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This story was first published on October 25th, 2012, and was last updated on
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29. Epi Life After Death

- 4 -

Summary

When her brother Emmett is diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia, Bella

attempts to save him by secretly embarking on a radical scheme involving his best
friend Edward. As their plan proceeds, Bella and Edward must deal with the
repercussions of their actions and a love they were never expecting. A/H

- 5 -

Prologue

Against the Odds

Description: When her brother Emmett is diagnosed with an aggressive form of

leukemia, Bella attempts to save him by secretly embarking on a radical scheme
involving his best friend Edward. As their plan proceeds, Bella and Edward must
deal with the repercussions of their actions and a love they were never expecting.

AH, Angst/Romance, HEA

*Banner on my profile, check it out!

A/N: I'm not claiming to know anything about leukemia or bone marrow

transplants, so if you're close to the topic or are in the medical field and can't
suspend reality for fiction, then this may not be the story for you.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Prologue

I tried to hold it in. I tried to ignore the torturous burning from the pressure he

was creating. But my knuckles felt like they were going to tear right through my
skin from how tightly I was grasping on to the covers below me, and I knew I
couldn't hold on for a moment longer...

My screams were muffled by my own pillow after my trembling hands failed to

stay attached to their positions and moved to hide my face in a last ditch effort to
stay quiet, and that was his breaking point.

"What are you doing?" I cried out as I felt him back away from me. When I pulled

the pillow off my face and sat up to look at him, he was on the other side of the room
fastening his pants. "That's it? You're just done?"

"This is wrong," he replied. His voice was strained with the guilt and frustration

that he was obviously feeling from the event. "We can't do this. I can't believe I even
let it go this far."

"We have to do this!" I replied angrily. "You can't just walk away now."

- 6 -

"Yes, I can," he said sternly before grabbing his shoes and heading for the door.

"Edward, I need you," I said desperately.

He turned back to me slowly. "No, what you need is to forget about all of this. It

wouldn't have worked anyway."

"You don't know that," I argued with tears streaming down my face. "How will we

ever know if we don't try?"

"We did try. This was trying," he said while gesturing towards the bed. "It's not

going to work so we need to just…stop."

"How can you say that? After everything he's done for you, how can you

just….give up? He'd never give up on you, and you know that!" I argued emotionally.

He froze in shock as if I just slapped him across the face. "That's not fair," he said

slowly. "I'd do anything for him."

"Obviously not," I challenged.

He shook his head. "This won't work. Even if we went through with it, the chances

of it actually helping him are slim, and then what? You're stuck living with this for
the rest of your life."

I huffed. "We already talked about this. I understand what you're saying, but I

think I know myself a little better then you do. I won't let it affect me, but if I sit
back and do nothing when there is even the slightest chance that I can save him….
that's something I'd never forgive myself for, and trust me, you won't either."

He was quiet as he considered everything I was saying, and then he sighed in

defeat. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll live," I replied meaningfully. "But if we don't do this….he doesn't even have a

chance."

I could see the conflict burning in his eyes, but I knew he would ultimately agree

to it. The consequence to our decision could never outweigh the alternative, and we
were both unwilling to give up without a fight….

- 7 -

***A/N: I got the idea for this from watching a TLC documentary. LOL. I

have no idea why, but I've been thinking about it for a while now. I hope it's
obvious where this is headed so you know it's definitely not going to be a
light and fluffy story. But if anyone is interested in reading more, please let
me know with a review.

I have a couple chapters in the works, but I also have ideas for a few other

stories and I just wasn't sure which to proceed with at this time. I may
decide to write more than one, so if this isn't a plotline for you perhaps my
next story will be

If you do decide to read this, try not to get caught up in the whys. It's not

really about the reason behind what's going to happen, it's the relationship
that develops between them as a result. I definitely don't want to open a
moral debate with this, so just remember that people don't always think
rationally in events such as these, and it is fiction.

Thanks for giving it a chance either way, I really appreciate the support.

~KC

- 8 -

Ch1 Never the Same

Chapter 1 – Never the Same

Two Years Prior

"Ok, you have got to be the luckiest girl in school," Rose said excitedly to me on

the morning of the big homecoming game.

"Why?" I asked, though I was pretty sure I already knew what she was going to

say.

"Your brother is the hottest guy in school. I can't imagine what it's like to wake up

in the same house as the captain of the varsity football team."

"I don't exactly think of my brother that way," I pointed out.

"Oh, right…. I guess I don't wish I was you. But you do get to be home when all

the other players come over to hang out. I mean, you can't crush on Emmett, but
Edward and some of the others are almost as sexy."

I rolled my eyes - the mere mention of Edward automatically gave me that

reaction. It wasn't that I thought he was ugly, but I supposed I just knew him too
well to think of him as anything other than disgusting.

Edward Masen was my brother's long time best friend. The two of them were

inseparable, and as much as I didn't get along with my brother, I got along with
Edward even less. It was bad enough having to deal with the smelly unhygienic oaf
that I was related to, but to deal with his 'wing man' as Emmett called him, was
definitely worse. The fridge was always raided, the stench of sweat and BO coming
from Emmett's room would leak into mine, and the toilet seats were always left up
with urine and unidentified pubic hairs sprinkled all over the place. It didn't matter
how recently the house was stocked and cleaned, the guys dirtied it in inhuman
speed.

"Well you're more than welcome to my life," I said to Rose carelessly.

"Oh, come on. I mean, you can't really hate living in the center of the varsity

team's social headquarters. Your house is the coolest place in town."

- 9 -

"Cool is in the eye of the beholder," I told her. "I think Jane Austen and William

Shakespeare are cool, not brawny boys who enjoy getting their heads bashed in. I
always tell Emmett that he's going to end up brain dead from playing football, but
he never listens."

"Oh Bella," Rose said with a sigh while draping her arm over my shoulder. "If I

didn't love you so much I'd probably call you a nerd."

"Thanks," I said carelessly.

Rosalie and I had been friends for as long as I could remember, but somewhere

around the sixth grade we started growing apart. She grew breasts and discovered
that boys didn't actually have coodies, and I grew mosquito bites and discovered
that boys in real life would never measure up to the ones in classic fairy tales. For
whatever reason however, we always stayed friends. I'd help her with her homework
and staying on track, and she helped me loosen up a bit and force me to have a life
outside of books.

The thing was, Rose was really my only friend and as I got older, I became more

and more resistant of school 'life'. I wasn't very outgoing and I definitely wasn't
athletic, but I wasn't particularly smart either so I didn't even have the more
intellectual kids to socialize with. In fact, I wasn't really good at anything; I didn't
have that one thing I excelled in that most people seemed to have. I just floated
about my life without any particular direction. I supposed I had time to figure it all
out, but I just knew I'd wake up one day and realize my time was up and I still didn't
have any plans.

I refused to admit it out loud, but a part of me was jealous of my brother. Football

was stupid and it was wrong that his teachers would fix grades for him to play, but
at least he knew what he wanted out of life. He was going to get to handpick which
college he went to and then probably be drafted into the NFL after that. It just
wasn't fair.

"So I'll see you at the game tonight?" Rose asked me before we parted ways.

"Ugh….I guess so," I whined, really not wanting to go but not wanting her to show

up at my house regardless and drag me there.

"Don't sound so unhappy about it; we're in high school now Bella, these are

supposed to be the best years of our lives. I'll see you later," she said with a smile
and a wave.

- 10 -

I waved back grudgingly. If these were the best years of our lives, my life was

seriously going to be pathetic.

….

God, I hated football. I mean, I really hated it…like with a passion. The entire town

was there to cheer on the team as my brother led them towards the regional
championship.

My parents were sitting four rows below me, all decked out in our school colors

and waving their team flags as if it was some kind of national holiday. And then the
crowd started chanting… "Swan, Swan, Swan…" It was rather embarrassing.

Emmett had the ball and was looking for someone open, and of course, because

they were so freaken in-sync, Edward suddenly appeared down the field ready to
receive. But suddenly there was an odd change in the play and Edward moved away.

"What's he doing?" I asked myself, as if I actually cared.

The other team closed in on Emmett, so he threw it in Edward's general direction

right before he was tackled. Luckily Edward switched course once again, and was
able to catch the ball and run it into the end zone for the win.

The crowd went wild and even I had a hint of a smile on my lips; it was hard not to

be sucked in by the elated energy around me. But everyone was so excited that they
didn't seem to notice the way Emmett took longer than usual to get up after his hit.

"Something's wrong with Emmett," I said, mostly to myself.

"He looks fine to me," Rose replied as we watched my brother slowly climb to his

feet.

"I don't know. He's never taken so long to recover from a blow before."

"Oh, he's probably just taking his time to gloat. That game was amazing."

The team split up to grab both Emmett and Edward, and hoisted them up on their

shoulders to celebrate. Emmett was laughing and cheering along with them, so I
figured that I must have just imagined his off behavior and chose to forget about it.

Most of the town went out to party afterwards; I, of course, went home and

finished reading my latest book from the library. And because I went to bed early, I

- 11 -

was awake before anyone else the next morning, which proved to be an issues just
as it often was.

"Turn off the lights," Edward croaked from the living room couch. I was in the

kitchen making myself some breakfast and had flipped on the lights because it was
still dark out, but I guess that was unacceptable.

"I can't see without the lights on," I told him.

"It's six in the morning, for crying out loud, go back to bed," he replied agitated.

"Why are you even here anyway; don't you have a home of your own?" I asked. It

was actually a rhetorical question which I asked him just about every week. Edward
was always crashing on our couch, and despite my protests, my parents never sent
him home.

"If I went home you'd miss me," he joked as he rolled off the couch and headed

into the kitchen.

"Oh please don't get up on my account," I said with a wrinkled nose.

He ignored me and went into the fridge to grab the orange juice, which he drank

straight from the carton, and then he burped loudly without even attempting to
cover his mouth or apologize. It was utterly disgusting, and the only thing I could
think of was what Rose would say if she could see him and Emmett the way that I
did.

"So what's on your busy schedule for the day?" he asked mockingly knowing I

probably had no plans. "Make your bed, read a book, then watch a marathon of the
week's soap operas on DVR?"

"Yep, that exactly what I plan to do," I said sarcastically. "You know me so well."

"It's a gift, what can I say."

I rolled my eyes at him. "And what's on your busy calendar for the day? Eat all our

food, follow Emmett around like a lost puppy, and wind up crashing some party to
get drunk and sleep with random girls?"

He looked at me with faux dramatic astonishment. "Wow, and I thought I was the

one who could read minds."

- 12 -

"Oh, you read minds now, do you?" I said slightly amused. "What am I thinking

right now?"

"Nope, sorry, it doesn't work on you," he said casually while grabbing some

leftovers from the fridge and taking it to the table.

"Uh huh, and why not?"

"Because your brain works on a different frequency then the rest of us; one that

can only be heard by the aliens on your home planet."

"Oh right, you claim to read minds but I'm the alien?"

"Maybe if you didn't spend all you time reading, you'd actually make some friends

and your brain would fix itself."

"Whatever. If you can read other people's minds, then why don't you tell me what

my parents are dreaming about upstairs, or Emmett?" I asked, wondering why the
hell I was continuing with the nonsense.

"Your parents aren't dreaming…they're going at it like rabbits but your dad is

imagining a super model in your mom's place. And Emmett is dealing with his
morning wood."

I scrunched my face and had to fight the urge to vomit. "You are…."

"Adorable, I know."

"You think pretending to be able to read people's minds when they're doing nasty

things is adorable?" I said incredulously. "And people think I'm off."

"No, people think you're off because you think things like sex and masturbation

are 'nasty'. Don't worry about it though, you're still young; I'm sure even you will
grow up and think sex isn't such a bad thing….whether it be with a woman or a man,
you'll get there eventually."

"Oh, now I'm a lesbian? I'm not even fifteen yet; I think it's fine that I've never had

a boyfriend. And it is perfectly normal to find the idea of my parents having sex
disturbing."

"I didn't say you were a lesbian, only that if you were it would be perfectly fine

and not completely unexpected. In fact, I bet Emmett would prefer it so he didn't

- 13 -

have to kick the ass of whatever loser you end up dating."

"You're a moron," I said bitterly, unable to think of a better comeback. The entire

conversation had quickly surpassed being absurd and I was done wasting my breath
on it. I just really couldn't wait until that summer when Edward and Emmett would
graduate and hopefully leave town for a while. I was a freshman and would only
spend that one year with them in school, but that was way more than enough for me.
I was already so tired of being known as Emmett's little sister….I'd much prefer to
not be known at all.

I grabbed my breakfast and a book, and escaped Edward's appalling presence to

go watch the sun rise on the front porch swing.

A little while later, Emmett and Edward came barreling out of the house headed to

wherever the day's big social gathering was being held, and for a moment, just a
brief second, I wished I could go with them. Perhaps I was a little lonely; perhaps I
was so closed off because deep down I was slightly jealous that they always had
somewhere to go and people to see. I wasn't outgoing, and for the most part I was
comfortable in my life, but I did momentarily wonder what it would be like to be
them.

"Bella, what are you doing out here?" my dad asked me as he walked out of the

house carrying his fishing gear.

I held up my book to show him.

He huffed. "It's Saturday, why don't you go do…something? Go hang out with

friends, go shopping, anything is better than what you're doing."

I rolled my eyes. "Most parents would prefer their teen daughter staying out of

trouble."

"A little trouble never hurt anyone."

"Right, tell that to Mr. Stanley," I said with a laugh.

"Just because Jessica is pregnant, doesn't mean all teen girls get into that much

trouble," Charlie replied, slightly irritated. Jessica Stanley getting pregnant while in
high school was our small town's biggest scandal. It practically made headlines in
the newspaper. Every parent kept their teens at arm's length for a few months after
word first got out; I sort of wished someone else would get pregnant as well, just to
go back to everyone being on lock down. High school sucked the most when the kids

- 14 -

felt like they could get away with anything.

"Well, I still don't feel like doing anything other than what I'm doing," I told him.

"I just worry about you Bella. I don't want you to shun the world and one day wake

up and realize your life has passed you by."

I huffed. I was already questioning my existence, I really didn't need my dad to lay

it on as well.

"I know, I know," Charlie responded to my obvious disapproval of his comment.

"How about you spend the day with your old man fishing?"

"Thanks, but no thanks," I said with a smirk, knowing all too well he already knew

my answer before he asked the question.

"You know, apart from socially, a little sunshine might do you some good."

"Not interested," I reiterated.

He mumbled something under his breath before finally saying goodbye and

leaving for the day.

I felt like an utter loser. Even my own father thought so, which made me all that

much more irritated, both with myself and everyone else. Was it so bad that I saw
the world differently than most kids my age? I really should have been born in a
different century.

But that brief talk with my father was definitely a changing point for me. I

suddenly became determined to make a few new friends that year and to force
myself to enjoy living company for a change, instead of just the company of sorted
words in classic novels. If for no other reason, a fuller social life would get my family
off my back. Maybe I just wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it, that my
antisocialism was self-appointed and not because I was weird or too odd for other
people to get along with.

I called Rose. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"Uh…who is this?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's Bella."

- 15 -

"Yeah, I saw the caller ID, but I still don't know if I believe it."

"Ha, ha, very funny. So what's going on? Any parties or get-togethers?"

"I can call around and find out…but why do you want to go to one?"

I hesitated. Why did I want to go to one? – "Just…because." I couldn't give her a

better answer because I just didn't have one. If I told her that my dad, and well,
Edward, made me feel bad about myself so I was going to prove that I could, she'd
probably think I was an even bigger loser than she already did.

"O-kay," she said, probably thinking if she questioned me too much on the subject

I'd change my mind. "I'll pick you up around seven."

"Ok."

"Oh, and Bella, wear something sexy."

I rolled my eyes at her again and seriously wished she could see me.

I didn't own anything sexy…sexy wasn't me…but I dutifully went to my closet to

see what I could find.

"Ugh, I have absolutely nothing to wear!" I shouted in frustration. I didn't care

about impressing anyone, but I didn't want to look like the uptight prude that I was
either. I guess a part of me just wanted to be different. Just for the night, I wanted to
be someone other than me and actually fit in.

So I did the unthinkable….I went into my mother's closet and borrowed one of her

outfits. Renee had once commented on how she wished we were close enough to
share clothes and tell each other all our secrets, but I always resisted the notion.
She was a socialite and dressed the part of a desperate housewife – it was always
embarrassing to me. It was bad enough having all the girls in my school drooling
over my brother, but to have all the guys in town drooling over my mother was more
than disturbing. I'd never understand how her and my humble, low-profile, father
ever got together in the first place.

I picked out one of her tightest black cocktail dresses, and reluctantly brought it

back to my room to put it on. I looked in the mirror and was actually pleasantly
surprised by the way it clung to my body in all the right places, it even made me
look like I had bigger boobs….but then I huffed and took it off, instead settling on
jeans and a tank top. That dress just wasn't me, so it was really pointless to even try.

- 16 -

Rose and her older friend Maggie arrived early at six thirty, and they honked the

car horn impatiently when I took too long to come out.

"Jeeze, what took you so long?" Rose asked frustrated as she got out of the

passenger seat to let me crawl in the back.

"You said seven," I said defensively.

"So, you should have been ready at five…I was."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Sorry, next time I'll keep my purse on my shoulder all

afternoon and make sure to leave my house keys in the lock so all I have to do is
turn it and leave."

"Ok," she said seriously.

"Why do you lock your front door when you leave anyway; your dad is the police

chief, who would break into your house?" Maggie asked.

"Anyone who hates the police chief."

She thought about it for a moment. "Oh…right."

By the time we got to the house party there were so many cars that we had a hard

time finding a place to park, and I found myself wondering what the safety code was
in that area for such a thing…God, I was such a loser.

When we finally found a spot and got out of the car, Rose noticed my attire. "What

the hell are you wearing? I told you to dress sexy."

"This tank is tight," I argued. Usually I only wore it as an undershirt, so at least I

didn't throw on my flannel over it like I would have preferred.

