other to really live.

Love,

Charlie

I dropped the letter and let it flutter to the floor,

then looked up at Stewart, but I had a hard time

seeing him through the tears. His blurry image

walked over to me and knelt at my feet. He wiped

the tears from my eyes. I lost myself in the green

depths of his eyes before I moved forward and

shifted my gaze to his lips. A taste couldn’t hurt.

Our lips touched and I closed my eyes. All

thoughts of Charlie slipped from my mind. It

didn’t matter, in this moment, that Stewart was

Charlie’s son.

I felt his hands slip into my hair and melted

into the caress. My arms wrapped around his

body, bringing him closer to me, not caring about

his wet clothes. I nibbled at his lips, asking for

entrance. He opened to me and I invaded his

mouth. I couldn’t get enough. He tasted of mint

and a flavor I couldn’t describe, but I loved it.

One of us moaned, but I don’t know who it

was. I really didn’t care. I needed him naked, to

really feel alive in the shadow of death. We

fumbled with each other’s clothes, our lips never

losing contact. I tugged on his pants, using my feet

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10

to help him shimmy out of them. We both

struggled to peel the wet, clingy material from

Stewart’s body. Our shirts forced us apart. I

hurried because I wanted his lips again. Like a

bee, I was drawn to the honey of his kiss.

He pulled me down so I covered his body. The

feel of his wet, naked flesh against mine was

heaven. I needed more. I rolled us so I could feel

his weight. “I need…oh God, I need you inside

me,” I managed to whisper against his lips.

I felt that spark of life for the first time in

months. This need to connect with a warm body

overwhelmed me. At this point, I didn’t care if I

wanted him for him or to wipe away the memory

of Charlie. I needed him and he needed me. That

was what I focused on as I wrapped my legs

around his body. I wanted to lose myself in him.

“Lube? Condom?” he asked while nuzzling my

ear.

I didn’t want to move, but I nudged him off me.

We stood and I guided him to my room. This

shouldn’t be happening. Not with Charlie’s son.

But a voice inside my head, which sounded

suspiciously like Charlie’s, told me to hold on to

Stewart. He could be everything Charlie couldn’t.

I shook off my thoughts and watched Stewart

sprawl across my bed. I bit my lip and turned to

find the supplies we needed.

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“Aha!” I said and turned to face the man in my

bed. I almost dropped the prophylactics on the

floor as I saw him stroking his cock. I wanted that,

no, I needed that to fill me. I tossed the condoms

on the bed and opened the lube. I crawled onto the

bed and poured some on my fingers. It had been a

while and I needed to stretch myself. I watched his

face as I pushed my first finger inside my hole.

“Another,” he said as he covered his cock with

the condom.

I added a second finger. He moaned when I

quickly added a third. It was my turn to groan. I’d

opened myself enough. I needed him inside me. I

moved to straddle his thighs. I reached behind me

for his dick, positioned myself and inched my way

until I felt his thighs against my ass. I started slow,

working through the burn. I’d never felt so full. It

didn’t take long for Stewart to flip me onto my

back. “Harder, please. Make me forget. Make me

feel.” I rambled.

Stewart quickened his thrusts.

I put my palms against the headboard and used

the leverage to push back.

“So good, Rafe. You feel so good.”

“I’m close, Stu.”

“I want to feel you. Come. Now.”

My body listened and on the next thrust, my

cock erupted, coating our chests with my come.

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12

He didn’t last much longer. His dick pulsed inside

me one last time before he screamed his release.

Stewart rolled off me and pulled me into his

arms. The thump of his heartbeat lulled me to

sleep.

Something tickled my nose. I didn’t want to

wake up, but the sensation forced my eyes to

open. When they did, the most beautiful orbs

gazed into mine. It took a minute for the fog of

sleep to drift away, but the moment it cleared, I

couldn’t stop the grin from spreading over my

face.

“I didn’t think you’d ever wake up.” Stewart

leaned down and kissed my smiling lips.

Even though we’d fucked ourselves

unconscious the night before, I couldn’t get

enough. I could quickly become addicted to this

man’s kisses, to his touch along my skin.

He pulled back and I reached up to brush my

fingers along his cheek. What was it about this

man? I really knew nothing about him. My doubts

began to surface with the rising of the sun. What

was I thinking? “We shouldn’t have done this?” I

said in panic.

“Why not?”

“I was your father’s lover.”

“Was. Past tense. How long had the two of you

been separated before he died?”

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“About a month.”

“Did you plan on getting back together with

him?”

He sounded calm in the face of my neurosis.

One more thing to endear him to me. “No. Not

this time. I want to be loved for me and to be the

only special person in my man’s life. Something

Charlie couldn’t give me.”

“I want that, too, you know? I think deep

down, everyone wants that.”

“Charlie didn’t.”

