Disjointed by Simone and Marie

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6612804/1/

Chapter 1 - Jasper

A party.

A drink. No, a few drinks.

A cross word. A few cross words.

A disagreement.

Some tears.

A plea.

A sigh.

A shake of the head.

History repeating.

Sobs and tears on my shirt.

A soothing kiss on a head.

A short run.

A group of three chasing after our fourth.

The slam of doors.

The start of an engine.

The screech of wheels.

"Edward, slow down."

"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing."

"No, you don't. You're... you're not concentrating. You need to slow down,
please."

"Bella, relax. I'm in control."

A worried look.

A pair of clenched fists.

A squeezing of my arm.

A calm voice.

"Edward, I think you should pull over."

A laugh. "I'm fine. You guys just worry too much."

"How much have you had?"

"Not that much. I'm totally in control."

The switch of the radio.

The blast of loud music.

The downpour of rain, pelting against the window.

Another worried look.

Another exasperated sigh.

The unclicking of a buckle.

"Edward, I really think you should pull over and let me drive."

"Jasper, you fucking worry too much."

The turn of a head.

"I've got this under control. I'm fine."

A gasp.

A scream.

A blinding light.

"Edward!"

The skidding of tires.

"Edward, WATCH OUT! EDWARD, OH MY..."

A flash of images from the past.

Newborn, toddler, preschool.

Freshman, sophomore, junior.

A flash of images from the future.

Graduation, first job, promotion.

Girlfriend, fiance, wife, children.

Happy ever...

Pain.

Nothing.

Chapter 2 - Jacob

"Jake, please give us your account of this evening's activities, and please speak
loudly into the microphone."

I adjusted myself in the chair before leaning closer to the tape recorder that was
staring at me. I didn't even know where to start, but I knew where it all would
end.

"I... uh... I asked-invited Bella and Alice out to my place for a party. I thought
the girls were lonely and, uh, needed some company. The guys, Edward and
Jasper, they were... um, gone... school... and... Sorry."

I picked up the glass of water that sat to my side, downing the whole thing.

"I like Bella, always have. So, when Edward left, I started to hang out with her
more. I secretly hoped she would see me for what I could offer, but she only saw
me as a friend. Edward knows how I feel, and, if he would have just trusted Bella,
none of this would have happened... Oh, God.

They arrived, the four of them. We were all drinking and having fun. I was so
stupid. I started egging Edward on about Bella, just saying some stupid shit. I
told him how I was better for her, and, that with him in Seattle, she was free
game.

I knew Bella would never leave him, but I couldn't resist pissing him off, either.
Bella came over and broke us up, but they started fighting. Edward was yelling
and screaming at her, and, each time she tried to walk away, he'd pull her back
to him. Jasper finally came over and pulled Bella away. I just sat there like an
idiot. I should have gone over and fixed the mess. Edward went to the keg and
started drinking, and Alice was trying to get him to stop.

When Jasper came up to me, I thought he wanted to talk, but I chuckled and
shook my head when I saw that his shirt was all wet... wet from Bella crying. It
pissed me off that she cried over Edward like this. Jasper took one swing and
popped me in the jaw and told me to stay the fuck away from his sister.

Edward came up behind Jasper and told him that they were leaving. "Done with
the trash," he said. They all walked to the car, and Edward got into the driver's

seat with Bella asking for the keys, but I heard him say he was fine and didn't
drink that much.

I ran... I ran fast when I heard the screeching... but... I...

I was too late."

Chapter 3 - Alice

They say...

That my name is Mary Alice Brandon.

They say...

That I am eighteen years old.

They say...

That I love to shop.

They say...

That I used to have a boyfriend.

They say...

That my best friend lives across the street.

They say...

That I have retrograde amnesia with declarative memory loss.

I know...

That high school doesn't make sense.

I know...

That people stare and whisper when I walk by.

I know...

That I want to talk to the brown-haired girl, but I don't know what to say.

I know...

My mom cries herself to sleep at night when I can't answer a question.

I know...

That my memory fails me when I need it the most.

I know...

That I am not whole.

I see...

The boy in the photo.

I see...

The photo with the boy, and he is kissing me.

I see...

Memories that do not belong to me.

I see...

The brown-haired girl who cries when she looks at me.

I see...

A room that I'm told is mine, but I don't remember.

I wish...

That this all made sense.

I wish...

I knew the boy in the photo.

I wish...

The brown-haired girl wouldn't cry when she sees me.

I wish...

I could understand everything my mom talks to me about.

I wish...

My life was my own.

I wish...

I remembered...

Chapter 4 - Charlie

Once upon a time, there was a Princess who lived a happy life. She had a father
and mother who loved her. She had a brother who doted on her. She had friends
who saw her every day. They would laugh and sing and shop and be little
princesses together.

All the King wanted for his daughter was to be happy, to be loved, to be
respected and to grow up into a beautiful woman with no troubles in the world.
The King wanted to be happy, too. He and his Queen wanted nothing more for
their family than to live happily ever after.