Rose huffed but otherwise dropped the subject.

"Hey look, your brother's here," Maggie said as we walked towards the house.

Emmett's jeep was unmistakable with his raised monster tires and woman silhouette
mud-flaps; everyone always knew when Emmett was around.

"Great," I said sarcastically, but I was actually glad he was there. He'd get a

chance to see me with 'friends' so perhaps he'd mention it to my parents and they'd
all get off my back.

- 17 -

The party was everything I was expecting – loud, crowded, and full of alcohol and

people smoking pot. After five minutes I was already regretting my decision to go.

"Bella?" Emmett asked when we crossed paths. He had a drink in one hand, and a

wasted chick hanging on his other. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Partying," I said flatly.

"Shouldn't you be home knitting or something?" he asked.

"I don't knit," I said annoyed. I curiously found myself looking around for Edward;

even though I'd never admit it, I wanted him to see me there so he'd stop thinking I
was a loser as well. "Where's your lackey?"

"Huh?" Emmett asked, having a hard time focusing on anything at the moment.

"Edward. I'm not used to seeing you without him; usually you're joined at the hip."

"Oh, he's probably off somewhere getting laid. That's what parties are for," he

said with a laugh, but then suddenly became serious. "You need to go home."

Suddenly someone banged into me from behind, which practically knocked me

over. "Whoa," I said, trying to regain my composure.

"What the hell, fuck-tart!" Emmett yelled at the guy. "Watch where you're going,

that's my sister!" he said protectively. Emmett preferred to not acknowledge me in
public for the most part, but when someone messed with me, even accidently, he
wasn't about to stand by and let it go.

"For heaven's sake, he didn't do it on purpose!" I yelled at my brother.

"No one pushes you around," he said sternly. "Now, go home. You don't belong

here."

"I'm not leaving! I'm just trying to have fun just like everyone else here," I said

irritated. But I didn't go there to hang out with my brother, so I turned and walked
away from him.

I searched for Rose, but when I found her she was making out with some random

guy so I decided to leave her alone. God, I just wanted to go home. Who was I
kidding anyway - everyone who glanced at me as I walked around aimlessly knew I
didn't belong there. But since I came with Rose and Maggie, and it didn't look like

- 18 -

they would be ready to leave any time soon, I decided to just sit on the front porch
and read one of my e books on my phone.

I got through two chapters when suddenly there was some commotion inside the

party, and then a group of people stumbled out. I was surprised to see Emmett in
the center of them; he was slouched over Edward and another guy's shoulders as
they made their way to Em's jeep.

"What's going on?" I asked as I hurried to catch up to them.

"Nothing, he's just had a little too much to drink," Edward said dismissively. But

Emmett looked more than a little wasted….he was completely out of it.

"A little too much?" I asked incredulously. I hadn't been outside all that long, so I

was surprised that he was able to get that wasted in such a short amount of time.

"Nah, he's fine," Edward insisted.

But Emmett wasn't fine. All of a sudden he started shaking and his eyes rolled

behind his head. The other guy automatically let him go and Edward wasn't strong
enough to hold his massive frame alone as he convulsed, but he refused to let him
go regardless. The two of them fell to the ground as I watched helplessly confused.
"Oh my god!"

"Emmett!" Edward shouted at him as he continued to hold his head up to the best

of his ability. "Emmett, come on man!"

"What's happening?" I screamed.

"I don't know!" Edward said in a panic. "Go get help idiot!" he yelled at the other

guy there.

"We can't call 911," the guy told him. "The police will come and there's a ton of

pot in there."

"Jesus Christ," Edward mumbled to himself. "I don't give a shit, call a fucking

ambulance!"

But then, as quickly as it came on, Emmett's shaking stopped and he regained

consciousness….well, sort of. "What's going on?" he asked groggily.

Edward let out a laugh of relief. "Man, I think you got some bad alcohol or

- 19 -

something."

"Ugh, I feel like shit," Emmett mumbled.

"Yeah, you look like shit too. We better get you to the hospital to make sure you're

ok," Edward told him.

"Nah, I'm fine," Em said while trying to sit up, but he was still so woozy that he

laid right back down again.

"Dude, you could have alcohol poisoning or something, I mean you were throwing

up and then started shaking…" Edward shook his head slowly. "That aint right, you
need to go get checked out."

"My dad is going to kill me," Emmett huffed weakly. "I'm still in hot water from

the last party I went to."

"I'll cover for you," I said, surprising them as well as myself. He scared me more

than I'd care to admit so I guess I was sort of feeling charitable at the moment. "I'll
just tell him you guys were at home. Mom and dad don't care as much if you're
drinking at home, right?"

"They still care, but not as much…thanks Bella," Emmett replied quietly.

I decided sitting in an ER waiting room for hours was better than hanging at that

noisy party all night, so I decided to go with them. Edward was going to drive
Emmett's jeep there and I hopped in back, but it was quite a struggle to get Em up
into the passenger seat. I had to admit, I laughed a little as it took three guys to
push him up inside. Served him right for never being satisfied with the rise in the
thing in the first place.

Edward drove like a bat out of hell towards Forks Mercy, and sitting in the back

seat of that thing had to be the bounciest ride I had ever been on. "Slow down!" I
shouted at him.

"This is an emergency Bella, people go fast in emergencies," Edward replied

evenly.

Emmett groaned.

"See, you're making him sick!" I argued.

- 20 -

"He's already sick, which is why I'm trying to get him to the hospital as fast as

possible. You should have just stayed at the party if you were so nervous about fast
driving."

"There is no way in hell I would have left my fourteen year old sister there,"

Emmett grumbled weakly.

I couldn't see Edward's face, but I was sure he rolled his eyes at his comment.

After arriving at the hospital, we escorted Emmett to the ER and I was shocked by

just how pale he was. He kept his arm draped over Edward's shoulder for support
and was semi walking, but he still looked horrible.

I stood by and listened to Emmett and Edward describing his symptoms to the

processing nurse, and I was surprised when they mentioned that he'd been feeling
sick off and on for a few weeks - though I figured they were just elaborating the
truth a bit just so they wouldn't automatically assume it was alcohol related. They
were idiots. They should have realized that doctors could figure it out if they were
lying.

After they took Emmett in the back, Edward and I sat in the waiting room in

awkward silence. I knew it would take a while, so I pulled my phone back out and
started reading my book again. I never thought to call my parents, but when they
came walking into the room about an hour later, I felt slightly guilty for not thinking
about them sooner. The hospital must have called them.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Mom asked me, surprised that I was there.

"Oh, well I was with Emmett when he got sick," I explained vaguely.

"Well, there's no sense in you hanging out any longer, it's late," my dad said, and

then he looked at Edward. "Do you mind taking her home?"

"Sure Charlie, no problem," Edward replied.

Edward still had Emmett's keys so he drove us home, figuring that my parents

would just take Em home in a few hours after they figured out what was wrong with
him, unless…

"Do you really think he has alcohol poisoning?" I asked Edward quietly as he

pulled onto my home street.

- 21 -

He shrugged. "He hasn't been feeling all that great lately, maybe he has the flu."

"If you really only thought he had the flu then why'd you insist on taking him to

the hospital?" I questioned.

Edward pulled into my driveway and turned off the jeep's engine. "Well, to be

honest, I never saw anyone shake like that before, and it kind of freaked me out a
bit."

I nodded. "Yeah that was pretty scary." I admitted. "If it is alcohol

poisoning…what will happen to him?"

"I have no idea….but your dad is going to kill him."

"That's if he even survives," I said absently.

"He's going to be fine," Edward said assuredly. "Hospitals know how to treat

alcohol poisoning. It's your dad that's the real threat."

"Please," I said sarcastically. "Emmett is my parent's pride and joy; he never gets

into real trouble for anything. My dad may yell at him, but I doubt you have to worry
about your drinking buddy being out of commission for very long. I don't think he's
ever been grounded a day in his life."

"Well I hope not, drinking is never as fun without him," he joked, though I was

fairly certain he was serious at the same time.

I just shook my head at him and then got out of the car. "You don't have to come in

for my benefit," I said irritated when Edward followed me up to the door.

"Nah, I'm just going to crash here tonight," he said casually.

"Don't your parents ever miss you?" I asked bitterly.

"I don't think anyone could miss me as much as you would if I wasn't here," he

teased.

When we got inside I decided it had been a long enough evening so I headed to

bed. Edward, assumedly, slept on the couch.

I was surprised when my parents weren't home when I woke up in the morning.

"Did my dad call?" I asked Edward. He was already raiding the refrigerator, which I

- 22 -

didn't even care about at the moment.

"No, haven't heard from them," he said casually.

"Gosh, that's weird."

I decided to call my mom, but when it went straight to voicemail I texted her.

Still, no response.

Two hours later, the door opened and my dad walked in looking absolutely

horrible.

"Hey, where are mom and Emmett?" I asked him, wondering why he was alone.

"They're still at the hospital. I'm going back soon, I just came home to check on

you," he said vacantly. Something was definitely wrong.

"Charlie, what's going on?" Edward asked.

Charlie turned his head towards me and shook his head slowly.

"Dad?" I asked concerned.

And then he lost it. I had never seen my father cry, but he broke down and sobbed

louder than I had ever heard anyone cry before. Edward and I glanced at each other
completely horrified, and then I rushed to my father's side and held him as he let it
all out.

I didn't understand exactly what was happening, but I had a sinking feeling that

our lives would never be the same again….

***A/N: Thanks so much for the interest, I'm very excited to begin another

story and I hope you enjoy it! This is definitely going to be a controversial
subject so please just remember it's not real, and allow me a little creative
freedom. Thanks again, I really appreciate it! :)

~KC

- 23 -

Ch2 Silences

Chapter 2 - Silences

I couldn't believe it.

It just couldn't be real.

Emmett was such a big strong guy, so full of life, how could he possibly have

leukemia?

And that was the moment when time stopped.

It was like we all stopped breathing and made a silent vow to not begin again until

Emmett was healthy.

After my dad forced himself to calm down, he seemed to have a new

determination to not show his emotions again, at least not around me. He was
always the rock of our family, and he had to keep it together for all of our sakes.

He gave me some money to order a pizza for dinner that night, and then he went

back to the hospital, leaving Edward and me home alone once again. But for the first
time, we didn't fight. We didn't bicker, he didn't make fun of me, and I didn't even
mind him being there. In fact, I was actually grateful that I wasn't alone in that
awful moment of confusion and helplessness.

But we didn't speak at all. We just sat in the living room for an indefinite amount

of time, frozen in place, just staring blankly at the flat screen before us. Was it even
on? I couldn't be sure.

I had no idea how long we sat there for, but when the phone rang I suddenly

jumped up without thinking or even telling my body to do so. I wasn't really awake
from the nightmare, but the ringing was definitely like an alarm clock, forcing me to
move after being nothing more than a living statue for so long.

"Hello?" I asked. I didn't even look at the caller ID, I just answered automatically,

hoping it was one of my parents with some better news. The diagnosis was just some
horrible mistake, or they got Emmett's test results mixed up with someone else's.
That was what I honestly expecting to hear.

- 24 -

"Bella…how are you doing?" My dad's voice came through the phone sounding

rough and strained. "It's dad," he said unexpectedly, as if I wouldn't already
recognize his voice….but maybe he was saying it more for himself, to force himself
back into some form of reality after such a horribly surreal day.

"I know dad, how's Em?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "He's ok," he said, and my heart sped. I knew it, I knew he

was ok.

"So when are you guys coming home?"

"In a little bit. We've been in testing, and meetings all day about moving forward."

"Moving forward? I don't understand."

"With treatment," he explained. "Our plan to fight this thing."

"But….But you just said he was ok?" I questioned.

"He's ok at the moment, but… it's not good Bella… It's definitely not good."

And just like that, I was back to feeling completely hopeless again.

"Look, I gotta get back, we'll be home a little later," he said, and then he hung up

without giving me a chance to ask anything else or even say goodbye. I had so many
questions, and with no answers I just felt so lost.

"What did he say?" Edward asked me anxiously. I didn't even know he was

standing there until he spoke.

"He didn't say much," I told him.

"Well, what did he say?" he asked again.

"Not much," I repeated. I couldn't even wrap my brain around anything to make

sense of it.

"You spoke with him for like two minutes, what did he say, Bella?" Edward asked,

getting irritated with my lack of information.

"He didn't say anything!" I shouted at him, and despite the numbing haze I was

- 25 -

lost in, I could feel myself begin to tremble.

He stared at me for a moment, and just when I was sure he was about to press the

subject some more, he surprised me by nodding slowly and then walking back to the
couch to return to his former frozen state…. And I followed his lead and did the
same.

The room somehow grew dark, as if the world was still spinning despite time

standing still, and then the front door handle started jiggling before it opened
slowly.

Edward and I both robotically turned our heads towards the sound.

"Hey," Charlie said quietly as he stepped inside.

"Dad, hey, how's…." But I didn't need to ask Charlie how Emmett was, because he

and our mother walked through the door right behind him.

"Go right on up to bed," Mom told Emmett quietly.

"I'm not a fucking child, mom," Emmett replied bitterly.

"It's been a very long day and you need your rest," Renee insisted.

"I have been resting!" he snapped at her. "Now I'm all rested and I need some

fucking fresh air." Emmett turned around without another word, and walked right
back out the door. Charlie glanced at Edward in an almost pleading way, and
Edward responded by jumping off the couch and following Emmett out.

"Charlie, stop him!" Renee said angrily.

He took a deep breath. "Let him go."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "He's sick."

"Yes, he's sick…. And he's just going to get sicker. Let him go out while he still

can. Edward is with him, he'll make sure he's ok."

"Oh, right, Edward is the epitome of responsibility," she spat.

"Renee, look, I know you're scared right now, God knows I am too, but we can't

keep him from living while he's…." Charlie glanced at me and let his sentence trail

- 26 -

off. He closed his eyes tightly, assumedly to try to control his emotions, and then he
looked right back at Renee. "As of right now, he's allowed to go out. Anything that
can get his mind off of this is more than fine by me." – And the discussion was over.
Charlie walked up the stairs and I heard the shower turn on.

Renee was still fuming next to me, and then turned her anger and frustrations to

the only one around…me.

"Why is this house such a mess? What have you been doing all day?"

"I…uh…"

"Don't give me attitude!" she yelled at me.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Get it cleaned up now! Then get ready for bed; you have school tomorrow."

School? It seemed almost like a foreign concept at that point.

"Ok," I said no louder than a whisper. The house wasn't really a mess, Renee was

just freaking out and I understood it, so I decided to let it go and agree to whatever
she wanted at that moment.

Emmett didn't come home that night, but he did show up at school the next

morning, and he and Edward acted like nothing was different. At break I found them
laughing and joking around with their other friends in their normal spot, but I
decided to follow my father's lead and leave him alone. I was worried about him, but
I wasn't about to start nagging him the way my mother did, and it was somewhat of
a relief to see him acting so normally.

The next few weeks were strange. Life went on normally – my parents worked a

lot, Emmett and Edward partied and messed around, and I spent my free time
reading. But I just didn't understand any of it. If Emmett was so sick, why wasn't he
in the hospital getting treatment, and why weren't we all by his bedside praying for
his safe recovery?

But then I began noticing subtle differences in Emmett's appearance. His skin was

blotchy and he began to look almost puffy.

"So…is anyone going to tell me what's going on?" I asked during a rare family

dinner. I couldn't remember that last time we all sat down together, and to be

- 27 -

honest, it was kind of freaking me out a bit.

"Nothing is going on, I just wanted to have a nice family dinner," Renee said with

faux casualness.

I turned to Emmett. "Where's Edward? He's always here around dinner time?"

"It's a family dinner, Bella," Renee jumped on me. "Why can't we have a dinner

with just the four of us?"

"We can, I was just wondering," I mumbled apologetically. My mother was

definitely on edge, and it was best not to piss her off even more.

We all sat with the sound of our forks scraping and clattering against our plates as

the only noise in the room. Every once in a while my father would huff, and my
mother would sigh, and even Emmett would moan out a quiet complaint, but no one
spoke until the meal was just about finished.

But I couldn't take it for a moment longer.

"Why won't anyone tell me what's happening with Emmett's leukemia?" I asked

frustrated. It wasn't a question directed towards anyone in particular, but they all
knew so much more than I did and I was left completely in the dark.

My parents turned and glared at me as if I just said a bad word, and I guess

'leukemia' had become a bad word in my family since Emmett's diagnosis.

"I have Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia," Emmett said unexpectedly. "I've been

taking medications that have this as a side effect," he said while gesturing to the
blotches and puffiness of his face. "But the good news is that if I'm lucky I'll live
another five years."

"Emmett!" mom, chided him emotionally.

"No mom, Bella is right. Why can't we talk about it? Why haven't we told her

anything? It's stupid. Saying it out loud isn't going to make it any more real. The
disease is there whether any of us want to admit it or not."

"Wait, what did you mean about the five years thing?" I asked confused.

"It doesn't mean anything," mom said quickly. "Those are just random numbers

that doctors throw out to scare people."

- 28 -

"Mom," Em said irritated.

"Renee, Bella is old enough to know the truth," Charlie told her.

She fought back tears as she shook her head. "Well, I'm not going to sit here and

listen to this right now. I can't. It's just…." She let her sentence trail off as she got
up from the table and went upstairs.

Emmett and Charlie both had a mix of annoyance and sympathy as they watched

Renee leave, and then my brother took a deep breath and continued to explain his
condition.

"Well, it's definitely not the most common type of leukemia, so that…sucks, and

without treatment I can only expect to live five years at the longest, but at least it's
more of a slow moving form of the disease so I have some time to take care of some
things before…"

"But you're getting treatment," I cut him off. "You just said you're taking

medication, right?"

"Yes, he's taking medication, and hopefully it'll work," Charlie said.

"But what if it doesn't?" I asked, suddenly concerned by the way Charlie said '

hopefully it'll work', as in, it wasn't certain.

