EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION

STRATEGIES IN ROMANTIC HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES

This study investigated the relationships between emotional intelligence (EI) and confl ict resolution stra-
tegies in romantic heterosexual couples. 164 couples solved the Test of Emotional Intelligence (TIE),
a Polish measure based on the ability model of EI, and the Problem-Solving Strategies Inventory (PSSI)
in two versions: self-report and a report of partner’s behavior. We assumed that individuals high in EI
should have superior confl ict resolution skills and engage in active and constructive strategies, avoiding
those characterized as passive and destructive. These hypotheses were supported for women, but not for
men. Females’ EI was consistently positively related to self-report measures of Voice, and negatively
related to self-reports of Neglect. Emotionally intelligent men did not declare use of more constructive
or positive confl ict resolution styles; however, their female partners judged them as more prone to use of
those strategies. The results also revealed a positive assortative mating effect with regard to EI. Additio-
nally, the study demonstrated an interesting disparity between male and female’s reports on relationship
behaviors.

Keywords: Emotional intelligence, couples, confl ict resolution, dyadic design

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65 – 76

PL ISSN 0081–685X

DOI: 10.2478/v10167-010-0041-9

Maciej Stolarski

Faculty of Psychology,

University of Warsaw

Sławomir Postek

Faculty of Psychology,

University of Warsaw

INTRODUCTION

In an age of rapidly accelerating divorce rates

(Barański & Kaczmarek, 2007), the determinants
of relationship satisfaction and marriage stability
are becoming increasingly important research
topics. Investigations aimed at fi nding answers
have already been conducted in the area of
individual differences, such as personality
(Klohnen & Mendelsohn, 1998) and intelligence
(Watkins & Meredith, 1981). In light of the large
amount of data showing an emotional basis
for numerous relationship characteristics (the
account of which we present in detail in the
section below), it seems reasonable to presume
that individual differences in emotional abilities
are indeed responsible for several relationship
qualities. The theory of EI (Mayer & Salovey,

1997) might be applied as a systematic theoretical
framework for continuing such inquiries. In the
present article, we verify the role of EI in within-
couple problem solving strategies.

Emotional intelligence and confl ict in
interpersonal relationships

Emotional intelligence remains a controversial

albeit increasingly popular construct, attracting
the attention of researchers representing a wide
range of subdisciplines of psychology since the
term was introduced in the early nineties by
Peter Salovey and John Mayer (1990). Salovey
and Mayer, in opposition to what is considered
a “mixed model approach” (e.g., Bar-On, 2004),
conceptualized EI as a group of mental abilities
divided into four branches: perceiving emotions,

Magdalena Śmieja

Institute of Psychology,

Jagiellonian University

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Maciej Stolarski, Sławomir Postek, Magdalena Śmieja

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

understanding emotions, using emotions to
facilitate one’s cognitive processes, and steering
emotions (Mayer, Caruso, & Salovey 2000). Since
emotional abilities are an integral part of effective
social interactions, EI has often been linked
with social functioning (e.g., Mayer & Salovey,
1997). Existing data proves the importance of
EI for variables such as self-perceived quality
of interpersonal relationship, social support,
less antagonistic peer relationships, and
communication quality (Lopes, Brackett, Nezlek,
Schütz, Sellin, & Salovey, 2004; Lopes, Salovey,
& Strauss, 2003). Nevertheless, few studies have
linked ability-based EI with quality of romantic
relationships by implementing a dyadic design.
Brackett, Warner, and Bosco (2005) investigated
whether EI is related to self-assessed relationship
quality. They proved that couples in which both
partners ranked low on EI tended to report lower
relationship quality than the couples with at
least one partner ranking high on EI. Zeidner
and Kaluda (2008) reported signifi cant ‘actor
effects’ but no ‘partner effects’ of EI on romantic
love: an individual’s EI had an impact mainly on
their own affective reactions, rather than on their
partner’s reactions. In an unpublished report,
Brackett, Cox, Gaines, and Salovey (2008)
demonstrated that couples in which both partners
ranking high on EI reported higher relationship
quality than those where both partners exhibited
low EI scores, while mismatched couples tended
to fall in the middle. These results support
the hypothesis of an additive effect of EI in
romantic dyads. A recent study by Stolarski and
Postek (2011) revealed a curvilinear, n-shaped
relationship between EI and sexual satisfaction.
This curve reached its peak when EI was slightly
above its average, and then dropped considerably
as EI scores increased.