Their first born, the Prince, would carry on the family name after the King had
passed, taking his place on the throne, loving and protecting the ladies of the
family.

And, of course, their Princess would court many suitable gentlemen before finding
the one she wanted to marry.

Then, one day, the Princess met a boy, one who she claimed was her Prince
Charming. He was handsome and tall and gentlemanly. He had a good
upbringing. He studied hard. He was everything the Princess wished for.

Only this Prince Charming wasn't everything the King wished for.

Because this Prince Charming ruined the King's life. He destroyed the King's
family.

Because of this Prince Charming, the King's son is dead.

Because of this Prince Charming, the King's wife has left him.

Because of this Prince Charming, the King's daughter cries herself to sleep every
night. She walks around in a daze during the day. She doesn't speak to anyone.
She doesn't smile anymore. She doesn't laugh anymore.

Because of this Prince Charming, the King will never get his "happy ever after."

And because of that... this Prince Charming is going to pay.

Chapter 5 - Emmett

My "roommate" is a freak.

There is no polite way of saying it. He's a fucking freak.

All he does is sit and stare. And when he's not staring, he's writing. Countless and
countless of letters. Does he not know by now that whatever poetic verses he
writes on his paper are not the final versions that reach its destination?

He's a fool. And he's a freak.

I tried talking to him once when he first got here. That was a mistake. Between
one word answers, scowls and silence, my attempts to make a "friend" fell on
deaf ears.

So, now, I keep myself to myself, and he keeps himself to himself. That doesn't
mean I don't have his back, because I do. He may be a freak, but he is my freak,
and, for some reason, I'm protective over him. James, Tyler, and Sam know
better than to mess with him when I'm around. They tried it once, in the early
days, but, since I stepped in, they've kept their distance.

Thing about my "roommate" is he thinks I don't know what happened, but I do. I
hear the whispers around this joint. I listen to what my girl tells me when she
comes and visits. And, above all, I hear the nightmares that he has every single
night.

I know about Bella and Alice and Jasper. I know that Bella is - was - his girlfriend,
the love of his life. I know that Jasper is - was - his best friend and that Alice is -
was - Jasper's girlfriend.

I know the pain he puts himself through. I hear it. The cries. The screaming. The
gasping. I know it all.

Thing is if he doesn't seek help - and quickly - he's going to become too
desperate to do anything to help himself, and the consequences will be severe.

And because I like this kid - for reasons I don't even understand - I feel I've got
to do something about it.

So I'm telling you, the people in charge here, to do something about it.

My name is Emmett McCarty.

My cellmate is Edward Cullen. He injured his girlfriend, Bella Whitlock-Swan, and
her best friend, Alice Brandon, in a car accident. He also killed his best friend and
Bella's brother, Jasper Whitlock-Swan, in that same accident. He was driving
under the influence of alcohol and, by all accounts, was well over the limit.

He's serving time for manslaughter.

And he's well on his way to killing himself if someone doesn't help him.

Chapter 6 - Bella

My head hurts.

My hair is missing. They say it will grow back, but I'm not patient. My once long
hair is now cut short. A mullet. Something my father wore back in the day.

Moving is difficult. With each step, there is pain and heartache.

On the mantle, I see his smile. I miss his smile. Next to him... he stands. I want
to miss him, too, but I can't. It's not right. It's not allowed.

My eyes find his smile again. He is happy in this photo. He is missed. I can only
remember him through this picture. When I close my eyes, I see glass. With the
glass comes screaming. Screaming brings pain. My eyes open.

I wish for sleep, but there is none.

My life - it is not mine.

I close my eyes...

"It's time."

"No, he can recover."

"I'm sorry. We've done everything we could. The machine is allowing him to live.
Sir, he will not wake up."

Walking slowly over, his hand reaches for the switch.

I jolt awake. Looking at the clock… Ten minutes have passed.

I see his eyes again. I long for his touch. I remember his voice. I dream of a
happier time.

The ache in my leg. It gets worse when I don't rest.

His dad said I would heal. I will never be whole again.

There is too much missing.

My friend… she doesn't remember me.

My brother… gone.

My lover… unreachable.

My dad refers to him as evil, as the devil. He says things that hurt me.

He has hurt me. Indefinitely. There is no fix.

I need him.

I miss him.

I unfold the paper…

Chapter 7 - Edward

Dear Bella,

I don't...

I can't...

I want...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Please. Please.

Talk to me. Shout at me. Yell and scream and fight.

Please?

Come and visit me.

I need you. I have so much to say. So much for you to hear.

So much forgiveness to beg for.

Tell me you hate me. Tell me you wish it was me. Tell me you want us to trade
places. Tell me you want me to feel the pain and the hurt and the loss. Tell me
you want me to burn in hell. Tell me you want to push the button, pull the
trigger.

Tell me you want me to die.

Just...

Tell me something. Anything.

I'm not worthy of hearing your words.

But I pray that one day you will say them to me anyway.