"Then we try something else…and then something else until something does

work," Charlie said confidently.

"But we only have five years?" I questioned.

"It's just a general time frame," Charlie said quickly. "Emmett will be better by

then."

"Yeah, don't sweat it," Em said casually, and then he shoved me in the side. "Since

when do you care about me so much anyway?"

"You're my brother," I said simply.

He nodded in understanding. "No, I gotcha. Thanks sis, but you don't need to

worry. I'm going to be fine, wait and see."

I felt a little better about the situation, but strangely felt worse at the same time,

- 29 -

especially when Emmett took his barely touched plate of food and dumped it into a
tupperwear container.

"Not hungry?" I asked as Charlie shot him a disapproving glare.

"It's just hard to eat with this medicine sometimes," he explained dismissively. He

put the tupperwear into a plastic bag and then turned to leave.

"Where are you taking that, to a homeless shelter?" I joked.

"Nah, Edward is waiting outside."

"Well, give him some garlic bread too," Charlie told him.

"Ok, see ya," Emmett said after grabbing the bread and tossing it into the bag and

then leaving.

"Is he really going to be ok?" I asked my dad after a few moments of heavy silence.

"We have to believe he will be," Charlie replied.

I nodded. "What's up with Edward hanging out outside?"

Charlie shook his head. "Your mother wanted a 'family dinner'; a lot of good it was

with her running off upstairs like that," he grumbled.

"Why doesn't Edward just eat at his home?" I asked.

"Not everyone is as good of a cook as Renee is," Charlie joked, and then stood to

clean off the table.

"It's still weird," I mumbled, mostly to myself. Come to think of it, I didn't really

know anything about Edward's home or family. He was always just an obnoxious
presence at our house for as long as I could remember, and I never even thought
seriously about it. You would think his parents would want him home from time to
time, but then again, my family hadn't been big on family time lately either, so I
supposed I had no room to talk.

As much as I tried not to worry about Emmett, I couldn't help it. It didn't matter

that we weren't close as siblings, he was still my brother and I couldn't imagine my
life without him. Whether the medications worked or not, suddenly our lives seemed
to be moving at a rapid pace. We had five years. Five years to get Emmett better

- 30 -

before we lost him forever.

- 31 -

Ch3 Having Fun

Chapter 3 – Having Fun

"So, I was thinking about taking you to dinner tonight," Emmett said unexpectedly

before school one morning. "Just the two of us."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "Why? What about mom and dad?"

"Well, they're both working and I thought it would be kind of fun for us."

"Uh…ok," I said reluctantly. The truth was that I really didn't want to go, not

because I disliked him the way I used to, but simply because we still weren't close
and I had no idea what we'd talk about. Emmett and I never did anything with just
the two of us, and since he'd been sick I was trying extra hard to be nice, but
without bickering there just wasn't much to say at all, and I knew we were in for an
awkward time.

I spent most of the day hoping for a reason to back out of my unexpected dinner

date with my brother, but as the afternoon came to a close, I knew there was no
getting out of it.

"Where are we going?" I asked that evening as he drove us in the opposite

direction of the diner.

"Chuck E Cheese!" he said with an excited grin.

I scrunched my face. "You're kidding?"

"No, why would I kid about that?"

"Um, maybe because we're not kids anymore."

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun… For old time's sake?" he asked, hoping I wouldn't

refuse and ruin whatever plan he had for the evening.

I shrugged. "Ok, I guess it really doesn't matter to me."

I felt absolutely ridiculous as I stood there and waited for Emmett to order us a

pizza and buy some tokens for the games. We had to be the only people there

- 32 -

without kids with us, and I couldn't help but wonder what Emmett was possibly
thinking for bringing us there.

"What do you want to play first?" Emmett asked me as we searched for a table. "I

got twenty bucks worth of tokens." We put our coats down to save our table, and set
out amongst all the kids to the rows of arcade games. "I bet I'll win more tickets
than you."

"You always did," I said, slightly bitter. He was better than me at everything,

which definitely included video games of all kind.

"If you actually tried to have fun, maybe you'd win some," he encouraged.

"It's not about having fun, it's just that you're so competitive with everything, I

don't stand a chance."

"Nah, I'm going to go play that zombie game over there, which only gives out a

few tickets per win; why don't you go play Ski Ball that way you can have a head
start."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'll meet you back at the table after we're done."

As much as I loathed the place, at least we weren't sitting at a stuffy restaurant

trying to think of things to say to each other.

After three games of Ski Ball, I took my winning tickets back to our table and was

glad when the pizza arrived. I hadn't realized just how hungry I was until that
moment.

"How many did you win?" Emmett asked excitedly like a little kid.

"Uh…" I counted them quickly. "Fifteen."

"Wow, good job. I got thirty two."

"What? I thought you said that game didn't give many?"

"Yeah, well I'm just really good at it. Edward and I play like twice a week."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah, well, we don't come here, but he has the PlayStation version at his place."

- 33 -

"I thought you guys never hung out at his place?" I asked.

"We do to play PlayStation," he replied casually.

"So, what made you want to come here tonight?" I asked, trying to avoid that

awkward silence I had been fearing all day as we ate our pizza….well, I ate pizza, he
hardly ate much anymore so he kind of just picked at his slice.

"I thought it would be fun. We used to come here all the time when we were kids,"

he replied.

"That's what kids do…and then they grow up and stop coming."

"Yeah well, sometimes you need to remember that you are still a kid, and it's

important to have fun," he said, taking me aback.

And then I got a little angry. "Were you and dad gossiping about me not having a

life?" I asked, remembering the conversation I had with my father a few months
prior. "Because I don't need you or anyone else thinking they need to force me to
have your version of fun."

"No. I don't care what you do in your free time," he replied sincerely. "I just

realized that I really don't know you very well, and I wanted to spend some time
with you."

"Why?" I asked while swallowing roughly as my stomach tied into a giant knot. I

had always figured that my brother and I would have a better relationship when we
were older with families of our own, but perhaps we would never get that chance
and Emmett knew more than what he was saying. "The medication isn't working, is
it?"

He sighed. "I think we're going to have to move on to Plan B," he admitted.

"What's Plan B?"

"Chemotherapy," he said quietly.

"How effective is it?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't want you to worry, but…this is going to be rough

on me and I wanted to hang out with you before it makes me too sick to go
anywhere."

- 34 -

"What if it doesn't work?"

"It will," he said unconvincingly.

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we move on to Plan C."

"Which is?"

He took another deep breath. "One step at a time, little sis. We'll talk about what

comes next if it becomes necessary. Right now, all I want to think about is Air
Hockey. Will you play me?"

I huffed. "Sure."

I had actually forgotten how much fun Air Hockey was. Emmett was

unsurprisingly better than me, but out of the five games we played, I won two of
them…though he may have gone easy on me for those. We laughed and shouted at
each other when the other would score, and I found myself actually wishing we
could stay longer when we ran out of tokens.

"Thanks for taking me, that was fun," I said when we got in the car to drive home.

"Well, thanks for coming, we should do it again."

"Yeah," I said enthusiastically.

We headed home, but then Emmett turned towards the opposite side of town. "I'm

just going to drop off the rest of this pizza real quick," he explained when he saw my
confused expression.

"Drop it off where?" I asked clueless.

"Edward's."

"Why? Is he really incapable of getting his own dinner?"

Emmett sighed. "You should really be grateful for the things you have, Bella," he

replied solemnly. I was going to question him more, but then he pulled into what
had to be the worst trailer park in the area.

- 35 -

"Edward lives in here?" I asked horrified. The place was known for being the town

slums; drug labs and whore houses, drive-byes and gangbanger headquarters. The
low of the low lived in that trailer park, and I never imagined I'd know someone
there.

"Yeah, well his old man hasn't worked in decades and they live off of his

grandma's retirement. It's all they can afford."

I sunk lower in my seat as we drove through the streets. The people hanging

outside were terrifying and glared at us as we passed. It was definitely a terrible
place.

We pulled up in-front of a small yellow trailer with fake plants on the porch, and

several pink flamingo lawn statues sprawled around the tiny yard. I almost wanted
to laugh at the way it was exactly a stereotypical 'white trash' kind of place, but I
thought better of it.

"Wait here," Emmett instructed as he grabbed the pizza box and got out of the

car. I locked the door behind him.

I watched as he knocked and waited for Edward to come out…but it wasn't

Edward. The older man at the door was wearing a white wife beater tank and ripped
jeans, and had what looked like a joint in his fingers. I couldn't hear what Emmett
was saying to him, but neither of them looked too happy. The man refused to take
the pizza and began shouting at Emmett, so he turned around and came back to the
car.

"What's going on?" I asked baffled.

Emmett sighed angrily. "That bastard is such a jackass. I can't wait until Edward

is eighteen and never has to go back."

"Was that his dad?"

"Yeah, and the prick is wasted like usual. He wouldn't let Edward come out."

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because he's a prick. He doesn't want Edward to become anything better than

what he is, so he gets drunk and mean. I know they don't have any food in the
house, but he'd rather they all starve then accept our leftovers."

- 36 -

"Is that why Edward usually eats at our place?" I asked, suddenly feeling bad for

always telling him to go home.

"If your house was like that, wouldn't you want to spend as little time there as

possible?"

"I guess so," I admitted quietly.

Emmett put the car into reverse, but just as he began to back up a kid ran behind

us forcing him to slam on the breaks.

"You fucking idiot, watch where you're going before you get cut!" the kid shouted

at us. He looked no older than ten which caused my mouth to drop open in shock by
his vulgarity. Then the kid kicked the back of the car before continuing on his way.

Emmett shook his head. "See that, Bella? That kid is going to grow up to be just

like all the other people around here…Disrespectful and crude. The kids learn from
their parents, and then they grow up into horrible adults and have kids of their own.
It's a vicious cycle. Most of these people will never break free from it."

I didn't know how to respond to that, and I had no idea why he even said it to me.

Was he trying to teach me about empathy? I just didn't understand, and I didn't
want to either. I didn't need Emmett to teach me about anything; he was my brother
not my father. I just wanted to get away from that horrendous trailer park and never
have to go back.

Emmett didn't talk to me much much more about his illness or his treatment, and

when I'd asked him about it, he'd just shrug it off and say he was doing fine. But
then it was impossible not to notice how sick he looked. It seemed like his weight
just melted off him, and he spent a lot of time vomiting in the bathroom. But he still
didn't just stay home and dwell on it. He kept up with his social life as much as
possible, and a couple weeks later I came home from school to a curious scene.
Emmett and Edward were in the hall bathroom, giggling like a couple of school girls.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" I asked as I peeked in through the partially

opened door.

"Oh, Bella, you're just in time," Edward said with a chuckle. "Emmett is next."

"Next for what?" I asked confused, but then I saw it. Edward was holding an

- 37 -

electric razor in his hands and had just shaved half of his own head. "Oh my god,
what are you doing?" I asked shocked.

"We're getting rid of all our hair…cuz it's so hot out," Edward joked. It was

definitely not hot that time of year, in fact the snow on the ground outside made
their little haircuts that much more senseless.

"The chemo is starting to make my hair fall out, but I'm too much of a chicken to

cut it all off so Edward decided to cut his," Emmett explained.

"Why would you cut your hair, are you sick too?" I asked Edward jokingly. "Or just

tired of washing it."

"Neither," Edward replied casually while bringing the razor back up to his head to

finish the job. "I'm just proving to Emmett that it's not so bad."

When Edward was finished shaving his head, he got out a straight blade and

shaved the hair completely gone until there was nothing left…. Well almost nothing.

"How does it look?" Edward asked with a cheesy grin.

I giggled at him. "You look like Mr. Clean….but you missed a few spots."

"Really, where?" he asked as he looked back into the mirror.

"Here, here, and here," I said as I poked each of his spots of hair.

"Crap," he said while rubbing it with his hand.

"Why don't you help him," I said to Emmett with a laugh.

"I don't want any part of this," Emmett said teasingly.

"Don't think you're getting out of it now," Edward warned him.

Emmett whined. "I'm too pretty to be bald."

Edward struggled to get his spots he missed, so because Emmett refused to help

him, I decided to. "Here," I said while taking the razor from him. "Sit down so I can
reach."

Edward hesitantly sat on the toilet and froze while I brought the blade to his

- 38 -

scalp. "Emmett, there is something seriously wrong about this situation," he said
while moving nothing except his lips. "If she kills me, it'll be your fault." He honestly
looked and sounded scared shitless.

"Relax, I'm not going to cut you," I said annoyed.

"Just keep that thing away from my neck. You don't have the best coordination."

I rolled my eyes despite the fact that he was right.

I put my left hand on top of his head to steady myself, and the feeling of his skin

under my palm was so odd that it made me pause. It was obviously smooth from just
being shaved, but there was something else, some internal feeling that I couldn't
describe. I shrugged off the thought and brought the blade back to his skin to finish
the job.

After successfully removing the three patches of hair he had missed, I stepped

back to admire my work. "All done."

Edward looked in the mirror again. "Am I bleeding anywhere?" he asked as he

examined his head.

"Nope, she actually did a good job," Emmett said, impressed.

I smiled sadistically at my brother. "Your turn."

"No, I still haven't accepted the necessity of it yet."

"Are you seriously going to let your best friend shave his head for nothing?" I

asked incredulously.

"He already did it. And I have no control over what he does anyway."

"Stop being a pansy and shave your head," Edward goaded. "It's all going to fall

out anyway, might as well take control of the situation."

"Yeah, but I don't want to look like an idiot like you," Em joked.

"I have a nice oval shaped head; you, on the other hand, have a head that looks

like a bowling ball."

"Which is exactly why I don't want to shave it," Em said quickly.

- 39 -

"Oh, come on, I'm only kidding. Just do it and get it over with."

"Yeah Em, we'll only make fun of you a little," I said as seriously as possible.

"Besides, Edward might have a nicely shaped head, but you have better features to
pull off the look."

"Screw you," Edward replied, pretending to be offended.

"Hey, don't say the words 'screw you' when directed towards my little sister,"

Emmett warned him.

"Oh come on bro, I just ate," Edward whined.

I didn't really understand what they were talking about, but I didn't care either.

"Just get over here and let me cut your damn hair off," I said to my brother irritated.

When Emmett still didn't move, Edward grabbed him in a headlock and wrestled

him to the toilet so he could sit while I shaved him. Emmett was normally much
stronger than Edward, but with his illness Edward didn't seem to have a problem
overpowering him; of course, Em didn't put up much of a fight – he knew it needed
to be done.

Emmett whined a little more, but otherwise let me do it. As Edward predicted, his

head looked like a bowling ball, but I honestly thought the look was better on him
than Edward; his soft rounded features complimented the new hairless dome better
than Edward's angular ones. Edward without hair was sort of like seeing a stranger
without an ear; it just wasn't right, like he was missing an important part of his face.

My brother and his best friend laughed and made fun of each other, and I found

myself laughing with them. Regardless of how goofy they looked, it was fun to see
them do something so drastic together. Forks wasn't like the rest of the country,
people didn't shave their heads like that for fun, and I knew it was going to be a big
deal when people saw them at school the next day. But they weren't worried about it
at the moment. They were just joking around and enjoying their time together…
Time which may run out in the near future, and their bald heads was just one more
painful reminder of that fact.

- 40 -

Ch4 Alone

***A/N: Please remember that Bella is only fourteen/fifteen. She's young and

naive, give her some slack :) We're speeding through time a little here, just to keep
the momentum going. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 4 – Alone

My relationship with Emmett had definitely improved since our Chuck E Cheese

visit, and I was trying extra hard to tolerate Edward, but sometimes I just couldn't
control my irritation with him.

"What is going on?" I asked confused as I walked into the house one afternoon.

Emmett had been missing quite a lot of school since starting chemo; he was just so
sick all the time that it was hard for him to go. Edward acted like he was sick as well
and never showed unless Emmett was there, which was fairly ridiculous. Usually
when I got home Em would be sleeping and Edward was often sitting on the couch
lazily watching TV, but that day was a completely different story.

The entire house was full of foul smelling smoke, and the giggling in the kitchen

made it clear what was happening. I marched straight in there, and was absolutely
appalled.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked irately. Emmett and Edward were passing a

joint between them, and they weren't even trying to hide it.

"Welcome home Bella!" Emmett said theatrically while waving his arms in front of

himself like a moron.

"Why did you give him pot?" I shouted at Edward. "He's sick, you moron!"

"Pot?" Emmett said with a giggle before running over to the cabinet and pulling

out a cooking pot. "Pot. Get it, Bella? Pot."

"Yes, I get it," I said irritated, and then turned back to Edward. "What the hell is

wrong with you? Something like this has to be horrible for his disease. How could
you be so, so…stupid!"

"Whoa Bella, I have no idea what you're talking about," Edward replied slowly and

- 41 -

slightly slurred. "You're speaking way too fast for me to understand."

"My dad is seriously going to kill you, and he's going to be home anytime now," I

told Edward.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…Hey, your name has the word 'Bell' in it," Emmett said with a

laugh.

I rolled my eyes, and then went to open the windows wider. "Get rid of that crap

before dad gets here."

"Relax, little sis," Emmett said, finally seeming to have a somewhat coherent

thought. "Everything is fine."

"Everything is not fine! You have cancer; the last thing you need is your idiot best

friend getting you high." And then I heard my father's cruiser pull up out front.
"Great, now dad is going to see this," I said concerned.

I did my best to wave the smoke out of the window, but it was too late, my father

walked in and looked at us all sternly.

Crap!

"Damn it, Emmett! I told you to keep it away from Bella," Charlie said

unexpectedly. "And for crying out loud, do it outside!"

"Hold on, you knew he was smoking pot and you're actually ok with it?" I asked

confused.

Edward and Emmett both started cracking up, but Charlie and I ignored them.

"It's medical marijuana, he has a prescription from his doctor to help him with the

side effects of chemo," dad explained. "Of course, he was supposed to do it outside."