According to the theory, EI is supposed to

play a vital role in confl ict resolution. High level
of emotional abilities should enable individuals
to see the rationale behind their ‘opponents’’
perspective and understand their goals. Accurate

perception and understanding of other people’s
feelings as well as emotional management
seem to play a crucial role in constructive
confl ict resolution. The relationship between
EI and the preferred style or effi cacy of confl ict
resolution has been verifi ed among Christian
clergy (Gambill, 2008), fi nancial services
managers (Sherman, 2010), public servants in
Nigeria (Salami, 2010), government employees
in Indonesia (Shih & Susanto, 2010), and US
registered nurses (Morrison, 2008), indicating
positive correlations of EI with assertive and
cooperative confl ict modes and negative
correlations with unassertive or uncooperative
modes. Although close relationships are the most
typical settings for the experience of intense
emotions and confl icts, astonishingly few studies
have explored the relationship between EI and
behavior exhibited during interpersonal confl icts.
In one such study Smith, Heaven and Ciarrochi
(2008) demonstrated that the most satisfi ed
couples were those who did not avoid discussion
of relationship problems and who rated their
partners high in EI.

Although several authors proposed theories

of relationship development and/or deterioration
(e.g., Altman & Taylor, 1973; Gottman, Markman,
& Notarius, 1978; Levinger, 1979), the ideas of
Caryl E. Rusbult (Rusbult, Zembrodt, & Gunn,
1982) signifi cantly contributed to contemporary
relationship research, providing a clear and
reasonable framework for investigation of
responses to problems in romantic involvements
and the consequences of those responses. Rusbult
distinguished four main responses to relationship
dissatisfaction or confl ict within a couple: Exit,
Voice, Loyalty, and Neglect. According to Rusbult,
Johnson, and Morrow (1986, p. 745) the response
labeled ‘Exit’ relates to “separating, moving out
of a joint residence, actively [physically] abusing
one’s partner, getting a divorce”, Voice responses
are “discussing problems, compromising, seeking
help from a friend or therapist, suggesting
solutions, changing oneself or one’s partner”,

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Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

Emotional intelligence and confl ict resolution strategies in romantic heterosexual couples

and Loyalty means “waiting and hoping that
things will improve, supporting the partner in
the face of criticism, praying for improvement”.
Finally, Neglect refers to “ignoring the partner
or spending less time together, refusing to
discuss problems, treating the partner badly
[insulting], criticizing the partner for things
unrelated to the real problem, just letting things
fall apart”. These four responses differ from one
another along two dimensions: constructiveness/
destructiveness and activity/passivity (Rusbult
et al., 1986). Voice and Loyalty are considered
constructive responses, as they testify to the fact
that individuals who are ‘Vocal’ and ‘Loyal’
attempt to revive or maintain the relationship,
while Exit and Neglect are relatively destructive.
It is worth mentioning that the constructiveness/
destructiveness dimension refers to the impact
of the response strategy on the relationship, not
the individual. The second dimension, activity/
passivity, refers to the “impact of the response
on the problem at hand, not to the character of
the behavior itself” (p. 745). Exit and Voice are
considered active strategies, as utilizing them
implies ‘doing something with the problem.’
Loyalty and Neglect are situated on the opposite
end of this dimension.

Although problem-solving strategies have

been widely investigated as predictive variables,
infl uencing the within-relationship level of dis-
tress (Rusbult et al., 1986), relationship satisfac-
tion (Kriegelewicz, 2006), and closeness and
intimacy (Overall, Sibley, & Travaglia, 2010),
they have rarely been examined as dependent
variables (e.g., Rusbult, Morrow, & Johnsonden-
nis, 1987). Thus, little is known about the origin
of particular response style formation.