Edward

/D\\

The smell makes me gag. It turns my stomach. I hate it. It haunts me. I can
smell it on me. On my clothes. In my hair. On my skin. It's every-fucking-where.
In my brain. In my heart. In my soul.

I long for the day when I can smell fresh air again. When the staleness and the
dampness and the filth is left behind.

My roommate drives me to insanity. I see him watching me. I see his eyes, the
curiosity in them. I see the pity. He thinks he knows what happened. He thinks
that his blond-haired, blue-eyed girlfriend has told him everything.

He knows jack shit.

He thinks his words of wisdom are helping. They aren't.

Nobody knows anything. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody knows except
for me. And her.

Nobody knows about the regret that floods my body day in, day out. Nobody
knows how much I wish I could turn back time and go back to that fateful day
when all of our lives changed.

Jasper is - was - my best friend. He was my buddy. Not just her brother. He was
my friend.

I killed him. It was my driving. My pigheadedness. My temper. My cockiness. My
drinking.

They all killed him.

Alice is - was - Jasper's girlfriend. Bella's best friend. Because of me, Alice will
never remember how happy she was with Jasper. She won't remember much he
loved her. She won't know that he was going to marry her and spend the rest of
his life with her. I took that away from her. I stole those memories.

Bella is - was - my girlfriend. The love of my life. And I ruined that. I took away
her brother. I took away her best friend. I took away her happiness. None of it
was mine to take.

I deserve everything that's thrown at me.

I deserve to be in this jail.

I deserve to be rejected by the group of people that I used to call my friends.

I deserve to be disowned by my family.

I deserve to rot in hell.

And, above all, I deserve for Bella to hate me.

I hate me. I hate my life. I hate living.

I should be where Jasper is now.

I had everything I ever wanted. The beautiful girl. The happy family. The loyal
friends.

I threw it all away.

I deserve everything I get.

I am not worthy of this life.

Disjointed: disconnected, incoherent, to come apart.

"A love that is so powerful has the ability to destroy what is around you."

Chapter 8 – Jasper: Aftermath

A body in limbo.

A non-beating heart breaking.

Tears that I can't cry.

Words that I can't whisper.

Promises that I can't keep.

Proposals that I can't make.

Hands that I can't feel.

Legs that I can't feel.

A body that I can't feel.

A machine that was beeping.

A machine that was breathing.

A button that was switched off.

A father with a destroyed soul.

A mother who is absent.

A sister with no one to depend on.

A girlfriend with no memories.

A best friend rotting in jail.

Anger building inside of me.

Frustration building inside me.

Sadness building inside me.

A life that is no longer mine.

Images of the past stay with me.

Newborn, toddler, preschool.

Freshman, sophomore, junior.

Images of a future I will never have.

Proposing to Alice.

Marrying Alice.

Making love to Alice.

Having children with Alice.

Growing old with Alice.

A life with Alice.

An image of the sister I adore.

An image of the mother I miss.

An image of the father I respect.

An image of the girl I love.

An image of the boy I hate.

An image of the boy I forgive...

Chapter 9 – Jacob: Aftermath

"Good afternoon. My name is Jacob Black. Most people you meet at assemblies
like this add 'And I'm an alcoholic' or 'I'm a drug user,' but those are words I
can't say.

Six months ago, I hosted a party down at the beach. I invited all of my friends,
and they invited theirs. I even extended an invitation to these two girls I know.
Their boyfriends were away at college, and I didn't want them to be lonely over
the holiday. I can even admit that I had a small crush on one of them, but I knew
she was in love with her guy.

So, it's party day. The bonfire is going, and the booze is being passed around. We
are all having a great time when these two girls show up with their boyfriends in
tow. It seems the guys decided to come home for the long weekend, and the girls
brought them along. I was hurt and tipsy. In my mind, with the boyfriend gone, I
thought I stood a chance at least at wooing the girl. I thought that maybe I had
something that he didn't, and she'd take a second look at her life before running
off to follow him.

This girl's boyfriend… Yeah, he didn't like me much. In fact, he down right hated
me. He knew I wanted his girl, and I knew that it pissed him off that he was
there. He tried to play nice for the sake of his girl, but, inside, he was stewing,
and I didn't help matters. I flirted, I touched her arm, and I played with her hair.
I brought her drinks and told her jokes. I made her laugh.

He drank and argued with me. He drank and argued with her. He got angry. He
was pissed off. I egged him on. I didn't care. I didn't care because watching them
fight was points. I didn't care, because seeing him unhappy with her only added
fuel to my desire of winning her affection. I didn't care, because I'm selfish.

I started caring when he grabbed her arm and pulled her to his car. I started
caring when I saw him yelling at her while she was sitting in the passenger seat.
I started caring when she looked at me with such disgust and hatred for causing
the fight. I started caring when I saw him peel out of the parking lot.

I broke when I heard the tires of a car screeching. I broke when I heard the
metal of the car hit the tree. I broke when I heard the screaming.