“My dad was a hard man to know. He never

told me he loved me and basically stayed out of

my life. When I got older, he showed up on our

doorstep and introduced himself. I knew who he

was. My mom talked about him a lot. She still

loved him.” He stopped and looked at me before

continuing. “I wonder what it was about him that

caused people to stay in love with him. After that,

he showed up once a year and spent the day with

me.”

“Sounds lonely,” I said as I stroked his chest. I

had fond memories of my parents and couldn’t

imagine not seeing them everyday.

“It wasn’t. I had my mom. So what do you

think?” He pulled me on top of him and buried his

face in my neck.

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I lost my train of thought as his tongue stroked

and tickled my throat. “Hmm…what?” His laugh

vibrated against my skin.

“Us, what do you think about us?”

I forced myself to focus on his words. “Is there

an us beyond today?”

“I’d like there to be. I think we should at least

try.”

“I don’t kn—”

He didn’t let me finish my sentence. His lips

devoured mine, nipping and biting. His hands

drifted down my body and squeezed my ass,

rubbing our cocks together. I rocked my hips,

wanting more friction.

Stewart wrapped his legs around my body to

stop my movement. I whimpered at the loss.

“We could have this and more. Just give us a

chance. Let’s get to know each other. What do we

have to lose?”

He continued to hold me tight and I relaxed

against him. I could get used to this. I felt a sense

of safety in his arms. Did I want to risk my heart

again? Did the apple fall far from the tree? I

nodded against his chest, but it wasn’t enough.

He used a finger to raise my face so we stared

at each other.

“Let’s try,” I whispered, but he still wouldn’t let

me off that easy. He made me work for it.

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“What was that?” He smiled while he said it. It

lit up his face.

I found myself grinning back. The playfulness

was nice. “I said, let’s do this.” I needed to taste

him again. I wanted him. I slid my lips against his,

but had my mind on tasting another part of his

body. I peppered kisses along his torso, stopping

at his nipples. I let my teeth graze each one, his

hips showed his appreciation. I didn’t linger, but

made my way to his dick. Pre-come glistened and

beckoned me. My tongue licked at his cock. He

moaned and thrust at me, trying to get me to take

him fully into my mouth, but I wanted to play.

I leaned away and blew a puff of air along his

wet cock. He shivered under me. I took him in my

mouth and swallowed him until he was deep in

my throat and hummed. He tasted so good,

another thing to become addicted to. I pulled off

his dick with a pop and went back for more, but

he pulled me up his body. I loved his strength. I

wasn’t a small man, but he was so much bigger.

Stewart flipped us so I lay under him.

“Are you too sore?” he asked softly.

I would have said no even if I was. I wanted to

be full of him again. “Fuck me, Stu.”

“Hands and knees.”

His authority turned me on. I followed his

demand and he smacked my ass. I got harder, if

that was even possible. Who knew I was into that?

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I sure didn’t. I shuddered as the cool liquid slid

down my ass crack. It didn’t take long for Stewart

to warm me up as his finger circled my opening. I

flinched as his first finger entered, but when it

brushed against my gland, I rocked back. “Please,

more.” I begged.

Stewart rewarded me with a second finger. He

pegged my gland, again and again. Still it wasn’t

enough. I rocked back harder.

“Do you want more, my sweet?” he asked.

I couldn’t respond with words so I nodded

vigorously.

Stewart slapped my ass again.

“Gonna…”

“Not yet. Wait for me,” he demanded.

He slammed into me with enough force to

knock me into the headboard. I didn’t even feel it.

The burn was so good. Better than before. I braced

one hand against the bed and the other, I

tightened around the base of my cock. I wasn’t

ready to come. Not yet. “Harder.” I panted. I was

down to single words.

Stewart picked up his pace, his thrusts no

longer smooth. He was close. I released my dick,

put my other hand on the bed and used the

leverage from the headboard to push back,

meeting him thrust for thrust. I painted the bed

with my seed as he yelled my name.

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We collapsed on the bed, his weight a comfort

against my back. We both struggled for breath.

The only thing I could smell was the thick scent of

sex that drifted around the room. I couldn’t move

from the wet spot I’d landed in. It took a couple

minutes for Stewart to roll off me. He pulled me

along with him and soothed a hand down my

chest as he spooned me in front of him. I drifted

for a moment before I spoke, my eyes struggling

to stay open.

“We should shower.” The words left my

mouth, but I really didn’t want to move. I forced

myself out of his arms and off the bed. I didn’t

look back to see if he followed. I stumbled into the

bathroom and turned on the shower. It didn’t take

long for me to feel his arms close themselves

around me. I settled back and listened to the water

hit the tub.

It seemed surreal to be in Stewart’s arms when

just yesterday we’d put Charlie in the ground. I

thought I should feel bad, but I didn’t. I could

finally have my chance at happiness with the man

holding me in his arms and I was ready for it. I

was more than ready, I’d been waiting for this

moment for years and didn’t even know it.

Stewart nudged me toward the shower and I

stepped in. We took our time exploring each

other’s bodies. I loved the way he felt under my

hands. I grabbed the body wash and soaped my

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new lover’s body. Charlie and I never played and I

found myself enjoying these moments.