Hypotheses
We expect that (H1) EI is positively related

to Voice - active and constructive problem-
solving strategy, which satisfi es both parties’
needs. This strategy is based on the ability to
accurately perceive and understand one’s own

and partner’s feelings, hence individuals low
on EI should not be able to employ it or at least
should not be able to employ it effectively. High
EI should facilitate Voice. Although Loyalty was
shown to be detrimental to relationships in the
long term (Overall et al., 2010) it may be useful
in the short term, particularly in situations where
there is no possibility to apply the Voice strategy
(e.g., in presence of other people, or when one
prefers to wait for his highly reactive partner’s
emotions to calm down). Thus, we did not
formulate directional predictions with regard to
EI – Loyalty relationships.

Previous research indicates that EI inhib-

its directly negative, destructive behaviors
(e.g. Lopes et al., 2004; Brackett et al., 2008).
Therefore, we presumed that (H2) EI is nega-
tively related to Neglect and Exit. We assumed
that individuals high on EI would not use these
dysfunctional strategies because they know how
damaging it can be to ignore the feelings and
needs expressed by their partners and/or to es-
calate confl icts.

Some studies show that a trait or character-

istic of one partner shapes the way the other
partner behaves in, and experiences, the inter-
action. Powers, Pietromonaco, Gunlicks, &
Sayer (2006) proved, for instance, that the at-
tachment style of one partner infl uences how
the other regulates feelings of distress: men who
had female partners high in attachment secu-
rity showed less physiological stress reactivity
during confl ict. Hence, we assume that the EI
of one partner infl uences the problem-solving
strategies preferred by the other. We expect that
individuals exhibiting higher EI should be able
to ‘manage’ their relationships better, eliciting
more constructive and positive reactions from
their partners in confl ict situations. Therefore,
our next hypothesis (H3) states that problem-
solving strategies are related to partner’s EI,
even after controlling for the actor’s EI. Voice is
positively related to partner’s EI, while Neglect
and Exit – negatively. For reasons already stated

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Maciej Stolarski, Sławomir Postek, Magdalena Śmieja

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

above, we will not formulate predictions regard-
ing the Loyalty strategy.

If EI is indeed a factor determining an

“intelligent” choice of partner, as some would
claim (Amitay & Mongrain, 2007), then we
would expect a positive assortative mating
effect to emerge. Therefore, we also assume
that (H4) both partners’ EI levels are positively
intercorrelated.

METHOD

Participants
The study employed a matched-pairs couples

design (Kenny, Kashy, & Cook, 2006). Subjects
qualifi ed for the study if they had been involved
in an intimate relationship for a minimum of
one year. Participants were 164 heterosexual
Caucasian couples (N = 328 individuals). The
mean age of the participants was 28.4 years (SD
= 10.2); 40% of the couples were married.

Measures
Emotional intelligence. EI was measured

using TIE - the Emotional Intelligence Test
(Śmieja, Orzechowski, & Beauvale, 2007). This
24-item ability test was constructed on the basis
of Mayer and Salovey’s (1997) four-factor model.
Respondents had to read provided descriptions of
social interactions and decide how the protagonists
of each situation feel, select the most effective
mode of conduct, or say which emotions would
facilitate and which would interfere with specifi c
task performance. Similarly to the MSCEIT
(Mayer, Salovey & Caruso, 2002), expert criteria
were employed to determine the correctness of
answers. The TIE responses are scored on four
scales, consistent with Mayer and Salovey’s
(1997) theory: Perception (Cronbach’s α = .70),
Understanding (α = .68), Assimilation (α = .62),
Emotion Management (α = .60) and General
Score (α = .88). TIE is a maximum performance
test, measuring actual emotional abilities that
are usually considered “ability-based EI”, and in

contrast to self-report measures it is independent
of self-esteem processes.