"It's raining out," Emmett said between his giggles.

Charlie shook his head. "I guess we'll have to get you an air filter for your

room…Not for the kitchen," he said suggestively. "And your prescription was not
meant to be shared," he added before taking the joint out of Edward's hand.

"Aw man, getting high alone isn't fun," Emmett complained.

- 42 -

"It's not supposed to be fun, son," he replied, and then turned back to Edward.

"No more. Especially not in my house."

"Better just arrest him now, dad," Emmett joked. "There's no way Edward can

quit."

Charlie just rolled his eyes, and then went to the fridge to look for a snack.

"That's it?" I asked incredulously. "You don't even care that they're doing drugs?"

"Bella, it's medical," he repeated.

"But not for Edward." I wasn't trying to pressure him into arresting Edward or

anything; I was just legitimately shocked by my father's lack of care on the subject.
He was the police chief, for gosh sakes!

"He's not going to do it again," Charlie assured me. "This is his first and only

warning."

"Scout's honor," Edward said with a cheesy grin. "Not in your house."

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, we'll just go outside next time…Oh, maybe in the car."

Charlie grumbled something unintelligibly, but otherwise let their comments go. I

just couldn't believe it.

"You're such a moron," I mouthed to Edward behind my father's back, but he just

responded by laughing even more.

….

Over the next few months, Emmett seemed to be doing better. He got his energy

back and even returned to school long enough to graduate. I had to admit, I was
definitely proud of my brother. It couldn't have been easy keeping up with his
grades while undergoing treatment, but somehow he managed. Edward even
graduated, which I couldn't help but wonder if Emmett had let him cheat somehow;
he never seemed to go to school enough to have the credits, and he didn't have the
excuse of being sick the way Emmett did.

But at the end of that summer, Emmett's disease took an aggressive turn. The

chemo wasn't working, and it seemed I'd get my old wish of him going away after
graduation. It was a wish that I wished I could take back. My parents decided it

- 43 -

would be a good idea to send Emmett to a cancer center in Phoenix.

"It's the best in the country," Charlie told Emmett.

"But dad, I don't want to be so far from home. Who knows how long I'll be there. I

read on the web site that one chick was there for six years."

"You're an adult now Emmett, so it's your decision, but this place has the best

percentage of patients going into remission. Just think about it. You were planning
to go away for college anyway, just pretend that's what this is."

"Pretend? Sure," Emmett said sarcastically. "I'm not mom; I can't close my eyes

and believe I'm invisible."

"I didn't mean it like that," Charlie said defensively. "But it's not like you were

planning to stay in Forks forever."

"No, Edward and I were planning to move to Vegas and gamble for a living," Em

joked.

"Just think about it for a while. You can do whatever you want after you go into

remission, but until then, you need to concentrate on getting better."

"I don't want to be…alone," Emmett finally admitted emotionally.

"Oh, son, you won't be," Charlie choked before wrapping his arms around him,

and holding him tightly.

Watching their exchange definitely got to me, and I found myself crying with

them. None of it was fair. Emmett should be packing for college, not packing for
some cancer treatment center. He should be working out and getting stronger, not
losing weight and getting so weak that it was hard for him to get out of bed in the
mornings. I never thought I'd see my brother so frail, and it scared me to death.

Emmett ended up agreeing to leave, but it was hard… for all of us.

"I hate that I'm not going to be here to scare off any boys that might look your

way," Emmett said to me as he was getting ready to go.

I smiled. "I have no interest in dating," I said honestly.

"Maybe not yet….but you're a sophomore now; you're growing up and once you

- 44 -

realize that you've past your duckling phase, you'll get a lot more confident in
yourself."

"Duckling phase?" I asked confused. "Oh…Swan, I get it," I said with a laugh.

"It's not a joke," Em joked. "All Swans are beautiful, Bella."

"Emmett, this is a really cheesy conversation."

He laughed. "I know. But I am serious about you growing up. It's only a matter of

time before boys line up at the door to date you…and none of them will ever be good
enough."

I smiled despite myself. "Thanks."

We hugged, and then I watched him get into my father's cruiser and disappear

down the street. I didn't expect to feel that way. I never thought having my brother
leave would be so heart-wrenching, but it definitely was. I couldn't even properly
describe the way in made me feel. Hollow, incomplete - words just didn't seem fit.
Nothing would seem right again until he was better and back home.

…..

I started school the following week, but it was strange. The school itself wasn't

different, but everything in my life had changed so drastically that I just couldn't
look at anything the same. But my home life was the biggest change. My parents
took turns staying with Emmett in Arizona, and they were gone for weeks at a time
which meant when they were home they spent even more hours working than
normal to make up for their absence.

With my parents working and staying in Arizona, I was virtually left alone; even

Edward stopped coming by, not that I expected him to without Emmett, but it was
still odd never seeing him anymore. I hardly saw anyone anymore.

But I didn't mind being alone. I had all the time I wanted to read and do my

homework in peace, and it was nice to never have to worry about the toilet seat
being left up or my favorite snacks being dumped into Emmett and Edward's
bottomless stomachs. I was happy in my solitude, so happy in fact that I stopped
hanging out with my friends in school as well. I liked spending my time by myself,
not having to worry about pretending to be normal. It was better that way….at least,
that's what I told myself.

- 45 -

On my fifteenth birthday, my parents surprised me by both being home at the

same time. I huffed and grumbled about the fuss they were making, but the truth
was that I was actually really happy to see them together; I only wished Em was able
to come home with them.

But my happiness was short lived, because that night, after they thought I went to

bed, I overheard them talking.

"What if they can't find a donor?" my mother asked.

"They will," Charlie replied.

"Stop that!" Renee yelled. "Stop being so optimistic, because everything you said

would happen hasn't. The medication didn't help, and now the chemo isn't working
anymore either. So don't tell me again how something is going to work, when it
probably won't."

"I have to stay positive, Renee. We have to stay positive. If only for Emmett's sake,

we have to believe that this next step will work. If we just give up, then what's the
point?"

"I never said I was giving up, I just don't want to hear your overconfidence when

there is nothing to back it up."

"I have faith," Charlie said quietly.

"Yeah, well I had faith before all of this, now I'm not so sure anymore," Renee

replied bitterly. "You heard what they said about an unrelated donor. Ethnicity plays
a part, and with you being Italian-German, and me being Spanish and French,
Emmett doesn't have a chance finding a donor with all of those backgrounds."

"Bella…Bella will be a match."

"What if she's not?"

"She has to be."

The next morning my parents took me to the hospital. They said I needed to be

tested to see if I was a possible tissue match for my brother, and in the back of my
mind I wondered if that was the real reason why they were both there and it had
nothing to do with my birthday after all. It was fine by me either way, I was just
grateful to see them regardless.

- 46 -

After being tested, I was surprised that both my parents stayed home for the next

week while awaiting the results. I guess they were just too anxious to travel or work,
and as a result, the tension in the house was definitely thick. They were both on
edge, and every night when I went to bed, I laid awake listening to them fight about
anything and everything. One night they even argued about which way was best to
wash a dish.

I could feel it building, and I prayed our family wouldn't implode.

….

And then the worst thing imaginable happened…

"I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Swan, but your daughter isn't a match."

I had a one in four chance, and I failed. And I felt like a failure too. It was nothing

I could control, and yet I just felt so guilty for not being able to save my brother that
it was almost too much to bare.

What were we supposed to do now? We burned through Plans A, B, and C…what

was Plan D?

"We're going to have another baby," my mom said unexpectedly.

"You're pregnant?" I asked shocked.

"No… not yet, but I will be," she replied with determination.

"Renee, I got a vasectomy," my dad told her.

"So, you'll get it reversed."

"If we had another child, it would still only be a one in four chance of matching

Emmett."

"That's more of a chance than he has now," Renee argued. "Besides, we can do

genetic counseling that can pick the embryo with the best chance."

"Whoa, hold on, do you realize how expensive that sort of thing is?" Charlie asked.

"I don't care about the price."

- 47 -

"I don't either, but if we don't have the money then what can we do? We've

already maxed out our credit cards and taken second and third mortgages out of our
house to pay for the center and our trips to Arizona. We just don't have the money."

"We can try to raise the money," I told them. "I don't know, fund raisers and such.

I can wash cars and have bake sales."

My dad looked at me, and then smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "That's sweet

honey, but it's just not going to be enough."

"Fine, you'll get the reversal and we'll just have a baby the old fashion way,"

Renee said slowly. "It's still a twenty five percent chance it'll be a match."

Charlie took a deep breath. "Ok, I'll call my doctor and set up the surgery."

Whether the baby turned out to be a match for Emmett or not, I was going to have

a new sibling. It was surreal, to say the least.

But even after my father's surgery, and my parents began doing….it, the tension

between them only increased. The more they were forcing themselves to be
together, the more they seemed to truly hate one another. I actually missed when
they took turns being home, at least I didn't have to hear them fight all the time.

"Dad, when can I visit Emmett?" I asked one afternoon.

"Well, I was thinking we could all have Christmas with him in Arizona."

"Really?" I asked enthusiastically. It had quickly become November, so the idea of

seeing my brother in a month was very exciting.

When Christmas vacation arrived, I eagerly packed for our trip but was stunned

when a familiar face showed up at the door with a duffle bag of his own.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Edward curiously. Even though I'd never

admit it out loud, I was actually glad to see him… I may have even missed him a
little…a very little.

As if he could read my mind, he said, "You missed me, didn't you?"

I laughed. "Oh yeah, totally," I said in a joking way, even though I wasn't actually

joking at all.

- 48 -

Edward reached over to me and ruffled my hair as if I was a little kid, and then he

walked past me and straight into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge.

I followed him; I couldn't help it. I even enjoyed watching him stuff his face with

salami, just like old times. "So, are you crashing our trip?" I asked him, a little more
hopeful than I intended.

"Your dad figured there couldn't be a better Christmas gift for Emmett then me,"

he replied smugly.

"Well, I bet Emmett will be glad to see you," I said sincerely.

Edward and I were forced to sit next to each other on the plane, and despite

wondering what he had been doing for the past several months since Em had been
away, I never asked him and I wasn't really sure why. Instead, that time was spent
by him teasing me about boys and the fact that I filled out my clothes more than
before. It was strange, but it almost felt like he was trying to play the protective
older brother card like Emmett had done before leaving, except because he wasn't
my brother, he did it in a joking and condescending way. It was rather annoying.

Edward and I argued playfully for the entire two hour car ride to the center as

well, and in a way, I think I missed that kind of banter, but when we finally got
there, nothing prepared us for the state Emmett was in. If I thought he was thin and
frail before, I was wrong. He looked horrible, almost ghostly. Edward looked just as
shocked as I was by my brother's appearance; in fact, he almost looked devastated,
but he sucked it up and put on a happy face for his best friend.

"Hey man, you look like shit," Edward said to Emmett with a hug and a hand

shake.

"Thanks, bro. It's good to see you too," Emmett croaked back. Then he looked

back at me. "Hey there, little sis."

"Hi," I replied with a forced smile. "How are you?" I asked stupidly. What did I

expect him to say? Obviously he wasn't doing well at all, and I shouldn't have even
asked.

"I'm cool," he lied. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I told him.

We were given a private room where we were able to have some family time and

- 49 -

open Christmas gifts. It was great being all together again, but the fact that Em was
still so sick without a cure in sight, weighed heavily on our spirits. Would this be our
last Christmas as a family? I couldn't believe that, and I wouldn't. Emmett had said
he had five years without a cure, so we had that at least, didn't we? From the looks
of him now, I wasn't so sure.

We spent every day together for a week and a half, and then my father escorted

Edward and I back to Forks, leaving my mother to stay with Em a little longer.

…..

Spring was supposed to be a time of hope and renewal, but the week before

Easter we had another horrible set back.

I walked into the living room to see my mother crying hysterically on the couch,

and my heart sank.

"What's wrong?" I asked, knowing something awful had happened.

My mother didn't answer me; she just got up and ran up the stairs. I looked to my

dad questionably.

"Your mother had a miscarriage," he said solemnly.

"She was pregnant? Why didn't you tell me?"

"She has some medical problems…nothing life threatening or anything, but the

doctor said it would be difficult to carry the baby to term. But she wanted to try
anyway, and now…." He took a deep breath. "The doctor said she won't be able to
get pregnant again."

And just like that, Plan D disappeared like a rain drop in the ocean, and once

again we were left dangling in limbo.

"So, what does that mean, what's Plan E?" I asked terrified.

Charlie shook his head slowly. "I don't know," he said, sounding defeated. "I just

don't know."

"They could still find a donor, right? Some stranger could be a match?"

Dad nodded. "Definitely. We just have to keep him going long enough to find

- 50 -

someone, anyone. In the meantime, he's going to go on radiation and just try to keep
the leukemia from spreading. He's strong Bella, if not physically anymore, he still
has such a strong will to live. He's going to make it."

I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, and rested my head against

his temple. "He has to make it," I whispered. "We need him too much not to."

- 51 -

Ch5 One Step Closer

***A/N: I have no idea why I'm posting this so early, but it was just sitting on my

computer so I thought, what the hell. LOL

**Just a little clarification. In the Twilight series, Bella is seventeen for her junior

year of high school and turns eighteen during her senior year. I have a problem with
that since my birthday is also in September and I didn't turn eighteen until after I
graduated. So either Bella in Twilight flunked, or different states have different
rules about the birthdate cut off in starting school. Either way, it's hard for me to
write Bella as an eighteen year old senior if she was born in September. So for this
story, she is sixteen as a junior, and will be seventeen as a senior. That's just my
choice, hope you can accept it :)

Chapter 5 – One Step Closer

Since losing hope of conceiving a tissue match for Emmett, my parents began

spending even longer spans of time in Arizona. It was as if they had accepted the
fact that he may not make it, and they wanted to spend as much time with him as
possible while they still could. But since I was only fifteen, someone had to always
be home with me, which only created that much more strain between them. They
hated being so far from him, and I understood that.

Summer came back around, and since I didn't have school, we spent most of our

time in Arizona. Em was only allowed two visitors at a time because of his current
state of health, so basically I spent most of that summer alone in the hotel room. My
parents discussed selling the house in Forks and enrolling me in school there, but
they were so upside down in the loan that it was next to impossible to get out of,
especially if they wanted any extra money to buy something new.

"Forks is our home, and it will still be our home when Emmett finally gets better,"

Charlie said after going over all their options.

My mother wasn't happy about the decision.

The three of us went home the week before I was to start my junior year of high

school, but the fighting between my parents finally became too much.

"Bella, we need to talk to you about something," Charlie said carefully, a few

- 52 -

weeks after I started school.

"What?" I asked clueless.

My parents looked at each other, unsure what to say or how to start.

"Just spit it out," I told them impatiently. Every time they had something important

to tell me, they would act like this. Usually it was about Emmett's health in some
way, but since neither of them seemed too upset, I wasn't too worried about it.

"We're…taking some time apart," Charlie said carefully.

"What do you mean?" I asked, legitimately confused. They took a lot of time apart;

it wasn't anything new."

"We're divorcing," mom said suddenly, taking me aback.

"Wha…I don't understand?"

"We haven't been happy for a long time, and we've just…had enough," Renee

explained.

"But…it's just because we've all been stressed out. I mean, this has been hard on

everyone," I tried reasoning with them. "Just give it some more time. When Emmett
gets better, everything will go back to normal."

"This isn't because of Emmett," my father told me softly. "We were planning to

separate before he even got sick."

I bit my bottom lip and tried to suppress my tears. I wasn't a little girl; I refused to

cry over something like my parents breaking up. It was nothing compared to my
brother's fight for his life, so I chose to look on the bright side and just be grateful
he was still alive.

But then they dropped another bomb.

"I've decided to move to Phoenix permanently," Renee said. "I've made some

friends there, and I've always wanted to live somewhere warm. It's just what's best."

"What's best for whom?" I rebutted. "Emmett's going to get better, and then what?

Are you going to come home when he does?"

- 53 -

She shook her head slowly. "Emmett's made some friends there too, he may

decide to stay. He's an adult now anyway, so there's no telling where he'll end up."

"What about me? I'm not an adult yet," I asked, and then immediately felt guilty

about my selfish question.

"Many parents are divorced and live far apart," she said to me. "You'll be fine. You

can stay with dad and finish school, or you can go back with me to Arizona. I'm
going to be staying with one of my friends until I can get a place of my own, but if
you want to come we'll make do."

That didn't sound inviting whatsoever. Not that I'd want to go start over in school

and live on some stranger's couch or anything, but it was obvious she didn't want
me going either way.

"I'll stay here with dad," I mumbled.

My mother packed her bags, and left two days later without the intention of ever

coming back. But having my mother gone wasn't really anything new. She was
always busy, and had spent many nights away from the family over the years with
her various hobbies and clubs she was a part of. Having a part time mom was a
norm for me, it was all I knew.

But the problem was, with my mom refusing to come back, my dad couldn't leave

me alone to go visit Emmett.

"Dad, I'll be fine alone," I insisted. "I'm alone all day anyway."

"But alone at night for days at a time? Sorry, there's no way I'm going to let you

do that. Besides, you're fifteen, Bella. It's illegal to leave you alone for an extended
amount of time."

"I'm almost sixteen, and a week isn't an extended amount of time. I'll be fine."

"Not going to happen."

"You can't just not go see Em."

"No, I'll just have to wait until you can come with me…or we can find someone

who will stay with you."

"I can ask Rose."

- 54 -

"I thought you said she had a cat?" Charlie reminded me.

"Oh, right." I was allergic to cats, which was just one more reason why I never

went to her house anymore.

"I'll call Aunt Maggie to see if she can come stay with you," he said before running

to the phone. He returned five minutes later. "She can't come."

"Maybe I can just sleep over at Mrs. Carmen's house at night?" - Mrs. Carmen was

our next door neighbor. She was eighty three and my dad was always fixing
anything that went wrong at her house, plus she had a little pet terrier that pooped
on our front porch every morning. Surely, she owed us.