“Where did you go?” he asked me.

My hands stopped moving. “Thinking.”

“About Dad?”

“Yes. Are you angry?”

“No. I won’t say it isn’t a little weird because it

is. But I know you’ll think of him from time to

time. You loved him. I’m sure he’ll always have a

special place in your heart. I just hope I can have a

little part of you as my own.”

I hugged him close to me. “I want to give you a

piece of my heart, but we need to get to know each

other better. Can you handle the fact that I was

with your dad?”

“I think if I’d been closer with him, things

would be different, but I barely knew the man. He

was my dad in name only.”

He hugged me back. It was then I knew things

would be okay, that we might have a chance at a

future. One I never expected, but would embrace.

Maybe Charlie would smile down on us with his

blessing.

We dried each other off and my stomach

rumbled. I laughed and looked at Stewart. “Want

some breakfast? I can see if I have anything or we

can go out.”

“I don’t want to share you yet. Let’s go raid

your kitchen.”

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We didn’t find much, but the bagels were

enough to keep our hunger at bay. The two of us

headed back to my room, content to hold each

other and talk, not just about Charlie, but our

lives.

I found out he lived a few blocks over and

worked downtown. He surprised me by telling me

he worked for Charlie. It was weird we hadn’t met

before. I think I shocked him when he found out I

was a police officer.

“Really? You’re a cop?”

I had to laugh. “Yes, really.”

We reminisced a little about Charlie, but we

kept it light. I think the thing that stunned me the

most was how little I really understood about the

man I thought I loved.

We spent the weekend getting to know each

other. I kept him in bed with me, only getting up

to eat. I worried about what the week would

bring, but let myself really enjoy being alive.

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Two Months Later…

I walked to Charlie’s grave and noticed the dead

and blackened roses someone had left. I picked

them up and set them aside. I’d get rid of them

later. I replaced them with a few vibrant white

roses before I sat down on the grass in front of his

tombstone. I pulled a few weeds. I needed to talk

to him, but stalled for a few minutes. It was hard

to finally say goodbye to my old lover, but I

needed to do this before I told Stu I loved him and

asked him to move in with me.

“Hello, Charlie. I need to talk to you and at

least now you have no choice but to listen.” I

chuckled a little at myself, trying to laugh instead

of cry. “I love him, but I think you know that,

don’t you? Is this what you meant when you said

we should take care of each other? If it was, then I

have a lot to thank you for. I’m sorry that it took

your death to bring me and Stewart together, but

I’m happy he is in my life now. Thank you for

your letter. It meant a lot to me that you were

thinking of me when you had to have had so

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much more on your mind. I wish you would’ve

told me you were sick. I know why you didn’t. I

would have come back. I think you figured that

out, too, that’s why you kept it from me. I’m glad

you told Stewart. That you reached out to him.

“I’m sure Stu and I will have our rough

patches, but I think we’ll weather them. I hope

you’re happy, wherever you are, that you found

the other half of your soul. No matter what, you

deserve to have some enjoyment.” I thought about

what I should say next. I felt a little silly talking to

myself, but I needed this. We needed this.

The last two months had been the best of my

life, filled with love and laughter. Stewart and I

couldn’t keep our hands off each other, but it was

more then sex. It was…just more. I found, with

Stewart, something I thought I would never have.

Home. Wherever he was, I felt safe and secure.

“I wish you could be here to talk to your son. I

know Stewart misses you. He talks about your

times together and I can see how much he craved

that father and son relationship. He makes me

laugh and enjoy life. I think he could have done

that for you in a way I never could. Goodbye,

Charlie. Next time I come, it will be with Stewart. I

may be saying farewell to us, but you’ll always

have a place in my heart, I’m just ready to give

Stewart a bigger piece.”

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Jambrea Jo Jones

22

I stood and brushed the grass off my jeans. I

had to work tonight, but Stewart and I had a date

before my shift. I couldn’t keep the grin off my

face if I wanted to. Two months ago, I thought

love was dead and gone or didn’t exist. With

Stewart, I found love again.

This weekend I planned on introducing Stewart

to my parents. I couldn’t wait for them to meet the

man who made my heart sing. They would love

him just as much as I did.

First things first, I had to tell my man how

much he meant to me. Everything else would fall

into place.

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About the Author

Jambrea Jo Jones wanted to be the youngest

romance author published, but other things got in

the way of her dream. She gave up writing and

went on with her life. After serving in the Air

Force she came back home and started her family.

A few years later she discovered yahoo groups

and reviewing. There was no looking back.

Reviewing helped her get the writing bug back

and her friends kept pushing her along until she

turned in her first manuscript to a publisher.

Jambrea lives with her family in Indiana where

she reads and plays with her son when she isn’t

writing. She loves to hear reader feedback and is

addicted to the internet. Feel free to email her at

binojo2@yahoo.com.


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