Problem-solving strategies. Participants’

styles of reacting to confl ict were measured using
a scale developed and validated by Kriegelewicz
(2003). Though creation of the Problem-Solving
Strategies Inventory (PSSI) draws inspiration
from a measure developed by Rusbult, Zembrodt,
and Iwaniszek (1986), the questionnaire itself
was in fact built from the scratch. The measure
has four versions: self-report and a report of
perceived partner’s behavior, each for both
women and men. Participants rate the frequency
of 32 behaviors – eight items for each type of
response – on a six-point Likert-type scale (1 =
never; 6 = always). Sample items are: for Loyalty,
“If my partner misbehaves towards me I don’t say
anything and forgive him/her.”; for Voice, “If my
opinion differs from my partner’s, I try to discuss
it with him/her calmly.”; for Neglect, “When I am
angry at my partner I ignore him/her for some
time.”; fi nally, for Exit, “During arguments I
tend to ironically compare my partner to other
people we both know”. It is worth mentioning
that items composing Exit in PSSI refer more
directly to destructive behavior toward the
partner rather than explicit attempts to end the
relationship. Cronbach’s alphas for self-reports
are .82 (Loyalty), .88 (Voice), .87 (Neglect), and
.86 (Exit). These coeffi cients have a value of .85,
.93, .85, and .91, respectively, for perceptions of
partner’s behavior.

Procedure
Couples were tested in home settings. The

PSSI self-report was administered fi rst, followed
by TIE and PSSI – report of perceived partner’s
behavior version. The subjects completed the
measures in the same room, in the presence of an
experimenter who made certain they were not able
to make contact with each other. The response
sheets were sealed in an envelope directly after
the study so that they could be matched after the
data collecting phase.

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Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

Emotional intelligence and confl ict resolution strategies in romantic heterosexual couples

RESULTS

Gender differences in confl ict resolution
strategies
Females scored higher on active problem-

solving scales (both positive and negative),
while males tended to score higher on Loyalty
(see Table 1). With regard to partner perceptions
of problem-solving strategies, women assessed
their male partners more positively (attributing
to them: higher Loyalty, lower Exit and Neglect)
than males did when describing their female
partners’ strategies. Additionally, partners were

consistent in self-reports of problem-solving
strategies, except of Exit. Regarding between-
partner consistency of judgments, we can observe
consistency in the case of Voice and Neglect but
not in the case of Loyalty and Exit.

The differences between self-reports and
partner-assessed confl ict resolution
strategies
Self-reports and partner’s perceptions of

one’s own problem-solving strategies were sig-
nifi cantly correlated in all of the PSSI scales,
with the exception of females’ for Loyalty (see

Table 1 Descriptive statistics, between-group mean comparisons, and Pearson’s between partners correlation
coeffi cients N = 164 couples

Females

Males

M

SD

M

SD

t

g

†

r

Perception

8.05

1.80

7.11

1.88

5.90***

.46

.39***

Understanding

7.47

1.59

6.86

1.54

4.51***

.35

.38***

Assimilation

6.96

1.41

6.55

1.61

3.06**

.24

.34***

Emotion Management

6.64

1.36

5.78

1.45

6.79***

.53

.33***

Total score EI

29.12

5.02

26.29

5.24

7.11***

.56

.51***

Self-reported PSSI

Voice

34.68

7.09

33.42

6.26

2.00*

.16

.28***

Loyalty

24.98

5.24

30.89

4.67

-11.59***

-.90

.13*

Exit

22.49

6.76

20.57

5.75

2.93**

.23

.10

Neglect

23.30

7.31

22.04

6.27

1.81

.14

.15*

Partner-perceived PSSI

Voice

30.85

6.99

32.08

7.76

-1.57

-.12

.08

Loyalty

28.48

5.28

30.34

5.74

-3.34**

-.26

.16*

Exit

23.28

7.40

21.55

7.59

2.34*

.20

.21**

Neglect

24.65

6.99

20.86

8.18

4.59**

.40

.03

Note. The dependent t tests are paired samples comparisons of female versus male means, df = 163. The t-tests
were two-tailed, while the r-Pearson correlations were one-tailed.

†

Hedges’ g - an effect size measure. The method of calculating effect size for dependent samples is based on a

work by King and Minium (2003).
* p < .05. ** p < .01. *** p < .001.