"I'll ask her," he said. He grabbed his coat and headed out the door. He came back

a little later looking hopeless. "She moved into a senior home last month. Her fifty
year old son is living there now…he's a registered sex offender."

Um…Ew.

"Well, maybe…"

"No, Bella, we're just going to have to wait until you have some time off. Maybe

take a long weekend or something."

"But Emmett…"

"Your mom is with him. Until your brother gets better, it's just me and you. We

need to stick together and ride this out."

I nodded, but I knew how hard it was for him to stay away from Em, especially

since the search for a donor was still coming up empty. Em's time was running out,
and my dad should be with him as much as possible, not forced to stay home to
babysit me.

A couple of weeks later, my father's need to see my brother had finally made him

crazy.

"Now, I know you're not going to be too happy about this, but I ran into someone

the other day, and he agreed to stay with you for the week."

"Who?"

- 55 -

"Honey, I'm home!" Edward shouted as he came through the door.

"Oh god, you can't be serious," I whined.

Charlie pulled me to the side. "Look, his dad kicked him out and he's been living in

his truck. Regardless of whether or not he stays with you, he's staying here. I invited
him to move into Emmett's room until he can save up some money and get an
apartment on his own. He'd be staying here if Emmett was home anyway."

I nodded, and then sighed. "You're right. Em would want him to be here; he

always did take care of him."

"But if you're uncomfortable staying alone with him…"

"No, its fine…It's a good idea actually. He'll have a place to stay, and you'll have

peace of mind that our new sex offender-neighbor isn't creeping around."

"Thanks honey," he said with a halfhearted smile, before leaning in to kiss my

temple. "I'll only be gone a week…and I'll make sure to give you guys extra money
for groceries. God knows that kid eats a lot."

The moment my dad left, Edward was already making himself right at home by

hogging the TV remote and leaving a mess in the kitchen. I could tell this was going
to be a long week.

"You know, you could at least attempt to clean up after yourself," I told him

annoyed.

"Nah, you're better at cleaning then I am. Besides, it'll give you a break from

doing homework and reading nonsense romance novels."

"UGH!" I shouted in frustration. He was just so irritating.

But my outburst caused a reaction out of him that I was never expecting.

"Whoa Bella, I was just kidding," he said quickly before jumping off the couch and

cleaning his mess. "I was planning to clean it the whole time," he added.

"Oh…well, I was just kidding too," I said, like a moron.

After putting his garbage away and bringing his dishes to the sink, he walked back

over to me. "Look, I know things haven't been easy on you, so the last thing I want

- 56 -

to do is make things even worse. I don't want to disrupt anything around here, so if
I'm bothering you in any way, just let me know."

Uh…. Who the hell was that, and where did the real Edward go? His comment was

one of the most shocking things I had ever heard in my life.

"You're not bothering me," I assured him. "It's just…. I'm kind of used to being

alone, so it's just… different having someone here all the time."

He nodded. "Well, I understand you wanting your alone time, I think everyone

needs that once in a while, but you really shouldn't be alone all the time."

I shrugged. "I haven't exactly had much of a choice," I said, regretting it

immediately. I didn't want him thinking I was upset about being left by myself,
because I wasn't. I understood completely why my parents were always gone, and I
shouldn't have said anything to make anyone think that I felt otherwise.

"Yeah, well, I know I'm not your first choice for company; hell, I'm sure I'm the

last person you want hanging around all the time…but… you're not alone anymore.
Your dad is helping me out a lot by letting me stay here, but I'm glad to hang with
you a bit too. Emmett's been worried about you, and…"

"You've been talking to Emmett?" I interrupted him.

"Well, yeah. I usually call him like twice a week. It's hard, 'cuz he blames himself

for the family kind of breaking up, and he thinks he's let you down."

"He said that?" I asked feeling horrible.

"You're his little sister; he feels like he needs to protect you…Which is another

reason why I'm glad to be here; he's more comfortable knowing I'm watching out for
you. Anything to get him to stress a little less is good in my book."

"Definitely," I agreed wholeheartedly.

I knew that conversation wasn't going to be the absolute end of our bickering, but

it was a start and I actually felt really good having him there.

"So…what do you want for dinner tonight?" he asked as he went back into the

kitchen.

I followed him in. "Didn't you just get finished eating?" I asked amused. "How

- 57 -

could you be thinking about food already?"

"I'm a growing child, Bella," he joked.

"Sure, aren't you eighteen?"

"Just turned nineteen in June," he corrected me.

"Well, then you're not a child."

"I'll have you know that men grow until they're twenty five. Women, on the other

hand, stop growing at fifteen, so, in a way, that makes you older than me."

I smiled and shook my head. "Whatever."

He opened the fridge. "So it looks like we got stuff for spaghetti, or tacos…or we

could always order a pizza."

"We have to make that money last for the entire week; we can't just spend it all in

one night."

"I wasn't planning to spend your dad's money," he told me.

"Ok, what money were you going to spend then?"

He shot me a crooked grin. "I do have some money of my own."

"Really?" I asked surprised. "How'd you get it?"

He laughed. "I robbed a bank."

"Sure you did."

"No, but is it so hard to believe that I have a job?"

"If you have a job, then why were you sleeping in your truck?" I asked confused.

He shrugged. "Why waste money on an apartment? I'm not sure where I'm going

to end up settling. Who knows, I may just be a drifter forever; working my way
around the country with various jobs."

"Why would you want to do something like that?"

- 58 -

"What else am I supposed to do, go to college?" he shook his head. "Nah, the last

thing I want is to get stuck somewhere."

"What's wrong with having a home and even a family someday?" I asked, trying

not to sound upset. It seemed like everyone wanted to move away, and I just didn't
understand it.

"You've obviously never met my family," he said with a laugh. "Families suck. I

mean, if a family as good as yours can fall apart, what hope does anyone have of
creating a lasting one. Besides, this world is too horrible to bring kids into it
voluntarily."

"So let me get this straight…You think it's bad to be alone all the time, and yet,

you hate families and want to be a permanent drifter?" I asked incredulously.

He thought about it for a moment. "Drifters aren't alone all the time. They need to

work, and working usually requires being around people." I just stared at him. "Ok,
so I haven't got it all figured out yet, but who cares," he said defensively. "If
Emmett's illness has taught me anything, it's that there's no point in making plans
for the future. Live life as it comes, cuz you never know just how long your life will
be."

I couldn't argue with that. "Ok, so we won't plan on dinner tomorrow. Let's just

have pizza tonight and not worry about it."

He grinned widely. "Ok."

When the pizza was delivered, we sat in the living room and watched TV while we

ate, and that's when I finally noticed – "Hey, your hair is growing back in."

When we went to Arizona for Christmas, he was still bald, so it was funny to see

him with hair again after so long.

"Yeah, well it's hard to keep it shaved when I'm living in my truck. I'll probably

shave it again before I go visit Emmett. I don't want him to think I abandoned him or
anything."

"He wouldn't think that just because you grew out your hair…You shouldn't shave

it. It looks better longer." I had no idea why, but my comment actually made me
blush.

He shrugged. "Maybe I'll keep it longer. We'll see."

- 59 -

"Live one day at a time," I reiterated with a grin.

"Exactly."

My family falling apart was devastating, but in a way, having Edward around the

house again after so long felt like we were just one step closer to being fixed. I felt
renewed hope that someday, somehow, everything was going to be ok.

- 60 -

Ch6 Normal

Chapter 6 – Normal

"Ready for school?" Edward asked me that Monday.

"Yeah, are you headed to work?" I asked him.

"Yep." He opened the front door for me, then followed me out and locked it behind

us. "After I drop you off at school," he added.

"Uh… I usually take the bus," I told him.

"The bus?" he asked amused. "Like the kind of bus that kids take to elementary

schools?"

"Um, it only goes to the high school, but yeah, the busses are similar."

He laughed. "I thought only special needs kids took the bus to high school."

"Well, my dad works a lot so he isn't always available to take me and pick me up,"

I said defensively.

"Ok, but now I'm here. So get in," he said while gesturing to his beat up old truck.

I sighed and reluctantly climbed in. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, but I'd be

lying if I said that I wasn't worried about that truck making it across town. It was
loud, and shook so bad that I wondered how it even ran at all.

"So…where did you get this thing, anyway?" I asked him as he began driving.

Emmett used to drive him everywhere, so it was really the first time I had ever seen
it.

"I got it from a junkyard; rebuilt the entire thing from the ground up."

"Really?

"Yeah, I've been working as a mechanic, so I would just tinker on this when there

weren't any customers. I can't wait to show Em, we always talked about wanting to
build our own trucks."

- 61 -

"What if Emmett doesn't come back?" I asked.

He looked at me sternly. "Emmett is going to be fine."

"No…yes…no, that's not what I meant," I said quickly. "It's just…my mom

mentioned something about how he might choose to stay in Phoenix permanently
like her. She said he's made some friends there."

"Oh," he took a deep breath. "Well, I told you I was going to be a drifter; I'll just

drift to Arizona some time and show him."

"Would you stay there with him?"

He laughed once. "Drifters don't stay anywhere."

"Would you ever come back here?"

"Who knows….probably not, though. I mean, there's really nothing left for me

here. I would have been gone already if I wasn't working on my truck."

His words made my stomach twist in knots.

"But you'll stay for a while now though, right? I mean, I need you to stay with me

so my dad can go to Phoenix."

He stared at me for a moment. "I'll be here as long as you need me," he said

quietly.

I nodded gratefully. I wasn't sure if I could take anyone else leaving right then, not

even Edward.

Edward dropped me off, and after suffering through another miserable day at

school, he was in the parking lot waiting to take me home. I hated that he was going
out of his way for me, but that day, the thought of taking the dreadfully long bus
ride home was excruciating, so I was appreciative he was there.

"Are you already done working for the day?" I asked him curiously.

"Nah, I have to go back."

"Your boss just lets you leave whenever you want?"

- 62 -

He shook his head. "Not exactly. I'm using my lunch break."

"It's three o'clock."

"It doesn't matter. I worked through lunch so I can take my break whenever I

want."

"You didn't have to do that, I really don't mind taking the bus," I told him, feeling

horribly guilty.

"And I don't mind picking you up," he assured me. "Bella, it's ok to let people do

things for you sometimes."

"I'm used to being alone."

"I know, you keep saying that. But you're just going to have to get used to having

me around now."

"For how long?"

"As long as you need," he told me, just as he had said that morning. "I'll stay until

you order me away," he added.

I laughed. "Right."

When we got home, Edward surprised me again by getting out of the car to walk

me to the door.

"Um… I think I can handle it from here. You should get back to work."

"Your dad said a creeper lives next door. He's going to work on getting him forced

out, but until then just call me Security Guard Ed, and part of my job description is
door to door escorts."

"Wow…um…ok."

"Lock the door. I've left my cell number and the number of the mechanic shop I

work at, by the kitchen phone. Call me if you need anything, I'll be back in a few
hours."

"Ok, thanks," I said, not knowing what else to say.

- 63 -

I did as he told me and locked the door, then had a snack while I did my

homework. Edward kept texting me to make sure I was ok, and of course he wanted
to know about dinner. Usually when I was alone I'd just open a can of Chef Boyardee
or heat up a frozen meal, but since there were two of us I figured I'd actually cook
something.

I had spaghetti and garlic bread ready and waiting on the table by the time

Edward came home, and he was pleasantly surprised. "Wow, this looks awesome,"
he said sincerely.

The two of us sat at the table and ate together, and we even exchanged stories

about our day. Well, he told me about his day, I didn't have much to say about mine.

"So, nothing interesting happened to you today at all?" he asked incredulously.

"Nope," I said, popping the P.

"What about your friends?" he pressed. "Did you guys make any plans to hang out,

or anything?"

"Eh," I shrugged. "Not really."

"Bella, what's going on at school?"

"Nothing, geeze!" I shrieked at him. He didn't need to know that I had purposely

stopped hanging out with people - that I preferred to be alone so I didn't have to put
on a brave face and pretend everything was normal. I didn't have many friends as it
was before my world came crashing down, but I had shunned even Rose because it
was just better that way. My reasons, and what I did at school, were none of his
business.

"Ok, sorry," he said quietly, and let the topic go.

When we were done eating, I started on the dishes but he stopped me. "You

cooked, so I'll clean," he insisted while taking the sponge out of my hands.

Even if I was in a bad mood before, it couldn't last long. I was sure I'd never forget

the sight of Edward in an apron, elbow deep in the sink full of soap suds, with
bubble flurries flying all around him. It was hilarious.

"Have you ever done dishes before?" I asked with a giggle as he attempted to

rinse the pans. The entire counter was drenched with overspray, and I was

- 64 -

beginning to worry he'd flood the entire kitchen.

"My grandma always did the dishes at home," he admitted sheepishly.

So I gave him a few pointers, but he otherwise refused to let me take over, which

was more than fine by me. By his fourth dish he got the hang of it and even seemed
to become meticulous with his cleaning technique. After he was done, the two of us
relaxed and watched TV together without any arguing, and he even surrendered the
remote.

And that was basically how it went the next day as well. He dropped me off in the

morning, took a break to pick me up after school, and then he returned to work until
around dinner time. I cooked and he washed the dishes after we ate, and then we
watched TV together until bedtime.

On Wednesday however, Edward had the day off work so I assumed he'd hang out

in Emmett's room all day playing video games, but instead I was absolutely
flabbergasted to come home to a spotless house. He had been picking up after
himself since my little outburst, but that day he cleaned everything. He vacuumed,
mopped, even dusted and organized the bookshelf. On top of everything else, he
cooked dinner that night while I did my homework, but after tasting his extremely
salty and slightly undercooked chicken, I decided cooking was going to remain my
sole responsibility for the rest of the week; he agreed wholeheartedly. I cooked, he
cleaned – it was actually a very balanced coexistence.

When my dad came home that Sunday, he looked legitimately pleased that we

didn't start a fire and no one ended up in the emergency room, and of course, he
couldn't have been happier about the house being so clean. My mom was always the
one who did most of the cleaning before; Charlie and I both weren't the most
organized people, so Edward's willingness to help in that way was a highly
welcomed relief.

Things actually didn't change much with my father home. He worked long hours

and often didn't get home until late at night, so Edward and I continued with our
same routine. And as much as Charlie tried to be present in my life, he ached to be
with Emmett again so it wasn't long before he was planning another trip to Arizona.

"You sure you don't mind me going again so soon? I've only been home a few

weeks," he asked me, feeling guilty.

"Dad, I swear, its fine. Edward and I have actually done really well together," I

admitted. "I think he and Emmett used to feed on each other's crudities, so alone

- 65 -

he's not so bad," I told him with a laugh.

"You would tell me if you wanted me to stay home, right?" Charlie asked unsure.

"Yes, of course," I lied. "Now go get back to Em."

Edward and I really were doing well together, but every once in a while I did

secretly wish my father was home more, and it went beyond just missing him.

"Damn it," I said to myself as I searched the internet for some help on my

homework. I was never great at school, I had to struggle to keep my B average, and
it was my dad who had always helped me when I was stuck; without him, I felt a
little lost and a lot frustrated.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward asked as he walked into the kitchen. Usually I had

my homework done before he got off work, but because I was having such a hard
time, I had to put some off until after dinner and I was still working on it during our
normal evening TV relax time.

"Nothing," I hissed. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I was so stressed over the

assignment that I couldn't even think straight.

Edward came and sat next to me at the table where I was working on the laptop,

but I really wished he would leave me alone for a bit. I was on edge and I didn't
want to take it out on him any worse than I already had.

"I can help you?" he said unexpectedly.

"How?" I asked, honestly confused. Edward barely graduated, what made him

think he could help with my Advanced Bio assignment?

"I'm not as stupid as I look," he replied with a grin.

He read my assignment and then went on to explain everything I needed to know,

and even turned it around in a way I could understand better. He walked me
through the entire thing, and never once talked down to me or joked about how
stupid I was for not getting it. It was utterly shocking; then again, Edward seemed
to be shocking me quite a bit lately.

"I don't get it, why'd you do so poorly in school? Didn't Emmett have to tutor you

all the time?" I asked him when we were finally done with the assignment.

- 66 -

Edward shrugged and tried to change the subject.

"No, seriously, how do you know all this?" I pressed.

"This stuff has always been easy for me," he finally admitted.

"Then why'd you need tutoring?"

"What makes you think that I did?"

"Well, Emmett always used to say he was tutoring you."

"No, I think he said he was doing tutoring with me," he clarified.

"So…he was in tutoring, and you just went with him for the hell of it?" I asked

confused.

"No, not exactly."

"Wait, you tutored him?" I asked shocked.

He nodded. "He had a hard time in math, so…"

"But, why…why did you almost not graduate?"

He shrugged again. "Just because I knew how to do everything, doesn't mean I'd

actually do it."

"So you just never applied yourself."

"I usually only did enough to pass…. Well, unless Emmett needed extra help."

"Why? If you had gotten better grades you could have made it into a really great

college. Plus you're a football player, so you could have gone anywhere."

"Oh, come on, school isn't for people like me. Nobodies from nowhere who will

amount to nothing."

"Who told you that?" I asked, disturbed by his view on himself. Someone as smart

as him should never feel like they didn't have options in life.

"I don't know, my dad, everyone."

- 67 -

"Your dad? That's awful."

"Why is it awful? It's just…true.

"No it's not," I said assuredly. "Edward, you really are smart. You could be

anything you want."

"And what about you?" he asked, turning the conversation towards me. "What do

you want to do after graduation?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"If you could be anything?" he questioned.

"I guess I haven't put much thought into it," I said dismissively, seriously hoping

he'd drop it. I wanted to know about him, not tell him how pathetic I was.

"What about when you were a kid, what did you dream about becoming?"

"I never really dreamed about anything," I said through gritted teeth, having a

hard time controlling my irritation. Why the hell couldn't he just let it go? "I thought
we agreed not to think about the future anyway?"