I ran down the road to help, but I was too late. You see, when I got there, there
was blood everywhere. And those two girls that I invited? Well, you couldn't see
their faces, because one was bent over and the other... Her head had gone
through the window, and her pretty face was covered with blood. Her boyfriend,
the one I didn't talk about because he just hung out and had a good time, was
thrown from the car.

That day, my friends, life changed forever. So, now I stand here, not to preach
about drinking and driving, because I can tell by the looks on your faces as you
watch the pictures appear on the screen that you get that gist. What I can tell
you is that your actions can influence others.

I carry guilt with me every day. I carry the knowledge of knowing that, if I would
have just let those two be, the girl I wanted would still have her brother, and
she'd be happily in love with her boyfriend. Her best friend would have her
memory and her boyfriend, but that was all taken away.

So I'm here to tell you that your actions have reactions, and those reactions have
consequences. Regardless of the outcome, you will always lose."

Chapter 10 – Alice: Aftermath

I knocked on the brown-haired girl's door and waited.

When she opened the door, she motioned for me to follow her. I looked around
and noticed that I'm in a lot of the pictures that sit on the mantle and hang on
the wall. I'm with her and the boy.

I sat down and gathered what courage I had.

"They say that my name is Mary Alice Brandon."

"Hi, Alice. I'm Bella."

I smiled.

"They say that I am eighteen years old."

"You are."

"They say that I love to shop."

"You love to shop. Every other day, we were always at the mall."

"They say that I used to have a boyfriend."

The brown-haired girl known as Bella doesn't answer but wipes a tear from her
cheek.

"They say that my best friend lives across the street. Are you my best friend?"

"I am."

"My mom cries herself to sleep at night when I can't answer a question, but she
doesn't answer any of mine. Will you?"

Bella nodded.

"My memory fails me when I need it the most. I feel like there is something
missing, and I think it is the boy."

Bella nodded and wiped more tears.

"How long has it been?"

"Just over six months."

"Who is the boy? Does he live here?"

Bella shook her head. "He's my brother, but he doesn't live here anymore."

"Why do you cry when you look at me?"

"Because it hurts. It all hurts."

"I can't remember."

"Sometimes I think that is better than knowing, because knowing doesn't get any
better."

"I have pictures of your brother kissing me. Does he love me?"

Bella let out a sob and nodded. "So much, Alice. Jasper loved you so much. He
wanted to be with you forever."

"Where is he? Doesn't he want to love me now?"

"He died, Alice."

"How?"

"Same accident that took your memories."

"Did Jasper do this to me?"

Bella shook her head. "We went to a party, and we were drinking. Then there was
an accident."

"What kind of accident?"

"A car accident. We hit a tree, and Jasper was thrown from the car."

"Who was driving?"

"Edward."

"Who is Edward?"

"He was Jasper's best friend and my boyfriend."

"Did he die, too?"

"No."

"Did he lose his memory?"

"No."

"Did you?"

"No?"

"Just me and Jasper have lost everything?"

"I lost my brother, my best friend, and my boyfriend. My parents are divorcing,
and my mom is gone. My dad just works and doesn't speak to me anymore. We
all lost."

"But I lost the most."

"You can't say that, Alice."

I want...

To remember my life.

I want...

To remember Jasper.

I want...

Someone to pay for taking him away from me.

I want...

My life back.

Chapter 11 – Charlie: Aftermath

The King felt like his life was no longer his own. The days came and went, people
came and went, words of comfort and sorrow came and went. Yet the King
carried on without being able to acknowledge his existence.

He was surviving but not living.

The day the Prince died, and was so cruelly taken from the Kingdom before his
time, was the day the King began his downfall.

His once loyal employees fell away from his side as the King slowly stopped
communicating with them.

His once loyal Queen had severed all contact completely, only carrying out her
duty to their last remaining child when she needed to.

His once loyal and loving daughter stopped talking to him when he started talking
about revenge.

The King was frustrated that no one seemed to care about him. No one seemed
to worry about how he was dealing with everything. He was the King. He could
cope. He could still guide them. He would still advise them. He was still capable of
separating his personal problems with running the Kingdom.

Except the King was falling apart before their eyes. All he wanted was for his
family to go back to the way it was. He wanted to return home to the Queen. He
wanted to share his sporting knowledge with the Prince. He wanted to be
protective over the Princess.

But, as much as he wanted it, he could never have it. And, as far as the King was
concerned, there was only one reason why.

An action that was fueled by alcohol. A decision that was laced with idiocy. A
verdict that should have brought justice to the King but only left him bitter and
empty.

Prince Charming did not only kill his son.

Prince Charming did not only turn the King's wife against him.

Prince Charming did not only take his daughter.

Prince Charming stole his life.

Chapter 12 – Emmett: Aftermath

When I was younger, my Ma always used to quote well-known sayings to me. I
think she thought if she told me off using these kind of adages, it would sink in
quicker. One of them was "You never know what you've got til it's gone."

Sharing a cell with Edward Cullen has made me realize how true that is.