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Maciej Stolarski, Sławomir Postek, Magdalena Śmieja

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

Table 2). However, these correlations were not
particularly strong, suggesting a low level of cor-
respondence between self-reports and partners
perceptions. In order to obtain a more precise
assessment of relationships between self reports
and partners’ perceptions, we conducted t-test
comparisons between self-descriptions and judg-
ments provided by partners (separately for men
and women). As we can see, (Table 2), male part-
ners’ self-reports and their female counterparts’
assessments did not differ at all. As for women,
they were seen by their partners as employing
Loyalty and Neglect strategies more often than
they had reported themselves. Male partners
tended to underestimate how often their female
counterparts’ employed Voice in comparison to
the females’ self-reports.

Emotional Intelligence and problem
solving strategies
Females scored higher than males in both

branch scores and total score of TIE (see Table 3),

which is consistent with the data obtained across
available literature (e.g., Van Rooy, Alonso, &
Viswesvaran, 2005). The correlation analyses
revealed that EI is much stronger and more
consistently related to women’s estimation of
problem-solving strategies, regardless of whether
we consider self-reports or the estimations of their
male partners. In concordance with Hypothesis
1, women’s EI was consistently (all branches and
total score) and positively related to their own
reports of Voice, which confi rms that emotional
abilities facilitate or enable more positive and
active problem-solving. This relationship was not
found among men. As expected by Hypothesis
2, females’ EI was negatively related to their
self-reports of Neglect and Exit. Again, similar
effects did not appear in male participants: their
self-perceived confl ict resolution styles were
independent of their EI. Interestingly, female
partners’ estimates of a male partner confl ict
resolution style were signifi cantly related to
the partner’s EI. In other words, emotionally

Table 2 Mean comparisons, effect size estimations and correlation coeffi cients between self-reports and part-
ner-perceived problem solving strategies, N = 164 couples

Self-report

Partner-perce-
ived

M

SD

M

SD

t

g

r

Female’s PSSI

Voice

34.68

7.09

30.85

6.99

5.52***

0,43

.20**

Loyalty

24.98

5.24

28.48

5.28

-6.14***

-0,48

.04

Exit

22.49

6.76

23.28

7.40

-1.15

-0,09

.23**

Neglect

23.30

7.31

24.65

6.99

-1.97*

-0,15

.24**

Male’s PSSI

Voice

33.42

6.26

32.08

7.76

1.89

0,15

.17*

Loyalty

30.89

4.67

30.34

5.74

1.08

0,08

.23**

Exit

20.57

5.75

21.55

7.59

-1.48

-0,12

.20**

Neglect

22.04

6.27

20.86

8.18

1.63

0,13

.21**

Note. The dependent t tests are paired samples comparisons of self-reported versus partner-perceived problem-
solving strategies, df = 163. The t-tests were two-tailed, while the r-Pearson correlations were one-tailed.
* p < .05. ** p < .01. *** p < .001.

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Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

Emotional intelligence and confl ict resolution strategies in romantic heterosexual couples

intelligent men did not declare using more
constructive or positive confl ict resolution styles,
but their female partners judged them as being
prone to doing so.

High-EI women tend to use Voice and perceive

their partner as more loyal. These tendencies
were not confi rmed in men’s estimations: the
partners of high EI women neither reported
higher Loyalty nor assessed their female partners
as more inclined to use Voice. Additionally,
high-EI women judged their partners as more

predisposed to use Voice, which again was not
confi rmed in men’s self-reports.

No signifi cant actor effects were found for

women’s EI on their self-reported and partner-
estimated loyalty. With regard to male’s EI,
only assimilation of emotion proved signifi cant
for problem solving, enhancing both one’s own
Voice and Loyalty (actor effects) and female
partner’s self-reported Voice.