"I just think it may be a good idea for you to think about it, that way…"

"If there's nothing you want to do," I interrupted him, heatedly, "then why the hell

can't you accept that I don't have anything either?"

"Well I like working on cars so being a mechanic makes sense. That's what I mean

though, even if you think it's not really cool, what do you think you're going to do
after graduation?"

And then I snapped. "I have no plans for the future! I'm not smart, I have no

interests, I'm not even athletic. I should have been the one to get sick, not Emmett!"
I shouted.

He stared at me absolutely stunned by my outburst, and quite frankly, so was I.

But I couldn't stop myself from unloading even more.

I pushed away from the table and began pacing around the kitchen. "This just isn't

fair!" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I was completely out of control
and couldn't force myself to care. "He had so many options. He could have gone

- 68 -

anywhere. He had scholarships and wanted to be a detective. Why did he have to get
sick?"

"Bella," Edward said softly, and then he reached out to me, but I yanked my arm

out of his grasp.

"No! I should have been the one to get sick, not him. He would have known what

to do with his life. Everyone would have been better off with him here instead of me.
He would have kept our family together, he would have made sure everyone was
taken care of; he sure as hell would never let you live in your truck for so long."

"Bella," he said again, but I wasn't finished yet.

"I don't even have any friends," I cried. "No one gets me because I don't get

people. I just don't understand how to act and what to say. I don't know how to
be…to be normal. I should have been the one dying, it would have been better for
everyone."

"Shh, it's ok," Edward cooed before unexpectedly wrapping his arms around me. I

froze from the surrealistic feeling of being in his embrace, but it only lasted a
moment because being held in that way just unleashed a floodgate of emotions that I
didn't even know I had.

My knees buckled as I sobbed, but I didn't fall. Edward scooped me up and carried

me up to my room, and actually tucked me into bed. He knelt down by my side, and
placed his hand on my shoulder as I continued to cry. He just stayed there and
gently ran his thumb in soothing little circles as I made a fool of myself, ridiculously
bawling in front of him.

When my crying finally slowed, he looked me in the eye and made sure I was

looking back. "You…are not worthless. I can't tell you what your place in this world
is, but I do know you'll find it. You're going to do extraordinary things, Bella. Just
wait and see."

Then he did something very strange. He leaned in and kissed my forehead -

Edward Masen just kissed my forehead? – and then he pulled the covers over my
shoulders. "Go to sleep," he said softly.

"I'm not tired," I protested feebly.

"Yes, you are. You've been tired for a long time; you just won't admit it to

yourself."

- 69 -

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked, honestly surprised he didn't just ditch

me after my horrid display of self-pity. "I'm so…pathetic."

"No you're not, and stop degrading yourself," he said sternly. "You can't see it

because of all this stress in your life, but somewhere, deep inside, there's an
incredible woman in there, just waiting for her chance to break through."

I laughed halfheartedly. "Now you sound like Emmett. Are you going to call me 'a

beautiful swan' too?"

He chuckled in a way that I had never heard from him before. It wasn't pompous,

or mocking, or forced; it was sincere and lit up his face making his eyes twinkle. "I
always knew Emmett was a big cheese ball."

"Yeah, but I think you might be one too."

"Well, weren't you the one who said I copied everything he did?" he asked while

wiping a runaway tear off the tip of my nose with his index finger.

"I guess so."

We both giggled, and then he reached up to ruffle my hair like I was a little kid.

"Try to get some sleep," he said again. "Do you want me to stay in here with you
until you're out?"

I smiled. "I think I can manage."

"Ok. Goodnight," he said, and then got up and turned off the light.

"Hey, Edward," I called after him.

He turned back to me through the darkness, and the light from the hallway

illuminated him from behind making him almost look unearthly. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Thank you…not just for tonight, but…for everything."

I couldn't see his features well, but I think he smiled. "You're welcome. And I want

you to know, anything you need, anything at all, I'm here."

I laughed once. "You may just regret that offer one day."

He shook his head. "Not a chance."

- 70 -

Ch7 Kids

A/N: When reading this chapter, please remember that I've asked for some

creative liberties in this story. I'm horrible at science, so just try to bear with me,
thanks.

Chapter 7 – Kids

"Hey, come outside, I have something for you," Edward said excitedly one

Saturday afternoon. He had been working that morning so I wasn't expecting him
until dinner, but I was happy he was home. In fact, I seemed to always be happy
when he was home. Things were just better with Edward around.

"Why, what's going on?" I asked curiously.

"Come on; just get your shoes on," he said impatiently. "Hurry!" He was acting

like a little child on Christmas morning, and I couldn't help but be excited by his
excitement.

"Ok," I said as I rushed to put my shoes on. I didn't even have time to tie the laces

before he was dragging me outside.

"What do you think?" he asked as he pointed at the new old clunker in the

driveway.

"You built a second car?" I assumed. "Or did you trade your other one for this?"

"No, I bought this last month and I've been working on it in my free time. I wasn't

sure if it would be ready in time, but I finished it three days ago. I couldn't wait to
show you, I almost gave it to you early."

"Huh?" I asked, confused and slightly disturbed. "You almost gave it to me early?"

I had to have heard him wrong, right?

"Yeah. Happy sixteenth birthday!" he said enthusiastically.

"Today's not my birthday," I replied mechanically.

"I thought your birthday was September thirteenth?" he asked slowly.

- 71 -

"It is, but that's not for a few more days…"

"Bella, today is the thirteenth," he said, taking me aback. Had I really lost track of

time? Sure I tended to do that quite often without a lot of people around to remind
me, but how could it be my birthday without me even realizing it? I pulled my cell
out of my pocket and looked at the date. Sure enough, it was September thirteenth…
and I had three missed calls.

I decided to check my messages later, because at the moment I had a rather large

reddish-orange hunk of metal sitting in the driveway, and I needed to thank Edward.

"Wow…this is really…too much," I said slowly, not sure what else to say.

"Ok, so I know it's not the best looking thing, but it's got a strong engine and you

could drive it full speed into a tree and it would hardly dent. This thing is a tank."

"Well, thank you. It's very….special."

He grinned widely. "Let's go for a spin."

"Uh…I don't have a license," I pointed out.

"No, I know, but I'll take you down to the DMV so you can take your test."

"Thanks, but I have no idea how to drive, so there's no way I could pass."

"You don't know how to drive?" he asked surprised. "Don't you have your permit?"

"Yeah, I passed the written test but I haven't ever actually driven. My parents

have been busy with Em, so there's never been any time to practice."

"Hmm," he contemplated for a minute. "Well, I have time so I'll just have to teach

you myself. You can't be sixteen and not have any idea how to drive; it's like a sin or
something. Get in."

"I really don't think that's such a good idea," I protested. "I'm not kidding when I

say that I have horrible reflexes."

"I've known you since you were a kid, trust me, I know how bad your reflexes are.

We'll find a parking lot to practice in before going out on the street. Come on, get
in."

- 72 -

I huffed, but I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse to get out of it, so I

reluctantly got into the passenger side door.

Edward drove us to an abandoned parking lot, and then he got out and made me

scoot over to the driver's seat. "Ok, ready?" he asked.

"No, not at all," I said, absolutely terrified.

"It's not as hard as it looks. Now, turn on the ignition, and put your foot on the

break."

I nodded. "Ok, which one is the break?" I asked him.

He looked at me shocked and a little scared. "Wow, we have a lot more work to do

than I thought," he said to himself."

"Edward, I'm just messing with you," I said with a laugh. "But you should have

really seen your face."

"Ha, ha," he said sarcastically. "Ok, so put your foot on the break," he repeated.

"And then put it into reverse….Now, look around to make sure it's clear, and slowly
lift your foot off the break."

"Like this?" I asked. I did what he instructed, and we slowly began moving

backwards.

"Great," he said encouragingly. "Now press the break again and then put the car

into drive."

"Ok."

"Now just drive up and down these aisles. Try not to run over any painted lines."

I did as he said, and I was surprised by how simple it was, but even more than the

actual driving, I was pleasantly shocked by how smooth my new truck was. It
practically drove itself. Sure it was loud and shook a bit, and I had to push really
hard on the gas pedal to make it go forward, but I could feel myself quickly falling in
love with it.

"See, you're a natural," Edward told me after my lesson was finished for the day.

"Yeah, well we'll see how I do on real roads," I said sarcastically. "And I won't

- 73 -

even mention the fact that winter is coming. Driving on ice is definitely not going to
be easy for me."

"Don't worry about it, you'll get the hang of it and everything will be fine, you'll

see."

"Your confidence in me is really annoying," I mumbled as we both got out of the

truck.

"Ah, what did we talk about when it comes to self-confidence?" he asked lightly

while draping his arm over my shoulder as he walked me inside the house.

"That there's no point in having any?" I joked.

He laughed once, and then sighed. "Oh, Bella, what are we going to do with you?"

"I think you should just drop me off at the pound and just forget about me."

"I couldn't do that. You'd get fleas and your dad would seriously be pissed at me."

We both giggled, but since Edward mentioned my dad, I remembered that I had

missed messages on my phone. I called my voicemail, and wasn't surprised to hear
Charlie's voice on the line. "Bella, hey it's dad. I am so…so sorry that I'm not there
today to celebrate your birthday. I can't believe I over looked it. But I promise, I will
make it up to you. Anything you want….Call me back."

I hung up the phone.

I wasn't mad at Charlie for picking that week to go see Emmett again and not

realizing it was my birthday; hell, I even forgot it was my birthday so I'd never
expect for him to remember when he was trying to be there for Emmett. I had a
lifetime's worth of birthdays ahead of me, and who knew how long Emmett had left.

I didn't bother checking my other messages, I knew they were probably from my

mother and grandmother, and I really didn't feel like listening to anymore wishes
and regrets for their absences. Celebrating my birthday was pointless with Emmett
fighting every day just to survive to the next.

But it seemed Edward didn't share in that belief.

"Happy birthday!" he said after dinner that evening. He came out of the kitchen

with a big cake and a lit 16 candle on top. And then he started singing….

- 74 -

"Uh."

It was terribly awkward and embarrassing, but surprisingly, he could actually

carry a tune, even if he got half the words wrong. Who doesn't know the words to
the Happy Birthday Song?

"Well, blow out the candle," he insisted.

I rolled my eyes, but when I was about to blow, he pulled the cake away.

"You didn't make a wish," he chided me.

"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously. "Birthday wishes are like Santa Claus

and the Tooth Fairy. They're for little kids who don't know better."

"Wow, you are way too young to be such a cynic."

"Oh, come on, you don't actually believe in this sort of thing?" I asked.

"Ok, I gave up on Santa Claus and all that, but birthday wishes are real."

"And how many of your birthday wishes have ever come true?" I challenged him.

He thought about it. "Well, none, but that's only because I never had one."

"You never wished for anything?"

"Never really had a birthday cake and candles."

I bit my bottom lip. "Well, on your next birthday I'll make sure to get you a cake

and candles," I told him.

"Will you sing?" he asked with a huge grin.

"I never sing," I told him. "But…for you I will."

His smile grew bigger than I had ever seen before. "Can't wait."

"Oh, you'll be sorry for that, trust me," I said with a laugh.

- 75 -

"How bad could you be?" he asked amused.

"You'll see."

"Ok, now make a wish and blow out this candle before it melts all over the icing,"

he instructed.

I closed my eyes, and just to humor him I made a silent wish that Emmett would

get better and my family would one day be complete again. I made the wish, and
tried to believe it would come true, but I definitely had my doubts.

"Yay!" he cheered for me teasingly. "And you didn't even get any spit on it."

I laughed. "Not that you could see."

His face looked a little disturbed for a moment, but then he shrugged and smiled

again. "Let's have some. I made it myself," he said proudly.

"Oh…great," I replied with a mix of appreciation and horror. "When did you have

time to bake?"

"Bella, I'm fucking with you."

"Oh," I said with a chuckle. "Thank god."

"Hey, I resent that. The chicken I made wasn't all that bad."

"No, I loved eating raw chicken and getting food poisoning afterwards," I joked.

"Ok, but how hard could it be to make cake?"

"You'd be surprised."

Edward's store bought cake was pretty good, and then we spent the rest of the

evening laughing and reminiscing about our different birthday celebrations of the
past. We talked about my eleventh birthday and how I was bitching and screaming
at everyone. Renee had let it slip that I had just got my very first period, and
Emmett and Edward were making fun of me the entire day. It was horrifying then,
but looking back on it was kind of funny. We also talked about Emmett's seventeenth
birthday where they had spent two days straight calling into a local radio show until
they won a cruise for my parents so they'd be gone for his party. They invited the
entire school and had a bunch of booze but somehow managed to have it all cleaned

- 76 -

up before my parents returned three days later; I spent that weekend at Rose's
house.

"Why don't you see her anymore?" Edward asked unexpectedly. "Rose. She was

like your best friend, right?"

I shrugged. "We've grown apart… Why?" I asked suspiciously. Rose had become

boy crazy and she had the looks and body to support it, so perhaps he was asking
because he wished she'd come over more so he could date her. "She's only sixteen,
you know. That's jail bait for you."

He scrunched his face. "Ugh, don't make me vomit. Why the hell would I ever go

after her?" he asked with disgust.

"I don't know, she's beautiful and sexy; a lot of guys like her."

He shook his head. "She's a little kid," he said incredulously.

"She doesn't look like a little kid. You haven't seen her in a while, but she's

definitely-" I made a motion towards my chest to indicate her large boobs, "-well
developed."

He laughed. "Well good for her. I'm sure she'll make some little sixteen year old

boy's wet dreams come true."

"She's dated guys your age," I rebutted.

He scrunched his face. "Really? That's….disturbing. You should tell your dad and

have those perverts arrested."

I rolled my eyes. "You're not that much older than us. Three years is nothing, my

parents are four years apart."

"Yeah, three years for adults is nothing, three years for teenagers is a lot. Besides,

it's illegal. Those dudes should be in jail."

"Isn't there an age of consent, or something?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I knew this dude who was twenty and messed

around with a seventeen year old chick, and got three years in jail for it."

"Oh… Yeah, maybe you shouldn't go after Rose," I said with a laugh.

- 77 -

"I wouldn't go after Rose even if she was legal."

"Why not?"

"Not my type."

"I thought your type was anything with breasts?"

He shook his head. "I'm more of an ass guy."

"Most think she's got a great ass too," I argued. Why the hell I was trying to

convince him to be attracted to Rose, I had no idea.

He shook his head again. "Nope, she just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's because

I've known her since she was a kid; I don't know."

"She still is a kid, according to you."

"Exactly," he agreed. "So let's just drop this rather awkward topic, why don't we?"

Thank god. "Yes, let's."

"Well, kiddo, I hope you had a good enough birthday."

"Oh, so now I'm a kiddo?" I said with a laugh.

"Yep. You and all your little sixteen year old kiddo friends."

"Yeah, I have so many of those," I said mockingly.

"You should. You're a pretty fun chick to hang out with."

"Sure," I said sarcastically.

"Hey," he chided.

I put my hands up defensively. "Stop putting myself down, I remember."

"Good. And I don't want to hear that crap from you again."

"Okay, okay," I replied while rolling my eyes. "And for the record," I added

seriously. "This was a great birthday, thank you."

- 78 -

He smiled warmly. "I'm going to hold you to your promise to get me a cake on my

birthday."

I giggled. "You'll have it."

When my dad came home the following weekend, he apologized profusely for

missing my birthday, but I assured him that I wasn't a little kid anymore and that it
really didn't matter to me, and it honestly didn't; in fact, I actually had one of the
best birthdays that I had in a years, thanks to Edward.

The following week, after practicing several times on real streets with Edward,

Charlie signed the form for my driver's test and I passed, thus becoming a legal
driver. Edward bought me another cake to celebrate. But since I now had a license
and a truck of my own, Edward didn't have to drive me to school anymore, and I'd be
lying if I said I didn't slightly miss that time with him. He didn't have to use his lunch
break to pick me up anymore, so that was good, but I didn't see him until he got off
work in the evenings, which I suppose, in a way, was how most families were
anyway, so I guessed I just needed to get used to it.

That Thanksgiving, Charlie bought tickets for Edward and me to fly to Phoenix

with him, for which we were very thankful, but I wasn't sure why he picked that time
for us to go instead of Christmas. When we got there, however, I understood.

"Hey, wow, this is a surprise!" Emmett said excitedly when we arrived. He looked

amazing. He put some of his weight back on and had color in his cheeks again.
Apparently a new drug was helping alleviate the symptoms and had slowed down
the progression of the disease… but it was still progressing.

"So, what's really going on?" I pulled Charlie to the side and asked. Edward and

Emmett were catching up, so I figured it was the perfect time to question my dad. I
rarely saw him anymore, so it was probably the only chance I'd get anyway.

"Well, I wanted you guys to come visit Em while his feeling good. You know, since

he's been so sick every other time you've come."

"I'm not asking why you brought us here now, I'm asking what's really going on

with Emmett? Is he getting better, or is this like the calm before the storm?"

Charlie huffed. "Your mother doesn't want me telling you this, but Emmett has

decided to stop all chemo and radiation."

- 79 -

"What?" I nearly shouted. "He's giving up?"

"He's still on the national registry for a donor, but finding someone with his ethnic

background is…difficult.… I think he's just tired of feeling horrible all the time, and
that stuff definitely made him feel worse."

I suddenly felt numb. I had slowly begun to realize that he may not be cured, but

having him just give up like that was heartbreaking. If I didn't find a way to bury my
emotions, I would have just broken down and cried right then and there, and I didn't
want to do that in front of Emmett. We all had to be strong for him.

"Without the chemo and the other stuff….and a donor isn't found….how long does

he have left?" I asked Charlie carefully.

He took a deep breath. "I don't know. Baby, try not to worry about it, ok, he

doesn't want you to. I still have faith that a donor will be found in time, and you
should too."