He finally started speaking to me. Okay, I'll admit it was on a day when he had
seven shades of shit kicked out of him by James and his crew. Trust that shit to
kick off the day I met with my parole officer. Cullen looked a fucking mess, his
pretty little face all screwed up.

It was later that night when he started to talk.

"I was drunk."

"I know."

"I killed my best friend."

"I know."

"She hates me."

"She doesn't."

"I want her to come and visit me."

"So ask her."

"She won't do it."

That's all he said. I didn't push him for anything else.

Since he's been here, I've learned things about Edward Cullen. I've learned that
he likes to draw. I've learned that he likes to drink. I've learned that Jackie D is
his favorite tipple. I've learned that he hates being told what to do. I've learned
that he was well over the limit on the night in question. I've learned that he has
nightmares about that night ever since. I've learned that he wishes it was him
that died. I've learned that he loves Bella Whitlock-Swan with all his heart. I've
learned that all he wants out of this fucking shitty situation is for Bella to forgive
him.

The saying "You never know what you've got til it's gone" was written for Edward
Cullen. He had everything. And because he was foolish - damn fucking foolish -
he threw it away. And now he has to fight to get it all back. Except all the fight
has been sucked out of him. He's a shell, fading away in this fucking prison.

Yet, because I feel responsible for this kid, I decide to mentor him, kick some
sense into him.

"If you want her to visit you, you have to ask her. You have to fight for her.
Because it sounds like she's worth fighting for."

Chapter 13 – Bella: Aftermath

My head hurts.

My hair has grown back, but my head still hurts.

I spend my time crying. Crying because I miss Jasper. Crying because I miss my
mom. Crying because I miss my dad. Sure he's still here, but he's not. He's just a
shell.

I cry at night when I'm alone, because I miss Edward.

I sit now, staring at the pictures that are around my house and cry... because of
Alice.

Alice is lucky. She doesn't have to know how much pain we are all in.

Alice gets to start over.

Alice gets to fall in love and have a family. She doesn't have to live with knowing
that her boyfriend killed her brother, but you can't stop your feelings for him.

Alice doesn't have her dad walking around her house pretending to exist.

Alice wants her life back. Really, if it was so easy… I want my life back. I want my
brother, my dad, my mom, my best friend, and my boyfriend. I want it all back.

I scream and grab my head, because it hurts.

I scream louder, hoping someone will hear.

I want Jasper to come in, telling me it will all be okay.

I want my mom to come home.

I want to fucking wake up from this nightmare that my life has become.

I yell Edward's name, because, when my dad comes home, I'm not allowed to say
his name.

I yell louder and louder.

I want to punch and kick him.

I want kiss and love him.

I want to see him.

I sit outside the state penitentiary where Edward is living.

What am I doing here?

Everything that I know to be wrong is behind those gates but I want them all to
be right.

Chapter 14 – Edward: Aftermath

Dear Bella,

Six months. It's been six months. Six months of hell. Six months of regret. Six
months of wishing I could turn back time.

Six months of rehab. Six months of punishment. Six months of grime.

Six months since I killed my best friend.

Six months since I ruined his girlfriend's life.

Six months since I betrayed you in the worst possible way.

Six months of wishing it was me.

Six months of hating myself.

-o0o-

Emmett sits smugly on his bunk while I pace the cell. Visiting hours are here, and
I have been informed that I apparently have a visitor. I assume it's my mom.
She's the only one that has forgiven me enough to come and see me. My dad…
He doesn't want to know. I've shamed him with my actions. I don't blame him. If
I was him, I would have disowned me, too.

As I walk to the visitor's center, I wish I had something other to wear than the
standard uniform of orange. My mom always liked me to be smart. I feel like I'm
letting her down. But then, what's new? I've been letting them down ever since
that night.

I sit at my table, waiting for the visitors to come in. I clench my fists. I don't
want to see the look of disappointment in her eyes. I can't bear it anymore. I
wish they had sentenced me to something more severe than 30 years. But then
living with my crimes for the best part of my life, living with the fact that I have
destroyed everything? That's the worst kind of torture.

Living with my own idiotic, pathetic actions. Living with the fact that I am a drunk
driver. Living with the fact that I'm a killer. Yeah, that's enough to torture me to
death.

I feel remorse. I feel sorrow. I feel pain. I feel hurt. I feel loss. I feel empty. I feel
numb. I feel emotions that I have no right to feel. They are not mine to have. I'm
even taking those away when they are not mine to take.

The chair in front of me scrapes against the floor as my visitor sits down. I don't
even look at her, the shame taking over my body.

We sit in silence. I say nothing. She says nothing. I exhale. She lets out a shaky
breath. I look up at her slowly. She is crying.

"Bella...?"

"I hate you."

"I know."

"You killed him."

"I know."

"She can't remember."

"I know."

"My mom left us."

"I'm sorry."

"My dad hates you."

"I know."

"He doesn't talk to me."

"I'm sorry."

"You ruined my life."

"I know. I'm sorry. So fucking sorry."

"You took everyone from me."

"Forgive me, please?"