Our third hypothesis stated that partners of

individuals who demonstrate higher EI should use

Table 3 Correlation matrix between both partners’ EI and their problem-solving strategies, both self-reported
and partner-perceived. N = 164 couples

Female’s EI

Male’s EI

Perc

Under

Assim

Manag

Total

Perc

Under

Assim

Manag

Total

Female’s PSSI
Self-reported
Voice

.28***

.22**

.17*

.29***

.30***

.10

.13

.26**

.20**

.21**

Loyalty

.07

.02

.03

-.06

.02

-.06

.01

.03

.07

.01

Exit

-.20**

-.19**

-.14*

-.20**

-.23**

-.21**

-.24**

-.19**

-.23**

-.27***

Neglect

-.30***

-.20**

-.23**

-.28***

-.31***

-.32***

-.24**

-.29***

-.27***

-.35***

Partner-
estimated

Voice

.07

.09

.05

-.05

.05

.08

.02

.02

-.15*

†

-.01

Loyalty

.09

.10

.08

-.02

.08

.13*

.07

.00

-.05

.05

Exit

-.07

-.16*

-.15*

.00

-.12

-.08

-.13

.02

.08

†

-.04

Neglect

-.10

-.11

-.08

-.03

-.10

.01

-.01

.00

.09

†

.02

Male’s PSSI
Self-reported
Voice

.06

-.04

.09

.00

.03

.09

.01

.15*

-.05

.07

Loyalty

.08

-.01

.04

.05

.05

.07

-.02

.14*

.08

.08

Exit

-.01

.03

-.07

-.06

-.03

.01

-.02

-.03

.06

.01

Neglect

-.15*

-.09

-.22**

-.15*

-.18**

-.07

-.10

-.11

-.03

-.09

Partner-
estimated

Voice

.16*

.16*

.09

.18*

.18*

.03

.12

.15*

.10

.12

Loyalty

.27***

.27***

.18*

.27***

.30***

.07

.12

.16*

.16*

.15*

Exit

-.28***

-.29***

-.18*

-.31***

-.33***

-.15*

-.13*

-.17*

-.19**

-.20**

Neglect

-.28***

-.31***

-.19*

-.24**

-.31***

-.22**

-.18*

-.25**

-.17*

-.26**

Note. Perc – Perception of emotion, Under – Understanding of emotion, Assim – Assimilation of emotion,

Manag – Emotional management, Total – Total EI score. Actor effects are shadowed in grey, partner effects are

left on a white background.

* p < .05, ** p < .01, *** p < .001 (onetailed).

†

signifi cant correlation, but in opposite direction to predicted, thus we cannot acknowledge their signifi cance

while onetailed correlations were applied.

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Maciej Stolarski, Sławomir Postek, Magdalena Śmieja

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

more constrictive and positive confl ict resolution
strategies. From the female participants’ point of
view this really was the case: the higher the EI of
the woman, the more constructive and positive
are, in her opinion, the confl ict-resolution styles
employed by her partner. When we look at the
data from the male self-report, this effect fades
– partners of emotionally intelligent women
concede only to less frequent usage of Neglect.
With respect to male EI, the situation is analogical.
There is a signifi cant relationship between the EI
of men and the styles of confl ict resolution their
female partners employ: the higher EI of the man,
the more frequently his partner uses Voice and
the less frequently – Exit and Neglect. However,
these results were obtained while analyzing
female self-reports. When we looked at how
men perceive their partners, the effect disappears
again. Men high in emotional intelligence did not
assess their partners as more constructive and/or
positive in confl icts.

Finally, correlation analyses fully confi rmed

hypothesis 4, which predicted a positive
assortative mating effect with regard to EI
(see Table 1). Results obtained in the previous
matched-couple study in which TIE was used
(Stolarski & Postek, 2011) proved replicable,
therefore providing further evidence for the claim
that people tend to choose a partner with similar
emotional abilities.

DISCUSSION

This study attempted to investigate how

emotional intelligence affects the use of specifi c
confl

ict solving strategies in couples. We

assumed that individuals high in EI should have
superior confl ict resolution skills and engage in
strategies in which emotions are respected and
controlled. In the course of statistical analyses
most of our initial hypotheses were confi rmed.
In accordance with hypothesis 1, we found that
emotional abilities indeed play a signifi cant
role in positive and active problem-solving (but