Just then I saw Emmett's doctor walking past his room, so I decided to go ask him

since my father was pretending not to know. I was tired of feeling out of the loop, so
it was best to go straight to the source.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen," I said politely.

He stopped and turned to me. "Ah, young Ms. Swan, how may I help you?"

"I was just hoping you had a minute to answer a couple of my questions…about my

brother?"

"Of course; ask me anything."

I nodded and then cleared my throat. "If Emmett doesn't get a donor, and he

doesn't go back on radiation, then how long does he have left?"

Dr. Cullen thought about it for a moment, but I knew he wasn't thinking about the

question itself, just on whether or not he should answer it.

"Please, Doctor, I just need to know."

"What did your parents tell you?" he asked gently.

"Not much," I admitted.

- 80 -

"Maybe they don't want you to know."

"No, please, I can' handle it. I think they just assume that I'm too young to

understand, but I'm really not a child anymore. Please?"

He sighed. "There's really no way to be sure how long someone will live in this

situation. Could be months, could be years."

"Best guess?" I pressed.

"If he stays strong, he can live another three years."

"Max?"

He nodded. "And that's a long time. He's actually very fortunate to have the type

of leukemia he has. It's rarer than others and more difficult to cure, but it's slower
moving."

"What are the chances of finding a donor?" I asked, not wanting to hear how my

dying brother was 'fortunate'.

He sighed again. "With your background…it's just not the most common

combinations. A donor doesn't have to have the exact same ethnicity, but they
definitely need to be closer than the ones that are currently registered."

"So, I was probably his best bet," I said hopelessly.

"A sibling is always the best bet."

"Why couldn't I have been a match?" I asked myself guiltily.

"You had a one in four chance," Dr. Cullen replied. "You're a carrier of all four

different types, but in your case, just the wrong one was dominant."

Then a thought occurred to me, and before I had a chance to really think it

through, I was voicing it. "If I'm a carrier for all four…does that mean that I could
pass the right one to my child and it would be a match for Emmett?"

I wasn't even sure why I was asking that question when I didn't have any children,

but something compelled me to ask regardless.

"Are you pregnant?" the doctor asked with a mix of concern and hope.

- 81 -

"No," I said quickly. "But…what if I was? I mean, what if I was older and had a few

kids, could one of them be a match for Emmett?"

"Metaphorically?" he asked carefully. I nodded, so he continued. "Well,

metaphorically speaking, if you had a child it could potentially be a match, but the
odds are very low. You are not a match yourself, and it is true that you could pass on
the matching gene to your child, but you have to consider the child's father's DNA
and ethnicity as well. If his ethnicity was similar, you'd have more of a chance. But,
Ms. Swan, even if everything was lined up perfectly, your chance of being a match
was only twenty five percent, so if you had a child, it would only be a fourth of that.
We're talking about really poor odds, here. You'd have a better chance at winning
the lotto."

"I know," I said, feeling hopeless again. "But people do win the lotto," I told him.

He grinned halfheartedly. "You're right, some people do win. And do you want to

know a secret?" He leaned in as if it was really important and he didn't want anyone
overhearing. "I believe in miracles. I'm not supposed to since I'm a man of science,
but I've seen things that can't be explained, and I have faith that anything's
possible."

I smiled. "Me too."

"We'll find Emmett a donor, we have to keep up hope."

"Definitely," I agreed. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"You're welcome. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

I shook my head.

When I turned around to go back to Emmett's room, I was surprised to see

Edward standing there, leaning against a wall and listening to our conversation.

"You know, it's rude to eavesdrop," I joked.

"I wasn't, I was just giving Em some privacy while the nurse checks him out," he

said defensively.

I walked over and leaned against the wall next to him. My mind was still trying to

process everything the doctor said, and for whatever reason, I just couldn't get past
any of it.

- 82 -

"Hey, what's twenty five divided by four?" I asked absently. I could have easily

figured it out myself, but my brain wasn't in math mode at the moment.

"Six point two five….Why?" he asked suspiciously.

I shrugged. "Just wondering."

He turned towards me and then grabbed both my shoulders so that I was facing

him. "Bella, he's going to find a donor in time," he said assuredly.

I didn't look back at him, I just couldn't at the moment; I didn't respond at all, and

thankfully he didn't force me to either. He let me go, and then leaned his back
against the wall again.

I thought about my conversation with the doctor for the rest of the week, and then

I thought about it even more on the plane ride home. It just kept replaying in my
mind over and over again, and I couldn't focus on anything else.

The odds weren't good…but they were better than nothing. My mother couldn't

physically have a baby to save Emmett….but maybe I could.

I skipped school that Monday and spent the entire day researching on the

internet. I looked up anything and everything about donors and people having
babies to save relatives. It was a controversial topic, but one that had a growing
success rate. I couldn't find anything on people having babies to help their siblings,
it was usually parents trying to help their children, but that didn't mean it couldn't
be done.

Six percent was better than nothing.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked me unexpectedly, making me jump.

"Shit, you scared me," I told him, and quickly exited out of the web site I was

reading.

"Sorry," he replied. "But why aren't you in school?"

"Why aren't you at work?" I rebutted.

"Some guy asked if he could trade days off with me this week. Besides, I can miss

work, you can't miss school."

- 83 -

"You and Emmett used to ditch all the time, and you both graduated," I argued.

"Ok, whatever," Edward said carelessly. "Just don't make a habit out of it. You are

better than we were."

Edward grabbed a soda and sat on the couch to watch TV, so I used his distraction

to my advantage and continued my search.

Six percent is better than nothing….

And then something made me look up at Edward, and everything suddenly

became clear. Have faith, everything happens for a reason. That's what everyone
said, and for the first time, I was starting to believe it.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"What ethnicity are you?"

"Uh…English, I think. Why?"

"I thought you said before that you were German?"

"Oh, yeah, I think my grandma said my ancestors were originally from Germany

before they moved to England and eventually to the US, or something like that."

"And what about on your mom's side?" I questioned.

"Uh, I think she was like…Italian, or something."

"So, you're mostly German and Italian?" I asked, becoming more and more hopeful

by the second.

"I think so…Why? What's going on?"

I ignored his question because I needed to think. Emmett and I were Italian,

French, Spanish, and German, so if we mixed in Edward's German and Italian, it
would keep with our ethnic background. It was just too perfect to be real, but I
wasn't going to question it any more. If Emmett was going to have any chance at all,
we'd have to act quickly.

- 84 -

Six percent was definitely better than nothing, and nothing was all Emmett had at

the moment. It was clear in my mind what had to be done, the problem was going to
be making it clear in Edward's mind…

"Hey, Edward?" I asked nervously. I stood up and walked to where he was in the

living room, and sat next to him on the couch. My entire body was terrified by what I
was about to ask him, but I couldn't back down. It was going to work, I could feel it.

"Yeah?" he asked concerned. He could see that I was shaking, and he was

obviously starting to worry. "What's going on?"

"Remember when you told me that you were here if I ever needed anything?"

"Yeah," he said fiercely, as if he was preparing himself to protect me against

something.

"Well, I need your help…."

- 85 -

Ch8 Conviction

Chapter 8 – Conviction

"Hey, Edward?" I asked nervously. I stood up and walked to where he was in the

living room, and sat next to him on the couch. My entire body was terrified by what I
was about to ask him, but I couldn't back down. It was going to work, I could feel it.

"Yeah?" he asked concerned. He could see that I was shaking, and he was

obviously starting to worry. "What's going on?"

"Remember when you told me that you were here if I ever needed anything?"

"Yeah," he said fiercely, as if he was preparing himself to protect me against

something.

"Well, I need your help,"

"Ok, what do you need?"

"Just hear me out before you decide anything," I warned him.

"Bella, what's going on?" he asked impatiently.

I took a deep breath. "I think I should have a baby," I forced out.

He stared at me for a moment….and then he busted out laughing. "Oh Bella,

you're funny."

I huffed. "I'm serious. And you said you'd hear me out before making any

decisions."

"Alright, I'm hearing you out," he said, having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"My parents tried to have a baby to save Emmett, you know, to create a tissue

match, but for whatever reason they couldn't… So…I thought that if I had one…" I
let my sentence trail off because Edward's amusement on the topic had morphed
into what looked like pure horror.

We stared at each other in an intense, humiliating standoff, and then he finally

- 86 -

broke.

"You're serious."

"Yes," I replied calmly. "Emmett needs a donor that's ethnically similar to him, and

because I'm his sister, I have a six percent chance of having a child with a matching
tissue type."

"Ok, hold on!" he cut me off. "Just stop, ok. This is ridiculous. Do you even know

what you're talking about? Seriously, do you even have a clue?"

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. Dr. Cullen said…"

"That's what you were discussing with him?" Edward asked angrily. "He put this

insane idea in your head?" He was getting mad, and I really needed to try to calm
him down.

"No, Dr. Cullen just told me the facts I was asking, he wasn't putting me up to

anything. This is my idea completely."

"Right, and now I understand what you meant when you said you weren't smart,"

he said harshly. I really couldn't believe he said that to me. I never understood how
people could let words affect them, but those words, coming from him, cut like a
knife. He was the only person in the world who ever tried convincing me that I
wasn't an idiot, but there he was, taking it back…and it hurt more than any physical
pain I ever felt before.

"Bella, I'm sorry… I didn't mean that," he murmured after a few minutes.

"It's fine," I said, trying to sound indifferent, but my voice broke and a slow stream

of warmth went running down my cheeks. Was I crying?

"No, it's not fine. You're not stupid, I shouldn't have said that. It's just…this…you

can't go around thinking that having a baby will fix anything, cuz it won't. It won't
bring your parents back together, and it won't make them pay any more attention to
you at the moment."

Then I started getting mad. "Wait, you think I want to have a baby because I'm

starving for attention? I just told you it's for a tissue match for Emmett. He's going
to die if he doesn't get a donor…"

"Well, you getting pregnant isn't going to help him."

- 87 -

"It would have a six percent chance…"

"Six percent," he said with a humorless laugh. "Bella, do you understand how low

that is?"

"It's more of a percentage than he has now," I told him emotionally, and he

couldn't argue with that.

"Bella, you're sixteen years old. You should be thinking about dating and school

dances, not trying to get pregnant to save your brother."

"We both know I have no desire to date and go to school dances. I've never been

normal, so being pregnant is not going to change my life too much."

"The fact that you don't think it would change your life is exactly why you're

nowhere close to being ready for such a thing. Let's say you do go and get yourself
pregnant by some random douche, you would have to go to school pregnant,
everyone would be talking about you, and in nine months you'll have a baby to care
for. Even if you don't like to go out and party, becoming a teen mom is still a big
deal."

I bit my bottom lip. "I don't plan on becoming a teen mom," I admitted. "My cousin

lives in Chicago. She and her husband have been on a waiting list to adopt a baby
for years."

"Ok, so let me get this straight…You are planning to get pregnant, then put the

baby up for adoption? Bella, you can't do that, it's just….wrong."

"Why is it wrong? Not only is Emmett's life being saved, but a loving couple gets

the baby they've always wanted and probably wouldn't get otherwise. There are
thousands of couples out there who can't have kids of their own. They even have a
series about adoption struggles on The Learning Channel. It's a win-win for
everyone."

"Everyone except you," he argued. "Regardless of whether you ended up raising it

yourself, this is a small town, everyone will talk."

"Do you honestly think I care about that?" I asked with tears clouding my vision

once again. "Emmett is going to die if a donor isn't found. There's no coming back
from that. No fixing it."

"And you getting pregnant isn't going to help him. Bella, six percent. What if you

- 88 -

got pregnant and the baby wasn't even a match. Then what? Give the baby up for
adoption then try again? What the hell do you think your parents are going to say?"

"If the baby isn't a match then at least I know I did everything I could… and

Emmett doesn't have enough time left to try again. My parents will be disappointed
that I've become a 'statistic', or whatever, but they have more important things to
worry about. They'll get over it. It probably won't even be a blip on their radar,
especially if Emmett doesn't make it…and if he does, then they'll just be grateful."

"Bella, you can't do this. You think having a baby wouldn't affect you, but it would.

You'd have to live with it for the rest of your life."

"At least I'll have a life, which is more than Emmett would have. Besides, I'm not

like that. I've never cared about babies, I've never had any sort of natural maternal
instinct. You should see Rose around babies and kids, she goes gaga…but I don't and
never will. It's not going to bother me to give it up."

"I'd imagine it would feel differently with your own baby," he rebutted.

"Edward, I have to do this. I know the odds are against me, but…I feel that this is

going to work deep down inside my gut. I don't know how to even really explain it.
It's like…it's like….remember when I was upset and I felt like I was worthless…well,
I don't feel like that anymore. I'm supposed to do this. I'm supposed to save Emmett,
I just know it," I told him confidently.

"Bella…you're just a kid," he said quietly. "Kids believe a lot of things they

shouldn't, and that's part of growing up."

I shook my head. "No, this isn't like that. I'm not some doe eyed little girl that

thinks I'm going to marry my first crush. I know this isn't going to be easy, but
nothing real in life ever is. I have to at least try…otherwise I'd never be able to live
with myself."

He must have seen my conviction, because he sighed and then said - "Your dad

left me in charge of you, but you obviously have your mind set and I can't control
you every minute of every day." He looked up at the ceiling as if he were searching
for help from a higher power. "I just really hope you come to your senses before it's
too late, but either way I don't want to know any more about it."

Uh… "I think you've misunderstood me," I said slowly.

"I have? Oh, thank god," he said, sincerely relieved. "Because I thought you were

- 89 -

telling me that you were going to get yourself pregnant."

"How could I get myself pregnant?" I asked him suggestively.

"Wait, what?" he asked confused.

"I can't just get pregnant by some random loser at a party. I need him to have a

similar ethnic background in order for the tissue to have a better chance at
matching."

"Uh…" he said as realization began to hit him.

"You're German and Italian, just like us…"

He shook his head slowly.

"Edward, I need you. Besides, even if ethnicity didn't matter, most guys willing to

have unprotected sex probably have STDs. I mean, I'd be willing to risk it, but…"

"Bella, there is no way in hell that I'm going to…" He couldn't even say the word.

"Please," I begged desperately. "You're my best chance."

"Look, I think it's…admirable that you'd be willing to sacrifice yourself for your

brother like that, but…it's wrong. Even if it could be guaranteed that the baby was a
match, it's still wrong in so many ways. And if I were to….If I helped you with this,"
he shook his head again. "Emmett would never forgive me. I'd never forgive myself.
Not to mention the fact that your dad would throw my ass in jail."

"No one will ever know," I told him quickly. "I'll say I got pregnant by some

random guy. You wouldn't have to do anything, well…nothing besides…you know."

"Bella, I'm not going to have sex with you!" he spat. It was like the words were

disgusting in his mouth and he needed to get them out as quickly as possible.

"It won't be like that," I tried assuring him. "I know how to time my periods and

figure out when I ovulate. We'll just…we don't even have to touch each other. We'll
keep our clothes on and just do it quickly and not think about it again."

"You've obviously never had sex before," he mumbled.

"So, you get naked and all hot and sweaty every time you have sex?" I asked him

- 90 -

incredulously.

He scrunched up his face. "I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with

you."

"Seriously, though. Haven't you ever had sex with a girl you weren't attracted to?"

"You're a virgin…do you really want to lose your virginity like that?" he asked,

dismissing my question. "You should wait until…until you're older. When you've had
a chance to date and see what you want."

I rolled my eyes. "Hardly anyone waits until they're in love these days."

"I didn't say you had to be in love, just…I don't know, at least wait until you want

to have sex."

"I do want to."

"No, you know what I mean. You should wait until you want to because you want

to, not because you're trying to save your brother."

I stared at him until my eyes burned, and then I blinked slowly and a tear rolled

down my cheek. "Sometimes, things don't go the way they should. Life should be
hearts and roses all the time for everyone…but its not. This next part of my life will
be difficult…but I am doing it and I will get through it." I bit my bottom lip, and then
stood up straight and tried to make my voice as steady as possible. "I'm going to be
ovulating in two weeks, and I need your help…Emmett and I need your help….but if
you're not willing to help us, then I'll find someone else. I'll go to a binger party and
find some drunk idiot who won't even know the difference. Of course, he probably
won't have the right ethnic background which will only make the odds even
worse…but I will get pregnant…with or without you. I'm just really hoping you'll be
the one to do this with me...because you're the only person in this world that I can
truly trust."

With that, I turned and went to my bedroom. I didn't want Edward telling me yet

again how he wasn't going to do it, because the truth was that he was just reacting
without even taking the time to think about it. It may sound crazy, but I knew in my
heart that it would work, and if Edward just opened his mind and heart, he'd know
too. He needed time to think about it, and I was going to give him that time.

For the next two weeks, Edward and I hardly spoke. He didn't bring up my

request, and neither did I. Regardless of what he decided, I knew our relationship

- 91 -

would never be the same. He'd never joke around with me the way he did before,
and he'd probably never look at me like Emmett's innocent little sister again. I
ruined that by asking him something that he probably deemed unforgivable, and I
suddenly felt like I had lost my family all over again.

But I couldn't take it back. The more days that passed, the more confident I had

become in my decision. My baby would save Emmett, I was sure of it.

But Edward's increased distance towards me had me convinced that he wasn't

going to change his mind, so I needed to find someone else to get me pregnant.

"Hey Rose," I said hesitantly at school that week.

"Bella, hey, how are you?" she asked, surprised that I was speaking to her at all.

"Fine…uh, I was wondering if there were any parties happening tonight…or in the

next couple days sometime?"

She raised her brows at me. "You want to go to a party?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling like I had a lump in my throat.

"Um…ok…yeah, I think Kate is having a party Friday night. Do you want me to

pick you up?"

I shook my head. "I have a truck. Is the party at her house?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"What time should I be there?" I asked nervously.

"Around ten."

"Ok, great," I said with as much faux excitement as I could muster.

"Bella, is everything ok?" she asked me concerned.

"Yeah," I lied. "Why?"