"I'm not even supposed to be here."

"But you came."

She doesn't answer. She doesn't look at me. She wipes her tears. She takes a
breath.

"Because I still love you."

Jasper: Dissolution

Five years after the accident

A Guardian Angel.

Watching his soulmate.

Watching her recovery.

Watching her life progress.

Watching her smile.

Waiting for her to remember.

Wishing for her to remember.

A Guardian Angel.

Watching his sister.

Watching her crumble.

Watching her cry.

Watching her breakdown.

Waiting for her to move forward.

Wishing for her to move forward.

A Guardian Angel.

Watching his father.

Watching him implode.

Watching him fail.

Watching his downfall.

Waiting for him to forgive.

Wishing for him to forgive.

Time moving onwards.

My one and only moving forward.

Going to school.

Meeting a guy.

Smiling and flirting.

Falling in love.

An ivory dress.

A bouquet of flowers.

Something old.

Something new.

Something borrowed.

Something blue.

A walk down the aisle.

A vision of beauty.

A loving smile.

An exchange of vows.

An exchange of rings.

A tender kiss.

The love of my life no longer mine.

The love of my life in the arms of another.

Wishing for one more moment.

Yearning for one last goodbye.

Images of the past continue to haunt me.

Newborn, toddler, preschool.

Freshman, sophomore, junior.

Shattering glass, pain in my head, pain in my body.

Frozen at nineteen.

Images of my future fade away.

Marrying Alice. A future with Alice. My life with Alice.

A Guardian Angel no longer.

A body no longer in limbo.

A body resting in peace.

Jake: Dissolution

Ten years after the accident

A car swerves.

A car speeds up.

It swerves again.

Red and blue lights flash in its rearview mirror. The car pulls over.

I exit my car, placing my cap upon my head. I mentally count the steps it takes
me to reach the driver's side door.

I bend slightly and look into the window. He's seventeen. I know his mother.

"Hey, Jake," he says as his words slur out of his mouth.

"It's Officer Black."

"Come on. We are tight."

"Have you been drinking, Seth?"

"Nah," he replies and smiles up at me.

"Step out of the car."

He does, and he stumbles. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. There is no
missing the scent. I instruct him to walk behind his vehicle, to face mine, and he
stumbles again. That is enough.

I push him up against his car, slapping my cuffs on him, and walk him to my car.

"My mom is going to kill me, and she's going to hang you by your balls, man."

"No, she won't, Seth. She's going to be angry for awhile, but she'll thank me and
hug you, because I just saved your life."

"You can't save everyone, Jake."

"It's Officer Black, and I can try starting with you."

I set him down in my car before returning to his and locking it up. We make our
way back to the station in the heart of darkness. I watch him as he sits in the
back, tears streaming down his face.

This is me now. Officer Black. I have been on the force for five years. After I
graduated high school, I wandered a bit, wondering about life until I joined the
police academy, hoping I would be able to make a difference.

I kept tabs on Alice and Bella but mostly Edward. I knew what he was up to, and,
even though we weren't friends, I made sure he always had money in his account
for necessities. He never knew it was me, because, honestly, I thought he'd
refuse it.

But, to me, it was a way to say, "I'm sorry."

Alice: Dissolution

Fifteen years after the accident

We walk hand-in-hand, our feet covered in sand. He knows my story.

It's our anniversary. We were married here on the beach. He never asked why
this place. He just knew.

"I have a surprise for you," he says as he slips a blindfold over my eyes and
walks me back to our car.

He stops the car and gingerly removes me from the front seat.

"This house is for sale," he whispers in my ear as he removes the blindfold.

Tears prick my eyes, and his face falls. It's the house I have no memories of
other than pain.

I turn and survey the neighborhood, looking for changes. My eyes settle on the
house across the street. I see the brown-haired girl who I haven't spoken to in
fifteen years tending her flower bed. She looks up and smiles.

I watch as her eyes travel to my belly, full of life. Her smile fades. She turns and
walks back into her house, a house I don't remember.

Liam pulls me into his embrace and tells me he is sorry. We walk back to the car
as he vows to continue the house hunting.

To this day, I still don't remember. There are no memories, just errant thoughts
that things are not as they should be sometimes. There are no wishes for me to
remember. No "What if"s.

I have long since packed my photos away, left the house that I grew up in, and
started over. I know nothing of my prior life.

I am Mary Alice now, no longer just Alice. I am Liam's wife of ten years, and I'm
happy.

I can't long or mourn for someone I don't remember… That kills me.

Liam and I sit on the beach again, days after the house hunting brought me back
to my childhood home.

The beach… I find it peaceful and comfortable.

"Maybe we should just move to the beach," I say, and Liam agrees. There's a
cottage for sale, and I know he'll buy it just for me.

"It's time," I mumble as a contraction sears through my body.

I push and push. Sweat dripping down my face, Liam dotes on me as he wipes
away the errant moisture.

"I love you," he says as he presses his lips onto my skin.

A cry echoes through the room.