only in women). In men, only the assimilation
branch showed consistent relationships with that
strategy. With regard to Neglect, the results were
similar: female’s EI was related to less frequent
usage of the strategy, while male’s records did not
show a signifi cant relationship. Generally, if we
had conducted our analyses on the data obtained
solely from women, all of the hypotheses would
have been supported; if we had done the opposite
– almost none. There are at least two possible
explanations for this phenomenon. First, it is
possible that EI affects confl ict resolution styles
only in women, while in men emotional abilities
are not related to their interpersonal behavior. It
would mean that gender is a moderating variable
that moderates the association between EI and
confl ict resolution style. A second explanation
could be that EI infl uences confl ict resolution
styles of both genders, but only women can
recognize it. That would indicate that women are
better in judging their partner’s confl ict resolution
styles, because EI in our study was measured by
an ability test and not by a self-assessment tool.
If the fi rst interpretation is more accurate, we
should have discovered a signifi cant correlation
between female EI and confl ict resolution style,
both in self-reports and assessments made by
partners. Furthermore, no signifi cant relationships
between male EI and confl ict resolution style
should be found again in self-reports and
partners’ assessments. However, we did not fi nd
anything like that. A potential, albeit perhaps
too far-fetched alternative explanation for this
puzzling effect is that women see things that are
invisible to men. If we assume this is the case,
another question arises: does it mean that they are
more accurate and realistic in understanding the
partner’s actual qualities, or are their perceptions
biased? Our fi ndings show that male partners’
self-reports of confl ict resolution strategies and
their female counterparts assessments do not
differ at any signifi cant level. It means that there
is no general tendency among women to idealize
their male partner. But the more emotionally

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73

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

Emotional intelligence and confl ict resolution strategies in romantic heterosexual couples

intelligent a man is, the more positively his
confl ict style is assessed by women. It proves that
the women’s assessments are anchored in reality
– men who possess emotional abilities are judged
as more loyal and less prone to neglect or exit
the relationship. Smith, Ciarrochi and Heaven
(2008) identifi ed a similar effect in relation to
confl ict communication patterns. They found
that decreases in female and male relationship
satisfaction were predicted only by women’s (and
not men’s) reports of avoidance and withholding
communication. In fact, the majority of research
proves that women posses more relationship
awareness than men do (Bradbury & Karney,
2010). Women form more differentiated and
complex cognitive representation of relationships
events. They remember prior intimate experiences
with more vividness, in more detail, and with
greater accuracy (Holmberg & Holmes, 1994).
Due to their greater relationship awareness, they
can see connections among events that are not
observable by men. For example, divorcing men
are eight to 10 times more likely than their wives
to say that they do not know why their marriage
ended (Kitson, 1992). Our fi ndings seem to be
in line with this previous work, suggesting that
female participants of the current study were
not biased, but more conscious of their partner’s
behaviors.

Moreover, our research shows that the more

emotionally intelligent a woman is, the more
favorably she perceives her partner. This fi nding
suggests that emotionally intelligent women
develop more generous and idealized images
of their signifi cant others. Research on these
types of positive illusions (Murray, Holmes, &
Griffi n, 2003) shows that, over the longer term,
it has positive consequences. Partners who
sustain positive illusions report less confl ict and
greater satisfaction in their relationship (Murray,
Holmes, & Griffi n, 1996). What is more, positive
illusions have also a self-fulfi lling effect: over
the year, romantic partners see the same virtues
in themselves as their partner initially perceived

in them. Our results imply that the high EI of
a woman increases her tendency to maintain
positive illusions. In summation, the fact that
women recognize their emotionally intelligent
partners as more positive and constructive in
confl icts is a refl ection of those partners’ actual
qualities (not all men are judged so favorably) and
also their own EI, which amplifi es the tendency
to idealize their partner.