"Well, you've been sort of…antisocial lately, and suddenly you want to go to a

party?" she asked. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were working as a spy
for your dad or something," she said with a light laugh. "Are you trying to rat out the

- 92 -

underage drinking?"

I smiled. "No, I'm just…bored. I've tried to be good for my parents while my

brother's been sick, but…I'm tired of it," I said, full of attitude. I was actually lying
quite well, and I was rather proud of myself.

"Um... okay," Rose replied skeptically. She always could tell when I was lying, but

thankfully she didn't call me on it.

When Friday night came, I went into my father's closet and found a few dresses

that my mother had left there when she moved out. They were all too big for me,
and way too long, so I cut the length and pinned the sides in so they fit tightly. I
didn't feel too bad about ruining my mother's dresses, I mean she left them there, so
she must not have wanted them anymore, which is basically the same thing she did
with me. I was an old dress…but I was about to be redone into something new,
something no one had seen before.

I curled my hair and clipped it up in a sexy-messy up-do, and then spent an extra

hour on makeup. When I was finally finished getting ready, I looked at myself in the
mirror and couldn't help but think about how it would be the last time I would see
myself as a virgin.

A part of me was excited, but it was a very small part because most of me was

scared shitless. Even more than the pain of having sex for the first time, I couldn't
help but wonder what disgusting moron I would find to shoot his DNA inside me…
But even worse, I started feeling guilty about it. Even if I didn't care about putting
my child up for adoption, maybe the unsuspecting guy would and he'd never even
know he fathered a child. It wasn't fair to him and the thought was starting to freak
me out, but saving Emmett was still the most important thing so I forced myself not
to think about it.

I walked downstairs and unexpectedly saw Edward standing in the doorway,

blocking my exit.

"Where are you going?" he asked me emotionlessly. He didn't look me in the eye,

which was basically how it had been for the past two weeks so I wasn't surprised.

"Out," I replied evenly. I really couldn't stand there and have a conversation with

him, because I knew I'd never be able to leave. I'd just end up begging him to be the
one to help me again, and that wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"I really don't think you should go anywhere right now."

- 93 -

"Why not?"

"Because it's ten o'clock at night. You have a curfew."

I laughed once. "Since when?"

"Since you decided to go out," he said evenly.

"Last time I checked, I've never gotten into any trouble, so I have no reason not to

be allowed to go out."

"Well, your dad put me in charge of you, and I'm telling you that you can't go out

right now," he said sternly.

I shrugged. "Then call him. Ten bucks says he'll tell you to let me go."

I walked past him to get out the door, but he grabbed my arm. "Bella, no. I'm not

going to let you do this to yourself."

I yanked my arm away from him. "It's not up to you."

"You're making a mistake," he called after me, so I stopped and stormed back to

him.

"No, you made it for me," I rebutted harshly. "Emmett is your best friend; you

should be the one helping me with this."

He didn't respond verbally, he just stared at me and shook his head ever so

slightly, so I turned and went back to my truck. I got in and turned the key to start
the engine, except it didn't work.

I glanced up at the house and saw Edward standing on the porch, watching me

with his arms crossed in front of him. It was obvious that he sabotaged my truck on
purpose; the guy worked on cars for a living, of course he knew how to kill one as
well. But I wasn't going to give up, I couldn't. I pulled out my cell and texted Rose to
see if she could come pick me up. Luckily, she was right around the corner so I only
had to wait a minute before she pulled up. I hurried and got into her car without
even looking in Edward's direction again. He was pissed at me, but I couldn't think
about that at the moment.

"So…what's going on?" Rose asked casually as she drove us to Kate's house.

- 94 -

"Nothing. Just looking to have a good time."

"So why was Edward Masen watching you like a hawk from your doorway then?"

I shrugged. "He's on a power trip and thinks he can tell me what to do."

"Um…okay."

She didn't ask any more questions on the drive over, but when we got there she

seemed a little nervous about something. "Oh hey, Bella, any time you want to leave,
just let me know and I'll take you right home, ok?"

And then I got suspicious. "Did Edward call you and ask you to keep an eye on

me?"

"What?" she asked legitimately confused. "No, I haven't spoken to Edward in

years. I'm just worried about you. You refused to talk to me for months, and all of a
sudden you asked me to take you to a party. I just don't want you to get into
something that you don't know how to get out of. I still think of you as my best
friend, and I always will…no matter how much time passes since we've spoken last."

I smiled at her heavily. "Thanks, but I'm fine, really. I just…want to have a good

time."

"Okay," she said skeptically. "But my offer stands all night. I won't be drinking

tonight, so anytime you want to go home, just let me know."

"Thanks," I said sincerely.

I grabbed one of the drinks that were being passed around, and forced it down my

throat. I always hated the taste of alcohol, but I figured it might loosen me up a bit
and make the experience a little less agonizing.

About ten minutes into the party, I had a taker. Jacob Black was following me

around like a lost puppy and practically dry humped my leg every time I sat down.
He was a sure bet, and I knew he'd do just about anything I wanted him to, including
sex without a condom.

It made my stomach twist, and not in a pleasant sort of way.

But then I made eye contact with Mike Newton, and I knew I could have him just

as easily as Jacob. Both were equally unappealing, but with Jacob's Native American

- 95 -

background, I figured it was a safer bet going with Mike. Mike was a stereotypical
white boy, so probably European decent, which meant he was most likely closer to
my German heritage.

"Excuse me, Jake," I said to him before getting up to go talk to Mike. If ethnicity

wasn't important then I'd definitely prefer Jacob over Mike personality wise, but that
wasn't important to me at the moment. I was doing this to save Emmett's life; I just
had to keep telling myself that.

After pathetically flirting with Mike, I asked him if he wanted to find a more

private place we could talk, but because he was a moron and I had no idea how to
proposition someone, he didn't understand my subliminal question.

"It's not too loud in here, but we can go talk on the porch out front, if you want,"

Mike replied, completely clueless.

"Maybe we should find a bedroom, or something," I said while seductively leaning

forward to expose what little cleavage I had.

He scratched his head. "I'm not sure if Kate would want us in the bedrooms."

For crying out loud. "Mike, do you want to have sex with me or not?" I asked him

frustrated.

He looked absolutely shocked by me boldness, but then he nodded slowly.

"Really?" he choked out.

"Let's do it quick before I change my mind," I told him before grabbing his arm

and tugging him towards the stairs.

I was nervous, and annoyed, and every step I took closer to the bedrooms upstairs

made my conscience scream louder and louder for me to stop. But I couldn't stop. I
needed to save Emmett.

We found an empty bedroom, and he immediately tried to kiss me but I pushed

him away. "I'm not into kissing," I told him, because quite frankly, the thought of
kissing him made me want to vomit.

"Uh…ok," he said carelessly, and then he started unzipping my dress. His hands

moved under the fabric and right to my breasts, and my stomach twisted into painful
knots. The feeling of his hands on me like that was disgusting, and I literally felt
sick. I tried to suppress the feeling for Emmett's sake, but I just couldn't get past it.

- 96 -

"Stop," I told him, feeling absolutely repulsed by the entire thing. "I can't do this,"

I said before zipping my dress back up and hurrying out of the room.

Rose drove me home and tried to ask what was wrong, but I didn't respond. I

didn't even know how to respond at that moment. I was so angry at myself that I
couldn't even think straight. Why the hell couldn't I go through with it? It was stupid
and pathetic, and I hated myself more than I ever had before. How could I ever live
with myself knowing I had run from a chance to save my brother? The guilt was
consuming.

By the time Rose pulled into my driveway, I had mentally called myself every

degrading name in the book and I was crying uncontrollably.

"Hey Bella," Rose said, trying to console me.

"I'm fine," I told her through my tears. "Thanks for the ride," I said quickly before

getting out of the car and rushing into the house.

I was vaguely aware of the fact that Edward was waiting up for me in the living

room, but I ran past him and straight into my room. I didn't want him to think he
was right, that I wasn't ready for something like sex and a pregnancy, because it
simply wasn't true….or maybe it was true and I still couldn't admit it. Either way, I
wasn't prepared to give up. I may have chickened out this time, but I'd find a way to
force myself to do it the next chance I got. I had to.

I cried into my pillow like the pathetic baby I was, but then I felt the his hand on

my back, and I couldn't stop myself from crawling into his lap and letting him hold
me securely. It didn't matter that we had hardly spoken over the past couple of
weeks; he was still the only person who made me feel like I wasn't alone in the
world. I didn't want him there to see me like that, but at the same time I couldn't
deny that I needed him.

He held me until my crying slowed, and then he told me everything was going to

be ok.

I shook my head. "How is everything going to be ok?" I asked him through a new

round of tears. "I'm so stupid, I can't even…"

"Bella, you're not stupid," he told me sternly. He always hated when I called

myself that. "Your heart is just too big that it clouds your judgment sometimes," he
joked.

- 97 -

I laughed once despite myself.

"Look…chances are that doing it once won't result in anything, so I'm sure you're

fine…But if you want I can go get the Morning After pill for you, and then you won't
have to worry too much."

"I didn't go through with it," I told him quickly, realizing that he assumed I was

crying because I regretted it.

"You didn't?" he asked surprised. "Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm a coward. I chickened out and probably ruined my chance."

"That doesn't make you a coward," he told me softly. "You're a sixteen year old

virgin, Bella, and you've taken it upon yourself to save your brother's life. Now, that
would be hard for anyone to bear. You're not a coward at all; you're the exact
opposite of that."

I laid there in his arms for a few minutes as I tried to calm down, and then I pulled

away and looked him in the eye for the first time in two weeks. "Edward…please," I
said no louder than a whisper. "Please help me with this."

"Bella," he murmured solemnly. "I can't….we can't."

"Yes, we can. It will save him, I know it," I tried assuring him. "No one will ever

know it was you, so you don't have to worry about being arrested or anything.
Emmett won't hate you, and…"

"I'd know," he interrupted me. "And I'd hate myself. Besides, even if I did agree to

this, how could I ever sit back and let you take the heat for it knowing I was just as
responsible as you…well, more cuz I'm an adult and I know better."

I bit my bottom lip and then sighed. "Then leave," I told him. It killed me to say it

because I didn't want him to leave ever, but I would do whatever it took for him to
agree to help me. "After I'm pregnant, just leave. You wanted to be a drifter anyway,
so….drift."

"I can't leave you alone," he said absently.

"I won't be alone. I heard my dad mentioning something about how Emmett

wanted to move back home. He's not continuing with the treatment at the center
anymore, so he wants to be here. I'll be fine, really. I'll have the baby and it'll save

- 98 -

Emmett, and then it'll be raised by a great couple who will love it immensely."

"And what happens to you then?" he asked.

I thought about it for a minute. "I go back to being….just me," I said with a shrug.

"I'm sure I'll finish school, and then maybe get a job. I don't know, I'll figure it out."

"Bella, the odds of something like this working…"

"I don't care about the odds. It'll work, I know it. Edward, we can save Emmett's

life….After everything you've been through together, after everything he's done for
you, shouldn't you want to do anything possible to help him?"

He squeezed his eyes closed tightly, and reached his hand up to pull his hair away

from his scalp. It was clear that he was fighting a war within himself on what he
should do, I only prayed the part of him willing to help me came out the winner.

He dropped his hand down in some form of defeat, and without opening his eyes,

he whispered "Okay."

My heart jumped. "Okay?" I asked, making sure I didn't hear him wrong.

"But if you couldn't go through with it at the party, then what makes you think you

can now?" he asked in a rush, still trying for anything that would get me to change
my mind.

"Because it didn't feel right with him. This feeling I have, this gut instinct that's

telling me that this will work…I only have that with you. I need you for this; you're
the only one who loves Emmett as much as I do, and you're the only one I trust."

"If you change your mind….at any point-"

"I won't," I told him confidently.

"But if you do…"

"I'll tell you."

"Promise me, Bella."

I swallowed hard. "I promise."

- 99 -

***A/N: Spoiler Alert - Bella will not end up putting the baby up for adoption, so

please don't send me hate mail on the subject. She's young and naïve, but I swear,
she'll figure it all out eventually

The next chapter is an extended version of the prologue, and it is already finished

and sitting on my computer. So REVIEW and I'll post it soon. Thanks!

- 100 -

Ch9 Natural

A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing so quickly, I really appreciate it!

*Just a little reminder, this is an M rated story which deals with mature

topics and graphic scenes. It may not be suitable for everyone. Thanks again

Chapter 9 – Natural

After we discussed everything thoroughly, we discussed everything again. Edward

was trying to get me to understand every aspect of the choice I was making, but
more importantly, he was still trying to convince me to change my mind. But my
mind was set, and whether he wanted to admit it or not, he knew just how sure I
was.

"We don't have to do it today," he said quickly. "We can wait a few months so you

have more time…"

"I don't need more time, but Emmett does and he might not get it. The baby will

take nine months before it's born, and we don't even know how old it has to be for
the transplant to happen. We need to do this now."

"But you'll still be ovulating tomorrow, right? I mean it's late. We could wait until

the morning…or tomorrow night even, that way…"

"No, this has to happen now. I don't want you overthinking it and bailing on me."

He sighed. "I just wish you'd overthink it a little more."

"I've thought about it enough. Every day we wait is just one less day that Emmett

has. It's going to be fine, you'll see," I told him.

He inhaled deeply, and then let it out slowly. "Ok, so how do you want to do this,

then?"

I shrugged. "I guess on my bed. I'll just…take off my pants and you can…you

know."

"Just like that?" he asked skeptically, though I wasn't sure what his problem was.

- 101 -

"Yeah. I mean, we're not doing this cuz we want to, so the quicker we get it done,

and the less naked we have to be, the better. It's going to be weird enough as it is, I
definitely don't want you to see me with all my clothes off."

He nodded absently. "Ok, so…the sooner it's over the better. You do realize this is

going to be uncomfortable, right? I mean, the first time for girls is always a little
painful."

"I'll be fine," I said unfazed.

We went up to my room, and the tension between us was palpable. "Can you

just…give me a minute?" I asked him nervously.

"Yeah," he replied. He turned back out of my room to wait in the hall, and then

shut the door to give me some privacy.

I went into my conjoined bathroom and took down my hair before just staring at

myself in the mirror for a long minute, trying to get ahold of my nerves. "Don't be a
coward," I said to myself. I was confident I was doing the right thing, but it was still
nerve racking. This really would be the last time I looked at myself as a virgin, and I
couldn't help but wonder if I'd look differently afterwards.

But the most surreal part of it all was the fact that Edward Masen was the one

who I was about to have sex with. Edward freaking Masen. The very same Edward
that used to disgust me and constantly piss me off, the same guy who I had asked
Emmett time and again to get rid of. Maybe he was right, maybe I was crazy. If I
could go back two years and tell myself that I'd lose my virginity to Edward I'd
probably vomit all over the place and then shoot myself…But then again, this wasn't
the same Edward, and I definitely wasn't the same Bella. We had both changed, and
not only grew up, but grew together in a way that I could honestly call him the best
friend I ever had.

I washed my face and then changed into a long T shirt so I was a little more

comfortable. Then I glanced at myself one more time in the mirror and sighed before
turning off the bedroom light. I went back to my room and sat on the bed under the
covers before shakily slipping off my underwear.

"Ok, you can come in now," I called to Edward nervously.

He walked in slowly, and looked a little surprised to see me already in bed.

"Are you sure?" he asked yet again.

- 102 -

"I would tell you if I wasn't," I said anxiously.

He walked closer to the bed and I could tell he was just as nervous as I

was…maybe even more.

"Should I turn off the light?" he asked awkwardly.

"It's a dimmer…so, maybe just lower it," I suggested. The less we were able to see

each other and freak ourselves out, the better.

He turned down the light, and then came back to the bed where he reluctantly

kneeled down. I bent my knees to give him more space, which actually made me feel
slightly better to have my legs pressed so tightly against myself.

"Oh, I got this for you," I said remembering the magazine I had picked up a few

days prior. It was in my nightstand drawer so I could easily reach it from where I
was sitting.

He took it from me and looked a little amused for the first time in weeks.

"Playboy?"

I shrugged. "I thought it would help." Since we weren't getting naked or doing any

kind of foreplay, I figured he may need something to get him going.

He didn't respond, but I noticed him putting the magazine to the side without

giving it a second glance.

"Are you ready?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes," I choked out before lying back but keeping my knees bent where they were.

He slowly moved the blanket off my legs, and I couldn't help but have a flashback

to my last gynecology visit. For a moment I was sitting in the Doctor's office with my
legs in stirrups, waiting to get an exam. It was the only time anyone had ever been
in that area, and I suddenly felt really shy and self-conscious. It was a part of my
body that I had never even cared to explore, so having Edward there was extremely
uncomfortable. Every muscle in my body tensed, but rather than voice my nerves, I
bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from talking.

It was almost dark in the room, but when I saw him unbuttoning his pants I forced

my eyes to look anywhere but there.

- 103 -

"If you want to do this, you're going to have to open your legs," he said gently.

Oh, right. "Sorry," I mumbled before forcing my muscles to relax enough to spread

my legs.

He pushed my long shirt up just enough to get access, and then he moved even

closer so that his thighs were pressed against me.

My heart was beating out of my chest, and I vaguely wondered if it were possible

to pass out from being so scared. But the truth was that it was an entirely different
type of fear than I had when I almost did it with Mike; this fear didn't make me want
to pull away, it was simply the fear of the unknown and being positive that it was
going to change absolutely everything. Our relationship. Our lives. Everything.
Nothing would ever be the same again, and there was no going back.

"Are you sure?" he asked me one more time.

I nodded because I wasn't sure how strong my voice would be at the moment, and

I sure as hell didn't want him to think I was as scared as I was.

He moved again and I felt something touch me there, and then there was

pressure….and it definitely didn't feel good. But then there was more pressure, and
my body somehow found a way to tense even more than it already was. It was like
he was trying to shove something far too big inside of a hole that was practically
nonexistent, and it hurt like hell.