Liam carries our son and lays him in my arms. Tears prick my eyes as I take in
the beauty that he beholds.

I look up, and, for the first time, I see him. I see him standing there smiling, and
I know. I know that Jasper will live on in the spirit of my son.

Charlie: Dissolution

Twenty years after the accident

The King lay in bed, observing his visitors as they came and went. Deep down, he
really didn't care for their kind words, their good intentions, or the gifts they
brought. All he wanted was to be left alone.

Alone with his thoughts. Alone with his depression. Alone with his misery.

After all these years, nothing had changed for the King. He still missed his son.
He still missed his wife. And, above all, he still missed his daughter.

His relationship with the Princess had never been the same after that fateful day
all those years ago. The love he had for her did nothing but grow, yet the love
she had for him slowly disintegrated, and that broke the King's already broken
heart.

For all his life, he wanted nothing but the best for the Princess. The best
education, the best suitors, the best future. The King had worked hard to provide
everything she could ever want. He would give his life for her happiness.

But the Princess was anything but happy.

The King watched as the Princess sat down in the chair next to him. She had
grown into a beautiful woman. She was a daughter to be proud of. She was the
daughter who could continue his legacy. She would be quite the catch to any
suitable gentleman who would come asking for her hand.

But no one came, and that saddened the King.

A sudden stutter to his heart caused pain to course through his body, and the
King knew that his time was running out. Reaching out slowly, the King took the
Princess' hand in his and squeezed it slowly. He watched her carefully and felt
relief as, after all these years, the Princess finally responded to him.

And once the King knew that the Princess would be okay, that their once tenuous
relationship was now repaired, he started to let go.

With one more smile and squeeze of the Princess' hand, the King closed his eyes
one final time. And as the world around him faded to darkness, the King saw a
light ahead of him. Bright, white, and shining.

With one tentative step after the other, the King walked toward it, step after step
and left after right. And, as he approached it, he saw a figure smiling at him,
holding his hand out toward the King, waiting patiently for him.

Closer and closer, brighter and brighter; the King took one more step before
finally reaching the figure in front of him.

And, finally, the King received his closure. He received his happiness. He received
his ending.

He knew the Princess he had left behind would be okay, because she was a
survivor. She was a fighter.

And with that thought in mind, the King placed his arm around the Prince, his
son, as relief flooded his ethereal body.

Father and son together again.

Angels looking down on the Princess, the daughter and the sister they love.

Emmett: Dissolution

Twenty-five years after the accident

My girl thinks I'm crazy for coming here. She says that I've already spent the
best part of my life here. Why would I want to come back?

She has a point. Jail isn't exactly high on the list of places to take your loved ones
on a trip down memory lane. My girl tells me she had enough of this joint when
she had to come here every week to see me. She also tells me that our kids don't
need to know that their daddy is an ex-convict.

But I still come here. Not weekly, not monthly, but every once in a while. To be
honest, if I had my way, I'd probably be here more often, but he is such a
stubborn jackass. He wouldn't see me even if I did.

I can't lie. The past few years haven't treated him well. He's withdrawn into
himself. He hardly speaks, not that he spoke much in the first place. He doesn't
mix with the others. But there's something else, as well. He's hardened up. He's
wisened up.

James no longer rules the roost in there, not least because he put himself six feet
under not long after I got out. Edward is a different kind of "leader." He doesn't
talk with his fists, but he has a presence in there that no one questions.

I remember the first few times I came back here. The first time, I left after ten
minutes, because he refused to see me.

The second time, our meeting lasted all of five minutes before he got up and
begged the guard to take him back.

The third time, I managed to get him to stay longer than twenty minutes even
though the conversation was all one-sided.

The fourth time, he finally opened up. The walls he had built up around himself
fell down, and he actually spoke.

Having said that, the things I can tell you about my ex-roommate, I could count
with the fingers on my left hand, and, if I'm honest, some of these things are the
same ones I had learned in my first few days of knowing him.

One, he is an alcoholic, but, after attending the facility's AA meetings, he will
never touch a drop again.

Two, he still likes to draw. He draws more than he speaks. How he managed to
get the guards to agree to keep his drawings on the walls of his cell, I have no
idea.

Three, he is repentant for the heinous act that put him in this joint. Every waking
hour, he spends begging for forgiveness.

Four, he still has the nightmares. He tells me that they never stop. They are
always there, night after night. The same images, the same faces, the same
screaming.

Five, he still loves Bella. After all this time, he still loves her. He still writes to her.
He still wants her forgiveness.

He won't rest until he knows that she has forgiven him, because, even now, her
absolution will be the only thing that can set him free.

I'm here to see my ex-roommate, Edward Cullen. When I first met him, I didn't
think he'd last in this place, but I took him under my wing. After six months, I
thought he'd crack, and they'd put him under twenty-four hour surveillance, but
he survived, and he stayed under my wing.

And, after twenty-five years, I'm back again, making sure that he's okay, that
he's surviving, because, even though I left this shit ass joint years ago, Edward
Cullen is still under my wing. I still feel responsible for him.