Through employing a matched-pair couples

design, we were able to discover some interesting
additional results. The current study shows that
men perceive women as less ‘active’ than they
recognize themselves (Voice strategy was reported
by men to be used less often by women than in
women’s self-reports). Do men overestimate
their female partners’ tendency to behave in a
‘passive’ way, or, conversely, do women show
the tendency to report less ‘passive’ behaviors
than they actually exhibit? One readily available
explanation for this is that women are and feel (even
if only unconsciously) expected to be the ‘caring’
part of a relationship, responsible for its course,
solving problems, and maintaining attachment.
Previous work (Christensen & Heavey, 1990;
Denton & Burleson, 2007) indicates that women
are indeed more likely to raise relationship
concerns and to guide discussions about areas
of disagreement. When a relationship problem
appears, men are less likely than women to
engage in effectively solving the problem (Miller
& Perlman, 2009), while women tend to be the
initiators of discussions (Ball, Cowan & Cowan,
1995). This tendency also emerged in our study.
As we noted before, resolution strategies applied
in confl ict by emotionally intelligent men have
been favorably assessed by their female partners.
However, a closer look at that data reveals that
in fact male counterparts were judged as less
actively destructive (Exit and Neglect) and more
passively constrictive (Loyalty) than actively
constructive (Voice). In light of these fi ndings,
female self-reports in our study seem more
reliable than their partner-assessments. Why

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74

Maciej Stolarski, Sławomir Postek, Magdalena Śmieja

Studia Psychologiczne, t. 49 (2011), z. 5, s. 65–76

then would men tend to describe women as less
‘active’? One possible explanation is that they
hold higher expectations in this area. Gender
role norms state that men need not engage as
actively in the confl ict discussion (Powers et
al., 2006). Usually, girls are encouraged to
be communal and expressive, while boys are
expected to be independent and autonomous.
Hence, men may assume that women should be
the ‘emotional experts’ in a relationship, and it is
diffi cult for women to meet those expectations.
Another reason for men to describe women as
more ‘passive’ is they are on alert for signs of
passiveness from their partners.

Conclusions
Our study proves that women use more ac-

tive strategies of confl ict-resolution and reveal
stronger tendencies to perceive their partner in a
positive light. These fi ndings are consistent with
previous evidence on female patterns of rela-
tionship behavior. An additional strength of the
current study is fi nding a signifi cant moderating
role of EI in that processes. As we demonstrated
above, emotionally intelligent women use more
active and constructive styles of confl ict resolu-
tion and perceive their partners as behaving in
a similarly positive way. Emotionally intelligent
men tend to have partners who use more active
and positive strategies, and who appreciates their
confl ict-resolution abilities. Unfortunately, they
can’t see it.

Limitations and future directions
The vast majority of empirical work in the

domain of individual differences in relationships
is based on self-reports. An undeniable advantage
of our study is use of an objective ability
measure of EI. As a result, we did not correlate
two tests based on self-esteem and avoided all
the interpretational problems this methodology
usually brings about. It has to be emphasized
that our sample was larger than in analogical
studies (e.g., Brackett et al., 2005; Zeidner &

Kaluda, 2008), which makes the present study
more reliable. Moreover, the fact that both self-
and partner-reports were applied strengthens the
objectiveness of this study.

Despite those considerable strengths, it is im-

portant to be aware of several limitations. One
limitation is that our research was focused on
young couples, and we do not know whether
obtained fi ndings would be analogical for older
couples in longer, more committed relationships.
Moreover, few post-hoc formulated hypotheses
(particularly the one about higher women’s ef-
fi ciency in perceiving male partners’ behaviors)
seem very diffi cult to verify empirically. One of
the possible solutions that seem interesting and
could be applied in further studies amounts to us-
ing an external observer’s judgment (e.g., couple
therapist). Such a procedure would fi nally re-
solve the issue whether men or women are biased
in their perceptions of their partner’s behavior.

It would be valuable to replicate the current

fi ndings in a diary study. By using PSSI, we base
our data on declarations which are susceptible to
biases caused by motivation and active memory
reconstruction processes. Regular and precise
reports from diaries might be a better source of
that kind of information.

Whether the infl uence of EI levels on confl ict

resolution strategies is additive, coincidental,
compensatory, or multiplicative in character
remains to be tested, as does the mediating role
of confl ict resolution patterns between EI and
relationship satisfaction. Other interesting idea
for further research is to verify whether training
programs developing emotional abilities (e.g.,
Nelis, Quoidbach, Mikolajczak & Hansenne,
2009) would result in more adaptive confl ict
resolution in couples.

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