The kid has served his time. He's made his penance. He's proved his guilt.

All he needs now is to be loved.

Bella: Dissolution

Thirty years after the accident

My life is simple.

I wake, drink a cup of coffee, and go to work.

I work, taking a break for lunch, and return home.

I cook dinner but only every other day. I cook for two even though there is only
one.

This is Bella Swan, Monday through Friday.

Saturdays, I spend tending to my flowers. They give me peace.

Sundays, you will find me at church and then at the cemetery where I tend to the
graves of my father and brother.

I see Alice with her family every now and again. Her son is blonde and cute from
what I can see. I learned of his birth the same way I learned of her marriage:
The newspaper. Her husband walks dutifully by her side.

I don't stare, and I don't smile. Alice made it clear when she moved away after
our fateful talk. Alice has her world, and I have mine. Alice is happy, and, for
that, I do smile.

There is no one for me, and that's my choice. I've dated, but I have memories.

No one compares.

I sit at my table, staring at the pile of letters from Edward. Most go unopened.
Some I read. They arrive each Tuesday.

He loves me. I love him.

Years of therapy have stopped my nightmares. Now I just dream.

I dream of the happy times that were and may be to come.

I dream of him in my arms.

Dear Edward,

I will be there…

Love Always, Bella

Edward: Dissolution

Thirty years after the accident

Dear Alice,

I don't even know how to begin. I've tried so many times, but, every time I write
the words, what I want or need to say seems so futile.

How do I tell you that I'm sorry for taking away your memories? How do I tell
you that I'm sorry for taking away your whole life?

After everything that has happened, it's you who I repent for the most. You had
everything. An inseparable best friend. A family who adored you. A boyfriend who
wanted to marry you.

I took that away. I took it all away.

And I am so, so sorry.

I wish you could remember Jasper. I wish you could remember the way he looked
at you, how his face lit up whenever you were near.

I wish you could remember Bella, how you were best friends since you were born
and never left each other's side.

I wish you could remember me, if only so you could tell me how much you hate
me.

But then, remembering would only bring back the pain, and, Alice, you deserve
more than that.

You'll never get this letter, because I won't have the courage to send it to you.
But know, please know, that I am sorry.

Edward

-o0o-

Dear Jasper,

What do you write to your best friend when you know he can't read the words?

What do you write to the person you killed when you can't find the appropriate
things to say?

What do you say to everyone who has been affected by your stupid actions when
you know that they blame you for being the catalyst for events that have
changed their lives?

Every second of every minute of every hour of every day for the past thirty years,
I've done nothing but think about what I could say.

What I could say to Alice. What I could say to Charlie. What I could say to Bella.

What I could say to you.

But there is nothing. Because nothing I can say can change anything. Nothing I
can say can bring you back.

I miss my best friend. He would tell me what I need to do to try and make this
right. He would tell me to deal with my actions and own up to my responsibilities.

He would tell me that he was there for me every step of the way.

But I wasn't there for you. Not when you told me to stop drinking. Not when you
told me not to drive. Not when you told me to pull over.

I was selfish. And I will never deserve your forgiveness for that.

Edward

-o0o-

The feel of my civilian clothes is alien to my skin. I've lived in the orange for so
long now that the jeans and button down shirt I am wearing look out of place on
my body.

Emmett tried to prepare me for this day. He told me about the plethora of
feelings that would be running through my body. Relief and happiness and
curiosity and nerves. But he was wrong. There is no happiness. There is no relief.

There is self doubt. There is anxiousness.

And there is a small amount of hope.

I know that I have served my time for the crime I committed thirty years ago. I
know that I have repented for my sins. I know that I have asked for forgiveness
from Alice, from Charlie, from my parents, and even from Jasper. But nothing
compares to the forgiveness I want from the one person I love, the one person I
have continued to love every day since I met her when we were teenagers.

I have hardly any belongings apart from the clothes on my back. There are no
material items that I want to take with me. I have nothing in my life that I wish
to hold onto.

Nothing except for her letter and the feeling of hope that it carries around with it.

Walking out of the gates, I close my eyes and lift my face to the sky, feeling the
sun heat up my skin, feeling the breeze around me.

Breathing in the fresh air. Breathing in a new beginning.

Praying for a new start.

Wishing for a new life.

Time is lost around me as I stand with my eyes closed. I am a forty-eight year
old man with a new beginning that has been granted to me after serving my
time.

I wonder about my parents and when I should visit them. I wonder about Alice
and what she is doing now. I wonder about Charlie and Jasper and whether they
have found each other again.

I wonder about Bella and whether she meant what she said in her letter.

And, as the warm hand takes mine tentatively, slowly holding on to me and
bringing me back to reality, I find myself wondering no more.

Opening my eyes, I see her. For the first time since she came to see me thirty
years ago, I see her.

Her beautiful brown eyes, mesmerizing and haunting.

Her beautiful soft lips, sad yet inviting.

She is here.

And the absolution I've yearned for thirty years is finally given to me.